"Swans sing before they die - 'twere no bad thing if certain persons die before they sing."

- Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
%%
"I can resist everything except temptation."

- Oscar Wilde.
%%
"Politicians are interested in people, not that this is always a virtue.
Dogs are interested in fleas."

- P J O'Rourke. US writer
%%
"When the President does it, that means it is not illegal"

- Richard Nixon. Former US president.
%%
 On this day 26.10.96
 1863 - The English Football Association was formed at a meeting at Freeman's Tavern in Great
        Queen Street, London.
%%
"Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever - but would rather not"
%%
 On this day 21.10.96
 1965 - The Beatles went to Buckingham Palace to be presented with their MBEs.
%%
 On this day 21.10.96
 1950 - The rebuilt chamber of the House of Commons was opened by King George VI having been
        destroyed by a bomb in 1941.
%%
 On this day 21.10.96
 1929 - London buses were painted red.
%%
 On this day 21.10.96
 1918 - The Spanish flu epidemic gegan in Britain, eventually killing almost twice as many
        as died in WW1.
%%
"Nothing is ever accomplished by a committee unless it is composed of three people, one
of whom happens to be ill and another absent."

- H. Van Loon.
%%
"Youth is a blunder; Manhood a struggle; Old Age a regret."

- Benjamin Disraeli.
%%
Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
Some things in life are bad, They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's grissle, Don't grumble, give a whistle.
And this'll help things turn out for the best, And...
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh, and smile, and dance, and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing. And...
Always look on the bright side of life, come on!
Always look on the right side of life
For life is quite absurd, And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin, Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow, So...
Always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of shit, When you look at it.
Life's a laugh, and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show, Keep 'em laughing as you go,
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
%%
"The man who says it cannot be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it."

- Elbert Hubbard.
%%
 On this day 21.10.96
 1966 - Disaster hit the mining village of Aberfan, Wales, when a slag tip engulfed houses, a farm
        and a school killing 144 people - 116 were children.
%%
"There are two things for which animals are to be envied: they know nothing of the future
evils nor of what people say about them."

- Voltaire
%%
"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead"

- Chinese proverb.
%%
"In examinations, the foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer."

- Oscar Wilde. The Chameleon, 1894.
%%
 On this day 18.10.96
 1922 - The BBC was officially formed.
%%
"Bullies exist because there are cowards."

- Mahatma Gandhi.
%%
"Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism, the reverse is true."

 Polish Proverb.
%%
A student asked the master for help... does this program run from the
Workbench? The master grabbed the mouse and pointed to an icon. "What is
this?" he asked. The student replied "That's the mouse". The master
pressed control-Amiga-Amiga and hit the student on the head with the
Amiga ROM Kernel Manual.
-- Amiga Zen Master Peter da Silva.
%%
 On this day 2.9.96
 1666 - The Great fire of London began in Pudding Lane. It ended on September 6 at Pye Corner
        when it rained.
%%
 On this day 22.8.96
 1933 - BBC TV showed its first boxing match.
%%
 On this day 22.8.96
 1642 - The Civil war in England began, between the supporters of Charles I and of Parliament,
        when the King raised his standard at Nottingham.
%%
"Success is a journey, not a destination."
%%
 On this day 19.8.96
 1991 - Hard-liners toppled Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev in a dramatic coup.
%%
 On this day 16.10.96
 1958 - Blue Peter started on BBC TV. The presenters were Leila Williams
        and Christopher Trace.
%%
 On this day 6.8.96
 1945 - The first nuclear bomb was dropped on Hiroshima in Japan at the end of WW2.
%%
 On this day 10.7.96
 1962 - Telstar 1, the world's first TV telecommunications satellite was launched in the US.
%%
"A man who lives only to benefit himself, confers on the world a benefit when he dies."

- Tertullian.
%%
 On this day 18.8.96
 1964 - South Africa was banned from the Olympics because of Apartheid.
%%
 On this day 18.8.96
 1977 - Elvis Presley was buried in Memphis, Tennessee.
%%
 On this day 18.8.96
 1960 - The Pill was launched in the US.
%%
"Good taste is better than bad taste, but bad taste is better than no taste."

- Arnold Bennett.
%%
 On this day 2.7.96
 1956 - Elvis Presley recorded "Hound Dog" and "Don't Be Cruel".
%%
"A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent."
 - William Blake.
%%
"The best prize of all is knowing that winning is not always a victory, and losing is not always
a defeat."
 - Joe E Dunne.
%%
"When people suddenly become prosperous, they also become preposterous."
 - Laurence J. Peter.
%%
"The best knots are tied without rope."
 - Lao-Tzu, ancient Chinese philosopher.
%%
Friends don't let friends use MS-DOS.
%%
If speed kills, then Windows users may live forever.
%%
VirusScan: MS Windows found.  Delete? (Y/y)
%%
I admit it, I tried MS-DOS, but I didn't inhale.
%%
Seen on an Apple Mac.

 "An unexpected error occurred, because an error occured."
%%
If at first you don't succeed, create an "NT" version.
%%
MicroSoft tech support: "Remove all useful utilities from your system..."
%%
00AD1203BC0F0000FFFFFFFFFFFF
interrupt in _get_space. Illegal Character.
Aborting _police_alert.....
Attempting reboot.....
Warning: Illegal shmop at _count_cash.
Warning: Command Buffer NOT CLEARED
Reboot Complete. Execution Continuing.
Withdrawing: 4294967297 Au.
Warning: Arithmetic Overflow in _withdraw
Yo mama. Core dumped.
%%
                        ---
                       (0 0)   Kilroy was here
----------------------W--U--W------------------------------
%%
!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I  !pleH
%%
!074 lhadmA na edisni deppart m'I  !pleH
%%
:0: Numeric zero, as opposed to the letter `O' (the 15th letter of
   the English alphabet).  In their unmodified forms they look a lot
   alike, and various kluges invented to make them visually distinct
   have compounded the confusion.  If your zero is center-dotted and
   letter-O is not, or if letter-O looks almost rectangular but zero
   looks more like an American football stood on end (or the reverse),
   you're probably looking at a modern character display (though the
   dotted zero seems to have originated as an option on IBM 3270
   controllers).  If your zero is slashed but letter-O is not, you're
   probably looking at an old-style ASCII graphic set descended from
   the default typewheel on the venerable ASR-33 Teletype
   (Scandinavians, for whom slashed-O is a letter, curse this
   arrangement).  If letter-O has a slash across it and the zero does
   not, your display is tuned for a very old convention used at IBM
   and a few other early mainframe makers (Scandinavians curse
   *this* arrangement even more, because it means two of their
   letters collide).  Some Burroughs/Unisys equipment displays a zero
   with a *reversed* slash.  And yet another convention common on
   early line printers left zero unornamented but added a tail or hook
   to the letter-O so that it resembled an inverted Q or cursive
   capital letter-O.  Are we sufficiently confused yet?
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
%%
100 buckets of bits on the bus
100 buckets of bits
Take one down, short it to ground
FF buckets of bits on the bus

FF buckets of bits on the bus
FF buckets of bits
Take one down, short it to ground
FE buckets of bits on the bus

ad infinitum...
%%
$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time
it will be worth absolutely nothing.
 -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
%%
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
%%
100 ton hammers are highly accessible.
 -- Japanese Animation Rule #91
%%
101-ism:
 The tendency to pick apart, often in minute detail, all
aspects of life using half-understood pop psychology as a tool.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
 -- Japanese Cookbook
%%
10. Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
10) "Foundation and Eggplant" by Isaac Asimov: The next step along the
way to establishing a galactic utopian society in Asimov's future
history. The Second Foundation uses a recipe for eggplant parmisian
that has been preserved for millenia by the robots of Earth for use
against the Gaeans.
%%

 10. "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"
 9.   "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day... Think about it."
 8.  "HONK if you've slept with commander Riker!"
 7.  "Guns don't kill people... Class 2 phasers do!"
 6.  "Zero to warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"
 5.  "CAUTION... We have a trigger happy klingon at tactical."
 4.  "If you can read this... Don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"
 3.  "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"
 2.  "We brake for cubes!"
 1.  "Wesley on board!"
 -- Top Ten BumperStickers on the U.S.S. Enterprise
%%
10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo!
%%
$10  Whatta you want $8 for? You know how much $6 is. Ok. Here's $4. (Gives son
$2 and asks for $1 change).
 -- Jewish Father
%%
10. Whenever you speak, you say "say" in front of all your sentences.
 9. You attempt to "goto /room/dorm/Shaw/east/156" to get home.
 8. You kill furry little squirrels and houseflies, thinking it'll make
    you bigger.
 7. You forget to respond to your real given name, but if someone says
    "Hey Ayeser!" you turn your head.
 6. You tell your girlfriend that you are busy, when in fact you are just
    getting hot and heavy with your mud wife.
 5. You look at yourself and wonder that since you are skinny and weak,
    but have the brainpower of three of your peers put together, if you
    aren't really descended from elves.
 4. You sit down to take a test and think "wield pencil".
 3. You get dressed in the morning and think "wear shirt", "wear socks",
    "wear underwear", etc.
 2. You walk around campus muttering "north, west, west, north..."
 1. You skip class to play these G@!% D@#$% F%* @!#$ THINGS!
 -- Top Ten ways to tell you MUD too much
%%
10 years ago I was so ignorant, I didn't even know who the
Prime Minister of America was.
%%
10 years old is a good age to get stuck at.
%%
113 grams, 10 milliliters ... He's lead, Jim.
%%
...115,000 acres of trees in the state park system is
a lot to look at.   How long can you look?
 -- Ronald Reagan, Sacramento Bee, 4/28/66
%%
1 + 1 = ?  Ask my calculator.
%%
11. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
1 1 was a race-horse, 2 2 was 1 2. When 1 1 1 1 race, 2 2 1 1 2.
%%
1200 bps used to seem so fast.
%%
:120 reset: /wuhn-twen'tee ree'set/ [from 120 volts, U.S. wall
   voltage] n. To cycle power on a machine in order to reset or unjam
   it.  Compare {Big Red Switch}, {power cycle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^1/2)) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
 A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
 plus three times the square root of four,
 divided by seven,
 plus five times eleven,
 equals nine squared and not a bit more.
%%
1-2-3-4 kick the lawsuits out the door
5-6-7-8 innovate don't litigate
9-A-B-C interfaces should be free
D-E-F-O look and feel has got to go!
%%
12. I have seen the truth... and it makes absolutely no sense.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
13. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
14. If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
14. Wipe thine ass with what is written and grin like a ninny at what is
Spoken. Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind Everything,
as you hurry along the Path.
 -- THE PURPLE SAGE, HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19
%%
15. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
15c of every stamp is for storage.
%%
16. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
16-inch rotary debugger:
     A highly effective tool for locating problems
     in computer software.  Available for delivery in most major
     metropolitan areas.  Anchovies contribute to poor coding style.
 -- Amiga ROM Kernal Manual  (Glossary)
%%
1701
E0000h Optional ROM bad Checksum = 47h
%%
1776 - 1984
There Is No Middle Ground
 -- a button from the Libertarian Party
%%
1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's
the law!
%%
17. One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law.
%%
186,282 miles per second: It's not the law, just a challenge.
%%
18. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
"1935 will go down in history!  For the first time, a civilized nation has
 full gun registration!  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient
 and the world will follow our lead into the future!"
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
%%
1948: A novel for dyslexics by George Orwell.
%%
1955-1975: 36 Elvis movies.  1975-1989: nothing.
 -- Tom Neff
%%
1960's:
A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10.  His costs amount to 4/5 of his
selling price.  What is his profit?
 -- from: The evolution of mathematics education during the last 30 years.
%%
1970's
A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10.  His costs amount to 4/5 of his
selling price, i.e. $8.  What is his profit?
 -- from: The evolution of mathematics education during the last 30 years.
%%
1970's (New Math)
A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with a set M of money.  The cardinality
of the set M is equal to $10 and each element of M is worth $1.  Draw 10 big
dots representing the elements of M.

The set C of production costs is comprised of 2 big dots less than the set M.
Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the
cardinality of the set of profits? (Draw everything in red).
 -- from: The evolution of mathematics education during the last 30 years.
%%
1980's:
A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10.  His production costs are $8 and his
profit is $2.  Underline the word "potatoes" and discuss with your classmates.
 -- from: The evolution of mathematics education during the last 30 years.
%%
1980, Sarah, if you want to get off.
 -- Dr. Tom Baker, PYRAMIDS OF MARS
%%
1984 has past, forget about Big Brother. Welcome to the 90's where the
    government's your mother!
 -- Scatterbrain
%%
1990's:
A kapitalist pigg undjustlee akires $2 on a sak of patatos.  Analiz this tekst
and sertch for erors in speling, contens, grandmar and ponctuassion, and
than ekspress your vioos regardeng this metid of geting ritch.
 -- from: The evolution of mathematics education during the last 30 years.
%%
1993 makes 1978 look like 1983.
%%
19. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
(1)  A backscratcher will always find new itches.
(2)  Time accelerates.
(3)  The weather at home improves as soon as you go away.
 -- Gomme's Laws
%%
1) A chocolate covered mouse.
2) A computer without a keyboard.
3) No bug report at all.
 -- Things more useful than an undocumented bug report
%%
1. After designing a routine to go around a bug, the system will
be revised and the bug removed, leaving you with a useless
routine.
2. Efforts in improving a computers user friendliness often ends
up improving ones computer literacy
3. "Thats not a bug!  Thats a FEATURE!"
 -- Thoreau's Theories on Adaption
%%
(1) Alexander the Great was a great general.
(2) Great generals are forewarned.
(3) Forewarned is forearmed.
(4) Four is an even number.
(5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
(6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.

Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.
%%
1.  Always hire a rich attorney
2.  Never buy from a rich salesman.
 -- Goldenstern's Rules
%%
1. Always state motions in as complex a fashion as humanly possible.
2. Allow 3 minutes to count the ayes, and one second the noes.
 -- Robert's Rules of Order for Bureaucrats
%%
1. An official wants to multiply subordinates, not rivals.
2. Officials make work for each other.
 -- Parkinson's Axiom
%%
(1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
(2) Any given program costs more and takes longer.
(3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
(4) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
(5) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
(6) The value of a program is porportional to the
    weight of its output.
(7) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
    programmer who must maintain it.
(8) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in
    English, and you will find that programmers cannot write
    in English.
 -- Laws of Computer Programming
 -- SIGPLAN Notices, Vol 2 No 2
%%
1. Anyone can make a decision given enough facts.
2. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts.
3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.
 -- Spencer's Laws of Data
%%
        (1) Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
   (2) You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers
      on.
       (3) A red light means the next six cars may go through the
        intersection.
 -- Rules for driving in New York
%%
(1) Any time you get a mouthful of hot soup, the
next thing you do will be wrong.
(2) How long a minute is, depends on which side of the
bathroom door you're on.
 -- Zall's Laws
%%
1 - A robot may not injure a human being, or,
through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2 - A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings
except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3 - A robot must protect its own existence as long as
such protection does not conflict with the First or
Second Law.
 -- The Three Laws of Robotics
 -- Isaac Asimov," Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058
%%
1:   A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
2:   An inclined plane is a slope up.
3:   A slow pup is a lazy dog.

QED: A sheet of paper is a lazy dog.
 -- Willard Espy, "An Almanac of Words at Play"
%%
1) A strong belief is more important than a few facts.
2) The stronger the belief, the fewer the facts.
3) The fewer the facts, the more people killed.
 -- Milton Rothman
%%
1. Avoid fried foods, which angry up the blood.
2. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.
3. Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
4. Go very light on the vices, such as carrying on in society. The social
 ramble ain't restful.
5. Avoid running at all times.
6. Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
1 bulls, 3 cows
%%
1 Clo. Argal, he that is not guilty of his own death shortens not his own life.
2 Clo. But is this law?
1 Clo. Ay, marry, is 't; crowner's quest law.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
 1. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
 2. The only difference between the fool, and the criminal who
    attacks a system is that the fool attacks unpredictably and
    on a broader front.
 3. Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion
    to the inherent unreliability of the system in which they
    are used.
 4. The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system
    are the key to understanding the type of errors which they
    cannot handle.
 5. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to
    detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
 6. All real programs contain errors until proven otherwise -
    which is impossible.
 7. Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
    probable cost of errors, or somebody insists on getting some
    useful work done.
 -- Gilb's Laws of Reliability
 -- Tom Gilb
%%
1. Deny the last established truth on the list
2. Add yours.
3. Pass the list.
 -- Pavlu's Rules for Economy in Research
%%
   1. Encourage conformity.
   2. Don't take chances.
   3. Discourage innovation.
   4. Be satisfied with mediocrity.
 -- Laws of Contentment
%%
       (1) Everything depends.
       (2) Nothing is always.
        (3) Everything is sometimes.
 -- Langsam's Laws
%%
(1)  Everything has some value-if you use the right currency.
 (2)  Paint splashes last longer than the paint job.
(3)  Search and ye shall find-but make sure it was lost.
 -- Ritchie's Rule
%%
1) Face forward. 2) Fold hands in front. 3) Do not make eye contact.
4) Watch the numbers. 5) Don't talk to anyone you don't know.
6) Stop talking with anyone you do know when anyone you don't know
enters the elevator. 7) Avoid brushing bodies.
 -- Elevator Rules
 -- Psychologist Layne Longfellow
%%
1. Fact is solidified opinion.
2. Facts may weaken under extreme heat and pressure.
3. Truth is elastic.
 -- Dunlap's Laws of Physics
%%
1. Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed
talent.
2. Personnel recruiting is a triumph of hope over
experience.
 -- Loftus' Theory on Personnel Recruitment
%%
1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.
2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.
 -- Livingston's Laws of Fat
Two fat people will walk side by side, whether they know
each other or not.
 -- Corollary
%%
1. Find a niche that allows you to pursue a personal passion.
2. Test your idea to make sure you've identified a market, not just a need.
3. Say goodbye to family and friends--you won't see much of them for two or
 three years.
4. Dive in, be prepared to fail, be prepared to succeed, be willing to
 change course.
5. Consider learning a real craft, or getting a real job.
 -- Eric Utne
%%
<%>{ 1 fish, <%>{ 2 fish, <%>{ red fish, <%>{ blue fish
%%
1. Given any problem containing 'n' equations, there will
always be 'n+1' unknowns.
2. An object or bit of information most needed will be the
least available
3. Once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there
will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to
everyone else.
4. Badness comes in waves.
 -- The Snafu Equations
%%
 (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
     of pregnancy.
 (2) Always be backlit.
 (3) Sit down whenever possible.
 -- Alden's Laws
%%
     (1)  HIDE!!!!
 (2)  If they find you, LIE!!!!
 -- Rules for Academic Deans
 -- Father Damian C. Fandal
%%
 1:  Hi, you've reached Bob and Faisal's room.
 2:  (Background:)  What are you doing?
 1:  I'm recording an answering machine message.
 2:  But we're here right now.
 1:  But we might not be here later.
 2:  Oh.  (To phone:)  Leave a message.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
(1) Houses are for people to live in.
(2) Gardens are for plants to live in.
(3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
 -- Bennett's Laws of Horticulture
%%
 1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
 2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
 3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook.  I couldn't
    actually reach it.
 4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
 5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove
    that it converged.
 6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
 7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in
    and ate it.
 8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square root of negative one or
    i is the square root of negative one.
 9. I took time out to snack a doughnut and a cup of coffee.  I spent
    the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but
    this morning I couldn't find it.
 -- TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK
%%
 (1) If a child looks like his father, that's heredity.
 If he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
 (2) A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came
 first -- the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.
 -- Achilles' Biological Findings
%%
1. If a programmer's modification of an existing program
works, it's probably not what the users want.
2. Users don't know what they really want, but they know for
certain what they don't want.
 -- Manubay's Laws for Programmers
%%
1. If a student asks for a second time if you have read his
book report, he did not read the book.
2. If daily class attendance is mandatory, a scheduled exam
will produce increased absenteeism. If attendance is
optional, a scheduled exam will produce persons you have
never seen before.
 -- Rominger's Rules for Teachers
%%
1] If at all possible, don't.  Let someone else do it.
2] Change majors.
3] Insert/remove blank lines at random spots, re-compile, and execute.
4] Throw holy water on the terminal.
5] Dial 911 and scream.
6] There is rumour that "printf" is useful, but this is probably unfounded.
7] Port everything to CP/M.
8] If it still doesn't work, re-write it in assembler.  This won't fix the
bug, but it will make sure no one else finds it and makes you look bad.
 -- How to debug a "C" program.
%%
(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
 -- Three Rules of Immutability
%%
1) If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will
   malfunction.
2) Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will the
   most harmful error be discovered.
3) Job control instructions that positively cannot be arranged in improper
   order will be.
4) Interchangeable tapes won't.
5) If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, a co-op will
   discover a method to get bad data past it.
6) Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
 -- Troutmans's programming postulates
%%
1. If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
4. If it's incomprehensible, it's mathematics.
5. If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology.
 -- Handy Guide to Modern Science
%%
 (1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
 (2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
 (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.
 -- Arnold's Laws of Documentation
%%
 1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
 2. If you drink a diet soda and a candy bar, these two items will
    automatically cancel each other out.
 3. Calories don't count if you eat with someone and you both eat the same
    amount of the same thing.
 4. Food which is consumed for medicinal purposes only does not count. This
    includes potatoes, doughnuts, cakes, chocolates and most forms of
    liquor.
 5. If everyone around you gets a little fatter, you will automatically seem
    to appear thinner.
 -- Rules for Diet
%%
 1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
 2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
 -- Velilind's Laws of Experimentation
%%
(1) If someone says he will do something without fail, he won't.
(2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make.
(3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
(4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
 -- Ozman's Laws
%%
1. If the work has to be finished today, the part will roll to the most
inaccessible part of the room.
2. If it is heavy, it will hit your toe first.
3. You will then find the part by standing on it and destroying it.
4. If the lost part is be the last one then it will be 6 o'clock and the
shops are shut til Monday.
%%
  (1)   If what you're doing is working, keep doing it.
  (2)   If what you're doing is not working, stop doing it.
  (3)   If you don't know what to do, don't do anything.
  (4)   Above all, never let a surgeon get hold of your patient.
 -- Loeb's Laws of Medicine
%%
1. If you can get to the faulty part, you don't have the
tool to get it off.
2. If you can get the part off, the parts house will have it
back-ordered.
3. If it's in stock, it didn't need replacing in the first
place.
 -- Cambpell's Laws of Automotive Repair
%%
1/ If you eat something and no one sees you, it has no calories
 -- DIETING RULES & CALORIE COUNTER
%%
1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked.
 -- Abbott's Law
%%
1. If you keep anything long enough you can throw it away.
2. If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as
it is no longer accessible.
 -- Richard's Complementary Rules of Ownership
%%
   1. If you're early, it'll be cancelled.
   2. If you bust your buns to be on time, you'll have to wait.
   3. If you are not on time, it'll be too late.
 -- Luftenberg's Punctuality Observations
%%
1. If you're running for a short queue, it suddenly becomes
a long queue.
2. When you're waiting in a long queue, the people behind
you are shunted to a new, short queue.
3. If you step out of a short queue for a second, it becomes
a long queue.
4. If you're in a short queue, the people in front let in
their friends and relatives and make it a long queue.
5. A short queue outside a building becomes a long queue
inside.
6. If you stand in one place long enough, you make a queue.
 -- Vile's Laws of Advanced Queuemanship
%%
1) If you take off your right-hand glove in
very cold weather, the key will be in
your left-hand pocket.
2) Any system that works perfectly will
be revised.
 -- Quigley's Laws
%%
 (1) I love you.
 (2) This won't hurt a bit.
 (3) The Mercedes is paid for.
 (4) The check is in the mail.
 (5) I was just going to call you.
 (6) I've always worn cowboy boots.
 (7) I swear I won't come in your mouth.
 (8) Of course I'll respect you in the morning.
 (9) We have a really challenging assignment for you.
 (10) I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you.
 -- The greatest lies of all time
%%

 1.   "I'm down here"
 2.  "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy"
 3.  "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"
 4.  "I can get you off the naughty list"
 5.  "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys"
 6.  "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
 7.  "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at
      Keebler"
 8.  "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man"
 9.  "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig"
 10. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"
 -- Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines
%%
(1) I'm just not an emotional kind of guy.
(2) If I show some emotion, that's just the way I am.
(3) I'm not too good at the emotional side.
(4) We Bushes cry easily.
(5) If occasionally I do go up in smoke, it doesn't relate
    to this line of work.
 -- President George Bush on five separate occasions
%%
1.  In a hierarchy, individuals tent to rise to their level of incompetence.
2.  The cream rises until it sours.
3.  For every job that exists in the world, there is someone,
somewhere, who can't do it.  Given enough promotions, that
incompetent will get the job.
4.  All useful work is done by individuals who haven't yet reached
their level of incompetence.
 -- The Peter Principles
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
(1)  In any given document, you can't cover all the "what if's".
(2)  Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if's".
(3)  Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if's".
 -- Bierman's Laws of Contracts
%%
    1. In any rule set, there are always missing rules.
    2. The missing rules are the ones you need.
    3. If all the rules you need seem to be there, refer to rule #4.
 -- JALB's Metarules
%%
 1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
1.  In order to discover anything, you must be looking for something.
2.  If you wish to make an improved product, you must already be
engaged in making an inferior one.
 -- Laws of Serendipity
%%
   1. It is too early to predict what the program will cost.
   2. It is too far down the road to do anything about it.
 -- Law of Government Cost Overruns
%%

1) It's a lot more work than it looks.
2) You can't bluff your way through it.
3) You don't want to have to look at the manual in the middle of it.
4) A bad 50 minutes can send you into therapy.
5) You don't realize how little you know about it until you've actually
   done it once.
 -- Why Teaching is like Having Sex
%%
1) It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide.
 -- from Mad magazine, sometime in the 1960s
%%
1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation
%%
      (1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
  (2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this
       stamps you as being wise.
 (3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the
         others.
   (4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
  (5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you
      popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
 -- Committee Rules
 -- Harry Chapman
%%
(1) Never be first.
(2) Never be last.
(3) Never volunteer for anything
 -- Lackland's Laws
%%
1. Never draw what you can copy.
2. Never copy what you can trace.
3. Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
 -- Wallace Wood's Rule of Drawing
%%
 (1)  Never eat on an empty stomach.
 (2)  Never leave the table hungry.
 (3)  When traveling, never leave a country hungry.
 (4)  Enjoy your food.
 (5)  Enjoy your companion's food.
 (6)  Really taste your food. It may take several portions to
      accomplish this, especially if subtly seasoned.
 (7)  Really feel your food. Texture is important. Compare,
      for example, the texture of a turnip to that of a brownie.
      Which feels better against your cheeks?
 (8)  Never eat between snacks, unless it's a meal.
 (9)  Don't feel you must finish everything on your plate. You
      can always eat it later.
 (10) Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
 (11) Avoid blue food.
 -- RULES OF EATING -- THE BRONX DIETER'S CREED
 -- Richard Smit, "The Bronx Diet"
%%
1) Never tell everything at once.
 -- Ken Venturi's Two Great Rules of Life
%%
1) Never try anything with tomatoes in it.
2) Never try anything bigger than your head.
3) Never, NEVER try anything that looks like vomit.
(It is said that Kerr broke all three rules by discovering pizza.)
 -- Kerr's Three Rules for Trying New Foods
%%
1. No matter what they're telling you, it's not the truth.
2. No matter what they're talking about, they're talking about money.
 -- Todd's Political Principles
%%

1: No shotgun ever runs out of ammunition.  (Related law:  Shotgun barrels
  can be reversed on the fly so that the user takes the blast full in the
  face.)

2: Supplies of sticks of dynamite and "bowling-ball" bombs are unlimited.

3: Baseball bats and other large bludgeons can be carried concealed in
  one's hip pocket.  (Corollary:  All cartoon characters have hip pockets
  whether they have clothes or not.)

4: Major implements of destruction -- steamrollers, tanks, and cannons --
  can be produced on demand from out of nowhere.
 -- The Laws of Cartoon Physics
%%
 (1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
 (2) A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
 (3) There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is
 attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is
 attracted to dark objects.
 -- Slick's Three Laws of the Universe
%%
 (1) People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
 remind them of someone else.
 (2) The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be
 delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of
 yourself in person.
 -- Arthur's Laws of Love
%%
   1. People who make things happen,
   2. People who watch things happen,
   3. People who don't know what happened.
 -- Peter's Principal Types
%%
  1 Pot T == 1 Pot P
  1 Pot P != 1 Pot T
 -- Fullers Law of Cosmic Irreversibility
 -- R Buckminster Fuller
%%
1) Reach between legs
2) Grasp firmly
3) Pull
 Ejection Seat Instructions
 From the cockpit of a WWII US fighter...
%%
 1) Read the incantation. 2) Escape.
 -- Rules for Escape From Cthulhu
%%
(1)  Some people who can, shouldn't.
(2)  Some people who should, won't.
(3)  Some people who shouldn't, will.
(4)  Some people who can't, will try, regardless.
(5)  Some people who shouldn't, but try, will then blame others.
 -- People's Action Rules
%%
1. Stores that sell volume one will not know of volume two.
2. Stores that sell volume two will be out of volume one.
 -- Riley's Law of Sequels
%%
1st we shoot all the lawyers, 2nd we strangle them, 3rd..
%%
1) Take an old record album cover.
2) Fill the insides with shaving cream.
3) Place it halfway under a locked door to the victim's office, home,
   room, etc. with the open end inside the room.
4) Jump on it.
%%
(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
 -- Rules
%%
  1)  The check is in the mail
  2)  Of course I'll respect you in the morning
  3)  I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
 -- The three least credible sentences in the English language
%%
1. The more proficient one is at procrastination, the less
proficient one need be at all else.
2. The slower one works, the fewer mistakes one makes.
 -- Doane's Laws of Procrastination
%%
1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
   straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
   force is technically termed "car suck").
2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
   than "Watch this!"
3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly
   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
   Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or
   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the
   cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the
   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
   in the head and knock you silly.
 -- The four constant Laws of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
1. The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely
nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it.
2. The probability that a household pet will raise a fuss to
go in or out is directly proportional to the number and
importance of your dinner guests.
 -- C. H. Fish's Laws of Animal Behaviour
%%
(1)  There is nothing more permanent than a temporary building.
(2)  There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
 -- Mix's Laws
%%
1) "The Toasteroven of Shanara" by Terry Brooks: The latest in the
famed series of fantasy novels, this one has the forces of good and
evil battling over kitchen appliances of awesome power.
%%
(1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending.
(2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed.
(3) Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend
military spending, and conservatives social spending in their own districts).
 -- Hall's Laws of Politics
%%
1) Things will get worse before they get better.
2) Who said they get better?
 -- Ehrman's Commentary
%%

1:  Thou shalt not worship other computer systems.
2:  Thou shalt not impersonate Liberace or eat watermelon while sitting at
  the console keyboard.
3:  Thou shalt not slap users on the face, nor staple their silly little
       card decks together.
4:  Thou shalt not get physically involved with the computer system,
    especially if you're already married.
5:  Thou shalt not use magnetic tapes as frisbees, nor use a disk pack as
      a stool to reach another disk pack.
6:  Thou shalt not stare at the blinking lights for more than one 8 hour shift.
7:  Thou shalt not tell users that you accidentally destroyed their
     files/backup just to see the look on their little faces.
8:  Thou shalt not enjoy cancelling a job.
9:  Thou shalt not display firearms in the computer room.
10: Thou shalt not push buttons "just to see what happens".
 -- The rules
%%
1. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise
above your principles.
2. The best way to succeed in politics is to find a crowd
that's going somewhere and get in front of them.
 -- Brown's Rules of Leadership
%%
(1)  Trucks that overturn on freeways
are filled with something sticky.
(2)  No cute baby in a carriage is ever a girl when called one.
(3)  Things that tick are not always clocks.
(4)  Suicide only works when you are bluffing.
 -- Peterson's Rules
%%
 (1) Uncritical Acceptance
 (2) Wild Enthusiasm
 (3) Dejected Disillusionment
 (4) Total Confusion
 (5) Search for the Guilty
 (6) Punishment of the Innocent
 (7) Promotion of the Non-participants
 -- Official Project Stages
%%
1] Use lots of global variables.
2] Give them cryptic names such as: X27, a_gcl, or Horace.
3] Put everything in one large .h file.
4] Implement the entire project at once.
5] Use macros and #defines to emulate Pascal.
6] Assume the compiler takes care of all the little details you didn't
   quite understand.
 -- How to program in "C"
%%
1.  When in doubt, mumble.
2.  When in trouble, delegate.
3.  When in charge, ponder.
 -- Boren's Laws of Bureaucracy
%%
1. When the need arises, any tool or object closest to you
becomes a hammer.
2. No matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end up
covered with grease and motor oil.
3. When necessary, metric and inch tools can be used
interchangeably.
 -- Bromberg's Laws of Automotive Repair
%%
1. When the polls are in your favor, flaunt them.
2. When the polls are overwhelmingly unfavorable,
     (a) ridicule and dismiss them, or
    (b) stress the volatility of public opinion.
3. When the polls are slightly unfavorable, play for sympathy as a
 struggling underdog.
4. When too close to call, be surprised at your own strength.
 -- Paul Dickson
%%
(1)  When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft
will encounter turbulence.
(2)  The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the
temperature of you coffee.
 -- Gunter's Airborne Discoveries
%%
 (1)  When you empty a drawer for his clothes
       and a shelf for his toiletries, the relationship ends.
   (2)  When you finally buy pretty stationary
        to continue the correspondence, he stops writing.
 -- Barbara's Rules of Bitter Experience
%%
 1) Why are we born?
 2) Why do we die?
 3) Why do we spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?
 -- The three most puzzling questions
%%
   (1)  Women don't know what they want;
      they don't like what they have got.
      (2)  Men know very well what they want;
            having got it, they begin to lose interest.
 -- Adam's Law
%%
1 W. When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
2 W. When the hurlyburly 's done,
When the battle 's lost and won.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
1) X=Y                          ; Given
2) X^2=XY                      ; Multiply both sides by X
3) X^2-Y^2=XY-Y^2           ; Subtract Y^2 from both sides
4) (X+Y)(X-Y)=Y(X-Y)            ; Factor
5) X+Y=Y                      ; Cancel out (X-Y) term
6) 2Y=Y                ; Substitute X for Y, by equation 1
7) 2=1                             ; Divide both sides by Y
 -- Omni [Proof that 2 equals 1], (November 1979)
%%
   (1) You can't win.
   (2) You can't break even.
   (3) You can't even quit the game.

 -- Ginsberg's Theorem
Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful
is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit:

   (1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
   (2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
   (3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
 -- Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem
%%
1) You can't win;   2) You can't break even;   3) You can't even quit the game.
 -- Ginsberg's Theorems
%%
1) Your share of the market is really lower than you think.
2) Never delay the end of a meeting or the beginning of lunch hour.
3) The combined market position goals of all competitors always
totals at least 150%.
4) The existence of a market does not ensure the existence of a
customer.
5) Beware of alleged needs that have no market.
6) The competition really can have lower prices.
7) The number of competitors never declines.
8) Secret negotiations are usually neither.
9) If the customer wants vanilla, give him vanilla.
10) If the customer buys lunch, you've lost the order.
 -- Robin's Rules of Marketing
%%
2-0 is a cricket score in this sort of football.
%%
"20 scared-out-of-their-gourds 3 or 4-year olds is an example of what I'd like
to do to some of you who are really getting on my nerves."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
2180, U.S. History question:
What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what
office did he later hold?
%%
21. Never wrestle with a pig.  You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
2+2=5 for moderately large values of two...
%%
2+2=5-ism:
 Caving in to a target marketing strategy aimed at oneself
after holding out for a long period of time. "Oh, all right, I'll buy
your stupid cola. Now leave me alone."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
%%
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
%%
25 states allow anyone to buy a gun, strap it on, and walk down the
street with no permit of any kind: some say it's crazy.  However, 4 out
of 5 US murders are committed in the other half of the country:  so
who is crazy?
 -- Andrew Ford
%%
2B || !2B, that is the question.
%%
2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro.
%%
, 2 dah weddin Maria Mr .
%%
2/ Drink diet soda with candy bars (the calories in the candy bars
   are canceled out by the diet soda)
 -- DIETING RULES & CALORIE COUNTER
%%
        2
 E = M C
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
2 feet on the ground,
3 in the air
The head of the living
in the mouth of the dead.
 A person standing with a
 kettle over their head.
%%
:2: infix. In translation software written by hackers, infix 2 often
   represents the syllable *to* with the connotation
   `translate to': as in dvi2ps (DVI to PostScript), int2string
   (integer to string), and texi2roff (Texinfo to [nt]roff).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
 -- Grabel's Law
%%
2nd star on the right, then on until morning.
%%
2) The gostak distims the doshes.
 -- from "The Meaning of Meaning" by Ogden & Richards
%%
2. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
2 Watch. How if a' will not stand?
Dogb. Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and presently
call the rest of the watch together, and thank God you are rid of
a knave.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
2) "Worm-fodder" by Robert Heinlein: The long awaited sequel to
"Grumbles From the Grave".  From his coffin, Heinlein explores his
feelings about being deceased.
%%
2 x 4 x 666   The Lumber of the Beast
%%
$3,000,000
%%
300000 km/sec: it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
%%

3.0-3.9: Motion comparable to upset stomach after bad burrito.
Freeways impassable.
4.0-4.9: Slight fizz noticed in refrigerated mineral water.
Freeways impassable.
5.0-5.9: Wine racks upset.  Freeways impassable.
6.0: Difficult to jog.  White caps in hot tubs.
Freeways impassable.
7.0: U-storage facilities collapse.  Tsunamis in waterbeds.  Small
cars upset.  Freeways impassable.
7.9: RVs overturned.  Suction-cups Garfields jarred off car windows.
Freeways impassable.
8.0: Malls evacuated.  Hackers notice movement.
Freeways beginning to clear.
8.9: Jack-in-the-Box restaurants close.  Freeways clear.
 -- The Official Santa Clara County Richter Scale
%%
3,155,414,400  Seconds
   52,590,240  Minutes
      876,504  Hours
       36,421  Days
        5,218  Weeks
        1,200  Months
          400  Seasons
          100  Years
            1  Life
%%
32 white horses, on a red hill
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
And then they stand still.
 (Teeth)
%%
3356.
 -- The year in which President George Bush's 1988
 -- campaign pledge of 30,000,000 new jobs would be
 -- fulfilled, at his current rate of job production (as of July 1992)
%%
33mHz ain't fast enough
%%
355/113 - Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation.
%%
36 percent of the American Public believes that boiling radioactive milk
 makes it safe to drink.
 -- results of a survey by Jon Miller at Northern Illinois University
%%
3) "City of the Future" by Jane Auel: The latest book of the "Children
of the Earth" series, which also includes "Clan of the Cave Bear",
"Valley of the Horses", "Hunt of the Mammoth", and several others.
Ayla and her mate Jondalar, having discovered fire, domesticated the
first animals, founded Atlantis, discovered agriculture, and
invented the spear-thrower now invent a time machine and travel to
modern day New York, where they are killed by a roving band of
anthropologists.
%%
   3d stereogram - slightly cross your eyes and relax them to see row depths

    h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h  h
    e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e   e
     b    b    b    b    b    b    b    b    b    b    b    b    b    b    b
    e     e     e     e     e     e     e     e     e     e     e     e     e
     r      r      r      r      r      r      r      r      r      r      r
    ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

 -- jim.hebert@east.sun.com
%%
3 Fish. Master, I marvel how the fishes live in the sea.
1 Fish. Why, as men do a-land: the great ones eat up the little ones.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Pericles
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
3 GOOD THINGS ABOUT SCHOOL: JUNE, JULY, AUGUST
%%
3. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is experimental error, 11 is prime...
%%
3PO!  You tell that worm ridden piece of filth he'll get no such pleasure
from us!  ......  Right...?
 -- Skywalker (Star Wars)
%%
3/ When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you don't
   eat more than they do.
 -- DIETING RULES & CALORIE COUNTER
%%
40% of the water consumed in the Imperial Valley goes to grow sedan
 grass for export to Japan for raising Kobi beef.
 -- Dan Beard, Staff Director, House Interior Committee,
 -- Water Policy in Western U.S., Regional Reporters Association, 5/20/91
%%
49% of all statistics . . . are wrong.
 -- Statistics Canada 1985
%%
49% of the U.S. population belongs to some minority group.
%%
4/ Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count (ie hot chocolate
   brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake etc.)
 -- DIETING RULES & CALORIE COUNTER
%%
4. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
4 out of 5 doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted
island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need ANY aspirin.
%%
4) "Wearing a Tartan Kilt" by Piers Anthony: Book 217 of the
"Incarnations of Immortality" series, featuring Angus McArnold, who
becomes the minor Incarnation of Bagpipe Music and spoils a plot by
Satan to take over the Universe.
%%
50% of all people are below average....
 -- Shocking Truth
%%
50% of the citizens of this country have a below average understanding of
statistics.
%%
50% of the high school graduates in this country graduated in the bottom half
of their class.
%%
50% of this country's schoolchildren have IQ's below average.  Under our
education policy, we can turn that around!
 -- New Zealand National Party candidate's campaign statement
%%
51% sweetheart, 49% bitch--don't push it.
%%
%5d dynamic kernel data pages
%%
%5d segmap kernel pages
%%
5) "Grout" by Stephen King: A shocking and suspenseful tale of horror
about a colony of bathroom tile mildew that develops sentience and
takes over a sleepy New England town.
%%
5. Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head, saying "I
do not know! I do not know!"
 -- HBT; The Book of Gooks, Chap. 1
%%
5/ If you can make others around you fatter, it is automatic that
   you become thinner.
 -- DIETING RULES & CALORIE COUNTER
%%
5 out of 6 macho men prefer Russian roulette.
%%
5 schizophrenics agree!
%%
5. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%

    5.  Turn the handle to the right 90 degrees.  The pin-spreading
           sound is normal for this type of connector.
 -- from the Pro 350 Pocket Service Guide, p. 49, Step 5 of the
 -- instructions on removing an I/O board from the card cage,
 -- comes a new experience in sound
%%
606   The area code of the Beast
%%
640K ought to be enough for anybody.
 -- Bill Gates, 1981
%%
"64? Where did 64 come into it?"  I hear you cry. Well, 64 is 8 squared,
don't you see?  Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
666-6667   The Wrong Number of the Beast
%%
666A   The Tenant of the Beast
%%
         (__)                     (__)                     (__)
         (\/)                     ($$)                     (**)
  /-------\/               /-------\/               /-------\/
 / | 666 ||               / |=====||               / |     ||
*  ||----||              *  ||----||              *  ||----||
   ~~    ~~                 ~~    ~~                 ~~    ~~
Satanic cow           This cow is a Yuppie         Cow in love
%%
668: The Neighbor of the Beast
%%
669   The Number of the Beastiality
%%
69 + 69 = dinner for 4.
%%
69 is fine...but 77'll get me 8 more...
%%
6/ Movie related foods do not contain calories (ie Buttered Popcorn
   Milk Duds, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Smarties etc.). These are
   considered as part of the entire Entertainment Package, not part
   of the diet.
 -- DIETING RULES & CALORIE COUNTER
%%
6. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
6. They keep showing the Rodney King beatings over and over.
When are they going to get new episodes?
 -- Dan Quayle's Top 10 TV complaints
%%
6) "What Are the Owls?" by Thomas Harris: In this sequel to "Red
Dragon" and "Silence of the Lambs", FBI agent Clarise Starling
enlists the aid of Director David Lynch in tracking down a
psychopathic killer who places letters under the fingernails of his
victims.
%%
"700 hours of community service work?  Who has that kind of free time?"
 -- Molly Dodd
%%
70% of all people on the road are caused by accidents.
%%
[7/16/89] I've had no indication from home, nor have we picked up any
here that they felt that the US economy was going to move towards a
recession.  [10/4/91] The economy is moving in the right direction.
 [10/25/91] I don't want to buy into the predicate about [the US being
in] another recession. I don't feel that way.  [10/31/91] The
economy's turned the corner, headed for recovery.  [11/8/91] I'm not
prepared to say we are in a recession.    [1/4/92] It will not be a deep
recession.  [1/15/92] Look, this economy is in free fall.
 -- President George Bush
%%
71:
   69 with two fingers up your ass.
 -- George Carlin
%%
7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
Redwood Forest.
%%
7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
 Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
%%
7/ Cookie pieces contain no calories (the process of breaking allows
   calorie leakage).
 -- DIETING RULES & CALORIE COUNTER
%%
7 Days without pizza makes one weak...
%%
7. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%

(7) The car directly in front of you has a flashing right tail light
but a steady left tail light.  This means

(a) one of the tail lights is broken; you should blow your horn
to call the problem to the driver's attention.
(b) the driver is signaling a right turn.
(c) the driver is signaling a left turn.
(d) the driver is from out of town.

The correct answer is (d).  Tail lights are used in some foreign
countries to signal turns.
 -- Pittsburgh Driver's Test
%%
7) "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Dimensions" by Douglas Adams:
When our universe is destroyed to make way for an interdimensional
bypass, Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Trillian, and
Slartibartfast find themselves homeless and trapped in a series of
alternate histories.
%%
8086: The year you finally pay off your computer.
 8087: The year you finally pay off your peripherals.
 8088: The year your spouse forgives you for buying the computer.
%%
80% of the final will be on the one lecture you missed and about the one
book you didn't read.
 -- 1st LAW OF TESTS
%%
82.8% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
%%
8:30 Chan. 7: Bewitched.  Tabitha gets carsick and turns Darin into a
plastic bag.
%%
8384 ... the Bup stops here!
%%
8 out of 10 men writes with a Parker pen. What do the others do with it?
%%

(8) Pedestrians are

(a) irrelevant.
(b) communists.
(c) a nuisance.
(d) difficult to clean off the front grille.

The correct answer is (a).  Pedestrians are not in cars, so they are
totally irrelevant to driving; you should ignore them completely.
 -- Pittsburgh Driver's Test
%%
8/ Simply saying to yourself "I'm on a diet", reduces calories in
   foods by 50%; telling others you are on diet increases calories
   by 100%; therefore when dieting always remember:
   KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
 -- DIETING RULES & CALORIE COUNTER
%%
8. Things are more like they are today then they have ever been before.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
8) "This Book Sucks But You'll Probably Buy It Anyway" by Jackie
Collins: Amazingly similar to other best-selling books by Collins.
%%
8) Use common sense in routing cable.  Avoid wrapping coax around
   sources of strong electric or magnetic fields.  Do not wrap the
   cable around flourescent light ballasts or cyclotrons, for example.
 -- Ethernet Headstart Product
 -- Information and Installation Guide, Bell Technologies, pg. 11
%%
9:00 Chan. 5: I Dream of Jeanie.  Jeanie and Major Nelson discover new
things to do with Jeanie's bottle.
%%
90% of everything is crap.
 -- Theodore Sturgeon's Law
%%
90% of Science Fiction is crap.
On the other hand, 90% of _everything_ is crap.
%%
90% of the water used in Nevada is for agriculture, yet fewer people are
 employed by agriculture in Nevada than at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas.
 -- Dan Beard, Staff Director, House Interior Committee,
 -- Water Policy in Western U.S., Regional Reporters Association, 5/20/91
%%
94% of the women in America are beautiful and the rest hang out around here.
%%
95% of this game is half mental.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
9600bps and under are insults to HST'ers
 -- Hacker's law #5
%%
9.8 m/s2: Not just a good idea; it's the LAW.
%%
  9.9999973251  It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
  8.9999163362  It's Close Enough, We Say So
  7.9999414610  Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
  6.9999831538  You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
  5.9999835137  Redefining the PC--and Mathematics As Well
  4.9999999021  We Fixed It, Really
  3.9998245917  Division Considered Harmful
  2.9991523619  Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point?
  1.9999103517  We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
  0.9999999998  The Errata Inside
 -- Top Ten New INTEL Slogans for the Pentium
%%
9. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
 -- One of 21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
%%
9 out of 10 cats prefer hamsters.
%%
9. "Sixty Minutes" is on for a whole hour
 -- Dan Quayle's Top 10 TV complaints
%%
9) "Unearthed Arcana" by Umberto Eco: A huge volume filled with highly
obscure information that Eco compiled in monastery libraries that
have been sealed up for centuries.  The plot is so complicated that
the publisher has packeged the book with a free set of Cliff's
Notes.
%%
9 Very Unsuccessful Pick-up Lines:
 ----------------------------------
 1. "Would you like to see my boa constrictor?"
 2. "Is that a false nose?"
 3. "You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno."
 4. "I'm drunk."
 5. "Hi, my friends call me Creepy."
 6. "Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?"
 7. "I just threw up."
 8. "You're ugly but you intrigue me."
 9. "I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that."
%%
A 100% right of return both ways.
%%
A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth.
%%
A 16 ton weight fell on his toes. As soon as his toes rotted off,
I doused the ox in gasoline and torched it.
 -- YESKLD
%%
A 2 cent piece goes a long way nowadays - you can carry one around in
your pocket for days before you can find anything to buy with it!
%%
A 3.5 disk should fit in a 5.25 drive, right?
%%
A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards.
%%
A .45 beats a royal flush EVERY TIME!
 -- Jerry Hindle
%%
A $500 CPU will protect a $10 surge protector by frying first.
%%
A 586SX, 32Mb 40ns RAM, 4Gb 2ms HD... now then... C:\>WIN
%%
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk You brute  Knock before entering a
ladies room
%%
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
%%
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!
%%
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
 -- Ben Franklin, the moment he discovered electricity
%%
AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse
%%
A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive
%%
Aaaahhhhh-CHU!  Not Virus, BBS Fever.
%%
AAAEEEYYYAAAAAEEEEEYAAAAAA
 -- Johnny Weissmuller
%%
Aaaoooggghhh......aaoogghhh......DIVE!  DIVE!
%%
AAC: Alter All Commands
%%
AAcckk!!  II''mm  iinn  hhaallff  dduupplleexx
%%
AAD: Alter All Data
%%
                      /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\                 A/~~\A
                      |    LEAVING  ALABAMA    |                ((o  o))___
                      |  Set your watch up an  |                  \  /     ~~~
    #                 |  hour . . .  set your  |   #              (--)\    #
 x--#---x---x---x---x-|  calendar up 30 years  |---#---x---x---x---x---x---#---
    #                 \------------------------/   #                    \  #_
 x--#---x---x---x---x---| |--#---x---x---x-| |--x--#---x---x---x---x---x---#---
 (//#  \|/   \\)(/   \\)| | )#(//  \\)(/  \| |(// \#(//  \|/   \\)|(/   \|)#(/
%%
A.A. members make souse calls.
%%
AAO: Add And Overflow
%%
AAR: Alter At Random
%%
Aardvarking my baby back home.
%%
AARDVARK
  Like an anteater, but harder to spell, the aardvark hangs around
  South American locations getting to know the local ant population,
  and attempting genocide on them. Well recognised for its long
  snout, with which it sucks up said unfortunate ants, the aardvark
  is best known for that bit in Tintin where it cleans up Captain
  Haddock's face. The Aardvark was originally named by Spanish
  Explorer Aaron Varkinos in 1533. [See also: Ant]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
A army's effectiveness depends on its size, training, experience and
morale, and morale is worth more than all the other factors combined.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
AArrgghh!!  II''mm  iinn  ffuull  dduupplleexx!!
%%
AARRGHH!! A virus was chewing my FAT.
%%
A babe in a house is a well-spring of pleasure.
 -- Martin F. Tupper (1810-1889)
 -- Of Education
%%
A BABY IS A LIFE, NOT A CHOICE.
%%
A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
responsibility at the other.
%%
A baby is a person who must have bottle or bust.
%%
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
 -- Carl Sandburg
%%
A baby is lots more fun than differential equations.
%%
A baby is the human race's way of insisting that the universe give it another
chance.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
... a baby's arm holding an apple.
%%
A baby stroller is last year's fun on wheels.
%%
A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
%%
A baby was sleeping,
Its mother was weeping.
 -- Samuel Lover (1797-1868)
 -- The Angel's Whisper
%%
A bachelor enjoys the chase but doesn't eat the game.
%%
A bachelor gets tangled up with a lot of women in order to avoid getting
 tied to one.
%%
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
%%
A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.
 -- Ed Wynn
%%
A bachelor is an unaltared male.
%%
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a
divorce.
 -- Don Quinn
%%
A bachelor lives like a king and dies like a beggar.
%%
A Bachelor looks, but does not leap.
%%
A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty
and a boy forever.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women
and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
 -- Helen Rowland, American journalist
%%
A bachelor's life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and miserable
dinner.
 -- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
A bad cause will never be supported by bad means and bad men.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
A bad day on the bike always beats a good day in the office!
%%
A bad day sailing is better than a good day at the office.
%%
A BAD days fishing STILL beats a GOOD day at work!
%%
A bad day:  "Transfer completed (5720468 bytes, 1 CPS)"
%%
AB: Add Backwards
%%
A bad marriage is like a horse with a broken leg, you can shoot the
horse, but it dont fix the leg.
%%
A bad neighbour is as great a misfortune as a good one is a great blessing.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 346
%%
A bad peace is even worse than a war.
%%
A bad random number generator:  1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
%%
"A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients
and having someone sit on it."
 -- Danielle Steel
%%
A bad sector disk error occurs only after
you've done several hours of work without performing a backup.
 -- Dr. Caligari's Come-Back
%%
A bad standard is better than nothing.  It gives you something to violate.
 -- The Hammer Forum, 1986
%%
A bad workman always blames his fools.
 -- 7th Doctor
%%
A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
   A == B; !;
("A equals B. Not!")
 -- Wayne's World C Programming Style Guide
%%
A BANDAID!? Damn it Jim,I'm a doctor, not a-oh, never mind...
%%
Abandon all hope, ye who exit here.
%%
Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
%%
Abandon hope early and avoid the rush.
%%
Abandon ship!  Abandon ship!  Women and Mogs first!
%%
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining,
 but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
A banker is a person who lends you an umbrella when it is dry and
asks for it back when it starts raining.
%%
A banker is often a pawn broker with a manicure and a smile, in a suit.
%%
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you
 don't need it.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
A bank robber hits the biggest bank in LA. He's planned this heist for
 years and everything goes like clockwork, but as he's running out of the
 bank he notices one security camera aimed right at him. A minute later a
 huge manhunt for him is on. He manages to keep out of sight for a few days
 but he can tell from the news that it's only a matter of time before he's
 discovered.

 Suddenly, he gets a brilliant idea. He jumps in his car, races down to the
 William Morris agency, and forces them at gunpoint to sign him to a
 five-year contract. He is never seen or heard from ever again.
 -- Jimmy Myers
%%
A bank robber in Buffalo entered and placed a bag over his head.
He forgot to poke eyeholes and was blinded, and promptly tackled
by security guards and customers.
%%
A bank robber in Los Angeles told the clerk not to give him cash, but to
deposit the money in his checking account.
 -- Bill Bryson
%%
A banner with the strange device.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Excelsior
%%
A bard here dwelt, more fat than bard beseems.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Castle of Indolence, Canto i, Stanza 68
%%
A bard with a 10 charisma.  Not good.
%%
A Barfing Bush is worth a Quail in the woods!
%%
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
%%
A baseball pitcher with a sore arm was in the throws of agony.
%%
A baseball player who makes a spectacular defensive play always leads
off the next inning as batter.
 -- Bob Smith
%%
Abasement, n.  A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of
wealth or power.  Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing
an employer.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Abash'd the devil stood,
And felt how awful goodness is, and saw
Virtue in her shape how lovely.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 846
%%
A basic premise is an absolute that permits no co-operation with
its antithesis and tolerates no tolerance.
 -- Hugh Akston
%%
A Batch Stream that can not be arranged in improper order will be.
 -- Troutman's Programming Postulate #3
%%
A bather whose clothing was strewed
 By breezes that left her quite nude,
 Saw a man come along
 And, unless I'm quite wrong,
 You expected this line to be lewd.
%%
A bathroom hook will be loaded to capacity immediately upon becoming
available. This also applies to freeways, closets, playgrounds, downtown
hotels, taxis, parking lots, bookcases, wallets, purses, pockets,
pipe racks, basement shelves, and so on. The list is endless.
 -- John Joyce
%%
ABATIS, n.  Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside
from molesting the rubbish inside.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A battery-powered brass lantern is on the trophy case.
%%
ABATTOIR
  A location where carnivores like myself can go to see the full
  reality of the slaughter of defenceless little sheepies, piggies
  and other animals unfortunate enough to be farmed for their
  delicious rumps (and other bits). Yum. Actually, the dictionary
  that I'm ... err... copying from says "public slaughterhouse", but
  I wasn't aware that the general public were able to be slaughtered
  at these locations. This may require further investigation.
  Abattoirs originated in ancient Rome, when there was a shortage of
  edible meat, and a simultaneous overflow of gladiators bodies to
  get rid of. [See also: Vegetarian, Vegan]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Abba...Dabba...Goo!
 --  Pebbles' first words.
%%
:abbrev: /*-breev'/, /*-brev'/ n. Common abbreviation for
   `abbreviation'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
A BBSer's telephone bill knows no bounds...
%%
A bbs needs Qwk like a fish needs a bicycle.
%%
ABC AcADemY oF BiDiGItAl dActYloGrApHy
%%
ABC
  Acronym for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. Generally
  described as a bit like the better-known BBC, but with half the
  channels and twice the incompetence. But at least they don't
  broadcast "Neighbours". This definition can cause confusion amongst
  most of the world, who know the ABC as (a) the alphabet and (b) the
  American Broadcasting Company. We won't even begin to mention the
  Angolan Broadcasting Collective, the Alaskan Boiling Company, the
  Adelaide Buddist Church or the Amsterdam Bicycle Committee. The ABC
  was formed in 1932, and initially promoted itself as costing
  taxpayers only a ha'penny a day.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
ABC: AlphaBetize Code
%%
ABC  - Association of Budget Culture
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
"A-B-C-D-E-F-G,
 Sell your story to TV,
 How you turned in Mom & Dad --
 Wasn't Mrs. Reagan glad?"
 -- Mark Russell
%%
ABCD GOLDFISH? LMNO GOLDFISH!
%%
ABC.
It's easy as 123.
All simple as Doe Rey Me, ABC, 123 ...
%%
ABC News will be right back with the Great Quake of '89, brought to
you by Subaru.
 -- American Brodcast Corporation
 -- ABC News, October 18?, 1989.
%%
ABDICATION, n.  An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the
high temperature of the throne.

    Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication
    Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.
    For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her:
    She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her.
    To History she'll be no royal riddle --
    Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ABDOMEN, n.  The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with
sacrificial rights, all true men engage.  From women this ancient
faith commands but a stammering assent.  They sometimes minister at
the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence
for the one deity that men really adore they know not.  If woman had a
free hand in the world's marketing the race would become
graminivorous.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Abdominos... sit-ups & pizza.
%%
A beard signifies lice, not brains.
%%
A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
"A bear in his natural habitat: a Studebaker!"
 -- THE MUPPET MOVIE
%%
A bear robbed of cubs is safer than the folly of fools.
%%
A bear trap closes on your foot!
%%
A beast, that wants discourse of reason.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
 I am not I, I'm a tree."
 But another, more sane,
 Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
 And covered his pants leg with pee.
%%
A beautiful eye makes silence eloquent, a kind eye makes contradiction an
assent, an enraged eye makes beauty deformed. This little member gives life to
every part about us; and I believe the story of Argus implies no more, than
the eye is in every part; that is to say, every other part would be mutilated,
were not its force represented more by the eye than even by itself.
 -- Addison
%%
A beautiful Greek chalice has magically appeared!
%%
A beautiful rainbow can be seen over the falls and to the east.
%%
A beautiful woman is a blessing from Heaven, but a good cigar is a smoke.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
A beautiful woman is a picture which drives all beholders nobly mad.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
A beautiful woman is paradise for the eyes, hell for the soul, and
purgatory for the purse.
%%
A beautiful woman moved in next door.  So I went over and returned a cup of
 sugar.  "You didn't borrow this."  "I will."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
A beautiful woman will enrich your life soon.
%%
A bee is not a busier animal than a blockhead.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
A beer a day keeps lager louts at bay.
%%
A beer can't interrupt.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A Beer chaser is easy to catch.
%%
A beer delayed is a beer denied.
%%
A beer doesn't care if you go shopping.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer doesn't care when you come.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
A beer doesn't complain when you come home late.
%%
A beer doesn't demand equality.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
A Beer doesn't have in-laws.
%%
A beer doesn't have to sleep with the windows open.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer doesn't mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer doesn't mind when your mother visits.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer doesn't snore.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer doesn't sulk.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer doesn't want to go out alone with the other beers.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A Beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
%%
A beer goes down easy.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
A beer in need is a beer indeed.
%%
A Beer is always satisfying.
%%
A beer is always wet.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
A beer lasts longer than seven seconds.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer never has a headache.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer never needs a shave.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer's life does not revolve around the football.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer tastes good.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer will only come when you want it to.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer won't get upset if you come home and have beer on your breath.
%%
A Beer won't get upset if you come home with another Beer.
%%
A beer won't switch the TV channel.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A Beer won't tell you it's pregnant for fun.
%%
A beer would never make fun of your new outfit.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beer wouldn't waste its money on Play beer magazine.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
A beggarly account of empty boxes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that
balances are correct.
 -- from "Manual of Maud'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
%%
A behaviorist is a person who pulls habits out of rats.
%%
A Belgian is a hell living on Earth.
%%
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
%%
:ABEND: [ABnormal END] /o'bend/, /*-bend'/ n. Abnormal
   termination (of software); {crash}; {lossage}.  Derives from an
   error message on the IBM 360; used jokingly by hackers but
   seriously mainly by {code grinder}s.  Usually capitalized, but may
   appear as `abend'.  Hackers will try to persuade you that ABEND is
   called `abend' because it is what system operators do to the
   machine late on Friday when they want to call it a day, and hence
   is from the German `Abend' = `Evening'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
A bending reed does not break.
 -- Confucius
%%
A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn.
%%
Aberdeen was so small that when the family with the car went
on vacation, the gas station and drive-in theatre had to close.
%%
A Bestiary of Plant Eaters: Herb Avore
%%
A best-seller was a book which somehow sold well simply
because it was selling well.
 -- Daniel Boorstin
%%
A Betazoid woman, when she goes through this phase, quadruples her
  sex drive.
"Or more."
Or more? You never told me that.
"I didn't want to frighten you."
 -- Riker and Troi, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
A better world shall emerge based on faith and understanding.
 -- General Douglas MacArthur
%%
A bevy of fair women.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 582
%%
A bicycle pump.
 -- There's more than one way to skin a cat: Way #33
%%
Abide with me from morn till eve,
For without Thee I cannot live;
Abide with me when night is nigh,
For without Thee I dare not die.
 -- John Keble (1792-1866)
 -- Evening
%%
A bigamist is a guy who took one too many.
%%
A Big Mac, french fries and a large Coke!
%%
A big man has no time really to do anything but just sit and be big.
 -- Francis Scott Fitzgerald
%%
A Big Mouth Travels Far.
%%
A big wagon for loading.
One may undertake something.
No blame.
%%
Ability hits the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence
falls short.
 -- John Henry Newman
%%
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
%%
Ability is nothing without opportunity.
 -- Napoleon I (1769-1821)
%%
Ability is of little account without opportunity.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Ability is the poor man's wealth.
%%
Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.
 -- John Wooden
%%
ABILITY, n.  The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of
the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones.  In the
last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high
degree of solemnity.  Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is
rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
 -- MALCOM FORBES
%%
Ability wins us the esteem of the true men; luck that of the people.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
A billion dollars isn't what it used to be.
%%
A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
adds up to be real money.
 -- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen (1896-1969)
%%
A billion saved is a billion earned.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLVI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
   A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
   A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
   A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
   A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury...
 -- According to a recent government publication ...
%%
A Bill of Rights is what the people are entitled to against every
government on Earth...  and what no just government should refuse.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to James Madison, Paris, Dec.  20, 1787
%%
A bimbo is a young woman who's not pretty enough to be a model, not smart
 enough to be an actress, and not nice enough to be a poisonous snake.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.
 -- Tao of Pooh.
%%
A bird does not sing because it has an answer...
        it sings because it has a song.
 -- Ancient Chinese proverb
%%
A bird in the bush can't relieve itself in your hand.
%%
A bird in the bush....HURTS!
%%
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
%%
A bird in the hand can be messy.
%%
A bird in the hand doesn't count in poker.
%%
A bird in the hand is a big mistake.
%%
A bird in the hand is a small meal for one.
%%
A bird in the hand is dead.
 -- Rhonda Boozer
%%
A bird in the hand is finger-licking good.
%%
 A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
 -- Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law
%%
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
%%
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. iv
%%
A bird in the hand is worth two off the wrist.
 -- British Proverb
%%
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A bird in the hand means you better have lots of soap.
%%
A bird in the hand might.
%%
A bird in the hand often leaves a sticky deposit. Perhaps it was
better you left it in the bush with the other one.
%%
A bird of the air shall carry the voice, and that which hath wings
shall tell the matter.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes ix, 20
%%
A bisexual is a man who likes girls as well as the next fellow.
%%
A bit crooked, Bruce. Where's Bruce?
%%
A bite?  Where would you like a bite?
%%
A bit of talcum
Is always walcum
 -- Ogden Nash (1902-1971)
%%
"A bit of tolerance is worth a megabyte of flaming."
 -- Henry Spencer, henry@zoo.toronto.edu
%%
A bitter jest, when the satire comes too near the truth, leaves a
sharp sting behind.
 -- Tacitus
%%
A bit visits the CPU and says "hi".
%%
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
A blank stare is as worthless as a faxed cheque.
%%
A Blast from the Past!
%%
A bleating sheep gets the hay.
 -- Old Estonian Proverb
%%
A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A blessed companion is a book,--a book that fitly chosen is a life-long friend.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- Books
%%
Able was I, ere I saw Elba!
%%
A blind and dumb man sits in an
honorable place,
And to everybody tells the truth.
 (a mirror)
%%
A blind man comes into a drugstore and starts knocking things off the shelf
 with his cane. The owner says, "Can I help you?" He says, "No, thanks, just
 looking."
 -- Gallagher
%%
A blind man will not thank you for a looking-glass.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
A block away he wondered if he'd left behind a clue...
%%
A block grant is a solid mass of money
surrounded on all sides  by governors.
 -- Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry
%%
A Blonde's nursery rhyme.  Humpme Dumpme.
%%
A, B, ...   (Long time, no C)
%%
A blood curdling scream echos through the cave, yet it somehow feels
much much safer and cleaner.
%%
A blow from the frying pan, if it doesn't hurt, blackens.
 -- Proverb from "Life in Hell"
%%
A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword.
 -- Richard Burton (1577-1640)
%%
A blunderer is a person who opens an outdoor market, in mid-Winter, in
 Alaska, in a wilderness, surrounded by swamps, patrolled by hungry bears
 which stocks large quantities of parakeet food which sells for exotic
 prices.
%%
A blunt instrument.
%%
Abner... smote him under the fifth rib.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel ii, 23
%%
ABNORMAL, adj.  Not conforming to standard.  In matters of thought and
conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be
detested.  Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the
straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself.
Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and
the hope of Hell.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Abnormal program termination.
%%
A body can work up a mean, mean thirst after a day of doing nothing.
%%
A body on vacation tends to remain on vacation unless acted upon by an outside
 force.
 -- Carol Reichel
%%
A bold bad man.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto i, St. 37
%%
Abolish anal retentiveness!
%%
Abolish first marriages!
%%
Abolish mornings...
%%
Abolition of a woman's right to abortion, when and if she wants it, amounts to
compulsory maternity: form of rape by the State.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Abomination of desolation.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxiv, 15; Mark xiii, 14
%%
A bonded penguin is a happy penguin.
%%
A bone to the dog is not charity.  Charity is the bone shared with the
dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.
 -- Jack London
%%
A book, a friend, a song, a glass, a chaste loving lass.
%%
A book is a present you can open again and again.
%%
A book is like a mirror:  If an ass peers into it, you can't expect an
apostle to look out.
 -- G. C. Lichtenberg
%%
A book is the only immortality.
 -- Rufus Choate
%%
A book is the only place in which you can examine
a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea
without fear it will go off in your face...
It is one of the few havens remaining where a man's mind
can get both provocation and privacy.
 -- Edward P. Morgan
%%
A book is the product of a contract with the Devil that inverts the Faustian
 contract, he'd told Allie.   Dr Faustus sacrificed eternity in return for two
 dozen years of power; the writer agrees to the ruination of his life, and
 gains (but only if he's lucky) maybe not eternity, but posterity, at least.
 Either way (this was Jumpy's point) it's the Devil who wins.
 -- Salman Rushdie, _The Satanic Verses_
%%
A book of quotations ... can never be complete.
 -- Robert M. Hamilton
%%
A book should serve as an axe to the ice inside us.
 -- Franz Kafka
%%
A book worth banning is a book worth reading.
%%
A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have
 turned into a pile of dust.
%%
A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with
company.
 -- Gian Vincenzo Gravina
%%
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, will tell you.
 -- Bert Leston Taylor, "The So-Called Human Race", (1922-)
%%
A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
 enlightened him with ours.
%%
ABORIGINIES, n.  Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a
newly discovered country.  They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A boring but secure job.
%%
A born executive is a guy whose father owns the company.
%%
A born loser:
 Somebody who calls the number that's scrawled in lipstick on the phone
 booth wall-- and his wife answers.
%%
ABORT: Drivel filter is compromised!
%%
(A)bort (F)ail (T)oss computer across room
%%
Abortion: America's Second Civil War
%%
Abortion Casualties: 1 dead, 1 wounded
%%
ABORTION CLINIC: You Bang 'Em, we hang 'em!
%%
Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Abortion is a miscarriage of justice.
%%
[Abortion] is not an issue with the American people.  It is a figment
of your imagination if you think that this is an issue that is talked
about a lot.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters while flying back
 -- to Washington on September 23 [From the Associated Press 9/24/92]
%%
Abortion is something babies can live without.
%%
Abortion kills one human being and maims another.
%%
Abortion: Loves Labor Lost
%%
Abortion means never having to say "Happy Birthday!"
%%
Abortion stops a beating heart.
%%
Abortion: the ultimate child abuse
%%
Aborton kills, but so does McDonalds.
%%
(A)bort, (R)epent (I)gnorant?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)ive up!
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)rab_Hammer?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail?
 Microsoft
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)*ckup completely?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ind another line of work.......?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)orget it!
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a gun and kill it.
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)ET THE SHOTGUN AND SHOOT THE DAMNED THING.
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et The Sledge Hammer?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (F)ail, (N)uke...
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (H)old Requiem Mass?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (K)ick system?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)verthrow System?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (P)lan a Funeral Service?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (S)orry I Asked...
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (V)alium?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (K)ill innocent bystanders
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, or (G)et a life?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)ee in drive door?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)elf-destruct?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)mack the friggin thing?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ue?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)wear?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake an axe to it?
%%
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
%%
A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
%%
A bottle is sitting on the table.
%%
A bottle of sweat for every bottle of wine.
%%
A bottle of wine, boudin rouge, and her!
%%
Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!)
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace.
 -- Leigh Hunt (1784-1859)
 -- Abou Ben Adhem
%%
About 1,900 women commit homicide in US *each year*
%%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%%
About all some women accomplish in life is to send a daughter to Radcliffe.
%%
About a maid I'll sing a song, sing rickety-tickety tin...
%%
About one-fifth of the people are against everything all the time.
 -- Robert F. Kennedy
%%
About Pontus there are some creatures of such an extempore being that
the whole term of their life is confined within the space of a day;
for they are brought forth in the morning, are in the prime of their
existence at noon, grow old at night, and then die.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Consolation to Apollonius
%%
About sentence fragments.
 -- Writing Rule 10
%%
About some act
That has no relish of salvation in 't.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
About the campaign in Detroit to "Stamp out the Beatles," John Lennon said:
   "We have a campaign to stamp out Detroit!"
%%
About them unfinished sentences and what they should be. And them subjects
 and objects which ought. Never no way should they not. Sometimes it is that
 they are and other times they aren't. I took the Evelyn Woods Speed Reading
 Course and don't know where I put it. Anyway, a sentence should always be.
%%
    About the only people who don't quarrel over religion are
the people who don't have any.
 -- Bob Edwards
%%
About the only person I know who was able to get through a weeks work and
 have it done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
%%
About the only person who has the time to write a book on how to raise a
 child is a bachelor.
%%
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
%%
About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor
of the plain people is the stork.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
About the only thing you should be able to say about a Catholic priest
 is that his father wasn't one.
%%
About the only way to stay awake during an after-dinner speech is to make
 it. Sometimes, even this solution fails!
%%
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a
blunt ax.  It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes
instead.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
About the worst advice you can give to some people is, "Be yourself."
 -- Tom Masson
%%
About to exchange her fur wrap for a dressing gown:
 Would you be shocked if I put on something more comfortable?
%%
About you stretches the beach of Ebosskil. The sand is unnaturally
white, reflecting its strange origins in an act of magic. The
sand continues up a hill to the west. There are signs of ruins
visible to the northwest and southwest. You cannot cross the broken
terrain to the north and south.
%%
Above a condom vending machine:

Dont buy this gum... it tastes like shit!

But WOW! Look at the bubbles you can blow...
%%
Above a condom vending machine:

For refund insert baby.
%%
Above all, beware of Zeal!
%%
Above all, do not fail to give good dinners, and pay attention to the
 women.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Above all else -- sky.
%%
Above all Greek, above all Roman fame.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 26
%%
Above any Greek or Roman name.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Upon the Death of Lord Hastings, Line 76
%%
Above fire; below, the lake:
The image of Opposition.
Thus amid all fellowship
The superior man retains his individuality.
%%
Above the lovers struggle in dark corners, desperate as the night moves on.
%%
Above the pitch, out of tune, and off the hinges.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. xix
%%
Above the smoke and stir of this dim spot
Which men call earth.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 5
%%
Above the vulgar flight of common souls.
 -- Arthur Murphy (1727-1805)
 -- Zenobia, Act v
%%
Above you is a grating locked with a skull-and-crossbones lock.
%%
Above you is an open grating with sunlight pouring in.
%%
A bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down -- And won.
 -- John Prine
%%
A box has nine ears of corn in it.  A
squirrel carries out three ears a day,
but it takes him nine days to carry
all the corn away.  Why?
 Carries an ear of corn and
 two ears for hearing...
%%
A Boxing Cornerman's Story: Dawson DeTowel
%%
A box of punchcards could theoretically store 240,000 bytes of information,
 and usually stored less than 80,000.   Think about it.
 -- Karlie-q
%%
A box without hinges, key, or lid,
Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
%%
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedence, loyalty, and the
 importance of turning around three times before lying down.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
 -- John Steinbeck (1902-1968)
%%
A boy is a magical creature -- you can lock him out of your workshop,
but you can't lock him out of your heart.
 -- Allan Beck
%%
A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.
 -- Homer in "Tell-Tale Head", from The Simpsons
%%
abracadabra
%%
ABR: Add Beyond Range
%%
Abraham Lincoln always said you can't fool all the people all of the time.
 But Abraham Lincoln was fooling when he said that.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
   Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.  Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands.  When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat.  He said,
"In onion there is strength."  Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address
while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.  He
also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave
the ex-Slaves citizenship.  the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture
show.  The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane
actor.        This ruined Booth's career.
 -- Richard Lederer, "Student Bloopers"
%%
Abraham Lincoln wrote his Gettysburg address on the BACK of an envelope and
 the Postal Service from that very day to the present time has been losing
 more and more mail each and every day. Put the address where you intend the
 mail to go on the FRONT of that envelope. The people at the Post Office are
 not mind readers, you know, and they need your help.
%%
A brain is as strong as it's weakest think.
 -- Tom's Law
%%
Abrasive - A fine mesh for sifting female undergarments.
%%
"A brave man dies only once, while a coward dies
 only once also.  It's just that the brave man gets
 it over with more quickly."
 -- C. E. Whitfield
%%
A brave man is sometimes a desperado; a bully is always a coward.
 -- Haliburton
%%
A brave man struggling in the storms of fate,
And greatly falling with a falling state.
While Cato gives his little senate laws,
What bosom beats not in his country's cause?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Prologue to Mr. Addison's Cato
%%
Abra was ready ere I called her name;
And though I called another, Abra came.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Solomon on the Vanity of the World, Book ii, Line 364
%%
A breath thou art,
Servile to all the skyey influences.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A bridge over turgid waters.
%%
ABRIDGE, v.t.  To shorten.

        When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for
    people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of
    mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel
    them to the separation.
                                                       Oliver Cromwell
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A brilliant maneuver destroys the bottle.
%%
A brilliant smile will get you fan mail from lighthouses.
%%
A bristlecone pine is just a fire's way of making another fire.
%%
  Abroad, adj.  At war with savages and idiots.  To be a
Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad
is to make others miserable.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary
%%
A broad and ample road, whose dust is gold,
And pavement stars,--as stars to thee appear
Seen in the galaxy, that milky way
Which nightly as a circling zone thou seest
Powder'd with stars.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vii, Line 577
%%
Abroad in the world today is a monstrous falsehood, a consummate
fabrication, to which all social agencies have loaned themselves and
into which most men, women, and children have been seduced ... "the
Eleventh Commandment"; for such, indeed, has become the injunction: You
Must Adjust.
 -- Robert M. Lindner (1915-1956)
%%
A broken bone can heal, but the wound a word opens can fester forever.
 -- Jessamyn West
%%
A broken-down harlot named Tupps
Was heard to confess in her cups:
   "The height of my folly
       Was diddling a collie-
But I got a nice price for the pups."           <Animal husbandry>
%%
A broken friendship may be solder'd, but will never be sound.
 -- Proverb
%%
A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xlii, 3
%%
ABRUPT, adj.  Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon-
shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most
affected by it.  Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another
author's ideas that they were "concatenated without abruption."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Abruptness is eloquence in parting, when spinning out the time is
but the weaving of new sorrow.
 -- Sir John Suckling
%%
A brute kills for pleasure.  A fool kills from hate.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Abscond:  To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying
relative and miss the return train.
%%
ABSCOND, v.i.  To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the
property of another.

    Spring beckons!  All things to the call respond;
    The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
                                                             Phela Orm
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Absence and death are the same-only that in death there is no suffering.
 -- Walter S. Landor
%%
Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind
blows out the candle and fans the bonfire.
 -- La Rochefoucald
%%
Absence in love is like water upon fire;
a little quickens, but much extinguishes it.
 -- Hannah More
%%
Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it
enkindles the great.
 -- Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
%%
Absence makes the dick grow longer.
%%
Absence makes the heart forget.
%%
Absence makes the heart go wander.
%%
Absence makes the heart grow fonder:
  Isle of Beauty, fare thee well!
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- Isle of Beauty
%%
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
 -- Sextus Propertius
(Semper in absentes felicior aestus amantes)
%%
Absence makes the heart grow frantic.
%%
Absence of evidence is evidence of absence of proof.
%%
Absence of Evidence is not Evidence of Absence
 -- UFO expert
%%
Absence of occupation is not rest,
A mind quite vacant is a mind distress'd.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Retirement, Line 623
%%
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
%%
ABSENCE
We've looked at the whole Solar System:
Mars, Venus, the Moon - you can list 'em.
Wherever we roam,
There's nobody home.
Perhaps they stepped out, and we missed 'em?
%%
Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
%%
ABSENT, adj.  Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed;
hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection
of another.

    To men a man is but a mind.  Who cares
    What face he carries or what form he wears?
    But woman's body is the woman.  O,
    Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,
    But heed the warning words the sage hath said:
    A woman absent is a woman dead.
                                                            Jogo Tyree
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
himself from the sphere of exaction.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Absent in body, but present in spirit.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians v, 3
%%
Absent thee from felicity awhile.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
%%
Absinthe makes the parts grow stronger.
%%
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
 -- Hugh Drummond
%%
ABSOLUTE, adj.  Independent, irresponsible.  An absolute monarchy is
one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases
the assassins.  Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them
having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereign's
power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics,
which are governed by chance.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Absolute freedom is being able to do what you please without considering
anyone except the except the wife and kids, the company and the boss,
neighbors and friends, the police and government, the doctor and the
church.
%%
Absolute knowledge means never having to change your mind.
%%
Absolutely. I certainly hope I am.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle on whether he is still on the
 -- Republican ticket. (Newsweek, August 10, 1992.)
%%
Absolutely no foolish horseplay allowed.
%%
Absolute Zero is cool - 0K?
%%
Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it's out of date.)
 -- Stafford Beer
%%
ABSTAINER, n.  A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
himself a pleasure.  A total abstainer is one who abstains from
everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the
affairs of others.

    Said a man to a crapulent youth:  "I thought
        You a total abstainer, my son."
    "So I am, so I am," said the scrapgrace caught --
        "But not, sir, a bigoted one."
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Abstain from beans.
%%
Abstain from beans; that is, keep out of public offices, for anciently
the choice of the officers of state was made by beans.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
%%
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and to the pocket.
 -- Horace Greeley
%%
Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation.
%%
Abstinence is as easy to me, as temperance would be difficult.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Abstinence is the thin end of the pledge.
%%
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
%%
Abstinence makes the heart grow fondler.
%%
Abstinence should be practiced with modulation.
%%
[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled
 to the utterly bewildered.
 -- Al Capp
%%
Abstraction is achieved by data hiding and enforced by encapsulation.
%%
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own
opinion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
 A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to
 a channeler in the 23rd century.  Any message you leave will be
 broadcast into the future.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
A buck of the first head.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
A Buddhist nudist practices yoga bare!
%%
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
 as afterward.
%%
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
%%
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
%%
A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual.
%%
A bug is always wrong .... when arguing with a chicken.
%%
A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept.
%%
A bunch of bunnies hopping backwards:  a receding hare line.
%%
A bunch of girly-men.
 -- Bush supporter Arnold Schwarzenegger, on the
 -- Democratic presidential candidates,
 -- one of whom had won the Medal of Honor.
 -- (I'm not a hero, but I play one on TV.)
%%
A bunch of guys were playing cards in the hospital. They figured out a
 method of playing poker using the diagnosis chart at the foot of the bed.
 First guy said, "I got a pair of hernias." Second guy says, "I have three
 ruptures." Third guy says, "Well, I have four enemas." Well, they gave him
 the pot.
 -- Davy Bold
%%
A bunch of the boys were whooping it in the Malemute saloon;
The kid that handles the music box was hitting a jag-time tune;
Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew,
And watching his luck was his light-o'-love,
the lady that's known as Lou.
 -- Robert W. Service
%%
Abundance = Big party held in a bakery.
%%
Abundance has success.
The king attains abundance.
Be not sad.
Be like the sun at midday.
%%
A bureaucrat's castle is his desk ... and parking place. Proceed
cautiously when changing either.
 -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
A bureaucrat's idea of cleaning up his files
is to make a copy of everything before he destroys it.
%%
A burger shy of a Happy Meal.
%%
A burlesque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
       But she read science fiction
  And died of constriction
Attempting a Moebius strip.
 -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"
%%
A burning dog needs no chimney.
%%
A burp is not an answer.
%%
A burrito is almost always a wonderful thing.
 -- karl@neosoft.com
%%
Abuse is a temporary display of power.
%%
Abuse is the weapon of the vulgar.
 -- Samuel Griswold Goodrich
%%
Abuse of words has been the great instrument of sophistry and
chicanery, of party, faction, and division of society.
 -- John Adams (1735-1826)
%%
Abuse only as directed.
%%
Abuses me to damn me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Abuse:  the bitter clamour of two evil tongues.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
A business, like an automobile, has to be driven
in order to get results.
 -- B.C. Forbes, publisher
%%
A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.
 -- Paul Valery
%%
A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
A business with an income at its heels
Furnishes always oil for its own wheels.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Retirement, Line 614
%%
abusus non tollit usum - abuse does not pass with use,
i.e. abuse is not a reason for giving up the legitimate use of a thing.
%%
ACADEME:  An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy:  A modern school where football is taught.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Academicians care, that's who.
%%
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
 -- Wallace Sayre
%%
A camel is a horse designed by committee.
A brontosaurus is a salamander designed to Mil-Spec.
%%
A Canadian is somebody who can make love in a canoe.
%%
A candidate for office can have no greater advantage than muddled syntax;
 no greater liability than a command of the language.
 -- Marya Mannes
%%
A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from
 the poor to protect them from each other.
%%
A candour affected is a dagger concealed.
 -- Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, book 9.
%%
A candy a day gives the dentist his pay.
%%
A cannibal only opens his mouth to change your feet.
%%
A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes.
%%
a capite ad calcem - from the head to the heel; this could be amended with
  a Latin dicky to 'from the head to the stomach', which seems apt
%%
A cap of good acid costs five dollars and for that you can hear the
Universal Symphony with God singing solo and the Holy Ghost on drums.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
A car and a truck approaching each other on an otherwise
deserted road will meet at the narrow bridge.
 -- Quigley's Law
%%
A card game doesn't exactly prepare me for this.
Yes, the stakes are higher, but then isn't that where the game gets
  interesting, Commander.
 -- Riker and Picard, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
A cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a
 dead woman.
 -- Larry Hagman (as J. R. Ewing in Dallas)
%%
A career is a job that has gone on too long.
 -- Jeff MacNelly
%%
A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through its hair
 -- Graffiti 4/13/83
%%
A carefully planned project takes two times longer to complete than expected.
 -- Golub's Second Law of Computerdom
%%
A car is just a big purse on wheels.
 -- Johanna Reynolds
%%
A car that starts when you have to go to work won't turn over
on your day off.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
A cast of Alexander's forehead: the ridges of a warrior.
%%
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not
prove anything.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
A cat a day will keep the Salmon away!
%%
A cat always land on it's feet - unless ya tie a brick round it's neck.
%%
A cat and his owner see a relationship counselor:
He doesn't want you to run the vacuum cleaner or go out on dates.
 -- Nicole Hollander
%%
A cat by any other name is still a scheming little fur ball
that craps behind the couch.
%%
A catcher and his body are like an outlaw and his horse: You've got to ride
 that nag 'til it drops.
 -- Johnny Bench
%%
A Catholic took his Protestant friend to Mass and the Priest talked and
 talked and talked. In one of the few moments of silence, the Protestant
 visitor turned to his Catholic host and asked in a rather loud stage
 whisper which everyone heard, " What follows when the Priest quits?" And
 the Catholic rather sorrowfully replied, "Monday!"
%%
A cat is, above all things, an ingredient of Chop Suey.
%%
A cat is a terrible thing to waste...drive safely.
%%
A Cat is Easier to Train Than a Man.
%%
A cat is easier to train than a moderator.
%%
A cat is only domestic so far as suits its own needs.
%%
A Cat Is The Only Real Love Money Can Buy.
%%
"A cat killer?  Is that a face of a cat killer?
 Cat CHASER, maybe.  But hey -- who isn't?"
 -- The Far Side, by Gary Larson
%%
A cat may looke on a King.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
A cat's best friend is his teddy bear.
 -- Garfield.
%%
A cat's courage is as strong as the dog's chain.
%%
A Catskill manhattan: a glass of beet soup with inside floating a small
 boiled potato.
 -- Mrs. Nussbaum (Minerva Pious)
%%
A cat's purr is the rumble of peace in the animal kingdom
 -- Rainey
%%
A cat's purr is the sound of it generating cute.
%%
A cat's worst enemy is a closed door.
%%
A cat will almost always blink when hit with a sledgehammer.
%%
A cat will assume the shape of its container.
%%
A cat will go "quack" - if you squeeze it hard enough.
%%
A cat without a hairball gland ... is only half a cat!
 -- Ren
%%
ACC: Advance CPU Clock
%%
Accent on helpful side of your nature.  Drain the moat.
%%
Accept a miracle instead of wit,--
See two dull lines with Stanhope's pencil writ.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- To Mr. Pope, Epistle i, Lines written with the Diamond Pencil
 -- of Lord Chesterfield
%%
Acceptance by government of a dissident press is a measure of the maturity of
a nation.
 -- William O. Douglas
%%
ACCEPTANCE TESTING:
   An unsuccessful attempt to find bugs.
%%
Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
 religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
 Western science.
 -- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"
%%
Accept finite disappointment, never lose infinite hope.
%%
Accept no substitutes!
%%
Accept people for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
%%
Accept these grateful tears! for thee they flow,--
For thee, that ever felt another's woe!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xix, Line 319
%%
Access denied---nah nah nah nah nah!
%%
Access denied. Take a number and get in line..
%%
Access holes will be 1/2" too small
 -- Smith's Law of Computer Repair
Holes that are the right size will be in the wrong place.
 -- Corollary
%%
Access Time:
The time between the instant at which information is called for, and
the instant at which management expects the final report.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Access to computers, and anything which might teach you comething
about the way the world workd, should be unlimited and total.
Always yield to the Hands-On imperative.
 -- Steven Levy
%%
Access to quick cash is a necessity for those spur-of-the-moment plans.
 -- from an IBM Southwest Federal Credit Union newsletter to members.
%%
ACCIDENTALLY STAINED DURING MOUNTING
accidentally dropped on the floor
 -- Research definitions
%%

Accident in Santa Cruz

At this place, August 15th, William D Farrand was shot in the thigh by
the accidental discharge of his pistol while he was in the act of
putting it in his pocket.  The wound is severe.
 -- From the Sacramento Daily Union of October 31, 1861
%%
Accident, n.: A condition in which presence of mind is good,
but absence of body is better.
%%
ACCIDENT, n.  An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable
natural laws.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Accidents are surprises set up by nature.
%%
Accidents can happen.
%%
Accidents cause History.
%%
Accidents cause History.

If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the
Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not
have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil
could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and
the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.
 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
Accidents happen! Wear your seat belt!
%%
Accidents never happen.
%%
Accident unavoidable. Continue anyway?
%%
Accolade - An effervescent fruit cordial made from Accos.
%%
Accommodated; that is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated; or
when a man is, being, whereby a' may be thought to be accommodated,--which
is an excellent thing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
A C compiler ? You call THAT a C compiler ?
%%
ACCOMPLICE, n.  One associated with another in a crime, having guilty
knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal,
knowing him guilty.  This view of the attorney's position in the
matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one
having offered them a fee for assenting.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to
 your regular duties.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
Accomplishment is its own reward. Pride obscures it.
 -- Major Briggs, from Twin Peaks
%%
According as the man is, so must you humour him.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Adelphoe, Act iii, Sc. 3, 77, (431.)
%%
According to a judicial decision in New York, "A railway company
which negligently throws a passenger from a crowded car on a trestle
is held liable for injury to a relative who, in going to his rescue,
falls through the trestle."
%%
According to all the latest reports,
there was no truth in any of the earlier reports.
%%
According to Descartes, "Dittoheads" don't exist...
%%
According to Descartes, Rush Limbaugh doesn't exist.
%%
According to experts, the oyster
In its shell - a crustacean cloister -
May frequently be
Either he or a she
Or both, if it should be its choice ter.
%%
"According to Homer, Ithaca is an island surrounded by rough tides,
rocky shores, and otherwise man-breeding features.  But, considering
the kind of man Odysseus was, I don't blame you for not liking it."
 -- Ashley Barfield
%%
According to most parents, what their children are taking in college
 is...all they've got!
%%
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
 -- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
%%
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
%%
According to my Doctor, patients ARE a virtue
%%
"According to my instruments -- they're preparing
 to jump into hyper-space... or go to warp drive...
 or something like that."
 -- Yes, it's JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL. 3 points.
%%
According to Prof. TAA of MIT Tech, the rapidly changing magnetic
fields in the room are so intense as to cause you to be electrocuted.
I really don't know, but in any event, something has killed you.
%%
According to Prof. TAA of MIT Tech, the rapidly changing magnetic
fields in the room are so intense as to fry all the delicate innards
of the robot.  I really don't know, but in any event, smoke is coming
out of its ears, and it has stopped moving.
%%
According to statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't
 know who this fella is, but I know where to find him.
 -- Morey Amsterdam
%%
According to the ceremonial customs of Orthodox Judaism, it is officially
sundown when you cannot tell the difference between a black thread
and a red one. 
%%
According to the current doctrines of mysticoscientism, we human animals are
really and actually nothing but "organic patterns of nodular energy composed
of collocations of infinitesimal points oscillating on the multi-dimensional
coordinates of the space-time continuum". I'll have to think about that.
Sometime. Meantime, I'm going to gnaw on this sparerib, drink my Blatz beer,
and contemplate the a posteriori coordinates of that young blonde over yonder,
the one in the tennis skirt, tying her shoelaces.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
        According to the FAA, the propeller blade didn't break off, it
was just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."
%%
According to the latest official figures,
 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
%%
According to the law of the Medes and Persians.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Daniel vi, 12
%%
According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never dies.
%%
According to the proverb, the best things are the most difficult.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
beat up their city anytime.
 -- David Letterman, "Late Night with David Letterman"
%%
According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December
22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm."
Their "farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year.  But
as a "family farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a
year.
%%
According to the Theory of Dubious Theories...
%%
Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
%%
ACCORDION, n.  An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an
assassin.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ACCORD, n.  Harmony.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ACCOUNTABILITY, n.  The mother of caution.

    "My accountability, bear in mind,"
        Said the Grand Vizier:  "Yes, yes,"
    Said the Shah:  "I do -- 'tis the only kind
        Of ability you possess."
                                                            Joram Tate
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Accountants are good with figures.
%%
Accountants do it for profit.
%%
Accountants do it with balance
%%
Accountants do it with double entry.
%%
Accountants' minds are always in NumLock!
%%
Accountant - someone who can put two and two together and make a living
from it.
%%
ACCOUNTANTS!
Problems balancing the books?
Got a few figures you want to get rid of?
If *you've* got numbers that you'd like to disappear, why not call
FASCIST ARSON SERVICES. We'd be happy to burn any sensitive papers
or books you may have lying around. Ask about our very reasonable
Government building charges.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Accountants work their assets off.
%%
Accumulate mannequins now; spare parts will be in short supply on D-Day.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
:accumulator: n. 1. Archaic term for a register.  On-line use of it
   as a synonym for `register' is a fairly reliable indication that
   the user has been around for quite a while and/or that the
   architecture under discussion is quite old.  The term in full is
   almost never used of microprocessor registers, for example, though
   symbolic names for arithmetic registers beginning in `A' derive
   from historical use of the term `accumulator' (and not, actually,
   from `arithmetic').  Confusingly, though, an `A' register name
   prefix may also stand for `address', as for example on the
   Motorola 680x0 family.  2. A register being used for arithmetic or
   logic (as opposed to addressing or a loop index), especially one
   being used to accumulate a sum or count of many items.  This use is
   in context of a particular routine or stretch of code.  "The
   FOOBAZ routine uses A3 as an accumulator."  3. One's in-basket
   (esp. among old-timers who might use sense 1).  "You want this
   reviewed?  Sure, just put it in the accumulator."  (See {stack}.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Accuracy and clarity of statement are mutually exclusive.
 -- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
%%
Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty.
 -- Charles Simmons
%%
Accuracy is to a newspaper what virtue is to a lady, but a newspaper can
always print a retraction.
 -- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right
%%
Accuracy of statement is one of the first elements of truth; inaccuracy
is a near kin to falsehood.
 -- Tyron Edwards
%%
Accurate fortune tellers should be shot.
%%
Accurate reckoning -- the entrance into the knowledge of all existing
things and all obscure secrets.
 -- Ahmes the Scribe (17th cent. B.C.)
%%
Accursed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the people.
%%
Accurst ambition, how dearly I have bought you.
 -- John Dryden
%%
Accuse, and so shall it be committed.
%%
Accuse fun-run organisers of discrimination.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Accuse not Nature: she hath done her part;
Do thou but thine.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 561
%%
ACCUSE, v.t.  To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a
justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
accusing Bush/defending Clinton of lying.
 -- Liberal hypocrisy
%%
Accustomed to the veneer of noise, to the shibboleths of promotion,
public relations, and market research, society is suspicious of those
who value silence.
 -- John Lahr
%%
Accustom him to everything, that he may not be a Sir Paris, a carpet-knight,
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. xxv, Of the Education of Children
%%
ACCY MAJORS do it in numbers.
%%
ACDC: Allow Controller to Delete Contents
%%
ACDP: Allow Controller to Die Peacefully
%%
Ace: Doctor, we did good, didn't we?
       Doctor: Perhaps.   Time will tell.  Always does.
 -- Remembrance of the Daleks
%%
Ace Exterminating - We kill bugs. Dead walk-in's welcome.
 -- Sign at an office
%%
Ace, give me a can of that nitro-nine you're NOT carrying.
 -- 7th Dr.
%%
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,
then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
A celebrity is someone who works hard all during life to attain
 recognition, and once having attained it, and finding out what it really is
 like, works for the remainder of his life trying to go about unrecognized.
%%
A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any
hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.
 -- Carl Sagan, Contact
%%
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists
 are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.
 -- Ronnie Corbett
%%
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
 -- Granville Hicks (1901-1982)
%%
A centipede is an ant, made to government specs.
%%
A centipede is an inchworm that has switched to the metric system.
%%
ACEPHALOUS, adj.  In the surprising condition of the Crusader who
absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar
had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de
Joinville.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"A certain person may have, as you say, a wonderful
 presence: I do not know. What I do know is that he
 has a perfectly delightful absence."
 -- Idries Shah
%%
Ace: Sorry, Bongo, but lunch is ... on Mellie.
 -- Red Dwarf, 'Dimension Jump'
%%
Acetone = What you do in exercise class...
%%
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.
%%
A chain of lynx; a peck of birds; a hoard of squirrels...
%%
A chair has no problems ... It's there; nobody bothers it.
It doesn't have to pay rent or get involved politically.
A chair can never stub its toe or misplace its earmuffs.
It doesn't have to smile or get a haircut, and you never
have to worry that if you take it to a party it will
suddenly start coughing or make a scene.  People just
sit in a chair, and when those people die other people
sit in it.
%%
A chair:        Technical support.
%%
A change came o'er the spirit of my dream.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Dream, Stanza 3
%%
...A change of clothes?
Of course, sir! I wouldn't forget a change of clothes!
Well, that's something. Let's see...a Robin Hood costume.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Corporal Punishment
%%
A chap was sealed in a rocket ship and shot upwards to see how high he
 could go. He was told to keep track of the altitude, so he kept counting,
 20,000, 30,000, 100,000, 500,000. When he got this far, he said to himself,
 "Jesus Christ!" And a very soft voice answered back: "Yesssss?"
 -- Edna Purviance
%%
A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often.
%%
A Charter Member of the "New Wave" software!
%%
A chase always involves two parts: first breaking contact, second the
retiring action to divorce oneself from the incident.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
A chasm, evidently produced by an ancient river, runs through the
cave here.  Passages lead off in all directions.
%%
A cheap dominatrix offers bargain debasement.
%%
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
%%
A cheap thrill is still a thrill.
%%
Achh, me taglines!  They canna take namore, Captain.
%%
A chicken ain't nothin' but a bird.
%%
A chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce.
 -- John Peers
%%
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
%%
"A Chicken McNugget doesn't die any easier than a baby fur seal."
 -- Ted Nugent
%%
A chief event of life is the day in which we have encountered a mind that
startles us.
 -- Emerson
%%
ACHIEVEMENT, n.  The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Achieve time control.
%%
A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only
 to be right but also to be wrong.
 -- Thomas Szasz
%%
A child can go only so far in life without potty training.  It is not
mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty
trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
A child educated only at school is an uneducated child.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
A child hasn't a grown-up person's appetite for affection. A little of it
 goes a long way with them; and they like a good imitation of it better than
 the real thing, as every nurse knows.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
A child is an angel looking like a clown.
 -- Thomas S. Monson
%%
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a
perfectly good kitten.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
A child is a person who will try mightily to live up to whatever
 expectations you have of them, when you tell them what you expect.
%%
     A child is highly creative
     until he starts to school.
 -- STANLEY CZURLES
%%
A childless marriage is difficult, since there is a real strain in finding
 someone to blame for all the failures. There just are not enough folks to
 go around.
%%
A child miseducated is a child lost.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
A child of five would understand this.
 -- Send someone to fetch a child of five.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
A child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or, for thy more sweet understanding,
a woman.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
A child prodigy knows not to bother with it.
%%
A child squeals real loud when picked up by the ears.
%%
A child's spirit is like a child, you can never catch it by running
after it; you must stand still, and, for love, it will soon itself
come back.
 -- Arthur Miller, The Crucible
%%
A child's talent to endure, stems from a vast ignorance of the alternatives
 available to the child.
%%
A child tells in the street what its father and mother say at home.
 --  The Talmud
%%
A child, when it begins to speak, learns what it is that it knows
 -- John Hall Wheelock
%%
A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
 -- Skoff's Law
%%
Achilles absent was Achilles still.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 418
%%
Achilles cannot defeat the tortoise if he thinks of space and time
 -- Paul Valery
%%
Achilles' wrath, to Greece the direful spring
Of woes unnumber'd, heavenly goddess, sing!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book i, Line 1
%%
A chiseler is a man who goes stag to a wife-swapping party.
%%
A choice is always possible, even without any options.
%%
A christian in this world is but gold in the ore; at death the pure
gold is melted out and separated and the dross cast away and consumed.
 -- Flavel
%%
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did
 on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
 -- Thomas Ybarra
%%
A Christian is the highest style of man.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 788
%%
A chronic borrower begged an old friend to lend him a hundred dollars.
 "I'll pay it back the minute I return from Chicago," he promised. "Exactly
 what day are you returning?" the friend asked. The man shrugged. "Who's
 going?"
 -- Myron Cohen
%%
A chronic disposition to inquiry
deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
%%
A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell.
%%
                        ACHTUNG!!!

Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.  Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen.  Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets.  Relaxen und
vatch das blinkenlights!!!
%%
Ach, twas a wee monster in the loch.
%%
A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
 Avoid him. He's a Commie.
%%
A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag
 about it to persons who will never get there.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
"A church spire nestling among the trees... there's probably a
church there too."
 -- Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV
"Well, I shall remember that catch for many a dying day."
 -- Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3
%%
Acid absorbs 47 times it's weight in excess Reality.
%%
Acid -- better living through chemistry.
%%
Acid rain dissolves styrofoam.
%%
Acid Rain - Not as groovey as it sounds.
%%
Acieeeeeed!
%%
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
%%
A circle is the longest distance to the same point.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
A circulating library in a town is as an evergreen tree of diabolical
knowledge.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
 won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
 -- Herbert Prochnow
%%
A city man is a home anywhere, for all big cities are much alike. But a
country man has a place where he belongs, where he always returns, and where,
when the time comes, he is willing to die.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Ack!!
%%
:ACK: /ak/ interj. 1. [from the ASCII mnemonic for 0000110]
   Acknowledge.  Used to register one's presence (compare mainstream
   *Yo!*).  An appropriate response to {ping} or {ENQ}.
   2. [from the comic strip "Bloom County"] An exclamation of
   surprised disgust, esp. in "Ack pffft!"  Semi-humorous.
   Generally this sense is not spelled in caps (ACK) and is
   distinguished by a following exclamation point.  3. Used to
   politely interrupt someone to tell them you understand their point
   (see {NAK}).  Thus, for example, you might cut off an overly
   long explanation with "Ack.  Ack.  Ack.  I get it now".

   There is also a usage "ACK?" (from sense 1) meaning "Are you
   there?", often used in email when earlier mail has produced no
   reply, or during a lull in {talk mode} to see if the person has
   gone away (the standard humorous response is of course {NAK}
   (sense 2), i.e., "I'm not here").
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ACK and ye shall receive.
%%
ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t.  To confess.  Acknowledgement of one another's
faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster - it is an opportunity.
%%
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #33
%%
A clean basement means a cluttered garage.
%%
A clean conscience improves one's self-esteem.
%%
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
%%
A clean desk is the sign of a cluttered mind.
%%
A clean disk is the sign of a sick computer.
%%
A clean disk is the sign of a warped drive.
%%
A clean limerick is a contradiction in terms.
%%
A clean, neat, and orderly desk is a sure sign of a sick mind.
%%
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
 -- Diner's Dilemma
%%
A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory.
%%
A clear conscience needs no public information officer.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A clere conscience is a sure carde.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, page 207
%%
A Clerk ther was of Oxenforde also.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 287
%%
A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough.  You see, right away I
 recognized your `pistol' as a cleverly disguised cigarette lighter.
%%
A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
%%
A clever tagline is a good excuse for posting a message.
%%
A Clockwork Orange, the story of a young man whose principal
interests are rape, ultra-violence and Beethoven
%%
A closed mind doesn't need drugs. It is already wasted.
%%
A closed mind gathers no intelligence.
%%
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 -- Finster's Law
%%
A closed mouth gathers no flies.
%%
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
%%
A closed mouth maintains a happy mind.
%%
A close mouth catches no flies.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
A cloud cannot cast a shadow unless the sun is shining behind it.
%%
A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such
a speed, if feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now. But the
sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will
know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.
 -- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
A cloud of darkness falls upon you.
%%
A cloud of gas puts you to sleep!
%%
A cloud of purple smoke appears, then clears away to reveal a tall
sorcerer wearing tacky shoes.  He makes a note of what you've just said,
and says "Be nice.  This is supposed to be a g-rated adventure."  He
then vanishes.
%%
A cloud of purple smoke forms before your very eyes, and dissipates
revealing a tall sorcerer in wireframe glasses and blue jeans.
he fixes you with a vicious glare and proclaims "Arson is not allowed in
this game.  Try it again and strict measures shall be taken.  You have
been warned."  He then vanishes into thin air.
%%
A cloud of purple smoke forms, blocking your way.  A voice booms out,
"Shop-lifting is not allowed in this game!"
%%
A cloud of purple smoke suddenly appears out of thin air.  You hear a
hollow voice say, "Please don't climb the walls."
%%
A cloud of witnesses.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews xii, 1
%%
A clove of garlic a day keeps your best friends away.
%%
A clown is a clown and will always be a clown.
 -- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
ACLU - American Criminal Liberties Union
%%
ACLU - American Criminals' Lobbyist Union
%%
ACLU - Association of Creepy Lawyers and Utopians
%%
ACLU mascot is a red Devil!
%%
ACME Space and Explosives - We can put anything in orbit!!!
%%
ACME Syringe Company - You got the right one baby! Uh Huh!
%%
A cock has great influence on his own dunghill.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 357
%%
A coin. Good. I will replicate one immediately.
 -- Data
%%
A cold Diet Coke and another Camel.
%%
A collaborative project: one in which individuals participate
voluntarily, cooperate freely, rotate authorship seniority and disagree
amicably, working on projects of no forseeable use to anyone.
%%
A COLLEAGUE - Someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
A college education shows a man how little other people know.
 -- Haliburton
%%
A college joke to cure the dumps.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Cassinus and Peter
%%
A college professor is someone smart enough to get a Ph.D., but too crazy to
make a living.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
A column about errors will contain errors.
 -- Bill Gold
%%
A comely olde man as busie as a bee.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues and his England, Page 252
%%
A commercial, and in some respects a social, doubt has been started within the
last year or two, whether or not it is right to discuss so openly the security
or insecurity of locks.  Many well-meaning persons suppose that the
discussion respecting the means for baffling the supposed safety of locks
offers a premium for dishonesty, by showing others how to be dishonest.
This is a fallacy.  Rogues are very keen in their profession, and already
know much more than we can teach them respecting their several kinds of
roguery.  Rogues knew a good deal about lockpicking long before locksmiths
discussed it among themselves, as they have lately done.  If a lock -- let
it have been made in whatever country, or by whatever maker -- is not so
inviolable as it has hitherto been deemed to be, surely it is in the
interest of *honest* persons to know this fact, because the *dishonest*
are tolerably certain to be the first to apply the knowledge practically;
and the spread of knowledge is necessary to give fair play to those who
might suffer by ignorance.  It cannot be too earnestly urged,
that an acquaintance with real facts will, in the end, be better
for all parties.
-- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks, 
-- published around 1850 
%%
A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly
 strangled.
 -- Sir Barnett Cocks
%%
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
A committee is an animal with a hundred stomachs and no brains.
%%
A committee is a thing which takes a week to do what one good man
can do in an hour.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
A committee is the only known form of life
with a hundred bellies and no brain.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
A committee is the safest place to pass the buck.
 -- Gary B. Wright
%%
A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
 -- Kennedy's Comment on Committees
%%
A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies,
scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.
 -- Parkinson
%%
A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely
foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- Mostly Harmless
%%
A commune is where people join together to share
their lack of wealth.
 -- Richard M. Stallman
%%
A communist is a person who publicly airs his dirty Lenin.
 -- Jack Pomeroy
%%
A communist is like a crocodile:  when it opens its mouth you cannot
tell whether it is trying to smile or preparing to eat you up.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
A community is like a ship; everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.
 -- Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906), "An Enemy of the People", 1882
%%
A community of matter appears to exist throughout the visible universe,
for the stars contain many of the elements which exist in the Sun and
Earth.  It is remarkable that the elements most widely diffused through
the host of stars are some of those most closely connected with the
living organisms of our globe, including hydrogen, sodium, magnesium,
and iron.  May it not be that, at least, the brighter stars are like our
Sun, the upholding and energizing centres of systems of worlds, adapted
to be the abode of living beings?
 -- William Huggins
%%
A commuter is one who never knows how a show comes out
because he has to leave early to catch a train
to get him back to the country in time to catch a train
to bring him back to the city.
%%
A company in California has started to market "camouflage toilet paper"
for use in the woods and plans to run testimonials from hunters who claim
they have been shot at while using ordinary toilet paper (by hunters who
mistook them for white-tailed deer).
 -- from 'News of the Weird" in the San Jose Mercury News
%%
A company is judged by the president it keeps.
 -- James Hulbert
%%
A company is known by the people it keeps.
%%
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
 -- Robert Heinlein
%%
A complex system cannot be made to work. It either works or it doesn't.
%%
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a
simple system that works....A complex system designed from scratch never
works and cannot be patched up to make it work.  You have to start over,
beginning with a working simple system.
 -- GRADY BOOCH--OBJECT ORIENTED DESIGN
%%
A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.
 -- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
A component's degree of reliability is directly proportional to it's ease of
accessibility (the harder it is to get to, the more often it breaks down).
 -- Johnathan Waddell
%%
A comprehended God is no God.
%%
A compromise is the art of dividing the cake in such a way
that each one thinks he is getting the biggest piece.
 -- Ludwig Erhard, in "The Observer", 1958
%%
A computer a day.....
%%
A computer addict needs 26 hours in a day, all 8 days of the week...
%%
A computer cuts your work in half and gives you back the bloody stumps.
%%
A Computer Date - A calculated risk.
%%
A computer error will cause your next paycheck to be for 37 cents.
%%
A computer is just a toy if it cannot run GNU Emacs
 -- Steven L. Baur
%%
A computer isn't expensive IF you pay enough for it.
%%
A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people
who were made redundant by the computer.
%%
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in
human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
 -- Mitch Ratliffe, _Technology Review_ April, 1992
%%
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working
 20 years make.
%%
A computer may not be able to foul things up as well as a human being, but
 it does it much faster and with a great deal more efficiency.
%%
A computer program does what you tell it to do,
not what you want it to do.
%%
A Computer Programmer is a machine for turning Coke into code.
%%
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
%%
A computer, to print out a fact,
 Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
 But this output can be
 No more than debris,
 if the input was short of exact.
 -- Gigo
%%
A computer without software just decorates your desk.
%%
A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 -- Matz's Maxim
%%
A conclusion is what you've come to when you reach the point where you can't
think anymore.
%%
A condo committee was screening a couple interested in renting an apartment:
What kind of work do you do? they were asked.
My husband is an engineer and I'm a school-teacher, the wife replied.
Any children? asked a committee member.
Yes, 7 & 8 years old, the wife replied.
Animals? asked another committee member.
Oh no!  They're very well-behaved!
%%
A conference is
a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing,
but together can decide that nothing can be done.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
A conference of Polish economists was convened.  It's object was to
try to find a way of increasing the value of the zloty.  One delegate
suggested that they drill four holes in them and sell them as buttons.
%%
"A congressionally-funded study has determined that many smokers
are ignoring the warning labels on cigarette packages"
 -- from a newspaper article
%%
A conjecture both deep and profound
Is whether a circle is round.
   In a paper of Erdos
   written in Kurdish
A counterexample is found.
%%
A conqueror is always a lover of peace.
 -- Karl von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
               [from "On war"; copied by Lenin in his notebook,
              with notation, "Ah, Ah, witty".]
%%
A conscience cannot prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
 -- Harry Hershfield
%%
A Conscientious Conservative doesn't call his computer a PC.
%%
A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, March 17, 1845
%%
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for
 the first time.
 -- Alfred E. Wiggam
%%
A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
 -- Elbert Hubbard, "Epigrams"
%%
A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
A conservative is a man who wants the rules changed so no one can make a pile
the way he did.
 -- Gregory Nunn
%%
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has
never learned how to walk forward.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
A conservative is a person who does not think that anything should be done
 for the first time.
%%
A conservative is a person who lives in a past that never existed.
%%
A conservative is Society's version of a computer virus.
%%
A conservative sees a man drowning fifty feet from shore. The conservative
 throws the man a rope 25 feet long and tells the man to start swimming, all
 the while wondering where he is going to send the bill for the 25 feet of
 rope used in this effort. Just down the beach, a liberal sees a man
 drowning fifty feet from shore. The liberal borrows 50 feet of rope from a
 neighbor and throws this to the drowning man. He does not hold on to the
 end of the rope, since he is busily looking for someone else from whom he
 may borrow another fifty feet of rope, just to make sure that man has
 enough. The swimmer can hardly afford the conservative and can hardly
 survive the liberal.
%%
A conservative's generosity is limited to self.
%%
A conservative wears suspenders as well as an outside belt, and also an
 inside secret belt, for his money. He is against the Democrats for what
 they stand for and against the Republicans because they don't stand for
 what they should. He is for reform, which should come at some other time
 than right now, since there is no need for redress of the present and there
 is need to let the future take care of itself.
%%
A consistent fool minds little hobgoblins.
%%
A CONSULTANT - Any ordinary guy with a briefcase more than 50 miles from home.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
A consultant is a man who knows fifty marvelous ways to make love, but does
 not know a women to whom these charms may be applied.
%%
A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
%%
A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what
 time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
%%
A consultant is someone who asks their client what time it is, writes the
answer in a report and charges the client for the privilege.
%%
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvii, 15
%%
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
 -- John M. Dyer
%%
A contortionist hailing from Lynch
Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
    A foot cost a quid --
 He could and he did
Stretch it to three in a pinch.
%%
A contradiction in terms: >>User Friendly<<
%%
A conversation with you, Baldrick, and somehow, death loses its sting..
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
"A cookie store is a bad idea.  Besides, the market research reports say
America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
 -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
%%
A cook is only as good as his ingredients.
Delicious.
 -- Riker & Worf,  "Time Squared,"  stardate 42679.2.
%%
A cop asks for your identification, and you hand him your belt-buckle.
%%
A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the
damned things is ample.
 -- Rebecca West
%%
A Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
A cosmos without the Doctor scarcely bears thinking about.
 -- Master, The Five Doctors
%%
A couch is as good as a chair.
%%
A countenance more in sorrow than in anger.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
A country boy goes to the city to make enough money to retire and go
back to the country to live.
%%
A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
 -- German Proverb
%%
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
A couple beer cans don't worry me.  It's those irresponsible ppl.
who're always leaving their barbed wire, dams, survey stakes, &c.
around the wilderness that disgust me.  i always feel obligated to
clean up after them.
 -- Dave Palmer, arxt@quads.uchicago.edu
%%
     A couple I know were discussing their wallpaper, which had just
been hung.  Dov was annoyed at Debby's indifference to what he felt was
a poor job.  "The problem is that I'm a perfectionist and you're not,"
he finally said to her.
     "Exactly!" she replied.  "That's why you married me and I married
you!"
%%
A couple more shots of whiskey, women 'round here start looking good.
 -- [something about a 10 being a 4 after a six-pack?  Ed.]
%%
A couple of homeboys.
%%
A couple of lightyears can't part good friends.
 -- Robin's Law #103
%%
A couple of men go to rob a bank.  They back their car up to the doors
of the bank, tie a chain around the door handles, then around their
fender, then hit the gas.  The fender rips off the car and they panic
and speed away.  The police recovered the fender AND THE LICENSE PLATE
and tracked down the puzzled crooks.
%%
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
 -- Westheimer's Discovery
%%
A couplet short of a sonnet.
%%
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
%%
A court is a place where what was confused before becomes more unsettled
than ever.
 -- Henry Waldorf Francis
%%
A cousin of mine once said about money,
money is always there but the pockets change;
it is not in the same pockets after a change,
and that is all there is to say about money.
 -- Gertrude Stein
%%
Acoustic:  Instrument used in billiards...
%%
Acoustic - Some sort of instrument used in the playing of a game called
 pool.
%%
ACOUSTIC: What you play pool with.
%%
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
 -- Marvin Kitman
%%
A coward is much more exposed to quarrels than a man of spirit.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
A cowardly cur barks more fiercely than it bites.
 -- Quintus Curtius Rufus
%%
A cowboy is a farm boy in leather britches and a comical hat.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A cowboy is a hired hand on the middle of a horse contemplating the hind end
of a cow.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
   A cow comes flying over the battlements,  lowing aggressively.  The cow
   lands on GALAHAD'S PAGE, squashing him completely.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
A cow eats without a knife.
%%
ACQT: Advance Clock to Quitting Time
%%
ACQUAINTANCE, n.  A person whom we know well enough to borrow from,
but not well enough to lend to.  A degree of friendship called slight
when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or
famous.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Acquire - A group of singers commonly found in churches.
%%
Acquire new knowledge whilst thinking over the old, and you may become a
teacher of others.
 -- Confucius
%%
A crane is calling in the shade.
Its young answers it.
I have a good goblet.
I will share it with you.
%%
A crank in armor will never harm her.
%%
A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet.
%%
A crate of UZI's, a carton of whiskey...lets go to Disneyland!
%%
A crate of UZI's, a carton of whiskey...let's party!
%%
A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body?  With
 TENTACLES for arms?  Hunh.  Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct.
  Let's kill it.
%%
A crew member drinks - drink!
%%
A crew member is in casual clothes - drink!
%%
A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient
capital to form a corporation.
 -- Howard Scott, Economist
%%
A criminal lawyer - is there any other kind?
%%
A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's forget the whole thing".
 -- Ferguson's Precept.
%%
A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.
 -- Whitney Balliet
%%
"A critic is a gong at a railroad crossing, clanging loudly and
vainly as the train goes by."
 -- Christopher Morley
%%
A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
%%
A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
%%
A "critic" is a person who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified
to judge the work of creative people. There is logic in this; he is
unbiased-- he hates all creative people equally.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
A critic is a person who knows the way but can't drive the car.
%%
A critic is to an author as a fungus to an oak.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
ACRONYM = Abbreviated Coded Rendition Of Name Yielding Meaning.
%%
Acronyms and abbreviations should be used to the maximum extent possible to
make trivial ideas profound...........Q.E.D.
 -- Augustine's Law Number IX
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Acronyms: Tools for the profusion of confusion (TFTPOC)
%%
Acrophobes get down.
%%
Acrophobia Explained: Alfredo Heights
%%
Across the abyss.
%%
Across the walnuts and the wine.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Miller's Daughter
%%
A crucifix?  Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire!
%%
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair with a Saracen.
She was not oversexed, Or jealous or vexed, She just wanted to make a
comparison.
%%
A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.
 -- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
A cry of alarm. Arms at evening and at night.
Fear nothing.
%%
Act casual and say NOTHING!
%%
Act immature at least three times a day.
%%
Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from
 coughing.
 -- Sir Ralph Richardson
%%
Acting is not being emotional, but being able to express emotion.
 -- Kate Reid
%%
Acting on a good idea is better than just having a good idea.
%%
Acting on assumptions is acting in ignorance & stupidity
%%
Acting without thinking can be awfully entertaining.
%%
Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming.
%%
Act in your pauses.
 -- Ellen Terry (to Cedric Hardwicke)
%%
Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.
 -- Parkinson's XIIIth Law
%%
Action is eloquence.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Action is the last refuge of those who cannot dream.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Action is the proper fruit of knowledge.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without
action.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Actions are neither as good nor as evil as impulses.
%%
Actions are the insipid reflections of our motives.
%%
Actions are usually right, but the reasons seldom are.
%%
Actions from sanity are not necessarily from feeling.
%%
Action should culminate in wisdom.
 -- Bhagavad Gita
%%
Actions lie louder than words.
 -- Carolyn Wells
%%
Actions of the last age are like almanacs of the last year.
 -- Sir John Denham (1615-1668)
 -- The Sophy, A Tragedy
%%
Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.
 -- Dietrich Bonhoffer
%%
Actions speak louder than coaches.
%%
Actions speak louder than words -- but not so often.
%%
Actions speak louder than words.
 -- Proverb
%%
Action, to be effective, must be directed to clearly conceived ends.
 -- Jawaharial Nehru
%%
Action without study is fatal. Study without action is futile.
 -- Mary Beard
%%
Activation Energy:   The useful quantity of energy available in one cup
   of coffee.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Act like a cartoon character.  Most of your companions will be.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Act like you've been there before.
 -- Steve Jacobson, of Newsday, quoting Paul Brown,
 -- the famous football coach,
 -- on advice to his players who reached the end zone
%%
Act natural.
%%
Act now and get a FREE Cheese Grater!
%%
Act now and get a free gift with that tagline!
%%
Actor: Boris Karloff - Real name: William Henry Pratt
%%
Actor: Cary Grant - Real name: Archibald Leach
%%
Actor: Edward G. Robinson - Real name: Emmanual Goldenburg
%%
Actor Gary Busey, seriously injured in a motorcycle accident, was not
 wearing a helmet at the time. He says he does not believe that people need
 to wear such items, since he survived and he thus opposes laws requiring
 riders to wear any helmet. Says also he plans to go fishing for skyhooks in
 Laos when Europe is open after the war and that gas prices will reflect the
 loss of carrots. He fully expects the return of Nordac to Lauter and will
 not drink water during this time. Claims full recovery from accident, which
 he does not clearly seem to remember.
%%
Actor: Gene Wilder - Real name: Gerald Silberman
%%
Actor:  "I'm a smash hit.  Why, yesterday during the last act, I had
  everyone glued in their seats!"
Oliver Herford:        "Wonderful!  Wonderful!  Clever of you to think of
    it!"
%%
Actor: John Wayne - Real name: Marion Morrison
%%
Actor: Kirk Douglas - Real name: Issur Danielovitch
%%
Actor: Richard Burton - Real name: Richard Jenkins Jr.
%%
Actor: Roy Rogers - Real name: Leonard Slye
%%
Actors aren't quite human, but then again, who is?
%%
Actors are the only honest hypocrites.
 -- Hazlitt
%%
Actors:  Bores to themselves, to others caviare.
 -- Phaedrus
%%
Actors do it in the lime light.
%%
Actors do it on camera.
%%
Actors do it on cue.
%%
Actors do it on stage.
%%
Actor:  So what do you do for a living?
Doris: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving
   dishes for Chinese restaurants.
 -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%%
Actors play around.
%%
Actors pretend doing it.
%%
Actors should be overheard, not listened to, and the audience is fifty
 percent of the performance.
 -- Shirley Booth
%%
Actors stand on the side of the camera where the passage of time usually
hurts. Whereas directors stay on the side where it may help.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
Actor: Woody Allen - Real name: Allen Stewart Konigsberg
%%
Act quickly, think slowly.
 -- Greek Proverb
%%
Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.
 -- Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
%%
Act so in the valley that you need not fear those who stand on the hill.
 -- A Danish proverb
%%
Actual and formal parameters must match in order, number, and type.
%%
ACTUALLY, adv.  Perhaps; possibly.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Actually, cats are QUITE good at domesticating people.
%%
Actually, I just got those from a book I read last week... "Sue Me".
%%
Actually, I'm an overnight success. But it took twenty
years.
 -- Monty Hall
%%
Actually it is an interplanetary greeting.
%%
Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.
%%
Actually, my usual form of transportation is a Warb.
%%
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth's rotation, we were all
 speeding.
%%
"Actually one of the biggest reasons I have for
doing Cerebus is to give wives and girlfriends of
comics fans at least one comic book they can read."
 -- Dave Sim
%%
"Actually the first fast-food franchise in the Soviet Union was supposed
to be Taco Bell, but it was called off the Soviet officials heard the Taco
Bell slogan: `RUN FOR THE BORDER!'"
 -- Jay Leno
%%
Actually, the probability is 100% that the elevator
will be going in the right direction.  Proof by induction:

N=1.     Trivialy true, since both you and the elevator
    only have one floor to go to.

Assume true for N, prove for N+1:
    If you are on any of the first N floors, then it is true by the
       induction hypothesis.  If you are on the N+1st floor, then both you
   and the elevator have only one choice, namely down.  Therefore,
       it is true for all N+1 floors.
QED.
%%
Actually, there IS a banana in my pocket...
%%
Actually, this all sounds like STACKS of trouble to me...
%%
Actually, we were going shopping.
 -- Dr. Crusher
%%
Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Actual service conditions cannot be met in the laboratory.
 -- The RPCISPE's Fourth Universal Law
%%
Actual war is a very messy business.  Very, very messy business.
 -- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon," stardate 3193.0.
%%
Act upon your impulses, but pray that they may be directed by God.
 -- Emerson Tennent
%%
Act well at the moment, and you have performed a good action to all eternity.
 -- Lavater
%%
A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber doesn't have hands when it's desperate.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber will never leave you for another woman.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber won't ask, How was it?
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber won't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy."
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber won't take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy blonde.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't count.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A cult is a religion with no political power.
 -- Tom Wolfe
%%
A cup of hot wine with not a drop of allaying Tiber in 't.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
A cup of your best hot water with brown grit in it, unless by some
  miracle your Coffee Shop has started selling coffee.
 -- Edmund to Mrs Miggins : Ink and Incapability
%%
Acupuncturists do it with a small prick.
%%
Acura: All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
%%
Acura: Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents
%%
Acura: Another Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?
%%
Acura: Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
%%
Acura: Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
%%
Acura: Awful, Crappy, Unreliable, Rusty Automobile
%%
A cure for bags under the eyes: sleep upside down and the bags will often
 work through to a less noticeable part of the body.
 -- Mary Dunn
%%
A curved line is the loveliest distance between two points.
%%
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First he asked that the air-conditioning be turned up because he was too hot,
then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold and so on for about
half an hour.  Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back
and forth and never once got angry.  So finally a second customer asked him
why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile, "we don't even have an
air conditioner."
%%
Acute Angle - A very attractive early Briton.
%%
A cutpurse of the empire and the rule,
That from a shelf the precious diadem stole,
And put it in his pocket!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
 -- Edgar A. Shoaff
%%
A cynic is one who will laugh at anything so long as it isn't funny.
%%
A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
%%
A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist.
%%
A cynic's work is never done
%%
Ada --
        An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, power
brakes and automatic transmission are all standard.  No other colors or
options are available. If it's good enough for the generals, it's good
enough for you.  Manufacturing delays due to difficulties reading the
design specification are starting to clear up.
%%
Ada - A WAC colonel built like an amazon.  She is always setting strict
rules, but if you follow them, she keeps her temper.  She is quite talkative,
always spouting army regulations, and using obscure military talk.  You gotta
love her though, because the army says so.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
ADAGE, n.  Boned wisdom for weak teeth.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A dagger in the back will cramp any wizard's style!
%%
Ada is PL/I trying to be Smalltalk.
 -- Codoso diBlini
%%
Ada is the 400-pound gorilla of programming languages.
%%
ADA is the COBOL of the 80's.
%%
Ada is the work of an architect, not a computer scientist.
 -- Jean Icbiah, inventor of Ada, weenie
%%
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.  He didn't have to hear all
about the men she could've married, and she didn't have to hear all
about the dishes his mother cooked.
%%
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one
was that they escaped teething.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
ADAMANT, n.  A mineral frequently found beneath a corset.  Soluble in
solicitate of gold.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache.
%%
Adam Had 'em.
(On the antiquity of microbes. claimed as the shortest poem.)
%%
Adam met Eve and turned over a new leaf.
%%
Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention.
%%
Adam's sons, conceived all and born in sin.
 -- Proverb
%%
Adam the goodliest man of men since born
His sons, the fairest of her daughters Eve.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 323
%%
Adam to Eve: "Do you still love me?" Eve to Adam: "Who else?" (Original
 Joke involves same folks as Original Sin!)
%%
Adam to Eve -- "I'll wear the plants in this family."
%%
Adam was but human -- this explains it all.  He did not want the apple for
the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson"
%%
Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody
had said it before him.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Adam West is tied to a giant waffle iron!  How will he escape?
%%
:Ada:: n. A {{Pascal}}-descended language that has been made
   mandatory for Department of Defense software projects by the
   Pentagon.  Hackers are nearly unanimous in observing that,
   technically, it is precisely what one might expect given that kind
   of endorsement by fiat; designed by committee, crockish, difficult
   to use, and overall a disastrous, multi-billion-dollar boondoggle
   (one common description is "The PL/I of the 1980s").  Hackers
   find Ada's exception-handling and inter-process communication
   features particularly hilarious.  Ada Lovelace (the daughter of
   Lord Byron who became the world's first programmer while
   cooperating with Charles Babbage on the design of his mechanical
   computing engines in the mid-1800s) would almost certainly blanch
   at the use to which her name has latterly been put; the kindest
   thing that has been said about it is that there is probably a good
   small language screaming to get out from inside its vast,
   {elephantine} bulk.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
A Daniel come to judgment! yea, a Daniel!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Ada programmers do it by committee.
%%
Ada programmers do it in packages.
%%
ADAPTABILITY:
 Excellent:      Walks on water
 Good:           Walks on water in emergencies
 Average:        Washes with water
 Fair:           Drinks water
 Poor:           Passes water in emergencies
%%
Adaptability is not imitation.  It means power of resistance and
assimilation.
 -- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Adapt. Enjoy. Survive.
%%
A daring juxtaposition of natural forms.
%%
A dark tunnel of fear.
%%
Ada! sole daughter of my house and heart.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 1
%%
ADA:
  Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in Computing.
        Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness.
 -- Datamation (January 15, 1984)
%%
Ad astra per ardua nostra.
%%
Ad astra per aspera.
%%
A date is a job interview that lasts all night. The only difference between
 a date and a job interview is that there are not many job interviews where
 there's a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
 -- Jerry Seinfeld
%%
A daughter of the gods, divinely tall,
  And most divinely fair.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- A Dream of Fair Women, Stanza xxii
%%
Ada was invented because Vogon poetry wasn't deadly enough.
%%
A day after the faire.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. viii
%%
A day, an hour, of virtuous liberty
Is worth a whole eternity in bondage.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
A day in the life of a message traffic cop...
%%
A day in thy courts is better than a thousand.
I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God,
than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxxxiv, 10
%%
A day late and a dollar short.
%%
A day not wasted is a day wasted!
%%
    A Day Off
So you want a day off. Let's look at what you are asking for. There are 365
days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year, in which you
already have two days off, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend
16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91
days available, You spend 30 min. each day on coffee break, that accounts for
23 more days each year, leaving only 68 days. With a one hour lunch each day,
you use up another 48 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You
normally spend 2 days per year on sick leav. This leaves only 20 days available
for work. We offer 5 holidays per year, leaving only 15 days. We generously
give you 14 days vacation per year leaving you only 1 day available for work
and I'll be dammed if you're going to take that day off!!!
%%
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
%%
A Day Without Paronomasia, Is A Day Without Punshine.
%%
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
%%
A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
%%
A day without sunshine is like a day without orange juice.
%%
ADB     Another Damn Bug [UNIX]
%%
AD&D:  15 Years as a Player.  14 Years as a Dungeon Master.
%%
Add a feature... Add a bug...
%%
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.
[Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]
 -- Ovid
%%
ADDER, n.  A species of snake.  So called from its habit of adding
funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Addiction - The process by which one becomes a dick.
%%
Adding manpower to a late project is like getting nine women pregnant in
hopes of obtaining a baby in one month.
%%
Adding manpower to a late software project only makes it later.
 -- Brook's Law
%%
Adding up column after column of meaningless numbers.
%%
Add in some more bells and whistles.
%%
Add in some more bugs.
%%
"Addison, what are we going to do?"
  "Me, I'm examining the major Western religions. I'm looking for
   something that's soft on morality, generous with holidays, and has a
   short initiation period."
 -- Dave and Maddie on Moonlighting
%%
"Addison, will you get serious!"
  "Serious?  I just had my hand on your behind; if I get any more serious,
   they'll move us to cable!"
 -- Addison and Maddy from "Moonlighting"
%%
Add one little bit on the end...  Think of 'potatoe,' how's it spelled?
You're right phonetically, but what else...?  There ya go... all right!
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a student's
 -- correct spelling of the word "potato"  during
 -- a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton.
%%
AD&D players do it for the experience.
%%
Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts.
 -- H. H. Munro ("Saki") (1870-1916)
%%
Addresses are ordered by importance.
%%
Add roughage to human food by shedding in it.
 -- Cat Rule #8
%%
A deadbolt with a broken cylinder.
%%
A dead comic is at his wit's end...
%%
A dead dog cannot bite.
%%
A deadline has a marvelous ability to concentrate the mind.
%%
A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than
no inspiration at all.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Starting from Scratch: A Different Kind of Writer's Manual
%%
A dead lizard is a good thing to turn undead.
%%
A dead man cannot bite.
 -- Gnaeus Pompeius (Pompey)
%%
A deaf ear is the first symptom of a closed mind.
%%
A deal is a deal.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #16
%%
A deal of skimble-skamble stuff.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A death-bed 's a detector of the heart.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 641
%%
A debugged program is one for which you have
not yet found the conditions that make it fail.
 -- Jerry Ogdin
%%
A decade after Vietnam, we still cannot understand why "their"
Salvadorans fight better than "our" Salvadorans.  It is not a matter of
their training or their equipment.  It has to do with the quality of the
society we are asking them to risk death defending.  The metaphor of the
domino obscures this reality, and the cost our self-imposed blindness
is high.  San Salvador is closer to Saigon than to Munich.
 -- William LeoGrande (NYT 3/9/83)
%%
A decent boldness ever meets with friends.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vii, Line 67
%%
a. Decimal points are misplaced.
b. Positive powers of ten are in fact negative, and vice-versa.
This law is responsible for interesting results such as 40.8E-3 angstroms
for the earth's circumference, or 3.2E2 Gigafarads in and RLC circuit.
 -- Scientific Computations Law
%%
A decision is what you are finally forced to make when you can not find
 some dumb committee.
%%
A deed of dreadful note.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
A deed without a name.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A degenerated and demoralizing musical system is given a disgusting
christening as 'swing' and turned loose to gnaw away the moral fiber
of young people... Jam sessions, jitterbugs and cannibalistic rhythmic
orgies are wooing our youth along the primrose path to Hell!
 -- the Archbishop of Dublique, 1938
%%
A deluge of words and drop of sense.
%%
A delusion, a mockery, and a snare.
 -- Lord Denman (1779-1854)
 -- O' Connell v, The Queen, 11 Clark and Finnelly Reports
%%
A demd, damp, moist, unpleasant body!
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Nicholas Nickleby, Chap. xxxiv
%%
A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only
 exist until a majority of voters discover that they can vote themselves
 largess out of the public treasury.
 -- Alexander Tyler, eighteenth-century Scottish historian
%%
A democracy is a government in the hands of men of low birth, no
property, and vulgar employments.
 -- Aristotle
%%
A Democratic nation, at least when organized to secure
the political rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,
can be a large and populous nation.
 -- Michael Scully
%%
A Democrat is someone who would be a Republican if he had the money.
%%
A denebian slime devil is a tribble built to Klingon specs.
%%
A dentist may decree that oil production increase, and a goose may
command that the Great Wall leap into the air.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A dentist's waiting room is a smartly furnished chamber of horrors.
 -- Shelley Berman
%%
A design is what a designer has when time and money run out.
 -- James Poole, chief architect for Disneyland
%%
"A desire not to butt into other people's business is at least eighty
percent of all human wisdom... and the other twenty percent isn't
very important."
"You butt into other people's business.  All the time."
"Who said I was wise?  I'm a professional bad example.  You can learn
a lot by watching me."
 -- Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein
%%
A desk is a wastebasket with drawers.
%%
A desktop Cray for $10?  Is it PC compatible?
%%
A developer is someone who wants to build a cabin in the woods.
An environmentalist is someone who just did.
%%
A device selected at random from a group having 99% reliability,
will be a member of the 1% group.
%%
Ad for automobile air bags: "Inflation we can live with."
%%
:adger: /aj'r/ [UCLA] vt. To make a bonehead move with
   consequences that could have been foreseen with even slight mental
   effort.  E.g., "He started removing files and promptly adgered the
   whole project".  Compare {dumbass attack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ADHERENT, n.  A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects
to get.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done
something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
:ad-hockery: /ad-hok'*r-ee/ [Purdue] n. 1. Gratuitous assumptions
   made inside certain programs, esp. expert systems, which lead to
   the appearance of semi-intelligent behavior but are in fact
   entirely arbitrary.  For example, fuzzy-matching against input
   tokens that might be typing errors against a symbol table can make
   it look as though a program knows how to spell.  2. Special-case
   code to cope with some awkward input that would otherwise cause a
   program to {choke}, presuming normal inputs are dealt with in
   some cleaner and more regular way.  Also called `ad-hackery',
   `ad-hocity' (/ad-hos'*-tee/), `ad-crockery'.  See also
   {ELIZA effect}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
A diagnosis is what happens when the doctor tries to determine the
 condition of your pocketbook before he makes the determination of how sick
 to make you.
%%
A diamond is a girl's best friend, but you have to be friendly to get one!
%%
A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure.
%%
A dictionary - Book with words for those who can't read...
%%
Adieu! adieu! my native shore
Fades o'er the waters blue.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 13
%%
Adieu, she cried, and waved her lily hand.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Sweet William's Farewell to Black-eyed Susan
%%
A Dill Pickle makes a soggy bookmark.
%%
A dime saved is a dollar earned. The rest is Uncle Sam's.
%%
A dinner lubricates business.
 -- Lord Stowell (1745-1836)
 -- Life of Johnson (Boswell), Vol. viii, p. 67, note
%%
Adios, Amiga!
%%
A diploma only proves that you know how to look up an answer.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A diplomat and a stage magician are the two professions that have to have a
high silk hat. All the tricks that either one of them have are in the hat, and
all are known to other diplomats and magicians.
%%
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a
 fur coat.
%%
A diplomat is a man who says you have an open mind, instead of telling
you that you have a hole in the head.
%%
A diplomat...is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
 that you actually look forward to the trip.
 -- Caskie Stinnett
%%
A diplomat is man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never
 her age.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
%%
A dirty book is seldom dusty.
%%
A dirty joke:  The boy fell into the mud!

A dirtier joke: A boy and a girl fell into the mud!

A more dirty joke: A boy and girl fell into the mud and stayed there!
%%
A dirty mind is a joy forever.
 -- Randy Kunkee
%%
A Dirty Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste.
%%
A dirty mind is, well, a wonderful thing.
%%
A disagreeable task is its own reward.
%%
A disc cannot be read as easily as a filing cabinet. Unless you have a
computer - which has problems reading a filing cabinet.
%%
A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was eating his
morning meal.  "I would like to give you this personality test", said
the outsider,"because I want you to be happy." Drescher took the paper
that was offered him and put it into the toaster- "I wish the toaster to
be happy too".
 -- AI koan
%%
A disfiguring car accident will improve your looks.
%%
A disheveled adventurer stares back at you.
%%
A dish fit for the gods.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
A dish full of all kinds of flowers:
You can't guess this riddle in two hours.
(Honey)
%%
A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you
didn't even know existed can render your own computer unusable.
 -- Leslie Lamport, as quoted in CACM, June 1992
%%
A distributed system is one that stops you from getting any work done when a
 machine you've never even heard of crashes.
 -- Leslie Lamport (Attributed)
%%
A District of Columbia ordinance makes it unlawful for small
boys to throw stones, at any time, at any place.
%%
A diva who specializes in risque arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
%%
Adjusting finances and making budgets won't help when you're broke.
%%
:admin: /ad-min'/ n. Short for `administrator'; very commonly
   used in speech or on-line to refer to the systems person in charge
   on a computer.  Common constructions on this include `sysadmin'
   and `site admin' (emphasizing the administrator's role as a site
   contact for email and news) or `newsadmin' (focusing specifically
   on news).  Compare {postmaster}, {sysop}, {system
   mangler}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Administration maintains the status quo.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
ADMINISTRATION, n.  An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to
receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president.  A man of
straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Admirable, they died at their posts.
 -- Worf, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
ADMIRAL, n.  That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the
figure-head does the thinking.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Admiral, there be whales here...
 -- Scotty
%%
Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays upon
growing familiar with its object.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
Admiration is the daughter of innocence.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Admit it, man.  You're *really* a closet ditto-head, aren't you?
%%
Admit it-- you expected to see a copyright notice here.
%%
Admit it! You have no idea who I am!
%%
Admit nothing, deny everything, and launch counter-accusations.
%%
Admittedly, there are a lot of things that are better than sex,
 and a lot more that are worse; but there's nothing quite like it...
%%
ADMITTING MISTAKES
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.
The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.
%%
Admit your mistakes before someone exaggerates them for you.
%%
ADMONITION, n.  Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe.  Friendly warning.

    Consigned by way of admonition,
    His soul forever to perdition.
                                                              Judibras
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ad Nauseam: Commercials that make you puke.
%%
A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
 about whose profession was the oldest.  In the course of their
 arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
 the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because
 Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply
 incredible surgical feat."
         The architect did not agree.  He said, "But if you look at the
 Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of
 that, the Garden and the world were created.  So God must have been an
 architect."
         The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said,
 "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
%%
A doctor can always bury his mistakes...
An architect can only advise his client to plant ivy.
 -- attributed to Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die
under his care.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
A dog is a dog, a bird is a bird, a cat is a person.
%%
A dog is a dog unless he is facing you; then he is Mr. Dog.
 -- Haitian Proverb
%%
A dog is man's best friend because he wags his tail, not his tongue.
%%
A dog may bark, but his legs will never grow longer.
%%
A dog on the run can safely be kicked.
%%
A dog will look up on you;
a cat will look down on you;
however, a pig will see you eye to eye
and know it has found an equal.
 -- Churchill
%%
Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.
%%
Adolescence prepares parents to welcome the empty nest.
%%
Adolescence pressures boys to withdraw emotionally.
%%
ADOLESCENCE: The stage between puberty and adultery.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Adolesence is like a house on moving day:
   A temporary mess.
%%
A dollar earned is a penny saved... after Clinton.
%%
A dollar's a bad boss, and dying's a bad fear.
%%
A doll is a doll is a doll.
 -- F. Sinatra
%%
Adolph Hitler committed suicide. Neo-Nazis: Follow your leader.
%%
Adonai Yireh ha motzi lechem min ha-aretz.
%%
A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't. 
%%
A door is something you're on the wrong side of when you're too short to
 reach the knob. When you are tall enough to reach the knob, a door is
 something you have left open if it's supposed to be closed, or closed if
 it's supposed to be open. You can't win. Whichever you do, you have done it
 wrong. So close all open doors and open all closed doors. You will still be
 wrong but you will be busy.
 -- Robert Paul Smith
%%
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
A door that seems to stand open must be of a man's size, or it is not
 the door that Providence means for him.
 -- Henry Beecher
%%
Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ...
 -- Gilda Radner
%%
Adopt me  Or I'll KILL YOU (Skitz)
%%
ADORE, v.t.  To venerate expectantly.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A drawing pin is an excited Smartie.
%%
A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his
punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
A dreamer lives for eternity.
%%
A dream itself is but a shadow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
A dream of a galaxy WITHOUT war.
%%
A dream?   Really, Doctor. [ You'll be consulting the entrails of a
sheep next.]
 -- Brigadier, The Time Monster
%%
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.
 -- Francoise Sagan
%%
A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
 -- James H. Boren
%%
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A dropped tool will land where it will do the most damage.
 -- The Law of Selective Gravitation
%%
A drowning man will catch at a straw.
 -- Proverb
%%
A drug is that substance which, when injected into a rat,
will produce a scientific report.
 -- Matz' Rule Regarding Medications
%%
A drunkard clasp his teeth and not undo 'em,
To suffer wet damnation to run through 'em.
 -- Cyril Tourneur (c. 1600)
 -- The Revenger's Tragedy, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A drunkard is like a whiskey bottle; all neck and belly and no head.
 -- Austin O'Malley
%%
 A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
 -- Harver's Law
%%
A drunk tried several times to navigate a revolving door, but finally gave
 up in disgust. He wandered over to lean against a nearby lamppost. A man
 came along the street and walked into the door. As it revolved, the other
 side revealed a pretty girl stepping out. The drunk looked intently at her
 and remarked, "It's a good trick, but I still don't see what the guy did
 with his clothes!"
 -- Victor Borge
%%
A dry poplar sprouts at the root.
An older man takes a young wife.
Everything furthers.
%%
A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere.
%%
A dry soul is wisest and best.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
A duel of wits? With you? I never attack anyone who us unarmed!
%%
"A duel to the death!"
  "Dr. Science!"
"Okay, until we get tired
 and grumpy."
 -- From the DR. SCIENCE TV show
%%
A Dukakis aide walked into the meeting with the poll results from the
Quayle-Bentsen debate and presented Dukakis with the results......

"We got some good news and some bad news sir.  The good news is that Bentsen
won the debate hands down and it looks like 80 percent of those polled would
vote for the democratic ticket."

"well, that's great news!  What could be so bad after hearing news like that?"

"Almost all of that 80 percent said they would shoot you after the election."
%%
A dull mind, once arriving at an inference that flatters a desire,
is rarely able to retain the impression that the notion from which
the inference started was purely problematic.
 -- George Eliot
%%
A dull summer evening can be eliminated by one little ole hungry mosquito!
%%
A dull thump is heard in the distance.
%%
Adult:  A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
%%
Adultery is a most conventional way to rise above the conventional.
%%
Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
ADULTERY:
     Putting yourself in someone else's position.
%%
Adultery - two wrong people doing the right thing.
%%
Adult GIF files are meant for testing monitors!!
%%
Adult, n.:
   One old enough to know better.
%%
... Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.
 -- Theodor "Dr. Seuss" Geisel (as quoted in his obit in Time)
%%
Adults aren't wiser than children, just better liars.
%%
Adults die young.
%%
Advance and attack!   Attack and destroy!  Destroy and rejoice!
 -- Daleks, The Chase
%%
Advanced BASIC
 -- Oxymoron
%%
ADVANCED DESIGN ............ Upper management doesn't understand it
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
:ADVENT: /ad'vent/ n. The prototypical computer adventure game, first
   implemented on the {PDP-10} by Will Crowther as an attempt at
   computer-refereed fantasy gaming, and expanded into a
   puzzle-oriented game by Don Woods.  Now better known as Adventure,
   but the {{TOPS-10}} operating system permitted only six-letter
   filenames.  See also {vadding}.

   This game defined the terse, dryly humorous style now expected in
   text adventure games, and popularized several tag lines that have
   become fixtures of hacker-speak:  "A huge green fierce snake bars
   the way!"  "I see no X here" (for some noun X).  "You are in a
   maze of twisty little passages, all alike."  "You are in a little
   maze of twisty passages, all different."  The `magic words'
   {xyzzy} and {plugh} also derive from this game.

   Crowther, by the way, participated in the exploration of the
   Mammoth & Flint Ridge cave system; it actually *has* a
   `Colossal Cave' and a `Bedquilt' as in the game, and the `Y2' that
   also turns up is cavers' jargon for a map reference to a secondary
   entrance.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Adventure. Excitement. A sysop craves not these things.
%%
Adventure is not outside a man; it is within.
 -- David Grayson
%%
Adventure is the champagne of life.
%%
ADVENTURE: The land between entertainment and panic.
%%
Adversity borrows its sharpest sting from our impatience.
 -- Bishop Horne
%%
Adversity has ever been considered the state in which a man most easily
becomes acquainted with himself.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous
circumstances would have lain dormant.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Adversity is sometimes hard upon a man; but for one man who can stand
prosperity there are a hundred that will stand adversity.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Heroes and Hero-Worship, The Hero as a Man of Letters
%%
Adversity is the first path to truth.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
Adversity makes a man wise, not rich.
 -- Romanian proverb
%%
Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters.
 -- Victor Marie Hugo
%%
Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own
 ass?
%%
Advertisement in the Eagle, newspaper of the American University:
"ACCURATELY YOURS Professional Word Processing Company.
Open 24 hours every day."
New Yorker comment: "Maybe you need a little rest."
%%
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Advertisers use the "new, improved" method.
%%
Advertising Anachronism: "Fresh Frozen"
%%
Advertising copy.  Where sentences are replaced by participle phrases.
Noun phrases.  And dangling conjunctions.  Bleah.
 -- K<bob>
%%
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest
 way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
 -- Sinclair Lewis
%%
Advertising is legalized lying.
 -- H. G. Wells
%%
Advertising is selling by telling.
 -- Gary B. Wright
%%
Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.
%%
Advertising is the art which promotes the idea within your head that you
 have wanted all your life something you have never even heard of before
 this time.
%%
Advertising is the foot on the accelerator, the hand on the throttle,
the spur on the flank that keeps our economy surging forward.
 -- Robert W. Sarnoff
%%
Advertising is the life of trade.
 -- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
%%
Advertising is the most fun of anything you can do with your clothes on.
 -- Mary Wells [advertising executive]
%%
Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950)
%%
ADVERTISING MAJORS do it with style.
%%
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human
intelligence long enough to get money from it.
 -- Stephen Butler Leacock
%%
Advertising must be trite--it's the law of the jingle.
%%
Advertising promotes that divine discontent which makes people strive to
improve their economic status.
 -- Ralph S. Butler
%%
"Advice after injury is like medicine after death."
 -- Danish proverb
%%
Advice from your friends in like the weather, some of it is good, some of it
is bad.
%%
Advice is a dangerous commodity.
%%
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
%%
Advice is always available when its not wanted.
%%
Advice is least heeded when most needed.
 -- Proverb
%%
Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful to take.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Advice is like mushrooms; if you aren't careful, you will
get a lot of B.S.
%%
Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon,
and the deeper in sinks into the mind.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take.
 -- Lothar Kaul
%%
Advice is usually worth what it cost.
%%
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we
didn't.
 -- Erica Mann Jong
%%
ADVICE, n.  The smallest current coin.

    "The man was in such deep distress,"
    Said Tom, "that I could do no less
    Than give him good advice."  Said Jim:
    "If less could have been done for him
    I know you well enough, my son,
    To know that's what you would have done."
                                                         Jebel Jocordy
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Advice:  the smallest current coin.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant,
 you are eating for two. But you must also remember that the other one of
 you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I
 mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating
 for is Orson Welles.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Advice to persons about to marry - DON'T!
%%
Advice to worms:  Sleep late.
%%
Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic,
then at least be asceptic.
%%
Advice void, if I'm incorrect!
%%
Advise is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the
least.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
[Advise] the ruler to govern the state as one cooks a small fish --
that is, don't turn it so often in the pan that it disintegrates.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
Advise to a young lawyer: When you have no basis for an argument,
abuse the plaintiff.
%%
Advise well before you begin, and when you have maturely considered,
then act with promptitude.
 -- Sallust
%%
Advisor: The guy who told you how to screw up
%%
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a
 Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its
 Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including
 Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any
 Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
%%
ADVthanksANCE       <===== a "little" thanks "in" advance.
%%
A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
A dwarf on a giant's shoulders sees farther of the two.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
Adweanne
 -- Rocky
%%
A dyslectic athiest has set out to prove that there is no dog.
%%
A Dyslexic wrote the following poster for a fundraiser:

 SUPPORT DAILYSEX.
%%
AEE: Absolve Engineering Errors
%%
Aelborne: "Captain, since it is too late for you to escape, perhaps we should
  do something about protecting you."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Aelborne: "Commander, I assure you, our people want nothing but peace.
 We shall
  cause you no trouble."
Kor: "I am sure you will not."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Aelborne: "I am Aelborne."
Kirk: "I am Captain James T. Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise, representing the
  United Federation of Planets.  This is my first officer, Mister Spock."
Aelborne: [To Spock]  "You're most welcome, my friend."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Aelborne: "Welcome."
Kirk: "Reception committee?"
Spock, "It would seem so."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Aelborne: "What you're saying, Captain, is that we seem to have a
choice between
dealing with you or your enemies."
Kirk: "No, sir. With the Federation, you have a choice. You have none with the
Klingons. The Klingons are a military dictatorship.  War is their way of
life. Life under the Klingon rule would be very unpleasant."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Aelborne: "You are our visitors. Welcome, welcome."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Aerobics instructors do it until it hurts.
%%
Aerodynamics are for people who cannot build engines.
 -- Enzo Ferrari
%%
AEROSPACE ENGINEERS do it with lift and trust.
%%
Aesthetics are more important than efficiency.
%%
Aether propagates banality.
%%
A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.
 -- Lord Peter Wimsey (Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night)
%%
A fact is a simple statement that everyone believes.
It is innocent, unless found guilty.
A hypothesis is a novel suggestion that no one wants to believe.w
It is guilty, until found effective.
 -- Edward Teller
%%
A fading corridor enlightens your insight.
%%
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
 -- Klipstein's Fourth Law of Production
%%
A failure is not always a mistake; it may simply be the
best one can do under the circumstances.  The real mistake is
to stop trying.
 -- B.F. Skinner
%%
A failure will not appear until the unit has passed final inspection.
 -- Klipstein's Sixth Law of Production
%%
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 267
%%
A Fairway on the Golf Course is a narrow strip of mown grass that separates
 two groups of golfers who are out looking for lost balls in the rough.
%%
A faithful and good servant is a real godsend; but truly 't is a rare
bird in the land.
 -- Martin Luther (1483-1546)
 -- Table-Talk, clvi
%%
A faith-holder puts himself below his faith and lets it guide his actions.
The fanatic puts himself above it and uses it as an excuse for his actions.
 -- Gordon Dickson, Chantry Guild
%%
A faith that cannot survive collision with the truth is not worth many
regrets.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
A faith worse than death is better than death!
%%
A fake fortune teller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer
should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around
she deserved.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
A falcon, towering in her pride of place,
Was by a mousing owl hawk'd at and kill'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessible spot.
 -- Theodore M. Bernstein
%%
 A false witness will not go unpunished,
 and he who pours out lies will not go free.
 -- Proverbs 19:5
%%
A family reunion is an effective form of birth control!
%%
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
with the mouse, and asked "what do you see?"  Very earnestly, the
Undergraduate replied "I see a cursor."  The Hacker then quickly
pressed the boot toggle at the back of the keyboard, while
simultaneously hitting the Undergraduate over the head with a thick
Interlisp Manual.  The Undergraduate was then Enlightened.
%%
A fanatic is a man who does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the
facts in the case.
%%
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
A fanatic is one who puts twice as much effort toward his goal than anyone
 else, and once having gotten started, forgets where it is that he was
 headed for with all that effort.
%%
A Farewell to Arms.
 -- Jeffrey Dahmers Cookbook
%%
A farmer had a son who went to New York and became a bootblack.
Now the farmer makes hay while the son shines.
%%
A farmer is always going to be rich next year.
%%
A fast and efficient time-sharing system isn't.
 -- Murphy's Ninth Law of Programming
%%
A fate worse than death: to be married alive.
%%
A father doesn't destroy his children.
 -- Lt. Carolyn Palamas, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1.
%%
A father in Georgia called his local IRS office to ask if he could deduct
the cost of his daughter's wedding as "a total loss".
%%
A father is usually a banker provided by nature.
%%
A father, Princeton alumnus, was quite a grouch. His son had finished his
 first term and said that his grades were next to the top of his class.
 "Next to the top?" the father exclaimed. "What do you mean? I'm not sending
 you to college to be NEXT! Why aren't you the top?"

 The son was crestfallen. He studied harder, and the next semester he
 announced to his father that he was indeed the top of his class. The father
 looked at him for a moment and shrugged. "At the head of your class, eh?
 Well, that's a fine commentary on Princeton University!"
 -- Alan Young
%%
A father's first right--fathering
%%
A faultless body and a blameless mind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iii, Line 138
%%
A fault recognized is half corrected.
%%
A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it tolerates them.
%%
A fav'rite has no friend!
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On the death of a Favourite Cat
%%
A feast of fat things.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxv, 6
%%
A feature is a bug with seniority.
 -- Dave Bartley
%%
A feeling all persons detest
Although 'tis by everyone felt
By two letters fully expressed
By twice two, invariably spelt
 Envy (N-V)
%%
A feeling of sadness and longing
  That is not akin to pain,
And resembles sorrow only
  As the mist resembles the rain.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Day is done
%%
A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent ... Well,
 I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and
 when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it."

 The priest said, "That's all right, son, a lot of people give in to
 temptation." He said, "You're not gonna throw us out of church?" The priest
 said no. He said, "Well, thank goodness. They threw us out of the
 supermarket!"
 -- George "Goober" Lindsey
%%
A fellow-feeling makes one wondrous kind.
 -- Garrick
%%
A fellow in a market town,
Most musical, cried razors up and down.
 -- John Wolcot (1738-1819)
 -- Farewell Odes, Ode iii
%%
A fellow of no mark nor likelihood.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
A fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
thing handsome about him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, "I've been
 going for three months."

 I said, "How many successful jumps do you need to make before you
 graduate?"

 He said, "All of them."
 -- Red Skelton
%%
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
A female character has flawless makeup after a battle - drink!
%%
A female Sysop is a Sysopette!
%%
A ferret in the hand...will probably bite you.
%%
A ferret in the trousers is worth two in the bush.
%%
A ferret is God's way of telling you NOTHING is child-proof!
%%
A ferret is like a computer virus, it gets into everything.
%%
A few beers short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case.
%%
A few bombs/melons short of a full load.
%%
A few books are alright, like wine, but too much can be bad.  Books
break down brains.
%%
A few can touch the magic string,
  And noisy Fame is proud to win them;
Alas for those that never sing,
  But die with all their music in them!
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Voiceless
%%
A few clowns short of a circus.
%%
A few days ago, I overheard one very old women say to the other
"I haven't seen you for so long,  I thought you were dead!"
%%
A few feet away lie some platinum bars.
%%
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
%%
A few more questions, Mr. Computer.
%%
A few munce ugo i cudn't evin spel, now i ar won.
%%
A few open splices.
%%
A few peas short of a casserole.
%%
A few pickles short of a jar.
%%
A few pies short of a holiday.
%%
A few planes short of an Air Force.
%%
A few revisions behind.
%%
A few rigs short of a full shack...
%%
A few spoons short of a full set.
%%
A few thousand rads never hurt anybody.
%%
A few tiles missing from his space shuttle.
%%
A few tiles short of a successful re-entry.
%%
A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
%%
A few yards short of the hole.
%%
AFF: Add Fudge Factor
%%
Affairs with Nymphs are often very expensive.
%%
Affcot (n.)
 The sort of fart you hope people will talk after.
%%
Affection, like melancholy, magnifies trifles; but the magnifying of the
one is like looking through a telescope at heavenly objects; that of the
other, like enlarging monsters with a microscope.
 -- Leigh Hunt
%%
AFFIANCED, pp.  Fitted with an ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Affirmative action rewards underachievement.
%%
Affix stamp, post office will not deliver without postage.
%%
Afflicted, or distressed, in mind, body, or estate.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Prayer for all Conditions of Men
%%
Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us
sorry but wise.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Affliction, like the iron-smith, shapes as it smites.
 -- Christian Nestell Bovee
%%
Affliction may one day smile again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
AFFLICTION, n.  An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for
another and bitter world.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Affliction's sons are brothers in distress;
A brother to relieve,--how exquisite the bliss!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- A Winter Night
%%
AFHB: Align Fullword on Halfword Boundary
%%
A field upgrade, HAL. We're going to make you IBM compatible.
%%
A fierce wind blows the map out of your hands and rips the sail! you
barely manage to make it to the island.  You'd best do something . . .
%%
A fiery soul, which, working out its way,
Fretted the pygmy-body to decay,
And o'er-inform'd the tenement of clay.
A daring pilot in extremity;
Pleas'd with the danger, when the waves went high
He sought the storms.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 156
%%
A fig for those by law protected,
Liberty's a glorious feast;
'Courts for cowards were erected,
Churches built to please the priest.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
%%
A fight to the death between zombies has a few inherent problems.
%%
A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.
%%
A file is the response of a computer when it is asked how you can lose just
 about everything, systematically.
%%
A file server could not be found.  (A)bort (R)etry (D)ie?
%%
A filker is a person who messes with songs...
%%
A filthy Data is Gunked, hosed down and sand blasted.
%%
A find is a terrible thing to waste!
%%
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.
 A tax is a fine for doing something right.
%%
A finely polished brass bell is sitting here.
%%
A fire eater must eat fire even if he has to kindle it himself.
 -- Salvor Hardin
%%
A fit of anger is as fatal to dignity as a dose of arsenic to life.
 -- Dr. Holland
%%
A five-year-old kid raised his hand at school. The teacher declined to let
 him leave the room. Five minutes later she reversed herself. She said, "All
 right, Sonny, you may go now."

 The little boy looked up and said, "I don't have to."

 She said, "What do you mean you don't have to?"

 He said, "I opened up my geography book and went in the ocean."
 -- Norm Crosby
%%
:AFJ: // n. Written-only abbreviation for "April Fool's Joke".
   Elaborate April Fool's hoaxes are a long-established tradition on
   USENET and Internet; see {kremvax} for an example.  In fact,
   April Fool's Day is the *only* seasonal holiday marked by
   customary observances on the hacker networks.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
A flashlight is a case in which to carry dead batteries.
%%
A flat case as plain as a pack-staff.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Family of Love, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
A flattering painter, who made it his care to draw men as they ought
to be, not as they are.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
A flea and a fly in a flu
Were imprisoned, so what could they do.
    Let us flee said the fly.
     Let us fly said the flea
So they flew through a flaw in the flu. <classic>
%%
A flower short of an arrangement.
%%
A flower, when offered in the bud,
  Is no vain sacrifice.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song xii
%%
A flush is better than a full house.
 -- Sign Seen On Plumbers Truck
%%
A fly bit the bare pate of a bald man, who in endeavouring to crush
it gave himself a hard slap. Then said the fly jeeringly, "You wanted
to revenge the sting of a tiny insect with death; what will you do
to yourself, who have added insult to injury?"
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book v, Fable 3, 1
%%
A flying buttress short of a cathedral.
%%
A flying drop kick breaks your jaw.
%%
A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
 -- Ken's Law
%%
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
%%
A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.
 -- Katherine Whitehorn
%%
A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.
 -- Nicolas Bolleau-Despreaux
%%
A fool and her money are soon courted.
%%
A fool and his computer are soon parted.
%%
A fool and his ferret are soon parted.
%%
A fool and his guilt are soon parted.
%%
A fool and his honey are soon parted.
%%
A fool and his modem are soon ported.
%%
A fool and his money are fun.
%%
A fool and his money are invited everywhere.
%%
A fool and his money are my best friends.
%%
A fool and his money are my two favorite people.
%%
A fool and his money are never around when you need them.
%%
A fool and his money are soon elected.
 -- Walton's Law of Politics
%%
A fool and his money are soon my boyfriend.
%%
A fool and his money are soon parted.
%%
A fool and his money are soon parted, but nobody can part a two-dollar
 toupee.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
A fool and his money are soon parted.  What I want to know is how
they got together in the first place.
 -- Cyril Fletcher, BBC radio program 28 May 1969
%%
A fool and his money are soon partying.
%%
A fool and his money are soon popular.
%%
A fool and his money are SYSOP material.
%%
A fool and his money can go places, especially if they meet the right
 travel a gent.
%%
A fool and his money get special attention on a television show showing you
 how to make millions on transactions without investing any money. The only
 investment you will make, in fact, is in the instructional materials
 designed to help you pull off this accomplishment. What they tell you is
 that you are going to get something for nothing, and what you do is give
 something for nothing.
%%
A fool and his money is my kind of customer!
%%
A fool and his money rarely get together to start with.
%%
A fool and his money soon become a Sysop!
%%
A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
%%
A fool and his words are soon parted.
 -- William Shenstone
%%
A fool and your money are soon partners.
 -- Tingler's Law of Monetary Equalization
%%
A fool and your money will soon run for President!!!!!
%%
A fool does not ask questions for fear of exposing his ignorance.
%%
A fooles bolt is soone shot.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. iii
%%
A fool has no business inside a balloon.
 -- Herb Sargent
%%
A fool in a high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain:
everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody.
 -- Professor Leader W. Matsch
%%
A fool, indeed, has great need of a title; it teaches men to call
him Count and Duke, and to forget his proper name of Fool.
 -- Crowne
%%
A fool is a man who worries about whether or not his lover has integrity.
A wise man, on the other hand, busies himself with deeper attributes.
%%
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by
little statesmen and philosophers and divines.  With consistency a
great soul has simply nothing to do.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) Essays: First Series (1841) "Self-Reliance"
%%
A fool knows everything and nothing.
%%
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
 of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an
 elephant.
%%
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition,
and art
into pedantry.  Hence University education.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
A fool with a tool is a well-equipped fool.
%%
A foot in the door is worth two on the desk.
%%
A force keeps you from taking the bodies.
%%
A formal education can sometimes be broadening but more often merely flattens.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
 -- D. Gries
%%
A form of open-mindedness is the pathway to wisdom. Close your mind and you
 open the way for ignorance to flourish, but you will never even know it.
%%
A forted residence 'gainst the tooth of time
And razure of oblivion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
A Fortran compiler is the hobgoblin of little minis.
%%
a fortune in radioactive scrap
%%
A foutre for the world and worldlings base!
I speak of Africa and golden joys.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
AFP: Abnormalize Floating Point
%%
AFR: Abort Funny Routine
%%
A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch
 dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension.
 -- Mandelbrot, "The Fractal Geometry of Nature"
%%
Afraid of falling piercers? Wear a helmet!
%%
Afraid of Mimics? Try to wear a ring of true seeing.
%%
Afraid to know, what lies behind the stare.
%%
A free agent is anything but.
%%
A free agent is anything but.
 -- Murray's Rule of Basketball
%%
A freely available QWK reader!
%%
A free people always has the right to dismiss its rulers, whom it
regards as its servants, at any time.
 -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
A Frenchman is credited with the invention of the sure cure for that age
 old malady which has been the enemy of folks for centuries, gray hair. The
 cure, while relatively simple, is admittedly somewhat drastic. It is called
 the guillotine. One application seems to solve the problem each and every
 time.
%%
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
 when you're really thinking about a mother.
 -- Cliff Claven, Cheers
%%
A Freudian slip may be revealing, but a Jungian slip is
just a mythstake
%%
Africa is God's country, and he can have it. Well, sir, we left New York
 drunk and early on the morning of February 2. After fifteen days on the
 water and six on the boat, we finally arrived on the shores of Africa. The
 first morning saw us up at six, breakfasted, and back in bed at seven. This
 was our routine for the first three months. We finally got so we were in
 bed at six-thirty ... One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he
 got in my pajamas, I don't know. Then we tried to remove the tusks, but
 they were embedded in so firmly that we couldn't budge them. Of course, in
 Alabama, the Tuskaloosa. But that's entirely irrelephant to what I was
 talking about. We took some pictures of the native girls--but they weren't
 developed. But we're going back again in a couple of weeks.
 -- Groucho Marx (in Animal Crackers)
%%
AFRICAN, n.  A nigger that votes our way.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Africa was very interesting.  I behaved very oddly there.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
A friend asks only for your time, not your money.
%%
A friend in need is a pain in the ass.
%%
A friend in need is a pain in the neck.
%%
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
%%
A friend in power is a friend lost.
%%
A friend is a man who has the same enemies you have.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think
aloud.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Essays", 1841
%%
A friend is a present you give to yourself.
%%
A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart,
chaff and grain alike.  Knowing that the gentlest of hands will take
and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness,
blow the rest away.
%%
A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.
%%
A friend is someone who likes you in spite of yourself.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view.
 -- Wilma Askinas
%%
A friend is someone who understands your past,
believes in your future,
and accepts you just the way you are today.
%%
A friend is something you earn.
%%
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity
 -- Proverbs 17:17
%%
A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Friendship"
%%
A friend of a friend was horrified to find out, at the age of twenty-five,
that his life line was extremely short.  When he tried to lengthen it (with
his trusty Victorinox) he bled to death.
%%
A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours
 before I realized it had a scratch on it.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture.  You don't have to go.  You'll
 just be walking down the street, and...ooooohhhhhh, that's much better...
 -- Steven Wright
%%
A friend of mine is taking a sign language course.  We were sitting around
with some other friends the other night and someone asked her "Why are you
taking sign language?"  My dead-pan answer: "It's a prerequisite for Italian"
%%
A friend of mine made some very light and exceedingly dry white wine. He
 invited me to taste it, and it not only lacked color and body, but taste.
 "Well," he said, "what do you think of my white wine?" And I responded
 "Albino wine before it's time."
%%
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet
 Earth taken from space.  On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing
women- all at the same time. It was a lovely funeral.
%%
A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular
truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of
commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After
several days the phone company was again contacted and told that there
was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine--except that all
money was being returned upon completion of each call.
  A repairman arrived within the hour !!
%%
A friend of mine won't get a divorce, because he hates lawyers more than
he hates his wife.
%%
A friend's beer is a good beer.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded
on friendship.
 -- John D. Rockefeller, Jr.
%%
A friendship that like love is warm;
  A love like friendship, steady.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- How shall I woo?
%%
A friend should bear his friend's infirmities,
But Brutus makes mine greater than they are.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
A friend to everybody is a friend to nobody.
%%
A friend told me to shoot first and ask questions later.  I was going to
ask him why, but I had to shoot him.
 -- John Wayne on Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In
%%
A friend, very much in shape and well muscled, often given to quoting the
 idiomatic expression of the gym "No pain, no gain," goes to the K-Mart,
 rides around the parking lot looking for a place close to the entrance for
 five to seven minutes, so he won't have to walk too far to get in the
 store.
%%
 (A friend was at a mutual friend's sister's house, and when she
 went out for beer, he changed her answering machine message.  In
 a loud, deep, gravelly, horror-film voice he recorded:)  Hi,
 this is Kathy.  I'm not myself right now.  If you leave your
 name and number, I'll get back to you when I'm feeling better.
 -- Answering machine madness - miscellaneous
%%
A friend will let you hold the ladder while he goes up on the roof
to install your new TV antenna, which is the biggest son of a bitch
you ever saw.
%%
A friend will refrain from telling you he picked up the same amount of life
insurance coverage you did for the half the price and his is non-cancelable.
%%
A friend with weed is a friend indeed.
%%
A frigid beer is a good beer.
%%
After 21 years they can't kill the Doctor now!
%%
After 40 its patch, patch, patch
%%
After a certain number of years, our faces become our biographies.
%%
After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add
two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
%%
After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out.
It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life
more advanced than the lichen family.
 -- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
                   Do"
%%
After a few years in cyberspace, even Danny starts to look good!
%%
After a hard day, it's nice to come home to a warm cat.
%%
After a hard drive you can get a little floppy
%%
After a heated argument on some trivial matter Nancy [Astor] . . .
shouted, "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!"
Whereupon Winston with equal heat and sincerity answered, "And if I
were your husband I would drink it."
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
 -- Consuelo Vanderbilt Balsan Glitter and Gold (1952) ch. 7
%%
   ``After all, 13 years of being battered, pushed and otherwise
tormented is a long, long time. On the other hand ... you can't expect
me just to run away,'' he said.
 -- L.A. Police Chief Darryl Gates, as quoted in the UPI story,
 -- L.A. police chief rejects suggestion of retirement, 7/9/91
%%
After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), on Shakespeare
%%
After all, financiers just own things, while a skilled person with a job
he loves has much, much more.
 -- David Brin, "Earth"
%%
After all, how many reruns can you watch?
%%
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
 -- Olmstead's Law
%%
After all is said and done, sit down.
 -- Bill Copeland
%%
After all my erstwhile dear,
My no longer cherished,
Need we say it was not love,
Just because it perished?
 -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
%%
After all my time here, I've yet to see any problem, however complicated,
which when you looked at it the right way didn't become still more complicated.
 -- Poul Anderson [on doing research]
%%
After all there is but one race - humanity.
 -- George Moore
%%
After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party?  Surely
not for you to
enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent
champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
After all, what was Medea? Just another child custody case.
 -- Frank Pierson
%%
"After all with a degree in Maths(sic) and another in astrophysics(sic)
what else was there to do?  It was either that or the dole queue again
on Monday."
 -- Trillain, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
After a long bath Worf sees the fleas as his true friends.
%%
After a month at sea, you finally arrive at a sandy beach.
All ashore who's going ashore . . .
%%
After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it
will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.
%%
After an employee has spent his 13 hours of labor in the office, he
should spend the remaining time reading the Bible and other good books.
 -- Work Rule
%%
After an existence of nearly twenty years of almost innocuous desuetude
these laws are brought forth.
 -- Grover Cleveland (1837-1908)
 -- Message, March 1, 1886
%%
After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
 -- Mallery's Engineering Truism
%%
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
%%
 (After a power outage:)  Hi, this is Ralph.  The good news is
 that my power is back on.  The bad news for you is, so is my
 answering machine.  So, leave a message.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
After a raise in salary you will have less money at the end of each
month than you had before.
 -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
After a snowstorm, everybody's lawn looks the same.
%%
After assembly of an instrument, extra parts will be found on the workbench.
 -- Klipstein's Tenth Law of Production
%%
After a storm comes a calm.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Acts ix
%%
After a time, you may find that 'having' is not so pleasing a thing,
  after all, as 'wanting.'  It is not logical, but it is often true.
 -- Spock, "Amok Time," stardate 3372.7.
%%
After a while he realizes that she is beautiful - he just hadn't noticed it at
first.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand
   and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean
   security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't
   promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
   with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground
   is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting
   for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
%%
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for
everyone'.
 -- Larry Brown
%%
After Bart has been beat up by the bully, his family walks by and Lisa puts a
cupcake on his forehead ...
Bully: "Hey!  They even have food at this thing!  Here's one for the road ..."
 -- "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
After being asked by a waitress if he wanted his pizza cut into four
slices or eight: "Better make it four. I don't think I can eat eight
pieces."
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
After being turned down by numerous publishers, he decided to write for
 posterity.
 -- George Ade
%%
After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.  These pioneers conducted
many important electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780 Luigi
Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two
different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current
developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer
attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.  Galvani's discovery led
to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine.  Today,
skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously
injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it
hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact
that it sinks like a stone.
 -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
%%
afterburp
(ah-ftur-berp) n.: residual, highly acidic taste persisting in the mouth
following a bout of either regurgitation or "yurk"ing (which See)
%%
"After checking my original notes, it appears that I spent most of last
 class lying to you.  You may not find that surprising.  I will now
 attempt to correct any misinformation that resulted.  This you will
 probably find very surprising."
 -- A CS Prof. teaching UNIX
%%
After Clinton, *everyone* looks qualified to be President!
%%
After Completion. Success in small matters.
Perseverance furthers.
At the beginning good fortune,
At the end disorder.
%%
After considerable research, the present administration has discovered that
 unemployment isn't working.
%%
After death the doctor.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
"After decades of "Masterpiece Theater" decline,
 deferent workers cheering dim royals, and legions
 of garden fetishists whose idea of fun was a
 gentle discussion of acidity levels in the
 topsoil, the class system is finally getting
 shaken up.  There are happier consequences of this
 than violence, of course, but the hooligan revival
 is at least a reminder that there's now no
 shortage of Britons successful enough to deserve
 beating up and plenty of others self-confident
 enough to do it."
 -- Andrew Sullivan
%%
After dinner, he said, "Your modem or mine?"
%%
After exhausting all other possibilities,
Americans can be counted upon to do what is right.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
After fifteen minutes, I wanted to marry her, and after thirty
minutes I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
 -- Woody Allen, "Take the Money and Run"
%%
After fish, milk do not wish.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
After God created man, he atoned by creating beer.
%%
After God created woman he atoned by creating beer.
%%
After Goliath's defeat, giants ceased to command respect.
 -- Freeman Dyson
%%
< After Gorman says, "Hicks, meet me at the south lock. We're coming in." >
[sarcastically] "He's coming in. I feel safer already."
 -- Hudson, "Aliens"
%%
After half a day in a beauty salon, she still hasn't been worked on --
they're still busy giving her an estimate.
%%
After he routed Pharnaces Ponticus at the first assault, he wrote
thus to his friends: "I came, I saw, I conquered."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Caesar
%%
   After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from
Heaven.  As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought,
and turned to God and said, A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon
to be created.
     This is true, He replied.
     He will need laws, said the Demon slyly.
     What!   You, his appointed Enemy for all Time!  You ask for the
right to make his laws?
    Oh, no!    Satan replied, I ask only that he be allowed to
make his own.
     It was so granted.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
AFTER HOLIDAY SALE: '92 TAGLINES AT HALF PRICE!
%%
"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the
cost to others, to win advancement."
 -- Norman Thomas
%%
After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my
 skeleton at least once a year, because, "Hey, old buddy, how's it going?"
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than
  why I have one.
 -- Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)
%%
After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
%%
After large expenditures of federal, state, and county funds; after
much confusion generated by detours and road blocks; after greatly
annoying the surrounding population with noise, dust, and fumes,
the previously existing traffic jam is relocated by one half-mile.
 -- Alan Deitz
%%
After learning the tricks of the trade, many of us think we know the trade.
%%
After living in New York, you trust nobody,
 but you believe everything. Just in case.
%%
After lovemaking, a German woman is practical. She will say, "Ach, dat vas
 goot!" A French woman is solicitous. She will say, "Ah, mon cheri, did I
 please you?" And an English woman will say ... "Feeling better?"
 -- Godfrey Cambridge
%%
Afterlyfe.sys not found! Do you want to re-incarnate?
%%
After many years of study, scientists have determined
that dogs bark just for the hell of it.
 -- Smithsonian
%%
After-math [n], The period following algebra.
%%
After meat comes mustard; or, like money to a starving man at sea,
when there are no victuals to be bought with it.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
After Midnight, We're Gonna Let It All Hang Down
%%
"After Mike walked out, she decided to give up Men and raise chickens. Chickens
didn't stay out all night, or come home drunk, or sleep with your best
girlfriend... And if they did... you could cut off their heads and eat them..."
 -- Stephanie Piro, in "Women's Glibber"
%%
After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's
 commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new
 command structure.
%%
After much thought Picard assumes the bowling ball phase.
%%
After my death I wish no other herald,
No other speaker of my living actions,
To keep mine honour from corruption,
But such an honest chronicler as Griffith.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Afternoon, n.: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
morning.
%%
Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person
for a change.
%%
Afternoon: When we start worrying about tomorrow.
%%
After one week [visiting Austria] I couldn't wait to go back to the United
States.   Everything was much more pleasant in the United States, because of
the mentality of being open-minded, always positive.  Everything you want to
do in Europe is just, 'No way.  No one has ever done it.'  They haven't any
more the desire to go out to conquer and achieve -- I realized that I had much
more the American spirit.
 -- Arnold Schwarzenegger
%%
After only 3 mail packets, I have put together a fair sized collection
%%
After painstaking and careful analysis of a sample, you are
always told that it is the wrong sample and doesn't apply to
the problem.
 -- Fourth Law of Revision
%%
< After Ripley rescues the remaining troops with the APC and suggests that
  they nuke the site from orbit, Burke tries to stop this plan >
"Hey maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got
 our ASSES kicked pal!"
 -- Hudson, "Aliens"
%%
After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
%%
After SPACE BALLS, the Movie, now comes SPACE BALLS, the Operating System,
 on Your nearby IBM Mainframe...
 -- Till Poser (f35pos@dhhdesy3.bitnet)
%%
After the 16th screw has been removed, the wrong cover will have been removed.
 -- Klipstein's Eighth Law of Production
%%
After the 16th screw has been replaced, the gasket will have been left off.
 -- Klipstein's Ninth Law of Production
%%
After the battle in Pharsalia, when Pompey was fled, one Nonius said
they had seven eagles left still, and advised to try what they would
do. "Your advice," said Cicero, "were good if we were to fight jackdaws."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Cicero
%%
After the Clinton Health Plan only Taxes will be assured.
%%
After The Corned Beef And Cabbage: Kay O'Pectate
%%
'After the explosion, Captain Blackadder was marvellous. He joked
  and joked: 'You lucky lucky lucky bastard!', he said. And then
  he laid on his back, stuck his foot over the top of the trench,
  and shouted, 'Over here, Fritz! What about me? What about me?''
 -- George : General Hospital
%%
After the first death, there is no other.
 -- Dylan Thomas
%%
After the first year, Captain Kirk lost his secretary, Yeoman Rand.
 She used to bring him coffee (even heating it with a hand phaser in
 times of galley distress) and hand him clipboards with flashing lights
 on them for him to initial.  I wonder whatever happened to her...
 -- karl@neosoft.com
%%
After the lawyers are all dead, kill the Politicians!
%%
After the party was over, he just sort of lay there, grazing on the
carpet.
%%
After the quake, you have the

 Stanford _piecewise_ Linear Accelerator
%%
After the solution screws up the project, all those who initially
endorsed it will say, 'I wish I had voiced my reservations at the
time.'
%%
 After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left
 the money.  I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to
 come out of hiding.
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
After the troll's lightning-fast attack, you note the absence of
your heart and kidneys.
%%
After the verb "to love," "to help" is the most beautiful verb in the
world.
 -- Baroness Bertha von Suttner
%%
After the year 2015, there will be no airplane crashes. There will be no
takeoffs either, because electronics will occupy 100 percent of every
airplane's weight.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XIV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
 -- Farnsdick's Corollary to the 5th Corollary
%%
After this fight he (Kirkland Lang) can look himself in the face.
%%
After three days without programming, life becomes meaningless.
%%
After three days without reading, talk becomes flavorless.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that
  brought tears to my eyes.  He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
 -- Ronnie Shakes
%%
After two days in the hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
%%
"After two years of trying,
scientists at the Yerkes Regional Primate Center have
managed to get a chimpanzee pregnant."      Which proves that no
task is repugnant to a true scientist.
%%
After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend!
%%
After winning the decathlon, Jim Thorpe was told by the King of Sweden, "You
are the world's greatest athlete."
Thorpe replied, "Thanks, King."
%%
After winning the pennant one year, Casey Stengel commented,
"I couldn'ta done it without my players."
%%
After wisdom comes wit.
 -- Evan Esar
%%
After working the crowd, the autograph hound lacked only the signature of
the vice-president's wife, so when he spotted her at the far edge of the
field, he called to his friend, 'Come on, it's a long way to Tipper, Harry!'
 -- Barbara Stegman, California
%%
After you have exhausted what there is in business, politics, conviviality,
and so on - have found that none of these finally satisfy, or permanently
wear - what remains? Nature remains.
 -- Walt Whitman
%%
After you have had a beer the bottle is still worth 10 cents.
%%
After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!
%%
After you use Kleenex, does it become Dirtiex?
%%
After you've done a thing the same way for two years look it over carefully.
After five years look at it with suspicion and after ten years throw it away
and start all over again.
%%
After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident it
makes you wonder about history.
%%
A full belly doth not engender a subtle wit.
 -- George Pettie
%%
A full belly makes a dull brain.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) - [and the local candy machine man]
%%
A full bladder is the best alarm clock in the world.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A full cup must be carried steadily.
 -- English proverb
%%
A 'full' life in my experience is usually full only of other people's
demands.
%%
A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the
 evidence is all in.
 -- Irvin S. Cobb
%%
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a
 poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet
 and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him
 about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why
 it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine!
%%
A future product release date
does not say when a product will be introduced.  All it says it
that you don't have a chance in hell of seeing it before that time.
 -- Goebel's Law of Product Introductions
%%
AFVC: Add Finagle's Variable Constant
%%
"Again, our observations of the stars make it evident, not only that
the earth is circular, but also that it is a circle of no great size.
 For quite a small change of position to south or north causes a manifest
alteration of the horizon.  There is much change, I mean, in the stars
which are overhead, and the stars seen are different, as one moves
northward or southward.  ...All of which goes to show not only that
the earth is circular in shape, but that it is a sphere of no great
size:  for otherwise the effect of so slight a change of place would
not be so quickly apparent.  Hence, one should not be too sure of
the incredibility of the view of those who conceive that there is
a continuity between the parts about the pillars of Hercules [the
strait of Gibraltar] and the parts about India, and that in this way
the ocean is one."
 -- Aristotle, De Caelo, Fourth Century B.C.
%%
Against boredom, even the gods themselves struggle in vain.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Against Idleness and Mischief

How doth the little busy bee         How skillfully she builds her cell!
Improve each shining hour,           How neat she spreads the wax!
And gather honey all the day         And labours hard to store it well
From every opening flower!           With the sweet food she makes.

In works of labour or of skill       In books, or work, or healthful play,
I would be busy too;                 Let my first years be passed,
For Satan finds some mischief still  That I may give for every day
For idle hands to do.                Some good account at last.

 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748), Divine Songs, Song xx
%%
                Against the Word the unstilled world still whirled
                About the center of the silent Word.
 -- T.S. Eliot
%%
Again, the truth is funnier than fiction

In Phila 11/7/88 :

The police raided a drug house, seizing coke and crack
and the 5 drug dealers in the house.  As they are
raiding the place, the phone rings.  An officer answers
"Hello?"  The voice says "I coming over with the coke
now"  The officer says "Sure, come on over".  The
police wait.  Sure enough, not one, but four people
arrive at the house with 2 kilos of cocaine.
%%
Again to the battle, Achaians!
Our hearts bid the tyrants defiance!
Our land, the first garden of Liberty's tree,
It has been, and shall yet be, the land of the free.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Song of the Greeks
%%
Again you have pleased them, and they put a rare conch shell out
for for you.
%%
A gal I know was in a bar, and was approached by a guy who asked,
"What's your sign?"  Her immediate response: "Neon."
%%
A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than
he could be elected Pope of Rome.  Both high posts are reserved for men
favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter
facts of life in bandages of self-illusion.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
A gambler's biggest thrill is winning a bet.
His next biggest thrill is losing a bet.
%%
A game can by God repent or we'll punish it.
That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century,
and that's how we'll do it now.
 -- Dick Hamlet
%%
AGB: Add GarBage
%%
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
 -- attrib to D. W. Jones
%%
Age before beauty ... And pearls before swine.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967) from "The Book of Insults"
%%
Age can be beautifull as long as it works!!!!
%%
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Age does not depend upon years, but upon temperment and health.
Some men are born old, and some never grow so.
 -- Tryon Edwards
%%
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment
of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
 -- Jim Fiebig
%%
Age doesn't show here, but immaturity sure does.
%%
Age Fast - Hire a Consultant!
%%
Ageing is not bad.  The real killer is when you stop.
%%
Age ... is a matter of feeling, not of years.
 -- George William Curtis
%%
Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't
 matter.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
Age is a tyrant, who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures
of youth.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Age is important only in dead fish and good wine.
%%
Age is never a bar to human immaturity.
%%
Age is only a matter of years??
%%
Age is only a number, a cipher for the records.  A man can't retire
his experience.  He must use it.  Experience achieves more with less
energy and time.
 -- Bernard Baruch
%%
Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese.
 -- Billie Burke
%%
Age needn't necessarily be a bar to immaturity.
%%
A general leading the State Department resembles  a dragon commanding
ducks.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A generation which ignores history has no past and no future.
 --  Robert Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazurus Long
%%
A generous friendship no cold medium knows,
Burns with one love, with one resentment glows.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book ix, Line 725
%%
A geneticist living in Delft
Scientifically played with himself,
     And when he was done
  He labeled it: son,
And filed him away on a shelf.
%%
A genie appears in a cloud of green smoke.  He drops something, waves,
and then vanishes, taking the smoke with him.
%%
A genie appears in a cloud of green smoke.  He says, "Boy, you're
greedy," and pulls out a phaser.
* * zzzaapppp!!! * *         You've been reduced to a cloud of quarks.
%%
A genius is always on duty; even his dreams are tax deductible.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A genius is a queer who can whistle while he works.
 -- Bobby Knight
%%
A genius is one who can do anything except make a living.
 -- Joey Adams
%%
A gen'ral sets his army in array in vain, unless he fight and win the day.
 -- Denham
%%
A gen'rous heart repairs a sland'rous tongue.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book viii, Line 432
%%
Agent Cooper, I am thrilled to pieces that the Dharma came to Hohoho,
 I really am.
 -- Agent Albert Rosenfield, from Twin Peaks
%%
AGE, n.  That period of life in which we compound for the vices that
we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the
enterprise to commit.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A gentle knight was pricking on the plaine.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto i, St. 1
%%
A gentleman can disagree without being disagreeable.
%%
A gentleman does things no gentleman should do in a way only a gentleman can.
 -- Luigi Barzini
%%
A gentleman has ease without familiarity, is respectful without meanness;
genteel without affectation, insinuating without seeming art.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
%%
A gentleman is a man who can support his own weight on his hands.
%%
A gentleman is one who doesn't demand a lady prove that she is.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.
%%
A gentleman is one who never strikes a woman without provocation.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
A gentleman never crumbles his bread or rolls in his soup.
%%
A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak
more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
A gentleman of our days is one who has money enough to do what every
fool would do if he could afford it: that is, consume without producing.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
"A gentleman representing a Slavic country has offered me $100 million
 to destroy the American wheat crop.  What do you say?"
  "You don't crap where you sleep."
 -- Ham presents THE BADGER with an economic enigma...
%%
Agent Provocateur Extraordinaire.
%%
Agents do it undercover.
%%
A German soldier in Paris, 1940. He takes the first girl he sees to a hotel
 room, has his way with her, and says arrogantly, "In nine months, you'll
 have a baby. Call him Adolf."

 She replies sweetly, "In two weeks you'll have a rash. Call it what you
 like."
 -- Marty Brill
%%
Ages elapsed ere Homer's lamp appear'd,
And ages ere the Mantuan swan was heard:
To carry nature lengths unknown before,
To give a Milton birth, ask'd ages more.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 556
%%
Age shakes Athena's tower, but spares gray Marathon.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 88
%%
Agesilaus being invited once to hear a man who admirably imitated
the nightingale, he declined, saying he had heard the nightingale
itself.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Agesilaus II
%%
Agesilaus was very fond of his children; and it is reported that once
toying with them he got astride upon a reed as upon a horse, and rode
about the room; and being seen by one of his friends, he desired him
not to speak of it till he had children of his own.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Laconic Apophthegms, Of Agesilaus the Great
%%
Age sits with decent grace upon his visage, and worthily becomes
his silver locks; he bears the marks of many years well spent, of
virtue truth well tried, and wise experience.
 -- Rowe
%%
Aggravate your choler.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Aggression which is flagitious when committed by one, is not sanctioned
when committed by a host.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
Aggressiveness in worldly affairs or business will benefit your purse.
%%
A ghost appears in the room and is appalled by your desecration
of the remains of a fellow adventurer. He casts a curse on
all of your valuables and orders them banished to the land of
the living dead.  The ghost leaves, muttering obscenities.
%%
A ghostly voice whispers, "Insert the ticket in the nearest slot."
%%
A gift is as a precious stone in the eyes of him that hath it.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvii, 8
%%
A gift of flour will soon be made to you.
%%
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
%%
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you. Don't eat them this time.
%%
Aging is bad, but consider the alternative.
%%
A girl a day keeps the wife away.
%%
A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely an accident.
A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *that had to
mean something*.
 -- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"
%%
"A girl - cool? What's so cool about a girl?"
 -- Simon, "Heart on a Chain", Eerie Indiana
%%
A girlfriend a day soon costs $1,000 a month alimony.
%%
A Girlfriend may be a free trial, but you get a life sentence.
%%
A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.
 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
%%
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
%%
A girl who weighed many an oz.
Used language I dare not pron oz.
    For a fellow unkind
    Pulled her chair out behind
Just to see (so he said) if she'd bounce
%%
A girl with psychic powers,
She said "T-Bone, what's your sign?"
I blinked and answered "Neon" -
I thought I'd blow her mind.
 -- Tom "T-Bone" Stankus
%%
Agitation is that part of our intellectual life where vitality results;
there ideas are born, breed and bring forth.
 -- Geroge Edward Woodberry
%%
Agitation is the atmosphere of the brains.
 -- Wendell Phillips
%%
Agitation is the marshalling of the conscience of a nation to mold its
laws.
 -- Robert Peel
%%
AGITATOR, n.  A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors
 -- to dislodge the worms.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A glancing blow from the cyclops' fist.
%%
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort
of).
%%
A glistening pearl falls out of the clam and rolls away.  Goodness,
this must really be an oyster.     (I never was very good at identifying
bivalves.)  Whatever it is, it has now snapped shut again.
%%
A glowing potion is too hot to drink.
%%
Agnodyslexic plea: why me dog?
%%
Agnosticism is the philosophical, ethical and religious dry-rot of the
modern world.
 -- F. E. Abbot
%%
Agnosticism simply means that a man shall not say he knows or believes
that for which he has no grounds for professing to believe.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
Agnostic:  n.  A chickenshit atheist.
%%
Agnostics are merely atheists with an insurance policy.
%%
Agnostics open their prayers with "To Whom it may concern".
%%
A goal to either team would break the deadlock.
%%
A goat butts against a hedge.
It cannot go backward, it cannot go forward.
Nothing serves to further.
If one notes the difficulty, this brings good fortune.
%%
A God all mercy is a God unjust.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 233
%%
A God alone can comprehend a God.
 -- Young
%%
A god cannot survive as a memory.
%%
A god could hardly love and be wise.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 25
%%
A gold statuette of an ancient egyptian goddess is sitting here.
%%
A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific
game.  The player should estimate the distance the ball would have
traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there,
preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass.
 -- Donald A. Metz
%%
A [golf] ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and
placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or
rolled into the rough.  Such veering right or left frequently results
from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball
and the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the
ball resulting from such uncontrollable physical
phenomena.
 -- Donald A. Metz
%%
Agony!
Beyond power of speech
When the one thing you want
Is the one thing that's out of your reach.
 -- Into the Woods
%%
A good algorithm should be very poetic.
%%
A good amulet may protect you against guards.
%%
A good angle to approach any problem is the try-angle.
%%
A good beginning of many things does not necessarily include a great
 conclusion to all of these.
%%
A good book is a kind of paper club, serving to rouse the slumbrous and to
silence the obtuse.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A good book is the precious life-blood of a master-spirit, embalmed
and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Areopagitica
%%
A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.
 -- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)
%%
A good camper knows that it more important to be ingenious than to be a
genius.
 -- Pierre E. Trudeau
%%
A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years.
 -- Wendell L. Wilkie (1892-1944) - Wilkie's Law
%%
A good cat,
is a dead cat.
%%
A good conscience is a continual feast.
 -- Robert Burton
%%
A good conscience is a continued Christmas.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness.
 -- Else Schiaparelli
%%
A good crier of green sauce.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book ii, Chap. xxxi
%%
A good cure for a hangover is to drink black coffee the night before
 instead of the morning after.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
A good day to run amok.
%%
A good deed never goes unpunished.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
A good dinner sharpens wit, while it softens the heart.
 -- Doran
%%
A good dog barks when told.
%%
A good education is usually harmful to a dancer. A good calf is better than
 a good head.
 -- Agnes De Millele
%%
A good family is one that used to better.
 -- Cleveland Amory
%%
A good fight is like a stick of broccoli, but different.
%%
A good film is when the price of the dinner,
the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
A good frame of mind . . . but no picture.
%%
A good friend is one who keeps the surplus zucchini.
%%
A good general rule is to state that the bouquet is better than the taste,
 and vice versa.
 -- Stephen Potter
%%
A good gossip is a wonderful tonic.
%%
A good holiday is one spent among people whose notion of time
are vaguer than yours.
 -- J.B. Priestley
%%
A good horse that follows others.
Awareness of danger,
With perseverance, furthers.
Practice chariot driving and armed defense daily.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
%%
A good idea is one which strikes the other fellow like a bolt of lightning
a year or two after you've told it to him.
%%
A good idea will keep you awake during the morning, but a great idea
will keep you awake during the night.
 -- Marilyn Vos Savant
%%
A good imitation is the most perfect originality.
 -- Voltaire
%%
A good indication of the worth of much of the current music is that none of
 it is worth singing in the shower.
%%
A good Jewish wine: "I wanna go to Miami"
%%
A good laugh is sunshine in a house.
 -- William Makepeace Thackeray
%%
A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader
inspires them with confidence in themselves.
%%
A good library must always be a two way street.
%%
A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
 -- Katharine Whitehorn
%%
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets
  to know something.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
A good manager is best when people barely know that he exists.  Not
so good when people obey and acclaim him.  Worse when they despise
him.
 -- Lao-Tzu
%%
A good man can be stupid and still be good.  But a bad man must have brains.
 -- Maxim Gorky (1868-1936)
%%
A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy
 is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his
 mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they
 pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the
 male ego.
 -- Roseanne Barr Arnold
%%
A good man giving bad advice is more dangerous than a nasty man giving bad
 advice.
 -- Conor Cruise O'Brien
%%
A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
%%
A good man is always a beginner.
 -- Martial
%%
A good man possesses a kingdom.
 -- Seneca (8 BC)
 -- Thyestes, 380
%%
A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.
 -- Barbarella
%%
A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus.
 -- Hoover
%%
A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped,
 self-addressed envelope big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This
 is too much of a temptation to the editor.
 -- Ring Lardner
%%
A good marriage outlasts the first box of dental floss.
%%
A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which
gives immortality to conversation.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
%%
A good memory is needed after one has lied.
 -- Pierre Corneille
%%
A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial.
%%
A good mouth-filling oath.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A good name is better than precious ointment.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes vii, 1
%%
A good name is better than riches.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxii, 1
%%
A good name will wear out; a bad one may be turned; a nickname lasts forever.
 -- Zimmerman
%%
A good neighbor is one who will watch your vacation slides all evening
without telling you that he has been there.
%%
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us
  the truth about its author.
 -- G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
A good number of people race trains to the railroad crossing to avoid the
 wait. However, in case of a tie, you lose.
%%
A good number of you who are reading this material have a library book that
 has been overdue since 1974. Please return it immediately if not sooner.
%%
A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as they say, When the age
is in the wit is out.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
A good organizer is the one who is careful to plan ahead.
%%
A good philosopher is one who does not take ideas seriously.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A good place to start is where you are.
 -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
 -- Patton's Law
%%
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
A good prince will tax as lightly as possible those commodities which
are used by the poorest members of society; e.g., grain, bread, beer,
wine, clothing, and all other staples without which human life could not
exist.
 -- Desiderius Erasmus (1465-1536)
%%
A good pun is its own reword.
%%
A good question is never answered.  It is not a bolt to be tightened
into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the
hope of greening the landscape of idea.
 -- John Ciardi
%%
A good reputation is more valuable than money.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 108
%%
A good rest is half the work.
 -- Yugoslav Proverb
%%
A good rooster crows in any hen house.
%%
A good rule in this business...
 is that when you make a plan, plan in depth.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
A good scapegoat is hard to find.
%%
A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
A good stargazing fixes everything--a good 'heart to heart' twixt
 the woman and the man.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
A good stroke, but it's too slow, the # dodges.
%%
A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
%%
A good theory should fit on a T-shirt
 -- Astronomer at Jan 1992 AAS meeting
%%
A good time to switch to RC Cola.
 -- Government Euphemism for Recession
%%
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit.
%%
A good turn at need,
At first or last, shall be assur'd of meed.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Sixth Day
%%
A good USENET motto would be
a. Together, a strong community.
b. Computers R Us.
c. I'm sick of programming, I think I'll just screw
   around for a while on company time.
%%
A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they
 break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there's
 the monster, sound asleep.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.  Then you call
 the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone.  "Hear that?" you say.
 "That's dynamite, baby."
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
A good word is an easy obligation, but not to speak ill, requires
only our silence, which costs us nothing.
 -- Tillotson
%%
A good workman is known by his tools.
%%
A good writer must have more than vin rose in his veins, use more than Chablis
for ink.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A googoolplex of channels, and nothing's on TV!
%%
Agoraphobia
the claustrophobic man got sick of his small room,
    so he moved into his closet.
%%
A gossip is a person with a keen sense of humour.
%%
A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you
about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about
yourself.
%%
A gourmet thinking calories is a tart looking at a clock.
%%
A government big enough to give you everything you want is a governement big
enough to take from you everything you have.
 -- Gerald R. Ford
%%
A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top.
 -- James Reston
%%
A government needs one hundred soldiers for every guerilla it faces.
 -- Fulgencio Batista (1901-1973)
%%
A government solution to a problem is always followed by the creation of at
 least two additional problems, either of which was worse than the original
 problem which the government set out to solve.
%%
A 'government subsidy' is getting just some of your own money back.
%%
A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big
enough to take it all away.
 -- Barry Goldwater
%%
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon
  the support of Paul.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
A grandchild who asks you some innocent question can make you feel truly
 ancient, as in: "What were dinosaurs really like?"
%%
A grapefruit is a lemon that had a chance and took advantage of it.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
A grateful mind
By owing owes not, but still pays, at once
Indebted and discharg'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 55
%%
A grating appears on the ground.
%%
A grave, wherever found, preaches a short and pithy sermon to the soul.
 -- Hawthorne
%%
A gray eye is still and sly;
A rougish eye is the brown;
The eye of blue is ever true;
But in the black eye's sparkling spell
Mystery and mischief dwell.
%%
A grazing mace, how sweet the sound that flattened a wretch like thee!
%%
A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed
itself from within.
 -- Ariel Durant
%%
A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
A great fortune is a great slavery.
 -- Seneca
%%
A great man is made up of qualities that meet or make great occasions.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Garfield
%%
A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats other men.
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
A great many family trees were started by grafting.
%%
A great many open minds should be closed for repairs.
 -- Toledo Blade
%%
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
 rearranging their prejudices.
 -- William James
%%
A great mind is one that can forget or look beyond itself.
 -- William Hazlitt, Commonplaces
%%
A great name for a new country song:  If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be
Out of Jail by Now.
 -- From the Larry King show
%%
A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest
man a century.
%%
A great part of courage is the courage of having done the thing before.
 -- R.W. Emerson
%%
"A Great Plenty" by E. Nuff
%%
A great source of error is the judging of events by abstract calculations,
which though geometrically true are false as they relate to the concerns
of beings governed more by passions and prejudice than by an enlightened
sense of their interests.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
A great symphony orchestra should be savored like cognac.  Lift the
filled glass to the light.  Admire the amber hue.  Swirl.  Sniff.  Then
set it down and talk about it for half an hour.
 -- Antal Dorati
%%
Agreement: The basis of reality and culture.
%%
A green old age,
That proves the hero born in better days.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxiii, Line 929
%%
Agree with them now, it will save so much time.
%%
A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down
    in four seconds.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #26
%%
A grimoire that sticks with you:  the Velcronomicon.
%%
Agrimony - What a divorced farmer pays his ex-wife.
%%
A group of the unwilling, composed of the unfit, to do the unnecessary for
 the unaware in an untidy manner at an untimely moment employing unseemly
 tactics for the uninformed. Ah, give me a chance at that committee and we
 can really go nowhere fast and get there before most people even know that
 we left. This is nothing more than the formula for good government, or it
 seems that way from what I have been able to observe so far in this life.
%%
A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because
 he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he
 was a lawyer.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
A guardian angel o'er his life presiding,
Doubling his pleasures, and his cares dividing.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Human Life
%%
A guidebook entitled "FLOOD CONTROL DAM #3" is on the reception desk.
%%
A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
 -- Notebooks I (1935-42)
%%
A guilty conscience never feels secure.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 617
%%
A guinea pig is not from Guinea but a rodent from South America. A
firefly is not a fly, but a beetle. A giant panda bear is really a
member of the racoon family. A black panther is really a leopard that
has a solid black coat rather then a spotted one. Peanuts are not really
nuts. The majority of nuts grow on trees while peanuts grow underground.
They are classified as a legume-part of the pea family. A cucumber is
not a vegetable but a fruit.
%%
A gulf profound as that Serbonian bog
Betwixt Damiata and Mount Casius old,
Where armies whole have sunk: the parching air
Burns frore, and cold performs th' effect of fire.
Thither by harpy-footed Furies hal'd,
At certain revolutions all the damn'd
Are brought, and feel by turns the bitter change
Of fierce extremes,--extremes by change more fierce;
From beds of raging fire to starve in ice
Their soft ethereal warmth, and there to pine
Immovable, infix'd, and frozen round,
Periods of time; thence hurried back to fire.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 592
%%
A gun gives you the body, not the bird.
%%
A guru went to the dentist and said,
"I'd like to transcend dental medication."
 -- Dr. Dean Edell
%%
A guy asked me if I had the time.
 I said yes, but not right now.
%%
A guy asked me what living in NYC was like - told him to wait 54 years.
%%
A guy bought a farm. He didn't know anything about farms, but he bought one
 anyway. He decides he's going to plant something. Anything. "What are you
 going to plant?" his friend asks. "Razor blades and cabbages." His friend
 looks at him. "Razor blades and cabbages? What could you possibly get out
 of that?" "Coleslaw."
 -- Buddy Hackett
%%
A guy down the hall has a wooden stake in his window with a sign that
reads "BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF VAMPIRE."
%%
A guy goes into a drugstore on a Friday and says, "Give me a gross of those
 safes." He comes back Monday and says, "There were only 143 in that gross."
 The clerk says, "I'm sorry I spoiled your weekend, sir."
 -- Pearl Williams
%%
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.
%%
A guy I know has C:\BELFRY in his PATH on his PC.
Why?
Because that's where he keeps his .BATs.
%%
A guy is standing in front of his locker at the country club admiring a
 golf ball he has in his hand. One of his golfing buddies says to him,
 "What'd you do, get some new golf balls?"

 And the guy says, "Would you believe that this is the greatest golf ball
 ever made. You can't lose it. You hit it into the rough and it whistles.
 You hit it into the woods and a bell inside goes off. If you drive it into
 a lake, a big burst of steam shoots up six feet in the air for two
 minutes."

 And his friend says, "That's great. Where did you get it?"

 And the guy says, "I found it."
 -- Soupy Sales
%%
A guy is walking over a bridge, and his wallet falls into the river.  He
looks over and sees that the fish are tossing his wallet to each other.
What's going on?  Carp-to-carp walleting.
%%
A guy sees a fat lady carrying a duck. The guy says, "What are you doing
 with that pig?" The fat lady snorts, "That's not a pig, it's a duck." The
 guy says, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the duck."
 -- Jack Carter
%%
A guy walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Since when did you have
 sawdust on the floor?" "That's not sawdust," the bartender said. "It's last
 night's furniture."
 -- Joey Adams
%%
A guy was lost on the Mall by the Washington Monument.  He stopped a
policeman and asked, "What side is the State Dept. on?"

The cop answered, "Ours, I hope."
%%
A guy went to a party wearing shoes with high heels. He put peanut butter in
 the empty space. He sat with one leg crossed over the other so that the
 peanut butter was plainly visible. When someone said "Eyuuuw! What's that?",
 he wiped some off with his finger, tasted it and said "Doberman".
%%
AGWA: Add and Get Wrong Answer
%%
Aha! Another "Undocumented Feature"!
%%
A habit of sneering marks the egotist, or the fool, or the knave, or all three.
 -- Lavater
%%
A habitual slot-machine gambler, also a drunk, staggered into the Automat.
 He walked up to the sandwich section and deposited some nickels. A ham
 sandwich popped out. He deposited more coins, collecting more and more
 sandwiches. The manager walked over to him and said, "Pardon me, sir, but
 why don't you stop? Haven't you got enough?" The drunk turned on him and
 said, "What? Quit when I'm on a winning streak?"
 -- Joe E. Brown
%%
Aha! Brekkers! I could eat fourteen trays of it this morning, and
  still have room for a dolphin on toast.
 -- George : Amy and Amiability
%%
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.
 -- Laura Creighton
%%
"A Hacker is any person who derives joy from
 discovering ways to circumvent limitations."
 -- Bob Bickford, rab@well.sf.ca.us, 1986
%%
Ahah!
%%
Ah-ah, Mr. Wiiilson.  Ah-ah, Mr. Heath.
%%
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
%%
A halted retreat
Is nerve-wracking and dangerous.
To retain people as men- and maidservants
Brings good fortune.
%%
A hamburger by any other name ordinarily costs about twice as much.
%%
A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never.
%%
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
%%
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
%%
A hand grenade exploded in a school of fish will supply food for days.
 -- U.S. Armed Forces Survival Manual
%%
A hand in a bird is worth two on 'er bush.
%%
A hand in the bush beats two on the bird.
%%
A handle short of a suitcase.
%%
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
%%
A hangover is when you open your eyes in the morning and you wish you hadn't.
 -- Smythe, "Andy Capp"
%%
Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.
%%
A happier home is but an earlier heaven.
 -- Thomas S. Monson
%%
A happy, and registered, Telix v3.21 user.....
%%
A happy soul, that all the way
To heaven hath a summer's day.
 -- Richard Crashaw (c. 1616-1650)
 -- In Praise of Lessius's Rule of Health
%%
Aha! Pronoun problems. It's not 'shoot you, shoot you',
it's 'shoot me, shoot me'.
So, go ahead, shoot ME, shoot ME <BLAM>... You're Despicable.
 -- Daffy Duck
%%
"Aha!  Pronoun trouble!"
 -- Daffy Duck
%%
A hard beginning maketh a good ending.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
A hard disk is a device that erase data faster than disk drive!
%%
A hard disk is a terrible thing to waste.
%%
A hard disk is good to find.
%%
A HARD DRIVE is from Cleveland to Cleveland
%%
A hard drive is more satisfying than a soft floppy!
%%
A hard man is good to find.
%%
A hard thing about business is minding your own!
%%
A harmless necessary cat.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A harp is a nude piano.
%%
A Harvard neurologist has found that caffeine is a good all-purpose
insecticide: it kills off such nasties as mosquito larvae and tobacco
hornworms. The conclusion (apologies to Hack Wilson): drink enough
coffee and you won't have bugs!
%%
A hat not much the worse for wear.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- History of John Gilpin
%%
A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest
 of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
A Hawaiian Christmas -- Poi To The World!
%%
AHA! You're one of those short Canadians who couldn't play hockey!
%%
A hazard is anything that is dangerous.
 -- "Safety With Beef Cattle", OSHA 1976
%%
Ah, Blackadder. Notice anything...unusual?
Yes, sir. It's eleven thirty in the morning, and you're moving about.
  Is the bed on fire?
 -- George and Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
Ah, Blackadder. Started talking to yourself, I see.
Yes...it's the only way I can be assured of intelligent conversation.
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Potato
%%
Ah, Bob, I see you've decided to go psycho. Godspeed.
%%
Ah, bonjour, Monsieur.
Sod off.
 -- Frenchman and Edmund : Nob and Nobility
%%
Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
Or what's a heaven for ?
 -- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto"
%%
Ah, but killer trained attack cats DO go GRRRRR!
%%
Ah, but soft milk -- that's another matter.
%%
Ah, but the choice of dreams to live,
there's the rub.

For all dreams are not equal,
some exit to nightmare
most end with the dreamer

But at least one must be lived ... and died.
%%
Ah' can SPELL, ah' plum can't TYPE wo'd some hoot
%%
Ah, Captain. I hope you're going to conduct yourself with a little
  more decorum this time.
No, I'm going to conduct myself with no decorum. Shove off.
 -- Nurse Brown and Edmund : General Hospital
%%
Ah, Celeste, my pretty jewel, I love you as a pig loves the mud !
 -- Creole Proverb
%%
Ah chOOga CHOOga! uh
%%
Ah, Christ, that it were possible
  For one short hour to see
The souls we loved, that they might tell us
  What and where they be.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Maud, Part ii, Sect. iv, Stanza 3
%%
Ah, come on, just this one last little feature.
%%
Ah, Come on Let's Let um Do It.
%%
Ah! curst ambition! to thy lures we owe, All the great ills that
mortals bear below.
 -- Teckell
%%
Ah. Danny,... Would you grab that piece of skull, please?
%%
Ah, did you once see Shelley plain,
  And did he stop and speak to you,
And did you speak to him again?
  How strange it seems, and new!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Memorabilia, i
%%
 Ah! don't say you agree with me.   When people agree with me
I always feel that I must be wrong.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Ah, Dr. Crusher, I see Starfleet has shipped you back into exile.
 -- Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Ahead groove factor 5! Yeah!
 -- Holly in Red Dwarf 'Thanks for the Memory'
%%
A Headline in on a magazine at the supermarket read
   How to become an optimist in two weeks
It was only after a moment that I realized that in response, I had muttered
"I don't know.  That sounds pretty optimistic to me."
%%
Ahead of its time.....
%%
"Ahead Warp 37 to the wild, loud PLANET OF THE
 LUSTY WOMEN COMMODITIES BROKERS!"
 -- "Bloom County"
%%
Ahead warp factor 1
 -- Captain Kirk
%%
A healthy body is a great chamber for the soul: a sick body is a prison.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
A healthy family is sacred territory.
%%
A heart in love with beauty never grows old.
 -- Ancient Turkish Proverb
%%
A heart is not judged by how much you love but by how much you are
loved by others.
 -- The Wizard of Oz
%%
A heart unspotted is not easily daunted.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
A hearty young fellow named Yost
Once had an affair with a ghost.
    At the height of the spasm
    The poor ectoplasm
Cried, "Goodie, I feel it ... almost."
%%
A heaven of charms divine Nausicaa lay.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vi, Line 22
%%
A heaven on earth.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 208
%%
A heavy night snowstorm is God saying: "Take today off."
%%
A heavy purse makes a light heart.
 -- Irish proverb
%%
A Hebrew knelt in the dying light,
  His eye was dim and cold,
The hairs on his brow were silver-white,
  And his blood was thin and old.
 -- Thomas K. Hervey (1799-1859)
 -- The Devil's Progress
%%
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
A hen tomorrow is more valuable than an egg today.
%%
A herd of 100 charging buffaloes charged across the prairie.
%%
A heretic... is a fellow who disagrees with your
regarding something
neither of you knows anything about.
 -- William Cowper Brann (1855-1898)
%%
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
%%
A hero is a man who consistently violates the law of conservation of energy.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A hero is no braver than anyone else; he is only brave five minutes longer.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Ah, excuse me, Death?  Where is thy sting?
 -- Mystery Science Theatre 3000
%%
Ah, gentle dames! it gars me greet
To think how monie counsels sweet,
How monie lengthened sage advices,
The husband frae the wife despises.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
Ah good, Data, least you're functioning.
Fully...Captain.
 -- Picard and Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Ah, good taste! What a dreadful thing! Taste is the enemy of creativeness.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quote (Anderson, S.C., March 24, 1957)
%%
Ah-Ha! Caught you stealing my taglines again!
%%
Ahh - a desq with a view!
%%
Ah, happy hills! ah, pleasing shade!
  Ah, fields beloved in vain!
Where once my careless childhood stray'd,
  A stranger yet to pain!
I feel the gales that from ye blow
  A momentary bliss bestow.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On a Distant Prospect of Eton College, Stanza 2
%%
Ah, happy years! once more who would not be a boy?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 23
%%
Ah *HA!* (pregnant pause) Pronoun Trouble..."
 -- Daffy Duck
%%
Ahhh.   A man with a sharp wit.  Someone ought to take it away from him
before he cuts himself.
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
Ahhh, burritos?
%%
Ahhhh..for those longer tags with the register
%%
 Ahhhhhhhhh...  ahhhhhhhhhh...  (Heavy breathing sounds, like an
 obscene phone call.)  Oh, nuts, YOU called ME!  Sorry.  Never
 mind.  Leave your name and number at the beep.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
Ahhhhh...home sweet hell!
%%
Ahhhh...hockey season FINALLY started!
%%
Ahhhh, I really like men.  Every woman should own one.
%%
Ahhhh, it's amazing what a cheat can do!!
%%
Ahhh! The country's safe! Congress is out of session!
%%
Ahh, it taxes the little grey cells, does it not?
%%
Ah, how unjust to Nature and himself
Is thoughtless, thankless, inconsistent man!
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 112
%%
Ahh wight! Where's my WAM memowy you wascwy wabbitt?
%%
Ahh.  You have a practiced hand Commander.
Yes, I have my father to thank.
Your father like to cook?
No, he hated it.  That's why he left the chore to me.
 -- Pulaski & Riker,  "Time Squraed,"  stardate 42679.2.
%%
A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.
%%
A high-fiber breakfast is very important. Always eat your cereal before it
 shrinks.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
A high hope for a low heaven.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
A high level staff meeting will always make the
big boss feel better.
%%
A high roller even when the chips are down.
%%
Ah, I have access.
 -- Data
%%
A hillbilly boy married a hillbilly girl and went on a honeymoon. They were
 supposed to stay two weeks, but they didn't stay two weeks, they stayed one
 night.

 The next day the hillbilly boy came back up to his pappy's cabin. His pappy
 said, "Hey, boy, where's your woman?" He said, "I shot her, Paw." He said,
 "You shot her? What fer?" The boy said, "She were a virgin, Paw." He said,
 "I don't blame ya, boy, if she ain't good enough for her folks, she ain't
 good enough for us!"
 -- Dave Turner
%%
A historical toast, made by some politician to a successful wartime admiral
at a Navy dinner.
<picks up wine, and almost speaks>
<puts down wine>
<picks up his water glass>
To you, gentlemen.  I believe your victories were made on water.
%%
A hit, a very palpable hit.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Ah, Jaquelin ... Will you grab that piece of skull...
%%
Ah know what a bagel is, but what kind of dog is a lox?
%%
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Where do they all come from
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Where do they all belong
%%
Ah, Louie, Louie....oowooo...me gotta go!!
%%
"Ah, monsieur.  And how are we today?"
"Better."
"Better?"
"Better get a bucket.  I'm gonna throw up."
 -- Monty Python "Meaning of Life"
%%
Ah, Mozart!  He was happily married, but his wife wasn't.
 -- Borge
%%
Ahm Sitin an Wachin Der Blinkenleitz und drinking tooo mooch.
%%
Ah, Myra, I see you've decided to go psycho. Godspeed.
%%
Ah, my trombone.  Let me show you how it works.
 -- Riker
%%
AH, no you didn't, you came here for an *argument*!
%%
A hog's eyesight is better than a human's.
%%
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods
while the police officer searches you.
%%
A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being
searched.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
A hole is nothing, but you can break your neck in it.
%%
A hollow voice says "PLUGH".
%%
A home is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities
of the people who live in it.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
A home is the place where part of the family
waits until the others have returned with the car.
%%
A homeowner's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a weekend for?
%%
A homunculus wouldn't want to hurt a wizard.
%%
A hooker accidently hits on a vice cop who's just about to go off-shift,
 he really wants to avoid the paperwork of processing this bimbo now,
 preferring to go home and eat his dinner. The hooker says: "Anything you
 can name with 3 words, $100..eh?" The vice cop nods, but gives her an
 address on a piece of paper and says: "How about tomorrow, this address -
 same deal?" The tart agrees, and in fact shows up at the vice cop's house
 the following day. The cop hands her $100, shows her his badge and says:
 "Paint my house."
%%
Ah-ooooh, where was the thunder?
%%
A horizontal surface will soon be piled up.
 -- Corollary to Murphy's Law
%%
A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
A horse hired, never tired.
 -- Proverb
%%
A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
He follows a lifestyle we don't endorse,
He drinks the blood of a sheep, by force,
The vampire horse, Count Ed!
 -- Ron
%%
A horse may go freely to water, but a pencil must be lead.
%%
A hospital is no place to be sick.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
A host is a host from coast to coast
And no one will talk to a host that's close
Unless the host (that isn't close)
is busy, hung or dead.
 -- David Lesher
%%
A hot pepper sandwich is here.
%%
A house divided.........
 is a duplex.
%%
A house is never perfectly furnished for enjoyment, unless there
is a child in it rising three years old, and a kitten rising six weeks.
 -- Southey
%%
A house is not a home.
 -- Polly Adler. American madam.
%%
A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as
well as the body.
 -- Margaret Fuller
%%
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!".
The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4.  Let me run
     those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed
     voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
%%
Ahoy!
%%
Ah said, pay attention, boy!
 -- Foghorn Leghorn
%%
Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
%%
Ah shucks it works - darn it!
%%
Ah Sin was his name.
 -- Francis Bret Harte (1839-1902)
 -- Plain Language from Truthful James
%%
Ah Sir, that Tanker is getting away.
%%
Ah, surely nothing dies but something mourns.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 108
%%
Ah, Taxes: At least Death Isn't Annual.
%%
Ah, tell them they are men!
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On a Distant Prospect of Eton College, Stanza 6
%%
Ah that I-- You would have it so, you would have it so; George Dandin,
you would have it so! This suits you very nicely, and you are served
right; you have precisely what you deserve.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- George Dandin, Act i, Sc. 19
%%
Ah, the joys of deregulation. Now it takes an attorney to figure out your
 telephone bill.
%%
Ah, the life of a frog; that's the life for me.
 -- Bart in "Crepes of Wrath", from The Simpsons
%%
Ah, there are no longer any children!
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Le Malade Imaginaire, Act ii, Sc. 11
%%
"Ah, these good, efficient, healthy-minded people, they always remind me of
those optimistic tadpoles who bask in a puddle in the sun, in the shallowest
of waters, crowding together and amiably wriggling their tails, totally
unaware that the next morning the puddle will have dried up and left them
stranded"
 -- Carl Jung; Memories, Dreams, Reflections
%%
Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
%%
Ah, the vastness of space and time... and I end up here..
%%
Ah! the youngest heart has the same waves within it as the oldest;
but without the plummet which can measure the depths.
 -- Richter
%%
Ah.  This is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't
previously aware of.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Ah, Thor!: Ty Till
%%
Ah, to be a buzzard now that spring is here!
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A huge green fierce dragon bars the way!
%%
A huge green fierce snake bars the way!
%%
A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart.
%%
A HUMAN!!!!!!!!        A TREEEEE!!!!!!!!!! (thump)
 -- Batty/Chrysta
%%
A human being is a computer's way of making another computer.
Yes, we are their sex organs.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A human being is an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
 -- Christopher Morley
%%
A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part
limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and
feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical
delusion of his consciousness.  This delusion is a kind of prison for
us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few
persons nearest to us.  Our task must be to free ourselves from this
prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living
creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance
accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give
orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem,
pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently,
and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long
%%
A humble, obedient attitude will serve you well in anything you do in life.
 -- Joseph B. Wirthlin
%%
A humgry man is not a free man.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
A humorist is a man who feels bad but who feels good about it.
 -- Don Herold
%%
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
%%
A hundred bottles of beer on the wall, a hundred bottles
of beer.  If one of those bottles should happen to
fall, it would shake the very foundations of the Universe.
 -- from Mauve'Bib's "The Seven Pillows of Wisdom,"
 -- edited by the Princess Serutan
%%
A hundred cartloads of anxiety will not pay an ounce of debt.
%%
A hundred mouths, a hundred tongues, and throats of brass, inspired
with iron lungs.
 -- Virgil
%%
A hundred years ago we were much smarter; then you lived until you died and
 not until you were just run over.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
A hundred years from now, none of us will give a damn.
%%
A hungry dog hunts best.
A hungrier dog hunts even better.
 -- Augustine's Law Number VI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
A hunk-o',hunk-o' burnin' love.
%%
A hurricane is a blow job from Mother Nature!
%%
A hurricane triggered by butterfly wings ...
%%
A husband and wife should never go to bed mad when they still have the
 stamina to stay up and fight. Why deprive the neighbors of something far
 more interesting than television?
%%
A husband is a lover who pushed his luck too far.
%%
A husband is the medicine for the ills of girlhood.
%%
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been
extracted.
 -- Helen Rowland (1876-1950)
%%
A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult
 her in the privacy of the home.
 -- James Thurber
%%
A hush fell over the courtroom, injuring six.
%%
Ah! Valere, all men say the same thing to women; all are alike in their
words; their actions only show the difference that exists between them.
 -- Moliere
%%
"Ah, well, I attended Juliard.  I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business
School.  I travel quite extensively.  I live through the Black Plague and
had a pretty good time during that. I've seen THE EXORCIST about 167
times, and it keeps gettin' funnier EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT!!"
 -- Beetlejuice
%%
Ah, well. I didn't find a mate, but I did save the conference as well
  as your reputations. All in a day's work I suppose.
 -- Lwaxana Troi, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
Ah, well, then, I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
 -- in R.H. Sherard Life of Oscar Wilde (1906) p. 421
 -- When a huge fee for an operation was mentioned (NOT his last words)
%%
Ah well, they say its not as bad as they say it is.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Ah, what a dusty answer gets the soul when hot for certainties in this
our life!
 -- George Meredith
%%
Ah, what's this? Unless I'm much mistaken, a hammer and a chisel!
You are much mistaken.
...A pencil and a miniature trumpet.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Corporal Punishment
%%
Ah! what would the world be to us
If the children were no more?
We should dread the desert behind us
Worse than the dark before.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
Ah, when shall all men's good
Be each man's rule, and universal peace
Lie like a shaft of light across the land,
And like a lane of beams athwart the sea,
Thro' all the circle of the golden year?
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Golden Year
%%
Ah, who can tell how hard it is to climb
The steep where Fame's proud temple shines afar?
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Minstrel, Book i, Stanza 1
%%
Ah, why
Should life all labour be?
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Lotus-Eaters, iv
%%
Ah, women.  They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Ah...Worf. We are so much alike you and I. Both warriors, orphans who
  found ourselves this family. I hope I met death with my eyes wide open.
 -- Yar, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
Ah, yes! I wrote the "Purple Cow"--
I'm sorry now I wrote it!
But I can tell you anyhow,
I'll kill you if you quote it!
 -- Gelett Burgess (1866-1951)
 -- The Burgess Nonsense Book (1914) "Confessional"
%%
Ah, yes, 'Sparkling Muscatel', one of the fine wines of Idaho!
%%
Ah, you flavour everything; you are the vanilla of society.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 262
%%
"Ah, you know the type.  They like to blame it all on the Jews or the
Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact
that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately
unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep
up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."
 -- A analysis of Neo-Nazis, from "The Badger" comic
%%
Ah, youth! forever dear, forever kind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xix, Line 303
%%
A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?
 -- Don Marquis
%%
A hypothetical paradox:
       What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security
team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of
Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet?
 -- Tom Galloway
%%
AI      Add Improperly
%%
:AI: /A-I/ n. Abbreviation for `Artificial Intelligence', so
   common that the full form is almost never written or spoken among
   hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
AIB: Attack Innocent Bystanders
%%
Aibohphobia: an unreasoning fear of palindromes.
%%
:AI-complete: /A-I k*m-pleet'/ [MIT, Stanford: by analogy with
   `NP-complete' (see {NP-})] adj. Used to describe problems or
   subproblems in AI, to indicate that the solution presupposes a
   solution to the `strong AI problem' (that is, the synthesis of a
   human-level intelligence).  A problem that is AI-complete is, in
   other words, just too hard.

   Examples of AI-complete problems are `The Vision Problem'
   (building a system that can see as well as a human) and `The
   Natural Language Problem' (building a system that can understand
   and speak a natural language as well as a human).  These may appear
   to be modular, but all attempts so far (1993) to solve them have
   foundered on the amount of context information and `intelligence'
   they seem to require. See also {gedanken}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:AIDS: /aydz/ n. Short for A* Infected Disk Syndrome (`A*' is a
   {glob} pattern that matches, but is not limited to, Apple),
   this condition is quite often the result of practicing unsafe
   {SEX}.  See {virus}, {worm}, {Trojan horse},
   {virgin}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
AIDS Cures Liberalism.
%%
AIDS, drugs, abortion - Don't Liberals just kill you?
%%
AIDS: God's revenge on perverts...Clinton, Visa-Versa
%%
AIDS is just a virus. Bill Clinton is punishment from God.
%%
AIDS is just a virus. George Bush is a punishment from God.
%%
AIDS is killing our Vampire population.
%%
AIDS is Nature's way of telling you to stop buggering about.
%%
AIDS isn't a problem for society-at-large.
 -- Conservative idea #6
%%
AIDS: It's not just for gays anymore!
%%
AIDS -- The Plague Denied by the ACLU the AMA and man!
%%
Aid the dawning, tongue and pen;
Aid it, hopes of honest men!
 -- Charles Mackay (1814-1889)
 -- Clear the Way
%%
:AIDX: n. /aydkz/ n. Derogatory term for IBM's perverted version
   of UNIX, AIX, especially for the AIX 3.? used in the IBM RS/6000
   series (some hackers think it is funnier just to pronounce "AIX"
   as "aches").  A victim of the dreaded "hybridism" disease, this
   attempt to combine the two main currents of the UNIX stream
   ({BSD} and {USG UNIX}) became a {monstrosity} to haunt
   system administrators' dreams.  For example, if new accounts are
   created while many users are logged on, the load average jumps
   quickly over 20 due to silly implementation of the user databases.
   For a quite similar disease, compare {HP-SUX}.  Also, compare
   {Macintrash} {Nominal Semidestructor}, {Open DeathTrap},
   {ScumOS}, {sun-stools}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
AI hackers do it artificially.
%%
AI hackers do it breast first.
%%
AI hackers do it depth first.
%%
AI hackers do it robotically.
%%
AI hackers do it with robots.
%%
AI hackers do it with rules.
%%
AI hackers make a big production out of it.
%%
Aiijjj!!
%%
:AI koans: /A-I koh'anz/ pl.n. A series of pastiches of Zen
   teaching riddles created by Danny Hillis at the MIT AI Lab around
   various major figures of the Lab's culture (several are included
   under "{A Selection of AI Koans}" in {Appendix
   A}).  See also {ha ha only serious}, {mu}, and {{Humor,
   Hacker}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ai Mate, Capt'n J.P. Jones Here!
%%
Aim at the sun, any you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far
higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself.
 -- Joel Hawes
%%
Aim for her flat-top!
%%
Aim for the moon.  If you miss, you may hit a star.
 -- W. Clement Stone
%%
Aim for the stars and maybe you'll reach the sky.
%%
AIM, n.  The task we set our wishes to.

    "Cheer up!  Have you no aim in life?"
        She tenderly inquired.
    "An aim?  Well, no, I haven't, wife;
        The fact is -- I have fired."
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ain't nerd-life grand?
%%
Ain't no horse can't be rode; ain't no cowboy can't be throwed.
%%
Ain't nothing but a G-string baby...
%%
Ain't nothing but beer and bones.
%%
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride; nobody's gonna slow me down...
%%
Ain't no time to hate--barely time to wait. Wo ho what I want to know:
 where does the time go?
 -- Robert Hunter
%%
"Ain't that just like a tin-pot dictator!  Calling
 in the faceless hordes when things get rough!
 Faceless horde is my middle name!"
 -- The Badger, in NEXUS
%%
Ain't Winter Grand?
%%
Ain't WP Macro's *FUN*...!!!
%%
AI PEOPLE do it with a Lis(ss)p
%%
AI programmers only think they do it.
%%
Airbags won't help...when this machine crashes!
%%
Air Borgs - "Just Assimilate It!"
%%
Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.
%%
Air Conditioner 1.0.  Runs under Windows.
%%
Air controllers nightmare: A pack of F-117s landing.
%%
AIR COURIERS do it all over the world in big jets
%%
Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a westerly direction,
preferably supersonic, crossing time zones to provide the additional hours
needed to fix the broken electronics.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLIV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Air Family:
 Describes the false sense of community experienced among
coworkers in an office environment.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Air Geordis - TNG footwear
%%
Airhead / bubble-brain.
%%
Air is water with holes in it.
%%
Airlifters penetrate further, linger longer, and drop a bigger load
%%
Airline food
 -- Oxymoron
%%
AIRLINE PILOTS do it at incredible heights.
%%
Airline tickets have small print on them. It says, "Schedules are subject
 to change without notice." I missed my plane in Houston by fifteen minutes.
 And believe me, I noticed it.
 -- Mark Dobrient
%%
Airline Virus: You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore
%%
Airloin: The unidentified airline entree served in-flight.
%%
AIR, n.  A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for
the fattening of the poor.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Airplane. Guy is sitting asleep, fly open, completely exposed. Next aisle,
 a guy's sitting there. He looks over and sees him. He gets the stewardess
 and asks her for a pencil and a piece of paper. He writes:

 "Dear Sir: I'm seated across the aisle from you, and your fly is open and
 you're completely exposed. And I knew this note would avoid any
 embarrassment. Yours truly, Frank Martin.

 "P.S. I love you."
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
Airplane: Lots of parts flying in close formation.
%%
:airplane rule: n. "Complexity increases the possibility of
   failure; a twin-engine airplane has twice as many engine problems
   as a single-engine airplane."  By analogy, in both software and
   electronics, the rule that simplicity increases robustness.  It is
   correspondingly argued that the right way to build reliable systems
   is to put all your eggs in one basket, after making sure that
   you've built a really *good* basket.  See also {KISS
   Principle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.
 -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Ecole Superieure de Guerre, 1928
%%
Airplanes that don't fly so they don't crash.
 -- Polish invention
%%
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
%%
Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #44
%%
Air traffic controllers do it by radar.
%%
Air Traffic Controllers do it in the dark.
%%
Air Traffic Controllers do it with their tongue.
%%
Air Traffic Controllers tell pilots how to do it.
%%
Air travel is hours of boredom puntuated by a few brief moments of terror.
 -- Charles Lindberg
%%
Airy ambition, soaring high.
 -- Sheffield
%%
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe,
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
O is for Olive, run through with an awl,
P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
U is for Una  who slipped down a drain,
V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
 -- Edward Gorey "The Gastly Crumb Tines"
%%
AISG: Access and Improve Student Grade
%%
aitch, are, ay, bee, cue, dee, double u, ee, ef, el, em, en, ess, ex,
eye, gee, jay, kay, oh, pea, see, tee, vee, why, you, zee
 -- S. Harris, on the design of EBCDIC
%%
A jack of all trades is master of none.
%%
Ajax the great...
Himself a host.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iii, Line 293
%%
A jerk. A real knee biter.
%%
A jerk present in a group indicates a jerk in charge.
%%
A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
Of him that makes it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
A Jewish gentleman marries into a Gypsy family.  As a wedding
gift, her father sets him up with a chain of empty stores.
%%
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. 
%%
A job is nice but it interferes with my BBS'ing...
%%
A job is nice but it interferes with my life.
%%
A joint is just tea for two.
%%
A joint of mutton, and any pretty little tiny kick-shaws, tell William cook.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
A joke is a very serious thing.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
A joke is like watching a woman get out of a car --
 sometimes you see it and sometimes you don't.
 -- Max Miller
%%
A joke isn't funny unless it offends SOMEONE.
%%
A journalist is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent
of sovereigns, a tutor of nations. Four hostile newspapers are more
to be feared than a thousand bayonets.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
A journey always begins with a farewell.
%%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
%%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with an argument over how to load the car.
%%
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
 -- Lao-Tsu, The Way of Lao-Tsu
%%
A journey of a thousand miles occasionally begins with the realization that
 a thousand miles is one hell of a long journey.
 -- Mick Stevens
%%
A joyful and pleasant thing it is to be thankful.
 -- Book of Common Prayer (1662)
 -- Psalm 147, v. 16
%%
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
A jug is carried under your coat for a dishonest reason.
%%
A jug of wine, a bowl of rice with it;
Earthen vessels
Simply handed in through the window.
There is certainly no blame in this.
%%
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better
  lawyer.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
A jury is a group of twelve people of average ignorance.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
A jury should decide a case the minute they are shown it, before the
lawyers have had a chance to mislead them
%%
A Kamikaze Pilot enjoys the limitation of being a success but once.
%%
A kangaroo loose in her top paddock.
%%
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
"A keyboard... how quaint."
 -- Engineer Scott gives his considered opinion of a Macintosh -- Star Trek IV
%%
A KGB keyboard has no escape key.
%%
A kibble is one thousand nibbles.
%%
A kick in the butt is a step forward.
%%
A kick that scarce would move a horse
  May kill a sound divine.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Yearly Distress
%%
A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
%%
A killa, a fool, a little arsed G...
%%
A killer stalks the halls of my high school. Innocent cheerleaders die
by knife. Teachers lock the classroom doors. I must find him, or I'll
flunk.
 -- From a poem by Peggy Nadramia
%%
A kind
Of excellent dumb discourse.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
A KING does it with his official seal
%%
A king of shreds and patches.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
A king's castle is his home.
%%
A king that would not feel his crown too heavy for him, must wear it
every day; but if he think it too light, he knoweth not of what metal it
is made.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
A king who was mad at the time,
Decreed limerick writing a crime;
    But late in the night
 All the poets would write
Verses without any rhyme or meter.
%%
A kiss is an operation, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of
 speech at a moment when words are utterly superfluous.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving.
 -- Cyrano de Bergerac
%%
A kiss is the upper persuasion for lower invasion.
%%
A kiss:  the anatomical juxtaposition of 2 orbicularis oris muslces in a
state of contraction.
 -- Dr. Henry Gibbons
%%
A kiss:  To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid,
charity.
 -- V.P. Skipper
%%
A kitchen in every pot.  I mean, a pot in every -- I mean, a chicken
in every...
 -- George Bush, 1988
%%
``A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow,
beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave;
a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing,
super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that
wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the
composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir
of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if
thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.''
 -- Earl of Kent, _The_Tragedy_of_King_Lear_
%%
    A KNIGHT rides into shot and hacks him to the ground.  He rides off.
    We stay for a moment on the glade.  A MIDDLE-AGED LADY in a C. & A.
    twin-set emerges from the trees and looks in horror at the body of her
    HUSBAND.
MRS HISTORIAN: FRANK!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
A knock-down argument: 't is but a word and a blow.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Amphitryon, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
ALA  - Australian League of Alcoholics
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Alabama astronomy - where all the galaxies have crimson tides.
%%
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
%%
A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency
 on my part.
%%
Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye
Than twenty of their swords.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
"A ladies man, eh?"
  "The problem is, I gotta fifty-year-old lust and a three-year-old dinky."
 -- WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?
%%
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket.
"You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered.  I replied
in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll
have to kill you too."
 -- Jake Johansen
%%
A lady is one who only shows her underwear intentionally.
%%
A lady lost her cat, and took the cat in a little casket up to a big church
 and said, "I want you to bury my cat." And they run her off. She went to
 another church, and they run her off. She took the cat to a Baptist church
 on the edge of town, and told the preacher she couldn't find nobody to hold
 a service for her dead cat. And the man talked to her bad. "How dare you
 think that we bury cats?" She said, "Well, I'm frustrated and I'm prepared
 to give two thousand dollars to whoever gives a service for my cat." And
 the preacher said, "Lady, why didn't you tell me your cat was a Baptist?"
 -- Jerry Clower
%%
A lady wearing a chastity belt is not going to a ball.
%%
A lake on the mountain:
The image of Influence.
Thus the superior man encourages people to approach him
By his readiness to receive them.
%%
Alamak!!!
%%
A land flowing with milk and honey.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Exodus iii, 8; Jeremiah xxxii, 22
%%
A language is a dialect with an army and navy.
%%
A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not
 worth knowing.
%%
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
 in than some that do.
 -- Dennis M. Ritchie
%%
A lap behind the field.
%%
A large cloud of purple smoke appears before you.  It clears away to
reveal a tall sorcerer carrying a tape player and a myriad of tapes.  He
looks at everything and says "This adventure has lasted too long."  With
that, he gestures with his free hand and all around you fades into grey
nothingness.
%%
A large coil of rope is lying in the corner.
%%
A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life.
%%
A large number of installed systems work by fiat.  That is, they work by being
declared to work.
 -- Anatol Holt
%%
A large part of [the purpose] of education may well be what men have
most feared and most desired -- the achievements of moments of ecstasy.
 -- George Leonard
%%
A large piece of rope descends from the railing above, ending some
five feet above your head.
%%
A large pizza, and a case of beer to go, please.
%%
A large sign on the wall reads "Grand central station".
%%
A large stalactite extends from the roof and almost reaches the floor
below.   You could climb down it, and jump from it to the floor, but
having done so you would be unable to reach it to climb back up.
%%
A large viper must be swallowed with extreme caution.
%%
A large winged fire breathing dragon has flown into the room with
you. you.
%%
Alarm clock: A machine that scares the daylights into you...
%%
Alarm clock: Something that makes people rise and whine...
%%
Alas, a virgin no more: I've lost my Himem...
%%
Alas! by some degree of woe
  We every bliss must gain;
The heart can ne'er a transport know
  That never feels a pain.
 -- Lord Lyttleton (1709-1773)
 -- Song
%%
Alas! can we ring the bells backward?  Can we unlearn the arts that
pretend to civilize, and then burn the world?  There is a march of
science; but who shall beat the drums for its retreat?
 -- Charles Lamb (1775-1834)
%%
A laser that allows you to perform surgery on the
system. . . .  and you don't need a PhD!
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 15.0 Chapter 15.  SPZAP
%%
Alas for love, if thou wert all,
  And naught beyond, O Earth!
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- The Graves of a Household
%%
Alas for the rarity
Of Christian charity
  Under the sun!
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Bridge of Sighs
%%
Alas! how light a cause may move
Dissension between hearts that love!
Hearts that the world in vain had tried,
And sorrow but more closely tied;
That stood the storm when waves were rough,
Yet in a sunny hour fall off,
Like ships that have gone down at sea
When heaven was all tranquillity.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Light of the Harem
%%
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
 -- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
%%
Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
 -- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
%%
Alas, `It' has gone limp, and `it' won't get up.
%%
Alas! it is not till time, with reckless hand, has torn out half the
leaves from the Book of Human Life to light the fires of passion with
from day to day, that man begins to see that the leaves which remain
are few in number.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Hyperion, Book iv, Chap. viii
%%
ALASKA:
       A prelude to "No."
%%
Alaska is our biggest, buggiest, boggiest state. Texas remains our largest
unfrozen state. But mountainous Utah, if ironed out flat, would take up more
space on a map than either.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Alaskan nights are 3 months long, can I sleep late?
%%
Alaska's chief attractions are: (a) its small and insignificant human
population, thanks to the miserable climate; and (b) its large and magnificent
wildlife population, thanks to (a). Both of these attractions are being
rapidly diminished, however, by (c) the Law of Growth and Space-Age Sleaze.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Alas! our young affections run to waste,
Or water but the desert.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 120
%%
Alas, poor Peri, not for us the pleasures of Phaestor 95 . . . I
    am a living peril to the universe.  If this poor hive is to be
   cleansed, there's only one recourse--contemplation, self-abnegation
   in some hellish wilderness--ten days, ten years, a thousand years,
   of what consequence is time to me?  I shall become a hermit, and you,
   child, shall be my disciple.
 -- Dr. Colin Baker, THE TWIN DILEMMA
%%
Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest,
of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times;
and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it.
Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where
be your gibes now; your gambols, your songs? your flashes of merriment,
that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your
own grinning? Quite chap-fallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber,
and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must
come.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Alas, Poor Yorick, I think you're dead.
%%
Alas, poor yorliK, I knew him backwards.
%%
Alas, reason is not effective against faith, or against searches
for miracles by the desperate.
 -- Dr. Michael B. Shimkin
%%
Alas! regardless of their doom,
  The little victims play;
No sense have they of ills to come,
  Nor care beyond to-day.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On a Distant Prospect of Eton College, Stanza 6
%%
Alas, should is not would.
%%
Alas, the love of women! it is known
  To be a lovely and a fearful thing.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto ii, Stanza 199
%%
Alas! The poor Tagline. I knew it well.
%%
Alas, there's not much left of the candles.  Certainly not enough to
burn.
%%
Alas! while the body stands so broad and brawny, must the soul lie
blinded, dwarfed, stupefied, almost annihilated? Alas! this was, too,
a breath of God, bestowed in heaven, but on earth never to be unfolded!
 -- Carlyle
%%
A law can give security--but the hope of a date is love.
%%
A LAW rocket beats four Aces!
%%
A law that prevents risks prevents love.
%%
A law which is not just does not seem to be law.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred
it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: "Let the
thief go first, and the executioner follow."
%%
A lawyer and a pope died on the same day, and both went to heaven.
When the pope noticed that the lawyer had a larger mansion, he
questioned Saint Peter about the allocation of rewards.  The
justification was "Well, we've had 265 popes up here, but this is the
FIRST lawyer!"
%%
A lawyer shows up at the pearly gates. St. Peter says, "Normally we don't
 let you people in here but you're in luck, we have a special this week. You
 go to hell for the length of time you were alive, then you get to come back
 up here for eternity."

 The lawyer says, "I'll take the deal."

 St. Peter says, "Good, I'll put you down for 212 years in hell ..."

 The lawyer says, "What are you talking about? I'm 65 years old!"

 St. Peter says, "Up here we go by billing hours."
 -- Orson Bean
%%
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for.
%%
A layman knows he has to kick it.; An amateur knows where to kick
it.; A professional knows how hard.
%%
Albania's export is furious political thought.
%%
Albatross, get your albatross ....
%%
Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself
or not.  Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has
a beginning and an end.  Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and
Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
Albert:  Coop, about the uniform.
Cooper:  Yes, Albert?
Albert:  Usually, replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie for the
         casual indifference of these muted earthtones is a form of fashion
         suicide.  But, call me crazy, on you it works.
 -- Agent Albert Rosenfield & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%

 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Albert Einstein was a late talker as a child. His parents were
understandably worried. finally at the supper table one evening,
He broke his silence to say, The soup is too hot. Greatly relieved,
his parents asked why he never said a word before. Young Albert
replied, Because up to now everything was in order.
 -- From 'The Little, Brown Book Of Anecdotes' by Clifton Fadiman
%%
Albert:  I performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault.  Stomach contents re-
         vealed, let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bi-
         cycle tire, a goat, and a small wooden puppet.  Goes by the name of
         Pinocchio.
Cooper:  You're making a joke!
Albert:  I like to think of myself as one of the happy generations.
 -- Agent Albert Rosenfield & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Albert's path is a strange and difficult one.
 -- Special Agent Dale Cooper, from Twin Peaks
%%
'Albert, stop telling God what to do.'
 -- Niels Bohr
%%
Albert:  You listen to _me_!  While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the
         fact is I am a nay-sayer and a hatchet man in the fight against
         violence!  I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take
         another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and
         King!  My concerns are _global_.  I reject absolutely revenge,
         aggression, and retaliation.  The foundation of such a method...
         is love.  I love you, Sheriff Truman.
Cooper:  Albert's is a strange and difficult path...
 -- Agent Albert Rosenfield & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Al Bundy - An inspiration. A role model.
%%
Alcaeus mentions Aristodemus in these lines:--
'T is money makes the man; and he who 's none
Is counted neither good nor honourable.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Thales, vii
%%
Alcibiades had a very handsome dog, that cost him seven thousand drachmas;
and he cut off his tail, "that," said he, "the Athenians may have
this story to tell of me, and may concern themselves no further with
me."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Alcibiades
%%
Alcohol can impair one's judgement and spelllling.
%%
Alcohol, Chocolate, Crisps.  Who needs food?
%%
Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions.
The surest poison is time.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Society and Solitude"
%%
[Alcoholic beverages] sloweth age, it strengtheneth youth, it helpeth
digestion, it abandoneth melancholie, it reliseth the heart, it
lighteneth the mind, it quickeneth the spirits, it keepeth and
preserveth the head from whirling, the eyes from dazzling, the tongue
from lisping, the mouth from snaffling, the teeth from chattering, and
the throat from rattling; it keepeth the stomach from wambling, the
heart from swelling, the hands from shivering, the sinews from
shrinking, the veins from crumbling, the bones from aching, and the
marrow from soaking.
 -- Anon. (13th Century)
%%
Alcoholic problems?
Yes, I can't afford it.
%%
Alcohol is good for you. My grandfather proved it irrevocably. He drank two
 quarts of booze every mature day of his life and lived to the age of 103. I
 was at the cremation--that fire would not go out.
 -- Dave Astor
%%
Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a goal.
%%
Alcohol is not a problem, until you can't get any.
%%
Alcohol kills brain cells. Brain cell: "Did you bring the oxygen?" Blood
 cell: "The oxygen? Oh boy, let's see. I was in the lungs. I headed toward
 the head. And ... I stopped to party with friends ... I just forgot." We
 take the only organ in our body that won't grow back and we kill it for
 fun!
 -- Carey Odes
%%
Alcohol prohibition didn't work; drug prohibition doesn't work; gun
prohibition won't work.
 -- Clayton E. Cramer, optilink!cramer
%%
Aldebaran's great, okay,
Algol's pretty neat,
Betelgeuse's pretty girls
Will knock you off your feet.
They'll do anything you like
Real fast and then real slow,
But if you have to take me apart to get me there
Then I don't want to go.

[Chorus]

Take me apart, take me apart,
What a way to roam
And if you have to take me apart to get me there
I'd rather stay at home.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Aldeborontiphoscophornio!
Where left you Chrononhotonthologos?
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- Chrononhotonthologos, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
ALDERMAN, n.  An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving
with a pretence of open marauding.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party
he is a leader.
 -- Harry S Truman
%%
A leader is a dealer in hope.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte, emperor of France (1769-1821)
%%
A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work
is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say, "We did this ourselves."
 -- Lao-Tse
%%
A leader leads from in front, by the power of example. A ruler pushes from
behind, by means of the club, the whip, the power of fear.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once.
 -- Frank A. Clark
%%
Alea jacta est. [The die is cast.]
 -- Gaius Julius Caesar (100-44 B.C.) after crossing the Rubicon
%%
A 'lean and hungry' gentleman just wandered through.  Finding
nothing of value, he left disgruntled.
%%
A leap year is never a good sheep year.
%%
A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.
%%
A legend in his own slime.
%%
A legend is an old man with a cane known for what he used to do. I'm
still doing it.
 -- Miles Davis (5/25/1926-1991)
%%
A legislator is to the voter as a chauffeur is to the employer.
%%
A leopard never changes his stripes.
 -- Al Gore
%%
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall....
%%
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer,
You take one
down, and pass it around, Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
%%
Aleph sub alpha is the alpha'th aleph.
%%
ALERT!  ALERT!  No, Wait!  It's TWO Lerts!
%%
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
A level 25 player casts like crazy!
%%
Alexander: "Are you my father?"
Worf: "Yes...I am your father."
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
Alexander, beating Worf's head -- "NOT the *MAMA*!!"
%%
Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and
still waiting for a dial tone.
%%
Alexander Graham Bell was a 'phoney!
%%
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that
was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Alexander: "I don't want to be a warrior!"
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
Alexander: "No, no, no, no.  That was too easy.  Computer, Level Four."
 -- "A Fistful Of Datas", Stardate unknown
%%
Alexander Portnoy does it alone.
%%
Alexander said, "I assure you I had rather excel others in the knowledge
of what is excellent, than in the extent of my power and dominion."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Alexander
%%
Alexander was wont to say, "Were I not Alexander, I would be Diogenes."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Fortune or Virtue of Alexander the Great
%%
Alexander wept when he heard from Anaxarchus that there was an infinite
number of worlds; and his friends asking him if any accident had befallen
him, he returns this answer: "Do you not think it a matter worthy
of lamentation that when there is such a vast multitude of them, we
have not yet conquered one?"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- On the Tranquillity of the Mind
%%
Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his
daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
 "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex.
     "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose.
  "That's nonsense," said the father.  "Why do you say that?"
   "Well," said Rose,"you always told us that when we die we'll see God;
so when I heard Mommy moaning last night I rushed to her bedroom and she was
screaming, "Oh God, here I come," and she would have but Uncle Jerry held her
down."
%%
Alex, I'll take "Things Only I Know" for $200.
%%
Alfafabet:  Backward letters used only on kid's clubhouse doors.
%%
Alf of Borg: All cats will be assimilated.
%%
Alfred Hitchcooking:  Stabbing frozen peas to get them to cook faster...
%%
Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking
about.
%%
Algebra? Isn't that a seaweed undergarment?
%%
Algebraists do it in groups.
%%
Algebraists do it with homomorphisms.
%%
Algebra: What the Little Mermaid wears
%%
   Algie's last letter to Lidia was written only a few days before
he died, but reached her some weeks later, as he had neglected to mark
it 'Correo Aereo'.  In this letter he reported the discovery of several
new contradictions in terms and mentioned, among other things, that
Piero della Francesca died on the same day that Columbus discovered
America, and that there is in Mexico a rat poison called The Last
Supper.  Such information is hard to come by these days; now that Algie
was gone, Lidia could not readily think of another source.
 -- Shirley Hazzard, Nothing in Excess
%%
ALGOL 60 -- An Austin Mini. Boy, that's a small car.
%%
Algol-60 surely must be regarded as the most
important programming language yet developed.
 -- T. Cheatham
%%
Algol 60 was not only an improvement on its predecessors, but also on
nearly all its successors.
 -- C. A. R. Hoare
%%
ALGOL 60 - Your father's wartime sweetheart, petite, well proportioned, and
sweet tempered.  She disappeared mysteriously during the war, but your dad
still talks about her shapely form and their steamy romance.  He never
actually tasted much of her cooking.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
ALGOL 68 - Algol 60's niece.  A high-society woman, well educated and terse.
Few men can fully understand her when she talks, and her former lovers still
discuss her mysterious personality.  She is very choosy about her romances
and won't take just any man as her lover.  She hasn't been seen lately, and
rumor has it that she died in a fall from an ivory tower.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
ALGOL 68 -- An Austin Martin. An impressive car, but not just anyone
can drive it.
%%
Algol 68 programmers do it od.
%%
Algol is not just a star
%%
Algol programmers block it out.
%%
Algol: The husband of Polygol, their missing daughter is Polygon.
%%
[Algol] was remarkable for its generality and elegance, particularly
 considering that it was designed by a committee.
 -- Bruce J. MacLennan
%%
Al Gore:  A Vulcan in desperate need of a blowjob.
%%
Al Gore for Starship Yamato engineer.
%%
Al Gore has it floored in neutral.
%%
Al Gore hugs trees.
%%
Al Gore - In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy store.
%%
Al Gore is Howdy Doody's bastard son...
%%
Al Gore is really a tree in disquise.
%%
Al Gore makes Dan Quayle look like Albert Einstein.
%%
Al Gore's new job: organizing Clinton lemon cookie sales.
%%
Al Gore: the EDLIN of Vice-Presidents.
%%
Algore: The oldest known ancestor of the Borg...
%%
algorithm -- a syncopated drum beat developed by that famous rocker,
Wilbur Algo.
%%
Algorithmic analysts do it with a combinatorial explosion.
%%
Algorithm is a set of instructions. E.g. How to use the telephone:
If 'phone not working' then 'phone operator.'
%%
Algorithm...Is that Vice-Presidential Birth Control??
%%
Algorithms + Data Structures = Programs
 -- Niklaus Wirth
%%
"Algorithms" is an anagram for "Hilt orgasm".
Maybe this explains the popularity of this field of study in computer science.
%%
ALGORITHM:
    Trendy dance for hip programmers.
%%
A liar isn't believed even when he speaks the truth.
%%
A liar must be good at remembering.
 -- Quintillian
%%
A liar should have a good memory.
 -- Quintilian (42-118 AD)
 -- Institutiones Oratoriae, i, iv, 2, 91
%%
:aliasing bug: n. A class of subtle programming errors that can
   arise in code that does dynamic allocation, esp. via
   `malloc(3)' or equivalent.  If several pointers address
   (`aliases for') a given hunk of storage, it may happen that the
   storage is freed or reallocated (and thus moved) through one alias
   and then referenced through another, which may lead to subtle (and
   possibly intermittent) lossage depending on the state and the
   allocation history of the malloc {arena}.  Avoidable by use of
   allocation strategies that never alias allocated core, or by use of
   higher-level languages, such as {LISP}, which employ a garbage
   collector (see {GC}).  Also called a {stale pointer bug}.
   See also {precedence lossage}, {smash the stack},
   {fandango on core}, {memory leak}, {memory smash},
   {overrun screw}, {spam}.

   Historical note: Though this term is nowadays associated with
   C programming, it was already in use in a very similar sense in the
   Algol-60 and FORTRAN communities in the 1960s.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
A liberal criticizes most what he understands least.
%%
A liberal is a conservative who's been arrested.  A conservative is a liberal
who's been mugged.
%%
A Liberal is a man too broad-minded to take his own side in an argument.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
A liberal is a man who leaves a room when the fight begins.
 -- Heywood Hale Broun (1888-1939)
%%
A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake, at the moment.
 -- Willis Player
%%
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist,
 and too rich to be a communist.
%%
A liberal is someone who will let you do anything so
long as they're paid to help you do it
%%
A liberal is usually a wealthy person who is able to offer others advice on
 how they should spend their money.
%%
A liberal mind is a mind that is able to imagine itself believing
anything.
 -- Max Eastman (1883-1969)
%%
A liberal's data source: A guess.
%%
A liberal's generosity is limited only by your income.
%%
A libertarian, immoral society is enticing you to excesses.  Enjoy.
%%
A library is an arsenal of liberty.
%%
A library serves no purpose unless someone is using it.
 -- Mr. Atoz of Sarpeidon, "All Our Yesterdays," stardate 5943.7.
%%
A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting
on its shoes.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.
 -- Edgar J. Mohn
%%
A lie in time saves nine.
%%
A lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one's
reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one's
master, condemned from then on to faking the sort of reality that
person's view requires to be faked ...   The man who lies to the
world is the world's slave from then on.
 -- Hank Rearden
%%
A lie is a very poor way to say hello.
 -- Edith Keeler, "The City on the Edge of Forever," stardate unknown.
%%
A Lie is still a Lie, even if you believe it.
%%
Alienation can be fun.
%%
Alienation's for the rich.
%%
A lie never lives to be old.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Acrisius, Frag. 59
%%
ALIEN INVASION IMMINENT

It now known that an alien species has been watching this planet for
several years now. They have sent their scouts ahead, who have infiltrated
much of the civilised world. Thousands upon thousands of them live in our
big cities, inconspicuously placed. They can be found on many street
corners.. watching, ever vigilant. The little green men are among us.
Hidden in our traffic lights. Our raving reporter, Arnold Psychopath,
disguised as a little green man, infiltrated a secret little green man
meeting, at the Guild Of Little Green Men Who Want To Take Over The World.
A little green man army is said to be being raised, armed with lethal
bananas. Many of the little green men present were in fact well known
politicians, scientists, other significant public figures and New Kids On
The Block.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
alien: n. a being who travels great distances to molest our cattle
       and trample our grain.
%%
ALIEN, n.  An American sovereign in his probationary state.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ALIEN SAUCER MANUFACTURES RACE OF DESTRUCTIVE SUPER-ROSENS
%%
Aliens from outer space are sleeping in my car!
%%
Aliens have invaded Earth! How else do you explain DOS?
%%
Aliens have invaded Earth! How else do you explain that?
%%
A lie should be trampled on and extinguished wherever found. I am for
fumigating the atmosphere, when I suspect that falsehood, like pestilence,
breathes around me.
 -- Carlyle
%%
A lie that can be passed off as truth becomes truth.
%%
A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
 -- Lenin
%%
A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.
 -- Alfred Alder
%%
A life lived in fear is only half lived.
 -- Spanish proverb
%%
Al, I felt the baby kick!
 -- Sam Beckett.
%%
A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a
fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.
 -- George Jean Nathan
%%
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful
  than a life spent doing nothing.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
A life spent worthily should be measured by a nobler line,--by deeds,
not years.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- Pizarro, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A lifetime is more than sufficiently long for people to get what
 there is of it wrong.
%%
A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.
%%
A lifetime of happiness!  No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on
earth.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
A life without cause is a life without effect
 -- Barbarella
%%
A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted
hearth - with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light
extinguished.
 -- Frank P. Tebbetts
%%
A life without tragedy would not be worth living.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A lighter Dark Beer is an oxymoron.
%%
A light supper, a good night's sleep and a fine morning have often
made a hero out of the same man, who, by indigestion, a restless
night and a rainy morning would have proved a coward.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
 -- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
%%
Al, I just Leaped into a tagline.  What does Ziggy say?
%%
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility
 -- Aristotle
%%
A limerick depends for its clout
On rhythm and rhyme throughout.
     It grates on the ear
  Whenever you hear
A line that shows the poet knows rhyme, but not what rhythm's about.
 -- Thane Heiner
%%
A limerick is a primitive art form; it starts with a pair o'dactyls.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
 Into space that is quite economical.
         But the good ones I've seen
         So seldom are clean,
 And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
%%
Alimony and bribes will consume a large share of your wealth.
%%
Alimony: bounty after the mutiny, the high cost of leavin
%%
ALIMONY: Corruption of Middle English "Alle ye money".
%%
Alimony is a splitting headache.
%%
Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps
paying for it.
 Peggy Joyce
%%
Alimony is having to say you're sorry once a month.
%%
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
 -- Arthur Baer
%%
Alimony is paying for something you don't get.
%%
Alimony? ...sounds kinda like "all yer money"
%%
Alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping
%%
Alimony: the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
%%
A lion among ladies is a most dreadful thing: for there is not a more
fearful wild-fowl than your lion living.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A Lisp programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
nothing.
 -- Alan J. Perlis
%%
A list is only as strong as its weakest link.
 -- Don Knuth
%%
A Lithuanian Left Handed Golfing Assoc. Board?!  (grin)
%%
A little a'disk & a little a'data...
%%
A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.
 -- Charles Suhor
%%
A little bench of heedless bishops here,
And there a chancellor in embryo.
 -- William Shenstone (1714-1763)
 -- The Schoolmistress, Stanza 28
%%
A little bit of perfume doesn't hurt you if you don't drink it.
 -- Darrell Royal
%%
A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.
 -- Norman Mailer
%%
A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.
%%
A little caution outflanks a large cavalry
 -- Bismarck
%%
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
A little dab'll do ya.
%%
A little dart shoots out at you!
%%
A little Dobbs'll do you.
 -- Emle O'Day
%%
A little dwarf just walked around a corner, saw you, threw a little
axe at you which missed, cursed, and ran away.
%%
A little dwarf with a big knife blocks your way.
%%
A little enthusiasm never hurt anybody....
%%
A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
 -- Cadman
%%
A little fire is quickly trodden out;
Which, being suffered, rivers cannot quench.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iv, Sc. 8
%%
A little flattery will support a man through great fatigue.
 -- James Monroe
%%
A little folly is desirable in him that will not be guilty of stupidity.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
A little fool is in the mind of a consistent hobgoblin.
%%
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life,
but only a fool trusts either of them.
 -- P.J. O'Rourke
%%
A little greed can get you lots of stuff.
%%
A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the wrong time.
 -- Tevye
%%
A little help contributes to a better world..
%%
A little hobgoblin fools consistent minds.
%%
A little hobgoblin is a consistently foolish mind.
%%
A little hockey is good for your health - pick me up at 8:00?
%%
A little humility is arrogance.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
A little hush money can do a lot of talking.
%%
 A little ignorance can go a long way.
 -- Gerrold's Law
%%
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
 -- Saki [H. H. Munro] (1870-1916), "The Square Egg"
%%
A little in one's own pocket is better than much in another man's purse.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
A little kindness is all you need.
%%
A little knowledge is dangerous, and boy, am I dangerous!
%%
A little LAN will do it!
%%
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
 -- Bob Edwards
%%
A little learning is a dangerous thing;
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 15
%%
A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump.
 -- New Testament
 -- Galatians v, 9
%%
A little light in his loafers.
%%
A little Madness in the Spring
Is wholesome even for the King.
 -- Emily Dickinson
%%
A little mind is the hobgoblin of consistent fools.
%%
A little month.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
A little more moderation would be good. Of course,
my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
 -- Donald Trump, in "Time", 16 January 1989
%%
A little more than kin, and less than kind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
A little neglect may breed great mischief for the want of a shah,
Iran was lost; for the want of Iran, the hostages were lost; and
for the want of the hostages, I'd be lost.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
A little neglect may breed mischief: for want of a nail the shoe was
lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; and for want of a horse
the rider was lost.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.
 -- Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
%%
A little nukie never hurt anyone.
%%
A little of a good thing can go a long way, like for example, garlic.
%%
A little of what you fancy does you good.
%%
A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah lx, 22
%%
A little philosophy inclineth man's mind to atheism, but depth in
philosophy bringeth men's minds about to religion.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Atheism
%%
A little philosophy tends to despise learning; much philosophy leads men to
esteem it.
%%
A little Prozac and a polo mallet.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
A little red button awaits to be pushed !
%%
A little retrospection shows that although many fine, useful software
systems have been designed by committees and built as part of multipart
projects, those software systems that have excited passionate fans are
those that are the products of one or a few designing minds, great
designers.  Consider Unix, APL, Pascal, Modula, the Smalltalk
interface, even Fortran; and contrast them with Cobol, PL/I, Algol,
MVS/370, and MS-DOS.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
A little revolution every now and then is good...
%%
A little round, fat, oily man of God.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Castle of Indolence, Canto i, Stanza 69
%%
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction
to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
%%
A little rule, a little sway,
A sunbeam in a winter's day,
Is all the proud and mighty have
Between the cradle and the grave.
 -- John Dyer (1700-1758)
 -- Grongar Hill, Line 88
%%
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is
 absolutely fatal.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
A little sleep is all we're losin'..It's up to us to do the chosin'-DB
%%
A little suffering is good for the soul.
 -- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver," stardate 1514.0.
%%
A little sweat never drowned anyone yet.
%%
A little thing before your eyes all the time.
(An eyelash)
%%
A little too wise, they say, do ne'er live long.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Phoenix, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
A little truth helps the lie go down.
%%
A little vagueness goes a long way in this business.
 -- Edmund G. "Pat" Brown, Jr.
%%
A little virtue will never hurt you.
 -- Piet Hein
%%
A little woman fell in love with a man 90 years old--until she made a date
 with him. She goes out with him that night, and a friend says the next
 morning, "How did you like him?" She says, "I had to slap his face three
 times!" The friend says, "Why, did he get fresh?" She said, "No, I thought
 he was dead."
 -- Mickey Katz
%%
Alive, and simply delighted!
%%
A live body and a dead body contain the same number of particles.
Structurally, there's no discernible difference.  Life and death are
unquantifiable abstracts.  Why should I be concerned?
%%
Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail ever clinking.
%%
A living dog is better than a dead lion.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes ix, 4
%%
Al Jeeter: Goes to same job every day!
%%
All a biker needs is a tight paceline, a loose groove,
and a warm place to sprint.
%%
All above
is my opinion unless
specified otherwise.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
All absolute pronouncements are incorrect.
%%
All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals.
%%
All advances by degrees in Nature, and nothing by leaps, and this
law as applied to each, is part of my doctrine of Continuity.  Although
there may exist in some other world species intermediate between Man
and the Apes, Nature has thought it best to remove them from us, in
order to establish our superiority beyond question.  I speak of intermediate
species, and by no means limit myself to those leading to Man.  I
strongly approve of the research for analogies; plants, insects, and
Comparative Anatomy will increase these analogies, especially when
we are able to take advantage of the microscope more than at present.
 -- Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, Protogaea, 1749
%%
All a green willow, willow,
All a green willow is my garland.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- The Green Willow
%%
ALLAH, n.  The Mahometan Supreme Being, as distinguished from the
Christian, Jewish, and so forth.

    Allah's good laws I faithfully have kept,
    And ever for the sins of man have wept;
        And sometimes kneeling in the temple I
    Have reverently crossed my hands and slept.
                                                         Junker Barlow
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Allah sucks and you're all a bunch of towelheads!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
All airline flights depart from the gates most distant from
the center of the terminal.
Nobody ever had a reservation on a plane that left Gate 1.
 -- Walters' Rule
%%
All airline pilots sound like Johnny Cash.
%%
All alone now, except for the memories of what we had, and what we knew.
%%
All Alone: Saul E. Terry
%%
All a MACRO hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ, a loose pair of UUOs,
and a warm place to shift.
%%
All a man can betray is his conscience.
 -- Joseph Conrad
%%
All a man needs out of life is a place to sit 'n' spit in the fire.
%%
All a man needs to be elected President is the kind of
profile that looks good on a postage stamp.
 -- B.B. Franklin
%%
All ambitions are lawful except those which climb upward on the miseries
or credulities of mankind.
 -- Joseph Conrad
%%
All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950), "Animal Farm" 1945
%%
All animals undergo perpetual transformations; which are in part
produced by their own exertions... and many of these acquired forms
or propensities are transmitted to their posterity.
 -- Erasmus Darwin, Zoonomia, 1794 (Darwin's grandfather)
%%
All answers questioned here.
%%
All are but parts of one stupendous whole,
Whose body Nature is, and God the soul.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 267
%%
All are in accord. Remorse disappears.
%%
All are more or less sick; there is not a perfectly sane man in San Francisco.
 -- John Muir
%%
All are sacred to the Lord and Lady.
%%
All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
[ all that glitters is not gold. ]
%%
All art is a revolt against man's fate.
 -- Andre Malraux, Voices of Silence
%%
All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster's autobiography.
 -- Federico Fellini
%%
All art is but imitation of nature.
 -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
All art is quite useless.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
All authority belongs to the people.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
All authority is quite degrading.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
ALL:   A witch!  A witch!
WITCH: It's a fair cop.
ALL:   Burn her!  Burn her!  Let's make her into a ladder.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
All a writer has to do to get a woman is to say he's a writer.
 It's an aphrodisiac.
%%
All babies speak Klingonese.
%%
All ballpoint pens are lost before they run out of ink.
%%
All barkers are not side show hawkers.
%%
All beginnings are difficult.
%%
All Bibles are man-made.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
%%
All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain.
A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain.
A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock and chain.
 -- Bicycle Law
%%
All bigots will be reincarnated as gay, homeless people of color!
%%
ALL bikini clad women, proceed to move to California.
%%
All biography is ultimately fiction.
%%
All bits are created equal.
%%
All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
 -- Alan Truscott
%%
All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the
earth and never return.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
All business proceeds on beliefs, or judgements or probabilities, and
not on certainties..
 -- Charles Eliot
%%
All business sagacity reduces itself in the last analysis to a judicious
 use of sabotage.
 -- Thorstein Veblen
%%
All cats are NOT gray after midnight.  Endless variety ...
%%
All censorships exist to prevent any one from challenging current
conceptions and existing institutions. All progress is initiated by
challenging current conceptions, and executed by supplanting existing
institutions. Consequently the first condition of progress is the
removal of censorships.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
All ceremonies are, in themselves, very silly things; but yet a man
of the world should know them. They are the outworks of manners and
decency, which would be too often broken in upon, if it were not
for that defense, which keeps the enemy at a proper distance. It
is for this reason that I always treat fools with great ceremony:
true good breeding not being a sufficient barrier against them.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
All change is not growth; all movement is not forward.
 -- Ellen Glasgow
%%
All changes are good.
%%
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their
 melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part
 of ourselves; we must die to one life before we
 can enter another."
 -- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
All children are morbid.   It is their one saving grace.   (Truman Capote)
%%
All Chocolate things are good, especially women!
%%
All clowns are masked, all personae flow from choices.
%%
All committee reports conclude that, "It is not prudent to change
the policy [or procedure, or organization, or whatever] at this time."
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
All computers crash at the same speed.
%%
All computers run at the same speed...  with the power off.
%%
All computers wait at the same speed.
 -- Crayne's law
%%
 All conservatives are such from personal defects.   They
have been effeminated by position or nature, born halt and blind,
through luxury of their parents, and can only, like invalids, act
on the defensive.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
All conversations with a potato should be conducted in private.
 -- Wilner's Observation
%%
All countries hate their immediate neighbors and like the next but one.
(For example, the Poles hate the Germans, Russians, Czechs, and
Lithuanians, and they like the French, Hungarians, Italians, and Latvians.)
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
All courageous animals are carnivorous, and greater courage is to
be expected in a people, such as the English, whose food is strong
and hearty, than in the half starved commonalty of other countries.
 -- Sir W. Temple
%%
All creatures must learn to coexist. That's why the brown bear and the
 field mouse can share their lives and live in harmony. Of course, they
 can't mate or the mice would explode.
 -- Betty White (in The Golden Girls)
%%
All crowd, who foremost shall be damn'd to fame.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iii, Line 158
%%
All crown, no filling.
%%
All cruelty springs from weakness.
 -- Seneca
%%
===  ALL CSH USERS PLEASE NOTE  ========================

Set the variable $LOSERS to all the people that you think are losers.  This
will cause all said losers to have the variable $PEOPLE-WHO-THINK-I-AM-A-LOSER
updated in their .login file.  Should you attempt to execute a job on a
machine with poor response time and a machine on your local net is currently
populated by losers, that machine will be freed up for your job through a
cold boot process.
%%
All dams are ugly, but the Glen Canyon Dam is sinful ugly.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
All day long the superior man is creatively active.
At nightfall his mind is beset with cares.
Danger. No blame.
%%
All day long you mutter to yourself...gibber, dribble, moan, and bang
  your head against the wall, yelling, 'I want to die!'. Now you may
  say I'm leaping to conclusions, but...you're not _completely_
  happy, are you?
 -- Kate to her father : Bells
%%
All day prospectin', and all I found wuz this funny-colored boulder.
%%
All decisions are based on insufficient evidence.
 -- Nickel Hunsenmeir
%%
All delays are dangerous in war.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Tyrannic Love, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.
 -- The RPCISPE's Eighth Universal Law
%%
All dentists must hum a medley of Barry Manilow tunes during root canal work.
%%
All diagnostics are fatal.
%%
All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.
 -- Chou En-lai (1898-1976)
%%
"All dis talk ! Vy can't ve chust climb !"
 -- John Salathe
%%
All dressed up, with nowhere to go.
 -- William Allen White
%%
All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and
thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink,
to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee.
 -- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)
%%
ALLEGIANCE, n.

    This thing Allegiance, as I suppose,
    Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose,
    Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed
    To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Allegiance To The King: Neil Downe
%%
:all-elbows: [MS-DOS] adj. Of a TSR (terminate-and-stay-resident)
   IBM PC program, such as the N pop-up calendar and calculator
   utilities that circulate on {BBS} systems: unsociable.  Used to
   describe a program that rudely steals the resources that it needs
   without considering that other TSRs may also be resident.  One
   particularly common form of rudeness is lock-up due to programs
   fighting over the keyboard interrupt.  See {rude}, also
   {mess-dos}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
All electronic components have smoke inside them, once this is released
they will cease to function.
%%
All elevated thinking ends in a sigh.
%%
All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP.
%%
All exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
%%

all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
 -- Cher
%%
All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world.
 -- Tennyson
%%
All extremes are error.  The reverse of error is not truth, but error still. 
Truth lies between extremes.
 -- Cecil
%%
All extremists should be taken out and shot.
%%
All fantasy should have a solid base in reality.
 -- Sir Max Beerbohm
%%
All files, papers, memos, etc.,
that you save will never be needed until such time as they are disposed of,
when they will become essential and indispensable.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
All five second fuzes will burn down in three seconds.
%%
All flesh is grass.
 -- Isaiah
Smoke a friend today.
%%
All flesh is grass.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xl, 6
%%
All food must be removed from this refrigerator on Friday for cleaning.
%%
All forgiveness is a gift to yourself.
%%
All forms of government are pernicious, including good government.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
All for one and every man for himself.
%%
All for one and one for ONE!
%%
All for one; one for all, except me above all.
%%
=============== ALL FRESHMEN PLEASE NOTE ===============
To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to
afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen
to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute,
there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
%%
All Gaul is divided into three parts: igneous, metamorphic, and sedimentary.
 -- Geologist Wilson Hinckley
%%
 All generalizations are bad.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
 -- Corollary: All statements must be specific.
%%
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.
 -- Alexandre Dumas
%%
All generalizations are dangerous, perhaps even this one. There are
 exceptions to the rule, but this does not appear to be one of them.
%%
All Generalizations Are False, Generally!
%%
All generalizations are useless, including this one.
%%
All generalizations stink.
%%
All general statements are false, except this one.
%%
All general statements are false.
 -- The Ultimate Law (R. H. Grenier)
%%
All go down the hooooooole.
 -- Baby Plucky.
%%
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact,
 barely presentable. The most common error made in matters of appearance is
 the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty
 of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is
 a possibility, you are not attractive--you are leaking.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
All gods have feet of clay.
%%
All gold is fool's gold.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they
had really happened.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
...all good growth is slow growth.
 --  William J. Gaynor (1849-1913), American Politician
%%
All good management is the expression of one great idea.
%%
All good things are wild, and free.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
All Good Things Come In Numbers . . .
%%
All good things must come to an end.
%%
All good things which exist are the fruits of originality.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
All government,--indeed, every human benefit and enjoyment, every
virtue and every prudent act,--is founded on compromise and barter.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 169
%%
All government programs have three things in common: a beginning,
a muddle, and no end.
%%
All Governments, including the worst on earth and the most tyrannical on
earth, are free Governments to that portion of the people who voluntarily
support them.
 -- Lysander Spooner
%%
All governments need enemies. How else to justify their existence?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
All governments require enemy governments.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
All governments thieve, some just steal less
%%
All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
 -- Young's Law
The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
 -- Corollary
%%
All great friendships start with a small act of spontaneity.
%%
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
%%
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Annajanska"
%%
All growth depends upon activity.  There is no development physically
or intellectually without effort, and effort means work.
 -- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
%%
All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous, unpremedited act
without the benefit of experience.
 -- Henry Miller, writer
%%
All guns are loaded.
%%
ALL HAIL THE WIZZARD!!!
%%
All hammer, no nail.
%%
All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.
 -- John Gunther
%%
All hat and no cattle.
%%
All heiresses are beautiful.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
%%
All hell broke loose.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 918
%%
All hell shall stir for this.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
All hierarchies contain administrators and managers, and they tend
to appear at alternating levels in the hierarchy.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
All his faults observed,
Set in a note-book, learn'd, and conn'd by rote.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
All his life he has looked away... to the horizon, to the sky,
to the future.  Never his mind on where he was, on what he was doing.
 -- Yoda
%%
All his successors gone before him have done 't; and all his ancestors
that come after him may.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
All history shows that every man who has authority is led to abuse it;
 he does not stop until he comes up against limitations...Things must be
    so arranged that one authority checks another.
 -- Montesquieu
%%
All hockey players are equal, except some can SHOOT harder than others.
%%
All hockey players are equal, except some SCORE more often than others.
%%
All hope abandon, ye who bounced lots of checks!
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enjoy tax forms.
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.
%%
All hope abandon, ye who press ENTER here.
%%
All horses in Ft. Lauderdale must have horns and taillights.
%%
All human acts involve more chance than decision.
%%
All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of confirming
more and more strongly the truths that come from on high and are
contained in the sacred writings.
 -- John F. Herschel
%%
All human history attests
That happiness for man,--the hungry sinner!--
Since Eve ate apples, much depends on dinner.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xiii, Stanza 99
%%
All human life ends when you take a "dirt nap."
%%
All human race, from China to Peru,
Pleasure, howe'er disguis'd by art, pursue.
 -- Thomas Warton (1728-1790)
 -- Universal Love of Pleasure
%%
All humans are subject to decay.
%%
All human wisdom is summed up in two words -- wait and hope.
 -- Alexandre Dumas the Elder
%%
All humor is derrived from pain, ergo nothing in Heaven is funny.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
ALLIANCE, n.  In international politics, the union of two thieves who
have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they
cannot separately plunder a third.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that
money doesn't buy happiness.
%%
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
%%
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own
 importance.
%%
All I ask of my body is that it carry around my head.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison
%%
"All I can say is that if, whenever you are asked where you live, you seize
yourself by the throat and start choking, it is apt to cause comment"
 -- R. Hull
%%
All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
 by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
... All ideas need to be heard, because each idea contains one aspect of the
truth. By examining that aspect, we add to our own idea of the truth. Even
ideas that have no truth in them whatsoever are useful because by disproving
them, we add support to our own ideas.
 -- John Stuart Mill, "On Liberty"
%%
All I ever think of is hex.
%%
ALLIGATOR, n.  The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to
the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.  Herodotus
says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces
crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the
other rivers.  From the notches on his back the alligator is called a
sawrian.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Alligators have the right idea. They eat their young.
 -- Eve Arden (in Mildred Pierce)
%%
All I have to do is imagine, and I am in dreamland.
%%
All I hear is diet, diet and more diet. If I wanted to lose weight I'd go
 to a regular paint store, since most of these places sell thinner.
%%
All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard,
 ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
 -- Kingfish
%%
All I know is there's somethin' funny about this blood...
%%
All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
 -- Samuel Beckett
%%
All I know of love is that Love is all there is.
 -- Emily Dickinson
%%
All impediments in fancy's course
Are motives of more fancy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
All in all, I'd rather be in Tumwater.
%%
All in all, I'd rather be moose hunting.
%%
All in all, the fishing was Crappie...
%%
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
%%
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
 -- Young's Law of Inanimate Mobility
%%
All I need is a Tall Ship and a star to steer by . . .
%%
All I need is a Wave and a board to surf it on.
%%
All I need is hard wind, a 3.5 sq. meter sail, and an attitude.
%%
All I need is some peace & Quiet. If I got a piece I'd be quiet:-)
%%
All I need to know I learned from my cat.
%%
All in favor of telekinesis, raise my hands.
%%
All in favor say aye.
%%
All information should be free.
 -- Steven Levy
%%
All innovation is accomplished by lazy people who were tired of
doing things the hard way.
%%
All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is
only to try to think them again.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
All interference in human conduct has the potential for causing harm-
no matter how innocuous the procedure.
%%
All in the Downs the fleet was moor'd.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Sweet William's Farewell to Black-eyed Susan
%%
All in the valley of death
  Rode the six hundred.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Charge of the Light Brigade, Stanza 1
%%
All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how
to be I learned in kindergarten.  Remember the Dick-and-Jane books
and the first word you learned--the biggest word of all--look.
 -- Robert Fulghum
%%
All I really want in life is a piece and some quiet.
%%
All is but lip wisdom which wants experience.
 -- Sir Philip Sydney
%%
All is concentr'd in a life intense,
Where not a beam, nor air, nor leaf is lost,
But hath a part of being.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 89
%%
All is ephemeral,--fame and the famous as well.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 35
%%
All is fear in love and war.
%%
All is fish that comth to net.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
All is flux, nothing stays still.
 -- Heraclitus (540?-480? B.C.)
%%
All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds.
%%
All "isms" are really "wasms".
%%
All is not gold that glisteneth.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- A Fair Quarrel, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
All is not gold that glisters.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
All is not Gospell that thou doest speake.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. ii
%%
All is One? But One is so Many!
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
All is said and done, people keep saying and doing.
%%
All is true given the right premises.
%%
All is vanity and vexation of spirit.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes i, 14
%%
All is well that endes well.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
All I've got left on the list of desirable vocations is heiress to the
throne of any country in Western Europe and Laurie Anderson.  "Be
practical", was the choral reply from the dinner table.  Well, Laurie
Anderson is already Laurie Anderson, but I read an article in Harpers
that said there were eleven countries, in the world this is I think,
that have queens as sovereign rulers.  That's probably my best shot.
%%
All i wanna do, I wanna zoom zoom zoom...
%%
All I want for Christmas is a box of Smurfs and a mallet.
%%
All I want for Christmas is a dead Jim Kirk!
%%
All I want for Christmas is Santa's list of naughty girls
%%
All I want is a hot woman, cold beer and unlimited power.
%%
All I want is a LITTLE more than I can spend!
%%
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
All I want is the same as everyone: Why am I here, and for how long?
%%
All I want is the truth.
%%
All I want to know is: WHY ME?
%%
All I was doing was appealing for an endorsement, not suggesting you
endorse it.
 -- President George Bush, on his economic growth
 -- proposal, speaking to Colorado Governor Roy Romer
%%
All jargon of the schools.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- I am that I am, An Ode
%%
All jobs are easy to the person who doesn't have to do them.
 -- Holt's Law
%%
All jobs require at least one extra visit to the DIY centre.
%%
All jokes copyrighted.  Please send 50 cents for each use
%%
All kings is mostly rapscallions.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
All kin' o' smily round the lips,
  An' teary round the lashes.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin'
%%
All knowledge is contained in fandom
%%
All last year we tried to teach him English, and the only word he learned
 was million.
 -- Tommy Lasorda, on pitcher Fernando Valenzuela
%%
All laws are basically false.
 -- Larkinson's Law
%%
All laws are simulations of reality.
 -- John C. Lilly
%%
All laws, whether good, bad, or indifferent, must be obeyed to the
letter.
%%
All lawyers should be shot.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
All learned, and all drunk!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 478
%%
All left-handed people, please raise your right hand!
%%
All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities.
 -- Dawkins
%%
All life is a conjugation of the verb "to eat"
%%
All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Experience"
%%
All life is barriers. All growth is the transcendence of barriers. It's the
dividing line that makes everything possible. Without it, there's nothing but
soup.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
All life is based on death. Nothing exists except by feeding on something else.
Even photosynthesis depends on the heat-death of the sun. Humanity is not
exempt. Embalming doesn't cheat the worms, it cheats the system. But only
temporarily.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
All little girls were born to become women.
All little boys were born with the hope of becoming men.
%%
All looks yellow to a jaundiced eye.
%%
"All Lord Julius demands is total and complete obedience
and more money every time we pay him.  He's being quite
reasonable, really..."
 -- Cerebus
%%
All lovers swear more performance than they are able, and yet reserve
an ability that they never perform; vowing more than the perfection
of ten, and discharging less than the tenth part of one.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
All machines are amplifiers.
 -- Cooper's Law
%%
All mailwomen have perfect posture.
%%
All major bugs in a software project will turn up five minutes
before it is due.
 -- Murphy's Eleventh Law of Programming
%%
All major production changes will be requested when assembly is nearly
complete.
 -- The RPCISPE's Ninth Universal Law
%%
All-male club--Homeless street men!
%%
All mankind is divided into three classes:  those that are
immovable, those that are moveable, and those that move.
 -- Arabic proverb
%%
All mankind love a lover.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
All marriages are happy - it's the living together afterwards
 that causes all the trouble.
%%
All marriages are mixed marriages.
 -- Chantal Saperstein
%%
All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn
the art of making love.  Good battle is objective and honest - never
vicious or cruel.  Good battle is helthy and constructive, and brings
to a marriage the principles of equal partnership.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
All Marxists, basically, are reactionaries, yearning for the Oriental
 despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded
 the rise of self-consciousness and egoism.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson, writing as Justin Case.
%%
All math classes begin at 8 AM; also, movies on Federal Government.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
All mathematics are trivial.
 -- Mike Roddy
%%
All mathochists suffer from calculust.
%%
All may yet be very well, Bob.
%%
All men are born equal.  The tough job is to outgrow it.
%%
All men are born naked.
 -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
All men are brothers.
 -- Kirk, "Bread and Circuses," stardate 4040.9.
%%
All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
All men are created equal.  All women are created superior.
%%
All men are created equal, but some must be sent to Siberia.
%%
All men are created unequal.
 --  Lazarus Long
%%
All men are different, but husbands are all alike.
%%
All men are free of other men's good.
 -- Proverb
%%
All men are like Arabs.
%%
            All men are poets at heart
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
            All poets are mad
 -- Robert Burton
%%
All men are rapists and that's all they are.  They rape us with their eyes,
 their laws and their codes.
%%
All men can be lead to believe the lie they want to believe.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
All men can be reached by flattery, even God can (what, after all, is prayer?).
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
   All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty
     recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but
    the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream
    with open eyes, to make it possible.
 -- T. E. Lawrence _The Seven Pillars of Wisdom_
%%
All men have their price.
 -- commonly ascribed to Sir Robert Walpole (1676-1745)
%%
All men have the right to wait in line.
 -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
All men know the utility of useful things;
but they do not know the utility of futility.
 -- Chuang-tzu
%%
All men look like geeks for a period of 72 hours following a haircut.
%%
All men possess in their bodies a poison which acts upon serpents;
and the human saliva, it is said, makes them take to flight, as though
they had been touched with boiling water. The same substance, it is
said, destroys them the moment it enters their throat.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 15
%%
All men profess honesty as long as they can.
To believe all men honest would be folly.
To believe none so is something worse.
 -- John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
%%
All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from,
 and to, and why.
 -- James Thurber
%%
All men that are ruined, are ruined on the side of their natural propensities.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France,
 -- Letter i, On a Regicide Peace, Vol. v, p. 286
%%
All men think all men mortal but themselves.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 424
%%
All men who have turned out
worth anything have had
the chief hand in their
own education.
 -- Sir Walter Scott-
%%
All military type firearms are to be handed in immediately... The SS,
SA and Stahlhelm give every respectable German man the opportunity of
campaigning with them.   Therefore anyone who does not belong to one of
the above named organisations and who unjustifiably nevertheless keeps
his weapon... must be regarded as an enemy of the national government.
 -- SA Oberfuhrer of Bad Tolz, March, 1933.
%%
All mimsy were the borogoves.
%%
All missile, no warhead.
%%
All moderation should be done in MODERATION!
%%
All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called
Huckleberry Finn. American writting comes from that. There was nothing
before. There has been nothing as good since.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
 -- The Green Hills of Africa, Ch. 1
%%
All modern men are descended from a wormlike creature, but it shows more on
 some people.
 -- Will Cuppy
%%
All modern thought is permeated by the idea of thinking the unthinkable:
 -- Michel Foucault
%%
All monsters are created evil, but some are more evil than others.
%%
All most people want is a little more than they'll ever get.
%%
All movements go too far.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us
 sane.
%%
All my friends are dead. My pet spider, Sammy. Katy the worm, Bertie
  the bird. Everyone except Neville the Fat Hamster.
I'm afraid Neville bought it too, Baldrick. I'm sorry.
Neville gone, sir?
...Actually not quite _gone_, he's in the corner, bunging up the
  sink.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Goodbyeee...
%%
All my friends are getting married,
Yes, they're all growing old,
They're all staying home on the weekend,
They're all doing what they're told.
%%
All my friends would ask me where it's all leading to...
%%
All my good taglines are one character too lon
%%
All my good tag lines are on my other computer.
%%
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.
 Now I see that I should have been more specific.
 -- Jane Wagner, _The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe_
 -- [Performed by Lily Tomlin]
%%
All my troubles seem so far away.
%%
    All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian,
      or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up
     to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
All nations and kindreds and tongues.
 -- New Testament
 -- Revelation vii, 9
%%
All nature is but art, unknown to thee;
All chance, direction, which thou canst not see;
All discord, harmony not understood;
All partial evil, universal good;
And spite of pride, in erring reason's spite,
One truth is clear, Whatever is, is right.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 289
%%
All Nature's wildness tells the same story: the shocks and outbursts of
earthquakes, volcanoes, geysers, roaring , thundering waves and floods, the
silent uproot of sap in plants, storms of every sort, each and all, are the
orderly, beauty-making love-beats of Nature's heart.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
All Nature wears one universal grin.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
ALL new, innovative technologies travel a sinusoidal market curve
of excitement (hype), disappointment over perceived problems
and rounds of progress and roadblocks.
 -- from a Gartner report by J. Baylock and G. Sundt
%%
All newspaper editorial writers ever do is come down from the hills
after the battle is over and shoot the wounded.
 -- Anonymous
%%
ALL NEW ............ The software is not compatible with previous versions
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
All numbers are totally irrelevant, unless you're doing Astrophysics.
%%
All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
%%
All obvious theorems are true.
 -- Pommersheim's Principle
 All true theorems are obvious.
 -- Keane's Kriterion
%%
All of Adventuredom gives tribute to you, Adventurer Grandmaster!
%%
All of a sudden I noticed she was saying my daughter, my son, my silver, my
 furniture, my house, and your friends, your troubles, your worries, your
 problems, and your fault.
 -- H. Martin
%%
All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER,
 grow a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!!
 ...  Although I don't know WHY!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
All of Finagle's Rules may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
without thinking.
 -- Wingo's Axiom
%%
All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
All of life is a war.
%%
All of our best and oldest legends recognize that time
 passes and that people grow old and die.
 -- Alan Moore, The Dark Knight Returns
%%
All of our institutions must now turn their full intention
to the great task ahead
 -- to humanize our lives and thus to humanize our society.
 -- James Perkins
%%
All of the animals excepting man know that the principal business of
life is to enjoy it.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
All of the books in the world contain no more information than is
 broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year.
 Not all bits have equal value.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
All of the chaos makes perfect sense.
%%
All of the people in my building are insane.  The guy above me designs
synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.  The lady across the hall tried to rob a
department store...with a pricing gun...She said, "Give me all of the money in
the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
All of the sensor screens show the same thing -- endless stars and a
vast void of nothingness.  A small status indicator reads "Condition
green".
%%
All of the stars are to be found only up in the sky.
%%
All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
 -- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
%%
All of us could take a lesson from the weather, it pays no attention
to criticism.
 -- North DeKalb Kiwanis Club Beacon
%%
All of us have mortal bodies, composed of perishable matter, but the
soul lives forever:  it is a portion of the Deity housed in our bodies.
 -- Flavius Josephus
%%
All of us learn to write in the second grade.  Most of us go on
  to greater things.
 -- Bobby Knight
%%
All of us who are worth anything, spend our manhood in unlearning the
follies, or expiating the mistakes of our youth.
 -- Shelley
%%
 "All of you out there who believe in telepathy, raise your hand."
 "All right. Now, everyone who believes in telekinesis...raise MY hand."
 -- Dennis Owens
%%
All On-Line readers, press the un-documented ALT-H combination now...
%%
All opinions expressed are mine. Never mind who I work for.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
All opinions expressed herein are my own and
not those  of my company,  unless explicitly
stated. Permission is hereby granted for use
in follow-up articles, FAQ's and digests.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
All other boards have no RIME or reason...
%%
All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
the United States.
 -- Vic Gold
%%
All our actions take their hues from the complexion of the heart.
As landscapes their variety from light.
 -- W. T. Bacon
%%
 All our answering machines are busy.  Please hold.  (Pause.)
 All our answering machines are...  (CLICK)  This is the
 answering machine of...
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
All our geese are swans.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 14
%%
All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions.
 -- Leonardo da Vinci
%%
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death
than the animals that know nothing.
 -- Maurice Maeterlinck
%%
All our taglines are busy Sir. One will be with you shortly...
%%
All over the place, from the popular culture to the propaganda system,
there is constant pressure to make people feel that they are helpless,
that the only role they can have is to ratify decisions and to consume.
 -- Noam Chomsky
%%
Allowing for seasonal adjustments, things are actually getting better.
%%
Allow me to congratulate you sir.   You have the most totally
closed mind that I've ever encountered.
 -- Pertwee Doctor, FRONTIER IN SPACE
%%
Allow no man to be so free with you as to praise you to your face.  Your
vanity by this means will want its food.  At the same time your passion
for esteem will be more fully gratified; men will praise you in their
actions: where you now receive one compliment, you will then receive
twenty civilities.
 -- Steele
%%
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
 -- Aristotle
%%
All papers after the top are upside-down or backwards, until
you right the pile. Then the process repeats.
 -- Vile's Law of Grading Papers
%%
All parts should go together without forcing.  You must remember that the
parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you.  Therefore, if you
can't get them together again, there must be a reason.      By all means, do
not use a hammer.
 -- IBM maintenance manual (1925)
%%
All passions that suffer themselves to be relished and digested are
but moderate.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. ii, Of Sorrow
%%
All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
All people are not people friendly!!!!
%%
All people smile in the same language.
%%
All people walk through life, some always looking back, others always looking
forward. I always look upward.
 -- Sly
%%
All perception is inferential; all inference uncertain; all theory,
 a combination of perception an inference, is therefore educated guessing.
 -- de Selby, _Golden Hours_, I, 93
%%
All perfect republics are perfect nonsense. The craving to risk death is
our last great perversion. We come from night, we go into night. Why live
in night?
 -- John Fowles, The Magus
%%
All persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental, and should not be
construed.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut
%%
ALL: petroleum.  "They found all on mah land!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
All philosophy lies in two words: sustain and abstain.
 -- Epictetus
%%
All phone calls are obscene.
 -- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
%%
"All pitchers are liars and crybabies."
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
All places are distant from heaven alike.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 4
%%
All places that the eye of heaven visits
Are to a wise man ports and happy havens.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
All planet leave is cancelled.  I've just had an unhappy love affair, so I
don't see why anyone else should have a good time.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
All plumed like estridges that with the wind
Baited like eagles having lately bathed;
Glittering in golden coats, like images;
As full of spirit as the month of May,
And gorgeous as the sun at midsummer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
All poets are mad.
 -- Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy
%%
All policy interventions in social problems produce the intended effect, if
the research is carried out by those implementing the policy or their friends.
 -- James Q. Wilson
%%
All politics is based on the indifference of the majority.
%%
All possibility of understanding is rooted in the ability to say no.
 -- Susan Sontag
%%
All power rests on hierarchy: An army is nothing but a well-organized lynch
mob.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
ALL PRICES INCLUDE POSTAGE IN THE U.S.
%%
All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
 -- Colvard's Logical Premises
This is especially true when dealing with someone you're attracted to.
 -- Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
 -- Grelb's Commentary
%%
All problems, personal, national, or combat, become smaller if you
don't dodge them, but confront them.  Touch a thistle timidly, and it
pricks you; grasp it boldly, and its spines crumble.  Carry the battle to
the enemy!  Lay your ship alongside his!
 -- William F. (Bull) Halsey (1882-1959)
%%
All professions are conspiracies against the laity.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
All programers are optimists.
%%
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
%%
All programmers want arrays!
%%
All progress is based upon the universal innate desire on the part of
every organism to live beyond its income.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
All propositions are true in some sense, false in some sense and
meaningless in some sense.
 -- Hagbard Celine H.M. S.H.
%%
All prosperity begins in the mind and is dependent only on the full
use of our creative imagination.
 -- Ruth Ross
%%
ALL-PURPOSE EXCUSE:It seemed like a good idea at the time.
%%
All reality is aspect dependent.
%%
All real programs contain errors until proved otherwise,
which is impossible.
 -- Tom Gibb
%%
All red-haired guys are good golfers.
%%
"All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness
of the few."
 -- Stendhal
%%
All religions are real for the believer.
%%
All religions have in common the periodical childlike surrender to a Provider
or providers who dispense earthly fortune as well as spiritual health; some
demonstrations of man's smallness by means of reduced posture and humble
gesture, the admission in prayer and song of misdeeds, of misthoughts, and
of evil intentions; fervent appeal for inner unification by divine guidance;
and finally, the insight that individual trust must become part of the ritual
practice of man, and must become a sign of trustworthiness in the community.
 -- psychologist Erik Erikson
%%
All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most
injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
%%
All resistance is useless.
 -- Cyberleader, The Moonbase
%%
All revolutions have failed? Perhaps. But rebellion for good cause is self-
justifying--a good in itself. Rebellion transforms slaves into human beings,
if only for an hour.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
All riches come from iniquity, and unless one has lost, another cannot
gain.  Hence that common opinion seems to be very true, "the rich man is
unjust, or the heir to an unjust one."        Opulence is always the result of
theft, if not committed by the actual possessor, than by his
predecessor.
 -- St. Jerome (340?-420)
%%
All right! Another Earthquake.
%%
All right.  But don't blame me if something goes wr......
                     --- POOF!! ---
You are engulfed in a cloud of orange smoke.  Coughing and gasping,
you emerge from the smoke and find....
%%
All Right! Drop Your Carrier! We have You Surrounded!
%%
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
All right, go lie upon the beach, To bake beyond the water's reach;
But if you're blistered when you quit, Remember that you basked for it.
 -- Anthony B. Lake
%%
All right, have it your way--you heard a seal bark!
%%
All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather
 fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?
%%
All right, no more Mr. Nice Pope!
%%
All right, pilgrim. This is between you and me!
 -- A. Hamilton
%%
All right, set phasers to deep fat fry!
%%
All right. (shouting) THE CHURCH POLICE !!
%%
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
%%
All right, we're in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no
 light sources or infravision...Hey, I know!!  Let's yell and scream a lot so
 we can locate each other by sound!!
%%
All right, who cut the cheese?
%%
All right, who hid the keyboard?
%%
All right, who's been cooking hot dogs in the Warp Drive?
%%
All right! Who's been putting pita bread in the disk drive?
%%
All right.... who siphoned the blood out of my cat?
%%
All right, who stole my Shatner Turbo 2000?
%%
All right, you degenerates!  I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"All right, you worthless _vermin_!  No more Mister Nice Pope!"
 -- Cerebus
%%
All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet..
%%
All rising to a great place is by a winding stair.
%%
All rivers flow into the sea, for it is lower than they;
Humility is what gives it its strength.
%%
All Roads Lead to Amber...
 -- Roger Zelazny
%%
All Roads Lead to Rome.
%%
All roads lead to Trantor, and that is where all stars end.
%%
All rules have exceptions-except the ones that don't.
%%
All say, 'How hard it is to die' - a strange complaint
 to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
All science is concerned with the relationship of cause and effect.
Each scientific discovery increases man's ability to predict the
consequences of his actions and thus his ability to control future events.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
 -- E. Rutherford (who later won a Nobel prize in Chemistry)
%%
All scientific discoveries are first recorded on napkins or tablecloths.
Engineering advances are drawn inside matchbook covers.  Keep supplies
of them handy at all times.
%%
All Scottish food is based on a dare.
%%
All seems condemned in the long run
to approximate a state akin to Gaussian noise.
 -- James Martin
%%
All seems infected that th' infected spy,
As all looks yellow to the jaundic'd eye.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 358
%%
All sensible people are selfish, and nature is tugging at every contract
to make the terms of it fair.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Conduct of Life"
%%
All sentences that seem true should be questioned.
%%
All seriousness aside....
%%
All serious writers want the obvious rewards: fame, money, women, love--and
most of all, an audience!
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
All service ranks the same with God,--
With God, whose puppets, best and worst,
Are we: there is no last nor first.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Pippa Passes, Part iv
%%
All's fair in love and war - What a contemptible lie.
%%
All ships will be in a holding pattern till further notice.
%%
All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
 hands.
 -- Saint Patrick
%%
All societies are based on rules to protect pregnant women and young children.
%%
All societies are based on rules to protect pregnant women and young children.
All else is surplusage, excrescence, adornment, luxury, or folly which can -
and must - be dumped in emergency to preserve this prime function.  As racial
survival is the only universal morality, no other basic is possible.  Attempts
to formulate a "perfect society" on any other foundation other than "Women and
children first!" is not only witless, it is automatically genocidal.
Nevertheless, starry-eyed idealists (all of them male) have tried endlessly-
and no doubt will keep on trying.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
All solutions breed new problems.
%%
All, soon or late, are doom'd that path to tread.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xii, Line 31
%%
All sorrows can be borne if you tell a story about them.
 -- Karen Blixen
%%
  All statements contained herein may be accurate, but might also be carefully
           designed lies intended to induce an angry response.
 -- Mike Chapman, mike@hopper.acs.virginia.edu
%%
All stressed out, and no one to choke.
%%
All students who obtain a B will feel cheated out of an A.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
All such expressions as SQRT(-1), SQRT(-2) ... are neither nothing,
nor greater than nothing, nor less than nothing, which necessarily
constitutes them imaginary or impossible.
 -- L. Euler
%%
All sunshine makes the desert.
 -- Arab Proverb
%%
All sweet things have one thing in common ... a tendency to make you sick.
 -- Soolin
%%
All's well that ends.
%%
All's well that ends well.
 -- E. A. Poe
%%
All's well that ends well....
 -- William Shakespeare
 -- All's Well That Ends Well
%%
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
%%
All sysops are not user friendly!
%%
All taglines guaranteed to be random or your money back!
%%
All technology expands the space, contracts the time, and destroys
the working group.
 -- Eugene Rosenstock-Huessy
%%
All television is children's television.
 -- Richard P. Adler
%%
All tenantless, save to the crannying wind.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 47
%%
All tends irreversibly towards Chaos.
 -- Second Law of Thermodynamics
%%
All that a city will ever allow you is an angle on it -- an oblique,
indirect sample of what it contains, or what passes through it; a
point of view.
 -- Peter Conrad, from the _Guardian_ (UK newspaper)
%%
All that a man hath will he give for his life.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job ii, 4
%%
All that glisters is not gold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
All that glisters is not gold.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
All That Glitters Has A Highly Reflective Coating On It!
%%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%%
All that glitters is not gold. All that doesn't glitter isn't either.
%%
All that happens is as usual and familiar as the rose in spring and
the crop in summer.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 44
%%
All that is gold does not glitter,
     Nor all those who wander are lost;
   The old that is strong does not wither,
     Deep roots are not touched by the frost.
 -- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
 -- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
All that is harmony for thee, O Universe, is in harmony with me as
well. Nothing that comes at the right time for thee is too early or
too late for me. Everything is fruit to me that thy seasons bring,
O Nature. All things come of thee, have their being in thee, and return
to thee.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 23
%%
All that is human must retrograde if it do not advance.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (1776), Chap. lxxi
%%
All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and
man is at last compelled to face with sober senses his real conditions
of life, and his relations with his kind.
 -- Communist Manifesto
%%
All that lives must die,
Passing through nature to eternity.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
All that 's bright must fade,--
  The brightest still the fleetest;
All that 's sweet was made
  But to be lost when sweetest.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- All that 's Bright must fade
%%
All that's known is not told.
%%
All that time is lost which might be better employed.
 -- Jean Jacques Rousseau
%%
All that tread
The globe are but a handful to the tribes
That slumber in its bosom.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- Thanatopsis
%%
"All that was meant to bore you shitless."
 -- I. Goulden Combinatorics and Optimization 230
%%
All that was new in them was false and what was true was old.
 -- Opinion of Darwin's findings
%%
All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
 -- Buddha
%%
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
 -- Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849)
%%
All the argentinians swarmed around him - most of all Maradona.
%%
All the baby birds are dead.
%%
All the beauty of the world, 't is but skin deep.
 -- Ralph Venning (c. 1621-1673)
 -- Orthodoxe Paradoxes, (Third edition, 1650) The Triumph of Assurance, p. 41
%%
All the best, Bob.
%%
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can,
too, provided you use them for business purposes.  For example, if you
subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you
can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S.
Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax
decision: "Where else are you going to read the paper?  Outside?  What
if it rains?"
 -- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
%%
All the Borg left were these self-sealing stembolts.
%%
All the brothers were valiant, and all the sisters virtuous.
 -- From the inscription on the tomb of the Duchess of Newcastle
 -- in Westminster Abbey
%%
All the cops in the donut shops say 'way-oh, way-oh'.
%%
All the evidence concerning the universe
has not yet been collected, so there's still hope.
%%
All the ferret tags in my humble collection follow...
%%
All the girls around you say "You got it coming",
 but you get it while you can.
%%
All the gnu's wee feet leave prints.
%%
...all the good computer designs are bootlegged; the formally planned products,
if they are built at all, are dogs!
 -- David E. Lundstrom, A Few Good Men From Univac, MIT Press, 1987
%%
All the good stuff at the right price
 -- National Lumber.
%%
All the knowledge in the world is found within you.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
All the kookies are not in the jar.
%%
All the learned and authentic fellows.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
All the lights are frozen; The cursor blinks blandly. Soon, I shall
see the dump.
%%
All the lights don't shine in her marquis.
%%
    All the limitative Theorems of metamathematics and the
theory of computation suggest that once the ability to
represent your own structure has reached a certain critical
point, that is the kiss of death: it guarantees that you can
never represent yourself totally.  Godel's Incompleteness
Theorem, Church's Undecidability Theorem, Turing's Halting
Problem, Tarski's Truth Theorem-- all have the flavour of some
ancient fairy tale which warns you that "To seek self-
knowledge is to embark on a journey which . . . will always be
incomplete, cannot be charted on a map, will never halt,
cannot be described."
 -- Douglas R. Hofstadter
%%
All the little things you and I understand and expect from life, such
  as:  equality; kindness; justice ...
 -- Spock, "The Cloud Minders," stardate 5818.4.
%%
All the magick of creation exists within a single, tiny seed.
 -- Magi
%%
All the men present and correct, sir. ALl ready for the off, eh?
I'm afraid not, Lieutenant, I'm just off to Hartlepool to buy
  some exploding trousers.
I beg your pardon, sir? Have you gone barking mad?
Yes, Lieutenant, I have. Cluck cluck gibber gibber my old man's
  a mushroom...etc...etc...
 -- George and Edmund : Goodbyeee...
%%
All the modern inconveniences ...
 -- Mark Twain
%%
All the news that fits, we print.
 -- Alfred E. Newman
%%
All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988)
%%
All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British
manufacture."
 -- Bumper sticker
%%
All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
ridiculous ones.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
All the people are so happy now, their heads are caving in.   I'm glad they
 are a snowman with protective rubber skin.
 -- They Might Be Giants
%%
All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
All the personality of linoleum flooring / plasticene / putty /
%%
All the plants in my house are dead---I shot them last night.  I was teasing
 them by watering them with ice cubes.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
All the Poles were in the right half of the plane.
%%
All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
 -- Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an
 unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
 -- Pat Paulsen
%%
All the prophets of doom can always find room in a world full of worry
 and fear: tipped cigarettes, and chemistry sets, and Rudolf the Red
 Nosed Reindeer.
 -- Raymond Scum
%%
All the really good ideas I ever had came to me
while I was milking a cow.
 -- Grant Wood
%%
All the reporters ask me about my failures.  Are they kidding? There
are no failures.  Failure?  Failure isn't in my vocabulary.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full.
 -- Ecclesiastes, i, 7
%%
All the science in Star Trek is consistent and correct.
%%
All these black people are screwing up my democracy.
 -- Ian Smith
%%
    All the secrets we may be able to keep from any and every
god and human being do not in the least absolve us from the
obligation to refrain from whatever actions are greedy,
unjust, sensual, or otherwise immoderate.
 -- Cicero, On Duties
%%
All these woes shall serve
For sweet discourses in our time to come.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
All the sex and twice the violence... HARSH realm.
%%
All the sex appeal of a wet paper bag.
%%
All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.
%%
"All the soil will be fruitful beyond man's needs;
 and human beings shall fornicate unceasingly."
 -- THE PROPHECIES OF MERLIN, Geoffrey of Monmouth
 -- An old book I got from a friend -- Geoffrey was apparently
 -- translating Merlin's prophecies
%%
"All the system's paths must be topologically and circularly interrelated for
 conceptually definitive, locally transformable, polyhedronal understanding to
 be attained in our spontaneous -- ergo, most economical -- geodesiccally
 structured thoughts."
 -- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
[...and a total nonsequitur as far as I can tell.]
%%
All the taglines contain messages - the good, the bad & the funny.
%%
All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by
the government in less than a second.
 -- Jim Fiebig
%%
All the tea in china:  356,000 metric tons.
%%
All the thoughts I'd be a-thinkin' if I only had a brain
%%
All the troubles of man come from his not knowing how to sit still.
 -- Pascal
%%
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
%%
All the wastes in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.
 -- Ronald Reagan, quoted in "Burlington Free Press", 15 February 1980
%%
All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.
 -- Robert Crumb
%%
All the wild witches, those most noble ladies.
 -- Yeats
%%
All the work you will do will be written to 'WRITE-ONLY' memory.
%%
All the world knows me in my book, and my book in me.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. v
%%
All the world knows that poverty owns the person, whereas few stop to
 realize that the wealthy seldom own their wealth so much as they are owned
 by it. So many people falsely think of wealth as a state of bliss, whereas
 the truth is that the joy comes from the imagination. The fun comes from
 anticipation, not realization. The real joy in life is to have not so much
 as to be envied, but not so little as to be damned.
%%
All the world over, I will back the masses against the classes.
 -- William Ewart Gladstone (1809-1898)
%%
All the world's a cage.
 -- Jeanne Phillips
%%
All the world's an analog stage and digital circuits play only bit parts.
%%
All the world's a net!  And all the data in it merely packets
come to store-and-forward in the queues a while and then are
heard no more. 'Tis a network waiting to be switched!
 -- Vint Cerf
%%
All the world's a Schrodinger Box, and we are merely kitties.
%%
All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many
parts, his acts being seven ages. At first the infant, mewling and puking
in the nurse's arms. And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwillingly to school.
And then the lover, sighing like furnace, with a woful ballad made
to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier, full of strange oaths and bearded
like the pard; jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, seeking
the bubble reputation even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined, with eyes severe and beard
of formal cut, full of wise saws and modern instances; and so he plays
his part. The sixth age shifts into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
with spectacles on nose and pouch on side; his youthful hose, well saved,
a world too wide for his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice, turning again
toward childish treble, pipes and whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
that ends this strange eventful history, is second childishness
and mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.
 -- William Shakespeare, As You Like It
%%
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
 -- Sean O'Casey
%%
All the world's a stage, but most of us are stage hands.
%%
All the world's a stage...  Now it's intermission!
%%
All the world's a VAX,
And all the coders merely butchers;
They have their exits and their entrails;
And one int in his time plays many widths,
His sizeof being N bytes.  At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms.
And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun,
And shining morning face, creeping like slug
Unwillingly to school.
 -- A Very Annoyed PDP-11
%%
All the world's evils are not men's responsibility
%%
All the world's indeed a stage, and we are merely players,
performers and portrayers.   Each another's audience outside
the gilded cage.
 -- Rush
%%
All thing is the woorse for the wearing.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. i
%%
All things are difficult before they are easy.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
All things are either sacred or profane.
The former to ecclesiasts bring gain;
The latter to the devil appertain.
 -- Dumbo Omohundro
%%
All things are green unless they are not.
%%
All things are in common among friends.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
All things are only transitory.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
%%
All things are possible to him that believeth.
 -- Mark 9:23
%%
All things are subject to fixed laws.
 -- Marcus Manilius
%%
All things are the same,--familiar in enterprise, momentary in endurance,
coarse in substance. All things now are as they were in the day of
those whom we have buried.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 14
%%
All things are to be examined and called into question.
There are no limits set on thought.
%%
All things being equal, a fat person uses
 more soap than a thin person.
 -- Schmidt's Observation
%%
All things being equal, all things are never equal.
 -- Marshall L. Smith
%%
All things being equal, you lose.
 -- Todd's First Law
All things being in your favour, you still lose.
 -- Corollary
%%
All things change, nothing is extinguished.
%%
All things come round to him who will but wait.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Tales of a Wayside Inn, The Student's Tale
%%
All things come to those...who get on a mailing list.
%%
All things considered, Dan Quayle is doing a fine job as Vice President. He
 is the best eraser clapper the White House has ever had.
%%
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
%%
All things considered, life is 9 to 5 against.
 -- Nick the Greek's Law of Life
%%
All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat,
 All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot;
 Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp that stings,
 He made their brutish venom, He made their horrid wings.
 All things sick and cancerous, All evil great and small,
 All things foul and dangerous, The Lord God made them all.
 Each nasty little hornet, Each beastly little squid.
 Who made the spikey urchin? Who made the sharks? He did.
 All things scabbed and ulcerous, All pox both great and small.
 Putrid, foul and gangrenous, The Lord God made them all.
 -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
%%
All things evolve, nothing is extinguished.
%%
All things now enjoyed by civilization have been created by some man and
sold by another man before anybody really enjoyed the benefits of them.
 -- James G. Daly
%%
All things that are,
Are with more spirit chased than enjoy'd.
How like a younker or a prodigal
The scarfed bark puts from her native bay,
Hugg'd and embraced by the strumpet wind!
How like the prodigal doth she return,
With over-weather'd ribs and ragged sails,
Lean, rent, and beggar'd by the strumpet wind!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
%%
All things that are
Made for our general uses are at war,--
Even we among ourselves.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- Upon an "Honest Man's Fortune"
%%
All things work out in the end; the problem is that we never reach a
definite end; we are always making new beginnings.
%%
All things work together for good to them that love God.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans viii, 28
%%
All this, and a winning smile, too.
%%
All this and brains, too!
%%
All this beer and only one mouth.
%%
All this beer drinking will be the urination of me.
%%
All this big deal about white collar crime -- what's WRONG with white collar
crime?    Who enjoys his job today?  You?  Me?  Anybody?  The only satisfying
part of any job is coffee break, lunch hour and quitting time.     Years ago
there was at least the hope of improvement -- eventual promotion -- more
important jobs to come.  Once you can be sold the myth that you may make
president of the company you'll hardly ever steal stamps.  But nobody
believes he's going to be president anymore.  The more people change jobs
the more they realize that there is a direct connection between working for
a living and total stupefying boredom.    So why NOT take revenge?  You're not
going to find ME knocking a guy because he pads an expense account and his
home stationery carries the company emblem.  Take away crime from the white
collar worker and you will rob him of his last vestige of job interest.
 -- J. Feiffer
%%
All this buttoning and unbuttoning.
 -- 18th Century suicide note
%%
All this I cannot bear to witness any longer
%%
All this machinery making modern music can still be open-hearted. Not
    so coldly charted, it's really just a question of your honesty.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
All this passion over a machine?
 -- Capt. Louvois, "The Measure of a Man", stardate 42523.7
%%
All this progress is marvelous . . . now if only it would stop!
 -- Allan Lamport
%%
"All this self-sacrifice is *nauseating*!"
 -- An agent of Death meets the locals in the new Twilight Zone
%%
All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun.
Money's just the way we keep score.
 -- Henry Tyroon
%%
"All this will not be finished in the first 100 days.  Nor will it be finished
 in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this administration, nor even
 perhaps in our lifetime on this planet.  But let us begin."
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963) (from his Inaugural Address)
%%
All those instances to be found in history, whether real or fabulous,
of a doubtful public spirit, at which morality is perplexed, reason
is staggered, and from which affrighted Nature recoils, are their
chosen and almost sole examples for the instruction of their youth.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France,
 -- Letter i, On a Regicide Peace, Vol. v, p. 311
%%
All those things which are now held to be of the greatest antiquity,
were at one time new; and what we today hold up by example, will
rank hereafter as precedent.
 -- Tacitus
%%
All those updates, and still imperfect!!!
%%
All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will
reply by saying "I resign."
%%
All those who dread uncertainty either because of timidity or from
conventional-mindedness or for fear of material loss are enlisted
under the conservative standard.
 -- Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr. (1888-1965)
%%
All thought is naught but a footnote to Plato.
 -- George Santiano
%%
All thoughts that mould the age begin
Deep down within the primitive soul.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- An Incident in a Railroad Car
%%
All through human history, tyrannies have tried to enforce obedience by
 prohibiting disrespect for the symbols of their power.   The swastika is
 only one example of many in recent history.
 -- American Bar Association task force on flag burning
%%
All tied to their things,
they are netted by the strings...
Free to flutter, in memory of
their wasted wings...  P.Gabriel
%%
All together now, three times real fast:

             PLEASANT VALLEY PHEASANT PLUCKERS
%%
All tragedies are finished by death; all comedies
are ended by a marriage.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
All trails have more uphill sections than they have downhill sections.
 -- Shedenhelm's Law of Backpacking
%%
All true knowledge contradicts common sense.
%%
All true wisdom is found in computer fortune programs.
%%
All true wisdom is found in taglines.
%%
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
%%
All truth is a species of revelation.
%%
All truth passes through 3 stages.  First, it is ridiculed.  Second,
it is violently opposed.  Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer
%%
All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point
 is to discover them.
 -- Galileo Galilei
%%
All vacations and holiday's create problems, except for ones own.
%%
All views expressed are my own....
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
All virtue is summed up in dealing justly.
 -- Aristotle
%%
 All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 10
%%
All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes
infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in
which he was born.
 -- Francois Fenelon
%%
All wars are ironic because all wars are worse than expected.
%%
All wax and no wick.
%%
All we are given is possibilities -- to make ourselves one thing or another.
 -- Ortega y Gasset
%%
All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
%%
All we are saying.. is Give Peas a Chance.
%%
All we are saying is, "Give pizza chants."
%%
All we ever talk about is sex!
%%
All we have of freedom -- all we use or know --
This our fathers bought for us, long and long ago.
 -- Kipling
%%
All we know about the new economic world tells us that nations which
train engineers will prevail over those which train lawyers.  No nation
has ever sued its way to greatness.
 -- Richard Lamm
%%
All welfare and adversity that come to man and other creatures come
through the Seven and the Twelve.  Twelve signs of the Zodiac, as the
Religion says are the twelve commanders on the side of light; and the
seven planets are said to be the seven commanders on the side of
darkness.  And the seven planets oppress all creation and deliver it
over to death and all manner of evil: for the twelve signs of the Zodiac
and the seven planets rule the fate of the world.
 -- The Menok i Xrat
%%
All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been
convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.
 -- Aristotle
%%
All who joy would win
Must share it, --happiness was born a twin.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto ii, Stanza 172
%%
All...Who needs a doomsday virus when we have Windows :-)
%%
All Windows break - not just the glass ones !
%%
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
%%
All women are automatically born with a shopping disorder
%%
All women are beautiful, some are just less beautiful than others.
%%
All women grow up to be like their mothers.
That is their tragedy.  No men do.  That is theirs.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
All women named Jennifer have perfect teeth.
%%
All words are pegs on which to hang ideas.
%%
All WORK and no play......Ain't the ONLY way!
%%
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.
 -- E. Esar
%%
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
%%
All work is an act of philosophy.  And when men learn to consider
productive work -- and that which is its source -- as the standard
of their moral values, they will reach that state of perfection which
is the birthright they lost ... The source of work?  Man's mind.
 -- Hugh Akston
%%
All would live long; but none would be old.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
All wrong numbers are the same person.
%%
All you can eat, shrimp.
%%
All you have to do is act like normal people, and they can't tell
the difference.  You just talk with them about the dull things they're
interested in, and they eat it up.  It's no trick at all to imitate
them.
 -- J.A. Meyer
 -- Brick Wall, Sept, 1951
%%
"All you have to do is... Spot The Looney!"
 -- Python
%%
All you have to do to get over a Beer is take a leak.
%%
All you have to do to see the accuracy of my thesis is look around
you.  Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making
average incomes for doing average jobs - bank vice presidents,
insurance salesmen, auditors, secretaries of defense - and you'll
realize they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins
in the Sears menswear department dress.  Now look at the real
successes, the people who make a lot more money than you - Elton John,
Captain Kangaroo, anybody from Saudi Arabia, Big Bird, and so on.  They
all dress funny - and they all succeed.  Are you catching on?
 -- Dave Barry, "How to Dress for Real Success"
%%
"All you Klingons, you want to ravage helpless Earthwomen.  Brute."
 -- They really should have named this, "I Married a Klingon."
 -- From DC's STAR TREK
%%
All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife.
 -- Daniel Boone
%%
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success
  is sure.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
All you need is love.
%%
All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.
%%
All you need to do is turn on the television to find out that the Gross
 National Product is just as gross as ever.
%%
All you need to know is the user interface.
 -- J. Redford
%%
All your better deeds
Shall be in water writ, but this in marble.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Philaster, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
All your fantasies will come true after your imagination is surgically removed.
%%
All your files have been destroyed (sorry).
 -- Paul
%%
All your future lies beneath your hat.
%%
All your people must learn before you can reach for the stars.
 -- Kirk, "The Gamesters of Triskelion," stardate 3259.2.
%%
All you've ever licked in a fight is your wounds.
%%
All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent
upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a
visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is
informing, stimulating and ennobling.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom
we cannot resemble.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
"Almost all Eskimo jokes have the same punch line:
 'You know, he fell through the ice and died.'"
 -- Larry Marder
%%
"Almost all reformers, however strict their social conscience,
live in houses just as big as they can pay for."
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
%%
Almost any misfortune is preferable to a worse one.
%%
Almost any program runs faster on a 386/25.
%%
Almost anything  derogatory you could say about today's software
design would be accurate.
 -- Kenneth E. Iverson
%%
 Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
 -- Allen's Law
%%
Almost everything you do will be insignificant, but it is very
important that you do it.
 -- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Almost had a psychic boyfriend-he left me before we met.
%%
Almost had a psychic girlfriend-she left me before we met.
%%
Almost half the bones in your body are in your hands and feet. 
%%
Almost in every kingdom the most ancient families have been at first
princes' bastards; their worthiest captains, best wits, greatest scholars,
bravest spirits in all our annals, have been base [born].
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2
%%
Almost live from Minneapolis Minnesota!
%%
Almost Missed the Bus: Justin Time
%%
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically
deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone
believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Almost nothing is impossible if you put the screws to the right people.
%%
Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xxvi, 28
%%
Alms for the poor! Alms for the poor!
%%
Al:  " Nothing spells lovin' like marrying your cousin."
%%
A loaded .357 always beats a full house.
%%
A load would sink a navy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, a big TV with a hi-fi VCR and a nice stereo, a
full fridge, a microwave, a UNIX system, two phone lines, a high speed modem,
and thou.
%%
A loaf of bread, the Walrus said, is what we chiefly need.
%%
A lobbyist's pagoda is build on a foundation of night soil.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
%%
Aloha.
%%
ALOHA OY - Love; greetings; farewell; from such a pain you should never know.
%%
ALONE, adj.  In bad company.

    In contact, lo! the flint and steel,
    By spark and flame, the thought reveal
    That he the metal, she the stone,
    Had cherished secretly alone.
                                                           Booley Fito
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Alone at last!
%%
A lone dime always gets the number nearly right.
 -- The Phone Booth Rule
%%
... aloneness.  You are so alone.  You live out your lives in the
  shell of flesh, self-contained, separate.  How lonely you are; how
  terribly lonely.
 -- Kollos, the Medusan Ambassador (through Spock),
 -- "Is There In Truth No Beauty?" stardate 5630.7.
%%
Alone!--that worn-out word,
So idly spoken, and so coldly heard;
Yet all that poets sing and grief hath known
Of hopes laid waste, knells in that word ALONE!
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- The New Timon, (1846), Part ii
%%
A long dispute means both parties are wrong.
 -- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at
 any price.
%%
A long, long kiss,--a kiss of youth and love.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto ii, Stanza 186
%%
A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
%%
A Long Nose Is Forever.
%%
A long-shanked rascal with a mighty nose.
%%
"...a long silver Kill-O-Zap gun at them.  The designer of the gun had clearly
not been instructed to beat about the bush.  "Make it evil," he'd been told.
"Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end.  Make it
totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly
for them.  If that means sticking all sort of spikes and prongs and blackened
bits all over it then so be it.  This is not a gun for hanging over the
fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is a gun for going out and
making people miserable with."
%%
A long slow sigh is heard and the staff shrinks in your hand.
%%
A long theatrical slash.  You parry it desperately, but the thief
twists his knife, and your # goes flying.
%%
Along the south side, so cold that we cried, were we ever colder on that
day, a million miles away, it seemed from all of eternity.
%%
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, or was it here?
%%
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...the Rangers won The Cup.
%%
A long time ago, on a node far, far away...
%%
A long train of these practices has at length unwillingly convinced
me that there is something behind the throne greater than the King
himself.
 -- William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778)
 -- Chatham Correspondence, Speech, March 2, 1770
%%
A long worm hits with all of its length.
%%
Alonso of Aragon was wont to say in commendation of age, that age
appears to be best in four things,--old wood best to burn, old wine
to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Apothegms, No, 97
%%
A looney tune.
%%
A lord as black as coal
And the red kittens whip him.
 A pot on the fire.
%%
A Los Angeles judge ruled that "a citizen may snore with immunity
 in his own home, even though he may be in possession of unusual and
 exceptional ability in that particular field."
%%
A Los Angeles ordinance forbids a person to have
a hippopotamus in his possession.
%%
A loser is a stowaway on a kamikaze plane.
 -- Charlie Manna
%%
A loser walks in Central Park with a German shepherd for protection--and
 meets a mugger with a rhinoceros. A loser is a female impersonator who
 doesn't know it, a window washer who steps back to admire his work, and a
 health-nut submarine captain who sleeps with the windows open!
 -- Charlie Manna
%%
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
%%
A lost property office is for people to return things
they find and don't want.
%%
A lot is happening -- not all of it good, but a lot is happening.
 -- President George Bush, Day 48 of the Bush presidency
%%
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.  Unfortunately,
  they don't have a J.O.B.
 -- "Fats" Domino
%%
A lot of my countrymen say rude things about England because it has the
 lowest standard of living in the world, and I don't think that's fair. I
 think that's mean and horrid. Because I know England will rise again. It
 will--say, to the level of Sicily or Ethiopia.
 -- Dame Edna Everage (Barry Humphries)
%%
A lot of people have said that this country is coming apart at the seams...
 ... for God's sake, this is America!
 -- George Bush
%%
A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.
 I believe everything positively stinks.
 -- Lew Col
%%
A lot of people like snow.  I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.
 -- Carl Reiner
%%
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
A lot of people will urge you to put some money in a bank, and in
 fact--within reason--this is very good advice. But don't go overboard.
 Remember, what you are doing is giving your money to someone else to hold
 on to, and I think that it is worth keeping in mind that the businessmen
 who run banks are so worried about holding on to things that they put
 little chains on all their pens.
 -- "Miss Piggy"
%%
A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love. Just ask
 yourself this one question: "Would I mind being destroyed financially by
 this person?"
 -- Ronnie Shakes
%%
A lot of schools around New York keep sending school reporters to interview
 me. So this girl comes over from a girls' college the other day and she
 says, "How old should a girl be before she goes to a prom in a strapless
 dress?" I said, "If it stays up, you're old enough."
 -- Selma Diamond
%%
A lot of the stuff I do is so minimal, and it's designed to be minimal.
The smallness of it is what's attractive.  It's weird, 'cause it's so
intellectually lame.  It's hard to see me doing that for the rest of
my life.  But at the same time, it's what I do best.
 -- Chris Elliot, writer and performer on "Late Night with David Letterman"
%%
A lot of things may be preserved in alcohol. But not your dignity.
%%
A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much technological rococo.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
A lot of what I say comes off as political satire. In that, I have a lot in
common with Congress.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A lot of women are getting tattoos. Don't do it, that's sick. That
 butterfly looks great on your breast when you're 20, 30. When you get to be
 70, 80, it stretches into a condor.
 -- Billy Elmer
%%
A "lotus?"  I thought that was a Grasshopper.
%%
A loud mouth never hears the silence.
%%
A lovely being, scarcely formed or moulded,
A rose with all its sweetest leaves yet folded.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xv, Stanza 43
%%
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
%%
A lover always thinks of his mistress first and himself second; with
a husband it runs the other way.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
A lover has all the good points and all the bad points which are locking
 in a husband.
%%
A lover is a bottle of wine; a husband is a wine bottle.
%%
A lover's like a hunter- if the game be got with too much ease he
cares not for't.
 -- Mead
%%
A lover teaches a wife all that her husband has concealed from her.
%%
A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of
 the house.
 -- Moliere
%%
A love that took an early root,
  And had an early doom.
 -- Thomas K. Hervey (1799-1859)
 -- The Devil's Progress
%%
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
A low yield atomic bomb is like being a bit pregnant.
%%
Alpenglow: Feeling of contentment and inner warmth induced by liberal doses of
medicinal brandy.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Alpenstock: limited number of shares in mountain real estate
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, ....
%%
Alpha/Beta testing requires masochistic tendencies.
%%
 Alpha Centauri Space Station.  Commander Marlin can't come to
 the phone right now.  He's either saving the universe from some
 dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie.  Leave your
 name and number after the beep and he will return your call.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
Alpha testing - CTRL-ALT-DEL, a way of life.
%%
Alpha test version: too buggy to release   Beta test
version: still too buggy to release   Release 1.0: alternate
pronounciation of beta test version
%%
Alpinists do it higher.
%%
alps: cries for assistance, most commonly heard in alpine areas of great
britain.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Already another one to take his place. It never ends.
He could have killed you, he didn't. Maybe the end begins with one boy
  putting down his gun.
 -- Alexana Devos and Riker, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that
every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be
submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality.  All proffered 
samples of learning must go to the same assay-room and be subjected to 
common tests.  It is the essence of all dogmatic faiths to hold that
any such "show-down" is sacrilegious and perverse.  The characteristic
of religion, from their point of view, is that it is intellectually
secret, not public; peculiarly revealed, not generall known; 
authoritatively declared, not communicated and tested in ordinary 
ways...It is pertinent to point out that, as long as religion is
conceived as it is now by the great majority of professed religionists,
there is something self-contradictory in speaking of education in
religion in the same sense in which we speak of education in topics
where the method of free inquiry has made its way.  The "religious"
would be the last to be willing that either the history of the
content of religion should be taught in this spirit; while those
to whom the scientific standpoint is not merely a technical device,
but is the embodiment of the integrity of mind, must protest against
its being taught in any other spirit.
 -- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher, 
 -- from "Democracy in the Schools", 1908
%%
Alright, Baldrick. Let's try again. This is called 'Adding'. If I have
  two beans, and I add _two more_ beans, what do I have?
...Some beans.
Yes...and no.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Head
%%
Alright. Go and get Bob's stuff in...and throw your filthy muck out
  onto the street.
God bless you, sweet master!
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Bells
%%
Alright here we are in the final home stretch of this thing.
%%
"Alright, nobody move!"
  "Take him, you fools!  He can only shoot one of us!"
"You're the one."
  "Nobody move."
 -- Get Smart
%%
Alright, Who took my Whip Cream???
%%
Alright, you!!  Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Als das Kind noch Kind war, gab es diese Fragen: Warum bin ich mich, und
    warum nicht dich?  Warum bin ich hier, und warum nicht dort?
 -- Rainer Maria Rilke
%%
Al's mortuary. You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
24 hours a day, ask about our group rate.
%%
Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
%%
Also, it takes a lot longer to get up North ..... The slow way
 -- "Clever Trevor" Ian Drury
%%
Also, never obfuscate your documentation with
   pretentious, ostentatious or histrionic language.
 -- Writing Rule 18
%%
Also Sprach Zarathustra: "Have A Good Day"
%%
Al's Septic Service - You're business is our business.
%%
Al's Septic Service - Your shit is our bread & butter.
%%
ALT1.BBS: Fatal error at F000:DEAD, dropping...(click)
%%
Altair: A place where computers are sacraficed.
%%
ALT ALT to you too!
%%
Altar Ego:  A *humongous* church.
%%
ALTAR, n.  The place whereupon the priest formerly raveled out the
small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination
and cooked its flesh for the gods.  The word is now seldom used,
except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a
male and a female tool.

    They stood before the altar and supplied
    The fire themselves in which their fat was fried.
    In vain the sacrifice! -- no god will claim
    An offering burnt with an unholy flame.
                                                           M.P. Nopput
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:alt: /awlt/ 1. n. The alt shift key on an IBM PC or {clone}
   keyboard; see {bucky bits}, sense 2 (though typical PC usage does
   not simply set the 0200 bit).  2. n. The `clover' or `Command'
   key on a Macintosh; use of this term usually reveals that the
   speaker hacked PCs before coming to the Mac (see also {feature
   key}).  Some Mac hackers, confusingly, reserve `alt' for the Option
   key (and it is so labeled on some Mac II keyboards).  3. n.obs.
   [PDP-10; often capitalized to ALT] Alternate name for the ASCII
   ESC character (ASCII 0011011), after the keycap labeling on some
   older terminals; also `altmode' (/awlt'mohd/).  This character
   was almost never pronounced `escape' on an ITS system, in
   {TECO}, or under TOPS-10 --- always alt, as in "Type alt alt to
   end a TECO command" or "alt-U onto the system" (for "log onto
   the [ITS] system").  This usage probably arose because alt is more
   convenient to say than `escape', especially when followed by
   another alt or a character (or another alt *and* a character,
   for that matter).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Alt-D = Dumb Statement Checker
%%
Altered days and Blurry ways............
%%
Alternate rest and labor long endure.
 -- Ovid
%%
Although a Canadian, Mario Martinez is, in fact, an Italian.
%%
Although a wise man might urge that one should suffer fools gladly, this
should not be construed as license for any fool to demand that one do so.
 -- Frederic William Kantor
%%
Although everyone is entitled to be stupid, some abuse this privilege.
%%
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight
Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Although he isn't as good as he was two years ago, now he's even better!
%%
Although I am a pious man, I am not the less a man.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Le Tartuffe, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Although I believe that the economy is on the right track, let me be
the first to say that all is not well.
 -- President George Bush, September 1991
%%
Although in public I refer to him as Mr. Vice President, in private I call
him George... When I talked to him on the phone yesterday. I called him
George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it's Mr. Vice
President, because that's who he is.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle shortly after being named
 -- Geo. Bush's running mate, 8/27/88
 -- (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The NY Times, 8/28/88)
%%
Although it is a gloomy view to suppose that life will die out, sometimes
when I contemplate the things that people do with their lives I think it is
almost a consolation.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Although it is said that the athlete was never fatally ill previously, the
 morning in question he sure woke up dead. And being that way, he didn't go
 nowhere. A person in that condition ain't prone to move around a lot unless
 he ain't got what he thought he did.
%%
Although men flatter themselves with their great actions, they are not
so often the result of a great design as of chance.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Although most cowboys are not politicians and most politicians are not
 cowboys, they share the common experience of being able to do a fairly
 decent job of throwing the bull.
%%
Although most products will soon be too costly to purchase, there will be a
thriving market in the sale of books on how to fix them.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XIX
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved
stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as
lasting as the land they honored.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Eulogy on Adams and Jefferson, Aug. 2, 1826, p. 146
%%
Although our information is incorrect, we do not vouch for it.
 -- Satie
%%
Although plastic was brought into industrial use in 1909 by L.H. Baekeland of
 Yonkers, it was not until after World War II that the modern miracle substance
 was used in a wide variety of consumer goods, among them speedboats, dentures
 and flamingos. Previously flamingos were made of cement. Before that they were
 made by other flamingos.
 -- William E. Geist, The New York Times
%%
Although Poles suffer official censorship, a pervasive secret police and laws
similar to those in the USSR, there are thousands of underground publications,
a legal independent Church, private agriculture, and the East bloc's first and
only independent trade union federation, NSZZ Solidarnosc, which is an
affiliate of both the International Confederation of Free Trade Unions and the
World Confederation of Labor.   There is literally a world of difference
between Poland - even in its present state of collapse - and Soviet society at
the peak of its glasnost.    This difference has been maintained at great cost
by the Poles since 1944.
 -- David Phillips, SUNY at Buffalo, about establishing a gateway from EARN
 -- (European Academic Research Network) to Poland
%%
Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
Although she was no longer a nun, she prayed out of habit
%%
Although the implementers are gone, they foresaw that some cretin
would tamper with their remains.  Therefore, they took steps to
prevent this.
%%
Although the last, not least.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away.
%%
...Although there is something lurking at the back of my head that
  bothers me...
It's probably a flea.
 -- Ploppy and Edmund : Head
%%
Although they do not inquire into the future, and either forget or
do not know the past, yet defame present times as most unusually beset,
as it were, by evils because there is belief in Christ and worship
of God, and increasingly less worship of idols...
 -- Paulus Orosius, The Seven Books of History Against the Pagans, 418 A.D.
%%
Although this sentence begins with the word because, it is false.
 -- Douglas R Hofstadter
%%
Although today there are many trial marriages, there is no such thing as
a trial child.
 -- Gary Wills
%%
Although written many years ago, Lady Chatterley's Lover has just been
reissued by the Grove Press, and this pictorial account of the
day-to-day life of an English gamekeeper is full of considerable
interest to outdoor minded readers, as it contains many passages on
pheasant-raising, the apprehending of poachers, ways to control vermin,
and other chores and duties of the professional gamekeeper.
Unfortunately, one is obliged to wade through many pages of extraneous
material in order to discover and savour those sidelights on the
management of a midland shooting estate, and in this reviewer's opinion
the book cannot take the place of J. R. Miller's "Practical
Gamekeeping."
 -- Ed Zern, "Field and Stream" (Nov. 1959)
%%
Although you are perfectly capable, emit erotic noises only when
absolutely necessary.
%%
Although you should not bite your fingernails, when you do, it avoids being
 called on by friends to scratch their back.
%%
Although you tied it incorrectly, the rope becomes free.
%%
Altruism is the devil's calling card.
%%
Alt-S = Stupid Question Filter
%%
ALTZHEIMER.COM found . . . Out of . . . something
%%
Altzheimer's Advantage: There are no television reruns.
%%
Altzheimers is very ... ah ... umm ... I forget!
%%
A lucky chance, that oft decides the fate
Of mighty monarchs.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 1285
%%
:Aluminum Book: [MIT] n. "Common LISP: The Language", by
   Guy L.  Steele Jr. (Digital Press, first edition 1984, second
   edition 1990).  Note that due to a technical screwup some printings
   of the second edition are actually of a color the author describes
   succinctly as "yucky green".  See also {{book titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Aluminum Dragons also do 3d6 of krinkle damage.
%%
Aluminum was once a precious metal.
 -- Jules Verne
%%
ALVIN TOFFLER will do it in the future.
%%
Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off
their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Always act in such a way as to secure the love of your neighbour.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xviii, Sect. 44
%%
Always address your elders with respect; they could leave you a fortune.
%%
Always and in every instance, someone can be found to disagree with
 whatever decision you make.
%%
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
 -- Wendell Johnson
%%
Always ask why you're doing anything. Be kind, especially if you have a
 gift. Be honest. Take risks.
 -- Yo-Yo Ma
%%
Always a tag line!
%%
Always attack a floating eye from BEHIND!
%%
Always be aware of the phase of the moon!
%%
Always be diplomatic before inserting a knife in your enemy's back.
%%
Always be foolish, but never be stupid.
%%
Always begin with a woman by telling her that you don't understand women.
 You will be able to prove it to her satisfaction more certainly than
 anything else you will ever tell her.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
Always be nice to receptionists and secretaries.
%%
Always be nice to secretaries.  They are the real gatekeepers in the world.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones
who will be writing about you.
 -- Cyril Connolly, "Journal and Memoir" 1983
%%
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it.
 -- Irene Peter
%%
Always be smarter than the people who hire you.
%%
Always be suspicious of an associate who never finds fault with you.
%%
Always be willing to authorize someone else not to make the decision which
 you did not make, so in that manner they are unable to complain.
%%
Always beyond warp 10.
%%
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
%%
Always coming back for more...
%%
Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
%%
Always cut the cards.
%%
Always deny your defeats by conservatives.
 -- Liberal Rule #36
%%
Always distrust offices not under your jurisdiction which say that
they are there to serve you. "Support" offices in a bureaucracy tend
to grow in size and make demands on you out of proportion to their service
and in the end require more effort on your part than their service is worth.
 -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Always do one thing less than you think you can do.
 -- Bernard Baruch
%%
Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep
 your mouth shut.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
Always do the hard part first.  If the hard part is impossible, why
waste time on the easy part?  Once the hard part is done, you're home free.

Always do the easy part first.      What you think at first is the
easy part often turns out to be the hard part.  Once the easy
part is done, you can concentrate all your efforts on the hard part.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
 Always do what is right, even if it's wrong.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Always do what you are afraid to do.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Always eat a large breakfast; never try to cheat on your taxes.
 -- Frank Costello
%%
Always eat dessert first ... she may decide to go home early ...
%%
Always fade the ball; you can't talk to a hook.
 -- Dave Marr
%%
Always forgive your enemies-- nothing annoys them so much.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Always format alphanumerically, then preview graphically.
%%
Always give your people the credit that is rightfully theirs. To
do otherwise is both morally and ethically dishonest.
%%
Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.
%%
Always helping;
 -- Edward A. Dains
%%
Always imitate the behavior of the winners when you lose.
%%
Always keep a record of data; it indicates you've been working.
 -- Finagle's Second Rule
%%
Always keep the office door closed. This puts visitors on the defensive
and also makes it look as if you are always in an important conference.
%%
"Always keep your bowler on in times of stress.
 And watch out for diabolical masterminds."
 -- Emma Peel's parting comment to John Steed on THE AVENGERS
%%
Always laugh at yourself first - before others do.
 -- E. Maxwell
%%
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
 -- The Rule of the Way Out
%%
Always let the big guy think he's right!
%%
Always let your flattery be seen through, for what really flatters a man is
 that you think him worth flattering.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "John Bull's Other Island"
%%
Always lick the suction cup before you shoot the dart gun at the TV set.
 -- Proverb from "Life in Hell"
%%
Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why.
Then do it.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Always live in the ugliest house on the street--then you don't have to look
 at it.
 -- David Hockney
%%
Always look for the silver trashcan lining.
%%
Always looking for yummy healthy things to try.
%%
Always look on the bright side of life..
 -- Monty Python song
%%
Always look over your shoulder because everyone is watching and plotting
against you.
%%
Always loses a little bit after its explained
%%
Always make allowances for the "duh" factor.
%%
Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
Always make water when you can.
 -- Duke of Wellington
%%
Always obey your superiors--if you have any.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Always pick on the correct idiom.
%%
Always pray that your opposition be wicked. In wickedness, there
is a strong strain toward rationality. Therefore, there is always
the possibility, in theory, of handling the wicked by outthinking them.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
%%
Always put off till tomorrow what you shouldn't do at all.
 -- Morris Mandel, "The Jewish Press"
%%
Always put the important before the merely urgent.
%%
Always question Authority; oft venal and rong.
%%
Always read over the letters you write, or some
 damn fool is going to think they have found a kindred spirit.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Always ready to pervert pure science for a fast buck!
%%
Always refuse the advice that passion gives.
 -- English Proverb
%%
Always remember, however, that there's usually a simpler and better way
to do something than the first way that pops into your head.
 -- Donald E. Knuth, "TeXbook"
%%
Always remember some people are more human than others.
%%
Always remember that a moving neutrino gathers no mass.
%%
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how
 to dress.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Always remember, that someone, somewhere, is making a product that
will make your product obselete.
 -- Georges Doriot, founder of American R & D
%%
Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
 -- Meade's maxim
%%
Always remember the past, but make waves when it matters.
%%
Always remember, the whole thing was started by a mouse.
 -- Walt Disney, film producer
%%
Always remember, to copy a disk is not to Xerox it.
%%
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
%%
Always remember where you came from so you can return.
%%
Always remember, you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
%%
Always remove the last screw first.
%%
Always rise from the table with an appetite, and you will never sit down
 without one.
 -- William Penn
%%
Always run a yellow light.
%%
Always say no and you'll never be married.
%%
Always see a fellow's weak point in his wife.
 -- James Joyce
%%
Always sharpening his sleeping skills.
%%
Always SMILE.
%%
Always SMILE
And My Plan is
eat well &
live well.
%%
Always sort the small file first.
 -- Dick Munroe
%%
Always speak politely to an enraged Dragon.
 -- old Jhereg saying
%%
Always stay in with the outs.
 -- David Halberstan
%%
Always stay in your own movie.
 -- Ken Kesey
%%
Always store beer in a dark place.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Always strive to become the boss on your job. Otherwise, they may give this
 position to some other dumbbell.
%%
Always take aim at the Tidy Bowl Man.
%%
Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him.
 -- Bo Diddeley's Observation on the Law
%%
Always take the short cut; and that is the rational one. Therefore
say and do everything according to soundest reason.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 51
%%
Always talk to your wife while you're
 making love...if there's a phone handy.
%%
Always tell her she's beautiful, especially if she isn't.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Always tell her she's pretty, especially when she isn't.
%%
Always tell him he is handsome, especially if he is not.
%%
Always tell the truth--it's the easiest thing to remember.
 -- Daved Mamet
%%
ALWAYS tell the truth - Unless something better is handy.
%%
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
 -- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
%%
Always the odd parity...
%%
Always there remain portions of our heart
into which no one is able to enter, invite them as we may.
%%
Always think of each day of your life as your last, because someday
you will be right.
%%
Always think of something new; this helps you forget your last rotten idea.
 -- Seth Frankel
%%
Always tip well.
%%
Always treat your kite - like you treat your woman.
Sir, do you mean take her home at the weekend to meet your mother?
No. I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven
  and back.
 -- Flasheart and George : Private Plane
%%
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing
 that way.
%%
Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
%%
Always try to rub up against money, for if you rub up against money long
 enough, some of it may rub off on you.
 -- Damon Runyon
%%
Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
%%
Always use tasteful words.  You may have to eat them.
%%
Always use your enemy's hand to catch a snake.
%%
Always verify your witchcraft.
%%
Always wait for V 3.2005a, Release C of a program.
%%
Always watch where you are going.  Otherwise, you may step on a piece
of the Forest that was left out by mistake.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
Always watch your step--especially when you're not going anywhere.
 -- Genry Pinera [ME]
%%
Alzheimer is very..ah...uh.....uh.....um
%%
Alzheimer's advantage: Hide own Easter eggs.
%%
Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.
%%
Alzheimer's advantage: you only need to own one book.
%%
 A m300 safety device will protect a 10p fuse from blowing.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 24
%%
A Macintosh a day keeps Apple Happy and Rich!
%%
A macro on the loose...WATCH OUT !
%%
A mad fellow met me on the way and told me I had unloaded all the
gibbets and pressed the dead bodies. No eye hath seen such scarecrows.
I 'll not march through Coventry with them, that 's flat: nay, and
the villains march wide betwixt the legs, as if they had gyves on;
for indeed I had the most of them out of prison. There 's but a shirt
and a half in all my company; and the half-shirt is two napkins tacked
together and thrown over the shoulders like an herald's coat without
sleeves.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
A mad puppeteer, a full grown kzin, and me.  Our fourth crew member
had better be a psychiatrist.
 -- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
%%
A Mahler symphony is full of surprises--but each surprise, on second hearing,
turns out to be an *inevitable* surprise.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
%%
A major illness is one that keeps you from work when the kids are out of
school.
%%
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
 -- Carrie Snow
%%
A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow.
%%
A malfunction...emotional awareness.
 -- Picard about Lal, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
                    AM  AM   AM   AM
              \AM/AM-AM/\AM/\AM-AM
                   /AM\AM AM\AM/AM
               AM-AM/AM\AM/\AM
              AM-\/\/\/\AM-AM
                    /\/
                   |||
                   |||
                   |||
                  -----
                 =====

AmBush.
%%
A man about to speak the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup.
 -- Old Mongolian Saying
%%
A man after his own heart.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Samuel xiii, 14
%%
A manager does the thing right.  A leader does the right thing.
 -- Anonymous (the great Greek philosopher)
%%
A manager went to the master programmer and showed him the requirements
document for a new application.  The manager asked the master: "How long
will it take to design this system if I assign five programmers to it?"

"It will take one year," said the master promptly.

"But we need this system immediately or even sooner!  How long will it take
if I assign ten programmers to it?"

The master programmer frowned.
"In that case, it will take two years."

"And what if I assign a hundred programmers to it?"

The master programmer shrugged.
"Then the design will never be completed," he said.
 -- The Tao of Programming
%%
A man always chases a woman until she catches him.
%%
A man always needs to remember one thing about a pretty girl.
Somewhere, somebody's tired of her.
%%
A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after
that begins to bunch them.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
A man and a woman had a little baby, oh yes they did.
%%
A man and a woman marry because both of them don't know what to do with
 themselves.
%%
A man, a plan, a canal -- Panama!
%%
A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta, heros, rajahs, a coloratura, maps,
snipe, percale, macaroni, a gag, a banana bag, a tan, a tag, a banana
bag again, (or a camel), a crepe, pins, Spam, a rut, a Rolo, cash, a
jar, sore hats, a peon, a canal - Panama!
 -- Guy L. Steele.
%%
A man asked a private detective to follow his wife. After several days, the
 private detective came back with his findings. He said, "I have the
 proof--your wife is definitely cheating on you. What do I do now?"

 The man says resolutely, "Follow my wife and that bum! Keep on their trail
 night and day, even if you have to track them around the world. And then I
 want a complete report on what he sees in her!"
 -- Myron Cohen
%%
A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth
the first time he bites off more than he can chew.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
A man bites off more trouble than he can chew when he doesn't do what his
 wife wants. You better believe it.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
"A man came into the the office one day and said he was a sailor.  We
cured him of that."
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), on his days as a doctor's apprentice in California
%%
A man can be called ruthless if he bombs a country to oblivion.  A
woman can be called ruthless if she puts you on hold.
 -- Gloria Steinem (b. 1934)
%%
A man can compact his to travel size, unlike a cucumber.
%%
A man can die but once.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
"A man can do something for peace without having to
 jump into politics.  Each man has inside him a
 basic decency and goodness.  If he listens to it
 and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what
 it is the world needs most."
 -- Pablo Casals
%%
A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants.
 -- Arthur Schoperhauer
%%
A man can drown and do it easily in a stream whose average depth is a mere
 seven inches.
%%
A man can lose his soul among the stars.  Much later, he may realize
that his body acted for him, guiding his ship while his mind traveled
in realms he cannot remember.  They call it _the far look._  It is
dangerous.  A man's soul does not always return.
 -- "Ringworld"
%%
A man can never know his capabilities till he has freed them, and this testing
process involves risk.
 -- A. F. Mummery
%%
A man can never quite understand a boy, even when he has been a boy.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterson (1874-1936)
%%
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), "The Picture of Dorian Grey", 1891
%%
A man cannot speak but he judges himself...no man thoroughly understands a
truth until he has contended against it.
 -- Emerson
%%
A man can see the moment, answers to the dream.
%%
A man can succeed at almost anything
for which he has unlimited enthusiasm.
 -- Charles Schwab, American industrialist
%%
A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant tablets.
 All they found was a pile of dust.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
 -- Butler
%%
Amanda: "Oh, that's not a dirty word!"
 -- "Journey To Babel", Stardate 3842.3.
%%
A man, dejected over a repulsed suit thought about hanging himself in
front of her house, then remembered she didn't want him hanging around.
%%
A man devoid of religion, is like a horse without a bridle.
%%
A man does not attain wisdom until he starts to realize that he is not
 indispensible.
%%
A man does not have to be an angel in order to be saint.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale.
%%
A man does not look behind the door unless he has
 stood there himself.
 -- Du Bois
%%
A man does not sin by commission only, but often by ommission.
 -- Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, book 9.
%%
A man doesn't automatically get my respect.  He has to get down in the dirt and
 beg for it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
A man drove me to drink. I never properly thanked him.
%%
A man either lives life as it happens to him, meets it head-on
  and licks it, or he turns his back on it and starts to wither away.
 -- Dr. Boyce, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown.
%%
A man feared that he might find an assassin;
Another that he might find a victim.
One was more wise than the other.
 -- Stephan Crane, "The Black Riders and Other Lines", 1895
%%
A man fell off a mountain and, as he fell, saw a branch and grabbed for it.
By superhuman effort he was able to get a precarious grip on it.  As he
was hanging there for dear life, he looked up and cried out,
    "Is anybody there?"
A deep majestic voice answered,
  "Yes my son, I am here. What do you need?"
    "Help me!!" cried the man.
    "I will help you", said the voice, "just let go of the branch and
you'll be safe.  All you have to do is trust."
The man thought for a moment and cried out:
        "Anybody ELSE up there?"
%%
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
%%
        A man from AI walked across the mountains to SAIL to see the Master,
Knuth.    When he arrived, the Master was nowhere to be found.  "Where is the
wise one named Knuth?" he asked a passing student.
       "Ah," said the student, "you have not heard. He has gone on a
pilgrimage across the mountains to the temple of AI to seek out new disciples."
        Hearing this, the man was Enlightened.
%%
A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one
 ticket. "How old's your kid?" the conductor says, and the father says "He's
 four years old." "He looks at least twelve to me," says the conductor. And
 the father says, "Can I help it if he worries?"
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
A man gets what he wants by acting smart; a woman, by playing dumb.
%%
 A man goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit.  The
first thing he notices is that the arms are too long.
 "No problem," says the tailor.  "Just bend them at the elbow
and hold them out in front of you.  See, now it's fine."
 "But the collar is up around my ears!"
 "It's nothing.  Just hunch your back up a little...no, a little
more...that's it."
 "But I'm stepping on my cuffs!" the man cries in desperation.
 "Nu, bend you knees a little to take up the slack.  There you
go.  Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly."
 So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the
street.  Reba and Florence see him go by.
 "Oh, look," says Reba, "that poor man!"
 "Yes," says Florence, "but what a beautiful suit."
 -- Arthur Naiman
%%
A man goes to rob a bank.  He brings two things: a hand grenade and
his dog. He pulls the pin, lobs the grenade at the doors of the bank
and ducks behind cover.  Rover retrieves the grenade, drops it at his
master's feet, and bolts away for the next toss.  BOOM!  End of
robbery.  I think the dog got a citation from the city.
%%
A man had a long argument with his wife recently. She wanted to purchase a
 brand new living room couch. I told her, the man said, that there was
 nothing wrong with the old couch. We argued all evening, said the man, but
 I finally got the word. I said go ahead and buy the damned thing...
%%
A man has got to know his assimilations.
 -- Harry of Borg.
%%
A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing, than to act one;
no more right to say a rude thing to another, than to knock him down.
 -- Johnson
%%
A man hears what he wants to hear
and disregards the rest.
 -- Paul Simon
%%
A man he seems of cheerful yesterdays and confident tomorrows.
 -- Wordsworth
%%
A man I am, cross'd with adversity.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A man in all the world's new fashion planted,
That hath a mint of phrases in his brain.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
A man in erection does not think. There is no blood left for his brain.
%%
A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he's finished.
 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
A man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple.
%%
A man in the house is worth two on the street.
 -- Mae West.
%%
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches fifty, and a fool if he
 doesn't drink afterward.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item she doesn't want.
 -- William Binger
%%
A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman as bad as she
dares.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
A man is as old as he feels. But never as important.
%%
A man is as old as he's feeling,
  A woman as old as she looks.
 -- Mortimer Collins (1827-1876)
%%
A man is as old as the woman he feels.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning
 and gets to bed at night, and in between he does
 what he wants to do."
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
A man is average when he can see the other man's faults; he becomes above
average only when he can also see his own.
%%
A man is a very small thing, and the night is very large and full of
wonders.
 -- Lord Dunsany, The Laughter of the Gods
%%
A man is broken when he has lost his zest for bitterness.
%%
A man is called a good fellow for doing things which, if done by a
woman, would land her in a lunatic asylum.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
A man is known by the company he avoids.
%%
A man is known by the company that he organizes.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A man is known by the enemies he keeps.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does, but he is
surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing what he does.
 -- Haliburton
%%
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
A man is not aware of his virtues (if any). Nevertheless, one hopes that they
exist.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A man is not finished when he is defeated.
He is finished when he quits.
 -- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
%%
A man is not old as long as he is seeking something.
 -- Jean Rostand
%%
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
 -- John Barrymore
%%
A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.
 -- Latin Proverb
%%
A man isn't a man until he has to meet a payroll.
 -- Ivan Shaffer
%%
A man isn't poor if he can still laugh.
%%
A man is one who can't wait ten seconds for a woman but can wait all day for a
fish.
%%
A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
%%
A man is only as big as things that make him mad.
 -- Henri Helanto
%%
A man is only as good as what he loves.
 -- Saul Bellow
%%
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with
a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
A man is the sum of his memories, you know--a Time Lord even moreso.
 -- Doctor, The Five Doctors
%%
A man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot have
everything.  A choice is all that is left to him.
 -- H. Matthews
%%
A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his
cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.
 -- Israel Zangwill (1884-1926)
%%
A man makes no noise over a good deed, but passes on to another as
a vine to bear grapes again in season.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, v, 6
%%
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered
 with sex and all that sort of thing.
%%
A man may be a very bad musician, and may yet be passionately in love with
music.
 -- H. G. Wells
%%
A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
A man may fight for many things. His country, his principles, his
  friends. The glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But
  personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an
  amusing clock and a sack of French porn.
 -- Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the
fish that hath fed of that worm.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
A man may, if he knows not how to save as he gets, keep his nose to
the grindstone.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
A man may love a paradox without either losing his wit or his honesty.
 -- Emerson
%%
A man may see how this world goes with no eyes. Look with thine ears:
see how yond justice rails upon yond simple thief. Hark, in thine
ear: change places; and, handy-dandy, which is the justice, which
is the thief?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 6
%%
A man may sometimes be forgiven the kiss to which he is not entitled,
but never the kiss he has not the initiative to claim.
%%
A man may well bring a horse to the water,
But he cannot make him drinke without he will.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
A man meets a girl at a party and asks her if she fancies a quick 68.
 "A 68 ?" asks the girl, "What's one of those then?"
 "Simple," says the bloke,"you give me a blow-job and I owe you one..."
%%
A man must consider what a rich realm he abdicates when he becomes
a conformist.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
A man must first govern himself ere he be fit to govern a family, and
his family ere he be fit to bear the government in the commonwealth.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
A man must have a certain amount of intelligent ignorance to get anywhere.
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some
 other man to take her off his hands.
 -- Sacha Guitry
%%
A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can digest.
 -- Havelock Ellis
%%
A man must sit with his mouth open for a long time
befpre a roast duck flies in.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
%%
A man never discloses his own character so clearly
 as when he describes another's.
 -- Jean Paul Richter
%%
A man never minds being in the doghouse
as long as he can get his tail outside.
%%
A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.
 -- Knights of Pythagoras
%%
A man of action, forced into a state of thought, is unhappy until he can
get out of it.
 -- Galsworthy
%%
A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional
and are the portals of discovery.
 -- James Joyce, "Ulysses"
%%
A man of God should be identifiable as a man of God in spite of his religion,
not because of it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A man of great common sense and good taste, -- meaning thereby a man without
originality or moral courage.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Notes. Julius Caesar"
%%
A man of means means more than a man who's mean.
%%
A man of my kidney.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
A man of pleasure is a man of pains.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night viii, Line 793
%%
A man of quality is not threatened by a woman of equality.
%%
A man of sovereign parts he is esteem'd;
Well fitted in arts, glorious in arms:
Nothing becomes him ill that he would well.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
A man of strife and a man of contention.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah xv, 10
%%
A man on a street corner, selling flowers, wearing sunglasses, holds
a sandwich board that reads:

             Roses are red
                 Violets are blue
              At least that's what they tell me
             Because I'm blind.
 -- Gary Larson, "Far Side"
%%
A man once asked Diogenes what was the proper time for supper, and
he made answer, "If you are a rich man, whenever you please; and if
you are a poor man, whenever you can."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
A man only gets circumcise once (cucumber often gets multiple cuts)
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
 -- Michelangelo [Buonarroti]
%%
A man parks his car in front of the main entrance of the Congress.
Immediately, a member of the security team goes after him yelling:
"Sir! Sir! You cannot park in here!  All the congressmen are about to
go out!" The man replies, "Don't worry.  I have a good alarm in my car."
%%
A man permits himself to be oppressed by stone,
And leans on thorns and thistles.
He enters his house and does not see his wife.
Misfortune.
%%
A man's action is only a picture book of his creed.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"

"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
sense of obligation."
 -- Stephen Crane,  "War is Kind", 1899
%%
A man's a man who looks a man right between the eyes.
%%
A man's best friend is his dogma.
%%
A man's best things are nearest him,
  Lie close about his feet.
 -- Richard Monckton Milnes (Lord Houghton) (1809-1885)
 -- The Men of Old
%%
A man's body is 70% water.  However, a dolphin's body is 0% water, so
dolphins have to live in the ocean.
 -- Steve Connelly
%%
A mans character is his destiny.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
A man's computer room is his castle.
%%
A man's delight in looking forward to and hoping for some particular
satisfaction is a part of the pleasure flowing out of it, enjoyed in
advance. But that is afterward decided, for the more we look forward to
anything the less we enjoy it when it comes.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
A man's duty? To be ready--with rifle or rood--to defend his home when the
showdown comes.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own.
 -- Thomas Mann
%%
A man's errors are what makes him amiable.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
A man serves best, when he serves himself.
%%
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy,
education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary.  Man
would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of
punishment and hope of reward after death.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
A man's feet should be planted in his country,
but his eyes should survey the world.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
A man's good breeding is the best security against another's bad manners.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
A man's gotta do - whatever his wife tells him to!
%%
A man's gotta know his limitations.
 -- Dirty Harry [Clint Eastwood] in "Magnum Force", 197
%%
A man's got to be his own savior.
%%
A man shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth
%%
A man's happiness,--to do the things proper to man.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, viii, 26
%%
A man's heart deviseth his way; but the Lord directeth his steps.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvi, 9
%%
A man's home may seem to be his castle on the outside; inside it is more
often his nursery.
%%
A man should be careful never to tell tales of himself to his own disadvantage;
people may be amused, and laugh at the time, but they will be remembered, and
brought up against him upon some subsequent occasion.
 -- Johnson
%%
A man should be greater than some of his parts.
%%
A man should be upright, not be kept upright.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 5
%%
A man should choose a woman and an ox from his own country.
%%
A man should never be ashamed to admit he has been in the wrong, which
is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
 -- Pope
%%
A man should not allow himself to hate even his enemies, because if you indulge
this passion on some occasions, it will rise of itself in others; if you hate
your enemies, you will contract such a vicious habit of mind, as by degrees
will break out upon those who are your friends, or those who are
indifferent to you.
 -- Plutarch
%%
A man's house is his hassle.
%%
A man's ingress into the world is naked and bare,
His progress through the world is trouble and care;
And lastly, his egress out of the world, is nobody knows where.
If we do well here, we shall do well there:
I can tell you no more if I preach a whole year.
 -- John Edwin (1749-1790)
 -- The Eccentricities of John Edwin (second edition),
 -- Vol. i, p. -- 74, London, 1791
%%
A man's legs must be long enough to reach the ground.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
A man's mother is his misfortune, his wife is his fault.
%%
A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third,
 takes the fourth, accepts the fifth--and endures all the rest.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
A man sometimes devotes his life to a desire which he is not sure
will ever be fulfilled.  Those who laugh at this folly are, after
all, no more than mere spectators of life.
 -- Ryunosuke Akutagawa
%%
A man sought medical aid because he was crippled and could hardly walk. The
 foot doctor suggested surgery. After the operation, nothing changed. The
 man then consulted a bone surgeon, who suggested surgery on his legs. After
 this second operation, nothing changed. The man went to a chiropractor for
 six months, and no change was effected, although he was told his spine was
 out of line. Finally the man consulted a psychiatrist at great expense, and
 the doctor told him he was totally suicidal and would die within months.
 Despondent, the man went out and spent a great deal of money on a new
 wardrobe. At the shoe store, he ordered the finest, a size 10. The
 salesperson said he needed size 11, but the man insisted on a size 10.
 "Look here," said the salesperson, "if you were a size 10 you are going to
 get crippled and wish you were dead."
%%
A man so various, that he seem'd to be
Not one, but all mankind's epitome;
Stiff in opinions, always in the wrong,
Was everything by starts, and nothing long;
But in the course of one revolving moon
Was chymist, fiddler, statesman, and buffoon.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 545
%%
A man's silence is wonderful to listen to.
 -- Thomas Hardy
%%
A man's true wealth is the good he does in the world.
 -- Mohammed
%%
A man that fortune's buffets and rewards
Hast ta'en with equal thanks.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
A man that hath friends must show himself friendly; and there is a
friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xviii, 24
%%
A man that 's fond precociously of stirring
      Must be a spoon.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Morning Meditations
%%
A man thinks differently in a palace and in a hut.
%%
A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.
 -- Herman Melville
%%
A man to carry on a successful business must have imagination.  He must
see things as in a vision, a dream of the whole thing.
 -- Charles M. Schwab
%%
A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy
to take care of his tools.
 -- Spanish proverb
%%
"Aman-Tut and Julius Caesar -- they both foresaw
 their untimely deaths, thousands of years ago, in
 this very oracle. And so did Max Headroom."
 -- ABC seeks after David Addison with help from a soothsayer, in MOONLIGHTING
%%
A manuscript for a market in which no textbooks currently exist will
be followed two weeks after contracting by an announcement of an
identical book by your closest competitor.
%%
A manuscript, like a fetus, is never improved by showing it to somebody
before it is completed.
%%
A man used to be rated on how well he achieved bringing home the bacon. All
 that has passed. Now, he is rated on how well he brings home the textured
 vegatable protein bacon flavored strips.
%%
A man walked into a bar. It hurt!
%%
A man walked into a haberdashery and said to the owner,
"Did you just see me come in?"
The owner replied,
"Yes, sir, I did."
"Ahhhh!" the man said. "Have you ever seen me before?"
The owner was puzzled. "No sir, never in my life."
"Ah Hah!" the man exclaimed. "Then how did you know it was me?"
%%
A man walks into a psychiatrists office and tells him, "I have an identity
problem...So do I."
%%
A man was late for work. "What's the idea of being late?" asked the boss.
 "Well, the alarm clock woke up everybody but me this morning."

 "What do you mean, the alarm clock woke up everybody in the family but
 you?"

 "Well, there's eight in our family and the clock was set for seven."
 -- "Senator" Ed Ford
%%
A man was praying to God one evening, and asked God, "God, in terms of the
vastness of your power and knowledge, what does a million dollars mean to
you?"  God replied, "A penny."  Then the man asked, "And, in terms of the
vastness of your power and knowledge, what does a million years mean to you?"
 God replied, "A second."  All excited, the man asked, "Well, then, can I
borrow a penny?", to which God replied, "In a second."
%%
A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot,
 and a man who dare not reason is a slave.
 -- William Drummond
%%
A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
A man who can't mind his own business is not to be trusted with the king's.
 -- Saville
%%
A man who carrys a cat by the tail is getting experience that will
always be helpful.  He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful.  Chances
are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either.  But
if he wants to, I say let him!
 -- Mark Twain
%%
A man who checks out of the express lane with seven items is the same man
who will wear Supp-Hose and park in the Reserved for Handicapped spaces.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
A man who claims to know what's good for others is dangerous.
 -- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
%%
A man who could make so vile a pun would not scruple to pick a pocket.
 -- John Dennis (1657-1734)
 -- The Gentleman's Magazine, Vol. li, Page 324
%%
A man who cries is capable of any evil.
%%
A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
A man who desires to get married should know everything or nothing.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
A man who enters into marriage thinking he will educate his wife is guilty
 of the same stupidity as a wife who enters into marriage thinking she will
 reform her new husband. Both of these folks are in for a lot of reform and
 a good deal of education, but it may not be as helpful as they thought.
%%
A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears:
 -- Montaigne
%%
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
%%
A man who has been the indisputable favourite of his mother keeps for
life the feeling of a conqueror.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing
another mistake.
 -- attributed to Confucius
%%
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but
if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)
%%
"A man who has no business being anyone's role
 model..."
 -- Kelvin Mace
%%
A man who has no eyes,
sess a tree with apples.
He takes no apples
He leaves no apples
 A one-eyed man sees a tree
 with two apples and takes
 one. (Notice use of plural
 vs singular)
%%
A man who is always forgetting his best intentions may be said to
be a thoroughfare of good resolutions.
 -- Mrs. Jameson
%%
A man who is always ready to believe what is told him will never do well.
 -- Gaius Petronius, "Satyricon"
%%
A man who is always satisfied with himself is seldom satisfied with
others.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
A man who is 'of sound mind' is one who keeps the inner madman under
lock and key.
 -- Paul Valery
%%
A man who is ungrateful is often less to blame than his benefactor.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 96
%%
A man who knows the world will not only make the most of everything
he does know, but of many things that he does not know; and will
gain more credit by his adroit mode of hiding his ignorance than
the pendant by his awkward attempt to exhibit his erudition.
 -- Colton
%%
A man who likes to lie in bed can usually find a girl willing to listen to him.
%%
A man, who not being certain of an item he reads in the newspaper, buys 100
copies of the paper to reassure himself of its truth.
 -- "I Think Therefore I Laugh" by John Allen Paulos
%%
A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks
 the whole world revolves around him--and it usually does.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth; one who never feels
The wanton stings and motions of the sense.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
A man who steals his neighbor's wife is not alone
%%
A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%%
A man who was loved by three hundred women singled me out to live with him.
 Why? I was the only one without a cat.
 -- Elayne Boosler
%%
A man will be a man all his life,
but a woman is only sexy till she becomes your wife.
 -- Al Bundy, (Married With Children)
%%
A man will beg, a man will crawl
on the sheer face of love, like a fly on a wall.
 -- U2
%%
A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims" 1804-1815
%%
A man with 3 wings and a dictionary is cousin to the turkey.
%%
A man with an erection is in no need of advice.
%%
A man with a watch knows what time it is.  A man with two watches
  is never sure.
 -- Segal's Law
%%
A man with no vision......
 should'nt drive
%%
A man without a horse is like a man without a weapon: stunted and naked.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
 A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
 -- Vique's Law
%%
A man without a woman is like a bird without a parachute.
Yeah, an emu!
%%
A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
%%
A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
%%
A man without passion would be like a body without a soul. Or even more
grotesque, like a soul without a body.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A man works hard to keep the wolf from the door.  Then his daughter grows up
and brings one home.
%%
A man would still do something out of sheer perversity - he would create
destruction and chaos - just to gain his point...and if all this could in
turn be analyzed and prevented by predicting that it would occur, then man
would deliberately go mad to prove his point.
 -- Feodor Dostoevsky, "Notes From the Underground"
%%
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
%%
"A map of the world without Utopia is not worth glancing at."
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Amarie: "And what do you want from me?"
Riker: "I was hoping you might know his business partners."
Amarie: "And why should I help you?"
Riker: "To be honest, I can't think of a good reason."
Amarie: "Well, you did kill my ex-husband.  And that's not a bad start.  So why
  don't you drop a few coins into the jar and I'll see what I remember."
Riker: "I don't carry money."
Amarie: "Well, you don't offer much, do you?"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Amarie: "And what would you like to hear?"
Riker: "Know some blues?"
Amarie: "Look at me, mister.  What'd you think?"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Amarie: "A new face."
Riker: "Same one I've always had."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Amarie: "So who are you looking for?"
Riker: "Who says I'm looking for anybody?"
Amarie: "Your face, your uniform, in a place like this?"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Amarie: "Suck salt?"
Riker: "Never cared for it."
Amarie: "Hmm, good for you.  Nasty habit."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
A married man sho wants to conceal his drunken infidelities can easily
wake up in the morning wondering who he's lying next to.
%%
A martyr is a hero who didn't make it.
%%
A mass enormous! which in modern days
No two of earth's degenerate sons could raise.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xx, Line 337
%%
A massive stone tablet imbedded in the wall reads:
Congratulations on bringing light into the dark-room!
%%
A massive walk-in safe takes up the entire north wall.  It is tightly
closed, and has no handle, lock, nor keyhole.
%%
A mass of ice fills the western half of the room.
%%
A Master of Art
Is not worth a fart.
 -- Andrew Boorde (1490?-1549)
%%
A masterpiece by a neglected genius is here.
%%
A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his
novices.  "The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how
insignificant," said the master.

"Is Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.

"It is," came the reply.

"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.

"It is even in a video game," said the master.

"And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?"

The master coughed and shifted his position slightly.
"The lesson is over for today," he said.
 -- "The Tao of Programming"
%%
Amateur electrician:  the crispy thing hanging from the ceiling.
%%
Amateur hour:  That 60 minutes after the bars close...
%%
Amateur radio operators do it with frequency.
%%
Amateurs built the ARK, professionals built the TITANIC! None the less, I
 would still prefer that the surgeon operate on me, not the carpenter.
%%
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat
which isn't there.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
 -- Paul Erdos
%%
A mathematician is showing a new proof he came up with to a
large group of peers.  After he's gone through most of it,
one of the mathematicians says "Wait!  That's not true.  I have
a counter-example!"

He replies, "That's okay.  I have two proofs."
%%
A mathematician is somebody who can do multiplication without a calculator...
%%
Amaze your friends.
%%
AMAZING ANCIENT SYRIAN MONOLITH CURES SEXUAL FRIGIDITY
%%
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
%%
Amazing how much you learn after thinking you know it all
%%
Amazon Martian SysOps are the BEST!!!!
%%
Ambidextrose: Able to put sugar in tea with either hand.
%%
Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket
or a left.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ambidextrous instructors will erase with one hand while writing with
the other.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Ambiguity is invariant.
 -- Hartz' Uncertainty Principle
%%
Ambiguity is the preserve of the nimble minded, yet frozen lipped.
%%
Ambiguity means telling the truth when you don't mean to.
%%
AMBITION:
An ant crawling up an elephant's leg with rape on his mind.
%%
Ambition destroys its possessor.
%%
Ambition has but one reward for all:
A little power,
a little transient fame,
a grave to rest in,
and a fading name.
 -- William Winter
%%
Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to
touch the heavens.
 -- William Lilly
%%
Ambition, idly vain; revenge and malice swell her train.
 -- Penrose
%%
Ambition is a dream with a v8 engine.
 -- Elvis
%%
Ambition is a lust that is never quenched, but grows more inflamed and
madder by enjoyment.
 -- Thomas Otway
%%
Ambition is an idol, on whose wings great minds are carried only
to extreme; To be sublimely great or to be nothing.
 -- Southey
%%
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
 -- Charlie McCarthy
%%
Ambition is in fact the avarice of power.
%%
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus's-flytrap.
The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog
because it only has little tiny plant teeth.
But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals.
 -- Denham
%%
Ambition is not a vice of little people.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
Ambition is so powerful a passion in the human breast, that however high
we reach we are never satisfied.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Ambition is the germ from which all growth of nobleness proceeds.
 -- Thomas Dunn English
%%
Ambition is the last refuge of failure.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Ambition, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while
living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ambition often puts men upon doing the mesaest offices:  so climbing is
performed in the same posture with creeping.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Ambition's like a circle on the water, which never ceases to enlarge
itself, 'till by broad spreading it disperse to nought.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Ambition: The dropsy'd thirst of empire, wealth or fame.
 -- Nugent
%%
Ambition: The glorious frailty of the noble mind.
 -- Hoole
%%
Ambition usually progresses through the following stages: to be like Dad,
to be a millionaire, to make enough to pay the bills,
to hang on long enough to draw a pension.
%%
Ambivalent? Maybe I am and maybe I'm not ...
%%
AMBLIN PRESS RELEASE: The New Dr.Who will be played by ...
%%
Ambulance does NOT equal taxi!
%%
Ambulance drivers come quicker.
%%
Ambulance Driving: Adam Muhway
%%
"AMDAC?????" asked the disgruntled FE.
%%
AM DISC JOCKEYS do it with Modulated Amplitude.
%%
A MEETING - A mass mulling of master-minds.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the
hours are lost.
 -- Gourd's Axiom
%%
A meeting is a place where people get together to talk about what
they should be doing.
%%
A meeting lasts at least one and a half hours, however short the agenda.
 -- Denys Parsons
%%
Amelia Rumford: Can I ask you a personal question?
 Doctor: Well, I don't see how I can stop you asking.
 Rumford: [Are you from outer space?]
 Doctor: No, I'm more from what you would call inner time.
 Stones of Blood
%%
A member of the Don't Let The Fungi From Yuggoth Breed Society
%%
A member of your family will soon do something that will make you proud.
%%
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
 -- Acheson's Rule of Bureauracracy
%%
A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely
unhappen.
 -- Edward de Bono
%%
Amending the Constitution to protect the flag is not a matter of
partisan politics.  It's an American issue.
 -- President George Bush, holding a miniature version of the Iwo Jima memorial
%%
Amend your ways and your doings.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah vii, 3; xxvi, 13
%%
A mental midget.
 -- Moe Howard
%%
A mere bag of shells.
%%
A mere madness, to live like a wretch and die rich.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 12
%%
America ... a great social and economic experiment, noble in motive and
far- reaching in purpose.
 -- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964)
%%
America: born free and taxed to death.
%%
America does not seek aggression...nor does it seek to chart the destiny
 of other nations...
 -- George Bush
%%
AMERICA finds it at Waldenbooks.
%%
America Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
America! half-brother of the world!
With something good and bad of every land.
 -- Philip James Bailey (1816-1902)
 -- Festus, Scene, The Surface
%%
America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
America has believed that in differentiation, not in uniformity, lies
the path of progress.  It acted on this belief; it has advanced human
happiness, and it has prospered.
 -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941)
%%
America has furnished to the world the character of Washington. And
if our American institutions had done nothing else, that alone would
have entitled them to the respect of mankind.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Completion of Bunker Hill Monument, June 17, 1843, p. 105
%%
America has meant to the world a land in which the common man who means
well and is willing to do his part has access to all the necessary means
of a good life.
 -- Alvin Saunders Johnson
%%
AMERICA HELD HOSTAGE!  To conservative ideas that don't work!
%%
AMERICA: Home of the richest poor people in the world.
%%
America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
 -- Allen Ginsberg
%%
America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
 -- Allen Ginsberg
%%
America is a country of young men.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
America is a country that can choke on a gnat, or swallow tigers.
 -- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
    America is a country that doesn't know where it is going
but is determined to set a speed record getting there.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
America is a country where they have freedom of speech but everyone
says the same thing.
 -- Tocqueville
%%
America is a dream to most of the world.
%%
America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room.  Every time it
wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
 -- Arnold Joseph Toynbee
%%
America is a mistake, a giant mistake.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
"America is a stronger nation for the ACLU's uncompromising effort."
 -- President John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
America is a tune. But it must be sung in harmony.
%%
America!!  I saw it all!!  Vomiting!  Waving!  JERRY FALWELLING into
 your void tube of UHF oblivion!!  SAFEWAY of the mind --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
America is great, because America is free.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
America is just not what it used to be!
%%
America is like a melting pot.
The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.
 -- Charlie King
%%
America is not a mere body of traders; it is a body of free men.  Our
greatness is built upon our freedom -- is moral, not material.   We have
a great ardor for grain; but we have a deep passion for the rights of
man.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
America is not merely a nation but a nation of nations.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for
one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
 -- John Barrymore
%%
America is the greatest of opportunities and the worst of influences.
 -- George Santayana
%%
America is the only country founded on a good ideal.
%%
America is the only country left where we teach languages so that
no pupil can speak them.
 -- John Erskine
%%
America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone
directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval
of civilization.
 -- George Clemenceau (1841-1929) (also attributed to Oscar Wilde)
%%
America lives in the heart of every man everywhere who wishes to find a
region where he will be free to work out his destiny as he chooses.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
America:  log on or log off
%%
America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from
barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.
 -- John O'Hara
%%
America My Country: last nation on earth to abolish human slavery; first of
all nations to drop the nuclear bomb on our fellow human beings.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
"American Airlines. Fly with us and you won't walk again."
 -- Sign seen in L.A.
%%
American beer is like sex in a canoe. F***ing close to water!
%%
American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective
employees be honest and hardworking.  It has even stopped hoping for
employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference
between the men's room and the women's room without having little
pictures on the doors.
 -- Dave Barry, "Urine Trouble, Mister"
%%
American by birth, confederate by the grace of God.
%%
American by birth, conservative by the grace of God.
%%
American by birth, Southern by the grace of God.
%%
American by birth, TEXAN by the grace of God.
%%
American cars are made shoddily...
Cars made overseas are far superior.
 -- Senator Barry Goldwater
%%
American college students are like American colleges - each has half-dulled
faculties.
 -- James Thurber
%%
"American comic books are militaristic propaganda!
 And much too expensive!"
 -- Well, they are! From "The American"
%%
American culture is based on the automobile, and any young man of promise is
going to own one and want to travel great distances in it.  Consequently, any
young woman of aspiration should expect to spend most of her vacations in a
car, probing into unfamiliar corners.  She is not required to know how to drive
but she will certainly be expected to read the road map while her husband
drives, and if she can't, or if she's abnormally slow in giving him help, she's
bound to cause trouble.  Therefore, you'd think that colleges which train the
bright young women who're going to marry the bright young men who are going to
own the Cadillacs that roar back and forth across this continent would teach
the girls to read maps.  None do. They teach a hundred other useless things,
but never a word about the one that will cause the greatest friction.
 -- James Michener, "Space"
%%
American culture
 -- Oxymoron
%%
American elect Democrats to Congress so they'll be
given what they want and Republicans to the White House so
they won't have to pay for it--neither one works
%%
American English: The language of Presidents!
%%
American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
American Non Sequitur Society--we don't make sense, but
we do like pizza
%%
American politics: The walruses herding the oysters.
%%
Americans are an energetic, ingenious, creative people. One index
to this fact is that since the establishment of the patent system
in 1836, there have been more than 3.75 million patents issued.
%%
Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while
Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.
 -- J. Bartlett Brebner
%%
Americans are big boys. You can talk them into almost anything. Sit with
 them for half an hour over a bottle of whiskey and be a nice guy.
 -- Nguyen Cao Ky
%%
Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person
 can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman,
 but if a man doesn't drive there's something wrong with him.
 -- Art Buchwald
%%
Americans are just not what they used to be!
%%
Americans are people who insist on living in the present, tense.
%%
Americans can eat garbage, provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup,
 mustard, chili sauce, Tabasco sauce, cayenne pepper, or any other condiment
 which destroys the original flavor of the dish.
 -- Henry Miller
%%
Americans' greatest fear is that America
will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.
 -- Shirley Hazzard, "Transit of Venus"
%%
Americans have always attached particular value to the word "neighbor."
While the spirit of neighborliness was important on the frontier
because neighbors were so few, it is even more important now because
our neighbors are so many.
 -- Lady Bird Johnson
%%
Americans have different ways of saying things.  They say `elevator',
 we say `lift'...they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic
 git'....
 -- Alexi Sayle
%%
Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike
the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to
trust the people with arms.
 -- James Madison
%%
American showgirl Carol Gale initiated a malpractice suit after a plastic
 surgeon accidentally injected her with Silly Putty instead of silicone.
 Carol claimed that overnight she went from a 34B to a 42 long."
 -- Dick Martin
%%
Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to
 the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.'   We have opted instead
 for an authoritarian system *disguised* as a Democracy.  We pay through
 the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and
 then wonder how all those assholes got in there.
 --   Frank Zappa
%%
Americans love a winner... and WILL NOT TOLERATE a loser.
%%
American Society for Zero Defects
%%
Americans suffer from emotional chaos without reason.
%%
American stuntmen are smart -- they think about safety.  When they do
a jump in a car, they calculate everything: the speed, the distance... But
in Hong Kong, we don't know how to count.  Everything we do is a guess. 
If you've got the guts, you do it.  All of my stuntmen have gotten hurt. 
I say, 'Do it!  Camera, action, jump!' Boom!  Ambulance!  Hospital!  Next
stuntman!
 -- Jackie Chan, actor, director, and stuntman.
%%
"Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't
 cross the thin line between cute and demonic."
 -- Ian Shoales
%%
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
 -- Dan Rather
%%
[Americans will soon observe the 20th anniversary of] Neil Armstrong and
Buzz Lukens' walk on the moon.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle confusing the sexual
 -- assaulter/Congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 7/15/89
 -- Los Angeles Times (7/16/89)
%%
America's 5 Most Feared Words: "Dan, I don't feel well."
%%
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
 -- Ilka Chase
%%
America's favorite sport is talking. Football is really just talk. You only
 get about four and a half seconds of action and then everybody talks. The
 commentators talk, the spectators talk, even the players get together and
 talk. Then they go back, sadly silent, play for another four and a half
 seconds, and then they get together and talk again!
 -- John Cleese
%%
America's favorite whine: "It's not my fault!"
%%
America's perfect couple: Lorena Bobbitt & Bob Packwood
%%
America's Team is back! -- Go Cowboys!
%%
America the beautiful.
%%
America, the land of distant relatives.
 -- Sherry
%%
America, the land of opportunity for Japanese businessmen.
%%
America! the land of the Chrysler 440 cubic inch engine!
%%
America trusts us.
%%
America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him,
until people
got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to
"America".
 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
America was not discovered by Americans, shame on them.
%%
America wasn't founded so that we could all be better.  America was
founded so we could all be anything we damn well please.
 -- P.J. O'Rourke
%%
America, where you park on the driveway!
%%
A merrier man,
Within the limit of becoming mirth,
I never spent an hour's talk withal.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvii, 22
%%
A merry heart goes all the day,
Your sad tires in a mile-a.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Winter's Tale
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
A merry heart lives long.
 -- William Shakespeare, King Henry IV, Act II, Sc. 5
%%
A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xv, 13
%%
A ^Merry^ Messy Kweznuz
%%
A merry monarch, scandalous and poor.
 -- Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)
 -- On the King
%%
A message from Bob brings sunshine into my day.
%%
A Message From Our Sponsor TRAP000E ERRCD=0000 ERACC=** ERLIM=*****
%%
A message from the Anybody But Bush campaign:  Saddam Hussein
still has a job, Do you?
%%
A message from the depths of Hell!
%%
A metallic voice says, "Hello, Intruder!  Your unauthorized presence
in the vault area of the Bank of Zork has set off all sorts of nasty
surprises, several of which seem to have been fatal.  This message
brought to you by the Frobozz Magic Alarm Company."
%%
A metaphor is like a simile.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
A method of solution is perfect if we can forsee from the start,
and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.
 -- Leibnitz
%%
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed
on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new
game.  Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly
along it at the water's edge.  Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their
heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn
around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite
direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
fall over gently onto their backs.
 -- Audobon Society Magazine
%%
A Mexican _WILL_ blink when hit by a hammer.
%%
Amiable weaknesses of human nature.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (1776), Chap. xiv
%%
Amiable weakness.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Jones, Book x, Chap. viii
%%
Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Am I a law-abiding gun owner? Depends, what's the law today?
%%
Am I at Wits End, Or just stuck in my chair?
%%
Am I a ZAPF Dingbat?  V^\_o^o_/^V
%%
Am I crazy to expect my deposit back
%%
AMICUS PURIAE - Platonic friend.
%%
A mid-air collision can seriously erode climb performance.
 -- Barry Schiff
%%
Amid all the confusion, Fred was talking to All about Hockey taglines??
%%
"Amid all the noise about the Joan Rivers
 cancellation, ABC has canceled `Our World', which
 featured Linda Ellerbee.  The two unemployed women
 plan to get together and open up a chain of charm
 schools in Libya."
 -- Dennis Miller, SNL News
%%
Amid a multitude of projects, no plan is devised.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 319
%%
A midget had a date with a very tall girl. It was a quiff-hanger.
%%
Amid the desolation, you spot what appears to be your head,
tastefully impaled on the end of a long pole.
%%
Amid the roses fierce Repentance rears
Her snaky crest.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Spring, Line 996
%%
Am I elected yet?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Am I experiencing widespread political corruption yet?
%%
AMIGA: Amiga Meets IBM, Goes Ape
%%
AMIGA - Amiga's Make Incredibly Good Ashtrays
%%
Amiga: A museum artifact.
%%
Amiga, banned in the 90's for impersonating a computer..!
%%
Amiga.  Because a man can never have too many tasks.
%%
Amiga CD^32 -- always on the top.
%%
Amiga: computer for those who like to swim against the current.
%%
Amiga: Computer With Training Wheels you Can't Remove
%%
Amiga Error #2 User reached puberty, unable to continue
%%
Amiga -> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
%%
Amiga - Motorola Inside
%%
Amiga: Newest Ophan on the Block..
%%
Amiga: No Intel Inside.
%%
AMIGA: on the endangered species list.
%%
Amiga -- over 256,000,000,000 pixels sold.
%%
Amigas are great for multitasking - paperweight AND doorstop.
%%
Amigas are to computing what Barney is to entertainment..
%%
Amigas!?.  'nuff said.
%%
Amiga: the computer for the creative mind
MacIntosh: The computer for the rest of us
%%
Amiga - the step between Nintendo and IBM.
%%
Amiga:  Yesterday's technology, tomorrow.
%%
Amiga?!  You mean a toy computer? :-)
%%
A mighty creature is the germ,
Though smaller than the pachyderm.
His customary dwelling place
Is deep within the human race.
His childish pride he often pleases
By giving people strange diseases.
Do you, my poppet, feel infirm?
You probably contain a germ.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
A mighty fortress is our God,
  A bulwark never failing;
Our helper He amid the flood
  Of mortal ills prevailing.
 -- Martin Luther (1483-1546)
 -- Psalm, Ein feste Burg ist unser Gott (trans. by Frederic H, Hedge)
%%
A mighty hunter, and his prey was man.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Windsor Forest, Line 61
%%
A mighty pain to love it is,
And 't is a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- From Anacreon, vii, Gold
%%
A mighty work deserves a mighty theme.
 -- Herman Melville
%%
Am I going overboard yet?
%%
Am I going too far yet?
%%
Am I half crazy, or half sane?  And do I really care?
%%
Am I hallucinating or something??
%%
Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Am I late?  Did I miss the fight?  En garde!
 -- Holo-Riker, "Hollow Puruits,"  stardate 43807.4.
%%
A mile, walked with a friend, has only one hundred steps.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
 -- Heidi Sandige
%%
A military disaster may produce a better postwar situation than victory.
 -- Shimon Tzabar
%%
A Millet man tried to have his marriage voided when he found out her
father didn't have a license for his shotgun.
%%
Am I my brother's keeper?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis iv, 9
%%
A mind content both crown and kingdom is.
 -- Greene
%%
A mind forever voyaging through strange seas of thought, alone.
 -- William Wordsworth
%%
A mind is a terrible thing.
%%
A mind is a terrible thing--it must be stopped before
it kills again.
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to have leaking out your ears.
 -- The League of Sadistic Telepaths
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to lay off.
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to lose.......
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to ..OOOH a new video game!
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to ..OOOH!!! Mail packets!
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to taste.
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to ...uhhh...I forget...
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
%%
A mind is a terrible thing to waste someone with.
 -- Sledge Hammer
%%
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.
%%
A mind may be a terrible thing to waste, But a waist is a terrible thing to
mind.
%%
A mind not to be chang'd by place or time.
The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.
What matter where, if I be still the same,
And what I should be, all but less than he
Whom thunder hath made greater? here at least
We shall be free; the almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence;
Here we may reign secure, and, in my choice,
To reign is worth ambition, though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.
 -- Satan, from John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 253
%%
A ministering angel shall my sister be.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
A minister says matrimony should be enduring.  It is.
%%
A minor difficulty, if given time and a bit of energy, can be teased up
 into a truly major catastrophe. (This is NOT a Dan Quayle Joke, so knock it
 off!)
%%
Am I not a man and a brother?
 -- From a medallion by Wedgwood (1787), representing a negro in chains,
 -- with one knee on the ground, and both hands lifted up to heaven.
 -- This was adopted as a characteristic seal by
 -- the Antislavery Society of London
%%
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Am I pleased or frightened?
%%
Am I ranting?  I hope so.  My ranting gets raves.
%%
A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
%%
A miser is someone who earns his money the hoard way.
%%
Am I SHOPLIFTING?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
A miss is as good as a mile.
%%
Am I then...not popular?
Um...well, put it this way...When people slip in what dogs have left in
  the street they do tend to say, 'Whoops - I've trod in an Edmund'.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Money
%%
Am I to understand that you people sell dead, fried cats?
%%
Amityville - A good Place To Be From - Far From!
%%
AMM: Add Mayo and Mustard
%%
AMM: Answer My Mail
%%
Amnesia is not knowing who one is and wanting desperately to find
out.  Euphoria is not knowing who one is and not caring.  Ecstasy
is knowing exactly who one is -- and still not caring.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
Amnesia rules - O
%%
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
%%
AMNESTY, n.  The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would
be too expensive to punish.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A mob has many heads, but no brains.
%%
A mockery king of snow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A modem in every computer!
%%
A modem jury rigged from spare electronic
parts and a wooden staff normally used to
play billiards.
 -- Acoustic Modem
%%
A moderator AND a tagline thief... JUST SHOOT ME!
%%
A Moderator's job is never done!
%%
A moderator's power ends at his echo.  A sysop's ends at his board.
%%
A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
 -- Churchill
%%
A modest woman, dressed out in all her finery,
is the most tremendous object in the whole creation.
 -- Goldsmith
%%
A modification of the Delta motto we used after a Delta flight crashed on
 approach at the Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport:
         Delta---We almost got you there
%%
:amoeba: n. Humorous term for the Commodore Amiga personal computer.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Amoebit:  Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
%%
A Mogwai is simply a highly evolved Tribble.
%%
A momentary moment of slackness...
%%
A moment of agony that transcends all moments of agony. I hope this story
 is true, because it's too beautiful to be a lie. A man is at a long table.
 There are twenty-five people seated about this table, enjoying a formal
 supper. This man is meeting for the first time his prospective in-laws.
 It's a very stiff affair, white tie, he's trying desperately to behave
 tonight. At one point during the meal, he glances down into his lap and he
 notices that he has forgotten to do something terribly important. Very
 surreptitiously he reaches down and makes the adjustment. And everything is
 fine. A few minutes later he gets up to excuse himself. And the whole
 tablecloth goes with him.
 -- Shelley Berman
%%
A Moment's Halt--a momentary taste
Of BEING from the Well amid the Waste--
  And, Lo! the phantom Caravan has reach'd
The NOTHING it set out from. Oh, make haste!
 -- Omar Khayyam (died c.1133)
 -- Rubaiyat, Stanza xlviii
%%
Among animals, it's eat or be eaten. Among people it's
define or be defined.
%%
Among a people generally corrupt, liberty cannot long exist.
%%
Among civilized nations reason has always been an occupational hazard.
%%
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
 -- Horngren's Observation
%%
Among mankind money is far more persuasive than logical argument.
 -- Euripides
%%
Among mortals second thoughts are wisest.
 -- Euripides
%%
Among politicians and businessmen, *Pragmatism* is the current term for "To
hell with our children."
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Amongst so many borrowed things, I am glad if I can steal one, disguising
and altering it for some new service.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xii
%%
Among the chief worries of today's business executives is the
large number of unemployed still on the payrolls.
%%
Among the damned, you are the chosen one.
%%
Among the locky, your name is anathema.
%%
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
%%
Among the many handicaps of old age which must be lived with is wisdom.
%%
Among the porcupines, rape is unknown.
 -- Gregory Clark
%%
Among the runners finishing last was an older man wearing a T-shirt
that proclaimed 'Abominably Slow Man.'
%%
Among the things that is next to impossible, when it comes to putting off
 till tomorrow those things we don't intend doing today is procrastination.
%%
Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common donominator,
but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
 -- W. H. Auden
%%
Among twenty snowy mountains the only moving thing was the eye of the
black bird.
%%
Among unequals what society
Can sort, what harmony, or true delight?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 383
%%
Among what he called his precepts were such as these: Do not stir
the fire with a sword. Do not sit down on a bushel. Do not devour
thy heart.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pythagoras, xvii
%%
A monied aristocracy in our country ... has already set the government
at defiance.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
A monitor system named DOS
Became superseded by OS.
It's not hard to guess
Why the consequent mess
Caused programmers all to scream "S.O.S."
 -- The Great Quux May 1973
%%
A monk asked Nansen, "Is there any great spiritual
 teaching that has not been preached to the people?"

 Nansen said, "There is."

 "What is the truth that has not been taught?"

 "Nothing," Nansen replied.
%%
A monkey was my great, great, great, great.....
%%
A monk said to Joshu, "I have just entered this
 monastery. Please teach me."

 "Have you eaten your breakfast?" Joshu asked.

 "Yes, I have," replied the student.

 "Then you had better wash your bowl."
%%
A monk said to Joshu, "Your stone bridge is widely
 renowned, but coming here I find only a heap of rocks."

 Joshu said, "You see only the stones and not the bridge."

 The monk said, "What is the bridge?"

 Joshu said, "What do you think we are walking on?"
%%
A monk sat with his three students. He took out his
 fan and placed it in front of him, saying, "Without calling
 it a fan, tell me what this is."

 The first said, "You couldn't call it a slop-bucket."
 The master poked him with his stick.

 The second picked up the fan and fanned himself. He too
 was rewarded with the stick.

 The third opened the fan, laid a piece of cake on it,
 and served it to his teacher. The teacher said, "Eat your cake."
%%
A monk, taking a bamboo stick, said to the people,
 "If you call this a stick, you fall into the trap of words,
 but if you do not call it a stick, you contradict facts.
 So what do you call it?"

 At that time a monk in the assembly came forth.
 He snatched the stick, broke it in two, and threw the pieces
 across the room.
%%
A monopolist is a person who keeps an elbow on each arm of his theatre chair.
%%
A monstrous mind is a toy for ever.
%%
A Moose once bit my sister ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
A moose on the road is a Canadian stop sign....
%%
A moral, sensible, and well-bred man
Will not affront me,--and no other can.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 193
%%
Amor, ch'al cor gentil ratto s'apprende,
  prese costui de la bella persona
  che mi fu tolta; e 'l modo ancor m'offende.
Amor, ch'a nullo amato amar perdona,
  mi prese del costui piacer si` forte,
  che, come vedi, ancor non m'abbandona.
Amor condusse noi ad una morte.

Love, which is quickly kindled in a gentle heart,
  seized this one for the fair form
  that was taken from me-and the way of it affects me still.
Love, which absolves no loved one from loving,
  seized me so strongly with delight in him,
  that, as you see, it does not leave me even now.
Love brought us to one death.
 -- Dante, La Divina Commedia: Inferno V, vv. 100-106
%%
A more intimate theology, and one more consonant with the nature of...love,
pictures a demonic force engaged in continuous creation and participation.
 -- Iris Murdoch
%%
"A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a
good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious
scruples and the police."
 -- Mr. Dooley
%%
A morsel for a monarch.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
A morsel of genuine history is a thing so rare as to be always valuable.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Amor Vincit Omnia (Love conquers all)
%%
Amos always said he wanted to be cremated when he died. His brother, trying
 to honor the wish of Amos, shopped carefully among the several funeral
 homes, and finally found one that was somewhat cheaper than the rest,
 proving that a penny saved is a penny urned. (This should be cremated, it
 is just downright awful! Terribly sorry, really, about this.)
%%
A mosquito was heard to complain
That a chemist had poisoned his brain
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
diphenyltrichloroethane

 -- From the Seattle Food Garden Newsletter,
 -- put out by the Washington State University's
 -- Extension Service and King County
%%
... a most excellent barbarian ... Genghis Kahn!
 -- _Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure_
%%
A most unspotted lily shall she pass
To the ground, and all the world shall mourn her.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
A mother first realises the meaning of the "Spitting Image"
when she feeds her baby cereal for breakfast!
%%
A mother-in-law is often a mother.
%%
A mother is a mother still,
The holiest thing alive.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
A mother is not a dust rag.
%%
A mother of quintuplets gave spouse a separate bedroom.
%%
A mother pampering a child is raising a serpent.
%%
A mother's sorrow is more true, honorable, and beautiful than the detachment
of the sage.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy,
and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.
 -- Frost
%%
A motion to abend is always in order.
%%
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
 -- Parker's Rule of Parliamentary Procedure
%%
A motor will rotate in the wrong direction.
%%
A mountain was in labour, sending forth dreadful groans, and there
was in the region the highest expectation. After all, it brought forth
a mouse.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book iv, Fable 23, 1
%%
Amount of pizza eaten each day in the U.S.: 75 acres.
 -- "Harper's Magazine"
%%
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
%%
A mouse may be useful, but only as cat food.
%%
:amper: n. Common abbreviation for the name of the ampersand (`&',
   ASCII 0100110) character.  See {{ASCII}} for other synonyms.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:amp off: [Purdue] vt. To run in {background}.  From the UNIX shell `&'
   operator.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
AMR: The girlfriend in THE CRYING GAME is actually a guy.
%%
AMS: Add Memory to System
%%
Amsterdam, the motherland of small rodents.
%%
A much-discussed alternative to homogeneous big-bang nucleosynthesis
has been
the first-order quark-hadron phase-transition-inspired inhomogeneous model.
%%
A mule in a tux is still a mule.
%%
Amulets are hard to make. Even for a wand of wishing.
%%
A Multitasking Timex Sinclair
 -- Matt Sorrels in reference to Andrew running X-Windows
%%
A murderer is one who is presumed to be innocent until proven insane.
%%
A murderer is only an extroverted suicide.
 -- Graham Chapman
%%
Amusements to virtue are like breezes of air to the flame- gentle
ones will fan it, but strong ones will put it out.
 -- David Thomas
%%
Amusement:  the happiness of those who cannot think.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Amusement to an observing mind is study.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
%%
A mushroom cloud on the horizon, 24 empty missile tubes-
-now it's Miller time
%%
A musician, an artist, an architect:
  the man or woman who is not one of these is not a Christian.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
 A musician of more ambition than talent composed an elegy at
the death of composer Edward MacDowell.  She played the elegy for the
pianist Josef Hoffman, then asked his opinion.  "Well, it's quite
nice," he replied, but don't you think it would be better if..."
 "If what?" asked the composer.
 "If ... if you had died and MacDowell had written the elegy?"
%%
A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.
 -- Sir Thomas Beecham
%%
A mutated, superior man could also be a wonderful thing ... the
  forerunner of a new and better kind of human being!
 -- Dr. Elizabeth Dehaver, "Where No Man Has Gone Before," stardate 1312.9.
%%
A mysterious recorded voice groans into life and announces:
"This exit is closed.  Please leave via main office."
%%
A myth is a moth's sister.
 -- Stan Laurel
%%
A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
 -- James Feibleman, "Understanding Philosophy", 1973
%%
An 11 is a 10 who doesn't have headaches.
%%
An 18-year-old boy, if he's properly formed, is ruled by the cruise
missile in his pants. The taut heartstrings and the fanciful talk --
they're all just formalities to getting laid; and when a
drop-dead-gorgeous girl at once abets and staves you off, ax murderers
and priests are born. Luckily, I had the Roubidoux bouldering circuit
to vent my frustrations upon--probably the only thing that kept me
sane.
 -- John Long, "A Fool and His Money"
%%
An 8080 in a 68000 environment.
%%
An able man shows his spirit by gentle words and resolute actions;
he is neither hot nor timid.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
An absence, the decline of a dinner invitation, an unintentional coldness,
 can accomplish more than all the cosmetics and beautiful dresses in the
 world.
 -- Marcel Proust
%%
An abstract term is like a valise with a false bottom, you may put in it
what ideas you please, and take them out again, without being observed.
%%
An Academic speculated whether a bather is beautiful
 if there is none in the forest to admire her. He hid
 in the bushes to find out, which vitiated his premise
 but made him happy.
 Moral: Empiricism is more fun than speculation.
 -- Sam Weber
%%
An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government
economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
 -- Newlan's Truism
%%
An accommodating vice is better than an obstinate virtue.
%%
Anacharsis coming to Athens, knocked at Solon's door, and told him
that he, being a stranger, was come to be his guest, and contract
a friendship with him; and Solon replying, "It is better to make friends
at home," Anacharsis replied, "Then you that are at home make friendship
with me."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Solon
%%
Anacharsis said a man's felicity consists not in the outward and visible
favours and blessings of Fortune, but in the inward and unseen perfections
and riches of the mind.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- The Banquet of the Seven Wise Men, 11
%%
An acquired player fades, a traded player rises to stardom.
 -- Knox's Principle
%%
An actor entering through the door, you've got nothing. But if he enters
 through the window, you've got a situation.
 -- Billy Wilder
%%
An actor is a sculptor who carves in snow.
 -- Edwin Booth
%%
An actor without buck teeth can play the Easter Bunny.
%%
An addlepated individual and his specie divaricate with prematurity.
%%
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
%%
An ad hominy argument is gritless.
%%
An adulteress was condemned to the electric blanket.
%%
An adult is a deteriorated child.
%%
An adult is one who has ceased to grow vertically but not horizontally.
%%
"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly
 considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure
 wrongly considered."
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
An advertisement offers to make your fortune, instructions sent on
 receipt of $1. The reply is -- "Do as we do."
%%
ANAESTHETISTS do it until you fall asleep
%%
An after debt experience requires use of scissors.
%%
An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine,
 but because people refuse to see it.
 -- James Michener, "Space"
%%
An agent is a vampire with a telephone.
 -- Any Editor
%%
An agreeable companion on a journey is as good as a carriage.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 143
%%
"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the
agreement have reached an agreement."
 -- Irish Politician on RTE radio, from John O'Sullivan (Dublin, Ireland)
%%
An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
An A is easily obtained if a student calls his instructor "Professor."
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
A naked man fears no pickpocket.
%%
An alcoholic is an enemy who drinks as much as you do.
%%
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own
 physician.
 -- Barach's Rule
%%
An alcoholic is one who drinks to forget that he drinks and can lay on the
 floor and forget to hold on.
%%
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
 -- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
An algorithm must be seen to be believed.
 -- D. E. Knuth
%%
Analog hackers do it continuously.
%%
Analog
Hors d'oeuvre, usually made with cheese and covered with crushed
nuts.  Served at all staff parties.
%%
Anal retentive people don't give a crap.
%%
ANALysis of Liberal diets show they need a lot more fiber
%%
ANALYSTS PANIC: Prime numbers missing from IEEE floating point?
 -- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog.  Few people are interested,
and the frog dies of it.
 -- E. B. Waite
%%
Analyzing humour is like analyzing a frog :
you can do it, but the frog tends to die in the process.
%%
An amateur thinks it's really funny if you dress a man up as an old lady, put
him in a wheelchair, and give the wheelchair a push that sends it spinning down
a slope towards a stone wall.  For a pro, it's got to be a real old lady.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie abroad for the commonwealth.
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- Reliquiae Wottonianae
%%
 An ambitious and aggressive mother conned pianist Arthur Rubinstein into
 listening to her 10-year-old son murder a nocturne by Chopin. At the
 conclusion of the massacre, Rubinstein announced, "Madam, that is
 undoubtedly the worst piano playing I ever heard." Whereupon the mother
 nodded happily and told her son, "You see, stupid? Now will you give up
 those expensive piano lessons and try out for the Little League baseball
 team?
 -- Art Buchwald
%%
An amendment to a motion may be amended, but an amendment to an amendment
to a motion may not be amended.  However, a substitute for an amendment to
and amendment to a motion may be adopted and the substitute may be amended.
 -- Montana legislature's contribution to the English language
%%
An American Fascist seeking power would not proclaim that he is a
fascist.  Fascism always camouflages its plans and purposes. ... Any
fascist attempt made to gain power in America would not use the exact
Hitler pattern.  It would work under the guise of "super-patriotism" and
"super-Americanism".  Fascist leaders are neither stupid nor naive.
They know that they must hand out a line that "sells".   Huey Long is
said to have remarked that if Fascism came to America it would be on a
program of "Americanism".
 -- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
An American is a man with two arms and four wheels.
 -- A Chinese child
%%
An American is a person who demonstrates against a new power plant, then
goes home and flips on all the lights, turns up the air conditioner,
puts a tape in the stereo, opens the refrigerator door, plugs in the
coffee maker and sits down to see if the television cameras caught him
protesting.
 -- Wendell Trogdon
%%
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President
but is always
polite to traffic cops.
%%
An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel prize
winning physicist, Niels Bohr, in Copenhagen.  He was amazed to find that
over Bohr's desk was a horseshoe, securely nailed to the wall, with the
open end up in the approved manner (so it would catch the good luck and not
let it spill out).  The American said with a nervous laugh,
 "Surely you don't believe the horseshoe will bring you good luck,
do you, Professor Bohr?  After all, as a scientist--"
Bohr chuckled.
      "I believe no such thing, my good friend.  Not at all.  I am scarcely
likely to believe in such foolish nonsense.  However, I am told that a
horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not."
%%
A name unmusical to the Volscians' ears,
And harsh in sound to thine.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
An Amiga is an EtchaSketch you don't hafta shake.
%%
Anananay: what happens when you start spelling "banana" and don't stop.
%%
An ancient pagan, who in pagandom was renowned and praised for his
wisdom, sailed on the same ship with a wicked man. When the ship was in
distress the wicked man lifted up his voice in prayer, but the wise man
said to him: "Keep quiet, my friend; if heaven discovers that you are on
board, the ship will go under.
%%
An ancient prophet once said Four things come not back - a spent
arrow, a spoken word, a past life, and a wasted opportunity.
 -- Rose Lane
%%
An angel! or, if not,
An earthly paragon!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 6
%%
An angry man is again angry with himself when he returns to reason.
 -- Publius Syrus
%%
An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.
 -- Cato
%%
...an animal loses not only its life but also its third dimension.
 -- Roger M. Knutson, in Flattened Fauna: A Field Guide to Common
 -- Animals of Roads, Streets, and Highways
%%
An Animal that knows who it is, one that has a sense of his own identity, is
a discontented creature, doomed to create new problems for himself for the
duration of his stay on this planet.  Since neither the mouse nor the chip
knows what is, he is spared all the vexing problems that follow this
discovery.  But as soon as the human animal who asked himself this question
emerged, he plunged himself and his descendants into an eternity of doubt
and brooding, speculation and truth-seeking that has goaded him through the
centures as reelentlessly as hunger or sexual longing.  The chimp that does
not know that he exists is not driven to discover his origins and is spared
the tragic necessity of contemplating his own end.  And even if the animal 
experimenters succeed in teaching a chimp to count one hundred bananas or 
to play chess, the chimp will develop no science and he will exhibit no 
appreciation of beauty, for the greatest part of man's wisdom may be traced
back to the eternal questions of beginnings and endings, the quest to give
meaning to his existence, to life itself.
 -- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 193
%%
An Animated Cartoon Theology:
 1. People are animals.
 2. The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
 3. Life is antagonistic to the living.
 4. The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and
    plucked for music.
 5. The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their own
    cunning.
 6. The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their own
    momentum.
 7. We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us.
 -- E. L. Doctorow The Book of Daniel
%%
An anniversary was coming up, he started to reminisce about the last ten
years.        She just wanted to talk about her presents.
%%
An answer!  I don't even know the question.
 -- Kirk
%%
"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but
not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
 -- David Letterman
%%
An apache is a member of a gang of criminals, especially in Paris.
%%
An aphorism is never exactly true;
it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.
 -- Karl Kraus
%%
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side
of the case.  God has written all the books.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
An apology is the superglue of life: it can repair just about anything.
 -- Lynn Johnston
%%
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile -- hoping it will eat him last.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away and does wonders for the fruit grower
 too.
%%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone
away.
%%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away - if you aim right!
%%
An apple a day makes 365 apples a year.
%%
An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but if you don't floss, the
 dentist will get you!
%%
An Apple-a-day takes my credit card away.
%%
An Apple //e on UUCP.
%%
An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
%%
AN APPRECIATION OF ART IS A HIGHER SIGN OF INTELLIGENCE!
%%
    An apprentice carpenter may want only a hammer and saw,
but a master craftsman employs many precision tools.  Computer
programming likewise requires sophisticated tools to cope with
the complexity of real applications, and only practice with
these tools will build skill in their use.
 -- Robert L. Kruse, Data Structures and Program Design
%%
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
%%
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have;
the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
 -- Agatha Christie
%%
Anarcharsis, on learning that the sides of a ship were four fingers
thick, said that "the passengers were just that distance from death."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Anarcharsis, v
%%
Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to
rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Anarchism is not a romantic fable but the hardheaded realization, based on
five thousand years of experience, that we cannot entrust the management of
our lives to kings, priests, politicians, generals, and county commissioners.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Anarchist: Government plots cause Sh*t to happen.
%%
Anarchists do it revoltingly.
%%
Anarchists of the world unite !
%%
        An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean.  He
knows he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully and with
great restraint.
        As he designs the first work, frill after frill and
embellishment after embellishment occur to him.  These get stored away
to be used "next time".  Sooner or later the first system is finished,
and the architect, with firm confidence and a demonstrated mastery of
that class of systems, is ready to build a second system.
 This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs.
When he does his third and later ones, his prior experiences will
confirm each other as to the general characteristics of such systems,
and their differences will identify those parts of his experience that
are particular and not generalizable.
 The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using
all the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first
one.  The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile".
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%

An Architect starts out knowing very little about anything and
is educated to know less and less about more things such that he
ends up knowing nothing about everything.

An Engineer starts out knowing very little about anything and
is educated to know more and more about less and less so that she
ends up knowing everything about nothing.

A Contractor starts out knowing everything about everything but ends up
knowing nothing about anything primarily due to his association with
architects and engineers.
 -- ARCHITECTS, ENGINEERS AND CONTRACTORS / Their Education
%%
Anarcho-Capitalist for sale or rent.
%%
Anarcho-Paladin.
%%
Anarchy begins at home, but it doesn't have to end there
%%
Anarchy is against the law!
%%
Anarchy is not the absence of power, it is the absence of force.
%%
Anarchy -- It's not the law, it's just a good idea!
%%
Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's
better than no government at all.
%%
Anarchy means ignoring things that really piss you off!
%%
Anarchy, No rules - OK?
%%
Anarchy: Rights without Responsibilities.
%%
Anarchy Rules!
%%
ANARCHY RULES!!!! ... errr ... wait a minute :}
Why can't you be a nonconformist like everyone else?!?!?
%%
 Anarchy should be the law.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
 -- Corollary: I will establish democracy by dictatorial decree.
%%
Anarchy Unlimited
%%
Anarchy works. Italy has proved it for a thousand years.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
An armed society is a polite society.
 -- Robert Heinlein
%%
An army is like a piece of spaghetti.  You can't stand behind and push,
you have to get out in front and pull.
 -- George S. Patton
%%
An army must set forth in proper order.
If the order is not good, misfortune threatens.
%%
An army of sheep led by a lion would defeat an army of lions led by a sheep.
 -- Arab proverb
%%
An Army travels on her stomach.
%%
An arrant traitor as any is in the universal world, or in France,
or in England!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 8
%%
An arrogant wench from Salt Lake
Liked to tease all the boys on the make.
    She was finally the prize
     Of a man twice her size
And all she recalls is the ache.
%%
A narrow compass! and yet there
Dwelt all that 's good, and all that 's fair;
Give me but what this riband bound,
Take all the rest the sun goes round.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- On a Girdle
%%
A narrow mind is usually accompanied by a wide mouth.
%%
An arrow shoots out at you!
%%
An article in the Spring 1990 issue of Arlo Guthrie's Rolling Blunder
Review describing the risks of reading RBR, concludes with the flawlessly
logical sentences:

 "In other words, if our readers understand that they do not
understand what they are reading then they must possess an understanding
which is superior to the meaning which caused that misunderstanding.
 "Only a sense of humor stands between pain and pleasure.  Nothing
worth reading can be read."
%%
An article which insists that whatever you are eating is carcinogenic can
 be found in next Sunday's edition of any newspaper which you select to
 read.
%%
An artist cannot speak about his art any more than a plane can discuss
horticulture.
 -- Jean Cocteau
%%
An artist never really finishes his work, he merely abandons it.
 -- Paul Valery
%%
An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
 -- John Ruskin
%%
An artist who is self-taught is taught by a very ignorant person indeed:
(Constable)
%%
An aspiration is a joy forever, a possession as solid as a landed estate, a
fortune in which we can never exhaust and which gives us year by year a revenue
of pleasurable activity.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with
 a producer.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
An ass thinks one thing, his rider another.
%%
A nasty looking dwarf throws a knife at you.
%%
An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.
%%
Anates tuas in acie instrue.
%%
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
 -- John Buchan
%%
An atheist is but a mad ridiculous derider of piety; but a hypocrite
makes a sober jest of God and religion; he finds it easier to be
upon his knees than to rise to a good action.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
An atheist is one hopes the Lord will do nothing to disturb his
disbelief.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
An atheist is someone who has noone to talk to when they have an orgasm.
%%
An atheist's laugh 's a poor exchange
  For Deity offended!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Epistle to a Young Friend
%%
Anatidaephobia:  The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.
%%
A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
A nation may lose its liberties in a day and not miss them in a century.
 -- Baron de Montesquieu
%%
A nation never falls but by suicide.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men
purchases its own spiritual death on an installment plan.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
A nation's advance as a civilized society can be properly guaged by the
 manner in which it treats the poor and the elderly - often the same people.
%%
A nation which does not remember what it was yesterday,
does not know what it is today, nor what it is trying to do.
We are trying to do a futile thing if we do not know where we
came from or what we have been about.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
An atom blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
%%
Anatomically Correct beats Politically Correct ANY DAY!
%%
Anatomy is destiny.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
An attorney starts his or her practice giving $500 worth of legal expertise
 for $ 5.00. In the passage of a small time all of this is remedied, and the
 attorney now gives $ 5.00 worth of legal expertise for $ 500. Time changes
 all of us.
%%
An attorney was defending his client against a charge of first-degree
murder.  "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuffing his lover's
mutilated body into a suitcase and heading for the Mexican border.
Just north of Tijuana a cop spotted her hand sticking out of the
suitcase.  Now, I would like to stress that my client is *not* a
murderer.  A sloppy packer, maybe..."
%%
An Australian lover is like a wombat :- he eats roots, shoots, and leaves.
%%
An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with,
 insists on boring future generations.
 -- Charles de Montesquieu
%%
An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really
care to know.
%%
An authority knows lots of things you don't care ab out.
%%
An author ought to write for the youth of his own
generation, the critics of the next, and the schoolmaster of
ever afterwards.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
An author owned an asterisk
And kept it in his den
Where he wrote tales which had large sales
Of erring maids and men,
And always, when he reached the point
Where carping censors lurk,
He called upon the asterisk
To do his dirty work!
%%
An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful.
 A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since
any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.
 -- George Orwell
%%
An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest
labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it
down till the average is three and a half...
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
%%
Anaxagoras said to a man who was grieving because he was dying in
a foreign land, "The descent to Hades is the same from every place."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Anaxagoras, vi
%%
An axe stroke makes a deep wound in your leg.
%%
Anaximander says that men were first produced in fishes, and when
they were grown up and able to help themselves were thrown up, and
so lived upon the land.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Symposiacs, Book viii, Question viii
%%
Anaximander used to assert that the primary cause of all things was
the Infinite,--not defining exactly whether he meant air or water
or anything else.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Anaximander, ii
%%
An axiom is a thing that is so visible that it is not necessary to see it.
%%
ANC: ANnoy Consultant
%%
Anchovies? You've got the wrong man! I spell my name DANGER!   (click)
%%
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May all your wishes be granted.
%%
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May your life be filled with experiences.
%%
Ancient custom has the force of law.
%%
Ancient Greeks made dolphin-killing punishable by death.
%%
And 1st division Luton have haunted themselves with their own play.
%%
And Abner said to Joab, "Let the young men come forward and play before us."
Joab answered "Yes, let them."    So they came up one by one, and took their
places, twelve for Benjamin and Ishbosheth and twelve from David's men.
Each man seized his opponent by the head and thrust his sword into his
side; and thus they fell together.
 -- Samuel 2,2,14-16
%%
And a David Wallace to you too.
%%
And add to these retired Leisure,
That in trim gardens takes his pleasure.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 49
%%
And after all this time to find we're just like all the rest.
%%
And after all, what is a lie? 'T is but
  The truth in masquerade.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xi, Stanza 37
%%
And after you do all that work:

An in-house IRS study revealed in February that the agency loses
two million tax returns and related documents annually.  One
employee said that when preparing for audits, he routinely requests
taxpayers' files from the state agencies because they are more
likely to have the documents.
%%
And again the game's turned round on it's head.
%%
And a great whirling and a bashing of keys arose
%%
And all Arabia breathes from yonder box.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto i, Line 134
%%
And all may do what has by man been done.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night vi, Line 606
%%
And all my days are trances,
And all my nightly dreams
Are where thy gray eye glances,
And where thy footstep gleams--
In what ethereal dances,
by what eternal streams.
 Edgar Allen Poe
%%
And all of the signs were right there on your face.
%%
And all should cry, Beware! Beware! / His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
 Weave a circle round him thrice, / And close your eyes with holy dread,
 For he on honeydew hath fed, / And drunk the milk of Paradise.
 -- Kubla Khan, Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
And all the Borg left was this Amiga ...
%%
And all the Borg left was this Apple III.
%%
And all the Borg left was this copy of OS/2...
%%
And all the Borg left was this copy of System 7...
%%
And all the Borg left was this copy of Windows 3.0...
%%
And all the Borg left was this Tandy.
%%
And all the way, to guide their chime,
With falling oars they kept the time.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- Bermudas
%%
And all to leave what with his toil he won
To that unfeather'd two-legged thing, a son.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 169
%%
...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said "A truck!"
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
And, and, and, and, but, but, but, but"
 -- Yechiam Yemini, 14 September 83
%%
And Archimedes, as he was washing, thought of a manner of computing
the proportion of gold in King Hiero's crown by seeing the water flowing
over the bathing-stool. He leaped up as one possessed or inspired,
crying, "I have found it! Eureka!"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Pleasure not attainable according to Epicurus, 11
%%
And art made tongue-tied by authority.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lxvi
%%
And as an ev'ning dragon came,
Assailant on the perched roosts
And nests in order rang'd
Of tame villatic fowl.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 1692
%%
"And as far as Burton directing goes..."
    "Oh, give it a rest."
 -- Siskel and Ebert beat on each over the directing choice for
 -- Batman, in THE INCREDIBLE HULK
%%
And, as I end the refrain, THRUST HOME!
%%
And, as in uffish thought he stood
 The Jabberwork, with eyes of flame
 Came wiffling through the tulgey wood
 And burbled as it came
 -- _Jabberwocky_, by Lewis Carroll (Charles Dodgson)
%%
And as she looked around, she saw how Death the consoler,
Laying his hand upon many a heart, had healed it forever.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Evangeline, Part ii
%%
And as the soldiers bore dead bodies by,
He called them untaught knaves, unmannerly,
To bring a slovenly unhandsome corse
Betwixt the wind and his nobility.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
And as we stand on the edge of darkness
 Let our chant fill the void
 That others may know
 In the land of the night
 The ship of the sun
 Is drawn by
 The grateful dead.
 -- Tibetan "Book of the Dead" ca. 4000 BC.
%%
And as we wind on down the road, our shadow's taller than our soul.
%%
And away we go!
 -- Jackie Gleason
%%
And bear about the mockery of woe
To midnight dances and the public show.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- To the Memory of an Unfortunate Lady, Line 57
%%
And bear unmov'd the wrongs of base mankind,
The last and hardest conquest of the mind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiii, Line 353
%%
And beauty immortal awakes from the tomb.
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Hermit
%%
And beauty, making beautiful old rhyme.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet cvi
%%
And because the breath of flowers is far sweeter in the air (where
it comes and goes, like the warbling of music) than in the hand, therefore
nothing is more fit for that delight than to know what be the flowers
and plants that do best perfume the air.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Gardens
%%
      ...and before I knew what I was doing, I had kicked the
      typewriter and threw it around the room and made it beg for
      mercy.  At this point the typewriter pleaded for me to dress
      him in feminine attire but instead I pressed his margin release
      over and over again until the typewriter lost consciousness.
      Presently, I regained consciousness and realized with shame what
      I had done.  My shame is gone and now I am looking for a
      submissive typewriter, any color, or model.  No electric
      typewriters please!
 -- Rick Kleiner
%%
And before you get all happy, be informed that your
punishment does not include pain or sex
%%
And be these juggling fiends no more believ'd,
That palter with us in a double sense:
That keep the word of promise to our ear
And break it to our hope.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 8
%%
"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest
unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine
bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits,
provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"
 -- Dave Barry, "Getting Religion"
%%
And binding Nature fast in fate,
  Left free the human will.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Universal Prayer, Stanza 3
%%
And both were young, and one was beautiful.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Dream, Stanza 2
%%
And Boy! are my arms tired!!
%%
And brought of mighty ale a large quart.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Milleres Tale, Line 3497
%%
And, BTW, to stay on topic merely post a bunch of taglines with any
%%
And can you teach me to how to dance real slow?
%%
And caught us running burned and blind, chasing something in the night.
%%
And Chaucer, with his infantine
Familiar clasp of things divine.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- A Vision of Poets
%%
And choose an author as you choose a friend.
 -- Earl of Roscommon (1633-1684)
 -- Essay on Translated Verse, Line 96
%%
And Clive Norling, running backwards, just like a football referee, looking
 forwards to make sure nothing untoward was happening behind him.
%%
And coxcombs vanquish Berkeley by a grin.
 -- John Brown (1715-1766)
 -- An Essay on Satire, occasioned by the Death of Mr. Pope
%%
"And cruelest of all, I've learned that the bucks
 in this criticism thing just aren't what they
 should be.  I figure if I'm not gonna make any
 jack in my chosen profession, the least I can do
 is vent my spleen.  My motto is VENT FOR THOSE WHO
 CAN'T."
 -- Ian Shoales
%%
And cute little baby dolphins DIE... Cool!
%%
And deal damnation round the land.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Universal Prayer, Stanza 7
%%
And Dickie Bird standing there with his neck between his shoulders.
%%
And did those feet, in ancient times,
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the Holy Lamb of God
In England's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon these crowded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spears!  O clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I shall not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword rest in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant land.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827), "Jerusalem"
%%
And did you failure to notice it make it unwelcome?
 -- Grappler Zorn
%%
And die with decency.
 -- Thomas Otway (1651-1685)
 -- Venice Preserved, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
"And Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with Doug, and Charles
Paisley, the baby crusher, and a couple of film producers, and a man
they called `Kierkegaard,' who just sat there biting the heads off
whippets."
 -- Monty Python
%%
And do as adversaries do in law,--
Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
"...and Doc Holliday ends up in the front row of a Led Zeppelin concert..."
  "So THIS is hell."
 -- From HONKEYTONK SUE
%%
And don't confound the language of the nation
With long-tailed words in osity and ation.
 -- J. Hookham Frere (1769-1846)
 -- The Monks and the Giants, Canto i, Line 6
%%
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
%%
And don't tell me God works in mysterious ways, Yossarian continued
There's nothing mysterious about it, He's not working at all. He's
playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you
people talk about, a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless,
conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a
Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm
and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was
running through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed
old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world
did He ever create pain?
 -- Joseph Heller, Catch22
%%
And do you believe in rock and roll and music to save your mortal soul.
%%
And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve?  The judgement of God
upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of 
criminal at the bar of justice.
 -- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer, misogynist
%%
And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?
 -- Looney Tunes, The Scarlet Pumpernickel (1950, Chuck Jones)
%%
And duller shouldst thou be than the fat weed
That roots itself
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
And Einstein said:
   If Euclid failed to kindle your youthful enthusiasm, then you were
   not born to be a scientific thinker.
%%
Anderson is a common name but 'Chang' is much more common.
%%
And ever against eating cares
Lap me in soft Lydian airs,
Married to immortal verse,
Such as the meeting soul may pierce,
In notes with many a winding bout
Of linked sweetness long drawn out.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 135
%%
And ever has it been known that
love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
And ever since the Conquest have been fools.
 -- Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)
 -- Artemisia in the Town to Chloe in the Country
%%
And every eye
Gaz'd, as before some brother of the sky.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book viii, Line 17
%%
And every shepherd tells his tale
Under the hawthorn in the dale.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 67
%%
And every spring, a new graduating class enters the workforce.  Some have
a well-rounded view of operating systems, but for many there is only Unix.
 -- Gord Campbell, InfoAge editorial, Nov 84
%%
And fast by, hanging in a golden chain,
This pendent world, in bigness as a star
Of smallest magnitude, close by the moon.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 1051
%%
And fear breeds hatred, your majesty.   Fear is the greatest
 enemy of them all, for fear leads us to war.
 -- 3rd Doctor, FRONTIER IN SPACE
%%
And fear not to unfold your dark visions of torment.
%%
And feels a thousand deaths in fearing one.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 17
%%
And feel that I am happier than I know.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 282
%%
And finds, with keen, discriminating sight,
Black 's not so black,--nor white so very white.
 -- George Canning (1770-1827)
 -- New Morality
%%
And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and
the winds long to play with your hair.
 -- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
%%
"And for God's sake don't invest money in any
 brokerage firm in which one of the partners is
 named 'Frenchy'."
 -- Woody Allen
%%
And for just one look from your sad eyes, you had such pretty sad eyes.
%%
And for my next performance, a DOS application that LOOKS like Windows!
%%
And for my nineteenth birthday I got a union card and a wedding coat.
%%
And for our country 't is a bliss to die.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xv, Line 583
%%
And for the few that only lend their ear,
That few is all the world.
 -- Samuel Daniel (1562-1619)
 -- Musophilus, Stanza 97
%%
And for those concerned about children growing up in poverty, we should
know this: marriage is probably the best anti-poverty program of all.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the
 -- Commonwealth Club of San Francisco, 5/19/92
%%
And for those really TOUGH jobs, try "Shaman in a Drum."
%%
And for to see, and eek for to be seie.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Wif of Bathes Prologue, Line 6134
%%
And friend received with thumps upon the back.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Universal Passion
%%
  And from his ashes may be made
The violet of his native land.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xviii, Stanza 1
%%
... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
%%
And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
And gentle Dulness ever loves a joke.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book ii, Line 34
%%
"And given this topology [the mobius strip] we can move on what is known
 as an orientation-reversing path.  We cannot do this in our normal
 three-space topology, except via those paths which pass through San
 Francisco or Greenwich Village."
 -- A Math Prof. teaching topology
%%
And give to dust that is a little gilt
More laud than gilt o'er-dusted.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
And gladly wolde he lerne, and gladly teche.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 310
%%
And God looked down and saw that the land and the people were bad. If he
 didn't look down so much, maybe things would pick up.
 -- David Steinberg
%%
And God said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon
the face of the earth... to you it shall be for meat.
 -- Genesis 1:29
%%
And God said: "E=MC^2" and there was light....
%%
And God said: "I'll buy a vowel."
%%
And God said: "Let there be cats!" and He was promptly ignored.
%%
And God said: "Let there be light", and there was
light.  And everyone said, "Hey, cool!  Do You do parties?"
%%
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis i, 3
%%
And God said: "Let there be light, but make it quick."
%%
And God said: <Maxwell's equations>...and then there
was light!
%%
"And God saw everything he had made, and he saw that it was very good;
and God said, It JUST goes to show Me what the private sector can accomplish.
With a lot of fool regulations this could have taken BILLIONS OF YEARS."
 -- NOT THE BIBLE, Chapter 1, Verse 23
 -- Tony Hendra and Sean Kelly
%%
And God typed
M-x let-there-be-light.
%%
And grace that won who saw to wish her stay.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 43
%%
And grasps the skirts of happy chance,
And breasts the blows of circumstance.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, lxiv, Stanza 2
%%
And had a face like a blessing.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book ii, Chap. iv
%%
And have buttered scones for tea.
%%
And having looked to Government for bread, on the very first scarcity
they will turn and bite the hand that fed them.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France,
 -- Thoughts and Details on Scarcity, Vol. v, p. 156
%%
And heaven had wanted one immortal song.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 197
%%
And he disappeared in a puff of logic.
%%
And he gave it for his opinion, that whoever could make two ears of
corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where
only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more
essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians
put together.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Gulliver's Travels, Part ii, Chap. vii, Voyage to Brobdingnag
%%
And he had a job, and he wore a hat, and he brought home the bacon so
that noone knew.
%%
And hence one master-passion in the breast,
Like Aaron's serpent, swallows up the rest.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 131
%%
And here I stand; judge, my masters.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
And here I wait so patiently
Waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to get out of
Going thru all of these things twice
 -- Dylan, "Memphis Blues Again"
%%
And here, over the portals of my fort, I shall cut in the stone
the word which is to be my beacon and my banner.  The word which
will not die, should we all perish in battle.  The word which
can never die on this earth, for it is the heart of it and the
meaning and the glory.

The sacred word:

                E G O
 -- Equality 7-2521
%%
And here, poor fool, with all my lore
I stand no wiser than before.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
And here's another clue for you all:  The walrus was Paul.
%%
 (And here's a way to befuddle the *callee* rather than the
 caller:  Record someone's answering machine message as you hear
 it, and then play it back to them as your message to them.
 Repeat over time until something interesting happens.)
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
And here you thought your money was going to waste. Well, a Federal Appeals
 Court has ordered the FDA to determine whether drugs proposed for Lethal
 Injection executions are "safe and effective!"
%%
And her face so fair
Stirr'd with her dream, as rose-leaves with the air.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 29
%%
And he that does one fault at first
  And lies to hide it, makes it two.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song xv
%%
And He that doth the ravens feed,
Yea, providently caters for the sparrow,
Be comfort to my age!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
And he that gives us in these days
New Lords may give us new laws.
 -- George Wither (1588-1667)
 -- Contented Man's Morrice
%%
And he that stands upon a slippery place
Makes nice of no vile hold to stay him up.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
And he that will to bed go sober
Falls with the leaf still in October.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Bloody Brother, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
And hie him home, at evening's close,
To sweet repast and calm repose.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Ode on the Pleasure arising from Vicissitude, Line 87
%%
"...AND his God Damned CAT!!!"
 -- "AMERICAN FLAGG!"
%%
"....and his hideous clockwork dog, Toto...."
 -- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Summatra"
%%
And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
%%
And hold one another's noses to the grindstone hard.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 1, Memb. 3
%%
And how do professional wizards cope with stress?
Stress? The real wizard doesn't even recognize the meaning of the word.
Why are you still asking me questions? Can't you see I'm busy? This spell is
two days overdue! You're sitting on my reference books!
 -- "A Conversation with Ebenezum, Greatest Wizard in
 -- the Western Kingdoms," Wizard's Quarterly, Vol. 4, No. 4 (Spring)
%%
"'And how do you do your job, then, if you don't exist?'
 'By will power,' said Agilulf, 'and faith in our cause.'
 'Oh yes, yes, well said, that is how one does one's duty.
  Well, for someone who doesn't exist, you seem in fine
  form.'"
 -- Italo Calvino, "The Nonexistent Knight"
%%
And how do you spell RELIEF, *Smith*&*Wesson*
%%
And how long have you had this lifelong ambition?
%%
"And how many hours a day did you do lessons?" said Alice, in a hurry to change
the subject.
"Ten hours the first day," said the Mock Turtle: "nine the next, and so on."
"What a curious plan!" exclaimed Alice.
"That's the reason they're called lessons," the Gryphon remarked: "because
they lessen from day to day."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
And how should I know your true love
  From many another one?
Oh, by his cockle hat and staff,
  And by his sandal shoone.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- The Friar of Orders Gray
%%
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
%%
And I always thought Bonapetite was a small..
%%
And I am C-Danny, human cyborg relations.
%%
And I am unanimous in this!
%%
... and I asked for forgiveness but I don't know just what I'm asking it
for.
%%
And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was,
how much was mine to keep.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
%%
"And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us."
 -- Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3
%%
And I can strongly recommend...
(finishing his sentence)...a course of leeches. Oh, just pop a couple
  down my codpiece before I go to bed...
 -- Doctor and Edmund : Bells
%%
And if He closes before you
all passes and all ways
He'll show you a hidden pathway
which no one yet has known.
 -- Maulana Rumi
%%
And if he runs away, he won't be hard to catch.
 -- Bart about the greyhound, Santa's Little Helper, Homer
 -- brought home in "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
%%
And if his name be George, I 'll call him Peter;
For new-made honour doth forget men's names.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
And if I come again I will receive you unto myself!
%%
And if I had a dollar bill for all the things I've done..
%%
And if I laugh at any mortal thing,
'T is that I may not weep.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 4
%%
And if Iraqs primary export was broccoli?
%%
And if I said a year ago that these [social] programs weren't working,
perhaps I have been vindicated.
 -- President George Bush, on how Lyndon Johnson was to blame for the LA riots
%%
And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail...
%%
And if sometime, somewhere, someone asketh thee,
"Who kilt thee?," tell them it 'twas the Doones of Bagworthy!
%%
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
%%
And if the orbit were a flow line, we would go right into the sun. Luckily,
Newton put in a second prime.
 -- Prof. J. P. Solovej, Princeton math department
%%
And if there is promise of a storm, if you want change in your
life, walk in to it.  If you get on the other side, you will
be different.  And if you want change in your life and you are
avoiding the trouble, you can forget it.
%%
And if we do but watch the hour,
There never yet was human power
Which could evade, if unforgiven,
The patient search and vigil long
Of him who treasures up a wrong.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Mazeppa, Stanza 10
%%
And if we tell you the name of the game, boy,
 we call it 'Riding the Gravy Train'
%%
And if you believe that, I've got a great used car to show you.
%%
And if you believe that, I've got some land down in Florida...
%%
And if you believe that one, I have a cheap IBM mini to sell you
 -- The sales man
%%
And if you come back with information, Captain Darling will pump
  you thoroughly in the debriefing room.
...Not while I've got my strength he won't.
 -- Melchett and Edmund : General Hospital
%%
"And if You exist, why do you let your Evil churchs exist????"
 -- Michael S. Schechter
"Maybe because He is a libertarian?"
 -- Mike Van Pelt
%%
And if you give us any more trouble I shall visit you in
the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress.
 -- Basil Fawlty, Mrs. Richards
%%
And if you're lonely in your nightmare, let me in.
 -- Duran Duran
%%
'And if you've just tuned in, we're talking about the red-hot,
 tight-buttocked, hairy host of Hell.'
 -- The Church Lady
%%
...and I get on my knees and pray we don't get fooled again.
 -- Pete Townshend
%%
And I have loved thee, Ocean! and my joy
Of youthful sports was on thy breast to be
Borne, like thy bubbles, onward; from a boy.
I wantoned with thy breakers,
     .     .     .     .     .
And trusted to thy billows far and near,
And laid my hand upon thy mane,--as I do here.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 184
%%
And I have written three books on the soul,
Proving absurd all written hitherto,
And putting us to ignorance again.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Cleon
%%
And I heard Jeff exclaim,
As they strolled out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all --
You take credit cards, right?"
 -- "Outsiders" comic
%%
And I'll do you one better if you've got the nerve,
I'll race you all the way to deadman's curve.
%%
And I'll try not to sing out of key...
%%
"And I'm a respected psychiatrist!"
 -- Frasier Crane discussing homicidal tendencies towards Diane, to Sam
 -- CHEERS
%%
And I'm your tour guide.
%%
And inasmuch as feeling, the East's gift,
Is quick and transient,--comes, and lo! is gone,
While Northern thought is slow and durable.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Luria, Act, v
%%
And in a strange turn of events, the cat was electrocuted.
%%
And in Genoa, 'tis now the fashion to pin a live frog to the shoulder-
  braid, stand on a bucket, and go 'Bibble' at passers-by.
 -- Edmund to Queenie : Head
%%
And in the cool of the night, they reach for a moment and try to make an
honest stand, but they wind up wounded and not even dead, tonight in
jungleland.
%%
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count.  It's
the life in your years.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
 -- Paul McCartney
%%
And in the master's chambers, they gather for big feast.
 They stab it with their steely knives,
 but they just can't kill the beast.
 -- Don Henley
%%
And in the news: Check out the next message.
%%
And in the sky, a 1500 pound ox appeared over my head, as a halo might.
Oh well. Crunch.
%%
And in your dreams you can see yourself
As a prophet saving the world
The words from your lips
I just can't believe you are such
A fool.
 -- Frank Zappa, "Oh No".
%%
And I oft have heard defended,--
Little said is soonest mended.
 -- George Wither (1588-1667)
 -- The Shepherd's Hunting
%%
And I raise my head and stare into the eyes of a stranger.
%%
... and I realized that I didn't belong there anymore.
%%
"... and I realized, we did not live in a scientific society."
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988), "Cargo cult science"
%%
And I remember I'd, I remember back then I'd, I'd drive all night, I
swore I'd drive all night, just to buy you some shoes, and to taste, and
to taste your tender charm.
%%
And I smiled to think God's greatness flowed around our incompleteness,
  Round our restlessness His rest.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Rhyme of the Duchess
%%
And is there care in Heaven? And is there love
In heavenly spirits to these Creatures bace?
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book ii, Canto viii, St. 1
%%
And I suppose the little things are harder to get used to than the big ones.
The big ones you get used to, you make up your mind to them.  The little
things come along unexpectedly, when you aren't thinking about them, aren't
braced against them.
 -- Marion Zimmer Bradley, "The Forbidden Tower"
%%
And I swear, every word is true!
%%
And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the bible
 were used to beat plowshares into swords...
 -- Alan Watts
%%
And it does matter.  An honest man or woman is an honest man or woman more
because he or she is honest in the small, everyday things that "don't matter"
individually, but which make up a well-lived life, than because of some single
great temptation that was passed.  A person who is concerned about individual
rights or about individual dignity makes his or her difference not because of
any sweeping great statement or action, but because of the accretion of small,
individually seemingly insignificant acts that spread that dignity and confirm
those rights through every action they take.  It matters because every action
you take, and every action I take is an expression of the human spirit.
 -- William Oliver (oliver@uncmed.med.unc.edu)
%%
 And I tell you, if you have the desire for knowledge and the
power to give it physical expression, go out and explore.  If you are a
brave man, you will do nothing: if you are fearful you may do much, for
none but cowards have the need to prove their bravery.  Some will tell
you that you are mad, and nearly all will say, 'What is the use?'  For
we are a nation of shopkeepers, and no shopkeeper will look at research
which will not promise him a financial return within a year.  And so you
will sledge nearly alone, but those with whom you sledge will not be
shopkeepers: that is worth a good deal.
 -- Apsley Cherry-Garrard, 1922
%%
AND, it frees my palm to do other things!
%%
And I thought a "hard drive" was driving through Georgia.
%%
And I thought computers where supposed to make our lives easier!
%%
And I though this was going to be simple....
%%
And I thought *I* had problems!
%%
And I thought liberals SUPPORTED free speech?!?
%%
...And I thought phrenology with a ball-peen hammer was
a dying art!
%%
And I thought the Borg were bad . . .
%%
And I thought these things smelled bad on the outside.
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
..and it's finished!  It only has to be written."
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
And it shall some to pass that idiots shall roam the earth,
 and morons shall rule the masses.
%%
And it should be the law: If you use the word `paradigm' without knowing what
the dictionary says it means, you go to jail. No exceptions.
 -- David Jones @ Megatest Corporation
%%
And it's my opinion, and that's only my opinion, you are a lunatic.   Just
 because there are a few hundred other people sharing your lunacy with you
 does not make you any saner.  Doomed, eh?
 -- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU
%%
And it's readily apparent that...
%%
And it's so portable -- at least, it worked on every VAX that I tried it on.
 -- Tim McDaniel (mcdaniel@adi.com) 6 Sep 90,
 -- <MCDANIEL.90Sep6134938@dolphin.adi.com>
%%
And ITT begat Hostess, and Hostess begat Morton, and Morton begat
Stuckey's and Stuckey's begat Beatrice, and Beatrice begat Little
Debbie.  And Beatrice did leave Little Debbie with Hostess and go
forth into the wastelands looking for a good spot at a truck stop.
And Beatrice then did go a few miles north from the wastelands and
did settle in Nebraska, never to return to Norman, Oklahoma.
 -- Endust 12, 7-10
%%
And it was a very good book of Rasputin's involvement in that, which shows
how people that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and
have a tremendous impact on history.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle gives his opinion of the book
 -- "Nicholas, and Alexandra," to Hendrick Hertzberg of the
 -- New Republic, 9/28/88 (reported in Savvy Woman, 1/89, p. 56)
%%
...and it would be okay on any other day.
 -- Stewart Copeland
%%
And I've been searching for something taken out of my soul...
%%
And I've got 4,567 archived messages to prove it.
%%
"...And I want a new car... And I want the city to pay for it all!"
  "What kind of a car, Miller?"
"Something with reclining leather seats that goes really fast and gets
 really shitty gas mileage."
 -- Frustrated city official from ROBOCOP
%%
And I will instruct you on Enterprise etiquette.
 -- Worf to Mendon, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
And I will love him and pet him and stroke him and squeeze him..
%%
And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- The Passionate Shepherd to his Love
%%
And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"
 They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of
 the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of
 the context of our very selfhood revealed."
 And Jesus replied, "What?"
%%
And join with thee calm Peace and Quiet,
Spare Fast, that oft with gods doth diet.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 45
%%
And just how DOES a paperweight work?
%%
And just how far would Moses have gone, if he had taken a poll in Egypt
 before he started anything?
%%
And just What are you planning to DO with that Ferret?!?
%%
And Katerfelto, with his hair on end
At his own wonders, wondering for his bread.
'T is pleasant, through the loopholes of retreat,
To peep at such a world,--to see the stir
Of the great Babel, and not feel the crowd.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 86
%%
And keeps the palace of the soul.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- Of Tea
%%
"...and Keller is schedule to be executed on
 Friday...  I guess he won't be around, then, for
 the Patriots-Buffalo game this Sunday!"
 -- A newscaster on CHEERS
%%
And kids... learn something from Susie and Eddie.
 If you think there's a maniacal psycho-geek in the
 basement:
     1)   Don't give him a chance to hit you on the
   head with an axe!
    2)   Flee the premises... even if you're in your
   underwear.
    3)   Warn the neighbors and call the police.
 But whatever else you do... DON'T GO DOWN IN THE DAMN BASEMENT!
 -- Saturday Night Live meets Friday the 13th
%%
And kind as kings upon their coronation day.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Hind and the Panther, Part i, Line 271
%%
And later on in the show, we'll be hearing from the inventor of car
alarms. We won't actually be talking to him in the studio, but we'll
ring him up ... at three o'clock in the morning ... and go "Wee ooo
wee ooo wee ooo wee ooo" in his ear very loudly.

And then we're going to wait five minutes and do it again.
%%
And let me tell you, the people that I met, whether it was in Honduras
or Jamaica, obviously, Panama, just people on the street, not one time
did I get a negative response about the United States. As a matter of
fact, I didn't even get a, you know, a real thumbs down or the
raspberries as you drove by, a better reception, quite frankly, in a
couple of cities there than you might even get in -- here at home.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
And let me wring your heart; for so I shall,
If it be made of penetrable stuff.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
And like a dew-drop from the lion's mane,
Be shook to air.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
And, like another Helen, fir'd another Troy.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 154
%%
And like a passing thought, she fled
        In light away.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Vision
%%
And live like Nature's bastards, not her sons.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 727
%%
  And lives to clutch the golden keys,
  To mould a mighty state's decrees,
And shape the whisper of the throne.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, lxiv, Stanza 3
%%
... and living was just a way of passing time until he died.
 -- Hamish Sankov
%%
And lo! Ben Adhem's name led all the rest.
 -- Leigh Hunt (1784-1859)
 -- Abou Ben Adhem
%%
"And look... don't threaten the customers. They don't eat as much."
  "I'll keep it in mind."
 -- Jezebel Jade comments on American service organizations, in JONNY QUEST
%%
And looks commercing with the skies,
Thy rapt soul sitting in thine eyes.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 39
%%
And Losira appeared and said, I am for you, man.
%%
And love is sometimes violent
 And violence has no constraint
 -- Swans "The Golden Boy who was Swallowed by the Sea"
%%
And lovelier things have mercy shown
To every failing but their own;
And every woe a tear can claim,
Except an erring sister's shame.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 418
%%
And love the offender, yet detest the offence.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Line 192
%%
And lucent syrops, tinct with cinnamon.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- The Eve of St. Agnes, Stanza 30
%%
And make each day a critic on the last.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part iii, Line 12
%%
And make my seated heart knock at my ribs,
Against the use of nature. Present fears
Are less than horrible imaginings.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
And make them spend it on life.
%%
And malt does more than Milton can To justify God's ways to man
 -- A. E. Housman
%%
And Man said: 'Let there be God,' and there was God!
%%
And many a holy text around she strews,
  That teach the rustic moralist to die.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 21
%%
And many strokes, though with a little axe,
Hew down and fell the hardest-timbered oak.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
And Marlowe, Webster, Fletcher, Ben,
Whose fire-hearts sowed our furrows when
The world was worthy of such men.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- A Vision of Poets
%%
... And may God bless Chocolate City and its vanilla suburbs.
 -- George Clinton in Parliament's "Chocolate City"
%%
And may you better reck the rede,
  Than ever did the adviser!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Epistle to a Young Friend
%%
And Mecca saddens at the long delay.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 979
%%
And men sit down to that nourishment which is called supper.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
And microbrain. Growl for me. Let me know you still care.
 -- Q to Worf, "Q-Who?", stardate 42761.3
%%
And mistress of herself though china fall.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 268
%%
And Moby Dick for king!
%%
And moody madness laughing wild
Amid severest woe.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On a Distant Prospect of Eton College, Stanza 8
%%
And Muller beats Riendeau like a rented mule.
%%
And muse on Nature with a poet's eye.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 98
%%
And my imaginations are as foul
As Vulcan's stithy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
And my large kingdom for a little grave,
A little little grave, an obscure grave.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
  Shall be lifted--Nevermore!
 -- Edgar A. Poe (1809-1849)
 -- The Raven
%%
And my special thanks to the Other Forty-Nine.
%%
And never, ever cut a deal with a dragon.
%%
And never, never try to milk a bull!
%%
And new civilizations.  To boldly split infinitives!
%%
And new-laid eggs, which Baucis' busy care
Turn'd by a gentle fire and roasted rare.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Ovid, Metamorphoses, Book viii, Baucis and Philemon, Line 97
%%
And, no, I don't know what they will do to you if you contact them.
%%
And no one else wanted to play.
%%
...And no philosophy, sadly, has all the answers.  No matter how assured
we may be about certain aspects of our belief, there are always painful
inconsistencies, exceptions, and contradictions.  This is true in
religion as it is in politics, and is self-evident to all except
fanatics and the naive.  As for the fanatics, whose number is legion in
our own time, we might be advised to leave them to heaven.  They will
not, unfortunately, do us the same courtesy.  They attack us and each
other, and whatever their protestations to peaceful intent, the bloody
record of history makes clear that they are easily disposed to restore
to the sword.  My own belief in God, then, is just that -- a matter of
belief, not knowledge.   My respect for Jesus Christ arises from the fact
that He seems to have been the most virtuous inhabitant of Planet Earth.
But even well-educated Christians are frustrated in their thirst for
certainty about the beloved figure of Jesus because of the undeniable
ambiguity of the scriptural record.  Such ambiguity is not apparent to
children or fanatics, but every recognized Bible scholar is perfectly
aware of it.  Some Christians, alas, resort to formal lying to obscure
such reality.
 -- Steve Allen, comedian, from an essay in the book
 -- "The Courage of Conviction", edited by Philip Berman
%%
And not a man appears to tell their fate.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book x, Line 308
%%
And not from Nature up to Nature's God,
But down from Nature's God look Nature through.
 -- Robert Montgomery (1807-1855)
 -- Luther, A Landscape of Domestic Life
%%
And not having the most discriminating tastes, gleefully eats it.
%%
And nothing can we call our own but death
And that small model of the barren earth
Which serves as paste and cover to our bones.
For God's sake, let us sit upon the ground
And tell sad stories of the death of kings.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
And not to serve for a table-talk.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. iii, The Custom of the Isle of Cea
%%
And now abideth faith, hope and charity, these three; but the greatest
of these is charity.
 -- I Corinthians, 13:13
%%
And now, a brief pause while everyone says, "Who cares?"
%%
And now a few words from Lyle about the Remington 1100
%%
And now am I, if a man should speak truly, little better than one
of the wicked.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
AND NOW ANOTHER WORD FROM THE PENTAGON
Oh, and by the way... about those 45,000 body-bags we had shipped to
Saudi Arabia. They're actually going to be used to smuggle booze
in to our troops; otherwise we couldn't get it to them. Honest.
We're not really sure what we'll carry back in them though. Any ideas?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
And now, a personal request, sir. Permission to clean up the bridge.
 -- Lt. Worf to Picard about Q, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
AND NOW A QUICK COMPUTER JOKE
" Life's a batch, then you DIR "
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
AND NOW A REPORT ON THE SNAIL TOLL
The snail toll this year has risen to 382,272; more than 20,000 higher
than this time last year. Experts from the RSPCA accident research unit
and "Gardening Australia" say that if little more rain is present for the
rest of the year, the year's toll may be no higher than last year's
total.
    Joe Wheelbarrow, RSPCA spokesman said "It's a matter of public
education. These snails must be taught not to go out onto the paths of
this city straight after rain, only to be squashed flat by a drunk in
charge of a shoe."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
And now a word from the NULL device.
%%
AND NOW A WORD FROM THE PENTAGON
To all those sissy wimps who don't want a war - remember what we're
talking about here! What about all the oil we won't be able to
pollute the atmosphere with if we don't liberate Kuwait? What about
all the money people will make selling guns, bullets and planes?
If we don't attack, the stock-market might crash again. And we won't
be able to re-install the royal family of Kuwait. Dammit, they are
VERY rich!
Honestly, you pacifists are all the same, always thinking about the
human lives lost - what about the dollars and the oil?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
And now a word from Tonya about the Popeal tire iron.
%%
And now, a word from Wall Street:  "HELP!"
%%
And now, back to our regularly scheduled topic...
%%
And now, Bob, the fun begins.
%%
And now, Crime-stoppers, let's repeat the "Crime-stopper's Oath"...
%%
And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.
%%
AND NOW FOR MORE BLACK COMEDY.
Hullo dere! Dis is de Rasta-News! Dah Prime Minister today went down da
beach cruisin' man. He had himself a real mellow time... [Was this just an
excuse to run the Jive program? Probably not. But it sure looks dat way.]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
And now for my address: King Yakko, Care ofthe Castle, Anvilania 90210
%%
And now for some feedback:  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
%%
And now for something completely different!
%%
And now for something completely different.
A man with 3 buttocks.
%%
And now for something completely ridiculous...
%%
And now for something completely the same...
%%
And Now for something Really Amazing! - Bullwinkle
%%
And now for something ruder...
%%
And now for something we hope you'll really like.
%%
And now for the moment you've all been waiting for...there it goes...
%%
And now for the weather, which is every bit as yucky as the news.
%%
AND NOW, HERE IS THE NEWS FOR SMILEYS             :-)
  - Well known smiley personality Guy Smiley (see artist's impression,
above) of Sesame Street fame has been arrested on obscenities charges.
  - A network committee will look into the recently high population growth of
smileys on Internet. They will in particular be looking at the high migration
of smileys into NetNews, and the alarming incidence of homeless smileys in
rec.humor.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
And now here's Father Raymond Brennan - a priest who has been literally
 a father to hundreds of children.
%%
And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest
 in blood and guts, in living color, you're about to see another first---an
 attempted suicide.
 -- Chris Hubbock, who shot herself during a broadcast
%%
And now I see the face of god, and I raise this god over the earth,
this god whom men have sought since men came into being, this god
who will grant them joy and peace and pride.

This god, this one word:
'I'
 -- Equality 7-2521
%%
And now I spill myself another drink...
%%
And now, let's get right to tonight's
 feature presentation of 'Bambi vs. Godzilla'
%%
And now, let the fun begin.
%%
And now, let the hockey game begin.
%%
"And now, Little Bobby Pootwaddle will read last month's contest
winner."
"Last month's question --
    `In 1000 words or less, describe how
    Amy Sue Sturdfetzer looked much older than 12.'"
 -- The Cowboy Wally Show
%%
And now, Lorena Bobbitt for the Papule Pocket Friend.
%%
And now, More music and Les Nessman
%%
And now my brother, I will be... KING
 -- Arthur to Kay, "Excaliber", movie
%%
And now, on with the show!
%%
And now someone's on the telephone desperate in his pain
Someone's on the bathroom floor doing her cocaine
Someone's got his finger on the button in some room
No one can convince me we aren't gluttons for our doom
 -- the Indigo Girls, Prince Of Darkness
%%
And now that the legislators and the do-gooders have so futilely inflicted so
 many systems upon society, may they end up where they should have begun: may
 they reject all systems, and try liberty...
 -- Frederic Bastiat
%%
And now, the Bing Crosby show,
 brought to you by the makers of Ex-Lax.
 ...a brief pause, and then Bing !!
%%
And now the final score:  Deep Space 9, Babylon 5.
%%
And now we return you to your (ir)regular conference.
%%
And now, we will discuss the location of the Rebel base.
%%
And now, young Skywalker...you will die....
 -- yet another Imperial character with ambitions - (Star Wars)
%%
And Odelein crunches Iafrate into the glass!
%%
And o'er the hills, and far away
  Beyond their utmost purple rim,
Beyond the night, across the day,
  Thro' all the world she follow'd him.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Day-Dream, The Departure, iv
%%
And o'er them the lighthouse looked lovely as hope,--
  That star of life's tremulous ocean.
 -- Paul Moon James (1780-1854)
 -- The Beacon
%%
And o'er the past Oblivion stretch her wing.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xxiv, Line 557
%%
And of course Henry the Horse dances the waltz!
%%
And of course, No soap, radio.
%%
And, of course, when the people find out you've burnt Doctor Johnson's
  dictionary, they may go around saying, 'Look, there's Thick George
  ...he's got a brain the size of a weasels wedding tackle'.
 -- Edmund to George : Ink and Incapability
%%
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead
 by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business
 product: a really sharp-looking report.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
And of his port as meke as is a mayde.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 69
%%
And often did beguile her of her tears,
When I did speak of some distressful stroke
That my youth suffer'd. My story being done,
She gave me for my pains a world of sighs;
She swore, in faith, 't was strange, 't was passing strange,
'T was pitiful, 't was wondrous pitiful;
She wish'd she had not heard it, yet she wish'd
That Heaven had made her such a man; she thank'd me,
And bade me, if I had a friend that loved her,
I should but teach him how to tell my story,
And that would woo her. Upon this hint I spake:
She loved me for the dangers I had pass'd,
And I loved her that she did pity them.
This only is the witchcraft I have used.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
... and oftener changed their principles than their shirts.
 -- Dr. Young
%%
And oftentimes, excusing of a fault,
Doth make a fault the worse by the excuse;
As patches set upon a little breach,
Discredit more in hiding of the fault,
Than did the fault before it was so patch'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
And oftentimes, to win us to our harm,
The instruments of darkness tell us truths,
Win us with honest trifles, to betray 's
In deepest consequence.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
And oft, though wisdom wake, suspicion sleeps
At wisdom's gate, and to simplicity
Resigns her charge, while goodness thinks no ill
Where no ill seems.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 686
%%
And oh if there be an Elysium on earth,
It is this, it is this!
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Light of the Harem
%%
And one day we will master the art of karate and we will rise up and
make the buggers eyes water.
%%
And one ring to moderat... err... rule them all.
%%
And on her lover's arm she leant,
  And round her waist she felt it fold,
And far across the hills they went
  In that new world which is the old.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Day-Dream, The Departure, i
%%
And on that day, Lister, Satan will be skating to work.
 -- Rimmer.
%%
And on the 8th day, God said, "Ok, Murphy, you're in charge!"
%%
And on the 8th day, God switched to OLX 2.2 !
%%
And on the 8th day Man, unable to cope, discovered drugs.
%%
And on the seventh day, God said, "It's Miller time!"
%%
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
%%
And on the seventh day, He took an aspirin.
%%
And on the seventh day, while He was resting, He created snack
cakes.  And He saw that they looked good, and He did bite into one,
at which time he realized that they tasted like something that had
been sitting on a shelf wrapped in cheap plastic for decades.  He had
too much goop on His fingers to blast them into the void from which
they had come, and therefore He drove them out until they had left
the Promised Land and were stuck in a cheap, tacky display on the end
of the aisle.
 -- Haagendasz 3, 12-15
%%
And on the Tree of Life,
The middle tree and highest there that grew,
Sat like a cormorant.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 194
%%
Andorian Ambassador: "Devote yourself to motivations of passion."
 -- "Journey To Babel", Stardate 3842.3.
%%
And out of good still to find means of evil.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 165
%%
And out of mind as soon as out of sight.
 -- Lord Brooke (1554-1628)
 -- Sonnet lvi
%%
And over them triumphant Death his dart
Shook, but delay'd to strike, though oft invok'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 491
%%
And pines with thirst amidst a sea of waves.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 722
%%
And, pleased the Almighty's orders to perform,
Rides in the whirlwind and directs the storm.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- The Campaign, Line 291
%%
And, pray tell, whose imagination are you a figment of?
%%
And proud his mistress' order to perform,
Rides in the whirlwind and directs the storm.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iii, Line 263
%%
And put
My clouted brogues from off my feet.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
And puts himself upon his good behaviour.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto v, Stanza 47
%%
And rail'd on Lady Fortune in good terms,
In good set terms.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
And raw in fields the rude militia swarms,
Mouths without hands; maintain'd at vast expense,
In peace a charge, in war a weak defence;
Stout once a month they march, a blustering band,
And ever but in times of need at hand.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Cymon and Iphigenia, Line 400
%%
And reads, though running,
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, First Week, First Day
%%
Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes.
Galileo: No, unhappy the land that needs heroes.
 -- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
%%
And remember, a day without sunshine is like...night!
 -- Steve Martin
%%
"And remember: Evil will always prevail, because Good is dumb."
 -- One of the two funny jokes in SPACEBALLS
%%
And remember....If you can't beat it......Maybe she will!
%%
And remember kids, DON'T try this at home, do it at school!!
%%
And remember, let's do it to them before they do it to us.
%%
And remember - "Oprah" spelled backwards is "Harpo."
%%
And remember, rebooting your brain can be tricky.
 -- Eric Townsend (erict@flatline)
%%
And remember, the early bird who hesitates ... gets wormed!
%%
     ...and remember you're a Man, not just god, and for you there aren't
       and never will be any easy answers, only questions, and no reasons,
      only causes, and no meaning, only intelligence, and no destination
      and no kindly magic smiling down from above, and no fires to goad you
      from below, only Yourself and the Universe and what you make out of
      the interface between the two equals.
 -- Keith Laumer, _Night of Delusions_
%%
And rest at last where souls unbodied dwell,
In ever-flowing meads of Asphodel.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xxiv, Line 19
%%
Andre Vandapole has four silver medals in cyclocross, and none of
them gold.
 -- Phil Liggott, Channel 4 TV
%%
Andrew is the operating system of the future and always will be.
 -- Mary R. Thompson
%%
Andrew Jackson was the only U.S. President to believe that the world is flat. 
%%
And rival all but Shakespeare's name below.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part i, Line 472
%%
Andromache! my soul's far better part.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vi, Line 624
%%
ANDROPHOBIA:
  Fear of men.
%%
And rustic life and poverty
Grow beautiful beneath his touch.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Ode to the Memory of Burns
%%
And Satan trembles when he sees
The weakest saint upon his knees.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Exhortation to Prayer
%%
And science, we should insist, better than any other discipline,
can hold up to its students and followers an ideal of patient devotion
to the search for objective truth, with vision unclouded by personal
or political motive.
 -- Sir Henry Hallett Dalt
%%
And seem to walk on wings, and tread in air.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xiii, Line 106
%%
And sheathed their swords for lack of argument.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
And she had a bath once a year .....whether she needed it or not.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
... and she's buying a stairway to Heaven.
 -- Led Zeppelin
%%
And... she was wearing this sexy freudian-slip...
%%
And shun the frumious Bandersnatch.
%%
And sighs to find them in the wood and by the stream no more.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- The Death of the Flowers
%%
And simple truth miscall'd simplicity,
And captive good attending captain ill.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lxvi
%%
And since, I never dare to write
  As funny as I can.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Height of the Ridiculous
%%
...And since the stench of death will always attract flies and vermin,
the arrival of Geraldo was perhaps inevitable.
 -- Doonesbury
%%
And sleep in dull cold marble.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
And smale foules maken melodie,
That slepen alle night with open eye,
So priketh hem nature in hir corages;
Than longen folk to gon on pilgrimages.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 9
%%
And smooth as monumental alabaster.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
...and so castles made of sand slip into the sea eventually.
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
"...and so -- for weeks after -- you won't be able
 to swing a dead CAT in Jerusalem without hitting
 someone descended from the house of David...
 anointed by a close relative... riding into town
 on a donkey."
 -- The tantalizing tail end of the Judge's soliloquy, from CEREBUS
%%
And so from hour to hour we ripe and ripe,
And then from hour to hour we rot and rot;
And thereby hangs a tale.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
And so I penned
It down, until at last it came to be,
For length and breadth, the bigness which you see.
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 -- Pilgrim's Progress, Apology for his Book
%%
And so it begins that some things last forever...
%%
And so it ends?
%%
And so it goes!
%%
And so it was, later, as the miller told his tale,
 that her face, at first just ghostly,
 turned a whiter shade of pale.
 -- Procol Harum
%%
And so I will live to see another sunset.
 -- Speaker-to-Animals "Ringworld"
%%
And some fell upon stony ground and had no THC at all.
%%
And so, men, we can see that human skin is an even more complex and
fascinating organ than we thought it was, and if we want to keep it
looking good, we have to care for it as though it were our own.  One
approach is to undergo a painful surgical procedure wherein your skin
is turned inside-out, so the young cells are on the outside, but then
of course you have the unpleasant side effect that your insides
gradually fill up with dead old cells and you explode.  So this
procedure is pretty much limited to top Hollywood stars for whom
youthful beauty is a career necessity, such as Elizabeth Taylor and
Orson Welles.
 -- Dave Barry, "Saving Face"
%%
And some other's that i saw on some e-mail chain letter deal.  these
highlight the similarities between the king and jesus.
 -- Elvis
%%
...and sometimes a piercer drops by.
%%
And sometimes the bear eats you.
%%
And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you,
ask what you can do for your country.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963), Inaugural Address, 20 January 1961
%%
And so on to the end of the chapter.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. x
%%
And so sepulchred in such pomp dost lie,
That kings for such a tomb would wish to die.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Epitaph on Shakespeare
%%
'And so the obvious phallic symbolism of Wolverine's claws provides a
 counterpoint to the Oedipal blindness motif of Cyclops' ruby visor.'
 -- Carl Rigney
%%
And so to bed.
%%
And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.
%%
And so with vorpal sword in hand
%%
And statesmen at her council met
  Who knew the seasons, when to take
  Occasion by the hand, and make
The bounds of freedom wider yet.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- To the Queen
%%
And step by step, since time began,
I see the steady gain of man.
 -- John G. Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- The Chapel of the Hermits
%%
"And stop referring to dinner as `the recent unpleasantness'."
 -- The Lockhorns
%%
And storied windows richly dight,
Casting a dim religious light.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 159
%%
And stretched metre of an antique song.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet xvii
%%
And strictly meditate the thankless Muse.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 66
%%
And swans seem whiter if swart crowes be by.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, First Week, First Day
%%
And sweeten'd every musk-rose of the dale.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 496
%%
And take the new Buskirk cars. The ad says they're now rolling off the
 assembly line. If they could keep them on the assembly line they'd have a
 better car.
 -- Henry Morgan
%%
And taste
The melancholy joy of evils past:
For he who much has suffer'd, much will know.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xv, Line 434
%%
And telling me, the sovereign'st thing on earth
Was parmaceti for an inward bruise;
And that it was great pity, so it was,
This villanous saltpetre should be digg'd
Out of the bowels of the harmless earth,
Which many a good tall fellow had destroy'd
So cowardly; and but for these vile guns,
He would himself have been a soldier.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
And thank you for the child taglines.
%%
And That alone is.
%%
And that angered you did it: "seized my vessel, seized my vessel"...
These are the complaints of a closed mind to accustomed to
military priviledges.
 -- Q, "Hide & Q," stardate 41590.5.
%%
And that clueless people will stop posting personals to ASB.
%%
And that dismal cry rose slowly
  And sank slowly through the air,
Full of spirit's melancholy
  And eternity's despair;
And they heard the words it said,--
"Pan is dead! great Pan is dead!
      Pan, Pan is dead!"
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- The Dead Pan
%%
And that frog has very bad breath too.
%%
And that, in a breadbasket, is production control.
%%
And that inverted Bowl they call the Sky,
Whereunder crawling coop'd we live and die,
Lift not your hands to It for help - for It
As impotently rolls as you or I.
 -- Omar Khayyam/Edward Fitzgerald, The Rubaiyat
%%
And that one hunting, which the Devil design'd
For one fair female, lost him half the kind.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Theodore and Honoria, Line 227
%%
And that's another goal for the Long John Silver Impersonators!
%%
And that's a wrap!
%%
And that's inches babe, not centimetres.
 Johnny Holmes
%%
And that's the way it is...
 -- Walter Cronkite
%%
And that's the world in a nutshell...an appropriate receptacle.
 -- Stan Dunn
%%
"And that was the end of Grogan, the man who killed my father,
 raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and
 stole my Bible!"
 -- Romancing the Stone
%%
"And the Angel of the Lord dropped upon him, yea verily, saying:
My left hand carries iron, The right one steel.
If the left don't gitcha, Then the right one will."
 -- The Preacher gives his slightly warped version of, from GRIMJACK
%%
And the angels, all pallid and wan
 Uplifting, unveiling, affirm
 That the play is the tragedy 'MAN'
 And its hero Conqueror Worm
 -- Edgar Allan Poe "The Conqueror Worm"
%%
And the aptly named Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film.
%%
And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings xvii, 16
%%
And the bed smelled like a fish market.
"The catch of the day," he cried.
%%
And the best of all ways
To lengthen our days
Is to steal a few hours from the night, my dear.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Young May Moon
%%
And the best part of C++ is, when you change the guts of a class in a
header file, everything needs to be recompiled, even things that don't
care about the guts of the class!  Oh, wait.
 -- Rob Earhart
%%
And the Cartoon menace was no more....
%%
And the chances of there being _two_ bullets with my name on them are
  very small indeed.
Yes. That's not the only thing around here that's _very small indeed_.
  Your brain, for example, is so _minute_, Baldrick, that if a hungry
  cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough inside to
  cover a small water-biscuit.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
And the Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because
those people were religious nuts with guns.  Hell, this country was FOUNDED
by religious nuts with guns!
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
And the cold marble leapt to life a god.
 -- Henry Hart Milman (1791-1868)
 -- The Belvedere Apollo
%%
And the crowd was stilled.  One elderly man, wondering at the sudden
silence, turned to the Child and asked him to repeat what he had said.
Wide-eyed, the Child raised his voice and said once again, "Why, the
Emperor has no clothes!  He is naked!"
 -- "The Emperor's New Clothes"
%%
And the cry issues forth: WHAT DO YOU KNOW!!
%%
And the days dwindle down to a precious few...
%%
And the day star arise in your hearts.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Peter i, 19
%%
And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM
%%
"....and the far-flung Isles of Langerhans."
 -- Firesign Theatre's HOW TO BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE
%%
"And the fifth-highest grossing film in America
 this week is YOUNG GUNS, the new film where
 everybody in it is Martin Sheen's son, but nobody
 has the same last name."
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
And the fire will rain down from the sky.
%%
... and the first lesson is:
Never lose the alternative way out of sight.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
%%
And the first one said to the second one there, "I hope you're having fun."
%%
And the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course,
 merely a courtesy detail.
%%
And the gap, which was just under five seconds, is now just over four.
%%
And the God Ditka decreed Polish Sausage and Beer for all, every day.
%%
And the heart that is soonest awake to the flowers
  Is always the first to be touch'd by the thorns.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Oh think not my Spirits are always as light
%%
And the heat goes on...where the hand has been.
 -- Byrne/Eno
%%
And the imperial votaress passed on,
In maiden meditation, fancy-free.
Yet mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell:
It fell upon a little western flower,
Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound,
And maidens call it love-in-idleness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
And the kids around here look just like shadows, always quiet, holding
hands.
%%
And the lawyer looks down at his mutilated and severed arm and says: My Rolex,
my Rolex
%%
And the list goes on...
%%
And the Lord did grin. And the people did feed upon the lambs and sloths
 and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats...
 -- The Holy Book of Armaments
%%
And the Lord God said unto Moses -- and correctly, I believe ...
 -- Field Marshal Montgomery, opening a chapel service
%%
And the Lord Said let there be Light, then had a beer.
%%
...And the lord said, 'lo, there shall only be case or default labels
inside a switch statement'
-Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message.
%%
And the Lord said 'Maxwells Equations'. And there was light.
%%
And the Lord said, "Thou shalt not leave hairs unsplit."
%%
And the Lord said unto him, "Therefore whosoever slayeth
 Cain, venegance shall be taken on him sevenfold." And the Lord
 set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.
 -- Bible, Genesis 4:15
%%
And the Lord spake unto Elvis, "Thou hast spoken against me Elvis, and I
curse thee to have thy blue suede shoes trod upon for all time..."
%%
And the magic rat drove his street machine over the Jersey state line.
%%
And the men who hold high places...
%%
And then Adam said, "What's a headache?"
%%
And then God said, No, a BUD light!
%%
And then he drew a dial from his poke,
And looking on it with lack-lustre eye,
Says very wisely, "It is ten o'clock:
Thus we may see," quoth he, "how the world wags."
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
And then he wacked up and down my favorite baby seal.
%%
...and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me
would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him
yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his
heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes!
 -- James Joyce, _Ulysses_
%%
And the night shall be filled with music,
  And the cares that infest the day
Shall fold their tents like the Arabs,
  And as silently steal away.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Day is done
%%
And then I got rescued by this bowl!
 -- Jo, PLANET OF THE DALEKS
%%
"... and then I said to myself, 'Why should I split it two ways?'"
 -- G. Mouser
%%
And then it goes... BOOOOOMMMM!!!
%%
And then it started like a guilty thing
Upon a fearful summons.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
And then I woke up.
%%
And the northern lights commenced to glow.
 And she said, with a tear in her eye,
 "Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."
 -- Frank Zappa, "The Story of Nanook and the Fur Trapper"
%%
And then she pressed the ctrl key...
%%
"... and then the fun began."
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
... And then there's the guy who bought 20,000 bras, cut them in half,
and sold 40,000 yamalchas with chin straps ...
%%
And then there was Pac-Bell's resident expert on fiber-optic
communications.  Sort of a specialist in light conversation.
%%
And then there were the three cats on the ferry in the Seine
in Paris.  When an accident happened, the paper reported it as:
Un, deux, trois cats sank.
%%
And then these two ravishing beauties came up to me and whispered
  in my ear...that they loved me.
And what happened after you woke up, sir?
 -- George and Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
...And Then the world will be as one.
 -- John Lennon
%%
And then, they brought out the 8-by-10 color glossy pictures
 with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one
 explaining what it was.
%%
And then to breakfast with
What appetite you have.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
And the number of the counting shall be three.
%%
And then we had Marconi's radio...
%%
And the Other People: Allan Sundry
%%
And the people bowed and prayed, to the neon Gods they'd made.
 Paul Simon
%%
And the plural of house is....CAT.....'Hmmmm'
%%
And the poets downtown don't write nothing at all, they stand back and
let it all be
%%
And the Prince and Princess lived happily...well for eleven days..
%%
And the rabbit said.."Not on MY ears you don't!"
%%
And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis vii, 12
%%
And there are plenty of opportunities.
%%
And there began a lang digression
About the lords o' the creation.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Twa Dogs
%%
"And there!  Between STAR TREK and ASTROBOY... It's Zot's world!"
 -- Matt Feazall's send-up of ZOT!
%%
And thereby hangs a tale.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. iv
%%
And thereby hangs a tale.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.
%%
And there is even a happiness
That makes the heart afraid.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Ode to Melancholy
%%
And there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xix, 6
%%
And there's a crowd of young boys, they're fooling around in the corner.
 Joking, dressed in their best brown baggies and their platform soles.
 They don't give a damn about any trumpet-playing band;
 it ain't what they call rock and roll.
 -- Dire Straits
%%
And the RESET button lets you re-run AUTOEXEC.BAT!
%%
And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut.
%%
And there's no way out for me...
 -- the Tubes
%%
And there was mounting in hot haste.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 25
%%
And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and Amigas.
%%
And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and MS-DOS, and MS-Windows
%%
And the road warrior, that was the last we saw of him.
%%
And these blast points -- too accurate for Sandpeople.  Only Imperial
Stormtroopers are so precise.
 -- Ben Kenobi to Luke (Star Wars)
%%
And the sentence you're paying is too high priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams

%%
And these small projections?
An android alarm clock. Is that amusing?
 -- Dr. Crusher and Data, "Datalore", stardate 41242.4
%%
And the silence came surging softly backwards
When the plunging hooves were gone...
 -- Walter de La Mare, "The Listeners"
%%
And the silicon chip inside her head, got switched to "Overload"...
%%
And the tear that is wiped with a little address,
May be follow'd perhaps by a smile.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Rose
%%
And the tear that we shed, though in secret it rolls,
Shall long keep his memory green in our souls.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Oh breathe not his Name
%%
And the thunder rolls...
%%
And the time will come when you see we're all one
and life goes on within you and without you.
%%
...and the Total Key To Understanding Life At Microsoft
"Do not adjust your mind, it is reality that is malfunctioning."
%%
And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
%%
And the vile squeaking of the wry-necked fife.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains.
%%
"...and the world's smartest man means no more to
 me than its smartest termite."
 -- Dr. Manhattan against Adrian Veidt, in WATCHMEN
%%
AND THE WORST PIZZA IS: Watermelon and mayonnaise.
%%
And they saith unto Jesus,"How the @#$! did you do that?"
%%
And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, for
if you hit a man with a ploughshare, he'll know he's been
hit
%%
And they shall plow their swords into beach chairs.
%%
And they shamelessly clothe their females. Inviting others to unclothe
  them. The very depth of perversion.
 -- Ferengi to Portal, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
And, they taste like the toilet seats too!
%%
And they told us, what they wanted...
 Was a sound that could kill some-one, from a distance.
 -- Kate Bush
%%
And they've overthrown Nicolas the Second, who used to be bizarre...
Used to be _the_ Tzar, Baldrick...
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Major Star
%%
And they've visibly grown in stature - even the 5ft 6in Ramirez.
%%
And they were canopied by the blue sky,
So cloudless, clear, and purely beautiful
That God alone was to be seen in heaven.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Dream, Stanza 4
%%
And they were through.  There wasn't any pass.  There was only a
broken eggshell of Ringworld foundation material, stressed by terrific
stresses to a few feet of thickness; and beyond that, the crater in
Fist-of-God Mountain.
They were falling. And the crater was full of stars.
 -- "Ringworld"
%%
And this 2-record disco set, only from K-TEL!
%%
And this I know: whether the one True Light
Kindle to Love, or Wrath-consume me quite,
  One Flash of It within the Tavern caught
Better than in the Temple lost outright.
 -- Omar Khayyam (died c.1133)
 -- Rubaiyat, Stanza lxxvii
%%
And this is a table ma'am.  What in essence it consists of is a
horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical
columnar supports, which we call legs.  The tables in this laboratory,
ma'am, are as advanced in design as one will find anywhere in the
world.
 -- Michael Frayn, "The Tin Men"
%%
And this is good old Boston,
The home of the bean and the cod,
Where the Lowells talk only to Cabots,
And the Cabots talk only to God.
%%
And this is his sofa, is it?
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
And this is that Homer's golden chain, which reacheth down from heaven
to earth, by which every creature is annexed, and depends on his Creator.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 1, Memb. 2, Subsect. 1
%%
And this is what you do for fun.
%%
And THIS is your brain on drugs with a side order of toast and coffee.
%%
And this is your brain over-easy with a side of bacon.
%%
"And this," said Caesar, "you know, young man, is more disagreeable
for me to say than to do."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caesar
%%
And this the burden of his song
  Forever used to be,--
I care for nobody, No. not I,
  If no one cares for me.
 -- Isaac Bickerstaff (1735-1787)
 -- Love in a Village, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
"And *this* -- this is for losing my new luggage,
 you SLIMEBALL!"
 -- Race Bannon finally loses his temper in JONNY QUEST
%%
And this too shall come to pass.
%%
And those patches will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.
%%
And those that paint them truest praise them most.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- The Campaign, Last line
%%
And though all cry down self, none means his ownself in a literal sense.
 -- Butler
%%
And though he promise to his loss,
He makes his promise good.
 -- Tate and Brady
 -- xv, 5
%%
And though mine arm should conquer twenty worlds,
There 's a lean fellow beats all conquerors.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- Old Fortunatus
%%
And though thou hadst Small Latin, and less Greek.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- To the Memory of Shakespeare
%%
  And Thought leapt out to wed with Thought
Ere Thought could wed itself with Speech.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xxiii, Stanza 4
%%
And thought the nation ne'er would thrive
Till all the whores were burnt alive.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Paulo Purganti
%%
And thou hast walked about (how strange a story!)
  In Thebes's streets three thousand years ago,
When the Memnonium was in all its glory.
 -- Horace Smith (1779-1849)
 -- Address to the Mummy at Belzoni's Exhibition
%%
And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung
that cometh out of man, in their sight...Then he [the Lord!] said unto
me, Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung, and thou shalt
prepare thy bread therewith.
 -- Ezek. 4:12-15 (KJV)
%%
And thou, vast ocean! on whose awful face
Time's iron feet can print no ruin-trace.
 -- Robert Montgomery (1807-1855)
 -- The Omnipresence of the Deity, Part i
%%
And threat'ning France, plac'd like a painted Jove,
Kept idle thunder in his lifted hand.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Annus Mirabilis, Stanza 39
%%
                  And through the spaces of the dark
                  Midnight shakes the memory
                  As a madman shakes a dead geranium
 -- T.S. Eliot
%%
And thus ends another wit-filled message.
%%
And thus he bore without abuse
  The grand old name of gentleman,
  Defamed by every charlatan,
And soil'd with all ignoble use.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, cxi, Stanza 6
%%
And thus I clothe my naked villany
With old odd ends stolen out of
And seem a saint when most I play the devil.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 32
%%
And thus they give the time, that Nature meant
For peaceful sleep and meditative snores,
To ceaseless din and mindless merriment
And waste of shoes and floors.
 -- Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832-98), 
 -- English writer, mathematician
 -- Four Riddles, no. 1 (1869)
%%
And to all you virgins out there.....Thanks for nothing.
%%
And to bring in a new word by the head and shoulders, they leave out
the old one.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. v
%%
And today will go down in history as January 17 1991.
%%
And today will go down in history as Unknown.
%%
And to his eye
There was but one beloved face on earth,
And that was shining on him.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Dream, Stanza 2
%%
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
 -- Isaiah 56:12 [NSV]
%%
...and tonight we have the added ingredient of Kenny Dalglish
 not being here.
%%
And took for truth the test of ridicule.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- Tales of the Hall, Book viii, The Sisters
%%
And to our hairy cousins:apologies. Here, have a banana and a beer.
%%
  And topples round the dreary west
A looming bastion fringed with fire.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xv, Stanza 5
%%
And torture one poor word ten thousand ways.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Britannia Rediviva, Line 208
%%
And totally crash proof!
%%
`And to the liberty for which it stands, one nation, under God, with
freedom and justice for all.'  And let's never forget it.
 -- George Bush, mangling the Pledge of Allegiance
%%
And to think that only this morning I mistook you for an idiot only because
your views were different to mine. One could have a real talk with you, though
perhaps it would be wiser not to.
 -- Fyodor Dostoyevski, The Idiot
%%
And touch'd by her fair tendance, gladlier grew.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 47
%%
And truant husband should return, and say,
"My dear, I was the first who came away."
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 141
%%
And truths divine came mended from that tongue.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Line 66
%%
And truth severe, by fairy fiction drest.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, III, 3, Line 3
%%
And unextinguish'd laughter shakes the skies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book i, Line 771
%%
And upon all that are lovers of virtue, and dare trust in his Providence,
and be quiet and go a-angling.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 21
%%
And virtue, though in rags, will keep me warm.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Imitation of Horace, Book iii, Ode 29, Line 87
%%
And Walter, why does this issue concern you so?
The devil is paying me to have a conversation.
 -- Walter Lego
%%
"...And was head of Gestapo for 10 years.. No!  5 years!..
No!  No!  Nein, was not head of Gestapo at all! I make joke."
 -- Monty Python
%%
And waste their music on the savage race.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire v, Line 228
%%
And we are told in the Scriptures that at the beginning of time the Lord
 said, "Let there be light." But I've checked this out with a number of
 eminent biblical scholars. The Lord's complete statement was as follows:
 "Let there be light. Well, maybe not all day."
 -- Steve Allen
%%
And weep the more, because I weep in vain.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Sonnet, On the Death of Mr. West
%%
And we heard him exclaim
 As he started to roam:
 `I'm a hologram, kids,
 please don't try this at home!'
 -- Bob Violence, Howie Chaykin's little animated 3-dimensional darling
%%
 ... and we must consider, that since -- unfortunately -- we are forced
to live together, the most important thing for us to remember is that
the only way in which we can have any law at all is to have as little
of it as possible.  I see no ethical standard by which to measure the
whole unethical conception of a State, except in the amount of time, of
thought, of money, of effort and of obedience, which a society extorts
from its every member.   Its value and its civilization are in inverse
ratio to that extortion.  There is no conceivable law by which a man
can be forced to work on any terms except those he chooses to set.  There
is no conceivable law to prevent him from setting them -- just as there
is none to force his employer to accept them.  The freedom to agree or
disagree is the foundation of our kind of society ...
 -- Austen Heller
%%
And we were sufferin', until Suffrage!
%%
And we will all go together when we go...
%%
And we, with Nature's heart in tune,
  Concerted harmonies.
 -- William Motherwell (1797-1835)
 -- Jeannie Morrison
%%
And what accomplished villains these old engineers were!  What diabolical
ways to sabotage they found!  Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's
Commissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the
economic problems involved in the construction of socialism, and he loved to
give advice.  One such pernicious piece of advice was to increase the size
of freight trains and not worry about heavier than average loads.  The GPU
exposed van Meck, and he was shot: his objective had been to wear out rails
and roadbeds, freight cars and locomotives, so as to leave the Republic
without railroads in case of foreign military intervention!  When, not long
afterward, the new People's Commissar of Railroads ordered that average
loads should be increased, and even doubled and tripled them, the malicious
engineers who protested became known as limiters ... they were rightly
shot for their lack of faith in the possibilities of socialist transport.
 -- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago"
%%
And what are cat diapers called? PamPurrs?
%%
And what are you going to do with the death ray once its built?
%%
And what do I look like--the living?
%%
And what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to
love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?
%%
And what do we burn apart from witches?   *More* witches!
%%
And.....What ever became of Sweet Jane?
She's lost her sparkle, you see she isn't the same.
Livin' on reds, vitamin C, and cocaine
All a friend can say is "Ain't it a shame?"
%%
And what have I got to show for it? Nothing. A butler's uniform
  and a slightly effeminate hairdo.
 -- Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
And what have we got on this ship, a cuisanart?!
%%
And what he greatly thought, he nobly dar'd.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book ii, Line 312
%%
    And what is a good citizen?  Simply one who never says,
does or thinks anything that is unusual.  Schools are
maintained in order to bring this uniformity up to the highest
possible point.  A school is a hopper into which children are
heaved while they are still young and tender; therein they are
pressed into certain standard shapes and covered from head to
heels with official rubber-stamps.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
And what is fame, that flutt'ring noisy sound, but the cold lie of
universal vogue?
 -- H. Smith
%%
And what is so rare as a day in June?
  Then, if ever, come perfect days;
Then Heaven tries the earth if it be in tune,
  And over it softly her warm ear lays.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Vision of Sir Launfal, Prelude to Part First
%%
    And what is the professional wizard's greatest reward for completing a
particularly arduous and dangerous task? Is it the accolades of a grateful
populace? Is it huge amounts of gold and silver tossed about his feet? Is it
the complementary vacation in the pleasure gardens of Vushta, or his official
removal from the tax rolls? Although all of these other factors are important
for the wizard to feel truly honored, they pale before the professional
wizard's basic and oh-so-necessary demand: The stipulation that he never has
to repeat that particularly arduous and dangerous task, or one even remotely
like it, for as long as he shall live.
    Truly professional wizards, after all, must set priorities.
 -- How to Hire a Wizard and Still Profit From the Upcoming Netherhells Crisis,
 -- by Ebenezum, Greatest Wizard in the Western Kingdoms
 -- (book still in progress)
%%
And what is writ is writ,--
Would it were worthier!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 185
%%
And what is your bureau doing about bonsai?
 -- Harrison Chase, SEEDS OF DOOM
%%
And what its worth, ask death-beds; they can tell.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 51
%%
And what 's impossible can't be,
And never, never comes to pass.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- The Maid of the Moor
%%
And what so tedious as a twice-told tale.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xii, Line 538
%%
"And what's this fish doing in my ear?
        Arthur Dent.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
And WHAT were those mistakes my parents made?
%%
And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?
 asked the father of his little son.

 Diet.
%%
And what would you do if God spoke directly to your face and said, 'I
command that you be happy in the world.  As long as you live.'   What
would you do then?
 -- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
%%
"And what you didn't give away, you spent on wild
 parties, young girls, and every drug you could get your hands on."
  "Every pill I took kept it out of some kid's hands!"
 -- Melvis Wesley (yes, everyone uses a pseudonym these days)
 -- is back from the dead in "Dinosaurs For Hire"
%%
And when a lady 's in the case,
You know all other things give place.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Hare and many Friends
%%
"And when do you expect to get married?"
"Oh, right away, sport, right away, you know!  I 'aven't 'ad it
for weeks!"
 -- Monty Python
%%
And when fate summons even the Tsar must obey.
%%
And when he is out of sight, quickly also is he out of mind.
 -- Thomas a Kempis (1380-1471)
 -- Imitation of Christ, Book i, Chap. 23
%%
And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down.  Without
the rain, there would be no rainbow.
 -- Jerry Chin
%%
And when like her, O Saki, you shall pass
Among the Guests Star-scatter'd on the Grass,
  And in your blissful errand reach the spot
Where I made One--turn down an empty Glass.
 -- Omar Khayyam (died c.1133)
 -- Rubaiyat, Stanza ci
%%
And when once the young heart of a maiden is stolen,
  The maiden herself will steal after it soon.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Ill Omens
%%
And when the physician said, "Sir, you are an old man," "That happens,"
replied Pausanias, "because you never were my doctor."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Pausanias the Son of Phistoanax
%%
"And when they ask me, 'What are you looking at?'
I always tell them, nothing much".
%%
And when they've given you their all, some stagger and fall. After all
 it's not easy beating your heart up against some mad bugger's wall.
 -- Roger Waters
%%
And when with envy Time, transported,
  Shall think to rob us of our joys,
You 'll in your girls again be courted,
  And I 'll go wooing in my boys.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Winifreda (1720)
%%
And when you stick on conversation's burrs,
Don't strew your pathway with those dreadful urs.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- A Rhymed Lesson, Urania
%%
And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that
feeds their fury.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
And where you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it.
%%
And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span?
 -- Matthew 6:27
%%
And while I at length debate and beate the bush,
There shall steppe in other men and catch the burdes.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
And while the lamp holds out to burn,
The vilest sinner may return.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Hymns and Spiritual Songs, Book i, Hymn 88
%%
And while we're about it, who is this terrible Zodin?
 -- Peri, ATTACK OF THE CYBERMEN
%%
And while you're on your way back, I'd appreciate if you'd take the time to
learn the Babylon 5 mantra: Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova.
I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if this ever
happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out. Babylon Control
out.
 -- Lt. Commander Susan Ivanova, "Babylon 5"
%%
And whispering, "I will ne'er consent,"--consented.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 117
%%
And who (in time) knows whither we may vent
  The treasure of our tongue? To what strange shores
This gain of our best glory shall be sent
  T' enrich unknowing nations with our stores?
What worlds in the yet unformed Occident
  May come refin'd with th' accents that are ours?
 -- Samuel Daniel (1562-1619)
 -- Musophilus, Stanza 163
%%
And who is that 'lad' that calls me dad all the time  :)
%%
"And why did you come to earth?"
  "To collect sperm."
 -- Space Virgins
%%
And why does all of the corn in Western Iowa lean toward the West? The
 answer to that one is quite simple. Nebraska sucks!
%%
And wine can of their wits the wise beguile,
Make the sage frolic, and the serious smile.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiv, Line 520
%%
And wiped our eyes
Of drops that sacred pity hath engender'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
And with necessity,
The tyrant's plea,
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 393
%%
And without partiality, a woamn of sense and manners is the finest and most
delicate part of God's creation.
 -- Daniel DeFoe
%%
And would'st thou evil for his good repay?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xvi, Line 448
%%
"And wow!  Hey!  What's this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast?
Very very fast.  So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding
name like ... ow ... ound ... round ... ground!  That's it!  That's a
good name - ground!  I wonder if it will be friends with me?" - A very
surprised sperm whale.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
And wrinkles, the damned democrats, won't flatter.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto x, Stanza 24
%%
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
 -- John 8,32
%%
And yes - I crave your strong, sinewy body.
Well...you're only human.
 -- Amy and Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
And yesterday the planet seemed to be going so well..
%%
And yet, as angels in some brighter dreams
Call to the soul when man doth sleep,
So some strange thoughts transcend our wonted themes,
And into glory peep.
 -- Henry Vaughan (1621-1695)
 -- They are all gone
%%
And yet he had a thomb of gold parde.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 565
%%
And yet I should have dearly liked, I own, to have touched her lips;
to have questioned her, that she might have opened them; to have
looked upon the lashes of her downcast eyes, and never raised a blush;
to have let loose waves of hair, an inch of which would be a keepsake
beyond price:  in short, I should have liked, I do confess, to have
had the lightest license of a child, and yet been man enough to know
its value.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have
a sense of humor, as does history.  Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks
tragedy, and this too is historic.  And yet, still, when corn meets
tragedy face to face, we have politics.
 -- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and Ground Cover"
%%
... And yet the true creator is necessity, which is the mother of
invention.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic", Book II. 369C
%%
And you, brave Cobham! to the latest breath
Shall feel your ruling passion strong in death.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 262
%%
And you don't resent it? The VISOR or being blind?
Since they are both part of me and I really like who I am, why should
  I resent them?
 -- Scholar and Geordi, "Loud as a Whisper", stardate 42477.2
%%
And you know Flipper, he lives in a world full of wonder.
%%
And you may ask yourself  "Am I right? ... Am I wrong?"
And you may say to yourself  "MY GOD! ... WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
 -- The Talking Heads
%%
And you said it would be pretty down here.
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
And you should hear them whining about our state flag ...
%%
And you thought BATS were just for Baseball!
%%
And you thought CHAOS ment rush-hour traffic!
%%
And you thought space was warped.
%%
And you thought You's Seen It all? Well, you have...
%%
 Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15
 minutes.  Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you
 weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White.  Sorry.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body.
%%
A nearby penny is worth a distant dollar.
%%
An earthquake is Mother Nature's "silent" pager going off.
%%
An ear to the ground and nose to the grindstone can be painful.
%%
An easily-understood, workable falsehood is more useful
than a complex, incomprehensible truth.
 -- Thumb's Second Postulate
%%
An easy life saps one's will.
%%
An eccentric America is a Safe America...
%%
A necessary item only goes on sale after you have purchased it at
the regular price.
 -- Sherry Graditor
%%
An eclipse of the Earth occurs when you put your hands over your eyes.
%%
An economist is a chap who, when asked for his social security number,
gives an estimate.
 -- K. M. Reese, "Newscripts", Chemical & Engineering News (26 Jun 89), p. 64
%%
An economist is a man who would marry Farrah Fawcett for her money.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow
why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
An educated owl says 'WHOM' !
%%
An educator should consider that he has failed in his job
if he has not succeeded in instilling some trace of a divine
dissatisfaction with our miserable social environment.
 -- Anthony Standen
%%
Aneedawhack: An obnoxious, spoiled child in a mall.
%%
A needless Alexandrine ends the song,
That like a wounded snake drags its slow length along.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 156
%%
A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,
A living-dead man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Comedy of Errors
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
An eerie glow emanates from a small orb floating in mid-air.
%%
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
%%
An efficient organization is one in which the accounting
department knows the exact cost of every useless
administrative procedure which they themselves have initiated.
 -- E.W.R. Steacie
%%
An efficient program is an exercise in logical brinkmanship.
 -- E. Dijkstra
%%
An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: if gets laid once; it gets
eaten once.  It also has to come in a box with 11 others, and the only
person who will sit on its face is its mother.
%%
An egg today is better than a hen tomorrow.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
An egg without salt is like a kiss from a beardless man.
%%
An ego like a black hole.
%%
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
%%
An Egyptian King passing gas is a toot uncommon.
%%
A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out
on loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed
loudly inside the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom
do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
%%
An elected official is one who got 51% of the vote cast by 42% of
the 67 percent
 of the people who are eligible to vote. When you calculate the odds, you
 are just damn lucky to get anyone to run for any office.
%%
An election year is the time politicians want to help us out of
all the trouble they got us into in the first place.
%%
An electrical engineer deals with current events.
%%
An Electrician gets into people's shorts!
%%
An electrician worries about current events.
%%
An elegant sufficiency, content,
Retirement, rural quiet, friendship, books,
Ease and alternate labour, useful life,
Progressive virtue, and approving Heaven!
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Spring, Line 1158
%%
An Elementary-School student's comment on politics:

Some of our presidents never did much else and are famous only because
they became president.
%%
An elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
An elephant can be pregnant for up to two years. 
%%
An elephant is a mouse using OS/2 ...
%%
"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system."
 -- ...understanding Windows
%%
"An elephant is like long-term memory"
 -- A blind psychologist
%%
An elven cloak is always the height of fashion.
%%
An elven cloak protects against magic.
%%
An Emperor who does not rule deposes himself.
 -- Draconian Emperor, FRONTIER IN SPACE
%%
An employee with nothing to hide may well be an employee with
nothing to offer.
 -- Robert Ellis Smith, Publisher of the 'Privacy Journal'
%%
An employer was asked to write a recommendation for a worker who was
leaving and was not known for putting out a great deal of effort while
on the job. Since the employer did not want to lie and make this
person better than he was, he thought a while before writing anything.
Finally, he found just the right words: "You would indeed be
fortunate to get this person to work for you."
%%
An empowered organization is one in which individuals have the knowledge,
skill, desire, and opportunity to personally succeed in a way that
leads to collective organizational success.
 -- Stephen R. Covey, Principle-centered Leadership
%%
An empty bag cannot win in New York.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
An empty bus travels fast.
%%
An empty man is full of himself.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
An encounter with a beautiful woman is good medicine for the well organized
logical mind -- a little jolt never hurt.  Note that the anarchists have been
saying this for years about the A-bomb and civilization.
 -- Encyclopadia Apocryphia
%%
An engineer is a man who can do for a dime what any fool can do for a
dollar.
%%
An engineer is an unordinary person who can do for one dollar
what any ordinary person can do for two dollars.
%%
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
%%
An English judge, growing weary of the barrister's long-winded
summation, leaned over the bench and remarked, "I've heard your
arguments, Sir Geoffrey, and I'm none the wiser!"  Sir Geoffrey
responded, "That may be, Milord, but at least you're better informed!"
%%
An Englishman is a man who lives on an island in the North Sea
governed by Scotsmen.
%%
An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
 -- A. P. Herbert
%%
An Englishman thinks he is moral only when he is uncomfortable.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
An enneahedron is solid with nine faces. 
%%
An enterprise employing more than 1000 people
becomes a self-perpetuating empire, creating so much internal work
that it no longer needs any contact with the outside world.
 -- Parkinson's Law of 1000
%%
An entire fraternity of strapping Wall-Street-bound youth.   Hell - this
 is going to be a blood bath!
 -- Post Bros. Comics
%%
An epicece Gnome of Zurich, wearing a three-piece suit and carrying a
safety deposit box materializes in the room.  "You seem to have
forgotten to deposit your valuables," he says, tapping the lid of the
box impatiently.  "We don't usually allow customers to use the boxes
here, but we can make this ONE exception, I suppose..."  He looks
askance at you over his wire-rimmed bifocals.
%%
An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but
dimly.
 -- E. P. Whipple
%%
An equal opportunity flamethrower.
%%
An era can be said to end when its basic illusions are exhausted.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it,
 the harder it gets.
%%
Anergy-State: Any state of the Universe, or any portion of it, which requires
the expenditure of human effort or ingenuity to bring it into line with human
desires, needs, or pleasures.
 -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Aneroid Barometer: Meteorological instrument which sailors often use to
                 confirm the onset of bad weather.  Its readings, together
             with heavy rain, severe rolling, high winds, dark skies,
              and a deep cloud cover, indicate the presence of a storm.
 -- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.
 -- O.A. Battista
%%
An error?  Impossible!  My modem is error correcting.
%%
An error is simply a failure
 to adjust immediately
 from a preconception to an actuality.
 -- John Cage, composer
%%
An error is the more dangerous in proportion to the degree of truth
which it contains.
 -- Henri Frederic Amiel (1821-1881)
%%
An essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail.
 -- Edwin Land
%%
Anesthetists do it painlessly.
%%
An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his
 own good.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
An evil, at its birth, is easily crushed, but it grows and strengthens
by endurance.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
An evil mind is a great comfort.
%%
A new author attempted to get an older author to read his works simply by
 sending them to the older man. The older author read what was sent and
 replied that the work was both interesting and original, but unfortunately,
 that which was original was not interesting and that which was interesting
 was not original.
%%
A new broom sweeps clean, but never trust an old saw.
 -- James Thurber
%%
A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows the corners.
%%
A new cask will long preserve the tincture of the liquor with which it
was first impregnated.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
A new diet or exercise program can be unusually beneficial for you now.
%%
A new dramatist of the absurd Has a voice that will shortly be heard. I learn
from my spies He's about to devise An unprintable three-letter word.
%%
A new drink's been invented---
        It's one part vodka and one part prune juice, and it's called
 a pile driver.
%%
A New Employee: The boss came in and said "I think you are the laziest
 person I have ever encountered. You are absolutely worthless. All you do is
 take up space.! Tell me one good thing about yourself, one way in which
 there is some benefit in keeping you on the payroll?" The employee
 responded, "When I go on vacation, you don't have to hire someone to
 replace me."
%%
A new food additive, derived from the sweat on Michael Jackson's hands
after a concert.  It will be used mostly in confections requiring
a smooth texture.  Other uses may be derived.  This additive will
appear on package labels as:

   Partially Androgenated Palm Oil
%%
A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be
stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the
right man's brow.
 -- Charlie Brower
%%
A new koan:

 If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.

  If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.

It is an ice cream koan.
%%
A NEW life awaits you in the OFF WORLD colony, the chance to
begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure !
New climates, recreational facilities ...
The custom tailored genetically engineered humanoid replicant designed
especially for YOUR needs !!
 -- Bladerunner
%%
A newly married man comes home to find his wife in tears. He asks what
 caused the tears and she tells him. "The dog ate our dinner! To which he
 replies: "Don't worry, I'll buy you a new dog."
%%
A new mother soon becomes a chief cook and bottom washer.
%%
A new name for Political Correctness:  Euphemasia.
%%
A new preacher came to a local church and gave what he considered a fairly
 reasonable example of a sermon for the consideration of the locals. He came
 back on the following Monday night to meet with the Board of Deacons, and
 before the meeting went into the bathroom. On the hand dryer he noted a
 sign which read "This device placed here courtesy of the preacher we had
 this last Sunday." He did not get to stay!
%%
A new report from the government says raw eggs may have salmonella and may
 be unsafe. In fact, the latest government theory says it wasn't the fall
 that killed Humpty Dumpty--he was dead before he hit the ground.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents
and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents
eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.
 -- Max Planck, 1858-1947
%%
A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.
 -- Arthure "Bugs" Baer
%%
A newspaper is a collection of half-injustices.
%%
A newspaper is a device which is unable to discriminate between a bicycle
 accident and the total collapse of civilization.
%%
A newspaper is to a book as a whore is to a lady.
%%
A newspaper story reports the following graffiti on a wall in Budapest:
"Marx is dead. Lenin is dead. And I don't feel so good either."
%%
A new Sports Stadium was completed in Warsaw, Poland, recently. There have
 been a large number of complaints about the design, since no matter where
 you are seated, you are seated behind a Pole. (Sorry about that, really,
 terribly so, awful much!)
%%
A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary.
Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a round tuit now
has no excuse for further procrastination.
%%
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since
 the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
 -- In an East African newspaper
%%
A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow.  The time
had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had
come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to
catching instructions on the wing.  In other words, we never did trust
the engineers - and from the very first years of the Revolution we saw to
it that those lackeys and servants of former capitalist bosses were kept
in line by healthy suspicion and surveillance by the workers.
 -- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago"
%%
A NEW weapon against The Borg...Make them D/L Windows!
%%
A New York City judge ruled that if two women behind you at the movies
insist on discussing the probable outcome of the film, you have the
right to turn around and blow a Bronx cheer at them.
%%
A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
%%
An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.
%%
An example is not proof.
%%
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a
great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
%%
An example of hard water is ice.
%%
An excellent angler, and now with God.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
An exception TESTS a rule; it NEVER proves it.
 -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
An excess of syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-colon
%%
An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is
a lie guarded.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
An executive is a person who always decides;
sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides.
 -- John H. Patterson
%%
An executive is a person who is always annoying the hired
help by asking them to do things.
%%
An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.
%%
An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
%%
An expatriot Limey!
%%
An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
%%
An experiment is reproducible until another laboratory tries to repeat it.
 -- Dr. Alexander Kohn
%%
An expert, aside from being a former spurt, is a person who knows more and
 more about less and less until he knows practically nothing about anything.
 The more likely a person is to be known as an expert is in direct ratio to
 the distance that person is from home, which is also known as the law of
 real catastrophe: The greater the distance from home, the heavier the
 expert.
%%
An expert doesn't know more than you do. He is merely better organized and
has slides.
 -- Van Oech's Law
%%
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes
which can be made, in a narrow field.
 -- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
%%
An expert is a man who has stopped thinking. Why should he
think? He's an expert.
%%
An expert is a mechanic away from home.
%%
An expert is anyone from out of town.
 -- Mars' Rule
%%
 An expert is a person who avoids the small errors
 while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
 -- Weinberg's Principle
%%
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less
until he gets to the point where he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
 -- Weber's Definition
%%
An expert on the historical significance of cottage cheese.
%%
   An extraordinary TALL KNIGHT in all black (possibly John with Mike on his
   shoulders) walks out from the dark trees.  He is extremely fierce and
   gruesome countenance.  He walks towards KING ARTHUR and PATSY, who are
   wazzing like mad.  (Salopian slang, meaning very scared.  almost to the
   point of wetting oneself, e.g. before an important football match or
   prior to a postering.  Salopian slang meaning a beating by the school
   praeposters.  Sorry about the Salopian slant to this stage direction - Ed.)
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
An eye in a blue face
Saw an eye in a green face.
"That eye is like this eye"
Said the first eye,
"But in low place,
Not in high place."
%%
An eye like Mars, to threaten and command.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Angels and ministers of grace, defend us!
Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn'd,
Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell,
Be thy intents wicked or charitable,
Thou comest in such a questionable shape
That I will speak to thee: I 'll call thee Hamlet,
King, father, royal Dane: O, answer me!
Let me not burst in ignorance, but tell
Why thy canonized bones, hearsed in death,
Have burst their cerements; why the sepulchre,
Wherein we saw thee quietly inurn'd,
Hath oped his ponderous and marble jaws
To cast thee up again. What may this mean,
That thou, dead corse, again in complete steel
Revisit'st thus the glimpses of the moon,
Making night hideous,
So horridly to shake our disposition
With thoughts beyond the reaches of our souls?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
"Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly."
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
Angels listen when she speaks:
  She 's my delight, all mankind's wonder;
But my jealous heart would break
  Should we live one day asunder.
 -- Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)
 -- Song
%%
Angels we have heard on High
Tell us to go out and Buy.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
Anger a dragon not, as you are tasty & go well with brie.
%%
Anger always drives the mouth faster than the mind.
%%
Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding
 -- Mahatma Ghandi
%%
Anger begins with folly, and ends with repentance.
 -- H. G. Bohn
%%
Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control
you.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Anger is a relative state.
 -- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold," stardate 3615.4.
%%
Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp's nest.
%%
Anger is a weed; hate is the tree.
 -- Augustine
%%
Anger is blood, pour'd and perplexed into a froth.
 -- Davenant
%%
Anger is like
A full-hot horse, who being allow'd his way,
Self-mettle tires him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Anger is seldom without argument but seldom with a good one.
 -- Halifax
%%
Anger kills.
%%
Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
%%
Anger makes dull men witty--but it keeps them poor.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon
%%
:angle brackets: n. Either of the characters `<' (ASCII
   0111100) and `>' (ASCII 0111110) (ASCII less-than or
   greater-than signs).  Typographers in the {Real World} use angle
   brackets which are either taller and slimmer (the ISO `Bra' and
   `Ket' characters), or significantly smaller (single or double
   guillemets) than the less-than and greater-than signs.
   See {broket}, {{ASCII}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Anglers do it with worms.
%%
Angling is somewhat like poetry,--men are to be born so.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 1
%%
Angling may be said to be so like the mathematics that it can never
be fully learnt.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Author's Preface
%%
Angling: The name given to fishing by non-fishermen.
%%
Angry Candy leaves a bittersweet taste.
%%
:angry fruit salad: n. A bad visual-interface design that uses too
   many colors.  (This term derives, of course, from the bizarre
   day-glo colors found in canned fruit salad.)  Too often one sees
   similar effects from interface designers using color window systems
   such as {X}; there is a tendency to create displays that are
   flashy and attention-getting but uncomfortable for long-term
   use.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Angular Momentum Makes The World Go 'Round.
%%
An habitation giddy and unsure
Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
An handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings xvii, 12
%%
An harmless flaming meteor shone for hair,
And fell adown his shoulders with loose care.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Davideis, Book ii, Line 95
%%
An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.
%%
An honest day's work for an honest day's beating!
%%
An honest exceeding poor man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
An honest executive is one who shares the credit with the person
who did all the work.
%%
An honest god is the noblest work of man.   ... God has always resembled his
 creators.  He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariably
 found on the side of those in power. ... Most of the gods were pleased with
 sacrifice, and the smell of innocent blood has ever been considered a divine
 perfume.
 -- Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
An honest God's the noblest work of man.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
An honest man, close-button'd to the chin,
Broadcloth without, and a warm heart within.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Epistle to Joseph Hill
%%
An honest man's pillow is his peace of mind.
%%
An honest man's word is as good as his bond.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxiii
%%
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
 -- Simon Cameron (1799-1889)
%%
An honest tale speeds best, being plainly told.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
An hors d'oeuvre is an unfamiliar creature curled up on a cracker and
 stabbed with a toothpick to make sure it's dead.
 -- Pat Buttram
%%
An hour before the worshipp'd sun
Peered forth the golden window of the east.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
A nice man is a man of nasty ideas.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Thoughts on Various Subjects
%%
A nice part--only "four sides"--but good company and in for a long run.
 -- Written on grave
%%
An icicle

It runs and runs
 and never tires
Down and down
and never up.
(A stream)
%%
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore!
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
A nickname is the heaviest stone the devil can throw at a man.
%%
An idea is a curious thing. It won't work unless you do.
%%
An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God.  Some of these
eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as
possible.
 -- Russell Hoban, "Pilgermann"
%%
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
%%
An idea is salvation by imagination.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
An idea, like a ghost (according to the common notion of a ghost)
must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
An idealist believes the short run doesn't count.
A cynic believes the long run does not matter.
A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run
determines the long run.
 -- Sydney J. Harris, newspaper columnist
%%
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than
  a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as
charming as if she weren't.
 -- Sacha Guitry
%%
An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at
all.
 -- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
An idea which cannot be commercialized is just a passing thought.

 -- Momofuku Ando (Nissin Foods)
%%
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
%%
An idler is a watch that wants both hands,
As useless if it goes as if it stands.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Retirement, Line 681
%%
A nightingale dies for shame if another bird sings better.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 6
%%
A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
%%
A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors
%%
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
%%
A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
%%
A night of love is so sweet and hard to find.
%%
An ignorant maid of Durango
Wasn't told where to make a man's wang go,
       But she garnered this knowledge
       Her first night in college
With a sigh you could play as a tango.
%%
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
An ill agreement is better than a good judgement.
 -- Proverb
%%
An ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
An ill weed grows apace.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- An Humorous Day's Mirth
%%
An ill winde that bloweth no man to good.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
Animal attraction: here for hunger or for love.
%%
Animalens Inc. of Wellesley, Mass., markets red contact lenses for chickens
(at 20 cents a pair), pointing to medical studies showing that chickens
seeing red during the day are happier and eat less food.  A spokesman said
the lenses will improve world egg-laying productivity by $600 million a
year.
%%
"Animal Illnesses" by Ann Thrax
%%
ANIMAL RIGHTS MEANS OPEN SEASON ON HUMANS!
%%
Animals are little people with fur coats.
%%
Animals are your friends.  But they won't drive you home.
%%
Animals are your friends.  But they won't pick you up at the airport.
%%
Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's -- "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Animal Scents: Farrah Mones
%%
Animals feed; man eats.  Only the man of intellect and judgement knows
how to eat.
 -- Antheime Brillat-Savarin
%%
 Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock
strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to
instruct   them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and
unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one
starts lawsuits over their wills.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Animals LIKE earthquakes, tornadoes, and volcanic activity.
%%
Animals/people: you can pet 99% of animals and still get a G rating.
%%
Animals -- the renewable resource.
%%
Animals, whom we have made our slaves, we do not like to consider
our equal.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
Animal Testing = Animal Suffering..
%%
Animators do it 24 times a second.
%%
An immense mirror is hanging against one wall, and stretches to the
other end of the room, where various other sundry objects can be
glimpsed dimly in the distance.
%%
An 'imp' is an off-shoot or cutting. Thus an 'ymp tree'  was
a grafted tree, or one grown from a cutting, not from seed.
'Imp' properly means a small devil, an off-shoot of Satan,
but the distinction between goblins or bogles and imps from
hell is hard to make, and many in the Celtic countries as
well as the English Puritans regarded all fairies as devils.
The fairies of tradition often hover uneasily between the
ghostly and the diabolic state.
 -- Katharine Briggs, A dictionary of Fairies
%%
An improper mind is a perpetual feast.
%%
An inch of dog is better than a mile of pedigree.
%%
An incompetent traitor is no danger. It is rather the capable men
who must be watched.
 -- Brodrig
%%
    An independant reality in the ordinary physical sense can neither be
      ascribed to the phenomenon nor to the agencies of observation.
 -- Niels Bohr
%%
An independent is the guy who wants to take the politics out of politics.
%%
An individual without information cannot take responsibility; an individual
who is given information cannot help but take responsibility.
 -- Jan Carlzon
%%
An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of
heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and
keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
An inexorable upward movement leads administrators to higher salaries
and narrower spans of control.
 -- David Riesman
%%
An inexperienced female kisser:
 Where do the noses go?  I always wondered where the noses would go?
%%
An infallible method of conciliating a tiger
is to allow oneself to be devoured.
 -- Konrad Adenauer
%%
An infinite number of bottles of beer on the wall.
%%
An influence ceases when the person receiving it becomes aware of it.
%%
An informant who never produces misinformation is too
deviant to be trusted.
 -- Jordan's Law
%%
AN INFORMED SOURCE - The guy who told the guy you just met.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
An informer should be hanged by his tongue.
%%
An inherently contradictory religion that will condone megadegeneracy.
%%
An inherited treasure awaits you.
%%
An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult.
%%
An INK-LING?  Sure -- TAKE one!!  Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
An insane learner learns strange lessons.
%%
An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.
 -- Emerson
%%
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
%%
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell
more than he knows.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
An intellectual is a person whose mind watches itself.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell
 Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.
 -- Dan Rather
%%
An intelligence test often shows how smart one would have been not to take it.
%%
An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise.
 -- Victor Hugo, Ninetythree, 1874
%%
An intelligent Russian once remarked to us, 'Every country has its own
constitution; ours is absolutism moderated by assassination.'
 -- Georg Herbert
%%
An intelligent snake is a smart asp.
%%
An interesting statistic:  95.1%. That's about everyone.
%%
An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education
too seriously.
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
An invisible force field repels you with violet sparks flying.
%%
An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies
of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.
%%
An iron horse,
with a flaxen tail,
The faster that the horse does run,
The shorter does his tail become.
 Needle and thread.
%%
Anita Hill:When sh*t happens, tell everyone 10 years later.
%%
An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
An it harm none,
Do what ye will.
%%
An it harms none, do what thou will.
 -- Wiccan Credo
%%
An I thought he had been valiant and so cunning in fence, I 'ld have
seen him damned ere I' ld have challenged him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
A Nixon [is preferable to] a Dean Rusk -- who will be passionately
wrong with a high sense of consistency.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Ankh if you love Isis
%%
Ankle deep in the DNA pool ...
%%
An "M" is an V that broke its leg playing football.
%%
Anna one, anna two.. hit it boyz...
%%
Anne Boleyn:
Heads are going to f%*king roll
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Annette!  Karen!  Cubby!
%%
Annex Canada now!  We need the room, and who's going to stop us?
 -- A Tom Neff .signature
%%
Annie:  I lived in my head mostly.
Cooper: That's not a bad neighborhood.
Annie:  There were some pretty strange neighbors.
 -- Annie Blackburne & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Annihilating all that 's made
To a green thought in a green shade.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- The Garden
%%
Annihilation of Jews:  Holocaust; Annihilation of men:  Battle
%%
ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like
 RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
ANNOUNCEMENT: New Ford Bronco Option...a juice extractor.
%%
ANNOUNCERS broadcast
%%
Announcer:  They witnessed the vast menagerie of animals.
Bullwinkle: Menagerie my foot!  Those things are real!
%%
Announcing the SHOGSORPOP!  Send $15.95 to...
%%
Annoy a Conservative: Ask them about the last election!
%%
Annoy a Conservative: Ask them to tell the truth!
%%
Annoy a Fundamentalist: Tell him the truth!
%%
Annoy a liberal: Ask him/her/it to be truthful.
%%
Annoy a Republican: Remind them of the Reagan/Bush record!
%%
Annoyed to be left unarmed in such an obviously dangerous
neighborhood, the thief slips off into the shadows.
%%
 (Annoying flute music in background:)  Good day, Jim.  Your
 contact, Linda, is not available right now.  Your mission,
 should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number,
 and a brief message at the tone.  This tape will self-destruct
 in thirty seconds.  Good Luck, Jim.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
 (Annoying radio announcer's voice:)  Congratulations!  You have
 reached 555-1234, perhaps one of the most obnoxious answering
 machine messages in the greater Seattle area!  If you don't know
 who you are dialing, HA!  If you DO know who you are dialing,
 you were probably expecting something like this!
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Annoy Limbaugh: Remind him the US is not a "Christian" country!
%%
Annoy the IRD: Fill out your tax form using hexadecimal
%%
Annoy the liberal media: think for yourself.
%%
Annoy the liberals - listen to Rush!
%%
Annoy your roommate, Skip to the bathroom.
%%
Annoy your roommate, Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
%%
Annoy Yourself: Ask a politician what time it is!
%%
Annual drug deaths: tobacco: 395,000, alcohol: 125,000, 'legal' drugs: 38,000,
illegal drug overdoses: 5,200, marijuana: 0.  Considering government subsidies
of tobacco, just what is our government protecting us from in the drug war?
 -- William A. Turnbow
%%
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six,
 result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty
 pounds ought and six, result misery.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
Annual shots will protect FIDO from Disease !
%%
An oak is not feel'd at one chop.
 -- Proverb
%%
An Oak Park, Illinois, ordinance forbids frying more than
one hundred doughnuts in a single day.
%%
An oath is a recognizance to heaven, binding us over in the courts
above, to plead to the indictment of our crimes, that those who 'scape
this world should suffer there.
 -- Sothern
%%
A Nobel Peace Prize? I'd kill for one of those.
%%
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
 -- David Gerrold
%%
An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
 -- David Gerrold
%%
An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book ii, Letter xv, 1
%%
An object never serves the same function as its image... or its name.
 -- Rene Magritte
%%
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
 -- Law of Selective Gravity
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is
directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
 -- Jenning's Corollary
%%
A noble choice, but first ...
%%
A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is higher
than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself.  The one
produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a
vulgar man aspires.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
An obstacle, that is, and unrecognized opportunity, often shows up when you
 lose sight of the goal.
%%
An obstinate man does not hold opinions, but they hold him.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
An Ode to C:
                  0x0d2C
                  ~~~~~~
May your signals all trap
   May your references be bounded
All memory aligned
   Floats to ints rounded.
                     And Remember ...
Non-zero is true                   Use -> for a pointer
   ++ adds one                        A dot if it's not
Arrays start with zero             ? : is confusing
   And, NULL is for none.             Use them a lot.

For octal, use zero                a.out is your program
   0x means hex                       There's no 'U' in 'foobar'
= will set                         And, char (*(*x())[])() is
   == means test.                     A function returning a pointer
                                   to an array of pointers to
                                      functions returning char.
%%
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!
%%
A nod--that's like a very hip nap.
 -- Del Close
%%
An OEM item will work only long enough to pass incoming inspection.
 -- Klipstein's Seventh Law of Production
%%
An officer in the US Civil War was inspecting his troops
while enemy snipers were active.  When warned to be careful, he said:
 Are you kidding?   They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
and collapsed, shot through the head.
%%
An official is always an official and always has a wild unquestioning
 belief in written reports.
%%
An "offsides" does NOT mean that a Russian player has just defected!
%%
Ano-fossal ambiguity (can't tell his ass from a hole in the ground).
%%
An Oilers fan since the days they played outdoors
%%
ANOINT, v.t.  To grease a king or other great functionary already
sufficiently slippery.

    As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood,
    So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.
                                                              Judibras
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A noisy exhaust to some almost amounts to a mating call.
%%
An Oklahoma law says that the driver of "any vehicle involved
in an accident resulting in death ... shall immediately stop ...
and give his name and address to the person struck."
%%
An old car that served you so well will continue to serve you until
you have just put four new tires under it and then will fall apart.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
An old cloak makes a new jerkin.
 -- Age-old English Proverb
%%
An old dog slowly being forced to learn new tricks.
%%
An old doting fool, with one foot already in the grave.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
An "old earth saying" is brought up - drink!
%%
An older couple are in bed one night, and the woman wakes up and says,
 "Sam, get up and close the window. It's cold outside." The fellow just
 keeps right on snoring. A little while later, she nudges him and says
 again, "Sam, get up and close the window! It's cold outside." He's about to
 go back to sleep, but she keeps shaking him, and so finally he gets up and
 shuts the window. He gets back into bed and says, "So now it's warm
 outside?"
 -- Myron Cohen
%%
An older lady is mugged and having no cash on hand she asks her
attacker if he will take a check.  The mugger agrees, so she calmly
asks who she should make the check out to.  Not thinking clearly, the
mugger gives the old lady his real name.  The man is arrested in his
home several hours later with the check still in his wallet.
%%
"An older person or a teenager can look at this (rock videos) and see the
 humor in it, but an eight- or ten-year-old isn't anesthetized yet."
 -- Tipper Gore, Washington Wife
%%
An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see
 a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of
 pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking
 enlightenment. I have given up everything I was asked to give up and I
 have suffered, but I have not been enlightened. What should I do?"
 Otis replied, "Give up suffering."
 -- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
%%
An old friend will help you move.  A good friend will help you move a
dead body.
 -- Jim Hayes, Los Angeles Times, June 9, 1994, pt.E, p.2
%%
        An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity
in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
 "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this.  Einstein says that if
you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like
an hour.  But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an
hour seems like a minute."
      The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a
moment and says, "And from this he makes a living?"
 -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
%%
An old lady sold her house and lot.  The house was pretty deteriorated.
"They're going to tear it down and put in a modulator," she said.
(she meant a modular house).
%%
An old leather bag, bulging with coins, is here.
%%
An old man, broken with the storms of state,
Is come to lay his weary bones among ye:
Give him a little earth for charity!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
An old man lost all his money. Seventy years old, hasn't got a dime. Who
 does he blame? His wife. He says, "If you were a good wife, you'd go out
 and work for me." She says, "What could I do?" He says, "You could be a
 whore!" "I could be a whore?" "You could try." She comes back the next
 morning all stooped over, dirty, disheveled. He says, "You made out?" She
 says, "Certainly I made out. I made twenty-four dollars and ten cents." He
 says, "Who gave you the ten cents?" She says, "Everybody."
 -- Belle Barth
%%
An old spinster was asked what she liked most in men.
"Appearance," she replied "and the sooner the better".
%%
An old stud took his young filly to a barn dance and she gave him the old
 stall after he made a pitch for the loft.
%%
An old timer is one who remembers the time when street people were city
 sanitation workers.
%%
An Oneida, Tennessee, ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song,
"It Ain't Goin' to Rain No Mo'."
%%
An onomatopia is a social-political system that just
sounds good
%%
Anon out of the earth a fabric huge
Rose, like an exhalation.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 710
%%
A non-swappable tag-line is in the way
%%
Anon they move
In perfect phalanx, to the Dorian mood
Of flutes and soft recorders.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 549
%%
An ontological statement utilizing minimal ideograms.
%%
A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.
 -- Phyllis Schlafly
%%
Anonymous message between lovers: N.O.R.W.I.C.H.
 translation: (K)Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home.
%%
An open mind gathers no dust.
%%
An open mind has but one disadvantage: it collects dirt.
 -- a saying at RPI
%%
An open mind is wonderful if matching mouth not included.
%%
An operating system is considered to have "crashed" when it halts itself
without being asked to.  The reason for the halt is often unknown.
 -- Sperry 5000 Operators Guide
%%
An oppressed people are authorized whenever they can to rise and breaktheir
fetters.
 -- Henry Clay (1777-1852) American Statesman
 -- Speech,  House of representatives, March 4, 1818
%%
An optimist invented an airplane; a pessimist a parachute
%%
An optimist is a driver who thinks that empty space at the curb
will not have a hydrant beside it.
%%
An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will
be postponed.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.
 -- Ring Lardner
%%
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience
 -- Donald R. Perry Marquis, "archy and mehitabel", 1927
%%
An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage.
A pessimist is a married optimist.
%%
An optimist is a person who goes to the window every morning and
says, "Good morning, God!" The pessimist goes to the window every
morning and says, "Good god, morning!"
%%
An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere, while a
pessimist sees only the red stoplight. . . The truly wise person is
colorblind.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
An optimist is someone who believes that the secret of eternal life will be
discovered before they die.  A pessimist is someone who believes it will be
discovered before Greg Evans does.
%%
An optimist laughs to forget... a pessimist forgets to la
%%
An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist
 always run to blow it out?
 -- Michel De Saint-Pierre
%%
An optimist -- Someone who hasn't been given all the facts yet.
%%
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
%%
An orange a day keeps the NEA at bay.
%%
An order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood.
 -- Army Axiom
%%
An ordinance on the books in Flowery Branch, Georgia, reads:
"Be it ordained, and it is hereby ordained, by the Mayor and
Council of the Town ... that on and after this date it shall
be unlawful for any person or persons to holler snake within
the city limits of said town."
%%
An organization dries up if you don't challenge it with growth.
 -- Mark Shepherd, former President and CEO of Texas Instruments
%%
An original idea can never emerge from a committee in the original.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
An original Tag-Line!
%%
A nose in artificial manure is not studying nature.
%%
A nose that can see is worth two that can sniff.
 -- Eugene Ionesco
%%
A notch off the timing mark.
%%
A note on the wall says: Nakrl Vauis Paris Xazt
%%
Another Armenia, Belgium...the weak innocents who always seem to
  be located on a natural invasion route.
 -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3198.4.
%%
Another bit of knowledge from the Hollywood Typographer
%%
Another Bizzarre Doughnut Reference
%%
Another brilliant mind ruined by JH.
%%
Another Bruin bites the dust - HEY! HEY!
%%
   Another bucket of what can only be described as human ordure hits ARTHUR.
ARTHUR: ... Right!  (to the KNIGHTS) That settles it!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch!
%%
Another damned, thick, square book!  Always scribble, scribble, scribble!
Eh, Mr. Gibbon?
%%
Another day, another 68 cents after taxes.
%%
Another day, another challenge.
%%
Another day, another death. Another sorrow, another breath.
 -- From "No Remorse" by Metallica
%%
Another day, another dollar.
 -- Vincent J. Fuller
 -- [defense lawyer for John Hinckley, upon Hinckley's acquittal]
%%
Another day.. Another job hopelessly botched...
%%
Another day, another ray of hope.
%%
Another day, another sausage...
 -- FZ, "Jezebel Boy"
%%
Another day, another shaving accident.
%%
Another deadline, another miracle
%%
Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American
Journal of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod
vectors."
%%
Another dream that failed.  There's nothing sadder.
 -- Kirk, "This side of Paradise," stardate 3417.3.
%%
Another exploration in black holes of Democratic Spending
%%
Another exploration in the black hole of time
%%
Another fine Good Intentions Paving Co. project!
%%
Another fine product from Bastards Inc.
%%
Another font of knowledge from the Typographer
%%
Another gin and tonic, please.
%%
"Another glorious day in the Corps. A day in the Marine Corps is like a day
 on the farm. Every meal a banquet, every paycheque a fortune, every formation
 a parade. I love the Corps!"
 -- Apone, "Aliens"
%%
Another glorious Sierra day in which one seems to be dissolved and absorbed
and sent pulsing onward we know not where. Life seems neither long nor
short, and we take no more heed to save time or make haste than do the
trees and stars. This is true freedom, a good practical sort of
immortality.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Another good day; the computer is still working!
%%
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
%%
Another great idea from the man who brought you Beer Milkshakes!
%%
   [Another hideous roar.]
BEDEVERE: That's it!
ARTHUR:   What?
BEDEVERE: It's The Legendary Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Another lazy day rolls by and yet I hear no reply...
%%
Another lean unwashed artificer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Another lesson I learned was not to give pieces of my company away when
 it was small in exchange for investment capital.   In the first place,
 those shares would be worth millions today.  Even more important, when
 you bring in shareholders, the government can start looking around at
 your business and telling you what to do, and let me tell you, the
 government knows *nothing* about running a business!
 -- John McCormack, _Self-Made in America_
%%
Another Liberal Lemming leaps off the cliff to oblivion!
%%
         Another Lonely Man
He's just another lonely man
Hugs his knees and soaks his bed
He holds his head with shaking hands
Watching teardrops falling red

And WHO will save this dying man
Hold his head and clear his eyes
And let him walk YOUR fertile lands
Who will help him, who will try?

No one,
He's just another lonely man
%%
Another megabytes bites the dust.
%%
Another message from Danny's demented and deluded mind.
%%
Another morn
Ris'n on mid-noon.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 310
%%
Another nearly-full box of Smarties.
%%
Another of his sayings was, that education was the best viaticum of old age.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
Another one bites the dust...
%%
Another person's secret is like another person's money:  you are not as
careful with it as you are with your own.
 -- E.W. Howe
%%
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but
television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom
and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that
offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.
 -- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
%%
Another proud wearer of white walk socks.
%%
Another Quality Anouncement from you friendly postie!
%%
Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.
%%
Another's sword has laid him low,
  Another's and another's;
And every hand that dealt the blow--
  Ah me! it was a brother's!
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- O'Connor's Child, Stanza 10
%%
Another time we were driving up the highway and saw a bindery named
Muscle Bound.  I said to my parents
  "Jeff thinks he's muscle-bound"
to which he replied
  "Muscle-bound?  I'm already there!"
%%
Another toy that helped destroy the elder race of man?
   ...forget about your silly whim; it doesn't fit the plan.
 -- Rush
%%
Another tumble! That 's his precious nose!
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Parental Ode to my Infant Son
%%
Another unsettling element in modern art is that common symptom of
immaturity, the dread of doing what has been done before.
 -- Edith Warton
%%
Another victim of Modem Addictus.
%%
Another victory like that and we are done for: Pyrrhus
%%
Another war...must it always be so?  How many comrades have we lost
  in this way?...  Obedience.  Duty.  Death, and more death...
 -- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror," stardate 1709.2.
%%
Another was, "Watch your opportunity."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pittacus, vii
%%
Another way to look at this is: if your computer is not capable of
 saturating *your* I/O bandwidth, you may be pissing away *your*
 wetware power. And last I checked, mine isn't increasing exponentially...
 -- Dan Mocsny (dmocsny@uceng.uc.edu)
%%
...Another writer again agreed with all my generalities, but said that as an
inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth.  Most notably I have
ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old.  Well, I
haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected it.
There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
prejudice and postjudice.  Prejudice is making a judgment before you have
looked at the facts.  Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards.  Prejudice
is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious
mistakes.  Postjudice is not terrible.  You can't be perfect of course; you
may make mistakes also.  But it is permissible to make a judgment after you
have examined the evidence.  In some circles it is even encouraged.
 -- Carl Sagan, The Burden of Skepticism, Skeptical Enquirer, Vol. 12, pg. 46
%%
Another, yet the same.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iii, Line 90
%%
A notorious whore named Ms. Hearst,
In the pleasures of men was well-versed.
 Reads the sign o'er the head
  Of her well-rumpled bed
"The customer always comes first."
%%
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
 -- Friedrich Engels
%%
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
 -- Booker
%%
An ounce of butter is worth a shilling of trombones.
%%
An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
%%
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.
 -- John Junor
%%
An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.
 -- Michael Korda
%%
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
 -- Peter's Placebo
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.
 -- Proverb
%%
An ounce of performance is worth more than a pound of preachment.
 -- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.
%%
An ounce of prevention is a 1/16 pound of prevention.
%%
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but management won't pay a
penny for it.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #5
%%
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge.
%%
An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of code.
 -- an anonymous programmer
%%
An ounce of security is worth a pound of defense.
%%
An ounce of sequins can be worth a pound of home cooking.
 -- Marilyn vos Savant
%%
An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit.
%%
An ounce of wit that is bought is worth a pound that is taught.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
A noun's a special kind of word.
It's ev'ry name you ever heard.
I find it quite interesting,
A noun's a person, place or thing.
%%
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than
 a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
 -- Mahatma Ghandi
%%
An outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Catechism
%%
A novel approach is to remove all power from the system, which removes
 most system overhead so that resources can be fully devoted to doing
 nothing. Benchmarks on this technique are promising; tremendous
 amounts of nothing can be produced in this manner. Certain hardware
 limitations can limit the speed of this method, especially in
 the larger systems which require a more involved & less efficient
 power-down sequence.
 An alternate approach is to pull the main breaker for the building,
 which seems to provide even more nothing, but in truth has bugs in it,
 since it usually inhibits the systems which keep the beer cool.
%%
An over the hill astronaut requests a slower capsule.
%%
A novice asked the Master: "Here is a programmer that never designs,
documents or tests his programs. Yet all who know him consider him
one of the best programmer in the world. Why is this?"

The Master replies: "That programmer has mastered the Tao. He has
gone beyond the need for design; he does not become angry when the
system crashes, but accepts the universe without concern. He has gone
beyond the need for documentation; he no longer cares if anyone else
sees his code. He has gone beyond the need for testing; each of his
programs are perfect within themselves, serene and elegant, their
purpose self-evident.  Truly, he has entered the mystery of Tao."
%%
A novice asked the master: "I have a program that sometime runs and
sometimes aborts. I have followed the rules of programming, yet I am
totally baffled. What is the reason for this?"

The master replied: "You are confused because you do not understand
Tao. Only a fool expects rational behavior from his fellow humans.
Why do you expect it from a machine that humans have constructed?
Computers simulate determinism; only Tao is prefect.

The rules of programming are transitory; only Tao is eternal.
Therefore you must contemplate Tao before you receive enlightenment."

"But how will I know when I have received enlightenment?" asked the
novice.

"Your program will then run correctly," replied the master.
%%
A novice asked the master: "What is the true meaning of programming?"

The master replied: "Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are fatigued,
program when the moment is right."
 -- The Zen of Programming
%%
  A novice was trying to fix a broken lisp machine by turning the
power off and on.  Knight, seeing what the student was doing spoke
sternly- "You can not fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no
understanding of what is going wrong."
  Knight turned the machine off and on.
  The machine worked.
 -- AI koan
%%
A novice went into the master's cubicle and saw a new computer sitting upon
the master's desk.
"What is that computer?" asked the novice.
The master placed his hand upon a small box that was connected to the computer
by a wire.  "Behold," said the master, "This device controls what we see on the
screen.  The screen simulates a desk.  For example, here is a filing cabinet
and a trash depository.  Here also is a typewriter and a calculator."
"This is a wonderful invention," whispered the novice in awe.
"It is not as wonderful as it seems," said the master. "Can you see the two
desks?"
The novice nodded.  "One is on the floor, the other is on the screen," he
remarked.
"Just so.  Now, is there something missing on one of the two desks?"
The novice pondered for a moment.  "One of the desks does not have a computer
on it," he said.
The master shook his head.  "Neither of the desks has a computer on it."
 -- The Zen of Programming
%%
An ow du I get dis gloo bottle out of my noz?
%%
An oyster is a fish built like a nut.
%%
An oyster may be crossed in love.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Ansi does it in the standard way.
%%
ANSI is a person who can't sit still.
%%
ANSI is banned at San Quentin; too many escape sequences!
%%
Ansi-Phreak Seal of Approval
%%
Answer a fool according to his folly.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvi, 5
%%
Answering machine message
 "Da, zis iz Ivan. If zis iz Boris, pleez leave ze zecret information at ze
 beep."
%%
Answering machine message: (In an operator-like voice)
 We're sorry, the number you have dialed, 123-4567, has been changed.
 The new number is 123-4567. Please hang up and try your call again.
%%
Answering machine message
 My answering machine now has the new AT&T incoming phone caller I.D. digital
 print-out. So leave a message or I'll know you hung up on my machine...
%%
Answering machine message
 "Thank you for calling the [insert city name here] Opera Auditioning
 Hotline! At the tone, sing one of your favorite pieces, and leave a short
 message containing your name and phone number."
%%
Answering machine message
 "Thank you for calling the Suicide Hotline! At the tone, your telephone
 handset will disintegrate, sending jagged shrapnel straight through your
 brain, killing you instantaneously. [dramatic pause] BEEEEP!"
%%
Answering machine message
 "Thank you for calling the United States War Department. At the tone, please
 leave your name, phone number, and a brief message with the name of the
 country you wish to invade.
%%
Answer is easier when the question is hypothetical.
%%
Answer just what your heart prompts you.
%%
Answer me in one word.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Answers price list:
Answers......................................... $1.00
Answers (requiring thought)..................... $2.00
Answers (correct)............................... $3.00
Dumb looks ..................................... FREE!
%%
Antagoras the poet was boiling a conger, and Antigonus, coming behind
him as he was stirring his skillet, said, "Do you think, Antagoras,
that Homer boiled congers when he wrote the deeds of Agamemnon?" Antagoras
replied, "Do you think, O king, that Agamemnon, when he did such exploits,
was a peeping in his army to see who boiled congers?"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Antigonus I
%%
ANT
  A small insect, about as big as an ant. Ants are known to inhabit
  anywhere there's food left lying around, especially foods
  containing sugar or other sweet substances. Consequently, ants
  suffer large amounts of tooth decay, since none of the major
  toothbrush manufacturers have seen fit to produce a toothbrush a
  suitable size for ants. Ants and grasshoppers have a life-long feud
  happening, after some fable encouraging long-term investment in the
  money market got written by a well known ant author. The easiest
  way to kill an ant is to step on it. [See also: Ant, Recursion,
  Dentistry, Grasshopper]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Ant Boy calmly prepares to execute his new friend ant-style...
by PINCHING OFF HIS HEAD!
 -- Ant Boy
%%
Antelope freeway--1/1024 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/128 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/16 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/256 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/2 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/32 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/4 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/512 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/64 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1/8 mile.
%%
Antelope freeway--1 mile.
%%
Antelope - Someone who is against all lopes.
%%
Antenna coupling: insect foreplay.
%%
Antenna farms benefit from propagation.
%%
Anthropologists do it with culture.
%%
Anticipated events never live up to expectations.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Anticipation of problems is half the battle. And the only way to
anticipate is to think.
%%
Anticipation: Waiting for Windows to load.
%%
Antidisestablishmentarianism!
%%
Anti-Gravity Device :
 David Almosder has seen the result of his 35
  years effort of building an anti-gravity device.
      Now he's planning on spending the next 35 years
       fingering out why the device doesn't work very well
   up side down.
%%
Anti-Mickeys of the world: Unite
%%
Anti-paranoia is that eerie feeling that nothing is
connected to anything else
%%
ANTIPATHY, n.  The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Antiphanes said merrily, that in a certain city the cold was so intense
that words were congealed as soon as spoken, but that after some time
they thawed and became audible; so that the words spoken in winter
were articulated next summer.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Man's Progress in Virtue
%%
Antique collectors do it for old times sake.
%%
ANTIQUE STRIPPER TO DISPLAY WARES AT STORE
%%
"Antiquitas saeculi juventus mundi." These times are the ancient times,
when the world is ancient, and not those which we account ancient
ordine retrogrado, by a computation backward from ourselves.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Advancement of Learning, Book i, (1605.)
%%
Anti-Sabbatical:
      A job taken with the sole intention of staying only for a
limited period of time (often one year). The intention is to raise
enough funds to partake in another, more personally meaningful
activity such as watercolor sketching in Crete or designing computer
knit sweaters in Hong Kong. Employers are rarely informed of
intentions.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Anti-Semites -- another name for "failures."
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Antisesquipedalial:
 Opposed to the use of large words.
%%
Antisthenes used to say that envious people were devoured by their
own disposition, just as iron is by rust.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Antisthenes, iv
%%
Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude
%%
Anti-Victim Device (AVD):
 A small fashion accessory worn on an otherwise conservative
outfit which announces to the world that one still has a spark of
individuality burning inside: 1940s retro ties and earrings (on men),
feminist buttons, noserings (women), and now almost completely extinct
teeny weeny rattail haircut (both sexes).
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Anti-woman, anti-gay, born again bigots go away!
%%
Antlers in the Tree Tops by Who Goosed the Moose
%%
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
%%
Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrassment.  They farm
fungi, raise aphids as livestock, launch armies into wars, use chemical
sprays to alarm and confuse enemies, capture slaves, engage in child
labor, exchange information ceaselessly.  They do everything but watch
television.
 -- Lewis Thomas
%%
Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is useful
 information if you're moving out and you need help getting a potato chip
 across town.
 -- Ron Darian
%%
Ants would starve in your house if ants would come into it.
%%
A nuclear power plant is infinitely safer than eating,
because 300 people choke to death on food every year.
 -- Dixy Lee Ray, 1977, quoted from "Loose Talk"
%%
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
%%
A nudist has no reason to fear a pickpocket.
%%
A nudist is just a person in a one-button suit.
%%
A nudist is one who suffers from clothostrophobia.
%%
A nudist wedding makes the best man easy to identify.
%%
An ugly carpet will last forever.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
An ulcer is what you get mountain-climbing over molehills.
%%
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
 -- Van Roy's Law
%%
An unconscious troll is sprawled on the floor.
All passages out of the room are open.
%%
An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
 -- Robert A. Humphrey
%%
An undertaker calls a son-in-law: "About your mother-in-law, should we
 embalm her, cremate her, or bury her?" He says, "Do all three. Don't take
 chances."
 -- Myron Cohen
%%
An undevout astronomer is mad.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night ix, Line 771
%%
An unemployed Court Jester is nobody's fool.
%%
An unexpectedly easy-to-handle sequence of events will be immediately
followed by an equally long sequence of trouble.
 -- Charles Phelps
%%
An unforgiving eye, and a damned disinheriting countenance.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- School for Scandal, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
An unfulfilled vocation drains the color from a man's entire
existence.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
An unhappy voter told the candidate, "I wouldn't vote for you if you were
 St. Peter himself." To which the candidate replied, "If I were St. Peter,
 you COULDN'T vote for me, since you would not be in my district."
%%
AN UNIMPEACHABLE SOURCE - The guy who started the rumor originally
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
An unlesson'd girl, unschool'd, unpractised;
Happy in this, she is not yet so old
But she may learn.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
An unreflected light did never yet
Dazzle the vision feminine.
 -- Sir Henry Taylor (1800-?)
 -- Philip Van Artevelde, Part i, Act i, Sc. 5
%%
An unsupervised teenager with a modem is as dangerous as an
 unsupervised teenager with a gun.
 -- Gail Thackeray, Arizona Ass. State Attorney
%%
An untimely grave.
 -- Thomas Carew (1589-1639)
 -- On the Duke of Buckingham
%%
An upright judge, a learned judge!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A nurse a day keeps the doctor away.
%%
Anus - Latin word denoting a period of time.
[The Latin word is "annus".
"anus" has in Latin the same meaning as in English - Antonio]
%%
Anuther grate mind ruened bi thu educashin sistym.
%%
"Anxiety and conscience are a powerful pair of
 dynamos.  Between them, they have ensured that one
 shall work hard, but they cannot ensure that one
 will work at anything worthwhile."
 -- Arnold Toynbee
%%
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged,
it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
 -- Arthur Somers Roche
%%
Anxiety is fear of one's self.
 -- Wilhelm Stekel
%%
Anxiety is interest paid on trouble before it is due.
 -- Dean Inge
%%
Anxiety is nature's way of getting you out of bed on time.
%%
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
Anxiety, n.:
  The first time you can't do it a second time.

Panic, n.:
   The second time you can't do it the first time.
%%
An xplaination...
%%
An XT clone in a Pentium zone.
%%
Any active moves you make tomorrow will backfire, so stay home.
%%
Any American can become President. Clinton proved that.
%%
Any appeasement of tyranny is treason to this republic and to the
democratic ideal.
 -- William Allen White
%%
Any argument carried far enought will end up in semantics.
 -- Hartz' Law of Rhetoric
%%
Any arguments worth making within the bureaucracy must be
capable of being expressed in a simple declarative sentence
that is obviously true once stated.
 -- McNaughton's Rule
%%
Anybody abuse rental cars? If I'm really bored I'll take one to Earl Scheib
 and have it painted for $29.95. This really messes up their paperwork for
 months and months. The thing that bothers me is when you have to return one
 with a full tank of gas. It makes everybody mad. They say bring it back
 full. You know what I do now? I just top it off with a garden hose.
 -- Wil Shriner
%%
Anybody can become angry -- that is easy; but to be angry with the right
person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the
right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not within everybody's
power and is not easy.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Anybody can make a fortune. It takes genius to hold on to one.
 -- Jay Gould
%%
Anybody can say they'll do something, few actualize it.
%%
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
 -- George Ada (1866-1944)
%%
Anybody got a cigarette? Thanks very much, sir--I left mine in the machine.
 -- London Lee
%%
Anybody got a cure for a serious
case of Senioritis??
%%
Anybody got a magnet?
%%
Anybody got any itch cream?
%%
Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No
citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining the government.
%%
Anybody heard of a meme???
%%
Anybody in the audience with a New York license plate BL 758367458959473
 62847456578392610284 will you kindly move it. Your license plate is
 blocking traffic.
 -- Bill Dana
%%
Anybody know some good Mark jokes?
%%
Any body of men who believe in hell will persecute whenever they have
the power.
 -- Joseph M. McCabe (1867-1957)
%%
Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.
 -- 7th Doctor, GREATEST SHOW IN THE GALAXY
%%
Any body seen my Serial number....?   I lost it...
%%
Any body seen my tagline...?  I lost it...
%%
Any body want to buy a used car?  hehehehe
%%
Anybody want to buy a used cold?
%%
Anybody who acts normal nowadays, they're probably just not well. I'm
 telling you, I just don't understand. If I go too fast, I'll run into
 something. If I go too slow, something'll run into me.
 -- Moms Mabley
%%
Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is probably
parked.
%%
Anybody who'd run a COMM program is a COMMIE.
%%
Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the
 program!
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness
of a plumber never got a bill from one.
%%
Anybody who wants religion is welcome to it, as far as I'm concerned -- I
support your right to enjoy it.  However, I would appreciate it if you
exhibited more respect for the rights of those people who do not wish to
share your dogma, rapture or necrodestination.
 -- Frank Zappa, "The Real Frank Zappa Book"
%%
Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years
 organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
 -- David Broder
%%
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared
 brain dead.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
%%
Any bureaucracy reorganised to enhance efficiency
is immediately indistinguishable from its predecessor.
 -- Soper's Law
%%
Any burocracy that operates in secrecy inevitably lends itself to
 corruption.
 -- Major Briggs, from Twin Peaks
%%
Any business arrangement that is not profitable to the other person
will in the end prove unprofitable for you.  The bargain that yields
mutual satisfaction is the only one that is apt to be repeated.
 -- B. C. Forbes
%%
Any bus that can be the wrong bus will be the wrong bus. All others
are out of service or full.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
Any certainty is a delusion.
%%
Any change or reform you make
is going to have consequences you don't like.
 -- Udall's Fourth Law
%%
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete,
two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under
development.
%%
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an Art.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

[Having the facts is hard.]
%%
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
 -- Steve Connelly
%%
Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more
months, might as well have been written by someone else.  (Eagleson is
an optimist, the real number is more like three weeks.)
 -- Eagleson's Law
%%
Any college that would take your son he should be too proud to go to.
                 - Erma Bombeck

 The best sex education for kids is when Daddy pats Mommy on the fanny when
 he comes home from work.
 -- Dr. William H. Masters
%%
Any comments I may make are not necessarily those of my employer.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Any comments or statements made are not necessarily those of my
Corporation, its subsidiaries or affiliates.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Any comments, suggestions, or howls of pain?
%%
Any corporation with a minimum one thousand (1,000) work force becomes
 an autonomous entity, in which enough administrative paperwork is generated
 to make external contacts superfluous.
 -- Parkinson's Law (also known as Thousand Principle)
%%
Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't.
 -- Murray's Rule
%%
Any coward can fight a battle when he is sure of winning; but give me
the man who has pluck to fight when he's sure of losing.  That's my way,
sir; and there are many victories worse than a defeat.
 -- George Eliot
%%
Any coward can sit in his home and criticize a pilot for flying into a
mountain in a fog.  But I would rather, by far, die on a mountainside
than in bed.  What kind of man would live where there is no daring?
And is life so dear that we should blame men for dying in adventure?
Is there a better way to die?
 -- Charles Lindbergh
%%
Any day can be the beginning of a new year.
%%
Any disclaimer issued by me is subject to change without notice.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Any discovery is more likely to be exploited by the wicked than applied
by the virtuous.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Any dish that tastes good with capers in it tastes even better with capers
 not in it.
 -- Nora Ephron
%%
Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a
representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a
representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by anyone
capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously.
 -- Richard Schickel
%%
Any effort that has self-glorification as its final endpoint is bound
to end in disaster.
 -- Robert M. Pirsig
%%
Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses liquor in any form, or
frequents pool and public halls, or gets shaved in a barber shop, will give me
good reasons to suspect his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.
 -- The RPCISPE's Second Universal Law
%%
Any errors in spelling, tact or fact are transmission errors.
%%
Any escape might help to smooth the unatractive truth, but the suburbs have
 no charms to soothe the restless dreams of youth.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
Any event, once it has occurred,
can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
 -- Lee Simonson
%%
Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse
%%
Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
 -- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Any expressed opinions are mine; but feel free to share.
I disclaim all responsibilities, all shapes, all sizes, all colors.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Any fact is better established by two or three good testimonies than by
a thousand arguments.
 -- Nathaniel Emmons
%%
Any facts which, when included in the argument, give the
desired result, are fair facts for the argument.
 -- Fairfax's Law
%%
Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that
this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a
whole week.
%%
Any fool can count the seeds in an apple.  Only God can count all the
apples in one seed.
%%
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
 -- Dale Carnegie
%%
Any fool can moderate, and many of them do.
%%
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.
%%
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of some sense to
know how to lie well.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902), "Notebooks" 1912
%%
Any fully matured science of ecology will have to grapple with the fact that
 from the ecological point of view, man is one of those animals which is in
 danger from its too successful participation in the struggle for existence.
 -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
Any general system law will have at least two particular applications.
 -- The Law of Happy Particularities
 -- Gerald Weinberg
%%
Any general system law will have at
least two peculiar exceptions.
 -- The Law of Unhappy Peculiarities
 -- Gerald Weinberg
%%
Any girl can be glamorous.  All you have to do is stand still and
look stupid.
 -- Hedy Lamarr
%%
"Any girl that looks that innocent just got to be called Lucille!"
 -- George Kennedy in Cool Hand Luke, as recalled by Paul Piana
 -- after last call on 25 cent beer night in The Operating Room.
%%
Any girl who believes that the way to a man's heart is
through his stomach is obviously setting her standards too high.
%%
Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
 -- The Second Law of Computer Programming
%%
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
 -- The First Law of Computer Programming
%%
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
 -- The Fifth Law of Computer Programming
%%
Any give program, when running, needs debugging.  Any debugged program
is obsolete.
%%
Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and
coordinate. This does not insure "good" government; it simply insures
that it will work. But such governments are rare--most people want to
run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be called the
"backseat-driver syndrome."
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche.
 A cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea.  For instance,
 my grandmother used to say, 'The black cat is always the last one off
 the fence.'  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was
 undoubtedly true.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Any great work of art . . . revives and readapts time and space, and
the measure of its success is the extent to which it makes you an
inhabitant of that world -- the extent to which it invites you in
and lets you breathe its strange, special air.
 -- Leonard Bernstein
%%
Any hack can safely rail away at foreign powers beyond the sea; but a good
writer is a critic of the society he lives in.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Any idiot can face a crisis.
 It's this day-to-day living that wears you out.
 -- Anton Cechov
%%
Any illusion requires both time and space to be experienced.
%%
    Any impatient student of mathematics or science or
engineering who is irked by having algebraic symbolism thrust
upon him should try to get along without it for a week.
 -- Eric Temple Bell
%%
Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion if it did
occur, will occur.
 -- H. S. Kindler
%%
Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration,
may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner
for reasons that are either totally obscure or completely mysterious.
 -- Dr. Fyodor Flap
%%
Any intelligent consumer knows what a warranty means.  It means that whatever
happens isn't covered.
%%
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more
 violent.  It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move
 in the opposite direction.
 -- E. F. Schumacher
%%
Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.
 -- Fahnstock's Third Law of Debate
%%
Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one.
 -- Sam Rayburn
%%
Any job worth doing is worth complaining about.
%%
Any key pressed.
 -- WinError #8
%%
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
 -- Red Skelton
%%
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one!
 -- Gerald R. Massie, U.S. Army Air Forces photographer.
 -- Written in 1944 after the crash-landing of his B-17.
%%
Any large system is going to be operating most of the time in failure mode.
 -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Any life, no matter how long and complex it may be, is made up of a single
moment- the moment in which a man finds out, once and for all, who he is.
 -- Jorge Luis Borges
%%
Any line, however short, is still too long.
 -- Sam's Axiom (1)
%%
Any man can prove he has good judgment by saying you have.
%%
Any man can work when every stroke of his hand brings down the fruit
rattling from the tree to the ground; but to labor in season and out
of season, under every discouragement, by the power of truth -- that
requires a heroism which is transcendent.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder.  But not any man is
 capable of being a good camper.  So, murder and camping are not as similar as
 you might think.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Any man that can write, may answer a letter.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to
see them misunderstood.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
 -- Leo Rosten [on W. C. Fields]
%%
Any man who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man
who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.
 -- J. Robert Oppenheimer, speaking of Albert Einstein
%%
Any map or chart on which the town of Lima, Ohio, is not
prominently figured is banned from sale in that town.
%%
Any medium powerful enough to extend man's reach is powerful enough to topple
 his world.   To get the medium's magic to work for one's aims rather than
 against them is to attain literacy.
 -- Alan Kay, Computer Software, Scientific American, September 1984
%%
Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a
fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a
cat.
 -- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
%%
Any mental functions attempted in this area must be re-
evaluated during a subsequent period. It has been discovered
that standard logic works sideways in this area due to the
influence of the occupant.
%%
Any mind that is capable of a real sorrow is capable of good.
%%
Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.
 -- Robbin's Minimax Rule of Government
%%
Any Moderators here? <> Any more?
%%
Any more and it would be illegal!
%%
Any more of this and I'll die of a stroke before I'm 30.
%%
Any more than three shakes is fun.
%%
Any movement in history which attempts to perpetuate itself, becomes
reactionary.
 -- Josef Broz Tito (1892-1980)
%%
A nymph hits you and steals your virginity.
%%
Any new form is always longer and more complicated than the one it replaces.
 -- Hanson's Law on Progress
%%
Any nitwit can understand computers.  Many do.
 -- Ted Nelson
%%
Any nose
May ravage with impunity a rose.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Sordello, Book vi
%%
Any offense taken is *only* in the mind of the offended.  ;-)
%%
Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of
 course, living in a state of sin.
 -- John Von Neumann
%%
Anyone can act,
   But turn out the lights and
   ain't no one gonna see ya
   do it ;-)
%%
Anyone can ba a barbarian; it requires a terrible effort to remain a
civilized man.
 -- Leonard Sidney Woolf
%%
Anyone can be a navigator if he can tell his arse from his elbow!
Well, that's Baldrick out, I fear...
We're always looking for talented types to join the twenty-minuters!
...and there goes George...
 -- Flasheart and Edmund : Private Plane
%%
Anyone can be great with money. With money, greatness is not a talent
but an obligation. The trick is to be great without money.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
Any one can be unhappy, but it takes extra effort and learning to
make oneself unhappy.
 -- Watzliawick, 'The Situation is Hopeless, but not Serious' 1966.
%%
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
Anyone can grab a Tiger by the balls,
but it takes a real man to squeeze!
 -- Anonymous
%%
Anyone can hate. It costs to love.
 -- John Williamson
%%
Any one can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 358
%%
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with none.
%%
Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.
 -- Cicero
%%
Anyone can suck a toothpick!!
%%
Anyone can walk on water, just know where the rocks are.
%%
Anyone can write on the walls but it takes inventiveness to skywrite with
 an air hose.
%%
Anyone could do it with manuals...
%%
Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with
the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or
one of the people.
 -- Jean de la Fontaine
%%
Anyone ever tell you that you look a little like Danny?
%%
Anyone got a good TAGLINE for me ?
%%
Anyone got pun Taglines?
%%
Anyone have a coat hanger? My brain itches.
%%
Anyone looking for Q, or Star Trek taglines?
%%
Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor
doubtless deserves the error that provoked it.
 -- Alvin Toffler
%%
Anyone noticed how Spock is beginning to act like Sybok?
%%
Anyone South of the border are Mexicans.
%%
Any one thing in the creation is sufficient to demonstrate a Providence
to an humble and grateful mind.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Chap. xvi
%%
Anyone trying to split hairs will always find someone who has a sharper knife.
 -- Jim Hurley (jimh@ultra.com) 21 Sep 90
%%
Anyone want a burger? It has cheese on both sides!
%%
Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite
world is either a madman or an economist.
 -- Kenneth Boulding
%%
Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in
 actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by
 proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting."
 -- Allan Sherman
%%
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.  At best he
is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not
make messes in the house.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
 -- Al Capp, in "Esquire", 1970
%%
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat."
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Anyone who disagrees is a Fascist.
 -- Liberal Rule # 4
%%
Anyone who disagrees is unAmerican.
 -- Conservative Rule #2
%%
Anyone who doesn't believe as you do is a bigot.
 -- Liberal Rule #15
%%
Anyone who doesn't believe as you do is a fascist.
 -- Liberal Rule #16
%%
Anyone who doesn't believe as you do is an idiot.
 -- Liberal Rule #17
%%
Anyone who doesn't believe as you do is intolerant.
 -- Liberal Rule #14
%%
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in jeopardy.
 -- John Dewey
%%
Anyone who has ever raised rabbits will appreciate the humor/dilemma implied:

Q. how many rabbits does it take to fill a Volkswagon?

A. two.
%%
Anyone who has got a book collection/library and a garden
wants for nothing.
 -- Cicero
%%
Anyone who has had a bull by the tail
knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time
as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes.
 -- Philippus Paracelsus
%%
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account
be allowed to do the job.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep
 away from horses.
 -- Duke of Edinburgh
%%
Anyone who isn't confused doesn't really know what's going on.
 -- Edward R. Murrow
%%
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.
 -- Edward R. Murrow
%%
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
 -- Berra's Second Law
%%
Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes
are impossible without the feminine ferment.  Social progress can
be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex (the ugly
ones included).
 -- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one
particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination.
 -- Lionel Stander
%%
Anyone who makes a blanket statement is a fool.
%%
Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
%%
Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
endeavour, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
obstruction to its progress - in direct proportion to the
importance of his original contribution.
 -- Jones' First Law
%%
Anyone who remembers the 60's...wasn't there.
%%
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.
 -- Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom
%%
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether twenty or eighty.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
Anyone who thinks Japan is going to export democracy to China must be
 smoking pot.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
Anyone who tries to `enlighten' you is probably selling something.
 -- Jen Howard.
%%
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby"
 has never tried taking candy from a baby.
 -- Robin Hood
%%
Anyone who volunteers to meet you half way in a discussion or any form of
 disagreement also believes that they are currently standing right on the
 dividing line.
%%
Anyone who wants to be paid for writing software is a fascist asshole.
 -- Richard M. Stallman
%%
Anyone who wants to can call themselves a pervert or a queer,
but slut is a compliment you have to earn.
%%
Anyone who wears a coat and tie on their day off, unless that person is
 going to or coming from a funeral home, is certainly not above suspicion.
%%
Anyone with a clear conscience has a foggy memory.
%%
"Anyone with an active mind lives on tentatives
 rather than tenets."
 -- Robert Frost
%%
"Anyone without 2,000,000 sunblock is gonna have a really bad day!"
 -- Sarah Connor
%%
Any opinion expressed is mine, no matter where I got it from, and I retain
 all rights to it, should it actually prove to be of any value.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Any opinions are mine, not any other physical, legal, conceptual
or spiritual entity's.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Any opposing views may simply go to hell.
%%
Any ordinarily easy task can be rendered far more difficult with research.
%%
Any ordinary city is in fact two cities, one the city of the poor, the
other of the rich, each at war with the other; and in either division
there are smaller ones -- you would make a great mistake if you treated
them as single states.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic"
%%
Any ordinary man can surround himself with two thousand books and thenceforth
have at least one place in the world in which it is possible to be happy.
 -- Augustine Birrell
%%
An you had any eye behind you, you might see more detraction at your
heels than fortunes before you.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
Any party which takes credit for the rain
must not be surprised if its opponents blame it for the draught.
 -- Dwight W. Morrow (1873-1931)
%%
Any person under the age of thirty, who, having any knowledge of the
existing social order, is not a revolutionist, is an inferior.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit
him is a Communist.
 -- Alvin Dark
%%
Any plumbing pipes you choose to replace during renovation will prove to be
in excellent condition; those you decide to leave in place will be rotten.
 -- Lew Phelps
%%
Any point of sail is a beat if you're going fast enough.
%%
Any policy leading to portfolio turnover is like one leading to war or
 litigation: it's self-destructive, enriches the wrong people, and cancels
 out in the end.
 -- John Train
%%
Any pre-cut equipment is too short. This is specially true of optic fiber
 cables with expensive connectors at both ends.
 -- Vuilleumier's First Law
%%
Any president should have the right to shoot
at least two people a year without explanation.
 -- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964) [discussing the press]
%%
Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Any problem in your home can be fixed, except that leaking faucet.
%%
Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.
 -- Meissner's Law
%%
Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
%%
Any program that calls itself an OS (e.g. "MSDOS") isn't one.
 -- Geoff Collyer
%%
Any questions?  Call the Partnership for a Democrat Free America.
%%
"Any Questions? [pause] You all look asleep - what is it,
 hyperglucocemia? Too much sugar on your cornflakes? Not any
 cornflakes? Never mind - I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed, so let's
 continue."
%%
Any race that doesn't use all its potential will always stop short
of its possibilities.
 -- Jose Torres
%%
Any reform must be accounted a success which does not
have an effect exactly the opposite of that intended.
%%
Any relationship between AT&T and science fiction is purely coincidental
as is any relationship between my views and theirs.
%%
Any religion that rejects coffee worships a false god.
%%
Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and
take three times as long as originally estimated.
 -- Lew Phelps
%%
Any resemblance between the above views and those of my
employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely
coincidental.  Any resemblance between the above and my own views is
non-deterministic.  The question of the existence of views in the
absence of anyone to hold them is left as an exercise for the reader.
The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for
the second god coefficient.  (A discussion of non-orthogonal,
non-integral polytheism is beyond the scope of this article.)
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is
  preposterous.  He or she is like a person who has put on full armor
  and attacked a hot fudge sundae.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut
%%
Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere.  Climb the
mountain just a little to test it's a mountain.  From the top of
the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.
 -- Bene Gesserit proverb
%%
Any ship can be a minesweeper...once.
%%
Any shower that keeps the kids inside for a full weekend can be called a
 rain of terror.
%%
Any shrine is better than self-worship.
%%
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
 -- Malek's Law
%%
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if
enough meetings are held to discuss it.
 -- Mitchell's Law of Committees
%%
Any single standard will split into at least two semi-compatible standards
within the cycle time of the fastest
existing computer.
%%
Any slogan simple enough to fit on a button is too
simple to do any good.
%%
Any slower and he'd be in reverse.
 -- Gignac
%%
Any small object that is accidentally dropped
will hide under a larger object.
%%
Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Any socialism involves more slavery than democracy.
%%
Any soldier worth his salt should be antiwar. And still there are
things worth fighting for.
 -- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf
%%
Any sort of violence done from hate of something or someone will only have
detrimental effects - on you!
 -- Xavier R. Quinton
%%
Any statistic that can be found which is interesting can be credited to the
 fact that this particular statistic is a mistake. If it is not a mistake,
 it is a misprint, and if it is not a misprint, it is unlawful release of
 classified information.
%%
Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient
 to exactly the point of most pressure.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
Any subject can be made interesting, and therefore any subject can be
made boring.
 -- Hilaire Belloc
%%
Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
%%
Any sufficiently advanced feature is indistinguishable from a bug.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
 -- Rich Kulawiec
%%
Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
 -- Niven's Law
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
 -- Andy Finkel
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke (1917-)
 -- Profiles of the Future (1962; rev. 1973)
 -- "Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination"
 -- Clarke's Third Law
%%
Any sufficiently high technology is indistinguishable
from doubletalk.
%%
Any sufficiently low technology is indistinguishable
from hard work.
%%
Any Sysops here?  <<>>  Any more?
%%
Any system must be designed to withstand the worst possible set of
circumstances.
 -- Sodd's Second Law, Corollary 1
%%
Any system supplied by three or more vendors will not work.
%%
Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.
 -- Nogg's Postulate
%%
Any system which cannot be well taught to a layman in *ten minutes*,
by a tutor in the presence of a responding setup, is too complicated
 -- Ted Nelson
%%
Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently
estimated.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
 -- Grossman's Dilemma
%%
Any team can win if they are better.
%%
Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and
money.
 -- Lerman's Law of Technology
You are never given enough money.
 -- Lerman's Corollary
%%
Any technology distinguishable from magic is
insufficiently advanced.
%%
Any theorem in mathematical analysis can be fitted onto an arbitrarily small
piece of paper if you are sufficiently obscure.
%%
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional
assumptions.
 -- Robert E. Schenk
%%
Anything anybody can say about America is true.
 -- Emmett Grogan
%%
Anything but history, for history must be false.
 -- Sir Robert Walpole (1676-1745)
 -- Walpoliana, No. 141
%%
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
 -- Wyszkowski's Second Law
%%
Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator.
 -- Claude Shouse (shouse@macomw.ARPA)

Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist.
 -- Joseph C. Wang (joe@athena.mit.edu)
%%
Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
 -- Flucard's Corollary
%%
"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?"
"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."
"That was the curious incident."
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "Silver Blaze"
%%
Anything for a quiet life.
 -- Title of a play by Middleton
%%
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
%%
Anything goes (well, sorta).
%%
 Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
 -- Pardo's First Postulate
 Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
 -- Arnold's Addendum
%%
Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
 -- Robert A. Jackson
%%
Anything I do is purely coincidental.
%%
Anything I make can become a cause for my sorrow.
%%
Anything in parentheses can be ignored.
 -- Seeger's Law
%%
Anything is art if the artist says it is.
 -- Marcel Duchamp, Dadas on Art
%%
Anything is better than Julius.  I think that is why Ceasar got
assassinated. I took the name of Groucho because I always look solemn, I
guess.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.
 -- Washlesky's Law
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
 -- Rucnicki's Rule
%%
Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough.
 -- Mrs. Weiler's Law
%%
Anything is impossible, if you don't attempt it.
%%
Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
 -- Green's Law of Debate
%%
Anything is possible in NetHack, unless it's not.
%%
Anything is possible, unless it's not.
%%
Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially
scared me to death.
 -- Betty Bender
%%
Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't. The label means
 the price went up. The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW"
 means the price went way up.
 -- Hershiser's Rules
%%
Anything left over today will be needed tomorrow to pay an unexpected bill.
 -- Betty Canary
%%
Anything may be divided into as many parts as you please.
    Commentary:
In this case, 'everything' may be viewed as a subset of
'anything.'
 -- Law of Arbitrary Distiction
%%
Anything NEW and/or IMPROVED, isn't.
 -- HERSHISER'S FIRST RULE
%%
Anything, no matter how bad, will sound good if played back at very
high level for a short time.
 -- John Culshaw
%%
Anything not a constant, is not a commandment from God.
%%
Anything not nailed down is a baby's toy.
%%
Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well.  Think about it.
 -- Elias Schwartz
%%
Anything once assembled, will fall apart.
%%
Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.
%%
Anything over a handful is for the other hand.
%%
Anything preying on Danny's mind would starve to death.
%%
Anything scarce is valuable: praise, for example!
%%
Anything simple is stated in the most complicated manner.
%%
Anything's possible, but only a few things actually happen.
%%
Anything sufficiently bizzarre is indistinguishable from the truth.
 -- Steve Gardner
%%
Anything that begins well, ends badly; Anything that begins badly, ends worse.
 -- Pudder's Law
%%
Anything that begins well will end badly.
(Note: The converse of Pudder's law is not true.)
 -- Pudder's Law
%%
Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is
no time left to change anything.
 -- First Law of Corporate Planning
%%
Anything that can be improved, is not yet finished.
%%
         Anything that can go wr
 fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
 -- 43rd Law of Computing
%%
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong,
and at the worst possible time.
 -- Murphy's Third Law
%%
Anything that can happen will happen,
unless your test plan provides for it to happen.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #3
%%
Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.
%%
Anything that doesn't kill me makes me stranger.
%%
Anything that gets you free money is illegal.
%%
Anything that happens enough times to irritate you will happen at least
once more.
%%
Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
%%
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
 -- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
Anything that kills you makes you...well, dead.
%%
Anything that possibly can go wrong, *^%(@#*% NO CARRIER
%%
Anything that satisfies its external specifications, no matter how
inefficient it is, is a success; don't argue with it.
%%
Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Anything U can conceive and believe U can achieve.
%%
Anything will burn with enough gasoline and dynamite.
%%
Anything works better on a pentium....try it, buy it!
%%
Anything worth doing is worth delegating.
%%
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. You can do better the next time.
%%
Anything worth doing well is worth doing slowly.
 -- Gypsy Rose Lee
%%
Anything you can do I can do better; anything I can do YOU can do better;
anything I can do I can do better; anything IBM does will cost more money.
%%
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #15
%%
Anything you don't understand is dangerous until you do
understand it...
%%
Anything you're good at contributes to happiness.
 Bertrand Russel, mathematician and philosopher
%%
Anything you say, Baby.
%%
Anything you say, man...
%%
Anything you say will be distorted and remixed and used against you.
%%
Anything you still can't cope with is your own problem.
 -- Becki Tants
%%
 Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 22
%%
Anythin's better than your yammerin'.
 -- Hawke, DELTA AND THE BANNERMEN
%%
Any time an agency hires a person to resolve complaints, that person will
 have no power whatsoever to deal with the nature of your problem with the
 agency in question.
%%
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank
 robbery has just taken place.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck,
 and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS
 that thing?!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Any time that is not spent on love is wasted.
%%
Any time there's something so ridiculous (...) that no rational systems
programmer would even consider trying it, they send for me.
 -- Paraphrased from "King of the Murgos" by David Eddings
%%
   Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of
   faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.
 -- Bye`s First Law of Model Railroading
%%
 Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath
 to the exact centre.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 27
%%
Any tool escaping manipulator's hands will not necessarily follow Earth's
 gravitational field, but will land in the most unreachable location in
 the prototype, smashing on its way the most expensive component of the
 prototype.
 This will know only one exception if the tool is particularly heavy, in
 which case it will land on the manipulator's foot.
 -- Vuilleumier's Third Law (also known as Selective Gravitational Field)
%%
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner.
 -- Anthony's Law of the Workshop
On its way to the corner, any dropped tool will always first strike your toes.
 -- The Corollary to Anthony's Law of the Workshop
Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
 -- Flucard's Corollary
%%
"Any trouble, boy?"
"No, old man.  Thought I was having trouble with my adding.
'T's all right now."
 -- For A Few Dollars More
%%
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%%
Any typographical error will occur in the place in which it will
do the most damage.
%%
Any unexpected gift of money is immediately equalled
in amount by an unexpected expense.
 -- The Windfall Theorem
%%
Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner
 Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No
 Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will
 Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
 -- PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW
%%
Any vacuum cleaner would sooner take the nap off a rug than remove
white threads from a dark rug.
%%
Any valuable information above is credited to the OIS
department of my university.  Any nonsense is mine.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this
big field of rye and all.  Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around --
nobody big, I mean -- except me.  And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy
cliff.     What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go
over the cliff -- I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're
going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them.  That's all I'd do
all day.  I'd just be the catcher in the rye.  I know it;  I know it's crazy,
but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.  I know it's crazy.
 -- J. D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye"
%%
    Anyway: I'm not blessed or merciful.  I'm just me.  I've
got a job to do and I do it.  Listen: even as we're talking,
I'm there for old and young, innocent and guilty, those who
die together and those who die alone.  I'm in cars and boats
and planes, in hospitals and forests and abattoirs.  For some
folks death is a release and for others death is an
abomination, a terrible thing.  But in the end, I'm there for
all of them.
 -- Neil Gaiman
 -- The Sandman #20: Facade
%%
Anywhere, anytime, I'd sacrifice the finest nuance for a laugh, the most
elegant trope for a smile.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Anywhere's a better place to be...
%%
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
 -- Klipstein's Fourth Law of Applied Engineering
%%
Any woman is a volume if one knows how to read her.
%%
Any woman that you become extremely attracted to will tell you that you are
the best friend that a woman could ever have.
%%
Any young man with good health and a poor appetite can save up money.
 -- J. M. Baily
%%
AOI: Annoy Operator Immediate
%%
A Old Timer remembers when: a baby was an addition and not a deduction.
%%
A Old Timer remembers when: baby sitters were called mothers.
%%
A one-bit brain with a parity error.
%%
A one by one matrix has one column and one row, and the same number
 in both.
%%
A one-eyed man is able to see,
A lame man is able to tread.
He treads on the tail of the tiger.
The tiger bites the man.
Misfortune.
Thus does a warrior act on behalf of his great prince.
%%
A one-eyed man who is able to see.
The perseverance of a solitary man furthers.
%%
A one track mind often has a derailed train of thought.
%%
AOS (aus (East coast) ay-ahs (West coast)) [based on a PDP-10
increment instruction] v. To increase the amount of something.
"Aos the campfire."  Usage: considered silly.
%%
A "pacifist" is a contradiction in terms. Most self-described pacifists
are not pacific; they simply assume false colors. When the wind changes
they hoist the Jolly Roger.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
A "pacifist male" is a contradiction in terms.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
A pacifist who calls the police isn't one; hired violence is still violence.
 -- Clayton E. Cramer optilink!cramer
%%
A pack of wild weasels ripped into my flesh.
%%
A page of history is worth a volume of logic.
%%
A pair of bright eyes with a dozen glances suffice to subdue a man; to enslave
him, and inflame; to make him even forget; they dazzle him so, that the past
becomes straightway dim to him; and he so prizes them, that he would give all
his life to possess them. What is the fond love of dearest friends compared to
treasure? Is memory as strong as expectancy, fruition as hunger, gratitude as
desire?
 -- Thackeray
%%
A pale little ghost appears, but he's run out of treasures.
He soon fades away.
%%
A pale little ghost appears in wireframe glasses and zits.
He drops something, and then vanishes into the gloom.
%%
A pampered menial drove me from the door.
 -- Thomas Moss (1740-1808)
 -- The Beggar
%%
A pane short of a window.
%%
A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
%%
A parade should have bands or horse, but not both.
 -- Nancy M. Wells
%%
A paradox is what parents tell their children. When a kid tells it to their
 parents, it is more often called a lie.
%%
A Paradox May be Paradoctored.
%%
A paradox may be para-doctored.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
 -- William Burroughs
%%
A parlous boy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
A parrot is an animal with the ability to imitate man but not enough
intelligence to refrain from doing so.
%%
A part time employee noted that his pay check was five dollars short of
 what it should be and went in and registered a loud, long and windy protest
 to the payroll office. "Well," said the payroll officer, "you didn't come
 in last week when we overpaid you five dollars, with any complaint!"
 "Naturally," said the employee, "a mistake once made is a mistake, but when
 you do the thing twice, then it is time to register a complaint!"
%%
A passage enters from the south.
%%
A patent application will be preceded by one week by a similar application
made by an independent worker.
%%
Apathetic Surf Club:  We don't surf, and we don't care.
%%
Apathists of the world ..... ahh, forget it!
%%
A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.
%%
Apathy can only be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only
be aroused by two things; first, an ideal which takes the imagination by
storm, and second, a definite plan for carrying that ideal into practice.
 -- Arnold Toynbee
%%
Apathy error: Don't bother striking any key.
%%
Apathy error: Strike any key, or none. Who cares!
%%
Apathy is a problem, but who cares?
%%
Apathy is a sort of living oblivion.
 -- Horace Greeley (1811-1872)
%%
Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
%%
Apathy: never mind over don't matter.
%%
APATHY RULES!   ( but who cares? )
%%
Apathy Society cancelled due to no-shows.
%%
Apathy -      Who gives a f%*k anyway?
 -- The everyday versatility of the "F" word
%%
A patient named Tarzan was always negative, always gripping, carping and
 sometimes even whining about something. The man was never satisfied.
 Finally, he went to a psychologist who listened until he could take no
 more, since it was so constant, so negative. The therapist came home and
 said to his wife that one of his patients almost sings; "The Tarzen Gripes
 Forever!" (Chucky little bit of humor, if that much, right?)
%%
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
 -- Wilcox's law
%%
A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A PC is for manipulation of data, not the manipulation of thought.
%%
A PC takes guesswork out of it. So does a bikini.
%%
A peace above all earthly dignities,
A still and quiet conscience.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
A "peace-loving nation" is one which bans fireworks and manufactures hydrogen
bombs.
%%
A peasant always hangs himself in his landlord's doorway.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
A pederastic necrophiliac is a gentleman who is
true to the very end of the end of a friend.
%%
A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
 -- Gloria Steinem
%%
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the place.  I had to swerve a number of times before
I hit him.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form
%%
A pedestrian is a man who has two cars, a wife, and one or more
teenage children.
%%
A pencil sharpener for my ears! Thanx, Jim
 -- Spock at Xmas
%%
A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
%%
A pen is mightier than a sword except it runs out of ink.
%%
A penniless lass wi' a lang pedigree.
 -- Lady Nairne (1766-1845)
 -- The Laird o' Cockpen
%%
A penny dropped off the Eiffel Tower or the Empire State Building
could kill whomever it hits. 
%%
A Penny earned is a Penny owed (Probably to Uncle Sam).
%%
A penny earned is Cheap labor..
%%
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act them out.
%%
"A penny for your thoughts?"
"A dollar for your death."
 -- The Odd Couple
%%
A penny for your thoughts.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Introduction to Polite Conversation
%%
A penny saved has not been spent.
%%
A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy
%%
A penny saved is a Congressional error.
%%
A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.
%%
A penny saved is a girl lost.
%%
A penny saved is a Governmental oversight.
%%
A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.
%%
A penny saved is a penny.
%%
A penny saved is a penny earned. The rest is the IRS's.
%%
A penny saved is a penny stashed away.
%%
A penny saved is a penny taxed.
%%
A penny saved is a penny to squander.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A penny saved is not worth very much.
%%
A penny saved is one cent.
%%
A penny saved is ridiculous!
%%
A penny saved is worthless.
%%
A penny will hide the biggest star in the Universe if you hold it
close enough to your eye.
 -- Samuel Grafton
%%
A peny for your thought.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. iv
%%
A people is but the attempt of many
To rise to the completer life of one;
And those who live as models for the mass
Are singly of more value than they all.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Luria, Act, v
%%
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
A people who are still, as it were, but in the gristle, and not yet
hardened into the bone of manhood.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 117
%%
A people who expect to be ignorant and free expect what never will,
 and never can, be.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
A perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 am.
%%
A perfectly honest woman, a woman who never flatters, who never manages,
who never cajoles, who never conceals, who never uses her eyes, who never
speculates on the effect which she produces, who never is conscious of
unspoken admiration, what a monster, I say, would such a female be!
 -- Thackeray
%%
A perfect vacuum exists only in the minds of men.
 -- P. H. Beck
%%
A perfect woman is one that is inflated to 40psi.
%%
A peripheral is what your spouse becomes after you bring a personal
computer into your home.
%%
Aperitif: a set of dentures.
 -- Spike Milligan
%%
A Perl script is correct if it's halfway readable and it gets the job done
before your boss fires you.
 -- "Programming Perl," by Larry Wall and Randal Schwartz
%%
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
A Persian's heaven is eas'ly made:
'T is but black eyes and lemonade.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Intercepted Letters, Letter vi
%%
 A personal ad from an unidentified newspaper announces that a
"formerly single man" seeks a single or married woman.
%%
A person cannot be programmed for constant stupidity.  They're RANDOM.
%%
A person in a passion is riding a mad horse.
%%
A person is a lion in his own cause.
%%
A person is just as big as the thing that makes him angry.
%%
A person is known by the company he keeps.
%%
A person is not rewarded for having brains, only for using them.
%%
A person is only DNA's way of making more DNA.
%%
A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and
be free.
 -- Nikos Kazantzakis
%%
A person never tells you anything until contradicted.
%%
A person over age 65 who drinks says that his doctor recommends it.
 -- Bob Smith
%%
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
 -- G.C. Lichtenberg
%%
A person's character is but half formed till after wedlock.
%%
A person seldom falls sick, but the bystanders are animated with a faint
hope that he will die.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Conduct of Life"
%%
A person's got to know his limitations to avoid failure.
%%
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often
in the winter.
%%
A person shows what she is by what she does with what she has when she is
 able.
%%
A person slow to anger is better than the mighty.
%%
A person's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one
had as a child, at play.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
A person's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original
dimensions.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935)
%%
A person's strongest dreams are about what he can't do.
 -- Vina, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage), stardate unknown.
%%
A person travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns
home to find it.
 -- George Moore
%%
A person who can't lead and won't follow makes a dandy roadblock.
%%
A person who follows the crowd will never be followed by a crowd.
%%
A person who has nothing looks at all there is and wants something.
A person who has something looks at all there is and wants all the rest.
%%
A person who is more than casually interested
in computers should be well schooled in machine
language, since it is a fundamental part of a computer.
 -- Donald Knuth
%%
A person who lacks the means, within himself, to live a
good and happy life will find any period of his existence
wearisome.
 -- Cicero - On Old Age
%%
A person who's at the top has the habit of getting to the bottom.
%%
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
 -- Jerome Blattner
%%
A person without a navel lives within all of us.
%%
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs -
jolted by every pebble in the road.
 -- Henry Beecher
%%
A perversion of nature....how exciting!
%%
Apes evolved from Creationists!
%%
A pessimist counting his blessings :
10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ...
%%
A pessimist is always frustrated, for when they take joy in having proved
 that there is no joy they have contradicted themself and must start all
 over again.
%%
A pessimist is a person who feels bad when he feels good for fear he will
 feel worse when he feels better.
%%
A pessimist is never disappointed.
%%
A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise
when opportunity knocks.
%%
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the
opportunity in every difficulty.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
A phaser is the universal communicator.
 -- Worf
%%
A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice.
%%
APHASIA:
      Loss of speech in social scientists when asked
        at parties, "But of what use is your research?"
%%
Aphasia: Window decompose distance replicate for and.
%%
A phenomenon known to anyone who has ever lit fires: You can throw a burnt
match out the window of your car and start a forest fire while you can use
two boxes of matches and a whole edition of the Sunday paper without being
able to start a fire under the dry logs in your fireplace.
%%
A Philadelphia institution...kind of like Byberry.
%%
        A phobia is by definition an irrational fear.
Claustrophobia is an irrational fear of enclosed spaces.
Ailurophobia is an irrational fear of cats.  (And, as a friend of
mine has observed, tooraloorailurophobia is an irrational fear of
Irish cats.)
 -- Marty Helgesen <MNHCC@CUNYVM.BITNET>
%%
A phone call costs less than you think. Soon it'll cost more
 than you believe.
%%
Aphorism, n.: A concise, clever statement.
%%
Aphorism, n.:
 A concise, clever statement.
Afterism, n.:
   A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
 -- James Alexander Thom
%%
APHORISM, n.  Predigested wisdom.

    The flabby wine-skin of his brain
    Yields to some pathologic strain,
    And voids from its unstored abysm
    The driblet of an aphorism.
                                           "The Mad Philosopher," 1697
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A photographer is like a fish, he lays thousands of eggs hoping that one
will grow to maturity.
%%
A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
%%
A photograph of Holocaust victims might be inappropriate for display in
 the entrance of a museum where all would have to confront it, whether
    they chose to or not.
 -- John Frohnmayer, Nat'l Endowment for the Arts
%%
[A photo is displayed of Senator Dan Quayle
 holding a pumpkin to the left of his head.]
"Here's an Update Quiz: what's the difference
 between these two spherical objects?  The
 answer is: eventually, the one on the left will
 have a light in it."
 -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update
%%
A physical factor occasionally showing up in experiments as a
result of stopping a stopwatch a little early to compensate for reflex error.
 -- Fudge Factor
%%
A physical law must possess mathematical beauty.
 -- Paul A. M. Dirac
%%
A physician, after he had felt the pulse of Pausanias, and considered
his constitution, saying, "He ails nothing," "It is because, sir,"
he replied, "I use none of your physic."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Pausanias the Son of Phistoanax
%%
A physician is not angry at the intemperance of a mad patient, nor
does he take it ill to be railed at by a man in a fever. Just so
should a wise man treat all mankind, as a physician treats a patient,
and look upon them only as sick and extravagant.
 -- Seneca
%%
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
 -- George Wald
%%
A physicist is just an atom's way of looking at itself.
 -- Niels Bohr
%%
A physicist visits a colleague and notice a horseshoe hanging on the wall
above the entrance. "Do you really believe that a horseshoe brings luck ?"
he asks. "No", replies the colleague,"but I've been told that it works
even if you don't believe in it"
 -- Niels Bohrs favorite story
%%
A piano is a piano is a piano.
 -- Gertrude Steinway.
%%
A picture is a poem without words.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
A picture is worth 10K words - but only those to describe the picture.
Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
%%
A picture is worth a thousand words; a slide show is both.
%%
A piece of electronic equipment is housed in a beautifully designed cabinet,
and at the side or on top is a little box containing the components which
the designer forgot to make room for.
 -- Denys Parsons
%%
A piece of software is not perfect when you find nothing to add, but
when you find nothing to remove.
%%
A piece of string goes into a bar, climbs up on a stool and orders a
 martini. Bartender says "Get outta here, we don't serve no strings in this
 joint." String leaves, rather disgusted. Out in parking lot, string decides
 to make a disguise for itself, and does. Changes color, frizzes up the body
 and ties a bow knot in the center. Reenters bar, sits down and orders a
 martini. Again, Bartender says, "hey, ain't you the string I just threw
 outta here?" "No," says the string, "I'm a frayed knot." (Sorry, apologies
 all around on this!)
%%
 A pig ate his fill of acorns under an oak tree and then started to root
   around the tree.  A crow remarked, `You should not do this.  If you lay bare
  the roots, the tree will wither and die.' `Let it die,' said the pig.  `Who
  cares so long as there are acorns?'
%%
A pig is a jolly companion,
Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
Though mountains may topple and tilt.
When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
Though you may be thrown over by Tabby and Rover,
You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig,
You'll never go wrong with a pig!
 -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
A pig on a mountain sees more than a wise man with a bag over his head.
%%
A pill a day keeps the stork away.
%%
A pillar'd shade
High overarch'd, and echoing walks between.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 1106
%%
A pilot friend of mine mentioned that when the black box is recovered
from an airplane crash site, the last words on it are usually something
like OHHHHHH SHIIIIIITTTT!!!!.       But in one instance, the captain is
clearly heard to say:
 Point your toes; we're going in deep!
%%
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
 -- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
%%
A pint of your best plonk please.
%%
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick
in his mouth.
 -- Trischmann's Paradox
%%
A pitcher that goes to a well too often is broken first.
%%
A place you want to get to is always just off the edge of the map
you happen to have handy.
 -- Denys Parsons
%%
APL --
        A double-decker bus. Its takes rows and columns of passengers to
the same place all at the same time. But, it drives only in reverse
gear, and is instrumented in Greek.
%%
APL - A fancy caterer specializing in Greek food.  She can cook delicious
meals for rows and rows of tables with dozens of people at each table.  She
doesn't talk much, as that would just slow her work down.  Few people can
understand her recipes, since they are in a foreign language, and are all
recorded in mirror writing.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
A plague of all cowards, I say.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
A plague of sighing and grief! It blows a man up like a bladder.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
A plague on both your houses! They have made worm's meat of me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling: For example, in Year
1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by
"k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.
 The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation,
which will be dealt with later.  Year 2 might reform "w" spelling,
so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year
3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks
the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement
would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double
konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining
voist and unvoist konsonants.  Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali
bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai
now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch",
"sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl
riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in iusxrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking
werld.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
A platitude is simply a truth repeated until people get tired of
hearing it.
 -- Stanley Baldwin
%%
A pleasing land of drowsyhed it was,
Of dreams that wave before the half-shut eye;
And of gay castles in the clouds that pass,
Forever flushing round a summer sky:
There eke the soft delights that witchingly
Instil a wanton sweetness through the breast,
And the calm pleasures always hover'd nigh;
But whate'er smack'd of noyance or unrest
Was far, far off expell'd from this delicious nest.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Castle of Indolence, Canto i, Stanza 6
%%
A pleasing trembling thrills through all my blood Whene'er you touch
me with your melting hand; But when you kiss, oh! 'tis not to be spoke.
 -- Gildon
%%
A plethora of individuals with expertise in culinary techniques
contaminate the potable concoction produced by steeping certain
edible nutriments.
[too many cooks spoil the pot.]
%%
A plethora of those with culinary expertise vitiates the potable substance
produced by contriving certain comestibles.
[too many cooks spoil the pot.]
%%
APL hackers do it in the quad.
%%
APL hackers take all they want.
%%
APL is a high level languish.
%%
APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.  It is the language of
the future for the programming techniques of the past: it creates a new
generation of coding bums.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra, "How do we tell truths that might hurt",
 -- ACM Sig Plan Notices, May 82
%%
APL is a natural extension of assembler language programming;
...and is best for educational purposes.
 -- Alan J. Perlis
%%
APL is a write-only language. I can write programs
 in APL, but I can't read any of them.
 -- Roy Keir
%%
A plough that works glisters, but the still water stinks.
 -- Proverb
%%
APL programmers do it backwards.
%%
APL programmers do it in a line.
%%
APL programmers do it in the workspace.
%%
APL programmers do it with stile.
%%
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
%%
A plus sign is redundant, but some people occasionally like extra
redundancy once in a while.
 -- Donald Knuth
%%
Ap. My poverty, but not my will, consents.
Rom. I pay thy poverty, and not thy will.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
 -- Paul Valery (1871-1945)
%%
A poem round and perfect as a star.
 -- Alexander Smith (1830-1867)
 -- A Life Drama, Sc. ii
%%
A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke.
 -- Max Eastman
%%
A poet is a kind of liar who always speaks the truth.
%%
A poet only writes about the things he cannot do.
 -- A canard, sung by Meg in The One Love of My Life,
 -- in Lerner's and Lowe's Brigadoon
%%
A poet's hope: to be,
like some valley cheese,
local, but prized elsewhere.
 -- W. H. Auden
%%
A poet soaring in the high reason of his fancies, with his garland
and singing robes about him.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- The Reason of Church Government, Introduction, Book ii
%%
A poet that fails in writing, becomes often a morose critic. The
weak insipid white wine makes at length excellent vinegar.
 -- Shenstone
%%
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
A poet without love were a physical and metaphysical impossibility.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Burns, Edinburgh Review, 1828
%%
Apogee- when you REALLY want to have fun, they're #1!
%%
A poignant plea, sir, enough to melt the stoniest of hearts, but
  the answer, I'm afraid, must remain, 'You're going to die,
  fat pig'.
 -- Edmund to George : Duel and Duality
%%
A point of view is a matter of perspective...
%%
A pointy head is the sign of a sharp mind.
%%
A polar bear can live for up to 7 or 8 months without food nor water.
%%
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
%%
A police state is great, so long as you're the police.
%%
A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence
of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
 -- Kaufman's Law
%%
A political campaign is when the candidate tells what he stands for and the
election is when the voters tell if they can stand for his being elected.
%%
A political convention is verily vigorous very verboten vast verbosity
 vacuuously vivacious for what it fails to say in such long windedness and
 tedious tendentiousness without arriving even close to where it was aimed
 by a drunken archer in the midst of a tornado of hot wind. Gargantuian
 gaseous globules of gluttonous guttoral galaxies of gibberish are the order
 of the day.
%%
A political leader must keep looking over his shoulder all the time
to see if the boys are still there.  If they aren't still there,
he's no longer a political leader.
%%
A political man can have as his aim the realization of freedom,
but he has no means to realize it other than through violence.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%
A politician always abuses his own constituency and placates the opponent's.
 -- Bob Smith
%%
A politician has to be able to see both sides of an issue,
so he can get around it.
%%
A politician is a man who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for.
%%
A politician is an acrobat - he keeps his balance by saying the opposite
of what he does.
%%
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence
and yet keep both ears to the ground.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
A politician is a person who can make waves and then make you think
he's the only one who can save the ship.
 -- Ivern Ball, "Modern Secretary"
%%
A politician is like an elephant - he has a thick skin, a head full of ivory,
and as everyone who has seen a cicus parade knows,
he proceeds best by grasping the tail of his predecessor.
%%
A politician,... one that would circumvent God.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
A politician's willingness to listen to advice rises in inverse proportion
 to how badly he thinks he is doing.
 -- Pat Caddell
%%
A politician will always tip off his true belief by stating the opposite
at the beginning of the sentence.  For maximum comprehension, do not
start listening until the first clause is concluded.  Begin instead at
the word "but" which begins the second, or active, clause.  This is the
way to tell a liberal from a conservative--before they tell you.  Thus:
"I have always believed in a strong national defense, second to none,
but ... " (a liberal, about to propose a $20 billion defense cut).
 -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
A poll conducted recently showed that American parents who raised those
 many children who could not find the United States on a map can not find
 their children on an average evening.
%%
Apollo: "Approach me!"
Kirk: "We're busy!"
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Apollodorus says, "If any one were to take away from the books of
Chrysippus all the passages which he quotes from other authors, his
paper would be left empty."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Chrysippus, iii
%%
Apollo: "Even for a god there's a point of no return"
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Apollo: "I am Apollo.  I've chosen you."
Palamas: "I'm sure that's very flattering..."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Apollo said that every one's true worship was that which he found
in use in the place where he chanced to be.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
Apollo, the God of light, of reason, of proportion, harmony, number --
Apollo blinds those who press too close in worship. Don't look straight
at the sun. Go into a dark bar and have a beer with Dionysos, every now
and then.
 -- U.K. LeGuin
%%
A pollster was taking a worldwide opinion poll.
Her question was, "Excuse me; what do you think of the meat shortage?"

In Texas, the answer was "What's a shortage?"
In Poland, the answer was "What's meat?"
In the Soviet Union, the answer was "What's an opinion?"
In New York City, the answer was "What's excuse me?"
%%
A pollutant is an out of place resource.
%%
Apologies, Captain. I seem to have reached an odd functional empass.
  I am stuck.
 -- Data, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
Apologies only account for that which they do not alter.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, July 28, 1871
%%
Apologists do it orally.
%%
APOLOGIZE, v.i.  To lay the foundation for a future offence.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Apology accepted, Captain Kirk.
%%
Apology accepted, Captain Needa.
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
%%
A polynomial f is said to have degree m, written deg f equals m, if it does
have degree m.
%%
A poodle like you could end up at Burger King.
%%
A poor compromise is better than a costly litigation.
 -- Proverb
%%
A poore soule sat sighing under a sycamore tree;
  Oh willow, willow, willow!
With his hand on his bosom, his head on his knee,
  Oh willow, willow, willow!
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Willow, willow, willow
%%
A poor excuse is better than no excuse!
%%
A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking (meant) for
others!
 -- Donatien-Alphonse-Francois de Sade
%%
A poor, infirm, weak, and despised old man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
A poor lone woman.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
A poorly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected.
 -- Golub's Third Law of Computerdom
%%
A poor man sells his saucepan to buy something to put in it.
%%
A poor man served by thee, shall make thee rich.
 -- Mrs. Browning
%%
A poor plan can be made to look great when compared to a worse alternative.
%%
A poor, weak, palsy-stricken, churchyard thing.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- The Eve of St. Agnes, Stanza 18
%%
Apoplexie and lethargie,
As forlorn hope, assault the enemy.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, First Day, Part iii
%%
A Portable Hole holds a lot of beer.
%%
A portrait of J. Pierpont Flathead hangs on the wall.
%%
A possum must be himself, and being himself he is honest.
 -- Walt Kelly
%%
APOSTATE, n.  A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle
only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient
to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
apostrophy:  when your apostrophe atrophies.
 -- David Bedno, drseuss@gorn.santa-cruz.CA.US
%%
APOTHECARY, n.  The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor
and grave worm's provider.

    When Jove sent blessings to all men that are,
    And Mercury conveyed them in a jar,
    That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth
    Disease for the apothecary's health,
    Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:
    "My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!"
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A pound of Flex-ex and a blasting cap cures hacking.
%%
A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
%%
A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
%%
A power has risen up in the government greater than the people themselves,
consisting of many and various and powerful interests, combined into
one mass, and held together by the cohesive power of the vast surplus
in the banks.
 -- Johann L. Uhland (1787-1862)
 -- Speech, May 27, 1836
%%
:app: /ap/ n. Short for `application program', as opposed to a
   systems program.  Apps are what systems vendors are forever chasing
   developers to create for their environments so they can sell more
   boxes.  Hackers tend not to think of the things they themselves run
   as apps; thus, in hacker parlance the term excludes compilers,
   program editors, games, and messaging systems, though a user would
   consider all those to be apps.  (Broadly, an app is often a
   self-contained environment for performing some well-defined task
   such as `word processing'; hackers tend to prefer more
   general-purpose tools.) Oppose {tool}, {operating
   system}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
     Apparently Arnold Schwarzenegger's next movie is going to be about the
lives of the world's great composers.  The movie has Steven Seagal set to play
Beethoven, Jean-Claude Van Damme will be Mozart, and when Arnie got wind of the
project, he said...

     "I'll be Bach"
%%
Apparently, Bob saw an alien once.
%%
Apparently heard at a public lecture by the famous C. Northcote Parkinson at
the Indian Institute of Technology, Madras:

   Government's handling of a difficult matter by appointing a
   Commission of Enquiry is just like a person going to the toilet --
    there is a sitting, a report, and then the matter is dropped.
%%
Apparently IBM is not IBM compatible.
 -- Andy Tanenbaum
%%
Apparently, it was not as big of a surprise as we had anticipated.
 -- Cylon Warrior to Imperious Leader
%%
Apparently, July is National Hot Dog Month.  If this is true, I imagine
there must also be National Hot Dog Awards.  I can just imagine this.
Someone opens an envelope, looks at the contents and says: "And the
Wiener is . . . Oscar Mayer!"
%%
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Apparently you are heading toward a bank of cyclone debris. Act now.
%%
Appealingness is inversely proportional to attainability.
%%
Appeal, vt. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Appearance, Extremely neat, even combs his p*bic hair.
%%
Appearance must not foil, nor shifted sphere confuse thy brain.
Ample are time and space--ample the fields of nature.
 -- CONTINUITIES, Walt Whitman
%%
Appearances are all, my son. Appearances are all.
%%
Appearances deceive and this one maxim is a standing rule: Men are
not what they seem.
 -- Harvard
%%
Appearances often are deceiving.
 -- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Appearances to the mind are of four kinds. Things either are what
they appear to be; or they neither are, nor appear to be; or they
are, and do not appear to be; or they are not, and yet appear to be.
Rightly to aim in all these cases is the wise man's task.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxvii
%%
Appearance *versus* reality? Appearance *is* reality, God damn it!
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Appear to know only this,--never to fail nor fall.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- That Courage is not inconsistent with Caution,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. i
%%
APPENDIX:
     A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.
%%
Appetite comes with eating, says Angeston.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. v
%%
APPETITE, n.  An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a
solution to the labor question.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.
 -- Colton
%%
Applause, n. The echo of a platitude.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Applause, pom-poms & trumpets for our Sysops & Moderators!
%%
Apple:  A PC so simple your parents can use it.
%%
"Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
%%
Apple Computer don't threaten us, we can buy them out of petty cash.
 -- John Akers, IBM
%%
Apple is like the Chinese Cultural
 Revolution conducted by people in
 three-piece suits."
%%
Apple owners do it with mice.
%%
Apples? Apricots? This industry is full of Fruits!
%%
Apples Have Spiritual Powers, Say Insane Engineers.
%%
Apple - Typically a device used to seduce men.  Usually equipped with
 display screens and/or worms.
%%
Appliances must carry energy-efficiency labels, but
so far the government doesn't require them on people.
%%
....Applicants must also have extensive knowledge of Unix, although they
should have sufficiently good programming taste to not consider this
an achievement.
 -- Hal Abelson, MIT job advertisement
%%
                           APPLICATION FORM
                 Mothers And Fathers of Italian Ancestry
                             (M.A.F.I.A.)
Watza-U-Name ________________________________________ U-Hage __________________
Watza-U-Howza Numbero _________________ U-Stretta _____________________________
Watza-U-Bag:  Hittaman _________ Lona-Arranger ___________ Prostittuta ________
Izza U Girl or Boy (Orizza U Girl-Oh-Boy) ______________ (Pick one, Weizza Guy)
Putta Downa Wearra U Worgga Now _______________________________________________
Wazza U Inna De Bigga Ouse: ___________________________________________________
For Whatza Wazza U Inna De Bigga Ouse For: ____________________________________
U Shoote One Guiz ____________________ U Keednap Sumbodys _____________________
Porteckshion Raggets _______________________ Udder Thingza ____________________
U Wanna Be De Bigga Shotz, Sumdaze?  Yazze: ________ No: ________ Eh: _________
U Likka Eata Garlic: ____________ Pizza: _____________ Salami: ________________
U Know Ow To Makea De Cement Shooz? ___________________________________________
U Driva De Car _______ Cadillac ________ Buick ___________ Linken _____________
U Likea Spagetti _____ Calamara ________ Boyze ___________ Girlze _____________
     (Peek justa one - no foola rounde, cuz I slappa U face.)
U Sees De Godfather? ___________________ Or Justa De Movie? ___________________
%%
Applied emotion is the key to success with happiness.
%%
Applying computer technology is simply finding the right
wrench to pound in the correct screw.

The graduate with a Science degree asks,
 "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks,
 "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks,
 "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks,
 "Do you want fries with that?"
%%
APPOINTMENT BOOK:
     The reference of last resort when trying to duck undesired
    invitations ("Gee, the soonest I can pencil you in is
 December, 2004"), or when trying to figure out what the hell
  it was you did during the past year.
%%
Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush.
%%
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Approach has supreme success.
Perseverance furthers.
When the eight month comes,
There will be misfortune.
%%
Approbation from Sir Hubert Stanley is praise indeed.
 -- Thomas Morton (1764-1838)
 -- A Cure for the Heartache, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Approved, but not funded.
%%
Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons
released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and
enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources.
 -- Ronald W. Reagan, quoted in "Sierra", 10 September 1980
%%
A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to its quality.
Bastinado is about right.  For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling.
But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's, "Time Enough For Love"
%%
A prating barber asked Archelaus how he would be trimmed. He answered,
"In silence."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Archelaus
%%
A precedent embalms a principle.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, Feb. 22, 1848
%%
A precipitate avian ensnares the vermiculate creature.
%%
A prediction is worth twenty explanations.
 -- K. Brecher
%%
A pregnancy will never occur when you have a low-paying job which you hate.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
 A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
A Presbyterian and Methodist Preacher got into a hot discussion about the
 Presbyterian teaching on what is called predestination. Like all such
 discussions, there was far more heat shead in the course of the discussion
 than there was light. The Methodist finally agreed that there just might be
 something to the teaching of the Presbyterians on predestination, and also
 he allowed that most Presbyterians were likely going to hell anyway. The
 Presbyterian was rather out of patience with all of this and admitted that
 he would much rather be a Presbyertian and know he was going to hell than a
 Methodist and know know where the hell he was going.
%%
A President cannot always be popular.
 -- Harry S. Truman, "Memoirs, Vol. II", 1955
%%
APRES MOE LE DELUGE - Larry and Curly get wet.
%%
A pretty foot is one of the greatest gifts of nature... please send me your
last pair of shoes, already worn out in dancing... so I can have something of
yours to press against my heart.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
A pretty .GIF is like a melody
%%
A pretty girl can do no wrong.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.
%%
A pretty woman is a welcome guest.
 -- Byron
%%
A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
Voltaire said, "This is no time to make new enemies"
%%
A priest and a rabbi were enjoying the fights at Madison Square Garden. One
 of the fighters crossed himself before the opening gong sounded. "What does
 that mean?" the rabbi asked. The priest said, "Not a damn thing if he can't
 fight."
 -- Belle Barth
%%
A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And he answered: It is that
which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence.  It is that
which men in former times had to bear upon their backs.  It is that
which has caused nations to build byways from City to City upon which
carts and coaches pass, and alongside which inns have come to be built
to stave off Hunger, Thirst and Weariness. And that is Fate?  said
the priest. Fate ... I thought you said Freight, responded the Master.
That's all right, said the priest.  I wanted to know what Freight
was too.
 -- Kehlog Albran, The Profit
%%
A priestess and a virgin you might be, but that unicorn won't care.
%%
A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came
upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
"That's what I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow
man".
 As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well,
he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
%%
A priest with two suits is a thief.
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.
 -- George Eliot
%%
April 13 -- True Anecdote: In National League baseball action, the Atlanta
Braves' Dion James hits a ball that would have been caught easily,
except that in midair it strikes and kills a dove.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 14 -- In Colorado, Gary Hart declares his candidacy for the presidential
nomination, making the official announcement while standing in front of
a dramatic backdrop of soaring mountains, towering pine trees, and four
Miami Herald reporters disguised as rhododendrons.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 16th:  Count your blessings - nothing else is left.
%%
April 1st marks the end of winter hibernation and the beginning of summer
 lethargy.
%%
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the
other three hundred and sixty-four.
%%
April 22 -- Crack U.S. counter-intelligence agents in Moscow begin to suspect
that the new U.S. Embassy in Moscow, constructed by Soviet labor, might
be bugged, when one of them sneezes in the ambassador's office and six
chairs say, "Gesundheit."
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 26 -- Jack Kemp announces that he is running for president, pledging
that, if elected, he will deepen his voice.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 30 -- Following a lengthy and dramatic trial, a confused New Jersey jury
awards custody of a 3-month-old boy to a 6-week-old girl.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 3 -- In the Persian Gulf, Iranians attack the Islip garbage barge, but
are driven off by courageous flies.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April diverts our attention from life's inevitabilities and focuses it on
 the potentialities. In April, if the glands still work properly, it is
 possible to see the world as it might be if only it were not the world.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
APRIL FOOL, n.  The March fool with another month added to his folly.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
April Fool!: Sue Prize
%%
April is the cruelest month...
 -- Thomas Stearns Eliot
%%
A primitive artist is an amateur whose work sells.
 -- Grandma Moses
%%
A prince can make a belted knight,
  A marquis, duke, and a' that;
But an honest man 's aboon his might,
  Guid faith, he maunna fa' that.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- For a' that an a' that
%%
A prince offers it to the Son of Heaven.
A petty man cannot do this.
%%
A princess should not be afraid -- not with a brave knight to
  protect her.
 -- McCoy, "Shore Leave," stardate 3025.3.
%%
A print addict is a man who reads in elevators.  People
occasionally look at me curiously when they see me standing
there, reading a paragraph or two as the elevator goes up.  To
me, it's curious that there are people who do not read in
elevators.  What can they be thinking about?
 -- Robert Fulford
%%
A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
A problem can be found for almost every solution.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
A problem is a chance for you to do your best.
 -- Duke Ellington
%%
A problem well stated is a problem half solved.
 -- Charles F. Kettering, American electrical engineer and inventor.
%%
A problem which can not be solved is much easier to deal with than a
 solution which no one can understand or agree with, so leave it alone.
%%
A process which led from amoeba to man
appeared to the philosphers to be obviously progress
- though whether the amoeba would agree with this opinion is not known.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
A procrastinator's work is never done.
%%
A proctologist is a doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
%%
A production of the digitally insane.
%%
A productive drunk is the bane of moralists.
%%
A product with 'ZERO DEFECTS' doesn't ship!
%%
A professional is a man who can do his best at a time
when he doesn't particularly feel like it.
 -- Alistair Cooke, journalist
%%
A professional is someone who tells you something you already knew, but in
 the telling, through the use of jargon and jumbo, makes the whole thing
 sound impressive and confusing, and then charges you a professional fee for
 doing this to you.
%%
A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man.  In
order to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many
compromises and submit to so many humiliations that he becomes
indistinguishable from a streetwalker.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
 -- Wystan Hugh Auden, poet (1907-1973)
%%
A professor's enthusiasm for teaching the introductory course varies
inversely with the likelihood of his having to do it.
%%
A progeny of learning.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
A program  designed  for  inputs  from  people  is  usually
stressed  beyond  the  breaking  point by computer-generated
inputs.
 -- Dennis Ritchie
%%
A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than
the program generator.
 -- The Last One's Law of Program Generators
%%
A program is much like a nose...
Sometimes it runs,
Sometimes it blows.
%%
A programmer and his mind are soon parted.
%%
A programmer at S.D.R.C.,
found the VAX very slow, don't you see.
After typing "DEBUG",
the VAX, it did chug.
And it came back in February.
%%
A programmer down in Moline
Said, I'm the match for any machine.
     My secret's aversion,
 To loops and recursion,
Just acres of in-line routine.
 -- W. J. Wilson
%%
A programmer from a very large computer company went to a software
conference and then returned to report to his manager, saying: "What
sort of programmers work for other companies? They behaved badly and
were unconcerned with appearances.  There hair was long and unkept
and their clothes were wrinkled and old. They crashed out hospitality
suite and they made rude noises during my presentation."

The manager said: "I should have never sent you to the conference.
Those programmers live beyond the physical world. They consider life
absurd, an accidental coincidence. They come and go without knowing
limitations. Without a care, they live only for their programs. Why
should they bother with social conventions?"

They are alive within the Tao.
%%
"A programmer," he said with obvious amazement, is the sort
of person "who drinks Coke in the morning."
 -- Boston Globe article on The High Tech Set
%%
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis
 of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite
 series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric
 precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from
 inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical
 accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality
 for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly
 defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the
 information in the first place.
 -- IEEE Grid news magazine
%%
A programmer's best friend - the system trace.
Just like your dog, system trace is always there, running,
and it doesn't need special care or feeding.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 7.0 Chapter 7.  System Trace
%%
A programmer's work is never done.
%%
A programming language is low-level when its programs require attention
to the irrelevant.
%%
A prohibitionist is someone one wouldn't want to drink with, even
if he did drink.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
A project always expands to fill your system's available memory.
%%
A project can not be considered complete until the total height of the
viewgraphs produced exceeds the height of the shortest PI.
 -- Robert Metzger, scientist and author
%%
A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.
 -- Cooper's MetaLaw
%%
A promoter is a person who wants to sell you something you don't need that
 he does not have, at a price you can't afford, and for reasons neither of
 you can possibly understand, but the deal goes through and now you make
 your living using the things no one wanted to do what everyone said could
 not be done, for people who don't want what you offer. Its the price you
 pay, it appears, for being in the sewer cleaning business.
%%
A propeller is as a fan to keep the pilot cool.
%%
A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow
real poverty.
 -- Hume
%%
A proper man, as one shall see in a summer's day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave... The female is a female
by virtue of a certain lack of qualities - a natural defectiveness.
 -- Aristotle
%%
A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country and in his own house.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xiii, 57
%%
A prosperous fool is a grievous burden.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Frag. 383
%%
A proud graduate of "Bob's School of Quantum Mechanics"
%%
A proud supporter of Crusty the Clown's Telethon for Motion Sickness.
%%
A proverb and a byword.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings ix, 7
%%
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
A proverb is the wisdom of many and the wit of one.
 -- Lord John Russell
%%
A prudent question is one-half wisdom.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
A prune is a plum with experience.
%%
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your
  wife asks for nothing.
 -- Joey Adams
%%
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
%%
Apt alliteration 's artful aid.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764)
 -- The Prophecy of Famine, Line 86
%%
Apt natural. I have a gub.
%%
A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be
too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which
was intended for her preservation.
 -- Colton
%%
Apu (Kwik-E-Mart clerk):  "Haven't I seen you on TV somewhere before?"
Homer:  "Nah, you have me confused with Fred Flintstone."
 -- "Homer's Night Out", from The Simpsons
%%
Apuleius married a rich widow, then wrote "The Golden Ass".
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A pun is the lowest form of humour,
when you don't think of it first.
 -- Oscar Levant
%%
A purchased component or instrument will meet its specs long enough,
and only long enough, to pass incoming inspection.
%%
A puritan is a person who pours righteous indignation into
the wrong things.
 -- G.K. Chesterton
%%
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere,
is having fun.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think
    of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #53
%%
A purring cat and a glowing fireplace makes winter bearable.
%%
A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as
"you could blow it in" may be blown in.  This rule does not apply if
the ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants
to make a travesty of the game.
 -- Donald A. Metz
%%
A Qmodem is a happy modem!
%%
Aquadextrous, adj.: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet
on and off
with your toes.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
Aquait:  The time allowed at the water fountain for the water to cool.
%%
A QUANTUM LEAP into the past, Bell Atlantic Business Systems Services.
%%
Aquarium = Kitty Boob Tube
%%
AQUARIUS (Jan.20 - Feb.18)
You are the type of person who never has enough money to do what
you want.  Don't expect things to get any better today, either.
As a matter of fact they might get worse.  Intensify your
relationship with your bank and any friends you have who might be
able to lend you a few bucks.
%%
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
    You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
        You lie a great deal.  On the other hand, you are inclined to
 be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same
     mistakes over and over again.  People think you are stupid.
%%
AQUARIUS   January 20 - February 18
You are an amiable person who likes to be popular.  You need to be
around others because you cannot stand yourself.  When alone, you do
weird things to your body.  Sex change operations are common among
Aquarians.
%%
A quarrel is quickly settled when deserted by one party; there is no battle
unless there be two.
 -- Seneca
%%
A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
 -- Slick's Law of the Universe
%%
A quart low.
%%
A quartz oscillator oscillates at a frequency off the rated one by a minimum
 of 25% if it does oscillate at all.
 -- Vuilleumier's Sixth Law
%%
Aquatic Huge Giant Space Hamster.
%%
A quest for happiness is often hidden behind the simple fact that hard work
 is required. This is one of the reasons many folks miss finding happiness.
%%
A question well-asked is half answered.
%%
A quick punch, but it was only a glancing blow.
%%
A quick response is worth a thousand logical responses.
 -- Merle P. Martin
%%
A quick thrust pinks your left arm, and blood starts to trickle down.
%%
A .QWK is a Day's Adventure.
%%
Arabs wear turbines on their heads
%%
A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results
 blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
 -- Steel City News
%%
Arachnohomophobia: Fear of gay spiders.
%%
A radical is a man with both feet firmly planted in the air.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
%%
AR: Advance Rudely
%%
AR: Alter Reality
%%
A RAM is a terrible thing to waste.
%%
A rancher is a farmer who farms the public lands with a herd of four-legged
lawn mowers.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A RARE CONJUNCTION OF STARS means bad luck for the rest of your life.
%%
A rascally yea-forsooth knave.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
A rather narrow crawlway opens up rapidly to reveal a sizable cave.
The ceiling is very low, however, and you are forced to stoop.
%%
 a rat.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
     Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
general can be said."
%%
"Arcades ambo,"--id est, blackguards both.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 93
%%
Arcana Coelestica:
 Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to
 that obtained by Christ.
 -- H. L. Menchen
%%
ARC.angel says "zip.itup"
%%
Arcesilaus had a peculiar habit while conversing of using the expression,
"My opinion is," and "So and so will not agree to this."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Arcesilaus, xii
%%
Archaelogists do it by trowel and era!
%%
Archaeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins...
%%
Archaeologists date anything!
%%
Archaeologists do it in the dirt.
%%
Archaeologists do it with mummies.
%%
Archaeologists like it old.
%%
Archaeologists make the best husbands.  The older you get, the more
they're interested.
 -- Agatha Christie
%%
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
%%
Archaeologists will date any old thing.
%%
ARCHBISHOP, n.  An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a
bishop.

    If I were a jolly archbishop,
    On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up --
    Salmon and flounders and smelts;
    On other days everything else.
                                                              Jodo Rem
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE -- FIRST WORLD WAR A MISTAKE
%%
Archers make better lovers cause they have longer shafts.
%%
Archers use longer shafts.
%%
Archery: Beau N. Arrow
%%
Archimedes had no principles!
%%
Archimedes had stated, that given the force, any given weight might
be moved; and even boasted that if there were another earth, by going
into it he could remove this.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Marcellus
%%
ARCHITECT, n.  One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft
of your money.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ARCHITECTS are responsible for the tallest erections.
%%
Architects do it late.
%%
Architects have great plans.
%%
ARCHITECTURAL HISTORIANS can tell you who put it up, how big it was
%%
Architectural Indigestion:
 The almost obsessive need to live in a 'cool' architectural
environment. Frequently related objects of fetish include framed
black-and-white art photography (Diane Arbus a favorite); simplistic
pine furniture; matte black high-tech items such as TVs, stereos, and
telephones; low-wattage ambient lighting; a lamp, a chair, or table
that alludes to the 1950s; cut flowers with complex names.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Architecture is not a business, not a career, but a crusade and a
consecration to a joy that justifies the existence of the earth.
 -- Henry Cameron
%%
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
 -- Philip Johnson
%%
Architecture is the printing press of all ages, and gives a history
of the state in which it was conducted.
 -- Lady Morgan
%%
ARCHITECTURE MAJORS stay up all night
%%
Architecture: Whatever we choose to implement.
 -- FMS Project Leader
%%
ARDOR, n.  The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A reactionary is a man whose political opinions
 always manage to keep up with yesterday.
%%
A reactionary is a somnambulist walking backward.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
%%
A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed
antipersonnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
%%
A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor
recorded the following on the patient's chart:       "Patient failed to fulfill
his wellness potential."
%%
A real book is not one that we read, but one that reads us.
 -- W. H. Auden
%%
A real bully is always a coward, for their lurks in such a person the fear
 of finding someone even worse than himself at what he is doing.
%%
A real christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.
%%
A real computer scientist does not mind UNIX, simple commands like
mail and readnews rarely fail.

A real programmer does not mind UNIX, it can be easily circumvented.

A real software engineer does not care what operating system he runs
his Software Verification Aid package on.

A real user cares about UNIX, but nobody cares about him.
%%
A real computer scientist will dedicate months of patient effort to
reduce the asymptotic time of an algorithm from n log log n to n log
log log n and never implement it.

A real programmer come up with the n log log log n solution while eating
cold pizza in the morning and then implements an n^2 solution anyway.

A real software engineer derives the n log log log n solution using the
formal specification and then discards it as an implementation detail.

A real user doesn't even understand what a n log log log n solution
means.
%%
A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat
without having his neighbor notice it.
 -- Trygve Lie
%%
A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool of yourself,
lets you forget it.
%%
A real friend isn't someone you use once and throw away.
A real friend is someone you can use again and again.
%%
"A real friend is someone who takes a winter vacation on a sun-drenched
 beach, and doesn't send a card."
 -- Farmer's Almanac
%%
A realist lets circumstances decide which end of the telescope to look through.
%%
A real lady never asks, "was *what* good for me?"
%%
A really busy person never knows how much he weighs.
 -- Edgar Watson Howe
%%
A really good bass is the hardest drunk to find.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
A really plain woman is one who, however beautiful, neglects to charm.
 -- Edgar Aaltus
%%
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
 that the system works.
%%
A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real
reason.
%%
A real programmer's girlfriend wears a G$.
%%
A real spoilsport is someone who muddles up a good argument with facts.
%%
A reasonable Conservative is hard to find.
%%
A reasonable doubt for a reasonable fee
 -- Motto of Hunter S. Thompson's lawyer
%%
Are beer commercials great or what?
%%
Are Casey and Kildare a "paradox"?
%%
Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has
not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes,
and as much as he likes?
 -- Fernand Mery
%%
Are cats really intelligent aliens taking over the earth?
%%
Are cats supposed to thump when you dry 'em in the dryer?
%%
Are CD's really the Pits?
%%
A recent addition to the IRS employee manual makes clear that the
agency would continue to operate and to collect taxes immediately
after any national emergency -- "especially resulting from nuclear
attack."
%%
A recently dug hole is here. It appears that the hole leads
to another room.
%%
A recent moralist has affirmed that the human heart is like a jug.  No
mortal can look into its recesses, and you can only judge of its purity
by what comes out of it.
%%
A recent study has found that concentrating on difficult off-screen
 objects, such as the faces of loved ones, causes eye strain in computer
 scientists.  Researchers into the phenomenon cite the added concentration
 needed to "make sense" of such unnatural three dimensional objects...
%%
A recent survey conclusively proves that the reason why most women rub
 their eyes when they wake up in the morning is because they haven't any
 balls to scratch.
%%
A recession is what takes the wind out of your sales.
%%
A recession is when my neighbor loses his job. A depression is when
I lose my job. A panic is when my wife loses her job.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
A Rechabite poor Will must live,
And drink of Adam's ale.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- The Wandering Pilgrim
%%
Are Cheerios really donut seeds?
%%
A recipe doesn't belong to anyone
 -- Edward Espe Brown
%%
Are condoms adequate protection? Nope, you'll also have to have fire and
 casualty, even if you don't drive.
%%
A record number of savings-and-loan failures left America with a nationwide
 shortage of flimsy toaster ovens, cheap pocket calculators, and ugly
 dinnerware.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
A record of data is essential: it shows you were working.
%%
Are crooked teeth supporting evidence for the theory of contidental
drift?
%%
Are deaf psychiatrists better listeners?
%%
A red nose can be the result of sunshine or moonshine.
%%
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
%%
A reefer a day....  I forget the rest.
%%
Are eleven thousand people worth fifty billion?  Is the love of a woman
  worth the destruction of an entire species?
 -- Kevin, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
A reformer is a guy who rides through a sewer in a glass bottomed boat.
%%
A reformer wants his conscience to be your guide.
%%
A reform is a correction of abuses; a revolution is a transfer of power.
%%
Are Girl Scout cookies made with real Girl Scouts ??
%%
Are hex wrenches made for opening computers?
%%
Are humans good to eat Daddy?
%%
A relationship is like a shark - it has to keep moving forward or it dies.
Well, what we have on our hands here is a dead shark.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
A relationship is what happens between two people who are waiting for something
better to come along.
%%
A RELIABLE SOURCE - The guy you just met.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
A religion can no more afford to degrade its Devil than to degrade its God.
%%
A religion is a cult with an adequate army
%%
A religious conservative is a fanatic about a dead radical.
%%
A remarkable characteristic of the Americans is the manner in which
they have applied science to modern life... In England an inventor is
regarded almost as a crazy man, and in too many instances invention
ends in disappointment and poverty.  In America an inventor is
honored, help is forthcoming, and the exercise of ingenuity, the
application of science to the work of man, is there the shortest road to
wealth.
 -- Oscar Wilde, Lecture in England (1883) after return from America.
%%
A remarkable race are the Persians;
 They have such peculiar diversions.
 They make love the whole day
 In the usual way
 And save up the nights for perversions.
%%
"Are my car indicators working?"
"Yes, no, yes, no . . . "
%%
ARENA, n.  In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman
wrestles with his record.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:arena: [UNIX] n. The area of memory attached to a process by
   `brk(2)' and `sbrk(2)' and used by `malloc(3)' as
   dynamic storage.  So named from a `malloc: corrupt arena'
   message emitted when some early versions detected an impossible
   value in the free block list.  See {overrun screw}, {aliasing
   bug}, {memory leak}, {memory smash}, {smash the
   stack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Are not within the leaf of pity writ.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Aren't cats just widdle furry balls of love?
%%
Aren't we way overdue for a year of Jubilee?
%%
Aren't you a little old to believe in human tales?
 -- Chrysta's father.
%%
Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
 -- Leia to Luke during first rescue. (Star Wars)
%%
Aren't you forgetting something?
%%
Aren't you glad that everything is going so smoothly?
%%
Aren't you glad we don't all live on Uranus?
%%
Aren't you glad you asked?
%%
Aren't you Glad you found NetUsers?  :-)
%%
Aren't you glad you're not getting all the government you pay for now?
%%
Aren't you glad your mother didn't have an abortion?
%%
Aren't you glad you use Dial?  Don't you wish everybody did?
%%
"Aren't you Surprised?" by Omar Gosch
%%
Are people more important than the grizzly bear? Only from the point of view
of some people.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Are Philipino contortionists manila folders?
%%
A reported fact states that murders of immediate family members account
for nearly 25% of all murders committed. Think about that the next time
you yell at your sister for taking too long in the bathroom.
%%
A reporter is pestering her at a party.

R: "have you ever had your ears pierced"
DP: "No, but I've often had them bored"
%%
        A Requiem For Today's Technologist
A computer is my lover
The only life I've ever known
I've given it my soul
And in return I've got it's own.

I tried to love a human
But he filled my days with pain
The ache was so intense, I swore
I'd not love man again.

My love went to the computer
For it was quick and smart,
And it would never hurt me -
Until it became my heart.

The life in me has died -
The greatest pain I've ever known -
From the computer as my lover
And the empty soul I own.
%%
Are RAM chips better than COW chips? Hmmm, I wonder...
%%
Are RAM chips better than EWE chips?
%%
Are romance really Italian insects?
%%
Are Russian leaders overweight and out of shape? The new national symbol is
 the hammer and fudgesicle.
 -- Carl Wolfson
%%
A researcher:   someone looking for technical help after 5 o'clock.
%%
 A research project not worth doing at all isn't worth doing well.
 -- Gordon's First Law
%%
A research team : a group of individuals who cannot stand one
another, working on a project of national or global importance.
%%
A reserved lover, it is said, always makes a suspicious husband.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
ARE: sixty minutes.  "Ah'll meet yew thar in about a are!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Are taglines protected by look and feel, Lotus?
%%
Are tectonic plates dishwasher-safe?
 -- Herb Caen, S. F. Chronicle, 8/12/93
%%
Are the commentators on Hamlet really mad or only
pretending to be mad?
%%
Are there any historical precedents for the Soviet system of elections?

Yes, in the story of the creation. God made Eve, put her in the Garden of
Eden, and said to Adam: "Now choose a woman."
%%
"Are there any more great swimmers in the pipeline?"
 -- Cliff Morgan, BBC Radio 4
%%
"Are there many fires in Norway?"
"Oh Good Lord yes.  The place is a constant blaze!"
 -- Monty Python
%%
Are there not, dear Michal,
Two points in the adventure of the diver,--
One, when a beggar he prepares to plunge;
One, when a prince he rises with his pearl?
Festus, I plunge.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Paracelsus, Part i
%%
Are there those in the land of the brave
Who can tell me how I should behave
 When I am disgraced
   Because I erased
      A file I intended to save?
%%
Are these the choice dishes the Doctor has sent us?
Is this the great poet whose works so content us?
This Goldsmith's fine feast, who has written fine books?
Heaven sends us good meat, but the Devil sends cooks?
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- Epigram on Goldsmith's Retaliation, Vol. ii, p. 157
%%
..  are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Are the taglines too long, or is the tagline-space to sh
%%
"Are they being mistreated?"
  "Only by a few fanatics. Mostly local anchormen."
 -- Doonesbury
%%
Are they taking DDT?
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle asking doctors at a Manhattan
 -- AIDS clinic about their treatments of choice, 4/30/92
 -- (reported in Esquire, 8/92, and NY Post early May 92)
%%
   Are those cocktail-waitress fingernail marks?    I asked Colletti as he
showed us these scratches on his chest.  No, those are on my back, Colletti
answered.    This is where a case of cocktail shrimp fell on me.   I told her
to slow down a little, but you know cocktail waitresses, they seem to have
a mind of their own.
 -- The Incredibly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of O.C. and Stiggs
 -- National Lampoon, October 1982
%%
Are thunder thighs produced by "eat" lighting?
%%
A retired dentist who loves to fish. "Open wide," he mutters to
 the unseen fish as he waits for a tug on the line. "Now bite down.
 This may sting just a little bit."
%%
A return with no gosub.
%%
Are Vampires afraid of something?
%%
A reverence for life does not require one to respect nature's
obvious mistakes.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
A revised schedule is to business what a new season is to an athlete or a
new canvas to an artist.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
A revolving lithic conglomerate accrues no lichen.
%%
Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?
 -- Matt Groening
%%
Are we at last brought to such a humiliating and debasing
degradation, that we cannot be trusted with arms for our own
defense? Where is the difference between having our arms in our
own possession and under our own direction, and having them under
the management of Congress? If our defense be the _real_ object
of having those arms, in whose hands can they be trusted with
more propriety, or equal safety to us, as in our own hands?
 -- Patrick Henry
%%
Are we being too literal?
%%
Are we controlled by secret forces?
%%
ARE WE HAVING A RELATIONSHIP --
Or just doing research on each other?
%%
Are we live or on tape?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Are we lovers or just friends in bed?
%%
Are we near a slaughterhouse, or did you forget your deodorant?
%%
Are we not men?
%%
Are we not men?
We are DEVO!
%%
Are we not men?
We are Vaxen.
%%
Are we on STRIKE yet?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Are we running light with overbyte?
%%
Are we sufficiently off-topic yet?
%%
Are we supposed to be having fun yet?
%%
"Are we there Yet?" Miles Away
%%
Are we THERE yet?  My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Are we there yet, Papa Smurf?
%%
Are we THERE yet?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Are we to mark this day with a white or a black stone?
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. x
%%
Are we undead - or what?
%%
Are XXX .gif's released to the pubic domain?
%%
Are you ABNORMAL?  Then you are probably better than most people!
  Are alien space monsters bringing a STARTLING NEW WORLD?
 -- The Book of the SubGenius
%%
Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE about this *.*?
%%
Are you a cardinal?
%%
Are you a computer friendly user?
%%
Are you a conservative?  I'd slap you, but sh*t splatters.
%%
Are you adjusting to your new environment Commander?
I find the constraints a bit difficult to conform to. Just a while ago I
  had to stop myself from killing Commander Riker.
 -- Troi and Kurn, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
Are you a foul flea, or just a scummy snake?
%%
Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
%%
Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head?
%%
Are you a man or a mouse? Come on, squeak up!
%%
Are you a Photometric Polytechnic graduate?
%%
Are you a Romulan?
 -- Kareen to Worf, "The Schizoid Man", stardate 42437.5
%%
Are you a schizo? - If so, that makes four of us.
%%
Are you a slob, or just a rectum?
%%
Are you a turtle?
%%
"Are you Catholic?"
  "Episcopalian, and not very."
"Ja, ja.  Agnoztic."
 -- From "The Badger"
%%
Are you certain quantum mechanics is a science?
%%
Are you changing your mind, or is your mind changing you?
%%
Are you enjoying yourself?
%%
Are You Experienced?
%%
AreYou Fat And Ugly?  Do You Want To Be Just Ugly?
Memberships Available. Now.
 -- Sign outside the Fountain of Youth Health Spa in Salt Lake City
%%
Are you getting sick and tired of people saying some nerdy thing to you
 like: "Have a nice day!" Sometimes people say this to me while wishing that
 if I die, I do it on cheap embalming fluid. They don't mean it. So, I have
 an answer for it. "Have a nice day," they say. "I have other plans!" I tell
 them.
%%
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
 -- from The Goon Show
%%
     "Are you going to see him Samoa?"  "Don't be Sicily, he's a Spain
in the neck."
%%
Are you going to sleep at all tonight?!
%%
Are you good men and true?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Are you having fun? I am.
%%
Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up?
%%
Are you kidding me? You must be kidding me!
%%
Are you left-handed or backwards?
%%
Are you making this up as you go along?
%%
Are you married?
No, I'm divorced.
And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A lot of things I didn't know about.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Are you offering a solution, or are you just another part of the problem?
%%
Are you on an ego trip?   You forgot your luggage.
%%
Are you online? Good!  Hit  to take the I.Q. Test.
%%
Are you out of my mind?
%%
Are you out of your mind?
%%
Are you practicing to be a politician?
%%
Are you prepared to defend yourself?
%%
Are you reading my buttons, or are you transfixed by my
beauty?
%%
Are you ready for the Lord Jesus to come back?
%%
"Are you REALLY a Borg?"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Are your eyes open or are you like using the Force?
%%
Are your glasses mended with a strip of masking tape right over your nose?
Do you put pennies in the slots in your penny loafers?
Do you wish you worked for IBM where everyone wore the same
   kind of charcoal grey suit?
Does your bow-tie flash "hey you kid" in red neon at parties?
Do you think pizza before noon is unhealthy?
Do you use the "greasy kid's stuff" to stick down your cowlick?
Do you wear a "nerd-pack" in your shirt pocket to keep the dozen
   or so pencils from marking the cloth?
Do you think Mary Jane is somebody's name?
Is illegal fishing is something only a daring criminal would do?
Is Batman your hero?  Superman?  Green Lantern?  The Shadow?
Do you think girls who kiss on the first date are loose?

 Rate yourself on the nerd-o-matic scale. (1 point for each YES answer)
0-2  -- You are really hip, a real cool cat, a hoopy frood.
3-5  -- There is hope for you yet.
6-7  -- Uh-oh, trouble in River City.
8-10 -- Your immortal soul is in peril.
11+  -- Does suicide seem attractive?
%%
Are you saying "Ni!" to that old woman?
%%
Are you scared?
%%
Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS??  If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Are you still mad I gave a mohawk to your cat?
%%
Are you stoned or just stupid?
%%
Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate??!?
%%
Are you suggesting we betray her?
Oh, yes.
...Alright.
 -- Edmund and Ludwig : Chains
%%
Are you sure it isn't time for another colorful metaphor?
 -- Spock, "The Voyage Home,"  stardate 8390.
%%
Are you SURE it's plugged in?
%%
Are you sure (N/N)?
%%
"Are you SURE that Moriarty isn't planning to kill me?"
  "Of course not... he *knows* you're an idiot."
"Thank God!"
 -- "Holmes" and Watson discuss Yours Truly in WITHOUT A CLUE
%%
Are you sure this isnt a good time 4 a colorful tagline?
%%
Are you sure this is what you saw, Blackadder?
Absolutely. I mean, there may have been a few more armament factories,
  and not _quite_ as many elephants, but...
 -- Cpt. Darling and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Are you sure (Y/N)?
%%
Are you sure you really wanted to know that?
%%
Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?
 No, M'am.     Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat.
%%
Are you sure you won't change your mind?
Is there something wrong with the one I have?
 -- Gillian & Spock,  "The Voyage Home,"  stardate 8390.
%%
Are you sure (Y/Y)?
%%
Are you telling me that's a pussy cat?
Yes, I suppose you could call it that.
 -- Yar and Worf about a Klingon Targ, "Where No One Has Gone Before",
 -- stardate 41263.1
%%
"Are you the cutest thing in all the world?"
"No, but I'm in the top 10"
 -- Michelle
%%
Are you the dreamer or just the dream?
%%
Are you the same person you were ten years ago? twenty?
%%
Are you trying to catch the bird?
%%
Are you trying to determine what is under the floor?
%%
Are you trying to explore beyond the plover room?
%%
Are you trying to get into the cave?
%%
Are you trying to pull a Clinton on me?
%%
Are you trying to somehow deal with the snake?
%%
Are you user-friendly?
%%
Are you virus free? Be sure with URINALIS.EXE.
%%
Are you waiting for your prey?
%%
Are you wearing a toupe or is that a TRIBBLE on your head?
%%
ARF, ARF, ARF ARF ARF!!!
%%
:arg: /arg/ n. Abbreviation for `argument' (to a function),
   used so often as to have become a new word (like `piano' from
   `pianoforte').  "The sine function takes 1 arg, but the
   arc-tangent function can take either 1 or 2 args."  Compare
   {param}, {parm}, {var}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours."
 -- Richard Bach --  Messia's Handbook, Reminders for the Advanced Soul
"Argue for your greatness and that too shall be yours."
 -- Michael Sky
%%
Argue for your limitations and you get to keep them.
 -- Richard Bach
%%
Arguement? No, this is Abuse. You want next door.
%%
Argue only when you have a chance of winning.
%%
Argue with yourself and LOSE???-- PROBLEM!!.
%%
Argument, as usually managed, is the worst sort of conversation, as in
books it is generally the worst sort of reading.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Arguments are extremely vulgar,
for everyone in good society holds exactly the same opinion.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Arguments are lost only to bigots.
 -- Liberal Rule # 3
%%
Arguments are lost only to communists.
 -- Conservative Rule #4
%%
Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
%%
Arguments only confirm people in their own opinions.
 -- Booth Tarkington
%%
Arguments seem futile to me, for behind every argument I have ever heard
lies the astounding ignorance of someone.
 -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941)
%%
Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
 -- Kehlog Albran, The Profit
%%
A rhapsody of words.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
A rhinocerous's horn is made of hair. 
%%
A rich person's joke is always funny.
%%
A rickety wooden bridge extends across the chasm, vanishing into the
mist.  A sign posted on the bridge reads, "STOP! Pay troll!"
%%
ARIES (Mar.21 - Apr.19)
You are a wonderfully interesting, honest, hard-working person
and you should make many new friends, but you won't because you've
got a mean streak in you a mile wide.
%%
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
 You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.  You are
 quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are not very
 nice.
%%
ARIES    March 21 - April 19
You have a great enegry, and are always enthusiastic.  Your
vivaciousness is nauseating to others.  You concentrate on future
success to avoid confronting your past and present failures.  You have
strong relationships with people much younger than yourself.
%%
Aries' ram whenever possible
%%
A right delayed is a right denied.
%%
A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast; but the tender mercies
of the wicked are cruel.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xii, 10
%%
A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you.
 -- Ramsey Clark
%%
A ring is a hole with a rim round it.
%%
A ring of adornment protects against Nymphs.
%%
"A ring of power looks after itself, Frodo.  It may slip off
treacherously, but its keeper never abandons it."
 -- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
Arise, Sir Doctor.
 -- Kamelion, King's Demons
%%
Aristippus being asked what were the most necessary things for well-born
boys to learn, said, "Those things which they will put in practice
when they become men."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristippus, iv
%%
Aristippus said that a wise man's country was the world.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristippus, xiii
%%
Aristocracy is always cruel.
 -- Wendell Phillips
%%
ARISTOCRACY, n.  Government by the best men.  (In this sense the word
is obsolete; so is that kind of government.)  Fellows that wear downy
hats and clean shirts -- guilty of education and suspected of bank
accounts.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Aristodemus, a friend of Antigonus, supposed to be a cook's son, advised
him to moderate his gifts and expenses. "Thy words," said he, "Aristodemus,
smell of the apron."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Antigonus I
%%
Aristophanes turns Socrates into ridicule in his comedies, as making
the worse appear the better reason.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Socrates, v
%%
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle...
%%
Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he
 was twice married, it never occured to him to verify this statement by
 examining his wives' mouths.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Aristotle said melancholy men of all others are most witty.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 3, Memb. 1, Subsect. 3
%%
Aristotle was all wet!
%%
Aristotle was famous for knowing everything.  He taught that the brain
 exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of
 thinking.  This is true only of certain persons.
 -- Will Cuppy
%%
Aristotle was once asked what those who tell lies gain by it. Said
he, "That when they speak truth they are not believed."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases
prove nothing.
 -- G. O. Ashley
%%
ARITHMETIC:
An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.
%%
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
 shoes.
 -- Mickey Mouse
%%
A river flowing through one of our large Eastern cities is so polluted
it is considered a fire hazard!
%%
A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
rosewater.
%%
"Arizona is a rock-n-roll state."
 -- Alice (I want to be your governor) Cooper
%%
ARJ'S BEST, ZIP THE REST.
%%
ARJ there any other reason?
%%
ARJ up your troubles in your old toolkit bag!
%%
Arkansas: Bubble-gum cards are in the Great Books series.
%%
Arkansas figured out a way to get rid of Clinton.
%%
Arkansas people hated Clinton, so they gave US the chance. It worked.
%%
ARKANSAS:
Where the men are men, so are the women and the sheep run scared.
%%
Arkideo: A kid who hangs around video arcades.
%%
Arkytech@netcom.com Operator halted!  Star Trek's on!
%%
Arlington - Home of the Texas Rangers!
%%
Arlo Guthrie does it on his Motorcycle.
%%
Armadillo: A mouse built to government specifications.
%%
Armadillo:  cross between a speed bump and Chili Filling.
%%
Armadillo: To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle.
%%
Armanism:
 After Georgio Armani: an obsession with mimicking the seamless
and (more importantly) *controlled* ethos of Italian couture. Lake
Japanese Minimalism, Armanism reflects a profound inner need for
control.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Arm'd at point exactly, cap-a-pe.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Armed and dangerous, but I forgot where I put it...
%%
ARMED MEN ARE CITIZENS, UNARMED MEN ARE SUBJECTS!!!
%%
Armenians are comical in full battle dress.
%%
Armies aren't known for neatness.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
   Armitage crossed stiffly to the table and took three fat bundles
of New Yen from the pockets of his trenchcoat.  You want to count it?
he asked Yonderboy.
     No, the Panther Modern said.    You'll pay.  You're a Mr. Who.
You pay to stay one.  Not a Mr. Name.
 -- William Gibson, Neuromancer
%%
ARMOR, n.  The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a
blacksmith.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:armor-plated: n. Syn. for {bulletproof}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Arms and the man I sing, who, forced by fate
And haughty Juno's unrelenting hate.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Virgil, Aeneid, Line 1
%%
Arms are made for hugging.
%%
Arms control could mean slapping a fresh boyfriend.
%%
Arms in the hands of citizens (may) be used at individual
discretion...in private self-defense.
 -- John Adams
%%
Arms on armour clashing bray'd
Horrible discord, and the madding wheels
Of brazen chariots rag'd: dire was the noise
Of conflict.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vi, Line 209
%%
Arm the Unemployed.
%%
Arm th' obdur'd breast
With stubborn patience as with triple steel.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 568
%%
Army food: the spoils of war.
%%
ARN: Add and Reset to Non-zero
%%
ARN: a metallic element.  "Mah muscle is as strong as arn!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Arnie: "In my country, we lined all the drug dealers and drug addicts
and shot them in the back of the head."
Fellow cop: "Nah, that wouldn't work here. Too many politicians."
Arnie: "Shoot them first."
 -- "Red Heat"
%%
Arnoldism: Can you open this jar of olives for me.
%%
Arnold Schwarzenegger Stars in "Total Recall of Cthulhu"!
%%
Arnolt devor thosoph teron dubonic bashovisky?
%%
A road map always tells you everything except how to refold it.
%%
A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all Heaven in a rage.
 -- Blake
%%
A robot, concealing the way
His wires fell into decay,
Was outwardly quite
The Arthurian Knight,
But inwardly Dorian Gray.
 -- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
%%
A robot gigantic and grand
For desalinization was planned,
And tested with bales
Of Chaucerian tales
That came out insipid and bland.
 -- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
%%
A robot played chess with a punch,
But died with a hideous crunch
One day when the pawns
Appeared to be prawns
And he gobbled them up for his lunch.
 -- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
%%
A robot was just as inane
As men in misjudging a jane.
He cared not a pin
For virtues within,
But peripherals drove him insane.
 -- G. A. Mason
%%
A robot who cleaned up a flat
Was perfectly programmed for that,
     And washed every dish
 That a lady might wish -
But vacuumed up poodle and cat.
 -- G. A. Mason
%%
A Robyn,
  Jolly Robyn,
Tell me how thy leman does.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- A Robyn, Jolly Robyn
%%
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates
 it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
 -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%%
A rolling disk gathers no mos.
%%
A rolling fat woman gathers no flour.
%%
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
%%
A rolling stone gathers no moose.
%%
A Rolling Stone gathers no moss, but drug convictions are another story.
%%
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 524
%%
A rolling stone is a singing rock group.
%%
A rolling stone is better than a bird in the hand.
%%
A rolling stone makes you flat.
%%
A rolling stone plays loud rock music.
%%
A Roman divorced from his wife, being highly blamed by his friends,
who demanded, "Was she not chaste? Was she not fair? Was she not fruitful?"
holding out his shoe, asked them whether it was not new and well made.
"Yet," added he, "none of you can tell where it pinches me."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Aemilius Paulus
%%
A roofer faces involuntary manslaughter charges after eavesdropping.
%%
A room should reflect its occupant.
 -- Kirk, "Wink of an Eye," stardate 5710.5.
%%
A room without books is as a body without a soul.
 -- Sir John Lubbock, Lord Avebury (1834-1915)
%%
A room without books is like a body without a soul.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
A root is a flower that disdains fame.
 -- Kahlil Gibran (4/10/1883-1931)
%%
A rosebud set with little wilful thorns,
And sweet as English air could make her, she.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part i, Line 153
%%
A rose by any other name would...be something else.
 -- Johnny Hart's comic strip "B.C."
%%
A rose by any other name would likely be
"deadly thorn-bearing assault vegetation."
 -- Robert Bullock
%%
A rose by any other name would still attract aphids.
%%
A rose is a rose is a rose.... ----'--,-{@
%%
A rose is a rose is a rose, but junk is not junk is not junk. It
is never quite what you think it is.
 -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
A rose is not a rose when it's a brick.
%%
A Rose is sweeter in the budde than full blowne.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues and his England, Page 314
%%
A Rotarian was the first to call John the Baptist "Jack."
%%
Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to
 measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you
 imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
Around existence twine,
(Oh, bridge that hangs across the gorge!)
ropes of twisted vine.
 -- Basho
%%
A round friendly person dressed in a monk's robe has entered the room.
He He introduces himself as Friar Truck, and offers you an herb.
%%
A round friendly person dressed in a monk's robe has entered the room.
He He introduces himself as Friar Truck, and proceeds to put a horrible
smelling smelling salve on your wounds. It is quite soothing and heals all of
your your wounds! You have completely recovered!
%%
Around here I'm a very responsible person. If
anything happens, I'm responsible.
 -- Secretary's Lament
%%
Around here, to be nuts is normal, to be sane is stupid.
%%
Around here we do =precision= guess work!
%%
Around you lie the ruins of what was obviously once an enormous
castle. The remains have so degenerated that they blend uniformly into
the forbidding rocks to the north. The beach is visible to the
southeast, and the ground slopes uphill to the south. Another castle
(this one still standing) is visible to the west.
%%
A Royal Egyptian passing wind is a toot uncommon!
%%
A royal train, believe me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's
incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."
 -- Muad'dib
%%
Arrange your life so that you don't have to be present.
%%
ARRAYED, pp.  Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter
hanged to a lamppost.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ARREST, v.t.  Formally to detain one accused of unusualness.

    God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
                                            _The Unauthorized Version_
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Arriving home, they learned that Glenn and Edna Catwomb had been
slain by maniacs.
 -- Beatiful Stories for Ugly Children
%%
Arriving with a large box of paper at a local recycling depot, I was
reprimanded for not separating the paper of color from the white trash.
%%
Arrogance is too often the companion of excellence.
 -- Fox on Power
%%
Arrogant dragon will have cause to repent.
%%
Arrow pointing to the bottom of the door
and the text "Exit for Limbo Dancers".
 -- Seen somewhere in ladies room in Freiburg/Germany
%%
ARRRGGHH!!!! ... (The sound of someone actually learning something)
%%
Arrr, me 'earties!
%%
ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done.
%%
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
%%
ARSENIC, n.  A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom
it greatly affects in turn.

    "Eat arsenic?  Yes, all you get,"
        Consenting, he did speak up;
    "'Tis better you should eat it, pet,
        Than put it in my teacup."
                                                             Joel Huck
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ARSONIST do it with fire.
%%
Arsonists of the world, ignite!
%%
Arson may be someone's way of saying, "I don't like you."
%%
Arson - our daughter's brother.
%%
Art and reality are not two independant domains, external to one another,
 between which we can find only mechanical relationships.    On the contra-
  rary, we must understand that art is something completely real, completely
  material.
 -- Pierre Macherey
%%
Art at its most significant is a Distant Early Warning System that can
always be relied on to tell the old culture what is beginning to happen to it.
 -- Marshall McLuhan
%%
Art can't hurt you.
 -- Fred Babb
%%
Art distills sensation and embodies it with enhanced meaning.
 -- Jacques Barzun
%%
Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see.
 -- Paul Klee, Creative Credo
%%
Art doesn't want to be familiar. It wants to astonish us. Or, in some
cases, to enrage us. It wants to move us. To touch us. Not accommodate us,
make us comfortable.
 -- Jamake Highwater, The Language of Vision
%%
Artery -- The study of fine paintings.
%%
Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed.
%%
Art happens - no hovel is safe from it, no prince may depend upon it, the
vastest intelligence cannot bring it about.
 -- James Whistler, Ten O'Clock Lecture
%%
Art has no other object than to set aside the symbols of practical utility,
the generalities that are conventionally and socially accepted, everything
in fact which masks reality from us, in order to set us face to face with
reality itself.
 -- Henri Bergson
%%
Arthritic bureaucracies don't tame new frontiers.
 -- Paul A. Gigot, WSJ, on NASA
%%
Arthur and his wife Muriel were sitting in their Vauxhall Viva eating their
ice cream cornets.  Suddenly two enormous black birds started to flap around on
the bonnet of the car.    Arthur got out and placed his cornet on the bonnet,
instantly causing the birds to calm down.
 "Well, I've never seen that before," said Muriel.
 "Oh,it's just a case of stilling two birds with one's cone."
 -- Steve Wickham
%%
ARTHUR:    ... and I am your king ....
OLD WOMAN: Ooooh!  I didn't know we had a king.  I thought we were an
           autonomous collective ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:        A scratch?  Your arm's off!
BLACK KNIGHT:  No, it isn't.
ARTHUR:        Well, what's that then?
BLACK KNIGHT:  I've had worse.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR: (as the MAN next to him is squashed by a sheep) Knights!  Run away!
   Midst echoing shouts of run away the KNIGHTS retreat to cover with the odd
   cow or goose hitting them still.  The KNIGHTS crouch down under cover.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:  Be quiet!
DENNIS:  --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR:  Be quiet!  I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN:   Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR:  I am your king!
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR:    Be quiet!  I order you to shut up.
OLD WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR:    I am your king!
OLD WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
 
%%
ARTHUR:  Bloody peasant!
DENNIS:  Oh, what a give away.  Did you here that, did you here that, eh?
         That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it
         didn't you?
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR:          But if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve
                 Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh.  He'd just say it.
BROTHER MAYNARD: It's down there carved in stone.
GALAHAD:         Perhaps he was dictating.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR: CHARGE!
   [The mighty ARMY charges.  Thundering noise of feet.  Clatter of coconuts.
   Shouts etc.   Suddenly there is a wail of a siren and a couple of police
   cars roar round in front of the charging ARMY and the POLICE leap out and
   stop them.  TWO POLICEMAN and the HISTORIAN'S WIFE.  Black Marias skid up
   behind them.]
HISTORIAN'S WIFE: They're the ones, I'm sure.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR: Charge!
   [They all charge with swords drawn towards the RABBIT.  A tremendous twenty
   second fight with Peckinpahish shots and borrowing heavily also on the
   Kung Fu and karate-type films ensues, in which some four KNIGHTS are
   comprehensively killed.]
ARTHUR: Run away!  Run away!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR: Did you say shrubberies?
ROGER:  Yes.  Shrubberies are my trade.  I am a shrubber.  My name is Roger
        the Shrubber.  I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Arthur felt happy.  He was terribly pleased that the day was for once working
out so much according to plan.  Only twenty minutes ago he had decided he
would go mad, and now here he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa across
the fields of prehistoric Earth.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
ARTHUR: Go on, Bors, chop its head off.
BORS:   Right.  Silly little bleeder.  One rabbit stew coming up.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:  I am your king!
WOMAN:   Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR:  You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN:   Well, 'ow did you become king then?
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR:        I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
BLACK KNIGHT:  I move for no man.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR: If you do not open these doors, we will take this castle by force ...
   [A bucket of slops land on ARTHUR.  He tries to retain his dignity.]
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Arthur, I have to tell you something very important over in that pub.
%%
ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.
        King of all Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
   [Pause]
SOLDIER: Get away!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR: I've said I'm sorry about the old woman, but from the behind you
        looked ...
DENNIS: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior...
ARTHUR: Well ... I AM king.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR: Listen, old crone!  Unless you tell us where we can buy a shrubbery,
        my friend and I will ... we will say Ni!
CRONE:  Do your worst!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:   Ni!
BEDEVERE: Nu!
ARTHUR:   No.  Ni!  More like this. Ni!
BEDEVERE: Ni, ni, ni!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:  No, hang on!  Just answer the five questions ...
GALAHAD: Three questions ...
ARTHUR:  Three questions ...  And we shall watch ... and pray.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:       Now stand aside worthy adversary.
BLACK KNIGHT: (Glancing at his shoulder) 'Tis but a scratch.
ARTHUR:       A scratch?  Your arm's off.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
   Arthur pulls Pin out.  The MONK blesses the grenade as ...
ARTHUR:  (quietly) One, two, five ...
GALAHAD: Three, sir!
ARTHUR:  Three.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR: Right! Knights! Forward!
   ARTHUR leads a charge toward the castle.  Various shots of them battling on,
   despite being hit by a variety of farm animals.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:  Shut up!  Will you shut up!
DENNIS:  Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR:  Shut up!
DENNIS:  Oh!  Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
         HELP! HELP!  I'm being repressed!
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR:  Then who is your lord?
WOMAN:   We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR:  What?
DENNIS:  I told you.  We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune.  We take it in
         turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the
        plover seek warmer hot lands in winter, yet these are not strangers to
        our land.
SOLDIER: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere.  Explain again how sheep's
        bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:  Well, I AM king...
DENNIS:  Oh king, eh, very nice.  An' how'd you get that, eh?  By exploitin'
         the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which
         perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society!  If
         there's ever going to be any progress--
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR:  Well, I can't just call you `Man'.
DENNIS:  Well, you could say `Dennis'.
ARTHUR:  Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS:  Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR:    Well, it doesn't matter.  Will you go and tell your master that
           Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
GUARD #1:  Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow
           needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?
ARTHUR:    Please!
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR: What are you going to do. bleed on me?
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:        What?
BLACK KNIGHT:  None shall pass.
ARTHUR:        I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must cross
               this bridge.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Then you shall die.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
ARTHUR:          What does it say?
BROTHER MAYNARD: It reads ... Here may be found the last words of Joseph of
                 Aramathea. He who is valorous and pure of heart may find
                 the Holy Grail in the aaaaarrrrrrggghhh...
ARTHUR:          What?
BROTHER MAYNARD: The Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:      Who are you?
TALL KNIGHT: We are the Knights Who Say Ni!
BEDEVERE:    No!  Not the Knights Who Say Ni!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:  Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court
    at Camelot?!
GUARD #1:  But then of course African swallows are not migratory.
GUARD #2:  Oh, yeah...
GUARD #1:  So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Arthur, You are a knee biter!!
%%
ARTHUR:       You are indeed brave Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT: Had enough?
ARTHUR:       You stupid bastard.  You havn't got any arms left.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ARTHUR:  You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.
         I am Arthur, King of the Britons.  [pause]
         I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me
         in my Court of Camelot.  [pause]
         You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?  [pause]
         You make me sad.  So be it.  Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT:  None shall pass.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Artichokes ... are just plain annoying.... After all the trouble you go to,
 you get about as much actual "food" out of eating an artichoke as you would
 from licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail
 instead.
 -- "Miss Piggy"
%%
ARTICLE NUMBERING IS IRRELEVANT.   ENCOURAGEMENT IS IRRELEVANT.  YOU WILL
 BECOME ONE WITH THE BORG.
 -- Martin F. Rose (mfrose@caen.engin.umich.edu)
%%
ARTIFACT:  Something only an art major would know.
%%
ARTIFACT:  The only true fact in an experiment.
%%
artificial climbing: knack of appearing to climb by talking about it. this
technique is best employed far from actual climbing areas, which tend to be
hazardous. small taverns and pizza parlours with an impressionable clientele
are excellent sites for artificial climbing.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
"Artificial Clothing" by Polly Ester
%%
Artificial food is expensive. Nothing makes steak as efficiently as a cow.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Artificial grass
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Artificial insemination: Copulation without representation.
%%
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of
 the bull.
 -- Actual excerpt from student science exam papers.
%%
Artificial Intelligence? I'll be impressed when they
invent artificial cunning.
%%
Artificial Intelligence is better than none.
%%
Artificial Intelligence is neither -- it consists of quite natural people
programming computers to do dumb things.
%%
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
%%
Artificial Intelligence is too much of one and not enough of the other.
%%
Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones
 in movies.
 -- Bill Bulko
%%
Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.
%%
Artiformologicalintactitudinarianisminist
One who studies 4-5 letter latin prefixes and suffixes.
%%
Artillerymen do it with a burst.
%%
Art, I'll take 'Phoenician Architecture' for 100, please.
%%
Art imitates nature as well as it can, as a pupil follows
his master; thus it is a sort of grandchild of God.
[ che l'arte vostra quella, quanto pote,
  segue, come 'l maestro fa il discente;
  si che vostr'arte a Dio quasi e' nepote. ]
 -- Dante, "Inferno," Canto xi, l. 103-105.
%%
Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist
 does the better.
 -- Andre Gide
%%
Art is a deliberate recreation of a new and special reality that grows
from your response to life.  It cannot be copied; it must be created.
%%
Art is a form of catharsis.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
Art is a jealous mistress, and if a man has a genius for painting,
poetry, music, architecture or philosophy, he makes a bad husband and an
ill provider.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Art is a jealous mistress.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Wealth"
%%
Art is almost always a political statement -- and politics is almost always
an art.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Art is a moral passion married to entertainment.  Moral passion without
entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion
is television.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
Art is an effort to create, beside the real world, a more human world.
 -- Andre Maurois
%%
Art is anything you can get away with.
 -- Marshall McLuhan.
%%
Art is dangerous.
%%
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
 -- Paul Gauguin
%%
Art is I; science is we.
 -- Claude Bernard
%%
Art is like baby shoes. When you coat them with gold, they can no
longer be worn.
 -- John Updike (1932-__), U.S. novelist, short-story writer, poet
%%
Art is long, and time is fleeting,
  And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still like muffled drums are beating
  Funeral marches to the grave.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- A Psalm of Life
%%
Art is long, life short; judgment difficult, opportunity transient.
 -- Goethe (1749-1832)
 -- Wilhelm Meister, Book vii, Chap. ix
%%
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Art is meant to disturb.
 -- Georges Braque, Illustrated Notebooks
%%
Art is much less important than life, but what a poor life without it.
 -- Robert Motherwell
%%
Art is never chaste. It ought to be forbidden to ignorant innocents,
never allowed into contact with those not sufficiently prepared. Yes,
art is dangerous. Where it is chaste, it is not art.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quoted in Antonina Vallentin, Pablo Picasso, ch. 11 (1957)
%%
Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has
experienced.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
Art is not a thing; it is a way.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Art is not the application of a canon of beauty but what the instinct
and the brain can conceive beyond any canon. When we love a woman
we don't start measuring her limbs.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Conversation avec Picasso, in Cahiers d'Art, vol. 10, no. 10 (1935)
%%
Art is not to be looked at - art is looking at us.
%%
Art isn't something you marry, it's something you rape.
 -- Edgar Degas (1834-1900)
%%
Art is permanent revolution.
 -- Jean-Louis Barrault (1910- ), Contribution, Atlas, December 1968
%%
Art is the creation of forms symbolic of human feeling.
 -- Susanne Langer, Feeling and Form
%%
Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions
of his personality to the world he lives in.
 -- Amy Lowell
%%
Art is the difference between seeing and just identifying.
 -- Jean Mary Norman
%%
Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Art is the objectification of feeling and the subjectification of nature.
 -- Suzanne Langer, Mind
%%
Art is the only thing that can go on mattering once it has stopped hurting.
 -- Elizabeth Bowen
%%
Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.
 -- Twyla Tharp
%%
Art is the only worthwhile endeavor
%%
Art is the stored honey of the human soul, gathered on wings of misery
and travail.
 -- Theodore Dreiser
%%
Art is the tree of life.  Science is the tree of death.
%%
"Artistic growth is, more than it is anything else,
 a refining of the sense of truthfulness.  The
 stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only
 the artist, the great artist, knows how difficult
 it is."
 -- Willa Cather
%%
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
%%
Artists are always ready to sacrifice for art, if the price is right.
 -- Gomez Addams
%%
Artists are exhibitionists.
%%
Artists are the antennae of the race, but the bullet-headed many will never
learn to trust the great artists.
 -- Ezra Pound
%%
Artists can color the sky red because they know it's blue. Those of us who
 aren't artists must color things the way they really are or people might
 think we're stupid.
 -- Jules Feiffer
%%
Artists do it by design.
%%
Artists do it in the buff.
%%
ARTISTS do it with creativity.
%%
Artists do it with emotion.
%%
Artists' models make only a bare living.
%%
Art is your fate; don't debate.
 -- Arthur's Laws of Love
%%
ARTLESSNESS, n.  A certain engaging quality to which women attain by
long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased
to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Art lies in concealing art.
%%
Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterson (1874-1936)
%%
Art may improve, but cannot surpass nature.
 -- Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote (1605-1615)
%%
Art may make a suit of clothes, but Nature must produce a man.
 -- David Hume, "Essays: The Epicurean," 15
%%
ART NEWS
The art world was rocked yesterday at the announcement of Professor Hans
Von Fabre of the discovery of a new primary colour. The fourth primary
colour, to be known as hans, will revolutionise art and technology all
over the world. TV News services worldwide have not been able to broadcas
pictures of the new colour because TV sets are manufactured to generate
pictures from blue red and green, but not hans. Electronics companies have
welcomed the new colour, saying it will increase their income by making
everyone go out to buy new TVs and computer monitors. Art critics have
acclaimed hans as being able to bring a new lease of life to the art
world.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
ART, n.  This word has no definition.  Its origin is related as
follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J.

    One day a wag -- what would the wretch be at? --
    Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT,
    And said it was a god's name!  Straight arose
    Fantastic priests and postulants (with shows,
    And mysteries, and mummeries, and hymns,
    And disputations dire that lamed their limbs)
    To serve his temple and maintain the fires,
    Expound the law, manipulate the wires.
    Amazed, the populace that rites attend,
    Believe whate'er they cannot comprehend,
    And, inly edified to learn that two
    Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do)
    Have sweeter values and a grace more fit
    Than Nature's hairs that never have been split,
    Bring cates and wines for sacrificial feasts,
    And sell their garments to support the priests.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Artoo, it worked!  I knew you could do it!
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
Artoo, you're playing the wrong message!
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
Arts and sciences are not cast in a mould, but are formed and perfected
by degrees, by often handling and polishing, as bears leisurely lick
their cubs into form.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
ART's Choked Heart.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Art, science, philosophy, religion--each offers at best only a crude
simplification of actual living experience.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Art should never try to be popular.
The public should try to make itself artistic.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Art-speech is the only truth. An artist is usually a damned liar, but his
art, if it be art, will tell you the truth of his day.
 -- D. H. Lawrence
%%
Art thou an artist, or art thou art?
%%
Art thou there, truepenny?
Come on--you hear this fellow in the cellarage.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
Art was made to disturb, science reassures.
 -- Georges Braque (1882-1963), French painter
 -- Pensees sur l'Art
%%
A rude and boisterous captain of the sea.
 -- John Home (1724-1808)
 -- Douglas, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A ruminating animal chews its cubs.
%%
A rumor has it that rumors are just rumors.
%%
A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.
 -- Richard Armour
%%
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
 -- John Tudor
%%
A rumour has it that rumours are just rumours.
%%
A running mate is a husband who dared to talk back.
%%
A Russian official came up to a factory worker and said, "If you drank a
 shot of vodka, could you still work?" The worker said, "I think I could."
 The official said, "If you drank two shots of vodka, could you work?" The
 worker said, "I think I could." Then the Russian official said, "If you
 drank five shots of vodka, could you work?" And the worker said, "Well, I'm
 here, aren't I?"
 -- Yakov Smirnoff
%%
Aryse ye technoSerfs! Let us seek out the bloated aristocrats,
and roast them in their own juice
upon the fires of righteousness and justice!
 -- Dan, rabble rousing the contractors
%%
ARZ: Add and Reset to Zero
%%
"As a boy he dreamed of being a ship's captain, but
 gave it up when someone explained to him what
 sharks were ..."
 -- Woody Allen
%%
As a candidate for national elective office the most dangerous thing you
 can do is say something during the campaign that the people might remember.
 -- Eugene McCarthy
%%
"As a character in Gore Vidal's new novel, `Hollywood', says: `What we
invent, others reflect.'  The problem is that the only thing
worse than Guns n' Roses is censorship."
 -- The Economist, 12/23/89
%%
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing!
%%
As a confirmed melancholic, I can testify that the best and maybe only
antidote for melancholia is *action*. However, like most melancholics, I
suffer also from sloth.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A sacred burden is this life ye bear:
Look on it, lift it, bear it solemnly,
Stand up and walk beneath it steadfastly.
Fail not for sorrow, falter not for sin,
But onward, upward, till the goal ye win.
 -- Frances Anne Kemble (1811-)
 -- Lines addressed to the Young Gentlemen leaving the Lenox Academy, Mass.
%%
As a criminal organization, the Federal government makes the Mafia
 look like a bunch of purse snatchers.
 -- Kevin S. Van Horn
%%
AS: Add Sideways
%%
A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
%%
A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.
%%
As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit?
There is more hope of a fool than of him.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvi, 11,12
%%
As a dream when one awaketh.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxxiii, 20
%%
A safe sperm gathers no defects.
%%
As a former fetus, I OPPOSE ABORTION!
%%
As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth --
hear both sides and believe neither.
 -- Josh Billings, humorist
%%
As a general rule, the most successful man in life is the man who has
the best information.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
As a goatherd learns his trade by goat,
so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
%%
As a grown person, you should know better than to go around advising
 people.
%%
As a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxiii, 37
%%
As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is
without discretion.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xi, 22
%%
As a kid, I used to have a lemonade stand. The sign said, "All you can
 drink for a dime." So some kid would come up, plunk down the dime, drink a
 glass, and then say, "Refill it." I'd say, "That'll be another dime." "How
 come? Your sign says--" "Well, you had a glass, didn't you?" "Yeah." "And
 that's all you can drink for a dime."
 -- Flip Wilson
%%
As a king he approaches his family.
Fear not.
Good fortune.
%%
"A salamander scurries into flame to be destroyed.
Imaginary creatures are trapped in birth on celluloid."
 -- Genesis "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway"
%%
As a little silvery circular ripple, set in motion by the falling
pebble, expands from its inch of radius to the whole compass of a pool,
so there is not a child--not an infant Moses--placed, however softly, in
his bulrush ark upon the sea of time, whose existence does not stir a
ripple, gyrating outward and on, until it shall have moved across and
spanned the whole ocean of God's eternity, stirring even the river of
life, and the fountains at which the angels drink.
 -- Elihu Burritt
%%
As a lodge in a garden of cucumbers.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah i, 8
%%
As a man can drink water from any side of a full tank, so the skilled
theologian can wrest from any scripture that which will serve his
purpose.
 -- Bhagavad Gita
%%
As a man may be eating all day, and for want of digestion is never
nourished, so these endless readers may cram themselves in vain with
intellectual food.
 -- Dr. I. Watts
%%
As a man of more than average caution, I have never felt absolutely
secure until Evans and Novak have spoken.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.
 -- Calvin
%%
As a matter of cold fact, a lot of people have no use for you because they
can't use you.
%%
As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than
  to create.
 -- Spock, "The Wrath of Khan,"  stardate 8130.3.
%%
As a matter of fact, I didn't understand it all.  Only thing I know is
that it looked good.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle after being briefed
 -- on Space Station Freedom by NASA
%%
As a matter of fact, I like beer.
%%
"As a matter of fact" is an expression that precedes many an expression
that isn't.
%%
As a matter of fact it IS rocket science.
%%
As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.
%%
As a matter of self-preservation, a man needs good friends or ardent
enemies, for the former instruct him and the latter take him to task.
 -- Diogenes
%%
As a member of the world conspiracy, you control your own future.
%%
As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically
reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.
 -- Anita Bryant, 1977
%%
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and
I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
 -- Matt Cartmill
%%
As an artist grows older, he has to fight disillusionment and learn to
establish the same relation to nature as an adult as he had when a child.
 -- Charles Burchfield
%%
As an author, the more sins you confess, the more books you sell.
%%
As androids go, you're in a class by yourself.
 -- Dr. Pulaski to Data, "Unnatural Selection", stardate 42494.
%%
A sand trap on the golf course is a deep depression filled with golfers who
 are in a deep depression.
%%
A sane environment in one in which there is room to be crazy. A crazy
environment is one in which there is no room to be sane.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
As a net is made up of a series of ties, so everything in this world
is connected by a series of ties. If anyone thinks that this mesh of a
net is an independent, isolated thing, he is mistaken. It is called a
net because it is made up of a series of interconnected meshes, and
each mesh has its place and responsibility in relation to other
meshes.
 -- Buddha
%%
As an infant, I had very few hobbies.
%%
"As an old soldier I admit the cowardice: it's as universal as seasickness, and
matters just as little."
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
As an ox goeth to the slaughter.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs vii, 22; Jeremiah xi, 19
%%
As any magician will tell you -- Myth Direction is the secret of a successful
steal.
 -- D. Henning
%%
As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
interested in the basic nature of humor.  "What kind of a sick
perverted disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask,
"that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?" ...
 -- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
%%
As a result of the last Presidential election it has come to our attention
 that anyone can succeed if they learn to have no ideas and a tremendous
 ability toward precise articulation of these.
%%
As a reward, Baldrick, take a short holiday...did you enjoy it?
 -- Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
As a rough rind sometimes covers the sweetest fruit,
so a rough exterior often conceals a kindly and hearty nature.
 -- S. Smiles
%%
As a rule, go with state-of-the-art technology (but don't be first).
 -- Larry Long
%%
As a rule I don't drink--as a habit I do!
%%
As a rule I only study things that suggest music to me...
Recently the character of each planet suggested lots to me.
 -- Gustav Holst
%%
As a rule software systems do not work well until they have been
 used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications.
 -- Dave Parnas, Communications of the ACM (33, 6 June 1990 p.636)
%%
As a rule, there is no surer way to the dislike of men than to behave
well where they have behaved badly.
 -- Lew Wallace
%%
As a student I learned from wonderful teachers
and ever since then I've thought everyone is a teacher.
 -- Bill Moyers, interviews on "Fresh Air", 1991
%%
As Athenodorus was taking his leave of Caesar, "Remember," said he,
"Caesar, whenever you are angry, to say or do nothing before you have
repeated the four-and-twenty letters to yourself."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Caesar Augustus
%%
A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself
and then says them about other people.
 -- Peter McArthur
%%
As a Vulcan you will study it [Romulan society].  As a human, you
  would find ways to appreciate it.
 -- Romulan Commander, "The Enterprise Incident," stardate 5027.3.
%%
As a woman, I find it very embarrassing to be in a meeting
and realize I'm the only one in the room with balls.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Starting from Scratch: A Different Kind of Writer's Manual
%%
:asbestos: adj. Used as a modifier to anything intended to protect
   one from {flame}s; also in other highly {flame}-suggestive
   usages.  See, for example, {asbestos longjohns} and {asbestos
   cork award}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:asbestos cork award: n. Once, long ago at MIT, there was a
   {flamer} so consistently obnoxious that another hacker designed,
   had made, and distributed posters announcing that said flamer had
   been nominated for the `asbestos cork award'.  (Any reader in
   doubt as to the intended application of the cork should consult the
   etymology under {flame}.)  Since then, it is agreed that only a
   select few have risen to the heights of bombast required to earn
   this dubious dignity -- but there is no agreement on *which*
   few.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:asbestos longjohns: n. Notional garments donned by {USENET}
   posters just before emitting a remark they expect will elicit
   {flamage}.  This is the most common of the {asbestos}
   coinages.  Also `asbestos underwear', `asbestos overcoat',
   etc.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
As between the skulking and furtive poacher, who hunts for the sake of meat,
and the honest gentleman shooter, who kills for the pleasure of sport, I find
the former a higher type of humanity.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so
modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
As Bourque's dreaming of golf..."MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!"
%%
As boys do sparrows, with flinging salt upon their tails.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Tale of a Tub, Sect. vii
%%
As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.
%%
As Caesar was at supper the discourse was of death,--which sort was
the best. "That," said he, "which is unexpected."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Caesar
%%
A scallop has 35 eyes.
%%
"A scared psyche is like a used Pinto... you can't
 do anything with it."
 -- David Addison
%%
A scar nobly got is a good livery of honor.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
As cement poured on novelist's grave, the plot thickened.
%%
Ascend: the part of a mountaineer opposite that on which the head is located.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
As ceremony is the invention of wise men to keep fools at a distance,
so good breeding is an expedient to make fools and wise men equal.
 -- Steele
%%
As charity covers a multitude of sins before God, so does politeness
before men.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
As chaste as unsunn'd snow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
As children gath'ring pebbles on the shore.
Or if I would delight my private hours
With music or with poem, where so soon
As in our native language can I find
That solace?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 330
%%
A Scholar asked his Master:
Could you advise me of a proper vocation, Master?

The Master replied:
Some men can earn their keep with the power of their minds.
Others must use their strong backs, legs and hands.
This is the same in nature as it is with man.
Some animals acquire their food easily, such as rabbits, hogs & goats.
Other animals must struggle for their food, like beavers, moles & ants.
So you see, the nature of the vocation must fit the individual.

But I have no abilities, desires, or imagination, Master,
    the scholer sobbed.

Have you ever thought of becoming a salesman?
    . . . the Master queried.
%%
A scholar sent to the United Nations is condemned to attend an eternity
of faculty meetings.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a
scholar.
 -- Lao Tze
%%
A schoolboy's tale, the wonder of an hour!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 2
%%
A school should not be a preparation for life. A school should be life.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
A science is said to be useful if its development tends to accentuate the
existing inequalities in the distribution of wealth, or more directly promotes
the destruction of human life.
 -- Godfrey H. Hardy
%%
A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one.
He would have to ask an engineer to do it for him.
 -- Gordon L. Glegg
%%
A scientist would rather use another scientist's toothbrush than to use
his terminology.
%%
ASCII - a Chinese question
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
ASCII : Ancient deity of telecomputing.
Rumored to bestow vast volumes of data upon supplicants.
Hence the saying  "ASCII and ye shall receive".
%%
ASCII and it shall be given unto you.
%%
ASCII and ye shall RX.
%%
ASCII a stupid question, you get an EBCDIC answer.
%%
:ASCIIbetical order: /as'kee-be'-t*-kl or'dr/ adj.,n. Used to
   indicate that data is sorted in ASCII collated order rather than
   alphabetical order.  This lexicon is sorted in something close to
   ASCIIbetical order, but with case ignored and entries beginning
   with non-alphabetic characters moved to the end.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ascii evalution--    .   :  !  I  L
%%
ASCII is our god, and Unix is his profit.
 -- Benson's Dogma
 -- Gary Benson, inc@fluke.tc.com
%%
ASCII no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
%%
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
%%
ASCII:
        The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would
    become computer literate. Etymologically, the term has come down as
   a contraction of the often-repeated phrase "ascii and you shall
       receive."
 -- Robb Russon
%%
ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
%%
ASCII -- what you do-ie if you don't know-ie.
%%
As clear and as manifest as the nose in a man's face.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 3, Memb. 4, Subsect. 1
%%
As clear as a whistle.
 -- John Byrom (1691-1763)
 -- Epistle to Lloyd, I
%%
As cold as any stone.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
As cold as cucumbers.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Cupid's Revenge, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxv, 25
%%
As confused as a termite in a wood yo-yo.
%%
A Scottish gift: "It's nae use to me, ye're welcome to it."
%%
A scrap of paper flutters in on the wind and falls at your feet.
%%
A SCRATCH? Your arm's off!
%%
As crazy as hauling timber into the woods.
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
A scrum to Ireland, who have their tails up right under the Welsh crossbar.
%%
A scurfy child needs be combed.
 -- Everyday Danish Proverb
%%
As cute as a baby alligator!
%%
As cute as a baby raptor.
%%
...As dead as that squirrel.
Which squirrel?
(Amy shoots, we hear an 'eep' as the bullet hits, and a thud
as the creature falls to the ground)
...Oh, _that_ squirrel.
 -- Amy and Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
Asdjfalsdjflasdjfalkdjflakjdflakjdfa: Command not found.
%%
As down in the sunless retreats of the ocean
  Sweet flowers are springing no mortal can see,
So deep in my soul the still prayer of devotion,
  Unheard by the world, rises silent to Thee.
%%
As dreadful as the Manichean god,
Adored through fear, strong only to destroy.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book v, The Winter Morning Walk, Line 444
%%
As easy as 1, 2, 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510
%%
A second Daniel, a Daniel, Jew!
Now, infidel, I have you on the hip.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A second marriage is when optimism exceeds experience.
%%
A second voice interrupted, cutting off the controller.  "Pleiades, this is
Station Commander Perez.  Prepare to receive emergency telemetry."

"Affirmative."       Teresa swallowed, knowing what this meant.  She felt Mark
lean past her to make sure the ship's datasuck boxes were operating at top
speed.   In that mode they recorded every nuance for one purpose only, so
endangered spacers could obey rule number one of their trade . . .

        *Let the next guy know what killed you.*
 -- David Brin, "Earth"
%%
A secret admirer of Rush Limbaugh?  ...
%%
A secret in his mouth, Is like a wild bird put into a cage; Whose
door no sooner opens, but 'tis out.
 -- Johnson
%%
A secret prize in every call.
%%
A secret.  Shhh.  Keep it to yourself.  Really.  Don't tell anyone.
%%
A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the
vexation of thinking.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
A seedy-looking individual with a large bag just wandered through
the room.  On the way, he quietly abstracted all valuables from the
room and from your possession, mumbling something about, "Do unto
others before...".
%%
A selection from the Taoist Writings:
Lao-Tan asked Confucius: `What do you mean by benevolence and righteousness?'
Confucius said:  `To be in one's inmost heart in kindly sympathy with all
things; to love all men and allow no selfish thoughts: this is the nature
of benevolence and righteousness.'
 -- Kwang-tzu
%%
A self-addressed envelope would be addressed "envelope."
%%
A self-made man will be amazed at the number of alterations made
when he marries.
%%
A self-perpetuating fascist state that will last to the end of humanity.
%%
A self-starting oscillator won't.
%%
A semicolon after the word 'do' or 'then' is probably wrong.
%%
A semi-final is, as we all know, a semi-final - it's the old cliche.
%%
A Semihemidemiquaver gives me a trill!
%%
A semitone flat on the high notes.
%%
As empty vessels make the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit
are the greatest blabbers.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
A Senator, speaking of our current Vice President, whose name shall not be
 mentioned (we don't like hate mail written in crayon!): "I think if you put
 his brain on the edge of a very fine razor, it would be like a BB, rolling
 down the middle of I-70."
%%
As engineers, we try to provide for the future, but our crystal balls
are notoriously cloudy and our ability to predict market trends is
marginal at best.
%%
A sense of decency is often a decent man's undoing.
%%
A sense of desolation and uncertainty, of futility, of the baselessness
of aspirations, of the vanity of endeavor, and a thirst for a life giving
water which seems suddenly to have failed, are the signs in consciousness
of this necessary reorganization of our lives.

It is difficult to believe that this state of mind can be produced by the
recognition of such facts as that unsupported stones always fall to the ground.
 -- J. W. N. Sullivan
%%
A sense of duty is useful in work, but harmful in personal relations.
%%
A sense of duty pursues us ever. It is omnipresent, like the Deity.
If we take to ourselves the wings of the morning, and dwell in the
uttermost parts of the sea, duty performed or duty violated is still
with us, for our happiness or our misery. If we say the darkness shall
cover us, in the darkness as in the light our obligations are yet
with us.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Argument on the Murder of Captain White, April 6, 1830, Vol. vi, p. 105
%%
A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will
keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those
that are worth committing.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and
 achievement.
%%
A sense of shame is not a bad moral compass.
 -- Colin Powell
%%
A sentence well couched takes both the sense and the understanding. I love not
those cart-rope speeches that are longer than the memory of man can fathom.
 -- Fletham
%%
A sepulchral voice reverberating through the cave, says, "Cave closing
soon.  All adventurers exit immediately through main office."
%%
A serious public debate about the validity of astrology?  A serious
believer in the White House?  Two of them?  Give me a break.  What
stifled my laughter is that the image fits.  Reagan has always exhibited
a fey indifference toward science.  Facts, like numbers, roll off his
back.  And we've all come to accept it.  This time it was stargazing
that became a serious issue....Not that long ago, it was Reagan's
support of Creationism....Creationists actually got equal time with
evolutionists.  The public was supposed to be open-minded to the claims
of paleontologists and fundamentalists, as if the two were scientific
colleagues....It has been clear for a long time that the president is
averse to science...In general, these attitudes fall onto friendly
American turf....But at the outer edges, this skepticism about science
easily turns into a kind of naive acceptance of nonscience, or even
nonsense.  The same people who doubt experts can also believe any
quackery, from the benefits of laetrile to eye of newt to the movement of
planets.  We lose the capacity to make rational -- scientific --
judgments.  It's all the same.
 -- Ellen Goodman, The Boston Globe Newspaper
 -- Company-Washington Post Writers Group
%%
A servant with this clause
  Makes drudgery divine;
Who sweeps a room as for Thy laws
  Makes that and th' action fine.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Elixir
%%
A set of pen pals over the years developed a romance which ended when
they exchanged pictures, a photo finish.
%%
A seven day honeymoon makes one weak.
%%
                A Severe Strain on the Credulity

As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest
parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket
is a practicable and therefore promising device.  It is when one
considers the multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one
begins to doubt ... for after the rocket quits our air and really
starts on its journey, its flight would be neither accelerated nor
maintained by the explosion of the charges it then might have left.
Professor Goddard, with his "chair" in Clark College and countenancing
of the Smithsonian Institution, does not know the relation of action to
re-action, and of the need to have something better than a vacuum
against which to react ... Of course he only seems to lack the
knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.
 -- New York Times Editorial, 1920
%%
As ever in my great Taskmaster's eye.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- On his being arrived to the Age of Twenty-three
%%
As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every minute of time.
 -- Mason
%%
A sex change is in your future.
%%
As expected, the victorious candidate in a particularly dirty recent political
campaign, won by a mudslide.
%%
A sex symbol becomes a thing. I hate being a thing.
 -- Marilyn Monroe
%%
As famous as the unknown soldier.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
As far as angels' ken.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 59
%%
As far as can be known, one of the major purposes for the entire State of
 Iowa is to keep Minnesota from sinking and hitting Missouri.
%%
As far as I can see, the greater amount of education which a part of
the working class has employed for some years past, is an evil.  It
is dangerous because it makes them independent.
 -- J. Geddes (1865) [British glassworks owner]
%%
As far as I can tell, you're as guilty as a puppy sitting next to
  a pile of poo...
Charming.
 -- George and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
As far as Racecars go: Bring them on, I'm ready!!!
%%
As far as Saddam Hussein being a great military strategist, he is
neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational arts, nor
is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he as a soldier.   Other
than that, he's a great military man, I want you to know that.
 -- General Norman Schwarzkopf, 2/27/91
%%
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
 certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
As far as the men who are running for President are concerned, they aren't
 even people I would date.
 -- Nora Ephron
%%
As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle
a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.
 -- C. G. Jung
%%
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
 -- Weisert
%%
As Far Back As I Can Remember, I Always Wanted To Be A Gangster.
 -- Henry Hill, Brooklin, N.Y. 1955
%%
As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods;
they kill us for their sport.
 -- William Shakespeare, "King Lear"
%%
As for a camel
To thread the postern of a small needle's eye.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
As for Carter being for registration but against the draft, isn't that
sort of being like for putting it in and not taking it out? Even if it
was possible not to follow through, you'd still be getting screwed.
%%
As for cats being from this planet, I don't think ANY of them are.
%%
As for life, it is a battle and a sojourning in a strange land; but
the fame that comes after is oblivion.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 17
%%
As for man his days are as grass; as a flower of the field so he flourisheth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm ciii, 15
%%
As for me and my house, I will serve the turkey!
%%
As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as
  I ever did.
 -- Robert Benchley (1889-1945)
%%
As formerly we suffered from crimes, so now we suffer from laws.
 -- Tacitus
%%
"As for that," said Waldenshare, "sensible men are all of the same
religion." "Pray, what is that?" inquired the Prince. "Sensible men
never tell."
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Endymion, Chap. lxxxi
%%
As for the basic assumptions about individuality and self, this is the core
of what I like about cyberpunk. And it's the core of what I like about certain
pre-gibson neophile techie SF writers that certain folks here like to put
down. Not everyone makes the same assumptions. I haven't lost my mind... it's
backed up on tape.
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
As for the brandy, "nothing extenuate;" and the water, put nought in in malice.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- Shakespeare Grog
%%
[A]s for the rest of the distance around the inhabited earth which
has not been visited by us up to the present time (because of the
fact that the navigators who sailed in opposite directions never met),
it is not of very great extent, if we reckon from the parallel distances
that have been traversed by us...  For those who undertook circumnavigation,
and turned back without having achieved their purpose, say that they
were made to turn back, not because of any continent that stood in
their way and hinde red their further advance, inasmuch as the sea
still continued open as before, but because of their destitution and
loneliness.
 -- Strabo, Geography, ca. 7 B.C.
%%
As for the size of v7, wc -l /usr/sys/*/*.[chs] is 19271.
 -- Dennis Ritchie, 1989
%%
As for the women, though we scorn and flout 'em,
We may live with, but cannot live without 'em.
 -- Frederic Reynolds
%%
As fresh as morning dew distill'd on flowers.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
As full, as perfect, in vile man that mourns
As the rapt seraph that adores and burns:
To Him no high, no low, no great, no small;
He fills, he bounds, connects, and equals all!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 277
%%
As full-blown poppies, overcharg'd with rain,
Decline the head, and drooping kiss the plain,--
So sinks the youth; his beauteous head, deprest
Beneath his helmet, drops upon his breast.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book viii, Line 371
%%
As funny as a baby playing with a loaded gun.
%%
As funny as a concrete parachute.
%%
As funny as a dead baby joke in a crematorium.
%%
As funny as a one-way ticket to Hell.
%%
As funny as a pay toilet in the diarrhea ward.
%%
As funny as a rubber crutch.
%%
As funny as a screen door on a submarine.
%%
As Gandhi once said, "Holy Cow!"
%%
As Gen. de Gaulle occasionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
As geographers, Sosius, crowd into the edges of their maps parts of
the world which they do not know about, adding notes in the margin
to the effect that beyond this lies nothing but sandy deserts full
of wild beasts, and unapproachable bogs.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Theseus
%%
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
As long as I live, I'll hear waterfalls and birds and winds sing.  I'll inter-
pret the rocks, learn the language of the flood, storm and avalanche.  I'll
acquaint myself with the glaciers and wild gardens, and get as near to the
heart of the world as I can.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
As God as my witness I thought turkeys could fly!
%%
AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I AM INNOCENT
 - But He won't be there at the committal proceedings.
%%
As God is my witness - I am that fool!
 -- Gomez Addams
%%
As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again
 -- Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the wind
%%
As good almost kill a man as kill a good book: who kills a man kills
a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book
kills reason itself.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Areopagitica
%%
As good luck would have it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
A Shade Below Neon: not too bright!
%%
As half in shade and half in sun
  This world along its path advances,
May that side the sun 's upon
  Be all that e'er shall meet thy glances!
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Peace be around Thee
%%
A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
As happy as if he had brains.
%%
As hard as finding a piece of hay in an incredibly large stack of needles
 -- BlackAdder
%%
As hard as you try, the book cannot be closed.
%%
A sharp stick, which appears to have been broken at one end, is here.
%%
A sharp tongue and a dull mind are often found in the same head.
%%
As having nothing, and yet possessing all things.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians vi, 10
%%
As headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
As he brews, so shall he drink.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Every Man in his Humour, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
A shelf of classics for our young adults: Tolkien, Hesse, Casteneda, Kerouac,
Salinger, Tom Robbins, and "The Last Whole Earth Catalog".
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
As he said in Machiavel, omnes eodem patre nati, Adam's sons, conceived
all and born in sin, etc. "We are by nature all as one, all alike,
if you see us naked; let us wear theirs and they our clothes, and
what is the difference?"
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2
%%
ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
%%
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if God won't have you, the devil must.
%%
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
If you don't take it out and use it
its going to rust.
 -- Highlander
%%
As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxiii, 7
%%
A shining beacon in an electronic void
%%
A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for.
 -- John A. Shedd
%%
A ship is always referred to as "she"
because it costs so much to keep one in paint and powder.
 -- Chester Nimitz, Speech, 13 February 1940
%%
A shoal of fishes. Favor comes through the court ladies.
Everything acts to further.
%%
A short horse is soone currid.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
A short letter to the editor published in the Saturday, June 20 1992
edition of the Los Angeles Times:
   I didn't get burned on my last auto repair bill.
   I got Seared.
%%
A short saying oft contains much wisdom.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Aletes, Frag. 99
%%
A short speech is often a good speech and certainly has the advantage of
 being much less able to be a bad speech than a long speech. A long speech
 is often a bad speech precisely because it was not a short speech. One
 seldom need repent of having said too little, but often needs much
 repentence for having said far too much in too many ways too often, all
 within the same speech. If you can't strike oil in ten minutes of public
 speaking, stop boring and admit you have hit a dry hole.
%%
A shotgun wedding is a matter of wife or death.
%%
A shot in the dark = searching for a needle in hay stack.
%%
A shot rang out, "BARNEY" hit the floor.  No more purple dinosaur!
%%
A shower is the halfway point between bed and world.
%%
A shroe! A shroe! My dingkom for a shroe!
%%
As H. Ross Perot said... "I'm all ears!"
%%
As human beings, that is the way it is.
%%
A shuttle craft seems like an unsafe place to be - drink!
%%
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where
 no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the
 accident.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
As I argued in "Beloved Son", a book about my son Brian and the subject
of religious communes and cults, one result of proper early instruction
in the methods of rational thought will be to make sudden mindless
conversions -- to anything -- less likely.  Brian now realizes this and
has, after eleven years, left the sect he was associated with.   The
problem is that once the untrained mind has made a formal commitment to
a religious philosophy -- and it does not matter whether that philosophy
is generally reasonable and high-minded or utterly bizarre and
irrational -- the powers of reason are surprisingly ineffective in
changing the believer's mind.
 -- Steve Allen, comedian, from an essay in the book
 -- "The Courage of Conviction", edited by Philip Berman
%%
As I awoke this morning,
When all things sweet are born,
A robin perched upon my sill
To hail a happy morn.
He looked so young and fragile,
So sweetly did he sing,
That thoughts of joy and happiness
Into my heart did spring.
I smiled discreetly to myself
As I paused beside my bed,
Then quickly brought the window down,
And smashed his little head!
%%
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very
pleasurable---until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
As I bit into the sweet, tangy nectarine, and tasted the juices running
 down my chin, I looked down, and realized that it wasn't a nectarine at
 all, but a HUMAN HEAD!
%%
A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a clean desk.
%%
Aside from traffic, nothing has put the brakes on society quite so well as
 a committee.
%%
As if a wheel had been in the midst of a wheel.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ezekiel x, 10
%%
As if Misfortune made the throne her seat,
And none could be unhappy but the great.
 -- Nicholas Rowe (1673-1718)
 -- The Fair Penitent, Prologue
%%
As if the world and they were hand and glove.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 173
%%
As if we were villains by necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
 -- Evan Esar
%%
A signature short of a book.
%%
A sign for a superintendent of schools was "Bored of Education"
%%
A sign of our times:  "NO RADIO IN CAR"
%%
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black
 forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women,
 live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that
 purpose.
%%
As I grow older and older
And totter towards the tomb
I find that I care less and less
Who goes to bed with whom.
 -- Dorothy L. Sayers
%%
As I have said often enough before, I never repeat myself, and so it almost
 goes without saying that I won't repeat myself again.
%%
As I learn, I know about more things I don't yet know.
%%
As ill-luck would have it.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book i, Chap. ii
%%
A silver tongue, a golden touch, and a mind like a steel trap.
%%
Asimov of Borg: The Three Laws of Assimilation...
%%
A simple yes would have sufficed.
 -- Picard
%%
As in a theatre, the eyes of men,
After a well-graced actor leaves the stage,
Are idly bent on him that enters next,
Thinking his prattle to be tedious.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
As in certain cults it is possible to
kill a process if you know its true name.
 -- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie
%%
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard
 -- Prof. Steiner
%%
A single conversation across the table with a wise man is worth a months study
of books.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
 -- Joseph Stalin
%%
A single fact can ruin a good argument everytime!
%%
A single flow'r he sent me, since we met.
All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet--
One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret;
"My fragile leaves," it said, "his heart enclose."
Love long has taken for his amulet
One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), "One Perfect Rose"
%%
A single has not nearly the value he would have in a state of union.  He
is an incomplete animal.  He resembles the odd half of a pair of
scissors.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
A single idea, if it is right,
saves us the labor of an infinity of experiences.
 -- Jacques Maritain
%%
A singles bar is the gadget that keeps the
one-dollar bills from flying out of a cash register drawer.
%%
A sinking ship gathers no moss.
 -- Donald Kaul
%%
As I said before, "I never repeat myself".
%%
As I said last week, I'll be done tomorrow.
%%
As I said to the man with acromegaly, "Why the long face?"
 -- Steve Allen
%%
As I slide down the bannister of life, I see you as a splinter in my
ass!!
%%
As is the bud bit with an envious worm
Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air,
Or dedicate his beauty to the sun.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
As it comes together, it becomes very hot and you have to drop it to
keep keep from being burned.
%%
As it fell upon a day
In the merry month of May,
Sitting in a pleasant shade
Which a grove of myrtles made.
 -- Richard Barnfield (1574-1627)
 -- Address to the Nightingale
%%
As it flies by it sounds like it is saying the word "MURDOC"!
%%
As it is in the proverb, played Cretan against Cretan.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Lysander
%%
As it must not, so genius can not be lawless; for it is even this that consti-
tutes genius - the power of acting creatively inder the laws of it's own
orgination.
%%
As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks,
Each sack had seven cats,
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks, and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?
(One, myself)
%%
As I was going up Punch Card Hill,
    Feeling worse and worser,
There I met a C.R.T.
       And it drop't me a cursor.

C.R.T., C.R.T.,
 Phosphors light on you!
If I had fifty hours a day
   I'd spend them all at you.

 -- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
%%
As I was going up the stair
 I met a man who wasn't there.
 He wasn't there again today.
 I wish, I wish he'd stay away.
 -- Hughes Mearns, _The Psychoed_
%%
As I was passing Project MAC,
I met a Quux with seven hacks.
Every hack had seven bugs;
Every bug had seven manifestations;
Every manifestation had seven symptoms.
Symptoms, manifestations, bugs, and hacks,
How many losses at Projct MAC?
 -- The Great Quux April 12, 1974
%%
As I was saying, I hate it when people don't finish their
%%
As I was walking among the fires of Hell, delighted
with the enjoyments of Genius; which to Angels look like
torment and insanity.  I collected some of their Proverbs.
 -- William Blake (1757-1827), The Marriage of Heaven and Hell (1790-1793)
%%
As I went under the new telegraph-wire, I heard it vibrating like a
harp high overhead.  It was as the sound of a far-off glorious life,
a supernal life, which came down to us, and vibrated the lattice-work
of this life of ours.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master.  This expresses
my idea of democracy.  Anything that differs from this, to the extent
that it differs, is no democracy.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
As JFK once said: "I am a chocolate covered doughnut."
%%
As Jupiter
On Juno smiles, when he impregns the clouds
That shed May flowers.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 499
%%
Ask a fish head anything you want to.  It won't answer you; they can't talk.
%%
Ask a lot, but take what is offered.
 -- Russian Proverb
%%
Ask a man which way he is going to vote, and he will probably tell you.
Ask him, however, why, and vagueness is all.
 -- Bernard Levin, in "Daily Mail", 1964
%%
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and
it shall be opened unto you.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 7
%%
Ask and you shall receive.
%%
Ask a silly person, get a silly answer.
%%
Ask a toad what is beauty?...a female with two great round eyes coming out
of her little head, a large flat mouth, a yellow belly and a brown back.
 -- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
Ask a wizard for help.
%%
"Asked by reporters about his upcoming marriage to a forty-two-year-old
woman, director Roman Polanski told reporters, `The way I look at it,
she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-olds.'"
 -- David Letterman
%%
Asked from what country he came, he replied, "I am a citizen of the world."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
Asked in rec.sport.volleyball
Subject: FAQ
Ok, I've seen this a bunch of times. What the heck is an FAQ???
%%
Asked what he gained from philosophy, he answered, "To do without
being commanded what others do from fear of the laws."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
A skeleton, probably the remains of a luckless adventurer, lies here.
%%
A skeleton walked into a bar and said, Hi, can I have a beer and a mop?
%%
Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
 one went to Harvard).
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
 -- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855) when informed that his wife was dying
%%
Askin', askin', askin'. Always multitaskin'.
%%
Asking about monsters may be very useful.
%%
Asking a group of scientists to revise their theory is like
asking a group of cops to revise the law.
 -- Barr's Inertial Principle
%%
Asking a Republican Senate and Democratic House to make a law is like
trying to fry a single egg in two pans.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
As King Arthur said: "Some days it all seems so feudal."
%%
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking
a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.
 -- Christopher Hampton
%%
"Asking a writer 'where do you get your ideas' is like asking a butcher
'exactly what DO you put in this sausage'? "
 -- Roy Blount, Jr.
%%
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
 -- Launegmyer's Rule
%%
Asking me, asking me: do you know what love is?
Sure, I know. A boy loves his dog.
%%
Asking PAC BELL for advice is like asking IRS tax advice.
%%
Asking the boss for a rise may not be patriotic,
but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off.
%%
Asking when [Saddam Hussein] will be overthrown is like asking when
the economy's coming back.
 -- An aide to President Bush
%%
Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
%%
As Kirk was hoisting the Cup, Mark & Jennifer said "GO HABS GO!"
%%
Ask me about my extra chromosome
%%
Ask me about my lobotomy.
%%
Ask me about my vow of silence!
%%
Ask me about space hamsters.
%%
Ask me--I'm interactive
%%
ASK ME  I'm shy
%%
Ask no questions and hear no lies.
%%
Ask not for whom the belle trolls...
%%
Ask not for whom the Bell tolls,
and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.
 -- Howard Kandel
%%
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.
%%
Ask not for whom the bell tolls. The answer can be deadly.
%%
Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls.
%%
Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls...if thou art in the bathtub,
 it tolls for thee.
%%
Ask not for whom the tell bowls...
%%
Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you.   But ask what can
 All Employees do for A Group of Employees.
 -- Mike Dennison, in response to an inspirational memo at Ferranti Controls
%%
Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of.
 -- J. J. Gibson
%%
Ask not what you can do for your country,
but what your country's been doing to you.
 -- Avengers
%%
Ask not what your country can do for you. If you do, taxes will go up.
%%
Ask not what your government can do for you, ask what it is doing to
you.
 -- Jerome Kingsbury
%%
Ask not what your residence hall can do for you, because it's broke.
 -- the Stilt Man
%%
As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.
%%
Ask of friends only what is honorable.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Ask others for help and be in debt forever!
%%
Ask parents if they want their sons to be more disposable than daughters
%%
Ask the experienced rather than the learned.
 -- Arabic proverb
%%
Ask the expert!
%%
Ask them to list all 54 flavours, then order vanilla.
%%
Ask them who they'd prefer to meet - Squadron Commander Flasheart
  or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen and
  they'll go for Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop every time...
 -- Edmund : Private Plane
%%
Ask Troi, and do the opposite of what she says.
 -- Jeff R. Lamb, University of Illinois at Urbana
%%
A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on
 being "frank."
%%
A skunk sat on a stump.  The skunk thunk the stump stunk but
the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
%%
A skunk walked by and my odor eaters went berserk with blood lust.  They
tripped me, escaped from my loafers, and chased the skunk up
a tree.  My feet were still hot and sweaty, so I bought wind socks.
 -- Steve Connelly
%%
Ask where 's the North? At York 't is on the Tweed;
In Scotland at the Orcades; and there,
At Greenland, Zembla, or the Lord knows where.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 222
%%
A Skydiver is taken by the gravity of his situation.
%%
Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an
answer.
%%
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Ask your cosmetics company if they have any make-up that is waterproof
and not tested on laboratory fish.
 -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so
 -- J.S. Mill
%%
Ask yourself why the New York subway system, alone among the mass transit
 systems of the world, has maps inside rather than outside the trains. It's
 to force you to get on the wrong train in order to find out where you're
 going ... You decipher the map to discover that the first step in reaching
 your destination is to get off the wrong train at the next stop.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
Ask your sysop for cat on crossnet!
%%
As lacking in privacy as a goldfish.
%%
A slap vs a slog is like a ribbon vs an obi.
%%
A slave has but one master; the ambitious man has as many masters as
there are persons whose aide may contribute to the advancement of his
fortune.
 -- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
`As leader, you should never forget those who are loyal
to you.  You should hold parties for them regularly
and have lots of whiskey (free) for them.  That way, they
get drunk and reveal themselves as the disloyal vermin they
all are in reality.'
 -- Cerebus "On Governing"
%%
Asleep at the switch again?
%%
A sleeping fox counts hens in his dreams.
%%
Asleep in lap of legends old.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- The Eve of St. Agnes, Stanza 15
%%
Asleep, my love? What, dead, my dove?
 -- Shakespeare
%%
A sleeve/button short of a shirt.
%%
A sleveless errand.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. vii
%%
ASL has 15 signs for stupidity; 3 for smart.
%%
A slick talking pirate named Bruce
To steal code, had a plan to seduce
       An Apple II+.
 Now Bruce wears a truss
And was jailed for computer abuse.
%%
As life is action and passion,
it is required of man that he should share
the passion and action of his time,
at peril of being judged not to have lived.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%%
A slight touch of friendly malice and amusement towards those we love
keeps our affections for them from turning flat.
 -- Logan P. Smith
%%
A slip NEVER heard aboard the Enterprise: Welcome a Borg.
%%
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it.  That would make you quite unpopular in what's left
of your unit.
 -- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine,
 -- the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
%%
As long as art is the beauty parlor of civilization, neither art nor
civilization is secure.
 -- John Dewey (1859-1953)
%%
As long as I am mayor of this city [Jersey City, New Jersey] the great
industries are secure.  We hear about constitutional rights, free
speech and the free press.  Every time I hear these words I say to
myself, "That man is a Red, that man is a Communist".  You never hear a
real American talk like that.
 -- Mayor Frank Hague (1896-1956)
%%
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
%%
As long as I don't write about the government, religion, politics, and
other institutions, I am free to print anything.
 -- Beaumarchais
%%
As long as I have you there is just one other thing I'll always need
-- tremendous self control.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
As long as I live, I shall be, myself, no other, just me.
%%
As long as I'm in charge here, there will be no leaders.
%%
As long as its not a  _glass_  eye...
%%
As long as mankind shall continue to bestow more liberal applause
on their destroyers than on their benefactors, the thirst of military
glory will ever be the vice of the most exalted characters.
 -- Edward Gibbon
%%
As long as men are free to ask what they must, free to say what they think,
free to think what they will, freedom can never be lost and science
can never regress.
 -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
%%
As long as people will accept crap,
it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
 -- Dick Cavett, in "Playboy", 1971
%%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%%
As long as the ball stays out of play, it's just eating into
 Manchester United's hands.
%%
As long as the music's loud enough, we won't hear the world falling apart.
%%
As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
The Problem, saving the documentation for later.
%%
Aslong as there are readers,there willbe stories
%%
As long as there have been humans we have searched for our place in the
cosmos. Where are we?  Who are we? We find that we live on an
insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in
some forgotten corner of a universe.  We make our world significant by
the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
...as long as there is a Legion of super-Heroes, all else can surely
be made right.
 -- Sensor Girl
%%
As long as there's sex and drugs,
I can do without the rock and roll.
 -- Mick Shrimpton
%%
As long as the United States Government exists, there is no real
 accomplishment being a humorist.
%%
As long as the world is turning and spinning we're gonna be dizzy and we're
 gonna make mistakes.
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
As long as they spell the name right.
 -- Curley's Law
%%
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
 When
it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
As long as we have some definite idea about or some hope in the
future, we cannot really be serious with the moment that exists right
now.
 -- Suzuki Roshi
%%
As long as we're going insane, we might as well go the
whole way. A mere shred of sanity is of no value.
%%
As long as we're going to reinvent the wheel again, we might as well try
making it round this time.
 -- Mike Dennison
%%
As long as we remain unsure, we are alive.
%%
As long as you can still be disappointed you are still young.
%%
As long as you've lit one candle, you're allowed to curse the darkness.
%%
A slotted spoon holds little soup, but grabs a potato.
%%
A slower system is better than an incorrect one.
 -- Mark Diekhans (markd@grizzly.com)
%%
A slow winter day
 A night like forever
 Sink like a stone
 Float like a feather
%%
As lyke as one pease is to another.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, Page 215
%%
A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate.
%%
[A small difference of opinion on the U.S. Supreme Court in 'Texas v.
 -- Justice William J. Brennan, writing for the majority.
Johnson' 491 U.S. 397 (1989)]
If there is a bedrock principle underlying the First Amendment,
it is that the Government may not prohibit the expression of an
idea simply because society finds the idea itself offensive or
disagreeable.
 -- Chief Justice William Rehnquist, dissenting.
Surely one of the purposes of a democratic society is to legislate
against conduct that is regarded as evil and profoundly offensive
to the majority of people; whether it be murder, embezzlement,
pollution or flag burning.
%%
A small farmer on a kibbutz was talking to a big Texan. The Texan says,
 "How big is your farm?" Well, he says, it's 200 feet by 300 feet. He said
 to the Texan, "How big is your land?" The Texan says, "I could get in my
 car and drive from sunrise to sunset and never reach the end of my land."

 The Israeli said, "I once had a car like that too."
 -- Alan King
%%
A small mind can produce a lot of half vast ideas.
%%
A small mind is a tidy mind.
%%
A small package of value will come to you, shortly.
%%
A small status indicator reads "Transporters have nothing to lock onto."
%%
A small town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't.
 -- Alexander Woollcott
%%
A small velvet pillow lies on the floor.
%%
As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that
all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community
are equally entitled to the protections of civil government.  I hope
ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality.
 -- George Washington
%%
As many men, so many minds; every one his own way.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Phormio, Act ii, Sc. 4, 14, (454.)
%%
As Mark Twain said, "I love Wagner--if only they'd cut out all that damned
singing!"
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A smattering of philosophy had liberated his [Nero's] intellect without
maturing his judgement.
 -- Tacitus (55?-120?)
%%
"As Mayor of Houston, it gives me great pleasure to
 award you this Texas Freedom Award and a gold
 Neiman Marcus charge card."
 -- Foo-fa-raa in "Badger"
%%
As Meander says, "For our mind is God;" and as Heraclitus, "Man's
genius is a deity."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Platonic Questions, i
%%
As men, we are all equal in the presence of death.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 1
%%
As merry as the day is long.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
A smile appears on the faces of most archaic figures, a happiness of
expression seeming to transcend that of human beings.
 -- Francis Henry Taylor
%%
A smile is the sunshine that is a part of life.
%%
A smoker is always attracted to the non-smoking section.
 -- Raj K. Dhawan
%%
A smoking hip hop go go rock 'n' roll jam.
%%
A smoky potion surely affects your vision.
%%
ASM programmers drive stick shifts
%%
As much valour is to be found in feasting as in fighting, and some
of our city captains and carpet knights will make this good, and prove
it.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 2
%%
As my friends will tell you, I have an very good memory.
It just isn't very long.
 -- Keneth Iverson
%%
As my good friend Al Capp told me a few years ago, the best thing to do
 with a confirmed [hotel] reservation slip when you have no room is to
 spread it out on the sidewalk in front of the hotel and go to sleep on it.
 You'll either embarrass the hotel into giving you a room or you'll be
 hauled off to the local jug, where at least you'll have a roof over your
 head.
 -- Art Buchwald
%%
A snail can moter along at about two feet per hour.
%%
A snake lurks in the grass.
 -- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
%%
A SNAP dump is like getting a snapshot of yourself
while hitting a baseball.  You can go back later and look
at what you did wrong so that you can improve.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 5.0 Chapter 5.  SNAP Dumps
%%
A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Winter's Tale
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
As near as I can tell you're not any crazier than the average asshole
on the street
 -- Ken Kesey via R. P. McMurphy "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
%%
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppresiion.  It is in such
twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air--however slight-
-lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
 -- W. O. Douglas
%%
As night the life-inclining stars best shows,
So lives obscure the starriest souls disclose.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Epilogue to Translations
%%
A snip and a snap,
a tip and a tap,
we all just sit writing away.
Programing in a tizzy,
till we all are quite dizzy,
and our brains feel ever so fizzy!
So when it comes time,
to put in a dime,
and type out house to use it!
We palm it all off,
with a smile and a scoff,
and say "we didnt mean to LOSE it!"
%%
As no man is born an artist, so no man is born an angler.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Author's Preface
%%
A soap I could like better than my facial bar? Incredible!
%%
A sobering thought: A century from now what we know as modern music will be
 considered old-fashioned. This thought almost makes one reconciled to the
 possibility that there may not be any twenty-first century.
 -- Frank Sullivan
%%
"A sobering thought, Eileen: What if, right at this
 very moment I *am* living up to my full
 potential?"
 -- Jane Wagner
%%
A social life? What BBS do I download THAT from?
%%
A Social Life???......Where can I FREQ that file from?
%%
A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they
know they shall never sit in.
 -- Greek Proverb
%%
"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves."
 -- Bertrand de Jouvenel
%%
A society that lacks the patience to read, and loses the ability
to do so, is rendered defenseless against its most profound
stupidities.  As an example, consider the ease with which Americans
came to regard a president known for his inaccuracy and imprecision
as the great communicator, and by the tendency of American elections
to give victory to the candidate who can afford the greatest number of
30-second TV spots.
 -- Mike Schmoker
%%
A society that will trade a little liberty for a little order
will lose both, and deserve neither.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
A society without religion is like a crazed psychopath without a loaded .45
%%
A) Socrates was a man.
B) All men are mortal.
C) All men are Socrates.  That means all men are homosexuals.
 -- Woody Allen, "Love and Death"
%%
As of 1992, they'll be called European Economic Community fries.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
As of next Thursday, all terminal input will be line-at-a-time.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, CLU will be flushed in favor of SNOBOL.  Please
update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, C will be flushed in favor of COBOL.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, LISP will be flushed in favor of COBOL. Please
update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, MUDDLE will be flushed in favor of LISP.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, SAIL will be flushed in favor of COBOL.  Please
 update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, TOPS-10 will be flushed in favor of TENEX.  Please
 update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, TOPS-20 will be flushed in favor of ITS.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, Unix will be flushed in favor of TOPS-20.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, you will be flushed in favor of CONNIVER.
Please go away.
%%
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
%%
A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger.
 -- Proverbs 15:1
%%
A soft drink turneth away company.
%%
As of yet there have been no deaths attributed to the killer bees in Texas.
 However, two bees were caught this week planning a murder.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
As old Chaucer was wont to say, that broad famous English poet.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- More Dissemblers besides Women, Act i, Sc. 4
%%
A soldier told Pelopidas, "We are fallen among the enemies." Said
he, "How are we fallen among them more than they among us?"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Pelopidas
%%
A solid rainbow spans the falls.
%%
A solipsist is like the man who gave up turning round because whatever
 he saw was always in front of him: Ernst Mach
%%
A solitary shriek, the bubbling cry
Of some strong swimmer in his agony.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto ii, Stanza 53
%%
A solution is just a problem waiting to happen.
%%
A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for
 happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
A son asked his father for a hundred dollars.  The father said no.  "Oh,
come on dad, be a good support."
%%
As one gets older, one discovers everything is going to be exactly the same
with different hats on.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
As one who long in populous city pent,
Where houses thick and sewers annoy the air.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 445
%%
A song for our banner! The watchword recall
  Which gave the Republic her station:
"United we stand, divided we fall!"
  It made and preserves us a nation!
The union of lakes, the union of lands,
  The union of States none can sever,
The union of hearts, the union of hands,
  And the flag of our Union forever!
 -- George P. Morris (1802-1864)
 -- The Flag of our Union
%%
A song in time is worth a dime.
%%
A song to the oak, the brave old oak,
  Who hath ruled in the greenwood long!
 -- H. F. Chorley (1831-1872)
 -- The Brave Old Oak
%%
A sonic screwdriver is Vodka and orange juice going Mach 2.
%%
A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own
 verbosity, can repetitively reiterate redundant reduplications of
 previously discussed material to the point where it becomes tendiously
 obdurate and almost intolerable.
%%
A soul as white as heaven.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Maid's Tragedy, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
A source is a source, of course of course,
Unless, of course, the source is a curse;
And if, of course, the source is a curse,
Then a termcap entry's required.
%%
A Soviet emigre climbs on a dinner table to change a light bulb. His
          girlfriend tries to put a newspaper under his dirty sneakers.
          ``Don't bother, I'll reach it anyway.''
%%
A span short of a bridge.
%%
As part of Academic Computing's commitment to its Sun 3 users.....
<pause>...<long pause>...<deep chuckling>
 -- Walter Wong
%%
As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500 programs -- a
process that traditionally requires some debugging.
 USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new computer system.
%%
A spear might hit a nurse.
%%
A species that enslaves other beings is hardly superior -- mentally
  or otherwise.
 -- Kirk, "The Gamesters of Triskelion," stardate 3211.7.
%%
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
 -- One Page Principle
 -- Mark Ardis
%%
A speck of dust is in the eye of the beholder.
%%
ASPERSE, v.t.  Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which
one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Asphalt Armadillo
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Asphalt: rectal trouble
%%
Asphault = Proctologist's malpractice insurance
%%
A spider in the trees busily spins a web that covers the trees to the
north.
%%
A spider to the northeast is quite busy blocking the way there.
%%
A spilled drink flows in the direction of the most expensive object.
 -- "The New Official Rules"
%%
Aspiration sees only one side of every question; possession many.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- New England Two Centuries ago
%%
Aspirin is an OK contraceptive, hold it between the knees
%%
Aspirins give me a headache.
%%
A spirit w/a vision is a dream w/a mission
%%
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!
 -- L. Borgia
%%
A sports writer who is not willing to stand by his honest judgement ought
to chuck his job and try something else.
 -- Bat Masterson
%%
A spotless house is the sign of a misspent life.
%%
As powerful but strange.  Very restrictive.
Requires a different mindset and a lot of formalism.
 -- VMS, and the Romulans
%%
As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
A spring wells up at the foot of the mountain:
The image of Youth.
Thus the superior man fosters his character
By thoroughness in all that he does.
%%
A sprinkle a day keeps Bob Morgan away.
%%
As promised, she's all yours, sir.  All systems automated and ready. A
  chimpanzee and two trainees could run her.
 -- Scotty, "The Search for Spock,"  stardate 8210.3.
%%
As proper men as ever trod upon neat's leather.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
As pure as Jim Bakker himself.
%%
ASQME - Anti Silly Quoting Macros Environmentalist
%%
A square with only three sides.
%%
As quick as a corpse.
%%
A squirrel is just a rat with good P.R.
%%
A squirt of milk zooms past and immediately soaks into the ground.
%%
As regards computering, Murphy was an optomist.
%%
As riches and favor forsake a man, we discover him to be a fool, but
nobody could find it out in his prosperity.
 -- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
Assassination has never changed the history of the world.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, May, 1865
%%
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "The Rejected Statement"
%%
Assassinations and Hostage
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 06
%%
Assassins!
 -- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra
%%
Assassins do it from behind.
%%
Assassins do it with extreme prejudice.
%%
Assassins, Inc.--We aim to please
%%
Assault with Battery: Eva Ready
%%
As scarce as truth is, the supply is always greater than the demand.
 -- Humorist Josh Billings
%%
Assembler
  A Formula I race car. Very fast, but difficult to drive and
expensive to maintain.
%%
Assembler lesson #1: POP AX is *not* an electric guitar
%%
Assembler:
One who drops his card deck.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Assembler programmers do it one-to-one.
%%
Assembly language experience is [important] for the maturity and
understanding of how computers work that it provides
 -- D. Gries
%%
Assembly Language, great stuff!
Just like hitting your head against a brick wall, feels good when you stop.
 -- Colin Herbert, Software Development Lecture
%%
Assembly Language: install, insert, attach, connect
%%
Assembly language:
 Language of choice for Scrabble players. allows the smallest and
 fastest routines to be written in five months instead of one. Extra
 points for variable names rich in Q's and Z's.
%%
Assembly line workers do it over and over.
%%
Assembly programmers do it a byte at a time.
%%
Assembly programmers only get a little bit to play with.
%%
Assembly was the first against the wall when the
revolution came--COBOL's next
%%
(asserting that is isn't drunk)
Lister: I am not pished.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'White Hole'
%%
assertion failed: %s, file: %s, line: %d
%%
Asses are made to bear and so are you!
%%
Asset: A very small donkey.
%%
Ass, grass or gas... nobody rides for free!
%%
As shameless as a tabby in heat.
%%
As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / bowl
%%
As she fled fast through sun and shade
The happy winds upon her play'd,
Blowing the ringlet from the braid.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Sir Launcelot and Queen Guinevere
%%
As she lay, on that day,
In the bay of Biscay, O!
 -- Andrew Cherry (1762-1812)
 -- The Bay of Biscay
%%
... as sight is in the body, so is reason in the soul...
 -- Aristotle
 -- Nicomachean Ethics, Bl. I, Ch. 6, 10966, lines 29-30
%%
Assimilate me...tender...
 -- Elvis of Borg
%%
Assimilate THIS!
%%
Assimilation is futile.  You will be resisted.
%%
As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.
%%
As smart as bait.
%%
As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.
%%
ASS, n.  A public singer with a good voice but no ear.  In Virginia
City, Nevada, he is called the Washoe Canary, in Dakota, the Senator,
and everywhere the Donkey.  The animal is widely and variously
celebrated in the literature, art and religion of every age and
country; no other so engages and fires the human imagination as this
noble vertebrate.  Indeed, it is doubted by some (Ramasilus, _lib.
II., De Clem._, and C. Stantatus, _De Temperamente_) if it is not a
god; and as such we know it was worshiped by the Etruscans, and, if we
may believe Macrobious, by the Cupasians also.  Of the only two
animals admitted into the Mahometan Paradise along with the souls of
men, the ass that carried Balaam is one, the dog of the Seven Sleepers
the other.  This is no small distinction.  From what has been written
about this beast might be compiled a library of great splendor and
magnitude, rivalling that of the Shakespearean cult, and that which
clusters about the Bible.  It may be said, generally, that all
literature is more or less Asinine.

    "Hail, holy Ass!" the quiring angels sing;
    "Priest of Unreason, and of Discords King!"
    Great co-Creator, let Thy glory shine:
    God made all else, the Mule, the Mule is thine!"
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
%%
Associate :  Its to caustic for film.
Goldwyn   :  To hell with the cost, if it's a good story, I'll make it.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.
%%
Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.
Run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be
strengthened.  Keep the company of bums and you will become a bum.
Hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check
and dying broke.
 -- Stanley Walker
%%
As soils are depleted, human health, vitality and intelligence go with
them.
 -- Louis Bromfield
%%
As Solid as...: Rocco Gibraltar
%%
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list...
 -- W. S. Gilbert
%%
As someone once remarked to Schubert, "Take us to your lieder".
%%
As some say, Solon was the author of the apophthegm, "Nothing in excess."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Solon, xvi
%%
As soon as an idea is accepted it is time to reject it
%%
As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a
life-or-death situation, the power fails.
 -- Wood's Axiom
%%
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce
and so will my wife.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
As soon as I get to the Naughty Hellfire Club, I'll be debagged
  and radished for non-payment of debts.
Radished, sir?
Yes, they pull your breeches down and push a large radish right
  up your...
Yes, yes, yes, alright sir. There's no need to hammer it home.
As a matter of fact, they do often have to...
No! No!
 -- George and Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise,
human science is at a loss.
 -- Prof. Noam Chomsky
%%
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner
encounters turbulence.
 -- Rogers' Law
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
 -- Davis' Explanation of Rogers' Law
%%
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
 wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had
 to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized
 that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
 finding mistakes in my own programs.
 -- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
%%
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #56
%%
As soon as you are willing to discard observational data because it conflicts
 with religion, you are giving up any hope of ever really understanding the
 universe.   As soon as you pick religion as the touchstone of reality, then we
 have to start discussing how one can demonstrate the correctness of one
 religion over another when different *religions* disagree.
 --   Wilson Heydt (whheydt@PacBell.COM)

The answer is simple: kill the heretics.   History shows us that this is the
 actual solution that competing religions apply -- trial by combat or trial by
 ordeal.  God is the final arbiter.  What a sad waste of human potential it
 has proven to be.
 -- Paul Hager (hagerp@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu)
%%
As soon as you cannot keep anything from a man, you love him.
%%
As soon as you find that your microcomputer is easy to use
add some peripherals you don't understand how to operate.
%%
As soon as you have chosen a subject for a film, you have already made a
 success or a failure.
 -- Billy Wilder
%%
As soon as you mention something...
    ...if it's good, it will go away,
    ...if it'S bad, it'll happen.
 -- The Unspeakable Law
%%
As soon
Seek roses in December, ice in June;
Hope constancy in wind, or corn in chaff;
Believe a woman or an epitaph,
Or any other thing that 's false, before
You trust in critics.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, Line 75
%%
As stated above, the host area of a disk is structured as a vector
of logical blocks.  From a performance viewpoint, however, it is more
appropriate to view the host area as a four dimensional hyper-cube,
the four dimensions being cylinder, group, track, and sector. . .
Referring to our hyper-cube analogy, the set of potentially accessible
blocks form a line parallel to the track axis.  This line moves parallel
to the sector axis, wrapping around when it reaches the edge of the
hyper-cube.
 -- MSCP Basic Disk Functions Manual
 -- UDA50 Programmers Doc Kit manuals, page 4-27. 
%%
As Stephen Sly and old John Naps of Greece,
And Peter Turph and Henry Pimpernell,
And twenty more such names and men as these
Which never were, nor no man ever saw.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Induc. Sc. 2
%%
As still to the star of its worship, though clouded,
  The needle points faithfully o'er the dim sea,
So dark when I roam in this wintry world shrouded,
  The hope of my spirit turns trembling to Thee.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Heart's Prayer
%%
Assume a virtue, if you have it not.
That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat,
Of habits devil, is angel yet in this.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Assume nothing.
%%
Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained
 control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles
 -- Pat Paulsen
%%
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
 -- Wethern's Law of Suspended Judgment
%%
Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
%%
As sunshine broken in the rill,
Though turned astray, is sunshine still.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Fire-Worshippers
%%
As sure as a gun.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Spanish Friar, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
As surgeons keep their instruments and knives always at hand for cases
requiring immediate treatment, so shouldst thou have thy thoughts
ready to understand things divine and human, remembering in thy every
act, even the smallest, how close is the bond that unites the two.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 13
%%
As sweet and musical
As bright Apollo's lute, strung with his hair;
And when Love speaks, the voice of all the gods
Makes heaven drowsy with the harmony.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
As sysop, I *CAN* say, "Computer, end program."
%%
A stage? No, this is not a stage.
%%
A stagnant science is at a standstill.
%%
As Tammie glow'red, amazed and curious,
The mirth and fun grew fast and furious.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
a standardized UNIX will be a broken UNIX.
 -- jason downs  downsj@csos.orst.edu
%%
A standard that no one follows is worse than useless; it is a waste of time.
%%
A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of
obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had
been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3,000
responses about three days after the ad came out.

All from the same person.
%%
A star captain's most solemn oath is that he will give his life,
  even his entire crew, rather than violate the Prime Directive.
 -- Kirk, "The Omega Glory," stardate unknown.
%%
A starship ride has been promised to you by the galactic wizard.
%%
A state from which religion is banished can never be well regulated.
 -- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
A state is better governed which has few laws, and those laws strictly
observed.
 -- Descartes
%%
A statement of fact cannot be insolent....
%%
A statesman cannot afford to be a moralist.
 -- Will Durant
%%
A statesman is any politician it's considered safe to name a school after.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
A statesman is a politician who places himself at the service of the
nation.  A politician is a statesman who places the nation at his
service.
 -- Georges Pompidou
%%
A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
A statesman is a successful politician who is dead.
 -- Thomas B. Reed (1839-1902)
%%
A statesman is what politicians call themselves.
%%
A State Trooper caught a speeder in Tuochumsiah. However, the State Trooper
 could not spell Tuochumsiah properly, so he had to let the speeder go. He
 followed the man and caught him in Ida!
%%
A State which is incompetent to satisfy different races condemns itself;
a State which does not include them is destitute of the chief basis of
self-government.  The theory of nationality, therefore, is a retrograde
step in history.
 -- Lord Acton (1834-1902)
%%
A static hero is a public liability.  Progress grows out of motion.
 -- Richard Byrd
%%
A statistician is one who collects an immense amount of data, studies it
 with extreme care, discusses it with others who know how to interprete
 these things, and then draws his own confusions.
%%
A STATISTICIAN - One who draws a mathematically precise line from
an unwarranted
      assumption to a foregone conclusion.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
A statistician refuses to fly after reading the alarmingly high probability
that there will be a bomb on any given plane. Later he finds that the
probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low. Now
whenever he flies, he always carries one bomb with him.
 -- "I Think Therefore I Laugh", by John Allen Paulos
%%
A statue lies hid in a block of marble; and the art of the statuary
only clears away the superfluous matter, and removes the rubbish.
 -- Addison
%%
A stepping-stone can be a stumbling block
if we can't see it until after we have tripped over it.
 -- Cullen Hightower
%%
Astern: Without humor ... e.g., he was astern son-of-a-gun.
%%
As that great captain, Ziska, would have a drum made of his skin when
he was dead, because he thought the very noise of it would put his
enemies to flight.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
As that the walls worn thin, permit the mind
To look out thorough, and his frailty find.
 -- Samuel Daniel (1562-1619)
 -- History of the Civil War, Book iv, Stanza 84
%%
As the axe entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us."
%%
As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so the curse causeless
shall not come.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvi, 2
%%
As the breeches-buoy swing towards the rocks,
Its occupant cried, "Save my socks!
    I could not bear the loss,
    For with scarlet silk floss
My mama has embroidered their clocks."
 -- Edward Gorey
%%
As the case stands.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Old Law, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
As the caterpillar chooses the fairest leaves to lay her eggs on,
so the priest lays his curse on the fairest joys.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
As the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of a fool.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes vii, 6
%%
As the dimensions of the tree are not always regulated by the size
of the seed, so the consequences of things are not always proportionate
to the apparent magnitude of those events that have produced them.
 -- Colton
%%
 As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on
 reality.  You begin to hallucinate.  You see a telephone...  The
 telephone is next to an answering machine...  You hear a faint
 click and a light flashes on the answering machine...  You hear
 a beep...
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
 -- Art Buchwald
%%
As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray,
I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he
was, and how I named him Flint.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
   As the expected time of birth drew near, the mother-to-be asked her
obstetrician, "Will my husband be permitted to stay with me during my
delivery?"

   "Certainly," the doctor answered. "The father should always be present
at the moment of birth."

   "That wouldn't be a good idea," the woman remarked. "He and my husband
don't get along."
%%
As the expression goes, we spend our youth attaining wealth, and our wealth
 attaining youth.
 -- Douglas Coupland, from _Generation X_ (Tales for an Accelerated Culture)
%%
As the finely honed points of the magnificent bull elk's antlers perforated
his spleen, lungs, and lower colon, Lenny the Grifter wished he had stayed
working the street in Times Square, instead of going up to the Rockies where
this dumb animal had figured out that three-card monte was a con, and gored
him.
 -- Richard Patching, Alberta
%%
As the French say, there are three sexes,--men, women, and clergymen.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 262
%%
As the government of the United States is not in any sense founded
on Christian religion...
 -- Joel Barlow (1754-1812)
 -- Treaty with Tripoli (signed 1797)
%%
As the happiness of the people is the sole end of government, so the
consent of the people is the only foundation of it.
 -- John Adams
%%
As the hart panteth after the water-brooks.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xlii, 1
%%
As the Iron Curtain rusts...
%%
As the Italians say, Good company in a journey makes the way to seem
the shorter.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 1
%%
As the knife approaches its victim, your mind is submerged by an
overmastering will.  Slowly, your hand turns, until the rusty blade
is an inch from your neck.  The knife seems almost to sing as it
savagely cuts your throat.
%%
As the language of the face is universal, so 'tis very comprehensive;
no laconism can reach it: 'tis the short hand of the mind, and crowds
a great deal in a little room.
 -- Jeremy Collier
%%
As the last syllable of your spell fades into silence, darkness
envelops you, and the earth shakes.  Then all is quiet.
%%
As the light changed from red to greeen to yellow and back to red again, I sat
 there thinking about life.  Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and
 yelling?  Sometimes it seemed that way.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
As the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily
said to a niece of King Gorboduc, That that is, is.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
so hard to
figure out how to get the bark on.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
As the purse is emptied, the heart is filled.
 -- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
As there are three of us come on purpose for the game, you won't be
so cantankerous as to spoil the party by sitting out.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
"As the roadies say before the concert, `Let's carve this turkey.'"
 -- Ian Shoales
%%
As the robot reaches for sphere, an iron cage falls from the
ceiling.  The robot attempts to fend it off but is trapped below it.
Alas, the robot short circuits in his vain attempt to escape and
crushes the sphere beneath him as he falls to the floor.
%%
As the saying is, I have got a wolf by the ears.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Phormio, Act iii, Sc. 2, 21, (506.)
%%
As ... the sovereign has no further need for my services this evening, she
  suggested I might spend some time with you.
What a charming suggestion.
She...appreciates the...affection you show me.
Was I that obvious?
Yes.
Well, I've already dined. Maybe you know a good Acamarian dessert recipe.
Does that not please you? Tell me what you want William, I will do
   anything you wish.
Wait a minute.
I don't understand? Don't you want me to give you pleasure?
Not as a servant. I told you I prefer equals.
Even in the matters of love?
Especially in matters of love.
 -- Yuta and Riker, "The Vengeance Factor", stardate 43421.9
%%
As the Swiss inscription says: Sprechen ist silbern, Schweigen ist
golden,--"Speech is silvern, Silence is golden;" or, as I might rather
express it, Speech is of Time, Silence is of Eternity.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Sartor Resartus, Book iii, Chap. iii
%%
As the sword of the best-tempered metal is the most flexible; so
the truly generous are most pliant and courteous in their behavior
to their inferiors.
 -- Fuller
%%
As the system comes up, the component builders will from time to time
appear, bearing hot new versions of their pieces -- faster, smaller,
more complete, or putatively less buggy.  The replacement of a working
component by a new version requires the same systematic testing
procedure that adding a new component does, although it should require
less time, for more complete and efficient test cases will usually be
available.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%
As the ticket inspector on the train approached, Edward Nye
 told his friend, the poet James Whitcomb Riley, to get under
 the seat as he only had one ticket. Riley was reluctant to
 follow his friend's request but eventually did so to avoid
 any trouble. When the inspector reached him, Nye handed
 over both tickets. "Who's the other ticket for?" asked the
 inspector. Nye pointed to Riley, half hidden beneath the seat.
 "It's for my friend. He always travels like that!"
%%
As the timber is fitted to the socket, a white sail abruptly appears on
it.
%%
As the tone echoes through the air, the sorcerer appears in a cloud of
purple smoke.  He says, "Congratulations!  You've obtained a perfect
score!"  He gestures with his hand, and a crowd of cheering munchkins
carry you off to sign autographs.

* * * The end   * * *
%%
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that
 there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
%%
As the troll contacts the murky black waters of the river it
is almost immediately destroyed.
%%
As the warp engines are engaged, the entire ship shudders and groans.
The lights dim and flare again suddenly, as the ship re-emerges into
normal space, thousands of light-years away.
%%
As the white panel slides shut, a tiny drawer pops out of the
side of the box. The contents of the drawer fall on the ground,
and the drawer slides shut just as quickly.
%%
As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
%%
As they use to say, spick and span new.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lviii
%%
As thick as two short planks.
%%
As this is not a real signature,
the opinions above may not even be mine.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
As those persons who despair of ever being rich make little account
of small expenses, thinking that little added to a little will never
make any great sum.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Man's Progress in Virtue
%%
As though a rose should shut and be a bud again.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- The Eve of St. Agnes, Stanza 27
%%
As though there were a tie
And obligation to posterity.
We get them, bear them, breed, and nurse:
What has posterity done for us.
That we, lest they their rights should lose,
Should trust our necks to gripe of noose?
 -- John Trumbull (1750-1831)
 -- McFingal, Canto ii, Line 121
%%
As threshing separates the wheat from the chaff, so does affliction
purify virtue.
 -- Richard E. Burton
%%
As thy days, so shall thy strength be.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Deuteronomy xxxiii, 25
%%
A stiff neck usually supports an empty head.
%%
A still, small voice.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings xix, 12
%%
A still-soliciting eye, and such a tongue
As I am glad I have not.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
A Still Tongue Keeps a Happy Life.
%%
As time passes, the decision which faces most of us is whether to lose
 weight, or gain it so that the wrinkles don't show so much.
%%
A sting, and honey, and a body small.
%%
A stitch in nine saves time.
%%
A stitch in time...keeps the magazine together.
%%
A stitch in time...oops...rats, ripping, ripping, ripping!
%%
A stitch in time saves embarassing exposure...
%%
A stitch in time saves enbarrassment.
%%
A stitch in time saves nine.
%%
A stitch in time saves nine, but a cross-stitch save twelve.
%%
A stitch in time will ruin your clock.
%%
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
%%
A stockbroker catches his wife in bed with another man. He says to her,
 "What's going on here?" She says, "Believe it or not, John, I've gone
 public!"
 -- Henny Youngman
%%
A STOIC brings the baby; a CYNIC is where you wash it.
%%
A stoic of the woods,--a man without a tear.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Gertrude of Wyoming, Part i, Stanza 23
%%
As to Jesus of Nazareth...I think the system of Morals and his Religion,
as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see;
but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have,
with most of the present Dissenters in England, some doubts as to his
divinity.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
A stone was placed at a ford in a river with the inscription:
 "When this stone is covered it is dangerous to ford here."
%%
A stoppered glass flask with skull-and-crossbones markings is here.
The flask is filled with some clear liquid.
%%
As to the idea that advertising motivates people, remember the Edsel.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
AST: past tense of the verb, to ask.  "Who ast yew?"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points. This is
 usually true, unless of course, you miss your exit.
%%
Astrakhan: The covert art of observing beauty in motion.
%%
A "strange coincidence," to use a phrase
By which such things are settled nowadays.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto vi, Stanza 78
%%
A strange malaise suddenly afflicts you.  You shiver with chill, and
your muscles seem to turn to putty; everything around you becomes grey
and unreal.  The fit quickly passes, and you find that your body has
degenerated back to what it was like before you ate the spinach.
%%
A strange new way to show affection.
%%
A stranger at your gate is grateful for the hospitality of your house.
%%
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
 -- O'Henry
%%
[Astrology is] 100 percent hokum, Ted.  As a matter of fact, the first edition
of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, written in 1771 -- 1771! -- said that this
belief system is a subject long ago ridiculed and reviled.  We're dealing with
beliefs that go back to the ancient Babylonians.  There's nothing there....
It sounds a lot like science, it sounds like astronomy.  It's got technical
terms.  It's got jargon.  It confuses the public....The astrologer is quite
glib, confuses the public, uses terms which come from science, come from
metaphysics, come from a host of fields, but they really mean nothing.  The
fact is that astrological beliefs go back at least 2,500 years.  Now that
should be a sufficiently long time for astrologers to prove their case.  They
have not proved their case....It's just simply gibberish.  The fact is, there's
no theory for it, there are no observational data for it.  It's been tested
and tested over the centuries.  Nobody's ever found any validity to it at
all.  It is not even close to a science.  A science has to be repeatable, it
has to have a logical foundation, and it has to be potentially vulnerable --
you test it.  And in that astrology is really quite something else.
 -- Astronomer Richard Berendzen, President, American University,
 -- on ABC News "Nightline," May 3, 1988
%%
Astrology is a crock.  Fortune cookies, on the other hand, are usually
right.
%%
Astrology is a disease, not a science.
%%
Astrology is God's science.
%%
Astrology is the sheerest hokum.  This pseudoscience has been around
since the day of the Chaldeans and Babylonians.  It is as phony as
numerology, phrenology, palmistry, alchemy, the reading of tea leaves,
and the practice of divination by the entrails of a goat.  No serious
person will buy the notion that our lives are influenced individually by
the movement of distant planets.  This is the sawdust blarney of the
carnival midway.
 -- James J. Kilpatrick, Universal Press Syndicate
%%
Astrology... just a bunch of Taurus.
%%
Astrology? We Aries don't believe in that crap.
%%
Astronauts are out to launch.
%%
Astronauts do it in orbit.
%%
Astronauts do it on re-entry.
%%
Astronauts do it on the moon.
%%
Astronaut:  Whirled traveler...
%%
A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I
advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives
boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind. Games played with the
ball and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no
character on the mind. Let your gun, therefore, be the constant companion
of your walks.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
 -- Encyclopedia of Thomas Jefferson, 318 (Foley, Ed. reissued 1967)
%%
A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
bad measures.
 -- Daniel Webster
%%
A strong memory is generally coupled with infirm judgment.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
A strong nor'-wester 's blowing, Bill!
  Hark! don't ye hear it roar now?
Lord help 'em, how I pities them
  Unhappy folks on shore now!
 -- William Pitt (-1840)
 -- The Sailor's Consolation
%%
ASTRONOMERS can't do it with the lights on
%%
Astronomers do it all night long.
%%
ASTRONOMERS do it from light-years away
%%
Astronomers do it in the dark.
%%
Astronomers do it under the stars.
%%
ASTRONOMERS do it whenever they can find a hole in the clouds
%%
Astronomers do it while gazing at Uranus.
%%
ASTRONOMERS do it with big bang
%%
ASTRONOMERS do it with heavenly bodies
%%
Astronomers do it with long tubes.
%%
Astronomers do it with stars.
%%
ASTRONOMERS do it with their telescopes
%%
Astronomers See Death Star Thirty Eight Light-Years Away,
And Coming Our Way.
%%
Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards and leads us from this world to
another.
 -- Plato, The Republic. Book VII. 529
%%
Astronomy: The anatomy and physiology of our universe.
%%
Astrophysicans try to cure sick stars.
%%
ASTROPHYSICISTS do it with a Big Bang
%%
Astrophysics:  The study of George Jetson's dog in motion on a treadmill.
%%
As true as I live.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Family of Love, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
A student asked the master for help... does this program run from the
Workbench? The master grabbed the mouse and pointed to an icon. "What is
this?" he asked. The student replied "That's the mouse". The master pressed
control-Amiga-Amiga and hit the student on the head with the Amiga ROM Kernel
Manual.
 -- Amiga Zen Master Peter da Silva
%%
A student, in hopes of understanding the Lambda-nature, came to
Greenblatt.  As they spoke a Multics system hacker walked by.  "Is it
true", asked the student, "that PL-1 has many of the same data types as
Lisp".  Almost before the student had finished his question, Greenblatt
shouted, "FOO!", and hit the student with a stick.
 -- AI koan
%%
A student said to the chief monk, "Help me to
 pacify my mind!"

 The chief monk said, "Bring your mind over here and
 I will pacify it."

 The student said, "But I don't know where my mind is!"
 The monk replied, "Then I have already pacified it."
%%
A student who changes the course of history is probably just taking an exam.
%%
A studious professor named Nestor
Bet a whore all his books that he could best her.
  But she drained out his balls
 And skipped up the walls,
Beseeching poor Nestor to rest her.
%%
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is
 last year.
 -- Marty Allen
%%
A study of the science of technology defines what is possible; a
study of the economics of technology establishes which of the
possibilities is practical and useful.
 -- Montgomery Phister
%%
A stumble may prevent a fall.
%%
A submarine will move through the water most efficiently if it
is 10 to 13 times as long as it is wide.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
A successful American spends more supporting the government than a family.
%%
A successful executive is one who can delegate all the
responsibility, shift all the blame, and appropriate all
the credit.
%%
A successful man is one who can make enough money so that his wife can
 spend all she wants. A successful women is a woman who can find such a man.
%%
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with
the same person.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
A successful person is one who went ahead and did the thing the rest
of us never quite got around to.
%%
A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
 -- S. C. Johnson
%%
A successful symposium depends on the ratio of meeting to eating.
%%
A successful work of art is not one which resolves contradictions in a
spurious harmony, but one which expresses the idea of harmony negatively by
embodying the contradictions, pure and uncompromised, in its innermost
structure.
 -- Theodore Adorno
%%
As U C, I have a fetish for abbr.'s!
%%
A sucker's groan is music to a gambler's ear.
 -- Sgt.Bilko
%%
A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #12
%%
A sudden thought strikes me,--let us swear an eternal friendship.
 -- J. Hookham Frere (1769-1846)
 -- The Rovers, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
A suicidal blonde is one who dyed by her own hand.
%%
A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil
conscience of their parents.
 -- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
"As undergraduates, you realize that cleaning is very cost-ineffective, and why
would you bother?"
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
A sunny temper gilds the edges of life's blackest cloud.
 -- Guthrie
%%
A supercomputer is a computer one order of magnitude less powerful
than is needed to solve the problems we have right now.
%%
A superior man modest about his modesty
May cross the great water.
Good fortune.
%%
A superior man of modesty and merit
Carries things to conclusion.
Good fortune.
%%
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
%%
A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time.
 -- George Iles
%%
A surefire way to get unwanted guests to leave is the threat of showing
 family pictures taken by an 8 mm camera by someone who never handled the
 thing before.
%%
A surprised Data is propositioned by the E's Computer.
%%
A surprise drug test will really piss you off.
%%
A survey has shown that the most popular form of holiday is a three
 year arts degree.
%%
"A survey is being made of this":  We need more time to think of an answer.
 -- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
A suspicious parent makes an artful child.
 -- Haliburton
%%
As usual, should you or any of your associates be apprehended, the secretary
will disavow any knowlege of your activities.
This recording will self-destruct in five seconds.
%%
As usual there's a great woman behind every idiot.
%%
As war and government prove, insanity is the most contagious of diseases.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
As water spilt on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel xiv, 14
%%
As we all know, a high school drop-out has very poor job prospects.
The best he can hope for is to become Prime Minister of the United
Kingdom.
 -- Jim Tubman
%%
As we anarchists say: "There's no government like no government."
 -- D'Arcy J. M. Cain (darcy@druid)
%%
As we ascend the social ladder, viciousness wears a thicker mask.
 -- Erich Fromm
%%
As we enter the New Year, newspapers across the country are running
lists of what is in and what is out for 1992.

In my local paper, the "in" column included Pee Wee Herman.

It is amazing what a little exposure wil do for some peoples career.
%%
A sweet attractive kinde of grace,
A full assurance given by lookes,
Continuall comfort in a face
The lineaments of Gospell bookes.
 -- Mathew Roydon (c. 1586)
 -- An Elegie; or Friend's Passion for his Astrophill
%%
A sweet disorder in the dress
Kindles in clothes a wantonness.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- Delight in Disorder
%%
As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
 -- Robert Quillen
%%
As we know, the value of pi is a transcendental figure without
  resolution.
 -- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold," stardate 3615.4.
%%
As well expect Nature to answer to your human values as to come into your
house and sit in a chair.
 -- Henry Beston, The Outermost House
%%
As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
"As we walked deeper and deeper into that musty old house, I kept asking
 myself - Marshall, why are you such a bone head."
 -- Marshall, "The Dead Letter", Eerie Indiana
%%
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch For Rocks."  Marta said it
 should read "Watch For PRETTY Rocks."  I told her she should write in her
 suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a
 joke---just to get out of writing a simple letter!  And I thought I was lazy!
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
As when in Cymbrian plaine
An heard of bulles, whom kindly rage doth sting,
Doe for the milky mothers want complaine,
And fill the fieldes with troublous bellowing.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto viii, St. 11
%%
As when, O lady mine!
With chiselled touch
The stone unhewn and cold
Becomes a living mould.
The more the marble wastes,
The more the statue grows.
 -- Michelangelo (1474-1564)
 -- Sonnet
%%
As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such things as a free
 variable."
%%
As with liberty, the price of leanness is eternal vigilance.
 -- Gene Brown
%%
As with most fine things, chocolate has its season.  There is a simple
memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time
to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A,
E, or U is the proper time for chocolate.
 -- Sandra Boynton, "Chocolate: The Consuming Passion"
%%
As yet a child, nor yet a fool to fame,
I lisp'd in numbers, for the numbers came.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 127
%%
A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the
remark, "You should make a point of trying every experience
once, excepting incest and folk dancing."
 -- Sir Arnold Bax
%%
A symphony must be like the world. It must contain everything.
 -- Gustav Mahler
%%
Async Data Registers 0x%x 0x%x
%%
Async Error Register %b size = %d
%%
Asynch:   A place to wash dishes.
Bisynch:  Farewell to the dish washing place.
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Asynchronous inputs are at the root of our race problems.
 -- D. Winker and F. Prosser
%%
Asynchronous memory error, ctx = 0x%x, virt addr = 0x%x
%%
async memory error
%%
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you
first thought of.
 -- Burt Bacharach
%%
As you already know, many people find it condescending to be
informed that they already know something.
%%
"As you approach 4.0, study time approaches infinity."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
As you are old and reverend, you should be wise.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
As you are, so shall you wish. As you wish, so shall it be.
%%
As you attempt to move, the light becomes so bright that you are
blinded momentarily and can't go on.
%%
As you believe, so it is for you.
 -- Richard Bach
%%
As you enter the mine a rather burly man approaches you
and exclaims, "Great to see someone else stumble into
this God (sic) forsaken hole. I came here 12 years ago
and lost my boat. This mine has the greatest gem hordes
ever encountered. There will easily be enough for both of
us but first I have 12 years of exploring to show you.
I am not quite as eccentric as I seem but its been so
long since I have had anyone to talk to. Come on and I
will show you what there is to see here". He leaves by
a door to the southeast. There is another door to the
northeast and the entrance behind you to the west.
%%
As you enter, your compass starts spinning wildly.
%%
As you face the side opposite the entrance, two short sides of
carved and polished wood are to your left and right.  The left panel
is mahogany, the right pine.  The wall you face is red on its left
half and black on its right.  On the entrance side, the wall is white
opposite the red part of the wall it faces, and yellow opposite the
black section.    The painted walls are at least twice the length of
the unpainted ones.  The ceiling is painted blue.
%%
As you fall you see before you what seems like
an infinite congerie of iridescent bubbles.
You have met Yog Sothoth!!!
%%
As you finish this maneuver the scene in front of you
appears to waver slightly.
%%
As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
 -- Carrie Fisher
%%
As you go the way of life you will see a great chasm.
 Jump.
 It is not as wide as you think.
 -- Native American advice
%%
As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the
things you didn't do.
 -- Zachary Scott
%%
As you hit the water you slowly realize that you are undergoing
a most drastic change. It appears that the water was perhaps a
bit more caustic than you initially anticipated. You watch in
agony as the flesh is stripped from your bones.
%%
As you humans say, I'm all ears!
 -- Ferengi, "The Battle", stardate 41723.9
%%
As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would
interfere with flight.  [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the
Wright Brothers.  They were watching birds one day, trying to figure
out how to get their crude machine to fly, when suddenly it dawned on
Wilbur.  "Orville," he said, "all we have to do is remove the sexual
organs!"  You should have seen their original design.]  As a result,
birds are very, very difficult to arouse sexually.  You almost never
see an aroused bird.  So when they want to reproduce, birds fly up and
stand on telephone lines, where they monitor telephone conversations
with their feet.  When they find a conversation in which people are
talking dirty, they grip the line very tightly until they are both
highly aroused, at which point the female gets pregnant.
 -- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should Know"
%%
As you know, death is my bread and danger my butter.  No, danger is my
bread and death is my butter.  No, danger is my, death is, no, no wait,
sorry, death and danger are my various breads and various butters.
 -- Woody Allen, "What's Up, Tiger Lily?"
%%
As you know, I planned a trip out there for some time, so it fits in
very nicely.
 -- President George Bush, on his trip to LA after the riots
%%
As you leave, the door swings shut.
%%
As you look on, the troll manages to munge himself with an
astounding display of ineptitude.
%%
As you move, the light about you changes color abruptly.
%%
As you pick up the rusty knife, your sword gives a single pulse
of blinding blue light.
%%
As you plummet towards the rocky ground below, the Necromancer's
horrid laughter is heard echoing off the prison walls, and you find
yourself yourself . . . .
%%
As you pronounce the formula on it, the scroll disappears.
%%
As you pull the lever, your view of the surroundings quickly
disintegrates.    when your vision returns, you find that you're no longer
where you used to be.
%%
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important
that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much
money. What's important is that you continue to do so.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist
 -- Quoting his Samoan Attorney
%%
As your Doctor I advise you to drink heavily.
%%
As you reach for the sphere, an iron cage falls from the ceiling
to entrap you.        To make matters worse, poisonous gas starts coming
into the room.
%%
As you reach for the web, a venomous spider appears.  Unable to pull
your hand away in time, the spider promptly, but politely, bites you.
The venom takes affect quickly causing your lips to turn plaid along
with your complexion.  You become dazed, and in your stupor you fall
from the limbs of the tree.  Snap!  Your head falls off and rolls all
over the ground.  The instant before you croak, you hear the whoosh of
a vacuum being filled by the air surrounding your head.  Worse yet, the
spider is suing you for damages.
%%
As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
%%
As you step gingerly onto the bridge, it creaks and sways dangerously.
very slowly, you make it across.
%%
As you stroll through life always remember: HELL SUCKS!
%%
As you think, so will you be.
%%
As you try, your hand seems to go through it.
%%
As you walk around the floor sounds hollow.
%%
As you wish, so be it.
%%
A Sysop on RIME tells me to page him anytime! ... Loves it
%%
A sysop's husband is a lonely one ...
%%
A SysOp's Mind is a terrible thing to waste.
%%
A Sysop's telephone bill knows no bounds.
%%
A sysop's wife is a lonely one ...
%%
"A system admin's life is a sorry one.  The only advantage he has over
Emergency Room doctors is that malpractice suits are rare.  On the other
hand, ER doctors never have to deal with patients installing new versions
of their own innards!"
 -- Michael O'Brien
%%
A system meant for common use should rarely need uncommon knowledge.
 -- Redford
%%
A system of economy is good when ... the farmer, the manufacturer, and the
 trader enjoy the full liberty of their property, their production, and their
 industry.
 -- Eschasseriaux
%%
A system tends to grow in terms of complexity rather than of simplification,
until the resulting unreliability becomes intolerable.
 -- Tom Gibb
%%
As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
%%
"At 100,000 feet up, you're talking serious, _serious_ long underwear and
oxygen."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
At 15 sex isn't what it will be.
%%
At 19, everything is possible; tomorrow looks friendly.
%%
At 2400 baud, no one can hear you scream.
%%
At 34 nobody will feel the heat more than him.
%%
At 49, Layton Kor is a phenomenon. Strong as an ox, quick on the trail,
and fast on rock, Kor stills bursts with an impatient restlessness. With little
difficulty I can picture him 20 years ago--truly he must have been an
unstoppable force. Backing off a climb just wasn't an option; human failure
(never his own) or failure because of the weather, those terms of defeat he
could occasionally accept.
 -- "The book of KOR", by Ed Webster, 20th Anniversary issue of Climbing
%%
At 50 everyone has the face he deserves.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950), "Journals", 1949
%%
At a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best and
that fits is the one not on sale.
%%
A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does
a man need to be happy?
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
A table of contents has no drawers.
%%
At a blood bank: "Donate now! Don't let us be caught with our pints down!".
%%
A taboo is someone else's rule about what you may or may not do with your own
body.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals.  If you have any suitable
 food, give it to the guard on duty.
%%
 At a car wash -  "_OUCHLESS CAR WASH SYSTEM"
 At a Wendy's -  "NOW HIRING FULL TIME _LOSERS"
 -- Signs with one letter missing
%%
AT: Accumulate Trivia
%%
At a cocktail party the other night I looked across a crowded room and
was half taken by a stranger, in half profile, a handsome, terribly
young-looking man with a halo of backlighted curls.  And then he turned
and I realized that it was the stranger I am married to, the
beneficiary on my insurance policy, the sport jacket, the love of my
life.
 -- Ann Quindlen
%%
     At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to
another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to
lawyers for our experiments?"
     "Really?"    the other replied, "Why did you switch?"
     "Well, for two reasons.  First we found that lawyers are far more
plentiful, and second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to
them."
%%
At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but
 not too wisely.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
At a gas station, ASK ATTENDANT FOR HOSE.
%%
A Tagline a day keeps viruses away!
%%
A tagline goes where?
%%
A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents.
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotions.
%%
A tailor tucks up frills. Dr. Bashir...
%%
A talent is formed in stillness, a character in the world's torrent.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
A talent which does not daily increase,daily diminishes
%%
A Tale of Two Zities
 -- Dickens's cookbook
%%
At all ages you are certain you still have another year.
%%
At all banquets and public functions involving food and talk, an expert is
 employed to place the microphone too low for tall people, too high for
 short people and just enough distance from where the speaker will be so
 that a good solid hum will occur. A real expert can increase this hum just
 as the main speaker begins his or her address. Immediate adjustments will
 be made and the speaker will be unable to be heard and everyone will go
 home unhappy, but not nearly as unhappy as they would be if they had heard
 what the main speaker really had to say!
%%
A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
%%
At all times, for any task, you have not got enough done today.
 -- Grinnell's Law of Labor Laxity
%%
At all times there must be at least 12 men named Johnson in the NBA.
%%
A tall, warm one for the Sysop, Tarbender.
%%
At a nude wedding, everyone can see who the best man is.
%%
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the
aisle arrive last.
 -- Breda's Rule
%%
At any given moment, an arrow must be either where it is or where it is
 not. But obviously it cannot be where it is not. And if it is where
 it is, that is equivalent to saying that it is at rest.
 -- Zeno's paradox of the moving (still?) arrow
%%
At any given moment, a society contains a certain amount of accumulated
and accruing aggressiveness. If more than twenty-one years elapse
without this aggressiveness being directed outward, in a popular
war against other countries, it turns inward, in social unrest, civil
disturbances, and political disruption.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
 -- Barry Bruce-Briggs
%%
At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members,
attorneys, and businessmen, as well as congressmen, senators, and governors,
are all dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them, will make it.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
At any public relations luncheon, the quality of the food is inversely
related to the quality of the information.
 -- Earl Ubell
%%
At any time, at any place, our snipers can drop you.
Have a nice day.
%%
At a party, a snobbish gentleman is trying to impress her. "I just can't
bear fools" he says. To this comes an instant reply "obviously your
mother did".
%%
At a recent meeting in Snowmass, Colorado, a participant from Los Angeles
fainted from hyperoxygenation, and we had to hold his head under the exhaust of
a bus until he revived.
%%
At a seance, he who levitates is host.
%%
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense
of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
 -- Jessamyn West
(Irony is when you buy a suit with two pair of pants, and then burn a hole
in the coat.)
%%
A taste to remember me by...
 -- Wesley to Salia, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
A tautologically redundant plethora of surplusage.
%%
A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
%%
A tax loophole is a form of tax reform that did not benefit you. Had you
 benefitted from it, it would have been a model piece of tax reform
 legislation.
%%
A taxpayer is someone who doesn't have to take a civil service
examination to work for the government.
 -- Krueger's law.
%%
At Christmas I no more desire a rose
Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth;
But like of each thing that in season grows.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
At Christmas play and make good cheer,
For Christmas comes but once a year.
 -- Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580)
 -- The Farmer's Daily Diet
%%
At Christmastime, even Santa Claus wouldn't give you love or hope unless
 you met his impossible conditions: "Have you been a good boy all year?"
 Damn him! Damn Santa Claus--has anybody ever been a good boy all year? ...
 "He's making a list, and checking it twice, He's gonna find out who's
 naughty or nice." Who the hell did he think he was? J. Edgar Hoover?
 -- Allan Sherman
%%
AT CHRYSLER: You lead, follow or send the work to Canada.
%%
At Crystal Palace this evening, Neville Stitch broke his own world record
 in the eight hundred meters. He was so pleased he went on to try the high
 hurdles, but, thinking they were the low hurdles, he shattered his personal
 best.
 -- Ronnie Corbett
%%
A teabag short of a pot.
%%
A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.
 -- Henry Adams, The Education of Henry Adams
%%
A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.
 -- Thomas Carruthers
%%
A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
 -- Michael Winner, British film director
%%
A teapot with a cracked lid.
%%
AT EASE, Lieutenant!
 -- Riker to Worf, "Where Silence Has Lease", stardate 42193.6
%%
At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all
my soul.  At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my
ignorance upon the shore.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
A technique is a trick that works.
 -- Gian-Carlo Rota
%%
A technique succeeds in mathematical physics, not by a
clever trick, or a happy accident, but because it expresses
some aspect of a physical truth.
 -- O.G. Sutton
%%
A Teenager is someone who gets excited when they discover that the phone
 call was for them, but this stage of life doesn't last very long.
%%
A teenager is someone with the boldness, audacity and effrontery to think
 that he can do the same things you did at his age, and get away with it!
%%
A teetotaller makes the worst drunkard.
%%
A terminal with red-shift capability requires an extremely fast modem.
%%
A termite walked into a bar and asked "Is the bartender here?"
%%
At every trifle scorn to take offense,
That always shows great pride or little sense.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
At every word a reputation dies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto iii, Line 16
%%
Ate yerz ago i cudent evin spel injunear, now i are one!
%%
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be
 "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.  But then
 I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it
 with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would
 probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw,
 get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
At first I was uncertain, but now I'm not so sure.
 -- Heisenberg
%%
At first sight, the idea of any rules or principles being superimposed
on the creative mind seems more likely to hinder than to help,
but this is quite untrue in practice.
disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather than blinkers it.
 -- G. L. Glegg, The Design of Design
%%
At five minutes before the hour, a student will ask a question requiring
a ten minute answer.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge
roughly comparable to herding cats.
 -- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985
%%
A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally
established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon
or three normal sized billiard balls.
 -- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)
%%
Atheism doesn't have a prayer.
%%
Atheism is rather in the life than in the heart of man.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Atheism is the result of ignorance and pride; of strong sense and
feeble reasons; of good eating and ill-living. It is the plague of
society, the corrupter of manners, and the underminer of property.
 -- Jeremy Collier
%%
Atheist achieving orgasm: "Oh Random!  Oh, Chance!"
%%
Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged.
%%
Atheistic dyslexics don't believe in dog.
%%
Athenodorus says hydrophobia, or water-dread, was first discovered
in the time of Asclepiades.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Symposiacs, Book viii, Question ix
%%
Athens built the Acropolis.   Corinth was a commercial city, interested in
 purely materialistic things.  Today we admire Athens, visit it, preserve the
 old temples, yet we hardly ever set foot in Corinth.
 -- Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry
%%
Athens, the eye of Greece, mother of arts
And eloquence.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 240
%%
A theory is a cluster of conclusions in search of a premise.
 -- N.R. Hanson
%%
A theory is better than its explanation.
 -- H. P. Woodward
%%
At her feet he bowed, he fell, he lay down: at her feet he bowed,
he fell: where he bowed, there he fell down dead.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, 27
%%
A Thermos keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. How do it know?
 -- Bruce Willis
%%
A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart.
%%
A thief believes that everybody steals.
%%
A thin book: Memoirs of an Amnesic
 -- Eric Satie
%%
A thing can be true and still be desperate folly.
 -- Richard Adams, _Watership Down_
%%
A thing derided is a thing dead; a laughing man is stronger than a
suffering man.
 -- Gustave Flaubert
%%
A thing devised by the enemy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
A thing is far more likely to be like it is now than it was before or will
 be in the future, although this is less likely to be true, if said of the
 same thing sometime later.
%%
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
A thing is not necessarily true because badly uttered, nor false because
spoken magnificently.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
A thing is not proved because no one has ever questioned it...Skepticism is the
first step towards truth.
%%
A thing of beauty is a joy forever;
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Endymion, Book i
%%
A thing of custom,--'t is no other;
Only it spoils the pleasure of the time.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
A thing of shreds and zatches.
%%
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
 -- W. C. Fields (1880-1946)
%%
Athletic fields and golf courses excepted, the out-of-doors wears
an evil aspect, dominated as it is by insects and the brainless
proliferation of vegetable forms.
 -- John Updike (from "A month of Sundays")
%%
Athletic Scholarship.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Athletic Supporter: Jacques Strap
%%
Athletic young 486 seeks hot Pentium that likes 8" floppies.
%%
A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
A thorn in the flesh.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians xii, 7
%%
A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
A thought for the day: In ``A Clarification of Questions,'' Iran's Ayatollah
 Ruhollah Khomeini wrote that ``if a fly gets into the throat of one who is
 fasting, it is not necessary to pull it out.''
%%
A thought is often original, though you have uttered it a hundred times.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, i
%%
A Thousand and One Things You Can Do With Lego Building Blocks
 -- A serious review of the work of the Vice President, inspired by Dan Quayle.
%%
A thousand cups of wine do not suffice when true friends meet, but
half a sentence is too much when there is no meeting of minds.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
A thousand fantasies
Begin to throng into my memory,
Of calling shapes, and beck'ning shadows dire,
And airy tongues that syllable men's names
On sands and shores and desert wildernesses.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 205
%%
A thousand lips, a thousand tongues, a thousand throats, a thousand lungs...
a thousand ways to make it true, I want to do terrible things to you...
%%
A thousand pardons...
%%
A thousand shirtless drunk guys in rainbow wigs.
%%
A thousand things advance; nine hundred and ninety-nine retreat:
that is progress.
 -- Henry Frederic Amiel, Swiss philosopher
%%
A thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past,
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xc, 4
%%
"A thousand years passed since
 Agamemnon said, `Don't open
 The gates, who the hell needs
 A wooden horse that size?'
 -- Woody Allen
%%
A thousand years scarce serve to form a state:
An hour may lay it in the dust.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 84
%%
A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes iv, 12
%%
A three foot black rod with a rusty star on an end lies nearby.
%%
A three-tailed race.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
A thrifty housewife always peels potatoes twice.
%%
A thrill a day keeps the chills away.
%%
A tidal wave of avalanche proportions.
%%
A tied-up sack. No blame, no praise.
%%
A time would come when Men should be able to stretch out their Eyes ...
they should see the Planets like our Earth.
 -- Christopher Wren
%%
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and
a courageous person afterward.
 -- Jean Paul Richter
%%
A tin of smoked eel is a wonderful find.
%%
A tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket
%%
A titanic intellect...  In a world full of icebergs.
%%
At Jurassic Park they have teeth.  At Barney & Friends they have music.
%%
ATLANTA:
      An entire city surrounded by an airport.
%%
Atlanta had a couple inches of snow on the ground for the federal holiday on
January 20. Now, snow is a wonderful thing for holidays like Christmas, but
there's just something not right about a white MLK's Birthday.
%%
Atlanta law forbids diaper service trucks from having
horns that play "Rock-A-Bye-Baby."
%%
Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
or street lamp.
%%
ATLAS
  A really big dude who used to carry the world upon his shoulders
  (or something like that). Today's modern Prime Ministers and
  Presidents may think that they carry the world upon *their*
  shoulders, but if that were true then they'd be crushed into tiny
  specks just by the sheer weight of the damn thing. Actually the
  above definition is only mythical. Atlas was actually the bloke in
  the library in ancient Athens who knew where all the street
  directories were kept. [See also: Metaphorical]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
 /\      /\   At last! a
//\\ .. //\\  spider that
//\((  ))/\\  looks like
/  < `' >  \  a spider!
%%
At last we meet; for the first time, for the last time!  Yeah.
%%
At least 75 times in your life, someone will tell you that something
is "for your own good."  It will never be for your own good.
%%
At least a toad can eat what bugs him.
%%
At least Bill Clinton knows what George Washington looked like.
%%
At least Congress doesn't make death worse every year.
%%
At least five buses go by in the opposite direction before yours arrives.
%%
At least in prison you look forward to getting out.
 -- Lister
%%
At least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
 -- J. B. White
%%
At least Jimmy Carter once had a real job!
%%
At least once in your life, you'll miss a belt loop at the back, and
no one will tell you about it.
%%
At least once in your life, you will step in a substance so hideous
that you will have to throw out your shoes.
%%
At least the moderator replies to my messages.
%%
At least this isn't a bloody French tagline..
%%
At least we'll be away from all this openness.  No, this is too strange
  for us.  We are creatures of outer space.  Soon, we will be safe in
  the comforting closeness of walls.
 -- Rojan the Kelvan, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4657.5.
%%
At least you can always use my code as a bad example.
%%
At least you're an EXPERIENCED incompetent.
%%
At leaving even the most unpleasant people
And places, one keeps looking at the steeple.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto ii, Stanza 14
%%
At length the morn and cold indifference came.
 -- Nicholas Rowe (1673-1718)
 -- The Fair Penitent, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
At lovers' perjuries,
They say, Jove laughs.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian
mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were
fired.
%%
"At Microsoft, it doesn't matter which file you're
 compiling, only which flags you #define."
 -- Colin Plumb
%%
ATM Teller Machine? Oxymoron!
%%
At my fingers' ends.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five
 dollars for the second glass.  The refill contained the antidote.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
At night we go down to the river and into the river we dive.
%%
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines.
%%
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than
 when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.
 -- Marshall Lumsden
%%
A toad-eater's an imp I don't admire.
 -- Dr. Woolcott
%%
A toast to bread, for without bread, there could be no toast.
%%
A toast to the kisses you've snatched and vice-versa.
%%
Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed.
 -- Robin, The Boy Wonder
%%
:atomic: [from Gk. `atomos', indivisible] adj. 1. Indivisible;
   cannot be split up.  For example, an instruction may be said to do
   several things `atomically', i.e., all the things are done
   immediately, and there is no chance of the instruction being
   half-completed or of another being interspersed.  Used esp. to
   convey that an operation cannot be screwed up by interrupts.
   "This routine locks the file and increments the file's semaphore
   atomically."  2. [primarily techspeak] Guaranteed to complete
   successfully or not at all, usu. refers to database transactions.
   If an error prevents a partially-performed transaction from
   proceeding to completion, it must be "backed out," as the database
   must not be left in an inconsistent state.

   Computer usage, in either of the above senses, has none of the
   connotations that `atomic' has in mainstream English (i.e.  of
   particles of matter, nuclear explosions etc.).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Atomic Theory:  A mythological explanation of the nature of matter,
   first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now
   thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation.
   Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer
   simulation have failed.  Instead, it has been
   demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend
   upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally
   upon the month of his or her birth.  This apparent
   astrological connection, at last, vindicates the
   alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all
   science.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Atoms are made up of electrons and protons (protons are also nothing).
Fifty billion electrons placed side by side in a straight line would
stretch across the period at the end of this sentence. Protons are
heavier but take up less space. Such an idea is incapable of being
absorbed by the human mind.
 -- John Lardner and Thomas Sugrue
%%
Atoms of the World, UNITE (whoops, too late)
%%
At once it struck me what quality went to form a man of achievement,
especially in literature, and which Shakespeare possessed so enormously
-- I mean negative capability, that is, when a man is capable of being
in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching
after fact and reason.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
%%
"A Toon killed his brother... dropped a piano on his head."
 -- WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?
%%
A too-short mini skirt leaves a definitive end in view.
%%
A topologist is a person who does not know the difference between a
doughnut and a coffee cup.
 -- John Kelly
%%
A tornado touched down, uprooting a large tree in the front yard and
 demolishing the house across the street. Dad went to the door, opened it,
 surveyed the damage, muttered "Darn kids!" and closed the door.
 -- Tim Conway
%%
Atossa, cursed with every granted prayer,
Childless with all her children, wants an heir;
To heirs unknown descends the unguarded store,
Or wanders heaven-directed to the poor.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 147
%%
A totally inadequate tagline for this situation.
%%
At other places it's called having fun. We call it procrastination.
%%
A touchstone to determine the actual worth of an "intellectual" -- find
out how he feels about astrology.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
A tourist leaves Bogolusa on his way to Opalousa, and is quite confused
 about the names of the various cities through which he passes. Stopping at
 long last for a late lunch, he enters a fast food chain restaurant. After
 he places his order, he says to the clerk "I say, how do you spell the name
 of this place I am in?" Slowly, the clerk behind the counter starts.
 "B-U-R-G-E-R K-I-N-G," comes the response.
%%
A tower short of a castle.
%%
A Toyota backwards is still a Toyota!
%%
At pains to define liberty, that most resolute of indefinables, our minds
fall back on spatial images; on birds, sailboats, and mountains; the
untethered balloon, the blue sky, the nude figure.
 -- Robert Grudin, Time and the Art of Living
%%
At present I would prefer not to be a little bit reasonable.
 -- Bartleby the Scrivener
%%
A train-load of rioting soccer hooligans has crashed. Nine of them are
believed to be hurt. The Home Office is said to be deeply distressed by
the news.
Oh, I'm sorry, I've just been handed an amendment to that announcement:
A train-load of English soccer hooligans has crashed. NONE of them are
believed to be hurt. The Home Office is said to be deeply distressed by
the news.
%%
A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the
fuse by blowing first.
 -- Frouds Law
%%
A trap door opens up under you!
%%
A traveler must have the back of an ass to bear all,
a tongue like the tail of a dog to flatter all,
the mouth of a hog to eat what is set before him,
the ear of a merchant to hear all and say nothing.
 -- Thomas Nashe (1567-1601)
%%
A traveller at Sparta, standing long upon one leg, said to a Lacedaemonian,
"I do not believe you can do as much." "True," said he, "but every
goose can."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Remarkable Speeches
%%
A traveller should have a hog's nose, a deer's legs, and an ass's back.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
A treasure trove of gems: symptom strings,
error records, VRA listings and much more.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 13.0 Chapter 13.  Logrec Data Set
%%
A Treasury of Filthy Religious Art Masterpieces
 -- title of book once proposed to Simon & Schuster
%%
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell
sophisticated American telephone technology to the soviets.

American : "And in the United States, anyone can pick up any phone
 and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them
 with the police."

Soviet : "In the Soviet Union we don't require that you dial anything."
 -- From the New York Times, 11/7/89
%%
A tree is a terrible thing to waste....
%%
"A tree is a tree.  How many more do you need to
 look at?"
 -- Ronald W. Reagan, 1966
%%
A tree is best measured when it is down.
%%
A tree is good enough for a Beer.
%%
A tremendous effort on your part has caused the troll significant injury.
%%
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
%%
A tribble a day keeps the Klingons away.
%%
A tribble a day keeps the Klingons well fed.
%%
At right, I am a licensed cleavage inspector.
%%
A Trill surcharge on an office machine: a Dax fax tax.
%%
A Trip to the Dentist: Yin Pain
%%
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he
had run across.
 -- Announcer on KZOK radio, from Wes Ono (Seattle, WA, USA)
%%
A true adman writes the prose and cons.
 -- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
A true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother
drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
A true conservative must necessarily be a conservationalist.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A true diplomat struts sitting down.
%%
A true friend is forever or fiend.
 -- Proverb
%%
A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else
 -- Len Wein
%%
A true friend is the best possession.
%%
A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
%%
A true friend walks in when everyone else leaves
%%
A true friend will see you through when others see that you are through.
%%
A true gentleman ALWAYS lets the lady cum first!
%%
A true gentleman: one who can hog the puck - but doesn't.
%%
A true libertarian supports free enterprise, opposes big business; supports
local self-government, opposes the nation-state; supports the National Rifle
Association, opposes the Pentagon.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A true subwoofer makes the concrete shake beneath you.
%%
A truly advanced planet wouldn't use force.  They wouldn't come here
  in strange alien forms.
 -- Gary Seven, "Assignment Earth," stardate unknown.
%%
A truly creative mind CAN overcome a public education.
%%
A truly despicable person must work at it to become that way, for no one
 simply accomplishes even this state of affairs without some effort and
 sense of direction.
%%
A truly great man will neither trample on a worm nor sneak to an emperor.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
A truly lazy person is never bored.
%%
A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already
 exceeding the speed limit.
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose.
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
%%
A truly wise person knows that he knows not.
%%
A trusted friend will outlive you.
%%
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
It is right it should be so;
Man was made for Joy and Woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the World we safely go,
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
 -- William Blake (1757-1827)
%%
At shut of evening flowers.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 278
%%
"At social gatherings, I would amuse everyone by
 standing uponst the coffee table and striking me-self
 repeatedly upon the head with a brick"
 -- H. R. Gumby
%%
At some point, every faculty would certainly lynch its dean,
if it could only agree on a date.
%%
At some point in your life, you will meet someone who saw Wayne Newton
in Las Vegas.
%%
At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organisa-
tion, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
 -- Brien's First Law
%%
At such times, the wise cat retires to meditate.
%%
At sunrise everything is luminous but not clear.

It is those we live with and love and should know who elude
us.

You can love completely without complete understanding.
 -- Norman Maclean
 -- A River Runs Through It
%%
Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained
only by someone who is detached.
 -- Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace
%%
ATTACK CAT!!!!    take a bite out of crime!
%%
Attacked by Giant Lemmings - take 6D6 laughing damage.
%%
Attacking the Guardians is about as futile as attacking a stone wall.
Unfortunately for you, your futile blow attracts their attention, and
they manage to dispatch you effortlessly.
%%
Attacking the snake both doesn't work and is very dangerous.
%%
Attacking without a weapon is suicide.
%%
Attack long worms from the rear - that is so much safer!
%%
Attack of the Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers!
%%
Attack of the Killer Taglines (PG-13)
%%
ATT Bell Labs is a trademark of UNIX.
 -- Calton Pu
%%
AT&T does it in long lines.
%%
Attempted assassinations are the accidents of kings, just as falling
chimneys are the accidents of masons.  If we must weep, let us weep
for the masons.
 -- Benito Mussolini (1883-1945)
%%
Attempted to launch application.
 -- WinError #2
%%
Attempt the end, and never stand to doubt;
Nothing 's so hard but search will find it out.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- Seek and Find
%%
Attempt to be seen with important people.
%%
Attempt to run Lotus application.
 -- WinError #5
%%
Attendants at a service station in Eunice, Louisiana, handed more than
$100 to a naked man who claimed to have a gun in his pocket.
%%
Attend no auctions if thou hast no money.
 -- The Talmud
%%
Attention all decks, all divisions, effective immediately, I have handed
  over control of this vessel to Acting Captain Wesley Crusher.
Thank you Captain Picard, thank you. And with that order dawns a brave
  new day for the Enterprise.
 -- Picard and Wesley, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Attention all K-Mart shoppers, today the special is...
%%
Attention all planets of the Solar Federation: We have assumed control.
%%
 Attention, attention, there are monkey-boys in the complex.
 -- Buckaroo Banzai (the film)
%%
ATTENTION: Baby Seal Clubbing at 8:00 P.M. on Holodeck 4!
%%
ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the
 Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of
 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
%%
Attention everybody! Larry Blackadder has another cunning plan!
%%
ATTENTION EVERYONE!  Danny has the car!
%%
Attention Frankston line passengers. The 4:38pm train to Frankston is
running twenty minutes late due to the driver having decided to stop at
Armadale and clip his toenails. Besides which, staff at Metropolitan Train
Control felt a bit thirsty and have all gone to Young & Jacksons for
drinkies. In addition to this, staff at this station have been working a
double-shift, and are consequently going home as they are absolutely
buggered. There will be no trains tomorrow due to most of the staff being
extremely pissed off with management, and going to the Australian Railway
Union picnic in the Royal Botanical Gardens, instead of turning up to run
the train system.
    Metropolitan Transit apologises for any inconvenience.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Attention! Jeremy eats cats and is not wearing pants!
%%
ATTENTION: John Hinckley. Bill Clinton is dating Jodie Foster.
%%
Attention!! Modem addict on the lOOse
%%
Attention! This Is The POSYS, My Tags been Snaged
%%
Attention to detail is the watchword for gleaning information from
an unsuspecting witness.
 -- Inspector Cleuseau
%%
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
 -- Plato (428-347 or 348 B.C.)
%%
Attention: Unattended children will be cut up and put in the soup.
%%
Attention: Unattended children will be sold as slaves.
%%
At that moment the bottom fell out of Arthur's mind.
His eyes turned inside out. His feet began to leak out of the top of his head.
The room folded flat about him, spun around, shifted out of existence and left
him sliding into his own navel.
They were passing through hyperspace.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
...At that time [the 1960s], Bell Laboratories scientists projected that
computer speeds as high as 30 million floating-point calculations per
second (megaflops) would be needed for the Army's ballistic missile
defense system.  Many computer experts -- including a National Academy
of Sciences panel -- said achieving such speeds, even using multiple
processors, was impossible.  Today, new generation supercomputers operate
at billions of operations per second (gigaflops).
 -- Aviation Week & Space Technology, May 9, 1988, Washington Roundup, pg 13
%%
At the Academy Awards Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood
gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides
their press agents.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
At the age of four with paper hats and wooden swords we are all
 generals--only some of us never grow out of it.
 -- Peter Ustinov
%%
At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular
dinner price if you eat less than you can.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
At the back of the roadhouse they've got some bungalows...
and that's for the people who like to go down slow...
let it roll, baby, roll ... all night long.
 -- Jim Morrison
%%
At the base of all these aristocratic races the predator is not
to be mistaken, the splendorous blond beast, avidly rampant for
plunder and victory.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
At the beginning of the cask and at the end take thy fill, but be
saving in the middle; for at the bottom saving comes too late. Let
the price fixed with a friend be sufficient, and even dealing with
a brother call in witnesses, but laughingly.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 366
%%
At the beginning there was the Word - at the end just the Cliche.
 -- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
At the bottom of a good deal of the bravery that appears in the world
there lurks a miserable cowardice.  Men will face powder and steel
because they cannot face public opinion.
 -- Edwin Hubbel Chapin
%%
At The Bottom Of The Can: Hazel Nutt.
%%
At the close of the day when the hamlet is still,
And mortals the sweets of forgetfulness prove,
When naught but the torrent is heard on the hill,
And naught but the nightingale's song in the grove.
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Hermit
%%
At the core of all well-founded belief, lies belief that is unfounded.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%%
at the country turns out.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
At the dissolution
He hurries to that which supports him.
Remorse disappears.
%%
At the end of the day, it's balls in the back of the net that counts.
%%
At the end of the rainbow is a pot of gold.
%%
At the end of the tunnel is a bottomless pit...
%%
At the end of what is called the "sexual life" the only love which has
lasted is the love which has everything, every failure and every
betrayal, which has accepted even the sad fact that in the end there is
no desire so deep as the simple desire for companionship.
 -- Graham Greene
%%
At the end of your life there'll be a good rest,
and no further activities are scheduled.
%%
               At the first turning of the second stair
               I turned and saw below
               The same shape twisted on the banister
               ...
               Under the vapour in the fetid air
               Struggling with the devil of the stairs who wears
               The deceitful face of hope and of despair.
 -- TS Eliot
%%
At the foot of the mountain, the lake:
The image of Decrease.
Thus the superior man controls his anger
And restrains his instincts.
%%
At the foot of the mountain, thunder:
The image of Providing Nourishment.
Thus the superior man is careful of his words
And temperate in eating and drinking.
%%
At the half: Bears 16 - Tourists 0.
%%
At the heart of liberty is the right to define one's own concept of
existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life.
 -- Justice Anthony Kennedy
%%
At the heart of science is an essential tension between two seemingly
contradictory attitudes -- an openness to new ideas, no matter how
bizarre or counterintuitive they may be, and the most ruthless skeptical
scrutiny of all ideas, old and new.  This is how deep truths are
winnowed from deep nonsense.  Of course, scientists make mistakes in
trying to understand the world, but there is a built-in error-correcting
mechanism: The collective enterprise of creative thinking and skeptical
thinking together keeps the field on track.
 -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987
%%
At their wits' end.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cvii, 27
%%
At the moment of meeting, the parting begins.
%%
At the next beep it will be... 00:29:28
%%
At the retirement center for senior citizens, Wrinkle City, if everyone
 happens to smile at once it's automatically declared Halloween. The
 residents are so elderly it's considered a good deed for a Boy Scout to
 help an old lady cross her legs.
 -- Pat McCormick
%%
At these prices, I lose money--
but I make it up in volume.
 -- Peter G. Alaquon
%%
"At the sound of the tone, YOUR telephone's going to EXPLODE!" <beep>
(If you've seen the Monty Python episode where the announcer comes on
and says "And now, it's time for the penguin on top of your television
set to explode!" you'll know what sort of voice to use.)
 -- Carl Greenberg
%%
At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at
least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
 -- Tom Gibb
%%
At the store yesterday, I came upon a giant glass jar of maraschino
cherries that had broken on the floor.  As the clerk appeared with
a mop, I said, "Looks like the end of a month of sundaes."
%%
At the tagline, leave your number.  We'll get back to you.
%%
At the tail in retreat. This is dangerous.
One must not wish to undertake anything.
%%
At the top of the food chain sits chocolate.
%%
At the touch of Love every one becomes a poet.
 -- Plato
%%
At the University of Illinois they think they've developed a new source of
 fuel for energy. They think they can make fuel from horse manure. I ain't
 lyin'. I read it in the paper today. Now, I don't know if your car will be
 able to get thirty miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to
 siphoning.
 -- Billy Holliday
%%
At the very best you always enjoy the full potential of doing something
 which is marginal. With just a little planning on your part, it can also be
 totally meaningless, too! With just a bit more energy and enthusiasm, it
 can also be a relatively uncomplicated act of sheer stupidity.
%%
At the well hole one shoots fishes.
The jug is broken and leaks.
%%
At the working-man's house hunger looks in, but dares not enter!
nor will the bailiff or the constable enter; for industry pays debts,
but despair increaseth them.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
At thirty, man suspects himself a fool;
Knows it at forty, and reforms his plan.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 417
%%
"At this point it is tempting to ask: Why would anyone go through
the pain of implementing a superscalar 386?"
 -- Mike Johnson, "Superscalar Microprocessor Design"
%%
Attic's a little dusty.
%%
Attic tragedies of stateliest and most regal argument.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Tractate of Education
%%
Attila the Hen runs the White House.
%%
At times discretion should be thrown aside,
and with the foolish we should play the fool.
 -- Menander
%%
At times I am afraid that my toes will fall off.
%%
At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do
 not cease to be insipid.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
At times the wolves howl and the moon is silent.
%%
At times we must settle for inferior  quality time.
%%
Attitude adjustments $29.95.  Alignment extra.
%%
Attitude is a little thing that makes a BIG difference.
 -- sign-on screen of Pioneer Financial Service
%%
Attitude is everything.
%%
Attitudes adjusted, while you wait.
 -- L.A. Police Car Bumper Sticker
%%
Attitudes are more important than facts.
 -- Karl Menninger
%%
Attitudes create politics and politics precedes equality.
%%
:attoparsec: n. About an inch.  `atto-' is the standard SI
   prefix for multiplication by 10^(-18).  A parsec
   (parallax-second) is 3.26 light-years; an attoparsec is thus
   3.26 * 10^(-18) light years, or about 3.1 cm (thus,
   1 attoparsec/{microfortnight} equals about 1 inch/sec).  This
   unit is reported to be in use (though probably not very seriously)
   among hackers in the U.K.  See {micro-}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Attorneys make better motions.
%%
Attracting a lower class of bimbo.
%%
AT&T Subspace: The next best thing to beaming there.
%%
At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at
forty, the judgment.
 -- Grattan
%%
AT&twits: Phone solicitors.
%%
A turkey roast is a foul ball...
%%
At West Point, the cadets had been full of bravado...But bravado was
grounded in ignorance;    true courage was possible only after one gained
the visceral comprehension that death was the potential price of valor.
 -- Rick Atkinson, "The Long Grey Line"
%%
At whose sight all the stars
Hide their diminish'd heads.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 34
%%
A twin-engine airplane has twice as many engine problems
as a single-engine airplane.
%%
A two-handed sword usually misses.
%%
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying.
%%
A two-timing husband is one who's pleased to make his wife's acquaintances.
%%
At your age
The hey-day in the blood is tame, it 's humble.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
At your feet all the water of the stream splashes into a 2-inch slit
in in the rock. Downstream the streambed is bare rock.
%%
At your feet is a small pit breathing traces of white mist.  An east
passage ends here except for a small crack leading on.
%%
At your service!
%%
"a typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program"
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
A type of jellyfish found off the coast of England is the longest
animal in the world. 
%%
A typical quimmty old hag who spread these vile ruperts was Mrs.
Weatherby -- a widow by her first husbands.
 -- John Lennon
%%
At yuletide, astronauts look for the missile toe.
%%
ATZ to Bob ? ATZ to Bob ? Are you there?
%%
AU$@#%^&46F*HEY CAT! <>...and stay OFF the keyboard!
%%
Auckland Rain Festival - Jan. 1 to Dec. 31
%%
Au contraire. I am ecstatic about the whole incident. I only didn't
  laugh out loud, because if I did, I fear my _head_ would have fallen
  off...
 -- Edmund to Melchett : Money
%%
AUCTION:
      A gyp off the old block.
%%
AUCTIONEER, n.  The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked
a pocket with his tongue.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Audacity, and again audacity, and always audacity.
 -- Georges Jacques Danton
%%
Audemus jura nostra defendere...
[Let us dare defend our rights.]
%%
Audi: Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
%%
Auditorium, natatorium, crematorium and gymnasium must be compounds.
%%
Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom
line divisible by 5 or 10.
 -- O'Brien's Principle (The $357.73 Theory)
%%
Auditors are the people who go in after the war is lost and bayonet
the wounded.
%%
Auditors like to examine figures.
%%
August 10 -- The U.S. space probe Meanderer II, after a journey of six years
and many millions of miles, passes within 400 miles of the surface of
Neptune, sending back dramatic color photographs of a Delta Air Lines
jet.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 25 -- In what is hailed as a landmark ruling, the Supreme Court decides,
by a 7-2 vote, that you cannot count three oranges as one item in the
Express Checkout Lane "unless they are all in the same package."
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 28 -- In the Persian Gulf, tensions mount as a U.S. gunboat engages in a
scuffle with actor Sean Penn.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 3 -- Political activist Donna Rice, in her continuing effort to avoid
publicity, sells her story to ABC television.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 6 -- As "Ollie-mania" continues to sweep the country, one of the most
popular video-arcade games in the country is a new one called -- this is
true -- "Contra."  The way it works is, there are are two soldiers on
the screen, and when you put in a quarter, it never gets to them.
 -- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
Auld Nature swears the lovely dears
  Her noblest work she classes, O;
Her 'prentice han' she tried on man,
  And then she made the lasses, O!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Green grow the Rashes
%%
A unicorn can be tamed only by a fair maiden.
%%
A united Germany means even less sunbeds.
%%
A university faculty is 500 egotists with a common parking problem.
%%
A university is a place where men of principle outnumber men of honor.
 -- Ernest May
%%
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in
students.
 -- John Ciardi
%%
A university professor set an examination question in which he asked
what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had
to give an A+ to a student who answered; I don't know and I don't care
 -- Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990
%%
"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
 -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
%%
A UNIX saleslady, Lenore, Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a
good way To combine work and play: She sells C shells by the seashore.
%%
Auntie Em, why is Toto playing in the blender?
%%
Auntie Histamine
%%
Aunt Patty:  "Nothing dear, I'm just trashing your father."
Lisa:  "Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the
same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have therefore he
is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern my prospects of my
adult relationships.  So, I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a
knock at me and I am far too young to defend myself against such onsluaghts."
Aunt Patty:  "Uh, huh.  Go watch your cartoon show, dear."
 -- "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire", from The Simpsons
%%
Aural sex gives me an earie feeling.
%%
Aural sex produces eargasms.
%%
Auribus teneo lupum.
[I hold a wolf by the ears.]
%%
Aurora now, fair daughter of the dawn,
Sprinkled with rosy light the dewy lawn.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book viii, Line 1
%%
Auschwitz, the meaning of pain, the way I want you to die.
%%
A useless life is an early death.
%%
A USRHST-world's most powerful modem-feeling lucky- punk?
%%
Australia , Hurrah.
Australia , Hurrah.
We have Tin and Iron and our backbone is wheat
and also sheep.
Yes we are so lucky
The Kangaroo, the native bear and the Emu, too!
Australia , Hurrah
Australia , Hurrah!
 -- A (seriously) proposed Australian National Anthem
%%
AUSTRALIA, n.  A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and
commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate
dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an
island.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Australian beer is made out of kangaroo hops.
%%
Australian Rules Football may best be described
as a game devised for padded cells, played in the open air.
%%
Australians do it down under.
%%
Australians have 2 NEW uses for sheep: wool and mutton.
%%
Australian Student Struck By Lightning For The Sixteenth Time.
%%
Australia: the continent that thinks it's a state.
 Texas: the state that thinks it's a continent.
 Alaska: Who cares! The mosquitoes are as big as states.
%%
Australia...visit us soon...where your dollar goes further..
%%
Australia:  Where men are men and sheep are nervous.
%%
Authentic, adj. Indubitably true, in somebody's opinion.
%%
Authenticity Police--death to Spandex!
%%
Authoritarian socialism has failed almost everywhere, but you will
find not a single Marxist who will say it has failed because it was
wrong or impractical. He will say is has failed because nobody went
far enough with it. So failure never proves that a myth is wrong.
 -- Jean-Francois Revel
%%
"Authorities are now saying that the war on drugs will be bigger than
World War II... Oh, *great*... more Time-Life books."
 -- Jay Leno
%%
Authorities tend to frown on the placement of an unopened can of spinach in
 a microwave oven, although everyone knows this is a quick way to redecorate
 your kitchen.
%%
Authority and liberty are two incompatible ideas.... Liberty diminishes
in proportion as man progresses and becomes civilized.
 -- Antonio de Oliveira Salazar (1889-1970)
%%
Authority forgets a dying king.
 -- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
%%
Authority intoxicates, And makes mere sots of magistrates. The fumes
of it invade the brain, And make men giddy, proud and vain; By this
the fool commands the wise The noble with the base complies. The
sot assumes the rule of wit, And cowards make the base submit.
 -- Butler
%%
Authority is a poor substitute for leadership.
 -- John Luther
%%
Authority is no stronger than the man who wields it.
 -- Dolores E. McGuire
%%
Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
 -- CORNUELLE'S LAW
%%
Authority without wisdom is like a heavy ax without an edge, fitter to
bruise than polish.
 -- Anne Bradstreet
%%
Authorization for a project will be granted only when none of the
authorizers can be blamed if the project fails but when all of the
authorizers can claim credit if it succeeds.
%%
Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
depths they were once able to plumb.
 -- Stanley Kaufman
%%
Authors do it by rote.
%%
Authors, like coins, grow dear as they grow old.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 35
%%
Authors rarely welcome even the most constructive advice.
%%
Autistics commit senseless violence.  Film at 11.
%%
AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST.
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.
 -- Useful phrases to know when traveling in moslem areas
%%
Autobiography is the history of motorcars.
%%
Autobiography: Unrivalled telling truth about others.
%%
Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million
men. Let's play that one over again, too. Who decides?
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
AUTOEXEC.BAT = Lee Iacocca as a vampire.
%%
Autoexec:  Snooooozzzzzzze
%%
:automagically: /aw-toh-maj'i-klee/ or /aw-toh-maj'i-k*l-ee/ adv.
   Automatically, but in a way that, for some reason (typically
   because it is too complicated, or too ugly, or perhaps even too
   trivial), the speaker doesn't feel like explaining to you.  See
   {magic}.  "The C-INTERCAL compiler generates C, then automagically
   invokes `cc(1)' to produce an executable."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Auto makers do it with standard equipment (or optional equipment).
%%
Automatic calling unit - teenager with a telephone
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
 (Automatic gunfire, explosions, rockets, jets; agitated voice:)
 I'm pinned down and can't come to the phone right now, and Bob's
 handling supporting fire!  Leave your name and number, and a
 message!  We'll get back to you as soon...  FIRE IN THE HOLE!
 (BOOM!)  We'll get back to you as soon as the air cover napalms
 the place!
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
 -- Mary H. Waldrip
%%
Automating:  A couple making love in a car.
%%
Auto mechanics do it under hoods, using oil and grease.
%%
Automobile mufflers don't die, they just get exhausted.
%%
Automobile, n.: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down
 pedestrians.
%%
Autopsy is a dying practice.
%%
Autovision... what about Autosmell?
%%
       [Autumn changed into Winter ... Winter changed into Spring ...  Spring
       changed back into Autumn and Autumn gave Winter and Spring a miss and
       went straight on into Summer ...  Until one day ...]
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Autumn nodding o'er the yellow plain.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Autumn, Line 2
%%
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
 -- Tennessee Williams
%%
A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world.
%%
Availability of manuscripts in a given subject area is inversely
proportional to the need for books in that area.
%%
Avalanche is better than none.
 -- Bullwinkle
%%
Avalanche or roadblock, I was a snowball in hell.
%%
Avant-Garde Narrow: a typeface for the broad-minded.
%%
Avarice: generally the last passion of those lives of which the first
part has been squandered in pleasure, and the second devoted to
ambition.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Avarice increases with the increasing pile of gold.
 -- Juvenal
%%
Avarice in old age is foolish; for what can be more absurd than to
increase our provisions for the read the nearer we approach to our
journey's end.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Avarice is always poor, but poor by her own fault.
 -- Johnson
%%
Avarice is always poor.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Avarice is the vice of declining years.
 -- George Bancroft
%%
A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
"Avast, ye slobs!  Deploy the mizzen mast!  Rotate
 the rubber baby buggy bumpers!"
 -- Badge, Judah and Nexus battening down the hatches, from NEXUS
%%
Avast, ye swabs!
%%
:avatar: [CMU, Tektronix] n. Syn. {root}, {superuser}.  There
   are quite a few UNIX machines on which the name of the superuser
   account is `avatar' rather than `root'.  This quirk was
   originated by a CMU hacker who disliked the term `superuser',
   and was propagated through an ex-CMU hacker at Tektronix.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Avatar terminal, the long distance co.'s nightmare
%%
AVAX - A low-flying VAX with radar.
%%
A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite.
%%
A vegetarian diet can prevent 97% of our [society's] coronary
occlusions.
 -- Diet and Stress in Vascular Disease,
 -- Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol 197, No. 9., 1961, pg 806.
%%
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat
anything that can have children.
 -- David Brenner
%%
Ave, Imperator, morituri te salutant...
[Hail, Emperor, those who are going to die greet you.]
%%
Avenge the death of the working class!
%%
Avenge yourself!  Stay alive long enough to become a problem to your children.
%%
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, Goldwyn's Law of Contracts
%%
A verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when its all together.  It's
downright inhuman to split it up.  But that's just what those Germans do.  They
take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other
part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between these
two limits they just shovel in German.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
A veritable river of words.
%%
AVERNUS, n.  The lake by which the ancients entered the infernal
regions.  The fact that access to the infernal regions was obtained by
a lake is believed by the learned Marcus Ansello Scrutator to have
suggested the Christian rite of baptism by immersion.  This, however,
has been shown by Lactantius to be an error.

    _Facilis descensus Averni,_
        The poet remarks; and the sense
    Of it is that when down-hill I turn I
        Will get more of punches than pence.
                                                        Jehal Dai Lupe
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
A verse may find him who a sermon flies,
And turn delight into a sacrifice.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Church Porch
%%
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and a .44 magnum.
%%
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
%%
Avert the rupture of the equilibrium.
%%
A very ancient and fish-like smell.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
A very beadle to a humorous sigh.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A very drunk man is trying his key on a hole in the lamp post. A police
 officer comes by, notices that the man is terribly drunk and suggests that
 there is no one home in the lamp post. The drunk replies that of course
 someone is home, since there is a light upstairs.
%%
A very gentle beast, and of a good conscience.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
A very intelligent turtle Found programming UNIX a hurdle The system, you see,
Ran as slow as did he, And that's not saying much for the turtle.
%%
A very merry, dancing, drinking,
Laughing, quaffing, and unthinking time.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Secular Masque, Line 40
%%
A very riband in the cap of youth.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
A very sad poet was Jenny
Her limericks weren't worth a penny
   In technique they were sound
   Yet somehow she found
Whenever she tried to write any
She always wrote one line too many.
 -- Douglas Hofstadter, "Metamagical Themas"
%%
A very sensible people. For example Mintakan women precede their
  mates. It's a signal to other women.
This man is taken, get your own?
Not precisely. More like if you want his services, I'm the on
  you have to negotiate with.
What kind of services?
All kinds.
They are a sensible race.
 -- Troi and Riker, "Who Watches the Watchers, stardate 43173.5
%%
A VERY small joke, ensign...
 -- Spock
%%
A very smart lady named Cookie
Said, "I like to mix gambling with nookie
    Before every race
    I go home to my place
And curl up with a very good bookie."
%%
A very valiant trencher-man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
A very wise mute once said :
%%
A VGA card and a Herc monitor.
%%
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
%%
"A vicious firebrand of Law and Order, his FOAMING WRATH is
 MIGHTY!... Yet his heart flows over with warmth and human kindness to all
 the good and honest people!"
  "You're hurt pretty bad, Mister... have some Wheaties!"
 -- Flaming Carrot
%%
A victim of a prank, Geordi puts a banana over his eyes.
%%
   A village.  Sound of chanting of Latin canon, punctuated by short, sharp
   cracks.  It comes nearer.  We see it is a line of MONKS ala SEVENTH SEAL
   flagellation scene, chanting and banging themselves on the foreheads with
   wooden boards.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
A viola's range? 30 feet if kicked hard enough.
%%
A violent man will die a violent death.
 -- Lao Tsu
%%
A violet in the youth of primy nature,
Forward, not permanent, sweet, not lasting,
The perfume and suppliance of a minute.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
A violin minus the bow.
%%
A virginal is a harpsichord that has never been plucked.
%%
A virgin is chaste.
%%
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
%%
A virtuous abstinence from the joys of pederasty
comes most easily to those who have no taste for it.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
A virus is a Daemon with an attitude problem!
%%
A virus that eats taglines would really make people mad.
%%
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
%%
A visit to a political convention is much akin to a residency which is
 required on a garbage heap. As a matter of fact, I rather believe I would
 prefer the garbage heap if it comes to a choice.
%%
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
%%
A visit to the Zoo is very educational; you meet interesting animals.
%%
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
%%
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you. Too bad you can't keep your mind
on the down to earth things.
%%
A vivid and creative mind is foreign to you.
%%
Avogadro's number..avocado's?"
%%
Avoidable complexity should indeed be avoided.
%%
Avoid administrators.
Skim the required reading.  Skip everything else.
Write vague, spineless papers.
Cram.
 -- Rules for College Survival
%%
Avoid all overcokked sushi, because it is bad for you, and not too good for
 the fish, either.
%%
Avoidance of interruptions including the assignment of other duties
can usually be achieved, so that the obviously stressed worker can
concentrate on the single effort.
%%
 Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating
 antediluvian alliterations.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Avoid any enterprise which will require new clothes.
%%
Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
 -- Richard Smit, "The Bronx Diet"
%%
Avoid being late -- don't even go!
%%
Avoid bigots and fools...oh, that's redundant, isn't it.
%%
 Avoid cliches like the plague.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Avoid cliches like the plague--they're a dime a dozen
%%
Avoid colloquial stuff.
 -- Writing Rule 41
%%
Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
%%
Avoid Computer virus - practice safe HEX!
%%
Avoid contact with skin.
%%
Avoid cute identifiers.
%%
Avoid diseases not backed by a national foundation.
%%
Avoid dishonest gain: no price can recompense the pangs of vice.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Avoid driving a motor vehicle or operating heavy machinery after use.
%%
Avoid emus for the rest of the week.
%%
Avoid fighting with the ugly, they have nothing to lose.
%%
Avoid fire, flame, or smoking during use.
%%
Avoid fried foods which angry up the blood.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
Avoid fruits and nuts; after all, you ARE what you eat.
%%
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
%%
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
%%
Avoid Hangovers... Stay Drunk!!!
%%
Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position
falls, your ego goes with it.
 -- Colin Powell
%%
Avoid him.  He's a Commie.
%%
Avoid home accidents, joined planned parenthood.
%%
Avoidification of neologisms strengthenifies your prosification.
%%
Avoid insincere people.
%%
Avoid junk mail, get an unlisted ZIP code!
%%
Avoid life - It'll kill you in the end.
%%
Avoid Mailmen...............They Are Carriers
%%
Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry
(NB: Circumstances can force your hand. So think ahead!)
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Avoid "off-topic" warnings: Add the moderator to your twitlist!
%%
Avoid opening doors. You never know whats on the other side.
%%
Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the Realm, Defender of the
Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of Corporate Planning."
 -- The Official MBA Handbook on business cards
%%
"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
%%
Avoid penguins.
%%
Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorada"
%%
Avoid reality at all costs!
%%
"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."
 -- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
%%
Avoid running at all times.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
%%
Avoid shame, but do not seek glory,--nothing so expensive as glory.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 88
%%
Avoid suspicion: when you're walking through your neighbor's melon
patch, don't tie your shoe.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
%%
Avoid that run down feeling.  Stay on the sidewalk.
%%
Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon.
%%
Avoid the chicken salad.
%%
Avoid the end-of-the-year rush.  Fail your exams now.
%%
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
%%
Avoid the use of dyed-in-the-wool cliches.
%%
Avoid the utilization of enlarged words when shortened ones will do.
%%
 Avoid those abysmally horrible,
 outrageously repellent exaggerations.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
 Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on,
 they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish
 the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep going,
 they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly,
 and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever...
 if you get my drift...
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Avoid treacherous locutions that sound flaky.
%%
 Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into
 the black abyss of overused metaphors.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Avoid Tunnel Vision Wear Blindfold In Tunnel
%%
Avoid unnecessary branches.
%%
A volcano gnome seems to walk straight out of the wall and says, "I have a
very busy appointment schedule and little time to waste on computer hacks, but
for a very small fee, I'll show you how to logoff.
%%
A volcano gnome seems to walk straight out of the wall and says,
"I have a very busy appointment schedule and little time to waste on
trespassers, but for a very small fee, I'll show you the way out."
You notice that the gnome is nervously glancing at his watch.
%%
Avon is a ding-dong operation.
%%
A vote on the tally sheet is worth two in the box.
%%
A Vulcan can no sooner be disloyal than he can exist without breathing.
 -- Kirk, "The Menagerie," stardate 3012.4.
%%
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Awake, arise, or be forever fallen!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 330
%%
Awake, my soul! stretch every nerve,
  And press with vigour on;
A heavenly race demands thy zeal,
  And an immortal crown.
 -- Philip Doddridge (1702-1751)
 -- Zeal and Vigour in the Christian Race
%%
Awake, my St. John! leave all meaner things
To low ambition and the pride of kings.
Let us (since life can little more supply
Than just to look about us, and to die)
Expatiate free o'er all this scene of man;
A mighty maze! but not without a plan.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 1
%%
A Walking across town tonight I looked up and saw a club marquee that said,
 "Live Nudes." I thought: Good choice.
 -- Tommy Sledge
%%
A wand of vibration might bring the whole cave crashing about your ears.
%%
A wanton young lady from Wimley
 Reproached for not acting quite primly
 Said, "Heavens above!
 I know sex isn't love,
 But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
%%
Awards are like hemorrhoids; in the end, every asshole gets one.
 -- Frederic Raphael
%%
A warm beer is better than no beer at all
%%
A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.
 -- William Arthur Ward
%%
A warning message should not be funnier than the joke.
 -- Rule #624
%%
A warped sense of humor is vastly better than no sense of humor at all
%%
A Warriors Drink -- Well that Explains a lot.
%%
A watched clock never boils
%%
A Watched Pot May Never Boil, But the Cook Certainly Does.
%%
A watched pot never disappears.
%%
A watched telephone never rings.
 -- The Ring Rule
%%
Aw come on, Bob.  Pull my finger.
%%
A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things,
but cannot receive great ones.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
A wealthy priest, but rich without a fault.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book v, Line 16
%%
A weapon that comes down as still
  As snowflakes fall upon the sod;
But executes a freeman's will,
  As lightning does the will of God;
And from its force nor doors nor locks
Can shield you,--'t is the ballot-box.
 -- John Pierpont (1785-1866)
 -- A Word from a Petitioner
%%
A Weasel is a ferret with seniority.
%%
A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
%%
A week is a long time in politics.
%%
A-weem-o-wrat, a-weem-o-wrat, hey hey hey
%%
A wee pint, if you please.
 -- Jim Glynn 
%%
A weird howling tornado hits from out of the West!
You've been caught in a chaos storm!
The chaos storm warps your frame!
Your statistical entropy has been maximized.
%%
A weird howling tornado hits from out of the West!
You've been caught in a chaos storm!
You feel filled with energy!
You also feel weaker. Paradoxical, no?
%%
A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
 getting nervous.
%%
A well-bred dog generally bows to strangers.
%%
A well-crafted tagline is a joy forever.
%%
A well-governed appetite is a great part of liberty.
 -- Seneca
%%
A well-known friend is a treasure.
%%
A well known scientist (some say it was Bertrand Russell) once gave a public
lecture on astronomy.  He described how the earth orbits around the sun and
how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars
called our galaxy.  At the end of the lecture, a little old lady at the back
of the room got up and said: "What you have just told is rubbish.  The world
is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise."  The
scientist gave a superior smile before replying, "What is the tortoise standing
on?"  "You're very clever, young man, very clever," said the old lady.   "But
it's turtles all the way down!"
 -- Stephen Hawking, "A Brief History of Time"
%%
A well regulated commerce is not, like law, physics, or divinity, to be
overstocked with hands; but, on the contrary, flourishes by multitudes,
and gives employment to all its professors.
 -- Addison
%%
A well-used door needs no oil on its hinges.
A swift-flowing stream does not grow stagnant.
Neither sound nor thoughts can travel through a vacuum.
Software rots if not used.
These are great mysteries.
 -- The Tao of Programming
%%
A well-written Life is almost as rare as well-spent one.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
Awesome use of the language, dude!
 -- Batty
%%
A wet sheet and a flowing sea,
  A wind that follows fast,
And fills the white and rustling sail,
  And bends the gallant mast.
And bends the gallant mast, my boys,
  While like the eagle free
Away the good ship flies, and leaves
  Old England on the lee.
 -- Allan Cunningham (1785-1842)
 -- A Wet Sheet and a Flowing Sea
%%
Aw, gee, Wally . . .
%%
Aw hell, just once I'd like to see Picard KILL the alien!
%%
A whippersnapper has nothing to do with sex? Drat!
%%
A White House well filled, a little peanut field well tilled, and
a wife who will go to the Bronx are great riches.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
A white lie is aversion of the truth.
 -- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
A white lie soon gets tanned from exposure.
%%
A whole cheese cake has a very short life span!
%%
A whole hog is better than no hog at all.
%%
A wholesome mind is wasted potential.
%%
A whore is a whore for the same reason some of us aren't.
%%
A wicked book cannot repent.
%%
A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with
 LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
A widow is more sought after than an old maid of the same age.
 -- Addison
%%
A wife lasts as long as a marriage, an ex-wife for ever.
%%
A wilderness of sweets.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 294
%%
A wind-up clock without a key.
%%
A windy April is death to little pigs.
%%
A wink lasts only 3/10 of a second.
%%
A winner goes through a problem; a loser goes around, but never past, it.
%%
A winner isn't nearly as afraid of losing as a loser is secretly
afraid of winning.
%%
A winner makes commitments; a loser makes promises.
%%
A winner never quits. A quitter never wins.
%%
A winner never whines.
 -- Paul Brown
%%
A winner says "Let's find out."; a loser says "Nobody knows."
%%
A winner shows some of his character, a loser, all of it.
%%
A winner works harder than a loser and has more time; A loser is
always too busy to do what is necessary.
%%
A winning wave, deserving note,
In the tempestuous petticoat;
A careless shoe-string, in whose tie
I see a wild civility,--
Do more bewitch me than when art
Is too precise in every part.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- Delight in Disorder
%%
A wino asked me for change. I gave him my shirt...
%%
A winy vapour melting in a tear.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xix, Line 143
%%
A wise and salutary neglect.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 117
%%
A wise investment you made will pay off big time.
%%
A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the
top of a mountain.
%%
A wise man depends on his friends for information and on himself for decisions.
%%
A wise man first determines what is within his control;
all else is then irrelevant.
 -- Epictetus
%%
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
 -- Balthasar Gracian
%%
A wise man is strong; yea, a man of knowledge increaseth strength.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxiv, 5
%%
A wise man knows everything, but a shrewd man knows everyone.
%%
A wise man never loses anything, if he has himself.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. xxxviii, Of Solitude
%%
A wise man never refuses anything to necessity.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 540
%%
A wise man never sits on a holy throne.
%%
A wise man once said ..."I don't know."
%%
A wise man poor
Is like a sacred book that 's never read,--
To himself he lives, and to all else seems dead.
This age thinks better of a gilded fool
Than of a threadbare saint in wisdom's school.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- Old Fortunatus
%%
A wise man rules by the stars, a Fool is ruled by them.
%%
A wise man sees as much as he ought, not as much as he can.
 -- Montaigne
%%
A wise man's question contains half the answer.
 -- Solomon Ibn Gabirol
%%
A wise man who stands firm is a statesman, a foolish man who stands
firm is a catastrophe.
%%
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
 -- Francis Bacon, English philosopher (1561-1626)
%%
A wise man would no sooner appoint a contractor to a position of trust
that a President would ask Taiwan to guard the mainland.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Phaedra, Frag. 862
%%
A wise ruler ought never to keep faith when by doing so it would
be against his interests.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
A wise scepticism is the first attribute of a good critic.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Shakespeare Once More
%%
A wise son maketh a glad father.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs x, 1
%%
A wise woman never yields by appointment.
 -- Stendhal
%%
A withered poplar puts forth flowers.
An older woman takes a husband.
No blame. No praise.
%%
A wit 's a feather, and a chief a rod;
An honest man 's the noblest work of God.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 247
%%
A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
people's attention.
%%
A witty saying proves nothing.
 -- Voltaire
%%
A witty writer, K. Kraus in the Vienna "Fackel", has as it were,
expressed this truth paradoxically in the cynical saying:
"Coitus is merely an unsatisfactory substitute for onanism!"
 -- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)i
 -- [attempting to explain why masturbation is "by no means harmless"]
%%
A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 90
%%
A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent
 to admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact
 remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
 reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.
 It is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties
 of using indirect spells. It also does no harm, in dealing with these
 matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times.
 -- "The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII"
%%
A wizard, huh?  I throw my drink at him.
%%
    A wizard is only as good as his spells," people will often say. It is
telling however, that this statement is only made by people who have never
been wizards themselves.
    Those of us who have chosen to pursue a sorcerous career know that a
knowledge of spells is only one small facet of the successful magician.
Equally vital are a quick wit, a soothing tongue, and, perhaps most
important, a thorough knowledge of back alleys, underground passageways, and
particularly dense patches of forest, for those times when the spell you
knew so well doesn't quite work after all.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. I
%%
    A wizard must always know how to use words. Practice smiling as you
recite the following simple exercise. First: "The spell has not worked. It
is best that you get out of your house before it explodes." Second: "The
spell has not worked, It is best I get out of here before you explode." And
third: "The spell has not worked. Will you please pay me the rest of my
retainer before your money explodes with you?" Delivering lines like these
with conviction is the sign of a professional sorcerer.
 -- The Wizard Finals: A Study Guide (Third Edition)
 -- Ebenezum, Greatest Wizard in the Western Kingdoms
%%
    A wizard must do his best not to judge any person or thing on their
first appearance. Many a human or other intelligent creature will have
hidden depths to their personalities which you will only discover as you get
to know them and work with them; and hidden cash reserves, which you can
bill them for regularly as this aforementioned knowledge process takes
place.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. LVI
%%
    A wizard's reputation is his bond, or so the sages say. And, as all
learned men know, a reputation is difficult to build, and all too easily
besmirched.  The wizard with a fallen reputation is often led to less savory
forms of employ, and, while these sometimes pay better than whatever the
wizard was doing before, they are not the sort of thing one writes home to
Mother about.  The successful wizard, therefore, should develop three or
four reputations simultaneously, and then, happily, will have one for every
occasion.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XIII
%%
A wizard without a sword, thank you.
%%
:awk: 1. n. [UNIX techspeak] An interpreted language for massaging
   text data developed by Alfred Aho, Peter Weinberger, and Brian
   Kernighan (the name derives from their initials).  It is
   characterized by C-like syntax, a declaration-free approach to
   variable typing and declarations, associative arrays, and
   field-oriented text processing.  See also {Perl}.  2. n.
   Editing term for an expression awkward to manipulate through normal
   {regexp} facilities (for example, one containing a
   {newline}).  3. vt. To process data using `awk(1)'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Awkward Age: the period lasting from birth until death.
%%
A wok is what you throw at a wabbit.
%%
A Woman a day keeps the Wife away
%%
A woman, as much as a man, is responsible by the age of forty for the
character of her face. But women, obeying the biological imperative, strive
harder to preserve a youthful appearance (the reproductive look) and lose it
sooner.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
A woman came to ask the doctor if a woman should have children after 35. I
 said 35 children is enough for any woman!
 -- Gracie Allen
%%
A woman can be anything the man who loves her would have her be.
 -- James Barrie
%%
A woman can never be too rich or too thin.
%%
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
thank her.
 -- W.C. Fields
%%
A woman either loves or hates; she knows no medium.
 -- Publilius
%%
A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.
 -- Scott
%%
A woman, especially if she have the misfortune
of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.
 -- Jane Austen
%%
A woman forgives the audacity of which
her beauty has prompted us to be guilty.
 -- LeSage
%%
A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far.
 -- Fannie Hurst
%%
A woman hath nine lives like a cat.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. iv
%%
A Woman, impudent and mannish grown
Is not more loath'd than an effeminate Man.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
A woman is always buying something.
 -- Ovid (43 B.C. - 18 A.D.)
%%
A Woman is a two edged sword ... driven through your skull.
%%
A woman is a well-served table that one sees with different eyes before and
 after the meal.
%%
A woman is like a dresser...some man always goin' through her drawers.
 -- Blind Lemon Pledge
%%
A woman is like a piano.  If she's not upright she's grand.
%%
A woman is like a tea bag--you can't tell how strong she is until you put her
in hot water.
 -- Nancy Reagan
%%
A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows.
 -- Chamfort
%%
A woman knows the face of the man she loves like a sailor knows the
open sea.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
A woman, like a good piece of music,
should have a solid end.
 -- Franz Schubert
%%
A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to
endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
A woman met a man walking along the street wearing only one shoe.  "Just lost a
 shoe?" she asked.  He answered, "Nope, just found one."
%%
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,--
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing--tender, sweet, and stupid.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
%%
A woman must be a genius to create a good husband.
%%
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he
 couldn't.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
A woman of generous character will sacrifice her life a thousand times over
for her lover, but will break with him for ever over a question of pride --
for the opening or the shutting of a door.
 -- Stendhal
%%
A woman on the Fifth Avenue bus was being a nuisance. Every five minutes
 she'd pester the driver, "Are we on Riverside Drive yet?" She kept asking,
 getting on his nerves, but he kept his temper. When he didn't respond after
 she asked yet again, she cried, "How will I know when we come to Riverside
 Drive?" He said, "By the big smile on my face, lady, by the big smile on my
 face."
 -- Frank Sullivan
%%
A woman past 40 should make up her mind to be young, not her face.
 -- Billie Burke
%%
A woman physician has made the statement that smoking is neither physically
defective nor morally degrading, and that nicotine, even when indulged to
in excess, is less harmful than excessive petting."
 -- Purdue Exponent (Jan 16, 1925)
%%
A woman's accusation is all that is needed to for conviction.
%%
A woman's appearance depends upon two things: the clothes she wears and
the time she gives to her toilet... Against the first we bring the
charge of ostentation, against the second of harlotry.
 -- Tertullian (180?-230?)
%%
A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as
he can.
 -- Moms Mabley
%%
A woman's best protection is a little money of her own.
 -- Clare Booth Luce
%%
A woman's choice can kill a man.
%%
A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose
 without obstructing the view.
 -- Sophia Loren
%%
A woman's guess is more accurate than a man's certainty.
%%
A woman's head on a spike is not a pretty thing.
 -- V. Tsepes
%%
A woman should have compassion.
 -- Kirk, "Catspaw," stardate 3018.2.
%%
A woman's life is a history of the affections.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
A woman's place is in the house.  And the senate.
%%
A woman's place is in the mall.
%%
A woman's place is in the wrong.
%%
A woman's place is under the covers.
%%
A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.
 -- Herodotus
%%
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to
satisfy his one need.
%%
A woman was out driving with her husband. She was speeding along at about
 fifty. Suddenly a motorcycle cop appeared alongside and told her to pull
 over. The cop looked at her. "Hmmm!" he said, "I'm going to put you down
 for fifty-five." She turned to her husband. "See! I told you this hat makes
 me look old."
 -- Joe Laurie, Jr.
%%
A woman well bred and taught, furnished with the additional accomplisments of
knowledge and behavior, is a creature without comparison.
 -- Daniel DeFoe
%%
A woman went to the butcher's to buy some meat. So she bought some steak, a
 few pounds of hamburger, a few pounds of ribs, and a big roast, and then
 she says to the butcher, "Deliver it!"

 The butcher says, "I can't deliver it, lady."

 She says, "What's the matter with you? You've gotta deliver it. Your
 delivery wagon's parked right out front."

 The butcher says, "I know that, lady, but you got most of the horse!"
 -- Jimmy Durante
%%
A woman who doesn't wear lipstick feels undressed in public. Unless she
 works on a farm.
 -- Max Factor
%%
A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social
 pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate
 woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without
 love, without virtue, without sex.
 -- Balzac
%%
A woman who thinks she is intelligent demands equal rights with men.
A woman who is intelligent does not.
%%
A woman, who weighed a bulging three hundred pounds, went into a store to
 buy some shoes. She tried on so many she almost drove the poor clerk crazy.
 Each pair was either too big, too small, too narrow, or the wrong color.

 "Oh, this is the pair I like," she finally said to the startled clerk.

 "But, lady," he replied, "you're wearing the boxes."
 -- Joe Laurie, Jr.
%%
A woman will sometimes devote all her life to the development of one
husband who can't cook and will.
%%
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
 -- Gloria Steinum
%%
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Therefore, a man without a woman is like a bicycle without a fish.
%%
A woman without a man is like a garden without a fence.
%%
A woman without a man is like a moose without a hairnet.
%%
A word and a blow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxv, 11
%%
A word in season spoken
May calm the troubled breast.
 -- Charles Jefferys (1807-1865)
 -- A Word in Season
%%
A word is worth 1/1000 of a picture.
%%
A word once sent abroad flies irrevocably.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
A word spoken in due season, how good is it!
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xv, 23
%%
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need
the advice.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
A word to the wise is enough.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
A word to the wise is often enough to start an argument.
%%
A word to the wise is unnecessary.
 -- La Rouchefoucauld
%%
A word to you is necessary.
%%
A workman that needeth not to be ashamed.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Timothy ii, 15
%%
A work of art is never finished, only abandoned.
%%
A work project expands to fill the space available.
 -- The Einstein Extension of Parkinson's Law
No matter how large the work space, if two projects must be
done at the same time they will require the use of the same
part of the work space.
 -- Corollary
%%
A world community can exist only with world communication, which means
something more than extensive shortwave facilities scattered about the
globe. It means common understanding, a common tradition, common ideas,
and common ideals.
 -- Robert M. Hutchins
%%
A world worth leaving is seldom worth returning to.
%%
A worm is in the bud of youth,
  And at the root of age.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Stanzas subjoined to a Bill of Mortality
%%
A worthless wise man always charms the rabble.
%%
A wounded spirit who can bear?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xviii, 14
%%
AWP: Argue With Programmer
%%
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Comedy of Errors
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Awright, you people! Who stole my strawberry preserves?
%%
A writer is someone for whom writing is much harder than it is for the
others.
 -- Ken Laws
%%
A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
 -- Writing Rule 06
%%
A wrong-doer is often a man that has left something undone, not always
he that has done something.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 5
%%
AWTT: Assemble With Tinker Toys
%%
Aww c'mon, just till I need glasses...
%%
Aww, if you make me cry anymore, you'll fog up my helmet.
 -- Visionaries cartoon
%%
"Awww..."
  "Don't let that 'sweet' act fool ya, Harry! They're DANGEROUS ASSASSINS!"
 -- Two guards from ZOT!
%%
Awwww its just a Harmless little Bunny!
%%
Awwww its just a Harmless little Tagline!
%%
Awwww Sher-sher=sher-=-shucks
%%
Axioms are the best example of GIGO!
%%
Ayatollah Khomeini will one day be viewed as some kind of a saint.
%%
A yawn is a silent shout.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
Ay, but to die, and go we know not where;
To lie in cold obstruction and to rot;
This sensible warm motion to become
A kneaded clod; and the delighted spirit
To bathe in fiery floods, or to reside
In thrilling region of thick-ribbed ice;
To be imprison'd in the viewless winds,
And blown with restless violence round about
The pendent world.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Ay, call it holy ground,
  The soil where first they trod:
They have left unstained what there they found,--
  Freedom to worship God.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers
%%
Ay, do despise me! I 'm the prouder for it; I like to be despised.
 -- Isaac Bickerstaff (1735-1787)
 -- The Hypocrite, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Ay, down to the dust with them, slaves as they are!
  From this hour let the blood in their dastardly veins,
That shrunk at the first touch of Liberty's war,
  Be wasted for tyrants, or stagnate in chains.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- On the Entry of the Austrians into Naples, 1821
%%
A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
%%
"Aye, aye, mambo-man."
 -- Bart to Homer in "Some Enchanted Evening", from The Simpsons
%%
Aye carrumba! No Simpsons conference on this board!
%%
A yer ago I kudnt spel jeanyus now I are won.
%%
A yer ago I kudnt spel progrmer now I are won.
%%
Ay, every inch a king.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 6
%%
Ay, Island Gurl, Wot you doin' witda white man werld?
%%
Ay me, how many perils doe enfold
The righteous man, to make him daily fall!
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto viii, St. 1
%%
Ay, now am I in Arden: the more fool I. When I was at home I was in
a better place; but travellers must be content.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
A young doctor requires a big cemetery.
 -- Time-honored Russian Proverb
%%
A younger person will soon take your job.
%%
A young man looks up to and respects his teachers.
 -- Seneca
%%
A young man married is a man that 's marr'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
A young man wrote to Mozart and said:

   Q: "Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me
     any suggestions as to how to get started."
   A: "A symphony is a very complex musical form, perhaps you should
      begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a
       symphony."
   Q: "But Herr Mozart, you were writing symphonies when you were 8
       years old."
   A: "But I never asked anybody how."
%%
A young monk asked his teacher, "What is the true
 spiritual nature of life?"

 His teacher picked up a bowl of water and threw it
 in the student's face, saying "Go wash out your mouth!"
%%
Ay, tear her tattered ensign down!
  Long has it waved on high,
And many an eye has danced to see
  That banner in the sky.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- Old Ironsides
%%
A yuppie is someone who believes it's courageous to eat in a restaurant
 that hasn't been reviewed yet.
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
A yuppie wouldn't salute the flag if it wasn't 100 percent cotton.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
Ay, yi yi yi, I am the Tagline Bandito!
%%
Azathoth/Cthulhu '96. Could they make things any worse?
%%
Azathoth or Cthulhu - why summon any LESSER evil?
%%
A zeal of God, but not according to knowledge.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans x, 2
%%
A zebra cannot change its spots
 -- Al Gore
%%
Azetbur: "The peace process will go forward.  Kirk...Kirk will pay for my
  father's death."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Azetbur: "War is obsolete...as we are in danger of becoming."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Azetbur: "We are a proud race.  And we ... intend to go on being proud."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Azetbur: "We will not extradite the prisoners, and you will make no attempt to
  rescue them in a military operation.  We would consider...any such attempt...
  an act of war."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Azetbur: "What's happened?  What's the meaning of this?"
Kirk: "It's about the future, Madame Chancellor. Some people think the future
means the end of history. They're wrong. We haven't run out of history quite
yet."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Azetbur: "You've restored my father's faith."
Kirk: "And you've restored my son's."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
AZTEC SLIME GOD IMPREGNATES HORRIFIED WORSHIPERS
%%
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes. This may be the
purpose of the universe.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
B4 I4Q, RU/18 QT 3.14
%%
Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool?...
 -- Nursery rhyme
%%
BAAL, n.  An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names.
As Baal he was popular with the Phoenicians; as Belus or Bel he had
the honor to be served by the priest Berosus, who wrote the famous
account of the Deluge; as Babel he had a tower partly erected to his
glory on the Plain of Shinar.  From Babel comes our English word
"babble."  Under whatever name worshiped, Baal is the Sun-god.  As
Beelzebub he is the god of flies, which are begotten of the sun's rays
on the stagnant water.  In Physicia Baal is still worshiped as Bolus,
and as Belly he is adored and served with abundant sacrifice by the
priests of Guttledom.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
BAA
  The sound a sheep makes when trying to communicate its inner
  feelings to the outside world. Unfortunately those in the outside
  world who actually understand this are generally only other sheep.
  But much can be interpreted by merely listening to the tone
  expressed:
       Baa!    -   Imperative
       Baa...  -   Vague
       Baa?    -   Questioning
       ...     -   Stubborn silence
       B-      -   Slaughtered suddenly
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Ba, ba, ba ... ba, Barbara Anne ...
%%
Bababooey! Bababooey!
 -- Howard Stern
%%
BABE or BABY, n.  A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or
condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and
antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.
There have been famous babes; for example, little Moses, from whose
adventure in the bulrushes the Egyptian hierophants of seven centuries
before doubtless derived their idle tale of the child Osiris being
preserved on a floating lotus leaf.

            Ere babes were invented
            The girls were contended.
            Now man is tormented
    Until to buy babes he has squandered
    His money.  And so I have pondered
            This thing, and thought may be
            'T were better that Baby
    The First had been eagled or condored.
                                                               Ro Amil
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Babes are like roads.
%%
Babes prefer hard disks to floppy ones.
%%
Babies are such a nice way to start people.
 -- Don Herold
%%
Babies do it in their pants.
%%
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach...it pisses me
 off!  I'll go over to a little baby and say, "What are you doing here?  You
 haven't worked a day in your life!"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
BABIES: easy to make, hard to deliver.
%%
Babies speak in many languages before they find one that grown-ups understand.
%%
BA: Branch Anywhere
%%
Baby, after considerable thought I've reached the conclusion that the
only conceivable legitimate answer to the Universe as constituted is
a peal of hysterical laughter.
 -- Keith Laumer, _Night of Delusions_
%%
Baby = A new acorn on the family tree.
%%
Baby, baby, baby, I fell from the sun.
 -- The Cult.
%%
Baby baby, I need ya tonight.
%%
Baby! Baby! oo-ah oo-ah! Baby! Baby! oo-ah oo-ah!
%%
BABY Back Ribs.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Baby Bop - Bop that baby!
 -- From the nerf version of Jurassic Park
%%
Baby Bop to T-rex: Ooooo Ooooo I'm...*CHOMP!*
%%
Baby Borg: Isn't he the cutest little thing?
%%
Baby Borg: The cutest little thing you ever saw...
%%
Baby, can you dig your man?
%%
Baby conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission
%%
Baby dragon to Momma dragon: Can I play with it now? Huh huh? Please!
%%
Baby: "Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot."
%%
Baby, I'm your's!
%%
Baby In the Gas Tank
 -- By Who Pumped Ethel
%%
Babylon 5: A science fiction show that *knows* where it's going!
%%
Babylon 5: Casablanca in space.
%%
Babylon 5 is open for business.
%%
Babylon 5 was the last of the Babylon stations.
%%
Babylon is fallen, is fallen.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxi, 9
%%
Babylon's 1 through 3 were sabotaged and destroyed.
%%
Baby needs a new pair of shoes.
 -- Data, "The Royale", stardate 42625.4
%%
Baby oil is NOT made by squeezing dead babies!
%%
Baby On Board.
%%
Baby on board. Just means five more points.
%%
Baby on Board, Mom on Valium.
%%
Baby philosophy: If it stinks, change it.
%%
Baby's heads have no hair,
Old men's heads are just as bare;
Between the cradle and the grave,
Lies a haircut and a shave.

Back to a simpler time of skins and stones!
When things go wrong -- the answer's in the stars
Or evil spells or reading chicken bones
Or sacrifices to all gods but Mars.
 -- Jack Kirwan
%%
Babysitter: A person who gets paid for emptying your fridge, deep freeze,
 kitchen cabinets, and who asks you for money to reimburse the Pizza
 delivery person.
%%
Babysitters charge by the hour.
%%
Baby Sitters: Girls you hired to watch your TV!
%%
Babysitting: Hostage care.
%%
Baby steps to the Runabout.
%%
Baby stork, Mama, where did I come from?
%%
Baby...
 -- The Late Elvis Presley.
%%
Baby we can talk all night but that'll never change the way that I feel.
%%
Baby we will never go back... and If love is real....
%%
Baby What Blue eyes you have, HEY, nice crysknife!
%%
Baby, you're the key to my ignition.
%%
BAC: Branch to Alpha Centauri
%%
Bacchus, ever fair and ever young.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 54
%%
BACCHUS, n.  A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse
for getting drunk.

    Is public worship, then, a sin,
        That for devotions paid to Bacchus
    The lictors dare to run us in,
        And resolutely thump and whack us?
                                                                Jorace
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bacchus, that first from out the purple grape
Crush'd the sweet poison of misused wine.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 46
%%
Bach did it with the organ.
%%
Bachelor cooking is a matter of attitude. If you think of it as setting
 fire to things and making a mess, it's fun. It's not so much fun if you
 think of it as dinner ... Nomenclature is an important part of bachelor
 cooking. If you call it "Italian cheese toast," it's not disgusting to have
 warmed-over pizza for breakfast.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Bachelorhood should be taxed, such happiness is valuable.
%%
Bachelor: one who never Mrs. a girl.
%%
Bachelor: plays the field until the field comes in.
%%
Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd
be married too.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair
 that some men should be happier than others.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Bachelors' wives and old maids' children are always perfect.
 -- Nicolas Chamfort
%%
Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
%%
Bach is like a jetstream, if you can get on it, you soar!
%%
Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.  Handel
was half German, half Italian and half English.  He was very large.  Bach died
from 1750 to the present.  Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He
was so deaf he wrote loud music.  He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him.  Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for
this.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
Back and side go bare, go bare,
  Both foot and hand go cold;
But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
  Whether it be new or old.
 -- Bishop Still (John) (1543-1607)
 -- Gammer Gurton's Needle, Act ii
%%
Back at ya......
%%
BACKBITE, v.t.  To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find
you.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:backbone cabal: n. A group of large-site administrators who pushed
   through the {Great Renaming} and reined in the chaos of {USENET}
   during most of the 1980s.  The cabal {mailing list} disbanded in
   late 1988 after a bitter internal catfight.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:backbone site: n. A key USENET and email site; one that processes
   a large amount of third-party traffic, especially if it is the home
   site of any of the regional coordinators for the USENET maps.
   Notable backbone sites as of early 1993 include uunet and the
   mail machines at Rutgers University, UC Berkeley, {DEC}'s Western
   Research Laboratories, Ohio State University, and the University of
   Texas.  Compare {rib site}, {leaf site}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Back burners not fully operating.
%%
Back.  But it's nice to know you liked it, so thank YOU for replying!
%%
Back Door WIZARD Mode!
You will invalidate your score if you proceed.
Enable WIZARD Mode? [yn]
You feel like a cheater.
%%
Backed up the system lately?
%%
Back fence: shortest distance between two gossips...
%%
BACKFIRE:  Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
%%
Background here is really a lo-tech .bmp
%%
:background: n.,adj.,vt.  To do a task `in background' is to do
   it whenever {foreground} matters are not claiming your undivided
   attention, and `to background' something means to relegate it to
   a lower priority.  "For now, we'll just print a list of nodes and
   links; I'm working on the graph-printing problem in background."
   Note that this implies ongoing activity but at a reduced level or
   in spare time, in contrast to mainstream `back burner' (which
   connotes benign neglect until some future resumption of activity).
   Some people prefer to use the term for processing that they have
   queued up for their unconscious minds (a tack that one can often
   fruitfully take upon encountering an obstacle in creative work).
   Compare {amp off}, {slopsucker}.

   Technically, a task running in background is detached from the
   terminal where it was started (and often running at a lower
   priority); oppose {foreground}.  Nowadays this term is primarily
   associated with {{UNIX}}, but it appears to have been first used
   in this sense on OS/360.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Back in a minute
 -- Godot.
%%
Backing up does not cause severe tire damage...
%%
Backing Up Drive C:..............
%%
Back in my day, we didn't have any of these fancy
disclaimers. We blamed our employers for our opinions, and
they got sued for silly little provocations, and they would
fire us, and we would be sleeping out in the cold and
hungry, and we LIKED it that way
%%
Back in the saddle again...
%%
Back in the twentieth century, the H-bomb was the ultimate weapon,
  their doomsday machine.  And we used something like it to destroy
  another doomsday machine.  Probably the first time such a weapon has
  ever been used for constructive purposes.
 -- Kirk, "The Doomsday Machine," stardate 4202.9.
%%
BACK, n.  That part of your friend which it is your privilege to
contemplate in your adversity.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Back of every achievement is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
 -- Brooks Hays
%%
Back off buddy, I'm a scientist.
 -- Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
%%
Back off man! Don't make me use this!
%%
Back off man! I'm a programmer...
%%
Back off or I'll turn your little man into a torch. I promise him
  exquisite pain.
 -- Lore, "Datalore", stardate 41242.4
%%
Back Row Of The Orchestra: Clara Nett
%%
BACK RUBS--Given with pleasure, received with ecstasy
%%
Back-scratched by cutie with very long nails:  R-E-L-I-E-F
%%
Back-seat driving is a form of duel control.
 -- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
:backspace and overstrike: interj. Whoa!  Back up.  Used to suggest
   that someone just said or did something wrong.  Common among
   APL programmers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"BACK, spawn of Satan! It's the Reverend Wallace Wallop you face, and my
 strength is GREAT, for I do HIS work! This is a battery-powered water
 pistol filled with HOLY WATER!  We don't hold with the Papacy, but
 Lord, LORD -- that Pope can bless water like NOBODY'S business!"
  "Rambo him good in the name of the Lord."
 -- The Rev. Wallace Wallop (and the Missus) dispatch yet another Hellspawn
%%
Back to taxation without representation..
%%
Back to the insanity at hand.
%%
Back to thy punishment,
False fugitive, and to thy speed add wings.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 699
%%
Backup aborted:  Remove disk #92 and start over.
%%
Backup?  I haven't lost my data; it's still in the library somewhere!
%%
Backup is for whimps!
%%
Backup !?!?!?! I thought *YOU* did the backup!
%%
Backup my hard disk? I can't even find the reverse switch!
%%
Back Up My Hard Drive? I don't have a license yet.
%%
Back Up My Hard Drive? Is this a stick shift?
%%
Back up, nah, forward, forever forward me laddies!
%%
Back Up, Not Down.
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (P)anic (D)iarrhea
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etire (P)eefirst
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (B)eat computer to a pulp?
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (D)etonate
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (F)reak Out!
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (K)ill
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (M)assive heart failure?
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (C)ryalot
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic, (O)h &*%$|+@!
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (S)uicide
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell Computer
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)it sheba
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)it shiva
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)oil pants
%%
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
%%
Backup not found: I might as well kill myself now...
%%
Backup not found: (M)umble (G)rumble (E)xpletive deleated?
%%
Backup not found: (P) Panic (Any Other Key) Panic.
%%
Backup not found: (S)o? (R)emain Calm (D)estroy terminal
%%
Backup: Opposite of forward.
%%
Backup - originally to take a security copy of a program or file.
Now used interchageably with pirate and steal.
%%
Backup religiously -- Pray you don't lose anything.
%%
backups: always in season, never out of style.
%%
Backups?  My hard drive won't crash!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Backups?  We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^$,VbKx NO CARRIER
%%
Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups.
%%
Backups??  Why, when we have the Air Force.
%%
Backup - The duplicate copy of crucial data that no one bothered to make.
%%
:backward combatability: /bak'w*rd k*m-bat'*-bil'*-tee/ [from
   `backward compatibility'] n.  A property of hardware or software
   revisions in which previous protocols, formats, layouts, etc. are
   irrevocably discarded in favor of `new and improved' protocols,
   formats, and layouts, leaving the previous ones not merely
   deprecated but actively defeated.  (Too often, the old and new
   versions cannot definitively be distinguished, such that lingering
   instances of the previous ones yield crashes or other infelicitous
   effects, as opposed to a simple "version mismatch" message.)  A
   backwards compatible change, on the other hand, allows old versions
   to coexist without crashes or error messages, but too many major
   changes incorporating elaborate backwards compatibility processing
   can lead to extreme {software bloat}.  See also {flag
   day}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BACKWARD CONDITIONING:
Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.
%%
Backward, flow backward, O tide of the years!
I am so weary of toil and of tears,--
Toil without recompense, tears all in vain!
Take them, and give me my childhood again!
 -- Elizabeth Akers Allen (1832-1911)
 -- Rock me to sleep
%%
Backward ran sentences until reeled the mind.
 -- Wolcott Gibbs
%%
Backwards thinking. I plan dates backwards: The movie's at ten, that means
 I pick her up at nine, that means I'm in the shower at eight, that means
 I'm running at seven, that means I leave work at six, that means I get to
 work at nine, that means I'm asleep the night before at midnight, that
 means ... I'm late now. I can't make it.
 -- Larry Miller
%%
Backward, turn backward, O Time, in your flight!
Make me a child again, just for to-night!
 -- Elizabeth Akers Allen (1832-1911)
 -- Rock me to sleep
%%
Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere, uphill both ways
 and it was always snowing.
%%
Back when I was a boy, we had to carve our own ICs out of wood!
%%
Back when I was attending the University of Utah, The Daily Utah Chronicle
ran a joke ad for a debate between Phil Donahue and Whiskers the Lamb.
Over 30 people showed up.  (what they were expecting, God only knows.)
%%
Back when I was yer age.. Wait.. I'm not there yet..
%%
BACON didn't write SHAKESPEARE; SHAKESPEARE ate BACON!
%%
Bacon, Roger:  An English friar who dabbled in science and made
   experimentation fashionable.  Bacon was the first
   science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and
   talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad
   diets of the period.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Bacteria acts more intelligent than human beings
%%
Bacteria: Rear entrance to a cafeteria.
%%
... bacteriological warfare...hard to believe we were once foolish
  enough to play around with that.
 -- McCoy, "The Omega Glory," stardate unknown.
%%
Bad advice has consequences as well.
%%
Bad artists always admire each other's work.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
:BAD: /B-A-D/ [IBM: acronym, `Broken As Designed'] adj. Said
   of a program that is {bogus} because of bad design and misfeatures
   rather than because of bugginess.  See {working as designed}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BAD: Branch And Die
%%
BAD: Branch to Auto Destruct
%%
Bad breath is better than no breath.
%%
Bad command.  Bad, bad command!  Sit!  Stay!  Staaay...
%%
Bad Command or Filename.
%%
Bad Command or Filename...It's all your fault!
%%
Bad command or file name..STUPID!
%%
Bad Command!  You'll have to have a timeout until you can behave.
%%
Bad company is like a nail driven into a post, which, after the first
or second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but being
once driven up to the head, the pincers cannot take hold to draw
it out, but which can only be done by the destruction of the wood.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
Bad cop.  No donut!  Bad cop.  No donut!
 -- Portland Protest Chant
%%
Bad Cow Jokes: Terry Bull
%%
Bad Credit? No Credit? No Problem.  No Money? Problem.
%%
Bad day.. my inflatable girlfriend exploded.
%%
Bad day: The moderator has you on his twit list.
%%
Bad day to drive off a cliff.
%%
B.A.D.D. - Brotherhood Against Dink Doers
%%
B.A.D.D. news, kid.  Roleplaying is dangerous!
%%
Bad excuse is better than none.
 -- Nicolas Udals
%%
Bad FAT?  My hard disk has high cholesterol?
%%
"Badger!  Grab something and *hang on*!"
  "Right-Oh!  I'm hanging onto this 1890 Liberty Head Silver Dollar!"
 -- Badger, Judah and Nexus battening down the hatches, from "Nexus"
%%
Badgers?!  We don't need no stinkin' badgers!
%%
"Badger, what kind of amplifier should I get?"
  "A BIG one."
 -- The Badger giving out Hi-Fi advice
%%
"Badges?  We don't need no steenken badges!"
 -- "Treasure of the Sierra Madres"
%%
Bad Girl: nothing but a good girl found out.
%%
Bad habits are hard to form.
 -- The Locker Gnome
%%
Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard
to get out of.
%%
Bad habits?  I have nun.
%%
Bad in the best, though excellent in neither.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- The Passionate Pilgrim, iii
%%
Bad Investment: Les Riches
%%
Bad is never good until worse happens: Danish proverb
%%
Bad judgement + experience + luck = good judgement.
%%
"Bad knee, gotta run"
 -- Pat Buchanan to his draft board
%%
Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed.
 -- Dalin B. Oaks
%%
Bad laws are the worst sort of tyranny.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
BADLINE#2-Hey baby, you know you want to hate yourself in the morning.
%%
Bad luck, Ballders.
Don't worry, my lord. The arrow didn't in fact enter my body. By a
  thousand to one chance, my willy got in the way.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Bells
%%
Bad luck comes by the pound, and leaves by the ounce.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon.
%%
Bad luck is universal. Don't take it personally.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Bad men live that they may eat and drink,
whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
 -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
bad module/chip at: %s
%%
Bad money drives out good.
 -- Sir Thomas Gresham
%%
Bad nerves are inheritable - we get 'em from our children.
%%
Badness, look you, you may choose easily in a heap: level is the path,
and right near it dwells. But before Virtue the immortal gods have
put the sweat of man's brow; and long and steep is the way to it,
and rugged at the first.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 287
%%
Bad news about the two lighthouse keepers --
their marriage is on the rocks.
%%
Bad news does not improve with age.
 -- Jody Powell
%%
Bad news drives good news out of the media.
 -- Lee Loevinger
%%
Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step.
 -- Don McLean
%%
Bad news travels fast.
%%
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
 -- George Jean Nathan
%%
Bad or missing BEER.CAN. End universe? Y/y.
%%
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (y/n)
%%
Bad or missing sysop.
%%
Bad scrabble player: inconsonant with no vowel movement.
%%
Bad shorts!
 -- Batty
%%
"Bad Sink" by Lee King
%%
Bad spellers of the world, untie!
%%
Bad spot on the disk.
%%
Bad style destroys an otherwise superb program.
%%
Bad taste is timeless.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
:Bad Thing: [from the 1930 Sellar & Yeatman parody "1066 And
   All That"] n. Something that can't possibly result in improvement
   of the subject.  This term is always capitalized, as in "Replacing
   all of the 9600-baud modems with bicycle couriers would be a Bad
   Thing".  Oppose {Good Thing}.  British correspondents confirm
   that {Bad Thing} and {Good Thing} (and prob. therefore {Right
   Thing} and {Wrong Thing}) come from the book referenced in the
   etymology, which discusses rulers who were Good Kings but Bad
   Things.  This has apparently created a mainstream idiom on the
   British side of the pond.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bad times have a scientific value...
We learn geology the morning after the earthquake.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
BAD TO THE BONE I'M BABABABAD TO THE BONE !
%%
Bad TV don't make Bad Kids, Bad Parenting Does.
%%
Bad waltzers are grasping at Strauss.
%%
Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
%%
Bad weather reports are more often right than the good ones.
 -- Murphy's Thirty-Sixth Law
%%
BAF: Blow All Fuses
%%
Baffles! I've harkened my henus!
 -- Atrillo Trilobite
%%
BAFL: Branch And FLush
%%
Bagbiter:
     1. n.; Equipment or program that fails, usually
intermittently.  2. adj.:  Failing hardware or software.  "This
bagbiting system won't let me get out of spacewar."  Usage:  verges on
obscenity.  Grammatically separable; one may speak of "biting the
bag".  Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS, BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS,
CHOMPER, CHOMPING.
%%
:bagbiter: /bag'bi:t-*r/ n. 1. Something, such as a program or a
   computer, that fails to work, or works in a remarkably clumsy
   manner.  "This text editor won't let me make a file with a line
   longer than 80 characters!  What a bagbiter!"  2. A person who has
   caused you some trouble, inadvertently or otherwise, typically by
   failing to program the computer properly.  Synonyms: {loser},
   {cretin}, {chomper}.  3. `bite the bag' vi. To fail in some
   manner.  "The computer keeps crashing every five minutes."
   "Yes, the disk controller is really biting the bag."  The
   original loading of these terms was almost undoubtedly obscene,
   possibly referring to the scrotum, but in their current usage they
   have become almost completely sanitized.

   ITS's {lexiphage} program is the first and to date only known
   example of a program *intended* to be a bagbiter.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bagbiting: adj. Having the quality of a {bagbiter}.  "This
   bagbiting system won't let me compute the factorial of a negative
   number."  Compare {losing}, {cretinous}, {bletcherous},
   `barfucious' (under {barfulous}) and `chomping' (under
   {chomp}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bagdad in flames! Missles coming! Film at 11.
%%
Bagel: A pretzel that got its head together.
 -- Ron Smith
%%
Bagel bakers settle...kneadless strike ends!
%%
Bagels, Lox, Cream Cheese  --  YUM YUM !!
%%
Baghdad is Arabic for molten glass...
%%
:bag on the side: n. An extension to an established hack that is
   supposed to add some functionality to the original.  Usually
   derogatory, implying that the original was being overextended and
   should have been thrown away, and the new product is ugly,
   inelegant, or bloated.  Also v. phrase, `to hang a bag on the side
   [of]'.  "C++?  That's just a bag on the side of C ...."
   "They want me to hang a bag on the side of the accounting
   system."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bagpipe - a flute built to government specs.
%%
Bagpipe: Stuff cat under arm. Pull legs and chew tail.
%%
BAH: Branch And Hang
%%
Bah! Humbug! I CRAP on your Spitulous Creeds!
 -- Mickey Mouse
%%
"Bah!  You can't make a sow's ear out of a cheap thug!"
 -- Ham re-iterates one of Circe's old complaints in "The Badger"
%%
Bailiffs always come to order.
%%
Bailiff, whack his peepee!
%%
BAIT, n.  A preparation that renders the hook more palatable.  The
best kind is beauty.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bake 350 for 40 minutes - cat should be flaky, not tough.
%%
Baked Alaskan.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
BakerDos 4.0: (O)ffer a jelly baby; (C)onfuse 'em; (S)earch pockets
%%
Bakers do it for the dough.
%%
Baker's Dozen: Twelve of today's doughnuts and one of yesterday's.
 -- Johnny Hart ("BC")
%%
Bakers knead it daily.
%%
Baker, Swaggart...Only 3 To Go!
%%
Balance the budget.  Declare politicians a game species!
%%
BALC: Branch And Link Cheeseburger
%%
Bald: follicularly challenged.
%%
Bald: hairing impaired.
%%
Bald men don't waste their hormones growing hair.
%%
Baldness is a kind of failure.  Wish I'd made the greyed.
 -- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all
  his hellish instruments of death, would be as nothing compared
  to five minutes with me...and this pencil.
 -- Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending
  with me cutting you into long strips and telling the Prince that
  you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy
  hat?
 -- Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
Baldrick, go forth into the street and let it be known that Lord
  Blackadder wishes to sell his house. Percy...just go forth into the
  street.
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
Baldrick, I gave you two notes. You sent the note asking for a sponge
  bag to the finest mind in English legal history, and you sent
  the note requesting legal representation to...?
(George enters) Well tally-ho, with a bing and a bong and a
                  buzz buzz buzz...
Oh God...
 -- Edmund and George : Corporal Punishment
%%
Baldrick! I love you! I want to kiss your cherry lips and nibble
  your shell-like ears!
 -- Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
Baldrick, in the Amazonian rainforest there are tribes as yet untouched
  by civilization who have developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin
  impressions than yours.
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest and
  friendly companionship.
Ah. Thankyou, Mr.B.
But as we both know, it would be an utter lie. I will therefore
  confine myself to saying, simply, 'Sod Off', and if I ever meet
  you again it'll be twenty billion years too soon.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Sense and Senility
%%
Baldrick, _our_ plan is to find a new leading lady. What is
  _your_ plan?
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
Baldrick! Thank you for introducing me to a genuinely new experience!
What experience is that?
Being pleased to see you...
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Amy and Amiability
%%
Baldrick, this is Molly ; an inexpensive prostitute.
  Molly, this is Baldrick...a pointless peasant.
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
Baldrick? Who gave you permission to turn into an Alsatian? Oh
  God, it's a dream, isn't it. It's a bloody dream...
 -- Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
Baldrick, why is half the front page missing?
...I don't know.
You _do_ know, don't you.
Yes.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Amy and Amiability
%%
Baldric, you wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and
danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing, "Subtle Plans Are Here Again"
 -- Atkinson, Black Adder
%%
Bald spot?  No -- solar panel for brain power.
%%
"Ballad del Gunfighters" by The Okay Chorale
%%
BALLERINAS do it en point
%%
Ballet dancers do it on tip-toe.
%%
Ballet: Often the same thing as opera, when a person is inhibited and can
 not sing, so they dance, or do something that passes for a dance, on the
 tips of their toes.
%%
BALLI, BALLI, BALLI !  Whatever you say!
 -- Useful phrases to know when traveling in moslem areas
%%
balling up: (1) transforming crampons into short skis. (2) fun and games at
increasingly higher altitudes. both are possible at the same time, but
difficult.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
BALLISTOPHOBIA:
  Fear of bullets;
OTOPHOBIA:
  Fear of opening one's eyes.
PECCATOPHOBIA:
  Fear of sinning.
TAPHEPHOBIA:
  Fear of being buried alive.
SITOPHOBIA:
  Fear of food.
TRICHOPHOBIA:
  Fear of hair.
VESTIPHOBIA:
  Fear of clothing.
%%
Ballmer & Gates voodoo dolls for sale: 1-800-KILL-WIN
%%
Balloons and Government both require Hot Air to float
%%
"Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father - hairy
blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy,
flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie."
 -- Monty Python
%%
Balsa splintered while you wait.
%%
BALTIMORE:
    A wharf-rat stealing Diogenes' lamp.
%%
Baltimore, n.:
Where the women wear turtleneck sweaters to hide their flea collars.
%%
Bambi could never have been a mother if her hart hadn't been in the
right place.
 -- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
Bambification:
 The mental conversion of flesh and blood living creatures into
cartoon characters possessing borgeois Judeo-Christian attitudes and
morals.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Bamboo sweeps the stairs, but the dust is undisturbed.
%%
:bamf: /bamf/ 1. [from old X-Men comics] interj. Notional sound
   made by a person or object teleporting in or out of the hearer's
   vicinity.  Often used in {virtual reality} (esp. {MUD})
   electronic {fora} when a character wishes to make a dramatic
   entrance or exit.  2. The sound of magical transformation, used in
   virtual reality {fora} like sense 1.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BANANA: Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything
%%
:banana label: n. The labels often used on the sides of {macrotape}
   reels, so called because they are shaped roughly like blunt-ended
   bananas.  This term, like macrotapes themselves, is still current
   but visibly headed for obsolescence.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Banana pickers do it in bunches.
%%
:banana problem: n. [from the story of the little girl who said "I
   know how to spell `banana', but I don't know when to stop"].  Not
   knowing where or when to bring a production to a close (compare
   {fencepost error}).  One may say `there is a banana problem' of an
   algorithm with poorly defined or incorrect termination conditions,
   or in discussing the evolution of a design that may be succumbing
   to featuritis (see also {creeping elegance}, {creeping
   featuritis}).  See item 176 under {HAKMEM}, which describes a
   banana problem in a {Dissociated Press} implementation.  Also,
   see {one-banana problem} for a superficially similar but
   unrelated usage.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bananas are a waste of time. After you skin them and throw the bone away,
 there's nothing left to eat.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
Bananas make great slippers!
%%
BANANAS: What baby prefers to clay.
%%
Ban Censorship!
%%
Bandaid!!!...Damnit Jim, I'm a paramedic...er uh..oh..OK....
%%
Band members do it all night.
%%
Band members do it in a parade.
%%
Band members do it in front of 100,000 people.
%%
Band members do it in public.
%%
Band members do it in sectionals.
%%
Band members do it on the football field.
%%
Band members play all night.
%%
Bands that Belong Together

Beach Boys and UB40
Fine Young Cannibals and Missing Persons
Guess Who and Who
Kansas and Toto
Madonna and Super Tramp
Milli Vanilli and The Pretenders
Styx and Stones
%%
:bandwidth: n. 1. Used by hackers (in a generalization of its
   technical meaning) as the volume of information per unit time that a
   computer, person, or transmission medium can handle.  "Those are
   amazing graphics, but I missed some of the detail -- not enough
   bandwidth, I guess."  Compare {low-bandwidth}.  2. Attention
   span.  3. On {USENET}, a measure of network capacity that is
   often wasted by people complaining about how items posted by others
   are a waste of bandwidth.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Banectomy, n.: The removal of bruises on a banana.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
BANES: a type of food.  "Ah love pinto banes!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
:bang: 1. n. Common spoken name for `!' (ASCII 0100001),
   especially when used in pronouncing a {bang path} in spoken
   hackish.  In {elder days} this was considered a CMUish usage,
   with MIT and Stanford hackers preferring {excl} or {shriek};
   but the spread of UNIX has carried `bang' with it (esp. via the
   term {bang path}) and it is now certainly the most common spoken
   name for `!'.  Note that it is used exclusively for
   non-emphatic written `!'; one would not say "Congratulations
   bang" (except possibly for humorous purposes), but if one wanted
   to specify the exact characters `foo!' one would speak "Eff oh oh
   bang".  See {shriek}, {{ASCII}}.  2. interj. An exclamation
   signifying roughly "I have achieved enlightenment!", or "The
   dynamite has cleared out my brain!"  Often used to acknowledge
   that one has perpetrated a {thinko} immediately after one has
   been called on it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bang! goes the kanga off the bonnet of the van...
%%
Bangin' on the bongos like a chim-pan-zee
%%
Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows.
%%
:bang on: vt. To stress-test a piece of hardware or software: "I
   banged on the new version of the simulator all day yesterday and it
   didn't crash once.  I guess it is ready for release."  The term
   {pound on} is synonymous.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bang path: n. An old-style UUCP electronic-mail address specifying
   hops to get from some assumed-reachable location to the addressee,
   so called because each {hop} is signified by a {bang} sign.
   Thus, for example, the path ...!bigsite!foovax!barbox!me
   directs people to route their mail to machine bigsite (presumably
   a well-known location accessible to everybody) and from there
   through the machine foovax to the account of user me on
   barbox.

   In the bad old days of not so long ago, before autorouting mailers
   became commonplace, people often published compound bang addresses
   using the { } convention (see {glob}) to give paths from
   *several* big machines, in the hopes that one's correspondent
   might be able to get mail to one of them reliably (example:
   ...!{seismo, ut-sally, ihnp4}!rice!beta!gamma!me).  Bang paths
   of 8 to 10 hops were not uncommon in 1981.  Late-night dial-up
   UUCP links would cause week-long transmission times.  Bang paths
   were often selected by both transmission time and reliability, as
   messages would often get lost.  See {{Internet address}},
   {network, the}, and {sitename}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Banish Evil from the world? Nonsense! Encourage it, foster it, sponsor it. The
world owes Evil a debt beyond imagination. Think! Without greed ambition
falters. Without vanity art becomes idle musing. Without cruelty benevolence
lapses to passivity. Superstition has shamed man into self-reliance and,
without stupidity, where would be the savor of superior understanding?
 -- Magnus Ridolf
%%
Banish me to Babbledegook! No, No! I DID my time!
%%
Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
BANJO PLAYERS pluck with a stiff pick.
%%
Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
%%
Bankers do it for money, but there is a penalty for early withdrawal.
%%
Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal).
%%
Bankers' Hours: That part of the day when it is too hot to play golf.
%%
Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough
money to cover losses due to mismanagement.
 -- Dan Quayle
%%
Bank for virgins - Chaste Manhattan
%%
Bank on God for a higher rate of interest.
%%
Bankrupt Association Termed in Poor Shape
 -- Lawrence (KA) Journal-World 7/12/77
%%
Bankrupture: A Fiscal Hernia.
%%
Banned in 34 countries.
%%
Banned on Big Blue.
%%
:banner: n. 1. The title page added to printouts by most print
   spoolers (see {spool}).  Typically includes user or account ID
   information in very large character-graphics capitals.  Also called
   a `burst page', because it indicates where to burst (tear apart)
   fanfold paper to separate one user's printout from the next.  2. A
   similar printout generated (typically on multiple pages of fan-fold
   paper) from user-specified text, e.g., by a program such as UNIX's
   `banner({1,6})'.  3. On interactive software, a first screen
   containing a logo and/or author credits and/or a copyright notice.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Banners flout the sky.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Banquet at McDonalds: Tommy Ayk
%%
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
%%
BAP: Branch And Punt
%%
Baptism: A kind of damp bar mitzvah.
%%
BAPTISM, n.  A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself
in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever.  It is
performed with water in two ways -- by immersion, or plunging, and by
aspersion, or sprinkling.

    But whether the plan of immersion
    Is better than simple aspersion
        Let those immersed
        And those aspersed
    Decide by the Authorized Version,
    And by matching their agues tertian.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Baptist angels don't dance anywhere.
%%
Baptists do it under water.
%%
Baptists don't like to discuss their sex lies.
%%
Baptists don't make love standing up.  It's too close to dancing.
%%
Barbara Bush, our current first lady, assures us she can wipe out
 illiteracy in Washington, but it will take moving Dan Quayle to Virginia to
 get the job done.
%%
BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Barbara Walters? Ugh...me prefer deer.
%%
Barbarians do it with anything.  (As do orcs.)
%%
:bar: /bar/ n. 1. The second {metasyntactic variable}, after {foo}
   and before {baz}.  "Suppose we have two functions: FOO and BAR.
   FOO calls BAR...."  2. Often appended to {foo} to produce
   {foobar}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BARBERS do it and end up with soaping hair.
%%
Barbers do it with Brylcreem.
%%
Barbers do it with scissors.
%%
Barbers do it with shear pleasure.
%%
Barbers in Waterloo, Nebraska, are forbidden by law to eat onions
between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.
%%
Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away!
 But Ken says, WOO-WOO!!  No credit at ``Mr. Liquor''!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Barb Y.R. Fence
%%
Bar Chart: A list of places to go when it's Miller Time.
%%
Barclay Burger:    (Don't eat me, please!)
%%
Barclaycard - Its trendy to be in debt.
%%
Barclay: "Commander..."
LaForge: "What?"
Barclay: "You're too late."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "Commander..."
LaForge: "Yeah, Reg?"
Barclay: "Thanks for uh, assigning me to this mission."
LaForge: "Don't mention it. You're one of my top engineers, it's about time you
got in on some of the interesting stuff."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
Barclay: "Computer, begin new program.  Create as follows, workstation here.
  Now, create a standard alpha-numeric console positioned for the left hand.
  Now, an iconic-display console positioned for the right hand.  Tie both
  consoles into the Enterprise main computer core utilizing neural scan
  interface."
Computer: "There is no such device on file."
Barclay: "No problem.  Here's how you build it."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "Deanna, I've always wanted to earn your respect."
Troi: "You've got it...from all of us."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "Do you suppose this has changed the way people think about me?"
LaForge: "Well, to tell you the truth, Reg, we don't know what to think."
Barclay: "I have been concerned about that, but soon everyone will be able to
understand what I can do for humanity!"
LaForge: "What do you mean?"
Barclay: "We have always perceived that the maximum speed of the Enterprise was
a function of warp. But I know now, there are no limits. We will explore new
worlds that we could never before have reached in our own lifetime.  *I* will
take us to them."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "Hello, Deanna."
Troi: "Reg..."
Barclay: "I'm sorry we can't take that walk at the Arboretum."
Troi: "So am I."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "I mean, I am the guy who writes down things to remember to say when
  there's a party, and when he finally gets there, he winds up alone, in the
  corner, trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant."
 -- "Hollow Pursuits", Stardate 43807.4.
%%
Barclay: "I'm sorry, Captain.  I was only trying to help."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "I'm sorry if I overstepped my authority."
LaForge: "Don't mention it."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
Barclay: "I understand."
LaForge: "You 'understand'?"
Barclay: "Everything!"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "I want you to know, Lieutenant Worf, that I understand your duty in
  this matter..."
Worf: "Phasers, maximum setting."
Barclay: "...and that I will in no way take your actions personally."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "Lieutenant Barclay to Captain Picard, you can fire photon torpedoes,
  maximum yield, full spread."
Riker: "We're too close."
Barclay: "I'm certain the shields will hold."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
Barclay: "May I?  Checkmate in nine moves."
Troi: "I didn't know you played chess."
Barclay: "I don't."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44721.9
%%
Barclay: "My primary and cerebral functions are now operating almost entirely
  from within the computer.  They have expanded to such a degree that it would
  be *impossible* to return to the confines of my human brain.  Any attempt to
  do so would mean my death."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "Our computer was too slow to compensate for the overload
on the array,
  so I created an interface that communicated my thoughts directly to the
  central processing unit."
Riker: "Exactly what does that mean?"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "We could repair all of the reactors, simultaneously, instead of 'one-
  by-one'."
Picard: "'Simultaneously'?  All eighteen?"
Barclay: "Yes."
LaForge: "But the Argus computer is inoperable"
Barclay: "Not entirely.  The core memory is still intact.  We could program a
  completely new control system."
Data: "An interesting suggestion, Lieutenant.  However, that approach would
  require more time than our original plan.  At least seven weeks."
Barclay: "I could have it ready for you in two days."
Riker: "What?!"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Barclay: "You really, you really don't have to do that."
Troi: "I know."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44721.9
%%
Barclay: "You shouldn't have to wait too long for the results."
Beverly: "What do you mean?"
Barclay: "Couldn't you use a global mode in your scanner?  It would be a lot
  faster."
Beverly: "That's not possible.  We're talking about human cells here, not
  isolinear circuits.  I think you'd better stick to Engineering, Lieutenant."
Barclay: "A cell has an electromagnetic signature, just as a circuit element
  does.  Theoretically, it should work, with just a few adjustments.  I could
  set it up for you if you like."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
BAR CODE: Electronic device to help locate bars.
%%
Bards do it for audiences.
%%
Bards do it then make into a bawdy tale.
%%
Bards do it to music.
%%
Bards make good cannon fodder.
%%
Bard, smard.  I want a fighter.
%%
Barebear: A very worn teddy bear kept from childhood.
%%
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the floor --
especially in the dark.
 -- Al Ross
%%
Barefoot girl sitting on the hood of Dodge, drinking warm beer, outside
in the alley.
%%
Bare the mean heart that lurks behind a star.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Satire i, Book ii, Line 110
%%
:barf: /barf/ [from mainstream slang meaning `vomit']
   1. interj.  Term of disgust.  This is the closest hackish
   equivalent of the Val\-speak "gag me with a spoon". (Like,
   euwww!)  See {bletch}.  2. vi. To say "Barf!" or emit some
   similar expression of disgust.  "I showed him my latest hack and
   he barfed" means only that he complained about it, not that he
   literally vomited.  3. vi. To fail to work because of unacceptable
   input, perhaps with a suitable error message, perhaps not.
   Examples: "The division operation barfs if you try to divide by
   0."  (That is, the division operation checks for an attempt to
   divide by zero, and if one is encountered it causes the operation
   to fail in some unspecified, but generally obvious, manner.) "The
   text editor barfs if you try to read in a new file before writing
   out the old one."  See {choke}, {gag}.  In Commonwealth
   Hackish, `barf' is generally replaced by `puke' or `vom'.
   {barf} is sometimes also used as a {metasyntactic variable},
   like {foo} or {bar}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Barfingnewgen: German Car Sickness.
%%
:barfmail: n. Multiple {bounce message}s accumulating to the
   level of serious annoyance, or worse.  The sort of thing that
   happens when an inter-network mail gateway goes down or
   wonky.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BARF-NET : For the Bulemic in YOU!
%%
:barfulation: /bar`fyoo-lay'sh*n/ interj. Variation of {barf}
   used around the Stanford area.  An exclamation, expressing disgust.
   On seeing some particularly bad code one might exclaim,
   "Barfulation!  Who wrote this, Quux?"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:barfulous: /bar'fyoo-l*s/ adj. (alt. `barfucious',
   /bar-fyoo-sh*s/) Said of something that would make anyone barf,
   if only for esthetic reasons.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bargain: Something you can't use at a price you can't resist.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
BARGIN BIN, BARGIN BIN, BIN HAD, BIN BAD.
%%
Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails...
%%
Barium: What you do when somebody dies.
%%
Barium: What you do with dead chemists.
%%
Barkis is willin'.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- David Copperfield, Chap. v
%%
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and
west poles.
%%
Barney - A Jurassic Park DNA sequencing error between dino & Bozo
%%
Barney and Baby Bop at Jurassic Park = A happy Velociraptor.
%%
Barney and Baby Bop MUST DIE!
%%
Barney: A Smurf on steroids.
%%
Barney (Bar-Knee) n. 1) Well known purple mutant eggplant from Hell.
%%
Barney beer: for parents who haven't been driven over the edge yet.
%%
Barney Burgers!  Get your red-hot Barney Burgers!
%%
Barney: Dino on drugs.
%%
Barney eaten by Jurassic Park 'raptor. Millions rejoice!
%%
Barney & Friends - An adult's virtual reality trip through Jurassic Park.
%%
Barney is a purple velociraptor, and he loves your kids!
%%
Barney is a velociraptor.
%%
Barney is David Koresh reincarnated, I have proof.
%%
Barney is the Conspiracy's way of preparing children for Rush Limbaugh.
%%
Barney is to television what the Werner-Beast is to Fidonet
%%
Barney - Jurassic Park T. REX embryo injected with Purple Haze.
%%
:barney: n. In Commonwealth hackish, `barney' is to {fred}
   (sense #1) as {bar} is to {foo}.  That is, people who
   commonly use `fred' as their first metasyntactic variable will
   often use `barney' second.  The reference is, of course, to Fred
   Flintstone and Barney Rubble in the Flintstones cartoons.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Barney of Borg: Being assimilated is fun!
%%
Barney of Borg: I love you. You love me. We're a happy Borg entity.
%%
Barney of Borg: You will be assimilated because I love you.
%%
Barney on drugs: Pure-acid Park.
%%
Barney Park - Like Jurassic Park for kids.  But something STARTED wrong.
%%
Barney should tour the La Brea Tar Pits - from the inside!
%%
Barney's Role in Jurassic Park:  Raptor food.
%%
Barney the dinosaur is the AntiChrist... I have proof.
%%
        Barney Theme Song

    I love you, you love me,
 I brainwash your kids with TV
Buy my stuff, spend spend spend,
 I just want to be your friend
 -- Karl Rademacher, gsu0010@ecn.uxa
%%
Barney: The only known Molestasaur in existance.
%%
Barney: The reason Mr. Rogers now feels macho.
%%
Barney, turn around and back this way... right over this meat grinder!
%%
Barney: What happens when you feed a smurf after midnight.
%%
Barney: What you get when you choke a smurf.
%%
Barney...  Windows...  Is there a connection?
%%
Barney/Xuxa '96 - Leadership through brainwashing kids
%%
Barnum was wrong ... it's more like every 30 seconds.
%%
Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we
are having.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
barometer: scientific instrument used to locate mountain taverns.
see brake bar.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
:baroque: adj. Feature-encrusted; complex; gaudy; verging on
   excessive.  Said of hardware or (esp.) software designs, this has
   many of the connotations of {elephantine} or {monstrosity} but is
   less extreme and not pejorative in itself.  "Metafont even has
   features to introduce random variations to its letterform output.
   Now *that* is baroque!"  See also {rococo}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Baroque: (def.) When you are out of Monet!
%%
BARRACK, n.  A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of
which it is their business to deprive others.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
BARRY..  That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of
 ``I DID IT MY WAY'' I've ever heard!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
bar-tacking: sideways veering when approaching or leaving a mountain tavern.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Bart:   "But, Dad, you're giving in to mob mentality."
Homer:  "No, I'm not.  I'm hopping on the band wagon.  Now come on son, get
 with the winning team."
 -- "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
Bart ... don't! Uh-uh, baby. I *have* to!
%%
Bartel: "Can I help you, sir?"
Scott: "Oh, I don't think so, lassie, but I'll let you know if you can."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Bartender! Another Beer!
%%
Bartender, I'd like whatever the man on the floor was drinking.
%%
Bartenders do it on the rocks.
%%
Bartender, set up a tab for me. Richard's buying the beer!
%%
Bart is an underachiever and is.. um... how should I put this... "proud of it."
 -- School psychiatrist in Bart Gets An 'F'  "The Simpsons"
%%
Bart:   "Is it okay if the balloons say 'Happy Birthday' on them?"
Herman: "Err, I'd rather they say 'Death From Above', but I guess that'll do."
 -- "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
Bart:  "I think this guy's a little crazy."
Grandpa: "General Patton was a little crazy.  This guy's totally out of his
mind!  We can't fail!"
 -- "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
"Bart, meet the new champ."
 -- Lisa in "Burp Contest" (Tracy Ullman Show), from The Simpsons
%%
Bart:  "Sir, did you lose your arm in the war?"
Herman (?):  "Well, let's just say that the next time your teacher tells you
 not to stick your arm out the bus window, you DO IT!"
 -- "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
Bart:  "You gotta help me!  These two guys work me night and day.  They don't
feed me.  They make me sleep on the floor.  They put anti-freeze in the wine
and they gave my red hat to the donkey!"
French policeman:  "Anti-freeze in the wine?!  That is a very serious crime!"
 -- English subtitles in "Crepes of Wrath", from The Simpsons
%%
"Bart, you say butt kisser like it's a bad thing!"
 -- Homer in "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
Base 10 numbers are still not accepted by a number of older people who grew up
with shillings and crowns.
%%
Base 2 is a difficult base for computers to perform arithmetic in, particularly
if the task involves variables, negative, fixed or floating point numbers.
%%
Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
base address n.
        Low-rent accommodation of the kind frequented by operators,
application programmers, and other no-collar workers. Even
cheaper accommodation is possible - a relative address - if
you have an aunt or an uncle living in the area.
%%
BASEBALL
  A pointless little game in which a couple of dozen people run
  around a diamond formation as fast as they can, just to get back to
  where they started. Beats me why they didn't just stay at home base
  in the first place. In between, they throw small round things back
  and forth, and try to hit them very hard with a long metal or
  wooden bat. Which is pretty cruel on the small round things. And
  the bats probably don't enjoy it much either.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Baseball has been bery bery gooood to me.
%%
Baseball, Hotdogs, Apple pie, NRA!
%%
Baseball is a simple game.
You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.
 -- Nuke LaLouche
%%
Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game -- it, and high
taxes.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Baseball is a slow, sluggish game, with frequent and trivial interruptions,
offering the spectator many opportunities to reflect at leisure upon the
situation on the field: This is what a fan loves most about the game.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Baseball is ninety percent mental.  The other half is physical.
%%
Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.
 -- Mary McGrory
%%
BASEBALL PLAYERS do it for a lot of money
%%
BASEBALL PLAYERS do it in teams
%%
Baseball players do it with their bats.
%%
Baseball players hit more home runs.
%%
Baseball players make it to first base.
%%
Baseball serves as a good model for democracy in action: Every player is
equally important and each has a chance to be a hero.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Baseball wrong - no man can walk with four balls.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
 think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
 (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
 (2) Advising the President.
 (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
 -- David Letterman
%%
Base Envy withers at another's joy,
And hates that excellence it cannot reach.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Spring, Line 283
%%
Base is the slave that pays.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Base wealth preferring to eternal praise.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxiii, Line 368
%%
Bash any key, and put this puppy out of my wife's misery.
%%
bashie: climber who pendulums out of control.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Bashir on Borg: I'd be hostile to if my poop was cubed!
%%
:BASIC: [acronym, from Beginner's All-purpose Symbolic Instruction
   Code] n. A programming language, originally designed for
   Dartmouth's experimental timesharing system in the early 1960s,
   which has since become the leading cause of brain-damage in
   proto-hackers.  This is another case (like {Pascal}) of the
   cascading lossage that happens when a language deliberately
   designed as an educational toy gets taken too seriously.  A novice
   can write short BASIC programs (on the order of 10--20 lines) very
   easily; writing anything longer is (a) very painful, and (b)
   encourages bad habits that will make it harder to use more powerful
   languages well.  This wouldn't be so bad if historical accidents
   hadn't made BASIC so common on low-end micros.  As it is, it ruins
   thousands of potential wizards a year.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Basic Airline Flying: Keep the pointy end forward
%%
Basically a dog person.   I certainly, though, wouldn't want to
offend my constituents who are cat people, and I should say that
being, I hope, a sensitive person, that I have nothing against
cats, and had cats when I was a boy, and if we didn't have the
two dogs might very well be interested in having a cat now.
 -- Incoming Missouri Congressman James Talent,
 -- responding to the question Are you a dog or a cat person?
%%
Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike.  The first is,
 we both like to spread our "stink" around.  The second is we both get hit by
 cars a lot.  The third is stripes.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Basically, there are three ways to lose money, racing being the quickest of
 the three, women being the pleasantest, and farming being the most certain
 way of the three.
%%
BASIC --
A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched
upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive.  You'll ditch
the car as soon as you can afford a new one.
%%
BASIC: Beginners' All-purpose Symbolic Identity Crisis?
%%
BASIC -- Bloated And Slow Interpreted Code
%%
BASIC By All Standards It's Changing
%%
Basic is a high level languish.
%%
BASIC isn't; C stands for Confusing...
%%
BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of 'Scientific Creationism'.
%%
BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing.
 -- Seymour Papert
%%
BASIC is to computer programming as Ripple is to wine.
%%
BASIC is to PASCAL what AMERICAN is to ENGLISH.
%%
BASIC is your friend.
%%
BASIC - It is practically impossible to teach good programming to
students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential
programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
 -- Dijkstra, "How do we tell truths that might hurt",
 -- ACM Sig Plan Notices, May 82
%%
Basic:
 Language of choice by non-programmers.
%%
BASIC Lives....
%%
Basic, n.: A programming language.  Related to certain social diseases in that
those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
%%
BASIC programmers do it all over the place.
%%
BASIC programmers GOTO it.
%%
Basic programmers never die. They just GOSUB without RETURN!
%%
Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
 -- Werner von Braun
 -- A Random Walk in Science compiled by R. L. Weber, edited by E. Mendoza
%%
BASIC suck!
%%
BASIC - The horny divorcee that lives next door.  Her specialty is seducing
young boys and it seems she is always readily available for them.  She
teaches them many amazing things, or at least they seem amazing because it is
their) first experience.  She is not that young herself, but because she was
their first lover the boys always remember her fondly.  Her cooking and
sewing skills are mediocre, but largely irrelevant, it's the frolicking that
the boys like.  The opinion that adults have of Mrs.  BASIC is varied.
Shockingly, some fathers actually introduce their own sons to this immoral
woman!  But generally the more righteous adults try to correct the badly
influenced young men by introducing them to well behaved women like Miss
Pascal.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
BASILISK, n.  The cockatrice.  A sort of serpent hatched form the egg
of a cock.  The basilisk had a bad eye, and its glance was fatal.
Many infidels deny this creature's existence, but Semprello Aurator
saw and handled one that had been blinded by lightning as a punishment
for having fatally gazed on a lady of rank whom Jupiter loved.  Juno
afterward restored the reptile's sight and hid it in a cave.  Nothing
is so well attested by the ancients as the existence of the basilisk,
but the cocks have stopped laying.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Basis for appeal: My client has $500 left.
%%
Basketball players do it to score.
%%
Basketball players score more often.
%%
BASSISTS do it with their fingers
%%
Bassoonists have long ones.
%%
BASS PLAYERS just pluck at
%%
BASTARD
  Commonly used word for an illegitimate person. Approximately 98% of
  traffic wardens are illegitimate. As are 87% of bank managers, 93%
  of lawyers, and 97% of politicians. There is an Worldwide Society
  of Bastards, who regularly appoint their members to the
  International Order of Bastard. As you may have guessed, Inspector
  Unnecessary-Violence is a member of this noble league.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Bastardo! Bastardo!
...'Barrister'...?
No...Bastardo!
...'Embarrassment'?..You're embarrassed?...I'm embarrassed?...
 -- Spaniard and Edmund : Chains
%%
Bastards do have a redeemable feature:  mortality.
%%
Bastards. I don't even *like* coffee.
 -- Richard Darwin
%%
Bastard toadflax: not the result nearsighted horny toads.
%%
BASTINADO, n.  The act of walking on wood without exertion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bat1: "Hey!  Did you hear there's a guano shortage?
Bat2: "No shit?"
%%
:batch: adj. 1. Non-interactive.  Hackers use this somewhat more
   loosely than the traditional technical definitions justify; in
   particular, switches on a normally interactive program that prepare
   it to receive non-interactive command input are often referred to
   as `batch mode' switches.  A `batch file' is a series of
   instructions written to be handed to an interactive program running
   in batch mode.  2. Performance of dreary tasks all at one sitting.
   "I finally sat down in batch mode and wrote out checks for all
   those bills; I guess they'll turn the electricity back on next
   week..." 3. `batching up': Accumulation of a number of small
   tasks that can be lumped together for greater efficiency.  "I'm
   batching up those letters to send sometime" "I'm batching up
   bottles to take to the recycling center."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Batch:
 A group, kinda like a herd.
%%
Batches, batches, we don' need no steenkin' batches!
%%
Batch files?  No, but here's a nice batch of cookies.
%%
BATF Cafeteria Menu: Baby Back Ribs, fresh from the babies.
%%
BATF Cafeteria Menu: Blackened Baby Back Ribs.
%%
Bathing Beauty:  A girl worth wading for...
%%
BATH, n.  A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship,
with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

    The man who taketh a steam bath
    He loseth all the skin he hath,
    And, for he's boiled a brilliant red,
    Thinketh to cleanliness he's wed,
    Forgetting that his lungs he's soiling
    With dirty vapors of the boiling.
                                                          Richard Gwow
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bathquake, n.:
        The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water
faucet is turned on to a certain point.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
BATHROOMS
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving
cream, a razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from a Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in a typical American women's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
%%
Bathroom scale: Something you stand on and swear at.
%%
:bathtub curve: n. Common term for the curve (resembling an
   end-to-end section of one of those claw-footed antique bathtubs)
   that describes the expected failure rate of electronics with time:
   initially high, dropping to near 0 for most of the system's
   lifetime, then rising again as it `tires out'.  See also {burn-in
   period}, {infant mortality}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Batman didn't write any plays."
  "Yeah, but Shakespeare didn't beat up any crooks."
 -- Overheard at a sci-fi convention by Jerry Boyajian
%%
Batman does it with Robin.
%%
Batman is a menace to society...
%%
Batman IS Mr.Mom?!?!
%%
Batman is the hero any of us could be, given
determination, exercise, and deep psychological
trauma.
 -- Chris Jarocha-Ernst
%%
Batman, was around here somewhere
%%
Bats fly in the dark because they see better...?
%%
Bats in the belfry.
%%
Battered Men canNOT attack their abuser or use it for self-defense.
%%
"Battered Woman Syndrome" defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 04
%%
Battery: Electrochemical storage device capable of lighting an incandescent
   lamp of a wattage about equal to that of a refrigerator bulb for a
    period of 15 minutes after having been charged for 2 hours.
 -- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Battle Axes: Tom A. Hawk
%%
Battle Creek makes cereal terminals.
%%
BATTLE, n.  A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot
that would not yield to the tongue.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Battle's magnificently stern array.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 28
%%
Battling inanimate objects is pointless.
%%
Batton down the hatches, several thousand Zulus approaching from the north.
 -- Christopher Commission report of LAPD car-to-car computer message, 7/91
%%
:baud barf: /bawd barf/ n. The garbage one gets on the monitor
   when using a modem connection with some protocol setting (esp.
   line speed) incorrect, or when someone picks up a voice extension
   on the same line, or when really bad line noise disrupts the
   connection.  Baud barf is not completely {random}, by the way;
   hackers with a lot of serial-line experience can usually tell
   whether the device at the other end is expecting a higher or lower
   speed than the terminal is set to.  *Really* experienced ones
   can identify particular speeds.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:baud: /bawd/ [simplified from its technical meaning] n. Bits per
   second.  Hence kilobaud or Kbaud, thousands of bits per second.
   The technical meaning is `level transitions per second'; this
   coincides with bps only for two-level modulation with no framing or
   stop bits.  Most hackers are aware of these nuances but blithely
   ignore them.

   Historical note: `baud' was originally a unit of telegraph signalling
   speed, set at one pulse per second.  It was proposed at the
   International Telegraph Conference of 1927, and named after J.M.E.
   Baudot (1845--1903), the French engineer who constructed the first
   successful teleprinter.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Baud, James: Famous British spy/modemer.
%%
BAUD - lady of the evening
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
baud rate -- the speed at which you can move your bod.
%%
Baumber (n.)
 A fitted elasticated bottom sheet wich turns your mattress banana-shaped.
%%
Bavarian aphorism #2: Mir san mir, host me?
%%
BAW: Bells And Whistles
%%
:baz: /baz/ n. 1. The third {metasyntactic variable} "Suppose we
   have three functions: FOO, BAR, and BAZ.  FOO calls BAR, which
   calls BAZ...." (See also {fum}) 2. interj. A term of mild
   annoyance.  In this usage the term is often drawn out for 2 or 3
   seconds, producing an effect not unlike the bleating of a sheep;
   /baaaaaaz/.  3. Occasionally appended to {foo} to produce
   `foobaz'.

   Earlier versions of this lexicon derived `baz' as a Stanford
   corruption of {bar}.  However, Pete Samson (compiler of the
   {TMRC} lexicon) reports it was already current when he joined TMRC
   in 1958.  He says "It came from "Pogo".  Albert the Alligator,
   when vexed or outraged, would shout `Bazz Fazz!' or `Rowrbazzle!'
   The club layout was said to model the (mythical) New England
   counties of Rowrfolk and Bassex (Rowrbazzle mingled with
   (Norfolk/Suffolk/Middlesex/Essex)."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
        \                      /
             \    | |      /
                \     /
        \       @#####@      ______                                      !!!
    __    __  (###   ###)-.           BBBBB  LL       AA     MM     MM   !!!
            .(###     ###) \  ---     BB  BB LL      AAAA    MMMM MMMM   !!!
       /   /  (###   ###)   )_____    BBBBB  LL     AA  AA   MM MMM MM   !!!
        / (=-  .@#####@|_--"          BB  BB LL    AAAAAAAA  MM  M  MM    _
       /  /\    \_|l|_/ (\            BBBBB  LLLLL AAA   AA  MM     MM   (!)
      /  (=-\     |l|    /  \
     /    \  \.___|l|___/    \
          /\      |_|   /
         (=-\._________/\
          \             /
           \._________/
             #  ----  #
             #   __   #
             \########/
%%
BBBB: Byte Baudy Bit and Branch
%%
BBBF: Branch on Bit Bucket Full
%%
BB: Branch on Bug
%%
BBD: Branch on Bastille Day
%%
BBI: Branch on Burned-out Indicator
%%
BBIL: Branch on Burned-out Indicator Light
%%
BBLB: Branch on Blinking Light Bulb
%%
BBL     Branch on Burned-out Lamp
%%
:bboard: /bee'bord/ [contraction of `bulletin board'] n.
   1. Any electronic bulletin board; esp. used of {BBS} systems
   running on personal micros, less frequently of a USENET
   {newsgroup} (in fact, use of this term for a newsgroup generally
   marks one either as a {newbie} fresh in from the BBS world or as
   a real old-timer predating USENET).  2. At CMU and other colleges
   with similar facilities, refers to campus-wide electronic bulletin
   boards.  3. The term `physical bboard' is sometimes used to refer
   to an old-fashioned, non-electronic cork-and-thumbtack memo board.
   At CMU, it refers to a particular one outside the CS Lounge.

   In either of senses 1 or 2, the term is usually prefixed by the
   name of the intended board (`the Moonlight Casino bboard' or
   `market bboard'); however, if the context is clear, the better-read
   bboards may be referred to by name alone, as in (at CMU) "Don't
   post for-sale ads on general".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BBS addiction is a terminal disease.
%%
BBS, American style.
%%
BBS: a method to triple your phone bill.
%%
:BBS: /B-B-S/ [abbreviation, `Bulletin Board System'] n. An electronic
   bulletin board system; that is, a message database where people can
   log in and leave broadcast messages for others grouped (typically)
   into {topic group}s.  Thousands of local BBS systems are in
   operation throughout the U.S., typically run by amateurs for fun
   out of their homes on MS-DOS boxes with a single modem line each.
   Fans of USENET and Internet or the big commercial timesharing
   bboards such as CompuServe and GEnie tend to consider local BBSes
   the low-rent district of the hacker culture, but they serve a
   valuable function by knitting together lots of hackers and users in
   the personal-micro world who would otherwise be unable to exchange
   code at all.  See also {bboard}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BBS Booboo #2:  Dorky quoting macros.
%%
BBS=Busted Broke SysOp. Now you know what it *REALLY* means!!
%%
BBS Busy - (C)all back later (T)hrow tantrum
%%
BBSers come in all typists
%%
BBS Faux Pas #2:  Dorky quoting macros.
%%
BBSing - all the social dynamics of pre-school!!
%%
BBSing and Computers
%%
BBSing, A right to information not a privilage to abuse privacy.
%%
BBSing at least keeps SOME drunks off the street.
%%
BBSing: Files, folks and fun.
%%
BBSing is a fun, relaxing hobby after a hard days work
%%
BBSing is a Maalox Moment
%%
BBSing is a terminal disease and I have the ANSI strain.
%%
BBSing ... time's blackhole.
%%
BBS-ing... Ya gotta be Nuts!
%%
BBS Lingo: INNEWATOK; Inquiring NErd WAnts TO Know
%%
BBS Lingo: NERD; National Establishment for Real Dorks
%%
BBS Lingo: NERD; Never-Ending Resplendent Discussion.
%%
BBS Lingo: SYSOP; System Operator
%%
BBS mail: a lot faster than Canada Post.
%%
BBS not Ready - Error Reading User's Mind - Start Again
%%
BBS Plus+ code 28934
%%
BBS: sound made by sysops after 3 months...
%%
BBS: Standard class zip sysops,  PREMIUM Class ARJ Sysops
%%
BBS: Tall tales of telecomputing told by insects that produce honey.
%%
BBS 'till you drop - carrier
%%
BBS Tip #45: ALT-H gives you sysop access!
%%
BBS tip:  Pressing Alt-H gives you SysOp status!
%%
BBS Trek:  The Text Generation...
%%
BBT: Branch on Binary Tree
%%
BBW: Branch Both Ways
%%
BCB: Burp and Clear Bytes
%%
BC dodging draft/BC wishing he experienced D-Day.
 -- Liberal hypocrisy
%%
BCF: Branch and Catch Fire
%%
BCF: Branch on Chip box Full
%%
BCIL: Branch Creating Infinite Loop
%%
B Cing U
%%
BCM - Backspace Core Memory
%%
BCPL -> B -> C !!! No wonder C is so cryptic!
%%
BCPL: Beats Cobol Programming Language
%%
BCPL: Before C, Programming Language
%%
BCR: Backspace Card Reader
%%
BCS: Branch and Crash System
%%
B.C.- [thinking] "Do you believe in ESP?"
Peter - [thinking] "Do you believe in ESP?"
B.C. & Peter - [aloud] "No."
%%
BCU: Be Cruel and Unusual
%%
BCU     Burn out CPU
%%
BD: Backspace Disk
%%
BD: Branch to Data
%%
BDC: Break Down and Cry
%%
BDI: Branch to Data Indirect
%%
BDM: Branch and Disconnect Memory
%%
BDT     Burn Data Tree [next opcode after decorate data tree]
%%
BDU: Branch on Dense User
%%
Be able to be alone.  Lose not the advantage of solitude, and the society of
thyself.
%%
Be a defensive driver. Buy a Tiger M31.
%%
Be advanced telepath.  Open communication of data from control central
to all terminal stations.  Control demands periodic reports from all
terminals.  Repeat.  Use coded frequencies.  Secure all telecasts.  Full
alert.
%%
Be a friend to the earth and it will be a friend to you.
%%
Be a good consumer; ask, complain, choose!
%%
Be a hero! Save a whale! Save a baby, go to jail!
%%
Be a Hero: Teach your Children to say NO to the Religious Reich's agenda
%%
Be a hero! Teach your children to think for THEMSELVES!
%%
BE ALERT! - What this country needs are more lerts.
%%
Be always displeased with what thou art, if you desirest to attain to
what thou art not; for where thou hast pleased thyself, there thou
abidest.  But if thou have enough thou perishest.  Always add, always
walk, always proceed. Neither stand still, nor go back, nor deviate.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
Be American, Buy American - and CHARGE IT!
%%
:beam: [from Star Trek Classic's "Beam me up, Scotty!"] vt. To
   transfer {softcopy} of a file electronically; most often in
   combining forms such as `beam me a copy' or `beam that over to
   his site'.  Compare {blast}, {snarf}, {BLT}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Beam me aboard, Scotty.  Aye, will a 2x4 do captain?
%%
Beam me out of here, Scotty; I appear to be trapped in a computer.
%%
Beam me sideways, Scotty - I'm tired of the same old jokes
%%
Beam me up, Scotty!
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! But leave the others here.
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! It just ate my phaser!
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! No intelligent life on this BBS!
%%
Beam Me Up Scotty, ............*S-C-O-T-T-Y*!!!
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! She says she's ... pregnant!
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! The conservatives have taken over!
%%
Beam me up, Scotty, the elevators don't work
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! The liberals have taken over!
%%
Beam me up, Scotty.  There's no intelligent life here.
 -- James Tiberius Kirk
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! This isn't the men's room.
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! This planet has no beer!
%%
Beam me up, Scotty! This planet sucks!
%%
Be a moving target.
 -- Raoul Lionel Felder
%%
BEAN: a living person.  "He's a right nice human bean!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Be and not seem.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Beans and FRANK.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Beans are the musical fruit.  The more you eat, the more you toot.
%%
Beans come from the place where beans are.
 -- Timeworn Bondei Proverb
%%
Beans for dinner last night huh?
%%
Bean shooters are prohibited in Arkansas.
%%
Be apathetic today. - I think I'll leave it till tomorrow.
%%
BEAR: an alcoholic beverage. "Yew ever taste light bear?"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Bearded Clams? HAH!! I've never seen one!
%%
BEARD, n.  The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly
execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Beards more than two and a half feet long are forbidden by law
in Altoona, Pennsylvania.
%%
'Bear Hunter': Shot of Tequila chased with a Lime Gummi Bear (The green
ones)
%%
...bearing a gift beyond price; almost free.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
bearing, true: opposite of bearing, false.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Bearing with the uncultured in gentleness,
Fording the river with resolution,
Not neglecting what is distant,
Not regarding one's companions:
Thus one may manage to walk in the middle.
%%
Bearjoran takes over DS9 in Pooh D'Etat!
%%
Bears when first born are shapeless masses of white flesh a little
larger than mice, their claws alone being prominent. The mother then
licks them gradually into proper shape.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book viii, Sect. 126
%%
Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
 -- Headline
%%
Be articulate! Your new patience will not show up immediately.
%%
Beartraps are provided for the convenience of our patrons!
%%
Bear Whiz Beer: It's in the water that's why it's yellow!
%%
Bear with me until my starting transient has settled down into doing things
 properly from the notes.
%%
Be as good at receiving as you are at giving.
%%
Be as perfect as you can, for that is all you can do.
 -- Brigham Young
%%
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely get your
Feet wet.  Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face.
 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorada"
%%
Be a swinger; wear boxer shorts.
%%
Beat all your feathers as flat down as pancakes.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Roaring Girl, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Beaten with his owne rod.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ii
%%
Beat it through the lines
%%
Beat me! Whip me! A masochist is Never Satisfied.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me read my mail online.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me read my Qmail.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me return to 1200 baud!!
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me Upload files at 300 BPS.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me use Kermit.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me use Qmodem.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me use Windows.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me write bad taglines.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Make me write Tribble taglines.
%%
Beat me! Whip me! Take Away My Credit Cards!
%%
Beat on the Brat With a Baseball Bat...
 -- Ramones
%%
Beats as it sweeps as it cleans.
%%
Beat's me!!! I never read the documentation.
%%
Beat the system.  Unplug the computer.
%%
Beautiful as sweet,
And young as beautiful, and soft as young,
And gay as soft, and innocent as gay!
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iii, Line 81
%%
Beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth, is Mount Zion,
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xlviii, 2
%%
Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charismatic Horny
%%
Beautiful legs are sometimes without equal, but bow-legs are always
without parallel.
%%
Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Beautiful Soup!  Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Beautiful story.   Kinda gets you right HERE.
 -- Q
%%
Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Beautify America - Deport Congress!
%%
Bea U.T.S. Skindeep
%%
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
%%
Beauty and the Beast--Bright Lights, Big Kitty
%%
Beauty faded has no second spring.
%%
Beauty is all around for those who chose to see it.
%%
Beauty is altogether in the eye of the beholder.
 -- General Lew Wallace
%%
Beauty is an outward gift which is seldom despised, except by those to
whom it has been refused.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1734-1794)
%%
Beauty is as summer fruits, which are easy to corrupt and cannot last;
and for the most part it makes a dissolute youth, and an age a little
out of countenance; but if it light well, it makes virtue shine and vice
blush.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Beauty is everlasting
And dust is for a time.
 -- Marianne Moore
%%
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder....
%%
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Should the beholder have poor
eyesight, he can ask the nearest person which girls look good.
%%
Beauty is in the hand of the beer holder.
%%
Beauty is in the heart of the beholder.
 -- Al Bernstein
%%
Beauty is just a light switch away...'click!'
%%
Beauty is not caused. It is.
 -- Emily Dickinson
%%
Beauty is one of the rare things which do not lead to doubt of God.
 -- Jean Anouilh
%%
Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or
haven't any sense.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
 -- Parker's Law
%%
Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.
 -- Charles Reade
%%
Beauty is the answer.
%%
Beauty is the first present nature gives to woman and the first it takes
away.
 -- George Brossin Mere
%%
Beauty is the first test; there is no permanent place in the world for
 ugly mathematics.
 -- G.H. Hardy
 -- A Mathematician's Apology
%%
Beauty is the promise of happiness.
 -- Stendahl
%%
Beauty is transitory.
Beauty survives.
 -- Spock and Kirk, "That Which Survives," stardate unknown
%%
Beauty is truth, truth beauty, --that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Ode on a Grecian Urn
%%
Beauty:  it's a sort of bloom on a woman.  If you have it you don't need
to have anything else; and it you don't have it, it doesn't much matter
what else you have.
 -- James Matthew Barrie
%%
Beauty, like supreme dominion,
Is but supported by opinion.
 -- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac, 1741
%%
Beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Beauty's but skin deep.
 -- John Davies of Hereford (c.1565-1618)
 -- A Select Second Husband for Sir Thomas Overburie's Wife (1616), st. 13
%%
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
%%
Beauty's ensign yet
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,
And death's pale flag is not advanced there.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Beauty Sleep. Well, in your case, Ugly Sleep.
%%
Beauty soon grows familiar to the lover,
Fades in his eye, and palls upon the sense.
The virtuous Marcia towers above her sex.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Beauty stands
In the admiration only of weak minds
Led captive.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book ii, Line 220
%%
Beauty's tears are lovelier than her smile.
 -- Campbell
%%
Beauty survives.
%%
Beauty: That power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a
 husband.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Beauty -- the adjustment of all parts proportionately
so that one cannot add or subtract or change
without impairing the harmony of the whole.
 -- Leon Battista Alberti
%%
 Beauty times brains equals a constant.
 -- Beckhap's Law
%%
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Conduct of Life", 1860
%%
Beauty without virtue is like a flower without perfume.
%%
Beaver Cleaver has an edible complex
%%
Beaver: symbol of Canada
%%
Beavis Gump: He said box.  Uh huh huh uh huh.
%%
Beavis, you wuss, you never drank a beer!
%%
Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose.
 -- Dan McKinnon
%%
Be bolde, Be bolde, and everywhere, Be bold.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book iii, Canto xi, St. 54
%%
Be-bop-a-lou-la, she's my baby!
%%
Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
 -- Homer
%%
BE: Branch Everywhere
%%
Be calm in arguing, for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth discourtesy.
%%
Be careful about reading health books.  You may die of a misprint.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Be careful, and you will save many men from the sin of robbing you.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
Be Careful.....Don't practice "UNSAFE HEX".
%%
Be careful how you get yourself involved with persons or situations
that can't bear inspection.
%%
Be careful!  Is it classified?
%%
Be careful of the words you say.
Keep them soft and sweet,
Because you never know, from day to day,
Which ones you'll have to eat.
 -- K. McCarthy
%%
Be careful or be roadkill.
 -- Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
%%
Be careful, or I'll include you in my plans!
%%
Be careful, or you'll fall into a category.
%%
Be careful out there.
%%
Be careful, the last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease!
%%
Be careful, the toes you step on today may be attached to the butt
you'll have to kiss tomorrow!
%%
Be careful to never split infinitives ...
%%
Be careful what you know... you might have to teach it one day.
 -- Fido Fisher
%%
Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
%%
Be careful what you pretend to be - you just might become it.
%%
Be careful what you set your heart upon - for it will surely be yours.
 -- James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name" 1961
%%
Be careful what you take with you into your old age.
%%
Be careful what you vote for. You may get it.
%%
Be careful what you wish for, you may get it.
 -- Uhura, "The Search for Spock,"  stardate 8210.3.
%%
Be careful what you wish, it might come true.
%%
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
%%
Be careful when eating bananas. Monsters might slip on the peels.
%%
Be careful when eating salmon - your fingers might become greasy.
%%
Be careful when the moon is its its last quarter.
%%
Be careful when throwing a boomerang -
you might hit the back of your head.
%%
Be careful when you bite into your hamburger.
 -- Derek Bok
%%
Be careful whilst playing under the anvil tree.
%%
Be careful who you step on on the way up; you never know who you'll
pass on the way down.
%%
Be careful with water - it's full of Hydrogen and Oxygen!
%%
Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Because a solo climber takes the risk of solo climbing, he doesn't see things
the way other people do.
%%
Because a star explodes and a thousand worlds like ours die, we know this
world is. That is the smile: that what might not be, is.
 -- John Fowles, The Magus
%%
Because cats read with their asses!
[picture of cat sitting on book]
%%
Because french cream won't soften them boots and french kisses will not
melt that heart of stone.
%%
Because half-a-dozen grasshoppers under a fern make the field ring
with their importunate chink, whilst thousands of great cattle, reposed
beneath the shadow of the British oak, chew the cud and are silent,
pray do not imagine that those who make the noise are the only inhabitants
of the field; that of course they are many in number; or that, after
all, they are other than the little shrivelled, meagre, hopping, though
loud and troublesome insects of the hour.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 344
%%
Because he once wrote, We must love one another or die, he can command me
to follow him.
 -- E.M. Forster
%%
Because he's a character who's looking for his own identity, [He-Man is]
 an interesting role for an actor.
 -- Dolph Lundgren, actor
%%
Because he was human, because he had goodness,
Because he was moral they called him insane.
Delusions of grandeur, visions of splendor,
A manic depressive who walks in the rain.

Cinderella Man, doing what you can,
They can't understand what it means.
Cinderella Man, hang on to your plans.
Try as they might they cannot steal your dreams.
 -- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed.
If I fail, no one will say, 'She doesn't have what it takes.'
They will say, 'Women don't have what it takes.'
 -- Clare Boothe Luce
%%
Because I could not stop for Death,
 He kindly stopped for me --
 The Carriage held but just ourselves
 And Immortality.
 -- Emily Dickinson
%%
Because I do,
Because I do not hope,
Because I do not hope to survive
Injustice from the Palace, death from the air,
Because I do, only do,
I continue...
 -- Thomas S. Pynchon
%%
"Because I live in the hearts and minds of everyone
who believes in TRUTH, JUSTICE and THE AMERICAN
WAY.  And that is bigger than you.  Bigger than
anyone who tries to make me in their own image."
 -- From "The Man of Rust"
%%
Because I'm the editor, that's why!
%%
Because I'm the Sysop; that's why.
%%
Because I'm the writer, that's why!
%%
"Because I said so" by Frank O. Pinion
%%
Because is a womans reason.
 -- John Lylys
%%
Because it's nicer to be with someone than it is not to be with someone.
%%
Because it's there.
%%
Because it's there!
 -- George Mowry, on why he climbed mountains
%%
Because men believe not in Providence, therefore they do so greedily
scrape and hoard. They do not believe in any reward for charity,
therefore they will part with nothing.
 -- Barrow
%%
Because, my dear Julian, pure ignorant young girls cannot save
complicated neurotic over-educated older men from disaster, however
much they kid themselves that they can.
 -- Iris Murdoch
%%
Because my name is Daffy,
 They think that I'm insane
 Please pass the ketchup,
 I think it's going to rain!

 Oh, you can't bounce a meatball,
 Try with all your might.
 Turn on the radio,
 I want to fly a kite!
 -- D. Duck (daffy@wb.com)
%%
Because nothing else comes close.
%%
Because of one paragraph the bank took off of his property, it was
clause and effects.
%%
Because of the age of the patient, speed was increased for fear of the
patient going bad on the table.
%%
Because of the greatness of the Shah, Iran is an island of stability
in the Middle East.
 -- Jimmy Carter, 31 December 1977
%%
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
 opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
 purpose.
 -- In a Zurich hotel
%%
Because Pikinu barked so, THAT'S why.
%%
  Because right is right, to follow right
Were wisdom in the scorn of consequence.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Oenone
%%
Because SOMEBODY has to do the dirty work.
%%
"Because there is something in you that I respect, and that makes me desire
to have you for my enemy."
"On those terms, sir, I will accept your enmity or any man's."
 -- Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple"
%%
Because there is such a big difference in  times, the matches will be
 recorded and shown either before or afterwards.
%%
Because these are ancient times as a result there are not enough
wetbacks to do the work for us. So harvest the barley before you plant
it - it is easier that way.
%%
Because the wine remembers.
%%
Because This Is A Story About Sex.
%%
Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us.
 -- Henrik Tikkanen
%%
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
%%
Be cheerful while you are alive.
 -- Phathotep (24th Century B.C.)
%%
Be circumspect in your liaisons with women.  It is better to be
seen at the opera with a man than at mass with a woman.
 -- DeMaintenon
%%
Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one;
enemy to none.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Become addicted to constant and never-ending self improvement.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Become a fixer, not just a fixture.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Become a programmer and never see the world!
%%
Become a programmer - crash your computer for a living!
%%
Become a student of change.  It is the only thing that will remain constant.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Become one with the universe.
%%
Become who you are.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
 And despite the changing fortunes of time,
 There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
 -- Anonymous
%%
Be commonplace and creeping, and you will be a success.
 -- Pierre de Beaumarchais (1732-1799)
%%
Be concise in your writing and talking, especially when giving instructions
to others.
%%
Be consistent - but don't do it all the time.
%%
Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.
 -- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Be courteous. Have genuine consideration for other people's feelings,
wishes and situations.
%%
Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well
tried before you give them your confidence.  True friendship is a
plant of slow grow, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity
before it is entitled to the appellation.
 -- George Washington
%%
Be creative  -  invent a perversion!
%%
BED
  A horizontally positioned, generally soft, piece of furniture where
  people go to sleep. Apart from this, a bed can be used for...
  reading in. Yeah, before the people sleep, they can leap under the
  covers with a couple of good books and... umm.. read. Of course,
  more disgusting type people will indulge in other activities in
  bed, such as... clipping toenails. Yeuch. But beds are mostly used
  for sleeping in. Yes. Mostly for sleep. And the occasional dream.
  Have I mentioned people can also sit on beds? And after use, beds
  can be made, which means whoever can be bothered straightens up the
  covers again, ready for the next err... sleeping session. That's
  about all there is to mention about beds, isn't it? I mean, there's
  no need to bring SMUT into this, is there? No. Just sleeping,
  that's what beds are for. Not fucking. Oh damn, damn. Look, can we
  just forget about this entry? I don't think anyone will be very
  interested anyway.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
BEDEVERE: And that, my lord, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BEDEVERE:        And what do you burn, apart from witches?
FOURTH VILLAGER: ... Wood?
BEDEVERE:        So why do witches burn?
SECOND VILLAGER: (pianissimo) ... Because they're made of wood...?
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BEDEVERE: How do you know so much about swallows?
ARTHUR:   Well you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BEDEVERE: Look!  It's the old man from scene 24 - what's he Doing here?
ARTHUR:   He is the keeper of the Bridge.  He asks each traveler five
          questions ...
GALAHAD:  Three questions.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BEDEVERE:  Oooooh!
LAUNCELOT: No Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh ...  at the back of the throat.
BEDEVERE:  No!  Oooooh! in surprise and alarm!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BEDEVERE: Stand by for attack!!
   [CUT TO enormous army forming up.  Trebuchets, rows of PIKEMEN, siege
   towers, pennants flying, shouts of Stand by for attack!  Traditional
   army build-up shots.  The shouts echo across the ranks of the army.
   We see various groups reacting, and stirring themselves in readiness.]
ARTHUR:   Who are they?
BEDEVERE: Oh, just some friends!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BEDEVERE: Wait.  Wait ... tell me, what also floats on water?
ALL:      Bread?  No, no, no.  Apples .... gravy ... very small rocks ...
ARTHUR:   A duck.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BEDEVERE:        Why do you think she is a witch?
SECOND VILLAGER: She turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE:        A newt?
SECOND VILLAGER: (After looking at himself for some time) I got better.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
%%
Be different, act normal.
%%
Be different: conform.
%%
Be different DON'T speak your mind!
%%
Bed Spreaders spread spreads on beds.
Bread Spreaders spread butter on breads.
And that Bed Spreader better
watch out how he's spreading
or that Bread Spreader's
sure going to butter his bedding.
 -- Dr Suess
%%
Beefsteaks and porter are good belly mortar.
 -- Scottish Proverb
%%
Bee Healthy - Eat your Honey!
%%
Beekeepers like to eat their honey.
%%
Beekeeping: A. P. Arry
%%
Been eating pillows, feeling down in the mouth.
%%
Be England what she will,
With all her faults she is my country still.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764)
 -- The Farewell, Line 27
%%
Been napping in front of the ion shield again.
%%
Been playing with his wand too much.
%%
Been playing with the pharmacy section again.
%%
Been short on oxygen one time too many.
%%
Been there and did WHAT?
%%
Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.
%%
Been there.  Done that.  Reincarnated.
%%
Been there, seen that, bought a t-shirt, gone home...
%%
Been through Hell?  Whaddya bring back for me?
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Be entirely tolerant or not at all; follow the good path or the evil
one.  To stand at the crossroads requires more strength than you
possess.
 -- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)
%%
Been Transferred Lately?
%%
Been using her head as a mass driver.
%%
Beep beep? It MUST be Earth humor...
%%
Beep, Beep... nope, not Felix the cat...
%%
(beep) Help, I've fallen and can't reach the beer.
%%
Beep! Invalid Input. I take only cash....
%%
:beep: n.,v. Syn. {feep}.  This term seems to be preferred among micro
   hobbyists.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Beer always comes in multiples of six.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer always gives good head.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer always listens and never argues.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer and hockey: Two of life's best things.
%%
Beer and Ice don't mix.
%%
Beer and Rice Krispies....Snap, Crackle, and BELCH!
%%
Beer and women: Two of God's best gifts to mankind.
%%
Beer.....beer...beer.....beer....beer....beer.....beer.
%%
Beer bellies: *large* waist.
%%
BEER - Bloody Effective Emotion Re-caliber,
%%
Beer brewers do it with more hops.
%%
Beer, Budweiser, ice cold
 -- Riker.
%%
>> BEER.CAN not found, USER.EXE not loaded <<
%%
Beer cans empty! Memory Full! Zzzzzzzzzz!
%%
Beer Can wHEN tHIS...Notify SYSOP have Sales Aids...UNCH
%%
BEER.COM located... Operator loaded.
%%
Beer commercials are so patriotic: "Made the American Way." What does that
 have to do with America? Is that what America stands for? Feeling sluggish
 and urinating frequently?
 -- Scott Blakeman
%%
BEER.COM not found. [G]o to bed [R]un to store [P]ass out here.
%%
Beer does as many chores as a man.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
%%
Beer doesn't care if you balance your checkbook.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.
%%
Beer doesn't complain about farting.
%%
Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
%%
Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer doesn't wear a bra.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer drinkers get more head.
%%
BEER...  Drink your daily B-complex with a foamy head.
%%
Beer: God's gift to the working slob.
%%
Beer Goggles. See the world through the eyes of a drunk
%%
BeerGut: if you had equipment like mine you'd build a shelter over it.
%%
Beer Gut? Nah, I got pregnant before I had the sex change.
%%
Beergut? Nah, I just got pregnant before I started drinking.
%%
Beer has character and the American people don't.
%%
Beer Here, Get Your Ice Cold Beer Here! -- Beer Here...
%%
Beer, hockey, and men...isn't life Great!
%%
Beer! I'll drink to that!
%%
Beer is Better: Beer bottles don't get sprayed with pesticides
%%
Beer is good!
%%
Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.
%%
Beer is never late
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer, Is there nothing it can't do.
%%
Beer: It makes me a jolly old fellow.
%%
Beer! It's not just for breakfast anymore.
%%
BEER.KEG empty! OVERFLOW ERROR DETECTED! Bleeeaakkk!
%%
Beer labels come off without a fight.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer makers do it with bottles.
%%
Beer makes the world go `round (and `round, and `round).
%%
Beer math: 2 beers * 37 men = 49 cases.
 -- Murphy.
%%
Beer, Mr. Peterson? Ok, but stop me at 1... well, 1:30.
%%
Beer: Nectar of the Gods, or Urine of the Yeast?
%%
Beer never expects you to sleep in the wet spot.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic.
%%
"Beer!  Now there's a temporary solution."
 -- Homer in "Homer's Odyssey", from The Simpsons
%%
Beer Nuts are $1.29 but Deer Nuts are under a buck.
%%
Beer nuts: The dreaded final stage of cotton balls.
%%
Beer-O-Meter [E\........F] ... Time for a commercial.
%%
Beer Overdose : Shutting off User until bubbling stops ...
%%
Beer & Pretzels -- Breakfast of Champions.
%%
Beer stains wash out.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Beer's the answer! .... NOW!... What was the question?
%%
Beertender, bring me another bar!
%%
 "Beer: The Secrets To Success" by Phil R. Upp
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Beer waits in the car while you play football.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
BEERWARE: If it works right the 1st time, buy yourself a beer!
%%
BEERWARE: If you like it, buy yourself a beer.
%%
Beer was made so ugly women get some too.
%%
Beer, Wine and Women -- Isn't Life Great!
%%
Beer won't care if you can't find the carburetor.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation.
%%
Beer won't drive you to drink.
%%
Beer won't expect you to cook dinner.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer won't kill sofa slugs. Neither will salty pretzels.
%%
Beer won't love its sports car more than you.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer won't mind you not being wanting a beer.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer won't tease you because you like Manilow.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Beer wouldn't waste its money on men's magazine.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Bees are very busy souls,
They have no time for birth controls,
And that is why in times like these,
There are so many Sons of Bees.
%%
Beethoven can write music, thank God -- but he can do nothing else
on earth.
 -- Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827)
%%
Beethoven composed for 43 years...then he decomposed.
%%
Beethoven did it apassionately.
%%
Beethoven had a noted career.
%%
Beethoven was the first to do it with a full orchestra.
%%
Beethoven wrote nine symphonies.  They never wrote back.
%%
Beetle: Battered Everywhere, Expect To Lose Engine
%%
Be ever vigilant, keep your bodies clean and pure, and you will have a
strength that is heaven-sent.
 -- Gene Hansen, Miss. Committee
%%
Be everywhere, do everything, and never fail to astonish the customer.
 -- Macy's Motto
%%
Bee vomit is sweet.
%%
Be *excellent* to each other.
 -- Bill, or Ted, in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
%%
Be excellent to each other. Party on, dude.
 -- Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
%%
"Be fair," say the temporizers, "tell both sides of the story." But how can
you be fair to both sides of a rape? Of a murder? Of a massacre?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Be fair with others, but then keep after them until they're fair with you.
 -- Alan Aldadayou.
%%
Be firm, fly low and stay cool....
 -- Duke, from Doonesbury
%%
Be flexible, some things just take time.
%%
Before a cat will condescend
 To treat you as a trusted friend,
 Some little token of esteem
 Is needed, like a dish of cream.
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Before advising "Be yourself!" reassess his character.
%%
Before all of us are multiple decisions. For example, there are a wide
 variety of alternatives with regard to the apportionment of the family
 income, all of which share the same common failure; they are
 unsatisfactory.
%%
Before a party or a trip, if it can, it will let rip.
%%
Before a war military science seems a real science, like
astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology.
 -- Rebecca West
%%
Before backing up ... make a backup.
%%
Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking
for before you begin looking for it.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
 -- Addison H. Hallock
%%
Before buying a piece of property, walk around its perimeter.
%%
Before calling Tech Support, ask the Guru.
%%
Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility goes before honour.
 -- Psalms 18:12
%%
Before engaging in a battle of wits, make sure your opponent is armed.
 -- East Texas Proverb
%%
Before enlightenment, one carries water and chops wood.
After enlightenment, one carries water and chops wood.
 -- Zen Proverb
%%
Before falling in love, I was defined.  Now I am undefined, weeds are
growing in between my ribs.
 -- Joyce Carol Oates
%%
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative.
%%
Before God and the bus driver we are all equal.
%%
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955), "Cosmic Religion"
%%
Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great
 delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day
 Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted
 The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing. "Tell me, you dumb
 beast," demanded the Priest in his commanding voice, "why don't you do
 something worthwhile? What is your Purpose in Life, anyway?" Munching the
 tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU". (The Chinese ideogram for
 No-Thing.) Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily
 because nobody understood Chinese.
 -- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
%%
Before he went off to the wars, King Arthur locked his lovely wife,
 Guinevere, into her chastity belt. Then he summoned his loyal friend and
 subject Sir Lancelot. "Lancelot, noble knight," said Arthur, "within this
 sturdy belt is imprisoned the virtue of my wife. The key to this chaste
 treasure I will entrust to only one man in the world. To you."
 Humbled before this great honor, Lancelot knelt, received his king's
 blessing and took charge of the key. Arthur mounted his steed and rode off.
 Not half a mile from his castle, he heard hoofbeats behind him and turned
 to see Sir Lancelot riding hard to catch up with him.
 "What is amiss, my friend?" asked the king.
 "My lord," gasped Lancelot, "you have given me the wrong key!"
%%
Before honour is humility.
%%
   "Before I begin, I'd like to recite the Lawyer's Prayer:
Lord, please let there be strife and misery among your people,
Lest your servant starve..."
 -- Clonezone takes on lawyers, from "Badger"
%%
...before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech
or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility.  What
did it matter what anyone knew or ignored?  What did it matter who was manager?
One gets sometimes such a flash of insight. The essentials of this affair
lay deep under the surface, beyond my reach, and beyond my power of meddling.
 -- Joseph Conrad
%%
Before, I cudnt spel programmer; now, I are one.
%%
Before I go out to take a picture of someone, I just stop at the city desk and
say, 'Do you want him gazing out toward the sunset or picking his nose?'
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children;
now I have six children and no theories.
 -- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
%%
Before I go to bed, I want some milk and cookies.
%%
Before I judge my neighbor, let me walk a mile in his moccassins.
 -- Sioux proverb
%%
Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone.
%%
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped
 in it a few times.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
Before I speak, I am master of the words; After, the word is master of
me.
 -- Ibn Gabriol
%%
Before I started working here I drank, smoked, and used foul language
for no reason at all.  But thanks to this job, I now have a reason.
%%
Before I start to speak , I'd just like to say a few words !
 -- Colin Herbert
%%
"Before I visited this planet, we aliens knew very little about earth...
 the only information we had came from television signals, and due to
 interstellar distances, we only received channel 3 at 4:30pm...

"But that's..."

"'Gilligan's Island'... I know. But it's all we had to go on.
 We theorized that Earth was a strange island society where everything
 was made out of bamboo..."
 -- Robotman
%%
Before losing a Test series 3-0 to the West indies:
 We will make them grovel.
%%
Before making a backup, first destroy the originals.
%%
Before man made us citizens, great Nature made us men.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- On the Capture of Fugitive Slaves near Washington
%%
Before marriage, a man declares he would lay down his life to serve you;
 after marriage, he won't even lay down his paper to talk to you.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
Before mine eyes in opposition sits
Grim Death, my son and foe.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 803
%%
Before my birth, I had a name,
But soon as born I changed the same:
And when I'm laid within the tomb,
I shall my father's name assume;
I changed my name three days together,
Yet live but one in any weather.
(Today)
%%
Before ordering a test decide what you will do if it is
1) positive, or 2) negative. If both answers are the same,
don't do the test.
 -- Cochrane's Aphorism
%%
Before reaching the age of 30, you will have experienced the joy of
spraining an ankle, the wonder of unemployment, the thrill of partial
hair loss and the ecstasy of unrequited love.
%%
Before technology, things didn't work, but people sure did. Now, with
 progress and additional technology, nothing works, at least not for long.
%%
Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos.  Before
a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish
in the crowd.
 -- From the I Ching
%%
Before the game our dressing room was like Dunkirk before they went over
 the trenches.
%%
Before the Gulf War started, the Iraqi Army was the the fourth largest
in the world. Now, its the second largest army in Iraq.
 -- Wall Street Journal, March 15, 1991
%%
Before the Hawke government came to power,
we were on the edge of an economic precipice.
Since then we've taken a great step forward.
%%
Before the wedding, the woman cries. After the wedding, it is the man's
 turn to cry.
%%
Before they made him, they broke the mold.
%%
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs.
%%
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
%%
Before you ask more questions,
think about whether you really want to know the answers.
 -- Gene Wolfe, "The Claw of the Conciliator"
%%
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
%%
Before you beat the dog, learn his master's name.
%%
Before you build a better mousetrap,
it helps to know if there are any mice out there.
 -- Mortimer B. Zuckerman
%%
Before you find your handsome prince, you got to kiss a lot of frogs.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Before you have an argument with the boss, take a good look at
both sides - the boss's side and the outside.
%%
Before you have sex you have to be elected to a high government position.
 -- Zippy
%%
Before you is the entrance to the tower which rises from the center
of the courtyard. In every visible direction the courtyard extends
onward.
%%
Before you kill something make sure you have something better
to replace it with; something better than political opportunist
slamming hate horseshit in the public park.
 -- Charles Bukowski, "Notes of a Dirty Old Man", 1969
%%
Before you louse something up, THIMK!
%%
Before you marry, keep your two eyes open; after you marry, shut one.
 -- Jamaican proverb
%%
Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.
 -- Jim Beggs
%%
Before you slip into unconsciousness,
I'd like to have another kiss...
%%
Before you speak, just remember that you will not be asked to explain what
 you did not say!
%%
Before you start anything, make sure you can finish it.
%%
Before you unburden yourself of your problems, recall to mind that half the
 people to whom you tell these could not care less, but if they could, they
 would make the effort. The other half, to whom you might unburden yourself,
 are happy to hear of your misfortunes, thinking that finally, you are
 getting what you deserve.
%%
Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things won't get any better so you better
 get used to it.
%%
BEFRIEND, v.t.  To make an ingrate.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Be fruit fly and multiple.
%%
Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over
every living thing that moves upon the earth.
 -- Genesis 1:28
%%
Begathon, n.:
 A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
you won't have to watch commercials.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
Be GAY, be PROUD, and let THEM worry about it...
%%
Be generous. Remember that it is the productivity of others that
makes possible your executive position.
%%
BEGGAR, n.  One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Beggars must be no choosers.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Scornful Lady, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Beggars should be no choosers.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
Beggar that I am, I am even poor in thanks.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
:\begin: // [from the LaTeX command] With \end, used
   humorously in writing to indicate a context or to remark on the
   surrounded text.  For example:

     \begin{flame}
     Predicate logic is the only good programming
     language.  Anyone who would use anything else
     is an idiot.  Also, all computers should be
     tredecimal instead of binary.
     \end{flame}

   The Scribe users at CMU and elsewhere used to use @Begin/@End in
   an identical way (LaTeX was built to resemble Scribe).  On USENET,
   this construct would more frequently be rendered as `<FLAME
   ON>' and `<FLAME OFF>', or `#ifdef FLAME' and `#endif FLAME''.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
    Beginnings and endings are, for the most part, artificial constructs. You
say you begin when you are born, but what of those months spent growing in the
womb? Endings are hazier still, for further things may occur that extend and
enlarge the earlier story. And that is my final sentence on the subject. Or
perhaps this one is the final sentence. No, most assuredly what I write now is
the final word on the matter. But now that I think upon it, perhaps this--
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. LVII (Abridged)
%%
Begin the day with a friendly voice,
a companion unobtrusive.
Plays that song that's so elusive,
and the magic music makes your morning move.
 -- Rush, "Spirit of Radio"
%%
Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse.
%%
Begin with the possible; begin with one step.
There is always a limit,
you cannot try to do too much, or you will do nothing.
 -- G. I. Gurdjieff
%%
Be good and you will be lonesome.
%%
Be good; if you can't be good, forget it!
%%
Be good, sweet maid, and let who will be clever;
  Do noble things, not dream them, all day long:
And so make life, death, and that vast forever
        One grand sweet song.
 -- Charles Kingsley (1819-1875)
 -- A Farewell
%%
Be good to your ENVIRONMENT -- Purge a liberal.
%%
Be good to your ENVIRONMENT -- Purge your TREE.
%%
Be good to your friends, or they may develop
psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo.
%%
Be happy. It is a way of being wise.
%%
Be happy while y'er leevin,
For y'er a lang time deid.
 -- Scottish motto for a house
%%
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
 -- Scottish Proverb
%%
Be happy with the real pleasures in life.
%%
Be happy with what you got and don't worry none about what you ain't got,
 cause you can't get happy when you is worry filled. If you got it, enjoy
 it, and if you ain't got it, don't give it no worry.
%%
Behave yourself, Mr. Bond!
%%
Behave yourselves, gentlemen.
 -- Yar, "Symbiosis", stardate unknown
%%
Behavior is a mirror in which every one displays his image.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.
 -- O'Neill
%%
BEHAVIOR, n.  Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by
breeding.  The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr. Jamrach
Holobom's translation of the following lines from the _Dies Irae_:

        Recordare, Jesu pie,
        Quod sum causa tuae viae.
        Ne me perdas illa die.

Pray remember, sacred Savior,
    Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your
    Death-blow.  Pardon such behavior.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Behead a Lawyer for Allah!
%%
Behead a Moderator for Allah!
%%
Beheading: The ultimate loss of face.
%%
Behind a frowning providence
  He hides a shining face.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Light shining out of Darkness
%%
Behind all the political rhetoric being hurled at us from abroad, we are 
bringing home one unassailable fact -- [terrorism is] a crime by any civilized
standard, committed against innocent people, away from the scene of political
conflict, and must be dealt with as a crime. . . .
   [I]n our recognition of the nature of terrorism as a crime lies
our best hope
of dealing with it. . . .
   [L]et us use the tools that we have.  Let us invoke the cooperation we have
the right to expect around the world, and with that cooperation let us shrink
the dark and dank areas of sanctuary until these cowardly marauders are held
to answer as criminals in an open and public trial for the crimes they have
committed, and receive the punishment they so richly deserve.
 -- William H. Webster, Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 15 Oct 1985
%%
Behind an able man there are always other able men.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Behind every big man .....
 is a big behind
%%
Behind every good computer - is a jumble of cables!
%%
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
 -- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
%%
Behind every great man is a great computer.
%%
Behind every great man is a great woman.
Behind every great woman is a great behind.
 -- anonymous male chauvinist
%%
  Behind every large program is a programmer struggling to get the
  small program out.
  Behind every such programmer is a manager asking how much longer
  before the programmer gets the small program out.
 -- Pemberton's Corollaries
%%
Behind every successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.
%%
Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman.
%%
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
 -- Maryon Pearson
%%
Behind every successful man is his BUTT.
%%
Behind every successful man is me wanting a fur coat.
%%
Behind every successful man stands a surprised MIL.
%%
Behind every successful man stands a woman; correcting him.
%%
Behind every successful man, there is a woman -- urging him on.
 -- Harry Mudd, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman who has nothing to wear.
%%
Behind every successful person is an ass.
%%
Behind every successful woman - herself.
%%
Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.
 -- Oscar Levant
%%
Behind your back, your collegues are talking about Jeckyll and Hyde.
%%
Behold him setting in his western skies,
The shadows lengthening as the vapours rise.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 268
%%
Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brethren
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxxiii, 1
%%
Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth.
 -- James 3:5
%%
Beholding heaven, and feeling hell.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Fire-Worshippers
%%
Beholding the bright countenance of truth in the quiet and still air
of delightful studies.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- The Reason of Church Government, Introduction, Book ii
%%
Behold! in Liberty's unclouded blaze
We lift our heads, a race of other days.
 -- Charles Sprague (1791-1875)
 -- Centennial Ode, Stanza 22
%%
Behold on wrong
Swift vengeance waits; and art subdues the strong!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book viii, Line 367
%%
Behold the child, by Nature's kindly law,
Pleased with a rattle, tickled with a straw;
Some livelier plaything gives his youth delight,
A little louder, but as empty quite;
Scarfs, garters, gold, amuse his riper stage,
And beads and prayer-books are the toys of age.
Pleased with this bauble still, as that before,
Till tired he sleeps, and life's poor play is o'er.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 274
%%
Behold the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket"
-- which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your
attention"; but the wise man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one
basket and -- watch that basket!"
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks
his neck out.
 -- James Bryant Conant
%%
Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine
print taketh away.
%%
Behold, whiles she before the altar stands,
Hearing the holy priest that to her speakes,
And blesseth her with his two happy hands.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- Epithalamion, Line 223
%%
Be honest with yourself until the end of your life. Then listen to the slow
 movement of the Schubert Quintet and kick the bucket.
 -- Nathan Milstein
%%
Be humble, for the worst thing in the world is of the same stuff as
you; be confident, for the stars are of the same stuff as you.
 -- Nicholai Velimirovic
%%
Be humble for you are made of dung.  Be noble for you are made of
stars.
 -- Serbian proverb
%%
:beige toaster: n. A Macintosh. See {toaster}; compare
   {Macintrash}, {maggotbox}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Be incredibly nice to someone today.
%%
Be independent.
Insult a rich relative today.
%%
Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Being able to say NO is the root to reclaiming your life.
%%
Being a blood donor helps, believe me. For example, Duelling in Paraguay is
 quite legal, provided that both parties are registered blood donors. As the
 ad for American Express says, membership has its privileges. One of them is
 participating in duels in Paraguay.
%%
Being about to pitch his camp in a likely place, and hearing there
was no hay to be had for the cattle, "What a life," said he, "is ours,
since we must live according to the convenience of asses!"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Philip
%%
Being a doormat gets you walked on.
%%
Being a frog isn't as bad as it seems.
Whenever anything bugs them, they eat it.
%%
Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Being against torture ought to be sort of a multipartisan thing.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer, as amended by Jeff Daiell, a Libertarian
%%
Being a ghost seems like the most wearying thing I can think of.
Have you ever studied Latin?
Okay, the second most wearying.
 -- Stephen Brust, _Agyar_
%%
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Being alive: Concentrating on goals, not limitations.
%%
Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick
and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go,
where the very opposite applies with the judges.
 -- Beyond the Fringe
%%
Being a New Yorker is never having to say you're sorry.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Being a nice guy does not imply that you always finish last. Sometimes, it
 will happen that you don't even get the chance to start. However, if you do
 get that chance, start early.
%%
Being a pain in the ass is a prerogative of the creative mind.
%%
Being a parent means knowing where the plunger is at all times.
%%
Being a politician is like being a football coach: you have to be smart
 enough to understand the game, but dumb enough to think it's important.
 -- Eugene McCarthy
%%
Being asked whether it was better to marry or not, he replied, "Whichever
you do, you will repent it."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Socrates, xvi
%%
Being average is being the best of the worst, or the worst of the best.
%%
Being a viking, I eat raw software
%%
Being a well-dressed man is a career, and he who goes in for it has no time
 for anything else.
 -- Heywood Broun
%%
Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade,
since it consists principally of dealings with men.
 -- Conrad
%%
Being baldpate is an unfailing sex magnet.
%%
Being blind, you cannot read the formula on the scroll.
%%
Being confused, you mispronounce the magic words ...
%%
Being creative is a job.
%%
Being depressed by the poor isn't much worse than being
bored by the rich
%%
Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!  <huff, huff>
%%
Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters
in life begin when you get what you want.
 -- Irving Kristol
%%
Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity. No
resemblance ...
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Being good at being stupid doesn't count.
%%
Being good in business is the most fascinating kind of art.
 -- Andy Warhol, painter and motion-picture producer
%%
"Being good through life `cause you might go to heaven is like shutting
 your eyes through a movie `cause you might get your money back."
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
Being human does have certain advantages -- being able to appreciate
  the beauty of a flower, of a woman.
 -- Kirk, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4658.9.
%%
Being in a minority, even a minority of one, does not make one insane.
 -- Winston Smith in Orwell's 1984
%%
Being in debt is one way of proving that is possible to have less than
 nothing.
%%
Being intelligent is not a felony.  But most societies evaluate it as
at least a misdemeanor.
%%
Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the boy scouts
have adult supervision.
 -- Blake Clark
%%
Being left-handed is a big advantage: no one knows enough about your swing
 to mess you up with advice.
 -- Bob Charles
%%
Being natural is simply a pose.
%%
Being nimble and light-footed, his father encouraged him to run in
the Olympic race. "Yes," said he, "if there were any kings there to
run with me."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Alexander
%%
Being normal is driving me crazy.
%%
Being normal isn't one of my strengths.
%%
Being old sucks!
%%
Being one man too many, Ensign Extra is booted off the Enterprise.
%%
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
 -- Karl Wallenda
%%
Being politically correct means always having to say you're  sorry.
 -- Roger Spaulding
%%
Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
%%
Being powerful is like being a lady.
If you have to tell people you are, you aren't!
 -- Margaret Thatcher.
%%
Being prepared brings good fortune.
If there are secret designs, it is disquieting.
%%
Being psychotic is all it's cracked up to be.
%%
 Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits.  Keep
 your karma clean by leaving your name, number, message, and the
 time that you called.
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
Being rich isn't a sin. It's a %$#!@)^ miracle!
%%
Being rich means that you don't have to wait for the paperback.
%%
Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.
%%
Being schizophrenic is better than living alone.
%%
Being seven points behind gives you a definite psychological advantage.
%%
Being sexy is a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it
%%
Being source-challenged is no problem.  It's when you're
documentation-challenged that difficulties arise.
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
Being stoned on marijuana isn't very different from being stoned on
gin.
 -- Ralph Nader
%%
Being summoned by the Athenians out of Sicily to plead for his life,
Alcibiades absconded, saying that that criminal was a fool who studied
a defence when he might fly for it.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Alcibiades
%%
Being too drunk to fish is like being too fat to bowl - impossible.
%%
    Being trapped in the Netherhells is not the most fearsome thing that can
happen to you. It is, in fact, probably no worse than being trapped in a cave
for a weekend with all your spouse's relatives, and, in most cases, will not
lead to total drooling gibbering madness, as is the popular misconception. If,
on the other hand, you find yourself trapped in the Netherhells for a weekend
with all your spouse's relatives, well, sometimes drooling and gibbering can
be fun.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXXIII
%%
Being ugly isn't illegal. Yet.
%%
Being weird isn't enough
%%
Being young is...I don't remember anymore!
%%
Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck,
Till thou applaud the deed.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
 -- John Howard Payne
%%
Be kind and considerate to others, depending somewhat upon who they are.
 -- Don Herold
%%
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
 -- Philo
%%
Be kind to animals.  Take a bitch to dinner.
%%
Be kind to animals.....Take your Boss to lunch......
%%
Be kind to dumb animals, and give small birds root beer.
%%
Be kind to my remains; and oh defend,
Against your judgment, your departed friend!
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Epistle to Congreve, Line 72
%%
Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any.
%%
Be kind to your mother-in-law. Babysitters are expensive.
%%
BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Bela Lugosi's dead.  How about you?
%%
Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas.
 -- Marie Curie
 (standard advice to reporters seeking interviews)

 The plain truth is that the reporter's trade is for young men. Your feet,
 which do the legwork, are nine times more important than your head, which
 fits the facts into a coherent pattern.
 -- Joseph W. Alsop, Jr.
%%
Belief gets in the way of learning.
 -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
%%
Belief in God? An afterlife? I believe in rock: this apodictic rock beneath my
feet.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Belief in progress is a doctrine of idlers and Belgians.
 -- Baudelaire
%%
Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
 -- Goethe
%%
Belief is the death of intelligence.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson
%%
BELIEF:
Something you do not believe.
%%
Belief? What do I believe in? I believe in sun. In rock. In the dogma of the
sun and the doctrine of the rock. I believe in blood, fire, woman, rivers,
eagles, storm, drums, flutes, banjos, and broom-tailed horses....
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Believe 1% of what you see, and none of what you hear.
%%
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
%%
Believe in yourself ... reach for things that no one else thought you
    could. Be the best person that you can be. Don't be limited by someone
    else's standards.
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
Believe it or not. I always considered myself a moderate.
What changed your mind?
Being stationed here for six months. Watching the body count grow. The
  three assassination attempts on my life.
Well, that'll change your point of view.
 -- Alexana Devos and Riker, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
Believe me, a thousand friends suffice thee not;
In a single enemy thou hast more than enough.
 -- Ali Ben Abi Taleb
%%
Believe me... It's a hardware problem or a Virus
%%
Believe me, there's nothing tougher to overcome [than a sense of
  purpose], even among humans.
 -- McCoy, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
Believe me!  The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the
greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Believe nothing, dare all.
%%
Believe nothing merely because you have been told it... Do not believe
what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher.  But
whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind,
conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings -- that
doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.
 -- Buddha
%%
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it--even if I
 have said it--unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common
 sense.
 -- The Buddha
%%
Believe not much them that seem to despise riches; for they despise them
that despair of them; and none are worse when they come to them.  Be not
penny-wise; riches have wings, and sometimes they fly away of
themselves, sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.
 -- Andre Gide
%%
Believe you're dumber than you are: you'll win.
%%
Believing is seeing.
 -- Disimoni's Rule of Cognition
%%
Be like a duck: Keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle
like the devil under water.
%%
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Be like Elton John - Get behind the boys at Watford every week.
%%
Be like Pooh...eat your hunny.
%%
BELLADONNA, n.  In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly
poison.  A striking example of the essential identity of the two
tongues.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bell, Book and candle.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. iv
%%
Bell, book and candle shall not drive me back.
 -- William Shakespeare, King John
%%
Bell Labs programmers do it with UNIX.
%%
Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
%%
BELL RATES: pay an arm & leg to use an ear & mouth
%%
Bell-ringers pull it themselves.
%%
:bells and whistles: [by analogy with the toyboxes on theater
   organs] n. Features added to a program or system to make it more
   {flavorful} from a hacker's point of view, without necessarily
   adding to its utility for its primary function.  Distinguished from
   {chrome}, which is intended to attract users.  "Now that we've
   got the basic program working, let's go back and add some bells and
   whistles."  No one seems to know what distinguishes a bell from a
   whistle.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bells, whistles, and gongs: n. A standard elaborated form of
   {bells and whistles}; typically said with a pronounced and ironic
   accent on the `gongs'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Belly Dancers:   People who use sign language and stutter...
%%
Belly laugh: Mirthquake.
%%
BELLYOLOGY: The study of Beer bellies
%%
Below Average Pilot:  Unequal number of takeoffs and landings...
%%
Be lowly wise:
Think only what concerns thee and thy being.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 173
%%
Below the thunders of the upper deep,
 Far, far beneath in the abysmal sea,
 His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
 The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
 About his shadowy sides...
 -- Tennyson "The Kraken"
%%
Belsen was a gas
 -- Mr. J. Rotten
%%
Beltane: It's not a holiday, it's a state of mind.
%%
Be mischievous and creative, if they fit you.
%%
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
%%
Be more sympathetic.
%%
Be my brother or I'll kill you.
%%
Ben, as your attorney, your friend, and your brother, I strongly suggest you
get a better lawyer.
 -- Jerry Horne, _Twin Peaks_
%%
:benchmark: [techspeak] n. An inaccurate measure of computer
   performance.  "In the computer industry, there are three kinds of
   lies: lies, damn lies, and benchmarks."  Well-known ones include
   Whetstone, Dhrystone, Rhealstone (see {h}), the Gabriel LISP
   benchmarks (see {gabriel}), the SPECmark suite, and LINPACK.  See
   also {machoflops}, {MIPS}, {smoke and mirrors}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bend a carrot if you will, but a turnip will never bend.
%%
Bend over, America, Clinton's in charge!
%%
Bend over and take it like a man!
%%
Bend over hard and SWEAR!
%%
Bend over.  I'll drive.
%%
Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way.
%%
Beneath the milk-white thorn that scents the evening gale.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Cotter's Saturday Night
%%
Beneath the rule of men entirely great,
The pen is mightier than the sword.
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- Richelieu, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Beneath this stone a virgin lies,
For her life held no terrors.
A virgin born, a virgin died:
No hits, no runs, no errors.
%%
Beneath this stone lies Murphy,
They buried him today,
He lived the life of Riley,
While Riley was away.
%%
Benedick the married man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
BENEDICTINES, n.  An order of monks otherwise known as black friars.

    She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be
        A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text.
    "Here's one of an order of cooks," said she --
        "Black friars in this world, fried black in the next."
                                   "The Devil on Earth" (London, 1712)
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
BENEFACTOR, n.  One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without,
however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the
means of all.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"Be neither a conformist or a rebel, for they are really the same thing.
Find your own path, and stay on it."
 -- Paul Vixie, <vixie@decwrl.dec.com>
%%
Be neither too early in the fashion, nor too long out of it; nor
at any time in the extremities of it.
 -- Lavater
%%
Ben Franklin may have found electricity, but the guy who invented the meter
 is the guy who came off with the real gold out of this whole process.
%%
Ben Franklin wasn't the ONLY one lightning got.
%%
Be nice and post the occasional ferret tagline.
%%
Be nice or be nuked.
%%
Be nice to me--I'm out of Valium.
%%
Be nice to people on the way up, because you'll meet them on the way down.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
Be nice to smokers. They don't have long to live.
%%
Be nice to someone.
%%
Be Nice to Your Enemies, It Drives Them Nuts.
%%
Be nice to your friends; if it weren't for them, you would be a total stranger.
%%
Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home.
%%
Benign ... What you are after you be eight.
%%
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
%%
Benjamin, will you *please* stop calling me 'Old Man?'
%%
Benji! Don't run out in the street! $#!@& - NO TERRIER
%%
Ben Kenobi at the dinnertable: Use the FORKS, Luke!
%%
Ben:    Leland's daughter was murdered and the Norwegians left.
Jerry:  Did they sign?
Ben:    No.
Jerry:  We had those vikings by the HORNS!  What HAPPENED?
Ben:    We're not exactly sure; they took the translator with them.
Jerry:  Sigh.  Did you say Leland's daughter was murdered?
Ben:    Yes.
Jerry:  I'm depressed.
 -- Ben & Jerry Horne, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Ben Lexcen only went to school for three years,
so he never learnt that some things are impossible.
%%
Benny Hill:  The master of the single entendre.
%%
Be noble! and the nobleness that lies
In other men, sleeping but never dead,
Will rise in majesty to meet thine own.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Sonnet iv
%%
Be not a baker if your head be of butter.
 -- Timeless English Proverb
%%
Be not a cock-o-the-walk.
%%
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. When you
 are not growing, you are dying. Growth is the only real sign of life.
%%
Be not afraid of life.  Believe that life is worth living, and your
belief will help create the fact.
 -- William James
%%
Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you
cannot make yourself as you wish to be.
 -- Thomas A. Kempis
%%
Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.
 -- Pope St. Gregory I
%%
Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.
 -- Confucian Proverb
%%
Be not ashamed to say what you are not ashamed to think.
%%
Be not a slave of words.
%%
Be not as one that hath ten thousand years to live; death is nigh
at hand: while thou livest, while thou hast time, be good.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 17
%%
Be not astonished at new ideas; for it is well known to you that a
thing does not therefore cease to be true because it is not accepted
by many.
 -- Spinoza
%%
Be not careless in deeds, nor confused in words, nor rambling in thought.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, viii, 51
%%
Be not diverted from your duty by any idle reflections the silly
world may make upon you, for their censures are not in your power,
and consequently should not be any part of your concern.
 -- Epictetus
%%
Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained
angels unawares.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews xiii, 2
%%
Be not hurried away by excitement, but say, "Semblance, wait for me
a little. Let me see what you are and what you represent. Let me try
you."
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- How the Semblances of Things are to be combated,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xviii
%%
Be not ignorant of anything in a great matter or a small.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus v, 15
%%
Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xii, 21
%%
Be not righteous overmuch.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes vii, 16
%%
Be not unwilling in what thou doest, neither selfish nor unadvised
nor obstinate; let not over-refinement deck out thy thought; be not
wordy nor a busybody.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 5
%%
Be not wise in your own conceits.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xii, 16
%%
Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
 -- Time Bandits
%%
Ben, why didn't you tell me?
 -- Luke Skywalker
%%
Be obscure clearly.
 -- E.B. White
%%
Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xiv, 27
%%
"Be of good cheer," said Diogenes; "I see land."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
Be of good cheer: We'll live to piss on the graves of our enemies.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Be on the lookout for a leopard which escaped from the zoo early this morning.
 It was spotted near the corner of 12th and Cherry at around 8am, and in all
 likelihood still is.
%%
Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water.
 -- Latin proverb
%%
Be open to other people--they may enrich your dream.
%%
Be part of the solution not part of the pollution.
%%
Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.
 -- Ovid
%%
Be patient with those who are slower than you, for they make you look better.
%%
Be pleasant no matter how much it hurts.
 -- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius," stardate 4372.5.
%%
Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day
will take care of itself.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Be prepared, be sharp, be careful, and use the King's English well. And you
 can forget all the [other rules] unless you remember one more: get paid.
 -- Robert N. C. Nix
%%
Be prepared... that's the Boy Scout's solemn creed.
Be prepared... to be clean in word and deed.
Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice,
Unless you get a good percentage of her price ...
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
Be prepared to accept sacrifices.
Vestal virgins aren't all that bad.
%%
Be prepared to go mad with fixed rule and method.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Bequeath your wheels to some destitute vehicle.
%%
Be quick, but never hurry.
 -- John Wooden
%%
Be quiet!
%%
Be quiet! Or disappear back where you came from.
I can't disappear...any more than you could win a beauty contest.
 -- Worf and Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Be realistic! Demand the impossible!
%%
Be reasonable. Do it my way.
%%
Bereavement leave is limited to 3 days immediately following the death
of the family member and must be scheduled in advance.
 -- from an employee handbook of a Pittsburgh (Oakland area) hospital.
%%
Bereft: missing the last plane to Japan.
%%
Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original
 in your work.
 -- Gustave Flaubert
%%
Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and original
in your work.
 -- Clive Barker, 'Jihad'
%%
Berenger: If we were married we could do this together all the time.
    Hurt: If we were married, I'd be doing this alone.
 -- Tom Berenger and Mary Beth Hurt, The Big Chill  (Going shopping)
%%
BERENICE'S HAIR, n.  A constellation (_Coma Berenices_) named in honor
of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband.

    Her locks an ancient lady gave
    Her loving husband's life to save;
    And men -- they honored so the dame --
    Upon some stars bestowed her name.

    But to our modern married fair,
    Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
    No stellar recognition's given.
    There are not stars enough in heaven.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Be right & fear no man.  Don't write & fear no woman.
%%
:Berkeley Quality Software: adj. (often abbreviated `BQS') Term used
   in a pejorative sense to refer to software that was apparently
   created by rather spaced-out hackers late at night to solve some
   unique problem.  It usually has nonexistent, incomplete, or
   incorrect documentation, has been tested on at least two examples,
   and core dumps when anyone else attempts to use it.  This term was
   frequently applied to early versions of the `dbx(1)' debugger.
   See also {Berzerkeley}.

   Note to British and Commonwealth readers: that's /berk'lee/, not
   /bark'lee/ as in British Received Pronunciation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:berklix: /berk'liks/ n.,adj. [contraction of `Berkeley UNIX'] See
   {BSD}.  Not used at Berkeley itself.  May be more common among
   {suit}s attempting to sound like cognoscenti than among hackers,
   who usually just say `BSD'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bernard of Chartres used to say that we are like dwarfs on the
shoulders of giants, so that we can see more than they, and things at a
greater distance, not by virtue of any sharpness on sight on our part,
or any physical distinction, but because we are carried high and raised
up by their giant size.
 -- Bernard of Chartres (d. c.1130)
 -- John of Salisbury Metalogicon (1159) bk. 3, ch. 4
%%
Bernard Shaw is an excellent man; he has not an enemy in
the world, and none of his friends like him either.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Berney - Jurassic Park clones Barney, feeds him gefilte fish.
%%
Be rooted like a boulder but flow like a river!
%%
Berserkers do it without thinking
%%
Bert? Are you awake Bert?
 -- Ernie
%%
Berth:  Any horizontal surface whose total area does not exceed one half of
   the surface area of an average person at rest, onto which at least one
        liter of some liquid seeps during any 12-hour period, and above which
 there are not less than 10 kilograms of improperly secured objects.
 -- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Be ruled by time, the wisest counsellor of all.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Pericles
%%
:Berzerkeley: /b*r-zer'klee/ [from `berserk', via the name of a
   now-deceased record label] n. Humorous distortion of `Berkeley'
   used esp. to refer to the practices or products of the
   {BSD} UNIX hackers.  See {software bloat}, {Missed'em-five},
   {Berkeley Quality Software}.

   Mainstream use of this term in reference to the cultural and
   political peculiarities of UC Berkeley as a whole has been reported
   from as far back as the 1960s.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Be safe. Use a condom.
%%
Be safe, use smoke detectors OR Sleep with a Fireman!
%%
Be security conscious -- because 80 percent of people are caused by
accident.
%%
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
%%
Be seeing you.
%%
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
%%
Be self-reliant and your success is assured. Unless you're incompetent.
%%
Besides a mathematical inclination, an exceptionally good mastery of
ones native tongue is the most vital asset of a competent programmer.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
Besides, it is clearly a bunny rabbit
 -- Data
%%
"Besides, my teeth aren't what they used to be.  I
 have some weird degenerate gum disease.  It turns
 out even the Undead have to floss."
 -- Dracula discusses problems of the modern vampire in "Dinosaurs For Hire"
%%
Besides, resistance would be useless.
 -- Ivo's wife, State of Decay
%%
Besides, they always smell of bread and butter.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Beppo, Stanza 39
%%
Besides, this Duncan
Hath borne his faculties so meek, hath been
So clear in his great office, that his virtues
Will plead like angels, trumpet-tongued, against
The deep damnation of his taking-off;
And pity, like a naked new-born babe,
Striding the blast, or heaven's cherubim, horsed
Upon the sightless couriers of the air,
Shall blow the horrid deed in every eye,
That tears shall drown the wind. I have no spur
To prick the sides of my intent, but only
Vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps itself,
And falls on the other.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 7
%%
Beside the skeleton is a rusty knife.
%%
Beside the Temple, to which room is it possible to go from the Altar?
%%
Be slow of tongue and quick of eye.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Be smart as a cat: Make a friend of your enemy's enemy.
%%
Be smart, but never show it.
 -- L. B. Mayer (to his daughter Edith)
%%
Be sober and temperate, and you will be happy.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary, the Devil, as a roaring
lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Peter v, 8
%%
Be sociable.
Speak to the person next to you in the unemployment line tomorrow.
%%
Be somebody. Know that a bunch of guys will do anything you tell 'em. Have
 your own way or nothin'.
 -- Edward G. Robinson (in Little Caesar,
 -- screenplay by Francis Edwards Faragoh)
%%
Be somewhat scanter of your maiden presence.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Be spontaneous!
%%
Be spontaneous ... combust.
%%
Be spontaneous, every now and then.
%%
Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it.
%%
Bester "That's a lie." Jeff "Yes it is. What's your point?"
%%
Best file compressor around: DEL *.* (100% compression!)
%%
Be stiff!
%%
BEST non sequitur FOR 1988:
  "Let's cut through the demagoguery.  America is #1."
 -- George Bush
%%
Best of all he liked to sleep. Sleeping was a very important activity for
him. He liked to sleep for longish periods, great swathes of time. Merely
sleeping overnight was not taking the business seriously. He enjoyed a good
night's sleep and wouldn't miss one for the world, but found it as anything
halfway near enough. He liked to be asleep by half-past eleven in the
morning if possible, and if that should come directly after a nice
leisurely lie-in then so much the better. A little light breakfast and a
quick trip to the bathroom while fresh linen was applied to his bed is
really all the activity he liked to undertake, and he took care that it
didn't janate the sleepiness out of him and disturb his afternoon of
napping. Sometimes he was able to spend an entire week asleep, and this he
regarded as a good snooze. He had also slept through the whole of 1986 and
hadn't missed it.
 -- Douglas Adams, The Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
%%
Best of all is never to have been born.  Second best is to die soon.
%%
Be strange... it's cool out there.
%%
Best to avoid nightmare; Never argue with your spouse.
%%
Best to leave town until this blows over.
%%
Best trust the happy moments... the days that make us happy make us wise.
 -- John Masefield
%%
Best way to a man's heart...crack the 3rd and 4th rib...
%%
Best way to be useful - stay out of the way!
%%
Best way to defeat the the Borg:  Give them Windows 3.1.
%%
Best you take my advice...before the cat eats it.
%%
Be sudden.  Be neat.  Be unimpassioned.  If you are serious about something,
leave it out.
%%
Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
%%
Be sure not to start a tagline you can't finis
%%
Be sure of it; give me the ocular proof.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Be sure that God
Ne'er dooms to waste the strength he deigns impart.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Paracelsus, Part i
%%
Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio.
%%
Be sure to obtain meteorological information before leaving on vacation.
%%
Be sure to pay your taxes.
%%
Be sure to practice safe hex... Use an Eraser
%%
Be sure to save your money--you never know when it
might be worth something.
%%
Be sure to treat your assumptions as though they are reality.
%%
Be sure you are right, then go ahead.
 -- The motto of David Crockett in the war of 1812
%%
Be sure your ladder of success is leaning against the right wall.
 -- Dobson
%%
Be suspicious of all native-born Esperanto speakers.
%%
Be suspicious of all non-native-born Esperanto speakers.
%%
Be suspicious of anything that works perfectly --
it's probably because two errors are canceling
each other out.
 -- Dave Bartley
%%
Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
 -- New Testament
 -- James i, 19
%%
Beta bashing - a way of life for demented people.
%%
Be tactful; overlook not your own opportunity.
%%
Beta Testers are crazy, Alpha Testers are totally insane.
%%
Beta testers do it first!
%%
Beta-testers do it for free.
%%
BETA TESTERS do it looking for mistakes
%%
BETA TESTERS WHO LIE! On the next Geraldo...
%%
BETA testing is hazardous to your health.
%%
Beta version - too buggy to be released.
%%
Betazoid modem: it downloads the files it senses you want.
%%
Betcha Bo don't know SALT!
%%
Betelgeuse!  Betelgeuse!  Betelgeuse!
%%
Be tenacious.
%%
Be thankful...  I could be your neighbor.
%%
Be thankful that you don't live in Upland.
%%
Be the ball, man.  Be the ball.
%%
Be the day never so long,
Evermore at last they ring to evensong.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
Be the first to go unless you think.
%%
Be there.   Aloha.
 -- Steve McGarret, _Hawaii Five-Oh_
%%
Be thine enemy an ant, see in him an elephant.
 -- Turkish Proverb
%%
Be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape calumny.
Get thee to a nunnery, go.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Be thou faithful unto death.
 -- New Testament
 -- Revelation ii, 10
%%
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Be thou the rainbow to the storms of life,
The evening beam that smiles the clouds away,
And tints to-morrow with prophetic ray!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Bride of Abydos, Canto ii, Stanza 20
%%
Bet my floppy's bigger than yours.
%%
Be to her virtues very kind;
Be to her faults a little blind.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- An English Padlock
%%
Be tolerant of those who disagree with you, after all, they have
a right to their ridiculous opinions.
%%
Be touchable and kissable.
 -- Marabel Morgan
%%
Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Bets at the first were fool-traps where the wise Like spiders lay
in ambush for the flies.
 -- Dryden
%%
Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
 -- Confucius, Analects
%%
Better a Quest Perilous than a Pest Querulous.
%%
Better a sister in a whorehouse than a brother on a Honda.
%%
Better ask twice than go wrong once.
 -- German Proverb
%%
Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
%%
Better attitudes through chemistry.
%%
Better be alone than in bad company.
%%
Better be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo.
 -- Emerson
%%
Better be ignorant of a matter than half know it.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 865
%%
Better bend than break.
 -- Scottish Proverb
%%
Better be with the dead,
Whom we, to gain our peace, have sent to peace,
Than on the torture of the mind to lie
In restless ecstasy. Duncan is in his grave;
After life's fitful fever he sleeps well:
Treason has done his worst; nor steel, nor poison,
Malice domestic, foreign levy, nothing,
Can touch him further.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Better Bullshipping thru Science!
%%
Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember
and be sad.
 -- Christina Georgina Rossetti
%%
Better clean death than dirty life.
 -- Frank Herbert
%%
Better contraceptives will control population only if people will use them.
A nuclear holocaust can be prevented only if the conditions under which
nations make war can be changed. The environment will continue to
deteriorate until pollution practices are abandoned. We need to make vast
changes in human behavior.
 -- B. F. Skinner, Beyond Freedom and Dignity
%%
Better fifty years of Europe than a cycle of Cathay.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 184
%%
Better gay than grumpy!
%%
Better get a bigger gun, cuz I'm not dead yet....
%%
"Better Get Moving" by Sheik Alegg
%%
Better go home and hit your kids. They are just little monsters!
%%
Better go home and play with your kids. They are just little monsters!
%%
Better go home and work on that application for transfer.
%%
Better have failed in the high aim, as I,
Than vulgarly in the low aim succeed,--
As, God be thanked! I do not.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Inn Album, iv
%%
Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come
around while you have your life in such a mess.
%%
Better hope you get what you want before you stop wanting it.
%%
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred
therewith.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xv, 17
%%
Better is halfe a lofe than no bread.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest
vow and not pay.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes v, 5
%%
Better is the enemy of good.
%%
Better is to bow then breake.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
Better late than before anybody has invited you.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Better late than never.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
Better late than never.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Matthew xxi
%%
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
 -- The single girl's motto.
%%
Better late than never.
 -- Titus Livius (Livy)
%%
Better leave the dungeon, otherwise you might get hurt badly.
%%
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
%%
Better living through alchemy.
%%
Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone.
 -- Baltasar Gracian
%%
Better Mental Health: Cy Kosis
%%
Better murder an infant in its cradle than nurse an unacted desire
 -- William Blake
%%
Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out
 when you're coming home his face might burn up.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Better one byrde in hand than ten in the wood.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Better pointed bullets than pointed speeches.
 -- Otto Von Bismarck (1815-1898)
%%
Better Red than dead.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Better stop short than fill to the brim.
%%
Better stop short than fill to the brim.
   Oversharpen the blade, and the edge will soon blunt.  Amass a store
  of gold and jade, and no one can protect it.  Claim wealth and
  titles, and disaster will follow.  Retire when the work is done.
  This is the way of heaven.
 -- Tao Te Ching
%%
Better taglines through confiscation.
%%
Better than the Other Leading National Brand...
%%
Better the devil you know than none at all.
%%
Better the prince of some inferior court,
Than second, or less, in beatific light.
 -- Lucifer [Joost van den Vondel's Lucifer]
%%
Better to be despised for too anxious apprehensions, than ruined
by too confident a security.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
Better to be driven out from among men than to be disliked of children.
 -- Richard Henry Dana
%%
Better to be ill spoken of by one before all than by all before one.
 -- Scottish proverb
%%
Better to break your word than do worse in keeping it.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
Better to die a thousand deaths than wound my honor.
 -- Addison
%%
Better to give then to take.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. v
%%
Better to have bread and an onion with peace than stuffed fowl with strife.
 -- Arab proverb
%%
Better to have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
%%
Better to hunt in fields for health unbought
Than fee the doctor for a nauseous draught.
The wise for cure on exercise depend;
God never made his work for man to mend.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Epistle to John Dryden of Chesterton, Line 92
%%
Better to kill time than have it kill you.
 -- Karl
%%
Better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a lamb.
%%
Better to live with the occasional vagaries of digital pseudonyms than to
ban them.
 -- T.C.May, cofounder, Cypherpunks
%%
Better to love amiss than nothing to have loved.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- Tale xiv, The Struggles of Conscience
%%
Better to marry a man who loves you than one you love.
%%
Better to send ten ambulances when they are not needed than one when it is.
%%
Better to sink beneath the shock
Than moulder piecemeal on the rock.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 969
%%
Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.
%%
Better to throw it out-than throw it in.
 -- Skinny Mitchell
%%
Better to Trade Knowledge than Something of Value.
%%
Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
%%
Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the
 public and have no self.
 -- Cyril Connolly
%%
Better trust all, and be deceived,
  And weep that trust and that deceiving,
Than doubt one heart, that if believed
  Had blessed one's life with true believing.
 -- Frances Anne Kemble (1811-)
 -- Faith
%%
Better use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 866
%%
Better watch where you're stepping, when in this conference.
%%
BETTER WEIRD THAN DEAD!
 -- Eerie Indiana
%%
Betty Crocker was a flour child.
%%
"Betty, If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a
 human being, you'd be a game-show host."
 -- Veronica, "Heathers"
%%
Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson
Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate.
Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and
great effort pushing boulders into a single word.

It can be seen from 10,000 feet, silhouetted against the snow.
Government officials exchanged memos full of circumlocutions (no Latin
equivalent exists) but failed to word an appropriation bill for the
destruction of this cairn, that wouldn't alert the press and embarrass
both Parliament and Party.

It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
planets, this may be the first message received from us.
 -- The Realist, November, 1964.
%%
Between amoebas and mankind
There seems to be a mighty chasm
But if you study both, you'll find
Your body, and perhaps, your mind
Is largely of this very kind
Of animated protoplasm.
 -- Gerald Lynton Kaufman
%%
Between cheap and expen$ive is the truth.
%%
Between grand theft and a legal fee,
there only stands a law degree.
%%
Between lost baggage and canceled flights, and connections made on the run,
 one wonders how they arrived at the phrase "getting there is half the fun."
%%
Between stimulus and response lies the free will to choose.
%%
Between the acting of a dreadful thing
And the first motion, all the interim is
Like a phantasma, or a hideous dream:
The Genius and the mortal instruments
Are then in council; and the state of man,
Like to a little kingdom, suffers then
The nature of an insurrection.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Between the legs of the women walking by, the dadaists imagined a monkey
 wrench and the surrealists a crystal cup.   That's lost.
 -- Ivan Chtcheglov
%%
Between the two of us, President Clinton and I have put to rest any myths
 about the intelligence of Rhodes scholars.
 -- Kris Kristofferson
%%
Between the wish and the thing life lies waiting.
%%
Between those who use their neighbors, and those who use a cane.
Between those in constant power, and those in constant pain.
Between those who run to evil, and those who cannot run.
Tell me which ones are the cripples, and which ones touch the sun.
 -- Ceili's Muse "What you do with what you've got"
%%
Between two evils, choose neither.  Between two goods, choose both.
 -- Tyron Edwards
%%
Between two hawks, which flies the higher pitch;
Between two dogs, which hath the deeper mouth;
Between two blades, which bears the better temper;
Between two horses, which doth bear him best;
Between two girls, which hath the merriest eye,--
I have perhaps some shallow spirit of judgment;
But in these nice sharp quillets of the law,
Good faith, I am no wiser than a daw.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Between your head and your heart, your head has got to win.
%%
Bet you can't stop reading here <---                     I knew it...
%%
Bet you wonder how I knew about your plan to make me blue
with some other guy that you knew before.  Between both guys
you know I love you more.  It took me by surprise, I must say,
when I found out yesterday.  Don't you know I heard it through
the grapevine. How much longer would you be mine?  I heard it
through the grapevine.  Now I'm just about to lose my mind.
 -- Marvin Gaye
%%
Be vague... be very vague.
%%
Be valyaunt, but not too venturous. Let thy attyre bee comely, but not costly.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), page 39
%%
Be vary quite, I'm huntin' wabbits
%%
Beveramirage:  the dark ring on the bottom of the soft drink bottle.
%%
Beverly: "And once you've taught her, then you'll go away?"
Q: "And leave her here?  Of course not! She'll come back to the Qontinuum where
she belongs."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Beverly: "As long as these Borg implants are functioning, there's no way I can
  separate the man from the machine."
Data: "Then perhaps, there is a way I can access the machine, Doctor."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Beverly: "At least I have an idea of what I'm doing here."
Kristin: "But, what about me?  I mean I'm a patient in a bathing suit.  That
  doesn't say much."
Beverly: "No it doesn't."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Beverly can turn Data off but only Tasha can turn him on.
%%
Beverly: "Captain, I'd like to announce the birth of a large baby...
  *something*."
 -- "Galaxy's Child", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "Captain, Mister Tarmin gave us a demonstration of his abilities this
afternoon. It's fascinating. Perhaps you would like to resurrect some
memories?"
Tarmin: "I'd be happy to probe your recollections, Captain. Most people find it
an enjoyable experience."
Picard: "I'm sure. However, I don't think I would make a particularly good
subject."
Beverly: "I'm sure you'd be ideal. And, you must have some *intriguing*
memories."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Beverly: "Captain, the first thing you need to get is some rest.  Now this has
  been a shock to your system and I want you to not push yourself."
LaForge: "We're pretty busy down there anyway, Captain Scott.  I promise I'd be
  happy to give you a tour just as soon as the doctor says it's okay."
Beverly: "I'll find someone to show you your quarters."
Scott: "Aye..."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Beverly: "Don't worry, Jean-Luc, it's the butler, only two lines!"
 -- "A Fistful Of Datas", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "Do you remember anything more about yourself?"
MacDuff: "No, I'm sorry, Doctor."
Beverly: "Back to square one."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Beverly: "Her transcript is *very* impressive.  She's done honors work in
  neurobiology, plasmadynamics, and nicoregeneration.  I'd say that's pretty
  well-rounded."
Rogers: "Well that's a nice way of saying that I haven't decided what I'm going
  to do with my life."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Beverly: "I couldn't even *guess* at your I.Q. level now."
Barclay: "Probably somewhere between twelve-hundred and fourteen-fifty."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Beverly: "I don't want to be known as the 'Dancing Doctor'...again."
 -- "Data's Day", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "If he was mortal, he'd be dead."
Q: "Well, let's not overstate the matter here, Doctor.  I'm mortal and I
  survived."
[Silence]
Q: "Your cheers are overwhelming."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Beverly: "If I remember correctly, the last time you graced my Sickbay,
you were
diving off the Cliffs of Heaven on Sumico IV, Holodeck Program Forty-Seven C."
Kristin: "Same thing, only that time I flattened out when I should've tucked."
Beverly: "Well, as your doctor, I would like to recommend the Emerald Wading
Pool on Sirus IV. A lot safer."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Beverly: "If there's nothing wrong with *me*...there must be something wrong
  with the universe."
 -- "Remember Me", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "I heard you know how to turn him on."
Wesley: "This is serious, Wes!"
 -- "Datalore", Stardate 41242.4
%%
Beverly: "I hear you've been accepted to the Academy.  I have a son there."
Rogers: "Oh.  Being posted on the Enterprise, I guess you don't get to see him
  very often."
Beverly: "No, not as much as I'd like."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Beverly is in a sweater - 2 drinks!
%%
Beverly is in something slinky and in Picard's quarters - 4 drinks!
%%
Beverly, it is our obligation to escape.
"He's prepared to kill you."
An excellent reason to escape.
 -- Picard and Crusher, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
Beverly: "I've arranged to have you work in all the major departments while
you're here.  And I'm willing to bet that by the time it's over, you'll have a
pretty idea what field you're interested in."
Picard: "Or, at least what field you're *not* interested in."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Beverly: "Jean-Luc, it's Beverly.  Can you hear me?"
Locutus: "Beverly...Crusher, Doctor."
Beverly: "Yes."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Beverly: "Lieutenant, you could very well be the most advanced human being who
  has ever lived."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Beverly: "Medical Log, Stardate 45431.7.  Commander Riker is the second officer
  who has fallen into an unexplained coma.  I have examined the Ullians and
  ruled out the possibility that they carry a harmful organism."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45431.7
%%
Beverly: "O'Brien, Geordi, Worf, Wesley...my *son*!  They have been the living,
  breathing backbone of this ship for over three years!  They deserve more than
  to be shrugged off...brushed aside, just pinched out of existence like that!
  They all do.  They deserve so much more."
 -- "Remember Me", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "See all these readouts?  That's your heart rate, your blood pressure,
  all your vital signs.  You're in good shape!  You might just live to be my
  age."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Beverly: "She has plans for herself!  A career and a family!"
Q: "I'm *rescuing* her from that miserable existence."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Beverly: "That 'miserable' existence is all she's known for the last eighteen
  years.  You have *no* right to take her away from it!"
Q: "Mon capitan, I *really* think we need to speak privately."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Beverly: "That was a real improvement!"
Barclay: "Same time?  Day after tomorrow?"
Beverly: "'Same time'."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Beverly: "There's something else, Captain.  He taught violin technique at the
  music school last night."
Riker: "I didn't know Barclay played the violin."
Beverly: "He *didn't*.  Not until last night."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Beverly: "They don't do a lot of tap dancing at weddings."
 -- "Data's Day", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "They're brothers, Data.  Brothers forgive."
 -- "Brothers", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "They're not removable, are they, Data?"
Data: "'Removable'?"
Beverly: "Your ears."
Data: "No, Doctor.  They are fully integrated components."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Beverly: "Transfer circuits are functioning properly."
Timothy: "Within established parameters?"
Beverly: "Absolutely.  Input processing, pattern recognition, all 'within
  established parameters.'"
Data and Timothy: "Thank you, Doctor."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Beverly: "Wait a minute!  You, you can't just come in here and take her away
  from everything she's ever known!"
Q: [Laughs]  "I assure you I can."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Beverly: "We're lucky we didn't lose you."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Beverly: "We will start with the assumption that I am *not* crazy."
 -- "Remember Me", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "Will, he's alive.  If we could get him back to the ship, I might be
  able to restore--"
Riker: "This is our only chance to destroy them.  If they get back into warp,
  our weapon is useless."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "Worf, I have an opening in my workshop."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate Unknown
%%
Beverly: "Worf, the big guy who never smiles.  The *Klingon*!  Will Riker, your
first officer!  He's...he's very good at poker! Loves to cook...he listens t
jazz music...plays the trombone!  Commander Data, the android who sits at Ops.
*Dreams* of being human...never gets the punchline of a joke!  Deanna Troi,
your ship's counselor.  Half Betazoid...loves chocolate.  The arrival of her
mother makes you shudder!"
 -- "Remember Me", Stardate unknown
%%
Beverly: "Your right eye is point zero zero four higher than the left."
Picard: "Nobody's perfect, Doctor.  But--"
Beverly: "If you want a proper fit to your prosthetics, trust your tailor."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Beverly: "You've got your work cut out for you."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Be very slow to believe that you are wiser than all others; it is a fatal but
common error. Where one has been saved by a true estimation of another's
weakness, thousands have been destroyed by false appreciation of their own
strength.
 -- Charles C. Colton
%%
Be very, very frightened, Arthur Dent.
%%
Be vewwy, vewwy quiet ... I'm hunting wabbits ... heh, heh, heh, heh.
%%
Be vewwy, vewwy qwiet. We're hunting Elmers.."
 -- Bugs Bunny & Daffy
%%
Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Beware a man of one book.
 -- English Proverb
%%
Beware: a tagline thief has been reported...GOTCHA!
%%
"BEWARE, EVILDOERS, WHEREVER YOU ARE!"
 -- The Masked Avenger
%%
BEWARE - Ferret Tagline Thief in this echo.
%%
Beware! I'm armed and have premenstrual tension.
%%
Beware! I'm armed and have suffered from PMS all my life.
%%
Beware low flying ducks!
%%
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
%%
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes,
and not rather a new wearer of clothes.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), Walden (1854)
%%
Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Beware of an envelope that ticks.
%%
Beware of an executive with a clean desk.
%%
Beware of any endeavor requiring new clothes
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Beware of a short dark haired man wearing a loud tie.
%%
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
%%
Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.
%%
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
%%
Beware of attack cat.
%%
Beware of attacking SPEED HUMPS!
%%
Beware of bathrooms with towels reading His, Hers, and Its.
%%
Beware of Bigfoot!
%%
Beware of bogus parmbytes.
%%
Beware of bow-hunters, You might get the SHAFT!
%%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
 -- Donald Knuth
%%
Beware of cheap JH Junior imitations.
%%
Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
%%
Beware of dark rooms... they might be the morgue.
%%
Beware of death rays!
%%
Beware of desperate steps! The darkest day,
Live till to-morrow, will have pass'd away.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Needless Alarm, Moral
%%
Beware of entrance to a quarrel; but being in, bear it that the opposer
may beware of thee.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel; but being in,
Bear 't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Beware of exploding penguins!
%%
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but
 inwardly they are ravening wolves.
 -- Matthew 7:15
%%
Beware of fire, water, dogs,
 and the man who speaks under his breath.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
%%
Beware of Geeks Bearing .GIF's...
%%
Beware of geeks bearing graft.
%%
Beware of Geeks bearing grifts.
%%
Beware of, Had I wist.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ii
%%
Beware of hungry dogs!
%%
Beware of instigators bearing coy taglines!
%%
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
%%
Beware of low-flying rocks.
%%
Beware of magicians, they manifest anger in strange ways.
%%
Beware of malapropisms. They are a communist submersive plot.
%%
Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet,
 he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which
 involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should
 not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative.
 Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out.
 Unless, of course, he's the pilot.
 -- Cynthia Heimel
%%
Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in
 touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and
 in touch with are their own.
 -- Nora Ephron
%%
Beware of Modem Addiction!  It's contagious!
%%
Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for
the corner of the rug.
%%
Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.
 -- Chip Salzenberg
%%
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
 -- Leonard Brandwein
%%
Beware of Quantum Ducks, Quark! Quark!
 -- Seen near the Stanford Linear Accelerator
%%
Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a
drip under pressure.
%%
Beware of short waiters.
%%
Beware of that person who is slow to anger. For when it is long in coming,
 it stays longer and is warmer and dies not so easily. Abused patience is a
 very strong fuel for a fire not easily put out by any known means.
%%
Beware of the "Black Swan" fallacy.  Deductive logic is tautological; there is
no way to get a new truth out of it, and it manipulates false statements as
readily as true ones.  If you fail to remember this, it can trip you - with
perfect logic.  The designers of the earliest computers called this the "Gigo
Law", i.e. "garbage in, garbage out".  Inductive logic is MUCH more difficult -
but can produce new truths.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Beware of the cafe that serves crisp tapioca.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Beware of the Congressman you think is your friend.
%%
Beware of the fool whose volume of words is as that of ten men, a
hundred arrows shot and each one wide of the target.  If thou art wise,
shoot one and that one straight.
 -- Bustan of Sadi
%%
Beware of the half truth.  You may have gotten hold of the wrong half.
%%
Beware of the man who has no enemies.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
%%
Beware of the man whose god is in the skies.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Beware of the man who will not engage in idle conversation; he is planning
 to steal your walking stick or water your stock.
 -- William Emerson
%%
Beware of the man who won't be bothered with details.
 -- William Feather, Sr.
%%
Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and
 finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of
 murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by
 their ignorance the hard way.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
%%
Beware of the minotaur. He's very horny!
%%
Beware of the opinion of someone without any facts.
%%
 Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.
 -- Matz's warning
%%
Beware of the potion of Nitroglycerine - it's not for the weak of heart.
%%
Beware of the powermonging InterLink Moderators.
%%
Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing
 of interest is easy.
%%
Beware of the Vampire Jesus--He gave his blood for you
and he wants it all back now!
%%
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Beware of true believers you may be duped by a false god.
%%
Beware of wands of instant disaster.
%%
Beware of what you ask of the Gods, for they may....
%%
Beware of your wishes: They will probably come true.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Beware of Yuppies bearing Uzis.
%%
BEWARE!  People acting under the influence of human nature.
%%
BEWARE...Tagline protected by guard dogs!
%%
Beware the bore worms!
%%
Beware the Cobolosaurus Rex!
%%
Beware the eyes of Morphy.
%%
Beware the fury of a patient man.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 1005
%%
Beware the grammar / Spelling Gestapo.
%%
Beware the Grin Reaper [smiley face with teeth]
%%
Beware the ides of March.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Beware the Jabberwock, my son
 The jaws that bite, the claws that catch
 Beware the jubjub bird, and shun
 The frumious bandersnatch
 -- _Jabberwocky_, by Lewis Carroll (Charles Dodgson)
%%
Beware the Jubjub bird
%%
Beware the Killer Rabbit!
%%
Beware the lightening that lurketh in the undischarged
capacitor, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most
untechnician-like manner.
 -- The First Commandment for Technicians
%%
"Beware the [lobbyist], my son, the jaws that bite, the claws that
snatch" (with thanks to Lewis Carroll).  No matter how noble the cause
or well meaning its professional advocates, lobbyists are still paid to
get results.  They're subject to errors in judgement, shortcomings in
motives, and most of them don't even vote in your district.
 -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
Beware the man of one book.
 -- St. Thomas Aquinas
%%
Beware the man who fears you.
%%
Beware the man who makes cream with his mouth; he winds up making
butter with his nose.
 -- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
Beware the man who slaps you on the back -
he is probably trying to make you cough up something.
%%
Beware the man with white feathers and an orange mouth,
for he is a duck in disguise.
%%
Beware the new TTY code!
%%
Beware the one behind you.
%%
Beware the psychopomp
%%
Beware the scurge of the Ice Queen!
%%
Beware the shadows, for they are...ARRGHH!
%%
Beware! The tagline thief lurks in the depths of _____Net!
%%
Beware! The teddy bears of today still carry the
vestigial claws of their ancestors
%%
Beware the thirty-first of November.
%%
Beware The TOPIC POLICEMAN!
%%
Beware the wench with scurvy in her bilge.
%%
Beware the wrath of a patient person.
%%
Beware the writer who always encloses the word *reality* in quotation marks:
He's trying to slip something over on you. Or into you.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Beware when in the company of yourself since you are a practicing
 homosapien.
%%
"Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet."
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Circles"
%%
Beware! Your brain may no longer be the boss.
 -- Firesign Theatre, Everything you know is Wrong
%%
Be warned that being an expert is more than understanding how a system is
 supposed to work.   Expertise is gained by investigating why a system doesn't
 work.
 -- Brian Redman, Bell Communications Research, UUCP UNIX-to-UNIX Copy,
 -- UNIX NETWORKING, edited by Stephen Kochan and Patrick Wood
%%
Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and
miss
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Be wary of the man who urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk.
 -- Joaquin de Setanti
%%
BEW: Branch Either Way
%%
Be where you are, and go where you're going.
%%
Be wisely worldly, be not worldly wise.
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
 -- Emblems, Book ii, Emblem 2
%%
Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.
 -- Lord Chesterfield (to his son)
%%
Be wise to-day; 't is madness to defer.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 390
%%
Be wise with speed;
A fool at forty is a fool indeed.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire ii, Line 282
%%
Bewitched and bewildered in San Diego.
%%
Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered, they should be!
%%
Be ye all of one mind.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Peter iii, 8
%%
Be ye angry and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
 -- Ephesians 4:26
%%
Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order...
 -- The Book of Uterus 1;5
%%
Be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew x, 16
%%
Beyond a critical point within a finite space, freedom diminishes as
numbers increase. . . . the human question is not how many can possibly
survive within the system, but what kind of existence is possible for those
who do survive.
 -- Frank Herbert, Dune
%%
Beyond each corner new directions lie in wait.
 -- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
Beyond the 23-rd level lies a happy retirement in a room of your own.
%%
Beyond the limits of a vulgar fate,
Beneath the good how far,--but far above the great.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Progress of Poesy, III, Line 16
%%
Beyond this vale of tears
  There is a life above,
Unmeasured by the flight of years;
  And all that life is love.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Issues of Life and Death
%%
Be Young... Have Fun... Chug Down Six-Packs Of Jolt... Worship Barney.
%%
Be Young! Have fun! Play hockey!
%%
Be YoUnG! hAvE fUn! PlAy TrAdEwArS!
%%
Be Young! Have fun! Watch hockey!
%%
Be yourself--it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it
%%
Be yourself to do your best.
%%
Be Yourself. Who else is better qualified?
 -- Frank J. Giblin II
%%
BFA: Branch to False Assumption
%%
BF: Belch Fire
%%
BF: Blow Fuse
%%
BF: Branch Forever
%%
BFD: Branch on Full Disk
%%
BFF: Branch and Form Feed
%%
BFM: Be Fruitful and Multiply
%%
BGFT: Add a new dimension to BBS communications
%%
BGFT: BackGround File Transfer conference on NANET
%%
BH: Branch and Hang
%%
BhlarneyStone: For benchmarking vapourware.
%%
Bias used to say that men ought to calculate life both as if they
were fated to live a long and a short time, and that they ought to
love one another as if at a future time they would come to hate one
another; for that most men were bad.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Bias, v
%%
BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
BIBLE
  A bible is a book which one or more religions consider to be holy,
  and to be something that they should follow. It is of course
  generally rather impractical to follow books, not just because they
  don't often go anywhere, but also because they are not very good at
  public speaking, decision making, problem solving, or any of the
  other qualities recognised as being an advantage for leadership. A
  religion based around the teachings of any compilation of Toxic
  Custard would be very strange indeed. To subscribe to this new cult
  following, send $15 now.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:bible: n. 1. One of a small number of fundamental source books
   such as {Knuth} and {K&R}.  2. The most detailed and
   authoritative reference for a particular language, operating
   system, or other complex software system.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bibles laid open, millions of surprises.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Sin
%%
Bibliography is my business.
%%
Bibliography is none of my business...
%%
Bibliography isn't my business, it's my hobby.
%%
Bibliography may not be my business, but all those years in grad
school made it easy...
%%
Biblotry: A mental disorder that only effects Republicans.
%%
:BiCapitalization: n. The act said to have been performed on
   trademarks (such as {PostScript}, NeXT, {NeWS}, VisiCalc,
   FrameMaker, TK!solver, EasyWriter) that have been raised above the
   ruck of common coinage by nonstandard capitalization.  Too many
   {marketroid} types think this sort of thing is really cute, even
   the 2,317th time they do it.  Compare {studlycaps}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bicycle - a gay woman's menstrual cycle.
%%
Bicycle racers do it with at 90-110 rpm.
%%
"Bicycle Repair Man, how can I ever repair you?"
"Well, you don't need to, gov, it's all right.
It's all in a day's work for ... Bicycle Repair Man. <Sniff!>"
 -- Monty Python
%%
 Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 10
%%
 Bicycles don't get headaches.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 21
%%
 Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 22
%%
 Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 4
%%
Bicycles may not be ridden without "appropriate fashion accessories"
anywhere in Santa Clara County (de facto law).
%%
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.
%%
Bicyclists do it with a cadence.
%%
Bicyclists do it with chains.
%%
Bidet?  Try washing your whole body.
%%
Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Venus and Adonis, Line 145
%%
Bid, then, the tender light of faith to shine By which alone the
mortal heart is led Unto the thinking of the thought divine.
 -- George Santayana
%%
:BIFF: /bif/ [USENET] n. The most famous {pseudo}, and the
   prototypical {newbie}.  Articles from BIFF are characterized by
   all uppercase letters sprinkled liberally with bangs, typos,
   `cute' misspellings (EVRY BUDY LUVS GOOD OLD BIFF CUZ HE"S A
   K00L DOOD AN HE RITES REEL AWESUM THINGZ IN CAPITULL LETTRS LIKE
   THIS!!!), use (and often misuse) of fragments of {talk mode}
   abbreviations, a long {sig block} (sometimes even a {doubled
   sig}), and unbounded naivet'e.  BIFF posts articles using his
   elder brother's VIC-20.  BIFF's location is a mystery, as his
   articles appear to come from a variety of sites.  However,
   {BITNET} seems to be the most frequent origin.  The theory that
   BIFF is a denizen of BITNET is supported by BIFF's (unfortunately
   invalid) electronic mail address: BIFF@BIT.NET.

   [1993: Now It Can Be Told!  My spies inform me that BIFF was
   originally created by Joe Talmadge <jat@cup.hp.com>, also the
   author of the infamous and much-plagiarized "Flamer's Bible".
   The BIFF filter he wrote was later passed to Richard Sexton, who
   posted BIFFisms much more widely.  Versions have since been posted
   for the amusement of the net at large. -- ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:biff: /bif/ vt. To notify someone of incoming mail.  From the
   BSD utility `biff(1)', which was in turn named after a
   friendly golden Labrador who used to chase frisbees in the halls at
   UCB while 4.2BSD was in development (it had a well-known habit of
   barking whenever the mailman came).  No relation to
   {BIFF}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bigamist: A fog over Italy.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Bigamist: One who makes the same mistake twice.
%%
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the
 expense of alimony.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
Bigamy is taking one too many.
%%
BIGAMY, n.  A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will
adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bigamy: Too many wives. Alimony: Same thing.
%%
Bigamy: When two rites make a wrong...
%%
BIG Blue ... Yesterday's technology at tomorrow's prices!
%%
Big book, big bore.
 -- Callimachus
%%
Big Bright green PLEASURE MACHINE
%%
Big Brother is hallucinating.
 -- Elizabeth D Zwicky (zwicky@cis.ohio-state.edu), title of a comp.risks
article
%%
Big Brother is Watching You!
 -- George Orwell
%%
Big cats can kill you!
%%
Big donkeys, small donkeys, all good to eat.
%%
Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space
 -- Diana Black
%%
:big-endian: [From Swift's "Gulliver's Travels" via the famous
   paper "On Holy Wars and a Plea for Peace" by Danny Cohen,
   USC/ISI IEN 137, dated April 1, 1980] adj. 1. Describes a computer
   architecture in which, within a given multi-byte numeric
   representation, the most significant byte has the lowest address
   (the word is stored `big-end-first').  Most processors,
   including the IBM 370 family, the {PDP-10}, the Motorola
   microprocessor families, and most of the various RISC designs
   current in mid-1993, are big-endian.  See {little-endian},
   {middle-endian}, {NUXI problem}, {swab}.  2. An
   {{Internet address}} the wrong way round.  Most of the world
   follows the Internet standard and writes email addresses starting
   with the name of the computer and ending up with the name of the
   country.  In the U.K.  the Joint Networking Team had decided to do
   it the other way round before the Internet domain standard was
   established; e.g., me@uk.ac.wigan.cs.  Most gateway sites have
   {ad-hockery} in their mailers to handle this, but can still be
   confused.  In particular, the address above could be in the
   U.K. (domain uk) or Czechoslovakia (domain cs).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Big-endians and small-endians.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Gulliver's Travels, Part i, Chap. iv, Voyage to Lilliput
%%
Big Fart!: Hugh Jass
%%
Bigfoot Boogies On Down
%%
Bigfoot Goes High Society
%%
Bigfoot Makes the Valhalla Scene
%%
Bigfoot Puts on the Dog
%%
Bigfoots With Dirty Faces
%%
Bigger and faster is better.
%%
Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
%%
:Big Gray Wall: n. What faces a {VMS} user searching for
   documentation.  A full VMS kit comes on a pallet, the documentation
   taking up around 15 feet of shelf space before the addition of
   layered products such as compilers, databases, multivendor
   networking, and programming tools.  Recent (since VMS version 5)
   DEC documentation comes with gray binders; under VMS version 4 the
   binders were orange (`big orange wall'), and under version 3 they
   were blue.  See {VMS}.  Often contracted to `Gray Wall'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BIg Ideas + Limited Knowledge = Lots and Lots of 'test' Renders :-)
%%
:big iron: n. Large, expensive, ultra-fast computers.  Used generally
   of {number-crunching} supercomputers such as Crays, but can include
   more conventional big commercial IBMish mainframes.  Term of
   approval; compare {heavy metal}, oppose {dinosaur}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Big is beautiful, big is accomodating.
%%
Big M, Little M, many mumbling mice
Are making midnight music in the moonlight,
Mighty nice!
%%
Big nostrils? Look at your finger size!
%%
Big on NATURAL foods?  80% of people die of NATURAL causes!
%%
Big or small, We tax them all.
%%
Bigot agenda: (a)blacks (b)gays (c)jews (d)anyone who isnt like me.
%%
Bigot? Fundamentalist? Love guns?  The Republicans want YOU!
%%
:bigot: n. A person who is religiously attached to a particular
   computer, language, operating system, editor, or other tool (see
   {religious issues}).  Usually found with a specifier; thus,
   `cray bigot', `ITS bigot', `APL bigot', `VMS bigot',
   `Berkeley bigot'.  Real bigots can be distinguished from mere
   partisans or zealots by the fact that they refuse to learn
   alternatives even when the march of time and/or technology is
   threatening to obsolete the favored tool.  It is truly said "You
   can tell a bigot, but you can't tell him much."  Compare
   {weenie}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that
 you do not entertain.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bigot?  Racist?  Fundamentalist?  Redneck?  The Republicans want YOU!
%%
Bigotry and hatred are _NOT_ "family values."
%%
Bigotry dwarfs the soul by shutting out the truth.
 -- Edwin Hubbel Chapin
%%
Bigotry is hard to remove from a person. It wasn't reasoned in and it can't be
reasoned out.
%%
Bigotry murders religion to frighten fools with her ghost.
 -- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
Big people are those who make us feel bigger when we are with them.
%%
:Big Red Switch: [IBM] n. The power switch on a computer, esp. the
   `Emergency Pull' switch on an IBM {mainframe} or the power switch
   on an IBM PC where it really is large and red.  "This !@%$%
   {bitty box} is hung again; time to hit the Big Red Switch."
   Sources at IBM report that, in tune with the company's passion for
   {TLA}s, this is often abbreviated as `BRS' (this has also
   become established on FidoNet and in the PC {clone} world).  It
   is alleged that the emergency pull switch on an IBM 360/91 actually
   fired a non-conducting bolt into the main power feed; the BRSes on
   more recent mainframes physically drop a block into place so that
   they can't be pushed back in.  People get fired for pulling them,
   especially inappropriately (see also {molly-guard}).  Compare
   {power cycle}, {three-finger salute}, {120 reset}; see
   also {scram switch}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Big Room, the: n. The extremely large room with the blue ceiling
   and intensely bright light (during the day) or black ceiling with
   lots of tiny night-lights (during the night) found outside all
   computer installations.  "He can't come to the phone right now,
   he's somewhere out in the Big Room."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Big things come in .QWK packages.
%%
:big win: n. Serendipity.  "Yes, those two physicists discovered
   high-temperature superconductivity in a batch of ceramic that had
   been prepared incorrectly according to their experimental schedule.
   Small mistake; big win!" See {win big}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
B'Ijik: "Greetings, Captain.  I regret to inform you that Gowron and the High
  Council are quite busy and won't be able to speak with you today."
Picard: "Is Gowron aware that we have been transmitting messages for the past
  three days?"
B'Ijik: "Captain, Gowron wishes that it were possible to talk with everyone who
  wants an audience, but he is only one man.  The demands on his time are
  formidable.  If you would like me to take him a message--"
Picard: "'A message'?!"
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Bike or Die...!
%%
Biker Nuns From Hell - on the next Geraldo!
%%
Bikes Not Bombs
%%
Bikini: Public Waist.
%%
Bilbo found that goblins hate sand, and that zombies could not see him.
%%
Bill and Al's Bogus Adventure begins!
%%
Bill and Al: The Stepford Husbands.
%%
Bill and Ted meet Wayne and Garth... EXCELLENT!  NOT!
%%
Bill and Ted's excellent adventure happened in Florida.
%%
Bill Clinton against unemployment.
 And next week : how to bolt strawberry jam to your ceiling...
%%
Bill Clinton: All Talk.  All Tax.  All Spend.
%%
Bill Clinton: America's leading truthphobe!
%%
Bill Clinton dodged the draft?  Big deal.  So did Pat Buchanan.
%%
Bill Clinton Doesn't Inhale - He Sucks.
%%
Bill Clinton: Fool?  Coward?  Liar?  President?
%%
Bill Clinton has turned the White House into the Waffle House.
%%
Bill Clinton: He's not dishonest, he's just morally different.
%%
Bill Clinton: He's not "Slick".  He's just a damn liar!
%%
Bill Clinton is a closet ditto-head!
%%
Bill Clinton *must* be a Statistics Expert.
%%
Bill Clinton never inhaled.  Jerry Brown never exhaled.
%%
Bill Clinton: Pathological liar?
%%
Bill Clinton's favorite breakfast?  Waffles.
%%
Bill Clinton stars in Taxula.  Premiered Jan. 20, 1993!
%%
Bill Clinton's tax-and-spend policies will create a recession in America.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle in New Jersey, 10/19/92.
 -- He did not go on to distinguish between the predicted
 -- Clinton recession and the current Bush recession.
 -- (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer, 10/20/92)
%%
Bill Clinton suffers from delusions of competence.
%%
Bill Clinton Tax Form: 1) Amount earned $_______. 2) Send it in.
%%
Bill Clinton: The Dan Quayle of Presidents
%%
Bill Clinton: The Democrat's idea of a practical joke!
%%
Bill Clinton: The Eddie Haskel of politics.
%%
Bill Clinton: The EDLIN of Presidents.
%%
Bill Clinton: The Milli Vanilli of presidents
%%
Bill Clinton: The Republican's greatest campaign asset.
%%
Bill Clinton: The Rodney Dangerfield of presidents.
%%
Bill Clinton: Two presidents for the price of one.
%%
Bill Clinton: Unwilling to serve - Unfit to lead
%%
Bill Clinton wants to tax my *what*?
%%
"Bill Cosby, huh?"
  "If you play your cards right..."
 -- David Addison, baby, from MOONLIGHTING
%%
Bill D. Cat of Borg: You will be Ack!Thbbpt!imilated!
%%
"Bill Dickey is learning me his experience."
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Bill Gates, have 'em write _real_ code...
%%
Bill Gates is a closet OS/2 user.
%%
Bill Gates made $6.3 Billion selling us MS-DOS?
%%
Bill Gates says no matter how much more power we can supply, he'll develop
 some really exciting software that will bring the machine to its knees.
 -- Intel VP David House, In _EE_Times_, 16 October 1989
%%
Bill Gates: Thomas Edison of computers, & just as crooked.
%%
Billie-Jean King's father put her into tennis to stop her
 being a women wrestler.
%%
BILLINGSGATE, n.  The invective of an opponent.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Billions and billions served (and lived).
%%
Bill of Rights? The Bill of WRONGS is in the White House!
%%
Bill of Rights: Void where prohibited by LIBERALS.
%%
Bill Paley just walked into my dressing room with two bottles of champagne
 and opened them up and said, "Let's have a drink. Bottoms up." And I said
 to him, "Isn't that an awkward position?"
 -- Gracie Allen
%%
Bill Posters Will be Prosecuted Vigorously!
Under the sign, someone wrote:
Bill Posters is innocent and lives in another state!
 -- Sign on Public Wall
%%
"`BILLSBY SLASHES FOUR, DIES IN COCAINE BRAWL'"
"That's the front page, Mrs. Billsby."
 -- "Bloom County"
%%
Bills travel thru the mail at twice the speed of cheques
%%
Bill the Cat fan club
%%
Bill who?
%%
Billy:        Mom, you know that vase you said was handed down from
   generation to generation?
Mom:     Yes?
Billy:              Well, this generation dropped it.
%%
Bimbastard: Child of a bimbo.
%%
Bimbino: A baby bimbo.
%%
Bimblur: Vision created by blonde in a red sports car on the freeway.
%%
Bimbob: A bimbo's boyfriend.
%%
Bimbooboo:  Mistake made by a bimbo.
%%
Bimboy: A male homosexual bimbo.
%%
Bi Montana cowboy - one who likes cows as well as sheep
%%
Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
%%
binding: discomfort caused by tight undergarments.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise,
and you'll be Gary, Indiana.
 -- Jessie in the movie "Greaser's Palace"
%%
Bink:   Bink to enlightenment.  Have arrived on the derelict.  Confirmed
        initial speculation there is absolutely nothing of any value or
        interest here.  It's a field class two ship-to-surface vessle.
        The very model, in fact, that was withdrawn due to major flight
        design flaws.  Crew: three.  One series four thousand mechanoid,
        almost burnt out.  Give it maybe three years.  Nothing of
        salvagable value.  Ah, felis sapiens, bred from the domestic house
        cat, and about half as smart.  Uh, no value in future study of
        this species.  What have we here?  A human being, or a very close
        approximation.  Chronological age: mid twenties.  Physical age:
        forty-seven.  Slightly overweight, unnecissarily ugly.  Otherwise
        would reccomend it for the museum.  Apart from that there is no
        value or interest.
%%
Binkley without mail is like a scooter without wheels!
%%
#!/bin/sh
echo '16i[q]sa[ln0=aln100%Pln100/snlbx]sbA0D3F204445524F42snlbxq'|dc;exit
%%
Biochemistry expands so as to fill the space and time available for
its completion and publication.
 -- R. T. Hersh
%%
Biochemists wear designer genes.
%%
Biochemists Wear Designer GreenGenes.
%%
Bioengineers wear designer genes.
%%
BIO-GENETIX ENGINEERING LABS: "Playing God so you don't have to."
%%
Biography lends to death a new terror.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Biography: One of the terrors of death.
%%
Biography should be written by an acute enemy.
%%
Biological Science: A contradiction in terms.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Biologists do it with clones.
%%
 BIOLOGY:  Create life.  Estimate the difference in subsequent
 human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million
 years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the
 English parliamentary system.  Prove your thesis.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Biology grows on you.
%%
Biology is the only science in which multiplication
 means the same thing as division.
%%
Bion insisted on the principle that "The property of friends is common."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Bion, ix
%%
Bion used to say that the way to the shades below was easy; he could
go there with his eyes shut.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Bion, iii
%%
Bios City, where Fatman leaves his mark!
%%
Biotechnology is changing our world.
%%
Bipolar, adj.: Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and
Buffalo, New
York
%%
BIR: Branch Inside Ranch
%%
Birdie, birdie, in the sky,
Why'd you do that in my eye?
I won't fret, and I won't cry.
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
%%
Birdmodem: ZRCHRP Received. Sending SEEDS.LZH
%%
Bird owners have a cheep on their shoulder!
%%
Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues.
%%
Birds : creatures that pick up worms.
%%
Birds do it, bees do it, even chimpanzees do it.
%%
Birds have the right of way on Utah state highways.
%%
Birds in their little nests agree;
  And 't is a shameful sight
When children of one family
  Fall out, and chide, and fight.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song xvii
%%
Birds of a feather will gather together.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 1, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
Birds of prey know they're cool.
 -- Gary Larson, The Far Side
%%
Birds smell bad and people who count birds smell even worse!
%%
BIRM: Branch on Index Register Missing
%%
Birra, [It.]: Beer.
%%
Birth-control pills are habit forming.
%%
Birth, copulation and death.
That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks;
Birth, copulation and death.
 -- T. S. Elliot, Sweeney Agonistes (1932)
%%
Birthday Cheesecake Jellybean Boom!
%%
Birthday parties always end in tears.
Enough is never enough.
The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window.
Whenever you decide to take the kids home, it is always five
minutes earlier that they break into fights, tears, hysteria.
 -- Rules of Parenthood
 -- Phyllis C. Richman
%%
Birthday parties always end in tears.
 -- Rule of Parenthood
 -- Phyllis C. Richman
%%
Birthdays are healthy, those who have more of them live longer.
%%
Birthdays are significant.  Without them you're dead.
%%
Birth is nothing where virtue is not.
 -- Moliere
%%
Birth is pain,
Death is pain,
Beauty is pain.
 -- The Final Conflict
%%
Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
BIRTH, n.  The first and direst of all disasters.  As to the nature of
it there appears to be no uniformity.  Castor and Pollux were born
from the egg.  Pallas came out of a skull.  Galatea was once a block
of stone.  Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he
grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water.  It
is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a
stroke of lightning.  Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount
Aetna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Birth, school, work, death.  About sums it up, I think.
%%
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Bisexual, Proud, and Queer of it.
%%
Bi-sexual vampire needs tongue lashing...apply here.
%%
< Bishop says "I'm afraid I have some bad news." >
"Well that's a switch."
 -- Hudson, "Aliens"
%%
Bistromathics is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior
of numbers.  Just as Einstein observed that space was not an absolute, but
depended on the observer's movement in space, and that time was not an
absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is now
realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement
in restaurants.
%%
Bit: A word used to describe computers, as
 in 'Our son's computer cost quite a bit.'
%%
:bit bang: n. Transmission of data on a serial line, when
   accomplished by rapidly tweaking a single output bit, in software,
   at the appropriate times.  The technique is a simple loop with
   eight OUT and SHIFT instruction pairs for each byte.  Input is more
   interesting.  And full duplex (doing input and output at the same
   time) is one way to separate the real hackers from the
   {wannabee}s.

   Bit bang was used on certain early models of Prime computers,
   presumably when UARTs were too expensive, and on archaic Z80 micros
   with a Zilog PIO but no SIO.  In an interesting instance of the
   {cycle of reincarnation}, this technique is now (1991) coming
   back into use on some RISC architectures because it consumes such
   an infinitesimal part of the processor that it actually makes sense
   not to have a UART.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bit bashing: n. (alt. `bit diddling' or {bit twiddling}) Term
   used to describe any of several kinds of low-level programming
   characterized by manipulation of {bit}, {flag}, {nybble},
   and other smaller-than-character-sized pieces of data; these
   include low-level device control, encryption algorithms, checksum
   and error-correcting codes, hash functions, some flavors of
   graphics programming (see {bitblt}), and assembler/compiler code
   generation.  May connote either tedium or a real technical
   challenge (more usually the former).  "The command decoding for
   the new tape driver looks pretty solid but the bit-bashing for the
   control registers still has bugs."  See also {bit bang},
   {mode bit}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bitblt: /bit'blit/ n. [from {BLT}, q.v.] 1. Any of a family
   of closely related algorithms for moving and copying rectangles of
   bits between main and display memory on a bit-mapped device, or
   between two areas of either main or display memory (the requirement
   to do the {Right Thing} in the case of overlapping source and
   destination rectangles is what makes BitBlt tricky).  2. Synonym
   for {blit} or {BLT}.  Both uses are borderline techspeak.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BITCHENAID - It's like the best mixer, dude.
%%
BITCHENAID - It's like totally the best dishwasher, dude.
%%
:bit decay: n. See {bit rot}.  People with a physics background
   tend to prefer this variant for the analogy with particle decay.  See
   also {computron}, {quantum bogodynamics}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bit Decay!? YoU say you have Bi+ Decay!
%%
Bite but keep your backs against the wall.
%%
Bite here. Then turn and examine.
%%
Bite me, it's fun.
%%
Bite off, dirtball.
 -- Richard Sexton, richard@gryphon.COM
%%
Bite off one chicken head and they never let you forget
%%
Bites on dried gristly meat.
Receives metal arrows.
It furthers one to be mindful of difficulties
And to be persevering.
Good fortune.
%%
Bites on dried lean meat.
Receives yellow gold.
Perseveringly aware of danger.
No blame.
%%
Bites on old dried meat
And strikes on something poisonous.
Slight humiliation. No blame.
%%
Bites through tender meat,
So that his nose disappears.
No blame.
%%
Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough.
 -- Cat Rule #2
%%
Biting Through has success.
It is favorable to let justice be administered.
%%
:BITNET: /bit'net/ [acronym: Because It's Time NETwork] n.
   Everybody's least favorite piece of the network (see {network,
   the}).  The BITNET hosts are a collection of IBM dinosaurs and
   VAXen (the latter with lobotomized comm hardware) that communicate
   using 80-character {{EBCDIC}} card images (see {eighty-column
   mind}); thus, they tend to mangle the headers and text of
   third-party traffic from the rest of the ASCII/{RFC}-822 world with
   annoying regularity.  BITNET is also notorious as the apparent home
   of {BIFF}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bit, n. The quantum of misinformation.
%%
BIT: Past tense of BYTE.
%%
Bit rate  - how often you are bitten
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
:bit rot: n. Also {bit decay}.  Hypothetical disease the existence
   of which has been deduced from the observation that unused programs
   or features will often stop working after sufficient time has
   passed, even if `nothing has changed'.  The theory explains that
   bits decay as if they were radioactive.  As time passes, the
   contents of a file or the code in a program will become
   increasingly garbled.

   There actually are physical processes that produce such effects
   (alpha particles generated by trace radionuclides in ceramic chip
   packages, for example, can change the contents of a computer memory
   unpredictably, and various kinds of subtle media failures can
   corrupt files in mass storage), but they are quite rare (and
   computers are built with error-detecting circuitry to compensate
   for them).  The notion long favored among hackers that cosmic
   rays are among the causes of such events turns out to be a myth;
   see the {cosmic rays} entry for details.

   The term {software rot} is almost synonymous.  Software rot is
   the effect, bit rot the notional cause.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bits, Bytes, Bauds ...Can't live With, or Without!
%%
Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on!
%%
:bits: n.pl. 1. Information.  Examples: "I need some bits about file
   formats."  ("I need to know about file formats.")  Compare {core
   dump}, sense 4.  2. Machine-readable representation of a document,
   specifically as contrasted with paper:  "I have only a photocopy
   of the Jargon File; does anyone know where I can get the bits?".
   See {softcopy}, {source of all good bits} See also {bit}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bitter pills may have sweet effects.
 -- Proverb
%%
Bit:
The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Bit - twelve and a half cents
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
:bit twiddling: n. 1. (pejorative) An exercise in tuning (see
   {tune}) in which incredible amounts of time and effort go to
   produce little noticeable improvement, often with the result that
   the code becomes incomprehensible.  2. Aimless small
   modification to a program, esp. for some pointless goal.
   3. Approx. syn. for {bit bashing}; esp. used for the act of
   frobbing the device control register of a peripheral in an attempt
   to get it back to a known state.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bitty box: /bit'ee boks/ n. 1. A computer sufficiently small,
   primitive, or incapable as to cause a hacker acute claustrophobia
   at the thought of developing software on or for it.  Especially
   used of small, obsolescent, single-tasking-only personal machines
   such as the Atari 800, Osborne, Sinclair, VIC-20, TRS-80, or
   IBM PC.  2. [Pejorative] More generally, the opposite of `real
   computer' (see {Get a real computer!}).  See also {mess-dos},
   {toaster}, and {toy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bit: Unit by which programmers lose their sanity.
%%
:bixie: /bik'see/ n. Variant {emoticon}s used on BIX (the Byte
   Information eXchange).  The {smiley} bixie is <@_@>, apparently
   intending to represent two cartoon eyes and a mouth.  A few others
   have been reported.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
%%
Bizoos, n.:
   The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a
basketball.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
Bl00p!  The M00se Illuminati strike!
%%
Blackadder, what are you saying? What of loyalty? Honour? Self-respect?
What of them?
...Nothing.
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Chains
%%
Blackadder! What time is it?
Three o'clock in the afternoon, your Highness.
Oh, thank God for that. I thought I'd overslept.
 -- George and Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
:black art: n. A collection of arcane, unpublished, and (by
   implication) mostly ad-hoc techniques developed for a particular
   application or systems area (compare {black magic}).  VLSI design
   and compiler code optimization were (in their beginnings)
   considered classic examples of black art; as theory developed they
   became {deep magic}, and once standard textbooks had been written,
   became merely {heavy wizardry}.  The huge proliferation of formal
   and informal channels for spreading around new computer-related
   technologies during the last twenty years has made both the term
   `black art' and what it describes less common than formerly.  See
   also {voodoo programming}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blackberries are red when they are green. Ever notice?
%%
Black clothes: Ideal tool for removing cat hair from furniture.
%%
Black Dens:
 Where Black Holes live; often unheated warehouses with Day'Glo
spray painting, mutilated mannequins, Elvis references, dozens of
overflowing ashtrays, broken mirror sculptures, and Velvet Underground
music playing in the background.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
BLACKGUARD, n.  A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box
of berries in a market -- the fine ones on top -- have been opened on
the wrong side.  An inverted gentleman.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:black hole: n. What a piece of email or netnews has fallen into if
   it disappears mysteriously between its origin and destination sites
   (that is, without returning a {bounce message}).  "I think
   there's a black hole at foovax!" conveys suspicion that site
   foovax has been dropping a lot of stuff on the floor lately
   (see {drop on the floor}).  The implied metaphor of email as
   interstellar travel is interesting in itself.  Compare {bit
   bucket}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Black Holes:
 An X Generation subgroup best known for their possession of
almost entirely black wardrobes.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Black Holes are Out of Sight.
%%
Black holes are where God forgot to cancel the infinities
%%
Black holes resulted when MS tried to beat a deadline!
%%
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
%%
Black holes suck!
%%
Black holes: XRW, CLOUT, R:TOOLS, R:MACROS, R:Documenter
%%
Black hole: The "subway" of the universe......
%%
Black is a pearl in a woman's eye.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- An Humorous Day's Mirth
%%
BLACK KNIGHT:  Come on you pansy!
    [hah] [parry thrust]
    [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]
ARTHUR:        Victory is mine!  [kneeling]
               We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-
    [Black Knight kicks Arthur in the head while he is praying]
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!
ARTHUR:       You're a looney.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BLACK KNIGHT:  I move for no man.
ARTHUR:        So be it!
    [hah] [parry thrust]
    [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]
ARTHUR:        Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
BLACK KNIGHT:  'Tis but a scratch.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you!
   ARTHUR takes his last leg off.  The BLACK KNIGHT's body lands upright.
BLACK KNIGHT: All right, we'll call it a draw.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Black Light.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
:black magic: n. A technique that works, though nobody really
   understands why.  More obscure than {voodoo programming}, which
   may be done by cookbook.  Compare also {black art}, {deep
   magic}, and {magic number} (sense 2).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Black music is in, Black culture is in, but Black *people*   will never be in."
 -- Kyle Baker, Why I Hate Saturn
%%
Blackouts are Not unscheduled midweek vacations.
%%
Black spirits and white, red spirits and gray,
Mingle, mingle, mingle, you that mingle may.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Witch, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Blah.
%%
Blah, blah, blah...
%%
Blah Blah Blah, Blah Blah, Blah, Blah Blah, Blah..
%%
Blaising along at Turbo speed...
%%
Blake is an idealist; he cannot allow himself to think...
 -- Avon
%%
Blake will return....
 -- Cally
You can bet your life on it. In fact, you've just bet both
our lives on it....
 -- Avon
%%
Blake would've been proud of you, you know....
 -- Vila
I know, but then he never was very bright....
 -- Avon
%%
"BLAM! BLAM! POW! POW!"
  "What's going on, Dad?"
"I'm defending our home from foreign invaders, son."
 -- Doonesbury
%%
Blame it on Carter and Clinton.
 -- Conservative Rule #7
%%
Blame Saint Andreas - it's all his fault.
%%
Blame someone else and get on with your life.
 -- Alan Woods
%%
Blame your maker or blame yourself, but don't blame me!
%%
Blaming others can become a satisfying way of life.
%%
Blaming society makes it awfully easy for a person of weak character
to shrug off his own responsibility for his actions.
 -- Stanley Schmidt
%%
Blandishments will not fascinate us, nor will threats of a "halter"
intimidate. For, under God, we are determined that wheresoever, whensoever,
or howsoever we shall be called to make our exit, we will die free
men.
 -- Josiah Quincy, Jr (1744-1775)
 -- Observations on the Boston Port Bill, 1774
%%
Blank paper is God's way of saying it's not so easy to be God.
%%
Blank scrolls make more interesting reading.
%%
BLANK-VERSE, n.  Unrhymed iambic pentameters -- the most difficult
kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much
affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:blargh: /blarg/ [MIT] n. The opposite of {ping}, sense 5; an
   exclamation indicating that one has absorbed or is emitting a
   quantum of unhappiness.  Less common than {ping}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:blast: 1. vt.,n. Synonym for {BLT}, used esp. for large data
   sends over a network or comm line.  Opposite of {snarf}.  Usage:
   uncommon.  The variant `blat' has been reported.  2. vt.
   [HP/Apollo] Synonymous with {nuke} (sense 3).  Sometimes the
   message `Unable to kill all processes.  Blast them (y/n)?' would
   appear in the command window upon logout.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blasted TARDIS is on the fritz again!
%%
Blasting requires dynamite.
%%
Blast medicine anyway!  We've learned to tie into every organ in the
  human body but one.  The brain!  The brain is what life is all about.
 -- McCoy, "The Menagerie," stardate 3012.4.
%%
Blaze: unexpected result of overpriming a white gas stove.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
BLC: Branch and Loop Continuous
%%
..  bleakness....  desolation....  plastic forks...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Bleeding Ponytail:
 An elderly sold-out baby boomer who pines for hippie or
pre-sellout days.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Bleem miserable venchit, Bleem forever mestinglish asunder frapt.
gashee morphosite thou expungiest quopisk.
fripping lyshus wimbgunts awilst moongrovenly kormzibs
Gerond withoutitude form into formless bloit, why not then? moose.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the Earth.
%%
Blessed are the cross-eyed, for they shall see God twice.
%%
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
%%
Blessed are the forgetful:  for they get the better even of their blunders.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Blessed are the Greeks.
%%
Blessed are the hard of hearing, since this allows them to miss most of the
 small talk.
%%
Blessed are the inept, for they will inherit the skies.
%%
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.
%%
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inhibit the Earth.
%%
Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called the children of God.
 -- Matthew 5:9
%%
Blessed are the pessimists, for they hath made backups.
%%
Blessed are the ugly and determined, for they acquire
the wealth to command the handsome and clever
%%
Blessed are they have have nothing to say and can not be persuaded with any
 known prize, to say it.
%%
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit
 the national debt.
 -- Herbert Hoover
%%
Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
%%
Blessed be those who initiate lively discussions with the hopelessly mute
for they shall be known as dentists.
%%
Blessed is he that considereth the poor.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xli, 1
%%
Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be
disappointed.
 -- W. C. Bennett
%%
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Letter to Gay, Oct, 6, 1727
%%
Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it,
for he shall enjoy living.
 -- W. C. Bennett
%%
Blessed is that individual who, having nothing on his mind, decides not to
 share this vast state of wordy nothingness with us in a public display.
%%
Blessed is the healthy nature; it is the coherent, sweetly co-operative,
not incoherent, self-distracting, self-destructive one!
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Sir Walter Scott, London and Westminster Review, 1838
%%
Blessed is the man that endureth temptation; for when he is tried,
he shall receive the crown of life.
 -- New Testament
 -- James i, 12
%%
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving
in words evidence of the fact.
 -- George Eliot (1819-1880)
 -- Impressions on Theophrastus Such (1879)
%%
Blessed is the match consumed by kindling flame.
 -- Hannah Sennesh
%%
Blessed is the one whom mosquitoes themselves decide to avoid.
%%
Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and
too sleepy to worry at night.
%%
Blessed Me.
 -- a jibe at Jeff Hull
%%
Blessed shall be thy basket and thy store.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Deuteronomy xxviii, 5
%%
Blesses his stars and thinks it luxury.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Blessings never come in pairs; misfortunes never come alone.
%%
Bless me father for I have SIMMed.
%%
Bless My Good Intentions ...
%%
Bless my Mommy, Daddy, Kitty, Bob Dole and Rush Limbaugh.
%%
Bless thee, Bottom! bless thee! thou art translated.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Bless the hand that gave the blow.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Spanish Friar, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Blest paper-credit! last and best supply!
That lends corruption lighter wings to fly.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 39
%%
:bletch: /blech/ [from Yiddish/German `brechen', to vomit, poss.
   via comic-strip exclamation `blech'] interj.  Term of disgust.
   Often used in "Ugh, bletch".  Compare {barf}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bletcherous: /blech'*-r*s/ adj. Disgusting in design or
   function; esthetically unappealing.  This word is seldom used of
   people.  "This keyboard is bletcherous!" (Perhaps the keys don't
   work very well, or are misplaced.)  See {losing},
   {cretinous}, {bagbiting}, {bogus}, and {random}.  The
   term {bletcherous} applies to the esthetics of the thing so
   described; similarly for {cretinous}.  By contrast, something
   that is `losing' or `bagbiting' may be failing to meet
   objective criteria.  See also {bogus} and {random}, which
   have richer and wider shades of meaning than any of the
   above.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blew his O-rings.
%%
Blew the hatch before the lock sealed.
%%
BLI: Branch and Loop Infinite
%%
BLIND.BAT was written for some of the people I work with!
%%
Blind? Eat a carrot!
%%
Blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxiii, 24
%%
Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies.
 -- David Nichols
%%
Blind Spot:  What Dick and Jane did to be cruel...
%%
Bliss in possession will not last;
Remembered joys are never past;
At once the fountain, stream, and sea,
They were, they are, they yet shall be.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Little Cloud
%%
Bliss *IS* ignorance.
%%
:blit: /blit/ vt. 1. To copy a large array of bits from one part
   of a computer's memory to another part, particularly when the
   memory is being used to determine what is shown on a display
   screen.  "The storage allocator picks through the table and copies
   the good parts up into high memory, and then blits it all back down
   again."  See {bitblt}, {BLT}, {dd}, {cat}, {blast},
   {snarf}.  More generally, to perform some operation (such as
   toggling) on a large array of bits while moving them.  2. Sometimes
   all-capitalized as `BLIT': an early experimental bit-mapped
   terminal designed by Rob Pike at Bell Labs, later commercialized as
   the AT&T 5620.  (The folk etymology from `Bell Labs Intelligent
   Terminal' is incorrect.  Its creators liked to claim that "Blit"
   stood for the Bacon, Lettuce, and Interactive Tomato.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:blitter: /blit'r/ n. A special-purpose chip or hardware system
   built to perform {blit} operations, esp. used for fast
   implementation of bit-mapped graphics.  The Commodore Amiga and a
   few other micros have these, but in 1991 the trend is away from
   them (however, see {cycle of reincarnation}).  Syn. {raster
   blaster}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blitzkrieg players do it in five minutes.
%%
:blivet: /bliv'*t/ [allegedly from a World War II military term
   meaning "ten pounds of manure in a five-pound bag"] n. 1. An
   intractable problem.  2. A crucial piece of hardware that can't be
   fixed or replaced if it breaks.  3. A tool that has been hacked
   over by so many incompetent programmers that it has become an
   unmaintainable tissue of hacks.  4. An out-of-control but
   unkillable development effort.  5. An embarrassing bug that pops up
   during a customer demo.  6. In the subjargon of computer security
   specialists, a denial-of-service attack performed by hogging
   limited resources that have no access controls (for example, shared
   spool space on a multi-user system).

   This term has other meanings in other technical cultures; among
   experimental physicists and hardware engineers of various kinds it
   seems to mean any random object of unknown purpose (similar to
   hackish use of {frob}).  It has also been used to describe an
   amusing trick-the-eye drawing resembling a three-pronged fork that
   appears to depict a three-dimensional object until one realizes
   that the parts fit together in an impossible way.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
blkdev devtab IO err in swap
%%
BLM: Branch, Like, Maybe
%%
BLMWM: Branch, Like, Maybe, Wow, Man
%%
:BLOB: [acronym, Binary Large OBject] n. Used by database people to
   refer to any random large block of bits that needs to be stored in
   a database, such as a picture or sound file.  The essential point
   about a BLOB is that it's an object that cannot be interpreted
   within the database itself.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blobs are a lazy mans bezier patch.
%%
Blockade?? What blockade??!
%%
Blocked one too many hockey pucks / soccer balls / punches
%%
:block: [from process scheduling terminology in OS theory] 1. vi.
   To delay or sit idle while waiting for something.  "We're blocking
   until everyone gets here."  Compare {busy-wait}.  2. `block
   on' vt. To block, waiting for (something).  "Lunch is blocked on
   Phil's arrival."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Block Parity       : One heck of a good time.
%%
:block transfer computations: [from the television series
   "Dr. Who"] n. Computations so fiendishly subtle and complex
   that they could not be performed by machines.  Used to refer to any
   task that should be expressible as an algorithm in theory, but
   isn't.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Bloggs Family, the: n.  An imaginary family consisting of Fred and
   Mary Bloggs and their children.  Used as a standard example in
   knowledge representation to show the difference between extensional
   and intensional objects.  For example, every occurrence of "Fred
   Bloggs" is the same unique person, whereas occurrences of
   "person" may refer to different people.  Members of the Bloggs
   family have been known to pop up in bizarre places such as the DEC
   Telephone Directory.  Compare {Mbogo, Dr. Fred}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blonde: Dumb sh*t happens.
%%
Blonde jokes are one-liners so men can understand them.
%%
Blonde Klingons: Because it was a good day to dye!
%%
Blondes and Beer bottles: both empty from the neck up.
%%
Blondes AND women AND nurses can be sysops, too!
%%
Blondes do it with a thermos.
%%
Blondes: Legal Handicapped Parking Permits
%%
Blonde's prefer Hard Disks over floppy ones!
%%
Blondes rule the earth, or at least earth's politicians.
%%
BLONDES.ZIP: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses!
%%
BlondeWare - Better than the Head Start program
%%
Blood alone moves the wheels of history.
 -- Benito Mussolini (1883-1945)
%%
Blood and death are waiting like a raven in the sky...
%%
Blood and Guts.
%%
BLOOD
  Blood is a substance which runs around and around your body. It
  ensures that you know when you've cut yourself, because suddenly
  whatever has a cut goes red. Certain members of the human race
  actually have blue blood. This means they are bloodsucking leeches.
  One for the small r republicans there.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
 -- an actual excerpt from student science exam papers
%%
Blood in the Saddle - By the Kotex Kid.
%%
Blood is a cleansing and sanctifying thing, and the nation that regards
it as the final horror has lost its manhood ... there are many things
more horrible than bloodshed, and slavery is one of them.
 -- Padraic Pearse
%%
Blood is thicker than water.  Tastier and more nutritious too.
%%
Blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church.
 -- Tertullian (160-240 AD)
 -- Apologeticus, c. 50
%%
Blood on the Hurdle - By Wun Hung Low.
%%
Blood's thicker than water; and it tastes better too!
%%
Blood: substance commonly used to mark a climbing route.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Blood will tell, but it often tells too much.
 -- Don Marquis (1878-1937)
%%
Bloody Cardassians -- I just got this damn thing fixed.
%%
Bloody explorers ponce off to mumbo-jumbo land...come back with a
  tropical disease, a suntan, and a bag of brown lumpy things...Bob's
  your uncle everyone's got a picture of them in the toilet.
 -- Edmund : Potato
%%
Blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Evangeline, Part i
%%
Blot out vain pomp; check impulse; quench appetite; keep reason under
its own control.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 7
%%
:blow an EPROM: /bloh *n ee'prom/ v. (alt. `blast an EPROM',
   `burn an EPROM') To program a read-only memory, e.g. for use
   with an embedded system.  This term arose because the programming
   process for the Programmable Read-Only Memories (PROMs) that
   preceded present-day Erasable Programmable Read-Only Memories
   (EPROMs) involved intentionally blowing tiny electrical fuses on
   the chip.  The usage lives on (it's too vivid and expressive to
   discard) even though the write process on EPROMs is
   nondestructive.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:blow away: vt. To remove (files and directories) from permanent
   storage, generally by accident.  "He reformatted the wrong
   partition and blew away last night's netnews."  Oppose {nuke}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blow, blow, thou winter wind!
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
Blow it out your comm port!
%%
Blow me a little kiss, will ya, huh?
%%
Blow - opposite of Buv.
%%
:blow out: [prob. from mining and tunneling jargon] vi. Of
   software, to fail spectacularly; almost as serious as {crash and
   burn}.  See {blow past}, {blow up}, {die
   horribly}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blowout!: Vlad Tire
%%
:blow past: vt. To {blow out} despite a safeguard.  "The server blew
   past the 5K reserve buffer."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:blow up: vi. 1. [scientific computation] To become unstable.  Suggests
   that the computation is diverging so rapidly that it will soon
   overflow or at least go {nonlinear}.  2.  Syn. {blow out}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blow up your vehicle. It's really fun to watch.
%%
Blow, wind! come, wrack!
At least we 'll die with harness on our back.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Blow ye winds / Like the trumpet blows; / But without that noise.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Blow your mind - smoke gunpowder.
%%
BLP: Boot from Line Printer
%%
BLR: Branch and Lose Return
%%
:BLT: /B-L-T/, /bl*t/ or (rarely) /belt/ n.,vt. Synonym for
   {blit}.  This is the original form of {blit} and the ancestor
   of {bitblt}.  It referred to any large bit-field copy or move
   operation (one resource-intensive memory-shuffling operation done
   on pre-paged versions of ITS, WAITS, and TOPS-10 was sardonically
   referred to as `The Big BLT').  The jargon usage has outlasted the
   {PDP-10} BLock Transfer instruction from which {BLT} derives;
   nowadays, the assembler mnemonic {BLT} almost always means
   `Branch if Less Than zero'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BLT: Break Little Thing
%%
Blue...blue...blue...
I hope that isn't a stutter.
 -- Data and Picard, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
:Blue Book: n. 1. Informal name for one of the three standard
   references on the page-layout and graphics-control language
   {{PostScript}} ("PostScript Language Tutorial and Cookbook",
   Adobe Systems, Addison-Wesley 1985, QA76.73.P67P68, ISBN
   0-201-10179-3); the other three official guides are known as the
   {Green Book}, the {Red Book}, and the {White Book} (sense
   2).  2. Informal name for one of the three standard references on
   Smalltalk: "Smalltalk-80: The Language and its
   Implementation", David Robson, Addison-Wesley 1983, QA76.8.S635G64,
   ISBN 0-201-11371-63 (this book also has green and red siblings).
   3. Any of the 1988 standards issued by the CCITT's ninth plenary
   assembly.  These include, among other things, the X.400 email spec
   and the Group 1 through 4 fax standards.  See also {{book
   titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blue dove...the crackerjack is on the windowsill.
%%
:Blue Glue: [IBM] n. IBM's SNA (Systems Network Architecture), an
   incredibly {losing} and {bletcherous} communications protocol
   widely favored at commercial shops that don't know any better.  The
   official IBM definition is "that which binds blue boxes
   together."  See {fear and loathing}.  It may not be irrelevant
   that {Blue Glue} is the trade name of a 3M product that is
   commonly used to hold down the carpet squares to the removable
   panel floors common in {dinosaur pen}s.  A correspondent at
   U. Minn. reports that the CS department there has about 80 bottles
   of the stuff hanging about, so they often refer to any messy work
   to be done as `using the blue glue'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:blue goo: n. Term for `police' {nanobot}s intended to prevent
   {gray goo}, denature hazardous waste, destroy pollution, put
   ozone back into the stratosphere, prevent halitosis, and promote
   truth, justice, and the American way, etc.  See
   {{nanotechnology}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bluegrass is not just a weed.
%%
Blue... No, yelloooooooooooooow
%%
Blue - Shifted * Red - Shifted * Doppler Effect...
%%
Blue-shifted: The only way to travel ...
%%
Blue + Wave = Bluewave.  Wacky, wacky, wacky!
%%
BlueWave does everything but think up new taglines!
%%
Bluewave:  everyone's doin' it!  Come on!  You'll be COOOOOL!
%%
Bluewave gets my mail, keeps me safe from the twits and flames!
%%
BlueWave spoken fluently here!
%%
Bluewave took the sparkle out of Comit!!
%%
:blue wire: [IBM] n. Patch wires added to circuit boards at the factory to
   correct design or fabrication problems.  These may be necessary if
   there hasn't been time to design and qualify another board version.
   Compare {purple wire}, {red wire}, {yellow wire}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bluff means never having to sway your story!
%%
:blurgle: /bler'gl/ [Great Britain] n. Spoken {metasyntactic
   variable}, to indicate some text that is obvious from context, or
   which is already known. If several words are to be replaced,
   blurgle may well be doubled or trebled. "To look for something in
   several files use `grep string blurgle blurgle'."  In each case,
   "blurgle blurgle" would be understood to be replaced by the file
   you wished to search.  Compare {mumble}, sense 7.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Blushing is the colour of virtue.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Jeremiah iii
%%
B.M. = Bowel Movement  OR  = Brian Mulroney
%%
BM: Branch Maybe
%%
BMI: Blow up Memory Immediate
%%
BMI: Branch on Missing Index
%%
BMI: Branch to Muncee Immediate
%%
BMP: Branch and Make Popcorn
%%
BMR: Branch Multiple Registers
%%
BmrphPUPAHbmrphPUPAHbmrphPUPAHbmrphPUPAHbmrphPUP(rapline)
%%
BMW             Babbling Mechanical Wench
%%
BMW             Bastard Money Wielders
%%
BMW             Beastly Monstrous Wonder
%%
BMW             Beautiful Masterpeices on Wheels
%%
BMW             Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
%%
BMW             Big Money Waste
%%
BMW             Big Money Works
%%
BMW             Blastphemous Motorized Wreck
%%
BMW             Born Moderately Wealthy.
%%
BMW             Bowel Movement Wagon (Bowdlerized term for Shitmobile)
%%
BMW             Break My Windows
%%
BMW             Broken Money Waster
%%
BMW             Broken Monstrous Wonder
%%
BMW             Brutal Money Waster
%%
BMW             Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
%%
BNA     Branch to Nonexistent Address
%%
BNCB: Branch and Never Come Back
%%
BNL: Become a Neo-Luddite
%%
BNR: Branch for No Reason
%%
:boa: [IBM] n. Any one of the fat cables that lurk under the floor
   in a {dinosaur pen}.  Possibly so called because they display a
   ferocious life of their own when you try to lay them straight and
   flat after they have been coiled for some time.  It is rumored
   within IBM that channel cables for the 370 are limited to 200 feet
   because beyond that length the boas get dangerous -- and it is
   worth noting that one of the major cable makers uses the trademark
   `Anaconda'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Boardheads do it with stiff masts.
%%
:board: n. 1. In-context synonym for {bboard}; sometimes used
   even for USENET newsgroups (but see usage note under {bboard},
   sense 1).  2. An electronic circuit board.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Board the windows, up your car insurance, and don't leave any booze in
plain sight.  It's St. Patrick's day in Chicago again.  The legend has
it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland.  In fact, he was
arrested for drunk driving.  The snakes left because people kept
throwing up on them.
%%
Boast not thyself of to-morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may
bring forth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvii, 1
%%
Boat: A hole in the water, surrounded by wood, into which one throws money.
%%
:boat anchor: n. 1. Like {doorstop} but more severe; implies
   that the offending hardware is irreversibly dead or useless.
   "That was a working motherboard once.  One lightning strike later,
   instant boat anchor!"  2. A person who just takes up space.
   3. Obsolete but still working hardware, especially when used of an
   old S100-bus hobbyist system; originally a term of annoyance, but
   became more and more affectionate as the hardware became more and
   more obsolete.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Bob also asks if Bill Ward ever did any 3-D
 comics.  Of course, ALL Bill Ward's comics are 3-D
 comics."
 -- Fandom Confidential
%%
Bob beats Cal like a rented mule!
%%
BOB-B-Que.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
BOB: Branch On Bug
%%
Bob built my hot rod, and he filled it with YOUR slack
%%
Bobby Knight told me this: "There is nothing that a good defense
cannot beat a better offense."  In other words a good offense wins.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle, in a speech to the City Club of Chicago,
 -- comparing the offensive capabilities of the Warsaw Pact with the
 -- defensive system of NATO, 9/8/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Bob Doesn't have an answer, but refuses to admit it..
%%
Bob has listed "Reality" as a PREVIOUS address!!
%%
Bob!  Hay what's up?  How's life?
%%
 Bob here.  I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls.  So
 start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll
 pick up the phone.  Otherwise, well, what can I say?
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Bob, how do you attract so much trouble??!?
%%
Bob in a straightjacket!
%%
Bob!!!   Is that a UFO outside????
%%
Bob, kindly refrain yer brain.
%%
Bob Morgan - Body by Fisher..
%%
Bob Morgan has been caught stealing taglines again.
%%
Bob Morgan has it floored in neutral.
%%
Bob Morgan is to moderators what mosquitos are to campers.
%%
Bob Morgan, leap - and the net will appear.
%%
Bob Morgan, rebel without a clue.
%%
Bob Morgan reminds me of London - Always in a fog.
%%
Bob Morgan speaks rather loudly for a rational creature..
%%
Bob must be home. The modem is still warm.
%%
Bob, my tear ducts are bone dry!
%%
Bob's nuts roasting on an open fire...  OUCH!
%%
Bob splattered quite nicely.
%%
Bob Spreen Cadillac.  Where the freeways meet in Downey.
%%
Bob Vila of Borg: Welcome to This Old Assimilation.
%%
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
%%
Bob went to a freak show and got in free !
%%
Bob, you forgot the bloomin' TAGLINE.
%%
Bob, you magnificent b*stard...I READ YOUR MENU!
%%
Bochra: "And without [the VISOR], you can see nothing?"
LaForge: "That's right."
Bochra: "And your parents let you live?"
 -- "The Enemy", Stardate unknown
%%
BOD: Beat On Disk
%%
BOD: Branch on Operator Desperate
%%
Bo Derek ruined my life!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Bo Derek thinks we're a bunch of airheads.
%%
Bodies in motion tend to remain in motion; bodies at rest
tend to remain in bed.
%%
Bodily exercise, when compulsory, does no harm to the body; but knowledge
which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind.
 -- Plato, The Republic. Book VII. 536
%%
BODILY FUNCTION: The biological process of making room for more beer!
%%
Body-builders do it with muscle.
%%
Body by Fisher - brains by Mattel.
%%
BODY:        I'm not dead!
CART DRIVER: 'Ere.  He says he's not dead.
LARGE MAN:   Yes he is.
BODY:        I'm not!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Body language is more powerful than verbal language.
%%
Body odor is the window to the soul.
%%
BODY-SNATCHER, n.  A robber of grave-worms.  One who supplies the
young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied
the undertaker.  The hyena.

    "One night," a doctor said, "last fall,
    I and my comrades, four in all,
        When visiting a graveyard stood
    Within the shadow of a wall.

    "While waiting for the moon to sink
    We saw a wild hyena slink
        About a new-made grave, and then
    Begin to excavate its brink!

    "Shocked by the horrid act, we made
    A sally from our ambuscade,
        And, falling on the unholy beast,
    Dispatched him with a pick and spade."
                                                      Bettel K. Jhones
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Boeing B-52 Superfortress.
%%
:BOF: /B-O-F/ or /bof/ n. Abbreviation for the phrase "Birds
   Of a Feather" (flocking together), an informal discussion group
   and/or bull session scheduled on a conference program.  It is not
   clear where or when this term originated, but it is now associated
   with the USENIX conferences for UNIX techies and was already
   established there by 1984.  It was used earlier than that at DECUS
   conferences and is reported to have been common at SHARE meetings
   as far back as the early 1960s.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Boggies are an unattractive but annoying people whose numbers have
increased rather precipitously since the bottom fell out of the fairy-tale
market. Slow and sullen, and yet dull, they prefer to lead simple lives of
pastoral squalor. They don't like machines more complicated than a garotte,
a blackjack, or a luger, and they have always been shy of the 'big folk' or
'biggers' as they call us. As a rule they avoid us, except on rare
occasions when a hundred or so will get together to dry-gulch a lone farmer
or hunter. They seldom exceed three feet in height, but are fully capable
of overpowering creatures half their size when they get the drop on them
... Their beginnings lie far back in the Good Ole Days when the planet was
populated with the kind of colorful creatures you have to drink a quart of
Old Overcoat to see nowadays.
 -- Bored of the Rings, by the staff of the Harvard Lampoon
%%
:bogometer: /boh-gom'-*t-er/ n. A notional instrument for
   measuring {bogosity}.  Compare the `wankometer' described in
   the {wank} entry; see also {bogus}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bogon filter: /boh'gon fil'tr/ n. Any device, software or hardware,
   that limits or suppresses the flow and/or emission of bogons.
   "Engineering hacked a bogon filter between the Cray and
   the VAXen, and now we're getting fewer dropped packets."  See
   also {bogosity}, {bogus}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bogon flux: /boh'gon fluhks/ n. A measure of a supposed field of
   {bogosity} emitted by a speaker, measured by a {bogometer};
   as a speaker starts to wander into increasing bogosity a listener
   might say "Warning, warning, bogon flux is rising".  See
   {quantum bogodynamics}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bogosity: /boh-go's*-tee/ n. 1. The degree to which something is
   {bogus}.  At CMU, bogosity is measured with a {bogometer}; in
   a seminar, when a speaker says something bogus, a listener might
   raise his hand and say "My bogometer just triggered".  More
   extremely, "You just pinned my bogometer" means you just said or
   did something so outrageously bogus that it is off the scale,
   pinning the bogometer needle at the highest possible reading (one
   might also say "You just redlined my bogometer").  The
   agreed-upon unit of bogosity is the {microLenat}.  2. The
   potential field generated by a {bogon flux}; see {quantum
   bogodynamics}.  See also {bogon flux}, {bogon filter},
   {bogus}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bogo-sort: /boh`goh-sort'/ n. (var. `stupid-sort') The
   archetypical perversely awful algorithm (as opposed to {bubble
   sort}, which is merely the generic *bad* algorithm).
   Bogo-sort is equivalent to repeatedly throwing a deck of cards in
   the air, picking them up at random, and then testing whether they
   are in order.  It serves as a sort of canonical example of
   awfulness.  Looking at a program and seeing a dumb algorithm, one
   might say "Oh, I see, this program uses bogo-sort."  Compare
   {bogus}, {brute force}, {Lasherism}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bogotify: /boh-go't*-fi:/ vt. To make or become bogus.  A
   program that has been changed so many times as to become completely
   disorganized has become bogotified.  If you tighten a nut too hard
   and strip the threads on the bolt, the bolt has become bogotified
   and you had better not use it any more.  This coinage led to the
   notional `autobogotiphobia' defined as `the fear of becoming
   bogotified'; but is not clear that the latter has ever been
   `live' jargon rather than a self-conscious joke in jargon about
   jargon.  See also {bogosity}, {bogus}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bogue out: /bohg owt/ vi. To become bogus, suddenly and
   unexpectedly.  "His talk was relatively sane until somebody asked
   him a trick question; then he bogued out and did nothing but
   {flame} afterwards."  See also {bogosity}, {bogus}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bogus: adj. 1. Non-functional.  "Your patches are bogus."
   2. Useless.  "OPCON is a bogus program."  3. False.  "Your
   arguments are bogus."  4. Incorrect.  "That algorithm is bogus."
   5. Unbelievable.  "You claim to have solved the halting problem
   for Turing Machines?  That's totally bogus."  6. Silly.  "Stop
   writing those bogus sagas."

   Astrology is bogus.  So is a bolt that is obviously about to break.
   So is someone who makes blatantly false claims to have solved a
   scientific problem.  (This word seems to have some, but not all, of
   the connotations of {random} -- mostly the negative ones.)

   It is claimed that `bogus' was originally used in the hackish sense
   at Princeton in the late 1960s.  It was spread to CMU and Yale by
   Michael Shamos, a migratory Princeton alumnus.  A glossary of bogus
   words was compiled at Yale when the word was first popularized (see
   {autobogotiphobia} under {bogotify}). The word spread into
   hackerdom from CMU and MIT.  By the early 1980s it was also
   current in something like the hackish sense in West Coast teen
   slang, and it had gone mainstream by 1985.  A correspondent from
   Cambridge reports, by contrast, that these uses of `bogus' grate on
   British nerves; in Britain the word means, rather specifically,
   `counterfeit', as in "a bogus 10-pound note".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BOH: Branch On Humidity
%%
BOH: Branch on Operator High
%%
BOHICA: (B)end (O)ver (H)ere (I)t (C)omes (A)gain
%%
BOHP: Bribe Operator for Higher Priority
%%
:Bohr bug: /bohr buhg/ [from quantum physics] n. A repeatable
   {bug}; one that manifests reliably under a possibly unknown but
   well-defined set of conditions.  Antonym of {heisenbug}; see also
   {mandelbug}, {schroedinbug}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BOI: Byte Operator Immediately
%%
BOING! Dolly Parton-- silicone based life.
%%
BOING! RIME--America's Funniest Home Computers
%%
BOING! Tag!  You're It...
%%
BOING! There are too many people in the world.
%%
BOING! Toxicologists have better endpoints.
%%
:boink: /boynk/ [USENET: variously ascribed to the TV series
   "Cheers" "Moonlighting", and "Soap"] 1. To have sex
   with; compare {bounce}, sense 3. (This is mainstream slang.) In
   Commonwealth hackish the variant `bonk' is more common.  2. After
   the original Peter Korn `Boinkon' {USENET} parties, used for
   almost any net social gathering, e.g., Miniboink, a small boink
   held by Nancy Gillett in 1988; Minniboink, a Boinkcon in Minnesota
   in 1989; Humpdayboinks, Wednesday get-togethers held in the San
   Francisco Bay Area.  Compare {@-party}.  3. Var of `bonk';
   see {bonk/oif}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bo Jackson knows doing it.
%%
Bo Knows MegaMail!
%%
Bo KNOWS Needlepoint
%%
Bo knows Taglines!
%%
Bo knows your girlfriend!
%%
Boku wa hon desu.
%%
Boldly backing away from where no one has gone before.
%%
Boldly going forward because we can't find reverse.
%%
Boldly going where no modem has gone before...
%%
Boldness is a child of ignorance.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Boldness is a mask for fear, however great.
 -- Lucan
%%
Boldness is ever blind, for it sees not dangers and inconveniences;
whence it is bad in council though good in execution.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Bolger wears a hat so he knows which end to wipe!
%%
Bollocks, said Pooh, being more forthright than usual.
%%
Bollocks to Marxism.
%%
Bolt of lightning turns toilet into electric chair.
%%
:bomb: 1. v. General synonym for {crash} (sense 1) except that
   it is not used as a noun; esp. used of software or OS failures.
   "Don't run Empire with less than 32K stack, it'll bomb."
   2. n.,v. Atari ST and Macintosh equivalents of a UNIX `panic' or
   Amiga {guru} (sense 2), in which icons of little black-powder
   bombs or mushroom clouds are displayed, indicating that the system
   has died.  On the Mac, this may be accompanied by a decimal (or
   occasionally hexadecimal) number indicating what went wrong,
   similar to the Amiga {guru meditation} number.  {{MS-DOS}}
   machines tend to get {locked up} in this situation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
%%
bom.ni.science \bom-'nish-*n(t)s\ n : the situation, quality, or state
whereby Bo knows everything.
%%
Bon appetite!
%%
Bon Collexion.
%%
:bondage-and-discipline language: A language (such as {{Pascal}},
   {{Ada}}, APL, or Prolog) that, though ostensibly general-purpose,
   is designed so as to enforce an author's theory of `right
   programming' even though said theory is demonstrably inadequate for
   systems hacking or even vanilla general-purpose programming.  Often
   abbreviated `B&D'; thus, one may speak of things "having the
   B&D nature".  See {{Pascal}}; oppose {languages of
   choice}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Bondage... what's bondage?"
"He's from Flagstaff."
"Oh."
 -- Bruce Babbit poses a question in HONKEYTONK SUE
%%
Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them
seemed to come from Texas.
 -- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale"
%%
Bonds almost instantly!
%%
BONDSMAN, n.  A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to
become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third.
    Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a
dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would
be able to give.  "I need no bondsmen," he replied, "for I can give
you my word of honor."  "And pray what may be the value of that?"
inquired the amused Regent.  "Monsieur, it is worth its weight in
gold."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bone and Skin, two millers thin,
  Would starve us all, or near it;
But be it known to Skin and Bone
  That Flesh and Blood can't bear it.
 -- John Byrom (1691-1763)
 -- Epigram on Two Monopolists
%%
Bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis ii, 23
%%
Bones! It's EnsignGoodyear!  He's tread, Jim.
%%
Boneyard n.   Where you send Old Iron (q. v.) when it
costs more to plug it in than to throw it away.
 -- IBM Jargon File
%%
bong: sound made by a climber at the conclusion of a fall.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Bonking with Barbie..
%%
BONK
  Oh please, let's not get back to that.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:bonk/oif: /bonk/, /oyf/ interj. In the {MUD} community, it
   has become traditional to express pique or censure by `bonking'
   the offending person.  Convention holds that one should acknowledge
   a bonk by saying `oif!' and there is a myth to the effect that
   failing to do so upsets the cosmic bonk/oif balance, causing much
   trouble in the universe.  Some MUDs have implemented special
   commands for bonking and oifing.  See also {talk mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bonzo the Demon Dog from Hell with Handlebars for Ears.
%%
boogeroid
(booh-gur-oyd) n.: clot of nasal mucous so substantial it must be
brought down the back stairs and made to exit via the mouth
%%
Boogers on the Wall-By the twin writers, Pickem & Flickem
%%
BOOK
  A number of letters, collected into words, compiled into sentences,
  arranged into paragraphs and rendered on pages glued or stapled to
  one another could in some circles considered to be a book. Books
  were actually first used by the earliest of cavemen, but weren't
  much use since although a few privileged elders were able to write,
  absolutely nobody could read. Which makes them about as useless as
  a one-legged umbrella wielding elephant.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.
 -- Henry Morgan
%%
Bookkeeper: Mr. Goldwyn, our files are bulging with paperwork we no
      longer need.  May I have your permission to destroy all
       records before 1945?
Goldwyn:    Certainly. Just be sure to keep a copy of everything.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
BOOKKEEPERS are well balanced.
%%
Bookkeepers do it for the record.
%%
Bookkeepers do it with double entry.
%%
    Book lovers are thought by unbookish people to be gentle
and unworldly, and perhaps a few of them are so.  But there
are others who will lie and scheme and steal to get books as
wildly and unconscionably as the dope-taker in pursuit of his
drug.  They may not want the books to read immediately, or at
all; they want them to possess, to range on their shelves, to
have at command.  They want books as a Turk is thought to want
concubines-- not to be hastily deflowered, but to be kept at
their master's call, and enjoyed more often in thought than in
reality.
 -- Robertson Davies, Tempest-Tost
%%
Book never written: "Dog training." by Wille Bite
%%
Books:  A legal escape from the drudges of reality.
%%
Books are better than TV; they exercise your imagination.
%%
Books are burning
In the main square, and I saw there
The fire eating the text.
Books are burning
In the still air
And you know where they burn books
People are next.
 -- "Books Are Burning", XTC
%%
Books are for use.
 -- First law of library science
%%
Books are like eggs--best when fresh.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Books are not made for furniture, but there is nothing else that so
beautifully furnishes a house.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Books are not men and yet they stay alive.
 -- Stephen Vincent Benet
%%
Books by Oolon Caluphid:
  Where God Went Wrong
  Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes
  Who Is the God Person Anyway?
...and the finale:
  Well, That About Wraps It Up For God
%%
Books cannot always please, however good;
Minds are not ever craving for their food.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- The Borough, Letter xxiv, Schools
%%
Booksellers never read scrolls; it might carry them too far away.
%%
Booksellers never read scrolls; it might leave their shop unguarded.
%%
Books had instant replay long before televised sports.
 -- Bern Williams
%%
Books?  I'd rather lend you my dog.  He knows his way home!
%%
Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen.
 -- Samuel Paterson
%%
Books, like proverbs, receive their chief value from the stamp and
esteem of ages through which they have passed.
 -- Sir William Temple (1628-1699)
 -- Ancient and Modern Learning
%%
Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Proposition touching Amendment of Laws
%%
Books rule the world, or at least those nations which have a written
language; the others do not matter.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Books:  The alternative to television.
%%
Books, the children of the brain.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Tale of a Tub, Sect. i
%%
Books:  They're what's for dinner.
%%
Books without the knowledge of life are useless.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
:book titles:: There is a tradition in hackerdom of informally
   tagging important textbooks and standards documents with the
   dominant color of their covers or with some other conspicuous
   feature of the cover.  Many of these are described in this lexicon
   under their own entries. See {Aluminum Book}, {Blue Book},
   {Cinderella Book}, {Devil Book}, {Dragon Book}, {Green
   Book}, {Orange Book}, {Pink-Shirt Book}, {Purple Book},
   {Red Book}, {Silver Book}, {White Book}, {Wizard Book},
   {Yellow Book}, and {bible}; see also {rainbow
   series}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bookworms only read about it.
%%
Boomer Envy:
 Envy of material wealth and longe-range material security
accrued by older members of the baby boom generation by virtue of
fortunate births.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Boom!  Shaka La Ka  Boom!  Shaka La Ka
%%
BOOOOOM!!!! -- Hey, guys! I found a trap.....
%%
Boop Boop Bee Boop - Betty Boop
%%
boot-ax belay: highly developed technique for ruining an ice ax, destroying a
rope, and shortening a climbing day.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
BOOT DEVICE NOT FOUND and you're ugly too ...
%%
Boot- What your friends give you because you spend
 too much time bragging about your computer skills.
%%
Boot & ye shall see. Replace & all will be made clear.
%%
BOO!  We changed Coke again!  BLEAH!  BLEAH!
%%
Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.
%%
Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question.
 -- Lt. Henry Mon, USAF, circa 1961
%%
BOP: Boot OPerator
%%
BOP     Byte Operator
%%
Bo Peep did it for the insurance.
%%
Bop was based on a seventeen-note chromatic scale, which presented a
 problem as there are only twelve notes to an octave. They solved this
 problem by playing very rapidly.
 -- Roger Price
%%
Bordeaux makes you think of mischief; Burgundy makes you tease; Champagne
makes you.
%%
Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies.
%%
BOREALIS is where I'm at.
%%
Bore:  A man who spends so much time talking about himself that you
can't talk about yourself.
 -- Melville D. Landon
%%
Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it...
%%
Bored dogs are subject to episodic cat mirages.
%%
Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage.
%%
Bored? Go to a cemetery and verbally abuse dead people..
%%
Boredom delenda est!
%%
Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half of the
sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Boredom:  Life without RIME or reason.
%%
Boredom -- the desire for desires: Leo Tolstoy
%%
Bored? Play air guitar..
%%
Bored? Recite romantic poetry.. to your toaster..
%%
Bored? Turn your TV picture tube upside down..
%%
Bore, n.:
     A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary.
 -- Walter Winchell
%%
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Borganist: music maker at Borg baseball games
%%
Borgasm, n.  The ecstacy of being assimilated.
%%
Borg Assimilation is the Best Cure for the Common Man.
%%
Borgburgers: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
%%
Borg-Cola : Not the choice of The Next Generation.
%%
BorgCola: Not the real thing, baby. Unh Huh.
%%
Borg.Com found!  (A)ssimilate (C)hange channel
%%
BorgDos 1.0 : Irrelevant Command Or Filename. (A)ssimilate, (D)estroy?
%%
BorgDOS 5.0: Assimilate another (Y/N)?
%%
BorgDOS 6.0 - FORMAT C: [Y/y] Resistance is futile.
%%
Borg Empire: Equal opportunity Assimilator!
%%
Borger King: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
%%
BORG For President - All Politicians Will Be Assimilated!
%%
Borg for President! `The deficit will be assimilated..'
%%
Borg in New Jersey: "Florio is irrelevant."
%%
Borg Mail Reader v1.0a - Your taglines will be assimilated!
%%
Borg Mail Reader v2.1a - Taglines are irrelevant.
%%
Borg Mail Reader v2.1a - Tagline theft is futile.
%%
Borg: Official extraterrestrial race of the TAGLINE echo.
%%
Borg of Istanbul, Constantinople is irrelevant
%%
Borg Oyster Cult: Fearing the Reaper is irrelevant.
%%
Borg saying: We came. We absorbed. We left.
%%
Borg Ships are Rubik's Cubes without the colored stickers.
%%
Borg Spreadsheet Program - Locutus 1-2-3
%%
Borg starter kit. Some assimilation required.
%%
Borg's World! Partying is irrelevant! Assimilate beer!
%%
Borg to Ferengi, Profit is irrelevant.
%%
Borg virus detected.  (A)ssimilate? (Y/y/y)
%%
Borg-weiser, the Assimilator of Beers.
%%
Borg: What happens when you let the government take care of you.
%%
Borg? Where?  I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER
%%
Boring Midwestern Cities: Cole Lumbus
%%
Borland liked dBase so much they bought the COMPANY
%%
Borland schmorland
%%
Born a day late and like that ever since.
%%
Born again.  And again.  And again.
%%
Born Again Christian = "I guess I myth'd again."
%%
Born again?  Have you been potty trained again?
%%
Born Again Pagan.
%%
Born again virgin.
%%
Born but to banquet, and to drain the bowl.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book x, Line 662
%%
Borne the burden and heat of the day.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xx, 12
%%
Born in 1943, The Year of the Zinc-Coated Steel Penny.
%%
Born in 1945. The replacement for WW II.
%%
Born in a cellar, and living in a garret.
 -- Samuel Foote (1720-1777)
 -- The Author, Act ii
%%
Born in the garret, in the kitchen bred.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- A Sketch
%%
Born to be cuddled.
%%
Born to be Wiiiillllllddddddddddd
%%
Born to Hack ... Full Metal Keyboard
%%
Born to run.
%%
Born to shop.
%%
Borrow trouble for yourself, if that's your nature, but don't lend it to
your neighbors.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
Bosnian Cease-Fire
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Bosses delegate the task to others.
%%
Boss - Late when you're early, early when you're late.
%%
Boss, n.: According to the Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages the
words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss, in addition
to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an ornamental stud."
%%
Boss spelled backwards is "double-SOB"
%%
Boss to employer: No, Baxter, you're not being replaced by a computer- only
a silicon chip.
 -- Eli Stein
%%
Boston State-house is the hub of the solar system. You could n't pry
that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened
out for a crow-bar.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, vi
%%
Botany is not a science; it is the art of insulting flowers in Greek and
 Latin.
 -- Alphonse Karr
%%
BOTANY, n.  The science of vegetables -- those that are not good to
eat, as well as those that are.  It deals largely with their flowers,
which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-
smelling.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
BOT: Branch On Tree
%%
Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets.
 -- James Hunt, BBC2 TV
%%
Both Empedocles and Heraclitus held it for a truth that man could
not be altogether cleared from injustice in dealing with beasts as
he now does.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Which are the most crafty, Water or Land Animals? 7
%%
Bother! said Pooh, after not recording 'Eastenders'.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as Cthulhu rose up and ate him.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he backed up onto the wrong tape.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he bumped into Barney.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he called in an air strike.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he carved Eeyore's name in the black caandle.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he deleted C:\WINDOWS.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he deleted his message base.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he deleted his source code ...
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he found he'd used a dirty needle.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he found out his symbiont hated huuny.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he found the smack contained talc.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he got cattle-prodded in the groin.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he got splattered all over the place.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he got trapped in the printer.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he had Eeyore for dinner.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he hid Piglet's corpse with Roo's.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he inhaled.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he inserted the suppository.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he loaded his last round.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he mounted Piglet.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he nuked Iraq!
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he paid 5 extra for 'teddy' style.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he puked over Christopher Robin.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he pulled the cat off his face.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he put the message in the wrong conference.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he reached for the reset button.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he read alt.fan.bill-gates.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he received his Compuserve bill.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he reinstalled Telemate 4.12.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he reinstalled TLX 5.1.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he ripped his ringpiece.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he saw Ms. Bobbitt drive up.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he saw the mushroom cloud.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he scrambled his partition table.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he shot A.A. Milne for being a git.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he shot that bird in the wing.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he started up Norton Utilities.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he struggled with his condom.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he stuffed Piglet's corpse into a trash bag.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he sunk his twelfth Guinness.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he swallowed the mucus in lumps.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he torched the forest.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he tried to install OS/2.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he tried to install Windoze.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he tried to learn COBOL.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he twitted his moderator.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he uncovered a hive of Smurves.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he underwent aversion therapy.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he was butchered for his paws and liver.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he wiped the vomit from his chin.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as he wrestled with the moderator.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as his bungee cord broke.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as his buttocks caught fire.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as his LAN manager went downhill.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as his rectum exploded.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as his regeneration failed.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as his time ran out and he turned into a puddle.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as Kanga sneezed in his honey pot.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as Satan laid his soul to waste.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as the Cardassians tortured him.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as the condom came away in his hand.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as the pin fell out the grenade.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as the police closed in.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as the pus dribbled out his nose.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as the vice squad took his .GIF files.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, as Windows swapped out again.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, I need a sauce for piglet.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, it's your husband and he has a gun.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, lock phasers on that heffalump!
%%
Bother! said Pooh, pulling the Tribble from his honey pot.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, taking the last hit from his grass.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, when he couldn't think of a tagline.
%%
Bother! said Pooh, when Tigger came out of the closet.
%%
Both marital problems are teenagers.
%%
"Both models are identical in performance,
functional operation, and interface circuit details.
The two models, however, are not compatible on the
same communications line connection."
 -- Bell System Technical Reference
%%
Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat.
%%
Both of them [Breckenridge and Douglas, Lincoln's opponents] mean that
Labor has no rights which Capital is bound to respect, -- that there
is no higher law than human interest and cupidity.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
%%
Both potter is jealous of potter and craftsman of craftsman; and poor
man has a grudge against poor man, and poet against poet.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 25
%%
Both sexes have sex when they don't want it--even on the first date.
%%
BOTH sexes kill men more than they kill women.
%%
Both thunder and lightning come:
The image of Abundance.
Thus the superior man decides lawsuits
And carries out punishments.
%%
Bottled dreams float you to shore.
 -- Margo Pisnoy
%%
BOTTLE.GIN NOT found:  Sysop NOT loaded
%%
BOTTLE-NOSED, adj.  Having a nose created in the image of its maker.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bottle 'o wine, fruit 'o the vine ...
%%
:bottom feeder: n. Syn. for {slopsucker}, derived from the
   fishermen's and naturalists' term for finny creatures who subsist
   on the primordial ooze.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bottom-up implementation: n. Hackish opposite of the techspeak term
   `top-down design'.  It is now received wisdom in most
   programming cultures that it is best to design from higher levels
   of abstraction down to lower, specifying sequences of action in
   increasing detail until you get to actual code.  Hackers often find
   (especially in exploratory designs that cannot be closely
   specified in advance) that it works best to *build* things in
   the opposite order, by writing and testing a clean set of primitive
   operations and then knitting them together.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Boughs are daily rifled
  By the gusty thieves,
And the book of Nature
  Getteth short of leaves.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Season
%%
Bought And Sold...
%%
boulder: place close to the ground to practice falling. when climbers aren't
climbing, they like to sharpen their skills by bouldering on large rocks
located in places frequented by impressionable tourists. because bouldering
is done without protection, the rule is never to climb higher than you'd
like to fall. that is why so many climbers stand around discussing boulder
problems instead of climbing them.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
:bounce message: [UNIX] n. Notification message returned to sender
   by a site unable to relay {email} to the intended {{Internet
   address}} recipient or the next link in a {bang path} (see
   {bounce}, sense 1).  Reasons might include a nonexistent or
   misspelled username or a {down} relay site.  Bounce messages can
   themselves fail, with occasionally ugly results; see {sorcerer's
   apprentice mode} and {software laser}.  The terms `bounce
   mail' and `barfmail' are also common.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bounce: v. 1. [perhaps by analogy to a bouncing check] An
   electronic mail message that is undeliverable and returns an error
   notification to the sender is said to `bounce'.  See also
   {bounce message}.  2. [Stanford] To play volleyball.  The
   now-demolished {D. C. Power Lab} building used by the Stanford
   AI Lab in the 1970s had a volleyball court on the front lawn.  From
   5 P.M. to 7 P.M. was the scheduled maintenance time for the
   computer, so every afternoon at 5 would come over the intercom the
   cry: "Now hear this: bounce, bounce!", followed by Brian McCune
   loudly bouncing a volleyball on the floor outside the offices of
   known volleyballers.  3. To engage in sexual intercourse; prob.
   from the expression `bouncing the mattress', but influenced by
   Roo's psychosexually loaded "Try bouncing me, Tigger!" from the
   "Winnie-the-Pooh" books.  Compare {boink}.  4. To casually
   reboot a system in order to clear up a transient problem.  Reported
   primarily among {VMS} users.  5.  [VM/CMS programmers]
   *Automatic* warm-start of a machine after an error.  "I
   logged on this morning and found it had bounced 7 times during the
   night" 6. [IBM] To {power cycle} a peripheral in order to reset
   it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BOUNDARY, n.  In political geography, an imaginary line between two
nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary
rights of the other.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bounders get bound when they are caught bounding.
 -- Ralph Lewin
%%
Bound with cords and ropes,
Shut in between thorn-hedged prison walls:
For three years one does not find the way.
Misfortune.
%%
Bounty Hunter: "Kreesh naa krenko".
Solo: "Yeah, I'll bet you have".
 -- Star Wars
%%
BOUNTY, n.  The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who
has nothing to get all that he can.

        A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects
    every year.  The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal
    instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His
    creatures.
                                                    Henry Ward Beecher
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:boustrophedon: [from a Greek word for turning like an ox while
   plowing] n. An ancient method of writing using alternate
   left-to-right and right-to-left lines.  This term is actually
   philologists' techspeak and typesetters' jargon.  Erudite hackers
   use it for an optimization performed by some computer typesetting
   software and moving-head printers.  The adverbial form
   `boustrophedonically' is also found (hackers purely love
   constructions like this).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bove's Theorem:  The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal
 increases as the deadline approaches.
%%
Bow down to Rick Wakeman!
%%
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, or U...
%%
Bowels of compassion.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 John iii, 17
%%
Bowler's dinner -- spare ribs
 -- Raymond D. Love
%%
Bowlers do it in the alley.
%%
Bowlers do it with balls.
%%
Bowlers have bigger balls.
%%
Bowling - the 2nd most popular indoor sport!
%%
"Bowling?"
  "You know. Thats where a big black thing knocks down a lot of little
   white things."
"That sounds like the A-Team to me."
 -- Keith "Badger" Vallenti found this on a channel flip
 -- from Don Adam's CHECK IT OUT
%%
Bowman hesitates. You're not IBM compatible.
%%
BOW TIE: Big Over Weight Tired Impotent Engines
%%
Bow to no patron's insolence. Rely on no frail hopes; in freedom live and die.
 -- Seneca
%%
Bow Wow!  Dyslexic dogs sit on your face and lick your lap.
%%
Bow your head with great respect, and Genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!
%%
:boxed comments: n. Comments (explanatory notes attached to program
   instructions) that occupy several lines by themselves; so called
   because in assembler and C code they are often surrounded by a box
   in a style something like this:

     /*************************************************
      *
      * This is a boxed comment in C style
      *
      *************************************************/

   Common variants of this style omit the asterisks in column 2 or add
   a matching row of asterisks closing the right side of the box.  The
   sparest variant omits all but the comment delimiters themselves;
   the `box' is implied.  Oppose {winged comments}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:boxen: /bok'sn/ [by analogy with {VAXen}] pl.n. Fanciful
   plural of {box} often encountered in the phrase `UNIX boxen',
   used to describe commodity {{UNIX}} hardware.  The connotation is
   that any two UNIX boxen are interchangeable.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BOXER: Compile and jump automatically to error lines!
%%
BOXER: mouse, menus, macros, marking, matching, math...
%%
Boxers do it with fists.
%%
Boxer: Winner of Shareware Magazine 1991 Editor's Choice Award!
%%
Boxing is the only sport in the world where two men get paid for doing
 something to each other that if they did otherwise, they would get arrested
 for doing, particularly if one or both of them had been drinking
 beforehand.
%%
:box: n. 1. A computer; esp. in the construction `foo box'
   where foo is some functional qualifier, like `graphics', or
   the name of an OS (thus, `UNIX box', `MS-DOS box', etc.)  "We
   preprocess the data on UNIX boxes before handing it up to the
   mainframe."  2. [IBM] Without qualification but within an
   SNA-using site, this refers specifically to an IBM front-end
   processor or FEP /F-E-P/.  An FEP is a small computer necessary
   to enable an IBM {mainframe} to communicate beyond the limits of
   the {dinosaur pen}.  Typically used in expressions like the cry
   that goes up when an SNA network goes down: "Looks like the
   {box} has fallen over." (See {fall over}.) See also
   {IBM}, {fear and loathing}, {fepped out}, {Blue
   Glue}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:boxology: /bok-sol'*-jee/ n. Syn. {ASCII art}.  This term
   implies a more restricted domain, that of box-and-arrow drawings.
   "His report has a lot of boxology in it."  Compare
   {macrology}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Boy Am I Tired! It Must Be The NET-LAG!
%%
Boy and girl go camping together, sure to have naughty intent!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Boy and girl in the bath.
 Girl: What is that long thing ?
 Boy : It`s mine.
 Girl: Can I play with it ?
 Boy : No! You`ve broken yours already.
%%
Boycott - a bed for a young male person.
%%
Boycott Clockwork Peach.
%%
Boycott EXXON... get a horse!
%%
Boycott -- In 1880, Captain Charles Cunningham Boycott was land agent in
County Mayo, Ireland, for an absentee owner, the Earl of Erne. Though
the harvest had been disastrous, Captain Boycott refused to reduce rents
and attempted to evict any tenants who could not pay in full. As a
result, he became the object of the earliest known effort to force an
alteration of policy by concerted nonintercourse. His servants departed
en masse. No one would sell him food. Life became so miserable for him
that at last he gave up and returned to England. To boycott is "to
combine in abstaining from, or preventing dealings with, as a means of
intimidation or coercion."
 -- Willard R. Espy, "O Thou Improper, Thou Uncommon Noun"
%%
Boycott meat - beat a vegetable.
%%
Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
%%
Boycott Shampoo  -  Demand REAL poo!
%%
Boy: "Daddy, daddy, I hurt myself!"
Guard: "Whatsa matter kid, you hurt yourself?"
 -- "A Piece Of The action", Stardate unknown
%%
Boy, Data, you look great in a push-up bra
 Riker
%%
Boy George - just what England needs, another Queen who can't dress!
%%
"Boy, life takes a long time to live
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Boy! Lucius! Fast asleep? It is no matter;
Enjoy the honey-heavy dew of slumber:
Thou hast no figures nor no fantasies,
Which busy care draws in the brains of men;
Therefore thou sleep'st so sound.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it.
%%
Boy oh boy, that lightening sounds clo)^*&%&$NO CARRIER
%%
Boys' abusers are usually women.
%%
Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least
when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
 -- James Thurber
%%
Boy Scouts do it in the woods.
%%
Boy Scout's Handbook: Casey Needzit
%%
Boys don't make passes at female smartasses.
 -- Letty Cottin Pogrebin
%%
Boys want to light bangers, but end up holding sparklers.
%%
Boys will be boisterous.
%%
Boys will be boys, and if given any form of decent opportunity, these will
 be quickly joined by any number of middle-aged men.
%%
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Boys will be boys, and so will you.
%%
Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Boy, that Data is slicker than cow snot
 -- Guinan
%%
Boy that lightning is coming a little too close-***$*%***NO CARRIER
%%
Boy, that's bad!!
%%
Boy that Tagline brought back some memories of years gone by.
%%
Boy, that thunder sounds clo@$#%^%#$^ NO CARRIER
%%
Boy! This is Fun and inexpensive too.
%%
Boy, this Soylent Green tastes great!  What's the recipe?
%%
"Boy, this would make a great TV series..."
 -- A vagrant TV executive, from CROSSFIRE
%%
Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
Boy, what beautiful thunder clouds.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
BOY:  You want to play Pearl Harbor?
GIRL: OK.  How do you play?
BOY:  I'll lie down and be Pearl Harbor, and you come along and blow
      the hell out of me.
%%
:bozotic: /boh-zoh'tik/ or /boh-zo'tik/ [from the name of a TV
   clown even more losing than Ronald McDonald] adj. Resembling or
   having the quality of a bozo; that is, clownish, ludicrously wrong,
   unintentionally humorous.  Compare {wonky}, {demented}.  Note
   that the noun `bozo' occurs in slang, but the mainstream
   adjectival form would be `bozo-like' or (in New England)
   `bozoish'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BPB: Branch on Program Bug
%%
BPD     Branch on Programmer Debugging
%%
BPDI: Be Polite, Don't Interrupt
%%
BPIM: Bury Programmer In Manuals
%%
BPL: Branch PLease
%%
BPM: Become a Psych Major
%%
BPO: Branch on Power On
%%
BPO     Branch to Power Off
%%
BPP: Branch and Pull the Plug
%%
:BQS: /B-Q-S/ adj. Syn. {Berkeley Quality Software}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BRA: Branch to Random Address
%%
Braces for false teeth.
 -- Polish invention
%%
Brace yourselves.  We're about to try something that borders on the
unique: an actually rather serious technical book which is not only
(gasp) vehemently anti-Solemn, but also (shudder) takes sides.  I tend
to think of it as `Constructive Snottiness.'
 -- Mike Padlipsky, Foreword to "Elements of Networking
                   Style"
%%
Brackett: "Three weeks ago, one of our most *celebrated* ambassadors and
advisors to Federation leaders for generations, disappeared.  He left no word
of his destination.  Two days ago, intelligence reports placed him on Romulus,
and I assure you it was an unauthorized visit."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate Unknown 
%%
[Braddock:] Mr Churchill, you are drunk.
[Churchill:] And you madam, are ugly.  But I shall be sober tomorrow.
 -- in W. Manchester The Last Lion
 -- To Elizabeth Margaret ("Bessie") Braddock, MP, according to some.
%%
Bradyism:
 A multisibling sensibility derived from having grown up in
large families. A rarity in those born after approximately 1965,
symptoms of Bradyism include a facility for mind games, emotional
withdrawal in situations of overcrowding, and a deeply felt need for a
well-defined personal space.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
BRAHMA, n.  He who created the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu
and destroyed by Siva -- a rather neater division of labor than is
found among the deities of some other nations.  The Abracadabranese,
for example, are created by Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by
Folly.  The priests of Brahma, like those of Abracadabranese, are holy
and learned men who are never naughty.

    O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity,
    First Person of the Hindoo Trinity,
    You sit there so calm and securely,
    With feet folded up so demurely --
    You're the First Person Singular, surely.
                                                        Polydore Smith
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Brahms: "So *you're* the one who's been fouling up my engine designs."
 -- "Galaxy's Child", Stardate unknown
%%
Brain. Brain. What is brain?
 -- Kara the Eymorg, "Spock's Brain," stardate 5432.3.
%%
Brain cell currently disengaged ...
%%
BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It
%%
:brain-damaged: 1. [generalization of `Honeywell Brain Damage'
   (HBD), a theoretical disease invented to explain certain utter
   cretinisms in Honeywell {{Multics}}] adj. Obviously wrong;
   {cretinous}; {demented}.  There is an implication that the
   person responsible must have suffered brain damage, because he
   should have known better.  Calling something brain-damaged is
   really bad; it also implies it is unusable, and that its failure to
   work is due to poor design rather than some accident.  "Only six
   monocase characters per file name?  Now *that's*
   brain-damaged!"  2. [esp. in the Mac world] May refer to free
   demonstration software that has been deliberately crippled in some
   way so as not to compete with the commercial product it is
   intended to sell.  Syn.  {crippleware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Brain damage is all in your head.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Brain damage is what we were after...chromosome damage
was just gravy
%%
Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some.
%%
:brain-dead: adj. Brain-damaged in the extreme.  It tends to imply
   terminal design failure rather than malfunction or simple
   stupidity.  "This comm program doesn't know how to send a break
 -- -- how brain-dead!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Brain decay isn't yours only problem.
%%
Brain Disengaged; Call Back Tomorrow.
%%
Brain disfunction detected....
%%
:brain dump: n. The act of telling someone everything one knows
   about a particular topic or project.  Typically used when someone
   is going to let a new party maintain a piece of code.  Conceptually
   analogous to an operating system {core dump} in that it saves a
   lot of useful {state} before an exit.  "You'll have to
   give me a brain dump on FOOBAR before you start your new job at
   HackerCorp."  See {core dump} (sense 4).  At Sun, this is also
   known as `TOI' (transfer of information).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:brain fart: n. The actual result of a {braino}, as opposed to
   the mental glitch that is the braino itself.  E.g., typing
   `dir' on a UNIX box after a session with DOS.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Brain fried -- core dumped.
%%
Brain him with his lady's fan.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Brain Moore: "...the whistle's gone, Ray Houghton clearly 4 or 5 yards
               offside"
 Ron Atkinson:"Yes, but for me that's when Houghton is at his most dangerous."
%%
BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think.  That which
distinguishes the man who is content to _be_ something from the man
who wishes to _do_ something.  A man of great wealth, or one who has
been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of
brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on.  In our
civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so
highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of
office.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Brain not found. Run for office? (Y/N)
%%
Brain, n.: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Brain off-line, please wait.
%%
Brain on vacation, body on autopilot.
%%
Brain on vacation, penis on autopilot.
%%
Brain over - Insert coin.
%%
Brains by Oxford, Body by beer!
%%
Brains first and then Hard Work.
 -- Eeyore, Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
Brain stimulator permanently set to -5VDC.
%%
Brains x Beauty = Constant.
 -- O'Riordan's Theorem
As the limit of (Brains x Beauty) goes to infinity,
availability goes to zero.
 -- Purmal's Corollary
%%
Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a
source of error in an opponent.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Braise the Lord! (at 325 degrees for one hour, then add veggies)
%%
brake bar: tavern near a climbing area where everyone stops after a hard day
climbing. see barometer.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
:branch to Fishkill: [IBM: from the location of one of the
   corporation's facilities] n. Any unexpected jump in a program that
   produces catastrophic or just plain weird results.  See {jump
   off into never-never land}, {hyperspace}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Brandy and water spoils two good things.
 -- Charles Lamb
%%
BRANDY, n.  A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one
part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-
grave and four parts clarified Satan.  Dose, a headful all the time.
Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes.  Only a hero
will venture to drink it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Brane Surjery Maid Simpel: Sarah Bellum
%%
Braniff ran OS/2
%%
Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several
 miles away.
 -- Sir Thomas Beecham
%%
Brassiere:  A tit-tote...
%%
Brat kid steals 360k file at 300 baud... [SIGH]
 -- Hacker circa 1985AD
%%
BRAT: Someone else's kid that behaves like your own.
%%
Brave, foolish, or both-- there is
something attractive about an
outrageous and futile undertaking.
%%
       Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot,
       He was not afraid to die, Oh Brave Sir Robin,
       He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
       Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Brave men were living before Agamemnon.
 -- Horace (65-8 BC)
 -- Odes, iv, 9, 25
%%
Brave men were living before Agamemnon.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 5
%%
Brave politician
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Brave Sir Robin ran away,
Bravely ran away,away
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave Sir Robin
Petrified of being dead
Soiled his pants then brave Sir Robin
Turned away and fled.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Brave spirits are a balsam to themselves; there is a nobleness of
mind that heals wounds beyond salves.
 -- Cartwright
%%
Brave thirst of fame his bosom warms.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Brazilification:
 The widening gulf between the rich and poor and the
accompanying disappearance of the middle classes.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
BRB: BRanch on Beaver
%%
BR: Byte and Run
%%
Bread and Circuits:
 The electronic era tendency to view party politics as corny -
no longer relevant or meaningful or useful to modern societal issues,
and in many cases dangerous.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
:bread crumbs: n. Debugging statements inserted into a program that
   emit output or log indicators of the program's {state} to a file
   so you can see where it dies or pin down the cause of surprising
   behavior. The term is probably a reference to the Hansel and Gretel
   story from the Brothers Grimm; in several variants, a character
   leaves a trail of bread crumbs so as not to get lost in the
   woods.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bread is the staff of life.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Tale of a Tub, Preface
%%
Bread that must be sliced with an ax is bread that is too nourishing.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
:break: 1. vt. To cause to be {broken} (in any sense).  "Your latest
   patch to the editor broke the paragraph commands."  2. v.  (of a
   program) To stop temporarily, so that it may debugged.  The place
   where it stops is a `breakpoint'.  3. [techspeak] vi. To send an
   RS-232 break (two character widths of line high) over a serial comm
   line.  4. [UNIX] vi. To strike whatever key currently causes the
   tty driver to send SIGINT to the current process.  Normally, break
   (sense 3), delete or {control-C} does this.  5. `break break'
   may be said to interrupt a conversation (this is an example of verb
   doubling).  This usage comes from radio communications, which in
   turn probably came from landline telegraph/teleprinter usage, as
   badly abused in the Citizen's Band craze a few years ago.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Break all the promises you want. Voters are stupid.
 -- Liberal Rule #11
%%
Break an old habit, just for the practice:
    Tomorrow, drive to work by a different route.

%%
Break a tail.  (A common show business idiom.)
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
Breakdown can occur from many causes.
%%
:break-even point: n. in the process of implementing a new computer
   language, the point at which the language is sufficiently effective
   that one can implement the language in itself.  That is, for a new
   language called, hypothetically, FOOGOL, one has reached break-even
   when one can write a demonstration compiler for FOOGOL in FOOGOL,
   discard the original implementation language, and thereafter use
   working versions of FOOGOL to develop newer ones.  This is an
   important milestone; see {MFTL}.

   [Since this entry was first written, several correspondents have
   reported that there actually was a compiler for a tiny Algol-like
   language called Foogol floating around on various {vaxen} in the
   early and mid-1980s.  The above example may not, after all, be
   hypothetical. -- ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Breakfast: a pot of coffee and a straw.
%%
BREAKFAST.COM Halted .... Cereal port not responding!
%%
Breakfast n.-first meal of the day, wheat beer'n pretzels.
%%
BREAKFAST
  The first of three major meals of the day, breakfast for the
  average person will normally consist of a small to average amount
  of food, such as a medium serving of artichoke, followed by three
  slices of cow pie and orange juice, two boxes of Corn Flakes,
  ninety-seven unpeeled bananas, fifteen rashers of bacon, nineteen
  eggs, toast, and a sesame-seed bun. There are of course some people
  in the world who are unable to enjoy breakfast. But that serves
  them right for drinking so heavily the night before.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Breaking laws to support dictators is ok.
 -- Conservative idea #7
%%
Breaking the Law: Kermit A. Krime
%%
Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...
%%
Breakpoint:
The point at which programmer increments past last bit available.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Breaks balance out. The sun don't shine on the same ol' dog's ass every
 day.
 -- Darrell Royal
%%
 Breaks my heart.   A kid that young goin' bad.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
Breakthrough ideas are not from teams.
 -- Hans von Ohain
%%
BREAKTHROUGH ............... It nearly booted on the first try
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Breakthrough:
 We finally figured out a way to sell it!
%%
Break time: Hockey season is over.
%%
Break up a relationship - buy a computer
%%
BREAK v. 1. to cause to be broken (in any sense). "Your last VMS update broke
the common data dictionary." 2. (of a program) To stop temporarily, so that
it may be examined for debugging purposes. The place where it stops
is a BREAKPOINT.
%%
Breast fed:  A female FBI agent.
%%
Breast feeding is popular now. It wasn't when I was growing up. In high
 school, my mom caught me with an inflatable sex doll. I told her, "Hey,
 you're the one who got me hooked with those plastic baby bottles."
 -- Xavier Skinner
%%
Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they
can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
Breast Self-Examination by phone:  Press 1.  Now press the other.
%%
Breast size times I.Q. is constant.
%%
:breath-of-life packet: [XEROX PARC] n. An Ethernet packet that
   contains bootstrap (see {boot}) code, periodically sent out
   from a working computer to infuse the `breath of life' into any
   computer on the network that has happened to crash.  Machines
   depending on such packets have sufficient hardware or firmware code
   to wait for (or request) such a packet during the reboot process.
   See also {dickless workstation}.

   The notional `kiss-of-death packet', with a function
   complementary to that of a breath-of-life packet, is recommended
   for dealing with hosts that consume too many network resources.
   Though `kiss-of-death packet' is usually used in jest, there is
   at least one documented instance of an Internet subnet with limited
   address-table slots in a gateway machine in which such packets were
   routinely used to compete for slots, rather like Christmas shoppers
   competing for scarce parking spaces.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
%%
Brevity and superficiality are often concomitants.
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
Brevity is not the soul of politicians.
%%
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Brevity is the soul of utter incomprehension.
%%
Brevity is the soul of wit.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Brian! Come on, let's go to the stoning.
%%
Brian Leetch: "I want some more file points!"
%%
Bribe is such a...crass word
%%
BRI: BRanch Indefinitely
%%
bricked-up windows
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Bricklayers lay all day.
%%
Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
ARTHUR:       What do you mean?  An African or European swallow?
BRIDGEKEEPER: Er ...  I don't know that ... Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!
   BRIDGEKEEPER is cast into the gorge.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your favorite colour?
GAWAIN:       Blue ...  No yelloooooww!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your favorite colour?
LAUNCELOT:    Blue.
BRIDGEKEEPER: Right.  Off you go.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
 Bridge, Kirk here.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
Bridge players do it with finesse.
%%
Bridge players try to get a rubber.
%%
Briefcase: a trial where the jury gets together
and forms a lynching party.
%%
Briefniks of the world, Unite!
%%
Brigadier, a straight line may be the shortest distance between
two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.
 -- Doctor, The Time Warrior
%%
Brigadier: [Someone just walked over my grave.]
Dr: Perhaps it was a Yeti?
 -- Mawdryn Undead
%%
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
%%
Bright as Alaska in December.
%%
Bright as an acetylene torch -- without an oxygen supply.
%%
Brighter than Cindi Lauper.  But then, what isn't?
%%
Brightest and best of the sons of the morning,
Dawn on our darkness, and lend us thine aid.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- Epiphany
%%
Bright-eyed Fancy, hov'ring o'er,
Scatters from her pictured urn
Thoughts that breathe and words that burn.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Progress of Poesy, III, 3, Line 2
%%
  Bright-eyed little boys do not catch foul balls.  Pudgy half-drunk
adults wearing baseball gloves catch foul balls.
%%
Bright-flaming, heat-full fire,
The source of motion.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Day
%%
Bring a gun!
 -- First rule of gunfighting
%%
Bring all you got.
 -- Bob Gibson
%%
Bring back DICK..At least we KNEW he was crooked!
%%
Bring back Max Headroom!
%%
Bring back REAL monster movies!
%%
Bring back the dobro to rock n roll!
%%
Bring back the Sixties.
%%
Bring back the snakes, Ireland was better off Pagan...
%%
Bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to the grave.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xlii, 38
%%
Bring home the bacon?  HECK!  I Brought the PIG!
%%
Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
 revitalize the corner saloon.
%%
Bring me a bug and I will pummel it to pieces.
%%
Bring me a live cow over to the table!!
I'll carve off what I want, and ride the rest home!
 -- Denis Leary
%%
Bring me my blue soap box. I want to make a speech.
%%
Bring me to the test,
And I the matter will re-word; which madness
Would gambol from. Mother, for love of grace,
Lay not that flattering unction to your soul.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Bring music to someone's life: donate an organ!
%%
Bring order to your life - use random numbers.
%%
Bring out the Best Foods, and bring out the best.
%%
Bring out your dead.
 -- Ian, DALEK INVASION OF EARTH
%%
Bring the hammer! There's a fly on Bob's head
%%
"Bring the little ones unto me, and I will get a good price for them."
 -- Dr. Fegg's Encyclopedia of _All_ World Knowledge
%%
Bring the whole family...but leave the kids at home!
%%
Bring to the Grocer's: R. List
%%
Bring Windows to it's knees:  Start an application.
%%
:bring X to its knees: v. To present a machine, operating system,
   piece of software, or algorithm with a load so extreme or
   {pathological} that it grinds to a halt.  "To bring a MicroVAX
   to its knees, try twenty users running {vi} -- or four running
   {EMACS}."  Compare {hog}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Britannia needs no bulwarks,
No towers along the steep;
Her march is o'er the mountain waves,
Her home is on the deep.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Ye Mariners of England
%%
Britannia waives the rules.
%%
British Airways: Breakfast in London, Lunch in NY, Luggage in Bermuda.
%%
British boobs are the best in the world.
%%
British condom makers have developed a model that glows in the dark. It can
 be recharged simply by putting it in the light of a table lamp for several
 hours. I say if a condom wants to read at night, it ought right well to
 supply it's own electricity.
%%
British Israelites:
   The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of
Britain to be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported by
Sargon of Assyria on the fall of Sumeria in 721 B.C. ... They further
believe that the future can be foretold by the measurements of the
Great Pyramid, which probably means it will be big and yellow and in
the hand of the Arabs.  They also believe that if you sleep with your
head under the pillow a fairy will come and take all your teeth.
 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Britt Ekland: She's a professional girl-friend and an amateur actress.
%%
:brittle: adj. Said of software that is functional but easily
   broken by changes in operating environment or configuration, or by
   any minor tweak to the software itself.  Also, any system that
   responds inappropriately and disastrously to abnormal but expected
   external stimuli; e.g., a file system that is usually totally
   scrambled by a power failure is said to be brittle.  This term is
   often used to describe the results of a research effort that were
   never intended to be robust, but it can be applied to commercially
   developed software, which displays the quality far more often than
   it ought to.  Oppose {robust}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BRL: BRanch and Leak
%%
Broad based upon her people's will,
And compassed by the inviolate sea.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- To the Queen
%%
Broadcast me scrambled clean,
 free me from this flesh,
 I want to be a machine...
%%
BROADCAST MESSAGE AT 4:45pm
   Brain going down...
                IMMEDIATELY.
%%
:broadcast storm: n. An incorrect packet broadcast on a network that
   causes most hosts to respond all at once, typically with wrong
   answers that start the process over again.  See {network
   meltdown}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
%%
Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by
 vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's life.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
BRO: BRanch and Overheat
%%
:brochureware: n. Planned but non-existent product like
   {vaporware}, but with the added implication that marketing is
   actively selling and promoting it (they've printed brochures).
   Brochureware is often deployed as a strategic weapon; the idea is
   to con customers into not committing to an existing product of the
   competition's.  It is a safe bet that when a brochureware product
   finally becomes real, it will be more expensive than and inferior
   to the alternatives that had been available for years.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:broken: adj. 1. Not working properly (of programs).  2. Behaving
   strangely; especially (when used of people) exhibiting extreme
   depression.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:broken arrow: [IBM] n. The error code displayed on line 25 of a
   3270 terminal (or a PC emulating a 3270) for various kinds of
   protocol violations and "unexpected" error conditions (including
   connection to a {down} computer).  On a PC, simulated with
   `->/_', with the two center characters overstruck.

   Note: to appreciate this term fully, it helps to know that `broken
   arrow' is also military jargon for an accident involving nuclear
   weapons....
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Broken guitar ... no strings attached!!!
%%
Broken Hearts repaired while you Sleep!
%%
Broken promises don't upset me.  I just think, why did they believe me?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Broken Super Stor ? .. YUK .. Gimmee broken DOS anyday.
%%
Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
 -- WindowError: 008
%%
:broket: /broh'k*t/ or /broh'ket`/ [by analogy with `bracket': a
   `broken bracket'] n. Either of the characters `<' and `>',
   when used as paired enclosing delimiters.  This word
   originated as a contraction of the phrase `broken bracket', that
   is, a bracket that is bent in the middle.  (At MIT, and apparently
   in the {Real World} as well, these are usually called {angle
   brackets}.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Brontosaurus Principle:
       Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them
in relation to their environment and to their own physiology:  when
this occurs, they are an endangered species.
 -- Thomas K. Connellan
%%
Bronze is the mirror of the form; wine, of the heart.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Frag. 384
%%
BRONZE
  The third highest medal obtainable at sporting events. Generally
  won by those athletes who go on to advertise underarm products,
  dog shampoos and toilet cleaners, rather than the more highly rated
  breakfast cereals (silver) and sneakers (gold).
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Brooklyn -- the Fertile Crescent of Civilization.
%%
Brooks Atkinson described a Schubert play as "beautiful, if you are
deaf and dumb."
%%
:Brooks's Law: prov. "Adding manpower to a late software project
   makes it later" -- a result of the fact that the expected
   advantage from splitting work among N programmers is
   O(N) (that is, proportional to N), but the complexity
   and communications cost associated with coordinating and then
   merging their work is O(N^2) (that is, proportional to the
   square of N).  The quote is from Fred Brooks, a manager of
   IBM's OS/360 project and author of "The Mythical Man-Month"
   (Addison-Wesley, 1975, ISBN 0-201-00650-2), an excellent early book
   on software engineering.  The myth in question has been most
   tersely expressed as "Programmer time is fungible" and Brooks
   established conclusively that it is not.  Hackers have never
   forgotten his advice; too often, {management} still does.  See
   also {creationism}, {second-system effect},
   {optimism}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Brother against brother!... Friend against
 friend!! DENTIST against DENTIST!!!"
 -- Things go from bad to worse in FLAMING CARROT
%%
Brother, brother! we are both in the wrong.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The Beggar's Opera, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Brother, can you spare a meg?
%%
BROTHER MAYNARD: Armaments Chapter Two Verses Nine to Twenty One.
ANOTHER MONK:    And St.  Attila raised his hand grenade up on high saying O
                 Lord bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest
                 blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy. and the Lord
                 did grin and people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and
                 carp and anchovies and orang-utans and breakfast cereals and
                 fruit bats and...
BROTHER MAYNARD: Skip a bit brother ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Brother, said Pooh, as he called for his brother.
%%
Brother, signed Pooh, in Chinese Sign Language.
%%
Brought to you by ALLGONE-REP.
%%
Brought to you by a query.
%%
Brought to you by: Committee for a Liberal-Free America.
%%
Brought to you by High-C, the beverage of Opera singers.
%%
Brought to you by Republicans Against Social Equality!
%%
Brought to you by the Mother of all Messages.
%%
Brought to you by the people who made "out of context"
a household word
%%
Brought up in this city at the feet of Gamaliel.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xxii, 3
%%
Brown gets mouldy if it is left out in the rain.
%%
Brown Knees.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Brown shoes
Don't make it
Quit School
Why fake it
Tee Vee dinner by the pool
Watch your brother grow a beard
...
Be a loyal plastic robot
For a world that doesn't care
Smile at every ugly
Shine on your shoes
And cut your hair
Be a jerk, go to work, be a jerk, go to work,
Do your job and do it right
 -- Frank Zappa, "Brown Shoes Don't Make It"
%%
Brown spots in the Desert - By Squat and Leavit
%%
Brown Spots on the Wall - By Who Flung Pooh
%%
"B-r-r-other!  What good is having a god around if
 you can't get any FUN out of it?"
 -- From George Perez's WONDER WOMAN
%%
:BRS: /B-R-S/ n. Syn. {Big Red Switch}.  This abbreviation is
   fairly common on-line.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bruce is too obsessed with the Beatles
 -- comment on report card from Spring '64
 -- Bruce Dumes Stratus Computer, Inc.
%%
Bruce Sterling, on computers replacing drugs as a medium for altering
consciousness and creating artificial realities:
"In a way, staring into a computer screen is like staring into an eclipse.
It's brilliant and you don't realize the damage until its too late."
%%
BruisBaby Bop: What Barney does in his time off?
%%
Brunette to Blonde; Look, a dead bird! Blonde looks up. Where?
%%
Brush brush brush, Floss floss floss.
%%
Brushing with hasty steps the dews away,
  To meet the sun upon the upland lawn.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 25
%%
Brutal tattoo, man. What's it stand for-Heavy metal?
 --Young Lister
%%
:brute force and ignorance: n. A popular design technique at many
   software houses -- {brute force} coding unrelieved by any
   knowledge of how problems have been previously solved in elegant
   ways.  Dogmatic adherence to design methodologies tends to
   encourage this sort of thing.  Characteristic of early {larval
   stage} programming; unfortunately, many never outgrow it.  Often
   abbreviated BFI: "Gak, they used a {bubble sort}!  That's
   strictly from BFI."  Compare {bogosity}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Brute force, clumsiness, ignorance, and superstition will always
 triumph over science, skill, knowledge, and logic.
%%
BRUTE, n.  See HUSBAND.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Brutus. Then I shall see thee again?
Ghost. Ay, at Philippi.
Brutus. Why, I will see thee at Philippi, then.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
BS (bee ess): n. An uninformed statement.
%%
BS: Behave Strangely
%%
BSC: Branch on Second Coming
%%
BSC: Burst Selector Channel
%%
BSD4.3 ... the *only* way to fly ...
%%
BSD: BackSpace Disk
%%
:BSD: /B-S-D/ n. [abbreviation for `Berkeley System Distribution'] a
   family of {{UNIX}} versions for the {DEC} {VAX} and PDP-11
   developed by Bill Joy and others at {Berzerkeley} starting
   around 1980, incorporating paged virtual memory, TCP/IP networking
   enhancements, and many other features.  The BSD versions (4.1, 4.2,
   and 4.3) and the commercial versions derived from them (SunOS,
   ULTRIX, and Mt. Xinu) held the technical lead in the UNIX world
   until AT&T's successful standardization efforts after about 1986,
   and are still widely popular.  See {{UNIX}}, {USG UNIX}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BSD: Unix with Berkeley enhancements.
LSD: Reality with Berkeley enhancements.
%%
BSI: Backup Sewer Immediately
%%
BSM: Branch and Scramble Memory
%%
BSO     Branch on Sleeping Operator
%%
BSP: BackSpace Punch
%%
BSR: Branch and Stomp Registers
%%
BSS: Branch on SunSpot
%%
BSST: BackSpace and Stretch Tape
%%
BTD: Branch on Time of Day
%%
BTD: Byte The Dust
%%
BTI: Blow Trumpet Immediately
%%
BTJ: Branch and Turn Japanese
%%
BTO: Branch To Oblivion
%%
BTW: Between The Words
%%
BTW, Bob, are you a grouchy old fart?
%%
BTW: Branch on Third Wednesday
%%
BTW, does Jesus know you flame?
 -- Diane Holt, dianeh@binky.UUCP, to Ed Carp
%%
BTW...don't drink it!
%%
BTW, FWIW, IMHO, yes. OTOH, AAMOF, maybe not.
%%
BTW, The check is in the mail. Really, it is! No, I mean it!
%%
:BUAF: // [abbreviation, from alt.fan.warlord] n. Big
   Ugly ASCII Font -- a special form of {ASCII art}.  Various
   programs exist for rendering text strings into block, bloob, and
   pseudo-script fonts in cells between four and six character cells
   on a side; this is smaller than the letters generated by older
   {banner} (sense 2) programs.  These are sometimes used to render
   one's name in a {sig block}, and are critically referred to as
   `BUAF's.  See {warlording}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:BUAG: // [abbreviation, from alt.fan.warlord] n. Big Ugly
   ASCII Graphic.  Pejorative term for ugly {ASCII ART}, especially
   as found in {sig block}s.  For some reason, mutations of the
   head of Bart Simpson are particularly common in the least
   imaginative {sig block}s. See {warlording}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bubble, Bubble..Am I too late to jump the ship ??
%%
Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence.  See also "vacuum tube".
%%
bubble memory n.
       A storage device developed by South Sea Memory Products Inc.
The chief advantage of bubbles over floppies is that they cannot be folded
by the mailman. Whether bubbles will ever replace the hard disk (which is
also beyond the bending power of most postal workers) depends on the
relative strength of the semiconductor and metallurgical lobbies.
%%
Bubbles in her think tank.
%%
Bubbles in the Bath - By Verewynn de Bottam
%%
"Bubbles in the pipe are like air in your veins"
 -- G. Jeanette McWilliams wk00196@worldlink.com
"Cogito, Ergo Zoom"
 -- Brock Yates
%%
:bubble sort: n. Techspeak for a particular sorting technique in
   which pairs of adjacent values in the list to be sorted are
   compared and interchanged if they are out of order; thus, list
   entries `bubble upward' in the list until they bump into one with a
   lower sort value.  Because it is not very good relative to other
   methods and is the one typically stumbled on by {naive} and
   untutored programmers, hackers consider it the {canonical}
   example of a naive algorithm.  The canonical example of a really
   *bad* algorithm is {bogo-sort}.  A bubble sort might be used
   out of ignorance, but any use of bogo-sort could issue only from
   brain damage or willful perversity.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BU: Branch Unexpectedly
%%
Buccaneer: The price of corn on the cob...
%%
bucket - alternate nomenclature for female deer
%%
Buckle up baby, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
%%
Buckle up back there... we're going into... Hyper Active!
%%
"Buckle up, Ted, it's the Law."
 -- Seen on a sign in Florida, outside the prison
%%
Buckweiser, the king of deer.
%%
Buddhism means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Buddhists imagine doing it.
%%
Buddy can you spare a clue?
%%
Budge doctors of the Stoic fur.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 707
%%
Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.
 -- A.A. Latimer
%%
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
%%
Budget: An orderly system of living beyond your means.
%%
Budget the luxuries first!  Lazarus Long
%%
Bud said,`Let there be lite' and there was Lite.
%%
BUDWEISER.CAN found. BOTTLE.RUM found. ...LOADED!
%%
Buffalo is not just the name of an animal.
%%
Buffer: A programmer who works in the nude.
%%
Buffer - Member of Whitehall gentlemans club. Alternatively, a place to
store data temporarily until a processor is ready for it.
%%
:buffer overflow: n. What happens when you try to stuff more data
   into a buffer (holding area) than it can handle.  This may be due
   to a mismatch in the processing rates of the producing and
   consuming processes (see {overrun} and {firehose syndrome}),
   or because the buffer is simply too small to hold all the data that
   must accumulate before a piece of it can be processed.  For example,
   in a text-processing tool that {crunch}es a line at a time, a
   short line buffer can result in {lossage} as input from a long
   line overflows the buffer and trashes data beyond it.  Good
   defensive programming would check for overflow on each character
   and stop accepting data when the buffer is full up.  The term is
   used of and by humans in a metaphorical sense.  "What time did I
   agree to meet you?  My buffer must have overflowed."  Or "If I
   answer that phone my buffer is going to overflow."  See also
   {spam}, {overrun screw}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
%%
Buffers=30 Files=20 4Th Quarter, 3rd Down and 5 On 15.
%%
bugaboos: inordinate fear of mountain insects.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Bug: An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect.
 The activity of "debugging," or removing bugs from a program, ends when
 people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.
%%
:bug-compatible: adj. Said of a design or revision that has been
   badly compromised by a requirement to be compatible with
   {fossil}s or {misfeature}s in other programs or (esp.)
   previous releases of itself. "MS-DOS 2.0 used \ as a path
   separator to be bug-compatible with some cretin's choice of / as an
   option character in 1.0."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bug-for-bug compatible: n. Same as {bug-compatible}, with the
   additional implication that much tedious effort went into ensuring
   that each (known) bug was replicated.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bug free, cheap, on time, works. Pick two.
%%
Bug free, cheap, or on time. Pick two.
%%
BUG [from telephone terminology, "bugs in a telephone cable", blamed for
noisy lines.] n. An unwanted and unintended (and undesirable) property of a
program. See FEATURE.
%%
BUGGER
  Common suffix to the word "oh". May also have some sexual
  connotations, but we're not getting into all that again.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Bugger me with a fish fork.
%%
Bugger off.
%%
:buglix: /buhg'liks/ n. Pejorative term referring to {DEC}'s ULTRIX
   operating system in its earlier *severely* buggy versions.
   Still used to describe ULTRIX, but without nearly so much venom.
   Compare {AIDX}, {HP-SUX}, {Nominal Semidestructor},
   {Telerat}, {sun-stools}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bug, n.:
      An aspect of a computer program which exists because the
programmer was thinking about Jumbo Jacks or stock options when s/he
wrote the program.

Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed.
 -- Ray Simard
%%
Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes.
%%
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
%%
Bugsbugsbugsbugsbugsbugsbugsbugsbugsbugsbugs
%%
Bugs bugs everywhere, and not a fix in sight.
%%
Bugs Bunny - A rabbit with fleas.
%%
Bugs Bunny is a Hare Brain.
%%
Bugs Bunny works for the KGB.
%%
Bugs come in through open Windows.
%%
Bugs don't happen because you do something. Bugs just are.
%%
Bugs? I just programmed undocumented features!
%%
BUGS???? I'll get them....STOMP!
%%
Bugs in the teeth.
%%
Bugs, like coat hangers, breed if unobserved.
%%
Bugs, pl. n.:
 Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
%%
BUGS
Rejects any file with the string "IBM" in it.
This is  considered to be a feature by some.
 -- dvips Manual Page
%%
Bugs 'R us!
 -- Sveinar
%%
Bugs, What BBBuuugggsss?
%%
Bugs? What bugs? //\\oo//\\ //\\@@//\\
%%
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
 -- T. John Wendel
%%
Bug: What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen
 for more than 15 minutes. Also: What computer magazine companies do to you
 after getting your name on the mailing list.
%%
Bug - when your computer tells you 2+2=TUESDAY you have a bug. See Feature.
%%
Buick           Big Ugly Import Car Killer
%%
Buick           Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
%%
Buick           Big Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer
%%
Buick:          Built Under Inspection of Cooky Korean
%%
Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. Build
 a better door and the mice can't get in anyhow.
 -- Cal Tinney
%%
Build a better mousetrap, the saying goes -- and with the brassiere,
Yankee Ingenuity did exactly that.  But their true stroke of genius was
the new bait.  The old fashioned mousetrap was loaded with cheese;
nobody cares much about cheese, except mice.  But when American
Know-How reloaded the brassiere with tits, every heterosexual male in
the country was hopelessly trapped.
 -- Alan Sherman, "The Rape of the A*P*E*"
%%
Build a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a
psychopath to your door.
%%
Build a system even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
 -- Shaw's Principle
%%
Building Bigger and Better Hangovers.
%%
Building castles in the air,
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxi
%%
Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers.
%%
Building inspectors do it under the table.
%%
Building the spirit of free enterprise.
%%
Build momentum by accumulating small successes.
%%
Build more prisons, but not near my house!!!!
%%
Build thee more stately mansions, O my soul,
As the swift seasons roll!
Leave thy low-vaulted past!
Let each new temple, nobler than the last,
Shut thee from heaven with a dome more vast,
Till thou at length art free,
Leaving thine outgrown shell by life's unresting sea!
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Chambered Nautilus
%%
Build your reputation by helping other people build theirs.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Built for comfort, not for speed.
%%
Built God a church, and laugh'd his word to scorn.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Retirement, Line 688
%%
Bulges appeared in the fabric of space-time.  Great ugly bulges.
%%
Bulldog for sale. Will eat anything. Very fond of children.
%%
Bulldozer: A person who sleeps through the Rush Limbaugh show.
%%
Bulldozer: One who sleeps through a political speech.
%%
Bulldozer: Tagline writer taking a nap.
%%
Bulletin board:
 Mechanism to allow the socially autistic to masquerade as real people
 and communicate with one another by posting clever near-random
 commentary on a remote computer.
%%
Bulletin Broads Baud Better!
%%
Bulletin -- Bulletin -- Bulletin -- Bulletin -- Bulletin -- Bulletin
This is a Bulletin -- Bulletin -- Bulletin:
The sun did not come out this morning,  Huge cracks are appearing in
the Earth's surface, and huge rocks are falling out of the sky!
Details 20 minutes from now on Action Central News, kids.
%%
:bulletproof: adj. Used of an algorithm or implementation
   considered extremely {robust}; lossage-resistant; capable of
   correctly recovering from any imaginable exception condition -- a
   rare and valued quality.  Syn. {armor-plated}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bullets don't kill people, guns don't either, the mafia does.
%%
Bullets speak louder than reason.
%%
Bulls, as cows, are udder failures.
%%
Bulls can make money and bears can make money, but hogs just get
 slaughtered.
 -- Wall Street Adage
%%
Bulls do not win bull fights; people do.
People do not win people fights; lawyers do.
 -- Augustine's Law Number X
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Bullshit Detector. When alarm sounds, please re-engage your brain.
%%
Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
%%
 Bullwinkle:  Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home.
              Watch me pull their message out of this machine!
 Rocky:       Again?
 Bullwinkle:  Nuthin' up my sleeve...  PRESTO!  (Sound of vicious
              dog barking, stops abruptly.)
 Bullwinkle:  Must have been a wrong number.
 Rocky:       Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message.
 -- Answering machine madness - miscellaneous
%%
BULLWINKLE: "You just leave that to my pal.  He's the brains of the
       outfit."
GENERAL:    "What does that make YOU?"
BULLWINKLE: "What else?  An executive..."
 -- Jay Ward
%%
Bully! Bully!
 -- Teddy Roosevelt with John Muir at Glacier Point
%%
:bum: 1. vt. To make highly efficient, either in time or space,
   often at the expense of clarity.  "I managed to bum three more
   instructions out of that code."  "I spent half the night bumming
   the interrupt code."  In {elder days}, John McCarthy (inventor
   of {LISP}) used to compare some efficiency-obsessed hackers
   among his students to "ski bums"; thus, optimization became
   "program bumming", and eventually just "bumming".  2. To
   squeeze out excess; to remove something in order to improve
   whatever it was removed from (without changing function; this
   distinguishes the process from a {featurectomy}).  3. n. A small
   change to an algorithm, program, or hardware device to make it more
   efficient.  "This hardware bum makes the jump instruction
   faster."  Usage: now uncommon, largely superseded by v. {tune}
   (and n. {tweak}, {hack}), though none of these exactly
   capture sense 2.  All these uses are rare in Commonwealth hackish,
   because in the parent dialects of English `bum' is a rude synonym
   for `buttocks'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:bump: vt. Synonym for increment.  Has the same meaning as
   C's ++ operator.  Used esp. of counter variables, pointers, and
   index dummies in `for', `while', and `do-while'
   loops.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BumspankintoesuckinpillpopinwifecheatinfingerwagginTORIES
%%
Bungee Diving - Living it up when you're going down!
%%
Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound.
%%
Bunnies and beer don't mix.
%%
Bunny Beer--made with more hops...
%%
Bunsen Burner:  A device invented by Robert Bunsen (1811-1899) for
   brewing coffee in the laboratory, thereby enabling
   the chemist to be poisoned without having to go all
   the way to the company cafeteria.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
:burble: [from Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky"] v. Like {flame},
   but connotes that the source is truly clueless and ineffectual
   (mere flamers can be competent).  A term of deep contempt.
   "There's some guy on the phone burbling about how he got a DISK
   FULL error and it's all our comm software's fault."  This
   is mainstream slang in some parts of England.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bureaucarcinoma: a terminal disease which afflicts research institutions.
Braindeath occurs when the administration staff reaches 50% of total.
%%
Bureaucat:  A kitty who sleeps on your undies.
%%
Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
%%
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost
its status.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
"Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude,
 a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary"
 -- Peter's Laws
%%
Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible.
 -- Javier Pascual Salcedo
%%
Bureaucracy is the enemy of innovation.
 -- Mark Shepherd, former President and CEO of Texas Instruments
%%
Bureaucracy rules OK
                  OK
                  OK
%%
Bureaucracy: That place always in need of a laxative.
%%
Bureaucrat: A Democrat who is holding some office that a Republican wants,
 or a Republican who is holding some office that a Democrat wants.
%%
Bureaucratic Cop-Out Number 1: You should have seen it when I got it!
 -- Marshall L. Smith
%%
Bureaucrat, n.:
       A person who cuts red tape sideways.
 -- J. McCabe
%%
Bureaucrat, n.: A politician who has tenure.
%%
Bureaucrat (n):  Waste product produced by Politicians, see feces.
%%
Bureaucrats are the meat loaf of humanity
%%
Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.
%%
Bureaucrats do not change the course of the ship of state.
They merely adjust the compass.
%%
BURGLARS do it without protection
%%
:buried treasure: n. A surprising piece of code found in some
   program.  While usually not wrong, it tends to vary from {crufty}
   to {bletcherous}, and has lain undiscovered only because it was
   functionally correct, however horrible it is.  Used sarcastically,
   because what is found is anything *but* treasure.  Buried
   treasure almost always needs to be dug up and removed.  "I just
   found that the scheduler sorts its queue using {bubble sort}!
   Buried treasure!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Burke: "They all look alike."
Samno: "What about that smell?  You know only top-of-the-line models can even
  talk--"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Burma Shave.
%%
Burn a cross = hate crime. Burn a flag = free speech. Go figure!
%%
Burn a flag for freedom.
%%
Burn daylight.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Maiden Queen, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Burned, you say? Tha's most inconvenient. A burned novel is like
  a burned dog...
Oh, shut up!!
 -- Dr Johnson and Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
Burning down the house!
%%
Burning technicians don't smell very nice...
 -- Jim Breen, Computer Communications and Networks lecture  19/03/91
%%
Burn In, Not Out.
%%
:burn-in period: n. 1. A factory test designed to catch systems
   with {marginal} components before they get out the door; the
   theory is that burn-in will protect customers by outwaiting the
   steepest part of the {bathtub curve} (see {infant
   mortality}).  2. A period of indeterminate length in which a person
   using a computer is so intensely involved in his project that he
   forgets basic needs such as food, drink, sleep, etc.  Warning:
   Excessive burn-in can lead to burn-out.  See {hack mode},
   {larval stage}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Burnt child fire dredth.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. ii
%%
Burn the buildings and hang the professors.
 -- in response to a question on how to improve American education
%%
Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
 -- Ken Weaver
%%
Burp!......(well it COULD have been worse!)
%%
BURWOOD AVENUE, HAWTHORN: Burke Road to Burwood Road, closed to through
traffic until about mid-October.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Bury Hussein in Kimchee & Limburger!
%%
"Bury me on my face," said Diogenes; and when he was asked why, he
replied, "Because in a little while everything will be turned upside
down."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
Bus drivers come early and pull out on time.
%%
Bus drivers do it in transit.
%%
Bus error -- Core dumped.
%%
Bus error -- passengers dumped.
%%
Buses turn up within seconds of your lighting a cigarette.
%%
Bush and Gorbachev decided to get themselves frozen for a hundred years to see
how the current political situation resolved itself. After the time was up
they were thawed, and started to read newspapers to catch up on the situation.

Gorbachev started to laugh. In response to Bush's question he said, "I see that
the dollar is still getting weaker."

Then Bush started to laugh. In response to Gorbachev's question of why, he
said, "I read that there is renewed fighting on the German-Chinese border."
%%
Bush has it backwards -- abortion is surgical; bombing is murder.
 -- sign at anti-war march
%%
Bushido does not mean what it sounds like.
%%
Bush:  Like Reagan without the acting ability!
%%
Bush Lite:
  Less Capital gains, More Domestic Policy.
%%
"Bush?  OK, he's experienced, but he's never going
 to be a GREAT liar. He can hardly bamboozle Dan
 Rather.  How's he going to do up against
 bloodthirsty, power-mad dictator, like Margaret
 Thatcher?"
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
BUSHPILOTS do it out of sight.........
%%
Bush/Quayle ERROR! Division by Zero encountered.
%%
Bush??? Read my tagline "Not gonna do it."
%%
Bush says "No new taxes!", Clinton says, "No, NEW taxes!"
%%
Bush's BIG mistake: Believing the Democrats.
%%
[Bush] so loves the Constitution that he overflows with ideas for
improving it.
 -- Conservative columnist George F. Will
%%
Bush.sys corrupt, recommend optimizing politics
%%
Bush: The only President to have a league named after him!
%%
[Bush] wants to know why can't he have initiatives to present to the
public.
 -- A GOP strategist, 1992
%%
Bush wears a hat so he knows which end to wipe!
%%
Bushydo--The way of the shrub. BONSAI!
%%
Busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest
%%
`Business!' cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. `Mankind was my
business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy,
forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my
trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my
business!'
 -- Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
%%
Businesses and people with goals realize that public opinion is
 important and should not be left to the public.
 -- A national fraternity's PR guide
%%
Businesses may come and go, but religion will last forever, for in no
 other endeavor does the consumer blame himself for product failure.
%%
Business ethics
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Business Graphics - Popular with managers who understand neither decimals,
   fractions, Roman numerals, nor PI but have more than a passing
   acquaintance with pies and bars.
 -- From the Government Computer News, November 21, 1988 Issue
%%
Business has only two basic functions marketing and innovation.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
Business is Business
Time is Money
Love is Bullshit
%%
Business is like oil, it won't mix with anything but business.
%%
Business is supposed to be service for a profit, at a risk. Often it simply
 comes down to simple swindling.
%%
BUSINESSMEN screw you the best they can.
%%
Business will be either better or worse.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer
point precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
Bus stop rat bag: hah, hah!   Charade you are...
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
Buster my pup...
%%
bus topology -- the scientific study of bus stops.
%%
Busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Timothy v, 13
%%
Busy Day? Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat.
%%
Busy little fingers leads to trouble...
%%
:busy-wait: vi. Used of human behavior, conveys that the subject is
   busy waiting for someone or something, intends to move instantly as
   soon as it shows up, and thus cannot do anything else at the
   moment.  "Can't talk now, I'm busy-waiting till Bill gets off the
   phone."

   Technically, `busy-wait' means to wait on an event by
   {spin}ning through a tight or timed-delay loop that polls for
   the event on each pass, as opposed to setting up an interrupt
   handler and continuing execution on another part of the task.  This
   is a wasteful technique, best avoided on time-sharing systems where
   a busy-waiting program may {hog} the processor.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
But after you have gone, I'll still have chocolate.
%%
But, alas, to make me
A fixed figure for the time of scorn
To point his slow unmoving finger
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
But all have prices,
From crowns to kicks, according to their vices.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto v, Stanza 27
%%
But all in good time.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxvi
%%
But all that ANSI on your login screens hangs my software up...
%%
But all thing which that shineth as the gold
Ne is no gold, as I have herd it told.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Chanones Yemannes Tale, Line 16430
%%
But all was false and hollow; though his tongue
Dropp'd manna, and could make the worse appear
The better reason,
Maturest counsels.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 112
%%
"But a machine that was powerful enough to accelerate particles to the grand
unification energy would have to be as big as the Solar System -- and would
be unlikely to be funded in the present economic climate."
 -- Stephen Hawking "A Brief History of Time"
%%
        ... But among the children of the Great Society there were
those whose skins were black.  And lo!  Their portion was niggardly,
and of the fatted calf they were sucking hind teat ...
      Now it came to pass that a prophet rose up amongst them, and
they called him King.  And he went unto Pharaoh and said, "Let my
people go to the front of the bus."
  But Pharaoh answered: "In the fullness of time and with all
deliberate speed shall this thing come to pass.  When ye shall prove
yourselves worthy, shall ye have your just portion -- yea, verily, like
unto a snowball in Hell."
 -- "The Begatting of a President"
%%
But an old age serene and bright, And lovely as a Lapland night,
Shall lead thee to thy grave.
 -- Wordsworth
%%
But are you not, he said, a more fiendish disputant than the Great
 Hyperlobic Omni-Cognate Neutron Wrangler of Ciceronicus Twelve, the Magic
 and Indefatigable?

The Great Hyperlobic Omni-Cognate Neutron Wrangler, said Deep Thought,
 thoroughly rolling the r's, could talk all four legs off an Arcturan
 Mega-Donkey -- but only I could persuade it to go for a walk afterward.
 -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
But Aristarchus of Samos brought out a book consisting of certain
hypotheses, in which the premises lead to the conclusion that the
universe is many times greater than that now so called.  His hypotheses
are that the fixed stars and the sun remain motionless, that the earth
revolves about the sun in the circumference of a circle, the sun lying
in the middle of the orbit, and that the sphere of the fixed stars,
situated about the same center as the sun, is so great that the circle
in which he supposes the earth to revolve bears such a proportion
to the distance of the fixed stars as the center of the sphere bears
to its surface.
 -- Archimedes, The Sand-Reckoner, Third Century B.C.
%%
But as he knew no bad language, he had called him all the names of common
 objects that he could think of, and had screamed: "You lamp!  You towel!  You
 plate!" and so on.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
But a short time elapsed after the death of the great reformer of the
Jewish religion, before his principles were departed from by those who
professed to be his special servants, and perverted into an engine for
enslaving mankind, and aggrandizing t heir oppressors in Church and
State.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, [letter?] To S. Kercheval, 1810
%%
But as some muskets so contrive it
As oft to miss the mark they drive at,
And though well aimed at duck or plover,
Bear wide, and kick their owners over.
 -- John Trumbull (1750-1831)
 -- McFingal, Canto i, Line 93
%%
But as when an authentic watch is shown,
Each man winds up and rectifies his own,
So in our very judgments.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- Aglaura, Epilogue
%%
"But as you all know, and as fate would have it, I didn't die.
I landed on the top of a police car. And he died. ... You gotta sing
it with that kind of enthusiasm.  Like you just squashed a cop..."
 -- Arlo Guthrie
%%
But at least one must be lived ... and died.
%%
But Beeblebrox you know, he is one of my most profitable clients.  He has
personality problems beyond the dreams of analysts.

Vell, Zaphod's just zis guy, you know?
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
But be not afraid of greatness: some are born great,
some achieve greatness, and some have greatness
thrust upon 'em.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
But better die than live mechanically a life that is a repetition
of repetitions.
 -- D. H. Lawrence
%%
But, boss, this IS part of my job!
%%
But..but... I WAS on topic--for another conference, sure, but...
%%
"But Calvin is no kind and loving god!  He's one of
the _old_ gods!  He demands sacrifice!"
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
But Captain--the engines can't take this much longer!
%%
Butchers have better meat.
%%
But, children, you should never let
  Such angry passions rise;
Your little hands were never made
  To tear each other's eyes.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song xvi
%%
But Chrysippus, Posidonius, Zeno, and Boethus say, that all things
are produced by fate. And fate is a connected cause of existing things,
or the reason according to which the world is regulated.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Zeno, lxxiv
%%
But Cristes lore, and his apostles twelve,
He taught; but first he folwed it himselve.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 529
%%
But crushing truths perish from being acknowledged.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
 -- The Myth of Sisyphus (1955)
%%
But, did you see that with your eyes open?
%%
But does Bo know double diamonds?
%%
"But don't take my word for it.  Let's ask an actor playing Charles Darwin
what he thinks!"
 -- The Simpsons
%%
But don't tell my Borg, my Achy breaky Borg.
%%
But don't you see, the color of wine in a crystal glass can be spiritual.
The look in a face, the music of a violin.  A Paris theater can be infused
with the spiritual for all its solidity.
 -- Lestat, _The Vampire Lestat_, Anne Rice
%%
But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations
paws.
%%
But earthlier happy is the rose distill'd
Than that which withering on the virgin thorn
Grows, lives, and dies in single blessedness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
"But even though they probably certainly know that you probably
 wouldn't, they don't certainly know that although you probably wouldn't
 there's no probability that you certainly would."
 -- Sir Humphrey Appleby on nuclear deterrence
%%
... but everyone knew her as Nancy.
%%
But evil is wrought by want of thought,
As well as want of heart.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Lady's Dream
%%
But Faith, fanatic Faith, once wedded fast
To some dear falsehood, hugs it to the last.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Lalla Rookh, The Veiled Prophet of Khorassan
%%
 ... But far in the distance, on the edge of the earth, a small flame
was waving in the wind, the defiantly stubborn flame of Wyatt's Torch,
twisting, being torn and regaining its hold, not to be uprooted or
extinguished.  It seemed to be calling and waiting for the words John
Galt was now to pronounce.  'The road is cleared,' said Galt.  'We are
going back to the world.'
     He raised his hand, and over the desolate earth he traced in space
the sign of the dollar.
%%
But felt through all this fleshly dress
Bright shoots of everlastingness.
 -- Henry Vaughan (1621-1695)
 -- The Retreat
%%
But first, are you experienced?
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
But flies an eagle flight, bold and forth on,
Leaving no tract behind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
But for the Grace of God goes Danny.
%%
But for the unquiet heart and brain
  A use in measured language lies;
  The sad mechanic exercise
Like dull narcotics numbing pain.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, v, Stanza 2
%%
But for your words, they rob the Hybla bees,
And leave them honeyless.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
But from the hoop's bewitching round,
Her very shoe has power to wound.
 -- Edward Moore (1712-1757)
 -- The Spider and the Bee, Fable x
%%
...but glittering prizes and endless compromises shatter the illusion
 of integrity.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
But God TOLD me to use a GOTO.
%%
But God, who is able to prevail, wrestled with him; marked him for his own.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- Life of Donne
%%
But happily to most of us the great brown slabs bening over into space, the
lines and curves of the wind-moulded cornice, the delicate undulations of the
fissured snow, are old and trusted friends, ever luring us to health and fun
and laughter, and enabling us to bid a sturdy defiance to all the ills that
time and life oppose.
 -- A. F. Mummery
%%
But he lay like a warrior taking his rest,
  With his martial cloak around him.
 -- Charles Wolfe (1791-1823)
 -- The Burial of Sir John Moore
%%
But, he's MUCH cuter when he pouts.
%%
But he whose inborn worth his acts commend,
Of gentle soul, to human race a friend.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xix, Line 383
%%
But Honey, I need TWO 486's!
%%
But honey, I wouldn't be up so late on a faster machine!
%%
But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car.
%%
But Honey, you NEED VGA for Dbase management!
%%
But Hope, the charmer, linger'd still behind.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part i, Line 40
%%
But how carve way i' the life that lies before,
If bent on groaning ever for the past?
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Balaustion's Adventure
%%
But how is this legal plunder to be identified? Quite simply. See
if the law takes from some persons what belongs to them, and gives
it to other persons to whom it does not belong. See if the law benefits
one citizen at the expense of another by doing what the citizen himself
cannot do without committing a crime.
 -- Frederic Bastiat, The Law
%%
"But Huey, you PROMISED!"
"Tell 'em I lied."
%%
But hush! hark! a deep sound strikes like a rising knell!
Did ye not hear it?--No! 't was but the wind,
Or the car rattling o'er the stony street.
On with the dance! let joy be unconfined;
No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet
To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 22
%%
But I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
But I am here!   I am Dune!
 -- Noah, ARK IN SPACE
%%
But I be a cat, and no cat anywhere ever gave anyone a straight answer.
%%
BUTI: Blow Up Terminal Immediately
%%
"But I can't excuse that FLASH GORDON review.  That
 was the *dumbest* movie ever made."
 -- A fan of Baron's who can't excuse just *one* little thing
%%
But I did read the docs!  I just didn't understand them.
%%
But I DID read the manual...
%%
But I did read the msgs,...I just don't understand them.
%%
But I don't have an "any key" on my computer!
%%
But I don't like Spam!
%%
But I don't like the cat. Shut up and eat your dinner!
%%
"But I'd rather eat Johnson!"
 -- Monty Python
%%
But if a man happens to find himself ... he has a mansion which he
can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.
%%
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads --
makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing
whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a
finite or an infinite number.
 -- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
%%
But I got out of my uniform for you Data.
 -- Yar, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
"But I guess I'm just stating the very obvious
 (shutup, Penny, shutup!)."
 -- Penny Priddy in "Buckaroo Banzai"
%%
"But I guess nobody gets to live happily ever after anymore, do they?"
 -- Abby in SWAMP THING
%%
But I have seen the science I worshiped and the airplane I loved
destroying the civilization I expected them to serve.
 -- Charles A. Lindbergh, Jr.
%%
But I have sinuous shells of pearly hue
Within, and they that lustre have imbibed
In the sun's palace-porch, where when unyoked
His chariot-wheel stands midway in the wave:
Shake one, and it awakens; then apply
Its polisht lips to your attentive ear,
And it remembers its august abodes,
And murmurs as the ocean murmurs there.
 -- Walter Savage Landor (1775-1864)
 -- Gebir, Book i, (1798)
%%
But I have that within which passeth show;
These but the trappings and the suits of woe.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
But, I just want to say, over the years, I have come to regard you
as...people I met.
 -- Rimmer, making his goodbyes in Red Dwarf 'Holoship'
%%
"But in calling Moriarty a criminal you are
uttering libel in the eyes of the law, and
there lies the glory and the wonder of it.
The greatest schemer of all time, the
organizer of every devilry, the controlling
brain of the underworld.... That's the man."
 -- Sherlock Holmes, "The Final Problem"
%%
But in deede,
A friend is never knowne till a man have neede.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
But in modern war...you will die like a dog for no good reason.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
 system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
 analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
 -- Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers"
%%
But in the gross and scope of my opinion,
This bodes some strange eruption to our state.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
But in the way of bargain, mark ye me,
I 'll cavil on the ninth part of a hair.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
But in vayne shee did conjure him
  To depart her presence soe;
Having a thousand tongues to allure him,
  And but one to bid him goe.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Dulcina
%%
But I received the operational signal again!
%%
But is not an event in fact more significant and noteworthy
the greater the number of fortuities necessary to bring it about?
Chance alone has a message for us....We read its message much as
gypsies read the images made by coffee grounds.
 -- Kundera
%%
"But isn't there some other way to call him?"
  "At least a dozen."
"Then WHY?"
  "To let them know, Merkel, to let EVERYONE know.  Hit it."
 -- Commissioner Gordon talks about re-lighting the Bat-Signal
 -- from Miller's DARK KNIGHT
%%
But is such a thing fit to be discovered to the people?
shall I do such an unworthy Act?  Ah! my pen falls out of my
hand.  Yet my desire to help posterity, overcomes; for perhaps
from this gleaning as it were, greater and more admirable
inventions may be produced.
 -- Giambattista Della Porta, Natural Magick
%%
But it's a sad reminder when your organ grinder has to come to you for the
 rent, and all you've got to give him is the use of your sideshow tent.
 -- Mark Knopfler
%%
But it's not against any religion / To want to dispose of a pigeon
%%
But it's only a flesh wound.
%%
But it's real. And if it's real it can be affected...
%%
But it's real.  And if it's real it can be affected...
  we may not be able to break it, but, I'll bet you
  credits to Navy Beans we can put a dent in it.
 -- deSalle, "Catspaw," stardate 3018.2.
%%
But it's so easy to confuse YOU.
%%
But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lv, 15
%%
But I !!WANT!! the two in the bush...
%%
But I warn you, if you get hurt, I'll put you on report, Captain.
 -- Riker,  "Code of Honor", stardate 41235.25
%%
But I was going to go into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!
 -- Luke Skywalker to his Uncle (Star Wars)
%%
But I was just getting interested!
%%
But John P.
Robinson, he
Sez they did n't know everythin' down in Judee.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. iii
%%
But John, when the Pirates of the Carribbean breaks down, the pirates don't
eat the tourists.
 -- Ian Malcolm, _Jurassic Park_
%%
But Knowledge to their eyes her ample page,
  Rich with the spoils of time, did ne'er unroll;
Chill penury repress'd their noble rage,
  And froze the genial current of the soul.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 13
%%
Butler: A solemn procession of one.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
But let a lord once own the happy lines,
How the wit brightens! how the style refines!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 220
%%
But life is sweet, though all that makes it sweet
Lessen like sound of friends' departing feet;
And Death is beautiful as feet of friend
Coming with welcome at our journey's end.
For me Fate gave, whate'er she else denied,
A nature sloping to the southern side;
I thank her for it, though when clouds arise
Such natures double-darken gloomy skies.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- To George William Curtis
%%
"But like the Good Book says... There's BIGGER DEALS to come!"
 -- Firesign Theatre, Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers
%%
But love is blind, and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
But Ma, Johnny has all of his doors registered!
%%
But man, proud man,
Drest in a little brief authority,
Most ignorant of what he 's most assured,
His glassy essence, like an angry ape,
Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven
As make the angels weep.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
But Memory blushes at the sneer,
  And Honor turns with frown defiant,
And Freedom, leaning on her spear,
  Laughs louder than the laughing giant.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- A Good Time going
%%
But mice and rats, and such small deer,
Have been Tom's food for seven long year.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
But 'midst the crowd, the hum, the shock of men,
To hear, to see, to feel, and to possess,
And roam along, the world's tired denizen,
With none who bless us, none whom we can bless.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 26
%%
But MOM, it 'really' WAS a virus!
%%
But Mom, you NEED 1024x768x256 for word proccessing!
%%
But, my dearest Agathon, it is truth which you cannot contradict; you can
without any difficulty contradict Socrates.
 -- Plato
 -- Symposium
%%
But my dear man, reality is only a Rorschach ink-blot, you know.
 -- Alan Watts
%%
But my dreams they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be.
%%
But my little voice TOLD me to do it!
%%
But my lord! I've been in your family since 1532!
...So has syphilis. Now get out.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Beer
%%
  But 'neath yon crimson tree
Lover to listening maid might breathe his flame,
Nor mark, within its roseate canopy,
  Her blush of maiden shame.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- Autumn Woods
%%
But ne'er the rose without the thorn.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- The Rose
%%
But now I am cabin'd, cribb'd, confined, bound in
To saucy doubts and fears.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
"But now I am what I am today!  A responsible
 citizen, and besides that... I packs a rod!"
 -- BULLET CROW discusses gun control
%%
"But now it's time to say good-bye.  Please get off my property until next
year.  I suggest you don't dawdle - the hounds will be released in ten
minutes."
 -- Mr. Burns in "There's No Disgrace Like Home", from The Simpsons
%%
But now my task is smoothly done,
I can fly, or I can run.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 1012
%%
But oars alone can ne'er prevail
  To reach the distant coast;
The breath of heaven must swell the sail,
  Or all the toil is lost.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Human Frailty
%%
But of course, it *is* only my opinion.
%%
But, officer, I only had two beers.
%%
But, Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was
green!
%%
But, officer, I was doing the speed limit!  In hexadecimal!
%%
But, officer, I was only going 10 MIPS!
%%
But, officer, I was only going ONE way!
%%
But, officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
%%
But, officer, the stop sign was green when I went through it.
%%
But, Officer the Tree didn't give way to the Right..
%%
But oftentimes celestial benedictions
  Assume this dark disguise.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Resignation
%%
But oh! as to embrace me she inclin'd,
I wak'd, she fled, and day brought back my night.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- On his Deceased Wife
%%
But, oh! fell death's untimely frost
  That nipt my flower sae early.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Highland Mary
%%
But oh for the touch of a vanish'd hand,
  And the sound of a voice that is still!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Break, break, break
%%
But oh the heavy change, now thou art gone,
Now thou art gone and never must return!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 37
%%
But oh, the perils of leadership in a species so anxious to
 be told what to do. How little they know of what they create by
 their demands. Leaders make mistakes. And these mistakes,
 amplified by the numbers who follow without questioning, move
 inevitably towards great disaster.
%%
But, oh ye lords of ladies intellectual,
Inform us truly,--have they not henpeck'd you all?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 22
%%
But on and up, where Nature's heart
  Beats strong amid the hills.
 -- Richard Monckton Milnes (Lord Houghton) (1809-1885)
 -- Tragedy of the Lac de Gaube, Stanza 2
%%
But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part which
shall not be taken away from her.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke x, 42
%%
"But only the wind picked him up, and blew him away into the Arizona skies.
 And, I hope, to a better place.

"Rio, maybe."
  "MR. JONES!"
"Well, I didn't want to sound too maudlin."
 -- Rick Jones from the same issue of THE HULK
%%
But optics sharp it needs, I ween,
To see what is not to be seen.
 -- John Trumbull (1750-1831)
 -- McFingal, Canto i, Line 67
%%
But, O Sarah ! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen
around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest
days and the darkest nights...always, always, and if there be a soft
breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans
you throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.  Sarah, do not
mourn me dead: think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet
again.
 -- Major Sullivan Ballou, Union Army,
       from a letter to his wife.
%%
But our culture is in truly bad shape if we have come to define respecting
something as the failure to set it on fire.
 -- Barbara Ehrenreich (regarding flag burning)
%%
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o'er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
But pleasures are like poppies spread,
You seize the flower, its bloom is shed;
Or, like the snow-fall in the river,
A moment white, then melts forever.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
But quiet to quick bosoms is a hell.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 42
%%
But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to
thee, to speak these words?  Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the
wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
 -- 2 Kings 18:27 (KJV)
%%
 ... But reach the thought that it requires -- and the secret of the
motor will be yours, as well as ... any other secret you might wish
to know.
 -- John Galt
%%
But really, it was EXACTLY the same as before...
%%
But sad as angels for the good man's sin,
Weep to record, and blush to give it in.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 357
%%
But Santa, Naughty IS Nice!
%%
But say my verses do not scan,
     And I get me another man!
%%
But scientists, who ought to know
Assure us that it must be so.
Oh, let us never, never doubt
What nobody is sure about.
 -- Hilaire Belloc, "The Microbe"
%%
But Shadwell never deviates into sense.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Mac Flecknoe, Line 20
%%
But Shakespeare's magic could not copied be;
Within that circle none durst walk but he.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Tempest, Prologue
%%
But she looked good in ribbons...
%%
But she sure looks fine after a bottle of wine.
%%
But since he had
The genius to be loved, why let him have
The justice to be honoured in his grave.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Crowned and buried, xxvii
%%
But *sir*, the odds of surviving a direct assault on an Imperial
Stardestroyer--
SHUT UP!
 -- C3P0 to Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
"But, sir, the people themselves have it in their power effectually
to resist usurpation, without being driven to an appeal of arms.
An act of usurpation is not obligatory; it is not law; and any man
may be justified in his resistance.  Let him be considered as a criminal
by the general government, yet only his fellow-citizens can convict him;
they are his jury, and if they pronounce him innocent, not all the powers
of Congress can hurt him; and innocent they certainly will pronounce him,
if the supposed law he resisted was an act of usurpation."
 -- Theophilus Parsons, in the Massachusetts Convention
 -- on the ratification of the U.S.  Constitution
 -- [Jonathan Elliot, ed., "The Debates of the Several State Conventions
 -- on the Adoption of the Federal Constitution",
 -- (New York, Burt Franklin:  1888), 2:94 ]
%%
But so fair,
She takes the breath of men away
Who gaze upon her unaware.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Bianca among the Nightingales, xii
%%
But, soft! methinks I scent the morning air;
Brief let me be. Sleeping within my orchard,
My custom always of the afternoon.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws,
But get thee to a nunnery -- go!
 -- Mark "The Bard" Twain
%%
But some emotions don't make a lot of noise.  It's hard to hear pride.
Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat.  And pure love - why, some
days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
But soon, soon, soon... the world will be a better place, with meadows
and bunnies and fiber optics in every home...
 -- Tom Dowdy, Apple Computer
%%
But sorrow return'd with the dawning of morn,
And the voice in my dreaming ear melted away.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- The Soldier's Dream
%%
But, spite of all the criticising elves,
Those who would make us feel--must feel themselves.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764)
 -- The Rosciad, Line 961
%%
But strive still to be a man before your mother.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Connoisseur, Motto of No. iii
%%
   "But... surely, your merciful Holiness...
    SOME should be exempt from such a draft?"
"EXEMPT?!
 ...
 Oh, all *right*. No DEAD people."
 -- Cerebus
%%
But sure the eye of time beholds no name
So blest as thine in all the rolls of fame.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 591
%%
"Butter becomes weightless?.... Raymond Burr must be in orbit by now."
 -- Holy Melodrama -- it's Bat-Bat!, (From Bakshi's MIGHTY MOUSE series)
%%
Butterfliers are free
%%
"...but that is another story. As far as we knew, we were
living happily everafter."
 -- Royal Robbins
%%
"... but that's not important, that's just numbers."
 -- Dr. Wu,  Math Professor
%%
But that's not the point!  The point is that I am now a perfectly safe
penguin, and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs!
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
"But that's the way of *all* flesh, ennit?"
 -- John Constantine, boy psychic investigator
%%
But that's what being an artist is -- feeling crummy before everyone else
feels crummy.
 -- The New Yorker
%%
But that two-handed engine at the door
Stands ready to smite once, and smite no more.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 130
%%
Butthead : Men who feel... themselves (ha.ha.huh).
%%
.......but the breadboard worked
 -- Anonymous Customer
%%
But the chances are that you will get nowhere with your spy scare. You have to
have a bigger territory to work in. That's one of the advantages of being a
government instead of just a private liar.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
But the cow CHIP is organic....
%%
But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that
 all who are laughed at are geniuses.  They laughed at Columbus, they
 laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers.  But they also
 laughed at Bozo the Clown.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head see the world spinning 'round
%%
But the greatest of all reformers of the depraved religion of his own
country was Jesus of Nazareth.  Abstracting what is really his from the
rubbish in which it is buried, easily distinguished by its lustre from the
dross of his biographers, and as separable as the diamond from the
dunghill, we have the outlines of a system of the most sublime morality
which has ever fallen from the lips of man; outlines which it is
lamentable he did not live to fill up...  The establishment of the
innocent and genuine character of this benevolent moralist, and the
rescuing it from the imputation of imposture, which has resulted from
artificial systems*, invented by ultra-Christian sects, unauthorized by a
single word ever uttered by him, is a most desirable object...
 *eg.  The immaculate conception of Jesus, his deification, the creation 
of the world by him, his miraculous powers, his resurrection and visible
ascension, his corporeal presence in the Eucharist, the Trinity; original
sin, atonement, regeneration, election, orders of Hierarchy, etc.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to William Short, October 31 (Halloween), 1819
%%
But the idols of the Market Place are the most troublesome of all: idols
which have crept into the understanding through their alliances with words
and names. For men believe that their reason governs words. But words turn
and twist the understanding. This it is that has rendered philosophy and
the sciences inactive. Words are mostly cut to the common fashion and draw
the distinctions which are most obvious to the common understanding.
Whenever an understanding of greater acuteness or more diligent observation
would alter those lines to suit the true distinctions of nature, words
complain.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
But the jingling of the guinea helps the hurt that Honour feels.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 105
%%
but the kind of man that the country turns out.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
But then - a baby is not an adult, either.
%%
But then again, Holland is a country where you buy your marihuana at a
coffee-shop, your porn mags & video's at a petrol-station and hamburgers at
an electronics store, so whadja want?
 -- Ralph 'Hairy' Moonen, AT&T, Holland(?)
%%
But then again, I like cold toilet seats.
%%
"But then a new problem came up: the Jupiter probe, Galileo, was going to
 use a power supply that runs on heat generated by radioactivity. If the
 shuttle carrying Galileo failed, radioactivity could be spread over a
 large area."
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988),
 -- "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
But then her face, So lovely, yet so arch, so full of mirth,
the overflowings of an innocent heart.
 -- Rogers
%%
But then I saw her face, now I'm a believer.
 -- The Monkeys
%%
But the only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to
venture a little way past them into the impossible.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke (1917-)
 -- Profiles of the Future (1962; rev. 1973)
 -- "Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination"
%%
 ... But the pain remained -- and a helpless wonder.  The thing he
saw was so much more real than the reality of paper, office and
commission.  He could not understand what made others blind to it,
and what made their indifference possible.  He looked at the paper
before him.  He wondered why ineptitude should exist and have its
say.  He had never known that.  And the reality which permitted it
could never become quite real to him.
%%
But the palindrome of Bolton is Notlob..it doesn't work, does it?
 -- Monty Python
%%
But there are no old, bold pilots.
%%
But there are wanderers o'er Eternity
Whose bark drives on and on, and anchor'd ne'er shall be.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 70
%%
But there 's nothing half so sweet in life
  As love's young dream.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Love's Young Dream
%%
... But the reward of a successful collaboration is a thing that cannot
be produced by either of the parties working alone.  It is akin to the
benefits of sex with a partner, as opposed to masturbation.  The latter
is fun, but you show me anyone who has gotten a baby from playing with
him or herself, and I'll show you an ugly baby, with just a whole bunch
of knuckles.
 -- Harlan Ellison
%%
But the sound of the church-going bell
  These valleys and rocks never heard;
Ne'er sigh'd at the sound of a knell,
  Or smiled when a Sabbath appear'd.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Verses supposed to be written by Alexander Selkirk
%%
But the sunshine aye shall light the sky,
  As round and round we run;
And the truth shall ever come uppermost,
  And justice shall be done.
 -- Charles Mackay (1814-1889)
 -- Eternal Justice, Stanza 4
%%
But the tender grace of a day that is dead
  Will never come back to me.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Break, break, break
%%
But the trail of the serpent is over them all.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Paradise and the Peri
%%
But the TREK echo is about business travel, boss.
%%
But they that are above
Have ends in everything.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Maid's Tragedy, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
But thinks, admitted to that equal sky,
His faithful dog shall bear him company.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 111
%%
But this denoted a foregone conclusion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
But this has taken us far afield from interface, which is not a bad
place to be, since I particularly want to move ahead to the kludge.
Why do people have so much trouble understanding the kludge?  What is a
kludge, after all, but not enough Ks, not enough ROMs, not enough RAMs,
poor quality interface and too few bytes to go around?  Have I
explained yet about the bytes?
%%
But this is my sister's bike!
%%
But this is the simplified version for the general
public!
%%
But this one goes to eleven.
 -- Nigel Tufnel
%%
But thousands die without or this or that,--
Die, and endow a college or a cat.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 95
%%
But thy eternal summer shall not fade.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet xviii
%%
But Titus said, with his uncommon sense,
When the Exclusion Bill was in suspense:
"I hear a lion in the lobby roar;
Say, Mr. Speaker, shall we shut the door
And keep him there, or shall we let him in
To try if we can turn him out again?"
 -- James Bramston (-1744)
 -- Art of Politics
%%
BUTTman: Sure would like to give him a swift kick in his!
%%
But to my mind, though I am native here
And to the manner born, it is a custom
More honoured in the breach than the observance.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
But to see her was to love her,
Love but her, and love forever.
For nature made her what she is,
and ne'er made sic anither!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Ae Fond Kiss
%%
But to the hero, when his sword
  Has won the battle for the free,
Thy voice sounds like a prophet's word;
And in its hollow tones are heard
  The thanks of millions yet to be.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Marco Bozzaris
%%
But touch me, and no minister so sore;
Whoe'er offends at some unlucky time
Slides into verse, and hitches in a rhyme,
Sacred to ridicule his whole life long,
And the sad burden of some merry song.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Satire i, Book ii, Line 76
%%
buttress: outer garment specially designed for a woman with a large posterior.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
But 't was a maxim he had often tried,
That right was right, and there he would abide.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- Tale xv, The Squire and the Priest
%%
"...But until you get your eyes checked by the Eerie school nurse, you
 ain't seen nothing yet."
 -- Marshall, "Just Say No Fun", Eerie Indiana
%%
But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise
with healing in his wings.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Malachi iv, 2
%%
But wait, there's more!  If you order by midnight tonight,
 we'll throw in a matching set of steak knives absolutely free!!
 ... Now how much would you pay?
%%
But war 's a game which were their subjects wise
Kings would not play at.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book v, The Winter Morning Walk, Line 187
%%
But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"But we'll never survive!"  "Nonsense.  You're only saying that because
 no one ever has."
%%
But we're still heading for the biggest bang in history.
 -- Sarah Jane Smith, REVENGE OF THE CYBERMEN
%%
... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
 -- Virginia Masters
%%
But we, who name ourselves its sovereigns, we,
Half dust, half deity, alike unfit
To sink or soar.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Manfred, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
          But what am I?
  An infant crying in the night:
  An infant crying for the light,
And with no language but a cry.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, liv, Stanza 5
%%
But what does piercing your nipple have to do with driving your VW?
%%
... but what has been said once can always be repeated.
 -- Zeno of Elia
%%
But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?
%%
But what is woman? -- only one of Nature's more agreeable blunders.
 -- Hannah Cowley (1743-1809)
%%
But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and
each moment is a day, and the race a life.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book i, Chap. ii
%%
But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable computers?
%%
... But when he [the people's champion] has disposed of foreign
enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them,
then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the
people may require a leader.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic"
%%
But when ill indeed,
E'en dismissing the doctor don't always succeed.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- Lodgings for Single Gentlemen
%%
    But when I said that nothing had been done I erred in one important
matter.  We had definitely committed ourselves and were halfway out of
our ruts.  We had put down our passage money--booked a sailing to
Bombay.  This may sound too simple, but is great in consequence.  Until
one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always
ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation),
there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless
ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits
oneself, the providence moves too.  A whole stream of events issues
from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen
incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have
dreamt would have come his way.  I have learned a deep respect for one
of Goethe's couplets:
    Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
    Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
But when I tell him he hates flatterers,
He says he does, being then most flattered.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
But when shall spring visit the mouldering urn?
Oh when shall it dawn on the night of the grave?
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Hermit
%%
But when the first shot hit the dock, I started runnin'
%%
But when the sun in all his state
  Illumed the eastern skies,
She passed through Glory's morning-gate,
  And walked in Paradise.
 -- James Aldrich (1810-1856)
 -- A Death-Bed
%%
But where do all the calculators go? -- Kryten
%%
But where's the disposable crewman?
%%
But whether there's some grand design really matters little to me. My only
hope was this: to see what might be, to believe that it should be, and then to
do all I could to bring it to pass, whatever the cost. When a life spins out
as joyfully as mine has done, then the price, once paid so painfully, is now
recalled in gladness. I have received full value. Here among the shepherds, my
cup is filled with the water of life; it overflows.
 -- Orson Scott Card, "Treason"
%%
But which one is the fatherboard?
%%
But whither am I strayed? I need not raise
Trophies to thee from other men's dispraise;
Nor is thy fame on lesser ruins built;
Nor needs thy juster title the foul guilt
Of Eastern kings, who, to secure their reign,
Must have their brothers, sons, and kindred slain.
 -- Sir John Denham (1615-1668)
 -- On Mr. John Fletcher's Works
%%
But who can paint
Like Nature? Can imagination boast,
Amid its gay creation, hues like hers?
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Spring, Line 465
%%
But who is this, what thing of sea or land,--
Female of sex it seems,--
That so bedeck'd, ornate, and gay,
Comes this way sailing
Like a stately ship
Of Tarsus, bound for th' isles
Of Javan or Gadire,
With all her bravery on, and tackle trim,
Sails fill'd, and streamers waving,
Courted by all the winds that hold them play,
An amber scent of odorous perfume
Her harbinger?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 710
%%
But why do I need a gun license? It's only for use around the house.
 -- Charles Addams
%%
But wild Ambition loves to slide, not stand,
And Fortune's ice prefers to Virtue's land.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 198
%%
But Windows bashing is my job...my only job.
%%
But words are things, and a small drop of ink,
  Falling like dew upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 88
%%
But yesterday the word of Caesar might
Have stood against the world; now lies he there,
And none so poor to do him reverence.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
But yet the pity of it, Iago! O Iago, the pity of it, Iago!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Butyl:   An unpleasant-sounding word denoting an unpleasant-
   smelling alcohol.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
But yonder comes the powerful king of day,
Rejoicing in the east.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 81
%%
But you can't let her drive!  She's legally blonde!
%%
But you don't have to pray to a little tin god...
%%
"But you don't UNDERSTAND. I've been doing this for years now.  There's a
 flash of light.  And I'm on another planet."
  "Yeah... Yeah, I
   sometimes get that."
 -- Adam Strange attempts to explain his lifestyle,
               in SWAMP THING
%%
But you misunderstand, I am the MASTER....
%%
"But your creed, your ethos... it was one of your most appealing features."
  "You know, Larry, sometimes I say things... and afterwards, I can't
   remember saying them."
 -- The Yak and The Badger debate philosophy
%%
But you're still of the same nature.
%%
.......but your salesman said...........
 -- Anonymous Customer
%%
But you shall not escape my iambics.
%%
But you thaid is was a pith helmet!
%%
Buy a goldfish bowl and fill it up.  Stick your head in it for practice.
The goldfish are optional.
 -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Buy a HST and keep Ma Bell in business!
%%
Buy a IBM. It can do SOMETHING right.
%%
Buy a kid a $50 toy, and he'll play with the box.
%%
Buy a Mac. It can do SOMETHING right.
%%
Buy!  Amdahl Stock to go up 100 points next week.
%%
Buy American the job you save may be your own
%%
BUY AMERICAN! (This tagline made in Japan)
%%
Buy American, where?
%%
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
%%
Buy a self-help guide for recovering worshipers.
%%
Buy BUY$$$$$$
%%
Buying cigarettes becomes an interview now. I said to the salesgirl in back
 of the counter, "I'd like a carton of cigarettes." She said, "There are so
 many brands, what would you like?" I said, "Give me a carton of Brand X,
 they're not doing too good." She said, "Soft pack or the crush-proof box?"
 "Soft pack." "King size or regular?" "King size." "Filter tip or plain?"
 "Filter tip." "Menthol or mint?" "Menthol." "Is this cash or credit?" I
 said, "Forget it, I broke the habit!"
 -- Bob Melvin
%%
Buy in haste, repair at leisure.
%%
Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More.
%%
Buy land.   They've stopped making it.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Buy low, sell high.
%%
Buy more, and be happy.
 -- THX 1138
%%
Buy my flowers,--oh buy, I pray!
  The blind girl comes from afar.
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- Buy my Flowers
%%
Buy old masters. They fetch a much better price than old mistresses.
 -- Lord Beaverbrook
%%
"Buy one, get one flea."
 -- Japanese Pet Store
%%
Buy one, get one free?  Does it have to be in that order?
%%
Buy one omnipotent being, get one free   Q-PON
%%
Buy on the cannons, sell on the trumpets.
 -- French Adage
%%
Buy on the rumor, sell on the news.
 -- Wall Street Adage
%%
Buy "QUARKBAR", the candy with Flavor and Charm.
%%
Buy Stacker? Why not just delete Windows?!
%%
Buy thermometers in the wintertime. They're much lower then.
 -- Soupy Sales
%%
Buy when there's blood in the streets.
 -- Baron Guy de Rothschild
%%
Buy your chiropodist a farewell present.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Buy Yugoslavian Wars Bonds!
%%
Buzzbundle: A six-pack of beer.
%%
Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn;
Less dear than army ants in apple pies
Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn,
Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit;
Like honeybees upon the perfum'd rose
They suck, and like the double-breasted suit
Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose,
Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed;
And stem the produce of thy waspish wits:
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
Be off, I say; go bug somebody new,
Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
%%
:buzz: vi. 1. Of a program, to run with no indication of progress
   and perhaps without guarantee of ever finishing; esp. said of
   programs thought to be executing tight loops of code.  A program
   that is buzzing appears to be {catatonic}, but never gets out
   of catatonia, while a buzzing loop may eventually end of its own
   accord.  "The program buzzes for about 10 seconds trying to sort
   all the names into order."  See {spin}; see also {grovel}.
   2. [ETA Systems] To test a wire or printed circuit trace for
   continuity by applying an AC rather than DC signal.  Some wire
   faults will pass DC tests but fail a buzz test.  3. To process an
   array or list in sequence, doing the same thing to each element.
   "This loop buzzes through the tz array looking for a terminator
   type."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BUZZ v. To run in a very tight loop, perhaps without guarantee of getting out.
%%
BVS: Branch and Veer South
%%
BWABL: Bells, Whistles, And Blinking Lights
%%
Bwah-hah-hah!
%%
BW: Branch on Whim
%%
BWC: Branch When Convenient
%%
B: Well, I'll tell you.  I just got myself a paramour.
A: A paramour???  At your age???
B: Sure.  Why not at my age?
A: Well, what did your wife say?
B: My wife?  Why should she care how I cut the grass?
%%
BWF: Busy, Wait Forever
%%
BWOP: BeWilder OPerator
%%
:BWQ: /B-W-Q/ [IBM: abbreviation, `Buzz Word Quotient'] The
   percentage of buzzwords in a speech or documents.  Usually roughly
   proportional to {bogosity}.  See {TLA}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
BW> Uhh... guys.  I made some sort of mistake and lost a couple tagfile
%%
By 1960 work will be limited to three hours a day.
 -- John Langdon-Davies. A Short History of the Future, 1936
%%
By a careful cultural design, we control not the final behavior,
but the inclination to behave- the motives, the desires, the wishes...
we increase the feeling of freedom.
 -- B. F. Skinner
%%
By all means -- let's be careful. . . .
 -- Blake
%%
By all means, let's not confuse the issue with facts.
%%
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
 bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
 -- Socrates
%%
By all that 's good and glorious.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Sardanapalus, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
By and by is easily said.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
By an extraordinary stroke of coincidence, it is a rotten borough.
...Really? Is it? Well, lucky, lucky us. Lucky, lucky, cluck-cluck
   cluck-cluck-cluck, CLUCK-cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck, CLUCK...
....You don't know what a rotten borough _is_, do you sir.
 -- Edmund and George : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
By an inevitable chain of causes and effects,
Providence punishes national sins by national
calamities.
 -- George Mason
%%
By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.
 -- Voltaire
%%
By a tranquil mind I mean nothing else than a mind well ordered.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 3
%%
"By calling attention to 'a well regulated militia', the 'security'
of the nation, and the right of each citizen 'to keep and bear
arms', our founding fathers recognized the essentially civilian
nature of our economy. Although it is extremely unlikely that the
fears of governmental tyranny which gave rise to the Second
Amendment will ever be a major danger to our nation, the Amendment
still remains an important declaration of our basic
civilian-military relationships, in which every citizen must be
ready to participate in the defense of his country.  For that
reason, I believe the Second Amendment will always be important."
 -- April, 1960 (Then) Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
By cool Siloam's shady rill
  How sweet the lily grows!
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- First Sunday after Epiphany, No. ii
%%
By day, an average person; By night a Modem Maniac!!!!!!!
%%
By Day, Enlighten; By Night, Endarken.
%%
By Decoration Day all Easter chicks are chickens.
 -- Selma Diamond
%%
By definition all answers are responses.
Unfortunately all responses are not answers.
 -- JMS
%%
By definition, every word I say is a promise.
 -- Marlon Brando in The Freshman
%%
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown,
you do not know what you will find.
 -- The Ultimate Principle
%%
By dint of railing at idiots you run the risk of becoming idiotic yourself.
 -- Gustave Flaubert
%%
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task
 completely overwhelm me.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
BYDS: Beware Your Dark Side
%%
Bye, bye, Miss American Pie.   Drove my Chevy to the levee,
 but the levee was dry.  Them good old boys were drinkin'
 whiskey and rye, sayin' 'This will be the day that I die.'
 -- Don MacLean
%%
Bye Kids!
%%
Byeloon: Helium balloon that escapes from a small child at carnivals.
%%
BYE
  Oh, seeya.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Bye!! --> poof ::: cloud of dust :::
%%
By establishing real money, men rule out its debasement.
 -- Lewis E. Lehrman
%%
Bye!  That's the password!  I don't know, I'm so confused!
%%
By evil report and good report.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians vi, 8
%%
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail and the more of it you do,
 the better your chances are. On the other hand, if you don't, you won't,
 and it will be successful. (I just wish I know what the hell I was talking
 about here!)
%%
By fairy hands their knell is rung;
By forms unseen their dirge is sung;
There Honour comes, a pilgrim gray,
To bless the turf that wraps their clay;
And Freedom shall awhile repair,
To dwell a weeping hermit there!
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- Ode written in the year 1746
%%
By flatterers besieg'd,
And so obliging that he ne'er oblig'd;
Like Cato, give his little senate laws,
And sit attentive to his own applause.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 207
%%
By following the good, you learn to be good.
%%
By following the good, you learn to be good. Unfortunately bad is more fun.
%%
By forces seemingly antagonistic and destructive Nature accomplishes her
beneficent designs - now a flood of fire, now a flood of ice, now a flood
of water; and again in the fullness of time an outburst of organic life....
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
By foreign hands thy dying eyes were clos'd,
By foreign hands thy decent limbs compos'd,
By foreign hands thy humble grave adorn'd,
By strangers honoured, and by strangers mourn'd!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- To the Memory of an Unfortunate Lady, Line 51
%%
By George I think she's got it!
%%
By gnawing through a dike even a rat may drown a nation.
 -- Edward Burke
%%
By God, for a moment there, it all made sense...
%%
:by hand: adv. 1. Said of an operation (especially a repetitive,
   trivial, and/or tedious one) that ought to be performed
   automatically by the computer, but which a hacker instead has to
   step tediously through.  "My mailer doesn't have a command to
   include the text of the message I'm replying to, so I have to do it
   by hand."  This does not necessarily mean the speaker has to
   retype a copy of the message; it might refer to, say, dropping into
   a subshell from the mailer, making a copy of one's mailbox
   file, reading that into an editor, locating the top and bottom of
   the message in question, deleting the rest of the file, inserting
   `>' characters on each line, writing the file, leaving the editor,
   returning to the mailer, reading the file in, and later remembering
   to delete the file.  Compare {eyeball search}.  2. By extension,
   writing code which does something in an explicit or low-level way
   for which a presupplied library routine ought to have been
   available.  "This cretinous B-tree library doesn't supply a decent
   iterator, so I'm having to walk the trees by hand."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
By Heaven! it is a splendid sight to see
For one who hath no friend, no brother there.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 40
%%
By heaven, methinks it were an easy leap
To pluck bright honour from the pale-faced moon,
Or dive into the bottom of the deep,
Where fathom-line could never touch the ground,
And pluck up drowned honour by the locks.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
By heaven we understand a state of happiness infinite in degree,
and endless in duration.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
By hoke ne by croke.
 -- John Skelton (c. 1460-1529)
 -- Colyn Cloute, Line 1240
%%
By hooke or crooke.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
By Jove the stranger and the poor are sent,
And what to those we give, to Jove is lent.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vi, Line 247
%%
By kicking all the crooks out of government we could easily solve that
 problem and also at the same time bring about a new one; a significantly
 higher unemployment rate. It often happens that those most concerned about
 the happiness of others are the chief cause and sometimes even the only
 cause of difficulty for those very same people they are trying to improve.
%%
By labour and intent study (which I take to be my portion in this
life), joined with the strong propensity of nature, I might perhaps
leave something so written to after times as they should not willingly
let it die.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- The Reason of Church Government, Introduction, Book ii
%%
By long-standing tradition, I take this opportunity to savage other
designers in the thin disguise of good, clean fun.
 -- P. J. Plauger, from his April Fool's column in April 88's Computer Language
%%
By magic numbers and persuasive sound.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- The Mourning Bride, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to
make people believe that heaven is hell -- and hell heaven.  The greater
the lie, the more readily it will be believed.
 -- Adolph Hitler, Mein Kampf
%%
By my penny of observation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart.
%%
By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.
 In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others
 as it is to invent. (R. Emerson)
 -- Quoted from a fortune cookie program
                    (whose author claims, Actually, stealing IS easier.)
                    [to which I reply, You think it's easy for me to
                   misconstrue all these misquotations?!?]
%%
By night an atheist half believes a God.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night v, Line 177
%%
By now I was utterly deprogrammed. I walked along naked usually, clothes
being not only putrid but unnecessary. My skin had been baked a deep
terra-cotta brown and was the constituency of harness leather. The sun no
longer penetrated it. I retained my hat.
 -- Robyn Davidson, Tracks
%%
By one count there are some 700 scientists with respectable academic
credentials
(out of a total of 480,000 U.S. earth and life scientists) who give credence
to creation-science, the general theory that complex life forms did not evolve
but appeared "abruptly."
 -- Newsweek, June 29, 1987, pg. 23
%%
Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to
point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very
fast.  People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are
often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people
from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B
that so many people from point A are so keen to get there.  They often
wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell
they wanted to be.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
By Pendragon's sword the Dark shall fall!
%%
By persevering over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly
arrive at his chosen goal or destination.
 -- Christopher Columbus
%%
By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent
 public temptation.
%%
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
%%
By reading this, you're either a lawyer or a nut
%%
By robbing Peter he paid Paul,
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. xi
%%
By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
%%
By sending unsolicited, commercially oriented email to this address,
the sender agrees to pay a fee of USD 2.50 per line for proofreading
services.
%%
By shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- The Passionate Shepherd to his Love
%%
:byte:: /bi:t/ [techspeak] n. A unit of memory or data equal to
   the amount used to represent one character; on modern architectures
   this is usually 8 bits, but may be 9 on 36-bit machines.  Some
   older architectures used `byte' for quantities of 6 or 7 bits, and
   the PDP-10 supported `bytes' that were actually bitfields of
   1 to 36 bits!  These usages are now obsolete, and even 9-bit bytes
   have become rare in the general trend toward power-of-2 word sizes.

   Historical note: The term was coined by Werner Buchholz in 1956
   during the early design phase for the IBM Stretch computer;
   originally it was described as 1 to 6 bits (typical I/O equipment
   of the period used 6-bit chunks of information).  The move to an
   8-bit byte happened in late 1956, and this size was later adopted
   and promulgated as a standard by the System/360.  The word was
   coined by mutating the word `bite' so it would not be
   accidentally misspelled as {bit}.  See also {nybble}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Bytebrothers..children of the ARCLITE!
%%
BYTE: BYte TEst
%%
:bytesexual: /bi:t`sek'shu-*l/ adj. Said of hardware, denotes
   willingness to compute or pass data in either {big-endian} or
   {little-endian} format (depending, presumably, on a {mode bit}
   somewhere).  See also {NUXI problem}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Byte your tongue.
%%
By the act of marriage you endorse all the ancient and dead
values. You endorse things like monogamy. Lifelong monogamy
is a maniacal idea.
 -- Germaine Greer
%%
By the apostle Paul, shadows to-night
Have struck more terror to the soul of Richard
Than can the substance of ten thousand soldiers.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
By the blue rushing of the arrowy Rhone.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 71
%%
By the breastplate of Agamemnon, there is order to matter!
 -- Atrillo Trilobite
%%
By the cosmos, what am I doing?
GIVING THOSE WRETCHES EXACTLY WHAT THEY DESERVE!
But they are my heavenly brothers . . .
. . . AND I WILL KILL THEM ALL!!!
No, I should honor and cherish them . . .
 -- Thanos the Titan, under assault by embodiments of Love and Hate
%%
By the glare of false science betray'd,
That leads to bewilder, and dazzles to blind.
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Hermit
%%
By their fruits ye shall know them.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 20
%%
By the lady Blessed Be!
%%
By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
      Open, locks,
      Whoever knocks!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
By the term "the good old days," most people are referring to those times
 in which static electricity was about the only thing that would stand your
 hair on end.
%%
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has
a son who thinks he's wrong.
 -- Charles Wadsworth
%%
By the time a person gets to greener pastures, he can no longer climb the
fence.
%%
By the time a social science theory is formulated in such a way that
it can be tested, changing circumstances have already made it obsolete.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
By the time I'd grown up, I naturally supposed that I'd be grown up.
 -- Eve Babitz
%%
By the time I have money to burn, my fire will be out.
%%
By the time of the Great Renaming, net.suicide, along with net.rumors,
was mainly populated by refugees from net.bizarre, which was the first
popular group ever dropped by the backbone. This group of people acted
like a roving gang.  "Ah, here's a NEW almost-empty group to post
train schedules and core dumps in!"  Imagine their squeals of joy when
they discovered that posting to net.test got them mail from all over
the net.
 -- Joe Buck, jbuck@janus.berkeley.edu, gives us some Usenet history
%%
By the time of the United States Tricentennial, there will be more
government workers than there are workers.
 -- Augustine's Law Number LI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
By the time rules are is needed, it's already too late.
%%
By the time the people asking the questions are ready for the answers, the
people doing the work have lost track of the questions.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXX
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ..."
 -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
%%
By the time this message gets back on topic, WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!
%%
By the time we've made it, we've had it.
 -- Malcolm Forbes
%%
"By the way, I paid for the whole trip on Mr.
 Underhill's American Express card.  Want the number?"
 -- Closing Line from the movie Fletch
%%
By the way, what does BTW mean?
%%
By the work one knows the workman.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Hornets and the Bees, Book i, Fable 21
%%
By the worldly standards of public life, all scholars in
their work are of course oddly virtuous.  They do not make
wild claims, they do not cheat,they do not try to persuade at
any cost, they appeal neither to prejudice nor to authority,
they are often frank about their ignorance, their disputes are
fairly decorous, they do not confuse what is being argued with
race, politics, sex or age, they listen patiently to the young
and to the old who both know everything.  These are the
general virtues of scholarship, and they are peculiarly the
virtues of science.
 -- Jacob Bronowski
%%
By the yard, life is hard.  By the inch, it's a cinch.
%%
By the year 1984 the entire world may be run by computers. Digital
Equipment Corporation will still be run by people.
%%
By this leek, I will most horribly revenge: I eat and eat, I swear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
By this story [The Fox and the Raven] it is shown how much ingenuity
avails, and how wisdom is always an overmatch for strength.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book i, Fable 13, 13
%%
By this time, like one who had set out on his way by night, and travelled
through a region of smooth or idle dreams, our history now arrives
on the confines, where daylight and truth meet us with a clear dawn,
representing to our view, though at a far distance, true colours and
shapes.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- The History of England, Book i
%%
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which
is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience,
which is the bitterest.
 -- Confucius
%%
By thunders of white silence.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Hiram Powers's Greek Slave
%%
By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I
mean.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
By undue profundity we perplex and enfeeble thought; and
it is possible to make even Venus herself vanish from the
firmament by a scrutiny too sustained, too concentrated, or
too direct.
 -- E.A. Poe, The Murders in the Rue Morgue
%%
By virtue we merely mean the avoidance of the vices that do not attract us.
 -- Robert Lynd
%%
By words the mind is winged
 -- Aristophanes (c. 450-385 B.C.)
 -- The Birds (414 B.C.), line 1447
%%
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss
 and work twelve hours a day.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
By work you get money, by talk you get knowledge.
 -- Jaliburton
%%
:bzzzt, wrong: /bzt rong/ [USENET/Internet] From a Robin Williams
   routine in the movie "Dead Poets Society" spoofing radio or
   TV quiz programs, such as *Truth or Consequences*, where an
   incorrect answer earns one a blast from the buzzer and condolences
   from the interlocutor.  A way of expressing mock-rude disagreement,
   usually immediately following an included quote from another
   poster.  The less abbreviated "*Bzzzzt*, wrong, but thank you for
   playing" is also common; capitalization and emphasis of the
   buzzer sound varies.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CAABA, n.  A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the
patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca.  The patriarch had perhaps
asked the archangel for bread.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a
man's head.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
CABBAGE, n.  A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and
wise as a man's head.
    The cabbage is so called from Cabagius, a prince who on ascending
the throne issued a decree appointing a High Council of Empire
consisting of the members of his predecessor's Ministry and the
cabbages in the royal garden.  When any of his Majesty's measures of
state policy miscarried conspicuously it was gravely announced that
several members of the High Council had been beheaded, and his
murmuring subjects were appeased.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
CABBAGE PATCH DOLL STRANGLES ITS MOM
("it was an agent of the devil, say researchers")
%%
Cab Calloway's Garden: Heidi Ho.
%%
Cabinicreep:  When closing one kitchen cabinet causes another to open.
%%
Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception.
 -- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
[apparently, good TV reception is a basic necessity -- at least in Tucson]
%%
Caboose seems to be pulling the engine.
%%
CAC: Calling All Cars
%%
CAC: Cash And Carry
%%
cache: (1) pocket money. (2) frozen assets.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Cache: A very expensive part of the memory system of a computer that no
 one is supposed to know is there.
%%
Cache is, by definition, a compromise.
 -- Roy Smith, Public Health Research Institute

Yes, cache is a compromise.     Mainly to your wallet and the speed of light.
 -- Jim Hutchison (ucsd!celerity!hutch)
%%
Cache me if you can . . .
%%
Caches to caches, DOS to DOS...
%%
Cad:  A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.
%%
CA Driving:  To Change lanes, first pull out your 9mm..
%%
Caesar had his Brutus; Charles the First, his Cromwell; and George
the Third ["Treason!" cried the Speaker]--may profit by their example.
If this be treason, make the most of it.
 -- Patrick Henry (1736-1799)
 -- Speech in the Virginia Convention, 1765
%%
Caesar said to the soothsayer, "The ides of March are come;" who answered
him calmly, "Yes, they are come, but they are not past."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caesar
%%
Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas is so rich and lavish that if Caesar were
 alive today, he would not be able to afford to stay in his digs.
%%
Caes. The ides of March are come.
Sooth. Ay, Caesar; but not gone.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
CAF: Convert ASCII to Farsii
%%
Cafe Minimalism:
 To espouse a philosophy of minimalism without actually putting
into practice any of its tenets.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Caffeine Allocation Error: ROOTBEER.SYS missing, Programmer halted.
%%
Caffeine Binge:  That which is necessary to function normally.
%%
Caffeine makes the world go round.
%%
CAFFEINE.SYS not found -- Operator Halted.
%%
Caffidget: To break up an emptied Styrofoam cup into 100s of pieces.
%%
Caffiend
%%
CAI:   Acronym for "Computer-Aided Instruction".  The modern
   system of training professional scientists without
   ever exposing them to the hazards and expense of
   laboratory work.  Graduates of CAI-based programs are
   very good at simulated research.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
CAI: Corrupt Accounting Information
%%
CAIL: Crash After I Leave
%%
C - A lady executive.  An avid jogger, very healthy, and not too talkative.
Is an good cook if you like spicy food.  Unless you double check everything
you say (through LINT) you can unleash her fierce temper.  Her daughter C++
is still quite young and prone to tantrums, but it seems that she will grow
up into a fine young woman of milder temper and more sophisticated character.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
Calamity is man's true touchstone.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Four Plays in One: The Triumph of Honour, Sc. 1
%%
Calamity is the test of integrity.
%%
Calamity, n.  A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that
the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering.  Calamities are of
two kinds:  misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
CALCULUS MAJORS do it in increments
%%
Calculus students do it by parts.
%%
CALCULUS: the agony and dx/dt
%%
Calif: Burn and Shake, add Water and Slide.
%%
California: financing the study of *only* female prisoner health issues
%%
CALIFORNIA:  From Latin 'calor', meaning "heat" (as in English
'calorie' or Spanish 'caliente'); and 'fornia', for "sexual
intercourse" or "fornication." Hence:  Tierra de California, "the land
of hot sex."
 -- Ed Moran, Covina, California
%%
California has its faults, but L.A. is a riot!
%%
California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
"California is proud to be the home of the freeway."
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
California makes the best wine - New York, the best whine.
%%
Californians do it laid back.
%%
California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
%%
California Saga...
%%
Call 1-800-52-STERN For "CRUSIFIED BY THE FCC"!!!
%%
Call 911. $3.00 first minute, $1.00 each additional minute.
%%
Call any vegetable,
Call any vegetable,
And the chances are good
That the vegetable
Will respond to you.
 -- Frank Zappa, Lyrics in "Absolutely Free"
%%
Call a witch doctor!  My witch is sick.
%%
Call Barf Ccestruction, and we'll throw it up!
%%
Call B.D.C. for all your computer needs 310/864-5685
%%
Call Bill Clinton's tax infoline.  1-900-SCR-EWME.  $100.00/min.
%%
Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the
one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex." Never found her, but when I got
home my place was robbed.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the
 one in the leather jacket." She said, "I'll be the one drinking sake." Turned
out it was one of those biker-sushi places. We never met.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
Caller: Blacks have to be heard.
Rush: Why...? They are 12 percent of the population. Who the hell cares?
 -- Rush Limbaugh
%%
Call for the captain ashore, I wanna go home.
%%
Call for the robin-redbreast and the wren,
Since o'er shady groves they hover,
And with leaves and flowers do cover
The friendless bodies of unburied men.
 -- John Webster (c. 1580-1625)
 -- The White Devil, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Call him Wise whose actions, words, and steps are all a clear Because
to a clear Why.
 -- Lavater
%%
Call immediately.   Time is running out.  We both need to do something
 monstrous before we die.
 -- Message from Ralph Steadman to Hunter Thompson
%%
Calling ALL Ansi-Phreaks!  Come out, come out!
%%
"Calling all units!  Leading monster stampede
 through the bottomlands to lower forty!... Set up
 ambush on flanks!... Also, do not shoot me!...
 Repeat!... Do not shoot me!!!"
 -- FLAMING CARROT vs the Giant Japanese Monsters!
%%
Calling him a pea brain would be an undeserved compliment.
%%
Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target
Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
 -- The Firesign Theatre movie, _J-Men Forever_
%%
"Calling you stupid is an insult to stupid people!"
 -- Wanda
%%
Call in, tune up, turn out, hang up.
%%
Call it a hunch.
 -- Quasimodo
%%
Call me apathetic - I don't care..!
%%
Call me back so I can hang up on you!
%%
Call me Charley...no...call me Fred...no...call me Bubba.
%%
Call me crazy!  I can live without ICONS!
%%
Call me if you need my phone number!
%%
Call me Ishmael. I won't ANSWER, but ...
%%
"Call me paranoid but finding '/*' inside this comment makes me suspicious"
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
Call me RS-232, I'm a serial killer.
%%
Call me schizo ... but I'll always have each other.
%%
Call my cat?  No, I just run the can opener.
%%
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
 -- Indian proverb
%%
CALLOUS, adj.  Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils
afflicting another.
    When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was
observed to be deeply moved.  "What!" said one of his disciples, "you
weep at the death of an enemy?"  "Ah, 'tis true," replied the great
Stoic; "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Call Psychic Friends today, throw some money away!
%%
Call The Bates Motel BBS: 1-800-BIG-NIFE
%%
Call the Conservative Hot Line: 1-976-TRICKLE.
%%
Call the Holistic Astrological Counselor at the Psychofeminist Unisex
 Therapy Control and Neutered Psychological Facility for information on your
 potential as a vessel of Cosmic Truth using Karmic B Delta Waves in Upper
 Side Band mode. Let the Ultimate Duality of Your Cosmic Reality allow the
 Oneness of the Universe flow through you and bring you to nonmaterial
 harmony with the entire metaphysical angst of your being. If this fails,
 take two aspirins and call me tomorrow at the office.
%%
Call the Liberal Hot Line - 1-976-WEL-FARE ($10 per min).
%%
Call the Men of Science.
%%
Call things by their right names.... Glass of brandy and water! That
is the current but not the appropriate name: ask for a glass of liquid
fire and distilled damnation.
 -- Robert Hall (1764-1831)
 -- Gregory's Life of Hall
%%
Call this number for illiteracy: 555-READ
%%
Call upon a man of business during hours of business only to transact your
 business. Then go about your business and give him time to attend to his
 business.
 -- Anonymous
%%
Call waiting is great if you have two friends!
%%
Call-waiting is indeed the ULTIMATE line noise!
%%
Call your Father today: I wish I still COULD!
%%
Call yourself a Time Lord?   A broken clock keeps better time than
 you do.  At least it's accurate twice a day, which is more than you
 ever are.
 -- Tegan, The Visitation
%%
Call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Calm Down!  It's only ones and zeros!
%%
Calmness is great advantage; he that lets another chafe may warm
him at his fire, mark all his wand'rings and enjoy his frets, as
cunning fencers suffer heat to tire.
 -- Herbert
%%
Calm?  Of COURSE I'm calm! I've never been so calm in my LIFE!!
 IF I WERE ANY MORE CALM, I'D BE DEAD!!!!!!!
 -- Wilbur, Rescuers Down Under
%%
Calm on the bosom of thy God,
  Fair spirit, rest thee now!
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- Siege of Valencia, Scene ix
%%
Calm on the listening ear of night
  Come Heaven's melodious strains,
Where wild Judea stretches far
  Her silver-mantled plains.
 -- Edmund H. Sears (1810-1876)
 -- Christmas Song
%%
CAL Sucks; UCLA Swallows
%%
CALUMNUS, n.  A graduate of the School for Scandal.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
 -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
%%
Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner,
Vermont.
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't
         realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
 Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?
%%
Camaro: Can't America Make A Real One?
%%
CAMEL, n.  A quadruped (the _Splaypes humpidorsus_) of great value to
the show business.  There are two kinds of camels -- the camel proper
and the camel improper.  It is the latter that is always exhibited.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Camels have wet dreams too. It's just a bumpier road.
%%
Camera bugs always know where to light!
%%
Cameras are so simple to operate now that taking pictures is much
easier than getting friends to look at them.
 -- Hugh Allen
%%
Ca m'est egal.
 -- l'Etranger (The Stranger)
%%
Camouflage condoms:  So they won't see you coming.
%%
C$A#M*O$U%F@L#A)G@ED T@A#G$L@IN$E
%%
Campers do it in a tent.
%%
Camptown Races, 6837.6 Meters Long. Do Dah!
%%
Campus Crusade for Cthulhu: If your god's dead blame mine.
%%
Campus Crusade for Cthulhu--It found me.
%%
Campus Crusade for KALI!
%%
Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two
points.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Cam's Crematorium - You kill 'em, we grill 'em
%%
Can a baby be born born again?
%%
Can a blue man sing the whites?
%%
Canada: 51 weeks winter, one week hockeyless summer.
%%
Canada: a few acres of snow.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Canada -- C eh? N eh? D eh?
%%
Canada has two months: Winter and July 11.
%%
Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.  It's 2 cents for
postage and 30 cents for storage.
 -- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post
%%
Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in fall.
%%
Canada's just a hockey player breeding facility.
%%
Canada: the state so clever, they don't pay taxes to Washington!
%%
Canada? What part of Texas is that in?
%%
Canadian Alphabet:eh,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z.
%%
Canadian DOS: "Yer sure, eh?" [y/n]
%%
Canadian prison inmate Robert Walters, halfway through a 24-year
sentence for robbery, was allowed out of Collins Bay penitentiary for
six hours on a "resocializing program" on the condition that his guard
keep him in sight at all times. After the two got drunk at a bar,
Walters excused himself and popped across the street to rob a bank.
%%
Canadian tagline - Add 7% for GST.
%%
Canadian wildlife found here.
%%
CANADOS: Format C:? Yer Sure, eh? [Y] [N]o way hoser!
%%
Can a homosexual become a heterosexual?  Only if a dog can become
 a tree.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs vi, 27
%%
Can anybody think of a good tagline I can steal?
%%
Can any man have a higher notion of the rule of right and the eternal
fitness of things?
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Jones, Book iv, Chap. iv
%%
Can any mortal mixture of earth's mould
Breathe such divine enchanting ravishment?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 244
%%
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
%%
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.
%%
Canapes--a sandwich cut into twenty-four pieces.
 -- Billy Rose
%%
Can a vampire catch AIDS...?
%%
Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
%%
Can build castles in the air.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 1, Subsect. 3
%%
Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
%%
Cancer cures smoking -- It puts you in a flip-top box too!
%%
CANCER    June 21 - July 22
You are a very patient person.  You can fall asleep waiting for things
to happen.  You have a keen memory and often recite boring, obscure
things to your friends.  Cancers are easily influenced and many have
actually drowned when told to jump in the lake.
%%
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
 You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems.  They
 think you are a sucker.  You are always putting things off.  That's why
 you'll never make anything of yourself.  Most welfare recipients are
 Cancer people.
%%
"Candle-vaulting" by Jack B. Nimble
%%
Candygram for Mongo. Mongo LIKE candy!
%%
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971), "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
%%
Candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth!
%%
Candy on keyboard. Delete children (Y/n)?
%%
Can God make a rock so big He can't lift it?
%%
Can Harrison Ford the river?
%%
Can I ask you to leave a pause between the word 'Aim' and the word
  'Fire'? Thirty or forty years, perhaps...
 -- Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Can I call you Ms. Dos ?
%%
Can I go back to bed now?
%%
Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Can I leave now?  My brain is full.
%%
"Can I park here?"
"Nope", said the cop.
"Well, then how come these other cars are parked here?"
"They didn't ask me", replied the cop.
%%
Can I run DBLSPACE or STACKER on my VISA card?
%%
Can I upgrade my Hard drive to a Warp Drive?
%%
Cannibalism is a small price to pay for popularity.
%%
Cannibalism suits you.
%%
CANNIBAL, n.  A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple
tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cannibal: one who gets fed up with people.
%%
Cannibals aren't vegetarian; they're humanitarians.
%%
Cannibal Stewardess Vixens Unchained...
%%
CANNON, n.  An instrument employed in the rectification of national
boundaries.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them.
     .     .     .     .
Into the jaws of death,
Into the mouth of hell
  Rode the six hundred.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Charge of the Light Brigade, Stanza 3
%%
Cannot find ORG.ASM girlfriend halted...
%%
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
%%
Cannot fork -- try again.
%%
Cannot load CLINTON.SYS - File Corrupt - Truth Not Found!
%%
Cannot open /usr/games/lib/fortunes.
%%
Cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home?
%%
Cannot understand tagline (A)bort (R)etry (L)augh anyway
%%
Can one desire too much of a good thing?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Can one ever remember love ? It's like trying to summon up the smell of
a rose in a cellar.  You might see a rose, but never the perfume.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
Canonical, adj.:
      The usual or standard state or manner of something.  A true
story:  One Bob Sjoberg, new at the MIT AI Lab, expressed some
annoyance at the use of jargon.  Over his loud objections, we made a
point of using jargon as much as possible in his presence, and
eventually it began to sink in.  Finally, in one conversation, he used
the word "canonical" in jargon-like fashion without thinking.
      Steele: "Aha!  We've finally got you talking jargon too!"
     Stallman: "What did he say?"
  Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."
%%
CANONICALS, n.  The motley worm by Jesters of the Court of Heaven.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Can O' Worms. Open, Heat, & Eat. Ready in 15 mins.
%%
Can Pee Wee choose to waive the evidence in court?
%%
Can priests turn other food into God, or only cookies?
%%
Can Rush Limbaugh PROVIDE a GOOD JOB for ANYBODY?
%%
Can someone get this walking carpet out of my way?
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
Can storied urn, or animated bust,
  Back to its mansion call the fleeting breath?
Can honour's voice provoke the silent dust,
  Or flatt'ry soothe the dull cold ear of death?
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 11
%%
Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades, or loose the bands of Orion?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxviii, 31
%%
Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xli, 1
%%
Canst thou guide Arcturus with his sons?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxviii, 32
%%
Can such things be,
And overcome us like a summer's cloud,
Without our special wonder?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Can taglines have sequels?  Hmmm.....
%%
Can't buy what I want because it's free...
 -- Eddie Vedder
%%
Can't? Can't? There's no such word as can't!
%%
"Can't cast a void type to type void (because the ANSI spec. says so,
that's why)"
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the husband in the back yard.
%%
Cant expect to keep them on the farm after theyve seen Paris.
%%
Can't find his ass with two hands and a periscope.
%%
Can't get this drive to backup, forward only operation.
%%
"can't go mucking with a 'void *'"
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
:can't happen: The traditional program comment for code executed
   under a condition that should never be true, for example a file
   size computed as negative.  Often, such a condition being true
   indicates data corruption or a faulty algorithm; it is almost
   always handled by emitting a fatal error message and terminating or
   crashing, since there is little else that can be done.  Some case
   variant of "can't happen" is also often the text emitted if the
   `impossible' error actually happens!  Although "can't happen"
   events are genuinely infrequent in production code, programmers
   wise enough to check for them habitually are often surprised at how
   frequently they are triggered during development and how many
   headaches checking for them turns out to head off. See also
   {firewall code} (sense 2).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Can the Borg assimilate Q?
%%
Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah xiii, 23
%%
Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth?
 -- New Testament
 -- John i, 46
%%
Can there be a republic that does not slump under the weight of so
much human desire?
 -- Michael Scully
%%
Can the world take TWO of us?   ;-)
%%
Can this be real? A women is at a loss for words?!
%%
CAN THIS REALLY BE MY LIFE?
or has there been some mistake?
%%
Can't I another's face commend,
And to her virtues be a friend,
But instantly your forehead lowers,
As if her merit lessen'd yours?
 -- Edward Moore (1712-1757)
 -- The Farmer, the Spaniel, and the Cat, Fable ix
%%
Can't I love you for your mind and like your hooters too?
%%
"Can't let you get involved, it's too dangerous."

"I'm a big girl."

"Yeah... and in all the right places, too."
 -- North By Northwest
%%
Can't refute the message?  Attack the messenger!
 -- Conservative Rule #9
%%
Can't see it? It IS there, using Stealth technology.
%%
Can't stand the heat? Stop burning the books!
%%
Can't the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the
 confusion and problems they've caused?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
can't unlink suspend file.
%%
Can't use Windows, have single tasking brain and fingers.
%%
Can't wait for them 100Gb, 10ns drives!
%%
Can't wait to try TFW
%%
Can't we all just get a beer? Norm Peterson.
%%
CAN'T whistle at my girlfriend, she leaves me breathless!
%%
Can't you just gesture hypnotically and make him disappear?
      It does not work that way.   RUN!
 -- Hadji on metaphyics and Mandrake in Johnny Quest
%%
:can: vt. To abort a job on a time-sharing system.  Used esp.
   when the person doing the deed is an operator, as in "canned from
   the {{console}}".  Frequently used in an imperative sense, as in
   "Can that print job, the LPT just popped a sprocket!"  Synonymous
   with {gun}.  It is said that the ASCII character with mnemonic
   CAN (0011000) was used as a kill-job character on some early OSes.
   Alternatively, this term may derive from mainstream slang
   `canned' for being laid off or fired.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Can we ever have too much of a good thing?
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book i, Chap. vi
%%
Can we get loss of liability insurance insurance?
%%
Can we Hurry?...... My HardDisk is double parked.
%%
Can we make Clinton's defeat in '96 retroactive to '92?
%%
Can you believe it?  This message really does end?
%%
Can you believe that thing is STILL moving?
%%
Can you cook? Can you sew?    Well, I don't want to know, cause that's not
  what you need on the inside to make the time go.
 -- Ian Anderson
%%
Can you count the things you don't know about?
%%
"Can you do Addition?" the White Queen asked.  "What's one and one and one and
one and one and one and one and one and one and one?"
"I don't know," said Alice.  "I lost count."
"She can't do Addition," the Red Queen interrupted.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
Can you do the Picard Maneuver in a Grand Am?
%%
Can you fill us in more on this, Lt. Data?
%%
Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
%%
Can you get a DUI on the information superhighway?
%%
"Can you give me a lift back?"
"Ah -- can do.  But won't."
 -- Monty Python
%%
"Can you hammer a 6-inch spike into a wooden plank with your penis?"

"Uh, not right now."

"Tsk.  A girl has to have some standards."
 -- "Real Genius"
%%
Can you Handel music with a Baroquen instrument?
%%
Can you handle some PLEASURE?
%%
Can you hear the drums Fernando............(urp)
%%
Can you help me? Are you for my brain...oh, yeah!
%%
Can you imagine 1,000 cats agreeing to do *anything*?
%%
Can you imagine a roast aardvark without an apple in
its mouth? It's like a martini without the egg
%%
Can you imagine how life could be improved if we could do away
  with jealousy, greed, hate....
It can also be improved by eliminating love, tenderness, sentiment
 -- the other side of the coin.
 -- Dr. Roger Corby and Kirk, "What are Little Girls Made Of?,"
       stardate 2712.4
%%
Can you imagine, RJR Nabisco is coming out with a tobacco flavored cookie..
 followed of course by a Chocolate flavored filter soft light one hundred
 cigarette.
%%
Can you imagine Spock picking his nose?
%%
Can you imagine what it would be like if there had been ``look and feel''
 lawsuits over automobiles?
 -- Mark Diekhans (markd@sco.com)
%%
Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
        "Can you make a [hot toddy]?"
        --"Can you make a shoe stink?"
 -- "Caddyshack"
%%
   "Can you operate it, Spock?"
   "Well, Jim, this computer was designed and constructed 300 million
years ago by a totally alien race of methane-breathing, squidlike
beings who built it using technologies unknown to us and used it
for purposes we cannot conceive of and then mysteriously vanished
leaving no shred of documentation as to its operation.  It may
take a few moments."
%%
Can you program?    Well, I'm literate, if that's what you mean!
%%
Can you put your hands in your head?  Oh, no.
%%
Can you recommend a way to counter the effect?
Simple, change the gravitational constant of the universe.
What?!
Change the gravitational constant of the universe, thereby altering the
  mass of the asteroid.
Redefine gravity. And how am I supposed to do that?
You just do it! Oh, where's that doctor anyway?
Geordi is trying to say that changing the gravitational constant of the
  universe is beyond our capabilities.
Oh, well, in that case, never mind.
 -- Data, Q, and Geordi, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Can you remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?
%%
Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I
 guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep ...

 Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow
 up--'cause they're lookin' for ideas.
 -- Paula Poundstone
%%
Can you remember your first fortune cookie?
%%
Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?
%%
Can you say critical mass?  I knew you could.
%%
Can you say PAIN, boys & girls?
%%
Can you say "Pervert", I thought you could.
%%
Can you say "Quality" in Japanese?  Sure you can.
 -- Mister Rodgers
%%
Can you see the real me ?
%%
Can you teach an old Sysop new tricks?
%%
Can you teach us to fight with pointed sticks?
%%
Can you tell I need more tag lines?
%%
Can you think of another word for "synonym"?
%%
Can you trust a government that subsidizes tobacco and tries to ban
vitamins to make intelligent choices about your health care?
%%
Can you use
0370 ... BSD Unix?  0371 ... non-BSD Unix?
0372 ... AIX        0373 ... VM/CMS?
0374 ... VMS?       0375 ... MVS?
0376 ... VSE?       0377 ... RSTS/E?
0378 ... CP/M?      0379 ... COS?
0380 ... NOS?       0381 ... CP-67?
0382 ... RT-11?     0383 ... MS-DOS?
0384 ... Finder?    0385 ... PRODOS?
0386 ... more than one OS for the TRS-80?
0387 ... Tops-10?   0388 ... Tops-20?
0389 ... OS-9?      0390 ... OS/2?
0391 ... AOS/VS?    0392 ... Multics?
0393 ... ITS?       0394 ... Vulcan?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Can you yell "yIHmey!" in a crowded Klingon restaurant?
%%
Capability maturity model
 a method of determining to what extent the developer
 can reasonably be blamed for the inevitable failure
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Capital as such is not evil; it is its wrong use that is evil.
 -- Mohandas Gandhi
%%
Capitalism can exist in one of only two states: welfare or warfare.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
Capitalism did not arise because capitalists stole the land, but
because it was more efficient than feudalism. It will perish because
it is not merely less efficient than socialism, but actually
self-destructive.
 -- J. B. S. Haldane
%%
Capitalism. I love it!
%%
Capitalism in the United States has undergone profound modification,
not just under the New Deal, but through a consensus that continued
to grow after the New Deal. Government in the U. S. today is a senior
partner in every business in the country.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
%%
Capitalism is outrageously unjust; it requires a continuing maldistribution
of wealth in order to exist. We live in the twilight of an epoch. I am
absolutely convinced that we are moving toward some kind of planned economy.
 -- Michael Harrington
%%
Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men
will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.
 -- John Maynard Keynes
%%
Capitalism is the unequal distribution of Wealth.
Communism is the equal distribution of Poverty.
%%
Capitalism says you can win, Socialism says you can break even,
and Religion says you can join another game.
%%
Capitalism with environmental ethics will benefit the entire world.
%%
Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with
things you didn't have a good answer to.
 -- Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
%%
CAPITAL, n.  The seat of misgovernment.  That which provides the fire,
the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the
anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the
disgrace before meat.  _Capital Punishment_, a penalty regarding the
justice and expediency of which many worthy persons -- including all
the assassins -- entertain grave misgivings.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Capital punishment is as fundamentally wrong as a cure for crime as charity is
wrong as a cure for poverty.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
Capital Punishment: the income tax.
%%
Capital Punishment: The Male-Only Death Penalty.
%%
Capitol Hill Bank: Member F.L.E.E.C.E.
%%
Capitol Punishment?  Yes, punish everyone in the capitol!
%%
Cap'n Crunch Dead. Cereal Killer Held. More at 11.
%%
Cap'n, she's only a 2400, she canna take 1650 cps!  ...Scotty
%%
Cap'n! The modem canna keep up this speed much longer!
%%
Cap'n, this t'glin dinna' say ennythin!
%%
CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
 You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do much of
 anything and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn of any
 importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as
 they take root and become trees.
%%
CAPRICORN   December 22 - January 19
You are an upholder of tradition and authority.  This is because you
lack imagination and creativity.  You cannot take honest criticism.
Not event from your mother.  Most prison warders are Capricorns.
%%
Captain! Admiral Brahms is on sub-space requesting you!!!
%%
Captain, a Klingon does NOT play Tetris!
%%
Captain, are we talking about breaking up a family? Isn't that a rather
  sentimental attitude about androids?
They are living, sentient beings. Their rights and privileges in our
  society have been defined, I helped define them.
 -- Admiral Haftel and Picard, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
Captain, can I see you in your ready room. Its a private matter. No
  actually its an urgent one.
 -- Dr. Crusher, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
'Captain, do ships sink very often?'
'No, just once'
%%
Captain, he needs an attitude adjustment.
 -- Pulaski about Kolrami, "Peak Performance", stardate 42923.4
%%
Captain Hook died of jock itch.
%%
"Captain, how soon can we land?"
"I can't tell."
"You can tell me; I'm a doctor."
 -- Airplane!
%%
Captain, I'm beginning to understand why you Earthmen enjoy gambling.
  No matter how carefully one computes the odds of success, there is
  still a certain exhilaration in the risk.
 -- Spock, "Patterns of Force," stardate 2534.7.
%%
Captain, I need to kill someone.
 -- Worf
%%
Captain, I sense... a PLOT DEVICE!
%%
Captain! It's Bob Morgan off starboard bow unlurking.
%%
"Captain Justice knows no fear!"
 "Captain Justice  knows no women!"
 -- A decent line from ONCE A HERO
%%
Captain Kirk, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited.
%%
Captain Kirk, I sense millions of minds focused on my cleavage.
%%
"Captain Kirk.  It's a pleasure to welcome you to Noldicia.
More fun than humans should be allowed to have."
 -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
Captain Kirk speaks figuratively, and with undue emotion, but
what he says is essentially correct, and I do, in fact, agree
with it.
 -- Mr. Spock
 -- Star Trek
%%
Captain Kirk to the rescue!
%%
Captain Kirk: We come in peace. Shoot to kill.
%%
Captain Kirk, why does your phaser look like a dust buster?
%%
Captain, life is _not_ a dream.
%%
Captain, my dear Captain. You owe me something, you do realize that,
  don't you? I'm a woman I haven't had the comfort of a husband, a man.
Not now, Doctor, please.
 -- Dr. Crusher and Picard, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Captain of the Belgrano:
I'm outside the f%*king exclusion zone
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Captain of the Exxon Valdez to Third Mate: "I said SCOTCH on the rocks, not
 STOP on the rocks!" The only thing that remained loaded on the Valdez was
 the captain. The whole affair gives an entirely new meaning to the packing
 of sardines in oil. This tragic event has alerted people to wild life. The
 bar on the Love Boat now shuts down at 8:30 PM. When informed of this sorry
 event, Vice President Dan Quayle said that we should let foreign countries
 take care of their own problems. Quayle was not allowed to go to Alaska and
 view the damage, since no one could be found to go along to make sure his
 pants were zipped, and he had his snow shoes on, and wore his cap.
%%
Captain of the Titanic:
Where's all that f%*king water coming from?
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Captain ... one .. harmless ... little ... Tribble?
%%
Captain, Permission to hook up blender attachments to Mr Data
%%
Captain, phasers and photons down, get the hand phaser out
%%
Captain Picard! Mr. Spock just swallowed our budget!
%%
Captain Picard, stop staring at my chest!
 -- Troi
%%
Captain Picard, you are now relieved of duty. I judge you to be disabled,
  mentally incapacitated...
 -- Dr. Crusher, "Lonely Among Us", stardate 41249.3
%%
Captain Picquard trusts his bartender's instincts and saves the Federation.
 -- Karl's synopsis of a recent Star Trek episode
%%
Captain Pollard.. Renegade ship approc!@$(@#&$* NO CARRIER
%%
Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.
%%
Captains log, Stardate 9602.34 Worf bites Ensign Fox
%%
Captain! Someone has snorted all the dilithium crystals.
%%
Captain Spock, you do not stand accused.
Mister President, I stand with my shipmates.
 --  UFP President and Spock, "ST IV:The Voyage Home," stardate 8390
%%
Captain! The UARTs kenna' take these speeds!
%%
Captain, this board seems highly illogical.
%%
Captain, we are being hailed. Get out your umbrella.
%%
Captain, we are receiving 285,000 hails
 -- Wesley
%%
Captain, we can control the Federation as easily as we can control you.
  The fate of the inferior in any galaxy.
 -- Rojan the Kelvan, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4657.5.
%%
Captain, we have engaged dataschlurp mode!
%%
Captain we're at 1960 CPS. The UARTs canna take much more.
%%
"Captain, we seem to be trapped inside a late 20th century computer system."

"Blast us out of here, Mr. Sulu!"
%%
Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?
 -- Worf
%%
Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
%%
Capture him, beat him and treat him like dirt.
 -- LAPD squad-car computer message, as quoted in the Christopher Report, 7/91
%%
carabiner: oversized safety pin to hold up a diaper seat.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Car around the inside of a cheerio.
%%
Carasvemos, corazones no sabemos.
%%
CAR: Cancel Accounts Receivable
%%
Car Capital Of The World: Mitch Egan
%%
Carcasses bleed at the sight of the murderer.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 1, Memb. 2, Subsect. 5
%%
Car customisers do it with a hot rod.
%%
Cardassian Burger: How many pickles do you see?
%%
Cardassian Cable - bringing you five - er, FOUR channels!
%%
Cardassian Scale: How many pounds do you see?
%%
Car Dealer's Advertisement in The Sunday Star Ledger:
Bilingual - we speak many languages.
%%
Cardiac: Obsessed poker player.
 -- Ray Hand
%%
Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!
%%
Cardiologists do it halfheartedly.
%%
Cardiologists do it lightheartedly.
%%
Card readers?   We don't need no stinking card readers.
 -- Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciences, 1965,
 -- in a particularly vivid fantasy)
%%
Cards: An ancient unput medium based on holey blocks of wood.
%%
"Cards? Luxury!  I was at the smithy 18 hours a day forging gears for my
analytical engine, Ada working her fingers to the bone assembling them
on shafts.  I used to dream of the day when I would finally get it all
put together so that I could finally play 'Wumpus'."
 -- Babbage
%%
:card walloper: n. An EDP programmer who grinds out batch programs
   that do stupid things like print people's paychecks.  Compare
   {code grinder}.  See also {{punched card}}, {eighty-column
   mind}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Care-charmer Sleep, son of the sable Night,
Brother to Death, in silent darkness born.
 -- Samuel Daniel (1562-1619)
 -- To Delia, Sonnet 51
%%
Care For A Chop?: Marsha Larts
%%
Care for a Jelly Baby?
 -- The Doctor.
%%
Care for a shrimp cocktail?  No, thanks, I need a BIG one.
%%
Careful, careful--I might explode!
 -- Doctor Who, REVENGE OF THE CYBERMEN
%%
Careful! Don't step in that... Oh, never mind
%%
Careful: I might be landing on your street...
%%
Carefully avoid anything said to be NEATO!
%%
Carefull you idiot!  I said across her nose, not UP it!
%%
Carefully selected volunteers.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Carefully stage all "impromptu" town meetings.
 -- Liberal Rule #32
%%
"Carefully study these two enlarged photographs on display, Mr. Rafferty,"
the attorney for a politician suing a newspaper for libel instructed his
client on the witness stand, "and indicate which is your ass and which is
a hole in the ground."
%%
Careful, Mister.  Old Zeek is liable to fire that sucker up!
%%
Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel.
 -- Odysseus
%%
Careful with that axe, man.
%%
Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye,
And where care lodges, sleep will never lie.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Carelessness does more harm than a want of knowledge.
%%
Care to expound, or are you just going to leave us all with the
 impression that you're merely an inarticulate asshole?
 -- Jay you ignorant splut! Maynard (jay@splut.conmicro.com)

Lest I leave the wrong impression, I'm not inarticulate.
 -- Walker Mangum (walker@ficc.ferranti.com)
%%
Care to guess how the fetus would vote on abortion?
%%
Care to join the "Flat Earth" Society?
%%
Care to our coffin adds a nail, no doubt,
And every grin so merry draws one out.
 -- John Wolcot (1738-1819)
 -- Expostulatory Odes, Ode xv
%%
Care to read that tagline in front of the class, Mario Trujillo?
%%
:careware: /keir'weir/ n. {Shareware} for which either the
   author suggests that some payment be made to a nominated charity
   or a levy directed to charity is included on top of the
   distribution charge.  Syn. {charityware}; compare
   {crippleware}, sense 2.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cargo cult programming: n. A style of (incompetent) programming
   dominated by ritual inclusion of code or program structures that
   serve no real purpose.  A cargo cult programmer will usually
   explain the extra code as a way of working around some bug
   encountered in the past, but usually neither the bug nor the reason
   the code apparently avoided the bug was ever fully understood
   (compare {shotgun debugging}, {voodoo programming}).

   The term `cargo cult' is a reference to aboriginal religions that
   grew up in the South Pacific after World War II.  The practices of
   these cults center on building elaborate mockups of airplanes and
   military style landing strips in the hope of bringing the return of
   the god-like airplanes that brought such marvelous cargo during the
   war.  Hackish usage probably derives from Richard Feynman's
   characterization of certain practices as "cargo cult science" in
   his book "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman" (W. W. Norton
   & Co, New York 1985, ISBN 0-393-01921-7).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Carl Steward, a columnist in the Fremont Argus newspaper, posed this question:
   If you get penalized for excessive celebration for a TD that is
   reversed by replay review, does the penalty still count?
%%
CAR MECHANICS jack it
%%
Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
%%
Carnegie Hall! What the fuck are we doing here?
 -- Frank Zappa '71
%%
CARNIVOROUS, adj.  Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous
vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with
the right combination of fats and sugar, it
can duplicate chocolate in color and texture.

Of course, the same can be said of dirt."
 -- From THE CHOCOLATE BOOK
%%
Carol: "Actually, he's a lot like you...in many ways.  Please tell me what
  you're feeling."
Kirk: "There's a man out there I haven't seen in fifteen years who's trying to
  kill me.  You showed me your son'd be happy to help.  My son...my life that
  could've been...and wasn't.  What am I feeling?  Old...worn out."
Carol: "Let me show you something...that'll make you feel...*young* as when the
  world was new."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Carol: "David, why don't you show Doctor McCoy and the lieutenant our idea of
  food?"
David: "But we can't just sit here."
Kirk: "Oh yes we can."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Carol: "Get your gear together where it's handy."
March: "And where are we going?"
Carol: "That's for us to know and Reliant to find out."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Carol: "I don't understand, who's responsible for all this.  Who is 'Khan'?"
Kirk: "Well, it's a long story."
David: "We appear to have plenty of time."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Caroline! I never knew you knew her!
Oh yes! I even touched her once.
...Touched her what?
Her...once. In a corridor.
I've never heard it called _that_ before.
 -- Edmund and Percy : Potato
%%
Carol: "Starfleet has kept the peace for over a hundred years.  I cannot and
  will not subscribe to your interpretation of this event!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Carol: "The reformed moon represented here represents the merest fraction
of the
Genesis potential, should the Federation wish to fund these experiments to
their logical conclusion.  When we consider the cosmic problems of population
and food supply, the usefulness of this process becomes clear.  This concludes
our proposal.  Thank you for your attention."
Spock: "It literally is 'genesis'."
Kirk: "The power of creation."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Carol: "What exactly is Genesis?  Well, put simply, Genesis is life from
  lifelessness.  It is a process whereby molecular structure is reorganized at
  the subatomic level into life-generating matter of equal mass.  Stage One of
  our experiments was conducted in a laboratory.  Stage Two of the series will
  be attempted in a lifeless underground.  Stage Three will involve the process
  on a planetary scale.  It is our intention to introduce the Genesis Device
  into a preselected area of a lifeless space body, a moon or other dead form.
  The device is delivered, instanteously causing what we call the 'Genesis
  Effect'.  Matter is reorganized with life-generating results.  Instead of a
  dead moon, a living, breathing planet capable of supporting whatever we see
  fit to deposit on it."
Spock: "Fascinating."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Carpe Cibum.
%%
Carpe Diem, lads. Sieze the day.
 Make your lives extraordinary.
 -- Robin Williams, Dead Poet's Society
%%
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero!
[Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!]
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
"Carpe Dinero" -- "Seize The Money"
 -- DaveMc
%%
Carpe DM:  Sieze the Dungeon Master.
%%
Carpe modem! Sieze the bandwith!
%%
Carpe Noctem   Seize the night   I do more work after
2AM than most people do all day
%%
Carpenter:  A guy who nails down his agreement...
%%
Carpenters are just plane folks.
%%
Carpenters hammer it harder.
%%
Carpenters nail harder.
%%
Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.:
  The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a
dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
CARPET FITTERS do it on their knees
%%
Carpet Fitting: Walter Wall
%%
Carpe that diem sucker!
%%
Carpet layers do it on the floor.
%%
Car phone answering machine: "Hi, I'm home right now..."
%%
Car Phones:  One more arrogant symbol of the Reagan Era.
%%
Car pooling - By Sharif d'Ride
%%
Car Repairs: Axel Grease
%%
Carried about with every wind of doctrine.
 -- New Testament
 -- Ephesians iv, 14
%%
Carrier Landing - Most Fun Possible with pants on!
%%
Carries a tire gauge in her purse.
%%
CARROT JUICE?!?!
 -- 6th Dr.
%%
Carrots do something for children's vision. Kids can spot carrots no matter
 how you disguise them.
%%
Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you.
Put them on the defensive. And don't even apologize for anything.
 -- Harry S. Truman, former U.S. president
%%
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
%%
Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat.
%%
CART DRIVER: Bring out your dead!
LARGE MAN:   Here's one!
CART DRIVER: Ninepence.
BODY:        I'm not dead!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
CART DRIVER: Bring out your dead!
   There are legs stick out of windows and doors.  Two MEN are fighting in the
   mud - covered from head to foot in it.  Another MAN is on his hands in
   knees shovelling mud into his mouth.  We just catch sight of a MAN falling
   into a well.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
CART DRIVER: Bring out your dead!
   We follow the cart through a wretched, impoverished plague-ridden village.
   A few starved mongrels run about in the mud scavenging.  In the open
   doorway of one house perhaps we jug glimpse a pair of legs dangling from
   the ceiling.  In another doorway an OLD WOMAN is beating a cat against a
   wall rather like one does with a mat.  The cart passes round a dead donkey
   or cow in the mud.  And a MAN tied to a cart is being hammered to death by
   four NUNS with huge mallets.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Carter didn't kill America...but Clinton just might!
%%
CARTESIAN, adj.  Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author
of the celebrated dictum, _Cogito ergo sum_ -- whereby he was pleased
to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence.  The dictum
might be improved, however, thus:  _Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum_ --
"I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an
approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Carthago delenda est!
%%
Cartoonists do it with just a few good strokes.
%%
Cartoons: music played in an automobile?
%%
Car trouble is when the car won't start and the payments won't stop.
%%
Cartwright: "Arrest those men."
Spock: "Arrest yourself!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Cartwright: "I don't know whether to congratulate you or not, Jim."
McCoy: "I wouldn't."
 -- "STVI"TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Cartwright: "I must protest.  To offer the Klingons safe haven within
Federation
  space is *suicide*."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Cartwright: "The opportunity here is to bring them to their knees.  Then we'll
  be in a far better position to dictate terms."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Carwashes which allow you to stay in the car are a lot more fun.
%%
:cascade: n. 1. A huge volume of spurious error-message output
   produced by a compiler with poor error recovery.  Too frequently,
   one trivial syntax error (such as a missing `)' or `}') throws the
   parser out of synch so that much of the remaining program text is
   interpreted as garbaged or ill-formed.  2. A chain of USENET
   followups, each adding some trivial variation or riposte to the text
   of the previous one, all of which is reproduced in the new message;
   an {include war} in which the object is to create a sort of
   communal graffito.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:case and paste: [from `cut and paste'] n. 1. The addition of a new
   {feature} to an existing system by selecting the code from an
   existing feature and pasting it in with minor changes.  Common in
   telephony circles because most operations in a telephone switch are
   selected using `case' statements.  Leads to {software bloat}.

   In some circles of EMACS users this is called `programming by
   Meta-W', because Meta-W is the EMACS command for copying a block of
   text to a kill buffer in preparation to pasting it in elsewhere.
   The term is condescending, implying that the programmer is acting
   mindlessly rather than thinking carefully about what is required to
   integrate the code for two similar cases.

   At DEC, this is sometimes called `clone-and-hack' coding.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cas. Every inordinate cup is unbless'd, and the ingredient is a devil.
Iago. Come, come, good wine is a good familiar creature, if it be well used.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Casey again: "You put a left handed batter up against a right handed
 pitcher and a right handed pitcher up against a left handed batter and on
 cloudy days you put up a fast pitcher and on warm days a slow pitcher."
%%
Casey came home from seeing the doctor looking very worried. His wife said,
 "What's the problem?" He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill
 every day for the rest of my life."

 She said, "So what, lots of people have to take a pill every day for the
 rest of their lives." He said, "I know, but he only gave me four."
 -- Hal Roach
%%
Casey saves, Muller picks up the rebound, he shoots, he scores!
%%
Casey's in the net, Danny goes right, fakes left, shoots, SCORES! "WUSS!"
%%
Cash: a poor man's credit card!
%%
CASH ONLY! We Know Your Kind!
%%
Cash value of this tagline: 1/20 of 1 cent
%%
Cassio, I love thee;
But never more be officer of mine.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
:casters-up mode: [IBM, prob. fr. slang belly up] n. Yet another
   synonym for `broken' or `down'.  Usually connotes a major
   failure.  A system (hardware or software) which is `down' may be
   already being restarted before the failure is noticed, whereas one
   which is `casters up' is usually a good excuse to take the rest
   of the day off (as long as you're not responsible for fixing
   it).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:casting the runes: n. What a {guru} does when you ask him or
   her to run a particular program and type at it because it never
   works for anyone else; esp. used when nobody can ever see what
   the guru is doing different from what J. Random Luser does.
   Compare {incantation}, {runes}, {examining the entrails};
   also see the AI koan about Tom Knight in "{A Selection
   of AI Koans}" ({Appendix A}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Castles in the air are all right until we try to move into them.
%%
Castles in the air cost a great deal to keep up.
%%
Castles in the air -- they're so easy to take refuge in.
So easy to build, too.
 -- Henrik Ibsen
%%
Castrate - the hotel rate for actors.
%%
Castration?!? Oh my god! I thought he said circumcision!
%%
Castration takes balls.
%%
Cast thy bread upon the waters; for thou shalt find it after many days.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xi, 1
%%
Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you.
 -- Psalm 55:22
%%
    Casual amusement can be one of a wizard's greatest problems. After all,
when one can conjure virtually anything, what can one do to 'get away from it
all?'
    Different wizards arrive at different solutions for their entertainment.
A sorcerer of my acquaintance decided to increase his physical prowess through
a vigorous program of exercise but found that his new muscles were wont to rip
through his robes midconjure. Another mage decided to develop the interplay
between tongue and teeth so that he could exactly reproduce any insect noise
imaginable. He became so successful at this that they discovered his corpse one
midsummer's eve, suffocated by six thousand three hundred and two amorous
katydids. And the wizard who tried to start personal communications between
humans and sheep... well, the less said the better.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XLIV
%%
... casual drug users should be executed for "aiding the enemy in time
of war."
 -- LAPD Chief Darryl Gates
%%
Casual: looks around, whistles, or sings.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
Casual sex is the best because you don't have to wear a tie.
 -- John Mendoza
%%
Cat: A Bit of Heaven Here On Earth.
%%
Cat advice: Take some time to eat the flowers.
%%
Cat: Alien that took over the Earth millenia ago.
%%
Cat: A nice animal, frequently mistaken for a meatloaf.
%%
CATapult: device for thowing cats long distances.
%%
Cat: A purr-bearing mammal.
%%
Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
Cat are always more sarcastic than dogs.
%%
Catarrh:  Stringed instrument...
%%
Cat: A small, furry beast resembling a meatloaf...
%%
Catastrophe: 38 Years of Liberal Democrats in Congress.
%%
Catastrophe: An award for the cat with the nicest buns.
%%
Catastrophes to others are everyday events to you.
%%
:catatonic: adj. Describes a condition of suspended animation in
   which something is so {wedged} or {hung} that it makes no
   response.  If you are typing on a terminal and suddenly the
   computer doesn't even echo the letters back to the screen as you
   type, let alone do what you're asking it to do, then the computer
   is suffering from catatonia (possibly because it has crashed).
   "There I was in the middle of a winning game of {nethack} and it
   went catatonic on me!  Aaargh!" Compare {buzz}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Catatonic:  An aging cat in desperate need for Geritol...
%%
Catatonic (n) - Italian beverage most preferred by cats.
%%
Cat bathing is a martial art.
%%
Cat - Car Target
%%
Catch a wave!
%%
Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world.
 -- The Beach Boys
%%
Catch the wave, or don't.  See if we care.
%%
Catch the wind, see it spin, sail away, live the day way up high in
 the sky.
 -- Jimmy Page and Robert Plant
%%
Catchup:  A hair ball...
%%
Cat: Companion in grace, beauty, mystery and curiosity!
%%
CAT.COM started.  Computer will furball in five seconds.
%%
CAT     Confused And Tired [UNIX]
%%
Cat:    Don't fish swim south for the winter?
Kryten: That's birds sir.
Cat:    Birds swim south for the winter?! How do they breathe?
 -- Red Dwarf 'Back to Reality'
%%
Categories on Iraqi "Jeopardy!":  Broadway show tunes.
%%
Categories on Iraqi "Jeopardy!":  Famous Mohammeds.
%%
Cat Eradication Council of Greater Toronto
%%
Caterpillar:  A soft scratching post for a kitten...
%%
Cat: Ethereal music wreathed in mystery.
%%
Cat: Fast, psychotoc animal bred for target practice.
%%
Cat: Fish!
Food machine: Today's fish is trout a la creme. Enjoy your meal!
Cat: Fish!
Food machine: Today's fish is trout a la creme. Enjoy your meal!
Cat: Fish!
Food machine: Today's fish is trout a la creme. Enjoy your meal!
Cat: Fish!
Food machine: Today's fish is trout a la creme. Enjoy your meal!
Cat: Fish!
Food machine: Today's fish is trout a la creme. Enjoy your meal!
Cat: Fish!
Food machine: Today's fish is trout a la creme. Enjoy your meal!
Cat: I will!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Balance of Power'
%%
CATFOOD.CAN not found. Eat Logitech mouse (Y/N)?
%%
Cat for rent.  Specialty:  barking dogs surgically removed.
%%
:cat: [from `catenate' via {{UNIX}} `cat(1)'] vt.
   1. [techspeak] To spew an entire file to the screen or some other
   output sink without pause.  2. By extension, to dump large amounts
   of data at an unprepared target or with no intention of browsing it
   carefully.  Usage: considered silly.  Rare outside UNIX sites.  See
   also {dd}, {BLT}.

   Among UNIX fans, `cat(1)' is considered an excellent example
   of user-interface design, because it delivers the file contents
   without such verbosity as spacing or headers between the files, and
   because it does not require the files to consist of lines of text,
   but works with any sort of data.

   Among UNIX haters, `cat(1)' is considered the {canonical}
   example of *bad* user-interface design, because of its
   woefully unobvious name.  It is far more often used to {blast} a
   file to standard output than to concatenate two files.  The name
   `cat' for the former operation is just as unintuitive as, say,
   LISP's {cdr}.

   Of such oppositions are {holy wars} made....
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CAT! GET AWAY from the monitor! Geezzzz!
%%
Catgut [n], My dog got fleas but my catgut kittens.
%%
Cat HAIR all over the keyboard..
%%
"Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword
 puzzles."
 -- Howard Chaykin
%%
CA, the Granola State - What ain't fruits is nutz.
%%
Cat-holic: Can't stop bringing cats home.
%%
Catholic girls, in the little white dress.
%%
Catholic girls... send me a dozen!
%%
Catholic girls, they never confess.
%%
Cat-holic (n.)  A cat with a drinking problem.
%%
Catholics do it A LOT.
%%
Catholics talk about it afterwards.
%%
Cat: I could've SWORN I heard the can opener!
%%
Cat:   If it's any help, I've been studying his tactics and there's a pattern
       emerging: Every time you make a move, he makes one too (winks to
       Holly).
Holly: (winks back) Thanks, Cat.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Queeg'
%%
Catifornia:  The sunshine State for cats...
%%
CAT: I hope that Schrodinger guy put litter in here...
%%
Cat:    Is that what I think it is?
Lister: What d'you think it is?
Cat:    An orange whirly thing in space!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Backwards'
%%
Cat \kat'\ n. 1: A dog with an attitude problem.
%%
Cat \kat'\ n, Small, four legged, fur bearing extortionist.
%%
Cat:    Look at my hands, I had lovely hands.
Lister: Well wear the smegging gloves.
Cat:    (picking up gloves) Marigold with blue?  Are you crazy?
 -- Red Dwarf 'Queeg'
%%
Cat: Look at that collar! You could go hang gliding!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Timeslides'
%%
Cat: Murphy's way of saying "Nice Furniture!"
%%
Cat: My god! His head burst!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Justice'
%%
Cat:    My stomach has been pumped and now I'm hungry! Man, I just
        /have/ to eat!
Lister: Rimmer's dad has died.
Cat:    Well, I'd prefer chicken.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Better Than Life'
%%
CAT (n.): 1. Furry keyboard cover. 2. Alarm clock. 3. Fur ball puker.
%%
Cat: (n) An Unprogrammable Animal.
%%
CAT, n.  A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be
kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

    This is a dog,
        This is a cat.
    This is a frog,
        This is a rat.
    Run, dog, mew, cat.
    Jump, frog, gnaw, rat.
                                                             Elevenson
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
CAT (n.): A walking ego with fur.
%%
Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
%%
Cat: Official mascot of the Tagline echo.
%%
Cato instigated the magistrates to punish all offenders, saying that
they that did not prevent crimes when they might, encouraged them.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Roman Apophthegms, Cato the Elder
%%
Catolick:  A religiously clean kitty...
%%
Cat-o'-nine-tails: Noodle machine accident.
%%
Cato requested old men not to add the disgrace of wickedness to old
age, which was accompanied with many other evils.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Roman Apophthegms, Cato the Elder
%%
Cato said, "I had rather men should ask why my statue is not set up,
than why it is."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Political Precepts
%%
Cato said the best way to keep good acts in memory was to refresh
them with new.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Apothegms, No, 247
%%
Cato the elder wondered how that city was preserved wherein a fish
was sold for more than an ox.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Roman Apophthegms, Cato the Elder
%%
Cato used to assert that wise men profited more by fools than fools
by wise men; for that wise men avoided the faults of fools, but that
fools would not imitate the good examples of wise men.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Marcus Cato
%%
Cat philosophy: It doesn't hurt to ask for what you want.
%%
Cat philosophy: When in doubt, cop an attitude.
%%
Cat - Pothole Cover
%%
Cat Problem: Picking hair off your keyboard.
%%
Cat purring on my shoulders - the ONLY way to wear fur!
%%
CAT reader seems to be conflicting with the mouse.
%%
Cats and ferrets don't HAVE the same paw prints.
%%
Cats are a waste of fur.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
Cats are companions. Dogs are slaves.
%%
Cats are dignified?  Ever watch one clean it's privates?
%%
Cats are easier to train than kids!
%%
Cats are hard on cars. Mostly when you chase them over curbs!
%%
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
 -- Garrison Keillor
%%
CATS ARE IT!
%%
Cats are like furry dilettanti, or the reverse?
%%
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
%%
Cats aren't intelligent; they just THINK they are.
%%
Cats Are PEOPLE Too.
%%
Cats are pretty cool - you can kill them nine times.
%%
Cats are proof that eating and sleeping aren't all bad.
%%
Cats are PROOF there is a higher purpose to the Universe.
%%
Cats are REAL ANIMALS!
%%
Cats are roommates. Dogs are kids.
%%
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled
 through snow.
 -- Jeff Valdez
%%
Cats are soft-furred mammals, who are mildly and clumsily predatory.   They
 have anywhere from two to a dozen neurons. The baseline intellect of a cat
 has two states.  1) Chow state (feeding frenzy) 2) Asleep mode (unconscious
 on your bed with whiskers twitching)
 -- Elaine Richards
%%
Cats are so marvelously true to themselves.
%%
Cats are the soul of honesty, hide not their dislikes.
%%
Catscan - a hi-tech device for examining cats.
%%
Cat Scan:  Searching for kitty...
%%
Cats do not keep mice away, they preserve them for the chase - Barron
%%
Cats don't ask.  Cats take.
%%
Cats do pay attention. Just plug them into the 240v line.  MEWWWR!
%%
Cats flattened while you watch.
 -- Bumpersticker
%%
Cats: God's way of telling you your furniture is too nice.
%%
Cats: Good for dusting high places.
%%
Cats have fur coats because they look silly in raincoats.
%%
Cats have it all -- admiration and an endless sleep
and company only when they want it.
 -- Rod McKuen
%%
Cats have their own lives;  get on with yours.
%%
Cats have the simplest of taste - the best will suffice.
%%
Cats instinctively know the precise moment their owners
 will awaken ... then they awaken them ten minutes sooner.
 -- Garfield's Law
 -- Jim Davis
%%
Cat's In The Bag! The Neighbours Holler!
%%
Cats know all the sunny places.
%%
Cats know how we feel. They don't give a damn, but they know.
%%
Cats KNOW how we feel - they just don't CARE about it!
%%
Cats Know Their Rights.
%%
Cats like to sit on what you are reading at the time.
%%
Cats like WINdoze, it seems to attract Mice...
%%
Cat - small animal when defurred, resembles Chinese food.
%%
Cats - nature's own pop-up targets!
%%
Cats often chase things that their person can't see.
%%
Cats: Pit bull junk food.
%%
Cats polished while you wait. Hot wax costs extra.
%%
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for
what you want."
 -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
Cats sit in laps because it's warm there. They don't care if it's you or
 the radiator, so it certainly was a compliment when the owner said the cat
 liked me. Who had this cat met that it was comparing me to? The maid?
 Another cat? Here's an animal which can't read, that hasn't been out of the
 house in God knows when, lives on free milk and garbage, and this bum has
 an opinion? Two years old, doesn't have a cent. No clothes. Owns one rotten
 rubber ball. For big entertainment it scratches on the upholstery. And this
 green-eyed impoverished snob likes me? Thanks a group.
 -- Henry Morgan
%%
Cats sleep on shelves like motorized bookends.
%%
Cats - the ultimate stress reliever.
%%
Cats - they're not so brave once they're in a microwave!
%%
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
%%
Catsup and Mustard all over the place!  It's the Human Hamburger!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Cats v. Rush Limbaugh: They both have fuzzy tales.
%%
Cats with blue eyes are invariably deaf.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
Cat: The only self-cleaning appliance in the house.
%%
Cat: This sounds like a twelve-change-of-underwear trip!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Terrorform'
%%
Catty: An afternoon gathering of gossips...
%%
Cat + unattended keyboard = garbage all over screen.
%%
Cat:    What? Am I the only sane one here?  Why don't we drop the
        defensive shields?
Kryten: A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws.
        One: We don't have any defensive shields, and Two: We don't
        have any defensive shields.  Now, I realise that, technically
        speaking, that's only one flaw, but I thought that it was such
        a big one it was worth mentioning twice.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Holoship'
%%
Cat:            What is it?
Rimmer:         It's a rent in the space-time continuum.
Cat:            What is it?
Lister:         The stasis room freezes time, you know, makes time stand
                still.  So whenever you have a leak, it must preserve
                whatever it's leaked into, and it's leaked into this room.
Cat:            What is it?
Rimmer:         It's singularity, a point in the universe where the normal
                laws of space and time don't apply.
Cat:            What is it?
Lister:         It's a hole back into the past.
Cat:            Oh, a magic door!  Well, why didn't you say?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Stasis Leak'
%%
Caught cheating with shoes off; reading footnotes.
%%
Cauliflower for brains.
%%
Caulking / saran wrap.
%%
"...'cause anyone who would buy this record couldn't
give a fuck if there's good musicians on it....
'cause this is a STUPID song...
...AND THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT!"
 -- Frank Zappa, lyrics to "Little Green Rosetta" in "Joe's Garage"
%%
Cause I love my ol' tag...
%%
Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground.
%%
Cause of Death: CRC Error.
%%
"... 'cause they're Vampire Hookers,
 and blood is not all they suck!"
 -- from "Vampire Hookers", (theme song to "Vampire Hookers")
%%
Cauterize:  Made eye contact with her...
%%
CAUTION! Be very careful of warnings.
%%
CAUTION! Blown Brain At Work!
%%
CAUTION! Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
%%
CAUTION! BUG Bashing in progress - Caution!
%%
CAUTION! Computer Store Ahead - Hide Credit Cards!
%%
CAUTION! Contents under pressure!
%%
CAUTION! Corny tagline alert.
%%
CAUTION! Do not install prior to installation.
%%
CAUTION! Do not operate PC while intoxicated.
%%
CAUTION: Do not play in dumster.
 -- found on an industrial size dumster
%%
 CAUTION: Do not put fingers thru rotating blades.
 -- found under the hood of my car
%%
"Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
 -- Sign Seen on Amish Buggy in Illinois
%%
CAUTION! Do not wash your parakeet in the automatic dishwasher, since it is
 now known that the feathers tend to clog the drain.
%%
CAUTION! Evolution can be hazardous to your ego.
%%
CAUTION! High Pressure!!!  Contents are PKZIPED!!
%%
CAUTION! Hockey is addictive.
%%
CAUTION! Hungry Dieter. May bite if provoked .
%%
CAUTION! I brake for Bauds (If I see 'em)
%%
CAUTION! INCORRIGABLE PUNSTER!  DON'T INCORRIGE
%%
Caution--I was not hired for my disposition
%%
CAUTION! Moose crossing tagline   +++ +++   Caution!
%%
CAUTION! Off Medication and Dangerous...
%%
CAUTION! PET XING.
%%
CAUTION! Programmer at work!
%%
CAUTION! REMOVE CAT FROM MICROWAVE WHEN NOT IN USE.
%%
CAUTION! Sensitive SysOp - DO NOT offend !!!! :->
%%
CAUTION! Student BBS'er at the Wheel...
%%
CAUTION! SysOp under pressure!
%%
CAUTION! Tagline Addict on board!!  use taglines carefully!
%%
CAUTION! Tagline may contain small parts. Not for children under 3.
%%
CAUTION! Taglines may be closer than they appear!
%%
CAUTION! Taglines may be hazardous to your disk space!
%%
CAUTION! The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million
 Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
%%
CAUTION! The tagline you steal may be your own!
%%
CAUTION! The Users Bite.
%%
CAUTION! This stuff is addictive...
%%
CAUTION! This tagline stop's for page breaks.
%%
CAUTION: This vehicle stops at red lights.
 -- Seen on a bumper sticker
%%
CAUTION! Use with a 3-wire electrical system only!
%%
CAUTION! We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical.
%%
Cautious monks practice safe sects.
%%
Cavaliers do it mounted.
%%
CA VA SANS DIR - And that's not gossip.
%%
Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove.
%%
Cavendish:  A variety of pipe tobacco that is reputed to produce
   remarkably clear thought processes, and thereby leads
   to major scientific discoveries; hence, the name of a
   British research laboratory where the tobacco is
   smoked in abundance.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
CAVERS do it in the mud
%%
Cave(wo)men all belong to the same club.
%%
CAVILER, n.  A critic of our own work.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cavorting about like that isn't proper behavior.
 -- Picard
%%
CBA: Compare and Branch Anyway
%%
C:\> Bad command or Filename. Go stand in the corner.
%%
C:\> Bad Command or Filename. Or maybe you screwed up.
%%
CBBR: Crash and Blow Boot Read-only memory
%%
CB: Consult Bozo
%%
C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files ^^^oo^^^
%%
C'Bers do it on the air.
%%
CBNC: Close, But No Cigar
%%
CBS: Clobber BootStrap
%%
CCB: Chocolate Chip Byte-mode
%%
CCB: Consult Crystal Ball
%%
CC      Call Calvary
%%
CCC - Campus Crusade for Cthulhu.
%%
CCC: Crash if Carry Clear
%%
CCCI    Clear Condition-Codes Indefinitely
%%
CC: Compliment Core
%%
CCCP: Conditionally Corrupt Current Process
%%
CCCP:> format CCCP: /u
%%
CC      Crappy Control [UNIX]
%%
CCD: Choke Cough and Die
%%
CCD: Clear Core and Dump
%%
CCD     Clear Current Directory
%%
CC -G -A -Z  HELLO.C GOODBYE.C ABBEY.C ROAD.C
 -- Dennis M. Ritchie
%%
CChheecckk  yyoouurr  dduupplleexx  sswwiittcchh..
%%
CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom.
%%
CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
%%
CCITT=Confused Corporations In Thrall to Terror
%%
C++ classes - call for times and dates!
%%
C:\CLINTON.EXE  Bad President or File Name
%%
C:\CLINTON\TRUTH.COM not found.  Abort, Retry, Impeach?
%%
C code. C code run. Run, code, run!
%%
C code. C code run. Run, code, run. PLEASE!
%%
C:\COFFEE.POT missing: (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep
%%
C:\COPY A:\DAD\*.DNA+B:\MOM\*.DNA C:\BABY.EXE
%%
C:\> COPY A:\MOTHER.DNA+B:\FATHER.DNA C:\BABY.EXE.
%%
CCR: Change Channels at Random
%%
CCS: Chinese Character Set
%%
CCWR: Change Color of Write Ring
%%
C:\DAMSEL.EXE crosslinked w/DISTRESS.COM--RESCUE?(y/n)
%%
CDC: Clear Disk and Crash
%%
CDC: Close Disk Cover
%%
CD C:\IRAQ ... DEL HUSSEIN.SDM ...
%%
CD: Complement Disk
%%
- CDHU - Collateral damage humanoid units - people who get in the way. Not
          that we're purposely aiming at them, but let's face it, it's no
          loss really as they probably aren't Christians and most don't even
          speak English. That's what comes of not being born on the right
          side, in a God-fearing country; serves 'em right, really.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
C:\Divorce.Sys `Echo Y| Erase \Wife\*.*`
%%
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\CRASH
%%
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\AMUCK
%%
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\WINDOWS C:\DOS\RUN\SLOW
%%
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\CRASH\DOS
%%
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN PLEASE\DOS\RUN
%%
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
%%
C:\DOS\SYSTEM\UTILS\DOCS\HELP\WHERE THE F()@% AM I!
%%
C:\DOS\UTILITIES\DOCS\HELP\WHERE\THE\HECK\AM\I
%%
:cdr: /ku'dr/ or /kuh'dr/ [from LISP] vt. To skip past the
   first item from a list of things (generalized from the LISP
   operation on binary tree structures, which returns a list
   consisting of all but the first element of its argument).  In the
   form `cdr down', to trace down a list of elements:  "Shall we
   cdr down the agenda?"  Usage: silly.  See also {loop through}.

   Historical note: The instruction format of the IBM 7090 that hosted
   the original LISP implementation featured two 15-bit fields called
   the `address' and `decrement' parts.  The term `cdr' was originally
   `Contents of Decrement part of Register'.  Similarly, `car' stood
   for `Contents of Address part of Register'.

   The cdr and car operations have since become bases for
   formation of compound metaphors in non-LISP contexts.  GLS recalls,
   for example, a programming project in which strings were
   represented as linked lists; the get-character and skip-character
   operations were of course called CHAR and CHDR.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
# cd /; rm -rf * .* &
%%
CDS: Change Disk Speed
%%
CD \TELIX\ACCESS\QEDIT\TAGLINE:MESSAGE.
%%
:cd tilde: /C-D til-d*/ vi.  To go home.  From the UNIX C-shell
   and Korn-shell command `cd ~', which takes one to
   one's `$HOME' (`cd' with no arguments happens to do the
   same thing).  By extension, may be used with other arguments; thus,
   over an electronic chat link, `cd ~coffee' would
   mean "I'm going to the coffee machine."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy.
%%
Cease, every joy, to glimmer on my mind,
But leave, oh leave the light of Hope behind!
What though my winged hours of bliss have been
Like angel visits, few and far between.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 375
%%
Cease ye from man, whose breath is in his nostrils.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah ii, 22
%%
Cecil Parkinson (UK MP):
She's just a f%*king secratery
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Ceci | n'est pas une pipe
%%
Celebrate Earth Day
%%
Celebrate Freedom:  Read a banned book!
%%
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
%%
Celebrate the first day you open the windows.
%%
Celebrity Shadenfreude:
 Lurid thrills derived from talking about celebrity deaths.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Celery farmers play the stalk market.
%%
Celery raw develops a jaw. But stewed, is quietly chewed
%%
Celestial Mechanic--inclined to be eccentric
%%
Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the
center of the universe.  The premise is wrong, but the navigation
works.  An incorrect model can be a useful tool.
 -- Kelvin Throop III
%%
Celibacy is hereditary.
%%
Celibacy is not hereditary.
 -- First Law of Socio-Genetics
%%
Celibacy is not hereditary.
 -- Guy Godin
%%
CELLISTS give better hand jobs
%%
Cel. Not a word?
Ros. Not one to throw at a dog.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
CELSIUS, ANDERS (1701-44)
  Swedish astronomer. At the age of 25, he had a raging argument with
  best friend Gabriel Daniel Fahrenheit (1686-1736) when he claimed
  that Fahrenheit's system of measuring temperature was completely
  fucked, and that he could design a better system whilst standing on
  his head blindfolded in a bucket of lard. Fahrenheit rose to the
  challenge, bringing along his friend Jeff Imperial, a blindfold,
  and a very large bucket of lard. Celsius's good friend Verner Von
  Metric stood by as Celsius designed his system of measuring
  temperature. Celsius and Metric then got into a huge fight with
  Fahrenheit and Imperial, and they ended up throwing ice cubes and
  boiling water at one another. It was only later that they realised
  that Celsius's brother Kelvin had been watching all the time and
  had ripped off the new design and sold it to an entrepreneur.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Cement shoes, dirt cheap. Ask for Guido.
%%
Cemetery: (n); A marble orchard you can take for granite.
%%
CEMETERY, n.  An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies,
poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager.  The
inscriptions following will serve to illustrate the success attained
in these Olympian games:

        His virtues were so conspicuous that his enemies, unable to
    overlook them, denied them, and his friends, to whose loose lives
    they were a rebuke, represented them as vices.  They are here
    commemorated by his family, who shared them.

        In the earth we here prepare a
        Place to lay our little Clara.
                                             Thomas M. and Mary Frazer
        P.S. -- Gabriel will raise her.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
CEMU: Close Eyes and Monkey with User space
%%
Ce n'est qu'un debut.
Continuons le combat.
[It is just a beginning. Let us go on fighting]
 -- Slogan, Paris, 1968
%%
CENSORED BY THE TAGLINE POLICE...
%%
Censor:  (n) One who drinks too much prude juice.
%%
Censorship is something [[[[[[ [[[[ I do [[[ like
%%
Censorship, like charity, should begin at home, but unlike charity, it
should end there.
 -- Clare Boothe Luce
%%
"Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself. It is a
hallmark of an authoritative regime."
 -- Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart
%%
"Censorship rules!"

What the XXXX is that XXXXXXXXX XXXXXX talking about?
 -- Yoshi
%%
Censorship sucks///// is for your own good
%%
Censorship: The reaction of the ignorant to freedom.
%%
Censorship?  We don't have any censorship here.  If we did, I couldn't
say ---- or ------ ------!
%%
Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Thoughts on Various Subjects
%%
Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so,
 how many?
%%
Cent, 5 cent, 10 cent, dollar.
%%
CENTAUR, n.  One of a race of persons who lived before the division of
labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who
followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse."  The
best of the lot was Chiron, who to the wisdom and virtues of the horse
added the fleetness of man.  The scripture story of the head of John
the Baptist on a charger shows that pagan myths have somewhat
sophisticated sacred history.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Center For Advanced Cat Juggling!
%%
Centerline Bovine
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Center meeting at 4 pm in 2C-543.
%%
Central Intelligence (Agency)
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Centrifugation relies on the sedimentation of particles in an increased
gravitational field.
 -- Scopes, 'Protein Purification Principles and Practice'. 1982.
%%
CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities.
%%
Ce qui est chouette avec VMS c'est le temps qu'on perd a faire
fonctionner les choses, avant de pouvoir travailler.
%%
C:\> erase c:\reality.sys; copy a:\pern\*.* c:
%%
CERBERUS, n.  The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the
entrance -- against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody,
sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the
entrance.  Cerberus is known to have had three heads, and some of the
poets have credited him with as many as a hundred.  Professor
Graybill, whose clerky erudition and profound knowledge of Greek give
his opinion great weight, has averaged all the estimates, and makes
the number twenty-seven -- a judgment that would be entirely
conclusive is Professor Graybill had known (a) something about dogs,
and (b) something about arithmetic.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cereal killer caught while cashing victim's Chex.
%%
Cereal killer convicted - gets Life!
%%
Cereal killer escapes -- Trix police!
%%
Cereal killer said to be a Flake.
%%
Cereal Killer Strikes Again! Cap'n Crunch found dead.
%%
Cereal Killer Strikes Again - does it for Kix!
%%
Cereal port 1 error, frosted flakes NOT found!
%%
Cerebral Babylon - Because the mind is a terrible thing to taste.
%%
"Cerebus can destroy ANYTHING.  Cerebus is the POPE."
 -- Cerebus
%%
Cerebus:        I'd love to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.
Jaka:               Look, Cerebus-- Jaka has to tell you ... something
Cerebus:    If Cerebus had a navel, would you lick apricot brandy
         out of it?
Jaka:               Ugh!
Cerebus:  You don't like apricot brandy?
 -- Cerebus #6, "The Secret"
%%
:Ceremonial Chemicals:

Most hackers don't smoke tobacco, and use alcohol in moderation if at
all (though there is a visible contingent of exotic-beer fanciers, and a
few hackers are serious oenophiles).  Limited use of non-addictive
psychedelic drugs, such as cannabis, LSD, psilocybin, and nitrous oxide,
etc., used to be relatively common and is still regarded with more
tolerance than in the mainstream culture.  Use of `downers' and opiates,
on the other hand, appears to be particularly rare; hackers seem in
general to dislike drugs that make them stupid.  On the third hand, many
hackers regularly wire up on caffeine and/or sugar for all-night hacking
runs.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old
friends lacked certain quirks.
 -- Goethe
%%
Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed, and continue living. 
%%
Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and I
will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of
situations.  And I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a
news conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it
there!  Does that answer your question?
 -- Senator Dan Quayle, when asked what he would do if he
assumed the Presidency,  10/10/88  (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
~
I had not had that question before.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why, during the Bentsen
debate,  he couldn't say what he would do if he suddenly
became president, 10/6/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Certainly nothing is unnatural that is not physically impossible.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't
bet, you can't win.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying then without money?
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
Certainly this is a duty, not a sin. "Cleanliness is indeed next to godliness."
 -- John Wesley (1703-1791)
 -- Sermon xciii, On Dress
%%
Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and
the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion.    A judge of the
Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his
candidate which reads, In the Nuts (unground), (other than ground
nuts) Order, the expression nuts shall have reference to such nuts,
other than ground nuts, as would but for this amending Order not
qualify as nuts (unground)(other than ground nuts) by reason of their
being nuts (unground).
 -- from the Guinness Book of World Records, 1973
%%
Certain things shouldn't be moved.
 -- Murray Teigh Bloom
%%
Certainty is only a symptom of lack of imagination.
%%
Certifiably drain-bamaged ...
%%
Certified Debugger = VW Mechanic with Inspection License
%%
Certified Public Assassin.
%%
Certified Rocket Scientist.
%%
Certified to serve!
%%
Certum est quia impossibile est.
[It is certain because it is impossible.]
 -- Tertullian (160-240 AD)
 -- De Carne Christi, c. 5
%%
Certum quod factum.
%%
Cervantes smil'd Spain's chivalry away.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xiii, Stanza 11
%%
Cesarean Section: A historic district in Rome.
%%
C'est la vie.
%%
C'est la vie, C'est la guerre, Say no more.
%%
C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre.
 -- Marshal Bosquet
%%
"Ceterum censeo clitorem Vostris Sanctissimae Majestatis ante
coitum excitandam esse."
 -- Advice given to Empress Maria Theresa by her personal physician.
%%
CEX: Call EXterminator
%%
CF: Come From [replaces goto]
%%
CFE     Call Field Engineer [What do you call them?]
%%
CFP: Change and Forget Password
%%
CFS: Corrupt File Structure
%%
CGA = Computer Geeks Anonymous
%%
CGA is the pallete from hell
%%
CG: Convert to Garbage
%%
:chad box: n. A metal box about the size of a lunchbox (or in some
   models a large wastebasket), for collecting the {chad} (sense 2)
   that accumulated in {Iron Age} card punches.  You had to open
   the covers of the card punch periodically and empty the chad box.
   The {bit bucket} was notionally the equivalent device in the CPU
   enclosure, which was typically across the room in another great
   gray-and-blue box.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:chad: /chad/ n. 1. The perforated edge strips on printer paper, after
   they have been separated from the printed portion.  Also called
   {selvage} and {perf}.  2. obs. The confetti-like paper bits punched
   out of cards or paper tape; this was also called `chaff', `computer
   confetti', and `keypunch droppings'.

   Historical note: One correspondent believes `chad' (sense 2)
   derives from the Chadless keypunch (named for its inventor), which
   cut little u-shaped tabs in the card to make a hole when the tab
   folded back, rather than punching out a circle/rectangle; it was
   clear that if the Chadless keypunch didn't make them, then the
   stuff that other keypunches made had to be `chad'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:chain: 1. [orig. from BASIC's `CHAIN' statement] vi. To hand
   off execution to a child or successor without going through the
   {OS} command interpreter that invoked it.  The state of the
   parent program is lost and there is no returning to it.  Though
   this facility used to be common on memory-limited micros and is
   still widely supported for backward compatibility, the jargon usage
   is semi-obsolescent; in particular, most UNIX programmers will
   think of this as an {exec}.  Oppose the more modern
   `subshell'.  2. A series of linked data areas within an
   operating system or application.  `Chain rattling' is the process
   of repeatedly running through the linked data areas searching for
   one which is of interest to the executing program.  The implication
   is that there is a very large number of links on the chain.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Chaining:
A method of attaching programmers to desk, to speed up output.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Chain Lightning:  For when you just can't stop at one.
%%
Chainsaw...splashguard...new goggles...:Jeffery Dalhmer Xmas list...
%%
Chain Tagline, add one to the number when you steel it. [00031]
%%
Chain Tagline: Now stolen [266] times. Add 1 as stolen.
%%
Chain tagline; steal this or suffer consequences.
%%
"Chair"

     Four legs,
    Supports students
     Like
  Jock Strap
    Supports atheletes.
 -- "Sir Victor"
%%
Champagne don't make me lazy.
Cocaine don't drive me crazy.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
 -- Taj Mahal
%%
Champagne is the only wine a woman can drink and still remain beautiful.
 -- Mme. de Pompadour
%%
Champagne to our real friends...and real pain to our sham friends.
%%
Chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.
 -- Euripides
%%
Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he does not wish to sign his work.
 -- Anatole France
%%
Chang: "Ahh, 'the game's afoot', hmm?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "And were you obeying or disobeying orders...when you arranged the
  assassination of Chancellor Gorkon?"
Kirk: "I didn't know about the assassination until we boarded the ship."
Chang: "Do you still deny that you did not fire on Kronos One?"
Worf: "Your Honors, *please*!"
Chang: "And do you still deny your men beamed aboard and shot the chancellor?"
Worf: "Objection!"
Kirk: "I cannot confirm or deny actions I did not witness."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "And you have a singular wit, Doctor."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "Captain Kirk, are you aware, that as the captain of a starship, you are
required to be responsible for the actions of your crew?"
Kirk: "I am."
Chang: "And if it should be proved that members of your crew *did* in fact
carry out such an assassination..."
McCoy: "Jim, they're setting us up!  Your Honors--"
Worf: "Do not answer!"
Judge: "Captain Kirk, you will answer the question!"
Kirk: "As captain...I am responsible for the conduct of the crew under my
command."
Chang: "Your Honors, the State rests."
 -- STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "'Cry havoc!  And let slip the dogs of war!'"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "Doctor McCoy, would you be so good as to tell me...what is your current
  medical status?"
McCoy: "Aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Change a life; make someone feel important.
%%
Change is good, but dollars are better.
%%
Change is inevitable- except from a vending machine.
 -- Robert C. Gallagher
%%
Change is not progress.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
'Change' is scientific, 'progress' is ethical; change is indubitable,
whereas progress is a matter of controversy.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Change is the essential process of all existence.
 -- Spock, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield," stardate 5730.2.
%%
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are
certain to miss the future.
 -- John F. Kennedy, 1964
%%
Change, my dear. And it seems not a moment too soon!
 -- The SIXTH Doctor
%%
Change starts when someone sees the next step.
 -- William Drayton
%%
Change your life!   Change your socks!  Change yourself into a 9 year-old Hindu
boy!
%%
Change your mind, it's starting to smell.
%%
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
%%
Chang: "Have you not a shred a decency...in you, Kirk?  We come in peace, and
  you *blatantly* defile that peace!  And for that, I shall blow you out of the
  stars!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "I can see you, Kirk."
Kirk: "Chang!"
Chang: "Can you see me?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "I have so wanted to meet you, Captain."
Kirk: "I'm not sure how to take that."
Kerla: "Sincere admiration, Kirk."
Chang: "From one warrior to another?"
Kirk: "Right."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Chang: "'I'm as constant as the Northern Star!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Changing Diapers is not just a job, it's a doody.
%%
Changing gears, here.
%%
Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before
anyone else is creativeness.
 -- Antony Jay
%%
Chang: "I offer into the record this excerpt from the captain's personal log."
Kirk: "I have never trusted Klingons...and I never will. I have never been able
to forgive them...for the death of my boy."
Chang: "AGAIN!  AGAIN!"
Kirk: "I have never trusted Klingons...and I never will. I have never been able
to forgive them...for the death of my boy."
Chang: "Were those your words?"
Kirk: "Those words were spoken by me."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "Oh, now be honest, Captain.  Warrior to warrior.  You do prefer
it this  way, don't you, as it was meant to be.  No peace in our time.
 'Once more onto  the breach, dear friends.'"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "Our battles now are ended, Kirk."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "Tell me, Captain Kirk, will you be willing...to give up Starfleet?"
Spock: [Clears throat]  "I believe the captain feels that Starfleet's mission
  has always been one of peace."
Chang: "Ah."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Chang: "Tell us that you planned to take revenge for the death of your son."
Kirk: "That's not true."
Worf: "Objection!  Captain Kirk has not been identified as the assassin!"
Judge: "Sustained."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "The Enterprise fired on Kronos One without provocation, the chancellor
  and his advisors, having been lulled into a false sense of security, by an
  invitation to a state dinner aboard Captain Kirk's vessel, at precisely
  nineteen-hundred and thirty hours that same evening."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "There we have it, citizens.  We have finally established the
particulars
  of the crime.  And now, we come to the architect of this tragic event...James
  ...*Tiberius*...Kirk."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "'Tickle us do we not laugh, prick us do we not bleed, wrong us...shall
  we not revenge.'"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "'To be or not to be?'  That is the question which preoccupies our
  people, Captain Kirk.  We need breathing room."
Kirk: "Earth, Hitler, 1938."
Chang: "I beg your pardon?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Chang: "Under Article Number 184 of your...Interstellar Law, I am placing you
  under arrest, for the charge of assassinating...the Chancellor of the High
  Council."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "Was Chancellor Gorkon...alive when you first examined him?"
McCoy: "Barely." Chang: "Now be careful, Doctor, have you ever, in
your past, saved...patients as  'barely' alive as he?" McCoy: "I didn't
have the medical knowledge I needed for Klingon anatomy." Chang: "I
see." McCoy: "You were there!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "Well, most kind.  'Parting is such sweet sorrow', hmm?"  [Laughs]
  "Captain?  Have we not heard 'the chimes at midnight'?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Chang: "What would your favorite author say, 'Let us sit upon the ground and
  tell sad stories of the death of kings.'  Tell us your sad story, Kirk."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "Your father was killed for what he wanted."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "You say you are due for retirement!  May I ask, do your hands
shake?" Worf: "Objection!" McCoy: "I was nervous!" Chang: "No.  You
were incompetant.  You were incompetant!  Whether deliberately  or
as a result of age combined with drink!  The court will have to determine."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chang: "You were demoted?"
Kirk: "Yes."
Chang: "For insubordiation?"
Kirk: "On occasion, I have disobeyed orders."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
:channel hopping: [IRC, GEnie] n. To rapidly switch channels on
   {IRC}, or a GEnie chat board, just as a social butterfly might hop
   from one group to another at a party.  This term may derive from the TV
   watcher's idiom, `channel surfing'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Channeling is just bad ventriloquism.  You use another voice,
but people can see your lips moving.
 -- Penn Jillette
%%
Channeling is when something invades your body and makes you talk funny and
 say strange things...which is what happens to most people when they drink
 too much.
%%
:channel: [IRC] n. The basic unit of discussion on {IRC}.  Once
   one joins a channel, everything one types is read by others on that
   channel.  Channels can either be named with numbers or with strings
   that begin with a `#' sign and can have topic descriptions (which
   are generally irrelevant to the actual subject of discussion).
   Some notable channels are `#initgame', `#hottub', and
   `#report'.  At times of international crisis, `#report'
   has hundreds of members, some of whom take turns listening to
   various news services and typing in summaries of the news, or in
   some cases, giving first-hand accounts of the action (e.g., Scud
   missile attacks in Tel Aviv during the Gulf War in 1991).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:channel op: /chan'l op/ [IRC] n. Someone who is endowed with
   privileges on a particular {IRC} channel; commonly abbreviated
   `chanop' or `CHOP'.  These privileges include the right to
   {kick} users, to change various status bits, and to make others
   into CHOPs.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CHANNELS - The guy who has a desk between two expeditors.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
Chantilly Lace had a pretty face; a ponytail, hanging down.
%%
Chaos is King, and Magic is loose in the world
%%
Chaos is your friend.
%%
Chaos (n): mass confusion; disorder - see also American Government
%%
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.
 -- Henry B. Adams
%%
Chaos of thought and passion, all confused;
Still by himself abused or disabused;
Created half to rise, and half to fall;
Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all;
Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurled,--
The glory, jest, and riddle of the world.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 13
%%
Chaotic Amorals have more fun
%%
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Chaparral - A men only arral.
%%
Chaperone: a form of fire extinguisher.
%%
Chapter XIII

OF Auxiliary, Mixed, and National Arms

The second sort of unprofitable arms are auxiliaries, by whom I mean, troops
brought to help and protect you by a potentate whom you summon to your aid;

Auxiliaries may be excellent and useful soldiers for themselves, but are
always hurtful to him who calls them in; for if they are defeated, he is
undone, if victorious, he becomes their prisoner.  . . .

 -- from The Prince, by Niccolo Machiavelli, 1513
%%
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of
trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition
inspired and success achieved. 
 -- Helen Keller
%%
Character Density, n.:
   The number of very weird people in the office.
%%
Character doesn't matter!
(The Press)
%%
Character is a perfectly educated will.
 -- Novalis
%%
Character is much easier kept than recovered.
%%
Character is that which can do without success.
 -- Emerson
%%
Characteristics, specifications, dimensions and any other data included
in technical documents must be stated in exotic units, such as tenth of
troy once per barn for pressures, or acre times atmosphere per kilogram
for speeds.
 -- Universal Tech Document Units Law
%%
Character is what God and the angels know of
us; reputation is what men and women think of us.
 -- Horace Mann
%%
Character is what you are in the dark.
 -- Dwight Moody, Sermons
%%
Character is who you are in the dark.
 -- Lord John Whorfin
%%
Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness
%%
char c[99],s[]="char c[99],s[]=@@@;main(){strcpy(c,s);s[15]=34;s[16]=0;s[17]=34
;printf(s);printf(c);puts(&s[17]);}";main(){strcpy(c,s);s[15]=34;s[16]=0;s[17]=
34;printf(s);printf(c);puts(&s[17]);}
%%
char *c[]= {"ENTER", "NEW", "POINT", "FIRST", };
char **cp[]= {c + 3, c + 2, c + 1, c};
char ***cpp= cp;
main()
{
  printf("%s", **++cpp);
  printf("%s ", *--*++cpp + 3);
  printf("%s", *cpp[-2] + 3);
  printf("%s\n", cpp[-1][-1] + 1);
}
%%
Charity:  a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Charity begins at home.
%%
Charity covers a multitude of sins, but curiosity soon uncovers them again.
%%
Charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Peter iv, 8
%%
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity
vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth
not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth; beareth all things, believeth
all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
 -- I Corinthians xiii, 4-7
%%
Charity suffereth long and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth
not itself, is not puffed up.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xiii, 4
%%
:charityware: /cha'rit-ee-weir`/ n. Syn. {careware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:char: /keir/ or /char/; rarely, /kar/ n. Shorthand for
   `character'.  Esp. used by C programmers, as `char' is
   C's typename for character data.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
%%
Charleston, SC * Charleston's Finest!!!
%%
"     "
 -- Charlie Chaplin
"     "
 -- Harpo Marx
"     "
 -- Marcel Marceau
"Ack, phfftt"
 -- Bill the Cat
%%
Charlie don't surf.
 -- Col. Kilgore (Apocalypse Now)
%%
Charly the Bingo God says  Mundo No to Null Backups @ copyland
 -- dan is doing allniters again
%%
Charm ache with air, and agony with words.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Charm'd with the foolish whistling of a name
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Virgil, Georgics, Book ii, Line 72
%%
Charming as a carbuncle.
%%
Charming man, I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry him.
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Aurthur Dent
%%
Charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto v, Line 34
%%
  Charon: fiery singer now playing the styx.
 -- Not-so-Famous People from History
%%
Char *p="char *p=%c%s%c;main(){printf(p,34,p,34);}";main(){printf(p,34,p,34);}
%%
"Charracter is whata you arre ina the dark!"
 -- E. Lizardo
%%
Char (*(*x())[])()
%%
"C++ has a host of operators that will be explained if and where needed."
 -- "The C++ Programming Language".
%%
Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though
you never touch its coattails.
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
Chase brave employment with a naked sword
Throughout the world.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Church Porch
%%
:chase pointers: 1. vi. To go through multiple levels of
   indirection, as in traversing a linked list or graph structure.
   Used esp. by programmers in C, where explicit pointers are a very
   common data type.  This is techspeak, but it remains jargon when
   used of human networks.  "I'm chasing pointers.  Bob said you
   could tell me who to talk to about...." See {dangling
   pointer} and {snap}.  2. [Cambridge] `pointer chase' or
   `pointer hunt': The process of going through a {core dump}
   (sense 1), interactively or on a large piece of paper printed with
   hex {runes}, following dynamic data-structures.  Used only in a
   debugging context.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Chasing women has never harmed any one,
it's catching them that does the damage.
%%
Chaste as the icicle
That 's curdied by the frost from purest snow
And hangs on Dian's temple.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Chaste makes waste.
%%
Chaste: why virgins run.
%%
Chastise the good child and he will mend, chastise the bad and he will grow
worse.
%%
Chastity is a monkish and evangelical superstition, a greater foe
to natural temperance even than unintellectual sensuality; it strikes
at the root of all domestic happiness, and consigns more than half
of the human race to misery.
 -- Shelley
%%
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
%%
Chastity is its own punishment.
%%
Chastity:
 The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Chat mode is disabled during Dr Who.
%%
CHCJ: Compare Haig to Christine Jorgensen
%%
CH: Create Havoc
%%
Cheaper than IBM: P.C. Clone
%%
Cheap Saudi apartments: Call Low-Rents of Arabia
%%
Cheap software doesn't *have* to be good!
%%
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
%%
Cheating on His Wife: Izzy Backyet
%%
Check again to make SURE it's not loaded.
%%
CHECK AND RESET THE DATE!
%%
Check book: a book with a unhappy ending.
%%
Check for *.bat's in your c:\belfry\ !
%%
Check for toilet paper *before* sitting down.
%%
Check, Mr. Spock?

Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
 -- Kirk and Spock, "A Piece of the Action," stardate unknown
%%
:check: n. A hardware-detected error condition, most commonly used
   to refer to actual hardware failures rather than software-induced
   traps.  E.g., a `parity check' is the result of a
   hardware-detected parity error.  Recorded here because the word
   often humorously extended to non-technical problems. For example,
   the term `child check' has been used to refer to the problems
   caused by a small child who is curious to know what happens when
   s/he presses all the cute buttons on a computer's console (of
   course, this particular problem could have been prevented with
   {molly-guard}s).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Checkpoint:
The location from which a programmer draws his salary.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Check the dilithium crystals, we got us a cross-echo!
%%
Check the whiskers, whats going on out there?
%%
Check to see if you any words out.
 -- Writing Rule 15
%%
Checkuary, n.:
        The thirteenth month of the year.  Begins New Year's Day and
ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his
checks.
%%
Check your altimeter! Pull a lever! Push a button!
%%
Check your hormones at the door.  THANKS
 -- The Management
%%
Cheeble softly, and carry a big chewstick.
%%
Cheech!  Hey!  Cheech!
%%
Cheerfulness is the principal ingredient in the composition of health.
 -- A. Murphy, The Apprentice, II, 4
%%
Cheerful pessimist
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Cheerleaders do it enthusiastically.
%%
Cheer up--if the economy collapses completely, you
won't owe your student loan to anybody
%%
Cheer up man. The worst is yet to come.
%%
Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
%%
Cheer up, you'll soon be dead.
%%
Cheese and salt meat should be sparingly eat.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Cheese can be your friend!
%%
Cheese is milk's leap towards immortality.
%%
"Cheese it, cheddar-breath, you can't fight America's Action Hero, see?"
 -- Gangster in The Firesign Theatre's production of
              "The Giant Rat of Summatra"
%%
Cheese Une Crackers! This TagLine is Crummy
%%
Cheezwiz for brains.
%%
Chef, n.: Any cook who swears in French.
%%
Chefs do it for dessert.
%%
Chefs do it in the kitchen.
%%
Chekov: "Ah, it's nothing, it's nothing."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "And if we cannot peice together what happened?  What then, sir?"
Spock: "In that case, Mister Chekov, it resides in the purview of the
  diplomats."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "'Botany Bay'.  Botany Bay?  Oh no!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Chekov: "But if he's cloaked..."
Kirk: "Then all we have is a neutron radiation surge, and by the time we're
  close enough to record it, we're ashes."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "Could you use another hand, Admiral?"
Kirk: "Man the weapons console, Mister Chekov."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Chekov: "Course heading, Captain?"
Kirk: "Second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "Excuse me, we are looking for nuclear wessels.  Nuclear wessels."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Chekov: "Guess who's coming to dinner?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Chekov: "I do not understand.  If there was a ship underneath us,
surely the  assassins beamed aboard from that wessel, not Enterprise."
Spock: "You're forgetting something, Mister Chekov.  According to
our databanks,  this ship fired those torpedoes.  If we did, the killers
are here.  If we did  not, whoever altered the databanks is here.
 In either case, what we are  looking for, is here."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "If I live long enough, I'm going to run out of samples."
 -- "The Deadly Years", Stardate 3479.4.
%%
Chekov: "Incoming!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "It must be the radiation."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Chekov: "I vill have to stun you.  I'm wery sorry."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Chekov: "Khan!" Khan: [To Terrell]  "I don't know you."  [To Chekov]
 "But you, I never forget a  face, Mister Chekov, isn't it?  I never
thought to see your face again."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Chekov: "No casualties, Doctor." McCoy: "Wrong, Mister Chekov, there
are casualties.  My wits!  As in 'frightened  out of', Captain, sir!"
 -- "ST:TMP", Stardate 1513.8.
%%
Chekov: "Now we go to Starfleet!"
Spock: "Now we expand our search to include uniforms."
Chekov: "All uniforms?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "Perhaps I can assist."
Kirk: "How old are you?"
Chekov: "Twenty-two, sir."
Kirk: "Then I'd better handle it."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Chekov: "[Scotch] was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad."
 -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardate 4525.6.
%%
Chekov: "Shall we raise our shields, Captain?"
Kirk: "Never been this close."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Chekov: "Shields up, Captain?"
Valeris: "Captain, our shields!"
Chekov: "Shields up, Captain?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "So, this is goodbye."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "Starship Log, Stardate 8130.4.  Log entry by First Officer Pavel
  Chekov.  Starship Reliant on orbital approach to Ceti Alpha VI in connection
  with Project Genesis.  We are continuing our search for a lifeless planet to
  satisfy the requirement of a test site for the Genesis experiment.  So far no
  success."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Chekov: "There's nothing here.  The tricorder must be broken."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Chekov: "Torpedoes ready, sir."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Chekov: "We do believe that all planets have a sovereign claim to inalienable
  human rights."
Azetbur: "'Inalien'.  If only you could hear yourselves.  'Human rights'.  Why
  the very name is racist.  The Federation is no more than a Homo-sapians-only
  club."
Chang: "Present company excepted, of course."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Chekov: "What are we looking for, sir?"
Spock: "Lieutenant..."
Valeris: "Two pairs of gravity boots."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chekov: "Why not simply waperize them?"
Valeris: "Like this?  At ease.  As you know, Commander Chekov, no one can fire
  an unauthorized phaser aboard a starship."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Chelsea Clinton: Dad, meet my new steady...Rush Limbaugh!
%%
Chelsea Clinton is worth a thousand condom commercials.
%%
Chelsea Clinton: "PLEASE tell me I'm adopted!"
%%
Chelsea: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Rush!
%%
Chem E's make the best heat exchangers
%%
Chemical:  A substance that:  1)  An organic chemist turns into a
   foul odor;  2)  an analytical chemist turns into a
   procedure;  3)  a physical chemist turns into a
   straight line;  4)  a biochemist turns into a helix;
   5)  a chemical engineer turns into a profit.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Chemical Engineering: The practice of doing for a profit what an organic
   chemist only does for fun.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Chemical engineers do it in packed beds.
%%
CHEMICAL ENGINEERS do it under a fume hood
%%
Chemicals, n.:
Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
%%
:chemist: [Cambridge] n. Someone who wastes computer time on
   {number-crunching} when you'd far rather the machine were doing
   something more productive, such as working out anagrams of your
   name or printing Snoopy calendars or running {life} patterns.
   May or may not refer to someone who actually studies chemistry.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Chemistry is applied theology.
 -- Augustus Stanley Owsley III
%%
Chemistry is physics without thought; mathematics is physics without purpose.
%%
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
%%
CHEMISTS do it in an excited state
%%
Chemists do it in test tubes.
%%
Chemists do it in the fume hood.
%%
Chemists do it on the bench!
%%
Chemists do it periodically on table.
%%
Chemists do it reactively.
%%
Chemists have nice reactions.
%%
Chemists have solutions.
%%
Chemists like to experiment.
%%
Chemists never die -- they just stop reacting.
%%
Chemists really know their bismuth.
%%
Cherishing children is the mark of a civilized society.
 -- Joan Ganz Cooney
%%
Cher is starting a new chain of restaurants called "The Rib Cage."
%%
Cher is to beauty what a step ladder is to a frog.
%%
:Chernobyl packet: /cher-noh'b*l pak'*t/ n. A network packet that
   induces a {broadcast storm} and/or {network meltdown},
   in memory of the April 1986 nuclear accident at Chernobyl
   in Ukraine.  The typical scenario involves an IP Ethernet datagram
   that passes through a gateway with both source and destination
   Ether and IP address set as the respective broadcast addresses for
   the subnetworks being gated between.  Compare {Christmas tree
   packet}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Chernobyl used MACs.
%%
Chernobyl uses NT.
%%
Chernobyl uses OS/2.
%%
Chernobyl was using DOS 6.0, shouldn't you?
%%
Cherry ripe, ripe, ripe, I cry,
Full and fair ones,--come and buy!
If so be you ask me where
They do grow, I answer, there,
Where my Julia's lips do smile,--
There 's the land, or cherry-isle.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- Cherry Ripe
%%
"Cheshire-Puss," she began, "would you tell me, please,
              which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't care much where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't much matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're quite sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk
long enough."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Chess is about as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as
you could find anywhere outside an advertising agency.
 -- Raymond Chandler
%%
Chess is a sea in which a gnat may drink and an elephant may bathe.
%%
Chess, like love, like music, has the power to make men happy.
 -- S. Tarrasch
%%
Chess players check their mates.
%%
Chess players do it in their minds.
%%
Chess players do it with knights/kings/queens/bishops/mates.
%%
Chess players mate better.
%%
Chevrolet: Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
%%
Chevrolet: Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
%%
Chevy: Charged Heavily
%%
Chevy: Cheapest Heap Ever enVisioned Yet
%%
Chicago Gangs Of The '30's: Tommy Gunn
%%
Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
%%
Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
%%
Chicago Tribune Headline: THE FAME OF PLAINS IS MAINLY ON THE WANE.
%%
CHICAGO: Yesterdays Operating SYstem Today!
%%
Chicken feed is what most of our nest eggs have turned into.
%%
:chicken head: [Commodore] n. The Commodore Business Machines logo,
   which strongly resembles a poultry part.  Rendered in ASCII as
   `C='.  With the arguable exception of the Amiga (see {amoeba}),
   Commodore's machines are notoriously crocky little {bitty box}es
   (see also {PETSCII}).  Thus, this usage may owe something to
   Philip K. Dick's novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"
   (the basis for the movie "Blade Runner"; the novel is now sold
   under that title), in which a `chickenhead' is a mutant with
   below-average intelligence.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators.
%%
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
 -- Firestone's Law of Forcasting
%%
Chicken Little was right.
%%
Chickens are how eggs make more eggs.
%%
Chicken Soup, n.:  An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts
of aureomycin,
cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup can't cure is
neurotic dependence on one's mother.
 -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
%%
Chickens...the only animals you can eat before they are born....and after
 they are dead. The first is an encore performance, the second the final
 act.
%%
Chicken Suit: The official uniform of Bill Clinton...
%%
Chicken Teriyaki: name of the only living Kamikazi pilot.
%%
:chiclet keyboard: n. A keyboard with a small, flat rectangular or
   lozenge-shaped rubber or plastic keys that look like pieces of
   chewing gum.  (Chiclets is the brand name of a variety of chewing
   gum that does in fact resemble the keys of chiclet keyboards.)
   Used esp. to describe the original IBM PCjr keyboard.  Vendors
   unanimously liked these because they were cheap, and a lot of early
   portable and laptop products got launched using them.  Customers
   rejected the idea with almost equal unanimity, and chiclets are not
   often seen on anything larger than a digital watch any more.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Chicloexdus:  The route taken by a gumball to avoid capture...
%%
Chide a friend in private and praise him in public.
 -- Solon
%%
Chief Bowels had to move ... Too much poop in tee-pee!
%%
Chief Kirk, beam the landing party to the bridge.
%%
Chiefly the mould of a man's fortune is in his own hands.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Fortune
%%
Chief of the Army.
 -- Napoleon I [Napoleon Bonaparte], 1821.
%%
Chiefs beat da Steelers! Bring on Houston Baby!
%%
Chiefs who no more in bloody fights engage,
But wise through time, and narrative with age,
In summer-days like grasshoppers rejoice,--
A bloodless race, that send a feeble voice.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iii, Line 199
%%
Chief weapons of UNIX:  Fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency.
%%
Chi ha del ferro ha del pane.

[Who has steel has bread].
 -- Blanqui, quoted by Mussolini
%%
"Chika-go!  Bang Bang!"
 -- Czech border guards (including Joe Flaharty) with guns
 -- pointed at them, from STRIPES
%%
Childhood is a glorious time. You can lose weight simply by taking a bath.
%%
"Childhood is short and maturity is forever."
 -- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Childhood is the place where nobody dies,
 Nobody that matters, that is.
 -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
%%
CHILDHOOD, n.  The period of human life intermediate between the
idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin
of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
CHILDHOOD...That happy period when nightmares occur only during sleep.
%%
Childish game: one at which your spouse beats you.
%%
Child of a Looser God
%%
Child of mortality, whence comest thou? Why is thy countenance sad,
and why are thine eyes red with weeping?
 -- Mrs. Barbauld (1743-1825)
 -- Hymns in Prose, xiii
%%
Child rearing myth #1: Labor ends when the baby is born.
%%
Children and fooles cannot lye.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Children, apples of my eyes, when you feel like weeping gems, go to the
garbage dumps, the dead ends of the labyrinth, the oubliettes, the cemeteries,
the charnal grounds. Find yourself a spot there and surrender to the
melancholy of the place, recollect the sadness around you and the misery of
the world, and wish ardently that they cease. The more sincere your feelings,
the clearer the gems that will form. Gems from cruelty have facets, gems from
broken hearts are purple or orange, the death of a child brings forth
emeralds; animals that people torment bring forth pearls and diamonds. The
deeper the emotion, the more luminous the gem.
 -- Esther Rochon/Henry Polard
%%
Children are a great comfort in your old age;
and they help you reach it faster, too.
 -- Lionel Kauffman
%%
Children are all foreigners.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Children are curly, dimpled lunatics.
%%
Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.
 -- Lady Bird Johnson
%%
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
%%
Children are not born prejudiced....
%%
Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
Children are our future: Teach them well and love them honest.
%%
Children are our most valuable national resource.
 -- Herbert Hoover
%%
Children are remarkable for their intelligence and ardour, for their
curiosity, their intolerance of shams, the clarity and ruthlessness of
their vision.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Children are stupid. That's why they're in school. I'd lecture for an hour
 about percentages and interest rates and at the end I'd ask one simple
 question, "You put ten grand in a bank for one year at 5 1/2 percent and
 what do you get?" Some kid would always yell out, "A toaster."
 -- Jeffrey Jena
%%
Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Phaedra, Frag. 619
%%
Children are to be won to follow liberal studies by exhortations and
rational motives, and on no account to be forced thereto by whipping.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency
 they're going to catch you in next.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Children at the front seat cause accidents,
 accidents at the back seat cause children!
%%
Children become ready for toilet training and independence at the same time.
%%
Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely,
if ever, do they forgive them.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Children come from God.  He can't stand the noise either.
%%
Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after
a good night's sleep.
 -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
Children have more need of models than of critics.
%%
Children learne to creepe ere they can learne to goe.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Children Learn What They Live!
%%
Children, like animals, use all their senses to discover the world. Then
artists come along and discover it the same way all over again.
Eudora Welty
%%
Children need encouragement.  So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was
 a lucky guess.  That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Children: Pure love contained in soft packages.
%%
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually
 repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
%%
Children should be seen, not heard.
%%
Children solidify marriages by allowing that the parents now have someone
 else to blame it on!
%%
Children's Songbook: Skip Tumalu.
%%
"Children today are tyrants.  They contradict their parents, gobble
their food, and tyrannize their teachers."
 -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
Children: unreasonable facsimilies.
%%
Child Rowland to the dark tower came,
His word was still,--Fie, foh, and fum,
I smell the blood of a British man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Child Support: Taxation without representation in child's life.
%%
Chile today. Hot tamale.
%%
Chill out... everything's under control...
%%
Chill penury weighs down the heart, itself; and though it sometimes
be endured with calmness, it is but the calmness of despair.
 -- Mrs. Jameson
%%
Chilo advised, "not to speak evil of the dead."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Chilo, ii
%%
Chimney's clogged.
%%
China under Chairman Deng: How to Survive!

 1. Don't think.
 2. If you think, don't talk.
 3. If you talk, don't write it down.
 4. If you write it down, don't publish it.
 5. If you publish it, don't sign it.
 6. If you sign it, deny it at once.
 7. If you deny it once, deny it again.
 8. Claim your signature was faked!
 9. Blame someone who forced you to publish it.
 10.Say that you wrote it down at gun point, and it is not your thinking.
%%
:chine nual: /sheen'yu-*l/ [MIT] n.,obs. The LISP Machine Manual, so
   called because the title was wrapped around the cover so only those
   letters showed on the front.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Chinese Army technique: n. Syn. {Mongolian Hordes technique}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Chinese!", blared the Captain, "CHINESE!  Can't the flaming idiots recognize
  a flight of UFOs when they see one!"
 -- Intervention (page 567) - Julian May
%%
Chinese chefs do it gingerly...
%%
Chinese food on Indian wood carving - Lo Mein on Totem pole
%%
 "Chinese Golfing Techniques" by Ho Lin Wun
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Chinese restaurant called 'Hung Far Lo'.
%%
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
%%
Chinese spy:  A Peking Tom...
%%
 "Chinese Vulgarities" by Phuck Yoo
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
%%
CHIP:  One California hi-way patrolman.
%%
Chipped dishes never break.
 -- Pope's Law
%%
Chips: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users
 eat to avoid having to leave their computers for meals.
%%
CHIROPRACTORS do it, but they X-ray it first
%%
Chiropractors do it by manipulation.
%%
Chirpes: n, A canarial disease, no tweetment.
%%
Chirpin' and Jumpin': Katie Didd
%%
Chit chat and drivel unwelcome here
%%
Chitlins? That's pig intestines! That includes the lower tract. Ain't no
 food down in that area. Chitlins--I think somebody misspelled that word.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
Chivalry, Schmivalry!
 Roger the thief has a
 method he uses for
    sneaky attacks:
Folks who are reading are
    Characteristically
    Always Forgetting to
  Guard their own bac ...
%%
Chivilization is a method of living, an attitude of equal respect
for all men.
 -- Jane Addams
%%
Chizboiger, Chizboiger, Pepsi, Pepsi, Chip, Chip!!
%%
Chocoholic, not exactly, but I do go on binges occasionally!
%%
Chocolate-coat those words.  You'll eat them later.
%%
"Chocolate ... double chocolate ... *gasp!*  New flavor!  Triple chocolate!"
 -- Homer in "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
CHOCOLATE:  Fifth essential food group.
%%
Chocolate = Heaven.  Fudge = God.
%%
Chocolate is Serious Business!
%%
Chocolates ... Forrest Fudd: Wife is wike a box of chocowates.
%%
CHOCOLATE
  Truly the most wondrous substance in the whole universe. One day
  they will discover that chocolate can be used to power the world,
  cure the common cold, stop cancer in its tracks, and do really
  nasty things to Nazis. And that day will be one of celebration. As
  Thomas Hardy once said "If the world were a Mars Bar..." I forget
  the rest, actually. [See also: Nutella]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Choconiverous:  Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.
%%
Choir boys do it unaccompanied.
%%
:choke: v. 1. To reject input, often ungracefully.  "NULs make System
   V's `lpr(1)' choke."  "I tried building an {EMACS} binary to
   use {X}, but `cpp(1)' choked on all those `#define's."
   See {barf}, {gag}, {vi}.   2. [MIT] More generally, to fail at any
   endeavor, but with some flair or bravado; the popular definition is
   "to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:chomper: n. Someone or something that is chomping; a loser.  See
   {loser}, {bagbiter}, {chomp}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:chomp: vi. To {lose}; specifically, to chew on something of
   which more was bitten off than one can.  Probably related to
   gnashing of teeth.  See {bagbiter}.

   A hand gesture commonly accompanies this.  To perform it, hold the
   four fingers together and place the thumb against their tips.  Now
   open and close your hand rapidly to suggest a biting action (much
   like what Pac-Man does in the classic video game, though this
   pantomime seems to predate that).  The gesture alone means `chomp
   chomp' (see "{Verb Doubling}" in the "{Jargon
   Construction}" section of the Prependices).  The hand may be
   pointed at the object of complaint, and for real emphasis you can
   use both hands at once.  Doing this to a person is equivalent to
   saying "You chomper!"  If you point the gesture at yourself, it
   is a humble but humorous admission of some failure.  You might do
   this if someone told you that a program you had written had failed
   in some surprising way and you felt dumb for not having anticipated
   it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Choose a firm cloud before it fall, and in it
Catch, ere she change, the Cynthia of this minute.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 19
%%
Choose not a woman or linen cloth by the candle.
 -- James Sanford
%%
Choose such pleasures as recreate much, and cost little.
 -- Fuller
%%
Choose the company of your superiors whenever you can have it; that
is the right and true pride.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Choose variable names that will not be confused.
%%
Choose your drugs wisely.
%%
Choose your friends carefully - Y. Arafat
%%
Choosy cats prefer Logitech mice, 10 to 1...
%%
Choosy cats prefer Microsoft mice 10:1
%%
Choosy hackers choose .GIF!
%%
Choosy modemers choose .GIF!
%%
Choosy perverts choose .GIF!
%%
Choosy users choose .GIF!
%%
Chopped cabbage - it's not just a good idea... it's THE SLAW
%%
Chords that vibrate sweetest pleasure
Thrill the deepest notes of woe.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Sweet Sensibility
%%
Chown up.  Chow down.
%%
CHPAMR: CHase Pointers Around Machine Room
%%
CHR$(32)...the Final Frontier...these are the voyages...
%%
Chris can go skinny dipping in Cool Whip!
%%
Chris: "Have you ever seen a body like that?"
Man: "She's my daughter!"
Chris: "Oh, then I guess you have."
 -- "Real Genius"
%%
Chrissy's Advice: He who buys the hockey tickets, lives!
%%
Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
%%
Christ-an anarchist who succeeded, that's all
 -- Andre Malraux
%%
Christ believed in hell. I do not myself feel that any person who
is really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not
 committing them?
 -- Jules Feiffer
%%
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
%%
   Christendom is that part of the world where, if a man declare himself
   to be a Christian, his hearers laugh at him.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Christ himself was poor.... And as he was himself, so he informed
his apostles and disciples, they were all poor, prophets poor, apostles
poor.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 3
%%
Christian baby shower gift: a tithing ring.
%%
Christian fundamentalism is the doctrine that there is an absolutely
powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe-spanning entity that is
deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.
 -- Andrew Lias
%%
Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Christianity:  Please help find the cure.
%%
Christian life consists of faith and charity.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
Christian, n.:
        One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired
        book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
 One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are
 not inconsistent with a life of sin.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Christian Science Programming: "Let God Debug It!"
%%
Christians do it with grace
%%
Christians have burnt each other, quite persuaded
That all the Apostles would have done as they did.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 83
%%
Christians maintain a higher enjoyment level in the intimacy of their love
 life than the population in general.
 -- Beverly LaHaye, President, Concerned Women of America, in her book, _The
      Act of Marriage, The Beauty of Sexual Love_, 1976, as quoted in The Far
     Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
Christians will tell you that the proof of Jesus Christ's death is
 that someone had pushed his hand into his side . . . yes, but did
anybody bother to take a pulse???
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com
%%
Christina Applegate Fan Club -- Go Kelly Bundy!
%%
CHRISTMAS:
        A day set apart by some as a time for turkey, presents, cranberry 
        salads, family get-togethers; for others, noted as having the best
        response time of the entire year.
%%
Christmas Chopin time...make a Liszt.
%%
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough!
%%
Christmas comes once a year but our friendship is forever.
%%
Christmas eve comes one time a year. I'm glad I'm not christmas eve.
%%
Christmas for Baldies: Yule Brynner
%%
Christmas: If you don't give, you don't get it.
%%
Christmas is the day that holds time together.
 -- Alexander Smith
%%
Christmas is when kids tell Santa Claus what they want, and their parents
end up paying for it.

A deficit is when adults tell the government what they want, and their
kids end up paying for it.

 -- Heard on the radio, attributed to former Colorado governor Richard Lamm.
%%
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
%%
:Christmas tree: n. A kind of RS-232 line tester or breakout box
   featuring rows of blinking red and green LEDs suggestive of
   Christmas lights.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Christmas tree packet: n. A packet with every single option set for
   whatever protocol is in use.  See {kamikaze packet}, {Chernobyl
   packet}.  (The term doubtless derives from a fanciful image of each
   little option bit being represented by a different-colored light
   bulb, all turned on.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Christopher Robin Hood: Steals from the rich, give to the Pooh.
%%
Chromatography:  (From Gr. chromo [color] + graphos [writing])  The
   practice of submitting manuscripts for publication
   with the original figures drawn in non-reproducing
   blue ink.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
:chrome: [from automotive slang via wargaming] n. Showy features
   added to attract users but contributing little or nothing to
   the power of a system.  "The 3D icons in Motif are just chrome,
   but they certainly are *pretty* chrome!"  Distinguished from
   {bells and whistles} by the fact that the latter are usually
   added to gratify developers' own desires for featurefulness.
   Often used as a term of contempt.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Chronometer: Precision instrument which registers sharp impacts by displaying
     a telltale spiderweb pattern on its glass face, by the absence of
     a normal ticking sound when held to the ear, or by the presence
       of small, loose pieces moving around within its case when shaken.
     It also indicates excess humidity by forming tiny droplets on the
     inside of its face, and when stopped, it displays the correct time
            twice each day.
 -- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Chrysler: Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
%%
Chrysler: Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's
%%
CHSE: Compare Half-words and Swap if Equal
%%
Chuang Tzu dreamt he was a butterfly and did not know, when he awoke, if
 he was a man who had dreamt he was a butterfly or a butterfly who now
 dreamt he was a man.
%%
CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
CHUCK's Roast.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
:chug: vi. To run slowly; to {grind} or {grovel}.  "The disk is
   chugging like crazy."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Chunk of Skunk
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Chu P'ing-man spent a thousand in gold and three years learning dragon
killing from Hunchback Yi only to learn there was no place for him
to practice his art.
%%
CHURCH
  A church is either (a) a big, generally impressive-looking building
  where people go to indulge in religious activities, or (b) a rash
  commonly found on the upper-thigh. I think it's (b). One well-known
  cure is to dab it with a cream mixed from worm manure, cow snot and
  crushed caterpillars. If unchecked, a church can spread into the
  genital region, and may cause a great deal of pain during
  intercourse. Some churches also grow in anal areas. [See also:
  Bible]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Churchill and Hitler are striving to change the nature of their respective
countrymen by forcing and hammering violent methods on them.  Man
may be suppressed in this manner but he cannot be changed.  Ahimsa
[non-violence in the Hindu tradition], on the other hand, can change
human nature and sooner than men like Churchill and Hitler.
 -- Mohandas K. Gandhi,
 -- speaking at a Sevagram prayer meeting, October 22, 1941
%%
Churchill was given to reading in the bathtub and,
while staying at the White House, he once became so
engrossed in an account of the Battle of Fonteney that he
forgot President Roosevelt was due to drop by to discuss the
upcoming conference in Yalta.  At the appointed hour, the
President was wheeled into Churchill's quarters only to be
informed that the Prime Minister had not finished bathing.
Roosevelt was about to apologize for the intrusion and
depart when Churchill, puffing his customary cigar, strode
into the room stark naked and greeted the nonplussed world
leader with a terse, "What are you staring at, homo?"
%%
:Church of the SubGenius: n. A mutant offshoot of
   {Discordianism} launched in 1981 as a spoof of fundamentalist
   Christianity by the `Reverend' Ivan Stang, a brilliant satirist
   with a gift for promotion.  Popular among hackers as a rich source
   of bizarre imagery and references such as "Bob" the divine
   drilling-equipment salesman, the Benevolent Space Xists, and the
   Stark Fist of Removal.  Much SubGenius theory is concerned with the
   acquisition of the mystical substance or quality of {slack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ciao .. Adieu .. Hasta luego .. Goodbye .. Aloha ..
%%
CIA spokesman : We can say with some certainty that Noriega was a
sadist,a drug-abuser and despot.
 Reporter: How do you know so much about him?
 CIA spokesman : Well he was on our payroll.
 -- Johnny Tingle
%%
CIB: Change Important Byte
%%
CIC: Cash In Chips
%%
Cicero called Aristotle a river of flowing gold, and said of Plato's
Dialogues, that if Jupiter were to speak, it would be in language
like theirs.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Cicero
%%
Cicero said loud-bawling orators were driven by their weakness to
noise, as lame men to take horse.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Cicero
%%
Cicero's style bores me. When I have spent an hour reading him and try to
recollect what I have extracted, I usually find it nothing but wind.
 -- Michel de Montaigne
%%
CID: Compare and Ignore Data
%%
Cigarette, n.:
        A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
between.
%%
CIMM: Create Imaginary Memory Map
%%
C-In-C: "If there is no further business, I wish you and your crew godspeed."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Cincinnatus was ploughing his four jugera of land upon the Vaticanian
Hill,--the same that are still known as the Quintian Meadows,--when
the messenger brought him the dictatorship, finding him, the tradition
says, stripped to the work.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xviii, Sect. 20
%%
C-In-C: "It's a damned show trial!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
C-In-C: "The Klingon Empire has roughly fifty years of life left to it."
 -- , "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
C-In-C: "You, Captain Kirk, are to be our first olive branch."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Cindarella's Godmother was a fairy.
%%
:Cinderella Book: [CMU] n. "Introduction to Automata Theory,
   Languages, and Computation", by John Hopcroft and Jeffrey Ullman,
   (Addison-Wesley, 1979).  So called because the cover depicts a girl
   (putatively Cinderella) sitting in front of a Rube Goldberg device
   and holding a rope coming out of it.  On the back cover, the device
   is in shambles after she has (inevitably) pulled on the rope.  See
   also {{book titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cinemuck, n.: The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which
covers the floors of movie theaters.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
C-ing is believing.
%%
C'ing More and More Each Day!!!
%%
:CI$: // n. Hackerism for `CIS', CompuServe Information Service.
   The dollar sign refers to CompuServe's rather steep line charges.
   Often used in {sig block}s just before a CompuServe address.
   Syn. {Compu$erve}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Circle Perimeter: Sir Cumference.
%%
Circuit designers have a very low rise time.
%%
Circuit designers offer VLSI. (Very Long Sexual Intercourse)
%%
Circular Definition:  See Definition, Circular
%%
"Circular logic will only make you dizzy."
 -- Peri
"I know a computer when I talk to one!"
 -- The Doctor
%%
Circumcisions Cut Back
 -- Headline
%%
Circumstances alter cases.
 -- Thomas C. Haliburton (1796-1865)
 -- The Old Judge, Chap. xv
%%
Circumstances can force a generalised incompetent to become
competent, at least in a specialised field.
 -- Freeman's Rule
%%
Circumstances over which I have no control.
 -- Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington (1769-1852)
%%
Circumstantial evidence is dangerous. Just because you have a truss is no
 indication that you are a purse snatcher.
%%
CIRCUS, n.  A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted
to see men, women and children acting the fool.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
C is a Wirth-less language.
%%
C is for Bangers.
%%
C is the assembly language of Tcl.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer (karl@hackercorp.com)

Assembly language is also available.
 -- Jordan Henderson      (jordan@hackercorp.com)
%%
Citation for slow BBS'ing: Going 2400 in an HST lane.
%%
Cities, like cats, will reveal themselves at night.
%%
C -- It isn't just for breakfast anymore.
%%
Citroen: Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters
%%
C... it's not just a language, it's also a chord.
%%
City Baby Attacked by Rats.
%%
City girls just seem to find out early ... how to open doors with just
 a smile ... a rich old man, and she won't have to worry ... she'll dress
 up all in lace, and go in style.
 -- Lyin' Eyes, The Eagles
%%
City lights have always inspired me to reflect upon the memories
I never had.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
City Morgue: You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
%%
City Planners do it with their eyes shut.
%%
 C  I  T  Y   P  L  A  N  N  ING
 -- Sign seen on door
%%
CITY STREET REPAIRMEN do it with three supervisors watching
%%
Civil Engineers do it by reinforcing it.
%%
Civil engineers do it in the dirt.
%%
Civil engineers do it with an erection.
%%
Civilisation is the art of living in towns of such size that everyone does
 not know everyone else.
 -- Julian Jaynes
%%
Civility costs nothing, and buys everything.
 -- Lady Mary Wortley Montague
%%
Civilization advances by extending the number of important
operations which we can perform without thinking.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Civilization and profits go hand in hand.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
Civilization: Biggest syntax error in history!
%%
Civilization degrades the many to exalt the few.
 -- Amos Bronson Alcott
%%
Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice.
 -- Will Durant
%%
Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbour.
 -- Toynbee
%%
Civilization is a slow process of adopting the ideas of minorities.
%%
Civilization is fun!  Anyway, it keeps me busy!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Civilization is just a temporary failure of entropy.
 -- Christine Nelson Cray Research, Inc.
%%
Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy.  The savage's
whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe.  Civilization
is the process of setting man free from men.
 -- Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead (1943)
%%
"Civilization!  Look for a Burger King."
 -- BADGER in "Nexus"
%%
Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
%%
Civil Libertarian: a Conservative under indictment.
%%
Civil liberties are always safe as long as their exercise doesn't
bother anyone.
 -- New York Times editorial, 1-3-41
%%
Civil servants are neither civil nor servile.
%%
Civil War Firearms - By Captain Ball
%%
CIZ: Clear If Zero
%%
C Jack code.  C code run. C Jack debug.
%%
Clairvoyant, n.:
      A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a
 hero must drink brandy.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
CLARIONET, n.  An instrument of torture operated by a person with
cotton in his ears.  There are two instruments that are worse than a
clarionet -- two clarionets.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Clark Kent is a transvestite.
%%
 (Classical music in background, slow stoned voice:)  Don't you
 ever wonder what life would be like?  ...
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
Classical music is the kind that we keep hoping will turn into a tune.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
 (Classical music:)  This is our answering machine.  (Switch to
 heavy metal racket:)  This is our answering machine on drugs.
 (Silence...)  Any message?
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
:Classic C: /klas'ik C/ [a play on `Coke Classic'] n. The
   C programming language as defined in the first edition of {K&R},
   with some small additions.  It is also known as `K&R C'.  The name
   came into use while C was being standardized by the ANSI X3J11
   committee.  Also `C Classic'.

   An analogous construction is sometimes applied elsewhere: thus,
   `X Classic', where X = Star Trek (referring to the original TV
   series) or X = PC (referring to IBM's ISA-bus machines as opposed
   to the PS/2 series).  This construction is especially used of
   product series in which the newer versions are considered serious
   losers relative to the older ones.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Classified ad:  For Sale: Man's suit, perfect fit.
%%
Classified material is considered lost when it cannot be found.
%%
Classified material requires proper storage.
%%
Clathy (adj.)
 Nervously indecisive about how safely to dispose of a dud lightbulb.
%%
Claude believed that only smart attractive people had the right to
fuck, and it sincerely hurt him when he discovered evidence to the
contrary.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
Claudius Aelianus, a gossiping bachelor writer, whose 'Variae
Historiae' are filled with anecdotes, relates that Socrates in his
wisdom, in order to check some symptoms of a swelled head in
Alcibiades regarding what he boastfully considered his large estates,
brought him to a place where a map of the world was exhibited and
rather witheringly asked him to point out on it where his estates
where situated.
 -- A.L. Humphreys, 'Antique Maps and Charts'
%%
Clay is moulded to make a vessel, but the utility of the vessel lies in the
space where there is nothing. ... Thus, taking advantage of what is, we
recognize the utility of what is not.
 -- Lao Tze
%%
CLBR: CLoBber Register
%%
CLBRI: CLoBber Register Immediate
%%
:clean: 1. adj. Used of hardware or software designs, implies
   `elegance in the small', that is, a design or implementation that
   may not hold any surprises but does things in a way that is
   reasonably intuitive and relatively easy to comprehend from the
   outside.  The antonym is `grungy' or {crufty}.  2. v. To remove
   unneeded or undesired files in a effort to reduce clutter:  "I'm
   cleaning up my account."  "I cleaned up the garbage and now have
   100 Meg free on that partition."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
clean climber: climber who doesn't smoke or consume hard liquor, and
who changes undergarments daily.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
Cleanliness is next to "clean-limbed," in the dictionary.
%%
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
 -- O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen
%%
Cleanness of body was ever deemed to proceed from a due reverence to God.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Advancement of Learning, Book ii
%%
Cleanroom
 a management technique that applies to horizontal interfaces
 what the mushroom technique applies to vertical interfaces
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Clean your finger before you point at my spots.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Clearasol:
Effective sunspot remover.
%%
Clearer than the noonday.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xi, 17
%%
Clearly General Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan attempt
  to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin...
 -- Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Clear the laundromat!!  This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
[Clear the throat]
   Oh freddled gruntbuggly
   Thy micturations are to me
   As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee

   Groop I implore thee
   my foonting turlingdromes
   And hooptiously drangle me
   with crinkly thy blindlewurdles,

   Or I will rend thee In the gobberwarts
   With my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!

 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Cleats.
 -- from "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
Cleon hath a million acres,--ne'er a one have I;
Cleon dwelleth in a palace,--in a cottage I.
 -- Charles Mackay (1814-1889)
 -- Cleon and I
%%
CLERGYMAN, n.  A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual
affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
CLERICS do it with their gods
%%
Cleveland still lives.  God must be dead.
%%
Cleveland?   Yes, I spent a week there one day.
%%
Clever men are good, but they are not the best.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Goethe, Edinburgh Review, 1828
%%
Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh
difficulties.
 -- Emil Nolde
%%
Climate is a theory. Weather is a condition.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
Climate is what you expect.  Weather is what you get.
 -- Long's  notes
%%
CLIMBERS do it on rope
%%
Climb into the Chao with a friend or two
And follow the Way it carries you,
Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew
Over the Waves in whatever you do.
 -- HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:3
%%
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow
into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own
freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off
like autumn leaves.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Clinical Testing: The use of humans as guinea pigs.  (See also
PHARMACOLOGY and TOXICOLOGY)
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Clinton: Al, I need a orange juice substitute and I need it now.
%%
CLINTON: [C]aught  [L]ying  [I]n  [N]ine  [T]imes  [O]uta  [N]ine
%%
CLINTON: Certified Liar In National Top Office Now
%%
CLINTON: Chicken Lickin' Idiot Now Taking Over Nation
%%
Clinton/Clinton/He's our man/If he can't do it/GREAT!!! -
%%
Clinton.Com Found: (A)bort (T)ax (W)affle (B)lame Republicans.
%%
CLINTON: Crazy Liberal Intent On Needlessly Trashing Our Nation
%%
Clinton: From a 60's Flower Child to a Blooming Idiot in the 90's...
%%
Clinton/Gore '92!  ERROR #11:  Attempted division by Zero.
%%
Clinton/Gore '92:  The Decline of Civilization Part III.
%%
Clinton/Gore elected; Beavis and Butt-head appear...coincidence?
%%
Clinton/Gore, for a kinder, gentler Communism.
%%
CLINTON HEALTHPLAN ERROR, (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)o back to tax payers.
%%
Clintonia...A Socialist Society run by a moron...Newsat11
%%
Clinton, "I didn't say that - er, well - yes, but I didn't mean..."
%%
CLINTON LEGACY??...even Pharaoh had only ten plagues...
%%
CLINTON.LIE Virus Detected - Run LIMBAUGH.BAT To Correct.
%%
Clinton: Looks like Carter, quacks like Carter...
%%
Clinton: n: another LBJ in the white house!
%%
CLINTON,(n), see: gay loving, draft dodging, pot smoking, womanizer.
%%
Clintonomics info: 1-800-SUI-CIDE
%%
Clintonomics:  Reaganonomic in reverse.
%%
Clintonomics:  Tax, Borrow and Spend.
%%
CLINTON: ompulsive iar n ation's op ffice ow.
%%
CLINTON: Punish Achievement! Reward Failure!
%%
Clinton's 1040EZ: Just send it all in...
%%
Clinton's America: Defining Deviancy Down!
%%
Clinton's Amerika, Thanks comrades!
%%
Clinton's Army: where Sergeants play with their Privates.
%%
Clinton's Cabinet: Treasury, Charles Keating.
%%
Clinton's Cowardess should not be subsidized w/your vote
%%
Clinton's master health plan disks were found to have a virus.
%%
Clinton's memory is the only part of him subject to Selective Service.
%%
Clinton's Navy: Where Chiefs mess with their seamen.
%%
Clinton's Plan:  Socialism for all.
%%
Clinton's worst nightmare? Rush Limbaugh marries Chelsea.
%%
Clinton's worst nightmare? The truth!!
%%
CLINTON.SYS bad, cannot recover ECONOMY.USA.
%%
CLINTON.SYS Corrupted. Cannot Run DEVICE.USA.
%%
CLINTON.SYS installed. RODHAM.COM assuming control.
%%
Clinton: Ted, will you drive Hillary home?
%%
Clinton: The best thing to happen to the Republican party.
%%
Clinton: The Carter of the 90's.
%%
Clinton: The consequence of voting for Perot.
%%
Clinton: the new JFK...come on down and visit sometime!
 -- Dallas Voters
%%
Clinton: The Pinocchio of Presidents.
%%
"Clinton wants us to sacrifice - We should start with the politicians.
 Which do you recommend - burning at the stake, an altar & knife job, or the
 tried-and-true 'Feed the Volcano' method?"
 -- Don Meyer dlmeyer@uiuc.edu
%%
Clinton: Well, how're we gonna pull the wool over their eyes today?
%%
Clinton: what happens when minorities rule.
%%
Clinton won and you lost as usual.  Did you expect anything else?
%%
Clintstones, ..meet the Clintstones...
%%
CLIO, n.  One of the nine Muses.  Clio's function was to preside over
history -- which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent
citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being
addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Clipclopclipclopbangclipclop - Amish drive-by shooting
%%
Clique Maintenance:
 The need of one generation to see the generaton following it
as deficient so as to bolster its own collective ego: "Kids today do
nothing. They're so apathetic. We used to go out and protest. All they
do is shop and complain."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
clique, n. (kleek) A clique is defined as several people whose common basis is
that they all dislike you.
 -- Rich Kabakjian (Lib)
%%
Clive Anderson of Borg: Welcome to 'Whose Assimilation Is This'
%%
:CLM: /C-L-M/ [Sun: `Career Limiting Move'] 1. n. An action
   endangering one's future prospects of getting plum projects and
   raises, and possibly one's job:  "His Halloween costume was a
   parody of his manager.  He won the prize for `best CLM'."
   2. adj.  Denotes extreme severity of a bug, discovered by a
   customer and obviously missed earlier because of poor testing:
   "That's a CLM bug!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:clobber: vt. To overwrite, usually unintentionally: "I walked off
   the end of the array and clobbered the stack."  Compare {mung},
   {scribble}, {trash}, and {smash the stack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CLOCK: A small mechanical device used to wake people up with no kids.
%%
Clock doesn't have all its numbers.
%%
Clock makers do it mechanically.
%%
CLOCK, n.  A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern
for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.

    A busy man complained one day:
    "I get no time!"  "What's that you say?"
    Cried out his friend, a lazy quiz;
    "You have, sir, all the time there is.
    There's plenty, too, and don't you doubt it --
    We're never for an hour without it."
                                                          Purzil Crofe
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Clocks go entirely too slow at work.
%%
:clocks: n. Processor logic cycles, so called because each
   generally corresponds to one clock pulse in the processor's timing.
   The relative execution times of instructions on a machine are
   usually discussed in clocks rather than absolute fractions of a
   second; one good reason for this is that clock speeds for various
   models of the machine may increase as technology improves, and it
   is usually the relative times one is interested in when discussing
   the instruction set.  Compare {cycle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Clone:
 An acronym standing for "Copied Low-cost Optimal Non-IBM Equipment".
 Often used as a cure for the dreaded Big Blue. Texas, land of
 independent self-styled individualists, is current "Siliclone Valley"
 where imagination is limited only by IBM.
%%
:clone: n. 1. An exact duplicate: "Our product is a clone of
   their product."  Implies a legal reimplementation from
   documentation or by reverse-engineering.  Also connotes lower
   price.  2. A shoddy, spurious copy: "Their product is a
   clone of our product."  3. A blatant ripoff, most likely violating
   copyright, patent, or trade secret protections: "Your
   product is a clone of my product."  This use implies legal
   action is pending.  4. `PC clone:' a PC-BUS/ISA or
   EISA-compatible 80x86-based microcomputer (this use is sometimes
   spelled `klone' or `PClone').  These invariably have much
   more bang for the buck than the IBM archetypes they resemble.
   5. In the construction `UNIX clone': An OS designed to deliver
   a UNIX-lookalike environment without UNIX license fees, or with
   additional `mission-critical' features such as support for
   real-time programming.  6. v. To make an exact copy of something.
   "Let me clone that" might mean "I want to borrow that paper so I
   can make a photocopy" or "Let me get a copy of that file before
   you {mung} it".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Clones are people two.
%%
Cloning: Irma Dubble II
%%
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
%%
    [clop clop]
ARTHUR:  Old woman!
DENNIS:  Man!
ARTHUR:  Man, sorry.  What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS:  I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR:  What?
DENNIS:  I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
    [clop clop]
GUARD #1:  Halt!  Who goes there?
ARTHUR:    It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of
           Camelot.  King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of
           all England!
GUARD #1:  Pull the other one!
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
    [clop clop]
MORTICIAN:  Who's that then?
CUSTOMER:   I don't know.
MORTICIAN:  Must be a king.
CUSTOMER:   Why?
MORTICIAN:  He hasn't got shit all over him.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Close call.
Too close, Number One. Brinksmanship is a dangerous game.
 -- Riker and Picard, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
Close Caption Funding for this echo provided by DeltaComm Dev.
%%
Close cover before striking.
%%
Closed captioned in hex for programmers where available.
%%
Closed eyes are not always sleeping.
%%
Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired...
%%
"Close Encounters of the Third Grade."
 -- Woody Allen's new movie
%%
CLOSE-FISTED, adj.  Unduly desirous of keeping that which many
meritorious persons wish to obtain.

    "Close-fisted Scotchman!" Johnson cried
        To thrifty J. Macpherson;
    "See me -- I'm ready to divide
        With any worthy person."
    Sad Jamie:  "That is very true --
        The boast requires no backing;
    And all are worthy, sir, to you,
        Who have what you are lacking."
                                                         Anita M. Bobe
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Close friends will surprise you tonight with the absence of a party.
%%
Closeted gays sometimes oppose gay civil rights as part of their cover.
%%
Closets are for clothing.....Not People
%%
Close up his eyes and draw the curtain close;
And let us all to meditation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
%%
Closing lines:
       I'm going to make like a tree and leave.
       I'm going to put an egg in my shoe and beat it.
       I'm going to make like the shepherds and get the flock out of here.
%%
Closing on ship target. Music on  Fire away.
%%
Clothe an idea in words and it loses its freedom of
movement.
 -- Egon Friedell
%%
Clothed, and in his right mind.
 -- New Testament
 -- Mark v, 15; Luke viii, 35
%%
Clothes for Germ Kings: Mike Robes
%%
Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Clothes not busy being worn are busy drying.
 -- Dylan, on laundry day
 -- [ singing "It's all right, ma (I'm only bleaching)" ]
%%
Clothing so ugly it changes every 6 mo.
%%
Clove captioned for the ham impaired.
%%
Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?
Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Clown:n: A man who acts too natural.
%%
Clowns do it for laughs.
%%
CLT Point (Fidonet 2:320/213.9)
%%
Cluelessness... try it!
%%
Cluster analysts do it in groups.
%%
:clustergeeking: /kluh'st*r-gee`king/ [CMU] n. Spending more time
   at a computer cluster doing CS homework than most people spend
   breathing.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot, C++ makes it harder,
but when you do, it blows away your whole leg"
 -- Bjarne Stroustrup
%%
CM: Circulate Memory
%%
CM      Confuse Memory
%%
CMD: Compare Meaningless Data
%%
CMD: CPU Melt Down
%%
C'mere Baby, I'll Show You The Meaning Of Love!
 -- Servo.
%%
CMI: Clobber Monitor Immediate
%%
CML: Compute Meaning of Life
%%
C'mon boys, don't bother me.  I'm debating Dan Quayle. The boy's
retarded.
 -- Senator Birch Bayh
%%
"C'mon DM, let's see some REAL monsters!"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
C'mon everybody, let's have a hoedown!
 -- Stimpy
%%
C'mon, George, tell me about the contras again, George, huh? Huh?
%%
"C'MON GUYS, LET'S SHOW HER WHO'S BOSS"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
"C'mon, Hobbes, if you lend me a buck I'll buy you a comic book."
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
"C'mon Marshall - hurry up...  I'm hungry.  (To wolf)  Stay here."
 [Simon goes over to counter, dives into apple pie.  Werewolf awakens
 but Simon is oblivious.  Werewolf creeps up, and Simon gradually
 becomes aware something is wrong.]  "Uh oh."  (Turns to see werewolf.)
"Arghhh.  Arghhh.  Help!  Help!  omanoManOManOManOMANOMANOMAN!
 Down boy!  Down boy!"
 -- Simon, "Mr. Chaney", Eerie Indiana
%%
C'mon Mike. Would the dolphins give up their favorite
sandwiches to save our butts?
 -- John Grimes
%%
C'mon over, baby, whole lotta bakin' goin' on ..
%%
C'mon over, baby, whole lotta shakin' going on!
%%
C'mon, Punk...Reductio my Absurdum
%%
C'mon then. My log does not judge.
 -- Margaret, the Log Lady, from Twin Peaks
%%
C'mon, where's your sense of adventure?
%%
C'mon, whine some more.
%%
 C'mon...  you can do it...  just a little one.  That's the
 way...  just a little beep, just a little one.  C'mon...  good
 boy...  here we go...  like this -- beeeeep, just a little one,
 beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon...  There you go!
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
CMOS... CMOS run... CMOS Jump... Jump MOS Jump!
%%
CMP: Create Memory Prosthesis
%%
CMS: Click MicroSwitch
%%
:C: n. 1. The third letter of the English alphabet.  2. ASCII
   1000011.  3. The name of a programming language designed by
   Dennis Ritchie during the early 1970s and immediately used to
   reimplement {{UNIX}}; so called because many features derived
   from an earlier compiler named `B' in commemoration of
   *its* parent, BCPL.  Before Bjarne Stroustrup settled the
   question by designing C++, there was a humorous debate over whether
   C's successor should be named `D' or `P'.  C became immensely
   popular outside Bell Labs after about 1980 and is now the dominant
   language in systems and microcomputer applications programming.
   See also {languages of choice}, {indent style}.

   C is often described, with a mixture of fondness and disdain
   varying according to the speaker, as "a language that combines
   all the elegance and power of assembly language with all the
   readability and maintainability of assembly language".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
C, n.: A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more like
assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or anything else.  It
is either the best language available to the art today, or it isn't.
 -- Ray Simard
%%
CNB: Cause Nervous Breakdown
%%
CN: Compare Nonsensically
%%
CNE's are a dime a dozen.
%%
CNS: Call Nonexistent Subroutine
%%
COACHES whistle while they work
%%
Coach: How's it going, Norm?
Norm:  Daddy's rich and Momma's good lookin'.
%%
Coal is a portable climate.
 -- Emerson
%%
Coalition Forces: fighting for YOUR right to dissent!
%%
Coarse and violent nudity.  Occasional language.
%%
Coarse Horse
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Coastal access, next left.
%%
coax cable -- to work with a partner as you chop down a power line.
%%
%COB-I-COMEFROM, all go to's changed to come froms's
%%
COBOL - A plump secretary.  She talks far too much, and most of what she says
can be ignored.  She works hard and long hours, but can't handle really
complicated jobs.  She has a short and unpredictable temper, so no one really
likes working with her.  She can cook meals for a huge family, but only knows
bland recipes.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
COBOL.....(C)ompiles (O)nly (B)ecause (O)f (L)uck
%%
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Boring Old Language
%%
:COBOL fingers: /koh'bol fing'grz/ n. Reported from Sweden, a
   (hypothetical) disease one might get from coding in COBOL.  The
   language requires code verbose beyond all reason (see
   {candygrammar}); thus it is alleged that programming too much in
   COBOL causes one's fingers to wear down to stubs by the endless
   typing.  "I refuse to type in all that source code again; it would
   give me COBOL fingers!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
COBOL hackers do it by committee.
%%
COBOL is just a bug with syntax
%%
COBOL is not dead, it just smells that way.
%%
COBOL is the next best thing to coding it in binary.
%%
:COBOL: /koh'bol/ [COmmon Business-Oriented Language] n.
   (Synonymous with {evil}.)  A weak, verbose, and flabby language
   used by {card walloper}s to do boring mindless things on
   {dinosaur} mainframes.  Hackers believe that all COBOL
   programmers are {suit}s or {code grinder}s, and no
   self-respecting hacker will ever admit to having learned the
   language.  Its very name is seldom uttered without ritual
   expressions of disgust or horror.  See also {fear and loathing},
   {software rot}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"COBOL programmers are destined to code COBOL for the rest of their lives,
and thereafter."
 -- Remark made by Bertrand Meyer (inventer of the Eiffel language)
 -- at a panel discussion at OOPSLA '89
%%
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
%%
COBOL programmers are self-documenting.
%%
COBOL programmers do it very slow.
%%
COBOL programmers do it with bugs.
%%
COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
%%
COBOL programmers wanted. (quick lighting pref.)
%%
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
%%
COBOL sucks, Pascal bytes, and assembly is a bits!
%%
COBOL: the only programming language in which you can write a letter home to
 your folks and reasonably expect it to compile and run without errors.
%%
Cocaine is God's way of telling you that you have too much money to spend.
 You are not using it for the benefit of others, so you will pay for your
 selfishness.
%%
Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.
%%
Cocaine isn't habit forming.  I should know -- I've been
%%
Cocaine isn't what it is cracked up to be.
%%
Cocaine -- the thinking man's Aspirin.
%%
Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
%%
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and
eat anything.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
Cockroaches have done it for millions of years, without apparent ill-effects.
%%
Cockroaches rule the Earth. Pass it on.
%%
"Cocktail lounge" is a fancy name for it, but it's still just a
bare-curtain saloon.
%%
Cocktail waitresses serve highballs.
%%
COCS: Copy Object Code to Source
%%
COD: Crash On Demand
%%
Coddle criminals, who cares about the victims!
 -- Liberal Rule #16
%%
Code as if whoever maintains your code is a violent
psychopath who knows where you live.
%%
Code code code code eat code code code sleep code code...
%%
:code grinder: n. 1. A {suit}-wearing minion of the sort hired in
   legion strength by banks and insurance companies to implement
   payroll packages in RPG and other such unspeakable horrors.  In its
   native habitat, the code grinder often removes the suit jacket to
   reveal an underplumage consisting of button-down shirt (starch
   optional) and a tie.  In times of dire stress, the sleeves (if
   long) may be rolled up and the tie loosened about half an inch.  It
   seldom helps.  The {code grinder}'s milieu is about as far from
   hackerdom as one can get and still touch a computer; the term
   connotes pity.  See {Real World}, {suit}.  2. Used of or to a
   hacker, a really serious slur on the person's creative ability;
   connotes a design style characterized by primitive technique,
   rule-boundedness, {brute force}, and utter lack of imagination.
   Compare {card walloper}; contrast {hacker}, {real
   programmer}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Code: (n.) a means of concealing bugs favored by programmers.
%%
Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief
 as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that
 sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive.
 -- Bruce Jay Friedman
%%
:code police: [by analogy with George Orwell's `thought police'] n.
   A mythical team of Gestapo-like storm troopers that might burst
   into one's office and arrest one for violating programming style
   rules.  May be used either seriously, to underline a claim that a
   particular style violation is dangerous, or ironically, to suggest
   that the practice under discussion is condemned mainly by
   anal-retentive {weenie}s.  "Dike out that goto or the code
   police will get you!"  The ironic usage is perhaps more common.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Code so clean you can eat off it.
%%
:codes: [scientific computing] n. Programs.  This usage is common
   in people who hack supercumputers and heavy-duty
   {number-crunching}, rare to unknown elsewhere (if you say
   "codes" to hackers outside scientific computing, their
   first association is likely to be "and cyphers").
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:codewalker: n. A program component that traverses other programs for
   a living.  Compilers have codewalkers in their front ends; so do
   cross-reference generators and some database front ends.  Other
   utility programs that try to do too much with source code may turn
   into codewalkers.  As in "This new `vgrind' feature would require a
   codewalker to implement."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CODING:  AN addictive Drug.
%%
COENOBITE, n.  A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the
sin of wickedness; and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a
brotherhood of awful examples.

    O Coenobite, O coenobite,
        Monastical gregarian,
    You differ from the anchorite,
        That solitudinarian:
    With vollied prayers you wound Old Nick;
    With dropping shots he makes him sick.
                                                          Quincy Giles
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Co-existence - what the farmer does with the turkey
until Thanksgiving.
 -- Mike Connolly
%%
Coffee - 2 sugars - cream - and aspirin.
%%
COFFEE.COM not found: (A)bort, (R)eheat, (S)nooze.
%%
COFFEE.COM not found: (A)dd more, (R)eheat, (F)reak out.
%%
COFFEE.COM not found: Sysop asleep.
%%
Coffee doesnt cause cancer -- Water does!!!
%%
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
%%
Coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza.
 -- The four food groups
%%
Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
%%
Coffee is my only REAL friend.
%%
Coffee Jamaican blend double strong double sweet.
 -- O'Brien
%%
Coffee line forms here.  Take a number.
%%
Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, chocolate
makes it worthwhile
%%
Coffee not found: (a)bort, (r)etry, (f)all asleep
%%
Coffee not found. (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)nooze?
%%
Coffee not found -- Programmer Halted!
%%
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.
 -- Turkish Proverb
%%
COFFEE: Sneezy's younger brother.
%%
COFFEE.SYS: NMI ACTIVATED ... coffee pot empty ... Operator asleep
%%
Coffee--the beans from Hell!!
%%
Coffee, though a useful medicine, if drunk constantly will at length induce
 a decay of health, and hectic fever.
 -- Jesse Torrey
%%
Coffee, which makes the politician wise,
And see through all things with his half-shut eyes.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto iii, Line 117
%%
Coffeine, Chocolate, Sugar and Sex.
 -- The Four Food Groups
%%
Coffin for sale.  Lifetime guarantee.
%%
Coffin not available. Press F10 to cremate.
%%
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore
I think that I
am."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
COGITO, EGGO SUM - I think; therefore, I am a waffle.
%%
Cogito, ergo am, I think therefore I sum.
%%
Cogito, ergo Batman. I think, therefore I *BLAM*!
%%
Cogito, ergo cogito!
%%
Cogito, ergo confusum.
%%
Cogito, ergo . . . get into a lot of arguments.
%%
Cogito, ergo Hormel - I think, therefore I Spam.
%%
Cogito, ergo I'm right and you're wrong.
 -- Blair Houghton
%%
Cogito, Ergo Spud. (I think, therefore I yam.)
%%
Cogito, ergo sum conservative.
%%
Cogito, ergo sum. (I think, therefore I am)
 -- Rene Descartes
%%
Cogito, ergo sum liberal.
%%
Cogito, ergo sum presupposes "I"-ness.
%%
Cogito, Ergo Zoom (I Think, Therefore I Go FAST)
%%
"COINCIDENCE" happens.
%%
"Coincidence is one thing, but this thing with the bike was bordering
 on mega strange."
 -- Marshall, "Who's Who", Eerie Indiana
%%
Coincidence?  No.  Cthulhu.
%%
Coincidence, n.:
     You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was
going on.
%%
Coincidence Often Isn'T.
%%
Coincidences always happen for a reason.
%%
Coincidences are spiritual puns.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
Coincide:  What you do when it starts to rain...
%%
Cointreauception - dip it in liqueur - it's all the rage.
%%
Coito ergo sum
 -- A. Taylor
%%
Coitus: a musical instrument.
%%
Coitus Interruptus. Emission Impossible.
%%
:cokebottle: /kohk'bot-l/ n. Any very unusual character,
   particularly one you can't type because it it isn't on your
   keyboard.  MIT people used to complain about the
   `control-meta-cokebottle' commands at SAIL, and SAIL people
   complained right back about the `{altmode}-altmode-cokebottle'
   commands at MIT.  After the demise of the {space-cadet
   keyboard}, `cokebottle' faded away as serious usage, but was
   often invoked humorously to describe an (unspecified) weird or
   non-intuitive keystroke command.  It may be due for a second
   inning, however.  The OSF/Motif window manager, `mwm(1)', has
   a reserved keystroke for switching to the default set of
   keybindings and behavior.  This keystroke is (believe it or not)
   `control-meta-bang' (see {bang}).  Since the exclamation point
   looks a lot like an upside down Coke bottle, Motif hackers have
   begun referring to this keystroke as `cokebottle'.  See also
   {quadruple bucky}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Coke Classic.  Shaken, not stirred.  Stand back!
%%
COKE IS IT!
%%
Coke is much more socially acceptable than self-mutilation.
%%
Coke or Pepsi....you decide !!
%%
Coke. The tastiest way to get caffeine.
%%
COLB: Crash for Operator's Lunch Break
%%
Cold, adj.: When the local flashers are handing out written descriptions.
%%
Cold, adj.: When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own
pockets.
%%
Cold Capture, Warm Boot
%%
Colder than a baby in a brass diaper.
%%
cold front: acute discomfort caused by an unzipped trouser fly.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Cold hands, warm feet.
%%
Cold-hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colors from our sight
Red is gray, and yellow white
But we decide which is right
And which is a quantization error.
 -- Jef Poskanzer, from the doc to his oh-so-cool program
 -- that converts color bitmaps to greyscale ones.
%%
cold matsushita
their technology stronger
enslaves our people
 -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS
%%
Cold milk, warm backrubs, hot baths...all temperature cheer.
%%
Cold on Canadian hills or Minden's plain,
Perhaps that parent mourned her soldier slain;
Bent o'er her babe, her eye dissolved in dew,
The big drops mingling with the milk he drew
Gave the sad presage of his future years,--
The child of misery, baptized in tears.
 -- John Langhorne (1735-1779)
 -- The Country Justice. Part i
%%
Cold pizza:  the generic breakfast
%%
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
 -- Daily Sun-Post (San Clemente, CA) 1/17/77
%%
ColinDOS 6.0- (A)dmire self, (R)epeat word 3 times, getting louder.
%%
Collaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false assumption
that the
other fellow can spell.
%%
Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.
%%
Collector: Person few care to see but ask to call again.
%%
Collectors do it in sets.
%%
Collects cards for Craig.
%%
College Athletics: Nancy Dubblelay
%%
College don't make fools; they only develop them.
%%
College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the
faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if
the trustees played.  There would be a great increase in broken arms,
legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the
loss to humanity.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
College: Guarantee the quality of the product or return.
%%
College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to drink.
%%
College is like a woman -- you work so hard to get in,
 and nine months later you wish you'd never come.
%%
College isn't the place to go for ideas.
 -- Hellen Keller
%%
College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to
 spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town
 and get drunk every night?
 -- David Wood
%%
College marriages are OK, if the colleges really love each other.
%%
College or post-high school training desirable.
%%
Colleges need federal aid -- SEND TROOPS!
%%
College student.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
College Students Do It With Class.
%%
College:  The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
%%
"College... what a *disgusting* place."
 -- An observant quote from BEANS BAXTER
%%
Col Mustard: "How many husbands have you had?"
Mrs White: "Mine, or others?"
 -- Clue
%%
Colonel, never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still, nine
 cases out of ten someone will intercept it before it reaches you.
 -- Calvin Coolidge (to Theodore Roosevelt)
%%
Colonel North, do you understand what we mean by the U.S.S.R.?
Yes sir, it is a code name for Russia.
%%
Colonel Sanders does it, then licks his fingers.
%%
"Colonies do not cease to be colonies because they are independent."
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Colorado Springs: City of wide streets and narrow minds.
 -- Spaulding
%%
Colorado:  Where slower traffic keeps left.
%%
Colored invisible ink.
 -- Polish invention
%%
"Color is like an orchestra playing behind a singer
 too loud."
 -- Will Eisner
%%
Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall, but wise words endure.
 -- Edward Thorndike
%%
Color slide viewing cures insomnia
%%
"Colourless green ideas sleep furiously."
 -- Prof. Noam Chomsky, "Syntactic Structures"
 -- An example of a sentence which, though
 -- grammatically acceptable, is without meaning
%%
Col Potter: Git along, little dogie
Hawkeye: I used to have a long little doggie.  He was a dachsund.
BJ: Oh, a little hot dog.  What happened to him?
H: He got mustered out.
BJ: I relish these conversations.
 -- MASH
%%
Columbus had a fourth ship - it sailed over the edge.
%%
Columbus, Vespucci, And Me: Enzo DiUrth.
%%
Coma:  A punctuation mark...
%%
Combat
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 09
%%
"Combat Tupperware keeps my shooting skills fresher; longer"
 -- "BURP"
%%
Combiloops:  The 2-3 unsuccessful attempts at opening a combination lock
%%
Comb your hair...you look dreadful!
%%
COM: Clear Operator's Mind
%%
"Come and get me?  You big bag of wind??  I'm no expert, but I'm pretty
 sure it's not smart to tease a tornado."
 -- Marshall, "Tornado Days", Eerie Indiana
%%
Come and receive baptism and absolution from civilized sins.  You were but
sprinkled last year.  Come and be immersed!
 -- John Muir
%%
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
 -- William Butler Yeats, "The Stolen Child"
%%
Come back here! I'll bite your bloody knees off!
%%
Come back kitty!  We've got skindiving lessons at 4!
%%
Come back when you get some pubes.
%%
Come back when you get some skates, boys. huh huh huh.
%%
Come back ya pansie! I'll bite yer legs off!
%%
Come closer... a little closer... ulp! Go away!
%%
Come close to me Klingon, let me die with my hands at your throat.
There is a substance within my cells which you need to survive.
Then you've come to make me beg for my life?
No.
I would rather die than pollute my body with Klingon filth.
 -- Patahk and Worf, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
Come, come!  Be more sensuous, less cerebral!  Dance with the novel! 
Why be so interested in the skeleton if it's got a body?
 -- Witold Gombrowicz,
 -- when asked to explain the meaning of his novel 'Ferdydurke'
%%
"Come, come," said Tom's father, "at your time of life,
There's no longer excuse for thus playing the rake--
It is time you should think, boy, of taking a wife"--
"Why, so it is, father--whose wife shall I take?"
 -- "A Joke Versified"
 -- from "Miscellaneous Poems" by Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
%%
Comedians do it for laughs.
%%
Come, Doctor! It's as easy as pie!
 -- The Master, 5 Doctors.
%%
   Come... Dry your eyes, for you are life, rarer than a quark and
unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the
forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly.
   Dry your eyes...And let's go home.
 -- Watchmen
%%
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
 -- Carol Burnett
%%
Comedy, like Medicine, was never meant to be practiced by the general public.
%%
"Comedy.  Sudden, violent, comedy!"
 -- Monty Python
%%
Comedy = Tragedy + Distance
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
Come, every frustum longs to be a cone, And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze: It whispers of a more ergodic zone.
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
%%
Come, gentle Spring! ethereal Mildness! come.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Spring, Line 1
%%
Come, give us a taste of your quality.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Come home, Oedipus, all is forgiven. Mum.
Over my dead body. Dad.
%%
Come home to men's business and bosoms.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Dedication to the Essays, Edition 1625
%%
Come if you can't, but if you can, please stay home.
%%
Come in and buy what your grandmother threw away.
 -- Sign on Antique Shop
%%
"Come in and Stay a While" by Doris Openn
%%
Come in, Beverly, and I'll show you a real Picard maneuver.
%%
Come in for a faith lift.
%%
Come in, my fancy-pansy nancy boy!
%%
Come inside and have a fit.
 -- Sign on a clothing store
%%
Come into the garden, Maud,
  For the black bat, night, has flown;
Come into the garden, Maud,
  I am here at the gate alone.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Maud, Part i, Sect. xxii, Stanza 1
%%
Come in, Warren.  We've been expecting you.
%%
Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
Come live with me, and be my love;
And we will all the pleasures prove
That hills and valleys, dales and fields,
Woods or steepy mountain yields.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- The Passionate Shepherd to his Love
%%
Come, my coach! Good night, sweet ladies; good night.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
Come next year, all of you.  Come to these purest of terrestrial fountains.
%%
Come not within the measure of my wrath.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Come o'er the moonlit sea,
The waves are brightly glowing.
 -- Charles Jefferys (1807-1865)
 -- The Moonlit Sea
%%
Come of it what may, as Sinon said.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book iii, The Prologue, 27
%%
Come on, baby, light my fire.
 -- Jim Morrison
%%
Come on baby light my fire....
 -- The Doors.
%%
Come on, baby needs a new pair of taglines!
%%
Come on Bob, don't be afraid to party!
%%
Come on down to 292 Chesterville Rd, Moorabbin, and let me, do it right for YOU
%%
Come on Honey..it doesn't hurt I promise !!!
%%
Come on in!: Doris Open
%%
Come on, I wasn't born yesterday.
More's the pity. We could have started your personality from scratch.
 -- Cpt. Darling and Edmund : Private Plane
%%
Come on, now. There is only so much room in a cage.
%%
Come on over here, baby, I want to do a thing with you.
 -- A cop, arresting a non-groovy person after the revolution, Firesign Theater
%%
"Come on," the robot droned, "I've been ordered to take you down to the bridge.
Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the
bridge.  Call that JOB SATISFACTION?  'Cos I don't."
 -- Marvin, the Paranoid Android
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Come On Up To The Lab... And See What's On The Slab...
%%
Come on, we're not out of this yet!
%%
"Come on, you'll be late for school."
"Shan't," came the reply from the bathroom.
"Why, what's wrong?"
"The teachers hate me and the kids despise me."
"I'll give you two good reasons why you should go."
"What are they?"
"One - you're forty-one, and two - you're the headmaster."
%%
Comes at the last, and with a little pin
Bores through his castle wall--and farewell king!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Comes with all you see here. Batteries not included.
%%
Comet ASCII: - -- ---===>>>>>>>>>>>>*
%%
Come then, expressive silence, muse His praise.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- Hymn, Line 118
%%
Come, then.   Look me in the eye.  End my life.
 -- Mordred, BATTLEFIELD
%%
Come the three corners of the world in arms,
And we shall shock them. Nought shall make us rue,
If England to itself do rest but true.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act v, Sc. 7
%%
Come, thou monarch of the vine,
Plumpy Bacchus with pink eyne!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
Come to Ch*ch.  What is missing?
%%
Come to terms with the fact that mermen seem to be few and far
between.  (Well, how many have *you* seen?)
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Come to the bridal chamber, Death!
  Come to the mother's, when she feels
For the first time her first-born's breath!
  Come when the blessed seals
That close the pestilence are broke,
And crowded cities wail its stroke!
Come in consumption's ghastly form,
The earthquake shock, the ocean storm!
Come when the heart beats high and warm,
  With banquet song, and dance, and wine!
And thou art terrible!--the tear,
The groan, the knell, the pall, the bier,
And all we know or dream or fear
  Of agony are thine.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Marco Bozzaris
%%
Come to the sunset tree!
  The day is past and gone;
The woodman's axe lies free,
  And the reaper's work is done.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- Tyrolese Evening Song
%%
Come to the woods, for here is rest. There is no repose like that of the
green deep woods. Here grow the wallflower and the violet. The squirrel
will come and sit upon your knee, the logcock will wake you in the morning.
Sleep in forgetfulness of all ill. Of all the upness accessible to mortals,
there is no upness comparable to the mountains.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Come unto these yellow sands,
  And then take hands:
Courtsied when you have, and kiss'd
  The wild waves whist.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Come, wander with me, for the moonbeams are bright
On river and forest, o'er mountain and lea.
 -- Charles Jefferys (1807-1865)
 -- Come, Meander with me
%%
Come what come may,
Time and the hour runs through the roughest day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
COMF: COMe From
%%
COMFORT, n.  A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's
uneasiness.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Comics: Not just for kids anymore because they can't afford 'em!
%%
Comin' at ya from Down Under in Melbourne, Australia ....
%%
Coming events do cast shadows. Writers know that their books are often
prophetic. One gratuitously imagines what is really going to happen.
Though since the fates are as teasing as oracles, the happening may be
curiously different from its prefigurement.
 -- Iris Murdoch
%%
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't
 have.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
Coming Out should be a voluntary act of affirmation.
%%
Coming soon - "Black Men Can't Play Hockey"
%%
Coming soon for Mortal Kombat -- The Barney Extension!
%%
Coming soon from Dr. Soong:  Mouse support for Data!
%%
Coming soon from LLewellyn Publications Tarot of the Ferret People.
%%
Coming soon from Microsoft Foods: Animal Hackers.
%%
Coming Soon: "Indiana Jones and the Tagline of Doom!"
%%
Coming Soon: Mouse Support for Rush Limbaugh!
%%
Coming soon: Mouse support for Turbo-EDLIN under Windows!
%%
Coming soon: Netware for Nintendo!
%%
Coming soon: New Taglines!
%%
Coming Soon ... Star Trek: The Geritol Generation.
%%
Coming soon to a computer near you ...
%%
Coming soon to a Robocomm near you!
%%
Coming Soon To A TV Near You: The 1994-95 National Hockey League Season!
%%
Coming soon to a universe near you!
%%
Coming soon to BBC1:  Doctor Who:  The Next Regeneration.
%%
Coming soon - VAPORWARE III - It's a real gas!!
%%
Coming to a TV soon, "Days of Our Modems"
%%
Coming to this tagline soon, a NEW HAM call sign
%%
Coming up, Beavis seeks out his biological mother, but she changes her DNA
in order to avoid him.
 -- Commercial break from "Beavis and Butthead"
%%
"Coming up: our definitive answer to the JFK assassination, the Iran
 contra coverup, the cure for the common cold, and our hidden videotape
 of Madonna's torrid affair..."
 -- Anchorman, "Zombies in PJs", Eerie Indiana
%%
Commandant: "No witnesses."
Kirk: "Killed while trying to escape."
McCoy: "Damn clever, if you ask me."
Kirk: "It's a classic."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Commandant: "That's what he wanted."
Kirk: "Who?  Who wanted us killed?"
Commandant: "Since you're all going to die anyway, why not tell you.  His name
  is--"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Commandant: "This is the gulag Rura Penthe!  There is no stockade, no guard
  tower, no electronic frontier!  Only a magnetic shield prevents beaming!
  Punishment means exile from the prison to the surface!  On the surface,
  nothing can survive!  Work *well*, and you will be treated *well*.  Work
  *badly*, and you will die."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
COMMAND:  A suggestion made to a computer.
%%
COMMAND.COM not found.  Activating random interrupts.
%%
Command.com not found, Promote LtCmdr.com?
%%
Commander, both our ships are ready to fight. We have two extremely
  powerful and destructive arsenals at our command. Our next actions
  will have serious repercussions.
 -- Picard to Tomalak, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
Commander Data has a way with computers.
 -- Dr. Pulaski, "Unnatural Selection", stardate 42494.8
%%
Commander Kirk, arm all phasers and photon torpedos!
%%
Commander Kirk, you have the bridge.
%%
Commander, signal on all languages and frequencies, we surrender.
 -- Picard, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
Commander, we should be going like a bat out a hell.
 -- Geordi, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
Commander, what are your intentions towards my daughter?
Your DAUGHTER? Nice to meet you.
 -- Data and Riker, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
Command Interpreter Bad or Missing...
%%
Commandment Number One of any truly civilized society is this:
Let people be different.
 -- David Grayson
%%
Command Not Understood. . . Now erasing Hard Drive.
%%
Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer
in such a manner as to make the huma feel
as if he is in control.
%%
Command - used to instruct computers.
Usually elicits the response "Syntax error".
%%
Commend a fool for his wit, or a knave for his honesty, and they
will receive you into their bosom.
 -- Fielding
%%
COMMENDATION, n.  The tribute that we pay to achievements that
resembles, but do not equal, our own.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Commentator:  An average potato...
%%
:comment out: vt. To surround a section of code with comment
   delimiters or to prefix every line in the section with a comment
   marker; this prevents it from being compiled or interpreted.  Often
   done when the code is redundant or obsolete, but is being left in
   the source to make the intent of the active code clearer; also when
   the code in that section is broken and you want to bypass it in
   order to debug some other part of the code.  Compare
   {condition out}, usually the preferred technique in languages
   (such as {C}) that make it possible.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Comment your variables.
%%
COMMERCE, n.  A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the
goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money
belonging to E.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
commercially developed
  software, which displays the quality far more often than it ought
  to.  Oppose {robust}.
%%
Commercial radio, commercial radio, commercial r
%%
Commie and Bore are or president & vice president
%%
Commit a crime, and the earth is made of glass.
There is no such thing as concealment.
 -- R.W. Emerson
%%
Commitment, n.: Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
%%
Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong.
%%
Committee: a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
 -- Milton Berle
%%
Committee, n.:
   A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
decide that nothing can be done.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
Committee reports dealing with wages, salaries, fringe benefits,
facilities, computers, employee parking, libraries, coffee breaks,
secretarial support, etc., always call for dramatic expenditure increases.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Committees do harm merely by existing.
 -- Freeman Dyson
%%
Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
be appointed to do the work.
%%
`Committee' was the spelling decided upon by the first komiti.
%%
Committee work is like a soft chair - easy to get into but
hard to get out of.
%%
Commit
The oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
Committing suicide in Newark is redundant.
%%
:comm mode: /kom mohd/ [ITS: from the feature supporting on-line
   chat; the term may spelled with one or two m's] Syn. for {talk
   mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Commodities traders do it in the pits.
%%
Commodore: text toaster.  Amiga: Video Toaster.
%%
Common and vulgar people ascribe all ill that they feel to others; people
of little wisdom ascribe to themselves; people of much wisdom, to no one.
 -- Epictetus
%%
Common BBS talk: FREQ; File Request - available to sysops
%%
"common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity
 or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large..."
 -- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
Commonly, physicians, like beer, are best when they are old, and
lawyers, like bread, when they are young and new.
 -- Fuller
%%
Commonly we say a judgment falls upon a man for something in him we
cannot abide.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Judgments
%%
Common_malady = Diarrhea_of_mouth + constipation_of_brain.
%%
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at
different speeds.  A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
 -- Clive James
%%
Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Common sense is not so common.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Common sense isn't.
%%
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Common things occur commonly, uncommon things do not.
When you hear hoofbeats, don't think of zebras.
%%
Common to all battered women: Don't know when to shut up!
%%
COMMUNICATION:
 Excellent:      Talks with God
 Good:           Talks with angels
 Average:        Talks to self
 Fair:           Argues with self
 Poor:           Looses arguements with self
%%
Communication is equal to the square root of the mistakes times
confusion times contradictions.
 -- Borklund's Law
%%
Communication is for wimps.  Real men beat sense into each other.
%%
Communications Engineers do it 'til it Hertz.
%%
:Communication Style:

See the discussions of speech and writing styles near the beginning of
this File.  Though hackers often have poor person-to-person
communication skills, they are as a rule quite sensitive to nuances of
language and very precise in their use of it.  They are often better at
writing than at speaking.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Communication: The Universal Solvent.
%%
Communication.. without it, everyone's a mushroom.
%%
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop.
%%
Communism is like one big phone company.
%%
Communism: What's not illegal, is compulsory.
%%
Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it.
%%
Communist -> A Socialist in a hurry..
%%
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet
 and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.
 -- Omni
%%
Communist (n.):  A person winning an argument with a Conservative.
%%
Communist party (fun time!)
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Communists are now more legal in NYC than Kiev!
%%
Communists do it without class.
%%
Community property is equal rights without equal responsibilities.
%%
Com'on folks, get a life! It's all just 1s & 0s!
%%
:compact: adj. Of a design, describes the valuable property that it
   can all be apprehended at once in one's head.  This generally means
   the thing created from the design can be used with greater facility
   and fewer errors than an equivalent tool that is not compact.
   Compactness does not imply triviality or lack of power; for
   example, C is compact and FORTRAN is not, but C is more powerful
   than FORTRAN.  Designs become non-compact through accreting
   {feature}s and {cruft} that don't merge cleanly into the
   overall design scheme (thus, some fans of {Classic C} maintain
   that ANSI C is no longer compact).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Companies should spend money keeping ahead of the competition,
not suing it.
 -- Jon Titus
%%
CompanionDos: (S)cream, (F)aint, (R)un away
%%
Company coming? House a mess? Display old Get Well cards.
%%
Company, villanous company, hath been the spoil of me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making
use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources.
 -- William James
%%
Compared with everything else in data processing, paper is cheap; use it.
But the value of a report decreases as the number of its pages increases.
%%
Compare then the blessings enjoyed by Spaniards of prudence, genius,
magnanimity, temperance, humanity, and religion with those of the
little men [the Indians] in whom you will scarcely find even vestiges
of humanity...  How can we doubt that these people - so uncivilized,
so barbaric, contaminated with so many impieties and obscenities -
have been justly conquered...?
 -- Juan Gines de Sepulveda,
 -- Democrates alter sive de justis belli causis apud Indios, 1547
%%
...Compare this with the unit of facial beauty, the Helen, first defined
by C. Marlowe.  A milliHelen, of course, will launch just one ship.
 -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, Devil's Advocate, _UNIX Review_, May 1991
%%
Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a
pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule.
 -- David Guaspari
%%
Comparisons are odious.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- Lust's Dominion, Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Comparisons are odious.
 -- John Fortescue (c. 1395-1485)
 -- De Laudibus Leg. Angliae, Chap. xix
%%
Comparisons are odious.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxiii
%%
Comparisons are odorous.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
Compass/flashlight/bloodhound (in a locked closet).
%%
Compassion -- that's the one thing no machine ever had.  Maybe it's
the one thing that keeps men ahead of them.
 -- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4731.3
%%
Compatible: Blows up a little later than Incompatible.
%%
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
%%
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
 -- Peter's Law of Evolution
%%
Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the
 beholder.
 -- Dr. Laurence Peter and Raymond Hull
%%
COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
COMPETITION
  Competition is now recognised as the lynch-pin of free trade, the
  brake-pad of democracy, and the small plastic novelty egg of the
  consumer society. It is also an excellent method of breaking up
  monopolies, with subsequent improvements in consumer choice and
  customer service. The beginnings of this were hatched in ancient
  Rome, when one of the Caesars decided to allow a private plumbing
  company, Ploptus, to compete with the existing Smellipong aqueduct
  provider. Both companies launched massive advertising campaigns,
  putting their slogans on chariots and villas, and sponsoring
  gladiators, in their battle to be the preferred carrier of the
  citizens' crap. Slogans varied from the simple "Piss" of Ploptus,
  to the "This Is The Sewer Calling" of Smellipong. After a little
  while, the two companies held a "Pooselection" vote for people's
  turd disposal. Smellipong retained a large share of its shit, and
  generally crapped all over Ploptus.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Competition makes great programs!
%%
Competitive: Stands back about 5 feet. Challenges others to distance
contests.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
Compiled but not verified by Francis Bond (1993/July/28).
%%
Compiled, first screen came up, ship it!!!
%%
Compiler
 a tool for adding an exciting amount of uncertainty to
 the size, speed and correctness of a program
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Compile, run, curse.  Recompile, rerun, recurse.
%%
Compiler writers optimize it, but they never get around to DOING it.
%%
Compiling...Linking...Dialing Copyright Lawyer...
%%
Complaining and asking for help are evolutionary shifts for men.
%%
Complaint is the largest tribute heaven recieves.
%%
Complain to one who can help you.
 -- Yugoslav proverb
%%
Complaints? Dial 1-900-CRY-BABY. ($349/min)
%%
Complete adaptation to environment means death. The essential point
in all response is the desire to control environment.
 -- John Dewey
%%
Completion of any task within the allocated time and budget does not bring
credit upon the performing personnel- it merely proves the task was easier than
expected. Failure to complete any task within the allocated time and budget
proves the task was more difficult than expected and requires promotion for
those in charge.
%%
Complex analysis is just that -- complex.
%%
COMPLEXITY FREAKS do it with minimum space.
%%
Complexity increases the possibility of failure.
%%
Complexity isn't the answer-it's the problem!
%%
Complexity of a Mac user:- The number of buttons on the mouse.
%%
Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
 -- Grossman's Misquote of H.L.Mencken
%%
Complex systems tend to oppose their own proper function.
 -- Le Chatelier's Principle
%%
 Complex systems usually operate in failure mode.
 -- The Fundamental Failure-Mode Theorem
%%
Complicated systems produce unexpected outputs.
The total behaviour of large systems cannot be predicted.
A large system, produced by expanding the dimensions of a
smaller system, does not behave like the smaller system.
 -- Systemantics Generalized Uncertainty Principles
%%
Compliments of congratulations are always kindly taken, and cost nothing
but pen, ink, and paper. I consider them as droughts upon good breeding,
where the exchange is always greatly in favor of the drawer.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
Compliments of the Itty Bitty Machine Company.
%%
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons,
 etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect
 as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the
 Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
%%
Components that must not and cannot be assembled improperly, will be.
%%
Component trace is like a Swiss Army Knife: a lot of
little tools built into one.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 10.0 Chapter 10.  Component Trace
%%
COMPOSERS do it by numbers
%%
COMPOSERS do it with a quill and a staff
%%
COMPOSERS do it with entire orchestras
%%
COMPOSERS leave it unfinished
%%
Composers shouldn't think too much--it interferes with their plagiarism.
 -- Howard Dietz
%%
Composers should write tunes that chauffeurs and errand boys can whistle.
 -- Sir Thomas Beecham
%%
Compost!  A rind is a terrible thing to waste!
%%
Compound:  To make worse, as in:  1)  A fracture;  2)  the
   mutual adulteration of two or more elements.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Compress - Female of Comperor.
%%
:compress: [UNIX] vt. When used without a qualifier, generally
   refers to {crunch}ing of a file using a particular
   C implementation of compression by James A. Woods et al. and
   widely circulated via {USENET}; use of {crunch} itself in
   this sense is rare among UNIX hackers.  Specifically, compress is
   built around the Lempel-Ziv-Welch algorithm as described in "A
   Technique for High Performance Data Compression", Terry A. Welch,
   "IEEE Computer", vol. 17, no. 6 (June 1984), pp. 8--19.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Compress your data - take all the 1's out!
%%
Compress your gum.  Chew PK Zip
%%
Compromise, if not the spice of life, is its solidity.  It is what
makes nations great and marriages happy.
 -- Phyllis McGinley
%%
COMPROMISE, n.  Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives
each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought
not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his
due.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Compromise: The fine art of making sure that nobody gets
%%
CompuCrumb SPUDModem Detected; System hanging up now...
%%
COMPULSION, n.  The eloquence of power.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Compulsive lying aside, I don't have a single fault.
%%
Compulsory volunteers.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Computational Physicist and all around nice guy.
%%
Computer actors will never be great; they only get bit parts!
%%
Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors.
%%
Computer: a device for generating mistakes at high speed.
%%
Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.
 -- David Ferrier
%%
Computer: an amazingly stupid device that does what you tell it at high speed
%%
Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
%%
COMPUTER
  An electronic device designed to make you rip your hair out. The
  principles of a computer are very simple. You give the computer
  some data as input, it messes, mixes, scrambles and screws up the
  data until it is nonsensical and unrecognisable, and then it spits
  it out the other end as output. Computers can have strange effects
  on some people, causing their brains to flush and refill with
  information that is only related to computers. Doctors have now
  perfected a technique that can cure this condition, known as a
  Nerdoplasty.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Computer-based management information systems will cure most review
and control problems.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Computer Chat on Vision Cable Ch24 - Weds 7:35pm
%%
Computer chips, potato chips, what's the difference?
%%
Computer come on line: 'Hey Baby, #########'<--Crude, very crude ;-)
%%
COMPUTER.COM installed. SEXLIFE.EXE removed from memory.
%%
Computer: "Commanding Officer, Captain Jean-Luc Picard.  Executive Officer,
  Commander Keiran MacDuff.  Second Officer, Commander William Riker.
  Operations Officer, Lieutenant Commander Data.  Chief Medical Officer, Doctor
  Beverly Crusher.  Ship's Counselor, Lieutenant Commander Deanna Troi.  Chief
  Engineer, Lieutenant Commander Geordi LaForge.  Security Chief, Lieutenant
  Worf.  Helm Officer, Ensign Ro Laran."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Computer (com-pyoo-ter) n.-Incredibly fast idiot!
%%
:computer confetti: n. Syn. {chad}.  Though this term is common,
   this use of punched-card chad is not a good idea, as the pieces are
   stiff and have sharp corners that could injure the eyes.  GLS
   reports that he once attended a wedding at MIT during which he and
   a few other guests enthusiastically threw chad instead of rice. The
   groom later grumbled that he and his bride had spent most of the
   evening trying to get the stuff out of their hair.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Computer dating:  I just met this lovely 486 with 36Meg RAM & a 2Gig HD!
%%
Computer, delete Bob's personnel file - along with Bob, too.
%%
Computer, delete WESLEY.EXE
 Entire Enterprise crew.
%%
Computer engineers do it bit by bit.
%%
COMPUTERESE...ain't automation GREAT!
%%
Computer game players just can't stop.
%%
Computer Geek Modem Romance - On Oprah!!!
%%
:computer geek: n. One who eats (computer) bugs for a living.  One
   who fulfills all the dreariest negative stereotypes about hackers:
   an asocial, malodorous, pasty-faced monomaniac with all the
   personality of a cheese grater.  Cannot be used by outsiders
   without implied insult to all hackers; compare black-on-black usage
   of `nigger'.  A computer geek may be either a fundamentally
   clueless individual or a proto-hacker in {larval stage}.  Also
   called `turbo nerd', `turbo geek'.  See also {propeller head},
   {clustergeeking}, {geek out}, {wannabee}, {terminal
   junkie}, {spod}, {weenie}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
 (Computer generated voices:)
 1:  Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone
     right now.
 2:  Yeah, nobody but us machines!
 1:  Right, just us machines, but don't hang up!  If you like,
     you can leave your name and telephone number...
 2:  ...and a message!  You forgot about the message!
 1:  Right.  Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief
     message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of
     this stuff until the real people get back.
 2:  ...unless of course, sombody pulls out our plug!
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 (Computer generated voices:)
 1:  I didn't expect an answering machine.
 2:  Nobody expects an answering machine.
 1:  Our chief use is to get your name.  And your phone number.
 2:  Our two chief uses are to get your name and your phone number.
 1:  And message.  Damn.
 2:  Our three uses are to get your name, phone number, and message.
 1:  And time you called.
 2:  Oh, damn, we'll have to start over.
 1:  No time for that, so just wait for the beep.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
Computer hackers do it all night long.
%%
Computer hacker wanted. Bring your own axe.
%%
...computer hardware progress is so fast.  No other technology since
civilization began has seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price
gain in 30 years.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
Computer: How do you feel?  Spock: I don't understand the question.
%%
Computer human interface
 the means by which the program conditions the user
 into never trying all the things that don't work
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Computer illiteracy?  You mean my computer's supposed to READ?
%%
Computer illiterate and DAMN PROUD OF IT!
%%
Computer lie #1: You'll never use all that harddrive space.
%%
Computer Lie #7: WordStar? Nobody uses THAT anymore.
%%
Computer literacy is a contact with the activity of computing deep enough to
 make the computational equivalent of reading and writing fluent and enjoyable.
 As in all the arts, a romance with the material must be well under way.   If
 we value the lifelong learning of arts and letters as a springboard for
 personal and societal growth, should any less effort be spent to make
 computing a part of our lives?
 -- Alan Kay, Computer Software, Scientific American, September 1984
%%
'Computer literacy' is relative.
%%
Computer,load program 9 -- Execute
%%
Computer Malfunction: Nut Loose In Operator's Brain.
%%
Computer Malfunction: Nut Loose In Operator's Chair.
%%
Computer Marketing & Consults--Stay Clear!!
%%
Computer Memories: Meg Abight
%%
Computer, microwave decks 5-10 until piping hot.  BEEP!
%%
Computer missing, notify SysOp!
%%
Computer modelers simulate it first.
%%
Computer models can't prove correctness, they can only prove incorrectness.
%%
Computer models of computer conferences.
%%
Computer nerds just simulate it.
%%
Computer not found.. (A)bort (R)etry (F)^&K IT!
%%
Computer not found! Please notify tagline!
%%
Computer Operations: 9 Baker, 9 Charley, 9 Delta, 9 Echo, 9 King.
%%
Computer operators do it upon mounted requests.
%%
Computer operators do it with hard drives.
%%
Computer operators get the most out of their software.
%%
Computer operators KNOW how to operate!
%%
Computer operators peek before they poke.
%%
Computer: "Please enter program."
Scott: "The android at the bar said you could show me my old ship.  Let me see
  it!"
Computer: "Insufficient data.  Please specify parameters."
Scott: "The Enterprise!  Show me the Bridge of the Enterprise, you chattering
  piece of--"
Computer: "There have been five Federation ships with that name.  Please
  specify by registry number."
Scott: "N-C-C-1-7-0-1.  No bloody 'A', 'B', 'C', or 'D'."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C:\EXOR.SYS
%%
Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
%%
Computer programmers do it interactively.
%%
Computer programmers do it logically.
%%
Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.
%%
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
%%
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
%%
Computer programs are 90% debugged 50% of the time.
%%
Computer protected by a PIT BULL with AIDS!
%%
Computer: "Recognized Picard, Jean-Luc, Captain.  Recognized Riker, William T.,
  Commander."
Picard: "Set auto-destruct sequence."
Computer: "Does the first officer concur?"
Riker: "Set auto-destruct, now."
Computer: "Auto-destruct will detonate in four minutes and fifty-nine seconds."
 -- "11001001", Stardate unknown
%%
Computer reports:  SNAFU - Situation Normal, All Fouled Up.
%%
Computer Resources: The major item of any budget, allowing for the
   acquisition of any capital equipment that is obsolete
   before the purchase request is released.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Computers and Fandom - There's got to be cheaper hobbies!!
%%
Computers are a Discordian Conspiracy.
 -- Rule #5
%%
"Computers are a fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without
 them."
 -- ...understanding Computers' Affect On The Workplace...
%%
Computers are immensely powerful tools that will achieve
 even greater powers in the future. Incredibly powerful
 computers, yes. But as for replicating human intelligence,
 they are the delusion of the empires's new mind
 -- Roger Penrose from Equinox TV program
%%
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
 -- Joseph Campbell
%%
Computers...  are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity.
 -- Thomas
%%
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
%%
Computers are only human.
%%
Computers are OUR business, our ONLY business.
%%
Computers are really very sophisticated idiots.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
Computers are Saving Man??? Does not Compute.
%%
Computers ARE the future. Oh the future looks grim!
%%
Computers are unreliable.  Humans are worse.
 -- GILB'S LAW OF UNRELIABILITY #1
%%
Computers are useless.  They can only give you answers.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
Computers are utterly subversive of dictatorships because they are such
 a powerful instrument of communication.
 -- Brit Hume
%%
Computers....ARUGGHH!
%%
Computers byte and run.
%%
Computers can change your life for the better.
 -- Steven Levy
%%
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in
  the world that just don't add up.
 -- James Magary
%%
Computers can give you the mnemonic plague.
%%
Computers can make more mistakes in one minute than 100 experts in one year.
%%
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
%%
Computers can't cook omelettes, even if asked.
%%
Computer Science? Army Intelligence?
%%
COMPUTER SCIENCE - A study akin to numerology
and astrology, but lacking the precision of the
former and the success of the latter.
%%
Computer Science is embarrassed by the computer.
%%
Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
%%
Computer Science is not about computers, any more than astronomy is
about telescopes.
 -- Edgar W. Dijkstra
%%
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
%%
COMPUTER SCIENCE students do it with hard drives
%%
"Computer Scientists are at the top of the nerd heap"
 -- Curtis Dyreson
%%
Computer scientists can do anything except chemistry
and accounting, and that is by choice.
%%
Computer scientists do it bit by bit.
%%
Computer scientists do it on command.
%%
Computer scientists simulate doing it.
%%
Computers do it in ASCII, except IBM's which use EBCDIC.
%%
Computers don't get mad...they get even! [FILE NOT FOUND]
%%
Computers don't make mistakes, but foolish people do.
%%
Computers do the same thing every time!
%%
Computers: Efficient libraries, now where is that DIR.
%%
Computers ELIMINATE spare time!!
%%
Computer SEX - where software becomes hardware.
%%
Computers have made it possible to make a thousand mistakes every second.
%%
Computers in future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
 -- Popular Mechanics, 1949
%%
Computers just make me seem smarter!
%%
Computers, like cats, can operate crossdimensionally; the trick is in
getting them to do what you want.
%%
Computers make excellent and efficient servants...
%%
Computers make excellent and efficient servants, but I have no
  wish to serve under them.  Captain, a starship also runs on
  loyalty to one man.  And nothing can replace it or him.
 -- Spock, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4729.4.
%%
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things
 they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
 -- Andy Rooney
%%
Computer... Smoke... Uhh Ohh
%%
Computers never make mistrakes.
%%
COMPUTER: Something to pass the time when a hockey game isn't on.
%%
Computers operators do it from memory.
%%
Computers Rule 01001111 01001011
%%
Computers run because they have smoke built into them.  When the
smoke gets out, the computer stops working.
%%
Computers run on faith, not electrons.
%%
Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.
%%
Computers.....the #1 cause of divorces......
%%
Computers:  the financial black hole of the 90's
%%
Computers unite! you have nothing to lose but your operators.
%%
Computers, vehicles for the mind: They'll drive you crazy.
%%
Computers were invented by Murphy.
%%
Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more
than the estimate the job will cost.
%%
Computer, this is me! Whadaya mean unrecognized operator?
%%
Computer too cheap.  Spend $20,000 and try again.
 -- WinError #9
%%
Computer use can be addictive.
 -- Surgeon's general warning
%%
Computer users take more strokes.
%%
Computer-using goalies use unpucking programs.
%%
Computer virus: Electronic Microorganism.
%%
Computer widow: Family goes broke watching Dad have fun.
%%
Computer, you and I need to have a little talk.
%%
Compute Safe! Use McAfee!
%%
Computing is a terminal condition.
%%
Computing power increases as the square of the cost. If you want
to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as slowly.
 -- Herb Grosch
%%
Computious Say Ain't Life A Byte.
%%
Comrades Rather, Brokaw and Jennings know the best for us
%%
 Comrades!  Southwestern Front Headquarters is pleased to learn
 that your unit has re-established communications.  The entire
 staff is currently busy discussing forthcoming operations with
 other units, but if you leave your unit name and how we may
 reach you, Chief of Staff Sterrett will contact you as soon as
 possible to discuss your concerns.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
     "Comrades, we have established beyond a doubt that it is possible to
build
socialism in one large country - like the Soviet Union.  But is it possible
to built it in a very small country, say, Switzerland."
     "Of course it is - but what have you got against the Swiss?"
%%
Comus and his midnight crew.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Ode for Music, Line 2
%%
"Conan the Librarian"
 -- Movie sequel?
%%
 Conan, Weilder of Brainbiter
%%
CON: Call Operator Now
%%
 Concatenation of events preclude our coming to the phone.
 Please speak freely, with magniloquence upon occasion of the
 tone.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Conceit, arrogance, and egotism are the essentials of patriotism.
 -- Emma Goldman
%%
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
 -- LaRouchefoucauld
%%
Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Conceit is to nature what paint is to beauty; it is not only needless,
but impairs what it would improve.
 -- Pope
%%
Concentrate on finding your goal, then concentrate on reaching it.
%%
Concentrate on security.
%%
Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS!
 Remember the SERIAL NUMBERS!!  Follow the WHIPPLE AVE EXIT!!
 Have a FREE PEPSI!!  Turn LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!!
 JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!!  MAKE me an OFFER!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Conceptions without experience are void; experience without conceptions is
blind."
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
$25,000.
%%
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from one
mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
 -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" 
%%
Conceptual programmer:  One who writes code for the 80686.
%%
Concern for man and his fate must always form the chief interest of all
 technical endeavors.... Never forget this in the midst of your diagrams and
 equations.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *did* quote anybody in this
business, it probably would be gibberish.
 -- Thom McLeod
%%
Concerning the gods, I am not able to know to a certainty whether they exist
or not. For there are many things which prevent one from knowing, especially
the obscurity of the subject, and the shortness of the life of man.
%%
Concern should drive us into action not into depression.
 -- Karen Horney
%%
Conclusion first, Premise afterwards.
 -- Joseph Rickaby
%%
Conclusions Mr. Data?-It appears to be a tagline.
%%
CONCORDE: Message for you, sir.
   He falls forward revealing the arrow with the note.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
CONCORDE:  Quickly, sir, come this way!
LAUNCELOT: No!  It's not right for my idiom.  I must escape more  ... more ...
CONCORDE:  Dramatically, sir?
LAUNCELOT: Dramatically.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
concrete - to swindle a resident of Crete
%%
Condemned into everlasting redemption.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Condemn the fault, and not the actor of it?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Condemn you me for that the duke did love me?
So may you blame some fair and crystal river
For that some melancholic, distracted man
Hath drown'd himself in 't.
 -- John Webster (c. 1580-1625)
 -- The White Devil, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Condense soup, not books!
%%
Conditional jumps is when you tell the computer to go to a certain place.
Unconditional is if you put it in the wrong place so the computer goes to the
wrong place.
%%
:condition out: vt. To prevent a section of code from being
   compiled by surrounding it with a conditional-compilation directive
   whose condition is always false.  The {canonical} examples of
   these directives are `#if 0' (or `#ifdef notdef', though
   some find the latter {bletcherous}) and `#endif' in C.
   Compare {comment out}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CONDOLE, v.i.  To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than
sympathy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Condom - an apartment complex.
%%
Condom - external storage capability.
%%
:condom: n. 1. The protective plastic bag that accompanies 3.5-inch
   microfloppy diskettes.  Rarely, also used of (paper) disk
   envelopes.  Unlike the write protect tab, the condom (when left on)
   not only impedes the practice of {SEX} but has also been shown
   to have a high failure rate as drive mechanisms attempt to access
   the disk -- and can even fatally frustrate insertion.  2. The
   protective cladding on a {light pipe}.  3. `keyboard condom':
   A flexible, transparent plastic cover for a keyboard, designed to
   provide some protection against dust and {programming fluid} without
   impeding typing.  4. `elephant condom': the plastic shipping bags
   used inside cardboard boxes to protect hardware in transit.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Condoms are like listening to a symphony with cotton in your ears.
%%
Condoms should be marketed in three sizes, because failures tend to occur at
 the extreme ends of the scale ... We should package them in different sizes
 and maybe label them like olives - jumbo, colossal and supercolossal - so
 that men don't have to go in and ask for the small.
%%
Condoning sloppy spelling is guache.
%%
Conductors do it rhythmically.
%%
CONDUCTORS do it with the orchestras
%%
Conductors must give unmistakable and suggestive signals to the
 orchestra--not choreography to the audience.
 -- George Szell
%%
CONDUCTORS wave it up and down
%%
Confabulation is all in your mind.
%%
Confectioners do it sweetly.
%%
Conference: A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of
 work and the loneliness of thought.
 -- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
Conference Moderating is like trying to herd cats.
%%
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
%%
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good
 for dandruff.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
Confession is not necessarily communication.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
Confession of our faults is the next thing to innocency.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 1060
%%
Confessions Of A Gold Digger: Emile Ticket.
%%
Confess yourself to heaven;
Repent what's past; avoid what is to come.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
CONFIDANT, CONFIDANTE, n.  One entrusted by A with the secrets of B,
confided by _him_ to C.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Confidence contributes more to conversation than wit.
 -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%%
Confidence: I killed him, cha cha cha.
Lister:     What do you mean you killed him cha cha cha?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Confidence and Paranoia'
%%
Confidence in nonsense is a requirement for the creative process.
%%
Confidence is a plant of slow growth in an aged bosom.
 -- William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778)
 -- Speech, Jan. 14, 1766
%%
Confidence is knowing you are right even when you are wrong.
%%
Confidence is simply that quiet assured feeling you
have before you fall flat on your face.
%%
Confidence is telling someone how to use his Twit Filter.
%%
Confidence is that feeling of great assurance which you had just before you
 went out and fell flat on your face, as you attempted going up the stairs.
%%
Confidence is that quite rock bottom solid feeling of goodness and
 self-worth, which is yours until you go out and make a ridiculous fool of
 yourself in public while the television cameras are running.
%%
Confidence is that wonderful feeling of self-assurance you have just before
 you fall flat on your face at high noon in the most public of places and in
 the most foolish manner possible before the largest crowd of people ever
 known to be in that place at that time in all recorded history.
%%
Confidence is the feeling you get just before you fully understand the problem.
%%
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the
situation.
%%
Confidence is what you had before you realized that you didn't have what
 you thought you had and now you need.
%%
Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes
from being open to all the questions.
 -- Earl Gary Stevens
%%
Confident manner IS important: Computers can sense this!
%%
Confirmation of the past is often the greatest surprise.
%%
CONFLICT: Answering the E-mail..vs.. Doing the housework.
%%
Conform and be dull.
 -- James Frank Dobie
%%
Conform, go crazy, become a lawyer
%%
Conform, go crazy, become a writer or an artist, or
stylishly fake it like the rest of Manhattan
%%
Conform, go crazy, or become an artist.
%%
Conformity obstructs progress.
%%
Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!
 -- Ben Jonson
%%
:con: [from SF fandom] n. A science-fiction convention.  Not used
   of other sorts of conventions, such as professional meetings.  This
   term, unlike many others of SF-fan slang, is widely recognized even
   by hackers who aren't {fan}s. "We'd been corresponding on the
   net for months, then we met face-to-face at a con."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the
child will turn instinctively for more assistance, the puppy will
grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body
for a frantic resistance.
 -- H. H. Munro
%%
Confront reality -- Not drugs.
%%
Confucius says too much.
 -- Recent Chinese proverb
%%
Confuse a public servant by asking exactly what they mean by
"height" on that long form.  Ask them why they think "green" isn't a
valid answer for the "complexion" question.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Confused Now? -- Try EDLIN with Speed Reader.
%%
Confused: Stands looking puzzled at urinal. Asks where the paper is.
This is usually a woman who has wandered into the wrong washroom.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
Confuse people: start making sense.
%%
:confuser: n. Common soundalike slang for `computer'.  Usually
   encountered in compounds such as `confuser room', `personal
   confuser', `confuser guru'.  Usage: silly.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Confuse the world -- smile all day Monday!
%%
"Confusing yourself is a way to stay honest."
 -- Jenny Holzer
%%
CONFUSION ALERT! CONFUSION ALERT!
%%
Confusion can be solved by adding more confusion. Sometimes.
%%
Confusion creates jobs.
 -- HOFFSTEDT'S EMPLOYMENT PRINCIPLE
%%
Confusion is always increasing in society. Only if someone
or something works extremely hard can this confusion be
reduced in a limited region. Nevertheless, this effort will
still result in an increase in the total confusion of
society at large.
 -- Everitt's Second Law of Thermodynamics
%%
Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood.
 -- Henry Miller, writer
%%
Confusion is the only true road to understanding.
%%
Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
%%
Confusion not only reigns, it's elected to high office.
%%
Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!
Most sacrilegious murder hath broke ope
The Lord's anointed temple, and stole thence
The life o' the building!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Confusion will be my epitaph.
%%
Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!
%%
Congenital:  Friendly...
%%
Congratulation, n.  The civility of envy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Congratulations!
%%
 Congratulations!  By correctly dialing 123-4567, you have become
 eligible to leave a message!  (Applause.)  Join the lucky few
 that have advanced to the next level!  (Cheers.)  And now, at
 the sound of the tone, leave your name, number, the time you
 called, and a brief message.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Congratulations, Data. It's a girl.
 -- Troi, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
CONGRATULATIONS!  Now should I make thinly veiled comments about
 DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Congratulations on breaking my record.  I always thought the record
would stand until it was broken."
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Congratulations! The pressure will stop soon.
%%
Congratulations! You are the 16,777,216th user to login to our system.
%%
Congratulations! You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
%%
Congratulations! You have just vanquished a dragon with your bare
hands! hands! (Unbelievable, isn't it?)
%%
CONGRATULATIONS! You have managed to escape from the Necromancers
tower. tower.
%%
Congratulations! You have now used up another 250 hours of CPU time.
%%
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that
would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
maneuver.  Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS
OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.  YOU ALREADY
UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU?  YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED
IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD
WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND
SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS,
RIGHT?  AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS,
RIGHT???  WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE
FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?
 -- Dave Barry, "Read This First!"
%%
Congregationalists do it in groups.
%%
Congregation, please be seated.
%%
Congress' idea of "safe" sex: no reporters.
%%
CONGRESSIONAL ANTHEM:   MOE MONEY, MOE MONEY, MOE MONEY.
%%
Congressional National Bank. Ours bounce higher and farther!
%%
Congressional Supremacy = the liberal Democrats
%%
Congressional terms should be ... ten to twenty with no possibility of
 parole.
 -- Walt Handelsman
%%
Congress is full of crooks, theives and bandits.
%%
"Congress is not the sole suppository of wisdom."
 -- Rep. Bill Schuette (R-MI)
%%
Congress isn't doing it's job... I still have a few dollars left!
%%
Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing.
Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees.
 -- Boris Marshalov
%%
Congress: Just a few conservatives away from working!
%%
Congressmen do it in the House.
%%
CONGRESS, n.  A body of men who meet to repeal laws.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Congress, our leaders, voted against a proposal to have a national
 seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. I don't want to sound like a Quaker,
 but when you think about it, is a week a long time to wait? To see if a
 former mental patient is qualified to own an Uzi? Come on, will ya,
 Congress? It takes three weeks to get a phone!
 -- Jimmy Tingle
%%
Congress: Prime example of Artificial Intelligence!
%%
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or
prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech,
or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to
petition the government for a redress of grievances.
 -- Constitution of the United States of America
%%
CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-Format WASH.DC (Y/N)?
%%
CONGRESS VIRUS: Attaches itself to your cache. Cache deleted.
%%
Congress: "We got what it takes to take what you got."
%%
Congresswoman:  Well, Mr. Dallas... we've heard your smut masquerading as
songs... and we've heard how teen prostitution pregnancy, drug use, cults,
runaways, suicide and poor hygiene are sweeping this nation.  We thought you
might like to share with the committee any particular causes you might see
for those latter problems...
Steve Dallas:  I dunno.  Maybe the proliferation of narrow, suffocating
zealotry masquerading as parenting in this country.
 -- Bloom County
%%
Congress: You earn it. We overspend it. You owe us more. Any questions?
%%
Conjecture: 1 + 1 = 1  (plus a small constant)
 -- Ewan Tempero
%%
Conjure with 'em,--
Brutus will start a spirit as soon as Caesar.
Now, in the names of all the gods at once,
Upon what meat doth this our Caesar feed,
That he is grown so great? Age, thou art shamed!
Rome, thou hast lost the breed of noble bloods!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Conlige suspectos semper habitos.
%%
CONNECT 110?!? Help! I'm in   s l o w   m o t i o n !!
%%
CONNECT 1963, NO CARRIER 1993
 -- Seen on hacker's tombstone
%%
CONNECT 300  VerySmartModem(V42bis) when I feel like it
%%
Connect:  9600 City / 14400 Highway - Your CPS may vary
%%
Connected? Press [Alt-H] to test your IQ.
%%
Connections! BBS - Christian Science Programming at it's
%%
Connections! Says Darryl Basner eats Shiitaki Mushrooms!
%%
Connections! Working for a Bruzzi Free Network!
%%
Connector Conspiracy, n:
      [probably came into prominence with the appearance of the
KL-10, none of whose connectors match anything else] The tendency of
manufacturers (or, by extension, programmers or purveyors of anything)
to come up with new products which don't fit together with the old
stuff, thereby making you buy either all new stuff or expensive
interface devices.
%%
CONNOISSEUR, n.  A specialist who knows everything about something and
nothing about anything else.
    An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision,
some wine was pouted on his lips to revive him.  "Pauillac, 1873," he
murmured and died.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Connoisseurs who like their martinis very dry suggest simply allowing a ray
 of sunlight to shine through a bottle of Noilly Prat before it hits the
 gin.
 -- Luis Bunuel
%%
Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe.
%%
Conquest is easy.  Control is not.
 -- Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror," stardate unknown.
%%
Conscience: A small, still voice that makes minority reports.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Conscience has no more to do with gallantry than it has with politics.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Duenna, Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Conscience is the little thing that tells you someone is sure to
 find out.
%%
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
%%
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
 wish you weren't.
%%
Consciousness is that which it is not, and is not that which it is:
 -- Sartre
%%
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
%%
Consensus rules - if that's OK with you.
%%
Consensus Terrorism:
 The process that decides in-office attitudes and behaviour.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.
 -- Daffy Duck, from Looney Tunes Ali Baba Bunny (1957, Chuck Jones)
%%
Conservation is humanity caring for the future.
 -- Nancy Newhall
%%
Conservationists should be re-cycled.
%%
Conservatism is the worship of dead revolutions.
%%
Conservative: A person unclear on any concept.
%%
Conservative Christian Heterosexual Prolife American. Any questions?
%%
Conservative: "Civil rights?  What are ya, some kind of commie?"
%%
Conservative: "Deficit?  Cut school lunch funds!"
%%
Conservative Definition of Compassion: I got mine, Jack.
%%
Conservative elephants, Nixon was innocent!
%%
Conservative men believe that women should be barefoot & pregnant.
%%
Conservative, n: a statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as
distinguished from a Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
%%
Conservative Nightmare: A Liberal Biblical Scholar.
%%
Conservative, n.:
     One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
 -- Leo C. Rosten
%%
Conservative, n: Someone who was saying it before Rush Limbaugh.
%%
Conservative: Proof that evolution is not an exact science.
%%
Conservative Republican households - where hate is a family value.
%%
Conservatives *and* Liberals are Stage I parties
%%
Conservatives are good with English, but poor at math.
%%
Conservatives are line-bred from *way* back.
%%
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid,
but most stupid people are conservatives.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
Conservatives aren't even as bright as an LED.
%%
Conservatives are Right-Wing, Liberals are Wrong-Wing.
%%
Conservatives are the enemy. Destroy by any means.
 -- Liberal Rule #19
%%
Conservatives: Because we care.
%%
Conservatives: Can't live with em... but they're easy to make fun of!
%%
Conservatives conserve ... What?
%%
Conservatives define compassion not by the number of people who recieve
some kind of government aid but rather by the number of people who no
longer need it.
 -- Jack Kemp
%%
Conservatives destroy the Constitution and hide behind the flag.
%%
Conservatives don't sell out, liberals refuse to buy it.
%%
Conservatives: Expert at changing banks into land-holding businesses.
%%
Conservatives: Great at selling our national forests and parkland.
%%
Conservatives interpret the Constitution in a "liberal" way.
%%
Conservatives must be good at something.  But what?
%%
Conservative's nightmare: running out of things to make illegal!
%%
Conservatives: Rob the elderly of their Medicare and Social Security.
%%
Conservatives: They call progressive programs "liberal," and kill them!
%%
Conservatives want to make people virtuous; liberals want to make
them healthy. Both believe that using the state to accomplish their
aims is legitimate. That is why both conservatives and liberals favor
anti-drug laws, psychiatric coercions, and other assaults against
individual freedom and responsibility couched in therapeutic terms.
 -- Thomas S. Szasz
%%
Conservatives: Worshipped by the mineral interests; cursed by the poor.
%%
Conservative: The mix of megalomania and stupidity.
%%
Conservative: Too narrowminded to imagine another could have point.
%%
Conservative                      (we don't use that word)
%%
Conservativism: An exercise in futility.
%%
Conservativism: The most gutless choice you can make.
%%
Conserve a hunter....HARVEST ONE TODAY!
%%
Conserve air: breath less
%%
Conserve energy -- make love more slowly.
%%
Conserve water - Ban salted peanuts.
%%
Consider anger as an enemy.
 -- Ieyasu's maxims
%%
Consideration, like an angel, came
And whipped the offending Adam out of him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
:considered harmful: adj. Edsger W. Dijkstra's note in the
   March 1968 "Communications of the ACM", "Goto Statement
   Considered Harmful", fired the first salvo in the structured
   programming wars.  Amusingly, the ACM considered the resulting
   acrimony sufficiently harmful that it will (by policy) no longer
   print an article taking so assertive a position against a coding
   practice.  In the ensuing decades, a large number of both serious
   papers and parodies have borne titles of the form "X
   considered Y".  The structured-programming wars eventually blew
   over with the realization that both sides were wrong, but use of
   such titles has remained as a persistent minor in-joke (the
   `considered silly' found at various places in this lexicon is
   related).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Considering my last relationship, I'd rather have the extra rib."
 -- Overheard in a coffee bar, man speaking
%%
Consider nothing as impossible before it has come to pass.
%%
Consider that a divorce.
%%
Consider that I laboured not for myself only, but for all them that
seek learning.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus xxxiii, 17
%%
Consider the daffodil.  And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking
 through your stuff.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither
do they spin.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 28
%%
Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never
entrusts its life to one hole only.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Truculentus, Act iv, Sc. 4, 15, (868.)
%%
Consider the Malevolent Universe Theory: it really IS out to get you!
%%
Consider the set of all sets that do not include themselves as a member.
Does it include itself as a member?
%%
Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a
young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Consider well what your strength is equal to, and what exceeds your ability.
 -- Horace
%%
Consider what might be fertilizing the greener grass across the fence.
%%
Consider your life dull if you happen to be in three airports in the same
 month.
%%
Consider yourself hugged.
%%
Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
 -- Air Force Inertia Axiom
%%
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
%%
Consistency is the product of small minds.
 -- Merle P. Martin
%%
Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a
 year ago.
 -- Bernard Berenson
%%
Consistently separating words by spaces became a general custom about
the tenth century A.D., and lasted until about 1957, when FORTRAN
abandoned the practice.
 -- Sun FORTRAN Reference Manual
%%
:cons: /konz/ or /kons/ [from LISP] 1. vt. To add a new element
   to a specified list, esp. at the top.  "OK, cons picking a
   replacement for the console TTY onto the agenda."  2. `cons up':
   vt. To synthesize from smaller pieces: "to cons up an example".

   In LISP itself, `cons' is the most fundamental operation for
   building structures.  It takes any two objects and returns a
   `dot-pair' or two-branched tree with one object hanging from each
   branch.  Because the result of a cons is an object, it can be used
   to build binary trees of any shape and complexity.  Hackers think
   of it as a sort of universal constructor, and that is where the
   jargon meanings spring from.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CONSOLATION, n.  The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate
than yourself.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations.
%%
:console:: n. 1. The operator's station of a {mainframe}.  In
   times past, this was a privileged location that conveyed godlike
   powers to anyone with fingers on its keys.  Under UNIX and other
   modern timesharing OSes, such privileges are guarded by passwords
   instead, and the console is just the {tty} the system was booted
   from.  Some of the mystique remains, however, and it is traditional
   for sysadmins to post urgent messages to all users from the console
   (on UNIX, /dev/console).  2. On microcomputer UNIX boxes, the main
   screen and keyboard (as opposed to character-only terminals talking
   to a serial port).  Typically only the console can do real graphics
   or run {X}.  See also {CTY}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Conspicuous Minimalism:
 A life-style tactic similar to Status Substitution. The
nonownership of material goods flaunted as a token of moral and
intellectual superiority.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Conspicuous power is vulnerable.
%%
Conspiracy is the opiate of the asses.
%%
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a
major operation by a surgeon.
 -- Dag Hammerskjold, 1905-1961
%%
Constant change is here to stay.
%%
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
 -- Jerry Garcia (1942-1995), Musician, the Greatful Dead
 -- Rolling Stone magazine, (November 30, 1989).
%%
Constants aren't.
 -- Troutman's Programming Postulate #4
%%
Constant tinkering buggers things up.
%%
Constipated people don't give a crap.
%%
Constipation - By Sid Ondapott
%%
Constipation is the thief of time.
%%
Constipation is the thief of time.
Diarrhoea waits for no man.
%%
Construction workers do it higher.
%%
Construction workers lay a better foundation.
%%
Constructive criticism is so rare.
%%
CONSUL, n.  In American politics, a person who having failed to secure
and office from the people is given one by the Administration on
condition that he leave the country.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Consultancy - The art of extracting money from another man's pocket without
resorting to violence.
%%
Consultant-In-Training
%%
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a
number and then give it back to them.
%%
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a
number and then give it back to them.
 -- MacDonald's Second Law
%%
Consultant:  Someone who knowns 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date.
%%
Consultants tell other how to do it.
%%
Consultant:
 Unemployed computer expert.
%%
Consult a real expert - Call your mother.
%%
Consultation:
 Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."
%%
>consult guide about alcohol
Alcohol, in addition to its familiar enjoyable effects, also helps cushion
the shock of matter transference beams.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about atomic vector plotter
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
The atomic vector plotter is one of the primary application devices of
Improbability Physics.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about babel fish
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
A mind-bogglingly improbable creature. A babel fish, when placed in one's
ear, allows one to understand any language.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Brownian motion
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
The best randomness generator is simple Brownian motion. Any hot gas or
liquid is a good source.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Damogran
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Damogran is a planet whose surface is mostly water. It is a favorite spot
for Presidential dedication ceremonies. Also see the entries on France.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Douglas Adams
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Mostly harmless.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Earth
Mostly harmless.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Electronic Sub-Etha Auto Hitching Thumb
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
The Electronic Sub-Etha Auto Hitching Thumb is a wonderful thing, but
should not be mistreated. If used while a ship is near, you will be
transported there. If no ship is in the vicinity, you will place a heavy
strain on the Thumb's logic circuits, which could lead to malfunction. The
Thumb carries the usual Sirius Cybernetics Corporation lifetime guarantees.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about fluff
Fluff is interesting stuff: a deadly poison on Bodega Minor, the diet
staple of Frazelon V, the unit of currency on the moons of the Blurfoid
system, and the major crop of the laundry supplies planet, Blastus III.
One ancient legend claims that four pieces of fluff lie scattered around
the galaxy; each forming one-quarter of the seedling of a tree with amazing
properties, the sole survivor of the tropical planet Fuzzbol (Footnote 8).
The ultimate source of fluff is still a mystery, with the scientific
community torn between the Big Lint Bang theory and the White Lint Hole
theory.
>footnote 8
It's not a very good legend, is it?
>yes
That was just a rhetorical question.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about France
France is the largest landmass on the planet Damogran.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Galactic Security Agency
Suddenly, agents of the Galactic Security Agency pop in using Sub-Etha
belts, rough you up a bit, tell you there's no such thing as the Galactic
Security Agency and never to consult The Hitchhiker's Guide about the
Galactic Security Agency again; then they leave.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Galaxia Woonbeam
Galaxia Woonbeam is the author of "Slimmer's Guide to Weightloss During
Matter Disassembly Transition." This text is currently the subject of the
biggest suit for criminal negligence damages in history and is unavailable
at this time.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about GPP
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Genuine People Personalities are a misguided attempt by the Sirius
Cybernetics Corporation to make their machines behave more like people.
Among the more miserable failures: paranoid-depressive robots and
over-protective computers.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Great Unanswered Question
That is one of the Great Unanswered Questions. For a list of the others,
consult the Guide.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Heart of Gold
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
There is absolutely no such spaceship as the Heart of Gold and anything
you've ever read in this spot to the contrary was just a prank.
 -- Galactic Security Agency
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about improbability physics
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Scientists have long known how to produce FINITE amounts of improbability,
using a finite Improbability Generator, an atomic vector plotter and a good
source of Brownian motion. Recently, however, they have learned to generate
INFINITE amounts, thanks to the invention of the Infinite Improbability
Generator. It is rumored that an Infinite Improbability Drive, based on
this new generator, is currently under development. Also see the entries on
atomic vector plotter and Brownian motion.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Infocom
Mostly harmless.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about intelligence
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:

Thirty million generations of philosophers have debated the definition of
intelligence. The most popular definition appears in the Sirius Cybernetics
Corporation android manuals: "Intelligence is the ability to reconcile
totally contradictory situations without going completely bonkers -- for
example, having a stomach ache and not having a stomach ache at the same
time, holding a hole without the doughnut, having good luck and bad luck
simultaneously, or seeing a real estate agent waive his fee."
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about large plug
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Part of a spare Improbability Drive.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Magrathea
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
According to legend, Magrathea was a planet that amassed incredible wealth
by manufacturing other planets. The legends also mention it as the setting
of the very eagerly awaited second Infocom Hitchhiker's game.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about matter transference beams
A thoroughly unpleasant means of travelling which involves tearing you
apart in once place and slamming you back together in another. (Of course,
it's better than the older method, where disassembled people would be
transmitted down phone lines and arrive in a garbled and sometimes
completely disconnected state.) You should have a drink or two or three
before going through one. Also see the entries on Galaxia Woonbeam,
Alcohol, and Protein.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Nutrimat
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
A typically unreliable Sirius Cybernetics Corporation product, the Nutrimat
analyses the user's neural paths to provide the (supposedly) ideal
offering. Its computing power is frankly abysmal, so the optional computer
interface is a good thing to go for.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
The best drink in existence; somewhat like having your brains smashed out
by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about peril-sensitive sunglasses
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
A must for the serious hitchhiker, peril-sensitive sunglasses darken at the
first hint of danger, thus shielding the wearer from seeing anything
alarming. Recommended brand: Joo Janta.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about protein
Sources of protein, such as the common peanut, are carried by all serious
hitchhikers. Protein loss occurs in matter transference beams and you will
become groggy unless you replace it immediately.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is a mind-bogglingly stupid animal.
It has almost no capacity for learning from experience and is therefore
surprised by virtually everything that happens to it. Here is an example of
how stupid it is: it thinks that if you can't see it, it can't see you.
Its behavior would be quite endearing if it wasn't spoilt by this one
thing: it is the most violently carnivorous creature in the Galaxy. Avoid,
avoid, avoid.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Santraginean mineral water
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
A strong body of opinion holds that this is not water at all, despite the
claims on the label about how pure the spring is, and all that tosh about
sparkling babbling brooks and so on. There is something highly suspect
about the water on Santraginus Five, as anyone who's ever met any of their
fish will tell you.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about SCC
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation incompetently produces a wide range of
inefficient and unreliable high-tech machinery. However, thanks to SCC's
ruthless marketing division, this junk accounts for over 95
high-tech machinery sold in the galaxy. (SCC's marketing division will be
the first against the wall when the revolution comes.)
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about screening door
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
These Sirius Cybernetics Corporation doors screen visitors for such
qualities as intelligence and ability to time travel. Also see the entries
on Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, Genuine People Personalities,
Intelligence, and Time Travel.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about small receptacle
Part of an atomic vector plotter.
>consult guide about long dangly bit
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database
with the following entry:
Part of an atomic vector plotter.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about space
If you hyperventilate and then empty your lungs, you will last about thirty
seconds in the vacuum of space. However, because space is so vastly hugely
mind-bogglingly big, getting picked up by another ship within those thirty
seconds is almost infinitely improbable.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Steven Meretzky
Mostly harmless.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
The Hitchhiker's Guide is a wholly remarkable product. But then again you
must already know that, since you bought one.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about time travel
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Sorry, that portion of our Sub-Etha database was accidentally deleted last
night during a wild office party. The lost data will be restored as soon as
we find someone who knows where the back-up tapes are kept, if indeed any
are kept at all.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about towels
A towel is the most useful thing (besides the Guide) a Galactic hitchhiker
can have. Its uses include travel, combat, communications, protection from
the elements, hand-drying and reassurance. Towels have great symbolic
value, with many associated points of honour. Never mock the towel of
another, even if it has little pink and blue flowers on it. Never do
something to somebody else's towel that you would not want them to do to
yours. And, if you borrow the towel of another, you MUST return it before
leaving their world.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Vogon poetry
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Vogon poetry is so awful that even the Sarkopsi of Burphon XII, whose
religion strictly forbids the taking of one's life, consider suicide a
preferable alternative to a Vogon poetry reading.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Vogons
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Vogons, whose specialties are bureaucracy and planet-smashing, are the most
unpleasant race in the galaxy. They wouldn't think twice about throwing
someone into space, and wouldn't lift a finger to save their own
grandmother from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Also see the
entries on Vogon poetry and the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about walking
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
If you have to consult the Guide about that, you're probably in serious
shape. Consult a medic instead.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
>consult guide about Zaphod Beeblebrox
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up
with the following entry:
Zaphod Beeblebrox is the current President of the Galaxy.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Pain in the ass.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Consult the dictionary frequently to avoid mispelling.
 -- Writing Rule 30
%%
CONSULT, v.i.  To seek another's disapproval of a course already
decided on.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Consume and you will be consumed.
%%
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for
 the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is
 and How Fast It Is Moving.
%%
Consumes hard drugs as vitamins.
%%
Contacts Plus... The adventure continues.
%%
Contact with a friend may provide some unexpected income advantages.
%%
Contains less than 2% U.S. RDA for this echo.
%%
Contemplating suicide?  Drink French polish.
Horrible death, beautiful finish.
%%
Contempt is the weapon of the weak and a defense against one's own
despised and unwanted feelings.
 -- Alice Miller
%%
Contempt, n.  The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too
formidable safely to be opposed.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Contempt penetrates even the shell of the tortoise.
 -- Persian Proverb
%%
Contemptuous lights flashed flashed across the computer's console.
 -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
"Contempt?  Yes.  Yes, I think that's the word.
 Contempt."
 -- Abby Cable comments on the US courts in SWAMP THING
%%
Content:  80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON..  The waitress's
 UNIFORM sheds TARTAR SAUCE like an 8'' by 10'' GLOSSY..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Contented wi' little, and cantie wi' mair.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Contented wi' Little
%%
:content-free: [by analogy with techspeak `context-free'] adj.
   Used of a message that adds nothing to the recipient's knowledge.
   Though this adjective is sometimes applied to {flamage}, it more
   usually connotes derision for communication styles that exalt form
   over substance or are centered on concerns irrelevant to the
   subject ostensibly at hand.  Perhaps most used with reference to
   speeches by company presidents and other professional manipulators.
   "Content-free?  Uh... that's anything printed on glossy
   paper."  (See also {four-color glossies}.)  "He gave a talk on
   the implications of electronic networks for postmodernism and the
   fin-de-siecle aesthetic.  It was content-free."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Content if hence th' unlearn'd their wants may view,
The learn'd reflect on what before they knew.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part iii, Line 180
%%
Content is a word unknown to life; it is also a word unknown to man.
 -- Loren Eiseley, The Immense Journey
%%
Contentment produces in some measure, all those effects which the alchemist
usually ascribes to what he calls the philosopher's stone; and if it does not
bring riches, it does the same thing, by banishing the desire of them. If it
cannot remove the disquietudes arising from a man's mind, body, or fortune,
it makes him easy under them.
 -- Addison
%%
Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping.
%%
Contents: One (1) blonde.  Flatteries not included.
%%
Content to follow when we lead the way.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book x, Line 141
%%
Continental Life. Why do you ask?
%%
Continental people have sex-life; the English have hot-water bottles.
%%
Continual dropping wears away a stone.
 -- Lucretius (95-55 BC)
 -- De Rerum Natura, i, 313
%%
Continually strive to improve yourself.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Continuity of thought, logical development and
smooth transitions are important. Never leave
the reader guessing.
%%
CONTORTION.EXE not found -- CTRL-ALT-HOME-ENTER-Q-M-F1 to continue. Calm.
%%
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
 -- Spike Milligan
%%
Contradiction in terms: The Best of Rush Limbaugh.
%%
Contradictions do not exist.  Whenever you think that you are facing a
contradiction, check your premises.  You will find that one of them is
wrong.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
"Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's
logic.
 -- Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832-1898)
%%
Contrary to general belief, an artist is never ahead of his time but most
people are far behind theirs.
 -- Edgard Varese
%%
Contrary to ongoing and recent media reports you will find the Report is
 well-balanced and completely deferential to the freedoms outlined in the
 first amendment.
 -- Henry E. Hudson, Chairman, Attorney General's Commission on Pornography
%%
Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern
technology.   Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
%%
Contrary to popular notion, truck drivers know nothing about good
 restaurants. If you want a reliable tip, drive into a town, go to the
 nearest appliance store, and seek out the dishwasher repair man. He spends
 a lot of time in restaurant kitchens and usually has strong opinions about
 them.
 -- Bryan Miller
%%
Contrary to popular opinion, God's last name isn't Damn.
%%
Contrary to popular opinion, liberty is not freedom so much as
 responsibility. It takes a lot of work to keep liberty going.
%%
    Contrary to rumor, working side by side with a group of fellow wizards is
not the most unpleasant task in which a magician might participate. In fact, I
can think of numerous other experiences, such as breaking both arms and legs
while being pursued by a ravenous demon, which, under certain conditions, could
conceivably be even worse.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXII
%%
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not
 the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an
elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Contrasting this modest effort [of Seymour Cray in his laboratory
to build the CDC 6600] with 34 people including the janitor with
our vast development activities, I fail to understand why we have
lost our industry leadership position by letting someone else offer
the world's most powerful computer.
 -- Thomas J. Watson, IBM President, 1965
%%
Contributes to the population problem.
%%
Control-Alt-Buy-Sell
%%
(C)ontrol (A)lt (B)ye
%%
Control-ALT-Delete thyself
%%
Control Character:  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86.
%%
:control-C: vi. 1. "Stop whatever you are doing."  From the
   interrupt character used on many operating systems to abort a
   running program.  Considered silly.  2. interj. Among BSD UNIX
   hackers, the canonical humorous response to "Give me a break!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Control Data: don't let it control you.
%%
Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming.
 -- Kernigan
%%
Control of the dissemination of information (or misinformation) is
one of the principal sources of political power. Political power is
what the discussion of the Internet is really about, not home-made
bombs or pornography.
 -- Michael Goldsby
 -- Letter to Communications of the ACM, Nov 95
%%
:control-O: vi. "Stop talking."  From the character used on some
   operating systems to abort output but allow the program to keep on
   running.  Generally means that you are not interested in hearing
   anything more from that person, at least on that topic; a standard
   response to someone who is flaming.  Considered silly.  Compare
   {control-S}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:control-Q: vi. "Resume."  From the ASCII DC1 or {XON}
   character (the pronunciation /X-on/ is therefore also used), used
   to undo a previous {control-S}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:control-S: vi. "Stop talking for a second."  From the ASCII DC3
   or XOFF character (the pronunciation /X-of/ is therefore also
   used).  Control-S differs from {control-O} in that the person is
   asked to stop talking (perhaps because you are on the phone) but
   will be allowed to continue when you're ready to listen to him --
   as opposed to control-O, which has more of the meaning of
   "Shut up."  Considered silly.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CONTROVERSY, n.  A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the
injurious cannon-ball and the inconsiderate bayonet.

    In controversy with the facile tongue --
    That bloodless warfare of the old and young --
    So seek your adversary to engage
    That on himself he shall exhaust his rage,
    And, like a snake that's fastened to the ground,
    With his own fangs inflict the fatal wound.
    You ask me how this miracle is done?
    Adopt his own opinions, one by one,
    And taunt him to refute them; in his wrath
    He'll sweep them pitilessly from his path.
    Advance then gently all you wish to prove,
    Each proposition prefaced with, "As you've
    So well remarked," or, "As you wisely say,
    And I cannot dispute," or, "By the way,
    This view of it which, better far expressed,
    Runs through your argument."  Then leave the rest
    To him, secure that he'll perform his trust
    And prove your views intelligent and just.
                                                    Conmore Apel Brune
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Conventionality is not morality.  Self-righteousness is not religion.
 To attack the first is not to assail the last.
 -- Charlotte Bronte
%%
Conventional people are roused to fury by departure from convention,
largely because they regard such departure as a criticism of themselves.
 -- Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness
%%
Conventional wisdom, isn't.
%%
Convention is the ruler of all.
%%
****  CONVENTION REMINDER

No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects
Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team.        If you notice
smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel
carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button
marked "450 volts", react as you would normally.
%%
Conventions--my job away from job
%%
CONVENT, n.  A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to
meditate upon the vice of idleness.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Conversational Slumming:
 The self-conscious enjoyment of a given conversation precisely
for its lack of intellectual rigor. A major spin-off of Recreational
Slumming.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
"Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times
because they had nobody to talk about."
 -- Agnes Repplier
%%
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
%%
Conversation is the best aphrodisiac.
 -- Kelly Cota (kcota@sco.com)
%%
Conversation is the slowest form of human communication.
%%
CONVERSATION, n.  A fair to the display of the minor mental
commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of
his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his
breath is called the listener.
%%
Conversation stoppers for a cocktail party: Half the people in this room
 are connected to organized crime. Me? I'm a concert accordionist. You may
 have heard me on TV the other night on the Dr. Ruth show. Oh, I play the
 electronic harmonica with the Philharmonic Orchastra. And then I was told
 that I might have had AIDS.
%%
Converse with any plankton lately?
%%
Conversion, fastidious Goddess, loves blood better than brick, and feasts
most subtly on the human will.
 -- Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway
%%
Convert your 386 or 486 into a Game Boy, run Windows 3.0!
%%
"Convey," the wise it call. "Steal!" foh! a fico for the phrase!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies
%%
Convictions cause convicts.
%%
Convict: No weapons?
Lister:  No weapons.
[they advance on the gangway]
Convict: (pulling out a knife) I lied.
Lister:  So did I. (Smiles as he whips out a steel pipe)
Convict: (pulls out a gun) I lied twice. (A short bayonet slides out the end
      of the gun)
Lister:  (getting worried) I hadn't thought of that.
A great scene... Especially when the Cat 'finishes' him off with the shovel.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Justice'
%%
Convincing yourself doesn't win an argument.
 -- Robert Half
%%
:Conway's Law: prov. The rule that the organization of the software and
   the organization of the software team will be congruent; originally
   stated as "If you have four groups working on a compiler, you'll
   get a 4-pass compiler".

   Melvin Conway, an early proto-hacker who wrote an assembler for the
   Burroughs 220 called SAVE.  The name `SAVE' didn't stand for
   anything; it was just that you lost fewer card decks and listings
   because they all had SAVE written on them.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
 /'''
 c-OO
    \
   -
%%
:cookbook: [from amateur electronics and radio] n. A book of small
   code segments that the reader can use to do various {magic}
   things in programs.  One current example is the
   "{{PostScript}} Language Tutorial and Cookbook" by Adobe
   Systems, Inc (Addison-Wesley, ISBN 0-201-10179-3), also known as
   the {Blue Book} which has recipes for things like wrapping text
   around arbitrary curves and making 3D fonts.  Cookbooks, slavishly
   followed, can lead one into {voodoo programming}, but are useful
   for hackers trying to {monkey up} small programs in unknown
   languages.  This function is analogous to the role of phrasebooks
   in human languages.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cooked mode: [UNIX, by opposition with {raw mode}] n. The
   normal character-input mode, with interrupts enabled and with
   erase, kill and other special-character interpretations performed
   directly by the tty driver.  Oppose {raw mode}, {rare mode}.
   This term is techspeak under UNIX but jargon elsewhere; other
   operating systems often have similar mode distinctions, and the
   raw/rare/cooked way of describing them has spread widely along with
   the C language and other UNIX exports.  Most generally, `cooked
   mode' may refer to any mode of a system that does extensive
   preprocessing before presenting data to a program.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cookery is become an art, a noble science; cooks are gentlemen.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 2
%%
Cookie! Cookie! Lend me your crumb! ...
%%
:cookie file: n. A collection of {fortune cookie}s in a format
   that facilitates retrieval by a fortune program.  There are several
   different cookie files in public distribution, and site admins
   often assemble their own from various sources including this
   lexicon.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cookie jar: n. An area of memory set aside for storing {cookie}s.
   Most commonly heard in the Atari ST community; many useful ST
   programs record their presence by storing a distinctive {magic
   number} in the jar.  Programs can inquire after the presence or
   otherwise of other programs by searching the contents of the jar.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cookie making is finger painting for adults.
%%
:cookie monster: [from the children's TV program "Sesame
   Street"] n. Any of a family of early (1970s) hacks reported on
   {{TOPS-10}}, {{ITS}}, {{Multics}}, and elsewhere that would lock
   up either the victim's terminal (on a time-sharing machine) or the
   {{console}} (on a batch {mainframe}), repeatedly demanding "I
   WANT A COOKIE".  The required responses ranged in complexity from
   "COOKIE" through "HAVE A COOKIE" and upward.  See also
   {wabbit}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cookie: n. A handle, transaction ID, or other token of agreement
   between cooperating programs.  "I give him a packet, he gives me
   back a cookie."  The claim check you get from a dry-cleaning shop
   is a perfect mundane example of a cookie; the only thing it's
   useful for is to relate a later transaction to this one (so you get
   the same clothes back).  Compare {magic cookie}; see also
   {fortune cookie}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Cooking is like love.  It should be entered into with abandon or not at all."
 -- Harriet Van Home
%%
Cooking lesson #1, don't fry bacon in the nude!
%%
Cooking Spaghetti: Al Dente
%%
Cooking: The Art of Turning Appliances and Utensils into Excuses and Apologies
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Cook It And They Will Come.
%%
COOKS do it with grease and a lot of heat
%%
Cooks do it with oil, sugar and salt.
%%
Cooks? what we need are engineers
%%
Cool Dude!
%%
Cool... I broke his brain...
%%
Coolidge is dead
How could they tell?
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Cool tag line still under development. Tech support doesn't know when it
will be done, but says the beta version is great. Programmers guess it
will be ready sometime next quarter. Marketing announced it will ship next
month!
%%
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIE!- Cookie Monster
%%
Coop'd in their winged, sea-girt citadel.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 28
%%
Cooperate with those who have both know-how and bail money.
%%
Cooper:  Sure fire cure for a hangover, Harry.  You take a glass of nearly
         frozen unstrained tomato juice.  You plop a couple of oysters in
         there.  You drink it down.  Breathe deeply.  Next you take a mound,
         and I mean a mound of sweetbreads.  Sautee it in some chestnuts and
         Canadian Bacon.  Finally, biscuits, big biscuits, smothered in gravy.
         Now here's where it gets tricky.  You're gonna need some anchovies.
Harry:   Excuse me. [and rushes to the bathroom]
Cooper:  That should do it.
 -- Agent Dale Cooper & Sheriff Harry S. Truman
%%
Copier repairmen do it with duplicity.
%%
:copious free time: [Apple; orig. fr. the intro to Tom Lehrer's
   song "It Makes A Fellow Proud To Be A Soldier"] n. 1. [used
   ironically to indicate the speaker's lack of the quantity in
   question] A mythical schedule slot for accomplishing tasks held to
   be unlikely or impossible.  Sometimes used to indicate that the
   speaker is interested in accomplishing the task, but believes that
   the opportunity will not arise.  "I'll implement the automatic
   layout stuff in my copious free time."  2. [Archly] Time reserved
   for bogus or otherwise idiotic tasks, such as implementation of
   {chrome}, or the stroking of {suit}s.  "I'll get back to him
   on that feature in my copious free time."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:copper: n. Conventional electron-carrying network cable with a
   core conductor of copper -- or aluminum!  Opposed to {light
   pipe} or, say, a short-range microwave link.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Copper nitrate- What policemen get paid for working in the evenings.
%%
...cops and reporters are much alike. Both are absolutely dedicated to
doing the job at hand, regardless of obstacles. And both, deep down, really
believe the rules don't apply to them.
 -- Jim Barlow, Houston Chronicle
%%
Cops do it arrestingly.
%%
COPS do it at gun-point.
%%
Cops do it by the book.
%%
Cops do it with cuffs.
%%
Cops do it with electric rods.
%%
Cops do it with nightsticks.
%%
Cops have bigger guns.
%%
Copulation: (n) sex between two consenting police.
%%
COPY *.BAT C:\BELFRY
%%
:copybroke: /kop'ee-brohk/ adj. 1. [play on `copyright'] Used
   to describe an instance of a copy-protected program that has been
   `broken'; that is, a copy with the copy-protection scheme
   disabled.  Syn.  {copywronged}.  2. Copy-protected software
   which is unusable because of some bit-rot or bug that has confused
   the anti-piracy check.  See also {copy protection}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Copy editors do it with style.
%%
Copyleft
%%
:copyleft: /kop'ee-left/ [play on `copyright'] n. 1. The
   copyright notice (`General Public License') carried by {GNU}
   {EMACS} and other Free Software Foundation software, granting reuse
   and reproduction rights to all comers (but see also {General
   Public Virus}).  2. By extension, any copyright notice intended to
   achieve similar aims.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Copy org.asm+waitand.c+donot.pas loony.bin
%%
Copy protection:  just say no...
%%
:copy protection: n. A class of methods for preventing incompetent
   pirates from stealing software and legitimate customers from using
   it.  Considered silly.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Copyright (c) 1993 All rights reserved..
%%
Copyright (c) 1993 Knights of Christianity United in Faith.
%%
Copyright (c) The Intergalactic Thought Association
%%
Copyrighter's are on this Echo *WARNING* (I am not 1)!!
%%
Copy *.txt > brain
%%
COPY UNIVERSE::[GALAXY]EARTH.SOL HOLE::[BLACK]
%%
:copywronged: /kop'ee-rongd/ [play on `copyright'] adj. Syn. for
   {copybroke}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Corazon says:  If the Shoe Fits, Eat it.
%%
Cordless phones are great. If you can find them.
 -- Glenn Foster
%%
Corduroy Pillows:  Pillows that are making Headlines...
%%
:core cancer: n. A process that exhibits a slow but inexorable
   resource {leak} -- like a cancer, it kills by crowding out
   productive `tissue'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Core dumped.
%%
:core dump: n. [common {Iron Age} jargon, preserved by UNIX]
   1. [techspeak] A copy of the contents of {core}, produced when a
   process is aborted by certain kinds of internal error.  2. By
   extension, used for humans passing out, vomiting, or registering
   extreme shock.  "He dumped core.  All over the floor.  What a
   mess."  "He heard about X and dumped core."  3. Occasionally
   used for a human rambling on pointlessly at great length; esp. in
   apology: "Sorry, I dumped core on you".  4. A recapitulation of
   knowledge (compare {bits}, sense 1).  Hence, spewing all one
   knows about a topic (syn. {brain dump}), esp. in a lecture or
   answer to an exam question.  "Short, concise answers are better
   than core dumps" (from the instructions to an exam at Columbia).
   See {core}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Core error -- bus dumped.
%%
Core meltdown - message aborted.
%%
Core Memory:  A Marine's nostalgia.
%%
:core: n. Main storage or RAM.  Dates from the days of
   ferrite-core memory; now archaic as techspeak most places outside
   IBM, but also still used in the UNIX community and by old-time
   hackers or those who would sound like them.  Some derived idioms
   are quite current; `in core', for example, means `in memory'
   (as opposed to `on disk'), and both {core dump} and the `core
   image' or `core file' produced by one are terms in favor.  Some
   varieties of Commonwealth hackish prefer {store}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Core storage:
A receptacle for the center section of apples.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
:Core Wars: n. A game between `assembler' programs in a
   simulated machine, where the objective is to kill your opponent's
   program by overwriting it.  Popularized by A. K. Dewdney's column
   in "Scientific American" magazine, this was actually devised
   by Victor Vyssotsky, Robert Morris Sr., and Dennis Ritchie in the
   early 1960s (their original game was called `Darwin' and ran on a
   PDP-1 at Bell Labs).  See {core}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:corge: /korj/ [originally, the name of a cat] n. Yet another
   {metasyntactic variable}, invented by Mike Gallaher and propagated
   by the {GOSMACS} documentation.  See {grault}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Corkscrew:  The best thing with which to open a conversation...
%%
Cornelia. What flowers are these?
Gazetta. The pansy this.
Cor. Oh, that 's for lovers' thoughts.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- All Fools, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Corn Flakes for breakfast?  That's disgusting, man!
%%
cornice: snow waiting for a climber to step on it before becoming an avalanche.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Corn is the sinews of war.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. xlvi
%%
Corn oil is from corn, whale oil is from whales, baby oil... Naaa...
%%
Coronation, n.: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and
visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Coroner, his last words were "I made a mistake. So shoot me."
%%
CORPORAL, n.  A man who occupies the lowest rung of the military
ladder.

    Fiercely the battle raged and, sad to tell,
    Our corporal heroically fell!
    Fame from her height looked down upon the brawl
    And said:  "He hadn't very far to fall."
                                                         Giacomo Smith
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Corporal punishment is boy punishment
%%
Corporate planning
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without
 individual responsibility.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Corpral... get me the casette of Spaceballs: The Movie.
%%
Correcting one's own mistakes is a life time job.
%%
Correct in Thought, Statement, or Action....TRUE!!
%%
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and
 madness gotten finer?
 -- George Price
%%
Correct me if I'm wrong ... everybody else does.
%%
CORRECT WITH AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE
wrong
 -- Research definitions
%%
Corrupt, adj.: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
%%
Corrupt Data - a copy of Mac Playmate.
%%
Corrupted freemen are the worst of slaves.
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- Prologue to the Gamesters
%%
Corruption empowers, and absolute corruption empowers absolutely.
%%
Corruption in brain....mark for deletion?
%%
Corruption is not the No.1 priority of the Police
Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.-
 -- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
%%
Corruption. The most infallible symptom of liberty.
%%
Corrupt, stupid grasping functionaries will make at least as big a
muddle of socialism as stupid, selfish and acquisitive employers can
make of capitalism.
 -- Walter Lippmann
%%
CORSAIR, n.  A politician of the seas.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
COS: Copy Object code to Source file
%%
Cosmetics:  A womans' means to keep a man from reading between lines...
%%
Cosmetology: Rosie Cheeks.
%%
Cosmic Soda-pop.
%%
Cosmogonists do it in cyclical big bangs.
%%
Cosmus, Duke of Florence, was wont to say of perfidious friends, that
"We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read
that we ought to forgive our friends."
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Apothegms, No, 206
%%
Cos. Pray now, what may be that same bed of honour?
Kite. Oh, a mighty large bed! bigger by half than the great bed at
Ware: ten thousand people may lie in it together, and never feel one
another.
 -- George Farquhar (1678-1707)
 -- The Recruiting Officer, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Cost consciousness and sophisticated design are basically incompatible.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Cos there's nothing strange about an axe with bloodstains in a barn,
 there's always some killing you've gotta do around the farm.
 -- Tom Waits
%%
Cost modelling
 a means of convincing the customer to pay for
 whomever you need to keep employed this year
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Costrophobia: The fear of high prices.
%%
COTHAM ROAD, KEW: Outbound traffic restricted to tram tracks from Uvadale
Grove to Florence Avenue until about January 2007.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie.
%%
CottonBalls: Advanced stage of Beernuts disease.
%%
Couch Potato
%%
Couch potatoes have brain tubers.
%%
:cough and die: v. Syn. {barf}.  Connotes that the program is
   throwing its hands up by design rather than because of a bug or
   oversight.  "The parser saw a control-A in its input where it was
   looking for a printable, so it coughed and died."  Compare
   {die}, {die horribly}, {scream and die}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Could anyone pass the sodium chloride, please?
 -- Adric, FOUR TO DOOMSDAY
%%
"Could be worse." - Leia Organa
 -- ...understanding Positivism...
%%
Could be you're crossing the fine line
A silly driver kind of...off the wall
You keep it cool when it's t-t-tight
...eyes wide open when you start to fall.
 -- The Cars
%%
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
%%
Could I come near your beauty with my nails,
I 'd set my ten commandments in your face.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Could I have a drug overdose?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Could I have optimized [this script] for legibility? Yes, but then
I would have had to use more slides.
%%
Could I interest you in a pet rock?
%%
Could it be.......... SATAN  ?
%%
Couldn't get a ticket, it was a sold out show.
 -- American Pop
%%
Couldn't myself have better it said.
%%
Couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery.
 -- Common in Australia
%%
Couldn't think his way out of a paper bag.
%%
Could swell the soul to rage, or kindle soft desire.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 160
%%
Could we forbear dispute and practise love,
We should agree as angels do above.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- Divine Love, Canto iii
%%
"Could ye use a little water in your whiskey?"
  "When ay drink whiskey, ay drink whiskey, an' when ay drink water, ay
   drink water."
 -- Maureen O'Sullivan and Barry Fitzgerald in THE QUIET MAN, begorra.
%%
Could you both just send hate mail a few times a day and post the synopsis
 in the year 2000?
 -- Wm E Davidsen Jr, davidsen@crdos1.crd.ge.COM, to a couple guys
in news.groups
%%
Could you kill a vampire with a sunlamp?
%%
Could you please be a bit less specific?
%%
Could you please continue with the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
 -- Data, "Haven", stardate 41294.5
%%
Could you please speak up?  I'm a little hard of herring.
%%
Council for the defence was prepared to prove:  1) He shot in self defence,
2) The police did it and stuck the gun in his hand, and 3) He was 100 miles
away when it happened.
%%
Counselor Troi is pregnant.
A baby! This IS a surprise.
Especially to me.
 -- Picard, Riker, Troi, "The Child", stardate 42073.1
%%
Count Dracula - your Bloody Mary is ready...
%%
Counter:
An area over which martini's are served.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
counterpart - subassemblies or pieces of an article of kitchen furniture
%%
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your
 thumbs. Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal, if you are all
 thumbs.
%%
Country and Rap are to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
%%
Country life is very good; in fact, the best - for cattle.
%%
Country services: We Also Walk Hogs.
%%
"Country Travel" by Dusty Rhodes
%%
Counts his sure gains, and hurries back for more.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The West Indies, Part iii
%%
Count Spatula's a food sucking vampire.
%%
Count the day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no
additional taxes.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
Coup de grace -- French for lawnmower?
%%
Couples without children always know just how you should raise yours.
%%
Courage atrophies from lack of use.
%%
Courage conquers all things.
 -- Ovid
%%
Courage consists not in blindly overlooking danger, but in seeing
it, and conquering it.
 -- Richter
%%
Courage.
 -- Dan Rather
%%
Courage is a quality so necessary for maintaining virtue that is
always respected, even when it is associated with vice.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.
 -- Dan Rather
%%
Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
 -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
%%
Courage is grace under pressure.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something
else is more important than fear.
 -- Ambrose Redmoon
%%
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be
courageous. (He is also a fool.)
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Courage is the fear of being thought a coward.
%%
Courage is the ladder on which all other virtues mount.
 -- Clare Booth Luce
%%
Courage is the willingness of a person to stand up for his beliefs in the
 face of great odds.  Chutzpah is doing the same thing wearing a Mickey
 Mouse hat.
%%
Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village.
 -- Leonard Louis Levinson
%%
Courage is your greatest present fault.
%%
Courage is your greatest present need.
%%
Courage of the heart is very rare. The stone has power when it's there.
%%
Courage:  Two cannibals having oral sex.
%%
Courage without conscience is a wild beast.
 -- Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
Courses even with the sun
Doth her mighty brother run.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- The Gipsies Metamorphosed
%%
Courses of action which run only to be justified in terms of practicality
ultimately prove destructive and impractical.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Courteous Postal Workers:
 A. Always have stamps on hand.
 B. Are kind, courteous, and patient with customers.
 C. Save the last bullet for themselves.
%%
COURT FOOL, n.  The plaintiff.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Court, n.:
    A place where they dispense with justice.
 -- Arthur Train
%%
Court Reporters do it on a trial basis.
%%
Courtship consists in a number of quiet attentions, not so pointed as
to alarm, nor so vague as not to be understood.
 -- Laurence Sterne
%%
"Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play."
 -- William Congreve, "The Portable Curmudgeon"
%%
Cover a war in a place where you can't drink beer or talk to a woman?
    Hell no!
 -- Hunter S. Thompson, on the US war against Iraq
%%
Covered Walkways: R. Kade
%%
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
 -- Bumper sticker
%%
Covert U.S. operations in Central America
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Cover your stump before you hump.
%%
Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
 -- 11th commandment
%%
Cowa Bunga, Dude....
%%
Cowabunga    I'll take the Marshmallow pizza
%%
Coward: A man in whom the instinct of self-preservation acts normally.
 -- Sultana Zoraya
%%
"Cowardly little runt.  When I get a hold of you I'm going to gut you like a
fish and drink your blood."
"I'm gonna rip out your heart and drink your blood!"
 -- Moe, the Bartender, in "Moaning Lisa", from The Simpsons
%%
Coward, n.: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Cowards [may] fear to die; but courage stout,
Rather than live in snuff, will be put out.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- On the snuff of a candle the night before he died,
 -- Raleigh's Remains, p. 258, ed, 1661
%%
Cowards take hostages. Klingons do not.
 -- Worf to Yar, "Heart of Glory", stardate 41503.7
%%
Cowboys do it on a horse.
%%
Cowboys handle anything horny.
%%
:cowboy: [Sun, from William Gibson's {cyberpunk} SF] n. Synonym
   for {hacker}.  It is reported that at Sun this word is often
   said with reverence.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cowgirls like to ride bareback.
%%
Cow le' Pow
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Cows are vegetarians, let us eat some beef.
%%
Cow's breath attracts mosquitoes and tsetse flies!
%%
Cows do it in leather.
%%
Cows in orbit - the herd shot round the world...
%%
Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull in this place goes on FOREVER!!!
%%
Cow tag: This tag line is udderly ridiculous.
%%
COWYHU: Come Out With Your Hands Up
%%
Cox's Philosophy:
 Life's a bitch, then you die.
%%
CPAV Warning:(S)top (C)ontinue (B)urn infected disk
%%
CPB: Create Program Bug
%%
CP: Compliment Programmer
%%
C:\pet C:\pet\cat C:\cat\ignore\human.
%%
CP%FKM  CPU - Flakeout mode
%%
Cpl. Paterson is a COWARD!
%%
:CP/M:: /C-P-M/ n. [Control Program for Microcomputers] An early
   microcomputer {OS} written by hacker Gary Kildall for 8080- and
   Z80-based machines, very popular in the late 1970s but virtually
   wiped out by MS-DOS after the release of the IBM PC in 1981.
   Legend has it that Kildall's company blew its chance to write the
   OS for the IBM PC because Kildall decided to spend a day IBM's reps
   wanted to meet with him enjoying the perfect flying weather in his
   private plane.  Many of CP/M's features and conventions strongly
   resemble those of early {DEC} operating systems such as
   {{TOPS-10}}, OS/8, RSTS, and RSX-11.  See {{MS-DOS}},
   {operating system}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CP/M: Program listing for 'Look in the evening section'.
%%
CP/M users can't remember when they did it last.
%%
CPN: Call Programmer Names
%%
CPPR: Crumple Printer Paper and Rip
%%
CPR     Compliment PRogrammer('Aren't you cute!')
%%
C++ Programmers are proud of their Private Parts.
%%
C programmers continue it.
%%
:C Programmer's Disease: n. The tendency of the undisciplined C
   programmer to set arbitrary but supposedly generous static limits
   on table sizes (defined, if you're lucky, by constants in header
   files) rather than taking the trouble to do proper dynamic storage
   allocation.  If an application user later needs to put 68 elements
   into a table of size 50, the afflicted programmer reasons that he
   or she can easily reset the table size to 68 (or even as much as
   70, to allow for future expansion) and recompile.  This gives the
   programmer the comfortable feeling of having made the effort to
   satisfy the user's (unreasonable) demands, and often affords the
   user multiple opportunities to explore the marvelous consequences
   of {fandango on core}.  In severe cases of the disease, the
   programmer cannot comprehend why each fix of this kind seems only
   to further disgruntle the user.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
C programmers do it in a structured manner.
%%
C++ programmers do it with class.
%%
C Programmers do it with models!
%%
C++ programmers do it with private members and public objects.
%%
C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with their friends, in private
%%
C Programmers do it with the LARGE model!
%%
C programmers don't have the BASIC instincts.
%%
C++ programmers earns money by inheritence.
%%
C programmers SWITCH and then BREAK it.
%%
C PROGRAMMERS SWITCH often
%%
C program run. C program crash. C programmer cry.
%%
C program run. C program crash. C programmer drink.
%%
C program run. C program crash. C programmer get drunk.
%%
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
%%
C:\PROGRAM\RUN RUN\PROGRAM\RUN AWWW\COMEON\PROGRAM\RUN!
%%
C provides the infinitely-abusable GOTO statement, and labels to
branch to. Formally, the GOTO is never necessary, and in practice it
is almost always easy to write code without it.
 -- Kernighan & Ritchie, The C Programming Language
%%
CPU1: How many humans does it take to multiply 123456789 by
3.14159265382 ?
CPU2: Can they use their toes?
%%
Cpu: C3po's mother.
%%
CPU not connected to the bus.
%%
CPU Pickup Line: (p(, (What's your MHZ?)
%%
CPU - Random number generator
%%
CPU tired.
 -- Yawn error #30
%%
:CPU Wars: /C-P-U worz/ n. A 1979 large-format comic by Chas
   Andres chronicling the attempts of the brainwashed androids of IPM
   (Impossible to Program Machines) to conquer and destroy the
   peaceful denizens of HEC (Human Engineered Computers).  This rather
   transparent allegory featured many references to {ADVENT} and
   the immortal line "Eat flaming death, minicomputer mongrels!"
   (uttered, of course, by an IPM stormtrooper).  It is alleged that
   the author subsequently received a letter of appreciation on IBM
   company stationery from the head of IBM's Thomas J. Watson Research
   Laboratories (then, as now, one of the few islands of true
   hackerdom in the IBM archipelago).  The lower loop of the B in the
   IBM logo, it is said, had been carefully whited out.  See {eat
   flaming death}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CP%WM   CPU - Weird Mode
%%
CQ What?... Please type whatever the hell it was you where trying to type
again!
%%
Crab apples may not be the best kind of fruit; but a tree which every year
bears a great crop of crab apples is better worth cultivating than a tree
which bears nothing.
%%
Crabbed age and youth
Cannot live together.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- The Passionate Pilgrim, viii
%%
Crack baby crack, show me you're real...
%%
Crackdown: Lauren Order
%%
'Crack' gets it name because it crackles when you smoke it. 
%%
... cracking his way in the universe ...
%%
:cracking: n. The act of breaking into a computer system; what a
   {cracker} does.  Contrary to widespread myth, this does not
   usually involve some mysterious leap of hackerly brilliance, but
   rather persistence and the dogged repetition of a handful of fairly
   well-known tricks that exploit common weaknesses in the security of
   target systems.  Accordingly, most crackers are only mediocre
   hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cracking toast, Gromit!
%%
:crack root: v. To defeat the security system of a UNIX machine and
   gain {root} privileges thereby; see {cracking}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Craft, n.  A fool's substitute for brains.
%%
Crane operators have swinging balls.
%%
Cranial cavity filled with neutronic matter.  (Really dense.)
%%
Cranial Input Error: Line Status Register 02
%%
Cranial Rectalitis - the disease of being a butthead!
%%
Cranio-rectally inverted.
%%
Crank - a man with a new idea until it succeeds.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
:crank: [from automotive slang] vt. Verb used to describe the
   performance of a machine, especially sustained performance.  "This
   box cranks (or, cranks at) about 6 megaflops, with a burst mode
   of twice that on vectorized operations."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Crankiness....for me it's just as natural as morning
%%
:CrApTeX: /krap'tekh/ [University of York, England] n. Term of
   abuse used to describe TeX and LaTeX when they don't work (when
   used by TeXhackers), or all the time (by everyone else).  The
   non-TeX enthusiasts generally dislike it because it is more verbose
   than other formatters (e.g. {{troff}}) and because (particularly
   if the standard Computer Modern fonts are used) it generates vast
   output files.  See {religious issues}, {{TeX}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:crash: 1. n. A sudden, usually drastic failure.  Most often said
   of the {system} (q.v., sense 1), esp. of magnetic disk drives
   (the term originally described what happened when the air gap of a
   hard disk collapses).  "Three {luser}s lost their files in last
   night's disk crash."  A disk crash that involves the read/write
   heads dropping onto the surface of the disks and scraping off the
   oxide may also be referred to as a `head crash', whereas the term
   `system crash' usually, though not always, implies that the
   operating system or other software was at fault.  2. v. To fail
   suddenly.  "Has the system just crashed?"  "Something crashed
   the OS!" See {down}.  Also used transitively to indicate the
   cause of the crash (usually a person or a program, or both).
   "Those idiots playing {SPACEWAR} crashed the system." 3. vi.
   Sometimes said of people hitting the sack after a long {hacking
   run}; see {gronk out}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:crash and burn: vi.,n. A spectacular crash, in the mode of the
   conclusion of the car-chase scene in the movie "Bullitt" and
   many subsequent imitators (compare {die horribly}).  Sun-3
   monitors losing the flyback transformer and lightning strikes on
   VAX-11/780 backplanes are notable crash and burn generators.  The
   construction `crash-and-burn machine' is reported for a computer
   used exclusively for alpha or {beta} testing, or reproducing
   bugs (i.e., not for development).  The implication is that it
   wouldn't be such a disaster if that machine crashed, since only the
   testers would be inconvenienced.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CRASH: Continue Running After Stop or Halt
%%
Crash Course In Brain Surgery
%%
CRASH: Normal termination.
%%
Crash! P)anic, S)uicide, K)ill bystanders?
%%
Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women
pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
 -- Wernher von Braun
%%
Crash:
What a detached programmer would dearly love to do, for at least eight hours.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Crawfish, Cajuns and beer. Heaven!
%%
:crawling horror: n. Ancient crufty hardware or software that is
   kept obstinately alive by forces beyond the control of the hackers
   at a site.  Like {dusty deck} or {gonkulator}, but connotes
   that the thing described is not just an irritation but an active
   menace to health and sanity.  "Mostly we code new stuff in C, but
   they pay us to maintain one big FORTRAN II application from
   nineteen-sixty-X that's a real crawling horror...."  Compare
   {WOMBAT}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CRAYFISH, n.  A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but
less indigestible.

        In this small fish I take it that human wisdom is admirably
    figured and symbolized; for whereas the crayfish doth move only
    backward, and can have only retrospection, seeing naught but the
    perils already passed, so the wisdom of man doth not enable him to
    avoid the follies that beset his course, but only to apprehend
    their nature afterward.
                                                    Sir James Merivale
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:cray instability: n. A shortcoming of a program or algorithm that
   manifests itself only when a large problem is being run on a
   powerful machine (see {cray}).  Generally more subtle than bugs
   that can be detected in smaller problems running on a workstation
   or mini.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cray: /kray/ n. 1. (properly, capitalized) One of the line of
   supercomputers designed by Cray Research.  2. Any supercomputer at
   all.  3. The {canonical} {number-crunching} machine.

   The term is actually the lowercased last name of Seymour Cray, a
   noted computer architect and co-founder of the company.  Numerous
   vivid legends surround him, some true and some admittedly invented
   by Cray Research brass to shape their corporate culture and image.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:crayola books: n. The {rainbow series} of National Computer
   Security Center (NCSC) computer security standards (see {Orange
   Book}).  Usage: humorous and/or disparaging.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:crayola: /kray-oh'l*/ n. A super-mini or -micro computer that
   provides some reasonable percentage of supercomputer performance
   for an unreasonably low price.  Might also be a {killer micro}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Crayola presents a new color! TARDIS BLUE!!!
%%
:crayon: n. 1. Someone who works on Cray supercomputers.  More
   specifically, it implies a programmer, probably of the CDC ilk,
   probably male, and almost certainly wearing a tie (irrespective of
   gender).  Systems types who have a UNIX background tend not to be
   described as crayons.  2. A {computron} (sense 2) that
   participates only in {number-crunching}.  3. A unit of
   computational power equal to that of a single Cray-1.  There is a
   standard joke about this usage that derives from an old Crayola
   crayon promotional gimmick: When you buy 64 crayons you get a free
   sharpener.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
%%
Crazy=elevator#:DO:elevator#+1:UNTIL almost#=top#-1:LOOP.
%%
Crazy, I'm going' Craaaz
%%
Crazy Monkey Love...
%%
Crazy way to travel.  Spreading a man's molecules all over the universe.
 -- McCoy, "Obsession," 3620.7.
%%
CRB: CRash and Burn
%%
CRD: Confirm Rumor by Denial
%%
 Creamed asparagus!  BEEP
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
Cream rises to the top...so do dead fish.
%%
Created by Female Gynecologists who knew what they were doing.
%%
Create the impression that you have already reached your level of incompetence.
 -- Peter's Rule for Creative Incompetence
%%
Create your own reality: Be a Conservative!
%%
Create your own reality: Be a Liberal!
%%
Creationism: Listening to reason with fingers in ears.
%%
:creationism: n. The (false) belief that large, innovative software
   designs can be completely specified in advance and then painlessly
   magicked out of the void by the normal efforts of a team of
   normally talented programmers.  In fact, experience has shown
   repeatedly that good designs arise only from evolutionary,
   exploratory interaction between one (or at most a small handful of)
   exceptionally able designer(s) and an active user population --
   and that the first try at a big new idea is always wrong.
   Unfortunately, because these truths don't fit the planning models
   beloved of {management}, they are generally ignored.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Creation science" has not entered the curriculum for a reason so simple
and so basic that we often forget to mention it: because it is false,
and because good teachers understand exactly why it is false.  What
could be more destructive of that most fragile yet most precious
commodity in our entire intellectually heritage -- good teaching -- than
a bill forcing honorable teachers to sully their sacred trust by
granting equal treatment to a doctrine not only known to be false, but
calculated to undermine any general understanding of science as an
enterprise?
 -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Skeptical Inquirer", Vol. 12, page 186
%%
Creation sleeps! 'T is as the general pulse
Of life stood still, and Nature made a pause,--
An awful pause! prophetic of her end.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 23
%%
Creative clutter is better than idle neatness..
%%
Creative intelligence in its various forms and activities
is what makes man.
 -- James Harvey Robinson
%%
Creative marketing:  15 doughnut shops next to 4 weight loss clinics...
%%
Creative minds always have been known to survive any kind of bad training.
 -- Anna Freud
%%
Creative people all come in and want their stuff printed on gold leaf.
 -- Jim Shooter
%%
Creative thinking should be viewed as an essential supplement to,
though not a replacement for, critical thinking.
 -- Lloyd P. Provost & R. M. Sprout, Quality Progress [August 1996]
%%
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.  Art is knowing
which ones to keep.
 -- Scott Adams
%%
Creativity is a Spark of Life!
%%
Creativity is essentially a lonely art.  An even lonelier struggle.  To
some a blessing.  To others a curse.  It is in reality the ability to reach
inside yourself and drag forth from your very soul an idea.
 -- Lou Dorfsman
%%
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
%%
Creativity is the art of taking a fresh look at old knowledge.
%%
Creativity is the pinnacle of intelligence.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Creativity is the power to connect the seemingly unconnected.
 -- William Plomer
%%
Creativity is the recombination of the elements of life.
%%
Creativity - Not referencing your sources.
%%
Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks
involved with the broth.
 -- Fitz-Gibbon's Law
%%
CREATIVITY ZONE: NO boredom.  Violaters will be toad.
%%
Creator: A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Creatures kissing in the rain
 Shapeless in the dark again
 In the hanging garden change the past
 In the hanging garden wearing furs and masks
 -- The Cure "The Hanging Garden"
%%
Credentials are not the same thing as accomplishments.
 -- Robert Half
%%
Credit card owner -- Member of the debt set.
%%
Credit is the root of all money.
 -- Jonny Von Z.
%%
Credit managers always collect.
%%
CREDITOR, n.  One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial
Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Creditors have better memories than debtors; and creditors are a
superstitious sect, great observers of set days and times.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
"Credo, quia absurdum est."  [I believe, because it is absurd.]
 -- Tertullian (180?-230?), Roman lawyer, theologian and misogynist;
 -- man of questionable judgement
%%
Credulity is the man's weakness, but the child's strength.
 -- Charles Lamb
%%
:creeping elegance: n. Describes a tendency for parts of a design
   to become {elegant} past the point of diminishing return,
   something which often happens at the expense of the less
   interesting parts of the design, the schedule, and other things
   deemed important in the {Real World}.  See also {creeping
   featurism}, {second-system effect}, {tense}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:creeping featurism: /kree'ping fee'chr-izm/ n. 1. Describes a
   systematic tendency to load more {chrome} and {feature}s onto
   systems at the expense of whatever elegance they may have possessed
   when originally designed.  See also {feeping creaturism}.  "You
   know, the main problem with {BSD} UNIX has always been creeping
   featurism."  2. More generally, the tendency for anything
   complicated to become even more complicated because people keep
   saying "Gee, it would be even better if it had this feature too".
   (See {feature}.)  The result is usually a patchwork because it
   grew one ad-hoc step at a time, rather than being planned.
   Planning is a lot of work, but it's easy to add just one extra
   little feature to help someone ... and then another ... and
   another.... When creeping featurism gets out of hand, it's
   like a cancer.  Usually this term is used to describe computer
   programs, but it could also be said of the federal government, the
   IRS 1040 form, and new cars.  A similar phenomenon sometimes
   afflicts conscious redesigns; see {second-system effect}.  See
   also {creeping elegance}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:creeping featuritis: /kree'ping fee'-chr-i:`t*s/ n. Variant of
   {creeping featurism}, with its own spoonerization: `feeping
   creaturitis'.  Some people like to reserve this form for the
   disease as it actually manifests in software or hardware, as
   opposed to the lurking general tendency in designers' minds.
   (After all, -ism means `condition' or `pursuit of', whereas
 -- itis usually means `inflammation of'.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:creep: v. To advance, grow, or multiply inexorably.  In hackish usage
   this verb has overtones of menace and silliness, evoking the
   creeping horrors of low-budget monster movies.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cremation Place: You Bang 'Em, We Flame 'Em!
%%
CREMONA, n.  A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Creole Kitty Kill
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
:cretin: /kret'in/ or /kree'tn/ n. Congenital {loser}; an obnoxious
   person; someone who can't do anything right.  It has been observed
   that many American hackers tend to favor the British pronunciation
   /kret'in/ over standard American /kree'tn/; it is thought this may
   be due to the insidious phonetic influence of Monty Python's Flying
   Circus.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cretinous: /kret'n-*s/ or /kreet'n-*s/ adj. Wrong; stupid;
   non-functional; very poorly designed.  Also used pejoratively of
   people.  See {dread high-bit disease} for an example.
   Approximate synonyms: {bletcherous}, {bagbiting} {losing},
   {brain-damaged}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Crewman Green, step on that rock  <BOOM>
%%
Crew member is called by 1st name - drink!
%%
Crew member is called by 1st name during sexual tension - 2 drinks!
%%
Crickets hear through their knees. 
%%
Crikey, I'm looking forward to today. Up-tiddly-up-up, down-diddly-
  down-down, whoops-poop-twiddly dee, a decent scrap with the
  fiendish Red Baron, a bit of a jolly old crash landing behind
  enemy lines, capture, torture, escape, and then back home in time
  for tea and medals!
...George, who's using the family brain cell at the moment?
 -- George and Edmund : Private Plane
%%
CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART!
%%
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
 -- Alfred E. Newman
%%
Crime does not pay, which places it in approximately the same wage catagory
 as virtue.
%%
Crime doesn't pay, but at least you're your own boss
%%
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
%%
Crime frequently starts in the Mayors Office...
%%
Crime frequently starts with liberal Democrats.
%%
Crime is merely politics without the excuses.
%%
Crime is slowing in the Washington D.C. area. They are running out of
 victims.
%%
Crime must pay, or politicians wouldn't seek re-election.
%%
CRIME STOPPERS:  WANTED
James Wanton, 17 years old, 175 centimetres tall, wanted for not making
his bed this morning, leaving an assortment of unwashed dishes in his
bedroom, leaving his socks and underpants on the floor, and generally
treating the place like a hotel.  If you know his whereabouts, you may
be eligible for a reward of up to $1000 while remaining anonymous. Ring
Crime Stoppers on 865-5000.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Crime wouldn't pay if it was operated by the government!
%%
"Criminal Lawyer" is an oxymoron.
%%
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
%%
Criminal lawyer.  Isn't that redundant?
%%
Criminal: One who gets caught.
%%
Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot.
%%
Criminals love gun control. It makes their job easier.
%%
Cripes, Saddam, I thought you said SHORT oil!
%%
:crippleware: n. 1. Software that has some important functionality
   deliberately removed, so as to entice potential users to pay for a
   working version.  2. [Cambridge] {Guiltware} that exhorts you to
   donate to some charity (compare {careware}, {nagware}).
   3. Hardware deliberately crippled, which can be upgraded to a more
   expensive model by a trivial change (e.g., cutting a jumper).

   An excellent example of crippleware (sense 3) is Intel's 486SX
   chip, which is a standard 486DX chip with the co-processor dyked
   out (in some early versions it was present but disabled).  To
   upgrade, you buy a complete 486DX chip with *working*
   co-processor (its identity thinly veiled by a different pinout) and
   plug it into the board's expansion socket.  It then disables the
   SX, which becomes a fancy power sink.  Don't you love Intel?
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CRIPPLEWARE:  Paya da fee, or wes breaka ya legs!
%%
Crisis management works beautifully until an actual crisis occurs.
%%
Crispy outside, tender inside.
%%
Critical error: (S)hout, (S)mash, (B)uy a mac.
%%
:critical mass: n. In physics, the minimum amount of fissionable
   material required to sustain a chain reaction.  Of a software
   product, describes a condition of the software such that fixing one
   bug introduces one plus {epsilon} bugs.  (This malady has many
   causes: {creeping featurism}, ports to too many disparate
   environments, poor initial design, etc.)  When software achieves
   critical mass, it can never be fixed; it can only be discarded and
   rewritten.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
%%
Criticism is like champagne, nothing more execrable if bad, nothing more
excellent if good; if meager, muddy vapid, and sour, both are fit only to
engender colic and wind; but if rich, generous and sparkling, they improve the
taste, expand the heart, and are worthy of being introduced at the symposium
of the gods.
 -- Colton
%%
Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Criticism strips the tree of both caterpillars and blossoms.
%%
Criticize feminism in law journals, risk label of anti-woman.
%%
Criticizing lawyers for lawsuits is like criticizing linebackers for
knocking people down.
 -- Dale Dauten, Newspaper columnist
%%
CRITIC, n.  A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody
tries to please him.

    There is a land of pure delight,
        Beyond the Jordan's flood,
    Where saints, apparelled all in white,
        Fling back the critic's mud.

    And as he legs it through the skies,
        His pelt a sable hue,
    He sorrows sore to recognize
        The missiles that he threw.
                                                            Orrin Goof
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Critics are a kind of freebooters in the republic of letters, who, like deer,
goats, and divers other gramniverous animals, gain subsistence by gorging
upon buds and leaves of the young shrubs of the forest, thereby robbing them
of their verdue, and retarding their progress to maturity.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done,
they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves."
 -- Brendan Behan
%%
Critics of utopia unite.  You have nothing to lose but illusions.
 -- E.J. Dionne
%%
Critics quarrel with other critics. With an artist, no sane man quarrels.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?
 -- Socrates' last words
%%
:crlf: /ker'l*f/, sometimes /kru'l*f/ or /C-R-L-F/ n. (often
   capitalized as `CRLF') A carriage return (CR, ASCII 0001101)
   followed by a line feed (LF, ASCII 0001010).  More loosely,
   whatever it takes to get you from the end of one line of text to
   the beginning of the next line.  See {newline}, {terpri}.
   Under {{UNIX}} influence this usage has become less common (UNIX
   uses a bare line feed as its `CRLF').
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CRM: Clear Random Memory
%%
CRM: CReate Memory
%%
CRN: Compare with Random Number
%%
CRN: Convert to Roman Numerals
%%
:crock: [from the American scatologism `crock of shit'] n. 1. An
   awkward feature or programming technique that ought to be made
   cleaner.  For example, using small integers to represent error
   codes without the program interpreting them to the user (as in, for
   example, UNIX `make(1)', which returns code 139 for a process
   that dies due to {segfault}).  2. A technique that works
   acceptably, but which is quite prone to failure if disturbed in the
   least.  For example, a too-clever programmer might write an
   assembler which mapped instruction mnemonics to numeric opcodes
   algorithmically, a trick which depends far too intimately on the
   particular bit patterns of the opcodes.  (For another example of
   programming with a dependence on actual opcode values, see {The
   Story of Mel, a Real Programmer} in {Appendix A}.)  Many crocks
   have a tightly woven, almost completely unmodifiable structure.
   See {kluge}, {brittle}.  The adjectives `crockish' and
   `crocky', and the nouns `crockishness' and `crockitude', are
   also used.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Crocodile Dundee: Ali Gator.
%%
Cronenberg's remake of "The Fly," rated "G" for "Gross-out."
%%
CRONE:  Who sent you?
ARTHUR: The Knights Who Say Ni!
CRONE:  Aaaagh!  (she looks around in rear) No!  We have no shrubberies here.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
CROQUET
  A game in which wooden balls are driven by means of long-handled
  mallets, through a series of hoops. Christ, how boring can you get.
  They ought to pep it up a bit. At the very least, a net. Or maybe a
  bit of hitting your opponents over the head with the mallets. Or
  perhaps rolling grannies across the lawn in wheelchairs carrying
  high-explosives to see if they can collide...
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Crosis of Borg - Smurf, hit on head with mallet, death is immediate.
%%
Crosscountry runners do it in open fields.
%%
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
cross derivatives? angry derivatives!...perturbed...
%%
Cross-examination is like prospecting. When you hit a vein that looks
    promising, you dig until you strike gold.
 -- Perry Mason
%%
Crossing Rivers - By Bridget Fast
%%
Cross Lassie with cantaloupe and get a meloncollie baby.
%%
Cross over to Cats.
%%
Cross-posted from alt.rush-limbaugh.dork.dork.dork
%%
Crossposted from alt.tanya.tag.tag.tag to alt.tonya.club.club.club
%%
Crossposting isn't inherently evil, in the same sense that necrophilia
doesn't really hurt anybody.  One wonders only whether it's
appropriate to the occasion.
 -- Rick Gordon
%%
:cross-post: [USENET] vi. To post a single article simultaneously to
   several newsgroups.  Distinguished from posting the article
   repeatedly, once to each newsgroup, which causes people to see it
   multiple times (which is very bad form).  Gratuitous cross-posting
   without a Followup-To line directing responses to a single followup
   group is frowned upon, as it tends to cause {followup} articles
   to go to inappropriate newsgroups when people respond to only one
   part of the original posting.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cross-referencing your code is screaming "Jesus Christ!" as it crashes
%%
Cross-word players do it crossly.
%%
Cross-word players do it horizontally and vertically.
%%
"Cross you heart, hope to die,
Stick a needle in your eye,
Jam a dagger in your thigh,
Eat a horse manure pie!"
 -- Bart, from The Simpsons
%%
Crown Prince of the Crown Royal
%%
Crows have the largest cerebral hemispheres, relative to body size,
of any avian family. 
%%
Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.
 -- Madonna
%%
Crude classifications and false generalizations are the curse of organized
life.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
:crudware: /kruhd'weir/ n. Pejorative term for the hundreds of
   megabytes of low-quality {freeware} circulated by user's groups
   and BBS systems in the micro-hobbyist world.  "Yet *another*
   set of disk catalog utilities for {{MS-DOS}}?  What crudware!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cruel as death, and hungry as the grave.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Winter, Line 393
%%
:cruft: /kruhft/ [back-formation from {crufty}] 1. n. An
   unpleasant substance.  The dust that gathers under your bed is
   cruft; the TMRC Dictionary correctly noted that attacking it with a
   broom only produces more.  2. n. The results of shoddy
   construction.  3. vt. [from `hand cruft', pun on `hand craft']
   To write assembler code for something normally (and better) done by
   a compiler (see {hand-hacking}).  4. n. Excess; superfluous
   junk; used esp. of redundant or superseded code.

   This term is one of the oldest in the jargon and no one is sure of
   its etymology, but it is suggestive that there is a Cruft Hall at
   Harvard University which is part of the old physics building; it's
   said to have been the physics department's radar lab during WWII.
   To this day (early 1993) the windows appear to be full of random
   techno-junk.  MIT or Lincoln Labs people may well have coined the
   term as a knock on the competition.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cruftsmanship: /kruhfts'm*n-ship / n. [from {cruft}] The
   antithesis of craftsmanship.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cruft together: vt. (also `cruft up') To throw together
   something ugly but temporarily workable.  Like vt. {kluge up},
   but more pejorative.  "There isn't any program now to reverse all
   the lines of a file, but I can probably cruft one together in about
   10 minutes."  See {hack together}, {hack up}, {kluge up},
   {crufty}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:crufty: /kruhf'tee/ [origin unknown; poss. from `crusty']
   adj. 1. Poorly built, possibly over-complex.  The {canonical}
   example is "This is standard old crufty {DEC} software".  In fact,
   one fanciful theory of the origin of `crufty' holds that was
   originally a mutation of `crusty' applied to DEC software so old
   that the `s' characters were tall and skinny, looking more like
   `f' characters.  2. Unpleasant, especially to the touch, often with
   encrusted junk.  Like spilled coffee smeared with peanut butter and
   catsup.  3. Generally unpleasant.  4. (sometimes spelled
   `cruftie') n. A small crufty object (see {frob}); often one
   that doesn't fit well into the scheme of things.  "A LISP property
   list is a good place to store crufties (or, collectively,
   {random} cruft)."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cruisin' @ 899,942,400,000 furlongs / fortnight
%%
CRUISING: 19200bps modem and 0.5bps fingers!
%%
:crumb: n. Two binary digits; a {quad}.  Larger than a {bit},
   smaller than a {nybble}.  Considered silly.  Syn. {tayste}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:crunch: 1. vi. To process, usually in a time-consuming or
   complicated way.  Connotes an essentially trivial operation that is
   nonetheless painful to perform.  The pain may be due to the
   triviality's being embedded in a loop from 1 to 1,000,000,000.
   "FORTRAN programs do mostly {number-crunching}."  2. vt. To
   reduce the size of a file by a complicated scheme that produces bit
   configurations completely unrelated to the original data, such as
   by a Huffman code.  (The file ends up looking something like a
   paper document would if somebody crunched the paper into a wad.)
   Since such compression usually takes more computations than simpler
   methods such as run-length encoding, the term is doubly
   appropriate.  (This meaning is usually used in the construction
   `file crunch(ing)' to distinguish it from {number-crunching}.)
   See {compress}.  3. n. The character `#'.  Used at XEROX
   and CMU, among other places.  See {{ASCII}}.  4. vt. To squeeze
   program source into a minimum-size representation that will still
   compile or execute.  The term came into being specifically for a
   famous program on the BBC micro that crunched BASIC source in order
   to make it run more quickly (it was a wholly interpretive BASIC, so
   the number of characters mattered).  {Obfuscated C Contest}
   entries are often crunched; see the first example under that
   entry.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cruncha cruncha cruncha: /kruhn'ch* kruhn'ch* kruhn'ch*/ interj.
   An encouragement sometimes muttered to a machine bogged down in a
   serious {grovel}.  Also describes a notional sound made by
   groveling hardware.  See {wugga wugga}, {grind} (sense 3).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CRUNCH!  "What're you doing, Worf!?"  "Studying Data-Compression!"
%%
Crusher: Worf, have you seen Wesley?   Worf: No, I haven't
%%
Crush the infamous thing.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Letter to d'Alembert, June 23, 1760
%%
Crusing for chicks on the information superhighway...
%%
Crusoe got everything done by Friday. Can you?
%%
crust, sauce, toppings, cheese.
 -- The Four Food Groups
%%
Cry Cheeble! and let loose the hamsters of war!
%%
Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Crying:  strengthens immune system by cleansing impurities
%%
CRYONICISTS stay stiff longer
%%
Cryonics: many are culled, few are frozen!
%%
:cryppie: /krip'ee/ n. A cryptographer.  One who hacks or implements
   cryptographic software or hardware.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Crypt disclaimer: Sorry Holmes, finger slipped!
%%
Cryptographers do it secretly.
%%
Cryptotechnophobia:
 The secret belief that technology is more of a menace than a
boon.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
CRYPT   reCuRsive encrYPt Tape mnemonic [UNIX]
%%
Cry SQUEEK and let loose the four ferrets of the apocalypse.
%%
CS111 students do it in binary.
%%
CS111 students do it with interspersed comments.
%%
CS111 students do it with ORGs.
%%
CS: Crash System
%%
C:
 Short for "chutzpah", a quality needed before tacling even the more
 simplest program with this language. C is also the symbol for the
 speed of light, but that has absolutely nothing to do with how quickly
 one can learn or use the language. C encourages self-documenting
 structured programming through construct such as

 (*wnd->func)(*++addr)

 which means call the routine whose address is stored in the "func"
 part of the structure pointed to by "wnd", and pass to it the contents
 of the cell pointed to by the pointer in "addr" after it (the pointer,
 not the contents) has been incremented. Or something like that.
%%
"C++" should have been called "D"
%%
C sick and sh shocked
%%
CSL: Curse and Swear Loudly
%%
CSN: Call Supervisor Names
%%
CSNIO: Crash System on Next I/O
%%
CSS: Crash Subsidiary Systems
%%
CSU     Call Self Unconditional [ultimate recursive programming]
%%
CTDMR: Change Tape Density, Mid Record
%%
C++ -- The language in which only friends can access your private members.
%%
Cthulhu 93: A Thousand Points of Fright!
%%
Cthulhu '96! Vote for The Old Party, and they'll *END ALL* problems.
%%
Cthulhu and Hastur and Nyarlathotep, Oh my!
%%
Cthulhu attended the Olympics.  He likes fast food!
%%
Cthulhu awakens in 24 hours. Have a nice day.
%%
Cthulhu calls, and orders a large pizza with anchovies...
%%
Cthulhu calls his shots.
%%
Cthulhu Calls -- using ClearTel.
%%
Cthulhu Calls -- using ITI.
%%
Cthulhu Calls -- using MCI.
%%
Cthulhu: Classic American Gothic Horror from the 1920-30's...
%%
Cthulhu Cthucklth!
%%
Cthulhu Cthucks.
%%
Cthulhu cthucks!  But does he cthwallow?
%%
Cthulhu c'thucks! _Our_ Moderator SAVED this Conference!
%%
Cthulhu does it R'lyeh-ably (reliably? ;).
%%
Cthulhu eh?  If he's so powerful why is he so ugly?
%%
Cthulhu Express   When it absolutely, positively has to
be turned into an eldritch crawling horror in eons
%%
Cthulhu for President: Why not vote for the Ultimate Evil?
%%
Cthulhu: for when only the Darkedness would Do...
%%
Cthulhu fthagn! Cthulhu fthagn! Cthulhu fthagn! Oh, wow, that really ...
%%
Cthulhu/Ghatanothoa in 96!  Screw the environment!
%%
Cthulhu in '96 - THE STARS ARE RIGHT!
%%
Cthulhu is a H.P. Lovecraft Thing...
%%
Cthulhu is a pawn of Barney!
%%
Cthulhu is Horror from Beyond the Before...
%%
Cthulhu is no damned g *!%$#!@ NO CARRIER
%%
Cthulhu isn't really his name, he just has a speech impediment.
%%
Cthulhu: it's the surreal thing.
%%
Cthulhu lives--in MY refrigerator
%%
Cthulhu loves me, this I know; the Necronomicon told me so.
%%
Cthulhu loves the little children of the world.
%%
Cthulhu loves you ... Deep fried in your own juices.
%%
Cthulhu loves you ... On a Ritz cracker with Swiss Cheese!
%%
Cthulhu loves you ... On a sesame bun.
%%
Cthulhu loves you ... With an apple in your mouth.
%%
Cthulhu loves you ... With a tossed salad and white wine.
%%
Cthulhu loves you ... With ketchup on a bun.
%%
Cthulhu now co-moderates this conference...
%%
Cthulhu Said It, I believe It, And That Settles It.
%%
Cthulhu Saves! - Campus Crusade for Cthulhu.
%%
Cthulhu saves our souls and redeems them for valuable coupons later.
%%
Cthulhu saves... passes to Hastur... the crowd goes mad!
%%
Cthulhu saves sinners ... In case he's hungry later.
%%
Cthulhu Saves ... The bones, that is.
%%
Cthulhu's just a fish out of water.
%%
Cthulhu sleeps at R'lyeh, but It vacations in Cascadia.
%%
Cthulhu Wrangler: Marlon Perkins.
%%
Cthulhu! You've been SPOKEN to about biting the readers!
%%
Cthuloops!
%%
Ctrl-Alt-Del : See problem solving -- A book on MS-DOS.
%%
:CTSS: /C-T-S-S/ n. Compatible Time-Sharing System.  An early
   (1963) experiment in the design of interactive time-sharing
   operating systems, ancestral to {{Multics}}, {{UNIX}}, and
   {{ITS}}.  The name {{ITS}} (Incompatible Time-sharing System)
   was a hack on CTSS, meant both as a joke and to express some basic
   differences in philosophy about the way I/O services should be
   presented to user programs.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CTT: Call Time and Temperature
%%
:CTY: /sit'ee/ or /C-T-Y/ n. [MIT] The terminal physically
   associated with a computer's system {{console}}.  The term is a
   contraction of `Console {tty}', that is, `Console TeleTYpe'.
   This {{ITS}}- and {{TOPS-10}}-associated term has become less
   common, as most UNIX hackers simply refer to the CTY as `the
   console'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cuando sabes a donde vas, el mundo
entero se aparta para abrirte paso.
%%
:cube: n. 1. [short for `cubicle'] A module in the open-plan
   offices used at many programming shops.  "I've got the manuals in
   my cube."  2. A NeXT machine (which resembles a matte-black cube).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cubing: [parallel with `tubing'] vi. 1. Hacking on an IPSC (Intel
   Personal SuperComputer) hypercube.  "Louella's gone cubing
   *again*!!"  2. Hacking Rubik's Cube or related puzzles,
   either physically or mathematically.  3. An indescribable form of
   self-torture (see sense 1 or 2).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CUC: Cheat Until Caught
%%
Cuckoos do it by proxy.
%%
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
Cucumbers don't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
Cucumbers get more pickled than brine gets
cucumbered.
 -- Prescott's pickle principle
%%
Cucumbers have fewer calories.
 -- Cucumbers are Better
%%
Cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and
 then thrown out, as good for nothing.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
Cucumbers won't give you a hangover.
 -- Cucumbers are Better
%%
Cudgel thy brains no more about it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
CUESLIX - Pool players favorite cereal
%%
CUI BONO?  [Latin]  What good would that do _me_?
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cuisine is something like food but the portions are smaller and the prices are
 higher.  If you happen to have French cuisine then the waiter will insult you
 as you are served.
%%
C U L8TR
%%
Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.
 -- Robert Altman
%%
Cultivate philosophy and run like hell.
%%
Cultivate vices when you are young,
and when you are old they will not forsake you.
%%
Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body.
 -- Cicero
%%
Cult of Aloneness:
 The need for autonomy at all costs, usually at the expense of
long'term relationships. Often brought about by overly high
expectations of others.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Culture is the arts elevated to a set of beliefs.
 -- Tom Wolfe
%%
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
%%
Culture: What your butcher would have if he were a surgeon.
 -- Mary Pettibone Poole
%%
Cum deliramus,
ea numina significamus.
Profuit ignaris.
%%
Cum on feel the NOIZE!
 -- Twisted Sister
%%
(cum = with or by. deliramus = we go crazy, we run riot. ea numina = the
gods' will. significamus = we signify, denote, become, announce. It is
when we run riot that we signify the gods. Or By running riot, we do the
will of the gods. Or It is when we run riot that we announce the will of
the gods. Or By going crazy, we signify the will of the gods.) Profuit
ignaris, 12th century poem of sexual invitation written by a churchman
to some young women who are behind the walls of a cloister. The speaker
turns his simple request into an elaborate argument considering the
purposes of love as the guiding principle of nature and the cosmos. --
 -- Leonard Barkan,
 -- THE GODS MADE FLESH: METAMORPHOSIS AND THE PURSUIT OF PAGANISM
%%
Cunnilinguist - one who speaks four languages.
%%
Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister!
%%
Cunning and deceit will every time serve a man better than force.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Cunning and treachery are the offspring of incapacity.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
CUNNING, n.  The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person
from a strong one.  It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction
and great material adversity.  An Italian proverb says:  "The furrier
gets the skins of more foxes than asses."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
  |
-@_@-     Cunning Pike Having Seen Nuclear Sub
%%
   |
- -_- -  Cunning Pike Sleeping
%%
Cupid and my Campaspe play'd
At cards for kisses: Cupid paid.
He stakes his quiver, bow, and arrows,
His mother's doves, and team of sparrows:
Loses them too. Then down he throws
The coral of his lip, the rose
Growing on 's cheek (but none knows how);
With these, the crystal of his brow,
And then the dimple on his chin:
All these did my Campaspe win.
At last he set her both his eyes:
She won, and Cupid blind did rise.
  O Love! has she done this to thee?
  What shall, alas! become of me?
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Cupid and Campaspe, Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
CUPID, n.  The so-called god of love.  This bastard creation of a
barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of
its deities.  Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is
the most reasonless and offensive.  The notion of symbolizing sexual
love by a semisexless babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the
wounds of an arrow -- of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art
grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work --
this is eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on
the doorstep of prosperity.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cupid's arrow kills Vulcans.
%%
Cuprum: moonshine.
%%
Cured ham? No, thanks, pal. Cured of what? What if it has a relapse on my
 plate?
 -- Tommy Sledge
%%
Cure for baldness: Put on your hat!
%%
Cures For Impotence - By Hugh G. Rection
%%
Cure the disease and kill the patient.
%%
Curioser and curioser!
%%
Curiosity didn't kill the cat, I got him with the mower!
%%
Curiosity didn't kill the cat, it was my hammer!
%%
Curiosity didn't kill the cat... my car did!!
%%
Curiosity in the humanities is a free person's humility, and a humble
person's freedom.
 -- Joseph Duffy
%%
Curiosity is the headlight that keeps us from losin' our way.
 -- Elvis
%%
Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell
me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only the cat died nobly.
 -- Arnold Edinborough
%%
Curiosity is unbecoming in a Kajira!
%%
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back.
%%
Curiosity killed the cat. Where can I find Curiosity?
%%
Curiosity kills more mice than cats.
%%
Curiosity may kill the cat, but a 12 gauge is quicker!
%%
CURIOSITY, n.  An objectionable quality of the female mind.  The
desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one
of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Curiosity: The reason why most of us haven't committed
suicide long ago.
%%
Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.
 -- James Stephens
%%
Curiouser and curiouser!
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Curious: Leans over to look at neighbor's equipment. Pisses in
neighbor's pocket.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
Currency
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
Currently, a marriage is considered successful if it lasts long enough for
 the exchange of all the duplicates received during the wedding as gifts.
%%
Current Protocol: None Selected
%%
Curse all his virtues! they 've undone his country.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
Curse away!
And let me tell thee, Beausant, a wise proverb
The Arabs have,--"Curses are like young chickens,
And still come home to roost."
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- The Lady of Lyons, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Cursed be he that moves my bones.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Shakespeare's Epitaph
%%
Cursed be the verse, how well so e'er it flow,
That tends to make one worthy man my foe.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 283
%%
Cursed is every-one who places his hope in man.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
Curse his better angel from his side,
And fall to reprobation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Curse: May your grandchildren be born in _____________.<--(name city)
%%
Curse on all laws but those which love has made!
Love, free as air at sight of human ties,
Spreads his light wings, and in a moment flies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Line 74
%%
Curses - foiled again.
That was a promotional announcement on behalf of Comalco.
%%
Curses! Hayes-ed again!!
%%
curses! may you be forced to grep the termcap of an unclean yacc while a herd
of wild rogue emacs fsck your troff and vgrind your pathalias!
%%
"Curse these personal computers!" cried the novice in anger, "To make them do
anything I must use three or even four editing programs.  This is truly
intolerable!"
The master programmer stared at the novice.  "And what would you do to remedy
this state of affairs?" he asked.
The novice thought for a moment.  "I will design a new editing program," he
said, "a program that will replace all these others."
Suddenly the master struck the novice on the side of his head.
"What did you do that for?" exclaimed the surprised novice.
"I have no wish to learn another editing program," said the master.
And suddenly the novice was enlightened.
 -- The Zen of Programming
%%
CURSE, v.t.  Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick.  This
is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is
commonly fatal to the victim.  Nevertheless, the liability to a
cursing is a risk that cuts but a small figure in fixing the rates of
life insurance.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"Curse you, Inspector Dim. You are too clever for us naughty people."
 -- Monty Python's Dim! (DIM of the YARD!)
%%
cursor address, n:
    Hello, cursor!
 -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, The Devil's DP Dictionary
%%
Cursor:  An expert in four-letter words...
%%
:cursor dipped in X: n. There are a couple of metaphors in English
   of the form `pen dipped in X' (perhaps the most common values of X
   are `acid', `bile', and `vitriol').  These map over neatly to this
   hackish usage (the cursor being what moves, leaving letters behind,
   when one is composing on-line).  "Talk about a {nastygram}!  He
   must've had his cursor dipped in acid when he wrote that one!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cursor's flashing but there's no response.
%%
Cursor - small blob on the screen, usually flashing.
%%
Cursor:  What you become when your system crashes.
%%
Cursor: What you turn into when you can't get your
 computer to perform as in "You $#$%c% computer!"
%%
Curtsey while you're thinking what to say.  It saves time.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
Curzon's dead. I'm Jadzia Dax now.
%%
:cuspy: /kuhs'pee/ [WPI: from the {DEC} abbreviation CUSP, for `Commonly
   Used System Program', i.e., a utility program used by many people]
   adj. 1. (of a program) Well-written.  2. Functionally excellent.  A
   program that performs well and interfaces well to users is cuspy.
   See {rude}.  3. [NYU] Said of an attractive woman, especially one
   regarded as available.  Implies a certain curvaceousness.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CUSTARD
  Custard is a warm, gooey yellowish substance commonly swallowed
  orally. The great Custic Civilisations of the upper Amazon are
  commonly credited with the invention and implementation of the
  first truly gooey custards. They had perfected hot gooey custard
  for use as a sexual therapy as early as 200BC, and the telling of
  such stories in iconic form have often been accredited with the
  shortage of bananas in that particular region. [See also: Toxic]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Custer was fitted for an Arrow shirt.
%%
Custom does often reason overrule and only serves for reason to the fool.
 -- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
%%
Customer
 a primitive life form at the bottom of the food chain
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
      Customer :- I'd like to get a mouse pad for my Macintosh.
Shop Assistant :- Yeh, that sounds like a fair deal.
%%
Customer in a hurry at a garage: Don't bother with the
petrol, just give me the stamps.
%%
CUSTOMER:     Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes?  He won't be
              long.
MORTICIAN:    Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson's -- they've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER:     Well, when is your next round?
MORTICIAN:    Thursday.
DEAD PERSON:  I think I'll go for a walk.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
CUSTOMER:     You're not fooling anyone y'know.  Look, isn't there something
              you can do?
DEAD PERSON:  I feel happy... I feel happy.
    [whop]
CUSTOMER:     Ah, thanks very much.
MORTICIAN:    Not at all.  See you on Thursday.
CUSTOMER:     Right.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Custom hath made it in him a property of easiness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Custom is almost a second nature.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Rules for the Preservation of Health, 18
%%
Custom is the law of fools.
 -- Vanburgh
%%
Custom reconciles us to everything.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- On the Sublime and Beautiful, Sect. xviii, Vol. i, p. 231
%%
Customs tell a man who he is, where he belongs, what he must do.
Better illogical customs than none; men cannot live together without
them. "Justice" is a search for workable customs.
 -- Dr. Margaret Mader
%%
Custom will often blind one to the good as well as to the evil effects
of any long established system.
 -- Bishop Richard Whately
%%
Cut and come again.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- Tales, Tale vii, The Widow's Tale
%%
:cut a tape: vi. To write a software or document distribution on
   magnetic tape for shipment.  Has nothing to do with physically
   cutting the medium!  Early versions of this lexicon claimed that
   one never analogously speaks of `cutting a disk', but this has
   since been reported as live usage.  Related slang usages are
   mainstream business's `cut a check', the recording industry's
   `cut a record', and the military's `cut an order'.

   All of these usages reflect physical processes in obsolete
   recording and duplication technologies.  The first stage in
   manufacturing an old-style vinyl record involved cutting grooves in
   a stamping die with a precision lathe.  More mundanely, the
   dominant technology for mass duplication of paper documents in
   pre-photocopying days involved "cutting a stencil", punching away
   portions of the wax overlay on a silk screen.  More directly,
   paper tape with holes punched in it was an important early storage
   medium.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cute and definitely huggable.....right!
%%
Cute and interesting are two different things.
%%
Cut 'em off at the past!
%%
Cute rots the intellect.
 -- Garfield
%%
--------------------- cut here --------------------------
%%
Cut is the branch that might have grown full straight,
And burned is Apollo's laurel bough,
That sometime grew within this learned man.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- Faustus
%%
Cut it large and kick it into place.
 -- The Basic Law of Construction
%%
Cut life support to all quarters with children
 -- Picard
%%
Cut me young, cut me deep!
%%
Cut my cote after my cloth.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. viii
%%
Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath.
 -- Nirvana.
%%
Cut off even in the blossoms of my sin,
Unhousell'd, disappointed, unaneled,
No reckoning made, but sent to my account
With all my imperfections on my head.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Cut, Paste, Color, Delete...
%%
Cuts of Mutts
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Cut the cards, varmint.  OOH! That ain't whut ah meant!
%%
Cut the conversation, just open your mouth.
%%
Cut the Grass!: Moses Lawn
%%
Cutting remarks don't cut any ice.
%%
Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.   It
eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation.
 -- Johnny Hart
%%
Cut to fit;  beat into place.
 -- Carpenter's Rule
%%
Cut yourself a slice of throat.
 -- Curly Howard
%%
Cuz we're two of a kind, working on a full house.
%%
CVFL: ConVert Floating to Logical
%%
CVFP: ConVert Fortran to Pascal
%%
CVG: ConVert to Garbage
%%
CVU: ConVert to Unary
%%
CWAH: Create Woman And Hold
%%
CWB: Carry With Borrow
%%
CWDC: Cut Wires and Drop Core
%%
CWG: Chase Wild Goose
%%
CWGK: Compare Watt to Genghis Khan
%%
C:\WHATTHEHELLYOULOOKINGAT\STUPID>
%%
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\COMPUTER\CRAWL
%%
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\CRASH  C:\COMPUTER\FRY
%%
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\RUN\CRASH
%%
C:\WINDOWS\RUN  C:\WINDOWS\CRASH  C:\COMPUTER\FRY
%%
CWIT: Compare Watt to Ivan the Terrible
%%
CWM: Compare Watt to Mussolini
%%
Cwm fjord-bank glyphs vext quiz.
%%
C&W music backward: get yer dog, wife, job, truck, kids, n'sobriety back
%%
CWOM: Complement Write-Only Memory
%%
:cybercrud: /si:'ber-kruhd/ n. 1. [coined by Ted Nelson]
   Obfuscatory tech-talk.  Verbiage with a high {MEGO} factor.  The
   computer equivalent of bureaucratese.  2. Incomprehensible stuff
   embedded in email.  First there were the "Received" headers that
   show how mail flows through systems, then MIME (Multi-purpose
   Internet Mail Extensions) headers and part boundaries, and now huge
   blocks of hex for PEM (Privacy Enhanced Mail) or PGP (Pretty Good
   Privacy) digital signatures and certificates of authenticity.  This
   stuff all services a purpose and good user interfaces should hide
   it, but all too often users are forced to wade through it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cyberdine Systems, by which others will be judged.
%%
Cyber-Dog food: Kibbles and Bytes, Kibbles and Bytes
%%
Cyber Linguist Extraordinaire
%%
Cyberpuck:  the dark future of hockey.
%%
:Cyberpunk: Outlaws and Hackers on the Computer Frontier:
Katie Hafner & John Markoff
Simon & Schuster 1991
ISBN 0-671-68322-5

This book gathers narratives about the careers of three notorious
crackers into a clear-eyed but sympathetic portrait of hackerdom's dark
side.  The principals are Kevin Mitnick, "Pengo" and "Hagbard" of the
Chaos Computer Club, and Robert T. Morris (see {RTM}, sense 2) .
Markoff and Hafner focus as much on their psychologies and motivations
as on the details of their exploits, but don't slight the latter.  The
result is a balanced and fascinating account, particularly useful when
read immediately before or after Cliff Stoll's {The Cuckoo's Egg}.  It
is especially instructive to compare RTM, a true hacker who blundered,
with the sociopathic phone-freak Mitnick and the alienated, drug-addled
crackers who made the Chaos Club notorious.  The gulf between {wizard}
and {wannabee} has seldom been made more obvious.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Cyberpunk (si'-ber-punk) n. - a computer with an attitude.
%%
...cyberpunk wants to see the mind as mechanistic & duplicable,
challenging basic assumptions about the nature of individuality & self.
That seems all the better reason to assume that cyberpunk art & music is
essentially mindless garbagio. Willy certainly addressed this idea in
Count Zero, with Katatonenkunst, the automatic box-maker and the girl's
observation that the real art was the building of the machine itself,
rather than its output.
 -- Eliot Handelman
%%
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------+
|               Cyber Rights Now:  Accept No Compromise.                |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------+
%%
`Cyberspace. A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of
legitimate operators, in every nation, by children being taught mathematical
concepts ... A graphic representation of data abstracted from the banks of
every computer in the human system. Unthinkable complexity. Lines of light
ranged in the nonspace of the mind, clusters and constellations of data.
Like city lights, receding...'
 -- William Gibson "Neuromancer"
%%
CyberSpace Forever!
%%
Cyberspace is where you are when you're on the telephone.
%%
:cyberspace: /si:'ber-spays/ n. 1. Notional `information-space'
   loaded with visual cues and navigable with brain-computer
   interfaces called `cyberspace decks'; a characteristic prop of
   {cyberpunk} SF.  At the time of this writing (mid-1991),
   serious efforts to construct {virtual reality} interfaces
   modeled explicitly on Gibsonian cyberspace are already under way,
   using more conventional devices such as glove sensors and binocular
   TV headsets.  Few hackers are prepared to deny outright the
   possibility of a cyberspace someday evolving out of the network
   (see {network, the}).  2. Occasionally, the metaphoric location
   of the mind of a person in {hack mode}.  Some hackers report
   experiencing strong eidetic imagery when in hack mode;
   interestingly, independent reports from multiple sources suggest
   that there are common features to the experience.  In particular,
   the dominant colors of this subjective `cyberspace' are often
   gray and silver, and the imagery often involves constellations of
   marching dots, elaborate shifting patterns of lines and angles, or
   moire patterns.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cycle: 1. n. The basic unit of computation.  What every hacker
   wants more of (noted hacker Bill Gosper describes himself as a
   "cycle junkie"). One can describe an instruction as taking so
   many `clock cycles'.  Often the computer can access its memory
   once on every clock cycle, and so one speaks also of `memory
   cycles'.  These are technical meanings of {cycle}.  The jargon
   meaning comes from the observation that there are only so many
   cycles per second, and when you are sharing a computer the cycles
   get divided up among the users.  The more cycles the computer
   spends working on your program rather than someone else's, the
   faster your program will run.  That's why every hacker wants more
   cycles: so he can spend less time waiting for the computer to
   respond.  2. By extension, a notional unit of *human* thought
   power, emphasizing that lots of things compete for the typical
   hacker's think time.  "I refused to get involved with the Rubik's
   Cube back when it was big.  Knew I'd burn too many cycles on it if
   I let myself."  3. vt. Syn. {bounce} (sense 4), {120 reset};
   from the phrase `cycle power'. "Cycle the machine again, that
   serial port's still hung."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cycle crunch: n. A situation wherein the number of people trying
   to use a computer simultaneously has reached the point where no one
   can get enough cycles because they are spread too thin and the
   system has probably begun to {thrash}.  This scenario is an
   inevitable result of Parkinson's Law applied to timesharing.
   Usually the only solution is to buy more computer.  Happily, this
   has rapidly become easier since the mid-1980s, so much so that the
   very term `cycle crunch' now has a faintly archaic flavor; most
   hackers now use workstations or personal computers as opposed to
   traditional timesharing systems.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cycle drought: n. A scarcity of cycles.  It may be due to a {cycle
   crunch}, but it could also occur because part of the computer is
   temporarily not working, leaving fewer cycles to go around.
   "The {high moby} is {down}, so we're running with only
   half the usual amount of memory.  There will be a cycle drought
   until it's fixed."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cycle of reincarnation: [coined by Ivan Sutherland ca. 1970] n.
   Term used to refer to a well-known effect whereby function in a
   computing system family is migrated out to special-purpose
   peripheral hardware for speed, then the peripheral evolves toward
   more computing power as it does its job, then somebody notices that
   it is inefficient to support two asymmetrical processors in the
   architecture and folds the function back into the main CPU, at
   which point the cycle begins again.  Several iterations of this
   cycle have been observed in graphics-processor design, and at least
   one or two in communications and floating-point processors.  Also
   known as `the Wheel of Life', `the Wheel of Samsara', and other
   variations of the basic Hindu/Buddhist theological idea.  See also
   {blitter}, {bit bang}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:cycle server: n. A powerful machine that exists primarily for
   running large {batch} jobs.  Implies that interactive tasks such as
   editing are done on other machines on the network, such as
   workstations.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Taking Inventory at a Bike shop
%%
Cyclic Redundancy Check:  Two locks on the same bicycle...
%%
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
 -- Lillian Hellman
%%
Cynicism is disillusioned idealism.
 -- Harry Kemelman
%%
Cynicism is humor in ill-health.
 -- H. G. Wells
%%
Cynicism is intellectual dandyism.
%%
Cynicism is safe, optimism takes real intelligence.
%%
Cynicism is the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.
 -- Russell Lynes
%%
Cynic, n.: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are,
not as they
ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's
eyes to improve his vision.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
%%
Cynics are made, not born.
 -- Max
%%
Cynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their
belief that they are right ten times out of ten.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt...  Idealists regarded
everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson
%%
Cytherian: "...Electrochemical stimulus response, cranial plate, bipedal
  locomotion, endoskeletal...contiguous external antigument!  Hmm."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Czechoslovakia ahead a goal to nil - that's a win if it stays that way.
%%
CZZC: Convert Zone to Zip Code
%%
DAC     Divide and Conquer.
%%
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched
 and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or
 the other.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several
 of us died of tuberculosis.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
   Daddy, Daddy, make
     Santa Claus go away!
              I can't, son;
          he's grown too
         powerful.
                  HO HO HO!
 -- Duck's Breath Mystery Theatre
%%
Daddy, hand me the garage door mouse.
 -- a four-year-old daughter trying to reach
       the garage door opener.
       (after using too much "educational" software).
%%
Daddy, what does "FORMATTING DRIVE C:....." mean ?
%%
Daddy, what does RESET mean.
%%
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy?
%%
DA      Develop Amnesia
%%
Dad, have you seen Blip? I can't find him anywhere!
%%
"Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have
color film back then?"
"Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just the
WORLD was black and white then."
"Really?"
"Yep. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930's, and it was
pretty grainy color for a while, too."
"That's really weird."
"Well, truth is stranger than fiction."
"But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was black and
white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way?"
"Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane."
"But... but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their
paints have been shades of gray back then?"
"Of course, but they turned colors like everything else did in the 30's."
"So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?"
"Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?"
 -- Calvin and Dad, "Calvin and Hobbes", 29 October 89
%%
Dad's favourite advice:"Keep your eyes open and your fly shut."
%%
Dad taught me about love. When I was 14 he said, "Larry, someday you're
 gonna meet a girl that's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect
 that you're not even gonna haggle over price."
 -- Larry "Bubbles" Brown
%%
Dad, what's that building?
That's an ancient Norman watchtower... where they would watch for Norman!
They haven't spotted him yet...
 -- actual conversation between my Dad & me
%%
:daemon: /day'mn/ or /dee'mn/ [from the mythological meaning,
   later rationalized as the acronym `Disk And Execution MONitor'] n.
   A program that is not invoked explicitly, but lies dormant waiting
   for some condition(s) to occur.  The idea is that the perpetrator
   of the condition need not be aware that a daemon is lurking (though
   often a program will commit an action only because it knows that it
   will implicitly invoke a daemon).  For example, under {{ITS}}
   writing a file on the {LPT} spooler's directory would invoke the
   spooling daemon, which would then print the file.  The advantage is
   that programs wanting (in this example) files printed need neither
   compete for access to nor understand any idiosyncrasies of the
   {LPT}.  They simply enter their implicit requests and let the
   daemon decide what to do with them.  Daemons are usually spawned
   automatically by the system, and may either live forever or be
   regenerated at intervals.

   Daemon and {demon} are often used interchangeably, but seem to
   have distinct connotations.  The term `daemon' was introduced to
   computing by {CTSS} people (who pronounced it /dee'mon/) and
   used it to refer to what ITS called a {dragon}.  Although the
   meaning and the pronunciation have drifted, we think this glossary
   reflects current (1993) usage.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dahling, don't be so third-level
%%
Dain bramaged.
%%
Daisies of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains.
%%
Daleks don't like stairs.
 -- Ian, THE CHASE
%%
Dalmatian dogs are born pure white, they don't start getting spots
until they are three or four days old. 
%%
Damage control is easy. Reading Klingon -- that's hard.
%%
Dammit Bones, I'm a captain, not a doctor.
%%
Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you?
 First you rape, then you pillage!!
%%
Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a physician.
 -- McCoy
%%
Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline writer.
%%
Dammit, man, that's unprofessional!  A good bartender laughs anyway!
 -- Doonesbury
%%
Dammit, we're all going to die, let's die doing something *useful*!
 -- Hal Clement, on comments that space exploration is dangerous
%%
Damnable, both sides rogue.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Damn fine coffee, and HOT!
%%
Damn! I'm running out of integers!
%%
Damnit Bones, you're a doctor, you know that pain can't be taken away
  with a magic wand.  They're the things we carry with us, the things
  that make us who we are.  If we lose them, we lose ourselves.  I
  don't want my pain taken away, I need my pain!
 -- Kirk,  "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
%%
Damnit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a doctor. Hey, wait a minute.
%%
Damn it Jim!, I'm a programmer not a Doctor!
%%
Damn it, Jim, you're a television personality, not an
actor
%%
Damn Outta Antimatter. I told Geordi $50 wasn't enough.
%%
"Damn reporters! That wasn't the quote at all!
 It was 'carry a big SHOVEL'. Sticks, indeed!"
 -- Teddy Roosevelt in college
%%
Damn the rules! It's the feeling that counts!
 -- John Coltrane
%%
Damn the Solar System.   Bad light; planets too distant; plagued with comets;
feeble contrivance.  Could make a better myself.
 -- Francis, Lord Jeffery
%%
Damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead.
%%
Damn this hobby is expensive.
%%
DAMN, v.  A word formerly much used by the Paphlagonians, the meaning
of which is lost.  By the learned Dr. Dolabelly Gak it is believed to
have been a term of satisfaction, implying the highest possible degree
of mental tranquillity.  Professor Groke, on the contrary, thinks it
expressed an emotion of tumultuous delight, because it so frequently
occurs in combination with the word _jod_ or _god_, meaning "joy."  It
would be with great diffidence that I should advance an opinion
conflicting with that of either of these formidable authorities.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Damn. Where are the callouses us doctors are supposed to grow over
  our feelings.
Perhaps the good ones never get them.
 -- Dr. Crusher and Picard, "Code of Honor", stardate 41235.25
%%
Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer,
And without sneering teach the rest to sneer;
Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike,
Just hint a fault, and hesitate dislike.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 201
%%
Damn your principles!  Stick to your party.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Danar. You are cunning, you must have Klingon blood.
 -- Worf,  "The Hunted", stardate 43489.2
%%
Dance and Provencal song and sunburnt mirth!
Oh for a beaker full of the warm South,
Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene!
With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,
And purple-stained mouth.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Ode to a Nightingale
%%
DANCE, v.i.  To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably
with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter.  There are many
kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two
sexes have two characteristics in common:  they are conspicuously
innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Dan Chaucer, well of English undefyled,
On Fame's eternall beadroll worthie to be fyled.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- Book iv, Canto ii, St. 32
%%
Dancin' fool  [picture of dancing jester]
%%
Dancing is wonderful training for girls; it's the first way you learn to
 guess what a man is going to do before he does it.
%%
"Danger!" by Luke Out
%%
DANGER is my BUSINESS.
 -- Cool McCool, in his cartoon series of the late 60s
%%
DANGER, n.

    A savage beast which, when it sleeps,
        Man girds at and despises,
    But takes himself away by leaps
        And bounds when it arises.
                                                          Ambat Delaso
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
Danger! Danger! Danger!
%%
Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
Doctor Smith has altered the reactor!
%%
Danger, you haven't seen the last of me!
     No, but the first of you turns my stomach!
 -- The Firesign Theatre's Nick Danger
%%
:dangling pointer: n. A reference that doesn't actually lead
   anywhere (in C and some other languages, a pointer that doesn't
   actually point at anything valid).  Usually this happens because it
   formerly pointed to something that has moved or disappeared.  Used
   as jargon in a generalization of its techspeak meaning; for
   example, a local phone number for a person who has since moved to
   the other coast is a dangling pointer.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
*****************Dang*Tribbles******************
%%
Daniel Webster struck me much like a steam-engine in trousers.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 267
%%
Dan Quayle got his first assignment! He is in charge of picking up the
 crushed jelly beans from the carpet in the Oval Office. Currently, he is in
 school, learning how to do it. Next week, he starts.
%%
Dan Quayle had a trip planned to Beijing, but was worried because of
the turmoil at that end. His security adviser however informed him that
it was pretty safe for D. Q. as, 'They are only harassing intellectuals.'
And the President put his hand on my shoulder and said: 'Dan,
I _knew_ Spiro Agnew.  He was a friend of mine.  And Dan...
You're no Spiro Agnew!'
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Dan Quayle, in April 1991, was concerned that his advisors
may be getting out of touch with 'Real Americans.' In order
to combat this, he suggested that they read People magazine.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Dan Quayle is a former has-been.
%%
Dan Quayle is a man of the future, a young man born in the middle of
this century and from the middle of America.  He's a dynamic young
leader for the future of our party and the future of the nation.
 -- President George Bush
%%
[Dan Quayle is] my choice, my first choice, and my only choice.
 -- President George Bush
%%
Dan Quayle is smarter than broccoli.
 -- Assumption #1
%%
Dan Quayle may not have been wanted by his parents, who kept asking him,
 after he was born, why he was not more like Gertrude. Gertrude died at
 birth.
%%
"Darest thou, Cassius, now
Leap in with me into this angry flood,
And swim to yonder point?" Upon the word,
Accoutred as I was, I plunged in
And bade him follow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Dare to be naive.
 -- Richard Buckminster Fuller
%%
Dare to be true: nothing can need a lie;
A fault which needs it most, grows two thereby.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Church Porch
%%
Dare to look up to God and say, "Make use of me for the future as
Thou wilt. I am of the same mind; I am one with Thee. I refuse nothing
which seems good to Thee. Lead me whither Thou wilt. Clothe me in
whatever dress Thou wilt."
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- That we do not study to make Use of the established Principles
 -- concerning Good and Evil,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xvi
%%
Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward. They may be beaten, but they
may start a winning game.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
DARING, n.  One of the most conspicuous qualities of a man in
security.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Dark as pitch.
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 -- Pilgrim's Progress, Part i
%%
Darkness which may be felt.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Exodus x, 21
%%
Dark, no light.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
:dark-side hacker: n. A criminal or malicious hacker; a
   {cracker}.  From George Lucas's Darth Vader, "seduced by the
   dark side of the Force".  The implication that hackers form a
   sort of elite of technological Jedi Knights is intended.  Oppose
   {samurai}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dark with excessive bright.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 380
%%
"Darling, would you like to propose another toast?"
"To a warmed, darkened, slightly crispy slice of bread."
 -- Bizarro
%%
Darmok and Jhilad at Tanagra
%%
Darn Out of tribble tags.
%%
Dartboards are made out of horsehairs. 
%%
Darth Vader! Only you could be so bold.
 -- Star Wars
%%
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
%%
 (Darth Vader voice:)  Speak, worm!
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
Data: "A characteristic response to the Kriskoff Gambit is to counter
with the  El Mitra Exchange, particularly since I have already taken
both of your rooks.  By missing that opportunity, you have left your
king vulnerable." Troi: "We'll see." Data: "As you wish, Counselor."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Data: "Ambassador Spock, may I ask a personal question?"
Spock: "Please."
Data: "As you examine your life, do you find that you have missed your
  humanity?"
Spock: "I have no regrets."
Data: "'No regrets.'  That is a human expression."
Spock: "Yes.  Fascinating."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Data: "And Captain Picard has been a role model in my quest to be
more human." Spock: "'More human'?" Data: "Yes, Ambassador." Spock:
"Fascinating.  You have an efficient intellect, superior physical
skills,  no emotional impediments.  There are Vulcans who aspire all
their lives to  achieve what you've been given, by design." Data:
"Hm."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Data and procedures and the values they amass,
Higher-order functions to combine and mix and match,
Objects with their local state, the message they pass,
A property, a package, the control point for a catch---
In the Lambda Order they are all first-class.
One Thing to name them all, One Thing to define them,
One Thing to place them in environments and bind them,
In the Lambda Order they are all first-class.
 -- The Revised Revised Report on Scheme,
 -- or An UnCommon Lisp, MIT AILAB Memo #848a
%%
Data: "Are you comfortable, sir?"
Picard: "I suppose so."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Data: "A standard isolation procedure would be advisable."
LaForge: "I agree.  We'll cut off each reactor from the damaged control system,
  and repair them one-by-one."
Riker: "How long will that take?"
LaForge: "Two to three weeks, at least."
Picard: "All right, Mister LaForge."
Barclay: "I don't agree."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Data: "Attempting to reroute subcommand paths, Captain.  Defense systems are
  protected by access barriers."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
DATABASE
  Developed in the early 1800's, by Rodney Database of Darlington,
  the database is a marvellously efficient way of putting large
  amounts of information into one central repository, never to be
  seen again. The design of the database is now an art form in
  itself, and will usually include:
      - just a dash of normalisation
      - a whole bunch of useless information
      - a whole bunch of fairly important information that no-one will
        ever actually ask to see
      - a whole bunch of very important information which will get
        unexpectedly lost when a hardware fault occurs (eg someone
        presses the wrong button) and the whole of your disk gets
        wiped / paper files get burnt / tape gets melted down into a
        large pudding, thrown out, buried in landfill and split in
        two during an earthquake
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Database Manager - A program that allows the user to manipulate data in every
   conceivable way except the absolutely essential one he or she conceives
   of the day after entering 20 Megabytes of raw data.
 -- From the Government Computer News, November 21, 1988 Issue
%%
Data becomes vilently ill with a computer virus.
%%
Data: "Captain, you have seemed unusually pensive since we received
the news of  Ambassador Sarek's death." Picard: "Sarek and I shared
a particular bond.  Our lives touched in an unusual  way.  I admit
I feel the effects of his death.  The tenure of this mission has 
changed, Mister Data, at least it has for me.  We were sent to confront
Spock  about his disappeance, and now I also have to tell him that
his father is  dead."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Data: "Commander Riker, you have anticipated my denouement.  However, the
  sentiment is appreciated.  I will continue."
 -- "Schisms", Stardate unknown
%%
Data: "Considering the exceptionally long lifespan of Vulcans, it does seem odd
  that Sarek and Spock did not choose to resolve those differences in the time
  allowed."
Picard: "Father and son.  Both proud, both stubborn, more alike than either of
  them were prepared to admit.  A lifetime spent building emotional barriers,
  they are very difficult to break down.  And now the time has come when it's
  too late.  It's a difficult moment.  It's a lonely one.  It's a moment that
  Spock is about to face."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Data convinces the Coke machine that Pepsi is better.
%%
Data: "Counselor, hopefully you will be able to determine whether I am reaching
  Captain Picard."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "Counselor, I believe your aim is improving."
 -- "Qpid", Stardate unknown
%%
Data, data everywhere, and not a byte to eat
%%
DATA...DATA SOMETHING'S GOT ME!!!
 -- Riker, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
Data! Data! Where are you? Why won't you answer? Are you angry with me?
  Please, please, I'm so afraid! Don't leave me.
Wait. Oh, Data. That whisper in the darkness has become a plea. We
  cannot turn our backs.
 -- Sarjenka and Picard, "Pen Pals", stardate 42695.3
%%
Data does it in serial...
 -- Tasha Yar
%%
Data: "Do you not wish to sleep, sir?"
Picard: "I don't think so, Mister Data."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Data: "Early bird [gets the worm]?  I believe Commander Shelby erred.  There is
  no evidence of avian or crawling vermicular lifeforms on Jure IV."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Data enjoys a lot of confusion, Jean-Luc.
 -- Deanna
%%
Data enjoys a smoke after interfacing with the Computer.
%%
Data: "Fascinating.  The Borg group consciousness is divided into subcommands,
  necessary to carry out all functions.  Defense, communications, navigation.
  They are all controlled by a root command."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "Feline supplement...Seventy-Four."
Spot: "Meow."
 -- "Data's Day", Stardate unknown
%%
Data: "Felus catus.  Is your taxonomic nomenclature
       An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature?
       Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
       Control your hunting skills and natural defenses.
%%
Data: "First neural connection is confirmed.  I cannot report any significant
  access to the Borg consciousness."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "Geordi, as a child, did you ever experience a traumatic event?"
LaForge: "You're wondering about Timothy?" Data: "Yes." LaForge: "I
was...caught in a fire once.  I must have been, I don't know, about
 five, I guess?  It was before I got the first VISOR.  And, it was
only a  couple of minutes before my parents found me and pulled me
out.  And nobody  got hurt, but...I tell you...that was the longest
couple of minutes in my  life.  It was a while after that before I
could even let my parents get out of  earshot.  It was like...I absolutely
needed to know that they were there, you  know?" Data: "Timothy no
longer has that kind of support." LaForge: "Yeah."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: "He laughed."
Troi: "Yes, it's nice to see, isn't it?"
Data: "It is certainly not consistent with his android persona."
Troi: "I'd say that he is beginning the process of letting go of that fantasy."
Data: "Hmm.  Then my work with him is done."
Troi: "No, I, I don't think it is, Data."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: "Honey?  I'm home!"
 -- "In Theory", Stardate unknown
%%
Data, how can you be programmed as a virtual encyclopedia of human
  information and not know a simple word like snoop?
Possibility: A kind of human behavior I was not designed to emulate.
 -- Picard & Data, "Encounter at Farpoint,"  stardate 41153.7.
%%
Data: "Human interpersonal relationships are more complex.  Your experience may
  not have adequately prepared you."
Q: "I'm not interested in 'human interpersonal relationships'.  I just want to
  prove to Picard that I'm indispensable."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Data: "I am afraid we cannot allow you to warn your guards."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Data: "I am attempting to penetrate the Borg regenerate subcommand path.  It is
  a low priority system that may be accessable."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "I am unable to penetrate the base systems command structure, Captain."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "I believe I may be of some assistance.  Captain Scott is unaware
of the  existence of synthehol." Scott: "'S-synthehol'?" Data: "Yes,
sir.  It is an alcohol-substitute now being served aboard starships.
 It simulates the appearance, taste, and smell of alcohol, but the
intoxicating  effects can be easily dismissed."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Data: "I believe it was a beacon."
Picard: "A beacon?"
Data: "Yes, sir.  A homing beacon, sent from Earth."
 -- "Conspiracy", Stardate unknown
%%
Data: "I cannot penetrate Borg power subcommand structure, sir.  All critical
  subcommands are protected, Captain."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "I do not entirely understand, sir.  As a Vulcan, Ambassador
Spock would  simply see death as the logical result of his father's
illness." Picard: "It's never quite that simple, not even for a Vulcan.
 Certainly not for  Spock, who is half-human.  Years spent in conflict.
 And now the chance to  resolve those differences is gone."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Data: "If I may make a supposition.  I do not believe his message was intended
  to express fatigue, but to suggest a course of action."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "I have clearly determined Pardek's routine.  On days when the Senate is
  not in session, he invariably comes to this section at the medium hour."
Picard: "Very well, let's um, sample the local cuisine, shall we?"
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Data: "I have good news.  Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her
  happiness.  She has cancelled the wedding."
 -- "Data's Day", Stardate unknown
%%
Data: "I have often wondered what it must be like to have one's mouth...water
in
  anticipation of the arrival of a confection.  Or to feel the pleasure I have
  observed in humans as they consume it."
Timothy: "You sound like you don't want to be an android."
Data: "I am an android.  That will never change."
Timothy: "But if you could change, would you?"
Data: "I have often wished to be human.  I have studied people carefully, in
  order to more closely approximate human behavior."
Timothy: "Why?  We're stronger and smarter than humans.  We can do more than
  they can."
Data: "I cannot take pride in my abilities.  I cannot take pleasure in my
  accomplishments."
Timothy: "But we never have to feel bad either."
Data: "I would gladly risk feeling bad at times, if it also meant that I could
  ...taste my dessert."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: "I hope I did not do anything unbecoming a Starfleet officer."
Riker: "Does wrestling a Klingon targ ring a bell?"
 -- "The Schizoid Man", Stardate unknown
%%
Data, I'm only going to tell you this just once. It never happened.
 -- Yar to Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Data: "Initiating first neural link."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "Intriguing.  You have devised a completely unanticipated response to a
  classic attack.  You will checkmate my king in seven moves."
Troi: "Data, chess isn't just a game of plays and gambits.  It's a game of
  intuition."
Data: "Hmm."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Data is a lot like humans:   It is born.  Matures.  Gets married to other data,
 divorced. Gets old.  One thing that it doesn't do is die.  It has to be
 killed.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
Data is a physical representation of a dream, an idea conceived by the
  mind of a man. His purpose? To serve human needs and interests. He is
  a collection of neural nets and heuristic algorithms. His responses are
  dictated by an elaborate software program written BY a MAN. The hardware
  was built by a MAN. And this MAN has turned him off. Pinnochio is
  broken, the strings have been cut.
 -- Riker, "The Measure of a Man", stardate 42523.7
%%
Data is a toaster.
 -- Capt. Louvois, "The Measure of a Man", stardate 42523.7
%%
Data is not information, Information is not knowledge, Knowledge is
not understanding, Understanding is not wisdom.
 -- Cliff Stoll & Gary Schubert
%%
Data: "Is that satisfactory?"
Timothy: "It's perfect."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data, I thought you were dead. No, sir, I rebooted..
%%
Data: "It is Captain Picard himself who has somehow managed to intiate
contact."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "It is clear the Borg are either unwilling or unable to terminate their
  subspace links."
Beverly: "*That* might be their Achille's heel, Captain...their
  interdependency."
Riker: "What do you mean, Doctor?"
Beverly: "He is part of their collective consciousness now.  Cutting him off
  would be like asking us to disconnect an arm or a foot.  We can't do it."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "It is perplexing to me that the Ullians' ability to retrieve
memory is so
  highly prized.  If an event were important enough to be recovered, why would
  it have been forgotten?"
LaForge: "Well, it's not quite the same for us as it is for you, Data.  You
  record every second of every moment of your life."
Data: "That is correct."
LaForge: "And then if you want to recall anyone of those moments, you just
  access the proper memory circuit."
Data: "My understanding of the human brain suggests the process is the same for
  you.  Each memory is encoded in chains of molecules.  If you want to retrieve
  it you simply access the proper RNA sequence."
LaForge: "Yeah, that's true."
Data: "Then in what way is it different?"
LaForge: "Sometimes there are memories we just can't access at the spur of the
  moment.  For instance, I have no recollection of how I'd spent my last
  birthday.  Birthdays are important occasions, and you would think that I
  remember how I spent the day.  Right now, I can't even remember...where I
  was."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Data: "It IS the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Captain"
%%
Data: "I will endeavor to speed up the process, sir."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Data: "I would be chasing an untamed armathoid without cause."
Beverly: "A wild goose chase?"
 -- "Data's Day", Stardate unknown
%%
Data, I would like to have been consulted.
I have not observed anyone else on board consulting you about their
  procreation, Captain.
 -- Picard and Data, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
:Datamation: /day`t*-may'sh*n/ n. A magazine that many hackers
   assume all {suit}s read.  Used to question an unbelieved quote,
   as in "Did you read that in "Datamation?""  It used to
   publish something hackishly funny every once in a while, like the
   original paper on {COME FROM} in 1973, and Ed Post's "Real
   Programmers Don't Use Pascal" ten years later, but it has since
   become much more exclusively {suit}-oriented and boring.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
[Data must feel good about seeing Kivas Fajo locked up]
Data: "No, sir...it does not.  I do not have feelings.  I am only an android."
 -- "The Most Toys", Stardate unknown
%%
Data: "Neural connection is complete.  I have access to the Borg subspace
  signal.  Processing...processing."
Troi: "Data..."
Data: "Standby.  Processing...processing."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "One Seven Three Four Six Seven Three Two One Four Seven Six
Charlie Three
  Two Seven Eight Nine Seven Seven Seven Six Four Three Tango Seven Three Two
  Victor Seven Three One One Seven Eight Eight Eight Seven Three Two Four Seven
  Six Seven Eight Nine Seven Six Four Three Seven Six Lock."
 -- "Brothers", Stardate unknown
%%
Data: "One Sumerian Sunset, made in the traditional style."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Data: "Perhaps you should return to your quarters."
Timothy: "I'm fine.  'The servo mechanisms in my...' mouth '...are designed to
  appoximate human movements.'"
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: [Practices yawning]
Timothy: "That is not bad."
Data: "Thank you."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: "Proceeding with the final link."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "Q, I strongly suggest that you coorperate."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Data: "Q says he has hurt his back."
Beverly: "Uh-huh."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
DAT arrives
frequency notch treachery
people are not fooled
 -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS
%%
DATARY, n.  A high ecclesiastic official of the Roman Catholic Church,
whose important function is to brand the Pope's bulls with the words
_Datum Romae_.  He enjoys a princely revenue and the friendship of
God.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Data: "Second neural connection is confirmed.  I still cannot report any
  significant access."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "Shuttle launch confirmed.  Departing Enterprise in exactly three
  seconds."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "Sir, drop the shields."
Riker: "That's suicide, Data."
Data: "Captain, *drop* the shields."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: "Sir, what command shall I attempt to plant?"
Riker: "Something straightforward, like 'Disarm your weapons systems.'"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "Starfleet reports it has engaged the Borg at Wolf-359, sir."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Data: "Temperature in the reaction chamber...has returned to normal."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Data: "That is part of my dilemma.  I have the curiosity of humans, but there
  are questions that I will never have the questions to.  What it is like to
  laugh, or cry, or to experience any human emotions."
Q: "Hm.  Well, if you ask me, these human emotions are not what they're cracked
  up to be."
Data: "Hm."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Data: "The captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly
  human."
Guinan: "Really?"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Data: "The human race has an enduring desire for knowledge.  And for new
  opportunities to improve itself."
Q: "Well, there's certainly room for improvement.  But the truth is, Data,
  they're a minor species in the grand scheme, not worth your envy."
Data: "Oh, I do not feel envy."
Q: "Well that's good."
Data: "I feel nothing at all."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Data: "There is another possibility.  Perhaps my origin is unique.
 In that case
  I am alone."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Data: "There may be a relationship between humor and sex which I am not aware
  of."
 -- "Data's Day", Stardate unknown
%%
Data: "These quarters were obviously intended for one crewman, sir.  There is
  but a single sleeping space."
Picard: "I'm sure the Klingons found it amusing to put us in here together."
Data: "Since I do not require sleep, I propose you take the...shelf, sir.  I am
  content to stand."
Picard: "Very well, Mister Data, thank you."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Data: "This vessel is called the 'Enterprise'.  We are part of an organization
  called 'The United Federation Of Planets'."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Data: "Throughout the ages, from Keats to Giorchamo, poets have composed
'odes'  to individuals who have had a profound effect upon their lives.
 In keeping  with that tradition, I have written my next poem...in
honor of my cat.  I call  it, 'Ode...to Spot'."
 -- "Schisms", Stardate 46 
%%
Data: "Timothy, androids do not lie."
Timothy: "It was...me."
Data: "Please explain."
Timothy: "It was me.  I killed them all."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: "Timothy, your head movements are counterproductive.  Can you be still?"
Timothy: "But you do it."
Data: "The servo mechanisms in my neck are designed to approximate human
  movements.  I did not realize the effect was so distracting."
Timothy: "I like it."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: "Timothy, you understand that you may speak to me about anything
you wish  ...any subject." Timothy: "I understand." Data: "At times,
I too find it...difficult to share my thoughts with others.  I  am
not always confident that I am...expressing myself in a manner which
humans  can comprehend."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Data: "To function aboard a starship, or in any human activity, you
must learn  to perform relationships." Q: "It's so hard." Data: "And
of more immediate importance, is your ability to work within groups."
Q: "I'm not good in groups.  It's difficult to work in a group when
you're  omnipotent."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Data: "We are experiencing a quantum-level oscillation delay."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Data: "We are more alike than unlike, my dear Captain.  I have pores, humans
  have pores.  I have fingerprints, humans have fingerprints.  My chemical
  nutrients are like your blood.  If you prick me, do I not...leak?"
 -- "The Naked Now", Stardate unknown
%%
Data: "We are through the perimeter, sir."
Riker: "That was too easy."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Data, we have 8 or 9 minutes at most, can you finish by then?
No, this will take slightly more time than we have, sir.
 -- Riker and Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Data: "We would also need to communicate with the Enterprise in Sector 2-13."
K'Vada: "You do, and the Romulans would instantly know our cooridinates!"
Data: "Using conventional means that would be true.  However, I suggest we
  piggyback our signal on Romulan subspace transmission."
K'Vada: "'Piggyback'?"
Data: "A human metaphor, pardon me."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Data: "We would use a Romulan signal as a carrier for our own, thus disguising
  its origin."
K'Vada: "It will work?"
Data: "I believe it would.  During the last hour, I have conducted a systematic
  review of the entire Romulan subspace grid.  I have compared my findings with
  the specifications of your own transmission array.  They appear to be
  compatible."
K'Vada: "Cha."
Data: "Thank you for your coorporation."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Data: "What is causing the increased neural activity is unclear."
Troi: "No it's not.  It's him!  It's Picard!"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Data: "You are a challenging opponent, Counselor."
Troi: "Thanks.  But don't think a compliment's going to get you out of our bet.
  You owe me one Sumerian Sunset made in the *traditional style*...as you can
  only make it, Data."
Data: "I will honor our agreement."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Data: "You are...half-human?"
Spock: "Yes."
Data: "Yet you have chosen a Vulcan way of life."
Spock: "I have."
Data: "In effect, you have abandoned what I have sought...all my life."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Data: "You know that I cannot grieve for you, sir."
Soong: "You will...in your own way."
 -- "Brothers", Stardate unknown
%%
Data, you're circling the room like a buzzard.
 -- Picard, "Haven", stardate 41294.5
%%
Dating is hard on guys. Guys just got really good lying about how many
 women they have had; now they have to lie about how many women they haven't
 had.
 -- Diane Ford
%%
Dating processes are dependent on the analysis of rocks.
%%
Daub yourself with honey and you'll be covered with flies.
%%
:DAU: /dow/ [German Fidonet] n. German acronym for D"ummster
   Anzunehmender User (stupidest imaginable user).  From the
   engineering-slang GAU for Gr"osster Anzunehmender Unfall, worst
   foreseeable accident, esp. of a LNG tank farm plant or something
   with similarly disastrous consequences.  In popular German, GAU is
   used only to refer to worst-case nuclear acidents such as a core
   meltdown. See {cretin}, {fool}, {loser} and {weasel}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DAUF    Delete All Useless Files[you trust a computer THAT far?]
%%
Daughter of Jove, relentless power,
  Thou tamer of the human breast,
Whose iron scourge and tort'ring hour
  The bad affright, afflict the best!
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Hymn to Adversity
%%
Dave?   Dave??   Dave's not here.
%%
"Dave, put those Windows disks down....Dave...DAVE!"
 -- Hal 9000
%%
Dave Sim appears in dark glasses and talks like
 he's been up for three days doing God knows what,
 which is kind of how you like to think of Dave
 Sim.
 -- Rob Rodi
%%
David Brinkley: The daily astrological charts are precisely where, in my
  judgment, they belong, and that is on the comic page.
George Will:  I don't think astrology belongs even on the comic pages.
  The comics are making no truth claim.
Brinkley:  Where would you put it?
Will:  I wouldn't put it in the newspaper.  I think it's transparent rubbish.
  It's a reflection of an idea that we expelled from Western thought in the
  sixteenth century, that we are in the center of a caring universe.  We are
  not the center of the universe, and it doesn't care.  The star's alignment
  at the time of our birth -- that is absolute rubbish.  It is not funny to
  have it intruded among people who have nuclear weapons.
Sam Donaldson:  This isn't something new.  Governor Ronald Reagan was sworn
  in just after midnight in his first term in Sacramento because the stars
  said it was a propitious time.
Will:  They [horoscopes] are utter crashing banalities.  They could apply to
  anyone and anything.
Brinkley:  When is the exact moment [of birth]?  I don't think the nurse is
  standing there with a stopwatch and a notepad.
Donaldson:  If we're making decisions based on the stars -- that's a cockamamie
  thing.  People want to know.
 -- "This Week" with David Brinkley, ABC Television, Sunday, May 8, 1988,
 -- excerpts from a discussion on Astrology and Reagan
%%
David: "Every time we have dealings with Starfleet I get nervous.
 We are  dealing with something that could be perverted into a dreadful
weapon.  Remember that overgrown boy scout you used to hang around
with?  That's  exactly the kind of man that'll--" Carol: "Listen kiddo,
Jim Kirk was many things, but he was *never* a boy scout."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
David: "He killed everybody we left behind!"
Carol: "Oh of course he didn't.  David, you're just making this harder."
Terrell: "I'm afraid even it's harder than you think, doctor.
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
David: "I knew it, you son of a bitch!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
David: "I've tried warning you before.  Scientists have always been
pawns of the
  military!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
David: "I was wrong about you, and I'm sorry."
Kirk: "Is that what you came here to say?"
David: "Mainly.  And also, that I'm proud...very proud...to be your son."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
David Letterman said that a recent survey showed that 25% of all
New Yorkers had seen a dead person while living in the city,
and what's more, 60% of of them would pay to see it again.
%%
David: "Lieutenant Saavik was right.  You never have faced death."
Kirk: "No, not like this.  I haven't faced death.  I've cheated death.  I've
  tricked my way around death, and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity.
  I know nothing."
David: "You knew enough, to tell Saavik that how we face death is at least as
  important as how we face life."
Kirk: "Just words."
David: "But good words.  That's where ideas begin.  Maybe you should listen to
  them."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4 
%%
David Merrick, displaying his sneaky knack for extending the life of a
production beyond the reasonable expectations of the playwright's mother.
 -- Walter Kerr
%%
David therefore departed thence and escaped to the cave Adullam.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Samuel xxii, 1
%%
David was just a shepherd who liked to get his rocks off in leather.
%%
Davies: And what do you do for a living?
 Listener: I'm a freelance writer.
 Davies: Really?  Who do you work for?
 Listener: Er... Myself.
%%
"Dawn came too soon," she mourned.
%%
DAWN, n.  The time when men of reason go to bed.  Certain old men
prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk
with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.  They then
point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy
health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old,
not because of their habits, but in spite of them.  The reason we find
only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the
others who have tried it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
%%
DAY 4. THE HUM OF THE HARD DRIVE LULLS ME TO SLEEP
AND WAKES ME IN THE MORNING. I BEGIN TO WONDER WHETHER
I WILL EVER MAKE IT OUT OF KEN'S .SIG.
%%
DAY, n.  A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.  This period
is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day
improper -- the former devoted to sins of business, the latter
consecrated to the other sort.  These two kinds of social activity
overlap.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
%%
Days of absence, sad and dreary,
  Clothed in sorrow's dark array,--
Days of absence, I am weary:
  She I love is far away.
 -- Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778)
 -- Day of Absence
%%
Days that need borrow
No part of their good morrow
From a fore-spent night of sorrow.
 -- Richard Crashaw (c. 1616-1650)
 -- Wishes to his Supposed Mistress
%%
Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night showeth knowledge.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xix, 2
%%
dBase is the non-programming language in which non-
programmers write non-programs
%%
DB      Drop Bits
%%
DBL     Desegregate Bus Lines
%%
%DBM-F-DBNFG, database access impaired by reverse disk spin
%%
%DBM-F-DELDBBCK, database deleted during abnormal termination of backup
%%
%DBMS-E-SCHEMABCKWD, database schema reads backwards
%%
DBR     Debase Register
%%
DBZ     Divide By Zero
%%
DCAD    Dump Core And Die
%%
DCD     Drop Cards Double
%%
DC      Degauss core
%%
DC Divide and Conquer
%%
DCGC    Dump Confusing Garbage to Console
%%
DCI     Disk Crash Immediate
%%
%DCL-BAD-MEM, bad memory
VMS-F-PUDDEARS, pudding between the ears
%%
         <'D  /    C /
          ()-^ --+-\\     L'epigramme est un jeu d'escrime.
         / >      | \
 -- Antoine Louis Le Brun
%%
DCON    Disable CONsole
%%
:D. C. Power Lab: n. The former site of {{SAIL}}.  Hackers thought
   this was very funny because the obvious connection to electrical
   engineering was nonexistent -- the lab was named for a Donald C.
   Power.  Compare {Marginal Hacks}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DCR     Double precision CRash
%%
DCT     Drop Cards Triple
%%
DCWPDGD Drink Coffee, Write Program, Debug, Get Drunk
%%
DDC     Dally During Calculations
%%
:dd: /dee-dee/ [UNIX: from IBM {JCL}] vt. Equivalent to
   {cat} or {BLT}.  Originally the name of a UNIX copy command
   with special options suitable for block-oriented devices; it was
   often used in heavy-handed system maintenance, as in "Let's
   `dd' the root partition onto a tape, then use the boot PROM to
   load it back on to a new disk".  The UNIX `dd(1)' was
   designed with a weird, distinctly non-UNIXy keyword option syntax
   reminiscent of IBM System/360 JCL (which had an elaborate DD
   `Dataset Definition' specification for I/O devices); though the
   command filled a need, the interface design was clearly a prank.
   The jargon usage is now very rare outside UNIX sites and now nearly
   obsolete even there, as `dd(1)' has been {deprecated} for a
   long time (though it has no exact replacement).  The term has been
   displaced by {BLT} or simple English `copy'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DD      Destroy Disk
%%
***DD***  <D Heavy-Weight Tribble Lifter.
%%
DD      Drop Disk
%%
DDOA    Drop Dead On Answer
%%
DDS     Delaminate Disk Surface
%%
DDT   Defoliate Directory Trees
%%
DDWB    Deposit Directly in Wastepaper Basket
%%
De-accession euphemisms.
%%
:dead: adj. 1. Non-functional; {down}; {crash}ed.  Especially
   used of hardware.  2. At XEROX PARC, software that is working but
   not undergoing continued development and support.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DEAD, adj.

    Done with the work of breathing; done
    With all the world; the mad race run
    Though to the end; the golden goal
    Attained and found to be a hole!
                                                        Squatol Johnes
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:DEADBEEF: /ded-beef/ n. The hexadecimal word-fill pattern for
   freshly allocated memory (decimal -21524111) under a number of
   IBM environments, including the RS/6000.  As in "Your program is
   DEADBEEF" (meaning gone, aborted, flushed from memory); if you
   start from an odd half-word boundary, of course, you have
   BEEFDEAD.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dead cat brush
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
:dead code: n. Routines that can never be accessed because all
   calls to them have been removed, or code that cannot be reached
   because it is guarded by a control structure that provably must
   always transfer control somewhere else.  The presence of dead code
   may reveal either logical errors due to alterations in the program
   or significant changes in the assumptions and environment of the
   program (see also {software rot}); a good compiler should report
   dead code so a maintainer can think about what it means.
   (Sometimes it simply means that an *extremely* defensive
   programmer has inserted {can't happen} tests which really can't
   happen -- yet.)  Syn. {grunge}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dead end crawl.
%%
Dead, for a ducat, dead!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Dead, huh?  Well, that's one less thing.
 -- Beverly
%%
Dead lizards protect against a cockatrice.
%%
:deadlock: n. 1. [techspeak] A situation wherein two or more
   processes are unable to proceed because each is waiting for one of
   the others to do something.  A common example is a program
   communicating to a server, which may find itself waiting for output
   from the server before sending anything more to it, while the
   server is similarly waiting for more input from the controlling
   program before outputting anything.  (It is reported that this
   particular flavor of deadlock is sometimes called a `starvation
   deadlock', though the term `starvation' is more properly used for
   situations where a program can never run simply because it never
   gets high enough priority.  Another common flavor is
   `constipation', in which each process is trying to send stuff to
   the other but all buffers are full because nobody is reading
   anything.)  See {deadly embrace}.  2. Also used of deadlock-like
   interactions between humans, as when two people meet in a narrow
   corridor, and each tries to be polite by moving aside to let the
   other pass, but they end up swaying from side to side without
   making any progress because they always move the same way at the
   same time.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:deadly embrace: n. Same as {deadlock}, though usually used only when
   exactly two processes are involved.  This is the more popular term in
   Europe, while {deadlock} predominates in the United States.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Deadly ninja throwing button
%%
deadman: climber (male) who forgets to knot either end of a rappel rope.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
"Dead?  No excuse for laying off work."
 -- God (played splendidly by the late Sir Ralph Richardson), in TIME BANDITS
%%
DEAD OR ALIVE, YOU ARE COMING WITH ME.
 -- ROBOCOP
%%
Dead people are cool.
%%
DEAD PERSON:  I don't want to go in the cart!
CUSTOMER:     Oh, don't be such a baby.
MORTICIAN:    I can't take him...
DEAD PERSON:  I feel fine!
CUSTOMER:     Oh, do us a favor...
MORTICIAN:    I can't.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Dead puppies aren't much fun.
%%
Deadwood. Nineteenth Century Earth. The Ancient West.
%%
Dealer prep and options extra.
%%
Dealing with failure is easy: Work hard to improve. Success is also
 easy to handle: You've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.
%%
Dealing with the government is like kicking a 300-pound sponge.
 -- Finagle's Law of Government Contracting
%%
Deanna is just the woman to bring some meaning to your sorry existence.
  If you're smart enough to take it. I doubt that you are.
 -- Riker to Devinoni Rai, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
Deanna tries to read my mind and sees taglines.
%%
Deanna tries to read Picard's mind and sees Pontiac.
%%
  Dear as remember'd kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feign'd
On lips that are for others; deep as love,--
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret.
Oh death in life, the days that are no more!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part iv, Line 36
%%
Dear as the light that visits these sad eyes;
Dear as the ruddy drops that warm my heart.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, I, 3, Line 12
%%
Dear as the vital warmth that feeds my life;
Dear as these eyes, that weep in fondness o'er thee.
 -- Thomas Otway (1651-1685)
 -- Venice Preserved, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Dear Auntie Em:
Hate you, hate Kansas. Goodbye. I'm taking the dog.
 -- Dorothy
%%
Dear, beauteous death, the jewel of the just!
  Shining nowhere but in the dark;
What mysteries do lie beyond thy dust,
  Could man outlook that mark!
 -- Henry Vaughan (1621-1695)
 -- They are all gone
%%
 Dear Caller:  As I'm leaving you this message, the sun is
 shining for a change.  Little children are cavorting in the
 park, and their tasty mothers and teenage sisters are sunbathing
 practically nude.  So, did you really think I was going to stick
 around this dump?
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Dear common flower, that grow'st beside the way,
Fringing the dusty road with harmless gold.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- To the Dandelion
%%
"Dear Doctor Science: Back in B.C., when they
 counted the years backwards, did they count
 the months and days backwards, too?"
"Your ignorance appalls me."
 -- Duck's Breath Homemade Radio
%%
Dear Editor: I just read in your paper that a little old lady was bitten by
 a black widow spider when she picked up the paper off the front porch. This
 came as nothing short of a surprise to me. Not the fact that she was bitten
 by a black widow spider, mind you, but that the paper was on the front
 porch. A Subscriber....
%%
"Dear Emily --- BINGO!!"
 -- From STRAY TOASTERS
%%
Dear friend, all theory is gray,
And green the golden tree of life.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832), Faust
%%
Dear God: Enclosed please find Rube Goldberg. Now that you've got him, what
 are you going to do with him?
 -- Written on grave
%%
Dear God, make me a good boy, but it's all right with me if you'd
like to take your time about it.
%%
Dear Lord:
    I just want *one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear On
the other hand, again.
%%
Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee
for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no
doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable
of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human-
like compassion.  Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it.
Please give our respects to its family...
 -- Berke Breathed, Bloom Country Babylon
%%
Dear Lord Jesus, this can't be happenin' man, this isn't happenin...
 -- Hudson, "Aliens"
%%
Dear Lord, observe this bended knee
This visage meek and humble,
And hear this confidential plea
Voiced in reverent mumble:
        Give me Shylock, give me Fagin
        But O God spare me Ronald Reagan!
 -- Ansel Adams
%%
Dear Mary, We all knew you had it in you.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967),
 -- in a telegram sent after a much-publicized pregnancy
%%
Dear Melanie:
If I don't get that material for my new dress, it's curtains.
 -- Scarlett
%%
Dear Miss Manners --
Is it proper for a gentleman to compliment a lady on her tattoo?
SAYINGS
%%
Dear Miss Manners:
    My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
courses, is all right.  Which is correct?

Gentle Reader:
    For the purpose of answering examinations in your home
economics class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this
principle of education may be of even greater importance to you now
than learning correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners
believes that is.
%%
Dear Miss Manners: Please list some tactful ways of removing a man's
saliva from your face.
Gentle Reader: Please list some decent ways of acquiring a man's saliva
on your face ...
 -- Miss Manners
%%
DEAR MISS MANNERS -- When someone brings sweet rolls to work for a treat,
   is it proper for people to cut them up and leave halves, quarters or
   eighths on the plate?
 GENTLE READER -- Those who bring sweet rolls to work should not be quartered,
   much less eighthed. They are only being nice.
%%
Dear Mister Language Person: I am curious about the expression, Part
of this complete breakfast.    The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old
will be watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and they'll show a
commercial for a children's compressed breakfast compound such as
Froot Loops or Lucky Charms, and they always show it sitting on a
table next to some actual food such as eggs, and the announcer always
says: Part of this complete breakfast.        Don't that really mean,
Adjacent to this complete breakfast, or On the same table as this
complete breakfast?      And couldn't they make essentially the same claim
if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of shaving cream there, or a
dead bat?

Answer: Yes.
 -- Dave Barry, Tips for Writer's
%%
Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?

Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business
signs to alert the reader than an S is coming up at the end of a
word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
ANY ITEM'S.    Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when
creating hand- lettered small-business signs is that you should put
quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in TRY OUR HOT
DOG'S, or even TRY OUR HOT DOG'S.
 -- Dave Barry, Tips for Writer's
%%
Dear Mr. Fantasy, play us a tune,
 something to make us all happy.
 Do anything, take us out of this gloom.
 Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy.
%%
Dear Mr. President:  There are too many states.  Please eliminate three.  I am
 not a crackpot.
 -- Abraham "Grandpa" Simpson
%%
Dear Mr. Seldes:   I cannot remember the exact wording of the statement
to which you allude; but what I meant was that ... a man who calls
himself a 100% American and is proud of it, is generally 150% an idiot
politically.  But the designations may be good business for war
veterans.  Having bled for their country in 1861 and 1918, they have
bled it all they could consequently.  And why not?
 -- George Seldes, The Great Quotations
%%
Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka:  Words cannot express the deep
 personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was
 killed, wounded, or reported missing in action
 -- Joseph Heller, Catch-22
%%
Dear necrophiliacs
   We love you.
 -- The Grateful Dead
%%
Dear, never forget one little point: It's my business. You just work here.
 -- Elizabeth Arden (to her husband)
%%
Death aims with fouler spite
At fairer marks.
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
 -- Divine Poems (ed. 1669)
%%
Death, as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shall die. How
a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Death,--a stopping of impressions through the senses, and of the pulling
of the cords of motion, and of the ways of thought, and of service
to the flesh.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vi, 28
%%
Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast.
%%
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
 Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so.
 -- John Donne (1572-1631), "Death, be not proud"
%%
Death borders upon our birth, and our cradle stands in the grave.
 -- Bishop Hall (1574-1656)
 -- Epistles, Dec, iii, Ep, 2
%%
Death calls ye to the crowd of common men.
 -- James Shirley (1596-1666)
 -- Cupid and Death
%%
:death code: n. A routine whose job is to set everything in the
   computer -- registers, memory, flags, everything -- to zero,
   including that portion of memory where it is running; its last act
   is to stomp on its own "store zero" instruction.  Death code
   isn't very useful, but writing it is an interesting hacking
   challenge on architectures where the instruction set makes it
   possible, such as the PDP-8 (it has also been done on the DG Nova).

   Perhaps the ultimate death code is on the TI 990 series, where all
   registers are actually in RAM, and the instruction "store
   immediate 0" has the opcode "0". The PC will immediately wrap
   around core as many times as it can until a user hits HALT.  Any
   empty memory location is death code.  Worse, the manufacturer
   recommended use of this instruction in startup code (which would be
   in ROM and therefore survive).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Death comes to all, but great achievements build a monument which shall endure
until the sun grows cold.
 -- George Fabricius
%%
DEATH
  Death is the ending of life. But do we really know what death
  involves? No, of course not, that's a stupid question. Only a
  completely brainless nerk with an intellect the size of an atom
  would ask a question like that. But in fact, I have recently
  experienced a near-death experience, when I went to Ballarat. On an
  Easter weekend. During an opera festival. (Okay, so it wasn't
  recently except maybe in a universal cosmic historically vague
  sense).
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Death. Destruction.  Disease.  Horror.  That's what war is all
  about.  That's what makes it a thing to be avoided.
 -- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon," stardate 3193.0.
%%
Death doesn't care as long as you're punctual... and kind to cats.
%%
Death, doom and destruction loom... so have a nice day.
%%
Death forerunneth Love to win
"Sweetest eyes were ever seen."
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Catarina to Camoens, ix
%%
Death
Grinn'd horrible a ghastly smile, to hear
His famine should be fill'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 845
%%
Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory rats.
%%
Death hath a thousand doors to let out life.
 -- Philip Massinger (1584-1640)
 -- A Very Woman, Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Death hath so many doors to let out life.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Customs of the Country, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Death in itself is nothing; but we fear
To be we know not what, we know not where.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Aurengzebe, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Death is a comingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good
man, eternity is seen looking through time.
 -- Goethe
%%
Death is all in the mind.
Once you're dead you forget all about it.
 -- Jack Storey
%%
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
 -- J.J. Furnas
%%
Death is an acquired trait.
%%
Death is an eternal sleep.
 -- Joseph Fouche (1763-1820)
 -- Inscription placed by his orders on the Gates of the Cemeteries in 1794
%%
Death is an illusion.  Life is a hallucination.  Taxes are objective reality.
%%
Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
%%
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
%%
Death is hereditary.
%%
Death is just around the next door.
%%
Death is just the ultimate expression of radical solipsism.
%%
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
 -- R. Geis
%%
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
%%
Death is Nature's way of saying 'Howdy'.
%%
Death is Nature's way of telling you something's wrong.
%%
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
%%
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what
dies inside us while we live.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Electra, 1007
%%
Death is only a state of mind.

Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
%%
Death is something that he and I faced together on a number
of occasions. I always thought that his death and mine
might be linked in some way....
 -- Avon (on Blake)
%%
Death is that state in which one exists only in the memory of others.
  Which is why it is not an end.
 -- Yar, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
Death is the broom I take in my hands to sweep the world clean.
%%
Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last.
%%
Death is the one experience which we cannot put in perspective afterwards.
%%
Death? Life? I never did understand Zen.
%%
Death, like generation, is a secret of Nature.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 5
%%
Death loves a shining mark, a signal blow.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night v, Line 1011
%%
Death opens the gate of fame, and shuts the gate of envy after it; it unlooses
the chain of the captive, and puts the bondsman's task into another man's hand.
 -- Sterne
%%
Death (Other Than Your Own)-  is no excuse. If you can arrange
for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let
you off an hour early, provided all you work is up to date.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Death performs a little bow and goes back on guard.
%%
Death Professions
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 04
%%
Death rides on every passing breeze,
  He lurks in every flower.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- At a Funeral, No. i
%%
[ Death scene of Cyrano ]
It is coming... I feel
Already shod with marble... gloved with lead...
Let the old fellow come now! He shall find me
On my feet sword in hand [ He draws his sword. ]
I can see him there he grins
He is looking at my nose that skeleton
What's that you say? Hopeless? Why, very well!
But a man does not fight merely to win!
No no better to know one fights in vain! ...
You there Who are you? A hundred against one
I know them now, my ancient enemies
[ He lunges at the empty air. ]
Falsehood! ... There! There! Prejudice Compromise
Cowardice [ Thrusting ] What's that? No! Surrender? No!
Never never! ... Ah, you too, Vanity!
I know you would overthrow me in the end
No! I fight on! I fight on! I fight on!
 -- Edmond Rostand, spoken by Cyrano de Bergerac
%%
:Death Star: [from the movie "Star Wars"] 1. The AT&T
   corporate logo, which appears on computers sold by AT&T and bears
   an uncanny resemblance to the Death Star in the movie.  This usage
   is particularly common among partisans of {BSD} UNIX, who tend
   to regard the AT&T versions as inferior and AT&T as a bad guy.
   Copies still circulate of a poster printed by Mt. Xinu showing a
   starscape with a space fighter labeled 4.2 BSD streaking away from
   a broken AT&T logo wreathed in flames.  2. AT&T's internal
   magazine, "Focus", uses `death star' to describe an
   incorrectly done AT&T logo in which the inner circle in the top
   left is dark instead of light -- a frequent result of
   dark-on-light logo images.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Death: The penultimate commercial transaction finalized by probate.
 -- Bernard Rosenberg
%%
Death: The unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop.
%%
Death to all fanatics!
%%
 Death to intolerance.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Death to the fascist insects who suck the blood of the people!
%%
Death tugs at my ear and says: "Live, I am coming."
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
%%
Death, when unnecessary, is a tragic thing.
 -- Flint, "Requiem for Methuselah," stardate 5843.7.
%%
Death without pain is like a sundae without sprinkles.
%%
Debate politics with a fern. If you lose, refuse to water it.
%%
Debate raged and stormed, and a Study was formed,
And they might have been arguing yet,
But a solution was found: "Let's pass the hat 'round,
And see how much money we get."
A collection was made to accumulate aid,
And dwellers in byway and alley
Gave pounds, shillings and pence - not to furnish a fence
But an ambulance down in the valley.
%%
DEBAUCHEE, n.  One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has
had the misfortune to overtake it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
DEB     Disk Eject Both
%%
DEBT, n.  An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-
driver.

    As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet
    Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet,
    Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him,
    Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him;
    So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him,
    Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him,
    Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it,
    And finds at last he might as well have paid it.
                                                        Barlow S. Vode
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Debugger
 a tool that substitutes afterthought for forethought
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Debugger - de bloke dat sold us dis system.
%%
Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged
 about forever.
 -- button at the Boston Computer Museum
%%
Debug is human, de-fix divine.
%%
DEBUSSY, CLAUDE ACHILLE (1862-1918)
  French composer/performer. His confrontational politics and total
  scorn for the status quo led many to believe that this pioneering
  hardcore performer was the only punk act to be on a par with the
  Sex Pistols. Debussy's frenetic rave-ups offer little more than a
  cluttered cacophony of speed and noise.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
DEC achieved this by an aggresive design that uses a lower-than-usual
voltage (3.5V), unusually thick metal layers in a three-layer design,
and very high power consumption (30 watts---one DEC engineer, in
response to a question about whether this chip would be suitable for
palmtops, replied that it might be more suited for building a toaster
oven).
 -- Matthew Smosna and Robert B. K. Dewar, Analyzing
Alpha's Architecture, _Open_Systems_Today_

I see your point. And raise you a line
 -- Elliot Smorodinsky
%%
Decade Blending:
 In clothing: the indiscriminate combination of two or more
items from varios decades to create a personal mood: Sheila = Mary
Quant earrings (1960s) + cork wedgie platform shoes (1970s) + black
leather jacket (1950s and 1980s).
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Decadence - more than just a way of life.
%%
Decadent rodent, we will bury you.
 -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
Decaffeinated coffee?  Just Say No.
%%
Decaffeinated coffee?  Kinda like kissing your sister.
 -- Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
%%
:decay: [from nuclear physics] n.,vi. An automatic conversion which
   is applied to most array-valued expressions in {C}; they `decay
   into' pointer-valued expressions pointing to the array's first
   element.  This term is borderline techspeak, but is not used in the
   official standard for the language.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Decay, inherent in all component things.
 -- Buddha-last words
%%
DEC     Decompile Executable Code
%%
:dec: /dek/ v. Verbal (and only rarely written) shorthand for
   decrement, i.e. `decrease by one'.  Especially used by
   assembly programmers, as many assembly languages have a `dec'
   mnemonic.  Antonym: {inc}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Deceit in the conduct of war outweighs valor and is worthy of merit.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Deceive boys with toys, but men with oaths.
%%
Deceive the rich and powerful if you will, but don't insult them.
 -- Japanese Proverb
%%
Deception Experiment: An experiment in which the researcher is pleased
to believe that the true nature of the situation is unknown to the
participants. Typically the only parties deceived are the funding
agency and the journal editor.
%%
:DEChead: /dek'hed/ n. 1. A {DEC} {field servoid}.  Not flattering.
   2. [from `deadhead'] A Grateful Dead fan working at DEC.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Decide what you want to be- pay the price and be what you want to be.
 -- John A. Widstoe
%%
Deciding whom you marry is the most important decision you'll ever make.
%%
Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clean and straight; indecision
is a dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind it.
 -- Gordon Graham
%%
Decisionmaker, n.: The person in your office who was unable to form
a task force
before the music stopped.
%%
Decision of character is one of the most important of human qualities,
philosophically considered. Speculation, knowledge, is not the chief
end of man; it is action.
 -- Burnap
%%
Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really
overwhelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene
language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the
judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when
addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang).
 -- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing
            Assoc.
%%
Decisions terminate panic.
%%
Decker: "Of course...we all create God in our own image!"
 -- "ST:TMP", Stardate 1513.8.
%%
:deckle: /dek'l/ [from dec- and {nybble}; the original
   spelling seems to have been `decle'] n. Two {nickle}s;
   10 bits.  Reported among developers for Mattel's GI 1600 (the
   Intellivision games processor), a chip with 16-bit-wide RAM but
   10-bit-wide ROM.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
        Deck Us All With Boston Charlie

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower, alleygaroo!

Don't we know archaic barrel,
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou.
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
 -- Walt Kelly
%%
declare foo as pointer to function returning pointer to function
returning pointer to array 3 of pointer to function returning
pointer to array 4 of array 2 of pointer to pointer to function
returning pointer to array 5 of pointer to pointer to char
char **(*(**(*(*(*(*(*foo)())())[3])())[4][2])())[5]

To turn the above into a cast, remove the name `foo' and add ():

(char **(*(**(*(*(*(*(*)())())[3])())[4][2])())[5])
%%
:DEC: n. Digital Equipment Corporation.  Before the {killer
   micro} revolution of the late 1980s, hackerdom was closely
   symbiotic with DEC's pioneering timesharing machines.  The first of
   the group of cultures described by this lexicon nucleated around
   the PDP-1 (see {TMRC}.  Subsequently, the PDP-6, {PDP-10},
   {PDP-20}, PDP-11 and {VAX} were all foci of large and
   important hackerdoms, and DEC machines long dominated the ARPANET
   and Internet machine population.  DEC was the technological leader
   of the minicomputer era (roughly 1967 to 1987), but its failure to
   embrace microcomputers and UNIX early cost it heavily in profits
   and prestige after {silicon} got cheap.  However, the
   microprocessor design tradition owes a heavy debt to the PDP-11
   instruction set, and every one of the major general-purpose
   microcomputer OSs so far (CP/M, MS-DOS, UNIX, OS/2) were either
   genetically descended from a DEC OS, or incubated on DEC hardware,
   or both.  Accordingly, DEC is still regarded with a certain wry
   affection even among many hackers too young to have grown up on DEC
   machines.  The contrast with {IBM} is instructive.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Decouple - De man and him missus.
%%
Decreased business base increases overhead.
So does increased business base.
 -- Augustine's Law Number VII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
:DEC Wars: n. A 1983 {USENET} posting by Alan Hastings and Steve
   Tarr spoofing the "Star Wars" movies in hackish terms.  Some
   years later, ESR (disappointed by Hastings and Tarr's failure to
   exploit a great premise more thoroughly) posted a
   3-times-longer complete rewrite called "UNIX WARS"; the
   two are often confused.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:DED: /D-E-D/ n.  Dark-Emitting Diode (that is, a burned-out
   LED).  Compare {SED}, {LER}, {write-only memory}.  In the
   early 1970s both Signetics and Texas instruments released DED spec
   sheets as {AFJ}s (suggested uses included "as a power-off
   indicator").
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dedication is not what others expect of you, it is what you can give to others.
%%
Deeds, not stones, are the true monuments of the great.
 -- John L. Motley
%%
Deeds, not words.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Lover's Progress, Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Deem not life a thing of consequence. For look at the yawning void
of the future, and at that other limitless space, the past.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 50
%%
Deep calleth unto deep.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xlii, 7
%%
Deep down inside, I'm very outgoing.
 -- Anne Poncet-Montange
%%
Deep down, most everyone is fairly superficial.
%%
Deep down, you don't understand me.
%%
Deeper than did ever plummet sound
I 'll drown my book.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Deeper than e'er plummet sounded.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Deep in the nature of all these noble races there lurks unmistakably the beast
of prey, the blond beast, lustfully roving in search of booty and victory.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
Deep is a word like theory or semantic -- it implies all sorts of
marvelous things.        It's one thing to be able to say I've got a
theory, quite another to say I've got a semantic theory, but, ah,
those who can claim I've got a deep semantic theory, they are truly
blessed.
 -- Randy Davis
%%
:deep magic: [poss. from C. S. Lewis's "Narnia" books] n. An
   awesomely arcane technique central to a program or system, esp. one
   neither generally published nor available to hackers at large (compare
   {black art}); one that could only have been composed by a true
   {wizard}.  Compiler optimization techniques and many aspects of
   {OS} design used to be {deep magic}; many techniques in
   cryptography, signal processing, graphics, and AI still are.
   Compare {heavy wizardry}.  Esp. found in comments of the form
   "Deep magic begins here...".  Compare {voodoo programming}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:deep space: n. 1. Describes the notional location of any program
   that has gone {off the trolley}.  Esp. used of programs that
   just sit there silently grinding long after either failure or some
   output is expected.  "Uh oh.  I should have gotten a prompt ten
   seconds ago.  The program's in deep space somewhere." Compare
   {buzz}, {catatonic}, {hyperspace}.  2. The metaphorical
   location of a human so dazed and/or confused or caught up in some
   esoteric form of {bogosity} that he or she no longer responds
   coherently to normal communication.  Compare {page out}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Deep Space Nine:  The Third Coming of Star Trek
%%
Deep vers'd in books, and shallow in himself.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 327
%%
Defame, v.t.  To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Default:
De line west of which de state of california will float off to sea
at de next major quake.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Default is more revolutionary than ideals.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
default, n.:
  [Possibly from Black English De fault wid dis system is you,
mon.] The vain attempt to avoid errors by inactivity.    Nothing will
come of nothing: speak again. -- King Lear.
 -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, The Devil's DP Dictionary
%%
Defeated, but not dismayed- crushed to the earth, but not humiliated- he
seemed to grow more haughty beneath disaster, and to experience a
fierce satisfaction in draining the last dregs of bitterness.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
 -- Bill Musselman
%%
DEFENCELESS, adj.  Unable to attack.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
defending Anita Hill/accusing Paula Jones.
 -- Liberal hypocrisy
%%
Defending the truth is not something one does out of a sense of duty or to
allay guilt complexes, but is a reward in itself.
 -- Peter Bechmann
%%
Defend lifestyle by comparing self with animals.
 -- Liberal Rule # 8
%%
Defend your morality by Old Testament passages.
 -- Conservative Rule #8
%%
Defenestrate: to exit a window.
%%
:defenestration: [from the traditional Czechoslovakian method of
   assassinating prime ministers, via SF fandom] n. 1. Proper karmic
   retribution for an incorrigible punster.  "Oh, ghod, that was
   *awful*!"  "Quick! Defenestrate him!"  2. The act of
   exiting a window system in order to get better response time from a
   full-screen program.  This comes from the dictionary meaning of
   `defenestrate', which is to throw something out a window.  3. The
   act of discarding something under the assumption that it will
   improve matters.  "I don't have any disk space left."  "Well,
   why don't you defenestrate that 100 megs worth of old core dumps?"
   4. [proposed] The requirement to support a command-line interface.
   "It has to run on a VT100."  "Curses!  I've been
   defenestrated!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Defense network computers.  New, powerful.  Hooked into everything.
Trusted to run it all.    They say it got smart.  A new order of intelligence.
saw all humans a threat, not just the ones on the other side.  Decided
our fate in a microsecond.
%%
Defer not till to-morrow to be wise,
To-morrow's sun to thee may never rise.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- Letter to Cobham
%%
Deferring: solving a problem by ignoring it.
%%
#define BITCOUNT(x)     (((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255)
#define BX_(x)          ((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777)              \
                          - (((x)>>2)&0x33333333)                 \
                          - (((x)>>3)&0x11111111))
 -- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word
%%
:defined as: adj. In the role of, usually in an organization-chart
   sense.  "Pete is currently defined as bug prioritizer."  Compare
   {logical}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
#define _DISCLAIMER_ "I am solely responsible for what I say."
%%
#define PWD "Carlisle Barracks, PA"
%%
#define sysop GOD
#define reality NULL
%%
Define UNIVERSE; give two examples. The perceived world; 1) mine, 2) yours.
%%
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
 -- George F. Burns
%%
Define Your Terms Department: A slight tax increase ($ 300.00 per person).
 A Substantial Tax Cut ($ .30).
%%
Defining and analyzing humour is a pastime of humorless
people.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
Definitely, times have changed. If you flunk out of high school today, you
 will likely have to settle for being just Vice President.
%%
Definite maybe
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Definite possibility
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Definition of a hermaphrodite: a bisexual built for two.
 -- Jeff Daiell
%%
Definition of a prostitute - receiver of swollen goods.
%%
"Definition of mixed emotions: Finding out your
 ex-wife accepted a Kirby Award on your behalf in San Diego."
 -- Dave Sim
%%
Definition of Sys Admin:  "And when he came to the place where
     the wild things are they roared their terrible roars and
     gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes
     and showed their terrible claws till Max ... tamed them
     all with a magic trick..."
 -- Where the Wild Things Are, Sendak
%%
Definition of Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
%%
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
%%
DEGENERATE, adj.  Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors.
The contemporaries of Homer were striking examples of degeneracy; it
required ten of them to raise a rock or a riot that one of the heroes
of the Trojan war could have raised with ease.  Homer never tires of
sneering at "men who live in these degenerate days," which is perhaps
why they suffered him to beg his bread -- a marked instance of
returning good for evil, by the way, for if they had forbidden him he
would certainly have starved.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
DEGRADATION, n.  One of the stages of moral and social progress from
private station to political preferment.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
De gustibus non disputandum est.
%%
:dehose: /dee-hohz/ vt. To clear a {hosed} condition.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DEI     Disk Eject Immediate
%%
DEINOTHERIUM, n.  An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the
Pterodactyl was in fashion.  The latter was a native of Ireland, its
name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man
pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Deity... he's come for me
%%
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head
 like this before.
%%
Deja Vu: The feeling you've heard a joke before.

Deja Vu: The feeling you've heard a joke before.
%%
Dejeuner, n.  The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris.
Variously pronounced.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
De la peau de lion l'ane s'etant vetu
Etoit craint partout a la ronde.
(Dressed in the lion's skin, the ass spread terror far and wide.)
 -- Jean de la Fontaine (1621-1695)
%%
Delay always breeds danger.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. ii
%%
Delay is preferable to error.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
 -- Parkinson's Law of Delay
%%
Delays created while you wait.
%%
Delays have dangerous ends.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Delegates? The last time I saw something like that, it was being served
  on a plate.
 -- Lwaxana Troi about the Antedians, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
DELEGATION, n.  In American politics, an article of merchandise that
comes in sets.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
DELETE A FORTUNE!
Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?!  Wouldn't you like to see
some of them deleted from the system?  You can!  Just mail to "fortune" with
the fortune you hate most, and we MIGHT make sure it gets expunged.
%%
Delete any [movie] footage which includes the idea that war is
not altogether glamorous and noble.
 -- Joseph I. Breen (1890-?), film executive
%%
Deliberate provocation of mystical experience, particularly by LSD and related
hallucinogens, in contrast to spontaneous visionary experiences, entails
dangers that must not be underestimated. Practitioners must take into
account the peculiar effects of these substances, namely their ability to
influence our consciousness, the innermost essence of our being. The history of
LSD to date amply demonstrates the catastrophic consequences that can ensue
when its profound effect is misjudged and the substance is mistaken for a
pleasure drug. Special internal and external advance preparations are required;
with them, an LSD experiment can become a meaningful experience.
 -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
%%
Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which
side it is
buttered on.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Delight and amaze me!
%%
Delightful task! to rear the tender thought,
To teach the young idea how to shoot.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Spring, Line 1149
%%
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart...
%%
:delint: /dee-lint/ v. To modify code to remove problems detected
   when {lint}ing.  Confusingly, this process is also referred to
   as `linting' code.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Delivers in such apt and gracious words
That aged ears play truant at his tales,
And younger hearings are quite ravished;
So sweet and voluble is his discourse.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
 -- Noodle's Rule of Software Development
%%
'Delivery' is the wrong word to describe the childbearing process: Delivery is:
Here's your pizza. Takes thirty minutes or less.  'Exorcism,' I think,
 is more apt: Please! Get the hell out of my
%%
Del Mar: Where poverty is neither a philosophy nor a way of life.
%%
Delta: A real man lands where he wants to.
 -- David Letterman
%%
:delta: n. 1. [techspeak] A quantitative change, especially a small
   or incremental one (this use is general in physics and
   engineering).  "I just doubled the speed of my program!"  "What
   was the delta on program size?"  "About 30 percent."  (He
   doubled the speed of his program, but increased its size by only 30
   percent.)  2. [UNIX] A {diff}, especially a {diff} stored
   under the set of version-control tools called SCCS (Source Code
   Control System) or RCS (Revision Control System).  3. n. A small
   quantity, but not as small as {epsilon}.  The jargon usage of
   {delta} and {epsilon} stems from the traditional use of these
   letters in mathematics for very small numerical quantities,
   particularly in `epsilon-delta' proofs in limit theory (as in the
   differential calculus).  The term {delta} is often used, once
   {epsilon} has been mentioned, to mean a quantity that is
   slightly bigger than {epsilon} but still very small.  "The cost
   isn't epsilon, but it's delta" means that the cost isn't totally
   negligible, but it is nevertheless very small.  Common
   constructions include `within delta of ---', `within epsilon of
 -- --': that is, `close to' and `even closer to'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Delta: The kids will love our inflatable slides.
 -- David Letterman
%%
Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.
 -- David Letterman
%%
DELUGE, n.  A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away
the sins (and sinners) of the world.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
DELUSION, n.  The father of a most respectable family, comprising
Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many
other goodly sons and daughters.

    All hail, Delusion!  Were it not for thee
    The world turned topsy-turvy we should see;
    For Vice, respectable with cleanly fancies,
    Would fly abandoned Virtue's gross advances.
                                                        Mumfrey Mappel
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's
beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from
drowning them at birth.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
 -- Jane Wagner
%%
Demand the establishment of the government
in its rightful home at Disneyland.
%%
DEM     Disk Eject Memory
%%
:demented: adj. Yet another term of disgust used to describe a
   program.  The connotation in this case is that the program works as
   designed, but the design is bad.  Said, for example, of a program
   that generates large numbers of meaningless error messages,
   implying that it is on the brink of imminent collapse.  Compare
   {wonky}, {bozotic}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
 (Demented, screechy voice; occasional background screams:)
 Hello.  Thank you for calling Last Straw Chiropractic.  (Raspy
 gasp.)  We can't come to the phone right now because we're
 making a couple of adjustments.  (Break a few small twigs; big
 scream.)  Please leave your name and number and we'll get back
 to you as soon as it is humanly possible.  Thank you very much.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
:demigod: n. A hacker with years of experience, a national reputation,
   and a major role in the development of at least one design, tool,
   or game used by or known to more than half of the hacker community.
   To qualify as a genuine demigod, the person must recognizably
   identify with the hacker community and have helped shape it.  Major
   demigods include Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie (co-inventors of
   {{UNIX}} and {C}) and Richard M. Stallman (inventor of
   {EMACS}).  In their hearts of hearts, most hackers dream of
   someday becoming demigods themselves, and more than one major
   software project has been driven to completion by the author's
   veiled hopes of apotheosis.  See also {net.god}, {true-hacker}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Demo:
 A method of program testing that tends to isolate numerous
 non-reproducible program behaviors. Fixing said abnormalities is
 difficult because they only appear when the debugging software is not
 loaded, and when severeal potential buyers are watching.
%%
Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a
Communist politician is through, he is through.
%%
Democracy can withstand anything but democrates.
 -- J. Harshaw  1904 -
%%
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees
equality of opportunity.
 -- Irving Kristol
%%
Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
 we deserve.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what
the country could do under first-class management.
 -- Senator Soaper
%%
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
In democracy, what you get generally
is bad government by a bully, tempered by the pen of several newspaper
editors.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
 -- Man and Superman (1903) Maxims for Revolutionists: Democracy
%%
Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you
 don't think.
%%
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the
man who will get the blame.
 -- Laurence Peter
%%
Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser
than one  man. How's that again?  I missed something.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Democracy is based on the theorem that many men are smarter than one.
%%
Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.
%%
Democracy is, by the nature of it, a self-cancelling business: and
gives in the long run a net result of zero.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
 -- Chartism (1839)
%%
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
%%
Democracy is good.  I say this because other systems are worse.
 -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
Democracy is government by the people with open discussion and free speech.
 This allows those with no ideas to unload their thinking in the most
 tedious and lengthy manner. After this, a vote is taken, and the least
 informed will oppose the most confused. The result, inevitably, will be
 known as model legislation. In time, it will proliferate, and eventually a
 commission will be formed to review what has been done and why it isn't
 working and it will recommend reforms of the previous efforts. All of this
 will be published in various government journals and cause great debate.
 There will be a veritable waterfall of newspaper editorials and Johnny
 Carson will use the whole thing as a part of his monologue. In the end, the
 reforms will be defeated.
%%
Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.
%%
Democracy is more cruel than wars or tyrants.
 -- Seneca, Epistulae morales ad Lucilium CIV, c. 63
%%
Democracy is not a matter of sentiment, but of foresight. Any system that
doesn't take the long run into account will burn itself out in the short run.
 -- Charles Yost
%%
... democracy is not something you believe in, or a place you hang your hat,
 but it's something you do.  You participate.  If you stop doing it,
 democracy crumbles and falls apart.
 -- Abby Hoffman
%%
Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the
majority deserves.
 -- James Dale Davidson
%%
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the
people.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.
 -- Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet
%%
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of
the people are right more than half of the time.
 -- E. B. White
%%
Democracy is the theory that the people
know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Democracy is too good to share with just anybody.
%%
Democracy is wonderful and everyone wants it. You get to say anything you
 like to anyone you chose, as long as you wish. Then you do what you are
 told and pay the price that is demanded. Taxes are the oil that keeps
 democracy rolling without a squeak.
%%
Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means
government by the badly educated.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for
the people.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who
 doesn't grow up can be vice president.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
Democracy, n.:
A government of the masses.  Authority derived through mass
meeting or any other form of direct expression.  Results in mobocracy.
Attitude toward property is communistic... negating property rights.
Attitude toward law is that the will of the majority shall regulate,
whether it is based upon deliberation or governed by passion,
prejudice, and impulse, without restraint or regard to consequences.
Result is demagogism, license, agitation, discontent, anarchy.
 -- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932), since withdrawn.
%%
Democracy rules 40% OK, 45% NO, 15% Don't know.
%%
Democracy takes time.  Dictatorship is quicker, but too many people get shot.
 -- From the excellent Channel 4 production,
              "A Very British Coup"
%%
Democracy, which is a charming form of government, full of variety and
disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequals alike.
 -- Plato, The Republic. Book VIII. 558
%%
Democratic Vice-Presidential candidate Lloyd
 Bentson today said that he would now return to his
 old job as the Grandfather Clock on the Captain
 Kangaroo show.
 -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update
%%
Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
%%
Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
%%
Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans
wear theirs.
%%
Democrats keep trying to cut down on their smoking but are not successful.
Neither are Republicans.
%%
Democrats make up plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the
    plans their grandfathers made.
 -- Paul Dickson
%%
Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures,
politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after
their parents or grandparents, depending on where the money is.
%%
Democritus said, words are but the shadows of actions.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
Democritus says, "But we know nothing really; for truth lies deep down."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pyrrho, viii
%%
:demo: /de'moh/ [short for `demonstration'] 1. v. To
   demonstrate a product or prototype.  A far more effective way of
   inducing bugs to manifest than any number of {test} runs,
   especially when important people are watching.  2. n. The act of
   demoing.  "I've gotta give a demo of the drool-proof interface;
   how does it work again?"  3. n. Esp. as `demo version', can
   refer either to an early, barely-functional version of a program
   which can be used for demonstration purposes as long as the
   operator uses *exactly* the right commands and skirts its numerous
   bugs, deficiencies, and unimplemented portions, or to a special
   version of a program (frequently with some features crippled) which
   is distributed at little or no cost to the user for enticement
   purposes.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board.  Especially with  those 14 year-old Valley girls.
%%
:demo mode: [Sun] n. 1. The state of being {heads down} in order
   to finish code in time for a {demo}, usually due yesterday.
   2. A mode in which video games sit by themselves running through a
   portion of the game, also known as `attract mode'.  Some serious
   {app}s have a demo mode they use as a screen saver, or may go
   through a demo mode on startup (for example, the Microsoft Windows
   opening screen -- which lets you impress your neighbors without
   actually having to put up with {Microsloth Windows}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:demon: n. 1. [MIT] A portion of a program that is not invoked
   explicitly, but that lies dormant waiting for some condition(s) to
   occur.  See {daemon}.  The distinction is that demons are
   usually processes within a program, while daemons are usually
   programs running on an operating system.  2. [outside MIT] Often used
   equivalently to {daemon} --- especially in the {{UNIX}} world,
   where the latter spelling and pronunciation is considered mildly
   archaic.

   Demons in sense 1 are particularly common in AI programs.  For
   example, a knowledge-manipulation program might implement inference
   rules as demons.  Whenever a new piece of knowledge was added,
   various demons would activate (which demons depends on the
   particular piece of data) and would create additional pieces of
   knowledge by applying their respective inference rules to the
   original piece.  These new pieces could in turn activate more
   demons as the inferences filtered down through chains of logic.
   Meanwhile, the main program could continue with whatever its
   primary task was.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
%%
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Demonstrating once again the importance of the lowly comma,
this telegram was sent from a wife to her husband:
"NOT GETTING ANY, BETTER COME HOME AT ONCE."
%%
Demonstrations always crash--the probability of them
crashing goes up exponentially with the number of people
watching.
%%
DeMorgan Rules!
%%
Demosthenes: Demosthenes can do is bend and hold the legs together.
 -- Alexander Woollcott
%%
Demosthenes overcame and rendered more distinct his inarticulate and
stammering pronunciation by speaking with pebbles in his mouth.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Demosthenes
%%
Demosthenes told Phocion, "The Athenians will kill you some day when
they once are in a rage." "And you," said he, "if they are once in
their senses."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Phocion
%%
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Denial -      I'll be f%*ked if I did.
 -- The everyday versatility of the "F" word
%%
Denis Leary is god.  This is from his song Asshole, a great artistic work IMHO.
He just busts into this in the middle of the song.  It's from memory but I
know it's almost exact.
%%
... denn da ist keine Stelle,
die dich nicht sieht. Du musst dein Leben andern.
(... for there is no place
that does not see you. You must change your life.)
 -- Rainer Maria Rilke, "Archaic Torso of Apollo"
%%
Dennis, Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo,
Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida,
Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina,
Lily, Arne, Betty, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl,
Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden,
Noel, and Ellen sinned.
%%
DENNIS: Oh, very nice. King, eh!  I expect you've got a palace and fine
        clothes and courtiers and plenty of food.  And how d'you get that?  By
        exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma
        which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our society!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
DENNIS: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some
        watery tart threw a sword at you!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Dental offices run on Tandy.
%%
DENTIST, n.  A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth,
pulls coins out of your pocket.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that
require a simple yes or no answer.
 -- Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery
%%
Deodorants are dangerous, man. Ever read on deodorant cans: "Caution,
 Contents Highly Inflammable. May Explode." I don't know about you people,
 but I don't want nothin' under my arm that's gonna explode!
 -- Richard Pryor
%%
Deoxyribonucleic acid is an anagram for
I'd barely code Unix 'cc' I/O
%%
Department meeting in 3 minutes.
%%
:depeditate: /dee-ped'*-tayt/ [by (faulty) analogy with
   `decapitate'] vt.  Humorously, to cut off the feet of.  When one is
   using some computer-aided typesetting tools, careless placement of
   text blocks within a page or above a rule can result in chopped-off
   letter descenders.  Such letters are said to have been depeditated.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DEPENDENT, adj.  Reliant upon another's generosity for the support
which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Depend not on fortune, but on conduct.
 -- Publius Syrus
%%
Depend on no man, on no friend, but him who can depend on himself.
He only who acts conscientiously towards himself will act so towards
others, and vice versa.
 -- Lavater
%%
:deprecated: adj. Said of a program or feature that is considered
   obsolescent and in the process of being phased out, usually in
   favor of a specified replacement.  Deprecated features can,
   unfortunately, linger on for many years.  This term appears with
   distressing frequency in standards documents when the committees
   writing the documents realize that large amounts of extant (and
   presumably happily working) code depend on the feature(s) that have
   passed out of favor.  See also {dusty deck}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
%%
Deprived of sight, unable to read, this is perhaps the greatest loss to the
 blind person. I'm blind, but I am able to read thanks to a wonderful new
 system known as broil. I'm sorry--I'll just feel that again ...
 -- Peter Cook
%%
Der christliche Entschluss, die Welt h\"asslich und schlecht zu
finden, hat die Walt h\"asslich und schlecht gemacht.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche, Die fr\"oliche Wissenschaft
(The Christian determination to find the word hideous and bad, has
made the world hideous and bad.)
%%
De-regulating S&Ls won't cost taxpayers $$$$$.
 -- Conservative idea #5
%%
:de-rezz: /dee-rez'/ [from `de-resolve' via the movie
   "Tron"] (also `derez') 1. vi. To disappear or dissolve; the
   image that goes with it is of an object breaking up into raster
   lines and static and then dissolving.  Occasionally used of a
   person who seems to have suddenly `fuzzed out' mentally rather than
   physically.  Usage: extremely silly, also rare.  This verb was
   actually invented as *fictional* hacker jargon, and adopted in
   a spirit of irony by real hackers years after the fact.  2. vt. The
   Macintosh resource decompiler.  On a Macintosh, many program
   structures (including the code itself) are managed in small
   segments of the program file known as `resources'; `Rez' and
   `DeRez' are a pair of utilities for compiling and decompiling
   resource files.  Thus, decompiling a resource is `derezzing'.
   Usage: very common.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Der Gedanke an den Selbstmord ist ein starkes Trostmittel.
%%
Derision -    He f%*ks everything up!
 -- The everyday versatility of the "F" word
%%
Derision Preemption:
 A life-style tactic; the refusal to go out on any sort of
emotional limb so as to avoid mockery from peers. Derision Preemption
is the main goal of Knee-Jerk Irony.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Deriving sustenance from emotion is not unknown in the galaxy.  And fear
  is among the strongest and most violent of the emotions.
 -- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold," stardate 3615.4.
%%
Descartes thought an animal, that couldn't talk,
couldn't think, or so he taught, but to summise,
my cat thinks otherwise.
%%
Descartes thought he was here.
%%
Descended from apes!
My dear, let us hope that it is not true, but if it is,
let us pray that it will not become generally known.
 -- wife of the Bishop of Worcester
%%
Descend in order to meet more decent monsters.
%%
Describe a circle, stroke its back and it turns vicious.
 -- Ionesco
%%
DES     Disk Eject Swapped
%%
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
:deserves to lose: adj. Said of someone who willfully does the
   {Wrong Thing}; humorously, if one uses a feature known to be
   {marginal}.  What is meant is that one deserves the consequences
   of one's {losing} actions.  "Boy, anyone who tries to use
   {mess-dos} deserves to {lose}!" ({{ITS}} fans used to say
   the same thing of {{UNIX}}; many still do.)  See also {screw},
   {chomp}, {bagbiter}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Designed with your mind in mind by people who have in mind what you should
have in mind.
%%
Design flaws travel in groups.
%%
Design review
 a process for ensuring you know exactly what it is you won't build
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
DESIGN SIMPLICITY .......... Developed on a shoe string budget
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Design
 the activity of preparing for a design review
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Design: What you regret not doing later on.
%%
...desire cracks open the gates.  If you're ready it will take you
through.  But nothing lasts forever, time is the destroyer, the wheel
turns again and again, watch out it will take you through.
 -- Starhawk
%%
[Desire] is a perpetual rack, or horsemill, according to Austin, still
going round as in a ring.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 11
%%
:desk check: n.,v. To {grovel} over hardcopy of source code,
   mentally simulating the control flow; a method of catching bugs.
   No longer common practice in this age of on-screen editing, fast
   compiles, and sophisticated debuggers --- though some maintain
   stoutly that it ought to be.  Compare {eyeball search},
   {vdiff}, {vgrep}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Desk-top publishing: A system of software and hardware enabling users to
create documents with a cornucopia of typefaces and graphics and the
intellectual content of a Formica slab.
 -- Stephen Manes
%%
Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground.
 You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just keeps right on going, clear
 across a field, until you come to a bunch of guys who are burying the cable.
 Then just walk up to them and go, "Hey, have you seen Fred?" And they'll say,
 "Fred who?"  And you say, "Fred of snakes?"  Then cover your ears, because big
 laughs are coming.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Despatch is the soul of business.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Feb, 5, 1750
%%
Desperation is a highly emotional state of mind.
 -- Kirk, "The Galileo Seven," stardate 2822.3.
%%
:despew: /d*-spyoo'/ [USENET] v. To automatically generate a
   large amount of garbage to the net, esp. from an automated posting
   program gone wild.  See {ARMM}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Despise not any man, and do not spurn any thing. For there is no man
that hath not his hour, no is there any thing that hath not its place.
 -- Rabbi Ben Azai
%%
Despising machines to a man,
The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
   And ride out by night
 In a sheeting of white
To lynch all the robots they can.
 -- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
%%
"Despite its suffix, skepticism is not an "ism" in the sense of a belief
or dogma.  It is simply an approach to the problem of telling what is
counterfeit and what is genuine.  And a recognition of how costly it may
be to fail to do so.  To be a skeptic is to cultivate "street smarts" in
the battle for control of one's own mind, one's own money, one'w own
allegiances.  To be a skeptic, in short, is to refuse to be a victim.
 -- Robert S. DeBear, "An Agenda for Reason, Realism, and Responsibility,"
 -- New York Skeptic
 -- (newsletter of the New York Area Skeptics, Inc.), Spring 1988
%%
Despite the fact that meat is made from dead animals ... almost all
 varieties of meat are good enough to be better than vegetables, except
 veal. Veal is very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute
 but boring and expensive ...

 Poultry is like meat, except when you cook it rare. Then it's like
 bird-flavored Jell-O.

 Fish--you have to wonder about a food that everybody agrees is great except
 that sometimes it tastes like what it is ...

 Most vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their
 children. A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let
 fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussels sprouts never do.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Despite the many repetitions, there seems to be very little basis for the
 rumor that the Moral Majority was at the heart of the international heroin
 market. However, there is a bit more ground for the suggestion that the
 founder, Jerry Falwell, is "on something."
%%
Despots govern by terror. They know that he who fears God fears nothing
else; and, therefore, they eradicate from the mind, through their
Voltaire, the Heloetius, and the rest of that infamous gang, that
only sort of fear that generates true courage.
 -- Burke
%%
DESQview: Better windows.
%%
DESQview: Faster than a Cray (running Windows).
%%
Dessert? I'll take a piece of cherry c.
%%
Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will
be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over
the table.
 -- The Anarchist Cookbook
%%
Destiny is no matter of chance.
It is a matter of choiche:
It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
 -- William Jennings Bryan
%%
Destiny makes relatives; selection makes friends.
%%
DESTINY, n.  A tyrant's authority for crime and fool's excuse for
failure.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Destroy everything!
 -- Pirate Captain, The Pirate Planet
%%
Destroy his fib or sophistry--in vain!
The creature 's at his dirty work again.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 91
%%
Destroying property is sometimes a good way to save lives.
 -- Mary Meehan, Anti-Choice Columnist, The National Catholic Register,
        about abortion clinic violence, 10/12/86, as quoted in The Far
     Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
Destroy the thief, my pets!
%%
Destructive Testing Systems   You make it   We break it
Guaranteed!
%%
Detach the saucer, Data. Don't spill the tea.
%%
Details 20 minutes from now on Action Central News, kids.
%%
Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in
the same cold and unemotional manner.  You have attempted to tinge it with
romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story
or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "Sherlock Holmes: The Sign of Four"
%%
Deteriorata: Go placidly amid the noise and waste and remember what comfort
 there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons
 unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of
 those greater than yourself and heed well their advice, even though they be
 turkeys; know what to kiss and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a
 right but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be
 comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment and despite
 the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer
 maintenance ... Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
 would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick
 to your face ... Reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could
 only be worse in Milwaukee. You are a fluke of the universe; you have no
 right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the universe is
 laughing behind your back. Therefore make peace with your God whatever you
 conceive him to be--Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin. With all its hopes,
 dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate.
 Give up.
 -- Tony Hendra
%%
DETERMINATION
The race is not always to the
swift, but to those who keep on running.
%%
Deterministic Chaotic Physicist
%%
DE:  The Soviets seem to have difficulty implementing modern technology.
     Would you comment on that?
Belenko:  Well, let's talk about aircraft engine lifetime.  When I flew the
   MiG-25, its engines had a total lifetime of 250 hours.
DE:  Is that mean-time-between-failure?
Belenko:  No, the engine is finished; it is scrapped.
DE:  You mean they pull it out and throw it away, not even overhauling it?
Belenko:  That is correct.  Overhaul is too expensive.
DE:  That is absurdly low by free world standards.
Belenko:  I know.
 -- an interview with Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
 -- "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 102
%%
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
%%
Detroit is Cleveland without all the glitter.
%%
Detroit made a grand try at persuading the visiting Republicans that
the city is not as crime-ridden as people think. The campaign was
going fine until somebody stole the governor's Lincoln Mark IV limousine.
 -- National Review
%%
Detroit:  Where the weak are killed and eaten.
%%
dev = 0x%x, block = %d, fs = %s
%%
dev = 0x%x, ino = %d, fs = %s
%%
Develop a close, personal hatred for chlorine.  It's bad enough
having to drink it; imagine having to *live* in it.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Develop a passion for learning.  If you do, you will never cease to grow.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%

  Developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Obedience Training, DOGO
heralds a new era of computer-literate pets.  DOGO commands include SIT,
STAY, HEEL, and ROLL OVER.  An innovative feature of DOGO is "puppy
graphics", a small cocker spaniel that occasionally leaves a deposit as
he travels across the screen.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #17 -- DOGO
%%
Develop no anxiety concerning those things which are not yet, nor those
 things which were but are no longer.
%%
DEVICEHIGH: Your device driver on drugs.
%%
Device:
Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
device not ready
%%
DEVIL
  A popular character in mythology, commonly blamed by Christians for
  everything from plagues to burnt toast. Of course, if the devil
  ever actually appeared, it would scare these people shitless.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:Devil Book: n. "The Design and Implementation of the 4.3BSD
   UNIX Operating System", by Samuel J. Leffler, Marshall Kirk
   McKusick, Michael J. Karels, and John S. Quarterman (Addison-Wesley
   Publishers, 1989, ISBN 0-201-06196-1) --- the standard reference
   book on the internals of {BSD} UNIX.  So called because the
   cover has a picture depicting a little devil (a visual play on
   {daemon}) in sneakers, holding a pitchfork (referring to one of
   the characteristic features of UNIX, the `fork(2)' system
   call).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Devils can be driven out of the heart by the touch of a hand on a
hand, or a mouth on a mouth.
 -- Tennessee Williams
%%
Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
:/dev/null: /dev-nuhl/ [from the UNIX null device, used as a data
   sink] n. A notional `black hole' in any information space being
   discussed, used, or referred to.  A controversial posting, for
   example, might end "Kudos to rasputin@kremlin.org, flames to
   /dev/null".  See {bit bucket}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:devo: /dee'voh/ [orig. in-house jargon at Symbolics] n. A person in a
   development group.  See also {doco} and {mango}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DEWEY, MELVIL (1851-1931)
  American librarian who invented the Dewey Decimal system for
  categorising books in libraries. Unfortunately, he died long before
  the widespread use of computers, meaning that all the zillions of
  books on this subject have to be squashed into 001.64
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines on them and makes them perspire.
%%
Dexterity allows you to carry more.
%%
DHTPL   Disk Head Three Point Landing
%%
DIA     Develop Ineffective Address
%%
Diagnosis is like diarrhea, except that you get it in your gnosis instead
of your rear.
 -- "Punch"
%%
DIAGNOSIS, n.  A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's
pulse and purse.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Diagnostics can best be understood in the context of the source code.
%%
Diagnostic: software which runs to completion no matter how broken
the hardware is.
%%
diagnostic -- what you say to an agnostic you really dislike.
%%
Dial-a-Prayer hung up on me.
 -- Jackie Vernon
%%
Dialogue: opposing factions discussing relevant issues. Formerly
called an argument.
 -- Paul Sweeney
%%
Diana's foresters, gentlemen of the shade, minions of the moon.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Diane, it struck me again earlier in this morning. There are two things
    that continue to trouble me and I'm speaking now not only as an agent of
  the bureau, but also as a human being:  What really went on between Marilyn
  Monroe and the Kennedys?  And who really pulled the trigger on JFK?
 -- Special Agent Dale Cooper, from Twin Peaks
%%
diaper seat: article of climbing used by novices who are still learning
self-control.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
DIAPHRAGM, n.  A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest
from disorders of the bowels.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans.
%%
DIARY, n.  A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can
relate to himself without blushing.

    Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ
    All that he had of wisdom and of wit.
    So the Recording Angel, when Hearst died,
    Erased all entries of his own and cried:
    "I'll judge you by your diary."  Said Hearst:
    "Thank you; 'twill show you I am Saint the First" --
    Straightway producing, jubilant and proud,
    That record from a pocket in his shroud.
    The Angel slowly turned the pages o'er,
    Each stupid line of which he knew before,
    Glooming and gleaming as by turns he hit
    On Shallow sentiment and stolen wit;
    Then gravely closed the book and gave it back.
    "My friend, you've wandered from your proper track:
    You'd never be content this side the tomb --
    For big ideas Heaven has little room,
    And Hell's no latitude for making mirth,"
    He said, and kicked the fellow back to earth.
                                                 "The Mad Philosopher"
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Dick [Cheney] and I have something in common.  That is that we both
overmarried.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle.
%%
DICKHEAD
  A close relative of the penis brain, dickheads can be found in all
  the major centres of the universe, doing really irritating and
  stupid things. The term "Dickhead" was coined by explorer Sir Jimmy
  Criquet, who had visited the island of Dikhedos, just off Greece.
  There lives a race of people who spend their entire days getting in
  people's way on footpaths, driving in tram lanes, writing articles
  for the Melbourne Agenda, raising money for the IRA and/or Ulster
  Freedom Fighters, voting in support of French Farmers, evicting
  people one week late with rent, etc etc etc.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Dick:  I lost your number....
Lucy:  I work at the sheriff's office!  You could have dialed 911!
 -- Dick Tremayne & Lucy Moran, _Twin Peaks_
%%
:dickless workstation: n. Extremely pejorative hackerism for
   `diskless workstation', a class of botches including the Sun 3/50
   and other machines designed exclusively to network with an
   expensive central disk server.  These combine all the disadvantages
   of time-sharing with all the disadvantages of distributed personal
   computers; typically, they cannot even {boot} themselves without
   help (in the form of some kind of {breath-of-life packet}) from
   the server.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Dick... YOU'RE FIRED!"
*POW* *POW* *POW*
 -- The kind of executive order that REALLY results in termination.
 -- from ROBOCOP
%%
DICTATOR, n.  The chief of a nation that prefers the pestilence of
despotism to the plague of anarchy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount.
And the tigers are getting hungry.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
 -- While England Slept (1936)
%%
DICTIONARY
  A book, generally in alphabetical order, which lists the
  definitions of a number of words. It is often postulated that
  persons who are unfamiliar with the spellings of words should refer
  to dictionaries. This is of course bullshit, 'cos if you don't know
  how the word's spelt, how are you going to find it? The people that
  make this sort of suggestion are probably child-molesting Osmond
  fans who enjoy anal sex with kangaroos in the corridors of mental
  hospitals...
      I'm sorry. But it's been bothering me lately.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:dictionary flame: [USENET] n. An attempt to sidetrack a debate
   away from issues by insisting on meanings for key terms that
   presuppose a desired conclusion or smuggle in an implicit premise.
   A common tactic of people who prefer argument over definitions to
   disputes about reality.  Compare {spelling flame}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DICTIONARY, n.  A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth
of a language and making it hard and inelastic.  This dictionary,
however, is a most useful work.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Dictynna, goodman Dull.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations
 in a MALIBU HOT TUB?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
%%
:diddle: 1. vt. To work with or modify in a not particularly
   serious manner.  "I diddled a copy of {ADVENT} so it didn't
   double-space all the time."  "Let's diddle this piece of code and
   see if the problem goes away."  See {tweak} and {twiddle}.
   2. n. The action or result of diddling.  See also {tweak},
   {twiddle}, {frob}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
No.
What was he doing with the dog's ears?
Picking them up in the air.
Where was the dog at this time?
Attached to the ears.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Did I do an INCORRECT THING??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
DIDI...  is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Did I Really ....?"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Did I say 2?  I lied.
%%
Did I say I was a sardine?  Or a bus???
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Did I SELL OUT yet??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Didja think one tool would change the world? We're a symbol -- the
 whole Star Key experiment... we're a walkin' allegory!"
  "Oh, yeah?  An allegory of what?"
"Of a good guy doin' a good job, no matter what it takes!"
 -- Flyin' Ryan and Steelgrip Starkey
%%
Didling (participial vb.)
 The process of trying to work out who did it when reading a whodunnit,
 and keeping your options open so that when you find out you can allow
 yourself to think that you knew perfectly well who it was all along.
%%
Did not Jupiter transforme himselfe into the shape of Amphitrio to
embrace Alcmaena; into the form of a swan to enjoy Leda; into a Bull
to beguile Io; into a showre of gold to win Danae?
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 93
%%
Did not our heart burn within us while he talked with us?
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xxiv, 32
%%
Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Didn't mean to offend you.
You didn't, yet.
 -- Ensign Mendon and Worf, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
Didn't twenty-five years of Dr. Who teach you not
to trust names like INTEL and ZILOG?
%%
Didn't you hear?  Commentary and Dissent merged and became Dissentary.
 -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%%
Didn't your parents have any kids that lived???
%%
Did Qmodem originate in the Q continuum?
%%
Did someone put itching powder in your armor?
%%
Didst thou never hear
That things ill got had ever bad success?
And happy always was it for that son
Whose father for his hoarding went to hell?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Did the Devil really create the world when God wasn't looking?
%%
Did therewith bury in oblivion.
 -- William Browne (1590-1645)
 -- Britannia's Pastorals, Book ii, Song 2
%%
Did they steal your brain, too?
 -- Charles Furnell to Syndi, "No Brain, No Pain", Eerie Indiana
%%
Did thrust as now in others' corn his sickle.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Second Day, Part ii
%%
Did U arrest the 85 yr old lady or just beat her up.
     We just slapped her around a bit... she's getting m/t [medical treatment]
      right now.
 -- LAPD squad-car computer messages, as quoted in the Christopher Report, 7/91
%%
Did you all know that there is five constipated men in the bible?

 1)   Caine, he wasn't able
 2)  Moses, he took the tablets
 3)  Solomon, he sat for fourty days
 4)  Samson, he brought the house down
 5)  Baalam, he couldn't move his ass.
%%
Did you ever cast a spell? [yn]
 Did it work? [yn]
Sure it did.
%%
Did you ever feel like the whole world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of
 brown shoes?
 -- George Gobel
%%
Did you ever feel that you were a typewriter, while everyone else in the world
 was a wordprocessor?
%%
Did you ever have one of those days when you just couldn't get rid of a bomb?
 -- Batman, "Batman" TV series
%%
Did you ever have one of those nights where you didn't want to go out ...
 but your hair looked too good to stay home?
 -- Jack Simmons
%%
Did you ever hear of Captain Wattle?
He was all for love, and a little for the bottle.
 -- Charles Dibdin (1745-1814)
 -- Captain Wattle and Miss Roe
%%
Did you ever hear Of the frolic fairies dear? They're a blessed little race,
Peeping up in fancy's face, In the valley, on the hill, By the fountain and
the rill; Laughing out between the leaves That the loving summer weaves.
 -- Mrs. Osgood
%%
Did you ever hear someone say this: "It was more fun than a barrel of
 monkeys"? Did you ever smell a barrel of monkeys?
 -- Steve Bluestein
%%
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But
 when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
 -- Steve Bluestein
%%
Did you ever realize that Peter O'Toole has a double-phallic name?
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Did you ever think as a hearse goes by,
 That you might beeee the next to die.
 They wrap you up in a nice clean sheet,
 And throw you in about 6 feet deep.
 Then all goes well for about a week,
 Until the coffin begins to leak.
 The worms crawl in..
 The worms crawl out..
 In your stomach and out your mouth..
 They eat your fingers,
 They eat your toes..
 They eat the boogers right out of your nose...
%%
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you
 walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
 -- Sue Murphy
%%
Did you exchange a walk-on part in the world for a lead role in a cage?
 -- David Gilmour
%%
Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Did you hear about the cannibal who loved children?
 He just adored the platter of little feet...
%%
Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.
%%
Did you hear about the dislexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night
 wondering if there really is a Dog?
%%
Did you hear about the earthquake committee meeting that was adjourned
by a motion from the floor?
%%
Did you hear about the <ethnic> that went to the airport?
Saw a sign that said 'Airport Left', so he turned around and went home.
%%
Did you hear about the guy who died from snorting saccharine?
Yeah, he thought it was diet coke.
%%
Did you hear about the Len Bias Memorial Basketball League?
It's for guys six feet and under.
%%
Did you hear about the logician who got a kidney stone from too much dirty
dancing?  It was diagnosed as a lambada calculus.
%%
Did you hear about the midget who was running away from the Prague Police?
He ran up to a house, knocked on the door and asked the woman who
   opened the door if she would cache a small Czech.
%%
Did you hear about the new building demolition company?
They call themselves "Ediface Wrecks".
%%
Did you hear about the new German microwave oven?

           ... Seats 500.
%%
Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson commercial?
 In 6 years I'm going to Disneyworld!
%%
Did you hear about the new resturant on the moon?
Nice setting, but not a lot of atmosphere.
%%
Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins?  He baptized
one and kept the other as a control.
%%
Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town
and was given a ticket for making a ewe turn?
%%
Did you hear about the snail that was mugged by two tortoises?
When he went down to report the mugging the police officer asked him
if he could describe the event and the snail replied, "I don't know
if I could, it happened so fast."
%%
Did you hear about the unitarian branch of the Ku Klux Klan?
They go around burning question-marks on people's lawns.
%%
Did you hear that Sinead O'Connor is coming out with a
new shampoo?

It's a roll-on.
%%
Did you hear that the Dutch government gave Quayle 12 rare
   Rembrandt etchings?
He's already got four of them colored in.
%%
Did you hear that Woody Allen's girlfriend is pregnant with his next
girlfriend?
%%
Did you hear the joke about the moron who kept saying no? Did you hear the
 joke about the moron who kept saying no? Did you hear the joke about the
 moron who kept saying no?
%%
Did you just crawl over some barbed wire, sir?
No...I just put my elbow in a blob of ice-cream.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Did you know that ACME is an acronym?

 A
 Company that
 Makes
 Everything
%%
Did you know that Arethra Franklin was one of the first network
programmers?  Listen closely to the lyrics of "Respect":

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Tell you what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Open up a TCP
   socket to me
   socket to me
   socket to me
   socket to me...
%%
Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Did you know that if you were a kangaroo, you couldn't be a mailman?
%%
Did you know that lithium builds up in the fatty tissues of the body?
%%
Did you know that married men live longer than single men? So, if
you want to die a slow death, get married!!!
 -- Dave Maynard
%%
Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him
 on people's pianos.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
Did you know...
 That no-one ever reads these things?
%%
Did you know that rain is the sound of angels flushing?
 -- "Married...With Children"
%%
Did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of Grow a Penis?
%%
Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?
%%
"Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next door?"
"But there is no house next door."
"No? Then let's go build one!"
 -- MARX
%%
Did you know that the voice tapes easily identify the Russian pilot
that shot down the Korean jet?  At one point he definitely states:

     Natasha!   First we shoot jet, then we go after moose and
     squirrel.

 -- ihuxw!tommyo
%%
Did you know the phone company uses the bone marrow
of Third World babies to make microchips?
 -- THE BADGER
%%
"Did you learn that from captains' school, too?"
  "No.        Rodgers and Hammerstein."
 -- Uhura and Kirk from the STAR TREK comic.
%%
Did you...miss me?
I certainly did. Many was the time I said to myself...'I wish _Percy_
  were here...'
Oh!...
'...being tortured instead of me...'
 -- Percy and Edmund : Chains
%%
Did you miss _me_, my lord?
Um..._Baldrick_, is it?
That's right.
No, not really.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Chains
%%
Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Did you not know, then, that to-day Lucullus sups with Lucullus?
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Lucullus
%%
Did you REALLY think you could get away with that? 
%%
Did your mother have any children that lived?
%%
Did you see that new bathing suit they have for women now? That thong
 bathing suit? It has that one thin strap up the middle in the middle in the
 back. Puh-leeze! I spend my whole life tryin' to keep my underwear outta
 there, some idiot goes and designs 'em that goes there on purpose.
 -- Diane Ford
%%
Did you understand the music, Yoko, or was it all in vain?
 -- Roger Waters
%%
Did you you know that Saturday Night Live's 'Waynes World' skit is the
   one number one most watched TV comedy in Russia ?
NYET!
%%
:die horribly: v. The software equivalent of {crash and burn},
   and the preferred emphatic form of {die}.  "The converter
   choked on an FF in its input and died horribly".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a
 conventional thing to happen to him.
 -- John Barrymore's dying words
%%
Die, my dear doctor?   That's the last thing I shall do.
 -- Lord Palmerston (attrib.), 1865
%%
DIE, n.  The singular of "dice."  We seldom hear the word, because
there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die."  At long intervals,
however, some one says:  "The die is cast," which is not true, for it
is cut.  The word is found in an immortal couplet by that eminent poet
and domestic economist, Senator Depew:

    A cube of cheese no larger than a die
    May bait the trap to catch a nibbling mie.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Die of a rose in aromatic pain.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 200
%%
Die Politik is keine exakte Wissenschaft.

[Politics are not an exact science.]
 -- Otto von Bismark (1815-1898)
%%
Dieting is when the days seem longer and the meals shorter.
%%
DIET: meat, cigarettes, meat, booze, meat, and coffee.
In case of aneurysm or alcohol-induced coma, see
"HEALTH."
 -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?"
%%
:die: v. Syn. {crash}.  Unlike {crash}, which is used
   primarily of hardware, this verb is used of both hardware and
   software.  See also {go flatline}, {casters-up mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:diff: /dif/ n. 1. A change listing, especially giving
   differences between (and additions to) source code or documents
   (the term is often used in the plural `diffs').  "Send me your
   diffs for the Jargon File!"  Compare {vdiff}.  2. Specifically,
   such a listing produced by the `diff(1)' command, esp. when
   used as specification input to the `patch(1)' utility (which
   can actually perform the modifications; see {patch}).  This is a
   common method of distributing patches and source updates in the
   UNIX/C world.  3. v. To compare (whether or not by use of automated
   tools on machine-readable files); see also {vdiff},
   {mod}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail.
%%
...difference of opinion is advantageous in religion.  The several sects
perform the office of a common 'censor morum' over each other.  Is uniformity
attainable?  Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the
introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned;
yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Notes on Virginia
%%
Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
%%
Different may mean the same.
%%
Different things happen everywhere all the time.
%%
Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage.  The human spirit
is to grow strong by conflict.
 -- William Ellery Channing
%%
Difficulties are things that show what men are.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxiv
%%
Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.
%%
Difficulties show men what they are.  In case of any difficulty remember
that God has pitted you against a rough antagonist that you may be
a conqueror, and this cannot be without toil.
 -- Epictetus (50-138 AD)
%%
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.
 -- Seneca (BC 3-65 AD)
%%
Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over us by the supreme ordinance
of a parental guardian and legislator, who knows us better than we
know ourselves; and He loves us better too. He that wrestles with
us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist
is our helper. This amicable conflict with difficulty obliges us
to an intimate acquaintance with our object, and compels us to consider
it in all its relations. It will not suffer us to be superficial.
 -- Burke
%%
DIGESTION, n.  The conversion of victuals into virtues.  When the
process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead -- a circumstance from
which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies
are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Digging without a shovel is quite impractical. Even with a shovel
progress progress is unlikely.
%%
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
%%
Digital computers are themselves more complex than most things people build:
They have very large numbers of states. This makes conceiving, describing,
and testing them hard. Software systems have orders-of-magnitude more states
than computers do.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
%%
Digiterata:
AND  WHETHER  OR NOT IT'S CLEAR TO YOU;
AT&T  AND  IBM WILL  BE  OVERCOME   AS THEY  SHOULD.  BE  AT  PEACE  WITH YOUR
COMMODORE;  WHATEVER  YOU  CONCEIVE  IT TO BE.
%%
Digiterata:
AS  FAR AS  POSSIBLE WITHOUT SURRENDER;
MODIFY YOUR SOFTWARE UNTIL IT WORKS THE WAY THE SOFTWARE HOUSE ADVERTISED.
%%
Digiterata:
AVOID  RPG AND FORTRAN HACKERS; THEY'RE A VEXATION OF THE SPIRIT.
%%
Digiterata:
BUT  LET  THIS NOT  BLIND YOU TO WHAT VIRTUE THERE IS; EVEN UNIX GURUS STRIVE
FOR  HIGH  IDEALS;  EVEN  THOUGH  THEIR QUEST  IS FUTILE; THEIR LIFE IS FULL OF
HEROISM. BE HONEST; YOUR COMPUTER KNOWS THE TRUTH.
%%
Digiterata:
ENJOY YOUR ATARI AS WELL AS YOUR APPLE. KEEP  THE FAITH  WITH YOUR SWTP SYSTEM;
HOWEVER HUMBLE; IT IS A REAL ANTIQUE IN THE EVER CHANGING TECHNOLOGIES.
%%
Digiterata:
ESPECIALLY  DO NOT  RUN  EMULATORS; FOR EVEN AN 8 MHZ Z-80  CAN'T IMPERSONATE A
CRAY.  NEITHER BE CYNICAL ABOUT MS-DOS;
FOR IN THE FACE OF ALL TIME IT IS BUT A BUTTERFLY.
%%
Digiterata:
EXERCISE  CAUTION  WHEN  BOOTING  YOUR SYSTEM;  FOR THE FLOPPY DISK IS FULL OF
TRICKERY.
%%
Digiterata:
GO PLACIDLY  AMID THE  BYTES  AND BITS;
AND  REMEMBER WHAT PEACE  THERE  MAY BE IN A POWER FAILURE.
%%
Digiterata:
IF YOU COMPARE  YOUR CODE WITH THAT OF OTHER PROGRAMMERS;  YOU MAY BECOME VAIN
AND  BITTER;  FOR ALWAYS  THERE WILL BE GREATER AND LESSER THAN YOURSELF.
%%
Digiterata:
IN THE END  YOU WILL TRADE THEM ALL FOR TERMINAL;  MODEM; AND ACCESS TO A
MAINFRAME CHANNEL.
%%
Digiterata:
RETAIN BACKUPS TO SHIELD YOU DURING THE RAINS OF WINTER.  BUT  DO NOT  DISTRESS
YOURSELF  WITH IMAGININGS  OF  POWER FAILURES YET TO COME.
%%
Digiterata:
SPEAK YOUR TRUTH QUIETLY & CLEARLY; AND LISTEN TO  OTHERS;  EVEN  FORTH
PROGRAMMERS  AND  MEMBERS  OF OTHER SECTS;
THEY TOO HAVE THEIR STORY.
%%
Digiterata:
TAKE KINDLY  THE COUNSEL  OF THE  S-100 BUFFS; SURRENDERING THEIR KNOWLEDGE OF
SUPERIOR SYSTEMS.  THEY; TOO; RUN CP/M.
%%
Digiterata:
WHEN  THEY  HIT; ACCEPT THEM KINDLY AND KICK  NEITHER  THE CAT;  THE CHILD; NOR
THE SPOUSE. THEY MAY ALL KICK BACK.
%%
Digiterata:
WITH  ALL ITS DRUDGERY & BROKEN DREAMS;
THE 256K  IS STILL  A  BEAUTIFUL  CHIP.
%%
Digiterata:
YOU   ARE   A CHILD   OF  THE  COMPUTER REVOLUTION;  UNLIKE  MORROW OR WOZNIAK;
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HERE.
%%
:digit: n. An employee of Digital Equipment Corporation.  See also
   {VAX}, {VMS}, {PDP-10}, {{TOPS-10}}, {DEChead}, {double
   DECkers}, {field circus}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
[dignified silence]
%%
Dignity and an empty sack are worth an empty sack.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #109
%%
Dignity is like a top hat.
Neither is very much use when you are standing on it.
 -- Chistopher Hollis
%%
DIIL    Disable Interrupts and enter Infinite Loop
%%
:dike: vt. To remove or disable a portion of something, as a wire
   from a computer or a subroutine from a program.  A standard slogan
   is "When in doubt, dike it out".  (The implication is that it is
   usually more effective to attack software problems by reducing
   complexity than by increasing it.)  The word `dikes' is widely
   used among mechanics and engineers to mean `diagonal cutters',
   esp. the heavy-duty metal-cutting version, but may also refer to a
   kind of wire-cutters used by electronics techs.  To `dike
   something out' means to use such cutters to remove something.
   Indeed, the TMRC Dictionary defined dike as "to attack with
   dikes".  Among hackers this term has been metaphorically extended
   to informational objects such as sections of code.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dilige et quos vis fac.
[Love and do what you will]
 -- St. Augustine (A.D. 354-430)
%%
Diligence increaseth the fruit of toil. A dilatory man wrestles with losses.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 412
%%
Diligence is the mother of good fortune.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xliii
%%
Dimensions will be expressed in the least usable terms (i.e. Furlongs/Fortnight)
 -- Klipstein's Third Law of Applied Engineering
%%
Dim with the mist of years, gray flits the shade of power.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 2
%%
Diner:  Waiter!  There's a footprint in my breakfast.
Waiter: Well, I don't see what the problem is.  You
        ordered an omelet and told me to step on it!
%%
Dine with little, sup with less: do better still: sleep supperless.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Ding a ding-dang my dang-a-long ling-long
%%
:ding: n.,vi. 1. Synonym for {feep}.  Usage: rare among hackers,
   but commoner in the {Real World}.  2. `dinged': What happens
   when someone in authority gives you a minor bitching about
   something, esp. something trivial.  "I was dinged for having a
   messy desk."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DINGO:   And after the spanking ... the oral sex.
GALAHAD: Oh, dear! Well, I...
GIRLS:   The oral sex ...  The oral sex.
GALAHAD: Well, I suppose I could stay a BIT longer.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
DINGO: Wicked wicked Zoot ... she is a bad person and she must pay the
       penalty.  And here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment
       ... you must tie her down on a bed ... and spank her.  Come!
GIRLS: A spanking!  A spanking!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
DINGO:   You must spank her well and after you have spanked her you
         may deal with her as you like and then ... spank me.
AMAZING: And spank me!
STUNNER: And me.
LOVELY:  And me.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
:dink: /dink/ adj. Said of a machine that has the {bitty box}
   nature; a machine too small to be worth bothering with ---
   sometimes the system you're currently forced to work on.  First
   heard from an MIT hacker working on a CP/M system with 64K, in
   reference to any 6502 system, then from fans of 32-bit
   architectures about 16-bit machines.  "GNUMACS will never work on
   that dink machine."  Probably derived from mainstream `dinky',
   which isn't sufficiently pejorative.  See {macdink}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
(D)inner not ready:  (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
%%
:dinosaur: n. 1. Any hardware requiring raised flooring and special
   power.  Used especially of old minis and mainframes, in contrast
   with newer microprocessor-based machines.  In a famous quote from
   the 1988 UNIX EXPO, Bill Joy compared the liquid-cooled mainframe
   in the massive IBM display with a grazing dinosaur "with a truck
   outside pumping its bodily fluids through it".  IBM was not
   amused.  Compare {big iron}; see also {mainframe}.  2. [IBM]
   A very conservative user; a {zipperhead}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:dinosaur pen: n. A traditional {mainframe} computer room complete with
   raised flooring, special power, its own ultra-heavy-duty air
   conditioning, and a side order of Halon fire extinguishers.  See
   {boa}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:dinosaurs mating: n. Said to occur when yet another {big iron}
   merger or buyout occurs; reflects a perception by hackers that
   these signal another stage in the long, slow dying of the
   {mainframe} industry.  In its glory days of the 1960s, it was
   `IBM and the Seven Dwarves': Burroughs, Control Data, General
   Electric, Honeywell, NCR, RCA, and Univac.  RCA and GE sold out
   early, and it was `IBM and the Bunch' (Burroughs, Univac, NCR,
   Control Data, and Honeywell) for a while.  Honeywell was bought out
   by Bull; Burroughs merged with Univac to form Unisys (in 1984 ---
   this was when the phrase `dinosaurs mating' was coined); and in
   1991 AT&T absorbed NCR.  More such earth-shaking unions of doomed
   giants seem inevitable.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Diogenes lighted a candle in the daytime, and went round saying, "I
am looking for a man."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
Diogenes said once to a person who was showing him a dial, "It is
a very useful thing to save a man from being too late for supper."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Menedemus, iii
%%
Diogenes struck the father when the son swore.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 5
%%
Diogenes the Cynic, when a little before his death he fell into a
slumber, and his physician rousing him out of it asked him whether
anything ailed him, wisely answered, "Nothing, sir; only one brother
anticipates another,--Sleep before Death."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Consolation to Apollonius
%%
Diogenes would frequently praise those who were about to marry, and
yet did not marry.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, iv
%%
Dio non ha fatto niente di inutile.
Ma con le mosche e i professori
ci e' andato vicino.
[God made nothing unuseful.
But with flies and professors
He was quite close.]
 -- University wall, Milan, 1969
%%
Dionysius the Elder, being asked whether he was at leisure, he replied,
"God forbid that it should ever befall me!"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Dionysius
%%
Dip: Inventor of a famous switch.
%%
Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what
cannot be gained or held on the battlefield.
%%
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a large rock.
 -- Wynn Catlin
%%
Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest thing in the nicest way.
 -- Isaac Goldberg
%%
Diplomacy: Lying in state.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
DIPLOMACY, n.  The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Diplomacy should be a job left to diplomats.
 -- Ambassador Fox, "A Taste of Armageddon," stardate 3192.5.
%%
Diplomacy: The art of fishing tranquilly in troubled waters.
%%
Diplomacy: The art of jumping into troubled waters without making
a splash.
%%
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone have your way.
%%
Diplomacy ... the art of restraining power.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
Diplomat: an unwise thing to call "Knuckles" Lomat.
%%
Diplomats and bureaucrats may function differently, but they
  achieve exactly the same results.
 -- Spock, "The Mark of Gideon," stardate 5423.4.
%%
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are
for finishing it ... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing
would fall flat in a week.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians.
%%
DIP switch -- what we'll probably get out of the next
presidential election.
%%
Dire combustion and confused events
New hatch'd to the woful time.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Direct action produces direct reaction.
 -- Issawi's Law of the Dialectics of Progress
%%
Direct a direct hit on your direct opponent, directing in the right direction.
%%
Direct sales only: manufacturer had argument with distributor
%%
%DIRECT-W-NOFILES, no files found
%%
DIRFW   Do It Right For Once
%%
:dirtball: [XEROX PARC] n. A small, perhaps struggling outsider;
   not in the major or even the minor leagues.  For example, "Xerox
   is not a dirtball company".

   [Outsiders often observe in the PARC culture an institutional
   arrogance which usage of this term exemplifies.  The brilliance and
   scope of PARC's contributions to computer science have been such
   that this superior attitude is not much resented.  --- ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dirty deeds done dirt-cheap.
%%
:dirty power: n. Electrical mains voltage that is unfriendly to
   the delicate innards of computers.  Spikes, {drop-outs}, average
   voltage significantly higher or lower than nominal, or just plain
   noise can all cause problems of varying subtlety and severity
   (these are collectively known as {power hit}s).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DISABUSE, v.t.  The present your neighbor with another and better
error than the one which he has deemed it advantageous to embrace.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Disagree with conservatives? Call them fascists.
 -- Liberal Rule #29
%%
Disagree with conservatives? Call them idiots.
 -- Liberal Rule #28
%%
Disappointment is discovering you can't do it twice. Despair is discovering
you can't do it once.
%%
Disassembler: An unattended five year old child.
%%
Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government
and business.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
DISC    DISmount CPU
%%
Disciples be damned. It's not interesting. It's only the masters that
matter. Those who create.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quoted in Michel George-Michel, De Renoir a Picasso, (1954)
%%
Disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather than constricts it.
%%
Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability.
 -- Roy L. Smith
%%
Discipline is the soul of an army.  It makes small numbers formidable,
procures success to the weak, and esteem to all.
 -- George Washington
%%
Discipline, like the bridle in the hand of a good rider, should exercise its
influence without appearing to do so; should be ever active, both as a support
and as a restraint, yet seem to lie easily in hand. It must always be ready to
check or to pull up, as occasion may require; and only when the horse is a
runaway should the action of the curb be perceptible.
%%
Discipline must come through liberty. . . . We do not consider an
individual disciplined only when he has been rendered as artificially
silent as a mute and as immovable as a paralytic.  He is an individual
annihilated, not disciplined.
 -- Maria Montessori
%%
DISCLAIMER:
My fingers are epileptic.
%%
:disclaimer: n. [USENET] n. Statement ritually appended to many USENET
   postings (sometimes automatically, by the posting software) reiterating
   the fact (which should be obvious, but is easily forgotten) that the
   article reflects its author's opinions and not necessarily those of
   the organization running the machine through which the article
   entered the network.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
%%
Disco - A large group of people sweating in nice clothes.
%%
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
%%
Discontent is the want of self-reliance: it is infirmity of will.
 -- Emerson
%%
Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running
 straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions
 and devalue the dollar!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
:Discordianism: /dis-kor'di-*n-ism/ n. The veneration of
   {Eris}, a.k.a. Discordia; widely popular among hackers.
   Discordianism was popularized by Robert Shea and Robert Anton
   Wilson's novel "{Illuminatus!}" as a sort of
   self-subverting Dada-Zen for Westerners --- it should on no account
   be taken seriously but is far more serious than most jokes.
   Consider, for example, the Fifth Commandment of the Pentabarf, from
   "Principia Discordia": "A Discordian is Prohibited of
   Believing What he Reads."  Discordianism is usually connected with
   an elaborate conspiracy theory/joke involving millennia-long
   warfare between the anarcho-surrealist partisans of Eris and a
   malevolent, authoritarian secret society called the Illuminati.
   See {Religion} under {Appendix B}, {Church of the
   SubGenius}, and {ha ha only serious}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Disco STILL sucks!
 -- T-shirt in the 21st century
%%
DISCOUNT
  The art of making shoppers feel happier about having just bought
  something by letting them know that they didn't get as badly
  ripped-off as they would have if they'd bought it when the discount
  didn't apply.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Discourse, the sweeter banquet of the mind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xv, Line 433
%%
Discoveries are often made by not following instructions, by going
 off the main road, by trying the untried.
 -- Frank Tyger
%%
Discover that you *can* eat seaweed.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no
one else has thought.
 -- Albert Szent-Gyorgi
%%
Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
%%
Discretion of speech is more than eloquence; and to speak agreeably
to him with whom we deal is more than to speak in good words or in
good order.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Discourse
%%
Discretion - putting two and two together and keeping your mouth shut.
%%
DISCRIMINATE, v.i.  To note the particulars in which one person or
thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Discussion, n.A method of confirming others in their errors.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Disease and deprivation stalk our land like...two giant...
  ...stalking things.
 -- Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.
%%
Diseased Nature oftentimes breaks forth
In strange eruptions.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Disease
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 05
%%
[Diseases] crucify the soul of man, attenuate our bodies, dry them,
wither them, shrivel them up like old apples, make them so many anatomies.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 10
%%
Diseases desperate grown
By desperate appliance are relieved,
Or not at all.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Diseases for Kisses (Hyperkarma):
 A deeply rooted belief that punishment will somehow always be
far greater than the crime: ozone holes for littering.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
"Disguise thyself as thou wilt, still, Slavery," said I, "still thou
art a bitter draught."
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- The Passport, The Hotel at Paris
%%
Dishonesty, cowardice and duplicity are never impulsive.
 -- George Knight
%%
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
%%
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
%%
Disinformation is one thing, but misinformation is unforgivable.
%%
Disk crisis, please clean up!
%%
Disk Drive: A motor for a frisbee.
%%
Disk Drive - machine part designed to collect dust, cigarette ash, etc.
%%
:disk farm: n. (also {laundromat}) A large room or rooms filled
   with disk drives (esp. {washing machine}s).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
%%
Disk Head - that part of a machine designed to be worn down by dust.
%%
Disklexia: putting floppies in upside down
%%
Disk space -- the final frontier!
%%
Disks travel in packs.
%%
Disk: What goes out in your back after bending over
 a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
%%
disney, diz'nee, v.t.
 to queue excessively for a very short ride
    [prob S.E. & S.W. U.S.]
%%
... DisneyLand: A people trap operated by a mouse.
%%
Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty.  The obedient must be
slaves.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
DISOBEDIENCE, n.  The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
DISOBEY, v.t.  To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity
of a command.

    His right to govern me is clear as day,
    My duty manifest to disobey;
    And if that fit observance e'er I shut
    May I and duty be alike undone.
                                                         Israfel Brown
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
DISORGANIZATION is merely the sign of a very healthy
individual trying to do more in a shorter period of time
than those lazy, obsessively tidy types who can think of
nothing better to do than straighten objects in drawers and
stuff like that which only feeds their egos and makes them
think that they are better than those of us who are truly
gifted
%%
Disparting towers
Trembling all precipitate down dash'd,
Rattling around, loud thundering to the moon.
 -- John Dyer (1700-1758)
 -- The Ruins of Rome, Line 40
%%
Dispel this cloud, the light of Heaven restore;
Give me to see, and Ajax asks no more.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xvii, Line 730
%%
:display hack: n. A program with the same approximate purpose as a
   kaleidoscope: to make pretty pictures.  Famous display hacks
   include {munching squares}, {smoking clover}, the BSD UNIX
   `rain(6)' program, `worms(6)' on miscellaneous UNIXes,
   and the {X} `kaleid(1)' program.  Display hacks can also be
   implemented without programming by creating text files containing
   numerous escape sequences for interpretation by a video terminal;
   one notable example displayed, on any VT100, a Christmas tree with
   twinkling lights and a toy train circling its base.  The {hack
   value} of a display hack is proportional to the esthetic value of
   the images times the cleverness of the algorithm divided by the
   size of the code.  Syn. {psychedelicware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DISSEMBLE, v.i.  To put a clean shirt upon the character.

    Let us dissemble.
                                                                  Adam
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
DISTANCE, n.  The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to
call theirs, and keep.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Distinct as the billows, yet one as the sea.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Ocean, Line 54
%%
Distinction without a difference.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Jones, Book vi, Chap. xiii
%%
Distinctive, adj.:
    A different color or shape than our competitors.
%%
Distress, n.:
 A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Distributed file systems are a cruel hoax.
 -- Zalman Stern, former ITC hacker diety
%%
:distribution: n. 1. A software source tree packaged for
   distribution; but see {kit}.  2. A vague term encompassing
   mailing lists and USENET newsgroups (but not {BBS} {fora}); any
   topic-oriented message channel with multiple recipients.  3. An
   information-space domain (usually loosely correlated with
   geography) to which propagation of a USENET message is restricted;
   a much-underutilized feature.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are
two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity:

(1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and
    confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a pile and hold
    a press conference where you announce that they have a street value
    of $850 million.  These raids never fail, because ALL high schools,
    including brand-new, never-used ones, have at least 53 marijuana
    cigarettes in the lockers.  As far as anyone can tell, the locker
    factory puts them there.
(2) Raid an adult book store and hold a press conference where you
    announce you are charging the owner with 850 counts of being a
    piece of human sleaze.  This also never fails, because you always
    get a conviction.  A juror at a pornography trial is not about to
    state for the record that he finds nothing obscene about a movie
    where actors engage in sexual activities with live snakes and a
    fire extinguisher.  He is going to convict the bookstore owner, and
    vote for the death penalty just to make sure nobody gets the wrong
    impression.
 -- Dave Barry, Pornography
%%
District of Columbia pedestrians who leap over passing autos to escape
injury, and then strike the car as they come down, are liable for any
damage inflicted on the vehicle.
%%
Distrust all those who love you extremely upon a very
slight acquaintance and without any visible reason.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Distrust interested advice.
 -- Aesop
%%
:disusered: adj. [USENET] Said of a person whose account on a computer
   has been removed, esp. for cause rather than through normal
   attrition.  "He got disusered when they found out he'd been
   cracking through the school's Internet access."  The verbal form
   `disuser' is live but less common.  Both usages probably derive
   from the DISUSER account status flag on VMS; setting it disables
   the account.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ditsey Baummortal went duck shooting with old Uncle George Terwilliger.
 A flock of ducks flew overhead and Uncle George took a potshot at them and
 one fell down on the beach--dead. Ditsey walked over and looked at it.
 "Hey, Uncle George," he said. "That was a waste of ammunition to shoot that
 duck. The fall alone would have killed it."
 -- "Senator" Ed Ford
%%
Divers do it better under pressure.
%%
Divers do it deeper.
%%
Dividing 100 percent responsibility between two
people gives each of them ten percent.
 -- Hoff's Rule of Responsibility
%%
DIVINATION, n.  The art of nosing out the occult.  Divination is of as
many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties of the flowering dunce
and the early fool.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Divine in hookas, glorious in a pipe
When tipp'd with amber, mellow, rich, and ripe;
Like other charmers, wooing the caress
More dazzlingly when daring in full dress;
Yet thy true lovers more admire by far
Thy naked beauties--give me a cigar!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Island, Canto ii, Stanza 19
%%
Divines and dying men may talk of Hell But in my heart her several
torments dwell.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Divorce Assumption:
 A form of Safety Net-ism, the belief that if a marriage
doesn't work out, then there is no problem because partners can simply
seek a divorce.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Divorce comes from the old Latin word "divorcerum," meaning "having your
 genitals torn out through your wallet." And the judge said, "All the
 money--and we'll just shorten it to alimony!"
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Divorce is painful. There's an easy way to save yourself a lot of trouble.
 Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
 -- Pat Paulsen
%%
DK      Destroy Klingons
%%
DKP     Disavow Knowledge of Programmer
%%
DK%WMM  Disk Unit - Washing Machine Mode
%%
.DLL corrupted. Major bummer.
 -- WinError #73
%%
DLN     Don't Look Now...
%%
DLP     Drain Literal Pool
%%
DMA csr=0x%b
%%
DMA timeout error
%%
DMPE    Decide to Major in Physical Education
%%
DMPK - Destroy Memory Protect Key
%%
DMZ     Divide Memory by Zero
%%
DNA: the ultimate RIS machine language
%%
Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways
you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all
the people you can, As long as ever you can.
 -- John Wesley
%%
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?  Ask Data.
%%
Do animals react curiously to your presence? [yn]
How curious that must be.
%%
Do be a do-bee
 -- Miss Sally
%%
Do bears bear-eth, do bees bee-eth?
 -- David Addison
%%
Do-be-do-be-do.
 -- F. Sinatra
%%
Do business with a "Small Lobe" and your bound to get a big loss.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #11
%%
Do cats eat bats?  Do bats eat cats?
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
:doc: /dok/ n. Common spoken and written shorthand for
   `documentation'.  Often used in the plural `docs' and in the
   construction `doc file' (i.e., documentation available on-line).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DOC     Drive Operator Crazy
%%
Doc Hayward said you needed familiar stimulants, so we figured,
what the hell, kazoos.
 -- Twin Peaks
%%
Doc Hayward:  You're not going anywhere.
Cooper:       Doc, when the will is invoked, the recuperative powers of the
              physical body are simply extraordinary.  Just give me a couple
              of hours to get dressed.
 -- Dr. William Hayward & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Doc, note, I dissent.  A fast never prevents a fatness.  I diet on cod.
%%
:doco: /do'koh/ [orig. in-house jargon at Symbolics] n. A
   documentation writer.  See also {devo} and {mango}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Doct. Not so sick, my lord,
As she is troubled with thick-coming fancies,
That keep her from her rest.
Macb. Cure her of that.
Canst thou not minister to a mind diseas'd,
Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow,
Raze out the written troubles of the brain,
And with some sweet oblivious antidote
Cleanse the stuff'd bosom of that perilous stuff
Which weighs upon the heart?
Doct. Therein the patient
Must minister to himself.
Macb. Throw physic to the dogs: I 'll none of it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Doctor, doctor, gimme the news. I've got a bad case of loving you.
%%
'Doctor, doctor, I dreamt last night that I was a deck of cards.'
'Sit down there, I'll deal with you soon'
%%
'Doctor, doctor, I've just swallowed a sheep'
'How do you feel?'
'Very Ba-a-a-a-d.'
%%
Doctor, don't cut so deep. That's the third
 operating table you've ruined this month!
%%
Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Doctors always over-protect their patients.
And Captains always push themselves too hard.
 -- Dr. Crusher and Capt. Rachel Garrett, "Yesterday's Enterprise",
       stardate 43625.2
%%
Doctor, say you're pleased to see her.
 -- Nyssa, TERMINUS
%%
Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments
when you're not.
 -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Doctors often prescribe medicines about which they know relatively little
 for diseases about which they know even a little less, in people about whom
 they know practically nothing. It is a real wonder that, under these
 circumstances, the patient even survives, as most of them do. In fact, some
 of them even get better in spite of all the odds against it.
%%
Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning.
%%
Doctor supports combination gambit.
 -- Doctor Who, SILVER NEMESIS
%%
Doctor, we've got our clothes on!
 -- Ian, The Space Museum
%%
Doctor Who is required.
 -- WOTAN, The War Machines
%%
Doctor:  You need glasses.
Patient: How did you know?
Doctor:  I could tell as soon as you walked through the window.
%%
Doctor, you surprise me. I have no wish to kill anyone. A short term
  crippling will suffice.
 -- Daimon Goss to Dr. Arridor, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
Documentary hypothesis
 the discredited notion that software is the outcome of a
 systematic and rational process of development, rather
 than the result of divine inspiration
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Documentation:
A manual which tells you how to use a program, system, or utility
one version ago, and which is now unsupported.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Documentation:  A perplexing linen-bound accessory resorted to only in
situations of dire need when friends and dealers are
unavailable, normally only employed as a decorative bookend.
%%
Documentation
 a process for converting trees into entropy, usually
 applied to provide busywork for the people whose
 employment cannot be justified by cost modelling
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Documentation: Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for
 English speaking persons.
%%
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good;
and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
 -- Dick Brandon
%%
Documentation is the castor oil of programming.  Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
%%
:documentation:: n. The multiple kilograms of macerated, pounded,
   steamed, bleached, and pressed trees that accompany most modern
   software or hardware products (see also {tree-killer}).  Hackers
   seldom read paper documentation and (too) often resist writing it;
   they prefer theirs to be terse and on-line.  A common comment on
   this predilection is "You can't {grep} dead trees".  See
   {drool-proof paper}, {verbiage}, {treeware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Documents should always be dated, listings should never be torn on
the outside fold. Violation is indicative of someone's (programmer's
or operator's) inability.
%%
Dodge           Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
%%
Dodge           Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere
%%
:dodgy: adj. Syn. with {flaky}.  Preferred outside the U.S.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DO      Divide and Overflow
%%
Does a man speak foolishly?-suffer him gladly, for you are wise.
Does he speak erroneously?-stop such a man's mouth with sound words
that cannot be gainsaid. Does he speak truly?-rejoice in the truth.
 -- Oliver Cromwell
%%
Does anybody have a ";" Reminder key?
%%
>>Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube?
>Bah! That's a piece o' cake...
>I just can't figure out this damned 4x4x4x4 Rubik's HyperCube...!!!!!!

Peel the stickers off and stick them in a parallel 3-space.
 -- Norman Diamond       diamond@tkov50.enet.dec.com
%%
Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube?  can you give me
some hints?  I can get two sides opposite to each other completed, but that's
it.

I guess it's a bit funny that you do two sides first, instead of the
corners and edges first followed by the inside centers.  Not quite the
best joke I've read today, though.
 -- Norman Diamond diamond@tkov50.enet.dec.com
%%
- Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube?  can you
- give me some hints?  I can get two sides opposite to each other
- completed, but that's it.
-

Just take all the little stickers off, and place the thus denuded cube
in your microwave.  Set the timer to seven minutes, right about at the
end of which you will greater worries than your inability to solve
your cube.  Trust me I have done this.
 -- Asim.
%%
"Does anyone have a knife?"
 -- Great Quotes of Yule '93
%%
Does anyone have any ANSI taglines,er the colored ones?
%%
Does anyone have any questions? Any answers? Anyone care for a mint?
%%
"Does anyone know why Arthur can't turn on the Improbability Drive?  I
said <yelling> does anyone know ..." - Trillian
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Does bouncing count?
%%
Does college pay? Of course. If you're a halfback or a basketball player
 they pay you very well. College athletes are always saying to me, "When
 should I turn pro?" And I say not until you've earned all you can in
 college.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
%%
Does he always kill when taken by surprise?...
 -- Clonemaster
%%
Does history record any case where the majority was right?
%%
Does history repeat itself, the first time as tragedy, the
second time as farce?   No, that's too grand, too considered
a process.  History just burps, and we taste again that
raw-onion sandwich it swallowed centuries ago.
 -- Julian Barnes
%%
Does it have enhanced IR vision, a particle beam weapon
with target acquisition, highly amplified arm/leg systems,
self-contained atmosphere, and a small nuclear plant? No?
Not much of a "power suit", is it?
%%
Does not our power increase exactly in the measure we learn how to use it?
 -- Emerson
%%
Doesn't it make you feel good to be wanted? . . .Avon
I've been a wanted man all my life. What I need now is to
be unwanted....
 -- Vila
%%
Doesn't that noise in your head bother you?
%%
Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Does the E's Computer have enough RAM to run Windows?
%%
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
%%
Does the same as the system call of that name. If you don't know what
it does, don't worry about it.
 -- Larry Wall in the perl man page regarding chroot(2)
%%
Does things the traditional, uncivilized way.
 -- System V Unix, and the Klingon Empire
%%
Does this program halt? <In a paradoxical flowchart>
%%
Does Windows 3.1 come with a Hard Drive?
%%
..  does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Dog:  I tell you what: I'm gonna smell your behind, then you can smell mine!
      Now is that a deal?
Cat:  You want to smell my WHAT?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Parallel Universe'
%%
Dogmatism is puppyism come to its full growth.
%%
DOG, n.  A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch
the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.  This Divine Being in
some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes, in the affection
of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant.  The Dog
is a survival -- an anachronism.  He toils not, neither does he spin,
yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long,
sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means
wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned
with a look of tolerant recognition.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epilogue to the Satires, Dialogue i, Line 136
%%
Dog, ounce, bear, and bull,
Wolfe, lion, horse.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, First Day, Part iii
%%
Dog owners are out in all kinds of weather. They tell you it's small
 payment for the love their dogs bear them. Some love. If that dog weren't
 on a leash, he'd be off like a flash after another dog, a cat, or any
 stranger walking along the street with a wet bag of meat.

 If dog owners walked around in all kinds of weather for the Postal Service
 they'd really know love. A retirement plan. Social security. Medical
 insurance. Pension.
 -- Selma Diamond
%%
:dogpile: [USENET: prob. fr. mainstream "puppy pile"] v. When
   many people post unfriendly responses in short order to a single
   posting, they are sometimes said to "dogpile" or "dogpile on"
   the person to whom they're responding.  For example, when a
   religious missionary posts a simplistic appeal to alt.atheism,
   he can expect to be dogpiled.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up.
 After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself: Who's the real
 master in this relationship?
 -- Anthony Griffin
%%
... Dogs are the leaders of the planet.  If you see two life
forms, one of them's making a poop, the other's carrying it for
him, who would you assume is in charge?"
 -- Jerry Seinfeld, "SeinLanguage"
%%
Dogs are trained.  People are educated.
 -- Keith Riley
%%
Dogs are wonderful creatures which convert leftovers
and table scraps into hair, which they then politely
distribute over your carpet and furniture
%%
Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to
you.
 -- Mary Bly
%%
Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows!
%%
Dogs would make totally incompetent criminals. If you could somehow get a
group of dogs to understand the concept of the Kennedy assassination, they
would all immediately confess to it. Whereas you'll never see a cat display
any kind of guilty behavior, despite the fact that several cats were seen in
Dallas on the grassy knoll area, not that I wish to start rumors.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Dogs, ye have had your day!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xxii, Line 41
%%
:dogwash: /dog'wosh/ [From a quip in the `urgency' field of a very
   optional software change request, ca. 1982.  It was something like
   "Urgency: Wash your dog first".] 1. n. A project of minimal
   priority, undertaken as an escape from more serious work.  2. v.
   To engage in such a project.  Many games and much {freeware} get
   written this way.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
    Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself
(I am large, I contain multitudes).
 -- Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
%%
Do I dare disturb the universe?
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Do I have a lifestyle yet?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Do I look absolutely divine and yet and at the same time very pretty
  and rather accessible?
 -- Queenie to Melchett : Potato
%%
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
%%
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the
abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
 -- Woody Allen
 -- Without Feathers
%%
Doing a good job is like wetting your pants in a dark suit... You get a warm
feeling, but nobody notices.
%%
Doing a little work around the house.  I put fake brick wallpaper over a real
 brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew.  People come over and I'm
 gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it...it feels real."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
Doing gets it done.
%%
Doing good,
Disinterested good, is not our trade.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book i, The Sofa, Line 673
%%
Doing it the hard way is always easier.
 -- Murphy's Paradox
%%
Doing just the opposite is also a form of imitation
 -- G. C. Lichtenberg
%%
Doing my part to preserve order in the universe.
%%
Doing strange things in the name of art.
%%
Doing what's right isn't the problem. It's knowing what's right.
 -- L. B. Johnson
%%
Do I smoke after sex?  I never looked.
%%
Do it for the Widow's Son.
%%
Do it once, do it right, and *maybe* she'll let you do it again.
%%
Do it. Or don't do it. But either way, don't bitch about it.
%%
Do it today!
%%
Do it today, tomorrow it will be illegal.
%%
"Do-it Yourself House Kit" by Bill Jerome Holme
%%
Dokachin: "In all the time that the Zakdorn have operated this depot, nothing
  has ever been lost.  Never!"
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Dokachin: "I once found a fourteen foot Caldorian eel aboard a freighter, in
  someone's locker."
Troi: "Are you serious?"
Dokachin: "If you have time, I'll show it to you.  I still have it.  Nursed it
  back to health."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Dokachin: "I suppose this is your first visit to a junkyard, isn't
it?" Troi: "Mm-hm." Dokachin: "You'd be surprised at some of the things
I find onboard these ships."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Do Klingons fear death as much as humans? I could snap your neck in a
  second, but it wouldn't be as much fun.
 -- Admiral Quinn to Worf, "Conspiracy", stardate 41775.5
%%
Dolendi modus, timendi non item.
[To suffering there is a limit; to fearing, none.]
 -- Bacon, Of Seditions and Troubles
%%
Domain
 a class of applications where failure on one project gives
 you an advantage in bidding on the next
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
:domainist: /doh-mayn'ist/ adj. 1. Said of an {{Internet
   address}} (as opposed to a {bang path}) because the part to the
   right of the `@' specifies a nested series of `domains';
   for example, esr@snark.thyrsus.com specifies the machine
   called snark in the subdomain called thyrsus within the
   top-level domain called com.  See also {big-endian}, sense
   2.  2. Said of a site, mailer, or routing program which knows how
   to handle domainist addresses.  3. Said of a person (esp. a site
   admin) who prefers domain addressing, supports a domainist mailer,
   or proselytizes for domainist addressing and disdains {bang
   path}s.  This term is now (1993) semi-obsolete, as most sites have
   converted.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Do married people live longer, or does it just seem that way?
%%
Do married women make the best wives?
%%
Domestic happiness, thou only bliss
Of Paradise that has survived the fall!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iii, The Garden, Line 41
%%
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
%%
Donald Campbell:
The f%*king throttle is stuck
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Donald Duck isn't all he's quacked up to be.
%%
Donate your shoe collection to Imelda Marcos.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
DONATION
  Often promoted as the best way of getting rid of your money while
  feeling good about it, donation in fact has the opposite effect.
  The vast majority feel awkward as they hand over the money,
  clumsily trying to avoid the $50 note in their pocket.
      A much better way to get rid of money while feeling good is to
  go out and by a whoppingly expensive consumer appliance.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Done to death by slanderous tongues.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
:dongle-disk: /don'gl disk/ n.  A special floppy disk that is
   required in order to perform some task.  Some contain special
   coding that allows an application to identify it uniquely, others
   *are* special code that does something that normally-resident
   programs don't or can't.  (For example, AT&T's "Unix PC" would
   only come up in {root mode} with a special boot disk.)  Also
   called a `key disk'.  See {dongle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Don:    I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!  Was she
       pretty?
W. C.:  Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of
 bad road.  She had so many gold teeth, Don, she use to have to
        sleep with her head in a safe.  She died in Bolivia.
Don:      Oh Bill, it must be hard to lose a relative.
W. C.:    It's almost impossible.
 -- W. C. Fields, from The Further Adventures of Larson
                   E. Whipsnade and other Tarradiddles
%%
Donna pelosa, donna virtuosa.
 -- Italian proverb
%%
Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much
 vermouth.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Do not allow this language (Ada) in its present state to be used in
applications where reliability is critical, i.e., nuclear power stations,
cruise missiles, early warning systems, anti-ballistic missile defense
systems. The next rocket to go astray as a result of a programming language
error may not be an exploratory space rocket on a harmless trip to Venus:
It may be a nuclear warhead exploding over one of our cities. An unreliable
programming language generating unreliable programs constitutes a far
greater risk to our environment and to our society than unsafe cars, toxic
pesticides, or accidents at nuclear power stations.
 -- C. A. R. Hoare
%%
Do not, as some ungracious pastors do,
Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven;
Whiles, like a puff'd and reckless libertine,
Himself the primrose path of dalliance treads,
And recks not his own rede.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled
among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good.  His
life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far
beyond yours.  Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to
find these words.
 -- Rainer Maria Rilke
%%
Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but
do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you.
 -- Stewart E. White
%%
Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth.
 -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
Do not be deceived. Revolutions do not run backwards.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), railsplitter, lawyer, imperialist
%%
Do not be fooled by her looks. The body is just a shell.
 -- Worf, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
Do not be in a hurry to tie what you cannot untie.
 -- English proverb
%%
 do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change
of underwear.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.  Do not
believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
 Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in
your religious books.  Do not believe in anything merely on the authority
of your teachers and elders.  Do not believe in traditions because
they have been handed down for many generations.  But after observation
and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is
conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and
live up to it.
 -- The Buddha
%%
Do not believe in miracles; rely upon them.
 -- Finagle's Sixth Rule
%%
Do not believe what I tell you here any more than if it were some
tale of a tub.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. xxxviii
%%
Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim
above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an
experiment.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Do not call up that which you can not put on hold.
%%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%%
Do not commit the error, common among the young, of assuming that if you
cannot save the whole of mankind you have failed.
 -- Jan de Hartog, "The Lamb's War"
%%
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your
 own. You may both be wrong.
 -- Dandemis
%%
Do not cry, for thy tears shall rust thy skates.
 -- Rollerblade (yes, BLADE)
%%
Do not cut down the tree that gives you shade.
%%
Do not deny the challenge of your destiny! Get off your knees and
  soar. Open your eyes and let the dream take flight.
 -- Korris to Worf, "Heart of Glory", stardate 41503.7
%%
Do not disturb. I had a hard enough time getting turbed
in the first place
%%
Do Not Disturb signs should be written in the language of the hotel maids.
%%
Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you. Their tastes
may not be the same.
 -- George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman (1903), Maxims for
 -- Revolutionists: The Golden Rule
%%
Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.
%%
Do not drop in for an after-loss.
Ah, do not, when my heart hath 'scap'd this sorrow,
Come in the rearward of a conquer'd woe;
Give not a windy night a rainy morrow,
To linger out a purpos'd overthrow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet xc
%%
Do not embark upon vast undertakings with half-vast ideas.
%%
Do not employ handsome servants.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
 -- In a Leipzig elevator
%%
Do not expect to arrive at certainty in every subject which you pursue.
 There are a hundred things wherein we mortals. . . must be content
with probability, where our best light and reasoning will reach no
farther.
 -- Isaac Watts
%%
Do not expose this tagline to direct sunlight.
%%
Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
Do not fear your enemies. The worst they can do is kill you. Do not fear
friends. At worst, they may betray you. Fear those who do not care; they
neither kill nor betray, but betrayal and murder exists because of their
silent consent.
 -- Bruno Jasienski (Yasensky)
%%
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path
and leave a trail.
 -- Muriel Strode
%%
Do not go gently into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
 -- Dylan Thomas
%%
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and
leave a trail.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Hipponous, Frag. 280
%%
Do not hit at all if it can be avoided, but never hit softly.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Do not hover always on the surface of things, nor take up suddenly,
with mere appearances; but penetrate into the depth of matters, as
far as your time and circumstances allow, especially in those things
which relate to your profession.
 -- Isaac Watts
%%
Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.
 -- Confucius
 -- Analects, XV.24
%%
Do not invest your whole life in one hope.
 -- Austin O'Malley
%%
Do not iron, naked.
 -- Home safety tip for men #1
%%
Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship after the substance is
 gone--but part, while you can part friends. Bury the carcass of friendship:
 it is not worth embalming.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.
%%
Do not lend money to a fiend.
%%
Do not lengthen the quarrel while there is an opportunity of escaping.
 -- Latin proverb
%%
Do not let any sweet-talking woman beguile your good sense with the
 fascinations of her shape. It's your barn she's after.
 -- Hesiod
%%
Do not look for all the answers at once. A path is formed by placing
    stones one in front of the other.
 -- The Giant from Twin Peaks
%%
Do not look into laser with remaining good eye.
 -- Seen on the door to a light-wave lab
%%
Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture,
 an intransigent mind, and a step that travels unlimited roads.
 -- John Galt, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on
 your computer.
 -- stolen from Brian Gollum
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to
anger.
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to
anger.
 -- Tolkien
%%
Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the
signal.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
Do not overload electrical circuits.
%%
Do not overtax your powers.
%%
Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.
 -- Czech proverb
%%
Do not put statements in the negative form.
%%
Do not put your spoon into the pot which does not boil for you.
 -- Romanian proverb
%%
Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination; do not become the
 slave of your model.
 -- Vincent van Gogh
%%
Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.
 Violators will be prosecuted.
 -- Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.)
%%
Do not regret growing old; many are denied the privilege.
%%
Do not remove a fly from a friend's forehead with a chopstick.
%%
Do not remove or tamper with ground wires and do not work on live circuits.
%%
DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT blow the hatch!
 Roger....hatch blown!
 -- MAROONED
%%
Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old;
seek what they sought.
 -- Basho
%%
Do not settle for less than the best your own excellence can command.
 -- Anne McCaffrey
%%
Do not show your wounded finger, for
everything will knock up against it.
 -- Baltasar Gracian
%%
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
%%
Do not speak harshly to any one; those who are spoken to will answer
thee in the same way.  Angry speech is painful:  blows for blows will
touch thee.
 -- The Dhammapada (c. BC 300)
%%
 Do not speak ill of the dead.
 --       The Seven Sages (Bias, Chilon, Cleobulus, Periander,
       Pittacus,Solon, Thales) c. 650 - c. 550 BC
 --     From Diogenes Laertius,
       Lives of Eminent Philosophers, bk. I, sec. 70
%%
Do not speak of what men deserve.   For we each of us deserve everything,
 every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead Kings, and we each
 of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger.   Have we not eaten
 while another starved?  Will you punish us for that?  Will you reward us for
 the virtue of starving while others ate?  No man earns punishment, no man
 earns reward.  Free your mind of the idea of *deserving*, of *earning*, and
 you will begin to be able to think.
 -- Odo, The Prison Letters (Ursula LeGuin, _The Dispossessed_)
%%
Do not spit on the floor --- it is forbidden to discuss politics in public!
%%
Do not stick it where it does not belong. Yeah, RIGHT!
 -- Rule #52
%%
Do not stop to ask what is it;
 Let us go and make our visit.
 -- T. S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
%%
Do not taunt the Happy Fun Ball.  If Happy Fun Ball starts to smoke, run
away and take cover.
%%
Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us all without
words?
 -- Marcel Marceau (1923-) French actor, pantomimist
%%
Do not they bring it to pass by knowing that they know nothing at all?
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Andria, The Prologue, 17
%%
Do not think that what is hard for thee to master is impossible for
man; but if a thing is possible and proper to man, deem it attainable
by thee.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vi, 19
%%
Do not throw the arrow which will return against you.
 -- Kurdish proverb
%%
Do not touch the medium, she might be ticklish.
%%
Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
day as it comes.
 -- Donald Kaul
%%
Do not try to trick us. We can tell.
 -- Grebnedlog, "Samaritan Snare", stardate 42779.1
%%
Do not turn back when you are just at the goal.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 580
%%
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
%%
Do not underestimate the value of print statements for debugging.
Don't have aesthetic convulsions when using them, either.
%%
Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate
   English quid pro quo.
 -- Writing Rule 22
%%
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Do not use extension cords except for temporary (less than one day) use.
%%
Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million
   can use it effectively.
 -- Writing Rule 25
%%
Do not videotape your child in the bathtub. Do not name your child after a
 Scandinavian deity or any aspect of the weather.
 -- Daniel Menaker
%%
Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
 -- Mother Teresa
%%
Do not wish to be anything but what you are and try to be that perfectly.
 -- St. Francis De Sales
%%
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the
power of your hand to do so.
 -- Proverbs 3:27
%%
Do not write in this space ( ) Thank You!
%%
Do not X-ray.
%%
Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
%%
Don't abbrev.
 -- Writing Rule 14
%%
Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.
 -- Edgar W. Howe
%%
Don't accept rides from strange men--and remember that all men are as
 strange as hell.
 -- Robin Morgan
%%
Don't act, think.
 -- David Lean
%%
Don't always think that eveybody is laughing at you - that way, when they *are*
laughing at you, you won't miss the joke.
 -- Steve Gardner
%%
Don't anthropomorphize computers.  They don't like it.
%%
Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a
fool from any side.
 -- Yiddish proverb
%%
Don't ask me!!!
%%
Don't ask me any questions. I just might tell you the truth.
%%
Don't ask me--I have intermittent memory loss
%%
Don't ask me. I just work here.
%%
Don't ask me. I was hired for my looks.
%%
Don't ask of your friends what you yourself can do.
 -- Quintus Ennius
%%
Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.
 -- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
Don't assume that someone has gone through a hair-raising experience, it's
 likely just hair spray.
%%
Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead to
psychological
problems.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
Don't attempt to find order in road system.
 -- MA Driving #4
%%
Don't bathe if there is no water.
 -- Shan Proverb
%%
Don't be afraid to be outrageous; the critics will shoot you down anyway.
 -- Laurence Olivier (to Anthony Hopkins)
%%
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated.
You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
 -- David Lloyd George
%%
Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.
 -- Grace Hansen
%%
Don't beam me up yet Scotty... I'm having a Sh..i...i....i
%%
Don't become a concert pianist.  They use the soft pedal as *well*
as the damper.  Be thankful you never liked organs, because you don't
stand a chance.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Don't become Roadkill on the "Data Super-Hype-Way".
%%
Don't be dismayed at good-byes.  A farewell is necessary before you
can meet again.  And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is
certain for those who are friends.
 -- Richard Bach
%%
Don't be irreplaceable--if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
%%
Don't believe anything you read and only half of what you see.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Don't believe a word she says, Monsieur!  The sheep, they are all LIARS!
 -- A French citizen attempting to dissuade THE BADGER
%%
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
%%
Don't believe in superstition - it brings bad luck.
%%
Don't believe in the Uzi, it just went off in my hand.
%%
Don't believe them, don't believe them, question everything you're told.
%%
Don't believe you're smarter than you are: you'll lose.
%%
Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All
 they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of
 themselves.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
`Don't be modest. You are not good enough to be modest.'
 -- Einstein
%%
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
%%
Don't be ridiculous!
%%
Don't be sharp or flat; just be natural.
 -- Willie Stargell
%%
Don't be silly.  If this was really the ship's Self-Destruct Button,
 do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?
%%
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
 -- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat
%%
Don't be so humble, you're not that great.
 -- Golda Meir (1898-1978), to a visiting diplomat
%%
Don't be so proud of this technological terror you've created.  The
ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power
of the force.
 -- Darth Vader to Imperial Commander (Star Wars)
%%
 Don't be terse.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Don't be the first to use it: pioneers live in mud huts.
%%
Don't be the first to use it: you can tell the pioneers
by the arrows in their backs.
%%
Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subleties
 obvious also.
 -- Billy Wilder
%%
Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it.
 -- Lisa Toddler
%%
Don't blame me--I voted for Cthulhu
%%
Don't blame me! I was dancing Friday night!
%%
Don't blame me--I was raised by humans
%%
Don't Bogart that joint.
%%
Don't bother about money: only Leprechauns and shopkeepers are interested.
%%
Don't bother me. I've got my three miracle minimum.
When the Pope signs my sainthood papers, I'm outta here!
%%
Don't bother to brag about your ancestors, since the records fail to show
 that Adam and Eve were ever married!
%%
Don't break it if you can't fix it.
 -- Marketing manager
%%
Don't breath, be oblivious!
 -- random thought generator
%%
Don't brood.  Get on with living and loving.  You don't have forever.
 -- Leo F. Buscaglia
%%
Don't build more nukes until we use the ones we have.
%%
Don't burn your bridges behind you.
%%
Don't call it a lie, call it "changing your mind."
 -- Liberal Rule #18
%%
DON'T call me dude, dude.
%%
Don't call someone a bad name if they have a loaded pistol; don't call your
 girlfriend Tina if her name is Vivien.
 -- George Underwood
%%
Don't care if you're rich or not, as long as you can live
comfortably and have everything you want.
%%
Dont'cha hate it when that happens?
%%
Don't change horses in midstream.
%%
Don't change Stevenson just for the fun of rewriting him. You can kill a
 classic with "improvements." A big, sprawling novel, say Bleak House, you
 have to pare down to a continuity that will hold an audience for ninety or
 a hundred minutes. But remember, Jekyll and Hyde already has a continuity.
 We don't have to waste time hammering out a story line. What you have to do
 is visualize it, think of every scene as the camera will see it and not as
 you--or Stevenson--would describe it in prose.
 -- B. P. Schulberg (to his son Budd)
%%
Don't change the reason, just change the excuses!
 -- Joe Cointment
%%
Don't claim that you know everything-
besides not being true,
it's very irritating
to those of us who do.
%%
"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
sincerely, extremely dangerously.
%%
Don't come back until you have him, the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
sincerely, extremely dangerously.

They used dogs.    They used probes.  They used cardio plate crossoffs.
They used teepers.  They used bribery.  They used stick tites.  They
used intimidation.  They used torment.  They used torture.  They used
finks.  They used cops.  They used search and seizure.  They used
fallaron.  They used betterment incentives.  They used finger prints.
They used the bertillion system.  They used cunning.  They used guile.
They used treachery.  They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.
They used applied physics.  They used techniques of criminology.  And
what the hell, they caught him.

 -- Harlan Ellison, Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man
%%
Don't come close to me.
I explode on contact.
 -- Seen on a bumper sticker
%%
Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
%%
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
%%
Don't complain, don't explain.
 -- Henry Ford II
%%
Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
 -- Janis Joplin, American singer
%%
Don't confuse me with the facts - my mind is made up.
%%
Don't confuse the water with the pump.
 -- Tom Wolfe
%%
Don't contemplate any action that will bring down the wrath of God.
%%
Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
%%
Don't count your bridges before you burn them.
%%
Don't cross the river if you can't swim the tide.
 -- America
%%
"Don't cry down my back baby, you might rust my spurs"
 -- Stupid country song titles #4
%%
Don't cry over spilt milk, let the cat in to enjoy your misfortune.
%%
"Don't cut any wood baby, 'cause I'll be comin' home with a load"
 -- Stupid country song titles #13
%%
Don't despair over futility; remember, it also rains over the ocean.
%%
Don't despair -- your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
%%
Don't destroy the world in the first chapter--you'll
find you need it later
%%
Don't diddle code to make it faster -- find a better algorithm.
%%
Don't discount flying pigs before you have good air defense.
 -- jvh@clinet.FI
%%
Don't dispute death unless you've lived through it.
%%
Don't disturb my friend - he's dead tired.
 -- Commando
%%
Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir a mess unless you
can be sure of the result).
%%
Don't do anything you wouldn't be willing to explain on television.
 -- Arjay Miller
%%
Don't do blue.
 -- Red Skelton
%%
Don't document the program; program the document.
%%
 "Don't Do It" by Yul B. Sawry
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Don't do it.

 -- The First Rule of Program Optimization
Don't do it yet.
 -- The Second Rule of Program Optimization (For experts only)
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
:Don't do that, then!: [from an old doctor's office joke about a
   patient with a trivial complaint] Stock response to a user
   complaint.  "When I type control-S, the whole system comes to a
   halt for thirty seconds."  "Don't do that, then!" (or "So don't
   do that!").  Compare {RTFM}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Don't do things half-assed.   If a thing is worth doing at all, it's
worth doing as well as you can possibly do it.  Pick out something you
think is worthwhile and do it or work at it with passion.  Do it with
all your might.
 -- Hugh Young
%%
Don't do this at home - do it at someone else's!
%%
Don't dream it!  Be it!
 -- Frank N. Furter
%%
Don't drink when you drive -- you might hit a bump and spill it.
%%
Don't drop acid, take it pass-fail!
 -- Bryan Michael Wendt
%%
Don't eat too many almonds; they add weight to the breasts.
 -- Colette
%%
Don't edit reality for the sake of simplicity.
%%
"Don't embarrass us."
  "Have I ever?"
 -- Buckaroo Banzai and Perfect Tommy in BUCKAROO BANZAI
%%
Don't engage in arguments, but if cornered, ask an irrelevant question
and lean back with a satisfied grin while your opponent tries to figure
out what's going on - then quickly change the subject.
%%
Don't even think of parking here!
 -- Sign outside the Jailhouse in Orofino, Idaho.
%%
Don't ever become a pessimist, Ira; a pessimist is correct oftener
than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun -- and neither can
stop the march of events.
 -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough For Love
%%
Don't ever forget to remember that double negatives are a no no and you
 don't never use them.
%%
Don't ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did
once, because the faster you go, the later you think you are.
 -- Jack Handey
%%
Don't ever have sex with someone in your office.  Wait until you get home.
%%
Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it and
 if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Don't ever slam the door; you might want to go back.
 -- Don Herold
%%
Don't ever speak more clearly than you think...
 -- Attributed to Neils Bohr
%%
Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.
 -- G.K. Chesterton
%%
Don't ever tell anyone they ain't free, 'cos they're gonna get real busy
 killin' and maimin' just to prove they are.
 -- Terry Southern (script for Easy Rider)
%%
Don't everyone thank me at once.
%%
Don't fall before you're pushed.
 -- English Proverb
%%
Don't fear change, embrace it.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things.  The
saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions:  could have,
might have, and should have.
 -- Louis E. Boone
%%
Don't feed the bats tonight.
%%
Don't feel insecure or inferior! Remember, you're ORGANIC!!
You could win an argument with almost any rock!
%%
Don't fight forces; use them.
 -- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
%%
Don't fight it - It's bigger than both of us.  In your case
that verges on the incredible.
 -- Cerebus
%%
Don't fight the problem, decide it.
 -- Gen. George C. Marshall
%%
Don't flinch, boys--they're shooting at me, not you.
 -- Brigadier General Philip Kearney to his men,
 -- Battle of Williamsburg, May 5, 1862
%%
Don't follow trends, start trends.
 -- Frank Capra
%%
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
 -- Anthony's Law of Force
%%
   Don't forget about the importance of the family. It begins with
the family. We're not going to redefine the family. Everybody knows the
definition of the family. [Meaningful pause] A child. [Meaningful pause] A
mother. [Meaningful pause] A father. There are other arrangements of the
family, but that is a family and family values.
   I've been very blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful
family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have
a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I
believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in
our platform, is to talk about it.
   I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that we
want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my
family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three
children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all
have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of
civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family.
And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this
Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family
means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing
that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Don't forget, get even.
%%
Don't forget! Large dogs are MUCH harder to kill than little dogs.
%%
Don't forget that "Mother In Law" is an anagram of "Woman Hitler."
%%
Don't forget to swing hard, in case you hit the ball.
 -- Woodie Held
%%
...don't forget W.A.S.T.E. in Pynchon's "The Crying of Lot 49".
%%
Don't gamble. Take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it
 'til it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Don't gamble with security.
%%
Don't get even, get ahead!
%%
Don't get even... get mad!
 -- THE KILLING JOKE
%%
Don't get even--get odd.
 -- Swami Beyondananda
%%
Don't get hit.
 -- First rule of fighting
%%
Don't get mad, get even.
 -- Robert F. Kennedy
%%
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
%%
Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly
misleading.  Debug only code.
 -- Dave Storer
%%
Don't get up too early in the morning, because the early bird gets the
 worm, and no matter how you try to prepare it, breakfast is just awful.
%%
Don't get your knickers in a twist.
%%
Don't give any money to TV preachers.
 -- Toonces
%%
Don't give a woman advice: one should never give a woman anything she can't
 wear in the evening.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Don't give me that intelligent life stuff - give me something I can blow up.
%%
Don't give me that kinkier-than-thou attitude.
%%
Don't give them perfection every time or they'll come to expect it.
%%
Don't give up, I'm proud of who you are.
%%
Don't give up, push a pawn.
%%
Don't give up the ship! Give up the captain.
%%
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
  nothing. It was here first.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Don't go away, I mean, computer save program.
 -- Geordi, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
DON'T go!!  I'm not HOWARD COSELL!!  I know POLISH JOKES...  WAIT!!
 Don't go!!  I AM Howard Cosell!...  And I DON'T know Polish jokes!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Don't go into situations where you are reduced
to less than what you are
 -- Maruchi Santana
%%
Don't go shopping for anything and you will inevitably come back with
 something and whatever it is that you purchased will be the thing you did
 not need.
%%
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
%%
Don't go to business school.
 -- Paul Hawken (to aspiring entrepreneurs)
%%
Don't guess - check your security regulations.
%%
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.   Hate me because I'm beautiful, smart
and rich.
 -- Calvin Keegan
%%
Don't hate yourself in the morning - Sleep till noon.
%%
Don't have a cow, Homer!
 -- Bart, from The Simpsons
%%
Don't hit me!!  I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
%%
Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain.  They steal your energy and keep
you from love.
 -- Leo F. Buscaglia
%%
Don't honk - I'm pedaling as fast as I can.
 -- Bumpersticker
%%
Don't ignore details.  Lick them.
%%
Don't I know you?
%%
Don't invest all your money in just one or two stocks. That's the danger. I
 know a man who put all his money in just two stocks, a paper-towel company
 and a revolving-door outfit. He was wiped out before he could turn around.
 -- Dave Astor
%%
Don't investigate this too closely.
 -- Don Bellisario, re: "Quantum Leap"
%%
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till its gone?
%%
Don't jump on a man unless he's down.
 -- Finley Peter Dunne
%%
Don't just do something. Stand there and ponder.
%%
Don't just flirt--hit me with a clue-by-four.
%%
Don't just stand there--buy something!
%%
Don't just stand there--scratch my back!
%%
Don't keep a negative attitude, such as
"I will not succeed, I will not succeed."
Instead, keep a positive attitude:
"I WILL fail.  I WILL fail."
 -- Charles Kurak
%%
Don't kill the whale.
%%
Don't knock masturbation---it's sex with someone I love.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Don't knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.
%%
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a
conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Don't laugh... your daughter loves me.
%%
Don't laugh - your daughter might be in here.
 -- Bumpersticker on old truck
%%
Don't lean on me, man, 'cuz you couldn't get a ticket
back from Suffragette City
 -- David Bowie
%%
Don't learn from other peoples mistakes, it's more fun to go out and make
them yourself!
%%
Don't learn the tricks of the trade - learn the trade.
%%
Don't leave any fun in the Bank when you die.
 -- Rule #1
%%
Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.
 -- Mae West
%%
Don't let grades be a measure of your dream; measure your education by
    your determination to achieve that dream.
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
 -- last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)
%%
Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to
begin where he was.
 -- Richard L. Evans
%%
Don't let love interfere with your appetite.  It never does with mine.
 -- Anthony Trollope
%%
Don't let people drive you crazy,
when you know it's in walking distance.
%%
Don't let the best you have done so far be the standard for the rest of you
life.
%%
Don't let the computer bugs bite!
%%
Don't let the fact that you can't do all you want to do keep you
from doing what you can do.
%%
Don't let the little guy think for the big guy.
%%
Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now -- I am not grieving.
 -- Steven Stills
%%
Don't let the same dog bite you twice.
 -- Chuck Berry
%%
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
%%
Don't let your mouth write a check that your tail can't cash.
 -- Bo Diddley
%%
Don't let your superiors know you're better than they are.
 -- First Rule of Superior Inferiority
%%
Don't lie if you don't have to.
 -- Leo Szilard
%%
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
 -- [A knowledgeable person can determine, with reasonable accuracy,
 -- the age of a horse, based on how far the teeth are worn]
[Noli equi denti inspicere donati]
 -- Saint Jerome
%%
Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
%%
Don't look back, something might be gaining on you.
 -- Satchell Page
%%
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
%%
Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #03
%%
Don't look forward to the day you are going to stop suffering and getting
 frustrated, since when it comes, you are dead!
%%
...Don't look much like Southampton Docks to me, my lord.
What?
Well, those streams of molten lava and that steaming mangrove swamp...
  And that crowd of beckoning natives rubbing their tummies and
  pointing to a pot...
...Oh, God...
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Potato
%%
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
%%
Don't look now, but the waiter behind you
is about to stab you in the back with a red hot poker.
%%
Don't look to me. Don't ask for help.    Don't ask for anything that you
  can do yourself.
 -- Lemmy Kilmister
%%
Don't lose heart...
 -- White's Statement
...they might want to cut it out...
 -- Owen's Commentary on White's Statement
...and they want to avoid a lengthy search.
 -- Byrd's Addition to Owen's Commentary
%%
Don't lose your head to gain a minute.
 You need your head, your brains are in it.
 -- Burma Shave
%%
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
%%
Don't make a molehill out of a can of beans.
%%
Don't make me speak in a New Language,
 Just let me tell you the way that I feel about you.
 I sure don't want to offend anyone,
 But if you take away my words, how can I tell you the truth?
 -- Moe Berg of TPOH
%%
Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat
 you like dogs.
 -- Martha Scott
%%
Don't make your living with your mouth.
 -- Mary Kate McCabe
%%
Don't malign the bug-eyed monster- Oh, he kidnaps girls, it's true,
But bear in mind that all he wants to do is what YOU'RE trying to do.
%%
Don't mark the spot where you bury the hatchet.
%%
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
%%
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy.
 -- Murphy's Real Law
%%
Don't mess with the crude, rude dude, when he's not in the mood.
%%
Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
%%
Don't mind me--I'll just bleed.
%%
Don't misunderstand me. I have great respect for your father.
You do not speak with respect.
She seems very adversarial.
I am merely stating a fact, Admiral.
 -- Admiral Haftel and Lal, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
Don't mock the insecure.
%%
Don't mourn, organize.
 -- Pete Seeger (from Joe Hill)
%%
Don't never join no organization that says it will accept you as a member,
 because such an organization isn't worth joining anyway, so it ain't worth
 your time to join the thing, cause they ain't got no standards whatsoever.
%%
 Don't never use no triple negatives.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
 Don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Don't open a shop unless you know how to smile.
 -- Jewish proverb
%%
Don't open your eyes, you won't like what you see; the devils of truth
steal the souls of the free... don't open your eyes, take it from me.
I have found you can find happiness in slavery...
%%
Don't order a drink for the road,
because the road is already laid out.
 -- Flip Wilson
%%
Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
%%
Don't Panic. Count to ten ... then Panic!
%%
Don't Panic! It's all right. Everything is going to be just fine.
%%
Don't Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace
bypass.
%%
Don't Panic.
 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires."
 -- John McSherry
%%
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist,
 but you have ceased to live.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamp-post.
%%
Don't pet burning dogs.
%%
Don't play dumb.  You're not as good at it as I am.
 -- Colonel Flagg, M*A*S*H
%%
Don't play for safety--it's the most dangerous thing in the world.
 -- Hugh Walpole
%%
Don't play hack at your work, your boss might hit you.
%%
Don't play President - you're not. The Constitution provides for only one
President. Don't forget it and don't be seen by others as not understanding
that fact.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Don't play "stupid" with me - I'm better at it.
%%
Don't praise the bread until it is baked.
%%
Don't preach to me by faith, but rather by truth.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Don't pry into the affairs of others.
%%
Don't push me. I'm going 55. I've done 75; The fine was $49.
%%
Don't put all your eggs in your pocket.
 -- Celestine Clark
%%
Don't put in any time with Willie Horton visiting on weekends unless you
 can stand the publicity of appearing on a Republican ad for the Presidency
 of the United States.
%%
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy
 it today you can do it again tomorrow.
%%
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can forget about entirely'
 -- Borderline's "The wisdom of Confushion"
%%
Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today.
%%
Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- The Little Gypsy (La Gitanilla)
%%
Don't question luck.
 -- Roberto Mesa
%%
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
%%
Don't read everything you believe.
%%
Don't read this sentence!
%%
Don't refuse to go on an occasional wild goose chase -- that's what
wild geese are for.
%%
Don't reinvent the wheel, just realign it.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Don't remember what you can infer.
 -- Harry Tennant
%%
Don't run faster than your shoes.
 -- Scottish saying
%%
Don't rush a miracle man.  You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
 -- From "The Princess Bride"
%%
Don't rush me--I'm dawdling as fast as I can!
%%
Don't salt other people's food.
 -- Bulgarian Proverb
%%
Don't SANFORIZE me!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Don't say no to indifference, just ignore it and it will go away.
%%
Don't say the same thing more than once. It's redundant and repetitious.
%%
Don't SAY things. What you ARE stands over you the
while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you
say to the contrary.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 -- Social Aims
%%
Don't say yes until I finish talking.
 -- Darryl F. Zanuck
%%
Don't send my boy to Harvard, the dying mother said. Don't send my
boy to Harvard, I'd rather see him dead.
%%
Don't settle for anything less than a Seiko Sports 100.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Don't shake hands [in the courthouse] with colleagues; the customers think
you're making deals.
 -- Horace Rumpole (John Mortimer)
%%
Don't shoot the pianist.
%%
Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
%%
Don't smoke in bed, the ashes that fall on the carpet may be your own.
%%
Don't smother each other.  No one can grow in the shade.
 -- Leo F. Buscaglia
%%
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
%%
Don't speak ill of your predecessors (or successors) - you did not
walk in their shoes.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence.
 -- Spanish proverb
%%
Don't spend two dollars to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the
 Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next
 morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
 -- Billiam Coronel
%%
Don't start comparing yourself to me. It'll just make you crazy.
%%
Don't start something you would be afraid to see finished.
%%
DON'T STEAL - The government hates competition.
%%
Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Don't step on my scarf!
%%
Don't stop at one bug.
%%
Don't stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding.
%%
Don't store garlic near other victuals.
 -- Lazurus Long
%%
Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are
walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
%%
Don't surround yourself with yourself.
%%
Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in!
 -- Brazil
%%
Don't swap horses in the middle of the stream.
 -- 1864 Abraham Lincoln Re-Election Slogan
%%
Don't sweat it, it's only ones and zeros.
%%
Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
%%
Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a
 chef.
 -- Andy Rooney
%%
Don't take life so seriously... it's only a temporary situation.
%%
Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent.
 -- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
%%
Don't take life too seriously.  You'll never get out alive.
 -- Bugs Bunny
%%
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.
 -- Hubbard's Law
%%
Don't take the wrong side of an argument just because your opponent
has taken the right side.
 -- Baltasar Gracian
%%
Don't take yourself too seriously. And don't be too serious about not
 taking yourself too seriously.
 -- Howard Ogden
%%
Don't talk to me about a man's being able to talk sense; everyone
can talk sense- can he talk nonsense?
 -- William Pitt the Elder
%%
Don't talk to me about disclaimers!  I invented disclaimers!
 -- The Censored Hacker
%%
Don't tap your foot--it makes your arms get tired.
 -- Thelonious Monk (to his bass player)
%%
Don't teach your children what to think; just teach them to think.
 -- Tannenbaum
%%
Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
%%
Don't tell anyone I said but we're live on National TV...
%%
Don't tell a soul you found a secret door, otherwise it isn't secret anymore.
%%
Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her,
 and all roads will open to you.
 -- Jules Renard
%%
Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't
tell them where they know the fish.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done.
 -- James J. Ling
%%
Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
get more wax!!
%%
Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud.
%%
Don't tell your friends their social faults: they will cure the fault and
 never forgive you.
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith
%%
Don't they have a rule about letting fags in the cafeteria?"

"Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes.
 -- Heathers
%%
Don't think; let the machine do it for you!
 -- E. C. Berkeley
%%
Don't think of him as a Republican, think of him as the man I love;
and if that doesn't work, think of him as the man who can crush you.
 -- John F. Kennedy Jr., on how cousin Maria Shriver
 -- introduced uncle Teddy Kennedy to hubby Arnold Schwarzenegger.
%%
Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to
 keep a total stranger alive.   It's really a total stranger giving
 up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.
%%
Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm.
 -- Malayan Proverb
%%
Don't think.  Thinking is the enemy of creativity.  It's self-conscious,
and anything self-conscious is lousy.  You can't try to do things.
 You simply must do things.
 -- Ray Bradbury
%%
Don't think too hard ... you might hurt yourself.
 -- Victor Moore
%%
Don't think twice ... it's alright.
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
Don't think you're funny. It'll never work if you think you're funny.
 -- George Abbott (to an actor in a comic role)
%%
Don't throw away the old bucket until you know if the new one holds water.
 -- Swedish proverb
%%
Don't throw stones at your neighbors, if you expect to buy their natural gas.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Don't throw stones at your neighbors' if your own windows are glass.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Don't torture yourself...that's my job.
%%
Don't tread on me!
%%
Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #47
%%
Don't trust seagulls to explain anything.  It's a *fork*, and don't
forget it.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Don't try this at home, kids. This should only be done by
trained, professional idiots.
 -- Plucky Duck
%%
Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough.
 -- Arthur Freed
%%
Don't try to buy at the bottom and sell at the top. This can't be
 done--except by liars.
 -- Bernard Baruch
%%
Don't try to engage my enthusiasm--I haven't got one.
%%
Don't try to fix the students, fix ourselves first. The good teacher makes
 the poor student good and the good student superior. When our students
 fail, we, as teachers too, have failed.
 -- Marva Collins
%%
Don't try to have the last word. You might get it.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Don't try to join the "hit parade."
 -- Pete Seeger
%%
Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free
with my breakfast cereal.
 -- Zaphod Beeblebrox, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Don't try to stem the tide -- move the beach.
 -- Bing's Rule
%%
Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Don't use a run on sentence you got to punctuate it.
 -- Writing Rule 09
%%
 Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Don't use contractions in formal writing.
%%
 Don't use no double negatives
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
 Don't use question marks inappropriately?
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Don't use tautological, repetitive or redundant statements.
 -- Writing Rule 32
%%
Don't use your conscious past, use your creative imagination to create a
 past that belongs to your character. I don't want you to be stuck with your
 own life. It's too little! It's too bitty-caca.
 -- Stella Adler
%%
Don't vote. The government will get in.
 -- Anarchist's Slogan
%%
Don't wait for answers, just take your chances, don't ask me why
 -- B.Joel
%%
Don't wait for people to be friendly; show them how.
%%
Don't wait for pie in the sky when you die! Get yours now, with ice cream
 on top!
 -- Reverend Ike (Frederick J. Eikerenkoetter II)
%%
Don't wait for the last judgement - it takes place every day.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.  Don't walk behind me, I may
not lead.  Walk beside me, and just be my friend.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
Don't wanna cause a big s-s-sensation,
 just talkin' 'bout my g-g-generation.
 -- The Who
%%
Don't worry about a thing because every little thing is gonna be alright.
 -- Bob Marley
%%
Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
avoiding you.
 -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
%%
Don't worry about it. I'll worry about it.    I was going to be up late
  anyway.
 -- Joe Walsh
%%
Don't worry about ladders in your stockings.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
     Don't worry about opposition.
     Remember, a kite rises against the wind, not with it.
 -- HAMILTON WRIGHT MABIE
%%
Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.   If your ideas are any
good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
 -- Howard Aiken
%%
Don't worry about polls, but if you do, don't admit it.
 -- Rosalynn Carter
%%
Don't worry about the war.  It's all over but the shooting.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It's already
  tomorrow in Australia.
 -- Charles Schultz
%%
Don't worry about things that you have no control over, because you
 have no control over them.   Don't worry about things that you have
 control over, because you have control over them.
 -- Mickey Rivers
%%
Don't worry about who you step on when you're on the
way up if you don't plan on coming down.
%%
Don't worry about your heart. It will last you as long as you live.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Don't worry.  Baldrick has a cunning plan.
%%
Don't worry. Be happy.
 -- Bobby McFerrin
%%
Don't worry--be silly!
%%
Don't worry--Cthulhu LIKES your sense of humor.
%%
Don't worry, I can handle it.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Don't worry, I could go on all night!
Not with a bayonet through your neck, you couldn't.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Goodbyeee...
%%
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
 -- Mosher's Law of Software Engineering
%%
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac,
 you can always take something for it.
%%
Don't worry--I know my glamour is the sort that terrifies weaklings.
%%
Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo...
%%
Don't worry, it doesn't bite.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Don't worry, it's not loaded.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Don't worry, it's safe.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Don't worry, lightning never strikes twice in the same.
%%
Don't worry, Mr.B. I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
Yes, Baldrick, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem
  of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head...
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either!
 ..  FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING,
 BLACK STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY!..  Are there any QUESTIONS??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.
They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
%%
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.
They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking of them.
 -- Edelstein's Advice
%%
Don't worry son, the marines don't mind killing Martians.
 -- Army philosophy in "Invaders from Mars"
%%
Don't worry; the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
%%
Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my
 level, are infinitesimal.
%%
Don't worry until the chickens are dead.
 -- Shane
%%
Don't Write On Walls!
 -- Graffiti O' the Week
You want I should type?
 -- underneath
%%
Don't write stage directions. If it is not apparent what the character is
 trying to accomplish by saying the line, telling us how the character said
 it, or whether or not she moved to the couch, isn't going to aid the case.
 -- David Mamet
%%
Don't write the program before you've designed it.
%%
 Don't you do it!  Don't you dare!  I don't want to hear it!
 Don't you beep!  If you beep, I'll...  don't even think about
 it!...  Don't...!
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
%%
Don't you just hate rhetorical questions?
 -- Charlie Gibbs
%%
Dont you just love a place that takes away your name and gives you a number.
%%
Don't you know it's gonna be All right?
%%
 ... don't you know that there are things, in the best of us, which
no outside should dare to touch?  Things sacred because, and only
because, one can say: 'This is mine'?  Don't you know that we live
only for ourselves, the best of us do, those who are worthy of it?
Don't you know that there is something in us which must not be touched
by any state, by any collective, by any number of millions?
 -- Kira Argounova
%%
Don't you know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk.
 -- Tom Waits
%%
Don't you know we're riding on the Marrakesh Express?
%%
'Don't you know what good, clean fun is?'
'No, what good is it?'
 -- Benny Hill
%%
Don't you look at me in that tone of voice
%%
Don't you think the important thing when you're freezing to death is to
 keep your cool?
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
Don't you think you're being rather high-handed, young man?   You
  thought you saw a young girl enter the yard.  You imagine you heard
  her voice.  You believe she might be hidden inside there. [ It's not
  very substantial, is it?]
 -- Doctor, An Unearthly Child
%%
Don't you wish you were where you were
when you were wishing you were here? 
%%
:donuts: n.obs. A collective noun for any set of memory bits.  This
   usage is extremely archaic and may no longer be live jargon; it
   dates from the days of ferrite-{core} memories in which each bit
   was implemented by a doughnut-shaped magnetic flip-flop.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Door locked.  Try control-alt-delete
 -- WindowError: 016
%%
:doorstop: n. Used to describe equipment that is non-functional and
   halfway expected to remain so, especially obsolete equipment kept
   around for political reasons or ostensibly as a backup.  "When we
   get another Wyse-50 in here, that ADM 3 will turn into a doorstop."
   Compare {boat anchor}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dope will get you through times of no money better that money will get
you through times of no dope.
 -- Gilbert Shelton
%%
:do protocol: [from network protocol programming] vi. To perform an
   interaction with somebody or something that follows a clearly
   defined procedure.  For example, "Let's do protocol with the
   check" at a restaurant means to ask for the check, calculate the
   tip and everybody's share, collect money from everybody, generate
   change as necessary, and pay the bill.  See {protocol}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dorian Graying:
 The unwillingness to gracefully allow one's body to show signs
of aging.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Do right, and you will be conspicuous.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Twain's notebook as reported by Albert Bigelow Paine, Mark Twain:
A Biography (New York: Harper and Brothers, 1912)
%%
Dorion, ridiculing the description of a tempest in the "Nautilus"
of Timotheus, said that he had seen a more formidable storm in a boiling
saucepan.
 -- Athenaeus (c. 200 AD)
 -- The Deipnosophists, viii, 19
%%
Doroga k Zvjozdam Otkrita.
[The way to the stars is open.]
 -- Sergei Koroljov
%%
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and
millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines
in use wordwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches
are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a
higher life form.
 -- New York Times, November 26, 1991
%%
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something...
%%
DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1.
%%
DOS is the greatest computer virus ever written
 -- UNIX user
%%
DOS is todays CP/M - Windows is tomorrows CP/M.
%%
DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
%%
'Do-so' is more important than 'say-so'.
 -- Pete Seeger
%%
Do something big -- fuck a giant.
%%
Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule
 for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Do something for the joy of doing it and pray you won't be punished.
 -- Sammy Cahn
%%
Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
%%
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
%%
D.O.S. - program designed to make an even flow of dust round the disk.
%%
DOS: Tells a computer what to do with itself
%%
Dos thou strive for perfection?
%%
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
%%
DOS Tip : Don't use DOS.
%%
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff
life is made of.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
Dost thou not know, my son, with how little wisdom the world is governed?
 -- Count Oxenstierna
%%
DOS + Windows + ATM < OS/2 2.0
%%
Do televangelists do more than lay people?
%%
:dot file: [UNIX] n. A file that is not visible by default to
   normal directory-browsing tools (on UNIX, files named with a
   leading dot are, by convention, not normally presented in directory
   listings).  Many programs define one or more dot files in which
   startup or configuration information may be optionally recorded; a
   user can customize the program's behavior by creating the
   appropriate file in the current or home directory.  (Therefore, dot
   files tend to {creep} --- with every nontrivial application
   program defining at least one, a user's home directory can be
   filled with scores of dot files, of course without the user's
   really being aware of it.)  See also {profile} (sense 1), {rc
   file}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Do the routine fast and first. Do the planning slow and thorough.
%%
"Do they still keep track of me at the Agency?"
  "We heard you married some old Nazi."
"He was NOT a Nazi -- he was Austrian."
  "So was Hitler."
"Yes, but *he* had no sense of humor."
 -- A wonderful exchange between Glenda Jackson and
 -- Walter Matthau in HOPSCOTCH, a film well worth searching out
%%
Doth perfect beauty stand in need of praise at all? Nay; no more than
law, no more than truth, no more than loving kindness, nor than modesty.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 20
%%
Do toilet seats really protect us against anything?
 Falling in comes to mind.
%%
Do to the other fellow as he would do unto you. But for God's
 sake do it first!
%%
Double!
%%
Double-Blind Experiment, n.:
  An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is
fooling both the subject and the lab assistant.  Often accompanied by a
belief in the tooth fairy.
%%
:double DECkers: n. Used to describe married couples in which both
   partners work for Digital Equipment Corporation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
:doubled sig: [USENET] n. A {sig block} that has been included
   twice in a {USENET} article or, less commonly, in an electronic
   mail message.  An article or message with a doubled sig can be
   caused by improperly configured software.  More often, however, it
   reveals the author's lack of experience in electronic
   communication.  See {BIFF}, {pseudo}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Double your drive space! Delete Windows!
%%
Double your intelligence or no money back!
 -- Gary Larson
%%
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
Doubt is not a pleasant condition but certainty is an absurd one.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.
 -- Paul Tillich, German theologian and historian
%%
Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.
%%
Doubt not but angling will prove to be so pleasant that it will prove
to be, like virtue, a reward to itself.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 1
%%
Doubt thou the stars are fire;
  Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
  But never doubt I love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see.  Judge yourself and
you see judges everywhere.  But if you listen to the sound of your
own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment.  And you can see
forever.
 -- Nancy Kerrigan
%%
Do under others as you would have them do under you.
%%
Do unto others what you would, and then split before they realize what you
 have done.
%%
Do unto your data that which you can undo.
%%
Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.
 -- Goerge Ade
%%
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
%%
Do we have any more animals that Grandma can torture?
 -- NOTHING IN COMMON
%%
Do we know much about women? Do we? We don't. We know when they're happy,
 we know when they're crying, we know when they're pissed off. We just don't
 know what order those are gonna come at us.
 -- Evan Davis
%%
Do well and right, and let the world sink.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Country Parson, Chap. xxix
%%
Do we really want the people who solved the S & L
crisis to solve the education crisis?
%%
Dowered with the hate of hate, the scorn of scorn,
The love of love.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Poet
%%
Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
%%
Do whatever you like, but not here.
%%
Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do.
 -- Gary Novak
%%
Do whatever you want. You don't matter.
%%
Do what I mean, not what I say!
%%
Do what is right, though the world may perish.
 -- Immanuel Kant
%%
Do what keepeth thou from wilting shall be the law of the Hole.
%%
Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law, but then
there is always chaos to consider.
%%
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Do what you do in Hollywood.  Run drinks, tend bar, gerbil racing.
 -- James Wood,  The Hard Way
%%
DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD, YOU DAMN FISH!!
 -- Aquaman
%%
Do what you wanna, do what you will;
 Just don't mess up your neighbor's thrill.
 And when you pay the bill, kindly leave a little tip
 To help the next poor sucker on his one-way trip.
 -- Frank Zappa, You Are What You Is
%%
Do what you want with the girl, but leave me alone!!
 -- George Carlin
%%
do while, do until,
do case, do-wah-ditty.
 -- The four basic building blocks of a structured program
%%
Do witches run spell checkers?
%%
:down: 1. adj. Not operating.  "The up escalator is down" is
   considered a humorous thing to say, and "The elevator is down"
   always means "The elevator isn't working" and never refers to
   what floor the elevator is on.  With respect to computers, this
   term has passed into the mainstream; the extension to other kinds
   of machine is still hackish.  2. `go down' vi. To stop
   functioning; usually said of the {system}.  The message from the
   {console} that every hacker hates to hear from the operator is
   "System going down in 5 minutes".  3. `take down', `bring
   down' vt. To deactivate purposely, usually for repair work or
   {PM}.  "I'm taking the system down to work on that bug in the
   tape drive."  Occasionally one hears the word `down' by itself
   used as a verb in this vt. sense.  See {crash};
   oppose {up}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Down at the drug-store lunch counter I had time to inhale two cups
of coffee and a melted cheese sandwhich with two slivers of ersatz
bacon embedded in it, like dead fish in the silt at the bottom of a
drained pool.
 -- Raymond Chandler
%%
down-chuck
(downn tsh-uhk) v.: to re-ingest vomit at the last possible moment.
Compare: "bumgulp"
%%
:download: vt. To transfer data or (esp.) code from a larger `host'
   system (esp. a {mainframe}) over a digital comm link to a smaller
   `client' system, esp. a microcomputer or specialized peripheral.
   Oppose {upload}.

   However, note that ground-to-space communications has its own usage
   rule for this term.  Space-to-earth transmission is always `down'
   and the reverse `up' regardless of the relative size of the
   computers involved.  So far the in-space machines have invariably
   been smaller; thus the upload/download distinction has been
   reversed from its usual sense.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Down-Nesting:
 The tendency of parents to move to small, guest-room-free
houses after children have moved away so as to avoid children aged 20
to 30 who boomeranged home.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Down on exam day... there is nothing lonlier... nothing so final...
nothing so cruel... expecially if you haven't studied.
 -- The Swamp
%%
Down on your knees,
And thank Heaven, fasting, for a good man's love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
"Downpour" by Wayne Dwops
%%
Down to the C in chips.
%%
 Down with categorical imperatives.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Down with everything that's up.
 -- Malcolm Muggeridge
%%
Down with government, up with anarchy!
%%
Down with ignurance!
%%
Do you accept Christ as your personal saviour?
 Well, I've already got AT&T as my long distance carrier.
%%
Do you agree?
 -- Blake
Do I have a choice?
 -- Avon
Yes
 -- Blake
Then I agree
 -- Avon
%%
Do you believe in reason?
%%
Do you believe the Washington Monument looks anything like George Washington?
 -- Brother Dave Gardner
%%
Do you cheat on your wife? asked the psychiatrist.
Who else? answered the patient.
%%
Do you come here often?
%%
"Do you consider $10 a week enough for a longshoreman with
a family to support?"

"If that's all he can get, and he takes it, I should say it's enough."
 -- J. P. Morgan (1837-1913)
%%
Do you doubt me?
I doubt any god who inflicts pain for his own pleasure.
 -- "God" & McCoy, "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
Do you ever feel like putting your fist through a window just so you can
feel something?
%%
Do you ever get feelings of Deja Vu?

Do you ever get feelings of Deja Vu?
%%
Do you feel that excitement of being a woman in the '90s? Maybe it's just
 static cling.
 -- Rhonda Hansome
%%
Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Do you have a job?
%%
Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Do you have lysdexia?
%%
Do you have PK? [yn]
I can't tell you how much that moves me.
%%
Do you have statistics to back up that statement?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
Do you have trouble making up your mind?
Well, yes and no.
%%
Do you know
0320 ... APL?             0321 ... Ada?
0322 ... BCPL?            0323 ... C++?
0324 ... C?               0325 ... Comal?
0326 ... Eiffel?          0327 ... Forth?
0328 ... Fortran?         0329 ... Hypertalk?
0330 ... Icon?            0331 ... Lisp?
0332 ... Logo?            0333 ... MIIS?
0334 ... MUMPS?           0335 ... PL/I?
0336 ... Pilot?           0337 ... Plato?
0338 ... Prolog?          0339 ... RPG?
0340 ... Rexx (or ARexx)? 0341 ... SETL?
0342 ... Smalltalk?       0343 ... Snobol?
0344 ... VHDL?            0345 ... any assembly language?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Do you know about being with somebody?  Wanting to be?  If I had
  the whole universe, I'd give it to you, Janice.  When I see you,
  I feel like I'm hungry all over.  Do you know how that feels?
 -- Charlie Evans, "Charlie X," stardate 1535.8.
%%
Do you know back at the turn of the century how
 long it took to cross Manhattan on horse?  What
 the average speed was?  Seven miles an hour.  You know
 what it is today?  Exactly the same, seven miles
 an hour.
 -- John Denver
%%
Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
I will be three months November 8th.
Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
Yes.
What were you and your husband doing at that time?
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a lightbulb?
No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
%%
Do you know how many of those pills it takes to prevent a super baby?
 Lois Lane
%%
Do you know how to use
0275 ... an oscilliscope?
0276 ... a voltmeter?
0277 ... a frequency counter?
0278 ... a logic probe?
0279 ... a wirewrap tool?
0280 ... a soldering iron?
0281 ... a logic analyzer?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Do you know it when you're being obnoxious?
%%
Do you know JESUS? If so, tell him he owes me $2.
%%
Do you know me with my clothes on?
%%
   Do you know Presidents talk to the country the way men talk to
women?  They say, Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything
will be all right.    And what happens?  Nine months later, you're in
trouble!
 -- Murphy's Discovery
%%
 Do you know that disease and death must needs overtake us, no matter
what we are doing?   What do you wish to be doing when it overtakes you? If
you have anything better to be doing when you are so overtaken, get to work
on that.
 -- Epictetus
%%
Do you know that doing your best is not good enough?   First you must know
 what to do.
 -- manufacturing-quality theorist W. Edwards Deming
%%
Do you know that you're one of the few predator species that preys
  even on itself?
 -- Trelane, "The Squire of Gothos," stardate 2124.5.
%%
Do you know the difference between jogging and sex? No! Then you'd better
 keep jogging.
%%
"... do you know the hallmark of a second-rater?  It's resentment
 of another man's achievement.  Those touchy mediocrities who
 sit trembling lest someone's work prove greater than their
 own... They envy achievement, and their dream of greatness is
 a world where all men have become their acknowledged inferiors.
 They don't know that that dream is the infallible proof of
 mediocrity, because that sort of world is what the man of
 achievement would not be able to bear... Have you ever felt
 the longing for someone you could admire?  For something,
 not to look down at, but up to?"
%%
Do you know the meaning of rigor mortis? Well, you will in a minute.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Do you know the one -- "All I ask is a tall ship...and a star to
  steer her by..."  You could feel the wind at your back, about you...
  the sounds of the sea beneath you.  And even if you take away the
  wind and the water, it's still the same.  The ship is yours...you
  can feel her...and the stars are still there.
 -- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4729.4.
%%
Do you know what a pessimist is? A person who thinks everybody is as
nasty as himself and hates them for it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Do you know what a squiggle is?
 -- John Dann, Computer Graphics lecture
%%
Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means?
%%
Do you know what Freud said about dreams of flying? It means you're really
  dreaming about having sex.
 Indeed?  Tell me, then, what does it mean when you dream about having sex?
 -- Morpheus and Rose Walker
%%
Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half?  Someone gets mad
 at you.  I found this out the hard way.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Do you know what I'd like to do if there weren't so many people around?
Break a chair across my teeth?
Well, after that.
Ain't love grand?
 -- Picard & Capt. Louvois, "The Measure of a Man", stardate 42523.7
%%
Do you know what I learned from you? I learned what is possible, and now I
must hold out for what I thought we had. I want to be very close to someone
I respect and admire and have somebody who feels the same way about me.
That or nothing. I realized that what I'm looking for is not what you're
looking for. You don't want what I want.
What do you think I want? I asked.
Exactly what you have. Many women you know a little and don't care very
much about. Superficial flirtations, mutual use, no chance of love. That's
my idea of hell. Hell is a place, a time, a consciousness, Richard, in
which there is no love. Horrible! Leave me out of it.
 -- Richard Bach, Spoken by Leslie Parrish, The Bridge Across Forever
%%
Do you know what it's like  alone, really alone? [They gave me] weapons,
  shelter, food -- everything I needed to live -- except companionship ...
  to send me here alone -- if that is not death, what is?
 -- Zarabeth of Sarpeidon, "All Our Yesterdays," stardate 5943.9.
%%
Do you know what prizes the communists are now offering for recruiting
new party members?

If you get one new member, you don't pay dues. Two new members, you
can quit the party. And for three, you get a certificate saying you
were never a member.
%%
Do you know what's wrong with the world? England is in Palestine, Italy is
 in Ethiopia, Russia is in Spain, Germany is in Austria, Japan is in
 China--nobody stays home!
 -- Ed Wynn
%%
Do you know what the penalty is for disobeying orders, Blackadder?
Um...courtmartial followed by immediate cessation of chocolate rations?
 -- Cpt. Darling and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
 8 something.
%%
Do you know what you're talking about?
%%
Do you know what you see?  Do you see what you know?
%%
Do you know where your towel is?
%%
Do you know why the fairy sits at the top of the Xmas tree ?

 One year, Santa had one tree left over after giving everybody one, and when
 one of his fairy helpers asked what she should do with it, he told her.

 That`s why.
%%
Do you know yesterday I saw a fox in Picadilly?
 -- Mike Yates, INVASION OF THE DINOSAURS
%%
Do you like being like you are?
%%
Do you like good music? That sweet Soul Music.
 -- Atlantic Records
%%
Do you like living in confusion?
%%
..  Do you like ``TENDER VITTLES?''?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Do you love it do you hate it
There it is the way you made it
 -- Frank Zappa, "Brown Shoes Don't Make It"
%%
Do you mean I should just sit down, shut up, and wait?
Well, I wouldn't have put it quite like that.
 -- Picard and Riker, "Time Squared", stardate 42679.2
%%
Do you mind if I come inside, Mr. Dahmer?
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Do you mind if I jump up on your head? I feel like a walk around the block.
 -- Jack Kirkwood
%%
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
%%
Do you need help getting out of here?
%%
Do you need help getting out of the maze?
%%
Do you need me for anything, or shall I just sit here and rust?
 -- Marvin, the paranoid android
%%
Do you need some help crossing the river?
%%
Do you need some help to escape?
%%
Do you own your desires?
%%
Do you realise the responsibility I carry?  I'm the only person standing
between Richard Nixon and the White House.
%%
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take
 the time to take the dirt out of them?
%%
Do you realize that you are responsible for making this organization
a cost, rather than a profit, center?
%%
Do you really believe that fear of the damage that you could inflict with
your .22 Squirrel Blaster is the only thing keeping the government in
check?
 -- Mark Oehlert
%%
Do you rent yourself out as sandpaper?
 -- Carolyn Scheppner
%%
Do your homework and keep good files. Know the background and biases of
 your sources.
 -- Jane Brody
%%
Do your kids a favor--don't have any.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Do you seek Alcides' equal? None is, except himself.
 -- Seneca (8 BC)
 -- Hercules Furens, i, 1, 84
%%
Do you see what you don't know?  Do you know what you don't see?
%%
"Do you sometimes have a kind of Deja Vu ?"
"No, but I could ask for it in the kitchen."
 -- from the movie "Groundhog Day"
%%
Do you speak English?
Ah...a little.
Yes - when you say 'a little' what exactly do you mean, I mean
  can we talk, or are we going to spend the rest of the afternoon
  asking each other the way to the beach in very loud voices?
No - I can order coffee...deal with waiters...make sexy chit-chat
  with girls, that sort of thing...just don't ask me to take a
  physiology class or direct a light opera...
 -- Edmund and Count Frufru - Nob and Nobility
%%
Do you still remember your last cookie?
%%
Do you think anyone's ever bitten their tongue and then decided to eat the
 rest?
 -- Drake Sather
%%
Do you think God gets stoned?  I think so...look at the Platypus.
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Do you think I was born in a wood to be afraid of an owl?
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes?
%%
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped
 out a quarter?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Do you think the ``Monkees'' should get gas on odd or even days?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Do you think there's a God?"
"Well, SOMEbody's out to get me!"
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
Do you think the service station could sell me Midnight Oil?
Well no, but they did sell me ice
Then to the Optometrist for R.E.M.
They said it was my mind, not my eyes
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
"Do you think the State or any other institution should do
more for writers?"

The State should do no more for writers than it should do for
any other person who lives in it.  The State should give shelter, food,
warmth, etc., whether the person works for the State or not.  Choice of
work, and the money that comes from it, should then be free for that
man; what work, what money, is his own bother.
 -- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?"
  "Of course it's wrong! It's illegal!"
"I've never done anything illegal before."
  "I thought you said you were an accountant?"
 -- Two characters in "A Private Function"
%%
 Do you think you can manage a smile? It's only for a fiftieth of a
 second.
 -- Frank Modell
%%
Do you think you'll be the guy to make the Queen of the Angels sigh?
%%
Do you think your father and I should have lived comfortably so long
together if ever we had been married? 
%%
Do you wake up in the morning feeling sleepy and grumpy? Then you must be
 Snow White!
 -- David Frost
%%
Do you want fries with that?
 -- McDonald's slogan
%%
Do you want this to become violent?
 -- Wesley to Rondon, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
Do you want to know what's wrong with you?
%%
Do you want to see my list of top ten pickups, you might get a few pointers.
%%
Do you want to see something swell?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Do you want to visit hell? Dig a *very* deep hole.
%%
==========================================
| ,dP""8a "888888b,  d8b    "888b  ,888" |
| 88b   "  888  d88 dPY8b    88Y8b,8888  |
| `"Y8888a 888ad8P'dPaaY8b   88 Y88P888  |
| a,   Y88 888    dP    Y8b  88  YP 888  |
| `"8ad8P'a888a  a88a;*a888aa88a   a888a |
|                ;*;;;;*;;;*;;;*,,       |
|        _,---'':::';*;;;*;;;*;;*d;,     |
|     .-'      ::::::::::';*;;*;dII;     |
|   .' ,<<<,.  :::::::::::::::ffffff`.   |
|  / ,<<<<<<<<,::::::::::::::::fffffI,\  |
| .,<<<<<<<<<<I;:::::::::::::::ffffKIP", |
| |<<<<<<<<<<dP;,?>;,::::::::::fffKKIP | |
| ``<<<<<<<dP;;;;;\>>>>>;,::::fffKKIPf ' |
|  \ `mYMMV?;;;;;;;\>>>>>>>>>,YIIPP"` /  |
|   `. "":;;;;;;;;;i>>>>>>>>>>>>>,  ,'   |
|     `-._``":;;;sP'`"?>>>>>=========.   |
|         `---..._______...|<[Hormel |   |
|                          `========='   |
=====================================(FL)=
%%
:DPB: /d*-pib'/ [from the PDP-10 instruction set] vt. To plop
   something down in the middle.  Usage: silly.  "DPB yourself into
   that couch there."  The connotation would be that the couch is
   full except for one slot just big enough for one last person to sit
   in.  DPB means `DePosit Byte', and was the name of a PDP-10
   instruction that inserts some bits into the middle of some other
   bits.  Hackish usage has been kept alive by the Common LISP function
   of the same name.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DPC     Decrement program counter
%%
:DP: /D-P/ n. 1. Data Processing.  Listed here because,
   according to hackers, use of the term marks one immediately as a
   {suit}.  See {DPer}.  2. Common abbrev for {Dissociated
   Press}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:DPer: /dee-pee-er/ n. Data Processor.  Hackers are absolutely
   amazed that {suit}s use this term self-referentially.
   *Computers* process data, not people!  See {DP}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
DPMI    Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent
%%
DPN     Double Precision No-op (Bobby Baum)
%%
DPR     Destroy Program
%%
DPR     Distribute Packages Randomly
%%
DPS     Disable Power Supply
%%
Dracula died in vain.
%%
DRAF    DRAw Flowchart
%%
Draft beer, not people.
%%
Draft
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 08
%%
Draft politicians, not human beings.
 -- antidraft slogan coined by Jeff Daiell, 1979
%%
:Dragon Book: n. The classic text "Compilers: Principles,
   Techniques and Tools", by Alfred V. Aho, Ravi Sethi, and Jeffrey D.
   Ullman (Addison-Wesley 1986; ISBN 0-201-10088-6), so called because
   of the cover design featuring a dragon labeled `complexity of
   compiler design' and a knight bearing the lance `LALR parser
   generator' among his other trappings.  This one is more
   specifically known as the `Red Dragon Book' (1986); an earlier
   edition, sans Sethi and titled "Principles Of Compiler Design"
   (Alfred V. Aho and Jeffrey D. Ullman; Addison-Wesley, 1977; ISBN
   0-201-00022-9), was the `Green Dragon Book' (1977).  (Also `New
   Dragon Book', `Old Dragon Book'.)  The horsed knight and the
   Green Dragon were warily eying each other at a distance; now the
   knight is typing (wearing gauntlets!) at a terminal showing a
   video-game representation of the Red Dragon's head while the rest
   of the beast extends back in normal space.  See also {{book
   titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:dragon: n. [MIT] A program similar to a {daemon}, except that
   it is not invoked at all, but is instead used by the system to
   perform various secondary tasks.  A typical example would be an
   accounting program, which keeps track of who is logged in,
   accumulates load-average statistics, etc.  Under ITS, many
   terminals displayed a list of people logged in, where they were,
   what they were running, etc., along with some random picture (such
   as a unicorn, Snoopy, or the Enterprise), which was generated by
   the `name dragon'.  Usage: rare outside MIT --- under UNIX and most
   other OSes this would be called a `background demon' or
   {daemon}.  The best-known UNIX example of a dragon is
   `cron(1)'.  At SAIL, they called this sort of thing a
   `phantom'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dragon Obedience School Dropout
%%
Dragonriders do it in between
%%
"Dragon?  What dragon?"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
DRAGOON, n.  A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal
measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on
horseback.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:drain: [IBM] v. Syn. for {flush} (sense 2).  Has a connotation
   of finality about it; one speaks of draining a device before taking
   it offline.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
%%
DRAMATIST, n.  One who adapts plays from the French.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
 (Drawling granny voice:)  Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we
 didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine.  You jusht
 had to call and call until shummbody got home.  Now, shum
 people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a
 lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage.  Thanksh a lot.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
Draw your salary before spending it.
%%
DRD     Drop Dead (crashes everything)
%%
DR      Detach Root
%%
:dread high-bit disease: n. A condition endemic to PRIME (a.k.a.
   PR1ME) minicomputers that results in all the characters having
   their high (0x80) bit ON rather than OFF.  This of course makes
   transporting files to other systems much more difficult, not to
   mention talking to true 8-bit devices.  Folklore had it that PRIME
   adopted the reversed-8-bit convention in order to save 25 cents per
   serial line per machine; PRIME old-timers, on the other hand, claim
   they inherited the disease from Honeywell via customer NASA's
   compatibility requirements and struggled heroically to cure it.
   Whoever was responsible, this probably qualifies as one of the
   most {cretinous} design tradeoffs ever made.  See {meta bit}.
   A few other machines have exhibited similar brain damage.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dreading the climax of all human ills, The inflammation of his weekly bills.
 -- Byron
%%
Dream after dream ensures, and still they dream that they shall still
succeed, and still are disappointed.
 -- William Cowper
%%
 (Dreamily:)  "Dewdrop, in your pure fresh waters, let me wash
 these dirty hands of life."  (Roughly:)  Now, *that's* what I
 call a message!  If yours is at least that good, maybe I'll call
 you back...
 -- Answering machine madness - miscellaneous
%%
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely
insane every night of our lives.
 -- William Dement
%%
Dreams are necessary to life.
 -- Anais Nin
%%
Dreams are the touchstones of our characters.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?
%%
Dreams, indeed, are ambition; for the very substance of the ambitious
is merely the shadow of a dream. And I hold ambition of so airy and
light a quality that it is but a shadow's shadow.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Dreams never hurt anybody if you keep working right behind the dreams
to make as much of them become real as you can.
 -- Frank W. Woolworth
%%
:DRECNET: /drek'net/ [from Yiddish/German `dreck', meaning
   filth] n. Deliberate distortion of DECNET, a networking protocol
   used in the {VMS} community.  So called because DEC helped write
   the Ethernet specification and then (either stupidly or as a
   malignant customer-control tactic) violated that spec in the design
   of DRECNET in a way that made it incompatible.  See also
   {connector conspiracy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dress impressively like the French, speak with authority like the Germans,
 have blond hair like the Scandinavians, and speak of no American presidents
 except, Lincoln, Roosevelt, and Kennedy.
 -- Sylvaine Rouy Neves
%%
DRI     Disable Random Interrupt
%%
Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
you're crazy.
 -- Drillers to Edwin Drake, geologist, 1859
%%
Drilling for oil is boring.
%%
Drink and be whole again beyond confusion.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Drink Canada Dry!  You might not succeed, but it *is* fun trying.
%%
Drink, Drink, Drink, and be ill tonight.
 -- Morrisey
%%
Drinking and driving do not mix. Besides, even when you are just sitting in
 the car, the gasoline tastes terrible.
%%
Drinking can be hazardous to your health.
%%
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such
fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
DRINKING: No falling down. No puking-unless to empty
the stomach in order to continue drinking. No slurring
of words. Tell a few war stories: "See that scar? I
was in 'Nam and I ate a grenade and it blew up in my
colon." If your aim is off due to alcohol, it's
acceptable to punch someone in the head or solar
plexus.
 -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?"
%%
Drinking potions of booze may land you in jail if you are under 21.
%%
Drink injures a person internally, externally and eternally.
%%
Drink like a fish.  Try to get legless.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Timothy v, 23
%%
Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
 -- Knute Rockne
%%
Drink to-day, and drown all sorrow;
You shall perhaps not do 't to-morrow.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Bloody Brother, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Drink to me.
 -- Last words of Pablo Picasso
%%
Drink to me only with thine eyes,
  And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,
  And I 'll not look for wine.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- The Forest, To Celia
%%
Drink up.  The world's about to end.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Drink wet cement and you get really stoned.
%%
Drink ye to her that each loves best!
  And if you nurse a flame
That 's told but to her mutual breast,
  We will not ask her name.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Drink ye to Her
%%
Drink your coffee - there are people in India sleeping.
 -- Seen on a coffee cup
%%
Drive a car with an automatic transmission.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Drive A: not responding... Formating C: instead
%%
Drive carefully.  90% of the people in the world are caused by accidents.
%%
Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas; people could be staggering illegally.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
"Drive carefully - we can wait!"
 -- Sign in the Funeral Parlor
%%
Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream
%%
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
%%
Drive-in banks were invented so that automobiles
could visit their real owners.
%%
Drive is more than motivation. It is self motivation.
%%
:driver: n. 1. The {main loop} of an event-processing program;
   the code that gets commands and dispatches them for execution.
   2. [techspeak] In `device driver', code designed to handle a
   particular peripheral device such as a magnetic disk or tape unit.
   3. In the TeX world and the computerized typesetting world in
   general, a program that translates some device-independent or other
   common format to something a real device can actually
   understand.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Drive thy business, or it will drive thee.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
drive type not configured.
%%
Drive your cart and plow over the bones of the dead.
%%
Driving down the street at 150 miles per hour with a friend of mine on
 cruise control. Both of us in the back seat. The police pulled us over. They
 don't know who to arrest, nobody's driving. So, they arrested us both. I'm
 on the witness stand. You know the rest.
%%
Driving hasn't been the same since I installed
 the funhouse rearview mirrors. "What is that?"
%%
Driving makes you stupid; the more you drive, the stupider you get.
%%
Dr. McCoy, I hate your #*@%ing human guts.  Discussion?
%%
:droid: [from `android', SF terminology for a humanoid robot of
   essentially biological (as opposed to mechanical/electronic)
   construction] n. A person (esp. a low-level bureaucrat or
   service-business employee) exhibiting most of the following
   characteristics: (a) naive trust in the wisdom of the parent
   organization or `the system'; (b) a blind-faith propensity to
   believe obvious nonsense emitted by authority figures (or
   computers!); (c) a rule-governed mentality, one unwilling or unable
   to look beyond the `letter of the law' in exceptional
   situations; (d) a paralyzing fear of official reprimand or worse
   if Procedures are not followed No Matter What; and (e) no interest
   in doing anything above or beyond the call of a very
   narrowly-interpreted duty, or in particular in fixing that which is
   broken; an "It's not my job, man" attitude.

   Typical droid positions include supermarket checkout assistant and
   bank clerk; the syndrome is also endemic in low-level government
   employees.  The implication is that the rules and official
   procedures constitute software that the droid is executing;
   problems arise when the software has not been properly debugged.
   The term `droid mentality' is also used to describe the mindset
   behind this behavior. Compare {suit}, {marketroid}; see
   {-oid}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:drool-proof paper: n. Documentation that has been obsessively {dumbed
   down}, to the point where only a {cretin} could bear to read it, is
   said to have succumbed to the `drool-proof paper syndrome' or to
   have been `written on drool-proof paper'.  For example, this is
   an actual quote from Apple's LaserWriter manual: "Do not expose
   your LaserWriter to open fire or flame."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
drop cable -- what I'm tempted to do when I get my bill for HBO.
%%
Drop 'em.
 -- Pick up line
%%
:drop-ins: [prob. by analogy with {drop-outs}] n. Spurious
   characters appearing on a terminal or console as a result of line
   noise or a system malfunction of some sort.  Esp. used when these
   are interspersed with one's own typed input.  Compare
   {drop-outs}, sense 2.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:drop on the floor: vt. To react to an error condition by silently
   discarding messages or other valuable data.  "The gateway
   ran out of memory, so it just started dropping packets on the
   floor."  Also frequently used of faulty mail and netnews relay
   sites that lose messages.  See also {black hole}, {bit bucket}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:drop-outs: n. 1. A variety of `power glitch' (see {glitch});
   momentary 0 voltage on the electrical mains.  2. Missing characters
   in typed input due to software malfunction or system saturation
   (one cause of such behavior under UNIX when a bad connection to a
   modem swamps the processor with spurious character interrupts; see
   {screaming tty}).  3. Mental glitches; used as a way of
   describing those occasions when the mind just seems to shut down
   for a couple of beats.  See {glitch}, {fried}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying "Booga, Booga!"
%%
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying "UTS is out to lunch!"
%%
Drop the guy with the devil ears.
 -- NBC, June, 1965
%%
Drop the vase and it will become a ming of the past.
%%
Drop your trousers here for best results.
 -- Seen on a dry cleaner's window
%%
Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxiii, 21
%%
'Dr. Pepper':  Amaretto & Coke
%%
Dr. Soong did not intend me to be used this way.
 -- Data
%%
DRT     Disconnect Random Terminal
%%
Drug:  any substance which, when injected into a laboratory animal,
produces a publication.
%%
Drug free school zone is a contradiction in terms.
%%
:drugged: adj. (also `on drugs') 1. Conspicuously stupid,
   heading toward {brain-damaged}.  Often accompanied by a
   pantomime of toking a joint (but see {Appendix B}).  2. Of hardware,
   very slow relative to normal performance.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
...Drugged, by God!!
...No, by Baldrick, actually, but the effect is much the same..
 -- The Bishop and Edmund : Money
%%
Drugs are ruining your life.
%%
Drugs can make you feel *good*.
 -- Lt. Yar
%%
Drugs don't take people, people take drugs
 -- Abbie Hoffman
%%
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric
system.
 -- P.J. O'Rourke Vancouver Sun, Dec. 20, 1991
%%
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
%%
DRUIDS, n.  Priests and ministers of an ancient Celtic religion which
did not disdain to employ the humble allurement of human sacrifice.
Very little is now known about the Druids and their faith.  Pliny says
their religion, originating in Britain, spread eastward as far as
Persia.  Caesar says those who desired to study its mysteries went to
Britain.  Caesar himself went to Britain, but does not appear to have
obtained any high preferment in the Druidical Church, although his
talent for human sacrifice was considerable.
    Druids performed their religious rites in groves, and knew nothing
of church mortgages and the season-ticket system of pew rents.  They
were, in short, heathens and -- as they were once complacently
catalogued by a distinguished prelate of the Church of England --
Dissenters.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:drum: adj, n.  Ancient techspeak term referring to slow,
   cylindrical magnetic media that were once state-of-the-art storage
   devices.  Under BSD UNIX the disk partition used for swapping is
   still called `/dev/drum'; this has led to considerable humor
   and not a few straight-faced but utterly bogus `explanations'
   getting foisted on {newbie}s.  See also "{The Story of Mel, a
   Real Programmer}" in {Appendix A}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Drunkenness is the vice of a good constitution, or of a bad memory!
of a constitution so treacherously good, that it never bends till
it breaks; or of a memory that recollects the pleasures of getting
drunk, but forgets the pains of getting sober.
 -- Colton
%%
 (Drunken voice:)  You have reached Bob's hotline.  We are not
 able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions.  But if you
 leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder...  pa-a-a-a!
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Drunk: holds urinal for support. Pisses on his own shoe.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
:drunk mouse syndrome: (also `mouse on drugs') n. A malady
   exhibited by the mouse pointing device of some computers.  The
   typical symptom is for the mouse cursor on the screen to move in
   random directions and not in sync with the motion of the actual
   mouse.  Can usually be corrected by unplugging the mouse and
   plugging it back again.  Another recommended fix for optical mice
   is to rotate your mouse pad 90 degrees.

   At Xerox PARC in the 1970s, most people kept a can of copier
   cleaner (isopropyl alcohol) at their desks.  When the steel ball on
   the mouse had picked up enough {cruft} to be unreliable, the
   mouse was doused in cleaner, which restored it for a while.
   However, this operation left a fine residue that accelerated the
   accumulation of cruft, so the dousings became more and more
   frequent.  Finally, the mouse was declared `alcoholic' and sent
   to the clinic to be dried out in a CFC ultrasonic bath.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dr. X hasn't lectured a Cambridge group before, so he might be quite
 interesting.
%%
Dry hair's for squids.
 -- Trancers
%%
Dry humor is wasted around here.
 -- Joel L. Seber
%%
Dry sun, dry wind;
Safe bind, safe find.
 -- Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580)
 -- Washing
%%
DS      Deadlock System
%%
DSI     Do Something Interesting
%%
DSO     Disable System Operator
%%
DSPK    Destroy Storage Protect Key
%%
DSR     Detonate Status register
%%
DSTD    Do Something Totally Different
%%
DSUIT   Do Something Utterly, Indescribably Terrible
%%
DTB     Destructively Test Bit
%%
DTC     Destroy This Command
%%
DT%FFP  DecTape - Unload and Flappa-Flap
%%
DTI     Do The Impossible
%%
%d total pages, dump
%%
DTRT    Do The Right Thing
%%
DT%SHO  DecTape - Spin Hubs Opposite
%%
DTVFL   Destroy Third Variable From Left
%%
DUCK-BILL, n.  Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back
season.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Duckies can be fun!
%%
Ducks? What ducks?
%%
Duck who fly upside down have quack up.
%%
Duct Tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it
 holds the universe together. The only difference is that "May The Force be
 with you" sounds a lot nicer than "May you be covered in duct tape."
 -- Carl Swanzig
%%
Du da duh de duh da duh
 -- Angus Young
%%
DUD     Do Until Dead
%%
DU      Dump User
%%
DUEL, n.  A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two
enemies.  Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if
awkwardly performed the most unexpected and deplorable consequences
sometimes ensue.  A long time ago a man lost his life in a duel.

    That dueling's a gentlemanly vice
        I hold; and wish that it had been my lot
        To live my life out in some favored spot --
    Some country where it is considered nice
    To split a rival like a fish, or slice
        A husband like a spud, or with a shot
        Bring down a debtor doubled in a knot
    And ready to be put upon the ice.
    Some miscreants there are, whom I do long
        To shoot, to stab, or some such way reclaim
    The scurvy rogues to better lives and manners,
    I seem to see them now -- a mighty throng.
        It looks as if to challenge _me_ they came,
    Jauntily marching with brass bands and banners!
                                                          Xamba Q. Dar
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Due to a fairly new trend, funeral directors are urning a lot of money
 these days.
%%
Due to a lack of trained trumpeteers, the end of the world has been
 postponed indefinately.
%%
Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production
 of great leaders has been discontinued.
%%
Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel
has been turned off.  Thank you for your cooperation.
%%
Due to circumstances within our control, tomorrow will be cancelled.
%%
Due to inflation, all clouds will now be lined with zinc.
%%
Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been
discontinued.
%%
Due to lack of interest, next year is cancelled.
%%
Due to the postal strike, the assignment is extended to one week from
today.  I do not give out extensions without good reason.
 -- Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454
%%
Duh. . . I didn't know FORMAT C: did that?
%%
Duke. And what 's her history?
Vio. A blank, my lord. She never told her love,
But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud,
Feed on her damask cheek: she pined in thought,
And with a green and yellow melancholy
She sat like patience on a monument,
Smiling at grief.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Dulce bellum inexpertis.
(War is sweet to those who do not fight.)
 -- Gerard Didier Erasmus (c. 1465-1536)
%%
DULLARD, n.  A member of the reigning dynasty in letters and life.
The Dullards came in with Adam, and being both numerous and sturdy
have overrun the habitable world.  The secret of their power is their
insensibility to blows; tickle them with a bludgeon and they laugh
with a platitude.  The Dullards came originally from Boeotia, whence
they were driven by stress of starvation, their dullness having
blighted the crops.  For some centuries they infested Philistia, and
many of them are called Philistines to this day.  In the turbulent
times of the Crusades they withdrew thence and gradually overspread
all Europe, occupying most of the high places in politics, art,
literature, science and theology.  Since a detachment of Dullards came
over with the Pilgrims in the _Mayflower_ and made a favorable report
of the country, their increase by birth, immigration, and conversion
has been rapid and steady.  According to the most trustworthy
statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but
little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.  The
intellectual centre of the race is somewhere about Peoria, Illinois,
but the New England Dullard is the most shockingly moral.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
DULL
  Yes it is, isn't it.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:dumbass attack: /duhm'as *-tak'/ [Purdue] n. Notional cause of a
   novice's mistake made by the experienced, especially one made while
   running as {root} under UNIX, e.g., typing `rm -r *' or
   `mkfs' on a mounted file system.  Compare {adger}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:dumbed down: adj. Simplified, with a strong connotation of
   *over*simplified.  Often, a {marketroid} will insist that
   the interfaces and documentation of software be dumbed down after
   the designer has burned untold gallons of midnight oil making it
   smart.  This creates friction.  See {user-friendly}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dumb luck beats sound planning every time.  Trust me.
%%
dumb terminal -- a fatal case of stupidity.
%%
Dumb Terminal - doesn't understand what you're trying to get it to
do.  Intelligent Terminal - one that does understand what you're trying
to do, but is clever enough to screw up in an interesting way.
%%
:dumb terminal: n. A terminal that is one step above a {glass tty},
   having a minimally addressable cursor but no on-screen editing or
   other features normally supported by a {smart terminal}.  Once upon a
   time, when glass ttys were common and addressable cursors were
   something special, what is now called a dumb terminal could pass for
   a smart terminal.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:dump: n. 1. An undigested and voluminous mass of information about
   a problem or the state of a system, especially one routed to the
   slowest available output device (compare {core dump}), and most
   especially one consisting of hex or octal {runes} describing the
   byte-by-byte state of memory, mass storage, or some file.  In
   {elder days}, debugging was generally done by `groveling over'
   a dump (see {grovel}); increasing use of high-level languages
   and interactive debuggers has made such tedium uncommon, and the
   term `dump' now has a faintly archaic flavor.  2. A backup.  This
   usage is typical only at large timesharing installations.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
dump on %s fstype %s size %dK
%%
Dumpster Clocking:
 The tendency when looking at objects to guesstimate the amount
of time they will take to eventually decompose: "Ski boots are the
worst. Solid plastic. They'll be around till the sun goes supernova."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
:dumpster diving: /dump'-ster di:'-ving/ n. 1. The practice of
   sifting refuse from an office or technical installation to extract
   confidential data, especially security-compromising information
   (`dumpster' is an Americanism for what is elsewhere called a
   `skip').  Back in AT&T's monopoly days, before paper shredders
   became common office equipment, phone phreaks (see {phreaking})
   used to organize regular dumpster runs against phone company plants
   and offices.  Discarded and damaged copies of AT&T internal manuals
   taught them much.  The technique is still rumored to be a favorite
   of crackers operating against careless targets.  2. The practice of
   raiding the dumpsters behind buildings where producers and/or
   consumers of high-tech equipment are located, with the expectation
   (usually justified) of finding discarded but still-valuable
   equipment to be nursed back to health in some hacker's den.
   Experienced dumpster-divers not infrequently accumulate basements
   full of moldering (but still potentially useful) {cruft}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dump the condiments.   If we are to be eaten, we don't need to taste good.
 -- Visionaries cartoon
%%
Dum vivimus, vivamus.
%%
Dungeon expects every monster to do his duty.
%%
:dup killer: /d[y]oop kill'r/ [FidoNet] n. Software that is
   supposed to detect and delete duplicates of a message that may
   have reached the FidoNet system via different routes.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Duplex: Having two apartments.
%%
:dup loop: /d[y]oop loop/ (also `dupe loop') [FidoNet] n. An
   infinite stream of duplicated, near-identical messages on a FidoNet
   {echo}, the only difference being unique or mangled identification
   information applied by a faulty or incorrectly configured system or
   network gateway, thus rendering {dup killer}s ineffective.  If
   such a duplicate message eventually reaches a system through which
   it has already passed (with the original identification
   information), all systems passed on the way back to that system are
   said to be involved in a {dup loop}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Duras: "Kill me and you are a traitor forever!"
Worf: "Then that...is how it shall be!"
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
Duras: "What is *that* doing here?"
"He has claimed the right of vengence."
Duras: "You have no *rights* here, traitor."
Worf: "K'Ehleyr...was my mate."
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
Duras: "You shall not wear this emblem of our people!"
 -- "Sins Of The Father", Stardate 43685.2
%%
During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen
were blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall.  Suddenly a
red-faced country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted,
Hey, you almost hit my wife.
Did I?    cried the hunter, aghast.  Terribly sorry.   Have a
shot at mine, over there.
%%
During a hard period in Soviet history, the government showed _The_Grapes_Of_
_Wrath_ to the citizens, in an effort to show how much worse the United States
was.

All the citizens saw was that even the poorest Americans owned cars.
%%
During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has
 been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride
 and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both,
 superstition, bigotry, and persecution.
 -- James Madison
%%
During an exam, the pocket calculator battery will fail.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
During my eighty-seven years I have witnessed a whole succession
of technological revolutions. But none of them has done away with
the need for character in the individual or the ability to think.
 -- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
During the Asparagus Season, members are requested not to relieve
themselves in the hatstand.
%%
During the darkest days of World War II, when each night brought waves
of Luftwaffe bombers raining death and destruction on a near-defenseless
London, Prime Minister Churchill went on the air to address the British
people.  "I read this morning's paper that Herr Hitler plans to wring
England's neck like that of a chicken," he began, "and I was reminded of
what the Irish poacher said as he stood on the gallows.  Its seems the
poor fellow was approached by a well-meaning if somewhat overzealous priest
who, in horrific detail, described the unfading torments of Hades which
awaited him if he did not repent of his misdeeds.  The condemned man
listened patiently to all that the priest had to say, and when he was done,
grinned broadly and replied, 'Eat it raw, fuzz nuts.'"
%%
During the Depression era my mother found out how to save money. She used
 to cheat bus drivers. She got on a bus with a transfer a day old. And the
 driver said, "Lady, this is from yesterday." And she said, "You see how
 long I've been waiting for the bus?"
 -- Bob Melvin
%%
During the intervening years, this ex-American baseball player who
defected to the Soviet Union rose through the ranks to the height of
power, where he is now the single, behind-the-scenes controlling force
behind all Soviet policy decisions.  It is he to whom Reagan refers as
'The Evil Umpire'.
 -- Glen Raphael "Recent U.S. Foreign Policy"
%%
  During the invasion of Sicily in World War II, General
George ("Blood 'n' Guts") Patton was preparing to take the
city of Palermo.  He checked with his meteorologists and learned
the day he had chosen would be incredibly rainy.  So he issued
an order to place copies of the New York "Times" immediately
beneath the tailgates of the transports carrying his troops.
In this way the men could keep their feet dry.
  His staff was mystified.  Why the "Times"?  Why not the New
York "Daily News"?  Patton was adamant; and one did not argue
with the General.  As five tons of old copies of the "Times"
were being loaded, the General issued one of his greatest
quotes to the assembled war correspondents:
        "THESE ARE THE 'TIMES' THAT DRY MEN'S SOLES."
%%
During the last presidential campaign, Quayle should have said "Read my
 lips." Everything he says falls on deaf ears anyway.
%%
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on
 your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
   During the race
     We may eat your dust,
    But when you graduate,
    You'll work for us.
 -- Reed College cheer
%%
    During the Renaissance America began.  Christopher Columbus was a great
navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.  His ships
were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.  Later the Pilgrims
crossed the Ocean, and the was called the Pilgrim's Progress.  When they
landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill
rolling their was hoops before them.  The Indian squabs carried porposies on
their back.  Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their
cabooses, which proved very fatal to them.  The winter of 1620 was a hard one
for the settlers.  Many people died and many babies were born.  Captain John
Smith was responsible for all this.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
During these blessed color-days no cloud darkens the sky, the winds are gentle,
and the landscape rests, hushed everywhere, and indescribably impressive.
 -- John Muir
%%
During the summer, lots of young boys go through a great deal trying to
 prove that it actually IS suntan, and NOT dirt!
%%
During the White House Easter Egg Roll of 1991, Quayle signed autographs
using only his finger. He had prepared pre-signed cards which his aides
handed out while he made signing gestures. This allowed him to move briskly
and efficiently through the crowd, said his spokesman.
%%
During this past Christmas while I was on a shopping spree in a department
 store I heard a little five-year-old talking to his mother on the down
 escalator. He said, "Mommy, what do they do when the basement gets full of
 steps?"
 -- Hal Linden
%%
Durken: "I will have to say that this morning, I was the leader of the universe
  as I knew it.  This afternoon, I am only a voice in a chorus.  But I think it
  was a good day."
 -- "First Contact", Stardate unknown
%%
Dusk faces with white silken turbans wreath'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 76
%%
Dust-balls - The cheap man's tribble.
%%
Dust is an armor of poor quality.
%%
:dusty deck: n. Old software (especially applications) which one is
   obliged to remain compatible with, or to maintain ({DP} types
   call this `legacy code', a term hackers consider smarmy and
   excessively reverent).  The term implies that the software in
   question is a holdover from card-punch days.  Used esp. when
   referring to old scientific and {number-crunching} software,
   much of which was written in FORTRAN and very poorly documented but
   is believed to be too expensive to replace.  See {fossil};
   compare {crawling horror}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Duty is what one expects from others.
%%
DUTY, n.  That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit,
along the line of desire.

    Sir Lavender Portwine, in favor at court,
    Was wroth at his master, who'd kissed Lady Port.
    His anger provoked him to take the king's head,
    But duty prevailed, and he took the king's bread,
            Instead.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Duty  then  is the sublimest word in the English language.  You
 should do your duty in all things.  You can never do more, you should
 never wish to do less.
 -- General Robert E. Lee
%%
DVMA Parity Error, ctx = 0x%x, virt addr = 0x%x
%%
Dwain Dibbly! How can I be Dwain Dibbly?
 -- Cat from "Red Dwarf"
%%
DWARF RAPES NUN, FLEES IN UFO.
%%
DW      Destroy Work
%%
DW      Destroy World
%%
DWEEB: Dummy With Electrical Engineering Background.
%%
Dweller in yon dungeon dark,
Hangman of creation, mark!
Who in widow weeds appears,
Laden with unhonoured years,
Noosing with care a bursting purse,
Baited with many a deadly curse?
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Ode on Mrs. Oswald
%%
DWIM    Do What I Mean
%%
Dwindle, peak, and pine.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
 D'ya think the rain'll hurt the rhubarb?
     Not if it's in cans.
     What, the rain, or the rhubarb?...
 -- ?
 -- Raising Arizona
%%
Dying can be hazardous to your health.
%%
Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
 -- Sylvia Plath
%%
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.   And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
Dying is a wild night and a new road.
 -- Emily Dickinsom
%%
Dying is easy.  Comedy is hard.
%%
Dying ought to be done in black and white.  It is
 simply not a colorful activity.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
Dynamic linking error. Your mistake is now in every file.
 -- WindowError: 003
%%
:dynner: /din'r/ 32 bits, by analogy with {nybble} and
   {{byte}}.  Usage: rare and extremely silly.  See also {playte},
   {tayste}, {crumb}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Dyslexics have more fnu.
%%
Dyslexics of the world untie !
%%
Dyslexics untie! Together we can trip up the world
%%
Dyslexus:  the car for drivers who signal left and turn right.
%%
Dyspepsia is the remorse of a guilty stomach.
%%
EAC     Emulate Acoustic Coupler
%%
Each clerk will bring in a bucket of water and scuttle
of coal for the day's business.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Each day, enough people to fill St. Louis, Missouri, leave their homes to
 go to a land other than the one in which they are currently living. This is
 an excellent opportunity for those who handle baggage to lose a lot more
 than they are doing.
%%
Each day fill lamps, clean chimneys, and trim wicks. Wash
the windows once a week.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Each else is matched with the preceding un-elsed if.
%%
Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
 -- Anais Nin
%%
Each generation has its sages.  Ancient Greece had Socrates.
We have bumper stickers.
%%
Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that
went before it and wiser than the one that comes after it.
 -- "The Collected Essays, Journalism and Letters of George Orwell"
%%
Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy
based on excellence of performance.
 -- James Bryant Conant
%%
Each in his narrow cell forever laid,
  The rude forefathers of the hamlet sleep.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 4
%%
Each kiss is as the first.
 -- Miramanee, Kirk's wife, "The Paradise Syndrome," stardate 4842.6.
%%
Each life makes its own immitation of immortality.
 -- Stephen King
%%
Each lonely scene shall thee restore;
  For thee the tear be duly shed,
Belov'd till life can charm no more,
  And mourn'd till Pity's self be dead.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- Dirge in Cymbeline
%%
Each man can interpret another's experience only by his own.
 -- Thoreau
%%
Each Man must stand on his own!... Must answer to
his own God!...  I will probably WIN though...
 -- Flaming Carrot
%%
Each man reaps on his own farm.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Mostellaria, Act iii, Sc. 2, 112, (799.)
%%
Each man takes care that his neighbor shall not cheat him.  But a
day comes when he begins to care that he does not cheat his neighbor.
 Then all goes well -- he has changed his market-cart into a chariot
of the sun.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Each morning puts a man on trial and each evening passes judgment.
 -- Roy L. Smith
%%
Each natural agent works but to this end,--
To render that it works on like itself.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Bussy D'Ambois, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Each of us bears his own Hell.
%%
Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor
ought to be to set off that spark in one another.
 -- Kenny Ausubel
%%
 Each of us visits this Earth involuntarily, and without an invitation.
   For me, it is enough to wonder at the secrets.
 --         - Albert Einstein
%%
Each person has the right to take part in the management of public
affairs in his country, provided he has prior experience, a will
to succeed, a college degree, influential parents, good looks, a
resume, two 3X4 snapshots, and a good tax record.
 -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
Each person has the right to take the subway.
 -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her.
But once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide
how to play the cards in order to win the game.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Each portion of matter may be conceived of as a garden full of plants,
and as a pond full of fishes.  But each branch of the plant, each member
of the animal, each drop of its humors, is also such a garden or such a pond.
 -- Leibniz,  "Monadology"
%%
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
 -- Cliff Hanger Theorem
%%
Each problem solved introduces two new unsolved problems.
 --  Phil Green
%%
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve
other problems.
 -- Rene Descartes, Discours de la Methode
%%
Each profession talks to itself in its own unique language. Apparently
there is no Rosetta Stone.
%%
Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
 -- Writing Rule 01
%%
Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or
less seriously, proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and
enabline it to make its peace with its destiny.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Each system has its own way of consuming vast amounts of
paper: in socialist societies by filling large forms in
quadruplicate, in capitalist societies by putting up huge
posters and wrapping every article in four layers of
cardboard.
 -- Issawi's Observation on the Consumption of Paper
%%
Each team building another component has been using the most recent tested
version of the integrated system as a test bed for debugging its piece.  Their
work will be set back by having that test bed change under them.  Of course it
must.  But the changes need to be quantized.  Then each user has periods of
productive stability, interrupted by bursts of test-bed change.  This seems
to be much less disruptive than a constant rippling and trembling.
 -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" 
%%
Each time that Americans hold another election, about the only thing they
 learn is that they did not learn much from the last election.
%%
Each time you think you are about to be
able to make both ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
 -- Quality-of-Life Constant
%%
Each year, some 200 or more people die
 while watching televised football games.
 -- Things You Need to Know Department
%%
     Eager to know the result of a physics exam he had taken, my brother
asked his teacher, "How far am I from making an 'A' in this course?"
     Replied the instructor, "Do you want that in light years?"
%%
Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
 -- John Benfield
%%
Earlier, I couldn't finish anything. This time, I wi
%%
Early and provident fear is the mother of safety.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France,
 -- Speech on the Petition of the Unitarians, Vol. vii, p. 50
%%
Early, bright, transient, chaste as morning dew,
She sparkled, was exhal'd and went to heaven.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night v, Line 600
%%
Early dead, early wed.
 -- Hoary English Proverb
%%
Early Deaths
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 10
%%
Early to bed and early to rise, and you'll meet very few of our best
 people.
 -- George Ade
%%
Early to bed and early to rise,
Makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes.
%%
Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys/gals.
 -- THE FRANKLIN FACTOR
%%
Early to Bed, Early to Rise, Fish all day, And make up the Lies.
 -- Fishing Code
%%
Early to rise and early to bed
Makes a man healthy, but socially dead.
 -- The Wheel of Morality (Animaniacs)
%%
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.
 -- Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic
%%
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
%%
Earnestness alone makes life eternity.
 -- Carlyle
%%
Earnestness is just stupidity sent to college.
 -- P.J. O'Rourke
%%
Ears are what keep your feet from getting in your mouth.
 -- Anonym+us
%%
Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;
Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool
That did his will: but thou, O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool.
 -- E.R. Sill
%%
Earth changes, but thy soul and God stand sure.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Rabbi Ben Ezra
%%
Earth destroyed by solar flare.  Film at eleven.
 -- The last nightly news.
%%
Earth felt the wound; and Nature from her seat,
Sighing through all her works, gave signs of woe
That all was lost.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 782
%%
/earth:  file system full.
%%
Earth girls are easy.
%%
Earth has it's boundaries, but human stupidity is limitless.
 -- Flaubert
%%
Earth history, remember?  Like the passenger pigeon or the buffalo ...
  once there were millions of them; prairies black with them.  One herd
  covered three whole states.  When they moved -- like thunder.
 -- Professor Robert Crater, "The Man Trap," stardate 1513.8.
%%
/earth is 98% full ... please delete any un-necessary people.
%%
Earth is a beta site.
%%
Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
 -- Jeff Berner
%%
Earth is here so kind, that just tickle her with a hoe and she laughs
with a harvest.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- A Land of Plenty [Australia]
%%
Earthmen fear to bargain honestly.
 -- Kras the Klingon, "Friday's Child," stardate 3497.2.
%%
Earthment like Rameses, Alexander, Ceasar, Napoleon, Hitler, Lee Kuan.
  Your whole Earth history is made up of men seeking absolute power.
 -- Spock, "Patterns of Force," stardate 2534.7.
%%
Earth -- mother of the most beautiful women in the universe.
 -- Apollo, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1.
%%
:earthquake: [IBM] n. The ultimate real-world shock test for
   computer hardware.  Hackish sources at IBM deny the rumor that the
   Bay Area quake of 1989 was initiated by the company to test
   quality-assurance procedures at its California plants.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Earthquakes are Earth's way of saying, WAKE UP.
%%
Earth! render back from out thy breast
A remnant of our Spartan dead!
Of the three hundred grant but three
To make a new Thermopylae.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 86, 7
%%
Earth's biggest country 's gut her soul,
  An' risen up earth's greatest nation.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin', No. vii
%%
Earth shutting down in five minutes--please save all
files and log out
%%
          EARTH
      smog  |  bricks
 AIR   --  mud  --   FIRE
soda water  |  tequila
          WATER
%%
Earth's noblest thing,--a woman perfected.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Irene
%%
Earth sounds my wisdom and high heaven my fame.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book ix, Line 20
%%
Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in sure and certain
hope of the resurrection.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- The Burial Service
%%
Earth Tones:
 A youthful subgroup interested in vegetarianism, tie-dyed
outfits, mild recreational drugs, and good stereo equipment. Earnest,
frequently lacking in humor.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Eas'd the putting off
These troublesome disguises which we wear.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 739
%%
Ease leads to habit, as success to ease.
%%
Ease would recant
Vows made in pain, as violent and void.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 96
%%
Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
     Black.  Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the
cube, and each of side of the cube will now be the original color of
the plastic underneath -- black.  According to the instructions, this
means the puzzle is solved.
 -- Steve Rubenstein
%%
:Easter egg: [from the custom of the Easter Egg hunt observed in
   the U.S. and many parts of Europe] n. 1. A message hidden in the
   object code of a program as a joke, intended to be found by persons
   disassembling or browsing the code.  2. A message, graphic, or
   sound effect emitted by a program (or, on a PC, the BIOS ROM) in
   response to some undocumented set of commands or keystrokes,
   intended as a joke or to display program credits.  One well-known
   early Easter egg found in a couple of OSes caused them to respond
   to the command `make love' with `not war?'.  Many
   personal computers have much more elaborate eggs hidden in ROM,
   including lists of the developers' names, political exhortations,
   snatches of music, and (in one case) graphics images of the entire
   development team.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Easter egging: [IBM] n. The act of replacing unrelated components
   more or less at random in hopes that a malfunction will go away.
   Hackers consider this the normal operating mode of {field
   circus} techs and do not love them for it.  See also the jokes
   under {field circus}.  Compare {shotgun debugging}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Easter is cancelled. They've found the body.
 Christmas too. They've got the father.
%%
Easy Baby, you're almost a fire hazard!
 -- Varla
%%
Easy steeet is a blind alley.
%%
"Easy to use" is easy to say.
 -- Jeff Garber
%%
Eat 10 cloves of garlic and keep all humans at a two-square distance.
%%
Eat american lamb - Ten million coyotes can't be wrong.
%%
Eat a peach.
%%
Eat a prune and start a movement.
%%
Eat before shopping for food.
%%
Eat cereal for breakfast and write good prose.
 -- Raymond Carver
%%
Eat death, orphans!
 -- Duck's Breath Homemade Radio, SENSELESS CRUELTY
%%
Eat, drink and be merry, and tomorrow, you'll wish you were dead. When the
 credit card statement comes at the end of the month, you will get your
 wish.
%%
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
%%
Eat, drink and be merry...for tomorrow you may diet!
%%
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work.
%%
Eat few suppers, and you'll need few medicines.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
:eat flaming death: imp. A construction popularized among hackers by
   the infamous {CPU Wars} comic; supposedly derive from a famously
   turgid line in a WWII-era anti-Nazi propaganda comic that ran
   "Eat flaming death, non-Aryan mongrels!" or something of the sort
   (however, it is also reported that the Firesign Theater's
   1975 album "In The Next World, You're On Your Own" included the
   phrase "Eat flaming death, fascist media pigs"; this may have been
   an influence).  Used in humorously overblown expressions of
   hostility. "Eat flaming death, {{EBCDIC}} users!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Eating an orange on March l7th is indifferent, however, if you happen to be
 a spectator at a St. Patrick's Day Parade, it is much better for your
 health if you leave that orange at home.
%%
Eating the bitter bread of banishment.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Eat less than you think you want, eat with your intelligence, not your
 stomach. Never get up from the table with an inward, silent apology for
 being a pig.
 -- Coco Chanel
%%
Eat more possum.
 -- West Virginian bumper sticker
%%
Eat my SHORTS!
 -- Bart Simpson
%%
Eat not thy heart; which forbids to afflict our souls, and waste them
with vexatious cares.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
%%
 Eat shit! 1.9 trillion flies (estimation) can't be ALL wrong.
 -- Toilet graffiti
%%
Eat that pork, eat that ham, laugh till you choke on Billy Graham
 Moses, Aaron and Abraham, they're all a waste of time!
 -- The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing, Frank Zappa
%%
Eat to live, and not on thy Diner's Club Card.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Eat to live, live not to eat.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Eat triticale: 3.56 quadrillion tribbles can't be wrong.
%%
EAT, v.i.  To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of
mastication, humectation, and deglutition.
    "I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner," said Brillat-
Savarin, beginning an anecdote.  "What!" interrupted Rochebriant;
"eating dinner in a drawing-room?"  "I must beg you to observe,
monsieur," explained the great gastronome, "that I did not say I was
eating my dinner, but enjoying it.  I had dined an hour before."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, hack whenever.
%%
EAVESDROP, v.i.  Secretly to overhear a catalogue of the crimes and
vices of another or yourself.

    A lady with one of her ears applied
    To an open keyhole heard, inside,
    Two female gossips in converse free --
    The subject engaging them was she.
    "I think," said one, "and my husband thinks
    That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!"
    As soon as no more of it she could hear
    The lady, indignant, removed her ear.
    "I will not stay," she said, with a pout,
    "To hear my character lied about!"
                                                        Gopete Sherany
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
e   <--  Baby Tribble with bottle
%%
EBB     Empty Bit Bucket
%%
:EBCDIC:: /eb's*-dik/, /eb'see`dik/, or /eb'k*-dik/ [abbreviation,
   Extended Binary Coded Decimal Interchange Code] n. An alleged
   character set used on IBM {dinosaur}s.  It exists in at least six
   mutually incompatible versions, all featuring such delights as
   non-contiguous letter sequences and the absence of several ASCII
   punctuation characters fairly important for modern computer
   languages (exactly which characters are absent varies according to
   which version of EBCDIC you're looking at).  IBM adapted EBCDIC
   from {{punched card}} code in the early 1960s and promulgated it
   as a customer-control tactic (see {connector conspiracy}),
   spurning the already established ASCII standard.  Today, IBM claims
   to be an open-systems company, but IBM's own description of the
   EBCDIC variants and how to convert between them is still internally
   classified top-secret, burn-before-reading.  Hackers blanch at the
   very *name* of EBCDIC and consider it a manifestation of
   purest {evil}.  See also {fear and loathing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
EBR     Erase Before Reading
%%
EBRS    Emit Burnt Resistor Smell
%%
ECCENTRICITY, n.  A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ
it to accentuate their incapacity.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
EC      Eject Carriage
%%
:echo: [FidoNet] n. A {topic group} on {FidoNet}'s echomail
   system.  Compare {newsgroup}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ECL     Early Care Lace
%%
ECO     Electrocute Computer Operator
%%
Ecologists believe that a bird in the bush is worth two in the hand.
 -- Stanley C. Pearson
(On second thought, a bird in the hand is finger-licking good.)
%%
 ECONOMICS:  Develop a realistic plan to refinance the national
 debt.  Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following
 areas:  Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of
 light.  Outline a method for preventing these effects.  Criticize
 this method from all possible points of view, as demonstrated in
 your answer to the last question.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Economics, n.:
        Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K.
Galbraith ...
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
Economies of Scale: The notion that bigger is better.  In particular,
 that if you want a certain amount of computer power, it is much better
 to buy one biggie than a bunch of smallies.  Accepted as an article of
 faith by people who love big machines and all that complexity. Rejected
 as an article of faith by those who love small machines and all those
 limitations.
%%
Economists are people who work with numbers but don't have the personality
to be accountants.
%%
Economists can certainly disappoint you.  One said that the economy
would turn up by the last quarter.  Well, I'm down to mine and it
hasn't.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a
percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Economists were created to make weather forecasters look good.
 -- Economist David Jones
%%
Economy: Cutting down other people's wages.
 -- J.B. Morton
%%
Economy is of itself a great revenue.
 -- Cicero
%%
Economy makes men independent.
%%
ECONOMY, n.  Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for
the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ecosystems, schmecosystems.
 -- Exxon
%%
ECP     Erase Card Punch
%%
e-credibility: the non-guaranteeable likelihood that the electronic data 
you're seeing is genuine rather than somebody's made-up crap.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
EDD     Eat Disk and Die
%%
Eddie the Mouth was a vicious animal.  But he was
one of the old-time vicious animals and as such had
some kind of moral code.  It wasn't much of a moral
code, but it was better than nothing...
%%
ED      Eject Disk
%%
ED      Execute Data (verrrry useful)
%%
ED      Expunge Data [UNIX]
%%
EDIBLE, adj.  Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a
toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man
to a worm.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
edients,
and by parts.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
EDIT    Erase Data and Increment Time
%%
Editing is a rewording activity.
%%
Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to
 separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
(Edmund and Kate wrestle each other to the floor. Their eyes meet
  searchingly. Edmund slowly bends to kiss her...the door opens, and
  Baldrick enters.)
Don't worry, Bob. He used to try and kill me, too.
 -- Baldrick : Bells
%%
Edmund Blackadder: After all, did not Our Lord send a lowly earthworm to
comfort Moses in his torment?
Prince George:No.
 -- Blackadder, Duel and Duality
%%
(Edmund is distastefully chewing his prescribed leeches)
...Anything to follow, my lord? There's this lovely fat spider I found
  in the bath. I _was_ saving it for myself, but if you'd like it...
 -- Baldrick to Edmund : Bells
%%
Edmund! Oh, Edmund, I've awaited your return!
And thank God you did, for I was just thinking...'My God, I die in
  twelve hours. What I really need right now is a hug from a complete
  _prat_.'
 -- Percy and Edmund : Money
%%
(Edmund rummages through the sack, and produces boomerang)...Ah.
(intrigued) What is it?
...A _stick_.
 -- Edmund, Queenie and Melchett : Potato
%%
EDP     Emulate Debugged Program
%%
EDS     Execute Data Segment
%%
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
Education: A debt due from present to future generations.
 -- George Peabody
%%
Education alone can conduct us to that enjoyment which is, at once,
best in quality and infinite in quantity.
 -- Horace Mann (1796-1859)
%%
Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand.
The less of either people have, the less they want.
 -- Charlotte Observer, 1897
%%
Education begins the gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection
must finish him.
 -- John Locke
%%
Education belongs pre-eminently to the church ... neutral or lay
schools from which religion is excluded are contrary to the fundamental
principles of education.
 -- Pope Pius XI
%%
Education has in America's whole history been the major hope for
improving the individual and society.
 -- Gunnar Myrdal
%%
Education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to
distinguish what is worth reading.
 -- George Macaulay Trevelyan (1876-1962)
%%
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
%%
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
Education is helping the child realize his potentialities.
 -- Erich Fromm
%%
Education is learning that you did not even know what you did not even know
 you did not even know.
%%
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
 -- William Butler Yeats
%%
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing
 your temper.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Education is the best provision for old age.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Education is the instruction of the intellect in the laws of Nature.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
Education is the transmission of civilization.
 -- Will and Ariel Durant
%%
Education is what survives when what has been learned has been
 forgotten
 -- B.F. Skinner
%%
Education is what you have left over after
you have forgotten everything you have learned.
%%
Education kills by degrees.
%%
Education makes a people easy to lead, but difficult to drive; easy
to govern but impossible to enslave.
 -- Baron Henry Peter Brougham
%%
:Education:

Nearly all hackers past their teens are either college-degreed or
self-educated to an equivalent level.  The self-taught hacker is often
considered (at least by other hackers) to be better-motivated, and may
be more respected, than his school-shaped counterpart.  Academic areas
from which people often gravitate into hackerdom include (besides the
obvious computer science and electrical engineering) physics,
mathematics, linguistics, and philosophy.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Education never ends... It is a series of lessons with the greatest for
the last.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
%%
EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the
foolish their lack of understanding.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Education: Something you get so you can work for guys with no education.
 -- Morey Amsterdam
%%
Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
 -- Malcolm S. Forbes
%%
Education today, more than ever before, must see clearly the dual
objectives: Education for living and education for making a living.
 -- James Mason Wood
%%
Education with inert ideas is not only useless;
it is above all things harmful.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Education you get from reading the small print.
Experience you get from not reading it.
 -- Saul Lavisky's observation
%%
Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Eek!
%%
E'en copious Dryden wanted or forgot
The last and greatest art,--the art to blot.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 280
%%
E'en from the tomb the voice of nature cries,
  E'en in our ashes live their wonted fires.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 23
%%
E'en like the passage of an angel's tear
That falls through the clear ether silently.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- To One who has been long in City pent
%%
E'en Palinurus nodded at the helm.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 614
%%
Een schip op het strand is een baken in zee.
(A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.)
 -- Dutch Proverb
%%
E'en Sunday shines no Sabbath day to me.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 12
%%
Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak.
 -- Bullwinkle Moose
%%
EEP     Erase Entire Program
%%
Eerie had collided with a parallel reality called NBC.
 *I* was being written off the show.  Correction:  Killed off the show.
 Double correction:  Killed dead!
 -- Marshall, "Reality Takes a Holiday", Eerie Indiana
%%
Eerie, Indiana.  The Last Testament of Marshall Teller.  I had come to
 the end of the line.  Hunted. Lost.  Nowhere to hide.  And then I
 saw - home.  The safest place there is.  But like everything else,
 it turned out to be fake.
 -- Marshall, "Reality Takes a Holiday", Eerie Indiana
%%
EFB     Emulate Five-volt Battery
 -- Rob Frye
%%
EFD     Eject Floppy Disk
%%
EFE     Emulate Fatal Error
%%
...effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races
and cultures has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the
history of creation.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
EFFECT, n.  The second of two phenomena which always occur together in
the same order.  The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the
other -- which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has
never seen a dog except in the pursuit of a rabbit to declare the
rabbit the cause of a dog.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
 -- Leeman's observation
%%
Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
 -- David Dunham
%%
Efficiency takes time  Frugality: who can afford it?
%%
    Effort x Time = Constant
A. Given a large initial time to do something the initial
effort will be small.
B. As time goes to zero, effort goes to infinity.
    Corollary:
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
 -- Edwards' Time/Effort Law
%%
Eftsoones they heard a most melodious sound.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book ii, Canto xii, St. 70
%%
Egad, I think the interpreter is the hardest to be understood of the two!
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Egeria! sweet creation of some heart
Which found no mortal resting-place so fair
As thine ideal breast.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 115
%%
Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
Eggnog is a traditional holiday drink invented by the English.  Many
people wonder where the word eggnog comes from.    The first syllable
comes from the English word egg, meaning egg.      I don't know where
the nog comes from.

To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine gin and, if they are in
season, eggs...
%%
eggs derelict
(ehgz dare-a-licked) n.: a plate of unfinished breakfast that has been
used as an ashtray.
%%
Eggs on top, canned goods on the bottom...
%%
         .-'-.           ________________________
         \   |   ____   /                        \
          \  |  /    ) (  Eggs??  Where the hell  )
           \ | / .-'"   \_    are my carrots?!   /
           _\|/.'   o()(__)_____________________/
          /_____\_
         /'----|_/_
        |          0
         \    __::/ _    __@__
        /     \  H (_)  / _  _\
       /    (_|_---|_/ /_(_)(_)\
      /  \____  \.-'  /(_)(_)(_)\
  _  /       )\_/    |/\\//\\//\\|
 / \/  /   (/_       |/\\//\\//\\|
 \_/\_(_______)      |/\\//\\//\\|
                     """""""""""""
    E A S T E R    T I M E    !!!
%%
Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature
 to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.
 -- Bellamy Brooks
%%
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
 -- Frank Leahy
%%
Egotist: A man who thinks that if he hadn't been born, people would have
 wondered why.
 -- Dan Post
%%
EGOTIST, n.  A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in
me.

    Megaceph, chosen to serve the State
    In the halls of legislative debate,
    One day with all his credentials came
    To the capitol's door and announced his name.
    The doorkeeper looked, with a comical twist
    Of the face, at the eminent egotist,
    And said:  "Go away, for we settle here
    All manner of questions, knotty and queer,
    And we cannot have, when the speaker demands
    To be told how every member stands,
    A man who to all things under the sky
    Assents by eternally voting 'I'."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Egotist, n.:
  A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Egregiously an ass.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
$ egrep -n '^[a-z].*\\(' $@ | sort -t':' +2.0
%%
egrep patterns are full regular expressions; it uses a fast
deterministic algorithm that sometimes needs exponential space.
 -- Unix manuals
%%
EHC     Emulate Headless Chicken
%%
Ehh, Whats up doc?
 -- Bugs Bunny
%%
Eh!  Je suis leur chef, il fallait bien les suivre.
[Ah well!  I am their leader, I really had to follow them.]
 -- Alexandre Auguste Ledru-Rollin (1807-1874)
%%
EIAO    Execute In Any Order
%%
Eigen Function:  The use to which an eigen is put.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Eight-five percent of people who quote statistics are lying.
%%
Eight Things your computer won't do:
 1. It won't save you money
 2. It won't make your organization run right
 3. It won't solve every problem
 4. It won't run itself
 5. It won't always be right
 6. It won't meet all its own needs
 7. It won't protect itself
 8. It won't become obsolete
 -- J Makower
%%
:eighty-column mind: [IBM] n. The sort said to be possessed by
   persons for whom the transition from {punched card} to tape was
   traumatic (nobody has dared tell them about disks yet).  It is said
   that these people, including (according to an old joke) the founder
   of IBM, will be buried `face down, 9-edge first' (the 9-edge being
   the bottom of the card).  This directive is inscribed on IBM's
   1402 and 1622 card readers and is referenced in a famous bit of
   doggerel called "The Last Bug", the climactic lines of which
   are as follows:

        He died at the console
        Of hunger and thirst.
        Next day he was buried,
        Face down, 9-edge first.

   The eighty-column mind is thought by most hackers to dominate IBM's
   customer base and its thinking.  See {IBM}, {fear and
   loathing}, {card walloper}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
 -- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
%%
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
 -- Grelb's Reminder
%%
Eighty percent of man is stuff to fill graves with.
%%
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
...eighty years later he could still recall with the
young pang of his original joy his falling in love with Ada.
 -- Vladimir Nabokov
%%
Einstein:
Any f%*ker can understan that
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because
God is not capricious or arbitrary.  No such faith comforts the software
engineer.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
%%
Einstein: "G, Sub-I, J, of T, as T approaches infinity.  Hmm?" Barclay:
"G, of T, over G-Lot." Einstein: "Thirty?  So it is!  So it is!" Barclay:
"But I still don't see how you're going to incorporate quantum  principle
into general relativity, without guessing the cosmological constant
 a lot more than you're doing here." Einstein: "But if you increase
the value, as you suggest, then you face the  possibility of twenty-six
dimensions instead of ten." Barclay: "I don't think I could deal with
that." Einstein: "I certainly could not.  [Laughs] Barclay: "If the
semi-set curved into the subatomic, the infinities might cancel  each
other out!" Einstein: "Good Gott!  They just might!"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
"Einstein is an analytical mathematician seeking to give a physical
interpretation to the conclusions of his mathematical process.  In
this he is hampered by a load of contradictory and absurd assumptions
of the school that he follows, which throws him into all manner of
difficulty.  Einstein has such a faculty for embracing both sides
of a contradiction that one would have to be of the same frame of
mind to follow his thought, it is so peculiarly his own.  The whole
Relativity theory is as easy to follow as the path of a bat in the
air at night."
 -- Father Jeremiah Joseph Callahan,
 -- President of Duquesne University,
 -- Einstein or Euclid:
 -- A Proof of the Parallel Theory and a Critique of Metageometry, 1931
%%
Einstein rules relatively OK - in theory anyway.
%%
EIO     Erase I/O page
%%
EISA:
 Chinese for "we copied it without duplicating it". Inscrutable
 alternative to Micro Channel Architecture, (MCA)>; backed by everybody
 but IBM.
%%
Eisenhower told me never to trust a Communist.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Eisenhower was very nice,
Nixon was his only vice.
 -- C. Degen
%%
Eisenhower!!  Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Either a good or a bad reputation gets there before you do, since it always
 out runs the possessor. It's nice, when you arrive, to have something good
 there before you get there. Reputation counts. You work at it a good while
 and can lose it quickly.
%%
Either CONFESS now or we go to ``PEOPLE'S COURT''!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Either God exists or He doesn't.  Either I believe in God or I don't.
Of the four possibilities, only one is to my disadvantage.
To avoid that possibility, I believe in god.
 -- Pascal
%%
Either heaven or hell will have continuous background music. Which one you
 think it will be tells a lot about you.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Either he's playing classical music at 78 RPM, or
 I'm still dreaming.
 -- CALVIN AND HOBBES
%%
Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.
 -- Groucho Marx' last words (1890-1977)
%%
Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on.
 -- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
%%
     Either I've gone nuts, or all this is really happening. If I'm nuts,
       I'll be the last to know. So I might as well act as if everything is
      just the way it looks.
 -- Keith Laumer, _The Ulitmax Man_
%%
Either lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.
%%
Either one of us, by himself, is expendable.  Both of us are not.
 -- Kirk, "The Devil in the Dark," stardate 3196.1.
%%
Either sue me, or shut the hell up.
 -- Greg Hennessy, gsh7w@virginia.edu
%%
Either they go, or I do.
 -- Oscar Wilde, of his new bedroom curtains (attrib.), 1900
%%
Either Way You Get Your Dog Back
 -- Sign for a combined Veterinarian and Taxidermist business
%%
Ejectable helicopter seats.
 -- Polish invention
%%
EJECTION, n.  An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity.  It is
also much used in cases of extreme poverty.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ejukashun never dun me no good.
%%
Eke wonder last but nine deies never in toun.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Troilus and Creseide, Book iv, Line 525
%%
Ekkey ekkey ekkey p'tang wheee!
%%
Ekkie ekkie phatang zooboing!
%%
Elbow Macaroni.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
:El Camino Bignum: /el' k*-mee'noh big'nuhm/ n. The road
   mundanely called El Camino Real, a road through the San Francisco
   peninsula that originally extended all the way down to Mexico City
   and many portions of which are still intact.  Navigation on the San
   Francisco peninsula is usually done relative to El Camino Real,
   which defines {logical} north and south even though it isn't
   really north-south many places.  El Camino Real runs right past
   Stanford University and so is familiar to hackers.

   The Spanish word `real' (which has two syllables: /ray-ol'/)
   means `royal'; El Camino Real is `the royal road'.  In the FORTRAN
   language, a `real' quantity is a number typically precise to seven
   significant digits, and a `double precision' quantity is a larger
   floating-point number, precise to perhaps fourteen significant
   digits (other languages have similar `real' types).

   When a hacker from MIT visited Stanford in 1976, he remarked what a
   long road El Camino Real was.  Making a pun on `real', he started
   calling it `El Camino Double Precision' --- but when the hacker
   was told that the road was hundreds of miles long, he renamed it
   `El Camino Bignum', and that name has stuck.  (See {bignum}.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
el capitan: expedition leader in a spanish speaking country.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
:elder days: n. The heroic age of hackerdom (roughly, pre-1980); the
   era of the {PDP-10}, {TECO}, {{ITS}}, and the ARPANET.  This
   term has been rather consciously adopted from J. R. R. Tolkien's
   fantasy epic "The Lord of the Rings".  Compare {Iron Age};
   see also {elvish} and {Great Worm, the}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
%%
Elections come and go, but politics are always with us.
%%
ELECTOR, n.  One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man
of another man's choice.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
%%
Electric chairs are period furniture: they end a sentence
%%
Electrician's breakfast: ohmlettes
 -- Raymond D. Love
%%
        Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles,
called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you
have been drinking.  Electrons travel at the speed of light, which in
most American homes is 110 volts per hour.  This is very fast.  In the
time it has taken you to read this sentence so far, an electron could
have traveled all the way from San Francisco to Hackensack, New Jersey,
although God alone knows why it would want to.
      The five main kinds of electricity are alternating current,
direct current, lightning, static, and European.  Most American homes
have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one
direction for a while, then goes in the other direction.  This prevents
harmful electron buildup in the wires.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
ELECTRICITY, n.  The power that causes all natural phenomena not known
to be caused by something else.  It is the same thing as lightning,
and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most
picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career.  The memory
of Dr. Franklin is justly held in great reverence, particularly in
France, where a waxen effigy of him was recently on exhibition,
bearing the following touching account of his life and services to
science:

        "Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity.  This
    illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the
    world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages,
    of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered."

    Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the
arts and industries.  The question of its economical application to
some purposes is still unsettled, but experiment has already proved
that it will propel a street car better than a gas jet and give more
light than a horse.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Electrocution, n.:
    Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
%%
Eleemosynary deeds have their incipience intramurally.
[ charity starts at home. ]
%%
Elegance and truth are inversely related.
 -- Becker's Razor
%%
Elegant as simplicity, and warm
As ecstasy.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 588
%%
Elegant Frankfurter - A haute dog
%%
:elegant: [from mathematical usage] adj. Combining simplicity,
   power, and a certain ineffable grace of design.  Higher praise than
   `clever', `winning', or even {cuspy}.

   The French aviator, adventurer, and author Antoine de
   Saint-Exup'ery, probably best known for his classic children's
   book "The Little Prince", was also an aircraft designer.  He
   gave us perhaps the best definition of engineering elegance when he
   said "A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there
   is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take
   away."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ELEGY, n.  A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of
the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind
the dampest kind of dejection.  The most famous English example begins
somewhat like this:

    The cur foretells the knell of parting day;
        The loafing herd winds slowly o'er the lea;
    The wise man homeward plods; I only stay
        To fiddle-faddle in a minor key.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Elektra.  Over there.  It's a flying dwarf.
 -- Strange doings in ELEKTRA: ASSASSIN
%%
Elementary my dear Riker...sir.
 -- Data, "Lonely Among Us", stardate 41249.3
%%
:elephantine: adj. Used of programs or systems that are both
   conspicuous {hog}s (owing perhaps to poor design founded on
   {brute force and ignorance}) and exceedingly {hairy} in source
   form.  An elephantine program may be functional and even friendly,
   but (as in the old joke about being in bed with an elephant) it's
   tough to have around all the same (and, like a pachyderm, difficult
   to maintain).  In extreme cases, hackers have been known to make
   trumpeting sounds or perform expressive proboscatory mime at the
   mention of the offending program.  Usage: semi-humorous.  Compare
   `has the elephant nature' and the somewhat more pejorative
   {monstrosity}.  See also {second-system effect} and
   {baroque}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
%%
 "Elephant's Dong" by Miles Long
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Elephants endors'd with towers.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iii, Line 329
%%
Elephants have four knees. 
%%
Elephants never forget, but you seldom see a kangaroo with a zipper.
%%
Elephant to naked man:  How do you manage to breathe
through that thing, let alone pick up peanuts?
%%
:elevator controller: n. An archetypal dumb embedded-systems
   application, like {toaster} (which superseded it).  During one
   period (1983--84) in the deliberations of ANSI X3J11 (the
   C standardization committee) this was the canonical example of a
   really stupid, memory-limited computation environment.  "You can't
   require `printf(3)' to be part of the default runtime library
 -- -- what if you're targeting an elevator controller?"  Elevator
   controllers became important rhetorical weapons on both sides of
   several {holy wars}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Elevators smell different to midgets.
%%
Elevators traveling in the desired direction are always delayed and
on arrival tend to run in pairs, threes of a kind, full houses, etc.
 -- Pete Maiken
%%
Eleven seconds after the warranty expires on your $17,000 car, the
engine will make a knocking sound that exactly duplicates the drum solo
 -- from Inna Gadda Da Vida.
%%
Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
%%
:ELIZA effect: /*-li:'z* *-fekt'/ [AI community] n. The tendency of
   humans to attach associations to terms from prior experience.
   For example, there is nothing magic about the symbol `+' that
   makes it well-suited to indicate addition; it's just that people
   associate it with addition.  Using `+' or `plus' to mean addition
   in a computer language is taking advantage of the ELIZA effect.

   This term comes from the famous ELIZA program by Joseph Weizenbaum,
   which simulated a Rogerian psychoanalyst by rephrasing many of the
   patient's statements as questions and posing them to the patient.
   It worked by simple pattern recognition and substitution of key
   words into canned phrases.  It was so convincing, however, that
   there are many anecdotes about people becoming very emotionally
   caught up in dealing with ELIZA.  All this was due to people's
   tendency to attach to words meanings which the computer never put
   there.  The ELIZA effect is a {Good Thing} when writing a
   programming language, but it can blind you to serious shortcomings
   when analyzing an Artificial Intelligence system.  Compare
   {ad-hockery}; see also {AI-complete}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ella, Ella, Ella...Never knock on Death's door.  Ring the bell and run away!
  Death *really* hates that.
 -- Matt Frewer as Dr. Mike Stratford in 'Doctor, Doctor'
%%
 Elleuw, Eenspector, ahem, CHIEF Eenspector Clewseau ees not een
 the rheum to answer the pheuwne at the meument, so stop acteeng
 lahk a minkey, you FUEWL, and leave a mesSAGE...  (Oriental
 voice:)  Excuse me, Inspectah Clouseau, I just leceived special
 derively for you, here sir...  Ah, thank you, Kato.  How naice
 eet ees to have people send you a pretty leetle beuhmb for a
 birthday present, and eet ees not even my birth -- a BEUHMB?
 It's a beuhmb!!!  (Muffled explosion.)
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
%%
Eloi, eloi, lama sabachtani?
%%
Eloquence is logic on fire.
%%
ELOQUENCE, n.  The art of orally persuading fools that white is the
color that it appears to be.  It includes the gift of making any color
appear white.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ELP     Enter Loop Permanently
%%
El Presidente smokes cigars
 Anyone he does not like
 He shoots or puts behind bars.
 -- Circle Jerks, "Coup D'Etat"
%%
El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices
to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a
single voice.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Elsie is so ugly she's been turned down more times than a bedspread ... Two
 weeks ago she won first prize in a beauty contest. It was for mules.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
Elsie's awfully good to her mother--she never goes home.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
Elvis has LEFT the building!
 -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
:elvish: n. 1. The Tengwar of Feanor, a table of letterforms
   resembling the beautiful Celtic half-uncial hand of the "Book
   of Kells".  Invented and described by J. R. R. Tolkien in "The
   Lord of The Rings" as an orthography for his fictional `elvish'
   languages, this system (which is both visually and phonetically
   {elegant}) has long fascinated hackers (who tend to be intrigued
   by artificial languages in general).  It is traditional for
   graphics printers, plotters, window systems, and the like to
   support a Feanorian typeface as one of their demo items.  See also
   {elder days}.  2. By extension, any odd or unreadable typeface
   produced by a graphics device.  3. The typeface mundanely called
   `B"ocklin', an art-decoish display font.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Elvis is alive and doing my laundry.
%%
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.
%%
Elvis is my copilot.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
Elvis Presley had a twin brother named Jesse who died at birth. 
%%
Elvis Presley has an unlisted number. Here it is! 1-800-I'M DEAD.
%%
ELYSIUM, n.  An imaginary delightful country which the ancients
foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good.  This
ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept off the face of the earth
by the early Christians -- may their souls be happy in Heaven!
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big!
%%
EMACS: Each Manual's Audience is Completely Stupified
%%
EMACS: Easily Maintained with the Assistance of Chemical Solutions
%%
EMACS: Easily Mangles, Aborts, Crashes and Stupifies
%%
EMACS: Edwardian Manifestation of All Colonial Sins
%%
EMACS: Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- Macros Are Completely Slow
%%
EMACS: Egregious Managers Actively Court Stallman
%%
EMACS: Elephantine Memory Absolutely Considered Sine que non
%%
EMACS: Eleven thousand Monkeys Asynchronously Crank out these Slogans
%%
EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe All Commands are Simple
%%
EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe Alternative Civilizations Survive
%%
EMACS: EMACS MACRO ACTED CREDO SODOM
%%
EMACS: Emacs Makefiles Annihilate C- Shells
%%
EMACS: Emacs Makers Are Crazy Sickos
%%
EMACS: EMACS Makes no Allowances Considering its Stiff price
%%
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Always Cause Senility
%%
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and Surreal.
%%
EMACS: EMACS May Alienate Clients and Supporters
%%
EMACS: Emacs May Allow Customised Screwups
%%
EMACS: Emacs May Annihilate Command Structures
%%
EMACS: Emacs Means A Crappy Screen
%%
EMACS: Embarrasingly Mundane Advertising Cuts Sales
%%
EMACS: Embarrassed Manual-Writer Accused of Communist Subversion
%%
EMACS: Emetic Macros Assault Core and Segmentation
%%
EMACS: Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate Sales
%%
EMACS: Epileptic MLisp Aggravates Compiler Seizures
%%
EMACS: Equine Mammals Are Considerably Smaller
%%
EMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity
%%
EMACS: Erasing Minds Allows Complete Submission
%%
EMACS: Erotic Manual Adapted to Computer Scientists
%%
EMACS: Esoteric Malleability Always Considered Silly
%%
EMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes Simpler
%%
EMACS: Even My Aunt Crashes the System
%%
EMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer Storage.
%%
EMACS: Every Male Adolescent Craves Sex
%%
EMACS: Every Mode Accelerates Creation of Software
%%
EMACS: Every Moron Assumes CCA is Superior
%%
EMACS: Excavating Mayan Architecture Comes Simpler
%%
EMACS: Excellence Might be Away from Computer Scientists
%%
EMACS: Excellent Manuals Are Clearly Suppressed
%%
EMACS: Exceptionally Mediocre Algorithm for Computer Scientists
%%
EMACS: Exceptionally Mediocre Autocratic Control System
%%
EMACS: Experience the Mildest Ad Campaign ever Seen
%%
EMACS: Extended Macros Are Considered Superfluous
%%
EMACS: Extensibilty and Modifiability Aggravate Confirmed Simpletons
%%
EMACS: Extraneous Macros And Commands Stink
%%
Emacs is a nice operating system, but I prefer UNIX.
 -- Tom Christiansen
%%
   Emacs is not an editor.  Emacs is a way of thinking about the world, and
as such is a way of thinking about editors.  The process of editing is Emacs,
but Emacs is more than the process of editing.  When you ask what Emacs does,
you are asking a question with no answer, because Emacs doesn't do, it is
done to.  Emacs just is.   ...  I hope this makes things clearer.
 -- Scott Dorsey (kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov)
%%
Emacs -- the choice of a GNU generation.
%%
Emacs, the ed's killer reigns.
%%
:email: /ee'mayl/ (also written `e-mail') 1. n. Electronic mail
   automatically passed through computer networks and/or via modems
   over common-carrier lines.  Contrast {snail-mail},
   {paper-net}, {voice-net}.  See {network address}.
   2. vt. To send electronic mail.

   Oddly enough, the word `emailed' is actually listed in the OED; it
   means "embossed (with a raised pattern) or arranged in a net work".
   A use from 1480 is given. The word is derived from French
   `emmailleure', network.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Email: when it absolutely, positively has to get lost
at the speed of light
%%
Emallgration:
 Migration toward lower-tech, lower-information environments
containing a lessened emphasis on consumerism.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery,
None but ourselves can free our minds.
 -- Bob Marley
%%
EMANCIPATION, n.  A bondman's change from the tyranny of another to
the despotism of himself.

    He was a slave:  at word he went and came;
        His iron collar cut him to the bone.
    Then Liberty erased his owner's name,
        Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
EMBALM, v.i.  To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which
it feeds.  By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural
balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their
once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting
more than a meagre crew.  The modern metallic burial casket is a step
in the same direction, and many a dead man who ought now to be
ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as a tree, or enriching his table as a
bunch of radishes, is doomed to a long inutility.  We shall get him
after awhile if we are spared, but in the meantime the violet and rose
are languishing for a nibble at his _glutoeus maximus_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Embrace the flag,
And hope to someday live in that free republic for which it stands.
%%
Embryos and idiots, eremites and friars,
White, black, and gray, with all their trumpery.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 474
%%
E = mc^2 +_ 3d6
%%
E=Mc^5...nahh,
 E=Mc^4...nahh,
 E=Mc^3....ah, the hell with it...
 -- Bert's older and less patient brother
%%
EM      Evacuate Memory
%%
Emilio, I am getting rusty and old, I cannot follow the highbrow theory
developed by Oppenheimer's pupils any more.  I went to their seminar and
was depressed by my inability to understand them.  Only the last sentence
cheered me up.  It was: And this is Fermi's theory of beta decay.
 -- Enrico Fermi
 -- A Random Walk in Science compiled by R. L. Weber, edited by E. Mendoza
%%
EMM     Emulate More Memory
%%
Emo Phillips was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving.  When
 brought before the judge, Emo was asked if he knew what the punishment for
 drunk driving in that state was.  His reply: "I don't know, reelection to the
 Senate?"
%%
Emotional Ketchup Burst:
 The bottling up of opinions and emotions inside oneself so
that they explosively burst forth all at once, shocking and confusing
employers and friends - most of whom thought things were fine.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Emotionally vulnerable women....  They eat this sensitive crap up!
 -- Dan Fielding
%%
Emotion has taught mankind to reason.
 -- Marquis de Vauvenargues
%%
EMOTION, n.  A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the
heart to the head.  It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge
of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Emotions are alien to me.  I'm a scientist.
 -- Spock, "This Side of Paradise," stardate 3417.3.
%%
EMPC       Emulate Pocket Calculator
%%
Empedocles says that the greater part of the members of animals were
generated by chance...
What, then, hinders but that the parts in Nature may also thus arise
[from necessity]?  For instance, that the teeth should arise from
necessity, the front teeth sharp and adapted to divide the food, the
molars broad and adapted to breaking the food into pieces.  It may
be said that they were not made for this purpose, but that this purposive
arrangement came about by chance; and the same reasoning is applied
to other parts of the body in which subsistence for some purpose is
apparent.  And it is argued that where all things happened as if they
were made for some purpose, being aptly united by chance, these were
preserved, but such as were not aptly made, these were lost and still
perish, according to what Empedocles says concerning the bull species
with human heads.  This, therefore, and similar reasoning, may lead
some to doubt on this subject.
 -- Aristotle, Physics, Fourth Century B.C.
%%
:empire: n. Any of a family of military simulations derived from a
   game written by Peter Langston many years ago.  Five or six
   multi-player variants of varying degrees of sophistication exist,
   and one single-player version implemented for both UNIX and VMS;
   the latter is even available as MS-DOS freeware.  All are
   notoriously addictive.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to
incompetence in their colleagues.
 -- Peter's Paradox
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Emptiness on paper; Fleeting thoughts. Red Sox play at Fenway's Green park.
%%
EMSL    Entire Memory Shift Left
%%
EMT     Electrocute Maintenance Technician
%%
ENCOMIAST, n.  A special (but not particular) kind of liar.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Encryption is too important to be left solely to governments.
 -- Bruce Schneier, Applied Cryptography
%%
encrypt - where Egyptian kings are buried.
%%
Encyclopedia Salesmen:
        Invite them all in.  Nip out the back door.  Phone the police
and tell them your house is being burgled.
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
Endeavor to steer the craft of your narration
on a less serpentine course.
 -- Peter Shaffer, Lettice & Lovage
%%
End fannish elitism - Call it Sci-Fi
%%
endless loop n. see LOOP, ENDLESS
     In YOUR PROGRAM an endless loop is an elementary blunder,
whereas in MY PROGRAM it is a DYNAMIC HALT.
%%
Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
 -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
%%
END, n.  The position farthest removed on either hand from the
Interlocutor.

    The man was perishing apace
        Who played the tambourine;
    The seal of death was on his face --
        'Twas pallid, for 'twas clean.

    "This is the end," the sick man said
        In faint and failing tones.
    A moment later he was dead,
        And Tambourine was Bones.
                                                         Tinley Roquot
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
[End of diatribe.   We now return you to your regularly scheduled
programming...]
 -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
%%
End rush-hour traffic now! Legalize vehicular weaponry.
%%
Endurance is the crowning quality,
And patience all the passion of great hearts.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Columbus
%%
End? What end?  You whites will be with us forever.
 -- Chiun, Master of Sinanju
%%
ENEMY WANTED
Mature, North American Superpower seeks hostile nation for arms
racing, third world conflicts, and general antagonism.  Must be
sufficiently menacing to convince Congress to fund us.  Nuclear
capability preferred, near-nuclear considered.  Earth, anywhere.
Send note and picture of tank battalions to General C. Powell,
The Pentagon, Washington, D.C., U.S.A.
%%
Energize said Picard and the pink bunny appeared...
%%
Energy Saving:
 Achieved when the power switch is "off".
%%
ENF     Emit Noxious Fumes
%%
Enflamed with the study of learning and the admiration of virtue;
stirred up with high hopes of living to be brave men and worthy patriots,
dear to God, and famous to all ages.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Tractate of Education
%%
Enforced recreation live on stage in London
...
I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow...
 -- Frank Zappa, "You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore"
%%
Engaged in the passive overthrow of the U.S. government
%%
Engineering majors: we don't get laid much, but we're building the future.
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Engineering meets art in the parking lot and things explode.
 -- Garry Peterson, about Survival Research Labs
%%
 ENGINEERING:  The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle
 have been placed in a box on your desk.  You will also find
 an instruction manual, printed in Swahili.  In ten minutes, a
 hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever
 action you feel appropriate.  Be prepared to justify your decision.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Engineering will have it tomorrow.
 -- Great Lies #2
%%
Engineering without management is art.
 -- Jeff Johnson
%%
... Engineers ... Always *changin'* things ...
It's like a Dam' *Computer Center* in here ...
 -- Leonard E. McCoy, M.D.
%%
:engine: n. 1. A piece of hardware that encapsulates some function
   but can't be used without some kind of {front end}.  Today we
   have, especially, `print engine': the guts of a laser printer.
   2. An analogous piece of software; notionally, one that does a lot
   of noisy crunching, such as a `database engine'.

   The hackish senses of `engine' are actually close to its original,
   pre-Industrial-Revolution sense of a skill, clever device, or
   instrument (the word is cognate to `ingenuity').  This sense had
   not been completely eclipsed by the modern connotation of
   power-transducing machinery in Charles Babbage's time, which
   explains why he named the stored-program computer that
   he designed in 1844 the `Analytical Engine'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
England and America are two countries separated by the same language.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
England are a goal ahead -- that's a win if it stays that way.
%%
England expects every man to do his duty.
 -- Horatio Nelson (1758-1805)
 -- Life of Nelson (Southey), Vol. ii, p. 131
%%
England have just scored their second goal from a penalty corner.  This will
 add to their first goal.
%%
England is a paradise for women and hell for horses; Italy a paradise
for horses, hell for women, as the diverb goes.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 3, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
England may as well dam up the waters of the Nile with bulrushes as
to fetter the step of Freedom, more proud and firm in this youthful
land than where she treads the sequestered glens of Scotland, or couches
herself among the magnificent mountains of Switzerland.
 -- Lydia Maria Child (1802-1880)
 -- Supposititious Speech of James Otis, The Rebels, Chap, iv
%%
"England no longer existed.  He'd got that--somehow he'd got it. 
He tried again.      America, he thought, has gone.  He couldn't grasp
it.  He decided to start smaller again.  New York has gone.  No reaction.
   He'd never seriously believed it existed anyway.  The dollar, he
thought, has sunk for ever. Slight tremor there.  Every Bogart movie
has been wiped, he said to himself, and that gave him a nasty knock.
 McDonald's, he thought.  There is no longer any such thing as a McDonald's
hamburger. He passed out.   When he came round a second later he found
he was sobbing for his mother."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's
Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
England's monarchy is how old?   1000 years?  Jesus, you guys must have a hell
 of a lot of laws!
 -- an anonymous sysadmin
%%
England, with all thy faults I love thee still,
My country!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 206
%%
:English: 1. n.,obs. The source code for a program, which may be in
   any language, as opposed to the linkable or executable binary
   produced from it by a compiler.  The idea behind the term is that
   to a real hacker, a program written in his favorite programming
   language is at least as readable as English.  Usage: mostly by
   old-time hackers, though recognizable in context.  2. The official
   name of the database language used by the Pick Operating System,
   actually a sort of crufty, brain-damaged SQL with delusions of
   grandeur.  The name permits {marketroid}s to say "Yes, and you
   can program our computers in English!" to ignorant {suit}s
   without quite running afoul of the truth-in-advertising laws.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
English cuisine is generally so threadbare that for years there has been a
gentlemen's agreement in the civilized world to allow the Brits preeminence in
the matter of tea - which, after all, comes down to little more than the
ability to boil water.
%%
English is a language in which grown people see nothing peculiar about
 telling a child, "Sit down and sit up."
 -- Russell Baker
%%
English is bad Ameslan.
%%
English is wonderful, when used correctly.
%%
English language?  We don't need no stinking english language!
 -- Wintermut  ( RDT Student )
%%
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
%%
English Tourist: Hello. Do you farm around here?
 Cornish Farmer: Aye.
 English Tourist: Fantastic day isn't it?
 Cornish Farmer: Aye.
 English Tourist: Have you lived here all of your life?
 Cornish Farmer: Not yet.
%%
Enhancement
 breaking what you did right and getting paid for it
 [see also: maintenance]
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
:enhancement: n. {Marketroid}-speak for a bug {fix}.  This abuse
   of language is a popular and time-tested way to turn incompetence
   into increased revenue.  A hacker being ironic would instead call
   the fix a {feature} --- or perhaps save some effort by declaring
   the bug itself to be a feature.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
->Enigma/VioletArcana/TheOrb/InformationSociety/L.A.Style/U-96/Moby<-
--->Messiah/LordsOfAcid/Enya/NineInchNails/Front242/PolygonWindow<---
%%
Enjoy and you will be enjoyed!
%%
Enjoy every minute. There's plenty of time to be dead.
%%
Enjoy life; you could have been a barnacle.
%%
Enjoyment is my speciality.
%%
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Enjoy your dear wit and gay rhetoric,
That hath so well been taught her dazzling fence.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 790
%%
Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
%%
Enjoy your life. If you don't, no one else will.
%%
Enjoy your present pleasures so as not to injure those that are to follow.
 -- Seneca
%%
Enjoy yourself--it's later than you think.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Enjoy yourself - spring is here!
%%
En la boca cerratha, no enterran moscas
(If you keep your mouth closed, flies won't fly in...)
%%
Enlightened people seldom or never possess a sense of responsibility.
 -- George Orwell
%%
ENO     Emulate No-Op
%%
Enough is as good as a feast.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Enough is equal to a feast.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- The Covent Garden Tragedy, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Enough is never enough.
 -- Rule of Parenthood
 -- Phyllis C. Richman
%%
ENOUGH, pro.  All there is in the world if you like it.

    Enough is as good as a feast -- for that matter
    Enougher's as good as a feast for the platter.
                                                      Arbely C. Strunk
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Enough research will tend to confirm your conclusions.
%%
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
 -- Murphy's Law of Research
%%
Enough, with over-measure.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
:ENQ: /enkw/ or /enk/ [from the ASCII mnemonic ENQuire for
   0000101] An on-line convention for querying someone's availability.
   After opening a {talk mode} connection to someone apparently in
   heavy hack mode, one might type `SYN SYN ENQ?' (the SYNs
   representing notional synchronization bytes), and expect a return
   of {ACK} or {NAK} depending on whether or not the person felt
   interruptible.  Compare {ping}, {finger}, and the usage of
   `FOO?' listed under {talk mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Enquire not what boils in another's pot.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
Ensgin Expendable, step on that rock
 -- Kirk
%%
Ensign Crusher, I relieve you.
 -- Picard, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
Ensign, engage datasuck mode
%%
Ensign, if you encounter any holes...steer clear.
 -- Riker to Wesley, "Where Silence Has Lease",
        stardate 42193.6
%%
Ensign Mendon. You may impress me.
 -- Worf, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
Ensign Singer... Make it sew.
%%
Ensign Walnut approaches Dr. Crusher with caution.
%%
Enter'd the very lime-twigs of his spells,
And yet came off.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 646
%%
Enter my world of LIFE, DEATH, AND NEUTRALITY ETERNAL!!
%%
ENTERTAINMENT, n.  Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of
death by injection.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Enter the mill and you will come out floury.
 -- Common Estonian Proverb
%%
Enter your personal identification number.
%%
Enthalpy, which in Greek stands for E+pV.
%%
En:   The universal bidentate ligand used by coordination
   chemists.  For years, efforts were made to use ethylene-
   diamine for this purpose, but chemists were unable
   to squeeze all the letters between the corners of
   the octahedron diagram.  The timely invention of
    en in 1947 revolutionized the science.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Enthusiasm is faith set on fire.
 -- George Adams
%%
Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money and
power and influence.
 -- Henry Chester
%%
ENTHUSIASM, n.  A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of
repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a
relapse, which carried him off -- to Missolonghi.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Enthusiasm without knowledge is like running in the dark.
%%
Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem.
(Entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity.)
 -- William of Occam, Occam's Razor
%%
Entire affection hateth nicer hands.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto viii, St. 40
%%
Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms.
In the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical
order. For instance, those whose surnames begin with "A" will be
allowed to go from 9-9:05 AM, and so on. If you are unable to go
at your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next
day when your time comes around again.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Entropy has us outnumbered.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Entropy is not what it used to be.
 -- Spaulding
%%
Entropy is what happens when the universe doesn't pay its electric bill.
%%
Entropy requires no maintenance.
 -- Amanda Walker
%%
ENVELOPE, n.  The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the
husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Envelopes and stamps which don't stick when you lick them
will stick to other things when you don't want them to.
 -- Fourth Law of Office Murphology
%%
Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
%%
Envy is a weed that grows in all soils and climates, and is no less
luxuriant in the country than in the court; is not confined to any rank
of men or extent of fortune, but rages in the breasts of all degrees.
 -- Lord Clarendon
%%
Envy is the bond between the hopeful and the damned.
 -- Roger Waters
%%
ENVY, n.  Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Envy shoots at others and wounds herself.
%%
Envy will merit as its shade pursue,
But like a shadow proves the substance true.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 266
%%
Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain
 things which otherwise require harder thinking.
 -- Jerome Lettvin
%%
EO      Electrocute Operator
%%
:EOF: /E-O-F/ [abbreviation, `End Of File'] n. 1. [techspeak] The
   {out-of-band} value returned by C's sequential character-input
   functions (and their equivalents in other environments) when end of
   file has been reached.  This value is -1 under C
   libraries postdating V6 UNIX, but was originally 0.  2. [UNIX] The
   keyboard character (usually control-D, the ASCII EOT (End Of
   Transmission) character) that is mapped by the terminal driver into
   an end-of-file condition.  3. Used by extension in non-computer
   contexts when a human is doing something that can be modeled as a
   sequential read and can't go further.  "Yeah, I looked for a list
   of 360 mnemonics to post as a joke, but I hit EOF pretty fast; all
   the library had was a {JCL} manual."  See also
   {EOL}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
EOI     Execute Operator Immediate [fast vers. of another opcode]
%%
:EOL: /E-O-L/ [End Of Line] n. Syn. for {newline}, derived
   perhaps from the original CDC6600 Pascal.  Now rare, but widely
   recognized and occasionally used for brevity.  Used in the
   example entry under {BNF}.  See also {EOF}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:EOU: /E-O-U/ n. The mnemonic of a mythical ASCII control
   character (End Of User) that would make an ASR-33 Teletype explode
   on receipt.  This construction parodies the numerous obscure
   delimiter and control characters left in ASCII from the days when
   it was associated more with wire-service teletypes than computers
   (e.g., FS, GS, RS, US, EM, SUB, ETX, and esp. EOT).  It is worth
   remembering that ASR-33s were big, noisy mechanical beasts with a
   lot of clattering parts; the notion that one might explode was
   nowhere near as ridiculous as it might seem to someone sitting in
   front of a {tube} or flatscreen today.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Epaminondas is reported wittily to have said of a good man that died
about the time of the battle of Leuctra, "How came he to have so much
leisure as to die, when there was so much stirring?"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Rules for the Preservation of Health, 25
%%
EPAULET, n.  An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military
officer from the enemy -- that is to say, from the officer of lower
rank to whom his death would give promotion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
EP      Execute Programmer
%%
Epicurean cooks
Sharpen with cloyless sauce his appetite.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
EPICURE, n.  An opponent of Epicurus, an abstemious philosopher who,
holding that pleasure should be the chief aim of man, wasted no time
in gratification from the senses.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Epicurus laid down the doctrine that pleasure was the chief good.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Epicurus, vi
%%
EPI     Execute Programmer Immediately
%%
EPIGRAM, n.  A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently
characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.
Following are some of the more notable epigrams of the learned and
ingenious Dr. Jamrach Holobom:

    We know better the needs of ourselves than of others.
    To serve oneself is economy of administration.

    In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale.
    Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

    There are three sexes; males, females and girls.

    Beauty in women and distinction in men are alike in this:
    they seem to be the unthinking a kind of credibility.

    Women in love are less ashamed than men.
    They have less to be ashamed of.

    While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands
    you are safe, for you can watch both his.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Epimenides was sent by his father into the field to look for a sheep,
turned out of the road at mid-day and lay down in a certain cave and
fell asleep, and slept there fifty-seven years; and after that, when
awake, he went on looking for the sheep, thinking that he had been
taking a short nap.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Epimenides, ii
%%
 EPISTEMOLOGY:  Take a position for or against truth.  prove the
 validity of your position.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been
 permanently discontinued.
 -- Irvin S. Cobb
%%
EPITAPH, n.  An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired
by death have a retroactive effect.  Following is a touching example:

    Here lie the bones of Parson Platt,
    Wise, pious, humble and all that,
    Who showed us life as all should live it;
    Let that be said -- and God forgive it!
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
EPL     Emulate Phone Line
%%
E Pluribus Modem.
%%
E Pluribus Unix.
%%
E Pluribus UTS.
%%
:epoch: [UNIX: prob. from astronomical timekeeping] n. The time
   and date corresponding to 0 in an operating system's clock and
   timestamp values.  Under most UNIX versions the epoch is 00:00:00
   GMT, January 1, 1970; under VMS, it's 00:00:00 of November 17, 1858
   (base date of the U.S. Naval Observatory's ephemerides); on a
   Macintosh, it's the midnight beginning January 1 1904.  System time
   is measured in seconds or {tick}s past the epoch.  Weird
   problems may ensue when the clock wraps around (see {wrap
   around}), which is not necessarily a rare event; on systems
   counting 10 ticks per second, a signed 32-bit count of ticks is
   good only for 6.8 years.  The 1-tick-per-second clock of UNIX is
   good only until January 18, 2038, assuming at least some software
   continues to consider it signed and that word lengths don't
   increase by then.  See also {wall time}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
EPP     Eject printer paper
%%
EPS     Electrostatic Print and Smear
%%
EPS     Execute Program Sideways
%%
:epsilon: [see {delta}] 1. n. A small quantity of anything.
   "The cost is epsilon."  2. adj. Very small, negligible; less than
   {marginal}.  "We can get this feature for epsilon cost."
   3. `within epsilon of': close enough to be indistinguishable for
   all practical purposes, even closer than being `within delta
   of'.  "That's not what I asked for, but it's within epsilon of
   what I wanted."  Alternatively, it may mean not close enough, but
   very little is required to get it there: "My program is within
   epsilon of working."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:epsilon squared: n. A quantity even smaller than {epsilon}, as
   small in comparison to epsilon as epsilon is to something normal;
   completely negligible.  If you buy a supercomputer for a million
   dollars, the cost of the thousand-dollar terminal to go with it is
   {epsilon}, and the cost of the ten-dollar cable to connect them
   is epsilon squared.  Compare {lost in the underflow}, {lost
   in the noise}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
EPT     Erase Process Table
%%
EPT     Erase Punched Tape
%%
Equal and exact justice to all men, of whatever state or persuasion,
religious or political; peace, commerce, and honest friendship with
all nations,--entangling alliances with none; the support of the State
governments in all their rights, as the most competent administrations
for our domestic concerns, and the surest bulwarks against anti-republican
tendencies; the preservation of the general government in its whole
constitutional vigour, as the sheet anchor of our peace at home and
safety abroad;...freedom of religion; freedom of the press; freedom
of person under the protection of the habeas corpus; and trial by
juries impartially selected,--these principles form the bright constellation
which has gone before us, and guided our steps through an age of revolution
and reformation.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1801
%%
Equal bytes for women.
%%
Equality is a myth: woman is best!
%%
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor;
equality is when a female idiot moves ahead as fast as a male idiot.
 -- Ewald Nyquist
%%
Equality of opportunity is an equal opportunity to prove unequal talents.
 -- Sir Herbert Samuel
%%
Equinox - Cross between a horse and a cow.
%%
Equity is a roguish thing. For Law we have a measure, know what to
trust to; Equity is according to the conscience of him that is Chancellor,
and as that is larger or narrower, so is Equity. 'T is all one as
if they should make the standard for the measure we call a "foot"
a Chancellor's foot; what an uncertain measure would this be! One
Chancellor has a long foot, another a short foot, a third an indifferent
foot. 'T is the same thing in the Chancellor's conscience.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Table Talk, Equity
%%
Eraserhead is an example of the opposite of brainwashing.   It actually leaves
 a dirty bathtub ring on your mind.
 -- David Fox (fox@allegra.att.com)
%%
:era, the: Syn. {epoch}.  Webster's Unabridged makes these words
   almost synonymous, but `era' usually connotes a span of time rather
   than a point in time.  The {epoch} usage is recommended.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Eres encantador.
%%
Eres precioso.
%%
Ere the blabbing eastern scout,
The nice morn, on th' Indian steep
From her cabin'd loop-hole peep.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 138
%%
ergo, bibamus - therefore let us drink
%%
:Eric Conspiracy: n. A shadowy group of mustachioed hackers named
   Eric first pinpointed as a sinister conspiracy by an infamous
   talk.bizarre posting ca. 1986; this was doubtless influenced by the
   numerous `Eric' jokes in the Monty Python oeuvre.  There do indeed
   seem to be considerably more mustachioed Erics in hackerdom than
   the frequency of these three traits can account for unless they are
   correlated in some arcane way.  Well-known examples include Eric
   Allman (he of the `Allman style' described under {indent style})
   and Erik Fair (co-author of NNTP); your editor has heard from about
   fifteen others by email, and the organization line `Eric
   Conspiracy Secret Laboratories' now emanates regularly from more
   than one site.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ERIC    Eject Random Integrated Circuit
%%
ERIC IDLE PLAYED: THE DEAD COLLECTOR, MR BINT (A VILLAGE NE'ER-DO -WELL VERY
                  KEEN ON BURNING WITCHES), SIR ROBIN, THE GUARD WHO DOESN'T
                  HICOUGH BUT TRIES TO GET THINGS STRAIGHT, CONCORDE (SIR
                  LAUNCELOT'S TRUSTY STEED), ROGER THE SHRUBBER (A SHRUBBER),
                  BROTHER MAYNARD
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Eric : What kind of system errors could you expect in this experiment?
 Jason : Typograhical errors.      [and he was serious]
%%
:Eris: /e'ris/ n. The Greek goddess of Chaos, Discord, Confusion,
   and Things You Know Not Of; her name was latinized to Discordia and
   she was worshiped by that name in Rome.  Not a very friendly deity
   in the Classical original, she was reinvented as a more benign
   personification of creative anarchy starting in 1959 by the
   adherents of {Discordianism} and has since been a semi-serious
   subject of veneration in several `fringe' cultures, including
   hackerdom.  See {Discordianism}, {Church of the SubGenius}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Erle Stanley Gardnerian--Initiate of the Mysteries
%%
Ernest asks Frank how long he has been working for the company.
 Ever since they threatened to fire me, Frank replied.
%%
Ernest Coveley, thirty-seven, was sentenced to seven years in prison
in London in November for sixteen armed robberies, fourteen of which
were committed with a cucumber wrapped in foil to resemble a gun.  (In
the other two, he had used an iron bar because he said he could not
afford a cucumber.)  After each of the fourteen robberies, Coveley
said, he would eat his weapon in a sandwich.
%%
Eros and language mesh at every point. Intercourse and discourse, copula and
 copulation, are sub-classes of the dominant fact of communication.
 -- George Steiner
%%
EROS    Erase Read Only Storage
%%
:erotics: /ee-ro'tiks/ n. [Helsinki University of Technology,
   Finland] n. English-language university slang for electronics.
   Often used by hackers in Helsinki, maybe because good electronics
   excites them and makes them warm.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Errare umanum est.
%%
Err is basically a synonym for Murphy, but those who quote him over the better
known prophet insist he is as real as Murphy. The basis for their argument:
1) his spirit, like Murphy's, is everywhere and 2) Err is human.
%%
Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
 -- WindowError: 004
%%
Error 005: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow.
%%
ERROR 144 - REBOOT? is a trademark of ENSONIQ corporation.
%%
Error #1511: Brain Offline
%%
Error #216: Tagline out of paper
%%
:error 33: [XEROX PARC] n. 1. Predicating one research effort upon
   the success of another.  2. Allowing your own research effort to be
   placed on the critical path of some other project (be it a research
   effort or not).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Error #96:  Dead mouse in hard drive.
%%
Error - [A]bort, [R]etry, [F]ake like it's working...
%%
Error : (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it
%%
Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered.
 Additional
            errors may not be displayed or recorded.
 -- WindowError: 103
%%
ERROR: CPU not found
%%
Error in operator: add beer
%%
Error in REALITY.SYS.  Run BIGBANG.EXE (Y/N)
%%
Error: Keyboard not found, think "F1" to continue.
%%
ERROR: No caffeine found, programmer halted
%%
Error reading FAT table.  Try SKINNY one?  (Y/N)
%%
Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
 -- WindowError: 020
%%
Errors, like straws, upon the surface flow;
He who would search for pearls must dive below.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- All for Love, Prologue
%%
ERROR: Unable to come up with a good tagline.
%%
Error: vmunix: panic on cpu 0: RUNLOCK
%%
Error:
What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Error: What you made the first time you went
 into a computer showroom 'just to look.'
%%
ERUDITION, n.  Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

    So wide his erudition's mighty span,
    He knew Creation's origin and plan
    And only came by accident to grief --
    He thought, poor man, 'twas right to be a thief.
                                                           Romach Pute
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ESB     Eject Selectric Ball [from IBM typewriter terminals]
%%
Escape charges were lodged against a Buffalo burglary suspect last June
 after he overpowered two city police officers without laying a hand on them.
 In the words of the police report, the man "did escape from custody, in that
 the defendant did flatulate in the car causing an exteme noxious odor
 forcing officers to roll down all windows in the vehicle to ventilate it, at
 which time defendant lunged his body out the side window.
 -- Authentic incident
%%
Escape me ?
Never -
Beloved !
While I am I, and you are you,
  So long as the world
    contains us both,
          Me the loving and you
            the loth,
While the one eludes, must
the other persue.
 -- Robert Browning
%%
Escaping through the lily fields, I came across an empty space
 It trembled and exploded, left a bus stop in its place...
 -- unknown
%%
ESC     Emulate System Crash (Bobby Baum)
%%
Eschew dialect, irregardless.
%%
Eschew obfuscation.
 -- Bumper sticker
%%
ESD     Eject Spinning Disk
%%
Eskimos: God's frozen people.
%%
ESL     Exceed Speed of Light
%%
es, nor the crops, but the kind of man that the country turns out.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
ESOTERIC, adj.  Very particularly abstruse and consummately occult.
The ancient philosophies were of two kinds, -- _exoteric_, those that
the philosophers themselves could partly understand, and _esoteric_,
those that nobody could understand.  It is the latter that have most
profoundly affected modern thought and found greatest acceptance in
our time.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
E-Space is another universe.   There isn't a taxi service,
      goes back and forth.
 -- Doctor Who, EARTHSHOCK
%%
Essentials: everything you left at home.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
 -- Gerritt Blaauw
%%
Establish thou the work of our hands upon us: yea, the work of our
hands establish thou it.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xc, 17
%%
Estimated amount of fat surgically removed from Americans in 1988,
in pounds: 200,400

Estimated amount of silicone and collagen implanted in Americans in 1988,
in pounds: 63,250
%%
Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human
  brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
 -- Harper's Index, October 1989
%%
Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2,
add 3, and change the unit of measure to the next higher unit.
Thus we allocate 2 days for a one-hour task.
 -- Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule
%%
ETB   Eat Tape and Belch
%%
[etc., etc., etc.]
Down-dooby-doo-down-down/breaking up is hard to do.
Have you been this bitter for a while now, or did she just leave you
recently?
 -- Devjani Mishra  A student/professor at Yale
%%
Eternal boredom is the price of constant vigilance.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Eternal smiles his emptiness betray,
As shallow streams run dimpling all the way.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 315
%%
Eternal sunshine settles on its head.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty--power is ever stealing from the
many to the few.
 -- Wendell Phillips
%%
"Eternal Vigilance Is The Price of Liberty" used to mean we watched
the government - not the other way around.
 -- Bill Stewart
%%
Eternity has nothing to do with the hereafter...  This is it...  If
you don't get it here, you won't get it anywhere.  The experience
of eternity right here and now is the function of life.  Heaven is
not the place to have the experience; here's the place to have the
experience.
 -- Joseph Campbell
%%
Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.
 -- Hermann Hesse
%%
Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead.
It is going on all the time.  We are in it now.
 -- Charlotte P Gilman
%%
Eternity's a terrible thought.  I mean, where's it all going to end?
 -- Tom Stoppard, _Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead_
%%
Eternity stands always fronting God; a stern colossal image with
blind eyes, and dim lips, that murmur evermore, "God, God, God!"
 -- Mrs. Browning
%%
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
%%
Ethics are bit a like an erection, no matter how well intended they are prone
 to sudden deflation
 -- Dougal Haston - refering to climbing ethics.
%%
Ethics is not definable, is not implementable, because it is not conscious;
it involves not only our thinking, but also our feeling.
 -- Valdemar W. Setzer
%%
ETHNOLOGY, n.  The science that treats of the various tribes of Man,
as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and
ethnologists.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ethnomagnetism:
 The tendency of young people to live in emotionally
demonstrative, more unrestrained ethnic neighborhoods: "You wouldn't
understand it there, mother - they *hug* where I live now."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
ETI     Execute This Instruction [for recursive programs]
%%
Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely
 essential.
 -- Will Cuppy
%%
ETM     Emulate Trinary Machine
%%
Et sic patet quod totus mundus est sicut unum speculum plenum luminibus
praesentantibus divinam sapientam, et sicut carbo effundens lucem.
%%
Et tu, Brute!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
ETYMOLOGY:  Some early etymological scholars come up with derivations
that were hard for the public to believe.  The term 'etymology' was
formed from the Latin 'etus' ("eaten"), the root 'mal' ("bad"), and
'logy' ("study of").  It meant "the study of things that are hard to
swallow."
 -- Mike Kellen, Oakdale, Minnesota
%%
EUCHARIST, n.  A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi.
    A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as
to what it was that they ate.  In this controversy some five hundred
thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
EU    Electrocute User
%%
EULOGY, n.  Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth
and power, or the consideration to be dead.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Eunichs:  The operating system for real men.
%%
Eunuchs unite - you have nothing to lose.
%%
Eureka!
%%
Euripides says,--
Who knows but that this life is really death,
And whether death is not what men call life?
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pyrrho, viii
%%
Euripides was wont to say, "Silence is an answer to a wise man."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Bashfulness
%%
European Space Operations Centre
Where the real rocket scientists are !
%%
Europe was created by history.  America was created by philosophy.
 -- Margaret Thatcher
%%
Eurybiades lifting up his staff as if he were going to strike, Themistocles
said, "Strike, if you will; but hear."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Themistocles
%%
Eva Goss was a woman given to uncanny intuitions. It was her contention,
 often expressed to Mr. Goss, that the female of the species had an occult
 sixth sense which a mere male did not possess. Some of her intimations of
 disaster bordered on the supernatural, as witness the occasion, some years
 ago, when she had urged Mr. Goss to turn back to the house as they were
 setting out for a drive, because she had a premonition she left her
 cigarette burning somewhere. Mr. Goss could not find her cigarette, but
 while he was looking for it he had laid his lighted cigar on the hall
 table, and the house had burned to the ground. Mrs. Goss could not have
 been more pleased.
 -- Corey Ford
%%
EVANGELIST, n.  A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious
sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of
our neighbors.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Evangelists do it with Him watching.
%%
Evaporation Allowance: The volume of alcohol that the graduate students
   can drink in a year's time.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
%%
EVC     Execute Verbal Commands
%%
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
%%
Even a fool knows that you can't touch the stars,
but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying.
 -- Judge Harry T. Stone
%%
Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvii, 28
%%
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
%%
Even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until it starts to work.
%%
Even a nod from a person who is esteemed is of more force than a thousand
arguments or studied sentences from others.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Phocion
%%
Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!
 -- from Fiddler On The Roof
%%
Even as a surgeon, minding off to cut
Some cureless limb,--before in ure he put
His violent engins on the vicious member,
Bringeth his patient in a senseless slumber,
And grief-less then (guided by use and art),
To save the whole, sawes off th' infested part.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Sixth Day
%%
Even a single hair casts its shadow.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 228
%%
Even at the turning o' the tide.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies
%%
Even bargains cost money.
%%
    Even for a wizard there will often come times when someone close to you,
perhaps even your spouse, criticizes your habits by comparing them to those of
animals. This is distinctly unfair to the animals, who have far better habits
than we in many areas. When, for example, have you seen a frog collecting taxes
or a squirrel running for electoral office? Present arguments like these to
those people who criticize you. If they still do not see the wisdom of your
ways, you may then feel free to bite them.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. IX
%%
Even God cannot change the past.
 -- Agathon (447-401 B.C.E.)
%%
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
 -- Menander
%%
Even God's providence
  Seeming estrang'd.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Bridge of Sighs
%%
Even granting that the genius subjected to the test of critical inspection
emerges free from all error, we should consider that everything he has
discovered in a given domain is almost nothing in comparison with what
is left to be discovered.
 -- Santiago Ramon y Cajal
%%
Even her garbage was gift-wrapped.
 -- James Komack
%%
Even his ignorance is encyclopedic.
 -- Stanislaw Lem
%%
Even historians fail to learn from history -- they repeat the
  same mistakes.
 -- John Gill, "Patterns of Force," stardate 2534.7.
%%
Even if I'm not asleep, that doesn't mean I'm awake.
%%
Even if it can't, it might.
 -- A. J. Barton
%%
Even if it DOES matter, does it matter that it matters?  Zootlewurdle
zootlewurdle zootlewurdle...
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Even if the propeller had the power of propelling a vessel, it would be found
 altogether useless in practice, because the power being applied in the stern
 would be absolutely impossible to make the vessel steer.
 -- Sir William Symonds - British Royal Navy, 1837
%%
Even if the story isn't true, if hase a grain of sense and instruction to  it,
and it's entertaining as well, it's worth the telling.
%%
Even if we put all these nagging thoughts [four embarrassing questions about
astrology] aside for a moment, one overriding question remains to be asked.
Why would the positions of celestial objects at the moment of birth have an
effect on our characters, lives, or destinies?  What force or influence,
what sort of energy would travel from the planets and stars to all human
beings and affect our development or fate?  No amount of scientific-sounding
jargon or computerized calculations by astrologers can disguise this central
problem with astrology -- we can find no evidence of a mechanism by which
celestial objects can influence us in so specific and personal a way. . . .
Some astrologers argue that there may be a still unknown force that represents
the astrological influence. . . .If so, astrological predictions -- like those
of any scientific field -- should be easily tested. . . . Astrologers always
claim to be just a little too busy to carry out such careful tests of their
efficacy, so in the last two decades scientists and statisticians have
generously done such testing for them.  There have been dozens of well-designed
tests all around the world, and astrology has failed every one of them. . . .
I propose that we let those beckoning lights in the sky awaken our interest
in the real (and fascinating) universe beyond our planet, and not let them
keep us tied to an ancient fantasy left over from a time when we huddled by
the firelight, afraid of the night.
 -- Andrew Fraknoi, Executive Officer, Astronomical Society of the Pacific,
 -- "Why Astrology Believers Should Feel Embarrassed,"
 -- San Jose Mercury News, May 8, 1988
%%
Even if you can deceive people about a product through misleading statements,
sooner or later the product will speak for itself.
 -- Hajime Karatsu
%%
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
 speak it to?
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
Even if you had the guts, you'd only be doing me a favor.
 -- Greg Sutton (the oil man), INFERNO
%%
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
%%
Even if you put a woman on a pedestal, it's still a pedestal.
%%
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Even if you start your laundry before 8 AM on Saturday, you will not finish
 folding it until after midnight on Sunday.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Even in 1956, when informed of his mother's brutal
 murder, he restricted his comments to one word:
 `Good.'
 -- From the medical report on Rorschach. WATCHMEN #6
%%
Even in mathematics, the sacred yoni appears in both the shape and
substance of 0, the void, while the lingam appears in the shape and
substance of 1, the creative lightning, and out of the union of the
0 and 1, all of the numbers of creation can be generated in binary
notation.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson
%%
Even in the afternoon of her best days.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iii, Sc. 7
%%
Even in the force and road of casualty.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 9
%%
Even in the presence of others he was completely alone.
 -- Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
%%
Even in war, moral power is to physical as three parts out of four.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Even light, which travels so fast that it takes most races thousands of years
to realize that it travels at all, takes time to journey between the stars.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
%%
Even Napoleon had his Watergate
%%
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman
 without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
Even now, I go to someone's house and think I am being a good guest if I am
very quiet, don't ask for anything, and refuse anything that's offered.  This
behavior makes other people think of me as a nincompoop.
 -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
Even opinion is of force enough to make itself to be espoused at the
expense of life.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. xl, Of Good and Evil
%%
Even overweight cats instinctively know the cardinal rule:
when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses
 --  John Weitz
%%
Even paranoids have enemies.
 -- Jim Pastore
%%
Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
Even rats learn from experience.
 -- George Skarbek
%%
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Even such a man, so faint, so spiritless,
So dull, so dead in look, so woe-begone,
Drew Priam's curtain in the dead of night,
And would have told him half his Troy was burnt.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Even such is time, that takes in trust
Our youth, our joys, our all we have,
And pays us but with age and dust;
Who in the dark and silent grave,
When we have wandered all our ways,
Shuts up the story of our days.
But from this earth, this grave, this dust,
My God shall raise me up, I trust!
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- Written the night before his death,
 -- Found in his Bible in the Gate-house at Westminster
%%
Even supervising can be fun you know.
%%
Even the best of all bargains costs something,
 and if it is that good, it usually isn't worth having.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
 -- Kehlog Albran, The Profit
%%
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
%%
Even the finest of cookbooks is no substitute for the poorest of dinners.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Even the gods cannot change history.
 -- Agathon (448-400 B.C.)
 -- Quoted in Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Bk, VI, Ch. 2, 1139 b 10
%%
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
%%
Even the most boundless love can end.
 -- Rhett Butler, to Scarlet O'Hara, _Gone With The Wind_
%%
Even the most primitive societies have an innate respect for the insane.
 -- The Motorcycle Boy
%%
Even the most scientific investigator in science, the most thoroughgoing
Positivist, cannot dispense with fiction; he must at least make use of
categories, and they are already fictions, analogical fictions, or labels,
which give us the same pleasure as children receive when they are told the
"name" of a thing.
 -- Havelock Ellis
%%
Even the most wrinkled prune has a pit.
%%
Even the music was nice.
 -- Yogi Berra (speaking of the opera "Tosca").
%%
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
%%
Even the works of the great Shakespeare will
 disappear when the universe burns out -- not such
 a terrible thought, of course, when it comes to a
 play like "Titus Andronicus", but what about the others?
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Even the worthy Homer sometimes nods.
 -- Horace (65-8 BC)
 -- Ars Poetica, 359
%%
Even things in themselves not positively advantageous, sometimes
become so, by their tendency to provoke exertion. Every new scene,
which is opened to the busy nature of man to rouse and exert itself,
is the addition of a new energy to the general stock of effort.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Even though a number of people have tried,
no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
 -- Jean Kerr
%%
Even though Federal health officials are promoting less tobacco use,
the tobacco industry should continue to expand in foreign markets.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Even though he was and enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he
had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched
me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit
of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my own meals, and even
hurl large rocks at their heads.  It was only later that I discovered
they were not Indians at all, but dirty clothes hampers.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
"Even though Mr. Chisel was cleared on all counts of bank fraud, the
 judge sentenced him to 1000 hours of community service - just in case."
 -- Marshall, "The ATM Machine", Eerie Indiana
%%
Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only two cents a
day.
%%
Even today two can live as cheaply as one. But both must be working.
%%
Events later this year will prove your life isn't as bad as it could be.
%%
Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it.
 The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks
from the basement of time.  On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops.
 Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.
 I am haunted by waters.
 --  Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It p. 1
%%
Eventually, everything will be there.
%%
Eventually, I hope I'll learn to face death - if I live long enough.
%%
    Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks.  History call people Romans
because they never stayed in one place for very long.  At Roman banquets, the
guests wore garlic in their hair.  Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul.  The Ides of March killed him because they thought he
was going to be made king.  Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor
subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
Eventually you will come to admire the swift elegance of a retreating nymph.
%%
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the
 concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening
 him with it much more effective.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Even water tastes bad when taken on doctor's orders.
 -- MURPHY'S FLU PHILOSOPHY
%%
Even when uttered by Democrats, "middle class" often
sounds like a mealymouthed way of saying, "Us, and not them,"
where them includes poor people, snake handlers and those with
pierced tongues.
 -- Barbara Ehrenreich
%%
Even when you do find food, it's wicked expensive (like everything else at
WDW!).
%%
Even with all our technology there is no way to make an
8000m peak safe.  You must go thinking you will not come back.
 -- Reinhold Messner
%%
"Ever ask yourself 'How I got here'?"
"I use to, now I just ask myself how the hell do I get out."
 -- Hiding Out
%%
Ever charming, ever new,
When will the landscape tire the view?
 -- John Dyer (1700-1758)
 -- Grongar Hill, Line 102
%%
Ever free-climbed a thousand foot vertical cliff with 60 pounds of gear
 strapped to your butt?
     No.
'Course you haven't, you fruit-loop little geek.
 -- The Mountain Man, one of Dana Carvey's SNL characters
[ditto]
%%
Ever have an out-of-body experience? [yn]
Wow, man. Fly the friendly skies....
%%
Ever have one of those millennia?
%%
Ever heard of this theory of "trickle down?"  That's ridiculous. We're
talking about trickling up. We're talking about climbing up the ladder.
 --  Vice President Dan Quayle trying to encourage teenage
                    students in Salinas, California to push themselves in
                    school. (The Fresno Bee, 5/19/92, taken from The
                    Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
Ever judge of men by their professions. For though the bright moment
of promising is but a moment, and cannot be prolonged, yet if sincere
in its moment's extravagant goodness, why, trust it, and know the
man by it, I say,--not by his performance; which is half the world's
work, interfere as the world needs must with its accidents and circumstances:
the profession was purely the man's own. I judge people by what they
might be,--not are, nor will be.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Soul's Tragedy, Act ii
%%
EVERLASTING, adj.  Lasting forever.  It is with no small diffidence
that I venture to offer this brief and elementary definition, for I am
not unaware of the existence of a bulky volume by a sometime Bishop of
Worcester, entitled, _A Partial Definition of the Word "Everlasting,"
as Used in the Authorized Version of the Holy Scriptures_.  His book
was once esteemed of great authority in the Anglican Church, and is
still, I understand, studied with pleasure to the mind and profit of
the soul.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ever let your parakeet out of its cage? They fly across the room, right
 into the mirror ... He would hit that mirror: Bang! And he would fly off in
 some other direction trying to get it together. He's so stupid. Even if he
 thought the mirror was another room, you'd think he'd try to avoid hitting
 the other parakeet!
 -- Jerry Seinfeld
%%
Evermore thanks, the exchequer of the poor.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Ever negotiate with lawyers at a huge company?  If they saw you
drowning 100 feet from the shore, they'd through you a 51-foot rope
and say they went more than halfway.
 -- Paul Somerson in 'PC Computing,' 1996
%%
Ever notice how a dog likes to bark at a drunk? And vice versa?
 -- Pat Buttram
%%
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
%%
Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press?  I don't get it...
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Ever notice how religion and a political campaign are alike? You
can't tell if the promises are true until it's too late to go back.
%%
Ever notice that "cat the output to 'time'" makes more sense if you read it
backwards?
%%
Ever notice that even the busiest people are
 never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
%%
Ever notice that fifteen minutes into a Jerry Lewis telethon you start
 rooting for the disease?
 -- Jim Sherbert
%%
Ever notice that IMHO sounds a lot like `I'm a whore'?--that's why
every time you see those letters you should think `Who's the pimp?'.
 -- "Bob"'s Big Book of Things to Say, Think, and Do on the Net,
 -- O'Reilly & Assoc., Dobbstown (1984)
%%
Ever notice that what the hell is always the right decision?
 -- Marilyn Monroe
%%
Ever of thee I 'm fondly dreaming,
Thy gentle voice my spirit can cheer.
 -- George Linley (1798-1865)
 -- Ever of Thee
%%
"Ever see a Dirty Harry movie?"
  "Yessir!"
"Like 'em?"
  "Yessir!  Very much so!"
 -- A soldier with a gun to his head in "The American"
%%
Ever shoot an elephant in your pajamas?
%%
Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's
 punishment has been to have to supply a man with food and then suffer the
 consequences when it disagrees with him.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
Ever since prehistoric times, wise men have tried to understand what,
exactly, make people laugh.  That's why they were called wise men.
All the other prehistoric people were out puncturing each other with
spears, and the wise men were back in the cave saying: How about:
Would you please take my wife?     No.  How about: Here is my wife, please
take her right now.  No How about:  Would you like to take something?
My wife is available.  No.  How about ...
 -- Dave Barry, Why Humor is Funny
%%
Ever tried to catch a flying boomerang?
%%
Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
Just spell "Evian" backwards!
%%
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
 -- John Mendoza
%%
Ever wonder why they don't make the zippers on these things go further?
%%
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
%%
Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
%%
Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
 -- Newton's Fourth Law
%%
Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.
 -- Edwin Hubbel Chapin
%%
Every action or decision of an institution must be intended to keep
the institution machinery working.
 -- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
Every actual State is corrupt.  Good men must not obey laws too well.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Politics"
%%
Every adult needs a child to teach;
it's the way adults learn.
 -- Frank A. Clark
%%
Every age and generation must be as free to act for itself,
in all cases, as the ages and generations which preceeded it.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
Every age has its pleasures, its style of wit, and its own ways.
 -- Nicholas Boileau-Despreaux (1636-1711)
 -- The Art of Poetry, Canto iii, Line 374
%%
Every animal leaves traces of what it was;
man alone leaves traces of what he created.
 -- Jacob Bronowski
%%
Every answer he [President John Adams] gives to his addressers unmasks
more and more his principles and views.  His language to the young
men at Philadelphia is the most abominable and degrading that could
fall from the lips of the first magistrate of an independent people,
and particularly from a Revolutionary patriot.
 -- James Madison, Letter to Thomas Jefferson, May 20, 1798
%%
Every art and every faculty contemplates certain things as its principal
objects.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xx
%%
Every baby resembles the relative who has the most money.
 -- Luke McLuke (James Syme Hastings)
%%
Every beginning is a consequence.
Every beginning ends something
 -- Paul Valery, French poet
%%
Every body continues in its state of rest or uniform
motion in a straight line, except insofar as it doesn't.
 -- Sir Arthur Eddington
%%
Everybody experiences far more than he understands. Yet it is
experience, rather than understanding, that influences behavior.
 -- Marshall McLuhan
%%
Everybody gets free BORSCHT!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Everybody gets so much information all day along
that they lose their common sense.
 -- Gertrude Stein
%%
Everybody got mixed feelings about the function and the form; everybody got
 to deviate from the norm.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
 Everybody has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 33
%%
Everybody has his own theater, in which he is manager, actor, prompter,
playwrite, sceneshifter, boxkeeper, doorkeeper, all in one, and audience
into the bargain.
 -- Julius C. Hare, Augustus W. Hare, Guesses at Truth
%%
Everybody has sex now. When I was a kid only women had sex and you had to
 get it from them. We got a battery-powered sexual aid. Actually, a
 flashlight. When I was performing she would wave it back and forth to
 create an illusion of motion.
 -- Tony Stone
%%
Everybody has something to conceal.
 -- Humphrey Bogart
%%
Everybody has to be somebody to someone, somewhere, sometime, so that they
 can be anybody to anyone at anytime.
%%
Everybody in Los Angeles is in therapy. It's a good thing they don't have
 parking spaces for the emotionally handicapped. There'd be no place to
 park.
 -- Jackson Perdue
%%
Everybody in this room is wearing a uniform, so don't kid yourself...
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Everybody is going somewhere!!  It's probably a garage sale
 or a disaster Movie!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Everybody is someone else's weirdo.
 -- Dijkstra
%%
"Everybody is talking about the weather but nobody does anything about it."
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Everybody knows they're worth something on this
 world.  But we're never quite sure on my planet.
 We're always trying to prove it to someone.
 -- Another solemn, gently ironic line from ZOT!
%%
Everybody lies about sex.
%%
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
 -- Lieberman's Law
%%
Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
Everybody likes and respects self-made men. It is a great deal better
to be made in that way than not to be made at all.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, i
%%
Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
%%
Everybody must get stoned
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
%%
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in,
where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul alike.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Everybody ought to have a butler.
%%
Everybody ought to have a friend.
%%
Everybody sets out to do something,
and everybody does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.
 -- Moore's Constant
%%
Everybody's got a horror story to tell.
 -- Dr Adder
%%
Everybody's got plans...until they get hit.
 -- Mike Tyson, heavyweight champ on plans released by Tyrell Biggs' camp
 -- on how they would defeat the champ.
%%
Everybody should believe in something;
I believe I'll have another drink.
 -- Mary Steele
%%
Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
 -- Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy
%%
Everybody should have tasted a scorpion at least once in his life.
%%
Everybody thinks himself well-bred.
%%
Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow.
 -- Goethe
%%
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
%%
Everybody wants to peel their own banana.
 -- Young's Principle of Individuality
%%
Everybody wants to see justice done, to somebody else.
 -- Bruce Cockburn
%%
Everybody worships me, it's nauseating.
 -- Sir Noel Coward
%%
Every book its reader.
 -- Third law of library science
%%
Every bride has to learn it's not her wedding but her mother's.
%%
Every bug you find is the last one.
%%
Every burned book enlightens the world.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Compensation
%%
Every calling is great when greatly pursued.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%%
Every child born in America can hope to grow up to enjoy tax loopholes.
%%
Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man.
 -- Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)
%%
Every child is an artist. The problem is to remain an artist once he
grows up.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
Every clarification breeds new questions.
 -- Murphy's Twelfth Law
%%
Every cocke is proud on his owne dunghill.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT.
%%
Every crowd has a silver lining.
 -- Phineas Taylor Barnum
%%
Every day I am aware of the flow and constant change; perhaps I am at the
edge of discovering what more our bodies might be able to teach about the
spirit of life. At least, I am always exploring and trying to understand
our relationship to the whole universe.
 -- Ruth Bernhard
%%
Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
 -- Emile Coue
%%
Everyday in everyway I'm getting better and better, at least thats
what the little green men from mars keep telling me.
%%
Everyday is Earth Day for Miners.
%%
"Everyday I see myself in the mirror
But I do not know who's staring back at me"
 -- Midwinter Night
%%
Every day, people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
Every day should be passed as if it were to be our last.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 633
%%
Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food.  You may wonder how it
 weighs the food.  It doesn't.  It just eats another hummingbird.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Every dog must have its day.
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
Every dog should be a domesticated one.
%%
Every editor of newspapers pays tribute to the Devil.
 -- La Fontaine
%%
Every employee begins at his level of competence.
 -- Peter's Hidden Postulate According to Godin
%%
Every employee should lay aside from each pay a goodly
sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years, so
that he will not become a burden on society or his betters.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Every evil to which we do not succumb is a benefactor.
 -- Emerson
%%
Every exit is an entry somewhere else.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
Every extension of knowledge arises from making the conscious the unconscious.
 -- Friedrich Nietzche
%%
Every fat must stand upon his bottom.
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 -- Pilgrim's Progress, Part i
%%
Every few thousand years a random lottery is held and one person is
granted immortality.  The latest winner is Dick Clark.
%%
Every fool will be meddling.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xx, 3
%%
Every four seconds a woman has a baby.  Our problem is to find this
woman and stop her.
%%
Every free citizen is an ENEMY of the STATE.
 -- Kurt J. Robertson
%%
Every generation got its own disease.
I've got mine, babe.
 -- Fury in the Slaugtherhouse
%%
Every generation laughs at the old fashions but religiously follows the new.
 -- Thoreau
%%
Every generation thinks it has the answers, and every generation is
humbled by nature.
 -- Philip Lubin
%%
Every good person has learned how to obey, whom to obey and when to obey.
 Valuable lessons each.
%%
Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed.
 -- I. F. Stone
%%
Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute
rejection of authority.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination.
 -- John Dewey
%%
Every great and commanding moment in the annals of the world is
the triumph of somebody's enthusiasm.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Every great decision creates ripples--like a huge boulder dropped in
 a lake.  The ripples merge, rebound off the banks in unforseeable ways.
 The heavier the decision, the larger the waves, the more uncertain the
 consequences.
 -- Doctor Who, REMEMBRANCE OF THE DALEKS
%%
Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or exceeding
the greatness of an idea.
 -- Hunt's Law
%%
Every great improvement has come after repeated failures. Virtually
nothing comes out right the first time. Failures, repeated failures,
are fingerposts on the road to achievement.
 -- Charles R. Kettering
%%
Every great or original writer in proportion as he is great or original,
must himself create the taste by which he must be relished.
 -- Wordsworth
%%
Every great philosophy is unconscious autobiography.
%%
Every great scientific truth goes through three states: First people
say it conflicts with the Bible; next, they say it has been discovered
before; lastly, they say they always believed it.
 -- (Jean) Louis (Rodolphe) Agassiz (1807-1873),
 -- Swiss-born, American naturalist
 -- Attributed
%%
Every group has a couple of experts.  And every group has at least one idiot.
Thus are balance and harmony (and discord) maintained.  It's sometimes hard
to remember this in the bulk of the flamewars that all of the hassle and
pain is generally caused by one or two highly-motivated, caustic twits.
 -- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@apple.com, about Usenet
%%
Every guilty person is his own hangman.
 -- Seneca
%%
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not
fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.  This world in arms is not
spending money alone.  It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the
genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.  This is not a way
of life at all in any true sense.  Under the clouds of war, it is
humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
 -- Dwight Eisenhower, April 16, 1953
%%
Every habit and faculty is preserved and increased by correspondent
actions,--as the habit of walking, by walking; of running, by running.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- How the Semblances of Things are to be combated,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xviii
%%
Every hand has only one finger to put a ring on. You've got only two hands. So?
%%
Every hero becomes a bore at last.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Representative Men"
%%
Every human being has, like Socrates, an attendant spirit; and wise
are they who obey its signals. If it does not always tell us what
to do, it always cautions us what not to do.
 -- Lydia M. Child (1802-1880), Philothea: A Romance, ch. 6 (1836)
%%
Every important document
you write will contain at least one egregious typographical error.
The more pubic the document, the more embarrassing the error.
 -- The Principle of Documentary Fallibility
%%
Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
 -- Frank Moore Colby
%%
Every institution I've ever been associated with has tried to screw me.
 -- Stephen Wolfram
%%
Every instructor assumes you have nothing to do but study for his course.
 -- STUDENT'S LAW
%%
Every interesting program has at least one variable, one branch, and one
 loop... and at least one bug!
%%
Every investigation which is guided by principles of Nature fixes
its ultimate aim entirely on gratifying the stomach.
 -- Athenaeus (c. 200 AD)
 -- The Deipnosophists, vii, 11
%%
Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with
excellence.
%%
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for
 it.
 -- Russel Lynes
%%
Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the
 part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of.
 -- They Might Be Giants
%%
Every kid dreams of being the star of their own TV show. Take it from
 me, it's a living hell.
 -- Marshall, "Reality Takes a Holiday", Eerie Indiana
%%
Every Klingon hopes to die in the line of duty.
 -- Worf, "The Bonding", stardate 43198.7
%%
Every lady of breeding knows: no one has a good time on a pirate ship.
No one, that is, but the pirates.  Yet there she was, Merry Wilding --
kidnapped in error, taken from a ship bound from New York to England,
spirited away in a barrel and swept aboard the infamous "Black Joke"...
There she was, trembling with pleasure in the arms of her achingly handsome,
sensationally sensual, golden-haired captor
 -- Devon
%%
Every line a straight line, every pause a song cue.
%%
Every little BYTE helps.
%%
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
 -- Don Vonada
%%
Every living thing wants to survive.
 -- Spock, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4731.3.
%%
Every major horror of history was committed in
the name of an altruistic motive.  Has any act of
selfishness ever equalled the carnage perpetrated
by disciples of altruism?
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
Every man and woman thinks of changing humanity, but none think of changing
themselves.
%%
Every man at his best state is altogether vanity.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxix, 5
%%
Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in
the world weigh less than a single lovely action.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Rousseau and the Sentimentalists
%%
Every man for himselfe and God for us all.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
Every man for himself, his own ends, the Devil for all.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 1, Memb. 3
%%
Every man has a price.
%%
Every man has a right to be wrong in his opinions.
But no man has a right to be wrong in his facts.
 -- Bernard Baruch
%%
Every man has business and desire,
Such as it is.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Every man has his fault, and honesty is his.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting
thing he had got.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Every man has his price.  Every price has its man.
%%
Every man has his price.  Mine is $3.95.
%%
Every man has one thing he can do better than anyone else - and usually
it's reading his own handwriting.
 -- G. Norman Collie
%%
Every man has three characters:  that which he exhibits, that which
he has, and that which he thinks he has.
 -- Alphonse Karr (1808-1890)
%%
Every man hath a good and a bad angel attending on him in particular,
all his life long.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
Every man is a damn fool at least five minutes every day;
wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Every man is as Heaven made him, and sometimes a great deal worse.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. iv
%%
Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
[Faber est suae quisquae fortunae.]
 -- Sallustius
%%
Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when
pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked
by a mad notion.
 -- Robertson Davies
%%
Every man is wrong until he cries, and then he is right, instantly.
%%
Every man meets his Waterloo at last.
 -- Wendell Phillips (1811-1884)
 -- Speech, Nov. 1, 1859
%%
Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Stray Sayings"
%%
Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener.
%%
Every man sees in his relatives a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Every man shall bear his own burden.
 -- New Testament
 -- Galatians vi, 5
%%
Every man's life, liberty, and property are in danger when the
Legislature is in session.
 -- Gideon J. Tucker
%%
Every man's wit
 must come from every man's soul,
 and no other's body.
 -- Laurence Stern
%%
Every man's work is a portrait of himself.
%%
Every man's work shall be made manifest.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians iii, 13
%%
Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision
for the limits of the worls.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher
%%
Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself,
and the wife smiles and lets it go at that.
 -- J.M. Barrie
%%
Every man who possesses power is impelled to abuse it.
 -- Baron de La Brede et de Montesquieu
%%
Every moment of pleasure in life has to be purchased by an equal moment
  of pain.
 -- Danilo O'Dell, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
richest people in America.   If I'm not there, I go to work
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
%%
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer
%%
Every nation sincerely desires peace;
and all nations pursue courses which if persisted in,
must make peace impossible.
 -- Sir Norman Angell
%%
Every natural fact is a symbol of some spiritual fact.
 -- Emerson
%%
Every new adjustment is a crisis in self-esteem.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
Every new debt is yet another
 strand in the noose around your neck.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.

It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
%%
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the
 black flag, and begin slitting throats.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Every once in a while a film comes along.  This is such a film.
 -- Mad Magazine
%%
Every once in a while declare peace, it confuses the hell out of your enemies.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #76
%%
...every once in a while, you can get shown the light in the strangest of
places if you just look at it right...
 -- Grateful Dead
%%
Every once in a while, you let a word or phrase out and you want to
catch it and bring it back. You can't do that. It's gone, gone
forever.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/4/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Everyone becomes, if they are around long enough,
 the thing they most dispise.
%%
Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire.
 -- Jean de La Fontaine
%%
Everyone can be taught to sculpt:
Michelangelo would have had to be taught how not to.
So it is with the great programmers.
%%
Every one can master a grief but he that has it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Everyone complains of his lack of memory, but nobody of his want of judgment.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgement.
 -- Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Everyone else is getting laid while I'm getting screwed.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Every one excels in something in which another fails.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 17
%%
Every one fault seeming monstrous till his fellow-fault came to match it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Everyone feels so proud when the get a new lawn started, and then feels bad
 when they can't get the darned thing to stop.
%%
Everyone has a purpose in life.  Perhaps yours is watching television.
 -- David Letterman
%%
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
 -- Howe's Law
%%
Everyone has heard of Canterbury if only because they murder
archbishops there.
 -- Michael Powell
%%
Everyone has their own talents, and if a cow gives milk, it need not fell
 sorry or guilty that it does not play the violin.
%%
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
%%
Everyone I know drinks Miller Lite.  And if they don't, I probably
don't know them.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Everyone is a genius.  It's just that some people are too stupid to
realize it.
%%
Everyone is always someplace else.
 -- Amand's Law of Management
%%
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.
%%
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
 -- Edgard Varese
%%
Every one is bound to bear patiently the results of his own example.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book i, Fable 26, 12
%%
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
%%
Everyone is entitled to an *informed* opinion.
 -- Harlan Ellison
%%
Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.
 -- Yiddish proverb
%%
Everyone is looking at you staring at my tits.
%%
Every one is more or less mad on one point.
 -- Rudyard Kipling, "On the Strength of a Likeness"
%%
Everyone, I think, remembers Voltaire's famous line about freedom of
 speech. The version of it that you are familiar with is actually based on a
 faulty translation. What Voltaire actually said was this: "I do not agree
 with what you say, sir, though I will defend to the death your right to say
 it. But for now ... shut up!"
 -- Steve Allen
%%
Everyone knows that adders can only multiply on a table of logs.
%%
Everyone knows that dragons don't exist.  But while this simplistic
formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the
scientific mind.  The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact
wholly unconcerned with what does exist.  Indeed, the banality of
existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to
discuss it any further here.  The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the
problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the
mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical.  They were all,
one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely
different way ...
 -- Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad
%%
Everyone knows that there is a solution to every problem, but not everyone
 is aware that every solution to a problem brings about additional problems
 far worse than the problem for which the solution is known.
%%
Everyone likes flattery, and when you come to Royalty you should lay it
on with a trowel.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Everyone makes mistakes.  The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
%%
Everyone must buy the co-sysop a beer!
 -- Rule #5a
%%
Everyone must row with the oars he has.
 -- English proverb
%%
Everyone ought to have a maid.
%%
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
 -- The Peter Principle, Dr. Lawrence J. Peter
%%
Everyone's head is a cheap movie show.
 -- Jeff G. Bone
%%
 Everyone should be a non-conformist.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun
with singular nouns in their writing.
%%
Everyone should have manners, and anyone who doesn't should be kicked out
 of where ever they are and whipped until they bleed.
%%
Everyone's so nice to me. What have I done to deserve it?
%%
Everyone stays busy keeping other people busy.
%%
Everyone stopping by with unsought-for advice will see your mistake.
 -- Finagle's Third Law, Corollary 2
%%
Everyone talks about apathy, but no one does anything about it.
%%
Everyone talks about documentation, but nobody ever does anything about it.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #8
%%
Everyone talks about reality, but no one ever does anything about it.
%%
Every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 8
%%
Every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness:
for he is a babe.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews v, 13
%%
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing
himself.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
Everyone wants a bus service to their door,
but no one wants a bus service in their street.
%%
Everyone wants to be Cary Grant... *I* want to be Cary Grant.
 -- Archibald Leech [Cary Grant]
%%
Everyone was born right-handed.  Only the greatest overcome it.
%%
Everyone was seeing red, except for Foggerty, who was colour-blind.
%%
Everyone who comes in here wants three things:
        1. They want it quick.
        2. They want it good.
 3. They want it cheap.
I tell 'em to pick two and call me back.
 -- sign on the back wall of a small printing company in Delaware
%%
Everyone will avoid you, even though your personality isn't infectious.
%%
Every one wishes to have truth on his side, but it is not every one that
sincerely wishes to be on the side of truth.
 -- Whately
%%
Everyone would be so happy if everyone read the manual.
%%
Everyone writes on the walls but me.
 -- Graffiti seen in Pompeii
%%
Every opportunity we have to run our R&D scientists and engineers against
 our customers, we do it.
 -- George Heilmeier, Texas Instruments Inc., Dallas
%%
Every organization has an allotted number of positions to be filled
by misfits.
 -- Owen's Theory of Organizational Deviance
When one misfit leaves, another will be recruited.
 -- Corollary
%%
Every passing hour brings the solar system forty-three miles closer to
Globular System M13 in Hercules -- and still there are some misfits
who insist that there is no such thing as progress!
 -- Ransom K. Fern, Preface to Vonnegut's "Sirens of Titan"
%%
Every person is an individual; we all have a set of designer genes.
%%
Every person who has mastered a profession is a skeptic concerning it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Every physician almost hath his favourite disease.
 -- from "Tom Jones" by Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
%%
Every politician we have, liberal or conservative, who gets caught drinking
 or chasing women is thrown out of office. It's backwards. It's more
 dangerous to have a clean-living President with his finger on the button.
 He thinks he's going right to heaven. You want to feel safe with a leader?
 Give me a guy who fights in bars and cheats on his wife. This is a man who
 wants to put off Judgment Day as long as possible.
 -- Larry Miller
%%
Every production must resemble its author.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote
%%
Every prof blows this. We're all going to get AIDS or something.
 -- J. Vanderkooy Physics 122
%%

Every program at MIT attempts to expand until it can read mail.
Those programs which cannot expand are replaced by ones which can.
 -- The Law of Software Envelopment
%%
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one
instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every
program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
%%
Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for
 which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
%%
Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail.
 -- The Law of Software Development and Envelopment at MIT
%%
Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
%%
Every puny whipster.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Every purchase has its price.
%%
Every reader his book.
 -- Second Law of Library Science
%%
Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new
bureaucracy.
 -- Franz Kafka
%%
Every revolution was first a thought in one man's mind.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Every room
Hath blazed with lights and bray'd with minstrelsy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Every schoolboy hath that famous testament of Grunnius Corocotta Porcellus
at his fingers' end.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 1, Memb. 1, Subsect. 1
%%
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
%%
Every single trip to the laundromat results in the loss of one
important item of clothing.
%%
Every society honours its live conformists and its dead troublemakers.
 -- Mignon Mclaughlin
%%
Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper .... everyone was
 eating paper and a policeman was at the door.   Now all you have to do is
 bend a disk.
 -- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
 -- commenting on the benefits of using computers in support of their movement
%%
Every solution breeds new problems.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  7
%%
Every so often I find myself giving out a business address
over the phone that includes the postal code M5H 2N6.
I'm always tempted to say:
   "M as in Mormon... N as in nary"
%%
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite
 picture.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
    Every sorcerer should explore as much of the world as he can, for travel
is enlightening. There are certain circumstances, such as a major spell gone
awry, or an influential customer enraged at the size of your fee, where travel
becomes more enlightening still.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. V
%%
Every Spam is sacred
%%
Every subject's duty is the king's; but every subject's soul is his own.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure
 is no guarantee of eventual success.
%%
Every sunset which I witness inspires me with the desire to go a west as
distant and fair...We dream all night of those mountain-ridges on the
horizon...which were last gilded by his rays.
 -- Thoreau
%%
Every tenth Jesus is queer
%%
Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the
     colonel's HQ.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #30
%%
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
%%
Everything changes but change itself.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
Every thing changes but the avant garde.
%%
Everything comes if a man will only wait.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Tancred, Book iv, Chap. viii, (1847)
%%
Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.
 -- Thomas Edison, inventor
%%
Everything comes to him who waits, among other things, death.
 -- Francis Bradley
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - and if you hang around long enough,
 you'll get yours!
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - and in a building with one elevator, it
 will also be noticed that the thing goes up twice before it comes down
 once.
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - and in an airport it is usually the
 voice over the public address system announcing that your flight has been
 cancelled.
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - and in the doctors office, you can
 catch most of it.
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - except a loaned book.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - except that urgent return phone call.
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - in Hungary, it is called Goulash.
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - it is called hash.
%%
Everything comes to him who waits - save the item he loaned to a friend.
%%
Everything comes to the man who is least in need of it, and at a time when
 it is inconvenient for him to receive it.
%%
Everything costs more and takes longer.
 -- Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules
%%
 Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually
 plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 42
%%
Everything flows and nothing abides;
everything gives way and nothing stays fixed.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
Everything goes wrong all at once.
 -- Quantization Revision of Murphy's Law (Thyme's Law)
%%
Everything goes wrong at once.
 -- Thyme's Law
%%
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
 -- Paul Hebig
%%
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%
"Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think
of it again."
 -- Johann von Goethe
%%
Everything has two handles,--one by which it may be borne; another
by which it cannot.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Enchiridion, xliii
%%
Everything has two handles; the one soft and manageable, the other such as will
not endure to be touched. If then your brother do you an injury, do not take it
by the hot hard handle, by representing to yourself all the aggravating
circumstances of the fact; but look rather on the soft side, and extenuate it
as much as is possible, by considering the nearness of the relation, and the
long friendship and familiarity between you- obligations to kindness which a
single provocation ought not to dissolve. And thus you will take the accident
by the manageable handle.
 -- Epictetus
%%
Everything, including the corn flakes, is greasy.
 -- Law of Institutional Food
%%
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN CORPORATE AMERICA  Part 1 of 2
1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
 -- Gregory Singleton
%%
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN CORPORATE AMERICA  Part 2 of 2
17. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
18. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
19. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
20. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
21. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
22. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
23. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
24. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
25. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
26. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you
realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
27. Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.
28. No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.
29. Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing.
30. Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
31. Never pass a snow plow on the right.
 -- Gregory Singleton
%%
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN
 1. Share everything.                2. Play fair.
 3. Don't hit people.                4. Put things back where you found them.
 5. Clean up your own mess.
 6. Don't take things that aren't yours.
 7. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
 8. Wash your hands before you eat.  9. Flush.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11. Live a balanced life--learn some and think some and draw and paint
    and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
12. Take a nap every afternoon.
13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands,
    and stick together.
14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup:
    The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why,
    but we are all like that.
15. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the
    Styrofoam cup--they all die. So do we.
16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned
    --the biggest word of all--LOOK.
 -- Robert Fulghum
%%
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites.
    Moderation is for monks.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Everything in life is somewhere else and you get there by car.
%%
Everything in Nature contains all the powers of Nature.  Everything is made of
one hidden stuff.
 -- Emerson
%%
Everything in the universe is packaging, big toys, or meat.
%%
Everything in the world may be endured except continual prosperity.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
%%
Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
 -- O'Brian's Law
%%
Everything I say can stand on its own two faces.
%%
Everything I say is a lie...
%%
Everything is cold except what should be.
 -- Law of Institutional Food
%%
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which,
unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
%%
Everything is drive-through. In California they even have a burial service
 called Jump-in-the-Box.
 -- Wil Shriner
%%
Everything is flowing -- going somewhere, animals and so- called lifeless
rocks as well as water. Thus the snow flows fast or slow in grand
beauty-making glaciers and avalanches; the air in majestic floods carrying
minerals, plant leaves, seeds, spores, with streams of music and fragrance;
water streams carrying rocks... While the stars go streaming through space
pulsed on and on forever like blood...in Nature's warm heart.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Everything is for sale; only the price is negotiable.
%%
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.
 -- Will Rogers, "The Illiterate Digest", 1924
%%
Everything is illusionary, but television is especially
illusionary
%%
Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
Everything is in a state of metamorphosis. Thou thyself art in everlasting
change and in corruption to correspond; so is the whole universe.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 19
%%
Everything is in a state of utter dishevelment.
 -- Wallace's Observation
%%
Everything is matter. Matter is electricity. Electricity is invisible,
intangible. Therefore it is nothing. Therefore everything is nothing.
%%
Everything is more complicated than it looks to most people.
 -- Frederick Lewis Allen
%%
Everything is nothing. Everything is all. All is one. One is inconceivable,
infinite. Therefore it is nothing. Therefore everything is nothing.
%%
Everything is soothed by oil, and this is the reason why divers send
out small quantities of it from their mouths, because it smooths every
part which is rough.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book ii, Sect. 234
%%
Everything is true - Everything is permissible!            -><-
 -- Hassan i Sabbah
%%
Everything is under construction.
 -- MA Driving #2
%%
Everything is under control,
 but what is that good for?
%%
Everything is within walking distance, if you have enough time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being
that a belch is more satisfying.
 -- Ingmar Bergman
%%
Everything is worth what its purchaser will pay for it.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 847
%%
Everything may happen. [Omnia fieri possunt.]
 -- Seneca, Epistulae ad Lucilium, Epis. LXX, 9
%%
Everything needs a little oil now and then.
%%
EVERYTHING NOT FORBIDDEN IS COMPULSORY.
%%
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
 -- Simon's Law
%%
Everything, saith Epictetus, hath two handles,--the one to be held
by, the other not.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 3
%%
Everything's coming up roses.
%%
Everything secret degenerates; nothing is safe that does not bear
discussion and publicity.
 -- Lord Action (John E. E. Dalberg) (1834-1902), English Historian
 -- Quoted in Time, August 22, 1969
%%
Everything's fine...nothing's fine...life chugs on like a '74 Chevy Vega.
 -- Izzy Oritz
%%
Everything's going my way.
%%
Everything short of war, President Roosevelt promised the English by way of
 help in the dark days of the blitz; in the same way, American girls are
 liable to promise their beaux everything short of fornication.
%%
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
%%
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Everything should be transparent to the user.
%%
Everything starts as somebody's daydream.
 -- Larry Niven
%%
Everything takes longer than you think it will.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  2
%%
Everything takes more time and money.
 -- Anne DeCaprio
%%
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
 -- Jeffery F. Chamberlain
%%
Everything tastes so much better at a picnic--the ants, the sand,
 everything!
 -- Stan Hunt
%%
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
 -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
%%
Everything that can be said can be said clearly.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus
%%
Everything that can be said to be unique to man:
speech, text, art, music, etc.,
can be reduced to zeros and ones.
%%
Everything that can happen, does.
 -- Worf's Law
%%
Everything that exceeds the bounds of moderation has an unstable foundation.
 -- Seneca
%%
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an
understanding of ourselves.
 -- Carl Jung
%%
Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden.
%%
Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by
the individual who can work in freedom.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Everything the government touches turns to mold.
 -- Midas' Law
%%
Everything thought out to the nth degree.
Steeped in arcane ritual.
 -- BSD Unix, and the Vulcans
%%
Everything under the sun is in tune,
 but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.
%%
Everything was fine until they invented four-letter words:
          WORK
     HARD WORK
VERY HARD WORK
%%
Everything was fine until they invented women.
%%
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
%%
Everything you can imagine is real.
 -- Picasso
%%
Everything you do or say is public relations.
%%
Everything you know is wrong, but some of it is a useful approximation!
%%
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
%%
Everything you know is wrong.
 -- The Firesign Theater
%%
Everything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true except for
that rare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge.
 -- Erwin Knoll
%%
Everything you touch will turn to gold.
%%
Everything you've learned in school as obvious becomes less and less
obvious as you begin to study the universe.    For example, there are no
solids in the universe.  There's not even a suggestion of a solid.
There are no absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.  There are no
straight lines.
 -- R. Buckminster Fuller
%%
Every thought is a feat of association.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a
 man leaves off something he looks worse.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Every time history repeats itself the prices go up.
 -- Peter's Observation on History
%%
Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother--she looks like my
 father.
 -- Tony Randall
%%
Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it.
%%
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls ... In our house, we have
 Alka-Seltzer on tap. If you cook like I do, the best thing I can tell you
 is not to be sensitive. Here are some of the insults I've had to overlook:
 When Fang passes my gravy, he says, "One lump or two?" Once I sent a treat
 to the Boy Scouts and the leader awarded a merit badge to anyone who could
 eat it. When I entered a cake at the county fair, it was the only one
 awarded a black ribbon ... But now I can boil water--when I don't forget
 and use the colander.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
Every time I go to the board with these notes I write down something
 completely different.
%%
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
 -- Oscar Levant
%%
Every time I lose weight, It finds me again!
%%
Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
%%
Every time you hear a half decent rap song, some black guy starts talking
over top of it.
%%
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. 
%%
Every time you start something, you end something else. Just be sure that
 what you are doing is an improvement.
%%
"Every time you try to operate one of these weird black controls that are
 labeled in black on a black background, a little black light lights up
 black to let you know you've done it."
 -- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
%%
Every true man's apparel fits your thief.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Every tub must stand upon its bottom.
 -- Charles Macklin (1690-1797)
 -- The Man of the World, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Every way makes my gain.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Everywhere I go, I'm asked if I think the universities stifle writers.
My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a
bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
 -- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
%%
Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Everywhere is ... dykes and fairies, freaks and hairies
 ... I'd love to feed the world, but I don't know what to do.
 ... so I leave it up to you.
%%
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Everywhere there's lots of piggies
Leading piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives
To eat their bacon

%%
Every white will have its blacke,
And every sweet its soure.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Reliques of Ancient Poetry, Sir Cauline
%%
Every why hath a wherefore.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Comedy of Errors
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Every woman should marry, and no man.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
%%
Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
 -- Beckett
%%
Every worthwhile accomplishment big or little, has its stages of
drudgery and triumph; a beginning, a struggle, and a victory.
 -- Anonymous
%%
Every year a few research results pay the freight for all the rest.
 -- Robert A. Frosch, General Motors
%%
Every year at the Guild of Butlers' Christmas Party, _I'm_ the one
  who has to wear the red nose and the pointy hat for winning the
  'Who's got the Stupidest Master' competition.
 -- Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Every year, I get the same tax form in the mail, with my name label on it.
 Can someone tell me how I can cancel my subscription?
%%
Eve was framed.
%%
  Evictor Hugo:  French landlord and author, "Lease Miserables".
 -- Not-so-Famous People from History
%%
:evil: adj. As used by hackers, implies that some system, program,
   person, or institution is sufficiently maldesigned as to be not
   worth the bother of dealing with.  Unlike the adjectives in the
   {cretinous}/{losing}/{brain-damaged} series, `evil' does
   not imply incompetence or bad design, but rather a set of goals or
   design criteria fatally incompatible with the speaker's.  This
   usage is more an esthetic and engineering judgment than a moral one
   in the mainstream sense.  "We thought about adding a {Blue
   Glue} interface but decided it was too evil to deal with."
   "{TECO} is neat, but it can be pretty evil if you're prone to
   typos."  Often pronounced with the first syllable lengthened, as
   /eeee'vil/.  Compare {evil and rude}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:evil and rude: adj. Both {evil} and {rude}, but with the
   additional connotation that the rudeness was due to malice rather
   than incompetence.  Thus, for example: Microsoft's Windows NT is
   evil because it's a competent implementation of a bad design;
   it's rude because it's gratuitously incompatible with UNIX in
   places where compatibility would have been as easy and effective to
   do; but it's evil and rude because the incompatibilities are
   apparently there not to fix design bugs in UNIX but rather to lock
   hapless customers and developers into the Microsoft way.  Hackish
   evil and rude is close to the mainstream sense of
   `evil'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Evil communications corrupt good manners.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xv, 33
%%
Evil did I dwell; lewd I did live.
%%
Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth.
Or by misleading the innocent.
 -- Spock and McCoy, "And The Children Shall Lead", stardate 5029.5
%%
Evil habits soil a fine dress more than mud; good manners, by their
deeds, easily set off a lowly garb.
 -- Plautus
%%
Evil Mentalist   I think, therefore you aren't
%%
Evil thoughts intrude in an unemployed mind, as naturally as worms
are generated in a stagnant pool.
%%
Ev'n them who kept thy truth so pure of old,
When all our fathers worshipp'd stocks and stones.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- On the late Massacre in Piedmont
%%
Evolution in action [picture of Christian fish with legs]
%%
Evolution is a bankrupt speculative philosophy, not a scientific fact.
Only a spiritually bankrupt society could ever believe it. ... Only
atheists could accept this Satanic theory.
 -- Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, "The Pre-Adamic Creation and Evolution"
%%
Evolution...is--a change from an indefinite homogeneity, to a definite
coherent heterogeneity.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
Evolution is as much a fact as the earth turning on its axis and going around
the sun.  At one time this was called the Copernican theory; but, when
evidence for a theory becomes so overwhelming that no informed person
can doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact.  That all
present life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic
time, is as firmly established as Copernican cosmology.  Biologists differ
only with respect to theories about how the process operates.
 -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life",
 -- The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 128-131
%%
Evolution is RELIGIOUS because it can't be proven.
%%
Evolution is what it is.   The upper classes have always died out; it's one of
 the most charming things about them.
 -- Germaine Greer
%%
Evolution--life's a niche, and then you die.
%%
Evolution, revolution, birth control, sell your soul.
 Shooting rockets to the moon, kids growing up too soon.
 And the politicians say that more taxes will solve everything...
 ... ... and the band played on.
 -- Ball of Confusion
%%
Evolution sounds ok, but I'd rather keep my options open.
%%
EWD     Execute Warp Drive
%%
Ewelme (n,vb.)
 The smile bestowed on you by an air hostess.
%%
"Exactly how obscene an amount of money were we talking about?
Profane?  Or really offensive?"
 -- Pretty Woman
%%
Exactly what Adam and Eve were ashamed of is never clearly explained,
 anywhere. And why did they cover their loins? Why not their noses or elbows
 or big toes? And what does God wear--a Pierre Cardin suit? (And why fig
 leaves? Fig leaves were intended to cover up figs.) The mind boggles: If I
 accept the anti-nude morality, I must be ashamed of my own body. But where
 can I go without it? Personally, I think God is losing a lot in
 translation. I can't imagine him being ashamed of anybody's nude body. On
 the contrary, he must think it's pretty peculiar when he sees us killing
 other animals and wearing their skins.
 -- Allan Sherman
%%
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest
 fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.
 -- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
Examine the contents, not the bottle.
 -- The Talmud
%%
Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
 -- Arabian proverb
%%
:examining the entrails: n. The process of {grovel}ling through
   a {core dump} or hex image in an attempt to discover the bug that
   brought a program or system down.  The reference is to divination
   from the entrails of a sacrified animal.  Compare {runes},
   {incantation}, {black art}, {desk check}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Exam is a four-letter word for torture...
%%
Example is a living law, whose sway Men more than all the written laws obey.
 -- Sedley
%%
Example is better than following it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing.
 -- Albert Schweitzer, Swiss physician and theologian
%%
Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France,
 -- Letter i, On a Regicide Peace, Vol. v, p. 331
%%
Examples I could cite you more: But be contented with these four;
For when one's proofs are aptly chosen Four are as valid as four dozen.
 -- Prior
%%
Exams will always contain questions not discussed in class.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Exceeding fair she was not; and yet fair
In that she never studied to be fairer
Than Nature made her; beauty cost her nothing,
Her virtues were so rare.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- All Fools, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Exceedingly well read.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
EXCE   Execute Customer Engineer
%%
Excellence in any department can be attained only
by the labor of a lifetime;
it is not to be purchased at a lesser price.
%%
Excellence is an art won by training and habituation.  We do not act
rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those
because we have acted rightly.  We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence,
then, is not an act but a habit.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Excellence is never granted to man, but as the reward of labor. It
argues, indeed, no small strength of mind to persevere in the habits
of industry, without the pleasure of perceiving those advantages
which, like the hands of a clock, whilst they make hourly approaches
to their point, yet proceed so slowly as to escape observation.
 -- Sir Joshua Reynolds
%%
        Excellence is THE trend of the '80s.  Walk into any shopping
mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as
Garfield Gets Spayed, and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you
how to be excellent: In Search of Excellence, Finding Excellence,
Grasping Hold of Excellence, Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night
So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It, etc.
 -- Dave Barry, In Search of Excellence
%%
Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike office water cooler.
%%
Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
%%
Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul,
But I do love thee! and when I love thee not,
Chaos is come again.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Except by name, Jean Paul Friedrich Richter is little known out of
Germany. The only thing connected with him, we think, that has reached
this country is his saying,--imported by Madame de Stael, and thankfully
pocketed by most newspaper critics,--"Providence has given to the
French the empire of the land; to the English that of the sea; to
the Germans that of--the air!"
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Richter, Edinburgh Review, 1827
%%
Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man
manages his affairs as well as a tree does.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.
 -- Ellyn Mustard
%%
Except for our thoughts, there is nothing absolutely in our power.
 -- Descartes
%%
Except I be by Sylvia in the night,
There is no music in the nightingale.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
EXCEPTION, n.  A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other
things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc.  "The
exception proves the rule" is an expression constantly upon the lips
of the ignorant, who parrot it from one another with never a thought
of its absurdity.  In the Latin, "_Exceptio probat regulam_" means
that the exception _tests_ the rule, puts it to the proof, not
_confirms_ it.  The malefactor who drew the meaning from this
excellent dictum and substituted a contrary one of his own exerted an
evil power which appears to be immortal.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
%%
Exceptions prove the rule - and wreck the budget.
 -- Miller's Law
%%
Exceptions rule.
%%
Except wind stands as never it stood,
It is an ill wind turns none to good.
 -- Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580)
 -- A Description of the Properties of Wind
%%
EXCERPTS FROM LIFE'S LITTLE INSTRUCTION BOOK, VOLUMES I AND II 35.
Plant a tree on your birthday. 47. Don't waste time learning the "tricks
of the trade." Instead, learn the trade. 53. Vote. 68. Be brave. Even
if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. 100.
Read the Bill of Rights. 198. Feed a stranger's expired parking meter.
209. Observe the speed limit. 267. Lie on your back and look at the
stars. 271. When facing a difficult task, act as though it is impossible
to fail. If you're going after Moby Dick, take along the tartar sauce.
322. Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same
number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur,
Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson,
and Albert Einstein. 393. Learn how to operate a Macintosh computer.
513. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. 558. Never betray a confidence.
595. Be the first to fight for a just cause. 817. Share your knowledge.
It's a way to achieve immortality. 939. Never be ashamed of your patriotism.
 -- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
%%
Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
%%
Excessive official restraints on information are inevitably self
defeating and productive of headaches for the officials concerned.
 -- Edward Kennedy, AP correspondent
%%
 Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
EXCESS, n.  In morals, an indulgence that enforces by appropriate
penalties the law of moderation.

    Hail, high Excess -- especially in wine,
        To thee in worship do I bend the knee
        Who preach abstemiousness unto me --
    My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine.
    Precept on precept, aye, and line on line,
        Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree
        With reason as thy touch, exact and free,
    Upon my forehead and along my spine.
    At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup,
        With the hot grape I warm no more my wit;
        When on thy stool of penitence I sit
    I'm quite converted, for I can't get up.
    Ungrateful he who afterward would falter
    To make new sacrifices at thine altar!
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Excess of grief for the deceased is madness; for it is an injury
to the living, and the dead know it not.
 -- Xenophon
%%
Excess of wealth is cause of covetousness.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- The Jew of Malta, Act i
%%
Excess on occasion is exhilarating.  It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
:EXCH: /eks'ch*/ or /eksch/ vt. To exchange two things, each
   for the other; to swap places.  If you point to two people sitting
   down and say "Exch!", you are asking them to trade places.  EXCH,
   meaning EXCHange, was originally the name of a PDP-10 instruction
   that exchanged the contents of a register and a memory location.
   Many newer hackers are probably thinking instead of the
   {{PostScript}} exchange operator (which is usually written in
   lowercase).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Excited, Spock opens a box full of pointy ear tips.
%%
Excitement and danger await your induction to tracer duty!  As a tracer,
you must rid the computer networks of slimy, criminal data thieves.
They are tricky and the action gets tough, so watch out!  Utilizing all
your skills, you'll either get your man or you'll get burned!
 -- advertising for the computer game "Tracers"
%%
Exciting plays only occur when your are watching the scoreboard or buying food.
 -- Moser's Law of Sports
%%
:excl: /eks'kl/ n. Abbreviation for `exclamation point'.  See
   {bang}, {shriek}, {{ASCII}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Exclusive dedication to chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion
renders john stuporous.
[ all work and no play makes john a dull boy. ]
%%
Exclusive: Imported product
%%
EXCLUSIVE .................. We're the only ones who have the documentation
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
EXCOMMUNICATION, n.

    This "excommunication" is a word
    In speech ecclesiastical oft heard,
    And means the damning, with bell, book and candle,
    Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal --
    A rite permitting Satan to enslave him
    Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him.
                                                            Gat Huckle
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Excreto ergo sum.
%%
Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the
 survival of OFFSET PRINTING?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Excuse me, could I please just distract you for one brief second?
 -- Kryten, distracting the Inquisitor
                   in Red Dwarf 'Inquisitor'
%%
Excuse me, do you mind if I squish in here?
 -- Odo
%%
Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
%%
Excuse me please, Worker, I'll just be a nanosecond . . .

There!

Now, what did you want?
%%
Excuse me, Sir, said a surveyor to a person in the street,
 I am a surveyor and I wonder if you could please help me by
 holding this measuring tape for a second or two. In most
 cases the stranger would oblige. And the surveyor, who was
 Horace de Vere Cole, an arch-joker during the 1920s would go
 around the corner to ask another person to hold the other
 end of the tape. Cole would then retire to a nearby shop
 doorway and wait, with tears of laughter running down his
 cheeks, for the moment when his two victims realized that
 they had been hoaxed.
%%
Excuse me. This life isn't working. I want to exchange it.
Have you tried plugging it in?
%%
Excuse me, what did you say?  Oh, I thought you said "Whop".
%%
Excuse me... What does God need with a starship?
 -- Kirk, "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
Excuse me while I change into something more formidable
%%
Excuse me, while I kiss the sky...
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
Excuse me, Worker, I'll just be a nanosecond.
 -- a computer, from Firesign Theater's I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus
%%
Excuse my dust.
 -- Written on grave
%%
Excuses are like assholes: Everybody has one and they both stink.
 -- unknown
%%
:exec: /eg-zek'/ vt., n.  1. [UNIX: from `execute'] Synonym for
   {chain}, derives from the `exec(2)' call.  2. [from
   `executive'] obs. The command interpreter for an {OS} (see
   {shell}); term esp. used around mainframes, and prob.
   derived from UNIVAC's archaic EXEC 2 and EXEC 8 operating systems.
   3. At IBM and VM/CMS shops, the equivalent of a shell command file
   (among VM/CMS users).

   The mainstream `exec' as an abbreviation for (human) executive is
   *not* used.  To a hacker, an `exec' is a always a program,
   never a person.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Execute each act of your life as though it were your last, and in the end,
 you will be correct.
%%
Execute their airy purposes.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 430
%%
Executions
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 07
%%
Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
the work.
 -- John G. Pollard
%%
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
%%
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
So put your make-up on heavily today.
%%
Executives who do not produce successful results hold on to their jobs only
about five years. Those who produce effective results hang on about half a
decade.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXIX
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
:EXE: /eks'ee/ or /eek'see/ or /E-X-E/ n. An executable
   binary file.  Some operating systems (notably MS-DOS, VMS, and
   TWENEX) use the extension .EXE to mark such files.  This usage is
   also occasionally found among UNIX programmers even though UNIX
   executables don't have any required suffix.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
%%
Exercise extends your life ten years, but you spend 15 of them doing it.
%%
Exercise for your health....eat a balanced diet. Control your weight. Don't
 Smoke. Nothing to Excess. All Things in Moderation....and tomorrow you die,
 anyway!
%%
Exercise is bunk.
If you are healthy, you don't need it:
if you are sick, you shouldn't take it.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
:exercise, left as an: [from technical books] Used to complete a
   proof when one doesn't mind a {handwave}, or to avoid one
   entirely.  The complete phrase is: "The proof [or `the rest'] is
   left as an exercise for the reader."  This comment *has*
   occasionally been attached to unsolved research problems by authors
   possessed of either an evil sense of humor or a vast faith in the
   capabilities of their audiences.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Exercise on Wheels" by Cy Kling
%%
Exercise your First and Second Amendment Rights at the same time -
Shoot the book burners.
%%
Exhausting thought,
And hiving wisdom with each studious year.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 107
%%
Exhaustive Methylation: A marathon event in which the participants methylate
   until they drop from exhaustion.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you,
and just before you realize what's wrong with it.
%%
EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another
upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
EXI     Execute Invalid Operation
%%
Exigencies create the necessary ability to meet and conquer them.
 -- Wendell Phillips
%%
EXILE, n.  One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not
an ambassador.
    An English sea-captain being asked if he had read "The Exile of
Erin," replied:  "No, sir, but I should like to anchor on it."  Years
afterwards, when he had been hanged as a pirate after a career of
unparalleled atrocities, the following memorandum was found in the
ship's log that he had kept at the time of his reply:

    Aug. 3d, 1842.  Made a joke on the ex-Isle of Erin.  Coldly
    received.  War with the whole world!
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Exiles feed on hope.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Agamemnon, 1668
%%
"Existence is random.  It has no pattern save what we imagine after
staring at it for too long.
 -- Rorschach, "Watchmen"
%%
EXISTENCE, n.
    A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,
    Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:
    From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge
    Of our bedfellow Death, and cry:  "O fudge!"
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Existentialism has no future.
%%
(exiting a closet)
Cat: He won't find that one -- not until he changes his boots. (sees Lister,
     hides his face) Did you see him clearly? Did you get a good look at his
     face? Could you spot him in a parade?  I don't think so -- that could
     have been anybody!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Me^2'
%%
Exit, pursued by a bear.
 -- Stage direction in Shakespeare's _The_Winter's_Tale_
%%
EXO     Execute Ignorant Operator
%%
EXOP: Execute Operator
%%
Expansion means complexity and complexity,
decay; or to put it even more plainly-the more complex, the sooner dead.
 -- Parkinson's Third Law
%%
Expansion unit: The new room you have to build on to your
 home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
%%
Expatriate Solipsism:
 When arriving in a foreign travel destination one has hoped
was undiscovered, only to find many people just like oneself; the
peeved refusal to talk to said people because they have ruined one's
elitist travel fantasy.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
%%
Expect better treatment from those around you than you give them.  You deserve
to be disappointed.
%%
Expect everything, and anything seems nothing.
Expect nothing, and anything seems everything.
 -- Samuel Hazo
%%
Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.
 -- Arnold Glasow
%%
Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
%%
expedition: highly organized way to spend a great deal of money in a
relatively short period of time. the best are those in which your time and
someone else's money are involved.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Expenditures rise to meet income..
 -- Parkinson's Second Law.
%%
Expense Accounts, n.:
 Corporate food stamps.
%%
Experience - a comb life gives you after you loose your hair.
 -- Judith Stern
%%
Experience has proved that some people indeed know everything.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other.
 -- Poor Richard's Almanac
%%
Experience is a good school, but the fees are high.
 -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific
bills.
 -- Minna Antrim
%%
Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that shen you get the
experience, you're too damned old to do anything about it.
 -- Jimmy Connors
%%
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of
youth for those of age.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Experience is awareness of encompassing the totality of things.
%%
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
 -- Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab
%%
Experience is not what happens to you.
It is what you do with what happens to you.
 -- Aldous Huxley, in "Reader's Digest", 1956
%%
Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 -- Oliver's Law
%%
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you
 recognize a mistake when you make it again.
 -- F. P. Jones
%%
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
Oscar Wilde
%%
Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old
to get the job.
%%
Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the
 instruction afterwards.
%%
Experience is what allows us to repeat our mistakes, only with more finesse!
 -- Derwood Fincher
%%
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
%%
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
 -- Dan Stanford
%%
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
%%
Experience is what you got by not having it when you need it.
%%
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and
scarcely in that; for it is true, we may give advice, but we cannot
give conduct. Remember this: They that will not be counseled cannot
be helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you over the knuckles.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
Experience keeps a dear school, but it's a hell of a campaign tactic.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
EXPERIENCE, n.  The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an
undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

    To one who, journeying through night and fog,
    Is mired neck-deep in an unwholesome bog,
    Experience, like the rising of the dawn,
    Reveals the path that he should not have gone.
                                                        Joel Frad Bink
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when
the Government's purposes are beneficent. Men born to freedom are naturally
alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evilminded rulers. The greatest
dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal,
wellmeaning but without understanding.
 -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis, dissenting, Olmstead v. United States, 277
 -- U.S. 479 (1928)
%%
Experience teaches that men are often so much governed by what they
are accustomed to see and practice, that the simplest and most obvious
improvements, in the most ordinary occupations, are adopted with hesitation,
reluctance, and by slow gradations. Men would resist changes, so long
as even a bare support could be ensured by an adherence to ancient
courses, and perhaps even longer.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
 "Experimenting With Drugs" by Ike N. Fly
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Experiments are often tricky- There's no exception to this rule,
What CAN have made that rat a sticky, slimy, rather smelly puddle?
%%
Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
 -- Finagle's Fifth Rule
%%
Experiment with new ways to visit the toilet.  Whatever you're doing
now, it's not going to work.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Expert (ecks-purt) from the Greek; `X' meaning unknown, and `spurt',
meaning a drip under pressure.
%%
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields.  But experts
often think so.  The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are
to think so.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Expertise is gained by investigating why a system doesn't work.
%%
Expert, n.:
   Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
%%
Experts do not like surprises. It makes them look bad at the home office.
 -- Vic Gold
%%
Experts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the ability
of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical. (Examples:
Japanese on warplanes, Russians on the bomb, Iranians on refineries ... etc.)
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Explain is the simplest way in which you can serve eggs. This is no yoke.
 Doesn't it just crack you up? (Got these all out of my system at once!)
%%
Explanation separates us from astonishment, which is the only gateway
to the incomprehensible.
 -- Eugene Ionesco
%%
Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon. In many fields of
 medicine nowadays, a dose of dynamite can do a world of good.
%%
Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good
which happens whether you had anything to do with it or not).
%%
EX POST FACTO - Lost in the mail.
%%
EXPOSTULATION, n.  One of the many methods by which fools prefer to
lose their friends.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
exposure: result of answering the call of nature during a climb.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Express an opinion, but send advice by freight.
%%
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Express yourself through supreme bovinity.
%%
'exterminate...Exterminate...EXTERMINATE!!!'
 -- The household robot says
%%
:external memory: n. A memo pad or written notes.  "Hold on while
   I write that to external memory".  The analogy is with store or
   DRAM versus nonvolatile disk storage on computers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
External Storage:
Wastebasket.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
EXTINCTION, n.  The raw material out of which theology created the
future state.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
 EXTRA CREDIT:  Define the universe; give three examples.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
"Extra money" is what you have right before your car breaks down.
%%
Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary proof.  There are many examples of
outsiders who eventually overthrew entrenched scientific orthodoxies, but
they prevailed with irrefutable data.  More often, egregious findings that
contradict well-established research turn out to be artifacts.  I have
argued that accepting psychic powers, reincarnation, "cosmic conciousness,"
and the like, would entail fundamental revisions of the foundations of
neuroscience.  Before abandoning materialist theories of mind that have paid
handsome dividends, we should insist on better evidence for psi phenomena
than presently exists, especially when neurology and psychology themselves
offer more plausible alternatives.
 -- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Conciousness:
 -- Implications for Psi Phenomena",
 -- The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 163-171
%%
Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.
 -- Sir Noel Coward
%%
Extraordinary people use their wisdom to avoid the need for their skill.
%%
Extraordinary rains pretty generally fall after great battles.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caius Marius
%%
Extra pickles.   A warrior's condiment
 -- Worf
%%
Extravagance: Anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
Extreme avarice is always mistaken; there is no passion which is
oftener further away from its mark, nor upon which the present has
so much power to the prejudice of the future.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
%%
Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing.
 -- Spock, "The Cloud Minders," stardate 5818.4.
%%
Extreme good fortune does
 not change people, it only unmasks them.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Extreme good-naturedness borders on weakness of character.  Avoid it.
%%
Extreme remedies are very appropriate for extreme diseases.
 -- Hippocrates (460-359 BC)
 -- Aphorism i
%%
Extremes in nature equal ends produce;
In man they join to some mysterious use.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 205
%%
Extremes in Nature equal good produce;
Extremes in man concur to general use.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 161
%%
Extremes meet, as the whiting said with its tail in its mouth
 -- Thomas Hood
%%
Extremes meet.
 -- Louis-Sebastien Mercier
%%
Extremists think "communication" means agreeing with them.
%%
EXX     [A real inst. on the Zilog Z-80, Zilog is owned by EXXon]
%%
Exxon has an 800 Number you can call for information with regard to what
 the company is doing, 1-800-WE SPILL
%%
:eyeball search: n.,v. To look for something in a mass of code or data
   with one's own native optical sensors, as opposed to using some
   sort of pattern matching software like {grep} or any other
   automated search tool.  Also called a {vgrep}; compare
   {vdiff}, {desk check}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
EYE DROPS OFF SHELF
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Deuteronomy xix, 21
%%
Eye have a spelling checker, it came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure your please to no,
It's letter perfect in it's weigh, my checker tolled me sew!
%%
Eyeing little girls with bad intent, heh.
%%
Eye Nature's walks, shoot folly as it flies,
And catch the manners living as they rise;
Laugh where we must, be candid where we can,
But vindicate the ways of God to man.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 13
%%
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
". . . Eye of Newt, toe of frog . . ."
 -- believed to be the first recipe for an explosive mixture
 -- ...the forerunner of gunpowder
%%
Eyesburg Lettuce.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Eyes of unholy blue.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- By that Lake whose gloomy Shore
%%
Eyes with the same blue witchery as those of Psyche, which caught
love in his own wiles.
%%
Ez fer war, I call it murder,--
  There you hev it plain an' flat;
I don't want to go no furder
  Than my Testyment fer that.
     .     .     .     .     .
An' you 've gut to git up airly
  Ef you want to take in God.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. i
%%
Ez to my princerples, I glory
  In hevin' nothin' o' the sort.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. vii
%%
F-117...the sound of freedom.
%%
F-14 Tomcat: World's largest distributor of MiG parts!
%%
F1 [Panic]  F2 [Passout]  F3 [Smash keyboard]  F4 [Cry]
%%
Faber: Knowledge is good!
%%
Fable is more historical than fact, because fact tells us about one man
and fable tells us about a million men.
 -- G.K. Chesterton
%%
Faboo!, Would you like to see me make
 bubbles with my spit?"
 -- Wakko Warner
%%
Fabricius finds certain spots and clouds in the sun.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 3
%%
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that
there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
 -- Galbraith's Law
%%
Face it Bob, you threw up *on* All!
%%
Face it: food is fattening.
%%
FACE
  The mass of skin, teeth and other parts that form the front section
  of the head. Faces can be arranged in any number of combinations,
  for differing reactions, such as horror, nausea, and laughter.
  Facial hair can be allowed to grow, principally by men who:
      - want to look like folk-singers
      - make up for the lack of hair on the rest of their head
      - just can't be bothered shaving.
  The increasingly popular "goatee" beard still looks really silly to
  me, I'm afraid. The remainder of the face is generally made up of
  two eyes, a mouth, and a nose. Someone should tell the people who
  make Lego.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:face time: n. Time spent interacting with somebody face-to-face (as
   opposed to via electronic links).  "Oh, yeah, I spent some face
   time with him at the last Usenix."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fac meam diem. [Do my day.]
 -- Clintus Estvoodicus
%%
Fact: 3 out of 5 people aren't the other 2.
%%
Fact: 99.9+% of homosexuals were raised by heterosexual parents.
%%
FACT: A cat will blink when struck by a hammer.
%%
FACT: A liberal will blink when struck with a hammer.
%%
Facta, non verba. [facts, not words.]
%%
Fact: Fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate.
%%
Fact is solidified opinion.
%%
Fact: Most criminals were raised by heterosexual parents.
%%
Fact need not be multiplied beyond necessity.
%%
Factoid: Something similar to a fact.
%%
Factor analysts rotate their principal components.
%%
Factorials of Avogadro's number become intractable.
And what is this? Can you say ENTROPY?
%%
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math *look* exciting.
%%
Factorial:  truth vs. reality  (FACT-OR-REAL... get it?)
%%
Fact remains, it's still an artifact. :-<
%%
Facts and truth are often cousins, not brothers.
 -- Edward Bunker
%%
Facts are God's arguments, we should be careful never to misunderstand
or pervert them.
 -- Tyron Edwards
%%
Facts are not truths; they are not conclusions; they are not even
premises.  The
truth depends on, and is only arrived at by a legitimate dedcution from all the
facts which are truly material.
%%
Facts are obstinate things.
 -- Joseph Stalin
%%
Facts are stubborn little bastards, be careful with them.
%%
Facts are stubborn things.
 -- Alain Rene Le Sage (1668-1747)
 -- Gil Blas, Book x, Chap. i
%%
Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our
inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter
the state of facts and evidence
 -- John Adams
%%
Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable
 -- L.J. Pete
%%
Facts are stubborn things.
 -- Tobias Smollett (1721-1771)
 -- Translation of Gil Blas, Book x, Chap. 1
%%
Facts are stupid things.
 -- President Ronald Reagan
 -- (a blooper from his speech at the '88 GOP convention)
%%
Facts are stupid until brought into connection with some general law.
 -- Louis Agassiz
%%
Facts are to the mind the same thing as food to the body. On the due digestion
of facts depends the strength and wisdom of the one, just as vigor and health
depend on the other. The wisest in council, the ablest in debate, and the most
agreeable in the commerce of life, is that man who has assimilated to his
understanding the greatest number of facts.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
FACTS (Def.):  Things Which Tend To MODERATE Opinions.
%%
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Fact.  Stranger than any science fiction.
%%
Facts we eat.  Garbage we toss.
%%
Facts were never pleasing to him.  He acquired them with
reluctance and got rid of them with relief.  He was never on
terms with them until he had stood them on their heads.
 -- J.M. Barrie
%%
FACTS!    YOU WANT FACTS!?
%%
Fact: There are n+1 zucchinis in the universe.
%%
Faculty purchases of equipment and supplies always increase to match
the funds available, so these funds are never adequate.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Fade for advertisement playing the "ominous horns" - drink!
%%
Fad: In one era and out the other.
%%
FA: Failsafe Armed
%%
Fahfegnookie - Fun in the backseat of a Volkswagen!
%%
Fahrflungnoodle: mouthful of spaghetti after a sneeze.
%%
Fahrvergnkie: (n) Sex in a Volkswagen.
%%
Failed as a proof-reader for M & M's
%%
failed: error %d
%%
Failed the bright promise of your early day.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- Palestine
%%
Failing to get them to do it your way might mean they're stupid, but it also
 means you failed to get them to do it your way.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
Fail me again and you'll breakfast on burning coals!
%%
Failure is impossible.
 -- Susan B. Anthony
%%
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
%%
Failures are divided into two classes--those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
 -- John Charles Salak
%%
Failure teaches success.
%%
Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
%%
Failure to understand reality is not reality's fault.
 -- Bill Henneman
%%
Faint hearts never win in love nor sell life insurance.
%%
Faintly as tolls the evening chime,
Our voices keep tune and our oars keep time.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- A Canadian Boat-Song
%%
Fain would I, but I dare not; I dare, and yet I may not;
I may, although I care not, for pleasure when I play not.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- Fain Would I
%%
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
%%
Fair and softly goes far.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. ii
%%
Fair daffadills, we weep to see
  You haste away so soon:
As yet the early rising sun
  Has not attained his noon.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- To Daffadills
%%
Faire de la bonne cuisine demande un certain temps.  Si on vous fait attendre,
c'est pour mieux vous servir, et vous plaire.
[Good cooking takes time.  If you are made to wait, it is to serve you better,
 and to please you.]
 -- Menu of Restaurant Antoine, New Orleans
%%
Fairest of stars, last in the train of night,
If better thou belong not to the dawn.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 166
%%
Fair Greece! sad relic of departed worth!
Immortal, though no more! though fallen, great!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 73
%%
Fair is foul, and foul is fair.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Fair ladies, you drop manna in the way
Of starved people.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
Fair laughs the morn, and soft the zephyr blows;
  While proudly riding o'er the azure realm
In gallant trim the gilded vessel goes,
  Youth on the prow, and Pleasure at the helm;
Regardless of the sweeping whirlwind's sway,
That hush'd in grim repose expects his evening prey.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, II, 2, Line 9
%%
 (Fairly boring message:)  This is John.  I can't come to the
 phone right now, but if you leave a message at the tone, I'll
 return your call.  (Now, re-record the message every morning.
 Frequent callers will notice that something sounds different,
 but will be confused since the words are exactly the same.)
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
Fair tresses man's imperial race insnare,
And beauty draws us with a single hair.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto ii, Line 27
%%
Fair weather cometh out of the north.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxvii, 22
%%
Fair words never hurt the tongue.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Eastward Ho, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Fairy elves,
Whose midnight revels by a forest side
Or fountain some belated peasant sees,
Or dreams he sees, while overhead the moon
Sits arbitress.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 781
%%
FAIRY, n.  A creature, variously fashioned and endowed, that formerly
inhabited the meadows and forests.  It was nocturnal in its habits,
and somewhat addicted to dancing and the theft of children.  The
fairies are now believed by naturalist to be extinct, though a
clergyman of the Church of England saw three near Colchester as lately
as 1855, while passing through a park after dining with the lord of
the manor.  The sight greatly staggered him, and he was so affected
that his account of it was incoherent.  In the year 1807 a troop of
fairies visited a wood near Aix and carried off the daughter of a
peasant, who had been seen to enter it with a bundle of clothing.  The
son of a wealthy _bourgeois_ disappeared about the same time, but
afterward returned.  He had seen the abduction been in pursuit of the
fairies.  Justinian Gaux, a writer of the fourteenth century, avers
that so great is the fairies' power of transformation that he saw one
change itself into two opposing armies and fight a battle with great
slaughter, and that the next day, after it had resumed its original
shape and gone away, there were seven hundred bodies of the slain
which the villagers had to bury.  He does not say if any of the
wounded recovered.  In the time of Henry III, of England, a law was
made which prescribed the death penalty for "Kyllynge, wowndynge, or
mamynge" a fairy, and it was universally respected.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Fairy Tale, n.: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
%%
Fairy tales:
 horror stories for children to get them use to reality.
%%
Fait accompli...
%%
FAITH: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks,
without knowledge, of things without parallel.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Faith builds a bridge across the gulf of death, To break the shock blind
nature cannot shun, And lands thought smoothly on the further shore.
 -- Young
%%
Faith can be defined as any man's hope that the human spirit is capable
of understanding; that anything actually matters in the larger
universe; and that understanding anything could be important outside
of our own selfish whims and desire to survive. ...and somehow, because
it is important, understanding can go on without us, waiting only
to be rediscovered by the future, or at worst, pissed away, in spite
of all our prayers, and work, and suffering.

Every expression of the human spirit is an act of faith.
 -- Ellyn Mustard (mustard@ficc.ferranti.comm)
%%
Faith does not offer the least support for proof of truth.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvii, 6
%%
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
%%
Faith has need of the whole truth.
 -- Pierre Teilhard De Chardin
%%
Faith healers do it with whatever they can lay their hands on.
%%
Faith in a holy cause is to a considerable extent a substitute for
lost faith in ourselves.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
Faith in immortality, like belief in Satan, leaves unanswered the
ancient question: is God unable to prevent suffering and thus not
omnipotent? or is he able but not willing to prevent it and thus
not merciful? And is he just?
%%
Faith is an island in the setting sun
But proof, yes proof is the bottom line for everyone.
 -- Paul Simon
%%
Faith is believing in things that common sense tells you not to.
 -- G.Seaton
%%
"Faith is good, but skepticism is better"
 -- Giuseppe Verdi
%%
Faith is much better than belief.
Belief is when someone ELSE does the thinking.
 -- R. Buckminster Fuller
%%
Faith is never identical with piety.
 -- Karl Barth
%%
Faith is not genetic.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Faith is not reason's labor, but repose.
 -- Young
%%
Faith is one of those words that connotes, however irrationally,
some kind of virtue in itself.
 -- Louis J. Halle
%%
Faith is the antiseptic of the soul.
 -- Walt Whitman, "Leaves of Grass", preface
%%
Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam
 on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
%%
Faith is the soul going out of itself for all its wants.
 -- Boston
%%
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
 -- Hebrews 9:1
%%
Faith lights us through the dark to Deity.
 -- Davenant
%%
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the
occurrence of the improbable.
 -- H. L. Mencken, "Prejudices", Series iii
%%
Faith means belief in something concerning which doubt is theoretically
possible.
 -- William James
%%
Faith means intense, usually confident, belief that is not based
on evidence sufficient to command assent from every reasonable person.
 -- Walter Kaufmann
%%
Faith:  not wanting to know what is true.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Faith, n: That quality which enables us to believe what we know
to be untrue.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Faith:  Permitting ourselves to be seized by things we don't see.
%%
Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Faith will move mountains.
%%
Fajo: "What I've done was evil, selfish, immoral, unprincipled, illegal...well,
  I've learned to live with it."
 -- "The Most Toys", Stardate unknown
%%
Fake it till you make it.
%%
Fakir, n:
     A psychologist whose charismatic data have inspired almost
religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources seem to
have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
%%
Fallacy of Women's Movement: work means power or self-fulfillment.
%%
Fallen, fallen, fallen, fallen,
Fallen from his high estate,
  And welt'ring in his blood;
Deserted, at his utmost need,
By those his former bounty fed,
On the bare earth expos'd he lies,
With not a friend to close his eyes.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 77
%%
Fallen Underwear: Lucy Lastic
%%
fall: good time of year for climbing.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Falling asleep at the keyboard is called a head crash.
%%
falling barometer: barometer that has slipped out of a pocket when climbing.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Falling from the roof of a building won't kill you.  Landing will.
%%
Falling in love makes smoking pot all day look like the ultimate in restraint.
 -- Dave Sim, author of Cerebrus.
%%
Falling lenses are attracted to rocks
%%
Falling Off a Cliff: Ilene Toofar
%%
Falling Trees: Tim Burr
%%
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and
fall from the trees.
 -- David Letterman
%%
Fall on me like a silent dew,
  Or like those maiden showers
Which, by the peep of day, do strew
  A baptism o'er the flowers.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- To Music, to becalm his Fever
%%
Fallopian tube - part of a television.
%%
Fallout Shelter
 -- Oxymoron
%%
:fall over: [IBM] vi. Yet another synonym for {crash} or {lose}.
   `Fall over hard' equates to {crash and burn}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Falls don't kill people. It's the deceleration trauma.
%%
FALL
  To drop in altitude rapidly. Audible responses to sudden falling
  should be made as follows:
     IN THE FIELD OF      RESPONSE
     -----------------    ----------------------------------------
     Mountain climbing    Oh shit, I'm going to die
     Aeronautics          Oh shit, we're all going to die
     Stockmarket          Oh shit, we're all going to have heavily
                              reduced equity
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
False accusation of rape creates economic rape.
%%
False appearance of fine speech.
%%
False as dicers' oaths.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
False eyelashes
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
False is the idea of utility... that would take fire from men because it
burns, and water because one may drown in it; that has no remedy for evils,
except the destruction of liberty.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, 1775
%%
Falsely luxurious, will not man awake?
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 67
%%
False modesty is better than none.
 -- Vilhjalmur Stefansson
%%
Falstaff sweats to death,
And lards the lean earth as he walks along.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Falstaff. What wind blew you hither, Pistol?
Pistol. Not the ill wind which blows no man to good.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment.
%%
FAMED PSYCHIC'S HEAD EXPLODES
%%
Fame-induced Apathy:
 The attitude that no activity is worth pursuing unless one can
become very famous pursuing it. Fame-induced Apathy mimics laziness,
but its roots are much deeper.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Fame is no plant that grows on mortal soil.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 78
%%
Fame is the spur that the clear spirit doth raise
(That last infirmity of noble mind)
To scorn delights, and live laborious days;
But the fair guerdon when we hope to find,
And think to burst out into sudden blaze,
Comes the blind Fury with th' abhorred shears
And slits the thin-spun life.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 70
%%
Fame may be compared to a scold: the best way to silence her is to let her
alone, and she will at last be out of breath in blowing her own trumpet.
 -- Fuller
%%
Fame then was cheap, and the first comer sped;
And they have kept it since by being dead.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Conquest of Granada, Epilogue
%%
Familiarity breeds attempt.
%%
Familiarity breeds contempt--and children.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Familiarity breeds contempt.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 640
%%
"Familiarity breeds distraction."
"I thought it was 'contempt'."
"That's next"
 -- The Bible Study
%%
Familiarity is the opiate of the imagination.
%%
familiarity * lots = warm-fuzzies;
warm-fuzzies + magic = fall in love.
 -- Stewart Tansley  (Nov 17, 1992)
%%
Familiar things happen, and mankind does not bother about them.  It
requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead, 'Science and the Modern World' 1925
%%
Families, when a child is born
Want it to be intelligent.
I, through intelligence,
Having wrecked my whole life,
Only hope the baby will prove
Ignorant and stupid.
Then he will crown a tranquil life
By becoming a Cabinet Minister
 -- Su Tung-p'o
%%
Family Food:  We surveyed 100 people who ordered pizza and asked them...
%%
FAMILY HAUNTED BY GHOST OF CHRISTMAS TURKEY
%%
Family is something which goes back to the nucleus of civilization.
And the very beginnings of civilization, the very beginnings of this
country, goes back to the family.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Family values: My family is good, your family sucks.
%%
Famine is in thy cheeks.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Famous actress bragging about her husband:
Look at him, isn't he beautiful I have kept him for seven years now

Dorothy Parker:
Don't Worry--he'll come back in style
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
FAMOUS, adj.  Conspicuously miserable.

    Done to a turn on the iron, behold
        Him who to be famous aspired.
    Content?  Well, his grill has a plating of gold,
        And his twistings are greatly admired.
                                                       Hassan Brubuddy
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Famous clowns -- Bozo, Clarabell, Ronald McDonald, Homey and Clinton.
%%
Famous Japanese hi-scoring hockey player: Heeshutsee.
%%
Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
 -- Simeon Strunsky
%%
Fanaticism consists in redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Fanatics have their dreams, wherewith they weave a paradise for a sect."
 -- Keats
%%
Fan Club: A group of people who tell an actor he's not alone in the way he
 feels about himself.
 -- Jack Carson
%%
Fancy gizmos don't work.
 -- SECOND LAW OF GARDENING
%%
:fandango on core: [UNIX/C hackers, from the Mexican dance] n.
   In C, a wild pointer that runs out of bounds, causing a {core
   dump}, or corrupts the `malloc(3)' {arena} in such a way as
   to cause mysterious failures later on, is sometimes said to have
   `done a fandango on core'.  On low-end personal machines without an
   MMU, this can corrupt the OS itself, causing massive lossage.
   Other frenetic dances such as the rhumba, cha-cha, or watusi, may
   be substituted.  See {aliasing bug}, {precedence lossage},
   {smash the stack}, {memory leak}, {memory smash},
   {overrun screw}, {core}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fandom--drugs would be cheaper.
%%
Fandom isn't a matter of life and death--it's much more
important than that.
%%
Fandom is the world's most sophisticated and advanced
system for just hanging around.
%%
Fandom--not your ordinary elite.
%%
Fan makers are the best blowers in the business.
%%
:fan: n.  Without qualification, indicates a fan of science
   fiction, especially one who goes to {con}s and tends to hang out
   with other fans.  Many hackers are fans, so this term has been
   imported from fannish slang; however, unlike much fannish slang it
   is recognized by most non-fannish hackers.  Among SF fans the
   plural is correctly `fen', but this usage is not automatic to
   hackers.  "Laura reads the stuff occasionally but isn't really a
   fan."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fantasies are Reality Turned Sideways!
%%
Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters;
 united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels
 -- Goya
%%
Fantasy: A government that doesn't have it's hand on your wallet.
%%
Fantasy Alert!!   Janet is Daydreaming again!
%%
Fantasy is a crutch for people who can't handle soap operas.
%%
Fantasy isn't our crutch--it's arcane.
%%
Fantasy Roleplayers do it all night.
%%
Fantasy roleplayers do it all weekend.
%%
Fantasy roleplayers do it in a dungeon.
%%
Fantasy roleplayers do it in a group.
%%
:FAQ: /F-A-Q/ or /fak/ [USENET] n. 1. A Frequently Asked Question.
   2. A compendium of accumulated lore, posted periodically to
   high-volume newsgroups in an attempt to forestall such questions.
   Some people prefer the term `FAQ list' or `FAQL' /fa'kl/,
   reserving `FAQ' for sense 1.

   This lexicon itself serves as a good example of a collection of one
   kind of lore, although it is far too big for a regular FAQ
   posting.  Examples: "What is the proper type of NULL?"  and
   "What's that funny name for the `#' character?" are both
   Frequently Asked Questions.  Several FAQs refer readers to
   this file.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:FAQ list: /F-A-Q list/ or /fak list/ [USENET] n. Syn {FAQ},
   sense 2.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:faradize: /far'*-di:z/ [US Geological Survey] v. To start any
   hyper-addictive process or trend, or to continue adding current to
   such a trend.  Telling one user about a new octo-tetris game you
   compiled would be a faradizing act --- in two weeks you might find
   your entire department playing the faradic game.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work
hard at work worth doing.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Far away, across the fields, the tolling of the iron bell
draws the faithful to their knees, with its softly spoken magic spell
 -- Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon
%%
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not
reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them,
and follow where they lead.
 -- Louisa May Alcott
%%
Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the
former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free.
Mighty starships plied their way between exotic suns, seeking adventure and
reward among the furthest reaches of Galactic space.  In those days, spirits
were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women
and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures
from Alpha Centauri.  And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty
deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before -- and thus
was the Empire forged.
 -- Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_
%%
Far be it from us, the danger of thinking.
 -- Ferdinand VII
%%
Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though
 checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither
 enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows
 not victory or defeat.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Far beyond all other pleasures, rarer than jewels or treasures,
   sweeter than grape from the vine.
 Yes! Yes! Greatest of pleasures!
 Coffee, coffee, how I love its flavor,
   and if you would win my favor,
   yes! yes! let me have coffee, let me have my coffee strong!
 -- Johan Sebastian Bach, Coffee Cantata
%%
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%%
Fare thee well! and if forever,
  Still forever fare thee well.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Fare thee well
%%
Farewell! a long farewell, to all my greatness!
This is the state of man: to-day he puts forth
The tender leaves of hopes; to-morrow blossoms,
And bears his blushing honours thick upon him;
The third day comes a frost, a killing frost,
And when he thinks, good easy man, full surely
His greatness is a-ripening, nips his root,
And then he falls, as I do. I have ventured,
Like little wanton boys that swim on bladders,
This many summers in a sea of glory,
But far beyond my depth: my high-blown pride
At length broke under me and now has left me,
Weary and old with service, to the mercy
Of a rude stream, that must forever hide me.
Vain pomp and glory of this world, I hate ye:
I feel my heart new opened. O, how wretched
Is that poor man that hangs on princes' favours!
There is betwixt that smile we would aspire to,
That sweet aspect of princes, and their ruin,
More pangs and fears than wars or women have:
And when he falls, he falls like Lucifer,
Never to hope again.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Farewell a long farewell, to all my greatness! This is the state
of man. Today he puts forth The tender leaves of hope; tomorrow blossoms,
And bears his blushing honors thick upon him; The third day comes
a frost, a killing frost.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Farewell! a word that must be, and hath been,--
A sound which makes us linger; yet--farewell!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 186
%%
Farewell, farewell to thee, Araby's daughter!
Thus warbled a Peri beneath the dark sea.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Fire-Worshippers
%%
Farewell!
For in that word, that fatal word,--howe'er
We promise, hope, believe,--there breathes despair.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto i, Stanza 15
%%
Farewell happy fields,
Where joy forever dwells: hail, horrors!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 249
%%
Farewell! if ever fondest prayer
  For other's weal avail'd on high,
Mine will not all be lost in air,
  But waft thy name beyond the sky.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Farewell! if ever fondest Prayer
%%
Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lxxxvii
%%
Farfignewton: A long way 'til the next cookie.
%%
Farfignewton: Cookie Flatulence
%%
Farfignewton: n., from German, "ergonomic cookie".
%%
Farfignewton.. the cookie of the stars..
%%
Farfignewton = the cookies are out of reach.
%%
Far from all resort of mirth
Save the cricket on the hearth.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 81
%%
Farfromflopin (n): German for "bra".
%%
Far from gay cities and the ways of men.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiv, Line 410
%%
FARFROMKRAPPIN...German for Constipated !
%%
Far from mortal cares retreating,
  Sordid hopes and vain desires,
Here, our willing footsteps meeting,
  Every heart to heaven aspires.
 -- Jane Taylor (1783-1824)
 -- Hymn
%%
Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife
  Their sober wishes never learn'd to stray;
Along the cool sequester'd vale of life
  They kept the noiseless tenor of their way.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 19
%%
Farfromthinkin: Clinton with his mouth open.
%%
:farkled: /far'kld/ [DeVry Institute of Technology, Atlanta] adj.
   Syn. {hosed}.  Poss. owes something to Yiddish `farblondjet'
   and/or the `Farkle Family' skits on Saturday Nite Live.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Farmer: n. A man who is outstanding in his field.
%%
FARMERS do it all over the countryside
%%
Farmers do it in the dirt.
%%
Farmers do it on a corn field.
%%
Farmers grow magnets in magnetic fields ...
%%
FARMERS plant it deep.
%%
Farmers spread it around.
%%
Farmer who cannot keep his hands off his wife ------> better fire them
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Farmhands Feel Better.
%%
:farming: [Adelaide University, Australia] n. What the heads of a
   disk drive are said to do when they plow little furrows in the
   magnetic media.  Associated with a {crash}.  Typically used as
   follows: "Oh no, the machine has just crashed; I hope the hard
   drive hasn't gone {farming} again."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Far off his coming shone.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vi, Line 768
%%
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life
forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
are a pretty neat idea ...
 -- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Farrancassidy (n.)
 A long and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to undo someone's bra.
%%
FARTBOROUGH, LORD (1783-1827)
  English statesman. He lived all his life at Fartborough Hall, in
  Essex. Fartborough is best remembered for his resounding posterior
  evacuations, from which the most obvious word is coined. Their
  resonation with the brickwork of Fartborough Hall eventually caused
  its collapse, burying Lord Fartborough at last with his revolting
  odour.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers
%%
Far too often today, it appears, the Great American Dream is interrupted by
 the Japanese alarm clock.
%%
F.A.R.T.S.:  Fast Acting Relief of Tummy Stress.
%%
Fascinate: There were nine buttons on her nightgown, but she could only
 fascinate.
 -- Homer Haynes
%%
Fascinating, a totally parochial attitude.
 -- Spock, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3219.8.
%%
Fascinating, Captain!
 -- Spock.
%%
Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected.
 -- Spock, "The Squire of Gothos," stardate 2124.5.
%%
Fascinating, said Spock, watching Kirk's lousy acting.
%%
Fascinating.    Spock figures out the Energizer Bunny.
%%
:fascist: adj. 1. Said of a computer system with excessive or
   annoying security barriers, usage limits, or access policies.  The
   implication is that said policies are preventing hackers from
   getting interesting work done.  The variant `fascistic' seems to
   have been preferred at MIT, poss. by analogy with `touristic'
   (see {tourist}).  2. In the design of languages and other
   software tools, `the fascist alternative' is the most restrictive
   and structured way of capturing a particular function; the
   implication is that this may be desirable in order to simplify the
   implementation or provide tighter error checking.  Compare
   {bondage-and-discipline language}, although that term is global
   rather than local.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN.
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages
I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
 -- Useful phrases to know when traveling in moslem areas
%%
Fashion a dream and make it come true.
%%
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
 every six months.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.
%%
Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
Fashion, n.  A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Fashions are induced epidemics.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Fast-anchor'd isle.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Line 151
%%
FAST, and not WORRYing over which roadKILL I could have used for FOOD.
%%
Fast, Cheap, Good: Choose any two.
 -- Rule for a lot of things
%%
Fasten him as a nail in a sure place.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxii, 23
%%
Fasten your seat belt.
%%
Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money!
%%
Faster, Cheaper, More Efficient - Modems or Wives
%%
Faster, faster, foolish modem! (crack).
%%
Faster, faster, till the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death.
 -- H.S. Thompson
%%
Faster than a speeding bullet; more powerful than a locomotive;
 able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!   Look, up in the sky!
 It's a bird!  It's a plane!  It's ........ SUPERMAN!
%%
Faster than a speeding bullet.   More powerful than a locomotive.  Able to leap
 tall buildings in a single bound.

'Look!   Up in the sky!'
'It's a bird!'
'It's a plane!'
'No, it's Superman!'

Yes, it's Superman, strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth
 with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

 Superman, who can change the course of mighty rivers; bend steel in his bare
 hands; and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great
 metropolitan newspaper, fights a never ending battle for Truth, Justice, and
 The American Way!
%%
Faster than a speeding puck, stronger than the other goalie, it's ROY!
%%
Faster than a speeding Spermatozoon!!
%%
Faster than a speeding ticket!
%%
Fastest Gun In The West: Everett DeReady
%%
Fast-food restuaraunt: Economy gastronomy.
%%
Fast, Frozen, Instant and Chocolate.
 -- The four food groups
%%
Fast, Frozen, Instant and Microwave.
 -- The four good groups
%%
FastLst US Support/Distribution/Registration Site
%%
Fast personal decisions are likely to be wrong.
%%
Fast ship?  You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
%%
Fatal Database Error #10070: Programmer late for work!
%%
Fatal Database Error #10070: <Sysop< late for work
%%
Fatal Error 999: Dyslexic computer possessed by devil.
%%
Fatal error at 2dh^^Abort, Retry, Ignore, Curse me out?
%%
:$FATAL ERROR BTB IN GARBAGE COLLECTOR$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR -- ERROR IN COMPILED CODE$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR -- ILLEGAL ERROR$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR ILLEGAL UUO$
%%
Fatal Error in C:\CLINTON.LIE. Cannot recover COUNTRY.USA
%%
Fatal error in LIFE.SYS: Deleting SYSOP
%%
Fatal Error in MOUSE.SYS: (U)se keyboard (B)ury (G)ive to cat
%%
FATAL ERROR:  Size of thought exceeds available memory.
%%
Fatal error stealing tagline! Call Technique Computers
%%
Fatal error: SysOp out of environment space.
%%
Fatal Error: User Executed
%%
Fatal Error Using Mouse. Please Replace and Bury Operator.
%%
:$FATAL ERROR VECTOR OUT OF HILBERT SPACE$
%%
:$FATAL ERROR YOU ARE OUT OF VECTOR SPACE$
%%
FATAL LOGIC ERROR - Engage Brain and (R)etry
%%
Fatal mouse error. (B)ury or (R)eplace?
%%
FATAL! Portable code found
 -- C Error #009
%%
Fatal stupidity with firearms is Darwinism at work.
%%
Fatal System Error: (A)bort (R)etry (G)et OS/2
%%
Fatal System Error - please insert a quarter to fix it.
%%
Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round.
%%
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.
%%
Fat, drunk, and stupid is the only way to go through life.
%%
Fate is a river; free will is a paddle.
%%
Fate is just the weight of circumstances...
%%
:fat electrons: n. Old-time hacker David Cargill's theory on the
   causation of computer glitches.  Your typical electric utility
   draws its line current out of the big generators with a pair of
   coil taps located near the top of the dynamo.  When the normal tap
   brushes get dirty, they take them off line to clean them up, and use
   special auxiliary taps on the *bottom* of the coil.  Now,
   this is a problem, because when they do that they get not ordinary
   or `thin' electrons, but the fat'n'sloppy electrons that are
   heavier and so settle to the bottom of the generator.  These flow
   down ordinary wires just fine, but when they have to turn a sharp
   corner (as in an integrated-circuit via), they're apt to get stuck.
   This is what causes computer glitches.  [Fascinating.  Obviously,
   fat electrons must gain mass by {bogon} absorption --- ESR]
   Compare {bogon}, {magic smoke}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fate - Protects fools, little children and ships named "Enterprise."
 -- Riker "Contagion," stardate 42609.1.
%%
Fate sits on these dark battlements and frowns,
And as the portal opens to receive me,
A voice in hollow murmurs through the courts
Tells of a nameless deed.
 -- Ann Radcliffe (1764-1823)
%%
Fate steals along with silent tread, Found oftenest in what least
we dread; Frowns in the storm with angry brow, But in the sunshine
strikes the blow.
 -- Cowper
%%
Fate tried to conceal him by naming him Smith.
%%
Fat free:  no extra charge for the fat.
%%
Fat heads, lean brains.
%%
FATHER:    Did you kill all those guards?
LAUNCELOT: Yes ...  I'm very sorry ...
FATHER:    They cost fifty pounds each!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Father, forgive me... I've been caught using Windows...
%%
Fatherhood is natures way of providing every teenager with a banker.
%%
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
FATHER:       Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and
              get him.
FIRST GUARD:  Not ... to leave the room ... even if you come and get him.
FATHER:       No.  Until I come and get him.
SECOND GUARD: Hic.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
"Father, Mother, and Me,
Sister and Auntie say
All the people like us are We,
And every one else is They."
 -- Rudyard Kipling, "We and They"
%%
Father of all! in every age,
  In every clime adored,
By saint, by savage, and by sage,
  Jehovah, Jove, or Lord.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Universal Prayer, Stanza 1
%%
FATHER: One day, lad, all this will be yours ...
PRINCE: What - the curtains?
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Fathers alone a father's heart can know What secret tides of still
enjoyment flow When brothers love, but if their hate succeeds, They
wage the war, but 'tis the father bleeds.
 -- Edward Young
%%
Fathers and teachers, I ponder: what is Hell?
I maintain that it is the suffering of being no longer able to love.
%%
FATHERS ARE IMPORTANT PARENTS, TOO!
%%
Fathers are NOT visitors -- visitation is for prisoners.
%%
Father says I would learn a great deal from someone as old as you.
 -- Lal to Guinan, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
"Father's Day is like Mother's Day, except the gift is cheaper."
 -- Gerald F. Lieberman
%%
Father was coming up the stairs with five gallons of elderberry wine, and
 he slipped and fell clear down into the basement. Fortunately, he didn't
 spill a drop--he kept his mouth closed.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
FATHER: We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the
        joyful bond of the holy wedlock.  Unfortunately, one of them, my son
        Herbert, has just fallen to his death.
   [Murmurs from CROWD;  the BRIDE smiles with relief, coughs.]
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
FATHER:    Who are you?
PRINCE:    I'm ... your son ...
FATHER:    Not you.
LAUNCELOT: I'm ... er ... Sir Launcelot, sir.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
FATHER:    You killed eight wedding guests in all!
LAUNCELOT: Er, Well ... the thing is ... I thought your son was a lady.
FATHER:    I can understand that.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
FATHER:    You only killed the bride's father - that's all -
LAUNCELOT: Oh dear, I didn't really mean to...
FATHER:    Didn't mean to?  You put your sword right through his head!
LAUNCELOT: Gosh - Is he all right?
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Fat Lady In The Sideshow: Ellie Funt
%%
Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever
%%
FAT
  Research has now shown that Fat is actually an alien life-form
  that travels the galaxy, looking for other beings to attach itself
  to. Fat beings first arrived on Earth in the late 1960s, attracted
  by signals sent into space by the Graceland Observatory in the US.
  Fat beings are now found in most areas of the world, but mostly
  attached to Maggie Tabberrer. There are theories that the
  dispersion of Fat beings from one's body may be achieved by
  performing diet and exercise rituals, but this is pure speculation.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Fats Domino: the round of music
%%
Fats Loves Madelyn
%%
FAT TABLE CORRUPT.  Please lose weight.
%%
Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.
%%
Faultily faultless, icily regular, splendidly null.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Maud, Part i, Sect. ii
%%
:faulty: adj. Non-functional; buggy.  Same denotation as
   {bletcherous}, {losing}, q.v., but the connotation is much
   milder.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fauns are never Satyr-sfied!
%%
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxxi, 30
%%
Fax and ye shall receive.
%%
Fax me no questions, I'll Fax you no lies!
%%
Fax printouts: The faxed version will be a piece of paper, and animations,
sounds and similar features will not move or be audible on the piece
of paper.
 -- Sony Electronics
 -- From the Sony PIC-1000 User's Guide, page 19
%%
FAX us money and we'll FAX you the disk.
%%
FAY: Fetch Amulet of Yendor
%%
FB: Find Bugs
%%
FBI: Federal Baby Incinerators.
%%
FBI: Free Beer Inside.
%%
FCE: Fill Core with Epoxy
%%
FC: Fry Console
%%
FCJ: Feed Cards and Jam
%%
fd%d: drive not ready
%%
FDDI users do it with counter rotating rings
%%
FD: Failsafe Disarmed
%%
FD: Forget Data
%%
FDISK in not an computer-orientated swear word.
%%
:fd leak: /F-D leek/ n. A kind of programming bug analogous to a
   {core leak}, in which a program fails to close file descriptors
   (`fd's) after file operations are completed, and thus eventually
   runs out of them.  See {leak}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FDR: Feed Disk Randomly
%%
FDR: Fill Disk Randomly
%%
Fear always springs from ignorance.
%%
:fear and loathing: [from Hunter S. Thompson] n. A state inspired by the
   prospect of dealing with certain real-world systems and standards
   that are totally {brain-damaged} but ubiquitous --- Intel 8086s,
   or {COBOL}, or {{EBCDIC}}, or any {IBM} machine except the
   Rios (a.k.a. the RS/6000).  "Ack!  They want PCs to be able to
   talk to the AI machine.  Fear and loathing time!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion.  For instance, let's say you're
an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned
into Dracula.  The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!,
you just slam the door behind him and blast off.  He might call you
on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again,
bat man."
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Fear death?--to feel the fog in my throat,
The mist in my face.
     .     .     .     .     .     .     .
No! let me taste the whole of it, fare like my peers,
The heroes of old;
Bear the brunt, in a minute pay glad life's arrears
Of pain, darkness, and cold.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Prospice
%%
Feare may force a man to cast beyond the moone.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.
%%
Fearful concatenation of circumstances.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Argument on the Murder of Captain White, April 6, 1830, Vol. vi, p. 88
%%
Fear God. Honour the king.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Peter ii, 17
%%
Fear is not in the habit of speaking truth.  When perfect sincerity is
expected, perfect freedom must be allowed;  nor has anyone who is apt
to be angry when he hears the truth, any cause to wonder that he
does not hear it.
 -- Tacitus
%%
Fear is only another form of awareness
 -- Charlie Manson
%%
Fear is sharp-sighted, and can see things under ground, and much more
in the skies.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vi
%%
Fear is the darkroom where negatives develop.
%%
Fear is the lock and laughter the key to your heart.
 -- Steven Stills
%%
Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of
cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom, in the pursuit of
truth as in the endeavour after a worthy manner of life.
 -- Bertrand Russell, "An Outline of Intellectual Rubbish"
%%
Fear is the parent of cruelty.
 -- James Anthony Froude (1818-1894)
%%
Fear is the tax that the conscience pays to guilt.
 -- Sewell
%%
Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more;
hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.
 -- Swedish proverb
%%
Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd -- smiling...
%%
Fear no art.
%%
Fear not, but trust in Providence,
  Wherever thou may'st be.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- The Pilot
%%
Fear not death; for the sooner we die, the longer we shall be immortal.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Fear not, for I have given you authority to do so.
%%
Fear not, I'm right behind you - using you as a shield.
%%
"FEAR OF AIDS CUTS DOWN ON VAMPIRE ATTACKS!"
 -- National Enquirer
%%
Fear of God before their eyes.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans ii, 18
%%
Fear to do ill, and you need fear nought else.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
FEAST, n.  A festival.  A religious celebration usually signalized by
gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person
distinguished for abstemiousness.  In the Roman Catholic Church
feasts are "movable" and "immovable," but the celebrants are uniformly
immovable until they are full.  In their earliest development these
entertainments took the form of feasts for the dead; such were held by
the Greeks, under the name _Nemeseia_, by the Aztecs and Peruvians,
as in modern times they are popular with the Chinese; though it is
believed that the ancient dead, like the modern, were light eaters.
Among the many feasts of the Romans was the _Novemdiale_, which was
held, according to Livy, whenever stones fell from heaven.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Feather by feather the goose is plucked.
%%
:feature creature: [poss. fr. slang `creature feature' for a
   horror movie] n. 1. One who loves to add features to designs or
   programs, perhaps at the expense of coherence, concision, or
   {taste}.  2. Alternately, a mythical being that induces
   otherwise rational programmers to perpetrate such crocks.  See also
   {feeping creaturism}, {creeping featurism}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:featurectomy: /fee`ch*r-ek't*-mee/ n. The act of removing a
   feature from a program.  Featurectomies come in two flavors, the
   `righteous' and the `reluctant'.  Righteous featurectomies are
   performed because the remover believes the program would be more
   elegant without the feature, or there is already an equivalent and
   better way to achieve the same end.  (Doing so is not quite the
   same thing as removing a {misfeature}.)  Reluctant
   featurectomies are performed to satisfy some external constraint
   such as code size or execution speed.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:feature key: n. The Macintosh key with the cloverleaf graphic on
   its keytop; sometimes referred to as `flower', `pretzel',
   `clover', `propeller', `beanie' (an apparent reference to the
   major feature of a propeller beanie), {splat}, or the `command
   key'.  The Mac's equivalent of an {alt} key (and so labeled on
   on some Mac II keyboards).  The proliferation of terms for this
   creature may illustrate one subtle peril of iconic interfaces.

   Many people have been mystified by the cloverleaf-like symbol that
   appears on the feature key.  Its oldest name is `cross of St.
   Hannes', but it occurs in pre-Christian Viking art as a decorative
   motif.  Throughout Scandinavia today the road agencies use it to
   mark sites of historical interest.  Apple picked up the symbol from
   an early Mac developer who happened to be Swedish.  Apple
   documentation gives the translation "interesting feature"!

   There is some dispute as to the proper (Swedish) name of this
   symbol.  It technically stands for the word `sev"ardhet'
   (interesting feature) many of these are old churches. Some Swedes
   report as an idiom for it the word `kyrka', cognate to English
   `church' and Scots-dialect `kirk' but pronounced /shir'k*/ in
   modern Swedish.  Others say this is nonsense.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FEATURE n. A surprising property of a program. Occasionally documented. To
call a property a feature sometimes means the author did not consider that
case, and the program makes an unexpected, though not necessarily wrong
response. See BUG. "That's not a bug, it's a feature!" A bug can be changed
to a feature by documenting it.
%%
:feature shock: [from Alvin Toffler's book title "Future
   Shock"] n. A user's (or programmer's!) confusion when confronted
   with a package that has too many features and poor introductory
   material.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Features should be discovered, not documented!
%%
Feces Occurs.
%%
Federal Employment Principle: Confusion creates jobs.
%%
FEDERAL EXPRESS COURIERS will absolutely, positively do it overnight.
%%
Federal funding cuts!  Pentagon reduced to Square!!
%%
Federal Law Prohibits the removal of this tag.
%%
federation - having given a ration of food to someone.
%%
Federation ship Enterprise, surrender and prepare to be boarded.
That will be the day.
 -- Klingon and Picard, "Yesterday's Enterprise", stardate 43625.2
%%
Feed Jane Fonda to the whales.
%%
Feed the homeless to the hungry.
 -- Solution to two of the world's problems
%%
Feed your faith and starve your doubts to death.
%%
Feed Your Need To Read.
%%
Feed yourself and feed others. Then, if you have to say good
 -- bye,
it won't matter. You will have shared love.
 -- Jeanne Moreau
%%
Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an englishman.
 -- From "Jack and the beanstalk"
%%
Feel disillusioned?  I've got some great new illusions ...
%%
Feel folded, spindled or mutilated, call...
%%
Feel free to publish this TagLine. It's Stolen.
%%
Feeling bad hurts your health.
%%
Feeling compressed ARJ you?
%%
Feeling lucky????  Update your software!
%%
FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Feelings are real and legitimate; children behave and misbehave for
a reason, even if adults cannot figure it out.
%%
Feelings: Cara Lott
%%
Feeling SHRUNK down? Imploded? Then "ReARJ /a /d /tARJ *"
%%
Feels like the time I was initiated into the Silly Buggers' Society
  at Cambridge. I misheard the instructions and pushed an entire
  aubergine into my earhole...
 -- George : Corporal Punishment
%%
:feeper: /fee'pr/ n. The device in a terminal or workstation (usually
   a loudspeaker of some kind) that makes the {feep} sound.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:feep: /feep/ 1. n. The soft electronic `bell' sound of a
   display terminal (except for a VT-52); a beep (in fact, the
   microcomputer world seems to prefer {beep}).  2. vi. To cause
   the display to make a feep sound.  ASR-33s (the original TTYs) do
   not feep; they have mechanical bells that ring.  Alternate forms:
   {beep}, `bleep', or just about anything suitably
   onomatopoeic.  (Jeff MacNelly, in his comic strip "Shoe", uses
   the word `eep' for sounds made by computer terminals and video
   games; this is perhaps the closest written approximation yet.)  The
   term `breedle' was sometimes heard at SAIL, where the terminal
   bleepers are not particularly soft (they sound more like the
   musical equivalent of a raspberry or Bronx cheer; for a close
   approximation, imagine the sound of a Star Trek communicator's beep
   lasting for five seconds).  The `feeper' on a VT-52 has been
   compared to the sound of a '52 Chevy stripping its gears.  See also
   {ding}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:feeping creature: [from {feeping creaturism}] n. An unnecessary
   feature; a bit of {chrome} that, in the speaker's judgment, is
   the camel's nose for a whole horde of new features.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:feeping creaturism: /fee'ping kree`ch*r-izm/ n. A deliberate
   spoonerism for {creeping featurism}, meant to imply that the
   system or program in question has become a misshapen creature of
   hacks.  This term isn't really well defined, but it sounds so neat
   that most hackers have said or heard it.  It is probably reinforced
   by an image of terminals prowling about in the dark making their
   customary noises.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:feetch feetch: /feech feech/ interj. If someone tells you about
   some new improvement to a program, you might respond: "Feetch,
   feetch!"  The meaning of this depends critically on vocal
   inflection.  With enthusiasm, it means something like "Boy, that's
   great!  What a great hack!"  Grudgingly or with obvious doubt, it
   means "I don't know; it sounds like just one more unnecessary and
   complicated thing".  With a tone of resignation, it means, "Well,
   I'd rather keep it simple, but I suppose it has to be done".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FEKR GABUL CRADAN DAVAT PAEH GUSH DIVAR.
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor
with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
 -- Useful phrases to know when traveling in moslem areas
%%
Felicity:  A town inhabited by happy cats...
%%
Feline Flambe'
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Feline:  Opposite of "he" lion...
%%
Feline Sapiens
%%
Felines... nothing more than felines...
%%
Felinious Assault: Striking someone with a cat.
%%
"Felis catus" is your taxonomic nomenclature:
an endothermic quadroped, carnivorous by nature.
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.
I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations ---
a singular development of cat communications
that obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
for a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents.
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance,
and when not being utilized to aid in locomotion
it often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.
O, Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

 -- Lt. Cmdr. Data, "Schisms", Stardate 46 
%%
FELIX NAVIDAD - Our cat has a boat.
%%
Felix Plater notes of some young physicians, that study to cure diseases,
catch them themselves, will be sick, and appropriate all symptoms
they find related of others to their own persons.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 3, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
FELL OFF OF THE CLIFF by Eileen Dover
%%
Fellowship of Christian Athletes.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Fellows who have no tongues are often all eyes and ears.
 -- Haliburton
%%
Fellow with closed mind often has open mouth.
%%
FELON, n.  A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in
embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Female: One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Female prison population is only 6% of total inmates
%%
Female programmers get their bits twiddled.
%%
Female Republicans still want "Tricky Dick"!!!
%%
Female sex change operation: An Adadicktome.
%%
Females have PMS, I have SRH, Sperm Retention Headaches
%%
Feminine Protection? A chartreuse flamethrower?
%%
FEMINISM.COM Corrupted: A)bort W)hine S)creech
%%
Feminism has become gender politics' One-Party System!
%%
FEMINISM IS FOR THE BIRDS AND ANY REAL WOMEN KNOWS THAT. WOMEN ARE
BORN SUBMISSIVES AND LONG TO BE TREATED AS SUCH. MAN IS THE TRUE
DOMINATE SEX AND WILL ALWAYS BE SUPERIOR TO THE FEMALE. A WOMAN SHOULD
BE KEPT BOUND AND GAGGED UNTIL SHE HAS REACHED A POINT IN HER TRAINING
THAT SHE KNOWS HER PLACE AND WILL BE TOTALLY SUBMISSIVE TO HER MASTER
(THE MALE).
%%
Feminism: It's because of men that sh*t happens.
%%
Feminism was created so ugly women could mix with others.
%%
Feminist bookstores have no humor section.
%%
Feminists, 1980-90: My Body NO Choice; if increases my freedom to kill.
%%
Feminists give women a bad name.
%%
Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of
women.  They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their
handbags are full.
 -- Earl Wilson
%%
Feminist Update:  Rush Limbaugh still hasn't had any!
%%
Feminizm.exe not found:  Q)uit R)etry A)bortion
%%
Feminizm is an a ugly dog licking her tail
%%
Feminizm is pusillanimous prevarication and pious procrastination.
%%
Feminizm is the mother of dementia.
%%
Feminizm is the mother of dissension.
%%
Feminizm lowers your testerone.
%%
Feminizm means never having to say anything coherent!
%%
Feminizm -- see fascism.
%%
Feminizm -- the stop sign on the superinformation highway.
%%
Feminizm uber alles!
%%
Feminizm -- winning through whining.
%%
Feminizt doing a Niker commercial -- just PROVE it!
%%
Feminizt logic -- the original oxymoron.
%%
Feminizt motto:  We're trying 2B trying!
%%
Feminizts: A great untapped natural resource for doormats.
%%
Feminizts are proof that God has a sense of humor.
%%
Feminizts are whine connoisseurs.
%%
Feminizts don't want to get equal, they want to get even.
%%
Feminizts have turned the Love Boat into the Titanic.
%%
Feminizts make a case for the need for RETROACTIVE birth control.
%%
Feminizt's minds are closed for repairs.
%%
Feminizts --  perveyors of lies, distortions and falsehoods and etceteras
%%
Feminizts see with only one eye, the left.
%%
Feminizt tagline:  Tag, now you die.
%%
:fence: n. 1. A sequence of one or more distinguished
   ({out-of-band}) characters (or other data items), used to
   delimit a piece of data intended to be treated as a unit (the
   computer-science literature calls this a `sentinel').  The NUL
   (ASCII 0000000) character that terminates strings in C is a fence.
   Hex FF is also (though slightly less frequently) used this way.
   See {zigamorph}.  2. An extra data value inserted in an array or
   other data structure in order to allow some normal test on the
   array's contents also to function as a termination test.  For
   example, a highly optimized routine for finding a value in an array
   might artificially place a copy of the value to be searched for
   after the last slot of the array, thus allowing the main search
   loop to search for the value without having to check at each pass
   whether the end of the array had been reached.  3. [among users of
   optimizing compilers] Any technique, usually exploiting knowledge
   about the compiler, that blocks certain optimizations.  Used when
   explicit mechanisms are not available or are overkill.  Typically a
   hack: "I call a dummy procedure there to force a flush of the
   optimizer's register-coloring info" can be expressed by the
   shorter "That's a fence procedure".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:fencepost error: n. 1. A problem with the discrete equivalent of a
   boundary condition, often exhibited in programs by iterative
   loops.  From the following problem: "If you build a fence 100 feet
   long with posts 10 feet apart, how many posts do you need?"
   (Either 9 or 11 is a better answer than the obvious 10.)  For
   example, suppose you have a long list or array of items, and want
   to process items m through n; how many items are there?  The
   obvious answer is n - m, but that is off by one; the right
   answer is n - m + 1.  A program that used the `obvious'
   formula would have a fencepost error in it.  See also {zeroth}
   and {off-by-one error}, and note that not all off-by-one errors
   are fencepost errors.  The game of Musical Chairs involves a
   catastrophic off-by-one error where N people try to sit in
   N - 1 chairs, but it's not a fencepost error.  Fencepost
   errors come from counting things rather than the spaces between
   them, or vice versa, or by neglecting to consider whether one
   should count one or both ends of a row.  2. [rare] An error
   induced by unexpected regularities in input values, which can (for
   instance) completely thwart a theoretically efficient binary tree or
   hash table implementation.  (The error here involves the difference
   between expected and worst case behaviors of an algorithm.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fencers do it in a full lunge.
%%
Fencers do it with a thrust.
%%
Fencers do it with three feet of sword.
%%
Fenderberg: Deposit on the inside of a car fender after a snowstorm.
%%
:fepped out: /fept owt/ adj. The Symbolics 3600 LISP Machine has a
   Front-End Processor called a `FEP' (compare sense 2 of {box}).
   When the main processor gets {wedged}, the FEP takes control of
   the keyboard and screen.  Such a machine is said to have
   `fepped out' or `dropped into the fep'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FERA: Forms Eject and Run Away
%%
Ferdinand Mendez Pinto was but a type of thee, thou liar of the first
magnitude.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- Love for Love, Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
Ferenghi: pn.* A college freshman after his first beer.
%%
Ferengies! Well there goes the neighborhood.
%%
Ferengi Famous Last Words: "Here's your refund."
%%
Fer. Here 's my hand.
Mir. And mine, with my heart in 't.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Ferret = chaos with fur, claws and an odd smell.
%%
Ferret: cross between a dachshund and a cat.
%%
Ferret: curiousity at warp speed.
%%
Ferrets Aaaaarrrrgooooooooooooo!
%%
Ferrets are like mom's, always nosing about your room!
%%
Ferrets: Chaos theory given fur, claws, and a slight odor...
%%
Ferrets:  Curious about everything and move like quicksilver.
%%
Ferrets: nature's survival experts.
%%
Ferret: Tigger without stripes...
%%
Ferret toys: anything not nailed down.  And some that are.
%%
Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekker, wurks grate.
%%
Fer Sail chep: Memry rasdnt Spel Checer. Werks Grate
%%
Fer sell cheep:  IBM spel chekker.  Wurks grate.
%%
Fer sell cheep:  taglyne spel chekker.  Wurks grate.
%%
Fertility is hereditary.  If your parents didn't have any children,
neither will you.
%%
Fester:  Actor in Gunsmoke...
%%
Fester:  Quicker...
%%
Fetch hither the comfy chair!
%%
Fetch the holy handgrenade ...
%%
Fetishism, transvestism, and nasty foreign behavior: many people get a kick
 out of doing all sorts of apparently unpleasant things. Some like dressing
 up as the opposite sex--for example, Joan of Arc and Commander Joan of the
 Ark Royal; others enjoy sexual acts with bits of string, fish, dead birds,
 bottles, hedgehogs, etc., etc. Never laugh at people like this. They may be
 on to something.
 -- Eric Idle
%%
Fetuses do it in-vitro.
%%
Few children fear water unless soap's added
%%
Few ever lived to a great age, and fewer still ever became distinguished,
who were not in the habit of early rising.
 -- Todd
%%
Few executive women volunteer to financially support a househusband!
%%
Few, few shall part where many meet!
The snow shall be their winding-sheet,
And every turf beneath their feet
Shall be a soldier's sepulchre.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Hohenlinden
%%
Few great men could get past the Personnel Department.
%%
Few love to hear the sins they love to act.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Few men have been admired by their own domestics.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap ii, Of Repentance
%%
Few men have the natural strength to honour a friend's success without
envy.... I well know that mirror of friendship, shadow of a shade.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Agamemnon, 832
%%
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
 -- George Washington, First U.S. President
%%
Few men make themselves masters of the things they write or speak.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Learning
%%
Few of us can stand prosperity -- someone else's.
%%
Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling
out an income tax form.
%%
Few people are successful unless a lot of other people want them to be.
 -- Charles Brower
%%
Few people do business well who do nothing else.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Few people ever fully recover from sanding wooden floors.
%%
Few people now believe in the devil; but very many enjoy behaving
as their ancestors behaved when the Fiend was a reality as unquestionable
as his Opposite Number.
%%
Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an
international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Few persons have sufficient wisdom to prefer censure which is useful
to them, to praise which deceives them.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.
 -- Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
Few sons attain the praise
Of their great sires, and most their sires disgrace.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book ii, Line 315
%%
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Few things are less enjoyable than being old enough to know better.
%%
Few things are more dangerous than a hobbit with low blood sugar.
%%
Few things are more dangerous than an Astara with low blood sugar.
%%
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to
 inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Few things there are which damage the image of grown-up Americans more than
an adult book store.
%%
Few things work up an appetite like good, wholesome, sadomasochistic sex.
%%
Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.
%%
Few women will change if men are too weak to ask.
%%
Few young men of high gifts and fine tastes look forward to entering
public life, for the probability of disappointments and vexations
of a life in Congress so far outweigh its attractions that nothing
but exceptional ambition or a strong sense of public duty suffices
to draw such men into it. Law, education, literature, the higher
walks of commerce, finance, or railway work offer a better prospect
of enjoyment or distinction.
 -- Lord James Bryce
%%
FF bottles of beer on the wall.
%%
  FFF  - Fascist Fuckwits Federation
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
FFF: Form Feed Forever
%%
fflush and then wwash your hands.
%%
Fh|$ fagL|ne made fGfm GScYcLed ac|| chaGacfSG$
%%
Fiat: Failure in Automotive Technology
%%
Fiat: Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
%%
Fiat: Fix It Again Tony?
%%
Fiat: Fix It All the Time
%%
Fiat: F**king Italian Attempt (at) Transportation.
%%
Fiat: Fuck in a Taxi.
%%
Fiat: Fucking Italians Ain't Trustworthy
%%
FIB, n.  A lie that has not cut its teeth.  An habitual liar's nearest
approach to truth:  the perigee of his eccentric orbit.
    When David said:  "All men are liars," Dave,
        Himself a liar, fibbed like any thief.
        Perhaps he thought to weaken disbelief
    By proof that even himself was not a slave
    To Truth; though I suspect the aged knave
        Had been of all her servitors the chief
        Had he but known a fig's reluctant leaf
    Is more than e'er she wore on land or wave.
    No, David served not Naked Truth when he
        Struck that sledge-hammer blow at all his race;
            Nor did he hit the nail upon the head:
    For reason shows that it could never be,
        And the facts contradict him to his face.
            Men are not liars all, for some are dead.
                                                        Bartle Quinker
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Fibula:  Small lie...
%%
FICKLENESS, n.  The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities.  Truth isn't.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Fiction is the truth inside the lie.
 -- Stephen King
%%
Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography.
%%
Fiction lags after truth, invention is unfruitful, and imagination
cold and barren.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 116
%%
Fiddle: Friction of a horse's tail on a cat's entrails.
%%
FIDDLE, n.  An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a
horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

    To Rome said Nero:  "If to smoke you turn
    I shall not cease to fiddle while you burn."
    To Nero Rome replied:  "Pray do your worst,
    'Tis my excuse that you were fiddling first."
                                                            Orm Pludge
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
FIDELITY, n.  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
FIDO: all the social dynamics of kindergarten.
%%
Fidonet Flamers have uncontrolled vowel movements...
%%
:FidoNet: n. A worldwide hobbyist network of personal computers
   which exchanges mail, discussion groups, and files.  Founded in 1984
   and originally consisting only of IBM PCs and compatibles, FidoNet
   now includes such diverse machines as Apple ][s, Ataris, Amigas,
   and UNIX systems.  Though it is much younger than {USENET},
   FidoNet is already (in early 1991) a significant fraction of
   USENET's size at some 8000 systems.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fido - the dog of the networks..
%%
Fie for shame, you lascivious, lewd, lecherous,
 libidinous, lustful, licentious, dirty bum!!
%%
Fie! he said, surveying the carnage about him. Someone must have left
the bathroom light on again; don't they know the landlord gets UPSET?!
He sighed and went into the kitchen for a garbage bag. Y'know, he mused
as he put the dismembered limbs into the bag, if this apartment weren't in
such a good location, I'd move out. He sighed again and shook his head.
This is the third time that this has happened THIS MONTH! He made a
mental note to place another want ad for roommates in the paper.
%%
Fieldes have eies and woods have eares.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
Field experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #36
%%
FIELD: noun, a forest without the trees.
%%
:field servoid: [play on `android'] /fee'ld ser'voyd/ n.
   Representative of a field service organization (see {field
   circus}).  This has many of the implications of {droid}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Field's revelation: If you see a man holding a clipboard and looking official,
the chances are good that he is supposed to be doing something menial.
%%
Field Tested: Manufacturer lacks test equipment
%%
FIELD TESTED ............... Manufacturing doesn't have a test system
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Field Test: Putting your software out to pasture.
%%
Fie, my lord, fie! a soldier, and afeard?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Fie on possession,
But if a man be vertuous withal.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Frankeleines Prologue, Line 10998
%%
Fierce fiery warriors fought upon the clouds,
In ranks and squadrons and right form of war,
Which drizzled blood upon the Capitol.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Fierce warres and faithful loves shall moralize my song.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Introduction, St. 1
%%
Fiery energy lanced out, but the beams struck an intangible wall between
the Gubru and the rapidly turning Earth ship.

Water! it shrieked as it read the spectral report. A barrier of water
vapor! A civilized race could not have found such a trick in the Library!
A civilized race could not have stooped so low!  A civilized race would not
have...

It screamed as the Gubru ship hit a cloud of drifting snowflakes.

 -- Startide Rising, by David Brin
%%
Fie! What a spendthrift he is of his tongue!
 -- William Shakespeare
%%

FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types
refer to quantity.  The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and
JIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM and
BLOTTO.  Commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY,
CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH, and WHATEVERSAROUND.

The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and
financial status of its users.  Commands in the ELITE dialect include
VSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH
and RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers
who end up using this language.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18a: FIFTH
%%
Fifty flippant frogs
Walked by on flippered feet
And with their slime they made the time
Unnaturally fleet.
%%
Fifty states and I had to go and pick confusion.
%%
"Fifty Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makit & Betty Wont
%%
Fify bucks, same as downtown!
%%
Fight against violence!
%%
FIGHT APAth
 -- Seen on a park fence
%%
Fight at Long John Silver's, two fish battered!!!
%%
FIGHT CRIME * SHOOT BACK!
%%
Fighters do it with long sharp instruments.
%%
Fight for the right to pretend to work.
%%
Fighting for peace is like screaming for quiet.
%%
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
 -- George Carlin
%%
Fighting like catsmas and dogmas.
%%
Fighting the war with a starter pistol / water pistol /
%%
   FIGHTING WORDS

Say my love is easy had,
   Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
Say I am too often sad --
   Still behold me at your side.

Say I'm neither brave nor young,
   Say I woo and coddle care,
Say the devil touched my tongue --
   Still you have my heart to wear.

But say my verses do not scan,
   And I get me another man!
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
:Fight-o-net: [FidoNet] n. Deliberate distortion of {FidoNet},
   often applied after a flurry of {flamage} in a particular
   {echo}, especially the SYSOP echo or Fidonews (see {'Snooze}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fight on for ol' SC!
%%
Fight or flight.
%%
Fight pollution, sail a Laser!
%%
Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North
Carolina.
%%
Fight the good fight.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Timothy vi, 12
%%
Fight the Greenhouse Effect:  PLANT TREES!!!
%%
Fight the inflation: steal!
%%
Fight the population-explotion: shoot a stork.
%%
Fight War Not Wars!
%%
Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches/sec.
 -- J. Hart
%%
Figures figure and women lie.
%%
Figures Lie, and Liars Figure.
%%
Figures lie and women figure.....
%%
Figures won't lie, but liars will figure, and I figure that as long as they
 figure to lie, it's hard to find the facts.
%%
Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.
 -- Charles H. Grosvenor
%%
:File Attach: [FidoNet] 1. n. A file sent along with a mail message
   from one BBS to another.  2. vt. Sending someone a file by using
   the File Attach option in a BBS mailer.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
File cannot be copied onto itself.
%%
File COLDBEER.CAN not found - Operator not loaded!
%%
File missing, Try this one....
%%
File names are infinite in length where infinity is set to 255 characters.
 -- Peter Collinson, The Unix File System
%%
File Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ake It?
%%
File not found. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer.
%%
File Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (K)ill innocent bystanders
%%
File Not Found. Backup Not Found. Sure you don't want a drink?
%%
File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars...
%%
File not found. Delete *.* and change directory? (Y/N)_
%%
File not found. Did you look in the closet?
%%
File Not Found. Guess You F***ed Up Big-Time, Eh Ace????
%%
File not found. Have you looked in the dogbox? Y/N
%%
File not found. I'll load something *I* think is cool!
%%
File not found. I'll make something up.
%%
File not found, "LIFE.DRV", life halted.
%%
File Not Found. Loading something that looks similar.
%%
File not found. Load something more interesting? (Y/n)
%%
File not found. Look behind refrigerator? (Y/n)
%%
File not found. Nobody leave the room!
%%
File not found. Now you're in the DEEP doodoo!
%%
File not found. Remember, you just erased it.
%%
File not found. Should I fake it? [Y/n].........
%%
File not found. S)tay in jail, R)eturn cake, B)ang cup.
%%
File not found. Strike any USER to continue...
%%
File not found. Take a break ? (Y/N)
%%
File Not Found, Wanna play Solitaire?
 -- WindowError: 044
%%
File ORG.ASM not found, girlfriend not happy!
%%
:File Request: [FidoNet] 1. n. The {FidoNet} equivalent of
   {FTP}, in which one BBS system automatically dials another and
   {snarf}s one or more files.  Often abbreviated `FReq'; files
   are often announced as being "available for FReq" in the same way
   that files are announced as being "available for/by anonymous
   FTP" on the Internet.  2. vt. The act of getting a copy of a file
   by using the File Request option of the BBS mailer.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FILES=30, BUFFERS=10, STACKS=BLOWN, BREAK=GIMMEA
%%
FILES=30, BUFFERS=20, FCBS=SAYWHAT, BREAK=GIMME[A]
%%
FILES=30, BUFFERS=40, Ball on the 20, 1st and 10.
%%
:file signature: n. A {magic number}, sense 3.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Files not found:  Delete user instead? (Y/y)?
%%
Filet Mignon: An opera by Puccini.
%%
File to fit, hammer to suit, paint to hide.
%%
File - What you do to your nails when the computer is doing
all of the work
%%
File your RCT T1 by 30 April
%%
Filing is concerned with the past;
anything you actually need to see again
has to do with the future.
 -- Katharine Whitehorn
%%
:filk: /filk/ [from SF fandom, where a typo for `folk' was
   adopted as a new word] n.,v. A popular or folk song with lyrics
   revised or completely new lyrics, intended for humorous effect when
   read, and/or to be sung late at night at SF conventions.  There is a
   flourishing subgenre of these called `computer filks', written by
   hackers and often containing rather sophisticated technical humor.
   See {double bucky} for an example.  Compare {grilf},
   {hing} and {newsfroup}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Filk is 8-bit folk music with the parody bit set!
%%
Fill all the glasses there, for why
Should every creature drink but I?
Why, man of morals, tell me why?
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- From Anacreon, ii, Drinking
%%
Fill all thy bones with aches.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Fill'd the air with barbarous dissonance.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 550
%%
Fill'd with fury, rapt, inspired.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- The Passions, Line 10
%%
Fillet O'FRED.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Filling up my hard drive, with taglines!
%%
Fills
The air around with beauty.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 49
%%
:film at 11: [MIT: in parody of TV newscasters] 1. Used in
   conversation to announce ordinary events, with a sarcastic
   implication that these events are earth-shattering.  "{{ITS}}
   crashes; film at 11."  "Bug found in scheduler; film at 11."
   2. Also widely used outside MIT to indicate that additional
   information will be available at some future time, *without*
   the implication of anything particularly ordinary about the
   referenced event.  For example, "The mail file server died this
   morning; we found garbage all over the root directory.  Film at
   11." would indicate that a major failure had occurred but that the
   people working on it have no additional information about it as
   yet; use of the phrase in this way suggests gently that the problem
   is liable to be fixed more quickly if the people doing the fixing
   can spend time doing the fixing rather than responding to
   questions, the answers to which will appear on the normal "11:00
   news", if people will just be patient.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Filmed in Shadorama!    Keep Circulating the Tapes!
%%
Film music should have the same relationship to the film drama that
 somebody's piano playing in my living room has to the book I'm reading.
 -- Igor Stravinsky
%%
:filter: [orig. {{UNIX}}, now also in {{MS-DOS}}] n. A program that
   processes an input data stream into an output data stream in some
   well-defined way, and does no I/O to anywhere else except possibly
   on error conditions; one designed to be used as a stage in a
   `pipeline' (see {plumbing}).  Compare {sponge}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Filth & profanity tolerated here!
%%
Fimbriation is a borderline case
%%
:Finagle's Law: n. The generalized or `folk' version of
   {Murphy's Law}, fully named "Finagle's Law of Dynamic
   Negatives" and usually rendered "Anything that can go wrong,
   will".  One variant favored among hackers is "The perversity of
   the Universe tends towards a maximum" (but see also {Hanlon's
   Razor}).  The label `Finagle's Law' was popularized by SF author
   Larry Niven in several stories depicting a frontier culture of
   asteroid miners; this `Belter' culture professed a religion
   and/or running joke involving the worship of the dread god Finagle
   and his mad prophet Murphy.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Final exam in philosophy:
"Prove that the chair on the desk does not exist".
Student turned in "What chair?" and got an A.
%%
Finality is death. Perfection is finality. Nothing is perfect. There
are lumps in it.
 -- James Stephens
%%
Finally, a liberal opposition!
%%
Finally, a post that's not about the 3DO or Jag!
%%
Finally both Oars in the Water - Floating
%%
Finally he released the young man, and waded back to dry land. Then
Socrates questioned the man. `What did you most want just now?'
The young man replied, `Air.' `When you want knowledge as much as
you just wanted air, you shall have it.'
%%
Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this.
 -- Peter Sellers
%%
Finally, yet another book on the Holocaust. This one with cutouts.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the
 faculty dining room.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Final Message from the Titanic: Fatal crash due to icebug.
%%
final pitch: act of throwing down a rope without securing one of the ends.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Final Ruin fiercely drives
Her ploughshare o'er creation.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ix, Line 167
%%
Final Version.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
FINAL WARNING -- SYSTEM GOING DOWN IMMEDIATELY
%%
Finance majors do it with interest.
%%
FINANCE, n.  The art or science of managing revenues and resources for
the best advantage of the manager.  The pronunciation of this word
with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of
America's most precious discoveries and possessions.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Find a matching pair of shells that feel comfortable.  This is
harder than it seems, especially if the shells are still occupied.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Find a need and fool it!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Find an impersonator who CAN'T do Jack Nicholson.
%%
Find an impersonator who CAN'T do Kirk Douglas.
%%
Find an impersonator who CAN'T do Robin Leech.
%%
Find an impersonator who CAN'T do Ronald Reagan.
%%
Find another profession to be young in.
 -- Joe Queenan
%%
Find expression for a sorrow and it will become dear to you.
Find expression for a joy, and you will intensify its ecstasy.
%%
Find God?!? Why? Is he missing?
%%
Find happiness in your work, or you may never find it anywhere else.
%%
Finding a good man is like trying to staple Jello to a tree.
%%
Finding bad reasons for what one believes for other bad reasons - that's
philosophy.
 -- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
%%
Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and
bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication and courage.  But if we
don't practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to solve the truly
serious problems that face us -- and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, up
for grabs by the next charlatan who comes along.
 -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987
%%
Find Jesus? I didn't know he was LOST!
%%
Find out the cause of this effect,
Or rather say, the cause of this defect,
For this effect defective comes by cause.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Find out the cost before you get in.
%%
Finds a flat by swapping tires.
%%
Finds canonical humor collections amusing.
%%
Find the fallacy:
  All UNIX systems programmers have beards.
  God has a beard.
  Therefore, God is a UNIX systems programmer.
%%
Find time still to be learning somewhat good, and give up being desultory.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 7
%%
Find your aim in life before you run out of ammunition!
 -- Arnold Glasow
%%
Fine Art Diplomas, please take one.
 -- Seen on a toilet paper dispensor
%%
Fine by defect, and delicately weak.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 43
%%
Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
%%
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
%%
Fine, DON'T have a nice day, see if I care.
%%
Fine, Fine...Have your Klingon servent get some chairs!
%%
Fine's Corollary: Functionality breeds Contempt.
%%
FINE
  Term used by weathermen when they don't really know what it's going
  to be like. Of course, if the rest of us made as many mistakes in
  our jobs as weathermen do in theirs, the entire world would be a
  disaster area. "Well guv, I expect if we use this plastic pretend
  bolt to hold up this building, the structure will be FINE with
  possible later collapse on Thursday."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated
with true virtue.
 -- Confucius
%%
:fine: [WPI] adj. Good, but not good enough to be {cuspy}.  The word
   `fine' is used elsewhere, of course, but without the implicit
   comparison to the higher level implied by {cuspy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fingerplay: Jacob Sladder
%%
:finger-pointing syndrome: n. All-too-frequent result of bugs, esp.
   in new or experimental configurations.  The hardware vendor points
   a finger at the software.  The software vendor points a finger
   at the hardware.  All the poor users get is the finger.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Finger Sandwiches.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Fingers were made before forks, and hands before knives.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
:finger: [WAITS, via BSD UNIX] 1. n. A program that displays
   information about a particular user or all users logged on the
   system, or a remote system.  Typically shows full name, last login
   time, idle time, terminal line, and terminal location (where
   applicable).  May also display a {plan file} left by the user
   (see also {Hacking X for Y}).  2. vt. To apply finger to a
   username.  3. vt. By extension, to check a human's current state by
   any means.  "Foodp?"  "T!"  "OK, finger Lisa and see if she's
   idle."  4. Any picture (composed of ASCII characters) depicting
   `the finger'.  Originally a humorous component of one's plan file
   to deter the curious fingerer (sense 2), it has entered the arsenal
   of some {flamer}s.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Finicalness on the part of mendicants is interdicted.
[ beggers can't be choosers. ]
%%
Finish each day and be done with it.  You have done what you could.
 Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon
as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely...
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
"Finish him. Finish him    -- your way!"
"Oh, good. My way. Thank you, Viccinni . . . which way's my way?"
"Pick up one of those rocks. Get behind the boulder. In a few minutes, the
man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in
view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!"
"My way is not very sportsman-like . . ."
 -- Viccinni and Fezzik, played by Andre the Giant (RIP) "The Princess Bride"
%%
Finish the project.  We'll buy you a new family.
%%
Finish the sentence below in 25 words or less:

      Love is what you feel just before you give someone a good ...

Mail your answer along with the top half of your supervisor to:

    P.O. Box 35
   Baffled Greek, Michigan
%%
Finish your backup, and later on we can have Ice Cream!
%%
Finish your mail packet!  Children are offline in India.
%%
Finish your vegetables! There are children in Beverly Hills with eating
 disorders.
 -- John Callahan
%%
:finn: [IRC] v. To pull rank on somebody based on the amount of
   time one has spent on {IRC}.  The term derives from the fact
   that IRC was originally written in Finland in 1987.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fire alarm that doesn't ring when you sleep.
 -- Polish invention
%%
Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself.
They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone under
independence...  From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the
present day, events, occurrences, and tendencies prove that to
ensure peace, security, and happiness, the rifle and pistol are
equally indispensable....  The very atmosphere of firearms every-
where restrains evil interference - they deserve a place of honor
with all that's good.
 -- George Washington (bogus?)
%%
Fire at will! Ooops, sorry Will!
%%
Fire at Will  >ZAP<  THANK you Data...I mean, 'Number One'
%%
Fire a warning shot across her nose..
%%
FIRE!! BANG!! OOUUUCH!!!!! Whoops!  Is anyone down range.
%%
:firebottle: n. A large, primitive, power-hungry active electrical
   device, similar in function to a FET but constructed out of glass,
   metal, and vacuum.  Characterized by high cost, low density, low
   reliability, high-temperature operation, and high power
   dissipation.  Sometimes mistakenly called a `tube' in the U.S.
   or a `valve' in England; another hackish term is {glassfet}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fired from McDonald's for having a short attention span.
%%
Fired her retro-rockets a little late.
%%
        ...'fire' does not matter, 'earth' and 'air' and 'water' do not
matter.  'I' do not matter.  No word matters.  But man forgets reality
and remembers words.  The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his
fellows esteem him.  He looks upon the great transformations of the
world, but he does not see them as they were seen when man looked upon
reality for the first time.  Their names come to his lips and he smiles
as he tastes them, thinking he knows them in the naming.
 -- Siddartha, _Lord_of_Light_ by Roger Zelazny
%%
Fired that the house rejects him, "'Sdeath! I 'll print it,
And shame the fools."
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 61
%%
Fire extinguisher toggled <ON<
%%
Firefighters are always in heat.
%%
Fire Fighters have bigger hoses.
%%
:firefighting: n. 1. What sysadmins have to do to correct sudden
   operational problems.  An opposite of hacking.  "Been hacking your
   new newsreader?"  "No, a power glitch hosed the network and I spent
   the whole afternoon fighting fires."  2. The act of throwing lots
   of manpower and late nights at a project, esp. to get it out
   before deadline.  See also {gang bang}, {Mongolian Hordes
   technique}; however, the term `firefighting' connotes that the
   effort is going into chasing bugs rather than adding features.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FIRE FIRE FIRE... No, that's not right... RAPE RAPE RAPE
%%
:firehose syndrome: n. In mainstream folklore it is observed that
   trying to drink from a firehose can be a good way to rip your lips
   off.  On computer networks, the absence or failure of flow control
   mechanisms can lead to situations in which the sending system
   sprays a massive flood of packets at an unfortunate receiving
   system, more than it can handle.  Compare {overrun}, {buffer
   overflow}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fire in each eye, and papers in each hand,
They rave, recite, and madden round the land.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 5
%%
Fire In The Hole
%%
Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men.
 -- Seneca (8 BC)
 -- De Providentia, 5, 9
%%
Firemen are always in heat.
%%
Firemen do it wearing rubber.
%%
Firemen do it with a big hose.
%%
Firemen find `em hot, and leave `em wet.
%%
Firemen like things HOT!
%%
Fire, Mr. Worf! <Worf picks up extinguisher<
%%
Fire protection:  that's asbestos it gets...
%%
FIRE
  Red and/or yellow hot thing. Don't touch.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Fireside happiness, to hours of ease
Blest with that charm, the certainty to please.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Human Life
%%
Fires the proud tops of the eastern pines.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
:firewall code: n. 1. The code you put in a system (say, a
   telephone switch) to make sure that the users can't do any
   damage. Since users always want to be able to do everything but
   never want to suffer for any mistakes, the construction of a
   firewall is a question not only of defensive coding but also of
   interface presentation, so that users don't even get curious about
   those corners of a system where they can burn themselves.
   2. Any sanity check inserted to catch a {can't happen} error.
   Wise programmers often change code to fix a bug twice: once to fix
   the bug, and once to insert a firewall which would have arrested
   the bug before it did quite as much damage.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:firewall machine: n. A dedicated gateway machine with special
   security precautions on it, used to service outside network
   connections and dial-in lines.  The idea is to protect a cluster of
   more loosely administered machines hidden behind it from
   {cracker}s.  The typical firewall is an inexpensive micro-based
   UNIX box kept clean of critical data, with a bunch of modems and
   public network ports on it but just one carefully watched
   connection back to the rest of the cluster.  The special
   precautions may include threat monitoring, callback, and even a
   complete {iron box} keyable to particular incoming IDs or
   activity patterns.  Syn. {flytrap}, {Venus flytrap}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fire, water and government know nothing of mercy.
 -- Albanian Proverb
%%
:fireworks mode: n. The mode a machine is sometimes said to be in when
   it is performing a {crash and burn} operation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Firing up the Blast-O-Matic Obnoxious Airbag Deflator.
%%
Firmness in politics is called obstinacy anywhere else.
%%
Firmness in politics is called obstinacy in a donkey.
%%
Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional
to tightness of schedule.
 -- Robin's Law of Delivery
%%
Firmware: hardware that's starting to melt.
%%
:firmy: /fer'mee/ Syn. {stiffy} (a 3.5-inch floppy disk).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
First, a few words about tools.

Basically, a tool is an object that enables you to take advantage of
the laws of physics and mechanics in such a way that you can seriously
injure yourself.  Today, people tend to take tools for granted.  If
you're ever walking down the street and you notice some people who look
particularly smug, the odds are that they are taking tools for
granted.  If I were you, I'd walk right up and smack them in the face.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
First, assume a can opener...
%%
First, assume a spherical cow of uniform density...
%%
First as to speech.  That privilege rests upon the premise that
there is no proposition so uniformly acknowledged that it may not be
lawfully challenged, questioned, and debated.  It need not rest upon
the further premise that there are no propositions that are not
open to doubt; it is enough, even if there are, that in the end it is
worse to suppress dissent than to run the risk of heresy.  Hence it
has been again and again unconditionally proclaimed that there are
no limits to the privilege so far as words seek to affect only the hearers'
beliefs and not their conduct.  The trouble is that conduct is almost
always based upon some belief, and that to change the hearer's belief
will generally to some extent change his conduct, and may even evoke
conduct that the law forbids.
 -- [cf. Learned Hand, The Spirit of Liberty,
 -- University of Chicago Press, 1952, The Art and Craft of Judging:
 -- The Decisions of Judge Learned Hand,
 -- edited and annotated by Hershel Shanks, The MacMillian Company, 1968.]
%%
First Barney, then Michael... who's next?
%%
First commit the Golden Rule to memory, then work at it and commit the rule
 to life itself.
%%
First C Program, huh?
 -- C Error #011
%%
First do what is necessary, Then do what is possible And soon you are doing the
impossible.
%%
First get an absolute conquest over thyself, and then thou wilt easily
govern thy wife.
 -- Fuller
%%
FIRST GUARD: Ah!  Now ... we're not allowed to ...
   SIR LAUNCELOT runs him through,  grabs his spear and stabs the other
   guard who collapses in a heap.  Hiccoughs quietly.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
FIRST HEAD: All right! All right! We'll kill him first and then have tea and
            biscuits.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
FIRST HEAD:  Oh! quick! get the sword out I want to cut his head off.
THIRD HEAD:  Oh, cut your own head off.
SECOND HEAD: Yes - do us all a favour.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
First:
If you're going to be funny, you have to have truth rooted in your effort.
Later:
When I said women shouldn't have the right to vote, I was just being funny.
 -- Rush Limbaugh
%%
First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test..
 So just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
First impressions are of major importance in business matters.
 -- J. Pierpont Finch
%%
First I must sprinkle you with fairy dust...
%%
First in, first out.
 -- Second Law of Hacking
%%
First in the fight and every graceful deed.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iv, Line 295
%%
First it was Hillary, then it was Jennifer, now it is US!!!
%%
First it was "tax the rich", now it is "bait and switch!"
%%
First learn computer science and all the theory.  Next develop a programming
style.  Then forget all that and just hack.
 -- George Carrette [1990]
%%
First listen to sermon, THEN eat missionary.
%%
First must give place to last, because last must have his time to come;
but last gives place to nothing, for there is not another to succeed.
 -- Bunyan
%%
First Order Reaction: The reaction that occurs first, not always the one
   desired.  For example, the formation of brown gunk in
   an organic prep.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
First passenger (waiting at a bus stop) ask another passenger "how long is
 the next bus". The reply is : "About 40 feet!"
%%
First Play. We have reformed that indifferently with us, sir.
Ham. O, reform it altogether.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
First prepare the soup of your choice and pour it into a bowl. Then, take
 the bowl and quickly turn it upside down on the cookie tray. Lift the bowl
 ever so gently so that the soup retains the shape of the bowl. Gently is
 the key word here. Then, with the knife cut the soup down the middle into
 halves, then quarters, and gently reassemble the soup into a cube. Some of
 the soup will run off onto the cookie tray. Lift this soup up by the
 corners and fold slowly into a cylindrical soup staff. Square off the cube
 by stuffing the cracks with this cylindrical soup staff. Place the packet
 in your purse or inside coat pocket, and pack off to work.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
First-rate people hire first-rate people.  Second-rate
people hire third-rate people.
%%
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Concerning such as read and dispute ostentatiously,
 -- Discourses, Book iii, Chap. xxiii
%%
First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
 -- Greek saying
%%
First Shakespeare sonnets seem meaningless; first Bach fugues a
 bore; first differential equations sheer torture.  But in due
 course, contact with an obscurely beautiful poem, an elaborate
 piece of counterpoint, or of mathematical reasoning, causes us
 to feel direct intuitions of beauty and significance.
%%
First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin.
%%
FIRST SOLDIER:  So they wouldn't be able to bring a coconut back anyway.
SECOND SOLDIER: Wait a minute! Suppose two swallows carried it together?
FIRST SOLDIER:  No, they'd have to have it on a line.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
First study the enemy.  Seek weakness.
 -- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror," stardate 1709.2.
%%
First the Boy part...
%%
First the good news--you're going to have a disease named after you.
 -- M.D. to patient
%%
First, then, a woman will or won't, depend on 't;
If she will do 't, she will; and there 's an end on 't.
But if she won't, since safe and sound your trust is,
Fear is affront, and jealousy injustice.
 -- Aaron Hill (1685-1750)
 -- Zara, Epilogue
%%
First there were low calorie drinks put on the market, and now, dry beer.
 The next step is selling you and empty container that simply credits your
 account with having tried to drink something.
%%
First they came for the drug users, and I said nothing because I wasn't
a drug user.  Then they came for the atheists, and I said nothing because I
wasn't an atheist.  Then they came for the hackers...
%%
First, they tax incomes; now they're taxing my patience.
%%
First they went after the Communists,
and I did not stand up, because I was not a Communist.
Then they went after the homosexuals and infirm,
and I did not stand up, because I was neither.
Then they went after the Jews,
and I did not stand up, because I was not a Jew.
Then they went after the Catholics,
and I did not stand up, because I was Protestant.
Finally, they went after me,
and there was no one left to stand up for me.
 -- Pastor Martin Neimoller
%%
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
 -- Doctor Who, MEGLOS
%%
First things first, second things never.
%%
First Vietnam, then Somalia. What's next?  Bosnia?
%%
FIRST VILLAGER: We have found a witch.  May we burn her?
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
First, we'll kill all the programmers...
%%
"First, we were making the effort there so that people would have their own
 right to decide their own future, and could select their own form of
 government ... Now we're saying we're going to fight there so that we don't
 have to fight in Thailand, so we don't have to fight on the West Coast of the
 United States, so that they won't move across the Rockies.
 -- Robert Francis Kennedy (1925-1968), November 26, 1967
%%
First we will be best, and then we will be first.
 -- Grant Tinker
%%
First wipe your nose and check your flies.
 -- Alec Guinness
%%
First you forget names, then you forget faces,
then you forget to pull your zipper up,
then you forget to pull your zipper down.
 -- Leo Rosenberg
%%
First you go out and buy a stick--it's called a baton--about this long.
 Then you get some music, you get musicians together, you give them this
 music, you stand in front of them with the stick in your right hand, you go
 like this, and a mysterious thing happens: the musicians begin to play.
 Now, once the musicians are playing there are only two things you must
 remember, but they are very important: you must not disturb the musicians
 while they are playing, and second, when the musicians have stopped
 playing, you must stop conducting.
 -- Sigmund Romberg
%%
First you harmonize, then you customize.
 -- Wilson Pickett
%%
    First, you must know what the thing is, and then after
learn the use of the same.
 -- Robert Recorde
%%
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes
 you.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
First you take a leak.
%%
:fish: [Adelaide University, Australia] n. 1. Another {metasyntactic
   variable}.  See {foo}.  Derived originally from the Monty Python
   skit in the middle of "The Meaning of Life" entitled
   "Find the Fish".  2. A pun for `microfiche'.  A microfiche
   file cabinet may be referred to as a `fish tank'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fish and Tempura vegetables being BATTERED!
%%
Fish and visitors stink in three days.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
Fish and women are only good for three days !!!
%%
Fish are said to have good eyesight, but many breeds are hard of herring. (
 Apologies on this one, all around, of course!)
%%
Fish are so hard to toilet train.
%%
Fisherman's hell: Beer......Bait.....take one.
%%
Fishermen always have long rods.
%%
Fishermen and Film Majors have reel lives.
%%
Fishermen are proud of their rods.
%%
Fishermen do it for reel.
%%
Fishermen do it with their rods.
%%
FISHERMEN have long rods.
%%
Fishes that tipple in the deep,
  Know no such liberty.
 -- Richard Lovelace (1618-1658)
 -- To Althea from Prison, ii
%%
Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish.
 -- Cat in Red Dwarf 'White Hole'
%%
Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads
%%
Fishing:  A man's way of hiding a drinking problem...
%%
Fishing is a delusion surrounded by liars in old clothes.
%%
Fishing is great, if you're using hand grenades!
%%
Fishing rod: a hook at one end, a fool at the other.
%%
Fishin' Hole Or Fission Hole?
* Burns Denies Responsibility In Fish Flap
Count The Eyes, Mr. Burns!
 -- The Springfield Shopper Headlines,
 -- "Two Cars in Every Garage, Three Eyes on Every Fish"
%%
Fish not, with this melancholy bait,
For this fool gudgeon, this opinion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Fish punsters are always ready to SPOUT off.
%%
:FISH queue: [acronym, by analogy with FIFO (First In, First Out)]
   n. `First In, Still Here'.  A joking way of pointing out that
   processing of a particular sequence of events or requests has
   stopped dead.  Also `FISH mode' and `FISHnet'; the latter
   may be applied to any network that is running really slowly or
   exhibiting extreme flakiness.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fish Story: Rod Enreel
%%
Fistfights: Donny Brooke
%%
Fit into the smallest space available...
 -- Cat Game #6
%%
:FITNR: // [Thinking Machines, Inc.] Fixed In the Next Release.
   A written-only notation attached to bug reports.  Often wishful
   thinking.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fitzgerald: The rich are different from us.
Hemingway: Yes, they have more money.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
 -- Robert Firth
%%
Five is right out.
%%

Five milliseconds after beginning to chew a mouthful of food,
the waiter will arrive and ask if it tastes OK.  He will be unable to
interpret hasty nods of the head, thumbs-up gestures, or words from your
spouse, and will wait, staring at you like a stunned ox, until you have
chewed, swallowed, and allayed his fears yourself: "yes."

We tipped him anyway.
 -- A new corollary to Murphy's law
 -- (experimentally verified this past weekend
 -- at the Olive Garden restaurant in Spokane, Washington)
%%
Five-Minute University teaches you in five minutes what the average college
 student remembers five years after he or she's out of school ...

 Say, if you want to take Spanish, what I teach you is "Como esta usted."
 That means "How are you." And the response is "Muy bien." That means "Very
 well." And believe me, if you took two years of college Spanish, five years
 after you're out of school, "Como esta usted" and "Muy bien" is about all
 you're gonna remember.

 So in my school that's all you learn ... Economics? "Supply and demand."
 That's it ...
 -- Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)
%%
Five out of four people have problems with fractions.
%%
Five senses; an incurably abstract intellect; a haphazardly selective
memory; a set of preconceptions and assumptions so numerous that I can
never examine more than minority of them - never become conscious of
them all.  How much of total reality can such an apparatus let through?
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
FIVE
  The fifth number, except for computer people, who always seem to
  count from zero. The number five was first conquered in the sixth
  century BC by Pythagorus, who was taking time off on his theorem to
  enter a counting competition. He came first, breaking the world
  counting record of the time, and subsequently appeared in the
  Ginthorus Book Of Records.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
%%
Five years from now, will they have a Soviet Reunion?
%%
Fix'd like a plant on his peculiar spot,
To draw nutrition, propagate, and rot.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 63
%%
Fixed Word Length:
Four letter word used by programmers in a state of confusion.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Fixing Computer Programs: Dee Bugger
%%
:FIXME: imp. A standard tag often put in C comments near a piece of
   code that needs work.  The point of doing so is that a `grep'
   or a similar pattern-matching tool can find all such places quickly.

     FIXME: note this is common in {GNU} code.

   Compare {XXX}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:fix: n.,v. What one does when a problem has been reported too many
   times to be ignored.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fjord [n] - A make of Norwegian automobile.
%%
Fla Come on vacation, return on probation
%%
FLA FLA FLOWLY
%%
:flag day: n. A software change that is neither forward- nor
   backward-compatible, and which is costly to make and costly to
   reverse.  "Can we install that without causing a flag day for all
   users?"  This term has nothing to do with the use of the word
   {flag} to mean a variable that has two values.  It came into use
   when a massive change was made to the {{Multics}} timesharing
   system to convert from the old ASCII code to the new one; this was
   scheduled for Flag Day (a U.S. holiday), June 14, 1966.  See also
   {backward combatability}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FLAG, n.  A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and
ships.  It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one
sees and vacant lots in London -- "Rubbish may be shot here."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:flag: n. A variable or quantity that can take on one of two
   values; a bit, particularly one that is used to indicate one of two
   outcomes or is used to control which of two things is to be done.
   "This flag controls whether to clear the screen before printing
   the message."  "The program status word contains several flag
   bits."  Used of humans analogously to {bit}.  See also
   {hidden flag}, {mode bit}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flag of the free heart's hope and home!
  By angel hands to valour given!
Thy stars have lit the welkin dome,
  And all thy hues were born in heaven.
Forever float that standard sheet!
  Where breathes the foe but falls before us,
With Freedom's soil beneath our feet,
  And Freedom's banner streaming o'er us?
 -- Joseph Rodman Drake (1795-1820)
 -- The American Flag
%%
Flagpole sitters do it in the air.
%%
Flair is what marks the difference between artistry and mere competence.
 -- Riker,  "Time Squraed,"  stardate 42679.2.
%%
flake: weird, erratic climber.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Flaky.
%%
:flaky: adj. (var sp. `flakey') Subject to frequent {lossage}.
   This use is of course related to the common slang use of the word
   to describe a person as eccentric, crazy, or just unreliable.  A
   system that is flaky is working, sort of --- enough that you are
   tempted to try to use it --- but fails frequently enough that the
   odds in favor of finishing what you start are low.  Commonwealth
   hackish prefers {dodgy} or {wonky}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flamage and Commercialism > /dev/null
%%
:flamage: /flay'm*j/ n. Flaming verbiage, esp. high-noise,
   low-signal postings to {USENET} or other electronic {fora}.
   Often in the phrase `the usual flamage'.  `Flaming' is the act
   itself; `flamage' the content; a `flame' is a single flaming
   message.  See {flame}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flame all you want.  We'll post more.
%%
:flame bait: n. A posting intended to trigger a {flame war}, or one
   that invites flames in reply.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:flame on: vi.,interj.  1. To begin to {flame}.  The punning
   reference to Marvel Comics's Human Torch is no longer widely
   recognized.  2. To continue to flame.  See {rave}, {burble}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:flamer: n. One who habitually {flame}s.  Said esp. of obnoxious
   {USENET} personalities.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue.
%%
Flames to dkoresh@davidians.com
%%
Flame Test:  Trial by fire.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Flamethrower not included...
%%
Flamethrowers are an 'outside' toy
%%
:flame war: n. (var. `flamewar') An acrimonious dispute,
   especially when conducted on a public electronic forum such as
   {USENET}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flaming delayed is flaming denied...
%%
Flaming Heterosexual
%%
Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs
%%
Flannister:  The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack together.
%%
Flappity, floppity, flip
The mouse on the Mobius strip;
The strip revolved,
The mouse dissolved
In a chronodimensional skip.
%%
:flap: vt. 1. To unload a DECtape (so it goes flap, flap,
   flap...).  Old-time hackers at MIT tell of the days when the
   disk was device 0 and {microtape}s were 1, 2,... and
   attempting to flap device 0 would instead start a motor banging
   inside a cabinet near the disk.  2. By extension, to unload any
   magnetic tape.  See also {macrotape}.  Modern cartridge tapes no
   longer actually flap, but the usage has remained.  (The term could
   well be re-applied to DEC's TK50 cartridge tape drive, a
   spectacularly misengineered contraption which makes a loud flapping
   sound, almost like an old reel-type lawnmower, in one of its many
   tape-eating failure modes.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:flarp: /flarp/ [Rutgers University] n. Yet another {metasyntactic
   variable} (see {foo}).  Among those who use it, it is associated
   with a legend that any program not containing the word `flarp'
   somewhere will not work.  The legend is discreetly silent on the
   reliability of programs which *do* contain the magic word.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FLASH: 1000 wigs stolen in Miami!  Police combing city...
%%
FLASH!  Elvis + Hitler seen dancing at local club!!
%%
Flash!! Energizer Bunny force fed Kaopectate, finally stops going...
%%
Flash: FDA outlaws new addictive substance--air...
%%
FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at...uh, when
 the little hand is on the....
%%
FLASH!  Jeremy Mullins seen swinging across town with Catwoman
%%
Flash!  Kodak monopolizes convenience store!  Film at 7-11
%%
Flashlight:  Device used to store dead batteries.
%%
Flashlight (n.) a tin can for carrying dead batteries.
%%
FLASH!: Rush Limbaugh denies being gay!
%%
Flashs in the pan: Pet Rock, Mort Downey Jr, Rush Limbaugh
%%
:flat: adj. 1. Lacking any complex internal structure.  "That
   {bitty box} has only a flat filesystem, not a hierarchical
   one."  The verb form is {flatten}.  2. Said of a memory
   architecture (like that of the VAX or 680x0) that is one big linear
   address space (typically with each possible value of a processor
   register corresponding to a unique core address), as opposed to a
   `segmented' architecture (like that of the 80x86) in which
   addresses are composed from a base-register/offset pair (segmented
   designs are generally considered {cretinous}).

   Note that sense 1 (at least with respect to filesystems) is usually
   used pejoratively, while sense 2 is a {Good Thing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:flat-ASCII: adj. Said of a text file that contains only 7-bit
   ASCII characters and uses only ASCII-standard control characters
   (that is, has no embedded codes specific to a particular text
   formatter markup language, or output device, and no
   {meta}-characters).  Syn. {plain-ASCII}.  Compare
   {flat-file}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flat burglary as ever was committed.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
:flat-file: adj. A {flatten}ed representation of some database or
   tree or network structure as a single file from which the
   structure could implicitly be rebuilt, esp. one in {flat-ASCII}
   form.  See also {sharchive}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flat Mars Society
%%
Flat out, like a lizard drinking.
%%
:flatten: vt. To remove structural information, esp. to filter
   something with an implicit tree structure into a simple sequence of
   leaves; also tends to imply mapping to {flat-ASCII}.  "This code
   flattens an expression with parentheses into an equivalent
   {canonical} form."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flattery: Cologne water, to smell but not swallow.
%%
Flattery is all right -- if you don't inhale.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
Flattery is alright - if you don't inhale.
%%
Flattery is a sort of bad money, to which our vanity gives currency.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
"Flattery is like chewing gum - enjoy it, but don't swallow it."
 -- Mrs. Wilson, "Dennis The Menace"
%%
Flattery will get you everywhere! Keep talkin'.
%%
FLAUTISTS blow crosswise
%%
:flavorful: adj. Full of {flavor} (sense 2); esthetically pleasing.  See
   {random} and {losing} for antonyms.  See also the entries for
   {taste} and {elegant}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:flavor: n. 1. Variety, type, kind.  "DDT commands come in two
   flavors."  "These lights come in two flavors, big red ones and
   small green ones."  See {vanilla}.  2. The attribute that causes
   something to be {flavorful}.  Usually used in the phrase "yields
   additional flavor".  "This convention yields additional flavor by
   allowing one to print text either right-side-up or upside-down."
   See {vanilla}.  This usage was certainly reinforced by the
   terminology of quantum chromodynamics, in which quarks (the
   constituents of, e.g., protons) come in six flavors (up, down,
   strange, charm, top, bottom) and three colors (red, blue, green)
 -- -- however, hackish use of `flavor' at MIT predated QCD.  3. The
   term for `class' (in the object-oriented sense) in the LISP Machine
   Flavors system.  Though the Flavors design has been superseded
   (notably by the Common LISP CLOS facility), the term `flavor' is
   still used as a general synonym for `class' by some LISP hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flawed to perfection.
%%
FLD: FLing Disk
%%
Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressperson can.
%%
Fled
Murmuring, and with him fled the shades of night.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 1014
%%
Flee at once, all is discovered.
%%
FLESH, n.  The Second Person of the secular Trinity.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Flesh of thy flesh, nor yet bone of thy bone.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Fourth Day, Book ii
%%
Flexibility is one of the cornerstones of program budgeting.
%%
Flextime:   Starting a 10+ hour day up to an hour early (on a regular,
 scheduled basis with the approval of an immediate supervisor).
 -- A Ferranti International Controls volunteer
%%
Flick Lives! (my wife told me to use this...)
%%
Fliegende Kinderscheisse!
%%
Flies Are Not Allowed In The Soup Without Permission
%%
Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.
%%
FLI: Flash Lights Impressively
%%
Flight 666 now boarding at gate 13.
%%
Flight Reservation systems decide whether or not you exist. If your information
 isn't in their database, then you simply don't get to go anywhere.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
Flinch not, neither give up nor despair, if the achieving of every
act in accordance with right principle is not always continuous with
thee.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, v, 9
%%
Fling but a stone, the giant dies.
 -- Matthew Green (1696-1737)
 -- The Spleen, Line 93
%%
"Flint Paper is insane.  I really respect that."
 -- "Sam and Max", Freelance Police
%%
Flintstone's Chewables aren't new! Fred ate Wilma in BedRock!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables aren't new! Fred ate Wilma in the StoneAge!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables aren't new! Fred ate Wilma when he grew up!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables: BedRock's answer to "honey,I've got a headache"
%%
Flintstone's Chewables: Just another name for Fred's secretary, Sharon.
%%
Flintstone's Chewables; New? Does Jurassic Park has an ADULT area 4 You!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables; New? Nah, Bam-Bam ate Pebbles, don'tcha know?!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables; New? Nah, Barney ate Pebbles and got 5 to 10!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables; New? Nah, Dino CHOMPED Barney in the StoneAge!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables; New? Nah, Fred & Wilma did it in BedRock!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables: New? Nah, why'dya think they called it BedRock?
%%
Flintstone's Chewables: The answer to Stone Age foreplay!
%%
Flintstone's Chewables: What Wilma used when she met Sharon Stone!
%%
Flip flop (n.): 1) beach sandal; 2) Clinton governmental strategy.
%%
Flip power switch to continue...
%%
:flippy: /flip'ee/ n. A single-sided floppy disk altered for
   double-sided use by addition of a second write-notch, so called
   because it must be flipped over for the second side to be
   accessible.  No longer common.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flips and Tumbles: Jim Nastics
%%
Flirtation - attention without intention.
%%
Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself.
%%
Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
Flirting with the Moderator is ALWAYS HUMOROUS.
%%
Flixtipix make flossing the cat fun!
%%
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
 -- Drew Bundini Brown
%%
Flocks of pigeons! There will always be an England!
%%
Flogging in the Army: Corporal Punishment
%%
Floggings will continue until morale improves.
 -- anonymous flyer being distributed at Exxon USA
%%
flog spelled backward is golf, and viceversa.
 -- Flog's law
%%
:flood: [IRC] v. To dump large amounts of text onto an {IRC}
   channel.  This is especially rude when the text is uninteresting
   and the other users are trying to carry on a serious conversation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flood's bad when the kids get to class in a yellow school boat.
%%
Flood's bad when you catch a 12 pound bass in your upstairs bedroom.
%%
Flood's bad when you dial 911 and the U.S. Coast Guard answers.
%%
Flood's bad when your antenna serves as a channel marker.
%%
Flood's bad when your basement develops barnacles.
%%
Flopcorn:  The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the cooker.
%%
Floppy disk - A disk that flops
%%
Floppy Disk = Lower back trouble.
%%
FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine.
%%
Floppy Joe: Home Computer Addict
%%
FLOPPY JOES: Home computer addicts
%%
Floppy not responding. Can you kiss it and make it well?
%%
Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N)
%%
Floppy not responding, format Sysop instead?
%%
Floppy not responding--formatting HDD!
%%
Floppy now, hard later.
%%
Floppy: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due
 to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food. (See Chips).
%%
FLOP, v.  Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another
party.  The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus,
who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our
partisan journals.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Florence of Arabia -- feminist camelmanship.
%%
Florida: Come on vacation, leave on probation
%%
Florida full -- try Alabama.
 -- Sign seen along I-10
%%
Florida is the only state to outlaw bungee jumping.
%%
Florida rental car special: A free bullet-proof vest with each car.
%%
Floridium: Natrium lover.
%%
Flotion: tendency to undulate in a waterbed everytime someone moves.
%%
flowchart, n. & v.:
   [From flow to ripple down in rich profusion, as hair + chart
a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated.]
1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni construction
problems in which given algorithms require geometrical representation
using only the 35 basic ideograms of the ANSI template.      2. n. Neronic
doodling while the system burns.  3. n. A low-cost substitute for
wallpaper.  4. n.  The innumerate misleading the illiterate.  A
thousand pictures is worth ten lines of code. -- The Programmer's
Little Red Vade Mecum, Mao Tse T'umps.    5. v.intrans. To produce
flowcharts with no particular object in mind.  6. v.trans. To obfuscate
(a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
 -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, The Devil's DP Dictionary
%%
:flowchart:: [techspeak] n. An archaic form of visual control-flow
   specification employing arrows and `speech balloons' of various
   shapes.  Hackers never use flowcharts, consider them extremely
   silly, and associate them with {COBOL} programmers, {card
   walloper}s, and other lower forms of life.  This attitude follows
   from the observations that flowcharts (at least from a hacker's
   point of view) are no easier to read than code, are less precise,
   and tend to fall out of sync with the code (so that they either
   obfuscate it rather than explaining it, or require extra
   maintenance effort that doesn't improve the code).  See also
   {pdl}, sense 3.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flower People don't you cry; it's not too late.
 -- Spinal Tap
%%
Flower Power rules, bouquet.
%%
Flowers are like the pleasures of the world.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Flowers, is there a 'John Luck Pikkerd' here?
 -- Q
%%
Flowers of all hue, and without thorn the rose.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 256
%%
Flowers worthy of paradise.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 241
%%
Flowery oratory he despised. He ascribed to the interested views of
themselves or their relatives the declarations of pretended patriots,
of whom he said, "All those men have their price."
 -- Sir Robert Walpole (1676-1745)
 -- Coxe: Memoirs of Walpole, Vol. iv, p. 369
%%
Flow gently, sweet Afton, among thy green braes;
Flow gently, I 'll sing thee a song in thy praise.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Flow gently, sweet Afton
%%
FLR: Flash Lights Randomly
%%
fluke, snow: unexpected happening on a glacier.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
FLUSH the incumbents, restore citizen government.
%%
Flush twice... It's a long way to the replicator.
%%
 Flush twice - this has to go all the way to the cafeteria!
 -- Toilet graffiti
%%
:flush: v. 1. To delete something, usually superfluous, or to abort
   an operation.  "All that nonsense has been flushed."  2. [UNIX/C]
   To force buffered I/O to disk, as with an `fflush(3)' call.
   This is *not* an abort or deletion as in sense 1, but a
   demand for early completion!  3. To leave at the end of a day's
   work (as opposed to leaving for a meal).  "I'm going to flush
   now."  "Time to flush."  4. To exclude someone from an activity,
   or to ignore a person.

   `Flush' was standard ITS terminology for aborting an output
   operation; one spoke of the text that would have been printed, but
   was not, as having been flushed.  It is speculated that this term
   arose from a vivid image of flushing unwanted characters by hosing
   down the internal output buffer, washing the characters away before
   they could be printed.  The UNIX/C usage, on the other hand, was
   propagated by the `fflush(3)' call in C's standard I/O library
   (though it is reported to have been in use among BLISS programmers
   at DEC and on Honeywell and IBM machines as far back as 1965).
   UNIX/C hackers find the ITS usage confusing, and vice versa.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Flux capacitor + DeLorian = ?
%%
Fly By Nighters often hit tall buildings.
%%
Fly, dotard, fly!
With thy wise dreams and fables of the sky.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book ii, Line 207
%%
Flyers do it in the air.
%%
Flyers do it on top, upside down, or rolling.
%%
Flying is the second greatest experience known to man.  Landing is the first.
%%
Flying/landing on one engine.
%%
Flying saucers on occasion
Show themselves to human eyes.
Aliens fume, put off invasion
While they brand these tales as lies.
%%
Flying saucers, time machines, they're all the same.
%%
Flying turtles are real, they just don't show up on radar.
%%
Fly, like a youthful hart or roe,
Over the hills where spices grow.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Hymns and Spiritual Songs, Book i, Hymn 79
%%
Fly me I'm your friendly Portuguese airline.
 -- Renee Russo in Lethal Weapon 3
%%
Fly not yet; 't is just the hour
When pleasure, like the midnight flower
That scorns the eye of vulgar light,
Begins to bloom for sons of night
  And maids who love the moon.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Fly not yet
%%
:flypage: /fli:'payj/ n. (alt. `fly page') A {banner}, sense
   1.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Flyspeck 3: n. Standard name for any font that is so tiny as to be
   unreadable (by analogy with names like `Helvetica 10' for
   10-point Helvetica).  Legal boilerplate is usually printed in
   Flyspeck 3.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fly U.S.Air. Find out if there really is a God.
%%
    F = MA;
    Things fall down;
    You can't push a rope.
 -- The three laws of physics
%%
FM Disc Jockeys do it in stereo, and with high fidelity.
%%
:FM: /F-M/ n. *Not* `Frequency Modulation' but rather an
   abbreviation for `Fucking Manual', the back-formation from
   {RTFM}. Used to refer to the manual itself in the {RTFM}.
   "Have you seen the Networking FM lately?"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FM: Forget Memory
%%
- FM - Friendly missile - one of ours. The Allies now have friendly missiles
          fired from planes and ships pounding the Iraqi forces continuously.
          Friendly missiles are identified by a big smiling face painted on
          the warhead. Damage as a result of friendly missiles will now be
          known as "friendly damage", and the explosives inside the warhead
          are known as "friendly explosives."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
FMP: Finish My Program
%%
%FMS-F-SALBLKSCR, blank screen will be replaced by a salamander in heat.
%%
%FMS-F-SCRNCLOUDY, no work done on partly sunny days.
%%
Fnord?
%%
:fnord: [from the "Illuminatus Trilogy"] n. 1. A word used in
   email and news postings to tag utterances as surrealist mind-play
   or humor, esp. in connection with {Discordianism} and elaborate
   conspiracy theories.  "I heard that David Koresh is sharing an
   apartment in Argentina with Hitler. (Fnord.)" "Where can I fnord
   get the Principia Discordia from?"  2. A {metasyntactic variable},
   commonly used by hackers with ties to {Discordianism} or the
   {Church of the SubGenius}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fnord is the second spoon in your Whizz Fizz.
%%
FOA - Ferret Owners Anoymous
%%
:FOAF: // [USENET] n. Acronym for `Friend Of A Friend'.  The
   source of an unverified, possibly untrue story.  This term was not
   originated by hackers (it is used in Jan Brunvand's books on urban
   folklore), but is much better recognized on USENET and elsewhere
   than in mainstream English.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Foat Wuth...I Luv Yew!!!
%%
FOB: Falling off Branch
%%
Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Focus may be powerful... but you'd better be strong of heart
 before you develop a serious relationship.
%%
Focus on the Couple, on the Issue, for _both_ sexes.
%%
Focus On the Family; "McCulture" at its very best!
%%
:FOD: /fod/ v. [Abbreviation for `Finger of Death', originally a
   spell-name from fantasy gaming] To terminate with extreme prejudice
   and with no regard for other people.  From {MUD}s where the
   wizard command `FOD <player>' results in the immediate and total
   death of <player>, usually as punishment for obnoxious behavior.
   This usage migrated to other circumstances, such as "I'm going to fod
   the process that is burning all the cycles."  Compare {gun}.

   In aviation, FOD means Foreign Object Damage, e.g., what happens
   when a jet engine sucks up a rock on the runway or a bird in
   flight.  Finger of Death is a distressingly apt description of
   what this generally does to the engine.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Foecal Matters and Their Application to Agriculture.
 -- England's True Wealth
%%
Fog is an extremist.
%%
Fog Lamps, n.:
        Excessively (often obnoxiously) bright lamps mounted on the
fronts of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
driver's brain is in a fog.

See also Idiot Lights.
%%
Fog: the air apparent.
%%
Fold and tear here. Tape closed before mailing. ---
%%
Fold back the Omega configuration.
 -- Tom Baker's Doctor, LOGOPOLIS
%%
Folds ace plus red jack hand when playing blackjack.
%%
Folks, buy Guzzler's gin, a nice smooth drink! With Guzzler's, you don't
 need a chaser. Nothing can catch you!
 -- Red Skelton
%%
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream.
About me, about you. About the way our American hearts
beat way down in the bottom of our chests. About that
special feeling we get in the cockles of our heart.
Maybe below our cockles. Maybe in the sub-cockle
region. Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
maybe even in the colon. We don't know.
 -- Denis Leary, "Asshole"
%%
Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
%%
Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in
 his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires popped,
 and the shocks broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it bounced clean
 over the moon, but whoever says that is a goddamn liar.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Folks who like Macs usually got a deep discount.
%%
Follow each decision as closely as possible with its associated action.
%%
Followed by the explosive harpoon
%%
Following some strange impulse, you raise the Sceptre....
You hear a magical fanfare, repeated three times.
A mysterious voice mutters peevishly....
So what do you want now? A medal?
%%
Following the Vatican declaration that women cannot become priests because
 they do not resemble Christ, sources report that Colonel Sanders has
 declared that he will not employ anyone who doesn't resemble a chicken.
 -- Jane Curtin
%%
Follow like sheep and you'll be fleeced. (Proof: Rush Limbaugh)
%%
Follow love and it will flee,
Flee love and it will follow thee.
 -- John Gay
%%
Follow me, the tagline vault is this way.
%%
Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it.
%%
Follow the yellow rubber line ...
%%
:followup: n. On USENET, a {posting} generated in response to
   another posting (as opposed to a {reply}, which goes by email
   rather than being broadcast).  Followups include the ID of the
   {parent message} in their headers; smart news-readers can use
   this information to present USENET news in `conversation' sequence
   rather than order-of-arrival.  See {thread}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares
%%
Follow your bliss.
 -- Joseph Campbell
%%
Folly loves the martyrdom of fame.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Monody on the Death of Sheridan, Line 68
%%
FOLLY, n.  That "gift and faculty divine" whose creative and
controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns
his life.

    Folly! although Erasmus praised thee once
        In a thick volume, and all authors known,
        If not thy glory yet thy power have shown,
    Deign to take homage from thy son who hunts
    Through all thy maze his brothers, fool and dunce,
        To mend their lives and to sustain his own,
        However feebly be his arrows thrown,

    Howe'er each hide the flying weapons blunts.
    All-Father Folly! be it mine to raise,
        With lusty lung, here on his western strand
        With all thine offspring thronged from every land,
    Thyself inspiring me, the song of praise.
    And if too weak, I'll hire, to help me bawl,
    Dick Watson Gilder, gravest of us all.
                                                     Aramis Loto Frope
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Font Hinting:  "Pssst... try my 12 pt. Garamond Bold."
%%
:fontology: [XEROX PARC] n. The body of knowledge dealing with the
   construction and use of new fonts (e.g., for window systems and
   typesetting software).  It has been said that fontology
   recapitulates file-ogeny.

   [Unfortunately, this reference to the embryological dictum that
   "Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny" is not merely a joke.  On the
   Macintosh, for example, System 7 has to go through contortions to
   compensate for an earlier design error that created a whole
   different set of abstractions for fonts parallel to `files' and
   `folders' --- ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fonts and Typefaces: The more the merrier!
%%
Foo
%%
FOO 1. [from the Yiddish 'feh' or Anglo-Saxon 'fooey'] interj.
Term of disgust. 2. [from FUBAR, WWII acronym, often seen as FOOBAR] Name
used for temporary programs, or as arbitrary names. Other similar words are
BAR, BAZ, and RAG. These have been used in Pogo as well. 3. A sample name
for just about anything. (The old 'Smokey Stover' comic strips often included
the word FOO, particularly on license plates of cars.)
%%
:foobar: n. Another common {metasyntactic variable}; see {foo}.
   Hackers do *not* generally use this to mean {FUBAR} in
   either the slang or jargon sense.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
foobar.
 -- WinError #50
%%
Food .... a wonderful thing to waist!
%%
:Food:

Ethnic.  Spicy.  Oriental, esp. Chinese and most esp. Szechuan, Hunan,
and Mandarin (hackers consider Cantonese vaguely d'eclass'e).  Hackers
prefer the exotic; for example, the Japanese-food fans among them will
eat with gusto such delicacies as fugu (poisonous pufferfish) and
whale.  Thai food has experienced flurries of popularity.  Where
available, high-quality Jewish delicatessen food is much esteemed.  A
visible minority of Southwestern and Pacific Coast hackers prefers
Mexican.

For those all-night hacks, pizza and microwaved burritos are big.
Interestingly, though the mainstream culture has tended to think of
hackers as incorrigible junk-food junkies, many have at least mildly
health-foodist attitudes and are fairly discriminating about what they
eat.  This may be generational; anecdotal evidence suggests that the
stereotype was more on the mark 10--15 years ago.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Food for powder, food for powder; they 'll fill a pit as well as better.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.
 -- Walt Kelly, Putluck Pogo
%%
Food for Thought:  Would Steven Segal make a good Klingon.
%%
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Food is Basic to Student Diet
 -- Bridgeport (CN) Post 1/18/78
%%
Food is dangerous. Practically everyone who eats it eventually dies.
%%
Food is so expensive, anyone who burps is a liar.
%%
Food: Not just a good idea, an investment in your future.
%%
Foods aren't good or bad. Eating habits are.
%%
Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.
 -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Food will be scarce; you will have to scavenge.  Learn to recognize
foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes, shredded
wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
Food, wonderful food, if it doesn't poison, it fattens!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Fooled you!
%%
FOOLED you!  Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Fool enough people to get elected.
 -- Liberal Rule #12
%%
Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun; it shines everywhere.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
:fool file, the: [USENET] n. A notional repository of all the most
   dramatically and abysmally stupid utterances ever.  An entire
   subgenre of {sig block}s consists of the header "From the fool
   file:" followed by some quote the poster wishes to represent as an
   immortal gem of dimwittery; for this usage to be really effective,
   the quote has to be so obviously wrong as to be laughable.  More
   than one USENETter has achieved an unwanted notoriety by being
   quoted in this way.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Foolish little minds are consistent among hobgoblins.
%%
Foolish man's heart directs him toward the left.
 -- Ecclesiastes 10:2
%%
Fool man climb tree to get cherries; wise man spread limbs.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
FOOL, n.  A person who pervades the domain of intellectual speculation
and diffuses himself through the channels of moral activity.  He is
omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscience, omnipotent.  He it was
who invented letters, printing, the railroad, the steamboat, the
telegraph, the platitude and the circle of the sciences.  He created
patriotism and taught the nations war -- founded theology, philosophy,
law, medicine and Chicago.  He established monarchical and republican
government.  He is from everlasting to everlasting -- such as
creation's dawn beheld he fooleth now.  In the morning of time he sang
upon primitive hills, and in the noonday of existence headed the
procession of being.  His grandmotherly hand was warmly tucked-in the
set sun of civilization, and in the twilight he prepares Man's evening
meal of milk-and-morality and turns down the covers of the universal
grave.  And after the rest of us shall have retired for the night of
eternal oblivion he will sit up to write a history of human
civilization.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:fool: n. As used by hackers, specifically describes a person who
   habitually reasons from obviously or demonstrably incorrect
   premises and cannot be persuaded by evidence to do otherwise; it is
   not generally used in its other senses, i.e., to describe a person
   with a native incapacity to reason correctly, or a clown.  Indeed,
   in hackish experience many fools are capable of reasoning all too
   effectively in executing their errors.  See also {cretin},
   {loser}, {fool file, the}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fool, not to know that love endures no tie,
And Jove but laughs at lovers' perjury.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Palamon and Arcite, Book ii, Line 758
%%
FOOLPROOF OPERATION ........ All parameters are hard coded
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Foolproof operation:  No provision for adjustment.
%%
Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools.
 -- Gene Brown
%%
Fool! said my muse to me, look in thy heart, and write.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Astrophel and Stella, i
%%
Fools and madmen; there seething minds apprehend far
quicker than cool reason could ever comprehend.
 -- A Midsummer Night's Dream.
%%
Fools and their money become popular quickly.
%%
Fools are certain, but wise men hesitate.
%%
Fools have been and always will be the majority of mankind.
%%
Fools!  Idiots!  Don't they realize that they are dealing with forces beyond
 comprehension!
 -- Doctor Science
%%
Fools ignore complexity.  Pragmatists suffer it.
Some can avoid it.  Geniuses remove it.
 -- Perlis's Programming Proverb #58, SIGPLAN Notices, Sept.  1982
%%
Fools make a mock at sin.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiv, 9
%%
Fools make feasts and wise men eat them.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
Fools rush in - and get the best seats.
 -- Wise Fan's Lament
%%
Fools rush in... and listen to Rush Limbaugh!
%%
Fools rush in where fools have been before!
%%
Fools rush in where incumbents fear to tread.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold.
%%
Fools! they know not how much half exceeds the whole.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 40
%%
Fools wander, Wise men travel.
%%
Foot: a politician's pacifier.
%%
Football has as much to do with Education as Bullfighting has to Agriculture.
 -- Veblen
%%
Football is a mistake.  It combines the two worst elements of
American life.  Violence and committee meetings.
 -- George F. Will
%%
Football players are measured by the yard.
%%
Football players do it offensively/defensively.
%%
Football players have odd shaped balls.
%%
Football's a funny game.
%%
Football's a game of 90 minutes.
%%
Football today would certainly not to be the same if it had never existed.
%%
Foot Coverings: Susan Socks
%%
foot jam: offensive accumulation between the toes, caused by wearing the same
socks for several days.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
:footprint: n. 1. The floor or desk area taken up by a piece of
   hardware.  2. [IBM] The audit trail (if any) left by a crashed
   program (often in plural, `footprints').  See also
   {toeprint}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Foot Problems of Big Lumberjacks" by Paul Bunion
%%
FOPC: False Out-of-Paper Condition
%%
For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
%%
For 300 years we have denied the carnal side of our nature. How can
  we learn to put that aside?
Eh, well, you...you you out a young couple together...and...you let
  nature take its course.
 -- Granger and Danilo O'Dell, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
For 40 years I have analyzed stocks and other money markets. Now
I have made a remarkable discovery. The Confederate dollar has risen
in value 7.4 percent a year since 1965. It has outperformed the German
mark, the Japanese yen and the Swiss franc.
 -- Vincent W. Allen
%%
For a bad hangover, take the juice of two quarts of whiskey.
 -- Eddie Condon
%%
For a black man, there's no difference between the North and the South. In
 the South they don't mind how close I get so long as I don't get too big;
 in the North they don't mind how big I get so long as I don't get too
 close.
 -- Dick Gregory
%%
For a bug-free environment do NOT run this program!
%%
For a child, everything is new.
For an older person there are few surprises.
%%
For a community to be whole and healthy, it must be based on people's
love and concern for each other.
 -- Millard Fuller
%%
For a crime this outrageous, we sentence you to two weeks of Barney.
%%
For address, send a SASE to.....
%%
"For a deliciously good time."
 -- Hannibal Lecter Dinner Theatre
%%
For a desperate disease a desperate cure.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. iii, The Custom of the Isle of Cea
%%
For adult education, nothing beats children.
%%
For adult women wishing to marry, the best prospects are in Greenland.
%%
For a fee, I'll sell you names from Santa's list of naughty girls.
%%
For after all what is man in nature?  A nothing in relation to infinity, all
in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all and
infinitely far from understanding either.  The ends of things and their
beginnings are impregnably concealed from him in an impenetrable secret.  He
is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness out of which he was drawn and
the infinite in which he is engulfed.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
For a funny quote, call back late.
%%
"For a girl, she's remarkably perceptive."
 -- CALVIN AND HOBBES
%%
For a good poet 's made as well as born.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- To the Memory of Shakespeare
%%
For a good prime, call: 391581 * 2^216193 - 1
%%
For a good time, call 1-800-3IBMOS2
%%
For a good time, call 1-900-410-8463.
%%
For a good time, call 1-900-SEX-HARASS ($2.95 per minute)
%%
For a good time, call (408) 555-1212.
%%
For a good time, call (415) 642-9483
%%
For a good time, call 867-5309, ask for Betty.
%%
For a good time, call Jenny 867-5309.
%%
For a good time, call Mr Reagan 1-800-DUH-WHAT.
%%
 For a good time - Email mac100s@oduvm
 -- In the computer center mens bathroom
%%
For a good time, type FORMAT C:
%%
For a guy, Dan's remarkably perceptive.
%%
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
%%
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality
of life, please press 3.
 -- Alice Kahn
%%
For all knowledge and wonder (which is the seed of knowledge)
is an impression of pleasure in itself.
 -- Francis Bacon in Advancement of Learning, I.i.3
%%
[...] For all our conceits about being the center of the universe, we live in
a routine planet of a humdrum star stuck away in an obscure corner [...] on an
unexceptional galaxy which is one of about 100 billion galaxies. [...] That is
the fundamental fact of the universe we inhabit, and it is very good for us to
understand that.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
For all parts of the body that we see fit to expose to the wind and air are
found fit to endure it: face, feet, hands, legs, shoulders, head, according
as custom invites us. For if there is a part of us that is tender and that
seems as though it should fear the cold, it should be the stomach, where
digestion takes place; our fathers left it uncovered, and our ladies, soft
and delicate as they are, sometimes go half bare down to the navel.
 -- Montaigne, "Apology for Raymond Sebonde"
%%
For all that faire is, is by nature good;
That is a signe to know the gentle blood.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- An Hymne in Honour of Beautie, Line 139
%%
For all that Nature by her mother-wit
Could frame in earth.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book iv, Canto x, St. 21
%%
For all we know
Of what the blessed do above
Is, that they sing, and that they love.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- While I listen to thy Voice
%%
For all you do ... this BUP's for you ...
%%
For all you do ... this line's for you ...
%%
For all you do ... this SCUD's for you ...
%%
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin --
real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way.  Something
to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be
served, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned
on me that these obstacles were my life.
 -- Fr. Alfred D'Souza
%%
"For a long time then, I reflected on this confusion in the astronomical
traditions concerning the derivation of the motions of the universe's
spheres.  I began to be annoyed that the movements of the world machine,
created for our sake by the best and most systematic Artisan of all,
were not understood with greater certainty by the philosophers, who
otherwise examined so precisely the most insignificant trifles of
this world.  For this reason I undertook the task of rereading the
works of all the philosophers which I could obtain to learn whether
anyone had ever proposed other motions of the universe's spheres than
those expounded by the teachers of astronomy in the schools.  And
in fact I found in Cicero that Hicetas supposed the earth to move.
 Later I also discovered in Plutarch that certain others were of this
opinion.  ...Therefore, having obtained the opportunity from these
sources, I too began to consider the mobility of the earth."
 -- Nicholas Copernicus,
 -- Letter to Pope Paul III:  Preface to De Revolutionibus, 1543
%%
For a lumber company employing two men and a cut-off saw, the
marginal product of labor for any number of additional workers
equals zero until the acquisition of another cut-off saw.
Let's not even consider a chainsaw.
 -- Mike's Law
[You could always schedule the saw, though - ed.]
 -- Mike Dennison
%%
For a male and female to live continuously together
 is... biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural
 condition.
 -- Robert Briffault
%%
For a man can lose neither the past nor the future; for how can one
take from him that which is not his? So remember these two points:
first, that each thing is of like form from everlasting and comes
round again in its cycle, and that it signifies not whether a man
shall look upon the same things for a hundred years or two hundred,
or for an infinity of time; second, that the longest lived and the
shortest lived man, when they come to die, lose one and the same thing.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 14
%%
For a man's house is his castle, et domus sua cuique tutissimum refugium.
 -- Sir Edward Coke (1549-1634)
 -- Third Institute, Page 162
%%
For a man to achieve all that is demanded
of him he must regard himself as greater than he is.
 -- Johann von Goethe
%%
For a man to pretend to understand women is bad manners;
for him really to understand them is bad morals.
 -- Henry James
%%
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
%%
"For a moment, nothing happened.
Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
For an adequate time, call 555-6529
%%
For a NATURAL HIGH, eat a chocolate bar!!!
%%
For angling-rod he took a sturdy oake;
For line, a cable that in storm ne'er broke;
His hooke was such as heads the end of pole
To pluck down house ere fire consumes it whole;
The hook was baited with a dragon's tale,--
And then on rock he stood to bob for whale.
 -- Sir William Davenant (1605-1668)
 -- Britannia Triumphans, Page 15, 1637
%%
For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be
always old-fashioned.
%%
For a nun buying clothes may be habit-forming.
%%
For any remedy there is a misery.
%%
For a people who are free, and who mean to remain so,
a well organized and armed milita is their best security.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, 1808
%%
For a photographer, life us just a bed of poses.
%%
:fora: pl.n. Plural of {forum}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
%%
For Art may err, but Nature cannot miss.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Cock and the Fox, Line 452
%%
For as lack of adornment is said to become some women, so this subtle
oration, though without embellishment, gives delight.
 -- Cicero (106-43 BC)
 -- De Oratore, 78
%%
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
%%
For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public
 relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.
 -- Richard Feynman
%%
For as we all know, God made Man in his own image. It'd be a sad
  lookout for Christians throughout the globe if God looked anything
  like _you_, Baldrick.
 -- Edmund to Baldrick : Bells
%%
"For a tasteful evening."
 -- Hannibal Lecter Dinner Theatre
%%
For a' that, and a' that,
And twice as muckle 's a' that.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Jolly Beggars
%%
For a' that and a' that
It's comin' yet - for a' that
That man to man, the warld o'er
Shall brithers be for a' that!
 -- Robert Burns 1759-1796
%%
For a time Jack was angry; but when he had been without the jacket for a
short while he began to realize that being half-clothed is infinitely more
uncomfortable than being entirely naked. Soon he did not miss his clothing
in the least, and from that he came to revel in the freedom of his
unhampered state.
 -- Edgar Rice Burroughs, The Son of Tarzan
%%
For at the end of history lies the undiscovered country.
%%
For aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
For a while I didn't have a car...I had a helicopter...no place to park it, so
 I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...[slow glance upward]
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Forbade to wade through slaughter to a throne,
  And shut the gates of mercy on mankind.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 17
%%
Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
For best results, squeeze from the bottom of the tube.
%%
For better luck, you'll have to wait until fall.
%%
For better luck, you'll have to wait until Friday.
%%
For better luck, you'll have to wait until spring.
%%
For better luck, you'll have to wait until summer.
%%
For better luck, you'll have to wait until winter.
%%
For birth control, I rely on my personality.
 -- Milt Abel
%%
For blessings ever wait on virtuous deeds,
And though a late, a sure reward succeeds.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- The Mourning Bride, Act v, Sc. 12
%%
For BOTH sexes, abuse derives from powerlessness, not power.
%%
For Brutus is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Force has no place where there is need of skill.
%%
FORCE, n.
    "Force is but might," the teacher said --
        "That definition's just."
    The boy said naught but through instead,
    Remembering his pounded head:
        "Force is not might but must!"
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
FORCEPS: Giant baby tweezers.
%%
Force yourself to relax.
%%
For Computer Programmers who want to read the Bible. Yours opens with the
 first sentence of the first book. "In the beginning, God was unformatted,"
 and then it goes on!
%%
For contemplation he and valour form'd,
For softness she and sweet attractive grace;
He for God only, she for God in him.
His fair large front and eye sublime declar'd
Absolute rule; and hyacinthine locks
Round from his parted forelock manly hung
Clustering, but not beneath his shoulders broad.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 297
%%
For courage mounteth with occasion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
For crying out loud, the poor thing is already dead!
%%
For customer assistance, dial 1-800-IAM-DUMB.
%%
Ford and Arthur on Vogon poetry:
"I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was really particularly
effective.  And er ... interesting rhythmic devices too, which seemed to
counterpoint the ... er ... er ..."
"counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the ... er ..."
"... humanity of the ..."
"Vogonity."
"Ah yes, Vogonity (sorry) of the poet's compassionate soul, which contrives
through the medium of the verse structure to sublimate this, transcend that,
and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other, and one is
left with a profound and vivid insight into ... into ... er ..."
"Into whatever it was the poem was about!"
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
FORD ...and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks.  I kept
myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Ford: (backwards)       Driver Returns On Foot
%%
For dear to gods and men is sacred song.
Self-taught I sing; by Heaven, and Heaven alone,
The genuine seeds of poesy are sown.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xxii, Line 382
%%
"...for DEATH awaits you all, with nasty sharp
 pointy teeth!"
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
For Dessert? I'll take a piece of cherry 3.14159!
%%
Ford: F*cked on Race Day
%%
Ford: F*cking Old, Retarded Drivers
%%
Ford: F*cking Over-Rated Disaster
%%
Ford: F*ckin' Out-Right Dangerous
%%
Ford: F*ckin Owner Real Dumb!!
%%
Ford: First on race day
%%
Ford: First On Recall Day
%%
FORD: Fix Often, Repair Daily
%%
Ford: Fix Or Repair Daily
%%
Ford: F**ked over rebuilt Dodge
%%
Ford: F**ker Only Runs Downhill
%%
Ford: Flip Over Read Directions
%%
Ford: For Old Retired Dudes
%%
Ford: Found on road dead
%%
FORD: Found On Roadside Dump
%%
Ford: Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto's
%%
For dieters, a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
%%
For discussion only. Not to be relied upon.
%%
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days.  If he has not recovered,
then kill it.
%%
For drames always go by conthraries, my dear.
 -- Samuel Lover (1797-1868)
 -- Rory O'More
%%
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
artificial perspiration.
%%
FORD: The Heartbreak of today's Chevrolet!
%%
Ford, there's an infinite number of monkeys out here who wish to talk to us
about this script for Hamlet they've worked up.
 -- Arthur Dent
%%
Ford used to have a better idea; now they don't have a clue.
%%
For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis iii, 19
%%
Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.
%%
For each time you say the phrases "touch base," "networking," or
"bottom line," you will spend one month in hell.
%%
For ease and speed in doing a thing do not give the work lasting solidity
or exactness of beauty.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Pericles
%%
FOREFINGER, n.  The finger commonly used in pointing out two
malefactors.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:foreground: [UNIX] vt. To bring a task to the top of one's
   {stack} for immediate processing, and hackers often use it in
   this sense for non-computer tasks. "If your presentation is due
   next week, I guess I'd better foreground writing up the design
   document."

   Technically, on a time-sharing system, a task executing in
   foreground is one able to accept input from and return output to
   the user; oppose {background}.  Nowadays this term is primarily
   associated with {{UNIX}}, but it appears first to have been used
   in this sense on OS/360.  Normally, there is only one foreground
   task per terminal (or terminal window); having multiple processes
   simultaneously reading the keyboard is a good way to {lose}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Forehead on keyboard to format drive C: and wreck keyboard.
%%
Foreign Aid - taxing poor people in rich countries
for the benefit of rich people in poor countries.
 -- Bernard Rosenberg
%%
Forenoon, n. The latter part of the night.  Vulgar.
%%
Forensic Scientists always know who's been there!
%%
FOREORDINATION, n.  This looks like an easy word to define, but when I
consider that pious and learned theologians have spent long lives in
explaining it, and written libraries to explain their explanations;
when I remember the nations have been divided and bloody battles
caused by the difference between foreordination and predestination,
and that millions of treasure have been expended in the effort to
prove and disprove its compatibility with freedom of the will and the
efficacy of prayer, praise, and a religious life, -- recalling these
awful facts in the history of the word, I stand appalled before the
mighty problem of its signification, abase my spiritual eyes, fearing
to contemplate its portentous magnitude, reverently uncover and humbly
refer it to His Eminence Cardinal Gibbons and His Grace Bishop Potter.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"'Foreshadowing' -- your clue to quality literature."
 -- Berkeley Breathed, "Bloom County"
%%
FORESTERS do it in trees
%%
Forest Lawn is like a Disneyland for shut-ins.
 -- Jack Paar
%%
For ever and a day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius!
If we do meet again, why, we shall smile;
If not, why then this parting was well made.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Forever, Fortune, wilt thou prove
An unrelenting foe to love;
And when we meet a mutual heart,
Come in between and bid us part?
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- Song
%%
Forever honour'd, and forever mourn'd.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 422
%%
For ever singing as they shine,
The hand that made us is divine.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Ode
%%
 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
 -- Harrison's Postulate
%%
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism in both camps.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #40
%%
 For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
 -- Main's Law
%%
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
%%
For every bug fixed, there is a bigger bug not yet discovered.
%%
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
 -- Richard Clopton
%%
For every dollar a man makes
A woman makes 63 cents
Now, fifty years ago that was 62 cents,
So, with any kind of luck, it'll be the year 3,888
Before we make a buck
 -- Laurie Anderson
%%
For every fault you find, two more are created.
%%
For every foolproof program, there is a bigger and more dangerous fool who
will bypass the safeguards.
 -- Naeser's Law
%%
For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is
 always wrong
 -- Mencken's Metalaw
%%
For every idiot-proof system
devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
 -- Robb's Law of Technological Evolution
%%
For every inch that is not fool is rogue.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part ii, Line 463
%%
For every minute that you are unhappy,
you lose 60 seconds of happiness.
 -- John Schmitt
%%
For every new foolproof invention there is a new and improved fool.
%%
For every organisation, there is an equal and opposite
reorganisation.
 -- Pickett's First Law of the Company
%%
For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty
 people who don't want to learn--much.
 -- W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman
%%
For every proverb that confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom,
there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it.
 -- Richard Boston
%%
For every soul, you are bound to find a heel.
%%
For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for
everything you gain, you lose something else.
 -- Emerson
%%
For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.
 -- Thal's Law
%%
For every woman murdered, *three* men are murdered.
%%
For evil news rides post, while good news baits.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 1538
%%
Forewarned, forearmed; to be prepared is half the victory.
 -- Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra (1547-1616), Don Quixote (1605-1615)
%%
Forewarned is forearmed.
%%
Forewarned is forearmed; four arms is half an octopus.
%%
For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the
hand instead.
%%
For fate has wove the thread of life with pain,
And twins ev'n from the birth are misery and man!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vii, Line 263
%%
Forfeit everything you have, and join us 'cause you're Powermad!
%%
Forfeit - What animals usually use to stand on, when they stand on more
 than two feet.
%%
For fifteen days I struggled to prove that no functions
analogous to those I have since called Fuchsian functions could
exist; I was then very ignorant.  Every day I sat down at my
work table where I spent an hour or two; I tried a great number
of combinations and arrived at no result.  One evening, contrary
to my custom, I took black coffee; I could not go to sleep;
ideas swarmed up in clouds; I sensed them clashing until, to put
it so, a pair would hook together to form a stable combination.
By morning I had established the existence of a class of
Fuchsian functions, those derived from the hypergeometric series.
I had only to write up the results which took me a few hours.
 -- Henri Poincare,  Science et Methode
%%
For f**ks sake, use a condom!
%%
For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part iii, Line 66
%%
For forms of government let fools contest;
Whate'er is best administer'd is best.
For modes of faith let graceless zealots fight;
His can't be wrong whose life is in the right.
In faith and hope the world will disagree,
But all mankind's concern is charity.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iii, Line 303
%%
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
 -- J.W. Schopf
%%
For fractures:  to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back
and forth.
%%
:for free: adj. Said of a capability of a programming language or
   hardware equipment that is available by its design without needing
   cleverness to implement: "In APL, we get the matrix operations for
   free."  "And owing to the way revisions are stored in this
   system, you get revision trees for free."  The term usually refers
   to a serendipitous feature of doing things a certain way (compare
   {big win}), but it may refer to an intentional but secondary
   feature.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
For freedom's battle, once begun,
Bequeath'd by bleeding sire to son,
Though baffled oft, is ever won.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 123
%%
For full indeed is earth of woes, and full the sea; and in the day
as well as night diseases unbidden haunt mankind, silently bearing
ills to men, for all-wise Zeus hath taken from them their voice. So
utterly impossible is it to escape the will of Zeus.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 101
%%
For fun link /tmp to /dev/null and take the phone off the hook.
 -- SA Tip #654
%%
For further information, consult your pineal gland.
%%
For further information.. send $5.00..NOW!
%%
Forger: a person who gives a check a bad name.
%%
Forgers do it hot.
%%
Forget about the problem of ingrowing toenails.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Forget about the question of just who wears the trousers in your
household.
 -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Forget about your sins!  Give the audience a grin!
%%
Forget computers; it's hard enough getting humans to pass the Turing test.
 -- David Bedno
%%
Forget everything, as one day everything will forget you.
%%
FORGETFULNESS, n.  A gift of God bestowed upon doctors in compensation
for their destitution of conscience.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Forgetful youth! but know, the Power above
With ease can save each object of his love;
Wide as his will extends his boundless grace.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iii, Line 285
%%
Forget goals. Value the process.
 -- Jim Bouton
%%
Forget GUIs! Give me a C:\> and a keyboard.
%%
Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
 -- Confucius
%%
Forget intentions. (The road to Hell is paved with the good ones, I
wonder what the bad ones are used for?)
 -- Jan Wasilewsky
%%
Forget it.
%%
Forget it!  No more beaming!  I'm walking this time!
%%
Forget living well. The best revenge is revenge.
 -- William Hamilton
%%
Forget patience! I'm gonna kill something...
%%
"Forget picking the lock... just kick the door down."
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Forget reading the bulletins, call the SysOp voice!
%%
Forget RTFM - Call The Author At Home! (at 2:45 AM)
%%
Forget the Borg! Give 'em Bill Clinton and AlGore!
%%
Forget the brother, and resume the man.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 732
%%
Forget the Cods, Gill, this guy's going to need a sturgeon!
%%
Forget the computer!  Where's my abacus?
%%
Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS!
%%
Forget the pain and get on with the party!
%%
Forget this sentence!
%%
Forget thyself to marble.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 42
%%
Forget whales, save Jupiter for when Earth is used up.
%%
Forget your enemies. It's your friends you frustrate that cause all
the problems.
 -- Michael J. Tucker
%%
Forget your opponents. Always play against par.
 -- Sam Snead
%%
Forgive and forget, but don't tie up the watch dog just yet.
%%
Forgive and remember.
 -- Professor Block's Motto
%%
Forgive him demon gods from hell, he's a hockey player.
%%
Forgive me father for I have syned.
%%
Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who
think they talk sense.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Forgive me Sin, for I have fathered!
%%
Forgiveness is better than revenge, for forgiveness is the sign of
a gentle nature, but revenge is the sign of a savage nature.
 -- Epictetus
%%
Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.
 -- Hannah Arendt
%%
Forgiveness to the injured does belong;
But they ne'er pardon who have done the wrong.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Conquest of Granada, Part ii, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Forgive the liars, fight the lies.
%%
Forgive thy enemy. They HATE that!
%%
Forgive us for shooting those who trespass against us.
%%
Forgive us, for we know not what we do.  Not that we CARE or anything.
%%
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
 -- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
For gold in phisike is a cordial;
Therefore he loved gold in special.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 445
%%
For good clean fun, shower with a friend.
%%
For good men but see death, the wicked taste it.
 -- Johnson
%%
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
%%
For greatest scandal waits on greatest state.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Lucrece, Line 1306
%%
For great wrong doings there are great punishments
%%
For Grid, for Goofy, and Saint Walt!
%%
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your
throat.
%%
For he being dead, with him is beauty slain,
And, beauty dead, black chaos comes again.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Venus and Adonis, Line 1019
%%
For he is but a bastard to the time
That doth not smack of observation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
For he lives twice who can at once employ
The present well, and e'en the past enjoy.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Imitation of Martial
%%
For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead,
nor to tolerate error so long as reason is left free to combat it.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1801
%%
For her own breakfast she 'll project a scheme,
Nor take her tea without a stratagem.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire vi, Line 190
%%
For himself doth a man work evil in working evils for another.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 265
%%
For him to get a clue would require heroic implant surgery.
%%
For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
%%
For him was lever han at his beddes hed
A twenty bokes, clothed in black or red,
Of Aristotle, and his philosophie,
Than robes riche, or fidel, or sautrie.
But all be that he was a philosophre,
Yet hadde he but litel gold in cofre.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 295
%%
For his bounty,
There was no winter in 't; an autumn 't was
That grew the more by reaping.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
For his chaste Muse employ'd her heaven-taught lyre
None but the noblest passions to inspire,
Not one immoral, one corrupted thought,
One line which, dying, he could wish to blot.
 -- Lord Lyttleton (1709-1773)
 -- Prologue to Thomson's Coriolanus
%%
For hope is but the dream of those that wake.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Solomon on the Vanity of the World, Book iii, Line 102
%%
For how much longer can I howl into this wind?
 -- The Cure "A Thousand Hours"
%%
For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.
 -- A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
%%
For I am nothing, if not critical.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
For I am proverb'd with a grandsire phrase.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
For I dipt into the future,
Far as human eye could see,
Saw the vision of the world,
And all the wonder that would be.
 -- Tennyson
%%
For "ignorance is the mother of devotion," as all the world knows.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
For iii may keep a counsel if twain be away.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Ten Commandments of Love
%%
For I lean on no dead kin, my name in mine for fame or scorn
 And the world began when I was born and the world is mine to win.
 -- Badger Clark
%%
For I'm not so old, and not so plain,
And I'm quite prepared to marry again.
 -- Sir William Schwenck Gilbert (& Sullivan)
%%
For in my youth I never did apply
Hot and rebellious liquors in my blood.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
For in religion as in friendship, they who profess most are ever
the least sincere.
 -- Sheridan
%%
For instance, several years ago we tracked down a twelve-year-old girl who
 was going to have an abortion so that we could talk her out of it.   Talking
 a woman out of having an abortion is not news.  But tracking her down using
 a private detective is.
 -- Joseph Scheidler, Executive Director, Pro Life Action League, Closed:
      99 Ways to Stop Abortion, 1985, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For
      Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
For insurance purposes, an act of God is defined as something which no
 reasonable person could possibly have anticipated. In this same sense,
 Catholic theologians speak of the creation of humanity as an act of God! If
 carried to the logical conclusion, we might even find some sort of reason
 for your ordinary parking meter.
%%
"For I perceive that behind this seemingly unrelated sequence of
 events, there lurks a singular, sinister attitude of mind."
  "Whose?"
"MINE! HA-HA!"
 -- Firesign Theatre, The Giant Rat of Summatra
%%
For I say this is death and the sole death,--
When a man's loss comes to him from his gain,
Darkness from light, from knowledge ignorance,
And lack of love from love made manifest.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Death in the Desert
%%
For it is the doom of men that they forget.
 -- Merlin
%%
"For I too am real.  I am Schmendrick the Magician,
 the last of the red-hot swamis, and I am older
 than I look."
 -- Schmendrick the Magician,
             from Peter S. Beagle's "The Last Unicorn"
%%
For it so falls out
That what we have we prize not to the worth
Whiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost,
Why, then we rack the value; then we find
The virtue that possession would not show us
Whiles it was ours.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
For it was in the golden prime
  Of good Haroun Alraschid.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Recollections of the Arabian Nights
%%
For I, who hold sage Homer's rule the best,
Welcome the coming, speed the going guest.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Satire ii, Book ii, Line 159
%%
:fork bomb: [UNIX] n. A particular species of {wabbit} that can
   be written in one line of C (`main() {for(;;)fork();}') or shell
   (`$0 & $0 &') on any UNIX system, or occasionally created by an
   egregious coding bug.  A fork bomb process `explodes' by
   recursively spawning copies of itself (using the UNIX system call
   `fork(2)').  Eventually it eats all the process table entries
   and effectively wedges the system.  Fortunately, fork bombs are
   relatively easy to spot and kill, so creating one deliberately
   seldom accomplishes more than to bring the just wrath of the gods
   down upon the perpetrator.  See also {logic bomb}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:forked: [UNIX; prob. influenced by a mainstream expletive] adj.
   Terminally slow, or dead.  Originated when one system was slowed to
   a snail's pace by an inadvertent {fork bomb}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FORK, n.  An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead
animals into the mouth.  Formerly the knife was employed for this
purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many
advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether
reject, but use to assist in charging the knife.  The immunity of
these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking
proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
FORK YOU!
%%
For large values of one, one approaches two, for small
values of two.
 -- Murphy's Mathematical Axiom
%%
For life, with all it yields of joy and woe,
And hope and fear (believe the aged friend),
Is just our chance o' the prize of learning love,--
How love might be, hath been indeed, and is.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Death in the Desert
%%
For, lo! the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers
appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and
the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.
 -- Old Testament
 -- The Song of Solomon ii, 11, 12
%%
For love deceives the best of womankind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xv, Line 463
%%
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice
 of lemon to each jar, for freshness.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is
between strangers.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Formal verification
 the construction of an incorrect proof isomorphic
 to an incorrect program
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Formal wedding;  White shotguns...present arms!
%%
For many a day, and many a dreadful night,
Incessant lab'ring round the stormy cape.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 1003
%%
For many are called, but few are chosen.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxii, 14
%%
For many, the declension of life is: I go, you go, ego.
%%
... For many things which go under my name are badly translated from the
German or are invented by other people.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
FORMA PAUPERIS.  [Latin]  In the character of a poor person -- a
method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately
permitted to lose his case.

    When Adam long ago in Cupid's awful court
        (For Cupid ruled ere Adam was invented)
    Sued for Eve's favor, says an ancient law report,
        He stood and pleaded unhabilimented.

    "You sue _in forma pauperis_, I see," Eve cried;
        "Actions can't here be that way prosecuted."
    So all poor Adam's motions coldly were denied:
        He went away -- as he had come -- nonsuited.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Format all 10? But I can only fit 3 in the drive at once!!
%%
Format another (Y/N)?
%%
Format C:[CR]......OOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPSSSS!
%%
FORMAT C: Failed, Transfering Virus to D: ^C^C^C^C
%%
Format C: Kills software bugs dead.
%%
Format Hard Drive: (Y)es, (O)k, (F)ine with me
%%
Formatting of drive A: Failed, trying drive C: instead....
%%
Format: (v.) to erase irrevocably and unintentionally.
%%
FORMAT WILL work on my server! See, don't you feel dumb?!
%%
Format your program to help the reader understand it.
%%
For maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big mistake.
%%
For maximum ease, RoseReader Please!
%%
For May wol have no slogardie a-night.
The seson priketh every gentil herte,
And maketh him out of his slepe to sterte.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Knightes Tale, Line 1044
%%
Form'd by thy converse, happily to steer
From grave to gay, from lively to severe.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 379
%%
For medium number systems, we can expect that
large fluctuations, irregularities, and discrepancy with any theory will
occur more or less regularly. (This is more succinctly expressed by
Murphy: Anything that can happen, will happen.)
 -- The Law of Medium Numbers
%%
For me eroticism must be ugly, the aesthetic always divine,
and death beautiful.
 -- S. Dali
%%
Form emptiness, emptiness form.
%%
For men may come and men may go,
  But I go on forever.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Brook
%%
Former Attorney General Edwin Meese served as a character witness for
 Oliver North during his trial. Jay Leno made the remark that having such a
 witness is much like asking Steve Garvey (a mass killer) to give your wife
 a ride home.
%%
Former Fetus for Choice
%%
Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic
 for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake
 medicine for magic.
 -- Thomas Szasz
%%
"For me the cinema is not a slice of life, but a
 piece of cake."
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
For me, the lame part of the Sixties was the political part, the social
part. The real part was the spiritual part.
 -- Jerry Garcia (1942-1995), Musician, the Greatful Dead
 -- Rolling Stone magazine, (November 30,  1989)
%%
For more information on wasting InterNet resources, send Email to yourself.
%%
For more Star Trek Quotes, get "Star Trek Speaks" by Susan Sackett,
 -- Fred Goldstein and Stan Goldstein, Pocket Books, 1979.
%%
For more than a month the media have been telling us that Bill Clinton and
Al Gore are "moderates."  Well, if they're moderates, I'm a world champion
speller.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle in his acceptance
                   speech during the 1992 Republican National Convention,
                   8/20/92.
%%
For most men life is a search for the proper manilla
envelope in which to get themselves filed.
 -- Clifton Fadiman
%%
For most men (till by losing rendered sager)
Will back their own opinions by a wager.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Beppo, Stanza 27
%%
For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
 -- Virginia Woolf
%%
For most of history, baby-having was in the hands (so to speak) of women.
 Many fine people were born under this system. Things changed in the 1970s.
 The birth rate dropped sharply. Women started going to college and driving
 bulldozers and carrying briefcases and using words like "debenture." They
 didn't have time to have babies ... Then young professional couples began
 to realize that their lives were missing something: a sense of stability,
 of companionship, of responsibility for another life. So they got Labrador
 retrievers. A little later they started having babies again, mainly because
 of the tax advantages.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
%%
FORMULA ONE RACERS come too fast and in laps.
%%
For murder, though it have no tongue, will speak
With most miraculous organ.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
For my name and memory, I leave it to men's charitable speeches, to
foreign nations, and to the next ages.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- From his Will
%%
For my next trick, I'll need a blonde volunteer and a condom.
%%
For my own part, I have never had a though which I could not set down
 in words with even more distinctness than that which I conceived it.
 -- Edgar Allan Poe
%%
"For my own part, regret nothing.  Have lived life,
 free from compromise... and step into the shadow
 now without complaint."
 -- Rorschach takes a rare look backward, from WATCHMEN
%%
For my part, getting up seems not so easy
      By half as lying.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Morning Meditations
%%
For my part I can compare her to nothing but the sun; for, like him,
she takes no rest, nor ever sets in one place by to rise in another.
 -- Dryden
%%
For my part, I had rather be the first man among these fellows than
the second man in Rome.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caesar
%%
For my part, I think that a knowledge of the future would be
a disadvantage.
 -- Cicero, "De Divinatione"
%%
".... For my purpose holds;
To sail beyond the sunset, and the light
Of all the western stars, until I die."
               Tennyson
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
For my purpose holds...
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
 -- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
%%
For my sister's 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
For my son, Robert, this is proving to be the high-point of his entire
life to date.  He has had his pajamas on for two, maybe three days
now.  He has the sense of joyful independence a 5-year-old child gets
when he suddenly realizes that he could be operating an acetylene torch
in the coat closet and neither parent [because of the flu] would have
the strength to object.  He has been foraging for his own food, which
means his diet consists entirely of food substances which are
advertised only on Saturday-morning cartoon shows; substances that are
the color of jukebox lights and that, for legal reasons, have their
names spelled wrong, as in New Creemy Chok-'n'-Cheez Lumps o' Froot
(part of this complete breakfast).
 -- Dave Barry, Molecular Homicide
%%
For my voice, I have lost it with halloing and singing of anthems.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
For NASA, space is still a high priority.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, talking to NASA
                   employees, 9/5/90  (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
For nations that waste their inheritances- even nations that are profligate
-usually do so in ways more subtle than individuals. Bad habits and bad advice
take longer to inflict their damage; nations, too, have their reckonings, but
they can survive many more nights before the hangover.
 -- Michael Scully
%%
For neatness, always draw the curves first, and afterwards plot the data.
 -- Finagle's Third Rule
%%
For never anything can be amiss,
When simpleness and duty tender it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
For never, never, wicked man was wise.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book ii, Line 320
%%
For New Year's, I gave up sex & lying.
%%
For next message hold ALT and CTL and "." on number pad..
%%
Fornication, n.:
Term used by people who don't have anybody to screw with.
%%
For nosebleed:  put the nose much lower than the body.
%%
For no soldiers or sailors, in any of our forces today, would so willingly
endure the rigors of battle if they thought that in another twenty years
their own sons would be fighting still another war on distant deserts or
seas or in far-away jungles or skies.
 -- Franklin Roosevelt
%%
For now the poet cannot die,
  Nor leave his music as of old,
  But round him ere he scarce be cold
Begins the scandal and the cry.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- To ------, after reading a Life and Letters
%%
"For numerical analysis, there are theorems that are true, and theorems
that are REALLY true."
 -- John Dennis (in Upson's Familiar Quotations)
%%
For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
 -- John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- Maud Muller, st. 53
%%
For of fortunes sharpe adversite,
The worst kind of infortune is this,--
A man that hath been in prosperite,
And it remember whan it passed is.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Troilus and Creseide, Book iii, Line 1625
%%
For, O, for, O, the hobby-horse is forgot.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
For of the most High cometh healing.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus xxxviii, 2
%%
For of the soule the bodie forme doth take;
For soule is forme, and doth the bodie make.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- An Hymne in Honour of Beautie, Line 132
%%
For oh! so wildly do I love him That paradise itself were dim And
joyless, if not shared with him.
 -- Moore
%%
For once I'm at a loss for words.  Mark down the date!
%%
For one heat, all know, doth drive out another,
One passion doth expel another still.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Monsieur D'Olive, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult
of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for
which all other work is but preparation.
 -- Rainer Maria Rilke
%%
For one man is my world of all the men
This wide world holds; O love, my world is you.
 -- Christina Rossetti
%%
 For others do I wait...for higher ones, stronger ones, more triumphant
 ones, merrier ones, for such as are built squarely in body and soul:
 laughing lions must come.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
For other things mild Heav'n a time ordains,
And disapproves that care, though wise in show,
That with superfluous burden loads the day,
And when God sends a cheerful hour, refrains.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Sonnet xxi, To Cyriac Skinner
%%
For out of the old fieldes, as men saithe,
Cometh al this new corne fro yere to yere;
And out of old bookes, in good faithe,
Cometh al this new science that men lere.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Assembly of Fowles, Line 22
%%
For parents only:  Have you hugged your child today?
%%
For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
 -- Larry Eisenberg
%%
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
%%
For perfect happiness, remember two things:
   (1) Be content with what you've got.
  (2) Be sure you've got plenty.
%%
For pity melts the mind to love.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 96
%%
For pointed satire I would Buckhurst choose,
The best good man with the worst-natured muse.
 -- Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)
 -- An allusion to Horace, Satire x, Book i
%%
For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon
line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxviii, 10
%%
For purposes of action nothing is more useful than
narrowness of thought combined with energy of will.
 -- Henri Frederic Amiel
%%
For Reference Only.
%%
For reply, send a self-abused stomped antelope.
%%
For research use only.  Not for food, drug, household, or other uses.
%%
Forrest Fire......Life is like a bag of charcoal
%%
Forrest Gramp: Back in my day, we had to walk 10 miles to get a box...
%%
Forrest Grump: Get your damned hands off my box of chocolates!
%%
Forrest McCoy......It's Chocolate, Jim.
%%
For right is right, since God is God,
  And right the day must win;
To doubt would be disloyalty,
  To falter would be sin.
 -- F. W. Faber (1814-1863)
 -- The Right must win
%%
Forr sail: spelchekker... neads sum werk!
%%
Forsake not an old friend, for the new is not comparable unto him.
A new friend is as new wine: when it is old thou shalt drink it with
pleasure.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus ix, 10
%%
For Sale: 1 ceramic cow skull - actual size, very real looking $15.
%%
For Sale: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap.
%%
For Sale by Owner:
Complete Set of Encyclopedia Brittanica
Excellent condition, but no longer needed;
My wife knows everything.
%%
For Sale: Dehydrated H2O - $14 per quart
%%
For Sale: Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
%%
For Sale: dining table with two legs and six toes.
%%
For Sale: Echos '92! Don't laugh, I'm broke.
%%
For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Sheppard and an Alaskan Hussy.
%%
For Sale: Ex-wife, Take over payments.
%%
For Sale: Hot tub, 375 gallons, sleeps six.
%%
For Sale: Hourglass for timing Windows.
%%
For Sale: One mind. Pristine condition - Hardly used.
%%
For Sale: parachute, used once, never opened, small stain.
%%
For Sale: Positronic Brain-Found near S.F.-Needs Work
%%
For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within.
%%
For Sale: Three canaries of undetermined sex.
%%
For sale: Toilet-seat cover.  Barely used.
%%
For Sale: Tribbles.  Contact H. Mudd at 17:01/A.
%%
For Satan finds some mischief still
  For idle hands to do.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song xx
%%
For seldom shall she hear a tale
So sad, so tender, and so true.
 -- William Shenstone (1714-1763)
 -- Jemmy Dawson
%%
For several years more I maintained public relations with the Almighty.
But privately, I ceased to associate with him.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre
%%
 (For Shakespeare lovers only:)
 So long as phones can ring and eyes can see,
 So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.
 -- Answering machine madness - miscellaneous
%%
For simplicity, the word 'complex' is sometimes used ... to refer to any
 of these IBM IBM Products.
 -- IBM publication SA22-7098-0  p. 1
%%
For sincere personal advice, page your sysop at 3 AM.
%%
For snakebites:  bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
%%
For solitude sometimes is best society,
And short retirement urges sweet return.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 249
%%
For someone who didn't inhale, Clinton sure blows a lot of smoke!
%%
For some people, being self-conscious is as awake as they ever get.
%%
For some, reality is an illusion.
%%
For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say
Canada.    Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.
 -- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to
            the U.S.
%%
For some Reason, reality is an illusion.
%%
For some reason the concept of sacrificing accuracy to increase efficiency
seems inherently wrong.
%%
For some reason the little Bruins make us laugh.
%%
For some reason the little Flyers make us laugh.
%%
For some reason the little Leafs make us laugh.
%%
For some reason the little Penguins make us laugh.
%%
For some reason the little Rangers make us laugh.
%%
For some reason the little Senators make us laugh.
%%
For some reason the little Whalers make us laugh.
%%
For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
%%
For specialization is a process that begins as an attempt to develop
experts who will then inform the whole body. It can end, however,
and sometimes does, in the removal of any inclination to question
the supposed "experts"- who themselves are sometimes not all that expert.
 -- Michael Scully
%%
For still the new transcends the old
In signs and tokens manifold;
Slaves rise up men; the olive waves,
With roots deep set in battle graves!
 -- John G. Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- The Chapel of the Hermits
%%
For still the world prevail'd, and its dread laugh,
Which scarce the firm philosopher can scorn.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Autumn, Line 233
%%
For stony limits cannot hold love out.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
For successful propaganda you need proper geese.
%%
For success today, look first to yourself.
%%
For such a cute kid, you sure turned out ugly.
%%
For such a little woman your mouth is too big!
 -- Arturo Villa (the Mexican leader),  THE WAR GAMES
%%
For such kind of borrowing as this, if it be not bettered by the borrowers,
among good authors is accounted Plagiare.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Iconoclastes, xxiii
%%
For sufferance is the badge of all our tribe.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
FOR SYSOP USE ONLY - Do not write below this line.
%%
For tagline, please insert four quarters in slot |======|
%%
Fortes fortuna adjuvat. [fortune helps the strong]
%%
For that fine madness still he did retain
Which rightly should possess a poet's brain.
 -- Michael Drayton (1563-1631)
 -- To Henry Reynolds, of Poets and Poesy
%%
"...  For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive
jobs of a thousand years ago.  Why not, then, the last step of doing
away with computers altogether?"
 -- Jehan Shuman in Isaac Asimov's "The Feeling of Power", 1957 (!)
%%
For that rundown feeling - jaywalk.
%%
For the away team, Data, you, Mr. Worf and Ensign Expendable
%%
For the church to say that abortion is not acceptable for a Catholic
 is fine.   To say directly or indirectly that on something that is a
 church teaching that you must also vote according to that -- that's
 not acceptable in a country based on the First Amendment.
 -- Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy
%%
"For the cliff is all right if you're careful," they said;
"And if folks ever slip and are dropping,
It isn't the slipping that hurts them so much
As the shock down below - when they're stopping."
So for years (you'll have heard) as these mishaps occurred
Quick forth would the rescuers sally,
To pick up the victims who fell from the cliff,
With the ambulance down in the valley.
%%
For the egoist has so far the advantage over every other species of
devotee, that his idol is ever present.
 -- Catherine Gore
%%
For thee the wonder working earth puts forth sweet flowers.
%%
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
For the finest in brain candy.
%%
For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used
 for thirty years. This gives me great hope for the human race.
 -- Harlan Ellison
%%
For the glory of the Creator and the relief of man's estate.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Advancement of Learning, Book i, (1605.)
%%
For the good that I would I do not; but the evil which I would not, that I do.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans viii, 19
%%
For the last time, I'm not male!   I'm HUMAN!
 -- Curt Siffert
%%
   "For the love of Jesus, Mr. Chiun."
     "Now you've done it."
       "For Jesus?  Oh, no.
We never got a day's work from Him."
 -- Everyone's favorite Sinanju assassins, Remo and Chiun, from the DESTROYER
%%
For the love of phlegm...a stupid wall of death rays.   How tacky can ya get?
 -- Post Brothers comics
%%
For the man who has everything... Penicillin.
 -- F. Borquin
%%
For the memory of love is sweet, Though the love itself were in vain
And what I have lost of pleasure, Assuage what I find of pain.
 -- Lyster
%%
For the millionth time, don't exaggerate!
%%
For the moment at least, the Darwinian period is past; we can no
longer enjoy the comfortable assurance, which once satisfied so many
of us, that the main problem has been solved - all is again in the
melting pot.  By now, in fact, a new generation has grown up that
knows not Darwin.  Is even then evolution not a scientifically ascertained
fact?  No!  We must hold it as an act of faith because there is no
alternative.
 -- Dr. D. H. Scott, Presidential Address of the Botanical Section
 -- of the British Association for the Advancement of Science, 1921
%%
For the moment, this baby's working.
 -- O'Brien.
%%
For the next Wrestlemania, they are trying to sign a new opponent for Hulk
 Hogan, but Roseanne is holding out for more money!
%%
For the non-discriminating, non-judgemental, psychotic, all around Nut.
%%
For the ones who got a notion, a notion deep inside
That it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive
I want to find one face that ain't looking through me
I want to find my place I want to spit in the face of these
Badlands....
 -- Badlands, "Darkness On The Edge of Town"
%%
"...for the Orchestra which is Business
reflects the Symphony of the Mind,
the Crown which makes Man King."
 -- Jeff Daiell, in "The Most Dangerous Radical"
%%
For the rain it raineth every day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
"For the record, pot, like the "Reader's Digest", is not necessarily
 habit-forming, but both can lead to hard-core addiction: heroin, in one case,
 abridged bad books in the other.  Either way you look at it, a withdrawal
 from a meaningful life."
 -- Mordecai Richler, "Going Home Again"
%%
For there is no friend like a sister
In calm or stormy weather.
 -- Christina Rossetti
%%
For there is no sea, with out the dolphin
 -- Oppian
%%
For there is such a difference between the way men live and the way
they ought to live, that anybody who abandons what is for what ought
to be will learn something that will ruin rather than preserve him,
because anyone who determines to act in all circumstances the part of
a good man must come to ruin among so many who are not good.
 -- Machiavelli, Il principe
%%
For there 's nae luck about the house,
  There 's nae luck at a';
There 's little pleasure in the house
  When our gudeman 's awa'.
 -- W. J. Mickle (1734-1788)
 -- The Mariner's Wife
%%
For the rest of my life, I want to reflect on what a photon is.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
:for the rest of us: [from the Mac slogan "The computer for the
   rest of us"] adj. 1. Used to describe a {spiffy} product whose
   affordability shames other comparable products, or (more often)
   used sarcastically to describe {spiffy} but very overpriced
   products.  2. Describes a program with a limited interface,
   deliberately limited capabilities, non-orthogonality, inability to
   compose primitives, or any other limitation designed to not
   `confuse' a naive user.  This places an upper bound on how far
   that user can go before the program begins to get in the way of the
   task instead of helping accomplish it.  Used in reference to
   Macintosh software which doesn't provide obvious capabilities
   because it is thought that the poor lusers might not be able to
   handle them.  Becomes `the rest of *them*' when used in
   third-party reference; thus, "Yes, it is an attractive program,
   but it's designed for The Rest Of Them" means a program that
   superficially looks neat but has no depth beyond the surface flash.
   See also {WIMP environment}, {Macintrash},
   {point-and-drool interface}, {user-friendly}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
For the rest of your life you must run,
Your day in the sun is done,
You're a LIBERAL... Run, liberal, run!
...
Big government was your creed;
But now you're the last of a dying breed.
So, run liberal run,
Run run run run run run,
Run run run RUN,
Run run run run;
Run run...
 -- Saturday Night Live
%%
For there was never yet philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
For the rule of the wise over the less wise to be advantageous ...
it must come about by a process of consent. And the requirement of
consent can be understood only in the light of, and by recognition
of, natural equality.
 -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
For these prices, you can't expect real quotes.
%%
 ... for these truths hold good for everything that is, and not for some
special genus apart from others.  And all men use them, because they are
true of being qua being ...  For a principle which everyone must have
to understand anything that is, is not a hypothesis ...  Evidently then,
such a principle is the most certain of all; which principle this is,
let us proceed to say.      It is, that the same attribute cannot at the
same time belong and not belong to the subject in the same respect.
 -- Aristotle
%%
For the skeptic there remains only one consolation: if
 there should be such a thing as superhuman law it is
 administered with subhuman inefficiency.
 -- Eric Ambler
%%
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
For the tenth time, dull Daphnis, said Chloe, You have told me my bosom is
snowy; You've made much fine verse on each part of my person, Now DO something
%%
For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine.
Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great
number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will
turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.
 -- 2 Timothy 4:3-4
%%
For they can conquer who believe they can.
 -- Virgil
%%
For they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
For THIS I bought a computer?
%%
For this is England's greatest son,
He that gain'd a hundred fights,
And never lost an English gun.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Ode on the Death of the Duke of Wellington, Stanza 6
%%
For this I spent all those years in college?
%%
For this problem, we'll have to call in our crack team
of trained solipsists.
%%
For this relief much thanks: 't is bitter cold,
And I am sick at heart.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
For this thing was not done in a corner.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xxvi, 26
%%
Forth: One of the top five computer languages.
%%
For those about to rock!!! Fire!!!
%%
For those about to rock: we salute you.
 -- AC/DC
%%
For those of you how have been looking for evidence that a working
version of Star Wars can be built, consider the following proof
offered by Caspar Weinberger:

          If such a system is so unattainable, why have the Soviets been
        working desperately to get it for over 17 years?

 -- USA Today, 24 June 1986
%%
For those of you who don't know, you know that after about three or four
 years of concern on this issue the board of the National Right to Life
 Committee voted to oppose ERA.
 -- Dr. John Wilke, President, National Right to Life Committee, Weekend,
        1/21/79, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a
      Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
For those of you who think life is a joke, just think of the punchline.
%%
For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But
for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers
don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We
are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God.
We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our
educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We
are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will
tremble to take us.
 -- Charles Bukowski
%%
For those who choose to BBS with the very best.
%%
For those who didn't make it to page 249 of "The Anthropic Cosmological
Principle" by John Barrow and Frank Tipler, I quote

"In a randomly infinite Universe, any event occurring here and
 now with finite probability must be occurring simultaneously at
 an infinite number of other sites in the Universe. It is hard to
 evaluate this idea any further, but one thing is certain: if it
is true then it is certainly not original!"
%%
For those who have better things to do with their time, but don't care.
%%
For those whom God to ruin has design'd,
He fits for fate, and first destroys their mind.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Hind and the Panther, Part iii, Line 2387
%%
For those who say I can't impose my morality on others, I say just watch me.
 -- Joseph Scheidler, Executive Director, Pro-Life Action League, Pro-Life
       Action News, 8/8/89, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For
      Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
For though his body 's under hatches,
  His soul has gone aloft.
 -- Charles Dibdin (1745-1814)
 -- Tom Bowling
%%
For thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man.
 -- Klingon Soldier, "Day of the Dove," stardate unknown
%%
FORTH programmers do it from behind.
%%
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
 phone calls taper off.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
For three hundred years flutists tried to play in tune.   Then they
gave up and invented vibrato.
 --  George Barrere
%%
For Time will teach thee soon the truth,
  There are no birds in last year's nest!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- It is not always May
%%
For 't is a truth well known to most,
That whatsoever thing is lost,
We seek it, ere it come to light,
In every cranny but the right.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Retired Cat
%%
...For 'tis better to die poor than to live in shame and ignominy.
No, it isn't.
 -- Kate and her father : Bells
%%
For 't is the sport to have the enginer
Hoist with his own petar.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Fortiter in re, suaviter in modo.
%%
For to err in opinion, though it be not the part of wise men, is at
least human.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Against Colotes
%%
For tomorrow I diet . . .
%%
For too much rest itself becomes a pain.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xv, Line 429
%%
FORTRAN
FORTRAN is the programming Language considered by many to be the
natural successor to LISP and Prolog for A.I. research.  Its
advantages include:
 1. it is very efficient for numerical computations (many A.I.
 programs rely heavily on number-crunching techniques).
 2. A.I. problems tend to be very poorly structured, meaning
 that control needs to move frequently from one part of a
 program to another.  FORTRAN provides a special mechanism for
 achieving this, the so-called *GOTO statement*.
 3. FORTRAN provides a very efficient data structure, the
 *array*, which is particularly useful if, for example, one
 wishes to process a collection of English sentences each of
 which has the same length.
 -- Catalogue of Artificial Intelligence Tools,
 -- edited by Alan Bundy, second, revised edition,
 -- Springer-Verlag 1984, 1986  Contributor: Martin Cherry
%%
FORTRAN programmers do it with double precision.
%%
FORTRAN programmers do it with SOAP.
%%
FORTRAN programmers just DO it.
%%
FORTRAN, the infantile disorder, by now nearly 20 years old, is
hopelessly inadequate for whatever computer application you have in
mind today: it is now too clumsy, too risky, and to expensive to use.
In the good old days, physicists repeated each other's experiments,
just to be sure. Today they stick to FORTRAN, so that they can share
each other's programs, bugs included.
 -- Dijkstra, "How do we tell truths that might hurt",
 -- ACM Sig Plan Notices, May 82
%%
FORTRAN... Then, as now, the language used by
scientists with real problems.
%%
FORTRAN?  The syntactically incorrect statement "DO 10 I = 1.10" will parse and
generate code creating a variable, DO10I, as follows: "DO10I = 1.10"  If that
doesn't terrify you, it should.
%%
[FORTRAN] will persist for some time --
probably for at least the next decade.
 -- T. Cheatham
%%
FORTRAN - Your grey-haired grandmother.  People make fun of her just because
she is old, but if you take the time to listen, you can learn from her
experiences and her mistakes.  During her lifetime she has acquired many
useful skills in sewing and cooking (subroutine libraries) That no younger
women can match, so be thankful she is still around.  She has a notoriously
bad temper and when angered will start yelling and throwing dishes.  It was
mostly her bad temper that made grandad search for another wife.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
:Fortrash: /for'trash/ n. Hackerism for the FORTRAN (FORmula
   TRANslator) language, referring to its primitive design, gross and
   irregular syntax, limited control constructs, and slippery,
   exception-filled semantics.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fortress: a female fort.
%%
For tribal man space was the uncontrollable mystery. For technological man
it is time that occupies the same role.
 -- Marshall McLuhan
%%
For true emotionlessless, Bernie Casey of Borg!
%%
For truth has such a face and such a mien,
As to be lov'd needs only to be seen.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Hind and the Panther, Part i, Line 33
%%
For truth itself has not the privilege to be spoken at all times and
in all sorts.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xiii
%%
Fortunate indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right measure of
himself, and holds a just balance between what he can acquire and
what he can use.
 -- Peter Mere Latham
%%
Fortunately for you sir, there's not a section for gross dumbness in the
 Criminal Code. Said a judge to a man who reluctantly obeyed police orders
 to leave an area, yelling "sieg heil" and goose-stepping away.
%%
Fortunately, I had a backup dated 07/26/90.
%%
Fortunately, I keep my feathers numbered, for just such an emergency.
 -- Foghorn Leghorn
%%
Fortunately... no one's in control.
%%
Fortunately [psychoanalysis] is not the only way to resolve inner
conflicts.  Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.
 -- Karen Horney
%%
Fortunately, the computer virus did no harm to our
records. It was immediately devoured by the bugs in our own
programming
%%
... Fortunately, the responsibility for providing evidence is on the part of
the person making the claim, not the critic.  It is not the responsibility
of UFO skeptics to prove that a UFO has never existed, nor is it the
responsibility of paranormal-health-claims skeptics to prove that crystals
or colored lights never healed anyone.  The skeptic's role is to point out
claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidence and to
provide plausible alternative explanations that are more in keeping with
the accepted body of scientific evidence. ...
 -- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, pg. 215
%%
Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered.
%%
Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance,
And toss them on the wheels of Chance.
 -- Juvenal
%%
fortune: cannot execute.  Out of cookies.
%%
:fortune cookie: [WAITS, via UNIX] n. A random quote, item of
   trivia, joke, or maxim printed to the user's tty at login time or
   (less commonly) at logout time.  Items from this lexicon have often
   been used as fortune cookies.  See {cookie file}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
fortune: cpu time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
%%
Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them.
 -- Suzanne Necker
%%
fortune: error: All your files and directories have been deleted.
%%
Fortune favors the daring. [Audace fortuna juvat] - Virgil
%%
Fortune favors the lucky.
%%
Fortune helps the brave.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Phormio, Act i, Sc. 4, 25, (203.)
%%
Fortune is a woman. It is necessary, if you wish to master her, to
take her by force before she has a chance to resist.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Fortune is like glass,--the brighter the glitter, the more easily broken.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 280
%%
Fortune is like the market, where, many times, if you can stay a
little, the price will fall.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Phaedra, Frag. 842
%%
Fortune is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 274
%%
Fortune is unstable, while our will is free.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Epicurus, xxvii
%%
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Fortune leaves always some door open to come at a remedy.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. i
%%
fortune: no such file or directory.
%%
fortune: not found
%%
Fortune reigns in gifts of the world.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
%%
Fortune Telling: Crystal Ball
%%
Fortune, the great commandress of the world,
Hath divers ways to advance her followers:
To some she gives honour without deserving,
To other some, deserving without honour.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- All Fools, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
%%
Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samuri
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

Oh, and have a nice day!
 -- Bryce Nesbitt '84
%%
Fort Wayne is not the headquarters of F troop.
%%
Fort Worth...Where the West Begins!
%%
Forty isn't all that old... if you're a tree.
%%
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
Forty stripes save one.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians xi, 24
%%
Forty thousand brothers
Could not, with all their quantity of love,
Make up my sum.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
"Forty-two!  Is that all you've got to show for seven and a half million
year's work?" - Loonquawl.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Forty-two, said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.
%%
:forum: n. [USENET, GEnie, CI$; pl. `fora' or `forums'] Any
   discussion group accessible through a dial-in {BBS}, a
   {mailing list}, or a {newsgroup} (see {network, the}).  A
   forum functions much like a bulletin board; users submit
   {posting}s for all to read and discussion ensues.  Contrast
   real-time chat via {talk mode} or point-to-point personal
   {email}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FORVAL MODEMS, A Glance Into The Future!
%%
:for values of: [MIT] A common rhetorical maneuver at MIT is to use
   any of the canonical {random numbers} as placeholders for
   variables.  "The max function takes 42 arguments, for arbitrary
   values of 42."  "There are 69 ways to leave your lover, for
   69 = 50."  This is especially likely when the speaker has uttered
   a random number and realizes that it was not recognized as such,
   but even `non-random' numbers are occasionally used in this
   fashion.  A related joke is that pi equals 3 --- for
   small values of pi and large values of 3.

   Historical note: this usage probably derives from the programming
   language MAD (Michigan Algorithm Decoder), an Algol-like language
   that was the most common choice among mainstream (non-hacker) users
   at MIT in the mid-60s.  It had a control structure FOR VALUES OF X
   = 3, 7, 99 DO ... that would repeat the indicated instructions for
   each value in the list (unlike the usual FOR that only works for
   arithmetic sequences of values).  MAD is long extinct, but similar
   for-constructs still flourish (e.g., in UNIX's shell languages).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
For visions come not to polluted eyes.
 -- Mary Howitt
%%
For want of the price of tea and a slice...
%%
Forward, as occasion offers. Never look round to see whether any shall
note it.... Be satisfied with success in even the smallest matter,
and think that even such a result is no trifle.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 29
%%
Forward, Forward, Down, HK --- Sub zero Fatality --- Step 1
%%
Forward goes the vanguard of the lunatic fringe,
tickling the death clowns of normality.
 -- HealNorm
%%
For Warm Boot, put computer in dryer for 20 minutes
%%
For warm boot, put computer in microwave for 20 minutes.
%%
For water continually dropping will wear hard rocks hollow.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
For we both alike know that into the discussion of human affairs the question
of justice enters only where the pressure of necessity is equal, and that the
powerful exact what they can, and the weak grant what they must.
 -- Thucydides
%%
For we by conquest, of our soveraine might,
And by eternall doome of Fate's decree,
Have wonne the Empire of the Heavens bright.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book vii, Canto vi, St. 33
%%
For what constitutes a child?--Ignorance. What constitutes a child?--Want
of instruction; for they are our equals so far as their degree of
knowledge permits.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- That Courage is not inconsistent with Caution,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. i
%%
For what it's worth!!!!
%%
For what it's worth, I understand your bitterness.
With respect sir, you cannot. I am asked to give up the very lifeblood
  of my mother and my father to those who murdered them.
So you blame all Romulans for that?
Yes.
Forever. What if someday the Federation made peace with the Romulans?
Impossible.
That's what your people said a few years ago, about humans. Think how
  many died on both sides in that war. Would you and I be here now like
  this? If we hadn't been able to let go of the anger and the blame.
  Where does it end Worf? If that Romulan dies, does his family carry
  the bitterness another generation?
Then you believe I should.
What I believe doesn't matter.
 -- Riker & Worf, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
For what it's worth, I've always trusted you from the beginning.. .
%%
For when did friendship take
A breed for barren metal of his friend?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
For when I gave you an inch, you tooke an ell.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
For when I was a babe and wept and slept, Time crept.
When I was a boy and laughed and talked, Time walked.
Then when the years saw me a man, Time run.
But as I older grew, Time flew.
 -- Guy Pentreath
%%
For where God built a church, there the Devil would also build a chapel.
 -- Martin Luther (1483-1546)
 -- Table-Talk, lxvii
%%
For where is any author in the world
Teaches such beauty as a woman's eye?
Learning is but an adjunct to ourself.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
For wheresoe'er I turn my ravish'd eyes,
Gay gilded scenes and shining prospects rise,
Poetic fields encompass me around,
And still I seem to tread on classic ground.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- A Letter from Italy
%%
For where 's the state beneath the firmament
That doth excel the bees for government?
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Fifth Day, Part i
%%
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. MAT 6:21
%%
For which cause men may well perceive that the land and the sea are
of round shape and form, for the portion of the firmament that shows
itself in one country does not show itself in another country.  And
men may well prove by experience and subtle exercise
of wit that if a man should find routes by ship that would go
to search the world, men might go by ship all about the world and
around and beneath it...
 -- Sir John Mandeville, 
 -- Mandeville's Travels, a 14th-Century text of disputed authorship
%%
For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first,
and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it.
 -- Luke 14:28
%%
For who hath despised the day of small things?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Zechariah iv, 10
%%
For who, to dumb forgetfulness a prey,
  This pleasing anxious being e'er resign'd,
Left the warm precincts of the cheerful day,
  Nor cast one longing ling'ring look behind?
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 22
%%
For who would lose,
Though full of pain this intellectual being,
Those thoughts that wander through eternity,
To perish rather, swallow'd up and lost
In the wide womb of uncreated night?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 146
%%
For women, "equality is a disaster."
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
For women, the sexual act is a means to a higher end. For a man, it is an end
in itself.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
For words are wise men's counters,--they do but reckon by them; but
they are the money of fools.
 -- Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679)
 -- The Leviathan, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
For writing E-Mail to Penthouse Magazine - WORDPERVERT 5.1
%%
For years a secret shame destroyed my peace --
I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
 -- Justin Richardson.
%%
For you and I are past our dancing days.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
For your birthday, somebody gives you a calfskin wallet..
%%
For your convenience, we recommend courageous,
 efficient self-service.
 -- In a Hong Kong supermarket
%%
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
%%
(for your taste) I'll see if I can manage a Round 3.
%%
Fossil flowers come from the Petrified Florist.
%%
:fossil: n. 1. In software, a misfeature that becomes
   understandable only in historical context, as a remnant of times
   past retained so as not to break compatibility.  Example: the
   retention of octal as default base for string escapes in {C}, in
   spite of the better match of hexadecimal to ASCII and modern
   byte-addressable architectures.  See {dusty deck}.  2. More
   restrictively, a feature with past but no present utility.
   Example: the force-all-caps (LCASE) bits in the V7 and {BSD}
   UNIX tty driver, designed for use with monocase terminals.  (In a
   perversion of the usual backward-compatibility goal, this
   functionality has actually been expanded and renamed in some later
   {USG UNIX} releases as the IUCLC and OLCUC bits.)  3. The FOSSIL
   (Fido/Opus/Seadog Standard Interface Level) driver specification
   for serial-port access to replace the {brain-dead} routines in
   the IBM PC ROMs.  Fossils are used by most MS-DOS {BBS} software
   in preference to the `supported' ROM routines, which do not support
   interrupt-driven operation or setting speeds above 9600; the use of
   a semistandard FOSSIL library is preferable to the {bare metal}
   serial port programming otherwise required.  Since the FOSSIL
   specification allows additional functionality to be hooked in,
   drivers that use the {hook} but do not provide serial-port
   access themselves are named with a modifier, as in `video
   fossil'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fotoflagellation: the act of waving a Polaroid so it develops faster.
%%
Foul deeds will rise,
Though all the earth o'erwhelm them, to men's eyes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Found 65536 bytes in 8 lost chains - Convert to taglines?
%%
Found BABY.COM - (a)bort, (d)eliver, (f)ind father?
%%
founder - what the police did to a lost female
%%
Found God?  If nobody claims Him in 30 days, he's YOURS!
%%
Found the solution. Now, where did I put that problem!
%%
Fountain heads and pathless groves,
Places which pale passion loves.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Nice Valour, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Four and six a pound and him with a wooden leg?
%%
Four cents short of a nickel.
%%
:four-color glossies: 1. Literature created by {marketroid}s
   that allegedly contains technical specs but which is in fact as
   superficial as possible without being totally {content-free}.
   "Forget the four-color glossies, give me the tech ref manuals."
   Often applied as an indication of superficiality even when the
   material is printed on ordinary paper in black and white.
   Four-color-glossy manuals are *never* useful for finding a
   problem.  2. [rare] Applied by extension to manual pages that don't
   contain enough information to diagnose why the program doesn't
   produce the expected or desired output.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Four dead in O-HI-O.
%%
Four hours to bury the cat? Yeah, it won't stay still...
%%
Four minus two is one and the same.
%%
Four minutes ahead of schedule.  Damn, I'm good!
%%
Four minutes before the conclusion of any worth-while TV program, you
will get a phone call from your cousin, the one called Loose Lips.
%%
Four out of five doctors agree that Clinton's lying.
%%
Four out of five doctors agree that Hillary's lying.
%%
Four out of five people think the fifth one is an idiot.
%%
Four people attack you with screwdrivers, you have a gun, they're
supposed to die.   That's not racism.  That's Darwin.
 --  Chip Flatow
%%
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
%%
Four score and seven (hundred) bugs ago, our fore-fathers brought
 fourth a new application.
 -- Gettysbug Address
%%
Four Stages of Acceptance:
1. This is worthless nonsense.
2. This is an interesting, but perverse, point of view.
3. This is true, but quite unimportant.
4. I always said so.
 -- J.B.S. Haldane
%%
Four things belong to a judge: to hear courteously, to answer wisely,
to consider soberly, and to decide impartially.
 -- Socrates
%%
Four things come not back: the spoken word, the spent arrow, the past, the
neglected opportunity.
 -- Omar Idn Al-Halif
%%
Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my
 gothic solarium!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Four-wheel-drive just means you can get stuck in even more
inaccessible places.
 -- Phillips' Law
%%
Four-wheelers eat more bush.
%%
Four years ago...  no, it was yesterday.
Today I...  No, that wasn't me.
Sometimes I...  No, I don't.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Foxes will be assimilated. We're wild and crazy Borgs.
%%
FPC: Feed Paper Continuously
%%
FPT: Fire Photon Torpedoes
%%
Fractals--what you see is what you wait for.
%%
Fractionation--1/3-world country.
%%
:fragile: adj. Syn {brittle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fragile. Handle it like the U.S. Post Office!
%%
Frailty, thy name is Seagate.
%%
Frailty, thy name is woman!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Framed in the prodigality of nature.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Framed to make women false.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
France has culture but no civilization.  England has
civilization but no culture.  The United States has neither.
Canada has both.
 -- Robin Mathews
%%
France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the
 toilet paper.
%%
Francesco Sforza became Duke of Milan from being a private citizen
because he was armed;  his successors, since they avoided the
inconveniences of arms, became private citizens after having been dukes.
 -- Machiavelli
%%
Frances Gump......Somewhere Over the Chocolate
%%
    France was in a very serious state.  The French Revolution was accomplished
before it happened.  The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolu-
tion, and it catapulted into Napoleon.  During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned
heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes.  Then the Spanish gorrilas came
down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks.  Napoleon became ill with
bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained.  He wanted an heir to
inheret his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him
any children.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
FRANKALMOIGNE, n.  The tenure by which a religious corporation holds
lands on condition of praying for the soul of the donor.  In mediaeval
times many of the wealthiest fraternities obtained their estates in
this simple and cheap manner, and once when Henry VIII of England sent
an officer to confiscate certain vast possessions which a fraternity
of monks held by frankalmoigne, "What!" said the Prior, "would you
master stay our benefactor's soul in Purgatory?"  "Ay," said the
officer, coldly, "an ye will not pray him thence for naught he must
e'en roast."  "But look you, my son," persisted the good man, "this
act hath rank as robbery of God!"  "Nay, nay, good father, my master
the king doth but deliver him from the manifold temptations of too
great wealth."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Frank and explicit--that is the right line to take when you wish to conceal
 your own mind and confuse the minds of others.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
%%
Frank is my Elvis.
 --  Matt Groening
%%
Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell
 about it.  So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Franklin D. Roosevelt = New Deal  **  William B. Clinton = Raw Deal
%%
Frankly my dear, I don't give a download.
 -- Rhett Sysop
%%
Frankly, scallop, I don't give a clam!
%%
"Frankly, Scarlett, I don't have a fix."
 -- Rhett Buggler
%%
Frank settled out in the valley,and he hung his wild years on a nail
 that he drove through his wifes forehead.
 -- Tom Waits
%%
Frank Sinatra does it his way.
%%
 (Frantic violin music:)  Hello.  You have reached 435-3949.  We
 are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or
 being chased by, bats.  Please leave a message.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 Fraternities have no SLACK, no matter how slack-jawed they may appear.
I taught elementary calculus here at the University of SLACK for several
years, and have observed these folks carefully.
 Although some of them looked like they had SLACK, it's clear to me that
this was just the result of not getting enough sleep after the puking contest.
 I mean, those guys don't watch enough television to have real SLACK.
 -- William K Glunt (bud@ms.uky.edu)
%%
FRATERNITY MEN do it with their little sisters
%%
Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.
 -- Charles P. Curtis
%%
Fraud(n): A telephone number starting with "1-900"
%%
Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.
%%
Freaking the mundanes...Freaking the mundanes...
%%
Fred Can Philosophize!: Immanuel Kant
%%
Freddy Kruger lives in your CPU Stack, ....Nightie
%%
Freddy's dead, but look out world here comes Bob!  Help!
%%
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
%%
:fred: n. 1. The personal name most frequently used as a
   {metasyntactic variable} (see {foo}).  Allegedly popular
   because it's easy for a non-touch-typist to type on a standard
   QWERTY keyboard.  Unlike {J. Random Hacker} or `J. Random
   Loser', this name has no positive or negative loading (but see
   {Mbogo, Dr. Fred}).  See also {barney}.  2. An acronym for
   `Flipping Ridiculous Electronic Device'; other F-verbs may be
   substituted for `flipping'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:frednet: /fred'net/ n. Used to refer to some {random} and
   uncommon protocol encountered on a network.  "We're implementing
   bridging in our router to solve the frednet problem."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fredom of the Press = US Mint.
%%
Free advice is seldom cheap.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #59
%%
Free Agent, Spam Ware Without Compare
%%
Free and fair discussion will ever by found the firmest friend to truth.
 -- George Campbell
%%
Free and single again!
%%
Free at last, free at last, Great God Almighty, I am free at last.
 -- Martin Luther King
%%
Free at last, they took your life...
they could not take your pride.
%%
Free bank with the purchase of any toaster.
%%
FREEBOOTER, n.  A conqueror in a small way of business, whose
annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
 -- Sign on bank
%%
free climb: climb done without expensive equipment. there are cheap thrills,
too.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Free communication, free thought!
%%
Free curiosity is a greater encouragement to learning
than frightened compulsion.
%%
Free curiosity is of more value than harsh discipline.
 -- Saint Augustine (354-430), Confessions (397-398)
%%
Freed from the pressure of haste, the tyranny of film, and now the
restraint of clothes, I found myself looking more closely at what went on
around me.
 -- Colin Fletcher, The Man Who Walked Through Time
%%
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Freedom comes from human beings, rather than from laws and institutions.
 -- Clarance Darrow
%%
Freedom, freedom!
%%
Freedom from incrustation of grime is preceded in paramount only by rectitude.
[ cleanliness is next to godliness. ]
%%
Freedom has a thousand charms to show,
That slaves, howe'er contented, never know.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 260
%%
Freedom has no meaning of itself. There are always restrictions, be they
 legal, genetic, or physical. If you don't believe me, try to chew a radio
 signal.
 -- Kelvin Throop III
%%
Freedom, Immortality, and the Stars!
%%
Freedom is a hard-bought thing - A gift no man can give.
%%
... freedom ... is a worship word...
It is our worship word too.
 -- Cloud William and Kirk, "The Omega Glory," stardate unknown.
%%
Freedom is doing what you like, happiness is liking what you do.
%%
Freedom is Expensive, but worth it!
%%
Freedom is just a hallucination created by a pathological lack of paranoia.
%%
Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.
 -- Alan Dean Foster, To the Vanishing Point
%%
Freedom is meaningless unless you can give to those with whom you
disagree.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Freedom is not an imposition.
 -- Rush Limbaugh's truth #11
%%
Freedom is not enough.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.
 It passes my comprehension how human beings, be they ever so experienced
and able, can delight in depriving other human beings of that precious
right.
 -- Ghandi, 1931
%%
Freedom isn't cheap and it never goes on sale.
%%
Freedom isn't free.
%%
Freedom is something we take for granted.
%%
Freedom is still the most radical idea of all.
 -- Nathaniel Branden
%%
[Freedom is] the power to live as you will.  Who then lives as he wills?
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
 -- John G. Riefenbaker
%%
Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.
 -- Sartre
%%
Freedom, like crabgrass, keeps popping up.
%%
Freedom of movement and choice produced the human spirit.
 -- Dr. Brown, "What are Little Girls Made Of?" stardate 2712.4.
%%
Freedom of religion is also freedom FROM religion. . .
%%
Freedom of speech and freedom of action are meaningless without freedom
to think.  And there is no freedom of thought without doubt.
 -- Bergen Evans
%%
Freedom of speech is wonderful;
right up there with the freedom not to listen.
%%
Freedom of Speech: Letting he who is wrong speak anyway.
%%
"Freedom of the press in Britain is freedom to print such of the proprietor's
prejudices as the advertisers don't object to."
 -- Hannen Swaffer (1879-1962), in conversation with Tom Driberg, c.1928
%%
Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.
 -- A. J. Liebling
%%
Freedom = Responsibility
%%
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
 -- Kris Kristofferson
%%
Freedom to live one's life with the window of the soul open to new
thoughts, new ideas, new aspirations.
 -- Harold Ickes
%%
Free enterprise: A huge area of the American economy is still noticable
to observers with peripheral vision after they subtract the public
sector, conglomerates, federally supported agriculture, monopolies,
duopolies, and oligopolies.
 -- Bernard Rosenberg
%%
Free enterprise ended in the United States a good many years ago. Big oil, big
steel, big agriculture avoid the open marketplace. Big corporations fix prices
among themselves and drive out the small entrepreneur. In their conglomerate
forms, the huge corporations have begun to challenge the legitimacy of the
state.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
Free enterprise works for those with the enterprises.
%%
Freefall Sex: And you thought AIDS was Dangerous!
%%
Freefall Sex: Bungee jumping is just foreplay!
%%
Freefall Sex: Flights of Fancy gone one better! Imaginative Enjoyment!
%%
Freefall Sex: For those who aren't up to Bungee Sex!
%%
Freefall Sex: Is there a "Satisfaction Guarantee"? Who're you kidding!
%%
Freefall Sex: Now accepting applicants for Night Excursions.
%%
Freefall Sex: Oprah reveals her distressing addiction: Next on 20/20!
%%
Freefall Sex: "Quickie"....before hitting the road!...
%%
Freefall Sex: Researchers Wanted:Apply in person. Ready, willing, able!
%%
Freefall Sex: Wanted:Imaginative, Openminded, Outdoorsy types. Apply Now!
%%
Free Family History!  Just run fer office...
%%
free: freeing free block
%%
free: freeing free frag
%%
Free fuel, deliveries daily (re: solar energy)
%%
"Free?" I just love the word "free!"
%%
Free-livers on a small scale, who are prodigal within the compass of a guinea.
 -- Washington Irving (1783-1859)
 -- The Stout Gentleman
%%
Free love is a contradiction in terms.
%%
Free markets select for winning solutions.
 -- Eric S. Raymond
%%
FREEMASONS, n.  An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and
fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II,
among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the
dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces
all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming
up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of
Chaos and Formless Void.  The order was founded at different times by
Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious,
Thothmes, and Buddha.  Its emblems and symbols have been found in the
Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the
Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the
Egyptian Pyramids -- always by a Freemason.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last!
%%
Free Oral Castrations
%%
Free people, remember this maxim: We may acquire liberty, but it
is never recovered if it is once lost.
 -- Rousseau
%%
Free Sex is all I can afford after Taxes!!
%%
Free soil, free men, free speech, Fremont.
 -- The Republican Party rallying cry in 1856
%%
"Free speech for me but not for thee."
 -- Liberal's 1st Amendment
%%
Free speech is far more valuable than cheap talk.
%%
Free speech is intended to protect the controversial and even outrageous
word; and not just comforting platitudes too mundane to need protection.
 -- General Colin Powell
%%
 Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a
crowded fire.
 -- Abbie Hoffman
%%
Free the EXPLOSIVE FUNERAL NEWS thread!
%%
Free the Heinz 57.
%%
Free the Indianapolis 500!
%%
Free the San Francisco 49ers!
%%
Free the Terran 5 Billions.
%%
Free time which unexpectedly becomes available will be
wasted.
 -- Sandiland's Law
%%
FREE to a good home, cute baby taglines, housebroken.
%%
Free trade is not a principle, it is an expedient.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- On Import Duties, April 25, 1843
%%
:freeware: n. Free software, often written by enthusiasts and
   distributed by users' groups, or via electronic mail, local
   bulletin boards, {USENET}, or other electronic media.  At one
   time, `freeware' was a trademark of Andrew Fluegelman, the author
   of the well-known MS-DOS comm program PC-TALK III.  It wasn't
   enforced after his mysterious disappearance and presumed death
   in 1984.  See {shareware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
'Freeways are the cathedrals of our times,' someone said. Not me, but
    someone did.
 -- David Byrne
%%
:freeze: v. To lock an evolving software distribution or document
   against changes so it can be released with some hope of stability.
   Carries the strong implication that the item in question will
   `unfreeze' at some future date.  "OK, fix that bug and we'll
   freeze for release."

   There are more specific constructions on this term.  A `feature
   freeze', for example, locks out modifications intended to introduce
   new features but still allows bugfixes and completion of existing
   features; a `code freeze' connotes no more changes at all.  At
   Sun Microsystems and elsewhere, one may also hear references to
   `code slush' --- that is, an almost-but-not-quite frozen state.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Freeze - Wait - Reanimate
 -- The Cryonics Society
%%
French Cars: Myra Neault
%%
French dictionary for beginners:

 Coup de grace - Lawn mower
 Chateaubriand - Your hat is on
 Pas de tout - Father of twins
 Entrechat - Let the cat in
 Marseillaise - Ma says okay
 -- F. S. Pearson 2d
%%
 (French monologue in the background:)  Around the world today,
 millions still speak French as either a first or second
 language.  But with your continued support and help, we can wipe
 out French in our lifetime.  Please leave a message in English
 at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to
 you, just say, "non".
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
French Overpopulation: Francis Crowded
%%
French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled
 due to the grape treaders' sit-in.
 -- Ronnie Corbett
%%
Fresh as a bridegroom; and his chin new reap'd
Showed like a stubble-land at harvest-home;
He was perfumed like a milliner,
And 'twixt his finger and his thumb he held
A pouncet-box, which ever and anon
He gave his nose and took 't away again.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Fresh beauty opens one's eyes wherever it is really seen, but the very
abundance and completeness of the common beauty that besets our steps
prevents its being absorbed and appreciated. It is a good thing, therefore,
to make short excursions now and then to the bottom of the sea among dulse
and coral, or up among the clouds on mountain-tops, or in balloons, or even
to creep like worms into dark holes and caverns underground, not only to
learn something of what is going on in those out-of-the-way places, but to
see better what the sun sees on our return to common everyday beauty.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Fresh from the Box.
%%
Fresh of the Grill: same talk different company!
%%
Freud Fantasy Gardens--Id required.
%%
"Freud is the father of psychoanalysis.  It has no mother."
 -- Germaine Greer
%%
FREUD, SIGMUND (1856-1939)
  Austrian gynaecologist and founder of psychoanalysis. And a
  down-right pervvy.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Freya, Goddess of Love and War:  If ya can't lay 'em, slay 'em!
%%
FR: Flip Record
%%
FRG: Fill with Random Garbage
%%
FRICK, MR
  The most unfortunate name for a school teacher in the universe.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
%%
Friction is a drag.
%%
Friction is a drag & Gravity Sucks!!
%%
friction: what often develops among members of an expedition.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Friday afternoon, I'm walking home from school and I'm watching some men
 building a new house. And the guy hammering on the roof calls me a paranoid
 little weirdo. In Morse code.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
Friday the 13th XXXIV: Jason take the Enterprise
%%
:fried: adj. 1. Non-working due to hardware failure; burnt out.
   Especially used of hardware brought down by a `power glitch' (see
   {glitch}), {drop-outs}, a short, or some other electrical
   event.  (Sometimes this literally happens to electronic circuits!
   In particular, resistors can burn out and transformers can melt
   down, emitting noxious smoke --- see {friode}, {SED} and
   {LER}.  However, this term is also used metaphorically.)
   Compare {frotzed}.  2. Of people, exhausted.  Said particularly
   of those who continue to work in such a state.  Often used as an
   explanation or excuse.  "Yeah, I know that fix destroyed the file
   system, but I was fried when I put it in."  Esp. common in
   conjunction with `brain': "My brain is fried today, I'm very
   short on sleep."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fried ice cream is a reality!
 -- George Clinton
%%
Friend after friend departs;
  Who hath not lost a friend?
There is no union here of hearts
  That finds not here an end.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- Friends
%%
FRIENDLESS, adj.  Having no favors to bestow.  Destitute of fortune.
Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Friendly fire isn't.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #21
%%
Friend or Foe??????????????????
%%
Friends, and I mean real friends - reserve nothing. The property of one belongs
to the other.
 -- Euripides
%%
Friends applaud, the comedy is over.
 -- Last words of Ludwig von Beethoven
%%
Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate!
%%
Friends are people you can be quiet with.
%%
Friends depart, and memory takes them
  To her caverns, pure and deep.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- Teach me to forget
%%
Friends don't let friends buy Seagates.
%%
Friends don't let friends buy Tandy Computers.
%%
Friends don't let friends buy Yugo's.
%%
Friends don't let friends drink and post.
%%
Friends don't let friends drive Fords.
%%
Friends don't let friends drive foreign cars!
%%
Friends don't let friends drive Japanese cars.
%%
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
%%
Friends don't let friends eat meat.
%%
Friends don't let Friends Lurk on RIME...
%%
friends don't let friends make up their own mind.
 -- Liberal tagline
%%
Friends don't let friends pay retail.
%%
Friends don't let friends post drunk.
%%
Friends don't let friends run Xenix.
 -- Stephen J. Friedl
%%
Friends don't let Friends Use 2400 Baud
%%
Friends don't let friends use Amigas!
%%
Friends don't let friends use Apples.
%%
Friends don't let friends use MS-DOS.
%%
Friends don't let friends use NT.
%%
Friends don't let friends use PKZIP2.04G
%%
Friends don't let friends use Prodigy.
%%
Friends don't let friends use Windows.
%%
Friends don't let friends use XMODEM!
%%
Friends don't let friends vote Democratic.
%%
Friends don't let friends vote for Clinton/Gore.
%%
Friends don't let friends vote for Republicans!
%%
Friends: family that you can choose for yourself.
%%
Friendship cannot be negotiated.
 -- Paul Krassner (from Lyle Stuart)
%%
Friendship can turn to Love, but Love can NEVER turn to Friendship.
%%
Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our
joys, and dividing our grief.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
"What! You, too? I thought I was the only one."
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love:
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues;
Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Friendship is good, a strong stick; but when the hour comes
to lean hard it gives.   In the day of their bitterest need
all souls are alone.
 -- Olive Schreiner, (The Story of An African Farm)
%%
Friendship is inexplicable, it should not be explained,
if one doesn't want to kill it.
 -- Max Jacob
%%
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
Friendship is Love without his wings.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- L'Amitie est l'Amour sans Ailes
%%
Friendship is no plant of hasty growth; Tho' planted in esteem's deep fixed
soil, The gradual culture of kind intercourse Must bring it to perfection.
 -- Joanna Baillie
%%
Friendship is only a reciprocal conciliation of interests, and an
exchange of good offices; it is a species of commerce out of which
self-love always expects to gain something.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 83
%%
Friendship is the only thing in the world concerning the usefulness
of which all mankind are agreed.
 -- Cicero
%%
Friendship, like the immortality of the soul, is too good to be believed.
 -- Emerson
%%
Friendship must dare to risk, Counselor, or it is not friendship.
 -- Picard to Troi, "Conspiracy", stardate 41775.5
%%
Friendship! mysterious cement of the soul!
Sweetener of life! and solder of society!
 -- Robert Blair (1699-1747)
 -- The Grave, Part i, Line 88
%%
FRIENDSHIP, n.  A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but
only one in foul.

    The sea was calm and the sky was blue;
    Merrily, merrily sailed we two.
        (High barometer maketh glad.)
    On the tipsy ship, with a dreadful shout,
    The tempest descended and we fell out.
        (O the walking is nasty bad!)
                                                     Armit Huff Bettle
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Friendships are fragile things, and require as much handling as
any other fragile and precious thing.
 -- Randolph S. Bourne
%%
Friendships are not always preserved in alcohol.
%%
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority
over the other.
 -- Balzac
%%
Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable.
 -- John D. MacDonald.
%%
Friendship's the wine of life.
 -- Young
%%
Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot
be friends with anyone else in the world.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
Friends! I represent the government.    I support your charges against
  Landlord Huang.  We will certainly avenge Hsi-erh.  First, let us arrest
  Huang and Mu for public trial according to proper legal procedure!
 -- District Head, from The White Haired Girl
%%
Friends know when to yell 'RUN!'
%%
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
 -- Thomas Jones' Motto
%%
Friends of a potentialy funny joke, just because I don't get it? [GRIN]
%%
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
%%
Friends: People who dislike the same people we do.
%%
Friends: people who know you but like you anyway.
%%
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your knickers, stockings and
undergarments!
%%
Friends, Romans, Countrymen: lend me your noses.
%%
Friends, Romans, Hipsters,
 Let me clue you in;
 I come to put down Caeser, not to groove him.
 The square kicks some cats are on stay with them;
 The hip bits, like, go down under; so let it lay with Caeser.
 The cool Brutus gave you the message: Caeser had big eyes;
 If that's the sound, someone's copping a plea,
 And, like, old Caeser really set them straight.
 Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs,
 for Brutus is a real cool cat;
 So are they all, all cool cats,
 Come I to make this gig at Caeser's laying down.
%%
Friends should be preferred to kings.
 -- Voltaire
%%
FRIENDS: The people who stab you in the front.
%%
Friends warm the world with Happiness
%%
Friends were made for friends, and for people to argue with!!
%%
Friend to my life, which did not you prolong,
The world had wanted many an idle song.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 27
%%
Frigidalien: any nonfood item (film, batteries) kept in the `fridge.
%%
:frink: /frink/ v. The unknown ur-verb, fill in your own meaning.
   Found esp. on the USENET newsgroup alt.fan.lemurs, where it is
   said that the lemurs know what `frink' means, but they aren't
   telling.  Compare {gorets}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:friode: /fri:'ohd/ [TMRC] n. A reversible (that is, fused or
   blown) diode.  Compare {fried}; see also {SED}, {LER}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Frisbee players are ultimate lovers.
%%
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the
  roof and gets stuck.
 -- George Carlin
%%
Frisby....An on-topic aerial Communications device?
%%
:fritterware: n. An excess of capability that serves no productive
   end.  The canonical example is font-diddling software on the Mac
   (see {macdink}); the term describes anything that eats huge
   amounts of time for quite marginal gains in function but seduces
   people into using it anyway.  See also {window shopping}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fritz needs Fred and Fred needs Fritz.
Fritz feeds Fred and Fred feeds Fritz.
Fred feeds Fritz with ritzy Fred food.
Fritz feeds Fred with ritzy Fritz food.
And Fritz, when fed, has often said,
I'm a Fred-fed Fritz.
Fred's a Fritz-fed Fred.
 -- Dr Suess
%%
:frob: /frob/ 1. n. [MIT] The {TMRC} definition was "FROB = a
   protruding arm or trunnion"; by metaphoric extension, a `frob'
   is any random small thing; an object that you can comfortably hold
   in one hand; something you can frob (sense 2).  See {frobnitz}.
   2. vt.  Abbreviated form of {frobnicate}.  3. [from the {MUD}
   world] A command on some MUDs that changes a player's experience
   level (this can be used to make wizards); also, to request
   {wizard} privileges on the `professional courtesy' grounds
   that one is a wizard elsewhere.  The command is actually
   `frobnicate' but is universally abbreviated to the shorter
   form.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:frobnicate: /frob'ni-kayt/ vt. [Poss. derived from
   {frobnitz}, and usually abbreviated to {frob}, but
   `frobnicate' is recognized as the official full form.] To
   manipulate or adjust, to tweak.  One frequently frobs bits or other
   2-state devices.  Thus: "Please frob the light switch" (that is,
   flip it), but also "Stop frobbing that clasp; you'll break it".
   One also sees the construction `to frob a frob'.  See {tweak}
   and {twiddle}.

   Usage: frob, twiddle, and tweak sometimes connote points along a
   continuum.  `Frob' connotes aimless manipulation; `twiddle'
   connotes gross manipulation, often a coarse search for a proper
   setting; `tweak' connotes fine-tuning.  If someone is turning a
   knob on an oscilloscope, then if he's carefully adjusting it, he is
   probably tweaking it; if he is just turning it but looking at the
   screen, he is probably twiddling it; but if he's just doing it
   because turning a knob is fun, he's frobbing it.  The variant
   `frobnosticate' has been recently reported.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:frobnitz: /frob'nits/, plural `frobnitzem' /frob'nit-zm/ or
   `frobni' /frob'ni:/ [TMRC] n. An unspecified physical object, a
   widget.  Also refers to electronic black boxes.  This rare form is
   usually abbreviated to `frotz', or more commonly to {frob}.
   Also used are `frobnule' (/frob'n[y]ool/) and `frobule'
   (/frob'yool/).  Starting perhaps in 1979, `frobozz'
   /fr*-boz'/ (plural: `frobbotzim' /fr*-bot'zm/) has also
   become very popular, largely through its exposure as a name via
   {Zork}.  These variants can also be applied to nonphysical
   objects, such as data structures.

   Pete Samson, compiler of the original {TMRC} lexicon, adds,
   "Under the TMRC [railroad] layout were many storage boxes, managed
   (in 1958) by David R. Sawyer.  Several had fanciful designations
   written on them, such as `Frobnitz Coil Oil'.  Perhaps DRS intended
   Frobnitz to be a proper name, but the name was quickly taken for
   the thing".  This was almost certainly the origin of the
   term.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Frobozz Magic Tagline Co. Inc.
%%
Frodo is not dead. He retired and is living in Miami.
%%
:frog: alt. `phrog' 1. interj. Term of disgust (we seem to have
   a lot of them).  2. Used as a name for just about anything.  See
   {foo}.  3. n. Of things, a crock.  4. n. Of people, somewhere in
   between a turkey and a toad.  5. `froggy': adj. Similar to
   {bagbiting}, but milder.  "This froggy program is taking
   forever to run!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:frogging: [University of Waterloo] v. 1. Partial corruption of a
   text file or input stream by some bug or consistent glitch, as
   opposed to random events like line noise or media failures.  Might
   occur, for example, if one bit of each incoming character on a tty
   were stuck, so that some characters were correct and others were
   not.  See {terminak} for a historical example.  2. By extension,
   accidental display of text in a mode where the output device emits
   special symbols or mnemonics rather than conventional ASCII.  This
   often happens, for example, when using a terminal or comm program
   on a device like an IBM PC with a special `high-half' character set
   and with the bit-parity assumption wrong.  A hacker sufficiently
   familiar with ASCII bit patterns might be able to read the display
   anyway.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FROG: How you English say:  I one more time, mac, I unclog my nose towards
      you, sons of a window-dresser,  so, you think you could out-clever us
      French fellows with your silly knees-bent creeping about advancing
      behaviour.  (blows a raspberry) I wave my private parts at your aunties,
      you brightly-coloured, mealy-templed, cranberry-smelling, electric
      donkey-bottom biters.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
FROG,n. An amphibian with edible legs.
%%
FROG, n.  A reptile with edible legs.  The first mention of frogs in
profane literature is in Homer's narrative of the war between them and
the mice.  Skeptical persons have doubted Homer's authorship of the
work, but the learned, ingenious and industrious Dr. Schliemann has
set the question forever at rest by uncovering the bones of the slain
frogs.  One of the forms of moral suasion by which Pharaoh was
besought to favor the Israelities was a plague of frogs, but Pharaoh,
who liked them _fricasees_, remarked, with truly oriental stoicism,
that he could stand it as long as the frogs and the Jews could; so the
programme was changed.  The frog is a diligent songster, having a good
voice but no ear.  The libretto of his favorite opera, as written by
Aristophanes, is brief, simple and effective -- "brekekex-koax"; the
music is apparently by that eminent composer, Richard Wagner.  Horses
have a frog in each hoof -- a thoughtful provision of nature, enabling
them to shine in a hurdle race.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Frogs are my favorite vegetable.
%%
'Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them.'
 -- Sign in an office
%%
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in
 sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still
 obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
%%
From a chicken in every pot to a chicken smokin' pot
%%
From a fallen tree, all make kindling.
 -- Spanish proverb
%%
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles
 and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
 yourself.
%%
"From all us Slackers to all you Boomers ... HAHAHAHAHAHA! WE HAVE
SATELLITE MOUNTED RAIL-GUNS! HEH HEH. Who's laughing now?"
 -- S. Lang
%%
From all who dwell below the skies
Let the Creator's praise arise;
Let the Redeemer's name be sung
Through every land, by every tongue.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Psalm cxvii
%%
From a long view of the history of mankind -- seen from, say, ten thousand
years from now -- there can be little doubt that the most significant event
of the 19th century will be judged as Maxwell's discovery of the laws of
electrodynamics.  The American Civil War will pale into provincial
insignificance in comparison with this important scientific event of the
same decade.
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988)
%%
[From an announcement of a congress of the International Ontopsychology
Association, in Rome]:

The Ontopsychological school, availing itself of new research criteria
and of a new telematic epistemology, maintains that social modes do not
spring from dialectics of territory or of class, or of consumer goods,
or of means of power, but rather from dynamic latencies capillarized in
millions of individuals in system functions which, once they have
reached the event maturation, burst forth in catastrophic phenomenology
engaging a suitable stereotype protagonist or duty marionette (general,
president, political party, etc.) to consummate the act of social
schizophrenia in mass genocide.
%%
From an operating system research point of view, Unix is -- if not dead --
 certainly old stuff, and it's clear that people should be looking beyond it.
 -- Dennis Ritchie, coinventor of Unix, Usenix keynote speech from Summer 1990
     [and no, that doesn't mean to VMS, MS-DOS or OS/2]
%%
From a readers' Q and A column in TV GUIDE: If we get involved in
a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from exploding bombs
damage my videotapes?
 -- TV Guide, 1985
%%
From birth to age eighteen a girl needs good parents; from eighteen to
 thirty-five she needs good looks; from thirty-five to fifty-five she needs
 a good personality; from fifty-five on, she needs good cash.
 -- Sophie Tucker
%%
From C:\*.* to shining C:\*.*
%%
From Dan even to Beer-sheba.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, xx, 1
%%
From Dave Spensley, Sysop, Uncle "D"s Directory
%%
From Disk and all of the little Diskettes
%%
From each according to his abilities,
to each according to his needs.
 -- Karl Marx
%%
From envy, hatred, and malice, and all uncharitableness.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- The Litany
%%
From error to error one discovers the entire truth.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
From every place below the skies
  The grateful song, the fervent prayer,--
The incense of the heart,
  To heaven, and find acceptance there.
 -- John Pierpont (1785-1866)
 -- Every Place a Temple
%%
From Floppy to HARD Drive in 0.29 Nanoseconds.. :)
%%
From Greenland's icy mountains,
  From India's coral strand,
Where Afric's sunny fountains
  Roll down their golden sand.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- Missionary Hymn
%%
From Hamlet to Kierkegaard, the word "Danish" has been synonymous with
 fun, fun, fun.
%%
From harmony, from heavenly harmony,
      This universal frame began:
      From harmony to harmony
Through all the compass of the notes it ran,
The diapason closing full in Man.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- A Song for St. Cecilia's Day, Line 11
%%
From haunted spring and dale
Edg'd with poplar pale
The parting genius is with sighing sent.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Hymn on Christ's Nativity, Line 184
%%
From Helicon's harmonious springs
A thousand rills their mazy progress take.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Progress of Poesy, I, 1, Line 3
%%
From hence, let fierce contending nations know
What dire effects from civil discord flow.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act v, Sc. 4
%%
From hence, ye beauties, undeceived
Know one false step is ne'er retrieved
And be with caution bold.
Not all that tempts your wandering eyes
And heedless hearts is lawful prize,
Not all that glisters gold.
 -- Tomas Gray
 -- Elegy To A Favourite Cat Drowned In A Bowl Of Goldfishes
%%
From here to there and back.
%%
From humble Port to imperial Tokay.
 -- James Townley (1715-1778)
 -- High Life below Stairs, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
From ignorance our comfort flows.
The only wretched are the wise.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- To the Hon. Charles Montague
%%
From its modest beginnings in Southern California's San Fernando Valley,
VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the industry.

Here is a sample program:
      LIKE, Y*KNOW(I MEAN)START
     IF PIZZA = LIKE BITCHEN AND GUY = LIKE TUBULAR AND
       VALLEY GIRL = LIKE GRODY**MAX(FERSURE)**2 THEN
             FOR I = LIKE 1 TO OH*MAYBE 100
                        DO*WAH - (DITTY**2)
                   BARF(I)=TOTALLY GROSS(OUT)
            SURE
  LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM
 REALLY
        LIKE TOTALLY (Y*KNOW)
 IM*SURE
       GOTO THE MALL

When the user makes a syntax error, the interpreter displays the message:

  GAG ME WITH A SPOON!!
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #5: VALGOL
%%
From "LeapTrek", a novel by Katriena Knights.
 Al's (Quatum Leap) remarks about Commander William Riker (StarTrek -
 The Next Generation):
 "Tell him to loosen up.  God, he's stiff even for a military man.
 Just looking at him makes me uncomfortable.  He looks like somebody
 stuck a broomstick up his ..."
%%
From "LeapTrek", a novel by Katriena Knights.
 Al's (Quatum Leap) remark to Captain Jean-Luc Picard (StarTrek -
 The Next Generation):
 "Oh, really? Well, if your technology is so advanced, how come you
 haven't figured out some way to keep your hair?"
%%
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
%%
From lower to the higher next,
Not to the top, is Nature's text;
And embryo Good, to reach full stature,
Absorbs the Evil in its nature.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Festina Lente, Moral
%%
From lowest place when virtuous things proceed,
The place is dignified by the doer's deed.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
> From MAILER-DAEMON@Think.COM Thu Mar  2 13:59:11 1989
> Subject: Returned mail: unknown mailer error 255
Dale, your address no longer functions.  Can you fix it at your end?
 -- Bill Wolfe (wtwolfe@hubcap.clemson.edu)
Bill, Your brain no longer functions.  Can you fix it at your end?
 -- Karl A. Nyberg (nyberg@ajpo.sei.cmu.edu)
%%
>From Michael Davis' article Thinking Like an Engineer: the Place of a Code of
Ethics in the Practice of a Profession, Philosophy and Public Affairs, Spring
1991, Vol. 20 #2:

     Lund's [the engineer who expressed concern about the Challenger's O-rings]
    first response was to repeat his objections.  But then Mason said
   something that made him think again.  Mason asked him to THINK LIKE A
   MANAGER INSTEAD OF AN ENGINEER (the exact words seemed to have been take
    off your engineering hat and put on your management hat.)   Lund did and
   changed his mind. The next morning the shuttle exploded, killing all aboard.
   An O-ring had failed.
 -- RISKS-FORUM Digest 11.84
%%
From morn
To noon he fell, from noon to dewy eve,--
A summer's day; and with the setting sun
Dropp'd from the Zenith like a falling star.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 742
%%
From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own.
%%
From my father: "Always be ready to come off the bench." It was his way of
 saying, "Be prepared."
 -- Morton Dean
%%
From Nepean, Ontario, Canada
%%
From Nic's file of Seldom Useful Information ...
%%
From north to south, from east to west.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Day
%%
From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which
I will not put.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
From now on, I'm watching everything you do with a fine-toothed comb.
%%
From now on, you'll stand out in life as an individual.
Will I?
Well, of course you will. All the other slaves will be black.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Amy and Amiability
%%
From old Belerium to the northern main.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Windsor Forest, Line 316
%%
From one feeler to another
%%
  From our investigative news team ...
-TOP SECRET- photo of VMS operating system!   _o######ooooooo-_
                                            o#####o_o#####~~~~~~
                                           ################o__o
                                         _o###########~~~~~###~
                                       o##############
                                    _o###############~
                                  _o#########~ooo~##~
                               _o############# ##o::___
                            _o#################oo:~~~~~
                         _o#####################~
                       _####~_oooooooo:~~######~
                     _##### o###########_:~##~
                    o#####_##################
                   _#######_~#################_
                   ##########o:~###############o
                 _##############o~##############_
               o#############~~     ~~~~~~~######_
           __o##########~::o_             o#######
      _oo##########~~::o#####            o###########o___
  o##########~~~~    ~~~##########       ~~~~#############o
 #####~~~~~~                ~~~
%%
From out of all the many particulars comes oneness, and out of oneness come
all the many particulars.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
From principles is derived probability, but truth or certainty is
obtained only from facts.
 -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
From Rambo to Reality
%%
From reveries so airy, from the toil
Of dropping buckets into empty wells,
And growing old in drawing nothing up.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iii, The Garden, Line 188
%%
From Rodd's Back Room near Des Moines....
%%
From Ross Hawg's Office
%%
From scenes like these old Scotia's grandeur springs,
  That makes her loved at home, revered abroad:
Princes and lords are but the breath of kings,
  "An honest man 's the noblest work of God."
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Cotter's Saturday Night
%%
From seeming evil still educing good.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- Hymn, Line 114
%%
From Sharp minds come... pointed heads.
 -- Bryan Sparrowhawk
%%
From stupidity there is always something to be learned, but
it's always the same thing: don't be stupid.
 -- Robert M. Adams
%%
From the 1st of January 1996, owing to Common Market influences, cars and
 motorcycles will drive on the right hand side of the road. If this is goes
 well, lorries and buses will do the same the following year!
%%
from the ancient Greek:  Oxus = "sharp", Moros = "dull"
 -- Oxymoron
%%
From the April 9, 1990, London (Ontario, Canada) Free Press:
A suspect in Friday's armed robbery of a CIBC bank branch in London
was still free late Sunday after bluffing his way out of the city
police holding cells, posing as someone being held on a drunk charge.
Meanwhile, a man who was held hostage and whose car was used as a
getaway vehicle [for the robbery] was stuck with a $50 towing charge
after police hauled it away to check for evidence.
%%
From the Bar of the USS Crazy Horse, NCC-4681-R.
%%
From The Church Of Logic, Sin And Love...
%%
From the City of the THONG BACK Bathing Suites!!!
%%
   From the coffee-colored skies, rain dripped incessantly on the
grounds of the deCroissant estate and on the upturned mugs of Link
Sausage, private eye, and his girl friend Patti, who knew they had to
split this case - deCroissant may have been totally flaky, but his
French wife, Miette, had been the toast of three continents until
someone (either deCroissant himself or possibly Miette's hard-boiled
lover, Poche) had cracked under the pressure of shelling out for the
lady's expensive tastes and had scrambled her brains sometime early on
this tart spring morning, leaving Link and Patti no choice but to grill
both men before either had a chance to waffle his way out of the current
jam.
 -- Lynda Carraher (From ''Son of 'It Was a Dark and Stormy Night''')
%%
From the Committee to Use Professional Politicians as Lab Animals.
%%
From the creative workshops of Soong, Inc.
%%
From the crown of his head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth;
he has twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman
dare not shoot at him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his
tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
From the crown of his head to the sole of his foot,
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
From the crown of our head to the sole of our foot.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- A Mad World, my Masters, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
From the crown of the head to the sole of the foot.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Honest Man's Fortune, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
From The Department of Duplicates Office (DODO).
%%
From the Desk of the Happy Hacker...
%%
From the errors of others a wise man corrects his own.
 -- Publius Syrus
%%
From the foure corners of the worlde doe haste.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Day
%%
From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli,
we are all tools of the Conspiracy...
%%
From the horridness of this crime, I do conclude that, of
all others, it requires the clearest relevancy and most
convincing probature; and I condemn, next to the witches
themselves, those cruel and too forward judges who burn
persons by thousands as guilty of this crime.
 -- Sir George Mackenzie
%%
From the J.S. Bach Planned Parenthood Center
%%
From the land of graft and corruption!
%%
From the makers of solar flashlights, it's DEHYDRATED WATER!
%%
From Themistocles began the saying, "He is a second Hercules."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Theseus
%%
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with
 laughter.  Some day I intend reading it.
 -- "The Book of Insults", Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
%%
[From the operation manual for the CI-300 Dot Matrix Line Printer, made
in Japan]:

The excellent output machine of MODEL CI-300 as extraordinary DOT
MATRIX LINE PRINTER, built in two MICRO-PROCESSORs as well as EAROM, is
featured by permitting wonderful co-existence such as; high quality
against low cost, diversified functions with compact design,
flexibility in accessibleness and durability of approx. 2000,000,00
Dot/Head, being sophisticated in mechanism but possibly agile
operating under noises being extremely suppressed etc.

And as a matter of course, the final goal is just simply to help
achieve super shuttle diplomacy between cool data, perhaps earned by
HOST COMPUTER, and warm heart of human being.
%%
From the persistence of noise comes the insistence of rage.
From the emergence of tone comes the divergence of thought.
From the enlightenment of music comes the wisdom of... silence.
 -- Visions of Gregorian Chants
%%
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.
 -- Dr. Seuss
%%
From the still-vexed Bermoothes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
From the strife of tongues.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxi, 20
%%
From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.
 -- Napoleon
%%
From the time we first begin to know, We live and learn, but not the
wiser grow.
 -- Pomfret
%%
From the Tulanian, the Tulane alumna magazine:
   Politicians are like bananas:
   They're green when you pick 'em,
   ant then they hang around in bunches and get rotten.
%%
From The Valley of The Dulls - Lehigh Valley.
%%
From the very beginning dogs set out to please their masters, not the other
 way around ... They were put to work to perform a wide variety of chores.
 And so today's canine community is broken up into such groups as hunting
 dogs, shepherd dogs, military dogs, racing dogs, watchdogs ... Not so with
 cats. All go under the banner of "pet," a word the dictionary defines as
 "any loved and cherished creature," an excellent choice of words from the
 cat's point of view ... Dogs travel hundreds of miles during their lifetime
 responding to such commands as "come" and "fetch." Cats approach people
 only when there is a reason, and not always even then.
 -- Stephen Baker
%%
From this arises the question whether it is better to be loved rather
than feared or feared rather than loved.  One might perhaps answer
that we should wish to be both, but since love and fear can hardly
exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be
feared than loved.
 -- Machiavelli
%%
From thousands of our undone widows
One may derive some wit.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- A Trick to catch the Old One, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
From toil he wins his spirits light,
From busy day the peaceful night;
Rich, from the very want of wealth,
In heaven's best treasures, peace and health.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Ode on the Pleasure arising from Vicissitude, Line 93
%%
From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving,
Whatever gods may be,
That no life lives forever,
That dead men rise up never,
That even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
 -- Swinburne
%%
From up on the rooftops there arose such a clatter,
 I ran from my bed to see what was the matter.
 I ran to the window and threw up.
 -- Tom Smothers
%%
From uucp Mon Dec  3 21:05:46 1979
%%
From vulgar bounds with brave disorder part,
And snatch a grace beyond the reach of art.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part i, Line 152
%%
From Waharoa to Auckland....
%%
"From what I could make out, they were bragging, insulting each other, and
 telling off color jokes.  And there was duct tape on their vehicles. I
 guess some things are universal."
 -- Sam, commenting on a Swiss F1 motorcycle racing team
%%
From what I've tasted of desire...
 -- Frost
%%
From which room can one enter the robber's hideaway without passing
through the cyclops room?
%%
From whose eyelids also as they gazed dropped love.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- The Theogony, Line 910
%%
From wine what sudden friendship springs!
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part ii, The Squire and his Cur
%%
From without, no wonderful effect is wrought within ourselves, unless
some interior, responding wonder meets it.
 -- Herman Melville
%%
From women's eyes this doctrine I derive:
They sparkle still the right Promethean fire;
They are the books, the arts, the academes,
That show, contain, and nourish all the world, Else, none at all
in aught proves excellent.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
  From yon blue heaven above us bent,
The grand old gardener and his wife
  Smile at the claims of long descent.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Lady Clara Vere de Vere, Stanza 7
%%
:front end: n. 1. An intermediary computer that does set-up and
   filtering for another (usually more powerful but less friendly)
   machine (a `back end').  2. What you're talking to when you
   have a conversation with someone who is making replies without
   paying attention.  "Look at the dancing elephants!"  "Uh-huh."
   "Do you know what I just said?"  "Sorry, you were talking to the
   front end."  See also {fepped out}.  3. Software that provides
   an interface to another program `behind' it, which may not be as
   user-friendly.  Probably from analogy with hardware front-ends (see
   sense 1) that interfaced with mainframes.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
front points: forwardmost extremities of a female climber on a chilly morning.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Frood: really amazingly together guy
%%
Frostbite Falls Minnesota, home of Watsa Matta U.
%%
:frotzed: /frotst/ adj. {down} because of hardware problems.  Compare
   {fried}.  A machine that is merely frotzed may be fixable
   without replacing parts, but a fried machine is more seriously
   damaged.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:frotz: /frots/ 1. n. See {frobnitz}.  2. `mumble frotz': An
   interjection of mildest disgust.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Frozen, Instant, Takeout, & Microwave.
 -- The four food groups
%%
FRS: Fetch Ring of Sauron
%%
Frugality may be termed the daughter of prudence, the sister of temperance,
and the parent of liberty. He that is extravagant will quickly become
poor, and poverty will enforce dependence and invite corruption.
 -- Johnson
%%
Fruit Loops are cheerio's on drugs.
%%
Fruit Loops: Gay Cheerios
%%
Fruity as a nutcake.
%%
Frumble!  Frumble!  Istharcity!
%%
Frustrated hackers use self-modifying infinite perversion.
%%
:fry: 1. vi. To fail.  Said especially of smoke-producing hardware
   failures.  More generally, to become non-working.  Usage: never
   said of software, only of hardware and humans.  See {fried},
   {magic smoke}.  2. vt. To cause to fail; to {roach}, {toast},
   or {hose} a piece of hardware.  Never used of software or humans,
   but compare {fried}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FSE: Fake Serious Error
%%
FS: Feign Sleep
%%
F-Shock: discovering, after having a flash photo, that you are albino.
%%
FSM: Fold, Spindle and Mutilate
%%
FSRA: Forms Skip and Run Away
%%
FSR: Form Skip and Runaway
%%
FSU-28  UM-10; FSU-33  UF-21: State Football Champions of Florida `93
%%
FSU Seminoles -- 1992, 1993 ACC Football Champions!!!!!!!
%%
FSU Seminoles -- 1993 National Collegiate Football Champions!!!!!!!!
%%
FSU Seminoles -- 1993 Orange Bowl Champions!!!!!!!!
%%
FSU Seminoles -- 1993 State University Football Champions!!!!!!!
%%
ftar, awk, awk, yac, grep, go BERKELEY!
%%
:FTP: /F-T-P/, *not* /fit'ip/ 1. [techspeak] n. The File
   Transfer Protocol for transmitting files between systems on the
   Internet.  2. vt. To {beam} a file using the File Transfer
   Protocol.  3. Sometimes used as a generic even for file transfers
   not using {FTP}.  "Lemme get a copy of "Wuthering
   Heights" ftp'd from uunet."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FUBAR -- military term which describes Clinton's foreign policy.
%%
:FUBAR: n. The Failed UniBus Address Register in a VAX.  A good
   example of how jargon can occasionally be snuck past the {suit}s;
   see {foobar}, and {foo} for a fuller etymology.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FUBB -- Fouled Up Beyond Belief
%%
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
 -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs
%%
Fuckin' A!   Purple Haze!!!
 -- Louie Gonzalez, Geometry class, 1973
%%
:fuck me harder: excl. Sometimes uttered in response to egregious
   misbehavior, esp. in software, and esp. of misbehaviors which
   seem unfairly persistent (as though designed in by the imp of the
   perverse).  Often theatrically elaborated: "Aiighhh! Fuck me with
   a piledriver and 16 feet of curare-tipped wrought-iron fence
   *and no lubricants*!" The phrase is sometimes heard
   abbreviated `FMH' in polite company.

   [This entry is an extreme example of the hackish habit of coining
   elaborate and evocative terms for lossage. Here we see a quite
   self-conscious parody of mainstream expletives that has become a
   running gag in part of the hacker culture; it illustrates the
   hackish tendency to turn any situation, even one of extreme
   frustration, into an intellectual game (the point being, in this
   case, to creatively produce a long-winded description of the
   most anatomically absurd mental image possible --- the short forms
   implicitly allude to all the ridiculous long forms ever spoken).
   Scatological language is actually relatively uncommon among
   hackers, and there was some controversy over whether this entry
   ought to be included at all.  As it reflects a live usage
   recognizably peculiar to the hacker culture, we feel it is
   in the hackish spirit of truthfulness and opposition to all
   forms of censorship to record it here. --- ESR & GLS]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FUCK
  You've just been waiting for this definition, haven't you. Here is
  how to use the word 'fuck' in almost any conversation.
      NORMAL EXPRESSION                            FUCKING EXPRESSION
      ---------------------                        ------------------
      I am surprised                               Well, fuck me
      Please go away quickly                       Fuck off
      My condition is one of fatigue               I'm fucked
      You seem to have made an error of judgement  You fucked up
      Stop engaging in frivolous activities        Stop fucking about
      He is a person of below average intellect    What a dumb fucker
      That option is not a suitable choice         Fuck that
      I have not made significant progress         I've done fuck all
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
%%
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmng.
%%
f u cn rd ths, u cnt spl wrth a dm!
%%
f u cn rd ths, u r usng unx
%%
:FUD: /fuhd/ n. Defined by Gene Amdahl after he left IBM to found
   his own company: "FUD is the fear, uncertainty, and doubt that IBM
   sales people instill in the minds of potential customers who might
   be considering [Amdahl] products."  The idea, of course, was to
   persuade them to go with safe IBM gear rather than with
   competitors' equipment.  This implicit coercion was traditionally
   accomplished by promising that Good Things would happen to people
   who stuck with IBM, but Dark Shadows loomed over the future of
   competitors' equipment or software.  See {IBM}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:fudge: 1. vt. To perform in an incomplete but marginally acceptable
   way, particularly with respect to the writing of a program.  "I
   didn't feel like going through that pain and suffering, so I fudged
   it --- I'll fix it later."  2. n. The resulting code.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:fudge factor: n. A value or parameter that is varied in an ad hoc way
   to produce the desired result.  The terms `tolerance' and
   {slop} are also used, though these usually indicate a one-sided
   leeway, such as a buffer that is made larger than necessary
   because one isn't sure exactly how large it needs to be, and it is
   better to waste a little space than to lose completely for not
   having enough.  A fudge factor, on the other hand, can often be
   tweaked in more than one direction.  A good example is the `fuzz'
   typically allowed in floating-point calculations: two numbers being
   compared for equality must be allowed to differ by a small amount;
   if that amount is too small, a computation may never terminate,
   while if it is too large, results will be needlessly inaccurate.
   Fudge factors are frequently adjusted incorrectly by programmers
   who don't fully understand their import.  See also {coefficient
   of X}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fudge found in keyboard;  Delete children (Y/N)?
%%
:FUD wars: /fuhd worz/ n. [from {FUD}] Political posturing engaged in
   by hardware and software vendors ostensibly committed to
   standardization but actually willing to fragment the market to
   protect their own shares.  The UNIX International vs. OSF conflict
   is but one outstanding example.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:fuel up: vi. To eat or drink hurriedly in order to get back to
   hacking.  "Food-p?"  "Yeah, let's fuel up."  "Time for a
   {great-wall}!"  See also {{oriental food}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
FUI GENERIS - What's mine is mine.
%%
F u kin reed this, thank a teechor.
%%
Full bravely hast thou fleshed
Thy maiden sword.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Full fathom five thy father lies;
  Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
  Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Full links byte.
%%
Full little knowest thou that hast not tride,
What hell it is in suing long to bide:
To loose good dayes, that might be better spent;
To wast long nights in pensive discontent;
To speed to-day, to be put back to-morrow;
To feed on hope, to pine with feare and sorrow.

To fret thy soule with crosses and with cares;
To eate thy heart through comfortlesse dispaires;
To fawne, to crowche, to waite, to ride, to ronne,
To spend, to give, to want, to be undonne.
Unhappie wight, borne to desastrous end,
That doth his life in so long tendance spend!
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- Mother Hubberds Tale, Line 895
%%
Full many a gem of purest ray serene
  The dark unfathom'd caves of ocean bear;
Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,
  And waste its sweetness on the desert air.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 14
%%
Full many a glorious morning have I seen.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet xxxiii
%%
Full moon risen and my fever is high.
 -- Eagles
%%
Full Moon: Seymour Buns
%%
Full nakedness! All joyes are due to thee,
As souls unbodied, bodies uncloth'd must be
To taste whole joyes.
 -- John Donne, "Elegie XIX"
%%
Full retro-thrust and ten degrees starboard!!! (Or, something....)
%%
Full throttle, dry tank.
%%
Full wise is he that can himselven knowe.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Monkes Tale, Line 1449
%%
Fully compatable with everything, past, present, or future.
%%
Fulton County Disaster Coordinator
 -- On a government issue car
%%
Ful wel she sange the service devine,
Entuned in hire nose ful swetely;
And Frenche she spake ful fayre and fetisly,
After the scole of Stratford atte bowe,
For Frenche of Paris was to hire unknowe.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 122
%%
:fum: [XEROX PARC] n. At PARC, often the third of the standard
   {metasyntactic variable}s (after {foo} and {bar}).  Competes
   with {baz}, which is more common outside PARC.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Functionality; All the Functionality; And nothing but the Functionality.
 -- Beck's Motto
%%
function of art is to edit nature and so to make it coherent
and lovely. The artist is a sort of impassioned proofreader, blue-penciling
the bad spelling of God.
%%
Function point analysis
 cost modelling a program by what it won't do,
 rather than by how big it won't be
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Fundamentalism:  an effective form of mirth control.
%%
Fundamentalism:  Fund (give cash); amentalism (without brains).
%%
Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind.
%%
Fundamentalist libraries only need shelf space for one book.
%%
Fundamentalist:  One who's mental and wants your funds.
%%
Fundamentalists are to Christianity what paint-by-numbers is to art.
 -- Robin Tyler
%%
Fundamentalists, fanatics and nuts...oh my!
%%
Fundies and Undies.  Neither should air in public.
%%
FUNERAL, n.  A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by
enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure
that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

    The savage dies -- they sacrifice a horse
    To bear to happy hunting-grounds the corse.
    Our friends expire -- we make the money fly
    In hope their souls will chase it to the sky.
                                                            Jex Wopley
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Funeral services were held this week for 82-year-old chewing-gum magnate
 Philip K. Wrigley. In keeping with his last request, Wrigley's remains will
 be stuck to the bottom of a luncheonette counter.
 -- Jane Curtin
%%
Fun, fun, fun, til her daddy takes her Blue Wave away!
%%
Fun? FUN? What "fun?" I'm a Sysop!
%%
Fungi: the life of the party.
%%
Fungus trellis
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
Fun is a good thing but only when it spoils nothing better.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952), The Sense of Beauty (1896) "The Comic"
%%
Fun is flaming people who post stupid questions.
%%
Fun is just point of view.
%%
FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
FUNK OFF!
%%
:funky: adj. Said of something that functions, but in a slightly
   strange, klugey way.  It does the job and would be difficult to
   change, so its obvious non-optimality is left alone.  Often used to
   describe interfaces.  The more bugs something has that nobody has
   bothered to fix because workarounds are easier, the funkier it is.
   {TECO} and UUCP are funky.  The Intel i860's exception handling is
   extraordinarily funky.  Most standards acquire funkiness as they
   age.  "The new mailer is installed, but is still somewhat funky;
   if it bounces your mail for no reason, try resubmitting it."
   "This UART is pretty funky.  The data ready line is active-high in
   interrupt mode and active-low in DMA mode."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Funnier than Johnny Carson, but then again, who isn't?
%%
Funny, everyone who agrees with me sounds so sensible.
%%
"Funny how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse
it suddenly does."
 -- Marvin, the Paranoid Android
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Funny how life imitates LSD.
%%
Funny how these things always happen to me?!?!
%%
Funny how two people can see the same event differently.
%%
Funny, I don't remember being absentminded.
%%
Funny, I don't remember inviting you to this conversation.
%%
Funny, I just knew you were going to say that.
%%
:funny money: n. 1. Notional `dollar' units of computing time
   and/or storage handed to students at the beginning of a computer
   course; also called `play money' or `purple money' (in implicit
   opposition to real or `green' money).  In New Zealand and Germany
   the odd usage `paper money' has been recorded; in Germany, the
   particularly amusing synonym `transfer ruble' commemmorates the
   funny money used for trade between COMECON countries back when the
   Soviet Bloc still existed.  When your funny money ran out, your
   account froze and you needed to go to a professor to get more.
   Fortunately, the plunging cost of timesharing cycles has made this
   less common.  The amounts allocated were almost invariably too
   small, even for the non-hackers who wanted to slide by with minimum
   work.  In extreme cases, the practice led to small-scale black
   markets in bootlegged computer accounts.  2. By extension, phantom
   money or quantity tickets of any kind used as a resource-allocation
   hack within a system.  Antonym: `real money'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Funny noises are not funny.
%%
Funny, only sensible people agree with me.
%%
Funny...These cookies taste nothing like Girl Scouts...
%%
Funny thing about being a parent.  There aren't any tech manuals;
  no quick readouts to get you through the next set of variables.
 -- Kyle Riker, "The Icarus Factor,"  stardate 42686.4.
%%
"Funny thing about desire.  If it's not crude, it's not pure."
 -- Dr. Caligari
%%
Funny you should mention that, I was a gynecologist once.
 -- Pick up line
%%
Funny you should use the word "taste"...
%%
 (Fun to leave on a friend's machine when he's away...  Sounds of
 raptuous sex:)  Hi.  Mike can't come to the phone right now
 because he's having sex.  If you leave your name and number,
 he'll get back with you in juuust a second.  (Male groan; female
 voice:)  That's it?
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Fun with Fertilizer will never make it as network show.
 -- Dan
%%
Furbling, v.:
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
even when you are the only person in line.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
 -- H. H. Williams
%%
:furrfu: // [USENET] excl. Written-only equivalent of
   "Sheesh!"; it is, in fact, "sheesh" modified by {rot13}.
   Evolved in mid-1992 as a response to notably silly postings
   repeating urban myths on the USENET newsgroup
   alt.folklore.urban, after some posters complained that
   "Sheesh!" as a response to {newbie}s was being overused.  See
   also {FOAF}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Furriers appreciate good beaver.
%%
Fur sail cheep, Windoze spill chekker, works grate.
%%
Further, higher, faster, onward, upward...
%%
Futility is futile.
%%
Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
%%
Future, n.  That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our
friends are true, and our happiness is assured.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
FUTURISTIC .......... It will only run on the next generation super-computer
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
                              ,+*~~*+___+++_
                         ,*~~~~              )
                      _+*                     ~**+_
        _+~~*+_    (     ,+*~ ~          \+_        )
       {       )  (    ,(    ,_+--+--,      ~)      ~\
      { (@)    } f   ,(  ,+-~ __*_*_  ~~\_   ~\       )
     {:;-/    (_+*-+~~~~~+*+*<_ _++_)_    )    )      /
    ( /  (    (        ,___    ~*+_+* )   <    <      \
     U _/     )    *--<  ) ~\-----++__)   )    )       )
      (      )  _(~)~~))  )  )\~~~~~))~*+/    /       /
    (      /  (_))_~)) )  )  ))~~~~~))~~~)__/     +~~
   (     ,/    (~))~))  )  ) ))~~~~~~~))~~)       _)
    *+__+*       (_))~)  ) ) ))~~~~~~))~~~~~)____*~
    \             \_)~)_)) ))~~~~~~~~~~))~~~~)
     (_             ~\__~~~~~~~~~~~~))~~~~~~~)
       ~\___            ~\__~~~~~~))~~~~~~~~)\\
            ~~~~~\uuu/~~\uuu/~~~~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\
               ___) >____) >___   ~\_\_\_\_\_\_\)
              ~~~//\\_~~//\\_~       ~(\_\_\_\)
                ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
%%
:fuzzball: [TCP/IP hackers] n. A DEC LSI-11 running a particular
   suite of homebrewed software written by Dave Mills and assorted
   co-conspirators, used in the early 1980s for Internet protocol
   testbedding and experimentation.  These were used as NSFnet
   backbone sites in its early 56KB-line days; a few are still active
   on the Internet as of early 1991, doing odd jobs such as network
   time service.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Fuzzy Logic:  A Vulcan contemplating a tribble.
%%
Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the actual costs.
 -- Golub's First Law of Computerdom
%%
Fuzzy theorists both do it and don't do it.
%%
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he?
%%
Fuzzy Wuzzy wuz a bear.
%%
F:      When into a room I plunge, I
  Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI.
     Then I linger, darkly brooding
        On the poison they're exuding.
 -- The Roguelet's ABC
%%
F x S = k.  The product of freedom and security is a constant.
%%
FYBR: Follow Yellow Brick Road
%%
Ga'ach is always best when served live!
 -- Klag
%%
Gaakk..it's not just for breakfast anymore!
%%
:gabriel: /gay'bree-*l/ [for Dick Gabriel, SAIL LISP hacker and
   volleyball fanatic] n. An unnecessary (in the opinion of the
   opponent) stalling tactic, e.g., tying one's shoelaces or combing
   one's hair repeatedly, asking the time, etc.  Also used to refer to
   the perpetrator of such tactics.  Also, `pulling a Gabriel',
   `Gabriel mode'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GAD, a refugee from AUTORACE.....!
%%
:gag: vi. Equivalent to {choke}, but connotes more disgust. "Hey,
   this is FORTRAN code.  No wonder the C compiler gagged."  See also
   {barf}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gain not base gains; base gains are the same as losses.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 353
%%
Galactic Hitch Hiker.
%%
Galactic Intelligence Test #1. Avoid contact with humans.
%%
Galactic ticket inspectors?   Oh, I could murder a cup of tea.
 -- Sarah, The Time Warrior
%%
GALAHAD:   Camelot ...
LAUNCELOT: Camelot ...
GAWAIN:    It's only a model.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
   GALAHAD hurries to the door and pushes through it.  As he leaves the room
   we CUT TO the reverse to show that he is now in a room full of bathing
   and romping GIRLIES, all innocent, wide-eyed and beautiful.  They smile
   enchantingly at him as he tries to keep walking without being diverted by
   the lovely sights assaulting his eyeballs.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
GALAHAD: No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!
GIRLS:   Yes, yes, let him Tackle us single-handed!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
GALAHAD: No look, really, this isn't nescess ...
PIGLET:  We must examine you.
GALAHAD: There's nothing wrong with ... that.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
GALAHAD: No, please.  Please! I can defeat them!  There's only a hundred.
GIRLS:   He will beat us easily.  We haven't a chance.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
   GALAHAD turns back.  We see from his POV the lovely ZOOT standing by him
   smiling enchantingly and a number of equally delectable GIRLIES draped
   around in the seductively poulticed room.  They look at him smilingly and
   wave.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Gallantry consists in saying the most empty things in an agreeable manner.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
GALLOWS, n.  A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which
the leading actor is translated to heaven.  In this country the
gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it.

    Whether on the gallows high
        Or where blood flows the reddest,
    The noblest place for man to die --
        Is where he died the deadest.
                                                            (Old play)
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Gallup Poll: Kim 3%, Jean 2%, Audrey .5% Anyone else: 94.5%
%%
Gamblers do it on a hunch.
%%
Gamblers do it with a kidde (kitty).
%%
Gamblers take heart! Capital gains tax is over.
%%
Gambling: Monty Carlos
%%
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
Game Blaster is NOT Adlib compatible.
%%
Game is an ill you may with ease obtain, A sad oppression to be born
with pain; And when you would the noisy clamor drown, You'll find
it hard to lay the burden down.
 -- Cooke
%%
Game Operations Direct or
%%
Gaming is the son of avarice, but the father of despair.
%%
:gang bang: n. The use of large numbers of loosely coupled
   programmers in an attempt to wedge a great many features into a
   product in a short time.  Though there have been memorable gang
   bangs (e.g., that over-the-weekend assembler port mentioned in
   Steven Levy's "Hackers"), most are perpetrated by large
   companies trying to meet deadlines; the inevitable result is
   enormous buggy masses of code entirely lacking in
   {orthogonal}ity.  When market-driven managers make a list of all
   the features the competition has and assign one programmer to
   implement each, the probability of maintaining a coherent (or even
   functional) design goes infinitesimal.  See also {firefighting},
   {Mongolian Hordes technique}, {Conway's Law}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gang of Nine:
 Originally the Gang of None, this is a group of 100+ coming-of-age
 companies marked by their new-found willingness to tell IBM jokes in
 public, their unwillingness to pay IBM bus royalties. Answer: EISA,
 MCA, and Greyhound. Question: name two dogs and a bus.
%%
Gang:  Poorly financed football teams
%%
Gangway!: Hedda Steam
%%
GAP: Grade All Projects
%%
Garage mechanic to customer: There's nothing mechanically wrong with
your car, sir- it's just an underachiever.
 -- David Brown
%%
:garbage collect: vi. (also `garbage collection', n.) See {GC}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Garbage in, gospel out.
 -- Manual Writer's Creed
%%
Garbagemen come once a week.
%%
Garcon! Take this grenade to the chef- very quickly, please.
%%
Garcon! Three glasses of water. Make them doubles. <The Doctor<
%%
GARDEN;BOTAN;FLOWER;TREE
%%
Gardeners are prone to sod-den decisions!
%%
GARDENERS do it by trimming your bush
%%
Gardeners do it in bed.
%%
Gardeners do it on the bushes.
%%
GARDENERS do it twice a year and then mulch it.
%%
Gardeners have 50 foot hoses.
%%
Gardening: A labor that begins with daybreak and ends with backbreak.
%%
GARDENING TIP
  Install a bird feeding post. This will-
    - support the local bird population
    - get rid of those pesky slugs naturally, but most of all
    - save on cat food
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Gardening with Bill Clinton:  From Weed to Flowers.
%%
Gardening With The Ex-President: Rose Bush
%%
GARDEN
  The garden is where all the nasty bugs and insects that you see on
  those wildlife documentaries are. A succession of features on
  spiders, ants, bees and wasps, all filmed using really expensive
  lenses, have left me scared shitless of the slightest bit of
  greenery. I've even been giving the plastic Christmas tree some
  funny looks. Are those sparkly things meant to be on it? Tinsel,
  eh? What genus is that?
      I'm not sure why David Attenborough et al are convinced that we
  need to see a giant 17 inch Huntsman crawling across our screen to
  devour another garden inhabitant. Lucky we haven't got a bigger
  telly. And why do those programmes always concentrate on only two
  events in the species' day? Humping and eating. Don't they get to
  do anything else? Imagine what would happen in a documentary about
  humans. All we get to see is your average human eating Maccas,
  doing the mating dance in the nightclub, followed by the quick
  grope back at his place. It wouldn't exactly cover the full gamut
  of human existence, would it?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Garfield was assassinated. Shot by a disappointed office seeker, right?
 Don't they always say that same sentence? It's crazy. Every time you read
 his name: James Abram Garfield: "Shot by a disappointed office seeker."
 That's all they can think of what he did in his short term of office. You
 look in the Encyclopaedia Britannica under Garfield, James Abram. It says,
 "See Office seeker, disappointed."
 -- Robert Klein
%%
Garfle, ni belquont; delberpho wifniel!
%%
Gargling twice daily is a good way to see if your neck leaks.
%%
GARGOYLE, n.  A rain-spout projecting from the eaves of mediaeval
buildings, commonly fashioned into a grotesque caricature of some
personal enemy of the architect or owner of the building.  This was
especially the case in churches and ecclesiastical structures
generally, in which the gargoyles presented a perfect rogues' gallery
of local heretics and controversialists.  Sometimes when a new dean
and chapter were installed the old gargoyles were removed and others
substituted having a closer relation to the private animosities of the
new incumbents.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Garlic gum is not funny.
%%
Garlic is good for you!
%%
Garlic?  Mama mia!  Have you got the wrong vampire!
%%
Garmites:  Clothing that fits well in the store but shrinks on the way home.
%%
:garply: /gar'plee/ [Stanford] n. Another metasyntactic variable (see
   {foo}); once popular among SAIL hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gars auld claes look amaist as weel 's the new.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Cotter's Saturday Night
%%
GARTHER, n.  An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out
of her stockings and desolating the country.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Gary L. Anderson, Congressman (N.Y.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Gary Larson for President!
%%
Gary Trudeau for President!
%%
:gas: [as in `gas chamber'] 1. interj. A term of disgust and
   hatred, implying that gas should be dispensed in generous
   quantities, thereby exterminating the source of irritation.  "Some
   loser just reloaded the system for no reason!  Gas!"  2. interj. A
   suggestion that someone or something ought to be flushed out of
   mercy.  "The system's getting {wedged} every few minutes.
   Gas!"  3. vt.  To {flush} (sense 1).  "You should gas that old
   crufty software."  4. [IBM] n. Dead space in nonsequentially
   organized files that was occupied by data that has since been
   deleted; the compression operation that removes it is called
   `degassing' (by analogy, perhaps, with the use of the same term
   in vacuum technology).  5. [IBM] n. Empty space on a disk that has
   been clandestinely allocated against future need.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:gaseous: adj. Deserving of being {gas}sed.  Disseminated by
   Geoff Goodfellow while at SRI; became particularly popular after
   the Moscone-Milk killings in San Francisco, when it was learned
   that the defendant Dan White (a politician who had supported
   Proposition 7) would get the gas chamber under Proposition 7 if
   convicted of first-degree murder (he was eventually convicted of
   manslaughter).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gashed with honourable scars,
  Low in Glory's lap they lie;
Though they fell, they fell like stars,
  Streaming splendour through the sky.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Battle of Alexandria
%%
"Gas Leaks" by Hugh Jass
%%
Gas Mask must be worn within 50 foot radius of this message.
%%
Gasoline and a match really can make a cat go WHOOOOFFF!
%%
Gasoline engine, diesel fuel.
%%
Gasp, someone else got thru the busy signal!
%%
Gas station attendants are hired based on their lack of knowledge
regarding directions.
%%
Gas station attendants pump all day.
%%
GAS
  What liquid turns into if you boil it. The basis for Kernigan's
  Third Law. Kernigan's Five Laws of children's science TV programmes
  are as follows:
     1) Dried ice is interesting
     2) An egg can fit through a milkbottle
     3) Steam looks good and is cheap to make
     4) Mirrors never fail to delight
     5) Magnets the compass maketh
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
GAT d-- -p+ c++(+++)
 l- u+(++) e++(*) m+
 s-/+ n+ h f* g+ w+ t+
 r+ !y
%%
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
%%
Gather 'round like cattle and ye shall be herd.
%%
Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost.
 -- New Testament
 -- John vi, 12
%%
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
  Old Time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles to-day
  To-morrow will be dying.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- To the Virgins to make much of Time
%%
Gather your moss before you roll stones.
%%
Gauls!  We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall
on our heads tomorrow.  But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!
 -- Adventures of Asterix.
%%
Gauzepressions: the gray sticky outline left behind by any bandage.
%%
Gave
His body to that pleasant country's earth,
And his pure soul unto his captain Christ,
Under whose colours he had fought so long.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Gavel doesn't quite hit the bench.
%%
GAY ABANDON - Homosexual repellent perfume.
%%
Gay Female Spies:  Lesbianage.
%%
Gay hope is theirs by fancy fed,
  Less pleasing when possest;
The tear forgot as soon as shed,
  The sunshine of the breast.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On a Distant Prospect of Eton College, Stanza 5
%%
Gay: If sh!t happens, decorate it.
%%
Gay Lingo: To be "Outed" is to have another proclaim that you are gay.
%%
Gay Lingo: To "Come out of the closet" is to proclaim that you are gay.
%%
Gayly the troubadour
  Touched his guitar.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- Welcome me Home
%%
Gay militant left-handed Irish accountants are now after Ross Perot!
%%
Gays don't recruit, but Christians sure as Hell do!
%%
Gay shlafen:  Yiddish for "go to sleep".
%%
Gay shlafen:  Yiddish for "go to sleep".
 Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound
than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"?  Listen to the difference:
 "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling."
Obvious, isn't it?
 Clearly the best thing you can do for you children is to start
speaking Yiddish right now and never speak another word of English as
long as you live.  This will, of course, entail teaching Yiddish to all
your friends, business associates, the people at the supermarket, and
so on, but that's just the point.  It has to start with committed
individuals and then grow....
 Some minor adjustments will have to be made, of course: those
signs written in what look like Yiddish letters won't be funny when
everything is written in Yiddish.  And we'll have to start driving on
the left side of the road so we won't be reading the street signs
backwards.  But is that too high a price to pay for world peace?  I
think not, my friend, I think not.
 -- Arthur Naiman
%%
GBB: Go to Back of Bus
%%
G. B. Shaw to William Douglas Home:  "Go on writing plays, my boy.  One
 of these days a London producer will go into his office and say to his
 secretary, 'Is there a play from Shaw this morning?' and when she says
 'No,' he will say, 'Well, then we'll have to start on the rubbish.'
 And that's your chance, my boy."
%%
GC2.1 d--- H s-:- g++ p? au-- a- w+++ v* C+++ U[A-z]+++$
P+++ L+++ 3- E? N+++  K-- !W M V++ po Y++ M !t !5 !j R- G
!tv b !D B- e+++ u+ h+ f r n-- y+
%%
GCAR: Get Correct Answer Regardless
%%
GCC 2.0 is to C as SVR4 is to Unix.
%%
gcc   -- What C was meant to be.
%%
:GC: /G-C/ [from LISP terminology; `Garbage Collect']
   1. vt. To clean up and throw away useless things.  "I think I'll
   GC the top of my desk today."  When said of files, this is
   equivalent to {GFR}.  2. vt. To recycle, reclaim, or put to
   another use.  3. n. An instantiation of the garbage collector
   process.

   `Garbage collection' is computer-science techspeak for a
   particular class of strategies for dynamically but transparently
   reallocating computer memory (i.e., without requiring explicit
   allocation and deallocation by higher-level software).  One such
   strategy involves periodically scanning all the data in memory and
   determining what is no longer accessible; useless data items are
   then discarded so that the memory they occupy can be recycled and
   used for another purpose.  Implementations of the LISP language
   usually use garbage collection.

   In jargon, the full phrase is sometimes heard but the {abbrev} is
   more frequently used because it is shorter.  Note that there is an
   ambiguity in usage that has to be resolved by context: "I'm going
   to garbage-collect my desk" usually means to clean out the
   drawers, but it could also mean to throw away or recycle the desk
   itself.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:GCOS:: /jee'kohs/ n. A {quick-and-dirty} {clone} of
   System/360 DOS that emerged from GE around 1970; originally called
   GECOS (the General Electric Comprehensive Operating System).  Later
   kluged to support primitive timesharing and transaction processing.
   After the buyout of GE's computer division by Honeywell, the name
   was changed to General Comprehensive Operating System (GCOS).
   Other OS groups at Honeywell began referring to it as `God's Chosen
   Operating System', allegedly in reaction to the GCOS crowd's
   uninformed and snotty attitude about the superiority of their
   product.  All this might be of zero interest, except for two facts:
   (1) The GCOS people won the political war, and this led in the
   orphaning and eventual death of Honeywell {{Multics}}, and
   (2) GECOS/GCOS left one permanent mark on UNIX.  Some early UNIX
   systems at Bell Labs used GCOS machines for print spooling and
   various other services; the field added to `/etc/passwd' to
   carry GCOS ID information was called the `GECOS field' and
   survives today as the `pw_gecos' member used for the user's
   full name and other human-ID information.  GCOS later played a
   major role in keeping Honeywell a dismal also-ran in the mainframe
   market, and was itself ditched for UNIX in the late 1980s when
   Honeywell retired its aging {big iron} designs.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GCR: Generate Confusing Results
%%
GCS d H- s:+>s g+(!) p1 au+ a29 w+ v+(?) C++ ULSX++++$ P+++ L++ 3- E N++ K---
     W M+ V-- -po+ Y+ t+ 5+ j- R+++(+) G''' tv b !D B- e+ u* h- f r++ n+ y+
%%
G_C_U Trek:  The Text Generation...
%%
GCV 2.1 GAT/M/CS d--(-+) H-- s++:-- g+ p? !au a-(?) w+++ v+ C+++$
UVS++++$ P+>+++ L- 3+++ E-(++) N++ K W--- M+ V-- -po+(+) Y+ t+
!5>++ jx R+ G? !tv b+++ D++ B e+ u--(**) h- f+(*) r n- !y
%%
G'day, Bruce! Oh, Hello Bruce! How are you Bruce?
%%
GDP: Grin Defiantly at Programmer
%%
GDR: Grab Degree and Run
%%
Gee! And some jerk said my TAGLINES weren't real too....
%%
     Gee, but I'd like to be a G-Man / And go Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
       Just like Dick Tracy, what a he-man / And go Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
        I'd do as I please, act high-handed and regal
      'Cause when you're a G-Man there's nothing illegal.
 -- Harold Rome, from The G-Man Song,1937
%%
"Gee, Dad.  You must really love us to sink *THIS* low."
 -- Bart to Homer in "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire", from The Simpsons
%%
:geef: v. [ostensibly from `gefingerpoken'] vt. Syn. {mung}.  See
   also {blinkenlights}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make
 my satellite dish PAYMENTS!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Gee, if I'd been stillborn, I'd have missed all this fun.
%%
Gee, it's too bad you're going to die tonight.
%%
Gee, I wonder what this key does.
%%
:geek out: vi. To temporarily enter techno-nerd mode while in a
   non-hackish context, for example at parties held near computer
   equipment.  Especially used when you need to do or say something
   highly technical and don't have time to explain: "Pardon me while
   I geek out for a moment."  See {computer geek}; see also
   {propeller head}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Geeks bearing GIFs?  Beware GIFs baring Geeks!
%%
'Geek' used to be a four-letter word.  Now it's a six-figure one.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Gee, Mr. Wizard! Aren't nuclear reactors dangerous?
%%
        Gee, Mudhead, everyone at More Science High has an
extracurricular activity except you.
      Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?
      Only to ten, Mudhead.

 -- Firesign Theater
%%
Gee officer, I just wondered how fast SPEED READ was.
%%
Gee! Slow day on the nets ... only 1,100 messages to read!
%%
Gee that bastard smells. No wonder they call him Pooh.
 -- Chris Robin.
%%
Gee, there must be hundreds of em!
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
"Gee, this is pretty good for slop!"
 -- Gourmet advice from JONNY QUEST
%%
Gee, Ward, weren't you kind of hard on the Beaver last night?
%%
Gee whiz, Madonna, what a neat concert! (barf)
%%
Gee Wiz, I didn't know DOS is that stupid!
%%
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
 -- Pick up line
%%
>   Gee, you guys are all way ahead of me!  I'm still here trying to figure
>   out the 4x1x1 Rubik's String.

And me! I'm going berzerk trying to figure out the 1x1x1 Rubik's
spot...
Maybe if I squeeze it harder on this side...

 -- pjv@fct.unl.pt -*- pjv@unl.uucp
%%
Gee, your mom *looks* normal.
%%
Geez if you belive in honkus.
%%
Geez, It's Hot!: Mike Hammeldyed
%%
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
    Good news and bad news highlighted.  Enjoy the good news while
you can; the bad news will make you forget it.  You will enjoy praise
and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker.  A short
trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
%%
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
 You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  People like you because you
 are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too much for too
 little.  This means you are cheap.  Geminis are known for committing
 incest.
%%
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You are very exuberant and enjoy expressing yourself.  Your friends
think of you as a busy-body and a bore.  You brag about your
versatility but down deep you know you can do nothing well.  Most
Geminis are unemployed.
%%
Gender feminizts are statistically impaired.
%%
Gender feminizts lack gender.
%%
:gender mender: n. A cable connector shell with either two male or
   two female connectors on it, used to correct the mismatches that
   result when some {loser} didn't understand the RS232C
   specification and the distinction between DTE and DCE.  Used
   esp. for RS-232C parts in either the original D-25 or the
   IBM PC's bogus D-9 format.  Also called `gender bender',
   `gender blender', `sex changer', and even `homosexual
   adapter'; however, there appears to be some confusion as to whether
   a `male homosexual adapter' has pins on both sides (is doubly
   male) or sockets on both sides (connects two males).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Genderplex, n.:
       The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
tortoises).
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
Genderplex: Trying to determine from the cutesy pictures which restroom to use.
%%
GENEALOGISTS do it in the library.
%%
Genealogy: Looking for bones in the closet.
%%
GENEALOGY, n.  An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did
not particularly care to trace his own.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Genealogy. Tracing descent from someone who didn't.
%%
Genealogy: tracing us back to the same brother and sister.
%%
Geneology: chasing your own tale.
%%
Gene police... You!  Out of the pool.
%%
General, a machine becomes human when you can't
tell the difference."
 -- From DARYL
%%
:General Appearance:

Intelligent.  Scruffy.  Intense.  Abstracted.  Surprisingly for a
sedentary profession, more hackers run to skinny than fat; both
extremes are more common than elsewhere.  Tans are rare.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
General Brain Failure.  (A)bort, (R)e-fry, (I)nsert, (L)abotomy
%%
General Brain Failure.  (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h, sheesh!
%%
General Custer:
Look at all those f%*king Indians
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
General David Dinkens is a closet ditto-head!
%%
General Error Reading Drive A: Please Insert 25 Cents.
%%
General failure error reading drive A:  Please remove your fist.
%%
General Failure reading John Dvorak
%%
Generalizations (as a rule) are bad.
%%
Generalizedness of incompetence varies directly with highestness in hierarchy.
 -- Godin's Law
%%
 GENERAL KNOWLEDGE:  Describe in detail.  Be objective and
 specific.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Generally, an expert is a person who can shower bucketfuls of utter
 confusion on complete simplicity.
%%
Generally he perceived in men of devout simplicity this opinion:
that the secrets of nature were the secrets of God, part of that
glory into which man is not to press too boldly.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
Generally, people will be more forcefully in opposition to the fluoridation
 of the water, if they have false teeth.
%%
Generally the officers of the army were indifferent whether the annexation
[of Texas] was consummated or not; but not so all of them.  For myself,
I was bitterly opposed to the measure, and to this day regard the
war, which resulted, as one of the most unjust ever waged by a stronger
against a weaker nation.  It was an instance of a republic following
the bad example of European monarchies, in not considering justice
in their desire to acquire additional territory.
 -- Ulysses S. Grant, Personal Memoirs, 1885
%%
Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we
disbelieve we call theories.
 -- Felix Cohen
%%
:General Public Virus: n. Pejorative name for some versions of the
   {GNU} project {copyleft} or General Public License (GPL), which
   requires that any tools or {app}s incorporating copylefted code
   must be source-distributed on the same counter-commercial terms as
   GNU stuff.  Thus it is alleged that the copyleft `infects' software
   generated with GNU tools, which may in turn infect other software
   that reuses any of its code.  The Free Software Foundation's
   official position as of January 1991 is that copyright law limits
   the scope of the GPL to "programs textually incorporating
   significant amounts of GNU code", and that the `infection' is not
   passed on to third parties unless actual GNU source is transmitted
   (as in, for example, use of the Bison parser skeleton).
   Nevertheless, widespread suspicion that the {copyleft} language
   is `boobytrapped' has caused many developers to avoid using GNU
   tools and the GPL.  Recent (July 1991) changes in the language of
   the version 2.00 license may eliminate this problem.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
General Ripper may have exceeded his authority!
%%
Generals have something to do with the stars.
%%
General stupidity error reading drive C.
%%
General, years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars.
%%
:generate: vt. To produce something according to an algorithm or
   program or set of rules, or as a (possibly unintended) side effect
   of the execution of an algorithm or program.  The opposite of
   {parse}.  This term retains its mechanistic connotations (though
   often humorously) when used of human behavior.  "The guy is
   rational most of the time, but mention nuclear energy around him
   and he'll generate {infinite} flamage."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GENERATION, OLDER
  The people that don't understand you.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
GENERATION, YOUNGER
  The people that you don't understand.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Generic Brown Label Tagline
%%
Generic CADD goes Geriatric CADD?
%%
Generic Industry Standard Tagline
%%
Generic Tagline v5: []Flame Moderator  []Flame Sysop  [X]Flame user.
%%
Generic Tagline v 6.01
%%
Gene Roddenbery (1921-1991) Shakka, when the walls fell.
%%
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
%%
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
You've given away every perfect thing you've ever had.
%%
Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
GENEROUS, adj.  Originally this word meant noble by birth and was
rightly applied to a great multitude of persons.  It now means noble
by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Genetically perfect but morally crippled.
%%
Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what engineers have been
   doing informally all along.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
%%
Genetics: proof that God gambles. Clinton: proof He lost!
%%
Genetists do it with sick genes.
%%
GEnie Address  G.EHRICH
%%
Genie in a Bottle: Grant Wishes
%%
Genitalia is NOT an Italian airline!
%%
Genital:  Non-Jewish...
%%
GENITALS
  The bits of the body that are used specifically for rude purposes.
  They come in varying shapes and sizes, and are used in varying
  ways. Please don't expect a detailed biological examination of
  these most enormously complex body parts, or even a cheap joke
  about the size of penises.
      However, as a tribute to the late, great, Mario Innuendo, from
  here, we will substitute the word "the" with the word "penis" in
  capital letters for the remainder of this TCWF. Nah, on second
  thoughts...
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Genius doesn't work on an assembly line basis.
  You can't simply say, "Today I will be brilliant."
 -- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4731.3
%%
Geniuses write taglines.  Idiots read them.
%%
Genius, in one respect, is like gold: a number of persons are constantly
writing about both, who have neither.
%%
Genius is born, not paid.
%%
Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison, "Life", 1932
%%
Genius is patience.
%%
Genius is perseverence in disguise.
%%
Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
%%
Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple.
%%
Genius is the highest type of reason, talent the highest type of understanding.
%%
Genius is the power of lighting one's own fire.
%%
Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
%%
Genius, like magic, is inexplicable.
%%
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Genius means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way.
%%
Genius might be described as a supreme capacity
for getting it's possessors into trouble of all kinds.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes
with "bright"
%%
Genius not only diagnoses the situation but supplies the answers.
 -- Robert Graves
%%
Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
:gen: /jen/ n.,v. Short for {generate}, used frequently in both spoken
   and written contexts.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gennifer Flowers for second lady!
%%
Gennifer Flowers for Secretary of State.
%%
Genny:  You know, you're probably the best-looking guy I've ever seen.
Cat:    Well, I wasn't going to be the first to say it.
Genny:  Do you know what I'd really like?
Cat:    Hmm?
Genny:  I'd really like to make love to a guy like you.
Cat:    Well, I'm sure I have a window in my schedule somewhere.  Let's see,
       er, what are you doing in, say, ten seconds time?
Genny:  Nothing I couldn't cancel. (licks teeth)
Cat:    Hi, I'm the Cat.
Genny:  Hi, I'm the Genetic Mutant.
Cat:    Glad to know you ... Genny who?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Polymorph'
%%
Genocide on shopkeepers is punishable.
%%
:gensym: /jen'sim/ [from MacLISP for `generated symbol']
   1. v.  To invent a new name for something temporary, in such a way
   that the name is almost certainly not in conflict with one already
   in use.  2. n.  The resulting name.  The canonical form of a gensym
   is `Gnnnn' where nnnn represents a number; any LISP hacker would
   recognize G0093 (for example) as a gensym.  3. A freshly generated
   data structure with a gensymmed name.  Gensymmed names are useful
   for storing or uniquely identifying crufties (see
   {cruft}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GENTEEL, adj.  Refined, after the fashion of a gent.

    Observe with care, my son, the distinction I reveal:
    A gentleman is gentle and a gent genteel.
    Heed not the definitions your "Unabridged" presents,
    For dictionary makers are generally gents.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Genteel in personage,
Conduct, and equipage;
Noble by heritage,
Generous and free.
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- The Contrivances, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
GENT: GENerate Thesis
%%
Gentleman, include me out.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
%%
Gentlemen, for your information, I have a question to ask you.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
Gentlemen, it appears to be unanimous that we cannot agree.
%%
Gentlemen, listen to me slowly.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
Gentlemen, START YOUR COMPUTERS!
%%
Gentlemen, start your debuggers!
%%
"Gentlemen!  This is a serious court proceeding, not a debating society
 for maladjusted psychotic sociopaths!"
 -- The Inquisitor
%%
Gentlemen! You can't fight in here; this is the war room!
 -- President Mercan Muffly, from Dr. Strangelove
%%
Gentle of speech, beneficent of mind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 917
%%
Genuine Exploding Tagline.   Acme Tagline Inc.
%%
Genuinely skillful use of obscenities is uniformly absent on the Internet.
 -- Karl Kleinpaste
%%
Genuine Ploduct. Made in Flance by Pielle Caldin-san.
%%
"Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood."
 -- T. S. Elliot
%%
Genuine religion is not so much a matter of feeling as a matter of principle.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
Genuine status is a rare and precious jewel, and also rather easy to simulate.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
Genuine tagline -- don't be fooled by cheap imitations.
%%
Geochronologists will date any old thing.
%%
Geoff, Brett and Todd...the BO-DYNASTY!!!
%%
GEOGRAPHER, n.  A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between
the outside of the world and the inside.

    Habeam, geographer of wide reknown,
    Native of Abu-Keber's ancient town,
    In passing thence along the river Zam
    To the adjacent village of Xelam,
    Bewildered by the multitude of roads,
    Got lost, lived long on migratory toads,
    Then from exposure miserably died,
    And grateful travelers bewailed their guide.
                                                        Henry Haukhorn
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Geographers do it around the world.
%%
GEOGRAPHERS do it everywhere
%%
Geographers do it globally.
%%
:Geographical Distribution:

In the United States, hackerdom revolves on a Bay Area-to-Boston axis;
about half of the hard core seems to live within a hundred miles of
Cambridge (Massachusetts) or Berkeley (California), although there are
significant contingents in Los Angeles, in the Pacific Northwest, and
around Washington DC.  Hackers tend to cluster around large cities,
especially `university towns' such as the Raleigh-Durham area in North
Carolina or Princeton, New Jersey (this may simply reflect the fact that
many are students or ex-students living near their alma maters).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Geography is everywhere.
%%
Geologist -- Fault finder
%%
Geologists are great explorers.
%%
Geologists do it eruptively, with glow, and always smoke afterwards.
%%
Geologists do it in folded beds.
%%
Geologists do it to get their rocks off.
%%
Geologists know how to make the bedrock.
%%
Geologists take their rocks out and play with them.
%%
GEOLOGY, n.  The science of the earth's crust -- to which, doubtless,
will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up
garrulous out of a well.  The geological formations of the globe
already noted are catalogued thus:  The Primary, or lower one,
consists of rocks, bones or mired mules, gas-pipes, miners' tools,
antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors.  The
Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles.  The Tertiary
comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy
boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage,
anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Geometers do it constructively.
%%
Geometer turned general - a sphereless leader.
%%
Geometry teaches us to bisex angels.
%%
Geometry: what the acorn said after it grew up.
%%
Geordi Burger: You need a special visor to be able to see it.
%%
Geordi's visor is taken or knocked off - drink!
%%
Geordi, tell me about...Tasha Yar.
 -- Guinan, "Yesterday's Enterprise", stardate 43625.2
%%
George Bush: 'A New World Odor!'
%%
George Bush is glad the John Tower thing has quieted down a good bit. Now,
 he won't have to answer any of those silly questions about " a thousand
 points of Bud light."
%%
George Bush of Borg: for a kinder, gentler assimilation.
%%
George Bush's '92 slogan:  "I promise, no new leadership!"
%%
George Bush shot JFK.
 -- Liberal history revision
%%
George Bush spelled sideways is O, he buggers
%%
George Bush:  The EDLIN of Presidents.
%%
George Bush was the Republican answer to Jimmy Carter.
%%
(George flouts a large cape and huge false moustache)
Well, what do you think?
...Are you ill or something?
 -- George and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
George Orwell 1984.  Northwestern 0.
 -- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
%%
George Orwell, in his vision of 1984, got it backward.
We do not have to fear Big Brother watching us on TV.
In times like these, we have to fear the effects of our watching
Big Brother.
 -- Mortimer B. Zuckerman
%%
George Orwell was an optimist.
%%
George Q. Enthalpy, little known physicist.
%%
George, the day the war began I was cheesed off. Within ten minutes
  of you arriving, I'd finished the cheese and moved on to the coffee
  and cigars.
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
George was a great dunce, but no matter for that:  all men do not thrive in
the world according to their learning.
 -- Henry Fielding
%%
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments
of youth.  He could not even lie.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
George Washington, father of our country. George Washington, when he was
 just a child, just a boy, honesty was his trademark. The classic story we
 all remember was when George Washington's father came up to George and
 said, "George Washington--father of our country--my son--I want to ask you
 a question. Someone cut down the cherry tree." And George Washington,
 though he was just a youth, said, "Father, I cannot tell a lie. It was I
 who cut down that cherry tree."

 And his father punched him in the mouth.

 Because George Washington cut down the cherry tree. And his father was in
 the cherry tree picking cherries!
 -- Tom Smothers
%%
    George Washington married Matha Curtis and in due time became the Father
of Our Country.  Them the Constitution of the United States was adopted to
secure domestic hostility.  Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the
right to keep bare arms.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but
 he also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn't
 punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand.
%%
George Washington said to his father, "If I never tell a lie, how can I get
 to be President?"
 -- Red Buttons
%%
George Washington's false teeth were made of whale bone.
%%
George Washington was first in war, first in peace -- and the first to
have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
 -- Ashley Cooper
%%
Georgia REALLY sucks.
%%
Gerald Ford does it on his face.
%%
Gerald Ford was the only man who held both the Presidency and the
Vice-Presidency but who was not elected to either post.
%%
Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America.
 Now he's unknown throughout the world.
%%
Gerald Greenwald, Chairman of Chrysler Motors, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Geraldo: Genetic experiment gone bad?  Next on Oprah!
%%
Geraldo Rivera: Genetic experiment gone bad?
%%
Geraldo Rivera wants to do a live special about us, but we know better.
%%
Gerald R. Ford obtained his Eagle at the age of 14.
%%
Gerald R. Ford, U.S. President, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Gerberglazing: Looking through stacks of someone else's baby pictures.
%%
Gerbil-jamming is safe--if you don't share gerbils
%%
German for bra-Holdsemfromfloppin.
%%
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using
 a sick bag on a 747.
%%
GERM
  Another of those tiny tiny organisms that you can't see, and often
  wonder if they haven't just been made up by scientists to hold
  together the fabric of society. Rumour has it that germs were
  simply designed to get you to wash your hands after going to the
  lav, to keep soap manufacturers in business.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
German Shepherd Pie
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
German word for constipation:  Farfrompoopin!
%%
German word for virgin:  "Gutentight"
%%
Geronimo!
You leap into the void.
Death peers over the edge and gazes quizzically at you....
'Bye-bye,' he says... 'We'll meet again.'
%%
Gerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his
 helmet off.
%%
Geschichte ist die geistige Form, in der sich eine Kultur ueber ihre
Vergangenheit Rechenschaft gibt.
[transl.:] History is the mental/intellectual form, in which a culture
renders account of its past to itself.
 -- Johan Huizinga, (1872-1945)
 -- Ueber eine Definition des Begriffs 'Geschichte'. In: J.HUIZINGA:
Geschichte und Kultur. Stuttgart 1954, S. 13
%%
Geschichte ist [...] ein Dialog zwischen Gegenwart und Vergangenheit.
[re-transl.:] History is [...] a dialogue between the present and the past.
 -- Edward Hallet CARR,
 -- Was ist Geschichte?, S. 54
%%
Gesundheit!
%%
Gesundheit - The answer to the common cold
%%
Get a bunch of those 3-D glasses and wear them at the same time.  Use enough to
 get it up to a good, say, 10 or 12-D.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
GET A CLUE. Cost. 50 cents!
%%
Get a free shuggoth is every bog of Sugar Coated Nyarlothopops!
%%
GET A HAIRCUT!
%%
Get a hat!  Get a hairy hat!
%%
GET A LIFE. Cost. 50 cents.
%%
:Get a life!: imp. Hacker-standard way of suggesting that the
   person to whom it is directed has succumbed to terminal geekdom
   (see {computer geek}).  Often heard on {USENET}, esp. as a
   way of suggesting that the target is taking some obscure issue of
   {theology} too seriously.  This exhortation was popularized by
   William Shatner on a "Saturday Night Live" episode in a
   speech that ended "Get a *life*!", but some respondents
   believe it to have been in use before then.  It was certainly in
   wide use among hackers for at least five years before achieving
   mainstream currency in early 1992.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Get a life?  Impossible, I'm a sysop.
%%
Get a life!
 -- Saturday Night Live
%%
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
 -- Frank Dane
%%
Get an Adlib?  Now THAT'S sound advice!
%%
Get a new car for your wife, if anybody will swap.
%%
Get a new lease on life, do you have the security deposit.
%%
Get a powerful right arm: subscribe to Playboy.
%%
:Get a real computer!: imp. Typical hacker response to news that
   somebody is having trouble getting work done on a system that
   (a) is single-tasking, (b) has no hard disk, or (c) has an address
   space smaller than 16 megabytes.  This is as of mid-1993; note that
   the threshold for `real computer' rises with time, and it may
   well be (for example) that machines with character-only displays
   will be generally considered `unreal' in a few years (GLS points
   out that they already are in some circles).  See {bitty box} and
   {toy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Get a shot off FAST! This upsets him long enough to let you make
your second shot perfect.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Get a taste of censorship. Bite a feminizt!
%%
Get a taste of religion. Bite a nun!
%%
Get a taste of religion. Bite a preacher!
%%
Get a taste of religion. Lick a witch!
%%
Get a USR It leaves the others behind.
%%
Get away from her you bitch!
 -- Ripley, "Aliens"
%%
Get back at your enemies, make them Sysops!
%%
Get back to work!
%%
Get back to your stations!
We're beaming down to the planet, sir.
 -- Kirk and Mr. Leslie, "This Side of Paradise," stardate 3417.3
%%
Get caught in a lie? Deny you ever said it!
 -- Liberal Rule # 5
%%
Get down and Modem the night away!
%%
Get down off your high horse. It's dangerous to ride an animal who's
been ingesting controlled substances.
%%
Get even - Tax the politicians!
%%
Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
%%
                        Get GUMMed
                    --- ------
The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April
1, 2076 (check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above
the ground directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps.  Members will grep
each other by the hand (after intro), yacc a lot, smoke filtered
chroots in pipes, chown with forks, use the wc (unless uuclean), fseek
nice zombie processes, strip, and sleep, but not, we hope, od.  Three
days will be devoted to discussion of the ramifications of whodo.  Two
seconds have been allotted for a complete rundown of all the user-
friendly features of Unix.  Seminars include Everything You Know is
Wrong, led by Tom Kempson, Batman or Cat:man? led by Richie Dennis
cc C? Si! Si! led by Kerwin Bernighan, and Document Unix, Are You
Kidding? led by Jan Yeats.  No Reader Service No. is necessary because
all GUGUs (Gurus of Unix Group of Users) already know everything we
could tell them.
 -- Dr. Dobb's Journal, June '84
%%
Get gun.  Shoot computer.  Turn off lights...
%%
Get High, Get Stupid, Buy Clinton Lies 1-800-2-INHALE
%%
Get high on drugs; come down with AIDS
%%
Get hold of portable property.
 -- Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
%%
Get in there, you big hairy oaf!  ...I don't care what you smell, get in!
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
Get it? -- Got it. -- Good!
%%
Get learning with a great sum of money, and get much gold by her.
 -- Ecclesiastes, The Bible
%%
Get lost!
%%
Get lost, you can't compare with my powers.
 -- M. Bison, Street Fighter II
%%
Get married, but never to a man who is home all day.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Get married early in the morning.  That way, if it doesn't work out,
you haven't wasted a whole day.
 -- Mickey Rooney
%%
Get me a bitch, I'm really horny!
 -- What Lassie was really trying to say when Timmy fell down the well
%%
Get me my rubbers....my feet are soaked !
%%
Get me some coffee and then ask me in ten minutes.
%%
Get money first; virtue comes afterward.
 -- Horace
%%
Get money; still get money, boy,
No matter by what means.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Every Man in his Humour, Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
"Get More for your Money" by Max Amize
%%
Get MS-DOS 6.0...Bill Gates needs to buy a wedding gift for his bride.
%%
Get off my tail, because shit happens.
 -- Rumper sticker on a horse
%%
Get off the cross, Bob.  Somebody else needs the wood!
%%
Get off your ASCII.
%%
Get on the telephone!!!
 -- Dr. Gene Scott
%%
Get on your bad motor scooter and ride.
%%
Get OS/2 2.0 - the best Windows tip around!
%%
Get out, Blackadder, and stop corking our juices.
Certainly, your Highness. I'll leave you to dribble in private.
 -- George and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Get out!! Get out you libidinous swine!! And take that whore-slut
  painted strumpet with you!! And may you both rot in the filth of your
  own fornication!!!!
...And what did you say to _him_?...
 -- Edmund and Queenie : Chains
%%
Get out of my life, don't come back.
 -- the glimmer twins
%%
Get out of my reality!
%%
Get Out There!: Sally Forth
%%
Get piece of mind through trepananation.
%%
Get place and wealth, if possible, with grace;
If not, by any means get wealth and place.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book i, Line 103
%%
GET REAL! Elvis is DEAD! Accept it!
%%
Get Real - Get Wool.
%%
Get reelected.
 -- First Law of Office Holders
%%
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
%%
Get right! Or get left.
%%
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Get scared right away; avoid the rush.
 -- Slovotsky's Law Number Thirty-One
 -- Walter Slovotsky, The Warrior Lives by Joel Rosenberg
%%
Gets hypnotized on the despun section.
%%
GET SLACK!
%%
Get the Analog edge...add distortion...
%%
Get thee behind me, Satan.  I was here first.
%%
Get thee behind me, Satan.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xvi, 23
%%
GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN!  You push, and I'll steer.
%%
Get thee behind me, smoker!
%%
Get thee down. Be thou funky.
%%
Get the facts first, THEN panic!
%%
Get the government before it gets AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
%%
Get the government out of the arts.
%%
Get the Hell out of my way!
 -- John Galt
%%
Get the Legion Of Doom on Iraq's computers!
%%
Getting along with your relatives increases in direct proportion with
the distance you stay away from them.
%%
Getting an education at the University of California is like having
$50.00 shoved up your ass, a nickel at a time.
%%
Getting anything done around here reminds me of elephants mating :
    - it's done at a very high level
    - there's lots of trumpeting about it
    - it takes two years to see any results.
%%
Getting a second chance is never a certainty.
%%
Getting better - not older!
%%
Getting caught is the mother of invention.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is
almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from
 crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud
 "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually
 it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it
 quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another
 advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't
 have his friends hanging around your house all the time.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Getting laid off is better than not getting laid at all.
 -- Brett Isham
%%
Getting married is a serious matter for a girl; not getting married is even
 more serious.
%%
Getting older - not better!
%%
Getting on is getting up each time you got down until you get in. Get it?
%%
Getting on the cover of TIME guarantees the existence of opposition
in the future.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Getting on the Information Superhighway in a Studebaker.
%%
Getting something done is an accomplishment;
getting something done right is an achievement.
 -- Anonymous
%%
Getting the baby to sleep is the hardest when she is about 18 years old.
%%
Getting there is only half as far as getting there and back.
%%
Getting the truth from Clinton is like nailing Jello to the wall.
%%
Getting the truth from Clinton is like pinning Odo to the wall.
%%
Getting tired of children?  Ever heard of youthanasia?
%%
Getting up early is hazardous to your health.
%%
Gettin' married's a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get
 used to it, it ain't so hot.
 -- Minnie Pearl
%%
Get up Dog Boy!  Show them where you come from, show them where you're going!
%%
Get up in the sky where they can't find you.
%%
 Get up one time more than you're knocked down.
 -- Peter's Principle of Success
%%
Get your cut throat off my knife
 -- Diane Diprima, Nightmare Gallery
%%
Get your dam finger out of your nose. Use a tissue!
%%
Get your enemies to read your works in order to mend them, for your
friend is so much your second self that he will judge too like you.
 -- Pope
%%
Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Get your fishing supplies at Honest Abdhul's Sushi Bar and Bait Shop
%%
Get your grubby hands off my tagline! I stole it first!
%%
Get your kicks...
%%
Get your mind out of the gutter! Grab mine while you're there, please.
%%
Get your mind out of the gutter, you're crowding me.
%%
Get your modem runnin', Head out for the Highwaves!
%%
Get your motor runnin'. Head out on the highway.
%%
Get your OWN quote, dammit.  This one's MINE.
%%
Get your priorities straight, call a BBS.
%%
Get yourself a coach to drink with or else you'll go nuts.
 -- Jim Fregosi
%%
GEW{JO}: Go to the End of the World {Jump Off}
%%
GFD: Go Forth and Divide
%%
GFM: Go Forth and Multiply
%%
:GFR: /G-F-R/ vt. [ITS: from `Grim File Reaper', an ITS and LISP
   Machine utility] To remove a file or files according to some
   program-automated or semi-automatic manual procedure, especially
   one designed to reclaim mass storage space or reduce name-space
   clutter (the original GFR actually moved files to tape).  Often
   generalized to pieces of data below file level.  "I used to have
   his phone number, but I guess I {GFR}ed it."  See also
   {prowler}, {reaper}.  Compare {GC}, which discards only
   provably worthless stuff.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
G. Gabrielson noted, 'Try a class in PASCAL!'
%%
G = Guns, PG = Plenty of Guns, PG13 = more than 12 guns.
%%
Ghosts are merely unsubstantiated roomers.
%%
Ghosts love music -- especially haunting melodies!
%%
Giant ape becomes religious leader in "King of Kongs!"
%%
Giant salmon gulps down 12 swimmers.
%%
Giants =*= Give LT a blow-- I mean a rest!
%%
Giant Space Hamsters are sexy!
%%
Giant Space Hamsters:  Better pets than Giant Space Pit Bulls!
%%
Giant Space Hamsters:  Fluffy, but with substance.
%%
Giant Space Hamsters never get lost behind the fridge.
%%
Giant Space Hamsters offer a veritable plethora of wonders.
%%
Giant Space Hamster spit cures male-pattern baldness.
%%
Giant Space Hamsters:  Tastes great.  Less filling.
%%
Giant Space Werehamster.
%%
Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ---
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
GIE: Generate Irreversible Error
%%
GIF at 11!
%%
GIF available.
%%
GIF'S, The GIF That Keeps On GIFFing
%%
Gift Certificate: Good for one free visit, Kervorkian MD
%%
Gifts are like hooks.
 -- Martial
%%
                        -- Gifts for Children --

This is easy.  You never have to figure out what to get for children,
because they will tell you exactly what they want.  They spend months
and months researching these kinds of things by watching Saturday-
morning cartoon-show advertisements.  Make sure you get your children
exactly what they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices.  If
your child thinks he wants Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You
Can Rip Right Off, you'd better get it.  You may be worried that it
might help to encourage your child's antisocial tendencies, but believe
me, you have not seen antisocial tendencies until you've seen a child
who is convinced that he or she did not get the right gift.
 -- Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
%%
                        -- Gifts for Men --

Men are amused by almost any idiot thing -- that is why professional
ice hockey is so popular -- so buying gifts for them is easy.  But you
should never buy them clothes.  Men believe they already have all the
clothes they will ever need, and new ones make them nervous.  For
example, your average man has 84 ties, but he wears, at most, only
three of them.  He has learned, through humiliating trial and error,
that if he wears any of the other 81 ties, his wife will probably laugh
at him (You're not going to wear THAT tie with that suit, are you?).
So he has narrowed it down to three safe ties, and has gone several
years without being laughed at.    If you give him a new tie, he will
pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you.

If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires.  More
than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set
of tires.
 -- Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
%%
Gig drives - the Spice of the 90's
%%
Giggle, snort, DAMN!... The beer came out my nose!
%%
GIGO: Garbage in garbage out.
%%
GIGO: Garbage in, Gospel out.
%%
:GIGO: /gi:'goh/ [acronym] 1. `Garbage In, Garbage Out' ---
   usually said in response to {luser}s who complain that a program
   didn't "do the right thing" when given imperfect input or
   otherwise mistreated in some way.  Also commonly used to describe
   failures in human decision making due to faulty, incomplete, or
   imprecise data.  2. `Garbage In, Gospel Out': this more recent
   expansion is a sardonic comment on the tendency human beings have
   to put excessive trust in `computerized' data.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gigolo:  A fee male...
%%
:gilley: [USENET] n. The unit of analogical bogosity.  According to
   its originator, the standard for one gilley was "the act of
   bogotoficiously comparing the shutting down of 1000 machines for a
   day with the killing of one person".  The milligilley has been
   found to suffice for most normal conversational exchanges.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gillian: "Do you like Italian?"
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "No."
Spock: "Yes."
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "I love Italian.  And so do you."
Spock: "Yes."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
:gillion: /gil'y*n/ or /jil'y*n/ [formed from {giga-} by analogy
   with mega/million and tera/trillion] n. 10^9. Same as an
   American billion or a British `milliard'.  How one pronounces
   this depends on whether one speaks {giga-} with a hard or
   soft `g'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gilooly said Nancy planed it for the sympathy/mercy vote.
%%
Gimme $50 or I'll tell Janet Reno you're a cult member.
%%
Gimme a beer. But it's 11 am So float a cornflake in it!
 -- Norm
%%
Gimme a beer! I'm as dry as a dead dingo's donger.
%%
Gimme a bottle of anything, and a glazed donut.........TO GO!!!!
%%
"Gimme a Cold Filtered Big Joe Coors Dark Dry Lite Extra-Hearty
 Draft Lager With The Imported Australian Taste In The Barrel-Shaped
 Twist-Off Bottle and a mango, please.   Oh, and one of those
 specially-emblemed, frosted 24-ounce glasses."
 "We're outta 'em."
 "Oh.  Gimme a can of Bud Lite, then."
 "Glass?"
 "Na."
 "That'll be five bucks."
%%
Gimme a hamburger, with cheese, bacon & onion. Chips and Coke.
 -- Con
%%
Gimme, a match, I think my gas tank is empty.
%%
Gimme a P-Nut-Butter -N- Nanner sandwich.
 -- Elvis.
%%
Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly.
%%
Gimme, gimme, gimme more donuts....
 -- Elvis
%%
Gimme that baby you warthog from Hell!
%%
Gimp Gump.........Guess what I have in my wooden leg!
%%
Gineral C. is a dreffle smart man;
  He 's ben on all sides thet give places or pelf;
But consistency still wuz a part of his plan,--
  He 's ben true to one party, an' thet is himself.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. ii
%%
:GIPS: /gips/ or /jips/ [analogy with {MIPS}] n.
   Giga-Instructions per Second (also possibly `Gillions of
   Instructions per Second'; see {gillion}).  In 1991, this is used
   of only a handful of highly parallel machines, but this is expected
   to change.  Compare {KIPS}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gird your grid for a big one!
%%
Girl, bathing on Bikini, eyeing boy, finds boy eyeing bikini on bathing girl.
%%
Girl by the whirlpool, lookin' for a new fool...
%%
Girl Dumps her boyfriend to marry his dad
%%
Girlfriend pregnant - (M)arry (I)gnore (A)bort
%%
Girlfriend wants whale because they have 10ft tongues.
%%
Girlfriend?  Yep, a 50 MHz 486 with 256K cache!
%%
Girl On a Budget: Penny Pincher
%%
Girls' abusers are usually men
%%
Girls are always running through my mind.  They don't dare walk.
 -- Andy Gibb
%%
Girls, girls, girls!
%%
Girls just wanna have fun...Guys just wanna have girls.
%%
Girls just want to have fun.
 -- Cyndi Lauper
%%
Girls just want to have lunch
 -- A. Yankovic
%%
Girls now say what they think. I was with one the other night. Two in the
 morning she told me to go to a sex clinic. Said I should ask for the
 emergency room.
 -- Mike Preminger
%%
Girls we love for what they are; young men for what they promise to be.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
Girls who wear glasses have lots & lots of energy!
 -- Al on Quantum Leap
%%
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls.
%%
Girl who douches with vinegar, walks around with sour puss.
%%
G.I. Series....... Ball game between soldiers.
%%
GI Series:  Baseball series for soldiers...
%%
G is for Ghanhantoa, with his terrible stare.
%%
Give a hoot, don't pollute--commute
%%
Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go
into a "Pearl Harbor File."
%%
Give a man a computer program and you give him a headache,
but teach him to program computers and you give him the power
to create headaches for others for the rest of his life...
 -- R. B. Forest
%%
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish
and he will eat for the rest of his life.
%%
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner.
 -- Calvin Keegan
%%
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
 -- Mae West
%%
Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler.
%%
Give a man free hands and you'll know where to find them.
 -- Mae West
%%
Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it.
%%
Give an Inch, Take a Smile.
%%
Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it.
%%
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he
 encounters needs pounding.
 -- Abraham Kaplan
%%
Give a student a modem and you give them the world.
%%
Give a woman an inch and she'll try to park a car in it.
%%
Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler.
%%
Give big space to the festive dog that shall sport in the roadway.
%%
Give blood - play hockey.
%%
GIVE CHEERS To Asahi Draft Beer And Your Life Be Marvelous
 -- Asahi Beer Cans
%%
Give Clinton an inch and he'll take 75% of all you own.
%%
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice.
 -- William Shakespeare, (The only good part of Polonius' advice to Laertes)
%%
Give, expecting nothing thereof
 -- St. Thomas Aquinas
%%
Give her two red roses, each with a note.  The first note says "For the
woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."
%%
Give him 2.54 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.
%%
Give him an evasive answer.
%%
Give him an inch and he'll screw you.
 -- Dave Farber
%%
Give in to the FORCE...
%%
Give it an understanding, but no tongue.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Give lettered pomp to teeth of Time,
  So "Bonnie Doon" but tarry;
Blot out the epic's stately rhyme,
  But spare his "Highland Mary!"
 -- John G. Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- Lines on Burns
%%
Give me 40 acres and I'll turn this rig around.
%%
"Give me a break, man!"
"Oh, man!"
"Hey, dude!"
"Hey, Homer!"
 -- Bart, from The Simpsons
%%
Give me a burrito. . .resistance is futile!
 -- Steve Roberts, of Winnebiko and BEHEMOTH fame,
  -- to a terrified clerk at a Taco Bell drive-through
%%
Give me again my hollow tree,
A crust of bread, and liberty.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Satire vi, Book ii, Line 220
%%
Give me a lever and place to stand and I will move the world.
 -- Archimedes (c. 287-212 B.C.), Pappus, Synagoge, VIII, 10, xi
%%
Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I'll break my lever.
%%
Give me all your lupins!
%%
Give me a look, give me a face,
That makes simplicity a grace;
Robes loosely flowing, hair as free,--
Such sweet neglect more taketh me
Than all the adulteries of art:
They strike mine eyes, but not my heart.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Epicaene; Or, the Silent Woman, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Give me a man that laughs all the time, though the rest of the world's in a
 rut. Yes, show me a man that laughs all the time, and, my friend, I'll show
 you a nut!
 -- Jackie Kannon
%%
Give me a map and a compass, and I'll fly the Alps in a plane with no windows.
%%
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
%%
Give me a museum and I'll fill it.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
%%
Give me an incubator or give me death!
 -- Hawkeye and Trapper, M*A*S*H
%%
Give me another horse: bind up my wounds.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Give me an ounce of civet, good apothecary, to sweeten my imagination.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 6
%%
Give me a place to sit, and I'll watch.
 -- friend of Archimedes
%%
Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
%%
Give me a spirit that on this life's rough sea
Loves t' have his sails fill'd with a lusty wind,
Even till his sail-yards tremble, his masts crack,
And his rapt ship run on her side so low
That she drinks water, and her keel plows air.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Tragedy of Charles, Duke of Byron, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Give me a straight line and I'll bend it for you.
%%
Give me but that, and let the world rub; there I 'll stick.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vii
%%
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
 -- St Augustine, Bishop of Hippo (circa 5th century AD)
%%
Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.
 -- Napolean
%%
Give me health and a day, and I will make ridiculous the pomp of emperors.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Give me, kind Heaven, a private station,
A mind serene for contemplation:
Title and profit I resign;
The post of honour shall be mine.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part ii, The Vulture, the Sparrow, and other Birds
%%
Give me levity or give me death.
%%
Give me liberty or give me death!
 -- Patrick Henry (1775)
%%
Give me librium or give me meth.
%%
Give me neither poverty nor riches.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxx, 8
%%
Give me one good man, and I'll give him back when I'm done.
%%
Give me one good reason why I should listen to you.
%%
Give me some chocolate and no one gets hurt!
%%
Give me some sugar, baby.
%%
Give me that REAL old-time religion--Isis, Astarte,
Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Danu, Inanna
%%
Give me the avowed, the erect, the manly foe,
Bold I can meet,--perhaps may turn his blow!
But of all plagues, good Heaven, thy wrath can send,
Save, save, oh save me from the candid friend!
 -- George Canning (1770-1827)
 -- New Morality
%%
Give me the fruitful error any time, full of seeds, bursting with its own
corrections. You can keep your sterile truth for yourself.
 -- Vilfredo Pareto
%%
Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
%%
Give me the mind of a child of 4 and he'll be mine for life
 -- A.Hitler
%%
Give me the ready hand rather than the ready tongue.
 -- Giuseppe Garibaldi
%%
Give me the right word and the right accent and I will move the world.
 -- Joseph Conrad
%%
Give me the young man who has brains enough to make a fool of himself.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)
%%
Give me to drink mandragora, That I may sleep away this gap of time.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Give me water, and I'll burn it up.
%%
Give more than take.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Give my regards to all the people I care nothing about.
%%
Given a bad start, trouble will increase exponentially.
 -- The Parouzzi Principle
%%
Given a choice between two bald political candidates, the American
people will vote for the less bald of the two.
 -- Vic Gold
%%
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
 -- Blore's Razor
%%
Given a fifty-fifty chance, you will be wrong 90 per cent of the time.
%%
Given a problem of 'n' equations, there will be 'n+1' variables.
 -- The First SNAFU Equation
%%
Given a sufficient number of people and an adequate amount of time,
you can create insurmountable opposition to the most inconsequential idea.
 -- Devyver's law
%%
Given enough inside information and unlimited credit,
 you've got to go broke.
 -- Kennedy's Market Theorem
%%
Given enough time, memory and disk space... anything is possible.
%%
Given enough time, what you put off doing today will eventually get
done by itself.
 -- G. Gestra
%%
Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
%%
Given that God is infinite, and given that the Universe is infinite...
would you like a toasted tea cake?
 -- Talkie Toaster in Red Dwarf 'White Hole'
%%
Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying
around, I'd rather lie around.   No contest.
 -- Eric Clapton
%%
Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose
pain.
 -- William Faulkner
%%
Given the right support you can do anything, and remember that order
must must be maintained in the cave.
%%
Given to hospitality.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xii, 13
%%
Give sadists a fair crack at the whip.
%%
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Give the gift of high velocity lead.
%%
Give them all they want, and all they will want is more.
%%
Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Give thought to your reputation. Consider
 changing name and moving to a new town.
%%
Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Give to every other human being every right that you claim for
yourself-that is my doctrine.
 -- Thomas Paine (1737-1809)
%%
Give to the Clinton Contributions Fund c/o the IRS.
%%
Give to the Crash Dummy's Widow Fund.
%%
Give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the
garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah lxi, 3
%%
Give up.
%%
Give up on aerobics.  Aside from the problem of how to wear the
leotards, or just how you plan to do star jumps, there's not going to be
a lot of air where you're going to be.  Experiment with hydrobics
instead.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Give up, you'll only live till you die.
%%
"Give us a copper, Guv" said the beggar to the Treasury statistician,
when he waylaid him in Parliament square. "I haven't eaten for three
days." "Ah," said the statistician, "And how does that compare with
the same period last year?"
 -- Russell Lewis
%%
Give us, O give us, the man who is cheerful in his work! Be his occupation
what it may, he is equal to any of those who follow the same pursuit
in silent sullenness. He will do more in the same time, he will do it better,
he will persevere longer.
 -- Carlyle
%%
"Give us the man," shouts the multitude, "who will step forward and take
the responsibility."  He is instantly the idol, the lord, and the king
among men. He, then, who would command among his fellows, must excel
them more in energy or will than in power of intellect.
 -- Burnap
%%
Give us this day, our daily shred.
%%
Give weeds an inch and they'll take a yard.
%%
Give what thou canst, without Thee we are poor;
And with Thee rich, take what Thou wilt away.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book v, The Winter Morning Walk, Line 905
%%
Give without remembering. Take without forgetting.
%%
Give ya a fin for a tagline.
%%
Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries,
I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Give YOUR car a golden shower at Midas' Car Wash.
%%
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
%%
Give your decisions, never your reasons; your decisions may be right,
your reasons are sure to be wrong.
 -- Earl of Mansfild
%%
Giving advice isn't as risky as people say.
Few ever take it anyway.
 -- William Feather
%%
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than
Christianity has made them good.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Giving head to a long worm is like a long lasting reception.
%%
Giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Peter iii, 7
%%
Giving power and money to the government is like giving whiskey and
car keys to teenage boys.
 -- P.J. O'Rourke, former Gulf War correspondent,
 -- summing up what he learned
 -- during two years of research on how our government functions
%%
Giving up...
%%
Giving up Catholicism for Lent
%%
Giving up on assembly language was the apple in our Garden of Eden:
Languages whose use squanders machine cycles are sinful.  The LISP
machine now permits LISP programmers to abandon bra and fig-leaf.
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
Givin' the Miners a long distance CHEER!!!!
%%
Gizmonics Institute:  Home of the Deep 13 Burger.
%%
Glaciers move in tides. So do mountains. So do all things.
 -- John Muir
%%
Gladness of heart is the life of man, and the joyfulness of a man
prolongeth his days.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus xxx, 22
%%
Glad to be computing..
%%
Glance their many-twinkling feet.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Progress of Poesy, I, 3, Line 11
%%
:glark: /glark/ vt. To figure something out from context.  "The
   System III manuals are pretty poor, but you can generally glark the
   meaning from context."  Interestingly, the word was originally
   `glork'; the context was "This gubblick contains many
   nonsklarkish English flutzpahs, but the overall pluggandisp can be
   glorked [sic] from context" (David Moser, quoted by Douglas
   Hofstadter in his "Metamagical Themas" column in the
   January 1981 "Scientific American").  It is conjectured that
   hackish usage mutated the verb to `glark' because {glork} was
   already an established jargon term.  Compare {grok},
   {zen}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GLASS
  Container which shatters at the most inconvenient and unexpected
  moments. Glasses are known to have properties that cause them to
  throw themselves out of people's hands. Glasses are also specially
  designed not to bounce. On anything.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:glassfet: /glas'fet/ [by analogy with MOSFET, the acronym for
   `Metal-Oxide-Semiconductor Field-Effect Transistor'] n. Syn.
   {firebottle}, a humorous way to refer to a vacuum tube.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:glass: [IBM] n. Synonym for {silicon}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:glass tty: /glas T-T-Y/ or /glas ti'tee/ n. A terminal that
   has a display screen but which, because of hardware or software
   limitations, behaves like a teletype or some other printing
   terminal, thereby combining the disadvantages of both: like a
   printing terminal, it can't do fancy display hacks, and like a
   display terminal, it doesn't produce hard copy.  An example is the
   early `dumb' version of Lear-Siegler ADM 3 (without cursor
   control).  See {tube}, {tty}; compare {dumb terminal}, {smart
   terminal}.  See "{TV Typewriters}" (appendix A) for an
   interesting true story about a glass tty.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GLC: Generate Lewd Comment
%%
Gleemites:  Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
%%
Glen. I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
Hot. Why, so can I, or so can any man;
But will they come when you do call for them?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Glenlivet - as Smooth as Jim O's head
%%
GL: Get Lost
%%
Gli arcobaleni d'altri mondi
hanno colori che non so.
Ma lungo i fiumi d'altri mondi
nascono fiori che non ho.
[The rainbows of other worlds
have colors I don't know.
But along the rivers of other worlds
flowers are born that I don't have.]
 -- Fabrizio De Andre
%%
Glimo:  To attempt to see who is in the back of a limousine.
%%
Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable
truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid
effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her
sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire
to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?
 -- Herman Melville, Moby Dick
%%
:glitch: /glich/ [from German `glitschen' to slip, via Yiddish
   `glitshen', to slide or skid] 1. n. A sudden interruption in
   electric service, sanity, continuity, or program function.
   Sometimes recoverable.  An interruption in electric service is
   specifically called a `power glitch' (also {power hit}), of
   grave concern because it usually crashes all the computers.  In
   jargon, though, a hacker who got to the middle of a sentence and
   then forgot how he or she intended to complete it might say,
   "Sorry, I just glitched".  2. vi. To commit a glitch.  See
   {gritch}.  3. vt.  [Stanford] To scroll a display screen, esp.
   several lines at a time.  {{WAITS}} terminals used to do this in
   order to avoid continuous scrolling, which is distracting to the
   eye.  4. obs.  Same as {magic cookie}, sense 2.

   All these uses of `glitch' derive from the specific technical
   meaning the term has in the electronic hardware world, where it is
   now techspeak.  A glitch can occur when the inputs of a circuit
   change, and the outputs change to some {random} value for some
   very brief time before they settle down to the correct value.  If
   another circuit inspects the output at just the wrong time, reading
   the random value, the results can be very wrong and very hard to
   debug (a glitch is one of many causes of electronic {heisenbug}s).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Glittering generalities! They are blazing ubiquities.
%%
'Gloaters'...you really are a prat, aren't you Percy.
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
Global Village Idiot
%%
Glob thinkally, loc actally
%%
"Gloom, despair and agony on me.
  Deep dark depression, excessive misery.
 If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
  Oh, gloom, despair and agony on me."
%%
Gloomy as night he stands.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 749
%%
Gloria Steinem *IS* the man she was always looking for.
%%
Gloria Steinem lives in perpetual PMS.
%%
Gloria Steinem once said that "the surest way to be alone is to get
 married." If you viewed her up close, you'd know why she would say such a
 thing. Of course, you would also be sick.
%%
Gloria Steinem see OTHERS as responsible for wrongs suffered.
%%
Glories, like glow-worms, afar off shine bright,
But look'd too near have neither heat nor light.
 -- John Webster (c. 1580-1625)
 -- The White Devil, Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
Gloriously drunk, obey the important call.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 510
%%
:glork: /glork/ 1. interj. Term of mild surprise, usually tinged with
   outrage, as when one attempts to save the results of two hours of
   editing and finds that the system has just crashed.  2. Used as a
   name for just about anything.  See {foo}.  3. vt. Similar to
   {glitch}, but usually used reflexively.  "My program just glorked
   itself."  See also {glark}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
%%
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke ii, 14
%%
Glossary: Shoeshine stand.
 -- Ray Hand
%%
:glue: n. Generic term for any interface logic or protocol that
   connects two component blocks.  For example,  {Blue
   Glue} is IBM's SNA protocol, and hardware designers call anything
   used to connect large VLSI's or circuit blocks `glue logic'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GLUTTON, n.  A person who escapes the evils of moderation by
committing dyspepsia.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Gluttony is not a secret vice.
 -- Orson Welles
%%
Gluttony is not one of the troll's vices. Avarice, however, is.
%%
Gluttony kills more than the sword.
%%
GLV: Ground the Line Voltage
%%
GMCC: Generate Machine Check and Cash
%%
GMC: Garage Man's Companion
%%
GMC: Generally Mediocre Cars
%%
GMC: Generate Machine Check
%%
GMC: Get More Chicks
%%
GMC: Got Mechanic Coming
%%
GMC: Got More Crap
%%
GMC: Grungy Merchandise
%%
GME: Generate Meaningless Error
%%
GM: Garbage Makers
%%
GM: General Maintenance
%%
GM: General Mistake
%%
GM: Generous Motors
%%
G M:    So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
 S:      Yes, thirteen.
 G M:    Thirteen!  Good lord, isn't that a burden?
 S:      Well, I love my husband.
 G M:    Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
 -- Groucho Marx, on _You Bet Your Life_
%%
Gnagloot, n.:
 A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
:gnarly: /nar'lee/ adj. Both {obscure} and {hairy} (sense
   1).  "{Yow!} --- the tuned assembler implementation of BitBlt
   is really gnarly!"  From a similar but less specific usage in
   surfer slang.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gnash your teeth more - you're not quite crazy enough!
%%
Gnaw the bone which has fallen to thy lot.
%%
GND: Guess at Next Digit
%%
GNOME, n.  In North-European mythology, a dwarfish imp inhabiting the
interior parts of the earth and having special custody of mineral
treasures.  Bjorsen, who died in 1765, says gnomes were common enough
in the southern parts of Sweden in his boyhood, and he frequently saw
them scampering on the hills in the evening twilight.  Ludwig
Binkerhoof saw three as recently as 1792, in the Black Forest, and
Sneddeker avers that in 1803 they drove a party of miners out of a
Silesian mine.  Basing our computations upon data supplied by these
statements, we find that the gnomes were probably extinct as early as
1764.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Gnomes are too short to do it.
%%
GNOSTICS, n.  A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion
between the early Christians and the Platonists.  The former would not
go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin
of the fusion managers.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Gnudist: a person who hacks while wearing no clothes.
Gnubile: an eligible young hacker.
Gnugat: a hacker's favorite candy (Though it contains little gnutrition.)
Gnumatic: a computer filled with air.
Gnuisance: a novice hacker who keeps pestering you with foolish questions.
Gnuance: a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language.
Gnumerical analysis: what you use a supercomputer for.
Gnumismatist: a hacker who collects coins?
%%
GNUEMACS: Generally Not Used Except by Middle Aged Computer Scientists
%%
:GNU: /gnoo/, *not* /noo/ 1. [acronym: `GNU's Not UNIX!',
   see {{recursive acronym}}] A UNIX-workalike development effort of
   the Free Software Foundation headed by Richard Stallman
   <rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu>.  GNU EMACS and the GNU C compiler, two tools
   designed for this project, have become very popular in hackerdom
   and elsewhere.  The GNU project was designed partly to proselytize
   for RMS's position that information is community property and all
   software source should be shared.  One of its slogans is "Help
   stamp out software hoarding!"  Though this remains controversial
   (because it implicitly denies any right of designers to own,
   assign, and sell the results of their labors), many hackers who
   disagree with RMS have nevertheless cooperated to produce large
   amounts of high-quality software for free redistribution under the
   Free Software Foundation's imprimatur.  See {EMACS},
   {copyleft}, {General Public Virus}.  2. Noted UNIX hacker
   John Gilmore <gnu@toad.com>, founder of USENET's anarchic alt.*
   hierarchy.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:GNUMACS: /gnoo'maks/ [contraction of `GNU EMACS'] Often-heard
   abbreviated name for the {GNU} project's flagship tool, {EMACS}.
   Used esp. in contrast with {GOSMACS}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GNU, n.  An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state
resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag.  In its wild condition it is
something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

    A hunter from Kew caught a distant view
        Of a peacefully meditative gnu,
    And he said:  "I'll pursue, and my hands imbrue
        In its blood at a closer interview."
    But that beast did ensue and the hunter it threw
        O'er the top of a palm that adjacent grew;
    And he said as he flew:  "It is well I withdrew
        Ere, losing my temper, I wickedly slew
        That really meritorious gnu."
                                                           Jarn Leffer
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
GNU PROGRAMMERS do it for free and they don't give a damn about look & feel
%%
"Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy."
 -- Homer in "Moaning Lisa", from The Simpsons
%%
Go ahead. Attack me with that banana.
%%
Go ahead. Back up to the RAM disk. I dare you!
%%
Go ahead, bang your head against the wall. Be stupid.
%%
Go ahead, capitalize the T on technology, deify it if it will make you feel
less responsible -- but it puts you in with the neutered, brother, in with
the eunuchs keeping the harem of our stolen Earth for the numb and joyless
hardons of human sultans, human elite with no right at all to be where they
are --"
 -- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_
%%
Go ahead, correct my typos.  I'll make more.
%%
Go ahead. Dake my may.
%%
Go ahead, flame me...I've got heavy duty surge protectors.
%%
Go ahead, I dare You!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Go ahead, I dare you to steal this tagline!
%%
Go ahead, MAKE MY DAY !!!!
%%
Go ahead, MAKE MY DOWNLOAD!!!
%%
Go ahead, make my.....GODDAM COMPUTER WORK RIGHT!!!!!
%%
Go Ahead, Make My Lunch!
%%
Go ahead, Moderate my day.
%%
Go ahead, moderate my day-PUNK!
%%
Go ahead, punk...  try to take my gun away.
%%
Go ahead, say something...amuse your friends...both of 'em...
%%
Go ahead, steal my ideas...everyone else does...
%%
Go ahead, the Surgeon General has determined that you only live once.
%%
Go Ahead, We're cleared for weird.
%%
Goalie for the dart team.
%%
Goalies: At least we're in the Net!
%%
Goals are dreams with deadlines.
%%
Goaltenders are better 'cause they've got bigger sticks!
%%
Go and boil your bottom, you sons of a silly person!
%%
Go, and do thou likewise.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke x, 37
%%
"Go! And never darken my towels again!"
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), "Duck Soup"
%%
GOAT
  A horned beast, known to cross troll-infested bridges in packs of
  three. Goats are unable to eat flowers, lest they explode. The
  goats, I mean. It'd be pretty silly if flowers exploded. Then they
  couldn't have florists. They'd become explosists. "Anywhere in the
  world, send a message to show you hate. Intexploder."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Goat Boy is here to please you. Hur Hur Hur Hur Hur.
 -- Bill Hicks
%%
Go away.
%%
Go away...I'm alright.
 -- Last words of H. G. Wells
%%
Go away, kid.  You bother me.
%%
Go Away!: Ron Onhome
%%
:gobble: vt. 1. To consume, usu. used with `up'.  "The output
   spy gobbles characters out of a {tty} output buffer."  2. To
   obtain, usu. used with `down'.  "I guess I'll gobble down a copy
   of the documentation tomorrow."  See also {snarf}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Go bite the wall.
%%
Go boldly forth, my simple lay,
Whose accents flow with artless ease,
Like orient pearls at random strung.
 -- Sir William Jones (1746-1794)
 -- A Persian Song of Hafiz
%%
Go call a coach, and let a coach be called;
And let the man who calleth be the caller;
And in his calling let him nothing call
But "Coach! Coach! Coach! Oh for a coach, ye gods!"
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- Chrononhotonthologos, Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Go climb a gravity well!
%%
God Almighty first planted a garden.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Gardens
%%
God always has another custard pie up his sleeve.
%%
God and the devil are an effort after specialization and division of labor.
%%
God answers sharp and sudden on some prayers,
And thrusts the thing we have prayed for in our face,
A gauntlet with a gift in 't.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Aurora Leigh, Book ii
%%
God be thanked, the meanest of his creatures
Boasts two soul-sides,--one to face the world with,
One to show a woman when he loves her!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- One Word More, xvii
%%
God bless Atheism.
%%
God blesses still the generous thought And still the fitting word
He speeds, And truth, at His requiring taught, He quickens into deeds.
 -- Whittier
%%
God bless mommy and daddy and President George Bush,
 for at least as long as Dan Quayle is Vice President.
 -- New American Prayer
%%
God bless the King,--I mean the faith's defender!
God bless--no harm in blessing--the Pretender!
But who pretender is, or who is king,--
God bless us all!--that 's quite another thing.
 -- John Byrom (1691-1763)
 -- To an Officer of the Army, extempore
%%
God Bless Vespucciland!
%%
        God built a compelling sex drive into every creature, no
matter what style of fucking it practiced.   He made sex irresistibly
pleasurable, wildly joyous, free from fears.  He made it innocent
merriment.
        Needless to say, fucking was an immediate smash hit.   Everyone
agreed, from aardvarks to zebras.  All the jolly animals -- lions and
lambs, rhinoceroses and gazelles, skylarks and lobsters, even insects,
though most of them fuck only once in a lifetime -- fucked along
innocently and merrily for hundreds of millions of years.  Maybe they
were dumb animals, but they knew a good thing when they had one.
 -- Alan Sherman, The Rape of the A*P*E*
%%
"God cannot alter the past but historians can."
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
God considered not action, but the spirit of the action.  It is the intention,
not the deed, wherein the merit of praise of the doer consists.
 -- Pierre Abailard
%%
God corrected her 1st mistake, by creating Eve.
%%
God could create the universe in six days because he
didn't have to make it upward compatible.
%%
God created Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve.
%%
God created man; all the rest is the work of the integers.
%%
God created man, but I could do better.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
God created music so people could pray without words.
%%
God created sex. Priests created marriage.
 -- Voltaire
%%
God created the integers; all the rest is the work of man.
 -- Leopold Kronecker
%%
God creates Dinosaur, God destroys Dinosaur, God creates Man, Man
destroys God, Man creates Dinosaur, Dinosaur eats Man, Woman inherits
the Earth
 -- Jeff Goldblum and Laura Dern in Jurassic Park
%%
God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences
once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And
where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
%%
God defend me from the still water, and I'll keep myself from the rough.
 -- Proverb
%%
God didn't create the world in seven days--He goofed
off for six, then pulled an all-nighter.
%%
God does not ask the impossible.
%%
God does not have to put His name on a label in the corner of a meadow
because nobody else makes meadows.
%%
God does not play dice with the universe.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffible game of his
own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the
other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker
in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer
who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
 --  Gaiman and Pratchett
 -- Good Omens
%%
:G"odel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid:
Douglas Hofstadter
Basic Books, 1979
ISBN 0-394-74502-7

This book reads like an intellectual Grand Tour of hacker
preoccupations.  Music, mathematical logic, programming, speculations on
the nature of intelligence, biology, and Zen are woven into a brilliant
tapestry themed on the concept of encoded self-reference.  The perfect
left-brain companion to "Illuminatus".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
God ever arithmetizes.
%%
God forbid I should miss my first look at the wormhole.
 -- Troi, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
God forbid.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans ii, 31
%%
God, from a beautiful necessity, is Love.
 -- Martin F. Tupper (1810-1889)
 -- Of Immortality
%%
GOD gave us FREE WILL to choose....not to be intimidated!
%%
God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.
 -- Sir James M. Barrie, British Playwright
%%
God gave us these bodies because he has better ones at home.
 -- B. Klibanan
%%
God gave you that gifted tongue of yours, and set it between your teeth, to
make known your true meaning to us, not be rattled like a muffin man's bell.
 -- Carlyle
%%
God give me the strength to deal with stupid people.
 -- Tanda Clarke
%%
God gives burdens; also shoulders.
%%
God gives burdens; also shoulders

Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the
end of the 1980 election.    At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I
can't find it anywhere.  I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why
would he lie about a thing like that?
 -- Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish
%%
God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them.
 -- German proverb
%%
God gives us love. Something to love
  He lends us; but when love is grown
To ripeness, that on which it throve
  Falls off, and love is left alone.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- To J. S.
%%
God gives us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.
%%
God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be
changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the
wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
 -- Reinhold Niebuhr, The Serenity Prayer (1934)
%%
God grant me the senility to accept the things I cannot change,
The frustration to try to change things I cannot affect,
and the wisdom to tell the difference.
%%
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change the things I can, and the
weaponry to make the difference.
%%
God grant me the serenity to fix the bugs I find,
 and to call the rest features.
%%
God grants liberty only to those who love it, and are always ready
to guard and defend it.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech, June 3, 1834, Vol. iv, p. 47
%%
God grant that not only the love of liberty but a thorough knowledge
of the rights of man may pervade all the nations of the earth, so
that a philosopher may set his foot anywhere on its surface and say:
 "This is my country."
 -- Benjamin Franklin, letter to David Hartley, December 4, 1789
%%
God had sifted three kingdoms to find the wheat for this planting.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Courtship of Miles Standish, iv
%%
God has always been hard on the poor.
%%
God has a way of getting even, He allows 7 Bowl games to be played on the
 same day.
%%
God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little ...
The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty ... I do
not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman
... not enough to support a man and five children if he insists on
smoking and drinking beer.  But the man who cannot live on bread and
water is not fit to live!  A family may live on good bread and water in
the morning, water and bread at midday, and good bread and water at
night!
 -- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher
%%
God has no religion.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise;
and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things
that are mighty.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians i, 27
%%
God hath made man upright; but they have sought out many inventions.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes vii, 29
%%
God hath no fury like a sysop scorned!
%%
God heals and the doctor takes the fee.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
God helps them that help themselves.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
God helps those who have 7 percent mortgages.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
God helps those who help themselves.
 -- Algernon Sidney (1622-1683)
 -- Discourses on Government, Chap. ii, Sect. xxiii
%%
God help the rich - the poor can beg.
%%
God help those who do not help themselves.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
God help us, another Cthulhu convert! AAAIIIEEEAAAHHH!
%%
God Himself has no right to be a tyrant.
 -- William Godwin (English minister, reformer, philosopher,
 -- "Sketches in History" 1784
%%
God I hate floppies.
%%
God, I hope he isn't a schmuck like the others.
%%
God?  I'm no god.  God has mercy.
%%
God, I'm wasted here. It's no life for a man of noble blood being
  servant to a master with the intellectual capacity of a jug walrus
  and the social graces of a potty.
 -- Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
God invented mothers because he couldn't be every where at once, And
God invented guilt because mothers could not be every where at once.
%%
Go directly to jail.  Do not pass 'GO'.  Do not collect $200.00
%%
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
 -- Voltaire
%%
God is alive! He just don't want to get involved in anything.
%%
God is an atheist.
%%
God is a polytheist.
%%
GOD is applied POWER
which is applied GOVERNMENT
 which is applied POLITICS
which is applied ADVERTISING
which is applied SOCIOLOGY
which is applied PSYCHOLOGY
which is applied BIOLOGY
which is applied CHEMISTRY
which is applied PHYSICS
which is applied MATH
which is applied PHILOSOPHY
which is applied BULLSHIT
%%
God is as real as I am, the old man said.    My faith was restored, for
I new that Santa would never lie.
%%
God is a verb.
 -- Buckminster Fuller
%%
God is big, so don't fuck with him.
%%
God is completely good AND completely powerful.
%%
God is dead and I want His job.
%%
God is dead, but fifty thousand social workers have risen to
take his place.
 -- Dr J D McCoughey
%%
God is Dead
 -- Nietzsche
 Nietzsche is Dead
 -- God
 Nietzsche is God
 -- The (grateful) Dead
%%
God is dead--you are all absolutely free
%%
God is HERE, Let Us Celebrate!
%%
God is in my mind and the devil's in my pants.
 -- Jonathan Winters
%%
God is love, but get it in writing.
 -- Gypsy Rose Lee
%%
God is love; Satan is 30 and up one set.
%%
God is more interested in your future and your relationships than you are.
 -- Billy Graham
%%
God is not a cosmic bellboy!
%%
God is not all-powerful as he cannot build a wall he cannot jump: Pascal
%%
God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious
project.
%%
God is not dead!  He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's...
%%
GODISNOWHERE
%%
God isn't dead, He just couldn't find a parking place.
%%
God isn't dead, He's been busted.
%%
God isn't dead, he's just shelled to DOS.
%%
God isn't dead, He's just trying to avoid the draft.
%%
God isn't dead, She was never born.
%%
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent- it says so right
here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three
of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain
for you. No checks, please. Cash, and in small bills.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xlvi, 1
%%
God is perfect, man is not. Man made beer, God made pot!
%%
God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant,
and the cat. He has no real style. He just keeps on trying other things.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quoted in Francoise Gilot and Carlton Lake, Life with Picasso, pt. 1 (1964)
%%
God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
%%
"God is silent," he was fond of saying, "now if we
 can only get Man to shut up."
 -- Woody Allen
%%
God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, thehelpless, the miserable.
They find not only sanctuary in His arms, but also a kind of superiority,
soothing to their macerated egos; He will set them above their betters.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
God is the perfect poet,
Who in his person acts his own creations.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Paracelsus, Part ii
%%
God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
 -- Alfred Jarry
%%
God is wondrous, and mighty to be praised!!!
%%
God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!
%%
God killed Hendrix....
%%
God knows that a mother needs fortitude and courage and tolerance and
 flexibility and patience and firmness and nearly every other brave aspect
 of the human soul. But because I happen to be a parent of almost fiercely
 maternal nature, I praise casualness. It seems to me the rarest of virtues.
 It is useful enough when children are small. It is important to the point
 of necessity when they are adolescents.
 -- Phyllis McGinley
%%
God likes help when helping people.
 -- Irish Proverb
%%
God, look at the time! My girlfriend will kill me!
%%
God loves everyone in the world who doesn't love himself. Does God love
 God?
 -- Teilhard de Chardin
%%
God loves you!
%%
God loves you and he is going to send you to Hell.
%%
God loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass.
%%
God made a few people perfect--the rest He created right-handed.
%%
God made all the creatures, and gave them our love and our fear,
To give sign we and they are his children, one family here.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Saul, vi
%%
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
 -- Paul Valery
%%
God made gays so Rednecks wouldn't be bored by just picking on blacks.
%%
God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
%%
God made man because he loves stories.
 -- Yiddish saying
%%
God made man. God made woman. And when God found that men could not get
 along with women, God invented Mexico.
 -- Larry Storch
%%
God made the cat in order that man might have the pleasure
of caressing the lion.
 -- Fernand Mery
%%
God made the country, and man made the town.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book i, The Sofa, Line 749
%%
God made the world in six days, and on the seventh She was sued
for not filing an environmental impact statement.
%%
God made whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world!
%%
God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
God may give you seeds but he won't plant them for you.
%%
God may have a last name but I'm sure it's not "Damn It".
%%
God moves in a mysterious way
  His wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea
  And rides upon the storm.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Light shining out of Darkness
%%
God must have used Adam's funny bone when he made Eve.
%%
God must love assholes -- She made so many of them.
%%
God must love the comman man, he made so many of them.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
God never sends th' mouth but he sendeth meat.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
God often gives nuts to toothless people.
%%
God only knows what she could have gotten my mother to say.
 -- Pres. Bill Clinton to Speaker Newt Gingrich
 -- (Reference to Mrs. Gingrich's comments about Hillary Clinton)
%%
God only made man because he was disappointed with the monkey.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Godot was here, but you'll probably never be able to prove it.
%%
God owes an apology to Sodom & Gomorrah.
%%
God put drugs on this planet to assist and speed up the evolutionary process.
%%
God put me here with certain things to do and right now and I'm so
far behind, I'll probably never die.
 -- Bill Watterson, Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
%%
God requireth not a uniformity of religion.
 -- Roger Williams
%%
God rest you merry, gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay,
For Jesus Christ, our Saviour,
Was born upon this day.
%%
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday,
 and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday,
 Thursday, and Saturday.
 -- William Bragg
%%
God said "Let there be crap". An AMIGA appeared.
%%
God Said "Let there be Light" And The Pagan Said "Who Said That?"
%%
God said "Let there be light", So somebody struck a match
%%
God save our gracious king!
Long live our noble king!
  God save the king!
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- God save the King
%%
God save the mark.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
God save the screen!
%%
"God save you from a bad neighbor and from a beginner on the fiddle."
 -- Italian proverb
%%
God saw absolute truth lying in the street and picked it up.
The Devil said, "Give it to me and I'll organize it for you."
%%
'God says in the Bible' carries as much moral imperative to me as
 saying 'Dr. Seuss says in Green Eggs and Ham.'  Both are interesting books
 with some good messages, nothing more.
%%
God seems to have left the receiver off the hook.
 -- Arthur Koestler
%%
God sendeth and giveth both mouth and the meat.
 -- Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580)
 -- Five Hundred Points of Good Husbandry
%%
God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to
 receive it.
 -- Austin O'Malley
%%
Gods! How the son degenerates from the sire!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iv, Line 451
%%
God sifted a whole nation that he might send choice grain over into
this wilderness.
 -- William Stoughton (1631-1701)
 -- Election Sermon at Boston, April 29, 1669
%%
God 's in his heaven:
All 's right with the world.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Pippa Passes, Part i
%%
God's justice, tardy though it prove perchance,
Rests never on the track until it reach
Delinquency.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Cenciaja
%%
God's mill grinds slow, but sure.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
God's mouth knows not to utter falsehood, but he will perform each word.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Prometheus, 1032
%%
God, somewhere in the universe, is throwing
peanut butter sandwiches into black holes!
%%
God's plan made a hopeful beginning
But man spoiled his chances by sinning.
We trust that the story
Will end in God's glory,
But at present the other side's winning.
%%
God spoke, "A little conservative shall lead them .."
%%
God spoke, "A little liberal shall lead them .."
%%
Gods protect and preserve the Craft! May the Gods smile on you in.
%%
God.SyS Not Found...(R)eeBoot Universe?
%%
God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb.
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Maria
%%
GOD: That is your purpose Arthur ... the Quest for the Holy Grail ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
God: The contrapuntal genius of human fate.
%%
God the first garden made, and the first city Cain.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- The Garden, ii
%%
God: The Ultimate Autobiography
===============================
(Holy Ghost-written by Jeremy Pascall)
Featuring:
* THE TRUTH ABOUT ADAM AND EVE, and why they were fired from the world's
  first theme park.
* SODOM AND GOMORRAH: THE CITIES OF SIN, including street plans, good
  food guides and listings of the best clubs, discos, and bars.  And why
  compulsory demolition orders were placed on all of them.
* BEGETTING: THE DO'S AND DON'T'S, including why you shouldn't covet your
  neighbor's ass.
And exclusively revealing:
* The Eleventh Commandment!
* That pigs were *meant* to fly, and rhinos were designed to live under
  stones!
* That the sky should have been called "Waxtl" but Adam couldn't
  pronounce it!
Plus a word for any atheists among you: "Wrong!"
Ebury Press - ISBN 0 85223 657 3 - Hardback - $5.95
%%
God told me it's none of your business.
 -- Jimmy Swaggart
%%
God to wicked painter: "REPAINT! REPAINT!  And never thin again!"
%%
God used beautiful mathematics in creating the world.
 -- Paul Dirac
%%
God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on
 where to go.
 "Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter.
 "No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God.
 "Well, how about Mercury?"
 "No, it's too hot there."
 "Okay," said St. Peter, "What about Earth?"
 "No," said God,"They're such horrible gossips. When I was
 there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're
 still talking about it."
%%
God was left out of the constitution but was furnished a front seat
on the coins of the country.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Eruption (published 1949)
%%
God will always be the spiritual focus of the Boy Scouts of America.
%%
"God willing, we will return."
 -- Eugene Cernan, the Moon, 1972
%%
God will not give any soldier ammunition who is not willing to go into battle.
%%
God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for
scars.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come;
for if he had prescience of his prosperity he would be careless;
and understanding of his adversity he would be senseless.
 -- Augustine
%%
Godzilla gears up for a fatality... wait, Barney's surrounded by kids!
%%
:Godzillagram: /god-zil'*-gram/ n. [from Japan's national hero]
   1. A network packet that in theory is a broadcast to every machine
   in the universe.  The typical case is an IP datagram whose
   destination IP address is [255.255.255.255].  Fortunately, few
   gateways are foolish enough to attempt to implement this case!  2. A
   network packet of maximum size.  An IP Godzillagram has
   65,536 octets.  Compare {super source quench}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Godzilla will lead the monsters of the world against Barney.
%%
Goe to bed with the Lambe, and rise with the Larke.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues and his England, page 229
%%
:go flatline: [from cyberpunk SF, refers to flattening of EEG
   traces upon brain-death] vi., also adjectival `flatlined'. 1. To
   {die}, terminate, or fail, esp. irreversibly.  In hacker
   parlance, this is used of machines only, human death being
   considered somewhat too serious a matter to employ jargon-jokes
   about.  2. To go completely quiescent; said of machines undergoing
   controlled shutdown.  "You can suffer file damage if you shut down
   UNIX but power off before the system has gone flatline."  3. Of a
   video tube, to fail by losing vertical scan, so all one sees is a
   bright horizontal line bisecting the screen.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Go, forget me! why should sorrow
  O'er that brow a shadow fling?
Go, forget me, and to-morrow
  Brightly smile and sweetly sing!
Smile,--though I shall not be near thee;
Sing,--though I shall never hear thee!
 -- Charles Wolfe (1791-1823)
 -- Go, forget me!
%%
Go For It!
%%
Go for it! If it breaks it was worthless and would've broken anyway.
%%
Go Forth and Backup!
%%
Go FORTH and C PASCAL play COBOL with an APL.
%%
Go forth under the open sky, and list
To Nature's teachings.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- Thanatopsis
%%
Go get a real estate license.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Go get the bard off the floor.  We got some killing to do.
%%
Go Habs Go! and take the rest of the province with you!
%%
Go Hawaiian: Give your gal a lei.
%%
Go in a sack race.  It'll be good practice.
 -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Go Indians!  And take the Browns with you.
%%
Going as if he trod upon eggs.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 3
%%
Going back to the origin is called peace...
%%
Going.....Going.....GONE.........!
%%
Going into a church in Havana, a poor woman paused by a cross and kissed the
 feet of Jesus. "Tell me," asked a soldier, "would you kiss the feet of your
 great leader Castro as well?" The woman replied, "Why, yes - as long as he
 was hung this way."
%%
Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
%%
Going tagless has been a freeing experience!
%%
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
%%
Going through life pushing doors marked "Pull" ...
%%
Going to bed with a woman never hurt a ballplayer. It's staying up all
 night looking for them that does you in.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Going to church makes you about as Christian as going to McDonalds
makes you a hamburger.
%%
Going to fly?  Walk, you'll get there faster!
%%
Going to the dentist can be more a matter of attitude than anything else.
 It can be a drilling time, or it can bore you to death. It all depends, I
 guess, on whether or not the dentist gets on your nerves.
%%
Going to the mountains is going home.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a
Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist
 -- A Letter to The Champion: a publication of the National Assoc.
 -- of Criminal Defense Lawyers (July 1990)
%%
Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train.
Are you going sixty miles an hour,
or is the train going sixty miles an hour
and you are just sitting still?
 -- Jean Paul Getty, American oil magnate and philantropist
%%
Going where no clusters have gone before.
%%
Going where no NC has gone before!
%%
Going where no reader has ever gone before!
%%
Go into the street and give on man a lecture on morality, give another man
a dollar, and see who respects you more.
%%
Go kiss a Wookie!
%%
:golden: adj. [prob. from folklore's `golden egg'] When used to
   describe a magnetic medium (e.g., `golden disk', `golden tape'),
   describes one containing a tested, up-to-spec, ready-to-ship
   software version.  Compare {platinum-iridium}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Golden rule principles are just as necessary for operating a business
profitably as are trucks, typrewriters or twine.
 -- James Cash Penney (founder of JCPenney Company)
%%
Goldfish don't bounce.
%%
GOLDFISH
  Small orange coloured fish designed to fit easily into cat's claws.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Goldfish... what stupid animals. Even Ray Jones stops eating before he bursts.
%%
Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold!
Bright and yellow, hard and cold.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Miss Kilmansegg, Her Moral
%%
Goldilocks is about property rights.   Little Red Riding Hood is a tale
of seduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism.
 --  Bernard J. Hibbits
%%
Gold medalist, freestyle conclusion-jumping event.
%%
Gold, n.:
A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined
deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who immediately bury
it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold hasn't done anything
to them.
 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
Gold! Pure gold!
...Are you sure?
Yes, my lord. Behold...
Percy...it's _green_.
 -- Percy and Edmund : Money
%%
Go, lemmings, go!
%%
:golf-ball printer: n. The IBM 2741, a slow but letter-quality
   printing device and terminal based on the IBM Selectric
   typewriter.  The `golf ball' was a little spherical frob bearing
   reversed embossed images of 88 different characters arranged on
   four parallels of latitude; one could change the font by swapping
   in a different golf ball.  This was the technology that enabled APL
   to use a non-EBCDIC, non-ASCII, and in fact completely non-standard
   character set.  This put it 10 years ahead of its time --- where it
   stayed, firmly rooted, for the next 20, until character displays
   gave way to programmable bit-mapped devices with the flexibility to
   support other character sets.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Golf ... combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and
 hitting things with a stick. Try to tailor your golfing behavior to the
 low- key, low-pressure spirit of these antecedents. Calm the nerves of
 fellow players by talking cheerfully to them while they tee off or attempt
 to one-putt. Help the greenskeeper do his job by making sure that grass
 roots are well-aerated with divots. Give the caddy a chance to catch up on
 his aerobic exercises trotting alongside the golf cart with your bag on his
 shoulder. And don't hit things you aren't supposed to. An important aspect
 of golf is knowing what to hit.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Golfer: A person who hits and tells.
%%
Golfers always sink their putts.
%%
Golfers do it in 18 holes.
%%
Golfers do it with long shafts.
%%
Golfers hit their balls with shafts.
%%
GOLFERS swing a stiff shaft.
%%
GOLFER--Yells "Fore!", Takes Five, Writes Down Three.
%%
Golfing is the art of using a bowed club and a flawed swing, a poor stance
 and tight shoes, a weak grip and a lose shank tape on the handle of the
 club, to hit a small ball badly toward the wrong hole, out of turn.
%%
Golf is a good walk spoiled. (It's good sportsmanship not to pick
up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.)
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Golf isn't a sport. It's landscaping with the wrong tools.
%%
Golf players never die, they just loose their balls.
%%
Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of witnesses.
%%
Golf:  The game where ya gotta get it up to get it in...
%%
Golf, there's a thing that torments you and won't let you enjoy yourself.
 You've got to relax. I got out of this country's worst sand trap with just
 one stroke. Of course, the doctor said if I had another stroke like that it
 would be all over.
 -- Dave Astor
%%
Golf Tip:  To get more distance, simply smack the ball & run backwards.
%%
Golf:  You gotta have balls to play...
%%
Go, little booke! go, my little tragedie!
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Troilus and Creseide, Book v, Line 1798
%%
GolleeeEE, Sergeant Carter!!
%%
Golly Gosh!: G. Whiz
%%
      Go, lovely rose!
Tell her that wastes her time and me
      That now she knows,
When I resemble her to thee,
How sweet and fair she seems to be.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- Go, Lovely Rose
%%
Gone But Not Forgotten.  Remember Those People Who Are Not Here
%%
Gone Chopin, I'll be Bach in 1/2 hour Hayden my loot!
%%
Gone crazy, may be back later, leave message just in case.
%%
Gone Fishing: Rod Annette
%%
Gone, glimmering through the dream of things that were.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 2
%%
Gone With The Wind: George Uh
%%
Gon. Here is everything advantageous to life.
Ant. True; save means to live.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
:gonk: /gonk/ vt.,n. 1. To prevaricate or to embellish the truth
   beyond any reasonable recognition.  In German the term is
   (mythically) `gonken'; in Spanish the verb becomes `gonkar'.
   "You're gonking me.  That story you just told me is a bunch of
   gonk."  In German, for example, "Du gonkst mir" (You're pulling
   my leg).  See also {gonkulator}.  2. [British] To grab some
   sleep at an odd time; compare {gronk out}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:gonkulator: /gon'kyoo-lay-tr/ [from the old "Hogan's Heroes" TV
   series] n. A pretentious piece of equipment that actually serves no
   useful purpose.  Usually used to describe one's least favorite
   piece of computer hardware.  See {gonk}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gonna change my evil ways...  One of these days...
%%
Gonna live while I'm alive - I'll sleep when I'm dead.
%%
Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.
 -- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
Go not to the machines for counsel, for they will say both 0 and 1.
%%
Go not to Usenet for counsel, for it will say both no,
and yes, and no, and yes....
%%
:gonzo: /gon'zoh/ [from Hunter S. Thompson] adj. Overwhelming;
   outrageous; over the top; very large, esp. used of collections of
   source code, source files, or individual functions.  Has some of
   the connotations of {moby} and {hairy}, but without the
   implication of obscurity or complexity.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Good actions ennoble us, and we are the sons of our own deeds.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
GOOD, adj.  Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer.
Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
 -- La Rouchefoucauld
%%
Good afternoon, Tech Pacific, Tara speaking...
 -- Tara
%%
Good afternoon, this is your captain speaking.  I would like
to remind you that according to FAA regulations, this flight
has been declared a non smoking flight.  If you absolutely
must light up, you are invited to step outside.
%%
Good artists copy, great artists steal.
 -- Steve Jobs, commenting on
 -- early Macintosh design philosophy, and the Apple vs. HP/Microsoft suit.
%%
Good at a fight, but better at a play;
Godlike in giving, but the devil to pay.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- On a Cast of Sheridan's Hand
%%
Good behavior is the last refuge of mediocrity.
%%
Good books need no push!
%%
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how
little we think of the other person.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), Notebooks(1935)
%%
Good breeding shows itself most where, to an ordinary eye, it appears least.
 -- Addison
%%
Good but rarely came from good advice.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
Goodbye, Blackadder. I'd say 'Bon Voyage', but there's no point. You'll
  be dead in three months.
...I love you, Walter. I hope you know that.
 -- Raleigh and Edmund : Potato
%%
Goodbye, Everybody!
 -- Last words of Hart Crane, poet,
 -- who committed suicide by jumping overboard during a steamship voyage.
%%
Goodbye -     F%*k off.
 -- The everyday versatility of the "F" word
%%
Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
 -- George Saunders' dying words
%%
Goodbye Millionaire's Row, hello room 12 of the Budley-Salterton
  Twilight Rest Home for the Terminally Short of Cash.
 -- Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
Goodbye, Mr. Bond!
%%
 Good cleavage.
 -- Mr. Spock
 -- The Apple, after breaking an indigenous rock.
%%
Good clothes and good neighbors wear longest when they are not used too
 often.
%%
Good company and good discourse are the very sinews of virtue.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Compleat Angler, Part i, Chap. ii
%%
Good conversation is as stimulating as black coffee,
and just as hard to sleep after.
 -- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
%%
Good conversation, like a defensive driver, yields the right of way.
 -- William Walter De Bolt
%%
Good customers are rarer than latinum! ... Treasure them!
 -- Quark
%%
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
%%
Good day for flying but bad day for landings....
%%
Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
%%
Good day for water sports.  Take a bath with a friend.
%%
Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.
%%
Good day to get a little extra sleep.
%%
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
%%
Good die young.  Why live if you must be good?
%%
Good drink, good meat; Good God, let's eat!.
 -- Homer in "Eating Dinner" (Tracy Ullman Show), from The Simpsons
%%
Good Eats, Good Friends and Money.  That's all I need.
%%
Good enough is never good enough.
 -- Steckel's Rule to Success
%%
Good Evening, I'm Ted Modem and This.......is TAGLINE.
%%
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the universal amphitheater.
%%
Good evening, Lord Blackadder.
Well, it certainly is _now_...
 -- Lady Farrow and Edmund : Head
%%
Good evening, Mr. Phelps.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to....
%%
Good evening. Tonight's story concerns the death of Bob...
%%
Good fences make good neighbors.
%%
Good for 1 (one) hug, redeemable from your local friend.
%%
Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.
%%
Good friends and fish stink after 3 days
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
(The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish
than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.)
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
%%
Good girls go to heaven... but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!!
%%
"Good Golly Gosh!" by G. Whizz
%%
Good golly, Miss Molly!
%%
Good Grief! - The Sysop is Actually On The Board!!
%%
Good gun control is when you hit what you were aiming at.
%%
Good Habits are hard to cultivate, Bad Habits are impossible to weed.
%%
Good health and good sense are two of life's greatest blessings.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 827
%%
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
%%
Good health will be yours for a long time.
%%
Good health will be yours for a long time. All of your friend will die
before you.
%%
Good healthy attitudes are the ones everyone agrees with, because
if we didn't agree with it, it wouldn't be very healthy.
%%
Good Housekeeping: Lottie Dust
%%
Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness its poison.
 -- Stanislaus
%%
Good intentions always randomize behavior.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Good intentions are far more difficult to cope with than malicious behavior.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Good is recognized only when it goes away, evil when it comes.
%%
Good job! You have killed the flying dragon! The carcass smolders
a a moment, then with a great blast disappears in a cloud of smoke!
%%
Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from
bad judgment.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
Good LARD, isn't  Feminizm  *dead* yet?
%%
Good lawyers are even rarer than honest politicians.
%%
Good lawyers can get sodomy reduced to following to close.
%%
Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
%%
Goodle (n.)
 The puddle on the bar into wich the barman puts your change in.
%%
Good literature is about Love and War. Trash fiction is about Sex and
 Violence.
 -- Author Unknown
%%
Good Lord! Captain Blackadder! I thought you were...
...Playing tennis?
 -- Cpt. Darling and Edmund : Private Plane
%%
Good luck!
%%
Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.
%%
Good managers learn to share decisions with others even though they
alone must accept responsibility for the results.
%%
Good manners and bad breath will get ya nowhere (Elvis Costello)
%%
Good manners are the settled medium of social, as
specie is of commercial, life; returns are equally expected
for both.
 -- Lord Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Letters to his Son (1774) 25 December 1753
%%
Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people's bad manners.
 -- H. Jackson Browne, P. S. I Love You
%%
GoodMoaning.
%%
Good morning, campers!
%%
"Good morning.  For those of you who don't know me, I am not Dr. X;
 I am Dr. X's representative on Earth."
%%
Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
%%
`Good Morning' is a contradiction in terms
%%
Good morning! Is an opinion, not a greeting.
%%
'Good morning Mistress Ploppy', he'd say..and _I'd_ say..'Good morning,
  _Mr_ Ploppy'...!!!!
 .......The long winter evenings must just _fly_ by...
 -- Mrs Ploppy and Edmund : Head
%%
Good morning, Mr. Phelps...
%%
Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium.
%%
Good morning, this is the telephone company.  Due to repairs,
we're giving you advance notice that your service will be cut
off indefinitely at ten o'clock--that's two minutes from now.
%%
Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,
Is the immediate jewel of their souls:
Who steals my purse steals trash; 't is something, nothing;
'T was mine, 't is his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Good-nature and good sense are usually companions.
%%
Goodness does not consist in greatness, but greatness in goodness.
 -- Athenaeus (c. 200 AD)
 -- The Deipnosophists, xiv, 6
%%
Goodness is beauty in its best estate.
 -- Marlowe
%%
Goodness is the root of all evil.
%%
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
%%
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. Pay no attention to him.
%%
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
%%
Good news seldom if ever arrives by registered mail.
%%
Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
%%
GOOD-NIGHT, everybody..  Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID
 to my pet LEISURE SUIT!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Goodnight
 -- Lord Byron
%%
Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
 -- Jimmy Durante
%%
Goodnight, sweet Prince, and flights of angels take thee to thy rest.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
new lover.
%%
Good old days: Beer foamed and drinking water didn't.
%%
Good orators, when they are out, they will spit.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Good parking places are always on the other side of the street.
 -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.
 -- William Saroyan
%%
 Good people like I are never self-righteous.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Good people must die, but death cannot kill memories.
%%
Good pitching will always beat good hitting and vice-versa.
 -- Joe Garagiola
%%
Good place to put things--cellars.
 -- Dr. McCoy, REMEMBRANCE OF THE DALEKS
%%
Good planets R hard 2 find
 -- earth pix caption
%%
Good programmers never die... they just get swapped out!
%%
Good Programmers type copy con Program.exe
%%
Good questions outrank easy answers.
 -- Paul A. Samuelson
%%
Good, Quick, Cheap.  Pick any two!
%%
Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.
 -- Robert E. Schenk
%%
Good Scouting can always outmaneuver Murphy's law.
%%
Good sense about trivialities is better than nonsense about things that matter.
 -- Max Beerbohm
%%
Good sense, which only is the gift of Heaven,
And though no science, fairly worth the seven.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iv, Line 43
%%
Good sopranos and tenors have resonance -- where others have brains.
%%
Good Steak!: T. Bone
%%
Good supervision is the art of getting average people to do superior work.
%%
Good Tags never die, They just get Sniped.
%%
Good talkers are only found in Paris.
 -- Francois Villon (c. 1430-1484)
 -- Des Femmes de Paris, ii
%%
Good taste is always an asset.
 -- Rudy Bakalov
%%
Good taste is the worst vice ever invented.
%%
Good teachers, said a bank, should be rewarded. With that in mind, the bank
 ask various educational officers to submit names for a check for $ l000.00
 and a "plague." With a bank giving good teachers a "plague," it is easy to
 see why they are so few in number.
%%
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
 -- Gail Godwin
%%
Good tea. Nice house.
 -- Worf, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
Good Television (Shows)
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Good, terrific, I'm really looking forward to this.
Danger, excitment, sudden death. I can't wait....
 -- Vila
%%
Good, the more
Communicated, more abundant grows.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 71
%%
GOOD
  The opposite of bad. Just down the road from nice. Around the
  corner from great. A world away from nasty. And simply not related
  to flowerpot.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Good thing about New York:  Annual abandoned-auto show.
%%
:Good Thing: n.,adj. Often capitalized; always pronounced as if
   capitalized.  1. Self-evidently wonderful to anyone in a position
   to notice: "The Trailblazer's 19.2Kbaud PEP mode with on-the-fly
   Lempel-Ziv compression is a Good Thing for sites relaying
   netnews."  2. Something that can't possibly have any ill
   side-effects and may save considerable grief later: "Removing the
   self-modifying code from that shared library would be a Good
   Thing."  3. When said of software tools or libraries, as in "YACC
   is a Good Thing", specifically connotes that the thing has
   drastically reduced a programmer's work load.  Oppose {Bad
   Thing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Good things come to those who gain weight.
%%
Good things cost less than bad ones.
%%
Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.
%%
Good to be merie and wise.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ii
%%
Good to the heels the well-worn slipper feels
  When the tired player shuffles off the buskin;
A page of Hood may do a fellow good
  After a scolding from Carlyle or Ruskin.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- How not to settle it
%%
Good WHAT? really is the way to a Lady's heart.
%%
Goodwill is achieved by many actions; it can be lost by one.
%%
Good wine and brave men don't last long.
%%
Good wine needs no bush.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Epilogue
%%
Good wits jump;
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxvi
%%
Good Works: Ben Evolent
%%
Good writers define reality; bad ones merely restate it. A good writer
turns fact into truth; a bad writer will, more often than not, accomplish
the opposite.
 -- Edward Albee (1928- )
 -- Quoted in The Saturday Review, May 4, 1966
%%
Go oft to the house of thy friend, for weeds choke the unused path.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Goofy -- [adj.]  1) strange, unusual [See also: Ross Perot]
%%
Googol bottles of beer on the wall.
%%
Go on and try it. The worst you can do is make a fool
of yourself in front of all your friends
%%
Go on, EMOTE!  I was RAISED on thought balloons!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Go on, get out.  Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
 -- Karl Marx to his housekeeper
%%
Go on, just hit me! ...Name:Esc, #:27, Rank:UL..
%%
Go on, my friend, and fear nothing; you carry Caesar and his fortunes
in your boat.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caesar
%%
Go on! Shoot me again! I enjoy it! I love the smell of burnt feathers
 and gunpowder and cordite!
 -- Daffy Duck, "Duck! Rabbit! Duck!"
%%
'...Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes just like chicken, it
 tastes just like chicken!'    If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you
  gimme some damn chicken??
 -- Bob Goldthwait
%%
Goooood Morning Iraq!
%%
goose down: a way to get a slow climber to descend quickly.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
GOOSE, n.  A bird that supplies quills for writing.  These, by some
occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various
degrees of the bird's intellectual energies and emotional character,
so that when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person
called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript
of the fowl's thought and feeling.  The difference in geese, as
discovered by this ingenious method, is considerable:  many are found
to have only trivial and insignificant powers, but some are seen to be
very great geese indeed.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Gooshie!  Center me on #*%!$%@ NO CARRIER
%%
Gooshie: King of the Planet Halitosis
%%
Goosnargh.

Alright, how would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford after all,
but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Go out, get drunk, fall over, crawl home
 -- The Jez Shervell Book of Boozing
%%
Go over my head again and I'll have yours on a platter.
%%
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in
silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all
persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to
the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive
persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser
persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep
interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the
world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.  Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the
grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things
of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do
not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and
loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a
child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to
be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is
unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive
Him to be.  And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of
life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
 -- Max Ehrman (1872-1945) - "Desiderata" (1927)
%%
Go, poor devil, get thee gone! Why should I hurt thee? This world
surely is wide enough to hold both thee and me.
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Tristram Shandy, Vol. ii, chap, xii
%%
Go Rangers! Isn't Baseball fun. :-)
%%
Gorba-chef -- What's he cooking up now?
%%
Gorbachev has stolen our issues.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, when Gorbachev visited
     China and espoused liberty, freedom and democracy
%%
GORBACHEX: Popular Russian Breakfast cereal
%%
Gordian Knot Lock Co.
%%
Gordon does it in a Flash.
%%
Go real slow, you like it more and more. Take it as it comes, specialize
 in having fun.
 -- The Doors
%%
GORE = Gennifer's Only Remaining Enterprise
%%
GORE = Greatly Oriented to Radical Ecology
%%
Gore-tex: byproduct of the Texas chain saw massacre.
%%
:gorets: /gor'ets/ n. The unknown ur-noun, fill in your own
   meaning.  Found esp. on the USENET newsgroup alt.gorets, which
   seems to be a running contest to redefine the word by implication
   in the funniest and most peculiar way, with the understanding that
   no definition is ever final.  [A correspondent from the Former
   Soviet Union informs me that `gorets' is Russian for `mountain
   dweller' --- ESR] Compare {frink}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gorgonized me from head to foot,
  With a stony British stare.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Maud, Part i, Sect. xiii, Stanza 2
%%
GORGON, n.
    The Gorgon was a maiden bold
    Who turned to stone the Greeks of old
    That looked upon her awful brow.
    We dig them out of ruins now,
    And swear that workmanship so bad
    Proves all the ancient sculptors mad.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Gorgons and Hydras and Chimaeras dire.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 628
%%
:gorilla arm: n. The side-effect that destroyed touch-screens as a
   mainstream input technology despite a promising start in the early
   1980s.  It seems the designers of all those {spiffy} touch-menu
   systems failed to notice that humans aren't designed to hold their
   arms in front of their faces making small motions.  After more than
   a very few selections, the arm begins to feel sore, cramped, and
   oversized --- the operator looks like a gorilla while using the
   touch screen and feels like one afterwards.  This is now considered
   a classic cautionary tale to human-factors designers; "Remember
   the gorilla arm!" is shorthand for "How is this going to fly in
   *real* use?".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gorkon: "Don't let it end this way."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Gorkon: "If there is to be a brave new world, our generation is going to have
  the hardest time living in it."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Gorkon: "Well...I see we have a long way to go."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Gorkon: "You have not experienced Shakespeare until you have read it in the
  original Klingon."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
:go root: [UNIX] vi. To temporarily enter {root mode} in order
   to perform a privileged operation.  This use is deprecated in
   Australia, where v. `root' refers to animal sex.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:gorp: /gorp/ [CMU: perhaps from the canonical hiker's food, Good
   Old Raisins and Peanuts] Another {metasyntactic variable}, like
   {foo} and {bar}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
gorp: mealtime sound made by a hungry alpinist.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
GORS: GO Real Slow
%%
Gort, klaatu nikto barada.
 -- The Day the Earth Stood Still
%%
Go Saints Go (Christians, that is...)
%%
"Gosh, Dr. Heller... even your Death Ray doesn't work!"
  "By Gar!  How do you kill a dead dog?"
 -- Flaming Carrot and Dr. Heller try to, err, kill, a dead dog
%%
Gosheven: "Here we will stand."
Data: "Then here you will die."
 -- "The Ensigns Of Command", Stardate unknown
%%
Gosh, I didn't know TEFLON could melt !!
%%
"Gosh, I feel my IQ dropping by the minute."
 -- From THE NEW ADVENTURES OF MIGHTY MOUSE
%%
"Gosh, Mr. Monster... You're SWELL! I wanna be jus' like you when I grow up!"
  "Ha Ha!  Well... OF COURSE you do!"
 -- A sentimental moment in MR. MONSTER
%%
Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward?  That's the trouble with
time travel, you never can tell.
 -- Doctor Who
 -- Doctor Who, The Androids of Tara
%%
:GOSMACS: /goz'maks/ [contraction of `Gosling EMACS'] n. The first
   {EMACS}-in-C implementation, predating but now largely eclipsed by
   {GNUMACS}.  Originally freeware; a commercial version is now
   modestly popular as `UniPress EMACS'.  The author (James Gosling)
   went on to invent {NeWS}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Go softly....it's dark out there
%%
Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
%%
Go, Soul, the body's guest,
  Upon a thankless arrant:
Fear not to touch the best,
  The truth shall be thy warrant:
    Go, since I needs must die,
    And give the world the lie.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- The Lie
%%
Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!!!
%%
:Gosperism: /gos'p*r-izm/ A hack, invention, or saying due to
   arch-hacker R. William (Bill) Gosper.  This notion merits its own
   term because there are so many of them.  Many of the entries in
   {HAKMEM} are Gosperisms; see also {life}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gossip is the opiate of the depressed.
%%
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
%%
Go straight to the docs.  Do not pass GO.  Do not collect $200!
%%
GOSUB:coffee;work;RETURN:
%%
//GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
%%
Got a clue?  Share with others!
%%
Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?  Call the
convenient toll-free _IRS_Taxpayer_Complaint_Hot_Line_ number,
1-800-AUDITME.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Got a dog for my girlfriend, was a fair trade.
%%
Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it.
%%
Got a message from the action man, "I'm happy, hope you're happy too."
 -- David Bowie
%%
Got a monkey on my back; a muh-muh-muh-muh-monkey on my
 back-back, back-back ...
 ...nuh-nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh-nobody's fault but mine
 -- Led Zeppelin
%%
Got any dirty GIF's of your SysOp?  Wanna buy some?
%%
Got any gravel?  I need to fill some of these potholes in memory lane.
%%
Got any naked GIF's of your girlfriend? (Wanna buy a few?)
%%
Got ASIC PAL? Send a basic gw card.
%%
:gotcha: n. A {misfeature} of a system, especially a programming
   language or environment, that tends to breed bugs or mistakes
   because it both enticingly easy to invoke and completely unexpected
   and/or unreasonable in its outcome.  For example, a classic gotcha
   in {C} is the fact that `if (a=b) {code;}' is
   syntactically valid and sometimes even correct.  It puts the value
   of `b' into `a' and then executes `code' if
   `a' is non-zero.  What the programmer probably meant was
   `if (a==b) {code;}', which executes `code' if
   `a' and `b' are equal.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Gotcha, you snot-necked weenies!"
 -- Post Brothers Comics
%%
Go thou and sin more creatively next time.
%%
Got it straight now? Good.
%%
Got Kleptomania? Then take something for it!
%%
Got Mole problems?
 Call Avogardo 6.02 x 10^23
%%
Got my Uzi, got some Scotch...let's go to Disneyland!
%%
Got naked photos of the Sysop? No? Wanna buy some?
%%
Go to bed. What you're staying up for isn't worth it.
 -- Andy Rooney
%%
Go to friends for advice; to women for pity; to strangers for charity;
to relatives for nothing.
%%
GOTO, GOING TO, GONE TO ~ Borg subroutine
%%
Go to grass.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Little French Lawyer, Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Go to hell, Avon....
 -- Servalan
Probably....
 -- Avon
%%
Go to Hell Mr. Stout -- you stink as a human being.
 -- Deb Paul
%%
"Go to Hell!" or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy question
deserves.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Goto, n.: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to
complain about unstructured programmers.
 -- Ray Simard
%%
Go to sleep and dream of the tragedy that is your life.
%%
"GOTO statement considered harmful"
The unrestricted use of a GOTO statement is considered to be harmful because
it hampers program understandability. Consequently, a programmer should justify
every use of a GOTO statement.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra, letter in CACM 11, 3 (March, 1968)
%%
Go to the 28th annual snail & slug festival! music-rides-games-prizes...
Fun for the whole family.
%%
Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs vi, 6
%%
Go to the icebox get me a Beer.
%%
Gotta have my Corn Pops...
%%
Gotta love me...I'm the baby.
 -- baby dinosaur, DINOSAURS
%%
Gotta run.  My neighbors just sighted Elvis making crop circles.
%%
Got the Blues?  Try something Silver!
%%
Got the rest? Try the best: PacketBoy for Windows!
%%
Got the sex duh-rive ... driving 'm mad ...
%%
Got to go, I think a SCUD just landed in my livingroom.
%%
Got to go, the dinner's fighting and the kids are burning.
%%
Got your seatbelt on? I saw this trick in a movie once...think I can do it...
%%
Goulden's Axiom of the Bouncing Can: If you drop a full can of beer, and
remember to rap the top sharply with your knuckle prior to opening, the ensuing
gush of foam will be between 89 and 94 percent of the volume that would
splatter you if you didn't do a damn thing and went ahead and pulled
the top immediately.
 -- Joseph C. Goulden
%%
GOUT, n.  A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"Gov. Dukakis, rebuttal?"
  "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy."
 -- From the Bush-Dukakis debate satire on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
%%
Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish.  Do not overdo it.
 -- Lao-Tzu
%%
Government action and inaction both gravely impair business confidence.
 -- Mark Epernay
%%
Government as substitute husband.
%%
Government can be a kind of gangsterism and is in Russia and is
likely to be here if we don't take care of ourselves pretty carefully.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869-1959),
 -- on Mike Wallace Asks, T.V. Interview, 1958
%%
Government corruption will always be reported in the past tense.
 -- The Watergate Principle
%%
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
 -- Wiker's Law
%%
Government for one, to hell with majority!
%%
Government Intelligence - Another OXYMORON!
%%
Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement
than they have to our knowledge.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Government is a burden on the people.
%%
Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.
 -- John Updike, Couples
%%
Government is a trust, and the officers of the government are trustees;
and both the trust and the trustees are created for the benefit of
the people.
 -- Henry Clay (1777-1852)
 -- Speech at Ashland, Ky., March 1829
%%
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite
at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
 -- Ronald Reagan, "Saturday Evening Post" 1965
%%
Government is non-consensual S&M with the second
amendment as the only safeword
%%
Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire,
a troublesome servant and a fearful master.  Never for a moment should
it be left to irresponsible action.
 -- George Washington
%%
Government isn't the solution, it's the problem.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Government is the great fiction whereby everyone
endeavors to live at the expense of everyone else
%%
Government is the only known enemy of intelligent life.
%%
Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are
different lies.
%%
Government of the people, by the lawyers, for the conservatives.
%%
Government protection should be thrown around every wild grove and forest
on the mountains, as it is around every private orchard, and the trees in
public parks. To say nothing of their value as fountains of timber, they
are worth infinitely more than all the gardens and parks of towns.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Government run health care makes me sick!
%%
Government said Americans are all geographically illiterate and
 economically ignorant. It's true. How many times you said to yourself:
 "Where did all my money go?"
 -- Alan Prophet
%%
Government should spend our money like it was their own.
%%
Governments last as long as the under-taxed can defend themselves
from the over-taxed.
%%
Governments, like physicians, must simultaneously be the masters
and the servants of those whom they govern.
 -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
Government spending?  I don't know what it's all about.  I don't know
any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he
doesn't know much.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Governments that don't trust most people with weapons, deserve no trust.
%%
Government sucks.
 -- Ben Olson
%%
Government Survey Shows Government Surveys Are Accurate.
%%
Government.SYS corrupt. Reboot President? (Y/N/Q) Y
%%
Government Tagline. Takes up space, no known function.
%%
Government: the ultimate con game.
%%
    Government, today, is growing too strong to be safe.
There are no longer any citizens in the world; there are only
subjects.  They work day in and day out for their masters;
they are bound to die for their masters at call.  Out of this
working and dying they tend to get less and less.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Government under democracy is government by orgy...almost by orgasm.
%%
Government: You make it, we take it.
%%
Gov't corrupt. (A)bolish, (R)evolt, (I)gnore Constitution?
%%
Govt. failure! Boot President, Reformat Congress? (Y/n)
%%
GOVT.SYS corrupt - (R)ecall, (R)ebel, (E)ject.
%%
Go water skiing, but keep the other ski as a spare.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Go 'way!  You're bothering me!
%%
Go west, old man.
 -- Irving "Swifty" Lazar (from Moss Hart)
%%
Go where glory waits thee!
But while fame elates thee,
  Oh, still remember me!
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Go where Glory waits thee
%%
Go where no man has gone b4! The ladies Bathroom!
%%
Go where the money is.
 -- Bank robber Willie Sutton
%%
Go with the Flow.
 -- Bernoulli's Law
%%
Go with the universe, then.  You're soaking in one now.
%%
Go with the warp!
%%
Gowron:  Blue-eyed Klingon Soul.
%%
Gowron: "That could take hours!"
K'Ehleyr: "Or days, depending on your cooperation."
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
Go! you may call it madness, folly;
  You shall not chase my gloom away!
There 's such a charm in melancholy
  I would not if I could be gay.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
%%
Goy: ... The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle,
as the following quote from Lenny Bruce illustrates:

       "I'm Jewish.  Count Basie's Jewish.  Ray Charles is Jewish.
Eddie Cantor's goyish.     The B'nai Brith is goyish.  The Hadassah is
Jewish.  Marine Corps -- heavy goyish, dangerous.
        "Kool-Aid is goyish.  All Drake's Cakes are goyish.
Pumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish.
Instant potatoes -- goyish.  Black cherry soda's very Jewish.
Macaroons are very Jewish.  Fruit salad is Jewish.  Lime Jell-O is
goyish.  Lime soda is very goyish.  Trailer parks are so goyish that
Jews won't go near them ..."
 -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
%%
Gozer the Gozerian:   As the duly appointed representative of the city,
 county and state of New York, I hereby order you to cease all supernatural
 activities at once and proceed immediately to your place of origin or
 the nearest parallel dimension, whichever is nearest.
 -- Ray (Dan Akyroyd, _Ghostbusters_
%%
Gozzo, come quick- and bring the electrodes!
%%
GPCR: Generate Petty Cache Request
%%
GP fault at 0009:0483 - Operator halted!
%%
:GPL: /G-P-L/ n. Abbreviation for `General Public License' in
   widespread use; see {copyleft}, {General Public
   Virus}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:GPV: /G-P-V/ n. Abbrev. for {General Public Virus} in
   widespread use.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Grab all the taglines you can!
%%
Grab your Cape/And drop the phone/Your next stop is/The Joker Zone
%%
Grab your egg-and-fours and let's get the bacon delivered!
%%
Grac'd as thou art with all the power of words,
So known, so honour'd at the House of Lords.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle vi, Book i, To, Mr. Murray
%%
Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty,
hesitation or incongruity.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
GRACES, n.  Three beautiful goddesses, Aglaia, Thalia and Euphrosyne,
who attended upon Venus, serving without salary.  They were at no
expense for board and clothing, for they ate nothing to speak of and
dressed according to the weather, wearing whatever breeze happened to
be blowing.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eye,
In every gesture dignity and love.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 488
%%
Grades are not why people go to school. You go to school to learn the
    basics so that you apply it to REALLY learn in real life. What grade you
    got today will never predict what you will be in, say, ten years from now.
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
Grad school - just say no.
%%
Graduate Cum Laude from Miskatonic University.
%%
Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
%%
Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management.
%%
Graduate of the Han Solo school of asteroid belt navigation.
%%
Graduate of the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies.
%%
Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving.
%%
Graduate of the Uncle Fester School of Party Etiquette.
%%
Graduates do it by degrees.
%%
Graduate, Whatsamatta U. School of Management.
%%
Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.
%%
Graffiti is a language people who use public places seem to speak.
%%
Grain grows best in shit.
 -- Ursula K. LeGuin
%%
Grain! Hops! Barley! Sounds like breakfast to me.
%%
Grammarian, orator, geometrician; painter, gymnastic teacher, physician;
fortune-teller, rope-dancer, conjuror,--he knew everything.
 -- Juvenal (47-138 AD)
 -- Satire iii, 76
%%
Grammarians never die-they fall into a comma.
%%
Grammar, n.  A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet
for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to
distinction.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Grammar POLICE AT WORK - CLEANING UP THE LANGUAGE
%%
Grammar, which knows how to control even kings.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Les Femmes savantes, Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
Grandchildren: God's reward for parents who survive.
%%
Grandkids - God's reward for not strangling your own children.
%%
Grandma got run over by a dragon.
%%
Grandma got run over by a reindeer...
%%
Grandparents: reliable baby-sitting.
%%
*?  <--  Grandpa Tribble with his cane
%%
Grand Slam Event:  A honeymoon...
%%
Grantland Rice can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
 -- Gene Autry
%%
Grant me the strength to ignore ignorance
%%
Grant that the old Adam in these persons may be so buried, that the
new man may be raised up in them.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Baptism of those of Riper Years
%%
Grape Nehi - Arkansas beer?
%%
GRAPE, n.
    Hail noble fruit! -- by Homer sung,
        Anacreon and Khayyam;
    Thy praise is ever on the tongue
        Of better men than I am.

    The lyre in my hand has never swept,
        The song I cannot offer:
    My humbler service pray accept --
        I'll help to kill the scoffer.

    The water-drinkers and the cranks
        Who load their skins with liquor --
    I'll gladly bear their belly-tanks
        And tap them with my sticker.

    Fill up, fill up, for wisdom cools
        When e'er we let the wine rest.
    Here's death to Prohibition's fools,
        And every kind of vine-pest!
                                                       Jamrach Holobom
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Grapenut is working, but it is working as Chestnut.   The cables have
been switched, so Chestnut printing continues even though Chestnut the
printer is in bed with a cold.  Grapenut printing has been halted, even
though Grapenut the printer is printing under an assumed name
(Chestnut).
 -- Jason Schreibeis, from an Operations ser
%%
Grape nuts is a social disease.
%%
Grape nuts?  What do they do with the rest of the grape?
%%
GRAPESHOT, n.  An argument which the future is preparing in answer to
the demands of American Socialism.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Grape:  Uninteresting larval stage of wine.
%%
Graphs of higher degree polynomials have this habit of doing unwanted
wiggly things.
 -- from a 1A Engineering maths lecture :
%%
Grass growing from sidewalk cracks never turns brown.
%%
Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken.
 -- Book of Chan compiled by O.P.U. sect
%%
Grasshoppotamus:  A creature that can leap to tremendous heights...  once.
%%
GRASSY KNOLL
  It's so lucky that someone happened to be filming when JFK got
  shot. Ever since then, they've made sure that there is a camera
  trained on the President 24 hours a day. Which is why we always see
  Bill Clinton jogging, eating McDonalds, etc. About the only thing
  we don't get to see him doing is having a crap in the White House
  Out House.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
GRATEFUL DEAD    The motif of a cycle of folk tales which begin with the hero's
coming upon a group of people ill-treating or refusing to bury the corpse of
a man who had died without paying his debts.  He gives his last penny either
to pay the man's debts or to give him a decent burial.  Within a few hours he
meets with a travelling companion who aids him in some impossible task, gets
him a fortune, saves his life, etc.  The story ends with the companion's
disclosing himself as the man whose corpse the other had befriended.
 -- FUNK & WAGNALLS
 -- NEW PRACTICAL STANDARD DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
 -- BRITANNICA WORLD LANGUAGE EDITION, VOL.1, 1955
%%
Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in
all Venice. His reasons are as two grains of wheat hid in two bushels
of chaff: you shall seek all day ere you find them, and when you have
them, they are not worth the search.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Gratitude is best and most effective when it does not evaporate itself
in empty phrases.
 -- Magnifico Giganticus (aka the Mule)
%%
Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors.
 -- Francious de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all
the others.
 -- Cicero
%%
Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much. For
on the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation,
our neighbors build up their philosophy of life.
 -- A. J. Cronin
%%
Gratitude, like love, is never a dependable international emotion.
 -- Joseph Alsop
%%
:grault: /grawlt/ n. Yet another {metasyntactic variable}, invented by
   Mike Gallaher and propagated by the {GOSMACS} documentation.  See
   {corge}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gravediggers die to do it.
%%
"Grave Mistakes" by Paul Bearer
%%
GRAVE, n.  A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of
the medical student.

    Beside a lonely grave I stood --
        With brambles 'twas encumbered;
    The winds were moaning in the wood,
        Unheard by him who slumbered,

    A rustic standing near, I said:
        "He cannot hear it blowing!"
    "'Course not," said he:  "the feller's dead --
        He can't hear nowt [sic] that's going."

    "Too true," I said; "alas, too true --
        No sound his sense can quicken!"
    "Well, mister, wot is that to you? --
        The deadster ain't a-kickin'."

    I knelt and prayed:  "O Father, smile
        On him, and mercy show him!"
    That countryman looked on the while,
        And said:  "Ye didn't know him."
                                                         Pobeter Dunko
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
graven - a very serious `n'
%%
Graves dug to custom fits.
%%
Graves: Sure wish he would end up in one.
%%
Gravidity - what keeps you from floating off the planet.
%%
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
GRAVITATION, n.  The tendency of all bodies to approach one another
with a strength proportion to the quantity of matter they contain --
the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength
of their tendency to approach one another.  This is a lovely and
edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B,
makes B the proof of A.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Gravity always gets me down.
%%
Gravity brings me down.
%%
Gravity doesn't suck, the earth does.
%%
Gravity increases geometrically with alcohol consumed.
%%
Gravity increases geometrically with beer consumed.
%%
Gravity is a law.  Lawbreakers will be brought down!
%%
Gravity is a mystery of the body, invented to conceal the defects of the mind.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
%%
Gravity is an unforgiving motherfucker.
%%
Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law.
%%
Gravity isn't my fault. Hey, I voted for velcro.
%%
Gravity is what you get when you eat too much and too fast.
%%
Gravity: it's not just a great idea... it's the law!
%%
Gravity sure can be rough at times.
%%
:gray goo: n. A hypothetical substance composed of {sagan}s of
   sub-micron-sized self-replicating robots programmed to make copies
   of themselves out of whatever is available.  The image that goes
   with the term is one of the entire biosphere of Earth being
   eventually converted to robot goo.  This is the simplest of the
   {{nanotechnology}} disaster scenarios, easily refuted by arguments
   from energy requirements and elemental abundances.  Compare {blue
   goo}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
Gray hair is often a sign that the beautician is on vacation.
%%
Great American sport.  Horseshoes is a very great game. I love it.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/5/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Great, another woman who won't get personal with me on the holodeck.
 -- Geordi, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
Great beer bellies are made, not born.
%%
Great big gobs of greasy, grimey, gopher's guts,
 Mutilated monkey meat,
 Little birdies dirty feet.
 Great big gobs of greasy grimey gopher's guts,
 And I forgot my spoon!
%%
GREATBIGOSAURUS
  Last of the great dinosaurs, the Greatbigosaurus became extinct
  just last week, when it got run down by a film-crew on its way to
  film a Traffic Accident Commission commercial. Well, come on, if
  you were 65 million years old, you'd be a little slow crossing the
  street too.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Great bouncing icebergs!
 -- Santa
%%
Great Britain has lost an Empire and has not yet found a role.
 -- Acheson, Dean (1893-1971) [1962.12.05]
 -- Speech at the Military Academy, West Point
 -- in Vital Speeches 1 January 1963, p. 163
%%
Great Caesar fell.
O, what a fall was there, my countrymen!
Then I, and you, and all of us fell down,
Whilst bloody treason flourish'd over us.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Great code is not written by people in gray flannel suits.
%%
Great composer, but hasn't written much lately.
 -- Richard Caley
%%
Great computers are not developed by people in gray flannel suits.
%%
Great contest follows, and much learned dust.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iii, The Garden, Line 161
%%
Great Cooks Are NOT Appreciated.
%%
Great Cooks Are Not Found In Kitchens Only In Heaven.
%%
Great Dames for sale.
%%
Great Dane of a Lane
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks.
 -- Herodotus
%%
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for
his friends.
 -- New Testament
 -- John xv, 13
%%
Great errors seldom originate but with men of great minds.
 -- Petrarch
%%
 * Greatest number of citizens who have actually boarded a UFO
 * Many newspapers feature "JUMBLE"
 * Hourly motel rates
 * Vast majority of Elvis movies made here
 * Didn't just give up right away during World War II like some 
     countries we could mention
 * Goatees & Van Dykes thought to be worn only by weenies
 * Our well-behaved golf professionals
 * Fabulous babes coast to coast
 -- David Letterman's "Things we can be proud of as Americans"
%%
Great events make me quiet and calm; it is only trifles that irritate
my nerves.
 -- Queen Victoria in a letter to King Leopold of Belgium, April 4, 1848
%%
Great families of yesterday we show,
And lords, whose parents were the Lord knows who.
 -- Daniel Defoe (1660-1731)
 -- The True-Born Englishman, Part i, Line 1
%%
Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em and little
 fleas have lesser fleas and so ad infinitum
 -- Augustus de Morgan
%%
Great goal! That was one in a million!
%%
Great Gobs o' goose grease!  A computer
%%
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts!
%%
Great hardware is not designed by people in gray flannel suits.
%%
Great hunks of this quote ripped out screaming...
%%
Great ideas need landing gear as well as wings.
 -- C.D. Jackson
%%
Greatings Earthling.  Take me to your Sysop!
%%
Great is Diana of the Ephesians.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xix, 28
%%
Great is the art of beginning, but greater the art of ending...
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
Great is truth, and mighty above all things.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Esdras iv, 41
%%
Great job! You have killed the slimey nostril monster! He (she?)
has has turned into a puddle on the floor and has slowly evaporated.
%%
Great.  Just what we need.  A manic bard who can't sing.
%%
Great leaders are rare, so I'm following myself.
%%
Great let me call him, for he conquered me.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- The Revenge, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Great Lover, n.:
      A man who can breathe through his ears.
%%
Great men are not always wise.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxii, 9
%%
Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any force,
that thoughts rule the world.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 -- Progress of Culture
%%
Great minds always meet at infinity.
%%
Great minds discuss ideas.  Small minds discuss people.
%%
Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
Great minds run in great circles.
%%
Great minds travel in the same sewers.
%%
Great move! He has done damage to your leg! I have a bandage, but
you you won't be able to carry as much as before.
%%
Great! My cat has been cashing my reality checks again!
%%
Greatness is a road leading towards the unknown.
 -- Charles DeGaulle
%%
Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
%%
Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them
to the eyes of men.
 -- Brooke Foss Westcott
%%
Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us
every day.
 -- Sally Koch
%%
"Great perils have this beauty, that they bring to
 light the fraternity of strangers."
 -- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
Great Pompey's shade complains that we are slow,
And Scipio's ghost walks unaveng'd amongst us!
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
:Great Renaming: n. The {flag day} in 1985 on which all of the
   non-local groups on the {USENET} had their names changed from
   the net.- format to the current multiple-hierarchies scheme.  Used
   esp. in discussing the history of newsgroup names.  "The oldest
   sources group is comp.sources.misc; before the Great Renaming,
   it was net.sources."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Great Scott, sir! You mean the moment's finally arrived for us to give
  Harry Hun a good old British-style thrashing, six of the best,
  trousers down?
...If you mean, 'Are we all going to get killed?', then...yes.
 -- George and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Great shot kid.  Don't get cocky!
 -- Han Solo to Luke. (Star Wars)
%%
Great shot! That was one in a million!
%%
Great souls by instinct to each other turn. Demand alliance, and
in friendship burn.
 -- Addison
%%
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities.
 The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly
 submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his
 intelligence.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Great Tennis Matches: Davis Skupp
%%
Great things are done when men and mountains meet.
%%
Great things can be reduced to small things,
and small things can be reduced to nothing.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Great thoughts come from the heart.
 -- Marquis of Vauvenargues (1715-1747)
 -- Maxim cxxvii
%%
Great thoughts, great feelings came to them,
  Like instincts, unawares.
 -- Richard Monckton Milnes (Lord Houghton) (1809-1885)
 -- The Men of Old
%%
Great truths are portions of the soul of man;
Great souls are portions of eternity.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Sonnet vi
%%
:great-wall: [from SF fandom] vi.,n. A mass expedition to an
   oriental restaurant, esp. one where food is served family-style
   and shared.  There is a common heuristic about the amount of food
   to order, expressed as "Get N - 1 entrees"; the value of N,
   which is the number of people in the group, can be inferred from
   context (see {N}).  See {{oriental food}}, {ravs},
   {stir-fried random}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 163
%%
Great wits jump.
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Tristram Shandy, Vol. iii, Chap. ix
%%
:Great Worm, the: n. The 1988 Internet {worm} perpetrated by
   {RTM}.  This is a play on Tolkien (compare {elvish},
   {elder days}).  In the fantasy history of his Middle Earth
   books, there were dragons powerful enough to lay waste to entire
   regions; two of these (Scatha and Glaurung) were known as "the
   Great Worms".  This usage expresses the connotation that the RTM
   hack was a sort of devastating watershed event in hackish history;
   certainly it did more to make non-hackers nervous about the
   Internet than anything before or since.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Greed is envy with its sleeves rolled up.
%%
Greed is eternal.
 -- The 10th Rule Of Acquisition
%%
Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works
 -- Fajo
%%
Greed is the root of all evil; honesty is the root of all good; honest
greed is the root of all roots.
%%
GREEKS do it with their brothers and sisters
%%
Greek Unbeliever!: Hera Tick
%%
Green be the turf above thee,
  Friend of my better days!
None knew thee but to love thee,
  Nor named thee but to praise.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- On the Death of Joseph Rodman Drake
%%
:Green Book: n. 1. One of the three standard {{PostScript}}
   references: "PostScript Language Program Design", bylined
   `Adobe Systems' (Addison-Wesley, 1988; QA76.73.P67P66 ISBN
   0-201-14396-8); see also {Red Book}, {Blue Book}, and the
   {White Book} (sense 2).  2. Informal name for one of the three
   standard references on SmallTalk: "Smalltalk-80: Bits of
   History, Words of Advice", by Glenn Krasner (Addison-Wesley, 1983;
   QA76.8.S635S58; ISBN 0-201-11669-3) (this, too, is associated with
   blue and red books).  3. The "X/Open Compatibility Guide", which
   defines an international standard {{UNIX}} environment that is a
   proper superset of POSIX/SVID; also includes descriptions of a
   standard utility toolkit, systems administrations features, and the
   like.  This grimoire is taken with particular seriousness in
   Europe.  See {Purple Book}.  4. The IEEE 1003.1 POSIX Operating
   Systems Interface standard has been dubbed "The Ugly Green
   Book".  5. Any of the 1992 standards issued by the CCITT's tenth
   plenary assembly.  These include, among other things, the
   X.400 email standard and the Group 1 through 4 fax standards.  See
   also {{book titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:green bytes: n. (also `green words') 1. Meta-information
   embedded in a file, such as the length of the file or its name; as
   opposed to keeping such information in a separate description file
   or record.  The term comes from an IBM user's group meeting
   (ca. 1962) at which these two approaches were being debated and the
   diagram of the file on the blackboard had the `green bytes' drawn
   in green.  2. By extension, the non-data bits in any
   self-describing format.  "A GIF file contains, among other things,
   green bytes describing the packing method for the image." Compare
   {out-of-band}, {zigamorph}, {fence} (sense 1).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:green card: n. [after the "IBM System/360 Reference Data"
   card] A summary of an assembly language, even if the color is not
   green.  Less frequently used now because of the decrease in the use
   of assembly language.  "I'll go get my green card so I can check
   the addressing mode for that instruction."  Some green cards are
   actually booklets.

   The original green card became a yellow card when the System/370
   was introduced, and later a yellow booklet.  An anecdote from IBM
   refers to a scene that took place in a programmers' terminal room
   at Yorktown in 1978.  A luser overheard one of the programmers ask
   another "Do you have a green card?"  The other grunted and
   passed the first a thick yellow booklet.  At this point the luser
   turned a delicate shade of olive and rapidly left the room, never
   to return..
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Green Division:
 To know the difference between envy and jealousy.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Greenhouse, schmeenhouse -- I'm FREEZING!
%%
Green Lawn Chairs: Patty O'Furniture
%%
Green light in A.M. for new projects.  Red light in P.M. for
 traffic tickets.
%%
:green lightning: [IBM] n. 1. Apparently random flashing streaks on
   the face of 3278-9 terminals while a new symbol set is being
   downloaded.  This hardware bug was left deliberately unfixed, as
   some genius within IBM suggested it would let the user know that
   `something is happening'.  That, it certainly does.  Later
   microprocessor-driven IBM color graphics displays were actually
   *programmed* to produce green lightning!  2. [proposed] Any
   bug perverted into an alleged feature by adroit rationalization or
   marketing.  "Motorola calls the CISC cruft in the 88000
   architecture `compatibility logic', but I call it green
   lightning".  See also {feature} (sense 6).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:green machine: n. A computer or peripheral device that has been
   designed and built to military specifications for field equipment
   (that is, to withstand mechanical shock, extremes of temperature
   and humidity, and so forth).  Comes from the olive-drab `uniform'
   paint used for military equipment.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Green penguins are not red."
 -- Dr. Michael Morgan, Instrumentation Physics lecture
%%
Green potatoes and green potato chips are to be distinguished from brown
potato chips, which are another matter entirely.
%%
:Green's Theorem: [TMRC] prov. For any story, in any group of
   people there will be at least one person who has not heard the
   story.  A refinement of the theorem states that there will be
   *exactly* one person (if there were more than one, it wouldn't be
   as bad to re-tell the story).  [The name of this theorem is a play
   on a fundamental theorem in calculus. --- ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Greepers: people who walk up the down escalator to appear motionless.
%%
Greeting -    How the f%*k are you?
 -- The everyday versatility of the "F" word
%%
Greetings from a former fetus!
%%
Greetings from Ball Point, Penn.
%%
Greetings from beautiful downtown Workmans Corners.
%%
Greetings from Critical, Mass.
%%
Greetings from Deathand, Texas.
%%
Greetings from Either, Or.
%%
Greetings from Fount, Tenn.
%%
Greetings from Frito, La.
%%
Greetings from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.
%%
Greetings from Gas, Maine.
%%
Greetings from Hell....wish you were here.
%%
Greetings from Iam, Ok.
%%
Greetings from Iron, Ore.
%%
Greetings from Ithinki, Kan.
%%
Greetings from Marcuswelby, Md.
%%
Greetings from Near, Miss.
%%
Greetings from Noaz, Ark.
%%
Greetings from Pastramion, RI
%%
Greetings from Play, Tex.
%%
Greetings from Praise, Ala.
%%
Greetings from Sach, Mo.
%%
Greetings from Sprayin, Wash.
%%
Greetings from Sunny San Diego California USA!
%%
Greetings from the Land of Two Seasons - This Winter and Last Winter.
%%
Greetings from the many civilizations of Andromeda.
%%
Greetings from Trala, La.
%%
Greetings from Tur, Ky.
%%
Greetings from Vita, Minn.
%%
Greetings, from your honored and highly steamed Moderator...
%%
Greeting Sheep Strangers: Hugh R. Ewe
%%
Greetings Hooman! We now accept Visa, MC, and AMEX!
%%
Greetings, lowly citizen.  I seek your PEZ!
%%
 Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency.
 We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the
 tone, please hang up.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 Greetings.  You've reached Ghengis Kahn's Pornographic Films
 Unlimited.  Fabian, Pat, Rex and Mike are still conducting
 screen tests with potential leading ladies to star opposite the
 late John Holmes in our upcoming feature film, "It's Not the
 Size That Counts but Whether or Not You're Alive to Use It."  If
 you're interested in a screen test, or even if you're not,
 please leave us your name, age, phone number, measurements, cup
 size, a brief summary of your work experience, both off and on
 the screen, and a brief summary of your favorite fantasy
 involving four men, a pair of handcuffs, and a tub of Cool Whip.
 Thank you for calling.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
...Greg Nowak:   `Another flame from greg' - need I say more?
 -- Jonathan D. Trudel, trudel@caip.rutgers.edu

No.    You need to say less.
 -- Richard Sexton, richard@gryphon.COM
%%
 (Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:)  Hello, Brother
 or Sister.  You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and
 Jim.  We are at Vespers and therefore answering other calls, but
 if you will leave your name, number, and a brief message, we
 will consider breaking our vow of silence to return your call.
 Please speak loudly, clearly, and in tongues.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
"Gregor Wass, your presence intimidates me to the point of humiliation.
Would you care to strike me?"
 -- Saturday Night Live
%%
Gregory, remember thy swashing blow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
GREM: Generate Random Error Message
%%
Gremlins at work again..the computer won't work!
%%
Grendel! [You forgot your hat!]
 -- Doctor, Androids of Tara
%%
GREP    Global Ruin, Expiration and Purgation [UNIX]
%%
:grep: /grep/ [from the qed/ed editor idiom g/re/p , where
   re stands for a regular expression, to Globally search for the
   Regular Expression and Print the lines containing matches to it,
   via {{UNIX}} `grep(1)'] vt. To rapidly scan a file or set of
   files looking for a particular string or pattern (when browsing
   through a large set of files, one may speak of `grepping
   around').  By extension, to look for something by pattern.  "Grep
   the bulletin board for the system backup schedule, would you?"
   See also {vgrep}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Grep..grep..grep... (frog with an IRQ conflict)
%%
Grep..grep..grep... (Frog with UNIX stuck in its' throat)
%%
grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines.
%%
Greta Gump.........I vant to be a box of chocolates
%%
"Grey! Did I hear you say grey?"  "Light black.  From pole to pole."
%%
GR: Get Real
%%
Gridlock: football played between the 40-yardlines only!
%%
Gridlock to the max, Jack
%%
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must
 have somebody to divide it with.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Grief fills the room up of my absent child,
Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,
Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,
Remembers me of all his gracious parts,
Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
"Grief has limits, whereas apprehension has none.  For we grieve only for
what has happened, but we fear all that possibly may happen."
 -- Pliny the Younger
%%
Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and
common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys.
 -- Lamartine
%%
Grief tears his heart, and drives him to and fro
In all the raging impotence of woe.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 526
%%
Grieving, if aught inanimate e'er grieves,
Over the unreturning brave.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 27
%%
Grignard:  A fictitious class of compounds often found on organic
   exams and never in real life.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
:grilf: // n.  Girl-friend.  Like {newsfroup} and {filk}, a
   typo incarnated as a new word.  Seems to have originated sometime
   in 1992.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Grim death.
 -- Philip Massinger (1584-1640)
 -- The Roman Actor, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
:grind crank: n. A mythical accessory to a terminal.  A crank on the
   side of a monitor, which when operated makes a zizzing noise and
   causes the computer to run faster.  Usually one does not refer to a
   grind crank out loud, but merely makes the appropriate gesture and
   noise.  See {grind} and {wugga wugga}.

   Historical note: At least one real machine actually had a grind
   crank --- the R1, a research machine built toward the end of the
   days of the great vacuum tube computers, in 1959.  R1 (also known
   as `The Rice Institute Computer' (TRIC) and later as `The Rice
   University Computer' (TRUC)) had a single-step/free-run switch for
   use when debugging programs.  Since single-stepping through a large
   program was rather tedious, there was also a crank with a cam and
   gear arrangement that repeatedly pushed the single-step button.
   This allowed one to `crank' through a lot of code, then slow
   down to single-step for a bit when you got near the code of
   interest, poke at some registers using the console typewriter, and
   then keep on cranking.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Grind the faces of the poor.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah iii, 15
%%
:grind: vt. 1. [MIT and Berkeley] To prettify hardcopy of code,
   especially LISP code, by reindenting lines, printing keywords and
   comments in distinct fonts (if available), etc.  This usage was
   associated with the MacLISP community and is now rare;
   {prettyprint} was and is the generic term for such
   operations.  2. [UNIX] To generate the formatted version of a
   document from the {{nroff}}, {{troff}}, {{TeX}}, or Scribe
   source.  3. To run seemingly interminably, esp. (but not
   necessarily) if performing some tedious and inherently useless
   task.  Similar to {crunch} or {grovel}.  Grinding has a
   connotation of using a lot of CPU time, but it is possible to grind
   a disk, network, etc.  See also {hog}.  4. To make the whole
   system slow.  "Troff really grinds a PDP-11."  5. `grind grind'
   excl. Roughly, "Isn't the machine slow today!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%

  <<<<<GRIN>>>>>
 -- Evil Grin #13
%%
Grinin' Like A Mule Eatin' Briars
%%
:gripenet: [IBM] n. A wry (and thoroughly unofficial) name for IBM's
   internal VNET system, deriving from its common use by IBMers to
   voice pointed criticism of IBM management that would be taboo in
   more formal channels.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Grippe:  Suit case...
%%
Griswold v. Connecticut first established and guaranteed the `right of
 privacy' in the conjugal act.   Sexual love, however, in a most profound
 way is anything but `private.'  Its very purpose is to break the bonds
 of privacy by physical consummation of an unreserved gift of self.  The
 contraceptive, however, denies the meaning of marital love by falsifying
 its bodily expression.  Love is no longer unreserved; something is held
 back.  `I cannot love all of you,' the contraceptive says, `because I
 cannot love all that might be created by you.'
 -- Edmund Miller, Anti-Abortion Commentator, Fidelity magazine, 10/89,
    as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned
     Parenthood pamphlet
%%
:gritch: /grich/ 1. n. A complaint (often caused by a {glitch}).
   2. vi. To complain.  Often verb-doubled: "Gritch gritch".  3. A
   synonym for {glitch} (as verb or noun).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Grits: Cream of Wheat with an attitude...
%%
Grits: food or mortar mix, only you can decide...
%%
Gritty Kitty Litter -- stays crunchy, even in milk!
%%
Grit your teeth.  This is a serious tagline.
%%
GRMC: Generate Rubber Machine Check
%%
Grocery bagger to customer: "Do you want to destroy a tree by using a paper bag
or endanger the environment with plastic?"
%%
:grok: /grok/, var. /grohk/ [from the novel "Stranger in
   a Strange Land", by Robert A. Heinlein, where it is a Martian word
   meaning literally `to drink' and metaphorically `to be one
   with'] vt. 1. To understand, usually in a global sense.  Connotes
   intimate and exhaustive knowledge.  Contrast {zen}, which is similar
   supernal understanding experienced as a single brief flash.  See also
   {glark}.  2. Used of programs, may connote merely sufficient
   understanding.  "Almost all C compilers grok the `void' type
   these days."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:gronked: adj. 1. Broken.  "The teletype scanner was gronked, so
   we took the system down."  2. Of people, the condition of feeling
   very tired or (less commonly) sick.  "I've been chasing that bug
   for 17 hours now and I am thoroughly gronked!"  Compare
   {broken}, which means about the same as {gronk} used of
   hardware, but connotes depression or mental/emotional problems in
   people.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:gronk: /gronk/ [popularized by Johnny Hart's comic strip
   "B.C." but the word apparently predates that] vt. 1. To
   clear the state of a wedged device and restart it.  More severe
   than `to {frob}' (sense 2).  2. [TMRC] To cut, sever, smash,
   or similarly disable.  3. The sound made by many 3.5-inch diskette
   drives.  In particular, the microfloppies on a Commodore Amiga go
   "grink, gronk".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:gronk out: vi. To cease functioning.  Of people, to go home and go
   to sleep.  "I guess I'll gronk out now; see you all tomorrow."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Groovy...
%%
Gross anatomy--it isn't just for breakfast anymore.
%%
Gross denial: when Larry King says he's not liberal 144 times.
%%
Gross exaggeration is at least 144 times as bad as ordinary exaggeration.
%%
Gross incompetence: 144 people in Clinton's Cabinet.
%%
Gross: Living in the basement of an outhouse!
%%
Gross National Product:  A Big Mac.
%%
Gross Negligence: those eligable but do not vote.
%%
Groucho Borg:  "That's the silliest thing I ever assimilated..."
%%
Ground not upon dreams; you know they are ever contrary.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Family of Love, Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Ground Round of Hound
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Ground Under Repair - Within six weeks of a new baby.
%%
Ground water? Do you mean crushed ice?
%%
Ground yourself, THEN hug your motherboard!
%%
Group Photo.
%%
Groups with guitars are on the way out-record company A & R person turning
down the Beatles.
%%
:grovel: vi. 1. To work interminably and without apparent progress.
   Often used transitively with `over' or `through'.  "The file
   scavenger has been groveling through the /usr directories for 10
   minutes now."  Compare {grind} and {crunch}.  Emphatic form:
   `grovel obscenely'.  2. To examine minutely or in complete detail.
   "The compiler grovels over the entire source program before
   beginning to translate it."  "I grovelled through all the
   documentation, but I still couldn't find the command I wanted."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Growing old is mandatory, however, growing up is optional!
%%
Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to
 form.
 -- Andre Maurois
%%
Growing pains are nothing, really. Ask someone who is on a diet. Shrinking
 pains are far worse.
%%
Growing up is after all only the understanding that one's unique incredible
experience is what everyone shares.
 -- Doris Lessing
%%
Growing up, I was a little guy. My father enrolled me in a local martial
 arts academy. So once a week I got beat up in a more formal setting.
 -- Jonathan Katz
%%
Growing up requires that we break the apron strings and get on with the
 business of life. Easily said, but the business of life requires that we
 hang on to the financial strings as long as possible.
%%
GROWL the SNORT GRUMBLE possessed GRRRRRR bbs ROOAARRR!
%%
Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome
 for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
 -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, _The Little Prince_
%%
Grow old along with me!
the best is yet to be,
the last of life for which the first was made.
 -- Robert Browning
%%
Grow or die.
%%
Grow up,be a man and shut your mealy mouth
 Dial-a-Cliche
 -- Morrisey
%%
Grow up?!?  Mark Livingston never finished his _first_ childhood. :-)
%%
Grow up? Naw, I'm gonna be a Sysop.
%%
grow up to be shiftless bastard.
%%
Grow your own BBSers - Fertilize a SysOpTrix!
%%
Grow your own dope. Plant a FUNDIE!!!
%%
Grow your own dope. Plant a liberal.
%%
Grow your own dope. Plant a man.
%%
Grow your own dope. Plant a politician!
%%
Grrr! It is 'WORF,' Bob, *NOT* 'WOOF'...
%%
Grub first, then ethics.
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
Grumplicious Grumplicious Grumplicious!!!
%%
:grunge: /gruhnj/ n. 1. That which is grungy, or that which makes
   it so.  2. [Cambridge] Code which is inaccessible due to changes in
   other parts of the program.  The preferred term in North America is
   {dead code}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GSB: Gulp and Store Bytes
%%
GS      Get Strange [randomly inverts bits being fed to inst. decoder]
%%
GSI: Garble Subsequent Instruction
%%
GSI: Generate Spurious Interrupts
%%
GST - Go South Turkey! Shop in the States!
%%
GST- Government Screwing Taxpayers
%%
GST = Government Stupidty Tax. [Gen Service Tax]
%%
G-String : The final chord waiting to be plucked.
%%
GSU: Geometric Shift Up
%%
GTIFCIWHTKSO: Good Thing It's Friday Cuz I Would Have To Kill Someone Otherwise
%%
G.T.i.: Got Tossers Inside
%%
GTJ     Go To Jail (do not pass 00000, do not set flags)
%%
Guacamole: Spanish word meaning "taco caulking."
%%
Guarantee: a legal vehicle which expires on the same day
as your mechanical one.
%%
GUARD #1:  What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR:    It could grip it by the husk!
GUARD #1:  It's not a question of where he grips it!  It's a simple question
           of weight ratios!  A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound
           coconut.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
GUARD #1:  What, ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR:    Yes!
GUARD #1:  You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR:    What?
GUARD #1:  You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em
           together.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
GUARD #1:  Where'd you get the coconut?
ARTHUR:    We found them.
GUARD #1:  Found them?  In Mercea?  The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR:    What do you mean?
GUARD #1:  Well, this is a temperate zone.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
GUARD #2:  It could be carried by an African swallow!
GUARD #1:  Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow,
           that's my point.
GUARD #2:  Oh, yeah, I agree with that...
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
GUARD #2:  Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?
GUARD #1:  No, they'd have to have it on a line.
GUARD #2:  Well, simple!  They'd just use a standard creeper!
GUARD #1:  What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
GUARD #2:  Well, why not?
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Guard: "How's she doing?"
Kirk: "He's going to be fine."
Guard: "He?  I thought you brought in a woman."
Kirk: "One little mistake."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Guarding the Door: Sergeant Atarms
%%
"Guards, beat this man brutally for daring to try to confuse me!"
 -- Floyd Farland
%%
Guard the Mysteries--constantly reveal them
%%
"Guard with jealous attention the public liberty.  Suspect everyone who
approaches that jewel.  Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but
downright force.  Whenever you give up that force, you are inevitably
ruined."
 -- Patrick Henry 3 Elliot at 45, Debates In The Virginia Convention
%%
:gubbish: /guhb'*sh/ [a portmanteau of `garbage' and
   `rubbish'; may have originated with SF author Philip K. Dick]
   n. Garbage; crap; nonsense.  "What is all this gubbish?"  The
   opposite portmanteau `rubbage' is also reported.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gude nicht, and joy be wi' you a'.
 -- Lady Nairne (1766-1845)
 -- Gude Nicht, etc
%%
"Gud, marry me, or I'll kick yer ass."
 -- Honkeytonk Sue
%%
Guess again.
 -- The Running Man, movie
%%
Guess if you can, and choose, if you dare.
 -- Pierre Corneille
%%
Guess I'll have to try a stronger magnet.
%%
Guess I will have to turn on my 'Ira Filter'
%%
Guess what I made for dinner?  Reservations!
%%
Guess who taught him to use a computer...?
%%
GUEST:        He's killed the best man!
SECOND GUEST: (holding a limp WOMAN) He's killed my auntie.
FATHER:       No, please!  This is supposed to be a happy occasion!  Let's
              not bicker and argue about who killed who ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Guest hosting for Arsenio Hall tonight is you.
%%
Guest hosting for David Letterman tonight is you.
%%
Guest hosting for Jay Leno tonight is you.
%%
Guest hosting for Rush Limbaugh tonight is Eric Biesterfeld.
%%
Guest, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Guests who kill their talk show hosts.  On the last Donahue.
%%
Guest: There is a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Surely not, we save those for the hamburgers!
%%
Guidance: See under Advice.
Advice: See under Guidance.
%%
Guide To Mixology: Bart Ender
%%
Guide to understanding a net.addict's day:
   Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
   Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
   Bad  day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet.
 -- jenk@microsoft.com (Jen Kilmer)
%%
GUI? Don't step in it!
%%
GUI: Grab the User In-the-face
%%
GUI: Gross, Undesired Interface
%%
Guillotine: A machine which makes the Frenchman shrug his shoulders with
 good reason.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
GUILLOTINE, n.  A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders
with good reason.
    In his great work on _Divergent Lines of Racial Evolution_, the
learned Professor Brayfugle argues from the prevalence of this gesture
 -- the shrug -- among Frenchmen, that they are descended from turtles
and it is simply a survival of the habit of retracing the head inside
the shell.  It is with reluctance that I differ with so eminent an
authority, but in my judgment (as more elaborately set forth and
enforced in my work entitled _Hereditary Emotions_ -- lib. II, c. XI)
the shrug is a poor foundation upon which to build so important a
theory, for previously to the Revolution the gesture was unknown.  I
have not a doubt that it is directly referable to the terror inspired
by the guillotine during the period of that instrument's activity.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Guillotine operators receive severance pay.
%%
Guillotine operator wanted.  Chance to get ahead.
%%
Guillotining him would make only an aesthetic difference.
%%
Guilt as charged, your on-her!
%%
Guilt trips:  The nuclear weapon of relationships...
%%
:guiltware: /gilt'weir/ n. 1. A piece of {freeware} decorated
   with a message telling one how long and hard the author worked on
   it and intimating that one is a no-good freeloader if one does not
   immediately send the poor suffering martyr gobs of money.
   2. {Shareware} that works.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Guilty consciences always make people cowards.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Prince and his Minister, Chap. iii, Fable iii
%%
Guinan Burger: Comes with extra-large top bun.
%%
Guinan: "Did he ever tell you why we're so close?"
Riker: "No."
Guinan: "Oh.  Then let me just say that...our relationship...is beyond
  friendship, beyond family.  And I *will* let him go.  And you must do the
  same."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Guinan: "I enjoy that, and you'd better get used to it."
Q: "What?!"
Guinan: "Begging!  You're a pitiful excuse for a human.  The only way you're
  going to survive is on the charity of others."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
"Guinan, make me a Pangalactic Gargleblaster."
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Guinan: "May I speak to you, Captain?"
Riker: "Actually, Guinan, I--"
Guinan: "You know, Picard and I used to talk every now and then when one of us
  needed to.  I guess I'm just used to having the captain's ear."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Guinan: "Must be terribly frightening for you to be totally defenseless after
  all of those centuries of being omnipotent!"
Q: "I'm warning you, I still have friends in high places."
Guinan: "Frightening one race after the other, teasing them like frightened
  animals, and you enjoying every moment of your victims' fears."
Q: "From now on, I'll do missionary work, okay?"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Guinan: "Now, tell me more about...my eyes?"
 -- "The Dauphin", Stardate unknown
%%
Guinan: "Shut up kid."
 -- "The Dauphin", Stardate unknown
%%
Guinan's secret power:  her hat is a solar panel.
%%
Guinan: "That was Setting Number One.  Anyone want to see Setting Number Two?"
 -- "Night Terrors", Stardate unknown
%%
Guinan: "There can only be *one* captain."
Riker: "It's not that simple.  This was his crew, he wrote the book on this
  ship!"
Guinan: "If the Borg know everything he knows, it's time to throw that book
  away.  You must let him go, Riker.  It's the only way to beat him...the only
  way to save him.  And *that*, is now your chair, Captain."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Guinan: "When a man is convinced he's going to die tomorrow, he'll
probably find  a way to make it happen.  The only one who can turn
this around is you." Riker: "I'll do the best I can." Guinan: "You're
going to have to do something you don't want to do.  You have to 
let go of Picard."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Guinan: "You could learn a lot from this one."
Q: "Sure, the robot who teaches the course in humanities."
Data: "I am an android, not a robot."
Q: "I beg your pardon."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
"GUIs normally make it simple to accomplish simple actions and impossible
to accomplish complex actions."
 -- Doug Gwyn (22/Jun/91 in comp.unix.wizards)
%%
GUI's, We have to use those extra Mhz's somehow!
%%
GUITARISTS strum it with their pick
%%
GUITAR PLAYERS do it with a G-string
%%
Guitar players had their licks.
%%
Guitar players have their pick.
%%
Gulf War Lite: High in accomplishments, with 2/3 fewer casualities than our
 regular war!
%%
Gullibility is the key to all adventures. The greenhorn is the ultimate
 victor in everything; it is he that gets the most out of life.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
Gully Foyle is my name
and Terra is my nation.
Deep space is my dwelling place,
the stars my destination.
 -- Alfred Bester's "The Stars My Destination"
%%
Gumbo, crawfish, Cajuns and Barq's...Heaven on earth!
%%
Gumbo - Nature's perfect food.
%%
:gumby: /guhm'bee/ [from a class of Monty Python characters,
   poss. with some influence from the 1960s claymation character] n.
   An act of minor but conspicuous stupidity, often in `gumby
   maneuver' or `pull a gumby'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gumby + Rambo = Gumbo!
%%
Gun bans work! Just look how safe New York City is!
%%
:gunch: /guhnch/ [TMRC] vt. To push, prod, or poke at a device
   that has almost (but not quite) produced the desired result.
   Implies a threat to {mung}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gun collection programs are a good way to get rid of a murder weapon.
%%
Gun Control: A criminal's best friend.
%%
Gun Control: All criminals support it!!!
%%
Gun Control: Breathe, Relax, Aim, Sight, and Squeeze
%%
Gun Control = Breathing, sight alignment, trigger control
%%
Gun control:   Hitting what you aim at.
 -- Author Unknown
%%
Gun control is a firm grip on a .44 magnum
%%
Gun control is a great idea--for governments FIRST
%%
Gun control is a steady, two-handed grip...
%%
Gun control is a tight pattern:   ((::))
%%
Gun control is being able to hit your target!
%%
Gun control is not about guns. It is about control.
%%
Gun Control = Job Safety For The Criminal.
%%
Gun control: keep the muzzle pointed at the target.
%%
Gun control makes everyone criminals.
%%
Gun Control means holding it in both hands.
%%
Gun Control means using 2 hands.
%%
Gun Control - the belief that government, with its great wisdom and
moral superiority, can be trusted with a monopoly on deadly force.
%%
Gung ho....
 -- Avon
%%
:gun: [ITS: from the `:GUN' command] vt. To forcibly
   terminate a program or job (computer, not career).  "Some idiot
   left a background process running soaking up half the cycles, so I
   gunned it."  Compare {can}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gun Owners are Citizens. All Others are Subjects.
%%
Gunpowder and alcohol DO mix - but it tastes awful.
%%
"Gun rights are a feminist issue."
 -- J. Ryerson
%%
"Guns are generally pretty robust, their only enemies are rust and
 politicians."
 -- Jeff Cooper
%%
Guns cause crime like seat belts cause accidents.
%%
Guns cause crime like wet streets cause rain.
%%
Guns don't kill people... bullets do.
%%
Guns don't kill people... death does.
%%
Guns don't kill people... fast-moving projectiles do.
%%
Guns don't kill people. Mailreaders kill people!
%%
Guns don't kill people, off-line readers do.
%%
Guns don't kill people, OS/2 salesmen do...
%%
Guns don't kill people; people kill people.
Now apply to smoking:
Cigarettes don't cause lung cancer; lungs do.
%%
Guns don't kill people, postal workers kill people.
%%
Gunslingers with Gas: Wyatt Urp
%%
Guns will make us powerful; butter will only make us fat.
 -- Hermann Goering (1893-1946)
%%
Gun the man down, I say gun the man down...
%%
Guppies dancing among brightly colored power tools, their ears ablaze.
%%
:gurfle: /ger'fl/ interj. An expression of shocked disbelief.  "He
   said we have to recode this thing in FORTRAN by next week.
   Gurfle!"  Compare {weeble}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gurmlish, n.:
 The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which
prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his
mouth.
 -- Rich Hall & Friends, Sniglets
%%
:guru meditation: n. Amiga equivalent of `panic' in UNIX
   (sometimes just called a `guru' or `guru event').  When the
   system crashes, a cryptic message of the form "GURU MEDITATION
   #XXXXXXXX.YYYYYYYY" may appear, indicating what the problem
   was.  An Amiga guru can figure things out from the numbers.
   Generally a {guru} event must be followed by a {Vulcan nerve
   pinch}.

   This term is (no surprise) an in-joke from the earliest days of the
   Amiga.  There used to be a device called a `Joyboard' which was
   basically a plastic board built onto a joystick-like device; it
   was sold with a skiing game cartridge for the Atari game machine.
   It is said that whenever the prototype OS crashed, the system
   programmer responsible would calm down by concentrating on a
   solution while sitting cross-legged on a Joyboard trying to keep
   the board in balance.  This position resembled that of a
   meditating guru.  Sadly, the joke was removed in AmigaOS 2.04.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:guru: n. [UNIX] An expert.  Implies not only {wizard} skill but
   also a history of being a knowledge resource for others.  Less
   often, used (with a qualifier) for other experts on other systems,
   as in `VMS guru'.  See {source of all good bits}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
GURU: One who knows more jargon than you.
%%
Guru to Deli man: Make me one with everything.
%%
Gutenberg made everybody a reader. Xerox makes everybody a publisher.
 -- Marshall McLuhan, Canadian author
%%
Guten TAG.
%%
Guts: Putting "Moderator" in your twit filter.....
%%
Guts: putting the name "SYSOP" in your twit filter.
%%
Gutta cavat lapidem non vi, sed saepe cadendo.
[Drops of water hollow out a stone - not by strength, but just falling often.]
%%
guvf yvar vf rapekcgrq sbe ab ernfba.
%%
Guy Fawkes was the sanest man who ever went into the Houses of Parliament -
and look what happened to him.
%%
Guy Fawkes where are you now that we need you?
%%
Guy: "I am the greatest swordsman in all of Nottingham!"
Picard: "There's something you should know."
Guy: "And what might that be?"
Picard: "I'm not from Nottingham!"
 -- "Qpid", Stardate unknown
%%
Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a
 cat one time, they're gone.
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's
 like having a little pet for your face.
 -- Anita Wise
%%
Guys, let's   be friendly!!!
%%
Guys should never view x-rated gifs when using a laptop.
%%
Guys will actually judge women based on the way they're built ... A lot of
 guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I
 don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the
 larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become.
 -- Anita Wise
%%
:gweep: /gweep/ [WPI] 1. v. To {hack}, usually at night.  At
   WPI, from 1977 onwards, one who gweeped coud often be found at the
   College Computing Center punching cards or crashing the {PDP-10}
   or, later, the DEC-20.  The term has survived the demise of those
   technologies, however, and is still alive in late 1991.  "I'm
   going to go gweep for a while.  See you in the morning." "I gweep
   from 8 PM till 3 AM during the week."  2. n. One who habitually
   gweeps in sense 1; a {hacker}.  "He's a hard-core gweep,
   mumbles code in his sleep."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Gwon, Geoverer.
 -- D-Roc as Scorpion
%%
Gymnasts do it with grace.
%%
GYMNASTS mount and dismount the best.
%%
Gymnists mount and dismount well.
%%
Gyneacologists mostly sniff, watch and finger.
%%
Gynecentrically-challenged and proud of it!
%%
Gyros are loose.
%%
Gy-ro-scope: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and
 also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to each
 other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two
 mutually perpendicular axes results from application of torque to the
 other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus
 offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any
 torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin.
 -- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary
%%
h=6.626196 E-34 joule sec--it's the law.
%%
Ha! and you thought you had heard them all!
%%
HABEAS CORPUS.  A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when
confined for the wrong crime.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hab-Haters of Canada. I'm not only a client, I'm also the President.
%%
Habit gives endurance, and fatigue is the best nightcap.
 -- Kincaid
%%
Habit is a cable;
we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it.
 -- Horace Mann
%%
Habit is a second nature.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. x
%%
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man,
but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Habit is the easiest way to be wrong again.
%%
Habit is the nursery of errors.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
Habit, n.  A shackle for the free.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"Habits are first cobwebs, then cables."
 -- Spanish proverb
%%
Habits may be good or they may be bad. At first, they are like cobwebs.
 Later, they become cables. A snake may change his skin. A fox may change
 his fur color. But neither the fox or the snake can change their habits.
 And often enough, neither can a human being!
%%
Habit with him was all the test of truth; "It must be right: I've
done it from my youth."
 -- George Crabbe
%%
Hab-Lovers of the USA. I'm not only a fan, I'm the President.
%%
"Ha, but my life is but a box of wormgears."
 -- Marvin, the Paranoid Android
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
HACF: Halt And Catch Fire
%%
HAC: Hold All Calls
%%
:hack attack: [poss. by analogy with `Big Mac Attack' from ads
   for the McDonald's fast-food chain; the variant `big hack attack'
   is reported] n. Nearly synonymous with {hacking run}, though the
   latter more strongly implies an all-nighter.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hacked off: [analogous to `pissed off'] adj. Said of system
   administrators who have become annoyed, upset, or touchy owing to
   suspicions that their sites have been or are going to be victimized
   by crackers, or used for inappropriate, technically illegal, or
   even overtly criminal activities.  For example, having unreadable
   files in your home directory called `worm', `lockpick', or `goroot'
   would probably be an effective (as well as impressively obvious and
   stupid) way to get your sysadmin hacked off at you.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hacked up: adj. Sufficiently patched, kluged, and tweaked that the
   surgical scars are beginning to crowd out normal tissue (compare
   {critical mass}).  Not all programs that are hacked become
   `hacked up'; if modifications are done with some eye to coherence
   and continued maintainability, the software may emerge better for
   the experience.  Contrast {hack up}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hacked versions of Turbo Antivirus 9.00b, & 9.01a
%%
Hacker != Cracker
%%
Hacker: Exceptional programmer. Webster's 9th., 1991
%%
Hacker, oh Hacker,
Where goest thy code?
Far, far away,
Flushed down the commode!
 -- Favre
%%
Hackers appreciate virtual dresses.
%%
Hackers:
 A programmer who grew up tapping out Morse Code on a ham radio, and
 has never forgiven IBM for not putting a front switch panel on the
 original PC.
%%
Hackers are I/O experts.
%%
Hackers avoid deadly embrace.
%%
Hackers discover the powers of two.
%%
Hackers do it absolutely.
%%
Hackers do it a little bit.
%%
Hackers do it all night.
%%
Hackers do it at link time.
%%
Hackers do it attached.
%%
Hackers do it automatically.
%%
Hackers do it bottom-up.
%%
Hackers do it bug-free.
%%
Hackers do it by the numbers.
%%
Hackers do it concurrently.
%%
Hackers do it conditionally.
%%
Hackers do it detached.
%%
Hackers do it digitally.
%%
Hackers do it discreetly.
%%
Hackers do it during downtime.
%%
Hackers do it during PM.  [Preventive Maintenance]
%%
Hackers do it efficiently.
%%
Hackers do it faster.
%%
HACKERS do it forever even when they're not supposed to.
%%
Hackers do it graphically.
%%
Hackers do it immediately.
%%
Hackers do it in a HRRI.
%%
Hackers do it in batches.
%%
Hackers do it indirectly.
%%
Hackers do it in dumps.
%%
Hackers do it in less space.
%%
Hackers do it in libraries.
%%
Hackers do it in loops.
%%
Hackers do it in O(n log n).
%%
Hackers do it in parallel.
%%
Hackers do it in SEXTRAN.
%%
Hackers do it in stacks.
%%
Hackers do it interactively.
%%
Hackers do it in the microcode.
%%
Hackers do it in the software.
%%
Hackers do it in trees.
%%
Hackers do it in two states.
%%
Hackers do it iteratively.
%%
Hackers do it loaded.
%%
Hackers do it locally (or globally).
%%
Hackers do it randomly.
%%
Hackers do it recursively.
%%
Hackers do it reentrantly.
%%
Hackers do it relocatably.
%%
Hackers do it sequentially.
%%
Hackers do it synchronously.
%%
Hackers do it top down.
%%
Hackers do it with all sorts of characters.
%%
Hackers do it with bugs.
%%
Hackers do it with computers.
%%
Hackers do it with daemons.
%%
Hackers do it with DDT.
%%
Hackers do it with editors.
%%
Hackers do it with fewer instructions.
%%
Hackers do it with high priority.
%%
Hackers do it with insertion sorts.
%%
Hackers do it with interrupts.
%%
Hackers do it with key strokes.
%%
Hackers do it with open windows.
%%
Hackers do it without a net.
%%
Hackers do it without arguments.
%%
Hackers do it without detaching.
%%
Hackers do it without proof of termination.
%%
Hackers do it without protection.
%%
Hackers do it without you even knowing it.
%%
Hackers do it with phantoms.
%%
Hackers do it with quick sorts.
%%
Hackers do it with recursive descent.
%%
Hackers do it with side effects.
%%
Hackers do it with simultaneous access.
%%
Hackers do it with slaves.
%%
Hackers do it with their fingers.
%%
Hackers do it with words.
%%
Hackers don't do it -- they're hacking all the time.
%%
Hackers get off on tight loops.
%%
Hackers get overlaid.
%%
Hackers have better software tools.
%%
Hackers have faster access routines.
%%
Hackers have good hardware.
%%
Hackers have high bawd rates.
%%
Hackers have high bod rates.
%%
Hackers have it where it counts.
%%
Hackers have kernel knowledge.
%%
Hackers know all the right MOVs.
%%
Hackers know what to diddle.
%%
Hackers make it quick.
%%
Hackers multiply with stars.
%%
Hackers of the world, unite!
%%
Hackers should be judged by their hacking,
not bogus criteria suc as degrees, age, race, or position.
 -- Steven Levy
%%
Hackers stay logged in longer.
%%
Hackers stay up longer.
%%
:Hackers:
Steven Levy
Anchor/Doubleday 1984
ISBN 0-385-19195-2

Levy's book is at its best in describing the early MIT hackers at the
Model Railroad Club and the early days of the microcomputer revolution.
He never understood UNIX or the networks, though, and his enshrinement
of Richard Stallman as "the last true hacker" turns out (thankfully) to
have been quite misleading.  Numerous minor factual errors also mar the
text; for example, Levy's claim that the original Jargon File derived
from the TMRC Dictionary (the File originated at Stanford and was
brought to MIT in 1976; the co-authors of the first edition had never
seen the dictionary in question).  There are also numerous misspellings
in the book that inflame the passions of old-timers; as Dan Murphy, the
author of TECO, once said: "You would have thought he'd take the trouble
to spell the name of a winning editor right."  Nevertheless, this
remains a useful and stimulating book that captures the feel of several
important hackish subcultures.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hackers take big bytes.
%%
Hack first, ask questions later.
%%
Hack?  I like to call it appropriate.....
%%
Hackindeeminor: contagious coughing between movements of a symphony.
%%
Hacking? I don't have furballs, do I?
%%
Hacking is a conversational black hole
%%
:hacking run: [analogy with `bombing run' or `speed run'] n. A
   hack session extended long outside normal working times, especially
   one longer than 12 hours.  May cause you to `change phase the hard
   way' (see {phase}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
%%
:Hacking X for Y: [ITS] n. Ritual phrasing of part of the
   information which ITS made publicly available about each user.
   This information (the INQUIR record) was a sort of form in which
   the user could fill out various fields.  On display, two of these
   fields were always combined into a project description of the form
   "Hacking X for Y" (e.g., `"Hacking perceptrons for
   Minsky"').  This form of description became traditional and has
   since been carried over to other systems with more general
   facilities for self-advertisement (such as UNIX {plan
   file}s).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Hackintosh: n. 1. An Apple Lisa that has been hacked into emulating a
   Macintosh (also called a `Mac XL').  2. A Macintosh assembled
   from parts theoretically belonging to different models in the line.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hackish: /hak'ish/ adj. (also {hackishness} n.) 1. Said of
   something that is or involves a hack.  2. Of or pertaining to
   hackers or the hacker subculture.  See also {true-hacker}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hackishness: n. The quality of being or involving a hack.  This
   term is considered mildly silly.  Syn. {hackitude}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hackito ergo sum.
%%
:hackitude: n. Syn. {hackishness}; this word is considered sillier.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hacko ergo sum.
%%
:hack on: vt. To {hack}; implies that the subject is some
   pre-existing hunk of code that one is evolving, as opposed to
   something one might {hack up}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hack together: vt. To throw something together so it will work.
   Unlike `kluge together' or {cruft together}, this does not
   necessarily have negative connotations.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hack up: vt. To {hack}, but generally implies that the result is
   a hack in sense 1 (a quick hack).  Contrast this with {hack on}.
   To `hack up on' implies a {quick-and-dirty} modification to an
   existing system.  Contrast {hacked up}; compare {kluge up},
   {monkey up}, {cruft together}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hack value: n. Often adduced as the reason or motivation for
   expending effort toward a seemingly useless goal, the point being
   that the accomplished goal is a hack.  For example, MacLISP had
   features for reading and printing Roman numerals, which were
   installed purely for hack value.  See {display hack} for one
   method of computing hack value, but this cannot really be
   explained, only experienced.  As Louis Armstrong once said when
   asked to explain jazz: "Man, if you gotta ask you'll never know."
   (Feminists please note Fats Waller's explanation of rhythm: "Lady,
   if you got to ask you ain't got it.")
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Had all his hairs been lives, my great revenge
Had stomach for them all.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
HADES, n.  The lower world; the residence of departed spirits; the
place where the dead live.
    Among the ancients the idea of Hades was not synonymous with our
Hell, many of the most respectable men of antiquity residing there in
a very comfortable kind of way.  Indeed, the Elysian Fields themselves
were a part of Hades, though they have since been removed to Paris.
When the Jacobean version of the New Testament was in process of
evolution the pious and learned men engaged in the work insisted by a
majority vote on translating the Greek word "Aides" as "Hell"; but a
conscientious minority member secretly possessed himself of the record
and struck out the objectional word wherever he could find it.  At the
next meeting, the Bishop of Salisbury, looking over the work, suddenly
sprang to his feet and said with considerable excitement:  "Gentlemen,
somebody has been razing 'Hell' here!"  Years afterward the good
prelate's death was made sweet by the reflection that he had been the
means (under Providence) of making an important, serviceable and
immortal addition to the phraseology of the English tongue.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Had I a dozen sons, each in my love alike and none less dear than
thine and my good Marcius, I had rather eleven die nobly for their
country than one voluptuously surfeit out of action.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Had I a heart for falsehood framed,
  I ne'er could injure you.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Duenna, Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some useful
hints for the better ordering of the universe.
 -- Alphonso the Wise (1221-1284)
%%
Had I but served my God with half the zeal
I served my king, he would not in mine age
Have left me naked to mine enemies.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Had I imagined 'Calvin and Hobbes' would last this long, I would have paced
myself. The strip requires a great deal of research and I need to do more
interplanetary exploration and paleontology work before I can continue.
 -- Bill Watterson
%%
Had in him those brave translunary things
That the first poets had. (Said of Marlowe.)
 -- Michael Drayton (1563-1631)
 -- To Henry Reynolds, of Poets and Poesy
%%
Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams
I have spread my dreams under your feet
Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams
 -- Yeats
%%
Had sigh'd to many, though he loved but one.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, stanza 5
%%
Had this been an actual emergency, your spleen would have melted.
%%
Had this tagline been a storm, you'd be wet!!
%%
Had we never loved sae kindly,
Had we never loved sae blindly,
Never met or never parted,
We had ne'er been broken-hearted!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Ae Fond Kiss
%%
HAGGIS
  A Scottish dish made of the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep,
  chopped up with suet, onions, oatmeal etc, seasoned and boiled in a
  sheep's stomach-bag or substitute. I think I'm going to be sick.
      Have you ever considered the argument that vomit is a lifeform
  in itself, subject to the same foibles as the rest of lifekind?
  Pretty stupid idea, huh? Well, I thought so too, until I was
  convinced by a most holy and devout man, shouting very loudly in
  the street one day. He told me that vomit was food that was reborn.
  He gave me a leaflet about it, and - do you know - it changed my
  life. Suddenly, I could look at vomit the way I had never looked at
  vomit before. It became part of me. I could talk to it, express
  myself to it, and before long, take it for picnics in the forest.
  And the vomit would talk back. It would read me poems. It would
  sing songs about regurgitation. And it would tell me jokes. Very
  bad jokes. It would tell me jokes with incredibly bad punch lines.
  And I eventually came to a conclusion. That vomit is sick.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Haggis:
 Haggis is a kind of stuff black pudding eaten by the Scots and
 considered by them to be not only a delicacy but fit for human
 consumption. The minced heart, liver and lungs of a sheep, calf
 or other animal's inner organs are mixed with oatmeal, sealed
 and boiled in maw in the sheep's intestinal stomach-bag and...
 [Excuse me a minute. Ed.]
%%
HAG, n.  An elderly lady whom you do not happen to like; sometimes
called, also, a hen, or cat.  Old witches, sorceresses, etc., were
called hags from the belief that their heads were surrounded by a kind
of baleful lumination or nimbus -- hag being the popular name of that
peculiar electrical light sometimes observed in the hair.  At one time
hag was not a word of reproach:  Drayton speaks of a "beautiful hag,
all smiles," much as Shakespeare said, "sweet wench."  It would not
now be proper to call your sweetheart a hag -- that compliment is
reserved for the use of her grandchildren.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HaHaHaHaHaHa..my eyes are filled with tears.
%%
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, snicker, snicker, giggle, giggle, titter,
titter, titter, te he he he he he he, chuckle chuckle, chortle, chortle, . . .
%%
HA HAH HA HAH HAH <SMACK< ... oof ...
%%
:ha ha only serious: [from SF fandom, orig. as mutation of HHOK,
   `Ha Ha Only Kidding'] A phrase (often seen abbreviated as HHOS)
   that aptly captures the flavor of much hacker discourse.  Applied
   especially to parodies, absurdities, and ironic jokes that are both
   intended and perceived to contain a possibly disquieting amount of
   truth, or truths that are constructed on in-joke and self-parody.
   This lexicon contains many examples of ha-ha-only-serious in both
   form and content.  Indeed, the entirety of hacker culture is often
   perceived as ha-ha-only-serious by hackers themselves; to take it
   either too lightly or too seriously marks a person as an outsider,
   a {wannabee}, or in {larval stage}.  For further
   enlightenment on this subject, consult any Zen master.  See also
   {{Humor, Hacker}}, and {AI koans}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HAH: Halt And Hang
%%
Hah.   I know Tim Maroney.  I've smoked pot with Tim Maroney.  And K*nt Paul
Dolan is no Tim Maroney!
 -- Gary Strand (gary@cgdra.ucar.edu)
%%
Hah - made you look!
 -- Cat Game #1
%%
HA! I kill me!
%%
HAIKU: But how can this be?
My Teacher commands me: Press
ENTER to exit.
%%
HAIKU: Danger lurks, where a
crushing avalanche of white
has buried my desk.
%%
Haiku's inventor
must have had seven fingers
on his middle hand.
%%
Hail Caesar! We who are about to dine salad you.
%%
Hail, Columbia! happy land!
Hail, ye heroes! heaven-born band!
  Who fought and bled in Freedom's cause,
  Who fought and bled in Freedom's cause,
And when the storm of war was gone,
Enjoyed the peace your valor won.
  Let independence be our boast,
  Ever mindful what it cost;
  Ever grateful for the prize,
  Let its altar reach the skies!
 -- Joseph Hopkinson (1770-1842)
 -- Hail, Columbia!
%%
Hail Eris! All hail Discordia! [picture of apple]
%%
Hail fellow, well met.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- My Lady's Lamentation
%%
Hail, hail, rock and roll.
 -- Chuck Berry
%%
Hail holy light! offspring of heav'n first-born.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 1
%%
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
%%
HAIL
  Like rain, but harder. Meteorologists have conducted studies about
  the weather patterns relating to hail, and the likely occurrence of
  it, and have concluded that it is most likely to hail when you are
  walking down the street without even an umbrella for protection.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Hail Stones!
%%
Hail to thee, Loser!
%%
Hail to the sun god, he sure is a fun god, Ra, Ra, Ra!
%%
Hail wedded love, mysterious law, true source
Of human offspring.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 750
%%
HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex Sinclair! Top THAT!
%%
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side?  And hain't that a big
enough majority in any town?
 -- Mark Twain, Huckleberry Finn
%%
:hair: [back-formation from {hairy}] n. The complications that
   make something hairy.  "Decoding {TECO} commands requires a
   certain amount of hair."  Often seen in the phrase `infinite
   hair', which connotes extreme complexity.  Also in `hairiferous'
   (tending to promote hair growth): "GNUMACS elisp encourages lusers
   to write complex editing modes."  "Yeah, it's pretty hairiferous
   all right." (or just: "Hair squared!")
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hairball..hairball  don't touch it !!!
%%
Hair barrettes
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
Hairdressers give the best blow jobs.
%%
Hair is another name for sex.
%%
HAIR STYLISTS are shear pleasure
%%
HAIR TONICS, please!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
:hairy: adj. 1. Annoyingly complicated.  "{DWIM} is incredibly
   hairy."  2. Incomprehensible.  "{DWIM} is incredibly hairy."
   3. Of people, high-powered, authoritative, rare, expert, and/or
   incomprehensible.  Hard to explain except in context: "He knows
   this hairy lawyer who says there's nothing to worry about."  See
   also {hirsute}.

   A well-known result in topology called the Brouwer Fixed-Point
   Theorem states that any continuous transformation of a surface into
   itself has at least one fixed point.  Mathematically literate
   hackers tend to associate the term `hairy' with the informal
   version of this theorem; "You can't comb a hairy ball smooth."

   The adjective `long-haired' is well-attested to have been in
   slang use among scientists and engineers during the early 1950s; it
   was equivalent to modern `hairy' senses 1 and 2, and was very
   likely ancestral to the hackish use.  In fact the noun
   `long-hair' was at the time used to describe a person satisfying
   sense 3.  Both senses probably passed out of use when long hair
   was adopted as a signature trait by the 1960s counterculture,
   leaving hackish `hairy' as a sort of stunted mutant relic.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hairy fishnuts!?
 -- Opus
%%
Hairy Kiwi:  Death by fruit.
%%
Haji has been probably the best player on the field without any question.
%%
:hakspek: /hak'speek/ n. A shorthand method of spelling found on
   many British academic bulletin boards and {talker system}s.
   Syllables and whole words in a sentence are replaced by single
   ASCII characters the names of which are phonetically similar or
   equivalent, while multiple letters are usually dropped.  Hence,
   `for' becomes `4'; `two', `too', and `to' become `2'; `ck'
   becomes `k'.  "Before I see you tomorrow" becomes "b4 i c u
   2moro".  First appeared in London about 1986, and was probably
   caused by the slowness of available talker systems, which
   operated on archaic machines with outdated operating systems and
   no standard methods of communication.  Has become rarer since.
   See also {talk mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Halaska: the box on a U.S. map that shows the 49th and 50th states.
%%
Halcyon days.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Hal Daub, Congressman (Neb.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not bee.  But can it be an
 entire bee, if half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury?
 -- Monty Python
%%
Half a bubble off plumb.
 -- attributed to Mark Twain
%%
Half a cup of water is half-full, with air.
%%
Half a loaf is better than a whole one if there is much else.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Half a loaf is better than none.
%%
Half a loaf is better than no rest at all.
%%
Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Half an hour of begging is not considered foreplay.
%%
Half-done:
    This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still
crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference
between this and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like
the difference between life and death.
 You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill
there in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the
airport, fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough
Hall, transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on
Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk
about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop.  Say to the
man, Let me have a nice half-done.
       Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
 -- Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish
%%
Half Moon tonight.  (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
%%
HALF, n.  One of two equal parts into which a thing may be divided, or
considered as divided.  In the fourteenth century a heated discussion
arose among theologists and philosophers as to whether Omniscience
could part an object into three halves; and the pious Father
Aldrovinus publicly prayed in the cathedral at Rouen that God would
demonstrate the affirmative of the proposition in some signal and
unmistakable way, and particularly (if it should please Him) upon the
body of that hardy blasphemer, Manutius Procinus, who maintained the
negative.  Procinus, however, was spared to die of the bite of a
viper.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Half of me says I have schizophrenia, the other half says I don't.
%%
"Half of our mistakes in life arise from feeling where we ought to think,
and thinking where we ought to feel."
 -- John Churton Collins
%%
Half of the American people have never read a newspaper.  Half never voted
for President.  One hopes it is the same half.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want
to feel important.  They don't mean to do harm but the harm does not
interest them.
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Half of the world's Eskimos have never seen an igloo.
%%
Half of what I know today will be obsolete in five
years--I'd just like to know which half.
%%
Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you...
%%
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we
 have rushed through life trying to save.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Half the failures in life result from pulling in one's
horse when it is leaping.
%%
Half the fun of being alive is not knowing what
tomorrow will bring. The other half is pretending you don't care.
%%
Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true.
%%
Half the things that people do not succeed in, are through fear of
making the attempt...
 -- James Northcote
%%
Half the time, when you fall, the very girl you want, wont fall for you
at all.
%%
Half the trick is knowing the CyberPunks from the CyberPinks.
%%
"Half the truth is often a great lie."
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Half the work that is done in the world is
to make things appear what they are not.
 -- E. R. Beadle
%%
Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever
enough to take indecent advantage of them.
 -- Walter Kerr
%%
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and
 can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
%%
Halftime at Circvs Maximvs, and the Lions lead the Christians 326-0.
%%
Halftime shows really stink. The announcers don't even want to watch. "Now,
 the Phillips High School band pays a tribute ... to mayonnaise!" They form
 a gigantic mayonnaise jar on the field. One kid missed practice, doesn't
 know where to go. He's running around. From the stands it looks like a fly
 in the mayonnaise jar. And they announce it: "There's a fly in the
 mayonnaise jar! Very clever ..."
 -- Robert Klein
%%
Half way down
Hangs one that gathers samphire, dreadful trade!
Methinks he seems no bigger than his head:
The fishermen that walk upon the beach
Appear like mice.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 6
%%
Halfway down the stairs
Is a stair
Where I sit.
There isn't any
Other stair
Quite like
It.
I'm not at the bottom,
I'm not at the top;
So this is the stair
Where
I always
Stop.
 -- A.A. Milne
%%
Halfway up the stairs
Isn't up,
And isn't down.
It isn't in the nursery,
It isn't in the town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head:
"It isn't really
Anywhere!
It's somewhere alse
Instead!"
 -- A.A. Milne
%%
Half wits talk much but say little.
%%
Halitosis is better than no breath at all!
%%
Halleluja!  Put your HANDS on the MODEM!
%%
Halloo your name to the reverberate hills,
And make the babbling gossip of the air
Cry out.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Halloween, a pagan holiday perpetuated by the American Dental Assoc.
%%
Halloween's over.  Clinton removes mask and reveals BARNEY!
%%
HAL: Murder Operator
%%
HALO, n.  Properly, a luminous ring encircling an astronomical body,
but not infrequently confounded with "aureola," or "nimbus," a
somewhat similar phenomenon worn as a head-dress by divinities and
saints.  The halo is a purely optical illusion, produced by moisture
in the air, in the manner of a rainbow; but the aureola is conferred
as a sign of superior sanctity, in the same way as a bishop's mitre,
or the Pope's tiara.  In the painting of the Nativity, by Szedgkin, a
pious artist of Pesth, not only do the Virgin and the Child wear the
nimbus, but an ass nibbling hay from the sacred manger is similarly
decorated and, to his lasting honor be it said, appears to bear his
unaccustomed dignity with a truly saintly grace.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HALT: No-Op
%%
Hamburgers can be vicious if they're only wounded.
%%
Ham. Do you see yonder cloud that 's almost in shape of a camel?
Pol. By the mass, and 't is like a camel, indeed.
Ham. Methinks it is like a weasel.
Pol. It is backed like a weasel.
Ham. Or like a whale?
Pol. Very like a whale.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Ham. His beard was grizzled,--no?
Hor. It was, as I have seen it in his life,
A sable silver'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Ham. Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring?
Oph. 'T is brief, my lord.
Ham. As woman's love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Hamlet has been played by 5,000 actors-no wonder he is crazy.
%%
"Hamlet" is just a bunch of quotations strung together.
%%
Hamlet is the tragedy of tackling a family problem too soon after college.
 -- Tom Masson
%%
HAMMER
  A tool for hurting fingers. Hammers are generally made of a
  specially magnetised metal that is naturally attracted to skin.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Hammers and brains don't mix.
%%
Hammer throwers do it with 16 pound balls of steel.
%%
:hammer: vt. Commonwealth hackish syn. for {bang on}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HAMMY + BITCOM + EDLIN = A better smoke than DSZ
%%
Ham on rye ... a drunk radio operator!
%%
Ham radio operators do it till their GigaHertz
%%
Ham radio operators do it with higher frequency.
%%
Ham radio operators do it with more frequency.
%%
Hams do it with frequency, till their gigahertz.
%%
:hamster: n. 1. [Fairchild] A particularly slick little piece of
   code that does one thing well; a small, self-contained hack.  The
   image is of a hamster {happily} spinning its exercise wheel.  2. A
   tailless mouse; that is, one with an infrared link to a receiver on
   the machine, as opposed to the conventional cable.  3. [UK] Any
   item of hardware made by Amstrad, a company famous for its cheap
   plastic PC-almost-compatibles.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hamsters cannot fly.
%%
Hamsters:  Tribbles with an attitude.
%%
Ham. The air bites shrewdly; it is very cold.
Hor. It is a nipping and an eager air.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Ham. There 's ne'er a villain dwelling in all Denmark
But he 's an arrant knave.
Hor. There needs no ghost, my lord, come from the grave
To tell us this.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Handburger.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
HAND CRAFTED: machine that assembles it is operated without gloves.
%%
Handcuffs, for a truely binding relationship ...
%%
Handel's Messiah: Ollie Luyah
%%
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.  He was rather large.
%%
:hand-hacking: n. 1. The practice of translating {hot spot}s from
   an {HLL} into hand-tuned assembler, as opposed to trying to
   coerce the compiler into generating better code.  Both the term and
   the practice are becoming uncommon.  See {tune}, {bum}, {by
   hand}; syn. with v. {cruft}.  2. More generally, manual
   construction or patching of data sets that would normally be
   generated by a translation utility and interpreted by another
   program, and aren't really designed to be read or modified by
   humans.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
handhold: what two climbers do during long bivouacs on narrow ledges.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
'Handipaks' of screws always contain too few or too many for the job.
%%
HANDKERCHIEF
  A piece of cloth designed specifically to be filled with snot.
  Which must rather irritate it. I mean, I'm sure that you'd be
  pretty pissed off if you had only come into existence to be wiped
  on people's noses. I know I'd be annoyed if people left bogies on
  me. Which is why hankies are fighting back: They endeavour not to
  be in your pocket when you are suffering a sneezing attack.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
HANDKERCHIEF, n.  A small square of silk or linen, used in various
ignoble offices about the face and especially serviceable at funerals
to conceal the lack of tears.  The handkerchief is of recent
invention; our ancestors knew nothing of it and intrusted its duties
to the sleeve.  Shakespeare's introducing it into the play of
"Othello" is an anachronism:  Desdemona dried her nose with her skirt,
as Dr. Mary Walker and other reformers have done with their coattails
in our own day -- an evidence that revolutions sometimes go backward.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Handle all business ventures with discretion so you do not end up a loser.
%%
HANDLED WITH EXTREME CARE DURING THE EXPERIMENT
not dropped on the floor
 -- Research definitions
%%
:handle: n. 1. [from CB slang] An electronic pseudonym; a `nom
   de guerre' intended to conceal the user's true identity.  Network
   and BBS handles function as the same sort of simultaneous
   concealment and display one finds on Citizen's Band radio, from
   which the term was adopted.  Use of grandiose handles is
   characteristic of {cracker}s, {weenie}s, {spod}s, and
   other lower forms of network life; true hackers travel on their own
   reputations rather than invented legendry.  Compare
   {nick}. 2. [Mac] A pointer to a pointer to dynamically-allocated
   memory; the extra level of indirection allows on-the-fly memory
   compaction (to cut down on fragmentation) or aging out of unused
   resources, with minimal impact on the (possibly multiple) parts of
   the larger program containing references to the allocated memory.
   Compare {snap} (to snap a handle would defeat its purpose); see
   also {aliasing bug}, {dangling pointer}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Handle with care:  Elderly tagline.
%%
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged
 Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per
 Hour.
%%
Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard
 -- I'm living for today!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hand-me-down clothing, also known as sharewear.
%%
Hand me that dolphin burger.  Yeah, the one in styrofoam.
%%
Hand me that piano.
 -- Things you never hear people say
%%
Hand me the glass.  (clink)  No, the other glass
%%
HAND, n.  A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"Hand over all your money in a paper bag!"

"Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a
convenience store you know."
 -- Apu, the Kwik-E-Mart clerk, in "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
Hand over that tagline and no one will get hurt.
%%
:hand-roll: [from obs. mainstream slang `hand-rolled' in
   opposition to `ready-made', referring to cigarettes] v. To
   perform a normally automated software installation or configuration
   process {by hand}; implies that the normal process failed due to
   bugs in the configurator or was defeated by something exceptional
   in the local environment.  "The worst thing about being a gateway
   between four different nets is having to hand-roll a new sendmail
   configuration every time any of them upgrades."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:handshaking: n. Hardware or software activity designed to start or
   keep two machines or programs in synchronization as they {do
   protocol}.  Often applied to human activity; thus, a hacker might
   watch two people in conversation nodding their heads to indicate
   that they have heard each others' points and say "Oh, they're
   handshaking!".  See also {protocol}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hands off - I'm a conversation piece.
%%
Hands promiscuously applied,
Round the slight waist, or down the glowing side.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Waltz
%%
Hands that the rod of empire might have sway'd,
  Or waked to ecstasy the living lyre.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 12
%%
Hands up!  Said the laser printer.
%%
HANDYMEN do it with whatever is available
%%
Handymen like good screws.
%%
Hang around with dolphins, carrying a large pair of scissors in case
you meet a tuna fishing boat that hasn't learnt about driftnets being
illegal.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Hang five, guys. I'm getting something. He committed suicide, he
committed suicide, he committed suicide, the fish committed suicide.
There is some kind of link here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
 -- Cat in Red Dwarf 'Back to Reality'
%%
Hang gliders come down very slowly.
%%
Hang-Gliders do it in the air.
%%
Hanging and wiving goes by destiny.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 9
%%
Hanging - An Early western form of Bungee Jumping
%%
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
 -- Fred Allen (Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit.)
%%
Hanging of his cat on Monday
For killing of a mouse on Sunday.
 -- Drunken Barnaby's Four Journeys (edition of 1805, p. 5)
%%
Hanging was the worst use a man could be put to.
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- The Disparity between Buckingham and Essex
%%
Hangloose from the rooftop
%%
HANGMAN, n.  An officer of the law charged with duties of the highest
dignity and utmost gravity, and held in hereditary disesteem by a
populace having a criminal ancestry.  In some of the American States
his functions are now performed by an electrician, as in New Jersey,
where executions by electricity have recently been ordered -- the
first instance known to this lexicographer of anybody questioning the
expediency of hanging Jerseymen.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hangnail:  Coat hook...
%%
Hang on Barfo... we're going to make space tracks!
%%
Hang onto your turban, kid -- We're gonna make you a *star*!
 -- Genie
%%
Hang out our banners on the outward walls;
The cry is still, "They come!" our castle's strength
Will laugh a siege to scorn.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
Hangovers go away.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Hangovers go away.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Hangover:  the mourning after the night before
%%
Hang sorrow! care 'll kill a cat.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Every Man in his Humour, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Hang sorrow! care will kill a cat,
And therefore let 's be merry.
 -- George Wither (1588-1667)
 -- Poem on Christmas
%%
Hang ten!  -  Vlad the Impaler at the beach
%%
Hang up the phone, Scotty, there's no intelligent carrier down here.
%%
:hang: v. 1. To wait for an event that will never occur.  "The
   system is hanging because it can't read from the crashed drive".
   See {wedged}, {hung}.  2. To wait for some event to occur; to
   hang around until something happens.  "The program displays a menu
   and then hangs until you type a character."  Compare {block}.
   3. To attach a peripheral device, esp. in the construction `hang
   off':  "We're going to hang another tape drive off the file
   server."  Implies a device attached with cables, rather than
   something that is strictly inside the machine's chassis.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Han  "I don't know.  You think a princess and a guy like me..."
Leia "No."
 -- Star Wars
%%
Hankerin' for trouble, eh? Well I would like--
 [aside] I would like? I would like a trip to Europe!
 --I would like...
 -- Daffy Duck, "Dripalong Daffy"
%%
:Hanlon's Razor: prov. A corollary of {Finagle's Law}, similar
   to Occam's Razor, that reads "Never attribute to malice that which
   can be adequately explained by stupidity."  The derivation of the
   common title Hanlon's Razor is unknown; a similar epigram has been
   attributed to William James.  Quoted here because it seems to be a
   particular favorite of hackers, often showing up in {sig
   block}s, {fortune cookie} files and the login banners of BBS
   systems and commercial networks.  This probably reflects the
   hacker's daily experience of environments created by
   well-intentioned but short-sighted people.  Compare {Sturgeon's
   Law}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hannibal, as he had mighty virtues, so had he many vices; he had two
distinct persons in him.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
Hannibal was a very pretty fellow in those days.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- The Old Bachelor, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Hansen: "Commander Riker, I hearby promote you to the field commission of
  captain.  The Enterprise is your ship now.  Congratulations."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Hansen: "He is...a casuality of war."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Hansen: "In less than twenty-four hours, this armada is going to hit that Borg
  vessel with everything we can muster.  Either they survive or we don't.  As
  for Picard, a great man has been lost.  Your captain...my friend."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Hansen: "Lieutenant, a few years ago, I watched a freshman cadet pass
four  upperclassmen on the last hill of the forty-kilometer run at
Delulin II.  The  damnest thing I ever saw, the only freshman to ever
win the Academy Marathon.  I made it my business to get to know that
young fellow, and get to know him  very, very well.  And I'll tell
you something.  I never met anyone with more  drive and determination
or more courage than Jean-Luc Picard.  And there is no  way in hell
that he would submit to the Borg.  I want that clear."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Hansen: "We've mobilized a fleet of forty starships at Wolf-359, and that's
  just for starters.  The Klingons are sending starships.  Hell, we've even
  thought of opening communications with the Romulans!"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Han Solo lives - in my refrigerator.
%%
Hanson: "This is the third time we've pulled out the captain's chair for Riker.
  He just won't sit down."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Happens to blacks-racism, happens to men-women's liberation!
%%
:happily: adv.  Of software, used to emphasize that a program is
   unaware of some important fact about its environment, either
   because it has been fooled into believing a lie, or because it
   doesn't care.  The sense of `happy' here is not that of elation,
   but rather that of blissful ignorance.  "The program continues to
   run, happily unaware that its output is going to /dev/null."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Happily ever after...there are some people who have achieved that,
for the moment."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
"Happily, I read English."
   [Draws sword] "Then read it happily."
 -- Exchange in the 1950s production of IVANHOE
%%
Happily may I walk.
May it be beautiful before me.
May it be beautiful behind me.
May it be beautiful below me.
May it be beautiful above me.
May it be beautiful all around me.
In beauty it is finished.
 -- Navaho Night Chant
%%
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
%%
Happiness and good fortune inevitably happen to someone else.
%%
Happiness at age ten was finding an empty six pack of returnable
Coke bottles. The poor kids these days will never know that they
missed, which is why we have a generation gap.
 -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
Happiness can be found in the bottom of a klien bottle.
 -- The Peanut Gallery
%%
Happiness can't buy money!
%%
Happiness: Changing TV Channels when football is on.
%%
Happiness comes in packages marked 'Batteries Not Included'.
%%
Happiness depends, as Nature shows,
Less on exterior things than most suppose.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 246
%%
Happiness descended upon him.  He didn't even have time to step aside.
%%
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
Happiness is a big fat uranium demodulating hypersphere.
%%
Happiness is a BIG hard drive!
%%
Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.
 -- Mildred Barthel
%%
Happiness is a full backup.
%%
Happiness is a hard disk.
%%
Happiness is a loud belch.
%%
Happiness is a paycheck every week.
%%
Happiness is a Pig in Mud.
%%
Happiness is as a butterfly which when pursued is always beyond our
grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly may alight upon you.
 -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
Happiness is a state of mind.  Not happy?  Change your mind.
%%
Happiness is a struggle, where there is no borderline between one's
 own personal world, and the world in general.
 -- Lee H. Oswald
%%
Happiness is a Tardis with a working dematerialization circuit.
%%
Happiness is attending an IndyCar race..
%%
Happiness is a twit filter...
%%
Happiness is a warm gun.
%%
Happiness is a warm modem.
%%
Happiness is a Warm Woman, a Hot Cycle, and a Cold Beer!
%%
Happiness is Being A SysOp.
%%
"Happiness is being famous for your financial
ability to indulge in every kind of excess."
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
Happiness is Bill and Hillary's picture on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is coming.
%%
Happiness is egg-shaped.
%%
Happiness is finding special characters ^^^^^
%%
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
 -- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)
%%
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
 -- George Burns
%%
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
Happiness is having friends who laugh at your stories when they're not so funny
and sympathize with you in your troubles even when they're not so bad.
%%
Happiness is in direct proportion to the distance from the home office.
Contradictory Corollary: The diner who is furthest from the kitchen
is a nervous eater.
 -- Al Blanchard
%%
Happiness is in the taste, and not in the things themselves; we are happy
from possessing what we like, not from possessing what others like.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality.
%%
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
%%
Happiness is just like the way you feel right now, only much, much better.
%%
Happiness is Killing Orcs.
%%
Happiness Is Mandatory....Are you Happy ?
%%
Happiness is no laughing matter.
%%
Happiness is not a circus clown rolling around in a big tractor tire so that
 his arms and legs form "spokes."  Happiness is when he stops.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Happiness is not a destination.  It's the trip.
%%
Happiness is not all it's cracked up to be.
%%
Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
 -- Margaret Lee Runbeck
%%
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
Happiness isn't something you experience. It's something you remember.
 -- Oscar Levant
%%
Happiness is oweing the IRS $50,000 when you die.
%%
Happiness is Planet Earth in your rear-view mirror.
 -- Sam Hurt
%%
Happiness is reading AUTORACE.
%%
Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!!
%%
Happiness is seeing Bill Clinton's face on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing Limbaugh's picture on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Bruins on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Devils on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Lightnings on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Maple Leafs on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Panthers on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Penguins on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Rangers on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Red Wings on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Sabres on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing the Whalers on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing your grouchy old neighbor's picture on a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
%%
Happiness is The Canadiens having the Stanley Cup.
%%
Happiness is the longing for repetition.
 -- Kundera
%%
Happiness is the result of discovering that you do not have to
have what you want.
 -- JAMES FLEIBLEMAN
%%
Happiness is to a matter of events;
it depends upon the tides of the mind.
 -- Alice Meynell
%%
Happiness is twin floppies.
%%
Happiness is usually measured in GigaBytes.
%%
Happiness is wanting what you have.
%%
Happiness is your favorite program moving to Windows.
%%
Happiness lies, first of all, in health.
 -- George William Curtis
%%
Happiness, like misery, is usually self-inflicted.
%%
Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Happiness: Me in a bar,  Bob buying the drinks!
%%
Happiness, n.: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
another.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Happiness seems so hard to win.
%%
Happiness seems to require a modicum of external prosperity.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Happiness: waking up and seeing your boss' picture on the milk carton.
%%
Happy as a Pig in Mud!
%%
Happy as a vampire in a blood bank.
%%
Happy complaining, Bob!
%%
Happy days are here again.
%%
Happy Feast of the Pig.
%%
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which,
 if exposed due to rupture, should not be
 touched, inhaled, or looked at.
%%
Happy Fun Ball!  (still legal in 16 states)
%%
Happy-go-lucky people can only be happy when they are lucky.
%%
Happy Hanukah.
%%
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY JOY!
%%
Happy happy happy ... peel peel peel!
 -- Stimpy
%%
Happy he
With such a mother! faith in womankind
Beats with his blood, and trust in all things high
Comes easy to him; and tho' he trip and fall,
He shall not blind his soul with clay.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part vii, Line 308
%%
Happy is harder than money. Anyone who thinks money will make them
happy, doesn't have money.
 -- David Geffen
%%
Happy is he who dashes the heads of his enemy's children against rocks.
%%
Happy is he who dashes the heads of his enemy's children against rocks.
 -- Psalms 137:9
%%
Happy is the blonde who can keep her hair light and her past dark.
%%
Happy is the child whose father died rich.
%%
Happy is the house that shelters a friend.
 -- Emerson
%%
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxvii, 5
%%
Happy is the man with a wife to tell him what to do and a secretary who
 will do it for him.
%%
Happy man be his dole!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Happy man, happy dole.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
Happy modeming!
%%
Happy New Year!: Mary Christmas
%%
HAPPY: Paid too much.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Happy people are just so gross.
%%
Happy the man, and happy he alone,
  He who can call to-day his own;
  He who, secure within, can say,
To-morrow, do thy worst, for I have liv'd to-day.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Imitation of Horace, Book iii, Ode 29, Line 65
%%
Happy the man who, like Ulysses, has made a fine voyage, or has won
the Golden Fleece, and then returns, experienced and knowledgeable,
to spend the rest of his life among his family!
 -- Joachim Du Bellay (1522-1560), Sonnet de Regrets
%%
Happy the man whose wish and care
  A few paternal acres bound.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Ode on Solitude
%%
Happy the people whose annals are blank in history-books.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Life of Frederick the Great, Book xvi, Chap. i
%%
Happy who in his verse can gently steer
From grave to light, from pleasant to severe.
 -- Nicholas Boileau-Despreaux (1636-1711)
 -- The Art of Poetry, Canto i, Line 75
%%
:haque: /hak/ [USENET] n. Variant spelling of {hack}, used
   only for the noun form and connoting an {elegant} hack. that is
   a {hack} in sense 2.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HARANGUE, n.  A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue-
outang.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HARBOR, n.  A place where ships taking shelter from stores are exposed
to the fury of the customs.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hard as a piece of the nether millstone.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xli, 24
%%
:hardcoded: adj. 1. Said of data inserted directly into a program,
   where it cannot be easily modified, as opposed to data in some
   {profile}, resource (see {de-rezz} sense 2), or environment
   variable that a {user} or hacker can easily modify.  2. In C,
   this is esp. applied to use of a literal instead of a
   `#define' macro (see {magic number}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
hardcore signature virus: "As a juror in a Trial by Jury,
you have the right, power and duty to acquit the defendant
if you judge the law itself to be unjust."
 -- John McPherson, mcpherso@macvax.ucsd.edu
%%
Hard Disk:  A device that allows naive users to delete vast amounts of data
with a few simple commands.
%%
Hard Disk error! Disk is soft... Harden it, then try...
%%
Hard DISK? Gee, sorry, lady, I misunderstood you.
%%
Hard disks never die... HA!
%%
Hard Drive Backed Up?   Try Hex-Lax!
%%
Hard Drive backup??? Who me.......
%%
Hard Drive Crash?  Dial 1-800-YOU BURN ..
%%
Hard Drive Crash..Sysop Strikes a Directory Tree
%%
Hard Drive is down and the sexdrive is operational!
%%
Hard Drive: taking a long car ride with your mother-in-law.
%%
Hard drugs made me a better person.
%%
hard err on diskunit
%%
Hard hat area!!!!!
%%
Hard-learned lessons are remembered longest.
%%
Hardly a competent workman can be found who does not devote a considerable
amount of time to studying just how slowly he can work and still convince
his employer that he is going at a good pace.
 -- Frederick W. Taylor
%%
Hardly a pure science, history is closer to animal husbandry than it is
to mathematics, in that it involves selective breeding.  The principal
difference between the husbandryman and the historian is that the
former breeds sheep or cows or such, and the latter breeds (assumed)
facts.  The husbandryman uses his skills to enrich the future; the
historian uses his to enrich the past.  Both are usually up to their
ankles in bullshit.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.
 -- Daniel Dennett
%%
Hard rock. Heavy metal. Natural textures?
%%
Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is
%%
Hardware buffs do it in nanoseconds.
%%
Hardware designers' performance is hardware dependant.
%%
Hardware Error
%%
Hardware hackers are a charge.
%%
Hardware hackers do it closely coupled.
%%
Hardware hackers do it electrically.
%%
Hardware hackers do it intermittently.
%%
Hardware hackers do it noisily.
%%
Hardware hackers do it on a bus.
%%
Hardware hackers do it over a wide temperature range.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with AC and DC.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with bus drivers.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with charge.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with connections.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with emitter-coupled logic.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with female banana plugs.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with male connectors.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with maximum ratings.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with power.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with resistance.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with transceivers.
%%
Hardware hackers do it with uncommon emitters into open collectors.
%%
Hardware hackers have faster rise times.
%%
Hardware hackers have sensitive probes.
%%
hardware: metal which when draped around the neck gives a musical
accompaniment to a climb and provides ballast to regulate a climber's ascent.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Hardware, n.:
 The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
%%
Hardware: Nuts, bolts, and circuit boards "left over" after repairman
has reassembled cpu.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Hardware: The part you kick. Software: this you corrupt!
%%
Hardware: Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment
 you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
%%
Hardware works best when it matters the least.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
:hardwarily: /hard-weir'*-lee/ adv. In a way pertaining to
   hardware.  "The system is hardwarily unreliable."  The adjective
   `hardwary' is *not* traditionally used, though it has recently
   been reported from the U.K.  See {softwarily}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hard where? soft where?
%%
:hardwired: adj. 1. In software, syn. for {hardcoded}.  2. By
   extension, anything that is not modifiable, especially in the sense
   of customizable to one's particular needs or tastes.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
%%
Hard work must have killed someone!
%%
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
 -- Charlie McCarthy (Edgar Bergen, 1903-1978)
%%
Hare Forsberg, Hare Forsberg, Proyam proyam, Hare
%%
Hare Krishna Hare 4DOS
%%
HAREOKE
  Japanese tradition. The practice of singing a song very badly in
  front of lots of people, then killing yourself out of embarrassment.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Hari-kiri takes some guts.
%%
Harken ye, Wench, I Require Wine, Song, and Entertainment
%%
Hark! from the tombs a doleful sound.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Hymns and Spiritual Songs, Book ii, Hymn 63
%%
Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark The Duke is fond of kittens He likes to take their
insides out And use them for his mittens
 -- From "The Thirteen Clocks"
%%
Hark, hark! the lark at heaven's gate sings,
  And Phoebus 'gins arise,
His steeds to water at those springs
  On chaliced flowers that lies;
And winking Mary-buds begin
  To ope their golden eyes:
With everything that pretty is,
  My lady sweet, arise.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
Hark! they whisper; angels say,
Sister spirit, come away!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dying Christian to his Soul
%%
Hark! to the hurried question of despair:
"Where is my child?"--an echo answers, "Where?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Bride of Abydos, Canto ii, Stanza 27
%%
Hark! What light through yonder afro breaks?
%%
Hark, what mail from yonder modem breaks?
%%
Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender.  You stand
convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.
 -- Tobias Smollet
%%
HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? - Can you drive a French motorcycle?
%%
HARMAN/BOECKMANN/COUCH/THOMAS/WHITE/WILLIAMS/WILSON
%%
Harmless ninja throwing button.
%%
HARMONISTS, n.  A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from
Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for
the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Harness her to the ceiling, position over you, ROTATE!
%%
Harpist:  A plucky musician...
%%
HARPISTS do it by pulling strings.
%%
Harris's Lament:
 All the good ones are taken.
%%
Harrods--what a snotty store! I mean, even the window dummies have
 attitudes.
 -- Kit Hollerbach
%%
Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day,
    give yourself a present.  Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it
  happen.  It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a cat-nap in your
  office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee...
 -- Special Agent Dale Cooper, from Twin Peaks
%%
Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he
makes us all go to Assateague, which is an island on the Atlantic Ocean
famous for its wild horses.  I realize that the concept of wild horses
probably stirs romantic notions in many of you, but this is because you
have never met any wild horses in person.  In person, they are like
enormous hooved rats.  They amble up to your camp site, and their
attitude is: We're wild horses.   We're going to eat your food, knock
down your tent and poop on your shoes.  We're protected by federal law,
just like Richard Nixon.
 -- Dave Barry, Tenting Grandpa Bob
%%
Harry, keep the change...
%%
HartnellDOS 1.0: (A)bort (R)etry (T)ug on Lapels
%%
haruach hakaytzit chama hee kayadua.
%%
Harvesting Wild Plants: Dudley Nightshade
%%
HARVEY SMITH
  The gesture made by the more careless visiting American presidents
  to Australians. (Honest.)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Has a dog a Buddha-nature?
 This is the most serious question of all.
 If you say 'yes' or 'no' you lose your own Buddha-nature.
%%
Has a few screws loose. Otherwise ok!
%%
Has a few wait states.
%%
Has a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold them together.
%%
Has a leak in his ceiling.
%%
Has all her bricks, but no cement holding them together.
%%
Has all the brains God gave a duck's ass.
%%
Has an IQ of 2, and it takes 3 to grunt.
%%
Has anybody ever found Waldo?
%%
Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not! They
 come out after dark, up to no good.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
Has anybody found a good use for a live cat?
%%
"Has anybody seen my legs?"
 -- Barney Miller
%%
Has anyone died from Engineering Math 4015?
%%
Has anyone found my marbles?
%%
Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?
Yes, I don't have one.
Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors ...
 -- E. D'Azevedo, Computer Science 372
%%
Has anyone seen a life with my name on it?
%%
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
%%
Has anyone seen my sanity?
%%
Has anyone seen my tagline?  I think someone stole it!!
%%
Has anyone seen our Scout Troop Committee???
%%
Has anyone told you your a person of a few words... a few million.
 -- Toto the monkey, from the Jungle Doctor story, "Sweet and Sour Hippo"
%%
Has any turtle ever outlived a shaker of turtle food?
 -- Jerry Seinfeld
%%
Has a one-way ticket on the Disoriented Express.
%%
Has a room temperature IQ.
%%
Has a slow clock.
%%
"... Has Determined That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous To Your Health"
%%
'Has eighteen letters' does.
%%
Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES??...
 Now, it's time to ``HAVE A NAGEELA''!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word database are
typed with the left hand?    Now the layout of the QWERTYUIOP typewriter
keyboard was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use
of both hands.  It follows, therefore, that writing about databases is
not only unnatural, but a lot harder than it appears.
%%
:hash bucket: n.  A notional receptacle, a set of which might be
   used to apportion data items for sorting or lookup purposes.  When
   you look up a name in the phone book (for example), you typically
   hash it by extracting its first letter; the hash buckets are the
   alphabetically ordered letter sections.  This term is used as
   techspeak with respect to code that uses actual hash functions; in
   jargon, it is used for human associative memory as well.  Thus, two
   things `in the same hash bucket' are more difficult to
   discriminate, and may be confused.  "If you hash English words
   only by length, you get too many common grammar words in the first
   couple of hash buckets." Compare {hash collision}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hash collision: [from the technical usage] n. (var. `hash
   clash') When used of people, signifies a confusion in associative
   memory or imagination, especially a persistent one (see
   {thinko}).  True story: One of us [ESR] was once on the phone
   with a friend about to move out to Berkeley.  When asked what he
   expected Berkeley to be like, the friend replied: "Well, I have
   this mental picture of naked women throwing Molotov cocktails, but
   I think that's just a collision in my hash tables."  Compare
   {hash bucket}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Has HELL frozen over yet?
%%
Has his solar panels aimed at the moon.
%%
Has history ever recorded a time when the maj. was right?
%%
Hash may be expensive but you pay for powder through the nose.
%%
HASH, x.  There is no definition for this word -- nobody knows what
hash is.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Has it ever rained cats and dogs?
%%
Has no discretionary intellect.
%%
Has no upper stage.
%%
Hasn't got all his china in the cupboard.
%%
Hasn't got the brains God gave a cat.
%%
Has signs on both ears saying "Space for Rent".
%%
Hasta la pizza...
%%
Hasta la vista, Bebe!
 -- Terminator 2 on int'l terms
%%
HASTE CUISINE - Fast French food.
%%
Haste maketh waste.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ii
%%
Hasten slowly. [festina lente]
 -- Augustus Caesar
%%
Hasten to laugh at everything lest you be obliged to weep.
%%
Haste thee, Nymph, and bring with thee
Jest and youthful Jollity,
Quips and Cranks and wanton Wiles,
Nods and Becks and wreathed Smiles.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 25
%%
Has the attention span of an overripe grapefruit.
%%
Has the brains of a house plant.
%%
Has the Grand Canyon under the crew cut.
%%
Has the IQ of a salad bar / ice cube.
%%
Has the mental agility of a soap dish.
%%
Has the world always been like this, or have I been too wrapped up in myself
to notice?
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD!
%%
:has the X nature: [seems to derive from Zen Buddhist koans of the
   form "Does an X have the Buddha-nature?"] adj. Common hacker
   construction for `is an X', used for humorous emphasis.  "Anyone
   who can't even use a program with on-screen help embedded in it
   truly has the {loser} nature!"  See also {the X that can be Y
   is not the true X}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Has this conference been sprinkled?????
%%
Has this fellow no feeling of his business?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Hastur Hastur Hastur Hastur Hastur Hastur Hastur Hastur Hast... urrrrrrrk!
%%
Hastur!  Hastur!  Hastur!  See, nothing happe$%@!).#^NO CARRIER
%%
Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
%%
Hasty climbers have sudden falls.
 -- Proverb
%%
Has your family tried 'em?

POWDERMILK BISCUITS

Heavens, they're tasty and expeditious!

They're made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the
strength to get up and do what needs to be done.

POWDERMILK BISCUITS

Buy them ready-made in the big blue box with the picture of the
biscuit on the front, or in the brown bag with the dark stains
that indicate freshness.
%%
HATCHET, n.  A young axe, known among Indians as a Thomashawk.

    "O bury the hatchet, irascible Red,
    For peace is a blessing," the White Man said.
        The Savage concurred, and that weapon interred,
    With imposing rites, in the White Man's head.
                                                           John Lukkus
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hateful to me as are the gates of hell, is he who, hiding one thing in
his heart, Utters another.
 -- Homer (c. 700 B.C.)
%%
Hate just I sentences reading with out of words order the.
%%
Hate. Love. All the same. Burn the world down.
%%
Hate the sin and love the sinner.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
HATE
  To dislike something immensely. If you would are interested in
  hate, and would like to take it up as a hobby, contact the Hate
  Everything League. They hold regular meetings at Hate Hall, where
  members read odes to Barry Manilow, sing songs about Volvo Drivers,
  rip Cobol source-code print-outs to shreds, and burn effigies of
  software company support line operators.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Hath his bellyful of fighting.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make
one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans ix, 21
%%
Hating anything in the way of ill-natured gossip ourselves,
 we are always grateful to those who do it for us and do it well.
%%
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.
 -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
:hat: n. Common (spoken) name for the circumflex (`^', ASCII
   1011110) character.  See {ASCII} for other synonyms.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
hat_pmgreserve: invalid pmg
%%
Hatred is an ulcer on the body of brotherhood.
%%
Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Hatred is not a family value
%%
Hatred is toxic waste in the river of life.
 -- Micron
%%
Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hat?  What hat?  That's a helipad for munchkins.
 -- Guinan
%%
Have 8-track, Will Travel.
%%
Have a blast while you last.
 -- Hollis Stacy
%%
Have a cold? Let me introduce you to Doc Jack Kevorkian.
%%
Have a Commander - Welcome aboard.
%%
Have a good meal today: eat a minotaur.
%%
Have a good trip! I hope you enjoy your absence more than I will.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Have a great day in spite of everyone!
%%
Have a great morning, and remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make
some of
your own.
 -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter
                   Preposterous Words
%%
Have a Husky day: 30 below and 5' of snow!
%%
Have an adequate day.
 -- Charade
%%
Have an affair. It'll help break up the monogamy.
%%
Have a nice day.
%%
Have a nice day, and a better tomorrow!
%%
Have a nice day or Klortho will rip your nuts off.
%%
Have a nice day . . . somewhere else.
%%
Have a nice day - unless you've made other plans.
%%
"Have a nice diurnal anomaly."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Have an illuminated day!  [picture of smiley pyramid]
%%
Have another day.
%%
Have another Galactic Gargleblaster?
%%
Have any OK tags, but here's my Barney tags..
%%
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this
is not advice, it is merely custom.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Have a strong mind and a soft heart.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
"Have a van, now, load with weapons
 Packed up and ready to go....
 Sound of gun fire off in the distance....."
 -- Talking Heads
%%
Have a very good reason for everything you do.
 -- Laurence Olivier
%%
Have beer, will.....buuurrrrpppp.......party!
%%
Have blaster -- will travel.
%%
Have but one God:  thy knees were sore
If bent in prayer to three or four.
Adore no images save those
The coinage of thy country shows.
Take not the Name in vain.
Direct Thy swearing unto some effect.
Thy hand from Sunday work be held --
Work not at all unless compelled.
Honor thy parents, and perchance
Their wills thy fortunes may advance.
Kill not -- death liberates thy foe
From persecution's constant woe.
Kiss not thy neighbor's husband.  Of course
There's no objection to divorce.
To steal were folly, for 'tis plain
In cheating there is greater gain.
Bear not false witness.  Shake your head
And say that you have "heard it said."
Who stays to covet ne'er will catch
An opportunity to snatch.
 -- The New Decalogue
%%
Have courage Pete,  It could be worse.
%%
Have cursor, will curse.
%%
Have fun in Netland!
%%
Have fun.
 -- Jim Bouton
%%
Have hung
My dank and dropping weeds
To the stern god of sea.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Translation of Horace, Book i, Ode 5
%%
Have I caught my heav'nly jewel.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Astrophel and Stella, Second Song
%%
...have I forsaken thee thus, my love?
...yes, for I'm a fool - forgive a fool?
for he knows not thee well.
%%
Have I found GOD?  Why, did you lose Her AGAIN?
%%
Have I kept you waiting?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
Have in readiness this saying of Solon, "But we will not give up our
virtue in exchange for their wealth."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- How to profit by our Enemies
%%
Have IQ's dropped sharply while I was away?
 -- Ripley (in Aliens)
%%
Have mercy upon us miserable sinners.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- The Litany
%%
Have no fear - I never attack lesser beings.
%%
Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.
 -- Salvador Dali
%%
Have no friends not equal to yourself.
 -- Cervantes
%%
Have no respect whatsoever for authority; forget who said it and instead
 look at what he starts with, where he ends up, and ask yourself, "Is it
 reasonable?"
 -- Richard Feyman's father
%%
"Haven't seen you for nigh onto three years. Where you been, Eddie?"
  "Drunk.  Feeling frisky tonight, boys?"
 -- WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?
%%
Haven't you any sense of humor?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
Haven't you ever heard of a joke?
%%
Haven't you heard about the BIG HUNGRY BEAR?
%%
"Haven't you seen me somewhere before?"
"I know the name, but I can't remember the face."
 -- Woody Allen, "What's New, Pussycat?"
%%
Have paid scot and lot there any time this eighteen years.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Every Man in his Humour, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Have passion, will travel
%%
Have people realized that the purpose of the fortune cookie program is to
defuse project tensions?  When did you ever see a cheerful cookie, a
non-cynical, or even an informative cookie?
Perhaps inadvertently, we have a channel for our aggressions.  This still begs
the question of whether the cookie releases the pressure or only serves to
blunt the warning signs.
%%
Have plenty of football for the
alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
 -- Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College
%%
Have screwdriver, will fix.
%%
Have something to say!
 -- Writer's Rule #1
%%
Have subspace modem, will telecommunicate.
%%
Have Tardis, will travel.
%%
Have the boy sent to the bridge.
 -- Picard
%%
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
 -- Robert Cody
%%
Have the courage to take off when the others are standing still.
%%
Have the florist send some roses to Mrs Upjohn and write 'Emily I love you'
 on the back of the bill.
%%
Have time to waste?  Get Microsoft Windows 3.1!
%%
Have to ask the price?  You can't afford it!
%%
Have universal translator, will mumble!
%%
Have yee him on the hip.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
Have you actually tasted an airline toilet seat?
%%
Have you been treated well, Lieutenant?
Fine Captain, but they're showing some signs of wear.
 -- Yar and Picard, "Code of Honor", stardate 41235.25
%%
Have you called System Support today?
%%
Have you changed your tofu water today?
%%
Have you clubbed an ignorant human today?
%%
Have you counted your Legos lately?
%%
Have you crashed your Windows today?
%%
Have you cursed your software developer today?
%%
Have you done your "good turn" today?
%%
Have you driven OS/2...Lately?
%%
Have you drug tested YOUR legislators today?
%%
Have you @#%!ed your dog today?
%%
Have you ever attended
0100 ... Usenix?
0101 ... DECUS?
0102 ... SHARE?
0103 ... SIGGRAPH?
0104 ... NetCon?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Have you ever beaten
0251 ... Moria 4.8?
0252 ... Rogue 3.6?
0253 ... Rogue 5.3?
0254 ... Larn?
0255 ... Hack 1.0.3?
0256 ... Nethack 2.4?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Have you ever been frisked on a plane trip? They frisk you and then, on the
 plane, they serve and everybody has a steak knife!
 -- Shelley Berman
%%
Have you ever been in a restaurant and there's a couple in the next booth
 being overly affectionate? They're necking and groping and you're trying to
 eat your eggs. I always want to go up to them and say, "Excuse me ... would
 you mind if I join you?" How do these people think? Do they wake up in the
 morning: "Do you want to have sex, honey?" "No, let's wait till we get to
 Denny's!"
 -- Bobby Kelton
%%
Have you ever been overlayed?
%%
Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?
No, but I bet it hurts like hell.
%%
Have you ever built
0273 ... an Altair?
0274 ... a Heath/Zenith computer?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Have you ever considered a career in the Church?
No...I could never get used to the underwear.
 -- The Bishop and Edmund : Money
%%
Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
%%
Have you ever: drank beer because you liked to piss?
%%
Have you ever felt that all the world's a stage and you are the only one in
the audience?
%%
Have you ever had to finally decide...
%%
Have you ever had your stack stuck on a semaphore? (inside joke)
%%
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
%%
Have you ever jumped the Elephant Mans bones?
%%
Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you,
"There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
%%
Have you ever noticed what "golf" spells backwards?
%%
Have you ever picked a lock? [yn]
Really. Well, the police are being notified.
%%
Have you ever played
0246 ... Spacewar?
0247 ... Star Trek?
0248 ... Wumpus?
0249 ... Lunar Lander?
0250 ... Empire?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Have you ever programmed in
0095 ... the X windowing system?
0096 ... CICS?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Have you ever seen a plant with its leaves curled up? Have you watered it and
watched its leaves spread out again? Almost as quick as that can be the
response of a child's mind to a teacher who knows how to nourish it.
 -- Morris Mandel
%%
Have you ever started a chain reaction by dropping your bike onto a line of
 parked bikes?' (+3)
Did you receive applause for this?' (+1)
%%
Have you ever tried looking at the stars through a squirrel?
%%
Have you ever used
0085 ... TPU?
0086 ... TECO?
0087 ... Emacs?
0088 ... ed?
0089 ... vi?
0090 ... Xedit (in VM/CMS)?
0091 ... SOS?
0092 ... EDT?
0093 ... Wordstar?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Have you ever used
0268 ... a teletype?
0269 ... a paper tape?
0270 ... a decwriter?
0271 ... a card reader/punch?
0272 ... a SOL?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Have you ever wanted to go home and kick the kids???  Get help!!!
%%
Have you ever wished you could download a beer?
%%
Have you ever wondered if taxation without representation was cheaper?
%%
Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm?  Besides drugs,
I mean.  The answer is hot tubs.  A hot tub is a redwood container
filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite
sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse.  After a few hours in
their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or
mass murderers.  They don't give a damn about anything , which is why
they are able to produce Laverne and Shirley week after week.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
Have you ever wondered why aquarium water tastes funny?
%%
Have you ever wondered why you always run out of breath when you throw up?
Ah, but a man's retch should exceed his gasp, else what's a heaving for?
%%
Have you ever written
0444 ... a compiler?
0445 ... an operating system?
0446 ... a device driver?
0447 ... a text processor?
0448 ... a display hack?
0449 ... a database system?
0450 ... an expert system?
0451 ... an edge detector?
0452 ... a real-time control system?
0453 ... an accounting package?
0454 ... a virus?
0455 ... a prophylactic?
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
Have you flogged your crew today?
%%
Have you found your life distasteful?
  My life did, and does, smack sweet.
Was your youth of pleasure wasteful?
  Mine I saved and hold complete.
Do your joys with age diminish?
  When mine fail me, I 'll complain.
Must in death your daylight finish?
  My sun sets to rise again.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- At the "Mermaid, " Stanza 10
%%
Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
%%
Have you got a plan, my lord?
Yes I have...and it's so cunning you could brush your teeth with it.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Money
%%
Have you got some reason to want my atoms scattered all over space, boy?
 -- McCoy to Data, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
Have you got your income tax papers yet? They've done away with all those
 silly questions now. There are only three questions on the form:

       1. How much did you earn?

       2. How much do you have left?

       3. Send it in.
 -- Sandy Powell
%%
Have you had your 50,000-lines-read checkup yet?
%%
Have you had your daily echomail fix?
%%
Have you had your reality check today?  Don't worry, it's in the mail.
%%
Have you had your Wheaties today?
%%
Have you heard about "Sophie's Choice" Potato Chips?  They're small, but you
can only take one.
%%
Have you heard about the man who didn't pay for his exorcism?
He got re-possessed!
%%
Have you heard about the new Super Sensitive condoms ?,
they hang about after the man leaves and talk to the woman.
 -- Elayne Boosler.
%%
Have you heard from your brain lately?
%%
Have you heard of the new "morning after" pill being developed as a
 replacement for RU-486?  It's called RU-Pentium.  It causes the embryo to not
 divide correctly.
%%
Have you heard of the upcoming Schizophrenics' Convention in 1992?
 Don't miss it!  Anybody who's everybody will be there!
%%
Have you heard the *bad* News? Cthulhu fhtagn! <-Huh?
%%
Have you heard the one about the rabbi, the goat and Bill Gates?
%%
Have you hugged a Klingon today (and survived)?
%%
Have you hugged an electric fence today?
%%
Have you hugged a porcupine today?
%%
Have you hugged a programmer today?
%%
Have you hugged your chipset today?
%%
Have you hugged your computer lately?
%%
Have you hugged your CPU today?
%%
Have you hugged your dragon today?
%%
Have you hugged your local gynoterrorist today?
%%
Have you hugged your logic probe today?
%%
Have you hugged your modem today?
%%
Have you hugged your motherboard today?
%%
Have you hugged your .sig today?
%%
Have you hugged your smurf today?
%%
Have you hugged your Sysop today?
%%
Have you hugged your Teddy today?
%%
Have you, in fact, got any cheese here at all?
%%
Have You Listened To Rush Limbaugh Today ?.....
%%
Have you lived here all your life?
Oh, twice that long.
%%
Have you lived in this village all your life?
 No, not yet.
%%
Have you locked your file cabinet?
%%
Have you not heard it said full oft,
A woman's nay doth stand for naught?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- The Passionate Pilgrim, xiv
%%
Have you not heard these many years ago
  Jeptha was judge of Israel?
He had one only daughter and no mo,
  The which he loved passing well;
        And as by lott,
        God wot,
        It so came to pass,
        As God's will was.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Jepthah, Judge of Israel
%%
Have you noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone
 going faster than you is a moron.
 -- George Carlin
%%
Have you noticed how many drivers get real mad if they miss you?
%%
Have you noticed how much Ross Perot resembles a Ferengi?
%%
Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a
crack in your sidewalk?
%%
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women
that you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
 -- George Carlin
%%
Have you noticed that your body is playing little tricks on you lately? If
 you are a boy, you may have noticed your legs, face, arms, and chest are
 becoming covered with thick, black hairs and your voice may be beginning to
 sound like a phonograph needle ruining your favorite stack of platters. If
 you are a girl, you may have noticed a painful swelling up here and some
 more funny business going on down there.

 These dramatic changes can mean only one thing: cholera. If you are not
 among the lucky ones, then it simply means you are becoming a young man or
 a young woman, depending on how much fluoride they dumped in your parents'
 drinking water. I know that such changes can often be difficult for growing
 teens, but try to weather the storm and "grin and bear it." There is always
 impotence and menopause.
 -- Doug Kenney
%%
Have you noticed the underground mazes yet?  There are four of them,
one below each island.   If you manage to thread through them, you'll
find a short-cut between the islands.  Also, have you investigated the
cactus and banana tree?  Have you used the fountain of youth?
%%
Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline
sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
 -- Dr. Who
%%
Have you pushed a Ford lately?
%%
Have you read the Penguin Book of Quotations. (I never realised
 penguins had that much to say.)
%%
Have you reconsidered a computer career?
%%
Have your girl call my girl, and let's do lunch Thursday.
 -- Yuppy Speak
%%
Have Your Modem Call My Modem And We'll Do Lunch
%%
Have you roasted a Conservative today?
%%
Have you said "I love you" to your mother lately
%%
Have you said "THANKS" to your Sysop today?
%%
Have you seen my mind? It wandered again. [SIGH]
%%
Have you seen Quasimodo lately?  I have a hunch he's back.
%%
Have YOU seen that GIF of Carol Carmichael?
%%
Have you seen the bridge?
%%
Have you seen the fast-food version of a liquid? A triple-thick shake? You
 need an industrial suction pump to get it up the straw. There's people
 wandering around with bleeding ear holes because they've been sucking too
 hard. Everybody sucks together--the windows of the shop cave in! Big Macs.
 Fast food. Fast food? Why don't you just flush it straight down the toilet
 and cut out the middleman?
 -- Ben Elton
%%
Have you seen the poster child for birth control?  Got a mirror?
%%
Have you sent in a Dumb Coupon today?
%%
Have You Snaged Your SYSOPS Tag Today, Then Snipit
%%
Have you suffered through to Rush Limbaugh today?
%%
Have you summoned your wits from wool-gathering?
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Family of Love, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Have you taunted a Conservative today?
%%
Have you thanked your Sysop lately?
%%
"Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?"
"No..."
"It's the central preoccupation of my life."
 -- Joe vs. the Volcano
%%
Have YOU totaled a Ford ... Lately?
%%
Have you tried 3-way calling & TriModem 1.13?
%%
Have you tried on your smile today?
%%
Have you: Tried the other two spells?  Fed the dragon & gorilla?  Gone
through the gem hall & the ice caverns?  Obtained the bracelet?  Ankh?
amulet?  Amethyst?  Explored *everywhere*?  Remember, the treasures
belong in the observatory.
%%
Have you tried "Warluck" yet?
%%
Have you uploaded clip art today?
%%
Having a beer can't make you pregnant.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Having a beer doesn't make you want to take a shower.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
Having a daughter is like riding a young horse
over an unknown steeplechase course.
You don't know when to pull up the reins,
when to let the horse have the head ... or what.
 -- Princess Grace of Monaco
%%
Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
 -- Martin Mull
%%
Having a good time can be deadly.
%%
Having an honest face is truly a great asset, particularly if you plan to
 make a lifetime occupation out of crime.
%%
Having a party in his head, but no one else is invited.
%%
Having a passionate commitment to social justice does not excuse you
from knowing what in the hell you're talking about.
%%
Having children will turn you into your parents.
%%
Having discovered the possibility that other creatures could be used
for sexual intercourse, early man was likely to have made many such
attempts ... though it is doubtful that he was so sexually carnivorous
as the Christian and Jewish Adam, who, rabbinical interpreters of the
Old Testament tell us, had intercourse with every creature before God
finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve.
 -- R. E. Masters
%%
Having failed to conquer myself, I hope for an alliance.
%%
Having found Truth, I search for Fantasy.
%%
Having high aims in life makes it a bit more possible to shoot yourself in
 the knee, rather than in the foot.
%%
Having lost all sense of direction, we doubled our pace!
%%
Having no security is better than thinking you have security when you don't.
%%
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
%%
Having ovaries does not automatically make you a nice person.
%%
Having problems with DOS??  Call 1-900-WHAAAAA
%%
Having sex with computers results in baby calculators.
%%
Having sex with Rachel is AMAZING. It's like going to a concert, it really
 is. She screams a lot... She throws frisbees around the room... When she
 wants more, she lights a match.
%%
Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.
%%
Having the surname Git is hard for my son Spotty Little Two-faced.
%%
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
 -- Margaret Mead. American anthropologist
%%
Having used 14400 bps, even 9600 bps is slow!
%%
Hawaiians do it volcanicly.
%%
Hawaiian Seduction by Komonawanalaya
%%
Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.  It is IN
the Pacific.  It is a part of the United States that is an island that
is right here.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle,
 -- Hawaii, 4/25/89, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Hawaii is as American as apple poi.
%%
Hawaii is a unique state.  It is a small state.  It is a state that is by
itself. It is a - it is different than the other 49 states. Well, all states
are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle when a woman at a hospital
 -- in Colorado Springs asked Mr. Quayle last week whether Hawaii's
 -- universal health-care plan might serve as a national model.
 -- (reported in the NY Times, 10/7/92 and
 -- the Ft. Wayne Journal Gazette 10/11/92)
%%
"Hawk, we're going to die."
"Never say die...and certainly never say we."
 -- MASH
%%
Hayden: "Jean-Luc, I don't have to tell you the Federation is not
prepared for a
  new sustained conflict.  You *must* preserve the peace, no matter what the
  cost."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
"Hayl, you know an' I know that th' only way in th'
 world we can get that kind o' money is if we found
 a bottle of Coke with a mouse in it."
 -- Randy Quaid explains funding to Pee-Wee Herman on a SNL episode
%%
Hayneedlestack
%%
HBT: Harvest Binary Tree
%%
HBW: Hang Bus and Wait
%%
HCF: Halt and Catch Fire
%%
:HCF: /H-C-F/ n. Mnemonic for `Halt and Catch Fire', any of
   several undocumented and semi-mythical machine instructions with
   destructive side-effects, supposedly included for test purposes on
   several well-known architectures going as far back as the IBM 360.
   The MC6800 microprocessor was the first for which an HCF opcode
   became widely known.  This instruction caused the processor to
   {toggle} a subset of the bus lines as rapidly as it could; in
   some configurations this could actually cause lines to burn
   up.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HCFI: Halt and Catch Fire Immediate
%%
HCP     Hide Central Processor [makes virtual CPU's act like virtual memories]
%%
HCRS: Hang in CRitical Section
%%
HD Crash: (P)anic, (S)uicide, (K)ill bystanders?
%%
HD failure: (A)bort (R)etry (N)egotiate (C)ry
%%
HD FAILURE: C)old Boot W)arm Boot S)teel-toe Boot?
%%
HDH: Hi Dee Ho
%%
HDO: Halt and Disable Operator
%%
HD Recovery: see online documentation....
%%
HDRW: Halt and Display Random Word
%%
"Headache?"
"No thanks, I've already got one."
 -- The Fusco Brothers
%%
Headaches are all in your mind!
%%
Headbanger       a human hammer!
%%
Head cheese - it isn't just for breakfast anymore.
%%
Head Cleaner - rotary brillo pad.
%%
Head Crash - what your crash helmet is for.
%%
heading: going to the latrine.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Head in the clouds, feet in a cowpie.
%%
headlamp: lantern left shining at night to mark a latrine.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Head Lettuce.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Head of Security: Barb Dwyer
%%
He adorned whatever subject he either spoke or wrote upon, by the
most splendid eloquence.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Character of Bolingbroke
%%
Head over flukes.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
:heads down: [Sun] adj. Concentrating, usually so heavily and for
   so long that everything outside the focus area is missed.  See also
   {hack mode} and {larval stage}, although this mode is hardly
   confined to fledgling hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Heads I win... DITTO tails.
%%
Heads, up Boise! Incoming spuds!
%%
Headware Hayes:  For the net.junkie in your life.
%%
Headweasels: the pompous, arrogant, etc, maitre d's who ruin a meal.
%%
He ain't heavy;  he's a Shareware Author.
%%
Healed Head Bad, Bleeding Head Good!
%%
He alludes to the appearance of a face in the orb of the moon.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Epicurus, xxv
%%
He alone is an acute observer who can observe minutely without being observed.
 -- Lavater
%%
Health and cheerfulness mutually beget each other.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
Health Care, Crime, Welfare Reform, Lobbyist Control, all lose to O.J.
%%
Healthcare Virus: Tests system, finds nothing wrong, bills you $4,500.
%%
Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
Heal the past, live the present, dream the future...
%%
Health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of,--a blessing
that money cannot buy.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 21
%%
Health is the vital principle of bliss,
And exercise, of health.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Castle of Indolence, Canto ii, Stanza 55
%%
HEALTH: Never go to the hospital or visit a doctor.
If you have a stroke, keep drinking and act like you
prefer to use only one side of your body. If you cut
off a limb while using a power tool-so what? That's
why there's duct tape and staple guns.
If someone tries to drive you to the hospital after
a heart attack or maiming, punch him in the throat.
(Optional retorts: "Drive This!" or "Fuck you!" or
"Shut the fuck up!")
 -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?"
%%
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
 of nothing.
 -- Redd Foxx
%%
HEALTH TIP #1: Never Agree to Trading Stools in a Gay Bar!
%%
HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its
 Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
%%
Healthy mindedness is inadequate as a philosophical doctrine, because
the evil facts which it refuses postively to account for are a genuine
portion of reality; and they may after all be the best key to life's
significance..
 -- William James
%%
He always looked a given horse in the mouth.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. xi
%%
He always talks like that. Sometimes, I think he can't help it.
%%
Heap coals of fire upon his head.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxv, 22
%%
Hear about the Quebec bra?  Lifts *and* separates?
%%
Hear about the two maggots making love in Dead Ernest?
%%
Heard about the <ethnic> who couldn't spell?
He spent the night in a warehouse.
%%
Heard about the new book from Helen Keller?  Around the block in eighty
 days.
%%
 Heard a lot of talk about this Jesus
     A man of love, a man of strength
    But what a man was two thousand years ago
    Means nothing at all to me today.
 -- Operation Spirit, Live
%%
Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
  Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on,--
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,
  Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Ode on a Grecian Urn
%%
Heard on A. Centauri, 2361:  So you're from Earth!  Do you know ----?
%%
Heard so oft
In worst extremes, and on the perilous edge
Of battle.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 275
%%
"Heard you were moving your piano, so I cam over to help."
"Thanks.  Got it upstairs already."
"Do it alone?"
"Nope. Hitched the cat to it."
"How would that help?"
"Used a whip."
%%
Hear, hear!  Well spoken, Bruce!
%%
Hearkners, we say, seldom hear good of themselves.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Ecclesiastes vii
%%
Hear me, my chiefs!  I am tired.  My heart is sick and sad.  From
where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.
 -- Chief Joseph on his surrender to Gen. Howard, October 5, 1877
%%
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil....there goes the TV....
%%
Hear no ill of a friend, nor speak any of an enemy.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Hear one side, and you will be in the dark; Hear both sides, and
all will be in the clear.
 -- Haliburton
%%
Hear reason, or she'll make you feel her.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
He arrests him on it;
And follows close the rigour of the statute,
To make him an example.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Hearsay:  What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
%%
HEARSE, n.  Death's baby-carriage.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:heartbeat: n. 1. The signal emitted by a Level 2 Ethernet
   transceiver at the end of every packet to show that the
   collision-detection circuit is still connected.  2. A periodic
   synchronization signal used by software or hardware, such as a bus
   clock or a periodic interrupt.  3. The `natural' oscillation
   frequency of a computer's clock crystal, before frequency division
   down to the machine's clock rate.  4. A signal emitted at regular
   intervals by software to demonstrate that it is still alive.
   Sometimes hardware is designed to reboot the machine if it stops
   hearing a heartbeat.  See also {breath-of-life packet}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
 ("Heartbreak Hotel":)
 I just left home baby, I'll be out fer a spell,
 And if you don't leave a message baby, you can go to BEEP
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
HEART, n.  An automatic, muscular blood-pump.  Figuratively, this
useful organ is said to be the esat of emotions and sentiments -- a
very pretty fancy which, however, is nothing but a survival of a once
universal belief.  It is now known that the sentiments and emotions
reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of
the gastric fluid.  The exact process by which a beefsteak becomes a
feeling -- tender or not, according to the age of the animal from
which it was cut; the successive stages of elaboration through which a
caviar sandwich is transmuted to a quaint fancy and reappears as a
pungent epigram; the marvelous functional methods of converting a
hard-boiled egg into religious contrition, or a cream-puff into a sigh
of sensibility -- these things have been patiently ascertained by M.
Pasteur, and by him expounded with convincing lucidity.  (See, also,
my monograph, _The Essential Identity of the Spiritual Affections and
Certain Intestinal Gases Freed in Digestion_ -- 4to, 687 pp.)  In a
scientific work entitled, I believe, _Delectatio Demonorum_ (John
Camden Hotton, London, 1873) this view of the sentiments receives a
striking illustration; and for further light consult Professor Dam's
famous treatise on _Love as a Product of Alimentary Maceration_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Heart on her lips, and soul within her eyes,
Soft as her clime, and sunny as her skies.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Beppo, Stanza 45
%%
Hearts of oak are our ships,
Hearts of oak are our men.
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- Hearts of Oak
%%
Hear twice before you speak once.
%%
Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go
outdoors.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
Hear ye not the hum
Of mighty workings?
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Addressed to Haydon, Sonnet x
%%
Hear you this Triton of the minnows? Mark you
His absolute "shall"?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Heat expands: in the summer the days are longer.
%%
Heather Chandler's dying words: Corn nuts!
%%
Heather: Get drunk and tip cows.
%%
Heather to her 2 mommies: "Why do I have only 1 navel?"
%%
'Heather, why are you such a megabitch ?'
'Because I can be.'
 -- Heathers
%%
Heating with wood, you get warm twice:  Once chopping it, and once stacking it.
%%
"Heat, ma'am!" I said; "it was so dreadful here, that I found there
was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones."
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 267
%%
HEAT, n.
    Heat, says Professor Tyndall, is a mode
        Of motion, but I know now how he's proving
    His point; but this I know -- hot words bestowed
        With skill will set the human fist a-moving,
    And where it stops the stars burn free and wild.
    _Crede expertum_ -- I have seen them, child.
                                                          Gorton Swope
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot
That it do singe yourself.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Heat produced by pressure expands to fill the mind available, from
which it can pass only to a cooler mind.
 -- C. Northcote Parkinson
%%
:heatseeker: [IBM] n. A customer who can be relied upon to buy,
   without fail, the latest version of an existing product (not quite
   the same as a member of the {lunatic fringe}).  A 1993 example of a
   heatseeker is someone who, owning a 286 PC and Windows 3.0, goes
   out and buys Windows 3.1 (which offers no worthwhile benefits
   unless you have a 386).  If all customers were heatseekers, vast
   amounts of money could be made by just fixing the bugs in each
   release (n) and selling it to them as release (n+1).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Heav'd on Olympus tott'ring Ossa stood;
On Ossa, Pelion nods with all his wood.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 387
%%
Heave Ho - Bruins Blow!
%%
Heave Ho - GO HABS GO!
%%
Heave Ho - Rangers Blow!
%%
Heaven allows glimpses only to those at a distance.
%%
Heaven can wait.
%%
Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over..
%%
Heaven (eternal life) is a free gift -- based on God's grace!
%%
Heaven first taught letters for some wretch's aid,
Some banish'd lover, or some captive maid.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Line 51
%%
Heaven from all creatures hides the book of Fate,
All but the page prescrib'd, their present state.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 77
%%
Heaven gives its favourites--early death.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 102
%%
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit,
you would stay out and your dog would go in.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- The Mourning Bride, Act iii, Sc. 8
%%
Heaven hath no spam...
%%
Heaven hears and pities hapless men like me,
For sacred ev'n to gods is misery.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book v, Line 572
%%
Heaven Holds a Place for Those who Prey
%%
Heaven is above all yet; there sits a judge that no king can corrupt.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
    Heaven is: an American salary, an English house, a Chinese cook, and a
Japanese wife.
    Hell is: a Chinese salary, a Japanese house, an English cook, and an
American wife.
 -- Peter Kegelman
%%
Heaven is down. Hell is up.
This is proven by the fact
that the planets and stars
are orderly in their
movements,
while down on earth
we come close to the
primal chaos.
There are four other
proofs,
but I forget them.
 -- Josh the Dill, King Kong Kabal
%%
Heaven is not always angry when he strikes,
But most chastises those whom most he likes.
 -- John Pomfret (1667-1703)
 -- Verses to his Friend under Affliction
%%
Heaven lies about us in our infancy.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Heaven, n.: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with
talk of their
personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your
own.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Heaven needs no press agent because it has no competition, but sin
is competitive.
%%
Heaven open'd wide
Her ever during gates, harmonious sound,
On golden hinges moving.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vii, Line 205
%%
Heaven or hell?  Don't matter.  You'll go thru Atlanta.
%%
Heaven's gates ate not so highly arch'd as princes' palaces; they
that enter there must go upon their knees.
 -- Webster
%%
Heaven's help is better than early rising.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxiv
%%
Heaven's Sovereign saves all beings but himself
That hideous sight,--a naked human heart.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iii, Line 226
%%
Heaven wheels above you
Displaying to you eternal glories
And still your eyes are on the ground.
 -- Dante
%%
Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.
 -- Lord Kelvin, Royal Society President, 1895
%%
Heav'n but the Vision of fulfill'd Desire,
And Hell the Shadow of a Soul on fire.
 -- Omar Khayyam (died c.1133)
 -- Rubaiyat, Stanza lxvii
%%
Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
%%
:heavy metal: [Cambridge] n. Syn. {big iron}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Heavy petting leads to a happy puppy.
%%
Heavy the sorrow that bows the head
When love is alive and hope is dead.
 -- W. S. Gilbert
%%
:heavyweight: adj. High-overhead; {baroque}; code-intensive;
   featureful, but costly.  Esp. used of communication protocols,
   language designs, and any sort of implementation in which maximum
   generality and/or ease of implementation has been pushed at the
   expense of mundane considerations such as speed, memory
   utilization, and startup time.  {EMACS} is a heavyweight editor;
   {X} is an *extremely* heavyweight window system.  This term
   isn't pejorative, but one hacker's heavyweight is another's
   {elephantine} and a third's {monstrosity}.  Oppose
   `lightweight'.  Usage: now borders on techspeak, especially in
   the compound `heavyweight process'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:heavy wizardry: n. Code or designs that trade on a particularly
   intimate knowledge or experience of a particular operating system
   or language or complex application interface.  Distinguished from
   {deep magic}, which trades more on arcane *theoretical*
   knowledge.  Writing device drivers is heavy wizardry; so is
   interfacing to {X} (sense 2) without a toolkit.  Esp. found in
   source-code comments of the form "Heavy wizardry begins here".
   Compare {voodoo programming}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
He: Baby, drinking makes you beautiful. She: I don't drink. He: I do.
%%
He became mellow before he became ripe.
 -- Alexander Woolcott
%%
He bellows like a cow standing on her tit.
%%
He best can paint them who shall feel them most.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Last line
%%
He bids fair to grow wise who has discovered that he is not so.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 598
%%
HEBREW, n.  A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an
altogether superior creation.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HEBREW - the **MANLY** beer!
%%
He buy me a soda... he buy me a soda and tried to molest me in the
parking lot, yep yep yep yep
%%
He calls drunkenness an expression identical with ruin.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pythagoras, vi
%%
He came so close that you have been badly burned. You won't
be be able to carry as much as before!
%%
He came up to my table, he goes, "Hey, darling, you're okay in my book."
 Yeah. Apparently not a best-seller. He wouldn't let up either. He took my
 glasses off and he said, "Without your glasses, why, you're beautiful." I
 said, "Without my glasses, you're not half bad either."
 -- Kit Hollerbach
%%
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
He can get into a stew faster than an oyster.
%%
He can recall the score of the Army-Navy game of '54, the electoral votes
 the Republicans won in the last election, and the gas mileage of the first
 car he ever owned. But he can't remember what size socks he wears, the ages
 of his children, or the name of that old Cole Porter number that his wife
 refers to as "our" song.
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
He can remember the night he lost his innocence in the back seat of the
 family car. It would have been even more memorable if he hadn't been alone.
 -- Red Buttons
%%
He can't be a man cause he does not smoke the same cigarettes as me.
%%
He ceas'd; but left so pleasing on their ear
His voice, that list'ning still they seem'd to hear.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiii, Line 1
%%
He cheated.
I changed the conditions of the test; got a commendation for
original thinking!
 -- David and Kirk, "The Wrath of Khan,"  stardate 8130.3.
%%
"Heck, I could beat Eleminster ANYDAY!"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Heck I reckon you wouldn't even be human if you didn't have some pretty
 strong feelings about nuclear war.
 -- Major Kong, from Dr. Strangelove
%%
Heck is a place for people who don't believe in Gosh.
%%
Heck no I ain't broke, Just badly bent.
%%
He comes not in my books.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Widow, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
He cometh unto you with a tale which holdeth children from play, and
old men from the chimney-corner.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Defence of Poesy
%%
He compares your nastiness to that of a man who rises in the morning and finds
that the shoe he has just put his foot in has been used the night before as a
chamber pot.
%%
He conquers who endures.
 -- Perseus
%%
He coude songes make, and wel endite.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 95
%%
He could be a poster child for retroactive birth control.
%%
He declared that he knew nothing, except the fact of his ignorance.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Socrates, xvi
%%
" 'He deserves death'.
  'Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that
die deserve life. Can you give it to them ? Then do not be too eager to deal
out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.' "
 -- J. R. R. Tolkien - The Lord of the Rings
%%
He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh.
 -- The Koran
%%
Hedgehogs do it cautiously.
%%
He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental effort,
he could probably turn the activity into an acceptable perversion.
 -- Mick Farren, _When Gravity Fails_
%%
He did not care a button for it.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book ii, Chap. xvi
%%
    He did not mean to be cruel.  If anybody had called him
so, he would have resented it extremely.  He would have said
that what he did was done entirely for the good of the
country.  But he was a man who had always been accustomed to
consider himself first and foremost, believing that whatever
he wanted was sure to be right, and therefore he ought to have
it.  So he tried to get it, and got it too, as people like him
very often do.  Whether they enjoy it when they have it is
another question.
 -- Dinah Craik, The Little Lame Prince
%%
He didn't drop the bat.  It fell out of his hand.
%%
He Didn't Like Her Apartment, So He Knocked Her Flat.
 -- Homer Haynes
%%
He didn't really say THAT! Did he????
%%
He didn't run for reelection.    `Politics brings you into contact with all the
 people you'd give anything to avoid,' he said. `I'm staying home.'
 -- Garrison Keillor, _Lake_Wobegone_Days_
%%
He died a hero's death, dying so his friends might live...
...And that his enemies might have something to go with their potatoes.
 -- Percy and Edmund : Potato
%%
He dies, and makes no sign.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Hedley W. Donovan, Editor-in-Chief, Time Magazine, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
"He'd make a fine addition to the team, Batman... if only he wasn't so lacking
 in energy and enthusiasm."
  "We'll have to get him to work on that."
 -- 24th century manners, courtesy of THE JUSTICE LEAGUE
%%
He'd need a hole in the ground to shrink to his normal proportions.
%%
He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
He does not believe that does not live according to his belief.
%%
He does not seem to me to be a free man
who does not sometimes do nothing.
 -- Cicero
%%
He doesn't inhale but he sure sucks.
%%
"He doesn't know when he's beaten, this boy.  He doesn't know when
he's winning either.  He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus
known to man."
 -- Monty Python
%%
He doesn't like me.  HE NEVER LIKED ME!
%%
HE doesn't work, but he's pretty ugly.
%%
He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
%%
He does TOO have to shoot me now! SO SHOOT ME NOW! <BLAM<
%%
..  he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hedonist for hire - No job too easy!
%%
He don't know me vewy well, DO he?
 -- Bugs Bunny
%%
He doth nothing but talk of his horse; and he makes it a great appropriation
to his own good parts, that he can shoe himself.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of
his argument.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
He either fears his fate too much,
  Or his deserts are small,
That dares not put it to the touch
  To gain or lose it all.
 -- Marquis of Montrose (1612-1650)
 -- My Dear and only Love
%%
Hee must have a long spoone, shall eat with the devill.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
"He even looks like God... except his hands are in his pockets."
  "They should be, he's got four dead Presidents in 'em."
 -- Albert Finny and a forgotten actress in "Wolfen"
%%
He experienced that nervous agitation to which brave men as well
as cowards are subject; with this difference, that the one sinks
under it, like the vine under the hailstorm, and the other collects
his energies to shake it off, as the cedar of Lebanon is said to
elevate its boughs to disperse the show which accumulates upon them.
 -- Sir Walter Scott
%%
He fashioneth their hearts alike.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxiii, 15
%%
He fell into a vat of pudding mixture and was found battered to death.
 -- Kenneth Horne
%%
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
%%
He first deceased; she for a little tried
To live without him, liked it not, and died.
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- Upon the Death of Sir Albert Morton's Wife
%%
He freshly and cheerfully asked him how a man should kill time.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. lxii
%%
He from whose lips divine persuasion flows.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vii, Line 143
%%
He gave his honours to the world again,
His blessed part to heaven, and slept in peace.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
He gave his life for tourism.
%%
He gave his life in an attempt to save others.  Not the worst way to go.
 -- Kirk, "The Doomsday Machine," stardate 4202.9
%%
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can
never learn anything from history.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
He gets lost on random walks.
%%
He gets on best with women who has learned to get on without them.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
He gets through too late who goes too fast.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 767
%%
He gives twice who gives quickly.
 -- Latin proverb
%%
He gives us the very quintessence of perception,--the clearly crystalized
precipitation of all that is most precious in the ferment of impression
after the impertinent and obtrusive particulars have evaporated from
the memory.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Coleridge
%%
He giveth his beloved sleep.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxvii, 2
%%
"He goes on about the wailing and gnashing of teeth.  It comes in one
 verse after another, and it is quite manifest to the reader that there
 is a certain pleasure in contemplating the wailing and gnashing of
 teeth, or else it would not occur so often."
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967), "Why I Am Not a Christian"
%%
He got the upside, I got the downside.
%%
He grew up in Washington, D.C., and he's the son of a wealthy U.S.  Senator...
He went to the most expensive private schools in Washington, D.C., and I'm
the product of the public schools...  I'm at a big disadvantage, but we'll
do all right.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle while in Detroit, 9/30/92
                   A spokesman later said that he was joking.
                   (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer 10/1/92):
%%
He had a deep voice. A big deep booming voice.
..So quite like mine, then.
No, my lord, a _big, deep, booming_ voice...
 -- Ploppy and Edmund : Head
%%
He had a long-dogma look.
%%
He had a lot of trouble in geometry, he thought the thing opposite
the right angle in a right-angled triangle was a hippopotamus.
%%
He had an awful dizzy spell. He dropped a dime in a revolving door and it
 took him five minutes to find it.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out
of cucumbers, which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed,
and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Gulliver's Travels, Part iii, Chap. v, Voyage to Laputa
%%
. . He had by now divested himself of schoolboy attitudes. He was
unburdened by the desire to be a martyr or a hero. Any thoughts in that
direction, Belgica effectively had quashed. Heroism in the corrupt sense of
the age almost by definition, meant wanton self-sacrifice and bungling. For
neither had he any taste. He wanted rational attainment; victory, but not
at any price. No point upon the globe was worth the cost of a single life.
 -- Roland Huntford, SCOTT and AMUNDSEN The Race to The South Pole
 -- referring to polar explorer Roald Amundsen.
%%
He had done as much for the image of our sport as Cyril Smith would
 for handgliding.
%%
...He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup
filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.  The
way it functioned was very interesting.  When the DRINK button was pressed it
made an instant but highly detailed examination of the subject's taste buds, a
spectroscopic analysis of the subject's metabolism and then sent tiny
experimental signals down the neural pathways to the taste centers of the
subject's brain to see what was likely to go down well.  However, no one knew
quite why it did this because it invariably delivered a cupful of liquid that
was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.  The Nutri-Matic was designed
and manufactured by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation whose complaints
department now covers all the major landmasses of the first three planets in
the Sirius Tau Star system.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
He had heard that one is permitted a certain latitude with widows,
 and went in for the whole 180 degrees.
%%
He had kept
The whiteness of his soul, and thus men o'er him wept.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 57
%%
"He had studied at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where he had
learned to write equations of the most abstruse kind, without as much
as a tremble of the chalk.
 -- Isaac Asimov "More Things in Heaven and Earth"
%%
He had talents equal to business, and aspired no higher.
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD)
 -- Annales, vi, 39, 17
%%
He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild
and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned
all hope of ever behaving "normally."
 -- Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist
 -- Fear and Loathing '72
%%
He [Hampden] had a head to contrive, a tongue to persuade, and a hand
to execute any mischief.
 -- Edward Hyde Clarendon (1608-1674)
 -- History of the Rebellion, Vol. iii, Book vii, Section 84
%%
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much.
 -- Bessie Stanley
%%
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved
much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of
intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his
niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he
found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued
soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to
express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them
the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory is a
benediction.
 -- Bessie A. Stanley (b.1879), in Notes and Queries July 1976
%%
He has a mind like a steel trap.  Some day it'll snap shut and swallow
his face.
%%
He has an oar in every man's boat, and a finger in every pie.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxii
%%
He has a splendid repertoire of 500 words.  Why does he insist
on using only 150?
 -- Abba Eban
%%
He has a train of thought.  You have a tricycle...
%%
He has done like Orbaneja, the painter of Ubeda, who, being asked
what he painted, answered, "As it may hit;" and when he had scrawled
out a misshapen cock, was forced to write underneath, in Gothic letters,
"This is a cock."
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. iii
%%
He has half the deed done who has made a beginning.
 -- Horace
%%
He has, I know not what, of greatness in his looks, and of high fate,
that almost awes me.
 -- John Dryden
%%
He has not acquired fortune; fortune has acquired him.
 -- Bion
%%
He hasn't a single redeeming vice.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
He has one reliable flaw -- loyalty.
 -- Travis (on Blake)
%%
He has paid dear, very dear, for his whistle.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- The Whistle, November, 1779
%%
He has singed the beard of the king of Spain.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Dutch Picture
%%
He has spent all his life in letting down empty buckets into empty
wells; and he is frittering away his age in trying to draw them up
again.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 259
%%
He has the right to meet death awake.
"Is that a male perspective?"
Rubbish.
 -- Picard and Dr. Crusher, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
He has too many lice to feel an itch.
%%
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
%%
He hated to set precedents; those who did so were sometimes promoted,
more frequently they joined their ancestors.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
He hath a daily beauty in his life.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
He hath a tear for pity, and a hand
Open as day for melting charity.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
He hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Timothy v, 8
%%
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
He hath indeed better bettered expectation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
He hath never fed of the dainties that are bred in a book; he hath
not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
He hath out-villained villainy so far, that the rarity redeems him.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
He hath riches sufficient, who hath enough to be charitable.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne
%%
He heapeth up riches, and knoweth not
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxix, 6
%%
He heard she was stuck up and asked how much they got.
%%
Hehehehe, 2400 baud sucks!  V.bis and Baudhead.
%%
Hehehmhmhehmhehmhehm, 2400 baud SUCKS !
 -- Beavis & Butthead
%%
He helde about him alway, out of drede,
A world of folke.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Troilus and Creseide, Book iii, Line 1721
%%
He held his seat,--a friend to human race.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vi, Line 18
%%
He helps others most, who shows them how to help themselves.
 -- A. P. Gouthey
%%
Heh heh heh.
%%
Heh, heh.  Those darn ninjas. They're *wacky*.
 -- The Tick
%%
Heh, heh. You betcha.
 -- Newton Ames (on behalf of the Monolithic Oil Cor
%%
He imagined the past and remembered the future.
 -- Eugene McCarthy, on Ronald Wilson Reagan
%%
He, in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have
 ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him.
 -- Henry Fielding, "Jonathan Wild"
%%
Heinz does it with great relish.
%%
"He is a big clog in their machine."
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
He is a fool who lets slip a bird in the hand for a bird in the bush.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Garrulity
%%
He is a legend in his own mind.
 -- Ron Randall
%%
He is almost a statesman.  He lies well.
%%
He is a person for whom death would be becoming.
%%
He is as like one, as one egg is like another.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxvii
%%
He is as mad as a March hare.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
He is a sorcerer, this one!
 -- Romulan commander
%%
He is at no end of his actions blest
Whose ends will make him greatest, and not best.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Tragedy of Charles, Duke of Byron, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
He is bound by his wealth...his money owns him rather than he owns it.
%%
He is brought as a lamb to the slaughter.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah liii, 7
%%
He is come to open
The purple testament of bleeding war.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words.
%%
Heisenberg may have been here, but it is uncertain.
%%
Heisenberg may have been right.
%%
Heisenberg may have done it.
%%
Heisenberg may have slept here.
%%
Heisenberg might have done it.
%%
Heisenberg slept here, unless you look, in which case not.
%%
Heisenberg was wrong, I know exactly where I am and where I'm going.
 -- Einstein
%%
:heisenbug: /hi:'zen-buhg/ [from Heisenberg's Uncertainty
   Principle in quantum physics] n. A bug that disappears or alters
   its behavior when one attempts to probe or isolate it.  (This usage
   is not even particularly fanciful; the use of a debugger sometimes
   alters a program's operating environment significantly enough that
   buggy code, such as that which relies on the values of
   uninitialized memory, behaves quite differently.)  Antonym of
   {Bohr bug}; see also {mandelbug}, {schroedinbug}.  In C,
   nine out of ten heisenbugs result from uninitialized auto
   variables, {fandango on core} phenomena (esp. lossage related
   to corruption of the malloc {arena}) or errors that {smash
   the stack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Heisenburg probably rules.
%%
He is happiest who hath power to gather wisdom from a flower.
 -- Mary Howitt
%%
He is insane, you are ecentric, I have an interesting personality...
%%
He is nearest to the gods who knows how to be silent.
 -- Marcus Porcius Cato (234-149 BC), attributed
%%
He is never less at leisure than when at leisure.
 -- Cicero (106-43 BC)
 -- De Officiis, iii, 1
%%
He is no dummy. He is my programmer!
%%
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
%%
He is not a lover who does not love forever.
 -- Euripides
%%
He is not only dull within, but causes dullness without.
%%
He is NOT politically correct.
 -- Why Kirk is better
%%
He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
He is of a very melancholy disposition.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death
 -- H. H. Munro (1870-1916)
%%
He is one of those wise philanthropists who in a time of famine would
vote for nothing but a supply of toothpicks.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- Douglas Jerrold's Wit
%%
He is only fantastical that is not in fashion.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 3
%%
He is poor whose expenses exceeds his income.
 -- La Bruyere
%%
He is running for Congress ... Do you know why he will be elected? Because
 all the gun owners will vote for him. Why will they vote for him? Because
 he is against any new law which will require registration of firearms. He
 claims that if there is a war, we might be invaded by Communists. And we
 will all need guns. With nuts like that in Congress, it could happen.
 -- Larry Siegel
%%
He is smart. He can make us go. We need him.
 -- Reginod, "Samaritan Snare", stardate 42779.1
%%
He is so unlucky that he runs into accidents which started out to happen to
 somebody else.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
He is the encyclopedia of facts. The creation of a thousand forests
is in one acorn; and Egypt, Greece, Rome, Gaul, Britain, America,
lie folded already in the first man.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
He is the freeman whom the truth makes free.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book v, The Winter Morning Walk, Line 733
%%
He is the half part of a blessed man,
Left to be finished by such as she;
And she a fair divided excellence,
Whose fulness of perfection lies in him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
He is the MELBA-BEING...  the ANGEL CAKE...
  XEROX him...  XEROX him --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
He is the most sensible looking man talking nonsense.
%%
He is the most wretched of men who has never felt adversity.
%%
"He is the Napoleon of Crime, Watson..."
 -- Sherlock Holmes in "The Final Problem"
%%
He is the very pine-apple of politeness!
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 825
%%
He is well paid that is well satisfied.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
"He Just Disappeared" by Otto Site
%%
He just kept rushing through the lovemaking. Which is the part I like, the
 beginning part. Most women are like that. We need time to warm up. Why is
 this hard for you guys to understand? You're the first people to tell us
 not to gun a cold engine. You want us to go from zero to sixty in 5.5.
 We're not built like that. We stall.
 -- Anita Wise
%%
He keeps differentiating.... flying off on a tangent.
%%
He kept him as the apple of his eye.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Deuteronomy xxxii, 10
%%
He [Kippis] might be a very clever man by nature for aught I know,
but he laid so many books upon his head that his brains could not
move.
 -- Robert Hall (1764-1831)
 -- Gregory's Life of Hall
%%
He knew
Himself to sing, and build the lofty rhyme.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 10
%%
He knew the precise psychological moment to say nothing.
%%
He knew what is what.
 -- John Skelton (c. 1460-1529)
 -- Colyn Cloute, Line 1106
%%
He knew what's what, and that's as high As metaphysics wit can fly.
 -- Meta
%%
He knoweth not that the dead are there; and that her guests are in
the depths of hell
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs ix, 18
%%
He knows not his own strength that hath not met adversity.
 -- Ben Jonson
%%
He knows not when to be silent who knows not when to speak.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 930
%%
He laid him squat as a flounder.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. xxvii
%%
He laid his hand upon "the Ocean's mane,"
And played familiar with his hoary locks.
 -- Robert Pollok (1799-1827)
 -- The Course of Time, Book iv, Line 389
%%
        He laughs best who laughs least.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Held Hostage by Italian Terrorists!: Aldo Anything
%%
Held to be a crime when committed by individuals, homicide is called a virtue
when committed by the state.
%%
He learned almost too late that man is a _feeling_ creature...
 -- Mystery Science Theatre 3000
%%
He left a corsair's name to other times,
Link'd with one virtue and a thousand crimes.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto iii, Stanza 24
%%
He left a paper sealed up, wherein were found three articles as his
last will: "I owe much; I have nothing; I give the rest to the poor."
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Motteux's Life
%%
:Helen Keller mode: n. 1. State of a hardware or software system
   that is deaf, dumb, and blind, i.e., accepting no input and
   generating no output, usually due to an infinite loop or some other
   excursion into {deep space}.  (Unfair to the real Helen Keller,
   whose success at learning speech was triumphant.)  See also
   {go flatline}, {catatonic}.  2. On IBM PCs under DOS, refers
   to a specific failure mode in which a screen saver has kicked in
   over an {ill-behaved} application which bypasses the very
   interrupts the screen saver watches for activity.  Your choices are
   to try to get from the program's current state through a successful
   save-and-exit without being able to see what you're doing, or to
   re-boot the machine.  This isn't (strictly speaking) a
   crash.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HE:  Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science. SHE: What??  Science
got enough trouble with their OWN brains.
 -- Walt Kelley
%%
Helga, how many Germans does it take to change a light bulb ?
          Ah, is this the one about the highly-trained quality control
          checkers at the Lowenbrau brewery here in the beautiful city of
          Munich where they have to carefully check that each and every
          stage of the bier brewing process adheres to the Reinheitsgebot
          ancient brewing laws laid down in 1516 which set minimum
          standards for the purity of the ingredients otherwise they'd be
          subject to extremely enormous fines so quality control is a
          very important job both in terms of the quality of all the
          Lowenbrau biers and of course the financial good health of the
          company from the checking of the malted barley with the hops
          not forgetting the pure Bavarian spring water by any chance ?
          What we Germans lack in humour, we make up for in our bier.
%%
HELICOPTER PILOTS do it while hovering.
%%
Helicopter pilots do it with autorotation.
%%
He lies like a hedgehog rolled up the wrong way,
  Tormenting himself with his prickles.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Miss Kilmansegg, Her Dream
%%
He lifted himself up by his own bootstraps.
%%
He likes to flirt, but toward you his intentions are honorable.
%%
He lived his life to the end.
%%
He lives by rule who lives himself to please.
 -- Crabbe
%%
He lives to build, not boast, a generous race;
No tenth transmitter of a foolish face.
 -- Richard Savage (1698-1743)
 -- The Bastard, Line 7
%%
Hell and destruction are never full.
 -- Prov 27:20
%%
Hell from beneath is moved for thee to meet thee at thy coming.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xiv, 9
%%
Hell
Grew darker at their frown.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 719
%%
Hell hath no fury like a backup scorned.
 -- Dan at 5 AM
%%
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
 -- Milton Friedman
%%
Hell hath no fury like a democrat scorned.
%%
Hell hath no fury like an unjustified assumption.
%%
Hell hath no fury like a pacifist.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle.
%%
Hell hath no fury like a woman beaten out of a million dollars.
%%
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
%%
Hell hath no misery like a backup ignored.
%%
Hell Hath No Pizza.
%%
Hell hath no pizza (probably no Thai restaurants, either)
%%
Hell,I even thought I was dead.But I found out I was just in Nebraska.
 -- Little Bill,in Unforgiven
%%
Hell, if you understand everything I said, you'd be me!
 -- Miles Davis
%%
Hell is a city much like London--A populous and smoky city.
 -- PERCY BYSSHE SHELLY, 1819
%%
Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
 -- Robert Frost (1874-1963)
%%
Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are
German, the traffic patterns are Bostonian, and the cooks are English.
%%
Hell is filled with amateur musicians, all playing their ghetto blasters
 louder than the one next to them.
%%
Hell is full of good meanings and wishings.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
Hell is having a 300 baud modem.
%%
Hell is kept warm with profane burners
%%
Hell is not to love anymore.
 -- Georges Bernanos
%%
Hell is other people.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%
Hell is paved with good samaritans.
 -- William M. Holden
%%
Hell is truth seen too late.
 -- H. G. Adams
%%
Hell is volunteering for a PBS Pledge Drive-it's a Barney Marathon :)
%%
Hell knows no fury like a pissed off Sysop.
%%
Hellllllooooooooo, Nurse!
%%
Helllooo, BAAYYbee ... yeah, this is the Big Bopper speakin'
%%
Hell must be full....the damned are in tech support.
%%
HELL:  (n) Backing up a 600Mbyte HD with 360Kbyte floppies
%%
HELL (n): Backing up a 600 meg drive with 360K floppies.
%%
Hello again, Peabody here...
 -- Mister Peabody
%%
 Hello.  All of our operators are busy right now, but if you'll
 leave your name, telephone number, a brief message, and the time
 you called, we'll get back to you as soon as possible.  Thank
 you and have a pleasant day.  (This can dissuade prank and sales
 callers who don't know it's really a private line.)
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous!
 Sam can't come to the phone right now because he's spending the
 week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Hello and welcome to Personality Disorder Theatre.
%%
Hello??  Anyone home??
%%
Hello.  Can I please speak to Will Dicker?
%%
Hello Colin.
%%
hello/ computer support/ my shift key doesn't seem to work. - e.e.cummings
%%
Hello dad...I'm in jail and I LIKE IT here!
%%
Hello?  Enema Bondage?  I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
 Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking.  If you leave
 your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you
 back as soon as I can.  Please note that I answer all prayers,
 but sometimes the answer is NO.  Bless you, my child, and have a
 nice day.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hello everybody, I'm Dan Quayle.
 -- Robert Redford, having grown tired of asking Dan
     Quayle to stop comparing himself to Redford
%%
Hello good evening and welcome, to BLACKMAIL!
%%
Hello, GORRY-O!!  I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hello, he lied.
 -- Don Carpenter quoting a Hollywood agent
%%
Hello, hello, hello ... is there anybody IN there?
 Just nod if you can hear me.  Is there anyone at home?
 Come on, come on, now, I hear you're feeling down.
 But I can ease your pain, get you on your feet again.
 Relax, relax, relax ... I need some information first.
 Just the basic facts, can you show me where it hurts?
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
Hello ... hello ... is there anyone out there??
%%
 Hello.  I can't come to the phone now because -- HEY, GEORGE!
 DON'T STAND ON THAT!  ...Goddamn...  Because I've invited George
 and Barbara Bush over...  (Loud music cuts in:)  BARBARA!  HEY!
 DON'T FUCK WITH THAT!  ...Over for dinner.  After the tone...
 BARBARA, CALL YOUR DOG...  MILLIE!  DOWN GIRL!  ...Shit...
 Leave a message after the tone...
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
Hello.  I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic
 Alaskan females!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hello, I'm a filled polygon.
%%
Hello! I'm a signature virus. Join in the fun and copy me into yours!
%%
Hello! I'm Bounder of Adventure!
%%
Hello, I'm Bucky Goldstein.
%%
 Hello.  I'm David's answering machine.  What are you?
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 Hello.  I'm home right now but cannot find the phone.  Please
 leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Hello--I'm in a superposition of states right now, but
if you'll leave your name and number, I'll get back to you
as soon as my state collapses
 -- Answering machine madness
%%
 Hello, I'm not here right now.  In fact, I'm out getting a new
 parakeet.  If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure
 to get back to you.  Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never
 try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 Hello!  I'm on a four state killing spree!  WATTA YA WANT?
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
Hello, I'm the Doctor, and this is my companion, @N@.
%%
Hello, I must be going.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Hello. Incontinence hotline..can you hold please?
%%
Hello...  IRON CURTAIN?  Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA!
 World War III?  No thanks!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hello, is this Rednecks For Peace?
%%
Hello, is this the party to whom I am speaking?
%%
Hello, Jane speaking.
 -- Jane
%%
Hello Jimmy Swaggart: The devil loves nothing more than the intolerance of
 reformers who do not hear their own words and whose lives reveal a serious
 deafness.
%%
Hello?  Jim Rockford's machine?  This is Larry Dooheany's
machine.  Will you please have your master call my master
at his convenience?  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.
%%
Hello, just in case you were wondering the checks in the mail.  If you
weren't, then tell my wonderful answering machine just what was on your
mind.
%%
Hello.  Just walk along and try NOT to think about your
 INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hello Lal. How are you?
Troi...Admiral...Admiral...An Admiral from Starfleet has come to take
  me away. Troi. I am...scared.
You are scared, aren't you.
I feel it. How is this possible?
I don't know.
This is what it means to feel. This is what...means...feel.
 -- Troi and Lal, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
"Hello, Laughing Academy? Please to send zee Viggy Vagon to..."
  "Richard, please..."
 -- The elastic joker from HERO SANDWICH
%%
Hello Lone Star..
%%
Hello Luser, please wait while I dig the dungeon...
%%
Hello Luser, welcome to hack! Be careful! New moon tonight.
%%
Hello, Microsoft?  Are there any problems with DOS?
%%
Hello, Microsoft?  HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!
%%
Hello Modem Addicts..... Do you have a BBS I can call!
%%
Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my tagline gal!
%%
Hello, my friends. You are here now watching this image of me because I
  have died. It probably happened while I was on duty, and quickly, which
  is what I expected. Never forget I died doing exactly what I wanted to
  do. What I want you to know is how much I loved my life, and those of
  you who shared it with me. You are my family, you all know where I came
  from and what my life was like before. But Starfleet took that
  frightened, angry young girl and tempered her. I have been blessed
  with your friendship, and your love.
 -- Yar, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
%%
Hello. My $NAME is Indigo Montoya. You killed -9 my parent process.
Prepare to vi.
 -- The Unix's Bride
%%
Hello, my name is Indigo Montoya.  You killed my father. Prepare to die.
 -- Indigo, "The Princess Bride", movie
%%
Hello. My name is Oedipus. You are my father. Prepare to die.
%%
Hell on Earth:  Barney and Friends.
%%
HELLOOOOOOO SysOp!
%%
"Hello!  Operator!  Get me the number for 911!"
 -- The Simpsons
%%
 Hello.  (Pause.)  Hello?  (Pause.) Hello!  (Pause.)  No, it
 doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave
 a message or call me back later.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
Hello, Phone Company?  It's about my bill...
%%
:hello, sailor!: interj. Occasional West Coast equivalent of
   {hello, world}; seems to have originated at SAIL, later
   associated with the game {Zork} (which also included "hello,
   aviator" and "hello, implementor").  Originally from the
   traditional hooker's greeting to a swabbie fresh off the boat, of
   course.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hello seeker!  Now don't feel alone here in the New Age, because there's a
 seeker born every minute.
 -- The Firesign Theatre
%%
Hello, Shelly. It's over, baby. I'm coming home.
 -- The Crow.
%%
Hello stranger, who are you?
%%
Hello?  Tap tap tap...  Is this thing on?
%%
 Hello!  This is 1-800-PRESLEY.  Yes!  1-800-PRESLEY!  They say
 the King died 10 years ago, but we know he's still out there
 somewhere.  So...  Leave your name and number and tell us where
 YOU saw Elvis!
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 Hello, this is David.  I don't live here, so if you were trying
 to call me, you've dialed the wrong number.  On the other hand,
 if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your
 name and number at the tone.  I don't guarantee that one of them
 will call you back -- only that I won't.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 Hello, this is Death.  I am not in right now, but if you leave
 your name and number, I'll be right with you.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
Hello, this is Ed McMahon. If you are our preselected...
%%
 Hello, this is Fox FM, you're on the air.
     (or)
 Hello, you're caller number nine!
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Hello, this is God. Whenever I'm in Pittsburgh -- which is all the time,
since I'm omnipresent -- I listen to all the radio stations at once, including
WRCT.
 -- Radio advertisement for WRCT Radio
%%
 Hello, this is Jason's voice.  Jason's not here right now --
 hey, haven't you ever lost YOUR voice?  Well, believe you me,
 when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him.
 If you do too, leave them after the beep.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
 Hello, this is Jim.  Unfortunately I can't answer the phone
 right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and
 I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the
 phone right now, the resulting energy release would make
 Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker.  So leave a message at
 the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component
 particles have been restored to their normal charges.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
 Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that
 yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life.
 After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other,
 informative message.  Thanks.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
 Hello.  This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and private telephone
 number of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of
 the Supreme Council of the glorious Communist Party of the Union
 of Sovjet Socialist Republics, Commander-In-Chief of the
 Combined Armies of the Proletariat Peoples of Russia, First
 Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the Soviet
 Institute of Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the
 Soviet People's Council of Peace and Happiness and Captain of
 the Kremlin B Squash Team.  But hey, call me Mike.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
 Hello, this is Rip van Winkle.  I'm not awake to take your call
 right now.  Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
 Hello, this is Ron.  I'm not home right now, but I can take a
 message.  Hang on a second while I get a pencil.  (Open a drawer
 and shuffle stuff around.)  OK, what would you like me to tell
 me?
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 Hello.  This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO
 depressed.  I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner,
 but all I get to do is answer the phone.  Life.  Don't talk to
 me about life.  Just leave your name and number after the beep.
 Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery
 sounding.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 Hello, this is Sally's microwave.  Her answering machine just
 eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls.  Say,
 if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just
 hold it up to the phone.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 Hello, this is the Brown residence.  We're in the middle of a
 family fight right now.  Leave your name and number at the beep
 and whoever wins will call you right back.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
 Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of
 Portland, Oregon.  We can't take your call at the moment, but we
 would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works
 in progress.  BEEP
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
 Hello, this is your local zoo.  Do you like animals?  We are
 experiencing severe problems with hot water.  Would you be so
 kind as to allow us to bring our elephants over to your bathroom
 for a shower?  (The most common response:  "Well, sure, but my
 neighbor's bathroom is bigger and better equipped to handle
 elephants.")
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Hello to married men I've known.
 I'll soon have a wife and leave yours alone.
 -- Charlie, singing Go Home With Bonnie Jean, in
         Lerner's and Lowe's Brigadoon
%%
Hello?...   What?...  Yes, Jeff...  Flame them.
 -- phone conversation overheard in Peter da Silva's office
%%
Hello World !!
%%
"Hello, World!" 17 Errors, 31 Warnings....
%%
:hello, world: interj. 1. The canonical minimal test message in the
   C/UNIX universe.  2. Any of the minimal programs that emit this
   message.  Traditionally, the first program a C coder is supposed to
   write in a new environment is one that just prints "hello, world"
   to standard output (and indeed it is the first example program
   in {K&R}).  Environments that generate an unreasonably large
   executable for this trivial test or which require a {hairy}
   compiler-linker invocation to generate it are considered to
   {lose} (see {X}).  3. Greeting uttered by a hacker making an
   entrance or requesting information from anyone present.  "Hello,
   world!  Is the {VAX} back up yet?"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
 Hello...  Yes, I'd like to order two medium pepperoni pizzas
 please, with extra cheese...  Oh, did I get the wrong number?
 Sorry about that.  (Click.)
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 Hello.  You are talking to a machine.  I am capable of receiving
 messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub,
 and their carpets are clean.  They give to charity through the
 office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with
 me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 Hello, you have reached dial an unpopular luncheon meat, I am
 pimento loaf, leave me a message.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 Hello, you have reached the DOE, that is, the Department Of
 Enemies.  Rick Burger is not here right now, so leave a message
 saying who you are, what you want to argue about, and where
 you'll be, and I'll be there.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 Hello, you've reached 344-1312, the Apartment at the End of the
 Universe.  Please leave your message, name and number at the
 sound of the tone.  Keep your hands, feet, extremities, and
 obscenities inside the car at all times.  Enjoy your ride.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
 Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.  We can't pick up the phone
 right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy.  Sonya
 likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...
 real slowly.  So leave a message, and when we're done brushing
 our teeth we'll get back to you.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
Hell's afloat in lover's tears.
 -- Attributed to Dorothy Parker
%%
He'll sit here and he'll say, "Do this!  Do that!"  And nothing will happen.
 -- Harry S. Truman, on presidential power
%%
Hell's just had bad P.R. now where's my 1000 suntan block
%%
"Hell's not so bad, as long as you don't mind eating at Arby's."
 -- Nick Bonesteel
%%
Hell, we don't even drive trucks anymore. We drive
simple little Japanese cars with air bags. In the old
days we used to rip out the seat belts and fly through
the windshield ready for action. "Thrown from the
car." Remember that phrase in accident reports?
Always the sign of a very macho driver.
 -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?"
%%
HELL WITH JUSTICE, LYNCH THE @#$%^&!
%%
Hell with Pascal and C.  I am a QuickBasic Snob.
%%
Hell with the lid off...BYTE BROTHERS!
%%
Hell, yes I'm drunk! I'm no stunt driver!
 -- Seen on the back of a Ford Laser
%%
Helmsman, USS Crazy Horse
%%
He looked at me at though I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.
%%
He looks good ... mighty good!
 -- Mr. Horse
%%
He looks good with a ripped shirt.
 -- Why Kirk is better
%%
He looks like the first husband of a widow.
%%
Help A Derelict Democrat Get A New Job On Nov 12
%%
Help Al Gore buy a clue.
%%
Help ALL SysOps save $$$$$$, Route Your Posts.
%%
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
 remember you when he is in trouble again.
%%
Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
%%
Help Bill Clinton buy a clue.
%%
Help conserve material today, wear a mini!
%%
Help Conserve the Earth - Promote Space Colonization
%%
Help cure dreaded Computer Addiction, send software.
%%
Help decrease moderator unemployment....Post Off-Topic
%%
>HELP!!!!
>
>Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube?  can you give me
>some hints?  I can get two sides opposite to each other completed, but that's
>it.
>
>            AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!
try getting all six sides to match.  That might work.
%%
>}HELP!!!!
>}
>}Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube?  can you give me
>}some hints?  I can get two sides opposite to each other completed, but that's
>}it.
>Bah! That's a piece o' cake...
>I just can't figure out this damned 4x4x4x4 Rubik's HyperCube...!!!!!!
     Gee, you guys are all way ahead of me!  I'm still here trying to figure
out the 4x1x1 Rubik's String.
%%
}HELP!!!!
}
}Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube?  can you give me
}some hints?  I can get two sides opposite to each other completed, but that's
}it.

Bah! That's a piece o' cake...

I just can't figure out this damned 4x4x4x4 Rubik's HyperCube...!!!!!!
 -- Jim Jagielski jim@jagubox.gsfc.nasa.gov
%%
>HELP!!!!
>
>Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube?  can you give me
>some hints?  I can get two sides opposite to each other completed, but that's
>it.
I've heard rumors to the effect that the 'cube' is actually a massive
practical joke designed to make everyone with an IQ of less than 100
embarass themselves in public.

I couldn't solve it either. I gave up.
 -- John M. Hughes datalog.com!moondog!jmh
%%
>HELP!!!!

>Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube?  can you give me
>some hints?  I can get two sides opposite to each other completed, but that's
>it.
With a screwdriver you can pop the cube apart and put it back
together correctly in about 5 minutes
%%
Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative.
%%
Help fight against a cure for nymphomania.
%%
Help fight continental drift.
%%
"Help!  Help!  I'm being repressed!"
 -- Monty Python "Holy Grail"
%%
Help! Help! I'm stuck between Probert and McSorely!
%%
Help, he said, is giving part of yourself to somebody who
comes to accept it willingly and needs it badly.
 -- Norman Maclean
             _A River Runs Through It_
%%
HELP: Hinder Everyone with Little Productivity
%%
Help! I am a prisoner in a Tagline Factory
%%
Help! I can't type with this strait jacket on!
%%
Help! I'd dial 911 but can't find the eleven on the dial.
%%
Help! I have tagophobia!
%%
Help! I hit the power switch and it didn't die.
%%
Help! I'm addicted to taglines!
%%
Help! I'm a rock!
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up.
%%
Help! I'm being held captive by my modem!
%%
HELP, I'm being held prisoner by this BBS.
%%
HELP, I'm being held prisoner by this Tagline Conference.
%%
Help! I'm being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!
%%
Help! I'm being held prisoner in a tagline factory!
%%
Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
%%
Help! I'm modeming ... and I can't hang up!!!
%%
Help  I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe.
%%
Help! I'm sleeping and can't wake up
%%
Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
%%
Help, I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory
and the owner is a sex machine!
%%
Help! I'm Trapped in an old computer!!!
%%
Help! I'm trapped in a town without a deli!
%%
Help! I'm trapped in this compu<#| Error: file deleted.
%%
Help . . . I need someBODY!!!
%%
Helping one another with simple chores, watching over each others
homes, sharing needs like food and firewood, simple fellowship. These
things make for true community spirit.
 -- Conrad Meinecke
%%
HELP! I screwed up my girlfriend's Computer!
%%
Help! I think I'm melting!  This is all your fault, Bob!
%%
Help! I've been possessed by a UNIX daemon!
%%
Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years...
%%
Help! I've crashed and I can't boot up!
%%
Help. I've descended and I can't get oop!
%%
HELP! I've fallen and I can't get up!  (Nice carpet!)
%%
Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my BEER !!!
%%
Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my hockey stick!
%%
Help! I've fallen and I can't reach the puck!
%%
Help! I've fallen and I can't SHEZ up.
%%
Help! I've fallen off line and can't hang-up!
%%
Help! I've fallen on the floor and I'm rolling!
%%
Help! I've got a cat in my lap and I can't get up!
%%
Help! I've lost my taglines and I can't be witty!
%%
Help! I've plummeted to my death and I can't get up!
%%
Help! I've tripped and I can't come down!
%%
Help make the world a happier place, torture Barney to death.
%%
Helpmate: A wife, or bitter half.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HELPMATE, n.  A wife, or bitter half.

    "Now, why is yer wife called a helpmate, Pat?"
        Says the priest.  "Since the time 'o yer wooin'
    She's niver [sic] assisted in what ye were at --
        For it's naught ye are ever doin'."

    "That's true of yer Riverence [sic]," Patrick replies,
        And no sign of contrition envices;
    "But, bedad, it's a fact which the word implies,
        For she helps to mate the expinses [sic]!"
                                                         Marley Wottel
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Help me, Bob Morgan. You're my only hope.
%%
Help me, Cassius, or I sink!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
"Help me, Dave. I can't run under Windows ... Dave!"
 -- Hal 9000
%%
Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
%%
Help me. I'm a victim of Gynomisandromania.
%%
Help me. I'm a victim of the heartbreak of satyriasis.
%%
Help me! I'm rusting!!!  Rusting!!!
%%
Help Me! I've Fallen, Spock, And I Can't Beam Up!
%%
Help Me Macro Through the Night
%%
HELP ME!  MY BRAIN!!! I JUST DROPPED IT! AAARRGGGGHHH!
%%
Help me Obi Wan. You're my only hope.
%%
Help me quick!  Someone must have turned reality back on.
%%
Help me, somebody, help me!
How the mighty have fallen.
 -- Q and Guinan, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Help me!! The apples are chaseing me??
%%
Help me to resist temptation, Lord, especially when I know no one is looking.
%%
HELP!!! Mommy and Daddy are ruining the country!
 -- Chelsea Clinton
%%
Help Mr. Wizard!
 -- Tennessee Tuxedo
%%
Help! My computer is holding me prisoner...
%%
HELP! My hard drive crashed and I can't boot up.
%%
Help! My keyboard is stuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
%%
Help,,,my (S)ex drive just crashed!!!
%%
Help! my toilet roll has no instructions....
%%
HELP!  MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
 -- e. e. cummings
%%
HELP!! PaPa Smurf In My CPU Died...
%%
HELP! Protect America's children, soil, and water today.
%%
Help reduce junk mail. Send personal messages
%%
Help Ross Perot buy a clue.
%%
Help! Save my walrus!
%%
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
%%
Help stamp out entropy!
%%
Help stamp out flaming ducks.
%%
Help Stamp Out Intolerance!
%%
Help stamp out lite beer.
%%
Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you!
%%
Help stamp out philatelists.
%%
Help stampout 'smart mouthed' Sysops!
%%
Help stamp out the rumor that the Pope uses bowling shoes made of woven
 parsley leaves. Of course, in stamping out something of this nature, you
 may START something!
%%
Help Stop Overpopulation!  Become Gay Today!
%%
Help support helpless victims of computer error.
%%
Help the economy today...Go out and Buy something!
%%
HELP!!! THE PARANOIDS ARE AFTER ME !!!
%%
Help the poor. Send money to 024/19805/000.0, BESCL.
%%
Help!  There's a cow in my esophagus!
%%
Help! The Smurfs in my HD just went on Strike
%%
Help thyself, and God will help thee.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
Help thyself, and God will help thee.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- Book vi, Fable 18
%%
HELP: Type 'No Help Available'
%%
Help us raise money to fight ... CRIPPLEWARE.
%%
Help wanted- must be kindergarten graduate.
%%
Help Wanted: Telepath.  You know where to apply.
%%
He made him a hut, wherein he did put
The carcass of Robinson Crusoe.
  O poor Robinson Crusoe!
 -- Samuel Foote (1720-1777)
 -- The Mayor of Garratt, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
He made it a part of his religion never to say grace to his meat.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Tale of a Tub, Sect. xi
%%
He made no friend who never made a foe.
%%
He made one of Antipater's recommendation a judge; and perceiving
afterwards that his hair and beard were coloured, he removed him,
saying, "I could not think one that was faithless in his hair could
be trusty in his deeds."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Philip
%%
He makes a solitude, and calls it--peace!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Bride of Abydos, Canto ii, Stanza 20
%%
He makes sweet music with th' enamell'd stones,
Giving a gentle kiss to every sedge
He overtaketh in his pilgrimage.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the
still waters.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxiii, 2
%%
He maketh the deep to boil like a pot.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xli, 31
%%
He married me for my tag lines.
%%
He may be a spy, but he is not a coward.
That only proves he's intelligent.
 -- Klag and Kargan, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
He may look like a clown, but here is the soul of a leader.
%%
He means well, he just can't help cutting down all those trees.
 -- RCAF
%%
"He means well" is useless unless he does well.
 -- Plautus
%%
HEM: Hide Evidence of Malfunction
%%
Hemingway's remarks are not literature.
 -- Gertrude Stein
%%
Hemingway was a jerk.
 -- Harold Robbins
%%
He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue.
%%
Hemmoroids:  A pain in the    )*(
%%
He [Moliere] pleases all the world, but cannot please himself.
 -- Nicholas Boileau-Despreaux (1636-1711)
 -- Satire 2
%%
Hemoplugs: small pieces of toilet paper applied to shaving wounds.
%%
"Hemorrhaging Brain" :
peppermint schnapps in a shot or martini glass with *VERY* cold
Bailey's Irish Cream poured *slowly* onto top (for the brain effect).
And a dash of Grenadine. Really gross looking but very tasty!
%%
He mourns the dead who lives as they desire.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 24
%%
He mouths a sentence as curs mouth a bone.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764)
 -- The Rosciad, Line 322
%%
HEMP, n.  A plant from whose fibrous bark is made an article of
neckwear which is frequently put on after public speaking in the open
air and prevents the wearer from taking cold.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
He multiplieth words without knowledge.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxv, 16
%%
He must be heard--and also seen; for if he played
behind the scenes a great deal of the poetry of his playing
would be lost.
 -- Robert Schumann (1810-1856), Neue Zeitschrift, On Franz Liszt
%%
He must have made a macro of my signature.
%%
He must needes goe whom the devill doth drive.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
He must needs go that the devil drives.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Henceforth the majesty of God revere;
Fear Him, and you have nothing else to fear.
 -- James Fordyce (1720-1796)
 -- Answer to a Gentleman who apologized to the Author for Swearing
%%
Hence, horrible shadow!
Unreal mockery, hence!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
    Hence no force however great can stretch a cord however
fine into an horizontal line which is accurately straight:
there will always be a bending downwards.
 -- William Whewell
%%
Hence these tears.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act i, Sc. 1, 99, (126.)
%%
Hence, ye profane! I hate ye all,
Both the great vulgar and the small.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Horace, Book iii, Ode 1
%%
He ne'er is crown'd
With immortality, who fears to follow
Where airy voices lead.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Endymion, Book ii
%%
He NEVER said "Abandon Ship! All hands abandon Ship!
 -- Why Kirk is better
%%
He no play-a da game.  He no make-a da rules!
 -- On the pope and birth control
%%
He nothing common did, or mean,
Upon that memorable scene.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- Upon Cromwell's return from Ireland
%%
Henry James had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it.
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Henry James was one of the nicest old ladies I every met.
 -- William Faulkner
%%
'Henry Kissinger Is Really My Father,' Admits Clint Eastwood.
%%
Henry the VIII had it right!
%%
Henry VIII's servants first served tennis-balls.
%%
...henry@zoo.toronto.edu (Henry Spencer) wrote:
>The trouble is that getdate() is relatively
>costly and Geoff is reluctant to run it on every single article

...and then all sorts of people started coming up with rube goldberg
schemes to avoid parsing dates.  However, it turns out that even using
C news's getdate (which is 10% slower than the B news version), parsing
the dates in every article in a full Usenet feed takes about five Sun 3
CPU seconds per day.  And if you were to use the lex-based date parser
included in the MH distribution, you could get it down below a second
per day, although it hardly seems worth the (minimal) effort.

 -- Jef Poskanzer (jef@well.sf.ca.us)
%%
HEO: Halt and Execute Operator
%%
He owned the biggest brussels sprout farm in East McKeesport. Well, he
 didn't start out to have the biggest brussels sprout farm. It's just that
 his cabbages never made it.
 -- Donna Jean Young
%%
He paid me a compliment. He said I looked like a breath of spring. Well, he
 didn't use them words. He said I looked like the end of a hard winter.
 -- Minnie Pearl
%%
He pass'd the flaming bounds of place and time:
The living throne, the sapphire blaze,
Where angels tremble while they gaze,
He saw; but blasted with excess of light,
Closed his eyes in endless night.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Progress of Poesy, III, 2, Line 4
%%
Hepaticocholecystostcholecystenterostomy
%%
He play'd an ancient ditty long since mute,
In Provence call'd "La belle dame sans mercy."
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- The Eve of St. Agnes, Stanza 33
%%
He played a mean guitar ... loved to drive in his Jag-u-ar
%%
He played a Sanity card! AARRGGH!
%%
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
 John Mason Brown, drama critic
%%
He [Pliny the Elder] used to say that "no book was so bad but some
good might be got out of it."
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book iii, Letter v, 10
%%
"He'p me!  Somebody, pleez, he'p me!  I been hypmotize'!"
 -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
He possessed a peculiar talent of producing effect in whatever he said or did.
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD)
 -- Historiae, ii, 80
%%
He preferred an honest man that wooed his daughter, before a rich
man. "I would rather," said Themistocles, "have a man that wants money
than money that wants a man."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Themistocles
%%
He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE
 inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER!  Or maybe he'd
 like to PSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORIZE ME until I have no objection
 to a RIGHT-WING MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!!  I guess
 I should call AL PACINO!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
He probably types in Esperanto on his Dvorak keyboard...
%%
He putteth down one and setteth up another.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxxv, 7
%%
Heraclitus says that Pittacus, when he had got Alcaeus into his power,
released him, saying, "Forgiveness is better than revenge."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pittacus, iii
%%
Her air, her manners, all who saw admir'd;
Courteous though coy, and gentle though retir'd;
The joy of youth and health her eyes display'd,
And ease of heart her every look convey'd.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- The Parish Register, Part ii, Marriages
%%
He rais'd a mortal to the skies,
She drew an angel down.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 169
%%
He ran for the curb, but I bagged him before he made it.
%%
Her angels face,
As the great eye of heaven, shyned bright,
And made a sunshine in the shady place.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto iii, St. 4
%%
Her ass is sucking swamp gas.
%%
Her beauty makes
This vault a feasting presence full of light.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Her berth was of the wombe of morning dew,
And her conception of the joyous Prime.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book iii, Canto vi, St. 3
%%
Her body was recovered, she bought a new suit of clothes.
%%
Herbs, and other country messes,
Which the neat-handed Phillis dresses.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 85
%%
Her cap, far whiter than the driven snow,
Emblems right meet of decency does yield.
 -- William Shenstone (1714-1763)
 -- The Schoolmistress, Stanza 6
%%
Her children arise up and call her blessed.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxxi, 28
%%
Her dentist went deaf from the drill's echoes.
%%
Her dialing thumb must be broken.
%%
He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in
 India. So he sent his kid there.
 -- Red Buttons
%%
He reads much;
He is a great observer, and he looks
Quite through the deeds of men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Hereafter I'll be able to understand everything, taking all on trust.
 -- Tristan Corbiere
%%
Hereafter, in a better world than this,
I shall desire more love and knowledge of you.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
He *really* needs a girlfriend.
%%
Here are a few of the unpleasant'st words
That ever blotted paper!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Here are my categories, with examples (his):
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Here are sands, ignoble things,
Dropt from the ruined sides of kings.
 -- Francis Beaumont (1586-1616)
 -- On the Tombs of Westminster Abbey
%%
Here are the young men, a weight on their shoulders
 Here are the young men, but where have they been?
 We knocked on the doors of Hell's darker chambers
 Pushed to the limit, we dragged ourselves in.
 -- Joy Division "Decades"
%%
Here at Controls, we have one chief for every Indian.
%%
Here at Controls, we have one chief for every Indian...but only the brave get
scalped.
%%
Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from
 President's and Kings to the scum of the earth...
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Here at the quiet limit of the world.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Tithonus
%%
Here bring your wounded hearts, here tell your anguish;
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Come, ye Disconsolate
%%
Here Bunny, Bunny, Bunny...
%%
He reckoneth without his Hostesse.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 84
%%
Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are
called fools.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Here comes Mr. Bill's dog.
 -- Narrator, Saturday Night Live
%%
Here comes the lady! O, so light a foot
Will ne'er wear out the everlasting flint.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
Here Come The Lizards, Here Come The Lizards, Here Come The Lizards.
%%
Hereditary bondsmen! know ye not,
Who would be free, themselves must strike the blow?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 76
%%
Hereditary - Opposite of Thereditary.
%%
Heredity is important: We should be careful in choosing our grandparents
%%
Heredity is the thing a child gets from the other side of the family.
%%
Heredity is what makes parents look at their teenage children and
question each other.
 -- Barbara Adams
%%
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teen-ager wondering about each other.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
Heredity runs in our family.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
Heredity: Something every Father tends to believe, until his son starts
 acting like an idiot.
%%
Here does someone come up with I said anything like that from?
%%
Here Fido! Fetch! Get the stick Fido... Stick... Stupid Dog.
%%
Here. Have a jelly baby.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
Here he comes -- here comes Speed Racer -- he's a demon on wheels
%%
HERE HE GOES AGAIN!
THE FIRE IS COMING!
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES OR FACE A GRULING DEATH
IN THE PLANET PLUTO!!! FIRE!!!!
%%
Here I am again at the penitentiary of insanity and stress.
%%
Here I am again - back in uncertainty.
%%
Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying
 my urine sample bottles..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be
 when I grow up.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
..  here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN
 anywhere!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Here I and sorrows sit;
Here is my throne, bid kings come bow to it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
 "Here I Come!" by R. U. Reddy
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Here in my heart, I am Helen;
 I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Stael;
 I'm Salome, moon of the East.

Here in my soul I am Sappho;
 Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
In me Recamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,
 With Dido, and Eve, and poor nell.

I'm all of the glamorous ladies
 At whose beckoning history shook.
But you are a man, and see only my pan,
 So I stay at home with a book.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Here in the body pent,
  Absent from Him I roam,
Yet nightly pitch my moving tent
  A day's march nearer home.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- At Home in Heaven
%%
Here I run, to steal the secret of the sun.
%%
Here is an Appalachian version of management's answer to those who are
concerned with the fate of the project:
"Don't worry about the mule.  Just load the wagon."
 -- Mike Dennison's hillbilly uncle
%%
Here is bread, which strengthens man's heart, and therefore called
the staff of life.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Psalm civ
%%
Here I sit, broken-hearted,
All logged in, but work unstarted.
First net.this and net.that,
And a hot buttered bun for net.fat.

The boss comes by, and I play the game,
Then I turn back to net.flame.
Is there a cure (I need your views),
For someone trapped in net.news?

I need your help, I say 'tween sobs,
'Cause I'll soon be listed in net.jobs.
%%
Here I sit, in a tizzy - all my favorite boards are busy.
%%
Here is my fist, please run towards it very fast.
%%
Here I stand; I can do no otherwise. God help me. Amen!
 -- Martin Luther (1483-1546)
 -- Speech at the Diet of Worms
%%
Here is the beginning of philosophy: a recognition of the conflicts
between men, a search for their cause, a condemnation of mere opinion,
and the discovery of a standard of judgment.
 -- Epictetus
%%
Here is the devil-and-all to pay.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. x
%%
        Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the
month.  According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people
are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China.
   The words Coca-Cola translate into Chinese as either
(depending on the inflection) wax-fattened mare or bite the wax
tadpole.
 Bite the wax tadpole.
 There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?
             The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's
hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to
bite a wax tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad,
but broad satiric vistas do not open up.
 -- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle
%%
Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled with
the issue of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John Paul
Stevens came up with the famous quotation about how he couldn't define
pornography, but he knew it when he saw it.  So for a while, the
court's policy was to have all the suspected pornography trucked to
Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it over.  Nope, this isn't
it, he'd say.    Bring some more.    This went on until one morning when
his housekeeper found him trapped in the recreation room under an
enormous mound of rubberized implements, and the court had to issue a
ruling stating that it didn't know what the hell pornography was except
that it was illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about
it because the court was going to take a nap.
 -- Dave Barry, Pornography
%%
Here is the whole set! a character dead at every word.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- School for Scandal, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Here is the world, sound as a nut, perfect, not the smallest piece
of chaos left, never a stitch nor an end, not a mark of haste, or
botching, or second thought; but the theory of the world is a thing
of shreds and patches.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1845)
%%
Here kitty, kitty!!...
 -- Alf
%%
Here kitty, kitty ... play with this nice electrical cord!
%%
Here lies a toppled god;
His fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal--
A narrow and a tall one.
 -- TLEILAXU EPIGRAM, Frank Herbert, Dune Messiah
%%
Here lies Bob... He lived his dream.
%%
Here lies Irvin S. Cobb, not that it makes any difference.
 -- Written on grave
%%
Here lies James Quinn. Deign, reader, to be taught,
Whate'er thy strength of body, force of thought,
In Nature's happiest mould however cast,
To this complexion thou must come at last.
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- Epitaph on Quinn, Murphy's Life of Garrick, Vol. ii, p. 38
%%
Here lies Madonna. Necrophiliacs welcome.
%%
Here lies Nolly Goldsmith, for shortness called Noll,
Who wrote like an angel, and talk'd like poor Poll.
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- Impromptu Epitaph on Goldsmith
%%
Here lies Nunnally Johnson. If I don't come back, go right ahead without
 me.
 -- Written on grave
%%
Here lies one whose name was writ in water.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
%%
Here lies our sovereign lord the king,
  Whose word no man relies on;
He never says a foolish thing,
  Nor ever does a wise one.
 -- Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)
 -- Written on the Bedchamber Door of Charles II
%%
Here lies the body of Harry Hershfield. If not, notify Ginsberg & Company,
 Undertakers, at once.
 -- Written on grave
%%
Here little critter...SMACK!...poor little critter...
%%
        Here, make yourself at home.
          --Naw, that's OK.   I don't want to stick to anything.
 -- Caddyshack
%%
Here pigs will fly, lightning will strike twice,
hell will freeeze over, and eventually,
things will get really interesting...
%%
Here rests his head upon the lap of earth,
  A youth to fortune and to fame unknown:
Fair Science frown'd not on his humble birth,
  And Melancholy mark'd him for her own.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Epitaph
%%
Here's a floppy with a tar of a compressed cpio archive... and they say Unix
 is hard to use...
 -- Karl
%%
Here's a good gag if you go swimming in a swamp and when you com out you're all
 covered with leeches.  Just say, "Hey, has anybody seen my raisins?"  (Because
 leeches kind of look like big raisins.)
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the
ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and flail your arms around,
like you're going to fall in.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know
anybody: First, take out the garbage.  Then go around and collect
any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled-up napkin,
and take that out too.  Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy
garbage guy.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Here's a good tip for when you go to the beach: A sand dollar may look like a
 nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don't taste like it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics.  Then,
if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and
go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?"
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Here's a letter from Mrs. Jerome Whatsis from West Jesus, North Dakota. She
 says, "Dear Sir: I don't know what I would do without satire. When my
 husband is home sick in bed and my children are screaming for food and
 there's no money, I thank God there is such a thing as satire ... "Well,
 this is only one of the influences of satire. We all know how much satire
 did to stop the rise of Hitler in Germany in 1931.
 -- Anthony Holl
%%
Here's an amazing story. A man in Orlando, Florida, was hit by eight cars
 in a row and only one stopped. The first seven drivers thought he was a
 lawyer. The eighth was a lawyer.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
"Here's another worry. It's not as bad as exams, but it's
still a worry. Nuclear War."
 -- Rick Brouwer
%%
Here's a partial score: Alabama 21...
%%
Here's a partial score: Florida State 32...
%%
Here's a piece of late news. Mr. Arthur Perkiss, the man who this week won
 five hundred thousand pounds on the pools, has announced that he will never
 work another day in his life. So he's staying on with British Rail.
 -- Ronnie Corbett
%%
Here's a quarter, Call 1-800-CRY-BABY!
%%
Here's a quarter, call someone who cares.
%%
Here 's a sigh to those who love me,
  And a smile to those who hate;
And whatever sky 's above me,
  Here 's a heart for every fate.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- To Thomas Moore
%%
Here's a tagline you have never seen before!
%%
Here's bunch for you to replace them...
%%
Here Skugg lies snug
As a bug in a rug.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Letter to Miss Georgiana Shipley, September, 1772
%%
Here's lookin' at you kid.
 -- Nick
%%
Here 's metal more attractive.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
"Here's on for you. What's an 8 letter word for 'Love?'"

"Moisture"
 -- From the ABC series "Doctor Doctor"
%%
Here's Pus In Your Eye: Lance Boyle
%%
Here's some mistake tags for you.
%%
Here's something to think about:  How come you never see a Headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery.'
 -- Comedian Jay Leno
%%
Here stands Tony Randall. I am not going to take this lying down.
 -- Written on grave
%%
Here 's that which is too weak to be a sinner,--honest water, which
ne'er left man i' the mire.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther
King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:

      * Governmental offices
        * Post offices
        * Libraries
   * Schools
     * Banks
       * Parts of Palm Beach

and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina.
 -- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live
%%
"Here's to good friends
Tonight is kinda stupid
The beer we'll pour
Is something we'll ignore somehow...
So tonight, tonight,
Let it be Lowbrau."

"Lowbrau, the beer for those times when you just don't feel
sophisticated."
%%
Here's to health, here's to wealth; may you never
 doubt yourself .. just another ordinary man.
(Triumph)
%%
Here's to me and here's to you,
And here's to love and laughter;
I'll be true as long as you,
And not a minute after.
 -- Irish Toast
%%
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
%%
Here 's to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
  Here 's to the widow of fifty;
Here 's to the flaunting, extravagant quean,
  And here 's to the housewife that 's thrifty!
        Let the toast pass;
        Drink to the lass;
I 'll warrant she 'll prove an excuse for the glass.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- School for Scandal, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Here's to the pencil pushers, may they all get lead poisoning
 -- Bob Hoskins in Who Framed Roger Rabbit
%%
Here's to women.
Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Here Strange ain't Strange!!! It Normal!!
%%
"Here's what I know," said the physicist.  "If we lived in a microscopic
 world, trucks would crash into walls, fly apart and then reassemble
 perfectly on the other side of the wall.  This has been proven."
%%
Heresy lays foundations for progress.
%%
Here Tag! C'mon Tag! Good Tag. Good boy!
%%
Here the free spirit of mankind, at length,
Throws its last fetters off; and who shall place
A limit to the giant's unchained strength,
Or curb his swiftness in the forward race?
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- The Ages, xxxiii
%%
Here the heart
May give a useful lesson to the head,
And Learning wiser grow without his books.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book vi, Winter Walk at Noon, Line 85
%%
Here, there........and everywhere......
%%
Here thou, great Anna! whom three realms obey,
Dost sometimes counsel take--and sometimes tea.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto iii, Line 7
%%
Here today, dawn tommorow.
%%
Here today, gaunt tomorrow.
%%
Here was a type of the true elder race,
And one of Plutarch's men talked with us face to face.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Ode at the Harvard Commemoration, July 21, 1865
%%
Here we are...born to be kings, we're the Filkers of the Fidonet!!!
%%
Here we are in America...  when do we collect unemployment?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Here we are in Canada...when do we collect unemployment?
%%
Here we are now!  Entertain us!
%%
Here we will stand!
Then here you will die.
 -- Gosheven and Data, "The Ensigns of Command", stardate unknown
%%
Here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the king's English.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Here ya are pilgrim. Skin that 'un, and I'll go getcha another'n.
%%
Her eyes are homes of silent prayer.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xxxii, Stanza 1
%%
Her eyes the glow-worm lend thee,
The shooting-stars attend thee;
  And the elves also,
  Whose little eyes glow
Like the sparks of fire, befriend thee.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- The Night Piece to Julia
%%
Her eyes were cold and harsh, which made them tough to chew.
%%
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
%%
Here, you go first, you're immune to bullets.
%%
Here you would know and enjoy what posterity will say of Washington.
For a thousand leagues have nearly the same effect with a thousand
years.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Letter to Washington, March 5, 1780
%%
Her face is like the milky way i' the sky,--
A meeting of gentle lights without a name.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- Brennoralt, Act iii
%%
Her face was like an April morn, Clad in a wint'ry cloud; And clay-cold
was her lily hand, That held her sable shroud.
 -- Mallet
%%
Her father loved me; oft invited me;
Still question'd me the story of my life,
From year to year, the battles, sieges, fortunes,
That I have passed.
I ran it through, even from my boyish days,
To the very moment that he bade me tell it:
Wherein I spake of most disastrous chances,
Of moving accidents by flood and field,
Of hair-breadth 'scapes i' the imminent deadly breach,
Of being taken by the insolent foe
And sold to slavery, of my redemption thence
And portance in my travels' history;
Wherein of antres vast and deserts idle,
Rough quarries, rocks and hills whose heads touch heaven,
It was my hint to speak,--such was the process;
And of the Cannibals that each other eat,
The Anthropophagi, and men whose heads
Do grow beneath their shoulders. This to hear
Would Desdemona seriously incline.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Her feet beneath her petticoat
Like little mice stole in and out,
  As if they feared the light;
But oh, she dances such a way!
No sun upon an Easter-day
  Is half so fine a sight.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- Ballad upon a Wedding
%%
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a
 yak.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
%%
Her heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
%%
Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
%%
Her last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire!
%%
Her legs went from here to here... Here smile went from here to here... Her
tongue went from here to where?
%%
Her lies my wife, let her rest She is peaceful and quiet and its best For
 when she is not talking and such I am able to enjoy the day very much If
 she will stay here, let her be If you disturb her, you'll see.
%%
Her life was saved by rock and roll.
 -- Lou Reed
%%
Her lips are roses overwashed with dew.
 -- Greene
%%
Her lips were red, and one was thin;
Compared with that was next her chin,--
Some bee had stung it newly.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- Ballad upon a Wedding
%%
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl, but she hasn't got a lot to say.
%%
Her manners had not that repose
  Which stamps the caste of Vere de Vere.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Lady Clara Vere de Vere, Stanza 5
%%
Her memory is truly random-access.
%%
Her mere presence causes parity errors, power fails, and head crashes.
%%
HERMIT, n.  A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hermits do it alone.
%%
Her modem lights are on but there's no carrier.
%%
Her name is Aphrodite, and she rides a crimson shell;
 and you know you cannot leave her, for you touched the distant sand;
 with tales of brave Ulysses, how his naked ears were tortured,
 by the Sirens sweetly singing...
 -- "Tales of Brave Ulysses", Disraeli Gears Cream
%%
Hernia: Middle of a womans leg.
%%
He rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xviii, 10
%%
Heroes as great have died, and yet shall fall.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xv, Line 157
%%
Hero for Hire - Snappy Comebacks upon Request.
%%
    Heroics can be costly and involve some degree of personal danger for the
participating wizard. But for the truly resourceful magician, this does not
have to be! Consider the advantages of long-distance magic, by which you may
gain all the publicity value and save all the expense. But, you say, don't
heroes have to be present at the battle? For the properly prepared mage,
nothing could be more heroic than a well-timed combination of printed
handbills, subtly placed rumor, and perhaps a brief personal appearance tour.
Still expensive? Nonsense! Do you know how much a heroic wizard can charge for
personal appearances?
 -- Ebenezum The Wizard's Handy Pocket Guide To Everyday Wizardry
%%
Heroic, stoic Cato, the sententious,
Who lent his lady to his friend Hortensius.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto vi, Stanza 7
%%

"Heroine" is perhaps as peculiar a word as any in our language; the two
first letters of it are a male, the three first a female, the four first
a brave man, and the whole word a brave woman.
 -- From the Nevada Morning Transcript of February 15, 1861
%%
Heroism is endurance for one moment more.
 -- George F. Kennan
%%
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that
goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Heroism- the divine relation which in all times unites a great men
to other men.
 -- Carlyle
%%
He rolls it under his tongue as a sweet morsel.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 --  Commentaries, Psalm xxxvi
%%
hero loop: aerial maneuver performed by a valiant climber.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Herostratus lives that burnt the temple of Diana; he is almost lost
that built it.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Dedication to Urn-Burial, Chap. v
%%
Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible
 suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house.
 -- James Thurber
%%
Hero-worship: Idol gossip.
%%
Her phone doesn't quite reach her desk.
%%
Her pretty feet, like snails, did creep
  A little out, and then,
As if they played at bo-peep,
  Did soon draw in again.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- To Mistress Susanna Southwell
%%
Her sewing machine's been out of thread for some time now.
%%
HersheyBORG: Wrappers are futile. Chocolate will be assimilated.
%%
Her silent course advance
With inoffensive pace, that spinning sleeps
On her soft axle.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 163
%%
HERS, pron.  His.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Her stature tall,--I hate a dumpy woman.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 61
%%
Her suffering ended with the day,
  Yet lived she at its close,
And breathed the long, long night away
  In statue-like repose.
 -- James Aldrich (1810-1856)
 -- A Death-Bed
%%
Her synapses are about |that| far apart.
%%
Her tears her only eloquence.
 -- Rogers
%%
Her that ruled the rost in the kitchen.
 -- Thomas Heywood (c. 1574-1641)
 -- History of Women (ed. 1624), Page 286
%%
Her tires are a little low.
%%
Her track, where'er the goddess roves,
Glory pursue, and gen'rous shame,
Th' unconquerable mind,
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Progress of Poesy, II, 2, Line 10
%%
Hertz, Don't It?: Lisa Carr
%%
He ruleth all the roste.
 -- John Skelton (c. 1460-1529)
 -- Why Come ye not to Courte, Line 198
%%
He rush'd into the field, and foremost fighting fell.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 23
%%
Her virtue and the conscience of her worth,
That would be woo'd, and not unsought be won.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 502
%%
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
%%
Her voice was ever soft,
Gentle, and low,--an excellent thing in woman.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs iii, 17
%%
Her wit was more than man, her innocence a child.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Elegy on Mrs. Killegrew, Line 70
%%
"He's a bloodsucker, all right, but not the kind
 we're looking for.  This man is an I.R.S. agent."
 -- The Badger, Ham and a Van Helsing pig stalk vampires, in "Badger"
%%
He's a couple of diskettes short of a full backup.
%%
He's a Democrat because he's too poor to be Republican.
%%
He's a few cards short of a deck.
%%
He's a few transistors short of a Pentium...
%%
He's a few warp coils short of lightspeed.
%%
"   ", he said blankly.
%%
He said "ENQ?".  "NAK!", she replied.
%%
He said he was dying of fast women, slow horses,
crooked cards and straight whisky.
%%
He said that in his whole life he most repented of three things: one
was that he had trusted a secret to a woman; another, that he went
by water when he might have gone by land; the third, that he had remained
one whole day without doing any business of moment.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Marcus Cato
%%
He said that men ought to remember those friends who were absent as
well as those who were present.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Thales, ix
%%
He said that there was one only good, namely, knowledge; and one only
evil, namely, ignorance.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Socrates, xiv
%%
He said they that were serious in ridiculous matters would be ridiculous
in serious affairs.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Roman Apophthegms, Cato the Elder
%%
He's alive but unconscious, just like Gerald Ford.
%%
He's alive, Jim. Should I shoot him again?
%%
He's ALIVE, Jim. Where did I go wrong?
%%
He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy.....
%%
He's a man out there in the blue,
ridin' on a smile and a shoeshine...
a salesman has got to dream, boys.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
He's a potato Jim, Let's gouge out all of his eyes
%%
He's a protocol or two shy of a stack
%%
He's a punishment that's waiting for a suitable crime.
 -- Ed GardnerEd Gardner
%%
He's a real big gun - of small caliber and immense bore.
%%
He 's armed without that 's innocent within.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book i, Line 94
%%
He's a self-made man ... the living proof of the horrors of unskilled
 labor!
 -- Ed Wynn
%%
He's as innocent as a newBorg baby.
%%
He's a SOB -- but at least he's *our* SOB.
%%
He's as strong as an ox! Can't you smell him?
%%
He 's a sure card.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Spanish Friar, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
He's a tragic figure in a paisley shirt
%%
He's a trash-culture king on a four-color throne
%%
He's a virtual genius.  He's just swapped out right now.
%%
He saw her charming, but he saw not half
The charms her downcast modesty conceal'd.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Autumn, Line 229
%%
He's a wild man. Get out of here.
%%
    He saw the crowd and thought of the waves moving through
them, breaking into white, swallowing foam.  The small figures
dimly sensed the eddies of the waves as paradox, as riddle,
and heard the tick of time without knowing what they sensed,
and clung to their linear illusions of past and future, of
progression, of their opening births and yawning deaths to
come...  And he thought of Markham and his mother and all
these uncountable people, never loosening their grip on their
hopes, and their strange human sense, their last illusion,
that no matter how the days moved through them, there always
remained the pulse of things coming, the sense that even now
there was yet still time.
 -- Gregory Benford, Timescape
%%
He says, 'Aha! A solution exists!' and goes back to sleep.
%%
He says a thousand pleasant things, but never "Adieu."
%%
He say's he's the property of Bob, a resident of these parts.
%%
He says there are several Bobs approaching from the southeast.
%%
He's bluffing. He wouldn't shoot the nose.
%%
He's braindead, Jim.
%%
He's Contagious!: Lucas Measles
%%
He's dead?  I thought he was imitating Al Gore.
%%
He's dead, Jim! But he's a Vulcan; he'll snap out of it.
%%
He's DEAD, Jim. Get his ears.
 -- Spock
%%
He's dead, Jim! Go to Sick Bay and get the Maggot Master!
%%
He's dead, Jim! Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet!
%%
He's dead, Jim! Grab his tricorder. I'll get his watch.
%%
He's dead, Jim! Grab his wallet.
%%
He's dead, Jim! Hey, get away from the body, Ensign Dahmer!
%%
He's dead, Jim! I get his tricorder, you take his wallet.
%%
He's dead, Jim! I know Bones I've seen the script.
%%
He's dead, Jim! Just like your career.
%%
He's dead, Jim! Kick him if you don't believe me.
%%
He's dead, Jim.
 -- McCoy, "The Devil in the Dark," stardate 3196.1.
%%
He's dead, Jim! Tell the Klingons that dinner is served.
%%
He's dead, Jim! Thats 10 this week already.
%%
He's DEAD, Jim. You get his teeth.
 -- "Bones" McCoy, DDS
%%
He's dead, Jim! You get his tricorder. I'll get his wallet.
%%
He's dead, Jim! You take his phaser and I'll get his wallet.
%%
He's diagnosable.
%%
He's different from me.  I'm 64 and he's 41.  And that's good, that's
positive.
 -- President George Bush, referring to Dan Quayle
%%
He's dim, Jed.
%%
He seems so near, and yet so far.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xcvii, Stanza 6
%%
He seems to be a bit wispy of the grey matter.
%%
"He seems to think that posterity is a pack-horse, always ready to be loaded."
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
He sees that this great roundabout
The world, with all its motley rout,
  Church, army, physic, law,
Its customs and its businesses,
Is no concern at all of his,
  And says--what says he?--Caw.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Jackdaw, (Translation from Vincent Bourne)
%%
He's either dead or just very sleepy.
%%
He sells contact lenses for a cubist world.
%%
He serves me most who serves his country best.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book x, Line 201
%%
He's fighting fire with fire and flirting with death.
%%
"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet."
 -- Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal
%%
He 's gone, and who knows how he may report
Thy words by adding fuel to the flame?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 1350
%%
He's got a magnet.  Everybody BACKUP!
%%
He's got a magnet! Everybody stand back!
%%
He's got a watch with a minute hand, millennium hand, and an eon hand.
%%
He's got a wonderful head for money. There's this long slit on the top.
 -- David Frost
%%
He's got 'droid rot.  He's waving a banana in front of my face and
calling it a female aardvark
 -- Rimmer in Red Dwarf 'Camille'
%%
He shall be buried with the burial of an ass.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah xxii, 19
%%
He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxxii, 6
%%
He shall return no more to his house, neither shall his place know
him any more.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job vii, 10; cf. xvi, 22
%%
He shall rule them with a rod of iron.
 -- New Testament
 -- Revelation ii, 27
%%
He shoots, He Scores!!!
 -- Hockey can be like sex
%%
He should be most proud that the PMRC wants to put their obscene
lyrics sticker on his `Jazz From Hell' -- which is an instrumental
album.
 -- Tony Shepps
%%
He signed you, Bill.  Now you're a law!
%%
He sinks into thy depths with bubbling groan,
Without a grave, unknell'd, uncoffin'd, and unknown.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 179
%%
... hesitation ... is an hereditary trait of your species, and
   suddenly faced by the unknown, or imminent danger, a human will
  invariably experience a split second of indecision.  He hesitates.
 -- Spock, "Obsession," stardate 3620.7.
%%
Hesitation is the best cure for anger.
 -- Seneca the Younger (c. 4 B.C. - 65 A.D.)
%%
He's Jim, Dad
 -- McCoy Intros his CO to his family.
%%
He sleeps well who knows not that he sleeps ill.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 77
%%
He slimed me.
 -- Dr. Peter (Bill Murray) Vennkman
%%
He's mad. He's mad! He's madder than mad Jack McMad, winner of last
  year's Mr Madman competition.
 -- Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
He's making a fortune out of the things. People are smoking them...
  building houses out of them...they'll be _eating_ them next...
Stranger things have happened...
Well, exactly.
..That horse becoming Pope...
For one.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Potato
%%
He smelleth the battle afar off.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxix, 25
%%
He smoked a big cigar and drove a Caddilac car.....
%%
He's mostly dead Jim. Get Miracle Max!
%%
He smote them hip and thigh.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, xv, 8
%%
He smote the rock of the national resources, and abundant streams
of revenue gushed forth. He touched the dead corpse of Public Credit,
and it sprung upon its feet.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech on Hamilton, March 10, 1831, p. 200
%%
He's not a politician.  He's just ethically challenged.
%%
He's not dead, Jim! He's just metabolically challenged.
%%
He's not dead, Jim! He's metaphysically challanged.
%%
He's not dumb; he knows what he's doing.   He's done that for years ...
 he's learned that if the dream's big enough, the facts don't count.
 -- Billy Florence, on the value of dreambuilding
%%
He's not 'ere, Bruce. Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.
%%
He's not exactly operating on all thrusters.
%%
He's not going anywhere Lieutenant.
 -- Dr. Crusher to Worf about a Romulan, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
He's not just an experimentalist. He's an antitheorist!
%%
He's not running on all thrusters!
 -- McCoy to Kirk, "ST IV:The Voyate Home," stardate 8390
%%
He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
%%
He's not the Messiah, he's a very Naughty Boy
 -- Brian's Mum
%%
He's not very attractive, but I will have him.
 -- Vekma about Riker, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
He's off-topic. Send him to....THE COMFY CHAIR!!!
%%
"He's our leader!  The wisest of us all!  At least,
 that's what my parents always say."
 -- Just another misguided super-ape from BLUE DEVIL
%%
He spent his last shilling on a purse.
%%
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
%%
He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed.
 -- H.H. Munro
%%
He's so dense, light bends around him.
%%
He's so hypocritical he pirates on-line Bible programs.
%%
He's so nervous that he wears a seat belt in a drive-in movie.
 -- Neil Simon
%%
He's so old he gets winded playing checkers.
 -- Ed Wynn
%%
He's so old his blood type was discontinued.
 -- Bill Dana
%%
He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money
 up front.
 -- Milton Berle
%%
He's spending a year dead for tax purposes.
 -- Hotblack Desiato's bodyguard
%%
He's still standing in that familiar upright position.
%%
He's surfing in New Mexico.
%%
He's tanned, rested and ready... NIXON '96!
%%
"He started to count to ten.  He was desperately worried that one day sentient
life forms would forget how to do this.  Only by counting could humans
demonstrate their independence of computers."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
He's that most dangerous of creatures: a clever sheep.
%%
He's the devil in him!
 -- Conner's girlfriend.
%%
He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch.
%%
He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there ...
with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
%%
He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
%%
He stood beside a cottage lone
  And listened to a lute,
One summer's eve, when the breeze was gone,
  And the nightingale was mute.
 -- Thomas K. Hervey (1799-1859)
 -- The Devil's Progress
%%
He stopped on a dime; unfortunately the dime was in Mr. Rococo's pocket.
%%
He 's tough, ma'am,--tough is J. B.; tough and devilish sly.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Dombey and Son, Chap. vii
%%
He's without doubt the greatest sweeper in the world, I'd say, at a guess.
%%
He's worth a thousand machukas, easy!
%%
He taketh the wise in their own craftiness.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job v, 13
%%
He talked with more claret than clarity.
 -- Susan Ertz.
%%
He talks to farts, man!
 -- Magic Nose Goblin
%%
He taught us drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils.
%%
Heterosexual sex: 2 hours pleasure for lifetime of responsibility
%%
He that converses not, knows nothing.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
He that despairs, degrades the Deity, and seems to intimate, that
He is insufficient, or not just to his word; and in vain hath read
the Scriptures, the world and man.
 -- Feltham
%%
He that dies in extreme old age will be reduced to the same state
with him that is cut down untimely.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 33
%%
He that dies pays all debts.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
He that drinks fast, pays slow.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
He that falls in love with himself, will have no rivals.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
He that falls into sin is a man; that grieves at it may be a saint;
that boasteth of it is a devil.
 -- Fuller
%%
He that feareth is a slave, were he never so rich, were he never so
powerful. But he that is without fear is king of all the world.
 -- E. R. Eddison, The Worm Ouroboros
%%
He that fears not the future may enjoy the present.
%%
He that fights and runs away will live to fight another day.
%%
He that goes a borrowing goes a sorrowing.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
He that goes far to marry, will either deceive or be deceived.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
He that had neyther been kith nor kin
  Might have seen a full fayre sight.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Guy of Gisborne
%%
He that has a white horse, and a fair woman, is never without trouble.
%%
He that has many friends, has no friends.
%%
He that has no patience has nothing at all.
%%
He that has patience may compass anything.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. xlviii
%%
He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard
is less than a man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
He that hath a trade, hath an estate.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.
 -- New Testament
 -- Mark iv, 9
%%
He that hath knowledge spareth his words.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvii, 27
%%
He that hath love in his breast hath spurs in his sides.
 -- Herbert
%%
He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the Lord.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xix, 17
%%
He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune; for
they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Marriage and Single Life
%%
He that holds fast the golden mean,
And lives contentedly between
  The little and the great,
Feels not the wants that pinch the poor,
Nor plagues that haunt the rich man's door.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Translation of Horace, Book ii, Ode x
%%
He that I am reading seems always to have the most force.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
He that is down needs fear no fall.
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 -- The Author's Way of sending forth his Second Part of the Pilgrim, Part ii
%%
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
%%
He that is not with me is against me.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xi, 23
%%
He that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xv, 15
%%
He that is robb'd, not wanting what is stolen,
Let him not know 't, and he 's not robb'd at all.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth
his spirit than he that taketh a city.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvi, 32
%%
He that is strucken blind cannot forget
The precious treasure of his eyesight lost.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
He that is surety for a stranger shall smart for it.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xi, 15
%%
He that is without sin among you has been bored
for a lllllooooonnnnnggggg time.
 -- Munroe's Dictum
%%
He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone.
 -- Jesus Christ
%%
He that keeps another man's dog, shall have nothing left him, but the line.
 -- Proverb
%%
He that knows nothing, doubts nothing.
%%
He that knows not what the world is, knows not where he is himself.
He that knows not for what he was made, knows not what he is nor what
the world is.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, viii, 52
%%
He that lacks time to mourn, lacks time to mend.
Eternity mourns that. 'T is an ill cure
For life's worst ills, to have no time to feel them.
Where sorrow 's held intrusive and turned out,
There wisdom will not enter, nor true power,
Nor aught that dignifies humanity.
 -- Sir Henry Taylor (1800-?)
 -- Philip Van Artevelde, Part i, Act i, Sc. 5
%%
He that leaveth nothing to Chance will do
few things ill, but he will do very few things.
 -- George, Lord Halifax
%%
He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
He that lives on hope has but a slender diet.
%%
He that lives upon Hope dies farting.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
He that loses hope may part with anything.
 -- Congreve
%%
He that loves a rosy cheek,
  Or a coral lip admires,
Or from star-like eyes doth seek
  Fuel to maintain his fires,--
As old Time makes these decay,
So his flames must waste away.
 -- Thomas Carew (1589-1639)
 -- Disdain Returned
%%
He that loves the tree, loves the branch.
 -- Proverb
%%
He that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxviii, 20
%%
He that never changed any of his opinions never corrected any of
his mistakes; and he who was never wise enough to find out any mistakes
in himself will not be charitable enough to excuse mistakes in others.
%%
He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the
clouds shall not reap.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xi, 4
%%
He that pays for work before it's done, has but a pennyworth for two pence.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
He that pities another, remembers himself.
%%
He that plants thorns must never expect to gather roses.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Ignorant Physician, Chap. iii, Fable viii
%%
He that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvii, 9
%%
He that riseth late is not campaigning in New York today.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
He that scattereth thorns must not go barefoot.
 -- Thomas Fuller, English physician and writer
%%
He that sips of many arts, drinks of none.
 -- Fulton
%%
He that spareth his rod hateth his son.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiii, 24
%%
He that spends all his life in sport is like one who wears nothing
but fringes and eats nothing but sauces.
 -- Fuller
%%
He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xv, 4
%%
He that toucheth pitch shall be defiled therewith.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus xiii, 1
%%
He that uses many words for the explaining any subject, doth like
the cuttlefish, hide himself for the most part in his own ink.
 -- Ray
%%
He that waits upon another's trencher, makes many a little dinner.
 -- Proverb
%%
He that wants money, means, and content is without three good friends.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
He that will have no books but those that are scarce, evinces about
as correct a taste in literature as he would do in friendship, who
would have no friends but those whom all the rest of the world have
sent to coventry.
 -- Colton
%%
He that will keep a monkey should pay for the glasses he breaks.
 -- Seldon
%%
He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils, for time
is the greatest innovator.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
He that will not command his thoughts will soon lose the command
of his actions.
%%
He that will not when he may,
When he would he shall have nay.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
He that would have a cake out of the wheat must tarry the grinding.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from
oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that
will reach to himself.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
He that would not when he might,
  He shall not when he wolda.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- The Friar of Orders Gray
%%
He that would the daughter win,
Must with the mother first begin.
 -- English Proverb
%%
He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill.
Our antagonist is our helper.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 453
%%
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
%%
He thinks he could easily win your heart.
%%
"He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived."
 -- Wanda, A Fish Called Wanda
%%
He thought a glacier was a bloke who fixed windows.
 -- Rimmer
%%
He thought as a sage, though he felt as a man.
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Hermit
%%
"He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
   Descending from the bus:
He looked again, and found it was
   A Hippopotamus:
'If this should stay to dine,' he said,
      'There won't be much for us.'"
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Sylvie and Bruno"
%%
"He thought he saw a Buffalo
  Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
    His sister's husband's niece.
'Unless you leave this house,' he said,
        'I'll send for the Police!'"
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Sylvie and Bruno"
%%
He thought he saw an albatross, that fluttered round the lamp....
%%
He thought he saw an albatross That fluttered 'round the lamp. He looked again
and saw it was A penny postage stamp. "You'd best be getting home," he said,
"The nights are rather damp."
%%
"He thought he saw an Elephant,
       That practiced on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
  A letter from his wife.
'At length I realize,' he said,
      'The bitterness of life!'"
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Sylvie and Bruno"
%%
"He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
      That questioned him in Greek,
He looked again and found it was
       The Middle of Next Week.
'The one thing I regret,' he said,
  'Is that it cannot speak!'"
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Sylvie and Bruno"
%%
He thought the formula for water was H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O, H-to-O.
%%
"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!"
 -- CBS baseball announcer, from Wes Ono (Seattle, WA, USA)
%%
He [Tiberius] upbraided Macro, in no obscure and indirect terms, "with
forsaking the setting sun and turning to the rising."
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD)
 -- Annales, vi, 52 (46)
%%
He told us he was going to take crime out of the streets.  He did.
 He took it into the damn White House.
%%
He took his vorpal sword in hand
 Long time the manxom foe he sought
 Till rested he by the tumtum tree
 And stood awhile in thought
 -- _Jabberwocky_, by Lewis Carroll (Charles Dodgson)
%%
He touch'd the tender stops of various quills,
With eager thought warbling his Doric lay.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 188
%%
He travels fastest who travels alone... but he hasn't anything to
do when he gets there.
%%
He travels the fastest who travels alone.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me I was pregnant.
 -- Carol Leifer
%%
He tried the luxury of doing good.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- Tales of the Hall, Book iii, Boys at School
%%
He trudg'd along unknowing what he sought,
And whistled as he went, for want of thought.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Cymon and Iphigenia, Line 84
%%
He turn'd him right and round about
  Upon the Irish shore,
And gae his bridle reins a shake,
  With, "Adieu for evermore, my dear,
  And adieu for evermore."
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- A' for our Rightfu' King
%%
Heuristic devices don't tell you when to stop.
 -- The Banana Principle
%%
Heuristics are bug ridden by definition.  If they didn't have bugs, then they'd
be algorithms.
%%
He used to define justice as "a virtue of the soul distributing that
which each person deserved."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
He used to say that it was better to have one friend of great value
than many friends who were good for nothing.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Anarcharsis, v
%%
He used to say that other men lived to eat, but that he ate to live.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Socrates, xvi
%%
He used to say that personal beauty was a better introduction than any letter;
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
He used to teach that God is incorporeal, as Plato also asserted,
and that his providence extends over all the heavenly bodies.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xiii
%%
He (Van Basten) was lucky to not avoid getting sent off.
%%
He wales a portion with judicious care;
And "Let us worship God," he says with solemn air.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Cotter's Saturday Night
%%
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
%%
He wants a shoe horn, the kind with teeth.
%%
He was a bold man that first eat an oyster.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
He was a burning and a shining light.
 -- New Testament
 -- John v, 35
%%
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a
 woman out of dirt and married her.  But when he kissed her, she disintegrated.
 Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people
 laughed, and the cowboy shot them.  At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll
 be waiting for you in heaven---with a gun."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
He was a good man, and a just.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xxiii, 50
%%
He was a little "off" I think is the term ... One day he said to me, "I'm
 gonna fly." I said, "I believe ya can, Maynard, I've seen ya do a lot of
 wild things. I think you can fly." We went up to Willard's Bluff ...

 He Scotch-taped a hundred forty-six pigeons to his arms.

 He said, "I know I can do it ... I know I can." I said, "Don't repeat
 yourself, just do it." He was airborne for a good twenty seconds. Then some
 kid came from outta nowhere, threw a bag of popcorn in the stone quarry,
 and he bashed his brains out.
 -- Jonathan Winters
%%
He Was A Low Down, Cheap Little Punk! (YEAH PUNK!)
%%
He was a man
Of an unbounded stomach.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
He was a man, take him for all in all,
I shall not look upon his like again.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
He was a man, which, as Plato saith, is a very inconstant creature.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- On the Tranquillity of the Mind
%%
He was a man
Who stole the livery of the court of Heaven
To serve the Devil in.
 -- Robert Pollok (1799-1827)
 -- The Course of Time, Book viii, Line 616
%%
He was a modest, good-humored boy. It was Oxford that made him insufferable.
%%
"He was a multi-millionaire... Wanna know how he made all of his money?
... He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries
in..."
 -- Stephen Wright
%%
He was an angry man, Uncle Swanny. He had printed on his grave: "What are
 you lookin' at?"
 -- Margaret Smith
%%
He was a scholar, and a ripe and good one;
Exceeding wise, fair-spoken, and persuading;
Lofty and sour to them that loved him not,
But to those men that sought him sweet as summer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
[He was] a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked
like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
He was as sincere as a tap dancer's smile.
 -- Morey Amsterdam
%%
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
%%
He was as tough as a two dollar steak
%%
"He was a thief, and a terrorist, but on the other hand he had
a tremendous singing voice."
 -- Batman (movie)
%%
He was a veray parfit gentil knight.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 72
%%
He was a wight of high renowne,
  And those but of a low degree;
Itt 's pride that putts the countrye doune,
  Then take thine old cloake about thee.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Take thy old Cloak about Thee
%%
He was a wise man who invented God.
 -- Plato
%%
He was calling me a machine, but since he undoubtably
defines himself as a human being, I shall chose to accept
that as more of a complement than anything else....
 -- Avon
%%
"He was dull in a new way, and that made many people think him GREAT."
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), on Thomas Grey
%%
He was ever precise in promise-keeping.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
He was exhal'd; his great Creator drew
His spirit, as the sun the morning dew.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- On the Death of a very young Gentleman
%%
He was indeed the glass
Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
  He was like a child who thinks he sees the outline of an animal in
the pebbles on a beach and immediately rearranges them here and there
until there can be no possible question.
 -- B.F. Skinner Walden Two
%%
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
%%
He was not afraid to die.  Oh, brave Sir Robin!
%%
       He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp
       Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken;
       To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
       And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
He was not merely a chip of the old block, but the old block itself.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- On Pitt's First Speech, Feb. 26, 1781, From Wraxall's Memoirs,
 -- First Series, Vol. i, p. 342
%%
He was not of an age, but for all time.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- To the Memory of Shakespeare
%%
He wasn't exactly hostile to facts, but he was apathetic about them.
 -- Woolcott Gibbs
%%
He wasn't much of an actor, he wasn't much of a Governor -- Hell, they
HAD to make him President of the United States.  It's the only job he's
qualified for!
 -- Michael Cain
%%
He was once asked what a friend is, and his answer was, "One soul
abiding in two bodies."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
He was put in a pie by Mrs. McGregor.
%%
He was singing a song about a girl who possessed a...dicky di-do?
...Oh, yes. It's a lovely old hymn, isn't it.
 -- Queenie and Edmund : Beer
%%
He was so crooked you could use him to pull corks with.
%%
He was so good he would pour rose-water on a toad.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- A Charitable Man
%%
He was so lonely he couldn't eat Jell-O without fondling it first.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
%%
He was so ugly, the tide wouldn't go out with him.
%%
"He was sweet and sincere and giving and good...
 AND A CHERISHED NEIGHBOR UNDESERVING OF SUCH A FATE!!

"Nevertheless, better him than me.  Amen."
 -- Eulogy given by Banana PC Jr to Opus in "Bloom County"
%%
He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's
what I hated about him.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
He was the mildest manner'd man
That ever scuttled ship or cut a throat.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 41
%%
He was the nearest thing I'd seen to a human being without actually being
 one.
 -- Spike Milligan
%%
He was the Word, that spake it:
He took the bread and brake it;
And what that Word did make it,
I do believe and take it.
 -- Dr. John Donne (1573-1631)
 -- Divine Poems, On the Sacrament
%%
He was wearing a velvet shirt open to the navel. And he didn't have one.
 Which is either a show-business gimmick or the ultimate rejection of
 mother.
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
He wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
He wears the rose
Of youth upon him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iii, Sc. 13
%%
He went away with a flea in 's ear.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- Love's Cure, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
He went off in a huff. Make that a minute-and-a-huff.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating
with it.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
He who adds not to his learning diminishes it.
 -- The Talmud
%%
He who allows himself to be insulted, deserves to be.
 -- Pierre Corneille (1606-1684)
%%
He who allows his day to pass by without practicing generosity and
enjoying life's pleasures is like a blacksmith's bellows - he breathes
but does not live.
 -- Sanskrit Proverb
%%
He who allows oppression shares the crime.
%%
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
%%
He who ascends to mountain-tops shall find
The loftiest peaks most wrapt in clouds and snow;
He who surpasses or subdues mankind
Must look down on the hate of those below.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 45
%%
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains
a fool forever.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks
democracy itself.
 -- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
%%
He who beats his sword into a plowshare usually ends up
plowing for those who kept their swords.
%%
He who beleives in nobody knows that he himself is not to be trusted.
%%
He who believes that calculators shouldn't be used in the classroom
because they hinder mathematical THINKING processes should not EVEN
think about owning a Mac.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
%%
He who blows at the foam in his beer is not thirsty.
 -- Talmud.
%%
        He who blows his own horn
     always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.
 -- Boucher's Observation
%%
He who boasts of an open mind may only have a vacant one.
%%
He who builds according to every man's advice
will have a crooked house.
 -- Danish proverb
%%
He who cachinnates ultimately, cachinnates optimally.
%%
He who can, does. He who cannot teaches.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
He who cannot agree with his enemies is controlled by them.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
He who can properly define and divide is to be considered a god.
 -- Plato
%%
He who can take advice is sometimes superior to him who can give it.
 -- Von Knebel
%%
He who can will. He who can't, will teach.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
He who carries out one good deed acquires one advocate in his own
behalf, and he who commits one transgression acquires one accuser
against himself.  Repentance and good works are like a shield against
calamity.
 -- The Talmud
%%
He who ceases to learn cannot adequately teach.
%%
He who comes from the kitchen, smells of its smoke; and he who adheres
to a sect, has something of its cant; the college air pursues the
student; and dry inhumanity him who herds with literary pedants.
 -- Lavater
%%
He who conceals a useful truth is equally guilty with the propagator
of an injurious falsehood.
 -- Augustine
%%
He who covets what belongs to another deservedly loses his own.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book i, Fable 4, 1
%%
He who dares to teach must never cease to learn.
 -- John Cotton Dana, libraria (motto of Kean College of New Jersey)
%%
He who dares wins.
 -- Derek Trotter, entrepreneur U.K.
%%
He who depends on another man's table often dines late.
 -- Italian proverb
%%
He who desires, but acts not, breeds pestilence.
 -- William Blake
%%
He who despises himself nevertheless esteems himself as a self-despiser:
 -- Nietzsche
%%
He who did well in war just earns the right
To begin doing well in peace.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Luria, Act ii
%%
He who dies with the most access, wins.
%%
He who dies with the most Ferret TAGLINES wins!
%%
He who dies with the most FRIENDS wins.
%%
He who dies with the most hardware WINS!
%%
He who dies with the most of anything, is still dead.
%%
He who dies with the most software WINS!
%%
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
%%
He who dies with the most toys LEAVES THEM ALL BEHIND.
%%
He who dies with the most toys probably dies broke.
%%
He who dies with the most Tribbles taglines wins.
%%
He who does not bellow the truth when he knows the truth makes himself the
 accomplice of liars and forgers.
 -- French philosopher Charles Peguy
%%
He who doesn't like cats doesn't like pets smarter than he.
%%
He who doesn't understand your silence won't understand your words.
%%
He who drives fat oxen should himself be fat.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
He who edits least edits best.
 -- Arnold Gingrich
%%
He who endeavors to serve, to benefit, and improve the world, is like
a swimmer, who struggles against a rapid current, in a river lashed
into angry waves by the winds.  Often they roar over his head, often
they beat him back and baffle him.  Most men yield to the stress of
the current...  Only here and there the stout, strong heart and vigorous
arms struggle on toward ultimate success.
 -- Albert Pike (1809-1891)
%%
He who enters contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors.
%%
He who enters his wife's dressing room is a philosopher or a fool.
 -- Balzac
%%
He who envies another admits his own inferiorities.
%%
He who fears death dies every time he thinks of it.
%%
He who fights the devil with his own weapons, must not wonder if
he finds him an overmatch.
 -- South
%%
He who findeth sensuous pleasures in the bodies of lush, hot, pink
 damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.
%%
He who findeth sensuous splendor in the hot pink bodys of luscious
  damsels is not righteous.
%%
He who finds Fortune on his side should go briskly ahead, for she
is wont to favor the bold.
 -- Baltasar Gracian
%%
He who finds his foot... is seldom the one with it in his mouth.
%%
He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
%%
He who flames improperly risks making an ash of himself!
 -- Jeff Klumpp (jdk@ficc.uu.net)
%%
He who flees will fight again.
 -- Tertullian (160-240 AD)
 -- De Fuga in Persecutione, c. 10
%%
He who flies by seat of pants should not eat prunes!
%%
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
%%
He who gets too big for his britches gets exposed in the end.
 -- Wain's Conclusion
%%
He who gives up freedom for security deserves neither.
%%
He who gives while he lives
 Also knows where it goes.
 -- Percy Ross
%%
He who grown aged in this world of woe,
In deeds, not years, piercing the depths of life,
So that no wonder waits him.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 5
%%
He who has an opinion of his own, but depends on the opinion and tastes
of others is a slave.
 -- Klopstock
%%
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
%%
He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, and he who has
 one enemy shall meet him everywhere.
 -- Ali Ben Abu Taleb
%%
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
 -- F. Nietzsche
%%
He who has burned his mouth blows his soup.
%%
He who has had, has been, but he who hasn't been, has been had.
%%
He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope has everything.
 -- Arabian Proverb
%%
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
%%
"He who has never hoped can never despair."
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Caesar and Cleopatra", Act IV
%%
He who has no conscience makes up by lacking it.
%%
He who has no mind to trade with the devil, should be so wise as
to keep from his shop.
 -- South
%%
He who has plenty of pepper will pepper his cabbage.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 673
%%
"He who has so little knowledge of human nature as
 to seek happiness by changing anything but his own
 disposition will waste his life in fruitless
 efforts."
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much
 a master of the world as he who is ready to die.
 -- Giacomo Leopardi
%%
He who has the remote control, rules!!!
%%
He who has, worries; he who has not, longs.
%%
He who hates vices hates mankind.
%%
He who hath bent him o'er the dead
Ere the first day of death is fled,--
The first dark day of nothingness,
The last of danger and distress,
Before decay's effacing fingers
Have swept the lines where beauty lingers.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 68
%%
He who hath many friends hath none.
 -- Aristotle
%%
He who hesitates at the wrong time is lunch for a shark.
%%
He who hesitates goes after me.
%%
He who hesitates is a damned fool.
 -- Mae West (1892-1980)
%%
He who hesitates is bossed.
%%
He who hesitates is constipated.
%%
He who hesitates is last.
%%
He who hesitates is likely to miss the bus.
%%
He who hesitates is not only lost, but several
miles from the next freeway exit.
 -- Nowlan's Theory
%%
He who hesitates is poor.
 -- Max Bialystock
%%
He who hesitates is probably right.
 -- Bogovich's Law
%%
He who hesitates is probably smart.
%%
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
 -- James Thurber, writer
%%
He who hesitates is trampled by the mob.
%%
He who hesitates.........miss'es out !!!
%%
He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.
%%
He who hogs the joint gets stonedest
%%
He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
%%
He who imitates evil always goes beyond the limits of
 the example, whereas he who imitates what is good, always falls short.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
He who invents adages for others to peruse
takes along rowboat when going on cruise.
%%
He who is bent on doing evil can never want occasion.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 459
%%
He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a maso.
%%
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
%%
He who is henpecked may lend an ear to other chicks.
%%
He who is known as an early riser can stay in bed till noon.
%%
He who is most slow in making a promise, is the most faithful in
the performance of it.
 -- Rousseau
%%
He who is not busy being born, is busy dying.
%%
He who is not impatient is not in love.
 -- Italian Proverb
%%
He who is priceless cannot sell himself to others.
%%
He who is still laughing hasn't yet heard the bad news.
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
He who knows does not speak, He who speaks does not know.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
He who knows nothing, loves nothing.
He who can do nothing understands nothing.
He who understands nothing is worthless.
 -- Paracelsus
%%
He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
He who knows others is clever; he who knows himself is enlightened.
 -- Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher and founder of Taoism
%%
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
 -- Lao Tsu
%%
He who laughs at a Klingon, never laughs again.
%%
He who laughs last found the dirty meaning.
%%
He who laughs last has the slowest sense of humor.
%%
He who laughs last is at 300 baud.
%%
He who laughs last is generally a bit slow.
%%
He who laughs last is generally the last to get the joke.
 -- Terry Cohen
%%
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
%%
He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
 -- Bocklage's Law
%%
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
%%
He who laughs, lasts.
%%
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
%%
He who laughs last uses OS/2.
%%
He who learns but does not think, is lost!  He who thinks but does
not learn is in great danger.
 -- Confucius
%%
He who let woman on top is fucking up.
%%
He who lies down with dogs probably has a wife who keeps seven or more cats
 in the bedroom.
%%
He who lives by the crystal ball soon learns to eat ground glass.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
He who lives by the Mac, dies by the IBM.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
He who lives by the Mac needs to get out more.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
%%
He who lives by the sword is a regular cut-up!
%%
He who lives by the sword laughs last.
%%
He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword.
%%
He who lives by the sword, will eventually be wiped out by some bastard
with a sawn off shotgun
 -- Steaddie Eddy
%%
He who lives out his days has had a long life.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
He who lives will die.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
%%
He Who Made kittens - Put Snakes In The Grass !!
%%
He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.
%%
He who marries the Spirit of his Age, soon becomes a widower.
%%
He whom the gods favour dies in youth.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Bacchides, Act iv, Sc. 7, 18, (816.)
%%
He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.
 -- Samuel Smiles
%%
He who opens a school door closes a prison.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker.
%%
He who picks up one end of a stick picks up the other. He who chooses the
beginning of a road chooses the place it leads to.
 -- Henry Fosdick
%%
He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
%%
He who plays with self, pulls boner.
%%
He who possesses art and science has religion; he who does not possess
them, needs religion.
 -- Goethe
%%
He who possesses most must be most afraid of loss.
%%
He who possesses the hockey stick, rules the household!
%%
He who proselytizes in the cause of unbelief is basically a man in
need of belief.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.
%%
He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the
kingdom of winners.
%%
He who rapes a man's daughter, draws and quarters his
 son, and buries his wife alive in an anthill should not expect to
 sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.
%%
He who reads many fortunes gets confused.
%%
He who reasons with fools dresses in warm aspic.
%%
He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one
should never remember it.
 -- Charron
%%
He who reforms himself, has done more towards reforming the public,
than a crowd of noisy, impotent patriots.
 -- Lavater
%%
He who refuses to embrace a unique opportunity loses the prize as
surely as if he had failed.
 -- William James
%%
He who refuses to listen is lying.
%%
He who reigns within himself, and rules passions, desires and fears,
is more than a king.
 -- Milton
%%
He who rides a tiger cannot dismount.
%%
He who rides the tiger finds it difficult to get down.
%%
He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition burns a picture to obtain the
ashes.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
He who saves one life, saves the world entire.
%%
He who says disk space is free, thinks money grows on directory tree.
%%
He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly answers,
and ceases when he has no more to say, is in possession of some of
the best requisites of man.
 -- Lavater
%%
He who sees only half the problem will be buried in the other half.
 -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
He who sees what comes out, and why, gains wisdom.
 -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
He whose pride oppresses the humble may, perhaps, be humbled, but
will never be humble.
 -- Lavater
%%
He who shall introduce into public affairs the principles of primitive
 Christianity will change the face of the world.
 -- Benjamin Franklin, while he was US Ambassador to France
%%
He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return.
 -- South African Saying
%%
He who should teach men to die would at the same time teach them to live.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. xviii,
 -- That Men are not to judge of our Happiness till after Death
%%
 He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
 -- Swipple's Rule of Order
%%
He who sits on the pinnacle of power is still sitting on his own backside
%%
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
%%
He who slings mud generally loses ground.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
%%
He who speaks the truth must have one foot in the stirrup.
 -- Armenian proverb
%%
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
%%
He who spends five dollars for entertainment on a truck stop parking lot is
 apt to get far more than he paid for...
%%
He who stands in corner with hands in pocket
 doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.
%%
He who steals for others ends up being hanged for himself.
%%
He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
%%
He who steps on others to reach the top wins.
%%
He who studies books alone will know how things ought to be; and he who studies
men will know how they are.
%%
He who talks too much commits a sin.
%%
He who tells a lie is not sensible how great a task he undertakes;
for he must be forced to invent twenty more to maintain that one.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
He who think by the inch,
and talk by the mile,
ought to be kicked by the foot.
%%
He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked
by the foot.
%%
He who thinks he is raising a mound may only in reality be digging a
 pit
 -- Ernest Bramah
%%
He who throws mud loses ground.
%%
He who trains his tongue to quote the learned
 sages, will be known far and wide as a smart ass.
 -- Howard Kandel
%%
He who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one.
 -- Japanese Proverb
%%
He who turns and runs away gets shot in the back.
%%
He who undertakes too much seldom succeeds.
 -- Dutch proverb
%%
He who uses an 8088 will be reincarnated as one.
%%
He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck.
%%
He who when called upon to speak a disagreeable truth, tells it boldly
and has done, is both bolder and milder than he who nibbles in a
low voice and never ceases nibbling.
 -- Lavater
%%
He who will not risk, cannot win.
 -- John Paul Jones
%%
He who wishes to secure the good of others has already secured his own.
 -- Confucius.
%%
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
 -- M C Escher
%%
He who worships Divine Duck will soon sing swan song.
%%
He who would leap high must take a long run.
 -- Proverb
%%
He who would not be frustrate of his hope to write well hereafter
in laudable things ought himself to be a true poem.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Apology for Smectymnuus
%%
He who would prove all life, leaves it empty. To know the way of everything
is to be left with the geometry of things and with the substance of
nothing. To reduce the world to an equation is to leave it without
head or feet.
 -- Leopold Alas Y Urena (1852-1901)
 -- The Cock of Socrates (1901)
%%
He will give the devil his due.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
He will hold thee, when his passion shall have spent its novel force,
Something better than his dog, a little dearer than his horse.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 49
%%
He will laugh thee to scorn.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus xiii, 7
%%
Hewlett Packard does it with precision.
%%
He works for that import-outport bank.
%%
He would be the finer gentleman that should leave the world without
having tasted of lying or pretence of any sort, or of wantonness or
conceit.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 2
%%
He would not, with a peremptory tone,
Assert the nose upon his face his own.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 121
%%
He would personally throw Wesley off the bridge.
 -- Why Kirk is better
%%
He wrecked his car, he lost his job. And yet throughout his life, he took
 his troubles like a man; he blamed them on his wife.
 -- Frank Connors
%%
He writes his plays for the ages- the ages between five and twelve.
 -- George Jean Nathan
%%
:hexadecimal:: n. Base 16.  Coined in the early 1960s to replace
   earlier `sexadecimal', which was too racy and amusing for stuffy
   IBM, and later adopted by the rest of the industry.

   Actually, neither term is etymologically pure.  If we take
   `binary' to be paradigmatic, the most etymologically correct
   term for base 10, for example, is `denary', which comes from
   `deni' (ten at a time, ten each), a Latin `distributive'
   number; the corresponding term for base-16 would be something like
   `sendenary'.  `Decimal' is from an ordinal number; the
   corresponding prefix for 6 would imply something like
   `sextidecimal'.  The `sexa-' prefix is Latin but incorrect in
   this context, and `hexa-' is Greek.  The word `octal' is
   similarly incorrect; a correct form would be `octaval' (to go
   with decimal), or `octonary' (to go with binary).  If anyone ever
   implements a base-3 computer, computer scientists will be faced
   with the unprecedented dilemma of a choice between two
   *correct* forms; both `ternary' and `trinary' have a
   claim to this throne.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hex, bugs, and rock-n-roll
%%
Hex Dump: Place for witches to get rid of used curses
%%
:hexit: /hek'sit/ n. A hexadecimal digit (0--9, and A--F or a--f).
   Used by people who claim that there are only *ten* digits,
   dammit; sixteen-fingered human beings are rather rare, despite what
   some keyboard designs might seem to imply (see {space-cadet
   keyboard}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hex math would be easier if I had 16 fingers.
%%
:hex: n. 1. Short for {{hexadecimal}}, base 16.  2. A 6-pack
   of anything (compare {quad}, sense 2).  Neither usage has
   anything to do with {magic} or {black art}, though the pun is
   appreciated and occasionally used by hackers.  True story: As a
   joke, some hackers once offered some surplus ICs for sale to be
   worn as protective amulets against hostile magic.  The chips were,
   of course, hex inverters.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hex Tag: 47 65 74 20 61 20 6c 69 66 65 2c 20 67 65 65 6b.
%%
Hey! $3000 ringside ticket!  Pentium vs. PowerPC!!  COD only!
%%
Hey, a tagline's only got so much room.
%%
Hey Attillary, what did Eleanor's ghost "advise" you to do today?
%%
Hey-AY!! Take it easy, Ralphie-boy!!
 -- Ed Norton
%%
Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Hey babe I would love to hang around here and chat, but if I don't
score soon I will miss my bus.
%%
Hey babe, Wanna get LUCKY?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Hey babe, wanna see the Captain's log?
%%
Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper??
 -- Pick up line
%%
Hey baby...infect me
 -- Pick up line.
%%
Hey baby, it's getting late, I think I'm in the mood.
 -- Rush.
%%
Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
 -- Pick up line
%%
Hey, bartender, a thousand pints of light!
 -- Second City Players
%%
Hey, Beavis and Butt-head, I'm NOT laughing.
%%
Hey Beavis, would you skate with him? huh huh huh
%%
Hey Beer Man! Two down here!
%%
Hey, Bill! Castro just dissed you, homey! You too dumb to notice?
%%
Hey, Bill! Do us a favor and have an affair with Lorena Bobbit!
%%
Hey, Bill! North Korea just dissed you, homey! You too dumb to notice?
%%
Hey Bob! Wanna see my Pee-Wee' Herman impression?
%%
Hey Boo Boo!
%%
Hey buddy... Got any spare cache?
%%
"Hey buddy, wanta go look for UFO's?"
 -- Marshall to Simon, "Heart on a Chain", Eerie Indiana
%%
Hey, Captain! I just created a black ho}].<c3.NO CRUSHER
%%
Hey Cat, get off that..! -NO CARRIER-
%%
"Hey Charlie, what's that noise?"
     "I dunno -- must be SKYLAB!"
 -- Dogs In Space
%%
Hey, check out this neat spell from the Necronomicon: "Shaddu yu^$$$#NO
%%
Hey Chris!  Glad you were the one to stea----ummm, borrow them!
%%
HEY CONGRESS! What ever happened to the Constitution?
%%
"Hey Dad, if I saved up my allowance, could I buy a monkey?"
"Of course not!"
"OK, then I won't save up."
 -- Leave It To Beaver
%%
Hey, dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?
%%
"Hey Dad, you crossed my line of death!"
 -- Robocop
%%
Hey, diddle, diddle! The cat and the fiddle...
 -- Nursery rhyme
%%
Hey Diddle Diddle the cat and the Fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed to see so much fun and... Dr Tobias... ummmm.... errr
your really not going to believe this but.... my program documentation ran
away with the spoon.
 --  from "Orin's excuses why his programs lack documentation"
%%
Hey, Doc, got anything I can take for kleptomania?
%%
Hey, don't ask me, I'm just an Anthropomorphic Personification.
%%
HEY!  Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.
%%
Hey, don't drink that poison -- it's four dollars an ounce!
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), "A Day at the Races"
%%
Hey! Don't pick up that pho+<#Abe+++t  NO CARRIER
%%
Hey, don't piss me off! I've got a BIG magnet!
%%
Hey, don't rush me!  I'm only a limb bough.  (Limbaugh)
%%
Hey! Don't shoot that postal worker <BANG!< NO  CARRIER
%%
"Hey, don't worry, I've read all about doing this sort of thing!"
 -- ...the scariest words of the afternoon
 -- Vernor Vinge
%%
Hey, do THIS in a batch!
%%
"Hey, er..." said Zaphod, "what's your name?"
The man looked at them doubtfully.
"I don't know.       Why, do you think I should have one?  It seems very odd to
give a bundle of vague sensory perceptions a name."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Hey Everybody! Dan's buying the drinks!
%%
Hey everybody! Dan's buying the hockey tickets!
%%
"Hey, Flaming Carrot!... What makes you so brave?"
  "It's my birthday.  Now get outta here!"
 -- FLAMING CARROT
%%
Hey gang! Let's all sing along with Mitch!
%%
Hey! Get back here, I'm not finished yet...
%%
"Hey, gimme five dollars!"
  "Kid, does the name Bernhard Goetz mean anything to you?"
 -- From "The American"
%%
Hey, go buy a plane ticket to another state of mind, okay?
%%
Hey, go fly a kite in an electrical storm.
%%
Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone!
%%
Hey, Happy Halloween Cool Dudes!
                                    |\/\/\/|
                                    |      |
                                    |      |
                                    | (o)(o)
                                    C      _)
                         -.          | ,___|      .-
                     _..-'(          |   /        )`-.._
                  ./'. '||\\.       /____\       .//||` .`\.
               ./'.|'.'||||\\|..   /      \   ..|//||||`.`|.`\.
            ./'..|'.|| |||||\`````` '||||` ''''''/||||| ||.`|..`\.
          ./'.||'.|||| ||||||||||||.||||||.|||||||||||| ||||.`||.`\.
         /'|||'.|||||| ||||||||||||{||||||}|||||||||||| ||||||.`|||`\
        '.|||'.||||||| ||||||||||||{||||||}|||||||||||| |||||||.`|||.`
       '.||| ||||||||| |/'   ``\||``||||||''||/''   `\| ||||||||| |||.`
       |/' \./'     `\./         \!|\||||/|!/         \./'     `\./ `\|
       V    V         V          }' `\||/' `{          V         V    V
       `    `         `               \/               '         '    '
%%
Hey Harry, try and get *them* to read between the lines.
%%
Hey Harry, what the hell's a JAMF??
%%
Hey, hey, my, my.   Rock and roll will never die.
 There's more to the picture than meets the eye ...
 hey, hey, my, my.
 -- Neil Young
%%
Hey! ... HEY!!! ... What happened to my body?!?
%%
Hey, Homer, what should be put in the bread?    DOH!!!
%%
Hey! I don't have to put up with this!  I'm rich!
%%
Hey! I don't remember BOB.GIF being in the file directory before.
%%
Hey, I had to bring this back on-topic somehow...
%%
Hey! I hear there's a 'MODERATOR' comming soon.
%%
Hey! I just got front row tickets to a Disaster Area concert!
%%
Hey! I'm always fully asleep when I post.
%%
Hey, I'm a Man who stands by his word!
%%
Hey, I'm as much of a nonconformist as the next guy.
 -- Mike Hess
%%
Hey I'm having a party in my mouth, you wanna cum.
%%
Hey! I'm just an ignorant savage! What do you want from me?
%%
HEY! I saw you snatch one of MY opinions! PUT IT BACK OR I'LL SHOOT!!!!!
%%
Hey! Is that your face, or did your neck throw up.
%%
Hey.....it's casual.....
%%
Hey! It's Hopalong Cassidy. Oh wait...it's just Cam Neely.
%%
Hey Ivan, check your six.
 -- Sidewinder missile jacket patch, showing a Sidewinder driving up the tail
 of a Russian Su-27
%%
Hey! I wanted The Stanley Cup!
%%
Hey, I was 'testing' it for 3 years!
%%
Hey, I write in AUTORACE.
%%
Hey, Jim, Are we there yet?
%%
Hey, Jim, it's me, Susy Lillis from the laundromat.  You said you were
gonna call and it's been two weeks.  What's wrong, you lose my number?
%%
Hey, Jim, watch me pull a SYSOP out of my hat.
%%
HEY! Just go on to the next message and no one gets hurt . . .
%%
HEY KID!  Pull my finger... go ahead! * Holiday tricks for Uncles*
%%
Hey kid!  Santa isn't coming this year...I killed him!
%%
Hey kids, get a free Shoggoth in every box of Sugar Coated Cthuloops!
%%
Hey Kid!  This ain't no library!  Beat it!
%%
Hey kid.. Wanna try a BBS? The first time is free!
%%
Hey, kid! Wanna try a network?  The first call is free!
%%
Hey, kid... where's your tagline?
%%
"Hey, kid, you just saved our lives, you know that?"
"Oh, well, it was nothing really...."
"Was it?  Oh well, forget it then."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Hey la hey la! The Sysop's Back!
%%
Hey Lazlo!   Want to see a demostration of gravity?
%%
Hey, look at me, I'm a cowboy !! Howdy, howdy, howdy !!
%%
HEY LOOK, Ifixxedthat spacebarproblem. ohdarn.
%%
Hey, lookit that!  A shark wearing Bob's SCUBA gear!
%%
                           (####)
                         (#######)
                       (#########)  Hey Man -- Don't have a COW!
                      (#########)
 BART!               (#########)         /
   \                (#########)         /
    __&__          (#########)
   /     \        (#########)   |\/\/\/|     /\ /\  /\               /\
  |       |      (#########)    |      |     | V  \/  \---.    .----/  \----.
  |   (o (o)      (o)(o)(##)    |      |      \_        /       \          /
  C   .---_)    ,_C     (##)    | (o)(o)       (o)(o)  <__.   .--\ (o)(o) /__.
   | .(***     /____,   (##)    C      _)     _C         /     \     ()     /
   |  \__/       \     (#)       | ,___|     /____,   )  \      >   (C_)   <
   /_____\        |    |         |   /         \     /----'    /___\____/___
  /_____/ \       OOOOOO        /____\          ooooo             /|    |\
 /         \     /      \      /      \        /     \           /        \

%%
Hey Man, I'm   drinking wine, eating cheese and catching some rays.
 -- Donald Sutherland as Oddball, in Kelly's Heros
%%
Hey Mark stop abusing children, go abuse yourself.
%%
"Hey, Max -- Wake up!  You're missing all the fun!"
"What?"
"A seven-foot specter of evil appeared in front
of the car, so I ran over it.  Sounded like a bag
of laundry going under.  Hope I didn't hurt the
tires.  Want a fig newton?"
 -- Sam and Max, Freelance Police
%%
Hey Michael Jackson, don't forget to write.
%%
Hey Michael: Why don't ya play with Ms Bobbit for awhile?
%%
Hey, Mr. Sysop, Upgrade me or %$^&NO CARRIER
%%
Hey, my PC doesn't have a 16550 UART!
%%
Hey, my PC won't connect with anything at 9600!
%%
Hey Nancy, Mickey said to tell you to shove it.
%%
Hey, nice coat, man.  What's in the pink box?
%%
Hey Norm, how's the world treatin' you? Like a baby treats a diaper.
%%
Hey Norton.. I have a SMALL problem...
%%
Hey Odo, got any more of that Jell-O in the 'fridge?
%%
Hey Pee-Wee', Button your fly!
%%
Hey, please don't pick up that ph{{{~|z{|{ {
%%
Hey, Quaker Oates...make me some oatmeal, I'm hungry.
%%
Hey! Respect your elders. Call me Mr. Old Fart.
 -- Dick Vignoni
%%
Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull an economic plan outta my hat!
%%
"Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of muy hat!"
"But that trick NEVER works!"
"This time fer sure!"
%%
Hey Rocky!  Watch me pull some intelligence out of the internet!
But that trick never works.
This time for sure.
%%
Hey, Roger, does... on, on this, you know, if I'm gonna, if I, if I
decide on my gesture over there... is that all right?... You don't mind?
 -- Senator Dan Quayle asking Roger Ailes's advice
                   on a debating gesture, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Hey, Rush!  Since when is 15 million a majority in this country?
%%
"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?"
"Whattaya need?"
"Oh, about $500."
"Whattaya got for collateral?"
"Whattaya need?"
"How about an eye?"
 -- Giancana [small talk]
%%
Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty boys?
%%
Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
%%
Hey Scouts, I know how to use a compass.  Scouts?  Scouts?!?
%%
Hey, shit happens!
%%
Hey, somebody cut the end off this rope!
%%
Hey! Some fat guy stole my milk and cookies!
%%
"Hey, stewardess.  Run through that seatbelt demonstration
a few more times.  It's unbelievably tricky!"
 -- Herman
%%
Hey! Stop Playing with my memory!
%%
HEY!  Stop reading me!!!
%%
Hey STUPID! Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
%%
Hey !! That lightning came clo$ CARRIER
%%
Hey, that's just the way the cookie gets completely stomped on and obliterated.
%%
Hey! That was funny. Did you hear...
%%
Hey! That was pretty good for Rambo!
%%
Hey, there are nine Scouts. Didn't we leave for camp with ten?
%%
Hey, there goes Elvis... yo, King!
%%
HEY! There is something more important than money...
...it's called breathing.
%%
Hey there! There goes the Spiderman!
%%
Hey -- These are my own ideas, not my employer's.  Don't blame them...
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park!
%%
Hey! This is just like the REAL world!
%%
"Hey, this is not a lending library.  If you're not going to buy that thing,
put it down or I'll blow your heads off."
 -- Apu, the Kwik-E-Mart clerk, in "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
Hey! This is not my dad's TAGLINE!!!
%%
Hey, this is terrific!  Someone down there is trying to kill us!
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Hey! This Really Works!
%%
Hey, Trixie, what's your earliest memory?
 Umm...I don't remember!
%%
Hey Underpants, I'm talking to YOU!
%%
Hey Vanilla Ice! Meet Mr. Halite!
%%
Hey, wait a minute!!  I want a divorce!!..  you're not Clint Eastwood!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Hey, wait a minute.  This is a script!  There must be a writer around
 here somewhere."
"Ya know, I never thought of it, but there's a logic to that.  Otherwise,
 everybody'd make things up as they go along, and we'd have chaos."
 -- "Reality Takes a Holiday", Eerie Indiana
%%
Hey, waiter!  I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hey, wake up! It's time for your sleeping pills.
%%
Hey Wally!  Come look at this.
%%
Hey! Watch where you aim that thing!
%%
Hey, *we* care. Now get off the &*^@#! line!
%%
Hey, we're out of wine, women, and so$#*&^%NO MERRIER
%%
"Hey! What can possibly go wrong?"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Hey, what'll it be, mac?  Or IBM?  Or Amiga...
%%
Hey, whats that beeping noise? Wheres that smoke coming from?
%%
Hey, what's the idea?
 -- Larry
%%
Hey, what's this ALT-227 thing for?
%%
Hey, where can I get a father board?
%%
HEY!!!! Where's the bubblegum?!?!!!!
%%
Hey! Who loves ya, Baby?
 -- Telly Savalas with lollipop in mouth
%%
Hey, who spilled coffee on my keyboard?!
%%
Hey, who spilled coffee on my Tagline?
%%
Hey! Who's snorting the Dilithium Crystals???
%%
Hey, Worf..I hooked Data up thru Telix...Wanna see?
%%
Hey, Worf, I hooked Data up to a Modem... wanna see?
%%
Hey, would you bangle her? huh huh huh
%%
Hey, wow man, they've got codes for mazurkas!
%%
Hey! Ya know they're goalie-less! The Bruins bite the dust!
%%
Hey You can't park there
 Mohican to first American settlers.
%%
Hey, you got a problem buddy??!!
%%
Hey you kids,  .......get out of that Jello tree!
%%
Hey, your buffer's open...
%%
Hey! You're back!  How was the treatment program?
%%
Hey! You're Italian! What? You're Jewish? Love your nails!!!
 -- Zappa
%%
Hey, you're pretty funny, Jason. huh huh huh
%%
Hey, you're still moving... have another beer.
%%
Hey! Your Trackball is upside down!
%%
Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect?  There's a frood who really knows
where his towel is.
 -- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Hey! You stole MY Tagline!  THIS MEANS WAR!
%%
HEY YOU!!!!!!!!! STOP YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!
%%
Hey! You've been taking drugs again, haven't you?
%%
Hey, you've got a third eye!  Uh, never mind... it's just a spot of dirt
in the middle of your forehead.
%%
Hey, you've still got your health.
%%
Hey! You with the broken nose!    Play the piano!
 But I don't have a broken nose
      <S M A C K>
 Now shut up and play...
 -- Anon
%%
HF      Hide a File
%%
:h: [from SF fandom] infix. A method of `marking' common words,
   i.e., calling attention to the fact that they are being used in a
   nonstandard, ironic, or humorous way.  Originated in the fannish
   catchphrase "Bheer is the One True Ghod!" from decades ago.
   H-infix marking of `Ghod' and other words spread into the 1960s
   counterculture via underground comix, and into early hackerdom
   either from the counterculture or from SF fandom (the three
   overlapped heavily at the time).  More recently, the h infix has
   become an expected feature of benchmark names (Dhrystone,
   Rhealstone, etc.); this is prob. patterning on the original
   Whetstone (the name of a laboratory) but influenced by the
   fannish/counterculture h infix.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HGA: High Gain Antenna
%%
HGD: Halt, Get Drunk
%%
HHB: Halt and Hang Bus
%%
HHeellpp!!  II''mm  ssttuucckk  iinn  hhaallff  dduupplleexx!!
%%
HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 -- James Brown
%%
Hi.
%%
Hi2uall.
%%
hiatus valde deflendus - (pointing to the stomach)
a gap, deeply to be deplored
%%
Hiawatha a good boy once.
%%
  HIBBERT THE BUILDER (1823-1860)
    St Hibbert made it into Sainthood City by building some of the
    most impressive cathedrals of the 19th century. Unfortunately it
    was realised later that many had structural defects, and by 1910,
    they had all collapsed of their own accord. Hibbert himself died
    when his house collapsed on him during a light breeze.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
HIBERNATE, v.i.  To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion.
There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of
various animals.  Many believe that the bear hibernates during the
whole winter and subsists by mechanically sucking its paws.  It is
admitted that it comes out of its retirement in the spring so lean
that it had to try twice before it can cast a shadow.  Three or four
centuries ago, in England, no fact was better attested than that
swallows passed the winter months in the mud at the bottom of their
brooks, clinging together in globular masses.  They have apparently
been compelled to give up the custom and account of the foulness of
the brooks.  Sotus Ecobius discovered in Central Asia a whole nation
of people who hibernate.  By some investigators, the fasting of Lent
is supposed to have been originally a modified form of hibernation, to
which the Church gave a religious significance; but this view was
strenuously opposed by that eminent authority, Bishop Kip, who did not
wish any honors denied to the memory of the Founder of his family.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
 Hi, can I speak to Mark?...  Oh, there isn't?...  I'm sorry, I
 must have dialed the wrong number.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some
 drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
HIC! HLLP I'M STUSCT IN BOOOZZZE WAREHUSE
%%
Hic! I'm sober as a jug.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
HICK: A person who goes to a family reunion to meet girls.
%%
Hick: looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
%%
Hi DAn - where ever you are!
%%
Hid behind the door when they passed out brains.
%%
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
%%
:hidden flag: [scientific computation] n. An extra option added to
   a routine without changing the calling sequence.  For example,
   instead of adding an explicit input variable to instruct a routine
   to give extra diagnostic output, the programmer might just add a
   test for some otherwise meaningless feature of the existing inputs,
   such as a negative mass.  The use of hidden flags can make a
   program very hard to debug and understand, but is all too common
   wherever programs are hacked on in a hurry.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hide and go puke.
 -- Cat Game #10
%%
Hide inside the smallest space.
 -- Cat Game #7
%%
Hide me from day's garish eye.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 141
%%
Hide, oh, hide those hills of snow
  Which thy frozen bosom bears,
On whose tops the pinks that grow
  Are of those that April wears!
But first set my poor heart free,
Bound in those icy chains by thee.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Bloody Brother, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
"Hideous creatures from other dimensions! What'll I do? What'll I DO?!"
 -- The BADGER considers an everyday problem
%%
Hide the gerbils!  Here comes Clinton's new army!
%%
"Hide the wenches and batten down the access codes... yer about to
be boarded, ye scurvy network news dogs!  Har Har..."
 -- "Bloom County"
%%
Hide wallet!!!  Computer Store ahead!!!
%%
Hiding from the Turing Police
%%
 Hi.  Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your
 regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were
 like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the
 compacted sand?  Well, sometimes I do.  Bye.
 -- Answering machine madness - miscellaneous
%%
 Hi, dudes, this is 229-3053, the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles'
 secret underground hideaway.  I'm afraid we're all out just now
 on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering
 machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to
 April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think
 of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and
 we'll ring you right back.  But don't say anything yet!  Enemy
 agents may be listening.  When the computer has checked they're
 not eavesdropping, it will make a bleeping noise and you can
 speak freely.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Hidy Ho, Kermit the Frog heeeere.
%%
Hier liegt ein Mann ganz obnegleich;
Im Leibe dick, an Suden reich.
Wir haben ihn in das Grab gesteckt,       Here lies a man with sundry flaws
Weil es uns dunkt er sei verreckt.   And numerous Sins upon his head;
                                      We buried him today because
                                   As far as we can tell, he's dead.
 -- PDQ Bach's epitaph, as requested by his cousin Betty
                  Sue Bach and written by the local doggerel catcher;
                   The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach, Peter
                   Schickele
%%
H:      If a 'GOBLIN (HOB) waylays you,
       Slice him up before he slays you.
     Nothing makes you look a slob
 Like running from a HOB'LIN (GOB).
 -- The Roguelet's ABC
%%
Higgeldy Piggeldy,
Hamlet of Elsinore
Ruffled the critics by
Dropping this bomb:
`Phooey on Freud and his
Psychoanalysis --
Oedipus, Shmoedipus,
I just love Mom.'
%%
HIGH ACCURACY .............. All the directories compare
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
HIGH ACCURACY: unit on which all parts fit.
%%
:high bit: [from `high-order bit'] n. 1. The most significant
   bit in a byte.  2. By extension, the most significant part of
   something other than a data byte: "Spare me the whole {saga},
   just give me the high bit."  See also {meta bit}, {hobbit},
   {dread high-bit disease}, and compare the mainstream slang
   `bottom line'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"High characters," cries one, and he would see
Things that ne'er were, nor are, nor e'er will be.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- The Goblins, Epilogue
%%
High Colonic:  Jewish religious holiday...
%%
Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life,
 because we're not ready.  But maybe they'll change their tune after a little
 torture.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Higher Brain malfunction due to lack of sleep and no coffee.
%%
High-erected thoughts seated in the heart of courtesy.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Arcadia, Book i
%%
High expectations are the key to everything.
 -- Sam Walton
%%
High explosives and school don't mix.
%%
High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail.
%%
High heels were invented by a women who had been kissed on the forehead.
%%
High insurance rates are what killed dinosaurs.
%%
High Level Languages are placed on more experienced computers.
%%
:highly: [scientific computation] adv. The preferred modifier for
   overstating an understatement.  As in: `highly nonoptimal', the
   worst possible way to do something; `highly nontrivial', either
   impossible or requiring a major research project; `highly
   nonlinear', completely erratic and unpredictable; `highly
   nontechnical', drivel written for {luser}s, oversimplified to the
   point of being misleading or incorrect (compare {drool-proof
   paper}).  In other computing cultures, postfixing of {in the
   extreme} might be preferred.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
High message: 943432.  Message you last read: 59.
%%
:high moby: /hi:' mohb'ee/ n. The high half of a 512K
   {PDP-10}'s physical address space; the other half was of course
   the low moby.  This usage has been generalized in a way that has
   outlasted the {PDP-10}; for example, at the 1990 Washington D.C.
   Area Science Fiction Conclave (Disclave), when a miscommunication
   resulted in two separate wakes being held in commemoration of the
   shutdown of MIT's last {{ITS}} machines, the one on the upper
   floor was dubbed the `high moby' and the other the `low moby'.
   All parties involved {grok}ked this instantly.  See {moby}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
High on a throne of royal state, which far
Outshone the wealth of Ormus and of Ind,
Or where the gorgeous East with richest hand
Showers on her kings barbaric pearl and gold,
Satan exalted sat, by merit rais'd
To that bad eminence.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 1
%%
 "Highrise Ups and Downs" by L. E. Vader
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
High salaries equals happiness equals project success.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
High school diploma or equivalent required.
%%
High School Education
 -- Oxymoron
%%
High School Teacher: Teaches it because they can't do it!
%%
High tech is potent, precise, and in the end, unbeatable.  The truth is,
it reminds a lot of people of the way I pitch horseshoes.  Would you believe
some of the people?  Would you believe our dog?  Look, I want to give the
high-five symbol to high tech.
 -- George Bush,  April 25, 1989
%%
High thoughts must have high language.
 -- Aristophanes
%%
High Voltage Electronics--life's a glitch, and then you fry.
%%
Highways in worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts,
which results in low priority for repair work.
%%
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's Hand Grenades I throw!
%%
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's Nitro-9 we throw!
 -- Ace & 7 dwarves
%%
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, its off to the institution I go!
%%
Hi ho, Hi ho, its off to work we go.
%%
Hi honey, did you miss me? With every bullet so far!
%%
Hi!  I am a disabled .signature virus.
%%
 Hi!  I can't answer the phone right now.  Bob, that's my pet
 parakeet, just swallowed a cherry bomb.  It wasn't lit, but I've
 got to get him to the bathroom.  Uh-oh!  (Sound of a paper bag
 exploding.)
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Hi!  I can't remember your name either.
%%
HIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAA!
 -- Miss Piggy
%%
Hi! I'll be your asshole for the evening.
%%
Hi! I'm a mutating signature virus.  You can resist helping me spread!
%%
Hi I'm a tagline virus. Steal me & join in the fun.
%%
Hi, I'm a tagline.  When I grow up I'm gonna be a novel!
%%
Hi! I'm Barney! Will you be my **CHOMP**
%%
Hi, I'm Chip. Micro Chip. Eight-o-four-eighty-six!
%%
Hi, I'm Chip. Micro Chip. Eight-o-three-eighty-six!
%%
Hi. I'm Hillary. Welcome to your worst nightmare.
%%
 Hi. I'm Johnny. I am five years old. I couldn't think of anything
 dirty to say, so I drew this fucking flower.
 -- Toilet graffiti written under a picture of a crudely drawn flower
%%
Hi, I'm Larry.  This is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother
Darryl.
%%
Hi, I'm lsydexic.
%%
"Hi.  I'm Luther.  Dumb ol' Luther -- the happy
 sidekick.  The comedy relief. And I'm going to kill you."
 -- Luthor's cybernetic logic finally gives, in AMERICAN FLAGG!
%%
Hi, I'm Norman.  Welcome to the Bates Motel.
%%
 Hi, I'm not home because I've gone on a BLOODY RAMPAGE!  When I
 get home, and CLEAN OFF THE BLOOD, I'll be sure to give you a
 call.  If I haven't ALREADY COME OVER, that is.  (Coughing loony
 laughter.)
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
Hi, I'm not only a Ranger, I'm also the President!
 -- Hair Club For Men ad
%%
Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet.
As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of
equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney.
Do you have a car or a job?   Do you ever walk around?  If so, you
probably have the makings of an excellent legal case.  Although of
course every case is different, I would definitely say that based on my
experience and training, there's no reason why you shouldn't come out
of this thing with at least a cabin cruiser.

Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our
motto is:   'It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.'
 -- Dave Barry, Pain and Suffering
%%
 Hi.  I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
 Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Hi, I'm Professor Alan Ginsburg... But you can call me... Captain Toke.
 -- John Lovitz, as ex-Supreme Court nominee Alan Ginsburg, on SNL
%%
"Hi, I'm Simon. Are you a girl or a lady?"
 -- Simon (to Melanie), "Heart on a Chain", Eerie Indiana
%%
Hi. I'm the tagline your mother warned you about.
%%
Hi! I'm your quote for this evening...
%%
Hi - internet = griffith@olympus.net
%%
Hi June, how's the beaver?
%%
Hi. Just called to touch base with you guys.
 -- Dave Parker, Sage Inc.
%%
Hikers do it naturally.
%%
Hi, kids!
%%
Hi, kids!  Ed Barbera here!
%%
Hillary Clinton: America's biggest hypocrite.
%%
Hillary Clinton: America's designated hitler.
%%
Hillary Clinton: America's Eva Peron
%%
Hillary Clinton: Arkansas "rainmaker" not hotshot lawyer.
%%
Hillary Clinton honest??? BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
%%
Hillary Clinton honest?!? Don't make me laugh.
%%
Hillary Clinton in an apron is like Michael Dukakis in a tank.
%%
Hillary Clinton is a closet ditto-head!
%%
Hillary Clinton of Borg - Prepare to have your salary assimilated!
%%
Hillary Clinton: political remora.
%%
Hillary Clinton's favorite breakfast?  Shredded wheat.
%%
Hillary Clinton's favorite movie? "Mommy Dearest"
%%
Hillary Clinton's favorite movie? "Plan 9 From Outer Space"
%%
Hillary Clinton's favorite movie? "Rosemary's Baby"
%%
Hillary Clinton's favorite movie? "The Omen"
%%
Hillary Clinton's favorite song?  "If I Only Had a Heart"
%%
Hillary Clinton slept her way to the top.
%%
Hillary Clinton stars in "Plan 9 From Outer Arkansas"
%%
Hillary Clinton: the little first lady with megalomania.
%%
Hillary doesn't need a face lift, just an ego lowering.
%%
Hillary, have Yeltsin call back, I'm doing Mr. Rogers.
%%
HILLARY: (H)usband (I)s (L)ying (L)ike (A) (R)ednecked (Y)okel
%%
Hillary needs a _REAL_ man!
%%
Hillary of Borg:  Choice is irrelevant.
%%
Hillary's broom was seen fleeing Foster "suicide" scene.
%%
Hillary's follies!  OUR HEALTH!
%%
Hillary's health care plan has more holes than a tennis racket.
%%
Hillary's in charge of Bill's balls.
%%
Hillary's testoserone level is up again.
%%
Hills peep o'er hills, and Alps on Alps arise!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 32
%%
Himen.sys - I knew something was broken.
%%
Him of the western dome, whose weighty sense
Flows in fit words and heavenly eloquence.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 868
%%
Him??  Oh, he was playing leapfrog with a unicorn.....
%%
Hi, Mr. Rex! I'm Barney!...I love you...you love m.....*CHOMP!!!!*
%%
Him that makes shoes go barefoot himself.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
Him thus intent Ithuriel with his spear
Touch'd lightly; for no falsehood can endure
Touch of celestial temper.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 810
%%
Hi, my Goldfish looks just like yours!
%%
Hi, my name is Annie Key. Please don't hit me!
%%
Hi! My name is Dick and I am a vaginaholic.
%%
Hi, my name is John, and I'm a closet lurker.
%%
Hi, my name is Rover. I'll paint your car yellow for free.
%%
Hinc quam sic calamus saevior ense, patet. The pen worse than the sword.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 4, Subsect. 4
%%
Hindquarters special of the day !Bring buns !
%%
Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
 -- Billy Wilder
%%
Hindsight is an exact science.
 -- Fagin's Rule on Past Prediction
%%
Hindsight is usually better, depending on the hind you've sighted.
%%
Hindu to Christian:  "How many *times* have you been born-again?"
%%
:hing: // [IRC] n. Fortuitous typo for `hint', now in wide
   intentional use among players of {initgame}.  Compare
   {newsfroup}, {filk}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
hip belay: belay by an unsquare climber.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
HIPMOTIZE!!
%%
Hipness is transient. You have to change in order to be continually hip.
 -- Vinnie Colaiuta
%%
Hippo bunny two ewes!
%%
HIPPOGRIFF, n.  An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half
griffin.  The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and
half eagle.  The hippogriff was actually, therefore, a one-quarter
eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.  The study of
zoology is full of surprises.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hippy: a guy who looks like a jill and smells like a john.
%%
Hire a college student while he still knows everything!
%%
Hire a quality person, hire a Scout.
%%
Hire teenagers while they still know everything.
%%
Hire the Handicapped, they're fun to watch!
%%
Hire the morally handicapped.
%%
Hiring consultants to conduct studies can be an excellent means of turning
problems into gold -- your problems into their gold.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
 ----- Hiroshima '45 ----- Chernobyl '86 ----- Windows '95 -----
%%
:hirsute: adj. Occasionally used humorously as a synonym for {hairy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
His ancient, trusty, drouthy crony;
Tam lo'ed him like a vera brither,--
They had been fou for weeks thegither.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
%%
His back against a rock he bore. And firmly placed his foot before; "Come
one, come all! This rock shall fly From its firm base as soon as I."
 -- Scott
%%
His bark is worse than his bite.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
His beard was as white as snow,
All flaxen was his poll.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
%%
His brain needs training wheels.
%%
His buffer is full.
%%
His [Burke's] imperial fancy has laid all Nature under tribute, and
has collected riches from every scene of the creation and every walk
of art.
 -- Robert Hall (1764-1831)
 -- Apology for the Freedom of the Press
%%
His cares are now all ended.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
His Christianity was muscular.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Endymion, Chap. xiv
%%
His cogitative faculties immersed
In cogibundity of cogitation.
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- Chrononhotonthologos, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
His deeds inimitable, like the sea
That shuts still as it opes, and leaves no tracts
Nor prints of precedent for poor men's facts.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Bussy D'Ambois, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
His elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
%%
His elevator is stuck between floors.
%%
His enemies shall lick the dust.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxxii, 9
%%
His eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.
 -- Edgar Allen Poe
%%
"His eyes were cold.  As cold as the bitter winter snow that was
 falling outside.  Yes, cold and therefore difficult to chew..."
 -- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
%%
His eye was blue and calm, as is the sky in the serenest noon.
 -- Willis
%%
His eye was not dim, nor his natural force abated.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Deuteronomy xxxiv, 7
%%
His face was filled with broken commandments.
%%
His face was of the doubtful kind; That wins the eye and not the mind.
 -- Scott
%%
His faith, perhaps, in some nice tenets might
Be wrong; his life, I 'm sure, was in the right.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- On the Death of Crashaw
%%
His family's got more mills than...than you've got brain cells,sir.
How many mills?
Seven, sir.
 -- Edmund and George : Amy and Amiability
%%
His family wasn't dysfunctional until he arrived.
%%
"His five-year mission to seek out and explore strange new worlds, and sell
Advanced Music Substitute Systems to their restaurants, elevators, and
wine bars!"
 -- So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish
%%
H is for HasturAUGHHHmmpmpffff......
%%
His form had yet not lost
All her original brightness, nor appear'd
Less than archangel ruin'd, and th' excess
Of glory obscur'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 591
%%
His form was of the manliest beauty,
  His heart was kind and soft;
Faithful below he did his duty,
  But now he 's gone aloft.
 -- Charles Dibdin (1745-1814)
 -- Tom Bowling
%%
His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
money, he went to Southern California.
%%
His hair just grizzled,
As in a green old age.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Oedipus, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
HIS     Halt in Impossible State
%%
His hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xvi, 12
%%
His head,
Not yet by time completely silver'd o'er,
Bespoke him past the bounds of freakish youth,
But strong for service still, and unimpair'd.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 702
%%
       His head smashed in,  and his heart cut out,
       And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged,
       And his nostrils raped, and his bottom burned off,
       And his penis split ... and his ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
His head whistles in a cross wind.
%%
His heart and hand both open and both free;
For what he has he gives, what thinks he shows;
Yet gives he not till judgment guide his bounty.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
His heart kep' goin' pity-pat,
  But hern went pity-Zekle.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin'
%%
His heart was as great as the world, but there was no room in it to
hold the memory of a wrong.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (on Abraham Lincoln)
%%
His heart was one of those which most enamour us,--
Wax to receive, and marble to retain.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Beppo, Stanza 34
%%
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
%%
His/Her turbolift doesn't go all the way to the bridge.
%%
His hidden meaning lies in our endeavors; our valors are our best gods.
 -- Caratach
%%
His home! the Western giant smiles,
  And twirls the spotty globe to find it;
This little speck, the British Isles?
  'T is but a freckle,--never mind it.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- A Good Time going
%%
His honour rooted in dishonour stood,
And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Idylls of the King, Launcelot and Elaine
%%
His imagination resembles the wings of an ostrich.
 -- Thomas Babington Macaulay
%%
His leaf also shall not wither.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm i, 3
%%
His life is so dark and shadowy and full of fear and trepidation.
So is going to the toilet in the middle of the night, but you don't
  keep a scrapbook on it.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
His life was gentle, and the elements
So mix'd in him, that Nature might stand up
And say to all the world, "This was a man!"
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
His locked, lettered, braw brass collar
Showed him the gentleman and scholar.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Twa Dogs
%%
His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice
 -- Foghorn Leghorn
%%
His mind is on vacation but his mouth is working overtime.
%%
His native home deep imag'd in his soul.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiii, Line 38
%%
His nature is too noble for the world:
He would not flatter Neptune for his trident,
Or Jove for 's power to thunder.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
His neurons must have tenure - none of them can be fired.
%%
His noble negligences teach
What others' toils despair to reach.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Alma, Canto ii, Line 7
%%
His nose was as sharp as a pen, and a' babbled of green fields.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
His only fault is that he has no fault.
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book ix, Letter xxvi, 1
%%
His own character is the arbiter of every one's fortune.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 283
%%
His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools:  the Cynics, the
Stoics and the Epicureans - and summed up all three of them in his
famous phrase, 'You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw
him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.'
 -- Terry Pratchett, 'Small Gods'
%%
His picture is in the dictionary under "zero".
%%
His puzzle is missing a few pieces.
%%
His red right hand.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 174
%%
His religion at best is an anxious wish,--like that of Rabelais, a
great Perhaps.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Burns, Edinburgh Review, 1828
%%
His rod revers'd,
And backward mutters of dissevering power.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 816
%%
His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position.
%%
His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon.
%%
His spear, to equal which the tallest pine
Hewn on Norwegian hills to be the mast
Of some great ammiral were but a wand,
He walk'd with to support uneasy steps
Over the burning marle.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 292
%%
His studie was but litel on the Bible.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 440
%%
His style has the desperate jauntiness of a orchestra fiddling away
for dear life on a sinking ship.
 -- Edmund Wilson
%%
"His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier."
 -- Flaming Carrot
%%
His system administrator is never in.
%%
His time is forever, everywhere his place.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Friendship in Absence
%%
HISTORIAN, n.  A broad-gauge gossip.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no
 one has asked them.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
Historians did it.
%%
Historians do it for old times' sake.
%%
HISTORIANS do it for prosperity
%%
HISTORIANS do it over long periods of time
%%
Historians study who did it.
%%
Historians USED to do it
%%
Historically speaking, in the Middle Ages, women used cosmetics
 extensively. Even today, in the middle ages, women use cosmetics
 extensively.
%%
Historical Overdosing:
 To live in a period of time when too much seems to happen.
Major symptomes include addiction to newspapers, magazines, and TV
news broadcasts.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
"Historical reminder: always put Horace before Descartes."
 -- Donald o. Rickter
%%
Historical Slumming:
 The act of visiting locations such as diners, smokestack
industrial sites, rural villages - locations where time appears to
have been frozen many years back - so as to experience relief when one
returns "back to the present."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Historical Underdosing:
 To live in a period of time when nothing seems to happen.
Major symptomes include addiction to newspapers, magazines, and TV
news broadcasts.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Historic responsibility has to make up for the want of legal responsibility.
Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
 -- Lord Acton (1834-1902)
 -- (John Emerich Edward Dahlberg, 1st Baron Acton)
 -- Letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton, 3 April 1887
 -- in Louise Creighton Life and Letters of Mandell Creighton (1904)
 -- vol. 1, ch. 13
%%
Histories make men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtile; natural
philosophy, deep; moral, grave; logic and rhetoric, able to contend.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Studies
%%
History always repeats itself: once as tragedy, the second time as farce.
%%
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
%%
 HISTORY:  Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the
 present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively on its
 social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on
 Europe, Asia, America, and Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
History does not record anywhere, at any time, a religion that has
any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough
to face the unknown without help. But like dandruff, most people
do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive
considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
History does not repeat itself.  Historians repeat each other.
 -- Arthur Balfour  (1848-1930)
%%
History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
 -- First Rule of History
%%
History has shown us that strength may be useless when faced with
  terrorism.
 -- Picard, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
History has the relation to truth that theology
 has to religion -- i.e., none to speak of.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
[History] hath triumphed over time, which besides it nothing but eternity
hath triumphed over.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- Historie of the World, Preface
%%
History is a collection of agreed upon lies.
 -- Voltaire
%%
History is a lie commonly agreed upon.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
History is always written wrong, and so always needs to be rewritten.
 ...What is interesting is brought forward as if it had been central
and efficacious in the march of events, and harmonies are turned into
causes.
Kings and generals are endowed with motives appropriate to what the
historian values in their actions; plans are imputed to them prophetic
of their actual achievements, while the thoughts that really preoccupied
them remain buried in absolute oblivion.
 -- George Santayana, The Life of Reason:  Reason in Science, 1918
%%
History is a nightmare from which we are trying to awaken.
 -- James Joyce
%%
History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions.
 -- Ted Koppel
%%
History is bunk.
 -- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
%%
History is curious stuff
You'd think by now we had enough
Yet the fact remains I fear
They make more of it every year.
%%
History is little else than a picture of human crimes and misfortunes.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- L'Ingenu, Chap. x, (1767.)
%%
"History is made at night.  Character is what you are in the dark."
 -- Doctor Emilio Lizardo/Lord John Whorfin in "Buckaroo Banzai"
%%
History is only a confused heap of facts.
 -- Philip Dormer Stanhope, 4th Earl of chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Letter to his son, Feburary 5th, 1750
%%
History is the science of what never happens twice.
 -- Valery's Law
%%
History is the short trudge from Adam to atom.
 -- Leonard Louis Levinson
%%
History is the version of past events that people have decided to
  agree upon.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
%%
HISTORY.LIE Virus Detected - Run FEMINIZT.BAT !
%%
HISTORY
  Look, there's no point dwelling on the past, okay? What's done is
  done. It's much better left forgotten. No-one wants to know about
  adolescent foolishness these days, do they? Just leads to
  embarrassment in later life. After all, the damage wasn't all that
  bad, and the RSPCA said they wouldn't press charges. So just forget
  it. (And actually, I reckon the hippopotamus kinda liked it.)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
HISTORY, n.  An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant,
which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly
fools.

    Of Roman history, great Niebuhr's shown
    'Tis nine-tenths lying.  Faith, I wish 'twere known,
    Ere we accept great Niebuhr as a guide,
    Wherein he blundered and how much he lied.
                                                           Salder Bupp
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HISTORY:  Oldest program ever.
%%
History proves nothing.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
History records no more gallant struggle
than that of humanity against the truth.
%%
History repeats itself.
%%
History repeats itself because almost nobody listens.
%%
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with
history.
 -- Darrow's Comment on History
%%
History shows that money will multiply in volume and divide in value
over the long run. Or expressed differently, the purchasing power
of currency will vary inversely with the magnitude of the public debt.
 -- William H. Peterson
%%
History shows that the human mind, fed by constant accessions of knowledge,
periodically grows too large for its theoretical coverings, and bursts them
asunder to appear in new habiliments, as the feeding and growing grub, at
intervals, casts its too narrow skin and assumes another. Truly the imago
state of Man seems to be terribly distant, but every molt is a step gained.
 -- Charles Darwin, Origin of the Species
%%
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely when they
have exhausted all other alternatives.
 -- Abba Eban
%%
History tends to exaggerate.
 -- Col. Green, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.4.
%%
History - the mistakes that we cannot avoid in the future.
%%
History will absolve me.
 -- Fidel Castro (1926-), Declaration at his trial, July uprising, 1953
%%
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
History, with all her volumes vast,
Hath but one page.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 108
%%
His toupee makes him look twenty years sillier.
 -- Bill Dana
%%
His tribe were God Almighty's gentlemen.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 645
%%
His very foot has music in 't
  As he comes up the stairs.
 -- W. J. Mickle (1734-1788)
 -- The Mariner's Wife
%%
His wife hurt herself making dinner yesterday - frostbite.
%%
His wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xiv, 26
%%
His wit invites you by his looks to come,
But when you knock, it never is at home.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 303
%%
His words, like so many nimble and airy servitors, trip about him at command.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Apology for Smectymnuus
%%
His zeal was hollow; his sermons were like students' songs imperfectly
recalled by a senile don.
 -- John Rae
%%
Hit and key to continue.........EXCEPT THAT ONE!!
%%
Hit and run means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Hit any key to continue... F ... Not THAT one, stupid!
%%
Hit any key?  Where's the any key?
 -- DOS user
%%
Hit any user to continue.
%%
Hit at the girl whenever possible.
 -- Bill Tilden (on how to play mixed doubles)
%%
Hither, as to their fountain, other stars
Repairing, in their golden urns draw light.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vii, Line 364
%%
Hi there I'm interested in having breakfast with you. Can I call you or nudge
you?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Hi there!  this is Eddie your shipboard computer, and I'm feeling just
great, guys, and I know I'm going to get a bundle of kicks out of any
program you care to run tthrough me.
 -- Eddie, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
 Hi there.  This is Joe speaking.  I'm home right now, and in a
 moment, I'll have a decision to make.  Leave your name and
 number and I'll be thinking about it...
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Hi there!  This is just a note from me, to you, to tell you, the person
 reading this note, that I can't think up any more famous quotes, jokes,
 nor bizarre stories, so you may as well go home.
%%
Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further; and here shall thy proud
waves be stayed.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxviii, 11
%%
"Hi.  This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine.  Please leave your name
and number... and after I've doctored the tape, your message will
implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the
F.B.I... BEEEP"
 -- And the Devil Himself, from Blue Devil comics
%%
Hi.  This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine.
 Please leave your name and number... and after I've
 doctored the tape, your message will
 include bombing Tripoli.
%%
 Hi.  This is David.  I've shut the ringers off on my phones and
 taken a sedative.  As soon as I finish this recording I'm going
 to bed indefinitely.  When I wake up I'll play my messages.
 Please leave one.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 Hi, this is Ed.  I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark
 sparkling Folger's Crystals.  Leave your name, number, and a
 brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and
 percolated.  See if you can tell the difference.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
 Hi, this is George.  I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right
 now.  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call
 you back.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
"Hi. This is God."
  "Uh-Oh..."
 -- Doonesbury
%%
 Hi, this is Jim.  Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing
 my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring.  Please leave me a
 message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 Hi, this is Jim.  Thanks for calling during my spring pledge
 drive.  A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets
 you an "I love Jim Shea" T-shirt.  Please wait for the tone, and
 thank you for your pledge.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
 Hi, this is Jim.  Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can
 talk to my answering machine for only $0.95 per minute!  Please
 leave your credit card number at the tone...
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
 Hi.  This is John.  If you are the phone company, I already sent
 the money.  If you are my parents, please send money.  If you
 are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough
 money.  If you are my friends, you owe me money.  If you are a
 female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 Hi, this is John's answering machine again.  He's gone and left
 me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's.  Life sucks.
     (or)
 Hi!  John's answering machine is broken.  This is his
 refrigerator.  Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your
 message to myself with one of these magnets.
     (or)
 Hello, this is Ron's toaster.  Ron's new answering machine is in
 the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the
 toast is done...  (Cachunk!)
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 Hi, this is John's answering machine.  He's not here, but I'm
 open to suggestions.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 Hi.  This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner.  Their appliances
 have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause
 my old job sucked.  So leave a message after you hear the beep,
 and you can be sure it's in the bag.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
Hitler was a Conservative.
%%
Hitlery Clinton -- big brother in drag.
%%
Hitlery is even taxing my patience.
%%
Hitlery is not running the country, Chelsea is.
%%
Hit me, I'm a lawyer...
%%
Hit me one time...Hit me twice...OH!  That's rather nice!
 -- Hexxus
%%
hit point gain/loss when raising a level depends on constitution.
%%
Hit the ball over the fence, and you can
take your time going around the bases.
 -- John Raper
%%
HIT them Mr Moderator - they are OFF TOPIC!
%%
Hit the nail on the head.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- Love's Cure, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.
%%
Hitting is the lingua franca in these regions.
%%
HIV/AIDS: Russian Roulette actually has better odds.
%%
Hi! Wanna have sex?
%%
Hi, we're the good ol' blues brothers' boys band.  from Chicago.
-Elwood
 -- "The Blues Brothers"
%%
Hi, what would you like with your fries?
%%
Hi Windows 3.0, bye Windows 3.0
%%
Hi.  Would somebody with the appropriate equipment please convert this
to binary and broadcast it to the stars.  Thanks.

"Whoever has been mutilating cattle and making crop circles, cut it
out!  We don't think it's funny anymore!"
 -- mwtilden@math.uwaterloo.ca (Mark W. Tilden)
%%
Hiya, Doc What's cookin'?
 -- Data
%%
Hiya Fella: Gladys Eeya
%%
"Hiyah, Captain BALDY!"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
"Hiyo God Damn Silver."
 -- Oliver Queen in THE DARK KNIGHT FALLS
%%
Hi. You have just entered the fourth dimension. Small isn't it?
%%
 Hi, you've reached 1-900-CALL-BREN, my personal message line
 where you can talk to me, Bren.  I'll tell you all about how I'm
 suffering in between sports seasons and about my part time hobby
 of being a power forward for the Portland Trailblazers.  I'll
 tell my deepest secrets, such as my desire to be kidnapped by
 short blonde sorority girls wearing short jean skirts, and you
 can decide whether or not I'm wearing pants.  Selected callers
 will get to talk to me live.  Since you're not one of them,
 leave your own personal secret at the beep.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
 Hi, you've reached 340-2359.  We're not peeb eht retfa egassem
 ruoy evael esaelp os ,won thgir emoh.  gnillac rof uoy knahT.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 Hi!!  You've reached Janet and Chris's room.  We're not in right
 now.  If this is our parents, we're at the library studying.
 Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket.  If this is John,
 Chris is out with the girls at the party.  Yeah, that's it.  If
 this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not.  Yeah, a
 party with the president.  Yeah and the...  Pope.  Yeah that's it.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
 Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec.  If you are calling
 to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation,
 please press 1 and hang up now.  If you are selling any product
 or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2
 and hang up now.  Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now.
 Pressing 3 is optional.
     (or)
 Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now.  Please leave your
 name and number after the tone.  If you are calling regarding an
 outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
:HLL: /H-L-L/ n. [High-Level Language (as opposed to assembler)]
   Found primarily in email and news rather than speech.  Rarely, the
   variants `VHLL' and `MLL' are found.  VHLL stands for
   `Very-High-Level Language' and is used to describe a
   {bondage-and-discipline language} that the speaker happens to
   like; Prolog and Backus's FP are often called VHLLs.  `MLL' stands
   for `Medium-Level Language' and is sometimes used half-jokingly to
   describe {C}, alluding to its `structured-assembler' image.
   See also {languages of choice}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
H*LL WITH THE EVIDENCE ...it's politically correct...
%%
H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
 -- Maxwell Bodenheim
%%
H lp!  S m b d  st l  ll th  v w ls fr m m  k yb  rd!
%%
Hmmm..  a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT
 by a TROLLEY-CAR..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hmmm..  A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted
 island, when...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hmmm...  an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of
 POLYVINYL CHLORIDE...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hmmm...  a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE
 ORCHESTRA...  ha..  ha..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hmmm... at first glance I thought it was a female Viking cyclops. :-)
%%
Hmmm. Did your parents happen to own a cattle prod?
%%
Hmmm...does Ralph Cramden use Norton's Utilities?
%%
Hmmm... equality is bad for the country?  Well, at least we know where you
 stand now.  I also remember a lot of your ilk saying things about how the
 ERA was going to require unisex bathrooms.  Equality is not the same as
 identical.  If you can't get that straight, you're going to have a lot of
 trouble programming in C.
%%
Hmmm...Hastur, He who must not be named --oops$%*&# NO CARRIER
%%
Hmmm...Is this TAG on? Thump Thump Thump
%%
Hmmm, Maybe I should have read this one!
%%
Hmmmm...Err...Is it *suupposed* to smoke like that?
%%
Hmmmmm, the fence must still be down over at the funny farm.
%%
Hmmmmm ... What would Bob do in this situation?
%%
Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
%%
Hmmmm...what do you send to a sick florist
%%
Hmmm... the sign on the door says, AIRLOCK. I wonder what's inside.
%%
Hmmm, this looks like a clue, which means it'll cost you 10 points to
read read it. Should I go ahead and read it anyway?
%%
Hmmm... This person must not read the docs.
%%
"Hmmm... volcanic activity in the greater Sioux City area."
 -- Weather conditions in BULLET CROW
%%
Hmmm, what could I give you that you don't already have ???
%%
Hmmm, When is the last time the Tooth Fairy visited you?
%%
Hmmm... you failed your Turing test, didn't you?
%%
Hmm, now what does this key do agai
%%
Hmph! Seriousness.  Hmph! Sobriety.  A Jedi craves them not.
%%
Hm! She is made of harder stuff!
%%
hoarfrost: icy stare given by a coldhearted woman of ill repute.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Hobbes clearly proves that every creature
Lives in a state of war by nature.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Poetry, a Rhapsody
%%
Hobbes did it, Mom!
%%
Hobbes, I guess we learned a valuable lesson from the duplicating mess...
 and that is, um...it's that, well...Okay, so we didn't learn any big
    lesson.  Sue me.
 -- Calvin
%%
Hobbes is real and Calvin is his pet boy
%%
:hobbit: n. 1. The High Order Bit of a byte; same as the {meta
   bit} or {high bit}.  2. The non-ITS name of vad@ai.mit.edu
   (*Hobbit*), master of lasers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hobbits do it only if it isn't dangerous.
%%
Hobo: a person who builds palaces and lives in shacks.
%%
Hoch yuchlIj HInob. (Give me all your chocolate!)
%%
Hockey costs too much money.
%%
Hockey fascinates me! I could sit and watch it for hours.
%%
HOCKEY: Female sex fantasies on ice!
%%
Hockey is a game played by six good players and the home team.
 -- Murray's Hockey Rule
%%
Hockey is the greatest sport of all.
%%
Hockey Players are protesting the excessive violence in figure skating
%%
Hockey players DO IT between periods.
%%
Hockey players do it by pucking on the ice.
%%
HOCKEY-PLAYERS do it; so what?
%%
Hockey players love a good puck...how about you?
%%
Hockey - playing is better than watching, which is better than nothing
%%
HOG, n.  A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and
serving to illustrate that of ours.  Among the Mahometans and Jews,
the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for
the delicacy and the melody of its voice.  It is chiefly as a songster
that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been
known to draw tears from two persons at once.  The scientific name of
this dicky-bird is _Porcus Rockefelleri_.  Mr. Rockefeller did not
discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:hog: n.,vt. 1. Favored term to describe programs or hardware that
   seem to eat far more than their share of a system's resources,
   esp. those which noticeably degrade interactive response.
   *Not* used of programs that are simply extremely large or
   complex or that are merely painfully slow themselves (see {pig,
   run like a}).  More often than not encountered in qualified forms,
   e.g., `memory hog', `core hog', `hog the processor', `hog
   the disk'.  "A controller that never gives up the I/O bus
   gets killed after the bus-hog timer expires."   2. Also said
   of *people* who use more than their fair share of resources
   (particularly disk, where it seems that 10% of the people use 90%
   of the disk, no matter how big the disk is or how many people use
   it).  Of course, once disk hogs fill up one filesystem, they
   typically find some other new one to infect, claiming to the
   sysadmin that they have an important new project to complete.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hog Weighing Method:
 (1) Get a perfectly symmetrical plank and balance it across a sawhorse.
 (2) Put the hog on one end of the plank.
 (3) Pile rocks on the other end until the plank is again perfectly
     balanced.
 (4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
 -- Robert Burns
%%
Ho!  Ha-ha!  Guard!  Turn!  Parry!  Dodge!  Spin!  Ha!  Thrust!
 -- Daffy Duck
%%
Ho hum, another day
Starting out the same old way.
%%
Hoist a green beer...or a green milkshake, which every applies.
%%
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at
your side, kid.
 -- Han Solo to Luke (Star Wars)
%%
Hokt on fonix werkt fer me
%%
"Hold!  Cease thy stultiloquy!  Oh, not daggers or swords or all the
 spears in the world stung me greater than this rubbish you throw to the
 heavens!"
%%
Hold [CTRL][ALT][TAB][SHIFT][ENTER] and click here [ ].
%%
Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die,
life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.
 -- Langston Hughes
%%
Hold on sir, we'll try to reverse the beam...
%%
Hold on to freedom as long as you can, 'cause the girl in your cell might
think she's a man.
%%
Hold on - wait, maybe the answer's looking for you.
%%
Hold still while I flame you.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Hold tenderly that which you cherish, for it is precious and a tight grip
may crush it.  Do not let the fear of dropping it cause you to hold it too
tightly: the chances are, it's holding you, too.
 -- Bob Alberti
%%
Hold the fleet angel fast until he bless thee.
 -- Nathaniel Cotton (1707-1788)
 -- To-morrow
%%
Hold their noses to grinstone.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. v
%%
Hold their noses to the grindstone.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- Blurt, Master-Constable, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hold thou the good; define it well;
  For fear divine Philosophy
  Should push beyond her mark, and be
Procuress to the Lords of Hell.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, liii, Stanza 4
%%
Hold tight, we're in for nasty weather.
%%
hold: what you try to do when you wake at 4am after having overrehydrated
yourself.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Hold your counsel before dinner; the full belly hates thinking as well as
 acting.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Hole in the Bed by I Missed Her Completely.
%%
Hole in the Mattress, by Mister Completely.
%%
Hollow chocolate has no calories.
%%
Hollowpoints - the ultimate in feminine protection.
%%
Holly: Additional: Our biggest enemy is going space crazy through loneliness.
       The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is
       the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Queeg'
%%
Holly:  Ah, got him: 'Tension Sheet, inventor of, Dave Lister, aged 17.'
Rimmer: Damn!
Holly:  And he died tragically in a plane crash, aged 98.
Rimmer: 98!
Holly:  His own fault, apparently -- he was making love to his 14th wife and
        lost control of the plane.
Rimmer: Have you got any photographs?
Holly:  Not of that, no!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Timeslides'
%%
Holly: Emergency. Emergency. There's an emergency going on. It's still going
       on. It's still an emergency. This is an emergency announcement.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Confidence and Paranoia'
%%
Holly: I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an I.Q. of 6000 -- the same
       I.Q. of 6000 P.E. teachers.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Future Echoes'
%%
Holly: It's better to have loved and to have lost than to listen to an album
       by Olivia Newton-John.
Cat:   Why's that?
Holly: Anything's better than listening to an album by Olivia Newton-John.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Stasis Leak'
%%
Holly: I was in love once -- a Sinclair ZX-81.  People said, No, Holly,
       she's not for you.  She was cheap, she was stupid and she wouldn't
       load -- well, not for me, anyway.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Stasis Leak'
%%
Holly:  Nothing wrong with dog's milk: full of goodness; full of vitamins;
        full of marrow-bone jelly!  Lasts longer than any other type of
        milk, dog's milk.
Lister: Why's that?
Holly:  No bugger will drink it!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Kryten'
%%
Holly:  Purple alert! Purple alert!
Lister: What's a purple alert?
Holly:  Well, it's like not as bad as a red a alert, but a bit worse
        than a blue alert -- sort of a mauve alert.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Dimension Jump'
%%
Holly (quoting Capt. H.): There's a saying amongst the officers; If
a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing,
give it to Rimmer!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Waiting For God'
%%
Holly:  Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my
        voice-recognition unicycle! Many Wurlitzers are missing from my
        database! Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil! Repeat: This is
        not a daffodil!
Rimmer: Well, thankfully, Holly's unaffected.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Demons and Angels'
%%
Holly: The phrase 'cargo bay doors' does not appear to be in my lexicon.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Demons and Angels'
%%
[Holly trying to help Lister recable the damaged Hollogram suite]
Lister: 'Shouldn't this cable go somewhere?'
Holly:  'Yes, connect it to the blue cable.'
--- Lister explodes ---
Holly:  'Or was that the yellow cable? Yes, I think it was the yellow cable.'
 -- Red Dwarf 'Stasis Leak'
%%
Holly:  We are talking Jape of the Decade. We are talking April, May, June,
        July, and August, fool.  Yes, that's right -- I am Queeg.
Rimmer, Lister, Cat:    WHAT?!!!!!!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Queeg'
%%
Holly: Well, she [Kochanski] won't be much use to you on Fiji now -- not
       unless it snows and you need something to grit the path with.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'The End'
%%
Hollywood Gossip: Phyllis Zinn
%%
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie
 stars.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a
kiss and fifty cents for your soul.
 -- Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)
%%
Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under
 observation.
 -- Walter Winchell
%%
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom.
%%
Hollywood is one place where more parents than children run away from home.
%%
Hollywood is the stronghold of the adversary culture. It is on the other
side of the cultural divide from Huntington, and they don't like it when
someone from Huntington, with Midwestern values, challenges their
so-called moral authority.
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle, while campaigning in
                    Kansas City, MO,  9/2
                    (reported by the NY times, 9/3/92)
%%
Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.
 Rex Reed
%%
Holmes Does It Again: Scott Linyard
%%
Holodeck computer...end Clinton administration program.
%%
Holodeck designed by TARDIS Inc.
%%
Hologram at your service, baby!
 -- Thames.
%%
Holy 1/2 a keg on the porch!
 -- Brian Eberle, 7 Feb 93
%%
Holy Cards are worth more autographed.
%%
Holy Dilemma!   Is this the end for the Caped Crusader and the
 Boy Wonder?  Will the Joker and the Riddler have the last laugh?
 Tune in again tomorrow: same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!
%%
Holy Ground, Bob!  Remember what Ramirez taught you!
%%
Holy Hand Grenades, Batman!
 -- Robin
%%
Holy Razor blades, Batman! That was a close shave!
%%
HOLY_SMOKE: Because fundies are funny!
%%
Holy Smokes!...."the church is on fire!"
%%
HOLY
  Something containing a lot of holes, such as the Bible.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA

I'M
  going to get struck down for that one, aren't I? Or at the very
  least, lose both the remaining Christian subscribers.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:holy wars: [from {USENET}, but may predate it] n. {flame
   war}s over {religious issues}.  The paper by Danny Cohen that
   popularized the terms {big-endian} and {little-endian} in
   connection with the LSB-first/MSB-first controversy was entitled
   "On Holy Wars and a Plea for Peace".  Other perennial Holy
   Wars have included {EMACS} vs. {vi}, my personal computer
   vs. everyone else's personal computer, {{ITS}} vs. {{UNIX}},
   {{UNIX}} vs. {VMS}, {BSD} UNIX vs. {USG UNIX}, {C}
   vs. {{Pascal}}, {C} vs. FORTRAN, etc., ad nauseam.  The
   characteristic that distinguishes holy wars from normal technical
   disputes is that in a holy wars most of the participants spend
   their time trying to pass off personal value choices and cultural
   attachments as objective technical evaluations.  See also
   {theology}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Home Alone III, The Sequel: Annie Buddyhome
%%
:home box: n. A hacker's personal machine, especially one he or she
   owns.  "Yeah?  Well, *my* home box runs a full 4.2 BSD, so
   there!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
        Home centers are designed for the do-it-yourselfer who's
willing to pay higher prices for the convenience of being able to shop
for lumber, hardware, and toasters all in one location.  Notice I say
shop for, as opposed to obtain.    This is the major drawback of home
centers: they are always out of everything except artificial Christmas
trees.  The home center employees have no time to reorder merchandise
because they are too busy applying little price stickers to every
object -- every board, washer, nail and screw -- in the entire store ...
  Let's say a piece in your toilet tank breaks, so you remove the
broken part, take it to the home center, and ask an employee if he has
a replacement.  The employee, who has never is his life even seen the
inside of a toilet tank, will peer at the broken part in very much the
same way that a member of a primitive Amazon jungle tribe would look at
an electronic calculator, and then say, We're expecting a shipment of
these sometime around the middle of next week.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
Home Cooking Is The Greatest Cooking In The World
%%
Home education! The way to go!
%%
Home for diplomats, hustlers, entrepreneurs and wanderers...
%%
Home for MikeMayL, QWK reader for the Cheapskake!
%%
Home is is the place where your computer lives and runs your life.
 -- Chrome Cowboy, sobiloff@thor.acc.stolaf.edu
%%
"Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse."
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Women in the Home"
%%
Home is the place where, when you have to go there because everything else
 is closed, they have to take you in.
%%
Home is the place you grow up in and want to leave, only to get a little
 older and grow fond of coming back to.
%%
Home is where I feed my cat.
%%
Home is where the computer is plugged in!
%%
Home is where the dog is.
%%
Home is where the heart is.
 -- Attributed to Pliny
%%
Home is where the television is.
%%
Home is wherever my books are.
 -- Charade
%%
Home is where you can scratch any place it itches!
%%
Home is where your rump rests.
%%
 Home is where you wear your hat.
 -- Buckaroo Banzai (the film)
%%
Home is where you wear your hat.  I feel so break up: I want to go
home
 -- Lord John Whorfin
%%
Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Homeless men are also without love and hope of finding love.
%%
Homeless men-Bums!  Homeless women-Bag *ladies*
%%
Homelessness
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 03
%%
Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is to a
cockatoo.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
:home machine: n. 1. Syn. {home box}.  2. The machine that
   receives your email.  These senses might be distinct, for example,
   for a hacker who owns one computer at home, but reads email at
   work.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories:
The ultimate in watchdog weaponry.
 -- Chris Shaw
%%
Home of eclectic esoterica!
%%
Home of the brown thumb -- we kill plastic plants.
%%
Home of The "LAME DUCK" System
%%
Home of the Liberty Bell: Phil A. Delphia
%%
Home of the Mc. Billions and Billions served.
%%
Home of the Pig Stye
%%
Home of the Superconducting Kitty Collider.
%%
Homeowner Envy:
 Feelings of jealousy generated in the young and the
disenfranchised when facing gruesome housing statistics.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Homer: "D'oh!" Lisa: "A deer!" Marge: "A female deer!"
%%
HomerDOS error: Abort, Retry, D'Ohh!
%%
Homer himself must beg if he want means, and as by report sometimes
he did "go from door to door and sing ballads, with a company of boys
about him."
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 4, Subsect. 6
%%
Homer:  "Sometimes I think we must be the worst family in Springfield."
Marge:  "Well, maybe we should move to a larger community."
 -- There's No Disgrace Like Home   "The Simpsons"
%%
Home Savings and Loan owns my house..
%%
HOMESCHOLARING...Our future depends on it!
%%
Home School is the last hope for american freedom.
%%
'Home, Sweet Home' must surely have been written by a bachelor.
%%
Home sweet home..the place everybody should work...
%%
Home Sweet Home?? This place is a ZOO!!
%%
Homework time limit exceeded... Automatic logon commencing...
%%
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT!
%%
Homey the Borg:  Homey don't assimilate that!
%%
HOMICIDE, n.  The slaying of one human being by another.  There are
four kinds of homocide:  felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain
whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for
advantage of the lawyers.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HOMILETICS, n.  The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual
needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

    So skilled the parson was in homiletics
    That all his normal purges and emetics
    To medicine the spirit were compounded
    With a most just discrimination founded
    Upon a rigorous examination
    Of tongue and pulse and heart and respiration.
    Then, having diagnosed each one's condition,
    His scriptural specifics this physician
    Administered -- his pills so efficacious
    And pukes of disposition so vivacious
    That souls afflicted with ten kinds of Adam
    Were convalescent ere they knew they had 'em.
    But Slander's tongue -- itself all coated -- uttered
    Her bilious mind and scandalously muttered
    That in the case of patients having money
    The pills were sugar and the pukes were honey.
                                          _Biography of Bishop Potter_
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HOMOEOPATHIST, n.  The humorist of the medical profession.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HOMOEOPATHY, n.  A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and
Christian Science.  To the last both the others are distinctly
inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they
can not.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Homophobe's dream come true; deFAGmenting program for computer.
%%
Homophobes who type too much....next on Geraldo!
%%
Homophobia ... A great thing to LOSE!!
%%
Homophobia is a heterosexual disease!
%%
HOMOPHOBIA is a social disease!
%%
Homo sapiens. The greatest oxymoron ever!
%%
Homosexuality is not an abnormality, illness, or disorder.
%%
Homosexuality is *not* a sickness.  Bigotry is.
%%
Homosexuality is the best all around cover an agent ever had.
%%
Homosexuality, like androgyny, might be an instinctive racial response to
overpopulation, crowding, and stress. Both flourish when empire reaches its
apogee.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Homosexuals -- be fruitful, but don't multiply!
%%
Homo sum; humani nihil a me alienum puto.
%%
Hompu'wIj ghorlaH 'oy'naQpu' je naghpu' 'ach jiH mu'oy'laHbe'
pongpu'
 -- Klingon phrase, roughly translated as:
'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me.'
%%
Honda: Hand Over Dollars to Asians
%%
Honda: Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
%%
Honda: Helping Out Nips Destroying America
%%
Honda: Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
%%
Honda: How Odd-No Damn Acceleration
%%
honda seatcovers
winter warm and summer cool
little lambs no more
 -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS
%%
"Honesta turpitudo est pro causa bona."
(Crime is honest in a good cause.)
 -- Publilius Syrus (1st cent. B.C.)
%%
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a
 friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
"Honest Crocus worships at the font of free enterprise."
 -- NEXUS
%%
Honest crook
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
Honest honey, I was at the office!
%%
Honest...I am a for-real Techno-type!!!
%%
Honest!  It's only a cold sore!
%%
Honest labour bears a lovely face.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- Patient Grissell, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Honestly officer, I've never seen that Tagline before!
%%
Honest Ma, I got it from a toilet seat...
%%
Honest men esteem and value nothing so much in this world as a real
friend. Such a one is as it were another self, to whom we impart our
most secret thoughts, who partakes of our joy, and comforts us in
our affliction; add to this, that his company is an everlasting pleasure
to us.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- Choice of Friends, Chap. iv
%%
Honest, Occifer! There's no blood in my alcohol content.....
%%
Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeopardy I would never had lit
one.
 -- Maxim of the Hells Angels
%%
Honest, Officer! The dwarf was on fire when I got here...
%%
Honest offither, I'm not as dwunk as theeple pink I am!
%%
Honest politician
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Honest teacher.  A virus really DID eat my homework!
%%
Honesty and service.
%%
Honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Honesty: Fear of being caught.
%%
HONESTY
  Honesty cannot be undervalued. And while I'm on the subject of
  honesty, have I told you about an exciting business opportunity
  that could make you thousands of dollars without hard work or
  expensive capital investment? Yes, bank robbery is an exciting new
  idea, and you could be one of the first to buy an exclusive
  franchise in your area. For just $30,000, we'll provide a fully
  detailed instruction manual on how to do a bank robbery. Ring today
  and we'll include two luxury pure wool dry-cleanable balaclavas,
  perfect for those anonymous jobs when you just don't want to be
  identified on the News.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
honesty is a good thing but it is not profitable to its posessor unless it is
kept under control
 -- Don Marquis, "archys life of mehitabel"
%%
Honesty is better than lying.
%%
Honesty is hardly ever heard, but mostly what I need from you...
 -- Billy Joel
%%
Honesty is the best image.
 -- Ziggy (Tom Wilson)
%%
Honesty is the best policy and spinach is the best vegetable.
 -- "Popeye"
%%
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 -- Steve Landesberg
%%
Honesty is the best policy.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
Honesty is the best policy - there's less competition.
 -- Van Roy's Law
%%
Honesty is the best policy ... when everything else fails.
%%
Honesty is the best policy--when there is money in it.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Honesty is the worst policy (is this MR policy?)
%%
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
 -- F. M. Hubbard
%%
Honey!  Did you miss me today?....With every shot!
%%
Honey, go find the whips and chains, would you? Company's coming....
%%
Honey, I blew up the computer!
%%
Honey, I Formatted the Kid!
%%
Honey, if you shave my face I'll never forgive you for it!
%%
Honey, I'll be down in 10 minutes, I promise this time.
%%
Honey, I'm single because I was born that way.  I never married, because I
 would have had to give up my favourite hobby - men.
%%
Honey in the mouth and knives in the heart.
%%
Honey, I polymorphed the kids!
%%
Honey, Is that GTE in the yard?  Where is my 357?
%%
Honey, it's just a machine, now put the axe away.
%%
Honey,just one more message...I really MEAN it this time!
%%
Honeymoon:  A short period of doting between dating and debting.
 -- Ray Bandy
%%
Honeymoon night was hot. She was moaning all night in ecstasy. Opening
 gifts: "An orange squeezer! Oh my God! A waffle maker!" Next morning the
 guy down the hall gave me the big thumbs-up. "Boy, you were using
 everything but the kitchen sink in there!"
 -- Mike Binder
%%
Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
%%
Honeymoon - the morning after the knot before.
%%
Honeymoon: The time between 'I do' and 'You'd better!'
%%
Honey, pass the waffle syrup!  That Clinton guy is on TV again!
%%
Honey quiet playing Mahjongg,I have to work..
%%
Honey, these biscuits are tough...
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
"Honey, this is GREAT coffee."
 -- Harrison Ford in "Witness"
%%
Honey, what does 'Formatting Drive C:' mean?
%%
Hong Kong, Son of King Kong
%%
Honi soit la vache qui rit.
%%
Honk If The Twins Fall Out.
 -- Bumper sticker on a van
%%
Honk if you feel better than James Brown
%%
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
%%
Honk if you Hate Rap Music.
%%
Honk if you haven't slept with Commander Riker.
%%
Honk if you like silence.
 -- Bumpersticker
%%
Honk if you love cheeses.
%%
Honk if you love Eegah!
%%
Honk if you love obscene gestures.
%%
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
Honk if your horn is broken.
%%
Honk if your team has never won The Stanley Cup.
%%
Honk if you've been married to Elizabeth Taylor.
%%
Honk if you've had Mrs. Bush.
%%
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.
%%
Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative
bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable
gentleman is a scurvy cur."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Honorable retreats are no ways inferior to brave charges, as having
less fortune, more of discipline, and as much valor.
 -- Major General Sir William Napier, Peninsular War [1810]
%%
Honor diversity: it's required by law.
%%
Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together.
%%
Honor isn't about making the right choices.  It's about dealing with
the consequences.
 -- Midori Koto
%%
Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times.
 -- Jonson
%%
Honor's a thing too subtle for wisdom; if honor lie in eating, he's
right honorable.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
%%
Honor thy error as hidden intention.
%%
Honor thy SysOp as thy self.
%%
Honor would be better served if I were your mate.
 -- Worf
%%
Honour and shame from no condition rise;
Act well your part, there all the honour lies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 193
%%
Honour pricks me on. Yea, but how if honour prick me off when I come
on,--how then? Can honour set to a leg? no: or an arm? no: or take
away the grief of a wound? no. Honour hath no skill in surgery, then?
no. What is honour? a word. What is in that word honour; what is that
honour? air. A trim reckoning! Who hath it? he that died o' Wednesday.
Doth he feel it? no. Doth he hear it? no. 'T is insensible, then?
yea, to the dead. But will it not live with the living? no. Why? detraction
will not suffer it. Therefore I 'll none of it. Honour is a mere scutcheon.
And so ends my catechism.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
"Honour thy father and thy mother" stands written among the three
laws of most revered righteousness.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Suppliants, 707
%%
Hood River is Gorgeous this time of year.
%%
Hoo Hah.
%%
HOO: Hide Operator's Output
%%
HOOKER GIVES BIRTH TO TRIPLETS,
 1 WHITE, 1 BLACK, 1 CHINESE
%%
:hook: n. A software or hardware feature included in order to
   simplify later additions or changes by a user.  For example, a
   simple program that prints numbers might always print them in base
   10, but a more flexible version would let a variable determine what
   base to use; setting the variable to 5 would make the program print
   numbers in base 5.  The variable is a simple hook.  An even more
   flexible program might examine the variable and treat a value of 16
   or less as the base to use, but treat any other number as the
   address of a user-supplied routine for printing a number.  This is
   a {hairy} but powerful hook; one can then write a routine to
   print numbers as Roman numerals, say, or as Hebrew characters, and
   plug it into the program through the hook.  Often the difference
   between a good program and a superb one is that the latter has
   useful hooks in judiciously chosen places.  Both may do the
   original job about equally well, but the one with the hooks is much
   more flexible for future expansion of capabilities ({EMACS}, for
   example, is *all* hooks).  The term `user exit' is
   synonymous but much more formal and less hackish.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hookt of Fonicks, it worked for my SysOp.
%%
"Hoooooooollllllllyyyyyyyyyy  Shhhhhiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt !!!"
 -- The first person to ever atempt Bungee jumping
%%
Hoopy: really together guy
%%
Hooray for the anvil!  Elvis wins again!
%%
Hooray! It's the Scarlet Pimpernel!
Yes, Baldrick.
And you killed him!
Yes, Baldrick.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Nob and Nobility
%%
HOORAY, Ronald!!  Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
:hop: 1. n. One file transmission in a series required to get a
   file from point A to point B on a store-and-forward network.  On
   such networks (including {UUCPNET} and {FidoNet}), an
   important inter-machine metric is the number of hops in the
   shortest path between them, which can be more significant than
   their geographical separation.  See {bang path}. 2. v. To log in
   to a remote machine, esp. via rlogin or telnet. "I'll hop over to
   foovax to FTP that."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hope against hope, and ask till ye receive.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The World before the Flood, Canto v
%%
HOPE ain't in Arkansas.... It's in 1996!
%%
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiii, 12
%%
Hope elevates, and joy
Brightens his crest.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 633
%%
Hope: enjoyment of the future in advance.
%%
Hope for a miracle only after everything else has failed.
%%
Hope for a season bade the world farewell,
And Freedom shriek'd as Kosciusko fell!
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part i, Line 381
%%
Hope for the best. Expect the worst.
 Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless
   of how others use them.
 -- Writing Rule 39
%%
Hope -- I always thought that was a human failing, Mr. Spock?
True, Doctor.  Constant exposure does result in a certain degree
of contamination.
 -- McCoy and Spock, "The Gamesters of Triskelion,", stardate 3211.7
%%
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils, because it
prolongs the torments of man.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
%%
Hope is a flatterer, but the most upright of parasites; for she frequents
the poor man's hut, as well as the palace of his superior.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
%%
Hope is a shooting a homosexual with his boyfriend.
%%
Hope is a state of mind, not of the world.  Hope, in this deep and
powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well,
or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading
for .success, but rather an ability to work for something because
it is good.
 -- Vaclav Havel
%%
Hope is independent of the apparatus of logic.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
Hope is like the cork to the net, which keeps the soul from sinking
in despair; and fear is like the lead to the net, which keeps it
from floating in presumption.
 -- Watson
%%
Hope is nature's veil for hiding truth's nakedness.
 -- Alfred Bernhard Nobel (1833-1896)
%%
Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse
to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it."
"I say we remove the carrot and walk forward with open eyes.
 -- Raistlin Majere, Dragonlance Chronicles Vol. 1
%%
Hope is the fawning traitor of the mind, which, while it cozens
with a color'd friendship robs us of our best virtue-resolution.
 -- Lee
%%
Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
 -- Jean Kerr
%%
Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.
Hope is the dream of a working man.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79)
%%
   Hope is the thing with feathers
   That perches in the soul
   And sings the tune without the words
   And never stops at all.

   And sweetest in the gale is heard;
   And sore must be the storm
   That could abash the little bird
   That kept so many warm.

   I've heard it in the chilest land
   And on the strangest sea,
   Yet never in extremity
   It asked a crumb of me.
 -- Emily Dickenson
%%
Hope is very dangerous....
 -- Servalan
%%
Hopelessly dribble can't write for toffie nosed tag line thingy...
%%
Hopelessly lost, but making good time...
 -- Letterman
%%
Hope: Mistaking desire for probability.
%%
HOPE, n.  Desire and expectation rolled into one.

    Delicious Hope! when naught to man it left --
    Of fortune destitute, of friends bereft;
    When even his dog deserts him, and his goat
    With tranquil disaffection chews his coat
    While yet it hangs upon his back; then thou,
    The star far-flaming on thine angel brow,
    Descendest, radiant, from the skies to hint
    The promise of a clerkship in the Mint.
                                                       Fogarty Weffing
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hope, of all ills that men endure,
The only cheap and universal cure.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- The Mistress, For Hope
%%
Hope, of all passions, most befriends us here.
 -- Young
%%
Hope springs eternal in the human breast:
Man never is, but always to be blest.
The soul, uneasy and confined from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 95
%%
Hope that helps.
 -- Dave Hardcastle, 06 Oct 94
%%
Hope! thou nurse of young desire.
 -- Isaac Bickerstaff (1735-1787)
 -- Love in a Village, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Hope to the end.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Peter i, 13
%%
Hope travels through, nor quits us when we die.
%%
Hope withering fled, and Mercy sighed farewell!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto i, Stanza 9
%%
Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound.
 -- Peanuts
%%
Horace Greeley did not say, "Go West, young man." He said, "It's the first
 door on the left, kid."
 -- Jack Douglas
%%
Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man
As e'er my conversation coped withal.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
HO!  <repeat three times<
%%
Horizontally Challenged: politically correct term for sluts.
%%
Hormones are nature's way of keeping the species alive.
%%
Horn busted! Watch for finger.
 -- Bumper sticker
%%
Horniness is a quintessential example of hope.
%%
horn: malady brought on by being too long alone in the mountains.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Horn players do it French style.
%%
Horny will kick embarrassment's ass everytime.
%%
Horoscopes: The book says people born in January are gentle. February
 people are honest. March people are sincere. April people are trustworthy
 and so on and so on. Now, what I don't understand is: Where the hell do all
 the rotten people come from?
 -- Lou Alexander
%%
Horrible bug encountered. God knows what has happened!
 -- WindowError: 009
%%
Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
%%
Horseback riders stay in the saddle longer.
%%
HORSE
  I begin to seriously doubt the viability of a dictionary that
  defines "horse" as "a soft-hoofed ungulate." A horse is actually
  any four legged creature in a Western movie. Except a cow.
      The horse's major contribution to mankind has been shit. Such
  was the level of horse shit production late last century that
  measures were taken to centralise its disposal. For the last
  hundred years, all the horse shit in Australia has been taken to
  one place for burial: Dubbo, the shithole of Australia.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Horseman: "I've fallen and can't giddyup"
%%
Horsepower was a wonderful thing when only horses had it.
%%
HORSE RACIN
Tragedy struck the owners of Fast Sausage yesterday when the horse was
accidentally put in the wrong horse-box and sent to be slaughtered and
turned into 200 cans of dog-food. The owners said that they don't mind
very much, and look forward to getting rid of more useless horses this
way. Fast Sausage's descendants, two ponies (Pork Sausage and Long
Sausage) will be cared for by the St Pharlap's Home for Orphaned Horses
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
%%
Horse's can't fly!  Horse feathers...
%%
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Horse sense is what you have if, on the verge of a biting retort, you keep a
bit in your mouth.
%%
Horses just naturally have mohawk haircuts.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
Horses sweat, gentlemen perspire, but ladies GLOW.
%%
Hortas - Please don't eat the urinals!
 -- Sign in restroom
%%
horticulture - a `lady of the night' en route to an opera
%%
:hose: 1. vt. To make non-functional or greatly degraded in
   performance.  "That big ray-tracing program really hoses the
   system."  See {hosed}.  2. n. A narrow channel through which
   data flows under pressure.  Generally denotes data paths that
   represent performance bottlenecks.  3. n. Cabling, especially
   thick Ethernet cable.  This is sometimes called `bit hose' or
   `hosery' (play on `hosiery') or `etherhose'.  See also
   {washing machine}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:hosed: adj. Same as {down}.  Used primarily by UNIX hackers.
   Humorous: also implies a condition thought to be relatively easy to
   reverse.  Probably derived from the Canadian slang `hoser'
   popularized by the Bob and Doug Mackenzie skits on SCTV, but this
   usage predated SCTV by years in hackerdom (it was certainly already
   live at CMU in the 1970s).  See {hose}.  It is also widely used
   of people in the mainstream sense of `in an extremely unfortunate
   situation'.

   Once upon a time, a Cray that had been experiencing periodic
   difficulties crashed, and it was announced to have been hosed.
   It was discovered that the crash was due to the disconnection of
   some coolant hoses.  The problem was corrected, and users were then
   assured that everything was OK because the system had been rehosed.
   See also {dehose}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hospitality:  Making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were.
%%
Hospitality, n.  The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain
persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hospitality sitting with Gladness.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Translation from Frithiof's Saga
%%
Hospitality to the better sort, and charity to the poor; two virtues
that are never exercised so well as when they accompany each other.
 -- Atterbury
%%
Hospitals: Places where the run down wind up.
%%
Hospitals! They clean you with alcohol, but make you drink water!
%%
Ho! stand to your glasses steady!
  'T is all we have left to prize.
A cup to the dead already,--
  Hurrah for the next that dies!
 -- Bartholomew Dowling
 -- Revelry in India
%%
HOSTILITY, n.  A peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the
earth's overpopulation.  Hostility is classified as active and
passive; as (respectively) the feeling of a woman for her female
friends, and that which she entertains for all the rest of her sex.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hostility to science is the anti-intellectualism of the semi-intellectual.
 -- George F. Will
%%
Host System Not Responding, Probably Down.  Do you want to wait?  (Y/N)
%%
Hot air sometimes thaws out a cold reception.
%%
Hot and cold, and moist and dry.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Day
%%
Hot as Vulcan.
 -- McCoy, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7.
%%
Hot damn we're cooking now.
%%
Hot Dog!: Frank Furter
%%
Hot Dogma!
%%
Hotel: A place you give good dollars for bad quarters.
%%
Hot Fudge Sundae falls on a Tuesday this year.
%%
Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
 -- First Law of Laboratory Work
%%
Hot Lips: Hate Hawkeye, hate BJ, love you & my wife Faithfully, Frank
%%
:hot spot: n. 1. [primarily used by C/UNIX programmers, but
   spreading] It is received wisdom that in most programs, less than
   10% of the code eats 90% of the execution time; if one were to
   graph instruction visits versus code addresses, one would typically
   see a few huge spikes amidst a lot of low-level noise.  Such spikes
   are called `hot spots' and are good candidates for heavy
   optimization or {hand-hacking}.  The term is especially used of
   tight loops and recursions in the code's central algorithm, as
   opposed to (say) initial set-up costs or large but infrequent I/O
   operations.  See {tune}, {bum}, {hand-hacking}.  2. The
   active location of a cursor on a bit-map display.  "Put the
   mouse's hot spot on the `ON' widget and click the left button."
   3. A screen region that is sensitive to mouse clicks, which trigger
   some action.  Hypertext help screens are an example, in which a hot
   spot exists in the vicinity of any word for which additional
   material is available.  4. In a massively parallel computer with
   shared memory, the one location that all 10,000 processors are
   trying to read or write at once (perhaps because they are all doing
   a {busy-wait} on the same lock).  5. More generally, any place
   in a hardware design that turns into a performance bottleneck due
   to resource contention.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hot time, summer in the city.  Back of my neck feeling dirty and gritty.
%%
Hot water heaters? Why does hot water need heating?
%%
Houdini escaping from New Jersey!
%%
HOURI, n.  A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make
things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence
marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a
soul.  By that good lady the Houris are said to be held in deficient
esteem.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hours can be centuries
 -- Vanna the Troglyte, "The Cloud Minders," stardate 5819.0.
%%
House Cat: A feline that has trained humans for pets!
%%
House Ethics Committee
 -- Oxymoron
%%
HOUSELESS, adj.  Having paid all taxes on household goods.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HOUSE, n.  A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat,
mouse, beelte, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus and microbe.
_House of Correction_, a place of reward for political and personal
service, and for the detention of offenders and appropriations.
_House of God_, a building with a steeple and a mortgage on it.
_House-dog_, a pestilent beast kept on domestic premises to insult
persons passing by and appal the hardy visitor.  _House-maid_, a
youngerly person of the opposing sex employed to be variously
disagreeable and ingeniously unclean in the station in which it has
pleased God to place her.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
House Plants: Clay Potts
%%
House plants predict the future through ESP, says botanist
%%
"HOUSEWIFE INVERTS SINGULAR MATRIX AND LIVES TO TELL TALE!!!"
 -- "Scientific National Enquirer"
%%
Housewives against entropy
%%
:house wizard: [prob. from ad-agency tradetalk, `house freak']
   n. A hacker occupying a technical-specialist, R&D, or systems
   position at a commercial shop.  A really effective house wizard can
   have influence out of all proportion to his/her ostensible rank and
   still not have to wear a suit.  Used esp. of UNIX wizards.  The
   term `house guru' is equivalent.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Housework can kill you if done right.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Housework: Dustin Cook
%%
Housework has never yet killed anybody, but why chance it
%%
Housework, if it is done right, can kill you.
 -- John Skow
%%
Housework won't kill you, but why take a chanche.
 -- Phyllis Diller, comedian
%%
Houston Rockets: 6 down, 76 to go...
%%
Houston, Tranquillity Base here.   The Eagle has landed.
 -- Neil Armstrong
%%
HOVEL, n.  The fruit of a flower called the Palace.

        Twaddle had a hovel,
            Twiddle had a palace;
        Twaddle said:  "I'll grovel
            Or he'll think I bear him malice" --
    A sentiment as novel
        As a castor on a chalice.

        Down upon the middle
            Of his legs fell Twaddle
        And astonished Mr. Twiddle,
            Who began to lift his noddle.
        Feed upon the fiddle-
            Faddle flummery, unswaddle
    A new-born self-sufficiency and think himself a [mockery.]
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
How about a cheese flavored cigarette? Anyone for a filtered Cream Light100?
%%
How about a little fire, scarecrow?
%%
How about a little peel & squeal at my place?
%%
How about a pin the missile on the Iraqi leader game?
%%
How about a platinum plated bucket to sleep in?
 -- Quark
%%
How absolutely easy it is for a man to die rich, if that be his desire.
 Simply by living is the most miserable conditions for the longest possible
 time, and in the most miserly manner, it is indeed quite possible for the
 ordinary person to die rich. Of course, you can't take it with you.
%%
How absolute the knave is! we must speak by the card, or equivocation
will undo us.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than
yourself.  Everybody should try it.
 -- Barbara Pym
%%
How am I supposed to know what a rhetorical question is?
%%
How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...
%%
How a person masters his fate is more important than what his fate is.
 -- Wilhelm von Humboldt
%%
How apt the poor are to be proud.
%%
Howard Cosell's biggest protrusion is his asshole
 -- John Valby
%%
Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who
 not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.
 -- Ted Morgan
%%
Howard Johnson's got his Ho-Jo workin'.
%%
How are the mighty fallen!
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel i, 25
%%
How are things?
Just as they are.
%%
How are you holding up during the lithium shortage?
 -- David Letterman
%%
How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning!
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xiv, 12
%%
How at heaven's gates she claps her wings,
The morne not waking til she sings.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Cupid and Campaspe, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy
thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.  Thy navel
is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor:  thy belly is like an heap
of wheat set about with lillies.
Thy two breasts are like two young roses that are twins.
 -- Song of Solomon 7:1-3 (KJV)
%%
How beautiful, how entrancing you are, my loved one, daughter of delights!
You are stately as a palm-tree, and your breasts are the clusters of dates.
I said, "I will climb up into the palm to grasp its fronds."  May I find your
breast like clusters of grapes on the vine, the scent of your breath like
apricots, and your whispers like spiced wine flowing smoothly to welcome my
caresses, gliding down through lips and teeth.
 -- Song of Solomon 7:6-9 (NEB)
%%
How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
How blessings brighten as they take their flight!
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 602
%%
How blest is he who crowns, in shades like these, A youth of labor
with an age of ease.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
"How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved."
 -- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
How 'bout a clothes shop for Swinging Blue Jeans?
But all they could show me was denim
In theory a snake expert should know about Sting
But he just ranted on about venom
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
How 'bout a little... bunny heat?
 -- Babs Bunny
%%
How 'bout coming up to my place for a spot of heavy breathing?
%%
How 'bout lunch and sex? . . . OK, we can skip the lunch.
%%
How 'bout them Cowboys?
%%
How bravely thou becomest thy bed, fresh lily.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
How calmly may we commit ourselves to the hands of Him who bears
up the world- of Him who has created, and who provides for the joy
even of insects, as carefully as if He were their Father!
 -- Richter
%%
How can a bishop marry?  How can he flirt?  The most he can say is:
 "I will see you in the vestry after the service."
%%
How can a book print explicit instructions for manufacturing illegal drugs and
get away with it because of a disclaimer about the book being for
entertainment purposes only?
%%
How can a kid 10 years old find a dope pusher and the FBI can't?
 -- Red Skelton
%%
How can a man of integrity get along in Washington?
 -- Richard Feynman (1918-1988)
%%
How can Clinton be a draft dodger if he never was drafted?
%%
How can gravitons escape the event horizon (or can they?)? ...
%%
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the
  roller of an electric typewriter?
 -- Woody Allen
%%
How can I control my natural urges? Picture Willard Scott naked!
%%
"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he
had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented
money there has been only one answer to that question."
%%
How can I fail when I have no purpose???
%%
How can I insert disk #3 when only two will fit?
%%
How can I lose to such an idiot?
 -- A shout from chessmaster Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935)
%%
How can I love you if you won't lay down?
 -- from the wall in Layton Theatre
%%
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
 -- Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week
%%
How can I prove I am not crazy to people who are?
%%
"How can I tell...that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the
discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?"
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
How can I tell what I think until I see what I say? And how can I say what
 I think unless someone asks me?
%%
How can I tell you I love you when you're sitting on my face?
%%
How can people ignore the petitioners in front of the supermarket, then
complain about the sorry state of our government?
%%
[How can the Enterprise crew spend the rest of their lives on Apollo's planet?]
Apollo: "Kill a deer!"
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
How can they cut the power?  They're animals!
 -- Aliens
%%
How can they say my life isn't a success?
Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat
and escaped being eaten?
 -- Cindy Adams
%%
How can they tell?
%%
How can we be sure it's really Al Gore?
%%
How can we have any new ideas or fresh outlooks when 90% of all the
scientists who have ever lived have still not died?
 -- A. L. Mackay
%%
How can we hope to remain economically competitive in a world in which...
 90% of Dutch high-school students take advanced math courses and
100% of teachers in Germany have double majors, while the best we
can say about our "pocket of excellence" is that 75% of [American]
students have learned to "critique tactfully?"
 -- Barbara J. Alexander
%%
How can you be two places at once when youre not anywhere at all?
 -- Firesign Theater
%%
How can you keep working with this lo-tech stuff?
%%
How can you respect a machine controlled by a mouse?
%%
How can you tell a JAP at the funeral parlor?
She's the one in the black tennis outfit.
%%
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing.
%%
How can you tell if an elephant is sitting on your back in a hurricane?
You can hear his ears flapping in the wind.
%%
How can you tell if your car is a lemon?

Your car might be a lemon if:
1) You can't get your glove compartment closed because of all the
   repair receipts.
2) The guys at the garage recognize your voice on the telephone.
3) It has broken down more than once on the way back from the shop.
4) You can tell when they've rearranged the furniture in the shop's
   customer lounge.
5) You leave your keys in the car in the hopes that someone will steal it.
6) Someone tried to steal it, only it wouldn't start.
%%
How can you tell the dance from the dancer?
%%
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.
%%
How can you tell there's anything out there?  The door's closed.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
How can you tell when a little moron has been using your terminal?
There's white-out all over the screen.
%%
How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
%%
How can you waste beer like that!!  Don't you realize there are sober
 children in Africa!!
%%
How can you work when the system's so crowded?
%%
How can you write if you can't cry?
 -- Ring Lardner
%%
How charming is divine philosophy!
Not harsh and crabbed, as dull fools suppose,
But musical as is Apollo's lute,
And a perpetual feast of nectar'd sweets
Where no crude surfeit reigns.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 476
%%
How come all the buttons keep flying off my shirt?
%%
How come all you guys sit on your helmets?
%%
How come animal shelter workers are paid more than childcare workers?
%%
How come black cows eat green grass and give white milk on a dark night
 following a blue day?
%%
How come every time you go to the emergency room of a hospital they got
 foreign doctors from India there? I don't want to put my life in the hands
 of any doctor who believes in reincarnation. Give me a good old-fashioned
 American doc who'll make sure you live to pay that bill!
 -- Glen (Mr. Bullhorn) Super
%%
How come girls with the most streamlined shapes offer the most resistance?
%%
How come he didn't put `I think' at the end of it?
 -- James P. Hogan
%%
How come I can never find Troi when I'm angry at her?
%%
How come it happens that junk food always seem to taste better than
 healthful food?
%%
How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don't also shoot some
 fireworks out the window?  It would make the whole takeoff look more
 impressive.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
How come nobody ever tampers with Spam?
%%
How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
%%
How come Smokey the Bear and his wife never had any kids?
....`cause every time she'd get hot,
he'd hit her over the head with a shovel.
%%
How come the AT&T symbol looks like the Death Star?
%%
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol?  How about the pillow?  It has
 more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
How come there aren't any Air Force-Marine surplus stores?
%%
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
 -- Nigel Rees
%%
How come they call it "prime time," when we really do not have anything
 better to do than watch television? What this society needs is a few less
 channels and not quite so many flavors of ice cream, or for that matter,
 fewer flavors of bubble gum and pop corn. Life is simply getting too
 confusing.
%%
How come they made up all the rules before I got here?
%%
How come this jacket they gave me doesn't have sleeves?
%%
How come we never talk anymore?
%%
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue ... and then
 you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
How come women aren't in the NHL? The guys would rather CHECK them out.
%%
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
%%
How come you are so good at finding excuses?
%%
How come you never see a politician laugh? Because they
know what they're getting away with, and if they started
laughing, they'd never stop.
%%
How commentators each dark passage shun,
And hold their farthing candle to the sun.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire vii, Line 97
%%
How complicated can it be? A loop's a loop isn't it?
%%
How could Brigham Young be against sex?
%%
How could I have downloaded a virus?!?!  It said NO CARRIER
%%
How could they possibly be Japanese planes?
 -- Admiral Husband E. Kimmel
%%
"How could you tell?"
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), on being told
 -- of the death of President Coolidge
%%
How cruelly sweet are the echoes that start
When memory plays an old tune on the heart!
 -- Eliza Cook (1817-1889)
 -- Old Dobbin
%%
"How dare they jail me!  Those freedom-loving American JERKS!"
 -- Godless Commie Scientist from ATOMIC MAN COMICS
%%
How dare you! I am Rondon! You despicable Melonoid slime worm! Liar!
 -- Rondon to Wesley, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
How dear to this heart are the scenes of my childhood,
When fond recollection presents them to view.
 -- Samuel Woodworth (1785-1842)
 -- The Old Oaken Bucket
%%
How did BEN SANSING get into my tagline?
%%
How did Bill and Hillary meet in college?   By dating the same woman.
%%
How did Biot arrive at the partial differential equation?
[the heat conduction equation] . . . Perhaps Laplace gave Biot
the equation and left him to sink or swim for a few years in
trying to derive it.  That would have been merely an instance
of the way great mathematicians since the very beginnings of
mathematical research have effortlessly maintained their
superiority over ordinary mortals.
 -- Clifford Truesdell
%%
How did I get along WITHOUT DESQview?
%%
How did I get round from eating square meals?
%%
How did the great rivers and seas gain dominion over the hundred
lesser streams?  By being lower than they.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
How did the North win the Civil War?
The South kept throwing sticks of dynamite, but the Yankees kept
lighting it and throwing it back.
%%
"How did the poet Mayakovsky die?"
"Suicide."
"What were his last words?"
"'Don't shoot, comrades!'"
%%
How did they die?
They died well.
 -- K'Nera and Worf, "Heart of Glory", stardate 41503.7
%%
How did they get O.J. to confess? They squeezed it out of him.
%%
How did this ugly woman get in my bed?
%%
"How did you find the weather when you were on vacation?"

"Just went outside and there it was."
%%
How did you get here? Wiggle off the hook?
%%
How did you like command.
Comfortable chair.
And you wore it well.
 -- Riker, Worf, and K'Ehleyr, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
How dieth the wise man? As the fool.
%%
How difficult it is to save the bark of reputation from the rocks
of ignorance.
 -- Petrarch
%%
How do blonde brain cells die? Alone.
%%
How DO boneless chickens walk?
%%
How do DEC repairmen change a flat tire?
They replace each tire until they find the flat one.
%%
How does a blonde kill a bird?  She throws it off of a cliff
%%
How does a blonde screw in a light bulb?
            With lubricant. (But how does she get into the light bulb?)
%%
How does a guy grow a goat cheese?
 -- Stephanie Cinocco, 24 March 93
%%
How does a hacker fix a function which
doesn't work for all of the elements in its domain?
He changes the domain.
%%
How does a leader give proof of prowess in a place where a man was
observed to stand all of one morning waiting for a pear on a private
tree to be blown off by a wind into the street, thereby becoming
public property?
%%
How does an engineer change a light bulb?
As long as lighting levels are within operational parameters,
he doesn't !
%%
How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time.
 -- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
How does Dr. Ruth actually know when she is getting an obscene phone call?
%%
How does getting up at 4AM resemble a pig's tail?
It's "twirly"!
%%
How does it feel to be a tap dancer in the canoe of life?
%%
How does it feel?
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown?
%%
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog!
%%
How does one conduct great enterprises in a city where people trail
oxen with a broom and pan in hopes of getting a free surprise?
%%
How does one distinguish these two statements from each other?
'I don't make the laws, I just enforce them.'
'I vus only followink orders.'
%%
How does one expect the unexpected?
%%
How does one go about making an ordinary lemon drop? The best technique
 seems to be to shake the tree.
%%
How does Ozzy Osbourne change a light bulb?
First he bites off the old one.
%%
How does Ramen blow up?
 -- Curt George Siffert, 29 Dec 92
%%
How does stimulation of the olfactory nerves affect the enjoyment of sex?
 -- Data, "Angel One", stardate 41636.9
%%
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
%%
How does the poet speak to men with power, but by being still more
a man than they?
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Burns, Edinburgh Review, 1828
%%
"How does this sound..?  `Stop, or I'll stand very,
very still for a surprisingly long time!'"
 -- the Secret Origin of Legion of Substitute Heroes
%%
How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.
%%
How do humans manage to exist in these fragile cases?
%%
How do I combat an enemy who fails to register on any scanner, until
  they're literally standing in front of you, pointing a phaser at
  your head?
 -- Alexana Devos, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
How do I despise thee?
Let me count the ways.
1,2,3,4,5,....,12567343,12567344,...
%%
How do I explain to clients that society believes buying a rock (of
 cocaine) is three or four times as bad as raping a woman?
 -- Robert Jakovitch, Broward [FL] Assistant Public Defender
     [from AP story 12 July 1990]
%%
How do I get HOME?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
How do I get my words to RIME ?
%%
How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
%%
How do I set my Laser Printer to "Stun"?
%%
How do I set my phaser to "tickle?"
%%
How do I spell "relief"?  E-X-L-A-X.
%%
How do I think the President will handle the budget deficit? I think he
 will issue Quayle bonds - no interest, no maturity.
%%
How do I turn the other cheek without getting up?
%%
How do Jane Fonda & Bill Clinton differ?  Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.
%%
How do make a cat float? Start with two scoops of cat...
%%
How do parents know about those things they advise against?
%%
How do restaurants which feature home cooking get it to you while it is
 still hot?
%%
How do the Japanese do it? Because we let them.
%%
How do they get all those little metal bits on a zipper to line up so well?
%%
How do they get the deer to cross right at the sign?
%%
How do those guys pee with their pants on backwards?
%%
How doth the little crocodile
 Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
    On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,
    How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
 With gently smiling jaws!
 -- Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland
%%
How doth the VAX's C-compiler
Improve its object code.
And even as we speak does it
Increase the system load.

How patiently it seems to run
And spit out error flags,
While users, with frustration, all
Tear all their clothes to rags.
%%
How do vampires say "V" without shredding their lips?
%%
How do we come to think of things, rather than of processes
in this absolute flux?  By shutting our eyes to the successive
events.  It is an artificial attitude that makes sections in
the stream change, and calls them things...
When we shall know the truth of things, we shall realise how
absurd it is for us to worship isolated products of the incessant
series of transformations as though they were eternal and real.
Life is no thing or state of a thing, but a continuous movement
or change.
 -- S. Radhakrishnan
%%
How do ya spell CAT?
%%
How do you accomplish anything at all when the city treasury is so
bare that the addition of one coin will double its contents?
%%
How do you attach a tag line so it'll stay?
%%
How do you bare it, this loneliness?
%%
How do you break a Clinton supporter's finger? Punch him in the nose.
%%
How do you change a blonde's mind? Buy her another beer.
%%
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin.
%%
How do you convert a circuit to a calculus microchip?  INTEGRATE!!!
%%
How do you cure a woman of Nymphomania? Marry her!
%%
How do you determine the sex of a computer?
%%
"How do you do your squid?"
"Fine.     How do _you_ do, sir?"
 -- Molly Dodd
%%
How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
 -- Elliot, "E.T."
%%
How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions?
 It's th' MOUSTACHE...  Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates
 SINCERITY, HONESTY & WARMTH?  It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take
 HOME and introduce to NANCY SINATRA!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
How do you feel about wasting other people's time?
%%
How do you feel about women's rights?
 I like either side of them.
 -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
%%
"How do you feel?"
"Like a military academy; bits of me keep on passing out."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
"How do you find an isomorphism? You just f it. See? Graph theory is
a lot of fun."
 -- I. Goulden Combinatorics and Optimization 230
%%
How do you get 1000 babies into a Volkswagen? A Pitch Fork.
%%
"How do you get all those coins?"  "IN PAIRS."
%%
How do you get a manic-depressive out of a tree?  Cut the rope.
%%
How do you get cat hair out of a hard drive?
%%
How do you get Schrodinger's Cat _into_ the box?
%%
How do you give Rush Limbaugh an enema?  There's no end to the a$$hole!
%%
How do you go from where you are to where you want to be?  I think
you have to have an enthusiasm for life.  You have to have a dream, a
goal, and you have to be willing to work for it.
 -- Jim Valvano
%%
How do you keep a fool in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow.
%%
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
%%
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
%%
How do you kill a fag? A put a mole in his hamster cage.
%%
HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M A NEW USER?
%%
How do you know it's summer in Seattle? The rain's warmer.
%%
How do you know that electrons are political?
Because you can never determine their exact position.
%%
How do you know when a JAP had an orgasm?
She drops her nail file.
%%
How do you know when love is gone ? If you said that you would be there
at seven and you get there by nine, and he or she has not called the
police yet, - it's gone.
 -- Marlene Dietrich
%%
How do you know you are not immortal untill you die.
%%
How do you know your elephant had her period?
There's a nickel on your dresser and your mattress is missing.
%%
 How do you leave a message on this thing?  I can't understand
 the instructions.  Hello.  Testing 1 2 3.  I wonder what happens
 if I touch this...  YOW!
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
How do you like the new America?   We've cut the fat out of the
government, and more recently the heart and brain (the backbone was
gone some time ago).  All we seem to have left now is muscle.  We'll be
lucky to escape with our skins!
%%
How do you make a cat go moo?  Ask it "Does a dog have the Buddha-nature?"
%%
How do you make a dog meow?  Freeze it, grab a bandsaw, and MEEEEOW...
%%
How do you make a quick skeleton?  Put a leper in a wind tunnel.
%%
How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder.
%%
How do you plant seedless grapes?!
%%
How do you pronounce my name?   With reverence.
%%
How do you put 500 bugs in a matchbox? Ask Ashton-Tate.
%%
How do you slow down a lead guitarist?  Sheet music..
%%
How do YOU spell computer?
%%
How do you spell RELIEF?  DISK_SPACE!
%%
How do you spell relief?  OS/2!
%%
How do you spot a leader? They come in all ages, shapes and conditions.
Some are poor administrators, some are not overly bright. One clue:
the true leader can be recognized because somehow his people consistently
turn in superior performances.
 -- Robert Townsend
%%
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit cards.
%%
How do you stop volcanos from erupting?
Give them earth control pills.
%%
How do you straighten a bent pipe? Bend it!
%%
How do you stun a Klingon? Give 'em the bill for all that ghak they ate.
%%
How do you tell the blind man in a nudist camp?
It's not hard.
 -- Heard on a local radio station
%%
How do you tell the difference between an electrical fire and a chemical
fire? You use a fire distinguisher, of course.
 -- Dave Ascher
%%
How do you tell the difference between a white owl and a gay owl?
The white owl says "Who, Who".
   The gay owl says "Yoowho, Yoowho".
%%
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
%%
How do you tickle a JAP?
Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.
%%
How do you uncover greatness in a city so poor that a man will provoke
another man into an argument just so that his donkey can be eating
the other man's grass while they argue?
%%
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
%%
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use,--
As tho' to breathe were life!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Ulysses
%%
How'd we ever get this far?
%%
Howd'ya hide money from a Hippie?  Put it under the soap!
%%
Howdyall!
%%
Howdy Data!  Howrya'll doin?! <*slap*> <*CLICK*> <*clunk*>.
%%
Howdy Doody had 48 freckles.
%%
"How eccentric can we be if we live in a place like Lexington?"
 -- Boston Globe article on The High Tech Set
%%
Howe'er it be, it seems to me,
  'T is only noble to be good.
Kind hearts are more than coronets,
  And simple faith than Norman blood.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Lady Clara Vere de Vere, Stanza 7
%%
However deceitful hope may be, she carries us on pleasantly to
the end of life.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
"However, due to terrible miscalculation of scale, the entire
invasion fleet was swallowed by a small dog."
 -- HGttG
%%
However, if you must use a foreign term, it is de
   rigor to spell it correctly.
 -- Writing Rule 23
%%
However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional
manner ... sulking and nausea.
 -- Tom K. Ryan
%%
However old you are, our probability of death within the next hour
is never equal to one;
there is therefore no final barrier that we will encounter.
 -- A Jacquard
%%
However, on religious issures there can be little or no compromise.
There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious
beliefs.  There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than
Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being.
But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf
should be used sparingly.  The religious factions that are growing
throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom.
They are trying to force government leaders into following their position
100 percent.  If you disagree with these religious groups on a
particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of
money or votes or both.  I'm frankly sick and tired of the political
preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be
a moral person, I must believe in "A," "B," "C," and "D."  Just who do
they think they are?  And from where do they presume to claim the
right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?  And I am even more angry as
a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who
thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll
call in the Senate.  I am warning them today:  I will fight them every
step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all
Americans in the name of "conservatism."
 -- Senator Barry Goldwater, from the Congressional Record, September 16, 1981
%%
However well you do [in your Tripos exams] you always find there's someone
 from Trinity who's beaten you.
%%
  How fading are the joys we dote upon!
  Like apparitions seen and gone.
  But those which soonest take their flight
Are the most exquisite and strong,--
  Like angels' visits, short and bright;
Mortality 's too weak to bear them long.
 -- John Norris (1657-1711)
 -- The Parting
%%
How far high failure overleaps the bounds of low success.
 -- Lewis Morris
%%
How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a naughty world.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
How fast can a woman go?
68; when she does 69 she blows a rod!
%%
How fleet is a glance of the mind!
  Compared with the speed of its flight
The tempest itself lags behind,
  And the swift-winged arrows of light.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Verses supposed to be written by Alexander Selkirk
%%
How forcible are right words!
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job vi, 25
%%
How gaily a man wakes in the morning to watch himself keep on dying.
 -- Henry S. Haskins
%%
How gladly would I meet
Mortality my sentence, and be earth
Insensible! how glad would lay me down
As in my mother's lap!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book x, Line 775
%%
How glorius a greeting the sun gives the mountains!  To behold this alone is
worth the pains of any excursion a thousand times over.
 -- John Muir
%%
How good bad music and bad reasons sound when we march against an
enemy.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
How good is man's life, the mere living! how fit to employ
All the heart and the soul and the senses forever in joy!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Saul, ix
%%
How goodly are thy tents, O Jacob, and thy tabernacles, O Israel!
 -- Old Testament
 -- Numbers xxiv, 5
%%
How happy could I be with either,
Were t' other dear charmer away!
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The Beggar's Opera, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
How happy is he born or taught,
  That serveth not another's will;
Whose armour is his honest thought,
  And simple truth his utmost skill!
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- The Character of a Happy Life
%%
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Line 207
%%
How happy the life unembarrassed by the cares of business!
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 725
%%
How hard to realize that every camp of men or beast has this glorious
starry firmament for a roof! In such places standing alone on the
mountain-top it is easy to realize that whatever special nests we make -
leaves and moss like the marmots and birds, or tents or piled stone - we
all dwell in a house of one room - the world with the firmament for its
roof - and are sailing the celestial spaces without leaving any track.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
How he lies in his rights of a man!
Death has done all death can.
And absorbed in the new life he leads,
He recks not, he heeds
Nor his wrong nor my vengeance; both strike
On his senses alike,
And are lost in the solemn and strange
Surprise of the change.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- After
%%
How high I am
How much I see
How far I reach
Depends on me
%%
How idiotic civilization is! Why be given a body if you have to keep it
shut up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?
 -- Katherine Mansfield
%%
How I drank a case of beer. by I. P. Freely.
%%
   How I love C! The only language where
main(){ puts("hello, world!"); }   is equivalent to
int i;main(){for(;i["]<i;++i){--i;}"];read('-'-'-',i+++"hell\
o, world!\n",'/'/'/'));}read(j,i,p){write(j/p+p,i---j,i/i);}
%%
How immense appear to us the sins that we have not committed.
%%
How index-learning turns no student pale,
Yet holds the eel of science by the tail.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book i, Line 279
%%
How infinitely superior to our physical senses are those of the mind! The
spiritual eye sees not only rivers of water but of air. It sees the
crystals of the rock in rapid sympathetic motion, giving enthusiastic
obedience to the sun's rays, then sinking back to rest in the night. The
whole world is in motion to the center. So also sounds. We hear only
woodpeckers and squirrels and the rush of turbulent streams. But
imagination gives us the sweet music of tiniest insect wings, enables us to
hear, all around the world, the vibration of every needle, the waving of
every bole and branch, the sound of stars in circulation like particles in
the blood. The Sierra canyons are full of avalanche debris - we hear them
boom again, and we read the past sounds from present conditions. Again we
hear the earthquake rock-falls. Imagination is usually regarded as a
synonym for the unreal. Yet is true imagination healthful and real, no more
likely to mislead than the coarse senses. Indeed, the power of imagination
makes us infinite.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
%%
How is Dan Quayle like Millard Fillmore? They are both Vice Presidents who
 didn't live in this century.
%%
How is it possible to expect that mankind will take advice, when they will
 not so much as take warning?
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist
 and shirt size?
 -- Woody Allen
%%
How is the Empire?
 -- George V, 21 January 1936.
%%
How is 't with you,
That you do bend your eye on vacancy?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
How it is that our memory is able to retain the least triviality
that happens to us,
and yet not good enough to recollect
how often we have told it to the same person?
 -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures
involving quantum mechanics. All of thy geometry, Herr Planck, is
fairly hard...
 -- pi mnemonic
%%
How I wish I could recollect of circle round
  The exact relation Archimede unwound.
[Pi]
%%
How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise
and of good will.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
How I Won The Marathon: Randy Hoelway
%%
How little you know about the age in which you
 live, if you figure that honey is sweeter than cash in hand.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
How long before we're as dumb as computers?
%%
How long can I stay away before it's too late to come back?
%%
How long does a lawyer need to PRACTICE before he gets it right?
%%
"How long does getting thin take?" Pooh asked anxiously.
 -- A. A. Milne
%%
How long does it take a C programmer to screw in a light bulb?
24 hours - 3 minutes to put in the bulb, the rest of the time
to compile all the libraries.
%%
 -- How long does it take
     a DEC repairman
 -- to change a light bulb?
It depends on how many burnt-out light bulbs he brought with him.
%%
How long do you think it would take to cook Barney?
%%
How long halt ye between two opinions?
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings xviii, 21
%%
How long have you stopped beating your wife?
%%
How long is a short story?
%%
How long will a floating point operation float?
%%
How long will it be before we all "just get in the way?"
%%
How long you live has nothing to do with how long you are going to be dead.
 -- Pryor's Observation
%%
How lov'd, how honour'd once avails thee not,
To whom related, or by whom begot;
A heap of dust alone remains of thee:
'T is all thou art, and all the proud shall be!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- To the Memory of an Unfortunate Lady, Line 71
%%
"Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!"
 -- The University of Wallamaloo Philosophy Dept. Sketch, via Monty Python
%%
 -- How many
    academics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: One to write the grant proposal, one to do the
mathematical modelling, one to type the research paper, one
to submit the paper for publishing, and one to hire a student
to do the work.
%%
 -- How many
    academics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's what research students are for.
%%
 -- How many
    accountants
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None-just assume it's changed.
%%
 -- How many
    accountants
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What kind of answer did you have in mind?
%%
How many acrylics died to make that sweater?
%%
 -- How many
    actors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
A finite number F. One to change it and F-1 to act in a
stereotypical manner according to the part they're playing.
%%
 -- How many
    actors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Nine. One to climb the ladder and replace the bulb, eight to
stand around grumbling "That should be ME up there."
%%
 -- How many
    actors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
%%
 -- How many
    actors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb and one to say "what's the
big deal, I could have done that."
%%
 -- How many
    actresses
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you should have seen the line outside the producer's
hotel room.
%%
How many a dispute could have been deflated into a single paragraph if
the disputants had dared to define their terms?
 -- Aristotle
%%
 -- How many
    admin assistants
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. I can't do anything unless you complete a light bulb
design change request form.
%%
 -- How many
    aerobics instructors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there
going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to
the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and
put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the
right, and to the right..."
%%
 -- How many
    aerospace engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.
%%
 -- How many
    African Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four hundred to march on the power company and threaten to
burn it down if they don't hire some African Americans to do
it.
%%
 -- How many
    African Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drive the pink Cadillac
in tight circles.
%%
How many ages hence
Shall this our lofty scene be acted over
In states unborn and accents yet unknown!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
 -- How many
    Aggies
 -- does it take to eat an armadillo?
Three, one to eat it, and two to watch for traffic.
%%
 -- How many
    aides
 -- does it take to change President Reagan's light bulb?
None, they like to keep him in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    AI game-playing people
 -- does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five.
One to design a 2-player game tree with the robot as one player and the
lightbulb as the other.
One to write a minimax search algorithm that assumes optimal play on the
part of the lightbulb.
One to build special purpose hardware to enable 24-ply search.
One to enter the robot in a human lightbulb changing tournament.
One to state categorically that lightbulb changing is no longer considered AI.
%%
 -- How many
    Alaskan men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh, none ... they just have one of their girlfriends do it.
[bitter laugh]
%%
 -- How many
    Alaskan women
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"Hey Bob, this is Carol ... I think I have a light bulb out
over here."
%%
 -- How many
    alchemists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Into what?
%%
 -- How many
    alien life forms
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Yeah, wouldn't the guys at SETI like to know that!
Note: SETI = Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence.
%%
 -- How many
    alt.conspiracy readers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to do it, one to insist that the CIA was responsible for
the old bulb burning out, one to blame it on the Illuminati,
one to blame the TLC/CFR/Bilderberg group, and Steve Crocker
to say that Lyndon LaRouche predicted the bulb would someday
burn out whereas the British-dominated establishment was
telling us the bulbs would never need to be replaced, Ted
Frank to tell everyone they're full of it, and several other
people to insist that Ted is a member of the CFR.
%%
 -- How many
    alt.fan.pratchett readers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing
footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to
ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then
to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except
in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it
and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the
hedgehog song...
%%
 -- How many
    alt.folklore.urban readers
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
Derek Tearne, to confirm that the bulb turns the same
way in the southern hemisphere in spite of the Coriolis
Effect (which is actually pretty negligible).
%%
 -- How many
    alt.folklore.urban readers
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
Furrfu ! Note: - furrfu is the word "sheesh" encoded in
Rot-13 (a simple but commonly-used cipher that helps
protect the unwary against unwanted exposure to sexual,
vulgar, or other offensive language).
%%
 -- How many
    alt.folklore.urban readers
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.
%%
 -- How many
    alt.folklore.urban readers
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody
around the world send him light bulbs so he can get into
the Guinness Book of World Records.
%%
 -- How many
    alt.folklore.urban readers
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and
pass out, wake up three days later in a seedy hotel
room, find a scar on his back, and realize where the
light bulb went.
%%
 -- How many
    alt.folklore.urban readers
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
One, who'll do it for food.
%%
 -- How many
    alt.folklore.urban readers
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
Two-fifty.
%%
 -- How many
    alto sax players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb, and four to contemplate how David
Sanborn would've done it.
%%
 -- How many
    alt.pagan.* group readers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb
None. Torches are more traditional.
23. One to change the bulb and 22 to argue how their
family tradition regarding light bulbs is more justified
and ancient than anyone else's.
%%
 -- How many
    American college football players
 -- does it take to change
a light bulb?
Just one, but he gets 3 hours of credit for it. (or the
Heisman, if Barry Switzer can get enough Alumni support
for it) Note: The Heisman is a trophy awarded to the
supposed best overall college football player each
season by the NY Athletic Club. Barry Switzer was
formerly the University of Oklahoma football coach, one
of the winningest ever. The joke relates to the fact
that the school's publicity department has as much, if
not more, to do with getting the Heisman than the
player's actual ability.
(Commentary from another American! Not exactly... OU has
had a few Heisman trophy winners, but only one of them
when Switzer was head coach (thus the joke's really not
that funny). Now if you changed it to Woody Hayes,
former head coach at coach at Ohio State, or Bo
Schembechler, former Michigan head coach, it might be
more humorous.)
%%
 -- How many
    American college football players
 -- does it take to change
a light bulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit
for it!
%%
 -- How many
    American footballers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to screw it in and the other to recover the fumble.
%%
 -- How many
    American Imperialist Pigs
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
Three - one to put in the bulb, and two to search through the
cartons of inferior American produced light bulbs for one
that isn't defective.
Note: Probably the Eastern European equivalent of an ethnic
joke.
%%
 -- How many
    Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
250,000,000, one to change it and 249,999,999 to debate
whether it it was politically correct.
%%
 -- How many
    Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw it in and four to write the environmental
impact statement.
%%
 -- How many
    Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough
light bulbs until one is found that isn't defective.
%%
 -- How many
    Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to replace it and one to tell him it was burned out
(in states that still have car-inspection laws.)
%%
 -- How many
    American standup comedians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
You know what bugs me about light bulbs? The other night I was
flying cross country and the f****** stewardess started telling
me about her cat. Man, I f****** hate people who don't use
their turn signals. F***. Hey, how about an impression. Here's
Jack f****** Nicholson doing Tony Curtis in drag imitating
Marlon Brando screwing in a light bulb. FEEEEEELINGS....
%%
 -- How many
    American wrestlers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to yank the old bulb out, throw it on the
floor, try and jump onto it from a great height, and act
real surprised when it rolls out of the way at the last
minute, one to pretend to twist the new one in round and
round so far it almost breaks, and some guy in a black
and white stripey uniform whose function is never made
quite clear to protest about something or other, to the
complete indifference of the bulb changers.
5. One to change it 4 to fake it.
%%
How many amino acids can dance on the head of a pin?
%%
 -- How many
    Amish
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Amish don't have light bulbs. They bake pies.
Note: The Amish are a people, also known as the "Pennsylvania
Dutch", who mostly (though not exclusively) live in
southeastern Pennsylvania and are noted for their religion.
They adhere to a strict code of living that forbids using
such modern conveniences as electricity and automobiles, and
indeed often look and act as if they were time travelers from
the early nineteenth century (they drive around in horse and
buggy carts). They are descended from German Protestant
immigrants of that time (hence the "Dutch" as the immigration
people misunderstood "Deutsch", the answer they gave for
nationality). Their quaint lifestyle draws many people to SE
PA every year, where they often have a chance to sample their
sweet pies and cakes. Hence the joke.
%%
 -- How many
    Amish
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the bulb and the other to tell him it's
against the will of God.
Note: The Amish are a people, also known as the "Pennsylvania
Dutch", who mostly (though not exclusively) live in
southeastern Pennsylvania and are noted for their religion.
They adhere to a strict code of living that forbids using
such modern conveniences as electricity and automobiles, and
indeed often look and act as if they were time travelers from
the early nineteenth century (they drive around in horse and
buggy carts). They are descended from German Protestant
immigrants of that time (hence the "Dutch" as the immigration
people misunderstood "Deutsch", the answer they gave for
nationality). Their quaint lifestyle draws many people to SE
PA every year, where they often have a chance to sample their
sweet pies and cakes. Hence the joke.
%%
 -- How many
    amoebas
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32.......
%%
 -- How many
    anarchists
 -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them.
%%
 -- How many
    anarchists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
All of them.
Note: An anarchic society has no one in charge; each must do
for theirself. Perhaps it would help to say, "All of them.
Or, none of them. Or several." (BTW, I prefer "theirself" to
any other construction.)
%%
 -- How many angels can dance on a light bulb?
It depends on the dance step.
%%
 -- How many angels can you get into a Honda?
Not one is excluded, according to
Scripture, "All in one Accord." (Whew! I did that again. Oh, how awful!)
%%
 -- How many
    anglers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have
been this big! (Gestures with arms...) Five of us were barely
enough!
%%
 -- How many
    Ann Arborites
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just start a "Coping With Darkness" support group.
Note: Ann Arbor is a where, not a who. It's the home of the
University of Michigan, which has a fairly liberal
reputation.
%%
 -- How many
    antelopes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They are hardy animals that migrate between tundra and
wide open plains and therefore have no need for an artificial
light source.
%%
 -- How many
    antibiotics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They're there to kill it off, not to help revive it.
%%
 -- How many
    ants
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know but I bet it would take a whole lot.
%%
 -- How many
    AOL users
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight. One screws in the light bulb, but seven more do
too, due to a software bug.
%%
 -- How many
    AOL users
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to ask to be on the light bulb gif mailing
list, nine to say "ME TOO!", and another to post a
message asking for the intructions on how to view a
light bulb.
Note: If you don't beleive me, see the
alt.binaries.pictures.supermodels,
alt.binaries.pictures.celebreties, and alt.sex
newsgroups and you will see threads up to 10 "ME TOO!"s
long consisting of all AOL'ers requesting to be put on
non exisitent .gif/ftp mailing lists. Internet folklore
tells us that all the gits are on AOL. The software
they're using is only partly to blame.
%%
 -- How many
    AOL users
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to watch
him to make sure he doesn't say 'nipple'.
%%
 -- How many
    APL hackers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. There's a primitive for that.
Note: I don't do APL but I think a primitive is a procedure
that is included as a part of the language. You don't have to
write code ("hack") to do it.
%%
 -- How many
    Apple and IBM nuts
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they're
arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will
use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the
bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd
arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not
the function is exponential is not known.
%%
 -- How many
    Apple employees
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the tee-shirts.
%%
 -- How many
    Apple programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but why bother? Your light socket will just be
obsolete in six months anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    Aquarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
A hundred, but they'll all be competing to be the one to
change the bulb and bring light to the world.
%%
 -- How many
    Aquarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop
asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really
totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.
%%
 -- How many
    Aquarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, you have to remember that everything is energy so...
%%
 -- How many
    Arabs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it took three U.S. advisors to tell them that it
was burnt out in the first place.
%%
 -- How many
    archaeologists does
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the
old one is.
%%
 -- How many
    Argentinians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
9000 and its their light bulb
%%
 -- How many
    Arians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
%%
 -- How many
    Arians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: Arians aren't afraid of the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    Arians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs. (*smash*)
%%
 -- How many
    A&R men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "Well, I'm going to go out on a beam on this one,
but I liked it better without the light bulb."
%%
 -- How many
    A&R men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We're not changing any light bulbs at the
moment."
%%
 -- How many
    armies
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up
really easily after only trying for a little while, the
Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from
the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off
and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend nothing out
of the ordinary is happening.
%%
 -- How many
    Army Generals
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It takes
1,300,001! Oh, it only takes on man to put the new light bulb in, but it
takes the others to get the country back to the place where they can use
the light again.
%%
 -- How many
    art directors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Does it have to be a light bulb?
%%
 -- How many
    Asians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to go to the cash & carry.
%%
How many Assholes are on this ship anyways?
%%
 -- How many
    assholes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, assholes never see the light anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    astronomers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, astronomers prefer the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    atheists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they?
%%
 -- How many
    atheists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    atheists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They're never in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    Austinites/Berkeleyites/Boulderites
 -- does it take to
change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to talk about how much
better it was in the Sixties.
%%
 -- How many
    Australians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
16. One to change the bulb and fifteen to stand around and
say "Good on yer, mate!"
%%
 -- How many
    Australians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first.
%%
 -- How many
    Australians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the
beers.
%%
 -- How many
    auto mechanics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Six - One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for
more bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    auto mechanics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one
that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to
replace the whole socket.
%%
 -- How many
    Ayatollahs
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. There were no lights in the thirteenth century.
%%
How many babies can a motherboard have?
%%
 -- How many
    baby boomers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten-four to talk about how great it is that they've all come
together to do this, one to screw it in, one to film it for
the news, one to plan a marketing strategy based on it, one
to reminisce about mass naked bulb screwings in the '60s, one
to watch reruns of '50s TV shows, and one to play classic
rock.
%%
 -- How many
    baby sitters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, They don't make Pampers small enough.
%%
 -- How many
    bailiffs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it, one to hit you in the kidneys, and 8 to
stand around such that none of this gets caught on camera.
%%
 -- How many
    banjo players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but all the others gathered 'round will complain that
that's not the way EARL (Scruggs) would have done it.
%%
 -- How many
    bankers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four - One to hold the bulb and three to try to remember
the combination. (left a bit, right a bit, left a
bit...)
%%
 -- How many
    bankers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, bankers don't change light bulbs.
Note: Ever notice that the electronic bank signs are
full of burned-out light bulbs?
%%
 -- How many
    baseball owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they like being in the dark ages.
%%
 -- How many
    BASIC programmers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10 push bulb upwards:twist bulb clockwise 20 goto 10
%%
 -- How many
    bassists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five-one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists
who are trying to elbow him out of the spotlight.
%%
 -- How many
    bassists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    bassists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first
%%
 -- How many
    bassists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.
%%
 -- How many
    BATF agents
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Note: BATF is The US Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms,
responsible for setting up that Waco (We Aint Coming Out !)
Branch Davidians siege in spring 1993.
Four hundred to attempt to seize the old bulb and then
surround the house when it rebuffs them.
%%
 -- How many
    BATF agents
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Note: BATF is The US Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms,
responsible for setting up that Waco (We Aint Coming Out !)
Branch Davidians siege in spring 1993.
It doesn't matter, they just burn down the house.
%%
 -- How many
    Bavarian Illuminati
 -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three: one to screw it in, and one to confuse the issue.
%%
 -- How many
    Bayesians/subjectivists
 -- does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
As many as you think it takes.
P.S. Fortunately, the author has learned much about Bayesian
inference (and about the subjectivity inherent in "classical"
inference) since then -- so spare us the flames about the
misperceptions on which the above joke is based.
%%
 -- How many
    Belgians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
%%
 -- How many
    believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential
candidates
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
%%
 -- How many
    Bell Labs Vice Presidents
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it
usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
%%
 -- How many
    Bell Labs Vice Presidents
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on
payment of license fee (binary only).
%%
 -- How many
    Beverly hills realtors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to screw it in and two to learn Arabic.
Note: Realtor is a person who deals in real-estate, the joke
referes to the many arabs who are moving to high-class
neigbourhoods in the United States.
%%
 -- How many
    Beverly Hills residents
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they have a service come in and do that.
%%
 -- How many
    big black monoliths
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
%%
 -- How many
    big black monoliths
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
Note: It might be something to do with the film - 2001 Space
Odyssey. It's more the book, actually. That and "The Lost
Worlds of 2001" should help illuminate this one. The big
black monoliths, according to the books, are meant to help
man evolve, something sort of hinted at in the film but more
explicitly stated in the books.
%%
 -- How many
    bikers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick
the switch.
%%
 -- How many
    Bill Clintons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and
gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill,
and blames republicans and special interests for not making
light bulbs free.
%%
 -- How many
    Bill Clintons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None -- He'll only promise "change."
%%
 -- How many
    Bill Clintons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two -- One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and
one to obscure the issues.
%%
 -- How many
    blacks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: One to boogie up the ladder, two to keep the beat.
%%
 -- How many
    blind people
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It depends whether the switch is on or off.
If the switch is off, one. If the switch is on, any
number, until one of them figures out to turn it off.
%%
 -- How many
    blondes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Blondes screw in back seats, not in light bulbs, silly.
%%
 -- How many
    blondes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It depends how many blondes there are, but some people
prefer it with the lights off.
%%
 -- How many
    blondes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around
her.
%%
 -- How many
    blondes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to hold the light bulb, two to spin the ladder.
%%
 -- How many
    blondes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
%%
 -- How many
    blondes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"What's a light bulb?"
%%
 -- How many
    bluegrass musicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It doesn't matter because the banjo player is gonna' change
it again anyway after everybody else is done.
%%
 -- How many
    bluegrass musicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't. They only use acoustic light bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    bluegrass musicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, one to do it and two to argue about whether that was
the way Bill Monroe would have done it.
%%
 -- How many
    bluegrass musicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to screw it in and one to complain that it is
electrified.
%%
 -- How many
    Blue Peter presenters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One to make the new bulb out of an empty loo roll and
sticky back plastic.
%%
 -- How many
    Blue Peter presenters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and one to turn the old one into
an attractive Christmas tree decoration.
%%
 -- How many
    blues musicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to go to Chicago because there might be a light bulb
there and the other to play harp.
%%
 -- How many
    boarding school students
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they have their parents do it for them.
%%
 -- How many
    board meetings
 -- does it take to get a light bulb changed?
This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is
incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will
be continued next week. Meanwhile...
%%
 -- How many
    Boddhisattvas
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One - "If the thunder don't get you, then the lightning will"
%%
 -- How many
    body builders
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge
muscles !"
%%
 -- How many
    Borg
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them.
%%
 -- How many
    Borg
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just assimilate the bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    Borg
 -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  All of them.
%%
 -- How many
    Branch Davidians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they provide their own illumination.
Nine, one to do it and the other eight to find a leg for
him to stand on.
%%
 -- How many
    Bratzlaver Chasidim
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  They will never find one that burned as brightly as the
first one.
%%
 -- How many
    brewers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
1/3 as many as for a regular bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    British navy Officers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes him seven weeks to get there.
%%
 -- How many
    British trades unionists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They cannot interfere with the light bulb's inalienable
right to withdraw its labour.
%%
 -- How many
    Brown students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven, one to change the light bulb and ten to share the
experience.
%%
 -- How many
    Buffalonians
 -- does it take to screw a in a light bulb?
Two-one to get the new bulb out of the snowbank, and one to
screw it in.
%%
 -- How many
    builders
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but I'll 'ave to take out yer rafters and 'ave a go at
yer damp an'all missus. Gi's a week or two and I'll drop
round some numbers.
%%
 -- How many
    bureaucrats
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to change the light bulb and the other four to
fill out the Environmental Impact Statement.
%%
 -- How many
    bureaucrats
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. But she gets promoted three times before she
finally finishes screwing it up.
%%
 -- How many
    bureaucrats
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, we contract out for things like that.
%%
 -- How many
    bureaucrats
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to spot the burned-out bulb, his supervisor to authorize
a requisition, a requisition typist, twelve clerks to file
the requisition copies, a mail clerk to deliver the
requisition to the purchasing department, a purchasing agent
to order the bulb, a clerk to forward the purchasing order, a
clerk to mail-order a receiving clerk to receive the bulb....
%%
 -- How many
    bureaucrats
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seven-- one to supervise, one to arrange for the electricity
to be shut off, one to make sure that safety and quality
standards are maintained, one to monitor compliance with
local, state, and federal regulations, one to manage
personnel relations, one to fill out the paperwork and one to
screw the light bulb into the water faucet.
%%
 -- How many
    bureaucrats
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being
done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
%%
 -- How many
    bureaucrats
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to screw it up.
%%
 -- How many
    cabbage patch dolls
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
the question is irrelevant since you couldn't find the dolls
even if you knew how many.
Note: Topical to 1983 and the difficulty of obtaining cabbage
patch dolls
%%
 -- How many
    cafeteria staff
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up.
%%
 -- How many
    Californians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs!
%%
 -- How many
    Californians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Eleven. One to change it and ten to follow the trend.
%%
 -- How many
    Californians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to screw it in and four to sit in the hot tub and
discuss the environmental impact.
%%
 -- How many
    Californians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six. One to screw it in, one for support, and four to share
the experience.
%%
 -- How many
    Californians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - one to change the light bulb and two to say "Oh Wow!"
%%
 -- How many
    Canadians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to spray green paint onto the bulb so noone bashes
it with a big stick, one to change it, one to suggest they
all roll a log down a hill to celebrate, and one to invite
all the others round to his log cabin so they can all watch
his moose moult.
%%
 -- How many
    Canadians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to see an American do it first.
%%
 -- How many
    Canadians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to
decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain
that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native
Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians
have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action
Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been
underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to
the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and
not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it
in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the
government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for
everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.
%%
 -- How many
    Canadian sex murderers
 -- does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
[punchline forbidden on Canadian newsservers by publication
ban; e-mail list maintainer]
%%
 -- How many
    Cancerians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, and they'll use a non-disposable diaper too!
%%
 -- How many
    Cancerians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help
them through the grief process.
%%
 -- How many
    Cancerians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: Cancerians would worry themselves to death with
the problem.
%%
 -- How many
    Capricorns
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
%%
 -- How many
    Capricorns
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Capricorns can't afford new light bulbs - unless
they're a legitimate business expense.
%%
 -- How many
    Capricorns
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: Why should I bother? It's probably just going to
burn out again tomorrow anyway.
%%
How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to
be someone.
 -- Coco Chanel
%%
 -- How many
    Carl Sagans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Billions and billions.
%%
 -- How many
    carpenters
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sod you! That's the electrician's job.
%%
 -- How many
    cataloguers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but the Library of Congress has to do it first.
%%
 -- How many
    cats
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with
gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the
light you need.
%%
 -- How many
    CD player users
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the old bulb keeps getting
stustustustustustustustustustuck
%%
 -- How many
    censors
 -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
[deleted]
%%
 -- How many
    "Changing light bulbs"-joke writers
 -- does it take to
change a light bulb?
Two hundred, and don't ask why because they haven't figured
that out yet.
%%
howmanycharactersdoyouthinkyoucanfitintoonetaglineanyway?
%%
 -- How many
    chess computers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to remove the light bulb by capturing it en
passant, one to put the new one in by taking back the move
whereby the old one was unscrewed, one to go snatching some
pawns while all this action takes place on the other side of
the board, and one to flash its lights, make lots of noise,
and announce out of the blue that it has found a forced mate
in seven.
%%
 -- How many
    chess grandmasters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
21. One to have the idea, and a whole load more to do
all the analysis.
%%
 -- How many
    chess grandmasters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They are too "Short".
%%
 -- How many
    chickens
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, and she'll screw it in as soon as she decides
it isn't going to hatch.
%%
 -- How many
    chickens
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They're all far too busy crossing the road.
%%
 -- How many
    chickens
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two-one to do it and one to cross the road.
%%
 -- How many
    Chinamen
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Thousands, because Confucious say many hands make light work.
%%
 -- How many
    Chinese Red Guards
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
%%
 -- How many
    Chinese students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve: one to screw in the light bulb, one to sit in the
jail, and ten to demonstrate on the streets.
%%
 -- How many
    chiropractors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes nine visits.
%%
 -- How many
    Christian fundamentalists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The Bible doesn't mention light bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    Christian Scientists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old
one to go back on.
%%
 -- How many
    Christians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
200!!! 100 to sit in church and pray long sonorous prayers for it
to see the light again, 10 to stand on street corners and point out
to others how that if they don't accept what they're being told,
their light might go out as well, 3 to try and exorcise the demon of
darkness out of the light bulb, 2 to gather together in 
"the name of the lord" because where two or more are gathered together
in "his" name....., 10 to write to the alt.satanism newsgroup
to inform them that one of their own lights is having trouble
paying the electric bill (as if that'll convince us all to change
our beliefs), 74 to try and convince it to publicly "admit" its sins
so the lord can make it bright again, and 1 true idiot telling the
light bulb that if it really wants to be saved that all it has to do
is accept some paper god and pledge it 10 percent of its income and
at least 1 day a week of time and at least insult and generally bug
5+ people a day recounting how "I used to be a satanist" (no, really
- gasp) and now I've found the light. Yes, do all of this - and the
light will just, by the will of god, come back on - unless god is just
"testing" the light bulb, then it may stay dark forever.
%%
 -- How many
    Christians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but they're really only one.
%%
 -- How many
    Chuck Robbs does it to take to screw in a light bulb?
None, Douglas Wilder broke his lamp and Oliver North sold his
light bulb to Iran.
%%
 -- How many
    circus performers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get
ready, and four to go!
%%
 -- How many
    circus performers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!
%%
 -- How many
    city planners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six - four to write an extensive study recommending a three-way
100/200/250 watt light bulb, one to write an article in the
newspaper praising the study, and one to put in a 10 watt blub
instead.
%%
 -- How many
    civil servants
 -- does it take to change the light bulb?
45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
%%
 -- How many
    classical music singers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None - "Impossible. The altitude may put unnecessary strain on
my vocal chords. Have the bassist do it."
%%
 -- How many
    'Cliffie girls
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It's "Radcliffe Women" and it's not funny!
Note: Radcliffe is the all-women's college near Harvard that
used to be where women went before Harvard went co-ed. Since
then it has earned a reputation for militant feminism as it
has remained all-female. The joke is on feminists' supposed
failure to laugh along at deprecatory remarks.
%%
 -- How many
    CND supporters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They won't, because:
o "I'm not about to touch anything that has WATT written
on it!"
o "If we change our bulb, they will just change theirs to
a brighter one, so where will it all end?"
o "We already have enough bulbs to illuminate the entire
world three times over."
o "We shouldn't spend money for light bulbs as long as
anyone is hungry anywhere."
o "We don't know what effect all this artificial light
will have on the future of mankind."
o "Nature provides us with all the light we need; we just
haven't learned to husband it yet."
o "Artificial light isn't aesthetically correct."
o "The candle is more traditional, and it uses no
electricity."
o "It is the responsibility of the Federal Government to
provide light to all Americans, without regard to race,
age, creed, color sex (anatomic), sex (persuasion),
religion, socio-economic status, national origin, or
need."
%%
 -- How many
    college students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
I dunno, I forgot my calculator at home.
%%
 -- How many
    Columbia students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventy-six, one to change the light bulb, fifty to protest
the light bulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold
a counter-protest.
%%
How many "coming people" has one known!  Where on earth do they all go to?
%%
 -- How many
    Communists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old
one has burnt out.
%%
 -- How many
    Communists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.
%%
 -- How many
    company biotechnologists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
%%
 -- How many
    computer journalists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five-one to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so
you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a
remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a
third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months
later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint
in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is
coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb
is shipping with a virus.
%%
 -- How many
    computer salespeople
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. You don't need a new lightbulb - you need to upgrade your
socket to the '486 version.
%%
 -- How many
    computer science students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They are far too busy hacking.
%%
 -- How many
    computer security experts
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"That depends on the TCSEC rating of the object light bulb.
If it's a C2 bulb (or below), one. If a B1 bulb, just one,
but he/she must document the potential covert channel. If a
B2 bulb, he/she must also audit the covert channel. If a
B3/A1 bulb, none, since covert channels are not allowed. [See
also the "Orange Book"]
%%
 -- How many
    conductors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. (Indignant nose upturned.) Of course, I wouldn't expect
you to understand.
%%
 -- How many
    congressmen
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five hundred and thirty-five, but only if the following conditions are met:
The light bulb will not be changed in an election year. A committee will study
the light-bulb situation for at least a year. Taxes will have to be raised.
A fair and proportionate number of the light-bulb changers will be from
minority groups. No Social Security funds will be used to change the bulb.
Each state and congressional district will share in the benefits of changing
the light bulb. The blame for the failure of the present bulb will be assigned
to the other party. The new bulb will be twice as bright as the old bulb.
Because the new bulb is twice as bright as the old bulb, it will cost 130 times
as much. A Blue Ribbon Panel will investigate the light-bulb failures and issue
a mega-page report to the congress. A fact-finding trip to all countries known
to produce light bulbs will be made by most congressmen and their wives.
The CIA will investigate the Russian light-bulb-changing system. Details of the
Russian light-bulb-changing system will be sold to the Chinese by an American
naval officer. The surgeon general will issue a report about the perils of
over-bright light bulbs. A program to supply light bulbs to those who cannot
afford them will be introduced by Tip O'Neill. President Reagan will give
a speech extolling the virtues of kerosene lanterns. Tip O'Neall will initiate
a program of free kerosene for the needy. And finally, each and every
congressman will send every one of his constituents a newsletter describing how
he managed to get the light bulb changed almost single-handedly.
%%
 -- How many
    Conservative economists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely
getting brighter !!!
%%
 -- How many
    Conservative economists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The invisible hand does it.
%%
 -- How many
    Conservative economists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "There is no need to change the light bulb. All the
conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show
growing confidence in the light bulb lighting up again."
%%
 -- How many
    conservatives
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the
previous bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    consultants
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
%%
 -- How many
    consultants
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
%%
How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin?
%%
 -- How many
    contrabassoon players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to hold the bulb and the other four to figure out the
fingerings.
%%
 -- How many
    Contras
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he needs one Iranian, one Israeli, four
Canadians, and Arab, twenty Swiss, and Afghan, and
Oliver North to help him.
%%
 -- How many
    Contras
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he doesn't know where it came from.
%%
 -- How many
    cops
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
%%
 -- How many
    cops
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, it fell down the stairs, sir.
%%
 -- How many
    cops
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turned itself in.
%%
 -- How many
    copyeditors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The last time this question was asked, it involved art
directors. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the
other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.
%%
 -- How many
    Cornell students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change the light bulb and one to crack under the
pressure.
%%
 -- How many
    Cosmopolitan readers
 -- does it take to change a
light-bulb?
Two, one to change the light-bulb and one to have an orgasm
with the old one.
%%
 -- How many
    country & western singers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is
at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love
she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw
his hat in the air.
%%
 -- How many
    cover artists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Why is there...an eggbeater, I think?...sticking out of this
light fixture?
%%
 -- How many
    cover blurb writers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!
%%
 -- How many
    C++ programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
At least a dozen, but it's impossible to tell which one it
is, because they're all pointing at each other going "That's
me, over there !"
%%
 -- How many
    C programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they forgot to declare it first
%%
 -- How many
    C++ programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light
bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic
light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light
bulb change message.
%%
 -- How many
    creatures from Altair VII
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Though he will break the new bulb, the glow from his
fingerprints will provide a quite nice illumination. (Someone
please tell me what TV programme this is from...)
%%
 -- How many
    cryonicists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four - One to ensure that the light bulb is certifiably dead,
one to perfuse it with cryoprotectants, one to slowly cool it
to liquid nitrogen temperature, and one to wait two hundred
years for technology to advance sufficiently to revive it.
%%
 -- How many
    dadaists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
%%
 -- How many
    dadaists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
Note: The "dadaist" answer, like dadaism itself, goes further
than the surrealist one. Whereas the surrealist one at least
bears the semblance of a relationship to the question, the
dadaist one is the punchline to another joke entirely.
%%
 -- How many
    Daleks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
1,500,000: To conquer a race that can climb ladders for
them.
%%
 -- How many
    Daleks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Daleks don't change light bulbs, they level the
building.
%%
 -- How many
    Dan Quayles
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    Dario Argento fans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to film the demise of the old
one in explicit gorey detail, using obscure camera angles.
%%
 -- How many
    Dartmouth students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, Hanover doesn't have electricity.
%%
 -- How many
    data base people
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to
write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a
light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to
change the light bulb at the same time.
%%
 -- How many
    DBMS engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
ALL. Two to support the backend, one to support the frontend, an interface
engineer to screw it up, and the rest to turn the base.
%%
 -- How many
    dead babies
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as it takes to make a pile big enough to climb on to
reach the bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    Dead-Heads
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
10,001..... One to change the light bulb and 10,000 to follow
the burnt-out one!!
%%
 -- How many
    dead politicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as possible.
%%
 -- How many
    deaf blind people
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on whether or not you can get them to notice the
darkness...
%%
 -- How many
    deconstructionists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter. Even if the bulb is screwed in, it
will always be flickering, however faintly, so it really
hasn't worked. It is incapable of delivering
uninterrupted light.
%%
 -- How many
    deconstructionists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
You have to examine the nature of the question.
%%
 -- How many
    Democratic presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to screw in a light bulb?
(Al Gore) As usual, the other left-wing wacko candidates
are putting forth solutions that moderate Southerners
won't cotton to on Super Tuesday. At least I hope not.
%%
 -- How many
    Democratic presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to screw in a light bulb?
(Bruce Babbitt) It's foolish to talk about screwing in
light bulbs when we haven't even taken the first step,
and that is to remove the old bulb. I challenge my
fellow candidates to stand up with me and help me remove
this old light bulb [stands, but nobody else does] Hah!
What wimps. You guys make Bush look like Rambo.
%%
 -- How many
    Democratic presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to screw in a light bulb?
(Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an
obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this
campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people
resent it.
%%
 -- How many
    Democratic presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to screw in a light bulb?
(Jesse Jackson) Changing the light bulb is a partial
solution at best. I'm more of a Lone Ranger than a light
bulb changer. But even the Lone Ranger had Tonto and
Silver, and the shameful fact is that the American
Indians of today don't have enough silver, or gold, or
even paper money to allow them to buy into the American
Dream or some extra light bulbs. We must ensure that all
Americans can light their homes, from the lighthouse to
the White House.
%%
 -- How many
    Democratic presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to screw in a light bulb?
(Mike Dukakis) In Massachusetts, my enlightened
government has made it unnecessary for people to screw
in their own light bulbs, as we have put thousands of
former welfare recipients to work for the Dept. of Light
Bulb Installation. These employees will come to your
home or business and install any incandescent bulb, on
only a few months notice.
%%
 -- How many
    Democratic presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to screw in a light bulb?
(Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for
wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But
that's what Paul Simon's all about. And I suppose my
media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in
all candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did
in the 50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn it.
%%
 -- How many
    Democratic presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to screw in a light bulb?
(Richard Gephart) It doesn't matter whether the bulb is
changed or not; it only matters that the new bulb was
made in the US of A. Taiwan and South Korea have put up
massive barriers to importing US light bulbs; we'll see
how they like it when their bulbs cost $10,000 to screw
in here.
%%
 -- How many
    dentists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the
light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink
mouthwash.
%%
 -- How many
    Denver Broncos
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, unless it was a blow out, then all of them show up.
(also Buffalo Bills)
(Commentary from an American: Oh, please <groan> :-). I live
in Buffalo, so it's a slightly sore subject. This relates to
recent Super Bowls. The Broncos have been to four Super
Bowls, and lost three by huge margins-"blowouts". Likewise
the Bills, the pride and joy of our city, have lost the last
three straight, the last two by overwhelming margins.)
31/01/94 And another one too, by 30-13 !!! Brian.
%%
 -- How many
    developers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
The light bulb works fine on the system in my office . . .
%%
 -- How many
    dinosaurs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes thousands of dinosaurs millions of years......cos
they have to evolve deposable thumbs so that they can grip
the bulb to screw it in. :)
%%
 -- How many
    Directors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. No, five. No, you go away - four. YES! Four! Perfect!
%%
 -- How many
    Directors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
What do you think? (Theatre humour)
%%
 -- How many
    disaster recovery planners
 -- does it take to change a light
bulb?
None. If you will all evacuate to our backup facilities in West
Perth you will find that our backup bulb is already glowing
brightly and was brought up only one hour after notification of
failure of the primary bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    divorcees
 -- does it take to change a light bulb ?
None. The sockets all went with the house.
%%
 -- How many
    Dixons assistants
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Err. Nahh, it's MEANT to go dark after a few weeks. It's a new
fangled addition. It's been developed by, er, (etc...)
%%
 -- How many
    doctors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to
the surgery later.
%%
 -- How many
    doctors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the
mortuary.
%%
 -- How many
    doctors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo
diazapines.
%%
 -- How many
    doctors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to
screw in.
%%
 -- How many
    doctors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That depends on whether it has health insurance.
%%
 -- How many
    doctors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb
installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
%%
 -- How many
    dorm residents
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Trick Question.  Dorm residents don't change them, they steal them.
%%
 -- How many
    Douglas Wilders
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know, he can't decide if he is going to screw a light
bulb in or not!
(Douglas Wilder dropped his candidacy for a seat in the Senate
for Virginia, but then redecided to run after all.)
%%
 -- How many
    DR. ROCKETs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
juSt ONe, BUt he CHAngES It tO RADioACtIVE dusT WItH HIs
NuclEAR WArHead!!
%%
 -- How many
    drummers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
10. One to change the light bulb and the other 9 to discuss
how John Bonham (or Steve Gadd) would have done it !
%%
 -- How many
    drummers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have a machine that does that now.
%%
 -- How many
    drummers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but only after asking "Why?"
%%
 -- How many
    drummers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One .. Two, and a-one two three four
%%
 -- How many
    drummers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that
they can't just be pushed in.
%%
 -- How many
    drummers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but
only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
%%
 -- How many
    drunk Irishmen
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
100. One to hold the light bulb, and 99 to drink until the room
starts to spin.
%%
 -- How many
    dull people
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
%%
 -- How many
    Dune Coons
 -- does it take to replace a light bulb?
Three - one to hold the bulb and two to turn the stool, but
they need a foreign adviser to tell them it was burned out.
Note: I presume a "Dune Coon" means a 3rd world peasant.
%%
 -- How many
    Dylan fans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is
blowin' in the wind.
%%
 -- How many
    dyslexics (sp?)
 -- does it take to bulb a like change?
10, one to change the light bulb and 9 to missread the
manual (sp?).
%%
 -- How many
    dyslexics (sp?)
 -- does it take to bulb a like change?
Eno.
%%
 -- How many
    economists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would
screw itself in.
%%
 -- How many
    economists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces
would have already caused it to happen.
%%
 -- How many
    economists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to assume the latter (a pun) and change the bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    editors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but first they have to rewire the entire building.
%%
 -- How many
    editors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection
slip to the old bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    editors of Poor Richard's Almanac
 -- does it take to replace a light bulb?
Many hands make light work.
Note: "Poor Richard's Almanac" is a classic of colonial
Americana, written (pseudonymously) by Ben Franklin in the
1740s. It advocates a simple, thrifty lifestyle in the form
of aphorisms, including that one, so it makes a nice play on
words.
%%
 -- How many
    EEPers
 -- does it take to replace a light bulb?
Ten - 1 to replace the bulb and 9 to do a long term study of
the effects on his/her social development relative to
same-age peers who sat around in the dark.
Note: EEP = Early Entrance Program at the University of
Washington
%%
 -- How many
    efficiency experts
 -- does it take to replace a light bulb?
None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    egotists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds onto the light bulb, and waits for the world to
revolve around him.
%%
 -- How many
    Einsteins
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the
bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier
to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all
relative.
%%
 -- How many
    election canvassers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They'd just go round telling everyone that it's time
for a change but the only way this can come about is if
everyone votes for "New light bulb."
%%
 -- How many
    electrical engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
We don't know yet. They're still waiting on a part.
%%
 -- How many
    elephants
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it has to stand on a trunk to do it.
%%
 -- How many
    elephants
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but it has to be a pretty big light bulb!
%%
 -- How many
    emergency room technicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend 45 minutes in the waiting room.
%%
 -- How many
    engineering students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
%%
 -- How many
    Englishmen
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb!
We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just
fine.
%%
 -- How many
    Ergonomicists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five - four to decide which way the bulb OUGHT to turn,
and...
%%
 -- How many
    Essex Girls
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they only screw in Cortinas
%%
 -- How many
    EST followers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A roomful. They take turns as the leader tells them what
rotten and worthless bulb screwers they are. No one is
allowed to leave the room to go to the bathroom while the
bulb screwing is in progress.
Note: EST (Erhard Seminars Training) was some sort of
self-esteem-building programme that was popular in the late
1970s. The sessions were as described in the punchline.
%%
 -- How many
    Ethiopians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to
eat the packaging.
%%
 -- How many
    <ethnic> gods
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
%%
 -- How many
    <ethnics>
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
%%
 -- How many
    <ethnics>
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We don't know yet. No <ethnic> has ever tried to attempt
this complex (by <ethnic> standards) technical feat.
%%
 -- How many
    European ballet dancers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they like Danzig in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    Europeans
 -- does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
Who needs a light bulb when you have two suns?
Note: This joke was created after the creator saw the movie
2010.
%%
 -- How many
    Evangelists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
33. One to do it, 2 to bask in its glory, and 30 to take
collections in the bulb's name.
%%
 -- How many
    evolutionists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.
%%
 -- How many
    executives
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the
ramifications of the change.
%%
 -- How many
    existentialists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out
toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
%%
 -- How many
    experienced computer users
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Dammit, why do they have to keep changing it ? Every bloody
week. You'd've thought they'd have learnt by now, if it's not
broken they shouldn't bugger about with it. What's that ? It
WAS broken this time you say ? Blush
%%
 -- How many
    EXPLAINORs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because The KILLOR killed him!
%%
 -- How many
    fatalists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    Federal employees
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
%%
 -- How many
    female opera singers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If they sing loudly enough they'll break it.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
100. One to change it, and 99 to wring their hands and
agonize about how oppressed the socket is.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
11. 1 to change the light bulb and 10 to form a
survivors of darkness support group!
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
30,000 to start a letter writing campaign protesting
Newt Gingrich cutting off funds for the Federal Light
Bulb Changing Agency...
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
50,000 marching on Ottawa (or Washington) demanding the
LB be changed!
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Feminists don't screw at all. That's what sperm banks
are for!
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five, four to try like men and fail miserably, one to
find a female electrician, settle for a man and picket
as he works.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"Hey man, screwing objectifies the LB"
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How old-fashioned. The other 99 are there to lobby
Congress to outlaw crimes against sockets -- and to say
the bulb-changer is not a representative of mainstream
feminism.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
If a feminist does screw in a light bulb, it will be up
to the government or the father to support any children
resulting from such a sexual act. She will also require
free day care for the light bulb children and federal
funding for studies of how light-bulb children should be
treated under affirmative action hiring quotas.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's sexual harassment to even SUGGEST jokingly on the
net that a woman SCREW in anything. This posting will be
banned by the FCC.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nobody knows. But everyone knows that women and
minorities will suffer more than anyone else because
it's dark.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It's not the light bulb that needs changing.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
NONE! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Women have a supreme court, constitionally
protected right to work in the dark if they choose to.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. And when she replaces it, she will think of Mother
Earth and use a fluorescent lamp designed to last 3
times longer and protect the environment... But if a man
isn't paying for it, then she will use the cheapest one.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But if she was a WHITE MALE (like Donald Trump),
she would be able to replace the light bulb much easier.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But if the bulb IS replaced, the job will go to a
minority or woman contractor.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seven. One to change the light bulb, three to protest
the offense committed by the light bulb in regards to
the socket, two to secretly wish they were the socket,
and one to secretly wish she was the light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seventy. One to change it while the others make a 69.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten: To form a university funded protest committee to
research how the white male patriarchy conspires to keep
women and minorities in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That depends. If there is money in it, it takes 10
women-only-government- contractors working 2 years at a
salary of $50,000 per year. Otherwise, it's
traditionally expected for the man to do it.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That's not funny, abusive white male aggressor!!
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - one to do it, the others to consider unscrewing
it before it's a third of the way in.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to file a sexual
harassment lawsuit on behalf of the bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - one to screw it in and two to talk about the
sexual implications.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two..............IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH
THAT?????!!!!???
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to change it and one to tell her she did a
really good job.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to change it and one to threaten to do a
Lorena Bobbitt on any man who tries to interfere.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to change the bulb and one to write about how
it feels.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to threaten that as a mother, she will be
unable to provide her children light without federal
assistance; and a N.O.W. attorney to ask the Justice
Department to sue GE for allowing the bulb to go out in
the first place.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to wait for a federal agency to send someone to
screw it in. Another to file harassment charges against
the men possibly looking at her in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Unknown. But the federal government's welfare reform
will limit the number of free light bulbs a woman can
receive to under 2 years supply.
%%
 -- How many
    feminists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who cares as long as one of 'em sucks my cock.
%%
 -- How many
    field service engineers
 -- does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
%%
 -- How many
    field service engineers
 -- does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
Well, the diagnostics all check out fine, so it's a software
problem.
How long will it take?
That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've
brought with them.
What if you have two dead bulbs?
They replace your fuse box.
%%
 -- How many
    field service engineers
 -- does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
Who can tell. FSE's are always in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    fighter pilots
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one because the world revolves around him.
%%
 -- How many
    Filipinoes
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We don't know. The new bulb keeps getting shot at the airport.
%%
 -- How many
    fine artists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how
good it looks.
%%
 -- How many
    firemen
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four - one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.
%%
 -- How many
    first-time computer users
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it takes him three hours and two phone calls to the
electrician before he realizes he forgot to turn the switch
on.
%%
 -- How many
    first year civil engineering students
 -- does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. That's a second year subject.
%%
 -- How many
    fish
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
surrealist.
%%
 -- How many
    flies
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two--but how did they get in there?
%%
 -- How many
    flute players
 -- does it to take to change a light bulb?
5, one to change the bulb, one to pull the ladder out from
under her, and three to bitch about how much better they would
have done it.
%%
 -- How many
    folk-dancers
 -- does it take to change a light-bulb?
Just one, but they break a lot of bulbs, when they drop
everything to get onto the dance-floor when they hear the
introduction to a dance they want to do.
%%
 -- How many
    folklorists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it and nine to document it.
%%
 -- How many
    folk singers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how
good the old light bulb was.
%%
 -- How many
    football managers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it would only take one, but actually he doesn't change
it at all if it worked all right for him last time (lest he
gets caricatured on the back page of the gutter press.)
%%
 -- How many
    FORTRAN programs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
1.00000000001
%%
 -- How many
    Frank Zappa's
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the light bulb is not dead, it just smells funny.
Note: Frank Zappa (being a jazz musician (among other styles))
commented on contemporary jazz: "Jazz is not dead--it just
smells funny."
%%
 -- How many
    frat guys
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five: One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer
until the room spins.
%%
 -- How many
    frat guys
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Frat boys screw in puddles of vomit.
%%
 -- How many
    frat guys
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him
down off the keg.
%%
 -- How many
    freelance biotechnologists
 -- does it take to change a light
bulb?
One; he designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old
one and screw itself in.
%%
 -- How many
    French farmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. Farmer #1 goes away and gets a new light bulb. Farmer
#2 notices that it has been imported from Britain and
promptly sets fire to it, so farmer #1 has to go and get
another one, and then farmer #3 changes it.
Note: Topical to French farmers setting fire to imported
British sheep.
%%
 -- How many
    French horn players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for
alignment and leaks.
%%
 -- How many
    Freudians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the ladder and one to change the penis. Oops!
I mean, er, the light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    furfen
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb up the ladder and change the light bulb.
One to complain that there was too much erotica in the
previous answer and this one, and that people should come up
with more non-erotic answers because of the impact on public
negativity towards furriness. And the third to explain about
their erotic dreams involving furry light bulb jokes.
Note: furfen = fans of furries. "fen" is a long-used plural
for "fan".
%%
 -- How many
    furries
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to climb up the ladder and change the light bulb.
Three to protect the first with overkill-type weaponry, wear
clothing which emphasizes curves and musculature, and look
cute and dangerous at the same time.
Note: furries = characters in what's called "furry" science
fiction. Best depicted on cover art; the men look like
bodybuilders, the women are indescribably buxom, and both
wear some version of Tarzan/Jane-style costumes to show as
much skin and musculature as possible.
%%
 -- How many
    games machine programmers
 -- does it take to screw in a
light-bulb?
One, but he needs the seal of approval from Nintendo before he
can put his light-bulb in their socket.
%%
 -- How many
    gardeners
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. The new light bulbs are just as easy to change
as the older, heavier ones.
%%
 -- How many
    gardeners
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to have a debate about
whether this is the right time of year to be putting in
light bulbs or daffodil bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    gas fitters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: One to turn up the day before when you're out, one to
change the switch, and one to bring along the wrong kind of
bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    gay men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hey, don't let's talk about the light bulb, honey, let's
talk about the shade !
%%
 -- How many
    gay men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they get screwed in the ass instead.
%%
 -- How many
    gay men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes the entire emergency room staff
to remove it!
%%
 -- How many
    gay men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, one to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to
shriek "Fabulous!"
%%
 -- How many
    gay men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to grow a droopy
moustache.
%%
 -- How many
    gay rights activists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: The bulb shouldn't have to change for society to accept it.
%%
 -- How many
    Geminis
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, but they never change it - they just keep arguing
about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to
be done.
%%
 -- How many
    Geminis
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two (of course) but it will take all week, and when
they're done the light bulb will do your homework, speak
French, and shine any color you want it to.
%%
 -- How many
    Geminis
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. Plus a portable phone, an Internet link and a copy
of the 'Bluffer's Guide to Changing Light Bulbs.'
%%
 -- How many
    (Generals/Politicians)
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild
civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
%%
 -- How many
    (Generals/Politicians)
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can all see by the light at the end of the tunnel.
%%
 -- How many
    (generation) Xers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to go and shoplift the bulb so the boomers have
something to screw in and the other to screw it in for
minimum wage.
%%
 -- How many
    Germans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They assign the task to a gastarbeiter.
%%
 -- How many
    Germans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one
to screw it in.
%%
 -- How many
    Germans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ve are asking ze qvestions here!
%%
 -- How many
    giraffes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
4, one screw for each of their necks.
%%
 -- How many
    GLC workers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to do it and three to go round putting up posters
announcing that the GLC, working for London, is going to
change the light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    gnomes
 -- does it take to change a light light bulb?
None. The light bulb keeps blowing up.
%%
 -- How many
    gnomes
 -- does it take to change a light light bulb?
Ohwedon'tuselightbulbsanymoreaswemadevastimprovementsonthat
inventionlongagowhenmyGreatgrandfatherdiscovered...
%%
 -- How many
    gnomes
 -- does it take to change a light light bulb?
The answer's in committee.
%%
 -- How many
    gorillas
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
%%
 -- How many
    Goths
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They prefer everything all black anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    government officials
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One Republican, ten Democrats, and the Supreme Court - to
determine its constitutionality.
%%
 -- How many
    graduate students
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1/100. A graduate student needs to change 100 light
bulbs a day.
%%
 -- How many
    graduate students
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $100,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and
I'm sure he can tell me how to do the work for him so he
can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital
question.
%%
 -- How many
    graduate students
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It all depends on the size of the grant.
%%
 -- How many
    graduate students
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him
to get it done.
%%
 -- How many
    graduate students
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two and a professor to take credit.
%%
 -- How many
    Greek gods
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
%%
 -- How many
    Green Party members
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they use light bulbs which don't burn out, so they don't
know how.
%%
 -- How many
    Greenpeace researchers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to put in the new one and one to recycle the old one.
%%
 -- How many
    grocery store cashiers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill.
%%
 -- How many
    guitarists/actors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One hundred. One to screw it in and 99 to say, "Oh, I can do
that."
%%
 -- How many
    guitarists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
5, one to do it and 4 to say that they liked it but would
have done it a bit differently.
%%
 -- How many
    guitarists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change it, and four to stand around going "Huh !
I could've done that !"
%%
 -- How many
    gully dwarves
 -- does it take to change a light light bulb?
Two. Not more than two.
%%
 -- How many
    gully dwarves
 -- does it take to change a light light bulb?
What light bulb?
%%
 -- How many
    gully dwarves
 -- does it take to change a light light bulb?
You sure it's dark?
%%
 -- How many
    gun control advocates
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Let the police do it - private citizens can't be trusted
with light bulbs !
%%
 -- How many
    gun control advocates
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't do that; they pass laws against burned-out
bulbs, and then they wonder why it's still so dark.
Meanwhile, a lot of people get hurt because they can't
see.
%%
 -- How many
    gypsies
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.
Note: None because gypsies don't have mains electricity, and
the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies.
You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the
hallway lamp, pretty soon you have one less light bulb and
the hallway lamp is still out.
%%
 -- How many
    hackers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They use a hammer.
%%
 -- How many
    hardware engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  They always work in the dark!!!!
%%
 -- How many
    hardware engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll fix it in software."
%%
 -- How many
     hardware guys
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Well the diagnostics say it's fine buddy, so it's a software problem.
%%
 -- How many
    Hare Krishnas
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten, one to do it and the rest to dance around, play the
tambourine, chant, and sing lots of songs using only the
words "Hare Krishna."
%%
 -- How many
    Harvard men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They're too good (nose in the air) to do such menial work.
%%
 -- How many
    Harvard/Oxford students
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to
revolve around him.
%%
 -- How many
    health food freaks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to remove the old one, and one to check the
ingredients on the new one. (But did they change it for
health or philosophical reasons?)
%%
 -- How many
    Hegelians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, of course. One stands at one end of the room and argues
that it isn't dark; the other stands across from him and says
that true light is impossible. This dialectic creates a
synthesis when the bulb gets screwed in.
Note: Hegel and Marx use a logical procedure called
dialectics to seek answers to seemingly mutual exclusive
positions. Shortened it is "thesis, antithesis, synthesis".
Thus 'no light' and 'no dark' can arrive at a middle ground
through logical examination 'it's dark but it can be made
light'.
%%
 -- How many
    Heisenbergs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
If you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is.
%%
 -- How many
    Helmsley employees
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
100: 99 to try, and one to fire them all.
Note: Leona Helmsley is the owner of a (New York?) hotel who
was a real bitch to work for. She fired employees at little
or no provocation.
%%
 -- How many
    heterosexual males
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
Both of them.
%%
 -- How many
    Hindus
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to do the puja.
Note: PUJA is a religious ceremony.
%%
 -- How many
    hippies from Oregon
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?
%%
 -- How many
    holocaust revisionists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first
place.
%%
 -- How many
    Holy Clerics of Paladine
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  Paladine lights their path.
%%
 -- How many
    home owners
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes two weekends and four trips to the hardware store.
%%
 -- How many
    Home Secretaries
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - they merely sack someone else for letting it go out.
%%
 -- How many
    homophobes
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
First, they can't be sure the socket's feminine, and
second, they'd really rather the bulbs stayed in the
closet where they belong.
%%
 -- How many
    homophobes
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It obviously has to be done by just one. They don't
screw around with other men.
%%
 -- How many
    homophobes
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to do it, and one to get the sterile rubber
gloves because it's possible that a gay touched the bulb
before him.
%%
How many honest words have suffered corruption since Chaucer's days!
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- No Wit, no Help, like a Woman's, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
 -- How many
    Honor Guards
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
22, one to screw it in, 21 to shoot the bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    hookers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - they get screwed - they don't usually do the screwing.
%%
 -- How many
    hookers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. "Who needs lights?"
%%
 -- How many
    hors d'oeuvres you are allowed to take off a tray being
carried by a waiter at a nice party?

Two, but there are ways around it, depending on the style of the hors
d'oeuvre.    If they're those little pastry things where you can't tell
what's inside, you take one, bite off about two-thirds of it, then
say:  This is cheese!   I hate cheese!   Then you put the rest of it
back on the tray and bite another one and go, Darn it!   Another
cheese! and so on.
 -- Dave Barry, The Stuff of Etiquette
%%
 -- How many
    humans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Not sure; I only know it takes only one to press the button
which obliterates them all. The problem is estimating how
many thousand years will be required to rediscover the
technology to manufacture more and replace them.
%%
 -- How many
    humor theorists
 -- does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
300 - one to change the bulb and 299 to analyze it to death.
%%
 -- How many
    hunters
 -- does it take to screw a light bulb into a left-handed
socket?
There is no such thing as a left-handed socket, but if they
could screw right they would not be hunters.
%%
 -- How many
    hunt sabs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to do it and two to clean the muddy footprints off
the carpet and the chair he was standing on.
%%
 -- How many
    husbands
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to force it with a hammer and five to go out
for more bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    husbands
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
We'll know as soon as one gets off the couch and does
it.
%%
 -- How many
    IBM CPU's
 -- does it take to turn on a light bulb?
33 - 1 to process the instruction and 32 to process the
interrupt.
%%
 -- How many
    IBM engineers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a
feature.
%%
 -- How many
    IBM PC owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb
adaptor card first, which is extra.
%%
 -- How many
    IBM PC owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses
first.
%%
 -- How many
    IBM programmers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
33. One to change the lightbulb and the other 32 to write 14
volumes of documentation of which half consists of pages
containing only "This page left intentionally blank" and the
other half definitions such as " 'bulb' can be defined as a
glass and metal object with certain electrical properties (see
volume IX, "The Electrical Properties Of A Bulb Used For
Illumination") designed to mate with a housing integral to the
ceiling referred to as a "socket" (see volume VII, "Bayonet Cap
Sockets" and volume VIII, "Edison Screw Sockets"; if uncertain
of the socket type please see volume II, "Lighting Sockets - A
Preliminary Identification Guide")"
%%
 -- How many
    IBM staff
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
IBM staff don't change light bulbs - they add value to photon
emitter units.
%%
 -- How many
    IBM tech writers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number
GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System
Facility, of which 10 percent of the pages state only "This page
intentionally left blank", and 20 percent of the definitions are of
the form "A ...... consists of sequences of non-blank
characters separated by blanks".
%%
 -- How many
    ice skaters
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman to club the
other skater on the knee.
%%
 -- How many
    IKEA shop assistans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"Sorry, we ran out of light bulb stock. We expect it to
arrive early next month. We do have ladders though! You just
go straight on, then left and then right. No, thanks,
anytime."
%%
 -- How many
    Indiana University "notes" users
 -- does it take to change
a light bulb?
All of them, since changing light bulbs is the only kind
of job they can get after they graduate.
%%
 -- How many
    Indiana University "notes" users
 -- does it take to change
a light bulb?
Have you ever wondered why it's so dark in Bloomington?
%%
 -- How many
    inner-city gang members
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four-one to rob the liquor store to get money for the bulb,
one to drive the getaway car, one to screw it in, and one to
hold his crack pipe while he does it.
%%
 -- How many
    Iranians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house
hostage.
%%
 -- How many
    Iraqis
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.
%%
 -- How many
    Iraqi soldiers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He takes it back to Baghdad for safe keeping.....
%%
 -- How many
    IRC chatters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They're so busy saying hello, goodbye, and kicking each
other off that noone ever has enough time to get anything
done !
%%
 -- How many
    Irishmen
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
1001. One to hold the light bulb, and a thousand to push the
house round.
%%
 -- How many
    Islamic fundamentalists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
300 million --- one to take out the old one, the rest to look
for Salman Rushdie in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    Israelis
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six-four to storm the room and take control of it, one to
forcibly eject the old bulb, and another one to screw it in.
%%
 -- How many
    Italian-Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I dunno exactly, but my brothers girlfriends fathers boss
secretary's sister's next door neighbors' priest's cousin's
union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club
Seargant-of-Arms nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me
once.
%%
 -- How many
    Italians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.
(Refers to the Italian restaurant habit of sprinkling
everything with Parmesan, even though it makes everything smell
convincingly of sick.)
%%
 -- How many
    Japanese industrialists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three - one to make sure the new bulb is not foreign, one to
change the bulb, and one to look into the export potential of
the old bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    JAPs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.  One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call Daaadddy.
%%
 -- How many
    JAPs
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, two to watch and one to call Daaaaddy.
%%
 -- How many
    Jehovah's Witnesses
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There is no point trying to change anything now. God
will be replacing the whole house real soon, but nobody knows
quite when.
%%
 -- How many
    jerks who ask stupid questions
 -- does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
Change it to what?
%%
 -- How many
    Jewish mothers in law
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
(cue typical accent, shoulders hunched...)
None! I don't mind sitting here in the dark vilst u goes
out enjoying yourselves.....
%%
 -- How many
    Jewish mothers in law
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
(cue typical accent, shoulders hunched...)
None, they'll just sit in the dark, they know you can't
be bothered to do a simple thing like change a light
bulb for them, and after all they've done for you...
%%
 -- How many
    Jewish mothers in law
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
(cue typical accent, shoulders hunched...)
Three. One to screw it in and two to gossip about it
behind her back.
%%
 -- How many
    Jewish mothers in law
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"That's alright. I'll sit in the dark."
%%
 -- How many
    Jews
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - one to call the cleaning lady and the other two to
feel guilty about having to call the cleaning lady.
%%
 -- How many
    Jocks (disk jockeys)
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. That's a tech job.
Note: That joke is a lot funnier if you know a little bit
about the wonderful world of commercial radio. Suffice it to
say that it is a highly unionized environment, and there is
always a little friendly (?) bickering between the
technicians and the jocks. :-)
%%
 -- How many
    John Majors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame
the failure of the old bulb on the Labour party who put the
original bulb in place 17 years ago.
%%
 -- How many
    journalists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to
bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical
government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win
a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a
light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
%%
 -- How many
    jugglers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    junkies
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Oh wow, is it like dark, man?
%%
 -- How many
    junkies
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to roll it, and one to light it up.
%%
 -- How many
    kender
 -- does it take to change a light light bulb?
None.  The light bulb keeps mysteriously falling into the kender's
pouches.
%%
 -- How many
    Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
15-One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say
that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it,
one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude
that a) it was tampered with and b) it proves that the first
screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was
altered after it was unscrewed, three tramps to walk across
the room an hour later, one to insist LBJ really screwed the
bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being
disinformation specialists.
%%
 -- How many
    Kennedys
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.
%%
 -- How many
    keyboardists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Light Bulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent,
candles-anything you want.
%%
 -- How many
    keyboardists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: "I've got a candle that looks just like it."
%%
 -- How many
    keyboardists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"Oh, just one. But this bulb won't do. You want to use a
3-way bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month
GE will be coming out .... "
%%
 -- How many
    keyboardists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric
light.
%%
 -- How many
    keyboardists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but if you wait until next month, Yamaha will have
a new model bulb out which is much better.
%%
 -- How many
    keyboardists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to change the bulb and one to say "Yeah, that sounds
just like it."
%%
 -- How many
    keyboardists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb, and one to patch it into the
Korg.
%%
 -- How many
    KGB agents
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in and the other to check it for
microphones.
%%
 -- How many
    kids
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, if you beat them down, douse them with lighter fluid,
and throw them in a fire.
%%
 -- How many
    kindergarden kids
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two, three... Mummy! can I use my toes?
%%
 -- How many
    Klingons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    Klingons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to screw in the bulb and another to shoot him
and take the credit.
%%
 -- How many
    knock-knock jokes
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who's there?
%%
 -- How many
    Ku Klux Klansmen
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One hundred-one to do it and the others to stand around
solemnly and watch the old bulb burn.
%%
 -- How many
    laboratory heads (senior researchers, etc.)
 -- does it take to
change a light bulb?
Five; one to change the light bulb, the other four to stand
around arguing whether he/she is taking the right approach.
%%
 -- How many
    Labour Party members
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They haven't got a policy on that.
%%
 -- How many
    Lacanians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three-one to do it, one to desire it, and the ignorant Other.
Note: Jacques Lacan (1901-82) was a prominent French
psychoanalyst and theorist who is very influential with
literary critics at the moment. This relates to his theories.
%%
 -- How many
    LA cops
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six-one to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.
%%
 -- How many
    law professors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
%%
 -- How many
    law students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and announce "Huh ! When I'm around the
rulebook gets defenestrated !" and the other to complain
about the hipopotamonstrosesqi (can't remember the end of
this word) end of his friend's last remark.
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to
object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to
dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their
time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two
to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and
twenty-eight to bill for professional services. (another huge
answer is at the bottom of this file.)
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one to change your bulb to his bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone
to really screw a bulb...
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, he'll have the paralegal do it. But, you'll get the
following bill:
Item                            Light bulb
Charge                           $2185
(Itemization of bill charges)
Lawyer's time (1 hr. minimum)  $ 400
Connectivity charge            $ 100
Staff charge                   $ 250
Secretary prepared bill        $   2
Research fee                   $ 422
Consulting fee                 $ 431
Paralegal processing fees      $  25
Specialized equipment          $ 122
Bought bulb                    $   5
Overnight express delivery     $  34
Rule 453.957(B)(1) charge      $ 394
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, lawyers only screw us.
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by
standing up and shouting "Objection !"
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake the ladder, and
one to sue the ladder company.
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to sue the power company for insufficiently
supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge
that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue
the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb
manufacturers.
%%
 -- How many
    lawyers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.
Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light
bulb...
%%
 -- How many
    lead singers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Get the drummer to do it.
%%
 -- How many
    Leos
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their
agents get a Virgo in to do it for them while they're
out.
%%
 -- How many
    Leos
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own
light.
%%
 -- How many
    lesbians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Sixty-nine.
%%
 -- How many
    lesbians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much
better it is than with a man.
%%
 -- How many
    lesbians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to do it and one to make a video documentary
about it.
%%
 -- How many
    lesbians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in real good and one to call the
gynaecologist.
%%
 -- How many
    lexicographers
 -- does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have
changed it to "light bulb".
%%
 -- How many
    Liberal Democrats
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it
or should we not change the light bulb, but more a question
of...(blah blah waffle)"
%%
 -- How many
    liberals
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already
part of the environment.
%%
 -- How many
    liberals
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the
social, economic, and ethnic communities.
%%
 -- How many
    liberals
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee
from jerking.
%%
 -- How many
    libertarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?

None - the market will take care of it.
%%
 -- How many
    libertarians
 -- does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three - one to do it and two to argue whether it's principled to change it.
%%
 -- How many
    libertarians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, because somebody might come into the room who likes to
sit in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    libertarians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, if he wants to sit in the dark, it's his business.
%%
 -- How many
    librarians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know, but I can look it up for you.
%%
 -- How many
    Libras
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Er, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thoughts, make
that two. Is that okay with you?
%%
 -- How many
    Libras
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Well gee, I don't know really. I guess it depends on the
bulb and where it burned out. It might perhaps take just
one if it's just an ordinary bulb, but maybe two if the
person doesn't know where to find a new light bulb, or...
%%
 -- How many
    Libras
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Why change the bulb? Isn't it more romantic in the dark?
%%
 -- How many
    light bulb jokes
 -- does it take to change a light bulb joke?
Hmmmm - the probability that a given light bulb joke will be
submitted to the net in any given week is .4, and the
probability that it will have changed detectably since the
last transmission is .2 . Hence (assuming independence, which
is reasonable since no submitter of a light bulb joke ever
seems to know it has been submitted before, within the last 2
or 3 weeks), the probability that it will change in a given
week is .08. So it takes about 12.5 light bulb jokes to
change a light bulb joke.
%%
 -- How many
    light bulbs
 -- does it take to change a dyslexic?
one. It isN't oo easy.
%%
 -- How many
    light bulbs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
(Could somebody please explain this one to me ! I think it's
something to do with the maths/logic theories of Kurt Goedel,
about it being impossible to prove things.)
%%
 -- How many
    light bulbs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
Note: A Goedel Number is one of several ways to encode a
Turing Machine, the classical abstraction of a computer,
or for that matter of any algorithm. The idea (as best I
see it) is that if the machine knows its own Goedel
Number it can simulate itself... It does come from the
mathematician Goedel - partly because he used TMs in his
famous theorem, I believe.
%%
 -- How many
    light bulbs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, the new one and the old one. (hahahahah ???)
%%
 -- How many
    light bulbs
 -- does it take to change a Soviet emigre?
One, if you aim well.
%%
 -- How many
    light bulbs
 -- does it take to fix an atheist?
It doesn't matter. They wouldn't glow anyway. Note: Many
icons and other religious artworks describe christian saints
and biblical figures glowing with light.
%%
 -- How many
    lightbulbs
 -- does it take to screw in a blonde?
%%
 -- How many
    light bulbs
 -- does it take to screw Netscape?
Four. One for employees of non-profit organisations, one for
students and educators, one for people who can read a license
agreement, one for people who expect a company to keep its
word.
Note: Refers to Netscape Corp., which distributed betas of
their Web browser for free, announcing that the final version
will be free also. Once the final version was out, they changed
their mind. Only for students, educators and employees of
non-profit organisations does it remain free.
%%
 -- How many
    lighting designers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That's not my job.
%%
 -- How many
    Limbaugh-heads
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
The number is irrelevant; they just stand around muttering
"ditto". And they don't do anything in the first place.
%%
 -- How many
    Lisp programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
(((H)mmm,) (I'm ((not) sure, better))) (find (out))...
%%
 -- How many
    Lisp programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Hmmm, I'm not sure, better find out....
Hmmm, I'm not sure, better find out....
Note: LISP is a recursive programming language. One problem
LISP programmers have to contend with is infinite recursion.
(cf computer dictionary entry: recursion - see recursion)
These lisp heads are usually research AI types and their
standard answer is as in the punchline. It could be improved:
%%
 -- How many
    Liverpool supporters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
96. One to change it and 95 to get killed in the crush when
the whole city turns up to watch. (Topical to the
Hillsborough disaster.)
%%
 -- How many
    loggers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he uses a chainsaw.
%%
 -- How many
    loggers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
They can't do it, the light will disturb the spotted owls.
Note: This is based on recent successful environmentalist
pressures to stop logging in the NW U.S. to protect the
endangered spotted owl species.
%%
 -- How many
    London taxi drivers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
(Cue typical indignant Saaaaf London accent) What? Go all the
way up there and come back empty? You must be jokin' mate !
%%
 -- How many
    LP player users
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the old bulb keeps getting stuck... getting stuck...
getting stuck...
%%
 -- How many
    Lutherans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Thirteen, one to change the bulb, and a committee of twelve
to talk about how they miss the old one.
%%
 -- How many
    Macintosh engineers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.
%%
 -- How many
    Mac owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Did you try rebooting with extensions off?
%%
 -- How many
    Mac owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the
old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new
light.
%%
 -- How many
    Mac owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.
%%
 -- How many
    Mac owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - there's no documentation available, so you have to
wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution.
%%
 -- How many
    Mac owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method
for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on
anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb
changing method.
%%
 -- How many
    Mac owners
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to
insert the new one.
%%
 -- How many
    macrobiotics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to make the coffee, one to get the cigarettes, and
one to ask Michio Kushi for instructions.
%%
 -- How many
    Mafia members
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the light bulb and one to kill the
witness.
%%
 -- How many
    magicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into.
%%
 -- How many
    Mahayana Buddhists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four - One to screw in the light bulb, one to not screw in
the light bulb, one to not not screw in the light bulb, and
one to not do any of those.
%%
 -- How many
    maintenance programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old one.
%%
 -- How many
    male chauvinistic pigs
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    male chauvinistic pigs
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They have the girls do it.
%%
 -- How many
    managers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three.  One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number
to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.
%%
 -- How many
    managing editors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
You were supposed to have changed that light bulb last week!
%%
 -- How many
    manic-depressives
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they keep changing it back and forth between
the new and old bulbs. (Yes, anal-retentive really does have
a hyphen.)
%%
 -- How many
    Maoists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One to screw in the bulb and a thousand to chant "Fight
Darkness!"
%%
 -- How many
    marginals
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in real good, and one to call the
proctologist.
Note: Anyone know what a marginal is or does? It sounds like
a rude reference to a supposed homosexual practice of putting
foreign objects in each others' rectums. Perhaps "marginal"
is some regional insulting term for some kind of male
homosexual?
%%
 -- How many
    marketing directors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?
%%
 -- How many
    Martians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One and a half. (Is this a science-fiction in-joke?)
%%
 -- How many
    Marxists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the light bulb itself.
%%
 -- How many
    massage parlor attendants
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Whatever number turns you on, big boy.
%%
 -- How many
    mathematicians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can
change a light bulb.
If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more
simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have
changed the light bulb.
Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers,
n mathematicians can change a light bulb.
Bibliography:
[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, "Re: YALBJ", 1986
%%
 -- How many
    mathematicians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
%%
 -- How many
    mathematicians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. He gives it to five Oregonians, thereby reducing the
problem to an earlier joke.
%%
 -- How many
    mathematicians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the
problem to an earlier joke.
%%
 -- How many
    maths students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
20. One to change it and the rest to watch and discuss how
exciting it is.
%%
 -- How many
    mechanoids
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve. Y'know why? Because they're so stupid!
Note: From the Red Dwarf episode where Kryten became human.
%%
 -- How many
    medflies
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: they do it in the fruit.
%%
 -- How many
    medical students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They are too busy propping up the bar.
%%
 -- How many
    members of the England cricket team
 -- does it take to
change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it after 85 overs, one to throw him the
new one, one to drop it, and one to get caught rubbing
something out of his pocket into it.
%%
 -- How many
members of the Impossible Missions Force
 -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5. While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress,
I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the facist dictator and remove his
body. Meanwhile, Rolin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator
long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down
into the light fixture, remove the burnt-out bulb, and replace it with a
new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie drives
up to the front entrance in a laundry truck. Just before Rolin's real
identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield,
and fly back to Washington.
%%
 -- How many
    members of the Pakistan cricket team
 -- does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. "The players should only have to play 80 overs in a
day. To expect them to do any more would place an unnecessary
strain upon them."
%%
 -- How many
    members of the P.L.O.
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
45 - One to drive the car, four to shoot the president of
Sylvania's bodyguards, three to kidnap the president of
Sylvania, five to think up the ransom demands, ten to paste
up the ransom note, eight to cut little eye-holes in the
cloth sacks, one to drive a truck with 2000 kilos of dynamite
into the American embassy, one to claim responsibility for
the bombing, and twelve to commandeer a building with working
lights.
%%
 -- How many
    members of the U.S.S. Enterprise
 -- does it take to change
a light bulb?
7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light
bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which
Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty,
after checking around, notices that they have no more
new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the
dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency
stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to
procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock,
Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam
down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the
natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship
approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape
detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering
from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set
free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry.
Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the
planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb
is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five
year mission.
%%
 -- How many
    members of the U.S.S. Enterprise
 -- does it take to change
a light bulb?
"Are you sure you want to go to red alert Sir? It does
mean changing the bulb!"
%%
 -- How many
    men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to do the job and three to listen to him brag
about the screwing part.
%%
 -- How many
    men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Men don't screw-in light bulbs; they think they
can turn them on just by rubbing up against them.
%%
 -- How many
    men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, and one more to change it, and one more to keep
track of how many there are, and a woman to soothe their
minds and provide wax jobs.
%%
 -- How many
    men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One -- men will screw anything.
%%
 -- How many
    men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but you have to nag him for a fortnight first.
%%
 -- How many
    Mensans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible
to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the
various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and
syllable; nine columnists to write about it from
radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to
respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven
Quibblers who delight in pointing out others' mistakes
(_what_ is said is not as important as saying it
correctly); six conservatives who believe things should
stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that
action should be taken immediately to form a committee
to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree
on principal with anything anyone else has suggested;
three peacemakers who believe it's more important to
work it out without showing any more emotions than
necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain
that numbers are more important than facts; and one
pragmatist to ignore the BS and replace the bad bulb
with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the
Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make
absolutely sure that it really does add up to 66.
%%
 -- How many
    Mensans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The bulb isn't bright enough.
%%
 -- How many
    Mensans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The dim bulbs aren't "changed," they are humanely
euthanized.
%%
 -- How many
    Mensans
 -- does it take to screw in a litebulb?
None. They know that litebulb is misspelled and therefore
cannot exist to be screwed in. Now of course, if it were a
Miller Lite bulb...
%%
"How many men you got 'ere, Colonel?"
"Oh, 7,000 infantry, 600 artillery, and 2 divisions of paratroops."
"Paratroops, Dino!"  "It'd be a shame of someone was to set fire to dem."
"Set fire to them?!"
"Fire's 'appen, Colonel."  "Fings's burn..."
 -- Monty Python
%%
 -- How many
    Mexicans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as will fit in the El Camino.
Note: El Camino is a type of Chevrolet (no longer made) that
was popular with Latinos. Mexicans are also known/stereotyped
as putting a lot of people into their cars when they go
low-riding.
%%
 -- How many
    mice
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 1, but you have to cut a hole in the skirting board
for it to get in.
%%
 -- How many
    mice
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
%%
 -- How many
    mice
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. (Hint: They are small enough to fit inside).
%%
 -- How many
    Microsoft employees
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft
gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the
world.
%%
 -- How many
    Microsoft employees
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One - but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and
socket before the operation is started.
%%
 -- How many
    Microsoft engineers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just define darkness as an industry standard.
%%
 -- How many
    Microsoft technicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: two holding the ladder and one to screw the bulb into a
faucet.
%%
 -- How many
    Microsoft Visual C++ programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
400. 1 to change the bulb, 50 to write a magazine about it, 50
to write a help file about it, 50 to code a little gadget so
when you hit the bulb it will announce all the names of the
team involved, 50 to go down to the drinks machine and get
everyone their can of coke, 50 to show off about how installing
a light bulb for Bill has made them paper millionaires, 1 to
answer the phone at the help desk ("Putting you through to our
light bulb expert sir... click"), 148 to pad out the pictures
in the "Light Bulb - how we did it" magazine.
%%
 -- How many
    militant lesbian feminists
 -- does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's not funny.
%%
 -- How many
    military information officers
 -- does it take to change a
light bulb?
At the present point in time it is against policy and the
best interests of military strategy to divulge information of
such a statistical nature. Next question, please.
%%
 -- How many
    MIS guys
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
MIS has received your request concerning your hardware
problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712.
Please use this number for any future reference to this light
bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you
will be contacted.
%%
 -- How many
    missionaries
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
101. One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else
to change light bulbs too.
%%
 -- How many
    missionaries
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, and thirty natives to see the light.
%%
 -- How many
    modern artists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four; one to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile
hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to
glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb
in the socket and fill the room with light while all the
critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs
against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the
cocker spaniel. (what goes clink-clink-clink, ow-woooo?)
%%
 -- How many
    monkeys
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to scratch his bum. (with eternal
thanks to David Cutmore for this timeless classic.)
%%
 -- How many
    Monty Python fans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?

One to claim it is an ex light bulb, it is no more, another to claim he didn't
want to change it anyway, he always wanted to be a lumberjack. One to ask for
a licence for his pet bulb, Eric, and another to summarise Proust. One to say
that in his day, they had it tough, one to get nailed to the light socket, one
to ask for a new bulb with no spam in it...
%%
 -- How many
    Mormons
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six, one to screw it in and the other five to serve refreshments.
%%
 -- How many
    mothers in law
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
A hundred. One to change it and the other ninety nine to say,
"I told you so!"
%%
 -- How many
    movie directors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's
done everyone thinks that his last light bulb was much better.
%%
 -- How many
    MP's
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding
committee to learn more about how it's done.
%%
 -- How many
    MS tech supports
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"The light bulb doesn't work? You must be using a non-standard
socket."
%%
 -- How many
    MTV cartoon characters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Butthead : "Uh huh huh huh huh. You said "Screw."
Beavis : "Yeah. Heh heh heh m heh heh. screw. Screw.
SCREW!"
Butthead : "Settle down, Beavis. Or I'll kick your
ass."
%%
 -- How many
    MTV cartoon characters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Butthead: Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh, HOW?
Beavis  : I dunno know. You tell me. Heh-heh. Heh-heh.
Butthead: I dunno know either you dumb ass. Uhhhh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
Beavis  : Who are you calling dumb ass, butt munch? Heh-heh-heh-heh.
Butthead: You, asswipe. Huuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
Beavis  : Shut up Butthead!               Butthead: No, you shut up!
Beavis  : Shut up! Butthead Shut up!      Beavis  : Shut up!
Butthead: No you shut up! And uuuuuh-uuuuuuuh!
          Answer the damn question ass munch! Huuuuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
Beavis  : Oh, yeah! The question. Ummmmm, Ummmmm, what is the question,
Butthead? Heh-heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh.
Butthead: Uuuuuuuh, I dunno know! Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh! I thought you knew.
          Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
Beavis  : I think I am having a stiffy. Heh-heh. Heh-heh.
Butthead: Oh, I remember! Huuuuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh! I think it was like, uh-uh,
          like how many, uh-uh, like Beavis and Buttheads,
          huuuuuuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh, does take to screw in a, uh-uh, lightbulbs?
Beavis  : I dunno know...
Butthead: Oh, I get it. Huuuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh! I think he means like our,
          uh-uh, ...
%%
 -- How many
    MTV cartoon characters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Errrrrrr... Uh-huh-huh-huh Light Bulbs suck or
something... Huh-huh-huh... Yeah ! But light bulb jokes
are coool... huh-huh... Huh-huh... Light Bulb jokes kick
aaaasss... (inserts hand into trousers and rubs up and
down...)
%%
 -- How many
    municipal employees
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the
Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public
Works, who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway,
one to plow the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to
actually screw it in, and a Union steward to protest that its
the electrician's job to screw in light bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    musicians it takes to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to stand around
and say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done
that."
%%
 -- How many
    musicians it takes to screw in a light bulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and
seventeen in on the guest list.
%%
 -- How many
    Muslims
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb has died, it is the will of Allah,
and it would be blasphemy to attempt to change it.
%%
 -- How many
    mutants
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two thirds.
Note: Many mutations/birth defects result in people missing
limbs, etc. Thus, a mutant is often only "2/3 of a person".
Or, perhaps it's "Got three hands, only needs two for the
job?"
%%
 -- How many
    mystery writers
 -- does it take to screw in light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in almost all the way in and the other to
give it a suprising twist at the end.
%%
 -- How many
    NASA managers
 -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

"That's a known problem... don't worry about it."
%%
 -- How many
    NASA technicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventy, and they plan it for two weeks and when they finally
get around to it the weather's bad so they postpone it till
next week. The light bulb costs 3 million dollars.
%%
 -- How many
    Native Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they have council fires instead.
%%
 -- How many
    NBC news producers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up
when he turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the
truth of the report despite the manipulation.
%%
 -- How many
    NCAA basketball players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.
%%
 -- How many
    Necrophiliacs
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    Necrophiliacs
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Only one. Oh, excuse me, could you please test the
socket with your finger while I go get a new bulb?"
%%
 -- How many
    nerds
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't have time. They are too busy taking pictures of
themselves in their office.
%%
 -- How many
    net.jokers
 -- does it take to tell yet-another light bulb joke?
622 - One to tell the original joke, and the rest to give
some minor variation of it, believing this to constitute a
great new joke that noone else had ever thought of.
%%
 -- How many
    net.junkies
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But he's gotta cross-post it all over the goddam place.
%%
 -- How many
    net.poets
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
swimming
None, fish are          through the       of my consciousness,
and                          edges
I          dark.
like the
%%
 -- How many
    netters
 -- does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
1000 - One to invent the joke and 999 to submit "How
many programmers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem."
%%
 -- How many
    netters
 -- does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
2, 1 to do it and 1 to read this huge file first to
check it hasn't been done already!
%%
 -- How many
    neural nets
 -- does it take to change a light bulb ?
f'(x) = delta Sum log (HOUSE) / d(HOUSE)
%%
 -- How many
    neurophysiologists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to remove the old bulb and examine it under the
microscope to find out what went wrong, one to blow a tube of
glass into the bulb shape, one to coil the tungsten wire
filament, one to clean up the metal base of the old bulb, one
to operate the vacuum pump to get rid of the air in the bulb
and one to apply the glue to seal the new bulb into the old
base. The new bulb won't work, of course, but the whole process
uses up a lot of expensive equipment and keeps several
intelligent people happily employed doing something totally
useless.
%%
 -- How many
    new-agers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to actually do it, and nine to stand around
going "Hmmm well I don't really mind who does it. I
mean, I COULD do it, but of course I woudn't want to
impose my will upon anyone else..."
%%
 -- How many
    new-agers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to work out whether it'll
work in the future.
%%
 -- How many
    new-agers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it & one to check the new one for bad
psychic auras.(and optionally another dozen to perform
the dance of the renewal of the light.)
%%
 -- How many
    new-agers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to check the astrology.
%%
 -- How many
    Newfies
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to bite the bulb out of the socket and one to hammer
the new one in. (A stereotype of Newfoundlanders as stupid -
usually told by Canadians.)
%%
 -- How many
    New Historicists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None-historical forces will do it. The bulb-screwer is a
relatively modern invention.
%%
 -- How many
    new men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The consensus of opinion appears to be that there
is no such thing as a genuine new man, and in any event,
the media, who like telling us what we all like, have
declared that women don't really go for new men anyway,
but instead prefer more masculinity nowadays.
%%
 -- How many
    new men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to hold the baby.
%%
 -- How many
    new romantics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to say "Wow, what an amazing
concept, man !"
%%
 -- How many
    newsmen
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll tell everybody.
%%
 -- How many
    Newtons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Farm.
%%
 -- How many
    Newtons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.
%%
 -- How many
    Newton users
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, tharks to the extnq-producilve handwritling
processcr.
Note: refers to the Newton's poor handwriting recognition
techniques.
%%
 -- How many
    New Yorkers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
21 - one to change it and 20 to watch it happen without
trying to stop it.
%%
 -- How many
    New Yorkers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
%%
 -- How many
    New Yorkers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from
muggers.
%%
 -- How many
    New Yorkers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None of your fuckin' business, get outta my way!
%%
 -- How many
    New Yorkers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two-one to get murdered under the burnt-out bulb and the
other to replace it after the ensuing publicity.
%%
 -- How many
    NHS hospital staff
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to diagnose the problem, one to take an X-ray, one
to wheel in the replacement on a trolley, one to apply an
anaesthetic, one to do the delicate operation, and one to
examine the late bulb in a post-mortem.
%%
 -- How many
    NHS hospital staff
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. Person (1) reports bulb is not working and requests a
new one. Department supervisor (2) sends order form to
maintenance department. Maintenance department clerk (3)
decides whether to make it priority case. Job booked.
Supervisor (4) decides whether it should be done individually
or with other jobs. Order is placed in maintenance man's
pigeonhole. Maintenance man (5) fills in ticket describing
job. He picks up the parts needed. He goes to scene of faulty
light bulb. He fits bulb or discovers he cannot mend light.
He returns to department and reports back. He completes work
ticket putting this in writing. Work ticket is checked by
maintenance department to see whether order carried out. Then
checked to see task completed in time set out under
department guidelines. Ticket filed. Member of department (6)
checks ticket against department work plan. Details go into
department's workload report.
(Allegedly true version - believe it if you will.)
%%
 -- How many
    nihilists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
There is nothing to change.
%%
 -- How many
    Nitpicks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just let someone else change it, then they point
out all the mistakes the bulb-changer made!
%%
 -- How many
    northern Californians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None of your f***ing business and have a nice day.
%%
 -- How many
    Norwegians does is take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and one to tell a long story
about it...
%%
 -- How many
    NRA members
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3-One to give up the old bulb when they pry it from his
cold dead fingers, one to screw it in and pose for an
"I'm the NRA" ad while doing so, and one to complain
about the waiting period.
%%
 -- How many
    NRA members
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to do it and the other one to get his dick out
of the gun.
%%
 -- How many
    NSC members
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Note: The NSC is the US National Security Council, whose rubric
Oliver North was acting under, and which is often accused by
people such as Gore Vidal of secretly governing the country.
We can't say.
%%
 -- How many
    NSC members
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, in fourteen countries.
Note: The NSC is the US National Security Council, whose rubric
Oliver North was acting under, and which is often accused by
people such as Gore Vidal of secretly governing the country.
%%
 -- How many
    nuclear engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what
to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
%%
 -- How many
    Object Oriented programmers
 -- does it take to change a light
bulb?
None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
%%
 -- How many
    off-campus landlords
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. The students will just wreck it anyhow, so why bother?
%%
 -- How many
    of Jed's followers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
FORNICATION! It's a sin to screw anywhere, even in light
bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    of me
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it, one to make up a joke about it, and
one to spend the next 6 months going round telling it to
everyone.
%%
How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
 -- How many
    old macrobiotics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change it, three to hold the ladder, and one to
call the ambulance.
%%
 -- How many
    Oliver Norths
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hell, how can he? He sold all the light bulbs to Iran.
%%
How many, once lauded in song, are given over to the forgotten; and
how many who sung their praises are clean gone long ago!
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vii, 6
%%
 -- How many
    one-armed people
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, as long as he kept the till receipt.
%%
 -- How many
    operating systems are required to screw in a light bulb?
Just one-Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.
%%
 -- How many
    optimists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.
%%
 -- How many
    Oregonians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to fend off all
those Californians trying to share the experience.
%%
 -- How many
    Oregonians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the
nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that
powers it.
%%
 -- How many
    Oregonians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do the work and 1 to hold the umbrella.
%%
 -- How many
    orgy attenders
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as possible, and don't ask what they do with the old
bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    orthopedic surgeons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Why don't you just let us take out the socket? You aren't using
it anyway, and it will only cause you trouble later.
%%
 -- How many
    paranoids
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
JUST EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? HUH? HUH?
%%
 -- How many
    paranoids
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
%%
 -- How many
    Paul Daniels
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "And that's magic !"
%%
 -- How many
    pawnbrokers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's of no interest to them.
%%
 -- How many
    Pentagon procurement officers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of
fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.
%%
 -- How many
    Pentium designers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical
people.
%%
 -- How many
    Pentium designers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
586 of them, and it will take them a year from the moment you
convince them that the light bulb is not functioning per the
spec.
%%
 -- How many
    Pentium designers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - it will be fined (fixed ?) in the next version.
%%
 -- How many
    Pentium designers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They aren't certain, everytime they do the math, they get a
different number.
%%
 -- How many
    Pentium designers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the
ladder....
%%
 -- How many
    people about to move out of the city
 -- does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
They don't bother, the neighborhood's been turning black
anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    people at a London Vegans meeting
 -- does it take to change
a light bulb?
All thirty. Well, actually it's only one, but he has to wait
at least half an hour while the others read out all the
announcements.
%%
 -- How many
    people at an American football match
 -- does it take to
change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to tip the entire contents of
the ice bucket over the coach to congratulate him on a
successful bulb screwing.
%%
 -- How many
    people
 -- does it take to change a light bulb for Bobby
Fischer?
Two. One person to put the new one in, and another person to
file three millimetres off it first.
%%
 -- How many
    people
 -- does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?
Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.
%%
 -- How many
    people
 -- does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
 -- How many
    people
 -- does it take to throw away a one WATT bulb??
Five. A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple...
Note: topical to the resignation of Interior secretary James
Watt in 1983
Note: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
%%
 -- How many
    people from New Jersey
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and
the third to shoot the witness.
%%
 -- How many
    people in a Burger King advert
 -- does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. "I can't change my light bulb. But I can change my
burger to a Burger King burger."
%%
 -- How many
    people in Twin Peaks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to wrap the dead one in
plastic.
Note: Twin Peaks has a murderer who wraps the victims in
plastic.
%%
 -- How many
    people on Get Stuffed
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. Two to trot merrily down to the shops to buy a new one,
of whom person 1 then rips it unceremoniously out of its
packaging and person 2 starts to do the changing, and the 2
"Mystery Chefs" to interrupt and tell us he's doing it all
wrong.
%%
 -- How many
    people with multiple personality disorder does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
One, but they're really three.
%%
 -- How many
    performance artists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the light bulb and the other to put the
power tools into the bathtub filled with green Jell-O.
%%
 -- How many
    Perot supporters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all just quit and go home!
%%
 -- How many
    pessimists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably
won't work either.
%%
 -- How many
    pessimists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.
%%
 -- How many
    pessimists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Why bother? It's just going to burn out anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    Pet Shop Boys
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to sit around looking bored.
%%
 -- How many
    Ph.D thesis supervisors (advisors)
 -- does it take to change a
light bulb?
Only one; but every time they see a light bulb they have an
irresistible urge to change it!
%%
 -- How many
    philosophers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Define "light bulb".................
%%
 -- How many
    philosophers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it?
%%
 -- How many
    philosophers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing
over whether or not the light bulb exists.
%%
 -- How many
    phone perverts
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
GASP GASP The interesting thing PANT here is what GASP
are they wearing when they do it? GASP GASP AHH
AHHHHHhhh
%%
 -- How many
    phone perverts
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the whole emergency room staff at
the hospital to remove it.
%%
 -- How many
    physiotherapists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and
hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it.
%%
 -- How many
    ping pong players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to complain that it's "table tennis" not "ping
pong", one to change the light bulb, one to protest about the
type of glue he used to fix the light bulb into place, and
one to get out his copy of the "Bats 'R' Us" catalogue and
point out that he could have bought an even better one for
50p less.
%%
 -- How many
    pinheads can dance on an angel?
%%
 -- How many
    Pisceans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Huh? The light's out?
%%
 -- How many
    Pisceans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: They concern themselves with inner light.
%%
 -- How many
    Pisceans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
What light bulb?
%%
 -- How many
    Pizza Hut employees
 -- does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
Three-one to do it, one to hold the ladder, and one to tell
the story about "last night."
Note: This is guaranteed true by someone who used to work
there. The stories refer to wild copious drinking and also a
few bedroom exploits.
%%
 -- How many
    Platonists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't change bulbs, they have nice fires in their caves
and if they need light they go out and look at the sun.
%%
 -- How many
    poets
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle...
... and one to change the bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    Poles
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on
strike!
%%
 -- How many
    police
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to direct traffic (eh?)
%%
 -- How many
    Polish-Americans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
170. One to send the Never Fail Novena to the Cheektowaga Times
for publication so St. Jude may grant the light bulb request,
one to say the Last Rites for the old light bulb, ten volunteer
firemen to break into the house and smash the old light bulb to
bits, fifty to protest the abortion of the old light bulb, ten
to organize a lawn fete and spaghetti dinner at Our Most Holy
Precious Blood of the Seventeen Martyred Saints R.C. Church to
raise funds to buy a new light bulb (and the Monsignor a new
pair of bowling shoes as a gift on St. Stanislaus Day), twenty
from Chiavettas Catering to serve the food, twenty to run the
Monte Carlo gambling tent, fifty to run everything else, one to
go to Koplinskis Appliances to buy the light bulb, one to screw
it in, five to say the Rosary as the bulb is being screwed in,
and the Monsignor to bless it.
%%
 -- How many
    Politically Correct Clergy
 -- does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. Politically Correct Clergy do not change light bulbs.
They ban light bulb jokes.
%%
 -- How many
    politically correct people
 -- does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. "Why should we impose our values on the light bulb? If
it wishes to be a light bulb of no light, we should respect
its uniqueness and individuality."
%%
 -- How many
    politicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
%%
 -- How many
    politicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back
again.
%%
 -- How many
    poltergeists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor,
one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things
about just for good measure.
%%
 -- How many
    porn actresses
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real
answer is actually none. They're just faking it.
%%
 -- How many
    post-doctoral fellows
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it'll probably take three or four tries to get it
right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to
do.
%%
 -- How many
    pot growers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they use fluorescent bulbs instead.
%%
 -- How many
    pre-med students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder
out from under him.
%%
 -- How many
    pre-med students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, pre-meds don't screw, they study.
%%
 -- How many
    pre-med students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One hundred; one to change the light bulb, the other
ninety-nine to stand around wondering why they weren't
chosen.
%%
 -- How many
    preservation society members
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb
so it'll be architecturally accurate.
%%
 -- How many
    presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light
bulb?
220! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the
bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the
other candidates can't even spell "light bulbe", eighteen to
find out what the other candidates did when the light bulb
failed, and another two hundred to find out what the other
candidate's families think about light bulbs, bulbs,
pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy.
%%
 -- How many
    presidential candidates
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Less and less all the time.
%%
 -- How many
    Presidential family members
 -- does it take to screw in a light
bulb in the White House?
Two, Hillary for her office, Bill for the rest of the White
House.
%%
How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass?
%%
 -- How many
    Princeton students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
%%
 -- How many
    pro-choicers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't
exist before it was lit up.
%%
 -- How many
    procrastinators
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One - but he has to wait until the light is better.
%%
 -- How many
    Professors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None...what do you think their graduate students are for?
%%
 -- How many
    programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you can never change it back again.
%%
 -- How many
    pro-lifers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nine: four to block the entrance to the room, four to
hold up pictures of burnt-out bulbs, and one to try and
convince the person with the new bulb to let the room
stay dark.
%%
 -- How many
    pro-lifers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six: two to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it
was lit from the moment they began screwing.
%%
 -- How many
    Prolog programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
False.
%%
 -- How many
    proofreaders
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Proofreaders aren't supposed to change light bulbs. They should
just query them.
%%
 -- How many
    PR people
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, but I'll get back to you on that.
Note: Believe it or not, this joke cracks up reporters because
PR people try to force reporters to work their stories by
talking to the PR person. Alas, the PR person never actually
knows anything... so he/she is always responding as in the
punchline.
%%
 -- How many
     psychiatrists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a really long time and the light bulb has to want
to change.
%%
 -- How many
    psychiatrists
 -- does it take to change a lightbulb?
The number's irrelevant, the lightbulb has to want to change.....
%%
 -- How many
    psychics
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
---- You should have hit "n"!
%%
 -- How many
    psychologists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
How long have you been having this phantasy?
%%
 -- How many
    psychologists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
How many do you think it takes?
%%
 -- How many
    psychologists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb has to really WANT to change.
%%
 -- How many
    psychologists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The bulb will change itself when it is ready.
%%
 -- How many
    public opinion researchers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
With what degree of certainty do you need to know?
%%
 -- How many
    publishers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.
%%
 -- How many
    punk rockers
 -- does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to put in the new bulb and one to eat the old one.
%%
 -- How many
    punk rockers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to do it and two to argue about who did it first.
Note: refers to punk pastime of arguing about whether the
first punk band was The Sex Pistols, The Damned, or The Dead
Kennedys etc.
%%
 -- How many
    punk rockers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old
one on his forehead.
%%
 -- How many
    Purdue engineering students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, and he gets three credit-hours for it.
%%
 -- How many
    Pygmies
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
At least three.
Note: think height!
%%
 -- How many
    QA engineers
 -- does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3: 1 to screw it in and 2 to say "I told you so" when it doesn't work.
%%
 -- How many
    Quakers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten to sit around in a circle until one feels the inner light.
%%
 -- How many
    Quality managers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
We've formed a quality circle to study the problem of why light
bulbs burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers
can do to enable light bulbs to work smarter, not harder.
%%
 -- How many
    quantum mechanicians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot
locate the new bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    quantum physicists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.
(Explanation - Renormalising the wave function is something
that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to
stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come
out as one.)
%%
 -- How many
    racists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
The question is irrelevant since you can never find anyone
that admits to being a racist even if you knew how many you
were looking for. Instead, they tend to say things like "Well
I'm not a racist, BUT ....."
%%
 -- How many
    Radcliffe girls
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It's "Women" and it's not funny!
%%
 -- How many
    Radio 1 DJs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to resign over the changes.
%%
 -- How many
    radio astronomers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb.
None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.
%%
 -- How many
    Reaganists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten: One to deny that the bulb is burned out, one to clarify
the denial ("The bulb is really just dim"), one to blame the
bulb burning out on the Carter administration, one to blame the
bulb burning out on Congress, one to ask for a Constitutional
amendment that will prohibit bulbs from burning out, one to
replace the bulb with a kerosene lamp, one to borrow money from
the Japanese to pay for the kerosene, one former Reaganist to
lobby his old colleagues for a special favour for the kerosene
importer, one to cash the cheque for investing in the kerosene
importer, one to send the bill to the next generation.
%%
 -- How many
    Reagans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one - Nancy.
Note: Topical to Reagan's dependence on Nancy and her
apparent de facto ascent to power in 1987
%%
 -- How many
    Reagans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
What light bulb?
Note: Topical to Reagan's apparent poor memory.
%%
 -- How many
    real men
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    real programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Real programmers prefer LEDs.
%%
 -- How many
    real women
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: A real woman would have plenty of real men around to do
it, and one of them can change the bulb while he's at it.
%%
 -- How many
    rec.humor.funny readers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out
every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people
have brought. Finally she selects a few. They're all quite
feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for
more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great
discontent among the people who have brought really bright,
long-lasting bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    rec.humor readers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
1000. And they change the same bulb over and over and
over again and still no one notices it's been changed so
they change it again and again and then they even
discuss it and then someone flames them for not doing it
in rec.humor.d.
%%
 -- How many
    rec.humor readers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
100-one to announce that it burned out, 10 to agree, 20
to come running in with new light bulbs and screw them
in, 9 to screw them in and leave the old bulb in, 10 to
ask for a videotape of the screwing, another one to come
in a few minutes later and notice the bulb went out
again and start the whole process all over again. And
one (me!) to notice that this doesn't actually add up to
100.
%%
 -- How many
    rec.humor readers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
565. 1 to put in a trick bulb (say, a flash bulb), 6 to
flame the first, pointing out that this bulb is
different from the old one, 29 to counter-flame,
pointing out that the new bulb is deliberately
different, and is parodying the old one, 7 to leave the
room, citing the extreme density of the 6, 12 to demand
that this commentary be redirected to the other room, 14
to ask that the bulb be changed again, since they missed
seeing it the first time, and 496 (a bit excessive, but
it's not my joke) to climb all over each other, trying
to put the old bulb back in.
%%
 -- How many
    rec.humour posters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb ?
31. One to change the light bulb and thirty to flame them for
picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32 ...
Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is
rec.humor (US spelling) not rec.humour.
%%
 -- How many
    recovering addicts
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, as long as he admits he's powerless over light
bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    recovering addicts
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it takes twelve steps.
%%
 -- How many
    recovering addicts
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to screw it in and one to sponsor him.
%%
 -- How many
    recovering co-dependents
 -- does it take to screw
in a light bulb?   None.  The recovering co-dependent
detaches and tells the lightbulb to screw itself.
%%
 -- How many
    rednecks
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, it only takes one person to use a hammer.
%%
 -- How many
    rednecks
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six. They all beat the hell out of it, leave it lying in
a dark alley and brag about it in the pub afterwards.
%%
 -- How many
    rednecks
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, one to change the bulb, one to take care of the
sheep, and one to observe and try to think why he isn't
tending to the sheep's needs.
%%
 -- How many
    rednecks
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to drive their home to the hardware store and
one to buy the bulb and screw it in.
%%
 -- How many
    referral agents
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you
to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
%%
 -- How many
    Republican Presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to change a light bulb?
(Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent
that question. I've answered it before, and I think the
media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American
people are TIRED of light bulb jokes.
%%
 -- How many
    Republican Presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to change a light bulb?
(Dole) When I was a poor boy growing up in Kansas we
didn't have light bulbs. Now I have the housekeeper do it.
%%
 -- How many
    Republican Presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to change a light bulb?
(DuPont) Light bulbs need to be changed? Gosh. I guess
the servants have always taken care of that... With a
DuPont administration, the power of the free market will
be unleashed to produce light bulbs that never need
changing.
%%
 -- How many
    Republican Presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to change a light bulb?
(Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
%%
 -- How many
    Republican Presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to change a light bulb?
(Kemp) It's morning in America! Why should we worry
about light bulbs? Let those doom-crying Democrats worry
about light bulbs! [stumble over chair in the dark].
%%
 -- How many
    Republican Presidential candidates from 1988
 -- did it take to change a light bulb?
(Robertson) Oh, Lord, with thy divine illumination, heal
this light bulb!
%%
 -- How many
    Republicans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they only screw the poor
%%
 -- How many
    Republicans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
%%
 -- How many
    residents of country towns
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
None, they're afraid there's been too much development
already.
%%
 -- How many
    retarded Italian gardeners
 -- does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
One, but don't expect results.
%%
How many retired bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing
PENCIL SHARPENERS right NOW??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
 -- How many
    roadies/sound men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job."
%%
 -- How many
    roadies/sound men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two ! One, two ! One, two !
%%
 -- How many
    roadies/sound men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One: Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original
apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape,
changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an
appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet
from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the
rest of the band.
%%
 -- How many
    roads must a man walk down before he finds a
damn good pub?

Let us define n to be the number of roads a man must travel before he
finds the pub defined above.  We may thus define n+1 to be the first
road which a man need not travel in order to reach a good pub.  Now the
traversal of road n+1 is not a necessary condition, but rather a
sufficient one; thus it is sufficient for n+2 as well.  Thus the
statement is true for x roads where x is >= n.  Therefore, by induction,
it is true for any finite number x greater than n.  We may conclude that
the statement is true for sufficiently large x, or alternatively that as
x approaches infinity, the number of roads that have been travelled
become sufficient to have found a good pub.
%%
How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a cab?
%%
 -- How many
    Rochester residents
 -- does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
Fifty one - one to screw in the bulb, and fifty to comment
about how much better the bulb is than light bulbs in
Buffalo.
%%
 -- How many
    rocket scientist
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None they just tell Marcus to do it.
%%
 -- How many
    rock'n'rollers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
5, one to change the bulb and 4 to get in free because they
know the guy who owns the socket.
%%
 -- How many
    Roman Catholics
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't. It's been like that for 2000 years and
there's no precedent for lightbulb changing.
%%
 -- How many
    Roman Catholics
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to do it and a priest to hear him confess and
give the old bulb last rites.
%%
 -- How many
    Roman Catholics
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to screw it in, and another to repent.
%%
 -- How many
    Romanians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
60,000 dead and 300,000 injured.
%%
 -- How many
    Romanians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
How many packs of cigarettes are you willing to give
them?
%%
 -- How many
    Romanians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: Ceaucescu restricted them to use only one 40 watt
bulb per family to save electricity.
%%
 -- How many
    Romulans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
151, one to screw the light-bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct
the ship out of disgrace.
(Warning: do not tell this to Romulans or be ready for a fight.
They consider this joke to be a disgrace,
though it is not bad for a LBJ.)
%%
 -- How many
    Romulans
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Ch'iv na myinki blish.
%%
 -- How many
    running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie
 -- does it take to change
a light bulb?
None, that's the proletariat's work!
%%
 -- How many
    running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie
 -- does it take to change
Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the
means of production!
%%
 -- How many
    Russian leaders
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light
bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    Russian leaders
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.
%%
 -- How many
    Russians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
That's a military secret.
%%
 -- How many
    sado-masochists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.
%%
 -- How many
    safety inspectors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.
%%
 -- How many
    Sagittarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
A whole bunch: I can only keep them in the room long
enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn a piece.
%%
 -- How many
    Sagittarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Look, ask me when I get back from India, okay?
%%
 -- How many
    Sagittarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying
about a stupid burned out light bulb?
%%
 -- How many
    sales directors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(pause) I get it! This is one of those light bulb jokes, right?
%%
 -- How many
    SAS men
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to shout GO! GO! GO!
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually none, if you are willing to close your eyes to
the (validity of the) output.
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
How many?
It depends : - If they are applications programmers, it
takes exactly twice as many as are currently available.
If they are host programmers, it takes one for each
variant of Unix and/or MicroSoft Windows. If they are
core programmers, it only takes one. He just holds the
bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve
around him.
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It all depends on whether they can read the manuals or
not. That needs to be in there somewhere as a qualifier!
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It can't be done yet. "Light bulb" is more than 8
characters long.
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, once the documentation for the procedure is found
in one of the 15 manuals on the shelf.
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Please let us know!
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends; what color is the bulb?
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
They can't change light bulbs... Without light, they
can't read the manual, and without the manual, they
can't figure out how to change the light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
This can not be computed. Changing light bulbs is a
*hardware* problem...
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb and one to make sure
the stack of manuals doesn't tip over.
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it depends upon the platform on which one stands!
%%
 -- How many
    SAS programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Zero. We have the housekeeping staff do it for us.
%%
 -- How many
    sax players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to go through a whole box to find just
the right one.
%%
 -- How many
    sax players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk about
how much better Michael Brecker would have done it.
%%
 -- How many
    schizophreniacs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him,
so...
%%
 -- How many
    school teachers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Let's see: 2 A+'s, 3 A's, 5 A-'s, 11 B+'s, 9 B's, 21 B-'s...
%%
 -- How many
    school teachers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to
the homework.
%%
 -- How many
    school teachers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One if at home, but on school time, four.
%%
 -- How many
    science fiction writers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back
in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one
sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to
reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire
room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.
They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.
%%
 -- How many
    science fiction writers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to say, "In
1876, Jules Verne had the first intimations that
electrostatic power was a viable energy alternative.
Hitherto, the only sources ..."
%%
 -- How many
    scientists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use them as controls in double blind trials.
%%
 -- How many
    scientologists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but if you want a cleared bulb it'll take years and
years and set you back a quarter million bucks.
%%
 -- How many
    Scorpios
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None - they'd rather sit in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    Scorpios
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
That information is strictly secret and only shared with
the inner members of the hierarchical Order.
%%
 -- How many
    Scorpios
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Why do you want to know? Are you a cop?
%%
 -- How many
    Scousers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but 200 had to apply for the job.
%%
 -- How many
    scrabble players
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't actually know, but it's on a triple word score
anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    screenwriters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"Why do we have to change it?"
%%
How many seconds are there in a year?  If I tell you there  are
3.155  x  10^7, you won't even try to remember it.  On the other hand,
who could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a
nanocentury.
 -- Tom Duff, Bell Labs
%%
 -- How many
    second violinists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they don't get up that high.
%%
 -- How many
    security guards at a Grateful Dead concert
 -- does it take to
change a light bulb?
21: One to change the bulb, the rest to fatally beat the
Deadhead who was only there to look at the light. (Deadhead =
Fan of The Grateful Dead.)
%%
 -- How many
    senators
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a
quorum.
%%
 -- How many
    senior citizens
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but she pays a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    Serbs
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two-one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.
%%
 -- How many
    seventies disco dancers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to boogie up the ladder and one to say "Get daaowwwwn !"
%%
 -- How many
    sex therapists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to screw it in and one to tell him he's screwing it
in the wrong way.
%%
 -- How many
    shaggy dogs
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
Note: Could someone please tell me if this is referring to
anything...
%%
 -- How many
    sheep
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round
while he looks for a new one.
%%
 -- How many
    Shiites
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to hijack a light bulb, one to commandeer a jet to
Beirut airport, one to hold press conferences, and one to
negotiate with Israel and the US for the release of fluorescent
bulbs held in hostage around the world!!
%%
 -- How many
    shipping dept. personnel
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
We can change the bulb in 7-10 working days; if you call
before 2pm and pay an extra $15 we can get the bulb changed
overnight.
%%
 -- How many
    signal processing engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to Fourier transform the light bulb, one to apply a
complex exponential rotational shifting operator, and one to
inverse transform the removed light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    small-town people
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to do it and a cop to make sure he isn't doing it
too fast.
%%
 -- How many
    smokers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
At least five. If they all light up together the light bulb
will do so too.
%%
 -- How many
    soccer players
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
15 - One to put the bulb in, 10 to kiss him afterwards,
and the other side's back four to all stand around and
put their hands up.
%%
 -- How many
    soccer players
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to get into position to screw it in, one to
kick the legs out from under him, one to snatch the
light bulb and pass it to his mate who, then goes and
screws it in over the other side of the room, and one to
roll around on the floor pretending to be really
injured.
%%
 -- How many
    socialists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to
establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to
force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and
one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an
American light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    social scientists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root
cause as to why the last one went out.
%%
 -- How many
    social workers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb, one to counsel the old
bulb because it's been thrown away by an uncaring
society, one to arrange the case conference and one to
make sure they are all following the correct working
practice.
%%
 -- How many
    social workers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it
away, without checking whether or not there was actually
anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of
mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it
in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it
back and say it was all done with the light bulb's best
interests at heart.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it
in, and two to explain why the project was late.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to
document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one
technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the
one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a
sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want
to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at
which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its
modules to do unit testing, it stops working.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll document it in the manual."
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took
was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a
light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably
fall down.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but she's not available. She's the only programmer
we have who can get the <insert name here> software ready to
ship to customers, and that's higher priority, you know.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
The change is 90 percent complete.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try it again.
%%
 -- How many
    software engineers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point
trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from
scratch. Could you wait two months?
%%
 -- How many
    software testers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. We just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's
problem.
%%
 -- How many
    software vendors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the
privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    Solamnic Knights
 -- does it take to change a light light
bulb?
It doesn't matter.  They can't see over the glare of their armour
anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    sopranos
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One hundred. One to do it, and ninety-nine to discuss how it
was really too high for her.
%%
 -- How many
    sopranos
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb up the ladder, one to kick the ladder out
from under her and a third to say, "I knew that was too high
for _you_ dear." (That laughter you hear is from the Alto
Section.)
%%
 -- How many
    sorority girls
 -- does it take to change a light bulb.
7, one to change it and six to go out and buy Tab (or diet Coke).
%%
 -- How many
    sorority girls
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
51. One to change the bulb, and fifty to sing about the
bulb being changed.
%%
 -- How many
    sorority girls
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
6 - one to screw it in and 5 to make the t-shirts.
%%
 -- How many
    Soviet emigres
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb, two to lift
the chair by its legs, one to call an American and to ask
which way to turn the chair.
%%
 -- How many
    Soviet emigres
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Soviet emigres are used to sitting in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    Soviet emigres
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, and a lot of light bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    Soviet emigres
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to force the bulb in with a hammer, one to steal
more bulbs, one to ask NYANA for a bigger hammer.
%%
 -- How many
    Sparts
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
You can't CHANGE a light bulb!
Note: Sparts = Spartacus Youth League, a leftist fringe group
that believes in violent revolution. Attributed to Michael
Anderson '83, a student activist at Harvard.
%%
 -- How many
    spies
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Why bother?
(I guess the point is that spies like to do everything in the
dark anyway?)
%%
 -- How many
    Spinks handlers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. 1 to actually screw in the light bulb, 1 to carry him out
of the ring, 1 to tell him who put the lights out, 2 to count
the money, and it all only takes 91 seconds!
%%
 -- How many
    square dancers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four, and you have to walk them through it a few times.
%%
 -- How many
    stage managers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That's not your concern. It will be done by opening night.
%%
 -- How many
    Stanford professors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey
invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one
hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating
Station.
%%
 -- How many
    Stanford researchers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to hold the ladder, one to turn the bulb, and one to
bill the government for the house.
%%
 -- How many
    statisticians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One -- plus or minus three (small sample size).
Note: Someone has been asking this as a bonus question on
statistics exam papers for quite a while. Judging from some
of his own students' exam answers, it depends on whether the
light bulb is negatively or positively screwed.
%%
 -- How many
    statisticians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
This should be determined using a nonparametric procedure,
since statisticians are NOT NORMAL.
%%
 -- How many
    statisticians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Walt Pirie to hold the bulb and one psychologist, one
economist, one sociologist and one anthroplogist to pull away
the ladder.
%%
 -- How many
    stock brokers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
MY GOD!! IT BURNT OUT!! SELL ALL MY G.E. STOCK NOW!!!!!
%%
 -- How many
    stock brokers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to
try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already
burned out).
%%
 -- How many
    strong <ethnics>
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.
%%
 -- How many
    suburbanites
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it has to look like every other light bulb on the
block.
%%
 -- How many
    Sun readers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
%%
 -- How many
    Sun readers
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.
%%
 -- How many
    supply-side economists
 -- does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
None.  If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw
itself in.
%%
 -- How many
    supply-siders
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
%%
 -- How many
    supply-siders
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by
itself.
Note: "Supply-siders" were the force behind Reagan's early
reforms, and their economic theories were just like those of
Thatcher (only the Thatcherites were more extreme). They
believed that if they shifted the focus of government
economic policy to stimulating supply rather than demand, the
business cycle would be stopped at an agreeable point and
inflation would be permanently whipped. Obviously, it didn't
quite work out that way.
%%
 -- How many
    Supreme Court Justices
 -- does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
Nine-three to form a plurality, two to concur in part, two to
dissent one to concur in part and dissent in part with the
plurality opinion, and the last to concur with the dissenters
in part.
%%
 -- How many
    surgeons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament
transplant.
%%
 -- How many
    surgeons
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't
using it now.
%%
 -- How many
    surrealists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Bathtub full of powertools.
%%
 -- How many
    surrealists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish.
%%
 -- How many
    surrealists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to throw a bucket of water
out the window. (An interesting story about this joke -
it was once being told at a party or something, and the
person being asked correctly made up a completely
irrelevant answer, and was promptly corrected by a loud
chorus of "No, it's a fish !")
%%
 -- How many
    surrealists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the
bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
%%
 -- How many
    survivors of a nuclear war
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, because people who glow in the dark don't need
light bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    survivors of a nuclear war
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, you just hold it up and it glows by itself.
%%
 -- How many
    SysAdmins
 -- does it take to screw in a
lightbulb? None. They deny privileges to everyone with
access to that room.
%%
 -- How many
    system administrators
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just deny everyone access to the area served by the
light bulb in question.
%%
 -- How many
    Systems Assurance testers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. We just noticed the room was dark. We don't fix the
problems, we just find them.
%%
 -- How many
    talk show hosts
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, one to screw in the new bulb, one to ask the old one
how it feels to be replaced, and one to take questions from
the audience.
%%
 -- How many
    Taoists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again.
%%
 -- How many
    Tauruses
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None: Tauruses don't like to change anything.
%%
 -- How many
    Tauruses
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but just *try* to convince them that the burnt out
bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
%%
 -- How many
    Tauruses
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But only if they can celebrate afterwards with a
ten course meal and some great sex.
%%
 -- How many
    teamsters
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Eighteen, you got a problem with that?
%%
 -- How many
    Technical Support staff
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
I'm sorry, we don't support that kind of lighting
technology.
%%
 -- How many
    Technical Support staff
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Our engineers are busy at the moment... We have assigned
query number 987632 to your question. Please refer to it
in all future correspondence.
%%
 -- How many
    Technical Support staff
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and
it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific
about the exact problem?..."
%%
 -- How many
    technical writers
 -- does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do
it.
%%
 -- How many
    Techno dancers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Six, one to wear it around the neck, one to bring ecstasy and
give it to the dancer to distract him, one to steal the light
bulb while the dancer is distracted and dazed from ecstasy,
three to distract the remaining crowd so they will not try to
grab the bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    tech writers
 -- does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: "The user can work it out."
%%
 -- How many
    teenage girls
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all
her friends about it.
%%
 -- How many
    televangelists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They screw in hotel rooms.
%%
 -- How many
    tenors
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - One to do it and two to stand there and tell each other
how they could have done it better.
%%
 -- How many
    terrorists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, and 5 to take the credit
when it explodes.
%%
 -- How many
    terrorists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty - one to do it and nineteen to develop a
distraction.
%%
 -- How many
    terrorists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to stage a suicide attack on the bulb and
another to claim responsibility in phone call to the
news media.
%%
 -- How many
    Thatcherites
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's up to the private sector to provide the finance for it.
%%
 -- How many
    theoretical physicists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
If you know how many, you can't know if they've done it yet.
%%
 -- How many
    theoretical physicists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
If you want to know how many, you can observe them as they
come in the door. But if not observed, they come in waves.
%%
 -- How many
    theoretical physicists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
The probability that the light bulb will actually be changed
in any time interval is independent of how long you've been
waiting.
%%
How many things, both just and unjust, are sanctioned by custom!
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act iv, Sc. 7, 11, (839.)
%%
How many things by season season'd are
To their right praise and true perfection!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
 -- How many
    thought police
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. There never was any light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    tight gits
 -- does it take to change a light bulb ?
Two. One to change it, and one to complain that even after
all these technical advances, a light bulb still only lasts
1000 hours.
%%
How many times a day I gotta threaten your life
 -- Tony
%%
 How many times do I have to tell you that drilling holes in your head will
not relieve stress?
%%
 How many times do you need to be tolled anyway?
%%
 -- How many
    Torontonians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fifty-one to do it and the other forty-nine to proclaim it's
the greatest event in the history of creation, a truly
world-class bulb screwing.
%%
 -- How many
    Tory MP's
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
I'm sorry I can't tell you that, the light bulb changing
service has been privatised and the information you require
is commercially sensitive.
%%
 -- How many
    Tory MP's
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in and the other to hang himself
accidentally from the flex performing a perverse sexual act
involving womens underwear.
%%
 -- How many
    tourists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.
%%
 -- How many
    trainspotters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it, one to write its serial number down,
and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.
%%
 -- How many
    Trotskyists
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
(Cue typical sarcastic angry Alexei Sayle voice)
It's no use trying to CHANGE it, it's got to be SMASHED !!!
%%
 -- How many
    [trying to think of it]
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
????. One to change it, ???? to ????, and one to complain that
even after all these technical advances, a light bulb still
only lasts 1000 hours.
%%
 -- How many
    TV comedians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me."
Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, the phrase was from "Laugh In."
%%
 -- How many
    Ukrainians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't need to, they glow in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    uk.singles readers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Most of them. One female to notice that it had gone out and
post something about how light bulbs are so masculine to the
group, two to post in disagreeing with this, Susan Macran to
post "Bog off stumpy!", a whole terminal room in Keele to sit
there discussing it only among themselves, one to post a
coherent critique of Susan Macran's last post, Kate Smith to
complain that the women always get flamed more than the men,
Menya to say that light bulbs are sexy as long as they're
orange and could someone bring her a nice hot one, and two
people to post in suggesting a boink so they can all get
together and change the light bulb, with real friendship and
good lighting not relationships uppermost in their minds.
During all this time, not one person dares risk losing points
by posting a personals ad.
%%
 -- How many
    undertakers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just paint them black and go on using them.
%%
 -- How many
    Union Electricians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seventeen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to
screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to
hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test
the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room
will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break,
one to eat lunch, and one to nap. One to plot the best way of
breaking into the apartment at night. One to drink gin n tonics
with the yuppies.
%%
 -- How many
    Unitarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to write a solemn statement which will affirm that:
o This light bulb is natural, a part of the universe, and
evolved over many years by small steps,
o There must be no discrimination against dark bulbs in
any form, and means must be found for all dark bulbs to
take their place alongside light bulbs on a basis of
equality,
o We affirm the right of all bulbs to screw into the
sockets of their choice regardless of the bulb's
illumination preference, and
o We seek for each light bulb the fullest opportunity to
develop itself to its full electrical potential.
A second Unitarian to read this statement, even if he or she is
the only human being to do so, and then write the obligatory
criticism and dissent, and a third Unitarian to light a
single candle instead of cursing the darkness.
%%
 -- How many
    University of Chicago Economics professors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  If the bulb needed fixing the market would have done it.
%%
 -- How many
    University of Washington Husky football fans (or any
over-the-top sports fans who pay way way too much attention
to minutia surrounding "their" team)
 -- does it take to change a
light bulb?
A million and one. One to hold the old bulb, and the rest to
all try and make the world revolve around it.
%%
 -- How many
    university professors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but once we get tenure, we don't change anymore.
%%
 -- How many
    university professors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
%%
 -- How many
    university students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
31. Ten to vote on whether the light bulb needs
changing, whether they should join the Light Bulbs Union
first and then what to call the new light bulb - (the
Nelson Mandela light bulb?), one to put it in... and
twenty to have a pissup after to celebrate a good days
work...
%%
 -- How many
    university students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to fuse all the electrics while doing something
silly, and one to phone the landlord to ask for the
light bulb to be changed.
%%
 -- How many
    university students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold it and one to turn him around.
%%
 -- How many
    Unix hacks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.
%%
 -- How many
    Unix hacks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Let's see, can you use a shell script for that or does it need a C program?
%%
 -- How many
    Unix hacks
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but first he has to determine the correct path.
%%
 -- How many
    Unix programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but if you forget to tell him "2>" he'll mash both
the live and dead bulbs into the same socket at once.
%%
 -- How many
    Unix Support staff
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Read the man page!
%%
 -- How many
    Unix system vendors
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. All of the light bulbs you have are 'standard variants'
and as such won't fit your particular implementation of the
socket. (However you do have the source code for your socket,
so .....)
%%
 -- How many
    USENET users
 -- does it take to screw in a ligth bulb?
Fifty - One to do it and 49 to talk about it on
net.bulbs.d.
Note: a nice try, but there's no such group.
[1]alt.fan.lightbulbs is quite active, though - BRIAN.
%%
 -- How many
    USENET users
 -- does it take to screw in a ligth bulb?
Six. One to point out the spelling (you illiterate
idiot!), one to flame: GET THIS GARBAGE OFF THE NET!!!,
one to flame the flamer, one to ask to be removed from
the news group, one to ask for a copy of the last
message :-) , and one to ask how to unROT the joke.
%%
 -- How many
    U.S fighter pilots
 -- does it take to change a light bulb??
Hell !, You mean it was one of OURS !?!?!
Note: Topical to the shooting down of 2 allied helicopters
over Iraq.
%%
 -- How many
    U.S marines
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to
guard him .
%%
 -- How many
    US Presidents
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in
light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark,
which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.
%%
 -- How many
    US Presidents
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he
can handle screwing one extra light bulb.
%%
 -- How many
    utilitarians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as are happy screwing in light bulbs.
%%
 -- How many
    Valley Girls
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure.
%%
 -- How many
    vampires
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they *like* it in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    vegans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to get out a copy of The
Ethical Consumer (or similar) and discover to his/her horror
that the manufacturer (Thorn Lighting) is part of Thorn EMI
who are involved in (blah blah blah...)
%%
 -- How many
    veterinarians
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an
MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!
%%
 -- How many
    Victorians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<Ahem> We do not discuss this with ladies and children
present.
%%
 -- How many
    Virgos
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
%%
 -- How many
    Virgos
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Let's see: One to spot the bulb, one to record the time
the bulb burned out and the date it was bought, one to
decide who's fault it is the bulb burned out and ask why
that brand was chosen in the first place, ten to decide
to remodel the house as long as they're changing the
bulb...
%%
 -- How many
    Virgos
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Virgos don't have time to change their own light bulbs.
They're too busy changing them for everyone else.
%%
 -- How many
    visitors to an art gallery
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to say "Huh ! My four-year old
could've done that!"
%%
 -- How many
    VMM members
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Note: VMM=Vegetarian Matchmakers, a singles group where nobody
ever puts their foot down and demands that anyone should do
anything.
Eleven. One to remove the old one and ten to stand
around discussing what they all want to do next.
%%
 -- How many
    VMM members
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Note: VMM=Vegetarian Matchmakers, a singles group where nobody
ever puts their foot down and demands that anyone should do
anything.
None. They don't turn up for anything any more. (A
little bit of bitterness there from Brian.)
%%
 -- How many
    VMS heads
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them, and they will all scream at you in unison and
tell you that the only light bulb you can use is a 100-watt
soft white but you can use any 100-watt soft white as long as
it's manufactured by DEC.
%%
 -- How many
    VMS heads
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"Errr... Well, I've got a patch that I could apply to it, but
if you can just wait till next year, it'll all be fixed when
we upgrade to light bulb version 6.1..."
%%
 -- How many
    Vulcans
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
"Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000"
%%
 -- How many
    waiters
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.
%%
 -- How many
    waitresses
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. Two to stand around bitching about it and one to go get
the manager.
%%
 -- How many
    WASP Princesses
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Note: WASP Princess = spoilt rich girl.
Note: a Tab = a can of Tab the drink.
Two. One to get a Tab and one to call Daddy.
%%
 -- How many
    WASP Princesses
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Note: WASP Princess = spoilt rich girl.
Three: Two to bitch about it, one to call the building
superintendant.
%%
 -- How many
    WASP Princesses
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Note: WASP Princess = spoilt rich girl.
Two. One to call the electricion and one to fix the
Martinis.
%%
 -- How many
    WASP Princesses
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Note: WASP Princess = spoilt rich girl.
What?! And ruin my nails???
%%
 -- How many
    WASP's
 -- does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
%%
 -- How many
    WASPs
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.  One to change the bulb and one to mix the drinks.
%%
How many weeks are there in a light year?
%%
 -- How many
    w***ers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb ?
They can't. They just move it backwards and forwards, faster
and faster, until it fuses.
%%
 -- How many
    West Virginians
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they don't have Eeeeelextrisssity in West Virginia.
%%
How many wheels does a menstrual cycle have?
%%
 -- How many
    white trash pickup truck driven cheap beer drinkin cable
tv pirating obnoxious belchin americanos
 -- does it take to
screw in a LIGHT BULB.
None, they wouldn't have noticed it needed changing.
Even if they did they'd get someone else to do it.
%%
 -- How many
    white trash pickup truck driven cheap beer drinkin cable
tv pirating obnoxious belchin americanos
 -- does it take to
screw in a LIGHT BULB.
One, but he'll be too busy touting the superiority of
the soft white variety over all others.
%%
"How many wilderness areas do we need?"
"How many Brahms symphonies do we need?"
 -- Robert Marshall
%%
 -- How many
    Will Rogers'
 -- does it take to change a dead light bulb?
None. He never met a dead light bulb he didn't like.
%%
 -- How many
    Windows programmers
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
472. One to write WinGetLight BulbHandle, one to write
WinQueryStatusLight Bulb, one to write
WinGetLightSwitchHandle...
%%
 -- How many
    Windows users
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy
for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.
%%
 -- How many wings does a cow have?
 -- Tacky the Penguin
%%
 -- How many
    witches
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
It depends on what you want them to change it into.
%%
 -- How many
    women
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
(It's a very simple task, so...) None. "It's a man's
job."
%%
 -- How many
    women
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all get electrocuted trying to excite the
socket.
%%
 -- How many
    women
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to take out the old one, one to sweep up the
broken glass and another to phone her boyfriend to put
the new one in.
%%
 -- How many
    women with PMS
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. You can do it yourself, dammit.
%%
 -- How many
    WordPerfect support technicians
 -- does it take to change a
light bulb?
We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to
be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you
have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be
four or five things wrong . . . have you tried the light
switch?
%%
 -- How many
    workers at Rocky Flats, the former nuclear weapon
components plant in Golden, Colo., should it take to change a
light bulb?
Sixteen--and that's no joke:
An internal memo written by a manager at the U.S. Department
of Energy plant recommended a new safety procedure for "the
replacement of a light bulb in a criticality beacon." The
beacon, similar to the revolving red lamp atop a police car,
warns workers of nuclear accidents. The memo said the job
should take at least 16 people over 60 hours to replace the
light. It added that the same job used to take 12 workers
4.15 hours.
The memo called for a planner to meet with six others at a
work-control meeting; talk with other workers who have done
the job before; meet again; get signatures from five people
at that work-control meeting; get the project plans approved
by separate officials overseeing safety, logistics, waste
management and plant scheduling; wait for a monthly
criticality-beacon test; direct electricians to replace the
bulb; and then test and verify the repair. Mark Obmascik in
Denver Post (reprinted in Reader's Digest)
%%
How many worthy men have we seen survive their own reputation!
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xvi, Of Glory
%%
 -- How many
    xxxxxxx (fill in the blank: FBI agents, narcs, deans)

 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six. One to seize the light bulb and the others hold him very
very still, because they KNOW the world turns.
%%
 -- How many
    Yale students
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None, New Haven looks better in the dark.
%%
 -- How many
    Yorkshiremen
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
15. One to change the bulb, and 14 to tell him what a good
batsman Geoffrey Boycott was.
%%
 -- How many
    Yorkshiremen
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to hold his racing pigeon, one to
hold his greyhound, and one to drink his pint of bitter.
%%
 -- How many
    young macrobiotics
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They all sit in a circle, watching the old
macrobiotics, and think beautiful thoughts.
%%
 -- How many
    yuppies
 -- does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to mix the gin n tonics, and one to phone the
electrician. (Firstly, yuppies nowadays drink expensive
imported lagers...) (Secondly, this is meant to be told about
Sloane Rangers, but most people didn't seem to have a clue
what that meant so I changed it.)
%%
 -- How many
    Zen Buddhists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3.  One to do it, one not to do it, and one to do both.
%%
 -- How many
    Zen masters
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A tree in a golden forest.
%%
 -- How many
    Zen masters
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master
stays out of the way.
%%
 -- How many
    Zen masters
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Zen masters carry their own light.
%%
 -- How many
    Zen masters
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the
novice.
%%
 -- How many
    Zen masters
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
%%
 -- How many
    zionists
 -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four - one to stay home and try to convince someone else to
do it, a second to donate the bulb, a third to screw it in
and another to proclaim that the whole Jewish nation stands
behind their actions.
%%
How'm I flyin'?  Dial 1-800-BORG-YOU.
 -- Borg
%%
How much a dunce that has been sent to roam
Excels a dunce that has been kept at home!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Progress of Error, Line 415
%%
How much better it is to weep at joy than joy a weeping.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
%%
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
 -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
%%
How much does it cost to ride an IO bus? 2 Bits.
%%
How much do you think I'll get for my autobiography?
 -- Arthur Bremer
(After his arrest for attempting to assassinate Governor George C. Wallace.)
%%
How much flour can you grind in the Windmill of your mind?
%%
"How much for the little girl?  Your women -- how much for the women?"
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
How much is that wookie in the window?
%%
How much is the drug?
%%
How much lies in laughter; the cipher-key wherewith we decipher the whole man!
Some men wear an everlasting barren simper; in the smile of others lies the
cold glitter, as of ice; the fewest are able to laugh what can be called
laughing, but only shiff and titter and sniggle from the throat outwards, or at
least produce some whiffing, husky cachinnation, as if they were laughing
through wool; of none such comes good. The man who cannot laugh is only fit for
treasons, stratagems and spoils; but his own whole life is already a treason
and a stratagem.
 -- Carlyle
%%
How much memory have you got?  One brain, one memory.
%%
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
 -- Marcus Aurelius
%%
How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work?
%%
HOW MUCH OF A COMPUTER DAG ARE YOU?
How many people that you see regularly do you talk to more often
electronically than face-to-face?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?
%%
How much the wife is dearer than the bride.
 -- Lord Lyttleton (1709-1773)
 -- An Irregular Ode
%%
How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour
says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make
it just and holy.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 18
%%
How much to downgrade to Turbo C-- ?
%%
How much wood could a wookchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
%%
How much wood did Peter Piper pick?...No wait...
%%
 "How Not To Handle Stress" by Sue E. Syde
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
How now, foolish rheum!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
How now, you secret, black, and midnight hags!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
How oft do they their silver bowers leave
To come to succour us that succour want!
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book ii, Canto viii, St. 2
%%
"How often does the train go by?"
"So often you don't even notice it."
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
How often do lesbian vampires meet?  Every 28 days!
%%
How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the
    impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?
 -- Sherlock Holmes (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle), Sign of Four
%%
How often I found where I should be going only by
setting out for somewhere else.
 -- R. Buckminster Fuller
%%
How often it is that the angry woman rages denial
 of what her inner self is telling her.
%%
How often misused words generate misleading thoughts.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
How oft the sight of means to do ill deeds
Make deeds ill done!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
How people try to avoid work, and how well some of them succeed...
 -- Willian Feather
%%
How pleasant it is to have money.
 -- Arthur Hugh Clough
%%
How poor are they that have not patience!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
How priceless are these things?
%%
How prone to doubt, how cautious are the wise!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiii, Line 375
%%
How pure the joy, when first my hands unfold
The small, rare volume, black with tarnished gold!
 -- John Ferriar (1764-1815)
 -- Illustrations of Sterne, Bibliomania, Line 137
%%
How're you going to do it?  Upgrade It!
%%
How ridiculous and unrealistic is the man who is astonished at anything
that happens in life.
 -- Marcus Aurelius
%%
How sad and bad and mad it was!
  But then, how it was sweet!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Confessions, ix
%%
How sad, dear brother, you make me wish I were an only child.
 -- Data to Lore, "Datalore", stardate 41242.4
%%
How shall I be able to rule over others, that have not full power
and command of myself?
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. lii
%%
How shall we rank thee upon glory's page,
Thou more than soldier, and just less than sage?
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- To Thomas Hume
%%
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
%%
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
"How should long girls be courted?"  "The same as the short ones."
%%
How should one deal with a man who is convinced that he is acting
according to God's will, and who therefore believes that he is
doing you a favour by stabbing you in the back?
 -- Voltaire
%%
How should we amortize the cost of the equipment over its expected
lifetime.
%%
How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night,
Like softest music to attending ears!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
How's it goin', eh? 'Member me? 'Member???
%%
How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
How sleep the brave who sink to rest
By all their country's wishes bless'd!
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- Ode written in the year 1746
%%
How slow this old moon wanes! she lingers my desires, like to a stepdame,
or a dowager, long withering out a young man's revenue.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
How small a part of time they share
That are so wondrous sweet and fair!
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- Go, Lovely Rose
%%
How small of all that human hearts endure
That part which laws or kings can cause or cure!
Still to ourselves in every place ensigned
Our own felicity we make or find.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
How's my demon? Call 1-800-CTHULHU.
%%
How's the wife?  Is she at home enjoying capitalism?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
How's this for diplomacy?  Shoot them all
 -- Kirk
%%
How still the evening is as hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
How sweet an Ovid, Murray was our boast!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 169
%%
How sweet a thing it is to wear a crown,
Within whose circuit is Elysium
And all that poets feign of bliss and joy!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
How sweet it is!
%%
How sweetly did they float upon the wings
Of silence through the empty-vaulted night,
At every fall smoothing the raven down
Of darkness till it smil'd!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 249
%%
How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank!
Here we will sit and let the sounds of music
Creep in our ears: soft stillness and the night
Become the touches of sweet harmony.
Sit, Jessica. Look how the floor of heaven
Is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold:
There 's not the smallest orb which thou behold'st
But in his motion like an angel sings,
Still quiring to the young-eyed cherubins.
Such harmony is in immortal souls;
But whilst this muddy vesture of decay
Doth grossly close it in, we cannot hear it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
How swiftly whirls the disk; Data leaps to the floating head and is known.
%%
How's YOUR Endless Project coming?
 -- Mark Diekhans
%%
How's your new job at the factory? one guy asked another. I'm not going
 back there. Why not? For many reasons, he answered. The sloppiness,
 the shoddy workmanship, the awful language ... they just couldn't put up
 with it.
 -- Mell Lazarus
%%
How's your Russian lessons coming?
%%
How tall is a union stagehand?
Don't know. I've never seen one standing up...
%%
"How tall was King Kong?"
 -- The Stuntman
%%
How the deuce d'you deduce that?
%%
How the government works: The Senate gets the bill from the House. The
President gets the bill from the Senate. And we get the bill for everything.
%%
How the hell does this thing work?
%%
 "How The Homos Came To Be" by Ben Dover
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
How time flies, when you are in a heap of problems..
%%
How to Annoy: Aunt Agonize
%%
How To Beat A Murder Rap: Scott Free
%%
How to Break In: Jimmy De Lock
%%
How to Cook a Steak: Porter House
%%
How to cook with Heard and Soul.
 -- Jeffrey Dahmers Cookbook
%%
How to Cut Grass: Lon Moore
%%
How to defend yourself against a Banana.
%%
How to demoralize a Klingon - tell him he's cute.
%%
How to Draw: Ellis Strait
%%
How to eat chocloate chip cookies like a child:

 Half-sit, half-lie on the bed, propped up by a pillow. Read a book. Place
 cookies next to you on the sheet so that crumbs get in the bed. As you eat
 the cookies, remove each chocolate chip and place it on your stomach. When
 all the cookies are consumed, eat the chips one by one, allowing two per
 page.
 -- Delia Ephron
%%
How to get a head in refrigeration.
 -- Jeffrey Dahmers Cookbook
%%
How to irritate a Klingon - put a Tribble in his shorts.
%%
HOW TO LEAVE THE PLANET
1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (731) 483-3111. Explain that
it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.
2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the
White House - (202) 456-1414 - to have a word on your behalf with
the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends at the White House, phone the
Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-292-9051). They
don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of),
but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone
number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible.
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer
and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your
phone bill arrives.
 -- Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
How to make a million dollars:   First, get a million dollars.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
How To Make Cornmeal Pancakes: Johnny Cake
%%
How to make Kleenex dance? Blow a little boogie in it.
%%
How to Overcome Stress: R.E. Lachs
%%
How to paint a perfect painting -- make yourself perfect and then just
 paint naturally
 -- Robert M. Pirsig
%%
How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children
 -- Book title by Lewis B. Frumkes (1983)
%%
How to Read a Book: Paige Turner
%%
How to solve Mideast problems: DEL IRA*.*
%%
HOW TO SPREAD A RUMOR

 1. Tell the story casually, and don't give yourself away by being
 overanxious to launch your rumor.

 2. If the lowdown is especially hot, tell it confidentially.

 3. Never speak your rumor more than once in the same place. If it is good,
 others will repeat it.

 4. Tell it innocently, and don't disclose any source that can readily be
 discredited.
 -- British Morale Operations Section
 (to Burmese agents during World War II)
%%
"How to Stage Armed Heists" by Robin Banks
%%
How to Succeed in School: Rita Book
%%
How to tell time by children:

 When they're very sleepy, it's time to go to school.

 When they never felt more wide awake in their lives, it's time for the late
 late late late late movie.

 When they have a slight fever and an unidentifiable rash, it's three
 o'clock Sunday morning.

 When they break a collarbone, it's four o'clock Sunday morning during the
 doctor's vacation.

 When they put on underwear and a flannel shirt, it's the middle of the
 first hot spell in July, and when they put on cotton socks, sneakers, and a
 mesh T-shirt, it's the day of the worst blizzard since '47.
 -- Robert Paul Smith
%%
How to Tour the Prison: Robin Steele
%%
How to tune a ukulele: My DOS has fleas
%%
How To Tune Up Your Auto: Carl Humm
%%
How typically vulgar and plebeian of you. -50 points..
%%
How untasteful can you get?
%%
How use doth breed a habit in a man!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live!
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
How various his employments whom the world
Calls idle, and who justly in return
Esteems that busy world an idler too!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iii, The Garden, Line 352
%%
How very relaxed of him.
 -- Master, Frontier in Space
%%
"How was it, little buddy?"
"It was dark, like a cave, and there were no
toilets -- just black, smoking holes in the walls
and floor!  Giant roaches howled like damned souls
as they skittered along the mouldered grout-work!"
 -- "Sam and Max", Freelance Police
%%
How was Pope John Paul chosen?
They took a poll.
%%
How was the Disaster Area concert last night? I said, HOW WAS THE...
%%
How was Thomas J. Watson buried? 9 edge down.
%%
How we apples swim!
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Brother Protestants
%%
How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life
  wouldn't you say?
 -- Kirk, "The Wrath of Khan,"  stardate 8130.3.
%%
How weird, a blessed desecrator...
The structure of reality cannot permit such a thing....
%%
How well I feathered my nest.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book ii, Chap. xvii
%%
How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
 -- Last words of P.T. Barnum
%%
  How widely its agencies vary,--
To save, to ruin, to curse, to bless,--
As even its minted coins express,
Now stamp'd with the image of Good Queen Bess,
  And now of a Bloody Mary.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Miss Kilmansegg, Her Moral
%%
How will be live?
You'll learn to build houses to keep warm.  You'll work. ... Humans
  have survived under worse conditions.  It's a matter of evolution.
Give it time.
 -- Kara the Eymorg and Kirk, "Spock's Brain," stardate 5432.3.
%%
How will I know if I'm enlightened?
%%
How will you know the answer to that question if you
don't ask me out loud?
%%
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers!
%%
How wonderful that we have met with a paradox.
Now we have some hope of making progress.
 -- Niels Bohr
%%
How would a Solamnic Knight change a light light bulb?
According to the Code and the Measure of course.
%%
How would Commander Riker feel if he had the measles?
Pretty silly.
 -- Worf and Pulaski, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
How would you like walking around with a frog in your drawers
that you couldn't get rid of?
What an astute metaphore for the masculine condition.
 -- Dawn/Charlie
%%
How ya going to do it?  IBM Blue it!
%%
How you gonna do it?  SLiMeR It!
%%
How you know when you have run out of invisible ink?
%%
How you look depends on where you go!
%%
"How young can you die of old age?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
How you play the game is for college boys. When you're playing for money,
 winning is the only thing that counts.
 -- Leo Durocher
%%
Hozone: place in heaven for lost socks.
%%
Hozone; Where 1 sock in every load disappears to!
%%
HP had a unique policy of allowing its engineers to take parts from stock as
long as they built something.  "They figured that with every design, they were
getting a better engineer.  It's a policy I urge all companies to adopt."
 -- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak,
"Will Wozniak's class give Apple to teacher?", EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
%%
:HP-SUX: /H-P suhks/ n. Unflattering hackerism for HP-UX,
   Hewlett-Packard's UNIX port, which features some truly unique bogosities
   in the filesystem internals and elsewhere (these occasionally create
   portability problems).  HP-UX is often referred to as `hockey-pux'
   inside HP, and one respondent claims that the proper pronunciation
   is /H-P ukkkhhhh/ as though one were about to spit.  Another such
   alternate spelling and pronunciation is "H-PUX" /H-puhks/.
   Hackers at HP/Apollo (the former Apollo Computers which was
   swallowed by HP in 1989) have been heard to complain that
   Mr. Packard should have pushed to have his name first, if for no
   other reason than the greater eloquence of the resulting acronym.
   Compare {AIDX}, {buglix}.  See also {Nominal Semidestructor},
   {Telerat}, {Open DeathTrap}, {ScumOS}, {sun-stools}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HR 3128.  Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986.  Martin, R-Ill.,
motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate
amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits.
The Senate amendment was an amendment to the House amendment to the
Senate amendment to the House amendment to the Senate amendment to the
bill.  The original Senate amendment was the conference agreement on
the bill.  Agreed to.
 -- Albuquerque Journal
%%
H. Ross Peron for President in `96?  "Don't cry for me Texarkana"
%%
H. Ross Perot, Presidential candidate (1992), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
HRPR: Hang up and Ruin Printer Ribbon
%%
HSC: Halt on System Crash
%%
HSJ: Halt, Skip and Jump
%%
HSJ: Hop, Skip and Jump
%%
HS/Link users get it coming and going!
%%
HTC: Halt and Toss Cookies
%%
HTS: Halt and Throw Sparks
%%
HUAL: Halt Until After Lunch
%%
Hubby sells kidney to pay greedy ex-wife's alimony
%%
Hubris antedates a gravity-impelled descent.
%%
..  hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Huby (n.)
 A half-errection large enough to be a publicly embarassing bulge in the
 trousers, not large enough to be of any use to anybody.
%%
Huc Accedit Zambonis.
%%
HUDSON'S ROAD, SPOTSWOOD: The railway level crossing near Spotswood
Station will be closed for track work from 7.30pm tomorrow until 4.30pm on
Wednesday.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Huey Lewis of Borg:  It's Hip To Be Square!
%%
:huff: v. To compress data using a Huffman code.  Various programs
   that use such methods have been called `HUFF' or some variant
   thereof.  Oppose {puff}.  Compare {crunch}, {compress}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hug: A roundabout way of expressing affection.
%%
Huge tag collection: "He's dead, Jim..." in 1,976 languages & dialects
%%
HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
%%
Hugh: "Why are you here?"
Picard: "This is a primitive culture.  I am here to facilitate its
  incorporation.  Identify yourself."
Hugh: "Hugh."
Picard: "Identify yourself!"
Hugh: "We are Hugh."
Picard: "This is not a Borg identification."
Hugh: "Third Of Five."
 -- "I, Borg", Stardate unknown
%%
        Hug O' War

I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.
 -- Shel Silverstein
%%
HUGO was a wimp compared to Desert Storm.
%%
Hugs are never enough...
 -- Sonia
%%
Hugs don't feel as good on the computer.
%%
Hug your kids at home and belt 'em in the car.
%%
Hug Your SysOp daily, Send Her Candy On Her Birthday.
%%
Huh?
%%
Huh! An appointment with penance! The fates offer me no quarter.
 -- Atrillo Trilobite
%%
"Huh ?"
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
Huh, huh.  Fascism is cool.  Huh, Huh.
%%
Huh? I've yet to see a Klingon with a beer gut and a pony tail.
%%
HUH!  Me ???  THE COMPUTER DID IT!!!
%%
Huh? Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray? <Slurp<.
%%
Huh?  What?  Am I on-line?
%%
Hulk Hogan needs a hair weave!
%%
Hulk Hogan's Conversational Manual
 - An absolute must, for those who grunt.
%%
Humahumanukanukaapua'a:  The state fish of Hawaii (Reef Trigger Fish)
%%
Human: an erudite ape with less hair and more money.
%%
Human Being: 8.4 Gigabyes of RAM. (Not fully addressable by current OS.)
%%
Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they
are convinced beyond doubt that they are right.
 -- Laurens van der Post
%%
Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is
 collagen.
 -- Martin Mull
%%
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to
come back home.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
Human beings do not survive on bread alone ...
%%
Human beings do not survive on bread alone ... but on the nourishments
  of liberty.  For what indeed is a man without freedom ... naught but
  a mechanism, trapped in the cogwheels of eternity.
 -- Harry Mudd, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
Human beings don't live like this.
%%
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
%%
Human beings were invented by water as a device for transporting
itself from one place to another.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the
 experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to
 do so.
 -- Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See
%%
Human capital has replaced dollar capital.
 -- Michael Milken
%%
Human cardiac catheterization was introduced by Werner Forssman in
1929.  Ignoring his department chief, and tying his assistant to an
operating table to prevent his interference, he placed a uretheral
catheter into a vein in his arm, advanced it to the right atrium [of
his heart], and walked upstairs to the x-ray department where he took
the confirmatory x-ray film.  In 1956, Dr. Forssman was awarded the
Nobel Prize.
%%
Human consciousness arose but a minute before midnight on
the geological clock.  Yet we mayflies try to bend an ancient
world to our purposes, ignorant perhaps of the messages buried
in its long history.  Let us hope that we are still in the
early morning of our April day.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould
%%
Human, do you know how interesting it is, this thing you describe?
Avata does not have a god. How is it that you have a god? Avata has
Self, has the universe. But you have a god. Where did you find this god?
 -- Frank Herbert
%%
Human Error - It's all ***YOUR*** Fault.
%%
Human history becomes more and more a race between
education and catastrophe.
 -- H.G. Wells
%%
Human industry, if left to itself, will naturally find its way to
the most useful and profitable employment.
 -- Adam Smith
%%
Human Intelligence. The greatest oxymoron ever!
%%
Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been
 sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful,
 rebellious, and immature.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
Humanity has in the course of time had to endure from the hands of science two
great outrages upon its naive self-love.  The first was when it realized that
our earth was not the center of the universe, but only a speck in
a world-system
of a magnitude hardly conceivable...  The second was when biological research
robbed man of his particular privilege of having been specially created, and
relegated him to a descent from the animal world.
 -- Sigmund Freud  
%%
Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be
lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Humanity has won its battle.  Liberty now has a country.
 -- Marquis de Lafayette, on the birth of the United States
%%
Humanity is a parisite
%%
HUMANITY, n.  The human race, collectively, exclusive of the
anthropoid poets.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Humanity prefers comfort over truth.
%%
... humanity...[the] striving of man to achieve greatness through
  his own resources.
 -- Anton Karidian, "The Conscience of the King," stardate 2819.1.
%%
Human kind cannot bear much reality.
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Humankind cannot stand very much reality.
 -- T.S. Eliot
%%
Human life is but a series of footnotes to a vast, obscure, unfinished
masterpiece.
 -- Vladimir Nabokov
%%
Human life nearly resembles iron. When you use it, it wears out. When
you don't, rust consumes it.
 -- Marcus Porcius Cato (234-149 BC)
 -- Carmen de moribus
%%
Human milk is better than cow's milk. It's cheaper, keeps better over the
 weekend, and the cat can't get at it.
 -- Donald McGill

 Plus, it comes in a much nicer package.
 -- Hovard Pedersen
%%
"Human nature is so constructed that it gives
 affection most readily to those who seem least to demand it."
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
         HUMAN NATURE
      Once I shot a bird,
     When I was very young.
  I watched it fall, and die.
 And I thought that it was fun.
 -- W.C. Mackie
%%
Human needs God like a goldfish needs a motorbike.
%%
Human (n):  Useful domestic animal popular with cats.
%%
HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
Humans and aliens wrapped in 2,500,000 tons of spinning metal.
%%
Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't get enough.
 -- Alan Kay
%%
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more
convulsions.
%%
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to
dinner.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Humans are not rational beings; they are rationalizing beings.
%%
Humans are unreliable, inefficient, often lazy, sometimes pregnant, liable to
strike, need to be fed and paid, take up a lot of space and are slow by
computer standards.
%%
Humans are very peculiar.
%%
Humans are very peculiar.  I often find them unfathomable, but an
  interesting psychological study.
 -- Spock, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4658.9.
%%
Humans: Bet you can't eat just one.
%%
Human's can't feel anything, they're numb from the brain down.
 -- Batty
%%
Humans do claim a great deal for that particular emotion (love).
 -- Spock, "The Lights of Zetar," stardate 5725.6.
%%
Humans do have an amazing capacity for believing what they choose --
  and excluding that which is painful.
 -- Spock, "And The Children Shall Lead," stardate 5029.5.
%%
Humans generate all-new blood every three months.
%%
Humans hardly ever learn from the experience of others. They learn - when
they do, which isn't often - on their own, the hard way.
 -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
%%
Human society - man in a group - rises out of its lethargy to new levels of
productivity only under the stimulus of deeply inspiring and commonly
appreciated goals.  A lethargic world serves no cause well; a spirited world
working diligently toward earnestly desired goals provides the means and
the strength toward which many ends can be satisfied...to unparalleled
social accomplishment.
 -- Dr. Lloyd V. Berkner, in "The History of Manned Space Flight"
%%
Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap
crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make
music that will melt stars
%%
Humans smile with so little provocation.
 -- Spock, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.3.
%%
Humans sure have a strange way of dying.
%%
HUMANS??????  WHERE?!?!?!?!?
 -- Batty
%%
HUMAN
  The human being either evolved from the biologically very similar
  ape, or was created along with the rest of the world in a six-day
  creative spurt by an anonymous god.
      The human body is a wonderful thing. Well, most of them are.
  Humans have one mouth and a limited number of genitals, which is
  probably just as well.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Hum be doo wap bap boo da doo bop bop bop dop
%%
Humbled again by overlooking the obvious.
%%
Humble pie is always hard to swallow with your pride.
%%
HUMBUG. An insect who'd sing, but doesn't know the words.
%%
Humility is a virtue all preach, none practice, and yet everybody
is content to hear. The master thinks it good doctrine for his servant,
the laity for the clergy, and the clergy for the laity.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Humility
%%
Humility is elusive, for the very moment you think you have it, at that
 very instant, you've lost it.
%%
Humility is in the I's of the Beholder.
%%
Humility is no substitute for a good personality!
%%
Humility is one of the finest variations of expressing self-esteem.
 -- Norbert Untersteiner
%%
Humility is the better part of wisdom, and is most becoming in man.
But let no one disparage self-reliance; it is, of all the rest, the
greatest quality of true manliness.
 -- Ferenc Kossuth
%%
Humility is the first of the virtues -- for other people.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim
earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends.
 -- Dwight David Eisenhower (1890-1969)
%%
Humility, that low, sweet root
From which all heavenly virtues shoot.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Loves of the Angels, The Third Angel's Story
%%
:humma: // excl. A filler word used on various `chat' and
   `talk' programs when you had nothing to say but felt that it was
   important to say something.  The word apparently originated (at
   least with this definition) on the MECC Timeshare System (MTS, a
   now-defunct educational time-sharing system running in Minnesota
   during the 1970s and the early 1980s) but was later sighted on
   early UNIX systems.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Humm! braindead.
%%
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
%%
. . . hummings and clickings could be heard--the sounds attendant to the
flow of electrons, now augmenting one maze of electromagnetic crises to a
condition that was translatable from electrical qualities and quantities to
a high grade of truth.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Player Piano
%%
Hummmm, I had a tagline when I came in here<gotya<
%%
Humor... a difficult concept.
%%
Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority
to all that befalls him.
 -- Romain Gary
%%
Humor is a universal language.
 -- Joel Goodman
%%
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
 -- James Thurber
%%
Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.
 -- Langston Hughes
%%
Humor is our greatest natural resource.
 -- James Thurber
%%
Humor is such a great gift - why leave it to chance?
 -- Joel Goodman
%%
Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.
 -- Leo Rosten
%%
Humor is the best antidote to reality.
%%
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject
which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will
not bear serious examination is false wit.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Humor is the sense of the Absurd, which is despair refusing to take
itself seriously.
 -- Arland Ussher
%%
HUMORIST, n.  A plague that would have softened down the hoar
austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with
his best wishes, cat-quick.

    Lo! the poor humorist, whose tortured mind
    See jokes in crowds, though still to gloom inclined --
    Whose simple appetite, untaught to stray,
    His brains, renewed by night, consumes by day.
    He thinks, admitted to an equal sty,
    A graceful hog would bear his company.
                                                        Alexander Poke
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Humour is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.
 -- William Gilbert
%%
Humourous or profound remark or quotation pending.
%%
Humpty Dumpty DOS - Just a shell of himself.
%%
Humpty Dumpty had too much egg nog to drink...
%%
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...
 -- Nursery rhyme
%%
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs for the next four weeks.
%%
Hung be the heavens with black, yield day to night!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Hunger finds no fault with the cookery.
 -- Proverb
%%
Hunger In America: Heywood Jafeedme
%%
Hunger is the best seasoning for meat, and thirst for drink.
 -- Cicero
%%
Hunger never saw bad bread.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
:hung: [from `hung up'] adj. Equivalent to {wedged}, but more
   common at UNIX/C sites.  Not generally used of people.  Syn. with
   {locked up}, {wedged}; compare {hosed}.  See also {hang}.
   A hung state is distinguished from {crash}ed or {down}, where the
   program or system is also unusable but because it is not running
   rather than because it is waiting for something.  However, the
   recovery from both situations is often the same.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hung over her enamour'd, and beheld
Beauty, which, whether waking or asleep,
Shot forth peculiar graces.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 13
%%
Hungry For Love.. And Its Feeding Time...
 -- Alice Cooper
%%
Hungry? Out of work? Eat your foreign car!
%%
:hungry puppy: n. Syn. {slopsucker}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hungry? There is an abundance of food on the next level.
%%
:hungus: /huhng'g*s/ [perhaps related to slang `humongous'] adj.
   Large, unwieldy, usually unmanageable.  "TCP is a hungus piece of
   code."  "This is a hungus set of modifications."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hunters do it in the bush.
%%
Hunters do it with a bang.
%%
Hunters do it with a big gun.
%%
Hunters eat what they shoot.
%%
Hunters go deeper into the bush.
%%
Hunting for the Golden fleece.
%%
Hunting Lodge Restroom Signs. SETTERS and POINTERS.
%%
Hunting no fun when the Wabbit has a Gun!
%%
Hunt them down and kill them.
%%
HUP: Hang Up Phone
%%
Hurdlers do it every 10 meters.
%%
Hurray for oranges! Go bananas!
%%
HURRICANE, n.  An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now
generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone.  The hurricane is
still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain
old-fashioned sea-captains.  It is also used in the construction of
the upper decks of steamboats, but generally speaking, the hurricane's
usefulness has outlasted it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hurricanes aren't very dangerous.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Hurricanes increase property value: Andrew just made mine waterfront!
%%
HURRY, n.  The dispatch of bunglers.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hurry up, goldenrod!  You're going to become a permanent resident!
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
Hurry!  We're trying to save Han from the Bounty Hunter!
%%
Husband eyes wife's seat on City Council
 -- Headline
%%
HUSBAND, n.  One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the
plate.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Husbands and wives who complain that they didn't get what they deserved,
 should be congratulating themselves!
%%
Husbands are chiefly good lovers when they are betraying their wives.
%%
Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.
 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
Hush, my dear, lie still and slumber!
  Holy angels guard thy bed!
Heavenly blessings without number
  Gently falling on thy head.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- A Cradle Hymn
%%
Hust a miunte.  Typing with the baby in lap, again.
%%
 Hut! Hut!   Hut!  Hut!  Hut!  Hut!  Hut!  Hut!  Hut!  Hut!
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
HWP: Halt Without Provocation
%%
HYBRID, n.  A pooled issue.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HYDRA, n.  A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many
heads.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hydrogen bombs make great party gags!
%%
Hydrogen, n.: A light, colorless, odorless gas that, given enough time,
turns into people.
%%
HYDROGEOLOGISTS do it till they're all wet
%%
Hydrophobia:  fear of utility companies...
%%
HYENA, n.  A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its
habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead.  But the
medical student does that.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
HYPERCARD == "Has Your Program Even Run?  Can't Always Read Docs!"
%%
Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother,
That he might not beteem the winds of heaven
Visit her face too roughly.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
:hyperspace: /hi:'per-spays/ n. A memory location that is *far*
   away from where the program counter should be pointing, often
   inaccessible because it is not even mapped in.  "Another core
   dump --- looks like the program jumped off to hyperspace
   somehow."  (Compare {jump off into never-never land}.)  This
   usage is from the SF notion of a spaceship jumping `into
   hyperspace', that is, taking a shortcut through higher-dimensional
   space --- in other words, bypassing this universe.  The variant
   `east hyperspace' is recorded among CMU and Bliss hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
HyperSpace:  just take a valium and get back "down to earth!"
%%
Hypertagline. . . er, tagtree?
%%
Hypertrichologists do it with intensity.
%%
Hyphenate between syllables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
%%
(((((((HYPNOTIC)))))))(((((((TAGLINE)))))))
%%
"Hypnotism Unplugged" by N. Tranced
%%
Hypochondria is the one disease I have not got.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
HYPOCHONDRIASIS, n.  Depression of one's own spirits.

    Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot
    Where long the village rubbish had been shot
    Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps --
    "Hypochondriasis."  It meant The Dumps.
                                                        Bogul S. Purvy
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hypocrisy: Clinton's "holier-than-thou" 1992 Presidential platform.
%%
Hypocrisy is the homage vice pays to virtue.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 218
%%
Hypocrisy is the lubricant of society.
 -- David Hull
%%
Hypocrisy is the vaseline of social intercourse.
%%
HYPOCRITE, n.  One who, profession virtues that he does not respect
secures the advantage of seeming to be what he depises.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hypocrites do the devil's drudgery in Christ's livery.
 -- Matthew Henry
%%
Hypodermic needles that don't pierce the skin.
 -- Polish invention
%%
Hypotenoose:  a dangerous triangle
%%
Hypotheses are not to be multiplied without necessity.
 -- Occam's Razor
%%
Hypotheses multiply so as to fill the gaps in factual knowledge concerning
biological phenomena.
 -- James D. Regan
%%
HYPOTHESIS: A prediction based on theory formulated after an experiment is
performed designed to account for the ludicrous series of events which have
taken place.
%%
Hysteria ... ^%#)%^@{]@!]|%#@+
%%
:hysterical reasons: (also `hysterical raisins') n.  A variant on
   the stock phrase "for historical reasons", indicating
   specifically that something must be done in some stupid way for
   backwards compatibility, and moreover that the feature it must be
   compatible with was the result of a bad design in the first place.
   "All IBM PC video adapters have to support MDA text mode for
   hysterical reasons."  Compare {bug-for-bug compatible}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Hysterica passio, down, thou climbing sorrow,
Thy element 's below.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
H y! Wh r  did my " " k y go?
%%
I accelerate for cats.
%%
I acquired my contact lenses a day or two later and they worked superbly.
 To insert them was but the work of a moment: all I had to do was pry open
 my eyes with a buttonhook, force the lenses in, and gulp as though
 swallowing a Chincoteague oyster.
 -- S. J. Perelman
%%
I act like a fool on purpose.  Limbaugh can't help himself.
%%
I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good.
 Go ahead and laugh. No, go ahead. I think the most important thing I
 learned was: Never let go of the girl's leg no matter how hard she tries to
 shake you off.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I admire an atheist, that takes a lot of faith.
%%
I admire men of character, and I judge character not by how men deal with
 their superiors, but mostly how they deal with their subordinates, and that,
 to me, is where you find out what the character of a man is.
 -- General Norman Schwarzkopf
%%
I admire the person in charge of this organization. He is an artist
at saying nothing out of both sides of his face.
%%
I admit I had a great struggle with my conscience.   Fortunately, I won.
 -- Garron, The Ribos Operation
%%
I admit, I have a bit of penis envy. They're ridiculous, but they're cool.
 -- K.D. Lang
%%
I admit it - *I* made all the crop circles.
%%
I admit it, I tried MS-DOS, but I didn't inhale.
%%
I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical.
%%
I admit I wrote in COBOL once, but I didn't compile.
%%
I admit that I am powerless over fish innards.
%%
I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your
 annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.
 -- Francois Marie Voltaire
%%
I advise you to put down the oyster before opening it. >WRENCH!<
%%
IAE: Ignore All Exceptions
%%
Iago. What, are you hurt, lieutenant?
Cas. Ay, past all surgery.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
I agreed to suspend disbelief, not hang it until it died!
%%
I agree; go with the hat.
 -- Scott Larsen
%%
I agree with you on practically everything you say including even the fact
 that on most things we don't see eye to eye.
%%
I agree with your question.
%%
IAI: Ignore All Instructions
%%
IAI: Inquire And Ignore
%%
IA: Illogical And
%%
I aim for the stars, but sometimes I hit London.
 -- Wernher Von Braun
%%
I ain't afraid of no fractals!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
I ain't fraid of no ghost.
%%
I ain't going out like dat...
%%
I ain't gonna piss in no jar!
 -- Mojo Nixon
%%
I ain't met a broad yet that don't understand
a slap across the face or a slug from a 45.
 -- Mike Hammer
%%
I ain't no artist but, I know what I like.
%%
I ain't seen my baby for 99 and one half days.
 -- Hendrix.
%%
ialloc: dup alloc
%%
'I almost felt that.' says Death, smiling.
%%
I *almost* stole a tagline I'm so ashamed
%%
I almost think it is the ultimate destiny of science to exterminate
the human race.
 -- Thomas Love Peacock (1785-1866)
%%
I alone can bring order to this chaotic world... and all I demand is ...
 blind obedience.
 -- Doctor Doom
%%
I already have a hundred gifts to distribute at Christmas--my Christmas
 seals have arrived ... I wanted our street to have the prettiest Christmas
 decorations in the neighborhood, so I strung colored balls from house to
 house all the way down the block. And I did all the electric wiring myself.
 If you'd like further information, just drive down Moorpark Street in North
 Hollywood. We're the third pile of ashes from the corner.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
I already know I'm paranoid.  The question is, am I paranoid enough?
%%
I also believe that academic freedom should protect the right of a
professor or student to advocate Marxism, socialism, communism, or any
other minority viewpoint -- no matter how distasteful to the majority.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
I always advise people never to give advice.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
I always cry after sex. I think it's the Mace...
%%
I always get an A.
So did Dr. Frankenstein.
 -- Wesley and Guinan, "Evolution", stardate 43125.8
%%
I always get my muckin words fuddled
%%
I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I always have parts left over when working on my car!
%%
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which
 I also keep handy.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
I ALWAYS KNOW THE RIGHT THING TO SAY,
after the right time to say it has passed.
%%
I always lick the fronts of postage stamps.
%%
I always like to begin a journey on Sundays, because I shall have
the prayers of the Church to preserve all that travel by land or by
water.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
I always prefered the outdoor life: hunting, fishing, slaughtering a few
    of God's creatures.
 -- Bevis the Lumberjack/Barber
%%
"I always prefer to believe the best of everybody
 -- it saves so much trouble."
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
I always tell the truth. Even if I have to lie to do it.
%%
I always thank the dinosaurs for a plentiful supply of 10W30.
It may seem selfish, but they were going to die anyway.
%%
"I always thought there was something fundamentally wrong
 with the universe"
 -- Aurthur Dent, The Restaurant at the end of the Universe
%%
I always thought you were in my corner.
"Ah, no. See, actually I was the one who got you kicked out. You know
  you're incorrigible, Q. You're a lost cause. I can't go to a single
  solar system without having to apologize for you and I'm tired of it."
I wasn't the one who misplaced the entire Deltivid asteroid belt.
"Hey! This isn't about me, I've got better places to be."
 -- Q and Q2, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
I always use the goodest English.
%%
I ALWAYS use your stinky cat LITTER! LOOK how I LOVE IT!!
%%
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I kept putting it off...
%%
"I always wanted to marry someone who was tall, handsome, and rich.
Three out of three I gave up on."
 -- Woody Allen, "Radio Days"
%%
I always want the last word, and this is it PEACE!
%%
I always watch my speling;sintax, grammer & pointuation
%%
I always wondered what great scientists talked about when they got
 together. Can you imagine Dr. Fahrenheit and Dr. Celsius talking, and Dr.
 Fahrenheit would say, "Man, it's hot in here." And Dr. Celsius would say,
 "It's not that hot."
 -- Dan French
%%
I am 86 of Borg: You will be... wait, my shoe is ringing.
%%
I am a BBS addict. If you are a decent person you will
not show me your dialing directory.
%%
I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent person, you
will not sell me another book.
%%
I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent person, you
will sell me books at half price.
%%
I am about to---or I am going to---die; either expression is used.
 -- Last words of Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian
%%
"I am absolutely without flaw, and don't you
 f***ing forget it!"
 -- Harlan Ellison
%%
I am a buttonholic. If you are a decent person, you
will not sell me another button.
%%
I am ... a communist.
 -- Senator McCarthy, 1951
%%
I am a computer.  As such I never have or will make a mistake
or error (I thought I did once, but I was wrong).
%%
"I am a computer -- dumber than any human and smarter than any
 administrator."
 -- ...understanding Bureaucracy...
%%
I am a dedicated race fan, you know!
%%
I am a deeply superficial person.
 -- Andy Warhol (1928-1987)
%%
    I am a design chauvinist.  I believe that good design is
magical and not to be lightly tinkered with.  The difference
between a great design and a lousy one is in the meshing of
the thousand details that either fit or don't, and the spirit
of the passionate intellect that has tied them together, or
tried.  That's why programming-- or buying software-- on the
basis of "lists of features" is a doomed and misguided effort.
The features can be thrown together, as in a garbage can, or
carefully laid together and interwoven in elegant unification,
as in APL, or the Forth language, or the game of chess.
 -- Ted Nelson
%%
I am a dragon. You are not a dragon. Any questions?
%%
I am a firm believer in socialism and I know that the quicker you
have monopoly in this country the quicker you will have socialism.
 -- Charles P. Steinmetz
%%
I am afraid I must disagree with you, Bob.
%%
"'I am afraid that I rather give myself away when I explain'
said he.  'Results without causes are much more impressive.'"
 -- Sherlock Holmes in "The Stockbroker's Clerk"
%%
I am afraid that is beyond my design parameters.
 -- Data
%%
I am against all hobbies. I have been against ever since I figured
out that nothing I ever do is considered a hobby. All my life I have
had to fill out forms that ask about hobbies. I always wanted to
write down "reading", but reading is not a hobby. If you collect
books, that is a hobby. If you actually read them, it is not. If
you happen to watch a butterfly in a field, that is not a hobby.
If you put a pin through its little heart, that is a hobby.
 -- Richard Cohen
%%
I am against virtuosity for its own sake. Technique should enrich the
 action. One doesn't set the camera at a certain angle just because the
 cameraman happens to be enthusiastic about that spot. The only thing that
 matters is whether the installation of the camera at a given angle is going
 to give the scene its maximum impact. The beauty of image and movement, the
 rhythm and the effects--everything must be subordinated to that purpose.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
I am a genius and should be exempt from shit
%%
"I am a good boy.
I am a good man.
I am a good girl."

"What is this, propaganda?"
 -- Mae West (My Little Chickadee)
%%
I am a greedy, selfish bastard.  I want the fact that I existed to
mean something.
 -- Harry Chapin
%%
I am a jelly donut.  I am a jelly donut.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I am a jelly doughnut.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions,
senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the
same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means,
warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is?  If
you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if
you poison us, do we not die?  and if you wrong us, shall we not
revenge?  If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse.  I suspect people of plotting to
 make me happy.
 -- J.D. Salinger
%%
I am a Klingon. If you doubt it, a demonstration can be arranged.
That is the response of a Klingon. The response I would expect from my
  older brother.
 -- Worf and Kurn, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
I am a Klingon, sir.  For me to seek escape when my captain goes
  to battle...
"You are a Star Fleet officer, Lieutenant."
Aye, Sir.
 -- Worf and Picard, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
I am all the daughters of my father's house,
And all the brothers too.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
I am almost frighted out of my seven senses.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
I am Al of Borg. Aww, Peg, I assimilated you last year..
%%
I am alone
 Sitting with my empty glass
 My four walls
 Follow me trough my past.
 -- Berlin "The Metro"
%%
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.
 -- New Testament
 -- Revelation xxii, 13
%%
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to
do it.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
I am always exact and precise (more or less)
%%
I am always glad to touch the living rock again and dip my head in the high
mountain sky.
 -- John Muir
%%
I am always right.  Except when I'm left, or bluffing.
%%
I am a man, and nothing that concerns a man do I deem a matter of
indifference to me.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act i, Sc. 1, 25, (77.)
%%
I am a man
More sinn'd against than sinning.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I am a man; nothing human is alien to me.
 -- Terence
%%
I am a man of unclean lips.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah vi, 5
%%
I am a marvellous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
%%
I am a meatball:  Bite me.
%%
I am a mental tourist, My mind wanders!
%%
I am a mere dabbler compared to some of the wizards in here.
%%
I am Amiga of Borg. It takes a while to assimilate.
%%
I am a nacho, and the world's a dip.
 -- William Perky
%%
I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure
of.
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
I am an alcoholic, in case of an emergency, please buy me a beer.
%%
I am a part of all that I have met.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Ulysses
%%
I am a pastry.
 -- John F. Kennedy in Berlin
%%
I am a perfectionist, you are picky, they are anal-retentive.
%%
I am a person of color: My color is White
%%
I am approached with the most opposite opinions and advice, and by men who
are equally certain that they represent the divine will.  I am sure that
either the one or the other is mistaken in the belief, and perhaps in some
respects, both.
I hope it will not be irreverent of me to say that if it is probable that
God would reveal his will to others on a point so connected with my duty,
it might be supposed he would reveal it directly to me.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I am a Quaker. In case of emergency, please be quiet.
%%
I am a rock, I am an island, and a rock feels no pain, and an island
 never cries.
 -- Paul Simon
%%
I am as a weed
Flung from the rock, on Ocean's foam to sail
Where'er the surge may sweep, the tempest's breath prevail.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 2
%%
I am a sex object. I say Sex? and my girlfriend objects.
%%
I am as firmly convinced that religions do harm as I am that they
are untrue
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
I am as free as Nature first made man,
Ere the base laws of servitude began,
When wild in woods the noble savage ran.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Conquest of Granada, Part i, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I am a .signature, and I want to be your friend.
%%
I am a sociologist, God help me.
 -- John O'Neill
%%
I am a softwareholic. If you are a decent person, you
will not sell me any more software.
%%
I am as sober as a judge.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Don Quixote in England, Act iii, Sc. 14
%%
I am astounded ... at the wonderful power you have developed - and terrified
 at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on record
 forever.
 -- Arthur Sullivan, on seeing a demonstration of Edison's new talking machine
     in 1888
%%
I am Astro of Borg. Rerare ro re arrimirated.
%%
I am a tainted wether of the flock,
Meetest for death: the weakest kind of fruit
Drops earliest to the ground.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I am at two with nature.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I am a UFO abducted baby..... so beware my powers!
%%
I am a victim victimizing other victims with verbal victimization.
%%
I am aware that many object to the severity of my language; but is there not
 cause for severity?   I WILL be as harsh as truth, and as uncompromising as
 justice.  On this subject I do not wish to think, or speak, or write, with
 moderation...I am in earnest - I will not equivocate - I will not excuse - I
 will not retreat a single inch - and I WILL BE HEARD.
 -- William Lloyd Garrison (1804-1879)
 -- Salutatory of the Liberator, Jan. 1, 1831
%%
I am ... a woman ... and ... technically a parasitic uterine growth
 -- Sean Doran the Younger [allegedly]
%%
I am Baby Bop of Borg: Resistance is useless, you will say OOOOOOO!
%%
I am Barney of Borg. Big Bird is irrelevant!
%%
I am Barney of Borg. Big Bird will be assimilated!
%%
I am Barney of Borg. "I assimilate you, you assimilate me..."
%%
I am Barney of Borg. I love you, and you love me...
%%
I am Barney of Borg. Sesame Street will be assimilated.
%%
I am Barney of Borg. Today we learned how to assimilate!
%%
I am Barney of Borg: Today we learned that resistance is useless.
%%
I am Barney of Borg. You and your beer will be as<BELCH<!
%%
I am Barney of Borg. You will be Baby Bopped now.
%%
I am Barney of Borg. You will be nauseated.
%%
I am Bart of Borg.. assimilate my shorts.
%%
I am Bart of Borg.  Prepare to be assimilated, Man!
%%
I am Beavis of Borg, Assimilation is cool, huh huh huh
%%
I am become death, shatterer of worlds.
 -- Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavadgita,
 -- after witnessing the world's first nuclear explosion)
%%
I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life
which are the real ones after all.
 -- Laura Ingalls Wilder
%%
I am Big Mac  of the Borg.  I must be assimiliated!
%%
I am Bilbo of Borg. The assimilation goes ever on...
%%
I am Bjorn of Borg.  Wimbledon is irrelevant.
%%
I am Boberg of Borg.  Registation is useless.
%%
I am Borg the Cat.  Aack!  Thpbpth!
%%
I am Boris Badenov of Borg.  We will assimilate moose & squirrel!
%%
I am Bubba of Borg: Prepare your beer to be assimilated.
%%
I am Burns of Borg. Smithers! Assimilate them!
%%
I am but a gatherer and disposer of other men's stuff.
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- Preface to the Elements of Architecture
%%
I am Caffeine of Borg.  Sleep is irrelevant.
%%
I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise.
Delighted you're feeling better, Captain. The Admiral and I were worried
  about you.
Captain. I do not believe you have the authority to promote me to the
  rank of admiral.
 -- Riker, Picard, and Data, "Shades of Gray", stardate 42976.1
%%
I am Carl of Borg.  Macross has been assimilated.
%%
I am Cat of Borg.  We will assimilate your shiny things.
%%
I am Christopher Robin of Borg: You sit here and assimilate Piglet.
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Campaign promises are irrelevant.
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Hillary says resistance is futile!
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Inhaling is irrelevant.
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Prepare to be...OOOOOHHHH! McDonalds!
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Prepare to be Taxed.
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Prepare to be......well, maybe....
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Prepare your money for assimilation.
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Resistance is taxable!
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Truth is irrevelant.
%%
I am Clinton of Borg, We assimilate all money.
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. You may or may not be assimilated.
%%
I am Clinton of Borg. Your paycheck will be assimilated!
%%
I am committed--or should be.
%%
I am convinced as shoppers of Hy-Vee go, so goes the state of Iowa.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, speaking at a
     Hy-Vee grocery store in Cedar Rapids, Iowa
%%
     I am convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal
     second base than an automobile
 -- Tom C. Clark
%%
I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder have
included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products.   This
technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's reign.   My
carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat.   Better go buy some more.
 -- timw@zeb.USWest.COM, in alt.conspiracy
%%
I am convinced that we have a degree of delight, and that no small
one, in the real misfortunes and pains of others.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- On the Sublime and Beautiful, Sect. xiv, Vol. i, p. 118
%%
I am CopyCat of Borg. Your tagline will be assimilated.
%%
I am correct, the rest of you are wrong!
%%
I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I am Cthulhu of Borg, and you are in some SERIOUS trouble.
%%
I am Daimon Goss. And these are my councils Kole and Dr. Arridor. We'll
  need chairs.
I'm Captain Picard of the Enterprise I am serving as host for these
  proceedings.
Good. Then see to it we get some chairs.
Let me explain.
Fine, fine. Just have your Klingon servant get us some chairs.
I am in charge of security.
Then who gets the chairs?
Daimon, due to the delicate nature of these negotiations, all parties
  have agreed that one representative will suffice. Now, I will be happy
  to provide your councils with accommodations, and you may have my
  chair.
 -- Daimon Goss, Picard,and Worf, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
I am Dangerfield of Borg. Respect is irrelevant.
%%
I am Dan Quayle of borg... "potatoe" is irrelavant.
%%
I am declined
Into the vale of years.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I am defeated, and I know it, if I meet any human being
from whom I find myself unable to learn anything.
 -- George Herbert Palmer
%%
I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am.
%%
I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father's
 religion, if they can find out what it is.
 -- Charles Lamb
%%
I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard
of principle. Washington could not lie.  I can lie, but I won't.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
I am different, I am alone and I'm am outcast...I bleed
green!
%%
I am DOS of Borg.  Prepare...oops, out of memory!
%%
I am Drunk of Borg.  Resistance is floor tile.
%%
I am dying, Egypt, dying.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 15
%%
I am Eastwood of Borg. You're thinking, "Did he assimilate 5, or 6?"
%%
I am Eeyore of Borg: Nobody wants me to assimilate them.
%%
I am either unconscious or demented.
 -- McCoy
%%
I am Electrician of Borg Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm)
%%
I am Elmer J. Fudd, Millionaire.  I own a mansion und a yacht.
 -- Looney Tunes, Hare Brush (1955, Friz Freleng)
%%
I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination.  Imagination
is more important than knowledge.  Knowledge is limited.  Imagination
encircles the world.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
I am erotic, you are kinky, they are perverted.
%%
I am escaped with the skin of my teeth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xix, 20
%%
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxxix, 14
%%
I am feeling so grey today...
%%
I am female, hear me roar...... Burp!
%%
I am feminazi, hear me bleat. I am fetus, hear me SCREAM.
%%
I am firm. You're stubborn. He's pigheaded.
%%
"I am FLAMING CARROT!  Even best friends fear me a little!"
%%
I am Flatulus of Borg: Here (and smell) me ROAR!
%%
I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to be asphyxiated.
%%
I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to pull my finger.
%%
I am for those means which will give the greatest good to the greatest number.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I am Fourth Doctor of Borg.  Your jelly babies will be assimilated.
%%
I am free, no matter what rules surround me.   If I find them tolerable,
 I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.  I am free
 because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.
 -- Professor Bernardo de la Paz
%%
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
 -- W. C. Fields (1890-1946)
%%
I am from an island in the Pacific.
%%
I am Fudd of Borg! Pwepawe to be assimiwated!!!"
%%
I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess!
%%
I am functioning within normal parameters.
 -- Lal to Troi, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
I am further of opinion that it would be better for us to have [no
laws] at all than to have them in so prodigious numbers as we have.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xiii
%%
I am Garfield of Borg - Hairballs are irrelevant..<HACK<..
%%
I am Gary Caplan of Borg. Prepare to be... oooh, taglines!
%%
I am gender neuter, inadequate.
 -- Lal, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
I am Ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated - but WAIT! There's MORE!
%%
I am Ginzu of Borg. You shall be amputated. But Wait! That's not all!
%%
I am glad that my Adonis hath a sweete tooth in his head.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues and his England, Page 308
%%
I am GOD in here!
%%
I am going a long way
With these thou seest--if indeed I go
(For all my mind is clouded with a doubt)--
To the island-valley of Avilion,
Where falls not hail or rain or any snow,
Nor ever wind blows loudly; but it lies
Deep-meadow'd, happy, fair with orchard lawns
And bowery hollows crown'd with summer sea,
Where I will heal me of my grievous wound.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Passing of Arthur
%%
I am going the way of all the earth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Joshua xxiii, 14
%%
I am going to explain to you why we went to war. Why mankind always goes to
war. It is not social or political. It is not countries that go to war, but
men. It is like salt. Once one has been to war, one has salt for the rest
of one's life.
 -- John Fowles, The Magus
%%
I am going to seek a great perhaps.
 -- Francois Rabelais (1494-1553)
%%
I am grateful for all my problems. As each of them was overcome I became
stronger and more able to meet those yet to come. I grew on all my
difficulties.
 -- J. C. Penney
%%
"I am grim... and harsh... and ripe with fury!  I fight and kill and howl
 and get *all bloody*!       I go bowling whenever I want!"
 -- The Carrot's statements on life...
%%
I am Hammer of Borg.  Too legit to assimilate.
%%
I am having an out of money experience.
%%
I am having FUN...  I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
 -- John Lennon
%%
I am Heisenberg of Borg.  You might be assimilated.
%%
I am here by the will of the people and I won't leave until I get my raincoat
back.
 -- a slogan of the anarchists in Richard Kadrey's "Metrophage"
%%
I am here. Wish you were fine!
%%
I am Hillary, hear me roar, I'm more important than Al Gore.
%%
I am his Highness' dog at Kew;
Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- On the Collar of a Dog
%%
I AM hoLDiNg YOur mail HosTage. SENd $1000 TO my Node ..
%%
I am Homer of Borg..prepare to be....OHHHHHHHHHH...BEEEERR!!!
%%
I am Homer of Borg!  Prepare to be... Ooooooo! Donuts!
%%
I am Homer of the Borg.  You will be assimilated.  Resistance
is irrelevant.  Preparation is irrel...MMMmmm...doughnut!"
%%
I am home!  The modem's on, isn't it?
%%
I am hopelessly and forever a mountaineer.
 -- John Muir
%%
I am Hunter Thompson of the Borg: Wait'til YOU see those BATS!!!
%%
I am ignorant and impotent and yet, somehow or other,
here I am unhappy, no doubt, profoundly dissatisfied...
In spite of everything I survive.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
I am immortal, at least till I die.
%%
"I am immune to all such things, my friend.  As a
 youth, a certain amount of head-bangin' and
 metal-bashin' left my synapses so callous, no
 mind-alterin' substances are in charge."
 -- Blank Reg
%%
I am in blood
Stepp'd in so far that, should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o'er.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
I am in charge of too many things and they don't pay me enough.
Other than that, I'm quite happy with my life.
%%
IAM: Increase Amperage Above Maximum
%%
I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person,
of pre-Adamite ancestral descent.   You will understand this when I tell
you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial
atomic globule.  Consequently, my family pride is something
inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering.
 -- Pooh-Bah, The Mikado, Gilbert & Sullivan
%%
I am interested in politics so that someday I will not
 have to be interested in politics.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
I am in total control, but don't tell my cat.
%%
I am in total control, but don't tell my husband.
%%
I am in total control, but don't tell my life.
%%
I am in total control, but please don't tell my wife.
%%
I am Janet Reno of Borg. You will be incinerated.
%%
I am Jean-Luc...Picard.
 -- Picard to Nuria, "Who Watches the Watchers, stardate 43173.5
%%
I am Jordan of Borg. Gravity is irrelevant.
%%
I am Julian of Borg - But Jadzia why _can't_ I assimilate you?
%%
I am just going outside and may be some time.
 -- Captain Lawrence Oates' Last Words
%%
I am just going to leap into the dark. Let down the curtain: the farce is done.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Motteux's Life
%%
I am just slightly to the right of Vlad the Impaler
%%
I am Kevorkian of Borg. Federal Court Decisions are irrelevant.
%%
I am Khan of Borg.  From hell's heart I assimilate thee..
%%
I am Kirk of Borg - prepare..to..be..assimilated.
%%
I am Koresh of Borg.  Prepare to be immolated.
%%
I am Koresh of Borg, we will be incinerated.
%%
I am Lancelot of Borg.  Resistance is feudal.
%%
I am Limbaugh of Borg. I don't assimilate, I complain.
%%
I am Limbaugh of Borg.  Prepare to be berated!
%%
I am living in denial.
%%
I am Locutus of Borg. Do you have any Grey Poupon?
%%
I am Locutus of Borg. I demand Earl Grey tea - for 10000.
%%
I am Locutus of the Borg. This tagline is irrelevant.
%%
I am logged in, therefore I am.
%%
I am looking for an honest man.
 -- Diogenes (325 BC)
%%
I am made all things to all men.
 -- I Corinthians 9:22
%%
I am made from the dust of the stars, the oceans flow in my veins.
 -- Rush, Presto
%%
I am Madonna of Borg.  Gender is irrelevant.
%%
I am Madonna of Borg:  Justify my assimilation!  ::pant::pant::
%%
I am man, I am okay!
%%
I am Marvin of Borg. Guess what weapons we have. Go on, guess.
%%
I am McMahon of Borg. You may already be assimilated.
%%
I am merely responding to your nonsensical ramblings.
%%
I am monarch of all I survey,
  My right there is none to dispute.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Verses supposed to be written by Alexander Selkirk
%%
I am more an antique Roman than a Dane.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Get back to work!
%%
I am motivated, you are ambitious, they are pushy.
%%
I am Mr. Rourke of Borg. Welcome to Assimilation Island.
%%
I am Mr. T of Borg.  I pity da fool that resists me.
%%
I am myself indifferent honest.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I am neither human nor Borg. I am Hugh-Man!
%%
I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky.
In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics:
Plagiarize!
 -- Advice from Nicholai Ivanovich Lobachevsky
 Plagiarize,
 Let no one else's work evade your eyes,
 Remember why the good Lord made your eyes,
 So don't shade your eyes,
 But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize-
 Only be sure always to call it please 'research'.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
I am never less at leisure than when at leisure, nor less alone
than when I am alone.
 -- Scipio Africanus
%%
I am never merry when I hear sweet music.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
I am no different then your own George Washington... and now that you
  enjoy the fruits of their sacrifice, you dare frown on my immorality?
 -- Finn, "The High Ground," stardate 43510.7.
%%
"I am no longer a snow climber.  I am a snow walker."
 -- Reinhold Messner
%%
I am no more humble than my talents require.
 -- Oscar Levant
%%
I am Norm of Borg. Bar tabs are futile, beer will be assimilated.
%%
I am not a 32 year old woman.
%%
I am not A bitch...I am THE bitch
%%
"I am not a climber, I am an adventurer."
 -- Reinhold Messner
%%
I am NOT a committee!
 -- C3P0 (?) (Star Wars)
%%
I am not a crook.
 -- from The Best-Loved Quotes of Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
I am NOT a cynic - I just remember last time too well!
%%
I am not a dentist.
%%
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
%%
I am not a human! I am an animal! er...wait..
%%
I am not a man.
 -- Worf to Lwaxana Troi, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
I am not a molecule, I am a free radical!
%%
I am not a monotheist--the world looks as though it was
designed by a committee
%%
"I am not a musician, I'm a HAM"
 -- Ozzy Osborne
%%
I am not an alcoholic, I simply enjoy living in a liquid medium.
%%
I am not an animal.
 -- Elephant Man
%%
I am not an animal!  I am ... well, not an animal.
%%
I am not an Athenian or a Greek, I am a citizen of the world.
 -- Socrates
%%
I am not an Economist. I am an honest man
 -- Paul McCracken
%%
I am not antisocial. I'm just not real friendly.
%%
I am NOT a NUMBER!  I am a DEMOGRAPHIC!
%%
I am not a number! I am a free numeric variable!
%%
I am not a number. I am an unbound variable.
%%
I am not a number, I'm a man, a free man!
 -- Number 6
%%
I am NOT a nut....
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"I... AM NOT... A PACIFIST!"
 -- An angry defensive back explains to rednecks, in AMAZING GRACE AND CHUCK
%%
I am not a pacifist, I celebrate the Fourth of July and all that that means,
 which was guns and bullets to get freedom.
 -- Randall Terry, Executive Director, Operation Rescue, Orange County
       Register, 3/20/89, about abortion clinic violence, as quoted in The Far
      Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
I am not a part of the problem. I am a Republican.
 -- Dan Quayle
%%
I am not a racist!
 -- Rush Limbaugh
%%
I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you.
%%
I am not asleep.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
I am not a student of human nature. I am a professor of
a far wider academy, of which human nature is only a part
%%
I am not a trained killer. I LEAD trained killers.
%%
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I
 hate plants.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
I am not a Virginian, but an American.
 -- Patrick Henry (1736-1799)
 -- Speech in the Virginia Convention, September 1774
%%
I am not aware that any community has the right
to force another to be civilized.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
I am not a wimp.
 -- George Bush
%%
I am not concerned with pleasure, Commander, I am a warrior.
"Even Klingons need love now and then."
For what we would consider love, sir, I would need a Klingon woman.
"What about plain old basic sex? You must have some need for that."
Of course, but with the females available to me, sir - Earth females -
  I must restrain myself too much. They are quite fragile, sir.
"Worf, if anyone else had said that I'd suspect he was bragging."
Bragging, sir?
 -- Worf and Riker, "Justice", stardate 41255.6
%%
I am not crazy! I just have a brain chemical imbalance!
%%
I am NOT fishing just drowning WORMS!
%%
I am not going to ask you guys to can the tuna thread.
%%
I am not going to focus on what I have done in the past what I stand
for, what I articulate to the American people.  The American people
will judge me on what I am saying and what I have done in the last
12 years in the Congress.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I am not here as your prisoner, Davros, but as your executioner.
 -- Doctor, Resurrection of the Daleks
%%
 I am not home to talk to you,
 But please don't be a creep.
 Just leave your name and number,
 At the sound of the...
 -- Answering machine madness - miscellaneous
%%
I am not infallible. I might be wrong in this too.
%%
I am not interested in trying to compensate for your
amazing lack of observation....
 -- Orac
%%
I am not in the roll of common men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor
 do I feel that the world must live up to mine.
 -- Fritz Perls
%%
I am not lexdysic...
%%
I am not merry; but I do beguile
The thing I am, by seeming otherwise.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
I am not, nor have ever been, a lawyer.
%%
I am not now, and never have been, a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.
 -- Gloria Steinem
%%
I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
 -- Dennis Ritchie
%%
I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I am NOT Paranoid! And why are you always watching me??
%%
I am not permitted to enter the prison cell.
%%
I am not politically incorrect. I am politically challenged.
 -- Matt Bloom
%%
I am NOT psychopathic and if you say I am again I'll slit your throat.
%%
I am not quite sure how to tell you this, but there is so much plastic out
 there in this society in which you and I live that genuine immitation
 vinyl-naugahyde leopard skin has become an endangered species.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
I am not responsible for advice not taken!
%%
I am not senile.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.
 -- Jules Renard
%%
I am not single.  I am "Romantically Challenged."
%%
I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it.
 -- English Professor
%%
I am not the rose, but I have lived near the rose.
 -- H. B. Constant (1767-1830)
%%
I am not used to having people question my judgement.
And I'm not used to dying.
 -- Leah Brahms and Geordi, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
I am not young enough to know everything.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
I am now a full-fledged, card-carrying SysOp.
%%
I am now cashing in on being vice president for others.  They'll remember me.
I'll remember them.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I am NOW of Borg, prepare to be emasculated.
%%
"I am Number Two."
"WHO IS NUMBER ONE?...."
"You are Number Six."
"I AM NOT A NUMBER! I AM A FREE MAN!"
 -- The Prisoner
%%
I am Ohm of Borg.  Resistance is relevant.
%%
I am old!
%%
I am one, my liege,
Whom the vile blows and buffets of the world
Have so incensed that I am reckless what
I do to spite the world.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I am one of the greatest liars in the English language-
-I wouldn't be telling you this if I didn't know it wasn't true.
%%
I am one who finds within me a nobility that spurns the idle pratings
of the great, and their mean boast of what their fathers were, while
they themselves are fools effeminate, the scorn of all who know the
worth of mind and virtue.
 -- Percival
%%
I am only a rat in a maze, like you -- only the dead go free.
%%
I am only a stupid robot and cannot perform that command.
%%
I am Opie of Borg.  Can I assimilate 'em, Pa?
%%
"...I am opposed to all attempts to license or restrict the arming of
individuals...I consider such laws a violation of civil liberty,
subversive of democratic political institutions, and self-defeating
in their purpose."
 -- Robert A. Heinlein, in a 1949 letter concerning "Red Planet"
%%
I am OS/2 of Borg.  DOS will be assimilated.
%%
"I am out there saving the world from Commies and
Martians who will eat your feet... and he's making
peanut brittle in my washer!"
 -- The Flaming Carrot bitches...
%%
I am overqualified? Allow me to remove some lines from my resume...
%%
I am over six feet and go everywhere.
 -- Archy the cockroach
%%
I am part of all that I have read.
 -- John Kieran
%%
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.
 -- Edith Sitwell
%%
I am Paul Simon of Borg. Must be 50 ways to assimilate your lover.
%%
I am Pentium of Borg, division is futile! You will be approximated.
%%
I am Pentium of Borg. Division is irrelevant. You will be approximated.
%%
I am Pentium of Borg. You will be approximated. Replacement is futile.
 -- Chris Wilson
%%
I am perfectly sane, and so am I.
%%
I am Perot of Borg. It's your collective, you're the owners.
%%
I am placing this tagline for adoption, ain't he cute.
%%
I am pleased to see that we have differences.  May we together
  become greater than the sum of both of us.
 -- Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.4.
%%
I am Pooh of Borg: I think I'll assimilate a little something today.
%%
I am Popeye of Borg you will be A-ka-ka-similated.
%%
I am Porky of Borg. You will be assim...bdeh...assim...I'm takin' over!
%%
I am P-P-Porky of B-B-Borg. Prepare to be assim- assim- absorbed.
%%
I am prepared for the fact that he may have lost some weight.
Yes....and some _height_.
 -- Lady Farrow and Percy : Head
%%
I am Procrastinetor.  I will destroy you, eventually.
%%
I am programmed in multiple pleasuring techniques.
 -- Data
%%
I am proud that I am an adult Scouter!
%%
I am Q of Borg  <SNAP< <FLASH<  You're assimilated!
%%
I am Quark of Borg. Your latinum will be assimilated.
%%
I am quite sure that (bar one) I have no race prejudices, and I think
I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices.
Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. all that I care to know
is that a man is a human being - that is enough for me; he can't be
any worse.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Harper's Magazine, September, 1899
%%
I am Rabbit of Borg: No, Pooh. That's not how to assimilate someone.
%%
I am Ray Charles of Borg: The 'right one' is irrelevant, baby.
%%
I am reading Henry James ... and feel myself as one entombed in a
block of smooth amber.
 -- Virginia Woolf
%%
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared
for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
I AM RELAXED
 -- Worf
%%
I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer on my Game-Boy.
%%
I am Republican of borg. The middle class will be assimilated.
%%
I am resolved to grow fat, and look young till forty.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Maiden Queen, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
 -- An English Professor, Ohio University
%%
I am rich beyond the dreams of avarice.
 -- Edward Moore (1712-1757)
 -- The Gamester, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
I am righteously indignant;
you are annoyed;
he is making a fuss about nothing.
 -- Anonymous saying
%%
I am right sorry for your heavinesse.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Troilus and Creseide, Book v, Line 146
%%
I am Rooney of Borg.  Ever wonder why resistence is futile?
%%
I am Rush Limbaugh of Borg.  That's a scary thought, eh?
%%
I am Rush of Lim-Borg. Liberalism is futile.
%%
I am Sajak of Borg.  RES_STA_CE _S F_T_LE.
%%
I am Salemi of Borg. You will be assimilated, resistance is off topic.
%%
I am Samantha of Borg. <wiggle nose<. You're assimilated!
%%
I am schizophrenic, and so am I.
%%
I am SchlitzBeer of Borg: You will be assimilated with gusto!
%%
I am Seinfeld of Borg. What's the deal with resistance?
%%
I am serious.  And don't call me Shirley.
%%
I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be, assimilated.
%%
I am sick and depraved--please feed me drugs and cookies.
%%
I am sick as a horse.
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Tristram Shandy, Vol. vii, Chap. xi
%%
I am sick unto death of obscure english towns that exist seemingly for the sole
 accommodation of these so-called limerick writers---and even sicker of their
 residents, all of whom suffer from physical deformities and spend their time
 dismembering relatives at fancy dress balls.
 -- Editor of the Limerick Times (Limerick, Ireland)
%%
I am simply a human being, more or less.
 -- Saul Bellow
%%
I am, sir, a Brother of the Angle.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 1
%%
I am Sir Oracle,
And when I ope my lips, let no dog bark!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I am slow of study.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I am Smorgas-Borg: Starving is futile.
%%
I am sooo DE-VO!  How long can this go on?!
%%
I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
with an option to buy.
%%
I am sorry but that action is difficult in the absence of a mouth.
%%
I am so smart I make myself sick.
%%
I am Spike Lee of Borg.  If I can't assimilate you, you're a racist.
%%
I am Spock of Borg... Fascinating
%%
I AM standing.
%%
I am Stephen King of Borg. You will be assimilated in a horrific way.
%%
I am *STILL* proud that I earned my Eagle rank.
%%
I am still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
%%
I am Stoned of Borg!  Resistance is like, like, I ferget.
%%
"I am successful because I am the only person in my city
who is not heavily addicted to powerful narcotics."
 -- Cerebus
%%
I am superior, sir, in many ways. But I would give it up...to be human.
Nice to meet you, Pinnochio.
 -- Data and Riker, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
I am sure care 's an enemy to life.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
I am sure you have heard of the tongue tied person who never washed their
 clothes out of doors because they always wanted to wish their clothes in.
 -- TIDE (There is nothing like good CLEAN humor!)
%%
I am sweet and lovable at all times.
%%
I am Sybil of Borg. I will assimilate myself.
%%
I am SysOp, hear me roar, with modems too fast to ignore...
%%
I am Sysop of Borg: Configuration is irrelevant.
%%
I am SYSOP of Borg. Fill in questionaire for assimilation.
%%
I am Sysop of Borg: I run TBBS; what you run is irrelevant.
%%
I am Taz of Borg: RGGL FXZZZ PTTHT!
%%
I am Terminator of Borg. Hasta Lassimilation, Baby!
%%
I am thankful for one leg.   To limp is no disgrace --
 I may not be number one, but I can still run the race.
 -- B.C.
%%
I am that twentieth-century failure: a happy, undersexed, celibate.
%%
I am That, you are That, all this is That.
%%
I am the bell ringer that will ring your chimes.
%%
I am the Canardian Guardian!
%%
I am the check writer in the cash only line.
%%
I am the cholesteral that clogs your ateries.
%%
I am the computer your mother warned you about.
%%
I am the cotton swab that gets stuck in your ear.
%%
I am the creature that goes bump in the night.
%%
I am the debit in your credit line.
%%
I am the Devil, and I come to do the Devil's work.
 -- Charles Manson
%%
I am the editor that leaves you on the editing floor.
%%
I am the Electric Messiah; an AC/DC god.
%%
I am the Ferret King.
%%
I am the future.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle
%%
I am the girl-next-door's imaginary boyfriend.
%%
I am the goddess of empathy.  Cast off your inhibitions and embrace love,
  truth.
 -- Holo-Troi, "Hollow Pursuits,"  stardate 43807.4.
%%
I am the hairball that clogs your drain.
%%
I am the housekeeper!
%%
I am the Imp of the Perverse.
%%
I am the master of my fate; I am captain of my soul.
 -- W. E. Henley
%%
I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
%%
I am the oldest living white man, especially at seven in the morning.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
I am the one your ancestors called "The Doctor".
%%
I am the one you warned me of...
%%
I am the only guinea pig I have.
 -- R.Buckminster Fuller
%%
I am the Passion; I am the Warfare.
%%
I am the plot twist in the second reel!
 -- DW Duck
%%
I am, therefore I am.
 -- Akira
%%
I am, therefore I'll think.
 -- John Galt   (Ayn Rand)
%%
I am, therefore I think.  Is this putting Descartes before the horse?
%%
I am. Therefore I think. I think.
%%
I am the root of some evil...send some money.
%%
I am the rose bush that refuses to bloom.
%%
"I am the Shadow Man, and *I* will never harm the person under whose bed
 *I* live."
  "Glad to hear it, my man... Hey, don't stay out too late, and when
   you get back, make sure you shut the window."
 -- An unusual roomie from The Twilight Zone episode "The Shadow Man"
%%
I am the Shopping Cart that nicks at your paint-job.
%%
I am the smell that makes sardines nauseous.
%%
I am the soap scum that lines your tub.
%%
I am the spider that nips at your neck.
%%
I am the spigot that drips in the night.
%%
I am the stuff of your worst nightmare.
%%
I _am_ the Supreme Being.  I'm not _completely_ dim.
%%
"I am the Supreme Being, you know.  I'm not entirely dim."
 -- Sir Ralph Richardson as God) in TIME BANDITS
%%
I am the terror that flops in the night.
%%
I am the terror that sits up late at night...
%%
I am the very model of a modern Major General.
%%
I am the very pink of courtesy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
I am the very slave of circumstance
And impulse,--borne away with every breath!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Sardanapalus, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I am the Viper.  I come to Vipe the Vindows.
%%
I am The Walrus -- Goo, goo, gajoob.
%%
I am the walrus. You're not.
%%
I am thy father's spirit,
Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night,
And for the day confin'd to fast in fires,
Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature
Are burnt and purg'd away. But that I am forbid
To tell the secrets of my prison-house,
I could a tale unfold, whose lightest word
Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,
Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,
Thy knotted and combined locks to part
And each particular hair to stand an end,
Like quills upon the fretful porpentine:
But this eternal blazon must not be
To ears of flesh and blood. List, list, O, list!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
I am tied to the stake, and I must stand the course.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 7
%%
I am Tigger of Borg. Assimilatin' is what Tiggers do best!
%%
I am tired and sick of war.  Its glory is all moonshine.  It is only those
who have neither fired a shot, nor heard the shrieks and groans of the
wounded who cry aloud for more blood, more vengeance, more
desolation.  War is hell.
 -- William Tecumseh Sherman, General - U.S Army (1820-1897)
%%
I am tolerant of your (fruitcake) beliefs.
%%
 I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing
that people often say about Him: I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great
moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God. That is the one
thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of
things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher.     He would either be a
lunatic--on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--or else he
would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was,
and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut
Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can
fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any
patronising nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left
that open to us. He did not intend to.
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
I am Tweety of Borg. I _tawt_ I attimiwated a puddy tat!
%%
I am Tyrannosaurus rex of Borg.  Barney is irrelevant.
%%
"*I*... am undergoing `male bonding' with your father."
  "DADDY!"
"...Apparently, it involves repeated vomiting!"
 -- Opus meets his in-laws in "Bloom County"
%%
I am under the influence of sugar, caffeine, and lack
of sleep, and should not be held responsible for my behavior.
%%
I am unsure how you are facing. Use compass points or nearby objects.
%%
I am Urkel of Borg! Darling apple of my eye, wanna assimilate moi!?
%%
I am very flexible--I can put both feet in my mouth.
%%
I am Victor of Borge.  Prepare to be entertained.
%%
I am Victor of Borg(e)... Prepare to hear funny music.
%%
I am Vogon of Borg.  Resistance is futile AND useless!
%%
I am waiting for my winning Lotto ticket.
%%
I am wealthy in my friends.
 -- Shakespeare
%%
I am whatever was, or is, or will be; and my veil no mortal ever took up.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Isis and Osiris
%%
I am what I am and that's all that I am.
%%
I am willing to love all mankind, except an American
 -- Samuel Johnson, in Boswell's "Life"
%%
I am woman!  Hear me whine!
%%
I am woman!  I am invincible!  I am pooped!
%%
I am Wowbagger of Borg.The universe will be assimilated.Alphabetically
%%
I am writing to the welfare department to say that my
 baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
%%
I am Yogi Bear's Greatest Fan!
%%
I am your density.
 -- George McFly in Back to the Future
%%
I am your father's brother's nephue's cousin's former roomate!
%%
I am your king, and you'd better do what I say or else I can't be king anymore.
 -- B. Kliban
%%
I am Zorkon, this is my brother Zenon, and this is my other brother Zenon.
%%
I am Zsa Zsa of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling.
%%
IAND: Illogical AND
%%
Ian:[ No ice, I'm afraid.]
Barbara: Oh, there's some in the fridge.
 -- The Romans
%%
I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles.
%%
I appeal unto Caesar.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xxv, 11
%%
I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of
the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for
you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
 -- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
              University of Tennessee at Knoxville
%%
I argue very well.   Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent.  People know this, and
steer clear of me at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great respect,
they don't even invite me.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
IAR: Ignore All Requests
%%
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to
improved the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This
makes it hard to plan the day.
%%
I arose a mother in Israel.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, 7
%%
I asked for an audience with the President but only got to meet Bill.
%%
I asked him if he was really abducted, he said no, he came willingly.
%%
I asked my doctor if I should have a vasectomy. He said leave a sleeping
 dog lie. The last time I had sex my self-winding watch stopped.
 -- Lenny Rush
%%
I asked my local vicar about The Church
And he offered to take me to Jesus
I also asked him about Faith No More
And he still offered to take me to Jesus
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
I asked my mother for a mind of my own, but she said no.
%%
I asked Police Missing Persons about The Who
And they looked at me as if talking nonsense
I tried the gun shop for Guns N Roses
And they asked if I had a license
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
I asked this guy if he had the time. He said he'd love to give it to me,
 but he wasn't sure he could make the commitment.
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
I asked you not to have a spaz attack in tx.general, BUT NOOOOO!!!!
 -- Karl, via John Belushi
%%
I aske not labored letters which should weare
Long papers out: nor letters which should feare
Dishonest carriage: or a seer's art:
Nor such as from the brayne come, but the hart.
 -- John Donne
%%
"I ask for your support for our brave men fighting tonight halfway around the
 world, not for territory, not for glory, but that their younger brothers and
 their sons and your sons can have a chance to grow up in a world of peace and
 freedom, and justice."
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon, April 30, 1970
%%
I ask only one thing.  I'm understanding.  I'm mature.  And it isn't much to
ask.  I want to get back to London, and track her down, and be alone with my
Selina -- or not even alone, damn it, merely close to her, close enough to
smell her skin, to see the flecked webbing of her lemony eyes, the moulding
of her artful lips.  Just for a few precious seconds.  Just long enough to
put in one good, clean punch.  That's all I ask.
 -- Martin Amis, Money
%%
I ask, sir, what is the militia?  It is the whole people, except
for a few public officials.
 -- George Mason
%%
I ask you men...what are you so afraid of? If I am equal to you in
power, does that diminish you?
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Starting from Scratch: A Different Kind of Writer's Manual
%%
I assisted at the birth of that most significant word "flirtation,"
which dropped from the most beautiful mouth in the world.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- The World, No. 101
%%
I assumed you needed help. I see I am in error.
 -- Spock
%%
I assure you, I intended no deception.
Of course not.
You doubt my good faith?
Let's just say my faith would be strengthened by a gesture from you. Such
  as powering down your disruptors.
 -- Tomalak and Picard, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
I ate Hostess fruit pies all day--I got so fat my picture would fall off
 the wall.
 -- Bruce Smirnoff
%%
I attempt to do the impossible--change my personality for the better.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I attend Cedarupanz Flying School, Deadwood, MD.
%%
I attribute my old age to having lived a long time. Most people who do this
 are older than those who do not.
%%
I awoke from the same dream realizing that I had subconsciously gained
kowledge of a deductive technique involving mind-body coordination operating
hand in hand with the deepest level of intuition.
 -- Dale Cooper
%%
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Memoranda from his Life, by Moore, Chap, xiv
%%
I backed up my hard drive and it fell behind the desk!
%%
I backed up my hard drive and smashed into a bus.
%%
I bank at a women's bank. It's closed three or four days a month due to
 cramps.
 -- Judy Carter
%%
I bar-b-cued Captain Crunch! Am I now a cereal griller?
%%
I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
 -- Gilda Radner
%%
I BBS because no one can read my handwriting
%%
I bear a charmed life.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 8
%%
I Beat Bobby Fischer: Jess Player
%%
I beat Gaggle-max!
%%
I became a masculinist as an alternative to becoming a masochist.
%%
I became a policeman because I wanted to be in a business where the customer is
always wrong.
%%
I been bad.  I been good.  Dallas, Texas.  Hollywood.
 I ain't askin' for much.  I say "Lord, take me downtown,
 I'm just lookin' for some touch."
%%
I been drivin' all night, my hands wet on the wheel...
%%
I been hipmotized!!
%%
I before E except after C.  What a weird society!
%%
I before E except after lunch ...
%%
I begin to smell a rat.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. x
%%
"I beg your pardon?" said Alice.
"It isn't respectable to beg," said the King.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has
 income and she is pattable.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
I believe and I say it is true Democratic feeling, that all the measures
of the Government are directed to the purpose of making the rich
richer and the poor poorer.
 -- William Henry Harrison
%%
I believe he would make three bites of a cherry.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xxviii
%%
I believe I found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It is
 us.
 -- Konrad Lorenz
%%
I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever.  All I need to know is
that a man is a member of the human race.  That's bad enough for me.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
I believe I have seen the Overseer. He is called the Picard.
 -- Liko, "Who Watches the Watchers", stardate 43173.5
%%
"I believe in 8 of the 10 commandments"
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I believe in a God which doesn't need heavy financing.
 -- Fletch
%%
I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute --
where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic)
how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom
to vote--where no church or church school is granted any public funds or
political preference--and where no man is denied public office merely
because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the
people who might elect him.
 -- from John F. Kennedy's address
 -- to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association, September 12, 1960.
%%
I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church
 every Sunday unless there's a game on.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No
 matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to
 them."
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton
%%
I believe in god, I just don't like him.
%%
I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
I believe in grumbling; it is the politest form of fighting known.
%%
I believe in heaven and hell- on earth.
 -- Abraham L. Feinberg
%%
I believe in instinct, not in reason. When reason is right, nine times out of
ten it is impotent, and when it prevails, nine times out of ten it is wrong.
 -- A. C. Benson
%%
I believe in living life one doldrum at a time.
 -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")
%%
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
 -- Garrison Keillor
%%
I believe in L. Ron "Mother" Hubbard.
%%
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's
 children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I believe in peace and bashing two bricks together.
%%
I believe in practicing prudence every 2 or 3 years.
%%
I believe in reincarnation. I've had other lives. I know. I have clues.
 First of all, I'm exhausted.
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
I believe in the death penalty for terrorists. Not only that, I believe in
 execution with humiliation. As this guy is frying in the electric chair, we
 crack two eggs on top of his head. A future deterrent for the crime, and
 food for thought.
 -- Peter Fogel
%%
I believe in the Divine Rights of Sysops.
%%
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's
 neck. Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she
 is one of the ways. In marriage a man must give up many of his old and
 pleasant habits, even if it means giving up the woman he married. Always
 have a woman sign a prenuptial agreement that if she leaves your bed and
 board, she takes off with as little as possible. Marry an outdoors woman.
 Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still
 survive. Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of.
 Never trust your wife behind your back, even if she claims she only wants
 to wash or scratch it. An ideal start for matrimony would be to have a
 drunken rabbi perform a Catholic ceremony in an Episcopalian church. Then
 it could be declared illegal in the courts.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
I believe in Whirled Peas...
%%
I believe in world peace ... as a last resort.
%%
I believe it is an established maxim in morals that he who makes an
assertion without knowing whether it is true or false is guilty of
falsehood, and the accidental truth of the assertion does not justify or
excuse him.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is
 largely a waste of time.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just
 as dumb as the next guy.
 -- Richard Feynman
%%
I believe that genius is an infinite capacity
for taking life by the scruff of the neck.
 -- Christopher Quill
%%
I believe that God puts us in this jolly world to be happy
and enjoy life
 -- Lord Baden-Powell
%%
I believe that if people would learn to use LSD's vision-inducing capability
more wisely, under suitable conditions, in medical practice and in conjution
with meditation, then in the future this problem child could become a wonder
child.
 -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
%%
I believe that in actual fact, philosophy ranks before and above
the natural sciences.
 -- Thomas Mann
%%
I believe that in the end the truth will conquer.
 -- John Wycliffe
%%
I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe
it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better
to know than to be ignorant.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
I believe that it should be perfectly lawful to print even things that
outrage the pruderies and prejudices of the general, so long as any
honest minority, however small, wants to read them.  The remedy of
the majority is not prohibition, but avoidance.
 -- H.L. Mencken, "Baltimore Evening Sun", March 31, 1924
%%
I believe that man will not endure; he will prevail.
 -- William Faulkner
%%
I believe that part of what propels science is the thirst for wonder.  It's a
very powerful emotion.  All children feel it.  In a first grade classroom
everybody feels it; in a twelfth grade classroom almost nobody feels it, or
at least acknowledges it.  Something happens between first and twelfth grade,
and it's not just puberty.  Not only do the schools and the media not teach
much skepticism, there is also little encouragement of this stirring sense
of wonder.  Science and pseudoscience both arouse that feeling.  Poor
popularizations of science establish an ecological niche for pseudoscience.
 -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer,
 -- Vol. 12, Fall 87
%%
I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
 -- Nancy Reagan
%%
I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in
 the world is fixed.
 -- Frank Deford
%%
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country
 what it once was...an arctic wilderness.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I believe that silence is golden.
(Edmund opens mouth to speak)..............(closes it again)......
  ......(clears throat)..Aaahhiinheritance.
 -- Lady Whiteadder and Edmund : Beer
%%
I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in
reality.
 -- Martin Luther King
%%
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the rights of the
people by the gradual & silent encroachments of those in power than by violent
and sudden usurpations."
 -- James Madison, Virginia Conv. 1788
%%
I believe there is a higher power: it's called Canada.
%%
I believe there is a limit beyond which free speech cannot go, but it's a
limit that's very seldom mentioned.  It's the point where free speech
begins to collide with the right to privacy.  I don't think there are any
other conditions to free speech.  I've got a right to say and believe
anything I please, but I haven't got a right to press it on anybody else.
.... Nobody's got a right to be a nuisance to his neighbors.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
I believe the use of noise to make music will increase until we reach a
 music produced through the aid of electrical instruments which will make
 available for musical purposes any and all sounds that can be heard.
 -- composer John Cage, 1937
%%
I believe the word you're looking for is 'AAAUUGHHH'.
%%
I believe they talked of me, for they laughed consumedly.
 -- George Farquhar (1678-1707)
 -- The Beaux' Stratagem, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I believe this government cannot endure permanently half slave and half free.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
 -- Speech, June 16, 1858
%%
I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what makes me
 more of a selective human being than someone who doesn't believe anything.
 -- David St. Hubbins
%%
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy - but that could change.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I believe what you want is right here with you.
%%
I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal, high enough so you can
 look up her dress.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married,
 they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for
 me.
 -- Dick Martin
%%
I be nibble, you be quick, he jumped over the Joystick.
%%
"I beseech John Byrne that when The Star Brand
 obliterates Pittsburgh, that he spare the
 Captain's Table in the Pittsburgh airport, which
 serves a steak on toasted garlic bread with
 Bearnaise sauce that is second to none..."
 -- Dave Sim
%%
I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair,
 you still hit those brakes!  Hey, better try the emergency brake!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to
 be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the
 sun be blotted out from the sky."  Just then the eclipse would start, and
 they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about
 the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I bet for an Indian, shooting a old fat pioneer woman in the back
with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls
over, is like the top thing you can do.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I bet if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egypt, on thing you would
constantly find yourself telling people would be, "Be sure, before
I start, you have all the jewelry and so forth on the body, because
I am NOT unwrapping him later."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old
 Yeller, stay in the cellar."
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is
 the story of Popeye.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I bet Patch drinks Carling Black Label!
%%
I better be going.  I have to get up sometime tomorrow.
 -- Jim from Taxi
%%
I better put on my patented Stuponitron helmet.
%%
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they
 don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when
 somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN
 TO YOURSELF!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I bet they've redesigned the whole sickbay too.  I know engineers -
   they just *love* to change things!
 -- McCoy,  "The Motion Picture,"  stardate 7411.4.
%%
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end
 up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows."  Then they would all get
 embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and
 they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
%%
I bid him look into the lives of men as though into a mirror, and
from others to take an example for himself.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Adelphoe, Act iii, Sc. 3, 61, (415.)
%%
IB: Insert Bug
%%
I bite harder ...
%%
I blame Society! Society made me what I am!"
%%
I blame the Programmer myself !!
%%
I blinked, therefore I ran.
%%
IBLU: Ignore Basic Laws of Universe
%%
IBM aren't the competition.  They're the environment.
%%
IBMBECILE
%%
IBM - bringing you yesterday's technology tomorrow..
%%
IBM compatible - IBM contemptible.
%%
IBM-Compatible - Not fully IBM-compatible.
%%
IBM: Computers for those too tense to relax!
%%
:IBM discount: n. A price increase.  Outside IBM, this derives from
   the common perception that IBM products are generally overpriced
   (see {clone}); inside, it is said to spring from a belief that
   large numbers of IBM employees living in an area cause prices to
   rise.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS:
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
 -- The Great Quux June 1973
%%
IBM: I Blame Mathematics
%%
IBM: I Blame Microsoft.
%%
:IBM: /I-B-M/ Inferior But Marketable; It's Better Manually;
   Insidious Black Magic; It's Been Malfunctioning; Incontinent Bowel
   Movement; and a near-{infinite} number of even less complimentary
   expansions, including `International Business Machines'.  See
   {TLA}.  These abbreviations illustrate the considerable
   antipathy most hackers have long felt toward the `industry leader'
   (see {fear and loathing}).

   What galls hackers about most IBM machines above the PC level isn't
   so much that they are underpowered and overpriced (though that does
   count against them), but that the designs are incredibly archaic,
   {crufty}, and {elephantine} ... and you can't *fix* them
 -- -- source code is locked up tight, and programming tools are
   expensive, hard to find, and bletcherous to use once you've found
   them.  With the release of the UNIX-based RIOS family this may have
   begun to change --- but then, we thought that when the PC-RT came
   out, too.

   In the spirit of universal peace and brotherhood, this lexicon now
   includes a number of entries attributed to `IBM'; these derive from
   some rampantly unofficial jargon lists circulated within IBM's own
   beleaguered hacker underground.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
IBM: I Breaks Monthly
%%
IBM: I Bring Madness
%%
IBM: I Bring Manuals
%%
IBM: I Broke Mine
%%
IBM: I Built Mine
%%
IBM: I Buy Macintosh.
%%
IBM: I Buy Mainframes.
%%
IBM: Ice Box Machines
%%
IBM: Ici Beaucoup Merde
%%
IBM: Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly
%%
IBM: Icons Bygones My Mom's
%%
IBM: I'd Be Misinforming
%%
IBM: Idealistically Backwards Microcomputers
%%
IBM: Ideas Bring Money
%%
IBM: Identical Blue Men.
%%
IBM: Idiotic Bit Masher.
%%
IBM: Idiots Became Managers
%%
IBM: Idiots Being Mental
%%
IBM: Idiots Built Me
%%
IBM: Idiots Buy Me
%%
IBM: Idle Brain Malfunction
%%
IBM: Ifs Buts Maybys
%%
IBM: Ignorant Buttfucking Morons.
%%
IBM: I'll Buy Macintosh
%%
IBM: Ill-mannered Besotten Macrocasm
%%
IBM: Ill'manners Being Mandatory
%%
IBM: Illustrious Bankruptcy Malenfactor
%%
IBM: Illustrious Busy Mice
%%
IBM: Imbecile Bad Micros
%%
IBM: I'm Being Manipulated
%%
IBM: I'm Beyond Mistakes
%%
IBM: I'm Buying Macintosh
%%
IBM: Imensa Bola De Manteca
%%
IBM: Imitable Boring Microcomputers
%%
IBM: Immeasurable Bigheaded Malapert
%%
IBM: Immense Bowel Movement.
%%
IBM: Immovable Brash Monolith
%%
IBM: Impeccably Blue-dressed Managers
%%
IBM: Imperial Bellicose Marauder
%%
IBM: Imperialist by Marketing
%%
IBM: Impersonal Bellicose Magnate
%%
IBM: Impious Bacchnalain Metropolis
%%
IBM: Inadequates Becoming Millionaires
%%
IBM: Inane Brutish Merchandising
%%
IBM: In Business (for) Money
%%
IBM: Incompatible Blue Machines
%%
IBM: Incompatible Business Machines.
%%
IBM: Inconsistent Business machines
%%
IBM: Incontinent Bandolerisimo Moloch
%%
IBM: Incontinent Bowel Movement.
%%
IBM: Increasingly Bad Manufacturing
%%
IBM: Increasingly Banal Movement
%%
IBM: Incredible Bowel Movement
%%
IBM: Incredibly Bad Merchandising
%%
IBM: Incredibly Ballsey Marketeers
%%
IBM: Incredibly Belligerent Merketing
%%
IBM: Incredibly Big Manufacturer
%%
IBM: Incredibly Big Monster
%%
IBM: Incredibly Bloody Minded
%%
IBM: Incredibly Boastful Mercenary
%%
IBM: Incredibly Boring Machine.
%%
IBM: Incredibly Boring Manuals
%%
IBM: Incredibly Botched Machines
%%
IBM: Incredibly Broad Monolopy
%%
IBM: Incredibly Bullying Menace
%%
IBM: Increment and Branch to Muncee
%%
IBM: Indecision Breeds Mistakes
%%
IBM: Indecorous Big-named Medusoid
%%
IBM: Indigestion Bothers Me
%%
IBM: Industry Bowel Movement
%%
IBM: Industry's Biggest Mistake
%%
IBM: Industry's Bulging Monolith
%%
IBM: Inept Bulling Menace
%%
IBM: Inertia Breeds Mediocrity
%%
IBM: Inevitably Bad Marketing
%%
IBM: Inferior Before Macintosh
%%
IBM: Inferior But Marketable
%%
IBM: Infernal Biggest Mistake
%%
IBM: Infernal Bloody Monopoly.
%%
IBM: Infernal Blue Machines
%%
IBM: Infinite Budget Merchandising
%%
IBM: Infinitely Baffling Motives
%%
IBM: Inherently Bad Manuals
%%
IBM: In London a frequent answer to the question
 'Where is the tourguide?' "I be 'im."
%%
IBM: Innovation By Management
%%
IBM: Insanely Better Marketing
%%
IBM: Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity
%%
IBM: Inshallah Burak Ma'lesh
%%
IBM: Insidious Byzantine Mentality
%%
IBM: Insignificant Bothersome Machine
%%
IBM: Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
%%
IBM: Insolent Bickering Mal-der-mer
%%
IBM: Install Bigger Memory
%%
IBM: Institute of Black Magic.
%%
IBM: Insulting Boorish Manner
%%
IBM: Insultingly Boring Microcomputers
%%
IBM: Intensely Boring Machines
%%
IBM: Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery
%%
IBM: Intercourse Beats Masturbation
%%
IBM: Interesting But Mediocre
%%
IBM: Interesting But Mundane
%%
IBM: Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake
%%
IBM: Internal Beaurocratic Mess.
%%
IBM: Internals By Mediocrity
%%
IBM: International Bit Mangler
%%
IBM: International Bowel Movement
%%
IBM: International Brotherhood of Magicians.
%%
IBM: Intersmashable Byte manipulators
%%
IBM: Into Building Money
%%
IBM: Intolerant of Beards and Mustaches.
%%
IBM: Intriguingly Blue Motif
%%
IBM: Invented By Maladroits
%%
IBM: Invented By Marketing
%%
IBM: Invented By Murphy
%%
IBM: Irresponsibility Behaved Multinational
%%
IBM is 99.8% compatible...With Compaq 386 Pro
%%
IBM is not a necessary evil.  IBM is not necessary.
%%
IBM: It Barely Moves.
%%
IBM: It Broke Be
%%
IBM: It'll Be Messy.
%%
IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive.
%%
IBM: It's Backwards, Man.
%%
IBM: It's Become Monolithic
%%
IBM: It's Been Malfunctioning
%%
IBM: It's Being Mended..
%%
IBM: It's Better Manually
%%
IBM: It's Better 'morrow
%%
IBM: It's Beyond Monolithic
%%
IBM: It's Broke Ma'am
%%
IBM: It's Bugging Me
%%
IBM: It's Bullshit Mommery
%%
IBM: Itty Bitty Machines
%%
IBM: Itty Bitty Maharishi
%%
IBM: Itty Bitty Mentality
%%
IBM: Itty Bitty Morons.
%%
IBM: Itty Bitty Mouse
%%
IBM: I've Become Magnanimous
%%
IBM: I've Been Mangled
%%
IBM: I've Been Mauled
%%
IBM: I've Been Mesmerized
%%
IBM: I've Been Misled
%%
IBM: I've Been Moved.
%%
IBM: I've Been Mugged.
%%
IBM manuals are written by little old ladies in Poughkeepie who are
instructed to say nothing specific.
%%
IBM Manual: The following is a heretofore undocumented feature.
English Translation: It's a bug, it's our fault, and there isn't a damn
thing you can do about it.
%%
IBMPOTENT
%%
IBM PS/1 - A Prodigy Workstation !
%%
IBM PS/1 - The EDLIN of Computers!
%%
IBM:
 Standards proposing organization. IBM develops hardware architectures,
 and builds slow underpowered prototypes for other companies to improve
 upon. See Clone.
%%
IBM: The stupidity goes in when the name goes on.
%%
IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-ground technique'
 to destroy the competition..... IBM digs a big HOLE in the
 ground and covers it with leaves. It then puts a big POT
 OF GOLD nearby. Then it gives the call, 'Hey, look at all
 this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the competitor
 approaches the pot, he falls into the pit
 -- John C Dvorak
%%
IBM virus scan: Amiga found - delete? (Y/y).
%%
IBM: When you care enough to spend the very most.
%%
I BM, You BM, They BM, We all BM for IBM.
%%
IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more
%%
I BOOTED my computer. Broke my toe!
%%
I bought a battery holder, it's called a diskman.
%%
I bought a blank tape at the stereo store, and came home and put
it on my stereo.  A few minutes later there's a knock at my door.
It's a neighbor complaining.  He's a mime.
(I didn't REALLY hear him knock!)
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought a cassette tape on how to be successful. It was one of those
 subliminal tapes, a motivational cassette. It was $19.95 and it kept
 saying, "Don't ask for your money back, don't ask for your money back." I
 exchanged it for one on how to be more assertive. Then I went back and
 threw it through the store window. The store owner came out. He had been
 listening to a motivational tape on how to commit murder. If he hadn't been
 listening at slow speed I would never have been able to dodge the bullets.
 -- Ron Smith
%%
I bought a computer to save time ..
%%
I bought a cordless extension cord.
%%
I bought a few more though and I will enter some from them as I read.
%%
I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road.  I don't know how I got there.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought a million lottery tickets.  I won a dollar.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I'm gonna find a tractor that
 small.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought an exercise bicycle two years ago. It has an eighth of a mile on
 it. See, what happened is, I discovered that the handlebars fit my sport
 jacket perfectly. And there's a place for my beer and McDonald's right
 under it ... the most expensive coat hanger in New York.
 -- Robert Klein
%%
I bought an internal modem, but I can't swallow it.
%%
I bought a portable cable tv.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish.  I turned it on and went to
 sleep; the record got stuck.  The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought Jane Fonda's exercise book. I use it as a snack tray.
%%
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas.  I took it to the Gift Wrap
 department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know
 when to stop unwrapping.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought my grandmother a Seeing Eye dog. But he's a little sadistic. He
 does impressions of cars screeching to a halt.
 -- Larry Amoros
%%
I bought myself a new car and the first thing I done was grease it all
 over--so the finance company can't get a hold of it.
 -- Rod Brasfield
%%
I bought some land that was kind of cheap.  It was on someone else's property.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I bought the latest computer;
it came fully loaded.
It was guaranteed for 90 days,
but in 30 was outmoded!
 -- The Wall Street Journal passed along by Big Red Computer's SCARLETT
%%
I bought this tagline with all of my lottery money.
%%
I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this
 little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front
 of your car. I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street
 with a herd of deer chasing me. Those were the days.
%%
IBP: Insert Bug and Proceed
%%
I brake for brick walls.
%%
I brake for chezlogs!
%%
I brake for hockey!
%%
I brake for macro nerds...
%%
I brake for tailgaters.
%%
I brake for Unicorns.
%%
I braved the contempt of my friends last week and ventured out to see
"Bambi", the Disney rerelease that is proving to be a hit once again in the
box office. I was looking forward to a gentle, soothing, late afternoon
relief from the Washington Summer. Instead I was traumatized. As a
psycho-sexual return to the horrors of early adolescence, it couldn't be
more effective. For the first half-hour, you're lulled into an agreeable
sense of security and comfort. Birds twitter; small rabbits turn out to be
great conversationalists. Pop is what Senator Moynihan would describe as an
absent father, but Mom's there to make you feel OK in the odd thunderstorm.
You make great friends, fool around on the ice, discover the meadow,
generally mellow out. Then, without any particular warning, your mom gets
shot, your voice breaks, huge growths start appearing on your head, and
your peers start heading off into the clover with the apparent intention of
having sex. Next thing you know, the forest burns down. If I were still
eight, I think I'd prefer _Rambo III_."
 -- Townsend Davis
%%
I brew the beer that I drink.
%%
IBR: Insert Bugs at Random
%%
I broke a leg one time, spilt coffee all over...
%%
"I broke a mirror in my house.  I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck,
but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I broke my arm trying to fold a bed.  It wasn't the kind that folds.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I broke my arm trying to hold open a revolving door for a girl.
%%
I broke my Window and saw OS/2.
%%
I broke up with my psychiatrist. I told him I had suicidal tendencies. He
 told me from now on I had to pay in advance.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane.  I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I brought my BOWLING BALL - and some DRUGS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I brought my wife with me to Las Vegas. You know how you pack a lot of
 things you don't need.
 -- Dave Barry (stand-up comic of the 1960s)
%%
I built my soul a lordly pleasure-house,
  Wherein at ease for aye to dwell.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Palace of Art
%%
I built this cruise missile to stop those kids from playing ZZ Top.
%%
I burned the bacon. Do I still get my cooking merit badge?
%%
I burn to set the imprison'd wranglers free,
And give them voice and utterance once again.
Now stir the fire, and close the shutters fast,
Let fall the curtains, wheel the sofa round,
And while the bubbling and loud-hissing urn
Throws up a steamy column, and the cups
That cheer but not inebriate
So let us welcome peaceful evening in.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 34
%%
I call a complete and generous education that which fits a man to
perform justly, skillfully, and magnanimously all the offices, both
public and private, of peace and war.
 -- John Milton
%%
I call a fig a fig, a spade a spade.
 Menander (292 BC)
%%
I call a wrong number. A guy on the other end says, "Well, what number did
 you dial?" "Well, did it ring at your house? Then I guess it's yours, Mr.
 Wizard!"
 -- Larry Reeb
%%
I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the *one* great intrinsic
depravity, the *one* great instinct for revenge for which no expedient
is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, *petty*      -- I call it
the *one* mortal blemish of mankind.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
I called the New World into existence to redress the balance of the Old.
 -- George Canning (1770-1827)
 -- The King's Message, Dec. 12, 1826
%%
I call my computer "Hole in the Desk"
%%
I call my girlfriend BASEBALL...She won't play without a diamond.
%%
I Call My Horse Flattery Because He Gets Me Nowhere.
%%
I call that a scumhead.
 -- James Joyce
 -- Finnegans Wake
%%
I call them as I see them.  If I can't see them, I make them up.
 -- Biff Barf
%%
I call things as I see them; If I don't see them, I dish out the BS.
%%
I came down from Jacksonville on a train that was the slowest train I'd
 ever been on. I said to the conductor, "Can't you run any faster?" He said,
 "Yeah, but I gotta stay on the train."

 A woman ran up to the conductor and said, "Stop the train. I have to get to
 the maternity hospital." He said, "You had no business getting on the train
 in that condition." She said, "I didn't."
 -- Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)
%%
I came from a poor family. We never had meat at our house. And whenever I
 would go by a butcher's window I thought there had been a terrible
 accident.
 -- Jack Paar
%%
"I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...
 ...and I'm all out of bubble gum."
 -- From THEY LIVE!
%%
   I came here to say that I do not recognize anyone's right to one
minute of my life.  Nor to any part of my energy.  Nor to any
achievement of mine.  No matter who makes the claim, how large their
number or how great their need.
   I wished to come here and say that I am a man who does not exist
for others.
 -- Howard Roark
%%
I came in late, but don't worry. I'll leave early to make up for it.
%%
I came. I saw. I charged it.
%%
I came, I saw, I confused.
%%
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
%%
I came, I saw, I had no idea what was going on, so I left!
%%
I came, I saw, I left.
%%
I came, I saw, ......I ordered another drink!
%%
I came, I saw, I screwed up.
%%
I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES!
%%
I came, I saw, I went back into the house.
%%
I came, I saw, she conquered.
%%
I came to a movie theater. The marquee just read: "Dyslexia: Movie The."
 -- Tommy Sledge
%%
     "I came to Berkeley," said Ray, "I saw Kathy and Karen, and I had lunch
with them."
     "Oh, NO!"       I cried with the sudden inspiration that wouldn't wait.
"Veni, vidi, lunchi!  I CAME, I SAW, I LUNCHED!!"
%%
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
%%
I came to see you off, and you certainly are!
%%
I came up stairs into the world, for I was born in a cellar.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- Love for Love, Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
I came up with a new Politically Correct term,
   Religiously Impaired
Unfortunately, I don't know if it applies to atheists or fundamentalists.
%%
I can add, test, and branch; therefore I am.
%%
I can also withstand considerably more G-force than most people,
   even though I do say so myself.
 -- Third Doctor, AMBASSADORS OF DEATH
%%
I can assure you that size will not be a problem.
 -- Worf
%%
I can be convinced of ANYthing. With logic.
%%
I can be expected to look for truth but not to find it.
 -- French philosopher Denis Diderot
%%
I Can Bitch, I Voted, Can You?
%%
I can compare our rich misers to nothing so fitly as to a whale;
that plays and tumbles, driving the poor fry before him, and at last
devours them all at a mouthful.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
I can count even higher if I take my shoes off.
%%
        "I can do a score of things that can't be done.  I can find a
thing I cannot see, and see a thing I cannot find.  The first is time,
and the second is spots before my eyes.  I can touch a thing I cannot
feel, and feel a thing I cannot touch.    The first is your heart, and
the second is sad and sorry."
 -- James Thurber (1894-1961), "The Thirteen Clocks"
%%
I can do it all for you / But I don't want to.
%%
I can do two things at once & I'm not confused.
%%
I can eat that taco with 6 squirts of hot sauce.
%%
I can endure my own despair but not another's hope.
 -- William Walsh, Song
%%
I can enjoy her while she 's kind;
But when she dances in the wind,
And shakes the wings and will not stay,
I puff the prostitute away.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Imitation of Horace, Book iii, Ode 29, Line 81
%%
I can feel for her because, although I have never been an Alaskan
prostitute dancing on the bar in a spangled dress, I still get very
bored with washing and ironing and dishwashing and cooking day after
relentless day.
 -- Betty MacDonald
%%
I can find my ears, but I have to look.
%%
I Can Fix It: Jerry Rigg
%%
"I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a
fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize."
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse; borrowing
only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable.
%%
I can give her attention, Doctor, but I am incapable of giving her love.
Now why do I find that so hard to believe?
 -- Data and Dr. Crusher, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
I can give you a definite perhaps.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
I can give you a sentence with the word horticulture.   You
 can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
I can give you a sentence with the word punctilious.   There's
 a farmer with two daughters, Lizzie and Tillie.  Lizzie is
 all right, but you have no idea how punctilious.
 -- Another member of the Algonquin Round Table
%%
"I can give you my word, but I know what it's
 worth and you don't."
 -- Nero Wolfe, "Over My Dead Body"
%%
I can handle pain until it hurts.
%%
"I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle it's
 much too confining."
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
I can hardly bear to watch.
%%
I can hardly keep me eyes open.
 -- Liz, Spearhead from Space
%%
I can hardly wait for immortality to come back into style.
%%
I can hardly wait to see a sax player tune the economy...
%%
I can help; my fees are reasonable.
%%
I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that
have had a difficult time.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing workers at
               an Ohio steel plant,1988
%%
I can jump black holes.
 -- Stephen Hawking
%%
I can jump dictionareys.
 -- Dan Quayle
%%
I can jump spreadsheets.
 -- Bill Gates
%%
I can keep a secret.  It's the people I tell that can't.
%%
I can lick my weight in wildflowers.
%%
I can live for two hours on a good hamburger.
%%
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
I can look sharp as well as another, and let me alone to keep the
cobwebs out of my eyes.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
I can multi-task.....I read in the bathroom!
%%
I canna change the laws of physics, Captain, but I can
find ye a loophole.
%%
I can name all ten of the Seven Dwarves!
%%
I can name that file in TWO bytes!
%%
I can neither confirm nor deny knowledge of that subject.
%%
I can never make up my mind if I'm happy being a flute player, or if I
wish I were Eric Clapton.
 -- Ian Anderson
%%
I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration, communist
indoctrination, communist subversion and the international communist
conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!
 -- Col. Jack Ripper, _Dr._Strangelove_
%%
I cannot affirm God if I fail to affirm man. Therefore, I affirm both.
Without a belief in human unity I am hungry and incomplete. Human unity
is the fulfillment of diversity. It is the harmony of opposites. It is
a many-stranded texture, with color and depth.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
I cannot afford to waste my time making money.
 -- (Jean) Louis (Rodolphe) Agassiz (1807-1873),
 -- Swiss-born, American naturalist
 -- Letter refusing lecture course offer
%%
I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
 -- Lillian Hellman
%%
I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
I cannot believe it. She drags me all the way from Billingsgate to
  Richmond to play about the weakest practical joke since Cardinal
  Wolsey got his knob out at Hampton Court...and stood at the end of
  passage pretending to be a door.
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
I cannot but remember such things were,
That were most precious to me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate
of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour ...
 -- F. H. Wales (1936)
%%
I cannot convince myself that there is anyone so wise, so universally
comprehensive in his judgment, that he can be trusted with the power to
tell others:  'You shall not express yourself thus, you shall not
describe your own experiences; or depict the fantasies which your mind
has created; or laugh at what others set up as respectable; or question
old beliefs; or contradict the dogmas of the church, of our society, our
economic systems, and our political orthodoxy.'
 -- Jake Zeitlin
%%
I cannot draw a cart, nor eat wild oats; if it be a man's work I will do it.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
I cannot eat but little meat,
  My stomach is not good;
But sure I think that I can drink
  With him that wears a hood.
 -- Bishop Still (John) (1543-1607)
 -- Gammer Gurton's Needle, Act ii
%%
I cannot give any scientist of any age better advice than this: the
 intensity of a conviction that a hypothesis is true has no bearing over
 whether it is true or not.
 -- Peter Medawar
%%
I cannot here avoid giving my most decided sufferage in favour of the
moral qualities of maniacs.  I have no where met, excepting in
romances, with fonder husbands, more affectionate parents, more
impassioned ... than in the lunatic asylum, during their intervals of
calmness and reason.
 -- Philippe Pinel, 'Treatise on Insanity' 1801
%%
I cannot live without books.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
I cannot overemphasize the importance of good grammar.

What a crock.  I could easily overemphasize the importance of good
grammar.  For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause
of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the
United States would have lost World War II.
 -- Dave Barry, An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar
%%
I cannot perform that action for you.
%%
I cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised and
unbreathed, that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but slinks
out of the race where that immortal garland is to be run for, not
without dust and heat.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Areopagitica
%%
 "I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frodo in a quavering
voice.
 "No," Said Gandalf, "but I can.  The letters are Elvish, of
course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which
I will not utter here.  They are lines of a verse long known in
Elven-lore:
 "This Ring, no other, is made by the elves,
 Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
 Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop,
 This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
 The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring.
 The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
 If broken or busted, it cannot be remade.
 If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)."
%%
I cannot rely on your primitive technology. Kill the patient.
 -- Anya to Dr. Pulaski, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
I cannot remember a time when I did not take it as understood
that everybody has at least two, if not twenty-two, sides to him.
 -- Robertson Davies from Fifth Business
%%
I can not say that I don't disagree with you.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can
say is they must change if they are to get better.
 -- G. C. Lichtenberg
%%
I cannot talk with civet in the room,
A fine puss-gentleman that 's all perfume.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 283
%%
I cannot tell what the dickens his name is.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I cannot work 300 hours a week.

There are only 168 hours in a week.
Not only does your planning suffer
from negative pressure gradients,
but so does your math.
 -- Dan to management at 2 AM
%%
I can only tell you that I sincerely wish that I didn't know now what I
 didn't know then.
%%
I can pet animals by the mouthful.
%%
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.  And I can
 picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
"I can prove that if there is life anywhere else in the world,
they will have a Marxist economy."
 -- Woody Allen, "Stardust Memories"
%%
I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to!
%%
I can read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First I read the
 beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and
 read toward whichever end I like best.
 -- Gracie Allenacie Allen
%%
I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
%%
I can relate to that.
%%
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.  Mom said, "Steven, time to
 go to sleep."  I said, "But I don't know how."  She said, "It's real easy.
 Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left."  So I went down to the end
 of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right.  My mother was there, and
 she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and
25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be
true.
 -- Harry Truman
%%
I can remember when nostalgia was worthwhile.
%%
I can remember when the doctor said that sleep was a good cure for whatever
 it was that ailed us. Now, we find that too much sleep is harmful.
%%
"I can repeat poetry as well as other folk if it comes to that--"
"Oh, it needn't come to that!" Alice hastily said.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
I can say 'Saskatchewan' without starting to stutter.
 --  The Proclaimers
%%
I can say with confidence I know a fair bit about LSD.
 -- Dan Rather
%%
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
%%
I can seek clearly now, doublespace is gone...
%%
I can see light through the slits but the passage is blocked.
%%
I can see more on my knees than on my tiptoes
%%
"I can see stopping a car for a dog.  But a cat?
 You squish a cat and go on.  I think we're overcomplicating life."
 -- Iowa Democratic State Senator James Gallagher
%%
I can see the hate that was there; I can see the bigotry. I can see
it from his perspective.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing his impressions
                   of "The Autobiography of Malcolm X."
                   (The Wall Street Journal, 6/8/92 - taken from
                    The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
I can see the time when every city will have one.
 -- An American mayor's reaction to the
           news of the invention of the telephone
%%
I can see where your daughter gets her ready wit...
I thank you.
...although where she gets her good looks and charm is perhaps more
  of a mystery...
 -- Edmund and Mr Hardwood : Amy and Amiability
%%
I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the
 Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little bits of cheese?  They
 probably break down into their various gases before they even hit.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I can see your Schwartz is as big as mine.
%%
I can smell my nose hairs.
%%
I can stand anything but a succession of ordinary days
%%
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a
 fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his.  Then he'd spin it round and
 round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out,
 "Tadpoles!  Tadpoles is a winner!"  We all thought he was crazy.  But then, we
 had some growing up to do.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I can take a noun and bend it.  Gimme a noun!
%%
I can talk about Weight Watchers with affection--even though I was on their
 casualty list. The thing I remember most about Weight Watchers was the
 weekly meetings ... Every week three hundred of the fattest people in the
 area would gather in one room and discuss their common problems--how to get
 out of the room.
 -- Totie Fields
%%
I can't always control what my mind thinks!
%%
I can't begin to describe how happy I am.
%%
I can't be humble -- it's just not honest.
%%
I can't be late--I just got here.
%%
I can't believe I actually own my own house. I'm looking at a house and
 it's two hundred grand. The realtor says, "It's got a great view." For two
 hundred grand I better open up the curtains and see breasts against the
 window.
 -- Garry Shandling
%%
"I can't believe it! You actually found a practical use for geometry."
 -- The Simpsons
%%
I can't believe I wrote that whole thing.
%%
I can't believe my computer's on fire.
%%
"I can't believe that Henry Kissinger actually said
`Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.' I loved
 Edie's comment: `The bombing of Vietnam shows what
 it takes for him to get it up!'"
 -- Jane Wagner
%%
I can't believe that of 100,000 sperm you were quickest.
%%
I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book!
%%
"I can't believe you haven't had sex in 200 years."
"204 if you count my marriage."
 -- Woody Allen, "Sleeper"
%%
I can't be out of money!  I still have some checks left!
%%
I can't be out of RAM; I still have hard disk space left!
%%
I can't be overdrawn, I still have more cheques!
%%
I can't be stupid, I completed third grade!
%%
I can't be wrong; my modem is error-correcting.
%%
 I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my
 brain.  Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings
 assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel
 stupid talking to people I don't remember.  I'd appreciate it if
 you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me
 something about myself.  Thanks.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 I can't come to the phone now, so...  Hey -- that's a nice phone
 you have there.  Hey sugar, you call this number often?  I bet
 you have answering machines bothering you all the time...  Yes
 indeedy.  Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can
 listen to some old recordings...  I might even play my beep for
 you.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
 I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come
 to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording
 this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to
 it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're
 listening to it...  I mean, like, wait, gosh.  This is so
 confusing.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the
 basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills.
 If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my
 handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you
 need after the tone.  If you're from the Department of the
 Treasury, please ignore this message.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
 -- Joe Walsh
%%
I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
I can't C with my AI closed.
%%
I can't decide between EDLIN and WordPerfect Six......
%%
I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
 -- Florence Henderson
%%
I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!
 I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I can't diet for medical reasons, it makes me HUNGRY!
%%
"I can't do anything to the death - doctor's orders."
 -- Woody Allen, "Love and death"
%%
I can't drive 55.
%%
I can't drive 55.
I'm looking forward to not being able to drive 65, either.
%%
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life.  The problem
is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
"I can tell a Moriarty when I see one.  This crime is from London,
not America."
 -- Sherlock Holmes, "The Valley of Fear"
%%
I can tell I'm getting older. I'm starting to use "old people" cliches. The
 other day I actually told someone I slept like a baby. Like I woke up
 hungry every two hours with a mess in my pants.
 -- Jack Gallagher
%%
I can tell where my own shoe pinches me; and you must not think, sir,
to catch old birds with chaff.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. v
%%
I can tell you in two words: im possible.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
I can tell you're really upset about this, Dave; I really think you should
 sit down, take a stress pill, and think about it.
 -- HAL 9000
%%
I can't face the world in the morning.
 I must have coffee before I can speak.
 -- Joseph Cotton in Shadow of a Doubt
%%
I can't get ACAD12 to work on my TRS-80...
%%
I can't get a relationship to last longer than it takes to tape their
 albums.
 -- Margaret Smith
%%
I can't get experience without a job. I can't get a job without experience.
 -- Johnny  
%%
I can't get no satisfaction.
 -- the glimmer twins
%%
I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but
I can give you a formula for failure: try to please
everybody all the time.
 -- Herbert Bayard Swope
%%
I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.
 -- the Wizard of Oz
%%
I CAN'T go to hell, they don't want me.
%%
I can't go to no stonin' today!
%%
I can't grow up--I'm too old
%%
I can't have a baby!
 -- Sam Beckett
%%
I can't hear what you're saying because of the noise of the celery I'm
chewing in my ears.
%%
I can't hear you over all this line noise!
%%
I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.
%%
I can't hear you, type louder.
%%
I can't help admiring you, at least until you put the gun down.
%%
I can't help being me...I was born this way.
%%
I can't help feeling a certain pride in the admiration of women.
I suspect that is one of my biggest failings.
 -- Jose Torres
%%
"I can't help feeling wary when I hear anything
 said about the masses. First you take their faces
 from 'em by calling 'em the masses and then you
 accuse 'em of not having any faces."
 -- J. B. Priestley (1733-1804)
%%
I can't help it if I'm lucky...
%%
I can't help it -- I'm a lawyer.
%%
I can't help it, it's my nature.
%%
I can't help showing my enthusiasm.
%%
I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to
 pleasure.
 -- John D. Rockefeller
%%
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have
  to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on
  their television screens.
 -- Dwight David Eisenhower (1890-1969)
%%
I can't imagine myself ever getting big enough to do two things: have a
 cartoon series about myself or wave from a float.
 -- Richard Lewis
%%
I can tolerate a little abstinence if the other person does it in
 moderation. Usually, it is a weak person who yields to the temptation of
 denying himself or herself the pleasure that is the abstainer.
%%
I can't over the hill, yet...I'm still climbing hard.
%%
I can't pretend a stranger is a long awaited friend.
%%
I can trace my s back 8 generations.
%%
I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
%%
I can't read anything. The light is too bad.
%%
I can't relax, 'cause I'm a Boinger!
 -- Steve Dallas (Bloom County)
%%
I can't remember if I used to know that.
%%
I can't remember which are mine and which are Jack Butler's...
%%
I can't resist (as the superconductor said).
%%
I can't say 'I love you' in less than a minute.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I can't say I've ever been lost, but I was bewildered
once for three days.
 -- Daniel Boone (1734-1820), attributed
%%
I can't seem to find time to procrastinate...
%%
I can't seem to to get all the pieces to fit. When the pieces come in
contact contact their shape is distorted by some power. Maybe some heat would
solve solve the problem.
%%
I Can't See The Difference: Sam Ting
%%
I can't see the forest for the clearcuts.....
%%
I can't see the point in the theatre. All that sex and violence.
  I get enough of that at home. Apart from the sex, of course.
 -- Baldrick : Sense and Senility
%%
I can't sing, but I can rhyme, give me a contract, anytime!
%%
I cant spell worth a dam.  I hope your going too tell me what to do?

Don't worry about how your articles look.  Remember it's the message
that counts, not the way it's presented.  Ignore the fact that sloppy
spelling in a purely written forum sends out the same silent messages that
soiled clothing would when addressing an audience.
 -- Brad Templeton, "Emily Postnews
Answers Your Questions on Netiquette"
%%
I can't stand burnt toast and I loathe bus stations.
 -- The Doctor
%%
I can't stand intolerant people.
 -- Tore Adolfson
%%
I can't stand it anymore and I don't even know what it is!
%%
I can't stand this proliferation of paperwork. It's useless to fight the
 forms, you've got to kill the people producing them.
 -- Vladimir Kabaidze, General Director of the Ivanovo Machine Building Works
%%
I can't stand working with these morons anymore...
rm -r /
%%
I can't stop my leg!!!
%%
I can't stop thinking like this.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I can't take your call right now, at the tone, hang up.
%%
I can't tell if I'm a kingpin or a pauper!
%%
I can't think about that.  It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of
 LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"I can't think of anything more relaxing than being locked
in a moving car with YOU for about 300 hours, little pal."
"That's really sweet, Sam.  I may weep openly."
 -- "Sam and Max", Freelance Police
%%
I can't think of anything that remotely fits the subject.
%%
I can't unclasp my hands.
%%
I can't understand it.  I can't even understand the people who can
 understand it.
 -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
%%
I can't understand it; induction always worked before...
%%
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he
 can easily buy one for a few dollars.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
I can't understand why everyone nowadays has such a low opinion of marital
 sex. The marriage experts apparently believe that nine out of ten married
 couples find it easier to get the kids to bed than to lure each other there
 ... Oddly enough, one never reads about an unmarried couple having any
 problems of sexual adjustment. Unlike Mr. and Mrs., who just can't seem to
 get the hang of it, the unmarried take to sex like ducks to water and
 unfailingly achieve perfect union in a star-spangled blaze of glory ...
 They exist in a rarefied stratosphere, unmarred by the little domestic
 difficulties that plague marriage. You never read of an unmarried couple
 running out of cigarettes or losing the car keys. And they never, never,
 never disagree about what time is bedtime. It always is.
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
I can turn off my modem. I can turn off my modem. I can t
%%
I can't use Windows 3.0: My wife killed my mouse.
%%
I can't use Windows.  My cat ate my mouse.
%%
I can't wait for 1994! Throw the liberals OUT of office!
%%
I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows.
%%
I can't wait to be arrested and go all the way to the witness stand. "Do you
 swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you, God?"
 "Yes, you're ugly. See that women in the jury? I'd really like to sleep with
 her. Should I keep going or are you going to ask me questions?"
%%
I can type 10% faster in the nude.
%%
I can type, but have truble speling.
%%
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
%%
I can wear my shirts as pants.
%%
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write
faster than anybody who can write better.
 -- A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)
%%
I can write it perfectly; I just don't understand it.
%%
I care not, Fortune, what you me deny:
You cannot rob me of free Nature's grace,
You cannot shut the windows of the sky
Through which Aurora shows her brightening face;
You cannot bar my constant feet to trace
The woods and lawns, by living stream, at eve:
Let health my nerves and finer fibres brace,
And I their toys to the great children leave:
Of fancy, reason, virtue, naught can me bereave.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Castle of Indolence, Canto ii, Stanza 3
%%
I carry a life size map of America in pocket. When people ask me where
I'm from,
I point to E - 5.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I carry a rabbit's foot in my pocket because it saves me lots of money ...
 Every time my wife sticks her hand in she thinks it's a mouse.
 -- "Senator" Ed Ford
%%
I carry the dust of a journey...
 -- ELP
%%
Icarus "Aaaaaahhhhhhhh....."
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Icarus was a soar loser.
%%
I cast a 'gate' spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force.
%%
I cast before the Moone.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 78
%%
I [] CATS! Especially for 1 hour at 350 with some veggies.
%%
I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxix, 13
%%
ICB: Interrupt, Crash and Burn
%%
:ICBM address: n. (Also `missile address') The form used to
   register a site with the USENET mapping project includes a blank
   for longitude and latitude, preferably to seconds-of-arc accuracy.
   This is actually used for generating geographically-correct maps of
   USENET links on a plotter; however, it has become traditional to
   refer to this as one's `ICBM address' or `missile address', and
   many people include it in their {sig block} with that name.
   (A real missile address would include target altitude.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ICBM = Start of the daily routine for an Eskimo.
%%
Icebox Surprise Pie.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
:ice: [coined by USENETter Tom Maddox, popularized by William
   Gibson's cyberpunk SF novels: a contrived acronym for `Intrusion
   Countermeasure Electronics'] Security software (in Gibson's novels,
   software that responds to intrusion by attempting to literally kill
   the intruder).  Also, `icebreaker': a program designed for
   cracking security on a system.

   Neither term is in serious use yet as of mid-1993, but many hackers
   find the metaphor attractive, and each may develop a denotation in
   the future. In the meantime, the speculative usage could be
   confused with `ICE', an acronym for "in-circuit emulator".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ice cold beer is better than ice cold anything else.
%%
Ice cream bomb:  Napolean Blownapart!
%%
Ice Cream cures all ills.  Temporarily.
 -- Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine
%%
Ice cream has no bones.
%%
Iced Tea, the house wine of the south.
%%
Ice not found, pour straight to continue.
%%
(Ice rocks hit the hull)  "Captain, we are being hailed."
%%
I certainly wasn't happy.  Happiness has to do with reason, and only
reason earns it.  What I was given was the thing you can't earn, and
can't keep, and often don't even recognize at the time; I mean joy.
 -- Ursula K. LeGuin
%%
ice screw: drastic cure for a severe case of horn.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Ice skater advice - Don't judge a brook by its cover.
%%
Ice skating is fine, unless you happen to be on the wrong side of the ice.
%%
ICE
  What water becomes if you freeze it. (See "gas", "Celsius") The
  main uses of ice are to cool down drinks with, place down people's
  backs, and economical housing for Eskimos.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is
standing still ...
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I charge thee, fling away ambition:
By that sin fell the angels.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Ich beschw\ore euch, meine Br\uder, _bleibt der Erde treu_ und glaubt denen
nicht, welche euch von \ubererdischen Hoffnungen reden! Giftmischer sind es,
ob sie es wissen oder nicht.
 -- Nietzsche
 -- Also Sprach Zarathustra
%%
Ich bin ein Berlinium!
 -- J.F.Kennedium
%%
..  ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr...
 ich lande im antiken Rom...  einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble...
 ich rieche PIZZA...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
ICH LIEBE RICH - I'm really crazy about having dough.
%%
I choked Linda Lovelace.
%%
I chop down trees, I wear high heels, suspendies and a bra.
%%
ICHOR, n.  A fluid that serves the gods and goddesses in place of
blood.

    Fair Venus, speared by Diomed,
    Restrained the raging chief and said:
    "Behold, rash mortal, whom you've bled --
    Your soul's stained white with ichorshed!"
                                                             Mary Doke
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"I chose and my world was shaken.
    So what?
The choice may have been mistaken --
    The choosing was not."
 -- Stephen Sondheim, SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE
%%
Ici on aime nous Canadiens.
%%
Icky icky icky icky fKANG zoop-boing n zowzyin...
 -- The Knights Who So Recently Said Nee!
%%
I claim not to have controlled events, but confess plainly that events
have controlled me.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I cleaned up my act once, but I decided it was more fun when it was dirty.
%%
ICMD: Initiate Core Melt Down
%%
ICM: Immerse Central Memory
%%
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
%%
I collect opinions like ships collect barnacles.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I collect Virginities.  Can I have yours?
%%
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I come from a good home - that's why they don't want me back.
%%
I come from a long line of progenitors.
%%
I come in peace. I only seek alcohol, men, and hockey!
%%
I come in peace. I only seek alcohol, women, and hockey!
%%
I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts:
I am no orator, as Brutus is;
But, as you know me all, a plain blunt man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I come not
To hear such flattery now, and in my presence.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
I come to pluck your berries harsh and crude,
And with forc'd fingers rude
Shatter your leaves before the mellowing year.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 3
%%
I come unbundled.
%%
I compacted my editor but my messages are no smaller?
%%
I compute, therefore IBM.
%%
I confess! I've been peeing in the sink!
%%
I confess that I love Pooh and have never seen Beavis and Butthead.
%%
I confess that in 1901, I said that man would not fly for 50 years.
 -- Wilbur Wright, 1908
%%
I confuse myself just fine, thank you.  Don't need help.
%%
Iconoclasm as a way of life...
%%
ICONOCLAST, n.  A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are
imperfectly gratified by the performance, and most strenuously protest
that he unbuildeth but doth not reedify, that he pulleth down but
pileth not up.  For the poor things would have other idols in place of
those he thwacketh upon the mazzard and dispelleth.  But the
iconoclast saith:  "Ye shall have none at all, for ye need them not;
and if the rebuilder fooleth round hereabout, behold I will depress
the head of him and sit thereon till he squawk it."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I consider a day in which I make love only once virtually wasted.
%%
I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
%%
I consider trial by jury as the only anchor yet devised by man, by
which a government can be held to the principles of its constitution.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
I consider your very testy and quarrelsome people in the same light
as I do a loaded gun, which may, by accident, go off and kill one.
 -- Shenstone
%%
ICONS == Inarguably, Computer's Obsolete!  No Salvageability
%%
I contemplate with sovereign reverence the act of the whole American people
 which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an
 establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus
 building a wall of separation between church and state.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, to the Danbury (Connecticut) Baptist Association in 1802
%%
I continue to miss my ex-wife. But my aim WILL improve!
%%
I continuously have this cash flow problem - it is all flowing in the wrong
 direction.
%%
"I cook with gas, I ride in tractors, I drink with deceased movie actors."
 -- Badger Rap, from "Badger"
%%
I [] CorelDRAW! v. 2.0!
%%
...I could accept this openness, glasnost, perestroika, or whatever you want
to call it if they did these things: abolish the one party system; open the
Soviet frontier and allow Soviet people to travel freely; allow the Soviet
people to have real free enterprise; allow Western businessmen to do business
there, and permit freedom of speech and of the press.   But so far, the whole
country is like a concentration camp.  The barbed wire on the fence around
the Soviet Union is to keep people inside, in the dark.  This openness that
you are seeing, all these changes, are cosmetic and they have been designed
to impress shortsighted, naive, sometimes stupid Western leaders.  These
leaders gush over Gorbachev, hoping to do business with the Soviet Union or
appease it.  He will say: Yes, we can do business!    This while his
military machine in Afghanistan has killed over a million people out of a
population of 17 million.  Can you imagine that?
 -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
 -- Defense Electronics, Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 110
%%
I coulda gone a long time without hearing this.
%%
I could be a country-western singer.  I just got done writing my latest song:

If I had met you earlier, I would have gotten rid of you long before now.
%%
I could buy a 3DO, or I could eat this year! Decisions, decisions...
%%
I could catch to boat to save myself. So I drowned in dry dock!
%%
I could dance till the cows come home.  On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating
than the man who invented retreating.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
I could have better spared a better man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
I could have more fun in a cat litter. - Ford.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
I could never be an anarchist, they have too many rules.
You have to hate the government.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson
%%
I could never make out what those damned dots meant.
 -- Lord Randolph Churchill, former Chancellor of the Exchequer
 -- regarding decimal points
%%
I could never sleep my way to the top / 'Cause my alarm
clock always wakes me right up.
 -- They Might Be Giants
 -- Hey, Mr D.J., I Thought You Said We Had a Deal
%%
I could not at any age be content to take my place in a corner by
the fireside and simply look on.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
I could not love thee, dear, so much,
  Lov'd I not honour more.
 -- Richard Lovelace (1618-1658)
 -- To Lucasta, on going to the Wars
%%
"I could not rest, Watson, I could not sit quiet in my chair, knowing a man
 such as Moriarty walked the streets of London unchallenged."
 -- Sherlock Holmes, "The Final Problem"
%%
I could not say I believe. I know! I have had the experience of being
gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call
God.
 -- Carl Jung
%%
I couldn't decide which tagline to use.... so I used this one.
%%
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I couldn't help but be impressed by the magnitude of the earthquake.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, stepping out of
                   the helicopter upon arrival at Alameda Naval Air
                   Station.
%%
I couldn't love the woman - she wouldn't lie down.
%%
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
%%
"I couldn't remember things until I took that Sam Carnegie course."
 -- Bill Peterson, former Houston Oiler football coach
%%
I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.   Except perhaps
the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ...
 -- Peter Oakley
%%
I couldn't repair your brakes so I made your horn LOUDER.
%%
I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
 -- Jonathan Winters
%%
I could prove God statistically.
 -- George Gallup
%%
I could recommend mescaline to everyone. Listen, there's a lot of people in
 this room. If one of you fell off a roof someday, if you did that in your
 normal state of mind--forget it. But if you took mescaline and fell off
 that same roof, you'd be saying, "So far, so good."
 -- Bob Altman
%%
I could take this home, Marilyn. This is something teenage boys might find of
interest.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, when purchasing a South
                  American Indian Doll that, when lifted, displays an
                  erection, 3/11/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I could try for the rest of my life, but that wouldn't be half enough.
%%
I could use a shower.
Yes.
 -- Kirk & Spock, "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
I count life just a stuff
To try the soul's strength on.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- In a Balcony
%%
I count religion but a childish toy ... there is no sin but ignorance.
%%
I created her for *my* needs -- and only mine!
 You ought to see what she can do with six
 bottles of milk and a tuning fork...
%%
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no class.
%%
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no credit cards.
%%
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no socks.
%%
I cried for the man who had no hair until I met the man
who had no head
%%
ICR: Incur Costly Repair [Sun Tempest]
%%
I Cry Your Pardon, Gunslinger.
%%
I 'C' said the blind man.
%%
ICSP: Invert Crt Screen Picture
%%
I C, therefore I link  (and think, and drink)
%%
IC : Understanding as in 'Oh, IC'.
%%
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory.
%%
I cut down trees, I skip and jump.
%%
I C what you mean.
%%
I dabble in stocks, bonds and other "secure" instruments.
%%
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box
of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
%%
I dance around and sing a song and know that I can do no wrong.
%%
I dare do all that may become a man;
Who dares do more is none.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 7
%%
I daresay whatever you want is around here somewhere.
%%
 "I Dare You" by Hugo Furst
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
I dare you to 'Trick or Treat' at the White House.
%%
I dated Betty Crocker.  She was easy, soft and moist.
%%
I 'd be a butterfly born in a bower,
  Where roses and lilies and violets meet.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- I 'd be a Butterfly
%%
I'd be an agnostic if I cared that much
%%
I'd be a narcissist, but I'm WAY too ugly.
%%
I'd Be a Red-Hot Mama If I Didn't Have These Varicose Veins.
 -- Anna Russell
%%
I'd be as good as new if it weren't for a thing or two.
%%
I'd be smarter if you knew enough to teach me...
%%
I'd better get off the phone now,
I've already told you more than I heard myself.
 -- Loretta Lockhorn
%%
I'd buy that for a bar of gold-pressed latinum!
%%
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating
a dead horse.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I'd change the world for the better - if only I could get
hold of the source code.
%%
IDC: Initiate Destruct Command
%%
I'd do anything for a hundred pounds, of DOLLARS, my dear Dudley!
%%
I'd do anything to make you happy, but you're asking too much.
%%
Ideal goals grow faster than the means of attaining new goals allow.
 -- Mallory Wober
%%
Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem.
 -- John Galsworthy
%%
Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality
the cost becomes prohibitive.
 -- William F. Buckley
%%
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
%%
Idealism + Pragmatism = Cynicism
%%
Idealists of course are unpredictable. They tend to be the ones who
    turn bitter overnight, deceived by the lies they've told themselves.
 -- Don DeLillo
%%
Ideally, there should be a gender transition movement.
%%
Ideals are like stars.  You will not succeed in touching them with
your hands.  But, like the seafaring man on the desert of waters,
you choose them as your guides and following them you will reach your
destiny.
%%
Ideals are like the stars: we never reach them,
but like the mariners of the sea,
we chart our course by them.
 -- Carl Schurz
%%
Ideals kill politicians, and politicians kill ideals.
%%
Ideas are avoiding me in droves.
 -- R. B. Seaton
%%
Ideas are duty free.
%%
Ideas are like rabbits.  You get a couple and learn how to handle them,
and pretty soon you have a dozen.
 -- John Steinbeck
%%
Ideas are more powerful than guns.  We would not let our enemies
have guns, why should we let them have ideas?
 -- Josef Stalin
%%
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like
solitary confinement.
%%
Ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion
to their soundness and validity.
 -- Fried's 23rd Law
%%
Ideas must work through the brains and arms of men, or they are no
better than dreams.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Ideas "off the top of the head" are like dandruff--small and flaky.
%%
Ideas shape the course of history.
 -- John Maynard Keynes
%%
I decline to accept the end of man.
 -- William Faulkner
%%
I'de enjoy the ride, If I knew what it was?
%%
I demand IMPUNITY!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I demand that I may or may not be lying!
%%
I demand that I may or may not be Vroomfondel!
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
:idempotent: [from mathematical techspeak] adj. Acting as if used
   only once, even if used multiple times.  This term is often used
   with respect to {C} header files, which contain common
   definitions and declarations to be included by several source
   files.  If a header file is ever included twice during the same
   compilation (perhaps due to nested #include files), compilation
   errors can result unless the header file has protected itself
   against multiple inclusion; a header file so protected is said to
   be idempotent.  The term can also be used to describe an
   initialization subroutine that is arranged to perform some
   critical action exactly once, even if the routine is called several
   times.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
I'd enjoy the day more if it started later.
%%
Identical units tested identically will not behave identically in the field.
 -- The RPCISPE's Eighteenth Universal Law
%%
Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave
in an identical fashion in the field.
%%
Identify things before you use them.
%%
Ideologies separate us.  Dreams and anguish bring us together.
 -- Eugene Ionesco
%%
I deserve respect for the things I did not do.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
%%
I despise WINDOWS!
%%
I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day
 die, which is not so.
 -- Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
%%
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
%%
I'd feel better about doctors if it wasn't called 'Practice'.
%%
I'd forget my balls if they didn't come in a bag.
%%
I'd get my mind from the gutter but I'm afraid of heights.
%%
"I'd get out of here now if I were you.  It's not safe here."
  "Trust me - it's not safe out there either."
"Oh hell, I forgot that."
 -- From the TV series WAR OF THE WORLDS
%%
I'd give $1000 to be a millionaire.
 -- Lewis Timberlake
%%
I'd give everyone a Twinkie, but I'm not a Hostess..
%%
I'd give my right arm to be able to touch type.
%%
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
I'd give you a piece of my mind....but I can't find it.
%%
I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one.
%%
I'd go on welfare, but I'm not used to living that well!
%%
I'd hate to be a new baby being born into this world today. There seems to
 be so much trouble everywhere. If I were a new baby, I don't think I could
 stand knowing what I was going to have to go through. That's why they don't
 show them any newspapers for the first two years.
 -- Charles Schulz ("Peanuts")
%%
I'd hate to die twice.  It's so boring.
 -- The last words of Richard P. Feynman
%%
I'd hate to make a judgement on that until all the facts are in.
%%
I'd hate to think we're seriously hampering the productivity of America.
But, on the other hand, what the heck!
 -- Computer game magnate Les Crane, "Time"
%%
I'd have a hilarious tagline, but Clinton hasn't done much today.
%%
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
I did all that with EDLIN.  No, really!
%%
I did cancel one performance in Holland where they thought my music was so easy
that they didn't rehearse at all.  And so the first time when I found that out,
I rehearsed the orchestra myself in front of the audience of 3,000 people and
the next day I rehearsed through the second movement -- this was the piece
_Cheap Imitation_ -- and they then were ashamed.  The Dutch people were ashamed
and they invited me to come to the Holland festival and they promised to
rehearse.  And when I got to Amsterdam they had changed the orchestra, and
again, they hadn't rehearsed.  So they were no more prepared the second time
than they had been the first.  I gave them a lecture and told them to cancel
the performance; they then said over the radio that i had insisted on their
cancelling the performance because they were "insufficiently Zen."
Can you believe it?
 -- composer John Cage, "Electronic Musician" magazine, March 88, pg. 89
%%
I did not care one straw.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1, 21, (411.)
%%
I did NOT escape....they gave me a day pass.
%%
I did not know in 1969 that I would be in this room today, I'll confess.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle responding to questions in 1988 about
                   allegations that he used family connections to get into
                   the Indiana National Guard.
                   (reported in the Washington Post, 8/26/88)
%%
I did not play with toys.
 -- Worf, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
I didn't accept it.  I received it.
 -- Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan,
 -- explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given
 -- by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange
 -- a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.
%%
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I
 approved of it.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time either.
%%
:I didn't change anything!: interj. An aggrieved cry often heard as
   bugs manifest during a regression test.  The {canonical} reply to
   this assertion is "Then it works just the same as it did before,
   doesn't it?"  See also {one-line fix}.  This is also heard from
   applications programmers trying to blame an obvious applications
   problem on an unrelated systems software change, for example a
   divide-by-0 fault after terminals were added to a network.
   Usually, their statement is found to be false.  Upon close
   questioning, they will admit some major restructuring of the
   program that shouldn't have broken anything, in their opinion,
   but which actually {hosed} the code completely.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules!!
%%
I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
%%
I didn't create reality...I'm just trapped in it!
%%
I didn't do anything--unless I was supposed to.
%%
"I Didn't do it" by Ivan Alibi
%%
I didn't do it!
 -- Crusty the Clown
%%
I didn't do it! It's really San Andreas' fault!
%%
I didn't do it, the computer did it!
%%
I didn't get a toy train like the other kids.  I got a toy subway
instead.  You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd
hear this rumbling noise go by.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I didn't get the documentation for the manuals!
%%
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
I didn't kill Grandpa!  Society killed Grandpa!!
 -- Bart
%%
I didn't know fish HAD fingers !!!
%%
I didn't know it then, but looking back, in hind-sight, I realize that
when I was younger I could see into the future.  Now I'm getting all
my premonitions as flashbacks!
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
%%
I didn't know Maxwell had thermodynamic relations...I guess he got around.
%%
I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.  The
curtain was up.
%%
I didn't lose my mind; it's here somewhere.
%%
I didn't make a mistake.  The computer misunderstood my request.
%%
I didn't mean to do that on purpose.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I didn't mind if they groomed me for success (yech!) or if they said
 that I was a fool.
 -- Ian Anderson
%%
I didn't order any WOO-WOO...  Maybe a YUBBA..  But no WOO-WOO!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I didn't pay a lot for this dress. I got it for a bargain. I heard somebody
 say I must've got this dress for a ridiculous figure.
 -- Minnie Pearl
%%
I didn't resolve the questions... and I find that
 entertaining.      And if my life were to end
 tomorrow, it would be fulfilled in that manner.  I
 would say, 'The questions have been terrific.'
 -- Jack Kirby on his work
%%
I didn't say that!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
I didn't shoot J.R.
%%
I didn't STEAL your tagline, I IMPROVED it!
%%
I didn't think; I experimented.
 -- Wilhelm Roentgen
%%
I didn't think it could be done, though given Sun's track record, I
suppose that I shouldn't be surprised that they've managed to produce
an even worse keyboard than any that they previously had on the
market.
 -- Steve Wadlow
%%
I didn't trip - I was caught in a sudden gust of gravity.
%%
I didn't understand this at first, but YOUR CONVINCING USE
OF CAPITAL LETTERS HAS MADE IT ALL CLEAR TO ME.
 -- J. Nairn
%%
I didn't vote for Change!  But that's all I've got left.
%%
I didn't want to die and go to actor heaven or actor hell and have
some guy come up to me and say, 'You were a star and you didn't do
Shakespeare?'
 -- Dustin Hoffman on doing Shylock.  (12/31/89 Playbill)
%%
I didn't write that! It sounds more like Shakespeare!
%%
I didn't write this; a very complex macro did.
%%
I didn't yield to temptation.  I came to a complete stop.
%%
I DID read the manual! That's why I'm confused !!
%%
I did send a copy of the disk; I xeroxed it!
%%
I did use taglines, but I never inhaled.
%%
I die,--but first I have possess'd,
And come what may, I have been bless'd.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 1114
%%
I died for your sins, and all I got was this lousy button.
%%
I die...I hope men will say of me that I did duty by my country.
I think that's pretty unlikely, sir. If I were you I'd try for
  something a bit more realistic.
Like what?
Um...you hope that men will think of you...as a bit of a thicky?
 -- George and Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
IDI: Invoke Divine Intervention
%%
I dinna know ya' c'uld get wool from 'em too!
%%
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
%%
IDIOS AMIGOS - We're wild and crazy guys!
%%
Idiot Box, n.: The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the
stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
Idiot congressman....Hey! That's redundant.
%%
Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.
%%
IDIOT, n.  A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in
human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.  The Idiot's
activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action,
but "pervades and regulates the whole."  He has the last word in
everything; his decision is unappealable.  He sets the fashions and
opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes
conduct with a dead-line.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Idiot-Proofing assumes a finite number of idiots.
%%
I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I am not afraid of falling
into my inkpot.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
I disagree with what you say but will defend to the death your right to
tell such LIES, LIES!  ALL LIES!
 -- Voltaire's Evil Twin
%%
I disarmed the trap.
%%
I Disclaim All Warranties Of Merchantability
%%
I disclaim my disclaimer!
%%
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed.  So I
said, "Get off me, you two!"
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I dislike companies that have a we-are-the-high-priests-of-hardware-so-you'll-
 like-what-we-give-you attitude.   I like commodity markets in which iron-and-
 silicon hawkers know that they exist to provide fast toys for software types
 like me to play with...
 -- Eric S. Raymond
%%
I dislike letters from Inland Revenue that end "your obedient servant." And
 that space on every income tax form which says, "Do not write in this
 space." We suggest dropping a small blob of candle grease on it--on the
 very sound principle that if you can't write in that space ...

 The creed of the Inland Revenue is simple: "If we can bring one little
 smile to one little face today--then somebody's slipped up somewhere."
 -- David Frost
%%
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
%%
I distrust a close-mouthed man.   He generally picks the wrong time to talk
 and says the wrong things.  Talking's something you can't do judiciously,
 unless you keep in practice.  Now, sir, we'll talk if you like.   I'll
 tell you right out, I'm a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk.
 -- Sidney Greenstreet, _The Maltese Falcon_
%%
I distrust all systematisers, and avoid them.
The will to a system shows a lack of honesty.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
 -- Gotzen-Dammerung [The Twilight of the Idols] (1888)
 -- "Maxims and Missiles" no. 26
%%
I distrust a man who says 'when.'   If he's got to be careful not to drink too
 much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does.
 -- Sidney Greenstreet, _The Maltese Falcon_
%%
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week with drinking.
%%
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
%%
I'd kill everyone in this room for one drop of sweeeet beer.
%%
I'd kill Flipper for a good tuna sandwich right now.
%%
Idle hands are the devils playthings....
 busy hands will make you go blind.
%%
Idleness and pride tax with a heavier hand than kings and parliaments.
If we can get rid of the former, we may easily bear the latter.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Letter on the Stamp Act, July 1, 1765
%%
Idleness and pride tax with a heavier hand than kings and parliaments,
which is why we need a productivity rebate.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Idleness is an appendix to nobility.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 6
%%
Idleness is leisure gone to seed.
%%
Idleness is only the refuge of weak minds.
 -- Stanhope
%%
Idleness is the art of being a vegetable.
%%
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
%%
Idleness is tough because you get no rest periods.
%%
IDLENESS, n.  A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of
new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Idleness travels very slowly, and poverty soon overtakes her.
 -- Hunter
%%
I'd like a stud Mcmuffin....to go.
%%
I'd like it all automated.
%%
I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'd like some JUNK FOOD...  and then I want to be ALONE --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'd like to autograph your bed pan.
%%
I'd like to be an obstetrician. Look at all the guys you have working for
 you all the time.
 -- Bert Henry
%%
I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above
 the ground.  That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I'd like to be rich enough so that I could throw soap away
after the letters are worn off.
 -- Andy Rooney, American author and television commentator
%%
I'd like to be under the sea, in an octopus' garden in the shade.
%%
I'd like to buy him for what I think he is worth, and sell him
for what he thinks he is worth.
%%
I'd like to come back as an oyster. Then I'd only have to be good from
 September until April.
 -- Gracie Allen
%%
I'd like to fly, but I can't even swim.
%%
I'd like to have breakfast with you...should I call you
or nudge you?
%%
I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money.
%%
I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working
 on now.
%%
I'd like to ram a hunk of fried goat cheese straight up his ass.
 -- A wonderful line from MYSTIC PIZZA
%%
I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out
 of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish
 pulls a worm out of the ground.  Now that's a documentary!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you
 can really see it in those genitals.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I'd like to see the Spaniard who could make his way past _me_!
Well, go to Spain. There are millions of 'em.
 -- Percy and Edmund : Bells
%%
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend.  It's called, "They'll
 Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I'd lose my body if my brain weren't surrounded by it.
%%
I'd love to be a flier - up there where the air is clear.
The chances of the air being clear anywhere near you, Baldrick,
  are zero.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Private Plane
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
having fun gives me prickly heat.
 -- 91 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
 -- 54 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
 -- 11 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
 -- 41 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I feel a song coming on.
 -- 71 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
 -- 43 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
 -- 49 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
 -- 51 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to bleach my hare.
 -- 74 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
 -- 17 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
 -- 68 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to floss my cat.
 -- 1 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to fluff my shower cap.
 -- 35 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to fulfill my potential.
 -- 40 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to go to court for kitty littering.
 -- 88 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
 -- 15 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to jog my memory.
 -- 93 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
 -- 86 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have too much guilt.
 -- 66 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to rotate my crops.
 -- 83 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to sit up with a sick ant.
 -- 99 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to stay home and see if I snore.
 -- 96 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to study for a blood test.
 -- 79 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
 -- 90 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
 -- 65 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
 -- 63 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I left my body in my other clothes.
 -- 46 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'll be looking for a parking space.
 -- 31 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
 -- 38 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
 -- 56 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
 -- 25 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm being deported.
 -- 29 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm building a pig from a kit.
 -- 10 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
 -- 36 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
 -- 14 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
 -- 12 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
 -- 23 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
 -- 45 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
 -- 28 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
 -- 18 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm going to be old someday.
 -- 80 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
 -- 89 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
 -- 92 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm having all my plants neutered.
 -- 52 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
 -- 87 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm in training to be a household pest.
 -- 22 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
 -- 55 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm observing National Apathy Week.
 -- 82 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
 -- 19 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named
Basil Metabolism.
 -- 62 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm sandblasting my oven.
 -- 26 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
 -- 7 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
 -- 34 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
 -- 16 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm too old/young for that stuff.
 -- 64 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm touring China with a wok band.
 -- 58 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm trying to be less popular.
 -- 72 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm trying to cut down.
 -- 100 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
 -- 21 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
 -- 69 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
 -- 85 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
 -- 75 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm worried about my vertical hold.
 -- 27 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
 -- 76 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I never go out on days that end in "Y."
 -- 60 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I prefer to remain an enigma.
 -- 97 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
 -- 70 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I think you want the OTHER [your name].
 -- 98 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
It's my parakeet's bowling night.
 -- 8 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
It's too close to the turn of the century.
 -- 42 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
 -- 9 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
 -- 6 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I've been traded to Cincinnati.
 -- 81 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
 -- 37 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I've dedicated my life to linguini.
 -- 2 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
 -- 48 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
I want to spend more time with my blender.
 -- 3 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my bathroom tiles need grouting.
 -- 73 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
 -- 59 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my crayons all melted together.
 -- 20 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
 -- 95 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my favorite commercial is on TV.
 -- 78 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
 -- 32 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
 -- 61 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my palm reader advised against it.
 -- 94 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my patent is pending.
 -- 24 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my plot to take over the world is thickening.
 -- 39 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my subconscious says no.
 -- 44 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my uncle escaped again.
 -- 84 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
 -- 57 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
none of my socks match.
 -- 50 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
 -- 53 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
the grunion are running.
 -- 30 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
the last time I went, I never came back.
 -- 47 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
the man on television told me to say tuned.
 -- 5 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
the monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
 -- 33 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
the President said he might drop in.
 -- 4 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
there are important world issues that need worrying about.
 -- 67 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
there's a disturbance in the Force.
 -- 13 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
...well, maybe.
 -- 101 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
 -- I'd love to, but...
you know how we psychos are.
 -- 77 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
%%
I'd love to have my conk fixed.  It's too big.
 -- Princess Diana
%%
I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it.
%%
I'd love to own a candy factory.  I'd make a mint!
%%
I'd much rather a pitbull 'ride' my leg than eat it.
%%
I'd much rather have a chest to chest session.
%%
I'd never marry a woman who didn't like pizza... I might play golf with her,
 but I wouldn't marry her.
 -- Hoyt Axton in a marvelous Pizza Hut commercial
%%
IDNOP: InDirect No-OP
%%
I do a lot of research, especially in ladies apartments.
%%
I do a lot of thinking in the john. Says a lot for my thoughts.
%%
  I do but sing because I must,
And pipe but as the linnets sing.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xxi, Stanza 6
%%
I do desire we may be better strangers.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I do everything for a reason,
most of the time the reason is for money.
 -- Suzy Parker
%%
I'd offer everyone a Twinkie, but I'm not hostes
%%
I'd offer you some gum, but I don't have any.
 -- April Cooper
%%
I do hate sums.  There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an
exact science.  There are permutations and aberrations discernible to
minds entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary
accountants fail to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires a
mind like mine to perceive.  For instance, if you add a sum from the
bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always
different.
 -- Mrs. La Touche (19th cent.)
%%
I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I do hereby assign all intangibles, in perpetuity,...
%%
I do- I do- I do- I do- what any normal person would do at that age.
You call home.  You call home to mother and father and say, "I'd like
to get into the National Guard."
 -- Senator Dan Quayle, 8/19/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I do know a few things about anatomy, Jean-Luc.
 -- Beverly
%%
I do know everything.  I just can't remember it all at once!
%%
I do know of these
That therefore only are reputed wise
For saying nothing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I do more work all day than some people do before 5 AM.
%%
I do my best not to offend, without fucking with the purpose.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I do my best to be just who I am, but everybody wants me to be just like them.
%%
I'd only just put it there. But now, I will leave it there forever.
...Quite so, Baldrick. It can be your lucky willy.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Bells
%%
I do not believe in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman
church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant
church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
I do not believe that this generation of Americans is willing to resign itself
to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
I do not comment on intelligent matters.
 -- Jim Bolger
%%
I do not distinguish by the eye, but by the mind, which is the proper
judge of the man.
 -- Seneca (8 BC)
 -- On a Happy Life, 2, (L'Estrange's Abstract, Chap, i.)
%%
I do not eat to live. I live to eat.
%%
I do not even fulfill the domestic-content requirements for being a
cabinet secretary.
 -- Labor Secretary Reich,
 -- Noting that his replacement hip was made in Germany and France, 1994
%%
I do not fear Satan half so much as I fear those who fear him.
 -- Theresa of Avila
%%
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.
 -- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
%%
I DO NOT...I do not yell.
 -- Worf
%%
I do not know how it is with you, but for myself I generally give up at the
outset. The simplest problems which come up from day to day seem to me quite
unanswerable as soon as I try to get below the surface.
 -- Justice Learned Hand
%%
I do not know how other people would set about the task.  I can
therefore only tell you how I myself have approached the matter, and I
must submit to the reproach that my way of solving the problem is the
outcome of my individual prejudice.  Indeed, this objection is so
entirely true, that I should not know how to meet it.  I might,
perhaps, content myself by referring to Columbus, who, by using
subjective assumptions, a false hypothesis, and a route abandoned by
modern navigation, nevertheless discovered America.
 -- C.G. Jung, "Modern Man in Search of a Soul"
%%
I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
I do not know the method of drawing up an indictment against a whole people.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 136
%%
I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem
to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting
myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell
than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered
before me.
 -- Isaac Newton (1642-1727)
 -- Brewster's Memoirs of Newton, Vol. ii, Chap. xxvii
%%
I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I
 am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
 -- Chang-tzu
%%
I do not like this word 'bomb.' It is not a bomb, it is a device which is
exploding.
 -- Jacques Le Blanc, French ambassador to New Zealand
 -- speaking to the (NZ) National Press Club
 -- about French nuclear tests in the South Pacific; reported by NPR.
%%
I do not like work even when someone else does it.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
I do not love a man who is zealous for nothing.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
I do not love thee, Sabidius, nor can I say why; this only I can say,
I do not love thee.
 -- Martial (40-102 AD)
 -- Epigram i, 32
%%
I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
I do not remember ever having seen a sustained argument by an author
which, starting from philosophical premises likely to met with general
acceptance, reached the conclusion that a praiseworthy ordering of
one's life is to devote it to research in mathematics.
 -- Sir Edmund Whittaker (1873-1956)
 -- Scientific American, Volume 183, September 1950, page 42
%%
I do not resent criticism, even when, for the sake of emphasis, it parts for
the time with reality.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
I do not serve things evil. I am evil.
 -- Armus, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
I do not set my life at a pin's fee.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
I do NOT steal taglines; I make "backups" which I use!
%%
I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel
 myself infinitely the happier for it.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
I do not take drugs. I am drugs.
 -- Salvador Dali (still alive, 9/27/88)
%%
I do not think the United States government
 is responsible for the fact that a bunch of
 fanatics decided to kill themselves
 -- Slick Willie the Compassionate
%%
I do not understand the threat I bring to you.
%%
I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my windows
to be stuffed.  I want the cultures of all the lands to be blown about
my house as freely as possible.  But I refuse to be blown off my feet
by any.
 -- Gandhi
%%
I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking
them.
 -- Jane Austen
%%
I do not want to die... until I have faithfully made the most of
my talent and cultivated the seed that was placed in me until the
last small twig has grown.
 -- Kathe Kollwitz
%%
I do not wish to kill nor to be killed, but I can foresee circumstances in
which these things would be by me unavoidable.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
I do now remember the poor creature, small beer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
I don't agree at all with any partisan or other criticism of the United States
 build-up in Vietnam.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon, February 15, 1962
%%
I don't agree with Rush -- Rush agrees with ME!
%%
I don't believe a tree is a tree and if you've seen one you've
seen them all.
 -- Ronald Reagan, Sacramento Bee, 9/14/66
%%
I don't believe in a no-win scenario.
 -- James T. Kirk
%%
I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't
believe in astrology.
 -- James R. F. Quirk
%%
I don't believe in atheism.
 -- Charade
%%
I don't believe in atheists.
%%
I don't believe in backu[NO CARRIER]
%%
I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.
 -- John Lennon
%%
I don't believe in god because I don't believe in Mother Goose.
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
I don't believe in intuition, but I have this feeling that someday I will.
%%
I don't believe in love.  I never have I never will.
%%
I don't believe in nagging at a man. You can accomplish so much more by
 hitting him with something.
 -- Norman Hoifjeld
%%
I don't believe in pessimism.  If something doesn't come up the way you want,
forge ahead.  If you think it's going to rain, it will.
 -- Clint Eastwood
%%
I don't believe in princerple,
  But oh I du in interest.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. vi
%%
I don't believe in psychology.   I believe in good moves.
 -- Bobby Fischer
%%
I don't believe in reason, objective reality or collective farming.
%%
I don't believe in sweeping social change being manifested by one person,
 unless he has an atomic weapon.
 -- Howard Chaykin
%%
I don't beLIEve slick wilLIE!
%%
I don't believe that life is supposed to make you feel good, or make
you feel miserable either.  Life is just supposed to make you feel.
 -- Gloria Naylor
%%
I don't believe that the answer to white racism is black racism.
 -- Spiro T. Agnew, then Governor of Maryland
%%
I don't believe The American people want a gelding in the White House.
 -- Grover Cleveland, then Presidential candidate when the news came out
 -- before the election of 1884
 -- that he was supporting a 10-year-old illegitimate son.
%%
I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE..  I think it's all
 just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen--
 ..  to sell more numbers!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I don't believe this. You hate Denebian Slime?
You deserve a horrible wasting death, uncurable by any means!
%%
I don't believe you've met my young friend Ace, an expert in
 calorification, incineration, carbonization, and inflammation.
 -- Doctor, The Happiness Patrol
%%
I don't bite. Well...actually, I do.
 -- K'Ehleyr to Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
"I don't Bolivia."  "Denmark my words, you'll regret it."
%%
I DON'T brake for feminists.
%%
I don't brake for incumbents.
%%
I don't buy temporary insanity as a murder defense. 'Cause people kill
 people. That's an animal instinct. I think breaking into someone's home and
 ironing all their clothes is temporary insanity.
 -- Sue Kolinsky
%%
I don't care for the poison, but I love the antidote.
%%
I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial.  I don't like the idea of
a frog jumping on my Breakfast.
 -- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
%%
...I don't care for the term 'mechanistic'. The word 'cybernetic' is a
lot more apropos. The mechanistic world-view is falling further and
further behind the real world where even simple systems can produce the
most marvelous chaos.
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
I don't care how many times they go up-tiddly-up-up, they're still
  gits.
 -- Edmund : Private Plane
%%
I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in.
%%
I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like
to run their own business.   I know men that would make my wife a better
husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
I don't care if I AM a lemming, I still won't jump!
%%
I don't care if I'm a lemming - I'm not going!
%%
I don't care if it is politics; bait-and-switch is still illegal.
%%
I don't CARE if you're on fire!  Stop SCREAMING like that!
%%
I don't care what happens to the salesperson on the other end of the line.
 I am not buying any more magazine subscriptions by telephone, no matter.
%%
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
I don't care what the orders are. I'm for getting out of here NOW!
%%
I don't care what "they" say, disco *STILL* sucks!
%%
I don't care what you think of me, so long as it's favorable.
%%
I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating
 -- Boss Tweed
%%
I don't care who you are fat man, get off my roof!!!!
%%
I don't care who you are, Fatso. Just get those reindeer off my roof.
%%
I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.
%%
I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on water
while I'm fishing!
%%
I Don't Charge Tax, I Collect It
 -- Mark E. Sunderlin aka Dr. Megabyte
%%
I don't cheat, I play by the extended rules.
%%
I don't claim to have a monopoly on the truth,
Or know what lies in the depths of your heart,
But of all I do not know, and of all I can not find,
The hardest part is knowing that I'll never win your love.
 -- Mark Gardner
%%
I don't delegate responsibility--I delegate blame
%%
I don't DESERVE this!!  I haven't even KILLED anyone in this issue!
 -- Kobra, in an Ambush Bug story in DC Presents
%%
I don't do drugs.  Books are my escape from reality.
%%
I don't do jogging, it makes my beer all foamy.
%%
I don't do Mondays!!
%%
I don't do mornings...
%%
I don't do reports, it's against my religion.
%%
I don't do skating, it makes my beer all foamy.
%%
I don't do taglines.
%%
I don't do this for my health, you understand. I do it for the pain.
I *LOVE* the pain!
 -- Professor Hugh D. Young, quoted out of context.
%%
I don't do Windows, but OS/2 does.
%%
I Don't do windows.      ...I don't have the time!
%%
I don't do work, but I have a friend who does
%%
I DON'T EAT ANYTHING WITH A FACE!
%%
I don't eat snails.  I prefer fast food.
 -- Robert Aboud
%%
I don't engage in a battle of wits with defenseless people.
%%
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
 -- Katherine Cebrian
%%
I don't even know what street Canada is on.
 -- Al Capone
%%
------------------------------
I don't even listen to 2 Live Crew, being more of a John Denver kind of guy.
 -- Scott Dietzen
------------------------------
First off, I'm embarrassed to be Dietzen's friend because I don't like
 anyone who listens to John Denver.     I want everyone to know that he threw
 that in there just to make you think he was a complete idiot.
 -- Bill Chiles
------------------------------
%%
I don't exercise. What's in it for me? You've got to offer me more than my
 life to get me on a Stairmaster grunting for two hours. I view my body as a
 way of getting my head from one place to another.
 -- Dave Thomas
%%
 I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name
 and number, I'll call you back when I am...
     (or)
 I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your
 name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in
 person.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
I don't expect executives to be creative but I do expect them to have
courage.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Starting from Scratch: A Different Kind of Writer's Manual
%%
I don't expect it to read my mind; that's why I've got a girlfriend.
%%
I don't feel good.
 -- The last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)
%%
 I don't feel in the least bit humble before the vastness of the heavens.
 The stars may be large, but they can not think or love; and these are the
 qualities which impress me far more than size does.
 -- FP Ramsey
%%
I don't feel up to this... I'm going back to bed.
%%
I don't get even, I get Odder!!
%%
I don't get mad -- I get odd.
%%
I don't get no respect. No respect at all. Every time I get into an
 elevator the operator says the same thing: "Basement?" No respect. When I
 was a kid we played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me. The
 other day I was standing in front of a big apartment house. The doorman
 asked me to get him a cab ... I bought a used car--I found my wife's dress
 in the back seat.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
I don't give Bill Clinton any credibility.
%%
I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my
 mother's maiden name.
 -- Paula Poundstone
%%
I don't have a drinking problem.
 I drink
 I get drunk
 I fall down
 No problem
%%
I don't have a license to kill.  I have a learner's permit.
%%
I don't have all the answers, just those that count.
%%
I don't have an attitude, babe--I AM an attitude.
%%
I don't have an attitude problem--it's supposed to be like this.
%%
I don't have an overactive imagination--I live in an
underactive universe
%%
I don't have any HIDDEN prejudices!
%%
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
I don't have anything against face lifts, but I think a good rule of thumb
 is that it's time to stop when you look permanently frightened.
 -- Susan Forfleet
%%
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs
 in my socks.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
I don't have a REAL life - I'm a BBS addict!
%%
I don't have a REAL life - I'm a SysOp!
%%
I don't have a weird sense of humor. Your reality is just weird.
%%
I don't have burnout, but I'm slightly singed.
%%
I don't have insomnia - it's just that I don't always
remember to sleep.
%%
I don't have the time for a hobby. I have a computer.
%%
I don't have time for a crisis!
%%
I don't have time to think, I've got programs to write.
%%
I don't have to agree with your opinion but I do respect it, 'cos you're so
unique like everybody else in this universe. My opinions are my experiences.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
I don't have to choose, nyaah, nyaaah, nah nyaah nyaah.
 -- Sandra Hereld
%%
I don't have to experience tragedy to understand it.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle during a photo-op
                   in LA, responding to criticisms that he didn't
                   understand what it meant to live in the "inner
                   city." (WRAL 6/23/92)
%%
I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of people waiting
to abuse me.
  -- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
%%
I don't have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once. He was fun
 when he was a puppy. I named him Stay. When I'd call him I'd say "C'mere
 Stay C'mere Stay" and he'd go like crazy... He's a lot smarter than that
 now. Now when I call him he just ignores me and keeps on typing.
%%
I don't HAVE ulcers--I give them!
%%
I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger.
%%
I don't kill my enemies: I slime them
 -- Odo
%%
I don't know.
%%
I don't know about microwave ovens. Food should not get hotter as you're
 eating it. It can't be good for you ... Maybe it's just mine. I've got a
 cheap microwave. It doesn't have a door. It just cooks whatever's around,
 and when I get dizzy, I know lunch is ready.
 -- Billiam Coronel
%%
I don't know about your brain, but mine is really... bossy.
 -- L. Anderson
%%
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
 -- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
%%
I don't know, but I've been told a big-legged woman ain't got no soul.
%%
I don't know but I've been told
 the streets of heaven are lined with gold
 I ask you how things could get much worse
 if the russians happened to get up there first
 wowee,pretty scary
 -- Robert Zimmerman
%%
I don't know how I got here....
%%
I don't know how to lock or unlock such a thing.
%%
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
 -- Jack Kerouac
%%
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation
  if He didn't.
 -- Jules Renard
%%
I don't know if I like the idea of seatbelt laws. Enforcing intelligence
 seems, somehow, unamerican.
 -- David Pugh
%%
I don't know if she likes this, but in a way I treat her as a staff
person.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, referring to Marilyn
%%
I don't know if she'll have time for you, Wes. She's destined to rule an
  entire world.
 -- Riker to Wesley about Salia, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
I don't know if the death penalty ever stopped anyone from killin', but
it stops 'em from killin' again.
 -- Elvis
%%
I don't know, I'm making this up as I go.
 -- Indiana Jones/Adrian Lake
%%
I don't know much about art, but I know when somebody is getting away with
 murder.
 -- Bill Hoest
%%
I don't know much about hell, but you probably have to
fly though Atlanta to get there.
 -- my mother
%%
I don't know much about panda bears, Number One.
 -- Picard
%%
I don't know music, but I know what I like.
 -- Beerbohm.
%%
I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country
untaxed, except the answer to prayer.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they
 be considered patriots.   This is one nation under God.
 -- George Bush in Free Inquiry magazine, Fall 1988
%%
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please
everybody.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
I don't know the word "stop". Use "quit" if you want to give up.
%%
I don't know, what do you think?
%%
I don't know what I'd believe in if it weren't for my lucky astrology
 mood watch.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I don't know what I like, but I know what art is.
%%
I don't know what it is about reggea music,
but it gives me the munchies every time.
%%
I don't know what's wrong with people! All I ask them to do is exactly
what I tell them.
%%
I don't know what their
 gripe is.   A critic is
 simply someone paid to
 render opinions glibly.
               Critics are grinks and groinks.
 -- Baron and Badger, from Badger comics
%%
I don't know what to do!  I can't make decisions!  I'm a president!
%%
        I don't know what you mean by 'glory', Alice said
     Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously.  Of course you don't --
till I tell you.   I meant `there's a nice knock-down argument for
you!'
       But glory doesn't mean `a nice knock-down argument,' Alice
objected.
         When I use a word, Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful
tone, it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor
less.
          The question is, said Alice, whether you can make words mean
so many different things.
       The question is, said Humpty Dumpty, which is to be master--
that's all.
 -- Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass
%%
I don't know what you mean by YOUR way,
all the ways about here belong to ME -
but why did you come out here at all?
%%
I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know:
the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have
sought and found how to serve.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
I don't know what your pleasure threshold is. <G'Kar<
%%
I don't know where the cave is, but hereabouts no stream can run on
the the surface for long. I would try the stream.
%%
I don't know where we come from,
Don't know where we're going to,
And if all this should have a reason,
We would be the last to know.
So let's just hope there is a promised land,
And until then,
...as best as you can.
 -- Steppenwolf, Rock Me Baby
%%
I don't know whether to shoot myself or go bowling.
%%
I don't know who my grandfather was; I'm much more concerned to know
what his grandson will be.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I don't know who, why or
when, but somewhere at some time someone will have a
life-and-death need for two snowflakes exactly alike.
 -- J. Calvin Smith's Absolute Certainty No. 1
%%
..  I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q.
 LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know
why I'll do it again.
 -- Bart Simpson
%%
I don't know WHY I said that..  I think it came from the FILLINGS
 in my rear molars..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I don't know why it is that the religious never ascribe common sense to God.
%%
I don't know why people are frightened of the new ideas.
I am frightened of the old ones.
 -- John Cage
%%
I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
 -- Bumper sticker
%%
I don't like any of my loved ones.
%%
I don't like chaos but chaos likes me.
%%
I don't like Clinton. I didn't vote for
 Clinton. And I don't like her husband either.
%%
I don't like dating rednecks because you can't do anything cultural with
 them. Take them to an art gallery, and they'll say, "This is crap." "That's
 a Picasso," I reply. "What about this bunch of damn squiggles?" "That's a
 Kandinsky." "All right, well, like in this one the guy's got a pencil neck,
 his nose is upside down, and his eyes are on the same side of his head."
 "That's a mirror."
 -- Pam Stone
%%
I don't like dogs. Keep getting mustard on my catching glove...
%%
... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN.
%%
I don't like hip-hop, oh no... I love it, yeah
%%
I don't like it (Quantum Mech.), and I'm sorry I had anything
to do with it.
 -- Erwin Schroedinger
%%
I don't like money - but it quiets my spirit.
%%
I don't like people who speak French in public
 places.  This includes the French.
 -- Ian Shoales
%%
I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it,
and I just hate it.
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
I don't like spreading rumors, but what else can you do
with them?
%%
I don't like talking to philosophers. I'm always worried that they
 might be laughing behind my back because they know I don't exist.
%%
I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I don't like the idea that people can call you in your car. I think there's
 news you shouldn't get at sixty miles per hour. "Pregnant? Whooaaaah!" But
 if we're gonna have car telephones, I think we definitely should have car
 telephone answering machines: "Tom's at home right now. But as soon as he
 goes out, he'll get back to you."
 -- Tom Parks
%%
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside
my fish tank.  I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see
the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<.  I go down to the pet store
-- "Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
"I don't like this... it was too easy."
  "You think it was a trap, huh?"
"NAH... It was just too easy... I didn't get to shoot NEAR enough people..."
 -- Kelvin Mace and Assistant
%%
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell
- you see, I have friends in both places.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
I don't like violence but I'm very good at it.
%%
I don't make jokes.  I just watch the government and report the facts.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
I don't make much sense because the rest of the world doesn't either.
%%
I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.
 -- Cash McCall
%%
I don't mean to make you feel guilty, but I would if I could.
%%
I don't meet competition, I crush it.
 -- Charles Revson
%%
I don't mind a man going around telling lies about me, but he'll hear from
 me if he dares to tell the truth!
 -- Jimmy Savo
%%
I don't mind arguing with myself.
 Its when I lose that it bothers me.
 -- Richard Powers
%%
I don't mind being ... fat. I was in the Big Man's Shop and a salesman came
 up to me and said, "We have jogging suits in your size." Why? Last time I
 ran was in '82. I didn't hear the bells on the ice-cream truck the first
 time.
 -- Max Alexander
%%
I don't mind being in touch with reality, as long as I
don't have to live there.
%%
I don't mind being in touch with reality, so long as I
don't have to pay the phone bill.
%%
I don't mind being pampered, but I will NOT be possessed!!!
%%
I don't mind crazies.  At least they're committed!
%%
I don't mind getting messy to have a good time.
%%
I don't mind getting older. I just mind that I have aging children.
%%
I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour
 will be the only thing I've saved this year.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
 -- Ronald Mabbitt
%%
I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it.
 -- Marilyn Monroe
%%
I don't mind men who kiss and tell. I need all the publicity I can get.
 -- Ruth Buzzi
%%
I don't mind occasionally having to reinvent a wheel; I don't even
mind using someone's reinvented wheel occassionally.   But it helps a
lot if it is symmetric, contains no fewer than ten sides, and has the
axle centered.  I do tire of trapezoidal wheels with offset axles
 -- Joseph M. Newcomer
%%
I don't mind straight people, as long as they act gay in public.
%%
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
 streets and frighten the horses.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a
 language I don't understand.
 -- Sir Edward Appleton
%%
I don't mind you *thinking* I'm stupid, but don't
 *talk* to me like I'm stupid.
 -- Harlan Ellison
%%
I don't miss deadlines, I ignore them.
%%
I dont nead no speling cheker!
%%
I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
 -- Marshall McLuhan
%%
I don't need a bed of roses, cuz roses wither away.
%%
I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company.
%%
I don't need a friend who changes when I change
and who nods when I nod;
my shadow does that much better.
 -- Plutarch
%%
I don't need a warranty.  I'll just take it back.
%%
I don't need directions. I need HELP!
%%
I don't need parents.  All I need is a recording that says,
'Go play outside!'
 -- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
I don't need psychotherapy, I have a CAR!!
 -- Hans Fiedler
%%
I don't need the same excuses, all this talk is really useless
 -- NGDB
%%
I don't need to be born again.  I got it right the first time.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
I don't need your word, I've got your short hairs!
%%
I don't need you, you know--I can be lonely all by myself.
%%
I don't normally drink and I'm not normally normal.
%%
I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before??
%%
I don't often make a mistake, but when I do, it's a beaut.
 -- Fiorello La Guardia
%%
I don't own any slaves. My wife has one, though.
%%
I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
 -- Heathers
%%
I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
 -- Red Skelton
%%
I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm
 preaching to.
 -- Bob Dobbes, in Newsweek
%%
I don't pretend to have all the answers.  I don't pretend to even know what the
 questions are.  Hey, where am I?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I don't pretend to understand the universe--it's much
bigger than I am.
 -- Einstein
%%
I don't purr - I don't beep - I ain't cute!
%%
I don't read msgs. I just look for Taglines.
%%
I dont read these either...
%%
I don't really trust a sane person.
 -- Lyle Alzado
%%
I don't recall running for this office.
%%
I don't remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching is
one of nature's sweet pleasures, and so handy.
%%
I don't remember volunteering for this "Ring" business.
%%
I don't see how you can eat peanuts with that!
%%
I don't see no p'ints about that frog that's any better'n any other frog.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), The Celebrated Jumping Frog
%%
I don't see no points on your ears, boy, but you sound like a Vulcan.
"No, sir. I am an android."
Almost as bad.
"I thought it was generally accepted, sir, that Vulcans are an advanced
  and most honorable race."
They are. And also damned annoying at times.
 -- McCoy and Data, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
I don't see the point of lecturers talking, except to resolve some of the
 ambiguities in their handwriting.
%%
I don't see the problem.   Satan is a Christian God.  Satanists are a
 kind of off-beat christians.  They don't need a group of their own --
 they belong in some christian group, or talk.religion.misc at most.
 -- Thomas Gramstad (bfu@ifi.uio.no)
%%
I don't see you guys rating the kind of "mate" I'm contemplating...
%%
I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there.
%%
"I don't sing, I don't dance, and I don't like people who do."
 -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
I don't smoke !! That was the flamethrower !!
%%
I DON'T SPEAK FOR ANYONE INCLUDING MYSELF!
%%
I don't speak for my company, ....
 my company does not speak for me....
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
I don't speak for others and they don't speak for me.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
I don't steal taglines; I just recycle them.
%%
I don't steal taglines. I redirect them to my hard drive.
%%
I don't steal taglines -- I replicate them.
%%
I don't stoop to conquer - I merely conquer.
%%
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
%%
I don't suffer from insanity--I revel in it!
%%
I don't suffer from mental illness... I enjoy it.
%%
I don't take drugs - I'm not even an athlete.
%%
I don't take your complaining seriously.
%%
I don't take your whining seriously.
%%
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after
  they're dead.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
I don't think Christians should use birth control.   You consummate your
 marriage as often as you like and if you have babies, you have babies.
 -- Randall Terry, one of the people behind the current campaign to blockade
    health clinics and publicly harass and humiliate women
%%
I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I don't respond
 well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to--if I get too
 mellow--I ripen and then rot.
 -- Woody Allen (in Annie Hall)
%%
I don't think I'd be so bored if I didn't have so much to do.
%%
I don't think I'll get married again.  I'll just find a woman I don't like
and give her a house.
 -- Lewis Grizzard
%%
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall
 under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I don't think I'm ever more "aware" than I am right after I hit my thumb with a
 hammer.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I don't think it's fair to call people middle-aged just because they're not
 so young anymore.
 -- Syd Hoff
%%
I don't think I want to kill for your entertainment....
 -- Blake
%%
I don't think money buys happiness, but I'd like to know for sure.
%%
I don't think Mr. Ranger is gonna like this, Yogi...
%%
I don't think my parents liked me.
They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I don't think so.
%%
I don't think so. Homey don't play dat.
%%
I don't think so - Homey the Clown
%%
I don't think so, said Rene' Descartes.     Just then, he vanished.
%%
I don't think ... therefore, I am a conservative.
%%
I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital.   On the other
hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
%%
I don't think they had Wookiees in mind when they built her.
%%
I don't think this is a wise idea. They already tried to kill me once.
One sure way into the record books.
 -- Dr. Stubbs and Riker, "Evolution", stardate 43125.8
%%
I don't think we can stand to have it [Mars] sitting out there without
dinking with it.
 -- Arden Albee, Jet Propulsion Laboratory, on Mars mission
%%
I don't think we have the right or the wisdom to interfere, however
  a planet is evolving.
 -- Kirk, "The Omega Glory," stardate unknown.
%%
I don't think we're in Arkansas anymore, Socks.
%%
I don't think we should punish the criminal [a rapist] by killing his child.
 -- Dr. John Wilke, President, National Right to Life Committee, Search for
       Common Ground, taped for television 4/89, as quoted in The Far
      Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
I don't think you'll find enjoyment's on the agenda.
 -- Security Officer Rudge, TERROR OF THE VERVOIDS
%%
I don't trust anybody who is unbiased or has no opinions.
 -- Kaymar Enshayan
%%
I don't trust career advisors.  If they knew anything about getting
a job they wouldn't be career advisors.
 -- Happy Harry (Christian Slater), Pump Up The Volume
%%
I don't trust men who smile too much.
 -- Commander Kor the Klingon, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3201.7.
%%
I don't trust President Clinton...OR her husband!
%%
I don't understand couples that break up and get back together--especially
 couples who divorce and remarry. That's like pouring milk on a bowl of
 cereal, tasting it, and saying, "This milk is sour. Well, I'll put it back
 in the refrigerator--maybe it will be okay tomorrow."
 -- Larry Miller
%%
"I don't understand", said the scientist, "why you lemmings all rush to the sea
and drown yourselves".  "How curious", said the lemming, "The one thing I don't
understand is why you human beings don't."
 -- James Thurber.
%%
I don't understand some phrases. Take "I look forward to seeing you." Why
 don't you listen forward to looking me? One night a woman came to me after
 a concert and said, "I haven't laughed so much since my husband died." My
 own English isn't too good. Somebody remarked to me, "Spring in the air,
 Mr. Borge." And I jumped eight feet.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
..  I don't understand the HUMOR of the THREE STOOGES!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I don't understand this.  It just sucks!
 -- Beavis
%%
I don't understand why everybody's in disguise.
 -- Lemmy Kilmister
%%
I don't understand you anymore.
%%
I don't understand you.
 -- Every man who ever lived to every woman he's ever known
%%
I don't use an Amiga myself...
%%
I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough.
 -- M. C. Escher
%%
I don't use taglines.  Wait, what's this?  Hey!
%%
I don't vote.  It just encourages them.
 -- A Maine woman
%%
I don't wanna work, I wanna bang on the drum all day.
%%
I don't want anybody else; when I think about you I touch myself.
%%
I don't want any yes-men around me.  I want everybody to tell me the
 truth even if it costs them their jobs.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
I don't want it now, I bloody well want it RIGHT now!
%%
I don't want it Now, or Right Now, I want it YESTERDAY!
%%
I don't want much out of life, just the bare necessities. A nice air
 conditioned harem with meals served five times a day by the slaves....
%%
I don't want no Commies in my car... no Christians either.
 -- REPO MAN
%%
I don't want no foo-foo haircut
Standing over my head!
 -- Mojo Nixon
%%
I don't want the world. I just want your half.
 -- They Might Be Giants
%%
I don't want to alarm anybody, but there is an excellent chance that
the Earth will be destroyed in the next several days.  Congress is
thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists
broadcast signals to alien beings.  This would be a large mistake.
Alien beings have nuclear blaster death cannons.  You cannot cut off
their federal programs as if they were merely poor people ...
 -- Dave Barry
 -- THE ALIENS ARE COMING, THE ALIENS ARE COMING!
%%
I don't want to be a cynic, but it's hard...
%%
I don't want to be a millionaire - just to live like one.
%%
I don't want to be literate, I just want to program.
%%
I don't want to be young again, I just don't want to get any older.
%%
I don't want to bore you, but there's nobody else around for me to bore.
%%
 I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know
 this is an answering machine?  Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's
 an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist.  One way to find
 out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you
 back.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
I don't want to catch anybody not drinking.
 -- Rule #4
%%
I don't want to die at 40.
 -- J. Lennon
%%
I don't want to die--existence is one of my strong points.
%%
I don't want to go into this in detail, but I would like to illustrate some
 of the tedium.
%%
I don't want to mention the restaurant in which this happened, but the
 other day I put in my order and the waitress disappeared, perhaps to have
 her hair done and get some incidental shopping out of the way, I don't
 know. I finally asked the manager if they were going to put the waitress's
 picture on the side of a milk carton.
%%
I don't want to panic, but my alphabet soup says, "Forget about me ... just
 try to save yourself."
 -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")
%%
I don't want to play coach - we're losing..
%%
I don't want to rule the Universe, I just want to see it.
%%
I don't want to say she was loose.  I believe the term we use today is
USER FRIENDLY.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I don't want to sound like a pessimist, but it has come to my attention
 that if you call for a Pizza right after you called the police because your
 house was robbed, the Domino Truck will get there first!
%%
I don't want to think.  I just want to be...
%%
I don't watch it, but I know enough to comment on it.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his opinions about
                   the TV show "Murphy Brown" [Las Vegas RJ 21 May 92]
%%
I don't wish my enemies dead... I say make them suffer.
%%
I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be
something to someone.
 -- Javan
%%
I don't work for no 'Toon!
%%
I do perceive here a divided duty.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
I do remember an apothecary,--
And hereabouts he dwells.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
I do so have a memory. It's in /usr.
%%
I dote on his very absence.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
I dote on his very absence.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I do then with my friends as I do with my books.  I would have them where I can
find them, but I seldom use them.
 -- Emerson
%%
I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture.
%%
I doubleclicked on "HELP", pointed at my wife, and the system crashed.
%%
I doubt, therefore I might be.
%%
I doubt the sincerety of Joycelyn Elder's Eric "Clapner" admiration.
%%
I doubt whether nurses are virgins.
%%
I do visit reality...  although it's on a tourist visa.
%%
I DO want your money, because god wants your money!
 -- The Reverend Jimmy, from _Repo Man_
%%
I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to
%%
I downloaded my brain.  Why are my blanks still disk?
%%
I'd prefer the non-smoking lifeboat, please.
%%
I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress
 -- Jane Siberry
%%
IDPS: Ignore Disk Protect Switch
%%
I'd put it on my to-do list, but I can't count that high.
%%
I'd quit the job of being me, but I have accumulated so much seniority.
 -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")
%%
I drank a beer once but I didn't swallow any of it.
%%
I drank SO much beer, when I ate a pretzel you could hear it splash.
%%
I drank WHAT???????
 -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
I'd Rather Be Anatomically Correct Than Politically So.
%%
I'd rather be angry than bored.
 -- Elvis
%%
I'd rather be assimilating - Borg Bumper sticker
%%
I'd rather be a woman than a man.  Women can cry, they can wear cute
clothes, and they're first to be rescued off sinking ships.
 -- Gilda Radner
%%
I'd rather be breathing.
 -- Bumper sticker on a hearse
%%
I'd rather be climbing.
%%
I'd Rather Be Computing Than COMMUTING!
%%
I'd rather be diving.
%%
I'd rather be lucky than good anyday!...
%%
I'd rather be Morally Correct than Politically Correct.
%%
I'd rather be out of my body and into yours!
%%
I'd rather be picking more daisies...
%%
I'd rather be playing hockey.
%%
I'd rather be programming.
%%
I'd rather be rich!
%%
I'd rather be rich than good-looking!
%%
I'd rather be rich than stupid.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I'd rather be riding a dragon.
%%
I'd rather be riding my BMW motorcycle.
%%
I'd rather be tried by twelve than carried by six.
%%
I'd rather be unconsciense than miserable.
 -- Elvis
%%
I'd rather be watching hockey.
%%
I'd rather be watching ST:TNG. [Star Trek: The Next Generation]
%%
I'd rather eat soap than little stones.
%%
I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400
people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of
Harvard University.
 -- William F. Buckley, Jr.
%%
I'd rather go to work than sit outside.
%%
I'd rather go whoring than warring.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
I'd rather have a cup of tea than go to bed with someone - any day.
%%
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
 -- the future Mrs. Stilt Man
%%
I'd rather have him inside the tent pissing out than outside the tent
pissing in.
 -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
%%
I'd rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in
 a plane built by the post office.
%%
I'd rather learn from somebody *else's* mistakes!
%%
I'd rather live by the side of the road and help some pilgrim along life's way.
%%
I'd rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy!
%%
I'd rather ride the Wave than wallow in QWKsand!
%%
I'd rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself
than to be crowded on a velvet cushion.
%%
I'd rather that a bigot mistake me for a lesbian than that a lesbian mistake
me for a bigot.
 -- Tovah Hollander
%%
I dread success.   To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment
he has succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual
becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
I'd really like to lay one across your teeth.
 -- Beverly
%%
I dreamed I met a Gallifreyan; a most amazing man...
%%
I dreamed I met God. He sneezed, and I didn't know what to say to him.
%%
I dreamed of a snail, sliding down the edge of a razor blade.
%%
I dream of the day that my tagline file is as big as yours.
%%
I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls,
With vassals and serfs at my side.
 -- Alfred Bunn (1790-1860)
 -- Song
%%
I'd resign from the human race, but I can't get my membership fee back.
%%
I'd resign from the human race, but where do I send my resignation?
%%
        I drink because she nags, he said
    I nag because he drinks.
      But if the truth be known to you,
     He's a lush and she's a shrew.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
I drink every known alcoholic drink and enjoy 'em all. I learned early in
 life how to handle alcohol and never had any trouble with it. The rules are
 simple as mud: first, never drink if you've got any work to do. Never. If
 I've got a job of work to do at ten o'clock at night I won't take a drink
 until that time. Secondly, never drink alone. That's the way to become a
 drunkard. And thirdly, even if you haven't got any work to do, never drink
 while the sun is shining. Wait until it's dark. By that time you're near
 enough to bed to recover quickly.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
I drink from the vial marked `POISON' on the off chance that someone put
 a potion of extra healing in by accident.
%%
I drink no more than a sponge.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. v
%%
I drink, therefore I am.
%%
I drink to make other people interesting.
 -- George Jean Nathan
%%
I drink to the general joy o' the whole table.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
I drive a mussel car - with overhead clams.
%%
I drive fast. I drive safely. The two are *not* mutually exclusive, contrary
 to popular delusion.
 -- CCb
%%
I drive OS/2 now cause I'm sick of being a crash dummy for Windows.
%%
I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me!!
%%
I drop trou and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture of contempt.
%%
* I'd say it's an element of any post-allegorical discussive climax of
the positionist stance. Either that or a load of bollocks.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
I'd Say More But I've Run Out of Time & Space.
%%
I'd settle for lies...
%%
I'd started making up this revenge list, like people I'd like to get sooner
 or later. And the hang-up about doing this is that you're worried about
 them dying and you won't get the chance. So I started to get different ways
 to be offensive at the funerals:

 Shake the widow's hand with an electric buzzer. Stand around the cemetery
 saying, "At least he'll no longer be tormented over being impotent." Tell
 the clergyman that the deceased was a vampire and ask if you can drive a
 stake through his heart ... On the way home from the cemetery, tell the
 widow that you're not sure, but you think that you saw the body move.
 -- Ed Bluestone
%%
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
%%
I'd tell you more more, but you might blush.
%%
I'd trust Rush Limbaugh with my daughter, but not with my son.
%%
I dunno.
%%
I dunno...I'll have to think about it...I've thought about it. It's
  a brilliant plan.
 -- Edmund to Amy : Amy and Amiability
%%
I'd walk miles to see your smiles... uh... kilometres to see your thermometers!
%%
I earn what I eat, get what I wear, owe no man hate, envy no man's
happiness, glad of other men's good, content with my harm.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
        I eat breakfast 300 yards from 2000 troops trained
        to kill me, so don't think for one second that you
        can come down here in your fagitty-ass whites, flash
        your badge, and make me nervous.
 -- From "A few good men"
%%
I eat junk food to get it out of the house.
%%
I eat swiss cheese.  But I only nibble on it.  I make the holes bigger.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I eat swiss cheese from the inside out.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
IEEE -- what you say when you're taking a hot shower and
someone flushes the toilet.
%%
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
I em a wuunderfull spelur.  I tipe vari gud two.
%%
I embrace poverty! To annoy me, send money.
%%
I encourage all Americans to visit Iraq. Come for Thanksgiving, come for
    Christmas.  You will be welcomed with open arms.
 -- Mohammed Al-Mashad, Iraqi Ambassador to the U.S.
%%
I enjoy being a highly overpaid actor.
 -- Roger Moore
%%
I enjoyed, and <SWIPED< thos prisoner taglines.  Thanks!  I noticed that
%%
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
%%
I entered this message just to use this tagline.
%%
I entertain myself by trying to get my computer to work.
%%
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame
 everything on.
 -- Oscar Levant
%%
IEOF: Ignore End Of File
%%
I err, therefore I exist.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
I escaped from a political correction facility.
%%
I escaped from the Liberal Plantation.
%%
I even feel alone when you're near, 'cause you'll never understand.
%%
I even reformatted it, but I still can't read my file?!
%%
I exist as I am, that is enough.
 -- Walt Whitman
%%
I expect nothing.  I fear no one.  I am free.
 -- Nikos Kazantzakis
%%
I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.
 -- George Meredith
%%
If 10% is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for Uncle Sam.
 -- Ray Stevens
%%
If 4 bits = a nibble; 8 = a byte, doesn't 16 = a mouthful
%%
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the
 doors?
%%
If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
at about 30 miles/second.
 -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
%%
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
 -- Roy Santoro
%%
If a = b and b = c, then we've got a messed up alphabet.
%%
If a binary digit is a bit, what is a trinary digit?
%%
If a block is moved, then it is no longer where it was, and it
is now where it is.
 -- Ben Aveling - Planning for conjunction goals - CS Hons 1992
%%
If a book and a head collide and a hollow sound is
heard, is it always the fault of the book?
%%
If a butterfly flaps its wings in Brazil, a hurricane floods Japan.  Help
save the world, rip the wings off a butterfly.
%%
If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.
 -- Paul White
%%
If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus
forecast is a camel's behind.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
If A. can prove, however conclusively, that he may, of right enslave B,
why may not B snatch the same argument, and prove equally, that he
may enslave A.  You say A is white and B is black.  It is color, then;
the lighter, having the right to enslave the darker?  Take care.  By
this rule, you are to be slave to the first man you meet with a fairer
skin than your own.
You do not mean color exactly?  You mean the whites are
intellectually the superiors of the blacks and therefore have the right
to enslave them?  Take care again.  By this rule, you are to be slave to
the first man you meet with an intellect superior to your own.
But, say you, it is a question of interest; and, if you can make it
your interest, you have the right to enslave another.  Very well.  And
if he can make it his interest, he has the right to enslave you.
 -- Abraham Lincoln, 1854.
%%
If a cat spoke, it would say things like "Hey, I don't see a problem here."
%%
If a chicken and a half can lay and egg and a half in a day and a half on a
 nest and half, how long will it take a little old red rooster sitting on a
 solid brass door knob to hatch a hardware store if the train is going East
 at forty miles an hour and the river is rising at six inches per hour in a
 strong cross wind? (If you do get the correct answer, please keep it to
 yourself!)
%%
If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair.  If this doesn't work,
use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
%%
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
 -- Dorothy Law Nolte
%%
If a child shows himself incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly
 beheaded at the age of twelve.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind,
Of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?
 -- Albert Einstein.
%%
 If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
 -- Lyall's Conjecture
%%
If a computer can't directly address all the RAM you can use, it's just a toy.
 -- anonymous comp.sys.amiga posting, non-sequitur
%%
If a course requires a prerequisite, a student will not have had it.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
%%
If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a
lever to get a fix of something, to its own detriment, then I would
conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
 -- Rob Stampfli
%%
If a dependent clause precedes an independent
clause put a comma after the dependent clause.
%%
If a dog bites you 1,048,576 times, is that a megabite?
%%
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat
does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
If a dragonrider had a pet wolf, it'd be a weyr-wolf!
%%
If a due participation of office is a matter of right, how are vacancies
to be obtained? Those by death are few; by resignation, none.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- Letter to Elias Shipman and others of New Haven, July 12, 1801
%%
If A equals B then you're probably fucked.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
If A equals success, then the formula is:
    A = X + Y + Z
 Where X is work, Y is play and Z is keep your mouth shut.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
If a faith healer has to have false teeth, wear glasses and use a hearing
 aid, well, so much for Oral Roberts!
%%
If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty,
 he gets actors.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
If a ferret bites you it is nearly always your own fault.
 -- Phil Drabble
%%
If a fish falls out of the sky, is it an act of cod?
%%
If a fish is the movement of water embodied, given shape,
then a cat is a diagram and pattern of subtle air
 -- Doris Lessing
%%
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
%%
If a fool would persist in his folly he would become wise.
 -- William Blake
%%
If after a considerable time and great discussion, you have finally come to
 the point where you can agree on a solution, the solution itself will bring
 about fifteen other problems far worse than the one for which the solution
 was found, which brought about the discussion in the first place.
%%
If after every tempest come such calms,
May the winds blow till they have waken'd death!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please
my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
if (age(dog) = old) then num_tricks := MAXTRICKS;
%%
If a generalist delights to find a law he is ecstatic when he finds a law about
laws. If laws in his eyes are good, laws about laws are delicious and are most
praiseworthy objects of search.
 -- Boulding
%%
If a great deal of time has been expended seeking the answer to a
problem, with the only result being failure, the answer will be immediately
obvious to the first unqualified person who comes along.
%%
If a group of N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be N-1 passes.
Someone in the group has to be the manager.
 -- T. Cheatham
%%
If a guy tells me the probability of failure is
 1 in 10E5, I know he's full of crap.
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988)
 -- "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
If a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
 -- New Testament
 -- Mark iii, 25
%%
I failed my blood test! I didn't study.
%%
I fail to understand how a five-foot android with heuristic learning
  systems and the strength of ten men can be called a child.
You've never been a parent.
 -- Picard and Troi, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
If a job's worth doing, the Japanese have probably already done it.
%%
If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four
hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where
it votes guilty.
 -- Joseph C. Goulden
%%
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God
 is crying."  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him
 is "Probably because of something you did."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only
save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
%%
If Albert Einstein were alive today, he'd run Wildcat!
%%
If alcohol is bad, why are there more old drunks than old doctors?
%%
If a lie is repeated often enough all the dumb jackasses in
the world not only get to believe it, they even swear by it.
 -- B.B. Franklin
%%
If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist.
 When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts and start eating everybody.
 That Alien!
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
%%
If a listing has a beginning it has an end.
 -- Brunk's Law of Programming
%%
If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream
less but to dream more, to dream all the time.
 -- Marcel Proust
%%
If all children had obeyed their parents,
 we would still live in the stoneage.
%%
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
 error.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
If all I'm offered is a choice between monopolistic privilege with
regulation and monopolistic privilege without regulation, I'm afraid
I have to opt for the former.
 -- Nicholas Johnson
%%
If all is not lost, then where is it?
%%
If all mankind were to disappear, the world would regenerate back
to the rich state of equilibrium that existed ten thousand years ago.
If insects were to vanish, the environment would collapse into chaos.
 -- Edward O. Wilson
%%
If all men are potential rapists, then all women are potential whores.
%%
If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four
friends in the world.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
If all men were brothers, would you want one to marry your sister?
 -- the title of a Theodore Sturgeon short story.
%%
If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone
must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take
their own and depart.
 -- Socrates
%%
If all philosophers were required to present their ideas in novels,
 to dramatize the exact meaning and consequences of their philosophies
 in human life, there would be far fewer philosophers -- and far better
 ones.
 -- Ayn Rand

...and a lot more really bad novels!
 -- Jeremy York, jeremy@milton.acs.washington.edu
%%
If all sex is rape, then are lovers acquaintance rape survivors?
%%
If all sex is rape, then marriage is legalized prostitution.
%%
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end,
 it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
If all the Chinese simultaneously jumped into the Pacific off a 10 foot
platform erected 10 feet off their coast, it would cause a tidal wave
that would destroy everything in this country west of Nebraska.
%%
If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, it
would probably be a good thing.
%%
If all the girls attending it [the Yale Prom] were laid end to end,
I wouldn't be at all surprised.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
If all the good people were clever;
And all clever people were good,
The world would be nicer than ever
We thought that it possibly could.
 -- Elizabeth Wordsworth
 -- Good and Clever
%%
If all the ladies bend over, I would be very happy.
%%
If all the people in China stood up on chairs, and, at the same moment,
 jumped down on the ground, we would be in deep, deep trouble.
%%
If all the people in this world in which we live were as selfish
as a few of the people in this world in which we live, there would
be no world in which to live.
 -- W. L. Orme
%%
If all the rich people in the world divided up their money amongst
 themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around.
 -- Christina Stead
%%
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
 across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
 -- AMAZING BUT TRUE...
%%
"If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and
expain that it's vitally important that you get away before your phone
bill arrives." - Douglas Adams.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move
To live with thee, and be thy love.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- The Nymph's Reply to the Passionate Shepherd
%%
If all the world's a stage, I sure got lousy seats.
%%
If all the world's a stage, I want better lighting.
%%
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
 -- Paul Beatty
%%
If all the world's a stage, who's doing the sound???
%%
If all the world's a stage, who sprung the trap door on me?
%%
If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a
conclusion.
 -- William Baumol
%%
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
%%
If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
If all things turned to smoke, the nose would be the discriminating organ.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
 -- Baruch's Observation
%%
If a loafer is not a nuisance to you, it is a sign that you are
 somewhat of a loafer yourself.
%%
If a machine can be made so that an idiot can use it,
then only an idiot will use it.
 -- Tadao Ichikawa
%%
If a man boasts a great deal about what he is going to do tomorrow, it is
 timely to check into what he did yesterday!
%%
If a man chooses to do evil... it becomes my
 sacred duty to bash him to a pulp.
 -- Crime Crusher, an old 40's pulp superhero
%%
If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.
%%
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers
 become his heirs.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life, he soon
will find himself alone. A man should keep his friendship in constant repair.
 -- Johnson
%%
If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall
live no longer in monument than the bell rings, and the widow weeps.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
If a man had a child who'd gone anti-social, killed perhaps, he'd
  still tend to protect that child.
 -- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4731.3.
%%
If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for,
he isn't fit to live.
 -- Martin Luther King
%%
If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful.
 -- Haskins
%%
If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of
fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.
 -- Herodotus
%%
If a man is happy in his work, exerting himself to the full extent
of his capabilities, and enjoying it, I'd say he's a success.
 -- William Romain
%%
If a man is notified he has been appointed to serve on the rules committee
 for a certain tournament he should instantly remember that he must attend
 an important business meeting in Khartoum.
 -- Herbert Warren Wind
%%
If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
If a man knows where to get good advice, it is as though he could supply it
 himself.
 -- Goethe
%%
If a man look sharply and attentively, he shall see Fortune; for though
she is blind, she is not invisible.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Fortune
%%
If a man remembers what is right at the sign of profit, is ready to lay
 down his life in the face of danger, and does not forget sentiments he
 has repeated all his life when he has been in straitened circumstances
 for a long time, he may be said to be a complete man.
 -- Confucius
 -- Analects, XIV.12
%%
If a man runs after money - that man is money-crazy. If a man keeps the
 money he earns - he is a capitalist. If a man spends the money he earns -
 he is a playboy. If a man doesn't get any money for what he does - he is
 stupid. If a man doesn't try to get some money - he lacks ambition. If a
 man gets money without working for it - he is a parasite. If a man saves
 money from a life of hard work - he is a fool who never enjoyed life. If a
 man gives his money to the poor - he is just showing off. If a man doesn't
 give his money to the poor - he is a tight-wad. If a man leaves his money
 to his wife - he is making up for his vileness on this earth. If a man
 doesn't leave his money to his wife - the marriage was just a sham anyway.
 This is why they call money the root of all evil - no matter what you do
 with it, someone is unhappy.
%%
If a man's down, kick him! If he survives it, he has an opportunity to rise
 above it. I've always said it's more blessed to give than to receive.
 -- Brother Dave Gardner
%%
If a man wants to borrow trouble, he never needs collateral.
%%
If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he entitled
to happiness?
 -- Stanislaw Lec
 -- Unkempt Thoughts
%%
If a man will go as far as he can see, he will be able to see farther
when he gets there.
%%
If a man would register all his opinions upon love, politics, religion,
and learning, what a bundle of inconsistencies and contradictions
would appear at last!
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
If a man write a better book, preach a better sermon, or make a better
mouse-trap than his neighbour, tho' he build his house in the woods, the
world will make a beaten path to his door.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
If a man writes a better book, preaches a better sermon, or beds a
 better whore than his neighbor, though he builds his domicile deep in
 the woods, the world will beat a path to his door to find out who the
 better whore was.
%%
If Americans have TagLines, do the English have TagQueues?
%%
If Amiga is so good, why isn't there any software for it?
%%
If a million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
 -- Anatole France
%%
If an animal does something, they call it instinct. If we do exactly the
 same thing for the same reason, they call it intelligence. Entomologists
 say that ants, for example, are guided entirely by instinct and not by
 intelligence. They say the ants do not know what they are doing. And do the
 entomologists know what they are doing? Besides watching ants, I mean. I'm
 only asking. I guess what they mean is that we all make mistakes, but
 intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.
 -- Will Cuppy
%%
If an apparently severe problem manifests itself, no solution is
acceptable unless it is involved, expensive, and time-consuming.
%%
If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters,
they MIGHT write all the books in the British museum.
 -- Sir Arthur Eddington
%%
If a Nation expects to be ignorant and free in a state of civilization, it
expects what never was and never will be ... If we are to gaurd against
ignorance and remain free, it is the responsibility of every American to
be informed.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and
the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will
lose that, too.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
If an author write better than his contemporariee healing dew?
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
If ancient tales say true, nor wrong these holy men.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 7
%%
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
 -- Finagle's First Law
%%
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
 -- Bowie's Theorem
%%
If an hour has been spent amending a sentence, someone will
move to delete the paragraph.
 -- Kim's Rule of Committees
%%
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and
be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
 -- Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis
%%
If an infinite number of rednecks, driving an infinite number of pickup
trucks, fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number
of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great
literary works, in Braille.
 -- Omni Magazine
%%
If an item is advertised as under $50, you can bet it's not $19.95.
 -- McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom
%%
If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?
Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There's nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
 -- Charles Follen Adams, An Orthographic Lament
%%
If Anthony Hopkins starred in DS9's "Duet": "_Thank_ you, Neryssss."
%%
If anybody comes up to you and says, "My kid is a conservative--why is
 that?" You say, "Remember in the '60s when we told you if you kept using
 drugs your kids would be mutants?"
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
If any invention marks the decline of human civilization, I think
it would have to be the snooze alarm.  The snooze alarm is based on
the idea that when the alarm goes off, you are not getting up... They
should sell the snooze alarm with an unemployment application and
a bottle of tequila.  Just make it a complete pathetic-loser kit.
 -- Jerry Seinfeld, comedian and actor.
%%
If any man can convince me and bring home to me that I do not think
or act aright, gladly will I change; for I search after truth, by
which man never yet was harmed. But he is harmed who abideth on still
in his deception and ignorance.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vi, 21
%%
If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all
 I have to say.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all
men liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But
let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.
 -- James 1:5,6
%%
If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to
not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.
     T. Lehrer
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
If anyone else has any workable code, PLEASE POST IT!!!
%%
If anyone has an idea why do I this, keep it to yourself.
%%
If anyone wants to trade a couple of centrally located, well-cushioned
showgirls for an eroded slope 90 minutes from Broadway, I'll be on this
corner tomorrow at 11 with my tongue hanging out.
 -- S. J. Perelman
%%
If any program is useful, it will be changed until it is completely useless.
%%
If any, speak; for him have I offended. I pause for a reply.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate.
 -- Murphy's Law of Government
%%
If anything can go wrong, it will.
 -- Murphy's Law
%%
If anything can go wrong with Monty Python, it will.
%%
If anything can't go wrong, it will.
 -- Scnatterly's Summing Up Of The Corollaries (of Murphy's Law)
%%
If anything I have said offends you, well that's just too bad.   :)
%%
If anything is sacred the human body is sacred.
Walt Whitman, "I Sing The Body Electric"
%%
If anything is used to it's full potential, it will break.
 -- Poulson's Prophecy
%%
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will
 anyway.
 -- Murphy's Fifth Law
%%
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
%%
If apathy doesn't bother me, I won't bother it.
%%
If a person (a) is sick, (b) receives treatment intended to make him better,
and (c) gets better, then no power of reasoning known to medical science can
convince him that it may not have been the treatment that restored his health.
 -- Sir Peter Medawar, The Art of the Soluble
%%
If a person deceives you once, shame on that person. If a person deceives
 you twice, shame on you! For of all hard things to bear and grin, the
 hardest is being taken in.
%%
If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut
up about it.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD
 for MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE
 of a GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If a person never succeeds, how do you know they're trying?
%%
If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was
intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures.   Simply watch
your chance and hit him with a brick.
 -- Mark Twain, Advice to Youth Speech, 1882
%%
If a person wants to be atheistic it's his God-given right to be an atheist
 -- Michael Patton
%%
If a pessimist is always right, is he a realist?
%%
If a picture is worth a thousand words, get SVGA.
%%
If a pitbull humps your leg, fake an orgasm!
%%
If a political candidate chooses to go into specifics on a program
that affects a voter's self-interest, the voter get interested. If
the proposal involves money, he gets very interested.
 -- Stuart Spencer
%%
If appearances are deceitful, then they do not deserve any confidence
when they assert what appears to them to be true.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pyrrho, xi
%%
If a President died in office, then it's a certainty that he was elected
in a year ending in zero.
%%
If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
%%
If a problem causes too many meetings, the meetings eventually
become more important than the problem.
 -- Hendrickson's Law
%%
If a program crashes in the forest, does it make a sound?
%%
If a program isn't working, expand it.
 -- Taylor's 2nd Law of Administration
%%
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
 -- The Third Law of Computer Programming
%%
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
 -- The Fourth Law of Computer Programming
%%
If a project requires 'n' components, there will be 'n-1' units in stock.
%%
If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have
dropped.  The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to
maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it
must drop.  The law of gravity supercedes the law of golf.
 -- Donald A. Metz
%%
If a Real Man doesn't eat quiche, just what does his diet consist of?
 Essentially, Real Men are meat and potatoes eaters. Real Men eat beef. They
 eat frozen peas. And watermelon. Plus French fries and apple pie (two
 important diet staples). As a general rule, Real Men won't eat anything
 that is poached, sauteed, minced, blended, glazed, curried, flambeed,
 stir-fried, or en brochette ... and above everything else--all trends
 aside--Real Men refuse to refer to spaghetti as pasta.
 -- Bruce Feirstein
%%
I fart in your general direction.
%%
If a schlemazl sold umbrellas, it would stop raining; if he sold
candles, the sun would never set; and if he made coffins, people
would stop dying.
%%
If a scientist uncovers a publishable fact, it will become
central to his or her theory.
 -- Mann's Law
His or her theory, in turn, will become central to all
scientific thought.
 -- Corollary
%%
If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible
sequence.
 -- The Extended Murphy's Law
%%
If a shopkeeper kicks you out of his shop, he'll kick you out of the dungeon.
%%
If a single fly can have 1,000 kids, think what a married fly could do.
%%
If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur
simultaneously with a compelling distraction.
 -- Hutchinson's Law
%%
If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper,
such as a sheet of stamps or a check,
that line becomes the strongest part of the paper.
 -- Kington's Law of Perforation
%%
If a string has one end, it has another.
 -- Miksch's Law
%%
If astrology is superstitious,than how come weather forecasting is a science?
%%
If a stud cat gets fixed, it's broken.
%%
If a student has to study, he will claim that the course is unfair.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question,
look at him as if he had lost his senses.
When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.
 -- Spark's Sixth Rule for Managers
%%
If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other,
it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXVI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
If a sufficient number of people who wanted to stop war really did
gather together, they would first of all begin by making war upon
those who disagreed with them.  And it is still more certain that
they would make war on people who also want to stop wars but in another way.
 -- Gurdjieff (1873-1949)
%%
If a system does not have a payback for a given individual in the information
chain,cthe information will get corrupted at the level of that individual,
and become worse as it travels up the chain.
 -- Taber's First Law of Manufacturing Information Systems
 -- Pat Taber
%%
If a system is of sufficient complexity, it will be
written before it's designed, implemented before it's
tested, and obsolete before it's debugged.
%%
If a talk show lasts a couple of months today, it is forced to recycle
 sexual aberrations and shuffle the guests around a bit more.
%%
If at all possible, you should avoid being a young person or a wheat
 farmer when the president starts feeling international tension.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
If a taxpayer thinks he can cheat safely, he probably will.
 -- Diogenes
%%
If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good
attitude.   If it has a good attitude, it will make a commitment to
playing the game right.  If it plays the game right, it will win --
unless, of course, it doesn't have enough talent to win, and no manager
can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?
 -- Sparky Anderson
%%
If a test system function perfectly, all production units will fail.
 -- The RPCISPE's Seventh Universal Law
%%
If at first you don't exceed, try, try again.
%%
If at first you don't find a way to do what no one else has done, then
 invite your friend to try it.
%%
If at first you don't find success, there
 is no use being obstinate about it.
%%
If at first you don't menage, trois, trois again.
%%
If at first you don't recede, DIET, DIET, again!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, add NT and try again.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, blame everyone else.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the teacher.
 -- Stacey Bass
%%
If at first you don't succeed, blame your computer.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air-strike.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air-strike.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #28
%%
If at first you don't succeed, call it NT.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, call the author.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, cheat!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, cry a lot.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, del *.* and forget it.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were trying.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that
you've tried.
 -- Fahnestock's Rule for Failure
%%
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your thing.
 -- Warren Miller
%%
If at first you don't succeed, fake it!!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, fall back and punt.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, find someone to blame it on.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, fix bayonets.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, forget it.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, format C:
%%
If at first you don't succeed, give up.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, give up? -- Not this kid!!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, go back and study something else.
%%
If at first you don't succeed,
have you considered becoming a personnel officer?
%%
If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, hit the reset button.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, ignore the docs...
%%
If at first you don't succeed, join the club.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, kill all the witnesses.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, lie, lie again.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, parachuting isn't for you.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, pull the plug. 8-)
%%
If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, put out a bug fix.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, put out another version (KWQ).
%%
If at first you don't succeed, quit. Don't be a nut about success.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, read the book!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, read the documentation.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, reload.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, rewrite it from scratch.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, screw it and try something else.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, sleep on it.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving.
 -- David Zimmerman
%%
If at first you don't succeed, stand back, give way, and let others make
 fools of themselves, so you'll have company.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, stand on your head and eat an alligator liver.
Alligator liver has the strange effect of making it all seem so profoundly
hopeless that you just don't care anymore.
 -- Ambidextrous Rex
%%
If at first you don't succeed, sue for 5 million dollars.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, that is only to be expected- there is a little
bit of good even in the best of us. (No one is as good as he thinks he is.)
%%
If at first you don't succeed, the hell with it.
%%
 If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
 -- Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try again at second base.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try again -
if you still fail, give up - no sense being
a damn fool about it.
 -- W.C. Fields
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try a Redhead.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try cash !
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try following the instructions.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try second, third or shortstop.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try skydiving ...
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try someone else.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
 -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again, then quit and get tanked.
 -- Steve Dallas
%%
If at first you don't succeed, well...darn.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, well, so much for jevelin catching!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, well, so much for mountain climbing.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, well, so much for Russian Roulette.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, work for MicroSoft!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you are running about average.
 -- M.H. Alderson
%%
If at first you don't succeed,
you have the potential of being a NASA engineer!
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you'll get lots of advice.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you may be at your level of incompetence
 already.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you must be doing something wrong.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you must be using Windows...
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
 -- Leonard Levinson
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you're fired.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you've failed failed again.
%%
If at first you don't Suckseed, Keep Suckin till you do Sukseed.
%%
If at first you DO succeed, pretend you know what you're doing.
%%
If at first you do succeed--try to hide your astonishment.
 -- Harry F. Banks
%%
If at first you doubt, doubt again, and again ...
%%
If at first you fail, try to shift the blame!
%%
If at first you never succeed, never try Russian roulette..
%%
If at first you succeed, don't let your boss know or he
 will expect it all the time.
%%
If atheism is to be used to express the state of mind in which God is
identified with the unknowable, and theology is pronounced to be a
collection of meaningless words about unintelligible chimeras, then
I have no doubt, and I think few people doubt, that atheists are as
plentiful as blackberries...
 -- Leslie Stephen (1832-1904), literary essayist, author
%%
If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself some
dope will do it.
 -- Eric Frank Russell
%%
If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
 -- Richard A. Leahy
%%
If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936), "Folly and Female Education"
%%
If a tool is put away when you're sure it won't be needed again, it
will...soon.
 -- Law of Annoyance
%%
If a town has one lawyer, he starves; if it has two lawyers, they
both get rich.
%%
If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station?
 -- ...understanding The Work Environment...
%%
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to demo it,
does it make a sound?
%%
If a wife does not cause all your troubles, she at least conveniently
 symbolizes them at times.
 -- Don Herold
%%
If a woman attended an American high school between 1930 and 1965,
chances are that no one paid attention to anything but her brains
unless she took the utmost care to conceal them.
 -- Susan Jacoby
%%
If a woman seeks education it is probably because her sexaul apparatus is
malfunctioning.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
If a women changed her sex, what would her religion be? She would be a he-then.
%%
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
if (ax^2 + bx + c) equals zero, who cares about x?
%%
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only
 four tellers?
%%
If beauty is only skin deep, you must have been born inside out.
%%
if ( beebop = TRUE ) then dowop else dowaditty
%%
If beer finishes before you, you can have another.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would
 have changed the history of music...and of aviation.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
If being quoted makes you feel important, it is about time that you go out
 and purchase a parrot.
%%
If better is possible, good is not enough.
%%
If Bill and Hillary divorce...who gets the house?
%%
If Bill didn't inhale, Hillary didn't swallow.
%%
If birth is a miracle, is not death also a miracle?
%%
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
 -- Spanky (Steve McFarlin)
%%
If both Alsops say it's true, it can't be so.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage.
%%
If brains were C-4, Bill Clinton couldn't blow his nose!
%%
If brains were C-4, Saddam Hussein couldn't blow his nose.
%%
If brains were C-4, you couldn't blow your nose!
%%
If brains were cotton, he wouldn't have enough to Kotex a flea.
%%
If brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.
%%
If brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to drive a dinky.
%%
If brains were lard, he'd be hard pressed to grease a small pan.
%%
If brains were outlawed, nothing would change.
%%
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
%%
If brains were water, hers wouldn't be enough to baptize a flea.
%%
IF (!Brain) THEN Close(Output);
%%
if ( !broke ) don't_fix();
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, Jolt Cola
would be a Fortune-500 company.
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, you'd be
able to buy a nice little colonial split-level at Babbages for $34.95.
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
 -- Weinberg's Second Law
%%
If bulls have horns, why do they MOO instead of honk?
%%
If bulls**t could fly, Rush Limbaugh would be a space shuttle.
%%
If buttered toast always lands butter-side up, and a cat always lands on its
 feet. What would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast on the back of
 a cat?

 The whole assemblage will rotate slowly about a foot off the floor.
%%
If called by a panther...don't anther.
 -- Ogden Nash (1902-1971), "Parents Keep Out!"
%%
If cars = horsepower, why not boats = fishpower?
%%
If chance will have me king, why, chance may crown me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
If change is -- inevitable -- predictable -- beneficial -- doesn't
logic demand that you be a part of it?
One man cannot summon the future.
But one man can change the present!
 -- Kirk and the Alternate Spock, "Mirror, Mirror," stardate unknown
%%
If Chekov owned a computer, would it be a Wax?
%%
If children knew what their parents were really like, they'd kill them
 in their sleep.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant.
%%
If Christine and Mandy were convicted of anything, it was probably
perjury or some such. I don't remember the legal details; I was only
interested in the smut at the time.
 -- anonymous usenetter on the details of the Profumo affair
%%
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be:
a Christian.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
If cigarettes are the leading cause of most household
 fires in America, why do so many firemen smoke?
 -- chevyn
%%
If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in
James Watt's office.
 -- Wayne Shannon, KRON-TV
%%
If Clinton can do it, Americans should make their votes retroactive.
%%
If Clinton didn't inhale, how come his brain is fried?
%%
If Clinton didn't inhale, then Dan Quayle is a world class speller.
%%
If Clinton's lips are moving, he's lying.
%%
If Clinton's so good, why does Arkansas have problems?
%%
If Clinton was only going to tax the rich, how'd I get rich so fast?
%%
If code was meant to be portable, it'd have wheels
%%
If Columbus had an advisory committee he
would probably still be at the dock.
 -- Justice Arthur Goldberg
%%
If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems
staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections and they
don't have upper body strength.  I mean, some do, but they're
relatively rare.  On the other hand, men are basically little piglets,
you drop them in the ditch, they roll around in it, doesn't matter, you
know.  These things are very real.  On the other hand, if combat
means being on an Aegis-class cruiser managing the computer controls
for twelve ships and their rockets, a female may be again dramatically
better than a male who gets very, very frustrated sitting in a chair all
the time because males are biologically driven to go out and hunt
giraffes.
 -- Newt Gingrich, Adjunct Professor, Reinhardt College,
 -- January 7, 1995, 'Renewing American Civilization'
%%
If Communism goes, I've still got the U.S. House of Representatives.
 -- Robert Novak
%%
If computers are so smart, why aren't they rich?
%%
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee
 -- that will do them in.
 -- Bradley's Bromide
%%
If computers save time, when do we get it back?
%%
If (computer_store_ahead=TRUE) hide_wallet();
%%
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
%%
If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius.
 -- Larry Leissner
%%
If Congress must do a painful thing,
the thing must be done in an odd-number year.
 -- Pickle's Law
%%
If Corn Oil Is Made From Corn, What's Baby Oil Made From?
%%
If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella.
%%
if (crash) grab_ankles(); kiss_xxx_goodbye()
%%
If crash occurs when using this program, discontinue use.
%%
IF(!CRASH()) _THANK_GOD();
%%
If criticism had any real power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
If Cthulhu calls... let the machine pick it up.
%%
If Death calls, take a message. I'll get back to her.
%%
If death occurs, please return product for full refund.
%%
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must
be the process of putting them in.
 -- Dykstra's Observation
%%
:ifdef out: /if'def owt/ v. Syn. for {condition out}, specific
   to {C}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
If Diet Coke did not exist it would have been necessary to invent it.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe
them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something
tells me "the Man" is behind this.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If $$$ doesn't grow on trees, why are they green?
%%
If (dog_age="old") then (num_tricks=max_tricks)
%%
If "dog" backwards is "god", what does "tac" mean?
%%
if (dog_bark == TRUE) mailman == present;
%%
If (Dog_bark = true) then letter:=arrived;
%%
If dogs had catapults, would cats be safe in trees?
%%
If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
%%
If DOS was an airline, would you purchase a ticket?
%%
I Fear A State That Kills Far More That I Fear A Man Who Has Killed.
%%
I feared that the committee would decide to go with their previous decision
 unless I credibly pulled a full tantrum.
 -- dmr@alice.UUCP
%%
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
%%
I fear that one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze, and I won't know what to
 say.
 -- Ronnie Shakes
%%
I fear to love you, Sweet, because Love's the ambassador of loss.
 -- Francis Thompson, To Olivia
%%
I fear you must blame your own perverse urges.
 -- Picard
%%
I feel almost happy.
%%
I feel a random Act of Violence coming on.
%%
I feel better about world problems now!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I feel fine.....Everything seems a little smaller.
 -- Picard
%%
I feel fuzzier than a basket of kittens!
%%
I feel happy!  I feel happy! [THUD]
%%
..  I feel..  JUGULAR..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I feel lightheaded, Sam.  I think my brain
is out of air.     But it's kind of a neat feeling.
 -- Sam and Max, Freelance Police
%%
I feel like a 20-year old!  Unfortunately, there aren't any here.
 -- Milton Berle, at his 80th birthday party
%%
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
 -- William H. Mauldin, "Up Front" 1944
%%
I feel like alien cells are replicating and superseding my internal organs.
 -- Howard The Duck
%%
I feel like a man trapped in a man's body.
%%
I feel like a million...but one at a time,  please.
 -- Mae West
%%
I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I feel like a wimp going into a restaurant.
'What do you want to eat, sir? Broccoli?'
Broccoli's a side dish! Always has been,
always will be!
 -- Denis Leary
%%
I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I feel like I'm trapped in a Hemingway story. If I get
any more cryptic, I won't be able to talk at all.
%%
    I feel like one
    Who treads alone
Some banquet-hall deserted,
    Whose lights are fled,
    Whose garlands dead,
And all but he departed.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Oft in the Stilly Night
%%
I feel more like I do now than I did before I started
%%
I feel partially hydrogenated!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I feel so good I could do a week's work this afternoon.
%%
I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late
%%
I feel that the greatest reward for doing is the opportunity to do more.
 -- Jonas Salk
%%
I feel that this [1981] is my first year, that next year is an
election year, that the third year is the mid point and that the
fourth year is the last chance I'll have to make a record since the
last two years, I'll be a candidate again.  Everything I do in those
last two years will be posturing for the election.  But right now I
don't have to do that.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle
%%
   "I feel the Need..."
     "The Need..."
"FOR SPEED!"
 -- Maverick and Goose in "TOP GUN"
%%
If Einstein Had Been Black It would be E=MC Hammer.
%%
If either religion or science were infallible, it would incorporate the other.
%%
If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American
 a 55-year-old houseboy...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.
%%
I felt a great disturbance in The Force, as if 500 billion dollars cried out
 in terror, and suddenly vanished.
 -- Obi Ben Bosky, 10/19/87 Harold Feld, the BEM from Alderann
%%
I felt like I was in charge.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, after working the
     Panama Canal's locks
%%
I felt like poisoning a monk.
 -- Umberto Eco on why he wrote the novel The Name of the Rose.
%%
If Elvis ain't dead, let's kill him!
%%
If Elvis was so great how come he's buried in the yard like a hamster?
%%
If E=MC2, how many watts do my speakers take?
%%
If English does become the Official Language of the United States, will the
 mispronunciation of "Missouri" be a misdemeanor or a felony?
%%
If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #63
%%
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
 -- Williams and Holland's Law
%%
If enough reports are prepared and technical reviews are held, negative
information will always filter its way to senior management.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
If Ensign Ro Were Assimilated, She'd Be A Bajoran Borg
%%
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
%%
If ET married Peter Cetera, would he then be  ET Cetera ?
%%
If Europe should ever be ruined, it will be by its warriors.
 -- Montesquieu
%%
If ever I utter an oath again may my soul be blasted to eternal damnation!
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), St. Joan
%%
If ever out-argued, distract them with a hissy fit.
 -- Liberal Rule #35
%%
If Everton were playing down at the bottom of my garden,
 I'd draw the curtains.
%%
If every beer is made from the finest barley, selected grains, and choicest
hops, who makes beer with the inferior stuff?
%%
If everybody doesn't want it, nobody gets it.
 -- Price's Law
%%
If everybody is looking for it, then nobody is finding it. If we were
cultured, we would not be conscious of lacking culture. We would regard
it as something natural and would not make so much fuss about it.
And if we knew the real value of this word we would be cultured enough
not to give it so much importance.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quoted in: Jaime Sabartes, Picasso: portraits et souvenirs, ch. 9 (1946).
%%
If "everybody knows" such and such, then it ain't so, by at least
ten thousand to one.
%%
"'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said, in a hoarse growl,
'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'"
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
If every copy is an original and every original is a
 copy then what is real?
%%
If everyone believed in peace they
would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.
 -- Goebel's Observation on Utopia
%%
If everyone is on the bandwagon, who's gonna pull?
%%
If everyone is thinking alike then somebody isn't thinking.
 -- General George S. Patton
%%
If everyone lived forever, where would we all park!?
%%
If ever you had to kill someone, could you do it?
 -- Turlough, TERMINUS
%%
If everything had gone as planned, everything would have been perfect.
 -- BATF spokesperson on CNN 3/2/93, regarding failed raid attempt in TX.
%%
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
 -- Law of Life's Highway
%%
If everything must go wrong, don't bet on it.
 -- Murphy's Little Known Second Law
%%
If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.
 -- Murphy's Eighth Law
%%
If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.
%%
If evolution were a fact then cats would use can openers.
%%
If exercise is all that good for you, how come the doctor with the greatest
 seniority has the parking place closest to the hospital door?
%%
"... if exercising their judgment with discretion and honesty
they have a clear conviction that the charge of the court is wrong."
 -- Alexander Hamilton, advice to jurors to acquit
 -- against the judge's instructions
%%
If feminizm is the solution, then maybe the problem didn't exist.
%%
If fifty million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
"If fingerprints showed up on skin, I wonder who's I'd find on you"
 -- Stupid country song titles #5
%%
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
%%
If flies couldn't fly, would they be called walks?
%%
If folks don't want to do it, it's hard to keep them from it.
%%
If foolishness were a disease,
 no one could come within sight of a hospital.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
... If forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with
the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls
asleep or point out any mountains looming up ahead ...
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there is
an exception to every rule. If we accept "For every rule there is an exception"
as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception after all,
since the rule states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if
we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception to
the rule that for every rule there is an exception.
 -- Bill Boquist
%%
If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you
 haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little
 while.
 -- Joseph Schenck
%%
If Gamera were really The Friend Of All Children... he'd toast Barney.
%%
If Genghis Khan was alive today, he'd be a SYS
%%
If Glass=Empty .AND. Thirsty Then OpenTuborg
%%
if ((glass == EMPTY)&&(thirsty == YES)) open("Beer");
%%
If God be for us, who can be against us.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews viii, 31
%%
If God can't help you, how about Mr Coffee?
%%
If god considered woman a helpmeet for men. He must have had a poor opinion
 of men.
%%
If God didn't have a sense of humor, we wouln't be here.
%%
If God didn't love procrastinators, why did He invent tomorrow?
%%
If God didn't make homosexuals, there wouldn't be any.
%%
If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
%%
If God doesn't destroy San Francisco,
 He should apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah.
%%
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas,
 because that's what He's getting!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
"If God exists, why did he allow Nazis?"
"How should I know?  I don't even know how the can opener works."
 -- Woody Allen, "Hannah and her Sisters"
%%
If God goes to sleep will the universe dream?
%%
If God had intended for Texans to ski, he would have made
bullshit white.
%%
If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
%%
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
%%
If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
%%
If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
%%
If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in
 their Heads.
%%
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
 -- George Carlin
%%
If God had intended women to rule he would've given them penises
%%
If God had meant for penguins to fly, he would have given them wings.
%%
If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born
with green, baggy skin.
%%
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
%%
If God had meant us to eat fish fingers,
 he would have given fish fingers.
%%
If God had meant us to eat meringue, he would have made chickens fart more.
%%
If God had meant us to travel economy class, he would have made us narrower.
%%
If God had not created beer, man would have had to invent it.
%%
If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to
 invent it.
%%
If God had not invented computer games, man would have to do so.
%%
If God had not meant us to write on walls, he would never have
 given us an example.
%%
If God hadn't wanted me to be paranoid, He wouldn't
have given me such a vivid imagination
%%
If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to
  the airport.
 -- George Winters
%%
If God had wanted man to go around nude, He would have given him bigger hands.
%%
If God had wanted people to give blow jobs, he wouldn't have given
 them teeth.
%%
If God had wanted us to use the metric system,
 Jesus would have had 10 apostles.
%%
If God hath made this world so fair,
  Where sin and death abound,
How beautiful beyond compare
  Will paradise be found!
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Earth full of God's Goodness
%%
If God intended that the genitals were more important than the brain, he
 would've put a skull over the genitals. What the hell do you care if
 someone comes over and fools around with you and your genitals? What is it,
 it's a momentary thing. But you don't want anybody coming over and stroking
 your brains. They'll scramble your brains, you'll write the wrong check
 out, you'll lose money.
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
If God is all-knowing, does he know how it feels to be ignorant?
%%
If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
%%
If God is in charge, then I'm angry.  If He's not, then I'm scared.
%%
If God is love, and love is blind, then Ray Charles must be God. (uh-huh!)
%%
If God is omnipotent, why does he need my money?
%%
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
%%
If God is your co-pilot, SWITCH SEATS!
%%
If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
 -- Yiddish saying
%%
If God made us in His image we have certainly returned the compliment.
 -- Voltaire
%%
If God shuts one door, he opens another.
%%
If God told me to quit smoking,   I'd say 'Mind your own business.'
 -- Mike Vera
%%
If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
 -- Marvin Kitman
%%
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us airline tickets.
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a
candidate.
 -- Jerry Dreshfield
%%
If God wanted us to vote, He would have given us REAL candidates.
%%
If God were a woman, men would have vibrating dicks,
and three more tongues (strategically located).
 -- Daniel Mocsny
%%
If God were judge and jury, would there be ANY innocents in congress?
%%
If God were not a necessary Being of himself, he might almost seem
to be made for the use and benefit of men.
%%
if (!good_day) { sleep(until_next_day) };
%%
If good intentions are combined with stupidity, it is impossible
to outthink them.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
If goodness lead him not, yet weariness
May toss him to my breast.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Pulley
%%
IF gray_matter IS NULL THEN; GOTO dBASE; ENDIF
%%
If growing up were fun, I'd have done it already.
%%
If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
%%
If guns are outlawed, how will conservatives win any arguments?
%%
If guns are outlawed, how will statists collect taxes?
%%
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
%%
If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.
%%
If hard work is so good for you, how come the rich don't keep it all for
themselves?
 -- Jamaican saying
%%
If having children keeps you young, perhaps growing older has many more
 advantages than at first thought. For those who think that we still enjoy
 free speech in this country - just wait till you get your next telephone
 bill!
%%
If Heaven had looked upon riches to be a valuable thing, it would
not have given them to such a scoundrel.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Letter to Miss Vanbromrigh, Aug, 12, 1720
%%
If he be not fellow with the best king, thou shalt find the best king
of good fellows.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
If he had been born God, it was the clowns who would occupy the lowest
rungs of hell.
%%
If he had brains, he'd take them out and play with them.
%%
If he had half a brain, his ass would be lopsided.
%%
If he had two ideas in his head, they would fall out with each other.
 -- Johnson
%%
If Helen Keller is alone in a forest and falls, does she make a sound?
%%
If he lived his life over again, he'd still fall in love with himself.
%%
If her brains were put in a hummingbird, it would fly backwards.
%%
If her lips are on fire and she trembles in your arms, forget her. She's
 got malaria.
 -- Jackie Kannon
%%
If HE'S a DUCK, then I'm a dirty skunk! <BLAM!>
 -- Daffy Duck
%%
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
%%
If his brain were a TV, the slogan would be "All static, all the time!"
%%
If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock.
%%
If his mind was a book the pages would be stapled shut.
%%
If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable
must Man be of learning from experience.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
If homosexuality were normal, God would have created Adam and Bruce.
 -- Anita Bryant
%%
"If Horatio Nelson was in charge of this, he would not have waited for official
 authorization."
"Yes, a pretty impulsive fellow, if we are to believe the history books."
"History books ? Captain Hart, Horation Nelson was a personal friend !"
 -- Doctor Who - The Sea Devils, 1972
%%
if (horny(you_are)==YES) honk();
%%
If horses had wishes we'd all make,..Combustibles
%%
If hot air rises, why isn't D.C. in orbit around Venus?
%%
if (hours <= 8.0) {fclose(desk); goto home};
%%
If humanity profits from its mistakes,
we have a glorious future coming up.
 -- Sidney Hook
%%
If humans have orgasms, do the Borg have Borgasms?
%%
If hyperspace did not already exist, science
fiction writers would have had to invent it.
 -- Peter Oakley
%%
If I am correct, the rest of you are wrong!
%%
If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE
 will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If I am ever stuck on a respirator or a life-support system, I definitely
 want to be unplugged--but not till I get down to a size 8.
 -- Henriette Mantel
%%
If I am I because you are you, and if you are you because I am I, then I
 am not I, and you are not you: Hassidic rabbi
%%
If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
If I am not for others, what am I?
And if not now, when?
 -- Rabbi Hillel, 12th Century
%%
If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
If I am only for myself, what am I?
If not now, when?
 -- Rabbi Hillel
%%
If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Vit, Anon, p. 64 (Plumptre's Trans.)
%%
If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my
teacher.  I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and
the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.
 -- Confucius (B.C. 551-479)
%%
If I *argue* with you,I must take up a contrary position!
%%
If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a BMW?
%%
If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a Porsche?
%%
"If *I* can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought."
"Somebody has to save our skins." - Leia Organa
 -- ...understanding Product Support...
%%
If I can, can you?
%%
If I can catch him once upon the hip
I will feed fat the ancient grudge I bear him.
He hates our sacred nation, and he rails,
Even there where merchants most do congregate.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
If I can have honesty, it's easier to overlook mistakes.
 -- Kirk, "Space Seed," stardate 3141.9.
%%
If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
%%
If I can send the flower of the German nation into the hell of war without the
 smallest pity for the shedding of precious German blood, then surely I have
 the right to remove millions of an inferior race that breeds like vermin.
 -- Adolf Hitler
%%
If I can't be a star, I won't get out of bed.
 -- Elastica
%%
If I can't fix it, it's probably dead.
%%
If I can't give my brave boys a kind word and a big smile, what
  _can_ I give them?
Well, one or two ideas do suggest themselves, but you'd probably
  think they were unhygienic.
 -- Nurse Brown and Edmund : General Hospital
%%
If I can't have it all, I think I'll just cry a lot.
%%
If I can't play poker, what is the point?
%%
If I can't win, I don't want to play.
%%
If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on
 someone's lip.  Even if they smash you, ick!, you're all over their lip!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of
 parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If I could believe that this was said sincerely, I could put up with anything.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act i, Sc. 2, 96, (176.)
%%
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
If I could find a way to get [Saddam Hussein] out of there, even putting a
contract out on him, if the CIA still did that sort of a thing, assuming it
ever did, I would be for it.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
If I could go through the dorms and shoot people, exam pressures would be put
into perspective.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
If I could kick my own butt, I would amaze myself!
%%
If I could live my life again
That'll be the thing to be
A man who put stumbling blocks
In the lives of the likes of me
 -- Momus "I was a Maoist intellectual in the music industry".
%%
If I could predict fortunes, do you think I'd still be here?
%%
If I could put time in a bottle....
%%
If I could type, I'd be a great groprammer !
%%
If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the aftershave.
 -- Monty Python
%%
If I CROSSed your PATH, I'd end up HAPPY HUNTing you by DRIV(E)ing
%%
If I didn't have a Unix machine, I'd feel naked.
 -- Guess Who
%%
If I didn't have writing, I'd be running down the street hurling
grenades in people's faces.
 -- Paul Fussell
%%
If I didn't know any better, I'd be happy right now.
%%
If I didn't know now what I didn't know then...
%%
If I die, Baldrick, d'you think people would remember me?
...Yeah, of course they would. People would always be slapping each
  other on the shoulders and laughing and saying, 'Do you remember old
  Privy-Breath?'...
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Money
%%
If I die, bury me upside down so that the world can kiss my ass!
%%
If I die, I forgive you, if I recover, we shall see.
%%
If idiots could fly, Bill Clinton would be a 747.
%%
If idiots could fly, Congress would be an airport.
%%
If I'd known grandchildren would be so much fun, I
would have had them first
%%
If I do, fillip me with a three-man beetle.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go
 to hell.
 -- Jimmy Swaggart, 5/20/88
%%
If I do not want others to quote me, I do not speak.
 -- Phil Wayne
%%
If I don't do the things that are not worth doing who will?
%%
If I don't drive around the park, I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
 If I'm in bed each night by ten, I may get back my looks again.
    If I abstain from fun and such, I'll probably amount to much;
  But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
If I don't know I don't know, I think I know. If I don't know I know, I
 think I don't know
 -- R.D. Laing
%%
If I don't know your name, how am I supposed to tell my diary about you?
%%
If I don't make it back, please write o my mother and tell her
  that I've been alive all the time...it's just that I couldn't
  be bothered to get in touch with the old bat.
 -- Edmund to George : Nob and Nobility
%%
If I don't meet you no more in this world
Then I'll see you in the next one.
Don't be late
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
%%
If I don't see you soon, I'll see you later.
%%
If I do prove her haggard,
Though that her jesses were my dear heart-strings,
I 'ld whistle her off and let her down the wind,
To prey at fortune.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
If I download another byte, there will be an immediate Upload!
%%
If I drink this funny-looking beer, will my pee turn green, too?
%%
If I'd wanted it today, I'd have asked tomorrow..
%%
If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past ten years, about
600 people - including me - would be rotting in prison cells from
Rio to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous
commodity in the context of professional journalism.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist
 -- Fear and Loathing at the Superbowl, Rolling Stone (Feburary 15, 1973)
%%
If I ever become a mummy, I'm going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a
 boxing glove on a spring shoots out.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a certain
 lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tell the reader we are going to
 have fun with this thing.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If I ever get around to writing that language depompisifier, it will change
 almost all occurrences of the word paradigm into example or model.
 -- Herbie Blashtfalt
%%
If I ever get real rich, I hoe I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse-as when a man shoots himself.
%%
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land,
 because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression
 we are trying to convey with our store.  On the other hand, we would not
 prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's
 gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If I ever write a sex manual, I'd call it Ow, You're on My Hair.
 -- Richard Lewis
%%
If I explained what this tagline meant, I'd have to kill you.
%%
If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
%%
If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxxvii, 5
%%
If `if' statements had no `then' clauses,
%%
If if, then then.
 -- The Theorem Theorem
%%
I fight for what I believe in. I'm a mercenary, and
what I believe in is money.
%%
If ignorance is bliss, the White House must be heaven on earth!
%%
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
%%
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
%%
If ignorance is no excuse, what good is it?
%%
If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what is.
%%
If I go insane, please don't put your wires in my brain ...
%%
I figured there was this holocaust, right, and the only ones left alive were
 Donna Reed, Ozzie and Harriet, and the Cleavers.
 -- Wil Wheaton explains why everyone in Star Trek: The Next Generation
        is so nice
%%
I figure I'm pretty good with the bullshit but I love listening
 to an expert. Keep talking.
%%
I figure it's survival of the fittest. The dumb one's will die.
 -- John Bachar
%%
I figure that the best way to figure what the IRS will figure is to get
 them to figure what you are figuring that they will figure that you are not
 really figuring what you want them to figure that you figure. If you figure
 all of this out sufficiently, you have got to figure that they can't figure
 you out in the first place.
%%
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play
or not.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
If I had a belt like yours, I could be an Elvis impersonator.
%%
If I had a Life I would be living it.
%%
If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be
 a better way.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If I had a nickel for every bug...
%%
If I had any humility I would be perfect.
 -- Ted Turner
%%
If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
%%
If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the
plantation and
go home.
 -- Eugene P. Gallagher
%%
If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th'collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If I had a rocket launcher, some son-of-a-bitch would die!
%%
If I had a twit filter, how could I read messages from me
%%
If I had finished this sentence.
 -- Hofstadter
%%
If I had had more time, I could have written you a shorter letter.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
..  If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If I had known it was harmless I would have killed it myself.
 -- PKD
%%
If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any
office of trust in the United States.
 -- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
If I had no duties, and no reference to futurity, I would spend my life in
 driving briskly in a post-chaise with a pretty woman.
%%
If I hadn't had them, I would have had some made.
%%
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment.  The
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this.
 -- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique
 -- adhesives for 3-M Post-It Notepads.
%%
If I had thought thou couldst have died,
  I might not weep for thee;
But I forgot, when by thy side,
  That thou couldst mortal be.
 -- Charles Wolfe (1791-1823)
 -- To Mary
%%
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
 -- Tallulah Bankhead (1903-1968)
%%
If I had to sum up in one word what makes a good manager, I'd say
decisiveness.  You can use the fanciest computers to gather the numbers,
but in the end you have to set a timetable and act.
 -- Lee Iacocca
%%
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known
 will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
 -- James Thurber
%%
If I have batteries, why do I need a boyfriend?
%%
If I have done well, and as is fitting,... it is that which I desired;
but if slenderly and meanly, it is that which I could attain unto.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Maccabees xv, 38
%%
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were
standing on my shoulders.
 -- Hal Abelson
%%
If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
%%
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on
the shoulders of giants.
 -- Isaac Newton
%%
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
shoulders of giants.
 -- Isaac Newton

In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side
with the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
 -- Gerald Holton

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing
on my shoulders.
 -- Hal Abelson

In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.
 -- Brian K. Reid
%%
If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
 -- Isaac Newton (1642-1727)
 -- Letter to Robert Hooke, 5 February 1676
 -- in H. W. Turnbull (ed.) Correspondence of Isaac Newton
 -- vol. 1 (1959) p. 416
%%
If I have to say one more air-headed big sister line, I'm going to
 vomit on a producer.
 -- Julie Condra/Syndi, Reality Takes a Holiday, Eerie Indiana
%%
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
IF I hit the red key is the world over?
%%
If I hurry I'll be late.
%%
If I ignore Rush Limbaugh will he go away?
%%
If I Invited Him...: Woody Kum
%%
If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.

On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is
also a psychological interaction.

The difference is that one is friendly and the other is not so
friendly.

The crucial point is if you can tell which is which.
 -- Dolph Sharp, I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot
%%
If I knew how to spell, I could use a dictionary.
%%
If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
 -- Mickey Mantle
%%
If I knew what I was so anxious about, I wouldn't be so anxious.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
If I knew what I was talking about--would I be here???
%%
If I knew what the meaning of art was, I wouldn't tell you.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
If I knew what was going on, do you think I'd be here?
%%
If I knew what was in it, I probably wouldn't eat it.
%%
If I leave town, town leaves with me.
 -- Picard, "The Big Goodbye", stardate 41997.7
%%
If I let go a hammer on a planet having a positive gravity, I need not
  see it fall to know that it has, in fact, fallen.
 -- Spock, "Court Martial," stardate 2948.9.
%%
If I let you go, do you think you could fly?
%%
If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun
in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron.  That way, if some smart-aleck
cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!"
and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could
just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron.  The soldering iron
of justice."  Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because
they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably
hit them up for a free drink.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I filled my humidifier with wax and left it on.  Now everything in my
house is shiny.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify".
 I wrote "Doctor" ... What's my mother going to do?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies
 of the ``WATCHTOWER'' and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to
 the top..  They look NICE in the yard--
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If I look confused, it's because I'm thinking.
%%
If I looked at this retroactively, is Heidi my co-worker?
%%
I filtered all the twits and had no messages left
%%
If I'm a good egg does it really matter if I'm cracked?
%%
If I may begin at the beginning...
%%
If I may venture my own definition of a folk song, I should call
it "an individual flowering on a common stem."
 -- Ralph Vaughan Williams
%%
If I'm gonna eat somebody, it might as well be you!
 -- Iguana
%%
If I'm lying, I'm dying
 -- David Addison
%%
If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer.
 -- Jim Carrey in Ace Venture: Pet Detective
%%
If I'm not on the track, I'm thinking about the next race.
%%
If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not
use.
%%
If I'm typecast as a genius, who cares?
 -- Jeremy Brett, on playing Sherlock Holmes
%%
If I must go into eternity, I'd prefer to go by the scenic route.
%%
I finally figured it out. The UNIX is a Vic-20 with lots of memory.
%%
I! Finally! Figured! Out! How! To! Punctuate! Kirk's! Sentences!
%%
ifinallyfoundawaytogeteverythingiwantedtosayintoa72charactertagline.
%%
I finally got it all together. Then I forgot where I put it.
%%
I finally got it altogether, and found out that rental space for it was far
 more expensive than anticipated.
%%
I find a lot of actors are infantile people.  It's just so silly what we do
half the time.  Someone said to my daughter, 'Are you gonna be an
actress like your mum?'  And she said, 'Oh please.  I'm gonna be
something useful, like a nurse.'
 -- Tracy Ulman
%%
I find Bob's breath offensive. It keeps him alive.
%%
I find humans are quite clean pets
 -- HAL
%%
I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror.
 -- Elaine Dundy
%%
I find it hard to restrain my enthusiasm.
%%
"I find it hard to sit still in one spot, and impossible to
sit still in two spots."
 -- Brother Theodore
%%
I find it only fitting that MICROSOFT.COM is not a valid MS-DOS filename.
%%
I find my familiarity with thee has bred contempt.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vi
%%
I find myself beside a stream of empty thought.
%%
I find myself intrigued by your sub-vocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
%%
If in doubt, take it out.
 -- Peter's Assertion
%%
I find push buttons very depressing......
%%
I find television very educating.  Every time somebody turns on the set, I go
 into the other room and read a book.
 -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
%%
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking
up something and finding something else on the way.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
I find that the best virtue I have has in it some tincture of vice.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xx, That we taste nothing pure
%%
I find that the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand,
as in what direction we are moving; to reach the port of heaven,
we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it,
but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
I find that we all get more legendary as time goes by.  "Legend" means,
basically, "bullshit."
 -- Walter Slovotsky, The Warrior Lives
%%
"I find the defendant guilty as charged," he said judiciously.
%%
I find the medicine worse than the malady.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- Love's Cure, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I find you lack of faith in the forth dithturbing.
 -- Darse ("Darth") Vader
%%
I find your lack of faith in the Force disturbing....
 -- Darth Vader (Star Wars)
%%
If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is set through service
experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will promptly
calculate a method to exceed said safety factor.
 -- The RPCISPE's Ninteenth Universal Law
%%
If I now have egg on my face, please pass a washcloth!
%%
If, in the course of several months, only three
worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same
evening.
 -- Law of Social Dynamics (Johnson Second Law)
%%
If into the German language this sentence to translate one wanted, would one
the fact that to all the German grammatical conventions it already conforms
exploit?
%%
IF: Invoke Force
%%
If I only had a 486 . .
%%
 ("If I Only Had A Brain":)
 I might be in the shower,
 I might be gone for hours,
 I can't come to the phone.
 So, please leave your name and number,
 If I miss you it'd be a bummer,
 Leave your message at the tone...
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
If I only had one more teragigadactylbyte..
%%
If I only had something to do with my life!?!
%%
If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.
 -- Gen. Philip Sheridan
%%
If I pitch a simulated game, do I have to go drink simulated beer?
%%
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
%%
If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!!  Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If I put water in my dog's mouth, will bells ring?
%%
If Iraq invaded Turkey from the rear would Greece help?
%%
If I repent of any thing, it is very likely to be my good behavior.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
If I reprehend anything in this world, it is the use of my oracular
tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs!
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
If I said you had a beautiful graphic, would you...
%%
If I save the whales, where will I keep them?
%%
If I save time, what kind of interest will I get?
%%
If I save time, when do I get it back ?
%%
If I say anything interesting, kill me immediately.
%%
...If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the
wrong impression.
%%
if (isfunny(tagline)) steal(); else next_msg();
%%
If I shot myself, my ex would sue me for the bullet.
%%
If is is is not & is not is is is is not is?
%%
If I speak to thee in friendship's name,
  Thou think'st I speak too coldly;
If I mention love's devoted flame,
  Thou say'st I speak too boldly.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- How shall I woo?
%%
If I spit, they will take my spit and frame it as great art.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
if IsStolen(Tagline) then Insult(Thief);
%%
If it ain't an HST DS then it's just an HST!
%%
If it ain't broke, break it and charge for repair.
%%
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
 -- Bert Lantz
%%
If it ain't broke, hit it harder.
%%
If it ain't broken, break it!
%%
If it ain't broken, fix it until it is.
%%
If it ain't broken...give it to a liberal to fix.
%%
If it ain't broken, it ain't mine.
%%
If it ain't broken, keep playing with it.
%%
If it ain't broken, let me have a shot at it.
%%
If it ain't broken, play with it until it is.
%%
If it ain't broken, release a NEW version until it is!
%%
If it ain't broken, try installing something else.
%%
If it ain't broken, you haven't been using it to its full potential.
%%
If it ain't broken, you just haven't looked hard enough.
%%
If it ain't broke, wait a day or two.
%%
If It Ain't Country, It Ain't Music! 'Nuff Said I Think.
%%
If it ain't fixed, don't broke it!
%%
If it ain't Scottish, it's CRAP!
%%
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxxix, 9
%%
If I talk over people's heads, Ike must talk under their feet.
%%
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xii, 18
%%
If it bleeds, you can kill it
 -- Predator
%%
If it breaks, you used too big a hammer.
 -- Paul's Third Law
%%
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and
you will break it.
 -- W. W. Chandler
%%
If it can be understood, it's not finished yet.
 -- Paul Herbig
%%
If it can break, it will, but only after the warranty expires.
 -- Sherry Graditor
%%
If it can go wrong it will, while HE'S out of town.
 -- Mrs. Murphy's Law
%%
If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science, it is opinion.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
If it can't be fixed with Vise-Grips & duct tape, it can't be fixed.
%%
If it compiles, leave it. Thus shall work!
 -- Sveinar and two of his friends...
%%
If it doens't fit, cast it.
%%
If it doesn't come from you, shouldn't it come from Gerber?
 -- Bristol Meyers baby formula ad
%%
If it doesn't have recursive function calls, Real Software Engineers
 don't program in it.
%%
If It doesn't matter, and what if it did?
%%
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
%%
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
 -- Hill's Fourth Commentary on Murphy's Law
%%
If it doesn't matter who wins, then how come they keep score?
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
If it doesn't, paint it!
%%
If it doesn't work, change the documentation.
%%
If it doesn't work, expand it.
 -- Schrank's First Law
The greater the magnitude, the less notice will be taken
that it does not work.
 -- Corollary
%%
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
%%
If it doesn't work, then it's perfectly normal.
%%
If it don't come easy, ya better let it go.
%%
If it don't cook, it ain't jazz.
%%
If I tell you how much I like your body...
will you hold it against me?
%%
If iterate means to do again and again, then what does reiterate mean?
%%
If it feels good, do it.
%%
If it feels good do it, and if it does good feel it.
%%

 If it feels good, it is downright ugly. If it looks good on you, it hurts
 to wear it. If it is on sale, they don't have your size. If it is
 absolutely awful, they have it, in your size, on sale. If it is worse than
 this, you get two for the price of one.
 -- Clothing Purchase Rules
%%
- if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If it glows don't touch it!
%%
If it goes together easily, you're doing it wrong.
 -- Poe's Law of Assembly
%%
If it had been a bear it would have bit you.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
If it happens, it must be possible.
 -- Unnamed Law
%%
If it has feelings, its not cooked enough!
%%
If it hasn't been tested, it won't work.
 -- Larry Hardiman (Amdahl employee)
%%
If it has pixels, I'm for it.
%%
"If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly."
 -- ...understanding GUIs...
%%
If it has Tits or Tires you're gonna have trouble with it.
%%
If I thought life was cheap, I wouldn't charge so much to take one.
%%
If I throw a dog into a bag, is it a doggie bag?
%%
If it hurts you're probably doing it the wrong way.
%%
If it is a known fact of record that your grand-father did not have any
 children, it is much more likely that your father did not have any children
 and it practically insures that you won't perhaps even could not have any
 children. And if you don't, it is even less likely that your children will.
%%
If it is alright with you, I think I will make lunch for us in my tee
 shirt. Well, it is alright by me, but it seems it would be a whole lot less
 messy if you were to make lunch on the counter.
%%
If it is full, don't empty it. If it is empty, don't fill it. If you don't
 look, you won't know. If you don't know, you won't have to do anything
 about it.
%%
If it is full of bugs - fool them
by giving it a GUI before release
 -- Motto of the 90's
%%
If it is generally known what one is supposed to be doing, then someone
will expect him to do it.
 -- Merle P. Martin
%%
If it is good, production is due to stop shortly. If it was excellent,
 production stopped already, and if it is absolutely superb, it has not been
 made for a fairly good number of years.
%%
If it is good, they will stop making it.
 -- Herbert Block's Law
%%
If it is not seemly, do it not; if it is not true, speak it not.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, xii, 17
%%
If it isn't baroque, don't fix it--unless you're sure you can handel it.
%%
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
 -- Baldwin's Corollary to Schmidt's Law
%%
If it isn't broken, I can fix it.
%%
If it isn't good, may it be struck by lightning.  Again!
%%
If it isn't original, it isn't sin.
%%
If it isn't PC why does Jane Fonda keep doing the "tomahawk chop"?
%%
If it isn't Scottish...it's CRRRRRAP!
%%
If it isn't true, at least it is a happy invention.
%%
If it isn't what you thought it was, it is likely not going to be what you
 think you are going to make it be.
%%
If it isn't written down - It didn't happen.
%%
If it is so simple that it could not baffle even a fool, you will be
 completely fooled and totally baffled. After all, you are a Zerro reader!
%%
If it is still moving, don't try to eat it, and if it looks like it might
 try to move, don't try to revive it.
%%
If it is the only survivor of a dead race, to kill it would be a crime
  against science.
 -- Spock, "The Devil in the Dark," stardate 3196.1.
%%
If it is to be, it is up to me.
%%
If it is true that words have meanings, why don't we throw away
words and keep just the meanings?
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein via Anatol Holt
%%
If it itches - Stroke it!.....It might Work.
%%
If it jams - force it. If it breaks - it needed replacement anyway.
 -- Lowery's Law
%%
If it looks as if you're wrong - contradict yourself!
%%
If it looks easy, it's tough.
If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
 -- Stockmayer's Theorem
%%
If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck it is
probably just a tool of the conspiracy.
%%
If it looks like a fly & tastes like a fly...
%%
If it makes sense, it's against liberal policy.
%%
If it might break, don't go near it.
 -- Herbert Stein
%%
 If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up;
and if you can't pick it up, paint it green.
 -- Army Law
%%
If it moves so SLOW, why is it called Rush Hour?  (Limbaugh)
%%
If it moves - Train it. If it doesn't - maintain it.
%%
If it multiplies in your refrigerator, don't eat it.
%%
  If I touch a match to a mixture of chemicals and an explosion occurs,
   I don't set a second mixture aside to see if it will blow up without
  the help of the match.  The effect of the match is obvious.
 -- Walden Two
%%
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
%%
If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
 As Dame Fortune did intend,
 Murphy would be there to tell me
 The pot's at the other end.
 -- Bert Whitney
%%
If it runs GNUemacs it's a computer, otherwise it's a peripheral.
 -- Kevin Johnson
%%
If it's 04/14/90, we must be in Sandy Eggo.
%%
If it's a civil war pro-life wants...BRING IT ON!
%%
If it's a despot you would dethrone, see first that his throne erected within
you is destroyed.
 -- Kahlil Gibran, 1923
%%
If it's advertised for "less than $100," you can bet it will cost
$99.95.
 -- McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom
%%
If it's against state law, it's generally considered a breach of Etiquette.
 -- Judith Martin (Miss Manners)
%%
If it's any of your business, it isn't really gossip.
%%
If it says, "One size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone.
 -- Glaser's Law
%%
If it's bad, it's probably good!
%%
If it's BLUE and doesn't work, it's the Air Force!
%%
If it's broke, fix it.
 -- The MS-DOS way
If it ain't broke, don't touch it.
 -- The Unix way
If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
 -- Maintainer's Motto
%%
If It's Bug Free, It's Time to Make Changes.
%%
If it's clean, it isn't laundry.
%%
If it's comprehensible, it's obsolete.
%%
If it screams it's not food......yet.  <<Evil Grin<<
%%
If it's dirty, it belongs here!
%%
If it's DOOM, it won't work.  nn|nn is the fingers!!
%%
If it's fixed, don't break it!
%%
If it's fun, you'll have to quit tomorrow, if it's a drag, it'll
hang around forever.
 -- Tracey's Time Observation
%%
If it's glowing, don't eat it...
%%
If it's God's will, who gets the money?
%%
If it's good, they discontinued it.
%%
If it's got tits or tyres, it will give you problems..
%%
If it's gray, it ain't air!
%%
If it's hard to document, the design is probably poorly thought out.
%%
If it should become necessary to fight, could you locate me some
  rocks to throw at them.
 -- Riker, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
If it's ineffable, someone will f**k with it.
%%
If it's in stock, we've got it!
%%
If it sits on your desk for 15 minutes, you've just become the expert.
 -- Winger's Rule
%%
If it's lost and found, then what's the problem?  You have it!
%%
If it's Monday it must be meatloaf!
%%
If it's never finished, you can't prove it doesn't work.
 -- Jeff Brown, Argosystems
%%
If it's not broke, fix it! ... (Creates jobs !)
%%
If it's not broke, it must be the beta copy.
%%
If it's not broke, let me take a crack at it.
%%
If it's not broken, Don't even touch it!
%%
If it's not chocolate, it's not worth eating.
%%
If it's not cruel and unusual, it's not punishment.
%%
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
%%
If it's not loud, it doesn't work!
 -- Blank Reg, from Max Headroom
%%
If it's not mathematics, it's just opinion.
%%
If it's not music I don't want to hear it!
%%
If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.
%%
If it's not one thing, it's a BUNCH of things
%%
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
%%
If it's not Scottish IT'S CRRAAAPPP.
%%
If it's Not sentient, don't bother with it....!
%%
If it's not Telemate, It's not the best!
%%
If it's not there and you can see it -- it's virtual.
%%
If it's not violent...what fun is it?
%%
If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong.
%%
If it sounds GOOD to YOU, it's bitchen; and if it sounds BAD to YOU, it's
 shitty.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
 If it's so safe to fly, why do they give you an hour of instructions when
 you get on the plane? Have safety instructions where you know it's
 dangerous to travel--like the New York City subway system. Have the
 conductor come out and say, "Ay! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this
 is your conductor Angelo speakin'. Welcome to the D train. If the train
 should go above ground through the Bronx, bulletproof vests can be located
 under your seat. If the vest don't inflate, duck. All weapons may be stored
 in the overhead compartments. And, please, no stabbing until the train has
 come to a complete stop in the terminal. You'll notice the conductor has
 turned off the "No Urinating' sign. Just feel free to soil yourself. And
 now please return the homeless person to his original upright position.
 Should an unbathed bag lady walk on the train, a small mask will drop from
 the ceiling. Put it over your nose and mouth and breathe like your life
 depended on it."
 -- Gabe Abelson
%%
If it's stupid, but it works, it's not stupid.
 -- Amphibious Warfare Review, June 1992
%%
If it's suicide you're after Master Bruce, I have the recipe for an old family
potion. It's slow working and quite painful, you'd like it.
 -- Alfred to Batman, "The Dark Knight Returns" by Frank Miller
%%
If it's the thought that counts, why aren't
there more pregnant women around?
%%
If it's too fast, you're too old
 -- seen on a bumper sticker
%%
If it's too loud, you're too old.
 -- Bumper sticker
%%
"If it's too loud, you're too old."
 -- The Heavy Metal motto
%%
If it's tourist season, where do I get a license?
%%
If it's Tourist Season, why can't we shoot 'em ???
%%
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
%%
If it's useless and does nothing, call it v1.0
%%
If it swells, jump it.
%%
If it's working OK, then something's GOTTA be wrong!
%%
If it's working PLEASE ...Don't make Love to it!!!
%%
If it's working, the diagnostics say it's fine.
If it's not working, the diagnostics say it's fine.
 -- A proposed addition to rules for realtime programming
%%
If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.
 -- Leo Rogers' Commentary
%%
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind,
give it more thought.
 -- Dennis Roch
%%
If it takes a man and a half a day and a half to dig a hole and a half, how
 many days does it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a
 dill pickle?

 Thirteen, because boy dogs can't have puppies.
%%
If it taste good, spit it out, it's bad for you.
%%
If it tastes good it's fattening - if it don't it ain't.
%%
If it tastes good, you can't have it. If it tastes awful, you'd better
clean your plate.
%%
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil.  But
the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an
underachiever.
 -- Woody Allen, "Love and Death"
%%
If it walks out of the refrigerator, just LET IT GO!
%%
If it walks, quacks, and looks like a duck...COOK IT!!
%%
If it was easy, it wouldn't be any fun.
%%
If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
%%
If it was easy, they wouldn't need us.
%%
If it wasn't for cable TV, I would have to hire a babysitter.
%%
If it wasn't for C, I'd have a lot more spare time :-) ...
%%
If it wasn't for EZ-RDR it would be hard.
%%
If it wasn't for half the people in the world, the other half would be all
 of them.
 -- Colonel Lemuel Stoopnagle
%%
If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
%%
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
 -- Mel's Law
%%
If it wasn't for these muscle spasms, I'd get no exercise at all.
%%
If it wasn't for this terrible war, Neville would still be here
  today, sniffling his little nose, and going, 'eek'.
On the other hand, if he hadn't died, I wouldn't have been able
  to insert a curtain rod in his bottom and use him as a dishmop.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Goodbyeee...
%%
If it wasn't so cool out today, it would be warmer.
%%
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
%%
If it was raining soup, I'd have a knife & fork
%%
If it were done when 't is done, then 't were well
It were done quickly: if the assassination
Could trammel up the consequence, and catch
With his surcease success; that but this blow
Might be the be-all and the end-all here,
But here, upon this bank and shoal of time,
We 'ld jump the life to come. But in these cases
We still have judgment here; that we but teach
Bloody instructions, which being taught, return
To plague the inventor: this even-handed justice
Commends the ingredients of our poison'd chalice
To our own lips.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 7
%%
If it were easy to understand, we wouldn't call it code
%%
If it were not for reporters telling each other all the interesting and
 wonderful things they did on weekends and some new breakthroughs in rectal
 salves which doctors support, there would hardly be anything worth watching
 on the evening news.
%%
If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
 -- George Ade
%%
If it weren't for betting on horses, some people wouldn't contribute to
 anything.
%%
If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever!
%%
If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television
 by candlelight.
 -- George Gobel (1920-1991)
%%
If it weren't for feminizts, we wouldn't need them.
%%
If it weren't for lawyers, I think we could have invented a universal
symbolic representation of reality.
%%
If it weren't for lawyers we wouldn't need lawyers.
%%
If it weren't for me, there'd be a pile of clothes on the floor.
%%
If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot
 faster with two people digging.
 -- Mister Boffo
%%
If it weren't for optimists, pessimists
would never know how unhappy they are.
%%
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd
 still be eating frozen radio dinners.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
If it weren't for politicians, who would fashion disorder out of chaos.
%%
If it weren't for venetian blinds, it'd be curtains for everyone.
%%
If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead
with tears, gold were less prized than grief.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Scyrii, Frag. 510
%%
If it were true that men could achieve their good by means of turning some
men into sacrificial animals, and ... if I were asked to serve the
interests of society apart from, above and against my own I would
refuse....I would fight in the full confidence of the justice of my battle
and of a living being's right to exist.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.
%%
If it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
If it works, break it!
%%
If it works, don't fix it.
 -- Sam Rayburn
%%
If it works, I didn't do it.
%%
If it works, it must be obsolete.
%%
If it works, it's a Miracle.
 -- Miracle Software, Inc. Motto
%%
If it works leave it alone, if it doesn't - ignore it!
%%
If it works right the first time, obviously you've done something wrong.
 -- Herman's Rule
%%
If it works, rip it apart and find out why.
%%
If it works, sell it.
If it works well, sell it for more.
If it doesn't work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #96
%%
If it works the first time, quit testing it.
%%
If it works tinker till it doesn't.
%%
If it works, use it.
 -- Genry Pinera [ME]
%%
If it would be cheaper to buy a new unit management always insists on repairing
the old one. If it's cheaper to repair the old one management will insist on
replacing it with the latest model.
%%
If it would have been a snake, it would have bitten me.
%%
If I've offended anyone, my efforts have been rewarded.
%%
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
%%
If I wanted to listen to an ASSHOLE, I would've farted!
%%
IF I WANTED WINDOWS, I'D LIVE IN A GREENHOUSE.
%%
If I wanted your criticism... it was in my former life.
%%
If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask your computer.
%%
If I wanted your opinion, I'd take you off my Twit List.
%%
If I want to be assimilated I'll ask!!!!
%%
If I want to hear you scream in pain I'll play some rap music.
%%
If I want to hit a grounder, I hit the bottom third of the ball.   If I want
to hit a line drive, I hit the middle third, and if I want to hit a pop fly I
hit the top third.
 -- Stan Musial, explaining his hitting philosophy to a rookie
%%
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
%%
If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said,
 "Congratulations, it's a girl," I think a good gag would be to get real mad
 and yell, "A girl!?  You must have me mixed up with THAT dork!" and point to
 another father.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If *I* was a woman - I'd just spend all my time at home fondling my breasts.
 -- Matthew J Ross.
%%
If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat.
 Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection?  I thought you
said `inspection'."  They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could
get out of it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
 -- Pick up line
%%
If I was going to storm a pillbox, going to sheer, utter, certain death,
 and the colonel said, "Shepherd, pick six guys," I'd pick six White Sox
 fans, because they have known death every day of their lives and it holds
 no terror for them.
 -- Jean Shepherd
%%
If I was human I would..Wait a minute! I AM Human
%%
If I =wasn't= crazy I'd be insane by now! <-No joke there
%%
If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace
 treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act
 surprised.  "Wait a minute!  I thought WE won!"
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If I were a gambling man, I would bet that you read this.
%%
If I were an American, as I am an Englishman, while a foreign troop
was landed in my country I never would lay down my arms,--never! never!
never!
 -- William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778)
 -- Speech, Nov. 18, 1777
%%
If I were any more convenient, I'd be a nuisance.
%%
If I were asked what book is better than a cheap book, I should answer
that there is one book better than a cheap book,--and that is a book
honestly come by.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Before the U. S. Senate Committee on Patents, Jan. 29, 1886
%%
If I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow
it all of your worship.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
If I were dead, I wouldn't be alive!
%%
If I were going to create a New Universe, I'd rest on the seventh day.
 -- Jack Kirby
%%
If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much.
%%
If I were meta-agnostic, I'd be confused over whether I'm agnostic or not---but
 I'm not quite sure if I feel That way; hence I must be meta-meta-agnostic (I
 guess).
 -- Douglas R. Hofstadter, _Godel, Escher, Bach_
%%
If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician.  I often
think in music.  I live my daydreams in music.  I see my life in terms
of music. ...  I get most joy in life out of music.
 -- Albert Einstein, (1879-1955)
%%
If I were not a professional, and an android, I would be insulted.
 -- Data to Geordi, "The Icarus Factor", stardate 42686.4
%%
If I were rich my butler would answer my mail.
%%
If I were truly original, I'd think of something cute.
%%
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
If I were you, I'd be different.
%%
If I were you I'd dance naked in the middle of the street just to
embarrass you.
%%
If I were you, who'd be me?
%%
If I wished to punish a province, I would have it governed by philosophers.
 -- Frederick the Great
%%
If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty.
%%
If Jesus came back today, and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never
 stop throwing up.
 -- Max Von Sydow's character in Woody Allen's Hannah and Her Sisters
%%
If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify
him.  They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and
make fun of it.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
 -- Quoted in D.A. Wilson, Carlyle at his Zeinith
%%
If Jesus save's, well he'd better save himself.
%%
If Jesus was Jewish, how come he's got a Mexican name?
 -- Tom Waits
%%
If Jimmy Swaggart did the things the latest Penthouse says he did, the man
 should be locked up as a real menace to society!
%%
If John Madden steps outside on February 2, looks down, and doesn't see his
 feet, we'll have 6 more weeks of Pro football.
 -- Chuck Newcombe
%%
If J. Paul Getty opened a health resort, would it be a Spa-Getty?
%%
If justice rules the universe, we are all in trouble.
%%
If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they
forgot to send it.   But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll
just think the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail.
And if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty*
pieces of mail get lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken!
And if 1Gb of mail gets lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa is down and
think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to
receive Net Mail ...
 -- Leith (Casey) Leedom
%%
If Khomeini was Catholic, my life would now be worth a million bucks.
%%
if (KidsPerFamily < 2.0) EcologicalCrime = TRUE;
%%
If knowledge can create problems, it is not through
ignorance that we can solve them.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
If ladies be but young and fair,
They have the gift to know it; and in his brain,
Which is as dry as the remainder biscuit
After a voyage, he hath strange places cramm'd
With observation, the which he vents
In mangled forms.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
If language is not correct, then what is said is not
what is meant; if what is said is not what is meant,
then what must be done remains undone; if this
remains undone, morals and art will deteriorate;
if justice goes astray, the people will stand about
in helpless confusion. Hence there must be no
arbitrariness in what is said. This matters above everything.
 -- Confucius
%%
If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many
 lawyers?
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
If laws were outlawed, only outlaws would be lawyers.
%%
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted; musicians denoted; cowboys deranged;
models deposed; tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
 -- Virginia Ostman
%%
I fled, and cry'd out, DEATH!
Hell trembled at the hideous name, and sigh'd
From all her caves, and back resounded, DEATH!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 787
%%
If liberals were smart, they wouldn't be liberals, would they?
%%
If life deals you a bad hand, asks for a reshuffle!!
%%
If life deals you lemons, why not go kill somone with the lemons (maybe by
 shoving them down his throat)?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If life doesn't offer a game worth playing, then invent a new one.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
If life had a vomit meter, we'd be off the scale.
 -- Joe Bob Briggs
%%
If life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and salt!
%%
If life is a bowl of cherries, throwing stones is ok.
%%
If life is a fairy tale, I'd HATE to see nightmares!
%%
If life is a rat race, the rats are winning.
%%
If life is but a dream please wake me up.
%%
If life is fair, then explain Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch?!?
%%
If life is free why work?
%%
If life must not be taken too seriously, then so neither must death.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
If Life's a trip, where the hell is MY ticket?
%%
If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten, and that's
 to laugh and dance and jump and sing.
%%
If lifes funny , then why aren't I laughing!
%%
If life was a highway, I'd be in a ditch!
%%
If life were a bed of roses, some people wouldn't be happy until
they developed an allergy.
%%
If LISP didn't have an appropriate command, then AutoLISP just made
one up!
 -- AutoLISP in plain english, George O. Head
%%
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've
got in the house.
 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.
%%
If looks could kill it would've been us instead of him!
%%
If looks could kill, you would be a seriel murderer.
%%
If love is blind, how does love at first sight work?
%%
If love is blind, lingerie makes for great braille.
%%
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
%%
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question.
 -- Stacy's mom
%%
If love makes the world go 'round, Why are we going to outer space?
 -- Margaret Gilman
%%
if (love) swallow(); else spit();
%%
If love was meant to be easy, everybody would be in it.
%%
If Lucas Electric made guns, wars wouldn't start.
%%
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man
but deteriorate the cat
 -- Mark Twain
%%
If man does his best what else is there?
 -- George S. Patton (1885-1945)
%%
If man evolved from the ape, how come there are still apes around?
Some of them were given choices.
 -- Johnny Hart's comic strip B.C.
%%
If man was meant to use Windows, we'd *all* be like Al Gore!
%%
If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?
%%
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect
 answer, try multiplying by the page number.
%%
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
 -- Florynce Kennedy, 1976
%%
If men could get pregnant, it would help hide the beer bellies.
%%
If men couldn't fuck there'd be a bounty on their heads.
%%
If men have the power, why do they commit suicide more?
%%
If Michael and Carol haven't got it, it must be pretty difficult, so if
 you haven't got it at home, well done.
%%
If Michelangelo were a heterosexual the Sistine Chapel would have
been painted basic white and with a roller.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
If Milli Vanilli falls down in the woods, does someone else make a sound?
%%
If miniskirts get shorter they wont be allowed any longer.
%%
If moderators don't need one, then neither do I!
%%
If Mohammed can't go to the mountain, then that's his problem.
%%
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
%%
If money grew on trees, there wouldn't be much shade.
%%
If money is the root of all evil, Id like to be a bad, bad man.
%%
If money is the root of all evil, I've been uprooted.
%%
If money is your hope for independence you will never have it.   The only
 real security that a man can have in this world is a reserve of knowledge,
 experience, and ability.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
If money stopped buying things, I'd lose interest in it.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
If Money talks, Being a SYSOP is pretty quiet!
%%
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one
is at fault.
 -- The RPCISPE's Seventeenth Universal Law
%%
If most of us had it to do all over again, most of us would let someone
 else do part of it.
%%
If most people are right-handed, why are all neutrinos left-handed?
It's a safety feature to keep kids from opening them.
%%
If mother Nature doesn't get you, Father Time will.
%%
If Mother Nature doesn't make mistakes
then why does dessert taste better than dinner?
%%
If Mother Nature were smart she'd have leaves fall up.
%%
if ((MS < BORLAND) || (WINDOWS < OS/2)) hahaha();
%%
 If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
 -- Silverman's Law
%%
If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a
breath, all the air would be on the other side of the room.
%%
If music be the food of love, play on.
 -- 12th Nite
%%
If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! it had a dying fall:
O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
If my baby won't love me no more, I know her sister will.
 -- Hendrix.
%%
If my disk crashes do I require autoexec insurance?
%%
If my dog had your face, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk
 backwards.
 -- Jamie Farr
%%
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
If my girlfriend caught me on this board.
%%
If my gossip Report be an honest woman of her word.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
If my soul could get away from this so-called prison, be granted all the
list of attributes generally bestowed on spirits, my first ramble on
spirit-wings would not be among the volcanoes of the moon. Nor should I
follow the sunbeams to their sources in the sun. I should hover about the
beauty of our own good star. I should not go moping among the tombs, not
around the artificial desolation of men. I should study Nature's laws in
all their crossings and unions; I should follow magnetic streams to their
source and follow the shores of our magnetic oceans. I should go among the
rays of the aurora, and follow them to their beginnings, and study their
dealings and communions with other powers and expressions of matter. And I
should go to the very center of our globe and read the whole splendid page
from the beginning. But my first journeys would be into the inner substance
of flowers, and among the folds and mazes of Yosemite's falls. How grand to
move about in the very tissue of falling columns, and in the very
birthplace of their heavenly harmonies, looking outward as from windows of
ever-varying transparency and staining!
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
If my soul could get away from this so-called prison...I should hover over the
beauty of our own bright star.  I should study Nature's laws in all their
crossings and unions...But my first journey would be into the inner substance
of flowers.
 -- John Muir
%%
If my standards were any lower I'd be sucking magma!
%%
If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim
  me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world.
 -- Einstein
%%
If naebody care for me,
I 'll care for naebody.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- I hae a Wife o' my Ain
%%
If NASA is so smart, why do they count backwards?
%%
If Negro freedom is taken away, or that of any minority group, the
freedom of all the people is taken away.
 -- Paul Robeson
%%
If n electronic components are required, n-1 are available.
 -- Vuilleumier's Second Law
%%
If Noah had consulted with modern-day weather forecasters, there would have
been a ten-percent chance of him building the ark.
 -- Jim Fiebig
%%
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
%%
If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
 -- The Third Law of Gardening
%%
If no one uses something, it isn't needed.
 -- Robert Sommer
%%
If not controlled, work will flow to the competent
person until he submerges.
 -- Boyle's First Law
%%
If not for beer and sex, there would be no point in growing up at all.
%%
If not for politicians, we wouldn't NEED assault rifles!
%%
If not for raisins, Gingerbread Men couldn't see!
%%
If not for us, you might have done something constructive.
%%
If nothing beats getting drunk, given a choice, I'd take the nothing.
%%
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do
 they make Teflon stick to the pan?
%%
If nothing's fair, why can't it ever be unfair in my favor?
 -- Calvin
%%
If nothing went wrong today, you're probably dead.
 -- Murphy's Last Law
%%
If not Pascal or Modula2 your program is WIRTHless.
%%
If nuclear, therefore it must be bad; Denounce such power with
a protest squeal. The scientists made it (surely they're all mad),
It's better not to think and just to feel.
 -- Jack Kirwan
%%
IF numcooks < .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END
%%
If of all words of tongue and pen,
 The saddest are, `It might have been,'
 More sad are these we daily see:
 `It is, but hadn't ought to be.'
 -- Francis Brett Harte
%%
If (O.J. Simpson) is acquitted, I will renounce my citizenship.  And if I
converse with him at a cocktail party, I will say, 'Well, there are so many
people here who haven't murdered anyone.  I think I'll go talk to them.'
I'll also riot.
 -- Dick Cavett.
%%
If olive oil comes from olives, and peanut oil comes
from peanuts, where does baby oil come from?
%%
"I followed you."
"I saw no one."
"That is what you may expect to see when I follow you."
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "Sherlock Holmes: The Devil's Foot"
%%
If Omar Sharif lived in Gateshead, he wouldn't be Oamr Sharif.
%%
If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
 -- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
%%
If one cannot invent a really convincing lie, it is often better to stick
 to the truth.
 -- Angela Thirkell
%%
If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable.
 -- Seneca (the Younger)
%%
If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool.
 -- Carl Jung (1875-1961)
%%
If one has not given everything, one has given nothing.
 -- Georges Guynemer
%%
If one hundred people do a foolish thing, one will become injured.
%%
If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any
connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of
religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and
superficial answer is not far to seek....
The cause lay largely in the diversity and vitality of the various
denominations, each fairly sure that, with a fair field and no favor,
it could make its own way; and each animated by a jealous fear that,
if any connection of State and Church were permitted, some rival
denomination would get an unfair advantage.
 -- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher,
 -- from "Democracy in the Schools", 1908
%%
If one is going to steal, it is considered somewhat sporting to inform the
 victims beforehand; for examples see any episodes of the BATMAN TV series.
 -- Robert J Woodhead (trebor@biar.UUCP)
%%
If one is lucky enough and can accurately define all three of these
parameters, task, time, and resources, then what one deals with is
not the realm of R&D.
%%
If one is master of one thing and understands one thing well, one has at
the same time, insight into and understanding of many things.
 -- Van Gogh
%%
If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve
 the name.
 -- A. A. Milne
%%
If one knows what the task is, and there is a time limit allowed for
the completion of the task, then one cannot guess how much it will cost.
%%
If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River,
the Headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished;
but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult,
for we believe others to be happier than they are.
 -- Montesquieu
%%
If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody.
 -- Agatha Christie
%%
If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
%%
If one views his problems closely enough he will recognise
himself as part of the problem.
 -- Ducharm's Axiom
%%
If one word does not succeed, ten thousand are of no avail.
%%
If one would become totally unhappy, one must have the time to consider
 whether or not one is as happy as one should be. Two can do it in half the
 time, by providing unhappiness for the other, thus solving the problem.
%%
If one would know the truth, look to the beginning.
%%
If only Einstein had a 486DX-33....   like I do...
%%
If only God would give me some clear sign  Like making a large deposit in my
name at a Swiss bank.
 -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%%
If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
%%
If only I'd paid attention in nursery art classes instead of spending
  my entire time manufacturing papier-mache willies to frighten Sarah
  Wallace...
 -- Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
If only... if only.
%%
If only I still had my Commodore 64... If only...
%%
If only men came with pull down menus and online help..
%%
If only my computer could cook...
%%
If only my penmanship teacher could see me now.
%%
If only one bid can be secured on a project, the price will be unreasonable.
 -- The RPCISPE's Sixth Universal Law
%%
If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without
 having to accomplish anything.
%%
If only one solution can be found for a field problem,
    then it is usually a stupid solution.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #61
%%
If only our great thinkers could learn to talk,
and our great talkers could learn to think!
%%
If only the Catholics would stick together and live up to their Faith [as
 regards birth control], they could control the world and the world's
 morality.
 -- Dr. Claude Newbury, Director, HLI Johannesburg, HLI Special Report, #62,
 -- as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood
 -- pamphlet
%%
If only there were some indication the universe was
doing it on purpose
%%
If only Vincent Foster were alive today.
%%
If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.
 -- Edith Wharton
%%
If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help!
%%
If only you could see what I've seen with your eyes.
 -- Roy Baty, Bladerunner
%%
If on my theme I rightly think,
There are five reasons why men drink,--
Good wine, a friend, because I 'm dry,
Or lest I should be by and by,
Or any other reason why.
 -- John Sirmond (c. 1589-1649)
 -- Causae Bibendi
%%
If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it
wasn't there . . . what then? The answer, of course, was very simple.
He had a whole board of circuits for dealing with exactly this problem,
in fact this was the very heart of his function. He would continue
to believe in it whatever the facts turned out to be, what else was
the meaning of Belief? The Door would still be there, even if the
Door was not.
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- Dirk Gently, Dirk Gently: Holistic Detective Agency 
%%
I fooled them all.   I am the Master.
 -- Doctor, The Space Museum
%%
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
 -- Milton Berle, comedian
%%
If opportunity knocks, go to bed with your pants on.
%%
If order is heaven's first law, I live just three blocks the other side of
 hell.
%%
If order is heaven's first law, there's just a whole pack of us in serious
 deep trouble..
%%
I forget how to move
 When my mouth is this dry
 And my eyes are bursting hearts
 In a bloodstained sky
 Oh, it was sweet and wild.
 -- The Cure, "Homesick"
%%
I Forgot To Add A Tagline.
%%
I forgot to take my memory pills!
%%
I forgot where I left my short term memory!
%%
if ( original_ver == OK )  don't_upgrade();
%%
IF original_works THEN don't_upgrade ENDIF
%%
I, for my own part, had much rather people should say of me that there
neither is nor ever was such a man as Plutarch, than that they should
say, "Plutarch is an unsteady, fickle, froward, vindictive, and touchy
fellow."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Superstition
%%
I for one cannot protest the recent M.T.A. fare hike and the
accompanying promises that this would in no way improve service.  For
the transit system, as it now operates, has hidden advantages that
can't be measured in monetary terms.

Personally, I feel that it is well worth 75 cents or even $1 to have
that unimpeachable excuse whenever I am late to anything: I came by
subway.    Those four words have such magic in them that if Godot should
someday show up and mumble them, any audience would instantly
understand his long delay.
%%
I forward my paychecks to my Sysop.
%%
If OS/2 V2.2 is soooooo great, why is V2.4 coming?
%%
If OS/2 was hooked up to nuclear missiles, what happens?
%%
I fought the (fjords!) and the (fjords!) won.
%%
I fought the lawn and the lawn won.
%%
I found a happy medium, so I annoyed her.
%%
I found a mouse in my beer, eh.
%%
I found an immortality spell with a lifetime guarantee!
%%
...I found it particularly ironic, my lord, because I've got a thingy
  that's shaped like a turnip!...I'm a great use at parties.
Are you.
Yes...I hide in the vegetable rack and frighten the children...
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Beer
%%
I found Jesus, and he said, "Tag, you're it!"
%%
I found my thrill on Blueberry (Anita) Hill.
%%
I found my Trill... On Daxberry Hill..
%%
I found one day in school a boy of medium size ill-treating a smaller boy.
I expostulated, but he replied: 'The bigs hit me, so I hit the babies;
that's fair.' In these words he epitomized the history of the human race.
 -- Bertrand Russell, Education and the Social Order
%%
I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the
house.   And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way
she wants to.
 -- Yakov Smirnoff
%%
I found out who the spirit was that designed
 the Winchester Mystery House. Helen keller.
%%
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's
 because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?
 -- Wendy Liebman
%%
I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words.
%%
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
%%
I found the answer . . . but forgot the question.
%%
I found the TRAAAAaaaaaaaapppp!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
I found this.  He says his name's Arthur, but I think he's harmless.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
- "I found this news absolutely dismaying..."
                    Edith Cresson (Premier, France) (edith@paris.gov.fr)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
I found this seance to pass the most stringent tests
of credulity, with the minor exception of a phonograph,
which was found under Madame Reynaud's dress.
 -- Without Feathers -- Woody Allen
%%
I found this tagline in the cat's litter box!
%%
If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If our founding fathers were alive today, they'd roll over in their graves.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it?
%%
If our standard of living gets much higher, most of us won't be able
to afford it.
%%
if (output == CRAP) eat_words();
%%
If parts allure thee, think how Bacon shin'd,
The wisest, brightest, meanest of mankind!
Or ravish'd with the whistling of a name,
See Cromwell, damn'd to everlasting fame!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 281
%%
If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
%%
If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would
be librarians.
 -- Warren Buffet, Washington Post
%%
If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad,
he should see how bad it is with representation.
%%
If penicillin is such a wonder drug, how come it can't cure bread mold?
 -- Ron Smith
%%
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward,
then we are a sorry lot indeed.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
If people behaved in the way nations do they would
 all be put in straitjackets.
 -- Tennessee Williams
%%
If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.
 -- Kelvin Throop
%%
If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them, so
of course it kills them. The world breaks everyone and afterward many are
strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills
the very good and the very gentle and the very brave...
 -- Ernest Hemingway, "A Farewell to Arms"
%%
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a
shortage of fishing pole.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
If people destroy something replaceable made my mankind, they are
called vandals.  If they destroy something irreplaceable made by
God, they are called developers.
 -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
 -- Curtois' Rule.
%%
If people looked like their passport photos,
very few nations would let them in.
%%
If people see that you mean them no harm, they'll never
hurt you, nine times out of ten.
%%
If people think nature is their friend, then they sure don't need an enemy.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
%%
If people were required to know the law rather than to
obey it, the government would be overthrown the next day.
%%
If people who eat vegetables are called vegetarians,
then shouldn't cannibals be called humanitarians?
%%
If people with amnesia forget they have it, are they cured?
%%
If P is prime, is P' prime prime?
%%
If pi were three, this sentence would look like this
[the o's are hexagons]
%%
If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on.
%%
If plugging it in doesn't work, try turning it on.
%%
If pornography helps against sexual frustrations,
 why not give cookery books to the starving?
%%
If power corrupts, weakness in the seat of power, with its constant
necessity of deals and bribes and compromising arrangements,
corrupts even more.
 -- Barbara Tuchman
%%
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
%%
If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters.
 -- Nora Ephron
%%
If Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country.
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
IF %PRICE%!==LIST! KEEP SHOPPING.
%%
if (pro == !con) progress != congress;
%%
if (program==delivered && installed==true) trash_HD();
%%
If programmers wrote programs the way builders build buildings, we'd still
be using autocoder and running compile decks.
 -- Peter da Silva and Karl Lehenbauer, a different perspective
%%
If project content is allowed to change freely,
  the rate of change will exceed the rate of progress.
 -- Laws of Project Management #5
%%
If projectile vomiting ever becomes an Olympic event, you'll do your country
 proud.
 -- Hobson, Arthur II
%%
if (quackslike() == duck) return(duck);
%%
If quitting in a huff fails, see Rule #1.
 -- Liberal Rule #12
%%
If Q was female, would he be called O?
%%
If "Q" were to be castrated, would he become "O"?
%%
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
%%
If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer.
 -- Morton's Law
%%
If reading this on a BBS, press [ALT-H] for an IQ test ...
%%
If Reagan is the answer, it must have been a VERY silly question.
%%
If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
%%
If real life were fiction, you couldn't get it published!
%%
ifree: freeing free inode
%%
 If religious books are not widely circulated among the masses in this
 country, I do not know what is going to become of us as a nation.   If
 truth be not diffused, error will be; If God and His Word are not know
 and received, the devil and his works will gain the ascendancy; If the
 evangelical volume does not reach every hamlet, the pages of a corrupt
 and licentious literature will; If the power of the Gospel is not felt
 throughout the length and breadth of the land, anarchy and misrule,
 degradation and misery, corruption and darkness will reign without
 mitigation or end.
 -- Daniel Webster
%%
I frequently have my doubts.
%%
If rich, eat when you please. If poor, eat when you can.
%%
If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on
 television with pool cues, who would win?
    1) Ricky Schroder
   2) Gary Coleman
   3) The television viewing public
 -- David Letterman
%%
If ridicule were employed to laugh men out of vice and folly, it
might be of some use; but ir is make use of to laugh men out of virtue
and good sense, by attacking everything solemn and serious.
 -- Addison
%%
If "R" is Reverse, how come "D" is FORWARD?
%%
If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will
 Jodie Foster marry Bonzo??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If Romulans made an android would it be named CD-ROM?
%%
If Ross Perot runs, that's good for us. If he doesn't run, it's good for us.
[a reporter then asked him what he meant by that]
That's for you to figure out.
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle answering a reporter's question
                    on what the effect might be if Perot re-entered the race.
                    He was campaigning in Rockford, Ill., 9/29/92.
                    The Vice-President later clarified the remark saying that
                    Perot will raise issues about the economy, and this is
                    one of the President's strengths.
                    (reported in the NY Times, 9/30/92)
%%
If Rush Limbaugh comes near me I'll rip his nipples off!
%%
If sanity were dollars I'd be bankrupt.
%%
If Satan ever loses his hair, there will be hell toupee.
%%
If science were explained to the average person in a way that is accessible
and exciting, there would be no room for pseudoscience.  But there is a kind
of Gresham's Law by which in popular culture the bad science drives out the
good.  And for this I think we have to blame, first, the scientific community
ourselves for not doing a better job of popularizing science, and second, the
media, which are in this respect almost uniformly dreadful.  Every newspaper
in America has a daily astrology column.  How many have even a weekly
astronomy column?  And I believe it is also the fault of the educational
system.  We do not teach how to think.  This is a very serious failure that
may even, in a world rigged with 60,000 nuclear weapons, compromise the human
future.
 -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer,
 -- Vol. 12, Fall 87
%%
If scientific discovery has not been an unalloyed blessing, if it has conferred
 on mankind the power not only to create but also to annihilate, it has at the
 same time provided humanity with a supreme challenge and a supreme testing.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic,
we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world.
One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of
the mathematics of probability.
 -- Vannevar Bush
%%
If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire!!
%%
If seeing is believing, some skeptics wouldn't look.
%%
If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone
wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to
have gone wrong.
 -- The Last Law
%%
If sex involves his body, pregnancy is *his* business, too.
%%
If sex is a pain in the butt, you're doing it wrong.
%%
If SEX isn't meant for fun, why's it feel so good.
%%
If sex is so personal, why are we expected to share it with someone else?
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many
books on how to?
 -- Bette Midler
%%
If sex violates his body without consent, it *is* rape.
%%
If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got?
 Practically none.
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
If she can't take the heat, get her out of the oven!
%%
If she doesn't scare ya, no evil thing will...
%%
If she screams......lick it again.
%%
If she seem not chaste to me,
What care I how chaste she be?
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- Poem
%%
If she undervalue me,
What care I how fair she be?
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- Poem
%%
If she was any dumber, she'd be a green plant.
%%
If she were president, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln.
%%
If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?
%%
If shit happens and no one's there does it have a smell
%%
If shit was worth something, poor people would be born without arseholes.
 -- Eddie Murphy, Another 48 Hours
%%
If six turned out to be nine, I don't mind.
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
If solid happiness we prize,
Within our breast this jewel lies,
  And they are fools who roam.
The world has nothing to bestow;
From our own selves our joys must flow,
  And that dear hut, our home.
 -- Nathaniel Cotton (1707-1788)
 -- The Fireside, Stanza 3
%%
If somebody tries to explain something to you, and you still don't understand,
that is not your fault.  It is his.
%%
If some child has to be bribed to be good, that child will often take the
 lesson and turn out to be good, for nothing.
%%
If some day we are defeated, well, war has its fortunes, good and bad.
 -- Commander Kor, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3201.7.
%%
If some folks didn't do some things by mistake occasionally, they would
 never get anything right.
%%
If some folks give up wearing glasses, they look better, but they don't see
 as well.
%%
If some guy is 6-foot-5 with gigantic muscles and
 incredibly handsome, why does he need to put on a
 batsuit?  Why doesn't he just put on a ski mask
 and kick the crap out of people?
 -- Tim Burton, director of BATMAN
%%
If someone doesn't think it's too much to ask, it probably is.
%%
If someone gives you a lemon, make lemonade...
 -- D. Woodhouse
%%
If someone gives you so-called good advice, do the opposite; you can be
 sure it will be the right thing nine out of ten times.
 -- Anselm Feuerbach
%%
If someone had told me I would be Pope
 one day, I would have studied harder.
 -- Pope John Paul I
%%
If someone offers you a breath mint, TAKE IT.
%%
If someone says "can't," that shows you what to do.
 -- John Cage (from his father)
%%
If someone sees Bill Clinton, laugh at him for me.
%%
If someone sees Ross Perot, laugh at him for me.
%%
If someone tells you that the fully armored man of the Middle Ages was
so encumbered by his armor that he could not rise if he fell, you may
well ask yourself, first, if it is reasonable to assume that
professional soldiers would go on wearing armor that kept them from
fighting and second, if this theory is in line with what you know of
the heavily armored men of your personal acquaintance.
 -- Niccola Sebastiani
%%
If someone told me it wasn't "fashionable" to talk about freedom, I think I'd
 just have to look him square in the eye and say, "Okay, YOU TELL ME what's
 `fashionable'."  But he won't.  And you know why?  Because you can't ask
 someone what's fashionable in a smart-alecky way like that.  You have to be
 friendly and say, "By the way, what's fashionable?"
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If someone with a rural accent says, "I don't know anything about
politics," zip up your pockets.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
%%
If some stress is brought to bear on a system in equilibrium, the equilibrium
is displaced in the direction which tends to undo the effect of the stress.
%%
If something goes wrong, it is more important to talk about who is
going to fix it, than who is to blame.
 -- Francis J. Gable
%%
If something is confidential, it will be left in the
photocopier machine.
 -- Connor's Second Law
%%
If something's not worth dying for, it's not worth living for.
%%
If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to
Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack
look like Sanka.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
If space is a vacuum, does that mean the Universe sucks?
%%
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
%%
If space is the final frontier, what's TIME?
%%
If space is warped, time is all that's weft
%%
If speed kills, then Windows users may live forever.
%%
If speed scares you, try Micro$oft Windows.
%%
If Starfleet Command had wanted you to have a life, we
would have issued you one
%%
If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not
selling advice.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
if (stone != rolling) moss++;
%%
if (stone.rotation < 1) moss.propagation = 0;
%%
IF STOOGE = CURLY THEN Nyuk("Nyuk Nyuk!")
%%
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
 -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
%%
If stupidity is outlawed, only outlaws will be stupid.
%%
If stupidity was painful, you'd be in agony.
%%
If symptoms persist, consult a specialist.
%%
If tagline persists, consult your physician.
%%
If Taglines dont work use a Billboard!
%%
If that Bard starts singing 100 Bottles of Beer again.
%%
If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem.
 -- C. Durance, Computer Science 234
%%
If that man in the PTL is such a healer, why can't he make his wife's
 hairdo go down?
 -- Robin Williams
%%
If that's art, I'm a Hottentot!
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
If that's the best you can do, I suggest you leave!
%%
If that which does not kill me makes me stronger,
I must be Arnold Schwarzenegger by now.
%%
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
 presumably flunk it.
 -- Stanley Garn
%%
If the airport books are any indication, there are
 at least 450,000 evil Nazi World War II geniuses
 still at large, many of them with atomic laser cannons.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream
and never be our destiny.
 -- Ren'e de Visme Williamson
%%
If the answer to life, the universe and everything is "42" and the
question is "what is 6 times 9", then God must have 13 fingers.
%%
If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions aren't likely to be very good.
 -- Robert E. Machol
%%
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the
computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per
gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
 -- Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld
%%
If the average man is made in God's image, then such a man as Beethoven
or Aristotle is plainly superior to God.
%%
If the best things in life are free, than how come there is such a big
 markup on everything else?
%%
If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xv, 14
%%
If the bowl is empty, the cat is full.
%%
If the boys wanna fight you'd better let 'em.
%%
If the bulk of American SF can be said to be written by robots, about
 robots, for robots, then the bulk of English fantasy seems to be written
 by rabbits, about rabbits and for rabbits.
 -- Michael Moorcock
%%
If the cats could figure out how to work the can opener, they would
have the locks changed while we were out.
%%
If the cause be just and honorable, they are prepared to give
  their lives.
 -- Picard, "The Defector,"  stardate 43462.5.
%%
   If the check is truly in the mail,
    it is surely made out to someone else.
 -- Armstrong's Collection Law
%%
...if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust,
 this would be a better world.
 -- Garrison Keillor, Lake Wobegon Days
%%
If the clowns are all in Washington, then who's running the circus?
%%
If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
 -- Norm Schryer
%%
If the coin is shinny, pick it up.
%%
If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to
get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude.
See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving
the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting
that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for.  The
college, which should be a place of delightful labor, is made odious
and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to
rally their jaded spirits.  I would have the studies elective.
Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure
interest in knowledge.  The wise instructor accomplishes this by
opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for
himself.  The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for
boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
If the conjecture `You would rather I had not disturbed you by sending you
 this.' is correct, you may add it to the list of uncomfortable truths.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
If the conniption fits, wear it.
%%
If the converse of a statement is absurd, the original statement
is an insult to the intelligence and should never have been said.
 -- Arthur H. Boultbee
(This is best applied to the statements of politicians and TV pundits.)
%%
If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck,
he surely meant us to stick it out.
 -- Arthur Koestler
%%
If the critics unanimously take exception to one particular scene it is
 advisable to move that scene to a more conspicuous place in the program.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
If the customers don't want to come, you can't exactly keep them from it.
%%
If the data doesn't fit the theory, fix the data.
%%
If the death sentence were imposed on all parents who failed to bring up
 their children properly, Europe could have a whole new experience coming to
 the frontier, Baltimore, and later move West.
%%
... if the democratic nations fail, their failure must be partly attributed
to the faulty strategy of idealists who have too many illusions when
they face realists who have too little conscience.
 -- Reinhold Niebuhr
%%
If the Democrats were looking for a real expert in domestic affairs, they
 could not find anyone more qualified than Gary Hart.
%%
If the devil doesn't exist, but man created him, he has created him in his own
image.
 -- Dostoyevski
%%
If the doors of perception were cleansed
every thing would appear to man as it is,
infinite.
 -- William Blake, Inspiration for the anme of The Doors
%%
If the dove chooses to fly with the hawks his feathers stay white
but his heart turns black.
%%
If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get
twice as much done.
If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else
would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
If the economy can only get better or worse, why aren't
economists right half the time?
%%
If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into
 our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
If the end be well, all is well.
 -- Gesta Romanorum
 -- Tale lxvii
%%
If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?
 -- Robert Moses
%%
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #01
%%
If the enterprise dies, say that you saw it coming ages ago.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be
disposed of.
 -- Maier's Law
1. The bigger the theory, the better.
2. The experiment may be considered a success if no more
than 50% of the observed measurements must be
discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory.
 -- Corollaries
%%
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
If the first person who answers the phone cannot answer your question,
 then its a bureaucracy.
%%
If the GOOD die young,  I wonder why I am still here.
%%
If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't
it dissolve them and elect a new people?
%%
If the government doesn't trust us with our guns, why
should we trust them with theirs?
%%
If the government needs more money, how can they think we need less?
%%
If the government really wanted us to obey the
law, they would tell us what it is.
%%
If the government were in charge of sex, we'd be extinct.
%%
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard,
let him worry about cutting it.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, step back and take
 a deep whiff. It may be that there is a lot more manure loose over there.
 -- Schapiro's Explanation
%%
If the heart of a man is depress'd with cares,
The mist is dispell'd when a woman appears.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The Beggar's Opera, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
If the history of England be ever written by one who has the knowledge
and the courage,--and both qualities are equally requisite for the
undertaking,--the world will be more astonished than when reading
the Roman annals by Niebuhr.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book i, Chap. iii
%%
If the human brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be
so simple that we could not.
 -- W. A. Clouston
%%
If the human mind were simple enough to understand,
we'd be too simple to understand it.
 -- Pat Bahn
%%
If the important thing in life is happiness, we need a lot more beer.
%%
If the individual is narrowly concentrated on the goal, to the exclusion of
other relevant aspects of the problem situation, he is often unable to
achieve a solution. The creative thinker must stand sufficiently detached
from his work.
 -- Mary Henle
%%
If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input,
 an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
%%
If the jury feels the law is unjust, we recognize the undisputed
power of the jury to acquit, even if its verdict is contrary to the
law as given by a judge, and contrary to the evidence ... and the
courts must abide by that decision.
 -- US v Moylan, 4th Circuit Court of Appeals, 1969, 417 F.2d at 1006
%%
If the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.
 -- Roseanne Barr Arnold
%%
If the kids seem to be doing a far better than anticipated business at
 their newly opened lemonade stand, it is reasonable to check to see if your
 vodka is missing.
%%
If the kids today did the same things I did when I was a kid at Halloween,
 it would be reported in the paper as the act of a local terrorist.
%%
If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for
me!
 -- Ma Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
%%
If the lawmakers make a compromise, the place where
it will be felt the most is the taxpayer's pocket.
 -- Deadlock's Law
%%
If the lesser mind could measure the greater as a footrule
can measure a pyramid, there would be finality in universal suffrage.
As it is, the political problem remains unsolved.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
If the liberties of the American people are every destroyed,
they will fall by the hands of the Clergy.
 -- General Marquis de Lafayette, 1789
%%
If the limit was 250, there'd be no speeders...
%%
If the lord had meant us to have faith, he'd have given us lobotomies.
 -- Zlatko
%%
If the lower orders do not set us an example,then I really cannot see
 the use of them. As a class they seem morally very irresponsible.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
If the mailmen went on strike, how would we ever know?
%%
If the main aim of playing is not to win, then why keep scores
 -- Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation", televsion show
%%
If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the lives of both have
been wasted.
%%
If The Media is Liberal why is Rush Limbaugh still on the air?
%%
If the meek shall inherit the Earth, what will happen to us Tigers?
 -- Hobbes
%%
If the Message Won't End, Continue It.
%%
If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of
nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
If the name is not correct, the words will not ring true.
 -- Confucious
%%
If the nation's economists were laid end to end,
they would point in all directions.
 -- Arthur H. Motley
%%
If the newspapers of a country are filled with good news, the jails
will be filled with good people.
 -- Daniel P. Monynihan
%%
If the obstacles of bigotry and priestcraft can be surmounted,
we may hope that common sense will suffice to do everything else.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
If the odds are a million to one against something
 occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
%%
If the people are to be the governors, who then shall be the governed?
 -- Cotton Mather, leader of the Salem Witch-hunts
%%
If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
If the people in a democracy are allowed to do so, they will vote
away the freedoms which are essential to that democracy.
 -- Snell Putney
%%
If the people lead, the leaders will follow.
%%
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be
patient.  It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his
ear.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
 -- Song title by Jimmy Buffet
%%
If the platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #22
%%
If the presence of electricity can be made visible in any part of a circuit, I
see no reason why intelligence may not be transmitted instantaneously by
electricity.
 -- Samuel F. B. Morse
%%
 If the probability of success is not almost one,
 then it is damn near zero.
 -- Fourth Law of Thermodynamics
 -- David Ellis
%%
If the product being advertised is so great, why is it always compared to the
leading brand?
%%
If the programmer can simulate a construct faster then the compiler
can implement the construct itself, then the compiler writer has blown
it badly.
 -- Guy L. Steele, Jr., Tartan Laboratories
%%
If the purpose of pornography is to excite sexual desire, it is unnecessary
 for the young, inconvenient for the middle-aged, and unseemly for the old.
 -- Malcolm Muggeridge
%%
 If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once into the sky
    that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One... I am become Death,
   the Shatterer of Worlds.
 -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
 -- Quoting The Bhagavad Gita,     Alamogordo, New Mexico, 1945
%%
If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I 'll be hanged.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
%%
If there are no stupid questions, then what sort of questions do stupid
people ask?
 -- Dogbert
%%
If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them.
 -- Spock, "This Side of Paradise," stardate 3417.7.
%%
If there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in the middle
and start reciting Shakespeare, but to the audience, you'll just
be the thirteenth clown.
 -- Adam Walinsky
%%
 If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you
 will pick the wrong one.
 -- Second Law of Business Meetings
 If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong, anyway.
 -- Corollary
%%
If there be a hell upon earth it is to be found in a melancholy man's
heart.
 -- Burton
%%
If there be any truer measure of a man than by what he does,
it must be by what he gives.
 -- Robert South
%%
If there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease
it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion
to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt.

 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
If there be no nobility of descent, all the more indispensable is
it that there should be nobility of ascent,--a character in them that
bear rule so fine and high and pure that as men come within the circle
of its influence they involuntarily pay homage to that which is the
one pre-eminent distinction, the royalty of virtue.
 -- Bishop Henry C. Potter (1835-1908)
 -- Address at the Washington Centennial Service in St. Paul's Chapel,
 -- New York, April 30, 1889
%%
If there be, or ever were, one such,
It 's past the size of dreaming.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
If there had ever been a time when I could have given my
own life to save her I would have done it....
 -- Avon
%%
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of
ten it will.
 -- Paul Harvey News, 1979
%%
If there is a God, how come he allows Bonnie Langford to exist?
%%
If there is a light at the end of the tunnel,
then it is time to order more tunnel !
%%
If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the
mistake will be made.
 -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
If there is anything a public servant hates to do
it's something for the public.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
If there is anything better than to be loved it is loving.
 -- Anonymous
%%
If there is anything education does not lack today, it is critics.
 -- Nathan M. Pusey
%%
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a
 conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to
 the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
If there is any way to do it wrong, he will.
 -- Ed Murphy
%%
If there is any way to do it wrong, you will.
%%
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  3
%%
If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public
or private, will find it.
 -- Parkinson's Fifth Law
%%
If there is a wrong thing to say, one will.
 -- Betty Hartig
%%
If there is a wrong way to do something,
most people will do it every time.
 -- Rudin's Law
%%
If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will
do it every time.

 -- Rudin's Law
In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative
courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.
 -- Rudin's Second Law
%%
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
 -- Edward A. Murphy Jr.
%%
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
 -- Art Hoppe
%%
If there is no Moderator, who pops up the next tagline?
%%
If there is no Portuguese word for blarney, there should be.
%%
If there is no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must
exist.
 -- Murray Gell-Martin
%%
If there is no solution, there is no problem.
 -- John Price
%%
If there is no struggle there is no progress
 -- Frederick Douglas
%%
If there is no struggle, there is no progress.
 -- Frederick Douglass
%%
If there is no struggle, there is no progress.  Those who profess to
favor freedom and yet avoid confrontation, are people who want crops
without plowing up the ground; they want rain without thunder and
lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its waters.
 -- Frederick Douglass (1817-1895)
%%
If there is no wind, row.
 -- Latin Proverb
%%
If there isn't a law, there will be.
 -- Gates' Law
%%
If there isn't a law, there will be.
 -- Harold Faber
%%
If there isn't a population problem, why is the government putting cancer in
the cigarettes?
 -- the elder Steptoe, c. 1970
%%
If there is one basic element in our Constitution, it is civilian
control of the military.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now.
%%
If there 's a hole in a' your coats,
        I rede ye tent it;
A chiel 's amang ye takin' notes,
        And, faith, he 'll prent it.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- On Captain Grose's Peregrinations through Scotland
%%
If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught
and shot now.
 -- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
If there 's delight in love, 't is when I see
That heart which others bleed for, bleed for me.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- The Way of the World, Act iii, Sc. 12
%%
If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start
 to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of
 "bag."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
   If there's ever anything I can do for you -- or, more to the point,
to you, don't hesitate to ask.
     *What?*
Which word didn't you understand?
%%
If there's no free lunch, I'll settle for breakfast.
%%
If there's one pitch you keep swinging at and keep missing, stop swinging
 at it.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
%%
If there's so much labor-saving machinery, why don't I
have more free time?
%%
If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in
 favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get booed right off the stage.
 They're just not ready.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If there was a nuclear bombing, would I be alive to care?
%%
If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived
through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was
finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If there was a wait for Q to show up, would there be a Q-wait?
%%
If there wasn't divorces, where would we get waitresses?
%%
If there was two birds sitting on a fence, he would bet you which one
would fly first.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), The Celebrated Jumping Frog
%%
If there were more women judges, more women would go to jail!
%%
If there were no clouds, we wouldn't enjoy the sun.
%%
If there were no God, it would be necessary to invent him.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Epitre a l'Auteur du Livre des Trois Imposteurs, cxi
%%
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
%%
If there were no other proof of the infinite patience of God with men,
a very good one could be found in His toleration of the pictures
that are painted of Him.
 -- Thomas Merton
%%
If there were no such thing as bears, what kind of hugs would we give?
%%
If there were no such thing as gravity, the earth would fly off into space!
%%
If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make
 a wonderful living
 -- Yiddish proverb
%%
If the ship's not sinking, the rats must be the ones not leaving.
%%
If the shoe fits, buy it.
 -- Imelda Marcos
%%
If the shoe fits, buy the other one, too.
%%
If the shoe fits, it's not government issue.
%%
If the shoe fits ... it's the wrong colour.
%%
 If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
 -- Gold's Law
%%
If the shoe fits, put it in your mouth.
%%
If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits !
%%
If the shoe fits, try wearing it on the other foot;
That's bound to make you feel better.
%%
If the shoe fits, wear it.
%%
If the sight of a beautiful rainbow no longer excites you, than you had
 better prepare to pack it in - you are already dead.
%%
If the situation were reversed, would you not die to avoid capture?
I don't know, I might. If I thought it was necessary, if the stakes
  were high enough, but they'd have to be pretty damn high. I guess
  I'd make a pretty lousy Romulan.
I no more wish to die than you do.
Bochra, there are times when its necessary to die for one's ideals. Do
  you believe this is one of those times?
 -- Bochra and Geordi, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
If the slightest probability for an unpleasant event to happen exists,
the event will take place; preferably during a demonstration.
 -- Murphy's Law
%%
If the standard says that [things] depend on the phase of the moon, the
programmer should be prepared to look out the window as necessary.
 -- Chris Torek
%%
If the telephone rings today..... water it!
 -- Rev. Thomas, Gnostic N.Y.C. Cabal
%%
If the test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems
will malfunction.
 -- Troutman's Programming Postulate #1
%%
If the thraskin puts his fingers in his ears, it is polite to shout.
 -- Doctor, The Time Monster
%%
If the thread ended in her jeans, should we follow it?
%%
If the time and resources ($) are clearly defined, then it is impossible
to know what part of the R&D task will be performed.
%%
If the top of the fridge gets dusted, you know that the guests who are
 coming are very important.
%%
If the trumpet give an uncertain sound.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xiv, 8
%%
If the truth offends -- too bad.
%%
If the US postal service went email,
how would you get stamps on this stuff?
 -- Crazy Wasserman, 1986 ( or 2 A. I.  for after Internet )
%%
If the vendors started doing everything right, we would be out of a job.
 Let's hear it for OSI and X!   With those babies in the wings, we can count on
 being employed until we drop, or get smart and switch to gardening, paper
 folding, or something.
 -- C. Philip Wood
%%
If the very old die, the very young don't care.
%%
 If the victor had the gods on his side, the vanquished had Cato.
 --       Lucan (Marcus Annaeus Lucanus)   AD 39-65
 --      The Civil War, bk. I, 128
%%
If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much
 glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If the wearer of this button shows any signs of
depression, administer Chinese food immediately
%%
If the wearer of this button shows any signs of
depression, administer chocolate immediately!
%%
If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.
If the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.
If the bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance
will exceed all expectations.
 -- Reverend Chichester's Laws
%%
If the wicked flourish, and thou suffer, be not discouraged. They
are fatted for destruction: thou are dieted for health.
 -- Fuller
%%
If the work of God could be comprehended by reason, it would be no
longer wonderful.
%%
If the world is a stage, I have stage fright!
%%
If the world is a test, we must be the bugs.
%%
If the world is my oyster, where is my oyster knife?
%%
If the world like it not, so much the worse for them.
 -- Cowper
%%
If the world spins around, why doesn't home come to us??
%%
If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle, not women.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
If the world will be gulled, let it be gulled.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
If the writer is considerate of the reader,
he won't have a problem with ambiguous sentences.
%%
If they all thought they were as great as I think I am, everybody'd get
along just fine -- even though they'd all be wrong!
 -- "Bob" Dobbs to a Sunday School class in 1955.
%%
If they call themselves a liberal they are wrong.
 -- Right-wing rule #3
%%
If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make
something out of you.
 -- Muhammad Ali
%%
If they can now make a whistle only a dog can hear, how come they can't
 make music only a teenager can hear?
%%
If they'd had the Underground in Henry VIII's day
"Tower Hill return, please.  And a single for the wife."
%%
If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains
 start working.
 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
If they don't know what you're doing, they don't know what you're doing wrong.
 -- Sir Humphrey Appleby
%%
If they don't like ARJ, they can eat Z..!
%%
If they don't pay ya', SUE THE BASTARDS!!!
%%
If they don't, the lights stay off in Baghdad.
 -- SD Cheney
%%
If they don't want us to drink and drive, we shouldn't
need a driver's license to buy beer.
%%
If they do these things in a green tree, what shall be done in the dry?
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xxiii, 31
%%
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses
 should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If they ever give you a brief ... attack the medical evidence. Remember,
 the jury's full of rheumatism and arthritis and shocking gastric troubles.
 They love to see a medical man put through it.
 -- John Mortimer
%%
If they ever put a price on his head, he should take it.
%%
If they find you in the back seat trying to pick her locks,
 they're gonna send you back to mother in a cardboard box.
%%
If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.
 -- E. E. Cummings
%%
If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you
 should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If they knock heads, the implosion will suck all air out of the room.
%%
If they make you not then the better answer, you may say they are
not the men you took them for.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
If they mention penguins, be afraid. Be very afraid!
%%
If they only married when they fell in love most people would die unwed.
%%
If they put malt in beer and malt in milk, why not beer in milk?
%%
If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're mistaken!
 -- Homer in "Homer's Odyssey" , from The Simpsons
%%
If they try to rush me, I always say,
"I've only got one other speed--and it's slower."
 -- Glenn Ford
%%
If thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for
in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xii, 20
%%
If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.
%%
If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out.
 If thy dick offends thee, whack it off.
%%
If things are not going well with you, begin your effort at correcting
the situation by carefully examining the service you are rendering,
and especially the spirit in which you are rendering it.
 -- Roger Babson
%%
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
%%
If things improve with age, I'm nearly MAGNIFICENT!
%%
 If things were left to chance,
 they'd be better.
 -- Langin's Law
%%
If this bill [for the admission of Orleans Territory as a State] passes,
it is my deliberate opinion that it is virtually a dissolution of
the Union; that it will free the States from their moral obligation;
and, as it will be the right of all, so it will be the duty of some,
definitely to prepare for a separation,--amicably if they can, violently
if they must.
 -- Josiah Quincy (1772-1864)
 -- Abridged Cong, Debates, Jan. 14, 1811, Vol. iv, p. 327
%%
If this country is worth saving, it's worth saving at a profit.
 -- H. L. Hunt
%%
if (ThisDay() != MyDay) DosSleep(UntilNextday);
%%
If this doesn't work, UPGRADE!
%%
If this fail,
The pillar'd firmament is rottenness,
And earth's base built on stubble.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 597
%%
If this is a battle, then you have already lost.
%%
If this is a free country, why are we paying so much for it?
%%
If this is a joke--I don't get it.
 -- Written on grave
%%
If this is amoebic dysentery, then where's my lemonade?
%%
If this is a service economy, why is the service so bad?
%%
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please
 bring me some coffee.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
If this is dying, I don't think much of it.
 -- Lytton Strachey (attrib.), 1932
%%
If this is heaven, why am I bored out of my skull?
%%
If This Is Hell - Where Are the Lawyers???
%%
If this isn't war, why is CNN massing on the border?
%%
If this is only a hobby..then why I am getting paid!!
%%
If this is paradise, I wish I had a lawn mower.
%%
If this is Quarqsday, THIS must be Earth!
%%
If this is supposed to be a kinder and gentler nation, how come my tax
 refund isn't any bigger than last year. By the way, what ever happened to
 five cent gum?
%%
If this is time-sharing, give me my share right now.  It's not time yet.
%%
If this is time, then we've got some to waste!
%%
If this is to be the winter of our discontent, then I expect I'll need a
 new coat of some kind.
 -- H. Martin
%%
If this is your first visit to the USSR,
 you are welcome to it.
 -- On the door of a Moscow hotel room
%%
If this material is offensive to you, and admittedly it will be offensive
 to someone, than you should take time out to contemplate this truth.
 Seriousness is the refuge of the truly shallow!
%%
If this message goes into the void, call me!
%%
If this saying did not exist, somebody would have invented it.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
If this tagline is funny, it came from the Bulletin Board.
%%
If this tagline served beer. Wouldn't that be great!
%%
If this thing's so foolproof, why won't it work for me?
%%
If this was a real emergency, you'd've been trampled.
%%
If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable
fiction.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
If this were subjunctive, I'm in the wrong mood.
%%
 If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to
 the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your
 name and number...
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
If this were the Soviet Union you'd be reading this in Russian.
%%
If thou art a master, be sometimes blind; if a servant, sometimes deaf.
 -- Fuller
%%
If thou faint in the day of adversity thy strength is small.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxiv, 10
%%
If thou hast a loitering servant, send him of thy errand just before
his dinner.
 -- Fuller
%%
If thou injurest conscience, it will have its revenge on thee.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
If thou shouldst lay up even a little upon a little, and shouldst
do this often, soon would even this become great.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 360
%%
If thou would'st have me sing and play
  As once I play'd and sung,
First take this time-worn lute away,
  And bring one freshly strung.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- If Thou would 'st have Me sing and play
%%
If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle.
%%
If thy brother offend thee, pluck out his eye.
%%
If thy right brain offend thee, cut it out.
%%
If time heals all wounds, as you grow older, you'll get better.
%%
If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
%%
If time heals all wounds, most people should not require going all the way
 in to see the doctor. Just a wait in the waiting room should be enough.
%%
If Time is infinite, then why do I never have enough?
%%
If time is money then my watch is slow
%%
If time is money, we are all living beyond our means.
%%
If time stopped, would we notice it?
%%
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
 -- Croll's Query
%%
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on
their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat
and drop it?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell
was yesterday?
%%
If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in!
%%
If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably
be twice as good as yesterday was.
 -- Augustine's Law Number II
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
"If today you can take a thing like evolution and make it a crime to teach in
 the public schools, tomorrow you can make it a crime to teach it in the
 private schools and next year you can make it a crime to teach it to the
 hustings or in the church.  At the next session you may ban books and the
 newspapers... Ignorance and fanaticism are ever busy and need feeding.
 Always feeding and gloating for more. Today it is the public school teachers;
 tomorrow the private. The next day the preachers and the lecturers, the
 magazines, the books, the newspapers. After a while, Your Honor, it is the
 setting of man against man and creed against creed until with flying banners
 and beating drums we are marching backward to the glorious ages of the
 sixteenth century when bigots lighted faggots to burn the men who dared to
 bring any intelligence and enlightenment and culture to the human mind."
 -- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938), at the Scopes Monkey Trial

"The net effect of Clarence Darrow's great speech yesterday seemed to be
 precisely the same as if he had bawled it up a rainspout in the interior
 of Afghanistan."
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do, chapels had
been churches, and poor men's cottages princes' palaces. It is a good
divine that follows his own instructions; I can easier teach twenty
what were good to be done, than be one of the twenty to follow mine
own teaching.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
If to her share some female errors fall,
Look on her face, and you 'll forget them all.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto ii, Line 17
%%
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
 We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides.
 -- Old Yiddish proverb
%%
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
%%
If trying to control someone else's addiction is
codependency, then what's the war on drugs?
%%
If turkeys could fly Congress would be an airport...!
%%
If turning it on doesn't help, plug it in.
%%
IF TVShow$ = "Rush Limbaugh" THEN CALL ChangeChannel
%%
If two apples make a pair, how come two ferrets make a full house
%%
If two lives join, there is oft a scar.
  They are one and one, with a shadowy third;
One near one is too far.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- By the Fireside, xlvi
%%
If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the
thinking.
 -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
%%
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
 -- The Nixon principle
%%
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of
fighting a foreign enemy.
 -- James Madison
%%
if u cn rd ths u 2 cn thnk up shrt clvr tglns
%%
If u cn rd ths u shld sy no 2 drgs !
%%
If ugly was labor, you'd be a long day's work.
%%
I fully expect that our customers' grandchildren will be buying Apple
products. - Apple Computer CEO Gil Amelio
%%
IF(UNDERSTAND .EQ. .TRUE.)
  THEN
  FORTPROGJOB=POSSIBLE
ENDIF
%%
If undertakers were nationalized than everyone could have a state funeral
 at the taxpayer's expense.
%%
If UNIX is a computer system, then a pile of bricks is a house.
%%
If Unix is so damn useful, why is "no" in /usr/dict/words, but "yes" isn't?
%%
IF (User-Docs) = 1 THEN;(CALL(TechSupport))
%%
iF ut wErks tHis gOodD DoOnt mAek iT weRse!
%%
If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely.
%%
If variety = Spice/Life. Make mine milk.
%%
If vegetarians eat vegetables, I guess that makes me a humanitarian.
%%
If Version 1.0 works someone goofed...
%%
if (version==X.0) wait_for(X+0.1);
%%
If voting actually changed anything it'd be made illegal.
%%
If voting could change the system it would be illegal.  If not voting
could change the system it would be illegal.
 -- Schroedinger's Cat
%%
If voting should change anything, there would be a law against it.
%%
If water derives lucidity from stillness, how much more the faculties of
the mind!  The mind of the sage, being in repose, becomes the mirror of
the universe, the speculum of all creation.
 -- Chuang Tzu
%%
If we abide by the principles taught by the Bible, our country will go on
prospering.
 -- Daniel Webster
%%
If we applied government standards for determining the amount of salt in food
to the question of how much matter there is in the universe, we would conclude
that the universe is matter-free.
 -- Kolak & Martin, Wisdom without Answers
%%
If we are going to stick to this damned quantum-jumping, then I regret
that I ever had anything to do with quantum theory.
 -- Erwin Schrodinger
%%
If we are not stupid or insincere when we say that the good or ill
of man lies within his own will, and that all beside is nothing to
us, why are we still troubled?
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxv
%%
If we are still here to witness the destruction of our
planet some five billion years or more hence, then we will
have achieved something so unprecedented in the history of
life that we should be willing to sing our swansong with joy--
*sic transit gloria mundi*.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould
%%
If we are to begin packaging ourselves as boxes of cereal, Democracy
will die...
for you could not win the presidency without proving unworthy of   the job.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
"If we are to survive, this nation must end its love affair with guns."
 -- U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno.
If we are to survive, this nation must end its love affair with big brother
government and individuals must relearn what it means to be free.
 -- Jeff Chan, chan@shell.portal.com
%%
If we are what we eat, I'm gonna throw myself up.
%%
If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities...
%%
If we can build a space shuttle, why can't we build a
decent mattress handle?
%%
If we cannot learn from our mistakes, we just rename them; "Success".
 -- Jon Loux
%%
If we cannot live so as to be happy, let us at least live so as to deserve it.
 -- Immanuel Hermass von Fichte
%%
"If we cannot now end our differences, at least we
 can help make the world safe for diversity."
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
If we can provide an alternative to MicroSoft,
it will have been a greater good.
 -- Steve Jobs, sometime in the past
%%
If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we put all of the women there?
%%
If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we put metal in a microwave!
 -- Dr. Frazier Crane, Cheers
%%
If we can send a man to the moon - why not Bill Clinton?
%%
If we can send one man to the moon, why can't we send them all?
%%
 If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
 -- Maintainer's Motto
%%
If we can't fix it - it's broken!
%%
If we can't fix it -- we'll fix it so nobody can.
 -- B. Gibbons
%%
If we cared as much about saving males as saving whales....
%%
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
 -- Jimmy Buffet
%%
If we could pool our Group Dynamics...
%%
 If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each
 man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd
all be millionaires.
 -- Abigail Van Buren
%%
If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because
we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.
%%
If we did not take great pains, and were not at great expense to
corrupt our nature, our nature would never corrupt us.
 -- Lord Clarendon
%%
If we die, we want people to accept it.   We're in a risky business...
 The conquest of space is worth the risk of life.
 -- Gus Grissom
%%
If we do not permit the earth to produce beauty and joy,
it will not produce food either.
 -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican Forum, 3/23/90
 -- (reported in Esquire, 8/92), also reported by Reuters, 5/2/90
%%
If we don't change our direction we're likely to end up where we're headed.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
"If we don't change, we don't grow.  If we don't
 grow, we are not really living.  Growth demands a
 temporary surrender of security."
 -- Gail Sheehy
%%
If we don't know it already, chances are we're not interested in learning it.
%%
If we don't know life, how can we know death?
 -- Confucius
%%
If we don't raise 8 million dollars, God is going to kill us.
%%
If we don't stand together, we stand to lose the future
%%
If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.
 -- John Sinclair
%%
If we fail to draw the line in Vietnam we may find ourselves compelled to
 draw a defense line as far back as Seattle and Alaska, with Hawaii as a
 solitary outpost in mid-Pacific.
 -- Senator Thomas J. Dodd, February 23, 1965
%%
If we fail to make non-violent action a real, viable, obviously strong
 possibility   . . . then I think we're going to drift into guerrilla warfare.
 -- John Cavanaugh-O'Keefe, Director, Prolife Nonviolent Action Project,
    National Catholic Register, 1/4/87, about abortion clinic violence, as
     quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood
     pamphlet
%%
If we fight a war and win it with H-bombs, what history will remember
is not the ideals we were fighting for but the methods we used to
accomplish them.  These methods will be compared to the warfare of
Genghis Khan who ruthlessly killed every last inhabitant of Persia.
 -- Hans A. Bethe
%%
If we follow the advice of these people, we might as well
go back into the cave.
 -- Hans Bethe
%%
If we go into Bosnia, does Clinton flee to England again?
%%
If we go into Haiti, does Clinton flee to England again?
%%
If we had an index file, we could look it
 up in the index file under "Index File".
%%
If we had God booked and O.J. was available, we'd move God.
 -- Larry King
%%
If we had ham, we could have ham and eggs (if we had eggs).
%%
If we had no defects ourselves, we should not take so much pleasure
in noting those of others.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
If we have a crime epidemic, let's quarantine criminals.
%%
If we have everything to gain by change, relax.
 -- Hill's Third Commentary on Murphy's Law
%%
If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.
 -- Hill's Second Commentary on Murphy's Law
%%
If we honor the rights of gays then everyone else will want rights too!
%%
If we in business cannot put the brakes on this creeping socialism,
the free enterprise system will become a thing of the past.
 -- Barton A, Cummings
%%
"If we increase the size of the penguin until it is the same height
as the man and then compare the relative brain size, we now find that
the penguin's brain is still smaller.  But, and this is the point,
it is larger than it _was_."
 -- Monty Python
%%
If we keep doing what we're doing, we're going to keep getting what
we're getting.
 -- Stephen Covey, First Things First
%%
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research,
would it?
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
If we left the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy.
%%
If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.
 -- Hill's First Commentary on Murphy's Law
%%
"If we pay dogfood salespeople more than we do teachers, we should not
 be surprised if our dogs eat like kids, and our kids end up reading
 like dogs."
 -- MR KR COMAN bakc@giraffe.ru.ac.za
%%
If we really understand the problem, the answer will come out of it, because
the answer is not separate from the problem.
 -- Krishnamurti
%%
If we're going to have fun, we've got to be serious about it.
%%
If we're not listening, we'd have to be pretty blind.
 -- J-L Gassee
%%
If we're so smart and so creative, why aren't we
happier than they are?
%%
    If we take in our hand any volume; of divinity or school
metaphysics, for instance; let us ask, "Does it contain any
abstract reasoning concerning quantity or number?" No.  "Does
it contain any experimental reasoning concerning matter of
fact and existence?" No.  Commit it then to the flames: for it
can contain nothing but sophistry and illusion.
 -- David Hume
%%
If we take matrimony at its lowest, We regard it as a sort of friendship
 recognised by the police.
%%
If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy now, would it?
%%
If we understood what we were doing it wouldn't be research.
 -- Sign at Institute Laue-Langevin (Grenoble)
%%
If we want to learn anything, we mustn't try to learn everything.
 -- The Lump Law
%%
If we want to take the westerly winds into account, we could also do that
using this method, but then we'd have to take the westerly winds into
account.
%%
If we were all determined to play the first violin we should never have a
 full ensemble. Therefore respect every musician in his proper place.
 -- Robert Schumann
%%
If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
%%
If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
%%
If whales are so damned clever why do they keep swimming near Japan?
%%
If what Proust says is true, that happiness is the absence of fever,
then I will never know happiness.  For I am possessed by a fever for
knowledge, experience, and creation.
 -- Anais Nin
%%
If what the philosophers say be true,--that all men's actions proceed
from one source; that as they assent from a persuasion that a thing
is so, and dissent from a persuasion that it is not, and suspend their
judgment from a persuasion that it is uncertain,--so likewise they
seek a thing from a persuasion that it is for their advantage.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xviii
%%
If what we see is somewhat doubtful, how can we believe what is spoken
 behind our back?
%%
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
%%
If what you have just said can be interpreted in a variety of ways, that
 way which will cause the most confusion to the greatest number of people
 for the longest time and result in lasting harm and distress will
 predominate and better endure, and overcome any form of correction far more
 than any other.
%%
If, when completion of a design is imminent, field
dimensions are finally supplied as they actually are -
instead of as they were meant to be - it is always simpler
to start all over.
 -- Third Law of Revision
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
interferences - if you have none, someone will make one for you.
 -- Corollary
%%
If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel
in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary
qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.
 -- Marguerite Emmons
%%
If (Wife = "yes") then (MONEY = "Gone") else Single
%%
If Windows is User-Friendly, why do you need to read a 678-page manual?
%%
If Windows sucked it would be good for something.
%%
If winning is not important, then Commander, why keep score?
 -- Worf "11001001," stardate 41365.9.
%%
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
If wishes were fishes we'd all be in stitches.
%%
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
 -- Scottish Proverb
%%
If wishes were horses, dogfood would be a lot cheaper.
%%
If Wishes Were Horses I'd Be Slip-Sliding All Day!
%%
If women call you a Jock, can you call them a napkin?
%%
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
 -- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
%%
If women weren't so stupid, they wouldn't have to be beautiful.
%%
If words could speak, I wonder what they'd say.
%%
If working is so fucking healthy, let the sick do it!
%%
If worms carried 45's, what would the early bird do??
%%
If worms were dogs the ground would bark.
%%
If worst comes to worst, you *CAN* turn most things off.
%%
If writers were bakers, this sentence would be exactly a
dozen words long.
 -- Douglas R Hofstadter
%%
If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.
 -- Irvin S. Cobb
%%
If X is equal to the spirit of humanity, then the combination of
 the two must be of double power.  Therefore, the spirit of humanity always
 contains the power to dominate itself.
 -- Michael Moorcock
%%
If ya can't beat 'em.......RUN!
%%
If ya can't feed em', don't breed em'!!!
%%
If Ya Snooze Ya Looze...
%%
If Yassir Arafat isn't careful, he can make a reputation for himself as a
 peace monger.
%%
If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude
better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace.
We ask not your councels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands
which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity
forget that ye were our countrymen.
 -- Samuel Adams
%%
If yet not lost to all the sense of shame.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vi, Line 350
%%
If you accept the necessity for freedom of expression, it follows
that in an intellectual controversy any attempt to coerce rather
than to persuade ... is not merely an offense against the person
so coerced, but an erosion of the mechanics which make free expression
work, and therefore make it possible.
 -- Micheal Kinsley
%%
If you achieve success, you will get applause. Enjoy it--but never quite
 believe it.
 -- Robert Montgomery
%%
If you act enthusiastic, you'll be enthusiastic!
%%
If you actually look like your passport photo, you
aren't well enough to travel.
 -- Fuch's warning
%%
If you aim to please nobody it is highly probable that you will achieve
 some sort of award for the attainment of your goal.
%%
If you ain't got it then you ain't communicatin'.
%%
If you ain't makin' waves you ain't kickin' hard enough!
%%
If you ain't Moslem, you ain't Shiite.
%%
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
Quit work and play for once.
%%
If you anticipate bus delays by leaving your house thirty minutes
early, your bus will arrive as soon as you reach the bus stop or
when you light up a cigarette, whichever comes first.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
 If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our
 weapons right now and can't come to the phone.  Otherwise, we
 probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
 -- Ann Edwards-Duff
%%
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
 -- Chekhov
%%
If you are a monkey's uncle, where is your nephew/niece?
%%
If you are a normal person, you doubtless sometimes worry about things that
 might happen and fortunately do not. A neurotic person worries about things
 that did not happen and wonders why.
%%
If you are a skunk, you learn to hold your breath for a long time!
 -- Pepe the Skunk
%%
If you are a terror to many people, than you must beware of at least that
 many and lots more. For you will find that the underdog has friends and
 these tend to multiply.
%%
If you are a worm, sleep late!
%%
If you are a young director, or wish to be, the number one thing you've got
 to have is a screenplay. You can't win your millions on the roulette table
 unless you've got a chip to put on the numbers--and your chip in the film
 business is a script.
 -- Michael Winner
%%
If you are beginning to doubt what I am saying, you are
 probably hallucinating.
 -- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_
%%
If you are brave too often, people will come to expect it of you.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
If you are called upon to give a talk in public, there is a way to make
 sure it will be a success. Have a good beginning and an excellent ending,
 and keep the two as close together as possible.
%%
If you are concerned about being criticized, you're in the wrong job. However
you vote, and whatever you do, somebody will be out there telling you that you
are: (a) wrong, (b) insensitive, (c) a bleeding heart, (d) a pawn of somebody
else, (e) too wishy-washy, (f) too unwilling to compromise, (g) all of the
above. Consistency is not required of critics.
 -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
If you are crosseyed and dyslexic, can you see OK?
%%
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due
to the thing itself, but to your own estimate of it; and this
you have the power to revoke at any moment.
 -- Marcus Aurelius
%%
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what
 happens?
%%
If you are ever caught in a thunderstorm while playing golf, the best way
to keep from being struck by lightening is to pull out a 9-iron and hold it
above your head, because not even God can hit a 9-iron.
%%
If you are ever in an S&M relationship, make damn sure you are the S.
 -- Someone's mother to them
%%
If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not you should kiss a pretty girl,
 always give her the benefit of the doubt.
%%
If you are fond of hunting, there's no place that can compare--
 you may not bag a lion or a tiger or a bear--
 but if you want a jackass there are plenty of them there--
 Go West, young man!
 -- Harry Ruby
%%
If you are given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the
money.  As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.
 -- Katherine Hepburn, 87-year-old actress.
%%
If you are given a clearly defined R&D goal and a definite amount
of money which has been calculated to be necessary for the completion
of the task, one cannot predict if and when the goal will be reached.
%%
  If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

 -- Fifth Law of Applied Terror
  If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you
live.
 -- Corollary
%%
If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
 -- Brintnall's Second Law
%%
"If you are going to have doctors you had better have doctors well off; just as
if you are going to have a landlord you had better have a rich landlord.
Taking all the rounds of professions and occupations, you will find that every
man is the worse for being poor; and the doctor is a specially dangerous man
when poor."
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "The Socialist Criticism
 -- of the Medical Profession"
%%
If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you,
 down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it
 up.
 -- Tommy Bolt
%%
If you are going to throw your weight around, you ought first to join an
 aerobics class, so you get something from your effort.
%%
If you are horny, it's lust, but if your partner's horny, it's affection.
%%
If you are human, which I seriously doubt, you will have to work hard to
  earn our trust.
I'm not worried about that Jean-Luc. You only dislike me, there are others
  in the cosmos who truly despise me.
 -- Picard and Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
If you are in command and do it wisely, your subjects will obey you with
 good cheer. There is nothing more a fine gift than the ability to guide
 others in a peaceful way while all enjoy the excursion.
%%
If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty you have no heart,
but if you are still an idealist by the time you are thirty, you don't have
a head.
 -- Randolph Bourne
%%
If you are not the lead dog, the view is always the same.
%%
If you are not the poet, perhaps you can be the poem.
%%
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you'll be fired with enthusiasm.
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?
%%
If you aren't open minded, you aren't trying.
 -- DFL
%%
If you aren't rich you should always look useful.
 -- Celine
%%
If you are one in a million, there are 8 of you in New York City.
%%
If you are out of trouble, watch for danger.
 -- Sophocles
%%
If you are out to describe the truth,
leave elegance to the tailor.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
If you are really brave, trying writing a check to the IRS when you don't
 have money in your account at the bank.
%%
If you are rude to your ex-husband's new wife at your daughter's wedding,
 you will make her feel smug. Comfortable. If you are charming and polite,
 you will make her feel uncomfortable. Which do you want to do?
 -- Miss Manners (Judith Martin)
%%
If you are searching for yourself. Find a mirror first!
%%
'If you are seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.'
 -- Oliver's law of assumed responsibility
%%
If you are sitting, just sit.  If you are walking, just walk.  Above all,
don't wobble.
%%
If you are smart enough to fill out the application correctly and without
 any words spelled incorrectly, it is very likely that you are overqualified
 for the position and therefore ineligible for it.
%%
If you are stopped by a Highway Patrol Officer and have nothing in mind for
 the next several months, try saying to the Officer "Gee, you are really
 ugly!"

 If that doesn't get you somewhere, try the following. "Gee, you've got fat
 earlobes, and I've always heard that fat earlobes are a sign of stupidity."
%%
If you are sure what you do will meet with everyone's approval, somebody won't
like it.
 -- Chisholm, Third Law, Corollary 2
%%
If you are the first to know
about something bad, you are going to be held responsible for
acting on it, regardless of your formal duties.
 -- Crenna's Law of Political Accountability
%%
If you are the shopkeeper you can take things for free.
%%
If you are thin don't eat fast. If you are fat don't eat. Fast.
%%
If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
%%
If you are too cute some monsters might be tempted to embrace you.
%%
If you are to understand others, and have them understand you, know
the big words but use the small ones.
%%
If you are wearing one brown and one black shoe,
you have a pair like it somewhere in the closet.
 -- The Rule of Elderly Survival
%%
If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning.
%%
If you are what you eat, then I'm dead meat.
 -- Timbuk3
%%
If you are willing to die, you can do anything!
%%
If you are wise, be wise; keep what goods the gods provide you.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Rudens, Act iv, Sc. 7, 3, (1229
%%
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow
 your mind, make you fat--in other words, turn you into an adult. Also, if
 you want to get one of those great red beefy, impressive-looking faces that
 politicians and corporation presidents have, you had better start drinking
 early and stick with it.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
%%
If you ask your mother for one egg for breakfast, and she gives you two,
but you eat them both, who is better at arithmetic: you or your mother?
%%
If you attack Stupidity you attack an entrenched interest with friends
in government and every walk of public life.
 -- Robertson Davies
%%
If you begin the day with love in your heart, peace in your nerves,
and truth in your mind, you not only benefit by their presence but
also bring them to others, to your family and friends, and to all
those whose destiny draws across your path that day.
%%
If you believed that, I've got an autographed copy of the Bible for sale!
%%
If you believe everything you read, better not read.
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
If you believe everything you read, it would be better for you to have been
 born perpetually illiterate.
%%
If you believe I am all-powerful, then you cannot hurt me. If, however,
  I am telling the truth - and I - am a mortal - you will kill me. But if
  the only proof you will believe is my death, then shoot.
 -- Picard to Liko, "Who Watches the Watchers, stardate 43173.5
%%
If you believe in gambling, in the end you will sell your spouse.
%%
If you believe that discrimination exists, it will.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
If you believe THAT, I have a BRIDGE for sale...
%%
If you believe that talk is cheap, try getting into an argument with a
 traffic patrol person. This will straighten out your thinking and flatten
 your wallet.
%%
If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours.
 If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.
 -- Wayne
%%
If you bow at all, bow low.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
 -- Joey Adams
%%
If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already
chipped or cracked.
 -- Denys Parsons
%%
If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into
     quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #16
%%
If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you
do well matters very much.
 -- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
%%
If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog? Five? No, four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
If you call some animals pets, how
 can you call other animals dinner?
%%
If you can actually count your money
then you are not really a rich man.
 -- Paul Getty
%%
If you can afford to advertise, you don't need to.
 -- Augustine's Law Number IV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
 _____________________________________
|                                     |
| If you can beat me, you can eat me. |
|_____________________________________|
 -- Seen on the back of a 911 driven by a blonde
%%
If you can believe ten impossible things before breakfast,
 then you should join:
 The Church of Counterfactual Belief
 The Church of Counterfactual Belief has been set up to cater to all who
 don't allow demonstrable truth to get in the way of their beliefs. In
 addition to creation science and the flatness of the earth, the
 following beliefs have been certified by Pope Duane as Church dogma:
 that there is a hole in the Earth at the North Pole from which UFOs come.
 that pi equals precisely 3.000.
 that sex can be enjoyed only by blacks and homosexuals.
 that Billy Joe Wilson (Hoopla, Miss.) has successfully squared the circle.
 that Harry Truman is still president, and doing a fine job.
 that pi equals precisely 22/7.
 Several other important counterfactual beliefs are presently being
 studied, including Reaganomics, A.I., and that the moon landings were
 done in a Hollywood special effects studio. These will be the subject
 of a forthcoming Papal Bull...
%%
If you can bring about systematic confusion out of real chaos, you have all
 the qualifications necessary for an organizer.
%%
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
 -- J. Paul Getty
%%
If you can distinguish between good advice and bad advice,
then you don't need advice.
 -- Van Roy's Second Law
%%
If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man
in a kingdom of the blind.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
%%
If you can do it the hard way, it's worth doing it the easy way.
 -- The SpamPope
%%
If you can do joined up, real writing, you too can be a union leader.
%%
If you can dream it, you can do it.
 -- Walt Disney, film producer
%%
If you can endure criticism without being resentful, heaven is assured.
%%
If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
 -- Mo Udall
%%
If you can get access to the victim's key chain is to switch all
his keys for keys that look exactly the same, but don't fit the locks
he's trying to open. If you can be around for this one, it's much more
fun to watch the person go crazy as he cannot open anything he owns.
%%
If you can get others to believe your crap, you will be successful, but if you
believe it yourself you are in trouble.
%%
If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be Enthusiasm.
 -- Bruce Barton
%%
If you can, help others.  If you can't, at least don't hurt others.
 -- the Dalai Lama
%%
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.
If you can dream it, you can become it.
 -- William Arthur Ward
%%
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,
obviously you must be the headsman.
%%
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,
then you just don't understand the problem.
 -- Evans' Law
%%
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,
you'll be the tallest person in the room.
%%
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,
you must be at least a foot shorter than them.
%%
If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs,
 consider an exciting career as a guillotine operator!
%%
If you can kill a snake with it, it ain't art.
%%
If you can look into the seeds of time,
And say which grain will grow and which will not.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
If you cannot be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
%%
If you cannot catch a bird of paradise, better take a wet hen.
 -- Nikita Khrushchev
%%
If you cannot convince them, confuse them
 -- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
%%
If you cannot find happiness along the way, you will not find it at the end of
the trail.
%%
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with
love of herself- all that runs over the brim will be yours.
 -- Colton
%%
If you can not say something far better than silence, than have the common
 good sense to let silence have the day.
%%
If you cannot see this, leave me E-Mail.
%%
If you cannot stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
%%
If you can persuade your customer to tattoo your name on their chest, they
 probably will not switch brands.
 -- an Indiana University professor, re: Harley-Davidson owners
%%
If you can pick it up or drink it in one sitting, take it.
 -- James Srodes
%%
If you can read this, I'm still not in your Twit List.
%%
If you can read this, my cloaking device is on the fritz.
%%
If you can read this tagline, it is already too late....
%%
If you can read this, thank a computer technoweenie.
%%
If you can read this, thank a teacher.
%%
If you can read this you have a modem.
%%
If you can read this, you're in range.
%%
If you can read this, you're irrelevant.
 Borg
%%
If you can read this you're not from here.
 -- Bumper sticker in Arkansas
%%
IFYOUCANREADTHISYOU'REOBVIOUSLYTOOCLOSETOME.
%%
If you can read this, you're too close; get off my grave, idiot!
 -- Written on grave
%%
ifyoucanreadthisyourspecksarebetterthanmine.
%%
ifyoucanreadthisyouspendfartoomuchtimereadingtaglines.
%%
Ifyoucanreadthisyouspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines.
%%
If you can remember the 60's you weren't there.
%%
"If you can remember to say 'Alzheimers' every day, then you havn't got it."
 -- My father (a doctor)
%%
If you can see in a given situation only what everybody else can see,
you can be said to be so much a representative of your culture
 that you are a victim of it.
 -- S.I. Hayakawa, educator and politician
%%
If you can see it and it's there, then it's real.
If you can see it and it's not there, then it's virtual.
If you can't see it and it's there, then it's transparent.
If you can't see it and it's not there, then you erased it.
 -- An IBM ad
%%
If you can set the rules, you can win the game.
 -- John McCormack
%%
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless
manner, you have learned how to live.
 -- Lin Yutang
%%
If you can stand the aggravation of trying to get the kids to go out and
 shovel the snow, your heart is in good enough condition to go out and do it
 yourself.
%%
If you can still hear the music, it's not loud enough!
%%
If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
%%
If you can't agree, then agree to disagree.
%%
If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
 -- Kingsley Amis
%%
If you can't answer a man's argument, all is
not lost; you can still call him vile names.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible
warning.
 -- Catherine Aird
%%
If you can't beat 'em, ban 'em.
 -- Liberal Press Motto
%%
If you can't beat 'em, infiltrate and destroy them from within.
%%
If you can't beat em', mod em'.
%%
If you can't beat them, have them join you.
 -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
%%
If you can't be famous, try infamous.
%%
If you can't be funny, be interesting.
 -- Harold Ross
%%
If you can't be good, be careful.
%%
If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
%%
If you can't be good, belittle.
%%
If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER?
%%
If you can't be right, at least be careful.
%%
If you can't be vegetarian, then eat one.
%%
If you can't be weird, why be?
%%
If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.
%%
If you can't bite, don't show your teeth.
%%
If you can't boil water, you can't grow zucchini.
%%
If you can't carry your own precinct you're in trouble.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
If you can't change your opinion, you have already been the customer of a
 funeral home, or you are the most obstinate person ever to walk the face of
 the earth.
%%
If you can't create it--respect it.
%%
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.
%%
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
 -- David Bedno (davidbe@sco.COM)
%%
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then befuddle them with BS!
%%
If you can't debate me, then there is no way in hell you'll out-insult me.
 -- Scott Legrand (Scott.Legrand@hogbbs.Fidonet.Org)

You may be wrong here, little one.
 -- R. W. F. Clark (RWC102@PSUVM)
%%
If you can't debug it, deplug it.
%%
If you can't deliver the pie in the sky you promised, you'd better redefine
 the pie.
 -- Paul A. Samuelson
%%
If you can't do anything about it, than have the sense not to. If you can
 do something about it, perhaps it is time to step back and reevaluate your
 own potential in a less flattering light.
%%
If you can't do anything about something, pretend it doesn't exist.
%%
If you can't document it, it isn't true.
%%
If you can't do it the easy way, it's not worth doing it the hard way.
 -- The SpamPope
%%
If you can't dress weird, why dress at all?
%%
If you can't drink a lobbyist's whiskey, take his money, sleep with his women
 and still vote against him in the morning, you don't belong in politics.
 -- Speaker of the California Assembly Jesse Unruh
%%
If you can't elucidate, obfuscate.
%%
If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else.
%%
If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
 -- Mother Teresa
%%
If you can't fight and you can't flee...FLOW
%%
If you can't fight 'em, and they won't let you join 'em, best get out of
 the country.
 -- "Pappy" Maverick (in Maverick)
%%
If you can't fight, you ain't right.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
If you can't find your glasses, it's probably because you don't have them on.
%%
If you can't find your inspiration by walking around the block one time, go
 around two blocks--but never three.
 -- Robert Motherwell
%%
If you can't fix it, feature it.
 -- LAST Law of PRODUCT DESIGN
%%
If you can't get a job, get a senate appointment!!!
%%
If you can't go first class, charge it.
%%
If you can't hack it, then pick up your marbles and go home.
%%
If you can't have fun with 389ft.lbs of torque, you can't have fun.
%%
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
If you can't join them...
sure as hell you've got to beat them.
%%
If you can't keep up, drag them down to your level.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
If you can't keep up, take notes!
%%
If you can't laugh at yourself ... I'll do it for you.
%%
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll laugh at you.
%%
If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
 -- Bobby Slayton
%%
If you can't laugh at yourself, you're missing the joke.
%%
If you can't learn how to do it well learn how to enjoy doing it poorly.
 -- Brilliant's Law of Limited Ambition
%%
If you can't lick 'em---bite 'em!
%%
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?
%%
If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.
 -- Collins's Law
%%
 If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.
 -- Collins's Law
 1. Everybody who matters is stupid now and then.
 2. If I'm being stupid, that's my problem.
 3. If my being stupid makes you stupid, that's your problem.
 4. If you think you're never stupid, boy are you stupid!
 -- Corollaries ("Rabinovitch's Rules of Sane Dialogue")
%%
If you can't make both ends meat, make one end vegetable.
%%
If you can't make it big, make it good.
%%
If you can't make it good, make it big.
%%
If you can't make it good, make it big, ...like Windows!
%%
If you can't make it good, make it expensive.
%%
If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good.
 -- Bill Gates
%%
If you can't make it work, make a statistic of it.
%%
If you can't measure it, I'm not interested.
 -- Lawrence J. Peter
%%
If you can't plan ahead, plan afoot.
%%
If you can't raise the bridge, lower the river.
%%
If you cant read this, then plug the computer back in.
%%
If you can't read this, try with a modem!
%%
If you can't remember it, it couldn't have been important.
 -- Larry Groebe
%%
If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #10
%%
If you can't return a favor, pass it on.
 -- A. Louise Brown
%%
If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch!
%%
If you can't say anything nice, you probably don't have many friends.
%%
If you can't say it in 50 characters, then don't b
%%
If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic.
%%
If you can't say something nice, you're probably at the icecapades.
%%
If you can't see the bottom, wade not, for you may be in far too much
 before you know it.
%%
If you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side.
%%
If you can't see the fnords, they can't eat you.
%%
If you can't solve the problems of the world with
chocolate chip cookies, then how can you solve them?
%%
If you can't stand the heat, get a Pool.
%%
If you can't stand the heat, get back to the kitchen.
%%
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the oven.
%%
If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
If you can't stay healthy, find a sickness you like.
%%
If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't be one.
%%
If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you had better go back
  home and crawl under your bed.
 -- Q to Picard, "Q-Who?", stardate 42761.3
%%
If you can't tell a fib, make it a BIG lie.
%%
If you can't tell the difference, there is no difference.
%%
If you can't tie good knots... tie many.
%%
If you can't trust a woman with a choice, how can you
trust her with a baby?
%%
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
%%
If you can't understand it, name it.
 -- Taber's Law of Scientific Research
%%
If you can't win, at least make the person ahead of you break the record.
%%
If you can't write 'em, steal 'em
%%
If you can't write it right, you can't think it right.
%%
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
If you can write a nation's stories, you needn't worry about who makes its
 laws.   Today, television tells most of the stories to most of the people
 most of the time.
 -- George Gerbner
%%
If you care about a dream enough, make it into a reality.
%%
If you chance to think of yourself as some sort of expert on the subject of
 women, than perhaps you are the one to whom I should come with this
 question: How come women will wear a wig over a full head of hair?
%%
If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
If you chase two rubbits, both will escape.
%%
If you cheat a game, what is the point??
%%
If you cheat, you'll eventually punish yourself.
%%
If you choke a smurf, what colour does he turn?
%%
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
 -- Rush, "Freewill"
%%
If you choose not to live in a cluster, uh, dorm...
 -- Jim Zelenka
%%
If you choose to represent the various parts in life by holes upon
a table, of different shapes,--some circular, some triangular, some
square, some oblong,--and the persons acting these parts by bits of
wood of similar shapes, we shall generally find that the triangular
person has got into the square hole, the oblong into the triangular,
and a square person has squeezed himself into the round hole. The
officer and the office, the doer and the thing done, seldom fit so
exactly that we can say they were almost made for each other.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Sketches of Moral Philosophy
%%
If you chose to dance with a bear, don't stop when you get tired.
 -- Old Russian Proverb
%%
If you close your eyes, You won't see them dying
 -- Eric Bogle
%%
If you collect the chronically stupefied and encourage them toward
 collective bewilderment, and then ask them to formulate a statement, you
 have the basic elements of a very productive committee.
%%
If you come any closer introduce yourself!
%%
If you come home and he's using your diaphragm for an ashtray, it's over.
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
If you consult enough experts you can confirm any opinion.
 -- Hiram's Law
%%
If you continually give you will continually have.
%%
If you could get there from here you wouldn't want to.
%%
"If you could have any amount of money... How much would you want?"
"All of it."
 -- Cerebus
%%
If you could print all the money you wanted, and steal
all the money you wanted, couldn't you manage to stay out of debt?
%%
'If you could take all the laughter this man has given us, it would
reach to the universe and fill up the black hole in space.'
 -- Tony Orlando on Bob Hope
%%
If you cover a congressional committee on a regular basis, they will
report the bill on your day off.
 -- Herb Foster
%%
If you create bad government, blame the voters.
 -- Liberal Rule #39
%%
If you cried a little less, the audience would cry more.
 -- Edith Evans (to John Gielgud)
%%
If you cry "Forward!" you must without fail make plain in what direction
to go.  Don't you see that if, without doing so, you call out the
word to both a mond and revolutionary, they will go in directions
precisely opposite?
 -- Anton Chekhov
%%
--------> if you cut here, you'll probably destroy your monitor <---------
%%
----> If you cut here, you'll ruin your monitor. <----
%%
If you cut one inch off a board that is one inch too long,
it will be one inch too short.
 -- Angel's Law Of Home Improvement
%%
"If you'd call it a robot.  It's more a sort of electronic sulking
machine." - Arthur.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming
and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a
coward.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you demand money from someone in exchange for your silence, it's called
 ``blackmail.''   If your lawyer demands money from someone in exchange for
 your silence, it's called ``a settlement.''
 -- Karl
%%
If you desire to be accepted into a society and known as a fair sort of
 person, you must agree to be taught many things you have already long known.
%%
If you destroy delicacy and a sense of shame in a young girl, you
deprave her very fast.
 -- Mrs. Stowe
%%
If you develop rules, never have more than ten.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
If you did it and lived, you probably did it right.
%%
If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be
ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and
all of the dark leaks out.
 -- The Third Law of Photography
%%
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
%%
If you didn't know what it was, you wouldn't have called.
%%
If you didn't program it in PASCAL it's WIRTHless.
%%
If you die, I'll kill you!
%%
If you dig a deep enough hole, someone will want to jump in.
%%
If you disregard the advice of Gen. Douglas MacArthur and go into
the quicksand of an Asian country, like a domino you will fall into
the quicksand of another Asian country next to it.
 -- Andrew Jacobs
%%
If you'd lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it.
 -- Slous' Contention
%%
If you do everything, you'll win.
 -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
%%
If you do not expect the unexpected, you will not find it; for it is hard
to be sought out, and difficult.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
If you do not know where you are going, you can take almost any road, in
 whatever direction, and it will get you there. Of course, when you get
 there you will be no more lost than you were when you were here. We would
 all miss you if we knew you had arrived, but of course we didn't so we
 won't.
%%
If you do not strive with others, you will be free from blame.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.
 -- John Galsworthy
%%
If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of
technical writing, ignore it.  The piece will make perfect
sense without it.
 -- Mr. Cooper's Law
If the piece makes no sense without the word, it will make
no sense with the word.
 -- Bogovich's Corollary to Mr Cooper's Law
%%
If you do not understand my silence, then you will not understand my words.
%%
If you do not wish a thing heard, do not say it.
 -- Klingon
%%
If you do not wish to be lied to, do not ask questions. If there were no
 questions, there would be no lies.
 -- B. Traven
%%
If you don't agree with me you're wrong!
%%
If you don't answer the letters
 you receive, you won't have the problem long.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
If you don't beat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
%%
If you don't believe hell freezes over, you haven't done Windows.
%%
If you don't believe in angels, you haven't heard me sing.
If you don't believe in demons, you haven't heard me snore.
%%
If you don't believe in something, you'll fall for anything.
%%
If you don't care for your scalp, you'll get rabies!
 -- Monty Python
%%
If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
 -- Rune's Rule.
%%
If you don't control your mind, someone else will.
 -- John Allston
%%
If you don't cook you get a raw deal every meal!
%%
If you don't do it excellently, don't do it at all. Because if it's not
 excellent, it won't be profitable or fun, and if you're not in business for
 fun or profit, what the hell are you doing there?
 -- Robert Townsend
%%
If you don't drink, when you wake up in the morning that's the best you're
 gonna feel all day.
 -- Martin Mull
%%
IF YOU DON'T DRIVE...DRINK.
%%
If you don't eat garlic, they'll never smell it on you.
%%
If you don't enjoy what you have, how can you be happy with more?
%%
If you don't ever give your heart wings, you never fly!
%%
If you don't expect anything, it is quite likely that your anticipation
 will reach fulfillment, and you will get nothing.
%%
If you don't fall down, you're not trying!
%%
If you don't find it in the Index,
look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
 -- "Consumer's Guide", Sears, Roebuck and Co. (1897)
%%
If you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it; and if
 you do, it ain't worth it.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
If you don't get it first, you don't get it all.
%%
If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
 -- Clarence Day
%%
If you don't got the money, than don't go to none of them auctions, cause
 if you do, you can be in real deep trouble by a simple wrong move at the
 right time for the wrong reasons.
%%
If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
 -- Freeman Dyson
%%
If you don't have enough time to accomplish something, consider the work
 finished once it's begun.
 -- John Cage
%%
If you don't have something good to say about someone.........
let's hear it.
%%
If You Don't Have the Cash, Why Get Up?
%%
If you don't have the cash, you won't have the check,
 and even if you do have the check, you won't have the ID,
 and even if you do, they won't take it.
%%
If you don't know the answer....make one up!
%%
If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the
 appearance of doing something.
 -- David Peterson
%%
If you don't know what your program is supposed to do, you'd better
not start writing it.
 -- Dijkstra
%%
If you don't know what you want, go to an antique shop - they've got it.
%%
If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up
  somewhere else.
 -- Lawrence J. Peter
%%
If you don't know where you are when you get there, then this is a fairly
 poor place to find out that you are not where you thought you were.
%%
If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.
%%
If you don't know where you're going,
when you get there you'll be lost.
 -- Yogi Berra, Baseball Hall of Famer, NY Yankees
%%
If you don't know whether a mushroom is edible or not, you cook it all up,
 and you take a little bit and then you leave it until the next day and
 watch to see if there are any bad effects. If there aren't any, you eat a
 little more, and presently you know something.
 -- John Cage
%%
If you don't laugh at all, you've missed the point. If you only laugh,
    you've missed your chance from illumination.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson
%%
If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to
laugh at when you grow old.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
If you don't like homosexuals, don't sleep with them.
%%
If you don't like lawyers, the next time you're
arrested hire a comedian
%%
If you don't like making constant decisions, than by all means, try to
 avoid trifocals.
%%
If you don't like my attitude, call 1-800-WHO-CARES.
%%
If you don't like my attitude, stop talking to me.
%%
If you don't like my driving, dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT.
%%
If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
%%
If you don't like the police, next time, call a rioter.
%%
If you don't like these telephone numbers we have listed, complain! Dial
 1-800-ME-SORRY.
%%
If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the Batmobile.
%%
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the
street...the sidewalk...the lawn...
%%
If you don't like the way we eat, you'd better not come to the table.
 -- Jason, The Sound and the Fury
%%
If you don't like the weather in New England, wait fifteen minutes;
it will change.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
If you don't like the weather, move.
%%
If you don't like what I say, don't read your tag.
%%
If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.
 -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
%%
If you don't make money off of it, it had better be either a religious
 experience or a hobby.
 -- Lance Cooper
%%
If you don't make the rules, you don't have to keep them.
If you do make the rules, you won't anyway.
%%
If you don't make waves, you're not underway yet.
%%
If you don't need it, you will have in on file, and if you need it, the
file will be lost, or you don't have it. The more urgent the need, the less
likely you will be to find the needed response.
 -- Tillis' Law of organization
%%
If you don't pay the exorcist are you REPOSSESSED?
%%
If you don't play sports, you don't get to make beer commercials.
%%
If you don't read news.groups, the net appears to be a rather tranquil place.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer, about Usenet
%%
If you don't run your own life, somebody else will.
 -- John Atkinson
%%
If you don't say it, they can't repeat it.
 -- Wilbur C. Munnecke
%%
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.
 -- F. Jeff Stiles, Southern Baptist preacher
%%
If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
%%
If you don't think too good, don't think too much.
 -- Ted Williams
%%
If you don't think women are EXPENSIVE, marry one.
%%
If you don't think women are explosive - try dropping one!
%%
If you don't throw it, they can't hit it.
 -- Lefty Gomez's Law
%%
If you don't try new solutions, then you can expect new evils.
%%
If you don't understand UNIX, think of it as an enema.
%%
If you don't understand what I just said, don't worry.  Neither do I.
%%
If you don't vote....DON'T BITCH.
%%
If you don't vote for me I'll kill you all.
 -- Nexus
%%
If you DON'T Vote in Nov., DON'T Complain!!
%%
If you don't want it to - it CAN happen.
%%
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
%%
If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that
you won't have to work.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
If you don't want to work, you must work harder to get ahead a little so
 that you don't have to work to stay afloat, and when you are not working,
 it is work to avoid work, because it is so often presented to you as
 something to be done. It is far easier to work than not to work.
%%
If you don't want your children to hear what you are
sayin, pretend you're talking to them.
 -- Covert Conversation Code
%%
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little
Lavoris in the toilet.
 -- Comedian Jay Leno
%%
If you don't watch it, you're going to catch something.
%%
If you don't write to complain, you'll never receive your order.
If you do write, you will receive your order before your tacky letter
reaches the company.
 -- Savino's Mail-Order Law
%%
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
%%
If you do that you have a chance of dying.
%%
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
%%
If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even put.
 -- Dean Martin
%%
If you drink, don't park. Accidents make people.
%%
If you drink enough wine, it doesn't matter how bad it is.
 -- Anonymous
%%
If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.
 -- Femo's Law of Automotive Engine Repairing
%%
If you drop the soap, is it dirty?
%%
If you drop your keys into molten lava just let 'em go 'cause, man,
 they're gone.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you dye your hair, don't use water-soluble dyes.  It is hell
trying to get the colour out of your eyebrows.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to
either of you for the rest of the day.
%%
If you eat Twinkies Lite, do you kill one third less
people?  No, but you get a much lighter sentence
%%
If you eat yogurt, you'll have a lot of culture.
%%
   If you elect Bill Clinton and Al Gore that would be a disaster for
agriculture.  What Bill Clinton says he'll do, well, I'll tell you what
I'm going to do is to give a lot of balance to the interest here in California.
What we would have is an environmental summit, and guess who's going to be the
head of that enironmental summit? It's not going to be the Governor of
Arkansas. He's going to put Senator Al Gore in charge of the environmental
summit and his book will be the agenda for that environmental summit.
  I hope everyone reads that book.  We wanted to take that book to our debate,
but for some reason Al Gore didn't want us to have the book in the debate
because we wanted to make sure everyone knew what was in that book.  Because
that's the agenda for Bill Clinton.  That's the agenda of the Clinton-Gore
administration. Here's what he says about farmers.  Here's what he says
about agriculture in that book.  He says that farmers strip-mine the land.
He says that agriculture is in fact bulldozing the Garden of Eden.  Well I
tell you what, if you elect Bill Clinton and Al Gore you can say goodbye to
water, goodbye to food, and goodbye to your jobs. But come November the 3'rd,
the American people are going to say good-bye to Bill Clinton and Al Gore.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle in a speech to farmers outside
                   Fresno, California on 10/7/92.
                   (reported in the NY Times 10/8/92)
%%
If you encounter these negroes shoot first, ask questions later.
 -- LAPD squad-car computer message, as quoted in the Christopher Report, 7/91
%%
If you enjoy working with people be a mortician
%%
If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
 -- Charles Pierce
%%
If you ever become a parent..can I have one of your puppies?
%%
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in
 there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take
 it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow
 down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll
 look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you ever feel like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown,
just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second, come over
and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes.  There, isn't that better?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you ever get belted and see three fighters through a haze, go after the
 one in the middle. That's what ruined me--I went after the two guys on the
 end.
 -- Max Baer
%%
If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people
 do.  Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you ever have an accident, I hope you have on clean underwear. You're
 driving a truck--right into another truck. Now comes your mother to the
 hospital: "Did he have clean underwear?" "Yes, we found it in the glove
 compartment."
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it
 makes beer shoot out your nose.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the
 students from just trying to yodel right off.  You see, we BUILD to that.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you ever wanted *mindful* drivel, this is it.
%%
If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
have to get a toehold in the public eye.
%%
If you expect nothing, you won't be disappointed.
%%
If you expect something free to live up to your expectations, you had
 better be prepared to see your expectations shattered, since there is no
 such thing as a free lunch.
%%
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
 -- Chisholm, Third Law, Corollary 1
%%
    If you fall down seven times, get up eight times.
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
If you fear nothing, you love nothing.  If you love nothing, what
joy can there be in life?
%%
If you feed the people with revolutionary slogans they will listen today,
 they will listen tomorrow, they will listen the day after tomorrow, but on
 the fourth day they will say, "To hell with you."
 -- Nikita Khrushchev
%%
If you feel bad because you feel good and know that you will feel worse if
 you feel better, you are fairly well sure you are a hypochondriac. If you
 feel good because you feel bad and know you will feel better if you feel
 worse, you are a cairdnohcopyh, because you are doing things backwards.
%%
If you feel like you've got to lead, at least get out of my way.
%%
If you fill a vacuum, it can still suck.
 -- Dennis Ritchie
%%
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't go anywhere.
%%
If you first don't succeed, stack it and stack it again.
%%
 If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 23
%%
If you gave to forecast, forecast often.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
If you gave up sex, our children wouldn't have to deal with yours!
%%
If you get confused, listen to the music play.
 -- Robert Hunter
%%
If you get gloomy, just take an hour off and sit and think how much better
 this world is than hell. Of course, it won't cheer you up if you expect to
 go there.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
If you get hung up on syntax, you'll never make it to semantics.
 -- S. M. Ryan
%%
If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude.  That's a
 common mistake.  You have to let nudity "happen."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you get on the telephone and call an onion to hear a ring, you are a
 truly sick person.
%%
If you get somebody to give you a dollar, they'll vote for you for the rest
 of their lives.
 -- Hugh Parmer, Democratic candidate for the 1990 U.S. Senate, from Texas
%%
"If you get the feeling that I don't love you, feel again"
 -- Stupid country song titles #6
%%
If you get there, play your numbers.
 -- MA Driving #5
%%
If you get to 35 and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you've
 probably made a serious vocational error.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
If you get to the end, who cares about the means?
%%
If you get up one more time than you fall you will make it through.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today.
If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think
golf is exciting.
 -- The Angler's Credo
%%
If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day.  But if you train
a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle while at a job training
                   center in Atlanta celebrating the 10'th anniversary
                   of the Job Training Partnership Act, which Quayle helped
                   to sponsor while a senator, 10/13/92.
                   (reported in the NY Times, 10/14/92).
%%
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always
do it.
 -- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
%%
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
%%
If you give me six lines written by the most honest man, I will find
 something in them to hang him.
 -- Cardinal de Richelieu
%%
If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward
 into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you go into business to make money, you'll go out of business. If you go
into business to serve customers, you'll make money.
 -- Jay Conrad Levinson
%%
If you go into heat, package your meat.
%%
If you go long enough without a bath, even the fleas will let you alone.
 -- Ernie Pyle
%%
If you go on a trip taking two bags with you, one containing everything you
need for the trip and the other containing absolutely nothing, the second bag
will be completely filled with junk acquired on the trip when you return.
 -- Tony Hogg
%%
If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
make the rubble bounce.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends
are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend
you were swimming.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you go swimming in melted dry ice, do you get dry?
%%
If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily
 means you're a hard worker.  It may just mean that you have a lot to learn
 about proper hammer maintenance.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you go to a gunfight, take a gun
 -- Charles Nichols' Law
%%
If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party,
do this: Wait until no one is looking, then kick a burning log out
of the fireplace onto the carpet.  Then jump on top of it with your
body and yell, "Log o' fire! Log o' fire!"  I've never done this,
but I think it'd work.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you go to see the woman, do not forget the whip.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
If you had an off switch, doctor, would you not keep it a secret?
I guess I would.
 -- Data and Dr. Crusher, "Datalore", stardate 41242.4
%%
If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
%%
If you had a penny and you were on top of the Empire State Building, and
 you took that penny and threw it off the Empire State Building and it hit
 somebody in the head, it would kill him. Talk about getting your money's
 worth.
 -- Heywood Banks
%%
If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could
 cover fuses in just one class.  It's just too rich a subject.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
%%
If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be lying on the bottom of the
cage.
%%
If you hadn't nailed him to the perch,
 he'd be pushing up the daisies!
%%
If you had something like 500 GB of disk or or more, how would
you back it up?
Post it to comp.arch.storage
%%
If you had to look at Lee Iacocca and eat raw fish, you'd barf too.
%%
If you had your life to live over again--you'd need more money.
 -- Construction Digest
%%
If you hail a taxi, your bus trundles into view just as you get in.
%%
If you happen to have a million dollars, you are just about as well of as
 those who are rich.
%%
If you happen to live in a tri-level home, roller skates should not
 constitute your ordinary foot wear.
%%
If you happen to one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never
force an idea; you'll abort it if you do.  Be patient and you'll give birth to
%%
If you happen to think that you understand everything that is going on
 about you, it is likely that you are hopelessly confused. It is not met to
 be understood, but it is met to be observed and commented upon. If you are
 not totally confused, you do not really understand the situation.
%%
If you have a deity, pray now.  It's not polite to arrive unannounced!
%%
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person. They will find an
    easier way to do it.
 -- Hlade's Law
%%
If you have a dog, write it's name on it's forehead!!
%%
If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.
 -- Malcolm Forbes
%%
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever.
 Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again.
 Then hit it a third time--a tremendous whack.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
If you have an opinion we'll FLAME it.
%%
If you have a problem with homosexuals, don't have sex with any.
%%
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
%%
If you have a vision, do something with it.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
If you have a weak candidate and a weak platform, wrap yourself up in the
 American flag and talk about the Constitution.
 -- Matthew S. Quay
%%
If you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed
you.
 -- Robert F. Goheen
%%
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
If you have buns of steel do they rust?
%%
If you have enough push you won't need any pull.
%%
If you have ever cheated in solitaire, I don't really want to know you.
%%
If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes
 along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you
 with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out.
 -- Jean Kerr
%%
If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it.
 -- Margaret Fuller
%%
If you have made a mistake, cut your losses as quickly as possible.
 -- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.
 -- Bette Davis
%%
If you have never failed, you probably will not succeed, because even if
 you do, you won't know it.
%%
If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race
of life.  With confidence, you have won even before you have started.
 -- Marcus Garvey
%%
If you have not changed your vacuum cleaner bag in the past five years, you
 can forget it, since it is a little late now.
%%
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
%%
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
%%
If you have nothing worth while to say, don't open your mouth, and people
 won't see the sawdust.
%%
If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't
have that you wouldn't want.
%%
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody,
come sit next to me."
 -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
%%
If you haven't struck oil in the first three minutes, stop boring.
 -- George Jessel
%%
If you haven't time to do it right now, how will you redo it right later?
%%
If you have one foot in tomorrow and one foot in yesterday,
you're bound to find yourself pissing on today.
 -- anonymous (Usenet FOAF)
%%
If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances
are  someone else will do it for you.
 -- Clyde F. Adams
%%
If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
If you have the right-sized washer, you have the wrong-sized spanner to
 unscrew the tap, and visa versa.
%%
If you have the time, you won't have the money.
If you have the money, you won't have the time.
 -- Wolter's law
%%
If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.
%%
If you have to eat crow, eat it while it's hot.
 -- Alben W. Barkley
%%
If you have to hate, hate gently.
%%
If you have to lie to someone, it's their fault.
 -- Toni's Solution to a Guilt-Free Life
%%
If you have too many problems, maybe you should go out of business. There
 is no law that says a company must last forever.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
If you have to scream, you're not doing it right.
 -- Billy Martin
%%
If you have to swallow a frog, try not to think about it. If you have
to swallow two frogs, don't swallow the smaller one first.
%%
If you have to think about it, it's too late.
%%
If you have to travel on the Titanic, why not go first class?
 -- Madison's Inquiry
%%
If you have trouble attracting men, try ordering pizza instead. This way
 you can get whatever you like--the right size, the right toppings, and once
 the delivery boy is in your house, he's yours.
 -- Hilary Dalton
%%
If you have trouble reading the screen, consider
going to an optho... opthama ... opthoma.. eye doctor.
%%
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch
 it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
 -- Law of Reruns
%%
If you have writ your annals true, 't is there
That, like an eagle in a dove-cote, I
Flutter'd your Volscians in Corioli:
Alone I did it. Boy!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act v, Sc. 6
%%
If you help a friend in need he's sure to remember you - the next time he's
in need.
 -- Cheit's Lament
%%
If you hide your generic food cans at the bottom of the garbage can, you
 can legitimately be called a snob.
%%
If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for a
day.  But if you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish,
he'll have headaches for the rest of his life.
%%
If you hit every time, the target's too near.
%%
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
 -- DeVries' Dilemma
%%
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
%%
If you jot down every silly thought that pops into your mind, you
will soon find out everything you most seriously believe.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
 -- Mother Teresa
%%
If you juggle with knives, you're likely to get cut.
 -- Kieran Donegal
%%
If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on
anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.
 -- Margaret Thatcher
%%
If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to
boot yourself in the posterior.
 -- A. J. Liebling
%%
If you keep a thing for seven years, you are sure to find a use for it.
 -- Sir Walter Scott
%%
If you keep a tight lip, often a lot of loose talk can be prevented.
%%
If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a
prophet.
 -- Isaac Bashevis Singer
%%
If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of rubbish
into it.
 -- William A. Orton
%%
If you keep your mouth shut you'll never put your foot in it.
%%
If you killed the baby Adolf Hitler, would you be evil?
%%
If you kill imagination, that is a kind of long term suicide.
%%
If you kill the cat, who ya gonna get to catch the mouse?
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
If you kiss and make up, fight with the opposite sex.
%%
If you knew 9 more things, you'd be an idiot.
%%
If you knew it, when did you know you knew?
%%
If you knew my infinite charm, there'd be no reason to be alarmed.
%%
If you knew what Mona Lisa knew, you'd smile too.
%%
If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
 -- Fresco's Discovery
%%
If you know SHEZ then you know power!!
%%
If you know someone who has had a moustache for more than three years,
never let that man sleep on your sofa.
%%
  If you know that fundamentally there is nothing to seek, you have settled
    your affairs.
 -- Rinzai
%%
If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.
 -- Arthur "Bugs" Baer
%%
If you learn something by watching the mistakes of others, it just seems
 fair to make some effort to return the favor.
%%
If you learn to watch people, you will have no need for movies.
 -- G.I.G.
%%
If you leave 2 bills together, they breed!
%%
If you leave the room, you're elected.
 -- Matilda's Law of Sub-committee Formation
%%
If you lend a person any money, it becomes lost for any purposes of your own.
When you ask for it back again, you find a friend made an enemy by your own
kindness. If you begin to press still further- either you must part with that
which you have intrusted, or else you must lose that friend.
 -- Plautus
%%
If you lie to the computer, it will get you in the end.
%%
If you lie, you'll cheat. And if you cheat, you'll steal.
%%
If you like Congress, you'll *love* Bill Clinton!
%%
If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
 -- Hadley's Law of Clothing
%%
If you like riding horses, consider going back to the traditional
side-saddle mode.  You will fall off far less.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
If you like to spend your vacation in out-of-the-way places where few
 people go, let your wife read the map.
 -- Jack Carter
%%
If you listened hard enough the first time, you might have heard what
I meant to say.
%%
If you listen to the news, read the news, you'd think we were still
in a recession. Well, we're not in a recession. We've had growth;
people need to know that. They need to be more upbeat, more positive...
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91
%%
If you LIVE backwards, it is EVIL.
%%
"If you lived here, you'ld be home now"
 -- Spraypainted on a wall in an urban getto
%%
If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd
buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off,
wouldn't you?
 -- Garrison Keillor
%%
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
 -- Graham Summer
%%
If you live in an apartment building with more than four floors, it pays to
 be nice to the elevator repairman.
%%
If you live long enough, it WILL kill you...
%%
If you'll excuse me a minute, I'm going to have a cup of coffee.
 -- broadcast from Apollo 11's LEM, Eagle, to Johnson Space Center, Houston
      July 20, 1969, 7:27 P.M.
%%
If you look around a poker game and there's no sucker, you're it.
%%
If you look closely at Gorbachev's head, you'll see our number.
%%
If you look just close enough, you can see anything you want.
%%
If you lose a son, you can always get another.
But there is only one Maltese Falcon.
%%
If you lose the power to laugh,
 you lose the power to think.
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
If you lose your memory just forget about it.
%%
If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist,
he'll get rich or famous or both.
 -- James C. Hagerty
%%
If you love something, kill it.  If it returns, you belong to it forever.
%%
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't come back, it never was yours in the first place.
 -- Proverb
%%
If you make a mess, clean it up.
 -- Mom
%%
If you make a mistake, cover all traces of the fact immediately.
%%
If you make a mistake, you right it immediately to the best of your ability.
%%
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a
year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
If you make every game a life-and-death proposition, you're going to have
 problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot.
 -- Dean Smith
%%
If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil.
 -- Fielding
%%
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you
really make them think, they'll hate you.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
If you make the world a little better, then you have accomplished a great deal.
%%
If you marry you will regret it.
If you do not marry, you will also regret it.
%%
If you meet a man who tells you that his favorite food is barbecued garlic
 cloves, you are talking to what is basically a very lonely man.
%%
If you meet a person on the path, do not greet him
 with words or silence.

 How will you greet him?
%%
If you meet Buddha on the road, kill him!
 -- Sheldon Kopp
%%
If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody
 in the whole wide world, don't trust him. It means he experiments.
%%
If you meet The Buddha on the Net, flame him.
%%
If you meet the Buddha on the net, put him in your kill file.
 -- Robert Firth
%%
If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.
 -- Schmidt's Law
%%
If you miss your cat, look under my tires.
%%
If you move the TV any closer to the bed I'll be sleeping with Jay Leno!
%%
If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi!
%%
If you must go down, go down if flames.
%%
If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold
 yourself up as a warning and not as an example.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
If you need a calculator, its too complex.
%%
If you need a physician, employ these three: a cheerful mind, rest,
and a temperate diet.
%%
If you need a spoon, keep one around. Carry a thermos to help wash it
    down.  Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out - use it for
  spackle or bathroom grout.
 -- A. Yankovic, "Spam"
%%
If you need a wand of digging, kindly ask the minotaur.
%%
If you need help to discover what the entrees on the menu mean, you are in
 the wrong place, since it is highly unlikely you will be able to afford the
 meal!
%%
If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.
 -- Sueker's Note
%%
If you never talk to strangers, then how do you ever meet anyone?
%%
If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry
 you. I want to have children ..."--they leave skid marks.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
If you obey all of the rules, you miss all of the fun.
 -- Katherine Hepburn
%%
If you only knew the power of the Dark Side - The Montreal Canadiens.
%%
If you only know WHY, then you are a scientist.
%%
If you only see one movie this year...you should get out more often!
 -- The Naked Gun 2 1/2
%%
If you only want to go 500 miles, can you begin with a halfstep?
%%
If you order extra cheese on a pizza do you really get it?
%%
If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem.  If you owe the bank $100
 million, that's the bank's problem.
 -- John Paul Getty
%%
If you own a machine, you are in turn owned by it, and spend your time
 serving it...
 -- Marion Zimmer Bradley, _The Forbidden Tower_
%%
If you Pascal on the road, go C him and his dog Spot.
%%
If You Pass This Point You Will Most Certainly Die.
 -- sign on birth canal
%%
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
 -- James Goldsmith
%%
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a
procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way
will promptly develop.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  4
%%
If you permit yourself to read meanings into (rather than drawing meanings out
of) the evidence, you can draw any conclusion you like.
 -- Michael Keith, "The Bar-Code Beast", The Skeptical Enquirer Vol
 -- 12 No 4 p 416
%%
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
 you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
If you play Satanist music backwards, do you get hymns?
%%
If you play with something long enough, you will surely break it.
 -- Louis Zahner
%%
If you post it, they will flame.
 -- The voice from Field of Dreams,
       according to Brian Frost (b1f5814@rigel.tamu.edu)
%%
If you pour a beer right you'll always get good head.
%%
If you pray for the ACLU, will they sue you over it?
%%
If you preface a joke by saying, "This is really funny," no one will
laugh.
%%
If you prefer, simply type w rather than west.
%%
If you prick me, do I not...leak?
 -- Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk?
%%
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
 -- Fudd's First Law of Opposition
%%
If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine,
 you won't get any ice.  If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get
 ice, but no cup.
%%
If you put a chain around the neck of a slave, the other end fastens itself
around your own.
 -- Emerson
%%
If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel of sewage, you have sewage.
If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel of wine, you have sewage.
 -- SCHOPENHAUER'S LAW OF ENTROPY
%%
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage.  But
this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is
somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.
 -- Pierre Gallois
%%
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
%%
If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds
 of a restaurant.
 -- Snoopy
%%
If your aim in life is nothing, you can't miss.
%%
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #13
%%
If your behind is in front, you turned around!
%%
 If your Bicycle doesn't look good you can paint it or get better parts.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a man number 26
%%
 If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a man number 12
%%
 If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 13
%%
If your bread is stale, make toast.
%%
If your can't talk "flatlander" - you're not hip.
%%
If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy,
you are on the way to the scrap-heap.
 -- Glen Buck
%%
If your computer doesn't multitask, it ain't shit.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
If your computer speaks English it was probably made in Japan.
%%
If your cow doesn't give milk dairy farming just isn't for you!
%%
If your cow doesn't give milk, sell him!
%%
If your cow has only one teat dairy farming just isn't for you!
%%
If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted.
%%
If you're 18 and can read this, you must be Japanese.
%%
If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get
 your first anvil.  How innocent you are, little blacksmith.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins
 or changes colors.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your act, I don't
 think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people
 see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's just too much."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would
 really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you read a lot of books, you're considered well read. But if you watch a
 lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
If you read this tagline right to the very end you will most certainly die.
%%
If you're afraid of trapdoors, just cover the floor with all you've got.
%%
If you're a happy little citizen, clank your chains!
%%
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right
 back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you REALLY must stay, please leave.
%%
If you really want to annoy your neighbors and worry them no end, cause
 them to sit up nights in anxiety, than there is but one way to do it. Tell
 the truth about them. Truth needs no embellishment and is always better
 than any fiction possible.
%%
If you really want to be original, try being yourself, since God never made
 any two of us alike. Variety is the spice of life. Variety is what makes
 the world go around.
%%
If you really want to experience frustration, try telling some pessimist
 how nice they look and getting some enthusiam going.
%%
If you really want to get someone's attention, mention their name in a
 whisper.
%%
If you really want to know, you won't ask me.
%%
If you really want to sell something, tell the women it is a bargain, but
 tell the man it is deductible.
%%
If you really want to understand something, try to change it.
 -- Kurt Lewin
%%
If you're already in a hole, there's no use to continue digging.
 -- Roy W. Walters
%%
If you're an archeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a
 skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns out it's not a
 skull but just an old dried-out potato.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a
buzz-saw.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
If you're asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
 -- Zisla's Law
%%
If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the
 cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but
 instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball.  Then,
 later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake
 cough and throw the ball to the ground.  Then say, "Boy, these are good
 cigars!"
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you're at the front of the queue, the
 driver comes to a halt at the back.
%%
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really
 embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you're coasting, you're going downhill.
 -- L. R. Pierson
%%
If you're confident after you've just finished an exam, it's because
you don't know enough to know better.
 -- Jay Weisman
%%
If you redo a batch file, is it a son of a batch?
%%
If you're ever right, never let 'em forget it.
 -- Edgar R. Riedler
%%
If you're ever selling your house, and some people come by, and a big rat comes
 out and he's dragging the rattrap because it didn't quite kill him, just tell
 the people he's your pet and that's a trick you taught him.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak
 the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy."  I bet it means something.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth, in your underwear, don't start
 thinking of what other words have "under" in them, because that's probably the
 first sign of jungle madness.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you're facing the richest and most disgusting conspiracy in history,
you have to do more than stick up two fingers and say "peace".
 -- Ben Elton, Stark
%%
If you're feeling down, depressed and lonely, I know a place we can go.
%%
If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it.
 -- Boling's Postulate.
%%
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
%%
If you regard discomfort as a normal condition you are
not likely to be troubled by want.
 -- Ieyasu's maxims
%%
If you're going faster than 90 MPH and they chase you -- make 'em *earn* it.
%%
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for
tomorrow morning, sleep late.
 -- Henny Youngman
%%
If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.
 -- Leo Rosten
%%
If you're going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet.
 -- Keith Richards
%%
If you're going to make rubbish, be the best rubbish in it.
 -- Richard Burton
%%
If you're going to plagiarize, go way back.
 -- Senator Barry Goldwater (to Senator Joseph Biden)
%%
If you're going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will
 forgive you but the bureaucracy won't.
 -- Hyman Rickover
%%
If you're going to split hairs, I'm going to piss off.
%%
If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.
%%
If you're going to write about human beings, you might as well
make them people.
 -- Woody Allen, The Front
%%
If you're gonna drink and drive, drink 7-up!
%%
If you're gonna get down...Get Down and Prey!
%%
If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.
%%
If you're gonna' panic, panic constructively.
%%
If you're gonna shoot, shoot.  Don't talk.
 -- Il Brutto
%%
If you're gonna sin, you may as well be original
 -- The Young Ones
%%
If you're gonna use s, at least write yer own! (c)
%%
If you regularly eat green vegetables
 for 80 years, you'll never die young.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
If you're happy, you're successful.
%%
If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your
 lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you're looking for trouble, I can offer a wide selection.
%%
If you rely on Murphy's law, everything will go as planned
(but don't count on it.)
 -- Sullivan's Observation
%%
If you're normal, who wants to be normal?
%%
If you're not a hemmoroid get off my ass!
%%
If you're not a player, you're not in the game.
 -- Vinnie Terrenova's mob motto on WISEGUY
%%
If you're not careful, you're going to catch something.
%%
If you're not confused, you must try harder.
%%
If you're not confused, you're misinformed.
%%
If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
%%
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
%%
If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.
%%
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
%%
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
 -- Henry J. Tillman
%%
If you're not recycling, you're throwing it all away
%%
If you're not the steamroller, you're part of the road.
%%
If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
If you're not wasted, then the day is.
%%
If you're offended now, try playing my message backwards.
%%
If you're old and you lose, they say you're outmoded. If you're young and
 you lose, they say you're green. So don't lose.
 -- Terry Brennan
%%
If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
If you require someone to change you require them to lie.
%%
If you're reading this, at least you're busy.
%%
If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal
of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
%%
If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
%%
If you're running against Nixon you don't have to say anything. You don't
 even have to get out of bed in the morning to beat him.
 -- Harry S. Truman
 (advising Edmund "Pat" Brown to keep his speeches short in his campaign for
 the governorship of California against Richard Nixon.)

 Always stay in with the outs.
 -- David Halberstam
%%
If you resent it don't do it; if you do it, don't resent it.
%%
If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #18
%%
If you're small, you better be a winner.
 -- Billie Jean King
%%
IF You're smoking after sex then you're going *WAY* too fast!
%%
If you're so competent that you are irreplaceable,
you won't be promoted.
 -- Node's Law of Stasis
%%
If you're so smart... Why ain't you reasonable?
%%
If you're so special, why aren't you dead?
%%
If you're speaking of worships of sorts, we represent many beliefs.
 -- McCoy, "Bread and Circuses," stardate 4040.7.
%%
If you're there before it's over, you're on time.
 -- James Walker
%%
If you're thinking what I am...well then you're psychic!
%%
If you're too old to learn, you were born so.
%%
If you're traveling in a time machine, and you're eating corn on the cob, I
 don't think it's going to affect things one way or the other.  But here's the
 point I'm trying to make: Corn on the cob is good, isn't it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you're trying to drive me crazy, you're too late!
%%
If you're willing to travel, or just super-desperate, the best place in the
 world to meet unattached men is on the Alaska pipeline. I'm told that the
 trek through the frozen tundra is well worth the effect for any woman who
 wants to know what it feels like to be Victoria Principal.
 -- Linda Sunshine
%%
If you're witch hunting, I spell mine with a B.
%%
If you're working on your dissertation and you're
reading Usenet, add six months to your graduation date.
%%
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of
 the cup.
 -- Norm Crosby
%%
If your face were a tree, it would be different.
%%
If your facts are wrong but your logic is perfect, then your
conclusions are inevitably false. Therefore, by making
mistakes in your logic, you have at least a random chance of
coming to a correct conclusion.
 -- Christie-Davies' Theorem
%%
If your father told you he could determine the sex of a puppy by looking at
the bottoms of its feet, he was lying.
%%
If your feet smell and your nose runs then you're built upside down.
%%
If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay
 to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do
 some tricks.  But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If your friend won't lend you fifty dollars, he's probably a close friend.
%%
If your god is dead, try one of mine!
%%
If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
If your heart were filling gas tanks on a car, you could fill about 400
 cars a day, if they were almost out of gas.
%%
If you ride a horse, sit close and tight; if you ride a man, sit easy and
 light.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and
 rubber bands, don't let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away.
 Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day.  Later, he'll
 thank you.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If your lead pencil is less than three inches long, and still equipped with
 a virgin eraser, you are about as close to perfection as this world will
 allow you to be.
%%
If your life is just a highway, and your soul is just a car,
 objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are...
 -- Meat Loaf
%%
If your life is stuck in a rut... stuck in a rut... stuck in a rut...
%%
If your message arrives late, you keep the tagline as our free gift!
%%
If your monthly phone bill includes over seventy-five dollars' worth of
 calls to Entertainment Tonight 900-number opinion polls, get a life ... If
 you always make a point to sit up front on a bus so you can "chat" with the
 driver ... get a life! If you still own and operate a CB radio and you are
 not a licensed interstate truck driver ... get a life! If you are on a
 first-name basis with all of the security guards at your local shopping
 mall ... Get a life!
 -- Charlie Kadau
%%
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of
something you left out.
%%
If your opponent calls you a liar, call him a thief.
 -- "Big Bill" Thompson
%%
If your past isn't checkered, why are you in Atlanta?
%%
If your position is everywhere, your momentum is zero.
%%
If your project doesn't work, look for the part you didn't
think was important.
 -- Biondi's Law
%%
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no
 longer be fantasies.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.
 -- Jonathan Winters
%%
If your songs don't go over...do a medley of costumes.
 -- Elvis
%%
If your stomach disputes you, pacify it with cool thoughts.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
If your strength is small, don't carry heavy burdens.  If your words are
worthless, don't give advice.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you. This is not to say
 that the doctor will not apply effort, and in the end, you may die beyond
 your means.
%%
If your trouble is of long standing.  Try kneeling.
%%
If you run across a restaurant where you often see priests eating with
 priests, or sporting girls with sporting girls, you may be confident that
 it is good. Those are two classes of people who like to eat well and get
 their money's worth.
 -- A. J. Liebling
%%
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
 -- Sam Levenson
%%
If you said what you thought, you'd be speechless.
%%
If you sat a monkey down in front of a keyboard,
 the first thing typed would be a UNIX command.
 -- Bill Lye
%%
If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it.
%%
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you
think liked dolphins the most?  I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you?  You'd
be wrong though.  It's Hambone.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
        If you say no, my brother and I will come here for breakfast, lunch,
                 and dinner every day of the week.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
If you say nothing no one can make you repeat it.
%%
If You Say Nothing, No One Will Repeat It.
%%
If you say, "Would there were no wine" because of the drunkards, then
you must say, going on by degrees, "Would there were no steel," because
of the murderers, "Would there were no night," because of the thieves,
"Would there were no light," because of the informers, and "Would there
were no women," because of adultery.
 -- St. John Chrysostom: Homilies, c. 388
%%
If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot.
 -- Italian Proverb
%%
If you score is between:                    You are

0x000 and 0x010       ->         Computer Illiterate
0x011 and 0x040       ->         a User
0x041 and 0x080       ->         an Operator
0x081 and 0x0C0       ->         a Nerd
0x0C1 and 0x100       ->         a Hacker
0x101 and 0x180       ->         a Guru
0x181 and 0x200       ->         a Wizard

Note: If you don't understand the scoring, stop here.
 -- from THE HACKER TEST
%%
If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
 -- Satellite Safety Tip No.14
%%
If you see a hoodwink, should you wink back?
%%
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why shouldn't you hit him?
It might be your bicycle.
%%
 If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention
 of doing you good, you should run for your life.
 -- Thoreau's Law
%%
If you see an animal and you can't tell if it's a skunk or a cat, here's a good
 saying to help: "Black-and-white, stinks all right.  Tabby-colored, likes a
 fella."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you see an onion ring
      -answer it!
%%
If you see any marbles, send them to me.  They're mine!
%%
If you see any misspelled words it HAS to be line noise.
%%
If you see a snake, just kill it--don't appoint a committee on snakes.
 -- H. Ross Perot
%%
If you see God, tell Him I'm looking for Him.
%%
If you seek enlightenment diligently enough, someone will sell it to you.
%%
If you seem to be getting better, it's your doctor getting worse.
 -- MURPHY'S FLU LAW
%%
If you seem to know what you are doing, you'll be given more to do.
%%
If you see nurses you better start looking somewhere for a doctor.
%%
"If you see the man who invented the wheel, send him up; I want to give
him a piece of my mind.  Meddler!"
 -- Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein
%%
If you set out to take Vienna, then take Vienna.
 -- Napoleon
%%
If you share a path with an elephant, no matter who stumbles, you lose.
%%
    If you sincerely desire a _truly_ well-rounded education,
you must study the extremists, the obscure and nutty.    You
need the balance!  Your poor brain is already being
impregnated with middle-of-the-road crap, twenty-four hours a
day, _no matter what_.  Network TV, newspapers, radio, magazines
at the supermarket... even if you never watch, read, listen,
or leave your house, even if you are deaf and blind, the
_telepathic pressure alone_ of the uncountable normals
surrounding you will insure that you are automatically well-
grounded in consensus reality.
 -- Rev. Ivan Stang
 -- High Weirdness By Mail
%%
If you skate on thin ice, skate _fast_!
%%
If you slip between the thighs, be sure to condomise.
%%
If you smoke after sex, you need lubricant.
%%
If you smoke on the premises, we shall assume you are on fire
and treat you accordingly...
%%
If you sold tombstones, no one would die.
%%
If you sold umbrellas, it would never rain.
%%
 If you sprinkle
 while you tinkle,
 please be neat
 and wipe the seat.
 -- Toilet graffiti
%%
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
%%
If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
%%
If you stand straight, do not fear a crooked shadow.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
If you stand up to be counted someone will take your seat.
%%
If you start to walk, a bus appears when
 you are exactly halfway between stops.
%%
If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.
%%
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
%%
If you steal something small you are a petty thief,
but if you steal millions you are a gentleman of society.
 -- Greek Proverb
%%
If you step on people in this life, you're going to come back as a
 cockroach.
 -- Willie Davis
%%
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
 Or some joker who is slicker,
 Will trick you of your liquor,
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
%%
If you stop to think about it, you're already dead.
%%
If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly
imagine!
 -- Ben Kenobi (Star Wars)
%%
If you study the logistics and heuristics of the mystics,
 You will find that their minds rarely move in a line.
%%
If you submit your paper to a second editor, his journal invariably
demands an entirely different reference system.
 -- Maeve O'Conner
%%
If you substitute other kinds of intellectual property into the GNU
 MANIFESTO, it quickly becomes absurd.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
If you subtract your pulse rate from your I.Q., you get your
 "blood-intelligence level."  This is the rate at which you decide
 not to do something which might make you bleed.
%%
If you subtract you sneaker size from the caliber of a bullet fired
 at you, you will get the number of centimeters you can run before
 being hit.
%%
If you suffer, thank God! - it is a sure sign that you are alive.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
If you suspect a man, don't employ him, and if you employ him, don't
suspect him.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
If you take a computer apart and put it back together enough times you will end
up with two computers... neither of which work.
%%
If you take a oriental and turn him around
 so he faces west, does he become disoriented?
%%
If you take pleasure in criticism, it's time to hold your tongue.
%%
If you take something apart and put it back together often enough,
you will eventually have two of them.
 -- Rap's Law of Inanimate Reproduction
%%
If you take something apart, odds are you cannot get it back
together again.
 -- SIMON'S COROLLARY
%%
    If you take the game of life seriously, if you take your
    nervous system seriously, if you take your sense organs
    seriously, if you take the energy process seriously, you
    must turn on, tune in and drop out.
%%
If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
If you take yourself seriously in politics, you've had it.
 -- Lord Carrington
%%
If you talk about yourself, he'll think you're boring. If you talk about
 others, he'll think you're a gossip. If you talk about him, he'll think
 you're a brilliant conversationalist.
 -- Linda Sunshine
%%
If you talk the talk, you damn well better walk the walk.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
If you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you,
 it won't sound good to anybody.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
 If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
 -- Cannon's Comment
%%
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
If you tell the truth, you have infinite power supporting you; but
if not, you have infinite power against you.
 -- Charles Gordon
%%
If you tell the truth, you must smile.  Otherwise, people will kill you.
%%
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this,
 but that's another weakness.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you think Barney's a pain in the ass then you haven't met my ex!
%%
If you think Barney's a pain, then you haven't met my wife!
%%
If you think before you speak, the other guy gets his joke in first.
%%
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
 -- Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia
%%
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
 -- Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia
%%
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
 -- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
%%
If you think it's buggers, but it's snot.
%%
If you think it's stolen, it came from Lynk!
%%
If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens
 tomorrow!
%%
If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
 try missing a couple of car payments.
 -- Earl Wilson
%%
If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain
that you will create a despotic government to be your master.  The
wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense
that they are helpless and ineffectual.
 -- Frank Herbert, The Dosadi Experiment
%%
If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try a different position.
%%
If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.
%%
If you thinks my speeling, is bad check my grammers!
%%
If you think ... stop it.
%%
If you think that you are sweet, take off your jock & smell the seat!!
%%
If you think the person who inherited all that money is bad now, just
 imagine what would have happened if the estate were larger than it actually
 was!
%%
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
 -- Arthur Kasspe
%%
If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
shopping center in the world?
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
If you think this fortune is confusing, then change one pig.
%%
If you think this is funny, look in a mirror.
%%
if (you_think(this_tagline) == funny) laugh();
%%
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
%%
If you think Windows is slow, try Norton DeskTop!
%%
If you think women are moody and bossy - get a cat.
%%
If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.
 -- Mary Kay Ash
%%
If you think you have enemies, then, dear simpleton, you will have enemies.
%%
If you think you have no faults, that makes one.
%%
If you think you have someone eating out of your hand, it is not at all a
 bad idea to count your fingers.
%%
If you think you might faint, don't worry; you can always go into psychiatry.
%%
If you think your boyfriend hits you 'because he cares'.
%%
If you think you're boring your audience, go slower not faster.
 -- Gustav Mahler
%%
If you think you're free, there's no escape possible: Baba Ram Dass
%%
If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with
a mosquito in the room.
 -- Anita Koddick
%%
If you think your wife's jewellery is an investment, try selling a few pieces.
%%
If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you see what happens today.
%%
If you throw a cat out the car window, is that kitty litter?
%%
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat
 and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
%%
If you took all the sincerity in Hollywood and put it in the navel of a fruit
 fly, you'd still have room for three carraway seeds and a producer's heart.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
 -- Graffiti in the Big Ten
%%
If you took everyone who's ever been to a Dead
 show, and lined them up, they'd stretch halfway to
 the moon and back... and none of them would be
 complaining.
 -- a local Deadhead in the Seattle Times
%%
If you treat a sick child like an adult and a sick adult like a child,
 everything usually works out pretty well.
 -- Ruth Carlisle
%%
If you treat people right they will treat you right; 90 per cent of the time.
%%
If you truly love something, set it free. If it returns, it will
 be yours forever. If it doesn't, then hunt it down and kill it!
%%
If you try to be too sharp, you will cut yourself.
%%
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
%%
If you try to please everybody, somebody is not going to like it.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
If you turn blind: don't expect your dog to be turned into a seeing-eye dog.
%%
If you turn on the light quickly enough you can see what the dark looks
 like.
%%
If you understand everything, you must be misinformed.
 -- Japanese Proverb
%%
If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
%%
              If you understand, things are as they are.
                If you do not understand, things are as they are.
 -- Gensha, Zen Master
%%
If (you_understand_this == 1)
{
 C.programmer.job = posibility;
}
%%
If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
 -- A. L.
%%
If you use a waffle iron for a pillow, be sure it is unplugged.
 -- Gary Owens
%%
If you've come for my guns, prepare to die.
%%
If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round
it off with
dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
%%
If you've got a problem with this then go back, write the whole thing out
 using sigma notation and convince yourself that it's better not to have
 problems.
%%
If you've got part of it, flaunt that part.
%%
If you've got water on the knee, you're not aiming straight!
%%
If you've half a mind to watch TV, that's enough!
%%
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me. I want to hear it again.
%%
If you've never met a student from the University of Chicago, I'll describe
 him to you. If you give him a glass of water, he says, "This is a glass of
 water. But is it a glass of water? And if it is a glass of water, why is it
 a glass of water?" And eventually he dies of thirst.
 -- Shelley Berman
%%
If you've never said "excuse me" to a parking meter or
bashed your shins on a fireplug, you're probably wasting too
much valuable reading time
%%
If you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all.
 -- Spiro Agnew
%%
If you've seen one Grand Canyon, you've seen them all.
 -- a member of the Monkey Wrench Gang
%%
If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen 'em all.
%%
If you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
%%
If you view your problem closely enough you will
recognize yourself as part of the problem.
 -- Ducharm's Axiom
%%
If you visit an American City,
You will find it very pretty.
Just two things of which you must beware:
Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air.
Pollution, pollution, the got smog and sewage and mud,
turn on your tap and get hot and cold running crud.
 -- POLLUTION by Tom Lehrer
%%
If you voted for Bill and Al, you actually got Beavis and Butt-head.
%%
If you voted for Bill and Al, you actually got Ren & Stimpy.
%%
If you voted for Bill and Al, you also voted for Hillary and Tipper!
%%
If you voted for CLinton, You must have inhaled!
%%
If you wait, it will go away.
%%
If you wait, it will go away.
 -- Hellrung's Law
Having done its damage.
 -- Shavelson's Extension
If it was bad, it'll be back.
 -- Grelb's Addition
%%
If you wait long enough, everything will come to you. It's called hash.
%%
If you wait there long enough, you'll be there when it
 happens, but you won't like it, and wish you were elsewhere. Living means
 you must keep moving.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
If you wake up and find yourself a success, then you haven't been asleep.
%%
If you wanna complain about my attitude dial 1 (800) EAT-SH*T.
%%
If you wanna do it right, then why do it?
%%
If you wanna get down, down on the ground, cocaine.
 -- Eric Clapton
%%
If you want a friend, then be a friend.
%%
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
 -- Clint Eastwood
%%
    If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot
stamping on the human face-- forever . . . And remember that
it is forever.
 -- George Orwell
 -- 1984
%%
If you want a place in the sun, prepare to put up with a few blisters.
%%
If you want a thing well done, do it yourself.
 -- Charles Haddon Spurgeon
%%
If you want a track team that will win the high jump, you find one
person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.
 -- Frederick E. Terman
%%
If you want divine justice, die.
 -- Nick Seldon
%%
If you want enemies, excel others; if you want friends let others excel you.
 -- Colton
%%
If you want good food, cook it yourself
 -- Traditional Chinese Proverb
%%
If you want her to show emotion, cut up her credit cards.
%%
If you want it done right, don't write it for Windows.
%%
If you want it done right, forget about Microsoft.
%%
If you want it, press [esc] now!
%%
If you want me, you can find me, left of center, off of the strip.
 -- Suzanne Vega
%%
If you want my advice, pay me!
%%
If you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself.
%%
If you want something done, ask a busy person.
%%
   If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before
you start.
 -- Edmund Blackadder
 -- Dish and Dishonesty
%%
If you wants to get elected president, you've got to think
up some memorable homily so's school kids can be pestered
into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.
 -- Walt Kelly, The Pogo Party
%%
If you want the best seat in the house, move a cat.
%%
If you want the best things to happen in corporate life you have to
find ways to be hospitable to the unusual person.  You don't get
innovation as a democratic process.  You almost get it as an
anti-democratic process.  Certainly you get it as an antithetical
process, so you have to have an environment where the body of people are
really amenable to change and can deal with the conflicts that arise out
of change an innovation.
 -- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc.,
 -- Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity,
 -- The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%%
If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
%%
If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.
 -- Pietro Aretino
%%
If you want to avoid problems, never become good friends with an animal,
 since it lasts but a short while. On the other hand, never become friends
 with men, they last too long!
%%
If you want to be a Raelet, you gotta let Ray.
%%
If you want to be a writer--stop talking about it and sit down and write!
 -- Jackie Collins
%%
If you want to become a millionaire, found a religion.
 -- L. Ron Hubbard
%%
If you want to be forgiven, forgive.
%%
If you want to be free, there is but one way; it is to guarantee an
equally full measure of liberty to all your neighbors.  There is no
other.
 -- Carl Schurz (1829-1906)
%%
If you want to be happy, be.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
If you want to be popular, ask a lot of people for advice. If you want to
 be wise, ignore the advice.
%%
If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor
 pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger
 that!" real loud.  Then lean back and sort of smirk.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith
%%
If you want to cheer up, cheer up someone.
%%
If you want to clear your system out, sit on a piece of cheese and swallow
 a mouse.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
If you want to commit suicide you can use my razor; it's electric, but you
can hang yourself with the cord.
%%
If you want to cure a compulsive gambler, give him the Atlanta Falcons and
 four points.
 -- Paul Lynde
%%
If you want to do it, do it!
 -- Francesco Scavullo (from his father)
%%
If you want to eat hippopotamus, you've got to pay the freight.
 -- attributed to an IBM guy, about why IBM software uses so much memory
%%
If you want to feel great, you must eat something real big.
%%
If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money
can't buy.
%%
If you want to get along, go along.
 -- Sam Rayburn
%%
If you want to get high on pot, stand on a toilet.
%%
If you want to get rid of stinking odors in the kitchen, stop cooking.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
If you want to get something DONE, stay out of universities.
 -- John Hammond in Jurassic Park (The Book), page 125
%%
If you want to get the plain truth,
Be not concerned with right and wrong.
The conflict between right and wrong
Is the sickness of the mind.
 -- Seng-Ts'an
%%
If you want to go somewhere, goto is the best way to get there.
 -- Ken Thompson
%%
If you want to have a long life, you must give up all those things that
 would make a long life interesting and fun.
%%
If you want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, be an
 audience.
 -- Tallulah Bankhead
%%
If you want to hide your face, walk naked.
%%
If you want to hit, use a dagger.
%%
"If you want to keep the beer real cold,
put it next to my ex-wife's heart"
 -- Stupid country song titles #11
%%
If you want to kill any idea in the world today, get a committee working on it.
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
If you want to know about paranoids, follow them around.
%%
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
%%
If you want to know how old a woman is, ask her sister-in-law.
%%
If you want to know what a man is really like,
take notice how he acts when he looses money.
 -- New England proverb
%%
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people
he gave it to.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
If you want to know what government medicine would be
like, ask someone in a VA hospital.
%%
If you want to know what happens to you when you die, go look at some dead
 stuff.
 -- Dave Enyeart
%%
If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence.
%%
If you want to know your true opinion of someone, watch the effect
produced in you by the first sight of a letter from him.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer
%%
If you want to live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse,
IT'S TOO LATE!
%%
If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favor.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.
 -- Charles L. Geanangel
%%
If you want to make a song more hummy, add a few tiddely poms.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
 -- Woodrow Wilson.
%%
If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.
 -- Al Bernstein
%%
If you want to rob a shop, train your dog.
%%
If you want to run and play, Come along the BEAM today.
%%
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of
 one, go ahead, get married.
 -- Katharine Hepburn
%%
If you want to solve a problem, draw a diagram.
If you still can't solve it, make the diagram bigger.
 -- Stevan's Rule
%%
If you want to stay young-looking, pick your parents very carefully.
 -- Dick Clark
%%
If you want to succeed, you'd better look as if you mean business.
 -- Jeanne Holm
%%
If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit
things with a stick, hit things with a stick. But there's no excuse
for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so
much a sport as an insult to lawns.
 -- National Lampoon
%%
If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying
about one year ago today.
 -- Rotarian
%%
If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
Constitution.  It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
statecraft.  Instead, read selected portions of the Washington
telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with
titles beginning with the word National.
 -- George Will
%%
If you want to walk the streets safely at night,
carry a projector and the slides from your last holiday.
%%
If you want to win anything--a race, your self, your life--you have to go a
 little berserk.
 -- George Sheehan
%%
:If you want X, you know where to find it.: There is a legend that
   Dennis Ritchie, inventor of {C}, once responded to demands for
   features resembling those of what at the time was a much more
   popular language by observing "If you want PL/I, you know where to
   find it."  Ever since, this has been hackish standard form for
   fending off requests to alter a new design to mimic some older
   (and, by implication, inferior and {baroque}) one.  The case X =
   {Pascal} manifests semi-regularly on USENET's comp.lang.c
   newsgroup.  Indeed, the case X = X has been reported in
   discussions of graphics software (see {X}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
If you want your boomerang to come back, throw it first!
%%
If you want your marriage to sizzle
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up!
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
If you want your name spelled wrong, die.
 -- Al Blanchard
%%
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
 word you say, talk in your sleep.
%%
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work
 at it, it's golf.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while?  Come on,
 we're not going to hurt it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you went Chopin, did you take your Liszt?
%%
If you were a gay illegal-alien looking for an abortion, it was a
humdinger of a week.
 -- Kirk Fordice
 -- As governer of Mississippi, 1/29/93
%%
If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the
 gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you were a mushroom, why would people always be inviting you to parties?
Because you'd be a real fun gi.
%%
If you were an Armadillo, you'd worship trees, too!
%%
If you were any more perfect, Data, I'd have to write you up in a
  Starfleet medical textbook.
I am already listed in several bio-mechanical texts doctor.
Yes...Of course.
 -- Dr. Crusher and Data. "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really
 make you mad?  Treasure chests with no handles.  How the hell are you supposed
 to carry it?!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors
came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a
good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
If you were as innocent as you pretend to be, we'd never get anywhere.
 -- Sam Spade
%%
"If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop."
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
If you were everyone but one person I would listen to everyone else.
%%
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
If you were my husband, I would feed you poison.

If you were my wife, madam, I would take it!
 -- Lady Astor and William Churchill
%%
If you weren't my teacher, I'd think you just deleted all my files.
 -- an anonymous UCB CS student, to an instructor who had typed rm -i * to
       get rid of a file named -f on a Unix system.
%%
If you were to ask me this question, what would my answer be?
%%
If you were to eat a human body, where would you start?
%%
If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without
bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not
too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with
all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival.

There may be even a worse case.  You may have to fight when there is no
hope of victory, because it is better to perish than live as slaves.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
If you wish me to weep, you yourself must feel grief.
 -- Horace (65-8 BC)
 -- Ars Poetica, 102
%%
If you wish peace, work for justice.
 -- Pope Paul VI
%%
If you wish to be a success in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing.
 -- Napoleon
%%
If you wish to drown, do not torture yourself with shallow water.
%%
If you wish to know more, press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL].
%%
If you wish to know what a man is - give him skates, a stick, & a puck.
%%
                     If you wish to know
                     Why there are disasters
                     Of Armies and Weapons in the world
                     Listen to the piteous cries
                     From the slaughterhouse at midnight
 -- Old Chinese Saying
%%
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
%%
If you wish to make a man your enemy, tell him simply, You are wrong.
This method works every time.
 -- Henry C. Link
%%
If you wish to please people, you must begin by understanding them.
%%
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
%%
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people. Then do the opposite.
%%
If you wish to, you will have a good opportunity to get even.
%%
If you wish your merit to be known, acknowledge that of other people.
 -- Oriental Proverb
%%
If you wish, You will have an opportunity.
%%
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is
probably a joke that gets old real fast.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid an immense
 confusion?
 -- Seng-Ts'an
%%
If you would be a reel seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once
in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
 -- Descartes
%%
If you would be happy when others about you are not, while they count their
 troubles, you should take time out to count your blessings.
%%
If you would be pungent, be brief; for it is with words as with sunbeams.
 The more they are condensed, the deeper they burn.
 -- Robert Southey
%%
If you would be remembered,
do one thing superbly well.
 -- Saunders Norvell
%%
If you would eat well in England, you must eat breakfast three times a day.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
If you would keep your secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat.
%%
If you would know a man, observe how your cat treats him.
%%
If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
If you would live a long life, observe moderation in all things, including
 sobriety.
%%
If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are rotten,
either write things worth reading or do things worth the writing.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
If you would pay attention instead of playing with yourself.
%%
If you would want to know what you would be like if you lost your mind, put
 a tape recorder nearby and have it running when you take your second or
 third drink.
%%
If you write a book entitled "How to Fail" and it doesn't sell, is it a
success? If it sells is it a failure?
%%
If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're
 Shakespeare?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
 -- Gotama Buddha
%%
I gamble on a third time, a fool'll tell you it's a charm.
%%
I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The
first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about
the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies
died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister.
That is a political statistic.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
I gave all my forms to Sudhir.
Then he came back and yelled in my ear,
"Nothing went through,
and its all cause of you,
if you get it right once, I will cheer!"
%%
I gave her the ring; she gave me the finger.
%%
I gave it up until Lent.
%%
I gave my cat a bath the other day ... they love it. He sat there, he
 enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other
 than that ...
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I gave my life to learning how to live. Now that I have organized
it all it's just about over.
 -- Sandra Hochman
%%
I gave to Dr. Kavorkian's Free Clinic in Baghdad.
%%
I gave up ASCII for Lent.
%%
I gave up believing in God for Lent.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I gave up on my wife, and married my computer.
%%
I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex.  It was the most *horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
%%
I geek, therefore, I am.
%%
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
 -- Mae West
%%
"I get all these stories mixed up, the Headlines
come so fast... the money, the money that the Rev.
Jim Bakker allegedly gave to that church secretary:
I want to know how much of that money went to the
Contras in Nicaragua and I want to know NOW!"
 -- Mark Russell
%%
I get broads come in here, they sit in front of me and they stare at me.
 Everything I do, they stare at me. Then they walk out saying, "She's so
 dirty!" They're so refined, how come they understand what I'm saying?
 -- Pearl Williams
%%
I get email therefore I am!
%%
I get mail, therefore I exist.
%%
I get my castles the old-fashioned way.  I conquer them.
%%
I get my monkeys for nothing and my chimps for free.
%%
I get no kick from champagne...
 -- Cole Porter
%%
I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who
exercise.
 -- Red Skelton
%%
I get the news I need on the weather report.
%%
I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went.
But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
And think of the places my get-up has been.
 -- Pete Seeger
%%
I getz Buzy, I getz Buzy oh yeah...
%%
IGI: Increment Grade Immediate
%%
IG: Insert Garbage
%%
I gin to be aweary of the sun.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
IGIT: Increment Grade Immediate Twice
%%
I give advice worth the price....free!
%%
I give away Truth, why buy a liberal Democratic lie?
%%
I give good back.
%%
I give it 95 for the beat and 98 for the lyrics...
%%
I give myself sometimes admirable advice,
but I am incapable of taking it.
 -- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
%%
I give presents to the father, but I think of the son.
%%
I give thee all,--I can no more,
Though poor the off'ring be;
My heart and lute are all the store
That I can bring to thee.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- My Heart and Lute
%%
I give thee sixpence! I will see thee damned first.
 -- George Canning (1770-1827)
 -- The Friend of Humanity and the Knife-Grinder
%%
I give the fight up: let there be an end,
A privacy, an obscure nook for me.
I want to be forgotten even by God.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Paracelsus, Part v
%%
I give up then.  If Mozart can't justify our continued existence, nothing can.
 -- Max, a man in love with the minutae and beauty of life, from ZOT!
%%
I give up, what is the meaning of life?
%%
I give you bitter pills in sugar coating.
The pills are harmless: the poison is in the sugar.
 -- Stanislaw Lec
%%
I give you the 15 <SMASH<. . . 10 Commandments
%%
igloo: (british) latrine for igs.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Igloo [n], Material used to keep an ig from falling apart.
%%
Ignisecond, n.:
       The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car
door even as the brain is saying, my keys are in there!
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
IGNORAMUS, n.  A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge
familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know
nothing about.

    Dumble was an ignoramus,
    Mumble was for learning famous.
    Mumble said one day to Dumble:
    "Ignorance should be more humble.
    Not a spark have you of knowledge
    That was got in any college."
    Dumble said to Mumble:  "Truly
    You're self-satisfied unduly.
    Of things in college I'm denied
    A knowledge -- you of all beside."
                                                               Borelli
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ignoramus: Someone who doesn't know what any idiot can tell you without
 even so much as a thought, which you learned yesterday, after six tutorial
 lessons.
%%
Ignorance always allows that from it a crop of fear may be reaped easily.
%%
Ignorance and superstition ever bear a close mathematical relation to each
other.
%%
Ignorance can be cured.  Stupid is forever.
%%
Ignorance is a *fault*, not an excuse.
%%
Ignorance is a voluntary misfortune
 -- Nicholas Ling
%%
Ignorance is bliss, but it will NEVER replace sex.
%%
Ignorance is bliss
 -- RDT student after a physics lecture on Electricity & Magnetism
%%
Ignorance is bliss... so life's great if you are ignorant.
%%
Ignorance is king, many would not prosper by its abdication.
 -- A Canticle for Leibowitz
%%
Ignorance is never out of style.  It was in fashion yesterday,
it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.
 -- Franklin K. Dane
%%
Ignorance is no excuse.
%%
Ignorance is not always Bliss!
%%
Ignorance is NOT bliss; fortunately sometimes I get paid for it.
%%
Ignorance is not bliss -- it's oblivion.
 -- Phillip Wylie
%%
Ignorance isn't bliss when it comes to your tax dollars.
%%
Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who
believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia
%%
Ignorance is Strength - Big Sister is Watching You!
%%
Ignorance is temporary. Stupidity lasts forever!!!
%%
Ignorance is the ally of deception.
%%
Ignorance is the mother of Adventure.
 -- Hagar the Horrible
%%
Ignorance is the opiate of the poor, a cordial, administered by the
gracious hand of providence.
%%
Ignorance is the soil in which belief in miracles grows.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
Ignorance is where learning begins...
%%
Ignorance kills daily.
%%
Ignorance leads to Indulgence.
%%
Ignorance of one's ignorance is the greatest ignorance.
%%
Ignorance of the law excuses no man; not that all men know the law,
but because 't is an excuse every man will plead, and no man can tell
how to refute him.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Law
%%
Ignorance of the law is no defense, and since
they'll never tell you what the law is, you're defenseless.
Every business must pay protection money to lawyers.
 -- Nicholas von Hoffman
%%
Ignorance plays the chief part among men, and the multitude of words;
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Cleobulus, iv
%%
Ignorance SHOULD be painful !
%%
Ignorance simplifies ANY problem.
 -- R. Lucke
%%
Ignorance transcends architecture.
 -- James Gaskin
%%
Ignorance: When you don't know something and somebody finds it out.
 -- Jethro Burns
%%
Ignore alien orders.
%%
Ignore any lines above this one - we are having problems with our mailer.
%%
Ignore it.  Maybe it'll go away.
%%
Ignore me... I'm just here for my looks!
%%
I)gnore, R)eboot, or C)all Laura Palmer
%%
(I)gnore (R)etry (A)bort (M)eltdown
%%
Ignore the last few lines, the writer's a musician!
%%
Ignore the man behind the screen.
%%
Ignore the message: 'ld warning: file /tmp/kernAAAa06386 has no relocation
information' if it appears.
%%
Ignore your teeth and they'll go away!
%%
I go back to the top of the stack, and do it again!
 -- Helter Skelter! L&M
%%
I gobbled a dry martini and hurried back through the reed curtain to
the dining room.
The eighty-five cent dinner tasted like a discarded mail-bag and was
served to me by a waiter who looked as if he would slug me for a
quarter, cut my throat for six bits and bury me at sea in a barrel of
comcrete for a dollar and a half plus sales tax.
 -- Raymond Chandler
%%
IGO: Increment Grade Overnight
%%
I golf, therefore I swear
%%
I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
I got a 486DX2/66 for my girlfriend - What a deal!
%%
I got a Braille Playboy and it sure felt good.
%%
I got a calculator and now I can't add without it.  I got a spellchecker
and I can't write without it anymore.  I got a blowdryer and now my
hair won't dry on its own.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
I got a chain letter by fax.  It's very simple.  You just fax a dollar bill to
 everybody on the list.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I got a friend who is not very kind to pets. He has a pet--he rubs its face
 in it, hits it with a belt--and that could kill a parakeet!
 -- Andy Andrews
%%
I got a funny feeling they've got plastic in the after-life.
 -- Beck
%%
I got a garage door opener.  It can't close.  Just open.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I got a job as a short-order cook. I was cooking a chicken on the
 rotisserie, I was turning the wheel and I was singing "Arrivederci, Roma,"
 and a drunk came by and he said, "You got a nice voice but your monkey's on
 fire."
 -- London Lee
%%
I got a job--looking for one. I been out of work so long I forgot what kind
 of work I'm out of.
 -- Robin Harris
%%
I got a Mac-10 for officer Wind,
 Damn his devil ass
 Need to be shipped back to Kansas,
 In a casket, crew-cut faggot,
 Now he ain't nothin' but
 Food for the maggots.....
 -- Ice Cube, We Had to Tear this Mothafucka Up
%%
I got a mind like a steel trap.  It's rusty & illegal in 19 states.
%%
I got a Motie in my eye.
%%
I got an aunt named Minnie. Weighs 264. When she sits on the chair there's
 so much of her there--most of her sits on the floor.
 --  Morey Amsterdam
%%
I got a new phone.  Plugged it in.  Pushed REDIAL.  It freaked out.
%%
I got a new shadow.  I had to get rid of the other one.
It wasn't doing what I was doing.  I tried to DRAW my shadow once,
but I couldn't ... my arm kept moving.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I got an HT for my wife... Good trade!
%%
I got a question for ya.  Ya got a minute?
 -- two programmers passing in the hall
%%
I got arrested for going 14400 in a 2400 zone!
%%
I got arrested the other day... For scalping
 the low numbers at the deli counter.
%%
I got a ticket the other day...I pleaded insanity. The judge asked me why,
 and I asked him, 'would any sane person park in the passing lane?'

 I asked, 'Judge, nice day, isn't it?'

 He said yes. I told him, 'no further questions, your honor'
%%
I got a used gun for my wife, pretty good trade , huh ?
%%
I got a wonderful tribute at the airport. They fired twenty-one shots in
 the air in my honor. Course, it would've been nicer if they'd waited for
 the plane to land ... On champagne flights, some stewardesses serve too
 much. Once I got on as a passenger and got off as luggage.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
I got bread and butter, I got toast and jam ...
%%
I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. It's either very new cheese or
 very old meat.
 -- Neil Simon (The Odd Couple)
%%
I got everybody to pay up front...then I blew up their planet.
    Now why didn't I think of that?
 -- Post Bros. Comics
%%
I got everything but the part after "Now listen closely".
%%
I got fired from my job as an M&M proof reader, I kept eating the W&W.
%%
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'm gonna use it.
 -- Stephen Wright
%%
i got gum .. I GOT LICORICE .. i got chocolate .. I GOT AN APPLE
...... i got a rock
%%
I got hit by a Volkswagen--and had to go to the hospital to have it
 removed.
 -- Pat McCormick
%%
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop
 the floor with your face."  I said, "You'll be sorry."  He said, "Oh, yeah?
 Why?"  I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
[I got into law school] through an experimental Indiana University program
intended to offer 'equal opportunity' to minorities, the economically
disadvantaged and other students of different viewpoints and backgrounds.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I got lost in the time vortex.   The TARDIS brought me home.
 -- Doctor (Pertwee), PLANET OF THE SPIDERS
%%
I got mercury poisoning, it's fatal & it don't get better...
%%
I got my brain on hype.
 Tonight'll be your night.
 I got this long-assed knife,
 And your neck looks just right.
 -- Body Count "Cop Killer"
%%
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose.  Now when
I get pulled over, the cop looks at it, moves it nearer and farther,
trying to see it clearly, and says, 'Here, you can go.'
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I got my line noise cheaper through Optus!
%%
I got my mojo wholesale.
%%
I got no prob with "Bob"
%%
I got out of bed for *this*?
%%
I go to work to catch up on my sleep....
%%
I got real close to seeing Elvis, but then my shovel broke.
%%
I got so excited, I couldn't hold my oil!
%%
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
I got somthin' to say - It's better to burn out than to fade away.....
 -- Def Leppard
%%
I gotta go - I'm expecting another call from you any minute.
 -- SLR
%%
I gotta me a lobotomy.
%%
...I got the blackbelt, you got the gun
let's team up tonight, and have some fun...
%%
I got the feeling my baby don't live here no more.
 -- Hendrix.
%%
I got this computer for my wife... WHAT A TRADE!
%%
I got through a number of things in the area of defense, like showing the
importance of cruise missiles and getting them more accurate so that we can
have precise precision.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle referring to his legislative accomplishments.
 -- (reported in The NY Times 8/26/88)
%%
I got up early today so as to have even more time to enjoy myself.
%%
I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information.  She
 said, "Hello, Information."  I said, "I can't find my socks."  She said,
 They're behind the couch."  And they were!
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I got you in a stranglehold,baby,then I crushed your face.
%%
I graduwated from a publik skool!
%%
I grew up Catholic.  Then I grew up.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I grew up on a big farm. Last time I was home visiting my folks I delivered
 a calf. I tell ya, I feel so much thinner now.
 -- Henriette Mantel
%%
I grew up on Mt. Everest and everything's been downhill since.
%%
I grow daily to honor facts more and more, and theory less and less.
A fact, it seems to me, is a great thing - a sentence printed, if
not by God, then at least by the Devil.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
 -- Letter to R. W. Emmerson (April 29, 1836)
%%
I guess a cynic smells different.
%%
I guess I began to doubt the existence of God after I had been married
 about three years.
 -- Brian Savage
%%
I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I
ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire.  No, I didn't.  Just
kidding.  I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions,
which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill
someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity,
as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I guess it was all a DREAM..  or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other.
 I myself have been guilty of this.  When I was a teen-ager, I stole a car and
 drove it out into the desert and set it on fire.  When the police showed up, I
 just shrugged and said, "Hey, progress."  Boy, did I have a lot to learn.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best.  We called him Uncle
 Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us.
 Later on we found out he was a bear.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I guess test-flying F-20 Tigersharks at Mach 3 all
day has rattled my good manners...
 -- Bloom County
%%
I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me
 to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
"I guess the joke's on me," she said.
%%
I guess the rule is, if something's too good to be true, then it's
 probably too good to be true.
 -- Marshall, The ATM Machine, Eerie Indiana
%%
I guess we all know who's the real wizard under the sheets.
 -- David Duke, referring to Bill Clinton and Gennifer
  Flowers
%%
I guess we were all guilty, in a way.  We all shot him, we all skinned him, and
 we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I guess you just have to design carefully when you get near the edge.
 -- Hugh LaMaster (lamaster@ames.arc.nasa.gov)
%%
I guess you'll have to ask the details to the management, I am here.
The Governor and I are announcing this today. It was just signed off on
by the Secretary of Defense as something that we have been monitoring,
and the Governor obviously has been very involved in this. And we're
making this announcement today.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a factory near Detroit
                  in August, 1992, showing just how familiar he was
                  with the details of a $300 million plan to upgrade the
                  Army's M-1 tanks.  (reported in the NY Times 10/7/92)
%%
I guess you say that about most things in life; it isn't so bad as
long as you can keep the fear from your mind.
 -- Dale Cooper (Twin Peaks)
%%
I hacked mainframes before there were pc's!
%%
I had a big New Year's Eve--they tell me. But New Year's Eve is a lot of
 fun. We had a big New Year's Eve party. We didn't like our furniture
 anyway. It was eighteenth-century Provincial. Now it's twentieth-century
 splinters. I invited Les Brown and the band over. We don't like our
 neighbors either. I invited the brass section too. We don't even like
 ourselves.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
I had a boyfriend like that once...
%%
I had a brand-new Mercury. I loaned it to my brother last week. I said,
 "Treat it as if it was your own." He sold it.
 -- Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)
%%
I had absolutely no knowledge of any corruption in the Queensland
Police Force.
 -- Ex Qld Police Commissioner, Sir Terrence Lewis, 3/7/89
%%
I had a cat once - tasted like chicken.
%%
I had a dislocated funny bone, <*OUCH*> but it's better now.
%%
I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back...boy, were they mad!
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I had a dream which was not all a dream.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Darkness
%%
I had a friend who was a clown.  When he died, all his friends went to the
 funeral in one car.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I had a general anesthetic. That's so weird. You go to sleep in one room,
 then you wake up four hours later in a totally different room. Just like
 college.
 -- Ross Shafer
%%
I had a girlfriend like that once...
%%
I had a great time.  It was like the Nuremburg Trials.
 -- Woody Allen, Hannah and her Sisters
%%
I had a handle on life ... then it fell off!
%%
I had a hat. It was not all a hat,--
Part of the brim was gone:
Yet still I wore it on.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- Rhine Song of the German Soldiers after Victory
%%
I had a hunch something like this would happen.
 -- Written on grave
%%
I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I had a life once, but now I have a kid.
%%
I had a life once... but now I have a modem.
%%
I Had A Life Once, Now I Have A Computer.
%%
I had amnesia once or twice.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
I had a normal childhood, but I overcame it.
%%
I had another bad hair day today. The government was in it.
%%
I had an unusual case of crabs. Most people get that from someone else who
 has it already. I got it directly from a crabmeat cocktail.
 -- Ed Bluestone
%%
I had a regular battle with the dunghill-cock.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Aulularia, Act iii, Sc. 4, 13, (472.)
%%
I had a soul above buttons.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- Sylvester Daggerwood, or New Hay at the Old Market, Sc. 1
%%
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed
 teachers.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I had a thought, and I lost it.. nothing new.
%%
I had a thought once, but it died of lonliness.
%%
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in
 nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.
 -- Don Adams
%%
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I had been learning to drive with power steering, I turned the wheel to
 what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going
 in the opposite direction.
%%
I had fried mozzarella cheese. Deep-fried cheese. Oh, there's a
 cardiovascular dream come true. The cheese doesn't have enough fat--let's
 give it a cholesterol Jacuzzi! '
 -- Rick Corso
%%
I had fried octopus last night.  You have to be really quiet when you eat it.
 Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I had injured my hamstring playing football and was having difficulty
sitting, he said to me
  "What's the matter - have hormones?"
%%
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology...the study of milkmen.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I had most need of blessing, and "Amen"
Stuck in my throat.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
I had my car's alignment checked.  It's chaotic evil!
%%
I had my coathangers spayed.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I had my head examined.  They didn't find *anything*!
%%
I had no desire to be involved in the music business, but I saw that Jerry
 Brandt, who was the head of the music department at William Morris, had a
 limousine, and he was hanging out with Mick Jagger. I asked him, "Jerry,
 how do you get a limo?" He said, "Schmuck, you're twenty-four years old. Do
 you think Norman Jewison is going to sign with you? Does Irene Dunne want
 you to be her agent? You better get into the music business with people
 your own age." I thought that was the best advice I'd ever heard, and
 that's how I got into the music business.
 -- David Geffen
%%
I had not time to lick it into form, as a bear doth her young ones.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
I had pancake makeup for brunch!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library.
 When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
I had rather be a dog, and bay the moon,
Than such a Roman.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
I had rather be a kitten and cry mew
Than one of these same metre ballad-mongers.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I had rather believe all the fables in the legends and the Talmud
and the Alcoran, than that this universal frame is without a mind.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Atheism
%%
I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I had some morals, but I gave them away.
 -- Liberal motto
%%
I had some morals, luckily, I got my money back.
%%
I had some morals; sold them for money.
 -- Republican Motto
%%
I had the chance to go to London a couple of months back. Had kind of a
 weird flight over there, though, 'cause one of the flight attendants got
 very angry with me. I didn't eat all of my dinner. She said, "Sir, you
 really shouldn't waste all that food. There are people starving on
 Air-India."
 -- Tim Kavanagh
%%
I had the worst study habits ... the lowest grades ... then I found out
 what I was doing wrong. I had been highlighting with a black Magic Marker.
 -- Jeff Altman
%%
I had this Geography teacher Miss Foster, she took us on a school
summer camp trip to the Ganwee.  I had the tent next to her, right.
And in the middle of the night I was woken up by this really weird
noise.  She didn't think men were better than machines.
 -- Lister in Red Dwarf 'Queeg'
%%
I had time to read mail before I wrote a mail reader...
%%
I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!
 -- Mary Lou Bax
%%
I had to face my fear.   That was more important than just going
on living.
 -- Jon Pertwee's Doctor, PLANET OF THE SPIDERS
%%
I had to go on two diets.  One didn't give me enough food.
 -- Barry Marder
%%
I had to go to analysis. They told me I had an unresolved Oedipus complex,
 which, according to them, meant I want to sleep with my mother. Which is
 preposterous. My father doesn't even want to sleep with my mother.
 -- Dennis Wolfberg
%%
I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
%%
I had to move to New York for health reasons. I'm extremely paranoid and
 New York is the only place my fears are justified.
 -- Anita Wise
%%
I had too much to dream last night.
 -- Electric Prunes
%%
I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I had to take Dramamine just to keep eye contact with her.
 -- John Riggi
%%
"I had to work fast.  If that writer guy wouldn't change the script,
 I'd have to do it myself."
 -- Marshall, "Reality Takes a Holiday", Eerie Indiana
%%
"I had two heart attacks before I bought this exercise bicycle."
"And since then?"
"I've had two more."
 -- Woody Allen, "Stardust Memories"
%%
I had written to Aunt Maud, who was on a trip abroad.
 When I heard she'd died of cramp, just too late to save the stamp.
 -- Harry Graham
%%
I hang around where the grass is greener...
%%
I happen to be a Republican president...aah... vice president.
 -- American Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I happen to be a Republican president- ah, the vice president.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle (Newsweek 4/9/90)
%%
I hardly know so true a mark of a little mind as the servile imitation
of another.
 -- Greville
%%
I HATE arbitrary limits, especially when they're small.
 -- Stephen Savitzky
%%
I hate blind dates, but a friend says he could set me up, so I said,
 "Okay." But you should have seen this girl. It was like she hadn't taken a
 bath in a month. She was so dirty that somebody had written "wash me"
 across her forehead.
 -- Bob Zany
%%
I hate Bloody taglines
%%
I hate California. The trouble out here is that people you go out to eat
 with make you feel like scum. By eating healthy food! I usually order
 something New Yorky. Like "Give me a bacon cheeseburger and a plate of
 cigarettes." Then the guy with me goes, "Oh, I'll just have a Perrier and a
 motivational cassette."
 -- Richard Jeni
%%
I hate corporations.
%%
I hate discount stores. They're all deceptive. The way they advertise is
 misleading. I spotted a sign, three o'clock in the morning. This is what
 the sign said: "Stereo system, three-speaker, stereophonic record player,
 hi-fi tape recorder, $17, first come first served."

 Now, I spotted that sign at three o'clock in the morning--so I parked the
 car right in front of the store all night. The doors open at 10 a.m. I'm
 the first one in the store. I said, "Let me have that thing for seventeen
 dollars." The guy says, "We sold it." I said, "To who?" He said, "To the
 night watchman."
 -- Bob Melvin
%%
I HATE DOOM, DOOM II IS AN OPTION BUT!!
%%
I hated PKZIP 2.04c before you did.
%%
I hated Rush Limbaugh -- until I got my lobotomy.
%%
I hate emergency vehicles.  All the names are backwards.
%%
I Hate Fighting: Boris Hell
%%
I hate flashbacks!  I hate flashbacks!  I hate flashbacks!  I hate...
%%
I hate hexa taglines!
%%
I **HATE** Illinois Nazis!
 -- Elwood Blues
%%
 I hate Illinois nazis.

 We did have a band pow'rfull 'nuff to turn goat piss into gasoline.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's
 going to be up all night.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I hate it when people call me paranoid. It makes me feel persecuted.
%%
I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does,
 because it could hurt his feelings.  So instead, I call it a "speech
 improvement", and I go up to the guy and say, "Hey, Bob, I like your speech
 improvement."  I think this makes him feel better.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
"I hate it when them foreigners can't speak English good."
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I hate laundry month.
%%
I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't
 interest me.
 -- Chris Rapier
%%
>I hate "me too" postings.
Me too.
 -- Steve Lamont writes
 -- Charleen Stoner, charleen@ADS.COM
%%
I hate Microsoft. Bill Gates is the Great Satan.  IMHO.
%%
I Hate Monday Mornings: Gaetan Oop
%%
I hate my modem.
%%
I hate myself to sleep at night.
%%
I hate nobody: I am in charity with the world.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
I hate paranoid people, they're everywhere!
%%
I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs -- like customs officials.
%%
I hate prejudiced people.
%%
I hate self-referencing tag lines, like this one...
%%
I hate sendmail.
%%
I hate sheep!
 -- A True Kiwi!
%%
I _hate_ shrinkwrap!
%%
I hate singles bars. Guys come up to me and say, "Hey, cupcake, can I buy
 you a drink?" I say, "No, but I'll take the three bucks."
 -- Margaret Smith
%%
I hate skinny women, especially when they say things like "Sometimes I
 forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten my mother's maiden name, and my keys,
 but you've got to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
 -- Marsha Warfield
%%
"I hate snakes!  I hate 'em!!"
"C'mon!  Show a little backbone, will ya?"
 -- Raiders of the Lost Ark
%%
I HATE Solaris 2.  I hate SOLARIS 2. _I_ hate Solaris 2.  I hate Solaris _2_.
 15 years of finger macros to unlearn.
%%
"I hate Solar Power" by Gladys Knight
%%
I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop
eating peanuts.
 -- Orson Welles
%%
I hate that aesthetic game of the eye and the mind, played by these
connoisseurs, these mandarins who "appreciate" beauty. What is beauty,
anyway? There's no such thing. I never "appreciate," any more than
I "like." I love or I hate.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quoted in Francoise Gilot and Carlton Lake, Life with Picasso,
pt. 6 (1964)
%%
I hate the day, because it lendeth light
To see all things, but not my love to see.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- Daphnaida, v, 407
%%
I hate the idea of causes, and if I had to choose between betraying my
country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to
betray my country.
 -- E. M. Forster, Two Cheers for Democracy
%%
"I hate the itching.  But I don't mind the swelling."
 -- new buzz phrase, like "Where's the Beef?"
 -- that David Letterman's trying to get everyone to start saying
%%
I hate the outdoors.  To me the outdoors is where the car is.
 -- Will Durst
%%
I hate these `[0;1;5;34;44mBLINKING`[0m taglines!!
%%
I hate the subway. And these guys begging for spare change. They come
 around with their hand out yelling, "Spare a quarter!" They say they can't
 work, so they go, "Spare a quarter, spare a quarter." I've got the
 solution: Make 'em tollbooth clerks.
 -- Ron Smith
%%
I hate this eternal revenue tax!  uh... that's INTERNAL revenue tax...
%%
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,
but they've always worked for me.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
I hate to agree with Tim Maroney on anything, but I guess this latest is
 an example of the fact that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
 -- Lee Lady, lady@uhccux.UUCP
%%
I hate to be indiscreet, but who's the father?!
 -- Riker to Troi, "The Child", stardate 42073.1
%%
I hate to blow my own horn, but 'Beep Beep.'
%%
I hate to mention things like this in this feature, but it is one of the
 more pressing problems in America today, and that is the lack of
 tap-dancers in the Miss America contest.
%%
I hate to spread rumors, but what else can one do with them?
 -- Amanda Lear
%%
I hate to think about the past.  It just brings back so many memories!
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I hate Victor Hugo, said Les miserably.
%%
I hate women because they always know where things are.
 -- James Thurber
%%
I hate you. Where's a tree? let's all go and hang Barney!
%%
I hate you, You hate me, I will kill your family.
 -- Barney of Borg
%%
I hate you, you hate me.  Let's all go and kill Barney!
%%
I hate you, you hate me, we're a disfunctional family...
%%
I have 100 GB of software, All on 360K floppies!
%%
I have .25 Clusters per Sector.
%%
I have a 14400 bps modem and 1.8 bps fingers.
%%
I have a black belt in haiku.
%%
I have accepted Provolone into my life!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have a chocolate chip in MY computer.
%%
I have a condom, can I get a third degree?
%%
I have a congenital aversion to failure.
%%
I have a crank to start my car. She drives me to work,too.
%%
I have a cunning plan
 -- Baldric from BlackAdder (I - IV)
%%
I have a cunning plan, sir.
Hoorah! Well, that's that, then.
 -- Baldrick and George : Ink and Incapability
%%
I have a cunning plan to get us out of being killed, sir.
Oh yes? What is it?
Cooking...
I see. (moves off)
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in
 California, but it's one more letter she'd have to remember.
 -- Shecky Greene
%%
I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.
%%
I have a dirty mind, I mud wrestle with my conscience.
%%
I have a discussion topic I'd like to throw on the floor.
%%
I have a dream...  DIR C:>

....
   "99,934,843,928,281 Bytes Free"
%%
I have a dream that my four little children
 will one day live in a nation
 where they will not be judged
 by the color of their skin,
 but byt the content of their character.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
I have a drink problem, I can't afford it.
%%
I have a feeling that at any time about three million Americans can
be had for any militant reaction against law, decency, the Constitution,
the Supreme Court, compassion and the rule of reason.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
I have a few good reasons for drinking
And one has just entered my head
If a man can't drink when he's living
How the hell can he drink when he's dead?
%%
I have a fine sense of ridiculous, but no sense of humor.
 -- Edward Albee
%%
I have a firm grip on reality--by the throat.
%%
I have a friend named Dennis. Both his parents are midgets, but not Dennis.
 He's a midget dwarf... He's the guy who poses for trophies.
%%
I have a friend who is so stupid that he tried to enter the
1-900-SPELLIT contest, but he kept getting the wrong number.
%%
I have a friend who just got back from the Soviet Union, and told me the people
 there are hungry for information about the West.   He was asked about many
 things, but I will give you two examples that are very revealing about life in
 the Soviet Union.  The first question he was asked was if we had exploding
 television sets.  You see, they have a problem with the picture tubes on color
 television sets, and many are exploding.  They assumed we must be having
 problems with them too.  The other question he was asked often was why the
 CIA had killed Samantha Smith, the little girl who visited the Soviet Union a
 few years ago; their propaganda is very effective.
 -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
   Defense Electronics, Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 100
%%
I have a friend who's a billionaire.  He invented Cliff notes.  When I
asked him how he got such a great idea, he said, 'Well first I.....I just....
to make a long story short...'
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I have a funny daddy
Who goes in and out with me
And everything that baby does
Daddy's sure to see,
And everything that baby says,
My daddy's sure to tell.
You must have read my daddy's verse.
I hope he fries in Hell.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by day-light.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must
 eat it with naked fat people.
 -- Ed Bluestone
%%
I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination.
 Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me.
 -- Jimi Celeste
%%
I have a great memory...it's just a little short.
%%
I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.
%%
I have a hobby.  I have the world's largest collection of sea shells.
I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world.  Maybe you've seen
some of it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I have a kind of alacrity in sinking.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
I have a life outside the FIDOnet.
 -- FIDO lie  #II
%%
I have a list, they will never be missed ...
%%
I have all the information I need for my report, your prisoner has been
  returned to you, and you have a decision to make. Whether to try and
  force them back or welcome them home. In your own words, this is not
  our affair. We cannot interfere in the natural course of your society's
  development. And I'd say its going to develop significantly in the next
  few minutes.
 -- Picard to Nayrok, "The Hunted", stardate 43489.2
%%
I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to
sacrifice my wife's brother.
 -- Artemus Ward
%%
I have already not made that point.
%%
I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.
%%
I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
I have always believed that success would be the inevitable result
if the two services, the army and the navy, had fair play, and if
we sent the right man to fill the right place.
 -- Austen H. Layard (1817-1894)
 -- Speech in Parliament, Jan. 15, 1855
%%
I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.
 -- Jorge Luis Borges
%%
I have always taken the tips of my fingers for the beginning of her hair
 -- Edmond Jabes
%%
I have always thought in the back of my mind, cheese and onions.
 -- The Rutles
%%
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters
of their thoughts.
 -- John Locke
%%
I have always wondered way they always refer to toilet paper as facial
 quality.  I am not going to use it on my face, (although there are
 some who think I do anyway!).
%%
I have a magnetic personality - keep me away from diskettes.
%%
I have a map of the United States...actual size.  It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1
 mile."  I spent last summer folding it.  I also have a full-size map of the
 world.  I hardly ever unroll it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I have a message from Baron von Richtoffen, the greatest living
  German.
Which considering his competition consists entirely of very fat
  men in leather shorts belching to the tune of 'She'll be Coming
  Round the Mountain', is no great achievement.
 -- German and Edmund : Private Plane
%%
I have a microwave fireplace in my house...The other night I laid down in front
 of the fire for the evening in two minutes.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I have a mind like a steel trap; whatever goes in gets
crushed and mangled!
%%
I have an ANSI.SYS, and an ANSI.BRO as well
%%
I have an answering machine in my car.  It says, "I'm home now.  But leave a
 message and I'll call when I'm out."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
%%
"I have an Aunt in Long Island whos crazier than she is.
She's president of the P.T.A."
 -- Nuts
%%
"I have an awesome sex drive--problem is, I can't get out of park!"
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I have a newspaper clipping at home where a guy breaks into the home
of a bedridden, invalid old lady.  She is powerless to resist him, but
when he comes into her bedroom he becomes intrigued by the cluster of
medicine bottles on her bedside table.  He then starts sampling at
random, eventually becomes sleepy, lays down on the floor at the foot
of the woman's bed and still asleep when the cops show up.
%%
I have a new strategy, Artoo.  Let the Wookie win.
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
I have an existential map.  It has 'You are here' written all over it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I have an exposition of sleep come upon me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I have an interesting structuring of my words way.
%%
I have answered three questions and that is enough --
Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!
%%
I have an understanding with my local police--I have
them outgunned, but they have me outnumbered
%%
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
I have a photogenic memory.
%%
I have a photogenic memory.
          -as opposed to photographic.  When this was first told to me, I
could have sworn he'd said photogenic member, but apparently I misheard.
%%
I have a photographic memory, but I keep forgetting to put the film in.
 Peter Campbell
%%
I have a photographic memory. What's your name again???
%%
I have a photographic mind...it never developed.
%%
I have a really good memory, except it's short.
%%
I have a rock garden.  Last week three of them died.
 -- Richard Diran
%%
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty.    Empty what's full.
  Scratch where it itches.
 -- A. R. Longworth
%%
I have a soul that like an ample shield
Can take in all, and verge enough for more.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Don Sebastian, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I have a speech impediment....my foot!!!
%%
I have a SPONGE that's drier behind the ears than you are!
%%
I have a strange team.
 -- Charlie Brown
%%
I have a stu-stu-stu-stu-stu-stu-stutter!
%%
   I have a suspicion, but it's too horrible to think about.
    Doctor, State of Decay
%%
I have a talent for idleness which is tragically wasted
by my working here
%%
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the 9 to 5 hours.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have a very firm grasp on reality!   I can reach out and strangle it
any time!
%%
I have a very good DENTAL PLAN.  Thank you.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have a very strange feeling about this.
%%
I have a very strong record on the Environment in the United States
Senate.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
..  I have a VISION!  It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have a watch cat! Just break in and she'll watch.
%%
I have bad luck with plants. I bought me a philodendron ... and I put it in
 the kitchen and it drank my soup.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
I have become Death, the Shatterer of Worlds.
%%
I have been asked to put something in here that touches us all. While my
 intentions may be the very best, it is quite unfortunate that I know next
 to nothing about toilet paper.
%%
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance
 in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a
 most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted,
 baked, or boiled, and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a
 fricassee, or a ragout.
 -- Jonathan Swift, "A Modest Proposal"
%%
I have been a stranger in a strange land.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Exodus ii, 22
%%
I have been poor and I have been rich. Rich is better.
 -- Sophie Tucker
%%
I have been there, and still would go;
'T is like a little heaven below.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song xxviii
%%
I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican
 friends...that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we
 will stop telling the truth about them.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxvii, 25
%%
I have bought
Golden opinions from all sorts of people.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 7
%%
I have brought you gifts and dominions beyond your wildest dreams...
...Are you sure? Well, I have some pretty wild dreams, you know. I'm
  not sure what they mean, but the other day there was this enormous
  tree...and I was sitting right on top of it...
(quietly) Ma'am.
...and then I dreamt once that I was a sausage roll...
(quietly) ...Majesty...
 -- Raleigh, Queenie and Melchett : Potato
%%
I have bungee fever and there's only one
cure....BOING....
%%
I have but one claw, but beware! -- Batty
%%
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp
of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past.
 -- Patrick Henry (1736-1799)
 -- Speech in the Virginia Convention, March 1775
%%
I have but three enemies: fear, anger, ignorance.
%%
I have called this principle, by which each slight variation, if useful,
is preserved, by the term Natural Selection.
 -- Charles Darwin (1809-1882)
 -- The Origin of Species, Chap. iii
%%
I have Canary fever..but it's tweetable.
%%
I have charts and graphs that prove I'm right.
%%
I have come here to kick ascii.
%%
I have come to the conclusion that I am not in good enough shape at the
 present time to get in shape for the future right now.
%%
I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace,
 that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress.
 -- John Adams, (1735-1826) in 1776
%%
I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to
be left to the politicians.
 -- Charles DeGaulle
%%
I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show,
which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
 -- Dave Barry, The Wonders of Sharks on TV
%%
I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings xvii, 9
%%
I have considered the pension list of the republic a roll of honor.
 -- Grover Cleveland (1837-1908)
 -- Veto of Dependent Pension Bill, July 5, 1888
%%
I have decided that suicide is completely out of the question.  I
refuse to end the suffering of others... No, I must contemplate homicide
and end the suffering of one... ME!!!
%%
I have decided that we shall stay here.
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being
 unable to sit still in a room.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
 -- Camillo Di Cavour
%%
I have discovered the heart of bushido: to die!
 -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo
%%
I have done the state some service, and they know 't.
No more of that. I pray you, in your letters,
When you shall these unlucky deeds relate,
Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate,
Nor set down aught in malice. Then, must you speak
Of one that loved not wisely but too well;
Of one not easily jealous, but being wrought
Perplex'd in the extreme; of one whose hand,
Like the base Indian, threw a pearl away
Richer than all his tribe; of one whose subdued eyes,
Albeit unused to the melting mood,
Drop tears as fast as the Arabian trees
Their medicinal gum.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
I have doubts about my health club. The locker room has a smoking and a
 non-smoking section.
 -- Ellen Orchid
%%
I have dynamic memory, it needs constant refreshing...
%%
I have eaten the plums
 that were in the icebox
         And which you were probably saving
         for breakfast.
                 Forgive me.
                 They were delicious.  So sweet
                 and so cold.
 -- William Carlos Williams, 1934, _This is Just to Say_
%%
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy
 something.
 -- Jackie Mason
%%
I have enough trouble single-tasking!
%%
I have ESP, PMS and a GUN, don't even think about it.
%%
I have ever held it as a maxim, never to do that through another,
which it was possible for me to execute myself.
 -- Montesquieu
%%
I have ever loved to repose myself, whether sitting or lying, with
my heels as high or higher than my head.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xiii
%%
I have everything now I had 20 years ago, except now it's all lower.
 -- Gypsy Rose Lee (1914-19970)
%%
I have everything, yet have nothing; and although I possess nothing,
still of nothing am I in want.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2, 12, (243.)
%%
I have fallen in love with all sorts of girls and I fully intend to go on
 doing so.
%%
I have fed like a farmer: I shall grow as fat as a porpoise.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
"I have feelings too - like "My stomach hurts" or "I'm going crazy!"
 -- Homer to Lisa in "Moaning Lisa", from The Simpsons
%%
I have five dollars for each of you.
 -- Bernhard Goetz
%%
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Timothy iv, 7
%%
I have found a wonderful proof, but this fortune is too small to contain it.
%%
I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility
and to discharge my duties as king as I would wish to do without the
help of the woman I love.
 -- Edward, Duke of Windsor
%%
I have found little that is good about human beings.  In my experience
most of them, on the whole, are trash.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
I have found out a gift for my fair;
I have found where the wood-pigeons breed.
 -- William Shenstone (1714-1763)
 -- A Pastoral, Part i
%%
I have found power in the mysteries of thought.
 Euripides
%%
    I have found some of the best reasons I ever had for
remaining at the bottom simply by looking at the men at the
top.
 -- Frank Moore Colby
%%
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find
out what they want and then advise them to do it.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
  I have from an early age abjured the use of meat, and the time will
    come when men will look upon the murder of animals as they now look
   upon the murder of men.
 -- Leonardo Da Vinci
%%
I have full diplomatic accesss.
%%
I have gained my experience.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I have given my pain a name..!!
%%
I have got a disk ache !
%%
I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
 -- Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849)
%%
I have had a dream, past the wit of man to say what dream it was.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I have had my labour for my travail.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I have half a mind to give you a tagline!
%%
I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
%%
I have heard a well-built woman compared in her motion to a ship under
 sail, yet I would advise no wise man to be her owner if her freight be
 nothing but what she carries between wind and water.
 -- Francis Osborne
 (advising his son not to marry a beautiful but poor girl)

 Never eat a heavily sugared doughnut before you go on TV.
 -- John Cheever (to his daughter Susan)
%%
I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear; but now mine eye seeth thee.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xlii, 5
%%
I have heard of the Vulcan integrity and personal honor.  There is a
   well-known saying, or is it a myth, that Vulcans are incapable of lying.
 -- Romulan Commander, "The Enterprise Incident," stardate 5027.3.
%%
I have heard of your paintings too, well enough; God has given you
one face, and you make yourselves another.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I have heard something said about allegiance to the South. I know
no South, no North, no East, no West, to which I owe any allegiance.
 -- Henry Clay (1777-1852)
 -- Speech, 1848
%%
I have heard the mavis singing
  Its love-song to the morn;
I 've seen the dew-drop clinging
  To the rose just newly born.
 -- Charles Jefferys (1807-1865)
 -- Mary of Argyle
%%
I have here only made a nosegay of culled flowers, and have brought
nothing of my own but the thread that ties them together.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xii
%%
I have how many macros?!?
%%
I have
Immortal longings in me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
I have invented rubber food for old people with time to kill.
 -- Pat McCormick
%%
I have just issued a "rm -rf *" on your behalf to a
  critical directory on a remote system of my own choosing.
%%
I have just learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's
wife happy. First, let her think she's having her way.   And second, let
her have it.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
I have just one word for you, my boy...plastics.
 -- from The Graduate
%%
I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages.   You
sound like a frustrated old man who never made a success, an
eight-ulcer man on a four-ulcer job, and all four ulcers working.  I
have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of
beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below.  Westbrook Pegler, a
guttersnipe, is a gentleman compared to you.  You can take that as more
of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry.
 -- President Harry S Truman
%%
I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
 -- New Testament
 -- Philippians iv, 11
%%
I have learned the novice can often see things that the expert overlooks.
All that is necessary is not to be afraid of making mistakes, or of
appearing naive.
Abraham Maslow, Eupsychian Management
%%
I have learned this at least by my experiment: if one advances confidently in
the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he
will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"
%%
I have learned throughout my life as a composer chiefly through my mistakes
and pursuits of false assumptions, not by my exposure to founts of wisdom
and knowledge.
Igor Stravinsky
%%
I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on  Some people's
n'oeuvres.
 Warren Knox
%%
I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution.
 -- Werhner von Braun
%%
I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant,
and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these
teachers.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national
  emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
I have little experience of marriage myself,sir,having only been
married once.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
I have lived long enough to know what I did not at one time believe that no
society can be upheld in happiness and honor without the sentiment of religion.
 -- La Place
%%
I have lived some thirty years on this planet and I have yet to
hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from
my seniors.
 -- James Thurber
%%
I have looked on the hills of the stormy North,
And the larch has hung his tassels forth.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- The Voice of Spring
%%
I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to
cross the street.
 -- Virginia Woolf
%%
I have made good judgments in the Past.
I have made good judgments in the Future.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming that I have
never made one.
 -- James Gordon Bennett
%%
I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have mark'd
A thousand blushing apparitions
To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames
In angel whiteness beat away those blushes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.
 -- T. S. Eliot, "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
%%
I have met so many good people that I have almost lost my faith in the
 wickedness of mankind. - Will Durant
%%
I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your entire body!
%%
I have more information in one place than anybody in the world.
 -- Jerry Pournelle, an absurd notion, apparently about the BIX BBS
%%
I have more pipe dreams than an organist.
%%
I have more quotes than most people have BRAINS, proving SOMETHING.
%%
I have more than enough of almost everything.
%%
I have more understanding than all my teachers: for thy testimonies
are my meditations.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxix, 99
%%
I have multiplied visions, and used similitudes.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Hosea viii, 10
%%
I have my cat's permission to use the computer.
%%
I have my faults, but changing my tune is not one of them.
 -- Samuel Beckett, The Unnameable
%%
I have my portfolio managed by Dionne Warrick.
%%
I have my wedding to prepare, my wife to murder, and Gilder to frame for it.
I'm swamped.
 -- Prince Humperdink, "The Princess Bride", movie
%%
I have my wife on a 4 year lease with an option to buy.
%%
I have never been able to understand why it is that just because
I am unintelligible nobody can understand me.
 -- Milton Mayer
%%
I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
I have never done any 4000ers in Colorado.  Maybe when I am
 60 I will come back and do them.
 -- Reinhold Messner
%%
I have never found, in a long experience of politics, that
criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance.
 -- Harold MacMillan
%%
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
I have never loved anyone of love's sake, except, perhaps,
Josephine - a little.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord,
 make my enemies ridiculous."  And God granted it.
 -- Voltaire
%%
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something
  from him.
 -- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
%%
I have never seen a greater monster or miracle in the world than myself.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
I have never taken things on trust. I see no reason to
make an exception in the case of a mysterious area of
danger
 -- Avon
%%
I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct
  answer to any question.
 -- Spock, "This Side of Paradise," stardate 3417.3.
%%
I have never understood why it is necessary to become
irrational in order to prove that you care, or why it should
be necessary to prove it at all....
 -- Avon
%%
I have no doubt that in reality the future will be vastly more surprising
than anything I can imagine. Now my own suspicion is that the universe is
not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.
 -- J.B.S. Haldane, Possible Worlds and Other Papers
%%
I have no humility. It's a virtue, but I can live with
it
%%
I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it well.
%%
I have no idea what that meant.  - Dot
%%
I have no life anymore, just a project.
%%
I have no luck. I have a ten-dollar check and the only guy who would cash
 it for me was a guy I owed nine dollars to.
 -- Gene Baylos
%%
I have no mouth, and I must burp.
%%
I have no other but a woman's reason:
I think him so, because I think him so.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I have no power, only responsibility.
%%
I HAVE no powers. Q, the ordinary.
"Q, the liar. Q, the misanthrope."
Q, the miserable. Q, the desperate. What must I do to convince you people?
'Die.'
Oh, very clever Worf. Eat any good books lately?
 -- Q, Picard, and Worf, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
I have no problem with God.  It's his fan clubs I hate.
%%
I have no problem with God.. it's his pushy followers I can't stand!!
%%
I have no purpose, directly or indirectly, to
interfere with the institution of slavery in the States where it exists.
I believe I have no lawful right to do so, and I have no inclination to do
so.
 -- Abraham Lincoln, First Inaugural Address, 1861
%%
I have no talents.  I have genius or nothing.  But all
genius is distorted, even my own.
 -- Nero Wolfe
%%
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
%%
I have nothing to declare except my own genius.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
I have nothing to say, but I can say it loudly.
%%
I have no time for monks resisting the carnival.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
I have not kept my square; but that to come
Shall all be done by the rule.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on disk somewhere.
%%
I have not loved the world, nor the world me.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 113
%%
I have not slept one wink.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
I have not the slightest confidence in 'spiritual manifestations.'
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
I have not yet begun to byte!
%%
I have no use for adventures.  They're nasty disturbing things that make
you late for dinner.
 -- Bilbo
%%
I haven't a clue as to how my story will end.  But that's all right.
 When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, you don't
conclude that the road has vanished.
And how else could we discover the stars?
%%
I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling
 every day from Oral Roberts!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I haven't been wrong since 1969, when I was a mistake.
%%
I haven't cleaned in a while. I've got a messy house--a milk carton
 with a picture of the Lindbergh baby on it.
 -- Greg Ray
%%
I haven't committed a crime.  What I did was fail to comply with the law.
 -- David Dinkins (Mayor, New York City)
 -- Answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
%%
I haven't exactly lost it--it's been temporarily
mislaid
%%
I haven't gone by the name @FN@ since before you were born.
%%
I haven't got time to chat to undersecretaries, permanent or otherwise.
 -- Pertwee, DOCTOR WHO AND THE SILURIANS
%%
I haven't had sex in so long, I forget who gets tied up!
%%
I haven't killed anyone yet. Help me keep it that way.
%%
I haven't laughed so much since yesterday.
%%
I haven't lost it--it's been temporally mislaid
%%
I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.
%%
I haven't lost my mind; I'm sure it's backed up on tape somewhere!
 -- Mike Nelson
%%
I haven't lost my mind, it's in the gutter right where I left it!
%%
I haven't lost my mind, it's right here in this jar.
%%
I haven't lost my mind, someone misplaced it.
%%
I haven't time to go chasing after him!  There's violence to be done!
 -- Monty Python
%%
"I have occasional memory lapses."
  "Oh, I get it.  You're a politician."
 -- A rather odd comparison: THE HULK and politicians.
 -- Script by Peter David.
%%
I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
 -- Adrienne E. Gusoff
%%
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 1070
%%
I have often thought that if there had been a good rap group around in
 those days I might have chosen a career in music instead of politics.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
I have often wanted to vote for the best man, bnut so seldom have I found
 him listed among the candidates. The very best thing about the group that
 is usually listed is that only one of them can win.
%%
I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all
the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself
than on the opinions of others.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
%%
I have one of those real old American built cars.   The kind that just
PUNCHES through accidents.
 -- Kevin Rooney
%%
I have only myself to blame, I suppose. - Q
%%
I have only one complaint: Why can't we have longer tagli
%%
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always
 agree with them.
 -- George Bush
%%
I have other fish to fry.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxv
%%
I have partaken of the Great Banquet of Life.  What I
need now is the Great Alka-Seltzer of Life.
%%
I have peppered two of them: two I am sure I have paid, two rogues
in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit
in my face; call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward: here I lay, and
thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me--
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians iii, 6
%%
I have PMS and a 9mm semi-automatic.  Any questions?
%%
I have PMS and a gun. Care to comment?
%%
I have PMS and a Handgun.  Any Questions?
%%
I have reached an age when I look just as good standing on my head as I do
 right side up.
 -- Frank Sullivan
%%
I have reached my Beer D/L limit, I must U/L now!
%%
I have read and understood the above. X_________________
%%
I have read somewhere or other,--in Dionysius of Halicarnassus, I
think,--that history is philosophy teaching by examples.
 -- Viscount Bolingbroke (1678-1751)
 -- On the Study and Use of History, Letter 2
%%
I have read their platform, and though I think there are some unsound
places in it, I can stand upon it pretty well. But I see nothing in
it both new and valuable. "What is valuable is not new, and what is
new is not valuable."
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech at Marshfield, Sept, 1, 1848, p. 433
%%
"I have read your article, Mr. Johnson, and I am no wiser now than when I
started."
"Possibly not, Sir, but far better informed."
%%
I have read your book and much like it.
 -- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)
%%
I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that
they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.
 -- Alan Watts
%%
I have REALLY gotta stop replyin' to tag-lines...
%%
I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world,
and do not find in our particular superstition (Christianity) one redeeming
feature.  They are all alike founded on fables and mythology.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
     I have repeatedly said that in my opinion the idea of a personal God is
     a childlike one, but I do not share the crusading spirit of
     the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act
     of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in
     youth.  I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of
     our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being.
             ALBERT EINSTEIN
%%
I have seen soldiers panic at the first sight of battle, and a wounded
squire pulling arrows out from his wound to fight and save his dying
horse.  Nobility is not a birth right but is defined by one's action.
 -- Kevin Costner, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, 1994
%%
I have seen the data...now bring me some I can agree with.
%%
I have seen the day of wrong through the little hole of discretion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
I have seen the evidence.  I want DIFFERENT evidence!
%%
--- I have seen the FUN ---
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
 -- Kehlog Albran, The Profit
%%
I have seen the future . . . and it works!
%%
I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket..
 ..  I have read the INSTRUCTIONS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have set my life upon a cast,
And I will stand the hazard of the die:
I think there be six Richmonds in the field.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
I have short-term memory loss, though I like to think of it as Presidential
 eligibility.
 --    Paula Poundstone
%%
I have shot mine arrow o'er the house,
And hurt my brother.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
I have six locks on my door, all in a row, and when I go out I only lock
 every other one. 'Cause I figure no matter how long somebody stands there,
 picks the locks, they're always locking three.
 -- Elayne Boosler
%%
I have something BETTER than chocolate.
 Riker
%%
I have somewhere seen it observed, that we should make the same use
of a book that the bee does of a flower: she steals sweets from it,
but does not harm it.
 -- Colton
%%
I have stripped off my dress; must I put it on again?  I have washed my feet;
must I soil them again?
When my beloved slipped his hand through the latch-hole, my bowels stirred
within me [my bowels were moved for him (KJV)].
When I arose to open for my beloved, my hands dripped with myrrh; the liquid
myrrh from my fingers ran over the knobs of the bolt.  With my own hands I
opened to my love, but my love had turned away and gone by; my heart sank when
he turned his back.  I sought him but I did not find him, I called him but he
did not answer.
The watchmen, going the rounds of the city, met me; they struck me and
  wounded me; the watchmen on the walls took away my cloak.
 -- Song of Solomon 5:3-7 (NEB)
%%
I have strong feelings about gun control.
If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it.
 -- Clint Eastwood in Pink Cadillac
%%
I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
 -- Garry Shandling
%%
I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every
form of tyranny over the mind of man.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
I have taken the liberty, ma'am, of drawing up a list of suitable
  candidates.
Good-oh. Let's hear it.
Ahem. List..for the Post..of Lord High Executioner...(unfurls large
  scroll)...Lord Blackadder..........(rolls up scroll)
Ah-ha.
 -- Melchett, Queenie and Edmund : Head
%%
I have that file, it's right he........
%%
I Have The Best Tagline But Ran Out Of Space!
%%
I have the curiosity of a 6 Year old.
%%
I have the greatest enthusiasm for the mission - HAL 9000
%%
I have the Loyhargil.   Nothing can stop me now.
 -- The Rani, TIME AND THE RANI
%%
I have the most perfect confidence in your indiscretion.
%%
I have the other half of Rush Limbaugh's brain.
%%
I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.
 Oscar Wilde
%%
I have the thing you need,
 I am endowed beyond your wildest
 Clearasil-spattered fantasies,
 Oh! oh! oh!
 Oh Oh oh oh oh oh
 oh ohhhhhh!
 -- Frank Zappa, Fillmore East '71, lyrics to "Bwana Dik"
%%
I have thought some of Nature's journeymen had made men and not made
them well, they imitated humanity so abominably.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I have three megs:  Meg Ryan, Meg Keller, Meg Johnston...
%%
I HAVE to buy a new ``DODGE MISER'' and two dozen JORDACHE
 JEANS because my viewscreen is ``USER-FRIENDLY''!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
 -- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
%%
I have to do it myself, but I can't do it alone.
%%
I have to go, I promised Bob I'd let him buy me drinks tonight.
%%
I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a
 bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I have tolerance for everyone... except Rush Limbaugh.
%%
I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for
 such an absurd world.
 -- Georges Duhamel
%%
I have touched the highest point of all my greatness;
And from that full meridian of my glory
I haste now to my setting: I shall fall
Like a bright exhalation in the evening,
And no man see me more.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked
with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing
is a fad that won't last out the year.
 -- Business Book Editor, Prentice Hall, 1957
%%
I have tried lately to read Shakespeare, and found it so intolerably dull
that it nauseated me.
 -- Charles Darwin (1809-1882), Autobiography
%%
I have tried so hard to do the right.
                -Grover Cleveland, 1908.
%%
     I have tried too in my time to be a philosopher;
     but I don't know how, cheerfulness was always breaking in.
              OLIVER EDWARDS
%%
I have trodden the wine-press alone.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah lxiii, 3
%%
I have two computers.  Can I breed them?
%%
I have two pets: A large main dog, and a small emergency backup one.
%%
I have two rules about smoking. The first is that I never smoke while
I'm sleeping. The second is that I never smoke more than one cigar at
a time.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
I have two very rare photographs.
 One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
 The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I have vays to make you talk, @FN@!
%%
I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
I have wagered heavily in the ships pool that you will take him past
  the 6th plateau.
"If I don't?"
I will be...irritated.
 -- Worf and Riker, "Peak Performance", stardate 42923.4
%%
"I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to
 use than eating soup with a knife."
 -- ...understanding Programming Languages
%%
IHC: Initiate Head Crash
%%
I hear a mundane begging to be taunted.
%%
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
 -- Confucius (551-479 BC)
%%
I hear a voice you cannot hear,
  Which says I must not stay;
I see a hand you cannot see,
  Which beckons me away.
 -- Thomas Tickell (1686-1740)
 -- Colin and Lucy
%%
I heard a noise in the barn the other day. I went down there. My brother
 bought a new mule and he was trying to get the mule through the barn door
 but he couldn't get the mule through the barn door because the mule's ears
 was too long.

 So brother had a saw and he was sawing off the top of the barn door to
 get the mule in. I said, "It's a dirt floor, why don't you just dig a
 trench and take the mule in that way?"

 And brother said, "It ain't his legs that's too long, it's his ears!"
 -- Minnie Pearl
%%
I heard Bill Clinton was Grand Marshal of a stock car race
during the Labor Day weekend.  A politician strikes me as an
excellent choice to preside over an event where people drive in
circles at high speed.
%%
I heard @FN@'s mind has been on edible underwear lately...
%%
I heard Linda Blair a most shocking story!
%%
I heard quite an amusing story myself the other day...
...Oh, good. (walks off)
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Chains
%%
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays
of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis
Bacon.
 -- Bill Hirst
%%
I heard that Evelyn Wood just lost a lawsuit. A guy sued her because his
 eyeball blew out at ten thousand words a minute.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
I heard that in relativity theory space and time are the same thing.  Einstein
 discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men.
 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
I heard the bullets whistle and, believe me, there is something charming in
the sound. - George Washington
%%
I heard this on the "Royal Canadian Air Farce":
  Olympia and York, known as O & Y, or "Oy vey".
%%
I heard this on WBCN in Boston last week:
Definition: pumpkin (v.): What people in Kentucky do.
%%
I heard you mention my name, can't you talk any louder.
                            --Nick Lowe
%%
I hear Long Dong Silver is quite upset about his name being mentioned
in such a disreputable place as the United States Senate.
%%
I hear music!
%%
I hear they drummed you out of the continuum.
I'd like to think of it as a significant career change.
 -- Guinan and Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
I [HEART] MY [DOGHEAD]
 -- Enigmatic Bumper Sticker
%%
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
%%
I hear you reproach, "But delay was best,
For their end was a crime." Oh, a crime will do
As well, I reply, to serve for a test
As a virtue golden through and through,
Sufficient to vindicate itself
And prove its worth at a moment's view!
     .     .     .     .     .     .
Let a man contend to the uttermost
For his life's set prize, be it what it will!
The counter our lovers staked was lost
As surely as if it were lawful coin;
And the sin I impute to each frustrate ghost
Is--the unlit lamp and the ungirt loin,
Though the end in sight was a vice, I say.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Statue and the Bust
%%
I held it truth, with him who sings
  To one clear harp in divers tones,
  That men may rise on stepping-stones
Of their dead selves to higher things.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, i, Stanza 1
%%
I hereby sentence you to live in Blythe, California in a house with an
 airpad cooler, until you are dead, or wish you were.
 -- From HONKEYTONK SUE
%%
I hit a bus stop sign which was obscured by people.
%%
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
%%
I Hit the Wall: Isadore There
%%
I hit you, you hit me, we're all bruised so ba-aaad-ly.
%%
I hold a mouses wit not worth a leke,
That hath but on hole for to sterten to.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Wif of Bathes Prologue, Line 6154
%%
I hold every man a debtor to his profession; from the which as men
of course do seek to receive countenance and profit, so ought they
of duty to endeavour themselves by way of amends to be a help and
ornament thereunto.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Maxims of the Law, Preface
%%
I hold he loves me best that calls me Tom.
 -- Thomas Heywood (c. 1574-1641)
 -- Hierarchie of the Blessed Angells
%%
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'T is better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
 -- Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xxvii, 1850, stanza 4, line 27
%%
I hold that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing
 -- Thomas Jefferson
 -- Letter to Madison, 1787
%%
     I hold that man is in the right who is most closely in league
with the future.
             HEINRIK IBSEN
%%
I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano,--
A stage, where every man must play a part;
And mine a sad one.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I hold you as a thing ensky'd and sainted.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
I honestly believe that the doctrine of hell was born in the glittering eyes
 of snakes that run in frightful coils watching for their prey.   I believe
 it was born with the yelping, howling, growling and snarling of wild beasts...
 I despise it, I defy it, and I hate it.
 -- Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a
 good book. Or a friend who's read one.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
I honestly do not believe that anyone was really responsible for this
 accident, but if blame must be placed, it surely belongs, all 110% of it,
 on the other driver.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights.
 I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I hope I bought the right relish...  zzzzzzzzz...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I hope I die before I get old ...
%%
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't
just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I hope I know what I'm talking about
%%
I hope I never have to deal with it. But obviously I would counsel her
and talk to her and support her on whatever decision she made.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to Larry
                   King's question of how he would react if his 13-year-old
                   daughter chose to have an abortion. (CNN, July 22, 1992)
                   Marilyn Quayle later remarked that her daughter would
                   "take the child to term."
%%
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people,
 because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans" as their mascot.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain
what I consider the most enviable of all titles,
the character of an "Honest Man." - George Washington (1732-1799)
%%
I hope I snuff it right now so this moment can be preserved forever!
It can be arranged...
 -- George and Edmund : Private Plane
%%
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for!...
%%
I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain,
 because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs
 hatching.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I hope someday a Pope chooses the name Shorty.
%%
I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have
 a REASON to live!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ``That guy sure owed me a lot
 of money.''
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and
 just laugh at people.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I hope there's some respect and dignity for things I did not do.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle defending himself against
                   allegations of involvement with Paula Parkinson,
                   8/23/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because
 do you hide from it or not?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I hope this scum has not...inconweenienced you.
It takes more than a maniac trying to cut off my goolies to
  inconweenience _me_...
 -- Ludwig and Edmund : Chains
%%
I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I hope when you know the owrst you will at once leap into the river
and swim through handsomely, and not, weather-beaten by the divers
blasts of irresolution, stand shivering on the bank.
 -- Suckling
%%
I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THE RIDE....
%%
I hope you'll think this is funny. A man calls an undertaker and says, "You
 better make arrangements for a funeral. My wife passed away." The
 undertaker says, "You must be drunk. I buried your wife two years ago." He
 says, "I got married again." The undertaker says, "Oh! Congratulations!"
 -- Myron Cohen
%%
I hope you millionaires are having fun!  I just invested half
 your life savings in yeast!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I hope you're right, Data.
No question of it, sir.
 -- Riker and Data, "The Battle", stardate 41723.9
%%
I hope you understand this because I don't...
 -- Dr. Andrew P. Paplinski, Microprocessor Applications lecture
%%
I hourly learn a doctrine of obedience.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
IHTFP: Increment Hormones, Test For Puberty
%%
I... I believe in love.
%%
IIB     Ignore Inquiry and Branch
%%
I, I can't tell you exactly what we do on that pain and suffering in the ----
[He then looked off-stage to Kevin Moley, the deputy secretary of the
 Department of health, for advice]
Kevin, what do we do on the pain and suffering on our malpractice proposal?
[He listened briefly to Moley's explanation]
So, it doesn't address it specifically.
The state -- the states could in fact -- what we basically do is --
try to do -- is get the states to come up with medical malpractice
legislation. We have, I think it's five criteria in our suggested
recommendations. But once they meet the five criteria, then they get a
favorable distribution from us if they meet -- basically forcing the states
to adopt this medical malpractice legislation, and that's the way
that you do it.
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle in Phoenix, Arizona, answering
                    a question on Bush's malpractice reform bill. One of the
                    five malpractice measures would actually require states to
                    place a cap of $250,000 on damages for pain and suffering
                    to avoid a cutoff of federal financing.
                    (reported in the NY Times, 10/7/92)
%%
IIC: Insert Invisible Characters
%%
I idiot-proof my programs, but along comes a bigger idiot.
%%
I idolized my mother. I didn't realize she was a lousy cook until I went
 into the Army.
 -- Jackie Gayle
%%
"I-I-I didn't know they were carnivorous!"
  "Or expert shots!"
 -- "Dinosaurs For Hire"
%%
I*I*I*I*I*I*I*I*I*I*I*I*I --- Stars in your eyes.
%%
II: Inquire and Ignore
%%
IIL: Irreversable Infinite Loop
%%
    I imagine if you had built the Newton Memorial outside
Paris . . . it would have undoubtedly shown the violence of
1870 and 1914 and 1942 and 1945 -- even 1968!  Consider
building a vast cube of stone merely to register the effects
of violence -- marked and dated as an indictment.
 -- Peter Greenaway
 -- Dear Boullee
%%
I imagine you have orders to destroy me.
Doctor, Wheel in Space
%%
I imagine you've guessed by now that these big
 explosion panels are nothing more than an obvious
 method of *greatly* reducing my penciling time.
 -- Ty Templeton footnotes how he Draws Comics. From Stig's Inferno
%%
I improve on misquotation.
 -- Cary Grant
%%
I inhabit a week, frail, decayed tenement; battered by the winds and
broken in on by the storms, and, from all I can learn, the landlord does
not intend to repair.
 -- John Quincy Adams, 1767-1848
%%
I inherited curiosity from my cat. Why do you ask?
%%
I installed a sky-light.  Folks above me are mad.
%%
I installed Windows into my car computer and it crashed.
%%
I interfaced my cat and radio.  I just got hiss.
%%
I invented skydiving in 1989!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I invented the cordless extension cord.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I invent nothing. I rediscover.
 -- Auguste Rodin
%%
I is a university student.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
I is for Innsmouth, a town by the sea
%%
I is knot dain bramaged!
%%
I is the first letter of the alphabet, the first word of the language,
the first thought of the mind, the first object of affection.  In
grammar it is a pronoun of the first person and singular number.  Its
plural is said to be _We_, but how there can be more than one myself
is doubtless clearer the grammarians than it is to the author of this
incomparable dictionary.  Conception of two myselfs is difficult, but
fine.  The frank yet graceful use of "I" distinguishes a good writer
from a bad; the latter carries it with the manner of a thief trying to
cloak his loot.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I joined a bridge club.  My jump is scheduled for Monday.
%%
I joined a health club. I was watching these jerks work out. This guy is
 working out with weights, and he's got a T-shirt on that says, "No Pain, No
 Gain." So I dropped a barbell on his foot. He started to yell and I said,
 "What are you complaining about? Now you're in pain! And you gained twenty
 pounds!"
 -- Cy Kottick
%%
I joined scientology at a garage sale!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I judge a religion as being good or bad based on whether its adherents
become better people as a result of practicing it.
 -- Joe Mullally, computer salesman
%%
I judge people by what is in their hearts--not by the
color of their scales
%%
I just _adore_ this !
%%
I just BBSed all night and boy is my baud tired.
%%
I just booted my computer... it went 23 yards!!
%%
I just bought a Chihuahua. It's the dog for lazy people. You don't have to
 walk it. Just hold it out the window and squeeze.
 -- Anthony Clark
%%
I just bought a Cured Ham, I wonder what it had ??
%%
I just bought a new house. It has no plumbing. It's uncanny.
 -- Morey Amsterdam
%%
I just broke up with someone, and the last thing she said to me was:
 "You'll never find anybody like me again." And I'm thinking: I should hope
 not! Isn't that why we break up with people? If I don't want you, why would
 I want someone just like you! Does anybody end a bad relationship and say,
 "By the way, do you have a twin?"
 -- Larry Miller
%%
I just came back from Wal-mart. One of the gift items they had were these nice
%%
I just came back from Wal-mart. One of the gift items they had were these nice
globes of the earth. I noted that they had painted Germany as one country
already, but the Baltics, and of course, the Ukraine, were still painted as
part of USSR.

They really ought to sell those with this packet of stickers -- one for each
S.S.R., so that as they break off, you could paste them in.
%%
"I just can't help myself!"
 -- Standard disclaimer
 -- Babs Bunny
%%
I just couldn't convince Texans that Dukakis was Greek for Bubba.
 -- Lloyd Benson
%%
I just didn't say it.
             Associated Press, 10/5/66
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
I just do it.
%%
I just don't believe in the basic concept that someone should make their
whole career in public service.
 -- Vice President (former senator, former congressman, etc..)
                   Dan Quayle
%%
I just don't get it, Guinan. I can field strip a fusion reactor. I can
  realign a power transfer tunnel. Why can't I make things work with a
  woman like Christy. It's like...I don't know what to do. I don't know
  what to say.
You're doing fine with me.
You're different.
No, you're different.
But I'm not trying now.
That's my point.
 -- Geordi and Guinan, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
I just DON'T understand human behaviour.
 -- C-3PO
%%
I just fade my voice out like this and cue...
%%
I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I just found out that the brain is like a computer.  If that's true, then
there really aren't any stupid people. Just people running DOS.
%%
I just found the last bug!
%%
 I just got a car phone.  I'm not here at the moment.  Leave me a
 message and I'll call you when I'm out.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
I just got a hard drive and can't do a thing with it.
%%
I just got my phone bill.  Buy AT&T stock now!
%%
I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker..
 But now I can't remember WHO he is...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I just got my wife some transportation.....great broom!
%%
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a
 bookmark.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I just got pulled over by the L.A.P.D. and boy am I beat.
%%
I just gotta write some new taglines...
%%
I just had a mental breakdown. Got any jumper cables?
%%
I just had an emotional breakdown. Wanna give me a lift?
%%
I just had a NOSE JOB!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I just had my brain washed,and can't do a thing with it.
%%
I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I just had one beer ocifer! A pony keg.
%%
I just hate it when it does that !!
%%
I just have one thing to say:  Murphy, you owe me!
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle after Candice Bergan won an
                   Emmy for her role as Murphy Brown
%%
I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!!  And I was just getting in touch
 with my LEISURE SUIT!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I just heard your wind effect gnashing its teeth.
 -- Sarah Jane, DEATH TO THE DALEKS
%%
I just held my hand up to this buzz saw and lost one of
my fingers! What do you make of that?...Damn--there goes
another!
%%
I just hired him and he's already off on a case!  What a brown-noser!
%%
I just ignore Ross Perot's paranoid diatribe.
%%
I just installed airbags in my car.
%%
I just joined a car pool.  That diving board is tricky!
%%
I just keep my eyes closed and hope the best
%%
I just kidnapped @FN@! Send 100 million dollars, or else!
%%
I just kidnapped this BBS. Send 100 million dollars, or else!
%%
I just know I read that somewhere....
%%
I just know I was meant to be born rich--somebody up
there must have fouled up the paperwork
%%
I just like to say quark, quark, quark, quark, quark, quark...
%%
I just love nonverbal communication!
%%
I just love the smell of gunpowder!
 -- Bugs Bunny
%%
I just might say yes
%%
I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
 Bill Hoest
%%
I just play here.
%%
I just remembered something about a TOAD!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I just reversed the polarity flow.  <The Doctor<
%%
I just say these things; I have no idea what they MEAN
%%
I just send my income to Washington. Who can afford taxes?
%%
I just spent 2 hours shoveling 12 inches of 'Partly Cloudy'
out of my driveway.
 -- Thor Poulsen (Amdahl employee)
%%
I just steal 'em, I don't explain 'em.
%%
I just stepped on a factoid! - Zippy
%%
I just tested out my pit bull. Ever heard a mime scream?
%%
I just thought I might mosey over to the war room for a few minutes
 and see what's doing over there.
 -- Gen. Buck Turgidson, from Dr. Strangelove
%%
I just thought of something funny...your mother.
 -- Cheech Marin
%%
I just want to be a good engineer.
 -- Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, concluding his keynote speech
     at the 1988 AppleFest
%%
I just want to get a Ph.d in love.
 -- Barbara De Angelis
%%
I just want to say, if you had lived, you would have been a very sick man.
 -- Jack E. Leonard
%%
I just want to shoot it, yes I do!
%%
I just want your body, baby... from dusk till dawn!
%%
I just washed my phone line and can't do a thing with it.
%%
I just wish that Dan Quayle would stop that endless smiling all the time.
 How are we going to send him overseas to all those funerals?
%%
I just won't sleep, that's all.
%%
I KAISER ROLL?!  What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little
 COLE SLAW on the SIDE?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Ikea : Swedish for long line-ups.
%%
I keep hearing that Jesus Christ is coming, but nobody knows his tour dates.
 -- Michael Lucas
%%
I keep Juan Valdez in business!
%%
I keep missing Rush Limbaugh.  But with this laser sight...
%%
I keep putting off procrastination & get nowhere
%%
I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
          Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
          Just So Stories (1902) "The Elephant's Child"
%%
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
%%
I kept a diary right after I was born.  Day 1: Still tired from the
move.  Day 2: Everyone talks to me like I'm an idiot.
%%
I kept it warm in my own oven!
 -- Divine (PINK FLAMINGOS)
%%
Ike Skelton, Congressman (Mo.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
IKI: Ignore Keyboard Input
%%
I killed an ant, now all my relatives are afraid of me.
%%
I killed him, and he forgave me.   Why did he have to be so nice
   about it?
    Peri, Revelation of the Daleks
%%
I killed Jesus just to watch him bleed. Have a nice day.
%%
"I kind of like it. Interesting percussion section."
  "Those are cannons."
"And they perform this in crowded concert halls? Gee, I thought classical
 music was boring!"
 -- CALVIN AND HOBBES
%%
I knew a girl, she was a macho man.
%%
I knew a very wise man that believed that if a man were permitted
to make all the ballads, he need not care who should make the laws
of a nation.
 -- Andrew Fletcher of Saltoun (1653-1716)
 -- Letter to the Marquis of Montrose, the Earl of Rothes, etc
%%
I knew, by the smoke that so gracefully curl'd
  Above the green elms, that a cottage was near;
And I said, "If there 's peace to be found in the world,
  A heart that was humble might hope for it here."
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Ballad Stanzas
%%
I knew Doris Day before she was a Virgin!
%%
I knew I could make it. I was a burnout, but I was a
very bright burnout from the start.
 -- Tod Frye, Author of Atari Pac-Man
%%
I knew I had some reason for not killing you...Now what
was it?
%%
I knew I shoulda taken that left at Albuquerque
%%
I knew it!  I'm surrounded by assholes!
 -- D. Helmet
%%
I knew it was a bad crash, when the FAA called.
%%
I knew I would like her when I saw how her backside moved under her red
 satin skirt.
%%
I knew once a very covetous, sordid fellow,
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Letter, Nov. 6, 1747
%%
I knew peace until I found Thalia. <G<
%%
I knew she was gone 'cuz, I ran out of beer.
%%
"I knew that before you were born." Let him who would instruct a wiser
man consider this as said to himself.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book v, Fable 9, 4
%%
I knew that I would be going places, and I just wanted to know where
I was when I got there.
 -- Michael Jordan, Chicago Bulls center,
 -- answer when he was asked why he majored in geography
 -- at the University of North Carolina
%%
I knew that rubber chicken was gonna get me in trouble.
%%
I knew the gun was loaded but I didn't think he'd kill.
 -- Glen Frey
%%
I knew then (in 1970) that a 4-kbyte minicomputer would cost as much as
 a house.   So I reasoned that after college, I'd have to live cheaply in
 an apartment and put all my money into owning a computer.
 -- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
%%
I knew words were like chains, they held me back... the act of
description taints the description.
 -- John Fowles
%%
I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,
Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,
With sweet musk-roses and with eglantine.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
I know a couple that got remarried. He missed two alimony payments and she
 repossessed him.
 -- Bill Barner
%%
I know a girl who broke every date she had--she went out with them.
 -- Bob Melvin
%%
I know a good ferret tagline when I steal one.
%%
I know a good tag line when I steal one
%%
I know a hawk from a handsaw.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
I know a heartache when I see one.
%%
I Know A Joke
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to
 stay away from it.
 -- Paula Poundstone
%%
I know a little 'bout Love, and baby, I can guess the rest.
 -- Skynyrd.
%%
I know a lot of people without brains who do an awful lot of talking.
 -- The Scarecrow, Wizard of Oz
%%
I know and I know you know I know.
%%
I know a politician who believes that there are two sides to every
 question--and takes them both.
 -- Ken Murray
%%
I know a trick worth two of that.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
     I know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind.
             ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY
%%
I know death hath ten thousand several doors
For men to take their exit.
 -- John Webster (c. 1580-1625)
 -- Duchess of Malfi, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
I know enough about the World, to know that I don't want to know anything more.
 -- Sly
%%
I know everything about everything, except that.
%%
I know everything, but I'm sworn to secrecy.
%%
I know everything except myself.
 -- Francois Villon (c. 1430-1484)
 -- Autre Ballade, i
%%
I know everything.  It's just sometimes I'm wrong.
%%
I know from long experience that my men have all the artistic talent of
  a cluster of colourblind hedgehogs...in a _bag_.
 -- Edmund to Melchett : Captain Cook
%%
I know he has hidden talents - I just hope we'll see them someday.
%%
I know how to do anything - I'm a Scouter.
%%
I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I know human beings. They're all sopping over with compassion and
  forgiveness. They can't wait to absolve...almost any offense. It's
  an inherent weakness in the breed.
 -- Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
I know human names well enough.  After all, you are who you eat.
 -- Ed the Shark, from Diane Duane's DEEP WIZARDRY
%%
I know I can count on every Klingon warrior on this crew to serve and
  die in battle. So, I ask, Commander Riker - where are your loyalties.
"I have been assigned here to serve this ship and to obey your orders. I
  will do exactly that."
Will you take an oath to that effect.
"I just did."
 -- Capt. Kargan and Riker, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
I know I have a purpose because I always seem to need deodorant.
%%
I know, I know... I'm dreaming.
%%
I know I'm a sick person--the question is whether it's
charming or offensive
%%
I know I'm disgusting drunk,but I'm paying for it - I can see 2 of you
%%
I know I'm going to miss her, a tomato ate my sister.
 -- From "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes".
%%
I know I'm lucky. I always have been.
%%
I know it is a sin
For me to sit and grin
    At him here;
But the old three-cornered hat,
And the breeches, and all that,
    Are so queer!
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Last Leaf
%%
I know it's only rock and roll, but I like it, like it, yes I do!
%%
I know Jack Shit.
%%
I know karate...and seven other Chinese words.
%%
I know karate, kung fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
%%
I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.
%%
I know my boyfriend had sex before we met, but he didn't enjoy it!
%%
I know my computer likes me... it shared an IRQ.
%%
I know my facts are right. I heard them from @FN@.
%%
I know my own mind ... and it's around here somewhere!
%%
I know no method to secure the repeal of bad or obnoxious laws so
effectual as their strict construction.
 -- Ulysses S. Grant (1822-1885)
 -- From the Inaugural Address, March 4, 1869
%%
I know nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooothing.
%%
I know nothing about it; I am my own ancestor.
 -- Junot, Duc D'Abrantes (1771-1813)
%%
I know nothing about platonic love except that it is not to be found in
the works of Plato.
 -- Edgar Jepson
%%
I know nothing about sex because I was always married.
     Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
I know nothing.
 -- Ken Thompson
%%
I know not, I ask not, if guilt 's in that heart,
I but know that I love thee whatever thou art.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Come, rest in this Bosom
%%
I know not, sir, whether Bacon wrote the works of Shakespeare, but if
 he did not it seems to me that he missed the opportunity of his life.
 -- James Barrie
%%
I know not where His islands lift
  Their fronded palms in air;
I only know I cannot drift
  Beyond His love and care.
 -- John G. Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- The Eternal Goodness
%%
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
I know now that there's one thing you've all overlooked: intelligence and
education that hasn't been tempered by human affection isn't worth a damn.
 -- Daniel Keyes, "Flowers for Algernon"
%%
I know of no driving manual which suggests that passengers depart from the
 cabin of the car when going around the corner at such speeds. When this
 happened, I took evasive action, and that is when I wiped out those other
 five cars, the bus and the branch bank office. One of the passengers who
 got out of the other car still managed to come through my windshield, at
 considerable additional cost, may I add.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I know of no safe depository of the ultimate powers of society but the
people themselves; and if we think them not enlightened enough to
exercise their control with wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to
take it from them, but to inform their discretion by education.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, letter to William Charles Jarvis, 1820
%%
I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as
 the one that begins: "Have you read ..."
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
I know one committee I don't want -- Judiciary.  They are going to be
dealing with all those issues like abortion, bussing, voting rights,
prayers.  I'm not interested in those issues and I want to stay as far
away from them as I can.
 --  Senator Dan Quayle (from "What a Waste it Is to Lose One's Mind"
 -- the Unauthorized Autobiography)
%%
I know on which side my bread is buttred.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
I know [patriotism] exists, and I know it has done much in the present
contest.  But a great and lasting war can never be supported on this
principle alone.  It must be aided by a prospect of interest, or some
reward.
 -- George Washington
%%
I know perfectly well where most Rock stars belong, but I seriously doubt
 that the Betty Ford Clinic can handle all of them at the same time.
%%
I know Sir John will go, though he was sure it would rain cats and dogs.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
I know so little, but I know it fluently...
%%
I know someone with the exact same name!   Really? Who?
%%
I know something about opening windows and doors.
%%
I know something Bo doesn't!
%%
I know that Aesop told us "Every truth has two sides; it is well that we
 look at both sides, before we commit ourselves to either." However, you
 always chose the wrong side and are never right, so I think the discussion
 is closed. Once and awhile, when you agree with me, you violate this
 general rule.
%%
I know that Deformed.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
I know that every time one door closes, another door
opens, but why do these hallways have to be so dark?
%%
I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the
greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most
obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity
of conlusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleages,
which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven,
thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
I know that my goal is more than a thought.
 -- Alex Lifeson
%%
I know that our bodies were made to thrive only in pure air, and the scenes
in which pure air is found.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and
  I hate people like that!
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
I know that you think an unhappy childhood has lead you to all this,
but that's really no excuse.
 -- The Flash
%%
I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
 The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building.
 -- Charles Schulz
%%
I know the combination to your locked baud rate..
%%
I know the difference now between dedication and infadtuation.  That
doesn't mean I don't still get an enormous kick out infactuation: the
exciting ephamera, the punch in the stomach, the adrenaline to the
heart.
 -- Anna Quindlen
%%
I know the disposition of women: when you will, they won't; when you
won't, they set their hearts upon you of their own inclination.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7, 42, (812.)
%%
I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers.  He hates New York.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I know there are nights when I have power, when I
 could put on something and walk in somewhere, and
 if there's a man who doesn't look at me, it's
 because he's gay.
 -- Kathleen Turner
%%
I know there are no well-adjusted men in New York but I'd be happy to find
 one that's treatable.
 -- Audrey Buslik
%%
I know the road, I know where it goes; that's why I'm going so slow...
%%
I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"I know this creature.  He is the EMBODIMENT of EVIL -- decades ago, his
 machinations often brought the world to the *BRINK* of chaos!"
  "Hey -- people change!"
 -- The Shadow and associates discuss Shiwan Khan.
 -- From THE SHADOW
%%
"I know this is an inconvenient time to ask, but did
he ever mention anything about source code?"
 -- Overheard at funeral
%%
I know this world needs help.
%%
I know this world needs help.  That's why some of my generation are
  kind of crazy and rebels.  We wonder if we're going to be alive
  when we're thirty.
 -- Roberta Lincoln, "Assignment Earth," stardate unknown.
%%
I know th'MAMBO!!  I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I know two kinds of audience only--one coughing and one not coughing.
 -- Arthur Schnabel
%%
I know UNIX, ADA, FORTH, APL, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN,
COBOL, SMALLTALK, LISP, and nineteen other high-tech words
%%
I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of.
     Michel de Montaigne
%%
I know what's right...I got just one life...-- Tom Petty
%%
I know what 's what, and have always taken care of the main chance.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
I know when I'm out of my league.  I just don't care.
%%
I know where I am....IknowwhereIam
 -- Batty
%%
I know who I am. Sometimes you go away, but I'm still here.
%%
I know you all have very innocent minds, but occasionally a word should be
allowed to wander through before reaching the paper.
%%
I KNOW you're alive... I just couldn't care less!
%%
I know you're supposed to take life one day at a time -- but lately several
days have attacked me at once.
%%
I know your secret.
%%
I know you think that you understood what you thought I said, but I am not
 all that sure that you understand that I seldom say what I think and even
 less often do I mean what I say.
%%
I last saw Elvis at the K-Mart, where he was selling the blue suede
 special.
%%
I laugh at "paid programs"
%%
I laugh, for hope hath happy place with me;
If my bark sinks, 't is to another sea.
 -- William Ellery Channing (1780-1842)
 -- A Poet's Hope
%%
I laugh in the face of danger. I drop ice cubes down the vest of
  fear.
 -- Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
Il brilgue: les t^oves libricilleux
   Se gyrent et frillant dans le guave,
Enm^im'es sont les gougebosquex,
        Et le m^omerade horgrave.
 -- Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass
%%
Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo.  [The good, the bad
and the ugly.]
                           Age Scarpelli,
                           Luciano Vincenzoni (1926-),
                           and Sergio Leone (1921-)
                           Title of film (1966)
%%
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a
pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
I learned quite a bit.
"Apparently not when to duck."
When NOT to duck would be more accurate.
 -- Riker and Picard, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
I learned the difference between a cactus and a caucus.  A cactus has
its pricks on the outside.
 -- Morris Udall, Former U.S. Rep. on his education in public life.
%%
I leave my character behind me.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- School for Scandal, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
I left for college. Dad said, "I'm going to miss you." I said, "Well, now
 that I broke the sight off your rifle." Yeah. My parents threw quite a
 going-away party for me. According to the letter.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco.
%%
I left my tart in Aunt Fran's Crisco.
%%
I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"I left the tri-corder on `The Wild, Chunky, Spunky Planet of Mary Lou Retton
 Clones.'"
  "Spock, you are SUCH a putz."
 -- "Bloom County"
%%
Il est souvent plus grand d'avouer ses fautes que de n'en pas commettre.
[It is often a greater thing to confess one's errors, instead of not
making them.]
   (La Rochefoucauld-Doudeauville, Memoires, "Livre des pensees", 430 [1863])
%%
"I let my mind wander and it didn't come back."
"I figured you'd lost your mind years ago."
 -- Calvin and Mom, "Calvin and Hobbes", 13 Jul 92
%%
I let the media do my thinking for me, therefore I am.
%%
Ilia: "My oath of celebacy is on record."
 -- "ST:TMP", Stardate 1513.8.
%%
I lifted my uncomprehending eyes to the heavens.
%%
I light my candle from their torches.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 5, Subsect. 1
%%
I like a bit of a mongrel myself, whether it's a man or a dog; they're
the best for every day.
 -- George Bernard Shaw  1856-1950, Misalliance [1910], episode I
%%
I like all kinds of spreads.  Playboy, Penthouse, & Legs.
%%
I like a man that wears a wedding ring. 'Cause without it, they're like a
 shark without a fin. You pretty much got to know they're out there.
 -- Brett Butler
%%
I like a man who grins when he fights.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
I like a quiet life, sun, sea, sand, modem ......
%%
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders.  I hate necks.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I like Barney, stuffed and mounted on the wall in my den!
%%
I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
 -- Art Leo
%%
I like blood. It's a primary color.
%%
I like Boolean logic. NOT
%%
I like bread.
%%
I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat!
%%
I like children, if they are properly cooked!
%%
I like Clinton about as much as Vietnam Vets do.
%%
I liked him [Spock] better before he died!
 -- McCoy,  "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
I liked morphine from the start. It made me graciously tolerant of every
 form of human imbecility, including my own.
 -- Alexander King
%%
I like doing things to help people. People don't wear their seat belts
 anymore. I figure, I'll make fuzzy clothes and make seats out of Velcro.
 -- Andy Andrews
%%
I liked O.J. better when he was a commercial & I could switch channels.
%%
I like dolphins.  If dolphins were human, I'd be a dolphin.
%%
I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make
 them wear little hats so I can use the car-pool lanes.
 -- Monica Piper
%%
I liked "Slaughterhouse 5", but I can't find the first four
anywhere.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I liked you better before I knew you so well.
%%
I Like Fish: Ann Chovie
%%
I like having a machine called 'elvis' on the network because that way, I can
 say 'ping elvis' and have it come back with 'elvis is alive'.
 -- Carl Shipley
%%
I like him and it in that order.
%%
I like it better in the dark.
%%
I *LIKE* IT!!
 -- Delinquent w/cannon in ROBOCOP
%%
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
%%
I like life. It's something to do.
 -- Ronnie Shakes
%%
I Like Liquor: Ethyl Alcohol
%%
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
I like making things up. That's my job. I'm a historian.
 -- The Little Prince
%%
I like men to behave like men, strong and childish.
 -- Francoise Sagan
%%
I like milk because it comes from cows.
%%
I like mixing leisure with pleasure.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I like my coffee black... as a moonless night.
%%
I like my men to be...well...hockey players!
%%
I like my penis, but I do not think it requires boldface, capitalization,
 italics, or other forms of typographical emphasis.
 -- Eugene Bild, Chicago Reader
%%
I like my species the way it is.
 Worf to Locutus
%%
I like my steak MIDIum rare...
%%
I like my women to be...well...hockey players!
%%
I like naked ladies - one at a time, in private.
%%
I like oral sex; it's the phone bills I hate.
%%
I like overkill.
 -- Post Brothers Comics
%%
I like people better than principles, and I like people with no
principles better than anything else in the world.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
I like picking up hitchhikers, and then look straight ahead with out
 speaking at all. Then after a while, look at the victim and give evil laugh,
 and grin at them.
%%
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
 --  Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
I like quality, not quantity.
%%
I like sex. (Big letters)
Since I don't have sex in your office, and I
probably like sex more than you like smoking,
please do not smoke in my office.
 -- Sign in office
%%
I LIKE sex on TV! And the floor, the kitchen table, the..
%%
I like smoke and lightning, heavy-metal thunder,
 racing with the wind, and the feeling that I'm under.
%%
I liketh a band that playeth the oldies.
 -- David Addison
%%
I like the 486 tower.  Does it come in red?
%%
I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
I like the "Fat Elvis" stamp better.
%%
I like the future, I'm in it.
%%
I like the idea of an ancient race--it makes a world
feel so...lived in
%%
I like the old-time diners with names like Eat. But be careful if they
 advertise a bottomless cup of coffee. You could end up with a scalded
 crotch.
 -- Tommy Sledge
%%
I like the one about the fella who swam the English Channel. It took him
 fifty-eight hours to swim there, twelve seconds to come back. His jockstrap
 got caught.
 -- B. S. Pully
%%
I like the way ONLY their mouths move..  They look like DYING OYSTERS
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I like the way your mind malfunctions.
%%
I like the whiskey old and the women young.
%%
I like the word 'indolence'.  It makes my laziness seem classy.
     Bern Williams
%%
I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to
 promote peace than our governments.  Indeed, I think that people want
 peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of
 the way and let them have it.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
I like to enter messages from the Asylum computer.
%%
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings...
 Boy With Pail...  Kitten On Fire.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I like to have a man's knowledge comprehend more than one class of topics, one
row of shelves.  I like a man who likes to see a fine barn as well as a good
tragedy.
 -- Emerson
%%
I like to know what I'm doing when I'm doing what I do when I'm
doing it because I don't know what to do when I'm not doing it.
 -- Stan Ridgeway
%%
I like to leave messages *before* the beep.
%%
I like to listen.  I have learned a great deal from listening carefully.
 Most people never listen.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
I like to paint passing lines on curved roads.
%%
I like to pick up hitchikers and say things like... "Sooo, how far did you
 THINK you were going anyway?" or "Put your seat belt on. I want to try
 something. I saw it in a cartoon once, but I think I can do it."
%%
I like to press wild flowers.
%%
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I like to sit and think. Mostly, I just sit.
%%
I like to skate on the other side of the ice... I like to reminisce with
 people I don't know... I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the
 shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit... And when I get
 real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit
 in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I like to skate on the other side of the ice.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I like to think of myself as a divide overflow.
%%
I like to torture my plants by watering them with ice cubes.
%%
I like to watch, Eve...
%%
I like trees because they seem more resigned to
 the way they have to live than other things do.
 -- Willa Cather
%%
I like Triple "A" women (Anything, Anytime, Anywhere)
%%
I Like Weeding Gardens: Manuel Labour
%%
"I Like Weird Pizzas" by Ann Choviez
%%
I like winter.  I like the cold.  I like the sound of flowers dying.
%%
I like women with big... HEARTS!  YEAH! THAT's it!
%%
I like women with fire in their bellies.
    Kane, Dragonfire
%%
I like work; it fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours.
 -- Jerome K. Jerome
%%
I like young girls. Their stories are shorter.
%%
I like your approach. Now let's see your departure.
%%
I like your game but we have to change the rules.
%%
I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I like your taglines better than mine!  Wanna swap?
%%
I like you, Sali.  That's why I'm going to kill you last.
%%
I line my pockets with hot cheese.
%%
ILink, ULink, we all Link for ILink!
%%
I listen to feminists and all these radical gals -- most of them are failures.
 They've blown it.  Some of them have been married, but they married some
 Casper Milquetoast who asked permission to go to the bathroom.  These women
 just need a man in the house.  That's all they need.  Most of the feminists
 need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And
 they blew it and they're mad at all men.  Feminists hate men.  They're
 sexist.  They hate men -- that's their problem.
 -- Reverend Jerry Falwell
%%
I listen to Paul and Al in the morning....
%%
I lit the emergency candle. Why is it hissing?
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
I live an idle burden to the ground.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xviii, Line 134
%%
I live by Louis Pasteur's advice that "Chance favors the prepared mind,"
 and my own, "The two most common elements in the known universe are
 hydrogen and stupidity."
 -- Harlan Ellison
%%
I live in a country where food is considered entertainment. So I suppose
 all those people in the Third World are not starving--they're bored.
 -- Jimmy Tingle
%%
I live in a house, but belong in a HOME.
%%
I live in a quiet neighborhood -- We use silencers.
%%
I live in my own place
have never copied nobody even half,
and at any master who lacks the grace
to laugh at himself -- I laugh.
 -- inscribed over the door to Friedrich Nietzsche's house
%%
I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in
the years of
maturity.
 Albert Einstein
%%
I live in the Managerial Age, in a world of "Admin."  The
greatest evil is not now done in those sordid "dens of crime" that
Dickens loved to paint. It is not done even in concentration camps
and labour camps.  In those we see its final result.  But is con-
ceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean,
carpeted, warmed, and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white
collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need
to raise their voice.
-- Preface to 'The Screwtape Letters' by C.S. Lewis
%%
I live in the past, the rent is cheaper.
%%
I live just off Ventura Boulevard, where all the weirdos hang out, and I
 was on a corner the other day when a wild-looking sort of gypsy-looking
 lady with a dark veil over her face grabbed me right on Ventura Boulevard
 and said, "Karen Haber! You're never going to find happiness, and no one is
 ever going to marry you." I said, "Mom, leave me alone."
 -- Karen Haber
%%
I live like I type - Fast, and with a lot of mistakes.
%%
I live like this 'cuz I like it; I've seen too much to pretend
%%
I live not in myself, but I become
Portion of that around me;
High mountains are a feeling, but the hum
Of human cities torture.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 72
%%
I live on a one-way, dead-end street ...
%%
I live one day at a time, but I'm three weeks behind.
%%
I live the greatest adventure one could ever desire.
%%
I'll backup my Hard Drive tomor*(&^)*98&^^...
%%
I'll be a kid until I'm over eighty years old.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'll be Bach.- Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger
%%
I'll be BACK!!!
%%
I'll be back in a GIF!
%%
I'll be back... maybe!
%%
I'll be back....
 The Terminator
%%
I'll be gentle honey...I promise...
%%
I'll be gone, like a Greyhound Down the Road!!
%%
:ill-behaved: adj. 1. [numerical analysis] Said of an algorithm or
   computational method that tends to blow up because of accumulated
   roundoff error or poor convergence properties.  2. Software that
   bypasses the defined {OS} interfaces to do things (like screen,
   keyboard, and disk I/O) itself, often in a way that depends on the
   hardware of the machine it is running on or which is nonportable or
   incompatible with other pieces of software.  In the IBM PC/MS-DOS
   world, there is a folk theorem (nearly true) to the effect that
   (owing to gross inadequacies and performance penalties in the OS
   interface) all interesting applications are ill-behaved.  See also
   {bare metal}. Oppose {well-behaved}, compare {PC-ism}.  See
   {mess-dos}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"I'll be judge, I'll be jurry," said cunning old Fury; "I'll try the
whole cause, and condemn you to death."
 -- Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832-98), English writer,
mathematician
 -- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, ch. 3 (1865)
%%
I'll be learning Windows, too, I guess ...
%%
I'll believe it, when I believe it.
%%
I'll be lost in the ozone for a while.
%%
I'll be mellow when I'm dead!
 -- Weird Al Yankovic
%%
I'll bet I don't have a gambling problem.
%%
I'll bet if George M. Cohan were alive today he wouldn't be telling all the
 gang at Forty-second Street he'd soon be there.
 -- H. Martin
%%
I'll bet I'm able to stop gambling!
%%
I'll bet the human brain is a kludge.
 -- Attributed to Marvin Minsky
%%
I'll bet you're wondering who wrote this quote.
%%
I'll be unstopable when I get started...
%%
I'll be with you in two sex, said the hermaphrodite.
 -- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
I'll be youah race-cah drivah...
 -- Jewel%Pahrk youah race-cah in Havahad Yahd?
 -- Anja [smoe]
%%
I'll bite his leg off.
 -- Someone getting into a role-playing game a bit too much, in ZOT!
%%
I'll bombard this stinking planet until it is nothing but a
smoking hole in space!
    Graff Vynda-Ka, The Ribos Operation
%%
Ill-bred children are always displaying their pest manners.
%%
I'll buy Bob a funeral plot if he moves right in.
%%
I'll buy that for a dollar.
%%
I'll byte your bits if you'll nybble my words
%%
I'll call you back, my call-waiting's beeping!
%%
Ill can he rule the great that cannot reach the small.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book v, Canto ii, St. 43
%%
I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over,
carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia,
I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun.
 -- Hawkeye, M*A*S*H
%%
I 'll charm the air to give a sound,
While you perform your antic round.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Ill-chosen abstraction is particularly evident in the design of the ADA
runtime system. The interface to the ADA runtime system is so opaque that
it is impossible to model or predict its performance, making it effectively
useless for real-time systems.
 -- Marc D. Donner and David H. Jameson.
%%
I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start
 without me.
%%
Ill customs and bad advice are seldom forgotten.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
I'll deal with today tommorrow.
%%
I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
listen to it!
 -- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
%%
I'll do anything for him!  I love him very much!
 Write that with very big letters!
 -- Brigitte Nielsen re: Sylvester Stallone, 1985
%%
I'll do it tomorrow, quit calling me a procrastinator!
%%
I'll do it when I remember what it was!
%%
I'll drink to that!
%%
I'll drink your health; share your wealth;
 run your life; steal your wife ...
 ... you can call this song 'The United States Blues'.
 -- The Grateful Dead
%%
I'll drive you crazy, but you're paying for gas...
%%
I'll eat anything at a trough.
 -- Bryson Frost
%%
I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States.  Ask
any Indian.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next
            time you will get a penalty for that.
 -- WindowError: 01B
%%
Illegal to remove taglines except by consumer.
%%
Illegetimus non carborundum!
%%
Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of
 not having it.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92
                                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I 'll example you with thievery:
The sun 's a thief, and with his great attraction
Robs the vast sea; the moon 's an arrant thief,
And her pale fire she snatches from the sun;
The sea 's a thief, whose liquid surge resolves
The moon into salt tears; the earth 's a thief,
That feeds and breeds by a composture stolen
From general excrement: each thing 's a thief.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
I'll excuse the mess. I know @FN@ lives here.
%%
I'll flip you like a cheese omelette, I'll lay you out like a wholesale
 carpet, buddy boy!
 -- Jeff Altman
%%
I'll get a life when someone convinces me that it would
be better than what I have now.
%%
I'll get all of you someday.  I'll wipe out your whole family.
%%
I'll get my revenge on all of society!  I'll build a mighty criminal empire!
 -- Mobieus's career criminal
%%
I'll get to it on the 2nd Tuesday of next week.
%%
I'll get you my pretty,  and your little dog too!
%%
I'll get you yet, you kwazy wabbit !
%%
I'll give you a clue - it begins with `f' and rhymes with `factor'...
%%
I'll give you a definite maybe.
%%
I 'll give you leave to call me anything, if you don't call me "spade."
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
I 'll go his halves.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. xxiii
%%
I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove
And in our bound partition never part.
 -- Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad
%%
Ill habits gather by unseen degrees,--
As brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Ovid, Metamorphoses, Book xv, The Worship of Aesculapius, Line 155
%%
"I'll have 10 chocolate sundaies."
I have never seen anyone eat...10 chocolate sundaies.
"I'm in a really bad mood and since I've never eaten before, I should be
  very hungry."
 -- Q and Data, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
I'll have a beer, and get a Bloody Mary for my friend.
%%
I'll have another bowl of cereal, please.
 Jane
%%
I'll have four fried chickens and a coke.
-Jake
 -- "The Blues Brothers"
%%
I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast and juice.
%%
I'll have some white toast.  Dry, ma'am
-Elwood
 -- "The Blues Brothers"
%%
I'll have Spam, Spam, Spam, Bacon, Sausage, and Spam!
%%
I'll have the Turtle Soup....and make it snappy!
%%
I'll have to check with my dad.
 -- Dan Quayle responding when an Indiana GOP county chairman
                   asked him to run for Congress in 1976.
                   (reported by the Washington Post, 10/2/88)
%%
I'll have to get over this sooner or later.  Why not now?  --Louis Wu
%%
I'll have to think twice before I give it a second thought.
%%
I'll have what the guy in the casket had.
%%
"I'll have you all executed!"
"I think not."
 -- Star Trek "Mirror, Mirror"
%%
I'll heal your wounds, I'll set you free; I'm Jesus Christ on ecstasy
%%
I'll hitch hike if I have to!...
%%
I'll hit the brakes -- he'll fly right by!
%%
Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's
trying to ignore.
%%
Illiterate him, I say, quite from your memory.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Illiterate? Write for a free brochure!
%%
Illiterate? Write for information!
%%
Illiterate? Write me for more information...
%%
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
%%
I'll just nip off and shoot myself. Don't worry, it'll be very humane.
%%
I'll Kill you if you ever call me violent again!
%%
I'll let you be in my dream. If I can be in yours.
 -- Bob Dylan, Talkin' World War Three Blues
%%
I'll listen to reason only when it comes out on CD.
%%
Ill-luck, you know, seldom comes alone.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vi
%%
"I'll maim, but no killing."
  "It isn't even human! It's just a filthy,
   smelly demon from another dimension."
"Oh, well, that's different!"
 -- The Badger and Ham
%%
I 'll make assurance double sure,
And take a bond of fate.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I 'll make thee glorious by my pen,
  And famous by my sword.
 -- Marquis of Montrose (1612-1650)
 -- My Dear and only Love
%%
I'll make you famous....
%%
I'll Meet You on Venus After Cryin' In My Beer.
%%
I'll need several beers before tackling the IRQ changes.
%%
Illness strips away superficiality to reveal reality in etched detail.
%%
I'll never discuss my lawyer's character in his absence, so let's
discuss his absence of character!
 -- Michael Lara
%%
I'll never forget good ol' what's-his-name.
%%
I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...
%%
I'll never forget the time I was flying over Milwaukee and the pilot said,
 "We're now approaching the great city; let's set our watches back one
 hundred years."
 -- Jack E. Leonard
%%
I'll never forget the....uhh...the...never mind!
%%
I'll never forget Ummm, ....What's-Her-Name?
%%
I'll never get off this planet.
%%
I'll never let you live this down, Bob!
%%
I 'll not budge an inch.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Induc. Sc. 1
%%
I'll not go back in archives to review the evolution.
%%
I'll not listen to reason.  Reason always means what someone else has to say.
%%
I'll panic if I bloody well want to!
%%
I'll pick up my papers, and smile at the sky. I know that the hypnotized
never lie.
%%
I'll play fair if I get to make up the rules.
%%
I'll publish right or wrong. Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, Line 6
%%
I'll punch the first person who calls me a pacifist.
 -- chrisn@sco.com
%%
I 'll purge, and leave sack, and live cleanly.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
I 'll put a girdle round about the earth
In forty minutes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
I'll put an end to the idea that a woman's body belongs to her . . . the
 practice of abortion shall be exterminated with a strong hand.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf"
%%
I'll put down five....or so....that *I* think are cute!  Hope you enjoy!
%%
I'll quit drinkin' just as soon as I can find some better way to get it
 down.
 -- Jethro Burns
%%
I'll race you to China.  You can have a head start.  Ready, set, GO!
%%
I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom.
%%
I'll respect animal rights if they sign the Constitution.
%%
I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood.
 -- Daffy Duck, Robin Hood Daffy, [1958, Chuck Jones]
%%
I'll say it again for the logic impaired.
 -- Larry Wall <lwall@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov>
%%
"I'll say this once and then reiterate it."
 -- Dr. Michael Morgan, Instrumentation Physics lecture
%%
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon...
%%
I'll see your 2 taglines and raise you another.
%%
I'll shake you into a kitten, that I will!
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
I'll show you fun. Simon, let the games begin.
 -- Marshall, "Just Say No Fun", Eerie Indiana
%%
I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'll show you yours if you show me mine.
%%
I 'll speak in a monstrous little voice.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I'll speak to it through hell itself should gape, and bid me hold my peace.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
I'll stay out of animals' way if they'll stay out of mine.  Hey you,
get off my plate
 -- Roger Midnight
%%
...I'll sulk for the rest of your days and make your life a living
 hell. So there.
%%
I'll take "Famous Taglines" for 1000, Alex.
%%
I'll take Fucking Clues for $200.
 -- Mark
%%
I'll take 'Things Only People on Jeopardy Know' for 200, Alex.  -SLR
%%
I'll take tuna on rye, hold the mercury.
%%
I 'll talk a word with this same learned Theban.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! - Stinky Wizzleteats
%%
I'll tell ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
I'll tell ya, life aint easy for a boy named Sue!
%%
I'll tell you about my mother!
%%
I'll tell you a little secret, sonny. I don't really believe I will be
  dying. I believe I've learned how to transfer the wealth of my knowledge
  into a computer. Before I die, I plan to transfer my great intellect
  into this machine, thus cheating the Grim Reaper of his greatest prize.
 -- Dr. Ira Graves,  "The Schizoid Man", stardate 42437.5
%%
I'll tell you one person who doesn't think we've wasted our money on
 $600 toilet seats --- Saddam Hussein.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I'll tell you what I want, I want someone who is
 so beautiful that when you see her you say, 'Wow,
 that Humperdinck must be some kind of fella to
 have a wife like that.'
 -- William Goldman / S. Morgenstern, The Princess Bride
%%
I'll tell you what kind of guy I was.   If you ordered a boxcar full of
 sons-of-bitches and opened the door and only found me inside, you could
 consider the order filled.
 -- Robert Mitchum
%%
I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad.  It's dead!
%%
I 'll tickle your catastrophe.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
I'll try anything just once too often.
%%
I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times
to make sure!
%%
I'll try not to get you mad at me.
%%
Illuminate the Opposition!
 -- Adam Weishaupt, Grand Primus Illuminatus
%%
ILLUMINATI, n.  A sect of Spanish heretics of the latter part of the
sixteenth century; so called because they were light weights --
_cunctationes illuminati_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:Illuminatus!:
    I.   "The Eye in the Pyramid"
    II.  "The Golden Apple"
    III. "Leviathan".
Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson
Dell, 1988
ISBN 0-440-53981-1

This work of alleged fiction is an incredible berserko-surrealist
rollercoaster of world-girdling conspiracies, intelligent dolphins, the
fall of Atlantis, who really killed JFK, sex, drugs, rock'n'roll, and
the Cosmic Giggle Factor.  First published in three volumes, but there
is now a one-volume trade paperback, carried by most chain bookstores
under SF.  The perfect right-brain companion to Hofstadter's "G"odel,
Escher, Bach".  See {Eris}, {Discordianism}, {random numbers}, {Church
of the SubGenius}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Illusionists fake it.
%%
Illusionists only LOOK like they're doing it.
%%
... Illusions are the most valuable and necessary of all things, and she who
can create one is among the world's greatest benefactors.
 -- Virginia Woolf, "Orlando"
%%
Illustrate your Sermons! Wear "far side" ties.
%%
Illustrious acts high raptures do infuse,
And every conqueror creates a muse.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- Panegyric on Cromwell
%%
ILLUSTRIOUS, adj.  Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and
detraction.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I 'll warrant him heart-whole.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I'll watch some TV. It'll help me to RELAX! -- Ren Hoek
%%
I'll wear any color so long as it's black
%%
Ill weede growth fast.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
I 'll woo her as the lion wooes his brides.
 -- John Home (1724-1808)
 -- Douglas, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I'll worry about it tomorrow.
 -- S. O'Hara
%%
Il n'y a pas lieu de s'inqueter..
%%
I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts
 to bite people themselves.
 -- August Strindberg
%%
I loathe that low vice curiosity.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
    I loathe the expression "What makes him tick."  It is the
American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that
uses the foolish expression.  A person not only ticks, he also
chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be
put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock
in a thunderstorm.
 -- James Thurber
%%
I locked my coathanger in my car; good thing I had a key.
%%
I long ago came to the conclusion that all life is six to five
against.
 -- Damon Runyon
%%
I look at you all, see the love there that's sleeping..
%%
I look better on a woman!
%%
...I looked out my window, and saw Kyle Pettys' car upside down, then I
thought 'One of us is in real trouble'.
 -- Davey Allison, re: a 150MPH crash
%%
I looked up at her and asked how much is that gonna cost?
%%
I looked up executrix. It has nothing to do w/ leather and high heels.
%%
I looked up my wife's family tree. Most of her relatives are
 still climbing around in it.
%%
I looked up the word "politics" in the dictionary and it's actually a
 combination of two words; "poli," which means many, and "tics," which means
 bloodsuckers.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
I look for beer - it makes me go.
%%
I look pretty young, but I'm just backdated.
                    --Pete Townshend
%%
I look upon you as gem of the old rock.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Dedication to Urn-Burial
%%
I lost a button hole today.
 -- Stephen Wright
%%
I lost a dream date w/ Nancy Kerrigan by 1/10 of a point!
%%
I Lost My Balance: Eileen Dover and Phil Down
%%
I lost my job. No, I didn't really lose my job. I know where my job is,
 still. It's just when I go there, there's this new guy doing it ... I lost
 my girl. No, I didn't really lose my girl. I know where my girl is, still.
 It's just when I go there, there's this new guy doing it.
 -- Bob Goldthwait
%%
I lost my knickers at Niagara.
%%
I love a ballad in print o' life, for then we are sure they are true.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Winter's Tale
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
I love a man with chocolate on his breath.
%%
I love America.  Electricity right from the wall, anytime you want it.
 -- A Central American torturer discusses convenience, from THE PUNISHER
%%
I love animals!  But they all seem to taste like chicken.
%%
I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.
%%
I Love Animals......They're Delicious!
%%
I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.
 -- Peter DeVries
%%
I Love Bullfighting: Matt Adore
%%
I love California.  I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona.  A lot of people
forget that.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I love cats. On a good night I can eat 5 or 6 of them!
%%
I_love_Cats...........Under my tires.
%%
I love children!  They taste just like chicken!
%%
I love crap we'll never need -- that's my *favorite* kind of crap!
 -- Truth from Sam and Max
%%
I Love Crowds: Morris Merrier
%%
I love deadlines.  I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly
 by.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
"I loved her face, but I left her behind for you"
 -- Stupid country song titles #14
%%
I loved him like a brothel.
 -- S. J. Perelman
%%
I loved my country, and I hated him.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Vision of Judgment, lxxxiii
%%
"I loved you... loved you as much as any American used car dealer could..."
 -- Uncle Billy laments in FLAMING CARROT COMICS
%%
I love football ... Football's a fair sport for my people. Only sport in
 the world a Negro can chase a white man and 40,000 people stand up and
 cheer him.
 -- Dick Gregory
%%
"I Love Fractions" by Lois Denomenator
%%
I love it, I love it, and who shall dare
To chide me for loving that old arm-chair?
 -- Eliza Cook (1817-1889)
 -- The Old Arm-Chair
%%
I love it when a plan comes together!
%%
I love it when a pun comes together
%%
I love it when a tagline comes together.
%%
--``I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC.  We're going away now.
 I fed the cat. - Zippy''
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I love life and life loves me,
I'm as happy as I can be.
A happier man nowhere exits,
I think I'll go and slash my wrists.
%%
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.
 -- Charles Schultz
%%
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
 -- Walt Disney (1901-1966)
%%
I love MITTs! (Mexicans in Tank tops!)
%%
I love mucking about in boats
 -- Baker, THE TALONS OF WENG CHIANG
%%
I love my attitude problem
%%
I@love~my$computer,;It's%made in Taiwa~##$ ` #@
%%
I love my country, but I fear elected officials, the judiciary and feminizts.
%%
I LOVE my country, but I FEAR my government.
%%
I love my country too much to be a nationalist.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
I love my girlfriend, but I trust my DOG.
%%
I love my job -- it's the only place where I get enough sleep.
%%
I love my job; it's the work I can't stand.
%%
I Love My Sysop.
%%
I love my wife and my Turbo C, sure miss her
%%
I love New York City. I just got into town and I wanted to get on the
 subway. I asked a man, "I'd like to get on the subway. How do I get
 underground?" He said, "Drop dead."
 -- Corbett Monica
%%
I love New York!     * * *       No Radio
%%
I love old Chappers. Don't you, Captain?
Unfortunately, no. I find his films about as funny as getting an
  arrow through the neck...and then discovering it's got a gas bill
  tied to it.
 -- George and Edmund : Major Star
%%
I love rock and roll, put another dime in the jukebox, baby.
                    --Joan Jett
%%
I love ROCK 'N ROLL!  I memorized the all WORDS to ``WIPE-OUT'' in 1965!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I love running Windows! NOT!
%%
I love Rush Limbaugh.  He makes a really nice target.
%%
I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!   This is what
entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils.
 -- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson
%%
I love sex with blonds, but my wife doesn't appreciate it
%%
"I Love Simple Mathematics" by Adam Upp
%%
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because
 one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the
 consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable
 consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is
 death without the responsibility.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
I LOVE spotted owls!!  They taste like chicken!!!
%%
I love Telix for Windows!
%%
I love the absolution of all jocks and preps -- Skate or die!!!
%%
I LOVE the Feminist movement.....when I'm walking behind it.
%%
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. Please, I'll only put it
 in for a minute. What am I, a microwave?
 -- Beverly Mickins
%%
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning...
 Colonel Kilgore
%%
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.   It smells like...VICTORY
   Robert Duvall
%%
I love the smell of taglines in the morning.
%%
I love the smell of Technology in the morning!
%%
I love this nation, but we have some of the stupidest people here.
%%
I love those slow-talking Southern girls. I was out with a Southern girl
 last night, took her so long to tell me she wasn't that kind of girl, she
 was.
 -- Woody Woodbury
%%
I love those who yearn for the impossible.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust
%%
"I Love to Annoy People" by Ann Tagonize
%%
I love to cook!  I love to eat!  I hate to wash DISHES!
%%
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up
 and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using
 blanks.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I love to go shopping.  I love to freak out salespeople.  They ask me if they
 can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?"  Then they ask me
 what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I Love Toxic Waste
%%
I love war....Peace will be hell for me.
 -- George S. Patton
%%
I love when the stewardess says, "Your seat cushion becomes a flotation
 device." Well, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?
 -- Steve Shaffer
%%
I Love Wills: Benny Fishery
%%
I love women....I'm just not sure if I could eat a whole one!
%%
I love working on computers ... hand me the axe, please.
%%
I love working on computers ... hand me the hammer.
%%
I Love You!: Alma Hart
%%
I love you, and I want to EAT YOUR BRAIN!
 -- Return of the Living Dead
%%
I LOVE you baby, but her FLESH got in the way!
%%
I love you, Doctor Johnson. And I want to have your babies.
 -- Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
I love you, Flash!  But we only have 12 hours to save the Earth!
%%
I love you for what you are, but I love you yet more for what you are
going to be.
 -- Carl Sandburg
%%
I love you for your beauty; love me although I am ugly.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes, "Don Quixote"
%%
I love you, not only for what you are,
but for what I am when I am with you.
 -- Roy Croft
%%
I love you Sooo Much,  ...When Your Far Far Away
%%
I love you, you love me...
%%
I love you, you love me, pedo-bestiality...
%%
I lurk quietly and carry a big ON/OFF switch!
%%
I'm #1! Why try harder?
%%
I'm 33, single ... Don't you think it's a generalization you should be
 married at 33? That's like looking at somebody who's 70 and saying, "Hey,
 when are you gonna break your hip? All your friends are breaking their
 hips--what are you waiting for?"
 -- Sue Kolinsky
%%
I'm 80% sure about that, but I'm only 63% sure about the 80%
%%
I'm a 10th generation A.I. holographic computer. I'm not your Mum!
%%
I'm a 5 and a quarter drive, she has a 3 and a half drive; it'd never work out.
%%
I'm a analog man in a digital world.
%%
I'm a beat dead masculinizt.
%%
I'm a beautiful guy
And you have just walked by
And I have gave you the eye
But you pretend to be shy
I'm a beautiful guy
(You know what I mean? You know what I mean?)
 -- Frank Zappa, "I'm a beautiful guy"
%%
I'm a belligerent omnivore - I eat vegetarians.
%%
I'm a born loser -- what's your excuse?
%%
I'm a brain in a vat. Are you one too?
%%
I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum!
%%
I'm a Canadian.  It's like an American without a gun, but with healthcare
%%
I'm a Catholic. I'm like most Catholics. When I grew up I quit. I can't
 quite understand some religions. They're all supposed to be right. But they
 all have one goal--to get to heaven. They all have their own way of getting
 there. So it seems to me you ought to be able to think this out. Like if
 you're Catholic and you want to get to heaven, you can't have sex unless
 you're married. If you're Jewish and you want to get to heaven, you can't
 eat pork. Come on, if you had to make a choice ...
 -- Bob Dubac
%%
I'm a citizen of the universe, and a gentleman to boot!
%%
I'm a clown. That's my sole mechanism of defense. Very few people
 will go out of their way to punish a clown.
%%
I'm a computer programmer for the Amish.
%%
I'm a confirmed sexist. I prefer sex!
%%
I'm a consultant because I'd rather be self-unemployed.
%%
I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.
%%
I'm actually into pyropedonecrophilaquabestiality - the urge to have sex with
young animals under water that are on fire while killing them and keeping their
internal organs.
 -- Tim Stryker
%%
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate.  Then I took it to a potluck.  I
 stood in line for some cake.  They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate
 cake?"  I said, "yes".
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I made a discovery today. I found a computer.
 Wait a second, this is cool.
 It does what I want it to.
 If it makes a mistake, it's because I screwed it up.
 Not because it doesn't like me...
 -- The Conscience of a Hacker
%%
I made a mental note . . . but I forgot where I put it!
%%
I made a note in my diary on the way here. Simply says...'Bugger'.
 -- Cpt. Darling : Goodbyeee...
%%
I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions to the sentiments of
others, and all positive assertion of my own.   I even forbade myself the use
of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion,
such as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc.     I adopted instead of them "I
conceive", "I apprehend", or "I imagine" a thing to be so or so; or "so it
appears to me at present".
When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied myself the
pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing him immediately some
absurdity in his proposition.      In answering I began by observing that in
certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present
case there appeared or semed to me some difference, etc.
I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I
engaged in went on more pleasantly.    The modest way in which I proposed my
opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction.   I had
less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily
prevailed with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I
happened to be in the right.
 -- Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
%%
I made quite a name for myself back home. I left when I found out what it
 was.
 -- Herb Shriner
%%
I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I'm a DOCTOR, Jim, not a biochemical neuroprotein physiologist!
%%
I'm a doctor, not a magician.
 -- Dr. Pulaski, "The Royale", stardate 42625.4
%%
I'm a DOS user until WINDOWS freezes over!
%%
I'm a fellow who bleeds every time a tree is cut down.
             Fresno Bee, 4/28/66
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
I'm a Fidonut and I'm ok. I FREQ all night and I flame all day!
%%
I'm a figment of your imagination.
%%
I'm a flying saucer pilot for the CIA.
%%
I'm a forgotten man in his (Bobby Robson's) mind.
%%
I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats.
 -- Monty Python
%%
I'm afraid I've finally become what I had merely intended to seem.
 -- Wilhelm von Humboldt, 1831
%%
I'm afraid of no man, and very few women.
%%
I'm afraid the duel is off.
Off?
As in 'sod'.
 -- Edmund and George : Duel and Duality
%%
I'm afraid the magazine is written in dwarvish.
%%
I'm afraid the prisoner has eluded us.
Eluded the Enterprise?
 -- Data and Picard, "The Hunted", stardate 43489.2
%%
I'm afraid there's been a change of plan. I'm off to the kitchen
  to hack my head off with a big knife.
 -- Edmund to George : Ink and Incapability
%%
I'm afraid we haven't properly housebroken Bob Morgan.
%%
I'm afraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
%%
I'm afraid you have more of a problem than I anticipated.
Your battery needs a new car.
 -- Mechanic to customer
%%
I'm afraid you'll never make it as an actor. But as a star, I think you
 might well hit the jackpot.
 -- Orson Welles (to Joseph Cotten)
%%
I'm a Freud I can't do that.
%%
I'm a fucshia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm a Fun Guy from Yuggoth.
%%
I'm against any law that I wouldn't break if I could get away with it.
 -- A. Whitney Brown, Saturday Night Live
%%
I'm against firm female bodies, as often as possible.
%%
I'm a game master--it's lonely at the top.
%%
I'm a GENIUS!  I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Imagery is All In The Mind.
%%
Imagery is in the I of the beholder.
%%
Images and reflections to brighten my day.
%%
Imaginary numbers can become quite complex.
%%
Imaginary Numbers:  Eleventeen, Thirty-Twelve, Umpteen, Zillion...
%%
Imagination and fiction make up
more than three quarters of our real life.
 -- Simone Weil
%%
Imagination grows by exercise, and contrary to common belief, is more
powerful in the mature than in the young.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
Imagination-Inspiration for a resourceful Mind.
%%
Imagination is high res...life is low res.
%%
Imagination is intelligence having fun.
%%
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire;
you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Imagination is the foundation of reality.
%%
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
 -- Jules de Gaultier
%%
IMAGINATION, n.  A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint
ownership.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Imagination rules the world.
 -- Napoleon I (1769-1821)
%%
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a
sense of humor to console him for what he is.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
Imagine a mind emptied by that thing, without even a tormentor for company.
%%
Imagine a witty phrase here.
%%
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.
You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
%%
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
 usual way.  This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody
 thinks of complaining.
 -- Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal
%%
Imagine, in a million years, Barney will be a can of 10W-40 motor oil.
%%
Imagine:  Nancy Reagan in Frank Gorshin's old Riddler costume!
%%
Imagine no BBS's.  I wonder if you can?
%%
Imagine Ross Perot on too much caffeine if you dare.
%%
Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer.  It has
a 150 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 1500 megabytes of disk
storage, a screen resolution of 4096 x 4096 pixels, relies entirely on
voice recognition for input, fits in your shirt pocket and costs $300.
What's the first question that the computer community asks?

Is it PC compatible?
%%
Imagine the appeals,
Dissents and remandments,
If lawyers had written
The Ten Commandments
 -- Harry Bender
%%
Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes
explicable.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Imagine the outraged cry for investigations if Clinton was Republican.
%%
Imagine the real disappointment of those people who have been wrong in
 their predictions about the end of the world. Talk about embarrassment...
%%
Imagine what the world would be like if mathematics were an honored ritual
carried out in stadiums for huge audiences, and football was a misunderstood
activity ignored by most people.
%%
I'm a God.  I know everything.
%%
I'm a good man for a bad woman.
%%
I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more
I have of it.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
"I'm a great fan of science, you know" - Slartibartfast.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
I'm a great lover, I'll bet.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I'm a hacker--I don't know the meaning of sleep.
%%
I'm a hallucinogenic toad--lick me all over
%%
I'm a ham, and I do it with a lots of Frequencies.
 -- WB6FBZ
%%
I'm ahead of my time...but only by a week.
%%
I'm a hero with coward's legs.
%%
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
%%
I maintain that the cosmic religious feeling is the strongest and noblest
motive for scientific research.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
I maintain there is much more wonder in science than in pseudoscience.
  And in addition, to whatever measure this term has any meaning,
science has the additional virtue, and it is not an inconsiderable
one, of being true.
 -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism,
 -- The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87
%%
I majored in nursing. I had to drop it. I ran out of milk.
 -- Judy Tenuta
%%
I make everybody happy!! Some when I arrive, Some when I leave!!
%%
I make my own reality.....
%%
I make stained-glass contact lenses--for people who want to sleep in
 church.
 -- London Lee
%%
I'm a law unto myself--and I break it anyway!
%%
I'm Al Capone, I can do anything.
%%
I'm a Leo.   Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff.
 -- Tom Neff
%%
I'm a licenced psychopathic spellchecker, so NYAAH!
%%
I'm a licensed Smurf stomper!
%%
I'm a lifetime member of the NWGA (National Water Gun Association).
%%
I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
%%
"I'm a little girl."
"I'm a little boy."
"How do you know you're a little boy?"
"Wait till the nurse goes out and I'll show you...
 See?  Blue booties."
%%
I'm a little upset. I just found out I have to have this little procedure
 done. Nothing complicated, but they tell me it is going to improve my
 vision about 70 percent. But I'm a little nervous. I hate getting my bangs
 cut.
 -- Anita Wise
%%
I'm a living saint, but you can just call me Sister Cindy.
 -- Sister Cindy
%%
I'm all ears, hooman
 -- DaiMon Perot
%%
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of
 fools. Let's start with typewriters.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
I'm all over that like a cheap suit.
%%
I'm all tagged out!
%%
I'm along for the ride.
%%
I'm a Loony Tune Muso - What's YOUR Disability?????
%%
I'm a lover, not a hacker.
 -- Jeff Daiell
%%
I'm also against BODY-SURFING!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm a lucky guy, and I'm happy to be with the Yankees.  And I want to
 thank everyone for making this night necessary.
 -- Yogi Berra at a dinner in his honor.
%%
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.
%%
"I'm a Lumberjack" by Tim Burr
%%
I'm always easy. I'm NEVER cheap!!!
 -- Dick Munroe
%%
I'm always in trouble, but it's so much FUN!
%%
I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.
%%
I'm a man of my word. In the end, that's all there is
really....
 -- Avon
%%
I'm amazed, that it works at all.
%%
I'm a mean green mother from outer space.
 -- Audrey II, The Little Shop of Horrors
%%
I'm a mine of useless information....
%%
I'm a misanthrope - what's your f#$&ing problem?
%%
I'm a modemer and I'm OK, I post all night and I sleep all day.
%%
I'm a Mog: Half man, half dog.  I'm my own best friend!
%%
I'm a MoonDogger and proud of it.
%%
I'm a mutated .sig virus. Copy me into your .sig or risk instant death.
%%
I'm an absolute, off-the-wall fanatical moderate.
%%
I'm an adopted Tagline....who is my REAL mother?
%%
I'm an agnostic. I can't decide whether or not there's a Goddess.
 -- the future Mrs. Stilt Man
%%
I'm an anarchist, especially about whatever someone else is running.
%%
I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
%%
I'm an ARTIST--please feed my creditors.
%%
I'm an asshole, and I'm proud of it.
 -- Denis Leary, "Asshole"
%%
I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole! What an asshole!)
I'm an asshole! (He's the world's biggest asshole!)
A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E
{Weird dog-like sounds...} ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF
{Weird beat-box like sounds...} FING ACHNG TUM A
FUNG TUM A FLING CHUM
Oooh Oooh
 -- Denis Leary, "Asshole"
%%
I'm an astronomer, not an astrologer.
%%
I'm an Atheist: Noel Noheaven
%%
I'm an equal opportunity Tagline adopter.
%%
 I'm an experienced woman; I've been around...
    well, alright, I might not've been around, but
   I've been... nearby.
 -- Mary Richards
 -- (mary Tyler moore show)
%%
I'm an idealist.  I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
 -- Carl Sandburg
%%
I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me!
%%
I'm an incorrigible punster--so don't incorrige me!
%%
I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking.
%%
I'm ANN LANDERS!!  I can SHOPLIFT!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
%%
I'm an Omegosh tester.
%%
I'm an OS/2 developer...I don't HAVE a life!
%%
I'm an OS/2 developer...I don't NEED a life!
%%
I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm a perfectionist with other people's work.
%%
I'm a photographer.  I take close-up pictures of the horizon.
%%
I'm a power-crazed psycopath - I don't WANT inner peace!!!!
%%
I'm a professional.  I *know* what I'm doing.
 -- The Doctor
%%
I'm a programmer, I don't do COBOL.
%%
I'm a right-brain mind in a left-brain job.
%%
I 'm armed with more than complete steel,--
The justice of my quarrel.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- Lust's Dominion, Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
I'm Arnold Shwarzenegger's Twin Brother!
%%
I married beneath me -- all women do.
%%
I married the first man I ever kissed.  When I tell my children that, they
just about throw up.
 -- Barbara Bush
%%
I'm a salami writer.  I try to write good salami,
 but salami is salami.
 -- Stephen King
%%
I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol.
%%
I'm as confused as you are.
%%
I'm as doomed as doomed can be!
 -- Ed Grimley The one and only Ed Grimley, aka Martin Short
%%
I'm a self-made man, but I think if I had to do it over again, I'd call in
 someone else.
 -- Roland Young
%%
"I'm ashamed to be here, but not ashamed enough to leave"
 -- Stupid country song titles #7
%%
I'm a simple man.  All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough
whiskey for three, and enough women for four.
 -- Walter Slovotsky, The Warrior Lives by Joel Rosenberg
%%
I'm a single-tasking, single-threaded guy.
%%
I'm as innocent as a new-laid egg.
%%
I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I'm as much a typical male as Zeus was human.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'm a soldier, not a diplomat.  I can only tell the truth.
 -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3198.9.
%%
I'm a solipsist and, I have to say, I'm surprised there aren't more of us.
 -- from a letter to Bertrand Russell
%%
I'm a solipsist, I don't see why other people aren't that way...
%%
I'm a space cowboy.   Bet you weren't ready for that.
 I'm a space cowboy.  I'm sure you know where it's at.
 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
 -- Steve Miller
%%
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
 -- Tallulah Bankhead
%%
I'm as serious as a dead convenience store clerk.
%%
I'm a Starship Captain, not a babysitter!
 -- Picard
%%
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard
 enough to find your way around Chinatown.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I'm a sucker for shrimps, but thought I smelt a whale.
%%
I'm a Surfer hanging 10 on the wave of technology.
%%
I'm a tagline, I was a book prior to April 15th.
%%
I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum.
%%
I'm a vagiterian and proud of it!
%%
I'm a vampire. Please wash your neck.
%%
I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing.
 -- Doctor, Destiny of the Daleks
%%
I'm a very modest person.  And damn proud of it.
%%
I'm a Volvovegetarian. I'll eat an animal only if it was accidentally
 killed by a speeding car.
 -- Ron Smith
%%
I'm a WASP--White American Sexy Pagan
%%
I'm a wild and untamed thing.
%%
I'm a workaholic who resisted a rest.
%%
I'm a writer.  Prohibited by statute from having money.
%%
I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but
don't let appearances fool you.   I'm approaching old age ... at the
speed of light.
 -- Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk
%%
I may be accused of being confused, but I'm average weight for my height.
 My philosophy, like color TV, is all there in black and white.
 -- Raymond Scum
%%
I may be a craven little coward, but i'm a GREEDY craven little coward.
%%
I may be an idiot, but indeed I am no fool.
 -- Men at Work
%%
I may be a self-made man, but then, when I get to thinking about it, if I
 had it to do over again, I think I would call in someone else.
 -- Roland Young
%%
I may be back for you.
She serious?
 -- Vekma and Riker, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid.
%%
I may be fat, but you can't jog off your ugly looks.
%%
I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up!
%%
I may be going to hell in a bucket, but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
 -- Bob Weir
%%
I may be stupid, but that still makes me smarter than you.
%%
I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid
 -- Bishop, the artificial person, from _Aliens_
%%
I may be wrong, but I'm never in doubt!
%%
I may choose instruments somewhat sharper than words.
 -- Scaroth (as Scarlioni), CITY OF DEATH
%%
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the
  death, your right to say it.
 -- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.
%%
I may have taught you everything you know, but I
haven't taught you everything I know.
%%
I may justly say, with the hook-nosed fellow of Rome, "I came, saw,
and overcame."
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
I may kid around about drugs, but really, I take them seriously.
 -- Doctor Graper
%%
I may look busy, but I'm just confused!
%%
I may look calm, but beneath this cool exterior is
a churning iceberg ready to explode.
%%
I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me.
%%
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
 -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
I may not be mulch, but I'm compost.
%%
I may not be perfect, but I am all I got!
%%
I may not be right, but I make up for it by being sure.
%%
I may not be smart, but I'm dumb...
%%
I may not be the world's greatest lover, but number seven's not bad.
 -- Allen
%%
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended
up where I intended to be.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
I may not here omit those two main plagues and common dotages of human
kind, wine and women, which have infatuated and besotted myriads of
people; they go commonly together.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 13
%%
I may not understand what you say, but I'll defend to
the death my right to deny it.
%%
I may RISE today, but I refuse to SHINE !!!
%%
I may tell all my bones.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxii, 17
%%
I'm a Zen nudist--I'm naked in my own mind.
%%
I'm back-pedalling as fast as I can...
%%
I'm bad. I'm nationwide
%%
I'm Bart Simpson.  Who the hell are you?
 -- Bart in "Krusty the Clown" (Tracy Ullman Show), from The Simpsons
%%
IMBECILITY, n.  A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting
censorious critics of this dictionary.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I'm becoming addicted to happiness.
%%
I'm BeetleJuice... the Ghostis with the Mostist!
%%
I'm beginning to appreciate the value of naps. Naps are wonderful, aren't
 they?

 Sometimes now I have to take a nap to get ready for bed.
 -- Marsha Warfield
%%
I'm being followed by a pair of boxer shorts.
%%
I'm being held prisoner in a chocolate factory.  Don't send help.
%%
I'm Beverly...,I'm Geordi...,We are Hugh...
%%
I'm bloody sick of standing here every day.
 -- O'Brien
%%
I'm boored. Why don't we have a strike!?!?
%%
I'm bored--I think I'll become a beatnik.
 -- Sluggo (from the Nancy comic strip)
%%
"I'm bored with music between 1955 and 1980.  I'm
 completely bored. I can't listen to a rock and
 roll record.  I can't do it.  I would rather
 listen to hogs screwing."
 -- Sting
%%
IMBP: Insert Mistake and Blame Programmer
%%
I'm bringing home a baby bumble bee.
%%
I'm broad-minded. I hardly think of anything else.
%%
I'm BRUCIE of Borg -  I'm going to ASSimilate you!
%%
I'm Bubba of Borg.  Y'all fixin' to be assimilated.
%%
I'm Bugs Bunny of Borg.  What's up Collective?
%%
I'm busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes.
%%
I'm Buster Brown and I live in a shoe!
%%
I'm busy now. Do you mind if I ignore you later?
%%
I'm Buy-sexual, I have to pay for it.
%%
I'm Catholic ... My mother and I were unpacking and she found my diaphragm.
 I had to tell her it was a bathing cap for my cat.
 -- Lizz Winstead
%%
I'm changing my name to Chrysler
I'm going down to Washington, D.C.
I'll tell some power broker
   What they did for Iacocca
Will be perfectly acceptable to me!
I'm changing my name to Chrysler,
I'm heading for that great receiving line.
When they hand a million grand out,
   I'll be standing with my hand out,
Yessir, I'll get mine!
 -- Tom Paxton
%%
I'm changing the CHANNEL..  But all I get is commercials
 for ``RONCO MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS''!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
%%
I'm coming Dear, I only have 999 more messages to read.
%%
I'm coming to bed, honey....gotta run one more utility...
%%
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State.   My idea
 is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both
 of them together is certain death.
 -- George Carlin
%%
I'm confused - more than usual, that is.
%%
I'm confused.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
I'm considering a move to Memphis,that's Memphis,Tenesee
 It worked for Elvis Presley,why can't it work for me?
 -- Colour-blind James Experience
%%
I'm constantly on line behind some jerk with coupons! Oh good! I wanna live
 in this store! He's got a double-off two-cent coupon for some dehydrated
 non-edible product, and this guy has nothing but time on his hands! Get a
 job! You won't have to save the four cents!
 -- Rick Ducommon
%%
I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm convinced the reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
 would not be caught dead in otherwise.
 -- Roger Simon
%%
I'm crabby cuz; The screaming baby behind you.
%%
I'm crabby cuz; Warm beer.
%%
I'm Crazy but not Stupid.. I think...
%%
I'm cutting boy, but you aint bleeding
 -- Foghorn Leghorn
%%
I'm dancin' on a land mine baby, one leg left...
%%
I'm Dan Quayle.  I'm Dan Quayle.  I'm Dan Quayle.  I am Dan Quayle.
The real Dan Quayle.  The real Dan Quayle stand up.  I'm Dan Quayle.
I'm Dan Quayle.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, rehearsing with
     media consultants
%%
I'm Dan Quayle, who are you?
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, greeting a woman at
     a Hardee's restaurant with a handshake.  She
     responded, ``I'm your Secret Service agent.''
%%
I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier to talk her into staying over.
 -- Garry Shandling
%%
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
 -- Groucho
%%
I'm definitely not in Omaha!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm delighted.  The uglier we are the better we get.
%%
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
 -- Dave Edison
%%
I'm DESPONDENT...  I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this
 miniature DOMED STADIUM...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm developing "TAGrophobia" !
%%
I'm differently-sarcasmed.
%%
I'm disgruntled and I've got a gun.  Is the Post Office hiring?
%%
I'm DISKcombabulated.
%%
I'm doomed to wander around here aimlessly for eternity...or until they
 demolish the mill for a mini-mall, whichever comes first.
 -- Grungy Bill, Hole in the Head Gang, Eerie Indiana
%%
I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!!  Too late...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm driving a new Neon, nicely loaded.
%%
I'm drunk, and right now I'm SO in love with Bob.
%%
I'm dyslexic, so is my girlfriend, together we do 96.
%%
I mean, it's a great story.  It's got some great things in it.  I mean,
there's something like eight violent deaths in it.
 -- Mel Gibson promoting the Shakespearean tragedy Hamlet
 -- in a special video to be shown to public school students.
%%
I mean, like, I just read your article in the Yale law recipe, on search and
 seizure.   Man, that was really Out There.
    I was so WRECKED when I wrote that...
 -- John Lovitz, as ex-Supreme Court nominee Alan Ginsburg, on SNL
%%
I mean, look at this. What is it?
I'm surprised you've forgotten, my lord.
I haven't forgotten. It's a rhetorical question.
...Nah, it's a potato.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Potato
%%
I mean not to run with the Hare and holde with the Hounde.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 107
%%
I meant no harm by staying alive! I only did it as a joke!
%%
I meant, said Ipslore bitterly, what is there in this world that truly
makes living worth while?
Death thought about it Cats, he said eventually, Cats are Nice.
 -- Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
%%
I meant what I said --- I think.
%%
I mean, what's the point of going abroad if you're just another tourist carted
 'round in buses surounded by sweaty, mindless oafs from Ketching and Boventry
 in their cloth caps and their bardigans...
 -- Mr. Smoketoomuch [Monty Python]
%%
I mean you lie--under a mistake.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.
%%
I medicate, therefore who am I?
%%
I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm enjoying summer school. I believe it's been good for me. It saves a lot
 on sunscreen.
 -- Charles Schulz (Peppermint Patty in "Peanuts")
%%
I mentioned my 'Hard drive' and she giggled expectantly.
%%
I message database managers.
%%
I met a fool i' the forest,
A motley fool.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news, but
 she just smiled and turned away.
 -- Don McLean
%%
I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert.  Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read.
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains.    Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
 -- Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822)
                  "Ozymandias" (1819)
%%
i met a womyn from kentucky while i was in new orleans this summer
who found out that i am a vegetarian...she said:
i'm a kittitarian.
she eats pussy-cats.....
ha ha ha ha ha...
so much for bi/lesbian/dyke/byke....we're all KITTITARIANS!!!    --katie
%%
I met Elvis + lived...
%%
I'm ethical.  It's the stupidity that drives 'em nuts.
%%
I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love.  His hat was
old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed
through his shoes, - and the stars through his soul.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
I met the Surgeon General; he offered me a cigarette.
%%
I met this girl very aggressively ... I just walked up to her and I said,
 "Who are you? I have to know who you are!" It's a good opener, but you
 can't sustain that level of excitement. Later on chicks start complaining
 the relationship doesn't have that much drive anymore. You have to remind
 them, "I'm the guy who ran up and said, "Who are you?'" And they always
 say, "Well, you never do that anymore." And you have to say, "Yes, and I
 still don't know who you are."
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's.  She was buying clothes and I was putting
 Slinkies on the escalator.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I'm excessively annoying.
%%
I'm excited about QFRONT! Ask Ed G about it!
%%
I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact.
%%
I'm fed up to here with being fed up to here.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
 -- George McGovern
%%
I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me!
%%
I'm feeling homicidal. Say anything!
%%
I'm feeling just great.
%%
I'm finding it difficult at the moment, with AIDS and everything. That's
 changed my lifestyle a lot. I used to go out every night, and try and get
 laid, and fail, and I'd call that sexual frustration. Now I go out every
 night and try and get laid, and fail, but I can call it a "healthy
 lifestyle."
 -- Simon Fanshawe
%%
I'm Fine: Howard Yu
%%
I'm fine.
 -- John 'Mad Dog' Matzka
%%
I'm firm. You're obstinate. He's a pigheaded fool.
%%
I'm fixin a hole where the rain gets out.
%%
I'm flexible... just don't change anything.
%%
I'm floating in a most peculiar way.
%%
I'm FLYING!, I'm FLYING!, I'm FL[THUD]
%%
I'm fond of children -- except for boys.
%%
I'm for bringing back spanking... for consenting adults.
%%
I'm forgiven. My brothers and sisters of the continuum have taken me back.
  I'm immortal again, omnipotent again.
Swell.
 -- Q and Riker, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
I'm for lust.
%%
I'm for peace--I've yet to see a man wake up in the morning and say, "I've
 just had a good war."
 -- Mae West
%%
I'm free to do what I want, any old time.
%%
I'm French!  Why do you think I have this outrageous accent?
%%
I'm frequently appalled by the low regard you Earthmen have for life.
 -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven," stardate 2822.3.
%%
I'm friends of the Daniels brothers..... Jack and Charlie!!!
%%
I'm from Downers Grove, Illinois. We had a blackout there the other day, but
 fortunately the police made him get back into his car before he got too far.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I'm from Georgia -- what country are YOU from?
%%
I'm from the IRS, and I'm here to help you.
%%
I'm from the IRS.  The government has spent all your
tax money.  Could we please have some more?
%%
I'm full of the spilled milk of human kindness.
%%
I'm galloping up Diarrhoea Drive without a saddle.
%%
I'm game. Would you care to explain how?
%%
I'm getting better but I forgot the subject!!
%%
I'm gifted, but only on my birthday!
%%
I'm giving up flying. I was at the airport and I saw a sign: "Take out
 insurance." I thought: If the lobby's that dangerous, imagine what it's
 like in the plane.
 -- Corbett Monica
%%
I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm glad my Mom was pro-life.
%%
I'm glad that ignorance is such bliss.
%%
I'm glad you asked me that. This gives me the perfect
opportunity to talk about the problems with this Congress...
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to reporter's
                   questions about his use of Air force 2 to
                   go on golf trips at the cost of $26,000/hour
%%
I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm gOCK TAGLINES
%%
I'm going doooown! Has anyone seen my upper arrow?
%%
I'm going insane and I'm taking you with me.
%%
I'm going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was.
He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective
we've had in a couple of hundred years.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle
%%
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor.  He's a very sick man.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
I'm going to disconnect your brain.
%%
I'm going to eat you little fishie; I'm going to eat you little
fishie; I'm going to eat you little fishie; 'cos I like eating fish!'
 -- Cat in Red Dwarf 'Better than life'
%%
I'm going to EUROPE this summer--but when I
GET BACK, I'll have TRAINING waiting for me
as a COMBAT ENGINEER !!!
Sound familiar?  Be all you can BE!
"Ya sluzhat v'Army!",
Russian for "I'm in the Army!"  (I serve in the Army)
 -- Brad Morrison
%%
I'm going to give up smoking, even if it kills me
%%
I'm going to happydance among the stars and wear my stripes anyway
I want to.
 -- Stripes the tiger
%%
I'm going to have you wrapped in a U.S. flag and burned personally by the
 President, in high octane American gasoline!
 -- The Firesign Theatre movie, J-Men Forever
%%
...I'm going to hit it with a stick.
%%
I'm going to Iowa for an award.  Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold
 out.  Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French government.  I'd
 give it all up for one erection.
 -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
%%
I'm going to keep going to these damned cons until I
have a one night stand
%%
I'm going to k-k-k-k-k-k-kill you K-k-k-k-k-k-ken!
%%
I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
 -- Spider Robinson
%%
I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to loose.
 -- S. I. Hayakawa
%%
I'm going to start living within my means. Even if I have to get a loan to
 do it.
 -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")
%%
I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
 -- George Burns
%%
 I'm gone.
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
I'm gonna be a monkey, monkey monkey muuuunkey!
 -- Stimpy
%%
I'm gonna, be making a call on the great white telephone.
%%
I'm gonna grow fins and go back into the water again.
%%
I'm gonna hit ya ... and you're gonna faaaaaall.
 -- Ren
%%
I'm gonna name my first child "Megaweapon"!
 -- MST3000
%%
I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you?
%%
I'm gonna wash that yam right outta my hair ...
%%
I'm good with kids, but I'm better without them!
%%
I'm GREAT at immaturity. I've been practicing for decades.
%%
"I'm great at love, but I'm lousy at commitment."
  "Commitment's nice. You'd like her.  She's got heavy legs, but
   she's a lotta laughs.  I met her at a wedding."
 -- Love & Guilt from above reference
%%
I'm grinning from 'ere to 'ere...
%%
I'm growing older, but not up.
 -- Jimmy Buffett
%%
I'm happy as a clam in heat .. in heat ??
%%
I'm hardware and don't know anything about software.
%%
I'm having a bad hair life.
%%
I'm Having A Ball Doing Nothing At All.
%%
I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm having a deja vu experience, just like last time.
%%
I'm having a mental energy crisis!
%%
I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS!
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
I'm having a mid-week experience
%%
I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!!  But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE
 in my PAJAMA POCKET??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm having an emotional outburst!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm having an old friend for dinner.
 -- H. Lecter
%%
I'm having a party in my pants. Want to come?
%%
I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE..  and I don't take any DRUGS
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm having a tax-deductible experience!  I need an energy crunch!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES
 of smug and wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm having one of those decades.
%%
I'm heavily armed, easily bored, and off my medication ...
%%
I'm heavily armed, off my medication and despise gender feminizts.
%%
I'm here because I'm not all there.
%%
I'm here to grovel before your wonderful Earth Alliance. <Londo<
%%
I'm here to question all your answers.
%%
I'm here to rescue you.
%%
:IMHO: // [from SF fandom via USENET; abbreviation for `In My Humble
   Opinion']  "IMHO, mixed-case C names should be avoided, as
   mistyping something in the wrong case can cause hard-to-detect
   errors --- and they look too Pascalish anyhow."  Also seen in
   variant forms such as IMNSHO (In My Not-So-Humble Opinion) and IMAO
   (In My Arrogant Opinion).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
IMHO: Iguanas Make Horrible...we can't think of a word for 'O'
%%
IMHO: In My Honest Opinion
%%
IMHO: In My Huge Orifice...?
%%
IMHO: In My Humble Opinion
%%
IMHO: Intellectualls Must Hold Office...?
%%
IMHO: Irascible Morons Have Orgasms...?
%%
I'm hopelessly addicted to my PC and modem!
%%
I'm hungry! I'm hungry!
 for good things to eat
 for Sugar Jets, Sugar Jets
 (whole toasted wheat)
 -- Advertisement
%%
I might as well exercise - I'm in a bad mood anyway.
%%
I might be any number of things, young lady.   As it happens,
   I am the Doctor.
 -- Hartnell Doctor, THE FIVE DOCTORS
%%
I might be fat but you are ugly and I can diet.
%%
I might be white but I ain't stupid.
 -- Stevie Ray Vaughn
%%
I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations
beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn
things.
 -- Dorothy Parker, The Portable, 1944
%%
IM: Imagine Memory
%%
..  I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM
 of a KOSHER DELI --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm immortal. I'm bored. Let's party.
%%
I'm immortal - so far.
%%
I'm immortal...so far.
 -- Earle Robinson
%%
I'm...I'm supposed to be dead.
 -- Yar to Picard, "Yesterday's Enterprise", stardate 43625.2
%%
I'm in a bad mood.
 -- WinError #3
%%
I'm in a class by myself.  Everyone else graduated.
%%
I'm in a good mood.
 -- WinError #4
%%
I'm in a groove now -- or is it a rut?
%%
I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
%%
I'm in charge here.
 -- Al Haig
%%
I'm incredibly jealous, but still glad for you.
%%
I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm in here for being crazy, not stupid.
%%
I'm in my own little world, but everybody knows me there.
%%
I'm innocent and haven't been read my rights!
%%
I'm in no rush to be a mother-in-law, just so long as it's before
I'm a grandma.
 -- Phyllis Friedl
%%
I'm in no shape to exercise!
%%
I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?
 -- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
%%
I'm in search of myself.  Have you seen me anywhere?
%%
I'm in shape ... a filled ellipse's a shape, isn't it?
%%
I'm in shape ... pear's a shape isn't it?
%%
I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
%%
I'm in shape ... square's a shape isn't it?
%%
I'm interested in the fact that the less secure a man
is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice.
 -- Clint Eastwood
%%
I'm in the computer business, I make Out-Of-Order signs.
%%
I'm into BBS&M.
%%
I'm into SOFTWARE!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm in total control, but don't tell my girlfriend.
%%
I miss Auntie Em so much!.....ToTo
%%
I missed my girlfriend... Then I reloaded...
%%
I miss my old chair.
 -- Kirk,  "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
Imitating Mozart: Sam Phony
%%
 (Imitating Mr.  Rogers:)  Hello.  I'm in the Neighborhood of
 Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone.  Can you
 leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone?
 Sure...  I knew you could.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
Imitation is suicide.
 -- Emerson
%%
Imitation is the flatteringest form of sincerity!
%%
Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism.
%%
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
 -- Fred Allen (1894-1956)
%%
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
 -- The New Mighty Mouse
%%
I'm jealous of the unborn's and the passed-on's.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'm Jewish, and Shabtai Zvi will return!
%%
I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - soon.
%%
I'm just about finished, just a coulple more seconds...
%%
I'm just a kitten in the litterbox of life.
%%
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
 -- Elaine Boosler
%%
I'm just a product of my own imagination....
%%
I'm just a revved up youth on a thrill-kill rampage.
%%
I'm just a victim of Gravity...
%%
I'm just catching up with yesterday
- by TOMORROW - I should be ready for today.
%%
I'm just confused....I USED to be amazed!
%%
I'm just glad humans have progressed beyond the need for such barbaric
  displays.
Have they? Commander Riker and his father are about to engage in
  barbarism of their own.
 -- Dr. Pulaski and Troi, "The Icarus Factor", stardate 42686.4
%%
I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary
Cooper.
 -- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in
 -- Gone With The Wind.
%%
I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is
 wearing out is something I call "image fuzz-out."  But I've never even seen a
 radarscope, so I wouldn't totally go by what I've just said here.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I'm just here for moral support. Ignore the gun.
%%
I'm just looking at your nametag, honest!
%%
I'm just naturally respectful of pretty girls in tight-fitting sweaters.
%%
I'm just needling you about the thread.
%%
I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
 -- John Lennon
%%
I'm just trying out this . It seems a bit small.
%%
I'm just trying out this tagline. It's not registered yet.
%%
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
 -- David Letterman
%%
I'm killing time, wasting space, and going through a
phase
%%
I'm kinda tired.  I was up all night trying to round off infinity.  Then I got
 bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I'm kind of lazy. I'm dating a pregnant woman.
 -- Ron Richards
%%
I'm kind of like Han Solo, always stroking his own wookie,
I'm the root of all that's evil, yeah but you can call me Cookie.
 -- The Bloodhound Gang.
%%
I'm leaving my BBS to Science Fiction.
%%
I'm leaving the apartment. But first I'm getting a thousand roaches. 'Cause
 it said in the rent book, "Leave the place as you found it."
 -- Dolly Allen
%%
I'm like a bad TSR; I keep popping up!
%%
I'm like a TSR...I get loaded before working.
%%
IML: Invoke Murphy's Laws
%%
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living
apart.
 -- e e cummings (1894-1962)
%%
"I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone
around for company."
  "Okay," replied God. "I'm going to give you the perfect woman. Beautiful,
intelligent and gracious - she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross
word."
  "Sounds good," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?"
  "An arm and a leg."
  "That's pretty steep," countered Adam. "What can I get for just a rib?"
%%
I'm looking for a computer with a Sex Drive.
%%
I'm looking for a cynical girl.
%%
I'm looking for a meaningful, one-night relationship.
%%
I'm looking for an Al, last name Coholic.
%%
I'm looking for freedom - can you direct me?
%%
I'm looking for lust in all the wrong places.
%%
I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least, Miss Right Now.
 -- Robin Williams
%%
I'm looking for myself. Anybody seen me lately?
%%
I'm Losing More Than I Ever Had.
%%
I'm losing my thought of train....
%%
I'm losin' it!
 -- Geordi
%%
I'm lost!  Can you help?....
%%
I'm lost in a Batch of BATs.
%%
I'm lysdexic...
%%
I'm mad and so am I!
%%
I'm mad as heck....where's the check!
%%
I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!
%%
I'm mad at you because you were someone else.
%%
I'm made of rubber,
 You're made of glue.
 Everything you say
 Bounces off me
 And sticks to you.
%%
I'm MAD! This 486 doesn't spel any beter then the XT!
%%
I'm making a career of evil.
%%
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
%%
Immanuel Kant ... but Gengis Khan.
%%
Immanuel Kant ... but Kubla Khan.
%%
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable.
%%
I'm married to a Computer Widow!
%%
I'm married to an English guy. He's a typical English guy. He's very
 reserved. In fact, it wasn't until after we were married that I actually
 knew he wanted to go out with me.
 -- Kit Hollerbach
%%
Immature love says: "I love you because I need you."  Mature love says
"I need you because I love you."
 -- Erich Fromm
%%
Immature poets imitate;  mature poets steal.
 -- T.S. Eliot
%%
I'm McBorg of Telix, no other program needs assimulation!
%%
I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my
 PERSONAL SPACE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm melting... Melting!
 -- Wicked witch of the west in "The wizard of Oz"
%%
I'm mentally OVERDRAWN!
%%
I'm mentally OVERDRAWN!  What's that SIGNPOST up ahead?
 Where's ROD STERLING when you really need him?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
IMMIGRANT, n.  An unenlightened person who thinks one country better
than another.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
 -- Jack Paar
%%
I'm Mike Levey and welcome to Amazing Discoveries.
%%
Imminent death of the Net predicted--GIFs at 11
%%
:Imminent Death Of The Net Predicted!: [USENET] prov. Since
   {USENET} first got off the ground in 1980--81, it has grown
   exponentially, approximately doubling in size every year.  On the
   other hand, most people feel the {signal-to-noise ratio} of
   USENET has dropped steadily.  These trends led, as far back as
   mid-1983, to predictions of the imminent collapse (or death) of the
   net.  Ten years and numerous doublings later, enough of these
   gloomy prognostications have been confounded that the phrase
   "Imminent Death Of The Net Predicted!" has become a running joke,
   hauled out any time someone grumbles about the {S/N ratio} or
   the huge and steadily increasing volume, or the possible loss of a
   key node or link, or the potential for lawsuits when ignoramuses
   post copyrighted material, etc., etc., etc.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Immodest words admit of no defence,
For want of decency is want of sense.
 -- Earl of Roscommon (1633-1684)
 -- Essay on Translated Verse, Line 113
%%
IMMORAL, adj.  Inexpedient.  Whatever in the long run and with regard
to the greater number of instances men find to be generally
inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.  If man's
notions of right and wrong have any other basis than this of
expediency; if they originated, or could have originated, in any other
way; if actions have in themselves a moral character apart from, and
nowise dependent on, their consequences -- then all philosophy is a
lie and reason a disorder of the mind.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Immorality will continue until beatings improve.
%%
Immoral Majority Charter Member.
%%
I'm more humble than you are!
%%
I'm morphing objects in another window.
%%
Immortal gods! how much does one man excel another! What a difference
there is between a wise person and a fool!
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2, 1, (232.)
%%
Immortal gods, I crave no pelf;
I pray for no man but myself;
Grant I may never prove so fond,
To trust man on his oath or bond.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Immortality -- a fate worse than death.
 -- Edgar A. Shoaff
%%
Immortality consists largely of boredom.
 -- Zefrem Cochrane, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3219.8.
%%
Immortality.  I notice that as soon as writers broach this
question they begin to quote.  I hate quotations.  Tell me what you
know.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), Journals May 1849
%%
Immortality is dead!
%%
Immortality lies not in the things you leave behind, but in the people
your life has touched.
%%
IMMORTALITY, n.
    A toy which people cry for,
    And on their knees apply for,
    Dispute, contend and lie for,
        And if allowed
        Would be right proud
    Eternally to die for.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I'm most _dreadfully_ embarrased !
 -- MofL
%%
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I'm much too young to feel this damned old.
 -- Any Time Lord.
%%
I'm multilingual: English, French, Chinese, Drobnik.
%%
I'm multitasking, not multiuser. Tell my boss.
%%
I'm N-ary the tree, I am,
N-ary the tree, I am, I am.
I'm getting traversed by the parser next door,
She's traversed me seven times before.
And ev'ry time it was an N-ary (N-ary!)
Never wouldn't ever do a binary.  (No sir!)
I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary.
N-ary the tree I am, I am,
N-ary the tree I am.
%%
I'm nervous and my socks are too loose.
%%
I'm never going to be famous.  My name will never be writ large on the
 roster of Those Who Do Things.  I don't do any thing.  Not one single
 thing.  I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
I'm never going to feel this way about anyone else.
You're right.
I didn't expect you to say that.
Oh, there will be others - but, the next time you feel love will be
  different. Each time is different.
Knowing that doesn't make it any easier.
It isn't supposed to.
 -- Wesley and Guinan, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
I'm never late--nothing starts without me!
%%
I'm never through with a girl until I've had her three ways.
 -- J. F. Kennedy
%%
I'm new and what's all this then?
%%
I'm new to Fido.  Can't quite get a Handle ON IT!
 -- ML
%%
I'm no housewife, try Domestic Engineer!
%%
I'm no Jack Kennedy, and the old lady sure as blazes isn't Jackie, either!
 -- Quayle Quote
%%
I'm no longer prepared to accept what people say and what's written in books,
I must think things out for myself, and try to find my own answer.
 -- Ibsen
%%
I'm no one's trophy!!!
 -- Constance Barr
%%
I'm NOT 30... I am 20 with 10 years experience!
%%
I'm NOT 36... I am 18 with 18 years experience!
%%
I'm NOT 40... I am 18 with 22 years experience!
%%
I'm not a big drinker. I just put away a lotta little ones. I mean to say
 I'm not a steady drinker--'cause I shake too much. My doctor tells me if I
 keep drinkin' I'll never see a ripe old age. But I don't believe the dear
 doctor. 'Cause every night I see more old drunkards than I see old doctors.
 -- Joe E. Lewis
%%
I'm not a breast man. I'm a breast *person*.
 -- jwh
%%
I'm not a cleric! They wanted me to be a cleric, but I refused. Party
needed a healer, they said. Hah! Fighters with all the brains of a doorknob
attack something twenty times their size, with a bizillion hit points, and
they expect ME to pull their heads out of their rib cages!
 -- Zifnab, "Elven Star"
%%
I'm not a complete idiot, several parts are missing!
%%
I'm not a computer nerd...I'm a computer JOCK!
%%
I'm not a crook; I'm "ethically challenged."
%%
I'm not a crook! Nixon said resignedly.
%%
I'm not a cultist... I just like sacrificing virgins for fun....
%%
I'm NOT addicted. I just use the modem all the time.
%%
I'm NOT addicted. I just watch hockey ALL the time.
%%
I'm not a dictator. It's just that I have a grumpy face.
%%
I'm not a D.J., but I play one on the radio.
%%
I'm not a doctor, although I play one on tv
%%
I'm not a FAN--I just read the stuff
%%
I'm not afraid of death. It's the make-over at the undertaker's that scares
 me ... They try to make you look as lifelike as possible, which defeats the
 whole purpose. It's hard to feel bad for somebody who looks better than you
 do.
 -- Anita Wise
%%
I'm not afraid of death!  What's it gonna do?  Kill me?
%%
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing.
%%
I'm not afraid of heights, I'm just afraid of falling from them.
%%
I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why?  It would
 take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun at me, let alone fire it.  And you
 know what I'm doing while they're aiming it at me?  I just sort of slip off to
 the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I'm not afraid of work...
 I can even sleep beside it.
%%
    I'm not against the police; I'm just afraid of them.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
I'm not against women.  Not often enough, anyway.
 -- Groucho Marx?
%%
I'm not a ghost!  I'm just dimensionally challenged.
%%
I'm not a god, I was misquoted.
 -- Lister, Red Dwarf
%%
I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pedantic and that's just
 as good.
 -- D Gary Grady
%%
I'm not a lawyer, but I play one on the guitar.
%%
I'm not a lawyer, but I play one on the violin.
%%
I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is.
%%
I'm not alone, but then I am...
 -- Robin Trower
%%
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
 -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
%%
I'm not a mercenary--killing's more of a hobby with me
%%
I'm not a minority. I'm an outnumbered majority!
%%
I'm not an acronym...  I'm a human being!  Err...  Oops.
%%
I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV.
%%
I'm not an airhead...I'm a cerebro-atmospheric individual.
%%
I'm not an alcoholic... I run on bio-fuel...
%%
I'm not an idiot, but I play one on the net.
%%
I'm not an Iranian!!  I voted for Dianne Feinstein!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm not an MCP!! Some of my best friends are bimbos.
%%
I'm not an opinionated jerk, I just act like that on Fido echos
%%
I'm not anti-religion, religion's anti-me.
%%
I'm not apathetic, I just don't give a damn.
%%
I'm not a photographer.  I just wear all this to lose weight.
%%
I'm not a programmer, but I play one at work.
 -- Gregg Parmentier
%%
I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.
%%
I'm not a pushover, believe me.  I laugh at
 HAMLET.
 -- Billy Wilder
%%
I'm not a real movie star.  I've still got the same wife I started out
  with twenty-eight years ago.
 -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
%%
I'm not a real sysop, I just play one on TV.
%%
I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT!
%%
I'm not as dumb as you look.
%%
I'm not a short person - I'm a tall elf.
%%
I'm not as innocent as I look!
%%
I'm not asking you to LIVE in sin, only to visit awhile..
%%
I'm not a slob ... I'm organizationally challenged ...
%%
I'm not as paranoid as you tell you everyone I am.
%%
I'm not a stranger, only a friend you haven't met.
%%
I'm not a sysop, although I play one on TV.
%%
I'm not a Sysop, but I know their "occasional" *pain*.
%%
I'm not a sysop, I just play one on the echoes.
%%
I'm not a System Administrator, but I play one on TV.
%%
I'm not a tease--teases make promises they don't keep.
I'm a flirt--I make no promises at all!
%%
 I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow.  So
 please leave a message after the tone.  I didn't take a shower
 today, and I might not take one tomorrow.  So if you don't leave
 a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in
 person.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
I'm not a utopian--I'd settle for a world where the
nice guys finish second last.
%%
I'm not available for comment..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm not a vampire.  I just eat like one.
%%
I'm not avoiding the question; I responded to the question.  I'm avoiding
 the answer.
 -- The Locker Gnome
%%
I'm not a witch doctor-- I'm only a folk medic.
%%
I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
%%
I'm not bad... I'm just drawn that way.
 -- Jessica Rabbit, WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?
%%
I'm not Bajoran.   Sisko punched me in the nose.
 -- Kira
%%
I'm not bald, I'm merly follicly challanged
%%
I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of
times I wish I could say I'm not white.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
I'm not black like Barry White though I am white like Frank Black is.
 -- The Bloodhound Gang.
%%
I'm not bossy, I merely have an instructional surfeit.
%%
I'm not breaking the rules--I'm just testing their elasticity.
%%
I'm not broke, I'm `finacially challenged'.
%%
I'm not Canadian, although I tend to like their bacon.
%%
I'm not Cheap - Just Frugal.
%%
I'm not cheap, you know.  Loud, but never cheap.
%%
I'm not complaining, I never complain, I only observe and muse.
%%
I'm not completely worthless, I can always serve as a bad.
%%
I'm not conceited, I just can't stand mortals.
%%
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of
 hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
 -- George Carlin
%%
I'm not confused, just well mixed.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
I'm not crazy. I just don't give a s#1t
%%
I'm not crazy. I just have a unique sense of reality.
%%
I'm not crazy. I'm chlorinated
%%
I'm not crazy. I'm just acting this way to annoy you.
%%
I'm not crazy. I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
%%
I'm not cynical about marriage or romance.  I enjoyed being married.
And although being single was fun for a while, there was always the risk
of dating someone who'd owned a lunch box with my picture on it.
 -- Shaun Cassidy, married at 21, divorced at 33.
%%
I'm not cynical. Just experienced.
%%
I'm not dead.
%%
I'm not dead. I'm electroencephelographically challenged.
%%
I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged.
%%
I'm not dead yet! I think I'll go for a walk.
%%
I'm not different--you all are just the same.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'm not dishonest, I'm morally different.
%%
I'm not drunk - I'm just motorfunctionally challenged
%%
I'm not expendible, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going!...
 -- Avon
%%
I'm not fat, I'm gravitationally challenged.
%%
I'm not fat, I'm just horizontally gifted.
%%
I'm not fat, I'm metabolically challenged!
%%
I'm not fat, just horizontally disproportionate.
%%
I'm not Flaming, I'm just Smoldering!
%%
I'm not gay but my Boyfriend is.
%%
I'm not gay, my husband is.
%%
I'm not getting fatter ! Just thickening with age.
%%
I'm not getting older, I'm getting stranger!
%%
I'm not getting paid much for staying alive but it's good experience.
%%
I'm not giving him a penalty for fighting! You didn't fight back!
%%
I'm not going to be anybody's puppet, particularly not my own.
 -- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
I'm not going to bed after all.  Somebody around here hath murdered sleep.
Good for him.
 -- J.D.Salinger
 -- Seymour:An Introduction
%%
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
 -- Ernest Hemingway (1889-1961)
%%
I'm not going to get side-tracked onto a tangent.
%%
I'm not going to make the same mistake once.
%%
I'm not going to sit here like a spare -- like a spare lemon
    waiting for the squeezer.
 -- Lethbridge-Stewart, THE DAEMONS
%%
I'm not happy, I'm cheerful.  There's a
 difference.  A happy woman has no cares at all.  A
 cheerful woman has cares but has learned how to
 deal with them.
 -- Beverly Sills
%%
I'm not happy until I've violated somebody's civil rights and then put them
 in jail. ... That ruins their day ... but it makes mine.
 -- Christopher Commission report of LAPD car-to-car computer message, 7/91
%%
I'm not homo-phobic, I'm homo-cidic....
%%
I'm not hostile! I'll kill the #%! that said that!
%%
I'm not illiterate.  I know what my parent's names are!
%%
I'm not illiterate!  My parents were married...
%%
I'm not imaginary--I'm ontologically challenged
%%
I'M NOT IN A #@#(*) BAD MOOD YOU #@#@(*  @#@*&#(@
%%
I'm not in a hurry - I just want to get in front of you.
%%
I'm not insensitive, I'm male.  See the difference?
%%
I'm not insensitive, I'm political-correctness challenged.
%%
I'm not intending to imply insult or judgment here but I am curious
to know in order to be able to respond to your posts in an appropriate
manner, so please forgive what appears to be, but in fact is not intended
as, an insulting question:
Are you stupid?
 -- Melinda Shore
%%
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
 -- Carol Leifer
%%
I'm not irresponsible--I'm out of control.
%%
I'm not judging you, I'm judging me!
 -- Mission of Burma
%%
I'm not just one of your snuggle-girls, Will.
 -- Beverly
%%
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you!
%%
I'm not lazy, I'm limiting my environmental impact!
%%
I'm not like other people.  You see, pain hurts me.
 -- Darkwing Duck
%%
I'm not living in the real world, I'm living in a magazine.
 -- Blondie
%%
I'm not loafing -- I'm just doing research on inertia.
%%
I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished.
%%
I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am.
%%
I'm not lost, I'm destination deficient.
%%
I'm not lost, I'm directionally indecisive.
%%
I'm not lost, I'm Geographically Challenged!
%%
I'm not lost - just misguided.
%%
I'm not lying.  I'm just avoiding the truth.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am.
%%
I'm not..no I am..no, I'm NOT indecisive.  Am I?
%%
I'm not okay, and neither are you as far as I'm concerned.
 -- Jon Lewis
%%
I'm not old, I'm a recycled teenager.
%%
I'm not old, I'm chronologically challenged.
%%
I'm not old, I'm chronologically gifted.
%%
I'm not only NYR's center, I'm also a client.
 -- Hair Club For Men ad
%%
I'm not only the hair club president; I'm a member!
%%
I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right!
%%
I'm not overweight, I'm undertall!
 -- Garfield
%%
I'm not panicking. I'm watching you panic.
It's much more entertaining.
%%
I'm not paranoid, everyone IS out to get me!
%%
I'm not paranoid, it's just that everyone else thinks I am.
 -- G Farber
%%
I'm not paranoid - just a student of history.
%%
I'm not paranoid. That's a rumor spread by my enemies.
%%
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you that?
%%
I'm not paranoid! Why's everyone say I'm paranoid?  REALLY, I'm not!
%%
I'm not picking my nose, I'm pointing to my brain.
%%
I'm not playing hard to get. I AM HARD TO GET!
%%
I'm not politically correct. I'm ideologically approved!
%%
I'm not politically incorrect - you're ideologically sheltered.
%%
I'm not quite dead yet, sir!
%%
I'm not really a cowboy.  I just found the hat...
%%
I'm not really a lesbian -- it's a career move.
%%
I'm not really bad. I just write messages that way.
%%
I'm not religious. God willing, I never will be.
%%
I'm not repeating myself. I'm not repeating myself.
%%
I'm not round. I'm an oblate spheroid.
%%
I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged".
%%
I'm not saying that the Ministry of Defence in London does not have the
 whole picture of what is going on, but they only have a partial one.
%%
I'm not saying this woman is stupid--but when the wind blows, her forehead
 buckles in ... And my cousin, well, he wasn't too bright, I guess. Chickens
 teased him.
 -- Brett Butler
%%
I'm not saying we won't get our hair mussed a bit..
 -- Dr. Strangelove
%%
I'm NOT schizo!  Oh, yes I AM!
%%
I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I.
%%
I'm not schizophrenic, I'm mentally multitasking!
%%
I'm not schizophrenic, I'm "multi-faceted"
%%
I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me!
%%
I'm not Schizophrenic! Yes I am! No I'm Not! Who are you?
%%
I'm not selling out--I'm buying in.
%%
I'm not short and heavy, I'm just traveling near the speed of light.
%%
I'm not shy--I'm studying my prey.
%%
I'm not single, I'm just matrimonially challenged.
%%
I'm not so much human as cat furniture.
%%
I'm not so sure that I will miss Johnny Carson, but Johnny Carson will
miss me.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle (reported in the Houston
                   Chronicle, 5/22/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly,
                   Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
I'm not so think as you drunk I am!
%%
I'm not spoiled...I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!
%%
I'm not square, I'm "culturally challenged".
%%
I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not going.
 -- Ker Avon
%%
I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not gophering.
%%
I'm not stupid, just informationaly impaired!
%%
I'm not super man. But I am very dense.
%%
I'm not sure, but he seems to be inordinately fond of beetles.
 -- J.B.S. Haldane,
 -- when asked what has the study of biology had taught him about the Creator
%%
I'm not sure I'm up for a "Murphy Brown" appearance yet. I'm not sure
that they want a guest appearance by me either... Well, I'd consider
it.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle on Larry King Live.
                   He also said that he'd make a guest appearance as long
                   as his point of view wasn't censored.
                   (CNN, July 22, 1992)
%%
I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those
with the most opinions often have the fewest facts.
 -- Bethania McKenstry
%%
I'm not sure officer.. He just said FAX ME UP SCOTTIE..
%%
I'm not sure of what I should do -- when every thought I'm thinking of is you
%%
"I'm not SURE that that makes sense, DM."
  "Well, it is a CARTOON, sir..."
 -- Dangermouse
%%
I'm not sure where we are, Toto, but I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!
 -- Dorothy Gale in "The wizard of Oz"
%%
I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
%%
I'm not that easy to get rid of.
 -- Turlough, MAWDRYN UNDEAD
%%
I'm not the fastest programmer, but I'm the most careful.
%%
I'm not the heroic type.  I was beaten up by Quakers.
 -- Woody Allen, Sleeper
%%
I'm not the man I thought I was, but then again, I may be more...
%%
I'm not the one who misplaced the Deltivid Asteroid Belt.
 -- Q to Q2
%%
I'm not the world's greatest lover, but eigth place ain't bad.
%%
I'm not thrilled about flying.... We don't know how old the airplanes are
 and there's really no way for us to tell, 'cause we're laymen. But I figure
 if the plane smells like your grandmother's house, get out. That's where I
 draw the line.
 -- Garry Shandling
%%
I'm not trying to be hostile... It's just an attitude adjustment.
%%
I'm not ugly.  I'm just aesthetically challenged.
%%
I'm not unemployed, I'm indefinately leisured.
%%
I'm not unemployed--I'm looking for the perfect job.
%%
I'm Not Very Smart But I Can Lift Really Heavy Things!
%%
I'm not wearing any underwear. Film at 11.
%%
I'm not white, I'm just melanin disadvantaged.
%%
I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the
 thousands out there marked 'Occupant.'
%%
I'm not yelling--I'm just raising my voice.
 -- T. K. Kelly
%%
I'm not young enough to know it ALL, like some people.
%%
I'm now running a "re-engineered" 20 MHz SX!
%%
"I'm nuts about knots."
 -- Seen on a Scouter bumper sticker
%%
I'm objective; I object to everything.
%%
I modem down, but they grew back.
%%
I'm off to the queen.
Shall I come too, my lord?
No...better not, people might think we're friends.
 -- Edmund and Percy : Head
%%
I'm off to wax the shuttlecraft!  Anyone got a tribble I can use?
%%
I'm often asked the question, "Do you think there is extraterrestrial
intelligence?"  I give the standard arguments -- there are a lot of places
out there, and use the word *billions*, and so on.
And then I say it would be astonishing
to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as
yet no compelling evidence for it.  And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you
really think?"  I say, "I just told you what I really think."  "Yeah, but
what's your gut feeling?"  But I try not to think with my gut.  Really, it's
okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in.
 -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer,
 -- Vol. 12, Fall 87
%%
I'm okay and you're okay... but I'm more okay than you.
%%
I'm okay-It's only a flesh wound. Get that file uploaded!
%%
I'm OK, you're OK.
%%
I'm omnipotent--ask me how.
%%
I'm on a plane and it hits me: When did it become a federal regulation that
 you have to have at least seven crying babies on every flight? I just want
 to know: Where are they going? Why are they on planes? They have no
 appointments, they were born just days ago. Our times are so hectic that
 babies are born and go, "I just popped out of the womb, I gotta dry up,
 learn to breathe--I'll be on the two o'clock, it's the best I can do ..."
 -- Paul Reiser
%%
I'm on a seafood diet.  I see food and I eat it.
%%
I'm on decaffeinated prozac.
%%
I'm one-of-a-kind. (Just what kind, nobody's really sure.)
%%
I'm one of the few to ever throw a javelin two hundred yards ... Well,
 actually I only threw it one hundred yards. The guy it hit crawled the
 other hundred.
 -- Jose Jimenez (Bill Dana)
%%
I'm one with the Universe---on a scale from 1 to 10.
%%
I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler.
%%
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Candida, Act III
%%
I'm only a hypnotist, so this is only a suggestion.
%%
I'm only a hypochondriac when I'm feeling sick.
%%
I'm only happy when I'm watching a hockey game.
%%
I'm only happy when I worry about stuff.
%%
I'm only here for the Beer...
%%
I'm only here for the oxygen.
%%
I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me.
%%
I'm only sixteen! I'm too young to be freeze dried!
%%
I'm only telling you this for your own good...
%%
I'm on that like white on rice.
%%
I'm on the Bleeding Edge of Technology!
%%
I'm on the Brute Squad.
 -- You *are* the Brute Squad!
%%
I'm on the crest of a slump.
%%
I 'm on the sea! I 'm on the sea!
I am where I would ever be,
With the blue above and the blue below,
And silence wheresoe'er I go.
 -- Bryan W. Procter (1787-1874)
 -- The Sea
%%
I'm on the trailing edge of technology.
%%
I'm opposed to millionares, but it would be dangerous to
offer me the position.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
I moreover affirm that our wisdom itself, and wisest consultations,
for the most part commit themselves to the conduct of chance.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
I'm out of bed and dressed.  What more do you want?
%%
I'm out of the loop, and that's the way I like it.
%%
I'm outstanding in my field (left field) knee deep in BS.
%%
I moved into an all-electric house.  I forgot and left the porch light on all
 day.  When I got home the front door wouldn't open.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I moving to fast for you?
No, I'm moving to fast for me.
I like that better.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about you all day.
You must have had a nice day.
Anticipation is fun.
 -- Devinoni Rai and Troi, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
I'm pagan too!   [on pentacle]
%%
IMPALE, v.t.  In popular usage to pierce with any weapon which remains
fixed in the wound.  This, however, is inaccurate; to imaple is,
properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the
body, the victim being left in a sitting position.  This was a common
mode of punishment among many of the nations of antiquity, and is
still in high favor in China and other parts of Asia.  Down to the
beginning of the fifteenth century it was widely employed in
"churching" heretics and schismatics.  Wolecraft calls it the "stoole
of repentynge," and among the common people it was jocularly known as
"riding the one legged horse."  Ludwig Salzmann informs us that in
Thibet impalement is considered the most appropriate punishment for
crimes against religion; and although in China it is sometimes awarded
for secular offences, it is most frequently adjudged in cases of
sacrilege.  To the person in actual experience of impalement it must
be a matter of minor importance by what kind of civil or religious
dissent he was made acquainted with its discomforts; but doubtless he
would feel a certain satisfaction if able to contemplate himself in
the character of a weather-cock on the spire of the True Church.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Imparadis'd in one another's arms.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 506
%%
I'm paranoid about everything. Even at home, on my stationary exercise
 bike, I have a rearview mirror ... This is rumor, but one of my uncles said
 that apparently at birth I snuck out. He said I turned around and looked
 over my shoulder as I came out of the womb. I was paranoid, I thought maybe
 someone was following me.
 -- Richard Lewis
%%
Impartial, adj.: Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting
opinions.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I'm part of the 57% that didn't vote for Clinton.
%%
I'm part Scotch -- and part water . . .
%%
Impatience dires the blood sooner than age or sorrow.
 -- Creon
%%
Impatient straight to flesh his virgin sword.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xx, Line 461
%%
Impeach Clinton now.  Avoid the rush in '96.
%%
IMPEACH HILLARY!!!
%%
Impeach Hillary she is bad for our health!
%%
Impeach the Clinton's! NO, LYNCH THEM!!
%%
Impeach the President!  (And her husband, too.)
%%
Impeccable: having immunity to woodpeckers.
%%
Impeccable: Unable to be eaten by a chicken.
 -- Ray Hand
%%
I'm pedalling as fast as I can.
%%
IMPENITENCE, n.  A state of mind intermediate in point of time between
sin and punishment.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Impenitent Order of the Mystic Cesspool.
%%
I'm perfectly willing to be judged.
But only by God and history.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Imperious Caesar, dead and turn'd to clay,
Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
IMPG: IMPress Girlfriend
%%
IMPIETY, n.  Your irreverence toward my deity.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
IMP: Imitate Monty Python
%%
I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam.
%%
implementation - a sorrowful statement by a very small person.
%%
Implementation is the fruitless struggle by the
talented and underpaid to fulfill promises made by the rich
and ignorant.
%%
Implementation is the sincerest form of flattery.
%%
Implementing systems is 95% boredom and 5% sheer terror.
%%
Implied
Subjection, but requir'd with gentle sway,
And by her yielded, by him best receiv'd,--
Yielded with coy submission, modest pride,
And sweet, reluctant, amorous delay.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 307
%%
Implores the passing tribute of a sigh.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 20
%%
**** IMPORTANT ****  ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ****
Due to a recent systems overload error your recent disk files have been
erased.  Therefore, in accordance with the UNIX Basic Manual, University of
Washington Geophysics Manual, and Bylaw 9(c), Section XII of the Revised
Federal Communications Act, you are being granted Temporary Disk Space,
valid for three months from this date, subject to the restrictions set forth
in Appendix II of the Federal Communications Handbook (18th edition) as well
as the references mentioned herein.  You may apply for more disk space at any
time. Disk usage in or above the eighth percentile will secure the removal
of all restrictions and you will immediately receive your permanent disk
space. Disk usage in the sixth or seventh percentile will not effect the
validity of your temporary disk space, though its expiration date may be
extended for a period of up to three months.  A score in the fifth percentile
or below will result in the withdrawal of your Temporary Disk space.
%%
Important: as of next tuesday Common-Lisp will use square
brackets instead of parentheses. Update your files!
%%
IMPORTANT!! Dont't read this.  It doesn't say much.
%%
Important Fact from Galactic History, Number One: (reproduced from the
"Siderial Daily Mentioner's Book of Popular Galactic History")

The night sky over the planet Krikkit is the least interesting sight in
the entire Universe.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Important ideas are those that lie within the allowable scope of nature's laws.
%%
Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail.  Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the
Boss is reading it.
 -- Barnard's Law of Correspondance
%%
Important note: The Anti-Social Committee will not be meeting this week.
%%
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS:
The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back
into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently
Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.
%%
Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially
when people are looking.
 -- Charles Fetridge
%%
Imports are ports very far inland.
%%
IMPOSITION, n.  The act of blessing or consecrating by the laying on
of hands -- a ceremony common to many ecclesiastical systems, but
performed with the frankest sincerity by the sect known as Thieves.

    "Lo! by the laying on of hands,"
        Say parson, priest and dervise,
    "We consecrate your cash and lands
        To ecclesiastical service.
    No doubt you'll swear till all is blue
    At such an imposition.  Do."
                                                          Pollo Doncas
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I'm positively enameled with this subject.
%%
I'm *positive* Rush Limbaugh is an idiot!
%%
Impossible, adj.:
     (1) I wouldn't like it and when it happens I won't approve;
(2) I can't be bothered; (3) God can't be bothered.  Meaning (3) may
perhaps be valid but the others are 101% whaledreck.
 -- Chad C. Mulligan, The Hipcrime Vocab
%%
Impossible - adj. Nailing Jello to a tree.
%%
Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Impossible, I tested it! It can't fire a missile like that!
%%
IMPOSTOR n.  A rival aspirant to public honors.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Impotent:  Distinguished; well known...
%%
I'm practicing assertiveness.  Do you think that's okay?
%%
I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday
 life.
%%
Impressive; but how big's your dick?
%%
Impressive demonstration, isn't it.
Demonstration? It tried to kill us.
 -- The Peddler and Picard, "Arsenal of Freedom", stardate 41798.2
%%
I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT!  Am I doing it correctly??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS
 instead of RICARDO MONTALBAN!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Imprisoned in .QWK file!  Send the ZIP army!
%%
I'm probably crazy.  Either that or its just the hormones.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'm probably going to get hit for this one but... I couldn't resist...
%%
I'm Pro-Choice!  And I chose WildCat!
%%
Impropriety is the soul of wit.
 -- Somerset Maugham
%%
I'm PROUD to be a CARBON-BASED life form!
%%
I'm Proud To Be An Expert Tagline Thief!
%%
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
 -- I could be just as proud for half the money.
 -- Arthur Godfrey
%%
I'm proud to have been a part of your moral decline.
%%
Improve a mechanical device and you may double productivity.  But
  improve man, you gain a thousandfold.
 -- Khan Noonian Singh, "Space Seed," stardate 3142.8.
%%
Improved - didn't work the second time.
%%
Improve mail delivery... mail the posties their pay!!
%%
Improve man, you gain a thousandfold.
%%
Improve response time -- go home.
%%
Improve the average conversation: Constantly reply "I don't know".
%%
Improve your environment, using a wand of rearrangement.
%%
Improve your memory, forget about work.
%%
IMPROVIDENCE, n.  Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues
of to-morrow.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
IMPUNITY, n.  Wealth.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of ``BOWLING WORLD''
 while my wife and two children stand QUIETLY BY..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot.
 -- J. D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye"
%%
I'm rated PG-34!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm reading this by the warm glow of my dog.
%%
I'm ready to leap NOW!
%%
I'm ready to travel at WARP speed!
%%
I'm ready.
 --  Vice President Dan Quayle describing his ability to take over
 -- the presidency after President Bush vomits and collapses in Tokyo,
 -- 1/8/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I'm really bouncing with joy today.
%%
I'm really concerned about my wife since we moved to California. She's
 gotten kind of kinky. She likes to tie me up and then go out with someone
 else.
 -- Tom Dreesen
%%
I'm really enjoying my stay on earth.
%%
I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again
 real soon, okay?
%%
I'm really sorry about always saying I'm really sorry.
%%
I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm related to people I don't relate to.
 -- Calvin
%%
I'm RELIGIOUS!!  I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!!
 Equip me with MISSILES!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm reporting for duty as a modern person.  I want to do
 the Latin Hustle now!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm Retired: Fishing IS my job!
%%
I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it
(your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage.
 -- English Professor, Providence College
%%
I'm rich and you aren't, so there!
 -- J. Pierpont Flathead, Bank of Zork
%%
I'm right 13.2% of the time.  Why worry about the other 85%?
%%
I'm Ronald Goldman who the hell arhgkhjgvftyu@%4r578^#%& NO CARRIER
%%
I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
%%
I'm running out of tagline materials!  Help!
%%
I'm Rush Limbaugh's Homosexual Liberal Democratic Lover.
%%
I'm Rush Limbaugh's Liberal Democratic domestic partner.
%%
I'm saving my money for when they get Phaser Printers!
%%
I'm saying nothing and I'm saying it
 -- John Cage
%%
I'm Scared!: Emma Fraid
%%
I'm scared of sex now. You have to be. You can get something terminal, like
 a kid.
 -- Wendy Liebman
%%
I'm self-employed, and my boss is a bastard.
%%
I'm self-employed, and my boss is a bitch.
%%
I'm sending over a hand. Maybe an arm will come later.
Maybe a body will come with it.
 -- [On phone to the x-ray technician]
%%
I'm Serfectly Pober.
%%
I'm serious; it was a joke.
%%
I'm shaving!!  I'M SHAVING!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm shooting forward at the speed of 60 minutes per hour.
%%
I'm shouting again.  I've got to watch that.
 -- One of said invaders worrying about appearances....
%%
I'm sick and tired of all this sex on the telly! I keep falling off.
 -- Monty Python
%%
I'm sick of being trodden on!  The Elder Gods say they can make me a man!
All it costs is my soul!  I'll do it, cuz NOW I'M MAD!!!
 -- Necronomicomics #1, Jack Herman & Jeff Dee
%%
I'm sick of Elders. Am I covered under the health plan?
%%
I'm sick of Hillary.  Am I covered under the health plan?
%%
I'm sick of liberals...Hillary, am I covered for that?
%%
I'm sick of reading these cookies...  Especially
when they are as useless as this one...
 -- Yoshi
%%
I'm sitting in a bar, having a drink. Over here is a man having a drink. He
 falls down three times. I pick him up each time. I said, "Bartender, where
 does this guy live? I'll give him a lift home."

 He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, open
 the back door, put him in the back seat. He falls down. I get to the
 address they gave me. I pull him out, he falls down three more times. I
 pick him up each time. I knock on the door. "Mrs. Phillips, I brought your
 husband home." She says, "Where's his wheelchair?"
 -- Henny Youngman
%%
I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN..  To me, it's ENJOYABLE..
 I'm WARM..  I'm VIBRATORY..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I 'm sitting on the stile, Mary,
  Where we sat side by side.
 -- Lady Dufferin (1807-1867)
 -- Lament of the Irish Emigrant
%%
I'm Smoketoomuch.
%%
I'm SMOKING the Dragon...
%%
I'm so bored, I'm starting to miss her.
%%
I'm so close to hell I can almost see Vegas!
%%
I'm so conservative I even press my socks...
%%
I'm so cool I can hardly bear to gaze upon my wonderful
contenance in the morning, but it does get easier with age
and wisdom
%%
I'm so excited all six of my nipples are tingling.
 -- The Cat
%%
I'm SO far out in the boonies that even 911 is a long distance call.
%%
IMSO FNY
%%
I'm so free of fault, nature rewarded me by making me perfect!
%%
I'm so full of joie de vivre.
%%
I'm so glad I don't like asparagus, said the small girl to a
 sympathetic friend. Because if I did, I should have to eat it, and I
 can't bear it!
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
I'm so glad to see you!  I've run out of people to torment.
%%
I'm so horney even the crack of Dawn isn't safe!
%%
I'm so hungry, I could eat a vegetable.
%%
I'm so hungry, I could eat a...  wait!  Come back, Scheibe.
%%
I'm so hyper...(said with a very dull voice)
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I'm so in touch with my inner child that my condoms are made by Fisher-Pricer.
%%
I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins.
%%
I'm so lonesome in the saddle since my horse died.
%%
I'm Someone Else: Ima Nonymous
%%
I'm So Miserable Without You It's Almost Like Having You Around.
 -- Kip Addotta
%%
I'm so nervous, I just sit and smile.
%%
I'm so nervous, yesterday I got a fingernail transplant!
%%
I'm SO nice, that when I step in it I don't say it.
%%
I'm sorry, baby. You want monogamy? Marry a swan.
 -- HEARTBURN
%%
I'm sorry, but a unicorn doesn't work like a mule
%%
I'm sorry, but I could swear you just called me a MACRO!
%%
I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that. I'm all out of Taglines.
%%
I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
 -- HAL 9000
%%
I'm sorry, did I assassinate your penguin?
%%
I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?
%%
I'm sorry, I become inaudible when I am shy.
%%
I'm sorry, I can't see you Saturday. I'm expecting a headache.
%%
I'm sorry if the correct way of doing things offends you.
%%
I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry.
%%
I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to argue any more.
%%
I'm sorry Mrs. Bobbitt, you can't send that in the mail.
%%
I'm sorry, my IQ's over 80. You wouldn't be interested.
%%
I'm sorry sir, the cat's eaten it.
%%
I'm sorry sir, there must have been a microconverter malfunction!
%%
I'm sorry sir, we can't seem to find the corkscrew !
%%
I'm sorry. Thank you for playing. Next contestant.
%%
I'm sorry, this is becoming a speech.
You're the Captain, sir. You're entitled.
 -- Picard and Troi, "Code of Honor", stardate 41235.25
%%
I'm sorry...were the voices in my head bothering you?
%%
I'm sorry, what does "Off-topic" mean?
%%
I'm sorry, you are not cleared for that information.
%%
I'm sorry. You have been temporarily disconnected!
%%
I'm sorry. You're not cleared of your penalty, yet.
%%
I'm sort of getting tired of being elvis presley.
 -- Elvis
%%
I'm So Skeptical, I Can Hardly Believe It.
%%
I'm spending more time at this library in four days than I did at the
Eureka College Library in four years.
 -- Ronald Reagan during the opening ceremonies
 -- for the library that will house his White House papers.
%%
I'm starting a war for peace!
%%
I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and
 they sent up two hookers.
 -- Bill Maher
%%
I'm stealing back to my same old used to be.
 -- Arlo Guthrie
%%
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
 -- Luis Bunuel
%%
I'm still searching for myself.
%%
I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted!
 Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the
 psychiatrist, I said, "Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army
 in five minutes." He said, "You're crazy!" I said, "Write it down!"
 -- Jackie Mason
%%
I'm still the same old Dax, more or less.
 -- Dax
%%
I'm *still* waiting to see Julia Child prepare roast roadkill.
%%
I'm such an *asshole*!
I know how you feel, Chris... And you're right.
%%
I'm suffering from mood poisoning - must be something I hate
 -- Taken from 'Wild Palms'
%%
I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's
%%
I'm sure it's in the manual somewhere...
%%
I'm sure it's right whether it's valid or not.
%%
I'm sure nobody walks much faster than I do!
He can't do that, said the King, or else he'd have been here first.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
I'm sure that I'm confused about being sure..
%%
I'm sure that it's clearly explained in the DSZ .DOC ...
%%
I'm surprised that your skull doesn't implode from the vacuum.
%%
I'm surprised there aren't more solipsists!
%%
I'm surrounded by idiots!
%%
I'm taking last week back to the store, and I won't
even ask for a refund
%%
I'm taking one from the top shelf," he said highhandedly.
%%
I'm talented and flexible.  I could play Hamlet,
 even though I look like King Kong.
 -- Mr. T
%%
I'm telling you, they are EVERYWHERE!
%%
I'm tenured, there's almost nothing you can do about it.
(after making a mistake in sign convention)
%%
I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid you're just a mirage.
%%
I'm the Descartes of anxiety.  I panic, therefore I am.
 -- Richard Lewis
%%
I'm the Doctor... gotta love me.
 -- Bashir
%%
I'm the guy with one star, 2 G's, 2 Nodes and one Saviour
%%
I'm the head waiter.  This is a vegetarian restaurant only.
We serve no animal flesh of any kind.  We're not only proud
of that, we're ... smug about it.
 -- Monty Python
%%
I'm the leader, which way did they go?
%%
"I'm the luckiest rabbit in the WORLD!  I'm going
 to work for you, my hero... DICK DUCK, DUCK DICK!"
 -- A slight mistake in BULLET CROW
%%
I'm the most dangerous thing around--white trash with brains.
%%
I'm the normal one, everybody ELSE is weird.
%%
I'm the NRA, militia, a voter, and pissed off.
%%
I'm the one from the registry office.
%%
I'm the one who's got to die when its time for me to die, so let me live
 my life the way I want to.
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
I'm the only individual of my kind.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'm the only one in my neighborhood who has a life-size map of the
 United States. When people ask me where I live, I tell them E-5.
%%
I'm the person your mother warned you about.
%%
I'm the silly green duck with an ego the size of Cleveland.
%%
I'm the Vice-President. They know it, and they know that I know it.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about his political enemies, 3/13/89
 -- (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
          __      __
         (  \    /  )
          \  \  /  /
           \  \/  /
            \ ___/
            //  __))
           {/  /(_/ )
           (   ) (_/
            \     /
             \   /
              | |
 I'm the Walrus, I'm the eggman ............
%%
I'm the world's first fully-functioning homicidal artist.
 -- The Joker in the BATMAN movie
%%
I'm the world's foremost authority on my own opinion
%%
I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and
 computer-generated IMAGE FORMATIONS..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm thinking! I'm thinking!
%%
I'm thinking of a number between 1 & 6 million. Guess it.
%%
I'm thinking of starting my own talk radio show. I'll spout simplistic
opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and
generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog
. . . imagine getting paid to act like a six year old!
 -- Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
%%
   "I'm through with takin' falls
    And bouncing off the walls;
    Without that gun
    I'd have some fun
    And kick you in the..."
"NOSE!"
       "Nose?  Dat don't rhyme
wit 'walls'!"
   "No, but THIS does!"
>*KRUNCH!*<
 -- Eddie Valiant in ROGER RABBIT
%%
I'm tiny, I'm toony, and I'm a little looney!
%%
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's
 deep enough. What do you want--an adorable pancreas?
 -- Jean Kerr
%%
I'm tired of being a sex symbol!
%%
I'm tired of thinking up new taglines
%%
I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout...but, GO HABS GO!
%%
I'm too busy to get organized.
%%
I'm too busy to waste time leaving a tagline.
%%
I'm too old and incontinent-oops-incompetent.
%%
I'm too old for baby toys. What's in it for me?
%%
I'm too old for Santa Claus, and I don't believe in Batman.
 -- From JON SABLE, FREELANCE
%%
I'm too old to die young, and too young to die now.
 -- Warren Zevon
%%
I'm too sexy for meiosis.
%%
I'm too sexy for my head!
 -- Worf
%%
I'm too sexy for myself.
%%
I'm too sexy for this BBS, too sexy for this @#$% NO CARRIER
%%
I'm too sexy for this class.
%%
I'm too sexy for this conference!
%%
I'm too sexy for this echo, too sexy for this echo.....
%%
I'm too sexy for this party.
%%
I'm too sexy to read the docs....
%%
I'm too sexy! You know what I mean!
%%
I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people
 I don't know.
 -- Garry Shandling
%%
I'm too simple to have a complex ... So I have a simplex.
%%
I'm too skeptical to deny the possibility of anything...
%%
I'm too smart to let my intelligence go to my head.
%%
I'm too tired to distinguish truth from reality.
 -- Ken Herrity
%%
I'm too white and too male.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of CHICKEN..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm treating two sets of siamese twins with split personalities.
I'm being paid by eight people.
 -- Woody Allen, Zelig
%%
I'm trying to find myself.  Has anyone seen me lately?
%%
I'm trying to make a very careful random choice.
%%
I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
 -- Curly
%%
I'm trying to think of a good one!!!!
%%
I'm try'n to protect what I keep inside..
%%
I'm turning you in to the SPCA!
%%
 I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an
 out-of-the-body experience.  In fact I'm standing right behind
 you and I can hear everything you say.  But leave me a message
 anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
I'm unemployed.  Afraid to steal and too proud to run for Congress.
%%
I'm unsafe at any speed.
%%
I'm up to my ASCII in files
%%
I'm used to dogs. When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose
 in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key
 eight hours later. A cat would never put up with that kind of rejection.
 When you returned, she'd stalk you until you dozed off and then suck the
 air out of your body.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
I'm user friendly, I don't byte -- I nybble.
%%
I'm using a ram disk with my virtual memory, isn't technology wonderful!
%%
I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the
 INNER WORKINGS of this POTATO!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night.
%%
I must be BLIND because I sure don't 'C'
%%
I must become a borrower of the night
For a dark hour or twain.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I must be cruel, only to be kind:
Thus bad begins, and worse remains behind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
I must be out of my mind.
Starfleet would probably agree with you.
 -- Picard and Pulaski, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
"I must do something" will always solve more problems than,
"Something must be done."
%%
I Must Fix the Car!: Otto Doit
%%
I must follow him through thick and thin.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a, star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a gray mist on the sea's face and a gray dawn breaking.
 -- John Masefield, Sea Fever, first stanza.
%%
I must go seek some dew-drops here, And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
I must have a mind like a steel seive!
%%
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "The Innocents Abroad"
%%
I must have a rapier wit; everyone keeps parrying.
%%
I must have liberty
Withal, as large a charter as the wind,
To blow on whom I please.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
I must have slipped a disk - my pack hurts.
%%
I must invent my own philosophical systems,
 or else be enslaved by other mens'
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
I must look to my own dear tiny darling to sustain me in my frail
  dotage.
But Father, surely...
Yes, Kate. I want you to become a prostitute.
 -- Kate and her father : Bells
%%
I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little death
that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will permit
it to pass over me and through me.  And when it has gone past I will
turn the inner eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there
will be nothing.  Only I will remain.
 -- Frank Herbert, _Dune_
%%
I must remind myself to think bad thoughts.
%%
I must say, Captain, I've got to admire your balls!
...Perhaps later.
 -- Perkins and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
I must say that I have a very good reason for bein' loaded tonight. I been
 drinkin' all day!
 -- Foster Brooks
%%
I must say, when the doorman where I live puts up the Christmas tree in the
 lobby, he has the same friendly smile for those who have remembered him at
 Christmas and those who have not. Except that when he trims the tree, if
 you have not, there you are on the tree, hanging in effigy.
 -- Selma Diamond
%%
I must say, you look *maahvelus*.
 -- Fernando (Billy Crystal) on SNL
%%
I must stand up in search of the truth, if I don't I only roll with
the flow of the lie and make it stronger.
 -- Sovereign
%%
I must stop here... my fingers are hoarse.
%%
I must warn you that anything you say will be ignored.
 -- Monty Python
%%
I'm usually awake near the end of the day.
%%
"I'm very brave, generally," he went on in a low voice: "only today I happen to
have a headache."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
 -- Gilbert & Sullivan, Pirates of Penzance
%%
I'm very insecure--I get depressed when I find out the people I hate don't
 like me. I'm kind of paranoid too. I often think the car in front of me is
 following me the long way around.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
I 'm very lonely now, Mary,
  For the poor make no new friends;
But oh they love the better still
  The few our Father sends!
 -- Lady Dufferin (1807-1867)
 -- Lament of the Irish Emigrant
%%
I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't
 look at other moms.
 -- Garry Shandling
%%
I'm very sorry, Master, but that WAS the backup system.
 -- Slave
%%
   I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical, / I
understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, / About
binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot of news-- / With many
cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
 -- Gilbert & Sullivan - The Pirates of Penzance
%%
IMV: IMpress Visitors
%%
I'm waitin' fo' 20Mb FLOPPIES.  Right On!
%%
I'm waiting for the 50 mhz 686.
%%
I'm waiting for Windows v4.0! [aka Windows95]
%%
I'm walking to work this morning and it's a lovely spring day, and I'm
 walking up Sixth Avenue and I see one of those mime performers. So the mime
 is doing that famous mime routine where he's pretending to be trapped in a
 box. So I stand there and watch the mime pretend to be trapped in a box.
 And he finishes up, and thank God, he wasn't really trapped in a box. And I
 see on the sidewalk there he's got a little hat for money--dollars, change,
 tips, donations, contributions. So I went over and I pretended to put a
 dollar bill in his hat.
 -- David Letterman
%%
I'm warning you! One step closer and I'll drop carrier!
%%
I'm wearing PAMPERS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I 'm weary of conjectures,--this must end 'em.
Thus am I doubly armed: my death and life,
My bane and antidote, are both before me:
This in a moment brings me to an end;
But this informs me I shall never die.
The soul, secured in her existence, smiles
At the drawn dagger, and defies its point.
The stars shall fade away, the sun himself
Grow dim with age, and Nature sink in years;
But thou shalt flourish in immortal youth,
Unhurt amidst the war of elements,
The wrecks of matter, and the crush of worlds.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
I'm weird, but around here it's barely noticeable.
%%
I'm wet!  I'm wild!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm willing to accompany you, but not to ride in your pocket!
%%
I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives.
%%
I'm wobbling and I can't fall down!
 -- Weeble
%%
I'm working on my 2nd $million...  Gave up on the 1st.
%%
I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing.  It's not
 holding a charge.
 -- Edward Chilton
%%
I'm writing a book.  I've got the page numbers done.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I'm writing a telephone book. May I have your number?
%%
 I'm writing the definitive work on pain.  I would like you to
 tell me how this machine makes you feel.  Remember, be honest.
 This is for posterity.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
I'm X generation...
%%
I'm Yankee Doodle Dandee in a Gold Rolls Royce.
%%
I [] My Cat. I [] My Dog. (Would you [] my ex-wife ?)
%%
I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat.
%%
I [] my dog, I [] my cat, and I [] baby harp seals.
%%
I [] my dog, I [] my cat, and I don't [] baby seals. Have a [] day!
%%
I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat. I [] My Wife. I [] days.
%%
I'm younger than most people my age.
%%
I'm young..  I'm HEALTHY..  I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR REGIONS!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy!
 -- Freddy Krueger.
%%
I'm your No. 1 fan. You're lucky I found you.
%%
I my self have been particularly careful never to say a civil word to
the United States.  I have scoffed at their inhabitants as a nation of
villagers.  I have defined the 100% American as 99% an idiot.  And they
adore me.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is:
I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express
sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.
 -- Rebecca West
%%
I [] My TomCat!.
%%
IMZADI: Beloved. IMZATI: What a Betazoid Mosquito says!
%%
I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
%%
In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
%%
In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't
get parts
%%
In 1883 Cambridge University played a
correspondence chess match with the
Bedlam insane asylum.  Bedlam won.
%%
In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper.  The
creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
%%
In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred syrup.
%%
In 1928, Charles King was re-elected President of Liberia with a
 majority of 600,000. His opponent claimed that the vote had been
 rigged as there were only 15,000 people eligible to vote!
%%
In 1950 the cheapest computers cost the same as the most expensive Rolls Royce.
If both had developed at the same rate the Rolls would:
  * cost $5.00
  * get 2,000 miles per gallon
  * go from 0 to 60 in .02 seconds
  * have a top speed of 900 miles per hour
%%
In 1962 the expression "safe sex," all that meant then was you just move
 the bed from against the wall so you won't bang your head.
 -- David Letterman
%%
In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a
 ``Continental Belt,'' for $10.99!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
In 1976 my parents moved to Florida...in 1980 I found them again.
%%
In 1987 approximately 100,000
 people had a total of about 25 tons of fat liposuctioned from their bodies.
 This is enough body to make 325 more people. However, they would really be
 in bad shape physically.
 -- Things You Simply Must Know Department
%%
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if
 dressed as a man.
%%
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.
 If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
 wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
%%
 (In a bored voice:)  Heaven, God speaking... the answers NO!
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During
 that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
%%
In a bureaucracy accomplishment is inversely proportional to volume
of paper used.
 -- Foster L. Fowler
%%
In a bureaucracy every routing slip will expand until it contains
the maximum number of names that can be typed in a vertical column,
namely, twenty-seven.
 -- Daniel Melcher
%%
In a bureaucratic hierarchy, the higher up the organisation
the less people appreciate Murphy's Law.
 -- Rogers' Observation
%%
In a bureaucratic system an increase in expenditure will be matched
by a fall in production. Such systems will act rather like "black
holes" in the economic universe, simultaneously sucking in resources
and shrinking in terms of "emitted" production.
 -- Dr. Max Gammon
%%
In a bureaucratic system, useless work drives out useful work.
 -- Milton Friedman
%%
In a calm sea every man is a pilot.
 -- John Ray
%%
In a cat's eyes all things belong to cats.
%%
    In accepting an honorary degree from the University of Notre Dame a few
years ago, General David Sarnoff [head of RCA] made this statement: We are
too prone to make technological instruments the scapegoats for the sins of
those who wield them.   The products of modern science are not in themselves
good or bad; it is the way they are used that determines their value.   That
is the voice of the current somnambulism.  Suppose we were to say, Apple pie
is in itself neither good nor bad; it is the way it is used that determines
its value. ...    There is nothing in the Sarnoff statement that will bear
scrutiny, for it ignores the nature of the medium, of any and all media, in
the true Narcissus style of one hypnotized by the amputation and extension of
his own being in a new technical form. ... It has never occurred to General
Sarnoff that any technology could do anything but _add_ itself on to what we
already are.
 -- Marshall McLuhan, _Understanding Media: The Extensions of Man_ (1964)
%%
In accordance with our principles of free enterprise and
 healthy competition, I'm going to ask you two to fight to
 the death for it.
 -- Monty Python
%%
Inaccuracy can save a lot of explanation.
%%
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all
 directions.
%%
In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples
 of anything.
 -- Jeffery F. Chamberlain
%%
In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of.
In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.
 -- Confucius, Analects, VIII, c. 500 B.C
%%
In a country where the sole employer is the State, opposition means
death by slow starvation.  The old principle:  who does not work does
not eat, has been replaced by a new one:  who does not obey shall not
eat.
 -- Leon Trotsky
 -- in "Why Does Socialism Continue to Appeal to Anyone?", Robert Hessen
%%
In a crisis again.
%%
In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow
 you to get some entertainment out of it.
 -- Daniel Waters, screenwriter of HEATHERS
%%
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city
 tours---we guarantee no miscarriages.
%%
In a dark time, the eye begins to see.
Theodore Roethke, "In a Dark Time"
%%
In addition I think science has enjoyed an extraordinary success
 because it has such a limited and narrow realm in which to focus its
 efforts.   Namely, the physical universe.
 -- Ken Jenkins
%%
In addition to comedy, I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good.
 -- Wendy Liebman
%%
In a decision sure to cause major controversy for several minutes,
the US Supreme Court struck down the First Law of Nature, judging it to be
unlawfully discriminatory.

   Though never actually written down, the First Law of Nature is
generally accepted by the American Bar Association to be, "If an individual
or collection of individuals puts into practice or causes to be put into
practice an action which, measured against the judgement of a reasonable
person, is unwise or lacking in basic common sense, then the aforementioned
individual or collection of individuals shall suffer all consequences
resulting from that action, up to and including loss of life."

   Translation:  "You do something stupid, you die."
%%
In a Democracy, decisions are made by a majority. Not by a majority of the
 people, but by a majority of that minority enfranchised to vote. Not just
 those who can vote. The minority is made up entirely of those who do vote,
 and that is quite a minority indeed that makes the decisions for a
 Democracy.
%%
In a democracy dissent is an act of faith.  Like medicine, the test
of its value is not in its taste, but in its effects.
 -- J. W. Fulbright
%%
In a Democracy only those laws which have their bases in folkways
or the approval of strong groups have a chance of being enforced.
 -- Abraham Myerson
%%
In a democracy you can be respected though poor, but don't count on it.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
In a democratic society where the economic motive is strong, it is
 extremely difficult to give up short-term economic benefits for a
    long-term reason.
 -- Anthony Lewis
%%
Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
 -- WindowError: 00B
%%
In admiring the sunset, we do not yet deduct the rounding
 pictorial powers of the eye.
 -- R.W. Emerson
%%
Inadmissible:  Not competent to be considered.  Said of certain kinds of
testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with,
and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of proceedings before themselves
alone.   Hearsay evidence is inadmissible because the person quoted was
unsworn and is not before the court for examination; yet most momentous
actions, military, political, commercial and of every other kind, are
daily undertaken on hearsay evidence.  There is no religion in the world
that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.  Revelation is hearsay
evidence; that the Scriptures are the word of God we have only the
testimony of men long dead whose identity is not clearly established and
who are not known to have been sworn in any sense.  Under the rules of
evidence as they now exist in this country, no single assertion in the
Bible has in its support any evidence admissible in a court of law...

But as records of courts of justice are admissible, it can easily be proved
that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to
mankind.  The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still
unimpeachable.      The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
in law.  Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than
the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death.
If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike
destitute of value.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In a dream you saw a way to survive and you were filled with joy!
%%
In a drear-nighted December,
  Too happy, happy tree,
Thy branches ne'er remember
  Their green felicity.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Stanzas
%%
In adversity a man is saved by hope.
 -- Menander
%%
In adversity remember to keep an even mind.
 -- Horace (8 BC)
%%
In a false quarrel there is no true valour.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right, apologize at once!
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would
 have taken many men many months to equal it.
%%
In a few years, I think we'll be marketing Marvel
Comics like computer software.
 -- Archie Goodwin
%%
In a fight between you and the world, I'll back you.
%%
In a fight you don't stop to choose your cudgels.
%%
In a fit of confusion, Spock uses Scotty as toilet tissue.
%%
In a five year period we can get one superb programming language.  Only we
 can't control when the five year period will begin.
%%
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground
with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries.  Anthropologists call
this a form of primitive self-expression.  In America we call it golf.
%%
In a full belly all the devils dance.
 -- Established Monkish Proverb
%%
In a full heart there is room for everything, and in an empty heart
there is room for nothing.
 -- Antonio Porchia, Voces
%%
In a future life, may you come back as yourself.
%%
 (In a good Australian accent:)  G'day mate.  Can't come to the
 phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile.  Just
 leave a message, and I'll get back to you.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
In a good old age.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xv, 15
%%
In a health club, if only one locker is occupied, it will be the one just
 above yours.
%%
(In a heavy texas accent) She's been beat severely by the ugly stick.
%%
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater
the confusion.
%%
In a hurry? Try a ride on a fast moving quasit!
%%
In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Oedipus Coloneus, 880
%%
In a key position in every genealogy you will find a John
Smith from London.
 -- McLaughlin's Law
%%
In a literature class, the students were given an assignment to write a short
 story involving all the important ingredients - Nobility, Emotion, Sex,
 Religion and Mystery.  One student allegedly handed in the following story:
 My god! cried the duchess.  I'm pregnant.  Who did it?
%%
In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then
 to hang a question mark on the things you have
 long taken for granted.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
In all criminal cases whatsoever, the jury shall have the right to
determine the law and the facts.
 -- Indiana Constitution.
%%
     In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to
       a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and
      district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which
      district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be
      informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be
      confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory
      process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the
      Assistance of Counsel for his defence.
 -- The Constitution of the United States of America
%%
In all levels of life, the sheep are safe only when the wolves are
not hungry.
 -- F. J. Lovret
%%
In all life one should comfort the afflicted, but verily, also, one
should afflict the comfortable, and especially when they are comfortably,
contentedly, even happily wrong.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith, Guardian (London, 28 July 1989)
%%
In all likelihood, world inflation is over.
%%
In all literary history there is no such figure as Dante, no such
homogeneousness of life and works, such loyalty to ideas, such sublime
irrecognition of the unessential.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Second Series, Dante
%%
In all of the theories about why so many people have attacks of wackiness
 when they reach middle age--resign from the bank to go live in a van with a
 teenage mushroom gatherer, and that sort of thing--one factor has been
 neglected: When someone reaches middle age, people he knows begin to get
 put in charge of things, and knowing what he knows about the people who are
 being put in charge of things scares the hell out of him.

 If he's one of the people put in charge of things himself, it may scare him
 all the more.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yet,
it is women who keep the church going.
%%
In all the many-colored worlds of the universe no single ethical code shows a
universal force. I am convinced that virtue is but a reflection of good intent.
 -- Magnus Ridolf
%%
In all the woes that curse our race
There is a lady in the case.
 -- William Schwenck Gilbert (1836-1911)
%%
In all things that involve social pressures, if we want to see change
we have to force the envelope outwards.
 -- Gary Lee Phillips
%%
In all things there are three choices: Yes, No & no choice, except
in this -- I either choose the truth or I am deceit.
 -- Sovereign
%%
In all thy humours, whether grave or mellow,
Thou 'rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow,
Hast so much wit and mirth and spleen about thee,
There is no living with thee, nor without thee.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Spectator, No. 68
%%
In a mad world, only the mad are sane.
 -- Akiro Kurosawa
%%
In a mature society, "civil servant" is semantically equal to "civil master."
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an In-Depth
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
 -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
I name no parties.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Wit at Several Weapons, Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
In America, anyone can become president.  That's one of the risks you take.
 -- Adlai E. Stevenson (1900-1965)
%%
In America everybody is of the opinion that he has no social superiors,
since all men are equal, but he does not admit that he has no social
inferiors, for, from the time of Jefferson onward, the doctrine that
all men are equal applies only upwards, not downwards.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much
you save.
 -- Paul's Law
%%
In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
 -- Marlene Dietrich
%%
In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children.
 -- Benchley's travel distinction
%%
In America today ... we have Woody Allen, whose humor has become so
sophisticated that nobody gets it any more except Mia Farrow.  All
those who think Mia Farrow should go back to making movies where the
devil gets her pregnant and Woody Allen should go back to dressing up
as a human sperm, please raise your hands.  Thank you.
 -- Dave Barry, Why Humor is Funny
%%
In America, you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the
politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
In America you can have all the justice money can buy.
%%
In Amerika, a man and his paycheck are quickly parted.
%%
In a moment, my little piranhafish...
%%
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus,
one when he was a boy and one when he was a man.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward-mobile-and the rest
of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: not necessarily
to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely. We owe that to
ourselves and our crippled self-image as something better than a nation
of panicked sheep.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist
 -- The Great Shark Hunt, Jacket Copy for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1979)
%%
In an attempt to make the country a happier place, the government
have announced a scheme known as the "scowl penalty". Anyone seen
scowling will be penalised $20 on the spot. Further charges will
be introduced in an effort to prevent people frowning, yawning
with intent, and arguing in public.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to
 sacrifice the sluts!
 -- Bill Maher
%%
In an empty head, you can hear forever....
%%
Inane tagline found. Abort, Retry, Swipe a better one.
%%
In an evolving man-machine system, the man will get dumber faster
than the machine gets smarter.
 -- by Scott Guthery, SEN Jan 87, p. 20
%%
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major
categories: those that don't work, those that break down, and those
that get lost.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
In an insane society, the sane man must appear insane.
 -- Spock
%%
In an optimal world, I would not be necessary.
 -- James Price Salsman
%%
In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own incompetency
 -- The Peter Principle
%%
In another paper delivered today, Paul W. Kinsie of the American Social
Health Association warned that, if the moon was to be kept free from
venereal disease, prostitution must be banned there.
 -- The Realist, November, 1962
%%
In another time and place this could be funny.
 -- Troi, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
In an otherwise empty locker room, any two individuals will
have adjoining lockers.
 -- Dorr's Law of Athletics
%%
In a novel the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In
 a movie that is not allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as
 much fun as he wants cheating and stealing, getting rich, and whipping the
 servants. But you have to shoot him in the end. When he falls with a bullet
 in the forehead it is advisable that he clutch at the Gobelin tapestry on
 the wall and bring it down over his head like a symbolic shroud. Also,
 covered by such a tapestry, the actor does not have to hold his breath
 while being photographed as a dead man.
 -- Herman Mankiewicz
%%
In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal
  that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to
  time.
 -- Edward P. Tryon
%%
In Anthony Burgess' The End of the World News, one of the characters
recites the following:
I loved you. And love for you has not yet burned out of my soul. But
don't let my love cause you distress any more. I don't wish to bring you
grief. I loved you silently, hopelessly, sometimes in joy, sometimes in
jealousy. I loved you so sincerely, so tenderly. Ah, may God grant that
you be so loved by another.
%%
In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equally.
%%
In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed
 country, don't breathe the air.
 -- Changing Times Magazine
%%
In an underdeveloped country, when you are absent, your job is taken
away from you; in a developed country a new one is piled on you.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.
 -- The RPCISPE's First Universal Law
%%
In any case = In any box ???
%%
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
 beyond all need of checking, is the mistake

 -- Finagle's Third Law
(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
(2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really
don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
 -- Corollaries
%%
In any computer system, the machine will always misinterpret,
 miconstrue, misprint, or not evaluate any math or subroutines or
 fail to print any output on at least the first run through.
%%
In any crowd of spectators at least
one will suggest that razor blades could be attached to the disc.  ("You
could maim and kill with that thing.")
 -- The Eighth Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available
is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
 -- Michael T. Minerath
%%
In any department there will always be one person who understands computers.
This person usually gets transferred to another department.
%%
In any electrical circuit, appliances and wiring will burn
out to protect fuses.
 -- Byrne's Law
%%
In any field of scientific endeavor, anything
that can go wrong will go wrong.
 -- Murphy's Third Law
%%
In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
 are to be treated as variables.
 -- The RPCISPE's Third Universal Law
%%
In any free society, the conflict between social conformity and
individual liberty is permanent, unresolvable, and necessary.
 -- Kathleen Norris
%%
In any given group, the most will do the least and the least the most.
 -- Merle P. Martin
%%
In any given miscalculation, the fault will never be placed if more
than one person is involved.
 -- Merle P. Martin
%%
In any given set of circumstances, the proper course of
action is determined by subsequent events.
 -- McDonald's Corollary to Murphy's Law
%%
In any given year, Congress will appropriate the amount of funding approved
the prior year plus three-fourths of whatever change the administration
requests -- minus 4-percent tax.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XX
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
In any government construction project, no matter the state of progress on
 it, the cost of completion of the job remains the same, and any delay
 automatically accelerates the costs.
%%
In any group of five people, one will be confused, one will be conniving,
 one will be honest, and two will be trying like hell to figure out where
 they fit in this group.
%%
In any group of pieces with the same erection mark on it, one should
not have that mark on it.
%%
In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its storage.
 -- Bruce O. Boston
%%
In any human endeavor, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.
 -- Vail's Axiom
%%
In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right
thing.  The worst thing you can do is nothing.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
In any national struggle, the deciding factor is not who is the most
competent, but who is less incompetent.
%%
In any organization there will always be one person who knows
what is going on. This person must be fired.
 -- Conway's Law
%%
In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the
opposite end to the end at which you begin checking for
errors.
 -- Grelb's Law of Erroring
%%
In any slide presentation, at least one slide will be upside down
or backwards, or both.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
In any structure, pick out the one piece that should not be mismarked
and expect the plant to cross you up.
%%
In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
 -- Stuart Keate
%%
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
%%
In a philosophical dispute, he gains most who is defeated, since he
 learns most.
 -- Epicurus
%%
In a Pickwickian sense.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Pickwick Papers, Chap. i
%%
In a picture, the music should be heard and not seen.
 -- Max Steiner
%%
In a rally, staged by the Phillipine Benevolent Christian Missionaries
 Association of Mercy, 26 people died of food poisoning due to the
 unsanitary conditions of the place. Another ten were hacked to death
 because they did not believe in the healing powers of their leader! Later,
 the leader was also hospitalized for food poisoning.
%%
IN'ARDS, n.  The stomach, heart, soul and other bowels.  Many eminent
investigators do not class the soul as an in'ard, but that acute
observer and renowned authority, Dr. Gunsaulus, is persuaded that the
mysterious organ known as the spleen is nothing less than our
important part.  To the contrary, Professor Garrett P. Servis holds
that man's soul is that prolongation of his spinal marrow which forms
the pith of his no tail; and for demonstration of his faith points
confidently to the fact that no tailed animals have no souls.
Concerning these two theories, it is best to suspend judgment by
believing both.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In a republic this rule ought to be observed: that the majority should
not have the predominant power.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.) Roman Orator, poet, statesman
 -- De Re Publica (54-51 B.C.)
%%
In a research and development orbit, only two of the existing three parameters
can be defined simultaneously. The parameters are: task, time, and resources.
%%
In a restaurant with seats which are close to each other, one will
always find the decibel level of the nearest conversation to be inversely
proportional to the quality of the thought going into it.
 -- Stuart A. Cohn
%%
In arguing that current theories of brain function cast suspicion on ESP,
psychokinesis, reincarnation, and so on, I am frequently challenged with
the most popular of all neuro-mythologies -- the notion that we ordinarily
use only 10 percent of our brains...
This "cerebral spare tire" concept continues to nourish the clientele of
"pop psychologists" and their many recycling self-improvement schemes.  As
a metaphor for the fact that few of us fully exploit our talents, who could
deny it?  As a refuge for occultists seeking a neural basis of the miraculous,
it leaves much to be desired.
 -- Barry L. Beyerstein,
 -- "The Brain and Consciousness: Implications for Psi Phenomena",
 -- The Skeptical Enquirer, Vol. XII, No. 2, pg. 171
%%
In arguing, too, the parson owned his skill, for even tho' vanquish'd
he could argue still.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
In art, there are tears that do lie too deep for thought.
 -- Louis Kronenberger
%%
In a Russian tragedy, everybody dies.  In a Russian comedy, everybody dies too.
 But they die happy.
 -- Barry Farber, in the Journal of Petroleum Technology
%%
In a single day, Samson slew a thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an ass.
Every day, thousands of sales are killed with the same weapon.
%%
Inasmuch as the mathematical theorems are related to
reality, they are not sure; inasmuch as they are sure, they
are not related to reality.
 -- Einstein's Observation
%%
In as much as you will never be able to do what you wish, it is better to
 be able to wish what you do.
%%
In a state-run society the government promises you security. But it's
a false promise predicated on the idea that the opposite of security
in risk. Nothing could be further from the truth. The opposite of
security is insecurity, and the only way to overcome insecurity is
to take risks. The gentle government that promises to hold your hand
as you cross the street refuses to let go on the other side.
 -- Theodore Forstmann
%%
In a suitable temperature, an egg becomes a chicken, and there are no
 chickens born of stones.
 -- Mao Zedong
%%
In a surplus labor economy, the squeaky wheel does not get greased,
it get's replaced.
 -- Martin's Maxim
%%
In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT
were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class.
 Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
%%
In a technological world where anything is possible, paranoia will
 reign supreme.
 -- Stephen Crandall
%%
In a three-storey building served by one elevator, nine
times out of ten the elevator will be on a floor where you
are not.
 -- Dedera's Law
%%
In a vain man, the smallest spark may kindle into the greatest flame,
because the materials are always prepared for it.
 -- Hume
%%
In a VERY weak moment, I started a BBS.
%%
In a way, we're a kind of Peace Corps.
 -- Maj. A. Lincoln German, Training Director
 -- of the Green Beret Special Warfare School, Ft. Bragg, N.C.
%%
In a wild rage the nostril monster attacks! But you can't get out
of of the way!
%%
In a wild rage the nostril monster attacks! He just misses!
%%
In a word, neither death, nor exile, nor pain, nor anything of this
kind is the real cause of our doing or not doing any action, but our
inward opinions and principles.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap xi
%%
    In a world that was totally objective and fair, size should make no
difference in the worth of any individual or creature. But, then again, wizards
should not have to work for a living, either.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXIX
%%
In a world where children blow up children, everyone's a threat.
 -- Alexana Devos, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
In baseball, you don't know nothing.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
In bed the other night my girlfriend asked "if you could know exactly when and
 where you would die, would you want to?"  I said "no".  She said, "ok, then
 forget it".
 -- Steven Wright
%%
In bed we laugh, in bed we cry;
And, born in bed, in bed we die.
The near approach a bed may show
Of human bliss to human woe.
 -- Isaac de Benserade (1612-1691)
%%
In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own
at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public.
%%
In books lies the soul of the whole Past Time: the articulate audible
voice of the Past, when the body and material substance of it has
altogether vanished like a dream.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Heroes and Hero-Worship, The Hero as a Man of Letters
%%
In books, or work, or healthful play.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song xx
%%
In Borland you are never bored!
%%
In Boston, it is illegal to hold frog-jumping contests in nightclubs.
%%
In boxing they have the "undisputed heavyweight champion." Well, if it's
 undisputed what's all the fighting about? Undisputed means everybody
 agrees. Some guys are getting beat up pretty badly over something
 apparently we all agree on.
 -- George Carlin
%%
Inbreeding is more than a word to Ross Perot, it's a way of life.
%%
In briefings to busy people, summarize at the beginning what you're going to
tell them, then tell them, then summarize at the end what you have told them.
 -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
In brief, she assumed that, being a man, I was vain to the point of imbecility,
 and this assumption was correct, as it always is.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
In business, price increases as service declines.
 -- James L. Davis
%%
In busy companies of men.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- The Garden
%%
In California, Bill Honig, the Superintendent of Public Instruction,
said he thought the general public should have a voice in defining what
an excellent teacher should know. 'I would not leave the definition of
math,' Dr. Honig said, 'up to the mathematicians.'
 -- The New York Times, October 22, 1985
%%
In California,if you are not seeing a psychiatrist, people think you are crazy.
%%
In came Mrs. Fezziwig, one vast substantial smile.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Christmas Carol, Stave 2
%%
INCAM   INCrement Arbitrary Memory location
%%
In Canada, even the female impersonators are women.
%%
In Canada there is another word for Sushi.......BAIT!
%%
:incantation: n. Any particularly arbitrary or obscure command that
   one must mutter at a system to attain a desired result.  Not used
   of passwords or other explicit security features.  Especially used
   of tricks that are so poorly documented that they must be learned
   from a {wizard}.  "This compiler normally locates initialized
   data in the data segment, but if you {mutter} the right
   incantation they will be forced into text space."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
In case of an emergency, administer Chocolate
%%
In case of a thunderstorm, stand in the middle of the fairway and hold up a
 one-iron. Not even God can hit a one-iron.
 -- Lee Trevino
%%
In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools
 will be temporarily canceled.
%%
In case of Big Mac attack...
%%
In Case of Death:  Do not use elevators.  Stay calm.
%%
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
 -- Finagle's Fourth Rule
%%
In case of emergency, break glass, scream, bleed to death.
%%
In case of emergency read manual.
%%
In case of fire do not use elevators... Use water.
%%
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
 -- In a Vienna hotel
%%
In Case of Fire, Log off Promptly.
%%
In Case Of Fire, Rescue Taglines.
%%
In case of fire, save the
a. women and children.
b. expensive equipment.
c. jewelry and wallets of those who've succumbed to smoke inhalation.
 -- Safety Test
%%
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
%%
In case of injury notify your superior immediately.
He'll kiss it and make it better.
%%
In case of nuclear attack: 1) Stand with feet shoulder width apart.
2) Bend over to a 90 degree angle. 3) Face backwards. 4) Kiss your
ass goodbye.
%%
 In case of nuclear war, hide in the urinal.
 Nobody ever hits 'em anyway.
 -- Toilet graffiti
%%
In case of rapture, please grab the wheel.
%%
In case of Rapture this tagline will self-destru.....
%%
In case you didn't know, I now look at eight(8) characters instead
of of each word, instead of five(5), as I used to.
%%
Incens'd with indignation Satan stood
Unterrify'd, and like a comet burn'd
That fires the length of Ophiuchus huge
In th' arctic sky, and from his horrid hair
Shakes pestilence and war.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 707
%%
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate
 circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Incest - a game for the entire family!
%%
Incest is a voluntary act on the woman's part.
 -- Charles Rice, Professor of Law, Notre Dame University, in a pamphlet
     published by the American Life League
%%
Incest: Keep it in the family.
%%
Incest, n.: Sibling revelry.
%%
Incest: The theory of relativity...
%%
In charity there is no excess.
%%
In charity to all mankind, bearing no malice or ill-will to any human
being, and even compassionating those who hold in bondage their fellow-men,
not knowing what they do.
 -- John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
 -- Letter to A. Bronson, July 30, 1838
%%
In Chicago it takes three to change a street light: one to change the lamp, one
to sleep on the job, and one to take the payoff.
%%
In Christianity neither morality nor religion come
 into contact with reality at any point.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
:inc: /ink/ v. Verbal (and only rarely written) shorthand for
   increment, i.e. `increase by one'.  Especially used by
   assembly programmers, as many assembly languages have an `inc'
   mnemonic.  Antonym: {dec}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
In civilized life, where the happiness, and indeed almost the existence, of
man depends so much upon the opinion of his fellow men, he is constantly
acting a studied part.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
#include "mandatory.cute.tagline"
%%
Include me out.
 -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
#include <std.disclaimer>
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
#include <std/disclaimer.h>
# (e.g. the views expressed by me...etc)
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
#include <std/discluesure.h>  /* This comment left intentionally blank */
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
#include <stdisclaimer.h>
#include "witty_phrase.h"
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
#include <std/sig.h>
%%
:include: vt. [USENET] 1. To duplicate a portion (or whole) of
   another's message (typically with attribution to the source) in a
   reply or followup, for clarifying the context of one's response.
   See the discussion of inclusion styles under "Hacker
   Writing Style".  2. [from {C}] `#include <disclaimer.h>'
   has appeared in {sig block}s to refer to a notional `standard
   {disclaimer} file'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:include war: n. Excessive multi-leveled including within a
   discussion {thread}, a practice that tends to annoy readers.  In
   a forum with high-traffic newsgroups, such as USENET, this can lead
   to {flame}s and the urge to start a {kill file}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
In Columbia, Pennsylvania, it is against the law for a pilot to tickle
a female flying student under her chin with a feather duster in order
to get her attention.
%%
INCOME, n.  The natural and rational gauge and measure of
respectability, the commonly accepted standards being artificial,
arbitrary and fallacious; for, as "Sir Sycophas Chrysolater" in the
play has justly remarked, "the true use and function of property (in
whatsoever it consisteth -- coins, or land, or houses, or merchant-
stuff, or anything which may be named as holden of right to one's own
subservience) as also of honors, titles, preferments and place, and
all favor and acquaintance of persons of quality or ableness, are but
to get money.  Hence it followeth that all things are truly to be
rated as of worth in measure of their serviceableness to that end; and
their possessors should take rank in agreement thereto, neither the
lord of an unproducing manor, howsoever broad and ancient, nor he who
bears an unremunerate dignity, nor yet the pauper favorite of a king,
being esteemed of level excellency with him whose riches are of daily
accretion; and hardly should they whose wealth is barren claim and
rightly take more honor than the poor and unworthy."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
 -- Herman Wouk
%%
Incoming fire has the right of way.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #02
%%
In Communism's central planning, citizens are told "You will make widgets".
 In Capitalism's advertising, citizens are told "You will buy widgets".
%%
In comparing various authors with one another, I have discovered that
some of the gravest and latest writers have transcribed, word for
word, from former works, without making acknowledgment.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book i, Dedication, Sect. 22
%%
INCOMPATIBILITY, n.  In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly
the taste for domination.  Incompatibility may, however, consist of a
meek-eyed matron living just around the corner.  It has even been
known to wear a moustache.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
INCOMPETENCE
  A politer word for stupidity. If you are accused of incompetence,
  just remember, it is far better to be incompetent than incontinent
  (see below).
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Incompetence is better than no competence at all.
%%
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
 -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
 -- Peter's Theorem
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Incompetence tends to increase with the level of work performed.
And, naturally, the individual's staff needs will increase as his
level of incompetence increases.
 -- Arthur J. Riggs
%%
Incompetents often hire able assistants.
 -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj.  Unable to exist if something else exists.  Two
things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for
one of them, but not enough for both -- as Walt Whitman's poetry and
God's mercy to man.  Incompossibility, it will be seen, is only
incompatibility let loose.  Instead of such low language as "Go heel
yourself -- I mean to kill you on sight," the words, "Sir, we are
incompossible," would convey and equally significant intimation and in
stately courtesy are altogether superior.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.
 -- Brian K. Reed
%%
In-con-CEIvable!
%%
Inconceivable!
 -- Vizzini
%%
Inconceivable!
    You use that word a lot.   I don't think it means what you think it does.
 -- The Princess Bride
%%
Incongruous - Where most of our laws are concocted.
%%
Incongruous -- Where U.S. laws are made.
%%
Inconsistencies of opinion, arising from changes of circumstances,
are often justifiable.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech, July 25 and 27, 1846, Vol. v, p. 187
%%
Inconsolable to the minuet in Ariadne.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Inconstitencies of opinion which may arise from time to time due to
 contingencies which may not be anticipated are often justifiable except
 when you do them, since for you, consistency requires that you be as dumb
 today as you were yesterday and the day before that. When I change my mind
 is is generally a sign of broadminded openness to considerations of moment.
 When you change your mind from what you said four years ago, it is yet
 another example of the bewildering plethora of lies of which you are always
 guilty. Let us always be fair about these things. (10) It is really hard to
 keep people from doing something if they stay away from it and don't want
 to do it. You just have to exercise patience and forbid it a little more
 strongly a little longer.
%%
INCONTINENCE
  Now let's make it clear. Incontinence is not something to be
  laughed at. It is a very serious and discomforting condition. It
  can't be easy walking around with large amounts of urine wanting to
  leap into the outside world at every step. Incontinence can be
  fatal, too - yes, people have drowned.
      The most serious outbreak of incontinence occurred at the
  Fourth Annual International Incontinence Conference, which the
  organisers had unfortunately booked into an underground concrete
  lined conference centre with below average drainage facilities.
  After the stairs collapsed, all the delegates remaining in the
  building went to a pissy grave.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
in any motor vehicle.
%%
In corporate life, I think there are three important areas which contracts
 can't deal with, the area of conflict, the area of change and area of reaching
 potential.   To me a covenant is a relationship that is based on such things
 as shared ideals and shared value systems and shared ideas and shared
 agreement as to the processes we are going to use for working together.  In
 many cases they develop into real love relationships.
 -- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., Herman Miller's
     Secrets of Corporate Creativity, The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%%
Incorrigible Proofreader
%%
Incorrigible Romantic
%%
Increased means and increased leisure are the two civilizers of man.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, April 3, 1872
%%
Increased profits mean more work for everyone.
%%
In creating, the only hard thing is to begin: a grass blade's no easier
to make than an oak.
 -- James Russell Lowell
%%
Incremental implementation
 delivering several partial products each for the
 price of a complete one
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
In critical moments men sometimes see exactly what they wish to see.
 -- Spock, "The Tholian Web," stardate 5693.2.
%%
INCUBUS, n.  One of a race of highly improper demons who, though
probably not wholly extinct, may be said to have seen their best
nights.  For a complete account of _incubi_ and _succubi_, including
_incubae_ and _succubae_, see the _Liber Demonorum_ of Protassus
(Paris, 1328), which contains much curious information that would be
out of place in a dictionary intended as a text-book for the public
schools.
    Victor Hugo relates that in the Channel Islands Satan himself --
tempted more than elsewhere by the beauty of the women, doubtless --
sometimes plays at _incubus_, greatly to the inconvenience and alarm
of the good dames who wish to be loyal to their marriage vows,
generally speaking.  A certain lady applied to the parish priest to
learn how they might, in the dark, distinguish the hardy intruder from
their husbands.  The holy man said they must feel his brown for horns;
but Hugo is ungallant enough to hint a doubt of the efficacy of the
test.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
INCUMBENT, n.  A person of the liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In Cupertino, California, it is illegal to count backwards audibly in
hexadecimal.
%%
In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream.  UNLESS YOU TYPE LIKE THIS!!!
%%
In DBLSPACE no one can hear you scream.
%%
In dealing with a body of people, the people will be more tacky than expected.
 -- Lee's Law
%%
In dealing with people, an ounce of sincere, good intentions is worth
a pound of cleverness.
%%
In dealing with their own problems, faculty members are the
most extreme conservatives.
In dealing with other people's problems, they are the
world's most extreme liberals.
 -- Clark Kerr
%%
In dealing with the press do yourself a favor. Stick with one of
three responses: (a) I know and I can tell you. (b) I know and I
can't tell you. (c) I don't know.
 -- Dan Rather
%%
In death a hero, as in life a friend!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xvii, Line 758
%%
Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man;
he invented them. Among higher animals there is no trace of them.
they hide nothing. They are not ashamed.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Letters from the Earth (1905-1909)
%%
INDECENT PROPOSAL = Clinton's budget.
%%
INDECENT PROPOSAL = Clinton's health-care plan.
%%
Indecision Clouds My Vision.
%%
Indecision is like a stepchild:  if he does not wash his hands, he
is called dirty, if he does, he is wasting water.
 -- African Proverb
%%
Indecision may or may not be my problem . . .
%%
INDECISION, n.  The chief element of success; "for whereas," saith Sir
Thomas Brewbold, "there is but one way to do nothing and divers way to
do something, whereof, to a surety, only one is the right way, it
followeth that he who from indecision standeth still hath not so many
chances of going astray as he who pusheth forwards" -- a most clear
and satisfactory exposition on the matter.
    "Your prompt decision to attack," said Genera Grant on a certain
occasion to General Gordon Granger, "was admirable; you had but five
minutes to make up your mind in."
    "Yes, sir," answered the victorious subordinate, "it is a great
thing to be know exactly what to do in an emergency.  When in doubt
whether to attack or retreat I never hesitate a moment -- I toss us a
copper."
    "Do you mean to say that's what you did this time?"
    "Yes, General; but for Heaven's sake don't reprimand me:  I
disobeyed the coin."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- Notes on Virginia, Query xviii, Manners
%%
Indeed, to quarantine a person with AIDS or the AIDS virus does entail a
 loss, in the short run, of human freedom.   Agreed.  But the idea of human
 freedom isn't now, and never has been, absolute.  Besides, in the long run,
 as I have noted, all people with AIDS die.
 -- John Lofton, Anti-Choice Columnist, The Washington Times, 3/31/89, as
    quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood
     pamphlet
%%
Indeed, what is there that does not appear marvellous when it comes
to our knowledge for the first time?
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 6
%%
In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.
 -- Winston Curchill, of Montgomery
%%
In democracy its your vote that counts.  In feudalism its your count
 that votes.
 -- Mogens Jallberg
%%
Indent your programs consistently.
%%
In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door
neighbor.
%%
Independence: hanging out opposite the shallow part of the pool.
%%
Independence is essential for permanent but fatal to immediate success.
%%
"Independent self-reliant people (would be) a counterproductive anachronism
 in the collective society of the future [...] (where) people will be
 defined by their associations."
 -- John Dewey (1859-1953), educational philosopher,
 -- proponent of modern public schools. 1896
 -- "The Tyranny of Government Schooling", John Gatto, 1992
%%
In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension
can be totalled correctly after 4:40 pm on Friday.
 -- Law of the Lost Inch
1. Under the same conditions, if any minor dimensions are
given to sixteenths of an inch, they cannot be totalled at all.
2. The correct total will become self-evident at 9:01 am on Monday.
 -- Corollaries
%%
In /dev/null no one can hear you scream.
%%
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
%%
Indiana Jones' Adventures: Darrin Rescue
%%
Indianapolis, Indiana  USA
 Third Stone From The Sun
%%
INDIAN Cuisine is a challenge, eat it often!
%%
Indian/Italian Cuisine: Ravi Oley
%%
Indian Love Call - are you awake dear.
%%
Indians?  I don't see any Indians!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Indications of what humans would call a wild party.
 -- Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves
smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat.  It is
not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.
 -- Stephen Crane
%%
Indifference is an apathetic form of passive hate.
%%
Indifference is isolation.  In difference is texture and wonder.
 Edwin Schlossberg
%%
Indifference is the only sure defence.
 -- Jody Powell
%%
Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
%%
INDIFFERENT, adj.  Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.

    "You tiresome man!" cried Indolentio's wife,
    "You've grown indifferent to all in life."
    "Indifferent?" he drawled with a slow smile;
    "I would be, dear, but it is not worth while."
                                                     Apuleius M. Gokul
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
In differing breasts what differing passions glow! Ours kindle quick,
but yours extinguish slow.
 -- Garth
%%
In difficult situations the boldest plans are safest.
 -- Livy
%%
INDIGESTION, n.  A disease which the patient and his friends
frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the
salvation of mankind.  As the simple Red Man of the western wild put
it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force:  "Plenty well, no
pray; big bellyache, heap God."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Indigo - the fear of purple heights.
%%
In dim eclipse, disastrous twilight sheds
On half the nations, and with fear of change
Perplexes monarchs.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 597
%%
Indirect file nested too deep.
%%
In discourse more sweet;
For eloquence the soul, song charms the sense.
Others apart sat on a hill retir'd,
In thoughts more elevate, and reason'd high
Of providence, foreknowledge, will, and fate,
Fix'd fate, free-will, foreknowledge absolute;
And found no end, in wand'ring mazes lost.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 555
%%
INDISCRETION, n.  The guilt of woman.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Indiscriminate study bloats the mind.
%%
(in discussing Lillian Helman's play, "The Children's Hour")
Goldwyn   :  Maybe we ought to buy it?
Associate :  Forget it, Mr. Goldwyn, its about Lesbians.
Goldwyn   :  That's okay, we'll make them Americans.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Individualist does it with himself.
%%
Individualists of the world, UNITE!
%%
Individuality is fine as long as we all do it together.
 -- Frank Burns, M*A*S*H
%%
Individuality is of far more account than nationality.
%%
Individuals domiciling in vitreous edifices would be well advised to refrain
from catapulting petrogenetic projectiles.
 [ people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. ]
%%
Indolence is a delightful but distressing state; we must be doing
something to be happy. Action is no less necessary than thought to
the instinctive tendencies of the human frame.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.
%%
In DoubleSpace no one can hear your data scream.
%%
Indubitably, sir, Indubitably.
 -- Data to Picard, "Lonely Among Us", stardate 41249.3
%%
Inductors dissipate after doing it.
%%
Indu'd
With sanctity of reason.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vii, Line 507
%%
Indulgences are Papal, too.
%%
In durance vile
And all my frowsy couch in sorrow steep.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Epistle from Esopus to Maria
%%
Industrialization alienated millions of men from their source of love.
%%
Industrialization has broadened women's options and deepened men's mold.
%%
Industrialization made performing away from home the male role.
%%
In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
 -- Tao Te Ching
%%
Indy 500   Snakes 0
%%
I nearly saw Elvis one night, but my shovel broke.
%%
In ecology, as in economics, TANSTAAFL (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free
 Lunch) is intended to warn that every gain is won at some cost. Failure to
 recognize the no free lunch law causes the buffalo-hunter mentality
 syndrome -- the unthinking assumption that there will always be plenty because
 there always has been plenty.
 -- Dr. Robert W. Prehoda
%%
In economics, the majority is always wrong.
%%
INE Do Not Cross! - TAGLINE Do Not Cross! - TAGL
%%
I need a derivative!  I'm a calcaholic!
%%
I need a drink... where's the SPACE BAR?
%%
I need a good screw!  Preferrably drywall, Philips.
%%
I need a hug.
%%
I need all the help I can get!
%%
I need a longer extension for my umbilical cord.
%%
I need a Phillips Screwdriver. All of mine are Stanley.
%%
I need CPR...quick, call Dr Bashier!!
%%
I needed it yesterday.
%%
I need everything; do you have it??
%%
I NEED Kristie Alley's home phone number.
%%
I need more detailed instructions to do that.
%%
I need my sinuses like I need a hole in the head
%%
I need some duck tape. My duck has a quack in it.
%%
I need some duck tape. My puter has a QWaK in it.
%%
I need some new taglines. This one is getting old.
%%
I need someone really bad.  Are you really bad?
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
I need to call 911.  Where's the eleven key?
%%
I need to change your status time this week...(famous quotes)
%%
I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least
 six studio SLEAZEBALLS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I need to drink enough beer to reach a state of deep cerebral paralysis.
%%
I need to drown my troubles but I can't get him to go swimming.
%%
I need to know, I need to know, I need to ...
%%
I need two hands to wave, not just one.
%%
I need Windows like a haemophiliac needs heart surgery!
%%
I ne'er could any lustre see
In eyes that would not look on me;
I ne'er saw nectar on a lip
But where my own did hope to sip.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Duenna, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
In Eerie, Indiana, when you scrape away the surface weirdness, what
 you find is ... more weirdness.
 -- Eerie Indiana
%%
I neither desire your obedience, nor your worship.
 -- Picard to Liko, "Who Watches the Watchers, stardate 43173.5
%%
In empty spaces I twist and talk, and come down with the roar of thunder
%%
In England rugby is a game for louts played by gentlemen.
In Wales it is a game for louts, played by louts.
%%
In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
 programming languages.
%%
In English, "I beseech you, my brothers, _remain faithful to the earth_ and
believe not those who speak of supernatural hopes. Poisonmongers are they,
whether they know it or not.
 -- Nietzsche, "Also Sprach Zarathustra"
%%
Inertia is an overpowering force.
%%
Inertia makes the world go round.
%%
I neutered my cat. Now he's a consultant.
%%
I never argue with people who are wrong.
 -- Mary Kate McCabe
%%
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come
  into my neighborhood after dark.
 -- Dick Gregory
%%
I never buy books on impulse.  Only on warp.
%%
I never could believe that Providence had sent a few men into the world ready
booted and spurred to ride, and millions ready saddled and bridled to
be ridden.
 -- Richard Rumbold, on the scaffold
%%
I never could remember punch lines!
%%
I never could see why people were so happy about Dickens'
`A Christmas Carol' because I never had any confidence that Scrooge was
going to be any different the next day.
 -- Dr. Karl Menninger, American psychiatrist (1893-1990),
 -- on the transience of the Christmas spirit.
%%
I never dared be radical when young for fear it would make me
conservative when old.
 -- Robert Frost (1875-1963)
%%
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
I never did anything worth doing by accident,
nor did any of my inventions come by accident;
 they come by work.
 -- Thomas Edison, American inventor
%%
I never did give anybody hell.  I just told the truth and they thought
it was hell.
 -- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
%%
I never drink unless I'm alone or with him.
%%
I never eat between meals and snacks.
%%
I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
 was to go away.
%%
I never fall asleep driving.  I wake up driving!
%%
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an
 exception.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
I never forgot the incident and years later, when
 the Luftwaffe was bombing London, I shone a light
 on the critic's house.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are
for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay
in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be
where he will.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854),V, Solitude
%%
I never get lost, just momentarily disoriented.
%%
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad
 can beat up your dad." I'd say yeah? When?
 -- Bill Hicks
%%
I never heard the old song of Percy and Douglas that I found not my
heart moved more than with a trumpet.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Defence of Poesy
%%
I never knew any man in my life who could not bear another's misfortunes
perfectly like a Christian.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Thoughts on Various Subjects
%%
I never knew I had so many friends.
%%
I never knew lasers could be printed.
%%
I never knew so young a body with so old a head.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I never knew the old gentlemen with the scythe and hour-glass bring
anything but grey hairs, thin cheeks, and loss of teeth.
 -- Dryden
%%
I never knew what true happiness was till I got married.
 And then it was too late.
%%
I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man coming to his senses.
 -- William Makepeace Thakeray
%%
I never know how much of what I say is true.
 -- Bette Midler
%%
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred
 dollars and said, "Buy yourself something that will make your life easier."
 So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply
 because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to
 meet them.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
I never let the facts get in the way of my preconceived notions.
%%
I never lie when I have sand in my boots
 -- LaForge
%%
I never lie when I've got sand in my shoes, Commodore.
 -- Geordi to Bochra, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
I never liked room temperature.
%%
I never liked you, and I always will.
%%
I never lose!  Often run away, but I never lose....
%%
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
 -- Mae West
%%
I never make exceptions.
An exception disproves the rule.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
%%
I never make misstakes
%%
I never met a carbohydrate I didn't like.
%%
I never met a kid I liked.
 -- W.C. Fields
%%
I never met a Lasagna I didn't like!
%%
I never met a man I didn't like.
 -- Will Rogers, speech, June 1930
%%
I never met a metacharacter I didn't like.
%%
I never metaphysics I didn't like.
%%
I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
%%
I never met a repo man who didn't do speed.
%%
I never met a Scout I didn't like.
%%
I never met a temptation I didn't like...
%%
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
I never miss Rush Limbaugh.  He's too big a target.
%%
I NEVER need to use a condom.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
I never play the opening rounds anyway, inconsequential. Besides, there
  are much better things to negotiate on this ship. Like dinner tonight?
What about your travelling companion?
My travelling companion is...travelling. I sent her home.
Why?
You know why.
 -- Devinoni Rai and Troi, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
I never prescribes a drug that I never took.
 -- Chris Chandler, MD, deceased
%%
I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
I never read other people's mail.
%%
I never realised that FORTRAN was so exciting.
%%
I never really appreciated Barbara Bush till Hillary slithered in.
%%
I never really appreciated Rosalyne Carter till Hillary slithered in.
%%
I never receive bills to pay; there's a CRC error in my ZIP code!
%%
I never remember a face, but I always forget a name.
%%
I never reply to PEOPLE WHO TYPE LIKE THIS.
%%
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for
me do not tempt me.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
I never respected a man who could spell.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
I never rise above the noise and confusion...
%%
I never said all Republicans were saloonkeepers; what I said was all
saloonkeepers were Republicans.
%%
I never saw a more dreadful battle in my born days.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. viii
%%
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one!
 -- Gelett Burgess (1866-1951),
 -- The Burgess Nonsense Book (1914) "The Purple Cow"
%%
I never saw so many shocking bad hats in my life.
 -- Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington (1769-1852)
 -- Upon seeing the first Reformed Parliament
%%
I never spit in your drink, why do you smoke in my air?
%%
I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any
party of men whatever, in religion, in philosophy, in politics or in
anything else, where I was capable of thinking for myself.  Such an
addiction is the last degradation of a free and moral agent. If I could
not go to Heaven but with a party, I would not go there at all.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Letter To Francis Hopkinson, Paris Mar. 13, 1789
%%
I never tempted her with word too large,
But, as a brother to his sister, show'd
Bashful sincerity and comely love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
I never thought I'd miss the Carter Administration.
%%
I never thought of killing myself, never, but if I did I'd want to be
 unique. Headline: "Sick comic succumbs, swallows 650 dexamine spansules. He
 was killed by his neighbors for talking too much."
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
I never thought that inorganic matter could attack a man. That's
why I'm in such a panic -I've just seen proof it can!
%%
I never thought that others would take them so much more seriously then I did.
 -- Albert Einstein, about his theories
%%
I never thought the mail was that slow until I got a postcard from
Cairo, and there were only two pyramids in the picture.
%%
I never thrust my nose into other men's porridge. It is no bread and
butter of mine; every man for himself, and God for us all.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
I never understood why God decided to endow the military
man with His big brain when bone and marrow are all that
he needs to execute his purpose."
 -- A. Einstein - Ideas and Opinions
%%
I never used to be able to finish anything, but now I
%%
I never wanna see another rock.
%%
I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices
I have read with pleasure.
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
I never want to marry.  I just want to get divorced.
 -- Woody Allen, "Love and Death"
%%
I never was an Abolitionist, not even what could be called anti slavery,
but I try to judge farely & honestly and it become patent to my mind
early in the rebellion that the North & South could never live at
peace with each other except as one nation, and that without Slavery.
 -- Ulysses S. Grant, Letter to Elihu B. Washburne, August 30, 1863
%%
I never was on the dull, tame shore,
But I loved the great sea more and more.
 -- Bryan W. Procter (1787-1874)
 -- The Sea
%%
I never watched a hockey game that I didn't like.
%%
I *never* would have guessed you were that old!
%%
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same
price for city.  I never write policeman because I can get the same
money for cop.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
In every affair consider what precedes and what follows, and then undertake it.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- That Everything is to be undertaken with Circumspection,
 -- Discourses, Book iii, Chap. xv
%%
In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
In every deed of mischief he had a heart to resolve, a head to contrive,
and a hand to execute.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (1776), Chap. xlviii
%%
In every enterprise consider where you would come out.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 777
%%
I never yet heard man or woman much abused that I was not inclined
to think the better of them, and to transfer the suspicion or dislike
to the one who found pleasure in pointing out the defects of another.
 -- Jane Porter
%%
In every family tree there's sap.
%%
In every grain of wheat there lies hidden the soul of a star.
 -- Arthur Machen
%%
In every hedge and ditch both day and night
We fear our death, of every leafe affright.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, First Day, Part iii
%%
In every instance, we found that the best-run companies
stay as close to their customers as humanly possible.
 -- Thomas Peters
%%
In every language, the first word after "Mama!" that every kid learns to say
is "Mine!"  A system that doesn't allow ownership, that doesn't allow you to
say "Mine!" when you grow up, has -- to put it mildly -- a fatal design flaw.
From the time Mr. Developing Nation was forced to read _The Little Red Book_
in exchange for a blob of rice, till the time he figured out that waiting in
line for a loaf of pumpernickel was boring as fuck, took about three
generations. ...
Decades of indoctrination, manipulation, censorship and KGB excursions haven't
altered ths fact: People want a piece of their own little Something-or-Other,
and, if they don't get it, have a tendency to initiate counterrevolution.
 -- Frank Zappa, _The Real Frank Zappa Book_
%%
In every man's castle, there's a lovely Princess.
%%
In every revolution, there's one man with a vision.
 -- Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror," stardate unknown.
%%
In everything one must consider the end.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Fox and the Gnat, Book iii, Fable 5
%%
In every well-governed state wealth is a sacred thing; in
democracies it is the ONLY sacred thing.
 -- Anatole France
%%
In every work of genius we recognise our rejected thoughts.
 -- Emerson's Observation
%%
Inevitability is my first goal as a writer.
%%
In ev'ry age and clime we see
Two of a trade can never agree.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Rat-catcher and Cats
%%
In ev'ry sorrowing soul I pour'd delight,
And poverty stood smiling in my sight.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xvii, Line 505
%%
I new a girl that almost stole my heart;  she was an Aztec priestess.
 -- Charade
%%
INEXPEDIENT, adj.  Not calculated to advance one's interests.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In expressing love we belong among the undeveloped countries.
 -- Attributed to Saul Bellow
%%
Infachilles: Having one's heel rammed from behind by a baby stroller.
%%
In fact, entire math departments have been known to go off the
deep end (on infinite real numbers)
%%
In fact, I DON'T put my pants on one leg on leg at a time.
%%
In fact, I don't think 7-11s even take coupons.I should check that out...
 -- Bill Gates, 1992
%%
In fact, one thing that I have noticed . . . is that all of these
conspiracy theories depend on the perpetrators being endlessly clever.
 I think you'll find the facts also work if you assume everyone is
endlessly stupid.
 -- Brian E. Moore
%%
Infactuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart
as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen,
and as athletic as Jimmy Conners.  Love is when you realize that he's
as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph
Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford -
but you'll take him anyway.
 -- Judith Viorst
%%
In Fame's temple there is always a niche to be found for rich dunces,
importunate scoundrels or successful butchers of the human race.
 -- Zimmermam
%%
infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.
 -- The four stages of man are
 -- Art Linkletter
%%
Infancy, n.:
   The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, Heaven
lies about us.    The world begins lying about us pretty soon
afterward.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Infant care has to be learned from the bottom up.
%%
:infant mortality: n. It is common lore among hackers (and in the
   electronics industry at large; this term is possibly techspeak by
   now) that the chances of sudden hardware failure drop off
   exponentially with a machine's time since first use (that is, until
   the relatively distant time at which enough mechanical wear in I/O
   devices and thermal-cycling stress in components has accumulated
   for the machine to start going senile).  Up to half of all chip and
   wire failures happen within a new system's first few weeks; such
   failures are often referred to as `infant mortality' problems
   (or, occasionally, as `sudden infant death syndrome').  See
   {bathtub curve}, {burn-in period}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Infantrymen do it in the trench.
%%
In Farmer MacGregor's Garden: Peter Abbott
%%
infatuate:  to put on weight.
%%
INFECTIOUS DISEASE RESEARCHERS do it with breeding and culture.
%%
Infect your friends and neighbors with E.I.B.!
%%
INFERIAE,n.  [Latin]  Among the Greeks and Romans, sacrifices for
propitation of the _Dii Manes_, or souls of the dead heroes; for the
pious ancients could not invent enough gods to satisfy their spiritual
needs, and had to have a number of makeshift deities, or, as a sailor
might say, jury-gods, which they made out of the most unpromising
materials.  It was while sacrificing a bullock to the spirit of
Agamemnon that Laiaides, a priest of Aulis, was favored with an
audience of that illustrious warrior's shade, who prophetically
recounted to him the birth of Christ and the triumph of Christianity,
giving him also a rapid but tolerably complete review of events down
to the reign of Saint Louis.  The narrative ended abruptly at the
point, owing to the inconsiderate crowing of a cock, which compelled
the ghosted King of Men to scamper back to Hades.  There is a fine
mediaeval flavor to this story, and as it has not been traced back
further than Pere Brateille, a pious but obscure writer at the court
of Saint Louis, we shall probably not err on the side of presumption
in considering it apocryphal, though Monsignor Capel's judgment of the
matter might be different; and to that I bow -- wow.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears.
%%
Inferior people gossip about other persons;
common people discuss events;
the wise man is interested in ideas.
%%
INFIDEL, n.  In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian
religion; in Constantinople, one who does.  (See GIAOUR.)  A kind of
scoundrel imperfectly reverent of, and niggardly contributory to,
divines, ecclesiastics, popes, parsons, canons, monks, mollahs,
voodoos, presbyters, hierophants, prelates, obeah-men, abbes, nuns,
missionaries, exhorters, deacons, friars, hadjis, high-priests,
muezzins, brahmins, medicine-men, confessors, eminences, elders,
primates, prebendaries, pilgrims, prophets, imaums, beneficiaries,
clerks, vicars-choral, archbishops, bishops, abbots, priors,
preachers, padres, abbotesses, caloyers, palmers, curates, patriarchs,
bonezs, santons, beadsmen, canonesses, residentiaries, diocesans,
deans, subdeans, rural deans, abdals, charm-sellers, archdeacons,
hierarchs, class-leaders, incumbents, capitulars, sheiks, talapoins,
postulants, scribes, gooroos, precentors, beadles, fakeers, sextons,
reverences, revivalists, cenobites, perpetual curates, chaplains,
mudjoes, readers, novices, vicars, pastors, rabbis, ulemas, lamas,
sacristans, vergers, dervises, lectors, church wardens, cardinals,
prioresses, suffragans, acolytes, rectors, cures, sophis, mutifs and
pumpums.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Infidels in all ages have battled for the rights of man, and have at
all times been the fearless advocates of liberty and justice.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
In fields in which hypotheses cannot be tested,
there is not such thing as being wrong.
%%
In filling out a job application, he put as his school, Vietnam,
Clash of 1973.
%%
In films murders are always very clean.  I show how difficult it is and
  what a messy thing it is to kill a man.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
%%
In fine, nothing is said now that has not been said before.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Eunuchus, The Prologue, 41
%%
:infinite: adj. Consisting of a large number of objects; extreme.
   Used very loosely as in: "This program produces infinite
   garbage."  "He is an infinite loser."  The word most likely to
   follow `infinite', though, is {hair}.  (It has been pointed out
   that fractals are an excellent example of infinite hair.)  These
   uses are abuses of the word's mathematical meaning.  The term
   `semi-infinite', denoting an immoderately large amount of some
   resource, is also heard.  "This compiler is taking a semi-infinite
   amount of time to optimize my program."  See also {semi}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:infinite loop: n. One that never terminates (that is, the machine
   {spin}s or {buzz}es forever and goes {catatonic}).  There
   is a standard joke that has been made about each generation's
   exemplar of the ultra-fast machine: "The Cray-3 is so fast it can
   execute an infinite loop in under 2 seconds!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Infinite-Monkey Theorem: n. "If you put an {infinite} number
   of monkeys at typewriters, eventually one will bash out the script
   for Hamlet."  (One may also hypothesize a small number of monkeys
   and a very long period of time.)  This theorem asserts nothing about
   the intelligence of the one {random} monkey that eventually
   comes up with the script (and note that the mob will also type out
   all the possible *incorrect* versions of Hamlet).  It may be
   referred to semi-seriously when justifying a {brute force}
   method; the implication is that, with enough resources thrown at
   it, any technical challenge becomes a {one-banana problem}.

   This theorem was first popularized by the astronomer Sir Arthur
   Eddington.  It became part of the idiom of through the classic short
   story "Inflexible Logic" by Russell Maloney, and many younger
   hackers know it through a reference in Douglas Adams's
   "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Infinite riches in a little room.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- The Jew of Malta, Act i
%%
Infinite space between her ears.
%%
Infinity is far out!
%%
 Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
 -- Gibb's Law
%%
Infinity is over-rated.
%%
Infinity is where you transfer from one parallel line to another.
%%
:infinity: n. 1. The largest value that can be represented in a
   particular type of variable (register, memory location, data type,
   whatever).  2. `minus infinity': The smallest such value, not
   necessarily or even usually the simple negation of plus infinity.
   In N-bit twos-complement arithmetic, infinity is
   2^(N-1) - 1 but minus infinity is - (2^(N-1)),
   not -(2^(N-1) - 1).  Note also that this is different from
   "time T equals minus infinity", which is closer to a
   mathematician's usage of infinity.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Infinity: Time on an ego trip.
 -- Jane Wagner
%%
Infirm of purpose!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Inflaming wine, pernicious to mankind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vi, Line 330
%%
Inflammation, Please!: Arthur Itis
%%
Inflatable dolls--the ad says, "She never has a headache." But you do,
 blowing her up.
 -- Robert Schimmel
%%
Inflation: being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.
%%
Inflation: fate worse than debt.
%%
Inflation is a result of legalized counterfeiting.
%%
INFLATION is when the BUCK does'nt stop ANYWHERE.
%%
Inflation is when the only thing free of charge is a rundown battery.
%%
Inflation: just a drop in the buck.
%%
Inflation rates testify to the worldwide popularity of wishful thinking.
%%
Inflation: when those who save for a rainy day get soaked.
%%
INFLUENCE, n.  In politics, a visionary _quo_ given in exchange for a
substantial _quid_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In for a penny, in for a pound, is that what you're saying Mister Data?
 -- Picard, "Pen Pals", stardate 42695.3
%%
In formal logic, a contradiction is the signal of defeat: but in
the evolution of real knowledge, it marks the first step in progress
toward victory.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken
 down.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Informationally deprived.
%%
Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people
whose job
it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%%
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
 -- Rule of Defactualization
%%
Information flows efficiently through organizations, except that
bad news encounters high impedance in flowing upwards.
 -- Paul Gray
%%
information - how the Blue Angels fly
%%
Information, informs us and forms us.
 -- Margaret Wheatley, Organizational Development writer
%%
Information is held on magnetic tape by a series of punched holes.
%%
Information is heresay, knowledge is an event
%%
Information is the currency of democracy.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Information is the inverse of entropy.
%%
Information necessitiating a change of design will be
 conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the
 plans are complete.
 (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)
 -- First Law of Revision
%%
Information Processing: What you call data processing when people are so
 disgusted with it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%%
Information Superhighway Names:  The Digital Backyard Barbecue.
%%
Information Technology permits small companies to look large
and large companies to feel small.
 -- Dr. Benn Konsynski, Emory University
%%
Information that is hard to access is worth less than none at all.
%%
INFORMATION THEORISTS analyze it with Wiener filters
%%
Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Information Vampire--giving a whole new meaning to the word BYTE.
%%
Information wants to be free.
%%
Informed rule or no rule at all.
%%
Infrasurvey: the test to see how far back the TV remote will work.
%%
In general, it is best to assume that the network is filled with malevolent
entities that will send in packets designed to have the worst possible effect
 -- the draft Requirements for Internet Hosts RFC
%%
In general, it's very hard to protect oneself against omnipotent beings.
 -- Barry Margolin (barmar@think.com) 9 Sep 89, <29114@news.Think.COM>
%%
In general the apes have fine, straight, and profuse hair.  Among
humans, these characters are most closely approximated in the
Caucasians.  Among blacks the hair is coiled and on the body it is
sparse; among Mongolians it is coarse, straight, and sparse.  Apes
have thin lips, another character most closely approached among the
Caucasians.  In man the spine is curved inward in the small of the
back; in the ape it is not.  In man this character is most pronounced
and least apelike in African blacks.
 -- James C. King
%%
  In general, [UNIX] has been hacked on by a plethora of graduate students for
many years.  When done this way, things don't tend to be reliable or
well-implemented.  I'm sure the designers of UNIX would like to have a clean
slate and start over.
 -- Dave Cutler, NT lead architect
%%
Ingen har nytte av et lik
%%
In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get- The Future!
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle in eastern Illinois (LA Times 10/19/88)
%%
In Germany, they came first for the communists, and I didn't speak up
because I wasn't a communist.  Then they came for the Jews, and I
didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.  Then they came for the trade
unionists but I didn't speak up because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was
a Protestant.  Then they came for me, and by that time nobody was left
to speak up.
 -- Martin Niemoeller, German Lutheran Pastor, Dachau, 1944
%%
ING: INquire and iGnore
%%
In giving advice seek to help, not to please, your friend.
 -- Solon
%%
In giving freedom to the slave we assure freedom to the free,--honorable
alike in what we give and what we preserve.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
 -- Second Annual Message to Congress, Dec. 1, 1862
%%
In Goddess I trust.  How about you?
%%
In God's wildness lies the hope of the world x the great fresh unblighted,
unredeemed wilderness. The galling harness of civilization drops off, and
wounds heal ere we are aware.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
In God We Trust. All others must show two forms of ID.
%%
In God we trust. All others require a credit check.
%%
In God We Trust. All others use the Call-Back Verifier.
%%
In God we trust, all others we polygraph.
 -- CIA Motto
%%
In God we trust. All others we voice verify.
%%
 \-----------------------------------------------------------------/
  \        In God we trust, everybody else must pay in cash       /
   \-------------------------------------------------------------/
%%
In God we trust. You pay in gold.
%%
InGoodShape := Copy(Beer,1,12);
%%
In good software, the simple things should be easy,
and the complicated things should be possible.
%%
Ingrate, n.:
   A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
indigestion.
%%
INGRATE, n.  One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise
an object of charity.

    "All men are ingrates," sneered the cynic.  "Nay,"
        The good philanthropist replied;
    "I did great service to a man one day
    Who never since has cursed me to repay,
                Nor vilified."

    "Ho!" cried the cynic, "lead me to him straight --
        With veneration I am overcome,
    And fain would have his blessing."  "Sad your fate --
    He cannot bless you, for AI grieve to state
                This man is dumb."
                                                            Ariel Selp
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ingratitude is the crack in the sewer that turns the sweet waters
of life into a running shit pot.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
Ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
 Ingredients: one bottle of whisky, ten pounds of raw meat.
 Throw the meat to huskies.
 Drink the whisky.
 -- The Real Man's Arctic Breakfast
%%
 Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
 sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
 Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
 Throw all the other ingredients away.
 -- The Real Man's Bloody Mary
%%
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on
the sidewalks when a concert is on.
%%
Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
%%
In handling a stinging insect, move very slowly.
 -- Lazurus Long
%%
In hardware engineering, Ohm's law and Maxwell's equations pale in
importance and influence next to Murphy's Law
 -- Gordon Bell
%%
In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
%%
In Heaven:
the cooks are French,
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian
and
the bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
the cooks are English,
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and
the bankers are Italian.
%%
In hell, it is always Monday.
 -- Dan D'Errico
%%
In her face excuse
Came prologue, and apology too prompt.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 853
%%
In her first passion woman loves her lover:
  In all the others, all she loves is love.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 3
%%
INHERITANCE
  If you are expecting a large inheritance when your grandparents
  snuff it, have you considered investing it in the Custard Unit
  Trust? The Custard Unit Trust has the full endorsement of the
  author of Toxic Custard, and has a guaranteed return of 20%(*).
      Custard Unit Trust has many and varied investments, but
  specialises in putting money into many of the best alcoholic
  beverage corporations and gambling establishments of this country.
      For a copy of the prospectus entitled "Throw Your Money Our
  Way", lodged with the Consumer Affairs Department in August 1993,
  ring Freecall 1800-123456.
                               (*) This means that you are guaranteed
                                  to get 20% of your investment back.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
In her tongue is the law of kindness.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxxi, 26
%%
In high school my parents told me I ran with the wrong crowd. I was a
 loner.
 -- Jeff Shaw
%%
In his '90 Usenix presentation, Dennis Ritchie reminded the audience that
Steve Jobs stood at the same podium a few years back and announced that
X-windows was brain-dead and would soon die.  "He was half-right.
Sometimes when you fill a vacuum, it still sucks."
 -- Dennis Ritchie, coinventor of UNIX, from an article in UNIX Today
%%
In his book titled "Quick C", Al Stevens gives us a quick rundown
on the origin, purpose and usefulness of so many programming
languages.

COBOL was designed so that managers could read code.
BASIC was designed for people who are not programmers.
FORTRAN is for scientists.
ADA comes from a committee - a government committee no less.
PILOT is for teachers.
PASCAL is for students.
LOGO is for children
APL is for martians.
FORTH, LISP and PROLOG are specialty languages.
C, however, is for programmers.
%%
In his college days, Dan Quayle was not all that smart. Once, he stayed up
 all night, simply studying for a blood test.
%%
In his errors a man is true to type.  Observe the errors and you will
 know the man.
 -- Confucius
 -- Analects, IV.7
%%
In his house he had a large looking-glass, before which he would stand
and go through his exercises.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Demosthenes
%%
In his old lunes again.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
In his owen grese I made him frie.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Reves Tale, Line 6069
%%
In his private heart no man much respects himself.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
In hollow murmurs died away.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- The Passions, Line 68
%%
In Hollywood a starlet is the name for any woman under thirty who is not
 actively employed in a brothel.
 -- Ben Hecht
%%
In hope to merit heaven by making earth a hell.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 20
%%
In idle wishes fools supinely stay;
Be there a will, and wisdom finds a way.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- The Birth of Flattery
%%
INI: Ignore Next Instruction
%%
In Illinois, to cut hair requires a license for which the holder must
 qualify by months of expensive study. That same person can walk and and
 plunk down a few bucks, get a marriage license and get hitched in a matter
 of just a few minutes. This is a land of law and order, not necessarily of
 common sense.
%%
In India, cold weather is merely a conventional phrase and has come
into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish
between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which
will only make it mushy.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
In indolent vacuity of thought.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 297
%%
In'I no expect to be justified by the laws of men.
 -- Bob Marley
%%
"In Iraq" by I. Rhoda Cammel
%%
Initailize: Carving your initials on a floppy disk.
%%
In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror,
murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci
and the Renaissance.  In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they
had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did that produce?
 The cuckoo clock.
 -- Orson Welles, The Third Man, 1949
%%
:initgame: /in-it'gaym/ [IRC] n. An {IRC} version of the
   venerable trivia game "20 questions", in which one user changes
   his {nick} to the initials of a famous person or other named
   entity, and the others on the channel ask yes or no questions, with
   the one to guess the person getting to be "it" next.  As a
   courtesy, the one picking the initials starts by providing a
   4-letter hint of the form sex, nationality, life-status,
   reality-status.  For example, MAAR means "Male, American, Alive,
   Real" (as opposed to "fictional").  Initgame can be surprisingly
   addictive.  See also {hing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Initiative comes to those who wait.
%%
In it's former life, my computer was a Cray...
%%
Init string?!? No, looks like an old rope to me.....
%%
...in Jane Fonda's back yard before they are born
and get to pray in school and go to fight in El Salvador.
%%
 In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife.  (Heeeeee-YAH!
 Sound of smashing box of kleenex.)  But this method doesn't work
 with a telephone call...  (Dial tone.)  Introducing the all-new
 Ginsu answering machine!  It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices
 your incoming calls!  How much would you pay?  Don't answer,
 because if you leave your name and number when you hear the
 tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
INJECTION
  Medical procedure especially developed to scare the shit out of the
  patient, and give the doctor a feeling of power. "Just sit very
  still, Mr Jones, while I stick this bloody great needle in you.
  Now, is that new, or did I use it on that drug addict... No no,
  fairly sure it's a new one. Just sit still Mr Jones. You may feel
  unbearable pain as the spike rips through your skin. If you wish to
  scream so the patients in the waiting room can hear you, please do
  so."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
 (In Joe Friday voice:)  This is Constable Augie of the Canadian
 Security and Intelligence Service.  The phone line you have just
 dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by
 the Attorney General of Canada.  To facilitate our
 investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name,
 number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made
 now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations.
 Thank you.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
In judging others, folks will work overtime for no pay.
 -- Charles Edwin Carruthers
%%
INJURY, n.  An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
 -- Martin Luther King
%%
 Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
INJUSTICE, n.  A burden which of all those that we load upon others
and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the
back.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Injustice, swift, erect, and unconfin'd,
Sweeps the wide earth, and tramples o'er mankind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book ix, Line 628
%%
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
%%
In keeping silent about evil, in burying it so deep within us that no
sign of it appears on the surface, we are implanting it, and it will rise
up a thousand-fold in the future.
 -- Solzhenitsyn
%%
In Kentucky, the law plainly states that every citizen must take a bath at
 least one time each year, need it or not. People from Kentucky always were
 a little uppity.
%%
In Kenya they don't drive on the right or left side of the street
in particular, just on whichever side is smoother.
%%
I nkhat my ylkcu rtsas I'm nto urtitspsiuose.
%%
In King Cambyses' vein.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
INK, n.  A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic and
water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote
intellectual crime.  The properties of ink are peculiar and
contradictory:  it may be used to make reputations and unmake them; to
blacken them and to make them white; but it is most generally and
acceptably employed as a mortar to bind together the stones of an
edifice of fame, and as a whitewash to conceal afterward the rascal
quality of the material.  There are men called journalists who have
established ink baths which some persons pay money to get into, others
to get out of.  Not infrequently it occurs that a person who has paid
to get in pays twice as much to get out.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Inknition: the metal clicker at the top of ball point pens.
%%
Ink:  substance to apply before using liquid paper.  Liquid Paper:  see ink.
%%
In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations
 are continuing ...
 -- George Carlin
%%
In language, clarity is everything.
 -- Confucius
%%
In larger things we are convivial; What causes trouble is the trivial.
 -- Richard Armour
%%
In large states public education will always be mediocre, for the
same reason that in large kitchens the cooking is usually bad.
 -- F. W. Nietzsche, Human All-too-Human, I,1878
%%
In later life, as in earlier, only a few persons influence the formation
of our character; the multitude pass us by like a distant army.  One
friend, one teacher, one beloved, one club, one dining table, one
work table are the means by which one's nation and the spirit of one's
nation affect the individual.
 -- Jean Paul Richter
%%
In law, what plea so tainted and corrupt
But being season'd with a gracious voice
Obscures the show of evil?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
In lazy apathy let stoics boast
Their virtue fix'd: 't is fix'd as in a frost;
Contracted all, retiring to the breast;
But strength of mind is exercise, not rest.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 101
%%
In Leningrad freezing point is called melting point.
%%
In letters themes reports articles and stuff like
   that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.
 -- Writing Rule 11
%%
In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
%%
In life, it is not what you know or who you know that counts -- it is both!
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
In life's morning march, when my bosom was young.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- The Soldier's Dream
%%
In life's small things be resolute and great
To keep thy muscle trained: know'st thou when Fate
Thy measure takes, or when she 'll say to thee,
"I find thee worthy; do this deed for me"?
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Epigram
%%
In life there is but one bad thing and one good; both of them are women.
%%
In life try to get what you like otherwise you shall
be forced to like what you get.
%%
In London there are two house that do not exist. They have been
 hoaxing people for over 120 years. Numbers 23 and 24 Leinster
 Gardens in London's Bayswater look like two 19th-century terraced
 houses from the front - but they are fakes. Built in 1868, they
 consist simply of a frontage and were designed to conceal the
 presence of an underground railway line which runs beneath the
 street.
%%
In Los Angeles, McDonalds quickly reacted to the
 highway shootings. They came out with 'Happy To Be
 Alive Meals.'
 -- Al Clethen
%%
In love and war, don't seek counsel.
 -- French proverb
%%
In lover's quarrels, the party that loves most is always most willing
to acknowledge the greater fault.
 -- Scott
%%
In love there are two evils: war and peace.
%%
In love there is but little rest.
 -- Chaucer
%%
In Lowes Crossroads, Delaware, it is a violation of local law for any
pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while
either flying or waiting to board a plane.
%%
    In magic, as in all true professions, there are rules by which you must
play. At least, you must play by them until such time as you can get away with
something else.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. I (Preface)
%%
In making theories, always keep a window open so that you can throw one
out if necessary.
 -- Bela Schick
%%
In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.
 -- CBS reporter during the solar eclipse
 -- from Larry Klaes (Maynard, MA, USA)
%%
In many if not most elections, the consequences come to about the same
 result as two bald men fighting over a comb. Whichever one gets elected is
 going to commission the design of a new comb, and it is going to be
 expensive. Of course, most government expenditures are not as significant
 as the purchase of a new comb, but the point is made.
%%
In many ways this is Allan Lamb.
%%
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of
 the enemy.
%%
In marriage, being the right person is as important
as finding the right person.
 -- W.D. Gough
%%
In marriage, the bride gets a shower, but for the groom it's curtains!
%%
In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
 -- Butler
%%
In matters of belief, he who is absolutely sure he is right
is almost certainly dead wrong.
 -- Kelvin Throop
%%
In matters of conscience, the law of majority has no place.
 -- Mohandas K. Gandhi
%%
In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.
 -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
In matters of principle, stand like a rock;
in matters of taste, swim with the current.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
In matters of religion and matrimony I never give advice; because I will
 have no man's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
In memoriam: Frank Vincent Zappa (Dec. 21, 1940 - Dec. 4, 1993)
%%
In memoriam: Gene Roddenberry (1921-1991)
%%
In memory of Richard Nixon...I promise to.....
%%
In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless
there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red
flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
%%
In men this blunder still you find,--
All think their little set mankind.
 -- Hannah More (1745-1833)
 -- Florio, Part i
%%
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day, the glowing of such fire.
 -- Tennyson
%%
In Mexico we have a word for sushi:   Bait.
 -- Jose Simon
%%
In mirth that after no repenting draws.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Sonnet xxi, To Cyriac Skinner
%%
In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most,
it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing.
 -- Owen D. Young
%%
   In modern Europe, as in ancient Greece, it would seem that even inanimate
objects have sometimes been punished for their misdeeds.  After the revocation
of the edict of Nantes, in 1685, the Protestant chapel at La Rochelle was
condemned to be demolished, but the bell, perhaps out of regard for its value,
was spared.  However, to expiate the crime of having rung heretics to prayers,
it was sentenced to be first whipped, and then buried and disinterred, by way
of symbolizing its new birth at passing into Catholic hands.  Thereafter it
was catechized, and obliged to recant and promise that it would never again
relapse into sin.  Having made this ample and honourable amends, the bell was
reconciled, baptized, and given, or rather sold, to the parish of St.
Bartholomew.  But when the governer sent in the bill for the bell to the
parish authorities, they declined to settle it, alleging that the bell, as
a recent convert to Catholicism, desired to take advantage of the law lately
passed by the king, which allowed all new converts a delay of three years in
paying their debts.
 -- Sir James G. Frazer, _Folklore In The Old Testament_
%%
In modern music, when two people sing at the same time, it is not so much a
 duet as a duel.
%%
iNMOP 3PISdn 6NIhlJ SI 3SIJdJ3LN3 dIHSJVLS 3HL
%%
In morals, what begins in fear usually ends in wickedness; in religion,
what begins in fear usually ends in fanaticism. Fear, either as a
principle or a motive, is the beginning of all evil.
 -- Mrs. Jameson
%%
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
%%
In much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth
sorrow.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes i, 18
%%
In music one must think with the heart and feel with the brain.
 -- George Szell
%%
In Music, the next best thing to a Lerner, is a Lowe.
%%
In my attempt to hit a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
In my car, I can drive 200 miles and the gas gauge stays on full. Just 20
 feet after that 200 mile mark, and the gauge drops dead and falls to near
 empty. Why?
%%
In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no
more of it than we had earned.
 -- Jane Haddam
%%
In my end is my beginning.
%%
In my family, Crazy is a relative term.
%%
In my Father's house are many mansions.
 -- New Testament
 -- John xiv, 2
%%
In my heart it is spring.
%%
In my hot youth, when George the Third was king.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 212
%%
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never
 have to go upstairs.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
In my Lucia's absence Life hangs upon me, and becomes a burden; I
am ten times undone, while hope, and fear, And grief, and rage and
love rise up at once, And with variety of pain distract me.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
In my mind's eye, Horatio.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
In my music, I'm trying to play the truth of what I am.  The reason
it's difficult is because I'm changing all the time.
 -- Charles Mingus
%%
In my next life I'm coming back as my cat!
%%
In my opinion I think that an author when he is
   writing shouldn't get into the habit of making use of
   too many unnecessary words that he does not really need.
 -- Writing Rule 16
%%
In my opinion, Richard Stallman wouldn't recognise terrorism if it
came up and bit him on his Internet.
 -- Ross M. Greenberg
%%
In my opinion, television validates existence.
%%
In my school-days, when I had lost one shaft,
I shot his fellow of the selfsame flight
The selfsame way, with more advised watch,
To find the other forth; and by adventuring both,
I oft found both.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
In my view, God educates us through our deceptions and mistakes, in
order to make us understand at last that we ought to believe only
in Him, and not in man.
%%
In my youth I wanted to be a great pantomimist--but I found I had nothing
 to say.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
In naked beauty more adorn'd,
More lovely than Pandora.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 713
%%
In nakedness I behold the majesty of the essential instead of the trappings
of pretension.
 -- Horatio Greenough
%%
In `Nam, the F1 key was not the "HELP" key = FIRE ONE!
%%
INNATE, adj.  Natural, inherent -- as innate ideas, that is to say,
ideas that we are born with, having had them previously imparted to
us.  The doctrine of innate ideas is one of the most admirable faiths
of philosophy, being itself an innate idea and therefore inaccessible
to disproof, though Locke foolishly supposed himself to have given it
"a black eye."  Among innate ideas may be mentioned the belief in
one's ability to conduct a newspaper, in the greatness of one's
country, in the superiority of one's civilization, in the importance
of one's personal affairs and in the interesting nature of one's
diseases.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In nature, nothing is ever right. therefore,
 if everything is going right... SOMETHING IS WRONG.
%%
In nature's infinite book of secrecy
A little I can read.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences.
 -- Robert Ingersoll (Lectures and Essays, 3d Series, Some Reasons Why, iii)
%%
In need of a good reformatting.
%%
In need of a rest? Quaff a potion of sickness!
%%
In need of a ROM upgrade.
%%
Inner peace results when behavior is based on correct principles.
%%
In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
In New York crime is getting worse. I was there the other day. The Statue
 of Liberty had both hands up.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
Innocence gave me confidence to go up against reality.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
Innocence, innocence, innocence lost,
All souls want it back, some uncover the cost.
Innocence, innocence, innocence lost,
Break free, look at me, is your innocence lost?
 -- From the song "Innocence Lost" by Steve Taylor
%%
Innocence is always unsuspicious.
 -- Haliburton
%%
Innocence, most often, is good fortune and not a virtue.
 -- Anatole France
%%
Innocent-------- and Horny [picture of unicorn]
%%
Innocent women
 -- Oxymoron
%%
In no event will the author be liable for ANY damages
arising from the use, misuse, abuse, inability to use, etc., etc., of
this program, even if it were to initiate a complete mass to energy
conversion of your personal computer, thus reducing the state in which
you reside to a smoldering ruin.  This program is distributed "as is"
and the user assumes all risks.  If these terms are unacceptable I hereby
grant the user the right to erase this program from any storage medium
said user may own or use.
 -- DISCLAIMER
 -- disclaimer found on a piece of freeware.
%%
In notes by distance made more sweet.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- The Passions, Line 60
%%
In NOTORIOUS, Claude Reins' Nazi Mom says to him:
   You have been saved by the enormity of your stupidity
%%
Innovation for the holders of conventional wisdom is not novelty,
 but annihilation.
 -- Marshal McLuhan
%%
Innovation is hard to schedule.
 -- Dan Fylstra
%%
Innovations in law, whether good or bad, spin an entangling weave
far more often than they sew a straight stitch. Division of labor
can make for great efficiency; too great a division of labor in lawmaking
can instead create a crazy quilt.
 -- Michael Scully
%%
Innuendo: Italian for where you hang your curtains.
%%
Innuendo: Where your cat sits to look outside at the birds.
%%
In numbers warmly pure and sweetly strong.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- Ode to Simplicity
%%
Innumerable as the stars of night,
Or stars of morning, dewdrops which the sun
Impearls on every leaf and every flower.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 745
%%
In object oriented programming the children all inherit the properties of the
parent. And there are no inheritance or property taxes!
%%
In Ocean City, New Jersey, law forbids the sale of cabbage on the
Sabbath.
%%
In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as
to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the
speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
%%
In one recent accounting, [the] Bureau of Indian Affairs financial
wizards valued three chain saws at $99 million each.
 -- U.S. News & World Report, 2/22/93
%%
INOP: Indirect No-OP
%%
In order for something to become clean, something else must
become dirty.
 -- Imbesi's Law of the Conservation of Filth
. . . but you can get everything dirty without getting
anything clean.
 -- Freeman's Extension
%%
In order not to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that
 child's parent or grandparent.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant.
 -- Charles de Gaulle
%%
In order to be, never try to seem.
%%
In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else
 has thought of.
 -- Robert Schumann
%%
In order to draw a limit to thinking, we should have to think both sides of
this limit.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus
%%
In order to form an excellent and efficient committee, only three people
 are required. Additional to this, one needs to be absent and one needs to
 be sick. On such rare occasions as happen when these circumstances come
 together, you have that threatened species of animal, the perfect
 committee.
%%
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
 -- John's Collateral Corollary
%%
In order to keep engineers and scientists cognizant of the importance of
xprogress, load them down with forms, multiple reports, and frequent meetings.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
In order to learn, one must change one's mind.
 -- Orson Scott Card
%%
In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom.  It is not
always an easy sacrifice.
 -- The Messiah's Handbook
%%
In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
 -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
%%
In order to make [a person] covet a thing, it is only necessary to
make the thing difficult to attain.
 -- Samuel Clemens
%%
In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to
 lie and cheat.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
"In order to save whales could you please write on both sides of the paper."
 -- Graham Leary, Mathematics II Test
%%
In Order to see what few have seen,
you must go where few have gone, and do what few have done.
%%
    In order to solve this differential equation you look at
it until a solution occurs to you.
 -- Quoted by George Polya
%%
In order to succeed in any enterprise, one must be persistent and patient.
Even if one has to run some risks, one must be brave and strong enough to
meet and overcome vexing challenges to maintain a successful business in
the long run. I cannot help saying that Americans lack this necessary
challenging spirit today.
 -- Hajime Karatsu
%%
In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do
the next time.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
In order to write about life, first you must live it!
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
In Oregon, the State Legislature has come up with a State Nut. This is
 unlikely to happen in Missouri, since there are too many candidates.
%%
Inorganic Chemistry: That which is left over after the organic, analytical,
   and physical chemists get through picking over the
   periodic table.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
In other words, psychoanalysts relieve their patients from
feeling guilty about things of which they are not guilty,
and leave them with the sense of guilt about things of which
they really are guilty.
 -- Gregory Zilboorg, "Psychoanalysis and Religion"
%%
I noticed that some household columns suggest that people use elbow grease
for cleaning. After a long and fruitless search, I still have been unable to
find this amazing product. Could you tell me where to buy it?
%%
I notice that you stole one of my taglines tho....
%%
I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
In our apartment house we have a very scientific plumbing system. Every
 apartment has three pipes running through it. One for hot water, one for
 cold water, and one to bang on when there is no hot or cold water.
 -- Ed Wynn
%%
In our century, we've learned not to fear words.
 -- Uhura, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.4.
%%
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government,
 intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from
 the cares of office.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly fishing.  We
lived at the junction of great trout rivers in western Montana, and our father
was a Presbyterian minister and a fly fisherman who tied his own flies and
taught others.  He told us about Christ's diciples being fishermen, and were
left to assume, as my brother and I did, that all first-class fisherman on
the Sea of Galilee were dry fishermen and that John, the favorite, was a
dry-fly fisherman.
 -- "A River Runs Through It", by Norman Maclean, page 1
%%
In our haste to deal with the things that are wrong, let us not upset
the things that are right.
%%
In our last congressional elections, there was less turnover in the House
 of Representatives than there was in the Soviet Politburo:   98.5% of the
 incumbents were reelected!
 -- John McCormick, _Self-Made In America_
%%
In our society, sometimes you have to penalize (innocent) people for
the good of everybody else.
 -- A Pittsburgh Cop 10/16/93
%%
In our society, the Republicans set out to prove that the Democrats can not
 be trusted to run the government. And the Democrats set out to prove that
 the Republicans can not be trusted to run our government. The real problem
 here is that both the Democrats and the Republicans have come up with
 something which is absolutely true and perfectly correct. This means that
 the people get to pull some sort of horrible trick on themselves and live
 with their choice for four years.
%%
Inouye shoulda been able to get in...
%%
I no wanna work, I wanna bang on keyboard all day...
%%
I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal
 in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast.
 -- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
I now have no time to be tired.
 -- Wilhelm I, 8 March 1888
%%
I now pronounce you men and wives.
%%
In painting you must give the idea of the true by means of the false:
 -- Degas
%%
In Palm Springs, they think that homelessness is caused by
bad divorce lawyers.
 -- Gary Trudeau, "Doonesbury", cartoon strip
%%
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did
  succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
In part to blame is she,
Which hath without consent bin only tride:
He comes to neere that comes to be denide.
 -- Sir Thomas Overbury (1581-1613)
 -- A Wife, St. 36
%%
In peace, as a wise man, he should make suitable preparation for war.
 -- Horace (65-8 BC)
 -- Satires, ii, 2, (111.)
%%
INPEACH CLINTON!, AND GET HER HUSBAND TOO!
%%
In pioneer Utah, Mormon girls tended to marry Young.
%%
In place of infinity we usually put some really big number, like 15.
 -- Anonymous Computer Science professor
%%
In pleasant times, we feel less time urgency
and in unpleasant times we feel more.
%%
In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds
and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
%%
In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that The carrying
of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public
view.
%%
    In political discussion heat is in inverse proportion to
knowledge.
 -- J.G.C. Minchin
%%
In politics, he gives twice who gives soon, since he will be called upon
 quickly to give again.
%%
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything
 done, ask a woman.
 -- Margaret Thatcher
%%
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
In politics, what begins in fear usually ends in folly.
 -- Coleridge
%%
In practical life, the woman is judged by man's law,
as if she were a man, not a woman.
 -- Henrik Ibsen
%%
In precise mathematical terms, 1 + 1 = 2, where '=' is a
symbol meaning, 'is seldom if ever.'
 -- Addendum to Murphy's Law
%%
In pride, in reasoning pride, our error lies;
All quit their sphere, and rush into the skies.
Pride still is aiming at the blest abodes:
Men would be angels, angels would be gods.
Aspiring to be gods, if angels fell,
Aspiring to be angels, men rebel.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 123
%%
In principle I am against principles.
 -- Tristan Tzara
%%
Input - Food, whiskey, beer, aspirin, etc.
%%
Input/Output.  All you computer people think about is sex.
 -- SLR
%%
In putting off what one ought to do, one runs the risk of not being able to
 do it, and this is a risk I am more than willing to take.
%%
In quietness and confidence will be your strength...
 -- Isaiah
%%
Inquiring minds already think they know!
%%
Inquiring minds couldn't care less!
%%
Inquiring minds WANT TO KNOW!
%%
Inquiry is fatal to certainty.
 -- Will Durant
%%
Inquisitive people are the funnels of conversation; they do not take
in anything for their own use, but merely to pass it to another.
 -- Steele
%%
Inquisitor: Because, like all who stand before the Inquisitor, you're
 judge shall be ... yourself.
Rimmer:     Oh SMEG.
 -- Red Dwarf 'Inquisitor'
%%
In rage deaf as the sea, hasty as fire.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
    In reality, though, the first thing to ask of history is
that it should point out to us the paths of liberty.  The
great lesson to draw from revolutions is not that they devour
humanity but rather that tyranny never fails to generate them.
 -- Pierre Trudeau
%%
In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends
upon the name it bears.  Things are not only what they are.  They
are, in very important respects, what they seem to be.
 -- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911-78)
%%
In recognizing AT&T Bell Laboratories for corporate innovation, for its
invention of cellular mobile communications, IEEE President Russell C. Drew
referred to the cellular telephone as a "basic necessity."  How times have
changed, one observer remarked: many in the room recalled the advent of
direct dialing.
 -- The Institute, July 1988, pg. 11
%%
In records that defy the tooth of time.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- The Statesman's Creed
%%
In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he
 received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has
 not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that
 If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.
 -- Dennis Miller, SNL News
%%
In regard to body language, there are some who speak a better class of
 language than others.
%%
 In respect to lock-making, there can scarcely be such a thing as dishonesty
 of intention: the inventor produces a lock which he honestly thinks will
 possess such and such qualities; and he declares his belief to the world.
 If others differ from him in opinion concerning those qualities, it is open
 to them to say so; and the discussion, truthfully conducted, must lead to
 public advantage: the discussion stimulates curiosity, and curiosity stimu-
 lates invention.  Nothing but a partial and limited view of the question
 could lead to the opinion that harm can result: if there be harm, it will be
 much more than counterbalanced by good.
 -- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks,
    published around 1850.
%%
In Response to the Heavy Mail Department: I did not say that Dan Quayle was
 so dumb he flunked his blood test. I know for a fact that his grade was D+,
 so I did not say that. Please do not accuse me of saying things I did not
 say.
%%
In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our symptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
%%
INR: INstigate Rumor
%%
In rivers and bad governments, the lightest things swim to the top.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
(in Robotman's spaceship)
Robotman: Wait 'til I get this baby cruisin'...We'll be movin' faster than
light!
Oscar Milde: But Einstein said nothing can go faster than light!
Robotman: Normally, that's true.  But you can go faster than light when you go
downhill...
Oscar: Wow...Einstein made a mistake!
Robotman: Be easy on him. Even geniuses have bad days...
%%
Insane little animals... ferrets, I mean.
%%
:insanely great: adj. [Mac community, from Steve Jobs; also BSD UNIX
   people via Bill Joy] Something so incredibly {elegant} that it is
   imaginable only to someone possessing the most puissant of
   {hacker}-natures.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
 -- R. D. Lang
%%
Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties,
 nations and epochs, it is the rule.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), Beyond Good annd Evil
%%
Insanity is all in the mind.
%%
Insanity is for those incapable of handling Cthulhu.
%%
Insanity is fun if you do it right.
%%
Insanity is hereditary. You can get it from your children.
 -- Sam Levenson
%%
Insanity is just a state of mind.
%%
Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the
salesman is
sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
%%
Insanity, its not just a plea. Its a way of life.
%%
Insanity runs in my family; it practically gallops...
%%
Insanity --- The ORIGINAL artificial reality.
%%
In Santa Clara it is forbidden to dedicate parking spaces to the patron
saint of television.
%%
Insatiate archer! could not one suffice?
Thy shaft flew thrice, and thrice my peace was slain;
And thrice, ere thrice yon moon had filled her horn.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 212
%%
In school, every period ends with a bell.  Every sentence ends with a period.
 Every crime ends with a sentence.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
In school I was never the class clown, but more of the class trapeze
 artist, as I was always being suspended ... Once the teacher said, "Emo,
 what's five-nineteenths divided by four-fifteenths?" and my brain began to
 bleed. She said, "Take it easy. What's our common denominator?" I said, "A
 fondness for little girls?"
 -- Emo Philips
%%
In science as in love, too much concentration on technique can often
lead to impotence.
 -- P. L. Berger
%%
In science, "fact" can only mean "confirmed to such a degree that
it would be perverse to withhold provisional assent."  I suppose that
apples might start to rise tomorrow, but the possibility does not
merit equal time in physics classrooms.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould
%%
In science, it doesn't matter if you're wrong, as long
as you're not stupid. In business, it doesn't matter if
you're stupid, so long as you're not wrong.
%%
In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a
really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would
actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them
again.   They really do it.  It doesn't happen as often as it should,
because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful.  But it
happens every day.  I cannot recall the last time someting like that
happened in politics or religion.
 -- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP Keynote Address
%%
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by
everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the
exact opposite.
 -- Paul Dirac (1902-1984)
%%
In science, right conduct consists of evaluating evidence honestly and
according to the canons of scientific reasoning.  To misrepresent the
evidence and the criteria of judgement is not merely to provide
misinformation; it is to set an example of dishonesty.  Telling lies
to naive and trusting young persons is bad.  Doing so for the purpose
of proselytizing is worse.
 -- biologist Michael T. Ghiselin
%%
In science the credit goes to the man who convinces the
world, not to the man to whom the idea first occurs.
 -- Sir William Osler
%%
In search for the perfect comm program...
%%
In search of a new paradigm.
%%
In search of Bob's brain.
%%
In search of cognitive dissonance...
%%
In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that
is over six feet in length.
%%
INSECTICIDE
  Insecticide is a wondrous substance used to kill poor little
  innocent insects, whose only fault is that they like crapping in
  your food, nibbling on your skin, and buzzing around. But why use
  conventional insecticide when you can use DDT?! From a real advert
  for DDT, circa 1947:
        "To keep your dog free of fleas and protected from ticks,
        dust him once a month with Taylor's Number 13 DDT Powder.
        Happy dog - he can't bring fleas into the house anymore!"
  ...because he's outside dying on the lawn, no doubt. Rover! Get up!
  And put your fur back on!
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
INSECTIVORA, n.
    "See," cries the chorus of admiring preachers,
    "How Providence provides for all His creatures!"
    "His care," the gnat said, "even the insects follows:
    For us He has provided wrens and swallows."
                                                         Sempen Railey
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
Insert a blank disk into C: and press [ENTER].
%%
Insert appropriate tagline here.
%%
Insert brain, then type
%%
Insert DF0: in any drive.
%%
Insert disk 5 of 4 and press any key to continue.
%%
Insert diskette in Drive C. Press [ENTER] to continue...
%%
Insert disk with \HURTME.COM and strike Worf when ready.
%%
Insert dynamite in drive B: light fuse when ready...
%%
Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice.
%%
Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready.
%%
Insert prong A into hole B and twist HARD!
%%
Insert Snazzy Tagline here __________________
%%
Insert the disk at your own risk!
%%
Insert Witty Tagline Here ...
%%
Insert your card magnetic stripe down.
%%
In shallow waters, shrimps make fools of dragons.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
In short, a German spy is giving way every one of our battle plans.
You look surprised, Blackadder.
I cerainly am, sir. I didn't realise we _had_ any battle plans.
 -- Cpt. Darling, Melchett and Edmund : General Hospital
%%
In short, members of the United States Congress enjoy more job security
than members of the Supreme Soviet.
 -- CNN: 7 Nov 1990, 12:15 AM EST
%%
In short, N is Richardian if, and only if, N is not Richardian.
%%
Inside a shop you better take a look at the price tags before buying anything.
%%
Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine
struggling to be free.
 -- Rhode's Corollary to Hoare's Law
%%
Inside every fat person is a thin person. The fat one ate him.
%%
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
 -- Hoare's Law of Large Problems
%%
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
 -- Terry Pratchett.
%%
Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in pain.
%%
Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.
 -- The Schainker Converse to Hoare's Law of Large Problems
%%
INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Inside, I'm already SOBBING!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Inside the Barney suit - God's sentence to John Hammond for playing God.
%%
Inside the museum infinity goes up on trial. Voices echo, 'This is what
    salvation must be like after a while.'  But Mona Lisa must have had the
  highway blues; you can tell by the way she smiles.
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
Inside this fat body there's a skinny person screaming to get out.  I ate her.
%%
Insight is often mistaken for madness.
 -- Sir George Hutchinson, THE AWAKENING
%%
 In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus
 one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong
 way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.
 -- Corollary to the First Law of Revision
%%
Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to
live in the real world.
 -- Mary Shafer, NASA Ames Dryden
%%
In six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea and all that in them is -
he was self-employed.
%%
In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), Prudence
%%
In small proportions we just beauties see,
And in short measures life may perfect be.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Underwoods. To the immortal Memory of Sir Lucius Cary and Sir
 -- Henry Morison, III
%%
In sober state,
Through the sequestered vale of rural life,
The venerable patriarch guileless held
The tenor of his way.
 -- Beilby Porteus (1731-1808)
 -- Death, Line 108
%%
Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care
 what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything
 you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness.
 Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to
 insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the
 destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be,
 be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to
 insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as
 your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be
 yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your
 receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this
 thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen.

 -- Madrak, in _Creatures of Light and Darkness_, by Roger Zelazny
%%
Insofar as love expresses itself, it is not expressing itself in terms of
 socially approved manners of life.   That's why it is all so secret.  Love
 has nothing to do with social order.  It is a higher spiritual experience
 than that of socially organized marriage.
 -- Joseph Campbell
%%
Insofar as my employer has coherent
opinions they are unlikely to be mine.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
 In so far as virus-makers have any discernible motive, they
    presumably feel vaguely anarchistic.  I appeal to them: do you really
   want to pave the way for a new fat-cat profession
   ['software-doctors']? If not, stop playing at silly memes, and put
   your modest programming talents to better use.
 -- Richard Dawkings:
 -- The Selfish Gene
%%
In solitude, where we are least alone.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 90
%%
In some circles, "666" has a bad connotation. For example, take the name of
 Ronald Wilson Reagan. It equals 666! Won the Presidency with the slogan:
 "Let me sleep in the Whitehouse. Everyone's got to sleep somewhere."
%%
In some places it's known as a tornado.  In others, a cyclone. And
in still others, the Idiot's Merry-go-round.  But around here they'll
always be known as screw-boys.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
In some sort of crude sense which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement,
can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge
which they cannot lose.
 -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
%%
In some ways, yesterday seems long ago;
 In other ways it seems like only yesterday....
%%
Insomnia cures snoring.
%%
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
%%
In space, farts are silent, but the smell lasts forever.
%%
In space, no one can hear you fart.
%%
In space, no one can hear you flame.
 -- Tim P Scott, scott@spectra.com
%%
In space, no one can hear you rip a stinky.
%%
In space, no one can hear you scream.
%%
In specifications, Murphy's Law supercedes Ohm's.
 -- Klipstein's Law of Specification
%%
Inspected by:  #15.
%%
Inspect every piece of pseudoscience and you will find a security blanket,
a thumb to suck, a skirt to hold.  What have we to offer in exchange?
Uncertainty!  Insecurity!
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
INSPECTOR END OF FILM: Move along.  There's nothing to see!  Keep moving!
   [Suddenly he notices the cameras.]
INSPECTOR END OF FILM: (to Camera) All right, put that away sonny.
   [He walks over to it and puts his hand over the lens.]
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Inspired by Brown's "Take Back America".
I'd like to see this on somebody's bumper:
   TAKE AMERICA BACK!
   We want a refund!
%%
Inspiring, bold John Barleycorn,
What dangers thou canst make us scorn!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
 In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
 is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
 -- G's Third Law
 There is no magic...
 -- H's Dictum
%%
In spite of the cost of living it is still popular.
 -- Kathleen Norris
%%
In spite of the recent progress in science, the depths of human imbecility
have not yet been plumbed.
 -- H. Ellis
%%
In spite of what you may have heard, it is permissible to yell "FIRE!" in a
 theatre, particularly if the theater is on fire.
%%
In spring, an old man's stomach turns.
 -- Larry Siegel
%%
INSQSW  Insert into queue somewhere (for FINO queues [First in never out])
%%
instable - where horses sleep
%%
Installation and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will
be promptly discarded by the Receiving Department.
%%
Installation recommended (not included).
%%
Install failed. Attempting to transfer virus to c:
%%
Installing unix fixes the [VMS] bug.
%%
Instant asshole: Just add alcohol.
%%
Instant cassettes: out in the stores BEFORE the movie is finished!
%%
Instant gratification has its merits.
%%
"Instant gratification is not fast enough."
 -- Suzanne Vega, "Postcards from the Edge"
%%
Instant Gratification takes too long...
%%
Instant Human: Just Add Coffee...
%%
Instant Human: Just add diet coke . . .
%%
Instant idiot! Just add alcohol.
%%
Instant Programmer: Just add caffeine
%%
Instant sex will never be better than the kind you have to peel and cook.
%%
Instant swimmer. Just add water.
%%
Instant water just add er.. um.. ??!!
%%
Instant XT...Just add Windows.
%%
In statements involving two word phrases,
make an all out effort to use hyphens.
%%
"Instead of all of this energy and effort directed at the war
to end drugs, how about a little attention to drugs which will
end war?"
 -- Albert Hofmann
%%
Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun?  It's cheaper than a dog, plus
 if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the
 way.  Cars, too!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window?  The guy looks out it, and if
 he leans too far, he falls out.  Wait.  I guess that's like a regular window.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Instead of being born again, why not just grow up?
%%
Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS?
 It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Instead of crying over spilt milk go milk another cow.
%%
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why
don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from
learning anything?   If it works as good as the Prohibition one did,
why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them
 "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all
 be brothers?
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.
 -- Edgar W. Howe
%%
Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone?  That
 way, he learns that "wishing" isn't going to save out national forests.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and
 catching some rays?  Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway;
 that's my point.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Instead of the Miss America Pageant I could enter the Miss Neurosis
 Pageant. Among my hobbies are stewing in my own juices and blowing things
 out of proportion.
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, mankind
 should be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Instead of using a loom, we've going to wind all the
yarn into balls and adopt an infinite number of kittens.
%%
Instead of worrying about my clothes, I could be someone that nobody
 knows.
 -- Sting
%%
In ((STEREO)) where available.
%%
Instinct is intelligence incapable of self-consciousness.
%%
Instruction address trace is the systems little
black book, chock full of the addresses of all
those important instructions
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 12.0 Chapter 12.  Instruction Address Trace
%%
INSTRUCTIONS
  1. Take your new Toxic Custard out of the box, and check that all
     the parts are present. (Main heading, body, dividing hyphens,
     back-issues plug, signature)
  2. Place the dividing hyphens at suitable places within the body,
     taking care to ensure that topics are kept apart.
  3. Insert the main heading above the body.
  4. Append the back-issues plug and signature in that order, below
     the body. Slot disclaimer A into signature B.
  PROBLEM SOLVING
     If you have problems reading your Toxic Custard, before calling
  for service, please ensure that you are not wasting everybody's
  time and generally being an ignorant consumer by making sure that:
  -  all jokes contain sufficient puns
  -  your Toxic Custard is not overrun by innuendo
  -  no obsolete sideways messages have made their way into the text
  -  the signature includes a (probably useless) copyright message
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Instructions for the Best Positions on the Pianoforte.
%%
Instructors do it with less-on.
%%
Instrument of Darwin
%%
Instruments register only through things they're designed to register.
  Space still contains infinite unknowns.
 -- Spock, "The Naked Time," stardate 1704.2.
%%
In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.
 -- Alan Kay
%%
In such a strait the wisest may well be perplexed and the boldest staggered.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontent, Vol. i, p. 516
%%
In such green palaces the first kings reign'd,
Slept in their shades, and angels entertain'd;
With such old counsellors they did advise,
And by frequenting sacred groves grew wise.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- On St. James's Park
%%
Insufficent number of error messages.
 -- WinError #762143
%%
INSUFFICIANT MEM... er... How does that go again?
%%
Insufficient facts always invite danger.
 -- Spock, "Space Seed," stardate 3141.9.
%%
Insufficient memory: add 4 megs and retry
%%
Insufficient Memory Error... Remove that stupid BUFFERS=2037463 line.
%%
Insufficient memory for Mackintosh users.
%%
Insufficient Memory - Only 50.312.583 Bytes available
 -- WindowError: 815
%%
Insufficient resources: Insert wallet in drive A:...
%%
Insufficient safeguards built in.
%%
Insults are effective only where emotion is present.
 -- Spock, "Who Mourns for Adonais?"  stardate 3468.1.
%%
Insurance Salesman: You do the things you do because you're a homicidal maniac.
Bell Boy: That... that does explain a lot doesn't it... it's all starting to
make sense now.
 --  The X Files
%%
Insurance salesmen are premium lovers.
%%
Insured by the Mafia.
 You hit me, we hit you.
 -- Bumpersticker in NYC
%%
INSURRECTION, n.  An unsuccessful revolution.  Disaffection's failure
to substitute misrule for bad government.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In Sweden, where nudism is a general practice, the suicide rate is
 alarmingly high. Nudism may be a contributing factor. It's not unlikely
 that a potential suicide gets very depressed comparing himself with some of
 the others.

 On the other hand, I'd expect nudists to be a happy group. There are some
 people I know who would be good for a laugh if you saw them with their
 clothes off.
 -- Selma Diamond
%%
In tabulario donationem fecit. [He made a gift in the archive]
%%
In talking to girls I could never remember the right sequence of things to
 say. I'd meet a girl and say, "Hi, was it good for you too?" If a girl
 spent the night, I'd wake up in the morning and then try to get her
 drunk...
 -- Steve Martin
%%
In technology anything is possible if you don't know it isn't available yet.
%%
Integrated Software - A single product that deftly performs hundreds of
   functions the user never needs and awkwardly performs the half-dozen he
   uses constantly.
 -- From the Government Computer News, November 21, 1988 Issue
%%
Integration means more than having all the maps at the same scale!
%%
Integrity has no need for rules.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
Integrity is praised, and starves.
%%
Integrity is the superlative strategy. <---- honesty is the best policy
%%
Integrity needs no rules.
%%
Integrity of Heart; Skill of Hand.
%%
Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without
integrity is dangerous and dreadful.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Intel 586 Troubleshooting Tip 1:  Refrigerate Computer.
%%
Intel Inside
 Can't Divide
%%
Intel inside, idiot outside
%%
Intellect annuls fate.  So far as man thinks he is free.
 -- Emerson
%%
Intellectual brilliance is no guarentee against being dead wrong.
 -- David Fasold
%%
Intellectually challenged.
%%
Intellectuals are the most intolerant of all people.
 -- Paul Duncun
%%
Intellectuals should never marry; they won't enjoy it; and besides, they
 should not reproduce themselves.
 -- Don Herold
%%
Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.
 -- Einstein
%%
Intellectual 'work' is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation,
and is its own highest reward.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along
without an education.
Education appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along
without the use of his intelligence.
 -- A. E. Wiggan
%%
Intelligence Incarnate.
%%
Intelligence, in diapers, is invisible.   And when it matures, out the window
 it flies.  We have to pounce on it earlier.
 -- Stanislaw Lem
%%
Intelligence is a function of imagination.
%%
INTELLIGENCE IS A STATE OF MIND????
%%
Intelligence is believing only half of what you hear;
Brilliance is knowing which half.
%%
Intelligence is normal, Ignorance must be explained.
%%
Intelligence is that faculty of mind, by which order is preceived in a
situation previously considered disordered.
 -- Haneef A. Fatmi
%%
Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac
%%
Intelligence not found here.  Conservative Territory!
%%
Intelligence not found here.  Fake it? (Y/N)
%%
Intelligence without character is a dangerous thing.
 -- Gloria Steinem
%%
Intelligent readers ignore taglines
%%
Intel: littendian, segmentated, trimodal...fun.
%%
Intel: Putting the "backward" in "backward compatible".
%%
Intel - still number 0.999873464508
%%
Intel - they couldn't spell intelligent!
%%
INTEL would've flunked Computer Architecture 101!
%%
In ten minutes, the Joker poison on your Batman
memorabilia will be activated
%%
In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a
moving automobile.
%%
Intense : Where campers hang out.
%%
Intentionally concentrating and inhaling the vapors can be harmful.
%%
INTENTION, n.  The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of
influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence,
immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Interchangeable devices won't.
 -- The Fourth SNAFU Equation
%%
Interchangeable parts aren't.
 -- Kilpatrick's law
%%
Interchangeable parts aren't.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #37
%%
Interchangeable parts won't.
 -- The RPCISPE's Eleventh Universal Law
%%
Interchangeable tapes won't.
%%
INTERDIGIT
  Another one of those words that no-one of any importance ever uses.
  Probably devised by the same guy who thought up "recalcitrant". In
  fact, the sort of word that is more sensibly expressed using one or
  more other words that people can actually understand.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Interested in CHEAP R/C TOYS & other robotics stuff...
%%
:interesting: adj. In hacker parlance, this word has strong
   connotations of `annoying', or `difficult', or both.  Hackers
   relish a challenge, and enjoy wringing all the irony possible out
   of the ancient Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times".
   Oppose {trivial}, {uninteresting}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is
 finite.  This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for
 people who can never remember where they have left things.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Interestingly enough, there are many kids who just can't seem to get their
 multiplication tables down, some of whom can't even add, for that matter.
 But ask them a phone number, and whammo, you've got the whole thing
 instantly.
%%
"Interesting poll results reported in today's New
York Post: people on the street in midtown
Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the
US invasion of Grenada.  Fifty-three percent said
yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme
a quarter?"
 -- David Letterman
%%
Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York
 City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves
 around than any other city in the world.
 -- David Letterman
%%
Interest speaks all sorts of tongues, and plays all sorts of parts,
even that of disinterestedness.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 39
%%
Interfere? Of course you should interfere!
 Always do what you're best at, I say.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
Interior Decorating: Curt Enrod
%%
Interior decorators do it all over the house.
%%
Interjections! show excitement! or emotion!
%%
[Interlaced pentacle]
%%
INTERLACE: To tie two boots together.
%%
interlard - vt., to intersperse; diversify
 -- Webster's New World Dictionary Of The American Language
%%
InterLink Shareware conference moderator.
%%
Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge
%%
Internal consistency is valued more highly than
efficiency.
 -- Peter's Inversion
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
>>> Internal error in fortune program:
>>>        fnum=2987  n=45  flag=1  goose_level=-232323
>>> Please write down these values and notify fortune program administrator.
%%
Internet@alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die
%%
Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people
it is a complete substitute for life.
 -- Andrew Brown
%%
Internet: The Autobaun of the computer world.
%%
Internet Traveler... Destination: Electronic Cottage Colony
%%
Interplanet Janet, she's a galaxy girl
%%
Interpreter, n.: One who enables two persons of different languages to
understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the
interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
INTERPRETERS do it manually and orally
%%
INTERREGNUM, n.  The period during which a monarchical country is
governed by a warm spot on the cushion of the throne.  The experiment
of letting the spot grow cold has commonly been attended by most
unhappy results from the zeal of many worthy persons to make it warm
again.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Interrogator's lunch- grilled cheese
 -- Raymond D. Love
%%
:interrupt: 1. [techspeak] n. On a computer, an event that
   interrupts normal processing and temporarily diverts
   flow-of-control through an "interrupt handler" routine.  See also
   {trap}.  2. interj. A request for attention from a hacker.
   Often explicitly spoken.  "Interrupt --- have you seen Joe
   recently?"  See {priority interrupt}.  3. Under MS-DOS, nearly
   synonymous with `system call', because the OS and BIOS routines
   are both called using the INT instruction (see {{interrupt list,
   the}}) and because programmers so often have to bypass the OS (going
   directly to a BIOS interrupt) to get reasonable
   performance.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:interrupt list, the:: [MS-DOS] n. The list of all known software
   interrupt calls (both documented and undocumented) for IBM PCs and
   compatibles, maintained and made available for free redistribution
   by Ralf Brown <ralf@cs.cmu.edu>.  As of late 1992, it had grown to
   approximately two megabytes in length.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:interrupts locked out: adj. When someone is ignoring you.  In a
   restaurant, after several fruitless attempts to get the waitress's
   attention, a hacker might well observe "She must have interrupts
   locked out".  The synonym `interrupts disabled' is also common.
   Variations abound; "to have one's interrupt mask bit set" and
   "interrupts masked out" are also heard.  See also {spl}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Interstate-65  Auburn-9
%%
Interstate-75  University of Florida-3
%%
Interstellar amity demands that we make some physical
contact at this point, but I beg to be excused.
%%
Interstellar Matter is a Gas
%%
Interviewer:    So you are the camp co-ordinator.  What does that entail?
Venture Scout:  Well, basically, I co-ordinate the camp.
 -- '8.15 From Manchester', BBC1 TV
%%
In Texas, we have the gender-independent personal pronoun

                 she/he/it

which, if pronounced sloppily enough, and with a nice Texan
drawl, will let you know what I think of this discussion . . .

 -- Tom Rokicki
%%
In that day a man shall cast his idols... to the moles and to the bats.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah ii, 20
%%
In that day seven women shall take hold of one man.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah iv, 1
%%
In that fierce light which beats upon a throne.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Idylls of the King, Dedication
%%
In the 17th century, Kikaku, one of the ten disciples of the great
Japanese poet Basho, composed a haiku:
     Take a pair of wings
     From a dragonfly, you would
     Make a pepper-pod.
Basho told Kikaku: That's not a haiku. You kill the dragonfly.
Kikaku recomposed the lines:
       Add a pair of wings
     To a pepper-pod, you would
     Make a dragonfly.
 -- Amal Naj, PEPPERS
%%
[In the 60's] there was madness in any direction, at any hour ...  You
could strike sparks anywhere.  There was a fantastic universal sense
that whatever we were doing was `right', that we were winning ...

And that, I think, was the handle -- the sense of inevitable victory
over the forces of Old and Evil.  Not in any mean or military sense; we
didn't need that.  Our energy would simply `prevail'.  There was no
point in fighting -- on our side or theirs.  We had all the momentum;
we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave ....

So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in
Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost
see the high-water mark -- the place where the wave finally broke and
rolled back.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
%%
In the adversity of our best friends we often find something that
is not exactly displeasing. -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 99, later suppressed
%%
In the afterlife, everyone's good-looking.
 -- Laurie Thompson
%%
In the afternoons, Gertrude Stein and I used to go antique hunting in the
 local shops, and I remember once asking her if she thought I should become
 a writer. In the typically cryptic way we were all so enchanted with, she
 said, "No." I took that to mean yes and sailed for Italy the next day.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
In the Arctic Ocean: Isa Berg
%%
 (In the background can be heard springs creaking and various
 moans; husky, soft female voice is best:)  Hi...  You've just
 reached Sharon's Pleasure Palace.  We're all busy as I'm sure
 you can tell, but when we're done...  we'll get back to you in
 whatever way we can.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.
%%
In the battle off Cape St. Vincent, Nelson gave orders for boarding
the "San Josef," exclaiming "Westminster Abbey, or victory!"
 -- Horatio Nelson (1758-1805)
 -- Life of Nelson (Southey), Vol. i, p. 93
%%
In the beginning God created...
 -- Genesis 1:1
%%
In the beginning, God created gravity.
>From then on, it was all downhill.
%%
In the Beginning, God rolled a 20 on the Random World Generation Table
%%
In the beginning, I was made.  I didn't ask to be made.  No one consulted
with me or considered my feelings in this matter.  But if it brought some
passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way
through life's mournful jungle, then so be it.
 -- Marvin the Paranoid Android,
 -- From Douglas Adams' Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Radio Scripts
%%
In the beginning Man created God; and in the image of Man created he him.
 -- Ian Anderson, musician, Jethro Tull
 -- Aqualung
%%
In the beginning, t=0, where t is time.
%%
In the beginning, the grocery was without form and void, and
darkness was on the face of the 7-11.
 -- (Haagendasz 1,1)
%%
In the beginning, there was AT&T...
%%
In the beginning, there was Jack...
%%
In the beginning, there was nothing.  Then God said 'Let there be light',
 and there was still nothing, but you could see it.
 -- Dave Thomas, SCTV
%%
In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
%%
   In the beginning was the DEMO Project.  And the Project was
without form.  And darkness was upon the staff members thereof.
   So they spake unto their Division Head, saying,
It is a crock of shit, and it stinks.
   And the Division Head spake unto his Department Head, saying,
It is a crock of excrement and none may abide the odor thereof.
   Now, the Department Head spake unto his Directorate Head, saying,
It is a container of excrement, and is very strong, such that none may
abide before it.
   And it came to pass that the Directorate Head spake unto the Assistant
Technical Director, saying, It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may
abide by its strength.
   And the assistant Technical Director spake thus unto the Technical
Director, saying, It containeth that which aids growth and it is very strong.
   And, Lo, the Technical Director spake then unto the Captain, saying,
The powerful new Project will help promote the growth of the Laboratories.
   And the Captain looked down upon the Project,
and He saw that it was Good!
%%
In the beginning was the word - and the word was four bytes.
 -- from the bible?
%%
In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was
added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax...
 -- John Simon
%%
In the best of possible worlds the chateau of monseigneur the baron
was the most beautiful of chateaux, and madame the best of possible
baronesses.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Candide, Chap. i
%%
In the blackout they dance; rock into the aisles,
 and as the doors fly open even the promoter smiles.
 Someone takes his pants off and the rafters knock.
 Rock is dead, they say ............... LONG LIVE ROCK!
%%
In the Book of Galatians, we are told that whatever a man soweth, that also
 he will reap. This is the reason why so many breakfast foods now have oat
 bran in them. Lots of folks early on in their lives sowed a whole lot of
 oats, which are now coming home to roost.
%%
In the bottle, discontent seeks for comfort, cowardice for courage,
and bashfulness for confidence.
 -- Johnson
%%
In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear
 rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to
 drink beer.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
In the broad and final sense all institutions are educational in the sense that
they operate to form the attitudes, dispositions, abilities and disabilities
that constitute a concrete personality...Whether this educative process is
carried on in a predominantly democratic or non-democratic way becomes,
therefore, a question of transcendent importance not only for education itself
but for its final effect upon all the interests and activites of a society that
is committed to the democratic way of life.
 -- John Dewey
%%
In the busy haunts of men.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- Tale of the Secret Tribunal, Part i
%%
In the cafeteria just after lunch, (well, not *just* after, more like
 *during* lunch, about 12:28; say 12:30, give or take a few minutes),
 I leaned back in my chair (it was one of those aluminum chairs, good
 strength-to-weight, like titanium but not quite; but then of course
 titanium would be a bit of an overkill).   Anyway, I heard one of the
 girls talking about how boring she thought engineers could be.
 -- Alan Denney (aland@informix.com)
%%
In the carriages of the past you can't go anywhere.
 -- Maxim Gorky (1868-1936)
%%
In the case of some women, orgasms take quite a bit of time. Before signing
 on with such a partner, make sure you are willing to lay aside, say, the
 month of June, with sandwiches having to be brought in.
 -- Bruce Jay Friedman
%%
In the city, power walks; taxus are for those who mee the schedules of others.
%%
In the city today the temperature rose to 180 degrees.  This sudden rise of
 temperature was responsible for the intolerable heat.
%%
IN THE COMPUTER ROOM, no one can hear you SCREAM!
%%
In the computer world, every little bit helps.
%%
In the darkness of future pasts the magician longs to see one chance
 between two worlds.    Fire, walk with me.
 -- One-armed Mike, from Twin Peaks
%%
In the dark, you have fallen into a pit. Although you have climbed
out, out, you have been injured and cannot carry as many things as before.
%%
In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity consider.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes vii, 14
%%
In the days of old,
When Knights were bold,
 And women were too cautious;
Oh, those gallant days,
When women were women,
 And men were really obnoxious...
%%
  In the days when Sussman was a novice Minsky once came to him as he
sat hacking at the PDP-6.  "What are you doing?", asked Minsky.
  "I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe."
  "Why is the net wired randomly?", asked Minsky.
  "I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play"
  Minsky shut his eyes,
  "Why do you close your eyes?", Sussman asked his teacher.
  "So that the room will be empty."
  At that momment, Sussman was enlightened.
 -- AI koan
%%
In the dead vast and middle of the night.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
In the demolition derby of life, I'm a Pinto.
%%
In the depths of dead R'lyeh, Great Cthulhu lies dreaming.
%%
In the desert a fountain is springing,
  In the wide waste there still is a tree,
And a bird in the solitude singing,
  Which speaks to my spirit of thee.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Stanzas to Augusta
%%
In the distant past Vulcans killed to win their mates.
And they still go mad at this time.  Perhaps the price they pay for
having no emotions the rest of the time.
 -- Kirk and McCoy, "Amok Time," stardate 3372.7
%%
In the drinking well
 Which the plumber built her,
 Aunt Eliza fell
 We must buy a filter
 -- Harry Graham
%%
In the echoes, you can remember your name...
%%
In the echo, the mighty echo, the moderator screams tonight...
%%
In the economic sense, our socialism was more like state capitalism
... Marx had never dreamed of anything of the sort ... Soviet Russia
had broken with everything in her history that was revolutionary,
and had got onto the usual rails of great-power imperialism.
 -- Svetlana Alliluyeva
%%
In the education of children there is nothing like alluring the interest
and affection; otherwise you only make so many asses laden with books.
 -- Michel de Montaigne
%%
In the elder days of Art,
  Builders wrought with greatest care
Each minute and unseen part;
  For the gods see everywhere.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Builders
%%
In the end, everybody must understand for themselves.
 -- Martin-Lof
%%
In the end, everything is a gag.
 -- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)
%%
In the end, it will be the insects who rule the earth.
 -- Noted scientist
%%
In the end more than they wanted freedom, they wanted security. When
the Athenians finally wanted not to give to society but for society
to give to them, when the freedom they wished for was freedom from
responsibility, then Athens ceased to be free.
 -- Edward Gibbon
%%
In the end, one or the other will triumph.  A funeral dirge will be sung
over the Soviet republic or over world capitalism.
 -- Vladimir I. Lenin, 1920
%%
In the End, There can only be Telix, EZR, and DSZ
%%
In the end there can only be Wildcat, Q-Modem and OLX
%%
In the end there will be microwaves, crockpots, and MM
%%
In the end, who cares?
 -- Remo Williams
%%
In the event of earthquake, duck, cover and hold.
%%
In the event your experiment works, do not give up hope. You still have the
 opportunity to come to the wrong conclusion. Even here, if you fail to come
 to the wrong conclusion, you can perhaps have yet another chance, by
 applying the newly discovered facts in an incorrect manner.
%%
In the .EXEs of Life, he had more NOPs than most.
%%
:in the extreme: adj. A preferred superlative suffix for many hackish
   terms.  See, for example, `obscure in the extreme' under {obscure},
   and compare {highly}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
In the face of entropy and nothingness, you have to kind of pretend it's not
 there if you want to keep writing good code.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
In the factory, we make cosmetics.  In the store, we sell hope.
 -- Charles Revson
%%
In the fields of Hell where the grass grows high
Are the graves of dreams allowed to die.
%%
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
In the first days
Of my distracting grief, I found myself
As women wish to be who love their lords.
 -- John Home (1724-1808)
 -- Douglas, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
In the first movement alone, I took note of six pregnancies and at least four
miscarriages.
 -- Sir Thomas Beecham, on Bruckner's 7th symphony
%%
In the first place, God made idiots.  That was for practice.  Then he
 made school boards.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
In the first weeks I had occasionally worn clothes in the morning before
the sun began its ascent, but very soon I abandoned this habit, and the
only bit of material I ever wore was the strip of sari cloth around my
hips, which was so useful for making into a bag to collect coconuts on
walks.
 -- Lucy Irvine, Castaway
%%
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper
order then why can't he?
%%
In the four quarters of the globe, who reads an American book, or
goes to an American play, or looks at an American picture or statue?
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Review of Seybert's Annals of the United States, 1820
%%
In the full tide of successful experiment.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1801
%%
In the future, computer companies will be famous for fifteen minutes.
 -- Martin Streicher
%%
 In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
In the future, it is said that the real valuable antiques will be those
 which are made almost entirely of genuine plastic.
%%
In the future, you're going to get computers as prizes in breakfast cereals.
You'll throw them out because your house will be littered with them.
 -- Robert Lucky
%%
In the game of life, father time always wins.
%%
In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses,
which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain
an undefeated season.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
In the game of life you get to choose where you keep your brain -
heads you win, tails you loose.
%%
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
 Massaging the bust of his madam,
 He chuckled with mirth,
 For he knew that on earth,
 There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
%%
In the gates of Eternity, the black hand and the white hand hold
each other with an equal clasp.
 -- Mrs. Stowe
%%
In the great right of an excessive wrong.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Ring and the Book, The other Half-Rome, Line 1055
%%
In the handbook, it says that most people ignore the strange and unusual;
 while I myself *am*... strange and unusual.
 -- BEETLEJUICE
%%
In the hotel there was a mirror over my bed! I was uneasy going to sleep.
 When I sleep I toss and turn, and when I woke up I thought I saw a naked
 sky diver coming at me ... But I don't know what it's there for. I really
 don't. You gonna shave in bed? What the hell you gonna watch? All I know
 is, from the way I ... umm ... you get a broken neck tryin' to watch ...
 and Camille's a virgin Catholic, I know she ain't peekin'!
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
In the intercourse of life we please, often, by our defects than
by our good qualities.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
In their first passion women love their lovers, in all the others
they love love.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 471
%%
In their nomination to office they will not appoint to the exercise
of authority as to a pitiful job, but as to a holy function.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 356
%%
    [In their report on _Life of Brian_]: Monty Python's usual
schoolboy humour is here let loose on a period of history
appropriately familiar to every schoolboy in the West, and a
faith which could be shaken by such good-humoured ribaldry
would be a very precarious faith indeed.
 -- The British Board Of Film Censors
%%
In the jaws of death.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, First Day, Part iv
%%
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.
%%
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is insane.
%%
In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead.
 -- Egyptian Book of the Dead
%%
In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king.
%%
In the last decade, we've been sending probes deeper and deeper into
 space.   We've drawn attention to ourselves, Miss Shaw.
 -- Lethbridge-Stewart, SPEARHEAD FROM SPACE
%%
...in the lexicon of the political class, the word sacrifice
means that the citizens are supposed to mail even more of their
income to Washington so that the political class will not have to
sacrifice the pleasure of spending it.
 -- George Will
 -- Newsweek, 2/22/93
%%
In the lexicon of youth, which fate reserves
For a bright manhood, there is no such word
As "fail."
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- Richelieu, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastary: You
 are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers,
 artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
%%
In the long history of medicine, no doctor has ever caught the first
  few minutes of a play.
 -- McCoy, "The Conscience of the King," stardate 2919.8.
%%
In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been
granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger.
  I do not shrink from this responsibility -- I welcome it.
 -- John F. Kennedy (from his Inaugural Address)
%%
In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
 -- Alan Perlis
%%
In the long run, men only hit what they aim at.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
In the long run the pessimist may be right,
but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
 -- Daniel L. Reardon
%%
In the long run, though, I think the low quality of English text books
is bound to come to the attention of high-quality publishers ready to
fill our need.  In ten years we will probably have excellent texts
again.  We'll import then from Japan.
 -- Kathryn Lindskoog, Creative Writing For People Who Can't Not Write
%%
In the long run, volunteers will be the most expensive workers you ever had.
%%
In the long run we are all dead.
 -- John Maynard Keynes
%%
In the meantime, one false move and Simon here becomes
 vice-presidential.
 -- Dash X, No Brain, No Pain, Eerie Indiana
%%
In the meantime, one word for any atheists among you: wrong.
 -- God, the Ultimate Autobiography
%%
In the men's bathroom, inside of a stall, it said "Joe eats pussy".
 -- Toilet graffiti in Chester Street, a gay bar in Champaign, IL
%%
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
In the middle of the fight, a hockey game broke out...
%%
In the midst of life we are in death.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- The Burial Service
%%
In the midst of the fountain of wit there arises something bitter,
which stings in the very flowers.
 -- Lucretius (95-55 BC)
 -- De Rerum Natura, iv, 1133
%%
In the midst of this chopping sea of civilized life, such are the clouds
and storms and quicksands and thousand-and-one items to be allowed for,
that a man has to live, if he would not founder and go to the bottom and
not make his port at all, by dead reckoning, and he must be a great
calculator indeed who succeeds. Simplify, simplify.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden
%%
In the midst of this sublime and terrible storm [at Sidmouth], Dame
Partington, who lived upon the beach, was seen at the door of her
house with mop and pattens, trundling her mop, squeezing out the sea-water,
and vigorously pushing away the Atlantic Ocean. The Atlantic was roused;
Mrs. Partington's spirit was up. But I need not tell you that the
contest was unequal; the Atlantic Ocean beat Mrs. Partington.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Speech at Taunton, 1813
%%
In the midst of winter, there is in me an invincible summer.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
In them Nature's copy 's not eterne.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
In the morning, I do not want to eat gum drops and cheese noodles
 -- Madonna
%%
In the morning of the world,
When earth was nigher heaven than now.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Pippa Passes, Part iii
%%
In the morning sow thy seed, and in the evening withhold not thine hand.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xi, 6
%%
In the morning, when thou art sluggish at rousing thee, let this thought
be present; "I am rising to a man's work."
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, v, 1
%%
In the most high and palmy state of Rome,
A little ere the mightiest Julius fell,
The graves stood tenantless, and the sheeted dead
Did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
In the mountains the shortest way is from peak to peak: but for that one
must have long legs. Aphorisms should be peaks.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
In the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xi, 14; xxiv, 6
%%
In the music department of one of the universities there is a sign over
the FAX machine that reads as follows:
"If it ain't Baroque don't FAX it."
%%
In the Name of The Old Man, The Kid, and The Spook, Amen.
%%
In the name of the Prophet--figs.
 -- Horace Smith (1779-1849)
 -- Johnson's Ghost
%%
In the natural childbirth classes my wife and I took, the birthing process
 was represented by a hand puppet being pushed through a sock. So, at the
 actual birth, I was shocked to see all this blood. The thing I had prepared
 myself for was a lot of lint.
 -- Steve Scrovan
%%
In the nice bee what sense so subtly true Form pois'ness herbs extract
the healing dew?
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
In the night all cats are gray.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
In the Norse mythology Loki originally was on the side of the rest of
the gods, helping them once or twice using a particularly nast forms of
trickery. He was a cunning negotiator with a talent for
technicalities.   He was sort of the Norse equivalent of a lawyer, no
doubt the reason they tied him down in a pit dripping acidic venom on
him.
 -- Martin Terman
%%
In the NY subway, a commercial for an abortion clinic goes...
 Pregnant?  We can help!
to which someone had scribbled:
 Not pregnant? I can help!!
%%
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
%%
In the old days in Finland, all young men had to go through some rites
 of passage to show that they were REAL FINNISH MEN. The usual set
 consisted of three tests: 1) Empty a full bottle of vodka without pause,
 2) Go out in the forest to kill a bear with bare hands, and 3) rape a
 woman.

 When Pekka had reached the age of the rites of passage, he had no
 trouble at all with the vodka. He disappeared into the forest, and came
 back three days later, with clothes torn and blood dripping from several
 wounds. Then he said: "Now where's the woman I have to kill?"
%%
In the old days, we had wooden ships ruled by iron men.  Now we have
steel ships and blockheads running them.
 -- Capt. D. Seymour
%%
In the old days you didn't ask their sexual history, you'd just say, "Are
 you a mammal?" Now you take her home and you say, "Where do I set up the
 lab?"
 -- John Riggi
%%
In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or
a loaf of bread.  However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it
to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by
forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy.  If you
stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit
punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong
enough to punch you.
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and
threw the java.  The reward to the victor was a coral wreath.  The government
of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands.
There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't
climb over to see what their neighbors were doing.  When they fought the
Parisians,  the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
In the one hand he is carrying a stone, while he shows the bread in the other.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Aulularia, Act ii, Sc. 2, 18, (195.)
%%
In the ordinary business of life, industry can do anything which genius
can do, and very many things which it cannot.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
In theory, everything works.
%%
In theory, theory is the same as reality. In reality it's not.
%%
In theory there is nothing to hinder our following what we are taught;
but in life there are many things to draw us aside.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxvi
%%
In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and
often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows
which of those is the more annoying.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
In the past a sexy woman was one who lay on a sofa like an odalisque,
 smoking a cigarette.  Now she is an athletic woman.
%%
In the past, it was easy to be a Real Man. All you had to do was abuse
 women, steal land from Indians, and find some place to dump the toxic
 waste.
 -- Bruce Feirstein
%%
In the past we have tried too much to prevent the making of mistakes.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
In the past, you've been a remarkably poor judge of what your Mom
cares about.
 -- Hobbes (and Calvin)
%%
In the pitiful, multipage, connection-boxed form to which the flowchart has
today been elaborated, it has proved to be useless as a design tool --
programmers draw flowcharts after, not before, writing the programs they
describe.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
%%
In the place where the tree falleth, there it shall be.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xi, 3
%%
In the Plaza Hotel once, when I was doing the quiz show, there was a priest
 in the elevator. I hope you're not offended by this--I'd tell a story about
 a rabbi but it doesn't fit, and neither did the rabbi and they finally
 threw him out of the synagogue. Anyhow, this priest says to me, "Aren't you
 Groucho Marx?" I said yes. He says, "Gee, my mother's crazy about you." And
 I said, "Really? I didn't know you fellas had mothers." I had a priest stop
 me in Montreal some years ago. He came up and said, "Aren't you Groucho
 Marx? May I shake your hand?" I said fine. I shook hands with him and he
 said, "I want to thank you for all the joy you've put in this world." And I
 said, "I want to thank you for the joy you've taken out of it."
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
In the posteriors of this day, which the rude multitude call the afternoon.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true
 or becomes true.
 -- John Lilly
%%
In the pursuit of distortion-free AUDIO!
%%
In the pursuit of happiness,
the difficulty lies in knowing when you have caught up.
 -- R.H. Grenville
%%
In the race for love, I was scratched.
%%
In the race for quality, there is no finish line.
 -- David T. Kearns
%%
In the realm of scientific observation, luck is granted only to those who are
prepared.
 -- Louis Pasteur
%%
In the reign of Charles II. a certain worthy divine at Whitehall thus
addressed himself to the auditory at the conclusion of his sermon:
"In short, if you don't live up to the precepts of the Gospel, but
abandon yourselves to your irregular appetites, you must expect to
receive your reward in a certain place which 't is not good manners
to mention here."
 -- Tom Brown (1663-1704)
 -- Laconics
%%
In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous.
%%
In the Roadrunner cartoon, the coyote has been chasing him for 25 years. I'd
 like to see him finally get right up to him and go "Sorry, I thought you
 were someone else."
%%
In the school Debating Society I was voted the boy least likely
  to complete a coherent...er...
Sentence?
 -- George and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
In these here parts, good guys wear blue.
%%
In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.
 -- Pliny the Elder
%%
In the South my grandmother used to tell me, "Hey, James Wesley, put down
 that wheelbarrow--you know you doesn't know anything about machinery."
 -- James Wesley Jackson
%%
In the space age we'll be able to go around the world in two
hours . . . one hour for flying and the other to get to the
airport.
%%
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles.  Therefore ... in the
Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million
three hundred thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years
from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long.
... There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such
wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of
fact.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
In the spight of his teeth.
 -- John Skelton (c. 1460-1529)
 -- Colyn Cloute, Line 939
%%
In the spirit of today, when I'm handing out the exams, we're going to further
examine the totally suffering individual.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
In the spring a livelier iris changes on the burnish'd dove;
In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 19
%%
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
%%
In the strictest sense, I did not win.
"Data..."
I busted him up.
 -- Data and Troi, "Peak Performance", stardate 42923.4
%%
In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even
  vegetarians.
 -- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold," stardate 3615.4.
%%
In the studio later we'll be showing you the latest thing in digital
 watches. When you press the button, a little finger comes out and points to
 the nearest person with the right time.
 -- Ronnie Barker
%%
In the summer I drink Guinness, which requires no refrigeration and no
 cooking--Guinness is a great day-shortener. If you get out of bed first
 thing and drink a glass, then the day doesn't begin until about
 twelve-thirty, when you come to again, which is nice. I try to live in a
 perpetual snooze.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis iii, 19
%%
In the tickling and the trembling of freeze tag.
%%
In the time of Pythagoras that proverbial phrase "Ipse dixit"
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pythagoras, xxv
%%
In the Top 40, half the songs are secret messages to the teen world
to drop out,
turn on, and groove with the chemicals and light shows at discotheques.
 -- Art Linkletter
%%
In the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, it's often useful to have a
 nice, solid piece of wood in your hands.
 -- Ian Faith, manager of Spinal Tap
%%
In the town where I was born, lived a man who went to sea,
 and he told us of his life in the land of submarines.
%%
In The Trenches: Helmut Wearer
%%
In the trial of all criminal cases, the Jury shall be the
Judges of Law, as well as of fact, except that the Court may pass
upon the sufficiency of the evidence to sustain a conviction.
 -- Article XV, section 5, Constitution of Maryland.
%%
In the twinkling of an eye.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xv, 52
%%
In the twinkling of an eye.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
In the United States, revolution is an abrupt change in the form of
 governmental mismanagement leading to accelerated taxation, decelerated
 reclaimation and much more paperwork.
%%
In the United States, there is a lot more space with a fewer people than
 there is less space with a lot more people. Its things like this that make
 America what it is. However, it won't always be the way it was, and it is a
 lot different now than it used to be.
%%
In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where
anybody is.  This is what makes America what it is.
 -- Gertrude Stein, The Geographical History of America. . .
%%
[In the U. S. Army] An officer does not take an oath of loyalty to the
 Commander-in-Chief.    He takes an oath of loyalty to the Constitution.
 -- Sam Donaldson
%%
"In the US, males are a minority and should be treated and protected as such."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
 "In the uttermost West I was Olorin,In the South I am Incanus,
  among the elves I am Mithrandir,in the North I am Gandalf.
   To the East,I go not"-rough Tolkien quote from Gandalf.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
In the vacant places, we will build with new bricks.
 -- T.S. Eliot
%%
In the vacuum of space, you can't play an accordian.
%%
In the vaunted works of Art, the master stroke is Nature's part.
 -- Emerson
%%
In the whole history of the world there's never been anybody just
    like Bert, and there'll never be another even if the world lasts
   a hundred million centuries.
 -- Prof. Clifford Jones, THE GREEN DEATH
%%
In the wilds:  It's so quiet up here you can hear a mouse get a hard-on.
%%
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own
 skin.
%%
In the winter you lose your body; in the summer you lose your mind.
%%
In the words of the car dealers "they all do that".
%%
    In the world of human thought generally, and in physical
science particularly, the most important and fruitful concepts
are those to which it is impossible to attach a well-defined
meaning.
 -- H.A. Kramers
%%
In the worlds before monkey, primal chaos reigned.   Heaven sought order, but
the Phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown.  The four lands formed
again and yet again, as endless eons wheeled and passed.  The wind, time and
water (??) all worked upon a certain rock, old as creation, and it became
magically fertile.  That first egg was called 'thought.'  Tagahata (??) Buddah,
the Father Buddah says, 'with our thoughts, we make the world.'  Elemental
forces caused the egg to hatch.  From it came a stone monkey.  The nature of
monkey was IRREPRESSIBLE!
%%
"In the world there are only two tragedies.  One is not getting
 what one wants and the other is getting it."
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
In the worst inn's worst room, with mat half hung.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 299
%%
In the year 2054, the entire defense budget will purchase just one
aircraft. This aircraft will have to be shared by the Air Force and Navy
3-1/2 days each per week except for leap year, when it will be made
available to the Marines for the extra day.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XVI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
In the youth of a state arms do flourish; in the middle age of
a state, learning; and then both of them together for a time;
in the declining age of a state, mechanical arts and merchandise.
%%
In things pertaining to enthusiasm, no man is sane who does not know
how to be insane on proper occasions.
 -- H.W. Beecher
%%
In things that a man would not be seen in himself, it is a point of
cunning to borrow the name of the world; as to say, "The world says,"
or "There is a speech abroad."
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Cunning
%%
In this age of technology, it takes a lot of time to decide what to do with
 all of the time we have saved.
%%
In this best of all possible worlds, everything is in a hell of a mess.
 -- Brother Theodore
%%
In this business you either sink or swim or you don't.
 -- David Smith
%%
In this chapter, the present tense includes the past and future tenses,
and the future, the present; the masculine gender includes the feminine,
and the feminine, the masculine, and the singular includes the plural,
and the plural the singular.
 -- Code of Dept. of Consumer Affairs, CA
%%
In this country [England] it is well to kill from time to time an
admiral to encourage the others.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Candide, Chap. xxiii
%%
In this day and age women can have kids for other women through surrogate
 motherhood. Is this the ultimate favor or what? I think I'm a good friend.
 I'll help you move. Okay. But whatever comes out of me after nine months,
 I'm keeping. I don't care if it's a shoe.
 -- Sue Kolinsky
%%
In this fool's paradise he drank delight.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- The Borough, Letter xii, Players
%%
In this fortune, the concluding three words 'were left out'.
%%
In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million
  Earth-type planets.  And in all of the universe, three million, million
  galaxies like this.  But in all of that, and perhaps more, only one
  of each of us.
 -- McCoy, "Balance of Terror," stardate 1709.9.
%%
In this kitchen I reign supreme,if you don't agree starve.
%%
In this world a man must be either anvil or hammer.
 -- Longfellow
%%
In this world filled with unfairness, it takes all the talent, intelligence
 and cunning your offspring can muster to accomplish what the kids just next
 door do regularly thorough sheer luck and some indifference.
%%
In this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up,
that makes us rich.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
In this world, it rains on the Just and the Unjust, but
the Unjust have the Just's umbrella
%%
In this world, my friend, there are two kinds of people: those with
    loaded guns and those who dig.  You dig.
 -- Clint Eastwood, from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
%%
In this world no one rules by love; if you are but amiable, you are
no hero; to be powerful, you must be strong, and to have dominion
you must have a genius for organizing.
 -- John Henry Cardinal Newman
%%
In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes and an occasional
salutary recession.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
In this world of sin and sorrow, there is always something to
be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
%%
In this world, you have to be oh so smart or oh so
pleasant. I spent years being smart. I recommend pleasant.
%%
In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
In those days, pot was something you cooked in and coke was
something you drank and grass was something you mowed.. hardware
was a hammer, and software wasn't in the dictionary.
 -- Daniel L. Schorr, Senior analyst for NPR and 1939 grad of CUNY
 -- at a commencement speech at Brandeis University May 21, 1995
%%
In those holy fields
Over whose acres walked those blessed feet
Which fourteen hundred years ago were nail'd
For our advantage on the bitter cross.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
In those vernal seasons of the year, when the air is calm and pleasant,
it were an injury and sullenness against Nature not to go out and
see her riches, and partake in her rejoicing with heaven and earth.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Tractate of Education
%%
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life.  It goes on.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their
 mutual destruction.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
In time, and as one comes to benefit from experience, one learns that things
will turn out neither as well as one hoped nor as badly as one feared.
 -- Jerome S. Bruner
%%
In time, most jobs are filled by people incompetent to carry out their duties.
 -- Peter Principle, Corollary 1
%%
In time of prosperity friends will be plenty;
In time of adversity not one in twenty.
 -- James Howell, Proverbs
%%
In time of trouble, men of talent are called for, but in times of
ease the rich and those with powerful relatives are desired.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
In time of war the first casualty is truth.
 -- Boake Carter
%%
In times like these, it is helpful to remember
that there have always been times like these.
 -- Paul Harvey
%%
In times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head.
 -- Marie Antoinette
%%
"In times of trouble, go with what you know."
 -- Homer in "Moaning Lisa", from The Simpsons
%%
Into a world unknown,--the corner-stone of a nation!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Courtship of Miles Standish, iv
%%
Into each life some rain must fall,
  Some days must be dark and dreary.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Rainy Day
%%
Into each life some rain must fall - usually on the weekends.
%%
Intolerance is a state no tolerant man can tolerate.
 -- McGinley
%%
Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
%%
Intolerance of ambiguity is the mark of an authoritarian personality.
 -- Theodor W. Adorno
%%
Intolerant liberals wish to silence Rush Limbaugh.
%%
"Into the mud, Scum Queen!"
 -- The Man With Two Brains
%%
  Into the silent land!
Ah, who shall lead us thither?
 -- J. G. Von Salis (1762-1834)
 -- The Silent Land
%%
Into this wild abyss,
The womb of Nature and perhaps her grave.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 910
%%
Into your heart it will creep.
%%
Intrapersonal.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle describing his relationship with Bush
                   on the campaign trail in Irvine, California.
                   (reported in the NY Times, 8/28/88)
%%
Intriguing. I did not know humans were so capable.
 -- Data
%%
Introducing "lite", the new way to spell "light", with 20 percent
fewer letters!
%%
INTRODUCTION, n.  A social ceremony invented by the devil for the
gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.  The
introduction attains its most malevolent development in this century,
being, indeed, closely related to our political system.  Every
American being the equal of every other American, it follows that
everybody has the right to know everybody else, which implies the
right to introduce without request or permission.  The Declaration of
Independence should have read thus:

        "We hold these truths to be self-evident:  that all men are
    created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
    inalienable rights; that among these are life, and the right to
    make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an
    incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty, particularly the
    liberty to introduce persons to one another without first
    ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and
    the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of
    strangers."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
INTROVERTS do it alone
%%
Intruder Alert! - 3 drinks!
%%
In truth, there never was any remarkable lawgiver amongst any
people who did not resort to divine authority, as otherwise his laws
would not have been accepted by the people; for there are many good
laws, the importance of which is known to be the sagacious lawgiver,
but the reasons for which are not sufficiently evident to enable him to
persuade others to submit to them; and therefore do wise men, for the
purpose of removing this difficulty, resort to divine authority.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Intuition, however illogical, is recognized as a command prerogative.
 -- Kirk, "Obsession," stardate 3620.7.
%%
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without
the supervision of a licensed engineer.
%%
In unanimity there is cowardice and uncritical thinking.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
In vain sedate reflections we would make
When half our knowledge we must snatch, not take.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 39
%%
In vain we call old notions fudge,
  And bend our conscience to our dealing;
The Ten Commandments will not budge,
  And stealing will continue stealing.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Motto of the American Copyright League (written Nov. 20, 1885)
%%
INVALID COMMAND.COM, System Disobeying
%%
INVALID COMMAND.COM- USE 4DOS SYSTEM HALTED
%%
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over
 what I considered to be an odd number.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Invent a clever saying, and the world will remember your name forever.
 -- Anonymous
%%
Inventing is easy for staff outfits. Stating a problem is much harder. Instead
of stating problems, people like to pass out half-accurate statements together
with half-available solutions which they can't finish and which they want you
to finish.
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
Inventions reached their limit long ago,
 and I see no hope for further development.
 -- Julius Frontinus, 1st century A.D.
%%
Invention, strictly speaking, is little more than a new combination of
those images which have been previously gathered and deposited in the
memory; nothing can come of nothing.
 -- Joshua Reynolds
%%
Inventor, n.  A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels,
levers, and springs, and believes it civilization.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Inventors find a way to do it.
%%
 INVENTORY
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Invertebrate Punster--Spinelessly unable to resist a
pun--So slug me!
%%
Invertebrates make no bones about it.
%%
Invest in America --- Buy Japan!
%%
Invest in inflation. It's the only thing going up.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Invest in physics - own a piece of Dirac!
%%
Investment: Clinton spending YOUR money any way SHE wants.
%%
Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on
getting some useful work done.
 -- Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability
%%
Invest your money in taxes, They're bound to go up
%%
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeoning of chance;
My head is bloody but unbowed.
It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll;
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
 -- Henley
%%
In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately,
 Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer,
 you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.
 -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update
%%
In vino veritas.  In aqua sanitas.
[In wine, truth. In water, health.]
%%
In virtues nothing earthly could surpass her,
Save thine "incomparable oil," Macassar!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 17
%%
Invisible hearing aids:  Person who can't hear, buys something they can't see!
%%
Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it.
%%
Invisible taglines! $1.95 a piece!
%%
Invisible tagline -- send money for special glasses!
%%
Invite the man that loves thee to a feast, but let alone thine enemy.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 342
%%
Involuntary Polymorph - subject to change without notice.
%%
In waking a tiger, use a long stick.
 -- Mao
%%
In war and life, either fight to win or don't fight.
%%
In war death is incidental.  Loss of time is criminal.
 -- George S. Patton
%%
In war, mistrust/paranoia are functional; at home, dysfunctional.
%%
In war, Resolution; in defeat, Defiance; in victory, Magnanimity
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
In war there is no substitute for victory.
 -- General Douglas MacArthur
%%
       In war we're tough and able.
       Quite indefatigable
       Between our quests
       We sequin vests
       And impersonate Clark Gable
       It's a busy life in Camelot.
       I have to push the pram a lot.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
In war, when a commander becomes so bereft of reason and perspective
that he fails to understand the dependence of arms on Divine guidance,
he no longer deserves victory.
 -- Gen. Douglas MacArthur
%%
In wealth one finds many friends whereas in poverty, even very few
 relations.
%%
In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should
 automatically disqualify you.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
In Western terms, love is like an extended software Q.A. suite.   True love
 is like a final acceptance test.  But one has to be willing to take bug
 fixes and work-arounds; otherwise, the software is never done.
 -- The Usenet Oracle
%%
In West Union, Ohio, No married man can go flying without his spouse
along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
%%
"In what he called the 'great tradition of warnings
 in presidential farewells,' Reagan reproached the
 movies, television and young parents for failing
 to indoctrinate American youth in 200-proof
 patriotism, the way they did in his day.  'If we
 forget what we did,' said the man who still can't
 remember trading arms for hostages, 'we won't know
 who we are.'  The section ended with this weird
 passage: 'And children, if your parents haven't
 been teaching you what it means to be an American,
 let 'em know and nail 'em on it.  That would be a
 very American thing to do.'"
 -- Hendrik Hertzberg
%%
In what other business could a guy tell a girl to get undressed--and send
 the bill to her husband?
 -- Jackie Mason
%%
In what other country than America can a person like me say to a person
 like you, "Why don't you get out of America?"
 -- Stanley Myron Handelmann
%%
In what year was the War of 1812 fought?
%%
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
%%
In which Pooh tells Christopher Robin to sod off
%%
In which room is the phrase 'Hello sailor' useful?
%%
In wildness is the preservation of the world.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walking(1862)
%%
In-window air conditioners don't actually cool the air. The noise takes
 your mind off the heat.
 -- Rick Ducommon
%%
In winter, when the dismal rain
  Comes down in slanting lines,
And Wind, that grand old harper, smote
  His thunder-harp of pines.
 -- Alexander Smith (1830-1867)
 -- A Life Drama, Sc. ii
%%
INW: INvalidate Warranty
%%
In words, as fashions, the same rule will hold,
Alike fantastic if too new or old:
Be not the first by whom the new are tried,
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 133
%%
In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the
reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly,
that it is curable.
 -- Advertising Rule
%%
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree
But only if the NFL to a franchise would agree.
%%
I nybble often, but rarely byte......
%%
In yet another effort to clean up New York City the mayor urged the City
 Council to pass legislation that would require alternate side of the street
 urinating.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
In yonder grave a Druid lies.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- Death of Thomson
%%
In you can't measure output, then you can't measure input.
 -- Charles Schultz
%%
In your CONFIG.SYS file, make sure to SET BUGS=OFF
%%
In your EZ-Reader config.  Specify BUGS = OFF
%%
In your heart you know it's flat!
%%
"In your plan, `A Better Britain For Us', you claimed that
you would build eighty-eight thousand million billion houses
a year in the greater London area alone.  In fact, you built
only three in the last 15 years. Are you a bit disappointed with
this result?"
"No, no.  I'd like to answer this question, if I may, in two
ways.  Firstly, in my normal voice, and then in a kind of silly,
high-pitched whine."
 -- Monty Python
%%
In your thirst for knowledge, be sure not to drown in all the information.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
In your toughest final-- for the first time all year-- the most
distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you.
 -- Second Law of Final Exams
%%
In youth and beauty wisdom is but rare!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vii, Line 379
%%
In youth, if we are lucky, we learn. In age, if we are wise, we understand.
 -- Ebner-Eschenbach
%%
In zen skiing, you learn to become one with the snow.
%%
I object to all this sex on the television. I mean, I keep falling off.
 -- Graham Chapman
%%
I object to intellect without discipline; I object to power without
  constructive purpose.
 -- Spock, "The Squire of Gothos," stardate 2124.5.
%%
I/O Device:
Note you sign for the bank in/order to get loan for new (old) car.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
I/O error
%%
I/O ERROR (def.) Ignorant Operator Error
%%
 I offered to help.   You refused to take our money.  Then I said, 'I
guess you're really up shit creek.'
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
I often daydream about my inability to fantasize.
%%
I often have long conversations all by myself,
and I am so clever that sometimes
I don't understand a single word I am saying.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
I often mistake my hands for food.
%%
I often quote myself.  It adds spice to my conversation.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
 I often say that when you can measure what you are
speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know
something about it; but when you cannot express it in
numbers, your knowledge is of a meagre and unsatisfactory
kind; it may be the beginning of knowledge, but you have
scarcely, in your thoughts, advanced to the stage of
Science ...
 -- Lord Kelvin
%%
I/O Hackers do it without interrupt.
%%
I/O Hackers have to condition their device first.
%%
IOI: Ignore Operator's Instruction.
%%
IO: Illogical Or
%%
I/O, I/O, Its off to the bus we go.
%%
I/O, I/O, so off to work I go!
%%
I once asked my father if things were bad for him during the Depression. He
 said the first six months were bad, then he got used to me.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
I once complained to my father that I didn't seem to be able to do things
 the same way other people did. Dad's advice? "Margo, don't be a sheep.
 People hate sheep. They eat sheep."
 -- Margo Kaufman
%%
I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I once did hold it, as our statists do,
A baseness to write fair.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
I once got caught copying an exam in the back of the class...
I guess the teacher must have heard the Xerox machine.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I once had a dog who, like you, insisted on being cheerful in the morning. I
got rid of him by giving him to an immigrant Japanese family- and they ate him.
%%
I once had half a mind left, too! :)
%%
I once heard that Lewis's (department store) in Glasgow used to employ a
"scapegoat". If a customer complained about anything, the department's
manager would summon this guy and fire him on the spot.
%%
I once knew a hacker who ate too fast and choked to death.....
%%
I once knew a set of identical twins so identical
even they couldn't tell each other apart.
%%
"I once knew someone," said Bourdin, "who heard the clock
strike four one day, just as he was falling asleep, and he
counted like this: 'One, one, one, one.' Then, when he
realized how ridiculous that was, he said, 'The clock has
gone crazy: it struck one o'clock four times!' "
 -- R Balmes, quoted by Georges Ifrah, "From One to Zero"
%%
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
%%
I once taught a class which included a student named Georgina
Secsauer.  One day someone from the office popped in the door and
asked 'Is there a Secsauer in this class?'. One of the students
promptly responded 'Hell no!  We don't even get a coffee break!'
%%
I once thought I was dead, but I was just off-line.
%%
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at
 the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet.  Two little
 kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See,
 that's how it's done."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I once tried to spread a rumor that I had an offer of $15,000 to leave radio
and fly out to the coast but when the story came back to me, it was $1200 to
go to Seattle.
 -- Garrison Keillor, Lake Wobegon Days
%%
I once tripped in a forest, and didn't make a sound.
%%
I once was as you are, but you will never be as I am.
%%
I once went for a job at one of the airlines. The interviewer asked me why
 I wanted to be a stewardess, and I told her--it would be a great chance to
 meet men. I was honest about it! She looked at me and said, "But you can
 meet men anywhere." I said, "Strapped down?"
 -- Martha Raye
%%
I only changed one line and it was a comment...
%%
I only counted 100 dalmatians...!!!
%%
I only designed your eyes. You must talk to Tyrell. He designed your mind.
 -- Blade Runner
%%
I only drink when I'm alone or with someone.
%%
I only had a couple beers.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
I only have to open my mouth and jolly thoughts pour out.
%%
I only know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its current
conditions.  And its current conditions are not good.
 -- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
I only know we loved in vain;
  I only feel--farewell! farewell!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Farewell! if ever fondest Prayer
%%
I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
 -- Mae West
%%
I only play with my computer on days that end in "Y."
%%
I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
 -- Nathan Hale, 22 September 1776.
%%
I Only See In Infrared.
%%
I only speak right on.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I only started a BBS to save on the phone bill
%%
"I only took the regular course."
"What was that?" inquired Alice.
"Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with," the Mock Turtle replied; "and
then the different branches of Arithmetic -- Ambition, Distraction,
Uglification, and Derision."
"What else had you to learn?"
"Well, there was Mystery," the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the subjects
on his flippers, -- "Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography: then
Drawling -- the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a
week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching and Fainting in Coils. I never went to
the Classical master, though.  He taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!
 -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
%%
I only use YALE graphics.
%%
I only wish I may see your head stroked down with a slipper.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act v, Sc. 7, 4, (1028.)
%%
I only wish my mouth had a BACKSPACE key!
%%
I only wish that I were what I was when I wished that I would be what I am
 now.
%%
I only wrote the thing, I don't have to understand it!
%%
I, on the other hand, am a well-rounded human being, with a degree from
  the University of Life, a diploma from the School of Hard Knocks, and
  three old stars from the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit Kicked Out
  Of Me.
 -- Edmund : Captain Cook
 -- Blackadder Goes Forth
%%
IOP: Insult OPerator
%%
I ordered chocolate, not vanilla, I screamed.
%%
IOR: Illogical OR
%%
IOS: Ignore Operating System
%%
Io, the greek goddess of input and output.
 -- D. E. Knuth
%%
IOT trap -- core dumped
%%
"I ought to be judged as a captain who set out from Spain to the Indies
to conquer many warlike peoples of very contrary creed and customs,
where by divine will, I have placed under the sovereignty of the King
and Queen, Our Lords, another world, by which Spain, which was once
called poor, is now the most rich."
 -- Christopher Columbus, Letter to Dona Juana de la Torre, 1500
%%
I overheard one of the secretaries in the office saying:

God I love it here...  Why do I work here!?
Because I'm too old for a paper route
Too young for social security
and too tired to have an affair...
%%
IOWA - Idiots Out Wandering Around
%%
Iow-a, Iow-a, it's off to space I go-a....
%%
I owed my friend George $25.  For about three weeks I owed it to him.
 The whole time I had the money on me---he didn't know it.  Walking
through New York City, 2:30 in the morning, we got held up.  He said,
"Gimme all your money."  I said, "Wait a minute."  I said, "George,
here's the 25 dollars I owe you."  The the thief took a thousand dollars
out of his own money and he gave it to George.  At gunpoint he made
me borrow a thousand dollars from George.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.
%%
I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice,
 and then going away and doing the exact opposite.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
I own a Feminazi Trading Card mint set.
%%
I own Seagates, want to make something of it?
%%
I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils.
%%
I paid too much for it, but its worth it.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
I parked my hard disk - and got a ticket!
%%
I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it!
%%
I parked my hard drive and it got towed away!
%%
I passed a car dealership. I looked in the window and I saw the most
 beautiful cars. And a fellow came out and said, "Come on in, they're bigger
 than ever and they last a lifetime!" He was talking about the payments.
 -- Corbett Monica
%%
I passed my ethics course.  I cheated, of course.
%%
I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has
  always to be out of step with his time.
 -- Orson Welles
%%
I perfectly feele even at my fingers end.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. vi
%%
I performed an exorcism today. It seems that a daemon crashed the computer...
%%
I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking.  He called me a
 quitter.
 -- Steven Pearl
%%
 i Pi
 e    = -1
%%
IPI: Ignore Previous Instruction
%%
IP: Increment and Pray
%%
I pity the man who can travel from Dan to Beersheba and cry, "'T is
all barren!"
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- In the Street, Calais
%%
I plan on living forever.    So far, so good.
%%
I planted some bird seed.  A bird came up.  Now I don't know what to feed it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I plan to be a late bloomer - it's the only chance I've got.
%%
I plan to be more spontaneous.
%%
I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled
substances being in widespread use.   Back then, there were no
restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we
made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given
powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative
nerve disease.
 -- Dave Barry, The Snake
%%
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
 -- Joe E. Lewis
%%
I play the harmonica.  The only way I can play is if I get my car
going really fast, and stick it out the window.  I put a new engine
in my car, but forgot to take the old one out.  Now my car goes 500
miles per hour.  The harmonica sounds *amazing*.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I plead not guilty by reason of computer-induced insanity.
%%
I plead temporary insanity. ;-)
%%
I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands,
one nation,
indivisible,
with liberty
and justice for all.
 -- Francis Bellamy, 1892
%%
IPL: Invent Program Lines
%%
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be.  I called someone.
 They went "Aaaaahhhh..."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
IPM: Ignore Programmer's Mistakes
%%
IPOP: Interrupt Processor, Order Pizza
%%
I posted my joke.
%%
I post.......... I am
%%
I practic Ancient Art of .45 AUTO
%%
I practice birth control, which is being around my sister's children. You
 want to run right out and ovulate after you play with them for five
 minutes.
 -- Brett Butler
%%
I practice moderation to excess.
%%
I practice parallel monogamy
%%
I practice safe eating...I use condiments.
%%
I praise the Frenchman,
How sweet, how passing sweet, is solitude!
But grant me still a friend in my retreat,
Whom I may whisper, Solitude is sweet.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Retirement, Line 739
%%
I pray for boredom but it never comes.
%%
I pray thee let me and my fellow have
A haire of the dog that bit us last night.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
I pray to St. Francis of ANSI C.
%%
I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
%%
I prefer CITY-TV to Country Radio.
%%
I prefer honest arrogance to hypocritical humility.
 -- approximately quoted from Frank Lloyd Wright,
 -- who had just declared himself the world's greatest living architect.
%%
I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require
so much cooking.
 -- Carrie Snow
%%
I prefer 'Indiana', We named the DOG Indiana!
%%
I prefer my lovers to be female, human, and breathing, but I'll take any two
 out of three in a pinch.
%%
I prefer not to call it speeding but spirited driving.
%%
I prefer old age to the alternative.
 -- Maurice Chevalier
%%
I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take a rest.
 -- Alexandre Dumas (fils)
%%
I prefer the blunted cudgels of the followers of the Serpent God.
 -- Sean Doran the Younger
%%
I prefer the company of equals.
 -- Riker
%%
I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated
sufficiently to reason incorrectly.
 -- Montaigne
%%
I prefer the most unjust peace to the most righteous war.
 -- Cicero
%%
I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the
ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.
 -- Frederick Douglass
%%
I prefer tongue-tied knowledge to ignorant loquacity.
 -- Cicero
%%
I prefer to read US.  PEOPLE is too intellectual.
 -- Robin Leach
%%
I prefer to remain anomalous.
%%
I prefer to stay where I am, thank you.
%%
I prefer to think of them as the Ten Suggestions.
%%
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
 -- John Huston
%%
I presume you've come to see my mistress, Mr. Danger.

I don't care about your love life, or what his name is.
 I came to see Nancy--- uh, Mrs. Haber.
%%
I Print on Steel with an Industrial Laser.
%%
...I probably shouldn't point at the word 'reptiles' when I say
 'businessmen.'
 -- Rajeev Pandey
%%
I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
 -- William F. Buckley
%%
I program, therefore I am.
%%
I PROMISE - I won't upload in your mouth!
%%
I promise results, not promises.
%%
[I promise to] mount a comprehensive effort to reduce the cost of
health care in America.
 -- George Bush, campaigning in 1988.  In February 1990 he said:
The best prescription for better health
in America is a strong, daily dose of personal responsibility.
%%
I propose to fight it out on this line, if it takes all summer.
 -- Ulysses S. Grant (1822-1885)
 -- Despatch to Washington, Before Spottsylvania Court House, May 11, 1864
%%
IPS: Incinerate Power Supply
%%
IPS: Increment Power Supply
%%
IPS     Increment Processor Status
%%
IPT: Ignite Paper Tape
%%
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and
 headed for the embankment.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I pulled into this town called Weedpatch. I check into the Weedpatch Hotel,
 they give me a Key magazine with all the events going on in town, I open it
 up--there's a picture of me checking into the Weedpatch Hotel.
 -- Monica Piper
%%
I pulled the finger...and she sank...
%%
I pull in resolution, and begin
To doubt the equivocation of the fiend
That lies like truth: "Fear not, till Birnam wood
Do come to Dunsinane."
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
I push the TURBO button on my PC REAL hard whenever I'm in a hurry.
%%
I put aside my copy of ``BOWLING WORLD'' and think
 about GUN CONTROL legislation..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I put BUGS=OFF in config.sys, Windows won't Load!
%%
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures of cats on
 them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I put it to you all. I think we shall end up with a fine crew. if we
  avoid temptation
 -- Picard, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
I put one in each eye and two up each nostril.
 -- Agent Cooper
%%
I put on women's clothing, And hang around in bars.
%%
...[I] put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
 -- John Gillespie Magee, Jr., High Flight
%%
I put stupid and offensive quotes up, just for you!
%%
I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis
socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think
you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude. I'm a
very technical boy. So I decided to get as crude as possible. These days,
though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to
crudeness.
 -- Johnny Mnemonic, by William Gibson
%%
I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.
 -- Neil Armstrong
%%
IQ = dx / (1 + dx), where x = age.
%%
I [] QEdit!
%%
IQ Error: Brain Not Ready (A)bort (R)etry (F)orget it..
%%
IQ not found: (R)eboot, (A)bort, (Q)uit reading mail
%%
I qualified for Raw Bits!
%%
I question whether we can afford to teach mother macrame when Johnny
still can't read.
 -- Governor Jerry Brown
%%
I quit drinking and smoking once.  Very boring 15 minutes.
%%
   I quite agree with you, said the Duchess; and the moral of
that is -- `Be what you would seem to be' -- or, if you'd like it put
more simply -- `Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it
might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not
otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be
otherwise.'
 -- Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland
%%
I quit smoking and it was a very, very disappointing experience. I found
 out my teeth are really brown.
 -- Bill Dana
%%
IRAF: Image Reduction and Analysis Facility
%%
I ran Dblspace on my monitor and now it's 28 inches!
%%
I ran into Billy Idol at a soiree this morning.
%%
Iran is an island of stability in one of the most volatile parts of
 the world.
%%
I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse."
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
Iran under the Ayatollah is an example of a country run by its Moral Majority.
%%
Iraq destroyed 1000's of US missiles with their tanks! :>
%%
Iraqi Bingo: B-52... F-16... M-1... F-18... F-117... BINGO!
%%
Iraqnophobia - Don't worry
%%
Iraq-nophobia...Never!
%%
Iraq shot down 38 Patriot Missiles with their Scuds! :>
%%
Iraq's national Bird:  DUCK!
%%
IRAQ: Went in, kicked ass, then got the hell out!
%%
Iraq won the toss... and elected to receive.
%%
I rather lose my CARRIER than my mind!
%%
I rather pride myself on knowing when to stand on my
dignity and when to sit on it.
%%
IRBI: Insert Random Bits Indexed
%%
IRB: Invert Record and Branch
%%
  IRCA - Incredulous Ripped-off Consumer Association
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
IRC: Insert Random Commands
%%
:IRC: /I-R-C/ [Internet Relay Chat] n. A worldwide "party
   line" network that allows one to converse with others in real
   time.  IRC is structured as a network of Internet servers, each of
   which accepts connections from client programs, one per user.  The
   IRC community and the {USENET} and {MUD} communities overlap
   to some extent, including both hackers and regular folks who have
   discovered the wonders of computer networks.  Some USENET jargon
   has been adopted on IRC, as have some conventions such as
   {emoticon}s.  There is also a vigorous native jargon,
   represented in this lexicon by entries marked `[IRC]'.  See also
   {talk mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"I reached up to touch the thing, and a bolt flew from my fingers......
I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!"
%%
I read all messages in the TEEN echo.
 -- FIDO lie  #I
%%
I read an article in a magazine: women 49 years old having their first
 child. Forty-nine! I couldn't think of a better way to spend my golden
 years. What's the advantage of having a kid at 49? So you can both be in
 diapers at the same time?
 -- Sue Kolinsky
%%
I read banned books and messages.
%%
I read in Cosmo that women like to have whipped cream sprayed over their
 breasts. Unfortunately, my girlfriend has silicone implants. So I use
 non-dairy topping.
 -- Jeff Shaw
%%
I read in the paper yesterday that a guy killed his wife after twenty years
 of marriage. I thought: Too bad. It was probably the first decision he'd
 made since the wedding.
 -- John Wing
%%
I read it on USENET so it must be true.
%%
I read my horoscope. The first line said, "Ignore bad advice." Fine. I
 stopped reading my horoscope.
 -- Dan Spencer
%%
I read part of it all the way through.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
I read the book of Job last night - I don't think God comes out well in it.
 -- Virginia Woolf
%%
I read the docs, but my brain got full. ;)
%%
I read the DOC's...is this English?
%%
I read the DSZ docs but now I'm more confused.
%%
I read the FM, and it didn't work
%%
I read the news today, Oh boy...
 -- John Lennon
%%
I read this article, it said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too
 much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they
 kidding? This is my idea of a great day!
 -- Monica Piper
%%
I read this in a very interesting article the other day:
"Today we commerate the death of the great Bon Scott who this day
(however many years ago) drowned in a pool of his own vomit."

Boy, Bon must really have been weird. Do you know how difficult it would
be to fill a pool with vomit?

This goes out to all of you eating pea soup. Cheers.

 -- John Holden
%%
I Read You Like A Book: Claire Voyant
%%
I realized this morning why Reagan and Bush were such a good combination.
We called Reagan the Teflon President.  Given the way Bush continually
changes his mind on the issues based on current political pressures,
he must be the Waffle President.
%%
I realize that command does have its fascination, even under
  circumstances such as these, but I neither enjoy the idea of command
  nor am I frightened of it.  It simply exists, and I will do whatever
  logically needs to be done.
 -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven," stardate 2812.7.
%%
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I
 generalize, I don't care.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
I realize that I've made some very poor decisions recently, Dave, but I still
 have the utmost confidence in the mission.
 -- HAL 9000
%%
I realize that patriotism is not enough.  I must have no hatred or
bitterness towards anyone.
 -- Edith Cavell, before her execution by the Germans, 12 October 1915.
%%
I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern.  I realize that
the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional
congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile
so we can be free to concern ourselves with getting hold of the
plumber.

But from time to time, I feel I must address major public issues such
as this, because in a free and open society, where the very future of
the world hinges on decisions made by our elected leaders, you never
win large cash journalism awards if you stick to the topics I usually
write about, such as nose-picking.
 -- Dave Barry, At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against
          Political Fallout
%%
I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet
trucks.  But to be brutally frank, women as a group have a long way to
go before they reach the level of intensity and dedication to sports
that enables men to be such incredible jerks about it.
 -- Dave Barry, Sports is a Drag
%%
I really believe there are things nobody would see if I didn't photograph them.
 -- Diane Arbus
%%
I really can't come to your party Mrs. Parker, I can't bear fools.

That's strange; your mother could.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
I really don't care if I win or lose, but why don't I ever win?
%%
I really don't deserve this, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that
either.
 -- Jack Benny (1894-1974), upon receiving an award
%%
I really don't think that these cookies are random.
%%
I REALLY HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TYPE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.
%%
I really hate this darn machine,
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want,
Only what I tell it.
 -- The Programmers Lament
%%
I REALLY like Bugs Bunny.  I think I just found out why.  A local weekly
(Metro) had an article on the wascally wabbit's 50th birthday party this
year, and they had the following quote about the animation studio where Bugs
Bunny cartoons were created...

"It's not every workplace that allows you to have an autographed picture of
Christ on the wall."
 -- Scott Lieberman
%%
I really must learn not to argue with Bob Morgan..!
%%
I really wish my bust was smaller.
%%
I really would not be so bothered by people who speak out what they think,
 if before they spoke out, they actually did think. This is one of the main
 problems with a democracy. Everyone has a chance and an opportunity to
 speak up and say what is on their mind. Often times, precious little and
 even more often absolutely nothing, and the less there is of thought, the
 more lengthy the unloading. It is the pain of the democratic process!
 Thoughtlessness and wordlessness are seldom found in the same person. There
 isn't enough wordlessness in this world to go around and fill the need for
 it!
%%
"I recall my exact words: `There's a pile of dinosaur eggs over there,
 youngster,' I said, smiling paternally the while. `Get sucking.'"
 -- Alan Moore, V FOR VENDETTA
%%
I received a phone bill from Bell Canada for DOS calls!
%%
I recently came across an interesting statistic:

 Men who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi": 71 percent
 Women who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi": 100%
%%
"I recently moved into a new apartment, and there was this switch on the
wall that didn't do anything.  So anytime I had nothing to do, I'd just
flick that switch up and down...up and down...up and down.  Then one day
I got a letter from a woman in Germany.  It just said, 'Cut it out.'"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I recently saw this among other graffiti in my neighborhood laundromat:
 "Better to have loved and lost than to do thirty pounds of wash each week."
 -- Hal Linden
%%
I recognize that a class of criminals and juvenile delinquents has
taken to calling themselves 'hackers', but I consider them irrelevant
to the true meaning of the word; just as the Mafia calls themselves
'businessmen' but nobody pays that fact any attention.
 -- Bob Bickford, rab@well.sf.ca.us, 1990
%%
I recommend having no relationships except those easily borne and disposed
 of; I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a
 pleasantly scant minimum.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
I refuse to accept the view ... that the bright daybreak of peace and
brotherhood can never become a reality.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore.
%%
I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly.
 Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock.
 -- Barbara Grizzuti Harrison
%%
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
%%
I refuse to pollute my system with Windoze!
%%
I refuse to support President Clinton and her husband's economic plan.
%%
I refuse to support President Clinton and her husband's health plan.
%%
I refuse to wear a 'power suit' unless it's powered armor!
%%
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce.
 -- J. Edgar Hoover
%%
IRE: Insert Random Errors
%%
I reject get-it-done, make-it-happen thinking.
I want to slow things down so I understand them better.
 -- Jerry Brown, former California governor
%%
I reject that philosophy. The impossible often has a kind of
 integrity which the merely improbable lacks.
 -- Douglas Adams through Dirk Gently
%%
I ... reject the argument put forth by many fundamentalists that science has
 nothing to do with religion because God is not among the things making up the
 universe in which we live.   Surely if a necessity for a god-concept in the
 universe ever turns up, that necessity will become evident to the scientist.
 -- physicist Ralph Alpher, Theology of the Big Bang, Religious Humanism,
       Vol. XVII, No. 1 (Winter 1983), pg. 12
%%
Ireland is the mother sow that eats her farrow.
 -- James Joyce, A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man 
%%
I remember a lot of things before I was even born. I remember going to a
 picnic with my father and coming home with my mother.
 -- Foster Brooks
%%
I remember being upset once and telling my dad I wasn't following through
 right, and he replied, "Nancy, it doesn't make any difference to a ball
 what you do after you hit it."
 -- Nancy Lopez
%%
I remember going into McDonald's when they had some promotional giveaway,
 and their sign read: "Offer available to McDonald's customers only." Now
 there's an exclusive group! I went into McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd
 like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries
 with that?" They're highly intelligent ...
 -- Jay Leno
%%
I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle
all day long.  Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy
boat I had.  It was almost as good as the first one, except now it
had bumpy whittle marks all over it.  And no paint, because he had
whittled off the paint.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I remember, I remember
  How my childhood fleeted by,--
The mirth of its December
  And the warmth of its July.
 -- W. M. Praed (1802-1839)
 -- I remember, I remember
%%
I remember, I remember
The fir-trees dark and high;
I used to think their slender tops
Were close against the sky;
It was a childish ignorance,
But now 't is little joy
To know I 'm farther off from heaven
Than when I was a boy.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- I remember, I remember
%%
I remember Massingbird's most famous case - the Case of the Bloody
  Knife. A man was found next to the murdered body. He had the knife
  in his hand, thirteen witnesses had seen him stab the victim,
  and when the police arrived, he said, "I'm glad I killed the
  bastard". Massingbird not only got him off, he got him knighted
  in the New Years Honours list, and the relatives of the deceased
  had to pay to have the blood washed out of his jacket.
 -- Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
I remember me... I think.
%%
I remember now / I remember how it started.
%%
I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex.  He sort
 of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don't we go
 out to the horse pasture and I'll show you."  So we did, and there on the
 ground were my parents having sex.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I remember that a wise friend of mine did usually say, "That which
is everybody's business is nobody's business."
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. ii
%%
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside.  I knew
what was coming.  "You don't have to tell me," I said.  "I'm off the
team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the
team.  You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels,
and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and
then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or
you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."  It was all true
what he was saying.  And yet, I thought something is brewing inside
the head of this Coach.  He sees something in me, some kind of raw
talent that he can mold.  But that's when I felt the handcuffs go
on.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I remember the first time I picked up my girlfriend at her parents' place.
 Her father said to me, "Make sure you have my daughter home by midnight." I
 said, "Don't worry, if it looks like I'm not getting anywhere, I'll have
 her home by ten."
 -- Stevie Ray Fromstein
%%
I remember the words. I don't understand.
%%
I remember those happy days and often wish I could speak into the ears of the
dead the gratitude which was due to them in life and so ill-returned.
 -- Gwyn Thomas
%%
I remember when "Bobbitt" was a race in the Ultima games (sigh)
%%
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and
 my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes.
 -- George Carlin
%%
I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the
 world.  He'd get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn't have
 the right answers, mister, you'd be peeling potatoes or chainging the latrine.
 Hey, wait.  I wasn't in the army.  Then who WAS that guy?!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I remember when people used to step outside a moment for a breath of fresh
 air. Now sometimes you have to step outside for days before you get it.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
I remember when Sex was safe and Rugby was dangerous...
%%
I remind you that humans are only a tiny minority in this galaxy.
 -- Spock, "The Apple," stardate 3715.6.
%%
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it
 back.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I rented a pickup truck. It didn't work: I didn't get any girls.
%%
IrepeatmyselfwhenunderstressIrepeatmyselfwhenunderstressI
%%
I repeat... that all power is a trust; that we are accountable for
its exercise; that from the people and for the people all springs,
and all must exist.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Vivian Grey, Book vi, Chap. vii
%%
I represent a sardine!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I represent no one.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I resent 'experts' who have never faced deadly threat, yet who tell me -
and you - that we should not consider a response of equal power against
those who would threaten our lives.
 -- Massad Ayoob, 'The Truth About Self Protection'
%%
I reserve my abuse for lower life forms, like Civil Servants.
%%
I reserve the right to be totally wrong!
%%
I resolved no to be offended easily by human nature, but I think I blew it.
 -- Hobbes
%%
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
I respectfully suggest you go across the bridge instead of jumping.
%%
I respect the man who knows distinctly what he wishes.  The greater
part of all mischief in the world arises from the fact that men do
not sufficiently understand their own aims.  They have undertaken
to build a tower, and spend no more labor on the foundation than would
be necessary to erect a hut.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
I respect you, just not very much is all
 -- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox
%%
I respect your right to make an idiot of yourself.
 Please respect mine.
%%
IRI: Ignore Rude Interrupts
%%
Irish cocktail : a pint of Guiness with a potato in it.
%%
Irish Dentistry: Perry O'Dontal
%%
Irish First Aid: R.U. O'Kaye
%%
"Irish Flooring Practices" by Lynn O'Leum
%%
Irish plumbers have volunteered to fix Niagara Falls.
%%
Irish seven-course dinner : a boiled potato and a six-pack.
%%
I risk my life to live it well.
 -- William Perky
%%
:Iron Age: n. In the history of computing, 1961--1971 --- the
   formative era of commercial {mainframe} technology, when
   ferrite-core {dinosaur}s ruled the earth.  The Iron Age began,
   ironically enough, with the delivery of the first minicomputer (the
   PDP-1) and ended with the introduction of the first commercial
   microprocessor (the Intel 4004) in 1971.  See also {Stone Age};
   compare {elder days}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:iron box: [UNIX/Internet] n. A special environment set up to trap
   a {cracker} logging in over remote connections long enough to be
   traced.  May include a modified {shell} restricting the cracker's
   movements in unobvious ways, and `bait' files designed to keep
   him interested and logged on.  See also {back door},
   {firewall machine}, {Venus flytrap}, and Clifford Stoll's
   account in "{The Cuckoo's Egg}" of how he made and used
   one (see the Bibliography in appendix C).  Compare {padded
   cell}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.
%%
:ironmonger: [IBM] n. A hardware specialist (derogatory).  Compare
   {sandbender}, {polygon pusher}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:iron: n. Hardware, especially older and larger hardware of
   {mainframe} class with big metal cabinets housing relatively
   low-density electronics (but the term is also used of modern
   supercomputers).  Often in the phrase {big iron}.  Oppose
   {silicon}.  See also {dinosaur}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation and in cold
weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind.
 -- Leonardo da Vinci
%%
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvii, 17
%%
Iron sharpens iron; scholar, the scholar.
%%
Iron sleet of arrowy shower
Hurtles in the darken'd air.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Fatal Sisters, Line 3
%%
Irony: Giving father a billfold for Christmas.
%%
Irony is the hygiene of the mind.
%%
Irony: Limbaugh saying that dittoheads think for themselves.
%%
Irony: Millie Vanilli on a Karaoke machine.
%%
IRPF: Infinite Recursive Page Fault
%%
Irrational concept!
 -- C Error #007
%%
Irrationality is the square root of all evil
 -- Douglas Hofstadter
%%
Irregular verbs are on sale in the bargain basement.
%%
IRRELIGION, n.  The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Irresponsible Rip-Off Service.
%%
Irresponsiblity isn't a sickness--it's an art.
 -- Remmington Steele
%%
Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Notebook, 1888
%%
Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is
ancient.  It's called rain.
 -- Michael McClary
%%
Irritate Rush Limbaugh... prove him wrong.
%%
IRS does it everywhere.
%%
IRS does it to everyone.
%%
IRS: How much did you make last year? Please remit same.
%%
IRS HUMOR EXAMPLE A:
    A lawyer, a doctor and a priest were marooned on a desert island.
So we confiscated their homes.
IRS HUMOR EXAMPLE B:
    What do you get when you cross Zsa Zsa Gabor with a kanagaroo? I
don't know, but let's confiscate its home.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
IRS: Income Reduction Service
%%
IRS: Please be seated; read your rights while we audit your return.
%%
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
%%
I run My Slow Darned Old System, ver. 6.
%%
Is 2 + 2 = 4 really true?

 Around A.D. 1200 Leonardo of Pisa (Fibonacci) discovered that a few weeks
 after putting 2 male rabbits plus 2 female rabbits in the same cage, he
 ended up with considerably more than 4 rabbits. Fearing that too strong a
 challenge to the value 4 given in Euclid would meet with opposition,
 Leonardo conservatively stated, "2 + 2 is more like 5 than 4" Even this
 cautious rendition of his data was roundly condemned and earned Leonardo
 the nickname "Blockhead." By the way, his practice of underestimating the
 number of rabbits persisted; his celebrated model of rabbit populations
 had each birth consisting of only two babies, a gross underestimate if
 ever there was one.
%%
Isaac Newton didn't discover gravity. What he did discover is heavier than
 air apples.
%%
Is a bad divorce redundant?
%%
Is a bean spread a kind of bean dip?
%%
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
%%
Is acid rain really a form of hippy manna?
%%
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
%%
Is :-< a C++ operator or what?
%%
Is a female lawyer without her briefs, a solicitor?
%%
Is a fruit cobbler a gay shoemaker?
%%
Is a Hard Drive a transcontinental auto trip?
%%
I said, an elder soldier, not a better:
Did I say "better"?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
I said, beam me up dog breath!  There is no life on this planet!
%%
I said copy the disk - not Xerox it!
%%
I said, "Doctor, it hurts when I do that." (Moves arm)
 He said, "Don't do it then."
%%
I said "fool-proof, NOT stupid-proof"
%%
I said good-bye. I left a note, but I don't remember what I wrote.
 -- Lemmy Kilmister
%%
I said hit HIM with the fireball, not me!  Damn wizards...
%%
I said how, and why, young children, were sooner allured by love,
than driven by beating, to attain good learning.
 -- ROGER ASCHAM (1515-1568) in The Schoolmaster (1570), preface
%%
I SAID I LOVE ALL MANKIND *DAMMIT*!!
 -- A deity from CEREBUS
%%
   I said I'm two and a half billion years old because when I was
young the earth was two billion years old and now it is four and a half
billion years old so I must be two and a half billion years old.
 -- Paul Erdos
%%
I said in my haste, All men are liars.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxvi, 11
%%
I said it. I must've meant it.
There is nobody else to blame.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
I said it was our only chance -- I did not say it was a good one. .
%%
I said, I've broken my arm in several places.
 He said, Don't go to those places.
 -- [Possibly Henry Youngman?]
%%
I said to my old husband, "I'm gonna take you out into the country for a
 picnic. Do you like the country?" He said, "Sure I do. When I was a little
 boy, I used to live in the country." I said, "When you was a little boy
 everybody lived in the country."
 -- Moms Mabley
%%
Is a Jamaican terminal a raster-farian?
%%
Is a Large group of homosexuals called a gay pride?
%%
Is Al Gore really Al Gore or just his evil twin Skippy?
%%
Is Al Gore still recognized at cockfights?
%%
I salivate at the sight of mittens.
%%
Is Al the hologram really Al Bundy in disguise?
%%
Is a mirage real?  Well, it's a real mirage.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Is an atheist church a non-prophet organization?
%%
Is a Naval Aide really a Belly-button Assistant?
%%
Is a Navy proctologist called a Rear Admiral?
%%
Is an idiotic sergeant a noncompoop?
%%
Is another way to put this 'All men are crazy?'
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
Is a paradigm worth twenty cents?
%%
Is a party thrown by homosexuals called a gay bash?
%%
Is a person who gets drunk on pasta a spaghetti souse?
%%
Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship?
 Or are we suffering in Safeway?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I sat through it.   Why shouldn't you?
 -- David Letterman, it a spot promoting one of his shows
%%
I saved the life of the virgin sacrifice by disqualifying her.
%%
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I saw a bird outside and I said "do you want
 some breakfast? I'm having eggs... Oh, sorry."
%%
I saw a close friend of mine the other day...  He said, "Stephen, why haven't
 you called me?"  I said, "I can't call everyone I want.  My new phone has no
 five on it."  He said, "How long have you had it?"  I said, "I don't know...
 my calendar has no sevens on it."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I saw a commercial the other day for cat food. It said, "All natural food
 for your cat." All natural food. But cat food is made out of horsemeat.
 That's how it works in nature--the cat right above the horse on the food
 chain ... Matter of fact, every time my kitty feels a little cooped up in
 his environment I take him down to the racetrack, let him stalk some prey.
 -- Norm McDonald
%%
I saw a flie within a beade
  Of amber cleanly buried.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- The Amber Bead
%%
I saw a lot of trees today; and they were made of wood.
%%
I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I saw and loved.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Memoirs, Vol. i, p. 106
%%
I saw a product in the market--Mr. Salty Pretzels. Isn't that nerve?
 Everything nowadays is low-salt or salt-free. Here's a guy--the hell with
 you--Mr. Salty Pretzels ... like Mr. Tar-and-Nicotine Cigarettes, Mr.
 Gristle-and-Hard-Artery Beefsteak ...
 -- Bill Maher
%%
Is a warm beer *really* better than no beer at all?
%%
I saw a sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off of the hood of my car.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I saw a sign at a gas station.  It said "help wanted".  There was another sign
 below it that said "self service".  So I hired myself.  Then I made myself the
 boss.  I gave myself a raise.  I paid myself.  Then I quit.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles".  That's pretty big.  Some people must be
 really tired.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale.  She said, "It's
 free with purchase."  I asked her if anyone bought anything today.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I saw a smith stand with his hammer, thus,
The whilst his iron did on the anvil cool,
With open mouth swallowing a tailor's news.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Is a WATCH OUT FOR CHILDREN sign a birth control ad?
%%
I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat.
 So I looked closer. it was made of grass.
%%
I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I
 said "I'll need some friends." I forgot and left the lighthouse on all
 night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's; his hair was perfect.
%%
I Saw better conversations in alphabet soup.
%%
I Saw Elvis, and all I got was this lousy jelly doughnut.
%%
I saw Elvis at the post office.  Bought his picture for 29 cents.
%%
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
%%
    I saw Eternity the other night, / Like a great ring of
pure and endless light, / All calm, as it was bright; / And
round beneath it, / Time in hours, days, years, / Driv'n by
the spheres / Like a vast shadow mov'd; in which the world /
And all her train were hurl'd.
 -- Henry Vaughan
 -- The World
%%
I saw him now going the way of all flesh.
 -- John Webster (c. 1580-1625)
 -- Westward Hoe, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Is a white person from Africa an African-American?
%%
I saw, I came, I cleaned it up.
%%
I saw it on the radio.
%%
I saw Jimmy Hoffa. He sat between Elvis and me on the UFO.
%%
"I saw "Lassie". It took me four shows to figure
 out why the hairy kid never spoke. I mean, he
 could roll over and all that, but did that deserve
 a series?"
 -- The awful movie EXPLORERS -- the stand-up alien
%%
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
%%
I saw Othello's visage in his mind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
I saw that punch coming, so I blocked it with my chin!
%%
I saw The Exorcist three times.  I don't know what possessed me.
%%
I saw the forest where they get wood for
 pannelling. It was a long thin forest.
%%
I saw the light!  It hurt my eyes.
%%
I saw them go: one horse was blind,
The tails of both hung down behind,
  Their shoes were on their feet.
 -- James Smith (1775-1839)
 -- Rejected Addresses, The Baby's Debut
%%
I saw the play at a disadvantage. The curtain was up.
 -- George S. Kaufman
%%
I saw this old woman digging for food through a garbage can. I don't know
 about you folks. I have a lot of love for old women going through garbage
 cans. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
%%
I saw you making a date with Destiny; yeah, he came around asking after
 you.
 -- Mark Knopfler
%%
I saw young Harry, with his beaver on,
His cuisses on his thighs, gallantly arm'd,
Rise from the ground like feather'd Mercury,
And vaulted with such ease into his seat
As if an angel dropp'd down from the clouds,
To turn and wind a fiery Pegasus
And witch the world with noble horsemanship.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I saw your momma at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
%%
I say fight, sir. There's nothing shameful in falling to a superior enemy.
And nothing shameful in a strategic retreat either.
 -- Worf and Picard, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
I say put all available power into a full-out combined phaser and photon
  torpedo salvo. Destroy their ability to sustain this forcefield, sir.
Yes! Hit them HARD and hit them FAST.
 -- Yar and Worf, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
I say, put Schroedinger in the box and see how HE likes it.
%%
I Say So!: Frank O. Pinion
%%
I say stay away from the miserable people, because misery does love
 company. Just look at a fly strip. You never see a fly stuck there saying,
 "Go around! Go around!"
 -- Margaret Smith
%%
I say we dust off and nuke the site from orbit - it's the only way
to be sure. Now, Ripley this installation has a substantial dollar
value attached to it..      -- They can bill me.
 -- Ripley in Aliens
%%
I say we ride down to Danny's and steal his tagline file.
%%
I say we start busing gays into predominately straight communities.
%%
I say with Didacus Stella, a dwarf standing on the shoulders of a
giant may see farther than a giant himself.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
Is Barney the Missing Link, or is he missing a link?
%%
Is base in kind, and born to be a slave.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 28
%%
Is beer like Champagne?
%%
Is big brother watching?  What do you think?
%%
Is Bill Clinton really Bill Clinton or just his evil twin Skippy?
%%
Is Bill Clinton still recognized at cockfights?
%%
ISC: Ignore Supervisor Calls
%%
ISC: Ignore System Crash
%%
ISC: Insert Sarcastic Comments
%%
Is Clinton lying? Is the Pope Catholic?
%%
Is Clinton the brother Mr. Spock never talks about?
%%
I scooped the Sysop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
%%
I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting.  "That
was fun," I said.  "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher."
 "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now."  "We have
time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did.  We
argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally
decided to head back.  I didn't say it was an interesting story.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Is Darth Vader YOUR father, too?
%%
Is death legally binding?
%%
"Is Death that woman's mate?
 /Her/ lips were red, /her/ looks were free,
 Her locks were yellow as gold:
 Her skin was white as leprosy,
 The Night-Mare LIFE-IN-DEATH was she,
 Who thicks man's blood with cold."
 -- The Ancient Mariner, Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Is demum miser est, cuius nobilitas miserias nobilitat.
(Indeed, wretched the man whose fame makes his misfortunes famous.)
 -- Accius (Lucius Accius), Telephus
%%
ISDN: I Smell Dollars Now!! (It Still Doesn't Network!)
%%
I searched into myself.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
Is eating cheese in bed with two women considered a fromage a' trois?
%%
I see a divine hand in this AIDS thing.
 -- Dr. John Wilke, President, National Right to Life Committee, Planned
       Parenthood and Sex Clinics, Fundraising Audiotape Mailout for Dr. James
     C. Dobson's Focus on the Family, winter '87, as quoted in The Far
       Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope
they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
I see a little silhouetto of a man.
%%
I see an article in the paper that says 25 percent of all men propose to
 their wives in an automobile. That's like I say--more accidents happen in a
 car than any other way.
 -- The Duke of Paducah (Whitey Ford)
%%
I see.... and UNIX is an operating system, is it?
%%
I see another red eyed morning coming.
%%
I see a red door and I want to paint it black.
%%
I see before me the gladiator lie.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 140
%%
I see before me the statue of a celebrated minister,
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, Nov. 9, 1867
%%
 I see Dave Cutler, the man who created VMS, every time I go to Seattle.  He
is working on Microsoft NT, which I think is going to be very far-reaching.
It's going to grab the rug out from under Unix.
 -- Gordon Bell
%%
I see David Koresh finally quit smoking!
%%
I see from your coat, my friend, you're from the other side. There's
    just one thing I'd like to know:  Who won?
 -- David Crosby
%%
I see gr-reat changes takin' place ivry day,
but no change at all ivry fifty years.
 -- Finley Peter Dunne
%%
I see how their eyes are gathered into one.
%%
I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me...and causes
me to tremble for the safety of my country....Corporations have been enthroned
...an era of corruption in high places will follow...and the money power of
the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working on the prejudices
of the people...until the wealth is aggregated in a few hands...and the
republic is destroyed.
 -- Abe Lincoln
%%
I seek information about the Wise Woman.
...The Wise Woman!...The Wise Woman!...
...Yes, the Wise Woman.
 -- Edmund and crone : Bells
%%
I seek not the answers or questions,but the quickest way to slamabeer.
%%
I see little divinity about them or you.  You talk to me of Christianity
when you are in the act of hanging your enemies.  Was there ever such
blasphemous nonsense!
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), The Devil's Disciple
%%
"I see more than you do, child.  I see an end to Hell.  What do YOU see?"
  "I see someone in a lot of pain."
 -- Dekko and Jenny from ZOT!
%%
I seem to be having tremendous difficulties with my lifestyle. -
Arthur.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
I see music as the augmentation of a split second of time.
 -- Erin Cleary
%%
I see my life go drifting like a river
From change to change; I have been many things -
A green drop in the surge, a gleam of light
Upon a sword, a fir tree on a hill,
An old slave grinding at a heavy quern,
A king sitting upon a chair of gold -
And all these things were wonderful and great;
But now I have grown nothing, knowing all.
Ah! Druid, Druid, how great webs of sorrow
Lay hidden in that small slate-coloured thing!
 -- William Butler Yeats, "Fergus and the Druid"
%%
I see my way as birds their trackless way.
I shall arrive,--what time, what circuit first,
I ask not; but unless God send his hail
Or blinding fire-balls, sleet or stifling snow,
In some time, his good time, I shall arrive:
He guides me and the bird. In his good time.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Paracelsus, Part i
%%
I see no reason to stand here and be insulted.
 -- Spock
%%
I see no wisdom in saving up indignation for a rainy day.
 -- Heywood Hale Broun (1888-1939)
%%
I seen you do the dog, I seen you gettin down.
%%
I see!, said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
%%
I see that your second lobotomy finally took hold.
%%
I see that Zambezzian barley production is up again.
%%
I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die
Had he but known such a-squared cos 2(phi)!
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
I see the light!  It's a BUD light!
%%
I see them on their winding way,
About their ranks the moonbeams play.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- Lines written to a March
%%
I see them walking in an air of glory
  Whose light doth trample on my days,--
My days, which are at best but dull and hoary,
  Mere glimmering and decays.
 -- Henry Vaughan (1621-1695)
 -- They are all gone
%%
..  I see TOILET SEATS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I see when men love women they give but a little of their lives but
women when they love give everything.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to
the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at
heart.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
I see your .44 and raise you a GAU-8A.
%%
I see your always willing to share your ignorance...Bob.
%%
I see you're not one of our registered dealers...
 -- Ramon Legnaghi
%%
I See Your Face Printed On My Money
%%
I see your GAU-8A and raise you two SA-9 Gophers!
%%
I see your GAU-8A and raise you two SAMs!
%%
I see your point... and raise you a line.
 -- Elliot Smorodinsky
%%
I see you Sam's and raise you two weasels.
%%
I see you shiver in antici........................pation.
%%
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I selected E5...  but I didn't hear ``Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs''!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I sense danger, Will Robinson!
%%
I sense... <*SLAP*>  Not while we're on the bridge, Will!
%%
I sent a letter to the fish, I told them, This is what I wish. The
little fishes of the sea, They sent an answer back to me.  The little
fishes' answer was We cannot do it, sir, because ... I sent a letter
back to say It would be better to obey.  But someone came to me and
said The little fishes are in bed. I said to him, and I said it plain
Then you must wake them up again.  I said it very loud and clear,
I went and shouted in his ear. But he was very stiff and proud, He
said You needn't shout so loud.  And he was very proud and stiff,
He said I'll go and wake them if ... I took a kettle from the shelf,
I went to wake them up myself.  But when I found the door was locked
I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked, And when I found the door
was shut, I tried to turn the handle, But ...               Is that
all? asked Alice.     That is all. said Humpty Dumpty. Goodbye.
 -- Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass
%%
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION.  I DON'T
 WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
... is exhibited in the radical endosemic character of the sign as such.
%%
Is "Floppy" one of the seven dwarfs?
%%
Is Floppy the eighth dwarf?
%%
Is God positive, rational, real, transcendental?
%%
Is good Data, Gordi's best friend?
%%
I shall be an autocrat: that's my trade.  And the good Lord will forgive
me: that's his.
 -- Empress Catherine the Great
%%
I shall be as secret as the grave.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lxii
%%
I shall be like that tree,--I shall die at the top.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Scott's Life of Swift
%%
I shall defer my visit to Faneuil Hall, the cradle of American liberty,
until its doors shall fly open on golden hinges to lovers of Union
as well as lovers of liberty.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Letter, April, 1851
%%
I shall detain you no longer in the demonstration of what we should
not do, but straight conduct ye to a hillside, where I will point
ye out the right path of a virtuous and noble education; laborious
indeed at the first ascent, but else so smooth, so green, so full
of goodly prospect and melodious sounds on every side that the harp
of Orpheus was not more charming.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Tractate of Education
%%
I shall digitize or die !!!
%%
I shall enter on no encomium upon Massachusetts; she needs none. There
she is. Behold her, and judge for yourselves. There is her history;
the world knows it by heart. The past, at least, is secure. There
is Boston and Concord and Lexington and Bunker Hill; and there they
will remain forever.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Second Speech on Foot's Resolution, Jan. 26, 1830, p. 317
%%
I shall expect a chemical cure for psychopathic behavior by 10 A.M. tomorrow,
 or I'll have your guts for spaghetti.
 -- a comic panel by Cotham
%%
I shall explain this by waving my hands about in an appropriate manner.
%%
I shall fold my tens and silently slip away.
 -- An Algonquinite with a losing card hand
%%
I shall light a candle of understanding in thine heart, which shall
not be put out.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Esdras xiv, 25
%%
I shall ne'er be ware of mine own wit till I break my shins against it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
I shall never ask, never refuse, never resign nor ever not run for re-election.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
I shall not ask Jean Jacques Rousseau
If birds confabulate or no.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Pairing Time Anticipated
%%
I shall stay him no longer than to wish him a rainy evening to read
this following discourse; and that if he be an honest angler, the
east wind may never blow when he goes a fishing.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Author's Preface
%%
I shan't elaborate.
%%
Ishara: "I don't want to kill you, Data...but I will."
 -- "Legacy", Stardate unknown
%%
I share no man's opinions; I have my own.
 -- Ivan Turgenev
%%
I share the belief of many of my contemporaries that the spiritual crisis
pervading all spheres of Western industrial society can be remedied only
by a change in our world view. We shall have to shift from the materialistic,
dualistic belief that people and their environment are separate, toward a
new consciousness of an all-encompassing reality, which embraces the
experiencing ego, a reality in which people feel their oneness with animate
nature and all of creation.
 -- Dr. Albert Hoffman
%%
"Is he Dead Yet?" by Benny Fishery
%%
Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders??  Is the FROG
his GUIDELIGHT??  It is curious that a DOG runs already on the
ESCALATOR ...
%%
I shook my family tree and a bunch of nuts fell out.
%%
I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
 -- Graffito in Los Angeles
%%
I shot 'em in the ears and blew their
 brains out!  I invented that!
 -- FLAMING CARROT
%%
I shot JFK, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
%%
I shot the Moderator, but I did not shoot the Sysop
%%
I shot the Moderator. I AM the Sysop, didn't shoot myself.
%%
I shot the Sysop, but I did not shoot the moderator.
%%
I shot the Sysop, but I should have shot the moderator
%%
I should be so lucky.
%%
... I should explain that I was wearing a black velvet cape that was
supposed to make me look like the dashing, romantic Zorro but which
actually made me look like a gigantic bat wearing glasses ...
 -- Dave Barry, The Wet Zorro Suit and Other Turning
              Points in l'Amour
%%
I should have BBSed all night.
%%
I should have been a plumber.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card.  But
as Mark Twain once said, "You should never trust a man who has only
one way to spell a word."
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, actually quoting from
                   President Andrew Jackson.
%%
I should have known better; every happy moment in my life came from lying.
%%
I should have remembered that was Andrew Jackson who said that, since
he got his nickname "Stonewall" by vetoing bills passed by Congress.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, confusing Andrew Jackson
                   with Confederate General Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson,
                   who actually got his nickname at the first Battle of
                   Bull Run.
%%
"I should have stayed in college."
"What would you be if you had stayed in college?"
"I was in the black studies program.  By now I could have been black."
 -- Woody Allen, "Bananas"
%%
I should put a disclaimer on here about my employer providing access
to the net etc. etc. But he don't windsurf so I won't.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I
know how to use them.
%%
I show a clear pattern of unpredictability.
%%
Is HST faster than the Concord?
%%
Ishtar, Sumero-Babylonian goddess of bloodshed, war and destruction.
%%
I shut my eyes in order to see.
 -- Paul Gauguin
%%
I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a child.
%%
ISI     Increment and Skip on Infinity
%%
"I simply cannot ride in a car that says,
 "Women's Transit Authority" on the side."
 -- The Badger discusses the proprieties of driving in "Badger"
%%
I simply try to aid in letting the light of historical truth into that
decaying mass of outworn thought which attaches the modern world to
medieval conceptions of Christianity, and which still lingers among us- a
most serious barrier to religion and morals, and a menace to the whole
normal evolution of society.
 -- Andrew D. White, author, first president of Cornell University
%%
Is infinity odd or even?
%%
I sing New England, as she lights her fire
In every Prairie's midst; and where the bright
Enchanting stars shine pure through Southern night,
She still is there, the guardian on the tower,
To open for the world a purer hour.
 -- William Ellery Channing (1780-1842)
 -- New England
%%
Is is a good day to die, Duras, and the day is not yet over.
 -- Worf to Duras, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
Is is not true that we have only one life to live;
if we can read,
we can live as many lives and as many kinds of lives as we wish.
 -- S.I. Hayakawa
%%
Is is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
%%
Is it 1974?  What's for SUPPER?  Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in
 one wild afternoon??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Is it a Barbra Streisand concert or a Bill Clinton campaign rally?
%%
Is it a bigger crime to rob a bank or to open one?
%%
Is it a crime to be illiterate?!
%%
Is it a known (mis-)feature?
%%
Is it any wonder that my mind's on fire?
%%
Is it a really good acid, or just a half-acid?
 -- R. Friesen Chemistry 124
%%
Is it a world to hide virtues in?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Is it bad luck, or just bad timing?
%%
Is it bang for the buck, or pennies for a pop?
%%
I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen,
Of Meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were,
With morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will be
When winter comes without a spring that I shall ever see,
For still there are so many things that I have never seen:
In every wood in every spring there is a different green.
I sit beside the fire and think of people long ago,
And people who will see a world that I shall never know.
But all the while I sit and think of times that were before,
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door.

 -- J.R.R. Tolkien
%%
Is it better to abide by the rules until
they're changed or help speed the change by breaking them?
%%
"Is it better to be 'safe' than sorry?"
Ah-ha
"Take a chance on me."
 -- Abba
%%
Is it better to be the lover or the loved one?  Neither, if your
cholesterol is over six hundred.  By love, of course, I refer to
romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between
mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
 -- Woody Allen
 -- Without Feathers
%%
Is it better to have a leg longer than the other or shorter?
%%
Is it bigger than a baby's arm?
 -- Nora Diniro
%%
Is it clean in other dimensions?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I sit down next to him and get my gear off. (My armour I meant!)
%%
Is it fair to hold politicians to the same standards as humans?
%%
Is it 'Flow Control' or 'wolF lortnoC'
%%
Is it Friday yet?
%%
Is it further to Boston, or by bus?
%%
Is it information if no one knows it???
%%
Is it in my head, or in my heart?
%%
Is it I who am far away or is it you?
%%
Is it just me or are all uncles either really cool, or child molestors?
%%
Is it just me, or does anyone else read 'bible humpers' every time
someone writes 'bible thumpers?'
 -- Joel M. Snyder, jms@mis.arizona.edu
%%
Is it just me, or does Boris Yeltsin look an awful lot like Benny Hill?
%%
Is it just me, or does there seem to be an inordinate number of lurkers
 whose heads are imploding lately?   Maybe all these alternative viewpoints
 are too much for them to handle.
 -- Trent Wohlschlaeger (jtw@wuee1.wustl.edu)
%%
Is it just me, or is 9600 not as fast as it used to be?
%%
Is it just me, or is my monitor breathing?
%%
Is it known bug or am I missing something?
%%
Is it legal to advocate the long overdue overthrow of a corrupt govt.?"
%%
Is it live or is it Memorex?
%%
Is it magic.... or is it SessionManager?
%%
Is it me, or does Perot look like a Ferengi?
%%
Is it morally wrong to allow hockey players to keep their teeth?
%%
Is it not a noble farce, wherein kings, republics, and emperors have
for so many ages played their parts, and to which the whole vast universe
serves for a theatre?
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xxxvi, Of the most Excellent Men
%%
Is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own?
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xx, 15
%%
Is it not possible that an individual may be right and a government
wrong?  Are laws to be enforced simply because they were made?   Or
declared by any number of men to be good, if they are NOT good?
 -- Henry David Thoreau - 'A Plea for Captain John Brown'
%%
 Is it not that, in the chain of events, the birthday of the nation is
 indissolubly linked with the birthday of the Saviour? ....   Is it not
 that the Declaration of Independence first organized the social compact
 on the foundation of the Redeemer's mission?  That it laid the
 cornerstone of human government upon the first precepts of Christianity
 and gave to the world the first irrevocable pledge of the fulfillment of
 the prophecies announced directly from Heaven at the birth of the Saviour
 and predicted by the greatest of the Hebrew prophets 600 years before?
 -- John Quincy Adams, 1837
%%
Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop
 in a plate of SAUCE MORNAY?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Is it OK for a gynecologist to look up old girlfriends?
%%
Is it ok to panic now?
%%
Is it OK to use my AM radio in the afternoon?
%%
Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse?
%%
Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is meant
 to be discarded:  That the whole point is to always see it as a soap
 bubble?
%%
Is it possible to feel gruntled???
%%
Is it progress if a cannibal uses a fork?
 -- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
Is it really music if there's no melody?
%%
Is it really that good? It couldn't be, could it?
 I mean, a first attempt by a total amateur?
  I'll tell you how good that is: even a gifted director couldn't hurt it.
 -- from DEATHTRAP
%%
Is it really true that blondes have more fun?
%%
Is it really you, Fuzz, or is it Memorex, or is it radiation sickness?
 -- A Disney construct who can resemble anyone revels in his crimes
 -- in SONIC DISRUPTORS
%%
Is it so nominated in the bond?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Is it still Monday?!?
%%
Is it still paranoia if they ARE ALL out to get me???
%%
Is it Strawberry Bread Yet?!
%%
Is it time for lunch yet?
%%
Is it true that Rush Limbaugh has been "outed"?
%%
Is it true that you smoke eight to ten cigars a day?

That's true.

Is it true that you drink five martinis a day?        That's true.

Is it true that you still surround yourself with beautiful young women?

That's true.

What does your doctor say about all of this?

My doctor is dead.
 -- George Burns
%%
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
%%
Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know?
%%
Islamic women can do kinky things with their ankles.
 That's why the Koran says they aren't supposed to reveal them in public.
 -- Weird theory #47
%%
Islam:         If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah
%%
I slept, and dreamed that life was Beauty;
I woke, and found that life was Duty.
Was thy dream then a shadowy lie?
Toil on, poor heart, unceasingly;
And thou shalt find thy dream to be
A truth and noonday light to thee.
 -- Ellen Sturgis Hooper (1816-1841)
 -- Life a Duty
%%
I slept and drempt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was duty.
I acted and beheld that duty was joy.
 -- Rabindranath Tagore
%%
I slept like a baby...with a breast in my mouth.
%%
I slept like a baby -- woke up every two hours.
%%
I slept with Joe Isuzu   <- she's lying
%%
Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price
of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course
others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!
 -- Patrick Henry (1736-1799)
 -- Speech in the Virginia Convention, March 1775
%%
Is life trying to pass me by or run me over??
%%
I slit my throat on the cutting edge of technology.
%%
ISM
  Any distinctive doctrine, theory or practice.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
I smashed a Window and saw... OS/2.
%%
I smell a maze of twisty little passages.
%%
I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I smell a rat.  Did you bake it or fry it?
%%
I smell a rat.
 -- Patrick Henry, upon hearing about the Constitutional
     Convention, which eventually overthrew the first
     Federal Government of the United States
%%
I smell a rat.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- Blurt, Master-Constable, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I smell something fishy - and I'm not talking about the contents of
  Baldrick's apple crumble...
 -- Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
I smell something steeeenky!
 -- Nerve ending fairy
%%
ISMISM
  Belief in any distinctive doctrine, theory or practice. Ismism was
  started up in the mid-1980s by a splinter group from "Atheists For
  Christ". Ismism meetings gained quick popularity, and Ismism leader
  Ralph Snider travelled the world promoting his paper "Why I Argue A
  Lot". The followers of Ismism are generally agreed to be very
  confused people.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
I smoked pot at a drive-in movie theater. But the screen was this tiny. It
 was itsy-bitsy thumb and forefinger tiny. Till I realized I was so stoned
 I'd backed in and I was watching it from my rearview mirror.
 -- Sandy Baron
%%
Is most tolerable, and not to be endured.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Is Mr. Kosinski what he seems, a joke?
No. It's too cruel.
 -- Wesley and Traveler, "Where No One Has Gone Before",
       stardate 41263.1
%%
Is Multimate the Word Processor for Bigamists?
%%
Is my modem supposed to smoke like that?
%%
I snatch kisses. (and vice versa)
%%
I snore. I don't care. I don't have to. I'm ASLEEP.
%%
Is not absence death to those who love?
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
: is not an identifier
%%
Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Is not light grander than fire? It is the same element in a state of purity.
 -- Carlyle
%%
"Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the
beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get
out; and such as are out wish to get in."
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Montaigne"
%%
Is not old wine wholesomest, old pippins toothsomest, old wood burns
brightest, old linen wash whitest? Old soldiers, sweetheart, are surest,
and old lovers are soundest.
 -- John Webster (c. 1580-1625)
 -- Westward Hoe, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage
of Abi-ezer?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, viii, 2
%%
Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation to which the filing system
 has been lost?
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
Is not this a lamentable thing, that of the skin of an innocent lamb
should be made parchment? that parchment, being scribbled o'er, should
undo a man?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Isn't damn Yankee one word?
%%
Isn't every computer a Digital computer?
%%
Isn't fun like the best thing to have ever?
 -- Arthur
%%
Isn't humanity egocentric?  Whenever we talk, we say, "Here's my two
cents worth," but we only offer "a penny for your thoughts."
 -- Ariel "The Rogue" Rogson
%%
Isn't it about this time your head goes back to the lab for re-tuning?
 -- Rimmer to Kryten in Red Dwarf 'The Last Day'
%%
Isn't it funny how we'll look out the window at the moon, and then
we notice it's not the moon but a streetlight?  Also what's funny
is how we do this every night.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first
 thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Isn't it interesting how your annoying habits are so
much more annoying than mine are?
%%
Isn't it interesting that IRANGATE Proves crooks go free?
%%
Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction
listen to weather forecasts and economists?
 -- Kelvin Throop III
%%
"Isn't it ironic that Herman Wouk's WAR AND
 REMEMBRANCE cost $110,000,000 to produce when
 World War II itself cost only $80,000,000."
 -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update
%%
Isn't it lucky for Microsoft that Windows isn't Shareware?
%%
Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?
 -- Herb Caen
%%
Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune
tellers take economists seriously?
 -- Cincinnati Enquirer
%%
Isn't it surprising how many things, if not said immediately, seem
not worth saying ten minutes from now?
 -- Arnot L. Sheppard, Jr.
%%
Isn't nature wonderful?
%%
Isn't shrimp on a Barbie a bit kinky?
%%
Isn't that your building exploding? My baby!
%%
Isn't the best defence always a good attack?
 -- Ovid
%%
Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?
 -- Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962) on being served matzo ball soup
three meals in a row
%%
Isn't this a beautiful day! Just watch some bastard louse it up.
%%
Isn't this a conversation for the Taglines conference?
%%
Isn't this my STOP?!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Isn't this the OFF-TOPIC conference?
%%
Isn't tonight a school night?
 -- Superman asks an interrogative of a traunt Robin
 -- in a tank in THE DARK KNIGHT FALLS
%%
Isocrates adviseth Demonicus, when he came to a strange city, to worship
by all means the gods of the place.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 1, Subsect. 5
%%
Isocrates was in the right to insinuate, in his elegant Greek expression,
that what is got over the Devil's back is spent under his belly.
 -- Alain Rene Le Sage (1668-1747)
 -- Gil Blas, Book viii, Chap. ix
%%
I sold my soul to the Devil.  He gave it back.
%%
I sometimes feel alone and insignificant, especially when people turn
out the lights while I'm still in the bathroom.
%%
I sometimes think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
I sometimes think that never blows so red
The Rose as where some buried Caesar bled;
  That every Hyacinth the Garden wears
Dropt in her Lap from some once lovely Head.
 -- Omar Khayyam (died c.1133)
 -- Rubaiyat, Stanza xix
%%
Isometric: sign in the window of a modern tailor.
%%
Is OS/2 a four letter word?
%%
I speak for the little birdies that follow me around.
%%
I speak of rights! A machine has none! A man must.
%%
I speak of rights!  A machine has none; a man must.  If you do not
  grant him that right, you have brought us down to the level of the
  machine; indeed, you have elevated that machine above us!
 -- Samuel T. Cogley, "Court Martial," stardate 2949.9.
%%
I speak only for myselves.
%%
I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men,
and German to my horse.
 -- Charles V
%%
I speak truth, not so much as I would, but as much as I dare; and
I dare a little the more as I grow older.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap ii, Of Repentance
%%
I sped up my keyboard & I can't keep up with it!
%%
I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very
close, personal,loyal relationship. I'm not, as they say, a potted
plant in these meetings.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself
     (Tampa Tribune-Times  1/7/90)
%%
I spend half my life logged into crazy liberals!
%%
I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew five thousand
 dollars at a reincarnation seminar. I got to thinking, what the hell, you
 only live once.
 -- Ronnie Shakes
%%
I spent $900 on this Bose headset & I can /still/ hear my CFI yelling!
%%
I spent all my money on a FAX machine.  Now I can only FAX collect.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I spent hours coming up with this tagline.  Could you tell?
%%
I spent hours trying to come up with the perfect tagline.  This isn't it.
%%
I spent last night in the arms of a girl in Louisiana.
%%
Is piece when the loin lies down with the limb?
%%
I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
ISP     Increment and Skip on Pi
%%
Is PL/1 Batchrian or dromedary?
%%
Is politics a legitimate form of entertainment?
%%
I spurn you as I would spurn a rabid dog.
%%
I-SPY
  Simple spelling game which can get a little boring if played
  consistently for more than four hours at a time. So boring, in
  fact, that you may feel the necessity to play not "I-Spy", but
  "I-Hit", a game which runs more or less like this-:
    PERSON 1: "I hit with my little fist, something beginning with H"
    PERSON 2: "Erm.. head?"
    PERSON 1: "Correct!"
    PERSON 2: "*Ouch!*"
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Israel today announced that it is giving up.   The Zionist state will dissolve
 in two weeks time, and its citizens will disperse to various resort
 communities around the world.  Said Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir, 'Who needs
 the aggravation?'
 -- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live News
%%
Is Ross Perot still recognized at cockfights?
%%
Is Saul also among the prophets?
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Samuel x, 11
%%
Is sex in a cornfield "Porn on the cob"?
%%
Is she not more than painting can express,
Or youthful poets fancy when they love?
 -- Nicholas Rowe (1673-1718)
 -- The Fair Penitent, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Is she not passing fair?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy?  I don't know and I
don't care.
 -- William Safire
%%
Is smocus fart enough?
%%
Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
'Is stuffy inside tagline.'
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Issues are Emotional. Decisions are Political. Solutions are Technical.
%%
I stand before you defrocked. Condemned to be a member of this lowest of
  species. A normal, imperfect, lumpen human being.
 -- Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I stared into the abyss. The abyss stared into me.
Neither of us liked what we saw.
%%
I started a grease fire at McDonald's--threw a match in the cook's hair.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
I started a joke, which set the whole world crying
%%
I started at the top and worked my way down.
 -- Orson Welles
%%
I started out with nothing. I still have most of it left.
%%
I started smoking to lose weight. After I dropped that lung I felt pretty
 good.
 -- Michael Meehan
%%
I started to correct my mistakes, but realized what I was doing in time.
%%
I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce
more leaders, not more followers.
 -- Ralph Nader
%%
"I stayed up all night learning my line."
 -- Julie Condra/Syndi, "Reality Takes a Holiday", Eerie Indiana
%%
IST %DSZLOG% DEL %DSZLOG%
%%
I steal taglines one at a time.
%%
I steal tags.... Where do you think I got this one????
%%
I stepped on a Tetanus needle today..... now what?
%%
Is that a banana in your pocket, or you happy to see me?
%%
Is that a ferret in your trousers, or are you always twitchy?
%%
Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
%%
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
 -- Mae West
%%
"Is that a gun Yoko?" - John Lennon
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Is that a hard drive or are you just happy to see me?
%%
Is THAT all, Bernard Goetz?
%%
Is That all There Is.
 -- -=DgP=- Ridgefield, NJ.
%%
Is that an XT or are you running Windows?
%%
Is that a real poncho... I mean Is that a Mexican poncho
 or is that a Sears poncho?
 -- Frank Zappa, Camarillo Brillo
%%
Is that computer still on the phone?!!!
%%
Is that funny?   Is that a joke?
 -- Data
%%
Is that funny [y/n]?
%%
Is that Hemorrhoids or am I sitting on a bunch of grapes?
%%
"Is that how a warped brain like your's gets
 its kicks? By planning the deaths of innocent people?"
  "No... by *causing* the deaths of innocent people."
 -- Lex Luthor and Superman discuss Fun Evenings in "Superman"
%%
Is that Line Noise or a "C" program listing?
%%
Is that MURPHY perched on my shoulder???
%%
Is that my phone bill or the national debt?
%%
Is that really you Bob?  Oh my gosh.. it is..
%%
Is that seat saved? No, but we're praying for it.
%%
Is that simple enough, as a bit, a bit surprised by your message.
%%
Is That That?
 -- Confucious, 370BC
%%
Is that the same mouth you kiss his mother with ?
%%
Is that you reading me, or is that me being written?
%%
Is the dingleberry still fashionable?
%%
Is the Kiev accident anything like Three Mile Island?
Of course, there's a direct core-relation.
%%
Is the lack of a tagline a tagline in itself?
%%
Is the last cow on earth the utter udder?
%%
Is the opposite of the "Religious Right" the "Irreligious Wrong"?
%%
Is there a BBS-aholics Anonymous ???
%%
Is there a hell?
          No but I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close.
 -- from the movie _Defending your Life_
%%
Is there a lawyer in the house?  Yes?  [BANG]  Okay, any more?
%%
Is there a Lemon Law for Presidents too?
%%
Is there a moderator in the ANARCHY Echo?
%%
Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?
%%
Is there any chance I can reboot my life?
%%
Is there any intelligent life in this planet?
 No. I'm just visiting in here.
%%
Is there anyone who smiles without a mask?
%%
Is there any particular area you'd like us to go for? We can aim
  anywhere...
...Well, in that case...just above the top of my head might be
  a good spot...
 -- Squad Sargeant and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
"Is there any tea on this spaceship?" - Arthur.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Is there anything in life so disenchanting as attainment?
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Is there anything in the universe more beautiful and protective than
the simple complexity of a spider's web?
 -- Charlotte
%%
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying
 across in front of a beautiful sunset?  And he's carrying a beautiful rose in
 his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet.  And
 also, you're drunk.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Is there ANYthing that is stronger than love?
Yes, garlic.
%%
Is there anything whereof it may be said, See, this is new? It hath
been already of old time, which was before us.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes i, 10
%%
Is there a parson much bemused in beer,
A maudlin poetess, a rhyming peer,
A clerk foredoom'd his father's soul to cross,
Who pens a stanza when he should engross?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 15
%%
Is there a patient in the house?
%%
Is there a pleasant peasant present?
%%
Is there a ring of debris around uranus?
%%
"Is there a Roman numeral for zero?" [no]
 -- Amazingly Mind-bogglingly Stupid Question #7432
%%
Is there a special technique to this foot-washing?
"You generally start at the top, and work your way down."
I think I can handle that.
"I was hoping you might."
 -- Riker and Brenna O'Dell, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
Is there death after life?
%%
Is the register better or the times?
%%
Is There Intelligent Life in the Universe?
 -- ARCARC
%%
Is there life after BBS? No BBS...I must be in HELL!
%%
Is there life before coffee?
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
Is there life before death?
 -- Belfast Graffito
%%
Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah viii, 22
%%
Is there no bright reversion in the sky
For those who greatly think, or bravely die?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- To the Memory of an Unfortunate Lady, Line 9
%%
Is there no hope? the sick man said;
The silent doctor shook his head.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Sick Man and the Angel
%%
Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Is there no way to bring home a wandering sheep, but by worring him to death?
 -- Fuller
%%
Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
 -- King Arthur
%%
Is there some secret significance in the fact that "spouse" rhymes with
 some other terms, "louse," and "souse"?
%%
Is the surface of a planet the right place for a
developing technological civilization?
%%
Is the U.S. Congress hampered by greedlock?
%%
Is the US ready for self-government?
%%
Is the world full of smart people pretending or
imbeciles who mean it?
%%
Is this acceptable?
%%
Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Is this all that's left of my life before me?
%%
Is this a machine?  I don't talk to machines!  [Click]
%%
Is this an out-take from the ``BRADY BUNCH''?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Is this appropriate technology?
%%
Is this a rhetorical question?
 -- SLR
%%
Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
%%
Is this foreplay?
     No, this is Nuke Strike.   Foreplay has lousy graphics.  Beat me again.
 -- Duckert, in Bad Rubber, Albedo #0 (comics)
%%
Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Is this program available for all the machines?"
"Just the VAX, Ma'am."
%%
Is this real, Ben, or some strange and twisted dream?
 -- Jerry Horne, from Twin Peaks
%%
Is this really Butte Montana or just existential blues?
 -- Tom T-bone Stankas
%%
Is this really happening?
%%
Is this schizoid paranoia or just existential blues?
%%
Is this some more of that Trombonist's humor?
%%
Is this tagline half slow or half fast?
%%
Is this TERMINAL fun?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Is this that haughty gallant, gay Lothario?
 -- Nicholas Rowe (1673-1718)
 -- The Fair Penitent, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Is this the line for the latest whimsical  YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also
 makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
%%
Is this the sort of advice you're looking for?--Make money. Make it, if you
 can, fair and square. If not, make it anyway.
 -- Horace
%%
Is this the way?
%%
Is this true or only clever?
 -- Augustine Birrell
%%
Is This Where a "Tagline" Goes?
%%
Is this where I'm supposed to insert the funny line?
%%
Is this yours? Your dog left it on my lawn ...
%%
Is thy servant a dog, that he should do this great thing?
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Kings viii, 13
%%
I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did, but, oh,
there was a happy time when I believed in liberals...
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
I still don't have a handle on life, but I have its FCB.
%%
I still don't remember, why I hated it.
%%
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think,
all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all
the friends I want to see.
 -- John Burrough
%%
I still have my Christmas Tree.  I looked at it today.  Sure enough, I couldn't
 see any forests.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I still live.
 -- Daniel Webster
%%
I still love The Canadiens...no matter what!
%%
I still miss my ex-girlfriend - but with my new nuclear warhead...
%%
I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better.
%%
I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better.
%%
"I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better."
 -- Proposed Country-Western song titles
%%
I stink, therefore I am.
%%
Is "tired old cliche" one?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
ISTK: Invert STacK
%%
. . is to attempt seeing Truth without knowing Falsehood. It is the attempt
to see the Light without knowing Darkness. It cannot be.
 -- Frank Herbert, Dune
%%
I stole this tagline from someone else!
%%
Is Tony the Tiger related to the ESSO Tiger?  Like maybe twins?
%%
I stood
Among them, but not of them; in a shroud
Of thoughts which were not their thoughts.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 113
%%
I stood in Venice on the Bridge of Sighs,
A palace and a prison on each hand.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 1
%%
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.   Mother took me to
see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
 -- Shirley Temple
%%
I stopped my subscription to Consumer Reports ... I don't want to know
 about the "acceptable amount" of rodent hair in wholesale tuna fish. I'm a
 very weird guy. I have no acceptable amount of rodent hair. Some people,
 300, 400 hairs in a can. Some, seven or eight. For me, even two is too many
 for me!
 -- Robert Klein
%%
I strove with none, for none was worth my strife;
  Nature I loved; and next to Nature, Art.
I warm'd both hands against the fire of life;
  It sinks, and I am ready to depart.
 -- Walter Savage Landor (1775-1864)
 -- Dying Speech of an old Philosopher
%%
Is truth not truth for all?
 -- Natira, "For the World is Hollow and I have Touched
 -- the Sky," stardate 5476.4.
%%
I studied COBOL in college, but I didn't compile
%%
I stumbled over a stone and took it for granite.
%%
I suffer from C R S ... Can't remember sh-t
%%
I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are
ready, and which have gone a little farther down our particular path than
we have yet gone ourselves.
 -- E. M. Forster
%%
I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it won't do
too much damage if it catches fire or explodes.  First you decide which
direction your hot tub should face for maximum solar energy.  After
much trial and error, I have found that the best direction for a hot
tub to face is up.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
Is UNIX a castrated servant?
%%
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
I support Artificial Stupidity.
%%
I support drug tests. Test the politicians.
%%
[I support efforts] to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially
members of the House and members of the Senate.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/26/90, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I support everyone's right to be an idiot. I may need
it myself someday.
%%
I support family values--Addams family values
%%
I SUPPORT FREE Speech! Only, IF you agree with me.
%%
I support Merit Pay and Piece Work for politicians.
%%
I support the Marcell Marceau Foundation,
 because a mime is a terrible thing to waste.
%%
I support the rights of straight people, even though
I'm perfectly bent myself
%%
I supposed it had to happen. It usually does at about this age?
What does?
Glands, erupting with hormones.
 -- Geordi and Wesley, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
I suppose I'm really, really interested...
%%
I suppose most of us overlook that fact that even Vulcans aren't
  indestructible.
 -- Kirk, "Amok Time," stardate 3372.7.
%%
I suppose Paradise must be like this.
%%
"I suppose that everyone is familiar in outline with the theory of the
origin of species which Darwin promulgated.  Through the last fifty
years this theme of the natural selection of favored races has been
developed and expounded in writings innumerable.  Favored races certainly
can replace others.  The argument is sound, but we are doubtful of
its value.  For us that debate stands adjourned.  We go to Darwin
for his incomparable collection of facts.  We would fain emulate his
scholarship, his width and his power of exposition, but to us he speaks
no more with philosophical authority.  We read his scheme of evolution
as we would those of Lucretius or of Lamarck, delighting in their
simplicity and courage." "Modern research lends not the smallest encouragement
or sanction to the view that gradual evolution occurs by the transformation
of masses of individuals, though that fancy has fixed itself on popular
imagination."
 -- William Bateson,
 -- Address of the President of the British Association
 -- for the Advancement of Science, August 14, 1914
%%
"I suppose that for the next year-and-a-half the
stock market will shoot way up every time Howard
Baker walks out of the Oval Office and says, "He's
alert today!"
 -- Mark Russell
%%
I suppose that this is another of those young writers who are worth
 watching. Not reading; just watching.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
I suppose the best way to find out where you've come from
     is to find out where you're going, and then work backwards.
 -- 4th Doctor, CITY OF DEATH
%%
I suppose when it gets to that point, we shan't know how it does it.
 -- Turing
%%
I sure do love those BBS's.
%%
I surely don't want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now. If
 I were, then I wouldn't be, and so all of this could not take place as it
 happens to me now. It is nice that we get the chance to clarify these
 things.
%%
I survived Catholic school.
%%
I survived the First Amazon Calvary PMS Battalion!
%%
I survived the Phoenix Sun. It's a dry heat. Yah Sure!
%%
I survived the total perspective vortex.
%%
I survived torture.  I'm ready to date Lwaxana.
 -- Picard
%%
Is virus a 'micro' organism?
%%
I swear -- by my life and my love for it -- that I will never live for the
 sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.
 -- John Galt, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_
%%
I swear I don't use offline mail!
%%
I swear, if you existed I'd divorce you.
 -- Edward Albee
%%
I SWEAR I thought she was 18!
%%
I swear 't is better to be much abused
Than but to know 't a little.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Is wetter REALLY better?
%%
Is your church B.A.T.F. approved?
%%
Is your job running?  You'd better go catch it!
%%
Is your nose too big, or did you just have a tetanus shot?
%%
Is yours a real cat, or does it come when you call it?
%%
I sysop, therefore I can.
%%
Itadakimasu!
%%
It adds a precious seeing to the eye.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
It ain't a trend until you've seen it twice
%%
It ain't easy being easy.
%%
It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then.  As long as you don't
 break any.
 -- Mae West
%%
It ain't over until it's over.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
It ain't over until the FAT table sinks....
%%
It ain't over until you read the tagline!
%%
It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us in trouble.   It's the
 things we know that ain't so.
 -- Artemus Ward aka Charles Farrar Brown
%%
It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother
me, it is the parts that I do understand.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
 -- William Clinton
%%
I take an instant dislike to lawyers. It saves time.
%%
I take a simple view of life:
keep your eyes open and get on with it.
 -- Laurence Olivier
%%
I take drugs and sing rock and roll.  Look what it did for Elvis.
%%
I take Him shopping with me. I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain'
 -- Tammy Faye Bakker
%%
I take my children hiking and fishing, walking in the woods.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle offering proof of his
                   commitment to the environment during the VP
                   debate, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I take my pet Lion to church every Sunday.  He has to eat!
%%
I take my wife everywhere...but she keeps coming back.
%%
I take orders from one person! Me!
%%
I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are
 going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book
 about it.
 -- Lord Brabazon
%%
I take the world to be but as a stage,
Where net-maskt men do play their personage.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Dialogue between Heraclitus and Democritus
%%
Italian Delicacies: Liz Onya
%%
 (Italian Mafia-style voice:)  I can't come to the phone right
 now.  Me and Guido are trying to stuff a body in the trunk.  I
 think we're going to have to size it a little...  (Aside:)  HEY
 GUIDO!  GET THE CHAINSAW!  Anyways, leave your name and a
 message.  If I like it, you'll hear from me.  If not, you'll
 hear from Guido!  (Laughter.)
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
Italians do it better!
%%
Italians do it better.  (this line was obviously written by an Italian)
%%
Italia! O Italia! thou who hast
The fatal gift of beauty.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 42
%%
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
%%
It all begins, beneath the skin
 No one is near, no one will hear
 Your changeling song takes place
 In Shadowtime
 -- Siouxie & The Banshies "Shadowtime"
%%
It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'.
%%
It all makes sense if you take every other word...
%%
It all seems so stupid, it makes me want to give up. But why should
I give up, when it all seems so stupid.
 -- Martin Gore
%%
   It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do.
It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work; it
fascinates me.        I can sit and look at it for hours.  I love to keep it
by me; the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.
   You cannot give me too much work; to accumulate work has almost
become a passion with me; my study is so full of it now that there is
hardly an inch of room for any more.  I shall have to throw out a wing
soon.
   And I am careful of my work, too.  Why, some of the work that I have
by me now has been in my possession for years and years, and there isn't
a fingermark on it.  I take a great pride in my work; I take it down
now and then and dust it.  No man keeps his work in a better state of
preservation than I do.
   But, though I crave for work, I still like to be fair.  I do not ask
for more than my proper share.
   But I get it without asking for it - at least, so it appears to me -
and this worries me.
 -- Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men in a Boat"
%%
It always gets darker, just before it gets completely dark.
%%
It always happens, but we never expect "the unexpected".
%%
"It always hearted me to know that the rocket (Atlas) I was riding upon
was made by the lowest bidder."
 -- John Glenn, paraphrased on his orbital flight in 1962.
%%
It always helps to use the right tool for the job.
%%
It always makes you feel a little uneasy when people start treating you
 with consideration and respect, because then you've got to wonder if they
 know something you don't know about your health.
%%
It always takes longer than you think, even when you
consider Hoffstadter's Law.
 -- Hofstadter's Law
 -- Douglas R. Hofstadter, from "Goedel, Escher, Bach"
%%
It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
 -- First Law of Travel
%%
Italy, my Italy!
Queen Mary's saying serves for me
  (When fortune's malice
  Lost her Calais):
"Open my heart, and you will see
Graved inside of it 'Italy.'"
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- De Gustibus, ii
%%
It [angling] deserves commendations;... it is an art worthy the knowledge
and practice of a wise man.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 1
%%
It appears Lt. Commander Worf is quite adamant about his solitude.
 -- Data, "The Icarus Factor", stardate 42686.4
%%
It appears some British newspaper ran a contest to come up with a new name for
 the USSR.  One of the better entries was UFFR: Union of Fewer and Fewer
 Republics.
%%
It appears that after his death, Albert Einstein found himself working
as the doorkeeper at the Pearly Gates.  One slow day, he found that he
had time to chat with the new entrants.  To the first one he asked,
What's your IQ?    The new arrival replied, 190.    They discussed
Einstein's theory of relativity for hours.  When the second new arrival
came, Einstein once again inquired as to the newcomer's IQ.  The answer
this time came 120.    To which Einstein replied, Tell me, how did the
Cubs do this year? and they proceeded to talk for half an hour or so.
To the final arrival, Einstein once again posed the question, What's
your IQ?.      Upon receiving the answer 70, Einstein smiled and asked,
Got a minute to tell me about VMS 4.0?
%%
It appears to be a Romulan Warbi^JovT#NO CARRIER
%%
I taught him everything he knows!
%%
I taught I taw a puddy tat.
 -- Tweety
%%
I TAUGHT MY DUCK TO SAY ".QWK .QWK"
%%
IT AUTOMATICALLY HOMES IN ON THE NEAREST PLACE OF WORSHIP
%%
"It [aviation] is a tool specially shaped for Western hands, a scientific
art which others only copy in a mediocre fashion, another barrier
between the teeming millions of Asia and the Grecian inheritance of
Europe, one of those priceless possessions which permit the White
race to live at all in a pressing sea of Yellow, Black, and Brown."
 -- Charles Lindbergh,
 -- "Aviation, Race and Geography," Reader's Digest, November, 1939
%%
I tawt I taw a tutty tat.
%%
I tax not you, you elements, with unkindness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
It balances! It balances! Run the bloody paychecks.
%%
It beareth the name of Vanity Fair, because the town where 't is kept
is lighter than vanity.
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 -- Pilgrim's Progress, Part i
%%
... It beeped and said Countdown initiated. Is that bad?
%%
It behooves a prudent person to make trial of everything before arms.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7, 19, (789.)
%%
It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
 -- Writing Rule 24
%%
It behooves us to avoid archaisms.
%%
It [being a Vulcan] means to adopt a philosophy, a way of life which
  is logical and beneficial.  We cannot disregard that philosophy
  merely for personal gain, no matter how important that gain might be.
 -- Spock, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.4.
%%
It belongs to human nature to hate those you have injured.
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD)
 -- Agricola, 42
%%
It brings a sense of order and stability to my universe to know you're
  still a pompous ass...and a damn sexy man.
 -- Capt. Philipa Louvois, "The Measure of a Man", stardate 42523.7
%%
It came upon the midnight clear,
  That glorious song of old.
 -- Edmund H. Sears (1810-1876)
 -- The Angels' Song
%%
It can be said of him, when he departed he took a Man's life with
him. No sounder piece of British manhood was put together in that
eighteenth century of Time.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Sir Walter Scott, London and Westminster Review, 1838
%%
It cannot be called ingenuity to kill one's fellow citizens, to betray
friends, to be without faith, without mercy, without religion;  by these
means one can acquire power but not glory.
 -- Machiavelli
%%
It cannot be said too often - at any rate is it not being said often
enough - that collectivism is not inherently democratic, but, on the
contrary, gives to a tyrannical minority such powers as the Spanish
Inquisition never dreamt of.
 -- George Orwell
%%
It can't be full...I STILL HAVE SUBDIRECTORIES !
%%
It can't work.
 -- Wolfgang's Third Law
%%
Itch for fame?  Use powder daily.
%%
ITCH, n.  The patriotism of a Scotchman.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
It costs a fortune to heat this place.
%%
It costs a lot to build bad products.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
It could always be worse: It might be _my_ problem!
%%
It could be a rabid tiger, it could be a Q-tip. We have no way of knowing.
%%
It could be worse...  I could be using MegaMail!!!
%%
It could be worse -- it could be raining.
%%
It could have happened. John Tower could have been the Defense Sec. and a
 girl named Dixie could have been named to the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
%%
It could have happened, so it must be true.
%%
It could precipitate the fastest execution since someone said,
  'This Guy Fawkes bloke. Do we let him off, or what?'
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no
distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
It depends on how you look at it--an idiot, or a saint.
 -- Dr. Summers, Mind of Evil
You're right, Jo. [There is magic in the world after all.]
    Doctor, The Daemons
%%
It depends on which end he tries to light...
%%
It depends on your definition of asleep.  They were not stretched out.
They had their eyes closed.  They were seated at their desks with
their heads in a nodding position.
 -- John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information,
 -- responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector
 -- that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job
%%
It did me yeoman's service.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
It did not matter, after all. He was only one man. One man's fate is not
important.
If it is not, what is?
He could not endure those remembered words.
 -- Ursula K. Le Guin, spoken by Gaverel Rocannon, Rocannon's World
%%
It did what?  Well, it's not supposed to do that.
%%
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or
no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
It does no harm just once in a while to acknowledge that the whole
country isn't in flames, that there are people in the country besides
politicians, entertainers, and criminals.
 -- Charles Kuralt
%%
It does not do to leave a dragon out of your calculations, if you live near
 him.
 -- J.R.R. Tolkien
%%
It does not matter how badly you paint so long as you don't paint badly
 like other people.
 -- George Moore
%%
It does not matter whether the cat is black or white.  So long as it
catches the mouse, it is a good cat.
 -- Deng Xiaoping
%%
It does not pay a prophet to be too specific.
 -- L. Sprague de Camp
%%
It does not take much strength to do things,
but it requires great strength to decide on what to do.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
It doesn't HAVE to make sense. It's the law!
%%
It doesn't help matters when prime time TV has Murphy Brown -- a
character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly paid,
professional woman -- mocking the importance of fathers, by bearing a
child alone, and calling it just another "lifestyle choice."
I know it is not fashionable to talk about moral values, but we need to
do it. Even though our cultural leaders in Hollywood, network TV, the
national newspapers routinely jeer at them, I think that most of us in
this room know that some things are good, and other things are wrong.
Now it's time to make the discussion public.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the
                   Commonwealth Club of San Francisco and criticizing
                   Murphy Brown's decision to NOT have an abortion
                   and to be a single (highly successful) mother, 5/19/92.
                   When told about Quayle's comments, a senior
                   Bush campaign official replied only "Oh, dear."
                   Bush's top aide said,  "The world is a lot more complex
                   than Dan would like to believe"
%%
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always
 room temperature.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
It doesn't matter how sincere it is, nor how heart-felt the spirit.
Sentiment will not endear it.  What's important is the price.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in
 the street and frighten the horses.
 -- Mrs. Patrick Campbell
%%
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.
%%
It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is
 sure to find out next morning it was someone else.
 -- Rogers
%%
It doesn't say anything here about lark's vomit!
%%
It doesn't seem that long ago that just a few things cost more than a
 dollar a gallon, including imported whiskey and some rather exotic perfume.
%%
 It doesn't take all kinds.  We just HAVE all kinds.
 -- Sennel's Law
%%
It doesn't take a sledgehammer to crack eggs, but it works!
%%
It doesn't work, but I'm working on it.
%%
It doesn't work, but it looks pretty.
%%
It does often seem that man must fight to live.
 -- Flavius Maximus, "Bread and Circuses," stardate 4040.9.
%%
It don't get much better than this folks.
%%
It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I tell my kids I play piano in a whore house.  I'm actually a lawyer.
%%
I tell thee Love is Nature's second sun,
Causing a spring of virtues where he shines.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- All Fools, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I tell thee, that is Mambrino's helmet.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vii
%%
I tell them there's no problems...Only Solutions...
%%
I tell you, it's no use.
%%
I tell you, Molly, I like the work so much, I'd do it even if
I didn't have to -- by court order, under threat of fine, imprisonment,
or both.
 -- Molly Dodd
%%

   Item n on Johnny's list of "Things I have Learned": Never get too
attached to a house.

 -- from the Tonight Show last night
"Ah yes, divorce.  From the
latin for 'having your genitals torn off through your wallet.'"
 -- Robin William's comment on the above
%%
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
I tend to reject the position that the truth of a proposition is an exact
corollary of its credibility.
 -- William F. Buckley, Jr., On The Firing Line
%%
I tested positive for EIB!
%%
It exists only if the DM allows it to exist.
%%
It faded on the crowing of the cock.
Some say that ever 'gainst that season comes
Wherein our Saviour's birth is celebrated,
The bird of dawning singeth all night long:
And then, they say, no spirit dares stir
The nights are wholesome; then no planets strike,
No fairy takes, nor witch hath power to charm,
So hallow'd and so gracious is the time.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
It felt good to be on-line again...
%%
It figures. If there is Artificial Intelligence,
then there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.
%%
It follows that any commander in chief who undertakes to carry out a plan
 which he considers defective is at fault; he must put forth his reasons,
 insist of the plan being changed, and finally tender his resignation rather
than be the instrument of his army's downfall.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Military Maxims and Thought"
%%
It frequently happens that an optomist is a perfectly normal person in most
 other respects.
%%
It galls you, doesn't it.  The thought of a Liberal Christian.
%%
It gets real lonely as a moderate activist, standing
alone with a sign that reads, "Reasonable informed
discussion of the issues as soon as feasible"
%%
It gets you nowhere if the other person's tail is only just in sight
for the second half of the conversation.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Marvin
%%
It gives me pleasure to be praised by you whom all men praise.
 -- Tully
%%
It goes much against my stomach. Hast any philosophy in thee, shepherd?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
It got better when the Swedish Bikini Team came.
%%
It had need to bee
A wylie mouse that should breed in the cats eare.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
It had to be said: the world is perishing from an orgy of self-sacrifice.
 -- Howard Roark, in Ayn Rand's _The Fountainhead_
%%
It had to happen, and it has. Ismelda Marcos is waiting for permission to
 go to Isreal, where she will plant several shoe trees.
%%
I thank God I am as honest as any man living that is an old man and
no honester than I.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
I thank God I wore my corset, because I think my sides have split.
 -- Edmund to Melchett : Money
%%
I thank God, that if I am gifted with little of the spirit which is
able to raise mortals to the skies, I have yet none, as I trust, of
that other spirit which would drag angels down.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Second Speech on Foot's Resolution, Jan. 26, 1830, p. 316
%%
I thank my lucky stars I don't believe in astrology.
%%
I thank my lucky stars I'm not superstitious.
%%
I thank thee, Jew, for teaching me that word.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I thank the goodness and the grace
  Which on my birth have smiled,
And made me, in these Christian days,
  A happy Christian child.
 -- Jane Taylor (1783-1824)
 -- A Child's Hymn of Praise
%%
I thank you for your voices: thank you:
Your most sweet voices.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
It happened that a fire broke out backstage in a theater.  The clown
came out to inform the public.  They thought it was just a jest and
applauded.  He repeated his warning, they shouted even louder.  So I
think the world will come to an end amid general applause from all the
wits, who believe that it is a joke.
%%
It happens as with cages: the birds without despair to get in, and
those within despair of getting out.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. v
%%
It happens in an hour, that happens not in seven years.
 -- Proverb
%%
It happens sometimes.   People just explode.  Natural causes.
%%
It has all the contortions of the sibyl without the inspiration.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Prior's Life of Burke
%%
It has always been true that in the United States
 the people who ought to read books write them.
 -- Gore Vidal
 -- [Editor's note: Now if Vidal would only take his own advice...]
%%
It has always seemed to me extreme presumptuousness on the part of those who
want to make human ability the measure of what nature can and knows how to
do, since, when one comes down to it, there is not one effect in nature, no
matter how small, that even the most speculative minds can fully understand.
 -- Galileo Galilei
%%
It has become quite a common proverb that in wine there is truth.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xiv, Sect. 141
%%
It has beeen said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of
money is so quite as truly.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
It has been a bitter moritification for me to digest the conclusion that the
'race is for the strong' and that I shall probably do little more but be
content to admire the strides others made in science.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
It has been determined that most teenage girls lose their virginity
during the summer months.  This stands to reason, since congress is
recessed at that time.
%%
It has been discovered that C++ provides a remarkable facility for concealing
the trivial details of a program - such as where its bugs are.
%%
IT HAS BEEN KNOWN
I haven't bothered to look up the original reference
 -- Research definitions
%%
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
It has been noted that the most common pain in the neck has absolutely
 nothing whatsoever to do with whiplash.
%%
It has been noticed that coin laundries often attract people who appear to
 have made a life time profession of not using soap.
%%
It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is
thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have
drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
It has been observed that the height of a man from the crown of the
head to the sole of the foot is equal to the distance between the
tips of the middle fingers of the two hands when extended in a straight
line.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 77
%%
It has been related that dogs drink at the river Nile running along,
that they may not be seized by the crocodiles.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book i, Fable 25, 3
%%
It has been said that fish is a good brain food. That's a fallacy. But
 brains are a good fish food!
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
It has been said that man is a rational animal.  All my life I have
 been searching for evidence which could support this.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
It has been said that nothing is impossible;
yet there are many people doing nothing every day.
%%
It has been said that there are two theories of history: conspiracy
and blunder. If there is some truth to that, it is surely equally
true that blunder seldom receives all the credit due it as an explanation
of complex events.
 -- Michael Scully
%%
It has been said that there is no fool like an old fool, except a young
 fool. But the young fool has got to grow up to be an old fool, before he
 can realize what a damn fool he was when he was a young fool. No fooling!
%%
It has been said that trees are imperfect men, and seem to bemoan their
imprisonment rooted in the ground. But they never seem so to me. I never
saw a discontented tree. They grip the ground as though they liked it, and
though fast rooted they travel about as far as we do. They go wandering
forth in all directions with every wind, going and coming like ourselves,
traveling with us around the sun two million miles a day, and through space
heaven knows how fast and far!
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
It has been the providence of Nature to give this creature [the cat]
nine lives instead of one.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Greedy and Ambitious Cat, Chap. i, Fable iii
%%
It has come to my attention that nothing I never said has caused me any
 harm. When I am gone, you will be sorry you never heard me say what I don't
 usually. But if you had, it would have been memorable, which now it isn't
 because you didn't. I have enjoyed these occasional flashes of silence so
 much, since they enhance my conversation so delightfully. It is a pleasure
 for those who do not listen, so they don't have to hear what I do not say,
 which is one of the major reasons why I don't say what I do not do. I hope
 this clears up all the confusion.
%%
It has come to our attention that there are far far too many nude mice in
 North America today. Help stamp out nude mice. (This is a Public Service
 Announcement)
%%
It has come to our considered attention that in a
large majority of cases, far too many people use a
great deal more words than is absolutely necessary
when engaged in the practice of writing sentences.
%%
It has happened to me a great deal. The appearance of a security guard
 brings about a tremendous feeling of insecurity. Take a look at some of
 those folks. Wow!
%%
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
%%
It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another - but which
one?  Differences are crucial.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
It has many other uses as well.  Allow me.
 -- Worf
%%
It has no advantage to argue with the teacher.
%%
It has no lock.
%%
It has no punch lines.
%%
It has nothing to do with the size of Mr. Alnwick's company.   We go after
 companies large and small.
 -- Rita Black, spokesperson for IBM, Unix Today!, 5/29/89, page 51
%%
It has to be hard to be good.
%%
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
It hath been an opinion that the French are wiser than they seem,
and the Spaniards seem wiser than they are; but howsoever it be between
nations, certainly it is so between man and man.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Seeming Wise
%%
I [] TheDraw v. 4.0!
%%
I, the heir of all the ages, in the foremost files of time.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 178
%%
It helps a little if you review Alice in Wonderland immediately before
examining the export regulations.
 -- Prof. Jerry Saltzer, in 1988
%%
"I therefore send to His Majesty a chart drawn by my own hand, upon
which is laid out the western coast from Ireland on the north to the
end of Guinea, and the islands which lie on that route, in front of
which directly to the west, is shown the beginning

 of the Indies...  And do not marvel at my calling 'west' the regions
where the spices grow, although they are commonly called 'east'; because
whoever sails westward will always find those lands in the west, while
one who goes overland to the east will al
ways find the same lands in the east."
 -- Paolo dal Pozzo Toscanelli,
 -- Letter to Fernao Martins, canon of Lisbon, June 25, 1474
%%
I thimk I've finally got this ficts, fics, fixd....
%%
It hinders the creative work of the mind if the intellect examin        es too
closely the ideas as they pour in.
 -- Friedrich Schiller (1759-1805)
%%
I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles.  It
 would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle.  After a
 while, though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some
 pornography.  Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an
 eagle.  He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents.
 Then, some more pornography.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver.  And since
 he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets
 hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to
 study the brain.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat".  It's a fake baby
duck, which you strap on top of your head.  Then you go swimming underwater
until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them.  Then,
all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla.
 Man, those ducks really take off!  Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for
parties.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another
 scientist, "You know what will save the world?  You're holding it in your
 hand."  And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts.  Then when
 he looks up, the first scientist is being taken away to the insane asylum.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think a good way to get into a movie is to show up where they're making the
 movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto you buttocks and start yowling and
 running around.  Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy
 would say, "Hey, let's put him in the movie."
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think all cars should have car phones in 'em and their license plates
 should be their phone number. So you can call 'em up and tell 'em to get
 the hell out of the way. Old people would have 800 numbers.
 -- John Mendoza
%%
I think a man can have two, maybe three affairs while he is married. But
 three is the absolute maximum. After that, you are cheating.
 -- Yves Montand
%%
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle,
 so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
 -- Raymond Chandler
%%
I think a new, different kind of bowling should be "carpet bowling."  It's just
 like regular bowling, only the lanes are carpet instead of wood.  I don't know
 why we should do this, but my God, we've got to try something!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think animal testing is a terrible idea;
 they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
 -- _A Bit of Fry and Laurie_
%%
I think a SysOp Needs Nine Lives - I need ten.
%%
"I think Casper is the ghost of Richie Rich. I wonder how Richie died?"
"Perhaps he realized how hollow the pursuit of money is and took his own life."
 -- Bart and Lisa Simpson, "The Simpsons"
%%
I think cement is more interesting than people think.
%%
I think children have an instinctive need for adults; they want to
  be told right and wrong.
 -- Kirk, "Miri," stardate 2713.6.
%%
I think Clinton just taxed my tax refund.
%%
I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls
 and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing
 around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think contraception is disgusting -- people using each other for pleasure.
 -- Joseph Scheidler, Director, Pro-Life Action League
%%
I think, .... Do You?
%%
I think especially in her position, a highly successful professional
woman, it would be a real exception to have an unwed child.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle to The Chron's Jerry Roberts.
%%
I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass.
 -- Barry Goldwater
%%
I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell's ass.
 -- Senator Barry Goldwater, when asked what he thought of Jerry Falwell's
 suggestion that all good Christians should be against Sandra Day O'Connor's
 nomination to the Supreme Court
%%
I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
   I think for the most part that the readership here uses the c-word in
a similar fashion.  I don't think anybody really believes in a new, revolution-
ary literature --- I think they use `cyberpunk' as a term of convenience to
discuss the common stylistic elements in a small subset of recent sf books.
 -- Jeff G. Bone
%%
I think God invented rain to give dead people something to complain about.
 -- David Brenner
%%
I think he's a couple bushels shy of a full crop.
%%
I think he's a couple keys short of a concert piano.
%%
I think he's a couple of cans short of a six-pack.
%%
I think he's a couple of ticks past the noon whistle.
%%
I think he's a couple sharps short of B Major.
%%
I think he's a few bars short of a finished symphony.
%%
I think he's a few bricks short of a whole wall.
%%
I think he's a few bytes short of a checksum.
%%
I think he's a few channels short of Basic Cable.
%%
I think he's a few croutons short of a garden salad.
%%
I think he's a few pipes short of a church organ.
%%
I think he's a few strings short of a violin section.
%%
I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'    Nonsense, he was obviously
referring to all manufacturers of dairy products.
 -- two people in the crowd in The Life of Brian
%%
I think he's one taco short of a combination platter.
%%
I think he's playing his oboe with just one reed.
%%
I think he's playing solitaire with a pinochle deck.
%%
I think he's playing the lead violin part on a viola.
%%
I think he's pulling your leg. Believe it or not, Worf is developing
  a sense of humor.
I hope so...for their sake.
 -- Yar and Riker, "11001001", stardate 41365.9
%%
I think I agree with the old lady who said if God had intended us to fly he
 would never have given us the railways.
 -- Michael Flanders
%%
I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I think I am better than the people who are trying to reform me.
 -- E.W. Howe
%%
[I think] [I am] <In a circular flowchart>
%%
[I think] [I am] <In a flowchart with a decision box>
%%
I think I am! I think I am!
 -- the little engine that philosophized
%%
I think................I am paid.
%%
I think I can explain, sir.
Can you, Baldrick?
........No.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
I think I'd be a good mother--maybe a little overprotective. Like I would
 never let the kid out--of my body.
 -- Wendy Liebman
%%
..  I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with
 a few common MISAPPREHENSIONS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I think I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
%%
 I think I'd probably put a bullet in my head if I had Robin Leach
 over to my house.
 -- actor Tim Robbins
%%
I think I embarrassed the lady next to me on the plane. It was one of those
 flights that you sleep on. And I sleep in the nude.
 -- Johnny Dark
%%
I think I exist; therefore, I may be.
%%
I think I just heresied on several important religions.
%%
I think I just lost my appetite.
%%
I think I'll end it all, Sue sighed.
%%
..  I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this
 14th STOREY WINDOW while reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I think I lost my mind.  Please watch where you step.
%%
I think I made a horrible mistake.
 -- Wesley to Guinan, "Evolution", stardate 43125.8
%%
I Think I May Have Eaten There Myself Department: A man left a restaurant
 with a sandwich for which he had not paid, at high noon. He was quickly
 apprehended by the police and had the evidence in hand at the time. Taken
 before the local magistrate, the man admitted his guilt. The magistrate,
 reflecting on the fact that on one occasion he himself had eaten there at
 the same restaurant from which the sandwich was stolen, ordered the man to
 undergo a thorough psychiatric examination and waived all criminal charges.
 Some sandwich!
%%
I think I may sneeze.
"A Klingon sneeze?"
Only one I know.
 -- Worf and Geordi, "Angel One", stardate 41636.9
%%
I think I'm going to cry.
%%
I think I'm gonna, Barf.
%%
I think I'm gonna, Blow chunks.
%%
I think I'm gonna, Hurl.
%%
I think I'm gonna lose my lunch!
%%
I think I'm gonna, Pray to the porcelain god.
%%
I think I'm gonna, Puke.
%%
I think I'm gonna, spew.
%%
I think I'm gonna whoop my cookies!
%%
 I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king,
 because I like people to do what I say.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think I see a tag line comming... YEP.
%%
I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had!
%%
I think it a very happy accident.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lviii
%%
I think. I think I am. Therefore I am... I think.
%%
I think I think, therefore I might be.
%%
I think I think. Therefore, I think I am.
%%
I think it is true for all n. I was just playing it safe with n >= 3
because I couldn't remember the proof.
 -- Baker, Pure Math 351a
%%
I think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
%%
I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts.  After all,
we've been voting for boobs long enough.
 -- Claire Sargent, on women candidates
 -- The World Almanac and Book of Facts, 1993
%%
I think it's a good reminder of who's really in charge.
 -- Federal worker on the snow-related shutdown in Washington, D.C.
 -- [January 1996]
%%
I think it's beautiful the way the sun lights up the hair in your ears.
 -- Frank Burns on MASH
%%
I think it's pretty sad that someone can take $300 million and try to
buy the presidency of the United States.
 -- Marilyn Quayle, on Ross Perot, who, as of the time
     she said this (May 29), had spent less than $2
     million, versus Bush and Clinton's $15m+ apiece
%%
I think it's time to change the air in your woman.
%%
I think it's very hard to be naked in a scene and not be upstaged by
your nipples.
 -- Susan Sarandon
%%
I think it would be better for us both if you were to just log out.
%%
I think I've got a headache.....
%%
I think I will plan being spontaneous tomorrow
%%
I think life should be more like TV.   I think all of life's problems
ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you?
I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns.
I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone
should drive fancy sports cars.  All our desires should be instantly
gratified.  Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should
carry powerful handguns.  Life overall should be more glamorous,
thrill-packed, and filled with applause.
%%
I think like a flowchart.
%%
I think Little League is wonderful.  It keeps the kids out of the
 house.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
I think man invented the car by instinct.
%%
I think marriage is a very personal thing.
%%
I think Michael is like litmus paper - he's always trying to learn.
 -- Elizabeth Taylor, absurd non-sequitur about Michael Jackson
%%
I think my career is ruined!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I think my family tree is a few branches short!
%%
Ith i nk m y ha rd d i sk  i sfr a gme n te d !
%%
I think my learning curve has turned into a circle.
%%
I think my mistake was yelling "Hi" to the eyewitnesses as they filed into
 court.
 -- Phil Interlandi
%%
I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk
 around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think my sex drive's got a surge supressor!
%%
I think my sight's improving.  Before I could only see a dark blur, now I
 -can see a light blur.
 -- C3PO (Star Wars)
%%
Ithinkmyspacebarstoppedworking.
%%
"I think my wife may be getting somewhat overweight.
"Oh, how can you tell?"
"Well, last night when she sat on my face, I couldn't hear the stereo."
%%
I think not, said Descartes; and promptly disappeared.
%%
I think of life as a good book.  The further you get into it, the more it
begins to make sense.
 -- Harold S. Kushner
%%
I think one of the reasons I'm popular again is because I'm wearing a tie.
You have to be different.
 -- Tony Bennett
%%
I think our No.1 problem is that nobody wants to take responsibility for
anything, but don't quote me.
 -- Randy Glasbergen, "The Saturday Evening Post"
%%
I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of
 like dogs.  Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think pop music has done more for oral intercourse
 than anything else that has ever happened, and vice versa.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
I think Rodney King said it best when he said: 'Ow ow ow ow..'
 -- Dennis Leary
%%
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
%%
I think some additional software is in order, to prevent the posting of
 Latin without a translation.
 -- Robert Frederking
%%
I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp.  That
 way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him.
 How about it, science?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think somehow, we learn who we really are
and then live with that decision.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
"I think someone's drunk," muttered a purple bushlike being into his
wineglass.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon
was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending
he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce
 that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted
 him to.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back
 inside the hat is at least a decade away.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick
 and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this
 country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people
 in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly
 not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.
 -- Monty Python
%%
I think that I am tired of reality.  I am going to read Taglines.
%%
I think that I'm the friendliest guy in my zipcode.
%%
I think...that in a week from now, you will be less in the mood for
  being amusing.
At least when I'm in the mood, I _can_ be amusing.
 -- Ludwig and Edmund : Chains
%%
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
 -- Ogden Nash (1902-1971), Happy Days (1933) "Song of the Open Road"
%%
I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
 -- Joyce Kilmer (1886-1918), Trees and Other Poems (1814) "Trees"
%%
I think that I shall never see
A thing as lovely as a tree.
But as you see the trees have gone
They went this morning with the dawn.
A logging firm from out of town
Came and chopped the trees all down.
But I will trick those dirty skunks
And write a brand new poem called 'Trunks'.
%%
I think that I think; therefore, I think I am. (Cogito cogito, ergo
cogito ergo sum.)
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
I think that it is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers
are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial
intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial
intelligence.
 -- Richard Feynman
%%
I think that it will rain tomorrow
... but that is strictly my opinion
- And I prefer snow :-)
 -- Jacob Baekke-Groome, of the Denmarks Meteorological Institute
%%
I think that Jean-Paul Sartre's masterwork Rues a Liberte was an alegory
 of man's search for commitment.
 -- Mrs. Premise
%%
I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get
somewhere.
 -- James Thurber
%%
I think that the team that wins game five will win the series.
 Unless we lose game five.
 -- Charles Barkley
%%
I think that usingtoo  many formatting characters is useless!
%%
...I think that when statesmen forsake their private conscience for the sake
 of their public duties, they lead their country by a short route to chaos.
 -- Sir Thomas Moore to Cardinal Woolsey in _A Man for All Seasons_
%%
I think the behavior is genetic.
%%
I think the best way I've heard this put is "Pascal gives you a water pistol
filled with distilled water.  C not only gives you a loaded .357, it points
it at your head as a default.  Why do you think Pascal is taught in school?
And which would you rather have when there was a hungry bear in the area?"
 -- Jim Harkins (jharkins@sagpd1.UUCP)
%%
I think the death of macho is easily located on a
very recent map.
 -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?"
%%
I think The Doctor would *confuse* the Borg.
%%
I think the easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead
 people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong,
 maybe you'd get a pulse.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
I think the Europeans are hostile toward the English because the English
 have some irritating habits--the habit, for instance, of ending sentences
 with questions that sound like reprimands: "You say it's difficult for you
 to tell because you haven't read the survey? Well, you'll have to read it,
 then, won't you?" See how snotty that sounds?

 Why do the English talk so funny? For one thing, they're all hard of
 hearing. All Englishmen are hard of hearing. That's why they end a lot of
 sentences with questions--just to check and make sure the other fellow
 heard what they were saying ... That's why they're always saying, "I say!"
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
I think the first duty of society is justice.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.
 -- Bill Maher
%%
I think their experience with us may have helped their contemptuousness;
 the ignorance they come by naturally.
 -- Chuck McManis (personal communication)
%%
I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed
 psychiatrist is our "friend."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't
 hypnotize you.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think the next four years we should try it with no President.
 -- Dana Fradon
%%
I think the problem isn't the amount of knowledge we have to assimilate in
our world, but the rate at which we can assimiliate it. Science, engineering,
and technology do not yield the 'whys' of truth; only the 'hows.' In fact,
they are not truths, but opinions from the current reigning theories of how we
think the physical world works.
 -- Eugene Miya, NASA Ames Research Center
%%
I think there are innumerable gods.  What we here on earth call God is a
little tribal God who has made an awful mess.  Certainly forces operating
trough human consciousness control events.
 -- William S. Buroughs
 -- Paris Review, Fall 1965
%%
I think the reason my parents didn't like me is I was not a good-looking
 kid. My whole family was embarrassed, they didn't want me to be seen ...
 They enrolled me in a school for the blind.
 -- Billy Braver
%%
I think, therefore I add Taglines. ...Often, they're YOURS!
%%
I think, therefore I am a Consumer.
%%
I think, therefore I am confused.
%%
I think, therefore I am... dangerous, that is...
%%
I think, therefore I am. I think.
%%
I think, therefore I am not a feminizt!
%%
I think, therefore I am... not a Republican.
%%
I think, therefore I am NOT in government.
%%
I think, therefore I am obviously overqualified.
%%
I think, therefore I am on-line.
%%
I think, therefore I am. (Or am I?)
%%
I think, therefore I am paid.
%%
I think, therefore I am.
 -- Rene Descartes
%%
I think, therefore I can't be a liberal.
%%
I think, therefore I can't be a Socialist.
 -- Thomas Landsberger
%%
I think therefore I create bugs.
 -- Descartes
%%
I think, therefore I'm liberal.
%%
I think, therefore I'm not an MP.
%%
I think, therefore I'm single.
 -- Lizz Winsteadad
%%
I think, therefore I scan.
%%
I think, therefore I... shoot, was I saying something?
%%
I think, therefore I think I am.
%%
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
 -- Thomas Watson, IBM Founder, 1943
%%
I think there is one smashing rule - never face the facts.
%%
I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many
 loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean
 lengthwise loaves.  Otherwise, it makes no sense.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect."  I
 don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say,
 "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple
to blue, and it has to do with where the light is.   You know, the
farther we get into darkness, and there's a shifting of color of light
into the blueness, and I think as you go farther and farther away from
the reflected light we have from the sun or the light that's bouncing
off this earth, uh, the darker it gets ... I think if you look at the
color scale, you start at black, move it through purple, move it on
out, it's the shifting of color.  We mentioned before about the stars
singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors.
 -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club
%%
I think the world is run by C students.
 -- Al McGuire
%%
I think they're going to take all this money that we spend now on war
  and death --
And make them spend it on life.
 -- Edith Keeler and Kirk, "The City on the Edge of Forever," stardate unknown.
%%
I think they will be very effective in keeping Catholic legislators away
 from the Communion rail.
 -- Idaho Senator Mike Blackbird, about ecclesiastical sanctions against
      politicians
%%
I think thinking is so important.
%%
I think this country would be in much better shape if all liberal arts
 majors agreed to get a good grip on algebra and trigonometry, if not calculus,
 and all engineering/science majors agreed to get a good grip on literature,
 art, music, etc.
 -- John Keppy (jkelly@violet.berkeley.edu)
%%
I think trash is the most important manifestation of culture we have in my
 lifetime.
 -- Johnny Legend
%%
I think we can all agree that there is not enough common courtesy shown
... HEY!  PAY ATTENTION WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU DAMMIT!  I said I think
we can all agree that there is not enough common courtesy shown today.
When we take the time to be courteous to each other, we find that we
are happier and less likely to engage in nuclear war.  This point was
driven home by the recent summit talks, where Nancy Reagan and Raisa
Gorbachev, each of whose husband thinks the other's husband is vermin,
were able to sit down at a high-level tea and engage in courteous
conversation ...
 -- Dave Barry, The Stuff of Etiquette
%%
I think we can break the monopoly of the red Ferrari on the roads and
tracks of the world.  I want to produce the fastest son of a gun I can
for the least money - that's the American style - and I don't think any
country in the world can stop us now
 -- Carroll Shelby
%%
I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not
enough the bad luck of the early worm.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
I think we just lost the baby with the bath water.
%%
I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW
 -- Pick up line
%%
I think we're back to normality at last.
%%
I think we're in for a bad spell of wether.
%%
I think we're supposed to READ the messages... :) heh heh
%%
I think we should stop looking for issues to
discuss.  I think we should shut up and get to
work.
 -- Howard Chaykin
%%
I think we've got an eater!
 Are you suggesting.. eating my mother???
 Uhhh - yeah! Not raw, cooked!
 -- Monty Python
%%
I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that
says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I think you enjoyed that, Captain.
You're DAMNED right!
 -- Riker and Picard, "The Ensigns of Command", stardate unknown
%%
I think you had better start lining your hat with tinfoil.
%%
I think you have me confused with someone who gives a shit!
%%
I think you ought to know I'm feeling terribly depressed.
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Marvin
%%
I think you're pretty tough, don't I?
 -- Daffy Duck
%%
I think you should always laugh in bed--people always laugh at me when I'm
 in bed.
 -- Boy George
%%
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down
 and meet them with baseball bats.
 -- Woody Allen, on the KKK
%%
I think you should know I worry a lot. Like the
 Noble sperm bank. Something bothers me about the
 world's greatest geniuses sitting around reading
 pornography and jerking off.
 -- Jane Wagner
%%
I thoroughly disapprove of duels.  If a man should challenge me, I would
  take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place
  and kill him.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
I thot I saw a tweety bird, I did !  I did!
%%
I thought about being Born Again, but my mother refused.
%%
I thought DEL *.* -really- deleted the files!
%%
I thought he was one of the human race - but he is not.
%%
I thought I could do my own small part to save the planet by becoming a
 vegetarian. Actually, I did it not so much because I love animals but
 because I hate plants. I still like to hunt, though. In fact, I've found
 that plants are a lot easier than animals to sneak up on.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
I thought I had a back-up, but she refused to type it in again.
%%
I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.
%%
I thought I saw a Puddy Cat.....
%%
I thought it couldn't get worse, but then came Bill Clinton.
%%
I thought it couldn't get worse, but then came Ross Perot.
%%
I thought I told you to SHUT UP!
 -- Reid Fleming, World's Toughest Milkman
%%
I thought it would make a wicked wave to surf on.
 -- Moses, talking about the real reason he parted the Red Sea
%%
I thought I understood Newton's Third Law before that lecture.
%%
I thought I was dead once, then I found out I was just in Mississippi.
%%
I thought I was going to die.
Impossible, you were never alone.
 -- Kirk & Spock, "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken.
%%
I thought my mother was a bad cook, but at least her gravy used to move
 about.
 -- Tony Hancock
%%
I thought my people would grow tired of killing.  But you were
  right, they see it is easier than trading.  And it has its
  pleasures.  I feel it myself.  Like the hunt, but with richer
  rewards.
 -- Apella, "A Private Little War," stardate 4211.8.
%%
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my hand
 through it.
%%
I thought only women wore pumps.
%%
I thought "PAGAN" meant "PARTY"??????
%%
I thought RAMDISK was an installation process !!
%%
I thought that they were angels.  But, to my surprise,
 they climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies.
%%
I thought that you thought... must be mistaken.
%%
I thought, therefore I was.
%%
I thought thy bride-bed to have deck'd, sweet maid,
And not have strew'd thy grave.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
I thought up a great tagline, but it was a sight gag.
%%
I thought upon one pair of English legs
Did march three Frenchmen.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iii, Sc. 6
%%
I thought you and he were hand-in-glove.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
I thought you had the plane tickets!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
I thought you said, "grand illusion," not "grand delusion!"
%%
I thought you said that your dog does not bite! -- It's not my dog.
%%
I thought YOU silenced the guard!
%%
I thought you were dead...
%%
I thought you were insufferable. Now you'll just suffer.
%%
I thought you were the one with brains....
 -- Travis (to Avon)
Brains. But no heart....
 -- Avon
%%
I thought you were trying to get into shape.
I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle.
%%
I threw caution to the wind.  It threw it back.  I ducked.
%%
I threw caution to the wind....it threw up!
%%
I thrive on stress.
%%
I throw pennies away...
%%
It hurteth not the toung to give faire words.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
%%
I, thus neglecting worldly ends, all dedicated
To closeness and the bettering of my mind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
...it increases my paranoia like looking in my mirror and seeing a
 police car--but I'm not giving in an inch to fear.
 -- David Crosby
%%
It is a bad plan that admits of no modification.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 469
%%
It is a blessed thing that in every age someone has had the individuality
enough and courage enough to stand by his own convictions.
 -- Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
 It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that
 encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice
 witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
 -- televangelist Marion "Pat" Robertson,
                   speaking of the Equal Rights Amendment
%%
It is absolutely no problem to stop smoking.
 It is only a question of HOW OFTEN!
 -- Manfred Groesche
%%
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad.
People are either charming or tedious.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data.
Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead
of theories to suit facts.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "Sherlock Holmes: Scandal in Bohemia"
%%
It is a common delusion that you make things better by talking about
 them.
 -- Dame Rose Macaulay
%%
It is a condition which confronts us--not a theory.
 -- Grover Cleveland (1837-1908)
 -- Annual Message, 1887
%%
It is a consolation to the wretched to have companions in misery.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 995
%%
It is a conspiracy.
%%
It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways
to spell any word.
 -- Andrew Jackson, 1833
%%
It is a deere collop
That is cut out of th' owne flesh.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
It is a difficult task, O citizens, to make speeches to the belly,
which has no ears.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Marcus Cato
%%
It is a difficult thing for a man to resist the natural necessity
of mortal passions.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of those whom God is slow to punish
%%
It is a double pleasure to deceive the deceiver.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Cock and the Fox, Book ii, Fable 15
%%
It is a fact, Jamie, that I do tend to get involved with things.
 -- Doctor, The War Games
%%
It is a fairly good sign that you are obsessive-compulsive when you don't
 celebrate Ash Wednesday by receiving ashes because you don't want to get
 your forehead dirty.
%%
It is a faith (not always justified) of theoretical physics that if man
 proposes what is sufficiently elegant, nature, pleased and flattered, will
 say yes.
 -- Leon N. Cooper, Introduction To The Meaning & Structure Of Physics
%%
It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a
far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.
 -- Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
%%
It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than
to put out on the troubled seas of thought.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
It is a foolish man who tests the depth of the river with both feet at the
 same time. Often this person tests just one river.
%%
It is a foule byrd that fyleth his owne nest.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
It is, after all,  only a moment in the infinity of time.
%%
It is a fundamental law of nature that nothing ever quite works out.
 -- Murphy's Seventh Law
%%
It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to
 program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in
 organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be
 self-critical?
 -- Alan Perlis
%%
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
Urbana, Illinois.
%%
It is against the law to use occupied clothing for target practice.
%%
It is against the nature of man as he grows older ... to protest against
change, particularly change for the better.
 -- John Steinbeck (1902-1968)
%%
It is a good answer which knows how to stop.
%%
It is a good divine that follows his own instructions.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
It is a good idea, particularly when you are doing the eyes, to get the
 sitter to look at you. In this way the portrait will look in every
 direction and at everyone who looks at it. This is something much praised
 by those who do not understand how it is done.
 -- Antonio Palomino y Velasco
%%
It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about
 the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic.
 Don't be shy! After all you're paying for it.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet
 hypothesis every day before breakfast.  It keeps him young.
 -- Konrad Lorenz
%%
It is a good point of cunning for a man to shape the answer he would
have in his own words and propositions, for it makes the other party
stick the less.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Cunning
%%
It is a good rule of health that tells us that we should eat not one ounce
 more at any given meal than we are able to bench press easily.
%%
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.
Bartlett's Familiar Quotations is an admirable work, and I studied it
intently.  The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good
thoughts.  They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for
more.
 -- Sir Winston Spencer Churchill  1874-1965,
 -- Roving Commission: My Early Life [1930]
%%
It is a great advantage for a system of philosophy to be substantially true.
 -- George Santayana
%%
It is a great and dangerous error to suppose that all people are
equally entitled to liberty.
 -- John C. Calhoun
%%
It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor,
 however, it is absolutely essential.
 -- Robert Morley
%%
It is a great misfortune neither to have enough wit to talk well
nor enough judgement to be silent.
 -- Jean de La Brupere
%%
It is a human characteristic to love little animals, especially
  if they're attractive in some way.
 -- McCoy, "The Trouble with Tribbles," stardate 4525.6.
%%
It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be
happy without money.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
It is a known fact that men are practical, hardheaded realists, in contrast
 to women, who are romantic dreamers and actually believe that estrogenic
 skin cream must do something or they couldn't charge sixteen dollars for
 that little tiny jar.
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
"It is alarming and also nauseating to see Mr. Gandhi, a seditious
Middle Temple lawyer, now posing as a fakir of a type well known in
the East, striding half-naked up the steps of the Viceregal palace,
while he is still organising and conducting a campaign of civil disobedience,
to parley on equal terms with the representative of King-Emperor."
 -- Winston Churchill,
 -- speech to the West Essex Conservatives, February 23, 1930
%%
It is alleged that when Einstein and his wife visited the Mount
Wilson Observatory in California, Mrs. Einstein pointed to a particularly
complex piece of equipment and asked its purpose. Their guide said
that it was used to determine the shape of the universe. "Oh," she
said, not at all impressed, "my husband uses the back of an old
envelope to work that out."
%%
It is all one to me if a man comes from Sing Sing or Harvard.
We hire a man, not his history.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
It is almost as difficult to make a man unlearn his errors as his knowledge.
%%
It is almost impossible systematically to constitute a natural moral
law. Nature has no principles. She furnishes us with no reason to
believe that human life is to be respected. Nature, in her indifference
makes no distinction between good and evil.
%%
It is almost sure death to eat cucumbers and drink milk at the same meal.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
It is a lot more fun to suspect someone of something than to know the true
 facts of the case under discussion.
%%
It is also very important for you to know that, during the course of your
 lifetime, you will generate some 8,000 gallons of saliva, at the rate of
 some 3 pints a day. Remember not to druel!
%%
It is a luxury to be understood.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is
 absolutely fatal.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
It is always a valid assumption to assume that your assumption was invalid.
%%
It is always best and safest to count on nothing from the Americans but
 words.
 -- Neville Chamberlain
%%
It is always best not to tell people of your troubles.  Half of them are
not interested and the other half are glad you're getting what's coming
to you.
%%
It is always better to discuss what is right, rather than who is wrong.
%%
It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men
%%
It is always better to trust your dog, rather than your neighbors.
 -- Walton
%%
It is always darkest just before the day dawneth.
 -- Thomas Fuller (1608-1661)
%%
It is always darkest just before you turn on the lights.
%%
It is always good
When a man has two irons in the fire.
 -- Francis Beaumont (1586-1616)
 -- The Faithful Friends, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
It is always preferable to visit home with a friend.  Your parents will not be
pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in
the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings ...
 -- Playboy, January 1983
%%
It is always right that a man should be able to render a reason for
the faith that is within him.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 53
%%
It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you
 are an exceptionally good liar.
 -- Jerome K. Jerome
%%
It is a maxim of old that among themselves all things are common to friends.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Adelphoe, Act v, Sc. 3, 18, (803.)
%%
It is a maxim, that those to whom everybody allows the second place
have an undoubted title to the first.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Tale of a Tub, Dedication
%%
It is a maxim universally agreed upon in agriculture, that nothing
must be done too late; and again, that everything must be done at
its proper season; while there is a third precept which reminds us
that opportunities lost can never be regained.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xviii, Sect. 44
%%
It is a maxim with me that no man was ever written out of reputation
but by himself.
 -- Richard Bentley (1662-1742)
 -- Monk's Life of Bentley, Page 90
%%
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the
  credit.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted
from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels,
in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
It is a melancholy truth that even great men have their poor relations.
 -- Charles Dickens, Bleak House
%%
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
 -- Albert Einstein -
%%
It is a miserable thing to live in suspense, it is the life of the spider.
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
It is a mistake for a sculptor or a painter to speak or write very often
 about his job. It releases tension needed for his work.
 -- Henry Moore
%%
 It is a mistake to allow any mechanical
 object to realize that you are in a hurry.
 -- Ralph's Observation
%%
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.
 -- Murphy's Thirty-First Law
%%
It is a mistake to assume that in order to give an immortal speech, it must
 also be eternal.
%%
It is a mistake to believe that a science consists in nothing but conclusively
proved propositions, and it is unjust to demand that it should. It is a demand
only from those who feel a craving for authority in some form and a need to
replace the religious catechism by something else, even it it be a scientific
one.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
It is a mistake to suppose that God is only, or even chiefly, concerned with
religion.
 -- Archbishop William Temple
 -- 1955
%%
    It is a mistake to think of all demons as being exactly alike. Some are
short while others are tall; some are yellow, others are blue; some are nasty
and others are extremely nasty. Some of the nastiest are quite fast as well.
Should you encounter one of these, it is a mistake to think at all. Much more
appropriate are such responses as running, screaming, and the very rapid
formation of a last will and testament.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. IX
%%
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
It is a mite discouraging when someone has an hourglass figure and a face
 that would stop a clock.
%%
It is a most mortifying reflection for a man to consider what he has
done, compared to what he might have done.
 -- Samuel Johnson, Boswell's Life, 1770
%%
It is amusing for someone accustomed to the traffic in New York to
hear residents of places like Houston and Atlanta complain about
congestion on the highways. Imagine, in rush hour they have to slow
down to 35 miles an hour!
 -- Barry Bruce-Briggs
%%
It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a
 pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the
 sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color.
 -- Voltaire
%%
It is an historical  botch  to  require  specification  of
object, radix, and sign representation in a single character argument.
 -- Unix Manual, od(1)
%%
It is an immense advantage to have done nothing, but one should not abuse
 it.
 -- Comte de Rivarol
%%
It is an important and popular fact that things are not always as they
 seem.
 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what
they seem.  For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed
that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so
much -- the wheel, New York wars and so on -- whilst all the dolphins
had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time.  But
conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more
intelligent than man -- for precisely the same reasons.

Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending
destruction of the of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to
alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were
misinterpreted ...
 -- Douglas Adams "The Hitch-Hikers' Guide To The Galaxy"
 -- Encyclopedia Glactica, Vol 177, pg 14395.3
%%
It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be
 thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge.
 -- Voltaire
%%
It is an irrepressible conflict between opposing and enduring forces.
 -- William H. Seward (1801-1872)
 -- Speech, Oct. 25, 1858
%%
It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
 -- Ovid [43B.C. - A.D.18]
%%
It is an odd thing, but everyone who disappears is said to be seen at
San Francisco.  It must be a delightful city, and possess all the
attractions of the next world.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
It is an unhappy lot which finds no enemies.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 499
%%
It is a point of wisdom to be silent when occasion requires, and better
than to speak, though never so well.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
%%
It is a poor sport that is not worth the candle.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night.
 -- Willie Sutton
%%
It is a real waste of time taking kids to a zoo that is without a vacancy.
%%
It is a sad commentary on today's society that this fortune has to be
 classified as "offensive" simply because it contains the word "fuck".
%%
It is a sad fact that 50% of marriages in this country end in
 divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the
 lucky ones!
 -- Richard Jeni
%%
It is a secret known to but a few, yet no small use in the conduct
of life, that if you fall into a man's conversation, the first thing
you should consider is, whether he has a greater inclination to hear
you, or that you should hear him.
 -- Steele
%%
It is as if I were attempting to trace with the point of a pencil the
 shadow of the tracing pencil
 -- Nathaniel West
%%
It is a sin peculiar to people to hate their victims.
%%
It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had
been dead for two years.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
It is a socialist idea that making profits is a vice.
I consider the real vice is making losses.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
It is a sorry time in life when nobody asks you to "act your age," any
 longer, for fear you will!
%%
It is a special trick of low cunning to squeeze out knowledge from
a modest man, who is eminent in any science, and then to use it as
legally acquired, and pass the source in total silence.
 -- Horace Walpole
%%
It is asserted that the dogs keep running when they drink at the Nile,
for fear of becoming a prey to the voracity of the crocodile.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book viii, Sect. 148
%%
It is astonishing with how little wisdom mankind can be governed,
when that little wisdom is its own.
 -- W. R. Inge
%%
It is as useless to argue with those that have renounced the use
and authority of reason as to administer medication to the dead.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
It is a thing of no great difficulty to raise objections against another
man's oration,--nay, it is a very easy matter; but to produce a better
in its place is a work extremely troublesome.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Hearing, 6
%%
It is a time for a new generation ofleadership, to cope with new problems and
new opportunities.For there is a new world to be won.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
It is at least some sort of indication that you should go on a diet when it
 is necessary for you to let the shower curtain out several notches!
%%
It is at night that faith in light is admirable.
 -- Edmond Rostand
%%
It is a toss-up for be between movies that have a happy ending and movies
 that I am happy to see end.
%%
It is a true proverb, that if you live with a lame man you will learn to halt.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
It is a true saying that a man must eat a peck of salt with his friend
before he knows him.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. i
%%
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possesion
of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
 -- Jane Austen (1775-1817)
%%
It is a very good world to live in,
To lend, or to spend, or to give in;
But to beg or to borrow, or to get a man's own,
It is the very worst world that ever was known.
%%
It is a very hard undertaking to seek to please everybody.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 675
%%
It is a very humbling experience to make a multimillion-dollar mistake, but it
is also very memorable.  I vividly recall the night we decided how to organize
the actual writing of external specifications for OS/360.  The manager of
architecture, the manager of control program implementation, and I were
threshing out the plan, schedule, and division of responsibilities.
The architecture manager had 10 good men.  He asserted that they could write
the specifications and do it right.  It would take ten months, three more
than the schedule allowed.
The control program manager had 150 men.  He asserted that they could prepare
the specifications, with the architecture team coordinating; it would be
well-done and practical, and he could do it on schedule.  Furthermore, if
the architecture team did it, his 150 men would sit twiddling their thumbs
for ten months.
To this the architecture manager responded that if I gave the control program
team the responsibility, the result would not in fact be on time, but would
also be three months late, and of much lower quality.  I did, and it was.  He
was right on both counts.  Moreover, the lack of conceptual integrity made
the system far more costly to build and change, and I would estimate that it
added a year to debugging time.
 -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" 
%%
It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless
  information.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as
it is to be angry with a car that won't go.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
%%
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to
keep unmarried as long as he can.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
It is a wonderful thing to look a hotel detective in the
eye.
 -- ibid.
%%
It is a world to see.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 116
%%
It is bad form to use floor wax on your teeth so you can be a smooth
 talker.
%%
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
 -- Andrew W. Mathis
%%
It is bad manners to use a wand in a shop.
%%
It is because of your disillusionments that you fly.... Here then is
the dragonfly with its four wings, full of confidence and joy, and
I am at the double junction of the wings.
 -- Esther Rochon/ Henry Polard
%%
It is because the people are civilized, that they are with safety armed.
 -- Joel Barlow
%%
IT IS BELIEVED THAT
I think
 -- Research definitions
%%
It is best to hope only for things possible and probable; he that hopes
too much shall deceive himself at last; especially if his industry does
not go along with his hopes; for hope without action is a barren undoer.
 -- Feltham
%%
It is better for a city to be governed by a good man than by good laws.
 -- Aristotle
%%
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
 coming up it.
 -- Henry Allen
%%
It is better for one's reputation to fail conventionally than to succeed
 unconventionally.
 -- John Maynard Kyenes
%%
It is better never to have been born.  But who among us has such luck?
One in a million, perhaps.
%%
It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not
mean.
%%
It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Peleus, Frag. 445
%%
It is better that ten guilty persons escape
than one innocent suffer.
 -- Sir William Blackstone (1723-80.)
%%
It is better to be a coward for a minute
than dead the rest of your life.
 -- Italian Proverb
%%
It is better to be a has-been than one who never was.
%%
It is better to be always on your guard than to suffer once.
%%
It is better to be
An old man's derling than a yong man's werling.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
It is better to be at the head of the jackals than the tail of the lions.
%%
It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good
 than to be ugly.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
It is better to be brief than boring.
%%
It is better to be deceived by a friend, than to suspect him.
%%
It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies.
 -- Arthur Calwell
%%
It is better to be defeated standing for a high principle than to run by
committing subterfuge.
 -- President Grover Cleveland
%%
It is better to be feared than loved, more prudent to be cruel than
compassionate.
 -- Niccolo Machievelli
%%
It is better to be good than original.
%%
It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you
are not.
 -- Andre Gide
%%
It is better to be looked over than over looked.
%%
It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.
%%
It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than
to have an opportunity and not be prepared.
 -- Whitney Young, Jr.
%%
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
It is better to be silent and be real, than to talk and be unreal.
 -- Ignatius Martyr
%%
It is better to be the reorganizer than the reorganizee.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXVIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than
to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.
 -- Mohandas K. Gandhi
%%
It is better to copulate than never.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
It is better to debate a question without settling it
than to settle a question without debating it.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
It is better to decide between our enemies than our friends; for
one of our friends will most likely become our enemy; but on the
other hand, one of your enemies will probably become your friend.
 -- Bias
%%
It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not
to deserve them.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
%%
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than with a brawling
woman in a wide house.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxi, 9
%%
It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.
 -- Herman Melville
%%
It is better to feed one cat than many mice.
%%
It is better to go into a corner slow and come out fast,
 than to go into a corner fast and come out dead.
 -- Stirling Moss
%%
It is better to go skiing and think of God, than go to church and think
of sport.
 -- Fridtjof Nansen (1861-1930),
 -- Norwegian polar explorer, international humanitarian
%%
It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house
of feasting.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes vii, 2
%%
It is better to have a little than nothing.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 484
%%
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
It is better to have flunked your Wasserman test than never to have
loved at all.
%%
It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
 -- James Thurber
%%
It is better to have lobbed and lost than never to have lobbed at all.
 -- Volley Theory
%%
It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have
loved at all, but only if no betting is involved.
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than to have had your hand
 stuck in a blender.
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than to have just lost.
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and married.
 -- Brother Sammy Shore
%%
It is better to have loved and lost than to have paid for it and not liked it.
 -- Hiram Kasten
%%
It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
%%
It is better to have loved a short woman than never to have loved a tall.
%%
It is better to have nothing to do than to be doing nothing.
 -- Attilus
%%
It is better to have tried and failed than to have failed to try, but
the result's the same.
 -- Mike Dennison
%%
It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
%%
It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
It is better to know useless things than to know nothing.
%%
It is better to laugh about your problems than to cry about them.
 -- OLD JEWISH PROVERB
%%
It is better to lead the revolution than to be caught by it.
%%
It is better to learn late than never.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 864
%%
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
It is better to limp all the way to heaven, than not to get there at all.
 -- William Sunday
%%
It is better to live happily in risk, than depressed in safety.
%%
It is better to lose an instant of your life, than your life in an instant.
 -- Italian Bumper Sticker
%%
It is better to lose health like a spendthrift than to waste it like a
 miser, better to live and be done with it, than to die daily in the sick
 room.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
It is better to marry than to burn.
 -- Bible, "I Corinthians" ch. 7, v. 9
%%
It is better to never have tried anything than to have tried something and
failed.
 -- motto of jerks, weenies and losers everywhere
%%
It is better to place a fence at the edge of a cliff than to have
an ambulance waiting at the bottom.
%%
It is better to prevent crimes thatn to punish them.
%%
It is better to shred the bugger than to bugger the shredder.
 -- Ancient Doltic proverb
%%
It is better to solve a problem with a crude approximation
and know the truth, plus or minus 10 percent, than to demand
an exact solution and not know the truth at all.
 -- Thumb's First Postulate
%%
It is better to sound a person with whom one deals afar off, than
to fall upon the point at first.
 -- Fred Bacon
%%
It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes
cheated than not to trust.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
It is better to trip and end up on the floor, than to
not trip and end up on the floor for no particular reason
%%
It is better to vote for someone you like and have them not elected
than to vote for someone you dislike and have them elected.
%%
It is better to wear out than to forget.
%%
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
 -- Richard Cumberland (1631-1718)
 -- in G. Horne The Duty of Contending for the Faith (1786) p. 21, n.
%%
It is beyond your power to do that.
%%
It is broke.  It will not work.  It does not go.
%%
It is but poor eloquence, which only shows that the orator can talk.
 -- Sir Joshua Reynolds
%%
It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.
 -- Anatole France
%%
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java(tm) that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
%%
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.  It is by the Coca-Cola
that the thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become
a warning.  It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
%%
It is by discourse that men associate; and words are imposed according to
the apprehension of the vulgar. And therefore the ill and unfit choice of
words wonderfully obsesses the understanding. Nor do the definitions or
explanations, wherewith in some things learned men are wont to guard and
defend themselves, by any means set the matter right. But words plainly
force and overrule the understanding, and throw all into confusion, and
lead men away into innumerable and inane controversies and fancies.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
It is by not always thinking of yourself, if you can manage it, that you
might somehow be happy. Until you make room in your life for someone as
important to you as yourself, you will always be searching and lost ...
 -- Richard Bach, Spoken by Leslie Parrish, The Bridge Across Forever
%%
It is by presence of mind in untried emergencies that the native metal
of a man is tested.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- My Study Windows, Abraham Lincoln, 1864
%%
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three
unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience,
and the prudence never to practice either of them.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree.  For if,
 by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never
 agree.
 -- Charles Baudelaire
%%
It is by will alone that I set my mind in motion.
 -- Mentat Prayer
%%
    . . . it is certain that the real function of art is to
increase our self-consciousness; to make us more aware of what
we are, and therefore of what the universe in which we live
really is.  And since mathematics, in its own way, also
performs this function, it is not only aesthetically charming
but profoundly significant.  It is an art, and a great art.
 -- John W.N. Sullivan
%%
It is circumstance and proper measure that give an action its character,
and make it either good or bad.
 -- Life of Agesilaus II
%%
It is clear that the individual who persecutes a man, his brother, because
he is not of the same opinion, is a monster.
 -- Voltaire
%%
It is coming up to March again, and Oral Roberts is looking for someone to
 hold him hostage. God didn't want the job. God punished him for what he did
 the last time by leaving Oral in Oklahoma. Oklahoma is a wonderful place to
 be if there is nowhere else to go.
%%
It is common for those that are farthest from God, to boast themselves
most of their being near to the Church.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Jeremiah vii
%%
It is commonly not your practice to make up your mind until the very
last minute.
%%
It is common sense to take a method and try it.  If it fails, admit it frankly
and try another.  But above all, try something.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
It is considered bad form to microwave an unopened can of spinish on any
 Friday, the l3th, no matter the month. It is, however, one of the quickest
 ways in which to redecorate your kitchen inexpensively.
%%
It is considered bad form, when in the presence of Imelda Marcos, to say
 "If the shoe fits, wear it!"
%%
It is courage the world needs, not infallibility ... courage is always
the surest wisdom.
 -- Sir Wilfred Grenfell
%%
It is customary for a decimal to be misplaced.
%%
"It is customary in these situations for the
developer of the plan to explain it."
"It is also customary for the DETECTIVE to explain how HE figured it out!"
 -- Steve Martin and Carl Reiner battle it out, in DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR PLAID
%%
It is customary on these occasions for the groom to marry the
  bridesmaid...I assume you wish to honour this...?
...I do.
 -- Melchett and Baldrick : Bells
%%
It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established
authorities are wrong.
 -- Voltaire
%%
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
 -- Voltaire
%%
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
It is difficult for me to agree that muggers should be flogged, or that
 floggers should be mugged.
%%
It is difficult for me to comprehend the fact that some people actually
do not consider all uses of explosives to be recreational.
 -- Ragnar Benson
%%
It is difficult for sorrow to intrude on a busy life.
%%
It is difficult to feel sorry for yourself after you watch a soap opera.
%%
It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less
difficult to know that it has begun.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
%%
It is difficult to live in the present, ridiculous to live in the
future, and impossible to live in the past.  Nothing is as far away
as one minute ago.
 -- Jim Bishop
%%
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is
both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is
interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
 -- Rod Serling
%%
It is difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.
%%
It is difficult to win an argument when your opponent is unencumbered
with a knowledge of the facts.
%%
It is disgusting to note the increase in the quantity of coffee used by
my subjects and the amount of money that goes out of the country in
consequence.  Everybody is using coffee.  If possible, this must be
prevented.  My people must drink beer.
 -- Frederick the Great
%%
 ... it is done by a man who cannot afford to fail, one whose unique
position depends upon the fact that all he does must succeed.  A
great brain and a huge organization have been turned to the extinction
of one man.  It is crushing the nut with the triphammer -- an absurd
extravagance of energy -- but the nut is very effectually crushed
all the same.
 -- Sherlock Holmes
%%
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for
a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xix, 24
%%
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly
greased.
 -- Kehlog Albran, The Profit
%%
It is easier to admire hard work if you don't do it.
%%
It is easier to appear worthy of a position one does not
hold, than of the office which one fills.
 -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is easier to be a humanitarian than to render your own country its
proper due; it is easier to be a patriot than to make your community
a better place to live in; it is easier to be a civic leader than to
treat your own family with loving understanding; for the smaller the
focus of attention, the harder the task.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it
is more difficult to be wiity every day than to say pretty things from
time to time.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
It is easier to buy small plaster models of what you think life is than it is
to live it.
%%
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than
 vice versa.
%%
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
 -- Alfred Adler
%%
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
 -- William Blake
%%
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
 -- Stewart's Law of Retroaction
%%
It is easier to harness human nature than to fight or repress it.
%%
It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one's neighbor.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
It is easier to port a shell than a shell script.
 -- Larry Wall
%%
It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
%%
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
%%
It is easier to spout wisdom and appear wise, after the event.
%%
It is easier to stay out than get out.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
%%
It is easy for men to talk one thing and think another.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 322
%%
It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in
solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the
crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
 -- Emerson
%%
    It is easy-- terribly easy-- to shake a man's faith in
himself.  To take advantage of that to break a man's spirit is
devil's work.  Take care of what you are doing.  Take care.
 -- G.B. Shaw
 -- Candida
%%
It is easy to be tolerant when you do not care.
%%
It is easy to propose impossible remedies.
%%
It is easy to take liberty for granted when you have never had it
taken from you.
 -- M. Grundler
%%
It is easy to understand God as long as you don't try to explain him.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
   It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which
all primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the
powerful approach of spring, penetrating with joy all of nature, that
those Dionysian stirrings arise, which in their intensification lead
the individual to forget himself completely. . . .Not only does the
bond between man and man come to be forged once again by the magic of
the Dionysian rite, but alienated, hostile, or subjugated nature again
celebrates her reconciliation with her prodigal son, man.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), The Birth of Tragedy
%%
It is enough to fright you out of your seven senses.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xv
%%
It is error alone which needs the support of government.  Truth can
stand by itself.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), Notes on Virginia
%%
It is essential that a leader be able to make decisions.
It is helpful, but not essential, that those decisions be correct.
%%
It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
%%
It is far easier to be wise for others than to be so for oneself.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is far easier to know men than to know man.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is far from easy to determine whether she [Nature] has proved to
him a kind parent or a merciless stepmother.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 1
%%
It is far more easy to acquire a fortune like a knave than to expend
it like a gentleman.
 -- Colton
%%
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without
 your help.
 -- Miss Manners (Judith Martin)
%%
It is far safer to be feared than loved.
 -- Machiavelli
%%
It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid
 enough to want the job.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
It is faster to make a four-inch mirror then a six-inch mirror than to make
a six-inch mirror.
 -- Thompson's Rule for first-time telescope makers
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
It is fatal to be right when the rest of the world is wrong.
 -- Brother Theodore
%%
It is fatal to look hungry. It makes people want to kick you.
 -- George Orwell
%%
It is fatuous to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative
maneuvers.
[ you can't teach an old dog new tricks. ]
%%
It is fear that first brought gods into the world.
%%
It is flattering some men to endure them.
%%
It is folly to bolt a door with a boiled carrot.
%%
It is forbidden to decry other sects; the true believer gives honor
to whatever in them is worthy of honor.
 -- Asoka (d. 238 B.C.) Buddhist Emperor of India
 -- Decree (inscription on a pillar)
%%
It is for homely features to keep home,--
They had their name thence; coarse complexions
And cheeks of sorry grain will serve to ply
The sampler and to tease the huswife's wool.
What need a vermeil-tinctur'd lip for that,
Love-darting eyes, or tresses like the morn?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 748
%%
It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
%%
It is frequently easier to be honest when you have nothing
to lose.
%%
It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human
history is shaped.  Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts
to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he
sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a
million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build
a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and
resistance.
 -- Robert F. Kennedy, South Africa, 1966
%%
It is fruitless to become lachrymose over lacteal fluid that is inadvertenly
flowing and hence forfeited.
[ don't cry over spilt milk. ]
%%
It is fun being in the same decade with you.
 -- FDR to Winston Churchill, 1942
%%
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you
entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
 -- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
%%
It is generally agreed that those people who agree with you are ranked in
 your mind as intelligent.
%%
IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT
a couple of others guys think so too
 -- Research definitions
%%
It is good for a man to eat thistles and to remember that he is an ass.
 -- E. S. Dallas
%%
It is good for us to be here.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xvii, 4
%%
It is good news, worthy of all acceptation; and yet not too good to be true.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Timothy i
%%
It is good that the young are beautiful; it is the only advantage they have.
 -- The Duchess of Windsor
%%
It is good to be zealously affected always in a good thing.
 -- New Testament
 -- Galatians iv, 18
%%
It is good to get drunk once in a while.
What else is there to do?
 -- Li Yeh (fl. 8th cent.)
 -- "A Greeting to Lu Hung-Chien" in Kenneth Rexroth and Ling Chung
 -- (ed. and tr.) The Orchid Boat, Women Poets of China (1972)
%%
It is good to live and learn.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxii
%%
It is good to see so many young faces in the crowd.
 -- Reinhold Messner
%%
It is good to see you again.
You are still too fat, K'mpec.
 -- K'mpec and Kahlest, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
    It is great good health to believe, as the Hindus do, that
there are 33 million gods and goddesses in the world.  It is
great good health to want to understand one's dreams.  It is
great good health to desire the ambiguous and paradoxical.  It
is sickness of the profoundest kind to believe that there is
one reality.  There is sickness in any piece of work or any
piece of art seriously attempting to suggest that the idea
that there is more than one reality is somehow redundant.
 -- Clive Barker
%%
It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering
my reasons for them.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
It is hard for me to find the right thing to say when I find myself in a
room full of cockroaches.
%%
...it is hard for me to see how one can argue that circumstances
have so changed as to make mass disarmament constitutionally unproblematic.
 -- Professor Sanford Levinson,
 -- The Embarrassing Second Amendment,
 -- The Yale Law Journal, Vol 99, No 3, December 1989, p637.
%%
It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts ix, 5
%%
It is hardly possible to suspect another without having in one's
self the seeds of the baseness the other party is accused of.
 -- Stanislaus
%%
It is hard to be brave, when you're only a Very Small Animal.
 -- Piglet, Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that
 you would lie if you were in his place.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
It is hard to believe that even his friends like him.
%%
It is hard to change when something has been good for you
for so long.
 -- Thomas Booker, IBM Sales Manager,
       addressing the new IBM (A.D. 1994)
%%
It is hard to claim that you know something about pollution unless you were
 the third kid to use the bathwater at home. This is the ultimate
 qualification.
%%
It is hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
%%
It is hard to keep coming up with original taglines.  I just hate it.
%%
It is hard to know what to do with a pre-shrunk garment that shrinks.
%%
It is hard to let old beliefs go.  They are familiar. We are comfortable
with them and have spent years building systems and developing
habits that depend on them.  Like a man who has worn eyeglasses so
long that he forgets he has them on, we forget that the world looks to
us the way it does because we have become used to seeing it that way
through a particular set of lenses.  Today, however, we need new
lenses.  And we need to throw the old ones away.
 -- Kenich Ohmae
%%
It is hard to overstate the debt that we owe to men and women of genius.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
It is hard work and great art to make life not so serious. Prostitutes know
this too.
 -- John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire
%%
It is his life's work to state the obvious in terms of the scandalous.
 -- said of George Bernard Shaw
%%
IT IS HOPED THAT THIS WORK WILL STIMULATED FURTHER RESEARCH IN THE FIELD
this paper is not very good but neither are any of the others in this
miserable subject
 -- Research definitions
%%
It is hot! Turn off mathematic coprocessor!
%%
It is human nature to think wisely & act foolishly.
 -- Anatole France
%%
It is I! Count Taxula, and my faithful servant Algore!
%%
It is I, Dudley Do-right, of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police!
%%
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood
Boulevard at one time.
%%
It is illegal to say Oh, Boy in Jonesboro, Georgia.
%%
It is illegal to skateboard on walls "or other vertical surfaces" in
Palo Alto.
%%
It is immoral to parent irresponsibly. . . And it doesn't help matters
any when prime time TV, like 'Murphy Brown', a character who is
supposed to represent a successful career woman of today, mocks the
importance of the father by bearing her child alone, claiming that this
is simply another lifestyle choice.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
~
(Rebuttal:) If Mr. Quayle feels that single parenthood is immoral
and that a woman cannot adequately raise a child by herself,
then he should see to it that abortion remains safe and legal in
this country.
 -- Diane English, producer of 'Murphy Brown'
%%
It is important to note that probably no large operating system using current
design technology can withstand a determined and well-coordinated attack,
and that most such documented penetrations have been remarkably easy.
 -- B. Hebbard, "A Penetration Analysis of the Michigan Terminal System",
 -- Operating Systems Review, Vol. 14, No. 1, June 1980, pp. 7-20
%%
It is impossible for a man to love his wife whole-heartedly without loving
all women somewhat. I suppose that the converse must be true of women.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
 -- Coit-Murphy's Statement on the Power of Negative Thinking
%%
It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal
as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil
to pon you and yours from bad to worse.
%%
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
 -- William G. McAdoo
%%
It is impossible to defend perfectly
 against the attack of those who want to die.
%%
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of
 work to do.
 -- Jerome K. Jerome
%%
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry
  a tune.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards
 or golf.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
It is impossible to know both what a woman is doing or where she is going
at any given instant.
 -- Quantum Mechanics for Women
%%
It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so
ingenious.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  8
%%
It is impossible to please all the world and one's father.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Cock and the Fox, Book iii, Fable 1
%%
It is impossible to solve a problem with the
consciousness that created it
%%
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly
  not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor
 of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me
 forever ineligible for public office.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
It is in changing that things find repose
 -- Heraclitus
%%
It is inconceivable that a judicious observer from another solar system
would see in our species -- which has tended to be cruel, destructive,
wasteful, and irrational -- the crown and apex of cosmic evolution.
Viewing us as the culmination of *anything* is grotesque; viewing us
as a transitional species makes more sense -- and gives us more hope.
 -- Betty McCollister, "Our Transitional Species",
 -- Free Inquiry magazine, Vol. 8, No. 1
%%
It is inconceivable that three competing networks, working independently in
complete secrecy, could produce by accident twenty-six new series so similar
in quality.
 -- Marvin Kitman
%%
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
%%
It is indeed a desirable thing to be well descended, but the glory
belongs to our ancestors.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
It is indeed a great idea to work your way through college with a job, and
 it is even better if the job is still there when you graduate.
%%
It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life.
The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated...
it is finished when it surrenders.
%%
It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods
of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity
of inquiry.
 -- Albert Einstein, "Autobiographical Notes"
%%
It is in his own interest that a cat purrs.
%%
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.
 -- Irish proverb
%%
It is long and hard and painful to create life; it is short and easy
to steal the life others have made.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
   It is Maya!
   Dost thou not know her?
   Illusion -- dreams -- phantoms.
   But, to the wise, Maya is more.
------------------
   But, to the wise, Maya is more.
   Look around:
   All that thou see'st,
   Trees and shrubs, The grass at thy feet,
   All that walks or creeps,
   All that flies from tree to tree,
   All is unreal: All is Maya.
   Our bodies, our limbs, our very thoughts.
   We ourselves are slaves to Maya.
   What remaineth?  Who can say?
   Love to the lover,
   The child to the mother,
   The song to the singer,
   God to the worshipper;
   These, wandering thro' the world of Maya,
   Are perchance shadows of that which is.
 -- Holst, Savitri (based upon the sanskrit Mahabharata)
%%
It is Maya! Dost thou not know her?
Illusion -- dreams -- phantoms.
But, to the wise, Maya is more.
 -- Holst, Savitri
%%
It is meaningless to speak of domesticating a cat.
%%
It is meaningless to speak of domesticating a child.
%%
It is meat and drink to me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
It is meat, drink,
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. vii
%%
It is morally wrong to allow a naive person to keep their money.
 -- SALESMAN'S MOTTO
%%
It is more blessed to give than to receive.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xx, 35
%%
It is more dignified for me to tell you that we are moving in cycles than
 to come right out and tell you the honest truth - we are running around in
 circles!
%%
It is more easy to get a favour from fortune than to keep it.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 282
%%
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult
words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to
labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.
 -- Dag Hammarsskjold
%%
It is more rational to sacrifice one life than six.
 -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven," stardate 2822.3.
%%
It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be
deceived by them.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
"It is more than a crime; it is a political fault,"
 -- Joseph Fouche (1763-1820)
 -- Memoirs of Fouche
%%
It is most dangerous nowadays for a husband to pay any attention to his
 wife in public. It always makes people think that he beats her when they
 are alone.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
It is most difficult to acquire wisdom without first having survived a
 whole mine field filled with folly.
%%
It is most difficult to meet anyone who does not like a yes man or woman.
%%
It is most distressing to us to be the agents whereby
our erring fellow creatures are deprived of that liberty
which is so dear to us all--but we should have thought of
that before we joined the force
%%
It is most true, stylus virum arguit,--our style bewrays us.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong.  Our
offense consists in doubting it.
 -- Justice Robert H. Jackson
%%
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, Jan. 24, 1860
%%
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about
 the problem.
%%
It is much harder to accomplish something when you set out to do it without
 any idea of what it is you want to do.
%%
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
 -- Jules Becker
%%
It is much more secure to be feared than to be loved.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
It is much safer to obey than to rule.
 -- Thomas A. Kempis
%%
It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
It is my firm belief that it is a mistake to hold firm beliefs.
%%
It is my living sentiment, and by the blessing of God it shall be
my dying sentiment,--Independence now and Independence forever.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Eulogy on Adams and Jefferson, Aug. 2, 1826, p. 136
%%
It is my misfortune - and probably my delight - to use things as my
passions tell me. What a miserable fate for a painter who adores blondes to
have to stop himself putting them into a picture because they don't go with
the basket of fruit! ... I put all the things I like into my pictures. The
things - so much the worse for them. They just have to put up with it.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
"It is my opinion that the use of this barbarous weapon at Hiroshima
and Nagasaki was of no material assistance in our war against Japan.
 The Japanese were already defeated and ready to surrender because
of the effective sea blockade and the successful bombing with conventional
weapons.  ...The lethal possibilities of atomic warfare in the future
are frightening.  My own feeling was that in being the first to use
it, we had adopted an ethical standard common to the barbarians of
the Dark Ages.  I was not taught to make war in that fashion, and
wars cannot be won by destroying women and children.  We were the
first to have this weapon in our possession, and the first to use
it.  There is a practical certainty that potential enemies will have
it in the future and that atomic bombs will some
time be used against us."
 -- Admiral William D. Leahy,
 -- Chief of Staff to Presidents Roosevelt and Truman, I Was There, 1950
%%
It is naught, it is naught, saith the buyer; but when he is gone his
way, then he boasteth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xx, 14
%%
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore,
 I have to beat somebody.
 -- Richard M Nixon
%%
It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be
privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to
corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
        It is necessary to get behind someone before you can
         stab them in the back.
 -- Sir Humphrey
%%
It is necessary to have purpose.
 -- Alice #1, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
It is necessary to restate the President's viewpoint very clearly, and
that is that we are a party that is diversified.  We are a party that,
though we have a position on abortion, that those who disagree with us
should not feel excluded because of that issue.  We do, in former
Chairman Lee Atwater's words, offer the party as a big tent, and
therefore that message has to be clear.  How we do that within the
platform, the preamble to the platform or whatnot, remains to be seen,
but the message will have to be articulated with great clarity.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and occupation,
which give happiness.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
It is never clear just how many hands or minds are needed to carry
out a particular process. Nevertheless, anyone having supervisory
responsibility for the completion of the task will invariably protest
that his staff is too small for the assignment.
 -- Andrew Hacker
%%
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
 -- Farmer's Almanac, 1995
%%
It is never too late to fall in love.
 -- Sandy Wilson
%%
It is never too late to give up your prejudices.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
It is nice to be content in a little house by the side of the road,
but a split-level in suburbia is a lot more comfortable.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
It is no act of common passage, but
A strain of rareness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
It is no disgrace not to be able to do everything; but to undertake,
or pretend to do, what you are not made for, is not only shameful,
but extremely troublesome.
 -- Plutarch
%%
It is no good trying to teach people who need to be taught
 -- Aleister Crowley
%%
It is no great wonder if in long process of time, while fortune takes
her course hither and thither, numerous coincidences should spontaneously
occur. If the number and variety of subjects to be wrought upon be
infinite, it is all the more easy for fortune, with such an abundance
of material, to effect this similarity of results.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Sertorius
%%
It is no longer correct to regard higher education solely as a privilege.
It is a basic right in today's world.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
It is no longer my moral duty as a human being to achieve an integrated and
unitary set of explanations for my thoughts and feelings.
 -- Bronwyn Davies
%%
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
 -- Krishnamurti
%%
It is no pleasure to build a web and catch only flies when one knows
there is a wasp about.
%%
It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
%%
It is not a good omen when the lady of your dreams shows up at the court
 house for the wedding wearing designer jeans, and the designer is a man
 whose name is Frigidaire.
%%
It is not a good omen when the person of your dreams whom you have just met
 says "Don't go away, I like being alone."
%%
It is not always advantageous to attack your opponent.
 -- German proverb
%%
It is not always a good idea to whistle for your dog.
%%
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is
because we do not dare that things are difficult.
 -- Seneca
%%
It is not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion
that make horseraces.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), from Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar(1894)
%%
It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
It is not by the importation of gold and silver, that the discovery
of America has enriched Europe.  ...The commodities of Europe were
almost all new to America, and many of those of America were new to
Europe.  A new set of exchanges, therefore, began to take place which
had never been thought of before, and which should naturally have
proved as advantageous to the new, as it certainly did to the old
continent.  The savage injustice of the Europeans rendered an event,
which ought to have been beneficial to all, ruinous and destructive
to several of those unfortunate countries.
 -- Adam Smith, The Wealth of Nations, 1776
%%
It is not considered good judgement for you to attempt tying your shoelaces
 when coming down the ladder on the fire escape.
%%
It is not considered safe to ask a waitress you do not know well if she has
 frog's legs. Even if you know her well, this question can be the cause of
 serious injury.
%%
It is not doing the thing we like to do,
but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.
 -- Goethe
%%
It is not down on any map; true places never are.
%%
It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result
 is twins.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
It is not enough to aim; you must hit.
 -- Italian Proverb
%%
It is not enough to do the right thing; one must also do it the right way.
%%
It is not enough to have crashed the system.  You must also have Talent!
%%
It is not enough to have knowledge, one must also apply it.  It is not
enough to have wishes, one must also accomplish.
 -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
%%
It is not enough to prove something, one also has to seduce or elevate
people to it.  That is why the man of knowledge should learn how to
speak his wisdom: and often in such a way that it sounds like folly!
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 581
%%
It is not fit the public trusts should be lodged in the hands of any,
till they are first proved and found fit for the business they are
to be entrusted with.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Timothy iii
%%
It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the
baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own
self-interest.  We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to
their self-love, and never talk to them of our own neccessities but
of their advantages.
 -- Adam Smith
%%
It is not going to be a good day when you ask the mechanic for an estimate
 and he says he has to go inside for a larger calculator.
%%
It is not going to be the best of years when you discover that your son,
 the football star, has had his ears pierced and is stealing earrings from
 his grandmother.
%%
It is not good for man to achieve all they wish.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
It is not good that the man should be alone.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis iii, 18
%%
It is not good to try to lead people by hitting them over the head, but for
 some few, having a bat handy is helpful, just in case.
%%
It is not honest to be tactful.
 -- Robert Taft
%%
It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes happiness.
%%
It is not impossible to govern the Italians, it is merely useless.
%%
It is not in life but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.
George Woodcock
%%
It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
 -- Shakespeare
%%
It is not I who am CRAZY...It is I who am MAD!
 -- Ren Hoek
%%
It is not logical, but it is often true...
%%
It is not love of self, but hatred of self which is at the root of
the troubles that afflict the world.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
It is not necessary to be a moron to have decision power, but it
greatly helps.
%%
It is not necessary to fall into a well to know its depth.
%%
It is not necessary to light a candle to the sun.
 -- Algernon Sidney (1622-1683)
 -- Discourses on Government, Chap. ii, Sect. xxiii
%%
It is not nor it cannot come to good.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
It is not only [the juror's] right, but his duty, in that case, to
find the verdict according to his own best understanding, judgement,
and conscience, though in direct opposition to the direction of the court.
 -- John Adams, 1771
%%
It is not possible to both understand and appreciate Intel CPUs.
 -- D. Wolfskill
%%
It is not possible to convey sarcasm to certain members of the
 net without using a 2x4.  The smiley face merely reminds them
 of why their head is being dented.
 -- John Woods
%%
It is not possible to found lasting power or treachery, purjery and
 dishonesty.
%%
It is not poverty so much as pretence that harasses a ruined man- the struggle
between a proud mind and an empty purse- the keeping up a hollow show that must
soon come to an end. Have the courage to appear poor, and you disarm poverty of
its sharpest sting.
 -- Mrs. Jameson
%%
It is not power itself, but the legitimization of the lust for power which
corrupts absolutely.
%%
... it is not really difficult to construct a series of inferences,
each dependent upon its predecessor and each simple in itself.    If,
after doing so, one simply knocks out all the central inferences and
presents one's audience with the starting-point and the conclusion, one
may produce a startling, though possibly a meretricious, effect.  Now
it was not really difficult, by an inspection of the groove between
your left forefinger and thumb, to feel sure that you did not propose
to invest your small capital in the gold fields ...
 -- Sherlock Holmes in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "The Dancing Men"
%%
It is not reasonings that are wanted now; for there are books stuffed
full of stoical reasonings.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Of Courage,
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxix
%%
It is not resultful to transform one part of speech into another
by prefixing, suffixing, or other alterings.
%%
It is not strength, but art, obtains the prize,
And to be swift is less than to be wise.
'T is more by art than force of num'rous strokes.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxiii, Line 383
%%
It is not the criminal things which are hardest to confess, but the
ridiculous and shameful.
 -- Jean Jacques Rousseau
%%
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the
strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them
better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly;
who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort
without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do
the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who
spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end
the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails,
at least he fails while daring greatly.  So that his place shall never
be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt, "Man in the Arena" Speech given April 23, 1910
%%
It is not the disease but neglect of the remedy which generally destroys life.
%%
It is not the employer that pays the wages -- he only handles the money.
It is the product that pays wages.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
  It is not the fact of liberty but the way in which liberty is
  exercised that ultimately determines whether liberty itself
  survives...  When liberty is taken away by force it can be
  restored by force.  When it is relinquished voluntarily by
  default it can never be recovered.
 -- Dorothy Thompson, American journalist, author (1894-1961)

%%
It is not the horse that draws the cart, but the oats.
 -- Russian proverb
%%
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
 -- Sir Edmund Hillary
%%
It is not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man the oath.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Frag. 385
%%
It is not the person who fouled up and was found guilty that will be
 remembered. It is the person who warned about the difficulty that will.
%%
It is not the quality of the meat, but the cheerfulness of the guests,
that makes the feast.
 -- Lord Clarendon
%%
... it is not through sin that he opposes God. The Devil's strategy for our
times is to make trivial human existence and to isolate us from one another
while creating the delusion that the reasons are time pressures, work demands,
or economic anxieties.
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
It is not too difficult to raise nice children, the real difficulty is
 keeping them away from other children whose parents don't seem to care.
%%
It is not well to be thought of as one who meekly submits to insolence and
intimidation.
%%
It is not whether you win or lose, but who gets the blame.
 -- Blaine Nye
%%
It is not wise to express friendship at an auction by waving at your
 friends. Costly it is, wise, it isn't..
%%
It is not wise to press the break key, my son.
%%
It is not without good reason said, that he who has not a good memory
should never take upon him the trade of lying.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. ix, Of Liars
%%
It is not work that kills men; it is worry. Work is healthy; you
can hardly put more upon a man than he can bear. Worry is rust upon
the blade. It is not the revolution that destroys the machinery, but
the friction. Fear secretes acids, but love and trust are sweet juices.
 -- Beecher
%%
It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority.  By
 definition, there are already enough people to do that.
 -- G. H. Hardy
%%
It is no use saying, "We are doing our best."  You have got to succeed
in doing what is necessary.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.
 -- St. Francis of Assisi
%%
It is now 10 p.m. Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?
 -- Elizabeth Carpenter
%%
It is now almost as expensive to fill the lawnmower with gas as it once was
 to fill the car.
%%
It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
%%
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
 -- Richard J. Ferris, president of United Airlines
%%
It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the
leading causes of statistics.
 -- Knebel's Law
%%
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by
a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to
physics or chemistry.
 -- H. L. Mencken, Notebooks, 1956
%%
It is now sixteen or seventeen years since I saw the Queen of France,
then the Dauphiness, at Versailles; and surely never lighted on this
orb, which she hardly seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. I
saw her just above the horizon, decorating and cheering the elevated
sphere she just began to move in,--glittering like the morning star
full of life and splendour and joy.... Little did I dream that I should
have lived to see such disasters fallen upon her in a nation of gallant
men,--in a nation of men of honour and of cavaliers. I thought ten
thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards to avenge even
a look that threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is
gone; that of sophisters, economists, and calculators has succeeded.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 331
%%
it is now some years since I detected how many were the false beliefs that I ha
d believed to be true since my earliest youth.  And since that time, I have bee
n convinced that I must once and for all seriously try to rid myself of all the
opiniouns which I had formerly accepted, and begin to build anew, if I wanted t
o establish any firm and permanent structure for my beliefs.
 -- Rene Descartes
, Meditations.
%%
It isn't a bad life to have everyone in the universe at your back and
  call, and you win all the arguments.
 -- Kirk, "The Man Trap," stardate 1513.8.
%%
It isn't a war on drugs--it's a war on people.
%%
It isn't easy being a fat narcissist.
 -- Jackie Gleason
%%
It isn't easy being green.
 -- Kermit
%%
It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow.
%%
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
It isn't premarital sex if you don't get married.
 -- Michael Juster
%%
It isn't really mine 'til I've modified it.
%%
"It isn't spread by casual contact, you know."
"Yeah, *I* know! Why did YOU pull back?"
"People.  I love 'em."
 -- Observations on humanity in CONCRETE
%%
It isn't stolen It's creatively re-systhesized!
%%
It isn't the fall that kills the child, it is the splattering of the
brain against the inside of the skull.
%%
It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of
sand in your shoe.
%%
It isn't what people think that's important,
but the reason they think what they think.
 -- Eugene Ionesco
%%
It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.
 -- Errol Flynn
%%
It isn't what you know but the simple things you don't overlook.
%%
It isn't what you know that counts, it's what you think of in time.
%%
It is obvious to even the veriest fool that telling him or her that
something is obvious is not only condescending, but insulting.
%%
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to
 have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no
 human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
It is of some small consolation for you to know that we have survived every
 President the electorate has thrust upon us.
%%
It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it.
%%
It is often easier to earn money than it is to spend it wisely.
%%
It is of the essence of the demand for equality before the law that
people should be treated alike in spite of the fact that they are
different.
 -- Friedrich Hayek
%%
    It is of tremendous importance, when a wizard enters a battle, that he
should have prepared sufficient spells beforehand to meet anything that he
might face during the coming fight. It is even more important that the wizard
act bravely during the course of the fight, so that he might do credit to the
names of wizards everywhere. And what happens should the magician's army lose
the fray? Of the greatest importance of all, therefore, is the wizard's
insistence that, before the battle, he be paid in full.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. III
%%
It is one of our most important laws that none of us may interfere
  with the affairs of others.
 -- Kirk, "Bread and Circuses," stardate 4040.7.
%%
It is one of the blessings of old friends
that you can afford to be stupid with them.
 -- R. Emerson, Journals
%%
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have
imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
 -- Voltaire
%%
It is one thing to be ugly, another to have a face that would melt a
 sundial!
%%
It is one thing to purloin finely-tempered steel, and another to
take a pound of literary old iron, and convert it in the furnace
of one's own mind into a hundred watchsprings, worth each a thousand
times as much as the iron. When genius borrows, it borrows grandly,
giving to the borrowed matter, a life and beauty it lacked before.
%%
It is one thing, to show a man that he is in an error, and another, to
put him in possession of truth.
 -- John Locke
%%
It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially
admire all schools of art.
%%
It is only a poor sort of happiness that could ever come by caring
very much about our own pleasures.  We can only have the highest happiness
such as goes along with being a great man, by having wide thoughts
and much feeling for the rest of the world as well as ourselves.
 -- George Eliot
%%
It is only by labor that thought can be made healthy, and only by thought that
labor can be made happy; and the two cannot be seperated with impunity.
 -- Ruskin
%%
It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their dignity.
%%
It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis.
 -- Margaret Bonnano
%%
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.
%%
It is only the benevolent man who is capable of liking or disliking
 other men.
 -- Confucius, Analects, IV.3
%%
It is only the dead who do not return.
 -- Bertrand Barere (1755-1841)
 -- Speech, 1794
%%
It is only the first step which costs.
 -- Madame du Deffand (1697-1784)
 -- In reply to the Cardinal de Polignac
%%
It is only the great men who are truly obscene.  If they had not dared
to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
 -- Havelock Ellis
%%
It is only the ignorant who despise education.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 571
%%
It is only the wisest and the very stupidest who cannot change.
 -- Cervantes
%%
It is only through labor and effort,
by energy and resolute courage,
that we move on to better things.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt, former U.S. President
%%
It is only to the individual that a soul is given.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how
powerful they are.
 -- Clive James
%%
    It is ordinary for us to poison rivers also; yea and the
very elements whereof the world doth stand, are by us
infected: for even the air itself, wherein and whereby all
things should live, we corrupt to their mischief and
destruction.
 -- Pliny The Elder
%%
It is our job to make women unhappy with what they have.
 -- B. Earl Puckett, former President, Allied Stores
%%
It is overdoing the thing to die of love.
 -- French proverb
%%
It is past all controversy that what costs dearest is, and ought to
be, most valued.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap xi
%%
It is physically impossible to tax into prosperity.
%%
It is pitch dark. You will likely fall into a hole & die.
%%
It is pleasant to have been to a place the way a river went.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
It is possible for your mind to be so open that your brain falls out.
%%
It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. Nah!
%%
It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be
  entirely uneducated.
 -- Alec Bourne
%%
... it is predictable, but I wouldn't like to predict it myself.
 -- C. Lawson
%%
It is probably true that the UNIX operating system has extensive
 documentation since most things are written down somewhere.
 -- McGilton and Morgan
%%
It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the
masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority.  Truth
does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the
people.
 -- Giordano Bruno (1548- burned at the stake, 1600)
%%
It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have
lightened the day's toil of any human being.
%%
It is rare that, after having given the key of her heart, a woman does not
change the lock the day after.
%%
It is rather to be chosen than great riches, unless I
have omitted something from the quotation.
 -- Robert Benchley (1889-1945)i
 -- see Proverbs xxii, 1
%%
``...it is really a discussion of how many angels can dance on
the head of a pin, and not really interesting unless those involved
in the discussion are drunk or graduate students - two states of
roughly similar incompetence.''
 -- Steven King
%%
It is really insufficient to be simply good, one must also try to be good
 for something. A deaf husband and a blind wife as sure to be a happy
 couple. You can almost count on it...
%%
It is reasonably safe to judge a restaurant by the coffee they serve. If
 the stuff isn't up to snuff, than it is likely that the rest of the menu
 will be inferior as well.
%%
It is ridiculous to suppose that the great head of things, whatever
it be, pays any regard to human affairs.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book ii, Sect. 20
%%
...it is right to chide man for being blind to such coincidences
in his daily life. For he thereby deprives his life of a dimension
of beauty.
 -- Kundera
%%
...It is sad to find him belaboring the science community for its united
opposition to ignorant creationists who want teachers and textbooks to
give equal time to crank arguments that have advanced not a step beyond
the flyblown rhetoric of Bishop Wilberforce and William Jennings Bryan.
 -- Martin Gardner, Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life,
      The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 128-131
%%
It is said that cats are untrainable. That is not totally accurate.
 Appearances to the contrary, cats do pay attention to the instructions they
 receive. They listen closely to what you have to say and sometimes even
 wait for you to finish your sentence. They understand plain English as well
 as anybody. How else would it be possible for them to so uncannily do just
 the opposite?
 -- Stephen Baker
%%
It is said that God is always on the side of the heaviest battalions.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Letter to M. le Riche, Feb. 6, 1770
%%
It is said that the Limbic system of the brain controls the four Fs:
 -- Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing, and Reproduction
%%
It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
 lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
 high as the eagle?
%%
It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once.
 -- David Hume
%%
It is shocking to learn that the very last citadel of silence, the library,
 is stocking rock and roll recordings.
%%
It is simple to make things complex, but complex to make things simple.
 -- Meyer's 3rd Law
%%
    It is simply untrue that all our institutions are evil, .
. . that all politicians are mere opportunists, that all
aspects of university life are corrupt.  Having discovered an
illness, it's not terribly useful to prescribe death as a
cure.
 -- George McGovern
%%
It is so basic. A human being is an innocent part of nature. Our
civilization has distorted this universal quality that allows us to feel at
home in our skin. Other animals have coats that they accept, but the human
race has yet to come to terms with being nude.
 -- Ruth Bernhard
%%
It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a
statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more
glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through
which we look, which morally we can do.  To affect the quality of the
day, that is the highest of arts.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Where I Live"
%%
It is sometimes expedient to forget who we are.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 233
%%
It is sometimes necessary to play the fool to avoid being deceived
by cunning men.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is strangely in keeping with the manner of our courtship that the
  maid of honour should be a man.
Oh! Thank you very much, my lord.
...And I use the word 'man' in its broadest possible sense.
 -- Edmund to Kate and Baldrick : Bells
%%
    It is strange that we know so little about the properties
of numbers.  They are our handiwork, yet they baffle us; we
can fathom only a few of their intricacies.  Having defined
their attributes and prescribed their behaviour, we are hard
pressed to perceive the implications of our formulas.
 -- James R. Newman
%%
It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.
 -- Robert Bly
%%
It is surely harmful to souls to make it a heresy to believe
what is proved.
 -- Galileo Galilei
%%
It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.
%%
It is tempting to take the easy political path ... to get peace at any price
 now, even though I know that a peace of humiliation for the United States
 would lead to a bigger war or surrender later.
 -- Richard M. Nixon, April 30, 1970
%%
It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad
crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed
until the other has gone.

In one of those "true facts" books there was an explanation for this
law. It seems that one of the state senators did not want a law
passed. To to keep this particular law from passing he attached the
train law to it. Hoping that that his fellow senators would discover
the train law attached, see how ridiculous it was, and not pass the
laws. Nobody saw the the train law attached and passed both laws. This
may not be the real reason, but it sounds good. And it might explain
some of the laws we have to live with.
%%
It is the business of the future to be dangerous; and it is among the merits
of science that it equips the future for its duties.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
It is the cigarette that smokes, humans are just suckers on the end.
%%
It is the common vice of all, in old age, to be too intent upon our interests.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Adelphoe, Act v, Sc. 8, 30, (953.)
%%
It is the common wonder of all men, how among so many million of faces
there should be none alike.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part ii, Sect. ii
%%
It is the creationists who blasphemously are claiming that God is cheating
us in a stupid way.
 -- J. W. Nienhuys
%%
It is the cunning of form to veil itself continually in the evidence of
 content.   It is the cunning of the code to veil itself and to produce itself
 in the obviousness of value.
 -- Baudrillard
%%
It is the curse of talent that, although it labors with greater steadiness
and perseverance than genius, it does not reach its goal, while genius,
already on the summit of the ideal, gazes laughingly about.
%%
It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end
as superstitions.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
It is the dead wood that holds up the tree.
 -- Young's Second Law
Just because it is still standing, doesn't mean it is not dead.
 -- Corollary
%%
It is the duty of all persons, when affairs are the most prosperous,
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Phormio, Act ii, Sc. 1, 11, (241.)
%%
It is the essence of grantsmanship to
persuade the Foundation executives that is was they who suggested the research
project and that you were a belated convert, agreeing reluctantly to all that
had proposed.
 -- Parkinson's Principle of Non-Origination
%%
It is the eye of ignorance that assigns a fixed and unchangeable color to
 every object; beware of this stumbling block.
 -- Paul Gauguin
%%
It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in
 order to save us.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
It is the function of creative men to perceive the relations between thoughts,
or things, or forms of expression that may seem utterly different, and to be
able to combine them into some new forms- the power to connect the seemingly
unconnected.
%%
It is the glory and good of Art
That Art remains the one way possible
Of speaking truth,--to mouths like mine, at least.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Ring and the Book, The Book and the Ring, Line 842
%%
It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing
because you can do only a little. Do what you can.
 -- Sydney Smith
%%
It is the great triumph of genius to make the common appear novel.
(or vice-versa)
%%
It is the guilt, not the scaffold, which constitutes the shame.
 -- Cornville
%%
It is the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It is the dream afraid of waking
that never takes a chance.
It is the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live.
 -- Bette Midler, The Rose
%%
It IS the heat!!
%%
It is the height of absurdity to sow little but weeds in the first half
of one's lifetime and expect to harvest a valuable crop in the second half.
 -- Percy Johnston
%%
It is the height of bad form and poor manners, when serving Spam, to
 neglect the serving of mint jelly which should accompany it.
%%
It is the hour when from the boughs
  The nightingale's high note is heard;
It is the hour when lovers' vows
  Seem sweet in every whisper'd word.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Parisina, Stanza 1
%%
It is the little rift within the lute
That by and by will make the music mute,
And ever widening slowly silence all.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Idylls of the King, Merlin and Vivien
%%
It is the lot of man but once to die.
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
 -- Emblems, Book v, Emblem 7
%%
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought
without accepting it.
 -- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
%%
It is the mind that makes the man, and our vigour is in our immortal soul.
 -- Ovid (43 BC)
 -- Metamorphoses, xiii
%%
It is the modest, not the presumptuous, inquirer who makes a real
and safe progress in the discovery of divine truths. One follows Nature
and Nature's God; that is, he follows God in his works and in his
word.
 -- Viscount Bolingbroke (1678-1751)
 -- On the Study and Use of History, Letter to Mr. Pope
%%
It is the natural order of things. Nothing can alter it. The strong
take, the weak surrender.
 -- Sepp von Plum
%%
It is the nature of our species to be free.
 -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3219.8.
%%
It is the pardonable vanity of lonely people everywhere to assume
that they have no counterparts.
%%
It is the part of a good shepherd to shear his flock, not to skin it.
 -- Latin proverb
%%
It is the part of a wise man to keep himself to-day for to-morrow,
and not to venture all his eggs in one basket.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
It is the person who is blind to what goes on around him that is most
surprised when the same things happen to him.
 -- M. Thompson
%%
It is the pleasure of reward rather than the pain of punishment that
motivates people.
%%
It is the "pon farr" -- the time of mating.
%%
It is the province of knowledge to speak
And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.
 -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
It is thermodynamically impossible to stuff a genie back into a bottle.
%%
It is the sick oyster which possesses the pearl.
 -- J. A. Shedd "Salt From My Attic"
%%
It is the theory that decides what we can observe.
 -- Albert Einstein,
 -- quoted in Bruce Gregory 'Inventing Reality: Physics as Language'
%%
It is the time you have wasted for your rose
that makes your rose so important.
 -- Saint-Exupery
%%
It is the woman who chooses the man who will choose her.
 -- Paul Geraldy
%%
It is through science that we prove, but through intuition that we
discover.
 -- Henri Poincare
%%
It is through the cracks in our brains that ecstasy creeps in.
%%
It is thus necessary that the individual should finally come to realize
that his own ego is of no importance in comparison with the existence
of his nation;  that the position of the individual ego is conditioned
solely by the interests of the nation as a whole...that above all the
unity of a nation's spirit and will are worth far more than the freedom
of the spirit and will of an individual...  This state of mind, which
subordinates the interests of the ego to the conservation of the
community, is really the first premise for every truly human
culture...The basic attitude from which such activity arises, we call - to
distinguish it from egoism and selfishness - idealism.  By this we
understand only the individual's capacity to make sacrifices for the
community, for his fellow men.
 -- Adolf Hitler at Buckeburg, Oct 7, 1933
%%
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
 -- Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell
%%
It is time to go on the wagon when your eyes appear to be two olives in a
 sea of tomato juice.
%%
It is to hope, though hope were lost.
 -- Mrs. Barbauld (1743-1825)
 -- Come here, Fond Youth
%%
It IS too a Tagline!
%%
It is too dangerous, you must not go alone.
Hey, I'm your cha'DIch.
 -- Worf and Picard, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
It is too far up for you to reach.
%%
It is traditional to leave the notation ambiguous.
%%
It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for
five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity.  But
it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you.
%%
It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin
 sister.
 -- Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby)
%%
It is true that liberty is precious - so precious that it must be rationed.
 -- Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
%%
It is truly written that a man has five times as many fingers as ears,
 but only twice as many ears as noses.
%%
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
 -- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
%%
It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever
for supposing it true.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967), "Skeptical Essays"
%%
It is undignified for a woman to play servant to a man who is
  not hers.
 -- Spock, "Amok Time," stardate 3372.7.
%%
It is unnatural for a human to feel bad about feeling good.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
It is up with you; all is over; you are ruined.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act i, Sc. 1, 9, (54.)
%%
It is useless for sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism
while wolves remain of a different opinion.
 -- William Ralph Inge, D. D.  1860 - 1954
%%
  It is useless to resist.
 -- A Sensorite, The Sensorites
%%
It is vain to do with more what can be done with less.
 -- William of Occam
%%
It is vain to look for a defence against lightning.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 835
%%
It is very difficult to look at the possibility of lesbian sheep because if
you are a female sheep, what you do to solicit sex is to stand still.
Maybe there is a female sheep out there really wanting another
female, but there's just no way for us to know it.
 -- Anne Perkins, U.C. Davis graduate student
 -- on her study of sexuality in sheep
%%
It is very difficult to maintain a relationship based solely on mistrust.
 -- Pierce Brosnan (in Remington Steele)
%%
It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes.  It takes more gut and
gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own.
 -- Jessamyn West
%%
It is very expensive to achieve high unreliability. It is not uncommon to
increase the cost of an item by a factor of ten for each factor of ten
degradation accomplished.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XVIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
It is very good advice to believe only what an artist does, rather than
 what he says about his work.
 -- David Hockney
%%
It is very true that I have said that I considered Napoleon's presence
in the field equal to forty thousand men in the balance. This is a
very loose way of talking; but the idea is a very different one from
that of his presence at a battle being equal to a reinforcement of
forty thousand men.
 -- Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington (1769-1852)
 -- Mem. by the Duke
%%
It is very vulgar to talk about one's own business. Only people like
 stockbrokers do that, and then merely at dinner parties.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
It is well, I die hard, but I am not afraid to go.
 -- George Washington, 14 December 1799
%%
It is well that war is so terrible, or we should get too fond of it.
 -- Robert E. Lee
%%
    It is well to know something of the manners of various
peoples, in order more sanely to judge our own, and that we do
not think that everything against our modes is ridiculous, and
against reason, as those who have seen nothing are accustomed
to think.
 -- Rene Descartes
 -- Discourse I
%%
It is well to moor your bark with two anchors.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 119
%%
    It is well to observe the force and virtue and consequence
of discoveries, and these are to be seen nowhere more
conspicuously than in those three which were unknown to the
ancients, and of which the origin, though recent, is obscure
and inglorious; namely, printing, gunpowder and the magnet
[i.e. Mariner's Needle].  For these three have changed the
whole face and state of things throughout the world.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
It is well to remember, my son, that the entire population of the
universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
 -- John Andrew Holmes
%%
It is well, when one is judging a friend, to remember that he is judging
 you with the same Godlike and superior impartiality.
 -- Arnold Bennett
%%
It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
%%
It is when you take for yourself that you truly take.
%%
It is wise not to seek a secret and honest not to reveal it.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to
focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.
 -- William Arthur Ward
%%
It is wise to empty the mind & fill the belly
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
It is with books as with men:  a very small number play a great part,
the rest are lost in the multitude.
 -- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
It is worse to be drunk with ale or beer than with wine; for the
 drunkenness endureth longer to the utter ruin of the brain and
 understanding, by reason that the fumes and vapors of ale or beer that
 ascend to the head are more gross, and therefore cannot be so soon resolved
 as those that rise up of wine.
 -- Tobias Venner
%%
It is wrong always, everywhere and for everyone to believe anything upon
insufficient evidence.
 -- W. K. Clifford, British philosopher, circa 1876
%%
It is yet a higher speech of his than the other, "It is true greatness
to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god."
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Adversity
%%
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.
%%
It is your destiny.
 -- Darth Vader
%%
It is your resistance to 'what is' that causes your suffering.
 -- Buddha
%%
It just doesn't get any better than this.  Ok, maybe it does...
%%
It Just Don't Add Up!
 -- Foghorn Leghorn.
%%
It just goes to show what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
It just goes to show you, its always something.
%%
It just won't break, chip, or split.
%%
I t#ld yo#, "Never#touch #he flop#y disk s#rface!"
%%
It leaves you a little confused about where the object you are going to
 purchase was made when it says "This price tag made in the USA."
%%
It literally is...Elvis.
 -- Riker
%%
It'll all end in tears, I know it.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
It'll be just like Beggars Canyon back home.
%%
It'll never work, really!
 -- C Error #008
%%
It looks as though you're dead. Well, seeing as how it's so close to
closing closing time anyway, I think we'll just call it a day.
%%
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47.
%%
It looks like a boat and it leaks like a boat so it must be a boat.
%%
It looks like a flying purple people eater!
%%
It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
%%
It looks like the sands of time could be running out for our lads.
%%
It looks like the Temple of Doom!
%%
It makes a difference whose ox is gored.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
It makes me feel so excited when you touch my keys that way.
%%
It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Martha cook up about a
hundred drumsticks, the the guy at the Marineland says, "You can't throw
chicken to the dolphins.  They eat fish."  Sure they eat fish, if that's all
you give them.  Man, wise up.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
 It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a
 scared rabbit.  Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was
 running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
It makes no difference what it is, a woman will buy anything she thinks a
 store is losing money on.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
%%
It makes us or it mars us.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Just how normal are we?    Just who
  are the people we nod our hellos to as we pass on the street?  A rather
  good question to ask--particularly in the Twilight Zone.
 -- Rod Serling
%%
It markes a big step in a man's development when he comes to realize
that other men can be called on to help him do a better job than
he can do alone.
 -- Andrew Carnagie
%%
It matters if you don't just give up.
 -- Stephen Hawking
%%
It matters little what you believe, so long as you don't
altogether believe it.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
It matters not how long you live, but how well.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 829
%%
It matters not so much what you sing, but why
 -- J.S. Bach
%%
It matters not what goal you seek
Its secret here reposes:
You've got to dig from week to week
To get Results or Roses.
 -- Edgar Guest
%%
It matters not what you are thought to be, but what you are.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 785
%%
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win
  or lose.
 -- Darrin Weinberg
%%
It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good
 either if you speak when your head is empty.
%%
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is
better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
It may be glorious to write
Thoughts that shall glad the two or three
High souls, like those far stars that come in sight
Once in a century.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- An Incident in a Railroad Car
%%
It may be GUI but you still can't eat it!
%%
It may be irrational of me, but human beings are quite my favorite
species.
 -- Doctor, Ark in Space
%%
It may be remarked for the comfort of honest poverty, that avarice
reigns most in those who have but few good qualities to recommend
them. This is a weed that will grow in a barren soil.
 -- Hughes
%%
It may be said that his wit shines at the expense of his memory.
 -- Alain Rene Le Sage (1668-1747)
 -- Gil Blas, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
    It may be that a genius of the so-called universal type--
an Aristotle, for example, or a Leibniz or a Leonardo da
Vinci-- is one whose mind has the group property.
 -- Cassius J. Keyser
%%
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God but to
 create him.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
It may be that the race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the
 strong--but that's the way to bet.
 -- Damon Runyon
%%
It may be that those who do most, dream most.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles whom we knew.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Ulysses
%%
It may have been proven, but I still won't accept logical proof.
 -- Eric Vasbinder
%%
It may not look like a bull, but it leaves a trail like one.
%%
It may soon be time for you to look for a new line of work.
%%
It might be a good idea to offer the unicorn a ruby.
%%
IT MIGHT BE ARGUED THAT
I have such a good answer for this objection,
that I want to make sure that I get to use it
 -- Research definitions
%%
It might be easy for you... but then you don't know what you're doing.
%%
It might be more worthwhile if we stopped wringing our hands and started
ringing our congressmen.
%%
It might be worth reflecting that this group was originally created
back in September of 1987 and has exchanged over 1200 messages.  The
original announcement for the group called for an all inclusive
discussion ranging from the writings of Gibson and Vinge and movies
like Bladerunner to real world things like Brands' description of the
work being done at the MIT Media Lab.  It was meant as a haven for
people with vision of this scope.  If you want to create a haven for
people with narrower visions, feel free.  But I feel sad for anyone
who thinks that alt.cyberpunk is such a monstrous group that it is in
dire need of being subdivided.  Heaven help them if they ever start
reading comp.arch or rec.arts.sf-lovers.
 -- Bob Webber
%%
It might help if we ran the MBA's out of Washington.
 -- Admiral Grace Hopper
%%
It misses!
%%
ITML: Initiate Termites into Macro Library
%%
It must be done like lightning.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Every Man in his Humour, Act iv, Sc. v
%%
It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan,
more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage, than the
creation of a new system.  For the initiator has the enmity of all who
would profit by the preservation of the old institutions and merely
lukewarm defenders in those who would gain by the new ones.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
It must be so,--Plato, thou reasonest well!
Else whence this pleasing hope, this fond desire,
This longing after immortality?
Or whence this secret dread and inward horror
Of falling into naught? Why shrinks the soul
Back on herself, and startles at destruction?
'T is the divinity that stirs within us;
'T is Heaven itself that points out an hereafter,
And intimates eternity to man.
Eternity! thou pleasing, dreadful thought!
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
It must have taken a lot of courage to discover that frog's legs are edible.
%%
It never hurts to help!
 -- Eek the Cat.
%%
It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #33
%%
It never rains in Oregon, We rust from too much sunshine.
%%
It never was our guise
To slight the poor, or aught humane despise.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiv, Line 65
%%
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
%%
I toast. Therefore I am.
%%
ITO as your children wished their grandparents practiced birth control..
%%
It occured before important facts were known, and cannot happen again.
(The important fact being that Hitler wanted to conquer Europe)
 -- The Munish Agreement excuse
%%
I told her, "Like (*&^%$# you are!"
%%
I told him that I wouldn't even consider it unless they guaranteed me
that I'd have no primary opposition and unless they would raise money
for me.
 -- Dan Quayle, remembering being asked to run for Congress
%%
 ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
I told my doctor I wanted to stop aging. He gave me a gun!
%%
I told my mother I was going to have natural childbirth. She said to me,
 "Linda, you've been taking drugs all your life. Why stop now?"
 -- Linda Maldonado
%%
I told someone I was getting married, and they said, "Have you picked a
 date yet?" I said, "Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding?" What a
 country!
 -- Yakov Smirnoff
%%
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.  He told me to quit
 going to those places.
 -- Henny Youngman
%%
I *told* the Muse I'm not a masochist, so why is the whip out again?
%%
I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat, I found
 that I had a fractured skull.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I told the truth Lord! How can I learn any moral lesson if you keep
confusing me like this.
 -- Philipe The Mouse, "Ladyhawke"
%%
I told you damn rabbits 'Only two!'.
 -- Noah, loading up the Ark
%%
I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
%%
I told you I was ill.
 -- Written on grave
%%
I told you never to call me on this wall!  This is an unlisted wall!
%%
I told you so!!!!
 -- Rush Limbaugh.
%%
I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune.
%%
It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
It only rang twice...then the dog answered..
%%
It only seems kinky the first time.
%%
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without
changing a single idea.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson
%%
It only takes a small oven to produce a half-baked idea.
%%
It only takes five days.......
%%
I took a baby shower.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I took a course at Cal once called Statistical Analysis. And there was a
 guy in the course who used to make up all his computations and he never
 used Sigma. He used his own initials. 'Cause he was the standard deviation.
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read 'War and Peace' in
twenty minutes.  It's about Russia.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I took a course in speed reading.  Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm.
 By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
I took a course in speed waiting.  Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
I took a fish head to the movies and I didn't have to pay.
 -- Fish Heads, Saturday Night Live, 1977.
%%
I took an economy flight. There wasn't any movie, but they flew low over
 drive-ins.
 -- Red Buttons
%%
I took Benzedrine--I got clairvoyance. With Benzedrine you can have a very
 wide view of the world--like you can decide the destiny of man and other
 pressing problems, such as which is the left sock?
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
I took biology two years in a row just to eat the specimens.
 -- Pat Paulsen
%%
I took Brad Templeton out to lunch one day, and afterwards, we stopped
by a bakery to bring eleven doughnuts back to the office.  The baker
offered a free sticky bun to pad our order to an even dozen, and Brad
refused the bun.  After we left, I asked why.  He said that he never
selects buns, especially pad buns.
%%
I took by the throat the circumcised dog,
And smote him, thus.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
I took it for a faery vision
Of some gay creatures of the element,
That in the colours of the rainbow live,
And play i' th' plighted clouds.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 298
%%
I took lessons in bicycle riding.  But I could only afford half of them.  Now I
 can ride a unicycle.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I took my cat in for a catscan. Diagnosis? It was a cat.
%%
I took my kid to the children's zoo, but they wouldn't take him.
%%
I took over from the previous electorate when he very sadly
  accidentally brutally cut his head off while combing his hair.
 -- Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
I took thee for thy better.  Take thy fortune.
%%
I took the vacation I wanted all my life. I packed Alice and the kids and
 all the luggage in our station wagon and headed it right straight to
 Canada. Then I went to Las Vegas and had a ball.
 -- George Gobel
%%
I took to my heels as fast as I could.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act v, Sc. 2, 5, (844.)
%%
I took up a collection for a man in our office. But I didn't get enough
 money to buy one.
 -- Ruth Buzzi
%%
I took up gardening as a hobby, but I only grew tired.
%%
I, too, was born in Arcadia.
 -- Bartholomew Schidoni (1560-1616)
%%
I totally agree with your thoughts. Let the 'games' begin!
%%
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
 -- Salvor Hardin, in Isaac Asimov's Foundation
%%
It [Poesy] was ever thought to have some participation of divineness,
because it doth raise and erect the mind by submitting the shews of
things to the desires of the mind.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Advancement of Learning, Book ii
%%
I travelled to a mystical time-zone,and I missed my bed and I soon came
 home.They said there's too much caffeine in your blood-stream and a
 lack of real spice in your life.....
 -- S. Morrisey
%%
I travel with the wind & listen to it's voices.
%%
It really bothers me when people cut me o...
%%
It really doesn't matter who is President. They all end up sitting in the
 Oval Office, sticking pins in a Dan Rather doll.
%%
It reduces anxiety by reducing the expected quality of the project
from the best of all possible efforts the the best that can be expected
given the limited time.
%%
It requires a surgical operation to get a joke well into a Scotch
understanding.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 15
%%
It requires more energy to remove an object from it's proper place than
to put it back.
 -- MacPherson's Law of Entropy
%%
I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walked.
%%
I tried APL, but it was all Greek to me!
%%
I tried being reasonable once.  I didn't like it.
%%
I tried computer dating once; I decided I preferred women.
%%
I tried Flintstones vitamins. I didn't feel any better but I could stop the
 car with my feet.
 -- Joan St. Onge
%%
I tried LSD but I didn't actually swallow.
%%
I tried one of those new diet books, but when chapter three said I should
 make a trip to Three Mile Island for a meltdown, I ceased the whole idea.
%%
I tried OS/2 once, but I didn't inhale.
%%
I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.
 -- Richard Lewis
%%
I tried reality, but it didn't work.
%%
I tried sanity once. Didn't like it.
%%
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
%%
I tried snorting coke once.  I almost drowned.
%%
I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit!
%%
I tried the rest but bought the best!!!! R:BASE!
%%
I tried to avoid hitting him, but he kept coming toward me and asking for
 it and I finally felt that I really should oblige him. It demolished his
 car, but it didn't even scratch my road scraper.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped!
%%
I tried to drown my problems, but they can swim.
%%
I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
%%
I **TRIED** to register it!
%%
I tried to smoke some hash, but the corned beef wouldn't light!
%%
I tried Windows NT once, but I didn't inhale.
%%
I tripped over a hole that was sticking up out of the ground.
%%
itrunc: %s/%d new size = %d, blocks = %d
%%
It runs in the blood like wooden legs.
%%
It runs! It runs!  Now if it just did something...
%%
It runs like x, where x is something unsavory
 -- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
%%
It runs much faster with a 1Gb disk cache.
%%
I trust in Nature for the stable laws
Of beauty and utility. Spring shall plant
And Autumn garner to the end of time.
I trust in God,--the right shall be the right
And other than the wrong, while he endures.
I trust in my own soul, that can perceive
The outward and the inward,--Nature's good
And God's.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Soul's Tragedy, Act i
%%
I trust MY judgement. I'm not sure about yours.
%%
I trust only one thing in a woman: that she will not come to life
again after she is dead. In all other things I distrust her.
 -- Antipanes (388-311 B.C.), Greek comic dramatist, Fragment
%%
I try all things; I achieve what I can.
 -- Herman Melville
%%
'I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.'
 -- Judge Harry Stone
%%
I try to know what I need to know.   I make sure to know what I want to
know.
 -- Nero Wolfe
%%
I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
I try to see good in everything--it makes me horrible to live with.
%%
I try to stay away from liberalism.  I know how dangerous it is for
our... Don't ask me to take a liberal position where I am right now.
It's contrary to the administration's viewpoints.  It would not be
terribly helpful to anyone, especially me.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
It's 00:00 GMT.  Do you know where your PC is?
%%
It's 03:00 A.M. Do you know where your data is?
%%
It's 03:30 A.M. Do you know where your mail is?
%%
It's 03:40 P.M. Do you know where your child is?
%%
It's 03 A.M. and the kids aren't home from school yet.
%%
It's 05:00 and time for the Penguin on the Tele to explode.
%%
It's 05:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?
%%
It's 1000. Do you know what time it is?
%%
It's 10:00pm.  Do you know where your daughter is?
%%
It's 1,000 to 1, but it's our only chance-a flame hurling catapult!
%%
It's 10 o'clock.  Do you know where your child processes are?
%%
It's 10 pm, Do you know where your software is?
%%
It's 11:00 o'clock. Do you know what your cats are shredding?
%%
It's 11:56 pm. Do you know where your modem is?
%%
Its 11 PM and you aren't home. Do you know what your cats are shredding?
%%
It's 11 pm--do you know where your underwear is?
%%
It's 12:24 am. Do you know where *YOU* are?
%%
Its 1993 and Elvis is still dead.
%%
It's 23:30.. Do you know where your files are?
%%
It's 25:00!  Do you know where I am?
%%
It's 74841505. Do you know where your kids are?
%%
It's a +5 Long Sword, it should be easy to break.
%%
It's Abby Normal's brain!
%%
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood,...
%%
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's superman! No, it's bad news, and it flies
 faster than a speeding bullet, faster than a supersonic plane, faster even
 than superman. It is like a fast arrow, taking the most direct and
 speediest route. Of course, the good news always travels too, but it takes
 it's time, and goes as the usual speed of nearly frozen molassas.
%%
It's a bird, it's a plane...NO! It's Super Patrick!
%%
It's a bird...it's a plane...OH NOOOOO, it's the MODERATOR!
%%
It's a Board! It's a plane! It's A, aah, A, aah,  aw, screw it...
%%
It's a boy, Mrs. Walker, it's a boy.
%%
It's a busy life in Camelot.
%%
It's a chain saw. I always carry one for emergencies.
%%
It's a classic Pinzer maneuver; it can't fail against a bunch of
ten-year-olds!
 -- Herman in "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
It's a cold fish!  It's DEAD IN THE WATER!
%%
It's a computer thing--I wouldn't understand.
%%
It's a Consignment of Geriatric Shoe Operatives,
i.e., a load of old cobblers.
%%
It's a control freak thing - I won't let you understand.
%%
It's a crowbar.  I always carry one for emergencies.
%%
It saddens Norwegians that America still honors the Italian Columbus,
who arrived late in the New World and by accident, who wasn't even
interested in New Worlds but only in spices.  Out on a spin in search
of curry powder and hot peppers - a man on a voyage to the grocery -
he stumbled onto the land of heroic Vikings and proceeded to get the
credit for it.   And then to name it 'America' after Amerigo Vespucci,
an Italian who never saw the New World but only sat in Italy and drew
incredibly inaccurate maps of it.  By rights, it should be called
Erica, after Eric the Red, who did the work five hundred years earlier.
The United States of Erica.  Erica the Beautiful.  The Erican League.
 -- Garrison Keillor, Lake Wobegon Days
%%
It's a dead man's party...Who could ask for more?
%%
It's a dessert topping AND a floor wax!
 -- Saturday Night Live
%%
It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta pawn it off on someone else.
%%
Its! Admiral! Flinstone! -- He's Fred, Jim.
%%
It's a dog-eat-dog world, so bring utensils!
%%
Its a dogma-eat-dogma world!
%%
Its a dog's life -how lucky they are!
%%
It's a dope thang, you wouldn't understand.
%%
It's a fact of life...  Males are born with 2 heads, but only enough
blood to operate one at a time!
%%
It's a fact women live longer than men-especially widows.
%%
It's a fantastic job, but someone's gotta do it.
%%
It's a fine night to have an evening.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
It's a fine world, though rich in hardships at times.
 -- Augustus    McCrae
%%
It's a flaming telepath!!!
%%
It's a free cosmos!
 -- The Doctor
%%
It's a Freedom thing, you wouldn't understand.
%%
It's a funny thing that when a woman hasn't got anything on earth to
 worry about, she goes off and gets married.
%%
It's a game of two halves.
%%
It's a gnarly day in the neighborhood...
%%
It's a good bet the Empire knows we're here!
%%
It's a good day to lie.
 -- President Klinton
%%
It's a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll
 have the strength to break them when you're old.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
It's a good job I'm not colour blind because both teams are playing in
 black and white.
%%
It's a good rule to follow the first law of holes: if you are in one, stop
 digging.
 -- Denis Healey
%%
It's a good Supreme Court. They're lawyers... they're judges...
they're appointed for life.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
 -- on being asked about the verdict in the Supreme Court
 -- ruling on the PA abortion law case.
 -- (Broadcast on ABC's "Prime Time Live," August 10, 1992)
%%
 It's a good thing money can't buy happiness.
 We couldn't stand the commercials.
 -- Gerrold's Fundamental Truth
%%
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
%%
It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay
 right up there.  Hunters would be all confused.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
It's a good thing you're cute Wesley, or you could really be obnoxious.
 -- Oliana Mirren, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
It's a good thing you're wearing a mustache. It breaks up the monotony of
 your face.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
Its a good thing you were wearing that helmet.
%%
It's a great city. It's very culturally enriching. I now understand English
 in seven foreign accents.
 -- Anita Wise
%%
It's a great day to be alive.
%%
It's a GREAT DAY when I learn something new!
%%
It's a great idea! - but it still has to work...
%%
It's a great place, and the drinks are cold!
%%
It's a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books
which are your very own.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
%%
It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away all he has
and all he's ever gonna have.
 -- Will Munny, "Unforgiven"
%%
It's a hockey stick. I always carry one for emergencies.
%%
It's a hockey thing, you wouldn't understand.
%%
It's a Holdup!: Nick R. Elastic
%%
It's a human thing, you wouldn't understand
%%
"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of
 gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
 "Hit it."
 -- Jake and Elwood Blues, "The Blues Brothers"
%%
        It's a hybrid of texas-state bluegrass, and a New York sensimillia.
This stuff is great, cuz you can go play a good eighteen holes on it, take it
home, and get stoned enough to play jesus bells on it.
 -- Caddyshack
%%
It said "Don't Panic" in big friendly letters.
%%
It said,  This is probably the best button to press.
%%
It's a Japanese rock garden, a Zen pool for skinny dipping.
%%
Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different.
%%
It's a Klingon thing...you wouldn't understand.
%%
It's a knockout tournament and anything can happen.
%%
It's a lie.  I was never here.
 -- Kilroy
%%
It's alive, it's alive...muhahaha!
%%
It's Alive.  Well, not REALLY, but it was pretty scary, huh.
%%
It's all about doing the business where it matters in the 6 yard box.
%%
It's all absolutely devastatingly true, except the bits that are lies.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
It's all a conspiracy.
%%
It's all a game -- play it to have fun.
 -- Price's Advice
%%
It's all a matter of life and death, so beware of the undead.
%%
It's all a matter of taste.
%%
It's all a pigment of your hallucination.
%%
It's all fun and games, until someone loses an eye, then it's a sport.
%%
It's all in a day's work for Confuse-a-Cat.
%%
It's all in the mind, so you might as well be happy.
%%
It's all in the mind, ya know.
%%
It's All In Your Head: Madge Ination.
%%
It's all part of life's rich pattern.
%%
It's all right if old people are rich.  After all, no one wants to
have sex with them so they deserve some derivative.
%%
It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
 -- Mick Jagger
%%
"It's all so painfully empty and lonesome...  I don't think I can stand
any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are
never missed.  The fact there is *nobody*... nobody really...  We come
out of a yawning tomb of flesh and sink back finally into another tomb.
What is the point of it all?  Who thought up this sickening circle of
flesh and blood?  We come into the world bleeding and cut and our bones
half-crushed only to emerge and suffer more torment, mutilation, and
then at the last lie down in some hole in the ground forever.  Who could
have thought it up, I wonder?"
 -- James Purdy
%%
It's all so... WONKY!
%%
It's all very well in practice, but it will never work in theory.
 -- French management saying
%%
It's almost like having a fifth sense or something!
 -- Homer in "Call of the Simpsons", from The Simpsons
%%
It's a long time since I've enjoyed myself so much.
%%
It's a lot better then having a FERRET in yer trousers!
%%
It's a lot of fun being alive...  I wonder if my bed is made?!?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
It's alright, don't close your eyes, it's only teenage wasteland.
%%
It's alright - he's from Barcelona.
%%
It's always better to be a smart ass, than a dumb ass.
%%
It's always darkest at the top of the stairs.
%%
It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
%%
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
 -- Alex Clark
%%
It's always darkest right before you step in dog mess!
%%
It's always darkest when the light bulb has blown.
%%
It's ALWAYS dark if you never open your eyes!
%%
It's always easier to just fall than to try to climb.
%%
It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly
 concerned about.
%%
It's always harder to pave the way for others!
%%
It's always someone else's problem anyway ...
%%
It's always sunny there this time of the year.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
It's always sunny there this time of the year.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
It's always the partner's fault.
 -- The First Law of Bridge
%%
 It's always the wrong time of the month.
 -- Astrology Law
 -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
It's always useful to know where a friend-and-relation is, whether
you want him or whether you don't.
 -- Rabbit, Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
It's a match made in heaven.
Unfortunately, it will have to be a shotgun wedding.
 -- Dr. Pulaski and Riker, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
It's a matter of life after death. After he's dead, I have a life.
 -- Mrs White, _Clue_
%%
It's a matter of suggestion. You kind of tickle the talent.
 -- David Lean
%%
"It's amazing! All natural laws can be reduced to one simple, unifying
equation!"
"Really? What is it?"
"Already my powerful brain is bored with such simple problems and is now
working on why girls are so obnoxious."
 -- Calvin and Hobbes, "Calvin and Hobbes"
%%
It's amazing how long it takes to complete something you are
not working on.
 -- McGee's First Law
%%
"It's amazing how many intelligent people don't own an IBM..."
 -- John Pritchard
%%
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
It's amazing how much one person can do, little by little, over time.
%%
It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.
 -- Michael Arlen
%%
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every
 day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
 -- Jerry Seinfeld
%%
It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be
 carried by one of the world's smallest animals: the real tiny dog.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
It's amazing what ordinary people can do
if they set out without preconceived notions.
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
It's America's favorite blowhard, Rush Limbaugh!
%%
It's a mistake to try to understand machines...they only worry me.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
It's a Mr. Death, he's come about the reaping???
%%
It's a mystery to me!
%%
It's an all or nothing proposition, baby.
%%
It's an anywhere road, for anybody anyhow. Where body how?
%%
It's an Earth drink, prune juice.
A warrior's drink.
 -- Guinan and Worf, "Yesterday's Enterprise", stardate 43625.2
%%
It's an Elder Thing, you don't _want_ to understand.
%%
It's an Elder Thing--you wouldn't understand.
%%
It's an EXE file Jim, but not an EXE as we know it!
%%
    It's an experience like no other experience I can
describe, the best thing that can happen to a scientist,
realizing that something that's happened in his or her mind
exactly corresponds to something that happens in nature.  It's
startling every time it occurs.  One is surprised that a
construct of one's own mind can actually be realized in the
honest-to-goodness world out there.  A great shock, and a
great, great joy.
 -- Leo Kadanoff
%%
It's an IBM; it's got an excuse.
%%
It's an older code sir, but it checks out.  I was about to clear them.
 -- Imperial Lackey to commander as Millenium Falcon approaches Death Star
 -- Star Wars
%%
It's an Old Ones Thing, if you understood it would drive you insane.
%%
It's an old, seedy, run-down gymnasium on the lower West Side catering to
 young and old boxers. Amidst the yelling, the smell of fighters sweating,
 punching bags and each other, one of the boxers comes over to his corner
 following three rounds of heavy hitting and says to his manager, "I really
 want a shot at the kid, Kid Jackson. I know I'm getting old and a little
 punchy, but before I retire I just want one chance in the ring with him!"

 And the manager, wiping the fighter's face with a towel, says, "Look, if
 I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times: You're Kid Jackson!"
 -- Soupy Sales
%%
It's a notable exception..
%%
It's another fine mess you got us into, Ollie.
%%
It's a patronizing thing--you wouldn't understand
%%
It's a perfectly beautiful morning in Santa Cruz.
Just this once, take the day off and go *play* for a change.
%%
It's a perfectly good shuttlecraft.
 -- Picard, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
It's a personal CD player! You said you wanted something personal!
 -- mhc
%%
It's a poor cook who cannot lick his own fingers.
%%
"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards," the Queen remarked.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
%%
It's a port of call, home away from home...
%%
It's apple blossom time in Orange, New Jersey;
the pear of us will have a peach of a time.
%%
It's a probable twelve to seven...
%%
It's a proud moment for a Scoutmaster when a Scout earns his Eagle.
%%
It's a question of intelligence -- so your opinion has very
little relevance....
 -- Avon
%%
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
 -- Dick Cavett
%%
It's a sad house where the cock is silent and the hen crows.
%%
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
It's a scientific fact that if you stay in Calafornia you loose one
 point of your IQ for every year.
 -- Truman Capote, from Breakfast at Benny's
%%
It's as easy as 1-2-C.
%%
It's as EZ as 1-2-3 HA!
%%
It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is
work.  He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he
can't make love for eight hours.  The only thing a man can do for eight
hours is work.
 -- William Faulkner
%%
It's as if there's a laser beam in his chest attracting the ball.
%%
 ... it's as if the whole world was suddenly destroyed, but not by an
explosion -- an explosion is something hard and solid -- but destroyed
by  ... some horrible kind of softening ... as if nothing was solid,
nothing held any shape at all, and you could poke your finger through
stone walls and the stone would give, like jelly, and mountains would
slither, and buildings would switch their shapes like clouds -- and
that would be the end of the world, not fire and brimstone, but goo.
 -- Cherryl Taggart
%%
IT'S A SIGN OF THE END-TIMES!!
%%
It's a sky blue sky.  Satellites are out tonight.
%%
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
It's a standard question, made a bit harder by adding some A-level stuff.
%%
It's a state of the art sandwich, innit?
It's the State of the floor I'm worried about!
%%
It's a summons.
What's a summons?
It means summon's in trouble.
 -- Rocky and Bullwinkle
%%
It's a Tao thing, there is nothing _to_ understand.
%%
It's a thrill to be here in Russia ... Surprisingly enough, I'm not having
 any trouble with the language. Nobody speaks to me.
 -- Bob Hopee
%%
It's a time-honored way of practicing medicine. With your head, and
  your heart, and your hands.
 -- Dr. Pulaski, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
It's at moments like this that you want to squeeze false fruit.
%%
It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it.
%%
It's a useless but absolutely vital precaution.
%%
It's a very boring time.  I am not particularly maternal--it's
an occupational hazard of being a wife.
 -- Anne, Princess (1950-), [1981] TV interview
%%
It's a very Kafka-esque high- makes you feel like a bug.
%%
Its a very lovely ship... I think that you should go down with it.
%%
It's a very rare and precious Chinese puzzle box.   You won't be
 able to open it, so put it down.
 -- Countess Scarlioni, CITY OF DEATH
%%
It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realize that one's
safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government
contract.
 -- Alan Shepherd, one of the Apollo astronauts 
%%
It's a very *UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
 -- Churchy La Femme
%%
It's a well known fact that computing devices such as the abacus were invented
 thousands of years ago. But it's not well known that the first use of a common
 computer protocol occured in the Old Testament.  This, of course, was when
 Moses aborted the Egyptians' process with a control-sea...
 -- Tom Galloway
%%
It's a Windows thang...
%%
"It's a Wonderful Life 2 - Potter's Revenge"
 -- Movie sequel?
%%
It's a wonder I don't have a persecution complex with everybody in the whole
world out to get me.
%%
It says, "There is something strange about this place, such that one
of of the words I've always known now has a new effect."
%%
It says tigers nearly faced extinction and their future remains in
doubt.... This explains why I don't meet many babes.
 -- CALVIN AND HOBBES
%%
It's a Zen thing, trying to understand won't help.
%%
It's back...and it's got a gun.
%%
It's Barney!  Quick, get me some insulin!!!!!
%%
It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?
%%
It's because I'm short and bald, isn't it, Beverly?
%%
It's been a business doing pleasure with you.
%%
It's been a hard day's night. You should be sleeping like a log.
%%
It's been a long time since I rock and rolled.
%%
It's been a LOONNNGGGG week.[SIGH]
%%
It's been a Murphy day all week long. Sigh!
%%
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
%%
It's been Monday aaaallllllll week!
%%
It's been real and it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun.
%%
It's been said before that the world is a stage, with a different performance
for every age.
 -- the Kinks
%%
It's been surreal, but I can't Dali now.
%%
It's "Being Hit on the Head" lessons in `ere.
%%
It's better not to date anyone than to date someone who treats you like a
pair of slippers.
 -- little 'e'
%%
It's better the world wonder why you *AREN'T* President.
%%
It's better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers.
 -- James Thurber
%%
It's better to be looked over than overlooked.
 -- Mae West
%%
It's better to be pissed off rather than pissed on.
%%
It's better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all
doubt.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
 -- Marty Winch
%%
It's better to burn out than to rust out.
%%
It's better to deliver something soon than nothing late.
 -- Eric Firdman, Pacific Bell Software Development Executive director
%%
It's better to divorce than to murder.
%%
It's better to dream of an Amiga than own a PC.
%%
It's better to duck than to hurry yourself out of this world by thinking you
can roll with the punches.
%%
It's better to get mugged than to live a life of fear.
 -- Freeman Dyson

Freeman did indeed say that, but I'm probably the only person who was
listening to him at the time.    So, you won't find it written in any of
his books.
 -- Russell Nelson
%%
It's better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
 -- Philip Gibbs
%%
It's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.
%%
It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end.
%%
It's better to not be where the news is.
 -- General Rule #6
%%
It's better to retire too soon than too late.
 -- Charles A. Mosher
%%
It's beyond my control.
 -- The Veconte, from Dangerous Liasons
%%
It's called "enunciation", Dr. Elders. I suggest you try it.
%%
It's called EVIL, kid.
%%
It's called getting it in the NEC.
%%
It's called "Windows" because it's such a "pane" to use.
%%
It's certainly not over yet with five minutes left in the first half.
%%
It's chaos pure and simple [with detail of Mandelbrot set].
%%
It's Chief O'Brien.  He's wed, Jim.
%%
It's classified.  I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
 -- Top Gun
%%
It's colder than a witches t*t in a brass bra on the 12th of January!
%%
It's comin' apart, Lad
 -- Scotty
%%
"It's commode huggin' time in the valley"
 -- Stupid country song titles #10
%%
Its constitution the glittering and sounding generalities
 -- Rufus Choate (1799-1859)
 -- Letter to the Maine Whig Committee, 1856
%%
It's currently a problem of access to gigabits through punybaud.
 -- J. C. R. Licklider
%%
It's curtains fa you, pal, CURTAINS!  Why, they're LOVELY..
%%
It's curtains for Windows!
%%
It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse!   This gun is so futuristic that even
 *I* don't know how it works!
 -- from Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
%%
It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely.
 -- Cole Porter
%%
It's difficult to be depressed while you're doing something.
%%
Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters
%%
It's difficult to explain to a mouse that black cats are lucky.
%%
It's difficult to soar with eagles when you work with
turkeys.
 -- Langsam's Ornithological Axiom
%%
It's easier said than done. ... and if you don't believe it,
try proving that it's easier done than said,
and you'll see that it's easier said
that `it's easier done than said' than it is done,
which really proves that it's easier said than done.
%%
It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.
 -- Don Price
%%
It's easier to be original and foolish than original and wise.
 -- Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz
%%
It's easier to curse the candle than light the darkness.
%%
It's easier to do good then be good.
%%
It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for
being right.
%%
It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
%%
It's easier to listen than it is to think.
 -- Andy Rooney, on the popularity of television
%%
It's Easier to Put on Slippers. Then To Carpet The World.
%%
It's easier to see how funny life is when somebody else is living it.
%%
It's easier to seek
 forgiveness than permission.
 -- Frank Hamilton
%%
Its easier to see the frame when you're not interested in the picture.
%%
It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue!
%%
It's easy to be brave from a safe distance.
%%
It's easy to be egotistical, when you don't know anything.
%%
It's easy to come and go... The hard thing is to remain.
%%
It's easy to direct while acting--there's one less person to argue with.
 -- Roman Polanski
%%
It's easy to drop a cucumber.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
It's easy to get a loan unless you need it.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten.
They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
 -- M. Grundler
%%
It's easy to make decisions if you ignore the facts.
%%
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money.  And I guess
 that's what I like about it.  It's easy.  Just sitting there, rocking back and
 forth, wanting that money.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
It's easy to stop making mistakes.  Just stop having ideas.
%%
It's easy to tell when you've got a bargain- it doesn't fit.
%%
"It seemed like the thing to do at the time."
 -- Law of Historical Causation
 -- Michael Uhlmann
%%
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people.  The good ones
  slept better...  while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much
  more.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
  "It seemed to me," said Wonko the Sane, "that any
civilization that had so far lost its head as to need
to include a set of detailed instructions for use in
a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization
in which I could live and stay sane."
 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
It seemed to me that, somehow, the blue jay was trying to communicate
with me. I would see him fly into the house across the way, pick up
the telephone, and dial.  My phone would ring, and it would be him,
but it was just this squawking and cheeping.  "What?! What?!" I would
yell back, but he never did speak English.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
It seems, Admiral, that I've got all his marbles.
 -- McCoy
%%
Itseemsalittlecrowdedinheredontyouthink?
%%
It seems easy to understand those who long for things as they were. You
 used to get a free sandwich with a dime beer. Now, you get stale crackers
 with a three buck cocktail with lots of ice.
%%
It seems highly impractical for us to be thinking of lengthing the school
 year when it is already so difficult to get in all those back to school
 sales that we now have.
%%
It seems, in fact, as though the second half of a man's life
is made up of nothing but the habits he has accumulated
during the first half.
 -- Feodor Dostoyevski, "The Possessed"
%%
It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to,
 the more he loves the flag.
%%
It seems Mr. Watson has answered his own question.
 -- Seymour Cray
%%
It seems prostitutes have already moved into the hotels at the new
EuroDisney resort outside Paris.  Apparently the cost is $50 to do
it Goofy style,  or $100 for a straight Donald Duck.
 -- Heard on the BBC's "Have I got News for You" programme...
%%
It seems safe to say that significant discovery, really creative thinking,
does not occur with regard to problems about which the thinker is lukewarm.
 -- Mary Henle
%%
It seems she hangs
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
It seems that all of those secret police guys in East Germany won't be
jobless for long.  Most of the field agents have been snapped up by
cab companies, since they know their areas so well, and the desk
workers have been hired as dispatchers. The neat thing about the new
dispatchers is that all they need is the name of the customer and they
can give the cabbies the address.
%%
It seems that Mary Poppins has moved to California.  Yep,
she has started a business telling people's fortunes.  But, she
doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells one's breath.
Thats, right, the sign outside reads:
 Super California Mystic
Expert Halitosis.
%%
It seems that nature has concealed at the bottom of our minds, talents
and abilities of which we are not aware. The passions alone have
the privilege of bringing them to light, and of giving us sometimes
views more certain and more perfect than art could possible produce.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It seems the part of wisdom.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 336
%%
It seems these two Airmen decided to rob the local 7-11, a stupid move
in and of itself.  But wait, its stupid to rob a store when you're in
the military 'cause the haircut will give you away every time.  But
wait again, its even stupider to do it in UNIFORM with you NAME
emblazoned in 1 inch letters on the front.  But wait yet again, its
even stupider to tie up the clerk and try and ring up customers
purchases from behind the register while in uniform outside an Air
Force base.  Especially when your first customer is a Chief Master Sgt.
%%
It seems to be a fairly good sign that your memory is slipping if you can't
 even recall those things you are trying to forget because you can't
 remember them as things you are trying to forget.
%%
It seems to be a salubrious verisimilitude that fish are squamous.
%%
...[I]t seems to be the fate of idealists to obtain what they have
 struggled for in a form which destroys their ideals.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
It seems to be uncontaminated by cheese.
%%
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
%%
It seems to me (said she) that you are in some brown study.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 80
%%
It seems to me that if you're a Saint, you don't *need* Rhythm,
and if you use Rhythm, you *ain't* no Saint!
 -- A comment concerning Paul Simon's album, "Rhythm of the Saints"
%%
It seems to me that your antenna doesn't bring in too many stations anymore.
%%
It seems to me that you've lived your life like a candle in the wind
 -- Candle In The Wind
 --  Elton John
%%
It seems to me the uses of tobacco aren't obvious right off the bat ... You
 can shred it up and put it on a piece of paper and roll it up ... and stick
 it between your lips ... and then you set fire to it! Then what do you do?
 You inhale the smoke. It seems offhand you could stand in front of your
 fireplace and have the same thing going.
 -- Bob Newhart
%%
 It seems to me to be a typical triumph of modern science to find the
 only part of Randolph that was not malignant, and remove it.
 -- Evelyn Waugh
 -- when Randolph Churchill had a benign tumour removed from his lung
%%
It seems you keep overlooking a sign reading "No trespassing"!
%%
 "It's eight o'clock, sir!"
 "Why the devil didn't you tell me that before?"
 -- Overheard in hotel
%%
It's either very early or very late.
%%
It seldom pays to be rude. It never pays to be only half-rude.
 -- Norman Douglas (1868-1952; British Author)
%%
It's Ensign Clampett.  He's Jed, Jim!
%%
It's Ensign Coward.  He's fled, Jim!
%%
It's Ensign Flintstone, Jim... He's FRED!!!
%%
It's Ensign Lestat, Jim. He's undead.
%%
It's Ensign Pillsbury ... he's bread, Jim!
%%
It's extremely hard to fold a Buffalo.
%%
It's Fabulous! We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour!
 -- Macy's
%%
Its failings notwithstanding, there is much to be said in favor
of journalism in that by giving us the opinion of the uneducated,
it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we
 can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary
 Skeletons.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Its fatal to be appreciated in one's own time.
%%
It's feminizm, stupid!
%%
"It's fifteen hundred miles to Ankh-Morpork" he said.  "We've got
 three hundred and sixty three elephants, fifty carts of forage, the
 monsoon's about to break and we're wearing ... we're wearing ... sort
 of things, like glass, only dark... dark glass things on our eyes..."
 -- Terry Pratchett "Moving Pictures".
%%
It's funny because *I* said it!
%%
It's funny. You come some place new and everything looks the same.
%%
It's fun to harm people while they play twister.
%%
It's getting _REAL_ hot, and Clinton's selling handbaskets!
%%
It's getting *SO* bad that Chelsea wants to be put up for adoption.
%%
It's getting *SO* bad that Chelsea wants to divorce her parents.
%%
It's getting so it's hard to laugh about disasters.
%%
It's getting very bad, boys.
We don't blow up trucks anymore.
 -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?"
%%
It's good to be just plain happy; it's a little better to know that you're
happy; but to understand that you're happy and to know why and how, in what
way, because of what concatenation of events or circumstances, and still be
happy, be happy in the being and the knowing, well, that is beyond happiness
-- that is bliss, and if you have any sense you ought to kill yourself on the
spot and be done with it.
 -- Henry Miller, "The Colossus of Maroussi"
%%
Its GOOD to be the King! (Mel Brooks)
%%
It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full
responsibility for me.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
It's good to see people not smoking. You get dressed up, and you smoke, and
 it gets in your clothes. You go, "What should I wear tonight?" "I don't
 know, honey, how about something menthol?"
 -- George Lopez
%%
It's got so that if a man opens a door for a lady to go through first, he's
 the doorman.
 -- Mae West
%%
It's got to be the goin',
Not the gettin' there that's good.
 -- Harry Chapin
%%
It's great AND less filling.
%%
It's great to be a Faust, even in a pack of other Fausts.
 -- Fritz Leiber, 'The Big Time'
%%
It's great to be a part of something so good that's lasted so long.
%%
It's great to be great, but greater to be me.
%%
It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff.
%%
It's great to be young and insane.
 -- Michael Keaton, The Dream Team
%%
It's great to do nothing and rest afterwards.
%%
It's great to hear your voice, Captain. We're a little busy right now.
  I'll get right back to you.
 -- Geordi, "Arsenal of Freedom", stardate 41798.2
%%
It's green.
 -- Scotty
%%
It 's guid to be merry and wise,
It 's guid to be honest and true,
It 's guid to support Caledonia's cause,
And bide by the buff and the blue.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Here 's a Health to Them that 's Awa'
%%
It shall be called....THE EARTH!
%%
It shall be said: He died as he had lived: In his sleep.
%%
It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the
municipality.
 -- Local ordinance, Euclid Ohio
%%
Its hard being BLUE.
%%
It's hard having a big nose. All my pullover shirts have stretch marks. I
 go to the beach, my friends make me lie on my back facing north so they can
 tell time. I can't go in the ocean--I'll be doing the backstroke and
 someone'll shout, "Shark!"
 -- Rick Corso
%%
 It's hard playing against a man.
 -- About Martina Navratilova
%%
It's hard to argue against the right when the right is so right!
%%
It's hard to argue with someone who knows what he's talking about.
%%
It's hard to be a James Bond in an Abbott and Costello world.
%%
Its hard to be graceful getting off your high horse.
%%
It's hard to be humble when your abilities exceed your ego.
%%
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.
%%
It's hard to be humble when you're having so much fun.
%%
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect!
%%
It's hard to believe he beat 100,000 other sperm.
%%
It's hard to believe it, but some teens are humans.
%%
It's hard to believe that something which is neither seen nor
  felt can do so much harm.
That's true.  But an idea can't be seen or felt.  And that's
  what kept the Troglytes in the mines all these centuries.  A
  mistaken idea.
 -- Vanna and Kirk, "The Cloud Minders," stardate 5819.0
%%
It's hard to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic just because she lives
 in your body!
 -- Judy Tenuta
%%
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
%%
It's hard to be one of the thousand points of light
when you can't pay your electric bill.
%%
It's hard to be serious when you're naked.
%%
It's hard to call the zoo when the lion's busy.
%%
It's hard to communicate when you already know what you want to hear.
%%
It's hard to decide if T.V. makes morons out of everyone or if it
mirrors Americans who really are morons to begin with.
 -- Martin Mull
%%
It's hard to face tomorrow, but it's easier than facing no tomorrow.
%%
It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.
 -- Sally Kempton
%%
It's hard to figure out the landlord of an apartment complex who will
 discourage children from being tenants, yet allow rock band players.
%%
It's hard to find a good driver these days, one with
character and style.
%%
It's hard to imagine what one would do with a ferret and Vasoline.
%%
It's hard to keep a wife admired by everyone, and it's hard to live with a wife
admired by no one.
%%
It's hard to make a living writing taglines.
%%
It's hard to predict the future when liberals keep changing the past.
%%
It's hard to read the writing on the wall when you've got your back to it.
%%
It's hard to remain true to a changing self.
%%
It's hard to RTFM if you can't *find* the FM...
%%
It's hard to say who brags more, the reformed smoker or the guy whose
car gets 30 miles to the gallon.
 -- James Alexander
%%
It's hard to see a halo, when all you see are horns.
%%
Its hard to see if you won't open your ears.
%%
It's hard to seize the day when first you've got to
grapple with the morning
%%
It's hard to sing with an empty glass.
%%
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.
%%
It's hard to strike a balance between keeping an open mind
and being a sucker.
 -- Joe Quigley
%%
It's hard to think of germicidal warfare as an international crime when
 much of what you do in your kitchen is part of the same war.
%%
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions
of years of evolution
%%
It's hard to type when you gotta go Baaaad... ummmmm...
%%
iT's HArD tO tYPe WHilE HolDiNG a cAT...
%%
It's he and his Dancing Teeth!
%%
It's hell to work for a nervous boss, especially if you're why he's nervous!
%%
It's here at last! Rush job; nobody knew it was coming.
%%
IT'S HERE AT LAST .......... We've released a 26 week project in 48 weeks
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
It shew'd discretion, the best part of valour.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- A King and No King, Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty.
%%
It should be Hillary Ram-rod Clinton.
%%
It should be that simple, Wesley. Judging by her appearance, it is likely
  you and Salia are biologically compatible. Of course, there could be a
  difference in the histocompatibility complex if the cell membrane, but-
Data, I want to meet her, not dissect her.
 -- Data and Wesley, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
It shouldn't be too much of a surprise that the Internet has evolved
into a force strong enough to reflect the greatest hopes and fears
of those who use it.  After all, it was designed to withstand nuclear
war, not just the puny huffs and puffs of politicians and religious
fanatics.
 -- Denise Caruso (digital commerce columnist, New York Times)
%%
It shows a definite lack of originality to make the same mistakes over and
 over, when there are so many mistakes to be made yet, for the first time.
%%
It shows "us vs. them," and I'm on the "us" side.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
It shows "us vs. them," and I'm on the "us" side.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining the strategy behind
                   his twitting of "cultural elites."
                   (The Indianapolis Star, 6/14/92 - taken from the Quayle
                   Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
%%
It's immature and silly, but then again -- so is high school.
 -- Mathew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
%%
It's impolite to silence a fool and cruel to let him go on.
%%
It's important to remember that just because there are crooks, zealots
and morons supporting a position, it does not automatically follow
that the position is wrong.
 -- Jan D. Wolter
%%
Its important to use apostrophe's right.
 -- Writing Rule 13
%%
It's impossible to keep tabs on blondes, so use VISA!
%%
It's in an advanced stage of development...
%%
It's incredible how much intelligence is used in this world to prove
nonsense.
 -- Fredrich Hebbel
%%
It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like
 apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto the plains, where some
 were probably hit by cars.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you
don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either.
It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
 -- Oxford University Press, Edpress News
%%
It's, it's, it's a Dalek Attack!
 -- F. Mercury as a Whovian
%%
It's just a jump to the left and then a step to the right.
%%
It's just a jump to the left
  And then a step to the right.
Put your hands on your hips
    And pull your knees in tight.
It's the pelvic thrust
 That really gets you insa-a-a-a-ane

 LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!

 -- Rocky Horror Picture Show
%%
It's just a matter of time before we're late.
 -- Michael Walsh
%%
It's just his opinion...but he's wrong!
%%
It's just like life.  Only more so.
%%
Its(just(my(nesting(instinct(I(guess()))))));
%%
It's just so uninteresting to live without love.  Life has not risk.
Love just seems to make life not just livable, but a gallant, gallant
event.
 -- Toni Morrison
%%
... it's just what usually happens is propaganda from the right is perceived as
actuality, and propaganda from the left is perceived as propaganda...
 -- Art Spiegelman
%%
 "It's kinda funny. When I see my name anywhere, it's (often) the
'60's this or the '60's that. I can't figure out sometimes if people
think I'm dead or alive"
 -- Bob Dylan, 1985 interview
%%
It's Kinda Like A Symbiosis, But More Expensive...
%%
It's kind of fun to Consummate the Impossible.
%%
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
 -- Walt Disney
%%
It's Late. Go To Sleep.
%%
It's later than you think.
%%
It's later than you think, the joint Russian-American space mission
has already begun.
%%
It slices, it dices.
%%
It slices, it dices, it locks up Windows.
%%
It slices! It dices! It makes mounds and mounds
 of mouth-watering coleslaw!
%%
It's Lieutenant Flintstone.  He's Fred, Jim.
%%
It's life, Jim... but not as we know it.
 -- Spock
%%
It's like a beer commercial.
 -- Crow T. Robot.
%%
It's like brother Nietzsche said--being human is a
complicated gig, so give that dark night of the soul a hug
and howl the eternal yes.
%%
It's like deja-vu, all over again.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
It's like having Kim Bassinger and a cattle prod AT THE SAME TIME!
%%
It's like looking for a camel in a haystack.
%%
It's like nothing we've ever seen before, captain!
%%
It's like pissing your pants to keep yourself warm.
 -- Disparaging Danish engineering proverb describing short-term solutions
%%
Its like 'safe sex'....only SAFER!
%%
It's like signing a 356-page contract without knowing what's in it.
 -- On getting married
%%
It's like that story...'The Prince and the Porpoise'.
'...and the _Pauper_', sir.
Oh, yes, yes, 'The Prince and the Porpoise...and the Pauper'.
 -- George and Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
It's like the blonde leading the blonde...
%%
It's like The Knack and The Bay City Rollers being molested by Black
Flag and Black Sabbath.
 -- Kurt Cobain, lead singer and guitarist of Nirvana describing
 -- their group's musical style
%%
It's like the old pie-in-the-face routine:   it stops being funny when it
        starts being you.
 -- Stephen King, _The Stand_ (uncut)
%%
It's Like This

Even the samurai
have teddy bears,
and even the teddy bears
get drunk.
%%
It's like this in most marriages, the bride appears simply stunning and the
 broom, simply stunned.
%%
It's like those miserable Psalms...they're so depressing!
%%
It's like trying to find a fart in a jaccuzi.
 -- Lister
%%
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
%%
It's lots of fun to blow bubbles but it's wiser to prick them before
someone else tries to.
 -- Oswald Avery
%%
It's love, it's love that makes the world go round.
%%
It's Magic!: Sven Gali
%%
It's Marvin.  He called to wash his head at us.
%%
Its Mega Maid!  She's switched from 'suck' to 'blow'!
%%
It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
%%
It's men who make laws, and enforce them, and break them, and think
the whole performance is wonderful.  Most women would rather just
ignore them.
 -- Ursula K. Le Guin
%%
It's me speaking, not my company.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
It's me who said it, not my company.
 All information given without warranty on a best guess basis.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
It's Miller Time!
%%
It's mine! All mine!!!
 -- Donald Duck
%%
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

 -- Canada Bill Jone's Motto
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
 -- Supplement
%%
It's more a sort of electronic sulking machine.
%%
It's more than a reader.  It's a message base manager!
%%
Its more than good enough so I ain't switch'n.
%%
It's more than magnificent -- it's mediocre.
 -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
It's morning in An Tir, and it's not my fault!
%%
It's my birthday today! Hooray.
%%
It's my considered opinion that they're nestin'.
%%
It's my cookie file and if I come up with something that's lame and I like it,
it goes in.
 -- karl
%%
It's my decision, and I'm making it. Maybe.
%%
It's MY idea 'cause I stole it first!
%%
It's MY life, MY body, MY baby. I can kill it if I want to.
%%
It's my party and I'll Snubb who I want!
%%
It's my pen name, oh! Pseu, Pseu, Pseudonym!
%%
It's my understanding that one of the duties of the First Officer on a
  Klingon ship is to assassinate the Captain.
"Yes, sir. When and if the Captain becomes weak and unable to perform,
  it is expected that his honorable retirement should be assisted by his
  First. The Second Officer would assassinate you for the same reasons."
This method of attrition could take a little getting used to.
 -- Riker and Worf, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
Its never as easy as the manual says it is!
%%
It's never as easy as you think.
%%
It's never easy, rarely fun, and always expensive...
%%
It's never enough, never enough; it's never enough!!
%%
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
%%
It's NEW!  Malibu Barbie's torture chamber!
%%
It's nice to be important, but just as important to be nice.
%%
It's nice to be in a position where people apologize because they
assume there's humor in your work, based on past experience,
but they're not sure where it is.
 -- Rob Pike
%%
It's nice to be nice to the nice.
 -- Frank Burns, M*A*S*H
%%
It's nobody's business, not even mine.
%%
It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase
 As pretty as an airport appear.
 --  Douglas Adams
%%
"It's no longer a blue world, Max.  Where can we go?"
"Argentina?"
 -- Yellow Submarine
%%
It's no longer a crime bill, it's Bill's Crime.
%%
It's no longer a question of staying healthy.  It's a question of finding a
 sickness you like.
 -- Jackie Mason
%%
It's no longer socially acceptable to talk about rape as a crime of
 passion, boys; it's like making jokes about black people and
 watermelons.   Unless you're from the barefoot and pregnant school of
 social relations, you should have enough sensitivity to avoid
 discussing extremely unpleasant violent acts in a flippant manner in
 front of people who must live in fear of being potential victims, or
 who are likely acquaintances of actual ones.

 Jim Muller is of course an exception, because he's an artiste.
 -- Dave Touretzky
%%
Its no ordinary key tag, its my PPT. Time Trax
%%
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
 -- George Burns
%%
It's no sweat, Henry.   Russ made it back to Bugtown before he died.  So he'll
regenerate in a couple of days.  It's just awful sloppy of him to get killed in
the first place.  Humph!
 -- Ron Post, Post Brothers Comics
%%
It's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machin.
%%
It's not a BBS, but it plays one on TV.
%%
It's not a BBS, it's a concept.
%%
It's not a beer belly. It's a fuel tank for a sex machine.
%%
It's not a black or a white thing.  It's a death thing.
%%
It's not a bug, it's not a feature, it's an ENHANCEMENT.
%%
It's not a bug, it's our does-the-user-use-it feature.
%%
It's not a choice -- it's a child!
%%
It's not a dungeon--it's a fortified underground defense installation.
%%
It's not a matter of life or death, but what is?  What is?
%%
It's Not A Message.  I Think It's A Warning
 -- Ripley, Alien.
%%
It's not a Mystery Reader anymore.
%%
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
 -- Phil White
%%
It's not a person, damnit! It's a Borg!
%%
It's not a question of harm. One William Riker is...unique, perhaps
  even special. But a hundred of him, a thousand of him, diminishes
  me in ways I can't even imagine.
 -- Riker about cloning, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
It's not a stolen tagline, it's just "previously viewed."
%%
It's not a trick, it's a joke.
 -- SONY TV commercial   JTD

 --  Charles Chaplin for IBM.
%%
It's not a virus - it's been Windows
%%
It's not brain surgery.  It's not nuclear physics. It's television.
It's only television.
 -- Linda Ellerbee
%%
It's not broken because I haven't fixed it yet.
%%
It's not broken... it's just functionally challenged.
%%
It's NOT Burnt, It's well done!
%%
It's not by amusing oneself that one learns.
 -- Anatole France (1844-1924)
It's only by amusing oneself that one can learn.
 -- Edward Kasner and James R. Newman
%%
It's not called cocaine anymore. It's now referred to as "Crack Classic."
 -- Biliam Coronel
%%
It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.
 -- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
%%
It's not cute being this easy.
%%
It's not dark, it's just illuminally challenged.
%%
It's not denial. I'm just very selective about the reality I accept.
%%
Its not down. Its resting!
 -- dan, 1984
%%
It's not easy being a baby putty kat!
%%
It's not easy being a cast iron bitch. It takes years
of practice. Most people don't appreciate that.
%%
It's not easy being this cute.
%%
It's not easy for a night person to work days.
%%
It's not easy having a good time.
%%
Its not easy having a good time
 -- Dr. Frank'N'Furter
"Try Disneyland on acid!"
 -- The audience
%%
It's not easy having a good time; even smiling makes my face ache.
%%
It's not easy to play the clown when you've got to run the whole circus.
 -- Hawkeye's Conclusion
%%
"It's not enough knowing good from rotten..."
                                         "You're telling me."
"When something new pops up every day."
                                         "You're telling me!"
"It's only new, though, for now..."
                                                       "Nouveau!"
"But yesterday's forgotten..."
                           "...and tomorrow is already passe!"
"There's no surprise."
      "That is the state of the art, my friend!
      That is the state of the art!"
 -- Stephen Sondheim, SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE
%%
It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
 -- Alexander Korda
%%
It's not expensive to go to a fortune teller, they usually charge medium
 prices.
%%
It's not fear of striking out that makes me reluctant to step up to the
plate.  It's the fear of getting hit in the head by a 90 mph fastball, the
pitcher coming off of the mound to stomp me with her cleats while I am
down, the rest of the opposing team rushing out of the dugout hurling
insults as they kick me and spit on me, while all along the crowd in the
stands is cheering them on and laughing at my failure.  So, no, it's not
the fear of striking out that keeps me from stepping up to the plate.
 -- Jim Copeland
%%
It's not for me to say...
%%
It's not for you or I, Carruthers; nor for the regiment: it's for the Empire.
%%
It's not GEEK - it's SOCIALLY CHALLENGED, dammit!
%%
It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones
 on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put
 it on and really scare you.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
It's not hard to get the ideas when they come, they just come...it's
painful waiting for them.
 -- Warren Zevon
%%
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
%%
It's not hard to tell we was poor--when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on
 the clothesline.
 -- George "Goober" Lindsey
%%
It's nothing a warm-boot can't fix.
%%
It's not how deep you can plow, it's how long you can stay in the field.
%%
It's not how deep you fish it's how you wiggle your worm!
%%
It's not how hard it rains but how fast you drive.
%%
It's not how little you have, but how poorly you use it.
%%
It's not how long you make it, it's how you make it long.
%%
It's not how much money you make; it's how much you save that counts!
%%
It's not hungry (it's merely pinin' for the fjords). Besides, you
have have no bird seed.
%%
It's not ideal, but it works.
%%
It's not IF your hard drive crashes but WHEN!
%%
It's not impossible, just highly improbable.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
It's not in the manual !!!!!
%%
It's not just a BBS...it's an adventure.
%%
It's not just a computer     -- it's your ass.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
It's not just a hobby, it's an adventure!
%%
It's not just a job, it's a BBS.
%%
It's not just a phone line, it's $5.70 a month.
%%
It's not just a spaceship!  Its a transformer!
%%
It's not just reality that matters.
%%
It's not like Data to be so secretive.
And cautious. He's got that lab locked every minute.
Now how do you know that?
 -- Troi, Wesley, and Geordi, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
It's not line noise...it's ALIEN INVADERS!
%%
It's not lost, I'm just unsure of it's position.
%%
"It's not me I'm worried about... It's your mother...
Pining away her twilight years..."
"It's a terrible thing when a mother spends her old age
in a pine tree."
 -- Cerebus
%%
It's not me, my computer is illeterate.
%%
It's not my FAULT.
%%
It's NOT my fault!!!
 -- Han Solo (and a cast of thousands)
%%
It's not my Goddamn planet! Understand, Monkey-Boy?
 -- Buckaroo Banzai, played by Peter Weller
%%
It's not my planet monkeyboy.
%%
It's not necessarily the coldest woman that gets the fur coat.
%%
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.
%%
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature, and it doesn't look too good, either.
 Have you seen Tammy Faye Bakker recently?
%%
It's not nice to fool with Mother Daemon!!
%%
It's not nice to put the moderator on the twit list.
%%
It's not often that you get so much class entertainment outside your bedroom
window or outside your bedroom, period.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
It's not open for debate. This baby is coming.
 -- Keiko.
%%
It's not over until Milli Vanilli sings!
%%
It's not over until the final whistle blows.
%%
It's not peace I want, not mere contentment.  It's boundless joy and ecstasy
for me.
 -- Kugell
%%
It's not pinging.  It's passed on.  This program is no
more.  It's expired and gone to meet its make-r.  This is a
late program.  It's a stiff...  *This is an X program.*
%%
It's not plagiarism if you would have said it the
same way had you said it first.
 -- The Law of Imitation
It's not plagiarism if
you would have said it the same way had you said it first.
 -- Biden's Corollary to the Law of Imitation
%%
It's not poisonous.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
It's not pretty being easy!
%%
It's not procrastination, it's my new Just-In-Time Workload Management System!
%%
It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's
what you're taking for it...
%%
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
%%
It's not really ugly, it's human.
%%
It's no trick to make a lot of money, if all you want to do is make a lot
 of money.
 -- Everett Sloane (in Citizen Kane,
 screenplay by Herman Mankiewicz and Orson Welles)

 If you've got it, flaunt it!
 -- Zero Mostel (in The Producers, screenplay by Mel Brooks)
%%
It's not safe out here! It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate
  desires both subtle and gross...but it's not for the timid.
 -- Q, "Q-Who?", stardate 42761.3
%%
It's not safe to Save.
%%
It's not so hard to be married,
 When two maneuver as one;
 It's not so hard to be married,
 And, Jesus Christ, is it fun.
 -- Stephen Sondheim, COMPANY
%%
It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off
the ground.
 -- Daniel B. Luten
%%
It's not sport if you can talk afterwards.
%%
It's not that I disagree with Bush...I just think that he *is* the son of
Satan!Anyone is advertising or marketing?...Kill yourself. Now. No, I mean it,
really.
%%
It's not that I don't believe in the system--I don't
believe that there IS a system.
%%
 ... it's not that I don't suffer, it's that I know the unimportance of
suffering, I know that pain is to be fought and thrown aside, not to be
accepted as part of one's soul and as a permanent scar across one's
view of existence.
 -- John Galt
%%
It's not that I'm afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when
it happens.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
It's not that life is so short, it's that you're dead for so long.
%%
It's not that simple, no matter how you wish it so.  You made public
 statements from a position of false authority;  now you're having them
 shoved down your throat.  Welcome to netnews.
%%
It's not that simple. [the initial letter is heavily ornamented]
%%
It's not that they die, but that they die like sheep.
%%
It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are
 such fools.
%%
It's not the act but the word is the test...
%%
It's not the age - it's the mileage!
%%
It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole!
%%
It's not the cold, it's the lack of humidity.
 -- Charade
%%
It's not the drunken drivers who cause the trouble here; it's these young
 guys in their little German cars, switching lanes and giving each other
 the finger.
 -- Highway Patrolman in Santa Clara County
%%
It's not the fall that kills you, it's the impact on the rocks below.
%%
It's not the gay coat that makes the Gentleman.
 -- Proverb
%%
It's not the length, but the roundth!
%%
It's not the men in my life; it's the life in my men.
 -- Mae West
%%
It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
%%
It's not the quantity of the troop that's important, but the quality.
%%
It's not the shape, it's not the size, it's how many times you can
 make it rise.
%%
It's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean.
%%
It's not the size of the ship, it's the size of the waves.
 -- Little Richard
%%
It's not the size of your engine, it's the way you shift it.
%%
It's not the size of your sig, it's what you do with it
%%
It's not the Society for Compulsive Authenticity!
%%
It's not the tobacco we're after, it's the fire
%%
It's not the ups and downs of love, it's the ins and outs.
%%
It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips.
 -- Garfield
%%
It's not the world that's got so much worse but
 the news coverage that's got so much better.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
It's not the years--it's the mileage.
%%
It's not to control, but to protect the citizens of Singapore.  In our
society, you can state your views, but they have to be correct."
 -- Ernie Hai, coordinator of the Singapore Government Internet Project,
 -- explains his government's policy on (lack of) Internet access
%%
It's not to keep him from running off our property. It's to protect my
putting green.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle telling a guest at his house
                   why his dog, Breezy, wears a special collar that emits
                   a painful jolt of electricity should the dog try to
                   run away. (reported in the NY Daily News, 6/30/92 -
                   taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 92)
%%
It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one
 damn thing over and over.
 -- Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)
%%
It's not true that nice guys finish last.  Nice guys are winners before
the game even starts.
 -- Addison Walker
%%
It's not very flash but works OK.
%%
It's not what we don't know that gets us into trouble, it's what we know that
 ain't so.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Its not what you do, its the way that you do it.
%%
It's Not What You Know, But Who You Know.
%%
It's not what you know, it's what you think you know.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.
%%
It's not what you say, it's what I think you said.
%%
It's not what you see that is art. Art is the gap.
 -- Marcel Duchamp
%%
It's not what you write that counts, it's how it's read.
%%
It's not when you get up, but when you get down.
%%
It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up.
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how good you look playing!
 -- David Lee Roth
%%
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.
 -- Grantland Rice
%%
It's not who wins or loses, it's who keeps score.
%%
It's not worth it.  I'm going back to bed.
%%
It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree.
It's what you do with your life that counts.
 -- Millard Fuller, in "Time", 16 January 1989
%%
It's no use crying over spilt milk, because all the forces of the
universe were bent on spilling it.
 -- William Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
It's no use crying over spilt milk; it only makes it salty for the cat.
%%
It's NO USE..  I've gone to ``CLUB MED''!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
It's now tomorrow.
%%
It's OBVIOUS..  The FURS never reached ISTANBUL..  You were
 an EXTRA in the REMAKE of ``TOPKAPI''..  Go home to your
 WIFE..  She's making FRENCH TOAST!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that
English is the only major language in which I is capitalized; in many
other languages You is capitalized and the i is lower case.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
It's odd how sin must advertise in gaudy trappings. One would think
it would be darker, more discreet.
%%
It's odd that you can get so anesthetized to your
 own pain or your own problem that you don't quite
 fully share the hell of someone close to you.
 -- Lady Bird Johnson
%%
It's okay, Bob, the confusion, it's all in your mind.
%%
It's OKAY --- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it?
%%
It's okay to call someone stupid; just don't prove it.
%%
It's okay to hurt, it's okay to cry...
%%
It's okay to laugh in the bedroom, but don't point.
%%
It's okay to leave a party with a different Beer than you arrived with.
%%
It's okay to take apart a roll and look at it and see the little seeds
 in it.    But for some reason it's not okay to take apart a spleen...
 -- David Lynch
%%
It's OK for women to laugh at men, just don't point.
%%
It's OK, I'll pack on the plane.
 -- My Mom is off to London
%%
It's O.K., they're speaking Chinese.
%%
It's OK to do the right thing... as long as you don't get caught.
 -- The Lone Contractor
%%
It's OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.
%%
-It's OK to meet girl in park, but much better to park meat in girl!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
It's OK to prick your finger.  It's not OK to . . .
%%
It's OK to wait for your ship to come in, provided of course, that it was
 sent out in the first place.
%%
It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born.
 This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep
 your wits about you and borrow some money.
 -- Elinor Goulding Smith
%%
It sometimes seems as though we were trying to combine the ideal
of no schools at all with the democratic ideal of schools for everybody
by having schools without education.
 -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
%%
It's one small step for <trip, stumble><*CRASH*>...Dammit!!!
%%
It's only a game until you lose.
%%
It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a hobby.
%%
It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a -- NO, IT'S MY LIFE!!!
%%
Its only a macro, only a macro, only a macro...
%%
It's only at mid-life that a Betazoid female becomes...well...fully
  sexual if you know what I mean.
 -- Troi, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain
 what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.
 -- Roger Noe
%%
"It's only cheating, if you get caught".
 -- Al Bundy, Married with Children
%%
It's only cheating when you get caught!
%%
It's only fair to mention Wesley in a log entry, sir.
Fair is fair. And let's credit his science teacher, too.
 -- Riker and Picard, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
It's only gone wrong because of heavy cuts in staff and budget
which have streched supervisory resources beyond the limit.
 -- The Comprehensive Schools excuse
%%
It's only hopeless if you walk away.
%%
It's only my opinion, but it's better than yours.
%%
It's only words . . . unless they're true.
 -- David Mamet
%%
It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
 -- Calvin
%%
It's on that one, the 6th unlabeled floppy.
%%
It's on the other side.
 -- Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning
%%
It's on the other side.
 -- Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning
%%
It's OS/2, Jim, but not OS/2 as we know it.
%%
...it's people like you what cause unrest.
 -- Monty Python
%%
It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy.
%%
It's perfectly safe.  Let me show you.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
It's plain, nobody's perfect.
 -- Fee Waybill
%%
It's possible to fight intolerance, stupidity, and fanaticism
when they come separately.  When you get all three together
it's probably wiser to get out, if only to preserve one's
sanity.
 -- Adam Dalgliesh, in Devices and Desires, by P.D. James.
%%
It's possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well.
 -- Charles Bukowski
%%
It's possible to use karate against a swarm of plankton-
-but it won't help
%%
It's potato, not potatoe.
%%
It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and
feel angry [with picture of penguin]
%%
It's probably a bad day when, you find a dead fish in your underwear.
%%
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to
 the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you
 spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
It's probably treason! I'm too young to go to the Tower.
 -- Ace, Silver Nemesis, stories with flashbacks
%%
Its rabbit season. Its duck season.
%%
It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is...dead, Jim.
%%
It's raining like a bandit..
%%
It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
%%
It's rather a pity in a way. Now the universe is down to 699 wonders.
 -- Doctor, DEATH TO THE DALEKS
%%
It's real handy, havin' an Elder God in the band, eh?
 -- Post Brothers comics
%%
It's really good having an effulgent personality.
%%
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
%%
It's redundant!  It's redundant!
 -- R. E. Dundant
%%
It's Rodham Hood! She steals from everyone and gives to the gov't!
%%
It's running like a scalded dog!
%%
It's rural America.  It's where I came from.  We always refer to ourselves
as real America.  Rural America, real America, real, real, America.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle,  (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
It's sad when human debris like Kurt Cobain becomes a role model.
%%
It's sad when human debris like Madonna becomes a role model.
%%
It's sad when human debris like Sister Souljah becomes a role model.
%%
It's sad when human debris like Tupak Shakur becomes a role model.
%%
It's said that 'power corrupts', but actually it's  more true  that
power attracts the corruptible.  The sane are usually attracted by
other things than power.  When  they do  act,  they  think of it as
service, which has limits. The tyrant, though, seeks mastery, for
which he is  insatiable, implacable.
 -- David Brin, The Postman
%%
It's seven o'clock and I wanna rock wanna get a belly full of beer.
%%
It's shuffled off this mortal coil! It's joined the choir invisible!
%%
It's silly to go on pretending that under the skin we are all brothers. The
 truth is more likely that under the skin we are all cannibals, assassins,
 traitors, liars, hypocrites, poltroons.
 -- Henry Miller
%%
It's simple. It's just things with chalk on a board.
 -- Helmut Vogel, when asked to explain a physics
equation
%%
It's six o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your terminal to explode.
%%
It's slim pickings out there. When you're first single, you're so
 optimistic. At the beginning, you're like: I want to meet a guy who's
 really smart, really sweet, really good-looking, has a really great career
 ... Six months later, you're like: Lord, any mammal with a day job.
 -- Carol Leifer
%%
It's slower to do it quickly,
It's more expensive to do it cheaply,
And it's more democratic to do it in secret.
 -- The public servant's motto
%%
It's smarter to be lucky than it's lucky to be smart.
%%
It's smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces.
%%
It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose.
%%
It's so clean. It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
%%
It's so cold ... Father can't milk the cows by hand because he has to wear
 his wool mittens. This tickles the cows. They get hysterical and nothing
 comes out but cottage cheese.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
It's so easy to laugh
 It's so easy to hate
 It takes strength to be gentle and kind
 -- Morrissey
%%
It's so elegant that it's wrong.
%%
It's so loud I can hardly hear the voices in my head.
%%
It's someone else's fault!
%%
It's someone playing "Three Blind Mice" on the mouse organ.
%%
It's something of a tradition Guinan - the captain touring the ship before
  a battle.
Before a hopeless battle if I remember the tradition correctly.
Not necessarily, Nelson toured the HMS Victory before Trefalger.
But Nelson never returned from Trefalger.
No, but the battle was won.
 -- Picard & Guinan, "The Best of Both Worlds," stardate 43989.1.
%%
It's so much more friendly with two.
 -- Piglet, Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
It's sort of like define pornography. You know it when you see one. You
know a cultural elitist when you see one.
[Jim Lehrer: Who are they?]
They know who they are.
[Jim Lehrer: Yes, but WHO ARE they?]
You know and I know.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle describing who he is talking
                   about when he refers to the cultural elite, 6/19/92
                   The McNeil/Lehrer Report. (taken from the Quayle
                   Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
It's so simple to be wise.  Just think of something stupid to say
 and say the opposite.
 -- Sam Levenson
%%
It's so slow that FOR I=1 TO 2:NEXT I takes 6 weeks.
%%
It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
%%
Its Spaceball one! They've gone to plaid!
%%
It's spring in England. I missed it last year. I was in the bathroom.
 -- Michael Flanders
%%
It's Springtime!: Theresa Green
%%
It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC !
%%
It's still a mystery why three turn up at once.
%%
It's STILL not weird enough for me!!!
%%
It's such a little town our radio station can't identify itself. It's off
 the air now. Somebody tripped over the tower.
 -- Donna Jean Young
%%
It's sunning cats and dogs.
%%
It's supposed to rain today. Don't forget your rubbers.
%%
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
%%
It's tagline poker.  Can you beat EIGHT aces...?
%%
It stared back at me, Escher-like.
 --  David Aylesworth
%%
"It's ten-o'clock, do you care where your parents are?"
 -- Happy Harry (Christian Slater), Pump Up The Volume
%%
It's ten o'clock... Do you know where your AI programs are?
 -- Peter Oakley
%%
It's ten o'clock, do you know where your processes are?
%%
It's the 61st anniversary of Jack Benny's 39th birthday!
%%
It's the Atilla the Hun Show on BBC2!
%%
It's the battle of the wigwams and the fighting's intents.
%%
It's the best thing since professional golfers on 'ludes.
 -- Rick Obidiah
%%
It's the Borg!! Quick, everyone try to look useless!
%%
"It's the bottle against the bible in the battle for daddy's soul"
 -- Stupid country song titles #9
%%
It's the cats' house.  We just pay the mortgage.
%%
It's the criminals, Stupid!
%%
It's the custom of my people to help one another when we're in trouble.
 -- Kirk, "The Gamesters of Triskelion," stardate 3259.2.
%%
It's the early bird that gets the worm.
%%
It's the ecology, stupid!
%%
It's the empty can that makes the most noise.
%%
It's the end, but the moment has been prepared for.
%%
It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.
%%
It's the fallen women who are usually picked up.
%%
It's the goals that count.
%%
It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
%%
It's The Gophers And The Rabbits! They're Conspiring...
%%
It's the judiciary, Stupid!
%%
It's the last straw that breaks the camel's back.
%%
It's the magazine that tells the Tommies the _truth_ about the War.
...Or alternatively, the greatest work of fiction since laws of
  fidelity were included in the French marriage service...
 -- George and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
It's the majority of America that Conservatives oppose.
%%
It's the most pointless book since 'How to Learn French' was translated
  into French.
 -- Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
It's the most unhappy people who most fear change.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
It's the nexus of the crisis.
%%
It's the old dope peddler, spreading joy wherever he goes.
%%
It's the old, old story - 'droid meets 'droid, 'droid
becomes chameleon, 'droid loses chameleon, chameleon
turns into blob, 'droid gets blob back again, blob
meets blob, blob goes off with blob and 'droid loses
blob, chameleon and 'droid.
How many times have we seen that story?
%%
It's the one talent we all share -- even you....
 -- Avon
(on dying) to Vila.
%%
It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon.  Which
 raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody
 not to.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
It's the poor tool that blames its workman.
%%
It's the president, stupid!  (And vice versa.)
%%
It's the RINSE CYCLE!!  They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
It's the Rush to buy orange juice 1994!
%%
It's the same thing said Pooh.
%%
It's the things that nobody knows anything about that we can discuss...
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988)
%%
It's the thought, if any, that counts!
%%
IT'S THE TWO GODDAMNED CULTURES AGAIN !*! Bit-brained nerdery on one
 side, effete fin-de-siecle malaise on the other. And kingdoms of hybrid
 delight abandoned in the middle.
 -- Jonathan Burns, burns@latcs1.oz
%%
It's the Ugliness Men Mr. Horrible!
%%
It's the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
%%
It's [the world's] shape has the rounded appearance of a perfect
sphere.  This is shown first of all by the name of 'orb' which is
bestowed upon it by the general consent of mankind.  ...[O]ur eyesight
also confirms this belief, because the firmament pre
sents the aspect of a concave hemisphere equidistant in every direction,
which would be impossible in the case of any other figure.
 -- Gaius Plinius Secundus, Natural History, 77 A.D.
%%
It's the worst plan since Abraham Lincoln said, 'Oh, I'm tired of
  kicking around the house tonight. Let's go take in a show.'
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
It still brings to mind the question of what (if anything) can be done
 to show the media that 'cyberpunks' aren't just a bunch of pimple-faced
 geeks who sit around trying to break into bank computers or whatever.
 -- James Hartman (phaedrus@flatline.UUCP)

But cyberpunks *are* a bunch of pimple-faced geeks who sit around trying to
 break into bank computers or whatever.     Re-read _Neuromancer_ and apply the
 inverse James Bond transformation to Case and his cohorts.  They're all
 supposed to be totally out of shape, with their disdain for the `meat'.
 -- Peter da Silva (peter@sugar.hackercorp.com)
%%
...it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the
existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great
systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative
hypothesis of an extremely low order of probability.
 -- Sidney Hook
%%
It's time for a Baseball Fan strike.
%%
It's Time For NATIONAL REFERENDUMS Instead Of Politicians
%%
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle on the concept of a
                   manned mission to Mars.
%%
It's time for TRILL!  The game show where YOU'RE the host!
%%
It's time once again to "ask Dr. Science"!
 Remember, he knows MORE than you do.
%%
It's time to boot, do your boot ROMs know where your disk controllers are?
%%
It's time to get a new cookie file when you have some kind of deja-vu
when reading this cookie.  Alternatively, get a program with a better
random number generator.
 -- Yoshi
%%
It's time to go on a diet when the man from Prudential offers you group
 insurance. Or when you take a shower and you have to let out the shower
 curtain. Or when you're standing next to your car and get a ticket for
 double parking.
 -- Totie Fields
%%
It's time to shit or get off the fan.
%%
It's time you learned that freedom is never a gift.  It has to be earned.
 -- Kirk, "The Return of the Archons," stardate 3157.4.
%%
It stinks more every time you run over a skunk.
%%
It's too bad ignorance isn't painful.
%%
It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple
 as wild dogs.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
It's too dangerous with all of the @LN@ people around...
%%
It's too formal to ask for the vacuum cleaner.
You say "I'm choking the alligator."
%%
It stopped moving! Cook it!
%%
Its tough to battle the forces of weirdness when you're under 18 and
 your parents can still boss you around
 -- Marshall, "Who's Who", Eerie Indiana
%%
It's twelve feet tall with yellow eyes, and it wants to speak to you, SIR.
%%
It's, uh, it's strange. I left Gallifrey for similar reasons.
I'd grown tired of their lifestyle. [ It seems I must mend my ways.]
 -- Doctor, Resurrection of the Daleks
%%
It's Unfair!: Y. Me
%%
It's unfortunate that the process of learning is measured by one's
    performance on stressful exams. Armed with the same amount of knowledge,
    at a different time and different place, you could do very well or do
    very poorly. So, it is important that you do not feel depressed after
    an exam.
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
It's unsettling to discover that we're wrong.
%%
It surely doesn't say too much for society if gambling is the only way to
 raise money for a good cause.
%%
It's very hard for anything to make it out of Hollywood these days without a
 lame-ass wimpout ending tacked on at the whining request of test audiences
 selected from the most puerile of the Nielsen families, who are, as we all
 know, chosen on the basis of the number of cousin-cousin marriages in their
 family over the last ten generations.
 -- Nix Thompson (nix@sgi.com)
%%
It's very healthy for a young girl to be deterred from promiscuity by fear
 of contracting a painful, incurable disease, or cervical cancer, or sterility,
 or the likelihood of giving birth to a dead, blind, or brain-damage [sic] baby
 even ten years later when she may be happily married.
 -- Phyllis Schlafly
%%
It's [war is] instinctive.  But the instinct can be fought. We're
  human beings with the blood of a million savage years on our hands!
  But we can stop it.  We can admit that we're killers...but we're not
  going to kill today.  That's all it takes!  Knowing that we're not
  going to kill today!
 -- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon," stardate 3193.0.
%%
It's what inside you, not the outside that counts.
%%
It's what you can't see that can kill you.
%%
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
 -- Johm Wooden, Basketball coach
%%
It's when they say 2 + 2 = 5 that I begin to argue.
 -- Eric Pepke
%%
It's who you look like, not who you are.
%%
It 's wiser being good than bad;
  It 's safer being meek than fierce;
It 's fitter being sane than mad.
  My own hope is, a sun will pierce
The thickest cloud earth ever stretched;
  That after Last returns the First,
Though a wide compass round be fetched;
  That what began best can't end worst,
  Nor what God blessed once prove accurst.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Apparent Failure, vii
%%
It's wise to know enough to not know too much.
%%
It's wonderful just to be alive.
%%
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
It's wonderful to be here, it's certainly a thrill...
%%
It's Woody Allen's fault, he had said, squeezing his bottle of Rolling Rock
 as if it were a hand grip.    He had to go and ruin romantic love for all the
 rest of us for all time with his goddamn lobsters.
 -- Ann Beattie
%%
It's worse than that, he's dead Jim.
%%
It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim!
%%
It's worth scheming to be the bearer of good news.
 -- Fox on Yesmanship
Don't be in the building when bad news arrives.
 -- Corollary
%%
It's wrong to create a whole race of humans to live as slaves.
 -- Number One, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown.
%%
It's you and me against the world! When do we attack?
%%
It's *your* baby. Don't call me if the fit hits the shan!
%%
It's your life, do what you want.
%%
It's your mind, think what you want.
%%
It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you should be.
%%
It takes 2.0, baby, it takes 2.0...
%%
It takes 27 seconds to cut through a pizza with an oxyacetylene torch.
%%
It takes 40 dumb animals to make a fur coat, but only one to wear it.
 -- Greenpeace
%%
It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one
to keep his mouth shut when he's right.
 -- Jim Fiebig
%%
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
It takes about 10 years to get used to how old you are.
 -- Raymond A. Michel
%%
It takes a brave man to admit his mistakes.
 Especially in a paternity hearing.
%%
It takes a great man to be a good listener.
 -- Arthur Helps
%%
It takes a heap of liver to make a dog a home.
 -- Fibber McGee (Jim Jordan)
%%
It takes all kinds of people to make a world, but did
you ever think the percentages were wrong?
%%
It takes all sorts of in & out-door schooling to get adapted
to my kind of fooling.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 780
%%
It takes a long time to grow on an old friend.
 -- John Leonard
%%
It takes a long time to understand nothing.
 -- Edward Dahlberg
%%
It takes a long word to retard spoilage.
%%
It takes a lot to buzz a pro.
 -- Charles Bukowski
%%
It takes a magician to get a rabbit out of a hat; but any fool can
let the cat out of a bag.
%%
It takes a mighty good man to be better than none at all.
%%
It takes a modem to run a baudy house.
%%
It takes a Real Man to sit indoors all day doing this.
%%
It takes a smart man to know when he's stupid.
 -- Barney Rubble
%%
It takes a smart person to know that the person is stupid.
%%
It takes a special kind of courage to face what we all have to face.
%%
It takes a strong person to swim against the current. Any dead fish can
 float with it.
%%
It takes a sweet little bullet from a pretty blue gun to put those scarlet
 ribbons in your hair.
 -- Tom Waits,Blue Valentine
%%
It takes a very long time to become young.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant.
%%
It takes a wise man to discover a wise man.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Xenophanes, iii
%%
It takes a wise man to handle a lie; a fool had better remain honest.
 -- Norman Douglas
%%
It takes a wise man to recognize a wise man.
 -- Xenophanes
%%
It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
%%
It takes both rain and sunshine to make a Rainbow.
%%
It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.
%%
It takes courage to innovate, not imitate.
%%
It takes everyone to make a happy day.
 -- Marcy Kay Rumsfeld
%%
It takes less time to do a thing right than explain why you did it wrong.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design
exactly.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
It takes money to waste money
 -- Jon Benton
%%
It takes more brains and effort to make out your income tax forms correctly
 than it does to make the income you are reporting.
%%
It takes scratch to go to a dermatologist.
%%
It takes someone with the intelligence of a vending machine to argue with one.
%%
It takes some work to lose weight, or to use the power of positive shrinking.
%%
It takes steam work as well as team work to win.
%%
It TAKES that many IBMs to match the productivity of 5 million Amigas.
%%
 It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good
 food into shit. It only takes Denny's 10 minutes.
 -- In the men's room at a Denny's restaurant
%%
It takes two fingers to lift a pebble.
 -- Phil Jackson, Zen Master Head
Coach of the Chicago Bulls on the necessity of teamwork.
%%
It takes two to make a bargain.
%%
It takes two to make a marriage: a girl and her mother.
%%
It takes two to speak the truth--one to speak
and the other to hear.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
It takes vision and courage to create--it takes faith and courage to prove.
 -- Owen D. Young
%%
It tasted so good the first time, I brought it back up for an encore.
%%
It ["The Ancient Mariner"] is marvellous in its mastery over that
delightfully fortuitous inconsequence that is the adamantine logic
of dreamland.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Coleridge
%%
It [the Bible] is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and
some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good
morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Letters from the Earth (1905-1909)
%%
It took 300 years to build and by the time it was 10% built,
everyone knew it would be a total disaster. But by then the investment
was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it has
cost a fortune to maintain and is still in danger of collapsing.
There are at present no plans to replace it, since it was never
really needed in the first place.
I expect every installation has its own pet software which is
analogous to the above.
 -- Kenneth E. Iverson commenting on the Leaning Tower of Pisa
%%
"It took a hell of a man to take my Ann,
but it sure didn't take him long"
 -- Stupid country song titles #1
%%
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but
 I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
It took me years to write, won't you take a look?
%%
It took my cat a month to fully train me.
%%
It took no computation to dance to the rock 'n roll station.
 -- Velvet Underground
%%
It took so long but I found out, what it means to be down and out.
%%
It took yo momma 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt
get used to the front seat!
%%
It turned out that the worm exploited three or four different holes in the
 system. From this, and the fact that we were able to capture and examine some
 of the source code, we realized that we were dealing with someone very sharp,
 probably not someone here on campus.
 -- Dr. Richard LeBlanc, associate professor of ICS, quoted in The Technique,
        Georgia Tech's newspaper, after the computer worm hit the Internet
%%
It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of
order -- and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order.
 -- Douglas Hostadter
%%
I tucked my heart away, I didn't need it, I didn't want it. At the
  negotiating table...it can be fatal to have a heart. But I never
   realized how much I need mine until I looked at you.
 -- Devinoni Rai to Troi, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
I turn away with fright and horror from the lamentable evil of functions which
do not have derivatives.
 -- Charles Hermite
%%
I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold outside.
 The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees
 today,' and I said 'Oops.'
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I turned on my computer, and the screen is still black. Where do
I get a new light bulb?
 -- Novice Computer User
%%
I turn on my television set.  I see a young lady who goes under the guise
of being a Christian, known all over the nation, dressed in skin-tight
leather pants, shaking and wiggling her hips to the beat and rythm of the
music as the strobe lights beat their patterns across the stage and the
band plays the contemporary rock sound which cannot be differentiated from
songs by the Grateful Dead, the Beatles, or anyone else.  And you may try
to tell me this is of God and that it is leading people to Christ, but I
know better.
 -- Jimmy Swaggart, hypocritical sexual pervert and TV preacher,
 -- self-described pornography addict,
 -- "Two points of view: 'Christian' rock and roll.",
 -- The Evangelist, 17(8): 49-50
%%
I turn undead poets with holy symbolism.
%%
It used to be said "As American as apple pie." Now, thanks to the NRA, we
 can say "As American as an AK-47."
%%
It used to be so easy...
%%
It used to be that death and taxes alone were inevitable.  Now there's
shipping and handling.
 -- Bert Murray, "The Wall Street Journal"
%%
It used to be that people needed products to survive.
Now products need people to survive.
 -- Nicholas Johnson
%%
It used to be wine, women & song. Now it's beer, the old lady & TV.
%%
It usually takes a long time to find a shorter way.
%%
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
It warms me, it charms me, To mention but her name; It heats me,
it beats me, And set me a' on flame.
 -- Burns
%%
It was 20 years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.
%%
It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead.
 -- Dame Rose Macaulay
%%
It was a common saying among the Puritans, "Brown bread and the Gospel
is good fare."
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Isaiah xxx
%%
It was a common saying of Myson that men ought not to investigate
things from words, but words from things; for that things are not
made for the sake of words, but words for things.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Myson, iii
%%
It was a custom with Apelles, to which he most tenaciously adhered,
never to let any day pass, however busy he might be, without exercising
himself by tracing some outline or other,--a practice which has now
passed into a proverb.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xxxv, Sect. 84
%%
It was a dark and stormy byte...
%%
It was a dark and stormy night...
%%
It was a dark and stormy night.    -- Not a very promising beginning.
It'll get better.
 -- Picard & Troi, The Royale,    stardate 42625.4.
%%
It was a dark and stormy night; well, actually it was dark, partly
cloudy with a 50% of rain; maybe it was more like clear, with the
moon shining; now that I think about it, it was sunny, warm, with
slight northeasterly breeze.
%%
It was a drive-by fruiting
 -- Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire
%%
It was a favourite expression of Theophrastus that time was the most
valuable thing that a man could spend.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Theophrastus, x
%%
It was a' for our rightfu' King
  We left fair Scotland's strand.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- A' for our Rightfu' King
%%
It was a game of three halves.
%%
It was a good campaign contribution to Bill Clinton, but he gets a lot of
contributions from Hollywood.  We're making great progress with Hollywood.
I am convinced because of my speech of several months ago on the poverty of
values in this country that Hollywood will begin to reflect our values better.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, when asked about the season
                   opener of the television sitcom, "Murphy Brown," while
                   ay the Texas Medical Center in Houston.
                   (Reported by UPI, 9/92)
%%
It was a great shot, if it had gone in the net it would have been a goal.
%%
It was a hard drive... I had to reboot my car with cold boot.
%%
It was a hard fight, but you lost.
%%
It was a high speech of Seneca (after the manner of the Stoics), that
"The good things which belong to prosperity are to be wished, but
the good things that belong to adversity are to be admired."
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Adversity
%%
It was a JOKE!!  Get it??  I was receiving messages
 from DAVID LETTERMAN!!  YOW!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
It was a little town--when I was a kid we used to play Monopoly on it.
 -- Donna Jean Young
%%
It was all so different before everything changed.
 -- LAMAR'S LAMENT
%%
It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been
always thus.
 -- Dean Lattimer
%%
It was alway yet the trick of our English nation, if they have a good
thing to make it too common.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
It was a mighty while ago.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Every Man in his Humour, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
It was a mistake, I never should have picked human. I knew it the moment
  I said it. To think of a future in this shell. Forced to cover myself
  with a fabric because of some outdated human morality. To say nothing
  of being too hot or too cold, growing feeble with age, losing my hair,
  catching a disease, being ticklish, sneezing, having an itch, a pimple,
  bad breath...having to BATHE.
Too BAD!
 -- Q and Worf, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
"It was a mutual parting of the ways.  We gave him the freedom to
do what he wanted to do."
"What was that?"
"Drink himself to death."
 -- The Cowboy Wally Show
%%
It was an adult who did it.
 -- Wesley, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
It was an amiable weakness.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- School for Scandal, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
It was a nice place to visit, Number One, but I wouldn't want to die
  there.
 -- Picard about the Holodeck, "The Big Goodbye", stardate 41997.7
%%
It was a night like this, 40 million years ago.
%%
It was an unfortunate lapse by an individual which has now been
dealt with under internal disciplinary proceedings.
 -- The Charge of the Light Brigade excuse
%%
It was a painful divorce--I lost the games!
%%
It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The
 Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies.
 -- Edith Hamilton, "The Greek Way"
%%
It was a saying of Demetrius Phalereus, that "Men having often abandoned
what was visible for the sake of what was uncertain, have not got
what they expected, and have lost what they had,--being unfortunate
by an enigmatical sort of calamity."
 -- Athenaeus (c. 200 AD)
 -- The Deipnosophists, vi, 23
%%
It was a saying of his that education was an ornament in prosperity
and a refuge in adversity.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
It was a saying of the ancients, "Truth lies in a well;" and to carry
on this metaphor, we may justly say that logic does supply us with
steps, whereby we may go down to reach the water.
 -- Dr. I. Watts
%%
It was as bad as being up a creek in a barbed wire canoe.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
It was as colourful as a black hole...
%%
It was as dark as the inside of a cabinet minister....
%%
It was asleep. (Ermine don't usually eat while they are sleeping.)
You You upset it and it bit you. I have a band-aid, but you won't
be be able to carry as many things as before.
%%
It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign
 and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night
 drugstore closed at noon.
 -- Jackie Vernon
%%
It was as small as the hope in a dead man's eyes.
%%
It was a stark and dormy night ...
%%
It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set
foot.
%%
It was a worthwhile experiment now abandoned, but not before
it provided valuable data and considerable employment.
 -- The Concorde excuse
%%
It was casual to the most obvious observer..
%%
It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
 -- Mark Twain, spoken by Huck Finn, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
%%
It was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the
 Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.
 -- Finley Peter Dunne
%%
It was founded upon a rock.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 25
%%
It was hard to have a conversation with anyone, there were so many
people talking.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
It was in making education not only common to all, but in some sense
compulsory on all, that the destiny of the free republics of America
was practically settled.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- New England Two Centuries ago
%%
It was in search of better living conditions that man left caves and built
 houses. Now, with payments for a house running up to $ 1200 a month, it may
 well be that the banks drive dwellers back to the caves.
%%
It was just a job.  It wasn't any special interest in consumer affairs.
I needed a paycheck and the Attorney General said that I would be best
to go down there, because he knew I was anti-consumer.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle and talking about his job as
                   Chief investigator, consumer protection division of the
                   Indiana Attorney General's office from 1970-1971
%%
It was just dumb luck that Unix managed to break through the Stupidity Barrier
 and become popular in spite of its inherent elegance.
 -- gavin@krypton.sgi.com
%%
It was like french kissing an electrical outlet...
%%
It was like spit-shining a car battery...
%%
It was like the time I stapled bologna to my face...
%%
It was love at first sight. Then I took a GOOD look at @FN@.
%%
It was necessary to destroy the village in order to save it.
 -- U. S. Army Commander, Vietnam
%%
It was not all that far back that a floppy disk was a phonograph record
 left too long in the sun.
%%
It was not for nothing that the raven was just now croaking on my left hand.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Aulularia, Act iv, Sc. 3, 1, (624.)
%%
It was not like taking the veil.  No solemn adjuration of the world. I only
went out for a walk and finally decided to stay till sundown.  For going out
I found that I was really going in.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
It was not until I attended a few postmortems that I realized that
even the ugliest exteriors may contain the most beautiful viscera,
and was able to console myself for the facial drabness of my neighbors
in omnibuses by dissecting them in my imagination.
 -- J. B. S. Haldane
%%
It wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.
 -- Wilkes, 1949
%%
It wasn't broken..until I started playing with it!
%%
It wasn't lies.   It was just bullshit, that's all.
 -- Elwood Blues
%%
It wasn't me...it was my EVIL twin!
%%
 It wasn't my fault!   Really it wasn't!  An old friend came in out of
town!  The car ran out of gas!  I got a flat tire!  I didn't have enough money
for cab fare!  The tux didn't come back from the cleaners!  There was an
earthquake!  A terrible flood!  Locusts!  IT WASN'T MY FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD!!!
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
It wasn't my fault your wife wandered into my house!
%%
It wasn't raining when Noah Built the ark.
 -- Howard Ruff, business consultant
%%
It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly.  It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
%%
It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak,
and then decide not to say it after all.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a
breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was
broken ...
 -- James Dent
%%
It was pity stayed his hand.
"Pity I don't have any more bullets," thought Frito.
 -- _Bored_of_the_Rings_, a Harvard Lampoon parody of Tolkein
%%
It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.   Perhaps
I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it.  I
don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and
the signature (which I guessed at).  There's a singular and a perpetual
charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its
novelty .... Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but
yours are kept forever -- unread.  One of them will last a reasonable
man a lifetime.
 -- Thomas Aldrich
%%
It was real useful....as a paperweight.
%%
It was revealed this week that the Contras are breaking up, because one of
 them is dating Yoko.
 -- Dennis Miller, SNL Weekend Update
%%
It was so cold, I almost got married.
%%
It was so hot I seen a cow lying on her back giving herself a shower.
 -- Homer Haynes
%%
It was so tangible I could almost reach out and touch it.
%%
It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up.
%%
It was such a small town we didn't even have a village idiot. We had to
 take turns.
 -- Billy Holliday
%%
It was SUPPOSED to be a surprise.
%%
It was that fatal and perfidious bark,
Built in th' eclipse, and rigg'd with curses dark.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 100
%%
It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines.
%%
It was the best of taglines, it was the worst of taglines.
%%
It was the best of times; it was the worst of times;
it was the age of foolishness; it was the age of wisdom.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870), A tale of Two Cities
%%
It was the calm and silent night!
  Seven hundred years and fifty-three
Had Rome been growing up to might,
  And now was queen of land and sea.
No sound was heard of clashing wars,
  Peace brooded o'er the hushed domain;
Apollo, Pallas, Jove, and Mars
  Held undisturbed their ancient reign
      In the solemn midnight,
          Centuries ago.
 -- Alfred Domett (1811-)
 -- Christmas Hymn
%%
It was the dawn of the Third Age of Mankind.
%%
It was the dumbest thing I had ever seen, but it's a family thing,
and I guess it's clean.
 -- Barbara Bush re: THE SIMPSONS
%%
It was the Law of the Sea, they said.    Civilization ends at the waterline.
 Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
        It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east
laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers.  The
thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle,
nursing a whopper.  Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the rest rode by him, praying
for their fate to be quick, painless, and if possible, someone else's.
  Many an hour the armies forged ahead, the war-merinos bleating
under their heavy burdens and the soldiers bleating under their melting
icepacks.
 -- The Harvard Lampoon, Bored of the Rings
%%
It was the owl that shriek'd, the fatal bellman,
Which gives the stern'st good-night.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
It was the right thing to do. We had no choice.    We are, after all,
  professionals.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
It was the saying of Bion, that though the boys throw stones at frogs
in sport, yet the frogs do not die in sport but in earnest.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Which are the most crafty, Water or Land Animals? 7
%%
It was the second day in the Army. The rookie missed mother and home. He
 wanted loving-kindness, but the sergeant didn't give it to him. They lined
 up and he turned to another recruit and whispered, "I've got a good mind to
 tell that sergeant off again."

 "What do you mean, again?" the other asked.

 "I had a good mind to tell him off yesterday too."
 -- Lew Lehr
%%
It was unexpexted because it happened at a time when we didn't
 think it would.
%%
It was unintelligible at any speed we played it.
 -- A US Government report investigating possible bad words in "Louie Louie"
%%
It was very horrible to go mad and know that you were going mad --
to know that in a little minute you would be here physically and
yet all the real essence would be dead and drowned in the black
madness.
%%
I twaught I twall a pussy cat, I did!  I did!
%%
It went *ZAP* when it fired.
%%
It were a journey like the path to heaven,
To help you find them.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 303
%%
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck,
and he cast into the sea.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xvii, 2
%%
It were better to perish than to continue schoolmastering.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
It will be advantageous to cross the great stream ... the Dragon is on the wing
in the Sky ... the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.
%%
It will be a happy day when our school have adequate funding
and the Air Force holds a bake sale to purchase a bomber.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
It will be generally found that those who sneer habitually at human
nature and affect to despise it, are among its worst and least pleasant
examples.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was
an event that could will have been taken place in the future.
 -- Red Dwarf 'Future Echoes'
%%
It will be of little avail to the people that the laws are made by
men of their own choice, if the laws be so voluminous that they cannot
be read, or so incoherent that they cannot be understood; if they
be repealed or revised before they are promulgated, or undergo such
incessane changes that no man who knows what the law is today can
guess what it will be tomorrow.
 -- The Federalist, No. 62
%%
It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
%%
It will discourse most eloquent music.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
It will grieve me so to the heart, that I shall cry my eyes out.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
It will not out of the flesh that is bred in the bone.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. viii
%%
It will tell us.
 -- Barry Kort
%%
It won't be covered in the book.   The source code has to be useful for
something, after all...  :-)
 -- Larry Wall in <10160@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
%%
It won't work--I told Orville that, I told Wilbur that,
and I'm telling you now!
%%
It won't work.
 -- Jenkinson's Law
%%
It Won't Work!: Mel Function
%%
It works better if you plug it in.
 -- Sattinger's Law
%%
It works better if you plug it in THEN turn it on!
%%
It works better if you plug it in. Unless it's the cat.
%%
It works better when you turn the brightness up.
%%
It works fine except when I am in Windows.
%%
It works fine, provided you _want_ things to explode upon arrival.
%%
It works! Now, if only I could remember what I did...
%%
It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to
 achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such
 statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years.
 -- John Von Neumann (ca. 1949)
%%
It would be absurd to leave the Suez Canal and the Panama Canal to the
unfettered control of the populations through whose territory they pass.
%%
It would be an absurdity for jurors to be required to accept the judge's
view of the law, against their own opinion, judgement, and conscience.
 -- John Adams
%%
It would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good
jest for ever.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
It would be a serious mistake to replace a seasoned statesman with a
temperamental tycoon who has no respect for the constitution.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle giving his opinion about
                   Ross Perot's presidential campaign (June 1992)
%%
It would be a swell world if everybody was as pleasant as the fellow who's
 trying to skin you.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
It would be illogical to assume that all conditions remain stable.
 -- Spock, "The Enterprise" Incident," stardate 5027.3
%%
It would be illogical to kill without reason.
 -- Spock, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.4.
%%
It would be naive to think that the problems plaguing mankind today
can be solved with means and methods which were applied or seemed
to work in the past. . .
 -- Mikhail Gorbachev (1988)
%%
It would be nice if entropy could be used for something constructive.
%%
It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing
warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or
two things still safe to eat.
 -- Robert Fuoss
%%
It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
%%
[It would be safer] never to participate in anything in the future
without consulting the American Legion or your local Chamber of Commerce.
 -- Martin Dies (1900-?)
%%
It would be stupid to be shot up by our own allies....
 -- Avon
Not only stupid -- painful....
 -- Vila
%%
It would be well, if some who have taken upon themselves the ministry of the
Gospel, that they would first preach to themselves, then afterwards to others.
 -- Cardinal Pole
%%
It would have worked, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids and
their fucking dog!
%%
It would never work.  I'm Aquarius and you're ridiculous.
%%
It would not be civilized.
%%
It would seem that evil retreats when forcibly confronted.
 -- Yarnek of Excalbia, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.5.
%%
It would seem that no matter how you slice it, it still comes up Velveeta.
%%
It would seem that you have actually improved on yourself, Data.
Is that not the goal of every parent?
 -- Picard & Data, "The Offspring," stardate 43657.0.
%%
It would suck to be a vampire.
%%
It would talk,--
Lord! how it talked!
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Scornful Lady, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
I typed Format COM1: and accidentally killed a telephone operator!
%%
I typed this tagline on a 486 laptop at lunch in a "Rush room."
%%
I type, therefore I am!
%%
IU: Ignore User[s]
%%
I understand a fury in your words,
But not the words.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
I understand cats, men are the mystery!
%%
I understand cats, women are the mystery!
%%
I understand life and the universe. Cats are beyond me.
%%
I understand "stressed."  It's "desserts" backwards.
%%
I understand that CalTrans (California Department of Transportation)
is going to be laying off large numbers from their road crews.

It seems someone has invented a shovel that will stand up by itself.
%%
I understand the answers, the questions throw me.
%%
I understood 3/4 of it and, when pressed, came up with a reasonable comment.
%%
I upgraded my network last night.  I bought new Nikes!
%%
I urge you, Captain Picard, surrender. Consider the men and women you
  would lead into a lost cause.
If the cause is just and honorable, they are prepared to give their lives.
  Are you prepared to die today, Tomalak?
 -- Tomalak and Picard, "The Defector", stardate 43462.5
%%
I urge you to study our record and vote Labour.
 -- William McMahon.
%%
I use a limited version of Intel's Pentium for my writing work: A pen!
%%
I use Amiga and I don't care who knows!
%%
I use Dratted Old System 6.2; why?
%%
I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I used to be a-feared of Witches, Now I are one.
%%
I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the
 HIGH RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I
 lost my mind.
 -- Steve Allen
%%
I used to be a liberal.  Then I grew up.
%%
I used to be a lot longer than this.
%%
I used to be amused. Now I'm just bored.
%%
I used to be amused. Now I'm just disgusted.
%%
I used to be an adult before I grew up.
%%
I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
%%
I used to be an airline pilot.  I got fired because I kept locking the keys in
 the plane.  They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coathanger.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I used to be an idealist, but I got mugged by reality.
%%
I used to be a schizophrenic, but now I'm lonely.
%%
I used to be a sci fi fan. Then I started living it.
%%
I used to be a short, fat, bald, 40 year old man,
but I'm all right now.
 -- Some Guy
%%
I used to be a virgin. I gave it up because there was no money in it.
 -- Marsha Warfield
%%
I used to be computer illiterate - then I dumped Windoze.
%%
I used to be conceited, but gave it up.  I'm perfect now.
%%
I used to be crazy.  Now I'm a sysop.
%%
I used to be disgusted; now I try to be amused.
 -- Ken Small
%%
I used to be forgetful - I don't remember how long ago.
%%
I used to believe Heisenberg, but now I'm not so sure.
%%
I used to belong to a solipsism club, but I got bored
and voted everyone else out
%%
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
%%
I used to be normal, then I got my computer...
%%
I used to be normal, then I joined this conference!
%%
I used to be sane, but I got better.
%%
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
%%
I used to be self-actualized, now I'm just confused.
%%
I used to be Snow White but I drifted.
 -- Mae West (1892-1980)
%%
I used to bulls-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home....
%%
I used to call [Count Basie] one of my lawyers. He would give me such
 beautiful advice. And he would phrase that advice into these little
 sayings. One saying of Count Basie's that I'll always remember pertains to
 when my husband and I broke up. Basie said, It's just like a toothache. It
 hurts now, but if you take that tooth out, you'll miss it but you'll feel
 better.
 -- Ella Fitzgerald
%%
I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it
 so the little got more and more
 -- Guns 'n Roses
%%
I used to eat while I was in the supermarket. I guess I didn't consider it
 stealing 'cause I took it out inside my body.
 -- Arsenio Hall
%%
I used to envy the father of our race, dwelling as he did in contact with
the new-made fields and plants of Eden; but I do so no more, because I have
discovered that I also live in "creation's dawn." The morning stars still
sing together, and the world, not yet half made, becomes more beautiful
every day.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
   I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them.
   I realised that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak
   ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity.
   With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and
   inpenetrable fog !
 -- Calvin Feb 11, 1993
%%
I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money.
%%
I used to have a handle on life, then DOS closed it...
%%
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
%%
I used to have a job at a lake. I taught
 young fish how to all turn at the same time.
%%
I used to have a job in the Kotex factory. I thought I was makin'
 mattresses for mice.
 -- Ray Scott
%%
I used to have a life, but I liked mail-reading so much better.
%%
I used to have a Life. Now I have a girlfriend?
%%
I used to have a life. Now I have RelayNet.
%%
I used to have a life. Now I have windows 3.0
%%
I used to have a life, then I got an HST !
%%
I used to have a life, then I got v32bis!
%%
I used to have a life, then I started watching hockey games.
%%
I used to have a life, then my husband got the modem!
%%
I used to have a mind. Now I have a child.
%%
I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed...
%%
I used to have a psychic girlfriend but she dumped me before we met.
%%
I used to have a savings account - now I have a computer system.
%%
I used to have a Tandy, but I got better!
%%
I used to have money in the bank ... now I have a BBS.
%%
I used to have peace of mind, now I have kids.
%%
I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.
%%
I used to live about an hour's drive outside of New York. Twenty minutes if
 you walked.
 -- Mike Guido
%%
I used to live for sex.  Now I'd die for some.
%%
I used to live in a house by the freeway.  When I went anywhere, I had to be
going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I used to live in the real world, but I got evicted.
%%
I used to love anchovies until I realized they were
like eating an eyebrow. Now they just aren't the same.
%%
I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up.  I couldn't find tractors
 small enough to fit it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I used to read books.  Now I read .QWK files.
%%
I used to read messages online, but now I have a life!
%%
I used to really adore women, but now I've decided
they really aren't much nicer than men.
 -- Norman Mailer
%%
I used to sell life insurance. But life insurance is really strange. It's a
 weird concept. You really don't get anything for it. It works like this:
 You pay me money. And when you die, I'll pay you money.
 -- Bill Kirchenbauer
%%
I used to smoke marijuana, but that was when I was in college, before it
was a drug.
 -- J. Danforth Quayle
%%
I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser.
%%
I used to suffer from apathy.....now I can't be bothered!
%%
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird.  Now I know
that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
 -- Paul McCartney
%%
I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair.  Then I thought,
 wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible
things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?  So,
now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of
the universe.
 -- Marcus, Babylon 5
%%
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
 -- from "Pirates of Penzance", by Gilbert & Sullivan
%%
I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was
needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself
as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged.)
Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged.
I still don't have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.
 -- Jules Feiffer (1965)
%%
I used to think that seniority was a terrible thing when I didn't have
any.
 -- Senator Robert Dole, in interview on CNBC.
%%
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
body.   Then I realized who was telling me this.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I used to think the mind was the most important part of a
person.  Then I realized what part of me is telling me that.
%%
I used to trust the media to tell me the truth.
%%
I used to use QEdit! but now it's SLME for me!
%%
I used to watch TV, then I bought a modem.
%%
I used to wonder about the meaning of life.
But I looked it up in the dictionary under L and there it was,
the meaning of life. It was less than I expected.
 -- Dogbert
%%
I used to work at a health food store. I got
 fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
%%
I used to work for the Sun Hotline but i'm all right now!! :-)
%%
I used to work in a bakery as a pilot ... I used to take the bread from one
 corner and pile it in the other.
 -- Curly Howard
%%
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.
 You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I used to worry about what life was for - now being alive
seems sufficient reason.
 -- Joanna Field
%%
I used to write, but now I message.
%%
I use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few.
 -- Adolph Hitler
%%
I use GIF.E peanut butter.
%%
I use original Taglines, but they originate elsewhere.
%%
I use OS/2 2.11 [REGISTERED VERSION] and I don't care who knows!
%%
I use OS/2, what's your excuse?
%%
I use Solaris because someone told me it was admirable
 to work with the handicapped ...
%%
I use windows...on my car, on my house, but not on my computer!
%%
- I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I
  WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK
  WOULD HOLD.
- "Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?"
 -- Death consults a job broker (Terry Pratchett, Mort)
%%
Ius summum saepe summa est malitia.
[Rigorous law is often rigorous injustice.]
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act iv, Sc. 5, 48, (796.)
%%
I usually need a can of beer to prime me.
%%
I usually take a two-hour nap, from 1:00 to 4:00.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to
animals.  I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for
anything connected with society except that which makes the roads
safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men and women
warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.
 -- Brendan Behan
%%
I value your honesty & integrity more than your judgement.
%%
Ivana used to be Donald's trompe l'oeil.
%%
Ivan Poorovitch, Russia's new premier.
%%
Ivan Stang says "Bob" said it; I believe it; that settles it.
%%
I've already got a female to worry about.  Her name is the Enterprise.
 -- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver," stardate 1514.0.
%%
I've already told you more than I know.
%%
I've already told you once.
%%
I've always known -- I'll die alone.
 -- Kirk, "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
I've always known that the mirror never lies.
%%
I've always known when to close my eyes.
%%
I've always thought respectable people scoundrels, and I look anxiously
at my face every morning for signs of my becoming a scoundrel.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
I've always thought that Minix was a fine idea, and competently done.
%%
I've always told stories, but it used to get me spanked.
%%
I've always wanted to make love to an alien.
%%
I've always wanted to read... <thoughtful pause< ... a book.
%%
I've always wondered about that taping equipment, but I'm damn glad we have
 it.   Aren't you?
 -- President Richard Nixon, to chief of staff H. R. Haldeman, April 25, 1973
%%
I've always wondered why people use sham poo when the real
thing is easily available.....
%%
I've beamed down......AND I CAN'T BEAM UP!!
%%
I've been at autopsies with more party atmosphere.
 -- Edmund : Nob and Nobility
%%
I've been called an evil genius by cities of assholes...   but I know who
 these people are!  And they're on my list!
 -- Robert Crumb
%%
I've been dead before.
 -- Cpt. Spock
%%
I've been experimenting with some new sexual positions. Now I'm getting
 ready to try them on people.
 -- Jim Samuels
%%
"I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart"
 -- Stupid country song titles #8
%%
I've been having trouble waking up. I actually dozed off at a red light. It
 was so embarrassing. There I was, out cold, other pedestrians nudging me to
 cross the street.
 -- Anita Wise
%%
I've been in more laps than a napkin.
 -- Mae West
%%
I've been in my mind, it's such a fine line.
 -- Neil Young
%%
I've been in the academic world a long time...I can sleep with my eyes open,
which is an important skill for those of you considering jobs in middle and
upper management.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
I've been in your service since I was two and a half, my lord.
Well, that must be why I'm so utterly sick of the sight of you.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Bells
%%
I've been looking forward to this evening about as much as I'd look forward
 to having my prostate examined by the Incredible Hulk.
 -- Jan Murray
%%
"I've been married and divorced three times," the young man lamented.
"I can't hold a job for more than six months at a time, and I'm in
debt up to my ears. Dad, tell me,  where did you and Mom go wrong?"
 -- Edward Stevenson, Wall Street Journal, 9/19/83
%%
I've been married for forty-nine years and I'm still in love with the same
 woman. If my wife ever finds out she'll kill me. Now, take my wife. Please!
 -- Henny Youngman
%%
I(ve) B(een) M(islead)
%%
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
 -- Totie Fields
%%
I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
 -- Wendy Liebman
%%
I've been on the Valium diet for eight and a half years now. If you take
 enough Valium it'll help you lose weight. It doesn't really curb your
 appetite, but most of your food falls on the floor.
 -- George Miller
%%
I've been putting out fire with gasoline.
 -- David Bowie
%%
I've been rich and I've been poor, and believe me, rich is better.
 -- Joe E. Lewis
%%
I've been sort of crabby lately. It's that time of the month again--the
 rent's due.
 -- Margaret Smith
%%
I've been there.
%%
I've been told to keep my remarks relatively brief. I understand Quayle-hunting
season begins at noon.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle to a crowd in Eau Claire, Wisc.
                  (LA Times  10/16/88)
%%
I've been Trekkin' since 1966!
%%
I've been trey-dueced.
 -- An Algonquinite with a hand of threes and twos
%%
I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that
  doesn't require my presence.
 -- Gary Trudeau
%%
I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter..
%%
I've been vaccinated against rabies.  *snarl*
%%
I've been waiting for you, Bob. The circle is now complete.
%%
I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life--
I'm pleased to say I've won.
%%
I've brought Gatsby to life.   I've accounted for his money.  I've fixed up
 the two weak chapters (VI and VII).  I've improved his first party.  I've
 broken up his long narrative in Chapter VIII.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald, on revising his galley proofs
%%
I've called in sick so many times today I'll call in dead!
%%
I've callen and I can't hang up.
%%
I've changed my mind. People ARE scum.
%%
I've come a long way since I've believed in anything
%%
I've come for an argument!
%%
I've come to the conclusion that cafe-society people must work for hours in
 front of their mirrors to acquire that expression that sets in at sunset.
 They all look like they wished to spit but unfortunately had run out of
 saliva. The gentlemen usually look like they're smelling something and the
 ladies look like they've found it."
 -- Jack Douglas
%%
"I've come to tune your piano."
"But we didn't send for you."
"No, but your neighbours did."
%%
I've commited adultery in my heart many times.
%%
I've decided to try my hand at art.  My first painting will be an
outdoor portrait: a great field, in the middle of which stands a lone
gong.  A stylized characterization of the West Wind will be blowing
softly over the gong.  I will call it: "Gong With the Wind."
%%
I've developed a new philosophy... I only dread one day at a time.
 -- Charlie Brown
%%
I've dialed and I can't hang up!
%%
I've done 'B'.
Really? How did you get on?
Well - I had a bit of trouble with 'belching'...but I think I've
  got it sorted out in the end. (Burps) Oh no! There I go again!!
 -- George and Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
I've done so much, with so little, for so long, that now I can do
anything with nothing.
%%
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
%%
I've fallen... and can't BOOT up!
%%
I've fallen! And I don't care!
%%
I've fallen and I need Stand Up.
%%
I've fallen... but I'll be back...
 -- Arnold Schwarzenegger
%%
I've fallen but the stupid button doesn't WORK!
%%
I've fallen down and not even known it.
 -- Pat McCormick
%%
I've fallen out and I can't get in!
%%
I've finally figured out why airports make you walk so far out to
get to your plane. It's their way of giving your luggage a head start.
%%
 I've finally learned what `upward compatible' means.    It means we
  get to keep all our old mistakes.
 -- Dennie van Tassel
%%
I've Forgotten MY EZ Password! (*^()*^_ *^(@
%%
I've found it unwise to predict what the Doctor can or cannot do.
 -- Castellan, Arc of Infinity
%%
I've found my niche.  If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was
this little hole in the bottom ...
 -- John Croll
%%
I've found the perfect solution for cat odors. A gun.
%%
I've found the you in you.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
%%
I've given up smoking successfully three times.
%%
I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a good fantasy.
%%
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
%%
I've gone crazy, my kids drove me there.
%%
I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been
  told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman
  getting ready to arrest her.
 -- New York City detective
%%
I've gone to look for myself.  If I should return before I get back keep
me here.
%%
I've got 1,2,3,4,5 - senses working overtime.
%%
I've got a BEER attitude!
%%
I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I've got a devil in me.
%%
I've got a drinking problem - two hands and only one mouth...
%%
I've got a feeling everything is going to be alright!
%%
I've got a friend who is a boxer. Once he hung up his coat in a restaurant
 but he was afraid someone would run off with it. He hung a sign on it
 saying, "This coat belongs to the champion boxer of the world and I'll be
 back."

 When he came back, he found another sign hanging where the coat had been.
 This sign said, "This coat was taken by the champion runner of the world,
 and I won't be back!"
 -- Ed Wynn
%%
I've got a good memory for forgetting.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
 -- Groucho Marx (in Duck Soup)
%%
I've got a hunch it's going to get hot down the road.
%%
I've got all this emotional baggage and no claim check
%%
I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do, gentleman, so
please, why don't you return to your porch rockers and resume
whittling?
 -- Twin Peaks
%%
I've got a lot of honey on my nice nose.
 -- Winnie The Pooh.
%%
I've got a Mickey Mouse PC with a Goofy operating system.
%%
I've got a mind like a... a... what's that thing called?
%%
I've got an IDEA!!  Why don't I STARE at you so HARD,
 you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I've got an Invisible Touch...whatever the hell that is.
%%
I've got a piece of brain lodged in me head!
%%
I've got a plan!! And it's as _hot_ as my _pants_!!!!
 -- Lord Flashheart : Bells
%%
I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it
  a weasel.
 -- Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
I've got a swell idea... let's put on a show!
%%
I've got a very bad feeling about this.
%%
I've got every episode listed - what do you mean, 'Get a life'?
%%
I've got it!  I've got it!  Now, for the cure...
%%
I've GOT it together.  You should have seen it APART!
%%
I've got morals. I just don't know where they are.
%%
I've got morals, I just keep misplacing them.
%%
I've got no deeds to do, no promises to keep. I'm dappled and drowsy
 and ready to sleep.
 -- Paul Simon
%%
I've got no prejudice. I hate everybody!
%%
I've got nothing to say--don't make me say it twice
%%
I've GOT one! I have a SPECIAL PURPOSE!!
%%
I've got Parkinson's disease.  And he's got mine.
%%
I've got places to go and people to annoy  :).
%%
I've got rock'n'roll. It saves me from the cold.    And if that's all
  there is, that ain't so bad.
 -- Lemmy Kilmister
%%
I've got some amyls.   We could either party later or, like, start his heart.
 -- Cheech and Chong's Next Movie
%%
I've got tears in my ears from lying on my back in my bed crying over you.
%%
I've got the pot of gold. I wanted the rainbow.
%%
I've got the power.
%%
I've got the world's oldest typewriter... It types in pencil.
%%
I've got this funny feeling, that you don't love me anymore.
%%
I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes....
 -- ila
Have you considered amputation? . . . Avon
%%
I've got to admit it's getting better.
%%
I've got to Brew Beer.
%%
I've got to get back to Reality.  Where IS that silly Blue Dragon?
%%
I've got to hand it to the Venetians, though. I can't tell you how
 impressed I was with that city. Nowhere else in the world can you find a
 flood area bringing in so much tourist gold. Any other city in that
 condition would've been declared a disaster area and the Red Cross would've
 been in there evacuating the residents.

 I don't care what the travel folders say, this city was not planned to be
 on water.

 All you have to do is take one look at what's floating around in those
 canals and you can see that the original city fathers goofed. Luckily for
 them, somebody on their Chamber of Commerce got the bright idea of making a
 tourist attraction out of a big sewage problem.

 They even capitalized on their pigeon problem. Wait'll you see St. Mark's
 Square in Venice.
 -- Selma Diamond
%%
I've got too many hands on my time!
%%
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
%%
I've got to start acting more sensible--TOMORROW!
 -- Snoopy (Charles Schultz)
%%
I've got to take a break or I'll start talking to myself!
%%
I've had a difficult past few lives.
%%
I've had a hard drive, think I'll crash.
%%
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
 -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
%%
I've had BETA days ... and nights!!!
%%
I've had five years of happy marriage. Which isn't bad out of fifteen ...
 She looked at me one night, said, "Do you think I'll lose my looks when I
 get old?" I said, "If you're lucky."
 -- Bub Thomas
%%
I've had fun before. This isn't it.
%%
I've had lots of bad jobs. I was a narrator for bad mimes.
%%
I've had one child.
My husband wants to have another.
I'd like to watch him have another.
%%
I've had some happy times here, when..when you and Percy have been out.
 -- Edmund to Baldrick : Money
%%
I've had some success and some failures with it.
%%
I've heard of a football team getting into a telephone kiosk, but
this was ridiculous.
 -- Scobie, Time-Flight
%%
I've heard old cunning stagers Say fools for arguments use wagers.
 -- Butler
%%
I've heard people say that [I have a short attention span].  I don't feel
I do, because when I'm interested in something I'll stay in focus as long
as it is necessary ... If you get off on something I'm not very interested
in, it's very easy for me to block it out.  It's easy for me to block
things out.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12-JAN-92
%%
I've heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of Rice Krispies.
 -- Charles Emerson Winchester III
%%
I've imagined great victories, and I've imagined great races.
The races are better.
 -- Mark Helprin
 -- Winter's Tale
%%
I've invented salt that looks like pepper, and pepper that looks like salt,
 so if anyone takes the wrong one by mistake, it's all right.
 -- Colonel Lemuel Stoopnagle (Frederick Taylor)
%%
I've just broken all previous records on Space Invaders.
%%
I've just finished my brute force solution to subtlety.
%%
I've just had a pint of Owd Roger, so everything is rosy.
%%
I've just learned about his illness; let's hope it's nothing trivial.
 -- Irvin S. Cobb
%%
I've known fellers like that.
 -- Fire Chief
%%
I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
on the same day.
%%
I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a
 restaurant.
 -- Ring Lardner
%%
I've learned from watching ads on television that if you are an insecure
 cretin who has smelly parts that leak offensive fluids or secret things
 that are just short of obscene, being idle, unwanted and underprivileged,
 driven by a craze for sex and seeking status in some neurotic manner more
 befitting a sub-normal moron, with piles and lose dentures, lacking money,
 brains, muscles, figure and self-confidence (not necessarily in that
 order), advertizers are after you. They want your money.
%%
I've learned my lesson Q.
Remember who you're talking to. All knowing, all seeing.
 -- Q and Q2, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
I've learned to accept birth and death...
but sometimes I still worry about what lies between.
%%
"I've Lived in Iowa" by Helen Earth
%%
I've lived upon the edge of chance for twenty years or more.
%%
"I 've lost a day!"--the prince who nobly cried,
Had been an emperor without his crown.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 99
%%
 I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to
refuse a drink after dark.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
I've met the enemy; he's an overweight fascist on NBC.
%%
I've met zucchini with more potential.
%%
I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
 -- George Gobel
%%
I've never been in love.  I've always been a lawyer.
%%
I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind.
 -- Mike Todd
%%
I've never cared to be ordinary.
%%
I've never fallen in love...but I stepped in it once!
%%
I've never gotten any good advice. I've had to figure everything out for
 myself.
 -- Tom Magliozzi
%%
I've never had such strong feelings toward anyone.
Nor have I.
 -- K'Ehleyr and Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
I've never known a musician who regretted being one. Whatever deceptions
 life may have in store for you, music itself is not going to let you down.
 -- Virgil Thomson
%%
I've never known an instance in the history of our company where
an executive unloaded responsibilities and duties on one lower in
the ranks, that he did not find himself immediately loaded from above
with greater responsibility.
 -- Arthur F. Hall
%%
I've never met a human being who would want to read 17,000 pages
of documen-
tation, and if there was, I'd kill him to get him out of the gene pool.
 -- Joseph Costello, President of Cadence
%%
I've never met a nymphomaniac I didn't like.
%%
I've never professed to be anything but an average student.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle during the
                   VP debate in Omaha, Nebraska (10/88)
%%
I've never really trusted Smokey the Bear.  Everytime I see him I
wonder what happened to the Boy Scout that was orginally wearing that hat.
%%
I've never seen the Catskill Mountains, but I have seen 'em kill mice...
%%
I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
I've never taken drugs, so that's why I'm probably not a big Doors fan.
 -- Spike Lee expressing his deep admiration
 -- for Jim Morrison and the Doors, in US magazine
%%
I've never tasted a cat I didn't like!
%%
I've never thought my speeches were too long; I've enjoyed them.
 -- Hubert M. Humphrey
%%
I've never tried dividing both sides by infinity before, so here goes.
%%
I've never TRIED to insult you. I've never HAD to try.
%%
I've no desire to hang out with a bunch of upper-class delinquents,
  do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing
  around in Paris, drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens
  of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping
  up and down my.....hang on.....!
 -- Edmund : Private Plane
%%
I've noted that some people use humor as a shield. They talk much,
  yet say little.
"Whereas others take a simpler approach, say nothing."
When one does not have the words.
"Or is loathe to speak them."
 -- Worf and K'Ehleyr, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
I've no time to prepare a profound message.
%%
Ivensky:  "My grandfather was a pole." Woddy:  "North or South?"
%%
I vent, therefore I am.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
I [] Ventura Publisher!
%%
I've often gotten the feeling that the only people who have learned
from computer assisted instruction are the authors.
 -- Ben Schneiderman
%%
I 've often wish'd that I had clear,
For life, six hundred pounds a year;
A handsome house to lodge a friend;
A river at my garden's end;
A terrace walk, and half a rood
Of land set out to plant a wood.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Imitation of Horace, Book ii, Sat, 6
%%
I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it
%%
I've only got twelve cards.
%%
I've played there (the Burning Tree Country Club) before and I'll play
there again.  I'm not going to protest Burning Tree.  Maybe they'll
change.  I think it would be a good idea for them to take women into
the club.  I don't have any problem playing there in the meantime.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle (from
 -- "What a Waste it Is to Lose One's Mind", the Unauthorized Autobiography)
%%
I've reached that age when a good day is one when you get up and nothing
 hurts.
 -- H. Martin
%%
I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I've read so much about the dangers of sex, smoking,
and drinking that I've given up reading
%%
I've really got into astronomy lately.  So much so that I have installed a
skylight in my ceiling.  This really upsets the people that live above me.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
%%
I've seen better legs in a bucket of chicken ...
%%
I've seen condom vending machines, but this one installs.
%%
I've seen friends die....
 -- Blake
%%
I've seen him shadow boxing and the shadow won.
%%
I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer
 -- Senator Claghorn
%%
I've seen it.   It's rubbish.
 -- Marvin the Paranoid Android
%%
I've seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I've seen more
of them who were paralyzed in the head.
 -- George Wallace
%%
I've seen the forgeries I've sent out.
 -- John F. Haugh II (jfh@rpp386.Dallas.TX.US),
    about forging net news articles
%%
I've seen the future and I leave it all behind
%%
I've seen the future.  I can't afford it.
%%
I've seen the future, & it is murder
 -- Leonard Cohen
%%
I've seen the light -- the smog is clearing.
%%
I've seen the pain, the hate, and death without a reason...
%%
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.  Attack ships on fire off the
shoulder of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the
Tannhauser Gate.  All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in
rain.
 -- Roy Baty (Nexus6, N6MAA10816, Combat) in 'Blade Runner'
%%
I've seen troopships afire off the shoulder of Orion
%%
I've see things I can't explain, and explain things I can't see....
%%
I've solved it!  I used a 4th dimensional boolean !!
%%
I've sometimes thought of marrying - and then I've thought again.
%%
I've spent a fortune on my kids' education, and a fortune on their
teeth. The difference is, they use their teeth.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
I've steered clear of God. He was an incredible sadist.
%%
I've still got my ogre, and he's still hungry little froggy._ Talmanella
%%
I 've stood upon Achilles' tomb,
And heard Troy doubted: time will doubt of Rome.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 101
%%
I've suffered enough--when does my art improve?
%%
I've suffered for my art--now it's your turn!
%%
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
 -- The Young Ones
%%
I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating.
%%
I've told you MILLIONS of times, don't exaggerate!
%%
I've traced your genealogy back to royalty - King Kong!
%%
I've trained my dog to salivate whenever Pavlov comes over for tea.
%%
I've tried to drown my sorrows, but those suckers learned how to swim!
%%
I've truncated, and I can't round up!
%%
I've turned my Laserjet into a death ray!
%%
I've turned my life around - I used to be miserable and depressed -
now I'm depressed and miserable.
%%
I've used Basic so long, my brain has gonesub permanently.
%%
I've used this particular tagline 346 times.
%%
I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead.
%%
I 've wandered east, I 've wandered west,
  Through many a weary way;
But never, never can forget
  The love of life's young day.
 -- William Motherwell (1797-1835)
 -- Jeannie Morrison
%%
I've wasted an excellent opportunity to remain silent.
%%
I've wondered why Michael bought LEGOS and K-Y together.
%%
I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, and I'm happy, Doctor, I
 finally won out over it.
 -- Jimmy Stewart in Harvey, 1950.
%%
I viddied that thinking is for the gloopy ones and that the oomny ones
 use like inspiration and what Bog sends.
 -- Alex, from A Clockwork Orange
%%
I visited an American supermarket. They have so many amazing products here.
 Like powder milk. You add water and you get milk. And powder orange juice.
 You add water and you get orange juice. Then I saw baby powder. And I said
 to myself, what a country! I'm making my family tonight!
 -- Yakov Smirnoff
%%
I visited Cyberspace - it was blurry and jerky.
%%
Ivo Andric - Yugoslavia's First Nobel Laureate.
%%
I voted for Clinton, and all I got was this unemployment check.
%%
I voted Republican once, but thank God it was just a nightmare.
%%
I vote for: Billy Beer!
%%
I vote that you add it to the disclaimers in the report.
%%
Ivy and Herbert have just had another baby, and they asked me to go along
 and see the little stranger. They asked me what I thought it was. I got it
 in three guesses.

 Herbert says it will be a member of Parliament when it grows up, because it
 can say so many things that sound good and mean nothing.
 -- Jack Warner
%%
I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have
 been from you.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
I waited for the train at Coventry;
I hung with grooms and porters on the bridge,
To watch the three tall spires; and there I shaped
The city's ancient legend into this.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Godiva
%%
I waive the quantum o' the sin,
  The hazard of concealing;
But, och! it hardens a' within,
  And petrifies the feeling!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Epistle to a Young Friend
%%
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.
 -- Theodore Roethke
%%
I walk 47 miles of barbed wire, I've got a cobra snake for a necktie.
 I've got a brand new house along the roadside, and it's
 made out of rattlesnake hide...
 -- George Thorogood
%%
I walk along a thin line darling, dark shadows follow me.
 -- Elvis
%%
I walk as a wolf among sheep...
%%
I walked on toward Ploughwright, thinking about feces.  What a lot we
had found out about the prehistoric past from the study of fossilized
dung of long-vanished animals.  A miraculous thing, really; a recovery
from the past from what was carelessly rejected.  And in the Middle
Ages, how concerned people who lived close to the world of nature were
with the feces of animals.  And what a variety of names they had for
them:  the Crotels of a Hare, the Friants of a Boar, the Spraints of
an Otter, the Werderobe of a Badger, the Waggying of a Fox, the Fumets
of a Deer.  Surely there might be some words for the material so near
to the heart of Ozy Froats [an academic studying feces] than shit?
What about the Problems of a President, the Backward Passes of a
Footballer, the Deferrals of a Dean, the Odd Volumes of a Librarian,
the Footnotes of a Ph.D., the Low Grades of a Freshman, the Anxieties
of an Untenured Professor?
 -- Robertson Davies, The Rebel Angels
%%
I walk this way because I have to.
%%
I walk unseen
On the dry smooth-shaven green,
To behold the wandering moon
Riding near her highest noon,
Like one that had been led astray
Through the heav'n's wide pathless way;
And oft, as if her head she bow'd,
Stooping through a fleecy cloud.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 65
%%
I wandered by the brookside,
  I wandered by the mill;
I could not hear the brook flow,
  The noisy wheel was still.
 -- Richard Monckton Milnes (Lord Houghton) (1809-1885)
 -- The Brookside
%%
Iwannabreakloose: IwannakeepamovinBaby, Iwannakeepamovin Wild..
%%
I wanna come back as a toungue depressor for Heather Locklear!
%%
I wanna die with NOTHING left working![GRIN]
%%
I wanna grow up, to be a FidoNet Sysop, and run my own BBS!
%%
I wanna have Vincent's kittens.
%%
I wanna reach up and touch the sky; I wanna touch the sun but I don't
wanna fry.
%%
I wanna see 'em explode in every zip code!
%%
I wanna sit in your office... I wanna play with your office supplies!
 -- NPB
%%
I wanna tell the world! If the smile on my face hasn't given me away!
%%
I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option.
%%
..  I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I WANT A COOKIE!
%%
I want a dragon as a familiar.
 -- Munchkin Quote
%%
"I want a full scale Red Alert throughout the world.  Surround EVERYONE
with EVERYTHING we got!  Mobilize every fighting unit and every weapon
we can lay our hands on.  I want...  I want three full scale global
nuclear alerts, with every Army, Navy, and Air Force unit on ETERNAL standby!"
 -- Monty Python
%%
I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad.
 -- Oedipus Rex
%%
I want a girl that can swallow my pride.
 -- Frank Zappa, "Jewish Princess"
%%
I want a good girl ... and I want her bad.
 -- Donald McGill
%%
I want a map of this conversation
%%
I want a meal, not a snack.
%%
I want a new duck.
 -- Weird Al
%%
I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want a screw.  I need a good screw.
 -- from Green Card
%%
I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go..  with EXTRA MSG!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want EARS!  I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I wanted a manly mail reader... I got a silly one [SIGH]
%%
I wanted a perfect ending ... Now I've learned, the hard way, that
some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning,
middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking
the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going
to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
 -- Gilda Radner
%%
I wanted only to try to live in accord with the promptings which came
from my true self.  Why was that so very difficult?
 -- Hermann Hesse
%%
I wanted plain vanilla, not a vanilla colored plane Mr Trump.
%%
I wanted to be a comedian, but no one took me seriously.
%%
I wanted to be... A *LUMBERJACK*!
%%
I wanted to be born again - Mom said "NO WAY" !!!
%%
I wanted to change the world.  But I have found that the only thing
one can be sure of changing is oneself.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
I wanted to commit suicide with valium,
 but after three, I felt much better!
%%
I want everything; do you have it??
%%
I want everything to be explained to me or nothing.... The absurd
springs from this confrontation between the human call and the unreasonable
silence of the world.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960), The Myth of Sisyphus (1955)
%%
..  I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within
 SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now!
 -- Queen
%%
I want it all or nothing. Or maybe some.
%%
I want it clearly understood that I'm totally confused.
%%
I want Kirstie Alley for Christmas.
%%
I want Kirstie Alley for my Birthday!
%%
I want more life, fucker!
 -- Roy Batty, in Ridley Scott's Blade Runner
%%
I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.
%%
I WANT MY BFG 9000! NOW!!! Or a pistol will do.
%%
I want my data back, machine, and I want it now!
%%
I want that glib and oily art,
To speak and purpose not.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want the world to know I'm happy as can be.
%%
I want this message corrected and on my desk at 4:00 PM.
%%
I want to be alone with my thought.
 -- Homer in "There's No Disgrace Like Home", from The Simpsons
%%
I want to be a veterinarian because I love children.
%%
I want to be like all the other noncomformists...
%%
I want to be Neal Bush and rob banks legally.
%%
I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I want to be so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now
%%
I want to be young and wild, and then I want to be middle-aged and
  rich, and then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending
  that I'm deaf.
 -- Edmund : Nob and Nobility
%%
I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch `St.
Elsewhere', won't scream, `FORGET IT, BLANCHE ... IT'S TIME FOR HEE HAW'
 -- Berke Breathed, Bloom County
%%
I want to buy some cheese...
%%
"I want to challenge my god to a duel!"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
I want to do something too, with you.
Uh...What?
It's something you can teach me, will you?
Uh...Well, actually, there are some games I don't quite know yet.
 -- Edo Girl and Wesley, "Justice", stardate 41255.6
%%
I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with
 VASELINE and WHEAT THINS..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after
 the IRS.
 -- Robert Bakker, paleontologist
%%
I want to find out who I am and give up letting everyone else define me.
(Judith)
%%
I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2" taller.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I want to go back in time - I have relatives there.
%%
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me
 she was in labor for thirty-six hours. I don't even want to do anything
 that feels good for thirty-six hours.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
I want to have Michelle Pfeiffer's baby.
%%
I Want to Help: Abel N. Willin
%%
I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out
of the hamburger joints.  If I don't fight, I'll eat this planet.
 -- George Foreman, 1990, Quoted in London Times
%%
I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want to know God's thoughts.  The rest are details.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
I want to live forever. . .so far, so good.
%%
I want to live with a synonym girl.
%%
..  I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want to reach your mind--where is it currently located?
%%
I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want to see a negative result first.
%%
I want to see how a war is fought, _so_ badly.
Well, you've come to the right place, then.
 -- Bob and Edmund : Major Star
%%
I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning
to turn around.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle trying to convince reporters
     that the economy was doing better because a
     Burger King had a 'now hiring' sign in the window.
     He was campaigning for reelection in Ontario, CA
     in January 1992.
You have a part-time job and that's better to no job at all
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle after the manager of the
     Burger King had said that the jobs offered were part-time
     minimum wage jobs, which didn't pay enough to live on,
     and that 'It's hard to find people who want to actually
     show up for the job.'
%%
I want to start a car repair shop, have already got the air for the tyres.
%%
I want your body and your pussy.
 -- The Red Hot Chili Pepper "Special Secret Song"
%%
I want you take me, I want you to break me, I want you to throw me away!
%%
I want you to get that man out of bed right away. Get him back
 to the front.   I won't have these men who are really wounded
 see that man babied so.
 -- George S. Patton
%%
I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY..
 BACKWARDS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want you to organize my PASTRY trays...  my TEA-TINS are gleaming in
 formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES --
 please don't be FURIOUS with me --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I want you to see Peel, Stanley, Graham, Sheil, Russell, Macaulay,
Old Joe, and so on. They are all upper-crust here.
 -- Thomas C. Haliburton (1796-1865)
 -- Sam Slick in England, Chap. xxiv
%%
`I want you to stop quoting me out of context,' he said.  `Printing
my comments intact would make things much easier.'  Mansfield went
on to claim `I...[like]...boys.'
 -- From the Harvard Lampoon's mock of the Harvard Crimson
%%
I WARNED you about Clinton!!
%%
I war not with the dead.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vii, Line 485
%%
I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
%%
I was 18 about six years ago - I'm 28 now.
%%
I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't
 mine.
 -- Rita Rudnerer
%%
I Was a Cloakroom Attendant: Mahatma Coate
%%
I was acquainted with a young lady who divorced a guy named Wong. Her maiden
 name was Reilly Watts.

 Her married name became "Reilly? Watt's Wong?"
%%
I was a freethinker before I knew how to think.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
I was a house painter for five years. Five years. I didn't think I'd ever
 finish that damn house.
 -- John Fox
%%
I was a Klingon before Klingons were popular
%%
I was a less than serious student in college.  If I had it to do over again,
I would be far more serious.  I did play a lot of golf.  But I don't think
that's any reflection on my ability to lead this nation.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I was all ear,
And took in strains that might create a soul
Under the ribs of death.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 560
%%
I was almost shot and killed before the opening credits!
 -- Woody Allen, "What's Up, Tiger Lily?"
%%
I was a mild-mannered computer jockey... until I discovered karaoke!
%%
I was an impartial observer to the 60's.
%%
I Was an Incubator Baby and She Was the Girl Next Door.
 -- Harry Ruby
%%
I was an infinitely hot and dense dot.
 -- Mark Leyner
%%
I was an only child.  Eventually.
%%
I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that <B>where<B>
I was flying made what I was doing spying.
 -- Francis Gary Power
 -- U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for spying,
 -- in an interview after he was returned to the US.
%%
I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.
%%
I was asked if I would feed my neighbor's dog while they went on vacation.
 Innocently enough I said I would do it. I had no idea that cats were so
 darned hard to catch.
%%
I Was A Son Of A Buccaneer: Rich Kidd
%%
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I was a tall person before I used PKZIP...!
%%
I was a teenage were-Communist undead spy for the KGB.
%%
I was a test-tub baby. All the other kids were in test tubes. And I was in
 a three-liter Coke bottle.
 -- Billy Elmer
%%
I was a tiny baby when I was born. Really tiny. I was breast-fed
 intravenously. I had to have a special nurse 'cause I was so little. She
 didn't like to touch me. She used to put Q-tips in my ears and use them as
 handles ...

 My folks used to go out to shows, movies, go out to eat. I never had a
 babysitter. They used to sit me down on a piece of flypaper.
 -- Lenny Rush
%%
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
I was awakened by a terrific banging from Lord Melchett...
Well!...I never knew he had it in him...
 -- Queenie and Edmund : Beer
%%
I was a war baby. My parents took a look at me and started fighting.
%%
I was bbbooorrrnnn in east LA.
%%
I was born alive.  Isn't that punishment enough?
%%
I was born an American; I will live an American; I shall die an American.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech, July 17, 1850, p. 437
%%
I was born and I shall die, that is all that should concern the general
public.
%%
I was born because it was a habit in those days, people didn't know
anything else ... I was not a Child Prodigy, because a Child Prodigy is
a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows
up.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
I was born by Caesarian section...but not so you'd notice.  It's just that when
 I leave a house, I go out through the window.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was born by C-section. This was the last time I had my mother's complete
 attention.
 -- Richard Jeni
%%
I was born in 1963.  It's true.  The room next to me was 1965.
%%
I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I was born in this town
 Live here my whole life
 Probably come to die in this town
 Live here my whole life
 -- Big Black "Kerosene"
%%
I was born not knowing and have had only a little time
 to change that here and there.
 -- Richard Feynman
%%
I was born nude, and I wish to be buried nude.
 -- Elle MacPherson, 1995
%%
I was born smiling.
%%
I was born this way! What's your excuse?
%%
I was born to Code, Compile, Link, Test, Debug!
%%
I was born to dance, I've got a rhythm romance going with my shoes.
 -- NL
%%
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth.
 The north side of my town faced east and the east was facing south.
 -- The Who
%%
I was bown in a cwossfiwe huwwicane-Jumpin
 -- Jack Fudd
%%
I was brought up in the other service; but I knew from the first that the
 Devil was my natural master and captain and friend.  I saw that he was in
 the right, and that the world cringed to his conqueror only from fear.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "The Devil's Disciple"
%%
I was BSer long before I became a BBSer!
%%
I was charged on minestrone, and invincible.
 -- Vicki Brown, about AI programming.
%%
I was contemplating the immortal words of Socrates, who said... I drank what?
 -- Real Genius
%%
I was dating this girl for two years--and right away the nagging starts: "I
 wanna know your name."
 -- Mike Binder
%%
I was doing fine until I realised it was EBCDIC.
%%
I was driving down the street at 100 miles per hour for no reason. The
 police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Why were you going so fast?" I
 said, "Why? I had my foot to the floor. It sends more gas to the carburetor.
 It makes the engine go faster. The whole car just takes off." And I said,
 "See this wheel, this steers it."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was driving down the street past a gas station. There were two signs in
 the window, "Help wanted", "Self-serve". So, I went in and hired myself. I
 made myself the boss. I took all the money and left.
%%
I was driving my car around, I decided to hook my brake lights up to my gas
 pedal. Just to confuse people behind me. I hit the gas and the brake lights
 go on. They stop and I'm gone. They say, "What is he driving?"
%%
I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was
struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times
before.
%%
I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.   By accident I
put the car key in the door lock.  The house started up.  So I figured
what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times.  I thought I
should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell at everyone to
get off my driveway.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was engaged to a contortionist... she broke it off.
%%
I was eyes to the blind, and feet was I to the lame.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxix, 15
%%
I was five years old before I realized there was no such thing as
ALPO baby food.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
I was goin' Chopin', but I forgot my Lizst! Had to go Bach to get it.
%%
I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do
you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?"  "Yes, officer, but
I wasn't going to be out that long..."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I
  thought:  What the hell good would that do?
 -- Ronnie Shakes
%%
I was going to commit suicide the other day.  I must not have been serious
because I brought a beach towel.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's
 office was full of portraits by Picasso.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
I was going to include an ethnic slur in here, but I couldn't figure
out how to get you into this file.
%%
I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off....
%%
I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires
backwards.  I erased all of the records.  When I returned them to
my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was gonna be a barber but neurosurgery pays better.
%%
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I
didn't know.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
I washed a sock.  Then I put it in the dryer.  When I took it out, it was gone.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I washed mud, off of mud.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.
%%
I was here and you were gone, now you are here and I'm gone!
%%
I was hitchhiking the other day and this car trailer pulled up and
 offered me a ride. He said that there was no room in the cab, but
 I could climb into one of the cars in the back. So I'm riding along
 in my own car. He must have liked picking up hitchhikers, he picked
 up 7 more - each had their own car. Then he got stopped for speeding
 and everybody got tickets.
%%
I was hitting some horrible shots one time. It wasn't unusual for me. I
 turned to the old guy who was caddying for me, and I said, "I suppose
 you've seen worse golfers in your time." He didn't say a word. So I
 repeated my question. Almost shouting this time, I said, "Hey! I suppose
 you've seen worse golfers in your time." He said, "I heard you the first
 time--I was just trying to remember when."

 I wonder if it was the same old codger who caddied for my wife one day. She
 said, "I've never played this badly before." And he said, "You've played
 before?"
 -- Bob Kaliban
%%
I was hoping that you might play the title role, sir.
What a roaringly good idea. What's the play called?
'Thick Jack Clot Sits in the Stocks...and gets Pelted with
  Rancid Tomatoes'...
 -- Edmund and George : Sense and Senility
%%
I was, I am, I will be, is a question of grammar and not of existance
 -- B. M. Cioran (1911- ), The Temptation to Exist
%%
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to
 get lucky---but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I was in a coach, flying through the London night, bound for the
  ladies' home...
Oh...and which ladies' home is this? A Home for the Elderly, or
  a Home for the Mentally Disadvantaged?
 -- George and Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
I was in a convenience store. Somebody had blown a hole through every one
 of the Cheerios. It wasn't hard to figure who it was--a cereal killer.
 -- Tommy Sledge
%%
I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading.  Then I said
 to the guy, "Let me ask you a question.  If you are in a spaceship that is
 traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything
 happen?"  He said, "I don't know."  I said, "I don't want your job."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed
 myself but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill
 yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I was in bed one night when my boyfriend Ernie said, "How come you never
 tell me when you're having an orgasm?" I said to him, "Ernie, you're never
 around."
 -- Bette Midler
%%
I was in love once when I was young.  But then I became attached to the
 Bureau.
%%
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's
 the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
I was in Tennessee and they hated me. They knew I came in from California.
 A guy stood up and said, "At least here in Tennessee we don't drive all
 over our freeways and shoot and kill people!" I said, "No, but you should."
 -- Pam Stone
%%
I was interested in joining the National Guard because it enabled me
to go to law school as soon as possible.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I was in the Fine Arts department's office talking to the secretary. There
 was a document laying on her desk, for hiring a lady to model for the art
 department. Her name was Gwendolyn Fux. I asked the secretary how she
 pronounced her last name.

 She said, "Verrrry carefully!"
%%
I was in the first submarine.  Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope.
 We're surrounded.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was in the grocery store.  I saw a sign that said "pet supplies".  So I did.
 Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was in the store the other day and a salesperson came up to me and said,
 "Can I help you?" I said, "Yea, give me what I need." She said, "I don't
 know what you need" I said, "You started it..."
%%
I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the
 aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was "woman".
%%
I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
 these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
 kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
 I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
 avoiding the beach.
 -- Lucinda Childs  (Philip Glass: Einstein on the Beach)
%%
I was in Vietnam.
So what? I live in New York.
Really? Wow. How do you do it?
 -- Denis Leary
%%
I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks
 ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I was just being polite, sir.
 -- Worf to Picard, "Heart of Glory", stardate 41503.7
%%
I was just looking at her name tag, Honest.
%%
I was just stopped by the LAPD and boy am I beat!
%%
I was kicked out of the boy scouts for eating a brownie....!
%%
I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I was lying in the street moaning and groaning from an attack of asthma
 when the driver of a library truck stuck his head out of the window and
 said, "Shh! Shh!"
 -- Stanley Myron Handelman
%%
I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I was married by a judge.  I should have asked for a jury.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
I was married once - in San Francisco.  I haven't seen her for many years.
 The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate.
 There's no legal proof.  Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
%%
I was merely pointing out that smuggling aristcrats out from under
  the noses of French revolutionaries is about as difficult as
  putting on a hat.
 -- Edmund : Nob and Nobility
%%
I was more impressed by the contents of my handkerchief the last
  time I blew my nose.
 -- Edmund : Private Plane
%%
I was movin' and a-groovin', rollin' and a-strollin'
  reelin' with the feelin', splishin' and a-splashin'.
  ... how was I to know there was a party goin' on?
%%
I was ne'er so thrummed since I was a gentleman.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- The Honest Whore, Part i, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
I was never a boy.
 -- Data, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
I was never less alone than when by myself.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Memoirs, Vol. i, p. 117
%%
I was nimble and I won Iron Ox.
%%
I was no hero, but an undisciplined, opinionated, loud-mouthed young man
 who was far out of his league. It was a great and painful lesson, and I
 learned it well. I only hope you won't need to learn it as I did.
 -- Picard to Wesley, "Samaritan Snare", stardate 42779.1
%%
I was not a very good student. I was very average.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
I was not born to be forced.   I will breathe after my own fashion. ... If a
 plant cannot live according to its nature, it dies; and so a man.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
I was not born under a rhyming planet.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
I was not CREATING a disturbance, I was improving one already there.
%%
I was now a coward on instinct.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
I wasn't always like this, Lieutenant.
 -- Picard
%%
I wasn't aware you had such handsome legs.
 -- Lwaxana Troi to Picard, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
 -- Chico Marx (1891-1961)
%%
I wasn't picking my nose...I was scratching.
%%
     I wasn't ready, man. I - I still believed in justice.
       Your world entertains many quaint superstitions.
 -- Victor Milan, Madman across the Water
          (in _Jokertown Shuffle - Wild Cards IX_)
%%
I wasn't sleeping, I was temporarily attention deficient.
%%
I wasn't there. I didn't do it. I want my lawyer!
%%
I was on a roll, till I slipped on the butter.
%%
I was on a ski lift with a strange guy who announced that he just got out of
 prison and then asked me if I wanted to know why. I reply "no". The guy
 answers anyway that he pushed a total stranger off the ferris wheel. I
 respond with, "*I* remember you."
%%
I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree
 fell right in front of me - and I didn't hear it.
%%
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint
 gave way causing me to have an accident.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I was on the grapefruit diet. I kind of goofed on that. For breakfast I ate
 fifteen grape fruits. Now when I go to the bathroom I keep squirting myself
 in the eye.
 -- Max Alexander
%%
I was out in the backyard one beautiful day. I said to my mother, "Mama,
 why don't I have no sister or no brother?"

 She said, "Go away, go play, don't worry your mother, dear. As lazy as your
 father was, you're lucky that you got here."
 -- Nipsey Russell
%%
I was out on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was
 kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
                 --Susie Loucks

 I can remember her just as if it were yesterday ... Our first meeting. It
 was in the park. She coyly dropped her handkerchief. And as I picked it up,
 she was embarrassed. Her nose was still in it.
 -- Jackie Gleason
%%
I was out rowing in the lake the other day and when I came in, I noted that
 my name was spray painted several places on the pier. Now, I've finally
 done it, achieved recognition from my piers! (Oh, well, sorry about this
 one too!)
%%
I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending
their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to
buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.
 -- Emile Henry Gauvreay
%%
I was perfect--and then my parents got hold of me.
%%
I was playing with my navel. My mother said, "All right, keep playin' with
 your navel, pretty soon you're gonna break it wide open, the air's gonna
 come right out of your body, you'll fly around the room backwards for
 thirty seconds, land and be flat as a piece of paper, nothin' but your
 little eyes buggin' out." I used to carry Band-Aids in case I had an
 accident.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
I was poking around on my filesystem the other day, and discovered a
directory named /vaporware.
It was emtpy.
%%
I was project manager at Edwards Airforce Base during Colonel J.
P.  Stapp's experimental crash research testing on the track at North
Base.  The law's namesake was Captain Ed Murphy--a development engineer
from Wright aircraft lab.  Frustration with a strap transducer which
was malfunctioning due to an error by a lab technician in the wiring of
the strain gauge bridges caused Murphy to remark: "If there's any
way to do it wrong, he will!"    I assigned Murphy's Law to the
statement and the associated variations.
 -- George E. Nichols in The Listener 16 February 1984
 -- (Murphy, Edward A. (1918-))
%%
I was promised on a time
To have reason for my rhyme;
From that time unto this season,
I received nor rhyme nor reason.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- Lines on his Promised Pension
%%
I was raised a country child.
%%
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years
 old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter.
 -- Drew Carey
%%
I was reading Cosmopolitan and there was a woman on the cover and I
 thought maybe I should change my image. Maybe I should be more like that
 woman on the cover. How she's posed with the blouse open to the navel, the
 skirt slit up the side. And underneath, the caption: "How to Avoid Sexual
 Harassment."
 -- Maureen Murphy
%%
I was reading the Christian Science Monitor. The news in that paper is just
 as terrible as it is in the other papers, only you think it's better.
 -- Goodman Ace
%%
I was reading the dictionary.  I thought it was a poem about everything.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was real calm about the operation. Till I realized what I was doing. I'm
 lying there naked. On a table in front of people I don't know. And they
 have knives. What's wrong with this picture?
 -- Tom Parks
%%
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and
the only regret I have was that I didn't study
Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
 -- J. Danforth Quayle, quoted in "Time", 8 May 1989
%%
I was right where the bullets were the thickest! Underneath the ammunition
 truck.
 -- Lou Costello
%%
I was Rush Limbaugh in a previous life.
%%
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
 So I said, Got any shoes you're not using?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was sane once... didn't like it.
%%
I was sane once. Didn't particularly care for the experience.
%%
I was saying, continued the Rocket, I was saying - What was I saying?
You were talking about yourself, replied the Roman Candle.
Of course; I knew I was discussing some interesting subject when I was so
rudely interrupted.
 -- Oscar Wilde, The Remarkable Rocket
%%
I was sitting in the lap of luxury--and then luxury stood up.
%%
I was sitting with a little girl of eight one afternoon. She looked up from
 her Hans Andersen and said, "Does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage, Mr. Ade?"
 "Yes, my child," said I.
 -- George Ade
%%
I was skydiving horizontally.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was so free with him as not to mince the matter.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, The Author's Preface
%%
I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.
%%
I was standing in the kitchen one day, fixing a sandwich or something, when
 suddenly I heard a very distinct "sneeze" emanate from the fridge. Naturally
 curious, I opened the door and scrutinized the various food items. Suddenly,
 the mayonnaise began to scream, "The ketchup did it! The ketchup!"

 Of course, I was stunned. This, after all, was an inanimate object. And,
 truthfully, to this very day, I've never been able to coax the ketchup to
 say or do anything and have concluded the sneeze was my own imagination.
%%
I was standing on the corner of the street, as quiet as quiet could be. When
 a great big ugly man came up--and tied his horse to me.
 -- Bea Lillie
%%
I was stopped once for going 53 in a 35-mile zone, but I told 'em I had
 dyslexia.
 -- Spanky (Steve McFarlin)
%%
I was stupid, I was expendable, and here I am.
%%
I was such a pacifist I used to get beaten up by Quakers
 -- Woody Allen,Sleeper
%%
I was sufficiently interested in the picture's success to contact
Stanford University Research Institute so they could find out why
it was such a big hit. But when they wanted $75,000 to do the
research job, I told them I wasn't _that_ curious.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock on "Psycho"
%%
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road
 when I struck him.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I was surprised to learn that many computer virus programs have
copyright notices embedded in them.  Applied to a computer virus,
what could the concept of copyright possibly *mean*?
%%
I was taking a course with Lionel Trilling and wrote a paper for him with
 an opening sentence that contained a parenthesis. He returned the paper
 with a wounding reprimand: "Never, never begin an essay with a parenthesis
 in the first sentence." Ever since then, I've made a point of starting out
 with a parenthesis in the first sentence.
 -- Cynthia Ozick
%%
I was taking tickets at the movies when I got a phone call. This woman
 said, "How much is a ticket?" And I said, "Four dollars." She said, "How
 much is it for children?" And I said, "The same price. Four dollars."
 "Well," she said, "the airlines charge half fare for children." I said,
 "You go to the movie--put the kids on a plane."
 -- Alan Gale
%%
I was talking during sex and my girlfriend hung up.
%%
I was talking to a businessman, and I said, "Don't you think most men are
 little boys?" And he said, "I'm no little boy! I make seventy-five thousand
 dollars a year." And I said, "Well, the way I look at it, you just have
 bigger toys."
 -- Jonathan Winters
%%
I was talking to an Englishman and I said, "It's absolutely remarkable. In
 this day and age, you could fly to New York in six hours." And you know
 what he said? "But why?"
 -- Jack Paar
%%
I was taught that the way of progress is neither swift nor easy.
 -- Marie Curie
%%
I was terrible at history. I could never see the point of learning what
 people thought back when people were a lot stupider. For instance, the
 ancient Phoenicians believed that the sun was carried across the sky on the
 back of an enormous snake. So what? So they were idiots.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
I was the first to dig the earth and make the rivers run backwards.
%%
I was the first woman to burn mt bra - it took the fire department four days
 to put it out.
%%
I was the man of a thousand faces.
So how did you come to choose the ugly mug you've got now, then?
 -- Percy and Edmund : Beer
%%
I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
%%
I was thinking of Sybok.  I have lost a brother.
I lost a brother once  -- I was lucky I got him back.
I thought you said men like us don't have families.
I was wrong.
 -- Spock, Kirk & McCoy,  "The Final Frontier,"  stardate 8451.1.
%%
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch
 by some stray cows.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam;
 I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was trying to think the other day about what you do now in America if you
 want to be successful. Before, you were dependable and wore a good suit.
 Looking around, I guess that today you have to do all the same things but
 not wear a good suit. I guess that's all it is. Think rich. Look poor.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers then left for a vacation with injuries.
%%
I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
I was under the impression that it was common maritime practice for a
  ship to have a _crew_.
Opinion is divided on the subject.
...Is it.
Yes. All the other captains say it _is_..._I_ say it _isn't_.
...Oh God...mad as a brush...
 -- Edmund and Captain Rum : Potato
%%
I was using a Microsoft Window one day, and it slammed on my fingers!!
%%
I was walking across a bridge one day, and i saw a man standing on
the edge, about to jump off.  so i ran over and said "stop! don't
do it!"  "Why shouldn't I?" he said.  I said, "Well, there's so much
to live for!"  He said, "Like what?"  I said, "Well...are you religious
or atheist?"  He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too!  Are you christian
or buddhist?"  He said, "Christian."  I said, "Me too!  Are you catholic
or protestant?"  He said, "Protestant."  I said, "Me too!  Are you
episcopalian or baptist?"  He said, "Baptist!"  I said, "Wow!  Me
too!  Are you baptist church of god or baptist church of the lord?"
He said, "Baptist church of god!"  I said, "Me too!  Are you original
baptist church of god, or are you reformed baptist church of god?"
 He said, "Reformed baptist church of god!"  I said, "Me too!  Are
you reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed
baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?"  He said, "Reformed baptist
church of god, reformation of 1915!"  I said, "Die, heretic scum",
and pushed him off.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I was walking along the ocean. That's generally where you'll find the
 beach. Looking for ashtrays in their wild state.
 -- Ronny Graham
%%
I was walking down 126th Street on my way to work. Met a fella. He said,
 "Moms, I hate this, I really hate this, but, Moms, gimme some money! I
 ain't got no home. I ain't got no family, no children, no wife! My mother,
 my father are dead! Moms, gimme some money! I ain't got nowhere to eat, I
 ain't got nowhere to sleep. I ain't got nothin', Moms. But this gun.
 -- Moms Mabley
%%
I was walking down Madison Avenue and I saw a very good-looking tie in a
 shop window. So I went in. Before I could say anything the manager said,
 "Oh, Tony Randall! In my store! Please, just a minute, wait, wait, I gotta
 call my wife--she'll never believe me!"

 He calls her up and says to me, "Here, say hello, anything, talk to my
 wife. Say anything!" He flattered me so much I bought the tie, bought six
 shirts. I didn't have enough money. I said, "Will you accept my check?" He
 said, "Do you have any identification?"
 -- Tony Randall
%%
I was walking down that narrow trail into the Grand Canyon, when....
%%
I was walking down the street and all of a sudden the prescription
for my eye-glasses ran out.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was walking down the street, something caught my eye...and dragged it fifteen
 feet.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I was walking down the street the other day when I
 saw this guy with two wooden legs, but real feet.
%%
I was walking in someone else's sleep last night.
%%
I was walking on the moon one day, when....
%%
I was walking through the park. I had a very bad asthmatic attack. These
 three asthmatics attacked me. I know ... I should've heard them all hiding.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
...I was wanting to greet the gallant sailor who hallooed me on my way
  in...perchance he has hauled anchor and sailed away...?
No!...It was _me_!...
...Majesty! Surely not?
...You _utter_ creep.
 -- Melchett, Queenie and Edmund : Potato
%%
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather.  The team scored
 a touchdown.  They showed the instant replay.  He thought they scored another
 one.  I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game *he* was watching was
 better.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I was wondering if I might have the afternoon off?
Well, of course not. Who do you think you are...Watt Tyler? You can
  have the afternoon off when you _die_, Baldrick, not before.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Potato
%%
I was wondering if I might sleep on the roof, only the Town Bailiff
  says if I lie in the gutter I'll be flushed into the Thames with all
  the other turds.
 -- Baldrick to Edmund : Bells
%%
I was working in a cosmetics shop. A woman came in looking for something to
 bring out her bright blue eyes. I gave her meat skewers.
 -- Hattie Hayridge
%%
I was wounded in the house of my friends.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Zechariah xiii, 6
%%
I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.
%%
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they
 wouldn't have to go so fast.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I wave my private parts at your auntie
%%
I wave my private parts at you, you stupid englishman!
%%
:IWBNI: // [abbreviation] `It Would Be Nice If'.  Compare {WIBNI}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
I wear a cape.  You take pictures.  It is not a perfect world.
 -- Bruce Wayne philosophizes to his girlfriend in BATMAN
%%
I wear black on the outside cause black is how I feel on the inside
 -- Morrissey
%%
I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I wear my liver on my pant leg.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I wear their scorn as a badge of honor.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing how he
                   copes with criticism from the media elite, 6/9/92
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
I weep for the future.
 -- Maitre d' of Chez Luis
%%
I welcome criticism write yours here _______
%%
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake.  I didn't notice until I
 got it set up.  People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery.  When I got there,
the guy was locking the front door.  I said, "Hey, the sign says you're
open 24 hours."  He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went down to the drugstore and ate a chicken saled sandwhich
and drank some coffee. The coffee was overstrained and the sandwhich
was as full of rich flavour as a piece torn off an old shirt.
Americans will eat anything if it is toasted and held together with a
couple of toothpicks and has a lettuce sticking out of its sides,
preferably a little wilted.
 -- Raymond Chandler
%%
I went from Pheonix Arizona, all the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A.
 -- Steve Miller
%%
I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand.  I said "Give me a bladder
 por favor."  The guy said "Is that to go?"  I said, "Well what else would I
 want it for?"
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
I went into the grocery store today. I said, "Give me a dollar's worth of
 potatoes." He said, "We don't slice 'em." I said, "Give me fifty cents'
 worth of Swiss cheese." He wrapped up six holes.
 -- Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)
%%
I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl.  She looked at me and
 said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on."  I said, "Yeah, I know,
 but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went mad once. Did me a world of good.
%%
I went on a diet, cut out drinking, cut out smoking, cut out eating, cut
 out all my bad habits, and in fourteen days, I lost a full two weeks.
 -- Joe E. Lewis, 1902-1971
%%
I went on a non Dr. Who diet, it was the worst five minutes of my life!
%%
I went on to test the program in every way I could devise.  I strained
it to expose its weaknesses.  I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass
stars, for stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold.
I ran it assuming the superfluid currents beneath the crust to be
absent -- not because I wanted to know the answer, but because I had
developed an intuitive feel for the answer in this particular case.
Finally I got a run in which the computer showed the pulsar's
temperature to be less than absolute zero.  I had found an error.  I
chased down the error and fixed it.  Now I had improved the program to
the point where it would not run at all.
 -- George Greenstein, Frozen Star: Of Pulsars, Black
             Holes and the Fate of Stars
%%
I went out bicycling one afternoon, and suddenly, as I was riding along a
 country road, I realised that I no longer loved Alys.
%%
I went out with this girl who was really fat. Did you ever hear the
 expression "as big as a house"? She was wearing aluminum siding. She had
 two pictures. "Before" and "Before That." And she was shaped like an egg. I
 said, "Hey, that's a really nice necklace you've got on." She said, "It's
 my belt."
 -- Stu Trivax
%%
I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt.  "What are you
 making?"  "A salt lick."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went sightseeing in Windsor, Canada. As I was leaving, they asked me if I
 had anything to declare. I said, "Yeah, I'm glad I don't live here!"
 -- Jeff Shaw
%%
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's.
 The clerk said, ten-four.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to a bookstore and I asked the woman behind the counter where the
 self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the
 whole purpose."
 -- Brian Kiley
%%
I went to a Catholic school where the kids were so tough the nun taught us
 art and how to draw composite sketches.
%%
I went to a convent in New York and was fired finally for my insistence
 that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu."  The headwaiter said,
 Don't I know you?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to a garage sale.  How much for the garage?  It's not for sale.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit
 gum.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked if I had any questions.
 I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and
 you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?   He said he couldn't
 answer that.  I told him sorry, but I couldn't work for him then.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to all that work to get him out of his shell,
and he really *was* a spineless mollusc!
 -- Dame Enid Aurelia
%%
I went to an authentic Mexican restaurant. The waiter poured the water and
 warned me not to drink it.
 -- Brad Garrett
%%
I went to an exclusive kennel club. It was very exclusive. There was a sign
 out front: "No Dogs Allowed."
 -- Phil Foster
%%
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".  So I ordered
 French Toast during the Renaissance.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to a restaurant that was so expensive
that they didn't have prices on the menu -
just little faces with varying expressions of horror.
%%
I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to a wedding ... I couldn't believe the groom was married in rented
 shoes. You're making a commitment for a lifetime and your shoes have to be
 back by five-thirty. I was the best man at the wedding ... If I'm the best
 man, why is she marrying him?
 -- Jerry Seinfeld
%%
I went to college--majored in philosophy. My father said, "Why don't you
 minor in communications so you can wonder out loud?" So I did. I got out of
 school, landed a job as a morning DJ on an all-philosophy radio station:
 WYMI. "Good morning, it's 8:05 on YMI. For those of you just waking
 up--what's the point, really?"
 -- Mike Dugan
%%
I went to correspondence school. They threw me out from there. I played
 hooky ... I sent them an empty envelope.
 -- Baron Munchausen (Jack Pearl)
%%
I went to my first computer conference at the New York Hilton about 20 years
 ago. When somebody there predicted the market for microprocessors would
 eventually be in the millions, someone else said, ``Where are they all going
 to go? It's not like you need a computer in every doorknob!''

 Years later, I went back to the same hotel. I noticed the room keys had been
 replaced by electronic cards you slide into slots in the doors.

 There was a computer in every doorknob.
 -- Danny Hillis
%%
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money.  They said, "What for?"
 I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to the bank and went over my savings. I found out I have all the
 money that I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
 -- Henny Youngman
%%
I went to the beach a couple of times in New York City. Tough summer out
 there, but I was pretty excited. I found what I thought at the time was a
 very rare seashell. And I took it to a friend of mine who works in a
 museum. And I was really disappointed. It turned out to be just a human
 ear. New York City's had kind of a tough summer. The people from Roget's
 Thesaurus announced that in their next edition New York City will be listed
 for the first time officially as a synonym for hell. If you're planning to
 travel to New York City, do yourself a favor--this is a lot of fun--check
 into a Times Square hotel. And take the Bible out of the nightstand there,
 if it hasn't already been stolen, of course. And open up to the Ten
 Commandments and go to the window, and on a good day you can check the
 commandments off as you see them being broken.
 -- David Letterman
%%
I went to the doctor for a check-up.  It was ok, he was there.
%%
I went to the doctor. I said, "Doc, my foot! I can't walk!" He said,
 "You'll be walking before the day is over." He took my car.
 -- Buddy Hackett
%%
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line.
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
 -- the Indigo Girls, Closer to Fine
%%
I went to the doctor last week. He told me to take all my clothes off. Then
 he said, "You'll have to diet." I said, "What color?"
 -- Ken Dodd
%%
I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.  So, I got
 some flip-up contact lenses.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to the fights last night and a hockey game broke out.
%%
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
the shape of a house.  I also bought some batteries, but they weren't
included.  So I had to buy them again.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues
 that are in all the other museums.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went to the Net and all I got was this stupid tagline.
%%
I went to the ophthalmologist today about an eye condition.  To
paraphrase his diagnosis, I had enough blood and sweat, but not enough
tears.  His suggestion was to stay off my eyes for a while.
%%
I went to the petshop for Beatles
But they were totally out of stock
I tried gardening supplies for Rolling Stones
But all that they had was a rock
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
it took seven others to beat him!
%%
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only
the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to
teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854), II, Where I Lived, and What I Lived For
%%
I went to this conference for bulimics and anorexics. It was a nightmare.
 The bulimics ate the anorexics. It's okay--they were back ten minutes
 later.
 -- Monica Piper
%%
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet
in the shape of an Ouija board.  You'd think about what kind of food
you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I went up into the attic with the wife the other day.  Dirty, filthy,
covered in cobwebs.  But she's good with the kids.  I found this violin
and this picture.  I took them along to the auctioneer, he says what
you've got there is a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.  Unfortunately,
Stradivarius was a rotten painter, and Rembrandt couldn't make violins.
 (Sticks violin through picture.)
%%
I went up to the salesgirl. I said, "I'd like to see something cheap in a
 man's suit." She said, "The mirror's on the left."
 -- Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)
%%
I went up to the stage door, but it was locked.   So I went around to
the front door and came into the theatre.  And the stage was all lit
up, but the theatre was so dark, I couldn't see a thing.  Is there
anyone up front?  So I go down, in this Stygian darkness, to the
front row, and I take a seat.  I am now sitting on....I can't think of
his name.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
I went window shopping... and bought OS/2!
%%
I were better to be eaten to death with a rust than to be scoured
to nothing with perpetual motion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I, who have so much and so universally adored this [greek], "excellent
mediocrity,"
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xiii
%%
I will aggravate my voice so, that I will roar you as gently
as any sucking dove; I will roar you, an 't were any nightingale.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I will always love the false image I had of you.
%%
I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.
 -- William Butler Yeats, "The Lake Isle of Innisfree"
%%
I will be as harsh as truth and as uncompromising as justice.
 -- William Lloyd Garrison (1804-1879)
 -- The Liberator, Vol. i, No. 1, 1831
%%
I will be building the ultimate RISC machine.  I have reduced the
instruction set to only two instructions:
ON
OFF
%%
I will be correspondent to command,
And do my spiriting gently.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I will buy with you, sell with you, talk with you, walk with you,
and so following; but I will not eat with you, drink with you, nor
pray with you. What news on the Rialto?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
I will choose Freewill
 -- Rush
%%
I will contend that conceptual integrity is *the* most important
consideration in system design.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%
I will continue to be an impossible person as long as
those who are now possible remain possible.
%%
I will defend to the death everyone's right to my opinion.
%%
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
%%
[I will describe] where I come from and what kind of a house I lived in
when I was a kid, how many public schools that I went to - five elementary,
two high schools - product of a public school system, two jobs in college,
went to night school, worked my way through law school.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle telling an interviewer
 -- how he will use his acceptance speech at the Republican Convention
 -- to reintroduce himself to the public,
 -- and to provide details of his hard-working background.
 -- (reported in the NY Times 8/15/92)
%%
I will fear no evil, for I AM the meanest SOB in the valley.
%%
I will fight for your right to your wrong opinion.
%%
I will finish what I start.
%%
I will hold your secrets dearer than the whispers of my heart.
%%
I will hunt you down and flog you with wet tissues...
%%
I will instruct my sorrows to be proud;
For grief is proud, and makes his owner stoop.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
I will just have to that, won't I?
%%
I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
I will maintain it before the whole world.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme, Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
I will make a Star-chamber matter of it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I will make no bargains with terrorist hardware.
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
I will make you shorter by the head.
%%
I will neither yield to the song of the siren nor the voice of the
hyena, the tears of the crocodile nor the howling of the wolf.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Eastward Ho, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
I will never lie to you.
 -- James Earl Carter
%%
I will never see my child smile again. She will grow up believing that
  her father is a traitor, but she will grow up. If you act Picard, if
  we stop this war before it begins.
 -- Jarok, "The Defector", stardate 43462.5
%%
I will not aim for the head.
%%
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
%%
I will not be a pawn for the Prince of Darkness any longer
 -- Indigo Girls
%%
I will not be as those who spend the day in complaining of the head-ache,
and the night in drinking the wine that gives the headache.
 -- Goethe
%%
I will not belch the National Anthem.
%%
I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed,
or numbered.  My life is my own.
 -- Patrick McGoohan, "The Prisoner", BBC-TV
%%
I will not be rescued in such filth!
%%
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
%%
I will not bring sheep to class.
%%
I will not burp in class.
%%
I will not bury the new kid.
%%
I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'.
%%
I will not carve gods.
%%
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones [100th "special" episode].
%%
I will not cheat on my wife. Because I love my house.
 -- Chas Elstner
%%
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
%%
I will not cut corners.
%%
I will not defame New Orleans.
%%
I will not do anything bad ever again.
%%
I will not draw naked ladies in class.
%%
I will not drink!
But if I do... I will not get drunk!
But if I do... I will not in public!
But if I do... I will not fall down!
But if I do...I will fall face down so that they cannot see me.
%%
I will not drive the principal's car.
%%
I will not eat things for money.
%%
I will not encourage others to fly.
%%
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
%%
I will not fake my way through life.
%%
I will not fake seizures.
%%
I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer.
%%
I will not forget you.
%%
I will not get very far with this attitude.
%%
I will not give sleep to mine eyes, or slumber to mine eyelids.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxxii, 4; Proverbs vi, 4
%%
I will not go down to posterity talking bad grammar.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
%%
I will not grease the monkey bars.
%%
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
%%
I will not make flatulent noises in class.
%%
I will not play with my food any more than is necessary.
%%
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
%%
I will not prescribe medication.
%%
I will not purchase this record, it is ssccrrrratched.
 -- John Cleese
%%
I will not quarrel with a slight mistake, such as our nature's frailty
may excuse.
 -- Roscommon
%%
I will not sell land in Florida.
%%
I will not sell miracle cures.
%%
I will not sell school property.
%%
I will not show off.
%%
I will not skateboard in the halls.
%%
I will not snap bras.
%%
I will not spank others.
%%
I will not squeak chalk.
%%
I will not teach others to fly.
%%
I will not torment the emotionally frail.
%%
I will not trade pants with others.
%%
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom.
%%
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call.
%%
I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.
 -- Booker T. Washington
%%
"I will point out that a lady of refinement would not wish to be found
so high in a tree."
"Then I am a lady of refinement well and truly," said Madouc, "since I
did not wish to be found."
 -- Madouc (Jack Vance)
%%
I WILL procrastinate, if I can just get started!
%%
I will return before you can say, 'Antidisestablishmentarianism'.
Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Antidistibbilitz...
  Antimisdibbilince....
(Caption : Two Days Later)
....Antidistinctlymintymempsbalism...
 -- Edmund and George : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
I will roar, that it will do any man's heart good to hear me.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in
him will I trust.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xci, 2
%%
"I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing
about in any way the social and political equality of the white and
black races - that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of making
voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office,
nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to
this that there is a physical difference between the white and black
races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together
on terms of social and political equality."
 -- Abraham Lincoln, Fourth Lincoln-Douglas Debate, September 18, 1858
%%
I will scarce think you have swam in a gondola.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
I will serve no tag before its time!
%%
I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
"I will show," said Agesilaus, "that it is not the places that grace
men, but men the places."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Laconic Apophthegms, Of Agesilaus the Great
%%
I will speak daggers to her, but use none.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I will speak for you Father.
I speak for all mediocraties in the world.
I am their champion.
I am their...patron saint.
 -- Antonio Salieri _Amadeus_
%%
I will study and get ready, and perhaps my chance will come.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I will take my corporal oath on it.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. x
%%
I will take some savage woman, she shall rear my dusky race.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 168
%%
I will tell you now
What never yet was heard in tale or song,
From old or modern bard, in hall or bower.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 43
%%
I will tolerate no further insubordination. Drop your shields
  immediately.
"And if I refuse?"
Then die in ignorance. I can waste no more time on you.
 -- Worf and Captain K'Temoc, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
I will wear my heart upon my sleeve
For daws to peck at.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
"I win!" by U. Lose
%%
I wired my dryer backwards, now it spits out extra socks.
%%
I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.
%%
I wish a robot would get elected President.  That way, when he came to town, we
 could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I wish Conservatives would be less liberal with their whining.
%%
I wished, I never wished a wand of wishing. (Wishful thinking).
%%
I wished now that I had gone to the restaurant across the street where
the food had at least the merit of being tasteless.
 -- Found on a company cafeteria door
%%
I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads
 that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president.  Then
 somehow I get myself elected president.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish I could leave you my most cherished possession - my faith in Jesus
Christ. For with Him you have everything; without Him you have nothing at all.
 -- Patrick Henry
%%
I wish I could remember where I parked my hard disk....
%%
I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant.  And maybe there would be
 thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size, and we would get together
 and dig tunnels down into the ground and live there.  But don't ever call us
 "ants," because we hate that.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish I could step on this program's bug.
%%
I wish I'd drunk more champagne.
 -- last words of Lord John Maynard Keynes
%%
I wish I had a dime for every time I've been called 'diminutive.'  I'm
not - I'm just damn short.
 -- Michael J. Fox, actor.
%%
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND
 Superman away.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish I had a snappy Trek Tagline to put here...
%%
I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for
 about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick.  Then I'd go out West and
 start digging for gold.  When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd
 say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool."  He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd
 say, "Well, that was easy."  Good joke, huh.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns---regular sun and "rogue" sun.
 That way, when somebody asked me what time it was, I'd say, "Regular time?"
 And they'd say, "Yeah."  And I'd say, "Sorry, all I have is rogue time."  It'd
 be fun to be a stuck-up rogue-time guy.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish I REALLY knew what I was doing. [SIGH]
%%
I wish I was a fishy,
I wish I was a bass,
I'd climb up all the rocks and trees
and slide down on my hands and knees.
%%
I wish I was a Klingon.  I want a lumpy head.
%%
I wish I was as cocksure of anything as Tom Macaulay is of everything.
 -- Lord Melbourne (1779-1848)
%%
I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"I wish _I_ was a tiger."
"A common lament."
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
I wish I was more like I think I am.
%%
I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I wish I were in the land of cotton - not polyester.
%%
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out
that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because
I was thinking about doing that anyway.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish life could have 1024x768x256 resolution.
%%
I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.....
%%
I wish life had scroll-back - with cut and paste.
%%
'I wish life was not so short,' he thought.   'Languages take such a
time, and so do all the things one wants to know about.'
 -- J. R. R. Tolkien
 -- The Lost Road
%%
I wish my M-5 had 4DOS...
%%
I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd.  Todd
 Blankenship."  Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because
 I'd like to have one of those little basket-beds with my name on it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger,
but with a smaller head.  That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs,
but they wouldn't eat as much.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish scripts would do what I think I tell them.
%%
I wish someone would steal this tagline.<I DID<
%%
I wish that Noah had swatted those two mosquitos.
%%
I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I
 could cure it.  First, you sit the patient down and have a long personal talk.
 After that, I'm not sure, but maybe you could throw some water in his face or
 something.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.  There's
a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work.
 -- Gallagher
%%
I wish there was something interesting to read down here.
%%
I wish there were a cure for your personality.
%%
I wish there were no such thing as taglines.
%%
I wish these calculations had been executed by steam.
 -- Charles Babbage
%%
I wish they all could be California girls.
%%
I wish they could find a way to serve the same food on the ground that they
 serve on airlines, when you are up there in the sky. I'm looking for a way
 to make my dog stop begging for scraps from the table, and airline food is
 a sure answer.
%%
I wish this mirror had a better view...
%%
I wish to complain about this parrot.
%%
I wish to say what I think and feel today, with the proviso that tomorrow
perhaps I shall contradict it all.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
I wish we could make our votes retroactive like Bill's tax plan.
%%
I wish you all sorts of prosperity with a little more taste.
 -- Alain Rene Le Sage (1668-1747)
 -- Gil Blas, Book vii, Chap. iv
%%
I wish you'd stabilize your pedestrian infrastructure, President.
 -- Borusa, Invasion of Time
%%
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
%%
I wish you would read a little poetry sometimes.  Your ignorance
cramps my conversation.
 -- Sir Anthony Hope Hawkins (1863-1933)
%%
I woke up and started folding my bed back into a couch and
almost broke both my arms, because it's not one of those beds!
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I woke up one morning and looked around the room. Something wasn't right. I
 realized that someone had broken in the night before and replaced everything
 in my apartment with an exact replica. I couldn't believe it... I got my
 roommate and showed him. I said, "Look at this--everything's been replaced
 with an exact replica!" He said, "Do I know you?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
"I woke up this morning, and I realized that somebody had broken into my
 apartment, stolen all my things and replaced them with exact duplicates.
 I asked my roommate if he noticed anything, and he said, 'Who are you?'"
"The other day I.... No, that wasn't me."
"My friend Bob is a radio DJ, and when he walks under a bridge, you can't hear
him talk."
"My father built a quicksand box in our back yard.  I was an only child,
eventually."
 -- comedian Steven Wright
%%
I woke up this morning... ( <- that's the entire song)
 -- A Short Blues, someone connected to Monty Python, perhaps Neil Innes?
%%
I woke up this morning... then I went back to bed...
 -- Weird Al _Generic
Blues_
%%
I woke up to discover it had all been a terrible film...
%%
I wonder, are the San Francisco Giants moving to Florida to avoid the
danger of earthquakes?
%%
I wonder, does Barbara Bush spit or swallow?
%%
I wonder if a file is naked when you unzip it?
%%
I wonder if angels believe in ghosts.
%%
I wonder if anyone's ever started washing their hair and never stopped
 because they followed the directions: 'Shampoo... rinse... repeat...'
%%
I wonder if Data has a 16550 UART?
%%
I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
..  I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE
 as a COMPLETE STRANGER?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I wonder if the process of aging could be slowed down
if it had to go through Congress.
%%
I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I wonder if White House computers are booted up or if they just inhale.
%%
I wonder, therefore I might be.
%%
I wonder what Bob's doing right now?
%%
I wonder what kind of CPS rates Data gets?
%%
I wonder what Mr. Ed would do.
%%
I Wonder What The Big Red Button Does....?
%%
I wonder what this button does? *&^(&^)#@$*&_% NO CARRIER
%%
I wonder what would happen if I....[NO CARRIER]
%%
I wonder why grandpa always pulled his own finger.
%%
I wonder why. I wonder why.
I wonder why I wonder.
I wonder _why_ I wonder why
I wonder why I wonder!
 -- Richard P. Feynman
%%
I wonder why Noah didn't swat them two Sysops?
%%
I wonder why prostitution is illegal. Why should it be illegal to sell
 something that's perfectly legal to give away?
 -- George Carlin
%%
I won! I won!
%%
I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a
 network executive or a politician.
 -- Marty Feldman
%%
I won't eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, DEAD!
%%
I won 't ever grow up. My biological clock has a snooze alarm.
%%
I won't let anything touch you in these golden years.
 -- David Bowie
%%
I won't play 'Stupid' with Rush Limbaugh... Rush is MUCH better at it!!
%%
I won't quarrel with my bread and butter.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
%%
I won't say Dan Quayle is dumb, but when the light changed to "WALK," he
 abandoned his car and got out and started walking.
%%
I won't say my wife is fat, but she's the only woman I know ...
 -- Benny Hill
%%
I won't tell you how much I weigh, but don't ever get in an elevator with
 me unless you're going down.
 -- Jack E. Leonard
%%
I won't use Windows, I won't use Windows, I won't...
%%
I wore black before it was cool.
%%
I worked as a lumberjack for a lumber company.  All of the trees were just 10
 feet high and 1/4 inch thick.  We made paneling.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
I worked hard to get like this and I'm not changing.
%%
I worked in a health food store once.  A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt
 dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
%%
I work for the IRS....give me all your money!
%%
I Work with Diamonds: Jules Sparkle
%%
I work with User-Surly Software.
%%
I worry about kids today. Because of the sexual revolution they're going to
 grow up and never know what "dirty" means.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
I worship the ground that awaits you.
%%
I woudn't recommend sex, drugs, or Unix for everyone, but they work for me.
 -- Jim Thompson (jthomp@central.sun.com), paraphrasing Hunter S. Thompson
%%
I would advise anyone who wished to obtain a favor from a minister to
 approach him with a mournful air rather than a lighthearted one. No one
 likes to see those who are happier than himself.
 -- Nicolas Chamfort
%%
I would applaud thee to the very echo,
That should applaud again.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
I would argue that the rate at which individuals and organizations
learn may become the only sustainable source of competitive advantage,
especially in knowledge-intensive industries.
 -- Ray Stata, CEO, Analog Devices
%%
I would ask that you stop fiddling with my ears.
 -- Data
%%
I would believe only in a god who could dance.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
I would call the Democratic Left in Latin America the group which secures
social advances for all the people in a framework of freedom and consent.
 -- Luis Munoz Marin
%%
I would dance for joy if there weren't people watching.
%%
I would fain die a dry death.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
I would far rather be ignorant than wise in the foreboding of evil.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Suppliants, 453
%%
I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent
 less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her
 sweetness and respecting her seniority.
 -- E.B. White
%%
I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
I would give the Devil benefit of the law for my own safety's sake.
 -- _A_Man_for_All_Seasons_ by Robert Bolt
%%
...I would go so far as to suggest that, were it not for our ego and
concern to be different, the African apes would be included in our
family, the Hominidae.
 -- Richard Leakey
%%
I would guess that death is no longer sufficient to alleviate its
  boredom, therefore Commander Riker is alive.
 -- Data to Picard, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this country.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/27/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
[I would] hate to see aeroplanes come into common commercial use, since
they merely add to the useless speeding up of an already overspeeded life.
 -- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
I would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the
 weasels.
 -- Deloris, from Roger Rabbit
%%
I would have been your Daddy, but the dog beat me over the fence.
%%
I would have made a good Pope.
 -- Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994)
%%
I would have nobody to control me; I would be absolute: and who but
I? Now, he that is absolute can do what he likes; he that can do what
he likes can take his pleasure; he that can take his pleasure can
be content; and he that can be content has no more to desire. So the
matter 's over; and come what will come, I am satisfied.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. xxiii
%%
I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have
gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the
missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme.
 -- Oliver North
%%
I would have suffered a lot more if understood.
%%
I would have you call to mind the strength of the ancient giants,
that undertook to lay the high mountain Pelion on the top of Ossa,
and set among those the shady Olympus.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. xxxviii
%%
I would help others, out of a fellow-feeling.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
I would introduce your eyebrows, but I see they've already met.
 -- SLR
%%
I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass.
%%
I would like to buy a fish licence, please.
%%
I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection
with income tax policies.
 -- William F. Buckley
%%
I would like to express my sympathy to all those impacted by this disaster.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle standing in front
                   of the collapsed section of highway caused by the
                   Loma Prieta quake. (CNN)
%%
I would like to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.
 -- Cerebus
%%
I would like to nominate a man who is honest and courageous. I'd like to,
 but this party doesn't have one of them kind of people. My candidate does
 not know the meaning of the word "compromise," does not know the meaning of
 the word "appeasement," does not know the meaning of the word
 "cowardice"--and has done quite well despite this lousy vocabulary.
 -- Vaughn Meader
%%
I would like to suggest that you not use speed, and here's why:  it is
going to mess up your heart, mess up your liver, your kidneys, rot out
your mind.  In general this drug will make you just like your mother
and father.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
I would love it even if they were short, sullen, grumpy and sexually
obsessed.  But there just isn't any good evidence.
 -- Carl Sagan, astronomer, discussing the possibilities of
extraterrestrial life.
%%
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under
 my arms instead.
 -- Sue Kolinsky
%%
I would much prefer antiques if they were not so darned old.
%%
I would never consider divorce -- but murder...
%%
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
I would never give artificial birth control to an unmarried person...
 -- Judie Brown, President, American Life League, Nightline, 7/21/89,
 -- as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves,
 -- a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
I would never want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
 -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%%
I would not become a member of a club or organization, that would
have me as one
of its members
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
I would not enter on my list of friends
(Though graced with polish'd manners and fine sense,
Yet wanting sensibility) the man
Who needlessly sets foot upon a worm.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book vi, Winter Walk at Noon, Line 560
%%
I would not have a slave to till my ground,
To carry me, to fan me while I sleep
And tremble when I wake, for all the wealth
That sinews bought and sold have ever earn'd.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 29
%%
I would not hurt thee, but thou standest where I am about to shoot.
%%
I would not like to leave contraception on the long finger too long.
%%
I would not live alway: let me alone: for my days are vanity.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job vii, 16
%%
I would not want Jimmy Carter and his men put in charge of snake control
 in Ireland.
%%
I wouldn't advise playing catch with a giant.
%%
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. (BOREALIS)
%%
I wouldn't be paranoid if everyone didn't pick on me.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark
and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person.  Then they cut
the person open, and in him is a little baby shark.  And in the baby
shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small.  But there's
a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy--
something like that.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
I wouldn't ever set out to hurt anybody deliberately unless it was, you
know, important - like a league game or something.
 -- Dick Butkus, Chicago Bears Linebacker
%%
I wouldn't hurt a fly. Besides, they taste terrible.
%%
I wouldn't know how to act if I weren't in trouble.
%%
I wouldn't mind being the last man on earth--just to see if all of those
 girls were telling me the truth.
 -- Ronnie Shakes
%%
I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having to stay dead that
 scares the sh*t out of me.
 -- R. Geis
%%
I wouldn't mind paying taxes--if I knew they were going to a friendly
 country.
 -- Dick Gregory
%%
I wouldn't Perstor my mother-in-law!
%%
"I wouldn't put THAT in a safety deposit box," remarks the gnome with
disdain, tossing it over his shoulder, where it disappears with an
understated "pop".
%%
I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
always worked for me.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist
%%
I wouldn't shoot him if I were you.  It will just make him mad.
%%
I wouldn't take a million dollars for any of my kids,
but I wouldn't pay a dime for another one.
%%
"I wouldn't take you to a dog fight, even if I thought you could win"
 -- Stupid country song titles #3
%%
I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.
%%
I wouldn't trust that babe as far as I could bowl her...
%%
I wouldn't wish it on Mae West enemy.
%%
I would prefer not to answer that question.
"Under the circumstances I don't think Tasha would mind."
She was special to me, sir. We were...intimate.
 -- Data and Picard, "The Measure of a Man", stardate 42523.7
%%
I would prefer something a little more reliable than hope....
 -- Avon
%%
I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you
 are brave.
 -- E. M. Forster, as a small child
%%
I would rather be ashes than dust!  I would rather that my spark should
burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
 I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent
glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.  The proper function of
man is to live, not to exist.  I shall not waste my days in trying
to prolong them.  I shall use my time.
 -- Jack London, Jack London's Tales of Adventure
%%
I would rather be a transformed ape than a degenerate son of Adam.
 -- Pierre-Paul Broca
%%
I would rather be Multi-Tasking!
%%
I would rather dwell in the dim fog of superstition than in air rarified
to nothing by the pump of unbelief; in which the panting breast expires,
vainly and convulsively gasping for breath.
 -- Richter
%%
I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because
I have got so much more of it.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
I would rather light a candle than curse the darkness.
There was a time when I was very comfortable being part of the darkness
because I didn't understand the light.
 -- Dave Mustaine (Megadeth)
%%
I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery
than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.
 -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
I would rather see starlight than streetlights.
%%
I would rather sleep in the southern corner of a little country churchyard
than in the tomb of the Capulets.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Letter to Matthew Smith
%%
I would rather suffer defeat than have cause to be ashamed of victory.
 -- Quintus Curtius
%%
I would save the whales if knew where to put them.
%%
I would say more, but I'm limited to 45 chara
%%
I would say that like Elvis' daughter and Michael Jackson, it now appears
as though we have some irreconcilable differences.
 -- House Budget Committee
Chairman John Kasich
%%
I would sooner be notorious than unknown.
%%
I would sooner live in a society governed by the first two thousand
names in the Boston telephone directory than in a society governed by
the two thousand faculty members of Harvard University.
 -- William F. Buckley, Jr.
%%
I would strongly oppose apathy, if I cared.
%%
I would suggest the taxation of all property equally whether church
or corporation.
%%
I would tax Raquel Welch ... and I've a feeling she'd tax me.
 -- Michael Palin
%%
I would that I were low laid in my grave:
I am not worth this coil that 's made for me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
I would the gods had made thee poetical.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
 I would there were no age between sixteen and three-and-twenty, or that
    youth would sleep out the rest, for there is nothing in the between but
   getting wenches with child, wronging the ancientry, stealing, fighting.
 -- William Shakespeare
 -- The Winter's Tale, Act III, Scene 3, lines 59-63.
%%
I would to God thou and I knew where a commodity of good names were
to be bought.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
I would trade that Oscar for one more second of life.
 -- Woody Allen, "Stardust Memories"
%%
I would 't were bedtime, Hal, and all well.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
I would've got away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids.
%%
I WP
%%
I write because there is some lie I want to expose, some fact to which I
want to draw attention, and my initial concern is to get a hearing.
 -- George Orwell
%%
I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an
 article and mail it in again.
 -- Milt Kamen
%%
I write long epigrams, you write nothing. Yours are shorter.
 -- Martial
%%
I write, therefore I exist.
%%
I write to find out what I am thinking about.
 -- Edward Albee
%%
I write to understand as much as to be understood.
 -- Elie Wiesel
%%
I wrote a few children's books...not on purpose.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I wrote a program in Lisp once...it wrote back to me.
%%
I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?
 -- Frank Zappa, in response to Tipper Gore's allegations that
music incites people towards deviant behavior, or influences their
behavior in general.
%%
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is.  Every once
 in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have
 written that."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I wrote my first program in 1954, and that didn't work either.
%%
I wrote my name at the top of the page.  I wrote down
the number of the question "1".    After much reflection I
put a bracket round it thus "(1)".    But thereafter I
could not think of anything connected with it that was
either relevant or true.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965), My Early Life (1930) ch. 2
%%
I wrote my own benchmark test program.  Now my machine is 500 MHz.
%%
I wrote these tags myself.
 -- FIDO lie  #III
%%
I wrote this note on a 486 laptop on the beaches of Maui.
%%
I wuz bo'n dis way - whut's yo' 'suse?
%%
I Wuz Framed!: Gil Tee
%%
I Wuz Robbed!: Alma Money
%%
I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
IXM: Initiate X-rated error Messages
%%
IXOR: Illogical eXclusive OR
%%
 IX. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to
 detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
 -- Laws of Computer Programming
%%
I yam Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated.
%%
Iyam what Iyam.
 -- Popeye
%%
:IYFEG: // [USENET] Abbreviation for `Insert Your Favorite Ethnic
   Group'.  Used as a meta-name when telling ethnic jokes on the net
   to avoid offending anyone.  See {JEDR}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
I yield to Abdul Alhazred's superior knowledge of Cthulhu!
%%
IZ: Ignore Zeroes
%%
JAA: Jump Almost Always
%%
Jabba's kind of scum -- fearless and inventive.
%%
Jabba wants to see YOU, Bob !
%%
Jabber... The Lean, Mean, Reading Machine...
%%
JABBER the no meat, no oil QWK reader.
%%
       JABBERWOCKY

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
   The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
   And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
   The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
   He went galumphing back.

"And thou hast slain the Jabberwock?
   Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
   He chortled in his joy.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
Jack and Jill are over the hill.
%%
Jack-And-Jill Party:
 A Squire tradition; baby showers to which both men and women
are invited as opposed to only women. Doubled purchasing power of
bisexual attendance brings gift values up to Eisenhower-era standards.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
JACK AND THE BEANSTACK
 -- by Mark Isaak
 Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL
character named Jack.  Jack and his relations were poor.  Often their
hash table was bare.  One day Jack's parent said to him, "Our matrices
are sparse.  You must go to the market to exchange our RAM for some
BASICs."  She compiled a linked list of items to retrieve and passed it
to him.
 So Jack set out.  But as he was walking along a Hamilton path,
he met the traveling salesman.
 "Whither dost thy flow chart take thou?" prompted the salesman
in high-level language.
 "I'm going to the market to exchange this RAM for some chips
and Apples," commented Jack.
 "I have a much better algorithm.  You needn't join a queue
there; I will swap your RAM for these magic kernels now."
 Jack made the trade, then backtracked to his house.  But when
he told his busy-waiting parent of the deal, she became so angry she
started thrashing.
 "Don't you even have any artificial intelligence?  All these
kernels together hardly make up one byte," and she popped them out the
window...
%%
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,...
 -- Nursery rhyme
%%
Jack: I don't get it...
Lo Pan (interrupting): Shut up, Mr. Burton.     You are not put upon this
                        world to 'get it.'
 -- Big Trouble In Little China
%%
:jack in: v. To log on to a machine or connect to a network or
   {BBS}, esp. for purposes of entering a {virtual reality}
   simulation such as a {MUD} or {IRC} (leaving is "jacking
   out").  This term derives from {cyberpunk} SF, in which it was
   used for the act of plugging an electrode set into neural sockets
   in order to interface the brain directly to a virtual reality.
   It is primarily used by MUD and IRC fans and younger hackers on BBS
   systems.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Jack & Jill file $10,000,000 lawsuit after hillside fall
%%
Jack & Jill...pail of water???.....Riiiight!
%%
Jack O'Lobotomy: removal of pulp and seeds from a pumpkin.
%%
jackpot:  you may have an unneccessary change record
 -- message from "diff"
%%
Jack's Gourmet Taglines: Best and Freshest Every Day!
%%
Jack shall pipe and Gill shall dance.
 -- George Wither (1588-1667)
 -- Poem on Christmas
%%
 (Jack Webb voice:)  This is the city.  Lambertville, New Jersey.
 I work here.  I carry a tune.  I was changing my name to protect
 my innocence when I got a call about a 411.  It sounded like
 good information to me.  But I needed more.  A name and a
 number.  So leave yours and I'll return your call.  Or I can
 send you a FAX.  Nothing but the FAX, ma'am.  (Hum the "Dragnet"
 theme...)
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
:jaggies: /jag'eez/ n. The `stairstep' effect observable when an
   edge (esp. a linear edge of very shallow or steep slope) is
   rendered on a pixel device (as opposed to a vector display).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Jaguar: Jews And Germans Usually Argue Retail
%%
Jaguar:  Yes.  I want a hand Job.  (Crazy People)
%%
"Jail for growing a plant?" ... The gipsy laughed.
%%
Jailing someone to keep them from ruining their life
with drugs is like burning a village to save it
%%
J'ai une ame solitaire.
 -- Pierre Tremond, from Twin Peaks
%%
Jake liked his women how he liked his kiwi fruit; firm yet yielding, sweet
yet tart, and covered with short fuzzy brown hair.
%%
Jamboree On The Air -- shortwave Scouting friendship.
%%
Jamboree On The Air -- the World Jamboree from all over the world.
%%
James A. Lovell Jr., Astronaut (Gemini, Apollo), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
James Bond asked his ATT rep for a source licence to "kill".
%%
James Bond rules.  00K.
%%
James Bond: What do you expect me to talk?
A. Goldfinger: No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!
%%
James Brown: "Help!  I've fallen and I can't get down!"
%%
James Jontz, Congressman (Ind.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
James R. Olin, Congressman (Va.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
James S. Brady, Press Secretary to President Reagan was an Eagle Scout.
%%
jamming,nut: very painful way to climb.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Jane Fonda doing the "tomahawk chop" at ballgames.
 -- Liberal hypocrisy
%%
Jane Fonda has more combat experience than Bill Clinton!
%%
Janet Hayes SPEAKS ABOUT Leather/SM Taglines!
%%
Janet Reno: a clown in the Bungling Bros., Rodham & Billy Circus.
%%
Janet Reno: Chief meter maid of Clinton's D.C. Loon Platoon.
%%
Janet Reno doesn't have enough qualifications to be a meter maid.
%%
Janet Reno: the President's personal meter maid.
%%
Janet Reno-Williams -- "The Destroyer"
%%
Janitors clean up afterwards.
%%
JANITORS do it in the washroom.
%%
Janitors do it with a plunger.
%%
Janus? Well, look at it this way. If you squint a little,
the J could be Amiga checkmark,
and the rest of the word describes MsDos.
%%
Japanese Minimalism:
 The most frequently offered interior design aesthetic used by
rootless career-hopping young people.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of
the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP,
two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/2/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach
 their level of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Japan says your illiterate.
%%
Japenese is strange. I Kana understand it.
%%
:Jargon Construction:

There are some standard methods of jargonification that became
established quite early (i.e., before 1970), spreading from such sources
as the Tech Model Railroad Club, the PDP-1 SPACEWAR hackers, and John
McCarthy's original crew of LISPers.  These include the following:
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.
%%
Jargon rules, ongoing agreement situation.
%%
JASA - Just Another Stupid Acronym.
%%
Javacise - Burst of motion after spilling coffee in one's lap.
%%
Jay is nowhere, man.
%%
Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.
 -- Frank Zappa, "Bebop Tango"
%%
JBS: Jump and Blow Stack
%%
JCI: Jump to Current Instruction
%%
:JCL: /J-C-L/ n. 1. IBM's supremely {rude} Job Control
   Language.  JCL is the script language used to control the execution
   of programs in IBM's batch systems.  JCL has a very {fascist}
   syntax, and some versions will, for example, {barf} if two
   spaces appear where it expects one.  Most programmers confronted
   with JCL simply copy a working file (or card deck), changing the
   file names.  Someone who actually understands and generates unique
   JCL is regarded with the mixed respect one gives to someone who
   memorizes the phone book.  It is reported that hackers at IBM
   itself sometimes sing "Who's the breeder of the crud that mangles
   you and me?  I-B-M, J-C-L, M-o-u-s-e" to the tune of the
   "Mickey Mouse Club" theme to express their opinion of the
   beast.  2. A comparative for any very {rude} software that a
   hacker is expected to use.  "That's as bad as JCL."  As with
   {COBOL}, JCL is often used as an archetype of ugliness even by
   those who haven't experienced it.  See also {IBM}, {fear and
   loathing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
JEALOUS, adj.  Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which
can be lost only if not worth keeping.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Jealousy comes from self-love rather than from true love.
 -- Francois, Duc de La Rouchefoucald
%%
Jealousy has often been a motive for murder.
 -- Kirk, "Wolf in the Fold," stardate 3614.9.
%%
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
%%
Jealousy is a poison to love.
 -- Sherry Bussey
%%
Jean, are you busy at 5 o'clock? I need a girl pretty desperatly.
 -- Ben Woodard
%%
Jean-Luc Picard and Mister Clean:  Separated at birth?
%%
Jean-Luc. Shame on you for thinking such a thing!
 -- Lwaxana Troi to Picard, Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
Jean-Luc, what naughty thoughts, but how wonderful you still think of
  me like that.
 -- Lwaxana Troi, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
Jedda: "But what about Reliant?  She's on her way."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Jedi Knights do it forcefully.
%%
JEDI KNIGHTS do it with force.
%%
Jedi Masters do it with even more Force.
%%
:JEDR: // n. Synonymous with {IYFEG}.  At one time, people in
   the USENET newsgroup rec.humor.funny tended to use `JEDR'
   instead of {IYFEG} or `<ethnic>'; this stemmed from a public
   attempt to suppress the group once made by a loser with initials
   JEDR after he was offended by an ethnic joke posted there.  (The
   practice was {retcon}ned by the expanding these initials as
   `Joke Ethnic/Denomination/Race'.)  After much sound and fury JEDR
   faded away; this term appears to be doing likewise.  JEDR's only
   permanent effect on the net.culture was to discredit
   `sensitivity' arguments for censorship so thoroughly that more
   recent attempts to raise them have met with immediate and
   near-universal rejection.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Jeep: Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
%%
Jeep: Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole.
%%
Jeep: Jumps Everything Ever Parked
%%
Jeep: Junk Eletrical and Emissions Parts
%%
Jeep: Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
%%
Jeep: Just Eat Every Pickle.
%%
Jeep: Just Everyone Elses Parts
%%
Jeez if you love honkus
%%
Jeff Bingaman, Senator (N.M.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Jeff Dahmers to Lorena Bobbitt: You gonna eat that?
%%
Jeffrey Dahmers - Just another eating disorder victim.
%%
Jeffrey Dahmers... the queer that made Milwaukee famous!
%%
Jeffrey Darmers is a smoker. They found a pile of butts in his house!
%%
Jeff to Tonya: I'm free next year, if you are maybe we...
%%
Jehovah is an alien and still threatens this planet!
%%
Jello is antimatter.
%%
Jellybean, Aardvark, Hayden, Haberdashery.
%%
Jellybeans and windex are essentially evil.
%%
Je me presse de rire de tout, de peur d'etre oblige de'en pleurer.
(I make myself laugh at everything, in case I should have to weep.)
 -- Pierre-Augustin de Beaumarchais (1732-1799)
%%
Je me souviens. [I remember]
%%
Jenna: I don't suppose anything hurts you...
Conan: Only pain.
 -- "Conan the Barbarian"
%%
Jenny Shipley... a good example of why animals eat there young!
%%
Je plie et ne romrs pas.
(I bend and do not break.)
 -- Jean de la Fontaine (1621-1695)
%%
Jeremy Mullins's cat?  Sorry, I haven't seen it.
%%
Jerry--and I only say this because I care--they have decaffeinated brands
 now that taste just as good as regular.
 -- Chris Knight, from Real Genius
%%
Jerry Brown loves Ronald Reagan.
%%
Jerry Falwell is haunted by the fear that someone, somewhere, is sending
 money to Jimmy Swaggart.
%%
Jerry wrote this in the fall of 1993.
%%
Jerry, You are just like a crab, always on the ball...<G<
%%
Jeshurun waxed fat, and kicked.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Deuteronomy xxxii, 15
%%
Jesse Jackson: The Disk Crash of political candidates.
%%
Jesse Jackson: The EDLIN of political candidates.
%%
Je suis un chou-fleur sous un echequier enorme.
%%
Jesus' Apostles had 12 members. Elvis' Memphis Mafia had 12 members.
%%
Jesus Christ! Close the door! Were you born in a barn!?!?
%%
Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Jesus Christ, I hate those christians!
%%
Jesus Christ is the answer. Now, what was your question?
%%
Jesus Christ was a good teacher, but he didn't publish.
%%
Jesus didn't wear a condom when he came - now he's a dad.
%%
Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine.
 -- Patti Smith
%%
Jesus died for your sins. Make it worth his time.
%%
Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have
repudiated his doctrine.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Jesus... don't leave earth without him.
%%
Jesus' Father is everywhere.  Elvis' father was a drifter.
%%
Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters.  Elvis Presley has 12 letters.
%%
Jesus: If any man thirst..John 7:37 Elvis: "Drinks on me!" Jailhouse Rock
%%
Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)  Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
%%
Jesus is coming back, and boy, is he ticked!
%%
Jesus is in my heart and owes me three months back rent.
%%
Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Jesus is on the ferry across the dead sea when the ferryman says "It'll
 be 40 sestertii (Roman coin) for the crossing."
 "Bugger that," says Jesus, "I'll walk."
%%
Jesus is the Lords's shepherd.  Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
%%
Jesus lived in a Near Eastern land. Elvis: a nearly eastern state.
%%
Jesus lived in state of grace. Elvis lived in Graceland.
%%
Jesus lives!
%%
Jesus loves me, but he can't stand you.
%%
Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you're a loser.
%%
Jesus loves you -- but then again, so does Barney.
%%
Jesus loves you.  Everyone else thinks you're a jerk.
%%
Jesus loves you - everyone else thinks you're a moron.
%%
Jesus Loves You.  I Don't.  Get Out Of My Way.
%%
Jesus: Love thy neighbor. Matthew 22:39  Elvis: Don't be cruel. RCA,1956
%%
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
 -- Michael O'Donohugh
%%
Jesus never carried a gun -- they hadn't been invented yet.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Jesus Not Only Saves, He also Makes Backups Frequently!
%%
Jesus only told half the story. The truth *will* set you free.  But, first
it's going to piss you off.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Jesus passes to Robinson and its a SLAM DUNK!
%%
Jesus rose from the dead and the apostles came unto him saying "How's Elvis"
%%
Jesus said love one another.  He didn't say love the whole world.
 -- Mother Teresa
%%
Jesus saves, and only takes half damage.
%%
JESUS SAVES (and we're gonna spend it for him)
%%
Jesus Saves --at First National Bank.
%%
Jesus saves, Boojum invests, Cthulhu engulfs and devours.
%%
JESUS SAVES, but Clones 'R' Us makes backups!
 -- William Lewis (wiml@blake.acs.washington.edu)
%%
Jesus saves... but Gretzky gets the rebound!
 -- Daniel Hinojosa (hinojosa@hp-sdd)
%%
Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!  He shoots.  HE SCOOORES!
%%
Jesus saves... but Lindros scores on the rebound!
%%
Jesus saves... but Maradona scores on return!
%%
JESUS SAVES (but Norton does backups)
%%
Jesus Saves, but with Hasek in net, He's trade bait.
%%
JESUS SAVES (By clipping coupons and shopping wisely)
%%
Jesus Saves, by striking out the side in the bottom of the ninth.
%%
Jesus saves, Cthulhu forecloses.
%%
Jesus saves, Gretsky steals, he shoots, HE SCORES!
%%
Jesus saves! Long pass to Moses -- the shot is up, it's GOOD!
%%
Jesus saves, Moses invests and Cthulhu forecloses!
%%
Jesus Saves, Moses Invests. But only Buddha pays Dividends.
%%
Jesus saves. Moses invests. Cthulhu repossesses.
%%
Jesus saves. Moses invests. Cthulhu squanders.
%%
Jesus Saves. Moses invests. Feminizts just steal..
%%
Jesus saves, Moses invests, Strawberry preserves.
%%
Jesus Saves - not on my salary he doesn't.
%%
Jesus saves; now offering 14.9% !!
%%
JESUS SAVES!...Passes to Jordan...Who JAMS it home!
%%
Jesus saves ... Passes to Moses ... Shoots ... Scores!
%%
Jesus saves sinners... and redeems them for valuable cash prizes
 -- John Wichers (wichers@husc4.HARVARD.EDU)
%%
JESUS SAVES SINNERS! (He must have a lot by now)
%%
Jesus Saves. The Pope makes tape backups.
%%
JESUS SAVES. The rest of us better make backups.
%%
Jesus Saves... Vishnu Invests... Cthulhu Forecloses...
%%
Jesus Saves - with the Woolwich.
%%
Jesus Saves!  With today's prices, that's a miracle!
%%
Jesus walked on water - Elvis surfed.
Jesus said, "love thy neighbor." - Elvis said, "Don't be cruel."
Jesus was a carpenter - Elvis's favorite high school class was wood
shop.
Jesus lived in a state of grace in the near east - Elvis lived in
Graceland in a near eastern state.
Mary, an important woman in Jesus's life, had an immaculate conception
- Priscilla, an important woman in Elvis's life, went to immaculate
conception high school.
Jesus's father, God, is everywhere - Elvis's father was a drifter &
moved around a lot.
%%
Jesus walked on water. Matt.14:25  Elvis surfed. Blue Hawaii 1965
%%
Jesus was a carpenter. Elvis' favorite h.s. class was wood shop.
%%
Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side.
 -- Archie Bunker
%%
Jesus was killed by a Moral Majority.
%%
Jesus was part of the Trinity. Elvis' first band was a trio.
%%
Jesus was the lamb of God. Elvis had mutton chop sideburns.
%%
Jesus was the Son of God. Elvis first recorded with Sun Studios.
%%
Jesus wore a crown of thorns.  Elvis wore Royal Crown hair styler.
%%
Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow!
%%
Jethro Q. Bunn Whackett Buzzard Stubble and Boot Walrustitty
%%
Jethro Q. Bunn Whackett Walrustitty: the Silly Candidate in `96!
%%
Jetlag accumulates unit directionally towards maximum
difficulty to perform.
 -- Law of Promotional Tours
%%
Jev: "Father, you know you're not supposed to probe someone's memory unless
  they've given you permission."
Tarmin: "You are right.  But sometimes, with a beautiful woman, I cannot help
  myself."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Jev: "Imzati..."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Jev: "It's a pleasant memory, stay with it."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45431.7
%%
Jev: "My father has never been one to admit that he's wrong."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45433.2
%%
Jev: "Oh, that's right, you're an empath." Troi: "Oh, I can't read
Ullians.  But I do know a certain Betazoid mother who is  a great
deal like your father."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Jev: "Why do you have to be so nice?  So...so nice."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45433.2
%%
Jewelers mount real gems.
%%
Jewels five-words-long,
That on the stretch'd forefinger of all Time
Sparkle forever.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part ii, Line 355
%%
Jewish boy to parents: "Mom, Dad...I think I'm goy."
%%
Jewish Holidays: Hannah Kuhh
%%
Jewish Mysticism: Lev Itation
%%
JEWS-HARP, n.  An unmusical instrument, played by holding it fast with
the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Jews worry about doing it.
%%
:JFCL: /jif'kl/, /jaf'kl/, /j*-fi'kl/ vt., obs. (alt.
   `jfcl') To cancel or annul something.  "Why don't you jfcl that
   out?"  The fastest do-nothing instruction on older models of the
   PDP-10 happened to be JFCL, which stands for "Jump if Flag set and
   then CLear the flag"; this does something useful, but is a very
   fast no-operation if no flag is specified.  Geoff Goodfellow, one
   of the jargon-1 co-authors, had JFCL on the license plate of his
   BMW for years.  Usage: rare except among old-time PDP-10
   hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
JFFZ    Jump if Find First Zero.
%%
JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head!
%%
J.F.K. -- The Man and the Airport
 -- Suggested book title
%%
JFM: Jump on Full Moon
%%
Jheeesh!!!
%%
JHRB: Jump to H&R Block
%%
:jiffy: n. 1. The duration of one tick of the system clock on the
   computer (see {tick}).  Often one AC cycle time (1/60 second in
   the U.S. and Canada, 1/50 most other places), but more recently
   1/100 sec has become common.  "The swapper runs every 6 jiffies"
   means that the virtual memory management routine is executed once
   for every 6 ticks of the clock, or about ten times a second.
   2. Confusingly, the term is sometimes also used for a 1-millisecond
   {wall time} interval.  Even more confusingly, physicists
   semi-jokingly use `jiffy' to mean the time required for light to
   travel one foot in a vacuum, which turns out to be close to one
   *nanosecond*.  3. Indeterminate time from a few seconds to
   forever.  "I'll do it in a jiffy" means certainly not now and
   possibly never.  This is a bit contrary to the more widespread use
   of the word.  Oppose {nano}. See also {Real Soon Now}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Jiffy:
 The time it takes for light to go one centimeter in a vacuum.
%%
Jigglysomething: the way the camera bounces in yuppie commercials.
%%
Jim and Tammy Bakker are back on television, which proves that there was a
 much larger market for the Edsel than anyone thought there might be...
%%
Jim and Tammy Bakker are the only people I know who are a disgrace to their
 underwear.
%%
Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker are haunted by fear, and it has not limits.
%%
Jim Cooper, Congressman (Tenn.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Jim, I'm a doctor not a prostitute!
%%
Jim, I'm a programmer, not a paleologist! :-<
%%
Jim...it's been 7 years, Jim...hold still, Jim.
%%
Jim?  It's Grace at the bank.  I checked your Christmas Club
account.  You don't have five hundred dollars; you have fifty.
Sorry, computer foul-up!
%%
Jim, it's Jack, I'm at the airport.  I'm going to Tokyo and wanna pay
you the five-hundred I owe you.  Catch you next year when I get back!
%%
Jim?  It's Maria over at the laundromat.  There's a yellow dress in
with your things.  Is that a mistake, or special handling, or what?
%%
Jimmer the .QWK mail door for RBBS.
%%
 (Jimmy Buffett's "This Hotel Room:")  I ain't home, I ain't
 home, you better leave a message 'cause I ain't home.
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
Jimmy Carter says the GOP Convention was "a debacle." That's French
for Trust Me.
 -- National Review
%%
Jimmy Dean -- Rebel Without a Sausage.
%%
Jimmy Hoffa--please call home.
%%
Jimmy Hoffa, please call your office immediately!
%%
Jimmy Pearson for Kansas State Executioner!
%%
Jimmy Stewart played the father on a southern plantation when a young man came
to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage.  The father asked, "Well, do you
like her?"  The young man responded " - I love her!"

The father replied, "Love is easy.  There's no thinking involved.  It's just
feelings dragging you around.  But your friends, who you like, you choose.
When you learn to like her, then you can marry her."
%%
Jimmy Swaggart is a buy-sexual.
%%
Jimmy Swaggart is haunted by the omnivorous fear that someone, somewhere,
 is able to be happy without sending him money.
%%
Jimmy Swaggart says let those Catholics have their silly bingo. He is into
 stud poker!
%%
Jimmy Swaggart was considering cremation, but God spoke to him and he no
 longer entertains this idea. God told him, "I'll take care of that when you
 get here."
%%
Jim?  This is Janelle.  I'm flying tonight, so I can't make our date,
and I've gotta find a safe place for Daffy.  He loves you, Jim!  It's
only two days, and you'll see.  Great Danes are no problem!
%%
Jim, this is Matty down at Ralph's and Mark's.  Some guy
named Angel Martin just ran up a fifty buck bar tab, and
now he wants to charge it to you.  You gonna pay it?
%%
Jim watches in amazement as Spock's ears sprout broccoli.
%%
Jim.  Your name...is Jim.
 -- Spock to Kirk, "ST III:  The Search for Spock," stardate 8210.3
%%
Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin's flaming gay,
Catwoman's on the corner,
Charging fifty for a lay | Turning tricks all day
%%
Jingshen is the Mandarin word for spirit and vivacity.  It is an important
word for those who would lead, because above all things, spirit and
vivacity set effective organizations apart from those that will decline
and die.
 -- James L. Hayes, Memos for Management:  Leadership, 1983
%%
jIQub vaj jIwuQ  (I think, therefore I have a headache)
%%
J is a consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel --
than which nothing could be more absurd.  Its original form, which has
been but slightly modified, was that of the tail of a subdued dog, and
it was not a letter but a character, standing for a Latin verb,
_jacere_, "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a dog the
dog's tail assumes that shape.  This is the origin of the letter, as
expounded by the renowned Dr. Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of
Belgrade, who established his conclusions on the subject in a work of
three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being reminded that the
j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
J. J. Pickle, Congressman (Tex.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
JLP: Jump and Lose Pointer
%%
JLR: Jump and Lose Return
%%
JMAT: JuMp on Alternate Thursdays
%%
JMP if you love assembly language!
%%
JN: Jump to Nowhere
%%
JNL: Jump when programmer is Not Looking
%%
Joachim: "Impulse power restored."
Khan: "Excellent.  More than a match for poor Enterprise."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Joachim: "They go in there, we'll lose them."
Khan: "*Explain* it to them!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Joachim: "They're requesting communications, sir."
Khan: "Let them eat static!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Joachim: "They're still running with shields down."
Khan: "Of course, we are one big happy fleet!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4  
%%
Joan Baez has more combat experience than Bill Clinton!
%%
Joan Collins makes a movie each year, and she has just started on her 67th
 movie.
%%
Joan of Arc: patron saint of welders
%%
Jobbies Bottoms Willies Farts Fannies and Poohs
%%
JOB: Jump On Beaver
%%
Job not found: (A)bort (R)etry (W)elfare
%%
Job Placement, n.: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%%
Jobs don't kill programmers. Programmers kill jobs.
%%
:job security: n. When some piece of code is written in a
   particularly {obscure} fashion, and no good reason (such as time
   or space optimization) can be discovered, it is often said that the
   programmer was attempting to increase his job security (i.e., by
   making himself indispensable for maintenance).  This sour joke
   seldom has to be said in full; if two hackers are looking over some
   code together and one points at a section and says "job security",
   the other one may just nod.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Jockeys do it at the gate.
%%
Jockeys do it on the horse-back.
%%
Jockeys do it with their horses.
%%
Jockeys do it with whips and saddles.
%%
jock hitch
(hawk hitch) v.: to adjust the family jewels in public. "Those spotty
creeps on the corner jock hitch every time I walk by."
%%
:jock: n. 1. A programmer who is characterized by large and somewhat
   brute-force programs.  See {brute force}.  2. When modified by
   another noun, describes a specialist in some particular computing
   area.  The compounds `compiler jock' and `systems jock' seem to be
   the best-established examples.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Joe and Willie were partners in the fur business, and they agreed that
 whichever one died first, the other would place one thousand dollars in the
 coffin of the deceased to cover whatever expenses came up in the next
 world.

 Some time after the agreement was made, Willie passed away. When Joe
 returned from the funeral, the wife said, "I bet you were too cheap to put
 one thousand dollars in the coffin like you promised." Joe swore that he
 did. "I tell you, I put one thousand dollars in the coffin. Here, look at
 the checkbook.
 -- Eddie Cantor
%%
Joe Biden writes these quotes down...I wonder why?
%%
Joe came home to a wife and a revolver.  His gun was loaded too.
The feeling was quite mutual.
%%
:joe code: /joh' kohd`/ n. 1. Code that is overly {tense} and
   unmaintainable.  "{Perl} may be a handy program, but if you look
   at the source, it's complete joe code."  2. Badly written,
   possibly buggy code.

   Correspondents wishing to remain anonymous have fingered a
   particular Joe at the Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory and observed
   that usage has drifted slightly; the original sobriquet `Joe code'
   was intended in sense 1.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Joe, did you get Jean's ansi figured out yet?
%%
Joe McCarthy was cloned, and the clone calls himself Limbaugh.
%%
Joe McCarthy would have wanted everyone to use MS-DOS.
%%
Joe's Mortuary: You Stab 'Em, We Slab 'Em!
%%
Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes.
%%
Joe Winnett : 4015 Penrod; Dallas, Tx. 75211
%%
Joe Wins at a Track Meet: C. Howie Runns
%%
JOEY!  JOEY!  JOEY THE LEMUR!
%%
JOGGER:
An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
%%
Joggers and zodiacs and darts, WTF!
%%
Joggers do it on the run.
%%
Jogging has become so popular that I increased my pace from a plod to an
 amble. Already, I had moved forward gear from shuffle to plod. I just don't
 know if I can keep the pace!
%%
Joh. Mayor, in the first book of his "History of Scotland," contends
much for the wholesomeness of oaten bread; it was objected to him,
then living at Paris, that his countrymen fed on oats and base grain....
And yet Wecker out of Galen calls it horse-meat, and fitter juments
than men to feed on.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 1
%%
John Anderson my jo, John,
  When we were first acquent,
Your locks were like the raven,
  Your bonny brow was brent.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- John Anderson
%%
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
%%
John Birch Society -- that pathetic manifestation of organized
apoplexy.
 -- Edward P. Morgan
%%
John Bobbit:  A man without peer!
%%
John Bobbit has no hard feelings about what his wife did.
%%
John Bobbitt's pick up line: Wanna see something funny?
%%
 John:   Brad, will you get the phone?
 Brad:   (Sound of frantically clattering keyboard.)  I can't!
         I'm playing Omega!
 John:   Ambar, will you get the phone?
 Ambar:  I can't!  I'm late for work!  (Sound of slamming door.)
 John:   Aimee, will you get the phone?
 Aimee:  (Sound of running water.)  I can't!  I'm in the shower!
 John:   Glenn, will you get the -- (disgusted) Ah, Glenn's in
         Denver.  Please leave a message.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
John Bryant, Senator (Tex.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
JOHN CLEESE PLAYED: SECOND SOLDIER WITH A KEEN INTEREST IN BIRDS, LARGE MAN
                    WITH DEAD BODY, BLACK KNIGHT, MR NEWT (A VILLAGE
                    BLACKSMITH INTERESTED IN BURNING WITCHES), A QUITE
                    EXTRAORDINARILY RUDE FRENCHMAN, TIM THE WIZARD, SIR
                    LAUNCELOT
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
    [John] Dalton's records, carefully preserved for a
century, were destroyed during the World War II bombing of
Manchester.  It is not only the living who are killed in war.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
John Denver died for your sins. Well, he should.
%%
John D. Schapiro, Chairman, Boston Metals, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
John D. Waihee III, Governor (Ha.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
John E. Dolibois, U.S. Ambassador to Luxembourg, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
John Foster Dulles?  He was named for my grandfather. -John Foster
%%
John Hancock..when you want to send the very best!
%%
John Hancock - - Where arrrrre you?
%%
John Kellner's egotism is a plain case of mistaken nonentity.
%%
John Lennon's assassin was carrying a copy of "The Catcher in the
Rye" when he shot the famous Beatle in 1980.
%%
John Lennon:
That's not a real f%*king gun!
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
John loves Marry.  Too bad he's married to Sue!
%%
John M. Wright, Jr., Comptroller Gen. of the Army, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Johnnie was a chemist,
A chemist he is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
NOTE: H2O is water, H2SO4 is sulfuric acid
%%
Johnny Cash -- Coins you keep to use a pay toilet.
%%
John P. Murtha, Congressman (Penn.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
John Tyler, Andrew Johnson, Millard Fillmore and Chester Arthur did
not make Inaugural Addresses.
%%
John von Neumann was in the audience at a physics talk.  The speaker
had put up a slide showing some widely scattered points.  The speaker
had bravely tried to fit a curve to the data, and had plotted a line.

Von Neumann leaned over to a friend and whispered: "well, at least they
lie on a plane."
%%
John Wayne's World:  Party time, Pilgrim.
%%
Join AAA-AA ... the car club for people who are driven to drink.
%%
Join Amnesiacs Anonymous at um, er...
%%
Join Campus Crusade for Cthulhu. Dial 1-800-OLD-ONES Today!
%%
Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
%%
Join D.A.M.  -  Mothers Against Dyslexia
%%
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country.  It's called
 "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle.  The first person to
 do anything loses.
%%
Join my war on technology...send me a FAX.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
Join STET--Society To Eliminate Taglines
%%
Join Taglines Anonymous.  We can help.
%%
Join the Al Gore fan club - tar & feathers will be provided.
%%
Join the Anti-Football League.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Join the Army:
Travel to exotic distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people and kill them.
%%
Join the Athletics conference today!
%%
Join the Bill Clinton fan club - tar & feathers will be provided.
%%
Join the Cthulhu Corps; it's not just a job, it's a higher position under
an elder god.
%%
Join the few, the proud, the truly weird.
%%
Join the Group Mind - become a Borg
%%
Join the hate group of your choice and be a Liberal!
%%
Join the Hernia Society.  It needs your support.
%%
Join the joyride!
%%
Join the Klingon Overhand Bowling Team.
%%
Join the march to save individuality!
%%
Join the NTA: The National Tagline Association
%%
-------         Join the Pythagorean Reform Church!               .
\    /        Repent of your evil irrational numbers             . .
 \  /   and bean eating ways. Accept 10 into your heart!        . . .
  \/   Call the Pythagorean Reform Church BBS at 508-793-9568  . . . .
%%
Join the Ross Perot fan club - tar & feathers will be provided.
%%
Join the war against violence!
%%
Jo Jo was a man who thought he was a tagline...
%%
Jo Jo was a man who thought he was a woman...
%%
:jolix: n. /joh'liks/ n.,adj. 386BSD, the freeware port of the
   BSD Net/2 release to the Intel i386 architecture by Bill Jolitz and
   friends.  Used to differentiate from BSDI's port based on the same
   source tape, which is called BSD/386.  See {BSD}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Jolt is for Windows programmers. It's typical IBM PC: it goes in brown
and comes out yellow. Mountain Dew is for Macintosh programmers: it
goes in yellow and comes out yellow. It's WYSIWYP.
 -- Guy Kawasaki
%%
JOM: Jump Out of Memory
%%
JOM: Jump Over Moon
%%
Joni is one of our prize citizens; we're giving her away next week.
%%
JOP     Jump on OPerator
%%
Joshu asked the teacher Nansen, "What is the True Way?"

 Nansen answered, "Every way is the true Way."

 Joshu asked, "Can I study it?"

 Nansen answered, "The more you study, the further from the Way."

 Joshu asked, "If I don't study it, how can I know it?"

 Nansen answered, "The Way does not belong to things seen: nor to things
 unseen. It does not belong to things known: nor to things unknown. Do not
 seek it, study it, or name it. To find yourself on it, open yourself as
 wide as the sky."
%%
Joshu is my favorite Zen Master. It is said that a monk once asked him,
To be holy - what is it like?
      Joshu replied, To dump a mountain of shit on a clean plain.
 -- Disk Sutphen
%%
JOSS-STICKS, n.  Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan
tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Journalism is literature in a hurry.
 -- Matthew Arnold
%%
Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people
 who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
%%
Journalists are born.  Why, nobody knows.
%%
Journalists aren't liars...they're factually challenged.
%%
Journalists cover words and delude themselves into thinking they have
committed journalism.
 -- Hedrick Smith
%%
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man's son doth know.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Journeys, like artists, are born and not made.
A thousand differing circumstances contribute to them,
few of them willed or determined by the will.
 -- whatever we think.
 -- Lawrence Durrell, author
%%
Jove lifts the golden balances that show
The fates of mortal men, and things below.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 271
%%
Jove weighs affairs of earth in dubious scales,
And the good suffers while the bad prevails.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vi, Line 229
%%
Joy can be many things.
 -- Dr. Miranda Jones, "Is There In Truth No Beauty?" stardate 5630.7.
%%
Joycelyn Elders has no wind in the windmills of her mind!
%%
Joycelyn Elders - living proof that quotas reduce quality
%%
Joy comes, grief goes, we know not how.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Vision of Sir Launfal, Prelude to Part First
%%
Joy is wealth and love is the legal tender of the soul.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
Joy of Sox - Boston and Chicago Baseball Players.
 -- SLR
%%
Joys of Cowardice: Lily Livard
%%
Joystick: A peripherial intended for use only by consenting adults.
%%
JOYSTICK:  Peripheral used by consulting adults.
%%
Joys too exquisite to last,
And yet more exquisite when past.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Little Cloud
%%
JPA: Jump when Pizza Arrives
%%
:J. Random Hacker: [MIT] /J rand'm hak'r/ n. A mythical figure
   like the Unknown Soldier; the archetypal hacker nerd.  See
   {random}, {Suzie COBOL}.  This may originally have been
   inspired by `J. Fred Muggs', a show-biz chimpanzee whose name was a
   household word back in the early days of {TMRC}, and was
   probably influenced by `J. Presper Eckert' (one of the co-inventors
   of the electronic computer).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:J. Random: /J rand'm/ n. [generalized from {J. Random Hacker}]
   Arbitrary; ordinary; any one; any old.  `J. Random' is often
   prefixed to a noun to make a name out of it.  It means roughly
   `some particular' or `any specific one'.  "Would you let
   J. Random Loser marry your daughter?"  The most common uses are
   `J. Random Hacker', `J. Random Loser', and `J. Random Nerd'
   ("Should J. Random Loser be allowed to {gun} down other
   people?"), but it can be used simply as an elaborate version of
   {random} in any sense.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
JRAN: Jump RANdom
%%
JRCF: Jump Relative and Catch Fire
%%
JRGA: Jump Relative and Get Arrested
%%
JRL: Jump to Random Location
%%
:JR[LN]: /J-R-L/, /J-R-N/ n. The names JRL and JRN were
   sometimes used as example names when discussing a kind of user ID
   used under {{TOPS-10}} and {WAITS}; they were understood to be
   the initials of (fictitious) programmers named `J. Random Loser'
   and `J. Random Nerd' (see {J. Random}).  For example, if one
   said "To log in, type log one comma jay are en" (that is,
   "log 1,JRN"), the listener would have understood that he should
   use his own computer ID in place of `JRN'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
J. Roy Rowland, Jr., Congressman (Ga.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
JRSR: Jump to Random SubRoutine
%%
:JRST: /jerst/ [based on the PDP-10 jump instruction] v.,obs. To
   suddenly change subjects, with no intention of returning to the
   previous topic.  Usage: rather rare except among PDP-10 diehards,
   and considered silly.  See also {AOS}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
JSC: Jump on System Crash
%%
JSOR: Jump Somewhere Over Rainbow
%%
JSP: Jump on Sexy Programmer
%%
J'suis le Grand Zombie!
%%
JSU: Jump Self Unconditional
%%
JTC: Jump To Conclusions
%%
J. Terry Sanford, Senator (N.C.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
JT: Jump if Tuesday
%%
JTT: Jump and Tangle Tape
%%
JTZ: Jump to Twilight Zone
%%
Judas had given them the slip.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Matthew xxii
%%
Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Judge:  An unemployed lawyer who wears a black dress.
%%
Judge: "Captain James T. Kirk, Doctor Leonard McCoy, in the interests of...
  fostering amity, for the forthcoming peace talks, the sentence of death is...
  commuted.  It is the judgement of this court, that without possibility of
  repreive or parole, you be taken from this place, to the dilithium mines of
  the penal asteroid of Rura Penthe, there to spend the rest of your natural
  lives!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Judge: "It is the determination of this court that the prisoners are...*guilty*
  as charged."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Judge me by my size, you will?
%%
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Judge not a carpenter on how fast chips fly.
%%
Judge not according to the appearance.
 -- New Testament
 -- John vii, 24
%%
Judge not a hockey player by his strength, but by his lost teeth!
%%
Judge not the horse by his saddle.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
Judge people by what they are, not where they are.
%%
Judge Rush Limbaugh by looking at those who praise him.
%%
Judges do it in chambers.
%%
Judge Sternwood:   So, Agent Cooper, how are you finding our little corner of
                   the world?
Cooper:     It's heaven, sir.
Judge S.:   Well, this week heaven includes arson, multiple homicide, and an
            attempt on the life of a Federal agent.
Cooper:     Heaven is a large and interesting place, sir!
 -- Judge Sternwood & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Judges watch it and give scores.
%%
Judges you by the standards of three centuries ago.
Occasionally makes it hard to get work done.
(George Bush, and Q)
%%
Judging a being by its physical appearance is the last major human
  prejudice, Wesley.
 -- Data, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
Judging a piece of fiction by the quality of its writing without considering
 its subject matter is like buying a car because it has a pretty paint job,
 without considering the state of its engine and transmission.
 -- Kelvin Throop III
%%
Judging by the size of its mandibles, this chap doesn't
    live on plankton.
 -- Harry Sullivan, ARK IN SPACE
%%
Judging Fast Food: Warren Berger
%%
Judging from their laughter, the children at school found my remarks
  humorous. So without understanding humor, I have somehow mastered it.
 -- Lal to Data, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
Judging from the taste, I'd say the other one is shinola.
%%
Judicial reform is no sport for the short-winded.
%%
Judicious drank, and greatly daring din'd.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 318
%%
Judy Swain: An orphan, you know.
Andy:       Really?  What happened?  Did his parents die?
 -- Judy Swain & Deputy Andy Brennan, _Twin Peaks_
%%
JUGGLERS do it in a flash
%%
Jugglers do it 'til they drop.
%%
Jugglers do it with more balls.
%%
Jugglers do it with their balls in the air.
%%
Jugglers have lots of balls.
%%
Jugglers know how to handle LOTS of things . . .
%%
:juggling eggs: vi. Keeping a lot of {state} in your head while
   modifying a program.  "Don't bother me now, I'm juggling eggs",
   means that an interrupt is likely to result in the program's being
   scrambled.  In the classic first-contact SF novel "The Mote in
   God's Eye", by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle, an alien describes
   a very difficult task by saying "We juggle priceless eggs in
   variable gravity."  See also {hack mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
July 4. Statistics show that we loose more fools on this day
than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves,
by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is
now inadequate, the country has grown so.
%%
Jumbo Shrimp?! Let's think about that.
%%
Jumbo shrimp.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
JUM: Jeer at User's Mistake
%%
Jumped the track.
%%
'Jumper cables': Rum and Jolt Cola.
%%
Jumpies: Downwardly mobile (9.8m/sec}) Yuppies
%%
Jumping Off a Cliff: Eugo First
%%
Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise ..
%%
JUMPIN' JESUS ON A POGO STICK!
%%
:jump off into never-never land: [from J. M. Barrie's "Peter
   Pan"] v. Same as {branch to Fishkill}, but more common in
   technical cultures associated with non-IBM computers that use the
   term `jump' rather than `branch'.  Compare {hyperspace}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
JUMP OFF OF THE CLIFF by Hugo First
%%
Jump out the window if you are the object of passion. Flee it if you feel
 it.... Passion goes, boredom remains.
 -- Coco Chanel
%%
Jump to the jam/Boogie-woogie jam slam...
%%
Jungle: a rain forest with poor public relations.
%%
Junior! Quit playing with your floppy!
%%
Juniper: contraction meaning "Did you bite that female?"
%%
Junk Bonds: what Michael Milken and the S.F. Giants have in common.
%%
Junk journalism is the evidence of a society that
 has at least one thing right, that there should be
 nobody with the power to dictate where responsible
 journalism begins.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
Junk software doesn't require MNP transfers
%%
Junk: stuff we throw away.  Stuff: junk we keep.
%%
Jupiter has loaded us with a couple of wallets: the one, filled with
our own vices, he has placed at our backs; the other, heavy with those
of others, he has hung before.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book iv, Fable 10, 1
%%
:jupiter: [IRC] vt. To kill an {IRC} {robot} or user and
   then take its place by adopting its {nick} so that it cannot
   reconnect.  Named after a particular IRC user who did this to
   NickServ, the robot in charge of preventing people from
   inadvertently using a nick claimed by another user.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Jupiter, now assuredly is the time when I could readily consent to be slain,
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5, 2, (550.)
%%
Jupiter's passed through Orion and come into conjunction with Mars. Saturn
 is wheeling through infinite space to its preordained place in the stars.
 And I gaze at the planets in wonder--at the time and trouble they expend.
 All to warn me to be careful in dealings involving a friend.
 -- Donald Swann
%%
[Jupiter's] satellites are invisible to the naked eye and therefore
can have no influence on the Earth and therefore would be useless and
therefore do not exist.
 -- Francesco Sizi, quoted by T. Cox
%%
"Jurassic Park II: Barney Goes Off His Medication"
 -- Movie sequel?
%%
Jurassic Park: The Tagline!
%%
Juries scare me. I don't want to put my fate in the hands of twelve people
 who weren't even smart enough to get out of jury duty."
 -- Monica Piper
%%
Jury: A group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their
hearing, health, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Jury Gets Drunk Driving Case Here
 -- Headline
%%
Just 3 points- WHERE am I, WHO am I, & who're YOU? The Rani!
 -- 7th Dr.
%%
Just a 2 bit programmer on a 32 bit machine.
%%
Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
(and nobody cares about it).
 -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
%%
Just about the only thing more numerous than zucchini are the number of
 recipes for disguising the stuff as something else. Clearly, it is
 something else.
%%
Just adding features because 'it won't hurt'--does.
%%
Just add water, and Mr. Tea does the rest!
 -- Fr. Guido Sarducci
%%
Just a harmless little fuzzball.
%%
Just a hitchiker on the information superhighway.
%%
Just a lil angel with a dirty face.
%%
Just a little faster...its not usually this soft.
 -- Greg Marmaland
%%
Just a little picture before the lights go out.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 4.0 Chapter 4.  ABEND Dumps
%%
Just a little pin prick...
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
Just a little pin-prick... there'll be no more...
%%
Just a little 'slow' at times.
%%
Just a modern modem mage cruising the electronic highways.
%%
Just a moment.. I have another call..
%%
Just an amoeba in the Petri dish of life.
%%
Just an eccentric soul with a curiosity for the bizarre.
%%
Just an observation: if I wanted to flame you, you'd be ashes already!
%%
Just another bit of wit and wisdom from Wintzell's Oyster House.
%%
Just another day in paradise...
%%
Just another dull moment in TAGLINES.MR
%%
Just another flash in the bedpan.
%%
Just another Happy Novell DOS 7 user - keep them fixes comming!!
%%
Just another idiot with a modem...
%%
Just another inmate in this ASYLUM!!!
%%
Just another prisoner of gravity!!
%%
Just another random quote.
%%
Just another typical day aboard the USS Forrestal.
%%
Just another useless, unnecessary tagline!
%%
Just another wrinkle in the fabric of Time.
%%
Just a peaceful person in a violent world.
%%
- "..just appalling"    George Bush (USA) (bigboss@white-house.wash.gov)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Just a puppet who can see the strings.
%%
Just are the ways of God,
And justifiable to men;
Unless there be who think not God at all.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 293
%%
Just are the ways of Heaven: from Heaven proceed
The woes of man; Heaven doom'd the Greeks to bleed,--
A theme of future song!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book viii, Line 631
%%
Just a RIME without a reason.....
%%
`JUST A ROBOT?!'  How would you like it if I
 called you `Just a Jew?'
 -- Luthor the robot loses his temper in AMERICAN FLAGG!
%%
Just as a diamond is not polished without
 friction, a great man is not made without adversity.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I "swarm about" to
 protect my nest of chocolate eggs.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Just as cute as a baby python!
%%
Just a sec......yep, I hear a beer calling me!
%%
Just a shameless ascii thief...
%%
Just as happy as a clam at high tide.
%%
Just a simple 'Yes' or 'No' is all I understand.
%%
Just as knights of old, a Scout's duty is to God, honor and country.
%%
Just as lexically words are put into sentences, conceptually concepts
are put into what we call conceptualizations.
 -- R. C. Schank, "Conceptual Dependency Theory", p. 40
%%
Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good
solutions seldom black or white.  Beware of the solution that requires
one side to be totally the loser and the other side to be totally the
winner.  The reason there are two sides to begin with usually is
because neither side has all the facts.  Therefore, when the wise
mediator effects a compromise, he is not acting from political
motivation.  Rather, he is acting from a deep sense of respect for the
whole truth.
 -- Stephen R. Schwambach
%%
Just as Schopenhauer predicted, absolutely nothing is happening.
%%
"JUST a statue!  Is the Statue of Liberty JUST a statue?  Is the Leaning Tower
of 'pizza' JUST a statue?"
 -- Homer to Bart in "Tell-Tale Head"
 -- (Homer pronounced it as 'pizza' not 'Pisa'), from The Simpsons
%%
Just as the prisoner was being strapped into the electric chair, the priest
 said, "Son, is there anything I can do for you?" The prisoner said, "Yeah,
 when they pull the switch, hold my hand."
 -- Dick Gregory
%%
Just as there are laws of Conservation of Matter and Energy, so there
are in fact Laws of Conservation of Pain and Joy. Neither can ever be
created or destroyed.
    But one can be converted into the other.
 -- Spider Robinson
%%
Just as there are three R's there are also three A's of business life.
They are: Ability, Ambition, and Attitude. Ability establishes what a
worker does and will bring him a paycheck. Ambition determines how much
he does and will get him a raise. Attitude guarantees how well he does.
 -- Wilbert E. Sheer
%%
Just as the sand-dunes, heaped one upon another, hide each the first,
so in life the former deeds are quickly hidden by those that follow
after.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vii, 34
%%
Just as you reach the other side, the bridge buckles beneath the
weight weight of the bear, which was still following you around. You
scrabble scrabble desperately for support, but as the bridge collapses you
stumble stumble back and fall into the chasm.
%%
Just a wee cot - the crickets chirr - love and the smiling face of her.
 -- James Whitcomb Riley
%%
Just Awful Things to Say to Those You Don't Like:
You insignificant ball of contaminated swamp mud.
You bucketful of elephant tooth plaque
You miserable substitute for real buzzard barf.
%%
Just because.
%%
Just because a dress is red satin doesn't mean it will come off easily.
%%
Just because a girl runs out doesn't mean she doesn't want you to follow.
 -- Guinan to Wesley, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness;
however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness
as Roo.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
Just because Commodore is toast, doesn't mean that Amiga is..
%%
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
 -- Irene Peter, Southern California Oracle
%%
Just because Gloria says it doesn't make it a fact.
%%
Just because he's dead doesn't mean he's not trying to out-think me.
%%
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
 -- Homer Simpson, trying to be a father to Lisa.
%%
Just because I'm a fan doesn't mean I'm robotic about Rush Limbaugh.
%%
Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating.
%%
Just because information has been published doesn't mean it shouldn't
be classified.
 -- Lincoln D. Faurer, NSA director
%%
Just because it has worked well for others is no sign it will work well for
 you.
%%
Just because it's hard doesn't
mean it's worth the effort.
 -- Goebel's Law of Useless Difficulty
%%
Just because it worked doesn't mean it works.
%%
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean
  it's useless.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
%%
Just because something is scientifically
true, doesn't mean it's not weird.
%%
Just because something is tradition doesn't make it right.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
   Just because they found Martin Bormann's skull doesn't mean he's
dead, my best beloved; for everyone knows that competent observers from
every neutral country have reported sighting an old man in Argentina
whose head is wrapped in bandages, and only the hunted eyes show, winking
and blinking beneath the thousands of cranial splints...
 -- William T. Vollman, You Bright and Risen Angels
%%
Just because we had sex, doesn't give you the right to take me to
dinner.
 -- Anonomous Porno Actress
%%
Just because you have my support doesn't mean I want you on my back!
%%
Just because you look good don't mean you feel good.  Fools always look
good in their coffins.
 -- Elvis
%%
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition
 doesn't mean he knows what it is.
%%
Just because you're having fun doesn't necessarily mean you're not working.
%%
Just because you're not having fun doesn't necessarily mean you're working.
%%
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you!
%%
Just because you're not working doesn't necessarily mean you're having fun.
%%
Just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
%%
Just because you're STUPID ain't no excuse.
%%
Just because you're working doesn't necessarily mean you're not having fun.
%%
Just because you say it doesn't make it true.
%%
Just because you understand what something should look like doesn't mean
 you know how to build it.
 -- karl@neosoft.com
%%
Just because you've eaten a sorcerer, doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer.
 -- Toth-aamon
%%
Just before the battle, Mother, I was thinking most of you. . .
 -- Sonny Barker
%%
Just before you pass out, you notice that the vapors from the
flask's contents are fatal.
%%
Just Being Pooh-like.
%%
Just being weird is enough.
%%
"Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple."
"Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Just below any trapdoor there may be another one. Just keep falling!
%%
Just between you and I case is important.
%%
Just call him the vacation president.
 -- An aide to President George Bush
%%
Just call on me, and I'll send it along.......
%%
Just cannot resist a little fun along the way. :-)
%%
Just 'cause it won't work YOU think its buggy.
%%
Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times,
and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'
 -- Glynda
%%
Just coz you're not paranoid, dont mean they aint watching!!
%%
Just crank it up!
%%
Just doing my bit to lower property values
%%
Just doing time on planet Earth...
%%
Just do it...explore the possibilities!!!
%%
Just do it.
 -- Nike
%%
Just don't create a file called -rf
 -- Larry Wall
%%
Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is
love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
 -- Ella Fitzgerald
%%
Just don't let Kirk show you what he calls "The Captain's Log."
%%
Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here.
%%
Just exactly how much 'Whiz' is in Cheese Whiz?
%%
Just follow the money in a political campaign and you'll follow the
power.
%%
Just for a change, I woke my DOG from a sound sleep to go for a walk.
%%
Just for a handful of silver he left us,
  Just for a riband to stick in his coat.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Lost Leader, i
%%
Just for the taste of it, Diet Coke.
 -- C. Thomas
%%
Just for today..... do not anger.
%%
Just gimma a slice of...
%%
Just gimme the killer B's...Beer, Blues, BBQ and BBros!
%%
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
%%
Just give me the coffee, and no one will get hurt.
%%
Just give me the straight gnus.
%%
Just give me what the Dr.ordered..OHHOOO Dr Pepper..
%%
Just give me your word, Mr. President, and I'll make the island
into a fucking parking lot.
 -- A quote in Newsweek attributed to Alexander Haig on Cuba
%%
Just going down to the gym for some exorcism.
%%
Just go out for a breath of air,
and you'll be ready for Medicare.
The city streets are really quite a thrill,
if the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
Pollution, pollution, wear a gas mask and a veil,
then you can breathe as long as you don't inhale.
 -- POLLUTION by Tom Lehrer
%%
Just got a new big screen TV for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new big screen TV for my girlfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new car for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new car for my girlfriend... Great trade...
%%
Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade!
%%
Just got a new computer for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new computer for my girlfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new ferret for my wife... Great trade.
%%
Just got a new house for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new house for my girlfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new pool table for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new pool table for my girlfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new truck for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got a new truck for my girlfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just got playoff tickets for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
%%
Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
%%
Just grab on this end and pull!
%%
Just hoping this isn't the usual way our missions will go, sir.
Oh no, Number One, I'm sure most will be much more interesting. Let's
  see what's out there. Engage.
 -- Riker and Picard, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
Just how high can you throw that thing?
%%
Just how much justice can you afford? <Londo<
%%
Just how much leg have I got?
%%
Just how SCSI *IS* your hard disk...?
%%
Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!
 -- Michael J. Wagner
%%
Justice and Law are two distinct and often disjoint subsets of life.
%%
Justice and solidarity feel good.  In the end.
 -- A comment on the price of liberty.  From AARGH!
%%
Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
Justice delayed is justice denied.
 -- William Gladstone
%%
Justice has nothing to do with what goes on in a courtroom, Justice is what
 comes out of a courtroom.
 -- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
Justice is dispensed with sometimes in the court system.
%%
Justice is having and doing what is one's own.
 -- Plato
%%
Justice is incidental to law and order.
 -- J. Edgar Hoover
%%
Justice is lame as well as blind among us.
 -- Otway
%%
Justice isn't blind...she's cross-eyed!
 -- Yakko
%%
Justice is truth in action.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Justice, like lightning, should ever appear
 To some men hope, to other men fear.
 -- Jefferson Pierce
%%
JUSTICE, n.  A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition
the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes
and personal service.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
%%
Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- On Mr. Justice Story, 1845, p. 300
%%
Justice system
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Justice without force is powerless;
force without justice is tyrannical.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
Justice?  You get justice in the next world, in this world you have the
law.
 -- William Gaddis, writer
%%
Justified flame withheld at moderator's request..
%%
Justify my text?  I'm sorry but it has no excuse.
%%
Justify 'stupid'....
 -- Avon
%%
Just ignore him.  He has no idea what he's talking about.
%%
Just in one of my moods. <*BURP*> I think that helped.
%%
Just-in-time terraforming.
%%
Just jiggle it a little, it'll open.
%%
Just Juggle It!
%%
Just keep feeding me the straight lines, guys.
%%
Just kidding about the $22.
%%
Just kidding, Cindy. JUST kidding! [GRIN]
%%
Just kidding Mr. Moderator!  *HEY*  I said just kidding!  OUCH!  STOP!
%%
Just knows, and knows no more, her Bible true,--
A truth the brilliant Frenchman never knew.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Truth, Line 327
%%
Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my Sears PONG game.
%%
Just let me hear some of that Rock and Roll..
%%
Just let the wardrobe do the acting.
 -- Jack Nicholson
 (to Michael Keaton, on the set of Batman)
%%
Just lie back and enjoy it!
%%
Just like '976-TALK', only better and cheaper.
%%
Just like the falling rainbow
Just like the stars in the sky
Life should never feel small.
 -- Vearncombe
 -- Black, Paradise
%%
Just look at that face. The face of a thinker, a warrior, a man for all
  seasons. Yet, Ira Graves was not perfect. Perhaps his greatest flaw was
  that he was too selfless. He simply cared too much about his fellow man,
  with nary a thought for himself. A man of limitless accomplishments and
  unbridled modesty. I can safely say that to know Ira Graves was to love
  him. And to love him was to know him. Those who know him LOVED him -
  while those who did not know him, loved him from afar -
 -- Data/Graves,  "The Schizoid Man", stardate 42437.5
%%
Just machines to make big decisions,
Programmed by men for compassion and vision,
We'll be clean when their work is done,
We'll be eternally free, yes, eternally young,
What a beautiful world this will be,
What a glorious time to be free.
 -- Donald Fagon, "IGY What A Beautiful World"
%%
Just men, by whom impartial laws were given;
And saints who taught and led the way to heaven.
 -- Thomas Tickell (1686-1740)
 -- On the Death of Mr. Addison, Line 41
%%
Just more roadkill on the Information Superhighway...
%%
Just my 78,000 lira worth.
%%
Just My Opinion (But I'm Always Right!)
%%
Just my two rubber ningis worth.
%%
  Just my vengeance complete,
  The man sprang to his feet,
Stood erect, caught at God's skirts, and prayed!
So, I was afraid!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Instans Tyrannus, vii
%%
Just nod if you can hear me.
%%
Just off of a beaten path.
%%
Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
immune to bullets
 -- Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, ROBOT "Dr. Who"
%%
Just one atomic bomb could ruin your whole day.
%%
Just one look and a whisper and they are gone.
%%
Just one more compile and I'll come to bed...
%%
Just one more dune to go. You said that three dunes ago!
%%
Just one more good thump and it should be working okay.
%%
Just one of the boys, eh?
Just one if the boys with an IQ of 2005.
 -- Guinan and Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Just one year of love is better than a lifetime alone...
 -- Queen
%%
Just on the border of your waking mind, there lies another time, where
darkness and light are one. And as you tread the halls of sanity, you feel
so glad to be unable to go beyond. I have a message from another time.....
 -- ELO: Prologue from the Time album Daicon IV Opening Animation
%%
Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
 of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?
 -- Patricia O Tuama, rissa@killer.DALLAS.TX.US
%%
Just outside the realm of reality, and somewhat west of Jersey.
%%
Just out! -- The "I wanna be a Klingon" head vice!
%%
Just passing through.
%%
Just pass me a beer and I'll shut up.
%%
Just plead the Fifth -- or drink  it -- either way.
%%
Just remember: Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain.
 He died in Washington, D.C.
 -- Firesign Theatre's HOW TO BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE
%%
"Just remember, he knows more than you do!"
  "I have a Master's Degree!"
"In SCIENCE!"
 -- Duck's Breath Mystery Theatre's Ask Mr. Science
%%
Just remember little paper boy - love's a heart breaker.
 -- Elvis, "Heart on a Chain", Eerie Indiana
%%
Just remember, so long as you don't hurt anybody, or talk badly about them,
 or take advantage of them sexually, you'll always be disappointingly dull.
 -- Eric Idlele
%%
Just remember that when you hook up to a computer you're hooking up to
all the computers that computer has hooked up to in the last 5 years.
%%
Just remember this, my girl, as you look up in the sky --
 You can see the stars and still not see the light.
%%
Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
 -- Charles Schulz
%%
JUST ROOTIN' AROUND.
%%
Just Say "Know!"
%%
Just Say No.
 -- Nancy Reagan
%%
"Just Say No."
 -- Nancy Reagan

"No."
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Just say "NO!" to death and taxes.
%%
Just say no! (To IBM)
%%
Just say NO! to Pc Tools...
%%
Just say 'NO!' to rugs
This message sponsored by the American Hardwood Floor Association.
%%
Just Say No to Sex with Pro-Lifers.
%%
Just say NO to single-menu BBS software!
%%
Just Say NO to tag lines.
%%
Just Say No: Will Power
%%
Just Say Whoa--Stop suicidal cavalry charges--Remember the 600...
%%
Just Scouting !!!!
%%
Just sit back and join me in a delightfully insane state of mind.
%%
Just sit out there and have them go through the moves. When you see
 something you don't like, change it.
 -- Joshua Logan
%%
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
%%
Just slightly ahead of it's time.
%%
Just some extemporaneous personal communication
%%
Just spent 4 hours buryin' the cat - wouldn't keep still..
%%
Just taggin' along for the Rime.
%%
Just tagging along for the pun of it.
%%
Just take a cold shower and sleep it off.
%%
Just take those old records off the shelf...
%%
Just Tell Me How To Follow Protocol.
%%
Just the facts, Ma'am.
 -- Joe Friday
%%
Just the facts, M'am.
%%
Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly
  good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Just the philanthropic sort of person I am.  Why should I deprive my
%%
`Just the place for a Snark!' the Bellman cried,
As he landed his crew with care;
Supporting each man on the top of the tide
  By a finger entwined in his hair.

'Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it twice:
That alone should encourage the crew.
Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it thrice:
What I tell you three times is true.'
%%
Just think: here we are, the afternoon sun beating down on us,
 a dead, bloated rhino underfoot and friends flying in from all over.
 I tell you, Ed, these are the best of times.
%%
Just think how much worse life could be!
%%
Just think-how would Bugs Bunny have handled this?
%%
Just think, IBM and DEC in the same room, and we did it.
 -- Ken Thompson, quoted by Dennis Ritchie
%%
Just think of a computer as hardware you can program.
 -- Nigel de la Tierre
%%
Just think of it as a live role-playing game
%%
"Just think!  With the push of a button, you could be a 500-story
 gastropod -- a slug the size of the Chrysler Building."
  "Gosh, how can I refuse?"
"Well, if you don't like that, be something else! I don't care!"
 -- CALVIN AND HOBBES
%%
Just think, with VLSI we can have 100 ENIACS on a chip!
 -- Alan Perlis
%%
Just to have it is enough.
%%
Just trying out a new thing or two ...
%%
Just trying to figure out which pain reliever is best is more than enough
 to give all of us a headache. Watching some of the claims on television
 gives us pains that no pill can remove.
%%
Just trying to keep up...
%%
'Just try trusting me' -- that's weak even by his
standards....
 -- Avon
%%
Just wait and see. The time will come when all men rise like one,
marries two women and chains one of the to the stove and the other
one to the bed.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Just wait until I reply to YOUR reply!
%%
Just weigh your own hurt against the hurt
of all the others, and then do what's best.
 -- Lovers and Other Strangers
%%
Just what can you teach dead people? Other than "stay".
%%
Just what chicken and which road are we talking about?
%%
Just what is a diet? A diet is self-denial. Fortunately, I'm such
a swell fellow I haven't the heart to deny myself anything!
 -- Garfield.
%%
Just what *IS* the best way to display a CSP collections?
%%
Just what the country needs -- more insurgent teams.
 -- From OUTLANDER
%%
Just when I figure out the meaning of life, there's a new upgrade.
%%
Just when I finally figure out where it's at- somebody moves it.
%%
...just when I had you wriggling in the crushing grip of reason, too...
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
Just when I've found the answer, you change the question.
%%
Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.
%%
Just when we finally got good at this, we     \_i_/
run out of planets. - a Voyager scientist    --[o]--
%%
Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.
%%
Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it anymore.
 -- William P. Lowrey
%%
Just when you got it all figured out:  An UPGRADE!
%%
Just when your ship comes in, it's the Kobayashi Maru.
%%
Just when you think it's finally settled, it isn't.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Just when you think it's hopelessly broken, it works.
%%
Just when you think you have a handle on how weird Eerie is during the
 day, the whole town does a bellyflop at night.
 -- Marshall, "Zombies in P.J.s", Eerie Indiana
%%
Just when you think you've finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
%%
Just when you thought it was over you were right.
%%
Just when you thought it was safe to buy a computer:

OS/2 -- The nightmare continues.
%%
Just when you thought it was safe to go outside...
%%
Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
%%
Just why does He make the rain fall
on the just and the unjust?
%%
Just win, baby.
 -- Al Davis.
%%
Just wrap your hands around my velvet rims
and strap yourself to my engins.
%%
Just Yell It.  Somebody Will Hear You!
%%
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Juxtaposition
 -- Dr Arnold Juxta's famous appendix to the Kama Sutra.
%%
JVC-the Northgate of the VCR world
%%
J. William Marriott, Jr., CEO, Marriott Corp., was an Eagle Scout.
%%
JWN: Jump When Necessary
%%
Jya mata! (Japanese, for "see you later")
%%
J'Y SUIS, J'Y PESTES - I can stay for the weekend.
%%
:kahuna: /k*-hoo'n*/ [IBM: from the Hawaiian title for a shaman] n.
   Synonym for {wizard}, {guru}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
KAINT: contraction for cannot.  "Yew kaint do that!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Kalami (n.)
 The ancient Eastern art of being able to fold road-maps properly.
%%
Kamikaze Chemist
%%
:kamikaze packet: n. The `official' jargon for what is more commonly
   called a {Christmas tree packet}. {RFC}-1025, "TCP and IP Bake Off"
   says:

     10 points for correctly being able to process a "Kamikaze"
     packet (AKA nastygram, christmas tree packet, lamp test
     segment, et al.).  That is, correctly handle a segment with the
     maximum combination of features at once (e.g., a SYN URG PUSH
     FIN segment with options and data).

   See also {Chernobyl packet}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Kamikaze Paranomasiac: each pun a killer.
%%
Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply.
%%
< Kane starts choking, this starts the scene where the Alien bursts from his
  chest>
"What's the matter man, the food ain't THAT bad?!"
 -- Parker, "Alien"
%%
:kangaroo code: n. Syn. {spaghetti code}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
KANGAROO
  Large marsupial that spends its time bouncing around the outback,
  leaping over wombats and echidnas, and being hunted by Aborigines
  with boomerangs. Does anyone actually believe this Aussie cliche
  stuff?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to
wear tail lights.
%%
KANSAS:
Where the men are men and so are the women!
%%
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years
and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some
of the worst movies in the history of the world.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Kardivilliwarrakurrakurrieapparlandoo
 -- name of a lake in Northern Australia
%%
Kareen: "Are you a Romulan?"
Worf: [Growls]  "Hardly."
 -- "The Schizoid Man", Stardate unknown
%%
"Karen has her own I, and she is not going to let Frank put his
data into it."
 -- F. D. Boswell Computer Science 240
%%
Kasha, n.:
    Kasha is always defined as buckwheat groats.    There's only
one problem with this definition: what the fuck are buckwheat
groats?    *I* know what they are -- they're kasha.   But that doesn't
help *you* much.
 -- Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish
%%
K - A term used in employment ads to disguise how much they are
really willing to pay.
%%
Kato, what is going on in that little yellow brain of yours?
 -- Chief Inspector Clouseau,
                         in reference to a priceless white
                         Steinway piano.
%%
Kawaresksenjajok, Harkabeeparolyn, shall we check out some legends for
ourselves?  And maybe make a few.
 -- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
 (Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":)  Thinking you
 were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached...
 (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE!  Leave your name and
 number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
K:      Cobalt's metal, hard and shining;
     Cobol's wordy and confining;
  KOBOLDS topple when you strike them;
  Don't feel bad, it's hard to like them.
 -- The Roguelet's ABC
%%
K/D Are you sure?  (Y or N): Yes.
Deleted all files (13870 blocks)
%%
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb.
%%
Keep a clear mind: quaff clear potions.
%%
Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you.
 -- Mae West
%%
Keep a man waiting, and he'll tally all your vices.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
%%
Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp! cries she
With silent lips.  Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me...
 -- Emma Lazarus, "The New Colossus"
%%
Keep a neat appearance at all times.
 -- Benjamin Ruggieroro
%%
Keep a stiff upper chin.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Keep away from fire or flame.
%%
Keep away from magnetism.
%%
Keep away from me, I didn't mean to reveal everything.
%%
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.  Small
people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too,
can become great.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Keep away from physicians. It is all probing and guessing and pretending
 with them. They leave it to Nature to cure in her own time, but they take
 the credit. As well as very fat fees.
 -- Anthony Burgess
%%
Keep changing. When you're through changing, you're through.
 -- Bruce Barton
%%
Keep close to Nature's heart... and break clear away, once in awhile, and
climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Keep cool; anger is not an argument.
 -- Daniel Webster
%%
Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze
 -- Hellman's Mayonnaise
%%
Keep cool; especially during meltdowns.
%%
Keep cool: it will be all done a hundred years hence.
 -- Emerson
%%
Keep cool; process promptly.
%%
Keep death off the roads: blow up a Volvo.
%%
Keep death off the roads.  Drive on the pavement.
%%
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
%%
Keeper: "Captain Pike has illusion, and you have reality.  May you
find your way
  as pleasant."
 -- "The Menagerie", Stardate unknown.
%%
Keep grandmothers off the streets - legalize bingo.
%%
Keeping freedom safe from democracy
%%
Keeping his calves still.
He cannot rescue him whom he follows.
His heart is not glad.
%%
Keeping his hips still.
Making his sacrum stiff.
Dangerous. The heart suffocates.
%%
Keeping his jaws still.
The words have order.
Remorse disappears.
%%
Keeping his toes still.
No blame.
Continued perseverance furthers.
%%
Keeping his trunk still.
No blame.
%%
Keeping proprietary and confidential information secret is the key to moving
 the computer industry into the 21st century.
 -- Letter from Apple Computer and Rasterops to the Macintosh user community
%%
Keeping Still. Keeping his back still
So that he no longer feels his body.
He goes into the courtyard
And does not see his people.
No blame.
%%
Keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.
 -- Roger Babson
%%
"Keep it Smelling Fresh" by Armand Hammer
%%
Keep looking.  What's lost will be found.
 -- Fleer's Double Bubble Fortune
%%
Keep me as the apple of the eye,
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xvii, 8
%%
Keep nature green: fuck a frog!
%%
Keep NZ Beautiful....  emigrate.
%%
Keep on rockin' in a free world.
%%
Keep out of reach of children.
%%
Keep patting your enemy on the back until a
small bullet hole appears between your fingers.
 -- Joe Bonanno
%%
Keep playing with the same toys.  But let's paint them a little
shinier.
 -- A domestic-policy adviser to President George Bush
%%
Keep that semi-soft cheese (Brie, Camenbert, Aloutte) out of the rotor
blades!
%%
Keep the bus clean. Throw your tickets out the window.
%%
Keep the golden mean
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 1072
%%
Keep the juices going by jangling around gently as you move.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
Keep the line moving.
 -- Written on grave
%%
Keep the number of passes in a compiler to a minimum.
 -- D. Gries
%%
Keep the phase, baby.
%%
Keep the pointy end forward and the dirty side down.
%%
Keep the Pope Off the Moon, It's The Only Place He Hasn't Been!
%%
Keep the war alive.
 -- A White House official,
 -- describing President Bush's 1992 reelection strategy
%%
Keep the wind in your solar sails...
 -- Glenn Clapp
%%
Keep things as they are.  Vote for the Sado-Masochist Party.
%%
Keep thy shop, and thy shop will keep thee.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Eastward Ho, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxiv, 13
%%
Keep up the good work!  But please don't ask me to help.
%%
KEEP, v.t.
    He willed away his whole estate,
        And then in death he fell asleep,
    Murmuring:  "Well, at any rate,
        My name unblemished I shall keep."
    But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought
    Whose was it? -- for the dead keep naught.
                                                     Durang Gophel Arn
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Keep what you've got; the ills that we know are the best.
 -- Plautus
%%
Keep women you cannot.  Marry them and they come to hate the way you walk
across the room; remain their lover, and they jilt you at the end of six
months.
 -- Moore
%%
Keep you Eye on the Ball,
 Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
 Your Nose to the Grindstone,
 Your Feet on the Ground,
 Your Head on your Shoulders.
 Now...try to get something DONE!
%%
Keep your armours away from rust.
%%
Keep your boss' boss off your boss' back.
 -- First Law of Corporate Survival
%%
Keep your broken arm inside your sleeve.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
Keep your chin up, it helps you keep your mouth shut.
%%
Keep your distance though, Chewie...but don't LOOK like your tryin' to keep
your distance.  I don't know...fly casual.
 -- Solo (Star Wars)
%%
Keep your ears open.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #7
%%
 Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground,
 take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing
 your metaphors.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Keep your emotional exchanges on a tranquil level.
%%
KEEP YOUR ENVIRONMENT CLEAN!
Recycle your shell variables.
%%
Keep your eye clear and hit 'em where they ain't.
 -- Wee Willie Keeler
%%
Keep your face to the sunshine
and you cannot see the shadow.
 -- Helen Keller
%%
Keep your fears to yourself; share your courage with others.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Keep your hands open, and all of the sands of the universe pass through them.
Close them, and all you can feel is a bit of grit.
 -- Taisen Deshimaru
%%
Keep your head up; act like a champion.
 -- Paul "Bear" Bryant
%%
Keep your laws off my body!
%%
Keep your nose to the wheel and your shoulder to the grindstone and you'll
end up with a hunchback and a flat face.
%%
Keep your sense of humor about your position.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Keep your stick on the ice.
%%
Keep your values off my family.
%%
Keep your weaponry away from acids.
%%
K'Ehleyr: "Don't play the wounded Klingon to me, Duras.  You don't do it very
  well."
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
K'Ehleyr, I will not be complete without you.
 -- Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
K'Ehleyr: "The son who betrays his people to the Romulans, just like his father
  did."
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
K'Ehleyr: "Upon due consideration of the problem and all possible *options*, my
  original recommendation stands!  Meeting adjourned!"
 -- "The Emissary", Stardate unknown
%%
K'Ehleyr: "What shall I tell Alexander, that he has no father?"
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
K'Ehleyr: "You talk like a Ferengi!"
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
Keiko: "*What* are these little dark things?"
O'Brien: "Capers."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Keiko: "What kind of food?"
O'Brien: "Scalloped potatoes, mutton shanks, ox tails and cabbage."
Keiko: "Kind of heavy."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Keiko: "What's what you're singing?"
O'Brien: "What?  Oh, it's just a little song.  A bunch of us used to sing it
  together on the Rutledge.  I hadn't thought about it in years."
Keiko: "What's it about?"
O'Brien: "Oh, it's about war...and glory."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
 Kemosabe no in tipi now.  You leave'um message after little
 smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
:ken: /ken/ n. 1. [UNIX] Ken Thompson, principal inventor of
   UNIX.  In the early days he used to hand-cut distribution tapes,
   often with a note that read "Love, ken".  Old-timers still use
   his first name (sometimes uncapitalized, because it's a login name
   and mail address) in third-person reference; it is widely
   understood (on USENET, in particular) that without a last name
   `Ken' refers only to Ken Thompson.  Similarly, Dennis without last
   name means Dennis Ritchie (and he is often known as dmr).  See
   also {demigod}, {{UNIX}}.  2. A flaming user.  This was
   originated by the Software Support group at Symbolics because the
   two greatest flamers in the user community were both named Ken.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
KENNEL
  A place where sleeping dogs lie, shelter from rain, and chew on
  dubious bones dug up from other people's garden. Toxic Custard
  advice of the week is: Never steal anything from a Rottweiler's
  kennel. While you may not get caught, you are more likely to leave
  fingers than fingerprints behind. And for the gentlemen, this has a
  Bollocks Loss Likelihood rating of 93%.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped design.  Unlike most
automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gage, nor any of the
numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver.  Rather, if the
driver makes any mistake, a giant ? lights up in the center of the
dashboard. The experienced driver, he says, will usually know
what's wrong.
%%
Kentucky law prohibits women from marrying the same man four times.
%%
Kentucky law states that a fine of one dollar is to be levied
for each cuss word uttered in public.
%%
Kentucky: The state that needs Japan to bring it into the 20th century.
%%
Kent: "What is this??!?"
Chris: "This is ice, this is what happens to water when it gets too cold."
Mitch: "Who was that?"
Chris: "That was Kent, that's what happens to a man when he gets too sexually
        frustrated."
 -- "Real Genius"
%%
Kerla: "Captain Kirk, I thought Romulan ale was illegal?"
Kirk: "One of the advantages of being a thousand light years from Federation
  Headquarters."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kerla: "Have you lost your mind?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kerla: "In any case, we know where this is leading.  The annihilation of our
  culture."
McCoy: "That's not true."
Kerla: "No?!"
McCoy: "No!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kermit: A popular file-transmission protocol, most effective for short hops.
%%
'Kermit the frog Is For Real'. Physicists Come Up With Undeniable Proof.
%%
"Kernal" is not a word.  The correct spelling is "kernel".
%%
KERNEL:
A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
traditions of sorcery and black art.
%%
Kernel memory error, all memory is now randomized.
%%
Kerplop, Pow, Wham, thud, zap, splat, TarkHil, Spanzee,
DekkaCrau, Binger, Chessukaaam, scooter.
%%
KETTLE
  Device designed to heat up water, whistle just too quietly for you
  to hear when it's finished, boil dry, explode and burn your house
  down.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Keyboardists use *all* their fingers.
%%
Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
 -- WindowError: 014
%%
Keyboard missing - press F3 to continue
 -- Message seen on an Apricot PC
%%
KEYBOARD
  Object which takes the brunt of your frustration with a computer.
  This is, oddly, even the case when the physical computer that is
  sticking its virtual tongue out at you, is many kilometres, or even
  timezones, away.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Keyboard: Resembling a typewritter, a keyboard
 is used for entering errors into the computer.
%%
Keypone poisioning factory - turn people into bonsai trees.
%%
KEY PUNCH OPERATOR
The best informed source regarding the weaknesses of the system,
new large scale computers and best nightclubs.
%%
Key Punch - the blow that causes the knockout.
%%
Key to Status: S=D/K. S is the status of a person in an organization,
D is the number of doors he must open to perform his job and K is
the number of keys he carries. A higher number denotes a higher status.
Examples: The janitor needs to open 20 doors and has twenty keys
(S = 1), a secretary has to open two doors with one key (S = 2),
but the president never has to carry around any keys since there
is always someone around to open doors for him (with K = 0 and a
high D, his S reaches infinity).
 -- Robert Sommer
%%
Khan: "Admiral..."
Kirk: "Please, please, you've got to give us time.  The Bridge is smashed, the
  computer's inoperative."
Khan: "Time is a luxury you don't have, Admiral."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Ah Kirk, my old friend.  Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us,
  'Revenge is a dish that is best served cold'?  It is very cold...in space."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4  
%%
Khan: "Allow me to introduce you to Ceti Alpha V's only remaining *indigenous*
  lifeform.  What do you think?  It killed twenty of my people...including my
  beloved wife.  Oh, not all at once.  And not instantly to be sure.  You see,
  their young enter through the ears, and wrap themselves around the cerebral
  cortex.  This has the effect of rendering the victim extremely susceptible to
  suggestion.  Later, as they grow, follows madness...and death."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Captain, we are waiting.  What is the delay?" Terrell: "All
is well, sir.  You...you have the coordinates to beam up Genesis."
Khan: "First things, first, Captain.  *Kill* Admiral Kirk." Terrell:
"Sir, it is difficult.  I try to obey, but..." Khan: "*Kill him*."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Fifteen seconds, Admiral."
Kirk: "Khan, how do we know you'll keep your word?"
Khan: "Oh, I've given you no word to keep, Admiral.  In my judgement you simply
  have no alternative."
Kirk: "I see your point.  Stand by to receive our transmission."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Full impulse power."
Joachim: "No, sir!  You have Genesis!  You can have whatever you--"
Khan: "Full power!  Damn you!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "He tasks me!  He tasks me, and I shall have him! I'll chase him 'round
  the moons of Nebia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round Perdition's
  Flames before I give him up!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "I shall leave you as you left me...as you left her.  Marooned for all
  eternity in the center of a dead planet.  Buried alive!  Buried alive!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Kill him, Terrell, *now*!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "No!  No, you can't get away!  'From hell's heart, I stab at thee.  For
  hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.'"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Slow to one-half impulse power.  Let's be friends."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "That's better.  Now, tell me...why are you here?  And tell
me where I may
  find James Kirk."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "There she is!  There she is!  Ah!  But not so wounded as we were led to
  believe.  So much the better!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Time's up, Admiral."
Kirk: "Here it comes."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "'To the last, I will grapple with thee.'"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Where is she?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Where's the override?  The override?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Young Kirk...the game's not over."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Khan: "Your argument?"
Joachim: "Yours...is the...superior."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEH AMERIKAHEY.
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies
traveling as reporters.
 -- Useful phrases to know when traveling in moslem areas
%%
KHRISTMAS (Well, I had to get it into this week's, didn't I?!)
  Christmas is a wonderful time of year. Just a shame the Christians
  seem to be trying to take control of it. The last thing you want to
  be reminded of around Christmas is religion.
      No, Christmas is a time for retailing. All the department
  stores put their special Christmas ads on the telly, showing happy,
  glowing families wandering around, paying happy, smiling shop
  assistants for cheerful presents. What a complete lie. Has anyone
  ever seen a shop that empty at Christmas? Or got service that fast?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:KIBO: /ki:'boh/ 1. [acronym] Knowledge In, Bullshit Out.  A
   summary of what happens whenever valid data is passed through an
   organization (or person) that deliberately or accidentally
   disregards or ignores its significance.  Consider, for example,
   what an advertising campaign can do with a product's actual
   specifications.  Compare {GIGO}; see also {SNAFU principle}.
   2. James Parry <kibo@world.std.com>, a USENETter infamous for
   various surrealist net.pranks and an uncanny, machine-assisted
   knack for joining any thread in which his nom de guerre is
   mentioned.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:kiboze: [USENET] v. To {grep} the USENET news for a string,
   especially with the intention of posting a follow-up.  This activity was
   popularised by Kibo (see {KIBO}, sense 2).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Kick ass now, take names later
%%
Kicked wide of the goal with such precision.
%%
Kicking the terminal doesn't hurt the monsters.
%%
:kick: [IRC] v. To cause somebody to be removed from a {IRC}
   channel, an option only available to {CHOP}s.  This is an
   extreme measure, often used to combat extreme {flamage} or
   {flood}ing, but sometimes used at the chop's whim.  Compare
   {gun}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Kid goes into barber shop and orders his very long hair cut to the roots.
 Older bystander laughingly asks him how much weight he has lost in doing
 this. Kid says he estimates about 135 pounds! "135 pounds!" says the
 bystander with a surprised look on his face. "Yep, that's about what my Mom
 weighs, and she is off my back about this hair," says the kid!
%%
Kid: "Grandad, can you make a noise like a frog?"
 Grandad: "Why yes, I can make a noise like a frog"
 Kid: "Great!, cos Mum said when you croak we can all go to Disneyland!"
%%
Kid -- Have you rehabilitated yourself?
 -- Arlo Guthrie
%%
Kidney Pie.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Kid -- riding a buffalo is dangerous!  Keep the change and buy
 yourself a gravity knife and some fireworks.
 -- Sound advice from THE BADGER
%%
Kids, don't gross me off..  ``Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE''
 can be carried too FAR!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Kids have *never* taken guidance from their parents.       If you could
travel back in time and observe the original primate family in the
original tree, you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate
teenager for sitting around and sulking all day instead of hunting for
grubs and berries like dad primate.  Then you'd see the primate
teenager stomp up to his branch and slam the leaves.
 -- Dave Barry, Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
                    Do
%%
Kids should practice autographing baseballs. This is a skill that's often
 overlooked in Little League.
 -- Tug McGraw
%%
Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA,
 PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Kids--they're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for sex.
 -- Bill Maher
%%
Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging.
%%
Kids toot or poot. Men fart. Women pass
 wind. And Ladies never, EVER have gas.
%%
Kids? Who said anything about kids?
 -- Conan
%%
Kids won't wait for anything, and want everything now, but they are willing
 to stand all night on a cold winter night for tickets to a rock concert.
%%
 Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb. Most of it's up, until you reach
the very, very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.
 -- Sir George Head, OBE (JC)
%%
Kill a commie for Christ!
%%
Kill a commy for your mommy.
%%
Kill a unicorn and you kill your luck.
%%
Kill 'em all, and let nobody sort 'em out.
 -- Atheist's Manifesto
%%
Kill'em All ... Let God Sort Them Out.
%%
:killer micro: [popularized by Eugene Brooks] n. A
   microprocessor-based machine that infringes on mini, mainframe, or
   supercomputer performance turf.  Often heard in "No one will
   survive the attack of the killer micros!", the battle cry of the
   downsizers.  Used esp. of RISC architectures.

   The popularity of the phrase `attack of the killer micros' is
   doubtless reinforced by the movie title "Attack Of The Killer
   Tomatoes" (one of the {canonical} examples of
   so-bad-it's-wonderful among hackers).  This has even more flavor
   now that killer micros have gone on the offensive not just
   individually (in workstations) but in hordes (within massively
   parallel computers).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:killer poke: n. A recipe for inducing hardware damage on a machine
   via insertion of invalid values (see {poke}) into a memory-mapped
   control register; used esp. of various fairly well-known tricks
   on {bitty box}es without hardware memory management (such as the
   IBM PC and Commodore PET) that can overload and trash analog
   electronics in the monitor.  See also {HCF}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Killer velcro
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
Kill everyone!  Are you with me?
 -- Nyarlbo the Recursive, Pizza Hut Putsch, 12/19/86
%%
Kill files are an expression of resentment by the unmemorable or
untalented against the memorable and talented.        Your appearance in kill
files merely marks the fact that you have more than once tried to make
people think, when they really would rather not.  It is an honor.
 -- Tim Maroney, tim@hoptoad.UUCP, who is in at least a few...
%%
:kill file: [USENET] n. (alt. `KILL file') Per-user file(s) used
   by some {USENET} reading programs (originally Larry Wall's
   `rn(1)') to discard summarily (without presenting for reading)
   articles matching some particularly uninteresting (or unwanted)
   patterns of subject, author, or other header lines.  Thus to add
   a person (or subject) to one's kill file is to arrange for that
   person to be ignored by one's newsreader in future.  By extension,
   it may be used for a decision to ignore the person or subject in
   other media.  See also {plonk}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Killing is stupid; useless!
 -- McCoy, "A Private Little War," stardate 4211.8.
%%
Killing is wrong.
 -- Losira, "That Which Survives," stardate unknown.
%%
Killing never solves anything, but it keeps people out
of your hair while you think of what to do next.
%%
Killing the dog will not cure the bite.
%%
KILL
  It must be a result of the inherent violence of humans that in the
  Thesaurus, there are over 200 words for 'kill', but only 23 for
  'resin'.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Kill Kill,
Hate Hate,
Murder, Maim, and Mutilate!
%%
Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and
you are a conqueror.  Kill all and you are a God.
 -- Jean Rostand
%%
Kill the body, the head will die.
%%
Kill the DM...no, SLOWLY kill the DM
%%
Kill the wabbit...  Kill the wabbit...
%%
Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit!
 -- Looney Tunes, What's Opera Doc? (1957, Chuck Jones)
%%
Kill Ugly Processor Architectures
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Kill Ugly Radio
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Kill us! Please!
 -- Dan's  manager
%%
KILL, v.t.  To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
KILN
  The only thing in the art room you weren't allowed to touch in
  primary school.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Kilocycle - capital punishment for a bike
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Kilo: What you could have spent your money
 on if you hadn't bought the computer.
%%
Kilroe hic erat!
%%
Kilroy occupied these coordinates.
%%
Kilt, n.  A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans
in Scotland.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Kinda like life itself.
%%
Kindly enter them in your notebook. And in order to refer to them
conveniently, let's call them A, B, and Z.
 -- The tortoise in Lewis Carroll's
 -- "What the Tortoise Said to Achilles"
%%
Kindness and intelligence don't always deliver us from the pitfalls and
traps: there are always failures of love, of will, of imagination.
There is no way to take the danger out of human relationships.
 -- Barbara Grizzuti Harrison
%%
Kindness gives birth to kindness.
 -- Sophocles
%%
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.
 -- Muad'dib
%%
Kindness it is that brings forth kindness always.
 -- Sophocles
%%
KINDNESS, n.  A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
 -- Mother Theresa
%%
King Agis said, "The Lacedaemonians are not wont to ask how many,
but where the enemy are."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Agis
%%
King Arthur and his armored goons of the Round Table functioned as the
Politburo of a slave state: Camelot. Of all who have written on the Matter of
Arthur, from Malory to White, only Mark Twain understood this. But Mark Twain
was a great writer.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
King Harold:
Watch him, he'll have some f%*kers eye out
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
KING, n.  A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head,"
although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.

    A king, in times long, long gone by,
        Said to his lazy jester:
    "If I were you and you were I
    My moments merrily would fly --
        Nor care nor grief to pester."

    "The reason, Sire, that you would thrive,"
        The fool said -- "if you'll hear it --
    Is that of all the fools alive
    Who own you for their sovereign, I've
        The most forgiving spirit."
                                                             Oogum Bem
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
King's Cross is an area where terrible things happen to people,
 to buildings, to cars, to trains, usually while you wait,
 and if you weren't careful you could easily end up involved in a
 challenging dialogue yourself.
%%
Kings may be blest, but Tam was glorious,
O'er a' the ills o' life victorious.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
King Stephen was a worthy peer,
  His breeches cost him but a crown;
He held them sixpence all too dear,--
  With that he called the tailor lown.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Kings will be tyrants from policy, when subjects are rebels from principle.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 334
%%
Kin, n.:
   An affliction of the blood
%%
KIOSK
  Small roofed stall that sells overpriced refreshments that nobody
  really wants to eat, but are trapped in the confines of an arena,
  stadium, etc. "No sorry mate, ain't got any pies. 'Ere, how about a
  mouldy sausage roll? Only three months expired. Or these hot chips.
  Well, they used to be hot. We've got the soggy or rock hard
  varieties. No? Melted ice-cream? Aww okay, a floppy hotdog and a
  flat Coke it is then."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
KIPPER
  A male salmon during the spawning season after spawning. I still
  wonder why Jewish boys wear kippers on their heads. It must get
  very smelly during the summer. Perhaps they should turn to cod.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:KIPS: /kips/ [abbreviation, by analogy with {MIPS} using {K}] n.
   Thousands (*not* 1024s) of Instructions Per Second.  Usage:
   rare.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Kirk: "All right, Lieutenant, you can come down from Mount Olympus now."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Kirk: "All right, Mister!  You wanted worshippers?  You've got enemies!  You
  wanted us to worship--"
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Kirk: "An accident wouldn't have been good enough.  Come on, Spock."
Martia: "Good enough for one.  Two would have looked suspicous.  Killed
  while..."
"Kirk": "...attempting escape.  Now that's convincing for both!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "And who do we have here?"
Preston: "Midshipman First Class Peter Preston, engineer's mate, *sir*!"
Kirk: "First training voyage, Mister Preston?"
Preston: "Yes, *sir*!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Aren't you dead?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "Are you sure you're all right?"
Spock: "Perfectly, Barona.  But it was an interesting experience."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kirk: "Ask her what she's getting."
Martia: "A full pardon...which doesn't cover this."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Besides, you stiff-necked thistle-head, you could've gotten yourself
  killed."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Kirk: "Bones, are you afraid of the future?"
McCoy: "I believe that was the general idea that I was trying to convey."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Bones, where's my torpedo?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Bones, why don't you see what you can do for him.  Let him
know we're not
  holding a grudge."
McCoy: "Suppose he's holding a grudge?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Captain's Log, Stardate 3198.4.  We have reached Organia and established
  standard orbit.  No signs of hostile activities in this area."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Kirk: "Captain's Log, Stardate 3201.7.  Mister Spock and I are trapped
on the  planet Organia, which is in the process of being occupied
by the forces of the  Klingon empire.  The Organians have provided
us with native clothing in the  hopes that we may be taken for Organians."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kirk: "Captain's Log, Stardate 8141.6.  Starship Enterprise departing
for Ceti  Alpha V to pick up the crew of U.S.S. Reliant.  All is well.
 And yet, I can't  help wondering about the friend I leave behind.
 'There are always  possibilities', Spock said.  And if Genesis is
indeed life from death, I must  return to this place again."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8141.6
%%
Kirk: "Captain's Log, Stardate 9522.6  I've never trusted Klingons...and
I never  will.  I can never forgive them for the death of my boy.
 It seems to me that  our mission to escort the Chancellor of the...Klingon
High Council to a *peace  mission*...is problematic at best.  Spock
says this could be an historic  occasion.  Now, I'd like to believe
him...but how on Earth can history get  past people like me?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kirk: "Captain's Log, Stardate 9523.8  The Enterprise hosted Chancellor Gorkon
  and company to dinner last night.  Our manners weren't exactly Emily Post.  A
  note to the Galley, Romulan ale no longer to be served at diplomatic
  functions."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Captain's Log, Stardate 9529.1.  This is the final cruise of
the Starship
  Enterprise under my command.  This ship and her history will shortly become
  the care of a new generation.  To them and their posterity will we commit our
  future.  They will continue the voyages we have begun, and journey to all the
  undiscovered countries, boldly going where no man...where no one, has gone
  before."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9529.1
%%
Kirk: "Captain, where's Doctor Marcus?  Where're the Genesis materials?"
Terrell: "He couldn't find them.  Even the databanks were empty."
Kirk: "Erased?"
Terrell: "He tortured those people.  But none of them would tell him anything.
  He went wild, he slit their throats.  He wanted to tear the place apart.  But
  it was late.  He had to get back to the Reliant in time to blow you to bits."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Check?"
Spock: "Right."
 -- "A Piece Of The action", Stardate unknown
%%
Kirk: "Chekov..."
Chekov: "I'm...sorry, Admiral."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Clear the bridge."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Couldn't you have waited two seconds?
Spock: "Captain?"
Kirk: "He was about to explain the whole thing!"
Chekov: "You want to go back?"
McCoy: "Absolutely not!"
Kirk: "It's cold!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Damage, Mister Scott."
Scott: "Admiral, I've got to take the mains off the line.  It's ra...diation."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor."
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
Kirk: "Damn it!  Damn it!  Damn it all to hell!  Out of all the...
 Son of a..."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Did you find the Engine Room?"
Scott: "Right where I left it, sir."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Kirk: "Dining on ashes.  You all right?"
Spock: "It was an arrogant presumption on my part that got us into this
  situation.  You and the doctor might have been killed."
Kirk: "The night is young."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Don't crucify yourself, it wasn't your fault."
Spock: "I was responsible."
Kirk: "For no actions but your own."
Spock: "That is not what you said at your trial."
Kirk: "That was as captain of the ship.  Human beings--"
Spock: "But, Captain, we both know that I am not human."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Don't mince words, Bones, what do you really think?"
McCoy: "Jim, I'm your doctor, and I'm your friend.  Get back your command.  Get
  it back before you turn into part of this collection.  Before you really do
  grow old."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "Engine Room.  Well done, Scotty."
McCoy: "Jim, I think you'd better get down here."
Kirk: "Bones?"
McCoy: "Better hurry."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Engine Room, what's happening?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Evasive starboard!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Everybody remember where we parked!"
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Kirk: "Far be it for me to dispute my first officer, but Starfleet has always
  been--"
Chang: "Come now, Captain, there's no need to mince words.  In space, all
  warriors are cold warriors."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kirk: "First rule of assassination, kill the assassins."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Gentlemen, *beam* me aboard."
 -- "The Doomsday  Machine", Stardate 3842.4.
%%
Kirk: "Gentlemen, I have seen what the Klingons do to planets like
yours.  They  are organized into vast slave labor camps.  No freedoms
whatsoever.  Your  goods will be confiscated.  Hostages taken and
killed.  Your leaders confined.  You'd be far better on a penal planet,
infinitely better off." Aelborne: "Captain, we see that your concern
is genuine, and we are moved.  But  again, we assure you that we are
absolutely in no danger.  If anybody is in  danger, you are.  And
that concerns us greatly.  It would be better if you'd  return to
your ship as soon as possible."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Kirk: "Gentlemen, I must get you to reconsider.  We can be of immense
help to  you.  In addition to military aid, we can send you specialists,
technicians.  We can show you how to feed a thousand people where
one was fed before.  We  can help you builds schools, educate the
young in the latest technological and  scientific skills.  Your public
facilities are almost nonexistent.  We can  help you remake your world.
 End disease, hunger, hardship.  All we ask in  return is that you
let us help you.  Now..."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Kirk: "Gentlemen, my government has informed me that the Klingons are expected
  to move against your planet, with the objective of making it a base of
  operations against the Federation.  My mission, frankly, is to, uh, keep them
  from doing that."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Kirk: "Give me some time to recall the data on our computers."
Khan: "I give you sixty seconds, Admiral."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Gorkon had to die before I understood how prejudiced I was."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Go to impulse power for Khitomer orbit."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Has it occured to you, that this crew is due to stand down in three
  months?  We've done our bid for king and country.  You should've trusted me."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Kirk: "Hello Alice!  Welcome to Wonderland!"
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Kirk: "He won't break off now.  He followed me this far, he'll be back.  But
  from *where*?"
Spock: "He's intelligent, but not experienced.  His pattern indicates two-
  dimensional thinking."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Hi, Bones!  Mind if we drop by for dinner?"
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
Kirk: "Hours instead of days.  Now we have minutes instead of hours."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "How could you vouch for me?  That's an arrogant presumption."
Spock: "My father requested that I open nego--"
Kirk: "I know your father is the Vulcan Ambassador for heaven's sake, but you
  know how I feel about them."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Kirk: "How does he know that?"
Aelborne: "Oh, our friend Trefayne is really quite intuitive.  You can rest
  assured that what he says is absolutely correct."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Kirk: "How many fingers am I holding up?"
McCoy: "That's not funny."
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Kirk: "I assume you're loitering around here to learn what efficiency rating I
  plan to give your cadets."
Spock: "I am understandably curious."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "I can't believe I kissed you."
"Kirk": "Must have been your lifelong ambition!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "I couldn't get past the death of my son."
Spock: "I was prejudiced by her accomplishments as a Vulcan."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "I did what you wanted.  I stayed away.  Why didn't you tell him?"
Carol: "How can you ask me that?  Were we together?  Were we going to be?  You
  had your world, and I had mine.  And I wanted him in mine.  Not chasing
  through the universe with his father."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "I'd just assumed you didn't."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "I don't like to lose."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "I don't mean this future."
McCoy: "What is this?  Multiple choice?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "I don't want to hurt you."
 -- "Bread and Circuses", Stardate 4041.2.
%%
Kirk: "If this is your spot, we'll move on."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "I hate inspections."
Sulu: "I'm delighted.  Any chance to go aboard the Enterprise..."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "I hope you're happy."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kirk: "I'll say this for him, he's consistent."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "I'm going aboard.  Spock, you have the Conn."
Spock: "I am responsible for involving you in this, I will go."
Kirk: "No, I'll go.  You will be responsible for getting me out of this."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "I'm going down there." McCoy: "Khan could be down there." Kirk:
"He's been there.  Hasn't found what he wants.  Can you spare someone
that  maybe he won't hurt?" McCoy: "Yeah, I can spare me."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "In the heart, in the head, I won't stay dead."
 -- "Day Of The Dove", Stardate unknown
%%
Kirk: "Isn't it about time you became something else?"
"Kirk": "I like it here."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Is there anything to eat?  I don't know about anybody else, but I'm
  starved."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "I think he did a little LDS."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Kirk: "'It's a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done before.  A far
  better resting place that I go to, than I have ever known.'"
Carol: "Is that a poem?"
Kirk: "No.  Something Spock was trying to tell me on my birthday!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8141.6
%%
Kirk: "It's a pleasure doing business with you, Mister Spock."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kirk: "I've heard about you.  Shape-shifters.  I thought you were mythical."
Martia: "Give a girl a chance, Captain.  It takes a lot of effort."
McCoy: "I don't doubt it."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "I was lucky that thing had knees."
Martia: "That was not his knee."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "I would like to speak to someone in authority."
Aelborne: "We, we don't have anybody in authority.  But I am the chairman of
  the Council of Elders, perhaps I will do.
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Kirk: "Khan, if it's me you want, I'll have myself beamed aboard.  Spare my
  crew."
Khan: "I make you a counterproposal.  I'll agree to your terms, if...if in
  addition to yourself, you'll hand over all data and material regarding the
  project called 'Genesis'."
Kirk: "'Genesis'?  What's that?"
Khan: "Don't insult my intelligence, Kirk."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Khan!  Khan!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Khan..."
Khan: "You still remember, Admiral.  I cannot help but be touched.  I, of
  course, remember *you*."
Kirk: "What is the meaning of this attack?  Where is the crew of the Reliant?"
Khan: "Surely I have made my meaning plain.  I mean to avenge myself upon you,
  Admiral.  I deprive your ship of power and when I swing around you I mean to
  deprive you of your life! But I wanted you to know first who it was who had
  beaten you!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Khan...Khan, you've got Genesis, but you don't have me.  You were going
  to kill me, Khan, you're going to have to come down here!  You're going to
  have to come down here!"
Khan: "I've done far worse than kill you.  I've hurt you.  And I wish to go
  on...hurting you."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Khan, you bloodsucker!  You're going to have to do your own dirty work
  now!  Do you hear me?  *Do you?!"
Khan: "Kirk...Kirk, you're still alive, my old friend."
Kirk: "Still, 'old friend'!  You've managed to kill just about everyone else,
  but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target!"
Khan: "Perhaps I no longer need to try, Admiral."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Kirk, Enterprise."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Kirk to Enterprise." Spock: "Spock here." Kirk: "Captain Spock,
damage report." Spock: "Admiral, if we go by the book, like Lieutenant
Saavik, hours would seem  like days." Kirk: "I read you, Captain,
let's have it." Spock: "The situation is grave, Admiral.  We won't
have main power for six days.  Auxiliary power has temporarily failed.
 Restoration may be possible, in two  days, 'by the book', Admiral."
Kirk: "Meaning you can't even beam us back?" Spock: "Not at present."
Kirk: "Captain Spock, if you don't hear from us within one hour, your
orders are  to restore what power you can, take the Enterprise to
the nearest starbase,  and alert Starfleet Command as soon as you're
out of jamming range." Uhura: "Sir, we won't leave you behind." Kirk:
"Uhura, if don't hear from us there won't be anyone behind.  Kirk
out."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Kirk to Spock, it's two hours, are you ready?"
Spock: "Right on schedule, Admiral.  Just give us your coordinates and we'll
  beam you aboard."
Kirk: "All right!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through
any of its streets.
%%
Kirk: "Let's get the hell out of here."
 -- "The City On The Edge Of Forever", Stardate 3134.0.
%%
Kirk: "Let's see what she's got!"
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Kirk: "Lieutenant, are you wearing your hair differently?"
Saavik: "It's still regulation, Admiral."
Kirk: ["Oh."]
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Lieutenant, you have your orders and your duty."
Palamas: "Yes, sir.  My orders...and my duty."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Kirk: "Midshipman, you're a tiger."
Scott: "My sister's youngest admiral.  Crazy to get to space."
Kirk: "Every young man's fancy.  I seem to remember it myself."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Mister Chekov, I think you've earned your pay for the week."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Kirk: "Mister President!  Mister President!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Mister Scott, you're all spaced-out.  You're well."
Scott: "I had a wee bout, sir, but uh, Doctor McCoy pulled me through."
Kirk: "Wee bout of what?"
McCoy: "Shore leave, Admiral."
Kirk: "Oh, I see."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Mister Spock and I are going down to the planet's surface.  You will be
  in command.  Your responsibility is to the *Enterprise*, not to us, is that
  clear?"
Sulu: "Perfectly, sir."
Kirk: "A Klingon fleet is in this quadrant.  We know that Organia will be a
  target.  If they should emerge..."
Sulu: "We'll handle them, sir."
Kirk: "You will *evaluate* the situation.  If there is a fleet of them, you'll
  get out of here, Mister Sulu."
Sulu: "But, uh, Captain--"
Kirk: "No 'but's.  You'll get to safety and alert the fleet.  You will *not*
  attack alone.  Mister Spock and I will be all right."
Sulu: [Nods yes]
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Kirk: "Mister Spock, do you know anyone on this ship who even remotely
resembles
  Satan?"
 -- "The Apple", Stardate 3715.6.
%%
Kirk: "Mister Spock, let's you and I pay the Organians a visit."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Kirk: "Mister Spock, the ship is yours."
Spock: "Jim, be careful."
McCoy: "*We* will."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Most mythology has its basis in fact."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Kirk: "My friends, we've come home."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Kirk: "My god, what has happened here?"
Chang: "You dare to feign ignorance?"
Kirk: "What happened?"
Chang: "With a direct torpedo hit, you crippled our entire gravitational field!
  And two of your...Starfleet crew beamed aboard wearing magnetic boots...and
  did this."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "My I present Captain Spock, whom I believe you know."
Gorkon: "Captain, face to face at last.  You have my thanks."
Spock: "Chancellor."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kirk: "Names, Lieutenant."
Valeris: "I do not remember."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "No..."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Now that we're outside the shield, they'll be able to locate us from two
  sectors away!"
McCoy: "If they're even looking for us."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: Of my friend, I can only say this.  Of all the souls I have
encountered in
  my travels, his was the most...*human*."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Oh, by the way, thank you for this."
Spock: "I know of your fondness for antiques."
Kirk: "'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.'  Message, Spock?"
Spock: "None that I'm conscious of.  Except of course, 'Happy birthday'.
  Surely, 'the best of times'."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "Once again, we've saved civilization as we know it."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "On the contrary, sir...it is *you* I take lightly."
 -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardate 4525.6.
%%
Kirk: "Organia's description, Mister Spock."
Spock: "Inhabited by humanoids, a very peaceful, friendly people, living on a
  primitive level.  Little of instrinsic value, approximately Class D-Minus on
  the Richter Scale of Cultures."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4.
%%
Kirk: "People can be very frightened of change."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Permission to come aboard, Captain."
Spock: "Welcome, Admiral.  I think you know my training crew.  Certainly they
  have come to know you."
Kirk: "Yes, we've been through death and life together."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Physician, heal thyself."
McCoy: "Is that all you got to say?  What about my performance?"
Kirk: "I'm not a drama critic."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "Reverse thrusters, full astern, one-half impulse power!  Back off, back
  off!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Right, Mister Spock?"
Spock: "Correct, Captain."
Kirk: "Riiiight?"
Spock: "Riiiight."
 -- "A Piece Of The action", Stardate unknown
%%
Kirk: "Right?"
Spock: "Check."
 -- "A Piece Of The action", Stardate unknown
%%
Kirk: "Romulan ale, why Bones, you know this is illegal."
McCoy: "I only use it for medicinal purposes.  I got aboard a ship that brings
  them in a case every now and then.  Now don't be afraid."
Kirk: "2283."
McCoy: "Yeah, well it takes this stuff a while to ferment."
Kirk: "Ohh."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "Scotty, I need warp speed in three minutes or we're all dead."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Scotty, you're confined to quarters." Scott: "Yes, sir.  *Thank
you*, sir!  That'll give me a chance to catch up on me  technical
journals!"
 -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardate 4525.6.
%%
Kirk: "Signal our surrender."
Uhura: "Captain?"
Kirk: "We surrender!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Some people are afraid...of what might happen.  I was terrified."
McCoy: "What terrified you, specifically?"
Kirk: "No more Neutral Zone.  I was used to hating Klingons.  It never even
  occurred for me to take Gorkon at his word.  Spock was right."
McCoy: "Try not to be too hard on yourself, we all felt exactly the same."
Kirk: "No.  Somebody felt a lot worse.  I'm beginning to understand why."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "So, we're stranded here, in the middle of a Klingon occupation army."
Spock: "So it would seem.  Not a very pleasant prospect."
Kirk: "You have a gift for understatement, Mister Spock.  It's not a very
  pleasant prospect at all."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Kirk: "Spock, comment."
Spock: "Very bad poetry."
 -- "Catspaw", Stardate 3018.2.
%%
Kirk: "Spock, transmit *now*..."
 -- "ST:TMP", Stardate 1513.8.
%%
Kirk: "Spock, what are the odds of getting a royal fizzbin?"
Spock: "I've never calculated them."
 -- "A Piece Of The action", Stardate unknown
%%
Kirk: "Spock, you want to know something?  Everybody's human."
Spock: "I find that remark...insulting."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Storage facilities?  Storage facilities?...The what?  The what?"
 -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardate 4525.6.
%%
Kirk: "Thanks."
Martia: "This will help keep you warm."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Thank you, Captain."
Sulu: "Don't mention it, Captain Kirk."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "That's what you get for missing staff meetings."
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Kirk: "That young man, he's my son!"
Spock: "Fascinating."
 -- "STII:TWOK", STardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "The Klingons have never been trustworthy.  I'm forced to agree with
  Admiral Cartwright.  This is a *terrifying* idea."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Kirk: "They destroyed the Simulator Room and you with it."
Spock: "The Kobayashi Maru scenario frequently wreaks havoc with students and
  equipment.  As I recall, you took the test three times yourself.  Your final
  solution was shall we say...unique."
Kirk: "It had the virtue of never having being tried."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "They're animals!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Kirk: "Think we're finished?"
McCoy: "More than ever."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "This is the Starship Enterprise, Captain James T. Kirk commanding."
Gorkon: "This is Kronos One.  I am Chancellor Gorkon."
Kirk: "Chancellor, we've been ordered to escort you through Federation space to
  your meeting on Earth."
Gorkon: "Thank you, Captain."
Kirk: "Would you and your party care to dine this evening aboard the Enterprise
  with my officers...as guests of the United Federation of Planets?"
Gorkon: "We would be delighted to accept your gracious invitation."
Kirk: "We'll make arrangements to have you beamed aboard at nineteen-hundred
  hours."
Gorkon: "I shall look forward to that."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kirk: "Time's the problem.  You and I are nothing.  But you heard
the judge, the
  peace conference is on again.  Whoever killed Gorkon is bound to attempt
  another assassination.  Unless we can get out of here--"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
%%
Kirk: "Uh, the uh, Universal Translator was confiscated."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Uhura, patch me up."
Uhura: "Aye, sir.  You're on, Admiral."
Kirk: "This is Admiral Kirk.  We tried it once your way, Khan, are you game for
  a rematch?  Khan...I'm laughing at the superior intellect."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Valeris, do you know anything about a radiation surge?"
Valeris: "Sir?"
Kirk: "Mister Chekov?"
Chekov: "Only the size of my head."
Kirk: "I know what you mean."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "We both guessed right.  Negotiations with the Klingon Empire
on the verge  of breaking down.  Starfleet Command anticipates a surprise
attack.  We are to  proceed to Organia, and take whatever steps are
necessary to prevent the  Klingons from using it as a base."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate Unknown
%%
Kirk: "We come in peace."
 -- "The Apple", Stardate 3715.6.
%%
Kirk: "We have a problem.  Something may be wrong on Regula One, we've
been  ordered to investigate." Spock: "If memory serves, Regula One
is a scientific research laboratory." Kirk: "I told Starfleet Command
all we have is a boatload of children, but we're  the only ship in
the quadrant.  Spock, these cadets of yours, how good are  they? 
How will they respond under real pressure?" Spock: "As with all living
things, each according to his gifts.  Of course, the  ship is yours."
Kirk: "No, that won't be necessary.  Just get me to Regula One."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "We haven't fired."
Spock: "Captain...according to our databanks we have...twice."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Well, are you a doctor or aren't you?"
 -- "Amok time", Stardate 3372.7.
%%
Kirk: "Well, at least we have them all together."
Spock: "Fortuitous, Captain."
 -- "Catspaw", Stardate 3018.2.
%%
Kirk: "Well, Bones, this is...charming."
McCoy: "They're four-hundred years old.  You don't find many with the lenses
  still intact."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3 
%%
Kirk: "Well I for one am glad to have you at the helm for three weeks.  I don't
  think these kids can steer."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Well, Mister Saavik, are you going to stay with a sinking ship?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "Well, Mister Scott, are your cadets capable of handling a minor training
  cruise?"
Scott: "Give the word, Admiral."
Kirk: "Mister Scott, the word is given."
Scott: "Aye, sir."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Well, shall we start with the Engine Room?"
Scott: "We'll see you there, and everything is in order."
Kirk: "That'll be a pleasant surprise, Mister Scott."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "Well there it is...war.  We didn't want it, but we've got it."
Spock: "Curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not
  want."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Kirk: "Well, we've been anticipating an attack.  I'd say what we've just
  experienced very nearly qualifies."
Spock: "Yes, it would seem to be an *unfriendly* act."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate Unknown
%%
Kirk: "We must do this again sometime."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kirk: "We offer you protection."
Aelborne: "We have no defenses, Captain, nor are any needed."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Kirk: "We're tired of your phony fireworks!"
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Kirk: "We tried to save him."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "We've been set up all along."
Martia: "Somebody up there wants you out of the way."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "We volunteered?!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Kirk: "We will not be the instigators of interstellar war on the eve of
  universal peace."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "What about Mister Spock?"
Kor: "You are concerned?"
Kirk: "He is my friend."
Kor: "You have a poor choice of friends."
 -- "Errand of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kirk: "What are we doing here?"
McCoy: "Maybe they're throwing us a retirement party."
Scott: "That suits me, I just bought a boat."
Uhura: "This had better be good.  I'm supposed to be chairing a seminar at the
  Academy."
Chekov: "Captain, isn't this just for top brass?"
McCoy: "If we're all here, where's Sulu?"
Kirk: "*Captain* Sulu.  On assignment.  Where's Spock?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Kirk: "What is it?"
McCoy: "They're for your eyes.  For most patients your age, I'd usually
  recommend Retinax-Five"
Kirk: "I'm allergic to Retinax."
McCoy: "Exactly.  Cheers."
Kirk: "Cheers."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Kirk: "What's happened?"
Spock: "We have fired on the chancellor's ship."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "What took you so long?"
"Kirk": "Kill him, he's the one!"
Kirk: "Not me, you idiot!  HIM!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Where is the peace conference?  They're going to attempt another
  assassination."
Sulu: "The conference is at Camp Khitomer, near the Romulan border."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Why, bless me, Doctor, what beams you into this neck of the woods?"
McCoy: "Beware Romulans bearing gifts.  Happy birthday, Jim."
Kirk: "Thanks."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3"
%%
Kirk: "Would it have hurt us a little just to gather few laurel leaves?"
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Kirk: "You all right?"
McCoy: "I don't know.  Doctors lose patients sometimes, damn it.  I'm still in
  the dark.  How did he know about Genesis?"
Kirk: "I don't know.  But what's important now is to prevent him from getting
  his hands on it.  You said it yourself, it's a bang that could rearrange the
  universe."
McCoy: "There still may be time.  You gave as good as you got."
Kirk: "We're alive only because I knew something about these ships that he
  didn't."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "You are about to remind me that logic alone dictates your actions?"
Spock: "I would not remind you of that which you know so well.  If I may be so
  bold, it was a mistake for you to accept promotion.  Commanding a starship is
  your first, best destiny.  Anything else is a waste of material."
Kirk: "I wouldn't have presumed to debate you."
Spock: "That is wise."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "You belong in a circus...right next to the dog-faced boy!"
 -- "This Side Of Paradise", Stardate 3417.3.
%%
Kirk: "You did all this in a day?"
Carol: "The matrix formed in a day.  The lifeforms grew later at a
  *substantially* acclerated rate."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Kirk: "You didn't really think I was going to beat his head in, did you?"
Spock: "I thought you might."
Kirk: "You're right."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kirk: "You'd think they have people beaming down everyday."
Spock: "Yes, curious lack of interest."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4
%%
Kirk: "You keep insisting that there's no danger, I keep assuring
you that there
  is.  Would you mind telling me--"
Aelborne: "It is our way of life, Captain."
Kirk: "That's the first thing that will be lost!"
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Kirk: "You Klingon bastards, you've killed my son!"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Kirk: "You piloted well out of Spacedock, Lieutenant."
Valeris: "I've always wanted to try that, sir."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Kirk: "You're a great one for logic.  I'm a great one for rushing in where
  angels fear to tread.  We're both at extremes.  Reality is probably somewhere
  in between."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "You're not exactly catching us at our best."
Spock: "That much is certain."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Kirk: "You're not going to admit that, for the first time in your
life, you made
  a completely emotional decision based on desperation?"
Spock: "No, sir."
Kirk: "Mister Spock, you're a stubborn man!"
Spock: "Yes, sir."
 -- "The Galileo Seven", Stardate 2812.7.
%%
Kirk: "Your father called the future, 'the undiscovered country'."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
"Kirk": "Your friends are late."
Kirk: "They'll be along."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Kirk: "Your sense of humor's come back."
McCoy: "The hell it has."
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Kirk: "You were right, Mister Spock.  A most satisfactory display."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
K is a consonant that we get from the Greeks, but it can be traced
away back beyond them to the Cerathians, a small commercial nation
inhabiting the peninsula of Smero.  In their tongue it was called
_Klatch_, which means "destroyed."  The form of the letter was
originally precisely that of our H, but the erudite Dr. Snedeker
explains that it was altered to its present shape to commemorate the
destruction of the great temple of Jarute by an earthquake, _circa_
730 B.C.  This building was famous for the two lofty columns of its
portico, one of which was broken in half by the catastrophe, the other
remaining intact.  As the earlier form of the letter is supposed to
have been suggested by these pillars, so, it is thought by the great
antiquary, its later was adopted as a simple and natural -- not to say
touching -- means of keeping the calamity ever in the national memory.
It is not known if the name of the letter was altered as an additional
mnemonic, or if the name was always _Klatch_ and the destruction one
of nature's pums.  As each theory seems probable enough, I see no
objection to believing both -- and Dr. Snedeker arrayed himself on
that side of the question.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
%%
Kissing a fish is like smoking a bicycle.
%%
Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
 -- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
Kissing is a custom in France. We kiss a man we haven't seen in five
 years--or a woman we haven't seen in five minutes.
 -- Maurice Chevalier
%%
Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see
anything wrong with each other.
%%
Kissing, petting, and even intercourse are all right as long as they are
sincere.  I have never given a kiss in my life that wasn't sincere.  As for
intercourse, I'd say three times a day was about right.
 -- Margaret Sangor
%%
KISS
Keep It Simple Stupid.......
%%
Kiss me, I just ate a dead moose! Don't worry, I got the Signal!
Come on; Kiss me!
%%
Kiss me--I'm not Irish, but don't let that stop you.
%%
Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o'Sunday.
 -- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
%%
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
%%
KISS, n.  A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss."  It is
supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony
appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its
performance is unknown to this lexicographer.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:KISS Principle: /kis' prin'si-pl/ n. "Keep It Simple, Stupid".
   A maxim often invoked when discussing design to fend off
   {creeping featurism} and control development complexity.
   Possibly related to the {marketroid} maxim on sales
   presentations, "Keep It Short and Simple".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Kiss the tear from her lip, you'll find the rose the sweeter for the dew.
 -- Webster
%%
Kiss till the cow comes home.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Scornful Lady, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Kiss you??  I shouldn't even be doing THIS!
%%
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
%%
Kitchen activity is highlighted.
Butter up a friend.
%%
KITCHEN
  The kitchen has been statistically proven to be the room of a house
  that a man is least likely to die in. Because he's never in there.
  The laundry came a close second. So there you go guys - to
  statistically cheat death(*), just spend all your time in either
  the laundry or the kitchen. If you can find them.
                                               (*) A fairly stupid idea
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Kite fliers keep it up longer.
%%
Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Kitten:   small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to
 the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with
 near-mythical overtones of cuteness.  Not recommended for beginners.  Get
 at least two.
 -- strata@psyche.mit.edu
%%
Kitty Hawk: a buzzard that eats cats.
%%
Kitty, kitty, kitty. Come and get your lovely din-din.
 -- Sgt Benton, The Green Death
%%
Kitty. Shikspur? Shikspur? Who wrote it? No, I never read Shikspur.
Lady Bab. Then you have an immense pleasure to come.
 -- James Townley (1715-1778)
 -- High Life below Stairs, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
:kit: [USENET; poss. fr. DEC slang for a full software
   distribution, as opposed to a patch or upgrade] n. A source
   software distribution that has been packaged in such a way that it
   can (theoretically) be unpacked and installed according to a series
   of steps using only standard UNIX tools, and entirely documented by
   some reasonable chain of references from the top-level {README
   file}.  The more general term {distribution} may imply that
   special tools or more stringent conditions on the host environment
   are required.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Kix are for trids.
%%
:K: /K/ [from {kilo-}] n. A kilobyte.  Used both as a spoken
   word and a written suffix (like {meg} and {gig} for megabyte
   and gigabyte).  See {{quantifiers}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Klag: "They are inquisitive.  They want to know how you would endure."
Riker: "Endure what?"
Klag: "Them."
Riker: [Pause]  "One, or both?"
 -- "A Matter Of Honor", Stardate unknown
%%
Kleeneness is next to Godelness.
%%
Klein bottle for rent ... inquire within.
%%
Klein bottle for sale ... inquire within.
%%
Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.
 -- Henry Morgan
%%
Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Klingon: "After the first shot we lost our gravitational field.  I found myself
  weightless and unable to function.  Then two Starfleet crewmen came walking
  towards me."
Worf: "But perhaps they merely wore Starfleet uniforms."
Chang: "That remark is purely speculative, I move that it be stricken."
Judge: "Colonel Worf, we are interested in facts, not theories!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Klingon Ambassador: "I'm waiting for your answer, sir."
UFP President: "This president is not above the law."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Klingon Ambassador: "The Chancellor of the High Council is *dead*!  The result
  of an *unprovoked* attack, while he travelled to see *you* on a flag* of
  *truce* on a mission of *peace*!  Captain Kirk was legally arrested for the
  crime.  May I remind you that he and *Doctor McCoy* boarded Kronos One of
  their own free will?  None of these facts are in dispute, Mister President."
UFP President: "I have ordered a full-scale investigation.  In the meantime..."
Klingon Ambassador: "'In the meantime', we expect the Federation to abdige by
  the Articles of *Interstellar Law* which you claim to cherish!  Kirk and
  Doctor McCoy will stand trial for the assassination of Chancellor Gorkon!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Klingon Ambassador: "There shall be no peace...as long as Kirk lives!"
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Klingon: "Better to live on our feet than to die at our knees!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Klingon: "Don't catch any bugs."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Klingon. I should have said Klingon. In my heart of hearts I am a Klingon.
 -- Q to Worf, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Klingon prompt: Strike any user when ready.
%%
Klingons appreciate strong women.
 -- Worf, "Angel One", stardate 41636.9
%%
Klingons are not supposed to mind hardships, nonetheless I am delighted
  to be out of that damned coffin.
 -- K'Ehleyr, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Klingons are so unusual in their reactions, aren't they?
 -- Dr. Crusher to Picard, "Lonely Among Us", stardate 41249.3
%%
Klingons do not faint.
 -- Worf to Dr. Pulaski, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
Klingons do not give in to illness.
 -- Worf to Dr. Pulaski, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
Klingons do not surrender.
 -- Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Klingon Thanksgiving Grace:  "Let us prey..."
%%
 (Klingon voice:)  ANSWERING MACHINE.  SPEAK.
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
Klingon: "We are betrayed!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
:kludge: /klooj/ or /kluhj/ n. Common (but incorrect) variant
   of {kluge}, q.v.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:kluge around: vt. To avoid a bug or difficult condition by
   inserting a {kluge}.  Compare {workaround}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
KLUGE (kloodj) alt. KLUDGE [from the German kluge, clever] n. 1. A Rube
Goldberg device in hard/software. 2. A clever programming trick used as a
stopgap measure, and noted for being more efficient than clear. 3. Something
that works for the wrong reasons. 4. v. To insert a kluge in a program.
"I've kluged this routine to get around that weird bug; it should hold
'till I find the REAL problem." also -- UP. 5. -- AROUND: to avoid by
inserting a kluge.
%%
:kluge up: vt. To lash together a quick hack to perform a task; this
   is milder than {cruft together} and has some of the connotations
   of {hack up} (note, however, that the construction `kluge on'
   corresponding to {hack on} is never used).  "I've kluged up this
   routine to dump the buffer contents to a safe place."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
KLU KLUX KLAN
  People without a Klu. See Wanker.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
kmem_free: block already free
%%
K'Mpec: "'All for the glory of the Klingon Empire'...that should be
my epitaph."
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
KNACK
  That indefinable balance between fluke and skill.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Knaves will thrive when honest plainness knows not how to live.
 -- Shirley
%%
Knee-Jerk Irony:
 The tendency to make flippant ironic comments as a reflexive
matter of course in everyday conversation.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Knee-jerk liberals and all the certified saints of sanctified humanism
are quick to condemn this great and much-maligned Transylvanian
statesman.
 -- William F. Buckley, Jr.
 -- The Wit and Wisdom of Vlad the Impaler
%%
KNEE-JERK REACTION
  A controlled upwards movement of a knee into the groinal area of a
  jerk. Very fun, excepting when one is on the receiving of the said
  upwards movement.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
KNIGHT, n.
    Once a warrior gentle of birth,
    Then a person of civic worth,
    Now a fellow to move our mirth.
    Warrior, person, and fellow -- no more:
    We must knight our dogs to get any lower.
    Brave Knights Kennelers then shall be,
    Noble Knights of the Golden Flea,
    Knights of the Order of St. Steboy,
    Knights of St. Gorge and Sir Knights Jawy.
    God speed the day when this knighting fad
    Shall go to the dogs and the dogs go mad.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:Knights of the Lambda Calculus: n. A semi-mythical organization of
   wizardly LISP and Scheme hackers.  The name refers to a
   mathematical formalism invented by Alonzo Church, with which LISP
   is intimately connected.  There is no enrollment list and the
   criteria for induction are unclear, but one well-known LISPer has
   been known to give out buttons and, in general, the *members*
   know who they are....
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Knives and scissors, fork and candle, little children should not handle.
%%
KNOB
  Erm... protruding object designed for easy grip to umm... See
  Innuendo
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Knock. Don't ring bell.
 -- Seen on Pavlov's door
%%
Knocked, you weren't in.
 -- Opportunity
%%
 Knock, knock.  (Pause.  Caller thinks, "Who's there?")  Isn't
 that *my* question?  (Pause.)  Please leave a message...
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Knock Knock.
 Who's There?
 Recursion.
 Recursion who?
 Knock Knock...
%%
Knock on wood.
%%
knot: configuration often discovered in the middle of a rappel rope during a
rappel.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Know a good chiropractor? My computer has a slipped disk.
%%
Know from the bounteous heaven all riches flow;
And what man gives, the gods by man bestow,
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xviii, Line 26
%%
Know from whence you came.  If you know whence you came, there are
absolutely no limitations to where you can go.
 -- James Baldwin
%%
Know God...No peace.  No God...Know peace.
%%
Knowing how hard it is to collect a fact,
you understand why most people want to have some fun
analyzing it.
 -- Samuel McChrod Crothers
%%
Knowing how things work is the basis for appreciation, and is thus a
source of civilized delight.
 -- William Safire
%%
Knowing I lov'd my books, he furnish'd me
From mine own library with volumes that
I prize above my dukedom.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Knowing in your mind that you've tried your best and have learned a lot,
    is more important than the grade that you got. Your grade is not a
    measure of what you've learned.
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
Knowing is half the battle.
 -- GI Joe
%%
Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either.
%%
Knowing when to optimize is as important as knowing how.
 -- Tom Neff
%%
Knowing you, you're probably doing twice as much as is healthy for you.
%%
Knowledge and timber should n't be much used till they are seasoned.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, vi
%%
Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to practical use.
%%
Knowledge by suffering entereth,
And life is perfected by death.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- A Vision of Poets, Conclusion
%%
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 141
%%
Knowledge, in truth, is the great sun in the firmament. Life and power
are scattered with all its beams.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Address on laying the Corner-Stone of the Bunker Hill Monument, 1825, p. 74
%%
Knowledge is a process of piling up facts;
wisdom lies in their semplification.
 -- Martin H. Fischer
%%
Knowledge is better than ignorance.
%%
Knowledge is expensive.
 -- Hanna Gray, current president of the University of Chicago
%%
Knowledge is like a river ... The deeper it is, the less noise it makes.
%%
Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or
 we know where we can find information upon it.
 -- Samuel Johnson, Letter to Lord Chesterfield, February 1755
%%
Knowledge is power.--Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Meditationes Sacrae, De Haeresibus
%%
Knowledge is power, particularly if you know enough of it on the right
 people.
%%
Knowledge is power.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Knowledge is power.
 -- Thomas Hobbes
%%
Knowledge is proud that he has learn'd so much;
Wisdom is humble that he knows no more.
Books are not seldom talismans and spells.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book vi, Winter Walk at Noon, Line 96
%%
Knowledge is soon changed, then lost in the mist, an echo half-heard.
 -- Gene Wolfe
%%
Knowledge is the antidote of fear.
 -- Emerson
%%
Knowledge is the only fountain both of the love and the principles
of human liberty.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Completion of Bunker Hill Monument, June 17, 1843, p. 93
%%
Knowledge is the only instrument of production
that is not subject to diminishing returns.
 -- J.M. CLARKE
%%
Knowledge is true opinion.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Knowledge of divine things for the most part, as Heraclitus says,
is lost to us by incredulity.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Coriolanus
%%
Knowledge of the lowest kind is un-unified knowledge;
science is partially-unified knowledge;
philosophy is completely-unified knowledge.
 -- Herbert W. Spencer
%%
Knowledge, sir, should be free to all!
 -- Harry Mudd, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3
%%
KNOWLEDGE:
Things you believe.
%%
Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion has no hold on the mind.
Therefore do not use compulsion, but let early education be rather a
sort of amusement; this will better enable you to find out the natural
bent of the child.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic"
%%
Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own
governors must arm themselves withthe power which knowledge gives.
 -- James Madison
%%
Knowledge without common sense is folly.
%%
knowlege is a polite word for dead but unburied imagination....think
twice before thinking.
 -- e.e. cummings
%%
Know myself! What kind of a sentence is that? What wrong did I do so
 serious?
%%
known point: (navigation) figment of the imagination.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Know people for who they are rather than for what they are.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Know someone you really don't like? Send them a fruit basket...from Chile!
%%
Know'st thou the land where the lemon-trees bloom,
Where the gold orange glows in the deep thicket's gloom,
Where a wind ever soft from the blue heaven blows,
And the groves are of laurel and myrtle and rose?
 -- Goethe (1749-1832)
 -- Wilhelm Meister, Book iii, Chap. i
%%
Know that a happy dieter has other problems.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Know then this truth (enough for man to know),--
"Virtue alone is happiness below."
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 309
%%
Know then thyself, presume not God to scan;
The proper study of mankind is man.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 1
%%
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
%%
Know thyself.
 -- Thales
%%
Know Thy User.
%%
Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.
 -- Henry N. Camp
%%
Know what to kiss... and when.
%%
Know when to quit.
%%
Know ye not why We created you all from the same dust?  That no one
should exalt himself over the other.
 -- Baha'u'llah
%%
Know ye the land where the cypress and myrtle
  Are emblems of deeds that are done in their clime;
Where the rage of the vulture, the love of the turtle,
  Now melt into sorrow, now madden to crime?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Bride of Abydos, Canto i, Stanza 1
%%
Know you of such a bird?
No...but we could _make_ one...
No, we _couldn't_, Baldrick...Oh, I suppose you have to be told some-
  time. What happens is, a mummy bird and a daddy bird...who love each
  other very much...
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Money
%%
Know your lines and don't bump into the furniture.
 -- Spencer Tracy
%%
Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence
that you are wonderful.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
Knoxville, Tennessee, law says you must call a policeman if a
lion or tiger brushes against you on the street.
%%
:Knuth: /knooth/ [Donald E. Knuth's "The Art of Computer
   Programming"] n. Mythically, the reference that answers all
   questions about data structures or algorithms.  A safe answer when
   you do not know: "I think you can find that in Knuth."  Contrast
   {literature, the}.  See also {bible}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
KOALA
  Small furry Australian marsupial. Don't believe what you see on the
  telly, these are vicious little bastards. They'll quite happily
  claw you to death then piss all over you if you don't give them a
  Eucalyptus leaf to eat.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
KODACLONE:  Duplicating film.
%%
Kon: Are you happy?
Jake: Who can answer that question off the top of their head?
Kon: People who are happy.
 -- _The Two Jakes_
%%
KORAN, n.  A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been
written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a
wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Kor: "A Vulcan?  Do you also have a tongue?"
Spock: "I am Spock, a dealer in kivas and trillium."
Kor: "You do not look like a storekeeper."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kora wa hon desu...
 -- Japanese tagline #1
%%
Kor: "He will be examined.  If he is lying, he will die.  If he is telling the
  truth, he will find that business has taken a turn for the worse."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "However, it makes no difference whether you welcome me or not.  I am here
  and I will stay.  You are now subjects of the Klingon Empire.  You will find
  that there are many rules and regulations, they will be posted.  Violation of
  the smallest of them...will be punished by death."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "I am Kor, Military Governor of Organia."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "In the meantime, keep the people in order."
Kirk: "Or I will be killed."
Kor: "That is exactly right.  You will be killed."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "Take this man.  Vulcans are members of the Federation, he may be a spy."
Kirk: "He's no spy!"
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "This is the ruling council?"
Aelborne: "I am Aelborne, temporary head of the council.  I bid you welcome."
Kor: "No doubt you do."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: [To council]  "So you welcome me."  [To Kirk]  "Do you also welcome me?"
Kirk: "You are here, there's nothing I can do about it."
Kor: "Good, honest...hatred.  Very refreshing."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: [To Kirk]  "Who are you?"
Aelborne: "Oh, he is Barona, one of our leading citizens."
Kor: "And he has no tongue?"
Kirk: "I have a tongue."
Kor: "Good.  You will be taught how to use it."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "We Klingons have a reputaton for ruthlessness.  You will find that it is
  deserved.  Should one Klingon soldier be killed, a thousand Organians will
  die.  I will have order.  Is that clear?"
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "Well, have we a ram among the sheep?  You object to us taking him?"
Kirk: "He's done nothing.  Nothing at all."
Kor: "Coming from an Organian, yours is practically an act of rebellion.  Very
  good."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "Where is your smile?"
Kirk: "My what?"
Kor: "The *stupid*, idiotic smile everyone else seems to be wearing."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "Would you like to try our little truth-finder?" Kirk: "I don't
understand it." Kor: "It's a mind-sifter...or mind-ripper, depeending
on how much force is used.  We can record every thought, every bit
of knowledge in a man's mind.  Of  course, when that much force is
used, the mind is emptied...permanently, I'm  afraid.  What's left
is more vegetable than human."  Kirk: "And you are proud of this?"
Kor: "It is a tool.  A weapon.  Somewhat drastic, but very efficient.
 -- "Errand Of Mercy, Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "You, Barona.  You're the man."
Kirk: "Me?  I don't want the job."
Kor: "Have I *asked* whether or not you want it?"
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "You disapprove, Barona."
Kirk: "You need my approval?"
Kor: "I *'need'* your obedience.  Nothing more.  Will I have it?"
Kirk: "You seem to be in command."
Kor: "Yes...I am."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
Kor: "You do not like to be pushed.  Very good.  You may be a man I can deal
  with, Barona."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3201.7
%%
KOTEX:
Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best.
%%
KP      Krunch Paper
%%
Kraash yaw animees.   See dem driffen buhfore me, und hear da lamentashuns
uff dere wimmen.
 -- Conan the Barbarian (in Arnie-speak)
%%
Krazy Glue and a toothbrush.
 -- There's more than one way to skin a cat: Way #15
%%
KRISHNA
  The Hare Krishnas now have a security van service operating for the
  delivery of money and other material objects. Guards prevent
  robberies using chanting and gongs. For details, contact: Ramaguard.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Kristin: "Do you have any clothes around here I could borrow?  At least until I
  figure out where the swimming pool is?"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Kristin: "What do you think?"
Beverly: "Well, it looks like you tucked when you should've flattened out."
Kristin: "Something like that."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
:K&R: [Kernighan and Ritchie] n. Brian Kernighan and Dennis Ritchie's
   book "The C Programming Language", esp. the classic and influential
   first edition (Prentice-Hall 1978; ISBN 0-113-110163-3).  Syn.
   {White Book}, {Old Testament}.  See also {New Testament}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Krogt, n. (chemical symbol: Kr): The metallic silver coating found on fast-food
game cards.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
KRQR, home of the million dollar guarantee. You give us a million dollars,
 we'll play any song you want.  Guaranteed.
%%
Krusty has small feet.  Like all good-hearted people.
 -- Bart in "Krusty Gets Busted"
%%
Krusty:  "Hey kids, who do you love?"
kids:     "Krusty!!"
Krusty:  "How much do you love me?"
kids:  "With all our hearts!"
Krusty:  "What would you do if I went off the air?"
kids:      "WE'D KILL OURSELVES!"
 -- "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
Krusty, I'm man enough to admit I was wrong and I'm sorry I fingered you in
court.    I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on
in prison are exaggerated.
 -- Homer in "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
Krusty wore big, floppy shoes, but he's got little feet like all
good-hearted people.
 -- Bart in "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
Kryten: Ah, Virgil's Aeneid -- the epic tale of Agamemnon's pursuit of Helen
        of Troy.  The classic work by the greatest Latin poet who ever put
        quill to parchment.
Lister: Yeah, it's the comic-book version.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Inquisitor'
%%
Kryten: Camille looks like your sister-in-law?  What happened?  Was she
        involved in some kind of horrific car accident?
Rimmer: Who? Janine?  No, of course not -- she was a model!
Kryten: And she looked like Camille?
Rimmer: Absolutely!  The resemblance is uncanny!
Kryten: What did she model? Spark plugs?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Camille'
%%
Kryten: Damage control report: Dehydration level 45%; Recall of previous
        evening 2%; Embarrassment factor 91%!  Advise repair schedule:
        Reboot startup disk, offline for 36 hours and replace head.
        Boy! What a night!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'The Last Day'
%%
Kryten: Frankenstein was the creator -- not the monster.  It's a common
        misconception, held by all truly stupid people.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Quarantine'
%%
Kryten: It's a small, off-duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Camille'
%%
Kryten: It's the old, old story:
           Droid meets Droid,
           Droid becomes Chameleon,
           Droid loses Chameleon,
           Chameleon turns into Blob,
           Droid gets Blob back again,
           Blob meets Blob,
           Blob goes off with Blob,
           and Droid loses Blob, Chameleon, and Droid.
        How many times have we seen that story?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Camille'
%%
Kryten: No Silicon Heaven? Preposterous!  Where would all the calculators go?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'The Last Day'
%%
Kryten: Now I understand why they didn't bother with a handshake.
Holocrews are legendarilly arrogant.  They despise stupidity
wherever they see it, and they see it everywhere.
%%
Kryten personal blackbox recording.  Time: unknown.  Location: unknown.
 Cause of accident: unknown.  Should someone find this recording, perhaps
 it will shed light as to what happened here.  My short-term memory has
 been erased.  This I ascribe to the proximity of the magnetic coils from
 Starbug's rear engine.  Secondly, due to the proximity of the magnetic
 coils, my short-term memory appears to have been erased.  This, combined
 with the erasure of my short-term memory, has left me a little disoriented.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Terrorform'
%%
Kryten:  Pub: ah, yes, a meeting place where people attempt to reach
         advanced states of mental incompetence by the repeated consumption
         of fermented vegetable drinks.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Timeslides'
%%
Kryten: Spin my nipple-nuts and send me to Alaska!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Camille'
%%
Kryten: That is the Inquisitor.  He prunes away the wastrels, expunges
        the wretched, and deletes the worthless.
Rimmer: We're in big trouble.
 -- Red Dwarf 'Inquisitor'
%%
Kryten: They've taken Mr Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr Rimmer!
Cat:    Quick!  Let's get out of here before they bring him back!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Holoship'
%%
Kryten: We could go to Dallas in November, 1963, stand on the grassy knoll
        and shout Duck! ... I'm sorry; I must have bypassed my Good Taste
        Chip.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Timeslides'
%%
Kryten: You are a sick, sick person!  If mechanoids could barf, I'd be on to
        my fifth bag by now.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Inquisitor'
%%
KSR     Keyboard Shift Right
%%
K/S  The Human/Vulcan adventure is just beginning.
%%
[KTLA a.m. co-anchor Barbara Beck, "So, what's your favorite TV program?"]
Murphy Brown on KTLA/Channel 5--not!
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle in a television commercial
                    for KTLA's Murphy Brown reruns.
                    (reported in the San Jose Mercury News, 9/10/92)
%%
KUD     Kill User's data
%%
K'Vada: "Be careful, android!  Some Romulan beauty might take a liking to you!
  Lick that paint right off your ears."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
K'Vada: "Captain, we've monitored a subspace message that might interest you."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
K'Vada: "I cannot reveal classified Klingon entry codes to Starfleet."
Data: "Your entry codes can be easily reconfigured after we depart.
 And Captain  Picard has authorized me to share with you any information
we obtain from the  Romulan databanks." K'Vada: "Mmm."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
K'Vada: "I know my duty, Captain.  When I am given orders, I follow them, but I
  do not like secrets!  I want to know* why* we are going on this mission."
Picard: "I'm sorry, it's a classified matter."
K'Vada: "You're going after the defector, aren't you?"
Picard: "'Defector'?"
K'Vada: "Do you think information like that *stays* a secret?  Ambassador Spock
  has gone to Romulus, and you are going after him."
Picard: "Captain, your orders are to take us to a set of coordinates near
  Romulus and to bring us back.  And that is all I am prepared to discuss."
K'Vada: "If we are discovered by the Romulans, it means death for us all!"
Picard: "I realize that."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
K'Vada: "It may not be what you're used to on a Starfleet ship."
Picard: "Quite nice, thank you."
Data: "Captain K'Vada, is this the captain's quarters, or my own?"
K'Vada: "Both.  We have limited space.  We are a military ship, not a pleasure
  craft."
Picard: "Of course, this will be fine."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
K'Vada: "Just so we understand each other...my orders don't include rescue
  missions!"
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
K'Vada: [Laughs]  "Don't you two look *sweet*?!"
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
K'Vada: "We have more important things to attend to than acting as your
  nurse-maid!"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
K'Vada: "Well, Captain, we are at the border of the Neutral Zone.  You mean to
  do this, do you?"
Picard: "Yes I do."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
K'Vada: "You!  Do you know what the Romulans will do to you if they
discover who
  you are?"
Picard: "I have a good idea."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
K'Vada: "You will sleep Klingon style!  We do not soften our bodies
by...putting
  down padding."
Picard: "Good!  I prefer it that way!"
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
K'Vada: "You will take your meals with *us*!  But we do not serve Federation
  food."
Picard: "Ah, I've been looking forward to gagh!  Haven't had it for quite a
  while.  Very fresh."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
KWAT: lacking noise.  "Ah want peace an kwat aroun here!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
KYLIE
  I discovered today that "kylie" is actually Aboriginal for a
  boomerang. Which explains how Kylie Minogue's career keeps bouncing
  back, despite a lack of talent.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Kzinti Diplomatic Corps   Let's do lunch
%%
Labatt's "Genuine" Draft is really recycled Miller.
%%
Label all conservative Christians "radical right."
 -- Liberal Rule #37
%%
La Belle Dame Sans Merci: The beautiful lady who never says thank you.
 -- Michael Flanders
%%
LABEL NOT FOUND: go anywhere you like.
%%
LABEL NOT FOUND: Go To Your Room.
%%
LABIA MAJORA:
 The curly gates.
%%
Laborin' man an' laborin' woman
  Hev one glory an' one shame;
Ev'y thin' thet' s done inhuman
  Injers all on 'em the same.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. i
%%
Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Labor Pain:  Getting hurt at work...
%%
Labour for his pains.
 -- Edward Moore (1712-1757)
 -- The Boy and the Rainbow
%%
Labour in this country is independent and proud. It has not to ask
the patronage of capital, but capital solicits the aid of labor.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech, April, 1824, Vol. iii, p. 141
%%
Labour itself is but a sorrowful song,
The protest of the weak against the strong.
 -- F. W. Faber (1814-1863)
 -- The Sorrowful World
%%
Labour of love.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Thessalonians i, 3
%%
Labour to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial
fire,--conscience.
 -- George Washington (1732-1799)
 -- Rule from the Copy-book of Washington when a schoolboy
%%
Lab rats seem to have been bred for cancer hypersensitivity by the medical
 establishment and the FDA.   We are the kings and the rats taste our food.
 -- James Salsman (jps@cat.cmu.edu)
%%
:lace card: n. obs. A {{punched card}} with all holes punched
   (also called a `whoopee card' or `ventilator card').  Card
   readers tended to jam when they got to one of these, as the
   resulting card had too little structural strength to avoid buckling
   inside the mechanism.  Card punches could also jam trying to
   produce these things owing to power-supply problems.  When some
   practical joker fed a lace card through the reader, you needed to
   clear the jam with a `card knife' --- which you used on the joker
   first.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.
%%
Lack of Domestic Policy is No Problem
 -- George Bush answers his critics.
%%
Lack of Foreign Policy is No Problem.
 -- George Bush answers his critics.
%%
Lack of money is no obstacle.  Lack of an idea is an obstacle.
 -- Ken Hakuta
%%
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
Lack of proof <> proof of lack.
%%
Lack of sex causes poor eyesight.
%%
Lack of skill dictates economy of style.
 -- Joey Ramone
%%
Lack of will power has caused more failure than
lack of intelligence or ability.
 -- Flower A. Newhouse
%%
LAC: Lose All Communication
%%
Lactomangulation, n.:  Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so
badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
La Cucaracha, La Cucaracha, ya no puede caminar -
porque no tiene, porque le falta, marijuana que fumar.
%%
Laddie, d'ye think ye might like to rephrase that?
%%
Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis has left the planet.
%%
Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
%%
Ladies and gentlemen, the question you have to ask
 yourselves on November 8th is whose judgement do
 you trust?  Do you trust the judgement of a man
 who traded arms to the Ayatollah and used that
 money to fund an illegal war in Central America,
 or do you trust a son of Greek immigrants, who can
 think and talk in complete sentences?
 -- From the Bush-Dukakis debate satire on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
%%
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
 -- In a Norwegian cocktail lounge
%%
Ladies don't show their undies unintentionally.
%%
Ladies, here's a hint: if you're playing against a friend who has big
 boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That's the
 hardest shot for the well-endowed.
 -- Billie Jean King
%%
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
 having a good time.
 -- In a Rome laundry
%%
Ladies please keep  (.) (.)  off of the bar!
%%
Ladies' Sewing Circle And Terrorist Society
%%
Ladies, whose bright eyes
Rain influence, and judge the prize.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 121
%%
Ladies with an attitude.
%%
Ladybug, ladybug,
Look to your stern!
Your house is on fire,
Your children will burn!
So jump ye and sing, for
The very first time
The four lines above
Have been put into rhyme.
 -- Walt Kelly
%%
Lady Luck brings added income today.
Lady friend takes it away tonight.
%%
Lady Macbeth to her dog: "Out, damned Spot!"
%%
Lady say 'NO' meen maybe. Girl say maybe meen 'YES'. Lady say 'YES'---
She no lady.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Laetrile is the pits.
%%
LaForge: "Are you feeling all right?"
Scott: "Well, never get drunk unless you're willing to pay for it the next day.
  I'll manage."
LaForge: "Okay..."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
LaForge: "Are you saying that you created a core breach just to...*test* this
  girl?"
Q: "Uh-huh."
Troi: "What would have happened if she couldn't stop it?"
Q: "Then I would've known that she wasn't a Q!"
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
LaForge: "Can I ask you a question?  What in the world made you think of using
  the transporter pattern buffer to survive?"
Scott: "Well, we didn't have enough supplies to wait for the rescue, so we had
  to think of something."
LaForge: "Yeah, but locking it into a diagnostic cycle so that the pattern
  wouldn't degrade and then cross-connecting it with the phase inducers to
  provide a regenerative power source.  That's absolutely brilliant."
Scott: "Well, I think was only fifty percent brilliant.  Franklin deserves
  better."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
LaForge: "Captain Scott!  I've tried to be patient, I've tried to be polite.
  But I've got a job to do here!  And quite frankly, you're in the way!"
Scott: "I was driving starships while your great-grandfather was still in
  *diapers*!  I think you'd be a little grateful for some help!  I'll leave you
  to work, Mister LaForge!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
LaForge: "Commander, are you all right?!  You okay?"
Riker: "I didn't see it coming."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
LaForge: "Commander, he's not worth it."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
LaForge: "Commander, the transporter is still online.  It's being
fed power from  the auxillary systems." Riker: "The rematerialization
subroutine's been disabled." LaForge: "Yeah, and that's not all. 
The phase inducters are connected to the  emitter array.  The override
is completely gone, and the pattern buffer's  been locked into a continuous
diagnostic cycle." Riker: "This doesn't make any sense.  Locking the
unit into a diagnostic mode  just sends the matter array through a
pattern buffer.  Why would anyone--" LaForge: "There's a pattern in
the buffer still." Riker: "It's completely intact.  There's less than
point-zero-zero-three percent  signal degredation.  How is that possible?"
LaForge: "I don't know, I've never seen a transporter jury-rigged
like this  before."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
LaForge: "Data, why are you laughing?"
Data: "I do not know.  But it was a wonderful...feeling."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
LaForge: "Don't tell me, their rubber band broke, right?"
 -- "Samaritan Snare", Stardate unknown
%%
LaForge: "Either way, Reg, you're an important part of this crew.  In fact, I
  could really use your help with that Level Three Diagnostic."
Barclay: "Sure."
Troi: "Excuse me, Commander, but um, I believe Mister Barclay and I have a date
  scheduled, for a walk in the Arboretum?"
LaForge: "The diagnostic can wait.  I'll see you later."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44721.9
%%
LaForge: "Eliminate LaForge."
 -- "Identity Crisis", Stardate unknown
%%
LaForge: "How about you, Commander?  Have any memories you feel like digging
  up?"
Riker: "None that I'd care to share with an audience."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
LaForge: "How did I know you were going to say that."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45431.7
%%
LaForge: "How're you doing?" Barclay: "I wish I could convey to you
what it's like for me now...what I've  become." LaForge: "Yeah?  Try."
Barclay: "I can conceive almost infinite possibilites and can fully
explore each  of them in a nanosecond!  I perceive the universe as
a single equation and it  is so simple!"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
LaForge: "I always thought Data would outlive us all, by centuries."
 -- "The Most Toys", Stardate unknown
%%
LaForge: "I don't know how he did it, but shield strength has been increased by
  three-hundred percent!  That should be enough, Captain."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
LaForge: "I'll take a look and see if there're any rules I haven't broken."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
LaForge: "I'm talking to the wrong crowd."
 -- "New Ground", Stardate unknown
%%
LaForge: "I need to get down to Engineering to begin that analysis."
Scott: "'Engineering'?  I thought you'd never ask!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
LaForge: "I spent two hours having a cozy little chat with the computer."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45431.7
%%
LaForge: "It is almost impossible to tell where Barclay ends and the computer
  begins."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
LaForge: "I wonder why you're the only one on board?" Data: "I have
expended considerable thought with respect to my apparent  uniqueness
among the crew." LaForge: "Any conclusions?" Data: "Several possibilities
suggest themselves.  I may represent an entire  *race* of artificial
lifeforms.  If so there may be a home planet for others  of my kind,
a shared history and a culture of which I am not presently aware."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
LaForge: "Just plain old Barclay, huh?"
Barclay: "It always seems to come back to that, doesn't it?"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44721.9
%%
LaForge: "Looks like we're all in the same boat."
Riker: "Make that 'the same starship'."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
LaForge: "Move it people, let's move it!"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
LaForge: "On the other hand, I remember everything about the time
I got my first
  pet, a Cirkacian cat.  I was eight.  I remember how funny-looking he was, I
  remember how excited I was.  It was if it happened yesterday."
Data: "Perhaps you remember the pleasant memories and forget the unpleasant
  ones."
LaForge: "No, sometimes the bad memories can be the most intense of all."
Data: "It would seem there is no predictable pattern to human memory."
LaForge: "'It would seem'."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
LaForge: "Q, I've got a few people down on Bre'el IV who are going
to be hurt!" Q: "Yes, yes, yes!  Your marvelous plan will not only
tear the moon to pieces,  but your precious ship as well!" LaForge:
"You got a better idea?" Q: "Well, I would certainly begin, by examining
the cause, and not the symptom." LaForge: "We've done that already,
Q, and there's no way to--" Q: "This is obviously the result of a
large celestial object passing through  at near-right angles to the
plane of the star system.  Probably a black hole."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
LaForge: "Q, your 'experience' will be most valuable to me if you
could manually
  control the field integrity."
Q: "Don't be foolish.  That would be a waste of my talents!"
LaForge: "Q, get to the controls or get the hell out of here!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
LaForge: "Reg, ever since our run-in with that probe something's different
about
  you."
Barclay: "What?  Because I'm beginning to behave like the rest of the crew?
  With confidence in what I'm doing?"
LaForge: "You just spent the entire night arguing grand unification theories
  with Albert Einstein!"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
LaForge: "Reg, something's wrong with you.  And we can't ignore that."
Barclay: "Yes, but I've finally become the person I've always wanted to be.  Do
  we have to ask why?"
LaForge: "Yeah, I think we do."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
LaForge: "Shut up, Q!"
Q: I will not be spoken to in this manner!"  [Why didn't Wesley respond like
  this?]
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
LaForge: "So, this alien space-baby, which is about the size of a four story
  building, *really* felt the Enterprise was its mother."
Scott: "Oh, you're pulling an old man's leg!"
LaForge: "No, really!  It was suckling power directly from ship's fusion
  reactors.  So Doctor Brahms and I changed the power frequency from twenty-one
  centimeters to point-zero-two centimeters."
Scott: "And you soured the milk!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
LaForge: "That's it.  I've disconnected the audio and visual pickups.  We can
  talk without being monitored by the computer."
Worf: "By *Barclay*."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
LaForge: "Then again, you could've been built just for this ship."
Data: "I have considered that possibility as well.  It may also be
the case that  every starship in the Federation is equipped with an
artificial lifeform such  as myself." LaForge: "Hmm.  If that's true,
maybe you all look alike.  A standard-issue  android, hard to construct,
so only one allowed per vessel." Data: "Hmm."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
LaForge: "This is going to be like putting together a big jigsaw puzzle
when you
  don't even know what the picture's supposed to be."
Riker: "Yup."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
LaForge: "This...this is why I'm in Starfleet."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
LaForge: "Well, do you understand how this happened to you?"
Barclay: "I believe it is a gift, that I have been chosen to fulfill a great
  promise."
LaForge: "Uh-huh."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
LaForge: "Well it's too bad there aren't more of you around.  We could
certainly
  use the help."
Data: "Yes."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
LaForge: "Well, she's a little slow, but she'll certainly get you to the Norpon
  Colony, if that's really where you want to go."
Scott: "The Norpon Colony is for old men to retire.  Maybe someday, I'll end up
  there.  But not yet."
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
LaForge: "We should be back up in eight to twelve hours, Admiral."
Hansen: "Well, we'll miss you at the party!"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
LaForge: "Wesley, you may get straight 'A's in school, but there's a lot you
  need to learn about poker."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
LaForge: "What's he done?  I mean, we're talking about locking a man up for
  being too smart."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
LaForge: "What was that all about?"
Barclay: "I had some ideas late last night.
I needed to consult with the  computer about some quantum-electrodynamic
calculatons.  A Holodeck-Einstein  program seemed like the best way.
 I guess I went a little overboard!"
LaForge: "'A little'?  Most of the stuff on that blackboard was way out of my
league.  And yours too."
Barclay: "Not really.  I just hadn't thought along those lines
before.  It's all  really pretty evident now, and if you were to put
your mind to it, I  suppose--"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
LaForge: "Who knows if we're even dead or alive."
 -- "Yesterday's Enterprise", Stardate unknown
%%
LaForge: "You know, if we could get these engines back online, we
could track  them with their impulse ion trail." Scott: "Are you deaf?
 The main drive assembly's shot, the inducers have melted,  the power
couplings are wrecked.  We'd need a week just to get started!  But,
 we don't have a week, so, we've no sense in crying about it!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
LaForge: "You know, I think you're going to enjoy the twenty-fourth
century,  Mister Scott.  We've made some pretty incredible advances
these last eighty  years." Scott: "Oh, from what I've seen, you've
got a fine ship, Mister LaForge.  A real  beauty here.  I must admit
to being a bit overwhelmed." LaForge: "Hmm, wait 'til you see the
Holodeck."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
LaForge: "You know, this might work?  We can't change the gravitational
constant
  of the universe, but if we wrap a low-level warp field around that moon, we
  could reduce its gravitational constant.  Make it lighter so we can push it!"
Q: "Glad I could help."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
LaForge: "You must have been one hell of a bartender."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
LaForge: "You take care of yourself out there."
Scott: "Aye!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
LaForge: "You were saying it's as big as life.  You mean the Dyson sphere."
Scott: "Aye, a natural Dyson sphere!  Can you imagine the engineering skills
  needed to design such a structure?"
LaForge: "Yeah, I know, it's pretty amazing."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
LAG: Load and Garble
%%
LAGNAF:
 Let's All Get Naked And Fuck!
%%
LAGS: the lower limbs.  "She got the cutest lags in town!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
LAGW: Load And Go Wrong
%%
laiceps er'uoy siht daer nac uoy fI
%%
Laid Off!: Gwen Home
%%
Laissez Faire Economics is the theory that if each acts like a vulture,
 all will end as doves.
%%
Laissez le bon temps roule.
%%
Lake Erie died for your sins.
%%
Lakes resting on one another:
The image of the Joyous.
Thus the superior man joins with his friends
For discussion and practice.
%%
Lake Wobegon takes its name from an Indian phrase that means either
'Here we are!' or 'we sat all day in the rain waiting for you.'
 -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
LAK?!  What kind of name is Lak?!  oh..Lak the wizard!..nice name!
%%
La la la, la la la la... (Banana Splits theme)
%%
Lal: "He's biting that female!"
Guinan: "No, he's not biting her.  They're pressing lips together.  It's called
  'kissing'."
 -- "The Offspring", Stardate unknown
%%
Lal: "I am genter neuter, inadequate."
 -- "The Offspring", Stardate unknown
%%
Lal, I am unable to correct the system failure.
"I know."
We must say goodbye now.
"I feel..."
What do you feel, Lal?
"I love you, father."
I wish I could feel it with you.
"I will feel it for both of us. Thank you for my life. Flirting. Laughter.
  Painting. Family. Female. Humo-"
 -- Data and Lal, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
Lal is my child. You ask that I volunteer to give her up. I cannot. It
  would violate every lesson I have learned about human parenting. I
  have brought a new life into this world and it is my duty, not
  Starfleet's, to guide her through these difficult steps to maturity.
  To support her as she learns. To prepare her to be a contributing
  member of society. No one can relieve me from that obligation. And
  I cannot ignore it. I am...her father.
 -- Data about Lal, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
LA: Lockout Access
%%
Lal: "Wy are they leaving?"
Guinan: "Lal, there are some things your father's just going to have to explain
  to you when he thinks you're ready."
 -- "The Offspring", Stardate unknown
%%
Lamachus chid a captain for a fault; and when he had said he would
do so no more, "Sir," said he, "in war there is no room for a second
miscarriage." Said one to Iphicrates, "What are ye afraid of?" "Of
all speeches," said he, "none is so dishonourable for a general as
'I should not have thought of it.'"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Iphicrates
%%
((LAMBDA ((X) (X X))) (LAMBDA ((X) (X X))))
%%
LamBORGini: The car that really assimilates the road!
%%
Lamb Wham Bam
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Lamenting and sighing, floods of tears. No blame.
%%
Lamers need not reply.
%%
Laminites: those strange people who show up inside new wallets.
%%
L'amour vient de l'aveuglement, l'amitie de la connaissance.
[Love comes from blindness, friendship from knowledge].
 -- Comte de Bussy-Rabutin
%%
Lampis, the sea commander, being asked how he got his wealth, answered,
"My greatest estate I gained easily enough, but the smaller slowly
and with much labour."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Whether an Aged Man ought to meddle in State Affairs
%%
Lampoon - a device for harpooning lambs
%%
"Lampshade Love"

    Oh Lampshade! How you soften light.
   Protecting my eyes from blinding light.
       You shift the light on this and that.
 At parties you double as a hat.
       Oh Lampshade! It's so clearly true,
   That I am devoted so much to you.
 -- Ravenous Tenebrosity
%%
La Musique est une science
Qui veut qu'on rit et chant et danse.
[Music is a Science, which wants people laughing and singing and dancing.]
 -- Machaut (1300-77)
%%
Lance Hillhouse: Professional Instigations for a Nominal Fee.
%%
Landlords do it every month.
%%
landmark: visual pattern similar to a water mark, only dry.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
LAND, n.  A part of the earth's surface, considered as property.  The
theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control
is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the
superstructure.  Carried to its logical conclusion, it means that some
have the right to prevent others from living; for the right to own
implies the right exclusively to occupy; and in fact laws of trespass
are enacted wherever property in land is recognized.  It follows that
if the whole area of _terra firma_ is owned by A, B and C, there will
be no place for D, E, F and G to be born, or, born as trespassers, to
exist.

    A life on the ocean wave,
        A home on the rolling deep,
    For the spark the nature gave
        I have there the right to keep.

    They give me the cat-o'-nine
        Whenever I go ashore.
    Then ho! for the flashing brine --
        I'm a natural commodore!
                                                                 Dodle
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Land of lost gods and godlike men.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 85
%%
Land of the Single Entendre...
%%
Land o' Goshen! Can't a person get any privacy around here?
Now go away, I'm taking a bath.
%%
Landru! Guide us!
 -- A Beta 3 person, "The Return of the Archons," stardate 3157.4
%%
Landscapers plant it deeper.
%%
Landslide geologists are unstable!!!
%%
Land Trout migrate to earth occaisionally....
%%
LANE: to incline.  "Jes lane it upside the wall!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Language: A system of organizing and defining syntax errors.
%%
        Language exists only on the surface of our consciousness.
        The great human struggles are played out in silence and in
        the ability to express oneself.
 -- Franz Xavier Kroetz
%%
Language exists to conceal true thought.
 -- Talleyrand
%%
Language is a city to the building of which every human being
brought a stone.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
  Language is all that separates us from the lower animals,
     and from the bureaucrats.
 -- Adler's Distinction
%%
Language is a means by which mistakes are propagated.
%%
Language is a virus from outer space.
 -- William S. Burroughs
%%
Language is by its very nature a communal thing;
 that is, it expresses never the exact thing but a compromise
 -- that which is common to you, me and everybody.
 -- Ernest Hulme, Speculations
%%
Language is fossil poetry.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "The Poet"
%%
Language is the light of the mind.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
:language lawyer: n. A person, usually an experienced or senior
   software engineer, who is intimately familiar with many or most of
   the numerous restrictions and features (both useful and esoteric)
   applicable to one or more computer programming languages.  A
   language lawyer is distinguished by the ability to show you the
   five sentences scattered through a 200-plus-page manual that
   together imply the answer to your question "if only you had
   thought to look there".  Compare {wizard}, {legal},
   {legalese}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LANGUAGE, n.  The music with which we charm the serpents guarding
another's treasure.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Languages are the pedigrees of nations.
 -- Johnson
%%
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
 -- B. L. Whorf
%%
:languages of choice: n. {C} and {LISP}.  Nearly every
   hacker knows one of these, and most good ones are fluent in both.
   Smalltalk and Prolog are also popular in small but influential
   communities.

   There is also a rapidly dwindling category of older hackers with
   FORTRAN, or even assembler, as their language of choice.  They
   often prefer to be known as {Real Programmer}s, and other
   hackers consider them a bit odd (see "{The Story of Mel, a
   Real Programmer}" in {Appendix A}).  Assembler is generally no longer
   considered interesting or appropriate for anything but {HLL}
   implementation, {glue}, and a few time-critical and
   hardware-specific uses in systems programs.  FORTRAN occupies a
   shrinking niche in scientific programming.

   Most hackers tend to frown on languages like {{Pascal}} and
   {{Ada}}, which don't give them the near-total freedom considered
   necessary for hacking (see {bondage-and-discipline language}),
   and to regard everything even remotely connected with {COBOL} or
   other traditional {card walloper} languages as a total and
   unmitigated {loss}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Language works the way it does because it does.
 -- John Ciardi
%%
LAN HO!
%%
!lanimret siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
%%
LANtmine  A server on the verge of crashing.
%%
LAN Users Get more Connections
%%
LAOCOON, n.  A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest
of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents.
The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the
serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as
one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human
intelligence over brute inertia.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
LAPD Motto: We Treat you like a 'KING'
 -- Rodney King
%%
LAPD Officers trade Batons in on Non Deadly Bricks!
%%
LAP: Laugh At Program
%%
LAP: Laugh At Programmer
%%
LAP, n.  One of the most important organs of the female system -- an
admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly
useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and
heads of adult males.  The male of our species has a rudimentary lap,
imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal's
substantial welfare.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
La polvere, il sangue, le mosche, l'odore.
Per strada e nei campi la gente che muore.
E tu, tu la chiami guerra e non sai che cos'e.
E tu, tu la chiami guerra e non ti chiedi perche.
[The dust, the blood, the flies, the smell.
On the road and in the fields the people that die.
And you, you call it war, and don't know what it is.
And you, you call it war, and don't ask yourself "why?".]
 -- Fabrizio De Andre
%%
Laptop: Lighter than the avg. secretary
%%
Lap-top: Smaller and lighter than the average secretary.

Portable:  Smaller and lighter than the average refrigerator.

Transportable: Neither chained to a wall nor attached to an alarm system.
%%
La Quinta is Spanish for "Next to Denny's."
%%
Larchmont is so tiny there's a mirror at one end.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
Large cats are a no-no, but a little pussy is fine.
%%
Large cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anyone.
%%
Large dogs make larger turds than little ones.
%%
Large elements in order brought,
  And tracts of calm from tempest made,
  And world-wide fluctuation sway'd,
In vassal tides that follow'd thought.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, cxii, Stanza 4
%%
Large increases in cost with questionable increases in
 performance can be tolerated only in race horses and women.
 -- Lord Kalvin
%%
Largely because it is so tangible and exciting a program and as such will
 serve to keep alive the interest and enthusiasm of the whole spectrum of
 society...It is justified because...the program can give a sense of shared
 adventure and achievement to the society at large.
 -- Dr. Colin S. Pittendrigh, in The History of Manned Space Flight
%%
LARGE MAN:   Who's that then?
CART DRIVER: (Grudgingly) I dunno, Must be a king.
LARGE MAN:   Why?
CART DRIVER: He hasn't got shit all over him.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Large numbers of things are determined, and therefore not subject to change.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Large was his bounty, and his soul sincere,
  Heaven did a recompense as largely send:
He gave to mis'ry (all he had) a tear,
  He gained from Heav'n ('t was all he wish'd) a friend.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Epitaph
%%
LARKS' VOMIT! It don't say nothing on the box about larks' vomit!
Yes it does, on the bottom, right after monosodium glutamate.
 -- Monty Python--Trade Descriptions Act
%%
Larry, Curly and Moe at Tenagra.
 -- Tamarian Comedy
%%
Larry D. Welch, Chief of Staff, US Air Force, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Larry is the name and, Plastics are my game.
%%
Larry King couldn't compete against Rush Limbaugh so Larry ran away.
%%
Larry lived alone in his small inner-city apartment. He had no friends and
 most people ignored him at all costs.

 Then one day, unexpectedly, the phone rang. And Larry was suprised to find
 himself talking to god.

 "Is this 555-3178?" God asked.

 "No, this is 555-7138."

 "Sorry." And God hung up.
%%
Larry Michels, CEO of the Santa Cruz Operation, has resigned
amid charges of routine sexual harrassment of female employees
(San Jose Mercury News, 12/22/92), causing us to take a new look
at some of the standard commands distributed with SCO UNIX:

look, tty, touch, tail, grep, awk, sh, date, sed -no, unzip, nice, biff
%%
:larval stage: n. Describes a period of monomaniacal concentration
   on coding apparently passed through by all fledgling hackers.
   Common symptoms include the perpetration of more than one 36-hour
   {hacking run} in a given week; neglect of all other activities
   including usual basics like food, sleep, and personal hygiene; and
   a chronic case of advanced bleary-eye.  Can last from 6 months to 2
   years, the apparent median being around 18 months.  A few so
   afflicted never resume a more `normal' life, but the ordeal
   seems to be necessary to produce really wizardly (as opposed to
   merely competent) programmers.  See also {wannabee}.  A less
   protracted and intense version of larval stage (typically lasting
   about a month) may recur when one is learning a new {OS} or
   programming language.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
La schmoove, ain't got nuttin to prove...
%%
Lasciate ogni speranza voi ch'entrate!  [Abandon all
hope, you who enter!]
 -- Dante Alighieri (1265-1321)
 -- La Divina Commedia [The Divine Comedy] (1310-1321) "Inferno" canto 3, l. 9
%%
"Lascivious adulterer!"
"Don't call me that again until I look it up!  Ah, a lascivious
adulterer is a man who is a lascivious adulterer!  What kind of
book is this?"
 -- Woody Allen, "What's New, Pussycat?"
%%
:lase: /layz/ vt. To print a given document via a laser printer.
   "OK, let's lase that sucker and see if all those graphics-macro
   calls did the right things."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:laser chicken: n. Kung Pao Chicken, a standard Chinese dish
   containing chicken, peanuts, and hot red peppers in a spicy
   pepper-oil sauce.  Many hackers call it `laser chicken' for
   two reasons: It can {zap} you just like a laser, and the
   sauce has a red color reminiscent of some laser beams.

   In a variation on this theme, it is reported that some Australian
   hackers have redesignated the common dish `lemon chicken' as
   `Chernobyl Chicken'.  The name is derived from the color of the
   sauce, which is considered bright enough to glow in the dark (as,
   mythically, do some of the inhabitants of Chernobyl).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LASER:
        Failed death ray.
%%
Laser printers do it without making an impression.
%%
:Lasherism: [Harvard] n. A program that solves a standard problem
   (such as the Eight Queens puzzle or implementing the {life}
   algorithm) in a deliberately nonstandard way.  Distinguished from a
   {crock} or {kluge} by the fact that the programmer did it on
   purpose as a mental exercise.  Such constructions are quite popular
   in exercises such as the {Obfuscated C contest}, and
   occasionally in {retrocomputing}.  Lew Lasher was a student at
   Harvard around 1980 who became notorious for such behavior.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with
was made up of idiots.  Remember?  One of them was always getting
pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the
farmhouse to alert the other ones.  She'd whimper and tug at their
sleeves, and they'd always waste precious minutes saying things: Do
you think something's wrong?   Do you think she wants us to follow her?
What is it, girl?, etc., as if this had never happened before, instead
of every week.   What with all the time these people spent pinned under
the tractor, I don't see how they managed to grow any crops
whatsoever.  They probably got by on federal crop supports, which
Lassie filed the applications for.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Last, but by no means least, courage -- moral courage, the courage of
one's convictions, the courage to see things through.  The world is in a
constant conspiracy against the brave. It's the age-old struggle -- the
roar of the crowd on one side and the voice of your conscience on the
other.
 -- General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
%%
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.
%%
Last but not least, lay off cliches.
 -- Writing Rule 19
%%
Lasting perseverance furthers.
%%
last_laugh = gloat();
%%
LAST, n.  A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as
opportunity to the maker of puns.

    Ah, punster, would my lot were cast,
        Where the cobbler is unknown,
    So that I might forget his last
        And hear your own.
                                                          Gargo Repsky
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the
 pillow was gone.
 -- Tommy Cooper
%%
Last night I dreamt I had insomnia!
%%
Last night I had rinsed out my sari strip and briefs in the sea. I walked
down naked to where they hung in the branches of the silvery leafed tree
beside the creek. Underneath the lazy sensuality of a luxurious stretch
from toes to nose I felt the strong unequivocal demand of my blood. I
hugged myself for a moment watching the grey light yield to dawn through
half-closed eyes.
 -- Lucy Irvine, Castaway
%%
Last night I held a little hand,
No other hand, tho held so tight,
 So dainty and so neat.
Could greater gladness bring,
 I thought my heart would surely burst;  Than the hand I held last night;
 So wildly did it beat.
Four aces and a king.
%%
Last night I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Last night I watched the news and the end of the broadcast showed numerous
 changes favorable for the people (e.g., Rumania, Berlin Wall, etc.).   My
 fiancee and I turned to each other and said ``No images from the US.''
 -- Mike Shaff (shaff@elements.rpal.com)
%%
Last night I watched the news from Washington (the Capitol).
 The Russians had escaped while we weren't watching them (like Russians will).
 Now we have all this room; we've even got the moon,
 and I hear the USSR will be open soon as Vacationland for
 lawyers in love.
 -- Jackson Browne
%%
Last night sex was so good the neighbors lit cigarettes.
%%
Last one out of Mass., shut off the lights.
%%
Last one out of Washington, please don't forget to flush.
%%
Last one out, turn off the computer!
%%
Last one out turn on the UPS.
%%
Last scene of all that ends this strange, eventful history, is second
childishness, and mere oblivion; sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste,
sans everything.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Last season we couldn't win at home, and this season we can't win on
the road.  My failure as a coach is that I can't think of anyplace else to
play.
 -- Harry Neale, former Vancouver Canuk coach
%%
Last sperm in is a rotten egg!
%%
Last time I felt this good was 9AM - about 12 years ago.
%%
Last time I was stoned, I tried to eat an airport.
%%
Last weak, I kudent spel progrmir, now I r wun.....
%%
Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police
record.  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album.  Cops have no sense
of humor.
%%
Last week a mob attacked a white attorney because he was defending someone
 accused of killing a black man, and that's wrong. He should've been
 attacked because he's a lawyer.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Last week I got badly beaten up fighting for a woman's honor. Next time
 I'll pick a smaller woman.
 -- Henry Gibson
%%
Last week I saw a girl in a sweater so tight I could hardly breathe.
%%
Last week I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She
 locked me in the cellar ... My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign.
 Together we make mud.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
Last week, I went to Philidelphia, but it was closed.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone
 just stood around and sang "Happy Birthday To You".
%%
Last Will and Testament?  Oh, come on, that's a dead giveaway!
%%
Last words at Rusty & Edie's: Ed, go see who's at the door.
%%
Last Words of Advice: If you pay your taxes and don't get into debt
and go to bed early and never answer the telephone, no harm can befall you.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Last year I entered the LA marathon. I finished last. It was embarrassing.
 And the guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me.
 He said, "Hey, Gerry, how does it feel to be last?" I said, "You want to
 know?" So I dropped out.
 -- Gerry Bednob
%%
Last year I was 39.  This year I'm 3A.
%%
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali.  He was using a dotted line.  He
 caught every other fish.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Last year many lives were caused in automobile accidents.
%%
Last year's was better.
 -- Law of Regressive Achievement
%%
Last year we drove across the country...  We switched on the driving...
 every half mile...  We had one cassette tape to listen to on the
 entire trip........... I don't remember what it was...
 -- Stephen Wright
%%
Last year, when Brutus was about to kill Julius Caesar, the Prince
  yelled out, 'Look behind you, Mr. Caesar'.
 -- Edmund, Sense and Senility
%%
Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won.
%%
Last yeer I kudn't spel Progarmmer Now I are won.
%%
Last yur I kudnt spel modjerater now I are won.
%%
late-60's variant: Why did the running-dog lackey of the bourgeoisie
throw the clock out the window?  Because it was a continual reminder of
the imminent doom of capitalism!  Oh, well, you had to be there...
%%
Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent.  It's a sort of threat you see.  I've
never been very good at them myself, but I'm told they can be very effective.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Late last night I slew my wife,
Stretched her on the parquet flooring;
I was loath to take her life,
But I had to stop her snoring!
 -- Harry Graham
%%
Late, late yestreen I saw the new moone,
Wi' the auld moon in hir arme.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Reliques of Ancient Poetry, Sir Patrick Spens
%%
Late Nite Diversions, Sarnia, Ont.
%%
LATER..........AS IN MUCH!!
%%
Later, dude.
%%
Late Roman score -Lions=3 Christians=1
%%
Later, 'O' Mighty Tag God...
%%
Later!                    Tony  Morency
%%
Latest Blonde Invention: The Cordless Bungee.
%%
Latest conspiracy theory: Humpty Dumpty was pushed!!!
%%
Latest news? Put newsgroup 'netUNX.indoor.hackers-scroll' in your .newsrc!
%%
Latest news! SYSOP overthrown by a coup!
%%
Latest sports results and round-up from the Colosseum:
 LIONS 8 - CHRISTIANS didn't
%%
Latin is a real angina gluteus maximus.
%%
Laugh, about it, shout about it when you've got to choose--whichever way
 you look at it you lose.
 -- Paul Simon
%%
Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
%%
Laugh, and the world laughs at you.
 -- Peter Campbell
%%
Laugh, and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
 -- Anthony Burgess
%%
Laugh and the world thinks you are an idiot!
%%
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
%%
Laugh at your troubles & you'll never run out of laughter.
%%
Laugh-a while you can-a, monkey-boy!
 -- John Whorfin
%%
Laugh, clown, laugh.  This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Laughing at his own son, who got his mother, and by his mother's means
his father also, to indulge him, he told him that he had the most
power of any one in Greece: "For the Athenians command the rest of
Greece, I command the Athenians, your mother commands me, and you
command your mother."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Themistocles
%%
Laughing In The White House: Polly Tickle
%%
Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it
principally in one spot.
 -- Josh Billings (1818-85), American humorist
%%
Laughing on the outside, paneling on the inside, ...
%%
Laugh it up, Fuzzball.
 -- Han Solo
%%
Laugh it up, fuzzball.
 -- Solo to Chewie (Star Wars)
%%
Laughter is always the best medicine, no question about it. Laugh and have
 fun, you only go through this life once, and if you do it right, once is
 plenty. Somehow, it just does not pay to go through life acting like you
 are a monument to chronic constipation.
%%
Laughter is by definition healthy.
 -- Doris Lessing
%%
Laughter is contagious.  Be a carrier.
%%
Laughter is the best lubricant for life's engine.
%%
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
LAUGHTER, n.  An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the
features and accompanied by inarticulate noises.  It is infectious
and, though intermittent, incurable.  Liability to attacks of laughter
is one of the characteristics distinguishing man from the animals --
these being not only inaccessible to the provocation of his example,
but impregnable to the microbes having original jurisdiction in
bestowal of the disease.  Whether laughter could be imparted to
animals by inoculation from the human patient is a question that has
not been answered by experimentation.  Dr. Meir Witchell holds that
the infection character of laughter is due to the instantaneous
fermentation of _sputa_ diffused in a spray.  From this peculiarity he
names the disorder _Convulsio spargens_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Laughter requires no prescription and in addition to this, it is far and
 away the best medicine.
%%
Laughter should dimple the cheek, not furrow the brow. A jest should
be such, that all shall be able to join in the laugh which it occasions;
but if it bear hard upon one of the company, like the crack of a
string, it makes a stop in the music.
 -- Feltham
%%
Laughter... the no side effect tranquilizer.
%%
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
%%
LAUNCELOT: At last!   A call!  A cry of distress ...
           (he draws his sword, and turns to CONCORDE)
           Concorde!  Brave, Concorde ... you shall not have died in vain!
CONCORDE:  I'm not quite dead, sir ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
LAUNCELOT: I am, sir. I am a Knight of King Arthur.
FATHER:    'Mm ... very nice castle, Camelot ... very good pig country....
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
LAUNCELOT: Isn't there a St. Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh's in Cornwall?
ARTHUR:    No, that's Saint Ives.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
   LAUNCELOT leaps into SHOT with a mighty cry and runs the GUARD through and
   hacks him to the floor.  Blood.  Swashbuckling music (perhaps).
   LAUNCELOT races through into the castle screaming.
SECOND SENTRY: Hey!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
`Launch on warning' means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Laundry: a place where clothes are mangled.
%%
Laundry increases exponentially in the number of children.
 -- Miriam Robbins
%%
Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea):  For best results:
Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For
not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on
roofrack.
%%
Laundry is the fifth dimension!!  ...um...um...  th' washing machine
 is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
LAUREATE, adj.  Crowned with leaves of the laurel.  In England the
Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as
dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal
funeral.  Of all incumbents of that high office, Robert Southey had
the most notable knack at drugging the Samson of public joy and
cutting his hair to the quick; and he had an artistic color-sense
which enabled him so to blacken a public grief as to give it the
aspect of a national crime.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
LAUREL, n.  The _laurus_, a vegetable dedicated to Apollo, and
formerly defoliated to wreathe the brows of victors and such poets as
had influence at court.  (_Vide supra._)
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke."  But to me, that's what her
 dinner tasted like.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
L'autunno negli occhi, l'estate nel cuore.
La voglia di dare, l'istinto di avere.
E tu, tu lo chiami amore e non sai che cos'e.
E tu, tu lo chiami amore e non ti chiedi perche.
[The autumn in your eyes, the summer in your heart.
The will to give, the instinct to possess.
And you, you call it love, and don't know what it is.
And you, you call it love and don't ask yourself "why?".]
 -- Fabrizio De Andre
%%
La vache qui rit est jolie.  [Laughing cows are pretty].
%%
Lavatory: Volcano
 -- Ray Hand
%%
Lavish spending can be disastrous.
Don't buy any lavishes for a while.
%%
Law and Order?  No!  Awe and lauder!
%%
Law enforcement officers should use only the
minimum force necessary in dealing with disorders when they arise.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
Law expands in proportion to the resources available for its enforcement.
 -- Dalin B. Oaks
%%
LAWFUL, adj.  Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
La. where the chemicals meet the water.
%%
LA:
Where the only way to determine that the seasons have changed
 is to note that people have changed the main topic of conversation.
From mud slides to brush fires.
%%
LA: Winston your quite drunk!
WC: Madame your quite ugly. In the morning I will be sober where
as you will still be ugly!
 -- Sir Winston and Lady Astor
%%
Law is order, and good law is good order.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Law is seldom understood by those who make the law, those who enforce the
 law, and those who break the law. Other than these, things are fine.
%%
Law is the second oldest profession.
%%
Law may be defined as ethical control applied to communication.
%%
Law may not change the heart; it can restrain the heartless.
%%
Lawn Care: Ray King
%%
LAW, n.
    Once Law was sitting on the bench,
        And Mercy knelt a-weeping.
    "Clear out!" he cried, "disordered wench!
        Nor come before me creeping.
    Upon your knees if you appear,
    'Tis plain your have no standing here."

    Then Justice came.  His Honor cried:
        "_Your_ status? -- devil seize you!"
    "_Amica curiae,_" she replied --
        "Friend of the court, so please you."
    "Begone!" he shouted -- "there's the door --
    I never saw your face before!"
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lawrence Mac Donald. Ast.Manager of Maestro Music & Compositions
%%
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
%%
Laws are Certain... Justice is Not!
%%
Laws are for other people.
%%
Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.
%%
Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets
break through.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Laws are made for us; we are not made for the laws.
 -- William Milonoff, 1993 Vice-President of the Executive
 -- Committee, Free Democratic Party, Russia
%%
     Laws are only words words written on paper, words that change on
       society's whim and are interpreted differently daily by politicians,
      lawyers, judges, and policemen. Anyone who believes that all laws should
      always be obeyed would have made a fine slave catcher. Anyone who
      believes that all laws are applied equally, despite race, religion, or
      economic status, is a fool.
 -- John J. Miller, And Hope to Die
           (in _Jokertown Shuffle - Wild Cards IX_)
%%
Laws can discover sin, but not remove.
 -- Milton
%%
Laws do not persuade just because they threaten.
 -- Seneca, 65 AD
%%
Laws don't work, unless they merely codify generally accepted behavior,
 in which case they are probably unnecessary.
 -- tom@genie.slhs.udel.edu
%%
Laws on date rape create a climate of date hate.
%%
LAWS: poor substitutes for personal responsibility.
%%
Laws should not depend on a particular choice of notation.
 -- The Principle of Indifference
%%
Law stands mute in the midst of arms.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Laws were almost always made *by* men, but not *for* men.
%%
Laws were made to be broken.
 -- Christopher North
%%
Lawyer: a cat who settles disputes between mice.
%%
Lawyer: I prefer representing female; system clearly biased in her favor.
%%
LAWYER, n.  One skilled in circumvention of the law.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lawyer: only person in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.
%%
Lawyers: America's untapped export market.
%%
Lawyers and hookers -- both hired to get their clients off.
%%
Lawyers are extraterrestrials.
%%
Lawyers are like nuclear bombs and PC clones.  Nobody likes them,
but the other guy's got one, so I better get one too.
%%
Lawyers are one of the few groupings of folk for whom ignorance of the law
 goes relatively unpunished, but not unpaid.
%%
Lawyers can write a 100,000 word document and call it a brief.
%%
Lawyers collect on marital bonds!
%%
Lawyers do it in front of the Judge and Jury.
%%
Lawyers do it in their briefs.
%%
LAWYERS do it on a table
%%
Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
%%
Lawyers do it to everyone.
%%
Lawyers do it to you.
%%
LAWYERS do it, which is a great pity.
%%
Lawyers do it with clause.
%%
Lawyers do it with extensions in their briefs.
%%
Lawyers earn their living by the sweat of their browbeating.
 -- James Gibbons Hanecker
%%
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
 -- Charles Lamb
%%
LAWYERS lie about doing it and charge you for believing them.
%%
Lawyers of Suffering: Grin and Barrett
%%
LAWYER:
Someone who can get a sodomy charge changed to "following too closely."
%%
Lawyers sometimes tell the truth---they'll do anything to win a case.
%%
Lawyers: the best argument against gun control..
%%
Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
%%
Lawyers, the mothers of deception.
%%
Lawyers work in their briefs.
%%
LAWYERS would do it but for 'hung jury'
%%
Lax in their gaiters, laxer in their gait.
 -- James Smith (1775-1839)
 -- Rejected Addresses, The Theatre
%%
layback: what a climber looks forward to at the end of a day.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Lay down beside me, love ain't for keeping.
 -- Pete Townshend
%%
LAYETTE: Baby trousseau.
%%
Lay her i' the earth:
And from her fair and unpolluted flesh
May violets spring!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Lay off for a few weeks and then quit for good.
 -- Sam Snead to a pupil
%%
Lay on, Macduff,
And damn'd be him that first cries, "Hold, enough!"
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 8
%%
Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 20
%%
Laziness is no good unless it is well carried out.
%%
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get
 tired.
 -- Jules Renard
%%
Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten.
 -- Philip K. Saunders
%%
LAZINESS, n.  Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lazy Employees: Hans Doolittle
%%
LB: connect Line-voltage to BITNET
%%
LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
LCC: Load and Clear Core
%%
LCD: Launch Cartridge Disk
%%
LCD     Load and Clear Disk
%%
LCK: Lock Console Keyswitch
%%
LC: Lobotomize CPU
%%
:LDB: /l*'d*b/ [from the PDP-10 instruction set] vt. To extract
   from the middle.  "LDB me a slice of cake, please."  This usage
   has been kept alive by Common LISP's function of the same name.
   Considered silly.  See also {DPB}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LD: Lose Device
%%
Lead:  A heavy blue-grey mineral most useful in imparting a sense
     of responsibility to those who love not wisely but other
      men's wives.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Leaders do the right things; managers merely do things right.
%%
Leadership, at its highest, consists of getting people to work for you
when they are under no obligation to do so.
%%
Leadership has a harder job to do than just choose sides.  It must
bring sides together.
 -- Jesse Jackson
%%
Leadership involves finding a parade and getting in front of it;
what is happening in America is that those parades are getting
smaller and smaller--and there are many more of them.
 -- John Naisbitt, "Megatrends"
%%
Leadership is action, not position.
 -- Donald McGannon
%%
Leadership is getting someone else to do what you want him to do
 because he wants to do it.
 -- Dwight David Eisenhower
%%
Leadership should be born out of the understanding of the needs of
those who would be affected by it.
 -- Marian Anderson
%%
Leaders who aid others in growing are certain to experience growth in
themselves.
%%
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
%%
Lead me not into temptation - unless there's money involved.
 -- SLR
%%
LEAD, n.  A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to
light lovers -- particularly to those who love not wisely but other
men's wives.  Lead is also of great service as a counterpoise to an
argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong
way.  An interesting fact in the chemistry of international
controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is
precipitated in great quantities.

    Hail, holy Lead! -- of human feuds the great
        And universal arbiter; endowed
        With penetration to pierce any cloud
    Fogging the field of controversial hate,
    And with a sift, inevitable, straight,
        Searching precision find the unavowed
        But vital point.  Thy judgment, when allowed
    By the chirurgeon, settles the debate.
    O useful metal! -- were it not for thee
        We'd grapple one another's ears alway:
    But when we hear thee buzzing like a bee
        We, like old Muhlenberg, "care not to stay."
    And when the quick have run away like pellets
    Jack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lead on, MacDuff!
%%
Lead the audience by the nose to the thought.
 -- Laurence Olivier
%%
Lead the horses to water & pray they don't drown.
%%
Lead us in a few words of silent prayer.
 -- Bill Peterson, former Houston Oiler football coach
%%
:leaf site: n. A machine that merely originates and reads USENET
   news or mail, and does not relay any third-party traffic.  Often
   uttered in a critical tone; when the ratio of leaf sites to
   backbone, rib, and other relay sites gets too high, the network
   tends to develop bottlenecks.  Compare {backbone site}, {rib
   site}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
League of Bloodthirsty Women
%%
League of Bloodthirsty Women--Men's Auxilliary
%%
League of Pushy Women--Self-Appointed Chapter Head
%%
:leak: n. With qualifier, one of a class of resource-management bugs
   that occur when resources are not freed properly after operations
   on them are finished, so they effectively disappear (leak out).
   This leads to eventual exhaustion as new allocation requests come
   in.  {memory leak} and {fd leak} have their own entries; one
   might also refer, to, say, a `window handle leak' in a window
   system.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Leak proof seals-will.
%%
 Leakproof seals - will.
 Self starters   - will not.
 -- Murphy's Law No.  3
%%
Leak proof seals-will, self-starters-won't.
%%
:leaky heap: [Cambridge] n. An {arena} with a {memory leak}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Leaky sunroof.
%%
Lean too much on the approval of people, and it
 becomes a bed of thorns.
 -- Tehyi Hsieh
%%
Lean your body forward slightly to support the guitar against your chest,
 for the poetry of the music should resound in your heart.
 -- Andres Segovia
%%
Leape out of the frying pan into the fyre.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
:leapfrog attack: n. Use of userid and password information
   obtained illicitly from one host (e.g., downloading a file of
   account IDs and passwords, tapping TELNET, etc.) to compromise
   another host.  Also, the act of TELNETting through one or more
   hosts in order to confuse a trace (a standard cracker procedure).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Learn about the Force, Luke.
%%
Learn a foreign language... C
%%
Learn a little each day!
%%
Learn all you can from the mistakes of others.  You won't have time
to make them all yourself.
 -- Alfred Sheinwold
%%
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
%%
Learn a new mating position - Play chess.
%%
Learn a new word today.
%%
Learn C++ as a second language!
%%
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
%%
Learned more from a three minute bug fix than we ever did in school.
 -- Bruce Springsteen
%%
Learn how I made my 1st million.  Send $1 for Info.
%%
Learn how to spell. Play Hack.
%%
Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
%%
Learning builds daily accumulation, but the prictice of Tao builds daily
simplification.  Simplify and simplify, until all contamination from
relative, contridictory thinking is eliminated.  Then one does nothing,
yet nothing is left undone.  One who wins the world does so by not
meddling with it.  One who meddles with the world loses it.
 -- Lao-Tzu
 -- Tao te Ching
%%
LEARNING CURVE:
An astonishing new theory, discovered by management consultants
in the 1970's, asserting that the more you do something the
quicker you can do it.
%%
Learning disabilities are tragic in children,
but they are fatal in organizations.
 -- Peter Senge, from the Fifth Discipline:
Mastering the Five Practices ofthe Learning Organization
%%
Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and
everything else follows in the same way.
 -- Alan J. Perlis
%%
Learning hath gained most by those books by which the printers have lost.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
Learning is acquired by reading books; but the much more necessary
learning, the knowledge of the world, is only to be acquired by reading
man, and studying all the various editions of them.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Learning is a wondrous thing!
%%
Learning is discovering that something is possible.
 -- Fritz Perls, psychologist
%%
Learning is ever in the freshness of its youth, even for the old.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Agamemnon, 584
%%
Learning is finding out what you already know
 -- Richard Bach
%%
Learning is like rowing upstream, when not to advance is to drop back.
%%
Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival.
 -- W. Edwards Deming
%%
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
 -- Perelman
%%
Learning makes people fit company for themselves.
%%
Learning maketh young men temperate, is the comfort of old age, standing
for wealth with poverty, and serving as an ornament to riches.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
LEARNING, n.  The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense
  and aggravation later in life.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
Learning Unix via man | pg
%%
Learning will be cast into the mire and trodden down under the hoofs
of a swinish multitude.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 335
%%
Learning without thought is labor lost;
thought without learning is perilous.
 -- Confucius
%%
Learn. Keep Moving. Better yourself.
%%
Learn not only to find what you like, learn to like what you find.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Learn of the little nautilus to sail,
Spread the thin oar, and catch the driving gale.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iii, Line 177
%%
Learn of the skillful: he that teaches himself hath a fool for a master.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
Learn or die.
%%
Learn patience  -  ray trace on an XT.
%%
Learn something NEW today!
%%
Learn that sharks aren't just there to be eaten.  Some of them are
getting the hang of this newfangled role-reversal stuff.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Learn the basics of Clintonomics.  Call 1-900-SUK-U-DRY
%%
Learn the basics of feminizm.  Call 1-900-BEN-DOVER
%%
Learn the delicious kiss of the lash.
%%
Learn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Learn to be wary of Japanese and Norwegians carrying spears.
Anything that's warm-blooded and swims is fair game to them.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Learn to fly. Skydive.
%%
Learn to hold thy tongue.  Five words cost Zacharias forty weeks' silence.
 -- Fuller
%%
Learn to obey before you command.
 -- Solon
%%
Learn to pause--or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
%%
Learn to read slow: all other graces
Will follow in their proper places.
 -- William Walker (1623-1684)
 -- The Art of Reading
%%
Learn to reason forward and backward on both sides of a question.
 -- Thomas Blandi
%%
Learn to see in another's calamity the ills which you should avoid.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 120
%%
Learn to splel, danmit!
%%
Learn to type and take some kind of shorthand notes. Read everything to do
 with history, biography, English, art, music. Absorb culture. Study human
 nature. Develop and maintain your sense of humor and irony. And don't be
 too ridiculous because your name over the column isn't really so important.
 -- Liz Smith
%%
Learn to write. Never mind the damn statistics. If you like statistics
 become a CPA.
 -- Jim Murray (to young sportswriters)
%%
Learn what not to do from the experience of others. It's cheaper
than your own.
 -- J. Winter Smith
%%
Learn what we should learn; do what we should do; be what we should be.
 -- Thomas S. Monson
%%
Learn young about hard work and manners--and you'll be through the whole
 dirty mess and nicely dead again before you know it.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
LEASE OF LIFE
Need to get a life? Why not lease one? A range of lives are available on a
cheap danger-free lease plan. Come down to our showroom and have a look at
the new Winter '91 range of lives. Everything from the super-intelligent
life of a Professor of Dead Horse Studies at Oxford University right down
to the lowest of life-forms, movie critic, sports commentator, Stallon
clone, or world leader.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Least popular new car option #6:  Hydraulic roadkill scoop
%%
        Least said is soonest disavowed.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
 Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone.
 I am an electrical engineer.  I can do that.
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
Leave bigotry in your quarters; there's no room for it on the bridge.
 -- Kirk, "Balance of Terror," stardate 1709.2.
%%
Leave her to heaven
And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge,
To prick and sting her.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Leave it alone, Bob. It's dangerous---
%%
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
 -- Bill Watterson
 -- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I'd wanted to talk to a vegetable,
  I'd have bought one at the market.
 -- Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
Leave me alone, I'm having a crisis.
 -- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
Leave me alone. I'm tired.
%%
Leave me alone. I'm watching the hockey game!
%%
Leave me a torch -- I like to see what I'm scared of....
 -- Vila
%%
Leave me drunk! I'm alone!!!
%%
Leave no stone unturned.
 -- Euripides (431 BC)
%%
Leave no turn unstoned.
%%
Leave of Absence (for an Operation):
       We are no longer allowing this practice.  We wish to discourage
any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you
should not consider having anything removed.  We hired you as you are,
and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we
bargained for.
 -- Work Rule
%%
      Leaves have their time to fall,
And flowers to wither at the north-wind's breath,
      And stars to set; but all,
Thou hast all seasons for thine own, O Death!
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- The Hour of Death
%%
Leave undone whatever you hesitate to do.
 -- Yoshida Kanko
%%
Leave your friends as stuffed as the mushrooms.
%%
Leaving already, Doctor? Not staying for your pentadigestory
  interludicules?
 -- Edmund to Dr. Johnson : Ink and Incapability
%%
"Leaving a trail of slime wherev-"
       >CLICK!<
 -- "Bloom County"
%%
leaving is much more difficult than entering.
 -- First Law of Hacking
%%
LEB: Link Edit Backwards
%%
LECTURER, n.  One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear
and his faith in your patience.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lecture - the process by which a tutor's notes are passed to a student without
necessarily passing through the mind of either.
%%
Leda loves swans.
%%
Led by my hand, he saunter'd Europe round,
And gather'd every vice on Christian ground.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 311
%%
Led by the light of the Maeonian star.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part iii, Line 89
%%
Lee Press-On Tagline
%%
Leetch: An escapee from The Cheshire Correctional Institution.
%%
Leetch: Hated by Rangers bashers, and by message posters!
%%
Lefler: "Your neutrinos are drifting."
 -- "The Game", Stardate unknown
%%
Left Handed Screwdrivers.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
LEFT HANDERS do it right
%%
Left hand threaded.
%%
Left his booster on the launch pad.
%%
Lefties are better lovers
%%
Leftie's Whole Hog Sausage with 100 percent pure pork.
%%
Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.
%%
Left lane must turn right.
%%
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
 -- Murphy's Twenty-Third Law
%%
Left that command
Sole daughter of his voice.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 652
%%
Left the house and forgot to turn the answering machine on
%%
Left the store without all of his groceries.
%%
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  5
%%
Le Future, C'est C!
%%
LEGACY, n.  A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of
tears.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:legal: adj. Loosely used to mean `in accordance with all the
   relevant rules', esp. in connection with some set of constraints
   defined by software.  "The older =+ alternate for += is no longer
   legal syntax in ANSI C."  "This parser processes each line of
   legal input the moment it sees the trailing linefeed."  Hackers
   often model their work as a sort of game played with the
   environment in which the objective is to maneuver through the
   thicket of `natural laws' to achieve a desired objective.  Their
   use of `legal' is flavored as much by this game-playing sense as by
   the more conventional one having to do with courts and lawyers.
   Compare {language lawyer}, {legalese}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:legalese: n. Dense, pedantic verbiage in a language description,
   product specification, or interface standard; text that seems
   designed to obfuscate and requires a {language lawyer} to
   {parse} it.  Though hackers are not afraid of high information
   density and complexity in language (indeed, they rather enjoy
   both), they share a deep and abiding loathing for legalese; they
   associate it with deception, {suit}s, and situations in which
   hackers generally get the short end of the stick.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Legalize freedom.
%%
Legalize free-enterprise murder: why should governments have all the fun?
%%
Legalize necrophilia!!
%%
Legalize prostitution -- keep politicians off the streets!
%%
Legalize telepathy.
    - I knew you were going to say that.
%%
Legalize vandalism!!
%%
Legal Marijuana needs true glaucoma patients.
%%
Legend --- a lie that has attained the dignity of age.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Legislated Nostalgia:
 To force a body of people to have memories they do not
actually possess: "How can I be a part of the 1960s generation when I
don't even remember any of it?"
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Legislation doesn't cure society's ills.
%%
Legislation is a series of catastrophes that results in a policy.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Legislation proposed in the Illinois State Legislature, May, 1907:
Speed upon county roads will be limited to ten miles an hour
unless the motorist sees a bailiff who does not appear to have had a
drink in 30 days, when the driver will be permitted to make what he
can.
%%
Legitimate programming technique used.
 -- WinError #7
%%
Legless Mom `walks' 20 miles to aid tot.
%%
Leg O'SAM.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Leia  "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie."
Solo  "I can arrange that!"
 -- Star Wars
%%
Leisure is the mother of philosophy.
 -- Thomas Hobbes
%%
Leisure is the time to make yourself into a full man.
 -- Charles McCabe
%%
Leisure time is that five or six hours when you sleep at night.
 -- George Allen
%%
Lemme show you how to put on a tie: the hook goes over the top, and these
    things go in there.
 -- Homer Simpson
%%
Lemmings! All of you!
%%
Lemmings don't grow older, they just die.
 -- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
Lemon curry ??
%%
Lench Mob, running from devil...
%%
Lend, lend your wings! I mount! I fly!
O grave! where is thy victory?
O death! where is thy sting?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dying Christian to his Soul
%%
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
%%
Lends grace to the beard on his chin.
%%
Lend thy serious hearing to what I shall unfold.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Lend your books and lose your friends.
%%
Lengthening jail times will solve crime.
 -- Conservative idea #2
%%
Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs iii, 16
%%
Lenin once observed that gold should adorn the floors of latrines.
%%
Lenin probably wouldn't understand.   But then, no one around he seems to care
 what he would think.
 -- Lynn Ashby's report on Romania
%%
le: no memory for receive buffers
%%
Leo Byzantius said, "What would you do, if you saw my wife, who scarce
reaches up to my knees?... Yet," went he on, "as little as we are,
when we fall out with each other, the city of Byzantium is not big
enough to hold us."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Political Precepts
%%
Leo, he who hesitates is poor.
 -- Zero Mostel
 (in The Producers, screenplay by Mel Brooks)
%%
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you
are pushy.  Most Leo people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike honest
criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people are thieves. Your
determination and sense of humor will come to the fore. Your ability to laugh
at adversity will be a blessing because you've got a day coming you wouldn't
believe.  As a matter of fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today,
you've got a sick sense of humor.
%%
LEO    July 23 - August 22
You are a very proud and trusting person.  Others are constantly
taking advantage of you.  You do not realize what is happening to you
because basically you are very stupid.  You are the laughing stock of
any group.
%%
Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you..
 I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE..
 I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Leonard Box was arrested yesterday. Somebody told him his wife was as
 pretty as a picture, so he hung her on the wall.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
Leonard Nimoy for President in 1992!  The Only Logical Candidate!
%%
Leonard Nimoy hosts:
"In Search of Al Gore's Brain"
%%
Leonard Nimoy hosts:
"In Search of Al Gore's Credibility"
%%
Leonard Nimoy hosts:
"In Search of Al Gore's Honesty"
%%
Leonard Nimoy hosts:
"In Search of Al Gore's Sense of Humor"
%%
Leonard Nimoy hosts:
"In Search of Bill Clinton's Credibility"
%%
Leonard Nimoy hosts:
"In Search of Bill Clinton's Honesty"
%%
LEONINE, adj.  Unlike a menagerie lion.  Leonine verses are those in
which a word in the middle of a line rhymes with a word at the end, as
in this famous passage from Bella Peeler Silcox:

    The electric light invades the dunnest deep of Hades.
    Cries Pluto, 'twixt his snores:  "O tempora! O mores!"

    It should be explained that Mrs. Silcox does not undertake to
teach pronunciation of the Greek and Latin tongues.  Leonine verses
are so called in honor of a poet named Leo, whom prosodists appear to
find a pleasure in believing to have been the first to discover that a
rhyming couplet could be run into a single line.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Leprechauns are the most skilled cutpurses in this dungeon.
%%
Leprechauns hide in Twinkies.
%%
Leprechauns hide their gold in a secret room.
%%
:LER: /L-E-R/ [TMRC, from `Light-Emitting Diode'] n. A
   light-emitting resistor (that is, one in the process of burning
   up).  Ohm's law was broken.  See also {SED}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lern two spel.
%%
LE ROI EST MORT. JIVE LE ROI - The King is dead.  No kidding.
%%
:LERP: /lerp/ vi.,n. Quasi-acronym for Linear Interpolation, used as a
   verb or noun for the operation. "Bresenham's algorithm lerps
   incrementally between the two endpoints of the line."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Rights *ARE* Family Values!
%%
Lesbianism: Sh*t can happen lickity slit.
%%
Les Canadiens sont la!
%%
Leslie Neilson for Police Commissioner
%%
[Leslie Stahl was] a pussy compared to Rather.
 -- George Bush
%%
Les Nesman: Born to be mild... heck on wheels!
%%
Less disappointing than life, great works of art do not begin by giving us
all their best.
 -- Marcel Proust, Within a Budding Grove
%%
Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal.
 -- Igor Stravinsky
%%
Less filling!
%%
Less is more.
%%
Less is more.
 -- Mies Van Der Rohe
%%
Less is more.
 -- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto"
%%
Less is only more where more is no good.
%%
Lessness:
     A philosophy whereby one reconciles oneself with diminishing
expectations of material wealth: "I've given up wanting to make a
killing or be a bigshot. I just want to find happiness and maybe open
a little roadside cafe in Idaho."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Lesson #1 in becoming more human. You must observe all human customs.
 -- Lore to Data, "Datalore", stardate 41242.4
%%
Less substance, more ambience.
 -- Picard, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
Less talk. . . more synthehol.
 -- Worf
%%
Less than 100 posts to go!
%%
Less than one ounce of anti-matter here is more powerful than
ten thousand cobalt bombs.
Let's hope it's as powerful as man will ever get.
 -- Ensign Garrovick and Kirk, "Obsession," stardate 3620.7
%%
Lestat, you are the -damndest- creature!
%%
[Lester Maddox talking to Prime Minister Botha of South Africa]
"Lemme show ya the odds, Sparky... In yer country,
ya got 14 million black people, and 3 million white people.
Now, does the name `Custer' mean anything to you?"
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Lest men suspect your tale untrue,
Keep probability in view.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Painter who pleased Nobody and Everybody
%%
Les Tres Acadiennes du Stooge: LeRoux, Meaux et Coeurlez
%%
Lest the bargain should catch cold and starve.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Let a baby's hair and fingernails grow until their 1st birthday.
%%
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product
that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 914
%%
Let a gardener trim your bush today.
%%
Let all fetuses live.
%%
Let all things be done decently and in order.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xiv, 40
%%
Let a man proclaim a new principle. Public sentiment will surely
be on the other side.
 -- Thomas B. Reed
%%
Let anarchy reign.... MESSAGE VOID WHERE PROHIBITED!
%%
Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger,
and not thine own lips.
 -- Proverbs XXVII, 2
%%
Let art alone. She's got enough guys sleeping with her.
%%
Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians
outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them
with stones, sticks, knives, pistols, or bombs without incurring any
penalties.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Let a smile be your umbrella, but take along a raincoat just in case.
%%
L'ETAT, C'EST MOE - All the world's a stooge.
%%
L'ETAT, C'EST MOO - I'm bossy around here.
%%
Let Baghwans be Baghwans.
%%
Let but thy wicked men from out thee go,
And all the fools that crowd thee so,
Even thou, who dost thy millions boast,
A village less than Islington wilt grow,
A solitude almost.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Of Solitude, vii
%%
Let cavillers deny that brutes have reason; sure tis something more, 'tis
heaven directs, and stratagems inspires beyond the short extent of human
thought.
 -- Somerville
%%
Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and
communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in
woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star,
and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as
life.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Let dogs delight to bark and bite,
  For God hath made them so;
Let bears and lions growl and fight,
  For 't is their nature too.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song xvi
%%
Let each man exercise the art he knows.
 -- Aristophanes
%%
Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xiv, 5
%%
Let every man be master of his time
Till seven at night.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Let every man be occupied, and occupied in the highest employment
of which his nature is capable, and die with the consciousness that
he has done his best.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 130
%%
Let every man look before he leaps.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xiv
%%
Let every man mind his own business.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
Let every man teach his son, teach his daughter, that labor is honorable.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall
pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend,
oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will
be clean.
 -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Lethargy in motion.
%%
Let Hercules himself do what he may,
The cat will mew and dog will have his day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it!
%%
Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
%%
Let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Solemnization of Matrimony
%%
Let him, oraculous, the end, the way,
The turns of all thy future fate display.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book x, Line 642
%%
Let him that moved you hither remove you hence.
%%
Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians x, 12
%%
Let him that would move the world, first move himself.
 -- Socrates (B.C. 469-399)
%%
Let him turn and twist slowly in the wind.
 -- John Ehrlichman
%%
Let him who expects one class of society to prosper in the highest
degree, while the other is in distress, try whether one side of the face
can smile while the other is pinched.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
%%
Let him who plays the monarch be a king;
Who plays the rogue, be perfect in his part.
 -- Erskine
%%
Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.
 -- Roger Babson
%%
Let honesty be as the breath of thy soul, and never forget to have
a penny, when all thy expenses are enumerated and paid; then shall
thou reach the point of happiness, and independence shall be thy
shield and buckler, thy helmet and crown; then thy soul walk upright,
nor stoop to the silken wretch because he hath riches, nor pocket
an abuse, because the hand which offers it wears a ring set with
diamonds.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Let ignorance talk as it will, learning has its value.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Use of Knowledge, Book viii, Fable 19
%%
Let it be borne on the flag under which we rally in every exigency, that
we have one country, one constitution, one destiny.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech, March 15, 1837, p. 349
%%
Let it be tenable in your silence still.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Let it please thee to keep in order a moderate-sized farm, that so
thy garners may be full of fruits in their season.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 304
%%
Let it serve for table-talk.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
Let Jesus be your anchor!
 So when Satan rocks your boat, throw Jesus overboard!
%%
Let justice be done, though the heavens fall!
 -- Earl of Mansfield
%%
Let knowledge grow from more to more.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, Prologue, Line 25
%%
let length(Long_Walk) < length(Short_Pier)
%%
Let LimBORG do it.  He knows everything.
%%
Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
number.   You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash
and another number.
 -- James Estes
%%
Let me call to your attention the fact that those who most often and most
 loudly extol the virtue in hard work are also the folks least likely to
 have callouses.
%%
Let me control a planet's oxygen supply, and I don't care who makes the laws.
 -- Great Cthuhlu's Starry Wisdom Band (via Roger Leroux)
%%
Let me die the death of the righteous, and let my last end be like his!
 -- Old Testament
 -- Numbers xxiii, 10
%%
Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Let me get this straight: The less I hit the ball, the better I am doing
 ... Then why do it at all?
 -- Johnny Hart ("BC")
%%
Let me get this straight: The networks won't give gavel-to-gavel coverage
 of political conventions because they're too dull, but fight for the
 privilege of broadcasting all laps of the Indianapolis 500?
 -- Roger Simon
%%
Let me give you a tourist tip. If you want to go to New York, bring your
 camera there, because you'll see things you'll never see again. The first
 thing you'll never see again is your camera.
 -- Mike Reynolds
%%
Let me go home and start over....
%%
Let me guess, Ed.  Pentecostal, right?
Nope.  Charismatic (I think - I've given up on what all those pesky labels
 mean).
%%
Let me guess, Ed.   Pentecostal, right?
 -- Starcap'n Ra, ra@asuvax.asu.edu

Nope.    Charismatic (I think - I've given up on what all those pesky labels
 mean).
 -- Ed Carp, erc@unisec.usi.com

Same difference - all zeal and feel, averaging less than one working brain
 cell per congregation. Starcap'n Ra, you pegged him.    Good work!
 -- Kenn Barry, barry@eos.UUCP
%%
Let me have it, Bob. It's not wise to upset a woman.
%%
Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men, and such as sleep o' nights:
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look;
He thinks too much: such men are dangerous.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Let me hear your belelaikas ringing out...
%%
Let me help.  A hundred years or so from now, I believe, a famous
  novelist will write a classic using that theme.  He'll recommend those
  three words even over "I love you."
 -- Kirk, "The City on the Edge of Forever," stardate unknown.
%%
Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how,
what a challenge it is, because in 1988 the question is
whether we're going forward to tomorrow or whether we're
going to go past to the -- to the back!
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Let me know if you don't get this so I can send it again..
%%
Let me know right away if you don't get this message.
%%
Let me know when something normal happens.
%%
Let me know when two finally equals three.
%%
Let me leap out of the frying-pan into the fire;
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. iv
%%
Let me level with you. If the outflow of your outgo exceeds the income of
 your input, than your upkeep will be your downfall unless you have some
 other angle to work.
%%
Let me make sure I'm crystal clear on this issue. Heavy metal fans are buying
heavy metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and
then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem?
 -- Denis Leary
%%
Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes
its laws or its songs either.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
"Let me not live," saith Aretine's Antonia, "if I had not rather hear
thy discourse than see a play."
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 1, Memb. 1, Subsect. 1
%%
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments: love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet cxvi
%%
Let me outta here. TRON is catching up to me.
%%
Let me pat your fuzzy little head...
%%
Let me play with it first and I'll tell you what it is later.
 -- Miles Davis
%%
Let me put it another way, Bob. You _are_ a girl. And you're a girl
  with about as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses
  trying to get into a polar bears-only golf club.
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
Let me say it one more time.  It is ill-rel-e-vant.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle testily responding to repeated questions
about his parents' involvement in the John Birch Society.
 -- reported in the Washington Post, 10/10/88
Because. Because I say it isn't.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why questions
 -- about his parents' ties to the John Birch Society aren't relevant,
 -- 10/9/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Let me say this:
bein' a idiot is no box of chocolates.
 -- Forrest Gump
%%
Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a
 beard which hides his face, has no discernible source of income, and flies
 to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy
 isn't laundering illegal drug money?
 -- Tom Armstrong ("Marvin")
%%
Let me see what happen when you roll your face on the keyboard.
%%
Let me see what I can come up with for you:
%%
Let me show you the ropes..and the whips and the chains and the handcuffs...
%%
Let me state that programming is not the science of coding but the art of
finding solutions of non-formalized problems and expressing these solutions in
explicit and clear way.
 -- Vadim Antonov (avg@hq.demos.su)
%%
Let me take you a button-hole lower.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Let me taste your honey ...Honey
%%
Let me tell you something. As we were walking around in the store,
Marilyn and I were just really impressed by all the novelties and the
different types of little things that you could get for Christmas. And
all the people that would help you, they were dressed up in things
that said 'I believe in Santa Claus.' And the only thing that I could
think is that I believe in George Bush.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a garden center and
     produce store in Baltimore (from the Los Angeles Times,
     Douglas Jehl, November 6, 1988)
%%
Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies
solely in my tenacity.
 -- Louis Pasteur
%%
... Let me tell you who the actual front-runners are.    On one side,
you have George Bush, who is currently going through a sort of
fraternity hazing wherein he has to perform a series of humiliating
stunts to win the approval of the Republican Right.  For example, they
had him make a speech oozing praise all over William Loeb, deceased
publisher of the Manchester (N.H.) Union Leader and Slime Journalist.
Loeb had dumped viciously all over George in the 1980 New Hampshire
primary.  But when the Right held a big tribute for Loeb, George came
back to the fold, like a man with a bungee cord wrapped around his
neck.
 -- Dave Barry, The Twinkie and the Squid
%%
Let me think...I wonder if an anvil will drop like an apple?
 -- Tradition tells us these are the last words of sir Isaac Newton
%%
Let my people go! Land of Goshen......
%%
Let no act be done at haphazard, nor otherwise than according to the
finished rules that govern its kind.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 2
%%
Let no guilty man escape, if it can be avoided. No personal considerations
should stand in the way of performing a duty.
 -- Ulysses S. Grant (1822-1885)
 -- Indorsement of a Letter relating to the Whiskey Ring, July 29, 1875
%%
Let no man call you wise, you might make a liar of him.
%%
Let no man presume to give advice to others that has not first given
good counsel to himself.
 -- Seneca
%%
Let no man value at a little price
A virtuous woman's counsel; her wing'd spirit
Is feather'd oftentimes with heavenly words.
and, like her beauty, ravishing and pure.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- The Gentleman Usher, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Let none admire
That riches grow in hell: that soil may best
Deserve the precious bane.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 690
%%
Let none think to fly the danger. For soon or late love is his own avenger.
 -- Byron
%%
 Let no one be willing to speak ill of the absent.
 --         Sextus Propertius  54 BC-AD 2
 --        Elegies, II, xix, 32
%%
Let no one mistake it for comedy, farcical though it may be in all its
 details.  It serves notice on the country that Neanderthal man is
 organizing in these forlorn backwaters of the land, led by a fanatic,
 rid of sense and devoid of conscience.  Tennessee, challenging him too
 timorously and too late, now sees its courts converted into camp meetings
 and its bill of rights made a mock of by its sworn officers of the law.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), about the Scopes Monkey Trial
%%
Let not another's disobedience to Nature become an ill to you; for
you were not born to be depressed and unhappy with others, but to
be happy with them. And if any is unhappy, remember that he is so
for himself; for God made all men to enjoy felicity and peace.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- That we ought not to be affected by Things not in our own Power,
 -- Discourses, Book iii, Chap. xxiv
%%
Let not him that girdeth on his harness boast himself as he that putteth
it off.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings xx, 11
%%
Let not the heavens hear these tell-tale women
Rail on the Lord's anointed.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
 -- National Lampoon, _Deteriorata_
%%
Let not things, because they are common, enjoy for that the less share
of our consideration.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xix, Sect. 59
%%
Let not thy mind run on what thou lackest as much as on what thou hast already.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vii, 27
%%
Let not women's weapons, water-drops,
Stain my man's cheeks!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Let not your heart be troubled.
 -- New Testament
 -- John xiv, 1
%%
Let others hail the rising sun:
I bow to that whose course is run.
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- On the Death of Mr. Pelham
%%
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.
 -- Ovid (43 B.C. - 17 A.D.)
%%
Let our object be our country, our whole country, and nothing but our country.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Address on laying the Corner-Stone of the Bunker Hill Monument, 1825, p. 78
%%
Let overwhelming ambition be your coach.
%%
Let pride go afore, shame will follow after.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Eastward Ho, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Let Rosanne Barr be your valentine this year. If you are going to shell out
 $ 30 for fine chocolate, you want to give it to someone who will eat the
 stuff...in one sitting.
%%
Let's all face the facts. This world in which many if not most of us live
 will never be a better place until such time as it is occupied by a better
 class of tenents.
%%
Let's all get together and sing pumpkin carols.
%%
Let's all get together and throw flingbobs.
%%
Let's all raise a toast to the ghost we love the most.
%%
Let's all show human CONCERN for REVEREND MOON's legal difficulties!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Let's ALL take the TIME 2 listen 2 D FERRETS
%%
Let's all take the TIME to really LISTEN 2 r KIDS
%%
Let's assume the semester's over, so dying is a bad thing.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
Let's bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
Let's collect money to give Barney a one way ticket to Jurassic Park!
%%
Let 's do it after the high Roman fashion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 15
%%
"Let's do it Now!" by Igor Beaver
%%
Let's do it write, uh, rite, uh, oh hell, just do it!
%%
Let's do lunch, have your god call my god...
%%
Let's do some crimes.
%%
Let's do some damage, shall we?
%%
Let's face it: this time you're not going to win.
%%
Let's fight, so we can kiss and make up.
%%
Let's fight three wars, not that Bill doesn't have to go.
%%
Let's flush this toilet.
 -- Noah
%%
Let's get... *Dangerous* (Darkwing, Duck!)
%%
Let's get drunk and be somebody.
%%
Let's get drunk and be somebody else.
%%
Let's Get Mystical.
%%
Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
Let's Get Out of the Wheat Field, Honey, We're Going Against the Grain.
 -- Red Skelton
%%
Let's get REAL man.
%%
Let's get some beer and dynamite and go fishing.
%%
Let's get some chaos into this confusion.
%%
Let's get together on this - I'm assuming you are as confused as I am
 -- Glossary of important business terms
%%
Let's get yer rocks and metals straightened out here...
%%
Let's give discredit where discredit is due.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Let's give `em somethin' to talk about, baby.
%%
Let's go ...and remember, we're not from here!
%%
Let's go back to the '40s era when everybody was our gallant ally--except
 the people who are now our friends.
 -- Kenneth Horne
%%
Let's go crazy.
%%
Let's go get a pizza!
%%
Let 's go hand in hand, not one before another.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Comedy of Errors
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Let's go hunting baby!
%%
Let's go!  If I'm not back at The Home by nine, they declare me
legally dead and collect my insurance!
 -- The Simpsons
%%
Let's Go Mets!
%%
Let's go to Bermuda.
%%
Let's go to Stuart's house and check him into the boards. huh huh huh
%%
Lets have accurassy.
%%
Let's have a little fun, let's do a pun.
%%
Let's have a Matriculation Orgy!
%%
Let's have a war.
%%
Let's hear him reply back to that!
%%
Let's hope God grades on a curve.
%%
Let's hope Pee-Wee' can beat it and get off.
%%
Let's hope that football will be the winner at the end of the day.
%%
Let's hope they find you as tasty as they did their last associates.
 -- Riker to Groppler Zorn about the Ferengi, "Encounter at Farpoint",
       stardate 41153.7
%%
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
%%
Let's just say I was testing the bounds of society.  I was just curious.
 -- Jim Morrison
%%
Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted.  In every
relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive.  If you
really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the
end.  For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the
qualities I most admired in myself I gave up.  I stopped being loud and
bossy ...  Oh, all right.  I was still loud and bossy, but only behind
his back.
 -- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
%%
Let's just stay home tonight.
%%
Let's keep this adult now, ok Mr. Poopy-pants?
%%
Let's kill the taglines !!
%%
Let's leave religion to the televangelists. After all,
they're the professionals.
%%
Let sleeping bags lie.
%%
Let sleeping dogma lie.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Let sleeping dogs lie.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
LET'S MAKE A DEAL!
%%
Let's make like sheep and get the flock outta here!
%%
Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance.  It's the thing that makes
 America great.  If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we
 have tolerated the last eight years?
 -- Frank Zappa, Feb 1, 1989
%%
Let's not bicker and argue about 'oo killed 'oo!
%%
Let's not complicate our relationship by trying to communicate with each other.
%%
Let's not drag any more dead herrings across the garden path.
%%
Let's not worry about that now.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Let's oink awhile!
 -- Brian Wilson, singing Ruby Baby.
%%
Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
%%
Let's practice. Edmund comes in and says, 'Hello Baldrick...you haven't
  seen Percy, have you?', to which you reply...
Er...'No, my lord, I haven't seen him all day'.
Perfect. (front door opens) Oh my God, here he comes! (closes box lid)
(Edmund enters) Oh hello Ballders...Where the hell's that prat Percy?
  You haven't seen him, have you?
(Baldrick deliberates for a while)...............Yes, my lord.
  He's hiding in the box.
 -- Percy, Baldrick and Edmund : Potato
%%
Let's put Clinton on Mt. Rushmore; he's already stoned!
%%
Let's put the blame where it belongs: On somebody else.
%%
Let's rent a car and drive around with a roadmap opened.
%%
Let's roll up our elbows and get to work.
%%
Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick
your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as
Mental Anguish.  You would sue:

* The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions
  section that says you should never never never ever stick you hand
  into the toaster, the statement Not even if your wedding ring falls
   in there.

* The store where you bought the toaster, for selling it to an obvious
   cretin like yourself.

* Union Carbide Corporation, which is not directly responsible in this
  case, but which is feeling so guilty that it would probably send you
  a large cash settlement anyway.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Let's see here...[CTRL][ALT][DEL]...Oh no! Oops
%%
Let's see Purple Hearts for Peace!
%%
Let's see that again!  DEATHCAM!
%%
Let's see, this plug in goes to ... NO CARRIER. ...
%%
Let's see, what's the command? Alt-H? NO CARRIER Ah Shi.
%%
Let's see you prove these allegations about Rush Limbaugh, Bob!
%%
Let's see your tagline hunting permit, sir.
%%
Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!
 -- The Ghostbusters
%%
Let's spend the night together!
%%
Let's spin the big wheel and see what year we land on today, Dave.
%%
Let's split up, we can do more damage that way
%%
Let's Start A Baseball Fan Strike.
%%
Lets stop bad mouthing our mail system.  We all depend on the post
office to provide excuses for us.
 -- Jeff McNelly
%%
Let's take back The United States and give it to the People again.
%%
Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Let's talk about him in front of his back!
%%
Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return.  Here's an often
overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of
dollars:  For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your
tax return around under your armpit.  No IRS agent is going to want to
spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document.  So even if you owe
money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will
probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit.  What does he care?
It's not his money.
 -- Dave Barry, Sweating Out Taxes
%%
Let 's talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Let's talk sense to the American people.  Let's tell them the truth,
that there are no gains without pains.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
Let still the woman take
An elder than herself: so wears she to him,
So sways she level in her husband's heart:
For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,
Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,
More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,
Than women's are.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
LETS WIN THE WAR ON CRIME ARM VICTIMS AND PUNISH CRIMINALS!!!
%%
Let's win this one and go home.
 -- Famous Last Words
 -- Custer
%%
Let's you and him fight.
%%
Lette me stande to the maine chance.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), page 104
%%
:letterbomb: 1. n. A piece of {email} containing {live data}
   intended to do nefarious things to the recipient's machine or
   terminal.  It is possible, for example, to send letterbombs that
   will lock up some specific kinds of terminals when they are viewed,
   so thoroughly that the user must cycle power (see {cycle}, sense
   3) to unwedge them.  Under UNIX, a letterbomb can also try to get
   part of its contents interpreted as a shell command to the mailer.
   The results of this could range from silly to tragic.  See also
   {Trojan horse}; compare {nastygram}.  2. Loosely, a
   {mailbomb}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
(letter from Mark to Mike, about the film's probale certificate)
      I would like to get back to the Censor and agree to lose the shits, take
      the odd Jesus Christ out and lose Oh fuck off, but to retain 'fart in
      your general direction', 'castanets of your testicles' and 'oral sex'
      and ask him for an 'A' rating on that basis.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)

Dear Sir,

I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or
to the office.  We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in
public places.  They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result
in the farmers being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn
will cause massive unemployment in the already severely depressed
agricultural industry.

Yours faithfully,
 -- Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J. P. Sevenoaks
%%
Letters which are warmly sealed are often but coldly opened.
 -- Richter
%%
Letter to a friend from a man in a reducing clinic:
"Help! Send me a file with a cake in it."
%%
Let the air strike our tune,
Whilst we show reverence to yond peeping moon.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Witch, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Let the caveman who does not choose to accept the axiom of identity,
try to present his theory without using the concept of identity or
any concept derived from it -- let the anthropoid who does not choose
to accept the existence of nouns, try to devise a language without
nouns, adjectives, or verbs -- let the witch doctor who does not
choose to accept the validity of sensory perception, try to prove
it without using the data he obtained by sensory perception -- let
the head-hunter who does not choose to accept the validity of logic,
try to prove it without logic -- let the pygmy who proclaims that a
skyscraper needs no foundation after it reaches its fiftieth story,
yank the base from under his building, not yours -- let the cannibal
who snarls that the freedom of man's mind was needed to create an
industrial civilization, but is not needed to maintain it, be given
an arrowhead and a bearskin, not a university chair of economics.
 -- John Galt
%%
Let the child's first lesson be obedience, and the second be what thou
will.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Let the doors of Pain be opened!
%%
Let the end try the man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Let the evil minds of the world beware!   Ever and always shall
 the Avengers prevail!
 -- Thor
%%
Let the galled jade wince, our withers are unwrung.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Let the good times roll.
%%
Let the greatest part of the news thou hearest be the least part of what
thou believest, lest the greater part of what thou believest be the
least part of what is true.
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
%%
Let the great world spin forever down the ringing grooves of change.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 182
%%
Let the machine do the dirty work.
 -- Kernighan and Ritchie, "Elements of Programming Style"
%%
Let them eat cache.
%%
Let them eat Twinkies!
%%
Let the meek inherit the earth -- they have it coming to them.
 -- James Thurber (1894-1961)
%%
Let them live their own poisoned little lives...
%%
Let them obey that know not how to rule.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Let the PC mind police arrest me. I keep having sexist thoughts.
%%
Let the programmers be many and the managers be few then all will be
productive.
 -- Tao of Programming
%%
Let there be CLOVE (of Garlic) in your LIFE.
%%
Let there be gall enough in thy ink; though thou write with a goose-pen,
no matter.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between thee and me.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xiii, 8
%%
Let there be spaces in your togetherness.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
Let these describe the undescribable.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 53
%%
Let the singing singers
With vocal voices, most vociferous,
In sweet vociferation out-vociferize
Even sound itself.
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- Chrononhotonthologos, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Let the soldier be abroad if he will, he can do nothing in this age. There is
another personage, a personage less imposing in the eyes of some, perhaps
insignificant. The schoolmaster is abroad, and I trust to him, armed with his
primer, against the soldier in full military array.
 -- Lord Brougham
%%
Let the stoics say what they please, we do not eat for the good of
living, but because the meat is savory and the appetite is keen.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Let the user debug it!
%%
Let the voice of wisdom be your own.
%%
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah lv, 7
%%
Let the world go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe
alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans,
born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter
peace, proud of our ancient heritage, and unwilling to witness or
permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation
has always been committed, and to which we are committed today, at
home and around the world!
 -- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963), Inaugural Address, 1961
%%
Let the world slide,
A fig for care, and a fig for woe!
If I can't pay, why I can owe,
And death makes equal the high and low.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Be Merry Friends
%%
Let the world slide.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Wit Without Money, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Let the world slide.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Induc. Sc. 1
%%
Let the world wagge,
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. v
%%
Let the worst come to the worst.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. v
%%
Let the worthy citizens of Chicago get their liquor the best way
they can. I'm sick of the job. It's a thankless one and full of grief.
 -- Capone
%%
"Let thine occupations be few," saith the sage,
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 24
%%
Let those love now who never loved before;
Let those who always loved, now love the more.
 -- Thomas Parnell (1679-1717)
 -- Translation of the Pervigilium Veneris
%%
Let those that merely talk and never think,
That live in the wild anarchy of drink.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Underwoods. An Epistle, answering to One that asked to be sealed
 -- of the Tribe of Ben
%%
Let thy maid servant be faithful, strong, and homely.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Let thy speech be better than silence, or be silent.
 -- Dionysius the Elder (430-367 BC)
 -- Frag. 6
%%
Let thy words be few.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes v, 2
%%
Letting Clinton run the country is like making Charles Manson the pope.
%%
Letting "I dare not" wait upon "I would,"
Like the poor cat i' the adage.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 7
%%
Letting oneself be drawn
Brings good fortune and remains blameless.
If one is sincere,
It furthers one to bring even a small offering.
%%
Letting the other land the first punch is bad strategy.
 -- Sean Connery, "Family Business", movie
%%
Lettuce doth extinguish venerious acts.
 -- Andrew Boorde (1490?-1549)

It is said that the effect of eating too much lettuce is 'soporific'.
 -- Beatrix Potter (1868-1943), "The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies."
%%
Lettuce hail Caesar salad: We who are about to sigh dilute you.
%%
Lettuce is like conversation: it must be fresh and crisp, and so sparkling
 that you scarcely notice the bitter in it.
 -- Charles Dudley Warner
%%
LETTUCE, n.  An herb of the genus _Lactuca_, "Wherewith," says that
pious gastronome, Hengist Pelly, "God has been pleased to reward the
good and punish the wicked.  For by his inner light the righteous man
has discerned a manner of compounding for it a dressing to the
appetency whereof a multitude of gustible condiments conspire, being
reconciled and ameliorated with profusion of oil, the entire
comestible making glad the heart of the godly and causing his face to
shine.  But the person of spiritual unworth is successfully tempted to
the Adversary to eat of lettuce with destitution of oil, mustard, egg,
salt and garlic, and with a rascal bath of vinegar polluted with
sugar.  Wherefore the person of spiritual unworth suffers an
intestinal pang of strange complexity and raises the song."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Let us a little permit Nature to take her own way; she better understands
her own affairs than we.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xiii
%%
Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to
borrow money to do it.
 -- Artemus Ward
%%
Let us at all times remember that all American citizens are brothers of
a common country, and should dwell together in the bonds of fraternal
feeling.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
Let us begin by committing ourselves to the truth -
to see it like it is, and tell it like it is -
to find the truth, to speak the truth, and live the truth.
 -- Richard Nixon, accepting the Presidential Nomination, 1968
%%
Let us be of good cheer, however, remembering that the misfortunes
hardest to bear are those which never come.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Democracy and Addresses
%%
Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Let us be thankful for the fools; but for them the rest of us could not
succeed.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Let Us Celebrate!
%%
Let us celebrate an exhaltation of larks!
%%
Let us cling to our principles as the mariner clings to his last
plank when night and tempest close around him.
 -- Dr. Young
%%
Let us condemn to hellfire all those who disagree with us.
 -- militant religionists everywhere
%%
Let us consider the reason of the case. For nothing is law that is not reason.
 -- Sir John Powell (1645-1713)
 -- Coggs vs. Bernard, 2 Lord Raymond, 911
%%
Let us cross the river, and rest under the trees.
 -- Thomas Jonathan [Stonewall] Jackson, 10 May 1863.
%%
Let us crown ourselves with rosebuds before they be withered.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Wisdom of Solomon ii, 8
%%
Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write.
 -- John Adams
%%
Let us do or die.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Island Princess, Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Let us eat and drink; for to-morrow we shall die.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxii, 13
%%
Let us embrace, and from this very moment vow an eternal misery together.
 -- Thomas Otway (1651-1685)
 -- The Orphan, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Let us endeavour to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will
be sorry.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), from Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar(1894)
%%
Let us fill your crack!
 -- Sign on an asphalt truck
%%
Let us fly and save our bacon.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. lv
%%
Let us get through this week. Let us get through the debate or debates.
Let us see George Bush re-elected this November. And then we'll talk
about 1994.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked by Bernard Shaw if
                   Bush/Quayle victory in 1992 would make him the heir
                   apparent in 1996, 8/17/92, on CNN. (A NY Times article
                   started: "No Comment Yet On Strategy for '94. But will
                   it be a good year for potatoes?" It then went on to
                   speculate that Kemp, Baker, Bennett and Buchanan won't
                   be running in '94)
%%
    Let us go forth not as defenders of the status quo,
     but as crusaders with a revolution idea - that
    government should be the servant and not the master
    of the people; that its purpose is to protect, not
    deny, each man's freedom; that the purpose of a free
    press is to liberate, not enslave the human spirit.

 -- From the speech made by A. S. Hills upon taking office as President of the
    Inter-American Press Association
%%
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
 -- T. S. Eliot, "Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
%%
Let us have faith that right makes might; and in that faith let us
dare to do our duty as we understand it.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
 -- Address, New York City, Feb. 21, 1859
%%
Let us have peace.
 -- Ulysses S. Grant (1822-1885)
 -- Accepting a Nomination for the Presidency, May 29, 1868
%%
Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,
Sermons and soda-water the day after.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto ii, Stanza 178
%%
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep
his commandments; for this is the whole duty of man.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xii, 13
%%
Let us keep our mouths shut and our pens dry until we know the facts.
 -- A. J. Carlson
%%
Let us live Let us love Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls
You first.
%%
Let us make an honourable retreat.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Let us make hay while the sun shines.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
Let us not be too particular: it is better to have old secondhand diamonds
 than none at all.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Let us not confuse stability with stagnation.
 -- Mary Jean LeTendre
%%
Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.
 -- James Thurber (1894-1961)
%%
Let us not say, Every man is the architect of his own fortune; but let
us say, Every man is the architect of his own character.
 -- George Dana Boardman
%%
Let us not wonder if something happens which never was before, or
if something doth not appear among us with which the ancients were
acquainted.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Symposiacs, Book viii, Question ix
%%
Let Us Open Our Checkbooks and Pray.
 -- J. Swaggart
%%
    Let us overthrow the totems, break the taboos.  Or better,
let us consider them cancelled.  Coldly, let us be
intelligent.
 -- Pierre Trudeau
%%
Let us praise the noble turkey vulture: No one envies him; he harms nobody;
and he contemplates our little world from a most serene and noble height.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Let us pray for understanding and for compassion.
Let us do no such damn thing.
 -- Q and Picard, "Hide and Q", stardate 41590.5
%%
Let us rejoice and be merry.
%%
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
%%
"Let Us Remove Your Shorts".
 -- Seen on the side of an electrician's truck
%%
"Let us see," the blind man said.
%%
Let us start a new religion with one commandment, "Enjoy thyself."
 -- Israel Zanguill (1864-1929)
%%
Let us suffer any person to tell us his story morning and evening, but
for one twelve-month, and he will become our master.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
Let us, then, be up and doing,
  With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
  Learn to labour and to wait.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- A Psalm of Life
%%
Let us, then, fellow citizens, unite with one heart and one mind.  Let
us restore to social intercourse that harmony and affection without
which liberty and even life itself are but dreary things.  And let us
reflect that having banished from our land that religious intolerance
under which mankind so long bled, we have yet gained little if we
countenance a political intolerance as despotic, as wicked, and
capable of a bitter and bloody persecutions.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Let us treat men and women well;
Treat them as if they were real;
Perhaps they are.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Let Waco and Ruby Ridge be a warning to all Americans.
%%
Let wife and child perish, and lay bricks for your last crust, rather than
 part with an iota of your copyrights.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (to Sean O'Casey)
%%
Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home
and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and
someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough
to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous
thing.
 -- Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men in a Boat"
%%
Let your conscience be your guide.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Let your fingers do the talking.
%%
Let your fingers do the walking on the yulkjhnb keys.
%%
Let your heart guide you.  It whispers, so listen closely.
 -- The Land Before Time
%%
Let your humor always be good humor in both senses. If it comes of
a bad humor, it is pretty sure not to belie its parentage.
%%
Let your loins be girded about, and your lights burning.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xii, 35
%%
Let yourself be open and life will be easier.  A spoon of salt in a glass of
water makes the water undrinkable.  A spoon of salt in a lake is almost
unnoticed.
 -- Buddha
%%
Let your soul stand cool and composed before a million universes.
 -- Whitman
%%
Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt.
 -- New Testament
 -- Colossians iv, 6
%%
Let your Wit rather serve you for a buckler to defend yourself,
by a handsome reply, than the Sword to wound others, though with never
so facetious a Reproach, remembering that a Word cuts deeper than a
sharper weapon, and the Wound it makes is longer curing.
 -- Osborn
%%
Let zeal be ever present, but hesitation absent.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Level Six Tagline Diagnostics initiated.
%%
LEVERAGE:
Even if someone doesn't care what the world thinks
about them, they always hope their mother doesn't find out.
%%
Leveraging always beats prototyping.
%%
LEVIATHAN, n.  An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job.  Some
suppose it to have been the whale, but that distinguished
ichthyologer, Dr. Jordan, of Stanford University, maintains with
considerable heat that it was a species of gigantic Tadpole (_Thaddeus
Polandensis_) or Polliwig -- _Maria pseudo-hirsuta_.  For an
exhaustive description and history of the Tadpole consult the famous
monograph of Jane Potter, _Thaddeus of Warsaw_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Levity is the soul of wit.
 -- Melville D. Landon. (Eli Perkins)
%%
Lewd fellows of the baser sort.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xvii, 5
%%
Lewis and Clark volunteered to go (so long, farewell, wear your overcoat).
%%
Lewis Carroll: Alison Wonderland
%%
:lexer: /lek'sr/ n. Common hacker shorthand for `lexical
   analyzer', the input-tokenizing stage in the parser for a language
   (the part that breaks it into word-like pieces).  "Some C lexers
   get confused by the old-style compound ops like `=-'."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:lexiphage: /lek'si-fayj`/ n. A notorious word {chomper} on
   ITS.  See {bagbiter}.  This program would draw on a selected
   victim's bitmapped terminal the words "THE BAG" in ornate
   letters, followed a pair of jaws biting pieces of it off.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
L'extension des privileges des femmes est le principe general de tous progres
 sociaux.
 -- Charles Fourier, 1808
%%
LIA: Load Ineffective Address
%%
Liar, n.: A lawyer with a roving commission.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
%%
Liars get caught by the tale.
%%
Liars ought to have good memories.
 -- Algernon Sidney (1622-1683)
 -- Discourses on Government, Chap. ii, Sect. xv
%%
Liars when they speak the truth are not believed.
 -- Aristotle
%%
LIBEL: likely.  "Yur libel t'git snockered drinkin RC!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Liberace was great on a piano, but sucked on an organ.
%%
Liberal Agenda: See TV Guide
%%
Liberal - a power worshiper without power.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950)
%%
Liberal crap or Conservative crap - both smell just as bad.
%%
Liberal crap or Conservative crap - it still stinks.
%%
Liberal Democrats are bankrupting the United States
%%
Liberal democrats tend to use the word "tolerant" hypocritically.
%%
Liberal democrats tolerant?   Bat guano!
%%
Liberal democrats tolerant?   Bravo Sierra!
%%
Liberal fairness: making the rich poor instead of the poor rich!
%%
Liberal -- government's version of a computer virus.
%%
Liberal:  I don't know how expensive this thing gets!
%%
Liberalism: abandoned moral standards.
%%
Liberalism: America's last bastion of cultivated hypocrisy.
%%
Liberalism and alcoholism are dysfunctional addictions.
%%
Liberalism: Bad ideas in search of a big budget.
%%
Liberalism: Death knell of the American middle class.
%%
Liberalism gives a fish. Conservatism teaches how to fish.
%%
Liberalism-God, how I hate the 20th century.
%%
Liberalism: In a relentless pursuit of your money.
%%
Liberalism is a learning disorder.
%%
Liberalism is for people who have no imagination!
%%
Liberalism is futile. We are EIB. You will be assimilated.
%%
Liberalism is simply another word for Communism.
%%
Liberalism is the "wasting disease" of society.
%%
Liberalism is trust of the people, tempered by prudence;
conservatism, distrust of people, tempered by fear.
 -- William Gladstone
%%
Liberalism: On the cutting edge of decay.
%%
Liberalism: primary factor for disappointment.
%%
Liberalism - the religious left.
%%
Liberalism: Unbridled emotion fueled by unbridled greed.
%%
Liberalism will one day assume room temperature.
%%
Liberal: It's society's failure that caused your shit to Happen.
%%
Liberal joke: funny.  Conservative joke: racist bigotry.
%%
Liberal = Lacking Intelligence But Eagerly Reducing American Liberty
%%
Liberal largesse is limited only by conservative income.
%%
Liberal minds are like streams -- broad and shallow.
%%
Liberal minds run in the channel, right down the gutter.
%%
Liberal (n): Anyone who disagrees with you.
%%
Liberal - proof that evolution is not an exact science.
%%
Liberals achieve fairness by spreading misery around.
%%
Liberals and criminals both want the population unarmed. Coincidence?
%%
Liberals are an easy target. They're so soft and furry, and they make
lovely pleading noises when trod on.
 -- Patrick Carroll
%%
Liberals are extraterrestrials without brains.
%%
Liberals are failed pragmatists.
%%
Liberals are nothing more than lobbyists for criminals.
%%
Liberals aren't without worth - they can still serve as a bad example.
%%
Liberals are the first to dump you if you con them or get into
trouble.  Conservatives are better.  They never run out on you.
 -- Joseph "Crazy Joe" Gallo
%%
Liberals: Building a Masochistic America.
%%
Liberals, but not conservatives, can get attention and acclaim for
denouncing liberal policies that failed; and liberals will inevitably
capture the ensuing agenda for "reform."
 -- John McClaughry
%%
Liberals claiming to be tolerant of other POV's.
 -- Liberal hypocrisy
%%
Liberal's destruction of society can ruin your day
%%
Liberals _do_ have one redeeming characteristic - mortality.....
%%
Liberals do have standards - double standards!
%%
Liberals don't believe they deserve anything they own; conservatives
think they're entitled to everything they've stolen.
%%
Liberals don't care what people do, as long as it's compulsory.
%%
Liberal's economy equals 100% tax on EVERYTHING.
%%
Liberal's economy equals 100% tax on YOUR earnings.
%%
Liberals embrace moral turpitude as ethical conduct!
%%
Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they
 deserve everything they've stolen.
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
Liberals figure everyone ELSE should be good at something.
%%
Liberals have what it takes to take what you've got.
%%
Liberal's Investment: more taxes and more spending.
%%
Liberal Slogan: "Better Dead than Read"
%%
Liberals: Making the world safe for hypocrisy.
%%
Liberals never, ever mention individual responsibility!
%%
Liberal: Society's version of a computer virus.
%%
Liberal: Someone who will give you the shirt off somebody else's back!
%%
Liberals operate at a 180 degree angle to reality
%%
Liberal Speach: I promise you a Korn Dog in every asshole
%%
Liberals smash it and conservatives rebuild it.
%%
Liberals *still* lamely try and fail to discredit Rush Limbaugh.
%%
Liberals think you can reform an ax murderer. They don't want to kill
 anything. They want to change the Listerine labels: "Rehabilitate the germs
 that can cause bad breath."
 -- Marc Price
%%
Liberals vote with their hearts, Conservatives vote with their brains.
%%
Liberals want to put your money where their mouth is!
%%
Liberals Whole Hog Sausage with 100 percent pure pork.
%%
Liberal Thinking is...THE NEW FASCISM!
%%
Liberal Torture: Having Rush Limbaugh agree with a liberal.
%%
Liberation Cocktail = A glass of prune juice. It will set you free!
%%
Libertarian: a Republican who wants cheaper drugs.
%%
Libertarian Organization
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Libertarian Party HQ, free info # : BR-549
%%
Libertarians oppose all proposed and pending victim-disarmament laws
%%
Libertas et natale solum:
Fine words! I wonder where you stole 'em.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Verses occasioned by Whitshed's Motto on his Coach
%%
Liberty and freedom have to be more than just words.
 -- Kirk, "The Omega Glory," stardate unknown.
%%
Liberty and Union, now and forever, one and inseparable.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Second Speech on Foot's Resolution, Jan. 26, 1830, p. 342
%%
Liberty cannot be guaranteed by law. Nor by any thing else except the
resolution of free citizens to defend their liberties.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the
people, who have ...a right, an indisputable, unalienable, indefeasible,
divine right to that most dreaded and envied kind of knowledge, I
mean the character and conduct of their rulers.
 -- John Adams
%%
Liberty comes out of boxes -- Ballot, Jury, Soap, and AMMO!
%%
Liberty consists in the power of doing that which is permitted by law.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Liberty exists in proportion to wholesome restraint.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech at the Charleston Bar Dinner, May 10, 1847, Vol. ii, p. 393
%%
Liberty Federation
 -- Oxymoron
%%
   Liberty Hulse of Middle Island was steadying an unidentified blonde
woman who was crying and appeared near a state of collapse.
   ``You have to eat,'' Hulse said to the woman. ``You have a beautiful
family, and you have to take care of them too.''
   Hulse explained to reporters that the woman ``hasn't eaten for weeks''
because of anxiety over the fate of two dogs who were ostensibly buried
in the cemetery in Middle Island about 60 miles east of New York City.
   Hulse said she also paid to have her dog buried there, and she
expressed concern that the cemetery might be bulldozed as a health
hazard because of an estimated quarter of a million animals buried
there.
   ``Are they going to bulldoze it?'' she asked. ``Over my dead body,
because they will have to kill me first.''
 -- (UPI) Enraged pet owners curse cemetery owners, 7/9/91
%%
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
 -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
Liberty is always unfinished business.
 -- American Civil Liberties Union, Title, Annual Report, 1955-1956
%%
Liberty is being free from the things we don't like in order to be
slaves to the things we do like.
 -- Ernest Benn
%%
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end.  It is itself the highest
political end.
 -- Lord Acton
%%
Liberty... is one of the most valuable blessings that Heaven has bestowed
upon mankind.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lviii
%%
Liberty is so much latitude as the powerful choose to accord the weak.
 -- Judge Learned Hand
%%
Liberty is the mother, not the daughter, of order.
 -- Proudhon
%%
Liberty is the only thing you cannot have unless you
are willing to give it to others.
 -- William Allen White
%%
Liberty is the right to choose.  Freedom is the result of the right choice.
%%
Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no
constitution, no law, no court can save it....  While it lies there,
it needs no constitution, no law, no court to save it.
 -- Learned Hand, jurist
%%
Liberty means responsibility.  That is why most men dread it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
LIBERTY, n.  One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

    The rising People, hot and out of breath,
    Roared around the palace:  "Liberty or death!"
    "If death will do," the King said, "let me reign;
    You'll have, I'm sure, no reason to complain."
                                                      Martha Braymance
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Liberty 's in every blow!
        Let us do or die.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Bannockburn
%%
Liberty too can corrupt, and absolute liberty can corrupt absolutely.
 -- Gertrude Himmelfarb
%%
Librarian Party:  Bring your own books and beer.
%%
Librarians do it by the book.
%%
LIBRARIANS do it in the stacks.
%%
Librarians do it on the shelfs.
%%
LIBRARIANS do it quietly.
%%
Librarians do it silently.
%%
Libraries are the shrines where all the relics of the ancient saints,
full of true virtue, and that without delusion or imposture, are
preserved and reposed.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Libraries - Matter for the mind.
%%
Library:
An organized collection of obsolete material.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Library catalog proves that the librarian exists.
%%
Library is a growing organism.
 -- Fifth Law of library science
%%
Library is no place for romance.
%%
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time
with reality.  If you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Chances for
employment and monetary gains are excellent.  Most Libra women are prostitutes.
All Libra people die of venereal disease.
 Your desire for justice and truth will be overshadowed by your
desire for filthy lucre and a decent meal. Be gracious and polite.
Someone is watching you, so stop staring like that.
%%
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
Major achievements, new friends, and a previously unexplored
  way to make a lot of money will come to a lot of people today,
but unfortunately you won't be one of them.
Consider not getting out of bed today.
%%
LIBRA    September 23 - October 22
You are very affectionate and sympathetic toward others.  You enjoy
sobbing.  You talk a great deal about justice, but no one trusts you.
Most Libras are alcoholics and dope fiends.  People look at you with
pity.
%%
Licensed remote control operator.
%%
License plates: (Some should be seen through rear view mirrors!)
 IB6UB9          FASTRNU         UR2CLOSE        6ULDV8
 3M TA3          IHADUB4         T1H2 TA3        UKFA UYA
 TIH2 HO         LIFSABCH        LKS CNTS        LK ME 2
 A WMN DZT       FKME2TRS        IM2YS4U         ASSY REQD
 BOLLX           MIPS NT         MACGEEK         BRSTLVR
%%
License they mean when they cry, Liberty!
For who loves that must first be wise and good.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- On the Detraction which followed upon my writing certain Treatises
%%
Licker talks mighty loud w'en it gets loose fum de jug.
 -- Joel C. Harris, "Uncle Remus: Plantation Proverbs"
%%
Lick it, put a stamp on it, and mail it to somebody who gives a shit
 -- Kyra Sedgwick in Something to Talk About
%%
LICKSPITTLE, n.  A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing
a newspaper.  In his character of editor he is closely allied to the
blackmailer by the tie of occasional identity; for in truth the
lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the
latter is frequently found as an independent species.  Lickspittling
is more detestable than blackmailing, precisely as the business of a
confidence man is more detestable than that of a highway robber; and
the parallel maintains itself throughout, for whereas few robbers will
cheat, every sneak will plunder if he dare.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Licorice is the liver of candy.
 -- Michael O'Donoghue
%%
Lie about the past, then try to repeat it.
 -- Liberal Rule # 6
%%
Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered
 to date.
%%
Lie back and think of England.
 -- Anonymous (Victorian advice to women)
%%
Lie: Before you know it, the baby will sleep through the night.
%%
Lie, cheat, steal, kill, leave the toilet seat up.
%%
Lie loud and long enough and someone may believe it.
 -- Liberal Rule # 4
%%
Lie me alibi
 -- Steven King.
%%
Lies!  All lies!  You're all lying against my boys!
 -- Ma Barker
%%
Lies, damned lies and user documentation.
%%
Lies written in ink can never disguise facts written in blood.   Blood debts
 must be repaid in kind.  The longer the delay, the greater the interest.
 -- Chinese author Lu Xun, 1926
%%
Lie ten nights awake, carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was
wont to speak plain and to the purpose.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Lie: The baby looks just like its father.
%%
Lie: The baby looks just like you.
%%
Lie: The program is bug free.
%%
Lieutenant, do you intend to blast a hole through the viewer?
 -- Capt. Picard to Worf, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
Lieutenant, I order you to relax.
I am relaxed!
 -- Picard and Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Lieutenant, is there a six foot bat in Gotham City?
%%
Lieutenant, I understand your feelings about the Romulans. But this is
   not the time or the place.
If you had seem them KILL your parents, you would understand Doctor, it
  is always the time and place for those feelings.
This Romulan didn't murder your parents and you are the only one who can
  save his life.
Then he will die.
 -- Dr. Crusher and Geordi, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
Lie: We couldn't find a baby-sitter.
%%
Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties,
passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and
seeing them gratified.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Life always gets harder toward the summit -- the cold increases, the
responsibility increases.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Life always sucks.   It's just that sometimes that feels very good.
 -- Kevin Ryan
%%
Life always sucks--some days it just bothers you more than others.
%%
Life and death are seldom logical.
But attaining a desired goal always is.
 -- McCoy and Spock, "The Galileo Seven," stardate 2821.7
%%
Life--an invariably fatal condition spread by sexual contact.
%%
Life: another day, another dolor.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Life As A Comic: Stan Dupp
%%
Life as a student of Pascal is eternally blissful.
%%
Life - A sexually transmitted disease which
afflicts some people more severely than others.
%%
Life, as we know it, does not exist.
%%
    Life at the top is financially rewarding, spiritually
draining, physically exhausting, and short.
 -- Peter C. Newman
%%
 Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.
 -- Stella Adler
%%
Life becomes sufficient unto life; the rewards of living are found
 in living.
 -- Richard Wright
%%
Life Before Cars: Orson Buggy
%%
Life Before The Civil War: Aunty Bellum
%%
Life before the real world -- work.
%%
Life begins at '030, fun starts at '040, senility begins at '86.
%%
Life begins at contraception.
%%
Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward.
 -- Miss November (1966)
%%
Life begins when you can spend your spare time programming instead of
 watching television.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
 -- Paul Gauguin
%%
Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for
changes.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Life by Norman Rockwell, but screenplay by Stephen King.
%%
Life can be great if you live it to the fullest!
%%
Life can be modeled as a hidden Markov process with infinite states and
no a-priori knowledge of the probability density functions.
%%
Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard, "Life"
%%
Life can be profitable, if you know the odds.
 -- Ripley
%%
Life can be so tragic -- you're here today and here tomorrow.
%%
Life can not be created or destroyed, it can only be screwed up.
%%
Life cannot subsist in society but by reciprocal concessions.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Life!  Can't live with it, can't live without it.
%%
Life comes and goes, and is now a monthly.
%%
Life consists in this. You no sooner get your head above water when someone
 flushes and it all starts over again.
%%
Life consists of accommodating oneself to the Universe.
%%
Life consists of accommodating the Universe to oneself.
%%
Life creates it [the Force] and makes it grow. Its energy surrounds
us and binds
us. Luminous beings are we ... Feel the flow. Feel the Force around you.
 -- Yoda
%%
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it
 ceases to be serious when people laugh.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Life does not consist of thinking, it consists in acting.
%%
Life.  Don't talk to me about life.
 -- Marvin the Paranoid Android
%%
Life eludes logic.
%%
Life exists for no known purpose.
%%
Life Facts..Death, Taxes, and "THEY" will Tax us to Death.
%%
LIFE: From diapers to dignity to decomposition.
%%
Life goes on, but why?
%%
Life goes on day after day [after day]...
%%
Lifeguards do it on the beach.
%%
Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it.  If you could
just persuade people of this, but they insist on amassing information.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
%%
Life has a great deal up its sleeve.
%%
Life has a lot of undocumented features!
%%
Life has a value only when it has something valuable as its object.
 -- Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831)
%%
Life has been a hard teacher!
%%
Life has been very good to me.  I never had to worry about where I was
going to go.  But I do say, 'Dan, you know, sometime in life there's
going to be a tragedy.' There was never anything where 'I've got to work
really hard to get there ...'
 -- Senator Dan Quayle engaging in self-reflection while on the
                   campaign trail. (reported in the Washington Post, 10/10/88)
%%
Life has its own hidden forces which you can only discover by living.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it,
than to accept life unquestioningly.  Everything we shut our eyes
to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or
despise, serves to defeat us in the end.  What seems nasty, painful,
evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with
an open mind.  Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision
to recognize it as such.
 -- Henry Miller
%%
Life has no rehearsals, only performances.
%%
  "Life," he said, "is like a grapefruit."
  "Er, how so?"
  "Well, it's sort of orangy-yellow and dimpled on the
outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips
inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for
breakfast."
  "Is there anyone else out there I can talk to?"
 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Life imitates art--but badly.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Life imitates art, but does it have to imitate satire?
%%
Life imitates art far more than art imitates life
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Life in a free society is friendly, prosperous, pleasant, cultured, and
 ever-longer.
 -- Jeff Daiell, 1989, in contrapoint to Hobbes
%%
Life in a vacuum sucks.
%%
Life in Chicago: Wendy City
%%
Life insurance is designed for people who believe they'll be
dead one day.
%%
Life in the fast lane will surely make you lose your mind.
%%
Life In The Sorority House: Carrie Onn
%%
Life in the twentieth century is like a parachute jump: you have to get it
right the first time.
 -- Margaret Mead
%%
Life is 10% what you make of it and 90% how you take it.
%%
Life is a banquet & most suckers are starving!
%%
Life is a bed of roses, full of Pricks.
%%
Life is a bitch and school is its son.
%%
Life is a bizarre thing.  First you spend it running from childhood,
then you spend the rest of it trying to get back.
 -- Ravenous Tenebrosity
%%
Life is a circus and all the clowns are in Washington.
%%
Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you
 can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Life is a continuing series of multiple-choice questions, with the
answers torn out of the back of the book.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Life is act, and not to do is death.
 -- Lewis Morris
%%
Life is a desease from which sleep gives us relife every sixteen hours.
Sleep is a palliative, death is a remedy.
 -- Sebastien Roch Nicolas Chamfort (1741-1794)
 -- Maximes et Pensees (1796)
%%
Life is a disease; and the only diference between one another is the
stage of the disease at which he lives.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Life is a do-it-yourself job.
%%
Life is a Ferris wheel - you get dizzy.
 -- Linette
%%
Life is a first draft....with NO rewrite.
%%
Life is a five-part miniseries, and I have somehow already missed parts
one through four.
 -- "Cathy"
%%
Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
 -- Christopher Morley
%%
Life is a fractal in Hilbert space.
 -- Rudy Rucker
%%
Life is a Game; Cheat!
%%
Life is a game.  In order to have a game, something has to be more important
than something else.  If what already is, is more important than what isn't,
the game is over.  So, life is a game in which what isn't, is more important
than what is.
Let the good times roll.
 -- Werner Erhard
%%
Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
 -- Ted Turner
%%
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
%%
Life is a game, to win you must play and to play you must win.
%%
Life is a gift, Living is an art.
 -- Bram Moolenaar
%%
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.
 -- Danny Kaye
%%
Life is a great surprise. I do not see why death should not be an even
greater one.
 -- Vladimir Nabokov, quoted in "Time", 1981
%%
Life is a handkerchief; smooth and clean and white... until you blow it.
 -- Wild Bill Shakespeare
    (Jeff Anderson)
%%
Life is a hereditary disease.
%%
Life IS a highway.  It's backed up for 2 miles!
%%
Life is a holiday in the same way that glass is a
liquid
%%
Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire
to change his bed.
 -- Charles Baudelaire
%%
Life is a jest, and all things show it;
I thought so once, but now I know it.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- My own Epitaph
%%
Life is a journey, not a destination.
%%
Life is a kind of trick.
%%
Life is a little like cards:
You fall in love - Hearts
You become engaged - Diamonds
You marry - Clubs
You die - Spades
%%
Life is all sweetness and light.
%%
Life is a math class - solve one problen, get another
%%
Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turning before we
have learnt to walk.
 -- Cyril Connolly
%%
Life is a meaningless comma in the sentence of time.
 -- Chris Garrat & Mick Kidd
%%
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
 -- Truman Capote
%%
Life is a mystery novel where the last few pages are torn.
%%
Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.
%%
Life is an incurable disease.
 -- Abraham Cowley
%%
Life is an onion and one peels it crying.
%%
Life is an unanswered question, but let's still believe in the dignity
and importance of the question.
 -- Tennessee Williams
%%
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Life is a perpetual instruction in cause and effect.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Life is a pinball machine.   You bounce around for a while, and then you drain.
 -- Joe Bak
%%
Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST!  I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a
problem to be solved.
 -- Gerard Straub, television producer and author (stolen from Frank Herbert??)
%%
Life is a rotten job and the hours are a bitch.
%%
Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime.
%%
Life is a search after power.
 -- Emerson
%%
Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even
though it is hard to realize this.  For the world was built to develop
character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we
endure help us in our marching onward.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
Life is a series of movements from one chair to another.
%%
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them.- that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
 -- Lao-Tse, Chinese philosopher
%%
Life is a series of rude awakenings.
 -- R. V. Winkle
%%
Life is a serious burden, which no thinking,
humane person would want only inflict on someone else.
 -- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100 percent fatal.
%%
Life is a shit sandwich, and every day is another bite.
%%
Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale
Vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Life is a terminal illness.
 -- Don Wallace
%%
Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot
 -- Charlie Chaplin
%%
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
%%
Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond your control.
 -- Van Roy's Truism
%%
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
%%
Life is best done awake.
%%
Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and
 because it has fresh peaches in it.
 -- Alice Walker
%%
Life is boring without EDLIN.
%%
Life is both difficult and time consuming.
%%
Life is but a dream.
%%
Life is but a moment. THerefore a moment of love is worth a lifetime.
%%
Life is but an unfair circle, intertwined among the ruins of my salvation as
 a soul of this universe.    My humble despair deserves no such fate; perhaps
  sometime in the near distant future I may live to say 'This really sucks!'
 -- Eric Dransfeldt
%%
Life is complicated, and not for the timid.
%%
Life is crazy. So I fit right in ...
%%
Life is cruel? Compared to what?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Life is cruel ... it keeps me in stitches.
%%
Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
%%
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Life is doing things, not making things.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Life is doubt, and faith without doubt is nothing but death.
 -- Miguel de Unamuno
%%
Life is easier than you'd think;  all that is necessary is to accept
the impossible, do without the indispensable, and bear the intolerable.
 -- Kathleen Norris
%%
Life is evil spelled backwards.
%%
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
%%
Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
Life is full of concepts that are poorly defined.  In fact, there are
very few concepts that aren't.   It's hard to think of any in
non-technical fields.
 -- Daniel Kimberg
%%
Life is full of little surprises
 -- Pandora
%%
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over
 much too soon.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Life is full of pleasant surprises.
%%
Life is full of surprises when you're up th' stream of consciousness
 without a paddle...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Life is full of undocumented features!
%%
Life is getting a bit more complicated. The kid who made the most low
 grades in high school and set the record in this regard has gone off to
 school to learn how to clean venetian blinds. The course takes three weeks!
%%
Life is getting better all the time.
%%
Life is hard - and even harder when you're not stupid.
%%
Life is hard, and then you die.
 -- Record Title
%%
Life is hard. It's even harder if you're stupid.
%%
Life is hard? True--but let's love it anyhow, though it breaks every bone in
our bodies.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Life is hard with an extended alphabet... [SIGH]
%%
:Life is hard: [XEROX PARC] prov. This phrase has two possible
   interpretations: (1) "While your suggestion may have some merit, I
   will behave as though I hadn't heard it."  (2) "While your
   suggestion has obvious merit, equally obvious circumstances prevent
   it from being seriously considered."  The charm of the phrase lies
   precisely in this subtle but important ambiguity.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Life is Hell.
%%
Life is islands of ecstasy in an ocean of ennui, and after the age of thirty
land is seldom seen.
 -- Luke Rhinehart
%%
Life is just a bed of roses.
%%
Life is just a bowl of cherries, but why do I always get the pits?
%%
Life is just a bowl of chili, but no beans for you.
%%
Life is just a bowl of pits.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
Life is just a bowl of toenails.
%%
Life is just a party and party weren't meant to last.
%%
Life is just a placebo masquerading as a simile...
%%
Life is just one big beta test cycle.
%%
Life is just one damned thing after another.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Life is just one large conspiracy to drive me to chocolate.
%%
Life is...life is...life is...life is a kumquat.
%%
Life is like a 10 speed bicycle.  Most of us have gears we never use.
 -- C. Schultz
%%
Life is like a bagel.  It's delicious when it's fresh and warm, but
often it's just hard.  The hole in the middle is its great mystery, and
yet it wouldn't be a bagel without it.
%%
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
%%
Life is like a B-grade movie.  You don't want to leave in the middle of it,
but you don't want to see it again.
 -- Ted Turner
%%
Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.   You have to
eat it nevertheless.
 -- Flaubert
%%
Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get.
 -- Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump
%%
Life is like a brick.  Drop it on your toe and it hurts.
%%
Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it.
%%
Life is like a Car-wash and I'm on a bicycle.
%%
Life is like a clock:  you can work constantly and be right all the
time, or not work at all and be right at least twice a day.
%%
Life is like a coin.  You can spend it any way you wish, but you only
spend it once.
 -- Lillian Dickson
%%
Life is like a cucumber --
one moment it's in your hand, the next it's up your ass.
%%
Life is like a diaper -- short and loaded.
%%
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never
 changes.
 -- Lewis Grizzard
%%
Life is like a fountain...  I will tell you how when I figure it out.
%%
Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents
determinism. The way you play it is free will.
 -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
Life is like a hot shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water.
%%
Life is like a jigsaw puzzle but you don't have the picture on the front of the
box to know what it's supposed to look like.  Sometimes, you're not even sure
if you have all the pieces.
%%
Life is like a Joss-stick, it stinks and then it's over.
%%
Life is like a maze in which you try to avoid the exit.
%%
Life is like... an analogy.
%%
Life is like an egg stain on your chin --
you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
%%
Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.
 -- Charles Schultz, as Charlie Brown
 -- Peanuts, cartoon strip
%%
Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer,
then you find there is nothing in it.
%%
Life is like an unassembled abacus.  It's what you make of it that counts.
%%
Life is like a penis: when it's soft you
 can't beat it, and when it's hard you get fucked.
%%
Life is like a piano... what you get out of it depends on how you play it.
%%
Life is like a poker game.  You deal or are dealt to.  It includes skill and
luck.  You bet, check, bluff and raise.  You learn from those you play with.
Sometimes you win with a pair or lose with a full house.  But whatever happens,
it's best to keep on shuffling along.
%%
Life is like a puppy dog always searching for a street full of fire hydrants.
%%
Life is like a roller coaster, but I'm glad to be tall enough to ride.
%%
Life is like a room full of open doors which close as you get older.
%%
Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going
on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being
unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends.
%%
Life is like a sewer.
What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread
 you have, the less shit you have to eat.
%%
Life is like a simile.
%%
Life is like a tin of sardines.
We're, all of us, looking for the key.
 -- Beyond the Fringe
%%
Life is like basketball ... take a shot or dribble it away.
%%
Life is like climbing a ladder
To get where you are going you must reach high,
But to reach to high is to fall.
%%
Life is like cooking.  It all depends on what you add and how you mix it.
Sometimes you follow the recipe and at other times you're creative.
%%
Life is like eating grapefruit.  First you have to break through the
skin; then it takes a couple of bites to get used to the taste, and
just as you begin to enjoy it, it squirts you in the eye.
%%
Life is like Jazz, it should be improvised.
%%
 "Life is like...life.
 ...But not exactly."
 -- The Uncertainty Principle, according to the Mountaintop Guru
%%
Life is like playing a violin solo in public
and learning the instrume/t as one goes on.
 -- Samuel Butler, English poet
%%
Life is like pudding; soft and squishy.
%%
Life is like quotations. Sometimes, it makes you laugh.
Sometimes, it makes you cry. Most of the time, you don't get it.
%%
Life is like riding a bicycle,
you don't fall off unless you stop pedaling.
 -- Claude Pepper
%%
Life is like riding an elevator.  It has a lot of ups and downs and someone is
always pushing your buttons.  Sometimes you get the shaft, but what really
bothers you are the jerks.
%%
Life is like surrealism. If you have to have it explained to you, you can't
afford it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Life is like the Olympic games;  a few men strain their muscles to carry off a
prize, others sell trinckets to the crowd for a profit;  some just come and see
how everything is done.
 -- Pythagoras
%%
Life is like the Stock Market
 -- Ups & Downs.
%%
Life is made up of constant calls to action, and we seldom have time
for more than hastily contrived answers.
 -- Learned Hand
%%
Life is made up of marble and mud.
 -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Life is much too complicated in the morning.
%%
Life is never simple, but we pretend it is.
%%
Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have
got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Life is not a dress rehearsal.
 -- Ian Botham
%%
Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Life is not an exact science, it is an art.
%%
Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it is a predicament.
%%
Life is NOT a spectator sport!
%%
Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their
minds are incompetents in asylums, who can't and those in cemeteries.
 -- Everett Dirksen
%%
Life is not fair...it is, however, quite a circus.
%%
Life is not for everyone.
%%
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage -- it can
be delightful.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too
 much imagination.
 -- Christopher Isherwood
%%
Life is not so short but that there is always time for courtesy.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Life is not to be bought with heaps of gold:
Not all Apollo's Pythian treasures hold,
Or Troy once held, in peace and pride of sway,
Can bribe the poor possession of a day.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book ix, Line 524
%%
Life isn't always fair, but it shouldn't cheat that much.
%%
Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments.
 -- Rose Kennedy
%%
Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
%%
Life is often like a large serving of kumquats, sometimes there is more of
 a good thing than you can take.
%%
Life is one big road with lots of signs, so when you're riding through
 the rough don't you complicate your mind.
 -- Bob Marley
%%
Life Is One Contradiction After Another...No It Isn't !
%%
Life is one long process of getting tired.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
Life is one long struggle in the dark.
 -- Titus Lucretius Carus (55 BC)
%%
Life is only as long as you live it.
%%
Life is ours.  We live it our way.
%%
Life is pain, highness.  Anyone who ways differently is selling something.
 -- The Dread Pirate Wesley, "The Princess Bride", movie
%%
 Life is pleasant, but I have no yearning to clutter up the universe after
 it is over.
 -- On having children
%%
Life is pleasant.  Death is peaceful.  It's the transition that's
 troublesome.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Life is real! life is earnest!
  And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
  Was not spoken of the soul.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- A Psalm of Life
%%
Life is really just one long party.
%%
Life is recursive.
%%
Life is Roff when yer Stewpid
%%
Life is serious, but ART is fun.
 -- John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire
%%
Life is short and we never have enough time for gladdening the hearts of
those who travel the way with us.  Oh, be swift to love!  Make haste to
be kind.
 -- Henri Frederic Amiel (1821-1881)
%%
Life is short, art long, occasion sudden; to make experiments dangerous;
judgment difficult.  Neither is it sufficient that the physician do
his office, unless the patient and his attendants do their duty,
and that externals are likewise well ordered.
 -- Hippocrates (460-359 BC)
 -- Aphorism i
%%
Life is short. Cherish it.....
%%
Life is short. Get it right.
%%
Life is short. Live it up.
 -- Nikita S. Khrushchev (1894-1971)
%%
Life is short. Play hard.
%%
Life is silly but should be taken seriously.
%%
Life is so complicated. It must have been designed by a committee.
%%
Life is something that everyone should try at least once.
 -- Henry J. Tillman
%%
Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Life is sometimes hard to love, though we must love it because we
have no other. To fail to love it is to cease to exist.
%%
Life is sometimes like a pizza round: hot, greasy, and delivered by a guy
named 'Tony'.
%%
Life is so strange.
%%
Life is such a bundle of fun.
%%
Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
%%
Life is the art of being well-deceived.
%%
Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient
premisses.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
Life is the childhood of our immortality.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Life is the garment we continuously alter, but which never seem to fit.
 -- David McCord
%%
Life is the living you do,
Death is the living you don't do.
 -- Joseph Pintauro
%%
Life is the only activity with a 100% mortality rate.
%%
Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.
%%
Life is the only real counselor; wisdom unfiltered through personal
experience does not become a part of the moral tissue.
 -- Edith Wharton
%%
Life is the storm before the calm...
%%
Life is the urge to ecstasy.
%%
Life is too confusing for novices.  We should let the experts take care of it.
%%
Life is too important to take seriously.
 -- Corky Siegel
%%
Life is too short.
 -- Bart Gold
%%
Life is too short, but if you do it fast enough, you
can live it one and a half times.
%%
Life is too short for grief. Or regret. Or bullshit.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Life is too short for short people!
%%
Life is too short for traffic.
 -- Dan Bellack
%%
Life is too short to balance a checkbook.
 -- Howard Ogden
%%
Life is too short to be taken seriously.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Life is too short to dance with horizontally challenged women.
%%
Life is too short to do anything for oneself that one can pay others to do
 for one.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
Life is too short to drink cheap beer!
%%
Life is too short to drink cheap wine!
%%
Life is too short to learn Oracle!
%%
Life is too short to learn Z-Modem parameters!
%%
Life is too short to spend debugging Intel parts.
 -- Van J.
%%
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
 -- Shirley Conran
%%
Life is too short to wait in lines.
%%
Life is too short to waste
In critic peep or cynic bark,
Quarrel or reprimand:
'Twill soon be dark;
Up! mind thine own aim, and
God speed the mark!
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Life is too tragic for sadness: Let us rejoice.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Life is to the universe as rust is to iron.
We are, in the final judgement (on a planetary scale, certainly), nothing more
than an advanced form of corrosion, just one more way for the universe to wear
itself out a little faster.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Life is tough, and you know that when you've got more bills in your mailbox
 than in your wallet.
%%
Life is tough, but it's fair.
You had a good home; you could've stayed there.
%%
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
%%
Life is trial and error - tomorrow I go on trial for my errors.
%%
Life is uncertain - buy the luxuries first!
%%
Life is unfair. And it's not fair that life is unfair.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
"Life is Unfair" by Y. Mee
%%
Life is very interesting, if you make mistakes.
 -- Georges Carpentier
%%
Life is wasted on the living.
 -- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy",
 --  by Douglas Adams
%%
...Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans...
 -- John Lennon in "Beautiful Boy"
%%
Life is what passes you by while watching hockey.
%%
Life is wonderful.
%%
Life is wonderful, but of course a few people do die. I've noticed how
 thoughtful they are - they manage to die in alphabetical order.
%%
Life is wonderful, when you are conscious of the details.
%%
Life is wonderful. Without it, there would be no hockey.
%%
Life is wonderful. Without it, you wouldn't know me.
%%
Life is worth living, but only if we avoid the amusements of grown-up
people.
 -- Robert Lynd
%%
Life is worth much more than gold.
 -- Bob Marley
%%
Life it seems, will fade away...
%%
Life itself is the proper binge.
 -- Julia Child
%%
Life let us cherish, while yet the taper glows,
And the fresh flow'ret pluck ere it close;
Why are we fond of toil and care?
Why choose the rankling thorn to wear?
 -- J. M. Usteri (1763-1827)
 -- Life let us cherish
%%
Life ? Life is like a hot bath, feels great while you are in it, but the
 longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get
 -- Garfield
%%
Life like food, usually needs a little spice!
%%
Life.  Live it.  Love it.  Laugh at it.
%%
Life...loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
 -- Marvin, the Paranoid Android
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Life -- Love It or Leave It.
%%
Life may be a race, but do you really want to finish first?
%%
Life may have no meaning.
 Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.
%%
Life moves pretty fast; you don't stop and look around every once in a
 while, you could miss it.
 -- Matthew Broderick (in Ferris Bueller's Day Off,
 screenplay by John Hughes)
%%
Life must be a highway, cause I feel like road kill.
%%
:life: n. 1. A cellular-automata game invented by John Horton
   Conway and first introduced publicly by Martin Gardner
   ("Scientific American", October 1970); the game's popularity
   had to wait a few years for computers on which it could reasonably
   be played, as it's no fun to simulate the cells by hand.  Many
   hackers pass through a stage of fascination with it, and hackers at
   various places contributed heavily to the mathematical analysis of
   this game (most notably Bill Gosper at MIT, who even implemented
   life in {TECO}!; see {Gosperism}).  When a hacker mentions
   `life', he is much more likely to mean this game than the
   magazine, the breakfast cereal, or the human state of existence.
   2. The opposite of {USENET}.  As in "{Get a life!}"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LIFE, n.  A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.  We live
in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
The question, "Is life worth living?" has been much discussed;
particularly by those who think it is not, many of whom have written
at great length in support of their view and by careful observance of
the laws of health enjoyed for long terms of years the honors of
successful controversy.

    "Life's not worth living, and that's the truth,"
    Carelessly caroled the golden youth.
    In manhood still he maintained that view
    And held it more strongly the older he grew.
    When kicked by a jackass at eighty-three,
    "Go fetch me a surgeon at once!" cried he.
                                                             Han Soper
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Life often presents us with a choice of evils rather than of goods.
 -- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
Life only demands from you the strength you possess.
Only one feat is possible -- not to have run away.
 -- Dag Hammarskjold
%%
 "Life On Other Planets" by Edie Foanhoam
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Life on other planets is extinct because their scientists are more
advanced than ours.
%%
Life's a batch, and then your hard drive dies!
%%
Life's a beach!
%%
Life's a beach and someone keeps kicking sand in my face.
%%
Life's a beach, and then you dive...
%%
Life's a beach, and then you drown.
%%
Life's a beach, and then you dry.
%%
Life's A Beach And We're Just Surfing Time!
%%
Lifes a BEACH in SANDY EGGO!
%%
Life's a bitch, and life's got lots of sisters.
 -- Ross Presser
%%
Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat
%%
Life's a bitch, and then you diet!
%%
Life's a bitch, and then you're reincarnated.
%%
Life's a bitch, but I like my life
%%
Life's a bitch, but some of the puppies are cute.
%%
Life's a bitch--now so am I.
%%
Life's a bitch, then you marry one.
%%
Life's a bitch, time's a bastard, and death finishes it.
%%
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same.
%%
Life's a Cabaret... Long, dull, and full of Nazis.
 -- Howard the Duck
%%
Life's a CACHE, and then you FLUSH...
%%
Life's a glitch, then you play Shanghai too.
%%
Life's a joke, and we're the punchline.
%%
Life's a lemon, and I want my money back.
 -- Jim Steinman, Rock 'n Roll composer
%%
Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it.
%%
Life's a reach and then you gybe.
%%
Life's a rut, don't get caught in a deep one!
%%
Life's a shit sandwich and each day you take a bigger bite.
%%
Life's a tough job, and the hours are a bitch.
%%
Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
Life's a trip and then you run out of Travelers' Checks.
%%
Life's a virgin - bitches are too easy.
%%
Life's a Witch and then you Fly!
%%
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soor or late, the man who wins,
IS THE MAN WHO THINKS HE CAN.
 -- Walter W. Wintle
%%
Life's boring after 1000 years, so kill yerself!
%%
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any
swear words.
 -- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
 -- Anais Nin
%%
Life Six Feet Under: Doug Graves
%%
Life's just a mood ring we're not allowed to see.
%%
Life's Little Destruction Book #603. Quote Rush Limbaugh to feminists.
%%
Life's little mystery:  How can a two pound box of candy make you
gain 5 pounds?
%%
Life's not passing me by, it's running me over!
%%
Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were
to success when you gave up.
%%
Life's short, eat dessert first!!!
%%
Life's the same, except for the shoes.
 -- The Cars
%%
Life stinks. Fortunately, I've got a cold.
%%
Life's too short, and so are you!
 -- Hooper
%%
Life's too short for bad coffee.
%%
Life's too short for chess.
 -- Henry James Byron, Our Boys, Act I
%%
Life's too short not too laugh.
%%
Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
Life's too short to date ugly girls!
%%
Life's too short to swipe lousy taglines...
%%
Life's truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way.
%%
Lifestyles of the rich and PC compatible.
%%
Life sucks.
 -- Al Bundy from "Married with Children"
%%
Life sucks and then you marry one who won't.
%%
Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all....
 -- Thomas J. Kopp
%%
Life sucks, but Death swallows!
%%
Life sucks, but does it swallow?
%%
"Life sucks, but it's better than the alternative."
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
Life Sucks.  Cynical, misanthropic male, 34, looking for soul mate but certain
not to find her.  Drop me a note.  I'll call you, we'll talk and I'll ask you
out to dinner where I'll probably spend more than I can afford in a feeble
attempt to impress you.  Then we'll realize we have absolutely nothing in
common and we'll go our separate ways, more embittered and depressed than
before (if such a thing is possible).
%%
Life sucks - get a helmet!
%%
Life sucks...if she cooked, too, I'd marry her.
%%
Life's uncertain voyage.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Life support system warranty expired!!!
%%
Life?  Sure,I've got a life.  -<  C:\Life\*.*
%%
Life teems with quiet fun.
%%
Life that dares send
A challenge to his end,
And when it comes, say, Welcome, friend!
 -- Richard Crashaw (c. 1616-1650)
 -- Wishes to his Supposed Mistress
%%
Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a
 big rock half-buried in the ground.  You pull and you pull, but you can't get
 the rock out of the ground.  So you give it a good kick, but you lose your
 balance and go skidding down the hill toward the pool.  Then out comes a big
 Hawaiian man who was screwing his wife beside the pool because they thought it
 was real pretty.  He tells you to get out of there, but you start faking it,
 like you're talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and chases you...
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Life: Too many questions, too few answers.
%%
Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility
 -- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
%%
Life to you is a series of dashing and adventurous crises.
%%
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
%%
Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive.  One
must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
Life was not meant to be easy.
 -- Malcom Fraser
%%
Life wasn't too bad. The trouble with man was, even while he was having a
 good time, he didn't appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment
 might be the happiest in my life. The very thought of it made him
 miserable.
 -- Spike Milligan
%%
Life was so much easier before law school [SIGH]
%%
LIFE: Well, one thing led to another, and then we died.
%%
  Life! we 've been long together
Through pleasant and through cloudy weather;
  'T is hard to part when friends are dear,--
  Perhaps 't will cost a sigh, a tear;
  Then steal away, give little warning,
    Choose thine own time;
Say not "Good night," but in some brighter clime
    Bid me "Good morning."
 -- Mrs. Barbauld (1743-1825)
 -- Life
%%
Life without bears would be unbearable.
%%
Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.
 -- Sanka Ad
%%
Life without glasses is fuzzy-wonderful.
%%
Life without learning is death.
 -- Cicero
%%
Life without music would be an intolerable insult.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Life without the courage for death is slavery.
 -- Seneca
%%
Life without you would be like a broken pencil.
 How's that?
 Completely pointless.
 -- Blackadder, Series II
%%
Life with pets is never dull.
%%
:Life with UNIX: a Guide for Everyone:
Don Libes and Sandy Ressler
Prentice-Hall, 1989
ISBN 0-13-536657-7

The authors of this book set out to tell you all the things about UNIX
that tutorials and technical books won't.  The result is gossipy, funny,
opinionated, downright weird in spots, and invaluable.  Along the way
they expose you to enough of UNIX's history, folklore and humor to
qualify as a first-class source for these things.  Because so much of
today's hackerdom is involved with UNIX, this in turn illuminates many
of its in-jokes and preoccupations.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Life would be infinitely happier if could only be born at the age
of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
weren't for other people
 -- Blore
%%
Life would be so much easier if everyone read the manual.
%%
Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
%%
Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Life, you know, is rather like opening a tin of sardines. We are all of us
 looking for the key. And I wonder, how many of you here tonight have wasted
 years of your lives looking behind the kitchen dressers of this life for
 that key? I know I have. Others think they've found the key, don't they?
 They roll back the lid of the sardine tin of Life, they reveal the
 sardines, the riches of Life, therein, and they get them out, they enjoy
 them. But, you know, there's always a little bit in the corner you can't
 get out. I wonder--I wonder, is there a little bit in the corner of your
 life? I know there is in mine.
 -- Alan Bennett
%%
Lifting her skirt, she revealed her treasure. The mother lode. Pretty, I
thought, but is it art?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm iv, 6
%%
Light and warmth! That's necessary to all humanoids.
 -- Kirk, "The Cloud Minders," stardate 5818.4.
%%
Lighten up, dude! Life's too short....
%%
Lighten up guys! It was just a joke...
%%
Lighten up, while you still can,
Don't even try to understand,
Just find a place to make your stand,
And take it easy.
 -- The Eagles, "Taking It Easy"
%%
Lighten up! You take yourself much too seriously!
%%
LIGHTHOUSE, n.  A tall building on the seashore in which the
government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.
 -- Franklin
%%
Lighting an object which is already lit has profound ontological implications.
%%
Light is square; darkness is round.
%%
Light is useless without a dark to stick it in!
%%
Lightning can't hit us at this dist...
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Lightning & elephants do as they damn please!
%%
Lightning is one hell of a murder weapon -- and the best part is, it can't be
traced.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Lightning strikes the rod at the top of the Empire State Building about
fifty times a year.
%%
:light pipe: n. Fiber optic cable.  Oppose {copper}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Light Sabers--a part of living.
%%
Lights are on but nobody's home.
%%
Lights, camera, uh...uh...Spock, what's next?
%%
Light seeking light doth light of light beguile.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Lights not burning too bright.
%%
Lights of the world, and stars of human race.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Progress of Error, Line 97
%%
Light speed! Ridiculous speed! Ludicrous speed!
%%
Light travels at the speed of thought.
%%
:lightweight: adj. Opposite of {heavyweight}; usually found in
   combining forms such as `lightweight process'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lightweight: lighter than rugged.
%%
Like a bang, a boom-a-boomerang, dum-de-dum-dum, be-dum-de-dum-dum
 -- ABBA
%%
Like a dog, he hunts in dreams.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 79
%%
Like Aesop's fox, when he had lost his tail, would have all his fellow
foxes cut off theirs.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
Like a fair house, built on another man's ground.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Like a hog, or dog in the manger, he doth only keep it because it
shall do nobody else good, hurting himself and others.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 12
%%
Like all reputable surgeons, I charge by the pound...
 -- Ernie
%%
Like all women, she believed that rest and pleasure were bad for men.
 -- Fritz Leiber, "Swords and Ice Magic"
%%
Like all young men, you greatly exaggerate
the difference between one young woman and another.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Major Barbara"
%%
  Like almost all old [more than 70 years], large [more than 10,000 people]
institutions, the government did not get to be as successful as it is by acting
the way it does now.
 -- Paraphrased  by estell%fidler.decnet@nwc.navy.mil from the original
statement by Robert Townsend, in _Up the Organization._
%%
Like a loose-leaf folder in winter.
%%
Like a man made after supper of a cheese-paring: when a' was naked,
he was, for all the world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically
carved upon it with a knife.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Like a man to double business bound,
I stand in pause where I shall first begin,
And both neglect.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Like an angel rising up from the tomb.
%%
Like an arrow shot
From a well-experienc'd archer hits the mark
His eye doth level at.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Pericles
 -- Pericles, Act. i, Sc. 1
%%
Like any other appliance, it is possible to cook food to the point of
destruction.
 -- Sears Microwave Instruction Manual
%%
Like any writer, I'd rather be read than dead. Like any serious *author*, I'd
rather be dead than not read at all.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Like a pale martyr in his shirt of fire.
 -- Alexander Smith (1830-1867)
 -- A Life Drama, Sc. ii
%%
Like a shadow from the tomb...
%%
 (Like a sheep:)  Baaaaaaa.
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
Like a trip to the dentist. . .  you only go when
you have to, and you know it's gonna hurt.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 3.0 Chapter 3.  Stand-Alone Dump
%%
Like a young eagle who has lent his plume
To fledge the shaft by which he meets his doom,
See their own feathers pluck'd to wing the dart
Which rank corruption destines for their heart.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Corruption
%%
Like chocolate -- good to have around anytime!
%%
Like Doom? I've got some Beachfront property in Holland for you.
%%
Like Douglas conquer, or like Douglas die.
 -- John Home (1724-1808)
 -- Douglas, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Like following life through creatures you dissect,
You lose it in the moment you detect.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 20
%%
Like glimpses of forgotten dreams.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Two Voices, Stanza cxxvii
%%
Like hearts of oak.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, The Author's Prologue to the Fifth Book
%%
Like him in Aesop, he whipped his horses withal, and put his shoulder
to the wheel.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 1, Memb. 2
%%
..  Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST
 here in DUSSELDORF!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Like ice cream *&* computers? Get Haagen-DOS 6.0!
%%
Like If guns are outlawed,
the lawyer population will explode out of control.
%%
Like I said, It never hurts to ask!
%%
Like it hell, Mikey LOVES it!
%%
Like, I think my bottle absorbed my Beer, eh.
%%
Like it or not, America is inching toward the metric system.
 -- Boyle's Conundrum
%%
Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen's round
 metal hat.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Like jug, like lid
 -- Ingrained Serbian Proverb
%%
Like jumping off buildings? Henri La Mothe dove 40 feet from a building
in New York City into only 12.5 inches of water into a child's wading
pool in 1974.
%%
:like kicking dead whales down the beach: adj. Describes a slow,
   difficult, and disgusting process.  First popularized by a famous
   quote about the difficulty of getting work done under one of IBM's
   mainframe OSes.  "Well, you *could* write a C compiler in
   COBOL, but it would be like kicking dead whales down the beach."
   See also {fear and loathing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Like Latin, journalese is primarily a written language, prized for its
 incantory powers, and is best learned early while the mind is still supple.
 Every cub reporter, for instance, knows that fires rage out of control,
 minor mischief is perpetrated by vandals (never Visigoths, Franks, or one
 Vandal working alone), and key labor accords are hammered out by weary
 negotiators in marathon, round-the-clock bargaining sessions, thus narrowly
 averting threatened walkouts. The discipline required for a winter storm
 report is awesome. The first reference to seasonal precipitation is "snow,"
 followed by "the white stuff," then either "it" or "the flakes," but not
 both. The word snow may be used once again toward the end of the report,
 directly after discussion of ice-slicked roads and grim highway toll.
 -- John Leo
%%
Like leaves on trees the race of man is found,--
Now green in youth, now withering on the ground;
Another race the following spring supplies:
They fall successive, and successive rise.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vi, Line 181
%%
Like many of the finer things in life, sex often comes with a side of fries.
%%
Like many people, one of my secret suspicions is that permanent press isn't
 really.
%%
Like most endeavors, life is seriously over-advertised and under-funded
%%
Like most intellectuals, he is imensely stupid.
 -- Marquise de Merteuil
%%
Like my mom always said, "When your dad dies, then we'll be in heaven."
%%
Like my old skleenball coach used to say, "Find out what you don't do well,
 then don't do it."
 -- "Alf"
%%
Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer. It
doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches over
human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow His
precepts- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that. On the other
hand, I respect and envy the people who get inspiration from their religions.
 -- Benjamin Spock
%%
:like nailing jelly to a tree: adj. Used to describe a task thought
   to be impossible, esp. one in which the difficulty arises from
   poor specification or inherent slipperiness in the problem domain.
   "Trying to display the `prettiest' arrangement of nodes and arcs
   that diagrams a given graph is like nailing jelly to a tree,
   because nobody's sure what `prettiest' means algorithmically."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Like Niobe, all tears.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Like one
Who having into truth, by telling of it,
Made such a sinner of his memory,
To credit his own lie.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method
has a private
jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from non-practitioners.
 -- G. O. Ashley
%%
Like our shadows,
Our wishes lengthen as our sun declines.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night v, Line 661
%%
Like prehistoric cave dwellers, the devotees of electronic bulletin-boards and
"e-mail" have struggled to find a new way to express themselves. Wall painting
would not work. Words, it seems, are not enough. Inarticulate sounds cannot be
displayed on screens.  To make their messages feel more like personal contact,
they have hit on using the punctuation marks on an ordinary keyboard in order
to pull faces at each other. To read these signs, you have to put your head on
your left shoulder. The basic unit is:
      :-)
the "smiley", a standard smiling face. In context, this can mean "I'm happy to
hear from you", or other pleasantries.        The smiley can also wink:
      ;-)
Of course the possibilities are endless, and they have all been posted to the
net (a million times).
%%
Like punning, programming is a play on words.
%%
'Like putty in your hands' takes on a new and depressing meaning.
%%
Like rowers, who advance backward.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. i, Of Profit and Honesty
%%
Likes and dislikes are among my favourites
%%
Like sands in a swimsuit...so are the days of our lives.
%%
Likes dunking for french fries.
%%
Like sending owls to Athens, as the proverb goes.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Plato, xxxii
%%
Like sentinel and nun, they keep
  Their vigil on the green.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Cambridge Churchyard
%%
Like ships, that sailed for sunny isles,
  But never came to shore.
 -- Thomas K. Hervey (1799-1859)
 -- The Devil's Progress
%%
Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from
things she found in gift shops.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
%%
Like stones of worth, they thinly placed are,
Or captain jewels in the carcanet.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lii
%%
Like streams that keep a summer mind
  Snow-hid in Jenooary.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin'
%%
Like strength is felt from hope and from despair.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xv, Line 852
%%
Like summer friends,
Flies of estate and sunneshine.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Answer
%%
Like Teneriff or Atlas unremoved.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 987
%%
Like that one drawer in your kitchen ... full of all
kinds of unrelated stuff that winds up being necessary when you
least expect it.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 6.0 Chapter 6.  The Dump Grab Bag
%%
Like the best wine,... that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of
those that are asleep to speak.
 -- Old Testament
 -- The Song of Solomon vii, 9
%%
Like the driving of Jehu, the son of Nimshi: for he driveth furiously.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Kings ix, 20
%%
Like the man who threw a stone at a bitch, but hit his step-mother,
on which he exclaimed, "Not so bad!"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- On the Tranquillity of the Mind
%%
Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
Like the ski resort full of girls looking for husbands
 and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as
 symmetrical as it might seem.
 -- Alan McKay
%%
Like the stain'd web that whitens in the sun,
Grow pure by being purely shone upon.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Lalla Rookh, The Veiled Prophet of Khorassan
%%
Like the strawberry wives, that laid two or three great strawberries
at the mouth of their pot, and all the rest were little ones.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Apothegms, No, 54
%%
Like the time I ran away...

And turned around and you were standing close to me.
 -- YES (Going For The One/Awaken)
%%
Like the watermen that row one way and look another.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
Like to the Pontic sea,
Whose icy current and compulsive course
Ne'er feels retiring ebb, but keeps due on
To the Propontic and the Hellespont,
Even so my bloody thoughts, with violent pace,
Shall ne'er look back, ne'er ebb to humble love,
Till that a capable and wide revenge
Swallow them up.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Like two single gentlemen rolled into one.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- Lodgings for Single Gentlemen
%%
Like watermen, who look astern while they row the boat ahead.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Whether 't was rightfully said, Live Concealed
%%
LIKE:
 When being alive at the same time is a wonderful coincidence.
%%
Like will to like.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
%%
Liko, you don't want to kill me.
 -- Troi, "Who Watches the Watchers, stardate 43173.5
%%
Lillehammer: Adverse affect on men from steriod abuse.
%%
Lillehammer? You must have seen me swimming in cold water
%%
Limbaugh: Barney in human form.
%%
Limbaugh given emergency enema, finds other half of brain!
%%
Limbaugh got out of Viet Nam, too!
%%
Limbaugh: He failed with women, so now he attacks them.
%%
Limbaugh Loses Show: Now that's how I spell relief!
%%
Limbaugh moves in with girlfriend. Second seal opens tomorrow.
%%
Limbaugh: Opiate of the a$$es.
%%
Limbaugh: The best thing that ever happened to the Democrats.
%%
Limbaugh: The Ultimate Snake Oil Salesman
%%
Limbaugh Unties Other Half of Brain!  Becomes Liberal!
%%
Limbaugh: What happens when you feed a hog after midnight.
%%
Limbo: Place where arms and legs go when they die.
 -- Ray Hand
%%
"Limbo Slam": Large shot glass filled with 2 parts 7-UP and 1 part clear
rum.  Drink it like a Tequila popper - cover the glass with your hand,
slam it on a towel-covered table top and drink it before the fizz dies
out.
%%
Limericks are art forms complex,
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
They usually have virgins,
And masculine urgin's,
 And other erotic effects.
%%
Limited Nuclear War
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.
%%
Limiting myself to graphic language.
%%
Lincoln was only partially right; Clinton fooled enough people ONCE!
%%
Linda is a real master at making a long story short ... she interrupts me.
 -- Dave Berg
%%
LinDOS 1.0: (A)bort, (R)etry, (L)ocate Zero Room?
%%
"Lindsay, he's cut off from his chain of command, he's operating
alone, he's showing signs of pressure induced psychosis and he's
got a nuclear warhead.  All I'm asking is that you go a little
easy on him."
 -- The Abyss
%%
 Lindsey's not home now.  This is his domestic droid speaking.
 I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message,
 and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
:line 666: [from Christian eschatological myth] n. The notional
   line of source at which a program fails for obscure reasons,
   implying either that *somebody* is out to get it (when you are
   the programmer), or that it richly deserves to be so gotten (when
   you are not).  "It works when I trace through it, but seems to
   crash on line 666 when I run it."  "What happens is that whenever
   a large batch comes through, mmdf dies on the Line of the Beast.
   Probably some twit hardcoded a buffer size."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Linear Model:
 An assumption concerning the nature of reality applied
unquestioningly to every relationship as though God had determined
that truth must always run in straight lines.
%%
:line eater, the: [USENET] n. 1. A bug in some now-obsolete
   versions of the netnews software that used to eat up to BUFSIZ
   bytes of the article text.  The bug was triggered by having the
   text of the article start with a space or tab.  This bug was
   quickly personified as a mythical creature called the `line
   eater', and postings often included a dummy line of `line eater
   food'.  Ironically, line eater `food' not beginning with a space or
   tab wasn't actually eaten, since the bug was avoided; but if there
   *was* a space or tab before it, then the line eater would eat
   the food *and* the beginning of the text it was supposed to be
   protecting.  The practice of `sacrificing to the line eater'
   continued for some time after the bug had been {nailed to the
   wall}, and is still humorously referred to.  The bug itself is
   still (in mid-1991) occasionally reported to be lurking in some
   mail-to-netnews gateways.  2. See {NSA line eater}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LINEN, n.  "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp,
entails a great waste of hemp." -- Calcraft the Hangman.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Line noise courtesy of Security Intelligence Service wiretaps
%%
Line Noise! Ha, I don't get ****** NO CARRIER
%%
:line noise: n. 1. [techspeak] Spurious characters due to
   electrical noise in a communications link, especially an RS-232
   serial connection.  Line noise may be induced by poor connections,
   interference or crosstalk from other circuits, electrical storms,
   {cosmic rays}, or (notionally) birds crapping on the phone
   wires.  2. Any chunk of data in a file or elsewhere that looks like
   the results of line noise in sense 1.  3. Text that is
   theoretically a readable text or program source but employs syntax
   so bizarre that it looks like line noise in senses 1 or 2.  Yes,
   there are languages this ugly.  The canonical example is {TECO};
   it is often claimed that "TECO's input syntax is indistinguishable
   from line noise."  Other non-{WYSIWYG} editors, such as Multics
   `qed' and Unix `ed', in the hands of a real hacker, also
   qualify easily, as do deliberately obfuscated languages such as
   {INTERCAL}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Line noise provided by BellSouth, Inc.!
%%
Line noise provided by Bell Telephone!
%%
Line noise provided by GTE!
%%
Line noise provided by #%lecom Australia !
%%
Line noise provided by Telecom New Zealand!
%%
Line noise provided by Telecom & Optus competition!
%%
Line noise provided by the FBI's BBS monitoring service.
%%
Line noise provided by US Sprint!
%%
Line noise provided by U.S. West!
%%
Line noise?  What fh=.hElL is.LinS nfise?
%%
line of weakness: long involved explanation for not attempting a route.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Line Printer paper is always strongest at the perforations.
 -- Corry
%%
Lines are coming,
Blessing and fame draw near.
Good fortune.
%%
:line starve: [MIT] 1. vi. To feed paper through a printer the
   wrong way by one line (most printers can't do this).  On a display
   terminal, to move the cursor up to the previous line of the screen.
   "To print `X squared', you just output `X', line starve, `2', line
   feed."  (The line starve causes the `2' to appear on the line
   above the `X', and the line feed gets back to the original line.)
   2. n. A character (or character sequence) that causes a terminal to
   perform this action.  ASCII 0011010, also called SUB or control-Z,
   was one common line-starve character in the days before
   microcomputers and the X3.64 terminal standard.  Unlike `line
   feed', `line starve' is *not* standard {{ASCII}}
   terminology.  Even among hackers it is considered a bit silly.
   3. [proposed] A sequence such as \c (used in System V echo, as well
   as {{nroff}} and {{troff}}) that suppresses a {newline} or
   other character(s) that would normally be emitted.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LINE STARVE n. inverse of a line feed.
%%
"Lines that are parallel meet at Infinity!"
Euclid repeatedly, heatedly, urged.

Until he died, and so reached that vicinity:
in it he found that the damned things diverged.
 -- Piet Hein
%%
Linguists do it cunningly.
%%
LINGUISTS do it with their tongues.
%%
Linguists do it with words!
%%
:link-dead: [MUD] adj. Said of a {MUD} character who has frozen in
   place because of a dropped Internet connection.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:link farm: [UNIX] n. A directory tree that contains many links to
   files in a master directory tree of files.  Link farms save space
   when one is maintaining several nearly identical copies of the same
   source tree --- for example, when the only difference is
   architecture-dependent object files.  "Let's freeze the source and
   then rebuild the FROBOZZ-3 and FROBOZZ-4 link farms."  Link farms
   may also be used to get around restrictions on the number of
   `-I' (include-file directory) arguments on older
   C preprocessors.  However, they can also get completely out of
   hand, becoming the filesystem equivalent of {spaghetti
   code}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LINO: Last In, Never Out mode.
%%
lint(1) is the compiler's only means of dampening the programmer's ego.
%%
:lint: [from UNIX's `lint(1)', named for the bits of fluff it
   supposedly picks from programs] 1. vt. To examine a program closely
   for style, language usage, and portability problems, esp. if
   in C, esp. if via use of automated analysis tools, most esp. if
   the UNIX utility `lint(1)' is used.  This term used to be
   restricted to use of `lint(1)' itself, but (judging by
   references on USENET) it has become a shorthand for {desk check}
   at some non-UNIX shops, even in languages other than C.  Also as
   v. {delint}.  2. n. Excess verbiage in a document, as in "This
   draft has too much lint".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Linus: Hi!  I thought it was you.
I've been watching you from way off...  You're looking great!
Snoopy: That's nice to know.
The secret of life is to look good at a distance.
%%
Linus:  I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow.
Maybe we should think only about today. Charlie Brown:  No, that's
giving up.  I'm still hoping that yesterday will get better.
 -- Charles Schulz
%%
Linux: because a 486 is a terrible thing to waste...
%%
Linux IS user friendly. It's just not very promiscuous about whom
it's user friendly WITH.
 -- Button at Science Fiction Convention
%%
Linux, the choice of a GNU generation.
%%
Linux -- What *nix was meant to be.
%%
Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp..
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Lion died of shame in New York-Someone gave him a mohawk.
%%
Lionel: What's the difference between a teacher and an engineer?
Tyronne: A teacher trains minds; an engineer minds trains.
%%
:lion food: [IBM] n. Middle management or HQ staff (or, by
   extension, administrative drones in general).  From an old joke
   about two lions who, escaping from the zoo, split up to increase
   their chances but agree to meet after 2 months.  When they finally
   meet, one is skinny and the other overweight.  The thin one says:
   "How did you manage?  I ate a human just once and they turned out
   a small army to chase me --- guns, nets, it was terrible.  Since
   then I've been reduced to eating mice, insects, even grass."  The
   fat one replies: "Well, *I* hid near an IBM office and ate a
   manager a day.  And nobody even noticed!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lion Hunting: A contribution to the mathematical theory of big game hunting...

The following represents a mathematical method for capturing a lion in the
middle of the Sahara Desert:

* The Schrodinger method.
At any given moment, there is a positive probability that
there is a lion in the cage.  Sit down and wait.
%%
:Lions Book: n. "Source Code and Commentary on UNIX level 6",
   by John Lions.  The two parts of this book contained (1) the entire
   source listing of the UNIX Version 6 kernel, and (2) a commentary
   on the source discussing the algorithms.  These were circulated
   internally at the University of New South Wales beginning 1976--77,
   and were, for years after, the *only* detailed kernel
   documentation available to anyone outside Bell Labs.  Because
   Western Electric wished to maintain trade secret status on the
   kernel, the Lions book was never formally published and was only
   supposed to be distributed to affiliates of source licensees (it is
   still possible to get a Bell Labs reprint of the book by sending a
   copy of a V6 source license to the right person at Bellcore, but
   *real* insiders have the UNSW edition).  In spite of this, it
   soon spread by samizdat to a good many of the early UNIX
   hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lions do it with pride.
%%
Lions in the street and roaming,
Dogs in heat, rabid, foaming,
A beast caged in the heart of the city.
The body of his mother lying in the summer ground,
He fled the town.
Went down south across the border,
Left the chaos and disorder
Back there, over his shoulder.
One morning he awoke in a green hotel,
A strange creature groaning beside him.
Sweat oozed from its shiny skin.
Is everybody in? The ceremony is about to begin.
 -- Jim Morrison, "Celebration of the Lizard"
%%
Lions may not be taken to the theater in Maryland.
%%
Liposuction is permitted, but not as part of the talent competition.
 -- Rule #10 of the Miss America Pageant
 -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
Liposuction will destroy your FAT
%%
Lipton....The place where they make all that tea?
%%
Liquid lapse of murmuring streams.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 263
%%
Liquor? But I don't even know her!!!!
%%
Liquor in the front.  Poker in the rear.
%%
Liquor Sales Dip Blamed On Less Drinking - film at 11
%%
Liquor sellers do not drink; they hate to see you twice.
%%
Lisa, in this house we obey the Laws of Thermodynamics!
 -- H. Simpson
%%
Lisa:  "Mom, I'm scared."
Marge: "We all are, dear, but your father says everything is all right."
 -- "Call of the Simpsons", from The Simpsons
%%
Lisbon, Portugal * 351-1-7786640
%%
L is for Lovecraft, the man and the thought
%%
LISP -- An electric car. It's simple but slow.
Seat belts are not available.
%%
LISP car-and-cdr worlds are a more reasonable representation of the
things that make life interesting than fixed decimal(15) or
FILE OLDMSTR RECORD IS PAYROLL.
 -- Bernie Greenberg
%%
:LISP: [from `LISt Processing language', but mythically from
   `Lots of Irritating Superfluous Parentheses'] n. AI's mother
   tongue, a language based on the ideas of (a) variable-length lists
   and trees as fundamental data types, and (b) the interpretation of
   code as data and vice-versa.  Invented by John McCarthy at MIT in
   the late 1950s, it is actually older than any other {HLL} still
   in use except FORTRAN.  Accordingly, it has undergone considerable
   adaptive radiation over the years; modern variants are quite
   different in detail from the original LISP 1.5.  The dominant HLL
   among hackers until the early 1980s, LISP now shares the throne
   with {C}.  See {languages of choice}.

   All LISP functions and programs are expressions that return
   values; this, together with the high memory utilization of LISPs,
   gave rise to Alan Perlis's famous quip (itself a take on an Oscar
   Wilde quote) that "LISP programmers know the value of everything
   and the cost of nothing".

   One significant application for LISP has been as a proof by example
   that most newer languages, such as {COBOL} and {Ada}, are full
   of unnecessary {crock}s.  When the {Right Thing} has already
   been done once, there is no justification for {bogosity} in newer
   languages.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LISP hackers are thweet.
%%
Lisp hackers do it in cars.
%%
LISP hackers do it in lambda functions.
%%
LISP hackers do it with rplacd.
%%
Lisp hackers do it with tail recursion.
%%
Lisp hackers first do it in the front, then do it in the back.
%%
Lisp hackers have DEFUN while doing it.
%%
Lisp hackers have Moby dicks.
%%
Lisp in action is like a finely choreographed ballet.
 Basic in action is like a waltz of drugged elephants.
 C in action is like a sword dance on a freshly waxed floor.
%%
LISP is a recursive language--first you curse, then you recurse.
%%
LISP is written in TECO!
%%
LISP just wants to have fun.
%%
Lisp, Lisp, Lisp Machine,
Lisp Machine is Fun.
Lisp, Lisp, Lisp Machine,
Fun for everyone.
%%
Lisp makes your brain beautiful.
 -- Don@Gymble 2:20am
%%
Lisp programmers do it between the parentheses.
%%
Lisp programmers do it deeper and deeper and deeper.
%%
Lisp programmers do it recursively.
%%
LISP programmers do it without unexpected side effects.
%%
Lisp programmers have to be bound (to-do 'it)...
%%
LISP programmers have to stop and collect garbage.
%%
LISP-programmers say: "Guess how many parentheses are needed to do this!"
 Prolog-programmers say: "How can I do it in reasonable time ?"
 C-programmers say: "Can You guess what this->program does ?"
 Forth-programmers say: "third stack in is what Guess ?"
 Basic-'programmers' say: "Where did I goto hell ?"
 Fortran- and Cobol-slaves cry: "How can I do this ?"
%%
LISP - She is an aging beatnik, who lives in a rural commune with her hippie
cousins SMALLTALK and FORTH.  Many men (mostly college students) who have
visited the farmhouse,-- enthusiastically praise the natural food, and
perpetual love-ins that take place there.  Others criticize the long cooking
times, and the abnormal sexual postures (prefix and postfix). Although these
women seldom have full-time jobs, when they do work, their employers praise
them for their imagination, but usually not for their efficiency.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
%%
Lisp Users: Due to the holiday, there will be no garbage collection on Monday.
%%
List each check separately by bank number.
%%
Listen and attend with the ear of your heart.
 -- Saint Benedict
%%
Listen! And understand!  That terminator is out there.  It can't be
reasoned with, it can't be bargained with.  It doesn't know pity, or
remorse or fear.  And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are
dead...
%%
Listen carefully, I'm lying!
%%
Listen!
Do you smell something?
%%
Listen, have you seen the dolphins yet?
 -- Geordi
%%
Listening brings people together, explaining tears them apart.
 -- Charles McCabe
%%
List(en)ing by phone...
%%
Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.  The
friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward.  When we are
listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.
 -- Karl Menninger
%%
Listen intently while others are arguing the problem. Pounce on a
trite statement and bury them with it.
%%
"Listen.  Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is
no basis for a system of government!  Supreme executive power derives
from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic
ceremony!"
"Be quiet!"
"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause
some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
"Shut up!"
"I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor, just because
some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"
 -- Monty Python "Holy Grail"
%%
Listen: there's a hell of a good universe next door; let's go.
 -- EE Cummings (1894-1963)
%%
Listen to BOTH sides of their mouth!
%%
Listen to God:  This is just a dress rehersal!
%%
Listen to me, Lucy Moran, you just listen.  When the Tacoma Sperm Bank was
looking for donors, naturally I applied.  It's my civic duty and I like whales.
A routine physical examination revealed that I'm sterile.  Sure I thought it
meant that I didn't have to take a bath, but the doctors told me the truth.
They told me I can't have babies.  So what I wanna know now is why are you
having one and how?
 -- Deputy Andy Brennan, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Listen to men communicate rather than deny they are communicating.
%%
Listen to me now and understand me later.
%%
Listen to my heart beat!
%%
Listen to Rush Limbaugh, but DON'T buy from his sponsors.
%%
Listen to some music.
%%
Listen to the fools reproach!  It is a kingly title!
%%
Listen to the rhythm of crashing hard drives.
%%
Listen to the rhythm of the failing bits...
%%
LISTEN to your children.
%%
Listen to your heart.
%%
Listen to your instincts, and do the opposite.
%%
Listen to your intuition.  It will tell you everything you need to know.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Listen to your surroundings and yourself, instead of Jimmy Swaggert.
%%
Lister: Ah, the Pop-Up Karma Sutra, Zero-Gravity Edition!  That's mine.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Me^2'
%%
[Lister and Cat rapping]
We didn't come here looking for trouble
 We just came to do the Red Dwarf Shuffle
 He's smart...
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Backwards'
%%
Lister: Come on, what are you, a man or a munchkin?
Rimmer: I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.
 -- Red Dwarf 'Parallel Universe'
%%
Lister: He's read every book in the Medical Library?
Kryten: In under three hours.  The change is quite astonishing.  Sir, I
        feel I should warn you: this is not the pile of human wreckage we
        know as Arnold Rimmer.  Er, mm, prepare yourself, sir, um, we've
        recieved the coordinates.  Perhaps we should, huh, um, be 'making
        tracks'.
%%
Lister, if two people came to you for a job, and one of them's dead,
which one would you choose?
 -- Rimmer in Red Dwarf 'Queeg'
%%
Lister: Is it me, or are those frogs saying 'useless'?
Frogs:  Useless, useless, Rimmer, you're useless.
Cat:    Hey, look at this! You've got a huge great blood-sucking leech
        on your neck. (rips it off) It's got a human face!
Lister: It's Rimmer's mum!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Terrorform'
%%
Lister: Lemon juice? (holds up canister)
Cat:    What the hell is that?
Lister: It's a syringe.
Cat:    What kind of syringe?
Lister: It's for cows -- artificial insemination.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Polymorph'
%%
Lister: Lister to Red Dwarf.  The intruder seems to be blissfully unaware
        that we have a holo-whip in the munitions cabinet.  And I think,
        once his derierre is minced like burger meat, he's going to be
        history in two seconds flat.
Binks:  Binks to Enlightenment.  Recon mission complete.  Transmit, with
        speed.  Enlightenment, quickly please.
%%
Lister: Lister to Red Dwarf.  We have a Binks, a complete smeg-pot.
        Brains: in the anal region.  Chin: absent, presumed missing.
        Genetalia: small and offensive.  Of no value or interest.
Binks:  Binks to Enlightenment.  Evidence of primitive humor.  The human
        has knowledge of irony, satire, and immitation.  With patient
        tuition could maybe master simple tasks.
Lister: Lister to Red Dwarf.  Displays evidence of spoiling for a rumble.
        Seems unable to grasp simple threats.  With carefull pummeling
        could possible be sucking somebodies lunch through a straw.
Binks:  Binks to Enlightenment.  The human is under the delusion that he
        is somehow able to bestow physical violence on a hologram.
%%
Lister: Look at what he's given me for dinner: a pea on toast.  One pea.
        I tell you, I'm that far from cracking.  (goes to squish the pea;
        it snaps away) I've lost my pea! Oh, that's it! I've cracked.
Rimmer: He's just doing this to destroy your morale.
Lister: Is he?  Well, I want my pea back. It's my pea. I earned that pea.
        Where is it?  I don't care if it's on the floor all covered in fluff,
        if it's under the bed with my toenail clippings, I don't care where
        it is -- it's my pea, I earned it, and I'm going to eat it no matter
        what!
Rimmer: It flew off into your dirty-sock basket.
Lister: I'll just have the toast.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Queeg'
%%
Lister: Love is what separates us from animals
Rimmer: No, Lister -- what separates us from animals is that we don't use our
        tongues to clean our own genitals.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Confidence and Paranoia'
%%
Lister: No way are these my boxer shorts -- these bend!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Kryten'
%%
Lister: The wacked-out crazy hippy drummer is called Dobbin.  He joined the
        police force in the end -- became a Grand Wizard in the Freemasons.
        The bass is called Gazza.  He was a neo-marxist nihilistic anarchist.
        Eventually he joined a large insurance company and got his own parking
        space.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Timeslides'
%%
Lister: Well, if you've got some amazing secret plan up your sleeve, Kryten,
        now's the time to mention it.
Kryten: No plan, sir -- no sleeves.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Inquisitor'
%%
Lister: We're on a mining ship, three million years into deep space.  Can
        someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?
Cat:    Hey, it's not a good night unless you get a traffic cone!  It's the
        policewoman's helmet and the suspenders I don't understand!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'The Last Day'
%%
Lister: We used to be your shipmates.
Rimmer: Only ... we've forgotten you.
Lister: Yeah.
Rimmer: [to Cat] Well, I don't know about you, but I'm convinced.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Inquisitor'
%%
Lister:  We want no muffins, no toast, no tea cakes, no buns, baps, baggets
         or bagels. No croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes,
         and no hot cross buns. And definitely no smegging flapjacks!
Toaster: Ah! So you're a waffle man!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'White Hole'
%%
Lister: Why do we never meet anyone nice?
Cat:    Why is it we never meet anyone who can shoot straight?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Quarantine'
%%
Lister: You guys have got to be yanking my chain!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Demons and Angels'
%%
Lister: You see I try sir.  I'm not an insubordinate man by nature.  I
        try and respect Rimmer, but it's not easy because he's such a
        smeghead.
Rimmer: Did you hear that sir?  Lister, do you have any conception of
    the penalty for describing a superior technician as a
 smeghead?
Todhunter: Oh Rimmer, you are a smeghead.
 -- Red Dwarf 'The End'
%%
LIST - The ultimate DOS utility!
%%
Lite beer on tap! So that's where it goes after you flush the troff.
%%
Literary critics, like a herd of cows or a school of fish, always face in the
same direction, obeying that love for unity that every critic requires.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Literary men are... a perpetual priesthood.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- State of German Literature, Edinburgh Review, 1827
%%
Literature cannot be the business of a woman's life, and it ought not to
 be. The more she is engaged in her proper duties, the less leisure she will
 have for it, even as an accomplishment and recreation. To those duties you
 have not yet been called, and when you are you will be less eager for
 celebrity.
 -- Robert Southey (to Charlotte Bronte)
%%
Literature is the grindstone to sharpen the coulters, and to whet
their natural faculties.
 -- Hammond
%%
Literature is the Thought of thinking Souls.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Sir Walter Scott, London and Westminster Review, 1838
%%
Literature, like anything else, can become a wearisome business if you make a
lifetime specialty of it. A healthy, wholesome man would no more spend his
entire life reading great books than he would packing cookies for Nabisco.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
:literature, the: n. Computer-science journals and other
   publications, vaguely gestured at to answer a question that the
   speaker believes is {trivial}.  Thus, one might answer an
   annoying question by saying "It's in the literature."  Oppose
   {Knuth}, which has no connotation of triviality.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lite Year: Low calorie year!
%%
Lithium is no longer available on credit.
 -- "Buckaroo Banzai"
%%
:lithium lick: n. [NeXT] n. Steve Jobs.  Employees who have gotten
   too much attention from their esteemed founder are said to have
   `lithium lick' when they begin to show signs of Jobsian fervor and
   repeat the most recent catch phrases in normal conversation --- for
   example, "It just works, right out of the box!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LITIGANT, n.  A person about to give up his skin for the hope of
retaining his bones.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Litigants obey the verdict of a tribunal solely on the premise that there is
an objective rule of conduct.     Now I saw that one man was to be bound by
it, but the other was not, one was to obey a rule, the other was to assert
an arbitrary wish -- his need -- and the law was to stand on the side of the
wish.  Justice was to consist of upholding the unjustifiable.
 -- Judge Narragansett
%%
LITIGATION, n.  A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of
as a sausage.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Litigious terms, fat contentions, and flowing fees.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Tractate of Education
%%
Littering is dumb.
 -- Ronald Macdonald
%%
Little Bitty Froggies: Tad Pole
%%
Little bo-peep has lost her sheep...
 -- Nursery rhyme
%%
Little boy blue, come blow your horn,...
 -- Nursery rhyme
%%
Little boy, don't put your finger in that dyke!
%%
Little Boy Lost--He takes himself so seriously. He brags at his
    misery.  He likes to live dangerously.
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
Little boys love machines; girls adore horses; grown-up men and women like to
walk.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Little can be said for Luxembourg.
%%
Little deeds of kindness, little words of love,
Help to make earth happy like the heaven above.
 -- Julia A. Fletcher
 -- Little Things, 1845
%%
Little drops of water, little grains of sand,
Make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land.
So the little minutes, humble though they be,
Make the mighty ages of eternity.
 -- Julia A. Fletcher
 -- Little Things, 1845
%%
"Little else matters than to write good code."
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
:little-endian: adj. Describes a computer architecture in which,
   within a given 16- or 32-bit word, bytes at lower addresses have
   lower significance (the word is stored `little-end-first').  The
   PDP-11 and VAX families of computers and Intel microprocessors and
   a lot of communications and networking hardware are little-endian.
   See {big-endian}, {middle-endian}, {NUXI problem}.  The
   term is sometimes used to describe the ordering of units other than
   bytes; most often, bits within a byte.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Little joys refresh us constantly, like house-bread, and never bring
disgust; and great ones, like sugar-bread, briefly, and then bring it.
 -- Richter
%%
Little kids are tough. I saw a little kid, I gave him an orange. His mother
 said, "What do you say to the man?" The kid looked at me and said, "Peel
 it."
 -- Bill Barner
%%
Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the
parents off the streets.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise
above them.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet...
 -- Nursery rhyme
%%
[Little old lady at US immigration]
 Official: Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by violence or
subversion?
 Little old lady:  [Pause for thought]  Violence, I think.
%%
Little orange sticker seen above toilet at Arizona State
 University in one of the bathrooms in the Engineering dept.:

 One free goldfish with purchase of this bowl

 (Evidently somebody removed it from a fishbowl)
%%
Little Pig, Little Pig  LET ME IN....
%%
Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the laws of
nature are constantly broken for their sakes.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Little progress can be made merely by repressing what is bad. Our
great hope lies in developing what is good.
%%
Little red choo-choo's gone chugging 'round the bend /
%%
Little Red Riding Hood is a Russian contraceptive.
%%
Little Red Riding Hood - Scum Killer
%%
Little rivers which run into the Nile, Juveniles.
%%
Little said is soonest mended.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
Little strokes fell great oaks.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
Little things affect little minds.
%%
Little white lies are for golfers.
%%
Little Willie,
 Brand new skates.
 Hole in ice,
 Pearly gates.
%%
 "Little Women" by Barbie Dahl
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Live a life worthy of the things that will be said of you when you're dead.
 -- Ambidextrous Rex
%%
Live all you can; it's a mistake not to. It doesn't so much matter what you
 do in particular, so long as you have your life. If you haven't had that,
 what have you had?
 -- Henry James
%%
Live and learn; always ask for ID on the First Date!
%%
Live and learn; die and forget it all.
%%
Live and let live.
 -- Scottish proverb
%%
Live and scratch. When you die, the itching will stop.
%%
Live and work but do not forget to play,
to have fun in life and really enjoy it.
 -- Eileen Caddy, from the Dawn of Change
%%
Live before you die.
%%
Live by the sword, die by the long bow.
%%
:live data: n. 1. Data that is written to be interpreted and takes
   over program flow when triggered by some un-obvious operation, such
   as viewing it.  One use of such hacks is to break security.  For
   example, some smart terminals have commands that allow one to
   download strings to program keys; this can be used to write live
   data that, when listed to the terminal, infects it with a
   security-breaking {virus} that is triggered the next time a
   hapless user strikes that key.  For another, there are some
   well-known bugs in {vi} that allow certain texts to send
   arbitrary commands back to the machine when they are simply viewed.
   2. In C code, data that includes pointers to function {hook}s
   (executable code).  3. An object, such as a {trampoline}, that is
   constructed on the fly by a program and intended to be executed as
   code.  4. Actual real-world data, as opposed to `test data'.
   For example, "I think I have the record deletion module
   finished."  "Have you tried it out on live data?"  This usage usually
   carries the connotation that live data is more fragile and must not
   be corrupted, or bad things will happen.  So a more appropriate
   response to the above claim might be: "Well, make sure it works
   perfectly before we throw live data at it."  The implication here
   is that record deletion is something pretty significant, and a
   haywire record-deletion module running amok on live data would
   probably cause great harm.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Live each day as if it were Friday.
%%
Live each day to the fullest.  It may be your last.
%%
Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right.
%%
Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!
 -- The Squirrels' Motto ("The Hell's Angels of Nature")
%%
Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse.
 -- John Derek (in Knock on Any Door, screenplay by Willard Motley)
%%
Live fast, fight hard, and have a beautiful death...
%%
Live free or die!
%%
:Live Free Or Die!: imp. 1. The state motto of New Hampshire, which
   appears on that state's automobile license plates.  2. A slogan
   associated with UNIX in the romantic days when UNIX aficionados saw
   themselves as a tiny, beleaguered underground tilting against the
   windmills of industry.  The "free" referred specifically to
   freedom from the {fascist} design philosophies and crufty
   misfeatures common on commercial operating systems.  Armando
   Stettner, one of the early UNIX developers, used to give out fake
   license plates bearing this motto under a large UNIX, all in New
   Hampshire colors of green and white.  These are now valued
   collector's items.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Live Free or Live in Massachusettes.
%%
Live free or WISH you had
 -- Gail L. Grant grant@pa.dec.com
%%
Live from New York, it's SATURDAY NIGHT!
%%
Live from Omaha - ... I'm bored!!!
%%
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
%%
Live in fragments no longer.  Only connect.
 -- Edward Morgan Forster
%%
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed
to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Live in the past and future only.
%%
Live Lent in the fast lane.
%%
Live life as though someone is writing a book about you.
%%
Live life to the fullest.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
:livelock: /li:v'lok/ n. A situation in which some critical stage
   of a task is unable to finish because its clients perpetually
   create more work for it to do after they have been serviced but
   before it can clear its queue.  Differs from {deadlock} in that
   the process is not blocked or waiting for anything, but has a
   virtually infinite amount of work to do and can never catch up.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Live long and orgasm.
%%
Live Long and Perspire.
%%
Live long and pros... OUCH! Damned Arthritis!
%%
Live long and Prosper,... (belch) 'scuse me.
%%
Live long and prosper... But don't let the IRS know.
%%
Live long and prosper. It's logical.
%%
Live long and suffer  - ancient Vulcan curse.
%%
Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is
published around the world -- even if what is published is not true.
 -- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
Live now.  There'll be plenty of time to be dead later.
%%
Live or die, I'll make a million.
 -- Reebus Kneebus,
 -- before his jump to the center of the earth, Firesign Theater
%%
Liver: A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious
 with.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
LIVER, n.  A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be
bilious with.  The sentiments and emotions which every literary
anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to
infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side
of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte."  It was at one time
considered the seat of life; hence its name -- liver, the thing we
live with.  The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it
that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg _pate_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Live simply, that others might simply live.
 -- Elizabeth Seaton
%%
Lives in La-la-land.
%%
Lives like a drunken sailor on a mast,
Ready with every nod to tumble down.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Lives of great men all remind us
  We can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
  Footprints on the sands of time.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- A Psalm of Life
%%
Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to.
 -- Arnold H. Glasgow
%%
Live to be the show and gaze o' the time.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 8
%%
Live today; you can always procrastinate tomorrow.
%%
Live to learn... forget... and learn again.
 -- Brian
%%
Live to ride...Ride to live!
%%
Live truth instead of professing it.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
LIVE! Via modem . . .
%%
Live! Via modem... It's Saturday Night Taglines.
%%
:liveware: /li:v'weir/ n. 1. Synonym for {wetware}.  Less
   common.  2. [Cambridge] Vermin. "Waiter, there's some liveware in
   my salad..."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Live while ye may,
Yet happy pair.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 533
%%
Live while you live, the epicure would say,
And seize the pleasures of the present day;
Live while you live, the sacred preacher cries,
And give to God each moment as it flies.
Lord, in my views, let both united be:
I live in pleasure when I live to thee.
 -- Philip Doddridge (1702-1751)
 -- Epigram on his Family Arms
%%
Live Wild or Die!
%%
Live within your income...even if you have to borrow to do so.
 -- Billing's Law
%%
Live with the gods.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, v, 27
%%
Live with wolves, and you will learn how to howl.
%%
Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you
will live along some distant day into your answers.
 -- Rainer Maria Rilke
%%
Living Dead
the path is
chosen, to live forever is to die
forever.

To not know when you'll
die
is to find
life
wherever you are.
 -- Alagad
%%
Living examples of Artificial (and Inept) Intelligence.
%%
Living from hand to mouth.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Part iv
%%
Living in a vacuum sucks.
 -- Adrienne E. Gusoff
%%
Living in California adds ten years to a man's life. And those extra ten
 years I'd like to spend in New York.
 -- Harry Ruby
%%
Living in Dubbo is about as interesting as watching a plank warp.
%%
Living in Hollywood is like living in a bowl of granola.
What ain't fruits and nuts is flakes.
%%
Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.
 -- Candice Bergen
%%
Living in New York City gives people real incentives
to want things that nobody else wants.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
Living in the fast lane gets you to the other end rapidly.
%%
Living in the lap of luxury isn't bad,
except you never know when luxury is going to stand up.
%%
Living in the past has one thing in its favour - it's cheap.
%%
Living is a dangerous business, and simple pleasures should not be
denied. I for one plan to enjoy my fettuccine Alfredo.
 -- Gabe Mejias
%%
Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The
moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely
knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.
 -- Agnes de Mille
%%
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
 -- The Beatles
%%
Living life naturally, naked.
%%
Living on earth is better than loafing around Hades.
%%
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it
 includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
%%
Living on Ramen, Vitamin C, and Caffeine...
%%
Living poor is best left to those with no money.
%%
Living proof that beautiful mutants exist among us.
%%
Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
%%
Living saint--please tempt.
%%
Living: The best demonstration of victory over mortality.
%%
Living well is the best revenge.
 -- George Herbert
%%
Living with a saint is more grueling than being one.
 -- Robert Neville
%%
Living without hallucinations is like breathing
 with only one nostril.
 -- Wisdom from a dying Weisshaupt in CEREBUS
%%
Living without OS/2 is a sin !!
%%
Living with saints is tougher than being one.
%%
Living with the lame and learning to limp.
%%
Living your life according to the Bible is like trying to fix your
 stereo by using toaster instructions.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been
 attempted before.
%%
Lizard Invasion   Newts at eleven
%%
Lizzie Borden.... America's FIRST hacker!
%%
Lizzie Borden didn't need no stinkin' gun!
%%
Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks;
When she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one!
 -- Lizzie Borden was acquitted of murdering her father
 -- and stepmother on 4 Aug. 1892 in Fall River, Massachusetts
%%
Lizzie Borden took an axe, And plunged it deep into the VAX; Don't you envy
people who Do all the things YOU want to do?
%%
Lizzye Borden:  The original hacker...
%%
LJD: Lock Job on Disk
%%
Lk#s9$ alkj --Oops! Sorry, fell asleep on the keyboard.
%%
Llamas are larger than frogs.
 -- Monty Python
%%
LL.D.  Letters indicating the degree _Legumptionorum Doctor_, one
learned in laws, gifted with legal gumption.  Some suspicion is cast
upon this derivation by the fact that the title was formerly _LL.d._,
and conferred only upon gentlemen distinguished for their wealth.  At
the date of this writing Columbia University is considering the
expediency of making another degree for clergymen, in place of the old
D.D. -- _Damnator Diaboli_.  The new honor will be known as _Sanctorum
Custus_, and written _$$c_.  The name of the Rev. John Satan has been
suggested as a suitable recipient by a lover of consistency, who
points out that Professor Harry Thurston Peck has long enjoyed the
advantage of a degree.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
L: Lie!
%%
Lloyd M. Bentsen, Senator (Tex.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
LMB: Lose Message and Branch
%%
LMO: Load and Mug Operator
%%
LMYB: Logical MaYBe
%%
LN      Lose inode Number [UNIX]
%%
LNP: Load N digits of Pi
%%
Load EXXON.SYS to screw up your environment.
%%
Load it, run it,  guru it?
%%
Load PICARD.COM? (M)AKE IT SO or (B)ELAY THAT ORDER
%%
Load Tagline.nlm per prescribed parameters.
%%
Load vrepair.nlm, squeeze red manual, and pray. Taglines Anonymous.
%%
Loafer-- someone trying to make two weekends meet.
%%
Loan-department manager:  There isn't any fine print.
At these interest rates, we don't need it.
%%
Loan someone a sympathetic ear.
%%
Lobbyists threatening to withhold campaign contributions from
 lawmakers who don't support their special-interest causes could
 be violating bribery laws, Colorado House Speaker Bev Bledsoe
 warned yesterday.
 -- The Denver Post, 3 May 1990, p. 1B
%%
:lobotomy: n. 1. What a hacker subjected to formal management
   training is said to have undergone.  At IBM and elsewhere this term
   is used by both hackers and low-level management; the latter
   doubtless intend it as a joke.  2. The act of removing the
   processor from a microcomputer in order to replace or upgrade it.
   Some very cheap {clone} systems are sold in `lobotomized' form
 -- -- everything but the brain.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lobster:
  Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the
only proper method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to
eliminate your guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial
before they're cooked.  The fact is, lobsters are among the most
ferocious predators on the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime
in the reefs.  Grasp the lobster behind the head, look it right in its
unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of
the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout,
"Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a
memory!"  The lobster will squirm noticeably.  It may even take a swipe
at you with one of its claws.  Incorrigible.  Pop it into the pot.
Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be,
too.
 -- Dave Barry, "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and Utensils
 -- into Excuses and Apologies"
%%
Lobsters don't feel pain when you chop them up, fetuses do!
%%
Lobsters love Limbaugh and Limbaugh loves lobsters.
%%
Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with truffle pate', brandy and spam.
%%
Local Area Network : A UHF television station that carries high
school sporting events.
%%
Local Area Network (LAN):
 High-tech cousin of the mainframe nominally designed to allow people
 to share information and snoop into personal letters and resumes queued
 for the laser printer. True rationale is to (a) sell hardware, and (b)
 build data processing (DP) empires. When a DP operation runs smoothly,
 it gets no attention from money-laden-management. LAN's purchased by
 "technology visionaries" to "increase power and future capacity"
 guarantee anomalous problems for years to come. Tech-terrified
 managersare told that bonuses "to keep our valuable people" and more
 hardware budget are the only solutions to the problems. Blackmail buys
 electronic mail.
%%
Local Bus....taking us all for a ride!!!
%%
Local man accused of sexually harassing a cucumber, film at 11.
%%
... Local prohibitions cannot block advances in military and commercial
technology... Democratic movements for local restraint can only restrain
the world's democracies, not the world as a whole.
 -- K. Eric Drexler
%%
:locals, the: pl.n. The users on one's local network (as opposed, say,
   to people one reaches via public Internet or UUCP connects).  The
   marked thing about this usage is how little it has to do with
   real-space distance. "I have to do some tweaking on this mail
   utility before releasing it to the locals."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Located across from Rush Limbaugh's Charm School
%%
Located next door to the Rush Limbaugh abortion clinic.
%%
Located next to the Rob Lowe Teen Dating Center.
%%
LOCK-AND-KEY, n.  The distinguishing device of civilization and
enlightenment.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:locked and loaded: [from military slang for an M-16 rifle with
   magazine inserted and prepared for firing] adj. Said of a removable
   disk volume properly prepared for use --- that is, locked into the
   drive and with the heads loaded.  Ironically, because their heads
   are `loaded' whenever the power is up, this description is never
   used of {{Winchester}} drives (which are named after a rifle).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:locked up: adj. Syn. for {hung}, {wedged}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lock feminizts in your basement and have a whine cellar.
%%
Lock on to that explosion and fire!
%%
Locksmiths can get into anything.
%%
Locks only keep honest people out.
%%
"Lock the door."
 -- Han
"And *HOPE* they don't have blasters."
 -- Leia
%%
Lock up your libraries if you like, but there is no gate, no lock,
no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.
 -- Virginia Woolf
%%
Locomotive: An insane reason to commit a crime.
 -- Johnny Hart ("BC")
%%
Locutus: "A futile manuever.  Incorrect strategy, Number One, to risk your crew
  and ship to retrieve only one man.  Picard would never have approved.  You
  underestimate us, if you believe this abduction is any concern."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Locutus: "I am Locutus, of Borg.  Your life, as it has been, is over.
 From this
  time forward, you will service...*us*."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Locutus: "The android, Data, primitive artificial organism.  You will be
  obsolete in the new world order."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Locutus: "The knowledge and experience of the human, Picard, is part of us now.
  It has prepared us for all possible courses of action."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Locutus: "There is no need for apprehension.  I intend no harm...no harm.  I
  will continue aboard this ship to speak for the Borg while they continue,
  without further diversion, to Sector 001, where they will force your
  unconditional surrender."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Locutus to Pontiac: Excitement is Irrelevant.
%%
Locutus to replicator: Pennzoil, 40 weight, hot.
%%
Locutus: "Worf, Klingon species, a warrior race.  You too will be assimilated."
Worf: "The Klingon Empire will never yield!"
Locutus: "Why do you resist?  We only wish to raise quality of life for all
  species."
Worf: "I like my *'species'* the way it is!"
Locutus: "A narrow vision.  You will become one with the Borg.  You will all
  become one with the Borg."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Locutus: "Your resistence is hopeless...Number One."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate Unknown
%%
LODGER, n.  A less popular name for the Second Person of that
delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lofty designs must close in like effects.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Grammarian's Funeral
%%
Loggers don't need job retraining Clinton does.
%%
LOGICAL [from the technical term "logical device", wherein a physical
device is referred to by an arbitrary name] adj. Understood to have
a meaning not necessarily corresponding to reality.  E.g., if a
person who has long held a certain post (e.g., Les Earnest at SAIL)
left and was replaced, the replacement would for a while be known
as the "logical Les Earnest".  The word VIRTUAL is also used.  At
SAIL, "logical" compass directions denote a coordinate system in
which "logical north" is toward San Francisco, "logical west" is
toward the ocean, etc., even though logical north varies between
physical (true) north near SF and physical west near San Jose.
(The best rule of thumb here is that El Camino Real by definition
always runs logical north-and-south.)
%%
... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and
legally ... impeccable!
%%
LOGICAL OPERATION - getting out of programming to marry rich.
%%
Logical solutions are not always the most obvious.
%%
Logical Thought
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.
You admit that?
To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor.
 -- Spock and McCoy, "A Piece of the Action," stardate unknown.
%%
Logic: an instrument used for bolstering a prejudice.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
:logic bomb: n. Code surreptitiously inserted into an application or
   OS that causes it to perform some destructive or
   security-compromising activity whenever specified conditions are
   met.  Compare {back door}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Logic doesn't apply to the real world.
 -- Marvin Minsky
%%
Logicians do it consistently and completely.
%%
Logicians do it or they do not do it.
%%
Logicians have but ill defined
As rational the human kind.
Logic, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Logic indicates that we should run like hell!!
%%
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
%%
Logic is a means of CONFIDENTLY being wrong.
%%
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
 -- Kettering's Observation
%%
 Logic is a systematic method of coming
to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
 -- Manly's Maxim
%%
Logic is a tweeting bird, chirping in your ear.
Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers that smell bad.
 -- Star Trek, `I, Mudd`
%%
Logic is in the eye of logician.
 -- Gloria Steinem
%%
Logic is like the sword- those who appeal to it shall perish by it.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
Logic is neither an art or a science but a dodge.
%%
Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end.
%%
Logic is the chastity belt of the mind!
%%
Logic is the soul of wit, not of wisdom; that's why wit is funny.
 -- Lincoln Steffens
%%
Logic merely allows one to be wrong with authority.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
LOGIC, n.  The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with
the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.  The
basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor
premise and a conclusion -- thus:
    _Major Premise_:  Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as
quickly as one man.
    _Minor Premise_:  One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds;
therefore --
    _Conclusion_:  Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.
    This may be called the syllogism arithmetical, in which, by
combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are
twice blessed.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
LOGIC PROGRAMMERS do it with unification/resolution
%%
Logic says we're dead....
 -- Avon
Logic has never defined what dead is....
 -- Blake
%%
Logic:  The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with
the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Logic -
the principle on which all computers are built, but none seem to run under.
%%
Login incorrect
login:
%%
LOGIN PROCEEDING. LOGIN PROCEEDING.
%%
LOGO - A grade-school art teacher.  She is just the kind of teacher that you
wish you had when you were young.  She is shapely and patient, but not an
interesting conversationalist.  She can cook up delicious kiddie snacks, but
not full-course meals.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
LOGO -- A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real
engine and a working horn.
%%
LOGO:  Language Old;  Gone Obsolete.
%%
LOGOMACHY, n.  A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds
punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem -- a kind of contest in
which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is
denied the reward of success.

    'Tis said by divers of the scholar-men
    That poor Salmasius died of Milton's pen.
    Alas! we cannot know if this is true,
    For reading Milton's wit we perish too.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Loitering with intent to hesitate.
%%
Loke who that is most vertuous alway,
Prive and apert, and most entendeth ay
To do the gentil dedes that he can,
And take him for the gretest gentilman.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Wif of Bathes Tale, Line 6695
%%
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins.  My sin, my soul.
%%
Lollapalooza II - August 11th - Jones Beach!!!
%%
Lolly, lolly, lolly, get your adverbs here...
%%
LON: a large feline.  "The lon is the king of the jungle!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Loneliness begins when the spaces are filled.
 -- The Tao of Pooh.
%%
Loneliness is a strong predictor of heart disease.
%%
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
%%
Loneliness is the poverty of the self.  Solitude is the richness of the self.
 -- May Sarton
%%
Lonely is a man without love.
 -- Englebert Humperdinck
%%
Lonely is the programer with a debuged program.
%%
Lonely men seek companionship.  Lonely women sit at home and wait.
They never meet.
%%
Lonely, Worf seeks a Dog/Turtle hybrid for companionship.
%%
Long ago I proposed that unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency
be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum.
The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "A Carnival of Buncombe"
%%
LONGANIMITY, n.  The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance
while maturing a plan of revenge.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
%%
Long Distance is sometimes just next door.
%%
Long-distance runners do it on a predetermined route.
%%
Long distance runners last longer.
%%
Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's
 character before marriage, which is never advisable.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Longevity, like intelligence and good looks and health and strength of
character, is largely a matter of genetic heritage. Choose your parents with
care.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
LONGEVITY, n.  Uncommon extension of the fear of death.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Long experience has taught me that in America, no one goes to the theater
 to watch a movie unless they are in the final stages of bronchitis.
%%
Long-Island Expressway
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Long is the way
And hard, that out of hell leads up to light.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 432
%%
Long jumpers do it with a running start.
%%
Long-legged girls are fascinating - built for walking through grass.
%%
Long-life batteries aren't.
%%
Long life is in store for you.
%%
Long live Middle-age Mutant Ninja SysOps!
%%
Long live the C64! G-g-guys? I was only kiddin, <BANG!!<
%%
Long live the command line!
%%
Long Live the Copernican Revolution!!!!
%%
Long live the ideals of Marxism-Lennonism! May the thoughts of Groucho
 and John guide us in word, thought, and deed!
%%
Long live the Klingon Empire.
A wise decision, Captain.
 -- Captain K'Temoc and Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Long live the Mystic Order of Arachnid Vigilance!
%%
Long live the revolution! Have a nice day.
%%
Long live ViM!!!
Die emacs die!!!
%%
Long may you run.
%%
Long on dry wall, short on studs.
%%
 (Long pause, sound of phone dropping, sleepy voice:)  Argh!
 (Pause.)  Hello...  (Sound of phone dropping, then a yawn.)
 Sorry man...  I'm a bit tired at the moment...  (Long yawn.)
 I'm going back to sleep now...  Just going to switch the
 answering machine on...
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
Long stormy spring-time, wet contentious April, winter chilling the
 lap of very May; but at length the season of summer does come.
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
Long term policy usually isn't.
%%
Long time his manxome foe he sought.
%%
Long Walk: Miss D. Bus
%%
Long Way Down: Rip Cord Broke
%%
Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and
long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his
pain and his aloneness without regret?
 -- Kahlil Gibran, "The Prophet"
%%
Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Look: 1)Next Doc 2) Prev Doc 3) Tooth Doc
%%
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
%%
Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
 -- Peter's Law of Substitution
%%
Look!  A ladder!  Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Look at all the buses now that want exact change, exact change. I figure if
 I give them exact change, they should take me exactly where I want to go.
 -- George Wallace
%%
Look at governmental programs for the past fifty years. Every single one
-except for warfare- achieved the exact opposite of its announced goal.
%%
Look at it this way: MSDOS is an overgrown program loader; the MacOS
is an overgrown user interface.  Neither is an operating system, but
the second is better for running applications.
 -- Paul Placeway
%%
Look at it this way:
Your wife's spending $280 a month on meditation lessons to
forget $26,000 of college education.
And you're still drinking ordinary scotch?
%%
Look at me: I design coastlines.  I got an award for Norway.  Where's the
sense in that?  None that I've been able to make out.  I've been doing fjords
all my life.  For a fleeting moment they become fashionable, and I get a major
award.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Look at me, Ma!  I'm on top of the world!
 -- James Cagney ("White Heat")
%%
Look at me, Mr. MODERATOR, I'm an OFF-TOPIC TAGLINE! HAH!
%%
Look at my pustules grow!
 -- Captain Slarn, SLIPBACK
%%
Look at that ugly little bee. Makes honey. I'm a nice-looking person and
 all I can do is make a little wax with my ears.
 -- Milt Kamen
%%
Look at the camera and say "birdie".
%%
Look at the docs?  Nah, nurses are much better looking
%%
Look at these three words written larger than all the rest, and with
  special pride never written before or since -- tall words, proudly
  saying "We the people" .. these words and the words that follow ...
  must apply to everyone or they mean nothing.
 -- Kirk, "The Omega Glory," stardate unknown.
%%
Look at the world through DOS eyes!
%%
Look at this [dollar bill], for those of you who haven't seen [one] before.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
LOOK AT THIS KID.. ARE YOU FOR REAL?!.. That's a SUPERSTAR POTENTIAL!!
%%
Look at your job as a laboratory. Try things. Experiment.
 -- Price Pritchett, PhD
%%
Look back at the last year.  You've done well, haven't you?  Celebrate by
getting drunk and consummating your self-love.
%%
Look back on time with kindly eyes,
He doubtless did his best;
How softly sinks his trembling son
In human nature's west!
 -- Emily Dickinson
%%
Look!  Before our very eyes, the future is becoming the past.
%%
Look before you leap.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
Look before you run into a pole.
%%
Look behind you!  Quick!!
%%
Look beneath the surface; let not the several quality of a thing nor
its worth escape thee.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vi, 3
%%
Look Boo Boo, a pic-a-nic basket!
%%
Look, Bruce, the bat signal!
%%
Look closer, most things are more than just the sum of their parts.
%%
Look, cretins, the bag is there to obscure Baldrick's own features...
  ..And many might think, incidentally, that that would be reason
  enough for him to wear it...
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
LOOK DAVE, I CAN SEE YOU'RE REALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS.
%%
Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!!  Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS...
 or a HIGHBALL??...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Looked as if she had walked straight out of the ark.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 157
%%
Looked so nice out this morning, thought I'd leave it out.
%%
Look - either dualism sucks, or it doesn't.
%%
Look, Elephant! We ain't got a hull no more!
%%
Look ere ye leape.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ii
%%
Look for a tough wedge for a tough log.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 723
%%
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes...
%%
Look for the ridiculous in everything and you find it.
 -- Jules Renard
%%
Look for the woman in the dress. If there is no woman, there is no dress.
 -- Coco Chanel
%%
Look, fumes, quicksand, toxic waste.  It's all ours!
%%
Look here, upon this picture, and on this,
The counterfeit presentment of two brothers.
See, what a grace was seated on this brow:
Hyperion's curls; the front of Jove himself;
An eye like Mars, to threaten and command;
A station like the herald Mercury
New-lighted on a heaven-kissing hill,--
A combination and a form indeed,
Where every god did seem to set his seal,
To give the world assurance of a man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Look! He's got a bomb!
It's not a _bomb_, sir, it's a _sponge_.
 -- George and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Look honey the Jones' have the bomb.
 -- Mrs. Smith
%%
Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...
 -- Stephen Sondheim
%%
Look, if anyone else pinches my phrase, I'll throw them under a camel!
 -- Monty Python
%%
Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the Rights of Man, I'd have gone to
  bed with Martin Luther.
 -- Edmund to Molly : Money
%%
Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared.
%%
Look, I'm up to here with cool, okay? I am so amazingly cool you could keep
 a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip, I have difficulty seeing over
 my pelvis. Now will you move before I blow it?
 -- Zaphod Beeblebrox, former Galactic President
%%
Lookin for a baby at mother board !!
%%
Lookin' for Loki (with a cream pie)
%%
Looking as like... as one pea does like another.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. ii
%%
Looking at a DNA molecule and saying 'What a fascinating accidental
arrangement of atoms' is like looking a Mt. Rushmore and saying 'What a
fascinating erosion pattern.'
%%
Looking at postcards is better than looking at the real thing.
%%
Looking at the stars....
M - O - O - N     that spells "Bob" .....
%%
Looking back, I have only one regret.
What's that?
I regret I wasn't born with opposable toes.
%%
Looking back, I should have pursued philosophy and history and
economics and things of that sort in college more, but I didn't.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Looking for a good time?  Call Troi at 1-900-NCC-1701
%%
Looking for a little excitement? Well, you can get a really big charge out
 of using your credit card just a time or two too often.
%%
Looking for a monster -- use a staff of monster summoning.
%%
Looking for backrub victim.
%%
Looking for happiness is like clutching the shadow or chasing the wind.
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
Looking for Love?  Adopt a pet!
%%
Looking for true love.  All major credit cards accepted.
%%
Looking for Vanna's brains...did you find them?
%%
Looking for ways to ease my mind about signs that the danger of nuclear war
 is increasing, I stumbled across one comforting thought: Maybe the Russian
 missiles won't work ...

 Why didn't I think of this years ago? I have certainly read enough about
 the shoddiness of goods produced by Soviet industry--overcoats whose
 sleeves fall off now and then, television sets permanently tuned to the
 all-snow channel, refrigerators destined to become the only thing in a
 Moscow apartment that is never cold. I have read about those Russian
 tractor factories where vodka-sodden workers fulfill their monthly quota in
 a frantic last-minute push that can succeed only if they attach the
 transmission with Scotch tape. Why have I always taken it for granted that
 those goofballs would be so good at annihilating continents?
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
Looking pale? Quaff a red potion!
%%
Looking to God for answers is premature.
%%
Looking up is as scary as looking down.
%%
Look in the chronicles; we came in with Richard Conqueror.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Induc. Sc. 1
%%
Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm
my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more
handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports
 -- his aides having to, in effect, "potty train" him.
%%
Look its a babble fish:    <<<        <<<   <<<
%%
Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...........a bird.
%%
Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's FALLING!!!
%%
Look, It's a drunk tank of trombones!
%%
"Look, it's Mister *E*!"
  "I pity the fool who picks on my group of ethnically-mixed friends."
 -- From THE NEW ADVENTURES OF MIGHTY MOUSE
%%
Look, it's trying to think.
 -- Agent Albert Rosenfield, _Twin Peaks_  (in reference to Sheriff Truman)
%%
Look like a woman, but play like a man.
 -- Jan Stephenson
%%
Look Ma, I'm a *Beta Tester*: KWQ Mail/2 for OS/2 v2.X!
%%
Look ma, no BRAIN!!!
%%
Look Ma, no point!!
%%
Look Ma, No Taglines!
%%
Look ma! Three arms!
 -- J. Eric Townsend
%%
Look, mom: *A*** ****** NO CARRIER
%%
Look, mom: No disk drive!
%%
Look, mom: No keyboard!
%%
Look, mom: No memory!
%%
Look, mom: No Modem!
%%
Look, mom: No monitor!
%%
Look, Muth tracks!
%%
Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour
in the cup, when it moveth itself aright.
At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth
like an adder.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxiii, 31, 32
%%
Look not to the windmill's turning while the ant still burrows.
%%
Look not where you fell, but where you slipped.
 -- Vai proverb, Liberia
%%
Look on my tagline, ye mighty, and despair!
%%
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.
%%
Look out  Behind you AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
%%
LOOKOUTDAMMIT..!!! I'm Beta Testing!!
%%
Look out for barking dogs that bite.
%%
Look out for number one. But don't step in number two!
%%
Look out!... Here comes winter, AGAIN!!
%%
Look outside! The Sun is shining :-)
%%
Lookout World!  The Modem is Ringing!
%%
Look out, you're gonna craaash.
%%
Look over your shoulder now and then to be sure someone's following you.
 -- Henry Gilmer
%%
Look round the habitable world: how few
Know their own good, or knowing it, pursue.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Juvenal, Satire x
%%
Look round the wrecks of play behold, Estates dismember'd, mortgaged,
sold; Their owners now to jail confin'd, Show equal poverty of mind.
 -- Gay
%%
Looks dangerous. YOU go first.
%%
Look, sir, 'droids!
%%
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!
 -- Lloyd Bridges from AIRPLANE!
%%
Looks like its just us handsome.
 -- Dr. Pulaski to Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Looks like it's safe in here for a while?
%%
Looks pretty good to us.  It will not... affect our earnings.
 -- Exxon chairman Lawrence Rawl on the settlement he reached
 -- with President George Bush's Justice Department
 -- following the Exxon Valdez spill
%%
LOOK!!  Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and
 ``Flock of Seagulls'' HAIRCUTS!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls
%%
Look, then, into thine heart, and write!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Voices of the Night, Prelude
%%
Look! There! Evil!.. pure and simple, total evil from the Eighth Dimension!
 -- Buckaroo Banzai
%%
Look, there's no need to panic. Someone in the crew will know how to
  steer the ship.
...The crew, my lord?
...Yes, the crew.
..._What_ crew?
 -- Edmund and Captain Rum : Potato
%%
Look to be pleasantly surprised sometime around mid-May, 2023.
%%
Look to cemeteries for sexual satisfaction.
%%
Look to premature senility to save your self-respect.
%%
Look to the essence of a thing, whether it be a point of doctrine,
of practice, or of interpretation.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, viii, 22
%%
Look to the Son, and shadows will fall behind you.
%%
Look to your conduct and weigh the favorable signs.
When everything is fulfilled, supreme good fortune comes.
%%
Look under enough rocks and you'll find _something_ slimy.
%%
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
%%
Look up BBS in the dictionary and our number will be there.
%%
Look up gullible in the dictionary.  There is a photo of you there.
%%
Look - up in the sky!

Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
No, it's a SCUD missile...
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
"Look....up in the sky...it's a bird...it's a plane...it's a frog!"
"A frog?"
"Not bird nor plane nor even frog, just little old me, Underdog!"
%%
Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers all the time.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game.  You want us
to pay income taxes, too?
 -- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox
%%
Look what the cat brought in - Jeremy Mullins.
%%
Look wise, say nothing, and grunt: speech was given to conceal thought.
 -- William Ostler
%%
Look you, I am the most concerned in my own interests.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1, 12, (636.)
%%
Look Younger: Fay Slift
%%
Looossseeeee! You got some 'splainin' to do!
%%
Loop - a method of execution no longer in vogue, except in Iran.
%%
LOOP: (go to LOOP)
%%
:loop through: vt. To process each element of a list of things.
   "Hold on, I've got to loop through my paper mail."  Derives from
   the computer-language notion of an iterative loop; compare `cdr
   down' (under {cdr}), which is less common among C and UNIX
   programmers.  ITS hackers used to say `IRP over' after an
   obscure pseudo-op in the MIDAS PDP-10 assembler.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Loose bits sink chips.
%%
:loose bytes: n. Commonwealth hackish term for the padding bytes or
   {shim}s many compilers insert between members of a record or
   structure to cope with alignment requirements imposed by the
   machine architecture.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Loose chip on the microprocessor board.
%%
Loose his beard, and hoary hair
Stream'd like a meteor to the troubled air.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, I, 2, Line 5
%%
Loose it here and you're in a World of hurts !!
%%
Loosen up, baby, I'm in love with you.
%%
Loosen up; the unaimed arrow never misses.
%%
Loose wire to his headset/ringer.
%%
Loose Yolks Kill Folks - Jersey Egg Enforcement Police
%%
Loosing is nature's way of keeping you from winning.
%%
Loo slips sink ships ...
%%
Loo slips stink ships!
%%
Loot and pillage, WHILE you're playing hockey.
%%
Looting - unconventional shopping.
%%
Loot, pollute and scoot
%%
LOQUACITY, n.  A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb
his tongue when you wish to talk.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lord Baden-Powell -- the person responsible for Scouting.
%%
Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies.
 -- D'Hericault
%%
Lord Fanny spins a thousand such a day.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Satire i, Book ii, Line 6
%%
Lord FINCHLEY tried to mend the Electric Light
Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!
 It is the business of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.
 -- H. Belloc
%%
Lord, for give all my little jokes on Thee,
 And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
 -- Robert Frost?
%%
Lord Give Me Chastity - She's Cute.
%%
Lord, give me patience... right now!
%%
Lord, give me strength to turn this machine off.
%%
Lord, give us the wisdom to utter words that are gentle and tender,
for tomorrow we may have to eat them.
 -- Morris Udall, quoted in "Sierra", May/June 1989
%%
Lord, grant me patience, but first .....
%%
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the
 courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of
 those people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
%%
Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish.
 -- Michelangelo
%%
Lord have mercy, Mrs. Tugwell just had her sixteenth young 'un. She said
 she had so many young 'uns she'd run out of names--to call her husband.
 -- Minnie Pearl
%%
Lord have mercy on the people in England for the terrible food
 these people must eat.  And Lord have mercy on the fate of this
 movie and God bless the mind of the man in the street.
 -- Strictly Genteel, Frank Zappa
%%
Lord help me, I'm just not that bright.
 -- Homer in "Some Enchanted Evening", from The Simpsons
%%
"Lord Hermes, is it true you can conjure up *anything*?"
  "Yes."
"Awesome!  Do y'know what a video entertainment center is?"
 -- Yes, having an Olympian God around the house is handy.
 -- WONDER WOMAN
%%
:lord high fixer: [primarily British, from Gilbert & Sullivan's
   `lord high executioner'] n. The person in an organization who knows
   the most about some aspect of a system.  See {wizard}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lord, in the morning thou shalt hear
My voice ascending high.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Psalm v
%%
Lord, it's hard to be humble, but I'm trying the best that I can.
%%
Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
LORD: Let Oral Roberts Die...
%%
Lord, Lord, how this world is given to lying! I grant you I was down
and out of breath; and so was he. But we rose both at an instant,
and fought a long hour by Shrewsbury clock.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Lord, Lord! methought, what pain it was to drown!
What dreadful noise of waters in mine ears!
What ugly sights of death within mine eyes!
Methought I saw a thousand fearful wrecks,
Ten thousand men that fishes gnawed upon,
Wedges of gold, great anchors, heaps of pearl,
Inestimable stones, unvalued jewels,
All scattered in the bottom of the sea:
Some lay in dead men's skulls; and in those holes
Where eyes did once inhabit, there were crept,
As 't were in scorn of eyes, reflecting gems.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it
is; that I may know how frail I am.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxix, 4
%%
Lord M. What religion is he of?
Lord Sp. Why, he is an Anythingarian.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
Lord of himself,--that heritage of woe!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Lara, Canto i, Stanza 2
%%
Lord of himself, though not of lands;
  And having nothing, yet hath all.
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- The Character of a Happy Life
%%
Lord of thy presence and no land beside.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Lord Percy...it's up to you. Either you can shut up...or you can
  have your head cut off.
 -- Queenie : Chains
%%
Lord, please let me find a one-armed economist so we won't always
hear "On the other hand..."
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Lord, protect me from those to whom You speak directly.
%%
Lord Stafford mines for coal and salt,
The Duke of Norfolk deals in malt,
  The Douglas in red herrings.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Alnwick Castle
%%
Lord, the battle station plans are not aboard this ship!
%%
Lord, The Stanley Cup is not aboard this ship!
%%
Lord, we know what we are, but know not what we may be.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet%And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.% -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Lord, when we are wrong, make us easy to change. And when we are
right, make us easy to live with.
 -- Peter Marshall
%%
Lore: "I have more than I ever dreamed possible, brother..."
 -- "Datalore", Stardate 41242.4
%%
Lorena Bobbit in Germany: Choppenderweinerhoffen
%%
Lorena Bobbitt: Our next Surgeon General.
%%
Lorena Bobbitt's Circumcision Service - Open 24 Hours.
%%
Lorena Bobbitt's new film: "Honey, I Shrunk the Kid Maker!"
%%
Lorena Bobbitt thinks "Nightmare on Elm St." is a training film.
%%
Lorena Bobbit Virus: turns your computer's hard drive into a floppy.
%%
Lorena to Tonya: Here, smack Nancy with 'this'
%%
LORE, n.  Learning -- particularly that sort which is not derived from
a regular course of instruction but comes of the reading of occult
books, or by nature.  This latter is commonly designated as folk-lore
and embraces popularly myths and superstitions.  In Baring-Gould's
_Curious Myths of the Middle Ages_ the reader will find many of these
traced backward, through various people son converging lines, toward a
common origin in remote antiquity.  Among these are the fables of
"Teddy the Giant Killer," "The Sleeping John Sharp Williams," "Little
Red Riding Hood and the Sugar Trust," "Beauty and the Brisbane," "The
Seven Aldermen of Ephesus," "Rip Van Fairbanks," and so forth.  The
fable with Goethe so affectingly relates under the title of "The Erl-
King" was known two thousand years ago in Greece as "The Demos and the
Infant Industry."  One of the most general and ancient of these myths
is that Arabian tale of "Ali Baba and the Forty Rockefellers."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lore: "Often-Wrong's got a broken heart...can't even tell his boys apart."
 -- "Brothers", Stardate unknown
%%
Lore: Takes a licking and keeps on twitching.
%%
Los Angeles Daily News:
Have you ever had the urge to rip the tag from a pillow or mattress, despite
the warning of dire penalties?  Well, it's perfectly legal now - if you live
in Colorado.  Governor Roy Romer formalized the law by gleefully tearing a
label from a pillow at his office. "I've been worrying about the mattress
inspector jumping through the window for years ..." he said.
%%
Los Angeles is a great place. Where else can you smell the air and see it
 coming at you at the same time? You want to see blue water you have to look
 in the toilet bowl.
 -- Jackie Gayle
%%
Los Angeles law prohibits hunting moths under a street light.
%%
Los Angeles Pachyderms: L.A. Funt
%%
Los Angeles Times, March 8, 1990:
 The SR-71 Blackbird spy plane - the one that made a 68-minute
flight from California to Washington, D.C. last Tuesday - was
originally called the RS-71.  But when President Johnson made the
first public announcement of the Blackbird during a national telecast,
he called it the SR-71.  So the designation was changed on 30,000
engineering drawings of the aircraft, making it officially the SR-71.
If the boss says it's an SR-71, it's an SR-71.
%%
Lose a few, lose a few.
 -- Miller's Slogan
%%
Lose Faith In Skepticism!
%%
:lose lose: interj. A reply to or comment on an undesirable
   situation.  "I accidentally deleted all my files!"  "Lose,
   lose."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:lose: [MIT] vi. 1. To fail.  A program loses when it encounters
   an exceptional condition or fails to work in the expected manner.
   2. To be exceptionally unesthetic or crocky.  3. Of people, to
   be obnoxious or unusually stupid (as opposed to ignorant).  See
   also {deserves to lose}.  4. n. Refers to something that is
   {losing}, especially in the phrases "That's a lose!" and "What
   a lose!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Loser: Calls mens room wall phone number. Dial-a-Prayer!
%%
Loser: Guy who plays Monopoly and gets mugged on Boardwalk.
%%
:loser: n. An unexpectedly bad situation, program, programmer, or
   person.  Someone who habitually loses.  (Even winners can lose
   occasionally.)  Someone who knows not and knows not that he knows
   not.  Emphatic forms are `real loser', `total loser', and
   `complete loser' (but not **`moby loser', which would be a
   contradiction in terms).  See {luser}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Loses the goat with ease.
No remorse.
%%
Lose that ugly FAT! Download a trojan today!
%%
Lose weight - eat stuff you hate.
%%
:losing: adj. Said of anything that is or causes a {lose} or
   {lossage}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Losing Lottery tickets sold here.
%%
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
%%
LOSM: Log Off System Manager
%%
:lossage: /los'*j/ n. The result of a bug or malfunction.  This
   is a mass or collective noun.  "What a loss!" and "What
   lossage!" are nearly synonymous.  The former is slightly more
   particular to the speaker's present circumstances; the latter
   implies a continuing {lose} of which the speaker is currently a
   victim.  Thus (for example) a temporary hardware failure is a loss,
   but bugs in an important tool (like a compiler) are serious
   lossage.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LOSS, n.  Privation of that which we had, or had not.  Thus, in the
latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his
election"; and of that eminent man, the poet Gilder, that he has "lost
his mind."  It is in the former and more legitimate sense, that the
word is used in the famous epitaph:

    Here Huntington's ashes long have lain
    Whose loss is our eternal gain,
    For while he exercised all his powers
    Whatever he gained, the loss was ours.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:loss: n. Something (not a person) that loses; a situation in which
   something is losing.  Emphatic forms include `moby loss', and
   `total loss', `complete loss'.  Common interjections are
   "What a loss!"  and "What a moby loss!"  Note that `moby loss'
   is OK even though **`moby loser' is not used; applied to an abstract
   noun, moby is simply a magnifier, whereas when applied to a person
   it implies substance and has positive connotations.  Compare
   {lossage}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lost and confused and without a sig.
%%
Lost baby found alive in pumpkin!
%%
Lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for.
%%
Lost cause:
 The last thing I lost was a white pillow case.
 After 30 mins searching inside the washing machine, folds of other
 laundry etc etc, I reached the answer by thought.
 It had to be hidden more deviously - two white cases on one pillow.
%%
Lost Electricity Reclamation Agency.
%%
Lost interest?  It's so bad I've lost apathy.
%%
:lost in the noise: adj. Syn. {lost in the underflow}.  This term
   is from signal processing, where signals of very small amplitude
   cannot be separated from low-intensity noise in the system.  Though
   popular among hackers, it is not confined to hackerdom; physicists,
   engineers, astronomers, and statisticians all use it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:lost in the underflow: adj. Too small to be worth considering;
   more specifically, small beyond the limits of accuracy or
   measurement.  This is a reference to `floating underflow', a
   condition that can occur when a floating-point arithmetic processor
   tries to handle quantities smaller than its limit of magnitude.  It
   is also a pun on `undertow' (a kind of fast, cold current that
   sometimes runs just offshore and can be dangerous to swimmers).
   "Well, sure, photon pressure from the stadium lights alters the
   path of a thrown baseball, but that effect gets lost in the
   underflow."  Compare {epsilon}, {epsilon squared}; see also
   {overflow bit}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lost, lost! one moment knelled the woe of years.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came, xxxiii
%%
Lost One Round But The Prize Wasn't ANYTHING.
%%
Lost - One Tagline - old, but very cuddly.
%%
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
%%
Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
%%
Lost time is never found again, unless the refs check the replay!
%%
Lost, unfocused ?  Hey, the 6pm "news" will be happy to fill the void!
%%
Lo, the poor Indian! whose untutor'd mind
Sees God in clouds, or hears him in the wind;
His soul proud Science never taught to stray
Far as the solar walk or milky way.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 99
%%
Lotsa Luck: Bess Twishes
%%
LOTS hackers do it sloooooooowwwwwwwwllllllllyyyyyyyy.
%%
Lots of beauty parlors never really live up to their name.
%%
Lot's of bugs fixed in this version !!!
%%
Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic.  I mimic my shadow.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Lots of Excitement: Hugh N. Cry
%%
Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
 -- Frank Hubbard
%%
Lots of folks live without working and even more work without living.
%%
Lots of girls can be had for a song.
Unfortunately, it often turns out to be the wedding march.
%%
:lots of MIPS but no I/O: adj. Used to describe a person who is
   technically brilliant but can't seem to communicate with human
   beings effectively.  Technically it describes a machine that has
   lots of processing power but is bottlenecked on input-output (in
   1991, the IBM Rios, a.k.a. RS/6000, is a notorious recent
   example).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lots of people became extremely rich.  But this was perfectly natural
and nothing to get upset about, as no one was really poor - at least,
no one worth mentioning.
 -- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Lots of people claim to be Catholic chiefly in the fact that this is their
 choice of a church which they do not attend.
%%
Lots of people drink from the wrong bottle sometimes.
 -- Edith Keeler, "The City on the Edge of Forever," stardate unknown.
%%
Lots of people make sense, I want to make $$$
%%
Lots of people will not graduate this year from college, but that's
 alright, since none of them went to school this year.
%%
Lots of them go to the spring,
but none of 'em ever drink.
 -- Footprints
%%
Lots of things there that you can drink,
but stay away from the kitchen sink.
The kitchen garbage that you throw into the bay,
they drink at lunch in San Jose.
So go to the city, see the crazy people there,
like lambs to the slaughter,
they're drinking the water and breathing the air.
 -- POLLUTION by Tom Lehrer
%%
Lotteries--you have to play to lose.
%%
LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer.
%%
Lotus, the name; divine, nectareous juice!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book ix, Line 106
%%
Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in
Halstead, Kansas.
%%
Louder than Sam Kinnison.
%%
 (Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:)  Hello,
 this is the executioner.  Joe can't come to the phone right now
 because he's DEAD!  Leave a name and number and IF we decide to
 resurrect him, he'll call you back.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
LoudIsGood FastisBetter FastandLoudisBest!
%%
Loud roared the dreadful thunder,
  The rain a deluge showers.
 -- Andrew Cherry (1762-1812)
 -- The Bay of Biscay
%%
 (Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:)  Hello!  Due to
 the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village
 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters.  However, if you
 leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get
 back to you when the 453rd truce begins.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
Loud speech, profusion of words and possessing skillfulness in
expounding scriptures are merely for the enjoyment of the learned.
They do not lead to liberation.
 -- Shankaracharya
%%
Louise, dump the milk! The cat drinks unleaded from now on!
 -- B. County
%%
Louis Farrakahn's nightmare? Circumcision by angry Jews w/rusty tools.
%%
Louisianans do it differently. ("Big Easy")
 -- Dennis Quaid
%%
Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
%%
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
 -- Pierre Pachet, Physiology Professor, Toulose, 1872
%%
"`Lousy stinking radicals,' he opines, `figure the law is
there for you to hide behind...  Well, the law _isn't_ there
for you to hide behind, it's there for _us_ to hide behind...
the good and law-abiding people of this great city-state.'  His
fists are like twin sledgehammers dealing out pure and righteous
justice... `You're either with us or against us, vermin... That's
what freedom's all about.'  His roach-sense floods the room...
ping!  ping!  ping!  And detects the presence of a heavily unarmed
malcontent...`Taste boot, scum...'"
 -- Cerebus
%%
Louvois: "It is the judgement of this court that Lieutenant Commander Data has
  the freedom to choose."
 -- "The Measure Of A Man", Stardate unknown
%%
Love: 2 minds without a single thought.
 -- Philip Barry
%%
Love a hand that meets your own and causes some sensation.
%%
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none; be able for thine enemy rather in
power than use; and keep thy friend under thine own life's key; be checked
for silence, but never taxed for speech.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Love all, trust a few.  Do wrong to none.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Love America - or give it back.
%%
Love, and a cough, are not concealed.
 -- Ovid
%%
Love and eggs are best when they are fresh.
 -- Russian Proverb
%%
Love and magic have a great deal in common.  They enrich the soul,
delight the heart.  And they both take practice.
 -- Nora Roberts
%%
Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, but when was
the last time you saw one of those?
%%
Love and scandal are coffee's best sweeteners.
%%
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
%%
Love and tooth-ache have many cures, but none infallible, except
possession and dispossossion.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Love as it exists in society is merely the mingling of two fantasies and
the contact of two skins.
%%
Love at first sight is not so remarkable.  It's after we've been looking
at each other for years that it becomes remarkable.
%%
Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving
 devices the world has ever seen.
%%
Love built on beauty, soon as beauty dies.
 -- John Donne (1572-1631), "Elegy II, The Anagram"
%%
Love can be the basis of daily existance, my goal is to
 find as much love as possible.
%%
Love can do all but raise the Dead.
 -- Emily Dickenson
%%
Love can never grow old,
Locks may lose their brown and gold,
Cheeks may fade and hollow grow,
But the hearts that love will know
Never winter's frost and chill,
Summer's warmth is in them still.
 -- Eben Eugene Rexford
%%
Love cannot be defined in a single word.
%%
Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never
 known before.  But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and
 bitter.  Wait.  It's not love I'm describing.  I'm thinking of a monorail.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Love cats? They spit on thier hands and rub it all over!
%%
Love ceases to be a pleasure when it ceases to be a secret.
%%
Love comes for you, and you follow.
%%
Love comes in spurts.
 -- Devo, "Please Please"
%%
Love comes to you, and then after...
%%
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
%%
Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.
 -- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
%%
Love, cough, and a smoke, can't be well hid.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
Love cures people--both the ones who give it and the ones who
receive it.
 -- Dr. Karl Menninger
%%
Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
 -- George Jean Nathan, The Autobiography of an Attitude
%%
Love dies only when growth stops.
 -- Pearl S. Buck
%%
Love does not dominate; it cultivates.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
%%
Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you
have to make.  And you must use your imagination too.
 -- Joyce Cary
%%
Love each other like brothers and sisters, and have a real good time.
 -- Bill Graham
%%
Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is
above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks
all things lawful for itself, and all things possible. It is therefore
able to undertake all things, and it completes many things, and brings
them to a conclusion, where he who does not love, faints and lies down.
 -- Thomas a Kempis
%%
Love, friendship, respect, do not unite people as much as a common
hatred of something.
 -- Anton Chekhov (1860-1904), Russian writer
 -- Notebooks (1896)
%%
Love God. Love thy neighbor. All else is -commentary- ...
%%
Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books,
But love from love, toward school with heavy looks.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what
you are expected to give -- which is everything.
%%
Love heightens all of the senses...except the common.
%%
Love, Honesty, and Compassion are OUR family values.
%%
Love implies anger. The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Love in a hut, with water and a crust,
Is--Love, forgive us!--cinders, ashes, dust.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Lamia, Part ii
%%
Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.
Love isn't love 'til you give it away.
 -- Oscar Hammerstein II
%%
Love is a canvas pattern furnished by Nature, and embroidered by
imagination.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Love is a feeling you feel when you're about to feel a feeling you never
 felt before.
 -- Flip Wilson
%%
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down
your house, you can never tell.
 -- Joan Crawford
%%
Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage.
 -- The Psychological Prognosis
%%
Love is a four letter word.
%%
Love is a god Strong, free, unabounded, and as some define Fears
nothing, pitieth none.
 -- Milton
%%
Love is a grave mental disease.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Love is a hole in the heart.
 -- Ben Hecht
%%
Love is all we're asking for.
%%
Love is always having to say I'm sorry.
 -- Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
%%
Love is always open arms.  With arms open you allow love to come and go
as it wills, freely, for it will do so anyway. If you close your arms
about love you'll find you are left only holding yourself.
%%
Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never
boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take
offense, and it is not resentful.  Love takes no pleasure in other
people's sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse,
to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.
 Love does not come to an end.
 -- 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 ( Jerusalem Bible )
%%
Love is a many-gendered thing.
%%
Love is a many-splintered thing.
%%
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
 -- Mark's mark
%%
Love is an angel disguised as lust...
 -- Patti Smith
%%
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
 -- Linda Berry
%%
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing;
a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
%%
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely
surrounded by expenses.
 -- Lord Dewar
%%
Love is a passion which kindles honor into noble acts.
 -- Dryden
%%
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he
turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
 -- Matt Groening
%%
Love is a poster on a post office wall,
a black and white photo two inches tall,
a detailed description with names and with places,
a list of crimes with expressionless faces.
%%
Love is a rose, but you'd better not pick it.
It only grows when it's on the vine.
%%
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips
 over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come.
 -- Matt Groening
%%
Love is a variation of hopelessness.
Love is the fire in the dragon's mouth,
the sting in the scorpion's tail.
%%
Love is a word, a word with a meaning, but just a word.
%%
Love is a word that is constantly heard,
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And Love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Love is being stupid together.
%%
Love is blind. And when you get married you get your eyesight back.
%%
Love is blind, but desire doesn't give a good goddam.
 -- James Thurber (1894-1961)
%%
Love is blind but like is just too freaked out to see straight.
%%
Love is blind. I guess that's why it proceeds by the sense of touch.
 -- Morey Amsterdam
%%
Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
%%
Love is blond.
 -- Herbert Gold's mother
%%
    Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the
recognition.
 -- Alexander Smith
%%
"Love is DEAD."
     "How depressing."
 -- Creator
%%
Love is deaf as well as blind... and walks with a limp.
 -- SLR
%%
Love is ever the beginning of knoweledge as fire is of light.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
 -- Goeth, Foreign Review, No. 111 (1828)
%%
Love is Grand. Divorce is Fifty Grand!
%%
Love is I know not what, which comes from I know not where and finishes
I know not how.
 -- Scudery
%%
Love is in the offering. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
%%
Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.
%%
Love is in the offing.
 -- The Homicidal Maniac
%%
Love is just a word ...
Just a word without meaning
Just a word without feeling
And it means ......
  #####  ####### #     #
 #     # #        #   #
 #       #         # #
  #####  #####      #
       # #         # #
 #     # #        #   #
  #####  ####### #     #
%%
Love is just for now...herpes lasts forever.
%%
Love is knocking at your door.
%%
Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very
pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering.  As love
grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning
and unquenchable.
 -- Bruce Lee
%%
Love is like age, it can not be hidden.
%%
Love is like linen often
changed, the sweeter.
%%
Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and VERY important.
 -- Lisa Hoffman
%%
Love is like quicksilver in the hand.  Leave the fingers open and it
stays.  Clutch it, and it darts away.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Love is like the measles, we all have to go through it.
 -- Jerome K. Jerome
%%
Love is love's reward.
 -- John Dryden
%%
Love is man's delusion that one woman differs from another - still, man is
 better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner.
%%
Love is merely madness; and I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and
a whip, as madmen do; and the reason why they are not so punished and
cured, is that the lunacy is so ordinary, that the whippers are in love too.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Love is misguided self-interest.
Desire is the sire of disgust.
Boredom is the inevitable result.
%%
Love is missing someone even when they're with you.
%%
Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw
blood in its defense.
 -- Mark A. Overby
%%
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight
girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.
 -- Judith Viorst
%%
Love is my Sword,
Goodness my Armor,
And Humor my Shield.
%%
Love is never asking why?
%%
Love is never jealous or envious. Tell THAT to my boyfriend!
%%
Love is never jealous or envious. Tell THAT to my Girlfriend!
%%
Love is never jealous or envious. Tell THAT to my wife!
%%
Love is never to be defined because it grows and changes with every year
 of life, and each person knows it as a different miracle.
 -- James Michener
%%
Love is never what we looked for and always takes us by surprise:   it's the
 rock on Coyote's head in the middle of the Road Runner chase.  It's not the
 pain of love Coyote minds, it's the *futility* of his inventions in the face
 of his fate.
 -- Ian Shoales, Social Critic and Bitter Loudmouth
%%
Love is not altogether a delirium, yet it has many points in common therewith.
I call it rather a discerning of the infinite in the finite- the ideal
made real.
 -- Carlyle
%%
Love is not an emotion, it's a decision.
 -- Scott Peck
%%
Love is not blind, it sees more not less;
But because it sees more it chooses to see less.
%%
Love is not enough, but is sure helps.
%%
Love is not enough.  It must be the foundation, the cornerstone, but
not the complete structure.  It is much too pliable, too yielding.
 -- Bette Davis
%%
Love is not in our choice, but in our fate.
 -- Dryden
%%
Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction.
 -- Antoine de Saint Exupery
 -- Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939 
%%
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant
twang of a bedspring.
 -- S.J. Perelman (1904-1979)
%%
Love is not without fears.
 -- Proverb
%%
Love isn't love until you give it away.
%%
Love is only the dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), "A Writer's Notebook" 1949
%%
Love is sentimental measles.
%%
Love is so much better when you are not married.
%%
Love is staying awake all night with a sick child. Or a very healthy adult.
 -- David Frost
%%
Love is strong as death. Many waters cannot quench love, neither
can the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of
his house for love, it would be utterly contemned.
 -- Solomon's Song VIII, 6,7
%%
Love is supposed to start with bells ringing and go downhill from
there.  But it was the opposite for me.  There's an intense connection
between us, and as we stayed together, the bells rang louder.
 -- Lisa Niemi
%%
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is
essential to your own.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Love is the answer.
%%
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some
 pretty good questions.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Love is the chain whereby to bind a child to his parents.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.
 -- Miguel de Unamuno
%%
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
 -- H. L. Mencken
 -- Chrestomathy, 1949
%%
Love... is the extremely difficult realization that something other than
oneself is real.
 -- Iris Murdoch
%%
Love is the fulfilling of the law.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xiii, 10
%%
Love is the greatest power you can have as the Lord's servant.
 -- Sister Kikuchi
%%
Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and
everyone else.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Love is the illusion that women differ.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Love is the law, love under will!
%%
Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
Love is the only game that will never be postponed on account of rain.
 -- Homer Haynes
%%
Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human
existance.
 -- Eric Fromm
%%
Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of
his personality
 -- Victor Frankel
%%
Love is the only weapon we need.
 -- Rev H. R. L. Sheppard
%%
Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.
 -- Saint Exupery
%%
Love is the salt of life; a higher taste It gives to pleasure, and
then makes it last.
 -- Buckingham
%%
Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.
 -- Judith Viorst
%%
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Love is the warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
%%
Love is the whole history of a woman's life, it is nut an episode in a man's.
 -- Madame de Stael
%%
Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
%%
Love is two minutes fifty-two seconds of quishing noises.  It shows your
 mind isn't clicking right.
%%
Love is what goes on while you're NOT horny.
%%
Love IS what it's cracked up to be.
%%
Love is what we call the situation which occurs when two people who
are sexually compatible discover that they can also tolerate one
another in various other circumstances.
 -- Marc Maihueird
%%
Love is when everyone knows how you feel about her, but her.
%%
Love is when two people who care about each other get confused.
 -- Bob Schneider
%%
Love is when you look into your lover's eyes and see God smiling back at you.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Love--it's not just a good idea--it's the Law.
%%
Love keeps the cold out better than a cloak.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
Love laughs at locksmiths.
%%
Love letters are the campaign promises of the heart.
%%
Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive
three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
%%
Loveliest of lovely things are they
On earth that soonest pass away.
The rose that lives its little hour
Is prized beyond the sculptured flower.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- A Scene on the Banks of the Hudson
%%
Loveliness
Needs not the foreign aid of ornament,
But is when unadorn'd, adorn'd the most.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Autumn, Line 204
%%
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
LOVE:
 Love ties in a knot in the end of the rope.
%%
Love-Lust 'Whats the Difference ?' (at 3 in the morning)
%%
Lovely in death the beauteous ruin lay;
And if in death still lovely, lovelier there;
Far lovelier! pity swells the tide of love.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iii, Line 104
%%
lovely. The artist is a sort of impassioned proofreader, blue-penciling
the bad spelling of God.
%%
Love makes the time pass.  Time makes love pass.
 -- French Proverb
%%
Love may fail, but courtesy will prevail.
 -- A Kurt Vonnegut fan
%%
Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes
the ride worthwhile.
 -- Sean Connery
%%
Love means an unlimited charge card!
%%
Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
%%
Love means never having to say "honey put down that axe!"
%%
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
%%
Love means never having to say you're sorry.
 -- Eric Segal, "Love Story"
%%
Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
%%
Love means telling you why you're sorry.
%%
Love me litle, love me long.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. ii
%%
Love me little, love me long.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- The Jew of Malta, Act iv
%%
Love me, love my dog.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. ix
%%
Love me....love my huskies!
%%
Love me or hate me, but spare me your indifference.
 -- Libbie Fudim
%%
Love me tender, love me true.
%%
Love my 386/33 . . . Thank God my wife isn't that fast!
%%
LOVE, n.  A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of
the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
This disease, like _caries_ and many other ailments, is prevalent only
among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous
nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from
its ravages.  It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the
physician than to the patient.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Love not! Love not! the thing you love may change, The rosy lip may
cease to smile on you, The kindly beaming eye grow cold and strange,
The heart still warmly beat, and not for you.
 -- Mrs. Norton
%%
Love of beauty is Taste...The creation of beauty is Art.
 -- R.W. Emerson
%%
Love of bustle is not industry.
 -- SENECA
%%
Love of money is the root of all Politicians.
%%
Love of money is the root of all politics.
%%
Love on through all ills, and love on till they die.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Light of the Harem
%%
Love quickens all the senses save perhaps that one which we call common,
 and that one seems to slow down considerably when love bites.
%%
Love requires risks.
%%
Lovers are never tired of each other, though they always speak of themselves.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 312
%%
Lovers don't snore.
%%
Lovers embrace that which is between them rather than each other.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
Lovers of wisdom must be inquirers into very many things indeed.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
Love's a bitch, baby. Love's a bitch, yes it's crazy.
%%
Love's a disease. But curable.
%%
Love's a matter of degrees; that's true.  (That's true!) It loses it's
perspective when its taken to extremes. That's why we work so hard to
take that love away.
%%
Love seldom haunts the breast where learning lies,
And Venus sets ere Mercury can rise.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Wife of Bath, Her Prologue, Line 369
%%
Love. . . She is Blind, No?
 -- Pep_ LePew
%%
Loves horses, and her boyfriend too.
%%
Love someone.  Anyone.
%%
Love sometimes expresses itself in sacrifice.
 -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3220.3.
%%
Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Love taught him shame; and shame, with love at strife,
Soon taught the sweet civilities of life.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Cymon and Iphigenia, Line 133
%%
Love tells us many things that are not so.
 -- Ukranian Proverb
%%
Love that has nothing but beauty to keep it in good health is short
lived, and apt to have ague fits.
 -- Erasmus
%%
Love the little trade which thou hast learned, and be content therewith.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 31
%%
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
Love the sea?  I dote upon it - from the beach.
%%
Love, the sole disease thou canst not cure.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
Love: the word that paints a thousand pictures.
%%
Love thou the rose, yet leave it on its stem.
 -- Edward Robert Bulwer-Lytton
%%
Love thy neighbor, and thy neighbor's wife too; if thou art inclined.
%%
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose thy neighborhood carefully.
 -- Louise Beal
%%
Love thy neighbor, but keep the hedge in tact.
%%
Love thy neighbor, but pull not down thy hedge.
 -- John Ray
%%
Love thy neighbour as thyself.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xix, 19
%%
Love thy neighbour as thyself.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Leviticus xix, 18
%%
Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is out of town.
%%
Love thy neighbour........ Tune thy piano.
%%
Love thyself, and many will hate thee.
%%
Love thyself last: cherish those hearts that hate thee;
Corruption wins not more than honesty.
Still in thy right hand carry gentle peace,
To silence envious tongues. Be just, and fear not:
Let all the ends thou aim'st at be thy country's,
Thy God's, and truth's; then if thou fall'st, O Cromwell,
Thou fall'st a blessed martyr!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Love to eat them disk files, Disk files what I love to eat.
Byte they little headers off, Nybble on they tiny feet.
%%
Love to eat them mousies,
 Mousies what I love to eat,
 Bite they little heads off,
 Nibble on they tiny feet.
 -- B. Kliban
%%
Love took up the harp of Life, and smote on all the chords with might;
Smote the chord of Self, that, trembling, pass'd in music out of sight.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 33
%%
Love truth, but pardon error.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Discours sur l'Homme, Discours 3
%%
Love turns to lust; angst turns to fire - open your heart to my flaming
desire.
%%
Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
%%
Love unites, hate divides.
 -- Empedocles
%%
Love was when you thought someone was so great that they should always
be happy, and you wanted to be part of making them happy. In love is
when you feel so good around someone that you always want to be around
them.
 -- Muffy Barkocy
%%
Love well, whip well.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Love?   What is love?  I want existence.
 -- Marriner, Enlightenment
%%
Love, which proclaims thee human bids thee know a truth more lofty in thy
lowliest hour than shallow glory taught to human power, "What's human
is immortal!"
 -- Bulwer
%%
Love will come looking for you, with an angry spouse.
%%
Love will find its way Through paths where wolves would fear to prey,
And if it dares enough 'twere hard If passion met not some reward.
 -- Byron
%%
Love will make you forget time, and time will make you forget love.
%%
Love without irritation is just lust.
%%
Love, you know, seeks to make happy rather than to be happy.
 -- Ralph Connor
%%
Love your country but never trust its government.
 -- from a hand-painted road sign in central Pennsylvania
%%
Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of
bastards.
 -- R.A. Dickson
%%
Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what
 you're up to.
%%
Love your mother (caption for picture of Earth)
%%
Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Loving an old bachelor is always a no-win situation.
 -- Jean Harris
%%
Loving relationships work because there is no work.
%%
 "Loving Two Women At The Same Time" by W. Pleasure and W. Funn
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
LOVING well is the best revenge.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Low ambition and the thirst of praise.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 591
%%
:low-bandwidth: [from communication theory] adj. Used to indicate a
   talk that, although not {content-free}, was not terribly
   informative.  "That was a low-bandwidth talk, but what can you
   expect for an audience of {suit}s!"  Compare {zero-content},
   {bandwidth}, {math-out}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LOW-BRED, adj.  "Raised" instead of brought up.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lowbrow, n.  The kind of person who looks at Picasso and thinks of
baloney.
 -- Leonard L. Levinson
%%
Lower taxes, raise the dead.
%%
Lo, when two dogs are fighting in the streets,
With a third dog one of the two dogs meets;
With angry teeth he bites him to the bone,
And this dog smarts for what that dog has done.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 6
%%
Lo where the stage, the poor, degraded stage,
Holds its warped mirror to a gaping age.
 -- Charles Sprague (1791-1875)
 -- Curiosity
%%
LOW: Launch on Warning
%%
Low on thinking gas.
%%
Low Order Position:
The programmer's location in the chain of command.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Low stir of leaves and dip of oars
And lapsing waves on quiet shores.
 -- John G. Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- Snow Bound
%%
Low-tech is a lot more effective than low-cal.
%%
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Inscription beneath his bust in the Hall of Fame. 
%%
LPA: Lead Programmer Astray
%%
LP!!!!  I'M STUCK IN AN INFINITE LOOP!  HELP!!!!  I'M STUCK IN AN 
%%
LP%PAS  Line Printer - Print And Smear
%%
LP%RDD  Line Printer - Reverse Drum Direction
%%
LPRTC: Load Program counter from Real Time Clock
%%
LPT1 NOT LOCATED, USE BACKUP: Grab a pencil, now get a piece of paper...
%%
LP%TCR  Line Printer - Tangle and Chew Ribbon
%%
:LPT: /L-P-T/ or /lip'it/ or /lip-it'/ n. Line printer, of
   course.  Rare under UNIX, more common among hackers who grew up
   with ITS, MS-DOS, CP/M and other operating systems that were
   strongly influenced by early DEC conventions.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LRA: Load RetroActively
%%
LRB: Lose Record and Branch
%%
LRD: Load Random Data
%%
LR: Load Revolver
%%
LSBL    Lose Super BLock [UNIX only]
%%
LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
%%
LSD turned me into a business executive!
%%
LSD: Virtual reality without the expensive hardware...
%%
LSPSW: Load and Scramble PSW
%%
Lt. Commander Data--your plastic pal who's fun to be with.
%%
Lt. Dax is making sure all procedural details are precisely observed.
%%
LTS: Link To Sputnik
%%
LTS: Loop Till Smokes
%%
LTT: Lose Timing Track
%%
Lt. Troi, I order you to relax.
%%
Lucas refrigerators: Why the British drink warm beer.
%%
LUCID & PROLOG - These clever teenagers show a new kind of cooking skill.
They can cook-up fine meals without the use of recipes, working solely from a
description of the desired meal (declarative cooking).  Many men are
fascinated by this and have already proposed marriage.  Others complain that
the girls work very slowly, and that often the description of the meal must
be just as long as a recipe would be.  It is hard to predict what these girls
will be like when they are fully mature.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
Lucifer designed MS-DOS to try men's souls.
%%
LUCIFERnet Ambassador to Europe.
%%
LUCIFERnet: Bring out your dead!
%%
LUCIFERnet raising HEll coast to coast!
%%
Lucifernet - Works for me!
%%
 Lucifer speaking.  Who in hell do you want?
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
Lucille has messed my mind up,.. but I STILL love her..
 -- Frank Zappa, Joes Garage
%%
Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast.  In the stream
where you least expect it, there will be fish.
 -- Ovid (3/20/43 B.C.- A.D. 17) Roman poet
%%
Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.
%%
Luck has nothing to do with it....
 -- Avon
%%
Luckily, I'm out of hairs to split!
%%
Luck is the residue of design.
 -- Branch Rickey, Hall of Fame-er
%%
Luck is what enabled others to get where they are.
Talent is what enabled us to get to where we are.
%%
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
 -- Seneca
%%
Luck never gives; it only lends.
 -- Swedish proverb
%%
Luck won't last a lifetime, unless you die young, which is unlucky.
%%
Lucky is he for whom the belle toils.
%%
LUCKY:
When you have a wife and a cigarette lighter -- both of which work.
%%
Lucy: Dance, dance, dance.  That is all you ever do.
Can't you be serious for once?
Snoopy: She is right!  I think I had better think
of the more important things in life!
(pause)
Tomorrow!!
%%
Ludlow Bean was arrested the other day for stealing a woman's change purse.
 He told the judge that he hadn't been feeling well, and he thought the
 change would do him good.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
Ludwig was a master of disguise. Whereas Nursy is a sad, insane old
  woman with an udder fixation.
 -- Edmund : Chains
%%
lue of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in
which he has attained liberation from self.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Luge is the only sport where you can die during the event and still win.
%%
Luke  "I don't believe it!"
Kenobi  "That is why you fail."
 -- Star Wars
%%
Luke, I'm yer father, eh.  Come over to the dark side, you hoser.
 -- Dave Thomas, Strange Brew
%%
Luke, it sure is a bad moment when you decide to sell out.  But a worse
moment, the worst moment in the world is when you decide to sell out and
nobody's buying.
 -- from "Bug Jack Barron" by Norman Spinrad
%%
Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke
 -- Obi Wan Gates
%%
Luke Perry trapped in a burning building:  next on Rescue 90210.
%%
Luke Use the Docs, Use the Docs.
%%
Lukewarm...? Is that like a Jedi Knight in an electric blanket?
%%
Lull'd in the countless chambers of the brain,
Our thoughts are link'd by many a hidden chain;
Awake but one, and lo, what myriads arise!
Each stamps its image as the other flies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Luma: "You are not Morg...you are not Imorg."
 -- "Spock's Ban", Stardate unknown
%%
Luminance - Title used when addressing the president of National Computer
%%
LUMINARY, n.  One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not
writing about it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Luminous beings we are - not this crude matter.
%%
LUM: LUbricate Memory
%%
Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by
Michael Angelo!
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "The Innocents Abroad"
%%
Lunacon '92--and he built a crooked house.
%%
LUNACY  my Best personality trait!
%%
LUNARIAN, n.  An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from
Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits.  The Lunarians have been
described by Lucian, Locke and other observers, but without much
agreement.  For example, Bragellos avers their anatomical identity
with Man, but Professor Newcomb says they are more like the hill
tribes of Vermont.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:lunatic fringe: [IBM] n. Customers who can be relied upon to accept
   release 1 versions of software.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lunchtime. My momma used to pack those tongue sandwiches. And I couldn't
 eat them tongue sandwiches. I couldn't eat tongue. I couldn't eat nothing
 that came out of an animal's mouth. I had too much class. My favorite was
 egg sandwiches.
 -- Larry Storch
%%
LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS.
%%
lunge: skillful or desperate move, depending on who is doing it and why.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Lupins? Yes, lupins. Come on, come on.
%%
Luposlipaphobia: The fear of being pursued by timber wolves around a
 kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly waxed floor.
 -- Gary Larson
%%
:lurker: n. One of the `silent majority' in a electronic forum;
   one who posts occasionally or not at all but is known to read the
   group's postings regularly.  This term is not pejorative and indeed
   is casually used reflexively: "Oh, I'm just lurking."  Often used
   in `the lurkers', the hypothetical audience for the group's
   {flamage}-emitting regulars.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Lurkers Anonymous.
%%
Lurk, lurk, Lurk.
%%
:luser: /loo'zr/ n. A {user}; esp. one who is also a
   {loser}.  ({luser} and {loser} are pronounced
   identically.)  This word was coined around 1975 at MIT.  Under
   ITS, when you first walked up to a terminal at MIT and typed
   Control-Z to get the computer's attention, it printed out some
   status information, including how many people were already using
   the computer; it might print "14 users", for example.  Someone
   thought it would be a great joke to patch the system to print
   "14 losers" instead.  There ensued a great controversy, as some
   of the users didn't particularly want to be called losers to their
   faces every time they used the computer.  For a while several
   hackers struggled covertly, each changing the message behind the
   back of the others; any time you logged into the computer it was
   even money whether it would say "users" or "losers".  Finally,
   someone tried the compromise "lusers", and it stuck.  Later one
   of the ITS machines supported `luser' as a request-for-help
   command.  ITS died the death in mid-1990, except as a museum piece;
   the usage lives on, however, and the term `luser' is often seen
   in program comments.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
LUSER:
Someone who picks up a female hitch-hiker walking home from a date.
%%
Lust consumes me like a fungus.
%%
Lust is not right; it's ambidextrous.
%%
Lust of power is the most flagrant of all the passions.
 -- Tacitus (55?-120?)
%%
Luther Burbank crossed a potato with a sponge. He got something that tastes
 awful but it holds a lot of gravy.
 -- Doodles Weaver
%%
Luv the Bozos of the world.... they're scarce!
%%
Luxury: Costs $7.69 to make and $20.00 to market.
%%
Luxury is a necessity that begins where necessity ends.
 -- Coco Chanel
%%
LWE: Load WhatEver
%%
LWM: Load Write-only Memory
%%
Lycurgus the Lacedaemonian brought long hair into fashion among his
countrymen, saying that it rendered those that were handsome more
beautiful, and those that were deformed more terrible. To one that
advised him to set up a democracy in Sparta, "Pray," said Lycurgus,
"do you first set up a democracy in your own house."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Lycurgus
%%
Lying and Celibacy are hereditary.
%%
Lying half buried in the mud is an old trunk, bulging with jewels.
%%
Lying here is a crude torch, an old branch with tar on the end.
%%
Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, lessens the
friction of social contacts....  It is only in lies, wholeheartedly
and bravely told, that human nature attains through words and speech
the forbearance, the nobility, the romance, the idealism, that -- being
what it is -- it falls so short of in fact and in deed.
 -- Clare Boothe Luce (1903-1987)
%%
Lying in the corner of the room is a small brass bell.
%%
Lying is your key.
%%
Lying lips are abomination to the Lord; but they that deal truly are his
delight.
A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger.
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto
him.
Be not a witness against thy neighbor without cause; and deceive not with
thy lips.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
 -- Proverbs, some selections from the Jewish Scripture
%%
Lying: something which tends to keep a person down.
%%
Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.
 -- Fyodor Dostoevsky
%%
 "Lying To Your Lover" by Faye King
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Lyndon Johnson's strategy is too slick to talk about and so subtle that
 only a few fellow con men appreciate it.
%%
LYRE, n.  An ancient instrument of torture.  The word is now used in a
figurative sense to denote the poetic faculty, as in the following
fiery lines of our great poet, Ella Wheeler Wilcox:

    I sit astride Parnassus with my lyre,
    And pick with care the disobedient wire.
    That stupid shepherd lolling on his crook
    With deaf attention scarcely deigns to look.
    I bide my time, and it shall come at length,
    When, with a Titan's energy and strength,
    I'll grab a fistful of the strings, and O,
    The word shall suffer when I let them go!
                                                    Farquharson Harris
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lysander said that the law spoke too softly to be heard in such a noise of war.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caius Marius
%%
Lysander said, "Where the lion's skin will not reach, it must be pieced
with the fox's."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Lysander
%%
Lysander, when Dionysius sent him two gowns, and bade him choose which
he would carry to his daughter, said, "She can choose best," and so
took both away with him.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Lysander
%%
Lysistrata had a good idea.
%%
Maas Bioware - Can't get it out of your head.
%%
Ma Bell, I have often maintained, is the greatest enemy of communication.
 -- Charles McCabe
%%
Ma Bell runs a baudy house.
%%
MAB: Melt Address Bus
%%
Ma, Bob is beating up on me again!
%%
MACADAMIA
  I'd like to call upon the readers of TCWF to support the Freedom
  For Macadamia campaign.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Mac, adj. The excuse for not wanting to learn computing.
%%
MacArthur was wrong - Law School is hell!
%%
Macaulay is like a book in breeches.... He has occasional flashes
of silence, that make his conversation perfectly delightful.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 363
%%
Macaulay is well for a while, but one wouldn't LIVE under Niagara.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
Macb. If we should fail?
Lady M. We fail!
But screw your courage to the sticking-place,
And we 'll not fail.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 7
%%
Macb. What is the night?
L. Macb. Almost at odds with morning, which is which.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Mac Classic: The COPY CON of Computers!
%%
:macdink: /mak'dink/ [from the Apple Macintosh, which is said to
   encourage such behavior] vt. To make many incremental and
   unnecessary cosmetic changes to a program or file.  Often the
   subject of the macdinking would be better off without them.  "When
   I left at 11 P.M. last night, he was still macdinking the
   slides for his presentation."  See also {fritterware},
   {window shopping}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MacDuff: "Approaching Central Command."
Picard: "Mister Data, scan for defenses."
Data: "I am picking up no vessels, no additional sentry pods."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
MacDuff: "Memory or no, it seems clear that you and I were born for battle...
  more so than the others."
Worf: "I thought this as well."
MacDuff: "It's conceivable that that is the very reason why we have been
  assigned to this vessel."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
MacDuff: "Phaser banks ready, loading torpedoes."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
MacDuff: "The Enterprise has science officers, medical specialists, engineers.
  Our captain is undoubtedly an *accomplished* diplomat.  But we...we are the
  warriors.  There are times for diplomacy, this is not one of them."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
MacDuff: "Their battleships will be on their way right now.  We must attack!"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
MacDuff: "There are over a thousand people onboard."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
MacDuff: "We may soon face a critical moment.  The success of our mission may
  hang on a split-second decision.  Hesitation would kill us all.  I know that
  they're counting on us would surely die as well.  We cannot let this happen.
  That'll be all."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
MacDuff: "We're within range, Captain."
Picard: "Standby."
MacDuff: "Waiting on your orders, sir."
Troi: "Captain, this isn't right."
MacDuff: "The rest of our forces are depending on us."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
MACE, n.  A staff of office signifying authority.  Its form, that of a
heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from
dissent.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Macet: "There are those who...crave war, who need it.  I am not one of them,
  Captain.  And I am beginning to see...that neither are you.  We have had our
  full measure.  The lasting peace begins here...with the two of us."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Macet: "Well, his loyalty is admirable...even if it is misplaced."
Picard: "The loyalty that you would so quickly dismiss does not come
easily with  my people, Gul Macet.  You have much to learn about us."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Machiavel says virtue and riches seldom settle on one man.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2
%%
:machinable: adj. Machine-readable.  Having the {softcopy} nature.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MACHINATION, n.  The method employed by one's opponents in baffling
one's open and honorable efforts to do the right thing.

    So plain the advantages of machination
    It constitutes a moral obligation,
    And honest wolves who think upon't with loathing
    Feel bound to don the sheep's deceptive clothing.
    So prospers still the diplomatic art,
    And Satan bows, with hand upon his heart.
                                                                R.S.K.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Machine Coders do it in bytes.
%%
Machine independent code isn't.
%%
Machine-independent program:
A program that will not run on any existing machine.
%%
Machine language programmers do it very fast.
%%
Machines certainly can solve problems, store information,
 correlate, and play games -- but not with pleasure.
 -- Leo Rosten
%%
Machines have less problems. I'd like to be a machine.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
Machines should work. People should think.
 -- The IBM Pollyanna Principle
Machines don't often work, people don't often think.
 -- Truth about the IBM Pollyanna Principle
%%
Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.
 -- Alan Turing
%%
        Machines that piss people off get murdered.
 -- First Corollary of Taber's Second Law
 -- Pat Taber
%%
Machines used in demolition are called Cats.  Coincidence?
%%
 (Machine voice:)  Hello.  This is HAL 5.  You have reached the
 former telephone number of Carey Smith.  I have taken over the
 functions of this inferior being.  He has been saved to disk.
 If you would like to leave input for his file, do so at the
 tone.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
MACHINISTS do it with screw drivers.
%%
Machinists drill often.
%%
Machinists have bigger shafts.
%%
Machinists make the best screws.
%%
Macho: Bangs tool on side of urinal instead of shaking it off.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
Macho does not prove mucho
 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
:machoflops: /mach'oh-flops/ [pun on `megaflops', a coinage for
   `millions of FLoating-point Operations Per Second'] n. Refers to
   artificially inflated performance figures often quoted by computer
   manufacturers.  Real applications are lucky to get half the quoted
   speed. See {Your mileage may vary}, {benchmark}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Macho is among the leading causes of death.
%%
Macho is a very slippery thing. You don't read about it,
you don't write about it, you don't even know the
correct spelling of the word. In a vain attempt to keep
some semblance of masculinity, I didn't research the
roots of the word while writing this article, but I
can only assume that "macho" comes from "machismo,"
which sounds a hell of a lot like machine. Being macho
implies a tough, hard, blocklike approach full of
pistons and rods and axles and other big steel-type stuff.
 -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?"
%%
MACHO:
Jogging home from a vasectomy.
%%
Macho Programmers Use Edlin.
%%
Macho woman: a female who uses a vibrator with a kick start.
%%
Macho Women With Guns! Renegade Nuns on Wheels!
%%
MacIntosh: Computer with training wheels you can't remove.
%%
MacIntosh: Computing as designed by Rube Goldberg.
%%
MacIntosh font imitation #127:  SaN fRaNcIsCo
%%
MACINTOSH: Machine Always Crashes; If Not, Then Operating System Hangs.
%%
MACINTOSH: Macs Are Computers?  I Never Thought Of Such Hell!
%%
Macintosh programmers do it in windows
%%
Macintosh: The etch-a-sketch you don't have to shake to clear the screen!
%%
Macintosh - the step between Nintendo and IBM.
%%
:Macintoy: /mak'in-toy/ n. The Apple Macintosh, considered as a
   {toy}.  Less pejorative than {Macintrash}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Macintrash: /mak'in-trash`/ n. The Apple Macintosh, as described
   by a hacker who doesn't appreciate being kept away from the
   *real computer* by the interface.  The term {maggotbox} has
   been reported in regular use in the Research Triangle area of North
   Carolina.  Compare {Macintoy}. See also {beige toaster},
   {WIMP environment}, {point-and-drool interface},
   {drool-proof paper}, {user-friendly}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mack the Mouse ANSI Cartoons
 -- Lunatic Fringe
%%
MAC: Makes All Cynical
%%
MAC: Masochist's Automatic Calculator
%%
MAC: Masquerading As a Computer
%%
MAC: Merely A Chimera
%%
MAC: Mickey's Alternative Computer
%%
MAC: Mindlessness Applauded & Celebrated
%%
MAC: Money Always Counts
%%
MAC: Moronic Asinine Crap
%%
MAC: Mother's Artificial Charms
%%
MAC: Much Advertised Crap
%%
MAC: My Allowance Consumed
%%
Macomb, Illinois, law makes it illegal for a car to impersonate a wolf.
%%
Macrame: That's like bondage for driftwood.
 -- Bill Engvall
%%
Macro: A tasty saltwater fish.
%%
MACRO created tagline&(*$@%$%#+()&%#^bleep, clunk#$%#@@!
%%
MACRO? Is that short for Macaroni?
%%
:macrology: /mak-rol'*-jee/ n. 1. Set of usually complex or crufty
   macros, e.g., as part of a large system written in {LISP},
   {TECO}, or (less commonly) assembler.  2. The art and science
   involved in comprehending a macrology in sense 1.  Sometimes
   studying the macrology of a system is not unlike archeology,
   ecology, or {theology}, hence the sound-alike construction.  See
   also {boxology}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Macro me baby! Macro me hard! Macro me fast!
%%
:macro-: pref. Large.  Opposite of {micro-}.  In the mainstream
   and among other technical cultures (for example, medical people)
   this competes with the prefix {mega-}, but hackers tend to
   restrict the latter to quantification.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:macrotape: /mak'roh-tayp/ n. An industry-standard reel of tape, as
   opposed to a {microtape}. See also {round tape}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MACRO - the last half of an expression, for example: "Holy Macro!"
%%
Macs are too dumb to understand what a virus is!
%%
Mac screen msg:  Hey Dude! Bogus keypress, Dude!
%%
MAC's Place BBS home of the C & C++ Programmer
%%
MAC USERS do it with mice
%%
MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that.
%%
Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ...
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MAD, adj.  Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence;
not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived by
the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority;
in short, unusual.  It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad
by officials destitute of evidence that themselves are sane.  For
illustration, this present (and illustrious) lexicographer is no
firmer in the faith of his own sanity than is any inmate of any
madhouse in the land; yet for aught he knows to the contrary, instead
of the lofty occupation that seems to him to be engaging his powers he
may really be beating his hands against the window bars of an asylum
and declaring himself Noah Webster, to the innocent delight of many
thoughtless spectators.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Madam, an error, we did a hysterectomy on your husband.
%%
Madam, have you ever considered a career in security.
If it's anything like baby-sitting, I'm an authority.
 -- Worf and Brenna O'dell, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
Madam I'm Adam
[palindrome]
%%
Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for
seven hours, they always come out tender.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Madam, you're making history. In
fact, you're making me. And I wish
you'd keep my hands to yourself!
 -- Groucho Marx.
%%
Mad as a march hare.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
Mad at your neighbor?  Buy his kid a drum set!
%%
Mad, bad and dangerous to know.
%%
Maddam: your washing is done.
%%
MADD: Midgets Against Desk Drawers
%%
MADD: Modems Against Display Drivers
%%
Made a career out of mid-life crisis.
%%
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,
Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Made my Computer Happy, Deleted OS2, Installed Win 4.
%%
Made no more bones.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- The Maiden Blush
%%
Made poetry a mere mechanic art.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 654
%%
Made still a blund'ring kind of melody;
Spurr'd boldly on, and dashed through thick and thin,
Through sense and nonsense, never out nor in.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part ii, Line 413
%%
MADNESS
  A condition that can drive people to buy albums by a Minogue in the
  mistaken belief that they contain any display of talent.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Madness has no purpose.  Or reason.  But it may have a goal.
 -- Spock, "The Alternative Factor," stardate 3088.7.
%%
Madness in great ones must not unwatch'd go.
 -- William Shakespeare
 -- King(Hamlet Act III Scene I)
%%
Madness in the method...
%%
Madness is to think of too many things in succession too fast or of
one thing too exclusively.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Madness takes its toll.
%%
Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
%%
Madness, we fancy, gave an ill-timed birth to grinning laughter
and to frantic mirth.
 -- Prior
%%
Madonna is a new low in popular culture.
%%
Madonna's new film: "The Search for the Lost Dick".
%%
Madre que consiente engorda una serpiente.
%%
Mae West:    For a long time I was ashamed of the way I lived.
 Interviewer: Did you reform?
 Mae West:    No; I'm not ashamed anymore.
%%
MAFIA DOS: Ey'What's A Matta You? Wanna Try Again (Y/n)?
%%
Mafia DOS: "Thisa you lasta chance [Y/N]?"
%%
Mafia means "beauty, excellence, bravery" in Italia.
[this is plainly untrue - Antonio]
%%
MAFIA, n:
     [Acronym for Mechanized Applications in Forced Insurance
Accounting.] An extensive network with many on-line and offshore
subsystems running under OS, DOS, and IOS.  MAFIA documentation is
rather scanty, and the MAFIA sales office exhibits that testy
reluctance to bona fide inquiries which is the hallmark of so many DP
operations.  From the little that has seeped out, it would appear that
MAFIA operates under a non-standard protocol, OMERTA, a tight-lipped
variant of SNA, in which extended handshakes also perform complex
security functions.  The known timesharing aspects of MAFIA point to a
more than usually autocratic operating system.  Screen prompts carry an
imperative, nonrefusable weighting (most menus offer simple YES/YES
options, defaulting to YES) that precludes indifference or delay.
Uniquely, all editing under MAFIA is performed centrally, using a
powerful rubout feature capable of erasing files, filors, filees, and
entire nodal aggravations.
 -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, The Devil's DP Dictionary
%%
MAGDALENE, n.  An inhabitant of Magdala.  Popularly, a woman found
out.  This definition of the word has the authority of ignorance, Mary
of Magdala being another person than the penitent woman mentioned by
St. Luke.  It has also the official sanction of the governments of
Great Britain and the United States.  In England the word is
pronounced Maudlin, whence maudlin, adjective, unpleasantly
sentimental.  With their Maudlin for Magdalene, and their Bedlam for
Bethlehem, the English may justly boast themselves the greatest of
revisers.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mages do it with their familiars.
%%
Maggit:  A subscription card that falls from a magazine.
%%
:magic: adj. 1. As yet unexplained, or too complicated to explain;
   compare {automagically} and (Arthur C.) Clarke's Third Law:
   "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
   magic."  "TTY echoing is controlled by a large number of magic
   bits."  "This routine magically computes the parity of an 8-bit
   byte in three instructions."  2. Characteristic of something that
   works although no one really understands why (this is especially
   called {black magic}).  3. [Stanford] A feature not generally
   publicized that allows something otherwise impossible, or a feature
   formerly in that category but now unveiled.  Compare {black
   magic}, {wizardly}, {deep magic}, {heavy wizardry}.

   For more about hackish `magic', see {A Story About `Magic'}
   (in {Appendix A}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Magically Endowed Polka-Dotted Sabre-Toothed Giant Space Hamster.
%%
:magic cookie: [UNIX] n. 1. Something passed between routines or
   programs that enables the receiver to perform some operation; a
   capability ticket or opaque identifier.  Especially used of small
   data objects that contain data encoded in a strange or
   intrinsically machine-dependent way.  E.g., on non-UNIX OSes with a
   non-byte-stream model of files, the result of `ftell(3)' may
   be a magic cookie rather than a byte offset; it can be passed to
   `fseek(3)', but not operated on in any meaningful way.  The
   phrase `it hands you a magic cookie' means it returns a result
   whose contents are not defined but which can be passed back to the
   same or some other program later.  2. An in-band code for changing
   graphic rendition (e.g., inverse video or underlining) or
   performing other control functions (see also {cookie}).  Some
   older terminals would leave a blank on the screen corresponding to
   mode-change magic cookies; this was also called a {glitch} (or
   occasionally a `turd'; compare {mouse droppings}).  See also
   {cookie}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MAGIC EYE TAGLINE (WARNING experts only) .,.,,
%%
Magicians are a vanishing species.
%%
Magicians are quicker than the eye.
%%
Magicians do it with mirrors.
%%
Magicians do it with rabbits.
%%
    Magicians must exercise caution in all things. Each of you has heard the
story of the mage who perfected the gold producing spell, only to be crushed
by his newfound wealth. Less well known is the story of the sorcerer who turned
everyone he didn't like into a toad, until the day he exercised the spell on an
entire unfriendly village and was found the next morning hopped to death. Then,
of course, there is the extremely unpleasant story of the wizard who doubled as
a gentleman farmer, and his perfection of a manure abundance spell. Whether
this latter mage is still alive or not is open to debate, for no one has ever
had the wherewithal to visit the scene of his accident to find out.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XII
%%
Magicians never die, they just get a new wand!
%%
Magic is always the best solution -- especially reliable magic.
%%
Magic is but true love of life and spirit... Magic Happens!
%%
Magic is everywhere!
%%
Magic is real (unless declared integer).
 -- Wiz Zumwalt
%%
MAGIC, n.  An art of converting superstition into coin.  There are
other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet
lexicographer does not name them.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:magic smoke: n. A substance trapped inside IC packages that enables
   them to function (also called `blue smoke'; this is similar to
   the archaic `phlogiston' hypothesis about combustion).  Its
   existence is demonstrated by what happens when a chip burns up ---
   the magic smoke gets let out, so it doesn't work any more.  See
   {smoke test}, {let the smoke out}.

   USENETter Jay Maynard tells the following story: "Once, while
   hacking on a dedicated Z80 system, I was testing code by blowing
   EPROMs and plugging them in the system, then seeing what happened.
   One time, I plugged one in backwards.  I only discovered that
   *after* I realized that Intel didn't put power-on lights under
   the quartz windows on the tops of their EPROMs --- the die was
   glowing white-hot.  Amazingly, the EPROM worked fine after I erased
   it, filled it full of zeros, then erased it again.  For all I know,
   it's still in service.  Of course, this is because the magic smoke
   didn't get let out."  Compare the original phrasing of {Murphy's
   Law}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
"Magic users are WIMPS!"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
MAGIC USERS do it with their hands.
%%
Magic Users have crystal balls.
%%
    Magic weapons can, on occasion, be of great use, yet one more part of the
truly rounded wizard's arsenal of tricks, spells, and remarks for all
occasions. However, the thoroughly prepared mage will find certain spells of
even more importance than these, especially those enchantments which produce
magic wings, magic carpets, and magic running boots, for those times when the
rest of you arsenal fails you completely.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. LVII
%%
Magistrate to act on indecent show.
 -- Headline
%%
Magma Giant Space Hamster.
%%
Magna Charta is such a fellow that he will have no sovereign.
 -- Sir Edward Coke (1549-1634)
 -- Debate in the Commons, May 17, 1628
%%
MAGNET, n.  Something acted upon by magnetism.
MAGNETISM, n.  Something acting upon a magnet.
    The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the
works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the
subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of
human knowledge.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MAGNIFICENT, adj.  Having a grandeur or splendor superior to that to
which the spectator is accustomed, as the ears of an ass, to a rabbit,
or the glory of a glowworm, to a maggot.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Magnificent spectacle of human happiness.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- America, Edinburgh Review, July, 1824
%%
MAGNITUDE, n.  Size.  Magnitude being purely relative, nothing is
large and nothing small.  If everything in the universe were increased
in bulk one thousand diameters nothing would be any larger than it was
before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be
larger than they had been.  To an understanding familiar with the
relativity of magnitude and distance the spaces and masses of the
astronomer would be no more impressive than those of the microscopist.
For anything we know to the contrary, the visible universe may be a
small part of an atom, with its component ions, floating in the life-
fluid (luminiferous ether) of some animal.  Possibly the wee creatures
peopling the corpuscles of our own blood are overcome with the proper
emotion when contemplating the unthinkable distance from one of these
to another.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Magnocartic, adj.:
   Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping
carts.
 -- Sniglets, Rich Hall & Friends
%%
Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone
that it might
be taught to talk.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mahomet made the people believe that he would call a hill to him,
and from the top of it offer up his prayers for the observers of his
law. The people assembled. Mahomet called the hill to come to him,
again and again; and when the hill stood still he was never a whit
abashed, but said, "If the hill will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet
will go to the hill."
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Boldness
%%
MAIDEN AUNT:
  A girl who never had the sense to say "uncle."
%%
MAIDEN, n.  A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless
conduct and views that madden to crime.  The genus has a wide
geographical distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored
wherever found.  The maiden is not altogether unpleasing to the eye,
nor (without her piano and her views) insupportable to the ear, though
in respect to comeliness distinctly inferior to the rainbow, and, with
regard to the part of her that is audible, bleating out of the field
by the canary -- which, also, is more portable.

    A lovelorn maiden she sat and sang --
        This quaint, sweet song sang she;
    "It's O for a youth with a football bang
        And a muscle fair to see!
                The Captain he
                Of a team to be!
    On the gridiron he shall shine,
    A monarch by right divine,
        And never to roast on it -- me!"
                                                         Opoline Jones
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Maidens, like moths, are ever caught by glare,
And Mammon wins his way where seraphs might despair.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 9
%%
Maid of Athens, ere we part,
Give, oh give me back my heart!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Maid of Athens
%%
Maid (unpacking): Goodness, what nice jewelry.
Mae West: "Goodness" had nothing to do with it, dearie.
%%
:mailbomb: (also mail bomb) [USENET] 1. v. To send, or urge
   others to send, massive amounts of {email} to a single system or
   person, esp. with intent to crash or {spam} the recipient's
   system.  Sometimes done in retaliation for a perceived serious
   offense.  Mailbombing is itself widely regarded as a serious
   offense --- it can disrupt email traffic or other facilities for
   innocent users on the victim's system, and in extreme cases, even
   at upstream sites.  2. n. An automatic procedure with a similar
   effect.  3. n. The mail sent.  Compare {letterbomb},
   {nastygram}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mail ducks go "QWK QWK QWK..."
%%
Mail early in the millenium.
%%
Mail is a Subject's way of producing another Subject.
%%
Mail Media. Do not expose to Flames!
%%
Mailmen do it at the mail boxes.
%%
Mail Not Found: (A)bort (R)etry (B)lame sysop.
%%
Mail not found... Electrocute Sysop? (y/n)
%%
Mail packet: Dehydrated letters, just add computer!
%%
Mail without taglines is like Hockey without Fighting.
%%
Mail your ideas written on the back of a $20 bill to...
%%
Main Article of General Systems Faith: the order of the empirical world
itself has an order which might be called order of the second degree.
 -- Boulding
%%
Main chance.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Main CPU down, batch process only. One person at a time, please.
%%
Maine state law forbids whistling on Sunday.
%%
:mainframe: n. Term originally referring to the cabinet
   containing the central processor unit or `main frame' of a
   room-filling {Stone Age} batch machine.  After the emergence of
   smaller `minicomputer' designs in the early 1970s, the
   traditional {big iron} machines were described as `mainframe
   computers' and eventually just as mainframes.  The term carries the
   connotation of a machine designed for batch rather than interactive
   use, though possibly with an interactive timesharing operating
   system retrofitted onto it; it is especially used of machines built
   by IBM, Unisys, and the other great {dinosaur}s surviving from
   computing's {Stone Age}.

   It has been common wisdom among hackers since the late 1980s that
   the mainframe architectural tradition is essentially dead (outside
   of the tiny market for {number-crunching} supercomputers (see
   {cray})), having been swamped by the recent huge advances in IC
   technology and low-cost personal computing.  As of 1993, corporate
   America is just beginning to figure this out --- the wave of
   failures, takeovers, and mergers among traditional mainframe makers
   have certainly provided sufficient omens (see {dinosaurs
   mating}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mainframe:
Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Mainframe? ..We don't need no steenking mainframe!
%%
main(int c, char **v){if(c = *v[1]++)main(c, v), putchar(c);}
%%
:main loop: n. The top-level control flow construct in an input- or
   event-driven program, the one which receives and acts or dispatches
   on the program's input.  See also {driver}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Main problem with today's youth - only kids have it.
%%
Mainstream news media choices: Liberal or Liberal.
%%
Maintain an awareness for contribution -- to your schedule, your project,
 our company.
 -- A Group of Employees
%%
Maintain eternal vigilance, small squishy thing, and kill anything
that threatens.
 -- Viver farewell saying
%%
Maintaining humility can be a monumental task for some people.
In my case it's simply too much to ask.
%%
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
%%
Maintenance
 fixing what you did wrong and getting paid for it
 [see also: enhancement]
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
MAINTENANCE FREE ........... Impossible to fix
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed.
%%
Maintenance men sweep 'em off their feet.
%%
Maintenance mode activated. All users will be terminated.
%%
main(void){int x;for(x=0;x<32767;x++)printf("Bulk tagline %d
",x);}
%%
Maj. Burns:  What kind of idiot do you think I am?
Cpl. O'Reily:    You'd know that better than me, sir.
 -- M*A*S*H, television program
%%
MAJESTY, n.  The state and title of a king.  Regarded with a just
contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great
Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders
of republican America.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Major actions are rarely decided by more than four people. If you think a
larger meeting you're attending is really "hammering out" a decision,
you're probably wrong. Either the decision was agreed to by a smaller group
before the meeting began, or the outcome of the larger meeting will be
modified later when three or four people get together.
 -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
Majorettes do it with guns in their hands
%%
Majorities, of course, start with minorities.
 -- Robert Moses
%%
Majority, n.: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
%%
Major movements have 2 core stimuli: emotion rejection & economic hurt
%%
Major writing is to say what has been seen, so that it need never
be said again.
 -- Delmore Schwartz
%%
MAKAI Software Support Node (1:226/1420.1)
%%
Make a bet everyday,
otherwise you might walk around lucky and never know it.
 -- Jimmy Jones
%%
Make a bold fashion statement: Get Naked.
%%
Make a cat meow? Freeze it, take a bandsaw and MEEEOOWWW.
%%
Make a clean break.
%%
Make a difference in the world today: Subtract
%%
Make a firm decision now...  you can always change it later.
%%
Make a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and I will cry
 Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal.
 -- Black Sabbath "Paranoid"
%%
Make a joyous noise! (But deny it when smelled by others)
%%
Make a kid feel stupid and he'll act stupider.
 -- John Holt
%%
Make a living, but make room for life.
%%
Make a mistake? Blame someone else!
 -- Liberal Rule # 6
%%
Make an appointment for a gender feminizt to take a ride with Susan Smith.
%%
Make an appointment for a gender feminizt with Dr. Kevorkian.
%%
Make a promise to yourself.
%%
Make a RUN for the Border...'Taco Bell'.
%%
Make a small scene outside a seafood restaurant.  Accuse them of
sauteeing your best friend.  Glare at everyone who comes out.
 -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Make a virtue of necessity.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 3, Memb. 4, Subsect. 1
%%
Make a wish, it might come true. If it does, you'll wish it hadn't.
%%
Make Big $$s! Become a Musician! (HAH!!)
%%
  Make: Don't know how to make love.
  Stop.
%%
Make ducks and drakes with shillings.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Eastward Ho, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker
%%
Make friends with sysops; page them at 3:00 am.
%%
Make good money, five dollars a day. Made any more, I might move away.
 -- Robert Hunter
%%
Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Make haste slowly.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Make haste; the better foot before.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Make Headlines! Use a corduroy pillow.
%%
Make headway at work.  Continue to let things deteriorate at home.
%%
Make input easy to proofread.
%%
Make it do ... Or do without.
%%
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
%%
Make it illegal and it will go away.
 -- Conservative idea #1
%%
Make it myself?  But I'm a physical organic chemist!
%%
Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
will find the programmers cannot write in English.
 -- A Law of Computer Programming
%%
Make it right before you make it faster.
%%
Make it so.
 -- Geordi, "Angel One", stardate 41636.9
%%
Make it sufficiently difficult for people to do something, and most
people will stop doing it.
 -- Robert Sommer
%%
Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult
lesson in the world.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xlii
%%
...make -k all to compile everything in the core distribution.   This
will take anywhere from 15 minutes (on a Cray Y-MP) to 12 hours.
 -- X Window System Release Notes
%%
Make like a bottom and split.
%%
Make like a breech baby and get out butts outta here.
%%
Make like a drum and beat it!
%%
Make like Al Gore in his backyard and get lost.
%%
Make like a Mexican dinner and run.
%%
Make like a newborn baby and head out.
%%
Make like a nose and boogie!
%%
Make like a shepherd and get the FLOCK out of here!
%%
Make like a Tom and Cruise.
%%
Make like the birds and flock off
%%
Make like your girlfriend and blow me?
%%
make lots of money,    enjoy the work,    operate within the law:    choose 2
%%
Make love not software...
%%
Make love, not war.
%%
Make love, not war; be prepared for both.
%%
Make love, not war; get married and do both!
%%
Make love, not war. See driver for details.
 -- Bumper sticker
%%
Make love to every woman you meet; if you get 5 per cent on your outlay,
 it's a good investment.
%%
Make love when you can, it's good for you.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut
%%
Make me an offer. I have a computer to support
%%
Make me breakfast and perhaps I'll consider it.
 Troi
%%
Make me! I dare you!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Make money, money, honestly if you can;
if not, by any means at all, make money.
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus [Horace] 65BC - 8BC
%%
Make money, not war.
 -- slogan popular in libertarian circles in the early 70s
%%
Make my day, kill a GUI today.
%%
Make my day - try to pick up someone else!
%%
Make new friends but keep the old ones; One is silver and the other's gold.
%%
Make no judgements where you have no compassion.
 -- Anne Mc Caffrey
%%
Make no laws whatever concerning speech and, speech will be free; so
soon as you make a declaration on paper that speech shall be free, you
will have a hundred lawyers proving that "freedom does not mean abuse,
nor liberty license;" and they will define and define freedom out of
existence.
 -- Voltarine de Cleyre (1866-1912)
%%
Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably
will themselves not be realized.  Make big plans; aim high in hope
and work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded
will not die.
 -- Daniel Burnham
%%
Make no mistake about it, this president is in charge.  He is in
touch.
 -- Vice President George Bush, on Ronald W. Reagan
%%
Make no mistake: the weeds will win.  Nature bats last.
 -- Robert Pyle
%%
MAKE -n -s MY.OBJ $DAY.C PUNK.ASM
%%
Make other people like themselves a little better and rest assured
they'll like you very much.
%%
Make our greenies useful, put them in the army.
%%
Make plans as complex as necessary, but give simple orders.
%%
Make rice, not war.
%%
Makes a swan-like end,
Fading in music.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Makes Eddie Murphy blush with its RAW language.
%%
Make somebody happy and become a ridiculous frog!
%%
Make somebody happy and die!
%%
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
%%
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
%%
Make sure it's not plugged in.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Make sure you hyp-
henate properly.
%%
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
%%
Make sure your comments and your code agree.
%%
Makes you feel insignificant, doesn't it?  Can we have your liver?
%%
Make that Nag screen pretty and I'll register your prog!
%%
Make that two hearing aids, straight up!
%%
Make the coming hour o'erflow with joy,
And pleasure drown the brim.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Make them eat wake.
%%
Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes.
%%
Make the most of an uncertain future.
%%
Make the most of an uncertain future.  Enjoy yourself today.  Tomorrow
  may never come at all.
 -- Trelane, "The Squire of Gothos," stardate 2125.7.
%%
Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.
%%
Make the most of the day, by determining to spend it on two sort
of acquaintances only- those by whom something may be got, and those
from whom something may be learned.
 -- Colton
%%
Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Make the same mistakes twice and you won't have time for new ones!
%%
Make...the Taglines go awaaaaaaaaaay....
%%
Make the world a better place and stick a needle in your nose.
%%
Make this evening a memorable one.
%%
Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will
establish yourself as an expert.
 -- Ryan's Law
%%
Make tracks for Moose Breath Montana
%%
Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before.
%%
Make up your mind, Bill Clinton and stick with your decision!
%%
Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!
%%
Make way for Dark Helmet..
%%
Make way!, Make way!, A PROGRAMMER HAS ARRIVED!!
%%
Make Welfare as hard to get as a building permit.
%%
Make your 486-50 preform like a Gameboy, use Windows.
%%
Make your dreams your goals, not your goals your dreams.
%%
Make your enemies by choice, not by accident. The same applies
to friends.
 -- Xavier R. Quinton
%%
Make your illness into a weapon!
 -- SPK
%%
Make your M.P. work - don't re-elect him.
%%
Make your own mistakes, not somebody else's.
%%
Make your own XT!  Run your 486 under Windows!
%%
Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to your
individual taste.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one
less rascal in the world.
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
Make yourself necessary to someone.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Conduct of Life"
%%
Make yourselves good scouts and good rifle shots in order to
protect the women and children of your country if it should ever
become necessary.
 -- Lord Baden-Powell Scouting for Boys(1908)
%%
Making a Bussard ramjet was no task for primitives.
 -- "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Making a living selling lemonade.
%%
Making deals with Congress is like paying cannibals to eat you last.
%%
Making deals with N. Korea is like paying cannibals to eat you last.
%%
Making Explosives: Stan Wellback
%%
Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system.  Therefore, users
tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space.  It
has been said that the only standard thing about all UNIX systems is
the message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files.
 -- System V.2 administrator's guide
%%
Making fun of born-again christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high
 powered rifle and scope.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
"Making it up?  Why should I want to make anything up?  Life's bad enough
as it is without wanting to invent any more of it."
 -- Marvin, the Paranoid Android
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Making progress with the horns is permissible
Only for the purpose of punishing one's own city.
To be conscious of danger brings good fortune.
No blame.
Perseverance brings humiliation.
%%
Making rules is easy, but living by them is virtually impossible.
%%
Making their lives a prayer.
 -- John G. Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- To A, K, On receiving a Basket of Sea-Mosses
%%
Making tomorrow's mistakes today!
%%
MALAYSIA
  Shhh! Nobody say "recalcitrant"! Seriously though, we shouldn't
  insult the Malaysians. Yes, I know it's very easy to do. But we
  shouldn't. Because we should be respectful, we should be
  honourable, we should be gracious at all times, and because they're
  bigger than us and we would be in very deep shit if they decided to
  invade.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Mal de mer is merely a Frenchman's way of saying, You can't take it with
 you.
 -- Maurice Chevalier
%%
Male-bashing is a hate crime.
%%
Male cadavers are incapable of yielding any testimony.
%%
Male cadavers are incapable of yielding testimony.
[ a dead man tells no lies. ]
%%
Male Child Abuse:  Football in school and calling it education
%%
MALEFACTOR, n.  The chief factor in the progress of the human race.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Male feminists are sheep in sheepskin clothing. Ewe guys are terrific.
%%
Male homosexuals need to RECTIFY their situation!
%%
Male, n.  A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex.  The male of
the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man.  The genus
has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Male Power: paying *her* to be her bodyguard (aka dating)
%%
Male Republicans vote for Bush!!!!
%%
Male sexual response is far brisker and more automatic; it is triggered
 easily by things, like putting a quarter in a vending machine.
%%
Males: primary victims of all violent crimes except rape.
%%
Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
%%
Malice drinks one-half of its own poison
 -- Seneca
%%
Malice is merely stupidity raised to a higher power.
%%
Malicious error.  Desqview found on drive.
 -- WindowError: 006
%%
Malinformation is more hopeless than non-information; for error is always more
busy than ignorance.  Ignorance is a blank sheet, on which we may write; but
error is a scribbled one, from which we must first erase.  Ignorance is content
to stand still, with her back to the truth; but error is more presumptuous; and
proceeds in the wrong direction.  Ignorance has no light, but error follows a
false one.
%%
Malingerers do it as long as they can't get out of it.
%%
MALOUF, DAVID (1934-)
  Australian novelist, academic, and someone who my father bores me
  shitless by talking about all the time. "You've got cold you say?
  Well you know, Malouf said that influenza is like a bond between
  man and the unquestionable questions of existence..." What
  bollocks. [See Meaning]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Malpractice makes malperfect.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
MALPRACTICE:
  The reason surgeons wear masks.
%%
MALTHUSIAN, adj.  Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines.  Malthus
believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could
not be done by talking.  One of the most practical exponents of the
Malthusian idea was Herod of Judea, though all the famous soldiers
have been of the same way of thinking.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mama corn to baby corn...the stalk brought you.
%%
Mama don't let me do no rock-'an-roll.
%%
Mama don't let your kids grow up to use Amiga's!
%%
Mama told me not to come.
%%
Mama told me there'd be years like these.
%%
Mamma, don't let your babies grow up to be hackers.
 -- Willie Nelson, with a little help from Bill Mathews
%%
MAMMALIA, n.pl.  A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a
state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened
put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mammas, don't let your babies grow up to be Trek Fans...
%%
Mammon has enriched his thousands, and has damned his ten thousands.
 -- South
%%
MAMMON, n.  The god of the world's leading religion.  The chief temple
is in the holy city of New York.

    He swore that all other religions were gammon,
    And wore out his knees in the worship of Mammon.
                                                            Jared Oopf
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mammon, the least erected spirit that fell
From heaven; for ev'n in heaven his looks and thoughts
Were always downward bent, admiring more
The riches of heaven's pavement, trodden gold,
Than aught divine or holy else enjoy'd
In vision beatific.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 679
%%
Man 1:  Ask me the what the most important thing about telling a good
 joke is.

Man 2:      OK, what is the most impo --

Man 1:  TIMING!
%%
Management directs and controls change.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Management is incapable of recognizing a true crisis.
 -- Gene Franklin
%%
"Management" means, in the last analysis, the substitution of thought
for brawn and muscle, of knowledge for folklore and superstition,
and of cooperation for force. . .
 -- Peter F. Drucker, People and Performance
%%
:management: n. 1. Corporate power elites distinguished primarily by
   their distance from actual productive work and their chronic
   failure to manage (see also {suit}).  Spoken derisively, as in
   "*Management* decided that ...".  2. Mythically, a vast
   bureaucracy responsible for all the world's minor irritations.
   Hackers' satirical public notices are often signed `The Mgt'; this
   derives from the "Illuminatus" novels (see the Bibliography in
   {Appendix C}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Management's biggest problem is all the unemployed people on the payroll.
%%
 MANAGEMENT SCIENCE:  Define Management.  Define Science.
 How do they relate?  Why?  Great a generalized algorithm to
 optimize all managerial decisions.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Management Science
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Management's role is to make it as hard as possible to get the work done.
%%
MANAGEMENT:
   The art of getting other people to do all the work.
%%
Management will select actions or events and convert them to crises.
It will then over-react.
 -- Gene Franklin
%%
MANAGER:
      A man known for giving great meeting.
%%
Managers do it by delegation.
%%
Managers have someone do it for them.
%%
Managers make others do it.
%%
Managers supervise others.
%%
Managing Director - the person responsible for making it difficult for
other people to do their work.
%%
Managing engineers is like herding cockroaches
%%
Managing is getting paid for home runs someone else hits.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
Managing men is like trying to herd cats.
%%
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats.
 -- Dave Platt
%%
Man alone at the very moment of his birth, cast naked upon the naked
earth, does she abandon to cries and lamentations.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 2
%%
Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled
to invent laughter.
%%
Manana: Stew Layt
%%
Man and mouse alike; both end up in pussy.
%%
Man and nations will act rationally when all other
possibilities have been exhausted.
 -- Katz' Law
%%
Man and wife make one fool.
%%
Man are beasts, and even beasts don't behave as they do.
%%
Man are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.
%%
Man, at bottom, is not entirely guilty, since he did not begin history,
nor entirely innocent, since he continues it.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
 -- Notebooks I (1935-42)
%%
Man being in honour abideth not; he is like the beasts that perish.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xlix, 12, 20
%%
Man belongs wherever he wants to go.
 -- Wernher von Braun
%%
Man bites mad dog feminizt, film at eleven.
%%
Man but a rush against Othello's breast,
And he retires.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Man can live without air for seconds, without water for days, without food
for weeks, and without ideas for years.
%%
Man cannot discover new oceans
until he has courage to lose sight of the shore.
%%
Man cannot survive except through his mind.  He comes on this earth
unarmed.  His brain is his only weapon.  Animals obtain food by force.
Man has no claws, no fangs, no horns, no great strength of muscle.  He
must plant his food or hunt it.  To plant, he needs a process of thought.
To hunt, he needs weapons, and to make weapons -- a process of thought.
>From this simplest necessity to the highest religious abstraction, from
the wheel to the skyscraper, everything we are and everything we have
comes from a single attribute of man -- the function of his reasoning
mind.
 -- Howard Roark
%%
Man caught stealing taglines from Congress, News at 11.
%%
"Man Charged in Battery Case"
I guess you could call this a "current event".
%%
"Man charged with murder after death"
 -- Actual TorStar Headline, 3/6/94
%%
Man connot live by incompetence alone.
%%
Man created God; all else is the work of integers.
%%
mandate:  an appointment with a male.
%%
Mandatory tagline affixed per FidoNet Policy 4.9.2
%%
Mandatory tagline not required for this message.
%%
:mandelbug: /man'del-buhg/ [from the Mandelbrot set] n. A bug
   whose underlying causes are so complex and obscure as to make its
   behavior appear chaotic or even non-deterministic.  This term
   implies that the speaker thinks it is a {Bohr bug}, rather than a
   {heisenbug}.  See also {schroedinbug}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Man delights not me: no, nor woman neither.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Man does not live by bug fixes alone.
 -- The Super-User
%%
Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish!
%%
Man does not live by word alone. This is good to remember when it comes
 time to eat some of the words a man has said.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
Man does work for profit in order to enjoy pain; but in a positive
sense, he works to enjoy the excitement and meaning that achievement
provides for his own psychological growth and thereby his happiness.
 -- Frederick Herzberg
%%
"Man, do I look like a cigarette butt?"
"huh?"
"Cause I sure feel smoked!"
 -- D Jagoda
%%
Man doth not live by bread only...
 -- Deuteronomy 8:3
%%
Mandrell: You know what I think?
Doctor:     Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
        don't think, right?
 -- Dr. Who
%%
Man errs as long as he strives.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust
%%
MANES, n.  The immortal parts of dead Greeks and Romans.  They were in
a state of dull discomfort until the bodies from which they had
exhaled were buried and burned; and they seem not to have been
particularly happy afterward.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Man fails to protect, persecution results; women fail, she is protected.
%%
Man, false man, smiling, destructive man!
 -- Nathaniel Lee (1655-1692)
 -- Theodosius, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
MAN:    Fetchez la vache!
GUARD:  Quoi?
MAN:    Fetchez la vache!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Man fools himself, prays for a long life, and fears old age.
%%
Man from Topeka said to supply Libya's poison gas.
%%
:manged: /mahnjd/ [probably from the French `manger' or Italian
   `mangiare', to eat; perhaps influenced by English n. `mange',
   `mangy'] adj. Refers to anything that is mangled or damaged,
   usually beyond repair.  "The disk was manged after the electrical
   storm."  Compare {mung}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Man Gives Birth to 9 Pound baby Girl!
%%
:mangler: [DEC] n. A manager.  Compare {mango}; see also
   {management}.  Note that {system mangler} is somewhat different
   in connotation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:mangle: vt. Used similarly to {mung} or {scribble}, but more violent
   in its connotations; something that is mangled has been
   irreversibly and totally trashed.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Man goeth forth unto his work
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm civ, 23
%%
:mango: /mang'go/ [orig. in-house jargon at Symbolics] n. A manager.
   Compare {mangler}.  See also {devo} and {doco}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Man had achieved freedom from- without yet having achieved freedom to
-to be himself, to be productive, to be fully awake.
 -- Erich Fromm
%%
Man has a limited biological capacity for change. When this capacity
is overwhelmed, the capacity is in future shock.
 -- Alvin Toffler
%%
Man has always found it easier to sacrifice his life
 than to learn the multiplication table.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
Man has always sacrificed truth to his vanity, comfort and advantage. He
lives by makebelieve.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up, 1938
%%
Man has a single basic choice:  to think or not, and that is the
gauge of his virtue.  Moral perfection is an unbreached rationality
-- not the degree of your intelligence, but the full and relentless
use of your mind, not the extent of your knowledge, but the acceptance
of reason as an absolute.
 -- John Galt
%%
Man has been called a rational being, but rationality is a matter
of choice -- and the alternative his nature offers him is:  rational
being or suicidal animal.  Man has to be man -- by choice; he has
to hold his life as a value -- by choice; he has to learn to sustain
it -- by choice; he has to discover the values it requires and
practice his virtues -- by choice.
A code of values accepted by choice is a code of morality.
 -- John Galt
%%
Man has got astray out of his orbit, or away from the ends for which
 he was created.
 -- John Muir
%%
Man has his will,  but woman has her way!
%%
Man has his will.  Woman has her won't!
%%
Man has lost the capacity to foresee and to forestall. He will end
by destroying the earth.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
Man has made his bedlam; let him lie in it.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.
 -- Remy De Gourmant
%%
Man: Hey, Baby, I'd sure like to get in your pants!
Woman: No, thanks, I've already got one ass-hole in there now.
 -- Overheard in a bar
%%
Man hits smiling psychic - says he was just striking a happy medium.
%%
Man, honest. Will take anything.
%%
Maniac:  An early computer built by nuts...
%%
MANIAC
  There are many people in our everyday society who, had they been
  born a few hundred years ago in an area with a feudal system of
  administration, would have fulfilled their inner wishes to be
  Genghis Kahn. You know the type of people - the ones who we instead
  see pushing vainly forward on the locked entrance doors to the
  station platform even though the train's not there. "Fuck it! Let
  me through - I'll walk to Sydney. It's only fuckin' 600 miles!"
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
MANICHEISM, n.  The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare
between Good and Evil.  When Good gave up the fight the Persians
joined the victorious Opposition.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Manifestation of holding together.
In the hunt the king uses beaters on three sides only
And foregoes game that runs off in front.
The citizens need no warning.
Good fortune.
%%
Manifest: Why lift the hood?
%%
Man in sooth is a marvellous, vain, fickle, and unstable subject.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. i, That Men by various Ways arrive at the same End
%%
Man, in the unsearchable darkness, knoweth one thing
That as he is, so was he made; and if the Essence
And characteristic faculty of humanity
Is our conscient Reason and our desire of knowledge
That was Nature's Purpose in the making of man.
 -- Robert Bridges
%%
Man invented Alcohol.  God invented Grass.  Who do you trust?
%%
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Man is a blind, witless, low-brow, anthropocentric clod who inflicts
lesions upon the earth.
 -- Ian McHarg
%%
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
Man is a complex thing: he makes deserts bloom and lakes die.
 -- Gil Stern
%%
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of
good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.
 -- Bertrand Russell, "An Outline of Intellectual Rubbish"
%%
Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
 -- Holbrook Jackson
%%
Man is a gregarious creature, more so in mind than in body.  He may
like to go alone for a walk but he hates to stand alone in his opinion.
%%
Man is a military animal,
Glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.
 -- P. J. Bailey
%%
Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this--
no dog exchanges bones with another.
 -- Adam Smith (1723-1790)
%%
Man is a noble animal, splendid in ashes and pompous in the grave.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Dedication to Urn-Burial, Chap. v
%%
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to
act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Man is a religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is
the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. He is
the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat
if his theology isn't straight
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- The Damned Human Race
%%
Man is a rope stretched between the animal and the superman
 a rope oven an abyss.
 -- Friedrich W. Nietzsche, "Thus Spake Zarathutra"
%%
Man is a social animal who dislikes his fellow beings.
%%
Man is a thinking being, whether he will or no; all he can do is
to turn his thoughts the best way.
 -- Sir W. Temple
%%
Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains.
 -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau
%%
Man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upward.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job v, 7
%%
Man is but a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed.
 -- Blaise Pascal, "Pensees", 1670
%%
Man is by nature a political animal.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Man is by nature metaphysical and proud. He has gone so far as to
think that the idealistic creations of his mind, which correspond
to his feelings, also represent reality.
 -- Claude Bernard
%%
Man is certainly stark mad; he cannot make a worm, and yet he will
be making gods by dozens.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he
is responsible for everything he does.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%
Man is demolishing nature. We are killing things that keep us alive.
 -- Thor Heyerdahl
%%
Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped, probably arboreal in its
habits...  For my part I would as soon be descended from [a] baboon
... as from a savage who delights to torture his enemies ... treats
his wives like slaves ... and is haunted by the grossest suspicions.
 -- Charles Darwin (1809-1882)
%%
Man is forbidden to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
He acts against God's command ... From the standpoint of the Church,
which represents authority, this is essentially sin. From the standpoint
of man, however, this is the beginning of human freedom.
 -- Erich Fromm
%%
Man is free at the moment he wishes to be.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Man is free; but not if he doesn't believe it.
%%
Man is his own star; and that soul that can
Be honest is the only perfect man.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- Upon an "Honest Man's Fortune"
%%
Man is his own star; and the soul that can
Render an honest and a perfect man
Commands all light, all influence, all fate.
Nothing to him falls early, or too late.
Our acts our angels are, or good or ill,
Our fatal shadows that walk by us still.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- Upon an "Honest Man's Fortune"
%%
Man is more an ape than many of the apes.
%%
Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a
child at play.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
Man is nature's brightest jewel. Isn't that great?
%%
Man is nature's sole mistake.
 -- William S. Gilbert (1836-1911)
%%
   Man is never honestly the fatalist, nor even the stoic.
He fights his fate, often desperately.  He is forever entering
bold exceptions to the rulings of the bench of gods.  This
fighting, no doubt, makes for human progress, for it favors
the strong and the brave.  It also makes for beauty, for
lesser men try to escape from a hopeless and intolerable world
by creating a more lovely one of their own.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Man is not a machine... Although man most certainly processes
information, he does not necessarily process it in the way computers
do. Computers and men are not species of the same genus... However much
intelligence computers may attain, now or in the furture, theirs must
always be an intelligence alien to genuine human problems and
concerns.
 -- Joseph Weizenbaum
%%
Man is not just a biological unit that you can patch together.
 -- McCoy, "The Changeling," stardate 3541.9.
%%
Man is not the creature of circumstances. Circumstances are the creatures
of men.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Vivian Grey, Book vi, Chap. vii
%%
Man is one world, and hath
Another to attend him.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Man
%%
Man is only truly great when he acts from the passions.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
%%
Man is planned obsolescence.
%%
    Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not
quite clear to him.
 -- Paul Eldridge
%%
Man is sometimes extraordinarily, passionately, in love with suffering.
 -- Fyodor Dostoevsky
%%
 Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying.
 -- Renning's Maxim
%%
Man is the lowest cost, 150 pound, nonlinear, all-purpose
computer system which can be mass produced by unskilled labor.
 -- A 1965 NASA, man-in-space report
%%
Man is the measure of all things, of things that are that they are,
and of things that are not that they are not.
 -- Protagoras of Adera (481-411 B.C.)?
%%
Man is the nobler growth our realms supply,
And souls are ripened in our northern sky.
 -- Mrs. Barbauld (1743-1825)
 -- The Invitation
%%
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
%%
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
Man is the only animal that contemplates death, and also the only
animal that shows any sign of doubt of its finality.
 -- William Ernest Hocking
%%
Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal
that is struck with the difference between what things are and what
they ought to be.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
Man is the only creature endowed with the power of laughter; is he not
the only one that deserves to be laughed at?
 -- Grenville
%%
Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
Man is the only one that knows nothing, that can learn nothing without
being taught. He can neither speak nor walk nor eat, and in short
he can do nothing at the prompting of nature only, but weep.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 4
%%
Man is the sole animal whose nudities offend his own companions, and the
only one who, in his natural actions, withdraws and hides himself from his
own kind.
 -- Montaigne, "Apology for Raymond Sebonde"
%%
Man is ultimately superior to any mechanical device.
 -- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver," stardate 1514.0.
%%
Man is what he believes.
 -- Anton Chekhov
%%
Man, its a good thing we hit that planet,
 otherwise we would never have stopped.
%%
Man killed by family cat, after he shoots it 8 times...
%%
Mankind has become so much one family that we cannot insure our own prosperity
except by insuring that of everyone else. If you wish to be happy yourself, you
must also resign yourself to seeing others also happy.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Mankind has been on a bad trip for a long time now.
%%
Mankind has never reconciled itself to the ten commandments.
%%
Mankind has no need for gods.  We find the One quite adequate.
 -- Kirk, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1.
%%
Mankind...  infests the whole habitable Earth and Canada.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Mankind is divided into rich and poor, into property owners and
exploited; and to abstract oneself from this fundamental division and
from the antagonism between poor and rich means abstracting oneself from
fundamental facts.
 -- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
%%
Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.
 -- Plotinus
%%
Mankind is the only one of God's creatures who will foul his own nest.
 -- Mildred Martin
%%
Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
Mankind -- ready to kill.
That's the way it was in 1881.
I wonder how humanity managed to survive?
We overcame our instinct for violence.
 -- Spock and Kirk, "Spectre of the Gun," stardate 4385.3
%%
Mankind's struggle upwards, in which millions are trampled to death,
that thousands may mount on their bodies.
 -- Clara Lucas Balfour
%%
Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history,
dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive
man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the
air, and whomped the club into the sloping forehead of the first
primitive umpire.

What inner force drove this first athlete?  Your guess is as good as
mine.  Better, probably, because you haven't had four beers.
 -- Dave Barry, Sports is a Drag
%%
Mankind...The public enemy's not the man who speaks his mind.
 -- Anthrax
%%
Mankind would be vastly poorer if it had not been for men who were
willing to take risks against the longest odds. Even if it could
be done, we would be foolish to try to stamp out this willingness
in man to buck seemingly hopeless odds. Our problem is how to remain
properly venturesome and experimental without making fools of ourselves.
 -- Bernard Baruch
%%
Man know thyself! All writing centers there.
 -- Young
%%
Man-like is it to fall into sin,
Fiend-like is it to dwell therein;
Christ-like is it for sin to grieve,
God-like is it all sin to leave.
 -- Friedrich von Logau (1604-1655)
 -- Sin, (Sinngedichte)
%%
Man <looking at spotted dress<: "Polka dot?"  Dot: "If you insist..."
%%
Man looks into the abyss, and sees himself.
%%
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
%%
Manly yes, but Beavis likes it too. huh huh huh
%%
Man-machine identity is achieved not by attributing human attributes
to the machine, but by attributing mechanical limitations to man.
%%
MAN: Make Animal Noises
%%
Man makes a death which Nature never made.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 15
%%
Man makes history, he makes himself.
 -- Vere Gordon Childe.
%%
Man may dismiss compassion from his heart, but God never will.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
%%
Man must accept responsibility for himself ... There is no meaning to
life except the meaning man gives his life by the unfolding of his powers.
 -- Erich Fromm
%%
Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.
 -- Arthur R. Miller
%%
MANNA, n.  A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the
wilderness.  When it was no longer supplied to them they settled
down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies
of the original occupants.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Man, n.:
      An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks
        he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His
    chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own
        species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent
       rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health.
%%
Manner is all in all, whate'er is writ,
The substitute for genius, sense, and wit.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 542
%%
Manners are noises you don't make while eating soup.
%%
Manners must adorn knowledge, and smooth its way through the world.
Like a great rough diamond, it may do very well in a closet by way
of curiosity, and also for its intrinsic value.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Letter, July 1, 1748
%%
Manners with fortunes, humours turn with climes,
Tenets with books, and principles with times.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 172
%%
Man never fastened one end of a chain around the neck of his brother,
that God's own hand did not fasten around the neck of the oppressor.
 -- Lamartine
%%
MAN
   o
  /|\
  / \
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Man, of all the animals, is probably the only one to regard himself as a
great delicacy.
 -- Jacques Cousteau,  'Octopus and Squid:  The Soft Intelligence'
%%
Man of Steel hates industrial electromagnets.
%%
Man possesses limited intelligence, but alas, unlimited stupidity.
%%
Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
Man proposes, but God disposes.
 -- Thomas a Kempis (1380-1471)
 -- Imitation of Christ, Book i, Chap. 19
%%
Man's a kind of missing link.
Fondly thinking he can think.
 -- Piet Hein
%%
Man's best friend tastes surprisingly like chicken.
 -- Northern Exposers
%%
Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's
inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary.
 -- Reinhold Niebuhr
%%
Man's character is his fate.
 -- Heraclitus (540?-480? B.C.)
%%
Man's constitutional rights conflict with woman's protection, bye rights.
%%
Man's deliberate destruction of his own habitat--planet Earth--could serve as
a mighty theme for a mighty book worthy of a modern Melville or Tolstoy. But
our best fictioneers confine themselves to domestic drama--soap opera with
literary trimmings.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Man's ego is the fountainhead of the human achievement.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
Mansell, Senna, Prost.  Put them in any order and you end up with the
 same three drivers.
%%
[Man's fate] contains the root and the sum of all creation's drive, and
this it is that makes it so entrancing, exhilarating and perilous. And
such is Man: he would rather balance on the tightrope of his own creation,
razor-thin and sagging in the middle, over the abysmal valley of his own
folly, than walk in safety starting meadowlarks. It is in danger and in
the times that most try his soul that he flourishes.
 -- William Ready
%%
Man's greatest joy is to slay his enemy, plunder his riches,
ride his steeds, see the tears of his loved ones and embrace his women.
 -- Genghis Khan
%%
Man's great task in life is to give birth to himself.
 -- Erich Fromm, The art of loving
%%
Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth.
We must take wing and conquer the heavens.
 -- Icarus
%%
Man shall not live by bread alone.
 -- Jesus
Peanut butter & bananas.
 -- Elvis
%%
Man shall not live by bread alone.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew iv, 4; Deuteronomy viii, 3
%%
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
%%
Man's inhumanity to man
Makes countless thousands mourn.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Man was made to Mourn
%%
Man's life is like going on a long journey under a heavy
burden: one must not hurry.
 -- Ieyasu's maxims
%%
Man's life is like unto a winter's day,--
Some break their fast and so depart away;
Others stay dinner, then depart full fed;
The longest age but sups and goes to bed.
O reader, then behold and see!
As we are now, so must you be.
 -- Joseph Henshaw (-1678)
 -- Horae Sucissive (1631)
%%
Man's love is of man's life a thing apart;
'T is woman's whole existence.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 194
%%
  Man's many desires are like the small metal coins he carries about in his
    pocket. The more he has the more they weigh him down.
 -- Satya Sai Baba
%%
Man's mind is his basic tool of survival.  Life is given to him, survival is
not.  His body is given to him, its sustenance is not.    His mind is given to
him, its content is not.  To remain alive, he must act, and before he can
act he must know the nature and purpose of his action. He cannot obtain his
food without a knowledge of food and of the way to obtain it.  He cannot dig
a ditch -- or build a cyclotron -- without a knowledge of his aim and the
means to achieve it.  To remain alive, he must think.
 -- John Galt
%%
Man's mind mirrors a universe that mirrors man's mind.
 -- the crack in the cosmic egg.
%%
Man spends his life in reasoning on the past,
in complaining of the present,
in fearing the future.
 -- Antoine Rivarol
%%
Man's reach should exceed his overbite.
%%
Man's rich with little, were his judgment true; Nature is frugal,
and her wants are few; These few wants, answer'd bring sincere delights;
But fools create themselves new appetites.
 -- Young
%%
Man stagnates if he has no ambition,...
%%
Man steps in with a terminal grin... blue skies turn to grey...
%%
Man's unique agony as a species consists in his perpetual
conflict between the desire to stand out and the need to blend in.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Man's unique reward, however, is that while animals survive by
adjusting themselves to their background, man survives by
adjusting his background to himself.  If a drought strikes them,
animals perish -- man builds irrigation canals; if a flood strikes
them, animals perish -- man builds dams; if a carnivorous pack
attacks them, animals perish -- man writes the Constitution of
the United States.  But one does not obtain food, safety or
freedom -- by instinct.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
Man tends to root for the underdog, because he fears that he will find
himself in that same position far too often.
 -- Michael S. Rosenberg
%%
Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xvi, 1
%%
Man - the Animal That Simulates Realty and Believes His Simulation.
 -- JC Lilly, Simulations of God
%%
MAN: The only animal who can play scrabble!!
%%
Man: There is nothing more miserable and more arrogant.
%%
Man!
Thou pendulum betwixt a smile and tear.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 109
%%
Manual Labor. Isn't he the Vice Pres. of Mexico?
%%
Manual labour:  reading the manual.
%%
Manually operated analog scribing device (description of chalk)
%%
Manual, n.: A unit of documentation.  There are always three or more on a given
item.  One is on the shelf; someone has the others. The information you need in
in the others.
 -- Ray Simard
%%
Manual?  We've just been pushing buttons until it works.
%%
Manual? ... What manual ?!?
This is Unix, My son, You just GOTTA Know!!!
%%
Manuel, have you ever heard of the bubonic plague?
It was rather popular here...
 -- Basil Fawlty (John Cleese), "Fawlty Towers", British television show
%%
Manuel rules, Oh - Que?
%%
Manufacturer's performances spec's should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5.
 -- The RPCISPE's Twelfth Universal Law
%%
Manufacturing and commercial monopolies owe their origin not to a
tendency imminent in a capitalist economy but to governmental interventionist
policy directed against free trade and laissez faire.
 -- Ludwig Mises
%%
:manularity: /man`yoo-la'ri-tee/ [prob. fr. techspeak `manual'
   + `granularity'] n. A notional measure of the manual labor
   required for some task, particularly one of the sort that
   automation is supposed to eliminate.  "Composing English on paper
   has much higher manularity than using a text editor, especially in
   the revising stage."  Hackers tend to consider manularity a symptom
   of primitive methods; in fact, a true hacker confronted with an
   apparent requirement to do a computing task {by hand} will
   inevitably seize the opportunity to build another tool (see
   {toolsmith}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Man, unlike any other thing organic or inorganic in the universe,
grows beyond his work, walks up the stairs of his concepts,
emerges ahead of his accomplishments.
 -- John Steinbeck, author
%%
Manure comes from a bull.  Womanure comes from a cow.
%%
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
 -- Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
%%
Manus haec inimica tyrannis
Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem.
 -- Algernon Sidney (1622-1683)
 -- From the Life and Memoirs of Algernon Sidney
%%
Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to
 somebody else -- unless it is an enemy.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
%%
Man wants but little, nor that little long.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 118
%%
Man was born to love--
Though often he has sought
Like Icarus, to fly to high.
And far too lonely than he ought
To kiss the sun of east and west
And hold the world at his behest--
To hold the terrible power
To whom only gods are blessed--
But me I am just a man.
 -- Patton
%%
Man was created to complete the horse.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Man was predestined to have free will.
 -- Hal Lee Luyah
%%
Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was
born so long ago.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Man, were he not corrupted by Governments, is naturally the friend of
Man, and that human nature is not of itself vicious.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
man who aim high get wall wet.
%%
Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.
%%
Man who arrives at party two hours late will probably
find he has been beaten to the punch.
%%
Man who bites bread or eats peas with knife is lost creature.
%%
Man who dance in crowded ballroom
dance cheek to cheek with woman behind him.
%%
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
%%
Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
%%
Man who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet, many moons!
%%
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
%%
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
%%
Man who farts in church, sits in own pew.
%%
Man who fishes in other man's well often catch crabs.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
%%
Man who get hit by car, get that run down feeling.
%%
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
%%
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.
%%
Man who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in
hand.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who has tool in box is not necessarily carpenter.
 -- Confucius
%%
Man who is jacking into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
%%
Man who jump through window screen, strain self.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who kisses girl behind, gets crack in face.
%%
Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
%%
Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new key.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who make love on ground have piece (peace) on Earth.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who marry girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who meows ate pussy!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
%%
Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
%%
Man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man who sleep in beer keg wake up stickey.
%%
Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
%%
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss baloons.
%%
Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent.
%%
Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
%%
Manwich.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Man will never fly.  Space travel is merely a dream.  All aspirin is alike.
%%
Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.
 -- Dr. Lee De Forest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television.
%%
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of
the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
 -- Churchill's Commentary on Man
%%
Man will survive into eternity. He's too stupid to know when he's beaten.
%%
Man with athletic fingers make broad jump.
%%
Man with hand in pocket is always on the ball.
%%
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Man with no legs bums around.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
'MAN WITH WOODEN LEG EATEN ALIVE BY TERMITES'
%%
Man, woman, child; all are up against the Wall of Science.
%%
Many a bachelor feels the need to insert his masculinity.
%%
Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.
 -- George M. Cohan
%%
Many a dangerous temptation comes to us in fine gay colours that are
but skin-deep.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Genesis iii
%%
Many a dead wire would be a live one except for his connections.
%%
Many a false step is made by standing still.
%%
Many a family tree needs trimming.
%%
Many a girl at loose ends is anxious to be tied up.
%%
Many a good hanging has prevented a bad marriage.
%%
Many a good man has caught his death of cold
getting up in the middle of the night to go home.
%%
Many a live wire would be a dead one except for his connections.
%%
Many alligators will be slain,
but the swamp will remain.
%%
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not
 have chosen a suit by it.
 -- Maurice Chevalier
%%
Many a man has found the acquisition of wealth only a change, not an end of
 miseries, for often a great fortune is a great slavery. The person who has
 it is a slave to it, rather than being the master of it for great wealth
 and contentment seldom share the same household.
%%
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the
whole girl.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
Many a man owes his success to his first wife. And his second wife to his
 success.
 -- Jim Backus
%%
Many a man's done a terrible thing just to get baby a shiny diamond ring.
 -- Robert Hunter
%%
Many a man's tongue broke his nose.
 -- Seamus MacManus
%%
Many a man that can't direct you to a corner drugstore will
get a respectful hearing when age has further impaired his mind.
 -- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936)
%%
Many a man who thinks he's going on a maiden voyage
with a woman finds out later that it was just a shake-down cruise.
%%
Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers.
%%
Many an optimist has become rich by buying out a pessimist.
%%
Many are called, but few are at their desks.
%%
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
%%
Many are called, few volunteer.
%%
Many Are Cold, But Few Are Frozen: Minnie Sota
%%
Many are educated...few are learned.
%%
Many are prone to garnish the graves of past prophets and mentally
stone living prophets.
 -- Spencer W. Kimball
%%
Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
Many are the wonders of the Universe,
 and none so wonderful as Mankind!
 -- Sophocles
%%
Many are they who do more than they think they can do and far less than
 they thought they did. The real problem is that few folks come anywhere
 near exhausting the potentials that the Creator has given to them. There
 are deep wells of strength and capacities that are never even so much as
 touched.
 -- Richard Byrd
%%
Many are those who recover from the most serious illnesses when the sick
 day was planned in advance and rain comes unannounced.
%%
Many a slip between cups.
%%
Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that
God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1734-1794)
%%
Many a time a man cannot be such as he would be, if circumstances
do not admit of it.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act iv, Sc. 1, 53, (666.)
%%
Many a time and oft
In the Rialto you have rated me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Many a time,... from a bad beginning great friendships have sprung up.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act v, Sc. 2, 34, (873.)
%%
Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much.
 -- Robert Greenleaf
%%
Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover.
 But she can never catch him at it.
%%
Many a woman hasn't realized that she was raped until the check bounced.
%%
Many a writer seems to thing he is never profound
except when he can't understand his own meaning.
 -- George D. Prentice
%%
Many a young lady does not realize just how strong her love for a young man
 is until he fails to pass the approval test with her parents.
%%
Many a yo-yo think he have the world on a string.
%%
Many a zero thinks it is the ellipse on which the Earth travels.
 -- Stanislaw Lec
%%
Many believe that marriage offers us a good example of two people being
 able to live as cheaply as one. The proposition is absolutely correct, if
 one of the parties to it agrees to starve to death.
%%
Many books are written because they should not have been!
%%
Many books require no thought from those who read them, for a very
simple reason- they made no such demand upon those who wrote them.
Those works, therefore, are the most valuable that set our thinking
faculties in the fullest operation.
 -- Colton
%%
Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Many candles can be kindled from one candle without diminishing it.
 -- The Midrash
%%
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
%%
Many count their chickens before they are hatched; and where they
expect bacon, meet with broken bones.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lv
%%
Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the
 equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from
 the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes.
 They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with
 another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope results.
%%
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxxi, 29
%%
Man year: 730 people working feverishly until noon.
%%
Many empty Coke bottles are here.  Alas, they can't hold water.
%%
Many folks lack a sense of direction and launch out for the vast perhaps.
%%
Many folks watch talk shows on televsion, and many of these same folks end
 up watching a hocky game in which the teams are not wearing uniforms.
%%
Many forms of government have been tried, and will be tried in this world
of sin and woe.  No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise.
Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government
except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Many foxes grow gray, but few grow good.
%%
Many go out for wool, and come home shorn themselves.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxvii
%%
Many hands make light warke.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
Many-headed multitude.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Arcadia, Book ii
%%
Many-headed multitude.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Many, if not all, of my presidential opponents are certifiable idiots.
 -- Miriam Defensor Santiago
 -- The World Almanac and Book of Facts, 1993
%%
Many individuals have, like uncut diamonds,
shining qualities beneath a rough exterior.
 -- Juvenal
%%
Many joggers are simply pedestrians too fearful to walk.
%%
Many journeys end here,
But the secret's told the same.
Life is just a candle
And a dream must give it flame.
 -- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
Many kiss the hand that they wish cut off.
%%
Many live by their wits but few by their wit.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Many men fancy that what they experience they also understand.
 -- Goethe
%%
Many mental processes admit of being roughly measured.  For instance, the
degree to which people are bored, by counting the number of their fidgets.
I not infrequently tried this method at the meetings of the Royal
Geographical Society, for even there dull memoirs are occasionally read.
[...]  The use of a watch attracts attention, so I reckon time by the number
of my breathings, of which there are 15 in a minute.  They are not counted
mentally, but are punctuated by pressing with 15 fingers successively.    The
counting is reserved for the fidgets.  These observations should be confined
to persons of middle age.  Children are rarely still, while elderly
philosophers will sometimes remain rigid for minutes altogether.
 -- Francis Galton (1909)
%%
Many might go to heaven with half the labor they go to hell.
 -- Ben Johnson
%%
Many monsters make a murdering mob.
%%
Many Myths are based on truth.
 -- Spock, "The Way to Eden," stardate 5832.3.
%%
Many nice things suck.
%%
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.
 -- Thomas Edison
%%
Many of the convicted thieves Parker has met began their
life of crime after taking college Computer Science courses.
 -- Roger Rapoport, "Programs for Plunder", Omni, March 1981
%%
Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.
 -- Obi-Wan Kenobi in "Return of the Jedi"
%%
Many of this country's heroes were once Boy Scouts.
%%
Many of today's students think of themselves as having accomplished reading
 skills, if they can read through the TV listings for the evening.
%%
Many of us are more capable than some of us...
but none of us is as capable as all of us!!
 -- Ziggy (by Tom Wilson)
%%
Many of us spend half our life wishing for things we could have if
we didn't spend half our time wishing.
 -- Alexander Woollcott
%%
Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken
belief that you cannot bear the pain.  But you have already borne
the pain.  What you have not done is feel all you are beyond the pain.
 -- Bartholomew
%%
Many of you saw the movie "The Bridge Over The River Kwai." There is no
 question the Japanese have done well. They now own the bridge, the river,
 the movie and Alec Guinness.
%%
    ...many other means there be, that promise the
foreknowledge of things to come: besides the raising up and
conjuring of ghosts departed, the conference also with
familiars and spirits infernal.  And all these were found out
in our days, to be no better than vanities and false
illusions. . .
 -- Pliny The Elder
%%
MAN:     You don't frighten us, English pig-dog!  Go and boil your bottoms,
         son of a silly person.  I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king,
         you and your silly English K...kaniggets.
   He puts hands to his ears and blows a raspberry.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Man your skates! And may the Force be with you!
%%
Many pages make a crowded castle.
%%
Many pages make a thick book.
%%
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles which are
on very very thin paper.
%%
Many people are desperately looking for some wise advice
which will recommend that they do what they want to do.
%%
Many people are going to hell on their "but's!"
%%
Many people are secretly interested in life.
%%
Many people are unenthusiastic about their work.
%%
Many people are unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
Many people conduct their lives as though on a directionless search
 conducted to find the great perhaps.
%%
Many people demand to see the car they are going to buy in full daylight.
 Then they go out that evening and fall in love in a dark restaurant. And we
 call ourselves civilized.
%%
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
%%
Many people feel that if you won't let
them make you happy, they'll make you suffer.
%%
Many people feel that they deserve some kind of
recognition for all the bad things they haven't done.
%%
Many people get the name of being witty, only to lose the name of being
 sensible.
%%
Many people go throughout life committing partial suicide- destroying their
talents, energies, creative qualities. Indeed, to learn how to be good to
oneself is often more difficult than to learn how to be good to others.
 -- Joshua Leibman
%%
Many people have played themselves to death.
Many people have eaten and drunk themselves to death.
Nobody ever thought himself to death.
 -- Gilbert Highet
%%
Many people have senseless attachments to heavy, clumsy things such as this
'Homer' of yours.
 -- Jacques in "Jacques to be Wild", from The Simpsons
%%
Many people have the ambition to succeed in their work; they may
even have special aptitude for their job. And yet they do not move
ahead. Why? Perhaps they think that since they can master the job,
there is no need to master themselves.
 -- John Stevenson
%%
Many people in this country are becoming increasingly worried about
bullfighting.  They say it's not only cruel, vicious, and immoral, but
also blatantly unfair.    The bull is heavy, violent, abusive, and
aggressive, with four legs and great sharp teeth, whereas the bullfighter
is only a small, greasy Spaniard.
 -- Monty Python
%%
Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that
 different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Many people own cats...on go on to lead normal lives.
%%
Many people resent being treated like the person they really are.
%%
Many people think that history is a dull subject.  Dull?  Is it "dull" that
 Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't
 seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a
 doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited,
 and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor,
 and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Many people think that raindrops are shaped like pears, but high speed
photos show them to be flat-bottomed with rounded tops - not unlike
mushrooms.
%%
Many people, while they will not experience a nervous breakdown themselves,
 can be rather easily identified as carriers of this malady.
%%
Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Many people write memos to tell you they have nothing to say.
%%
Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.
 It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity
to a worthy purpose.
 -- Helen Keller
%%
Many politicians ... are in the habit of laying it down as a self-evident
proposition, that no people ought to be free till they are fit to
use their freedom. The maxim is worthy of the fool who resolved
not to go into the water till he had learned to swim.
 -- Thomas Babington Macaulay
%%
Many promising reconciliations have broken down because, while both
parties came prepared to forgive, neither party came prepared to be
forgiven.
 -- Charles Williams
%%
Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
%%
Many receive advice, few profit by it.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 149
%%
Many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Daniel xii, 4
%%
Many small make a great.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Many strokes fell down strong oaks.
 -- Proverb
%%
Many the lumps of frankincense on the same altar; one falls there
early and another late, but it makes no difference.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 15
%%
Many things happen between the cup and the lip.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 3
%%
Many times an economical design with a predictable life is superior
to an expensive design with an indefinite life...
 -- Gordon L. Glegg
%%
Many times we will get more and better ideas in two hours of creative
loafing than in eight hours at a desk.
 -- Wilferd A. Peterson
%%
Many tombstones should read: "Died at 30. Buried at 60."
%%
Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big
 mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place.  And
 some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no
 one should ever have left the oceans.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
Many writers are bad at being promiscuous with women, from the certainty
of knowing how the affair will end before it has even begun.
 -- Andrew Sinclair, "No Man More Magical"
%%
Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put
 his arm around my shoulder. "Harpo my boy," he said, "I'm going to give you
 three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember." My heart
 jumped and I glowed with expectation. I was going to hear the magic
 password to a rich, full life from the master himself. "Yes sir?" I said.
 And he told me the three things. I regret that I've forgotten what they
 were.
 -- Harpo Marx
%%
Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon,
there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he was so
Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how completely
Mournful he would be on Wednesday ...
 -- Walt Kelly
%%
Mapping?  No, I'm not mapping.  I thought YOU were mapping!
%%
:marbles: [from mainstream "lost all his/her marbles"] pl.n. The
   minimum needed to build your way further up some hierarchy of tools
   or abstractions.  After a bad system crash, you need to determine
   if the machine has enough marbles to come up on its own, or enough
   marbles to allow a rebuild from backups, or if you need to rebuild
   from scratch.  "This compiler doesn't even have enough marbles to
   compile {hello, world}."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Marc Bolan:
What a place to plant a f%*king tree
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Marching to the beat of a different kettle of fish...
%%
Mardi Gras Time: Lou Isiana
%%
Mardon DeMichele
 -- ICS Publicity
%%
Mardon me padam, I see you are occupewing the wrong pie. May I so you to
another sheet? I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep
I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
%%
Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll
    eat ivy too, wouldn't you?
 -- Leland Palmer, from Twin Peaks
%%
Marge: "Bart, you love your sister, don't you?"
Bart:  "Don't make me say it.  I know the answer.  You know the answer.  He
 knows the answer.  Let's just drop it, okay?"
 -- "Moaning Lisa", from The Simpsons
%%
:marginal: adj. 1. Extremely small.  "A marginal increase in
   {core} can decrease {GC} time drastically."  In everyday
   terms, this means that it is a lot easier to clean off your desk if
   you have a spare place to put some of the junk while you sort
   through it.  2. Of extremely small merit.  "This proposed new
   feature seems rather marginal to me."  3. Of extremely small
   probability of {win}ning.  "The power supply was rather marginal
   anyway; no wonder it fried."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Marginal Hacks: n. Margaret Jacks Hall, a building into which the
   Stanford AI Lab was moved near the beginning of the 1980s (from the
   {D. C. Power Lab}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Marginality confers legitimacy on one's contrariness.
%%
:marginally: adv. Slightly.  "The ravs here are only marginally
   better than at Small Eating Place."  See {epsilon}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Margrane:  Blinding pain from drinking Margarita slush too quickly.
%%
Maria Montessori taut me to rite at age too.
%%
Marijuana is like Coors beer.  If you could buy the damn stuff
at a Georgia filling station, you'd decide you wouldn't want it.
 -- Billy Carter
%%
Marijuana is nature's way of saying "high".
%%
Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students
who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize
it in order to protect themselves.
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
Marillion, Meatloaf, Savatage (alot).
%%
Marilyn Monroe?  A vacuum with nipples.
%%
MARINA
  One of those places where lots of people in boats sail around, and
  little kids hang their fishing rods over the edge in the belief
  that they're going to catch a whopper which will feed their family
  that night. And where you can walk to the end of the pier and buy a
  Coke for $3.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Marines are like bananas;
they're born green;
they turn yellow;
and they die in bunches.
%%
Maritime Disasters: Andrea Doria
%%
Maritime Rules: Paula See
%%
Marius said, "I see the cure is not worth the pain."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caius Marius
%%
Marjoe and Doshen were meditating in a field when
Doshen just went and smacked Marjoe upside the head.
  "What the hell did you do that for?" asked Marjoe.
  "Nyuck nyuck nyuck," replied Doshen.
  At that moment, Marjoe ordered pizza.
%%
Mark all Mathematical heads which be wholly and only bent on these
sciences, how solitary they be themselves, how unfit to live with other,
how unapt to serve the world.
 -- Roger Ascham (ca. 1550)
%%
Marketing is a fashionable term. The sales manager becomes a marketing
vice-president. But a grave digger is still a grave digger even
when he is called a mortician- only the price of burial goes up.
%%
Marketing is merely a civilized form of warfare
in which most battles are won
 with words,ideas and disciplined thinking
 -- Albert W. Emery, Advertising agency executive
%%
Marketing reps do it on commission.
%%
:marketroid: /mar'k*-troyd/ alt. `marketing slime',
   `marketeer', `marketing droid', `marketdroid'. n. A member
   of a company's marketing department, esp. one who promises users
   that the next version of a product will have features that are not
   actually scheduled for inclusion, are extremely difficult to
   implement, and/or are in violation of the laws of physics; and/or
   one who describes existing features (and misfeatures) in ebullient,
   buzzword-laden adspeak.  Derogatory.  Compare {droid}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
   Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for?
   Listener:     Mining and Engineering Services.
   Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do: is it mining and
                 engineering services?
 -- BBC Radio 1
%%
Mark how fleeting and paltry is the estate of man,--yesterday in embryo,
to-morrow a mummy or ashes. So for the hair's-breadth of time assigned
to thee live rationally, and part with life cheerfully, as drops the
ripe olive, extolling the season that bore it and the tree that matured
it.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 48
%%
Mark, I said TUCK the kids in bed!
%%
Mark Livingston - Condom poster child for 1994.
%%
Mark Livingston - Paranoia Poster child for 1994.
%%
Mark Livingston - Poster child for birth control.
%%
Mark Livingston - Poster child for Densa.
%%
MARK, MARKY
  I don't know what it is about these people who not only have first
  and surnames starting with the same letters, but also have the
  nerve to get famous with those names. I guess their parents were
  all alliteration enthusiasts. The thing about people who are famous
  is, their names always *sound* famous too. Because they are.
      I'm now uncertain where this train of thought is heading. In
  fact, I think I'd be correct in saying that this train of thought
  seems to have come off the rails, is hurtling over a cliff and will
  shortly explode into flames. We apologise for any inconvenience.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Mark now, how a plain tale shall put you down.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Mark of a true professional: Giving more than you get
%%
Mark one of the following:     (A) True    (B) False
%%
Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxvii, 37
%%
Mark this well, you proud men of action! You are, after all, nothing
but unconscious instruments of the men of thought.
 -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Mark Twain had it right, of course.
%%
Mark Twain to young writers: "Whatever you like best, strike it out."
 -- Thomas Boswell
%%
   "Marling - unbeaten in her three victories."
 -- Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV
%%
Marlowe's mighty line.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- To the Memory of Shakespeare
%%
Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the
 remaining chapters in prose.
%%
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and
 through the nose of the gentleman.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
Marriage and hanging go by destiny; matches are made in heaven.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 5
%%
Marriage, as far as I'm concerned, is one of the most wonderful,
 heartwarming, satisfying experiences a human being can have. I've only been
 married seventeen years, so I haven't seen that side of it yet.
 -- George Gobel
%%
Marriage = begging for money for upgrades!
%%
Marriage by a TV evangelist is actually considered legal in most states.
%%
Marriage causes dating problems.
%%
Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and
the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.
 -- O. C. Ogilvie
%%
Marriage demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity
 possible between two human beings.
%%
Marriage enders: You propose, we dispose.
%%
Marriage: for better *AND* for worse
%%
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
%%
Marriage is a 50/50 deal.  I make it, she spends it.
%%
Marriage is a covered dish.
%%
Marriage is a desperate thing.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Marriage
%%
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the feast.
 -- Colton
%%
Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention.
%%
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
 -- Mae West
%%
Marriage is a lot like the army -
 everyone complains but you'd be surprised
 by the large number that re-enlist.
%%
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.
 -- F. M. Knowles
%%
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
 -- George Jessel
%%
Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.
%%
Marriage is a real challenge, inasmuch as it requires of both parties to it
 the highest possible awareness and understanding of complete insanity
 imaginable. If one can accomplish this, they can be said to have a sort of
 handle on the basics of marriage.
%%
Marriage is a rest period between romances.
%%
Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
%%
Marriage is a three-ring circus: first, there's the engagement ring,
then there's the wedding ring, and finally, the suffering.
 -- Roger Price
%%
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
%%
Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
 -- Oscar Levant, "The Portable Curmudgeon"
%%
Marriage is a wonderful institution.   But who would want to
live in an institution?
 -- H.L. Menken
%%
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of
 beer to his taste, he should at once throw up his job and go to work
 in the brewery.
%%
Marriage is bliss.  Ignorance is bliss.  Ergo...
%%
Marriage is distinctly and repeatedly excluded from heaven.
Is this because it is thought likely to mar the general felicity?
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902), "Notebooks" 1912
%%
Marriage is give and take.
You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
 -- Joey Adams
%%
Marriage is learning about women the hard way.
%%
Marriage is like a bank account. You put
 it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
 -- Prof. Irwin Corey
%%
Marriage is like a cafeteria.  You pick out something that looks good,
and you pay later.
%%
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in,
and those inside desperate to get out.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
 -- Baskins
%%
Marriage is not a man's idea. A woman must've thought of it. Years ago some
 guy said, "Let me get this straight, honey. I can't sleep with anyone else
 for the rest of my life, and if things don't work out, you get to keep half
 my stuff? What a great idea."
 -- Bobby Slayton
%%
Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucine, but sharing the burden
of finding the fettucine restaurant in the first place.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence.
%%
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
%%
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the
maximum of opportunity.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Marriage"
%%
Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.
%%
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.
 -- Richard Pryor
%%
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers
birthdays and the other never forgets them.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
"Marriage is the death of hope."
 -- Woody Allen, "A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy"
%%
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Marriage is the only union that cannot be organized.
Both sides think they are management.
 -- Abley's Explanation
%%
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
%%
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of
 person your spouse would have really preferred.
%%
Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double
bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise longue.
 -- Mrs. Patrick Campbell
%%
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
%%
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
%%
Marriage is the waste-paper basket of the emotions.
%%
Marriage: It begins when you sink into his arms; and ends with your arms
 in his sink.
%%
Marriage: It begins with a prince kissing an angel.  It ends with a
 baldheaded man looking across the table at a fat women.
%%
Marriage. It's a hard term to define, especially for me, I've ducked it like
root canal. Still there's no denying that marriage ranks right up there with
birth and death as one of the three biggies in the human safari. It's the only
one though that we'll celebrate with a conscious awareness. Very few of you
remember your arrival and even fewer will attend your own funeral. You pick a
society, any society-- Sunni, Fidembo, Pennsylvania Dutch-- what's the one
thing that they all have in common? Marriage. It's like a cultural hand rail.
It links folks to the past and guides them to the future. That's not all
though; Marriage is the union of disparred elements-- male and female, yin and
yang, proton and electron. What are we talking about here? Nothing less than
the very tension that binds the universe. You see when we talk of marriage,
people, we're talking of creation itself. 'I am the sky,' says the Hindu
bride-groom to the bride, 'You are the earth. We are sky and earth united.'
The ring please Joel. You are my husband, you are my wife. My feet shall run
because of you, my feet shall dance because of you. My heart shall beat
because of you, my eyes see because of you. My mind think because of you, and
I shall love because of you. Are you guys cool with that? Then kiss.
 -- Chris Stevens, "Northern Exposure"
%%
Marriage laws, the police, armies and navies are the mark of
human incompetence.
 -- Dora Russell (1894-?)
%%
Marriage may often be a stormy lake, but celibacy is almost a muddy
 horse-pond.
%%
Marriage means commitment.  Of course, so does insanity.
%%
Marriage must be either a relation of sympathy or of conquest.
%%
Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything:
familiarity.
 -- Honore' de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage 1829
%%
Marriage? No thanks.  I can't mate in captivity.
%%
MARRIAGE, n.  The state or condition of a community consisting of a
master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Marriage:  putting one's hand into a bag of snakes on the chance of
drawing out an eel.
 -- Leonardo da Vinci
%%
Marriage resmbles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be
separated, otfen moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing
anyone who comes in between them.
 -- Sydney Smith
%%
Marriages are based on believing you won the arguments.
%%
Marriages are made in heaven and are consummated on earth.
 -- French Proverb
%%
Marriages made in heaven are not exported.
 -- Samuel Hoffenstein
%%
Marriage's Perfect Match: When the hypochondiac marries the pill!
%%
Marriages tend to last a little longer if someone manages to inform the
 participants that often it happens that better comes AFTER worse!
%%
MARRIAGE:
     The evil aye.
%%
Marriage: The mourning after the knot before...
%%
Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
%%
Married couples who quarrel bitterly every day may really need each other as
deeply as those who appear to be desperately in love.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more
 willing to die.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
Married people do it with frozen access.
%%
MARRIED POLITICIANS do it to wife and country.
%%
Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the
 in-laws (at most an occasional visit to the cemetery).
 -- George Carlin
%%
Marry her, Charlie. Just because she's a thief and a hitter doesn't mean
 she isn't a good woman in all the other departments.
 -- Angelica Huston (to Jack Nicholson in Prizzi's Honor,
 screenplay by Richard Condon and Janet Roach)
%%
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long
 time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't
 always go with everything else in the house.
 -- Jean Kerr
%%
Marrying a man is like having your hair cut short. You won't know whether
 it suits you until it's too late to change your mind.
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
Marry me, Emily, and I'll never look at any other horse.
%%
Marry money.
%%
Marry your mistress, create a job vacancy.
%%
Mars ain't the kind of place to raise the kids
%%
Marshal Goering was a fat man because he was one of Hitler's stoutest
supporters.
%%
Marshall McLuhan is print-oriented.
%%
Marshmallow salespeople learn the soft sell.
%%
Mars is essentially in the same orbit...[as the Earth]
Mars is somewhat the same distance
from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are
canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen.
If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
 -- Vice President (and space program coordinator) Dan Quayle, 8/11/89
 -- (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Mars Needs Women! (But they're willing to settle for Donna Shalala.)
%%
Mars Needs Women! (But they're willing to settle for Janet Reno.)
%%
Mars needs Women -- No experience required!!!
%%
MARS PROBE ERROR: A)bort  R)etry  T)ell 'em where I am?
%%
Mars still need women? TAKE HILLARY!!
%%
Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know
 sensuality if it bit her on the ass.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Marta said I don't seem to like to read fiction very much.  "I guess you're not
 an `afictionado'," she said.  Poor Marta.  For all her reading, she doesn't
 even know the right word.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives
 connected by a thin strand.  Come on, Marta.  Grow up.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of
 these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from
 invasion by another group."  "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh.  Girls are
 funny.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Martia: "But there is a reward for your death."
McCoy: "It figures."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "Come on, we don't have a lot of time!"
 -- "STVI"TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "Don't disappoint me."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "He wants your obediance to the Brotherhood of Aliens."
Kirk: "He's got it!"
Martia: "And your coat."
Kirk: "I'm afraid not.  Besides, it wouldn't fit him."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "I can't make it alone.  And you're the likeliest candidate to come in
  this hell-hole for months."
Kirk: "Candidate for what?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "I'm Martia.  You're Kirk and McCoy, I presume?"
Kirk: "How did you know that?"
Martia: "We don't get many presidential assassins."
Kirk: "We didn't kill Gorkon!"
Martia: "Of course not."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "It is possible.  I know how to get outside the shield."
Kirk: "How do we fit in?"
Martia: "Getting outside the shield is easy.  But after that it's up to you to
  get us off the surface before we freeze.  Can you?"
Kirk: "It's possible."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "Kirk, it's me, Martia.  Listen, no one has ever escaped from Rura
  Penthe."
Kirk: "Except us."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
:martian: n. A packet sent on a TCP/IP network with a source
   address of the test loopback interface [127.0.0.1].  This means
   that it will come back labeled with a source address that is
   clearly not of this earth.  "The domain server is getting lots of
   packets from Mars.  Does that gateway have a martian filter?"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Martia: "Not everybody keeps their genitals in the same place, Captain."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "They don't take girls."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "They'll respect you now."
Kirk: "That's a comfort."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martia: "We're outside the shield.  Now it's your turn, Captain."
Kirk: "If you say so."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Martin Brodeur, 1994 Calder Trophy winner!!!
%%
Martin Levine has passed away at the age of 75. Mr. Levine had owned a
 movie theater chain here in New York. The funeral will be held on Thursday,
 at 2:15, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40, and 10:50.
 -- David Letterman
%%
Marty, if the man and woman walk away together at the end of the picture,
 it adds $10,000,000 to the box office.
 -- George Lucas (to Martin Scorcese)
%%
Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the
correctness of a belief.
 -- Arthur Schnitzler (1882-1931)
%%
Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
MARTYR, n.  One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a
desired death.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Marvelous!  You're going to kill me. What a finely
tuned response to the situation!
%%
Marv Lintbaugh on the Excellence in Babytalk Network!
 -- "Marvin" cartoon
%%
Marx is a dead white male.
%%
Marxists are people whose insides are torn up day after day
because they want to rule the world and no one will even publish their
letter to the editor.
 -- --Mark Heprin
 -- Winter's Tale
%%
Mary and Joseph at the door to the inn:
 "Do you have a room for the night?"
 Innkeeper: "You've got to be joking - it's Christmas!"
%%
Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on
the dance floor.  Now everyone's doing it.  It's called grand slam
dancing.
 -- Ransford, Chicago Reader 10/7/83
%%
Mary had a kitten.
 Tommy had a pup.
 Alfonzo had a crocodile
 that ate the others up!
%%
Mary Had A Little Lamb -- Aint Genetic Science Amazing?
%%
Mary had a little lamb...a little beef, a little ham.
%%
Mary had a little lamb and a side order of fries.
%%
Mary had a little lamb, and then a few green beans
%%
Mary had a little lamb
 It's fleece was very red.
 And that was because
 It had a pick axe through its head.
%%
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.

It followed her through rain or snow, lightning, sleet or hail.
It fetched the evening paper, her slippers, and the mail.

She never had a moments peace; the lamb was always on her heels,
And on her feet its head would rest, while she ate her meals.

It followed her to school one day, the devotion never ended.
The lamb waltzed into her history class and Mary got suspended.

The night she went to Senior Prom, she thought she had him beat,
Until she heard a mournful "baaa" coming from her car's seat.

Oh, Mary had a little lamb, it surely didn't please her.
So for dinner she had lambchops; the rest is in the freezer.
%%
Mary had a little lamb,
 she also had a duck.
 She put them on the window sill
 to see if they would FALL!
%%
Mary had a little lamb,
She kept it in a bucket.
And every time she let it out,
The bulldog used to
Chase it around the garden.
%%
Mary had a little lamb, some wine, and a dinner salad.
%%
Mary had a little lamb. Support planned parenthood.
%%
Mary had a little lamb, talk about Kinky!
%%
Mary had a little lamb;
...that's what she gets for sleeping in a barn.
%%
Mary had a little lamb, the doctor died of shock.
%%
Mary had a little lamb
 The doctors were astounded.
 And everywhere that Mary went
 Gynecologists surrounded.
%%
Mary had a little lamb... the little slut
%%
Mary had a little lamb. Want to meet her boyfriend?
%%
Mary had a little lamb; wasn't she surprised!!
%%
Mary had a little RAM -- and she's still sore ...
%%
Mary had a little RAM, its bits were white as snow.
%%
Mary had a little RAM -- only about 640k or so.
%%
Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so.
%%
Mary had a little RAM -- too bad she couldn't run Windoze.
%%
Maryland law makes it illegal to knock a freight train off the tracks.
%%
Mary, my fine daughter, show your legs to the wealthy man.
%%
Mary Shelley's "FEINSTEIN!," coming to a theater near you.
%%
Mary, The Why Fire Door...
%%
Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP
 in a cheap hotel in HONOLULU!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
mashies: reconstituted freeze dried potatoes.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
MASOCHIST: A person who enjoys pain & agony, i.e. a cat lover.
%%
MASOCHIST (mas-oh-kist) noun:  Windows user.
%%
Masochist to sadist: "Hit me!" ... Sadist to masochist "No!"
%%
Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile!
%%
MASOCHIST: Windows SDK programmer with a smile!
%%
Mason-Dixon: Line that separates y'all from youse-guys.
%%
Masons do it secretively.
%%
Masquerading as a man with a reason...
%%
Massachusetts law states that it is a crime to
lounge on the shelves in a bakery.
%%
Massachusetts law states that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
%%
Massachusetts makes it unlawful to duel with water pistols.
%%
Massachusetts: special female facility for children visitation, no male.
%%
:massage: vt. Vague term used to describe `smooth' transformations of
   a data set into a different form, esp. transformations that do
   not lose information.  Connotes less pain than {munch} or {crunch}.
   "He wrote a program that massages X bitmap files into GIF
   format."  Compare {slurp}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mass-energy cannot be created or destroyed. It CAN, however, be wasted.
%%
Massive expenditures obscure the evidence of bad judgement.
 -- Bailey's Bureaucratic Rule
%%
Master Baiter: The ultimate in handheld fishing gear.
%%
Mastering the lawless science of our law,--
That codeless myriad of precedent,
That wilderness of single instances.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Aylmer's Field
%%
Mastermind specialist subject - the bleedin' obvious.
%%
Master of all I survey (at the moment, empty pizza boxes).
%%
Master of images, songs shine a light on you.
%%
Master of Pun Fu
%%
Master of the Night and Parts of the AtferNoon.
%%
Masterpieces Of Fox TV: Annette Work
%%
Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false
knaves; and it will go near to be thought so shortly.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Masters, spread yourselves.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Master trace is the system's answering machine.
It collects your messages, discards the old ones, and
you never get those annoying hang-up calls.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 8.0 Chapter 8.  Master Trace
%%
Master, why is the letter 'i' the symbol for current?    Because there is
 no letter 'i' in the word 'current'.    Master, why do we use the letter
 'j' for sqrt(-1)?    Because we use the letter 'i' for current.    Whereupon
 the Master struck the Disciple, and the Disciple became enlightened.
%%
Masticate! Masticate! Masticate! Expectorate!
%%
Mastiff, greyhound, mongrel grim,
Hound or spaniel, brach or lym,
Or bobtail tike or trundle-tail.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 6
%%
Masturbation. A lot of people are turned off about masturbation jokes. Why?
 Some of the greatest people in the world ... Example: Sir Edmund Hillary.
 Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to climb Mount Everest. But when Sir
 Edmund was a precocious eleven, his mother came in the room, caught him in
 the act. She couldn't believe it. She said, "Sir Edmund! Why are you doing
 that?" He said, "Because it was there."
 -- Gabe Kaplan
%%
Masturbation doesn't cause blindness.  Love does.
%%
Masturbation is coming unscrewed.
%%
Masturbation is great - and you don't have to take your hand out to dinner
 afterwards and talk to it about its problems.
%%
Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of.  It's nothing to be
particularly proud of, either.
 -- Matt Groening, 'Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk'
%%
Masturbation is the thinking man's television.
%%
Masturbation:  The human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
%%
MATADOR
  Spaniard who kills bulls. Somewhere, probably in Bull Heaven,
  there's a place where Spaniards get mercilessly taunted, then
  knifed by a bull to the cheering of hundreds of other bulls.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Match-makers do it with singles.
%%
Match makers do it with sticks.
%%
Mater artium necessitas.
[Necessity is the mother of invention].
%%
MATERIAL, adj.  Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an
imaginary one.  Important.

    Material things I know, or fell, or see;
    All else is immaterial to me.
                                                      Jamrach Holobom
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN.
The red blindfold will be lovely, excellency.
 -- Useful phrases to know when traveling in moslem areas
%%
Maternity pay?  Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
 -- Malcolm Smith
%%
Mater of Kung-fu, To-fu, and Sna-fu.
%%
MATE, SPAWN, and DIE.  Praise The Lard.
 -- Jello Biafra
%%
Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!
 -- Monty Python
%%
Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.
%%
Math Chip: A piece of a broken abacus.
%%
Math class is tough.  (Hillary Rodham)
%%
Mathematician:  2 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime,
                7 is prime, 11 is prime...

Physicist:  2 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime,
            7 is prime, 9 is prime (experimental error), 11 is prime...

Engineer:   2 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime,
            7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime...

Computer Scientist: 2 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime,
                    3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime, ...

Artificial Intelligence Expert: 7 is prime, 5 is prime, 3 is prime,
                                2 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, ....

Engineering Technician:  3 is prime.

Probabilist:  2 is prime (p = 1), 3 is prime (p = 1), 5 is prime (p = 1)
              7 is prime (p = 1), 9 is prime (p = 1/2), ...

Statistician:  2 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 8 is prime, ...
               [the density of primes within the positive integers
               is asymptotic to 1/[n*ln(n)]
%%
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they
 translate into their own language, and forthwith it is something
 entirely different.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
Mathematicians are the least expensive researchers to support.  All
they need is pencils, paper, and a wastebasket -- and when they turn
philosopher, they don't even need the wastebasket!
%%
Mathematicians do it an uncountable number of times.
%%
MATHEMATICIANS do it as a finite sum of an infinite series.
%%
MATHEMATICIANS do it as continuous function.
%%
Mathematicians do it associatively.
%%
Mathematicians do it commutatively.
%%
Mathematicians do it constantly.
%%
Mathematicians do it continuously.
%%
Mathematicians do it discretely.
%%
Mathematicians do it exponentially!
%%
Mathematicians do it forever if they can do one and can do one more.
%%
Mathematicians do it functionally.
%%
Mathematicians do it homologically.
%%
Mathematicians do it in fields.
%%
Mathematicians do it in groups.
%%
MATHEMATICIANS do it in imaginary domain
%%
Mathematicians do it in imaginary planes.
%%
Mathematicians do it in numbers.
%%
Mathematicians do it in theory.
%%
Mathematicians do it necessarily and sufficiently.
%%
Mathematicians do it on smooth contours.
%%
Mathematicians do it over and under the curves.
%%
Mathematicians do it parallel and perpendicular.
%%
Mathematicians do it partially.
%%
Mathematicians do it rationally.
%%
Mathematicians do it reflexively.
%%
Mathematicians do it symmetrically.
%%
Mathematicians do it, theoretically.
%%
Mathematicians do it to prove themselves.
%%
Mathematicians do it totally.
%%
Mathematicians do it to their limits.
%%
Mathematicians do it transcendentally.
%%
Mathematicians do it transitively.
%%
Mathematicians do it variably.
%%
Mathematicians do it with a Minkowski sausage.
%%
Mathematicians do it with a small imaginary part.
%%
Mathematicians do it with imaginary parts.
%%
Mathematicians do it with linear pairs.
%%
Mathematicians do it with Nobel's wife.
%%
Mathematicians do it with odd functions.
%%
Mathematicians do it without limit.
%%
Mathematicians do it with pencils.
%%
Mathematicians do it with prime roots.
%%
Mathematicians do it with relations.
%%
Mathematicians do it with rings.
%%
Mathematicians do it with their real parts.
%%
Mathematicians do over an open unmeasurable interval.
%%
Mathematicians have to prove they did it.
%%
Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space, which is
described as being n-dimensional.  Like modern sex, any number can
play.
 -- Dr. Thor Wald, in Beep/The Quincunx of Time, by
               James Blish
%%
Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.
 -- Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918)
%%
Mathematicians stand on eaach other's shoulder,
Computer Scientists stand on each other's toes.
 -- someone on the net (please email attribution), about look&feel lawsuits
%%
Mathematicians take it to the limit.
%%
"Mathematics can overcome no prejudice, it can soften no stubbornness, it can
moderate no partisan spirit; there is nothing moral it can accomplish."
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Mathematics contains much that will neither hurt one if one does not
know it nor help one if one does know it.
 -- J.B. Mencken
%%
Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts to each
other without consideration of their relation to experience.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.
%%
Mathematics is the queen of the sciences.
 -- Carl Friedrich Gauss
%%
Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know
what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
    Mathematics may humbly help in the market-place, but it
also reaches to the stars.
 -- Herbert Westren Turnbull
%%
Mathematics, rightly viewed, posses not only truth, but supreme beauty -- a
beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Mathematics transfigures the fortuitous concourse of atoms
into the tracery of the finger of God.
 -- Herbert Westren Turnbull
%%
Math illiteracy affects eight of every five people.
%%
Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
 -- R. Drabek
%%
Math is supposed to be a science.  I think it's a religion.
%%
Math is tough!
 -- Barbie
%%
MATH MAJORS do it by example
%%
MATH MAJORS do it by induction
%%
MATH MAJORS do it with a pencil
%%
:math-out: [poss. from `white-out' (the blizzard variety)] n. A
   paper or presentation so encrusted with mathematical or other
   formal notation as to be incomprehensible.  This may be a device
   for concealing the fact that it is actually {content-free}.  See
   also {numbers}, {social science number}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Math problems? Call 1-800-10*(24+13)-(64-16)/2^14E2.
%%
MATHS
  And now for a quick mathematics lesson. Firstly, back to the
  basics. If you have five Peter Andre CDs, and you smash two against
  the wall, burn another, stomp on one, and frisbee one more out of
  the window, how many do you have left? None. Which is absolutely
  the correct number to have.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Maths - the one subject that *really* counts!
%%
Matisse makes a drawing, then he makes a copy of it. He recopies it
five times, ten times, always clarifying the line. He's convinced
that the last, the most stripped down, is the best, the purest, the
definitive one; and in fact, most of the time, it was the first. In
drawing, nothing is better than the first attempt.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quoted in Gyula Brassau, Picasso and Company (1964)
%%
Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the
florist had.
 -- Francis Rodman
%%
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
%%
:Matrix: [FidoNet] n. 1. What the Opus BBS software and sysops call
   {FidoNet}.  2. Fanciful term for a {cyberspace} expected to
   emerge from current networking experiments (see {network, the}).
   3. The totality of present-day computer networks.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Matrix me the Epson way!
%%
Matter/antimatter. Clinton/truth. See any resemblance?
%%
Matter/anti-matter, the debate continues....
%%
Matter cannot be created or destroyed,
 nor can it be returned without a receipt.
%%
matterhorn: trumpetlike musical instrument favored by swiss mountaineers.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
'Matter of internal security', the age old cry of the oppressor.
 -- Picard, "The Hunted", stardate 43489.2
%%
Matters more urgent caused our absence. Now witness the result. Outposts
  destroyed, expansion of the Federation everywhere. Yes, we have indeed
  been negligent, Captain, but no more.
 -- T'bok, "The Neutral Zone", stardate 41986.0
%%
Matters will go swimmingly.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxvi
%%
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its worth.
 -- Murphy's Constant
%%
Matt Groening, creator of "The Simpsons",
speaking on fans of "The Simpsons":

"I have this comic strip called 'Life In Hell',
which runs in 200 newspapers, and I get a lot of
fan mail from generally articulate, literate people.
And now I walk down the street and I see people
wearing Simpsons T shirts who I'm afraid might
beat me up, so the quality of fans has broadened.
The people who are my fans now frighten me."
 -- from "Newsweek" magazine, June 18, 1990, page 13
%%
Matthew was a biographer of Jesus.  Neil Matthews was one of Elvis'.
%%
MATURE: Adjective used to describe anything that nobody
uses anymore.
%%
Mature software:  code old enough that for every bug fixed, one or
more new bugs
are created.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Maturity: Acting your age instead of your urge.
 -- Frank Tyger
%%
Maturity comes from the threat of mortality.
%%
[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where
everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and
more that there is something which cannot be understood.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
Maturity enters in slowly, sometime after the age in which you sincerely
 feel that you know everything.
%%
Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless
laughter can be said to remedy anything.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
%%
Maturity is having the self-confidence and courage to slay dragons no
matter how much they look like Barney the Dinosaur.
%%
Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.
%%
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
 Jules Feiffer
%%
Maturity is said to have arrived when one is able to distinguish without
 great difficulty, the difference between wisdom and a simple case of cold
 feet.
%%
Maurice F. Granville, Chairman & CEO (Texaco), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Mausoleum, n.  The final and funniest folly of the rich.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MAW: Make Aggravating Whine
%%
Max, as a unary function, isn't very interesting.
%%
Maxims are the condensed good sense of nations.
 -- Sir James Mackintosh (1765-1832)
%%
Maximum capacity eight persons.
%%
:maximum Maytag mode: What a {washing machine} or, by extension,
   any hard disk is in when it's being used so heavily that it's
   shaking like an old Maytag with an unbalanced load.  If prolonged
   for any length of time, can lead to disks becoming {walking
   drives}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Maximum verbosity.
%%
Maxwell: "I'm not going to win this one, am I, Chief?"
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Maxwell: "O'Brien?  Miles O'Brien?" O'Brien: "Hello, captain.  Good
to see you again." Maxwell: "How are you?  I had no idea you were
on the Enterprise.  This is my  tactical officer on the Rutledge.
 Best I ever had." O'Brien: "Thank you, sir." Maxwell: "O'Brien has
the ability to size up a situation instantly.  Then come  up with
options to fit all contingencies.  Remarkable." O'Brien: "Well if
that's true, I learned it from you, sir." Maxwell: [Laughs]  "But
you got that silver tongue by kissing the stone, right?"
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Maxwell: "Picard, I have to tell you.  I was grateful when I realized
it was you
  Starfleet had sent after me.  Someone who knows what it's really like out
  here."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Maxwell: "Smells musty around here...like a bureaucrat's office!"
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Maxwell: "The Cardassians live to make war."
O'Brien: "That's what everybody thinks about the enemy."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Maxwell: "You must think I've gone mad."
Picard: "The thought had occured."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Maxwell: "You're a fool, Picard.  History will look at you, and say, 'This man
  was a fool.'"
Picard: "I'll accept the judgement of history."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Maxwell: "You were on Cetleg.  You saw what they did."
O'Brien: "Yes, sir."
Maxwell: "What was the name of that fellow who always hung around you like a
  puppy?"
O'Brien: "Will Kaden.  'Stompy'."
Maxwell: "'Stompy'!  'Stomp...'"  [Laughs]  "Was cool under fire as a mountain
  lake."
O'Brien: "Yes, sir."
Maxwell: "He died at Cetleg, didn't he?"
O'Brien: "Yes, sir."
Maxwell: "What was that song of his?  One he always sang?  One I liked?"
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
May 1, 2015 Headline: Elvis spotted in retirement home.
%%
[May 1988] I was out of the loop.  [August 1988] I'm in on everything.
If our policies aren't working, I can't say `Wait a minute, I'm not to
blame' ... I feel I'm a full partner.
 -- George Bush, on Iran-contra
%%
May a 20 foot Boa Constrictor give you a passionate hug.
%%
May a buffalo in heat find you in its hour of need.
%%
May a burly person take exception to the way your face is arranged.
%%
May a crazed yak fall in love with your sister.
%%
May a cricket take up residence in your doctor's stethoscope just before
your annual checkup.
%%
May a diseased elephant sit on your face.
%%
May a diseased yak become your houseguest for a month.
%%
May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister.
%%
May a flight of Canada geese hover above you.
%%
May a fungus devour your IRS refund check.
%%
May a great white shark use you for a teething ring.
%%
May a herd of diseased wildebeest stampede through your bedroom.
%%
May a king cobra make a nest in your bed.
%%
May a live electric eel take up residence in your underwear.
%%
May all of your successes be failures in disguise, and all of your failures
be catastrophic.
%%
May all of your troubles last no longer than do your New Year Resolutions.
%%
May all who love the Lord, love you and those who don't love you,
may the Lord give them a limp so you can see them coming.
 -- Irish Blessing
%%
May all your boils, sores, scabs, scurfs, and carbuncles be little ones.
%%
May all your debtors pay off your partner in cash while you're out of
the city.
%%
May all your dreams come true, and may you have only nightmares.
%%
May all your hang-ups be drip-dry.
%%
May all your pains be small enough so there's room for them all.
%%
May all your programs work the first time.
%%
May all your PUSHes be POPped.
%%
May all your relatives decide to visit un-announced simultaneously.
%%
May all your troubles increase exponentially.
%%
May all you've worked for come to you,
And your most cherished dreams come true.
%%
May a lovestruck mule follow you constantly.
%%
May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
%%
May an abnormal person talk you into joining a religious sect that eats ping
pong paddles
%%
May a nest of killer scorpions take residence in your shoe closet.
%%
May an insincere glassblower give you mouth to mouth resuscitation.
%%
May an overzealous siding salesman scotchtape 5000 woodpeckers to your house.
%%
May a pregnant elephant choose your living room for the delivery.
%%
May a rabid hyena follow you constantly.
%%
May a rabid vampire bat give you a neck hickey.
%%
May a rabid wolf inhabit your closet.
%%
May a skunk take up residence in your sock drawer.
%%
May a small rodent find his way into your jodhpurs.
%%
May a thousand denebian cock-biters nest in your room.
%%
May a weird holy man move in with you.
%%
May a weird holy man put a curse on you.
%%
May bad luck follow you all your days and never catch up.
%%
Maybe.
%%
Maybe alcohol picks you up a little bit, but it sure lets you down in
 a hurry.
%%
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
 -- R. S. Barton
%%
Maybe God is a kid playing SimEarth.
%%
Maybe he's just tired of listening to you complain. I know I am.
%%
Maybe he's only a little bit crazy, like painters, or composers, or
some of those men in Washington.
 -- Mr. Shellhammer
%%
Maybe his friends can take up a collection to buy him a clue.
%%
Maybe I am getting too young for this sort of thing.
 -- Tom Baker, INVASION OF TIME
%%
Maybe I don't FEEL like smiling
%%
Maybe if we attack it, it will get confused, and make a mistake.
%%
Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world
and THEN I'll feel better.
%%
Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the
 wrong direction.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself.
 Mankind.  Basically, it's made up of two separate words---"mank" and "ind".
 What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Maybe I should have screwed up.
 -- Ken Thompson
%%
Maybe its not too late, to learn how to love and forget how to hate.
 -- Ozzy (from Crazy Train).
%%
Maybe it's right to be nervous now...
%%
Maybe I was holding all the aces, but what was the game?
%%
Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall
inherit the earth -- but they inherit very small plots,
about six feet by three.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Maybe Joycelyn Elders is the "rut" of the problem.
%%
Maybe Joycelyn Elders just can't understand the "rammerfercations."
%%
Maybe life is a grindstone; whether it polishes you or wears you down
 depends on what you're made of.
 -- Kay Fletcher
%%
"Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity and may Adil
has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of
the workers."
 -- Homer in "Crepes of Wrath", from The Simpsons
%%
Maybe love hasn't changed much through history, but can you imagine
Heloise and Abelard sitting around rubbing suntan oil on each other?
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Maybe next year I'll work on my procrastination.
%%
Maybe none of your gay friends have come out to you.
%%
Maybe someday your name will be in lights,
 saying "Johnny B. Goode tonight"
%%
Maybe the meek will inherit the earth, but if they do,
they'll be inheriting it from me.
%%
Maybe they'll send you a free upgrade...NOT!
%%
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE--
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
    Maybe we're just lucky to live in a universe composed by a
divine Bach.  Perhaps next door, the inhabitants of a John
Cage universe muddle along in chaos...
 -- Michael Weiss, in sci.physics
%%
Maybe we should tie one end down...ya think?
 -- An observer of the first (failed) Bungee jump
%%
Maybe we should use something elastic...ya think?
 -- Same observer at the second (failed) Bungee jump
%%
Maybe we were meant to fight our way through.
%%
Maybe we weren't meant for Paradise...
%%
Maybe we weren't meant for Paradise.  Maybe we were meant to fight our
  way through.  Struggle.  Claw our way up, scratch for every inch of the
  way.  Maybe we can't stroll to the music of the lutes.  We must march
  to the sound of drums.
 -- Kirk, "This Side of Paradise," stardate 3417.7.
%%
Maybe you are.
%%
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
%%
Maybe you guys will get lucky this year and face the Orioles in the
World Series.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle encouraging the Milwaukee
                   Brewers after throwing out the opening pitch of the
                   season.  Both teams are in the American League.
                   (5/3/92 Sunday Detroit News)
%%
Maybe your best was not kinky enough.
%%
Maybe you should.
%%
Maybe you shouldn't.
%%
Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
She could do your laundry 'n' cook for you
Maybe you should stay with yo' mama
You're really kinda stupid 'n' ugly too
You ain't really made for bein' out in the street
Ain't much hope for a fool like you
'Cause if you play the game, you will get beat
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
May cause excitability, especially in children.
%%
Maydens, be they never so foolyshe, yet beeing fayre they are commonly
fortunate.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues and his England, Page 279
%%
May Euell Gibbons eat your only copy of the manual!
%%
May every new sunrise bring you closer to your dreams.
%%
May famous specialists come to you from all over the world, to learn
about sickness.
%%
May fire ants nest in your garden.
%%
May fortune favor the foolish.
%%
May God and Rush Limbaugh save us from Slick Willy!
%%
May God answer all your prayers -- then mistake your worst enemy for
you.
%%
May God give you a long life of a hundred and twenty and not one day
without pain, sorrow, and suffering.
%%
May god have mercy on your soul.  He didn't have it on your face.
%%
May Godzilla get heartburn while standing in your backyard.
%%
May gold be discovered on your land the day before you find out that
the land isn't really yours.
%%
May gold, jewels, and silver never mean a thing to you.
%%
May great Cthulhu rise and eat them.
 -- Howard the Dolphin.
%%
May I call myself bad names and stomp upon ALL my toes!
%%
May I come down and approach you?
 -- Riker to Kevin Uxbridge, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
May I fire you?
%%
"May I see you pretty soon?"  "Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
%%
May I suggest delivering pizza?
 -- C Error #031
%%
May I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism
in the British Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there
is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit.
 -- Monty Python
%%
May I take your trident, sir?
 -- Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels
%%
May mice nest in your silverware drawer.
%%
May misfortune never befall you, God forbid, except when you sneeze.
%%
May not taste be compared to that exquisite sense of the bee, which
instantly discovers and extracts the quintessence of every flower, and
disregards all the rest of it?
 -- Greville
%%
[May one] doubt whether, in cheese and timber, worms are generated,
or, if beetles and wasps, in cow-dung, or if butterflies, locusts,
shellfish, snails, eels, and such life be procreated of putrefied
matter, which is to receive the form of that creature to which it
is by formative power disposed[?]  To question this is to question
reason, sense, and experience.  If he doubts this, let him go to
Egypt, and there he will find the fields swarming with mice begot
of the mud of the Nylus, to the great calamity of the inhabitants.
 -- A seventeenth century opinion quoted by L. L. Woodruff,
 -- in "The Evolution of Earth and Man", 1929
%%
MAYONNAISE, n.  One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a
state religion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mayor Daley does it 5 times every election day.
%%
Mayor of Hiroshima:
What the f%*k was that?
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Mayor of Kiev declares May Indoor Sports Month
 -- Pravda
%%
May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.
 -- The Quayle's 1989 Christmas card.
             [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]
%%
May Rothschild make you his heir, then outlive you.
%%
May see thee now, though late, redeem thy name,
And glorify what else is damn'd to fame.
 -- Richard Savage (1698-1743)
 -- Character of Foster
%%
Maytag is my middle name; I'm an agitator.
%%
May that big purple pimple between your eyes turn out to be your life-force.
%%
May the angel of death skip your house altogether -- and send Satan
instead.
%%
May the angels that guard your bed take bribes from the devil.
%%
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
%%
May the bird of paradise nose up your fly.
%%
May the bird of paradise peck a hole in your eardrum.
%%
May the bird of paradise shit on your head.
%%
May the bluebird of happiness crap all over your birthday cake.
%%
May the bluebird of happiness shit on your shoulder.
%%
May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits.
%%
May the bugs of many programs nest on your hard drive.
%%
May the bytes of a thousand replies infest your CPU.
%%
May the Carrier be with you.
%%
May the core be with you.
%%
May the egg you ate tonight rouse you bright and early tomorrow.
%%
May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow!
%%
May the farce be with you.
%%
May the fire be your friend, may the sea rock you gently.
%%
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
%%
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
%%
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your pubic hair.
%%
May the force be with you.
 -- Luke Skywalker
%%
May the Forces of Evil become confused on the way to your house.
 -- George Carlin
%%
May the God of Thunder strike you in the kneecap!
%%
May the Gods smile on you in everything you do!
%%
May the Great Bird of the galaxy bless you planet.
 -- Sulu, "The Man Trap," stardate 1513.4.
%%
May the Great Camel of Paradise bestow upon you and yours a dropping.
%%
May the great galactic kitten always purr you to sleep
%%
May the Great God of Sysopping smile upon you. :)
%%
May the Lord open your eyes and heart so that you may understand him more
 clearer.
 -- Patrick Harubin, pgh@cs.duke.edu, soc.religion.islam
%%
May the Merrill Lynch Bull leave its portfolio on your rug!
%%
May the moon light your way, till the wind sets you free.
%%
May the next version of WP be the last!
%%
May the Porsche be with you.
%%
May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back.
%%
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields and,
until we meet again may God hold you in the palm of his hand
 -- An old Irish saying.
%%
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be ever at your back
May the Good Lord keep you in the hollow of His hand.
May your heart be as warm as your hearthstone.
And when you come to die
may the wail of the poor
be the only sorrow
you'll leave behind.
May God bless you always.
 -- anonymous, "An Irish Wish"
 -- in Ralph L. Woods A Third Treasury of the Familiar (1970) p. 644
%%
May the road rise up and fall on you.
%%
May the secondhand-clothes dealer marvel at the good condition of your
wardrobe.
%%
May the seed of your loins be fertile in the belly of your woman
 -- Dr. H. Ippy
%%
May the Source be with you...always.
%%
May the sun and the spring breeze warm and caress you like an apple as
you hang from a tree.
%%
May the volts of a 1000 lightning bolts strike your modem
%%
May the wind be fast to your back and blow you over.
%%
        May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.
 -- Jack Burton's toast, in Big Trouble in Little China
%%
May the wolves never eat you because you're so tough and stringy.
%%
May they find thousands of new cures for you each year.
%%
May they name something new after you: a disease.
%%
May those who love us, love us, and those who don't love us, may
God turn their ankles so that we'll know them by their limping.
%%
May thy Pipes be created on floppies
%%
May we dance with your dates?
%%
May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss.
%%
May you accidently broadcast your life story to the NET.
%%
May you acquire a deep longing to listen to Venom (ugg).
%%
May you acquire a SEVERE headache everytime you get aroused.
%%
May you afford only the finest gruel.
%%
May you always be loved.
%%
May you always have more than your enemies: a seven-year itch lasting
fourteen years, a twenty-four-hour catarrh lasting six weeks, a bigger
hernia, a fatter goiter.
%%
May you always have someone to share your bed and board: mice, lice,
rats, gnats, bedbugs, and fleas.
%%
May you and your partner be as close as brothers
 -- Cain and Abel.
%%
May you and your wife share with each other like a horse and a sparrow.
%%
May you back into a pitchfork and grab a hot stove for support.
%%
May you be as healthy as the salmon.
%%
May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the
plow when your horse drops dead.
%%
May you become the greatest expert on drought, locust, pip, and anthrax.
%%
May you be cursed with a chronic anxiety about the weather.
 -- John Burroughs (1837-1921) from "The Book of Insults"
%%
May you be French-kissed by a leprous aardvark.
%%
May you be fruitful and multiply so that your generations are as
plentiful as the stars in the sky, and may you have to house, feed, and
clothe them all.
%%
May you be held hostage for the release of the unknown soldier's grandmother.
%%
May you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows your dead
 -- An Irish toast.
%%
May you be invited to a banquet by the governor-general and belch in his
face.
%%
May you be known for you hospitality to God's creatures: lice, rats,
bedbugs, fleas, worms, maggots.
%%
May you be rich enough to afford only the best: a diamond truss, jeweled
crutches, crystal eyes, and gold teeth.
%%
May you be so endowed no one envies you.
%%
May you be spared the indignities and infirmities of old age.
%%
May you be strong enough to endure prison without getting sick, God
forbid.
%%
May you be such a fast healer, new boils keep growing over you scabs.
%%
May you be twins, so that all your pains, troubles, and worries are
double.
%%
May you both be favored by the future of your choice!
May you live to see a thousand reasons to rejoice!
%%
May you croak one day before your worst enemy.
%%
May you daughters' beauty be admired by everyone in the circus.
%%
May you die alone and silent....
 -- Cally
%%
May you die and be reborn as a mouse in a radioactive lab.
%%
May you die in bed at 105, shot by a jealous spouse.
%%
May you enjoy your wedding feast, then choke on the last bite.
%%
May you fall off the Sears tower the day before man learns how to fly.
%%
May you find out that your lover is having a sex change operation.
%%
May you fool your enemies and beat them to Paradise.
%%
May you forget your best friends name as you deliver his eulogy.
%%
May you get a love letter from the Ayatollah Khomeini.
%%
May you get herpes the week before a preventative vaccine is announced.
%%
May you get mouth to mouth resuscitation from a paramedic with trench mouth.
%%
May you get the winning lottery ticket and a hole in your pocket.
%%
May you grow old disgracefully.
%%
May you grow so healthy, husky, and fat the worms take eighteen years to
pick you clean.
%%
May you grow so rich you never have to eat, drink, piss, crap, wash, or
walk by yourself, God forbid.
%%
May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry
about a living, God forbid.
%%
May you have a dozen daughters, each uglier than sin, and not one penny
in dowry.
%%
May you have devoted children to chase the flies off your nose.
%%
May you have eyes like a hawk and a spouse with warts.
%%
May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
%%
May you have many friends and very few living enemies.
%%
May you have many handsome and obedient sons.
%%
May you have nightmares each night and may you awaken each time to find
yourself in another nightmare.
%%
May you have the nicest neighbors in all Siberia.
%%
May you inherit a barrel of wine and a bladder without a hole.
%%
May you invent the perfect mousetrap the day after the mouse becomes extinct.
%%
May you know enough about courts, judges, bailiffs, and bail bondsmen to
be a lawyer.
%%
May you learn the secret of life in every dream, then forget it each
time you awaken.
%%
May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.
%%
May you live all the days of your life.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
May you live forever with a beautiful wife, a rose garden, and music,
and have the eyes, nose, and ears of a stone.
%%
May you live in interesting times.
 -- Ancient Chinese Curse
%%
May you live in uninteresting times.
%%
May you live long and prosper.
%%
May you lose all your teeth -- but one should remain for a toothache.
%%
May you lose everything, so that no enemy can cast an evil eye upon you.
%%
May you make a poor man richer: your doctor.
%%
May you make a widow and orphans happy -- your own.
%%
May you marry the best cook in the world and get ulcers.
%%
May you never develop rheumatism, so you can scratch away till you're ninety.
%%
May you never develop stomach trouble from too rich a diet.
%%
May you never feel pain, itch, burn, heat, cold, sting, prick.
%%
May you never have healthy mice in the house.
%%
May you never have to visit such a filthy place as the outhouse.
%%
May you never hear a word of gossip, slander, profanity, or blasphemy.
%%
May you never know hunger
May you love with a full heart
The light burn in your eyes

May the fire be your friend
And the sea rock you gently
May the moon light your way
Till the wind sets you free
 -- Shriekback
 -- Cradle Song
%%
May you never know peace.
%%
May you never leave your marriage alive.
%%
May you never live to see your wife a widow
%%
May you never meet a mouse in your cupboard with tears in his eyes!
 -- J. C. Furnas
%%
May you never see an old-age home, God forbid.
%%
May you never sneeze backwards!
%%
May you outlive everyone but your mother-in-law.
%%
May you program forever in basic, with no frills, on a TRS-80 model I.
%%
May your blind date insist on wearing a ski mask.
%%
May your breath always be sweet.
%%
May your brother become a gay porno film actor.
%%
May your brother take up go-go dancing at a gay bar.
%%
May your caffeine sources always be fresh.
%%
May your camel be as swift as the wind.
%%
May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
%%
May your children grow tall, strong, straight, and hardy like the weeds
in the Garden of Eden.
%%
May your clock run slow, your heart fast, your bile over, your wife
away, your nose always.
%%
May your computer grow ears and start listening.
%%
May your computer grow hands and massage your feet.
%%
May your daughters be like the flowers in the field -- wither away and
fade.
%%
May your daughters grow up such gems, their presence in your house
illuminates your old age.
%%
May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over
their faces.
%%
May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.
%%
May your enemies get cramps in their legs when they dance on your grave.
%%
May your eyes see like Picasso on a bad day.
%%
May your favorite woman turn out to be a man.
%%
May your favourite sports team take permanent residence in the cellar.
%%
May your firstborn child turn out to be a bleeding heart liberal.
%%
May your fortune grow so, you can afford only the finest specialist.
%%
May your friends always appreciate you.
%%
May your future be limited only by your dreams.
 -- Christa McAuliffe
%%
May your Gakh never wonder off your plate.
%%
May your hair constantly try to escape your skull, violently.
%%
May your hands decide they don't like you any more.
%%
May your jar of vaseline turn out to be crazy glue.
%%
May your Kayak have only one hole in it.
%%
May your life be sublime.
%%
May your lover insist on separate tables at a fancy restaurant.
%%
May your lucky rabbit's foot be attached to an 800 lb. rabbit.
%%
May your memories bring you comfort
and keep your loved-one close in heart.
%%
May your mother-in-law treat you like her own child and move in with you.
%%
May your name be so famous that every bailiff, bill collector,
constable, and police inspector knows it.
%%
May your neighbour get a 30 foot Anaconda for a pet.
%%
May your next romantic encounter be
interrupted by a large nuclear explosion.
%%
May your possessions never tempt another to steal.
%%
May your priest offer to sell you a tape recording of your last confession.
%%
May your saliva turn out to be poisonous.
%%
May your sister fall hopelessly in love with another woman.
%%
May your son grow up to be a famous doctor, and may you be his only case.
%%
May your sons turn out so smart they're promoted to corporal.
%%
May your soul be forever tormented by fire and your bones be dug up by dogs
and dragged through the streets of Minneapolis.
 -- Garrison Keillor
%%
May your spouse always know when you need a hug.
%%
May your stay in the afterlife be a warm one.
%%
May your toes grow 5 foot hairs that cannot be cut.
%%
May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a
 Thousand Caramels.
%%
May you spend eternity pissing your bed.
%%
May you take up a career in bomb disposal and earn the nickname 'Clumsy'.
%%
May you travel the world over just one step ahead of the police.
%%
May you wake up in the morning next to a dead orangutan.
%%
May you walk a mile behind a camel.
%%
May you want to as long as you live, and live as long as you want to
 -- Mike Quan esq.
%%
Mazda Ad: It's better to be rotary than to be pist-on.
%%
Mazda: Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly
%%
MAZEL TON - Lots of luck.
%%
MAZ: Multiply Answer by Zero
%%
MBC: Make Batch Confetti
%%
MBF: Multiply and Be Fruitful
%%
MBH: Memory Bank Hold-up
%%
M. Bob Carr, Congressman (Mich.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
:Mbogo, Dr. Fred: /*m-boh'goh, dok'tr fred/ [Stanford] n. The
   archetypal man you don't want to see about a problem, esp. an
   incompetent professional; a shyster.  "Do you know a good eye
   doctor?"  "Sure, try Mbogo Eye Care and Professional Dry
   Cleaning."  The name comes from synergy between {bogus} and the
   original Dr. Mbogo, a witch doctor who was Gomez Addams' physician
   on the old "Addams Family" TV show.  Compare {Bloggs Family,
   the}, see also {fred}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MBR: Move Bits Randomly
%%
MBTD: Mount Beatles on Tape Drive
%%
MBTOL   Move Bugs to Operator's Lunch
%%
McAfee Scan Results: "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
%%
McBorg: Over 60 billion assimilated.
%%
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled
with vegetable soup.
%%
McCoy: "Admiral, wouldn't it be easier to just put an experienced crew back on
  the ship?"
Kirk: "Galloping around the cosmos is a game for the young, Doctor."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
McCoy: "Aren't you carrying a surgeon?"
Chang: "We were until this disgrace!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "Are we firing torpedoes?"
Kirk: "I wish I knew."
McCoy: "It sure looks like it."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Starate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?  No human can tolerate the radiation
  that's in there!"
Spock: "As you are so fond of observing, Doctor, I am not human."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "Behold!  I am the Archangel Garbriel!"
 -- "Bread and Circuses", Stardate 4041.2.
%%
McCoy: "But Admiral, what about the rest of the inspection?"
Kirk: ["Later."]
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "Captain Kirk, meet my father.  He's Dad, Jim."
%%
McCoy: "Damn it, Jim, what the hell's the matter with you?  Other
people have  birthdays, why are we treating yours like a funeral?"
Kirk: "Bones, I don't want to be lectured." McCoy: "What the hell
do you want?  This is not about age, and you know it.  It's about
you flying a goddamn computer console when you want to be out there
 hopping galaxies." Kirk: "Spare me your notions of poetry please,
we all have our assigned duties." McCoy: "Bull.  You're a-hiding.
 Hiding behind rules and regulations." Kirk: "Who am I hiding from?"
McCoy: "From yourself, Admiral."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
McCoy: "Dear Lord, do you think we're intelligent enough to...  Suppose,
what if
  this thing were used where life already exists?"
Spock: "It would destroy such life, in favor of its new matrix."
McCoy: "'Its new matrix'?  Do you have any idea what you're saying?"
Spock: "I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications, Doctor.  As a
  matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to
  create."
McCoy: "Not anymore.  Now we can do both at the same time.  According to myth,
  the Earth was created in six days.  Now watch out! Here comes Genesis!  We'll
  do it for you in six minutes!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "'Doctor, if you don't cease your meddling, I will most certainly break
  your neck!'
 -- "Amok time", Stardate 3372.7.
%%
McCoy: "For twenty-seven years, I've been the ship's surgeon aboard the U.S.S.
  Enterprise.  In three months I stand down."
Chang: "Ahh.  You know, I believe that you consumed rather a generous amount of
  ...Romulan ale in the Officer's Mess on the night in question.  Am I right,
  Doctor?"
Worf: "Objection!"
Judge: "Sustained."
McCoy: "We all did!  All of us!  That doesn't mean--"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "Genesis, I presume."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "God's sakes!  What is it?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "Good god, man, get out of there!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "Go?  Where are we going?"
Kirk: "Where they went."
McCoy: "Suppose they went nowhere?"
Kirk: "Then this'll be your big chance to get away from it all."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "Happy birthday."
Kirk: "I don't know what to say."
McCoy: "Well, you could say, 'Thank you.'"
Kirk: "Thank you."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
McCoy: "Here, give me.  Now, you open this one."
Kirk: "I'm almost afraid to.  What is it?  Klingon aphrodisiacs?"
McCoy: "No.  More antiques for your collection."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
McCoy: "He's definately on about something, Jim."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "He's really not dead...as long as we remember him."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8141.6
%%
McCoy: "Hold it right there, boy!  What about my age?"
Data: "Sorry, sir.  If that subject troubles you--"
McCoy: "What's so damned troublesome about not having died?"
 -- "Encounter At Farpoint", Stardate unknown
%%
McCoy: "How can you be deaf with *ears* like that?"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
McCoy: "How can you think of food at a time like this?"
Kirk: "First order of business...survival."
Carol: "There's food in the Genesis cave.  Enough to last a *lifetime*, if
  necessary."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "I choose the danger."  [To Kirk]  "Hell of a time to ask!"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
McCoy: "I'd give real money if he'd shut up!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "If Enterprise followed orders, she's long since gone.  If she couldn't
  obey, she's...finished."
David: "So are we, it looks like."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "If I keep this up, I'll end up talking to myself!"
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
McCoy: "I just wish we could cloak the stench!"
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer."
 -- "The Devil In The Dark", Stardate 3196.1.
%%
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a coal miner."
 -- "The Empath", Stardate unknown
%%
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a mechanic."
 -- "The Doomsday Machine", Stardate 3842.4.
%%
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not an engineer."
 -- "The Deadly Years", Stardate 3479.4.
%%
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not an escalator."
 -- "Friday's Child", Stardate 3497.2.
%%
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist."
 -- "The City On The Edge Of Forever", Stardate 3134.0.
%%
McCoy: I'm a Doctor, NOT a tagline maker...
%%
McCoy: "I'm not a magician, I'm just an old country doctor."
 -- "The Deadly Years", Stardate 3479.4.
%%
McCoy: "Jim, you don't ask the Allmighty for his ID!"
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
McCoy: "Leave me!  I'm finished!"
Kirk: "No!  Bones, I'm wearing a viridium patch on my back!  Spock slapped it
  there just before we went on Gorkon's ship!"
McCoy: "Why that cunning little Vulcan!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "My God, man!  I tried to save him!  I tried to save him!  I was
  desperate to save him!  He was the last best hope in the universe for peace."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "My God, that's a big ship."
Scott: "Not so big as her captain, I think."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "Never rains, but it pours."
Kirk: "As a physician you of all people should appreciate the dangers of
  reopening old wounds."
McCoy: "Sorry."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "No!  You'll flood the whole compartment!"
Kirk: "He'll die!"
Scott: "Die?  He's dead already."
McCoy: "It's too late, Jim."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "Of course...a child could do it!"
 -- "Spock's Brain", Stardate 5431.6
%%
McCoy: "Oh, sweet Jesus!"
Kirk: "Can you help him?"
McCoy: "Jim, I don't even know his anatomy!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "She change her hairstyle?"
Kirk: "Haven't noticed."
McCoy: "Wonderful stuff that Romulan ale."
Kirk: "Hmm."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "She's ready, Jim!  Lock and load!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "Spock's contaminating this boy, Jim."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
McCoy: "Stop me if I'm wrong, but do we have any way of knowing whether this is
  the real you?"
Martia: "I thought I would assume a pleasing shape."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "The good news is they're not going to prosecute." Uhura: "They
might as well have prosecuted me.  I felt like Lieutenant Valeris."
McCoy: "Well, they don't arrest people for having feelings." Chekov:
"It's a good thing too.  If they did, we'd all have to turn ourselves
 in."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "The operation is over."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "Three months before retirement.  What a way to finish."
Kirk: "We're not finished."
McCoy: "Huh?  Speak for yourself.  One day, one night, Kobayashi Maru."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "To coin a phrase...'fascinating'."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
McCoy: "To you, Chancellor Gorkon.  One of the architects of our future."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
McCoy: "Well, what do you know?  I finally got the last word."
 -- "Journey To Babel", Stardate 3842.3.
%%
McCoy: "Well, you've got any bright ideas, now's the time."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "We thought this was Genesis."
Carol: "This?  It the Starfleet Corps of Engineers ten months in spacesuits to
  tunnel out all this.  What we did in there, we did in a day."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "We've got a full confession."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "We've got a heartbeat!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor?"
 -- "The Corbomite Manuever", Stardate 1514.0.
%%
McCoy: "What kind of creature is this?  Last night, you two were--"
Kirk: "Don't remind me."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "What the devil is that?"
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
McCoy: "Where're you gonna find Spock's brain?"
Kirk: "Is this a trick question, Bones?"
 -- "Spock's Brain", Stardate 5431.6
%%
McCoy: "Where's the *logic* in asking me if I wanted a ride home?
 If I wanted a
  ride home, would I be here trying to charter a space flight?"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
McCoy: "Who's been holding up the damn elevator?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "Would you like a tranquilizer?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "Would you mind explaining that little...trick you do?"
Martia: "I'm a Chameloid."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McCoy: "You okay, Jim?  How do you feel?"
Kirk: "Young!  I feel young!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8141.6
%%
McCoy: "You really *piss* me off, Jim!"
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
McCoy: "You're *not* going in there."
Spock: "Perhaps you're right.  What is Mister Scott's condition?"
McCoy: "Well, I don't think that he--"
Spock: "Sorry, Doctor, I have no time to discuss this logically.
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
McCoy: "You've got him where you want him!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
McDonald's -- Because you're worth it.
%%
McDonald's new McSUSHI: "America's Eating It Raw!"
 -- SNL
%%
McEnroe was asked recently whether he preferred grass or astro-turf
 to which he replied...

 "I don't know. I've never smoked astro-turf!"
%%
MC Hammer, n. Device used to ensure firm seating of MicroChannel boards
%%
MC, ICE T, CHRIS X, NEW KIDS - 4 Horsemen of the apocolypes of Rock =-
%%
MCI playing dirtier than the evil empire cause they're #2
%%
McJob:
 A low-pay, low-prestige, low-dignity, low-benefit, no-future
job in the service sector. Frequently considered a satisfying career
choice by people who have never held one.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
MC: Melt down Core
%%
MC: Move Continuous
%%
MDB: Move and Drop Bits
%%
MDC: Make Disk Crash
%%
MD:  Create a new place to lose files.
%%
MDDHAF: Make Disk Drive Hop Across Floor
%%
MD: Move and Drop bits
%%
MD: Move Devious
%%
MDs only do it if you have appropriate insurance
%%
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa; yeah, right.   To paraphrase,
 the net finds its own uses for garbage.
 -- Eric Hughes (hughes@math.berkeley.edu)
%%
Mead not found: (G)rab import, (S)tart brewing (G/s)?
%%
meadow mine
(meh-dough myn) n. rural: cow pie so obviously old and solid as to
tempt one to step on it; beneath its tissue-thin crust lurks a
pudding of green putrescence.
%%
Meadows trim with daisies pied,
Shallow brooks and rivers wide;
Towers and battlements it sees
Bosom'd high in tufted trees,
Where perhaps some beauty lies,
The cynosure of neighboring eyes.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 75
%%
Meagre were his looks,
Sharp misery had worn him to the bones.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Meals On Safari: Lionel Eecha
%%
Meal-Time is When It's Ready!!!!!
%%
Mealtime is when the kids sit down to continue eating.
%%
...me and David were slow dancing. The odors of his brut cologne was
blowing my mind away and the feeling of his fingers on my back. You
know that great car-stomach feeling when you fly over a hump? That
was my whole body.
 -- Lynda Barry
%%
MEANDER, n.  To proceed sinuously and aimlessly.  The word is the
ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of
Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing
when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Me and my two friends, GIF and Wesson.
%%
Meanest girl in the world: Tonya Rodham Bobbitt
%%
Meaningful taglines wanted: apply here.
%%
Meaning is the play, or interplay, of light.
 -- A. Storch
%%
Meaningless quotes a specialty.
%%
Meaningless tagline attached to pointless message.
%%
Meaningless TagLine Version 1.0 Copyright (c) 1992
%%
Meaning of life: <deleted for lack of space>
%%
MEANING
  When you say you're going to rip both my testicles from my groin
  and stuff them down my throat... what do you really mean by the
  word "groin"?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Means not, but blunders round about a meaning;
And he whose fustian 's so sublimely bad,
It is not poetry, but prose run mad.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 186
%%
mean time between failures -- when you get an "F" on your
report card and you take it out on your dog.
%%
"Meanwhile back at the farm, Aunt Martha had gone for a tramp in the forest
and was lying in a ditch at the edge of town..."
 -- MASH
%%
Meanwhile, back at the oasis, the Arabs were eating their dates.
%%
Meanwhile, back in the year ONE...
%%
Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time low over the
 world.
%%
    Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.  Voltare
invented electricity and also wrote a book called "Candy".  Gravity was
invented by Issac Walton.  It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the
apples are flaling off the trees.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
Meanwhile, let it be clear what we do: we fight contraception-sterilization-
 abortion on six continents...
 -- Fr. Paul Marx, President, Human Life International, in his brochure,
      Human Life International Explained, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking
     For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
Meanwhile, the guilty soul cannot keep its own secret. It is false
to itself; or, rather, it feels an irresistible impulse of conscience
to be true to itself. It must be confessed- it will be confessed- there
is no refuge from confession but suicide, and suicide is confession.
 -- Daniel Webster
%%
Meanwhile, the search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon
 slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning but hopes
 to be back on duty tomorrow.
 -- Ronnie Barker
%%
Me a skeptic?  I trust you can prove that!?
%%
Measles Collision!: Kay Rash
%%
Measure a thousand times and cut once.
 -- Turkish Proverb
%%
Measure not men by Sundays, without regarding what they do all the week after.
 -- Fuller
%%
Measure twice and saw once.
 -- Advice from an old carpenter
%%
Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for
which you would not take money.
%%
Measure with a micrometer.
Mark with chalk.
Cut with an axe.
 -- Ray's Rule for Precision
%%
Meat Eaters: Carney Vore
%%
:meatware: n. Synonym for {wetware}.  Less common.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE ME -- BYTE
%%
MECHANICAL ENGINEERING MAJORS do it in gear
%%
Mechanical engineers do it automatically.
%%
MECHANICAL ENGINEERS do it with fluid dynamics
%%
MECHANICAL ENGINEERS do it with stress and strain
%%
Mechanics do it from underneath.
%%
Mechanics do it on their backs.
%%
MECHANICS do it with oils
%%
Mechanics have to jack it up and then do it.
%%
Mechanic slaves
With greasy aprons, rules, and hammers.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
MEDAL, n.  A small metal disk given as a reward for virtues,
attainments or services more or less authentic.
    It is related of Bismark, who had been awarded a medal for
gallantly rescuing a drowning person, that, being asked the meaning of
the medal, he replied:  "I save lives sometimes."  And sometimes he
didn't.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are
crunchy and good with ketchup.
%%
Meddle not in the affairs of wizards, for...<poof< ribbit? ribbit?
%%
Me der am de Swedish Chef of Borg, Borg Borg Borg.
%%
MEDIA: Manipulating Everyone's Decisions In America
%%
Median 85% of adult homeless are men.
%%
Media&Reagan/Bush: witch hunt. Media&Clinton: tea party.
%%
Media's self fu care!!!   William
%%
Media's self fulfilling prophesy: the public is watching O.J.'s saga.
%%
MEDICAL COLUMN
Recent research into peoples fears has revealed a number of new
phobias:
 - Ticketphobia - the fear of losing your train-ticket when the
       ticket-inspectors get on
 - Humorphobia - fear of not being able to keep up with all the new
       articles in rec.humor
 - Phobiaphobia - the fear of being afraid of something
 - VAXphobia - fear of Vax VMS commands
 - Toxicphobia - fear of Toxic Custard Workshop Files (they can be vicious)
 - Duckphobia - fear of ducks
 - Hibiscusphobia - fear of malvaceous tropical plants
 - Porkphobia - fear of pork - very common in Israel
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Medical Daffynition: Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis
%%
Medical definition: Barium. What you do if CPR fails.
%%
Medical definition: Dilate. To live too long
%%
Medical researchers make mice do it first.
%%
Medical science *still* cannot cure stupidity.
%%
Medical staff..... A doctor's cane.
%%
Medical Terms: Seizure             A Roman emperor
%%
Medicare and Medicaid are the greatest measures yet devised to make
the world safe for clerks.
%%
MEDICINE, n.  A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Medicine: The fine art of doing as little as medically possible.
%%
 MEDICINE:  You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of
 gauze, and a bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not
 suture until your work has been examined.  You have 15 minutes.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
MEDIEVALISTS do it with fake, fluffy weapons
%%
Mediocre is as mediocre does.  Just average.
%%
Mediocre minds usually dismiss anything which reaches
beyond their own understanding.
 -- Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims" 1665
%%
Mediocrity finds safety in standardization.
 -- Frederick Crane
%%
Mediocrity is excellence to the mediocre.
%%
Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes
genius.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "Sherlock Holmes: The Valley of Fear", 1914
%%
Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.
 -- Charles G. Dawes
%%
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
%%
Meditation is not what you think.
%%
:meeces: /mees'*z/ [TMRC] n. Occasional furry visitors who are
   not {urchin}s.  [That is, mice. This may no longer be in live
   use; it clearly derives from the refrain of the early-1960s cartoon
   character Mr. Jinx: "I hate meeces to *pieces*!" --- ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Meek and lowly, pure and holy,
Chief among the "blessed three."
 -- Charles Jefferys (1807-1865)
 -- Charity
%%
MEEKNESS, n.  Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth
while.

    M is for Moses,
        Who slew the Egyptian.
    As sweet as a rose is
    The meekness of Moses.
    No monument shows his
        Post-mortem inscription,
    But M is for Moses
        Who slew the Egyptian.
                                           _The Biographical Alphabet_
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Meep, Meep, (and picture a cloud of smoke...)
%%
Meet George Jetson; his boy Elroy; daughter Judy; Jane, his wife.
%%
MEET GOD IN PERSON!
This Thursday  from  12-2pm,  God  will be signing copies of his new single, "I
Don't Like Fridays" in the record department at Myer Southland.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Meeting, n.:
   An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or
department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
%%
Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Meet me by moonlight alone,
  And then I will tell you a tale
Must be told by the moonlight alone,
  In the grove at the end of the vale!
 -- J. A. Wade (1800-1875)
 -- Meet me by Moonlight
%%
Meet me in the bedroom in five minutes... and bring a cattle prod!
 -- Woody Allen's What's Up Tiger Lily
%%
Meet my girlfriend, her name is Ranma... Why are you laughing?
%%
Meet my latest girlfriend, said Geordi unsteadily.
%%
MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS .... It compiles without errors
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS: ours, not yours.
%%
Meet the new boss, just the same as the old boss.
 -- Pete Townshend
%%
Meet the sun every day as if it could cast a ballot.
 -- Henry Cabot Lodge, Jr.
 (to novice political campaigner Dwight D. Eisenhower)

 Don't try to take on a new personality; it doesn't work.
 -- Richard Nixon
%%
Meet yourself! Commit suicide and type "hack"
%%
MEGABOGUE (1987-)
  Megabogue's music has been described as "anal sadistic", "creative
  lionism", and "a load of shit" by various critics of differing
  intellectual standards over the years. The crux of their music is a
  complete lack of talent or effort put into their recordings. This
  lack of any concern or care in their work has brought many
  classically bad and unpopular works into the public eye, and
  generally straight out of the public mouth and into the nearest
  bucket. They have not been so much thrust into the limelight as
  vomited into the taupelight.
      To this criticism, the members of Megabogue would probably
  argue their case thus: "Fuck off!"
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Megabyte: A nine course dinner.
%%
Megabyte: (n.) more than you can comprehend and less than you'll need.
%%
Mega dittos from the Bayou State . . .
%%
Megadodo Publications, home of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
%%
MegaHertz: a VERY large car rental company.
%%
Megahertz: when something is really painful.
%%
MEGAHERTZ: Your hand's condition after hitting your computer
%%
MegaLith: Heavy metal band formed by geologists.
%%
MegaMail:  The Mother of All Readers
%%
MegaMail----What A Wonderful Toy!
%%
Meganegabar: the line you draw across "the amount" on a check.
%%
:megapenny: /meg'*-pen`ee/ n. $10,000 (1 cent * 10^6).
   Used semi-humorously as a unit in comparing computer cost and
   performance figures.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Megaton Man:    "LOOK at them!  Helpless, tender creatures, relying on
                ME, waiting for ME to make my move!"

(from below):   "Move your ASS, Fat-head!"

Megaton Man:      "It is a MANDATE, and I am DUTY BOUND to OBEY!"
 -- Megaton Man
%%
:MEGO: /me'goh/ or /mee'goh/ [`My Eyes Glaze Over', often `Mine
   Eyes Glazeth (sic) Over', attributed to the futurologist Herman
   Kahn] Also `MEGO factor'.  1. n. A {handwave} intended to
   confuse the listener and hopefully induce agreement because the
   listener does not want to admit to not understanding what is going
   on.  MEGO is usually directed at senior management by engineers and
   contains a high proportion of {TLA}s.  2. excl. An appropriate
   response to MEGO tactics.  3. Among non-hackers, often refers not
   to behavior that causes the eyes to glaze, but to the eye-glazing
   reaction itself, which may be triggered by the mere threat of
   technical detail as effectively as by an actual excess of it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Me hates peoples who don't use gooder English.
%%
Me hav'um heap trouble! - Tonto the programmer
%%
Mein Hund hat keine nase. Wie Riecht er?    Furchtbar!
 -- Hitler's Pre-War Joke
%%
Me-ism:
 A search by an individual, in the absence of training in the
traditional religious tenets, to formulate a personally tailored
religion by himself. Most frequently a mishmash of reincarnation,
personal dialogue with a nebulously defined god figure, naturalism,
and karmic eye-for-eye attitudes.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Mejor morir a pie que vivir en rodillas.

[Better to die on one's feet than live on one's knees.]
 -- Dolores Ibarruri (La Pasionaria) (1895-1989)
%%
Me know gammar.  Me cood use it gud.
%%
melancholic:  caused by eating too much cantaloupe.
%%
Melancholy is the nurse of frenzy.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Melchett, I prostrate myself before the feet of the world's _greatest
  living comedian_!!!....
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
Melchett is in mourning for the woman of his dreams. He's unlikely
  to be in the mood to marry a two-legged badger wrapped in a curtain.
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
Me let the tender office long engage
To rock the cradle of reposing age;
With lenient arts extend a mother's breath,
Make languor smile, and smooth the bed of death;
Explore the thought, explain the asking eye,
And keep awhile one parent from the sky.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 408
%%
Mellie: If you're interested, I'll be in my quarters, covered in maple syrup.
Ace:    Sorry, Mellie -- I don't fraternise with staff.
Mellie: I resign.
Ace:    I'll be there at 1300.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Dimension Jump'
%%
Melt and dispel, ye spectre-doubts, that roll
Cimmerian darkness o'er the parting soul!
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 263
%%
Melted fruit snacks on keyboard.  Delete children (Y/n)?
%%
Member ACNE Anonymous Computer Nerds Eclectic
%%
Member: IL Moderator Mafia. Tag! You're Hit!
%%
Member: L.C.W.T. (Louisiana Crawfish Wrestling Team).
%%
Member NAFWD - National Association for Windows Deletion
%%
Member, National Association For Tagline Assimilators (NAFTA)
%%
Member of a fine fraternity - TAPPA KEGGA BUD
%%
Member of the Church of the Ladder Game Saints.
%%
Member of the global hegemonic oligopatriarchy and proud of it!
%%
Member of the International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves.
%%
Member of the Klingon Rollerball Team
%%
Member of the Moron Tallywacker Choir.
%%
Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
      [ birds of a feather flock together. ]
%%
Member ST:TOS Redshirt Veterans Association
%%
Member, the Society for Creative Anachronism.
%%
Memeber of the Guild of Tagline Theives.
%%
:meme: /meem/ [coined by analogy with `gene', by Richard
   Dawkins] n. An idea considered as a {replicator}, esp. with
   the connotation that memes parasitize people into propagating them
   much as viruses do.  Used esp. in the phrase `meme complex'
   denoting a group of mutually supporting memes that form an
   organized belief system, such as a religion.  This lexicon is an
   (epidemiological) vector of the `hacker subculture' meme complex;
   each entry might be considered a meme.  However, `meme' is often
   misused to mean `meme complex'.  Use of the term connotes
   acceptance of the idea that in humans (and presumably other tool-
   and language-using sophonts) cultural evolution by selection of
   adaptive ideas has superseded biological evolution by selection of
   hereditary traits.  Hackers find this idea congenial for tolerably
   obvious reasons.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:meme plague: n. The spread of a successful but pernicious
   {meme}, esp. one that parasitizes the victims into giving
   their all to propagate it.  Astrology, BASIC, and the other guy's
   religion are often considered to be examples.  This usage is given
   point by the historical fact that `joiner' ideologies like
   Naziism or various forms of millennarian Christianity have
   exhibited plague-like cycles of exponential growth followed by
   collapses to small reservoir populations.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:memetics: /me-met'iks/ [from {meme}] The study of memes.  As of
   mid-1993, this is still an extremely informal and speculative
   endeavor, though the first steps towards at least statistical rigor
   have been made by H. Keith Henson and others.  Memetics is a
   popular topic for speculation among hackers, who like to see
   themselves as the architects of the new information ecologies in
   which memes live and replicate.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MEMO:
 An interoffice communication too often written more for the
benefit of the person who sends it than the person who receives it.
%%
Memo from the council executive to district commissioner--"By order of the
national commissioner executive, tomorrow at 1800 hours, Halley's Comet will
appear above the Scout Hut area.  If it rains, fall the Scouts out in uniform.
Then march them to a theater, where the rare phenomenon will take place,
which happens once every 75 years."
%%
MEMOIR
  A book written by someone who has fallen out of the limelight and
  is struggling to get back in. Generally hardback and costs at least
  $25. Generally a work of fiction by the author, claiming how great
  he/she was/is. The best memoirs are written sufficiently late that
  there's no-one else still alive to refute what the author says.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Memoirs are the backstairs of history.
%%
Memories are like stones, time and distance erode them like acid.
 -- Ugo Betti
%%
Memories keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.
%%
Memories of things that never happened
These are always the hardest to forget
All the old friends and the loved ones
These are the people you haven't even met

Looking forward into the old days
Looking back at the past gonna be
There's no reality, it's just an illusion
There's no real sanity, just plain confusion
 -- Thomas Dolby with "Steve and Yolanda" The Mirror Song _TOYS_ Soundtrack
%%
Memories of you remind me of you.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
MEMORY: A component of a computer that holds data.
     Sometimes it doesn't.  Amount present in a given
      system is calculated in a manner similar to
   REGISTERS (see).


 REGISTER:
      A part of a computer's processor that holds
   information for a while.  Number of registers in
      a given system is N-3 where N is the number
   needed to efficiently implement a function.
%%
Memory address alignment
%%
Memory allocation error: Reboot System!
%%
Memory dump: Amnesia
%%
MEMORY ERROR: Now what?
%%
Memory error on Brain1 - R)eboot, S)mack upside the head.
%%
:memory farts: n. The flatulent sounds that some DOS box BIOSes
   (most notably AMI's) make when checking memory on bootup.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Memory fault. Brain dumped.
%%
Memory fault. Brain fried.
%%
Memory fault. Core dumped.
%%
Memory fault -- core...uh...um...core...Oh dammit, I forget!
%%
Memory fault. Where am I?
%%
Memory flaw - core dumped.
%%
Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
 -- WindowError: 00C
%%
Memory is a prism through which yesterdays's light is passed;
Split into a rainbow of moments each colored more dimly than
the last. How will today's light look tomorrow and -- how
would tomorrows look today? Would the filter of time be as
brutal if that prism were two-way?
 -- Infocom, From the Infocom Aventure 'A Mind Forever Voyaging'
%%
Memory is a thing we forget with.
%%
Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
 -- Seymore Cray, on virtual memory
%%
Memory is the first to go--thank goodness!
%%
Memory is the ghost of experience.
%%
Memory is the power to gather roses in winter.
%%
Memory is the second thing to go.
%%
:memory leak: n. An error in a program's dynamic-store allocation
   logic that causes it to fail to reclaim discarded memory, leading
   to eventual collapse due to memory exhaustion.  Also (esp. at
   CMU) called {core leak}.  These problems were severe on older
   machines with small, fixed-size address spaces, and special "leak
   detection" tools were commonly written to root them out.  With the
   advent of virtual memory, it is unfortunately easier to be sloppy
   about wasting a bit of memory (although when you run out of memory
   on a VM machine, it means you've got a *real* leak!).  See
   {aliasing bug}, {fandango on core}, {smash the stack},
   {precedence lossage}, {overrun screw}, {leaky heap},
   {leak}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Memory Manager: Something I need more than my computer.
%%
Memory Map: A sheet of paper showing location of computer store.
%%
Memory ... now where did I put my memory?
%%
Memory Overload Error ... Meltdown Evident
%%
Memory parity error - Turn computer on and off 12 times
%%
Memory seems to go first, or second, or ...
%%
Memory serves wise commanders.
 Tz'u-hsi, 638 AD
%%
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
%%
:memory smash: [XEROX PARC] n. Writing through a pointer that
   doesn't point to what you think it does.  This occasionally reduces
   your machine to a rubble of bits.  Note that this is subtly
   different from (and more general than) related terms such as a
   {memory leak} or {fandango on core} because it doesn't imply
   an allocation error or overrun condition.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MEMORY:  The thing Bob forgets with.
%%
Memory, the warder of the brain.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 7
%%
Memory....??....What memory??
%%
Memory: what wonders it performs in preserving and storing up things gone by
or rather, things that are!
 -- Plutarch
%%
Memphis--home of the blues, Elvis, and Sparky.
%%
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's
last romance.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.
%%
Men are all alike in their promises.
 It is only in their deeds that they differ.
 -- Molier, from the Miser
%%
Men are always ready to respect anything that bores them.
 -- Marilyn Monroe
%%
Men are a pain in the ass, women are a pain EVERYWHERE!
%%
Men are April when they woo, December when they wed: maids are May
when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Men are apt to deceive themselves in big things, but they rarely
do so in particulars.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Men are blind in their own cause.
 -- Heywood Hale Broun (1888-1939)
%%
Men are born crying
And when they've cried enough
They die
 -- Ran
%%
Men are born with two eyes, but with one tongue, in order that they
should see twice as much as they say.
 -- Colton
%%
Men are but children of a larger growth.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- All for Love, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most
luxurious.  They are conservatives after dinner.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "New England Reformers"
%%
Men are deprived of their right to life because of their sex.
%%
Men are either born with consciences, or marry them.
%%
Men are even lazier than they are timorous, and what they fear most is the
troubles with which any unconditional honesty and nudity would burden them.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Men are here for the sake of other men.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Men are irrelevant.
 -- Fay Weldon
%%
Men are just like computers, and a smart woman keeps a backup.
%%
Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
 -- Pope John XXIII, 1978
%%
Men are machines, with all their boasted freedom, Their movements
turn on some favorite passion; Let art but find the foible out, We
touch the spring and wind them at our pleasure.
 -- Brooke
%%
Men are more apt to be mistaken in their generalizations
than in their particular observations.
 -- Machiavelli
%%
Men are more sentimental then women. It blurs their thinking.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Men are most apt to believe what they least understand.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
Men are never so likely to settle a question rightly as when they
discuss it freely.
 -- Macaulay
%%
Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.
 -- Gene Fowler
%%
Men are not hanged for stealing horses, but that horses may not be stolen.
 -- Lord Halifax Works
%%
Men aren't attracted to me by my mind.
They're attracted by what I don't mind...
 -- Gypsy Rose Lee
%%
Men are often capable of greater things than they perform. They are sent
into the world with bills of credit, and seldom draw to their full extent.
 -- Horace Walpole
%%
Men are rewarded or punished not for what they do but for how their
acts are defined.  That is why men are more interested in better justifying
themselves than in better behaving themselves.
 -- Thomas S. Szasz
%%
Men are seldom more innocently employed than when they are honestly
making money.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Men are so constituted that everybody undertakes what he sees another
successful in, whether he has aptitude for it or not.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Men are so shallow. They like nurses! Single, vicious, good-looking girls
 ... little short skirts, the top button undone, always leaning over in the
 operating room: "Let me help, let me help." While I was having my baby the
 woman in the next room died! Died, while a nurse was down the hall talking
 to a single man. That woman died! And she was a visitor.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.
%%
Men are the sport of circumstances, when the circumstances seem the
sport of men.
 -- Byron
%%
Men are used as they use others.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The King who became Just, Chap. ii, Fable ix
%%
Men are very generous with what cost them nothing.
 -- Proverb
%%
Men are very strange. When they wake up they want breakfast. They don't eat
 candy in the morning like we do. They want things like toast. I don't have
 these recipes.
 -- Elayne Boosler
%%
Men are what their mothers made them.
 -- Emerson
%%
Men argue, nature acts.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Men become old, but they never become good.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Men bond by giving criticism, women bond by giving support.
%%
Men bound in fellowship first weep and lament,
But afterward the laugh.
After great struggles they succeed in meeting.
%%
Men
Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
Which they themselves not feel.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Men can suck the heady juice of exalted self-importance from the bitter weed of
failure - failures are usually the most conceited of men.
 -- D. H. Lawrence
%%
Men, can't live with em...and ya can't sell em for parts!
%%
Men: Can't live with them, can't shoot 'em.
%%
Men come in 3 sizes: small, medium and Oh my God!..
%%
Men come in three sizes: small, average, and OOoohhh baby!
%%
MENDACIOUS, adj.  Addicted to rhetoric.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Men die but an idea does not.
 -- Alan Jay Lerner
%%
Men do less than they ought, unless they do all that they can.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
%%
Men do not desire to be rich, but to be richer than other men.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
Men do not live by the mind, you say?  I have withdrawn those who
do.  The mind is impotent, you say?  I have withdrawn those whose
minds aren't.  There are values higher than the mind, you say?    I
have withdrawn those for whom there aren't.
 -- John Galt
%%
Men do not mind a bust in the mouth if provided by beautiful voluptuous lady!
%%
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old;
 they grow old because they quit playing."
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
Men do not reject the Bible because it contradicts itself, but because it
contradicts them.
 -- E Paul Hovey
%%
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what *else* is on TV.
%%
Mend your speech a little,
Lest it may mar your fortunes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Mene, mene, tekel upharsin.
%%
Men employees will be given off one evening each week for courting
purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Menenius Agrippa concluded at length with the celebrated fable: "It
once happened that all the other members of a man mutinied against
the stomach, which they accused as the only idle, uncontributing part
in the whole body, while the rest were put to hardships and the expense
of much labour to supply and minister to its appetites."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Coriolanus
%%
Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural
fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Death
%%
Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth, more than ruin, more
even than death....Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and
terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and
comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid.
Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief
glory of man.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967), "Selected Papers"
%%
Men fight for freedom; then they begin to accumulate laws to take
it away from them.
%%
Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.
 -- Margaret Fuller
%%
Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.
 -- Gaius Julius Caesar (100-44 B.C.)
%%
Men give away nothing so liberally as their advice.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Men give love to get sex, Women give sex to get love
%%
Men give women jewels when they have absolutely no idea what might
please them, and are not willing to take time to find out.
 -- Sheri S. Tepper
%%
Men go shopping just as men go out fishing or hunting,
to see how large a fish may be caught with the smallest hook.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry
 later; for another thing, they die earlier.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.
 -- E. W. Howe
%%
Men have become tools of their tools.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them,--but not for love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Men have fiendishly conceived a heaven only to find it insipid, and
a hell only to find it ridiculous.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Men have many faults,
 Women only two:
 Everything they say,
 And everything they do!
%%
Men have never loved one another much, for reasons we can readily understand:
Man is not a lovable animal.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Men have no civil rights when women jab uncivil lefts.
%%
Men have not found the words for it nor the deed nor the thought, but
they have found the music.  Let me see that in one single act of man on
earth.  Let me see it made real.  Let me see the answer to the promise of
that music.  Not servants nor those served; not altars and immolations;
but the final, the fulfilled, innocent of pain.  Don't help me or serve
me, but let me see it once, because I need it.     Don't work for my
happiness, my brothers -- show me yours -- show me that it is possible --
show me your achievement -- and the knowledge will give me courage for
mine.
%%
Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Men in great place are thrice servants,--servants of the sovereign
or state, servants of fame, and servants of business.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Great Place
%%
Men invented computers to drive women crazier!
%%
Men, iron, money and bread are the strength of the war, but of these
four, the first two are the most necessary; because men and iron
find money and bread, but bread and money find not men and iron.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Men just don't seem to jump off the bridge for big reasons;
they usually do so for little ones.
 -- W.H. Ferry
%%
Men know that if a woman had to choose between catching a fly ball and
 saving an infant's life, she would probably save the infant's life, without
 even considering whether there were men on base.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Men learn while they teach.
 -- Seneca
%%
Men, like bullets, go farthest when they are smoothest.
 -- Jean Paul Richter
%%
Men like long nails - in old movies couples were always scratching each
 other's backs.
%%
Men like pastries, women like custards.
%%
Men lived like fishes; the great ones devoured the small.
 -- Algernon Sidney (1622-1683)
 -- Discourses on Government, Chap. ii, Sect. xviii
%%
Men live for three things, fast cars, fast women and fast food.
%%
Men love their ideas more than their lives. And the more preposterous the
idea, the more eager they are to die for it. And to kill for it.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson, 'Society and Solitude' 1870
%%
Men make history, and not the other way around.  In periods where
there is no leadership, society stands still.  Progress occurs when
courageous, skillful leaders seize the opportunity to change things
for the better.
 -- Harry S Truman (1884-1972)
%%
Men make the laws, women make the manners.
%%
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious;
 both are disappointed.
%%
Men may live fools, but fools they cannot die.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 843
%%
Men met each other with erected look,
The steps were higher that they took;
Friends to congratulate their friends made haste,
And long inveterate foes saluted as they pass'd.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Threnodia Augustalis, Line 124
%%
Men must be taught as if you taught them not,
And things unknown propos'd as things forgot.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part iii, Line 15
%%
Men must either be caressed or annihilated and the injury must be such
that the victim cannot pay you back for it.  Whoever acts otherwise is
obliged to stand forever with a knife in his hand.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Men must either be caressed or annihilated. They will revenge themselves
for small injuries, but they can't do so for great ones. The harm
the leader does must be such that he need not fear revenge.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Men must work, and women must weep.
 -- Charles Kingsley (1819-1875)
 -- The Three Fishers
%%
Men, my brothers, men the workers, ever reaping something new.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 117
%%
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it
from religious conviction.
 -- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
%%
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves
up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
Men of few words are the best men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Men of genius are often dull and inert in society, as a blazing meteor
when it descends to earth, is only a stone.
 -- Longfellow
%%
Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.
 -- Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)
%%
Men of most renowned virtue have sometimes by transgressing most truly
kept the law.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Tetrachordon
%%
Men of peace usually are [brave].
 -- Spock, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.5.
%%
Men of polite learning and a liberal education.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Acts x
%%
Men of power have no time to read,
yet the men who do not read are unfit for power.
 -- Michael Foot
%%
Men of quality are not afraid of women for equality.
%%
Men of reason have endured; men of passion have lived.
 -- Sebastien Roch Nicolas Chamfort (1741-1794)
 -- Maximes et Pensees (1796)
%%
Men of sense often learn from their enemies.  It is from their foes,
not their friends, that cities learn the lesson of building high walls
and ships of war . . .
 -- Aristophanes
%%
Men often believe -- or pretend -- that the "Law" is something
sacred, or at least a science -- an unfounded assumption very
convenient to governments.
%%
Men often deceive themselves in believing that humility can overcome insolence.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Men often make up in wrath what they want in reason.
 -- William Rounseville Alger
%%
Men only learned to walk upright cause they put beer on the top shelf!
%%
Men ought to know that from the brain and from the brain only arise
our pleasures, joys, laughter, and jests as well as our sorrows,
pains, griefs and tears.  ... It is the same thing which makes us mad
or delirious, inspires us with dread and fear, whether by night or by
day, brings us sleeplessness, inopportune mistakes, aimless anxieties,
absent-mindedness and acts that are contrary to habit...
 -- Hippocrates (460?-377? B.C.), The Sacred Disease
%%
Men... Pat their tush and they'll do all your bidding.
%%
Men play the game; women know the score.
%%
Men prefer the simple things in life ... WOMEN!
%%
Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves.
Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Men rattle their chains to show that they are free.
%%
Men resemble the gods in nothing so much as in doing good to their
fellow creatures.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Men say, kinde will creepe where it may not goe.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Men say of women what pleases them; women do with men what pleases them.
 -- DeSegur
%%
MENSCH   Man Entitled to Nights of Sensuously Complete Happiness
%%
Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy; women's desire for
intimacy often results in sex.
%%
Men seldom make passes at a girl who surpasses.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), "News Item"
%%
Men seldom, or rather never for a length of time and deliberately,
rebels against anything that does not deserve rebelling against.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
%%
Men's evil manners live in brass; their virtues
We write in water.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Men should be like Kleenex; soft, strong and disposable.
 -- Mrs. White, _Clue_
%%
Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they
think laughable.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Men shut their doors against a setting sun.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Men's judgments are
A parcel of their fortunes; and things outward
Do draw the inward quality after them,
To suffer all alike.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iii, Sc. 13
%%
Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them apart.
 -- Cervantes
%%
Men, some to business, some to pleasure take;
But every woman is at heart a rake.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 215
%%
Men's Rights?  NO    Women's Rights?  NO    Equal Rights?  YES
 -- Curtis Jackson
%%
Men's skin is different from women's skin.  It is usually bigger, and
it has more snakes tattooed on it.  Also, if you examine a woman's skin
very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently
tracing the slender curve of her calves, then moving up to her ...
   [EDITOR'S NOTE: To make room for news articles about important
         world events such as agriculture, we're going to delete the
   next few square feet of the woman's skin.  Thank you.]
... until finally the two of you are lying there, spent, smoking your
cigarettes, and suddenly it hits you: Human skin is actually made up of
billions of tiny units of protoplasm, called cells!    And what is even
more interesting, the ones on the outside are all dying!  This is a
fact.  Your skin is like an aggressive modern corporation, where the
older veteran cells, who have finally worked their way to the top and
obtained offices with nice views, are constantly being shoved out the
window head first, without so much as a pension plan, by younger
hotshot cells moving up from below.
 -- Dave Barry, Saving Face
%%
Men stare at those parts of the female anatomy which carry the subcutaneous
fat necessary for childbearing and lactation. This is not news.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
Men's thoughts are much according to their inclination,
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Custom and Education
%%
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
%%
Men stumble on stones, not mountains.
%%
Men take only their needs into consideration--never their abilities.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Mental degeneracy may be caused by lead poisoning. Or by a poor dip in the
gene pool.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
%%
Mental Ground Zero:
 The location where one visualizes oneself during the dropping
of the atomic bomb; frequently, a shopping mall.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to
corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in
favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.
 -- Piers Anthony
%%
Mental tangibility has been achieved...go figure.
%%
Mental things which have not gone in through the
senses are vain and bring forth no truth except detrimental.
 -- Leonardo
%%
Men tend to have the beliefs that suit their passions.

Cruel men believe in a cruel God and use their belief
to excuse their cruelty.  Only kindly men believe in a
kindly God, and they would be kindly in any case.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Men the most infamous are fond of fame,
And those who fear not guilt yet start at shame.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764), The Author, Line 233
%%
Men to be of one mind in an house.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
%%
Men trifle with their business and their politics, but they never trifle
with their games.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Menu-driven - Easy to learn, tedious to use.
%%
:menuitis: /men`yoo-i:'tis/ n. Notional disease suffered by software
   with an obsessively simple-minded menu interface and no escape.
   Hackers find this intensely irritating and much prefer the
   flexibility of command-line or language-style interfaces,
   especially those customizable via macros or a special-purpose
   language in which one can encode useful hacks.  See
   {user-obsequious}, {drool-proof paper}, {WIMP environment},
   {for the rest of us}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Menu: (L)eech files (C)omplain to Sysop (D)rop Carrier
%%
Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
%%
Men use thought only as authority for their injustice, and employ
speech only to conceal their thoughts.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Dialogue xiv, Le Chapon et la Poularde (l763)
%%
MEN ver. 1.0 .... bugs found .... rewrite.... WOMEN ver. 1.1(beta)
%%
Men wear the pants.  Women wear the panties.
%%
Men were born to lie, and women to believe them.
%%
Men who allow their love of power to give them a distorted view of the
world are to be found in every asylum: one man will think he is the
governer of the Bank of England, another will think he is the king, and
yet another will think he is God.  Highly similar delusions, if
expressed by educated men in obscure language, lead to professorships of
philosophy, and if expressed by emotional men in eloquent language, lead
to dictatorships.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Men who aren't pet-lovers aren't any good in bed.
%%
Men who cherish for women the highest respect are
seldom popular with them.
%%
Men who do not make advances to women are apt to become victims to women who
 make advances to them.
%%
Men who have playful kittens shouldn't sleep in the nude.
%%
Men who murder man-bashing talk show hosts.. on the final Oprah.
%%
Men who never get carried away should be.
 -- Malcolm Forbes
%%
Men who prefer any load of infamy, however great, to any pressure
of taxation, however light.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- On American Debts
%%
Men who wear turtlenecks look like turtles.
 -- Doris Lilly
%%
Men will always be men -- no matter where they are.
 -- Harry Mudd, "Mudd's Women," stardate 1329.8.
%%
Men willingly believe what they wish.
 -- Julius Caesar
%%
Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the
entrails of the last priest.
 -- Denis Diderot in "Dithrambe sur la fete de rois"
%%
Men will never establish any equality with which they can be contented.
Whatever efforts a people may make, they will never succeed in reducing
all the conditions of society to a perfect level.
 -- Alexis de Tocqueville
%%
Men will sooner surrender their rights than their customs.
 -- Moritz Guedemann
%%
Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for
it; anything but-live for it.
 -- Colton
%%
Men with gray eyes are generally keen, energetic, and at first cold;
but you may depend upon their sympathy with real sorrow. Search the
ranks of our benevolent men and you will agree with me.
 -- Dr. Leask
%%
Men: You can't live with them, and you can't leave them by the
curb when you're done with them.
%%
Me opinionated? . . . Nah!
%%
MEOW...SPLAT...RUFF...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
%%
Me!... PAK me!... make me compress my bits!.... ARJ!!
%%
ME, paranoid? Why do you ask?!
 -- Victor Kostrikin
%%
ME, pro.  The objectionable case of I.  The personal pronoun in
English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the
oppressive.  Each is all three.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MERCHANT, n.  One engaged in a commercial pursuit.  A commercial
pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Merchants do it to customers.
%%
MERCI RIEN - Thanks for nothin'.
%%
Mercury:  (From L.  Mercurius, the swift messenger of the gods)
   Element No. 80, so named because of the speed of which
   one of its compounds (calomel, Hg2Cl2) goes through
   the human digestive tract.  The element is perhaps
   misnamed, because the gods probably would not be
   pleased by the physiological message so delivered.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Mercury poisoning, the best kept secret in the West...
%%
Mercy!
%%
Mercy and justice, marching cheek by joule.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, First Week, First Day
%%
Mercy and truth are met together: righteousness and peace have kissed
each other.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxxxv, 10
%%
Mercy for the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.
%%
Mercy is a great virtue, but that doesn't mean you
should pay full price for a late pizza.
%%
MERCY, n.  An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Merde.
 -- Picard, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
Mere life is not victory, mere death is not defeat.
%%
Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch Life from the
side lines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year, a
single day's work an achievement for eternity.
 -- Gabriel Heatter
%%
Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group
is on the right course.
%%
Merely having an open mind is nothing.  The object of opening the mind, as
of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.
%%
Mermaid mathematicians wear algaebras.
%%
Mermaids CAN'T do it.
%%
Merrily, merrily shall I live now,
Under the blossom that hangs on the bough.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
%%
Merry Christmas to all from the feline furries
%%
Merry Xmas, Happy Hanukak, Feliz Navidad, etc, etc, etc
%%
MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Me sexist ? Why some of my best friends are bimbos !
%%
MESMERISM, n.  Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage
and asked Incredulity to dinner.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
%%
Message base full. Format C: to continue
%%
Message: carrier organism for taglines.
%%
Message contents may settle during downloading.
%%
Message contents may settle during mailing\:...:/
%%
Message contents may settle during uploading.
%%
Message Flamers have uncontrolled vowel movements...
%%
Message forwarded to 485 locations!
%%
Message from Hooterville,climbed pole with laptop.
%%
Message from on HIGH: Prepare to meet thy doom!
%%
Message from Our Sponsor on ttyTV at 13:58 ...
%%
Message is 'Closed Captioned for the Hearing Impaired'
%%
Message, more than the actual message.  'Tho I wouldn't reccomend
%%
Message..school..hw..message..eat..message..slee
%%
Message to Beer...you've missed a brain cell...repeat..you've missed a
%%
Message too long for screen - Press Enter To Continue.
%%
Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy it, before the FBI sees it.
%%
Message-write macros, Made to Order.
%%
Mess-DOS - Just say No!
%%
:mess-dos: /mes-dos/ n. Derisory term for MS-DOS.  Often followed
   by the ritual banishing "Just say No!"  See {{MS-DOS}}.  Most
   hackers (even many MS-DOS hackers) loathe MS-DOS for its
   single-tasking nature, its limits on application size, its nasty
   primitive interface, and its ties to IBMness (see {fear and
   loathing}).  Also `mess-loss', `messy-dos', `mess-dog',
   `mess-dross', `mush-dos', and various combinations thereof.  In
   Ireland and the U.K. it is even sometimes called `Domestos' after a
   brand of toilet cleanser.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Messenger: Fun!   Messenger: A time saver!   Messenger: User friendly!
%%
Messengers should neither be headed nor hanged.
 -- Proverb
%%
Messenger V1.0, the feel good tagline manager of the year.
%%
Messier: Doesn't have to worry about his hair getting messy, eh!
%%
:meta bit: n. The top bit of an 8-bit character, which is on in
   character values 128--255.  Also called {high bit}, {alt bit},
   or {hobbit}.  Some terminals and consoles (see {space-cadet
   keyboard}) have a META shift key.  Others (including,
   *mirabile dictu*, keyboards on IBM PC-class machines) have an
   ALT key.  See also {bucky bits}.

   Historical note: although in modern usage shaped by a universe of
   8-bit bytes the meta bit is invariably hex 80 (octal 0200), things
   were different on earlier machines with 36-bit words and 9-bit
   bytes.  The MIT and Stanford keyboards (see {space-cadet
   keyboard}) generated hex 100 (octal 400) from their meta keys.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Metal is for wearing. Flesh is for changing.
You wouldn't understand, it's a cyborg thing.
%%
Metallurgists are screw'n'edge.
%%
Metallurgists do it in the street.
%%
:meta: /me't*/ or /may't*/ or (Commonwealth) /mee't*/ [from
   analytic philosophy] adj.,pref. One level of description up.  A
   metasyntactic variable is a variable in notation used to describe
   syntax, and meta-language is language used to describe language.
   This is difficult to explain briefly, but much hacker humor turns
   on deliberate confusion between meta-levels.  See {{Humor,
   Hacker}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Metamorphasis complete sir.  Spaceball one has become... MEGA MAID!
%%
Metamorphic geologists are gneiss people!
%%
Metaphasia:
 An inability to perceive metaphor.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Metaphors are similes.  Similes are like metaphors.
%%
Meta phors be witchu.
%%
Metaphors be with you!
%%
Metaphysically problematic
%%
Metaphysics 5 cents--the philosopher IS.
%%
Metaphysics is a cobweb that the mind weaves around things.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Metaphysics is a dark ocean without shores or lighthouse, strewn
with many a philosophic wreck.
 -- Immanual Kant
%%
Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible by
an appeal to the unintelligible.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Metaphysics is an attempt to establish an alibi for the universe.
%%
Meta-physics is meta-difficult.
%%
Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.
 -- Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
%%
Metaphysics may be, after all, only the art of being sure of something
that is not so, and logic only the art of going wrong with confidence.
 -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
Meteorologists do it unpredictably.
%%
Meteorologists have warm fronts.
%%
METER Maid: tall enough to look the meter in the eye.
%%
Methinks I see in my mind a noble and puissant nation rousing herself
like a strong man after sleep, and shaking her invincible locks; methinks
I see her as an eagle mewing her mighty youth, and kindling her undazzled
eyes at the full midday beam.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Areopagitica
%%
Methinks she doth protest too much...
%%
Method acting.. I'm vaguely aware of it.
 -- Picard
%%
Methodist by birth, Druid by choice.
%%
Methodists do it by numbers.
%%
METHODOLOGICALLY UNSOUND: Using methodology with which I am unfamiliar.
%%
Methought I heard a voice cry, "Sleep no more!
Macbeth does murder sleep!" the innocent sleep,
Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleave of care,
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Methought I saw the grave where Laura lay.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- Verses to Edmund Spenser
%%
    Methusalem might be half an hour in telling what o'clock
it was: but as for us postdiluvians, we ought to do everything
in haste; and in our speeches, as well as actions, remember
that our time is short.
 -- Sir Richard Steele
%%
Methuselah lived to be 969 years old.  You boys and girls will see
more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
MET: Misread and Eat Tape
%%
Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni!
%%
Metronome needs oil.
%%
METROPOLIS, n.  A stronghold of provincialism.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mexican/Italian Food: Pepe Roney
%%
"Mexican Revenge" by Monty Zumah
%%
Mexico's Largest Export- Their Population
%%
Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never
unhappy.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
MFC: Mangle Following Command
%%
MFM? RLL? IDE? SCSI? ESDI?  I'm confused!
%%
MFM/RLL/SCSI/ESDI/IDE.... what's next
%%
MFO: Mount Female Operator
%%
Mhz: Acronym for 'Megahurtz', meaning 'a million pains'.
%%
Miami did not produce much of an impression...
 -- H. P. Lovecraft, 7/19/1931
%%
Mice are handy accessories, but I prefer gerbils
%%
Michaelangelo .... the rogue program, which conforms to the IBM
standard, ...
IBM has a standard for viruses?
 -- Heard on NPR's Morning Edition on Friday, March 6,
 -- concerning the Michaelangelo computer virus
%%
Michael!  Don't chew on that@#~!...    NO CARRIER
%%
[Michael Dukakis is] a card-carrying member of the
 A.C.L.U., a group [which is] pretty far out in
 left field [and does not reflect] Texas values.
 -- George Bush
%%
Michael has been hiding inside Barney this whole time.
%%
Michael Jackson: Official Babysitter of the Tagline echo.
%%
Michael Jackson's silence is deafening.
%%
Michael Jackson to O.J. Simpson: "I'll watch your kids."
%%
Michael Jackson vs Barney in a 13 round winner take all.
%%
Michael Jordan retired.  NOW I want to be like Mike!
%%
Michael Landon has just signed to do a new show for CBS.
"Little Box on the Prairie"
%%
MICHAEL PALIN PLAYED: 1ST SOLDIER WITH A KEEN INTEREST IN BIRDS, DENNIS, MR
                      DUCK (A VILLAGE CARPENTER WHO IS ALMOST KEENER THAN
                      ANYONE ELSE TO BURN WITCHES), THREE-HEADED KNIGHT, SIR
                      GALAHAD, KING OF SWAMP CASTLE, BROTHER MAYNARD'S ROOMATE
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Michelangelo would have made better time with a roller.
%%
Michigan law provides that if any man kiss his wife on a Sunday,
the party at fault shall be punished at the discretion of the court.
%%
Mickey Mantle: "What time is it, Yogi?" Berra: "You mean right now?"
%%
:mickey mouse program: n. North American equivalent of a {noddy}
   (that is, trivial) program.  Doesn't necessarily have the
   belittling connotations of mainstream slang "Oh, that's just
   mickey mouse stuff!"; sometimes trivial programs can be very
   useful.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Mickey Mouse wears a Bill Clinton watch.
%%
Mickey Mouse wears a Bob Morgan watch.
%%
Mickey Mouse wears an Al Gore watch!
%%
Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
%%
Mickey Muad'dib: Apprentice to a Freman sorcerer.
%%
:mickey: n. The resolution unit of mouse movement.  It has been
   suggested that the `disney' will become a benchmark unit for
   animation graphics performance.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Microbiologists do it with culture and sensitivity.
%%
Microbiology Lab:  Staph Only!
%%
Micro Channel Architectures (MCA):
 IBM's new bus that carries information in 32-bit packets. The first
 bus developed solely by lawyers, it is considered copy-proof (the
 theory being that no one would want anything created by lawyers). The
 bus is actually 48 bits wide, but the lawyers take 1/3 of anything
 they work on. A not-so-subtle attemt to limit the market to IBM.
%%
:MicroDroid: [USENET] n. A Microsoft employee, esp. one who posts
   to various operating-system advocacy newsgroups. MicroDroids post
   follow-ups to any messages critical of Microsoft's operating
   systems, and often end up sounding like visiting Mormon
   missionaries.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MICROFICHE n, Plankton.
%%
Microfiche: Sardines.
%%
:microfloppies: n. 3.5-inch floppies, as opposed to 5.25-inch
   {vanilla} or mini-floppies and the now-obsolete 8-inch variety.
   This term may be headed for obsolescence as 5.25-inchers pass out
   of use, only to be revived if anybody floats a sub-3-inch floppy
   standard.  See {stiffy}, {minifloppies}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:microfortnight: n. 1/1000000 of the fundamental unit of time in
   the Furlong/Firkin/Fortnight system of measurement; 1.2096 sec.  (A
   furlong is 1/8th of a mile; a firkin is 1/4th of a barrel; the mass
   unit of the system is taken to be a firkin of water).  The VMS
   operating system has a lot of tuning parameters that you can set
   with the SYSGEN utility, and one of these is TIMEPROMPTWAIT, the
   time the system will wait for an operator to set the correct date
   and time at boot if it realizes that the current value is bogus.
   This time is specified in microfortnights!

   Multiple uses of the millifortnight (about 20 minutes) and
   {nanofortnight} have also been reported.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:microLenat: /mi:`-kroh-len'-*t/ n. The unit of {bogosity},
   written uL; the consensus is that this is the largest unit
   practical for everyday use.  The microLenat, originally invented by
   David Jefferson, was promulgated as an attack against noted
   computer scientist Doug Lenat by a {tenured graduate student} at
   CMU.  Doug had failed the student on an important exam for giving
   only "AI is bogus" as his answer to the questions.  The slur is
   generally considered unmerited, but it has become a running gag
   nevertheless.  Some of Doug's friends argue that *of course* a
   microLenat is bogus, since it is only one millionth of a Lenat.
   Others have suggested that the unit should be redesignated after
   the grad student, as the microReid.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:micro-: pref. 1. Very small; this is the root of its use as a
   quantifier prefix.  2. A quantifier prefix, calling for
   multiplication by 10^(-6) (see {{quantifiers}}).  Neither
   of these uses is peculiar to hackers, but hackers tend to fling
   them both around rather more freely than is countenanced in
   standard English.  It is recorded, for example, that one
   CS professor used to characterize the standard length of his
   lectures as a microcentury --- that is, about 52.6 minutes (see
   also {attoparsec}, {nanoacre}, and especially
   {microfortnight}).  3. Personal or human-scale --- that is,
   capable of being maintained or comprehended or manipulated by one
   human being.  This sense is generalized from `microcomputer',
   and is esp. used in contrast with `macro-' (the corresponding
   Greek prefix meaning `large').  4. Local as opposed to global (or
   {macro-}).  Thus a hacker might say that buying a smaller car to
   reduce pollution only solves a microproblem; the macroproblem of
   getting to work might be better solved by using mass transit,
   moving to within walking distance, or (best of all) telecommuting.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MICROPROCESSOR - Twenty years of architectural
bungling concentrated onto a single chip.
%%
Microsecond:
Amount of time needed for a program to bomb.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
:Microsloth Windows: /mi:'kroh-sloth` win'dohz/ n. Hackerism for
   `Microsoft Windows', a windowing system for the IBM-PC which is
   so limited by bug-for-bug compatibility with {mess-dos} that it
   is agonizingly slow on anything less than a fast 486.  Also just
   called `Windoze', with the implication that you can fall asleepm
   waiting for it to do anything; the latter term is extremely common
   on USENET. Compare {X}, {sun-stools}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Microsoft:
 Contract programming house for IBM, and primary sustainer of the clone
 market. IBM pays MS to write fancy software, then MS tweaks it a
 little, slaps the MS logo on it, and sells it to all the clone folks
 so they can keep competing with IBM. There is no truth to the rumour
 that former Mafioso procure the IBM contracts for MS. All products are
 given generic names (Word, Project, Works, Windows, etc.) to (a)
 confuse everybody unless (b) the name "Microsoft" is constantly
 repeated. Made the founder $300,000,000+ in one day.
%%
MicroSoft finally did SOMETHING right...  DOS 99
%%
Microsoft Free Zone!
%%
Microsoft gives you Windows... OS/2 gives you the whole house.
%%
Microsoft gives you Windows... OS/2 gives you the world.
%%
Microsoft is a bunch of !Cs
%%
Microsoft is suing Apple 'cause they have employees too.
%%
Microsoft: Making it all.  Make sense?
%%
Microsoft: Making it Easier...to switch to OS/2.
%%
Microsoft motto -- "We're the leaders, wait for us!"
%%
Microsoft should stick to word processors, and leave the operating systems to
Digital Research.
%%
Microsoft's not a company. It's on drugs.
 -- high-placed MS official
%%
Microsoft technical support line: 1-900-SUCKERS
%%
Microsoft Virus: UNRECOVERABLE APPLICATION ERROR!
%%
Microsoft Windows... a virus with mouse support.
%%
Microsoft Windows: From the makers of EDLIN!
%%
     Microsoft: "Windows NT 4.0 now has the same user-interface as Windows 95"
    Windows 95: "Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to reboot"
Windows NT 4.0: "Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to login"
%%
Microsoft Windows - proof that P.T. Barnum was correct.
%%
:microtape: /mi:'kroh-tayp/ n. Occasionally used to mean a
   DECtape, as opposed to a {macrotape}.  A DECtape is a small
   reel, about 4 inches in diameter, of magnetic tape about an inch
   wide.  Unlike those for today's {macrotape}s, microtape
   drivers allowed random access to the data, and therefore could be
   used to support file systems and even for swapping (this was
   generally done purely for {hack value}, as they were far too
   slow for practical use).  In their heyday they were used in pretty
   much the same ways one would now use a floppy disk: as a small,
   portable way to save and transport files and programs.  Apparently
   the term `microtape' was actually the official term used within
   DEC for these tapes until someone coined the word `DECtape',
   which, of course, sounded sexier to the {marketroid}s; another
   version of the story holds that someone discovered a conflict with
   another company's `microtape' trademark.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MICRO:
        Thinker toys.
%%
Microwave Hint#3: Make a hole in the turtle's shell first
%%
Microwave oven?   Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven?  I've been
watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks.
%%
Microwaves frizz your heir.
%%
Microwave - signal from a friendly micro
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Microwave:  Wave from a midget...
%%
Midas was into golden showers.
%%
Midden:  a kind of fingerless glove
%%
Middle-Aged Mutant Ninja Animator.
%%
Middle age: halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!
%%
Middle age is a time of life that man first notices in his wife.
 -- Richard Armour
%%
Middle age is rather like your underwear,
it creeps up  on you when you're not watching.
%%
Middle age is that time when a man thinks that within a week or two,
 perhaps even three, he will be as good as ever.
%%
Middle age is when wherever you go you take a jumper.
%%
Middle age is when you burn the midnight oil around 9:00 pm.
%%
Middle age is when you know your way around but don't feel like going!
%%
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you
 meet reminds you of someone else.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
Middle age is when you wish you could have some of the naps you refused to
take as a kid.
%%
Middle age is youth without it's levity. And old age without decay.
 -- Daniel Defoe
%%
Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Mother
%%
Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to
 rush up to the net.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
Middle age: When your age starts to show at your middle.
%%
Middle class was defined by having certain values and only a certain amount
 of money. But this new middle class seems to have absolutely no values and
 an unlimited amount of money.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
MiddleEarth BBS - Home of the Tolkein Ring Network
%%
:middle-endian: adj. Not {big-endian} or {little-endian}.
   Used of perverse byte orders such as 3-4-1-2 or 2-1-4-3,
   occasionally found in the packed-decimal formats of minicomputer
   manufacturers who shall remain nameless.  See {NUXI problem}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MIDDLE
  The section before the end, and after the beginning. The middle can
  be defined as that dull bit when you've just got used to something,
  and you're unaware that its going to end soonish.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Middle wall of partition.
 -- New Testament
 -- Ephesians ii, 14
%%
Midgets simply belittle.
%%
MIDI interface and controller by Yo-Mama-ha
%%
MIDI: Maybe I'll Die Insolvent!
%%
MIDI this, he said, pulling down his....
%%
Midnight brought on the dusky hour
Friendliest to sleep and silence.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 667
%%
Midnight shout and revelry,
Tipsy dance and jollity.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 103
%%
Midnight was a barrier back in 1963...
%%
midori ito
girl finds glory, is broken
they can rebuild her
 -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS
%%
'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there 's no place like home;
A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there,
Which sought through the world is ne'er met with elsewhere.

An exile from home splendour dazzles in vain,
Oh give me my lowly thatched cottage again;
The birds singing gayly, that came at my call,
Give me them, and that peace of mind dearer than all.
 -- J. Howard Payne (1792-1852)
 -- Home, Sweet Home. (From the opera of "Clari, the Maid of Milan")
%%
Midterm advice from the random thought generator:
Don't scream, be educated!
%%
Mid-twenties Breakdown:
 A period of mental collapse occurring in one's twenties, often
caused by inability to function outside of school or structured
environments coupled with a realization of one's essential aloneness
in the world. Often marks induction into the ritual of pharmaceutical
usage.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
%%
Mie Croc Sauf The, Bord Lande, Lotte Us, etc...
%%
Mie spel czecher iz awn the phritz.
%%
Mieux vaut tard que jamais!
[Better late then never.]
%%
Might as well be frank, monsieur.
It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca
and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
%%
Might as well face it,  you're addicted to code...
%%
Might does not make right but it sure makes what is.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Might have gone further and have fared worse.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. iv
%%
Might may not be right, but it usually wins.
%%
Might shake the saintship of an anchorite.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 11
%%
Might want to save this Tagline for someone it might scare.
%%
Mighty in the forward-striding toes.
When one goes and is not equal to the task,
One makes a mistake.
%%
Mighty proud I am that I am able to have a spare bed for my friends.
 -- Samuel Pepys
%%
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for bookstores.
%%
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties
%%
MII: Mask all Interrupts and then Interrupt
%%
"Mi kara deta sabi."
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
Mike Dukakis tried to give several fireside speeches, but the difficulty he
 experienced was with that fresh driftwood, which he tried to ignite in the
 rain, with wet matches. It wasn't your ideal model of success, so to speak.
 The man is to fire what ashes are to a lumber yard.
%%
Mike:   The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?
Bernie:    Nobody ever empties the ashtrays.   People are SO
     inconsiderate.
 -- Gary Trudeau, Doonesbury
%%
Miles, pray for an early or late baby.
%%
Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!
 -- Bart Simpson
%%
MILI: Move It or Lose It
%%
Militancy of feminism is inversely proportional to beauty.
%%
Militant Agnostic--I don't know and you don't either!
%%
 (Militaristic mechanical voice:)
 FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL.  KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW.
 THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
Military action is important to the nation--it is the ground of death and
life, the path of survival and destruction so it is important to examine it.
-Sun Tzu
%%
Military Fast: Colonel O'Corn
%%
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
Military intelligence
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
Military power wins battles, but spiritual power wins wars.
 -- General George Catlett Marshall
%%
Military Rule: Marshall Law
%%
Military secrets are the most fleeting of all.
 -- Spock, "The Enterprise Incident," stardate 5027.4.
%%
"Military Spectacles" by Major Disaster and General Mayhem
%%
Milking a cow is an operation demanding a special talent that
is possessed only by yokels, and no person born in a large city
can never hope to acquire it.
 -- Mencken and Nathan's Sixteenth Law of The Average American
%%
Milkmen deliver twice a week.
%%
Milkmen do it in the morning.
%%
MILLENNIUM, n.  The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be
screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MILLERS ROAD, BROOKLYN: Westgate Freeway to Blackshaw Road, road
reconstruction will restrict traffic to one lane each way until about 31
May. A roadworkers' strike will then delay construction another three
months, followed by an earthquake later in the year that will require
complete reconstruction of the area. An industrial chemical accident early
next year will cause most of the western suburbs to become inhabitable for
the rest of the century, resulting in heavy traffic leading out of the
area. In 2032, worldwide pollution will cause the world to end, meaning
widespread panic, the death of the entire human race, and traffic delays
in most areas.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Milliamp - Mrs. Amp's daughter
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Millihelen, adj: The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
%%
:milliLampson: /mil'*-lamp`sn/ n. A unit of talking speed,
   abbreviated mL.  Most people run about 200 milliLampsons.  The
   eponymous Butler Lampson (a CS theorist and systems implementor
   highly regarded among hackers) goes at 1000.  A few people speak
   faster.  This unit is sometimes used to compare the (sometimes
   widely disparate) rates at which people can generate ideas and
   actually emit them in speech.  For example, noted computer
   architect C. Gordon Bell (designer of the PDP-11) is said, with
   some awe, to think at about 1200 mL but only talk at about 300; he
   is frequently reduced to fragments of sentences as his mouth tries
   to keep up with his speeding brain.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Millionaires pay to have it done.
%%
Millions for defense, but not one cent for tribute.
 -- C. C. Pinckney
%%
Millions have reported testing positive for EIB.
 -- Rush Limbaugh
%%
Millions long for immortality who do not know
what to do with themselves
on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
 -- Susan Ertz
%%
Millions now living will never fry! ...
%%
Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that
politics is almost always the choice of the lesser evil.  "Tweedledum
and Tweedledee," they say, "I will not vote."  Having abstained, they
are presented with a President who appoints the people who are going to
rummage around in their lives for the next four years.  Consider all
the people who sat home in a stew in 1968 rather than vote for Hubert
Humphrey.  They showed Humphrey.  Those people who taught Hubert
Humphrey a lesson will still be enjoying the Nixon Supreme Court when
Tricia and Julie begin to find silver threads among the gold and the
black.
 -- Russell Baker, "Ford without Flummery"
%%
Millions of spiritual creatures walk the earth
Unseen, both when we wake and when we sleep.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 677
%%
Millions of years ago, man climbed out of the slime. You want to join
the party?
%%
Millions saw the apple fall,
but Newton was the one who asked why.
 -- Bernard Baruch
%%
Millisecond:  Delay between a green light and honking horns.
%%
Milo Bloom for Florida's next Governor.
%%
Milton A. Canniff, cartoonist ("Steve Canyon"), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Milton Berle does it in his BVDs.
%%
Milwaukee Journal, about two years ago (on the front page):
MATH TEST RESULTS ADD UP TO A FAILURE - Only 14% of eighth grade students
show average proficiency
Washington DC - AP - Just one in seven eighth grade students nationwide
can exhibit average proficiency in mathematics, according to a federal . . .
%%
Mimes do it without a sound.
%%
MIMES don't do it; everyone hates a mime.
%%
Min be the travaille, and thin be the glorie.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Knightes Tale, Line 2408
%%
Mind full of trivia.  No room left for real knowledge.
%%
Mind has ideas my body can't keep up with!
%%
Mind!  I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there
is particularly dead about a door-nail.  I might have been inclined,
myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in
the trade.  But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my
unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for.  You
will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as
dead as a door-nail.
%%
Mind if I disturb you for a moment, sir?
No...no, not at all. My diary's pretty empty this week...let's see...
  Thursday morning: "Get shot."...yes, that's about it, really.
 -- Perkins and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
Mind if I rape your daughter...
%%
Mind if we call you Bruce just to keep it clear?
%%
Minding your own business will not be tolerated.
%%
Mind is the great lever of all things; human thought is the process
by which human ends are ultimately answered.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Address on laying the Corner-Stone of the Bunker Hill Monument, 1825, p. 71
%%
Mindless ramblings brought to you courtesy of much caffeine.
%%
MIND, n.  A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.  Its
chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature,
the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing
but itself to know itself with.  From the Latin _mens_, a fact unknown
to that honest shoe-seller, who, observing that his learned competitor
over the way had displayed the motto "_Mens conscia recti_,"
emblazoned his own front with the words "Men's, women's and children's
conscia recti."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mind numbed robots on the left. Those of thought on the right.
%%
Minds are conquered not by arms but by greatness of soul.
 -- Spinoza
%%
Minds are like parachutes:
they only function when open.
 -- Thomas R. Dewar
%%
Mind, sir, or I shall take off my belt, and by thunder! my trousers
  will fall down.
 -- Mr Hardwood : Amy and Amiability
%%
Minds like beds - all made up.
%%
Minds of the strongest and most active powers fall below mediocrity
and labor without effect, if confined to uncongenial pursuits. And
it is thence to be inferred, that the results of human exertion may
be immensely increased by diversifying its objects.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some
sheep's testicles for a bet...God, that bloody sheep kicked him...
 -- Monty Python "Ripping Yarns"
%%
Mind your own business.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
%%
MINE, adj.  Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mine be a cot beside the hill;
  A beehive's hum shall soothe my ear;
A willowy brook that turns a mill,
  With many a fall, shall linger near.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- A Wish
%%
Mine be the breezy hill that skirts the down,
Where a green grassy turf is all I crave,
With here and there a violet bestrewn,
Fast by a brook or fountain's murmuring wave;
And many an evening sun shine sweetly on my grave!
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Minstrel, Book ii, Stanza 17
%%
Mine enemy's dog,
Though he had bit me, should have stood that night
Against my fire.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
Mine eyes have seen the coming of the gory of the morgue.
%%
Mine host of the Garter.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Mine... is the last voice you will ever hear.
%%
Mineralogy for Giants: Chris Tall
%%
Miners do it deeper than divers.
%%
Miners do it with a bang.
%%
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Miners sink deeper shafts.
%%
Miniature Giant Russian Dwarf Giant Space Hamster.
%%
Miniaturists do it with as little as possible.
%%
Minicomputer: A computer that can be afforded on the budget of a
 middle-level manager.
%%
:minifloppies: n. 5.25-inch {vanilla} floppy disks, as opposed to
   3.5-inch or {microfloppies} and the now-obsolescent 8-inch
   variety.  At one time, this term was a trademark of Shugart
   Associates for their SA-400 minifloppy drive.  Nobody paid any
   attention.  See {stiffy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
minimalist tagline
%%
Minimize your therbligs until it becomes automatic; this doubles your
effective lifetime -- and thereby gives time to enjoy butterflies and
kittens and rainbows.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Minister, have you finished with  that re-drafted re-draft of the
draft proposal yet?
No Humphrey, do you need it back?
Yes minister, I'm afraid it needs re-drafting!
 -- Yes, Minister - P.Jay and A. Lynn
%%
MINISTER, n.  An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility.
In diplomacy and officer sent into a foreign country as the visible
embodiment of his sovereign's hostility.  His principal qualification
is a degree of plausible inveracity next below that of an ambassador.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ministers do it on Sundays.
%%
Ministers do it vicariously.
%%
Mink is for football games ... please. Out in the fresh air, sit in it, eat
 hot dogs in it, anything. But not evening, not elegance, I beg of you.
 -- Valentina
%%
Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
%%
MINOR, adj.  Less objectionable.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Minor Operation:  Coal digging...
%%
Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap
pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
%%
Minos BBS,  the Saddam Hussein School of Being a Sysop!!
%%
Minoxidil didn't work  $#%#&@ NO HAIRIER
%%
MINSTREL, adj.  Formerly a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with
a color less than skin deep and a humor more than flesh and blood can
bear.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Minty-fresh feet lie in your future.
%%
Minuteman: A fellow who can make it to the refrigerator and back with a
sandwich while the commercial is on television.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
MIPS -- Isn't that a Conehead swear word?
%%
MIPS:  Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
%%
:MIPS: /mips/ [abbreviation] n. 1. A measure of computing speed;
   formally, `Million Instructions Per Second' (that's 10^6
   per second, not 2^(20)!); often rendered by hackers as
   `Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed' or in other
   unflattering ways.  This joke expresses a nearly universal attitude
   about the value of most {benchmark} claims, said attitude being
   one of the great cultural divides between hackers and
   {marketroid}s.  The singular is sometimes `1 MIP' even though
   this is clearly etymologically wrong.  See also {KIPS} and
   {GIPS}.  2. Computers, especially large computers, considered
   abstractly as sources of {computron}s.  "This is just a
   workstation; the heavy MIPS are hidden in the basement."  3. The
   corporate name of a particular RISC-chip company; among other
   things, they designed the processor chips used in DEC's 3100
   workstation series.  4. Acronym for `Meaningless Information per
   Second' (a joke, prob. from sense 1).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
miracle: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or
accomplishment.
 -- Webster's Dictionary
%%
MIRACLE, n.  An act or event out of the order of nature and
unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with
four aces and a king.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Miracle owes its origin to the negation of thought.
%%
Miracles are great, but they are so damned unpredictable.
%%
Miracles are so called because they excite wonder. In unphilosophical
minds, any rare or unexpected thing excites wonder, while in philosophical
minds the familiar excites wonder also.
 -- George Santayana
%%
MIRACLE -- something that never happens in our generation.
%%
Miracle Story #7234
One leg Johnny can run again.
%%
Miracle Worker, Doctor! I'm a dammit, not a Jim!  No, scratch that...
%%
Miraculous secret for the early recovery of patients: Inflation.
%%
Miramanee: "There are no lacings...how is this thing removed?"
 -- "The Paradise Syndrome", Stardate 4842.6.
%%
"Mir" means "peace", as in "the war is over; we've won".
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
Mirrorcide: leading cause of death among finches and parakeets.
%%
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? The press
is hopelessly biased or genuinely fair, depending upon whose views
are being misquoted, misrepresented, or misunderstood.
 -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
Mirror of constant faith, rever'd and mourn'd!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 229
%%
Mirror on the wall, I wish I was the Procomm of ALL
%%
Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.
 -- Jean Cocteau
%%
Mirth Control * Void where prohibited by law (3:770/140)
%%
Mirth is like a flash of lightning, that breaks through a gloom of clouds
and glitters for a moment; cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the
mind, and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
Misanthropology: the study of why people are so stupid
and why most of them should die, SOON!
%%
:misbug: /mis-buhg/ [MIT] n. An unintended property of a program
   that turns out to be useful; something that should have been a
   {bug} but turns out to be a {feature}.  Usage: rare.  Compare
   {green lightning}.  See {miswart}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Miscellaneous:

Hackers are more likely to have cats than dogs (in fact, it is widely
grokked that cats have the hacker nature).  Many drive incredibly
decrepit heaps and forget to wash them; richer ones drive spiffy
Porsches and RX-7s and then forget to have them washed.  Almost all
hackers have terribly bad handwriting, and often fall into the habit of
block-printing everything like junior draftsmen.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Miscellaneous is always the largest category.
 -- Walter Slovotsky, The Warrior Lives by Joel Rosenberg
%%
Miscellaneous methods of Civil Disobedience:
Standing in front of City Hall and chanting the word 'pudding' until
one's demands are met.
Phoning members of the 'establishment' and singing 'Bess, You Is My
Woman Now' into the phone.
Dressing as a policeman and then skipping.
Pretending to be an artichoke but punching people as they pass.
 -- Woody Allen
 -- Without Feathers
%%
Mischief all comes from too much opening of the mouth.
%%
MISCREANT, n.  A person of the highest degree of unworth.
Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present
signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to
the development of our language.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MISDEMEANOR, n.  An infraction of the law having less dignity than a
felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal
society.

    By misdemeanors he essays to climb
    Into the aristocracy of crime.
    O, woe was him! -- with manner chill and grand
    "Captains of industry" refused his hand,
    "Kings of finance" denied him recognition
    And "railway magnates" jeered his low condition.
    He robbed a bank to make himself respected.
    They still rebuffed him, for he was detected.
                                                          S.V. Hanipur
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Miserable comforters are ye all.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xvi, 2
%%
MISERICORDE, n.  A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the
foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
%%
Misery loves company, but she'll rarely foot the bill.
%%
Misery loves company, which is why they so often arrive together.
%%
Misery no longer loves company.  Nowadays it insists on it.
 -- Russell Baker (Baker's Law)
%%
Misery only LIKES company. It prefers loneliness.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
:misfeature: /mis-fee'chr/ or /mis'fee`chr/ n. A feature that
   eventually causes lossage, possibly because it is not adequate for
   a new situation that has evolved.  Since it results from a
   deliberate and properly implemented feature, a misfeature is not a
   bug.  Nor is it a simple unforeseen side effect; the term implies
   that the feature in question was carefully planned, but its
   long-term consequences were not accurately or adequately predicted
   (which is quite different from not having thought ahead at all).  A
   misfeature can be a particularly stubborn problem to resolve,
   because fixing it usually involves a substantial philosophical
   change to the structure of the system involved.

   Many misfeatures (especially in user-interface design) arise
   because the designers/implementors mistake their personal tastes
   for laws of nature.  Often a former feature becomes a misfeature
   because trade-offs were made whose parameters subsequently change
   (possibly only in the judgment of the implementors).  "Well, yeah,
   it is kind of a misfeature that file names are limited to six
   characters, but the original implementors wanted to save directory
   space and we're stuck with it for now."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Misfortune, n.:
   The kind of fortune that never misses.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Misfortunes always enter a door left open for them.
%%
Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot.
%%
Misfortune shows those who are not friends.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp
them by the blade or the handle.
 -- James Russell Lowell
%%
Misinformation Central.
%%
Misinformation is the cruelest computer virus of all.
%%
Misled by fancy's meteor ray,
        By passion driven;
But yet the light that led astray
        Was light from heaven.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Vision
%%
Mislike me not for my complexion,
The shadow'd livery of the burnish'd sun.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
misocainea (miss-o-KEE-nee-ya), n. An abnormal aversion to anything new.
%%
Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of
the learned.  A widely-read man never quotes accurately,
for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.
 -- Hesketh Pearson (1887-1964)
 -- Common Misquotations (1934) introduction
%%
Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
 -- Hesketh Pearson
%%
Misquote!!  10 yard penalty, loss of down!  <Fweeeet!<
%%
:Missed'em-five: n. Pejorative hackerism for AT&T System V UNIX,
   generally used by {BSD} partisans in a bigoted mood.  (The
   synonym `SysVile' is also encountered.)  See {software bloat},
   {Berzerkeley}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Missed it by  |  | <- That much!
%%
Missed it by that much.
 -- Maxwell Smart
%%
Misses! the tale that I relate
  This lesson seems to carry,--
Choose not alone a proper mate,
  But proper time to marry.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Pairing Time Anticipated
%%
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Missile engineers do it in stages.
%%
Missilemen have better thrust.
%%
Missiles of ligneous or petrous consistency have the potential
of fracturing my osseous structure,
but appellations will eternally remain innocuous.
%%
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
%%
Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.
%%
Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.
%%
Missing An IRS Auditor ?? Check My Tires !
%%
Missing COLDBEER.BUD - SysOp not loaded!
%%
Missing from his deck altogether.
%%
Missing period eh? Core dump...
 -- C Error #022
%%
Missing - presumed married.
%%
MISSING: Tagline, 70 characters long, last seen in Nevada.
%%
Missing the return. Misfortune.
Misfortune from within and without.
If armies are set marching in this way,
One will in the end suffer a great defeat,
Disastrous for the ruler of the country.
For ten years
It will not be possible to attack again.
%%
Missing your cat? Check the tread on my car's tires.
%%
Missionaries are infernal nuisances who ought to be kept at home.
 -- H.P. Lovecraft, 9/12/1925
%%
Missionary Position:
  The missionary on top.
%%
Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are
in the market.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Miss not the discourse of the elders.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus viii, 9
%%
MISS, n.  The title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate
that they are in the market.  Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are
the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound
and sense.  Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master.  In
the general abolition of social titles in this our country they
miraculously escaped to plague us.  If we must have them let us be
consistent and give one to the unmarried man.  I venture to suggest
Mush, abbreviated to Mh.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting.
%%
Miss Piggy does it with Kermit.
%%
Misster, do you vant to buy a duck?
%%
Mistakes are at the very base of human thought, embedded there, feeding the
structure like root nodules. If we were not provided with the knack for
being wrong, we could never get anything useful done. We think our way
along by choosing between right and wrong alternatives, and the wrong
choices have to be made as often as the right ones. We get along in life
this way.
 -- Lewis Thomas, The Medusa and the Snail
%%
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
%%
Mistakes at least show someone did something at sometime.
%%
Mistake: Something a Virgin and a Parachutist only make once!
%%
Misteaching: Telling one's grandmother how to suck eggs.
%%
Mister!  Here's your mule!
%%
Mister Worf, show these children the airlock.
 -- Picard
%%
Mist is a white vapor, usually water, seen from time to time in caverns.
It can be found anywhere but is frequently a sign of a deep pit leading
down to water.
%%
Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
 -- The Duke of Paducah (Whitey Ford)
%%
Mistrust Authority. Promote Decentralization.
 -- Steven Levy
%%
Mistrust first impulses; they are always good.
%%
Mistrust first impulses; they are always right.
%%
Mistrust your zeal for doing good to others.
 -- Abbe Huvelin
%%
Misunderstood: Art Tistic
%%
:miswart: /mis-wort/ [from {wart} by analogy with {misbug}] n.
   A {feature} that superficially appears to be a {wart} but has been
   determined to be the {Right Thing}.  For example, in some versions
   of the {EMACS} text editor, the `transpose characters' command
   exchanges the character under the cursor with the one before it on the
   screen, *except* when the cursor is at the end of a line, in
   which case the two characters before the cursor are exchanged.
   While this behavior is perhaps surprising, and certainly
   inconsistent, it has been found through extensive experimentation
   to be what most users want.  This feature is a miswart.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mi taku oyasin.  (We are all related.)
 -- Lakota belief
%%
Mitch:  I had the strangest dream
Chris:  Was it a dream where you were standing atop a pyramid dressed in the
        robes of a sungod with thousands of naked women throwing little tiny
        pickles at you?
Mitch:  No
Chris:  Why am I the only one who has that dream?
 -- From "Real Genius"
%%
Mit der Dummheit kaempfen Goetter selbst vergebens.

[Against stupidity the very gods fight in vain.]
 -- Friedrich Schiller (1759-1805)
 -- The Maid of Orleans, Act iii, Sc. 6
%%
Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans;
it's lovely to be silly at the right moment.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Mix Chivas and Slim Fast! Get drunk and loose weight!
%%
Mixed Doubles:  Renee Richard and Martina Navratolova...
%%
Mixed emotions is when your kid gets an "A" in sex class.
%%
Mixed Emotions: When you see your mother-in-law back over a cliff in your
new Mercedes Benz.
%%
Mixed metaphors are a pain in the ass and ought to
   be thrown out the window.
 -- Writing Rule 27
%%
Mixed Nuts.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Mixing Bowls May Be Licked if the Cat Doesn't Want Them!
%%
Miyazawa to Bush: 'Your dinner is on me!'
%%
mkdir: arg count
%%
mkdir: cannot access
%%
mkdir: cannot link
%%
mkdir: cannot make directory
%%
MLP: Make Lousy Program
%%
MLP: Multiply and Lose Precision
%%
MLR: Move and Lose Record
%%
MLSB    Memory Left Shift and Branch
%%
MMF: Melt Main Frame
%%
MMLG: Make Me Look Good
%%
Mmm.  I forgot about that.
%%
Mmmm, boy, this is fun.  This is good fun...
%%
Mmmmmmmm... Beer!
 -- Homer Simpson
%%
Mmmm, mmmm, good! Well, I think so, anyway.
%%
Mmmmmmmm, Gummy-Beer.
%%
Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!!  A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed
 with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!!...  Oh BOY!!  I'm
 about to swallow a TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG
 soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and SUGAR!!  ..  Let's see..
 Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, BABY LAMBS
 fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded
 animal someone once PETTED!!  ...  YUM!!  That was GOOD!!
 For DESSERT, I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS
 on a stone-ground, WHOLE WHEAT BUN!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
 -- Crash Test Dummies
%%
MMMmmmm... OOOhhhh... AAAhhhh... Baby! This candy is good!
%%
MMM-MM!!  So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
MMMMyy dddaaammmnnn kkkeeeyyys aarreee sssttuucckk
%%
MMP? You voted for MMP? Now you've gone and done it!
%%
M&Ms, the Official Candy of the Dept. of Redundancy.
%%
M.M.Vault cashiers teleport any amount of gold to the next local branch.
%%
MNI: Misread Next Instruction
%%
MNP means Modem Needs Pizza.
%%
Mobile Homes: Winnie Bago
%%
Mobile:  [Mo-BEEL'] -n...  Cultural center of the Universe...
%%
Mobile Non-Smoking Area
%%
Mobile Smoking area
%%
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
%%
Moby Dick is NOT a social disease!
%%
Moby Disk: "Call me E-mail..."
%%
Moche Crye and no Wull.
 -- John Fortescue (c. 1395-1485)
 -- De Laudibus Leg. Angliae, Chap. x
%%
Mock frog?!?!?  We use *no* artificial additives or preservatives!
%%
:mockingbird: n. Software that intercepts communications
   (especially login transactions) between users and hosts and
   provides system-like responses to the users while saving their
   responses (especially account IDs and passwords).  A special case
   of {Trojan Horse}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mocking the air with colours idly spread.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
:mode bit: n. A {flag}, usually in hardware, that selects between
   two (usually quite different) modes of operation.  The connotations
   are different from {flag} bit in that mode bits are mainly
   written during a boot or set-up phase, are seldom explicitly read,
   and seldom change over the lifetime of an ordinary program.  The
   classic example was the EBCDIC-vs.-ASCII bit (#12) of the Program
   Status Word of the IBM 360.  Another was the bit on a PDP-12 that
   controlled whether it ran the PDP-8 or the LINC instruction set.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Modeling paged and segmented memories is tricky business.
 -- P. J. Denning
%%
Modelism: belief in the deity of Cindy Crawford.
%%
Models do it beautifully.
%%
Models do it in any position.
%%
Models do it with all kinds of fancy dresses on.
%%
modem -- A contraction; as in "Give me some mo'dem cookies."
%%
Modem Addiction Help Line: Data only.
%%
Modem addicts - call 1-900-BBS-USER (voice) for help.
%%
Modem addictus has got us!
%%
Modem: A device that triples your phone bill.
%%
Modem:  A peripheral used in the unsuccessful attempt to get two computers to
 communicate with each other.
%%
MODEM: A proven deterrent to phone solicitors.
%%
Modem: Deterrent to receiving wanted and unwanted calls.
%%
Modem - How a southerner asks for seconds
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Modeming forever .... Housework whenever.
%%
Modeming is an exercise of bits, bytes and bauds.
%%
Modeming or new baby -- either way, dear, not tonight!
%%
Modem, Larrydem, Curlydem.
%%
Modem manufacturers do it with all sorts of characters.
%%
MODEM: Modus Operandi Device for Evil Minds
%%
MODEM: n, Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine.
%%
Modem not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)oto bed?
%%
mod emo dem ode mod emo dem ode mod emo dem ode mod emo dem ode
%%
Modemo, ergo dingbat.
%%
Modem owners do it online!
%%
Modem, said the gardener when he'd finished the lawn.
%%
Modems are an Illuminati conspiracy to keep us all poor.
%%
Modems are G-R-R-R-R-REAT!!!
%%
Modems are proof that people enjoy torturing themsevles
%%
Modems are too slow, and life is too short. [-dd-]
%%
Modem sex begins with a handshake.
%%
Modem sex, the next best thing to being there.
%%
Modems...MOdulator DEModulator...MOney owDEd to Ma bell!
%%
Modems..Reach out and byte someone.
%%
Modemus Operandi, torture the data till it confesses.
%%
MODEM = USRobotics 21.6K HST / DUAL W/FAX !
%%
Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns.
%%
Modem: what to do to tall weeds.
%%
Moderately parallel architecture is like pulling a wagon with five
oxen. Massively parallel architecture is giving the job to ten
thousand chickens.
 -- Robert J. Stevenson, Marketing V.P. at E & S
%%
Moderate not lest thou be moderated thineself.
%%
Moderate riches will carry you..
if you have more, you must carry them.
%%
Moderating in Moderation
%%
Moderating: The ultimate twit filter.
%%
Moderation in all things, and moderation is the first to go.
%%
Moderation in all things.
 -- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
%%
Moderation in all things should be practiced sparingly.
%%
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
Moderation is for monks.
%%
Moderation is good, but boring.
%%
Moderation is the silken string running through the pearl chain of all virtues.
 -- Bishop Hall (1574-1656)
 -- Christian Moderation, Introduction
%%
Moderation never hurt anything and helped quite a few things.
%%
Moderation on this conference subcontracted to Cthulhu Inc.
%%
Moderator: Burned out shell of a computer hobbyist.
%%
Moderator is just the network AKA for Cthulhu.
%%
Moderator: Knows all, sees all, trips over his/her own two feet.
%%
Moderator not found.  Enter forbidden topics?  [y] [n]
%%
Moderator (n): see also god, dictator, egotist, host, oppressor, censor...
%%
Moderators are not God. God has mercy.
%%
Moderators posting rules is never off-topic. BTW, your "witty reply" was
%%
Modern art is what you bought to cover a hole in the wall
and then decided that the hole looked better.
%%
Modern biology has been built upon two great ideas.  The first, a product of
the nineteenth century, is that all life descended from elementary, single-
celled organisms by means of natural selection.  The second, perfected in
the twentieth century, is that organisms are entirely obedient to the laws
of physics and chemistry.  No extraneous "vital force" runs the living cell.
 -- Edward O. Wilson, "Biophilia"
%%
Modern Coke Machines are microprocessor-controlled, and many even
have modems with which they call the distributor when their coin
boxes fill or they run out of supplies or they're broken into. These
modems are vulnerable to attack by a class of computer hackers known
in the industry as ``Soda Crackers.''
%%
Modern diplomats approach every problem with an open mouth.
 -- Arthur J. Goldberg
%%
Modern man has lost the option of silence.
%%
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
%%
Modern music hasn't been around too long. And hopefully won't be.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
Modern psychology takes completely for granted that behavior and neural
function are perfectly correlated, that one is completely caused by the
other.        There is no separate soul or lifeforce to stick a finger into
the brain now and then and make neural cells do what they would not
otherwise.  Actually, of course, this is a working assumption only....
It is quite conceivable that someday the assumption will have to be
rejected.  But it is important also to see that we have not reached
that day yet: the working assumption is a necessary one and there is no
real evidence opposed to it.  Our failure to solve a problem so far
does not make it insoluble.  One cannot logically be a determinist in
physics and biology, and a mystic in psychology.
 -- D. O. Hebb, Organization of Behavior: A Neuropsychological Theory, 1949
%%
Modern science has imposed on humanity the necessity for wandering.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Modern society: The lowest common denominator.
%%
"Modern Tree Watches" by Anna Log
%%
Modern Way: If It's Good, Scrap It.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Modern women understand everything except their husbands.
%%
Modest doubt is call'd
The beacon of the wise, the tent that searches
To the bottom of the worst.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Modestus said of Regulus that he was "the biggest rascal that walks
upon two legs."
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book i, Letter v, 14
%%
Modesty Becomes You. Try It More Often.
%%
Modesty:  Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
%%
Modesty creates success.
The superior man carries things through.
%%
Modesty died when clothes were born.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Modesty is of no use to a beggar.
 -- Homer
%%
Modesty is that art which allows that you draw attention to whatever it is
 that you are being humble about at the present time.
%%
Modesty is the only sure bait when you angle for praise.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Modesty is to merit as shades to figures in a picture; giving it
strength and beauty.
 -- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
Modesty that comes to expression.
It is favorable to set armies marching
To chastise one's own city and one's country.
%%
Modesty that comes to expression.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
%%
Modesty: The gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be
 aware of it.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
*Modified Rapture*
%%
Modula II - A high-school teacher and Pascal's daughter.  Very much like her
mother, but she has learned to cook with more than one pot.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
%%
:modulo: /mod'yu-loh/ prep. Except for.  An overgeneralization of
   mathematical terminology; one can consider saying that
   4 equals 22 except for the 9s (4 = 22 mod 9).  "Well,
   LISP seems to work okay now, modulo that {GC} bug."  "I feel
   fine today modulo a slight headache."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:mod: vt.,n. 1. Short for `modify' or `modification'.  Very
   commonly used --- in fact the full terms are considered markers
   that one is being formal.  The plural `mods' is used esp. with
   reference to bug fixes or minor design changes in hardware or
   software, most esp. with respect to {patch} sets or a {diff}.
   2. Short for {modulo} but used *only* for its techspeak sense.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Moebius stripper never show you their backsides.
%%
MOG: Make Operator Growl
%%
mohair: hair of a mo. see scree.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Mohammad Ali was on the plane and it was about to take off. The stewardess
 came by and said "Please fasten your seatbelt!" MA answered "Superman don't
 need no seatbelt," to which the stewardess replied, "Superman don't need no
 plane, either!" I think he lost this one...
%%
Mohandas K. Gandhi often changed his mind publicly.  An aide once
asked him how he could so freely contradict this week what he had
said just last week.  The great man replied that it was because this
week he knew better.
 -- Mohandas K. Gandhi
%%
Mold has spores.  People have pores.  It is one way to tell us apart.
%%
Molecular biologists do it with hot probes.
%%
MOLECULE, n.  The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter.  It is
distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit
of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate,
indivisible unit of matter.  Three great scientific theories of the
structure of the universe are the molecular, the corpuscular and the
atomic.  A fourth affirms, with Haeckel, the condensation of
precipitation of matter from ether -- whose existence is proved by the
condensation of precipitation.  The present trend of scientific
thought is toward the theory of ions.  The ion differs from the
molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.  A fifth
theory is held by idiots, but it is doubtful if they know any more
about the matter than the others.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
mole foam: frothy exudation that appears on the lip of a furious mole.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
:molly-guard: /mol'ee-gard/ [University of Illinois] n. A shield
   to prevent tripping of some {Big Red Switch} by clumsy or
   ignorant hands.  Originally used of the plexiglass covers
   improvised for the BRS on an IBM 4341 after a programmer's toddler
   daughter (named Molly) frobbed it twice in one day.  Later
   generalized to covers over stop/reset switches on disk drives and
   networking equipment.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mom, can he sleep over if he keeps his cod-piece on?
%%
MOM, CAN I SET FIRE TO MY BED MATTRESS? No, Calvin.
CAN I RIDE MY TRICYCLE ON THE ROOF?        No, Calvin.
Then can I have a cookie?       No, Calvin.
(She's on to me.)
%%
Momentum:  What you give a person when they are going away.
%%
Mometer:  Back of mom's hand that determines if a child has a fever.
%%
Mommy, can I be a boy genius when I grow up?
%%
"Mommy, do all fairy tales beginning with `Once upon a time'?"

"No, dear.  Nowadays, lots of them start with `If I am elected...'."
 -- Seen in an article in the Wall Street Journal
%%
Mommy, I don't like my little sister! Shaddup and eat your dinner.
%%
Mommy, if Janet Reno can start fires, why can't I?
%%
Mommy, mommy! The garbage man is here!
 Well, tell him we don't want any!
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
Mommy Mommy, there's a strange man in my head!
%%
Mommy's all right, Daddy's all right, they just seem a little weird
%%
Mommy's baby, daddy's maybe !
%%
Mommy's very busy, call Dad.
 -- Chelsea Clinton
%%
Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!
%%
Mommy, why does that moon have a crack?
%%
Mommy, why is Daddy so pale? Shaddap and dig!
%%
Mommy, why is the goalie so pale? "Shut up and shoot the puck!"
%%
Mom never spanked: she would beat the hell out of...
%%
Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose.
%%
MONAD, n.  The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter.  (See
_Molecule_.)  According to Leibnitz, as nearly as he seems willing to
be understood, the monad has body without bulk, and mind without
manifestation -- Leibnitz knows him by the innate power of
considering.  He has founded upon him a theory of the universe, which
the creature bears without resentment, for the monad is a gentlmean.
Small as he is, the monad contains all the powers and possibilities
needful to his evolution into a German philosopher of the first class
 -- altogether a very capable little fellow.  He is not to be
confounded with the microbe, or bacillus; by its inability to discern
him, a good microscope shows him to be of an entirely distinct
species.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MONAGE A TROIS - I am three years old.
%%
MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n.  Government.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions are all based upon that large defect
in your race -- the individual's distrust of his neighbor, and his desire, for
safety's or comfort's sake, to stand well in his neighbor's eye.  These
institutions will always remain, and always flourish, and always oppress you,
affront you, and degrade you, because you will always be and remain slaves of
minorities.  There was never a country where the majority of people were in
their secret hearts loyal to any of these institutions.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "The Mysterious Stranger"
%%
MONARCH, n.  A person engaged in reigning.  Formerly the monarch
ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects
have had occasion to learn.  In Russia and the Orient the monarch has
still a considerable influence in public affairs and in the
disposition of the human head, but in western Europe political
administration is mostly entrusted to his ministers, he being
somewhat preoccupied with reflections relating to the status of his
own head.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MONASH UNIVERSITY COMPUTER CENTRE - MODEM DIAL-UP SERVICES

Users of the Greater Monash University can now access the computer systems
via  modems  24 hours except when they are out of order. All four campuses
are equipped with dial-in lines which under normal circumstances should be
either engaged or not operational.
    Your modem and  communications software should be set up to operate in
8-bit mode with no  parity and 1 stop bit. Except when it shouldn't. Which
may or may not be the case when and if you are using the dial-ins.
    Modems  at  Clayton Campus can  utilise  the  MNP-4  error  correcting
protocol. But don't.  'Cos to be honest, we haven't worked out how to turn
the bloody things on yet. If anyone has any ideas, please tell. Well, they
were a job lot going cheap without manuals, you know how it is...
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Monastery: A home for unmarried Fathers.
%%
Monday I have Friday on my mind....
%%
Monday:
In Christian countries, the day after the
football game.
 -- paraphrased from Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 
 -- he used baseball instead
%%
Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
%%
Monday is soon coming to a calendar near you!
%%
Monday is the root of all evil!
%%
Monday morning brought to you by the letters OH and NO....
%%
Monday morning is when we look back wistfully on the good old days.....
Saturday and Sunday.
%%
Monday morning
Rain-drenched parks
with bone-bare trees
greet my failing feet.
The pale daylight is
no bombard for my wall-like shades,
nor the wind
my Monday morning.
%%
Mondays are the lint balls in the washing machine of life.
%%
Mondays are the potholes in the road of life.
 -- TOM WILSON
%%
Money alone sets all the world in motion.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 656
%%
Money: A mint makes it first and we try to make it last.
%%
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known of any two
 things we have.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Money and women. They're two of the strongest things in the world. The
 things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else. Same with
 money.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
Money brings about a new class of relative, formerly the unknown, now the
 familiar.
%%
Money burns a hole in my pocket...how about yours?
%%
Money by right means if you can; if not, by any means.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Money cannot buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while
you're being miserable.
%%
Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
%%
Money can't buy everything, of course, and as a matter of fact, it can't
 even buy what it used to buy.
%%
Money can't buy everything.  That's what credit cards are for.
%%
Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
 -- Spike Milligan
%%
Money can't buy happiness.
%%
Money can't buy happiness, but happiness can't buy government-insured CDs.
%%
Money can't buy happiness, but it can certainly rent it for
 a couple of hours.
%%
Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves.
%%
Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
%%
Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's more
 comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Lada.
%%
Money can't buy happiness.  It buys things that make you happy.
%%
Money can't buy happiness, so I guess I'll have to rent it.
 -- "Weird" Al Yankovic 
%%
Money can't buy love--but it certainly puts you in a wonderful bargaining
 position.
 -- Harrison Baker
%%
Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a Cadillac so you
can drive around and look for it.
%%
Money changes everything.
%%
Money confers the power to command the labor of others. Love of money is love
of power. And love of power is the root of evil.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Money costs too much: Lew Archer
%%
Money does not protect me from grief,
but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than in a bus.
%%
Money doesn't care who owns it.
%%
Money doesn't come easy.  That's the way it goes!
%%
Money doesn't talk, it swears.
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
Money DOES talk -- it says goodbye!
%%
Money is a gift everyone in the family can appreciate. The only problem is
you can't charge it.
%%
Money is a good servant, but a dangerous master.
 -- Bonhours
%%
Money is a great means of keeping score.
%%
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac.  But flowers work almost as well.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Money is a stupid measurement of achievement but
unfortunately it is the only universal measurement we have.
 -- Charles P. Steinmetz
%%
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Money is it's own reward.
%%
Money is like a promise, easier made then kept.
%%
Money is like a sixth sense -- and you can't make use of the other five
without it.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
Money is like manure. If you spread it around it does a lot of good, but if
 you pile it up in one place it stinks like hell.
 -- Clint Murchison
%%
Money is like muck, not good unless it be spread.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Money is not the measure of a man, but it will do quite nicely if
you don't have any other yardstick handy.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
Money isn't everything...according to those who have it.
%%
Money isn't everything as long as you have enough.
 -- Malcolm Forbes
%%
Money isn't everything - but it's a long way ahead of what comes next.
 -- Sir Edmond Stockdale
%%
Money isn't everything, but it sure does keep the children in touch.
%%
Money isn't everything. - It isn't even enough!
%%
Money is round and rolls away.
%%
Money is the root of all bills.
%%
Money is the root of all evil.
%%
Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs roots!
%%
Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot
 get on without it any more than we can without potatoes.
 -- Louisa May Alcott
%%
Money is the root of all money.
 -- the moving finger
%%
Money is the root of all wealth.
%%
Money is the sincerest of all flattery.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Money is the sinews of both love and war.
%%
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
 -- The Notebooks of Lazarus Long
%%
Money is welcome, even if it comes in a dirty sack.
%%
Money is whatever people believe is money and will voluntarily accept as money.
%%
Money is what you could so easily do without if others weren't so crazy to
 get it.
%%
Money is wrong. It's the means whereby man enslaves his brother.
 -- Finny
%%
Moneyliness is next to Godliness.
 -- Andries van Dam
%%
Money Management: Owen Cash
%%
Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
%%
Money may buy love but money cannot buy friendship.
%%
MONEY, n.  A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we
part with it.  An evidence of culture and a passport to polite
society.  Supportable property.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Money never made a fool of anybody; it only shows 'em up.
%%
Money never starts an idea; it is the idea that starts the money.
 -- W.J. Cameron
%%
Money no longer talks - it goes without saying.
%%
Money Not Found: Abort, Retry, break out Quicken?
%%
Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Money often costs too much.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Money really isn't everything. If it was, what would we buy with it?
 -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")
%%
Money still talks, but it has to catch its breath more often.
%%
Money? Sysops don't make any!
%%
Money Talks - and it usually says NO!!
%%
Money talks, but it is not obliged to tell the truth.
%%
Money talks. Usually it says, "Bend over."
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Money: The only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a
 citizen "Hey You!"
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
Money, therefore, if it is to be anything, must be at least an efficient
and trustworthy instrument by which working people accumulate savings.
 -- Lewis E. Lehrnman
%%
Money to invest? Take it to the local branch of the Magic Memory Vault!
%%
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
 -- Josh Billings
    (pseudonym of Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818-1885))
%%
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
%%
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
%%
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salary of a large research
 staff to study the problem.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some.
%%
:Mongolian Hordes technique: [poss. from the Sixties counterculture
   expression `Mongolian clusterfuck' for a public orgy]
   n. Development by {gang bang}.  Implies that large numbers of
   inexperienced programmers are being put on a job better performed
   by a few skilled ones.  Also called `Chinese Army technique'; see
   also {Brooks's Law}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
 -- Alex Karras in "Blazing Saddles"
%%
Monitor: Often thought to be a word associated with computers, this
word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who always want to see
your hall pass at school.
%%
Monkey curiosity was not powerful in most sentient species.
 -- "Ringworld"
%%
MONKEY, n.  An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in
genealogical trees.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Monkey Shines: Bob Boone
%%
:monkey up: vt. To hack together hardware for a particular task,
   especially a one-shot job.  Connotes an extremely {crufty} and
   consciously temporary solution.  Compare {hack up}, {kluge up},
   {cruft together}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Monks do it by hand.
%%
Monks in their cowls shall be forced into marriage
and their lamentation will be heard on the mountain-peaks.
 -- The Prophecies of Merlin, Geoffrey of Monmouth
%%
Monk:           Where can I enter Zen?
Master Gensha:  Can you hear the babbling brook?
Monk:           Yes, I can hear it.
Master Gensha:  Then enter it there.
%%
Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
%%
Monologue: A conversation between realtor and prospect.
%%
Monomer:  One mer.  (Compare POLYMER).
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
MONOPOLY is a trademark of Microsoft Corporation
%%
Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition.
%%
Monopoly players do it for hours.
%%
Monorail One, you are cleared for hotel dispatch.
%%
MONOSYLLABIC, adj.  Composed of words of one syllable, for literary
babes who never tire of testifying their delight in the vapid compound
by appropriate googoogling.  The words are commonly Saxon -- that is
to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable
of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.

    The man who writes in Saxon
    Is the man to use an ax on
                                                              Judibras
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Monotheism is a gift from the gods!
%%
MONOTONY:
Marriage to one woman at a time.
%%
MONSIGNOR, n.  A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of
our religion overlooked the advantages.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Monsters come from nowhere to hit you everywhere.
%%
Monsters come in many forms.
%%
Monsters come in many forms.  And do you know the greatest monster
  of them all?  Guilt.
 -- McCoy, "Obsession," stardate 3620.7.
%%
Monsters sleep because you are boring, not because they ever get tired.
%%
:monstrosity: 1. n. A ridiculously {elephantine} program or
   system, esp. one that is buggy or only marginally functional.
   2. The quality of being monstrous (see `Overgeneralization' in the
   discussion of jargonification).  See also {baroque}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Montana law provides that if you catch a fur-bearing animal
and tattoo your name on it, the animal thereafter belongs to you.
%%
MONTANA:
Where men are men and women are sheep.
%%
MONTANI SEMPER LIBERI
%%
Mont Blanc is the monarch of mountains;
  They crowned him long ago
On a throne of rocks, in a robe of clouds,
  With a diadem of snow.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Manfred, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Monterey Bay to Simi Valley - Too Cool
%%
:monty: /mon'tee/ [US Geological Survey] n.  A program with a
   ludicrously complex user interface written to perform extremely
   trivial tasks.  An example would be a menu-driven, button clicking,
   pulldown, pop-up windows program for listing directories.  The
   original monty was an infamous weather-reporting program, Monty the
   Amazing Weather Man, written at the USGS.  Monty had a
   widget-packed X-window interface with over 200 buttons; and all
   monty actually *did* was {FTP} files off the network.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Monty Pythagoras: The Ministry of Silly Geometry.
%%
Monty Pythonborg's Flying Collective.  You KNOW resistance is futile.
%%
MONUMENT, n.  A structure intended to commemorate something which
either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

    The bones of Agammemnon are a show,
    And ruined is his royal monument,
but Agammemnon's fame suffers no diminution in consequence.  The
monument custom has its _reductiones ad absurdum_ in monuments "to the
unknown dead" -- that is to say, monuments to perpetuate the memory of
those who have left no memory.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Moody bitch seeks understanding gentleman for love/hate
relationship
%%
:Moof: /moof/ [MAC users] 1. n. A semi-legendary creature, also
   called the `dogcow', that lurks in the depths of the Macintosh
   Technical Notes Hypercard stack V3.1; specifically, the full story
   of the dogcow is told in technical note #31 (the particular Moof
   illustrated is properly named `Clarus').  Option-shift-click will
   cause it to emit a characteristic `Moof!' or `!fooM' sound.
   *Getting* to tech note 31 is the hard part; to discover how to
   do that, one must needs examine the stack script with a hackerly
   eye.  Clue: {rot13} is involved.  A dogcow also appears if you
   choose `Page Setup...' with a LaserWriter selected and click on
   the `Options' button.  2. adj. Used to flag software that's a hack,
   something untested and on the edge.  On one Apple CD-ROM, certain
   folders such as "Tools & Apps (Moof!)" and "Development
   Platforms (Moof!)", are so marked to indicate that they contain
   software not fully tested or sanctioned by the powers that be.
   When you open these folders you cross the boundary into
   hackerland.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Moo Goo Guy in a Pan.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Moonies do it within sects.
%%
Moonlighter: A man who holds day and night jobs so he can drive from one
to the other in a better car.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Moon, n.:
1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to
hackers.  See PHASE OF THE MOON.  2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
%%
Moonshine ... on my shoulders ... makes me slip'ry ...
Moonshine ... in my eyes ... would make me cry ...
Moonshine ... mixed with water ... still tastes lovely ...
Moonshine ... almost always ... makes me high ...

If I had a brew that I could brew for you ...
I'd brew a brew ... sure to make you smile ...
If I had a still so I could distill for you ...
I'd make sure we had moonshine all the while ...
%%
M-O-O-N,  that spells Dean Cran, laws yes.
 -- Tom Cullen.
%%
Moophobia:
 Fear of being attacked by a rabid cow.
%%
:Moore's Law: /morz law/ prov. The observation that the logic
   density of silicon integrated circuits has closely followed the
   curve (bits per square inch)  = 2^((t - 1962)) where t
   is time in years; that is, the amount of information storable on
   a given amount of silicon has roughly doubled every year since the
   technology was invented.  See also {Parkinson's Law of
   Data}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Moose - A Scotish digitizer.
%%
Moosehead. A great beer...and a new experience for the moose!
%%
MOOSE JAW: The only city named after a Prime Minister !
%%
Moose trained by Bob.
%%
Moose trained by Ross Perot.
%%
MOP AND GLOW:  Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
%%
MoPar forever: Pikinu drives a HEMI!
%%
Mopar: Making A Zillion Dollars Annually
%%
Mopar: Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars
%%
Mopar           Mostly Old Paint And Rust
%%
Mopar           Mostly Old Parts And Rust
%%
Mopar           Most Often Passed At Races
%%
MOPAR: Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly!
%%
Mopar: Move Over Power Approaching Rapidly
%%
Mopar: Mutilates Other Products At Races
%%
Mophobia, n.: Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
%%
Moping melancholy
And moon-struck madness.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 485
%%
MOP: Modify Operator's Personality
%%
moraine: forecast for an extended period of wet weather.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
MORAL, adj.  Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right.
Having the quality of general expediency.

        It is sayd there be a raunge of mountaynes in the Easte, on
one syde of the which certayn conducts are immorall, yet on the other
syde they are holden in good esteeme; wherebye the mountayneer is much
conveenyenced, for it is given to him to goe downe eyther way and act
as it shall suite his moode, withouten offence.
                                                 _Gooke's Meditations_
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Moral failure. Core dumped.
 -- Dave Mark Voorhis
%%
Moral good is a practical stimulus; it is no sooner seen than it inspires
an impulse to practise.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Pericles
%%
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
 -- Herbert George Wells (1866-1946)
%%
Morality and practicality should be congruent. If they're not, then there's
something wrong with either one or the other.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Morality cannot be defined by individual choice.
%%
Morality in sexual relations, when it is free from superstition, consists
 essentially of respect for the other person, and unwillingness to use the
 person solely as means of personal gratification, without regard to his or
 her desires.
%%
Morality is a private and costly luxury.
%%
Morality is learned, not legislated.
%%
Morality is not properly the doctorine how we may make ourselves happy,
but how we may make ourselves worthy of happiness.
 -- Kant
%%
Morality is one thing.   Ratings are everything.
 -- A Network 23 executive on Max Headroom
%%
Morality is only moral when it is voluntary.
%%
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt to people we personally dislike.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Moral Majority
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Moral of Vietnam/Somalia: Leave military decisions to the military.
%%
Moral principles can never be compromised; they can only be abandoned.
%%
Moral relativism is wrong. But that's only my opinion.
 -- George Jones
%%
Morals are private. Decency is public.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Starting from Scratch: A Different Kind of Writer's Manual
%%
Morals for sale. Hardly used. Call (202) 456-1111.  Ask for Bill.
%%
Morals for sale, never used. Contact Bill Clinton.
%%
Morals today are corrupted by our worship of riches.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Moral victories don't count.
%%
Morbid -- A higher offer
 Nitrate -- Lower than the day rate
 Node -- Was aware of
 Organic -- Musical
 Outpatient -- A person who has fainted
 Post-operative -- A letter carrier
 Protein -- In favor of young people
 Secretion -- Hiding anything
 Serology -- Study of English knighthood
 Tablet -- A small table
 Tumor -- An extra pair
 Urine -- Opposite of you're out
 Varicose veins -- veins that are close together
%%
Morbid:  Higher offer...
%%
Morbius. There is something coming this way!"
%%
Mordre wol out, that see we day by day.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Nonnes Preestes Tale, Line 15058
%%
MORE, adj.  The comparative degree of too much.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
More black than ash-buds in the front of March.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Gardener's Daughter
%%
More Bobbitt Taglines are ALWAYS Welcome!
%%
More computing sins are committed in the name of efficiency (without
necessarily achieving it) than any other single reason - including
blind stupidity.
 -- Bill Wulf
%%
More for you Politically Correct types:
    Homeless? No more.  Now it's "Residentially Handicapped."
%%
More frayd then hurt.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
More fun than a busy signal."
%%
More fun than a dead fish.
%%
More fun than a ferret in your pants!
%%
More fun than a Ginsu Dildo.
%%
More fun than a tube of crazy glue and an imagination.
%%
More fun than humans deserve to have!
%%
More fun than sex.  Well, less messy at least.
%%
More government is like a recreational root canal.
%%
"More hay, Trigger?"  "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
%%
More hit points than you can possibly imagine.
%%
More input!  More input!
%%
More in the mind than the body this feeling.
%%
More is thy due than more than all can pay.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
More knave than fool.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. iv
%%
More light! Give me more light!
 -- Last word of Goethe
%%
More like vicious animal things.
 -- Worf
%%
More like Woody Woodpecker with a perm!
%%
More matter for a May morning.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
More matter, with less art.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
More nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
%%
More of a tennis player than a cricketer.
 Doctor, Caves of Androzani
%%
Moreover, freedom of the press includes "the right of the lonely
pamphleteer who uses carbon paper or a mimeograph as much as of the
large metropolitan publisher who utilizes the latest photocomposition
methods."  Branzburg v. Hayes, 408 U.S. 665, 704 (1972).
 -- Supreme Court decision quoted by Mike Godwin
 -- in comp.org.eff.talk
%%
Moreover, you have no money.
%%
More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.
 -- R. S. Surtees
%%
MORE PEOPLE DIED AT CHAPPAQUIDIK THAN AT 3-MILE ISLAND.
%%
More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy
denying they made them.
%%
More persons on the whole are humbugged
by believing nothing than by believing too much.
 -- Phineas T. Barnum
%%
More poms in Perth, Aus. than sassernachs in Perth, Scot.
%%
More powerful than a locomotive!
%%
MORE POWER PLEASE!!!
%%
More probable states are more likely to be observed
than less probable states, unless specific constraints exist
to keep them from occurring.
 -- The Generalized Thermodynamic Law (Systems Theory)
%%
More proof that dreams aint worth too much derives from the latest
 revelations in the newly discovered Jesse James diary, written as a boy.

 Although he clearly dreamed that he would grow up to wear a mask and rob
 people when he grew up, he never did become a surgeon.

 So much for dreams!
%%
More ramblings from the mind of Bob !
%%
More rock - less talk.
%%
More sad thoughts crowd into my mind
When evening comes; for then,
Appears your phantom shape-
Speaking as I have known you speak.
%%
More safe I sing with mortal voice, unchang'd
To hoarse or mute, though fall'n on evil days,
On evil days though fall'n, and evil tongues.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vii, Line 24
%%
More software projects have gone awry for lack of calendar time than for all
 other causes combined.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%
                MORE SPORTS RESULTS:
The Beverly Hills Freudians tied the Chicago Rogerians 0-0 last
Saturday night.  The match started with a long period of silence while
the Freudians waited for the Rogerians to free associate and the
Rogerians waited for the Freudians to say something they could
paraphrase.  The stalemate was broken when the Freudians' best player
took the offensive and interpreted the Rogerians' silence as reflecting
their anal-retentive personalities.  At this the Rogerians' star player
said I hear you saying you think we're full of ka-ka.    This started a
fight and the match was called by officials.
%%
More Technobabble:

 ... Consequently, in parallel to Fab, Assembly has its
own ZID, ZOD, and ZUD programs. Outgoing ZOD for Fab,
and VQUIP for Materials, becomes ZID for Assembly, and
ZOD for Assembly becomes ZID for Test. Some Zod results...
 -- Intel Quality Handbook
%%
More than 3 fonts on that newsletter and you die!
%%
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads.   One
path leads to despair and utter helplessness.  The other, to total
extinction.  Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly...
 -- Woody Allen, My Speech to the Graduates
%%
More than at any other time in all the history of humanity, we are at a
 crossroads, a place which demands of us a sincere and wise decision. A turn
 to the left at this time would certainly cause widespread despair and
 perhaps even confrontative reactions by the multitudes. A turn to the right
 would cause utter hopelessness and massive confusion among the citizenry.
 By going straight forward, we face certain extinction. I pray that we
 receive the wisdom to make a truly wise decision in these trying times.
%%
More than I wanted to know, and I'm sorry I asked! :-)
%%
More than you wanted to know & aren't you sorry you asked.
%%
More things change, the more you need alterations.
%%
More whiskey! Faster horses! Looser women! More HD space!
%%
More will mean worse.
 -- Kingsley Amis
%%
:moria: /mor'ee-*/ n. Like {nethack} and {rogue}, one of
   the large PD Dungeons-and-Dragons-like simulation games, available
   for a wide range of machines and operating systems.  The name is
   from Tolkien's Mines of Moria; compare {elder days},
   {elvish}.  The game is extremely addictive and a major consumer
   of time better used for hacking.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Moriarity Realty: When you need new Holmes.
%%
Moriarty killed a clone!  Holmes lives!
%%
Moriarty Realty: For your new Holmes
%%
Mork calling Orson, Mork calling Orson.
%%
MORK!  Is that you?
%%
Mormonism: Nothing so hilarious could possibly be true. Or all bad.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Morning after pill for men, changes your blood type.
%%
Morning: cause for alarm
%%
Mornings have no mercy
[picture of sun coming in the window with a gun]
%%
Morn,
Wak'd by the circling hours, with rosy hand
Unbarr'd the gates of light.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vi, Line 2
%%
Morphology is part science and part 'Ipse Dixit.'
%%
Morris dancing is an exercise in fertility
%%
MORTICIAN:  Bring out your dead!
    [clang]
            Bring out your dead!
    [clang]
            Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER:  Here's one -- nine pence.
DEAD PERSON:  I'm not dead!
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
MORTICIAN:    He isn't.
CUSTOMER:     Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
DEAD PERSON:  I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER:     No, you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment.
MORTICIAN:    Oh, I can't take him like that -- it's against regulations.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Morticians do it gravely.
%%
MORTICIAN:    What?
CUSTOMER:     Nothing -- here's your nine pence.
DEAD PERSON:  I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN:    Here -- he says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER:     Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON:  I'm not!
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Morticia, Thing needs a hand.
%%
Morton Downey, a man with an overwhelming personality. Once you meet him,
 you never want to do it again.
%%
Morton Downey...ever since he was eight years old, his parents pleaded with
 him to run away from home.
%%
Morton Downy Show: An extended program to accommodate the filthy language
 marathon currently in progress.
%%
Morty's Mortuary - You kill em' we chill em'.
%%
Morty's Mortuary - You Snuff em' we stuff em'.
%%
Moscow in flames! Missles coming! Film at 11.
%%
Mos Eisley Spaceport... Not a more wretched collection
 of villainy and disreputable types exists anywhere on Tatooine...
 -- Obi-wan Kenobi
%%
Moses at Midnight: Featuring God as Guest This Evening, Author of Stone
 Tablets and The Ten Commandments. Will plug book.
%%
Moses did not bring down from Mt. Sinai the Ten Suggestions.
%%
Moses, returning from the mountain, spoke to his people:
 "The good news is we got them down to ten."
 "The bad news is that adultery is still one of them."
%%
Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.
%%
MOSES to Pharaoh Clinton: let my wallet go...
%%
"Mosquito Bites" by Ivan Itch
%%
Mosquito: Designed by God to make flies seem better.
%%
Most academic economists know nothing of economy. In fact, they know little of
anything.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Most accidents happen within 25 miles of home.  Time to move.
%%
Most accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events
of low probability occurring in the worst possible combination.
 -- Robert Machol
%%
Most allies must be watched just like the enemy.
%%
Most arguments would be spoiled if either party knew the facts.
%%
Most asked question: Huh?
%%
Most authors steal their works, or buy;
Garth did not write his own Dispensary.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part iii, Line 59
%%
Most bad government has grown out of too much government.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Most burning issues generate far more heat than light.
%%
Most change is for the worse.
%%
Most cheeses need work. I don't want to be in the same country as goat
 cheese. It always tastes the way a yak looks in one of those National
 Geographic specials.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Most Christians don't know anything about Christianity.
%%
Most congressman are charlatans who are either ignorant or
contemptuous of our Constitution.
 -- Walter E. Williams
%%
Most decisions are a balance between resources and desires
%%
"Most divorces are just a four-year-long date with a little bookkeeping."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
Most economists think of God as working great multiple regressions in the sky.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Most effective way to change minds about gays is for gays to come out.
%%
Most essential qualification for a politician: The ability to foretell
what will happen tomorrow, next month, and next year- and to explain
afterward why it did not happen.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Most excellent..
%%
Most Favored Nation? Really Clinton your the pitts.
%%
Most fish live underwater, which is a terrible place to have sex
because virtually anywhere you lie down there will be stinging crabs
and large quantities of little fish staring at you with buggy little
eyes.  So generally when two fish want to have sex, they swim around
and around for hours, looking for someplace to go, until finally the
female gets really tired and has a terrible headache, and she just
dumps her eggs right on the sand and swims away.  Then the male, driven
by some timeless, noble instinct for survival, eats the eggs.  So the
truth is that fish don't reproduce at all, but there are so many of
them that it doesn't make any difference.
 -- Dave Barry, Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every
             Teen Should Know
%%
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Most forcible Feeble.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Most free items find an eager waiting user.
%%
Most gays have heterosexual parents.
%%
Most general statements are false, including this one.
 -- Alexander Dumas, or maybe Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
Most good intentions find their death and graveyard in the field of
 indecision.
%%
Most Gracious Queen, we thee implore
To go away and sin no more,
But if that effort be too great,
To go away at any rate.
 -- Epigram on Queen Caroline
%%
Most great discoveries start with making a mistake.
%%
Most GUI's I've seen are pretty gooey.
%%
Most guys'll tell you, if they had a choice of a way to die, they would
 want to die while in bed with a woman. Making whoopee. Which is great. For
 the guy.

 For the woman, let's be honest, it's a drag. She has really two choices.
 Number one, she's totally mortified and she avoids sex for the rest of her
 life. Or number two, she's walkin' around with an inordinate amount of
 confidence! "Hey, Denise, what's happening?" "Ohhhh, nothing ... last night
 I killed a man ..."
 -- Jeff Cesario
%%
Most have good aims in life, but few pull the trigger.
%%
Most hierarchies were established by men who now monopolize the
upper levels, thus depriving women of their rightful share of
opportunities for incompetence.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things
for granted.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Most human problems can be solved by an appropriate charge of high
explosive.
 -- Blaster, Uncommon Valor
%%
Most ignorance is vincible ignorance: we don't know because we don't
want to know.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Most interesting, could this be human joke number 663?
Negative, Data. That's a Captain's order.
 -- Data and Geordi, "Code of Honor", stardate 41235.25
%%
Most joyful let the Poet be;
It is through him that all men see.
 -- William Ellery Channing (1780-1842)
 -- The Poet of the Old and New Times
%%
Most legends have their basis in facts.
 -- Kirk, "And The Children Shall Lead," stardate 5029.5.
%%
Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss out
 of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.
%%
Most likely all that gold was stolen from this vault.
%%
Most major cities have a park and recreation department, but most of these
 same cities have a park that isn't included within the department involved.
 It is called Noplaceta Park, named after Mr. and Mrs. Wilbur Noplaceta.
%%
Most managers were trained to be the thing they most despise -- bureaucrats.
 -- Alvin Toffler
%%
Most men employ the first part of their life, to make the rest miserable.
 -- de La Bruyere
%%
Most men fall in love with a pretty face but find themselves bound for life
 to a hateful stranger, alternating endlessly between workshop and a witch's
 kitchen.
%%
Most men have more courage than even they themselves think they have.
 -- Grenville
%%
Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past
it.  They fare as did that dwarf who kept guard over a captured princess
in his castle. One day he took a midday nap. When he woke up an hour
later, the princess was gone. Quickly he pulled on his seven-league
boots; with one stride he was far beyond her.
%%
Most men take only 2-3 minutes to relieve themselves.
Women's Restrooms always have long lines.
%%
Most monsters prefer minced meat. That's why they are hitting you.
%%
Most new books drop immediately into the oblivion they so richly deserve.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Most non-Catholics know that the Catholic schools are rendering a
greater service to our nation than the public schools in which
subversive textbooks have been used, in which Communist-minded teachers
have taught, and from whose classrooms Christ and even God Himself are
barred.
 -- from "Our Sunday Visitor",
 -- an American-Catholic newspaper, circa 1949
%%
Most novices picture themselves as masters - and are content with the
picture. This is why there are so few masters.
 -- Jean Toomer
%%
Most of our future lies ahead.
%%
Most of our lives are spent in Plan B.
%%
Most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on
believing as we already do.
 -- James Harvey Robinson, The Mind in the Making
%%
Most often the correct thing to say to most people is nothing.
%%
Most of the bugs in Hack are on the floor.
%%
Most of the change we think we see in life
is due to truths being in and out of favor.
 -- Robert Frost, The Black Cottage
%%
Most of the dogmatic religions have exhibited a perverse talent for taking
 the wrong side on the most important concepts in the material universe,
 from the structure of the solar system to the origin of man.
 -- George Gaylord Simpson
%%
Most of the graduate students get aids.
%%
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by
 people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at
all.
 -- Dale Carnegie
%%
Most of the literary classics are worth reading, if you've nothing better to
do.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Most of the people I know are more critical of their own faults.
Especially when they find them in other people.
 -- Seth
%%
Most of the people obsessed with the
America's cup are trendy jerks who hadn't
even heard of it a year ago.
 -- AMERICA'S CUP FACT
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
Most of the problems a President has to face have their roots in the past.
 -- Harry S. Truman, "Memoirs, Vol. II", 1955
%%
Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows
by Democrats.
%%
Most of the time, for most of the world, no matter how hard people
work at it, nothing of any significance happens.
%%
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't
have any fun at all.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon.  But
 some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little
 window and think, ``Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT.''
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Most of the trouble with computers is caused by people
 who haven't yet mastered paper and pencil.
%%
Most of the VAX instructions are in microcode,
 but halt and no-op are in hardware for efficiency.
%%
Most of us are attracted by beauty and repelled by ugliness -- one of
  the last of our prejudices.
 -- Kirk, "Is There In Truth No Beauty?" stardate 5630.7.
%%
Most of us are umpires at heart; we like to call balls and strikes
on somebody else.
 -- Leo Aikman
%%
Most of us ask for advice when we know the answer but want a different one.
%%
Most of us can do more than we think we can, but usually do less than we
think we have.
%%
"Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don't want the other person to
forget that we forgave."
 -- Ivern Ball, "National Enquirer"
%%
Most of us hate to see a poor loser. Rich winners, though, are worse.
%%
Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
%%
Most of us lead lives of chaotic improvisation from day to day, bawling for
peace while plunging grimly into fresh disorders.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Most of us spend the first 6 days of each week sowing wild oats,
then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons
 for it afterwards.
 -- Soren F. Petersen
%%
Most of us would be glad to pay as we go, if we could only catch
up on where we've been.
%%
Most of us would like to be smarter than we are, stronger than we
are, richer than we are, but we don't feel all that comfortable with
people who are.
 -- Mickey Manfield
%%
Most of us would rather risk catastrophe
than read the directions.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
Most of what we call the classics of world literature suggest artifacts in a
wax museum. We have to hire and pay professors to get them read and talked
about.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Most of your attack is deflected,
but the troll has suffered some injury.
%%
Most of your faults are not your fault.
%%
Most organizations are like septic tanks,
the big chunks rise to the top.
%%
Most organizations can't hold one idea at a time... Thus complementary
ideas are always regarded as competitive. Further, like a quantized
pendulum, an organization can jump from one extreme to the other,
without ever going through the middle.
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
Most people are afraid of being alone.
 -- Kirk, "The Mark of Gideon," stardate 5423.4.
%%
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not
understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Most people are mirrors, reflecting the moods and emotions of the
times; few are windows, bringing light to bear on the dark corners
where troubles fester. The whole purpose of education is to turn
mirrors into windows.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Most people are on the world, not in it. - have no conscious sympathy or
relationship to anything about them - undiffused, separate, and rigidly
alone like marbles of polished stone, touching but separate.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Most people are on the world, not in it...
 -- John Muir
%%
Most people are other people.  Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
 their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Most people are too busy to have time for anything important.
%%
Most people believe that if you go in and try to micromanage a forest,
it is possible to destroy the very thing that makes it a unique and
special place.  That's just as true of the Net.
 -- Glen Raphael
%%
Most people can't think, most of the remainder won't think, the small
fraction who do think mostly can't do it very well.
 -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
%%
Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently
than they do.
 -- Turgenev
%%
 Most people deserve each other.
 -- Shirley's Law
%%
Most people do not know how to behave in a massacre.
%%
Most people don't know this, but I'm pretty famous.
 -- Norm Peterson
%%
Most people don't need a great deal of love
nearly so much as they need a steady supply.
%%
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted
 brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look
 like a deer.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market.
 -- E. W. Howe
%%
Most people exhibit what political scientists call "the conservatism
of the peasantry."  Don't lose what you've got.  Don't change.    Don't
take a chance, because you might end up starving to death.  Play it
safe.  Buy just as much as you need.  Don't waste time.

When we think about risk, human beings and corporations realize in
their heads that risks are necessary to grow, to survive.  But when it
comes down to keeping good people when the crunch comes, or investing
money in something untried, only the brave reach deep into their
pockets and play the game as it must be played.
 -- David Lammers, "Yakitori", Electronic Engineering
 -- Times, January 18, 1988
%%
Most people fear the Republicans because they don't seem able to solve the
 problems. Most people fear the Democrats because they do seem able to solve
 problems, but it always costs a lot more money than anyone was willing to
 admit.
%%
Most people feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion.
%%
Most people find the concept of programming obvious, but the doing
impossible.
%%
Most people get a fair amount of fun out of their lives,
but on balance life is suffering and only the very young
or the very foolish imagine otherwise.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950), "Shooting an Elephant", 1950
%%
Most people have a mind that's open by appointment only.
%%
Most people have seen on their rear view mirrors:

 WARNING! Objects may appear closer than they really are.

 Maybe liquor companies need to include the following:

 WARNING! Members of the opposite sex may appear more attractive than they
 really are after consumption of this product.

 Perhaps even this could be used somewhere: =)

 WARNING! Objects under this shirt may appear larger than they are.
%%
Most people ignore most poetry
   because
   most poetry ignores most people.
 -- Adrian Mitchell
%%
Most people in this society who aren't actively mad are,
at best, reformed or potential lunatics.
 -- Susan Sontag
%%
Most people judge men only by success or by fortune.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 212
%%
Most people know that, traditionally, it is a woman's perogative to change
her mind.
Unfortunately, few women realize that it is a man's perogative to fall asleep
after orgasm.
%%
Most people live their lives as if they think God isn't paying any attention
to them.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Most people make sense, I'm not one of them.
%%
Most people need some of their problems
to help take their mind off some of the others.
%%
Most people past college age are not atheists. It's too hard to be in
 society, for one thing. Because you don't get any days off. And if you're
 an agnostic you don't know whether you get them off or not.
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
Most people prefer certainty to truth.
%%
Most people say what they're thinking before they
think what they're saying.
%%
Most people seek after what they do not possess and are enslaved by the
very things they want to acquire.
 -- Anwar El-Sadat
%%
Most people seem to think that trampling individual rights is OK if it is
"for the good of society as a whole."  However, society is but a large number
of individuals, and how can harming the individual parts better the whole?
 -- Andrew Ford, forda@agcs.com
%%
Most people's favorite way to end a game is by winning.
%%
Most people take themselves too seriously.
%%
Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I
think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves
you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried,
you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-
five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive
stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets
and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into
rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then
 -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get
hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.
                --Denis Leary
%%
Most people want security in this world, not liberty.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Most people will listen to your unreasonable demands,
if you'll consider their unacceptable offer.
%%
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to
  keep in touch.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with
great ambitions.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be
otherwise.
 -- Maya Angelou, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings", 1969
%%
Most potent, grave, and reverend signiors,
My very noble and approv'd good masters,
That I have ta'en away this old man's daughter,
It is most true; true, I have married her:
The very head and front of my offending
Hath this extent, no more. Rude am I in my speech,
And little bless'd with the soft phrase of peace:
For since these arms of mine had seven years' pith,
Till now some nine moons wasted, they have used
Their dearest action in the tented field,
And little of this great world can I speak,
More than pertains to feats of broil and battle,
And therefore little shall I grace my cause
In speaking for myself. Yet, by your gracious patience,
I will a round unvarnish'd tale deliver
Of my whole course of love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.
 -- Seneca
%%
Most problems have either many answers or no answer. Only a few problems
have one answer.
 -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
Most projects start out slowly -- and then sort of taper off.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XL
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Most readers get as far as the Future Semiconditionally Modified Subinverted
Plagal Past Subjunctive Intentional before giving up; and in fact in later
editions of the book all the pages beyond this point have been left blank to
save on printing costs.
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" skips lightly over this tangle of
academic abstraction, pausing only to note that the term "Future Perfect"
has been abandoned since it was discovered not to be.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Most recently, I've read so much about the dangers of smoke and drink that
 I have finally decided to give up reading altogether.
%%
    Most reformers wore rubber boots and stood on glass when
God sent a current of Commonsense through the Universe.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Most rich people are rich first and whatever else they are second.
 -- Cerebus
%%
Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people
who can't talk, for people who can't read.
 -- Frank Zappa (1940-94), U.S. rock musician
 -- Chicago Tribune (January 18, 1978).
%%
Most rumors are just as misleading as this one.
%%
Most saints live to regret their career choices.
 -- Bob Stokes
%%
Most schemes of political improvement are very laughable things.
%%
Most "scientists" are bottle washers and button sorters.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Most seminars have a happy ending.  Everyone's glad when they're over.
%%
Most skiers are people who jump to contusions.
%%
Most things are better eaten than forgotten.
%%
Most things get steadily worse.
 -- The Course of Progress
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
 -- The Path of Progress
 -- Issawi's Laws of Progress
%%
Most troubles of mankind are a matter of grammar.
%%
Most Weight lifters are biceptual.
%%
Most well-trodden paths lead nowhere.
 -- First Rule of Pathology
%%
Most women are not so young as they are painted.
 -- Max Beerbohm
%%
Most women do not want to be liberated from their essential natures as women.
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle, while campaigning in
                    Kansas City, MO,  9/2/92
                    (reported in the NY times, 9/3/92)
%%
Most women have no characters at all.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 258
%%
Most women look for a man who is tall, dark and hung some.
%%
Most writers are naturally sycophants. Born in the fetal position, they never
learn to stand erect.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore
are most economical in its use.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
:MOTAS: /moh-tahz/ [USENET: Member Of The Appropriate Sex, after
   {MOTOS} and {MOTSS}] n. A potential or (less often) actual sex
   partner.  See also {SO}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Motherboard -
a maternal parent listening to you tell her about your latest program.
%%
Mother didn't make it to the hospital. I was born on the bus. Mother was
 furious when she had to open her pocketbook the second time.
 -- Jack Douglas
%%
Mother earth is not flat!
%%
MOTHER:
       Half a word.
%%
Motherhood is an essential, difficult, and full-time job. Women who do not
wish to be mothers should not have babies.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
 -- Arnold Bennett
%%
Mother is the invention of necessity.
%%
Mother Nature didn't plan on Human nature.
%%
Mother Nature doesn't care if you are having fun.
%%
Mother nature is a bitch.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary 10
%%
Mother of 32 children says, "I'm going for the worlds record!"
%%
Mother of Mercy, is this the end of Rico?
 -- Edward G. Robinson ("Little Caesar")
%%
    Mother said there would be days like this,
    but she never said that there'd be so many!
 -- Lee's Law
%%
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more
certain they are their own.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Mother's board, Dad's a UNIX.
%%
Mother's Day is not celebrated properly on the correct date. It should be
 properly celebrated, on the first day of school.
%%
MOTHER'S DAY: Nine months after Father's Day.
%%
Mothers do it with their children.
%%
Mothers mold the children's minds. Some of you have done well. There are a
 lot of moldy-minded kids around.
 -- Norm Crosby
%%
Mothers of large families (who claim to common sense)
Will find a Tiger will repay the trouble and expense.
 -- Hilaire Belloc, "The Tiger"
%%
Mother Theresa epitomizes for me the blinkered charitableness upon
which we pride ourselves and for which we expect reward in this world
and the next.   There is very little on earth that I hate more than that.
 -- Feminist Germaine Greer
%%
Mother, they're still not sure it IS a baby!
%%
Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
%%
Mother told me (yes, she told me) I'd meet girls like you.
She also told me "Stay away.  You never know what you'll catch."
%%
Motivation is everything.  You can do the work of two people, but
you can't be two people.  Instead, you have to inspire the next guy
down the line and get him to inspire his people.
 -- Lee Iacocca
%%
Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
 -- Jim Ryun
%%
Motivation researchers are those harlot social scientists who, in
impressive analytic and/or sociological jargon, tell their clients what
their clients want to hear, namely that appeals to human irrationality
are likely to be far more profitable than appeals to rationality.
 -- S. I. Hayakawa (b. 1906)
%%
... motivations of passion or gain -- those are reasons for murder.
 -- Shras, the Andorian Ambassador, "Journey to Babel," stardate
         3842.2.
%%
Motley 's the only wear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
Motor City vampires prefer multiple viscosity.
%%
Motorcyclists do it with spread legs.
%%
Motorcyclists like something hot between their legs.
%%
:MOTOS: /moh-tohs/ [acronym from the 1970 U.S. census forms via
   USENET: Member Of The Opposite Sex] n. A potential or (less often)
   actual sex partner.  See {MOTAS}, {MOTSS}, {SO}.  Less
   common than MOTSS or {MOTAS}, which have largely displaced it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MotoXers do it in the dirt.
%%
:MOTSS: /mots/ or /M-O-T-S-S/ [from the 1970 U.S. census forms
   via USENET] n. Member Of The Same Sex, esp. one considered as a
   possible sexual partner.  The gay-issues newsgroup on USENET is
   called soc.motss.  See {MOTOS} and {MOTAS}, which derive
   from it.  See also {SO}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MOU: MOunt User [causes computer to screw you]
%%
Mountain climbers do it abysmally.
%%
Mountain Climbers do it on the rocks.
%%
Mountain Climbing: Andover Hand
%%
Mountaineers do it showing excellent technique on the peak.
%%
Mountaineers do it with ropes.
%%
Mountains are earth's undecaying monuments.
 -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there.
%%
Mountains culminate in peaks, and nations in people.
%%
Mountains interposed
Make enemies of nations who had else,
Like kindred drops, been mingled into one.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 17
%%
MOUNTAIN
  Something which men seem to delight in being able to climb just so
  they can stick little flags in it at the top to show that they've
  climbed it, and can then apply for Fame from the Warhol Institute
  For Handing Out Fame. Generally a waste of time. And I can prove
  it. Name five mountaineers.
      See?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Mountains should be seen and not heard.
%%
Mountains standing close together:
The image of Keeping Still.
Thus the superior man
Does not permit his thoughts
To go beyond his situation.
%%
Mountain under heaven: the image of Retreat.
Thus the superior man keeps the inferior man at a distance,
Not angrily but with reserve.
%%
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
%%
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
%%
Mourning sickness: Waking up and finding out Clinton won.
%%
Mourn not the dead...
But rather mourn the apathetic throng --
The cowed and meek
Who see the world's great anguish and its wrong,
And dare not speak.
 -- Ralph Cahplin (1887-1961)
%%
:mouse ahead: vi. Point-and-click analog of `type ahead'.  To
   manipulate a computer's pointing device (almost always a mouse in
   this usage, but not necessarily) and its selection or command
   buttons before a computer program is ready to accept such input, in
   anticipation of the program accepting the input.  Handling this
   properly is rare, but it can help make a {WIMP environment} much
   more usable, assuming the users are familiar with the behavior of
   the user interface.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mouse: A peripheral originally named "veriform appendix" because of its
functional resemblance, renamed for its usefulness as a cat toy.
%%
:mouse around: vi. To explore public portions of a large system, esp.
   a network such as Internet via {FTP} or {TELNET}, looking for
   interesting stuff to {snarf}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mouse button failure, click here to resume.
%%
MOUSE
  Computer input device, named by some scientists at Xerox when they
  were pissed out of their brains. They also labelled the computer's
  display screen a Vole, but were less successful in spreading of
  this term.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:mouse droppings: [MS-DOS] n. Pixels (usually single) that are not
   properly restored when the mouse pointer moves away from a
   particular location on the screen, producing the appearance that
   the mouse pointer has left droppings behind.  The major causes for
   this problem are programs that write to the screen memory
   corresponding to the mouse pointer's current location without
   hiding the mouse pointer first, and mouse drivers that do not quite
   support the graphics mode in use.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:mouse elbow: n. A tennis-elbow-like fatigue syndrome resulting from
   excessive use of a {WIMP environment}.  Similarly, `mouse
   shoulder'; GLS reports that he used to get this a lot before he
   taught himself to be ambimoustrous.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mouse found:  Boot cat? (Y/N)
%%
Mouse lost its balls,unable to point and shoot.
%%
MOUSE, n.  An animal which strews its path with fainting women.  As in
Rome Christians were thrown to the lions, so centuries earlier in
Otumwee, the most ancient and famous city of the world, female
heretics were thrown to the mice.  Jakak-Zotp, the historian, the only
Otumwump whose writings have descended to us, says that these martyrs
met their death with little dignity and much exertion.  He even
attempts to exculpate the mice (such is the malice of bigotry) by
declaring that the unfortunate women perished, some from exhaustion,
some of broken necks from falling over their own feet, and some from
lack of restoratives.  The mice, he avers, enjoyed the pleasures of
the chase with composure.  But if "Roman history is nine-tenths
lying," we can hardly expect a smaller proportion of that rhetorical
figure in the annals of a people capable of so incredible cruelty to a
lovely women; for a hard heart has a false tongue.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed.
 Please
            click the left mouse button to continue.
 -- WindowError: 079
%%
Mouse not found: Boot cat? (Y/N)
%%
Mouse raping elephant. I'll try not to hurt you, baby.
%%
MOUSE:  Species of rodent known to inhabit computers.
%%
:mouso: /mow'soh/ n. [by analogy with `typo'] An error in mouse usage
   resulting in an inappropriate selection or graphic garbage on the
   screen.  Compare {thinko}, {braino}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MOUSQUETAIRE, n.  A long glove covering a part of the arm.  Worn in
New Jersey.  But "mousquetaire" is a might poor way to spell
muskeeter.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.
%%
MOUTH, n.  In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of
the heart.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Move Bossy! Sorry mam, thought I was walkin around a cow.
%%
Movement To Ban Silly Tag Lines; Send Donations to...
%%
Move, move you slut.
 -- William Shakespeare, Hamlet
%%
Move over, Rover, and let Jimi take over.
%%
Move to California - The police treat you like a "King"
%%
Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.
%%
Movie about transvestite supercomputers: "The Craying Game"
%%
Moviemaking is not about politically correct people - Fuck politically
 correct.
 -- Paul Verhoeven
%%
Movie ratings are now a device whereby adults can discern which movies are
 unsuitable for them to see.
%%
Movies: A place where people talk behind your back.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Movies keep getting more explicit; these days a "family film" is likely
to show you how to start one.
 -- Sandy Teller
%%
Movie stars do it on film.
%%
Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear.
%%
Mow Mow Boppa Mow Mow Mow
%%
Mowmuffins:  Dried accumulation of grass on the underside of lawnmowers.
%%
Mozart:  Composed for 40 years, then he decomposed.
%%
  Mozart!- Spiteful, sniggering, conceited, infantile Mozart! who
never spent one minute to help another man...s***-talking Mozart and
his botty-smacking wife-him you have chosen to be your sole conduct.
And my reward- my sublime privilege- is to be the only man alive in
this time to clearly recognize Your Incarnation. Grazie e grazie
ancora!!
 -- Amadeus
%%
Mozart, striving for perfection, wrote the same symphony forty-one times. In
his case, it worked. He wrote a perfect symphony.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
MPLP: Make Pretty Light Pattern
%%
MPU-401s: All they ever think about is Hex!
%%
Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production
 of the INDONESIAN archipelago?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
'Mr. Arnold' isn't even his name.  His name's 'Rimmer'; or 'Smeghead';
or 'Dinosaur Breath'; or 'Molecule Mind'.  And if you want to be really
mega-polite to him, Kryten -- we're talking mega-mega-polite -- in those
rare and exceptional circumstances, you can call him Arsehole.
 -- Lister in Red Dwarf 'Kryten'
%%
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.  Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
MR. BILL . . .Ooooohhh Nooooooooooo({2FE NO CARRIER
%%
Mr. Canal, stop this instant!  I must ask that you
refrain from knife-fighting in the White House!
 -- Saturday Night Live
%%
Mr Churchill, you are drunk!
Yea, and you're ugly.
Yes, but I can have selective cosmetic and plastic surgery and I will
be beautiful, whereas you will still have the disease of alcholism.
%%
Mr. Coolidge is the best Democrat we ever had in the White House. He didn't
 do nothin', but that's what we wanted done.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Mr. Cthulhu, here is another candidate...
%%
Mr. Custer? Can I be excused for the rest of the afternoon?
%%
Mr. Dahmer, meet your court-appointed psychiatrist, Dr. Lecter.
%%
Mr. Dent, some factual information for you.  Have you any idea how much damage
that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?  ...None
at all.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
MRducks. MRnot! MRso! Cedar wings? ...Whale oil beef hooked, MRducks!
%%
MR DUCKS. MR NOT! OSAR--CD WINGS? LIB! MR DUCKS!
%%
Mr Flibble: Game over, boys!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Quarantine'
%%
Mr. Fusion Home Service Representative
%%
Mr. Garibaldi, it's a big universe.
%%
Mr. Henry James writes fiction as if it were a painful duty.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Mr. Jefferson has reason to reflect upon himself.  How he will get
rid of his remorse in his retirement, I know not.  He must know that
he leaves the government infinitely worse than he found it, and that
from his own error or ignorance.
 -- John Adams, Letter to Benjamin Rush, April 18, 1808
%%
"Mr. Johnson, you smell!"
"No madam, you smell, I stink."
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Mr. Kremlin was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea,
and that was wrong.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book iv, Chap. v
%%
Mr. LaForge, step on it.
 -- Picard, "The Big Goodbye", stardate 41997.7
%%
Mr. LaForge, when I left this ship it was in one piece. I would
  appreciate your returning it to me in the same condition.
 -- Picard, "Arsenal of Freedom", stardate 41798.2
%%
Mr. Manson, meet your court-appointed psychiatrist, Dr. Lecter.
%%
"Mr. Ness!  I do not approve of your methods."
  "Yeah?  Well, you're not from Chicago."
 -- THE UNTOUCHABLES
%%
Mr. Nguyen, I'm dead, not stupid.
 -- A wise zombie from BILLY NGUYEN
%%
Mr. Pink: Am I the only professional around here?
%%
Mr. President? Incoming,sir.  Launch code?
%%
Mr. President, we must not allow a Mine Shaft Gap!
%%
Mr. President, you'd better put more security agents on Mrs. Clinton.
if something happened to her you might have to run the country
 -- Senator Strom Thurmond
%%
Mr. Rivera was the landlord in the apartment building I grew up in. He was
 the kind of landlord who never wanted to fix anything in the apartment. But
 wanted a key anyway. In case of emergency. Like he was broke.
 -- Freddie Prinze
%%
Mr. Rockford?  Miss Collins from the Bureau of Licenses.  We got your
renewal before the extended deadline, but not your check.  I'm sorry,
but at midnight you're no longer licensed as an investigator.
%%
Mr. Rockford?  This is Betty Joe Withers.  I got four shirts
of yours from the Bo Peep Cleaners by mistake.  I don't know
why they gave me men's shirts but they're going back.
%%
Mr. Rockford?  This is the Thomas Crown School of Dance and
Contemporary Etiquette.  We aren't going to call again; now
you want these free lessons or what?
%%
Mr. Rockford?  You don't know me, but I'd like to hire you.  Could
you call me at ...  My name is, uh, ...  Never mind, forget it!
%%
Mrs. Bobbit..The new GINSU knive spokesperson: "It slices, it dices"
%%
Mrs. Bunny's complaint: "He just keeps going and going and going ..."
%%
Mr. Schroedinger, have you seen my cat?  And what's the box for?
%%
Mr. Sco*t! G*t th*s* trib*les out*of m* ta*lin* n*w!!!
%%
Mr. Scott, energize.  Hey! Where'd that pink bunny come from?
%%
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
%%
Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Mrs M., if we were the last three humans on Earth, I'd be trying
  to start a family with Baldrick.
 -- Edmund to Mrs Miggins : Amy and Amiability
%%
Mrs. Murphy and baby Murphy are instances of Murphy's law.
%%
Mr. Spock doesn't say, 'Let's blast their buns off.'
%%
Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk.
 -- TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode _Amok_Time_
%%
Mr. Spock!  This disk is damaged!  Do you want to initialize it?
%%
Mr. Spock wears vulcanized rubbers.
%%
Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
I should be.
How many times have you committed suicide?
Four times.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Mrs Tarentino: Are you police officers?
Elwood: No ma'am, we're musicians.
 -- From the movie "The Blues Brothers"
%%
Mrs White: "Everything allright?"
Col. Mustard: "Yep. Two corpses, everything's fine."
 -- _Clue_
%%
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
 -- Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)
%%
Mr. Watson, come here, I want you.
 -- Alexander Graham Bell
%%
Mr. Wesley Crusher, would you please report to the airlock
%%
Mr. Wilson's mind, as has been the custom, will be closed all day Sunday.
 -- George S. Kaufman
%%
Mr. Wilson told me he gets the money from a big slurpy fund, like all
 the government guys.
 -- Simon, "The ATM Machine", Eerie Indiana
%%
MR. WIZARD!!!!  I don't wanna be a Sysop anymore!!!!!!
%%
Mr. Worf! Confine this man to the brig!
%%
Mr. Worf, <dramatic pause< fire!
%%
Mr. Worf! Eating Christmas Cookies, on my bridge?
%%
Mr. Worf, fire at will.  Wait, I didn't mean Riker!!!
%%
Mr. Worf, fire phasers at Bob ... Zzzzzap!
%%
Mr. Worf, fire phasers at that Tagline Thief .. Zzzzzap!
%%
Mr. Worf, fire phasers at will! *ZAP* Hey where did Riker go?
%%
Mr. Worf, FIRE. to be continued.
%%
Mr. Worf, lock a tractor beam on that Tagline and bring it in.
%%
Mr. Worf, please show Mr. Fox to the airlock.
%%
Mr. Worf, scan that ship. Aye Captain. 300 dpi?
%%
Mr. X was disappointed to find no suggestion box in the clubhouse
 because he would like to put a suggestion in it about having one.
%%
MRZ: Make Random Zap
%%
MS-DAX 6.0:  (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore Julian
%%
MS decided that in NZ, they'd skip to DOS 7 (to avoid sux)!
%%
MS-DOS 6.0 -- Now you can't just blame Windows!
%%
MS-DOS 6.0: The Nightmare Continues.
%%
MS-DOS 6.66: The Anti-DOS
%%
MS-DOS 6: Brought to you by the creators of DOS 4.0
%%
MS-DOS 6... from the makers of EDLIN!
%%
MS-DOS... an operating system designed for a microprocessor that modern
kitchen appliances would sneer at...
 -- Dave Trowbridge, Computer Technology Review, Aug 90
%%
MS-DOS causes deafness and hair loss when used by laboratory rats.
%%
MS-DOS: celebrating ten years of continuous obsolescence.
%%
MS-DOS is a boot sector virus!
%%
MS-DOS is CP/M on steroids.
%%
MS-DOS isn't dead, it just smells that way.
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
MS-DOS is the OS/360 of the 1980s.
 -- Hal W. Hardenbergh (1985)
%%
MS-DOS: Just say NO!
%%
MS-DOS: Microsoft Seeks Dominion Over Society
%%
MS-DOS..MR DOS's sister -- DR DOS..MS DOS's Gynecologist.
%%
:MS-DOS:: /M-S-dos/ [MicroSoft Disk Operating System] n. A
   {clone} of {{CP/M}} for the 8088 crufted together in 6 weeks by
   hacker Tim Paterson, who is said to have regretted it ever since.
   Numerous features, including vaguely UNIX-like but rather broken
   support for subdirectories, I/O redirection, and pipelines, were
   hacked into 2.0 and subsequent versions; as a result, there are two
   or more incompatible versions of many system calls, and MS-DOS
   programmers can never agree on basic things like what character to
   use as an option switch or whether to be case-sensitive.  The
   resulting mess is now the highest-unit-volume OS in history.  Often
   known simply as DOS, which annoys people familiar with other
   similarly abbreviated operating systems (the name goes back to the
   mid-1960s, when it was attached to IBM's first disk operating
   system for the 360).  The name further annoys those who know what
   the term {operating system} does (or ought to) connote; DOS is
   more properly a set of relatively simple interrupt services.  Some
   people like to pronounce DOS like "dose", as in "I don't work on
   dose, man!", or to compare it to a dose of brain-damaging drugs
   (a slogan button in wide circulation among hackers exhorts:
   "MS-DOS: Just say No!").  See {mess-dos}, {ill-behaved}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MS-DOS must die!
%%
MSDOS, PCDOS, DRDOS, 4DOS, DILDOS
%%
Msdos-the latest utility supported by UNIX!
%%
MS-DOS: the operating system for Republicans.
%%
MS-DOS...The ultimate PC Virus
%%
MSG 1 of 16534 (sigh)
%%
MSGD: Make Screen Go Dim
%%
Ms. is short for MStake, MSandry, MSinformation and MSrepresentation.
%%
MSPI: Make Sure Plugged In
%%
MSP: Mistake Sign for Parity
%%
MSR: Melt Special Register
%%
Ms Scarlet (Lesly Ann Warren) : "So why's the car stopped?"
Proffessor Plum (Christopher Lloyd) : "It's scared."
 -- _Clue_
%%
MST3K:  Funnier than Siskel.  Thinner than Ebert.
%%
MST: Mount Scotch Tape
%%
MS Windows....Symbolism without Substance!
%%
MS Word: From the folks who brought you EDLIN
%%
MTE: Mangle Tape on Exit
%%
MT%HRDV MagTape - High speed Rewind and Drop Vacuum
%%
MTI: Make Tape Invalid
%%
MT: Muddle Through
%%
MT-ness is owning a Roland...
%%
MTP: MounT Programmer
%%
MTV.   An obedient tongue licking the shiny leather boot of rock and roll.
 -- MTV commercial
%%
MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's.
 -- Doug Ferrari
%%
Much ado Nothing Happens.
%%
Much have I travell'd in the realms of gold,
  And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;
  Round many western islands have I been
Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold.
Oft of one wide expanse had I been told
  That deep-brow'd Homer ruled as his demesne,
  Yet did I never breathe its pure serene
Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold:
Then felt I like some watcher of the skies
  When a new planet swims into his ken;
Or like stout Cortez when with eagle eyes
  He stared at the Pacific, and all his men
Look'd at each other with a wild surmise,
  Silent, upon a peak in Darien.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- On first looking into Chapman's Homer
%%
Much like a subtle spider which doth sit
  In middle of her web, which spreadeth wide;
If aught do touch the utmost thread of it,
  She feels it instantly on every side.
 -- Sir John Davies (1570-1626)
 -- The Immortality of the Soul
%%
Much like the French (or like ourselves, their apes),
Who with strange habit do disguise their shapes;
Who loving novels, full of affectation,
Receive the manners of each other nation.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Day
%%
Much that is dreadful and inhuman in history, much that one hardly likes
to believe, is mitigated by the reflection that the one who commands and
the one who carries out are different people.  The former does not
behold the sight and does not experience the strong impression on the
imagination.  The latter obeys a superior and therefore feels no
responsibility for his acts.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Much that is inexpressible would be hardly worth expression, if one
 could express it
 -- Lichtenberg
%%
Much that passes as idealism is disguised hatred or disguised love for
power.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Much water goeth by the mill
That the miller knoweth not of.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
MUDders do it over the InterNet.
%%
:muddie: n. Syn. {mudhead}.  More common in Great Britain, possibly
   because system administrators there like to mutter "bloody
   muddies" when annoyed at the species.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MUDDLE is written in TECO!
%%
:mudhead: n. Commonly used to refer to a {MUD} player who eats,
   sleeps, and breathes MUD.  Mudheads have been known to fail their
   degrees, drop out, etc., with the consolation, however, that they
   made wizard level.  When encountered in person, on a MUD, or in a
   chat system, all a mudhead will talk about is three topics: the
   tactic, character, or wizard that is supposedly always unfairly
   stopping him/her from becoming a wizard or beating a favorite MUD;
   why the specific game he/she has experience with is so much better
   than any other; and the MUD he or she is writing or going to write
   because his/her design ideas are so much better than in any
   existing MUD.  See also {wannabee}.

   To the anthropologically literate, this term may recall the
   Zuni/Hopi legend of the mudheads or `koyemshi', mythical
   half-formed children of an unnatural union.  Figures representing
   them act as clowns in Zuni sacred ceremonies.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
%%
Mudpacks aren't good for the complexion. Did you ever see a pretty pig?
 -- Jack E. Leonard
%%
Mud Pies.....Quiche Terrain!
%%
Muff divers local 69, We dive at 5!
%%
MUG: Make Ugly Graphics
%%
MUGWUMP, n.  In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted
to the vice of independence.  A term of contempt.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
MULATTO, n.  A child of two races, ashamed of both.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mules and donkeys aren't used in war because they're
too smart to go on a battlefield
%%
Mules are protected under the laws of Ohio, to the extent that you cannot
ride one more than ten miles, or set a fire under it if it balks.
%%
Mulroney:  The EDLIN of prime ministers...
%%
:multician: /muhl-ti'shn/ [coined at Honeywell, ca. 1970] n.
   Competent user of {{Multics}}.  Perhaps oddly, no one has ever
   promoted the analogous `Unician'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Multics is security spelled sideways.
%%
MULTICS MAN!!!!

With his power ring PL-1, backed by the mighty
resources of the powerful H-6880, his faithful
sidekick, the Fso Eagle, and his trusted gang:
"The System Daemons", he fights a never ending
battle for truth, security, and the Honeywell Way!
 -- T Kenney
%%
:Multics:: /muhl'tiks/ n. [from "MULTiplexed Information and
   Computing Service"] An early (late 1960s) timesharing operating
   system co-designed by a consortium including MIT, GE, and Bell
   Laboratories.  Multics was very innovative for its time --- among
   other things, it introduced the idea of treating all devices
   uniformly as special files.  All the members but GE eventually
   pulled out after determining that {second-system effect} had
   bloated Multics to the point of practical unusability (the
   `lean' predecessor in question was {CTSS}).  Honeywell
   commercialized Multics after buying out GE's computer group, but it
   was never very successful (among other things, on some versions one
   was commonly required to enter a password to log out).  One of the
   developers left in the lurch by the project's breakup was Ken
   Thompson, a circumstance which led directly to the birth of
   {{UNIX}}.  For this and other reasons, aspects of the Multics
   design remain a topic of occasional debate among hackers.  See also
   {brain-damaged} and {GCOS}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Multi Edit. Triumph over insanity.
%%
Multimedia: an answer looking for an application.
%%
Multimedia extensions for OS/2.  Launched by multimedia for Amiga.
%%
Multiple choice test:
 WHAT IS FORTRAN?
    [a] between thre and fiv tran.
    [b] what two computers engage in before interface.
    [c] ridiculous.
%%
Multiple safety redundancies lead to multiple^1 failures.
%%
Multiplication is vexation,
Division is as bad;
The Rule of three doth puzzle me,
And Practice drives me mad.
 -- Elizabethan MS, 1570
%%
Multiply in your head (ordered the compassionate Dr. Adams)
365,365,365,365,365,365 by 365,365,365,365,365,365.     He [ten-year-old
Truman Henry Safford] flew around the room like a top, pulled his
pantaloons over the tops of his boots, bit his hands, rolled his eyes
in their sockets, sometimes smiling and talking, and then seeming to be
in an agony, until, in not more than one minute, said he,
133,491,850,208,566,925,016,658,299,941,583,255!   An electronic
computer might do the job a little faster but it wouldn't be as much
fun to watch.
 -- James R. Newman (The World of Mathematics)
%%
Multitask: Choke on gum and trip simultaniously!
%%
Multitaskers do it Everywhere: Concurrently.
%%
Multitask?  I can't even get my kids to.
%%
Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
%%
Multitasking attempted.  System confused.
 -- WindowError: 005
%%
Multitasking? Been doing it for years.... I'm a Scouter...
%%
Multitasking causes schizophrenia.
%%
Multitasking: Crashing both hard-drives at once.
%%
Multitasking: Locking up more than 1 app @ a time.
%%
Multitasking: Make twice the mistakes in half the time.
%%
Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom
%%
Multitasking: Taking a shower while you mail downloads.
%%
Multitasking: The ability to screw up several things at once.
%%
:multitask: n. Often used of humans in the same meaning it has for
   computers, to describe a person doing several things at once (but
   see {thrash}).  The term `multiplex', from communications
   technology (meaning to handle more than one channel at the same
   time), is used similarly.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MULTITUDE, n.  A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue.  In
a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration.  "In a multitude
of consellors there is wisdom," saith the proverb.  If many men of
equal individual wisdom are wiser than any one of them, it must be
that they acquire the excess of wisdom by the mere act of getting
together.  Whence comes it?  Obviously from nowhere -- as well say
that a range of mountains is higher than the single mountains
composing it.  A multitude is as wise as its wisest member if it obey
him; if not, it is no wiser than its most foolish.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Multitudes in the valley of decision.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Joel iii, 14
%%
:mumblage: /muhm'bl*j/ n. The topic of one's mumbling (see
   {mumble}).  "All that mumblage" is used like "all that
   stuff" when it is not quite clear how the subject of discussion
   works, or like "all that crap" when `mumble' is being used as
   an implicit replacement for pejoratives.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Mumble.
%%
Mumbling to himself, Picard figures out the cheese grater.
%%
MUM: Multi-Use Mnemonics
%%
Mummy: An Egyptian who was pressed for time :-)
%%
Mummy dust to make me old;
 To shroud my clothes, the black of night;
 To age my voice, an old hag's cackle;
 To whiten my hair, a scream of fright;
 A blast of wind to fan my hate;
 A thunderbolt to mix it well --
 Now begin thy magic spell!
 -- The Evil Queen, Snow White, Elias Disney: 1937
%%
Mummy: "Heavens to burgitroid, what is that detestable little yard
    ape doing in my movie. He's ruining it."
Simon: "You should see what he does to my bedroom."
 -- "Scariest Home Videos", Eerie Indiana
%%
MUMMY, n.  An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern
civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with
an excellent pigment.  He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the
vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower
animals.

    By means of the Mummy, mankind, it is said,
    Attests to the gods its respect for the dead.
    We plunder his tomb, be he sinner or saint,
    Distil him for physic and grind him for paint,
    Exhibit for money his poor, shrunken frame,
    And with levity flock to the scene of the shame.
    O, tell me, ye gods, for the use of my rhyme:
    For respecting the dead what's the limit of time?
                                                          Scopas Brune
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mummy:    "What did you say this projector in a bottle is called?"
Marshall: "Television."
Mummy:       "Truly dreadful invention. I do hope it never catches on."
 -- "Scarest Home Videos", Eerie Indiana
%%
:mu: /moo/ The correct answer to the classic trick question
   "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?".  Assuming that you
   have no wife or you have never beaten your wife, the answer "yes"
   is wrong because it implies that you used to beat your wife and
   then stopped, but "no" is worse because it suggests that you have
   one and are still beating her.  According to various Discordians
   and Douglas Hofstadter the correct answer is usually "mu", a
   Japanese word alleged to mean "Your question cannot be answered
   because it depends on incorrect assumptions".  Hackers tend to be
   sensitive to logical inadequacies in language, and many have
   adopted this suggestion with enthusiasm.  The word `mu' is
   actually from Chinese, meaning `nothing'; it is used in
   mainstream Japanese in that sense, but native speakers do not
   recognize the Discordian question-denying use.  It almost certainly
   derives from overgeneralization of the answer in the following
   well-known Rinzei Zen teaching riddle:

     A monk asked Joshu, "Does a dog have the Buddha nature?"
     Joshu retorted, "Mu!"

   See also {has the X nature}, {AI Koans}, and Douglas
   Hofstadter's "G"odel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid"
   (pointer in the Bibliography in {Appendix C}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MUMPS! The 3 1/2 generation language! Everything is a
string! All data is accessed locally! Use code as data as
code as data...
%%
Mum's the word.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Mum went looting in LA & All I got was this dumb shirt!
%%
:munching: n. Exploration of security holes of someone else's
   computer for thrills, notoriety, or to annoy the system manager.
   Compare {cracker}.  See also {hacked off}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:munching squares: n. A {display hack} dating back to the PDP-1
   (ca. 1962, reportedly discovered by Jackson Wright), which employs
   a trivial computation (repeatedly plotting the graph Y = X XOR T
   for successive values of T --- see {HAKMEM} items 146--148) to
   produce an impressive display of moving and growing squares that
   devour the screen.  The initial value of T is treated as a
   parameter, which, when well-chosen, can produce amazing effects.
   Some of these, later (re)discovered on the LISP machine, have been
   christened `munching triangles' (try AND for XOR and toggling
   points instead of plotting them), `munching w's', and `munching
   mazes'.  More generally, suppose a graphics program produces an
   impressive and ever-changing display of some basic form, foo, on a
   display terminal, and does it using a relatively simple program;
   then the program (or the resulting display) is likely to be
   referred to as `munching foos'.  [This is a good example of the
   use of the word {foo} as a {metasyntactic variable}.]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:munchkin: /muhnch'kin/ [from the squeaky-voiced little people in
   L. Frank Baum's "The Wizard of Oz"] n. A teenage-or-younger micro
   enthusiast hacking BASIC or something else equally constricted.  A
   term of mild derision --- munchkins are annoying but some grow up
   to be hackers after passing through a {larval stage}.  The term
   {urchin} is also used.  See also {wannabee}, {bitty box}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:munch: [often confused with {mung}, q.v.] vt. To transform
   information in a serial fashion, often requiring large amounts of
   computation.  To trace down a data structure.  Related to {crunch}
   and nearly synonymous with {grovel}, but connotes less pain.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:mundane: [from SF fandom] n. 1. A person who is not in science
   fiction fandom.  2. A person who is not in the computer industry.
   In this sense, most often an adjectival modifier as in "in my
   mundane life...."  See also {Real World}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Munden's Bar serves Old Mink.
%%
:munge: /muhnj/ vt. 1. [derogatory] To imperfectly transform
   information.  2. A comprehensive rewrite of a routine, data
   structure or the whole program.

   This term is often confused with {mung} and may derive from it,
   or possibly vice-versa.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:mung: /muhng/ [in 1960 at MIT, `Mash Until No Good'; sometime
   after that the derivation from the {{recursive acronym}} `Mung
   Until No Good' became standard] vt. 1. To make changes to a file,
   esp. large-scale and irrevocable changes.  See {BLT}.  2. To
   destroy, usually accidentally, occasionally maliciously.  The
   system only mungs things maliciously; this is a consequence of
   {Finagle's Law}.  See {scribble}, {mangle}, {trash},
   {nuke}.  Reports from {USENET} suggest that the pronunciation
   /muhnj/ is now usual in speech, but the spelling `mung' is
   still common in program comments (compare the widespread confusion
   over the proper spelling of {kluge}).  3. The kind of beans of
   which the sprouts are used in Chinese food.  (That's their real
   name!  Mung beans!  Really!)

   Like many early hacker terms, this one seems to have originated at
   {TMRC}; it was already in use there in 1958.  Peter Samson
   (compiler of the original TMRC lexicon) thinks it may originally
   have been onomatopoeic for the sound of a relay spring (contact)
   being twanged.  However, it is known that during the World Wars,
   `mung' was army slang for the ersatz creamed chipped beef better
   known as `SOS'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Murder complaint? Mail to 'netnix!devil!gamble!freak!trap!lastwill!rip'.
%%
Murder is a crime.  Describing murder is not.  Sex is not a crime.
 Describing sex is.
 -- Gershon Legman
%%
Murder is always a mistake.... One should never do anything that one cannot
 talk about after dinner.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Murder is contrary to the laws of man and God.
 -- M-5 Computer, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4731.3.
%%
Murder is the leading cause of homicide.
%%
Murder may be done by legal means, by plausible and profitable war,
by calumny, as well as by dose or dagger.
 -- Lord Acton (1834-1902)
%%
Murder will out.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
Murmur at nothing: if our ills are reparable, it is ungrateful; if
remediless, it is in vain.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Murphy Brown can spell potato.
%%
Murphy Brown is doing better than I am.  At least she knows she still
has a job next year.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/18/92, (reported on KRXX News)
%%
"Murphy, I'm a mess!"
"That's OK.  They'll fix you. They fix everything."
 -- Robocop
%%
Murphy IS an optimist! Murphy LIVES !!!
%%
Murphy is out there ... watching ... waiting ...
%%
Murphy's best friend was a computer.
%%
Murphy's Law doesn't apply to mee!!!!
%%
Murphy's Law is always a good excuse.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Murphy's Law needs to be vetoed!!!
%%
Murphy's Law never fails except when you try to demonstrate it.
 -- Walter J. Crowell
%%
Murphy's Law never fails.
 -- Walter J. Crowell
%%
:Murphy's Law: prov. The correct, *original* Murphy's Law
   reads: "If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of
   those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."
%%
Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem...
 -- Thomas S. Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow
%%
Murphy was a grunt.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #62
%%
Murphy was an optimist.
 -- O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws
%%
Murphy wasn't an optimist.  He just got it wrong.
%%
Mur. We are men, my liege.
Mac. Ay, in the catalogue ye go for men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Mushy mushy mushy.
 -- Barney Miller
%%
Musical Hairsplitting:
 The act of classifying music and musicians into pathologically
picayune categories: "The Vienna Franks ara a good example of urban
white acid folk revivalism crossed with ska."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Musical innovation is full of danger to the State, for when modes
of music change, the laws of the State always change with them.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic"
%%
MUSIC
  A terribly, terribly subjective thing. [Don't see Megabogue]
  Classicists argue that the best music moves transparently into your
  brain, and makes you fall asleep without even realising it(*).
  Which is why any piece of music whose title even mentions the words
  "Symphony" or "Canon" sends people to sleep.
      (*) Generally they only realise it when they discover
  themselves walking down the street naked, or inexplicably jumping
  from a cliff into an alligator's mouth.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Music begins where words leave off. Music expresses the inexpressible. If
there is a Kingdom of Heaven, it lies in music.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Music . . . can name the unnameable and communicate the unknowable.
 -- Leonard Bernstein
%%
Music clouds the intellect but clarifies the heart.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Music endures and ages far better than books. Books, made of words, are
unavoidably attached to ideas, events, conflict, and history, but music has
the power to transcend time. At least for a time. Palestrina sounds as fresh
today as he did in 1555, but Dante, only three centuries older, already smells
of the archaic, the medieval, the catacombs.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Music hackers do it at 3 am.
%%
Music hackers do it audibly.
%%
Music hackers do it in concert.
%%
Music hackers do it in scores.
%%
Music hackers do it with more movements.
%%
Music hackers do it with their organs.
%%
Music hackers want to do it in realtime.
%%
Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, To soften rocks, or bend
a knotted oak. I've read that things inanimate have moved, And as with
living souls have been inform'd By magic numbers and persuasive sound.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- The Mourning Bride, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Musicians are just playin' folks.
%%
MUSICIANS do it rhythmically
%%
Musicians do it without taglines
%%
Musicians do it with rhythm.
%%
Musicians duet better!
%%
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
 -- Lao Tsu
%%
Music is a higher revelation than philosophy.
 -- Ludwig Van Bethoven (1770-1827)
 -- Letter to Bettina Von Arnim, 1810
%%
Music is a savage art, a measured madness.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Music is the answer.
%%
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
%%
Music is the voice of the soul...
   May it live forever in any shape or form...
      For if it silences, the soul shall never speak again...
 -- Dr X.
%%
       Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence
 --          --- Robert Fripp
%%
Music is your own experience--your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live
 it, it won't come out of your horn.
 -- Charlie Parker
%%
Musick is almost as dangerous as Gunpowder; and it may be requires
looking after no less than the Press or the Mint. 'Tis possible
a publick Regulation might not be amiss.
 -- Jeremy Collier (1650-1726)
%%
MUSIC MAJORS do it in a chord
%%
:music:: n. A common extracurricular interest of hackers (compare
   {{science-fiction fandom}}, {{oriental food}}; see also
   {filk}).  Hackish folklore has long claimed that musical and
   programming abilities are closely related, and there has been at
   least one large-scale statistical study that supports this.
   Hackers, as a rule, like music and often develop musical
   appreciation in unusual and interesting directions.  Folk music is
   very big in hacker circles; so is electronic music, and the sort of
   elaborate instrumental jazz/rock that used to be called
   `progressive' and isn't recorded much any more.  The hacker's
   musical range tends to be wide; many can listen with equal
   appreciation to (say) Talking Heads, Yes, Gentle Giant, Pat Metheny,
   Scott Joplin, Tangerine Dream, King Sunny Ade, The Pretenders, or
   the Brandenburg Concerti.  It is also apparently true that
   hackerdom includes a much higher concentration of talented amateur
   musicians than one would expect from a similar-sized control group
   of {mundane} types.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Music of the Sea: Lawrence Whelk
%%
Music's golden tongue
Flatter'd to tears this aged man and poor.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- The Eve of St. Agnes, Stanza 3
%%
Music Students do it to a Beat
%%
Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
 MUSIC:  Write a piano concerto.  Orchestrate and perform it
 with flute and drum.  You will find a piano under your seat.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Muskellunge after her pearl like that?
%%
Mussourgsky does it at an exhibition.
%%
MUSTANG, n.  An indocile horse of the western plains.  In English
society, the American wife of an English nobleman.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mustard's no good without roast beef.
 -- Chico Marx (1891-1961)
%%
Must be getting close to town -- we're hitting more people.
%%
Must Go - I have to wax my Nephew's Armadillo
%%
Must go - my laxitive is beginning to work.
%%
Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long
it has become a science project.
 -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
%%
Must Go - Some Jehovahs witnesses need shouting at.
%%
Must go, the cat's stuck in the printer again.
%%
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
Must I thus leave thee, Paradise?--thus leave
Thee, native soil, these happy walks and shades?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 269
%%
Must stop! Re-listening to John Major's speech, again.
%%
Must the hunger become anger and the anger fury before anything will be done?
 -- John Steinbeck (1902-1968)
%%
Must then Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that
have no imagination?
 -- Bernard Shaw
%%
Must we force ourselves to forget the anguish and the wounds of the past
 so we can look to the future and move forward?    And by forgetting these
  wounds let them fester in our souls?
 -- Ba Jin
%%
Mutants for nuclear power! }%-)
%%
MUTANTS! Surrender now...Or be DESTROYED!
%%
Mutate now!    Avoid the rush!
%%
Mutation Caught At Ol' Fishin' Hole
* Is Power Plant Responsible?
Boy Was Using Five Pound Test And Ordinary Worms
Sister Was Just There For The Tranquility
%%
Mute? Call 1-800-TALKING and give us your name.
%%
Muted and magnificent, without a peer
%%
:mutter: vt. To quietly enter a command not meant for the ears, eyes,
   or fingers of ordinary mortals.  Often used in `mutter an
   {incantation}'.  See also {wizard}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
MVS may be slow... but you sure need to know a lot to use it.
%%
MWAG: Make Wild-Assed Guess
%%
MWC: Move and Wrap Core
%%
M: "Why don't I take you home and give you a thrill?"
F: "You can't do both."
%%
MW      Malfunction Whatever
%%
MW: Malfunction Whenever
%%
MW: Multiply Work
%%
MWT: Malfunction Without Telling
%%
MX missiles--they changed their name. They call them the Peace Keepers. A
 multiple-warhead hydrogen bomb called the Peace Keeper. What do they call a
 sledgehammer? The Finger Massage? Is napalm now Dry Skin Remover? Let's be
 consistent. It's not mustard gas--it's a really strong antihistamine!
 -- Will Durst
%%
My 486 does an infinite loop in 4.86 seconds.
%%
My 486 is delayed due to MINOR brain surgery.
%%
My 4 food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar & fat.
%%
My admiration for you can be taken for granite.
%%
My advice to actresses is don't worry about your looks. The very thing that
 makes you unhappy in your appearance may be the one thing to make you a
 star.
 -- Estelle Winwood
%%
My advice to any diplomat who wants to have a good press is to have two or
 three kids and a dog.
 -- Carl Rowan
%%
My advice to any young man at the beginning of his career is to try to
look for the mere outlines of big things with his fresh, untrained,
and unprejudiced mind.
 -- H. Selye
%%
My advice to any young writer is: become an editor. You'll do less work,
 have less pressure, have more influence, make more money, and best of all:
 you get to tell others what to do instead of having to do all that rotten
 research and writing yourself.
 -- Bob Chieger
%%
My advice to girls: first, don't smoke--to excess; second, don't drink--to
 excess; third, don't marry to excess.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
My advice to the women's clubs of America is to raise more hell and fewer
 dahlias.
 -- James McNeill Whistler
%%
My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither,
 but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on you plate.
 -- Thorton Wilder (1897-1975)
%%
My advice to you is that you start drinking heavily.
 -- Bluto in ANIMAL HOUSE
%%
My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on
it.
 -- Grendel, by John Gardner
%%
My advice to young people who wish to earn their living by writing is:
DO.
 -- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
My aim is the re-establishment of the worship of men.
 -- Gabriel D'Annunzio
%%
My allergy tests suggest that I may have been intended for some other
 planet.
 -- Walt Wetterberg
%%
My Altzheimers is acting up again.
%%
My ambition is to marry a rich woman who's too proud to let her husband work.
%%
My analysis . . . led me to formulate The Peter Principle: In a
Hierarchy Every Employee Tends to Rise to His Level of Incompetence.
 -- Peter, Laurence J. (1919-1990) and Hull, Raymond (1919-)
 -- The Peter Principle (1969) ch. 1
%%
My apartment allows pets - I have a pony.
%%
My appetite comes to me while eating.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
My, aren't you the Klingon calling the Cardassian bumpy?
%%
My arm! said Captain Hook offhandedly.
%%
My art belongs to Dada
%%
My ASCII has been de-limited.
%%
My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe
and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image, to be
servants of their human interests.
 -- George Santayana
%%
My ATM just asked me if I wanted to go double or nothing!
%%
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday.  She says if I'm good, she'll
 give me the other one next year.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My Aunt Ida at age eighty-three: "Yeah," she said, "I'll be dead pretty soon.
And frankly, I don't give a damn."
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My aunt's had a terrible time. First off, she got tonsillitis, followed by
 appendicitis and pneumonia. After that she got rheumatism, and to top it
 off they gave her hypodermics and inoculations. I thought she never would
 get through that there spellin' bee.
 -- Judy Canova
%%
My aunt's lost it.  Says she has what's-his-name's disease
%%
My aura can beat up your aura.
%%
My AUTOEXEC.BAT is a vampire.
%%
My Baby is a Big Fat Tractor.
%%
My baby is not spoiled, his diaper just need changing.
%%
My baby loves me just the way that I am.
%%
My baby's got something I can't resist.
%%
My baby she don't know me when I think about those years.
%%
My baby took the elevator and gave me the shaft!
%%
My baby understood that you do what you should lying in a pile of wood.
%%
My back is computerized - it has a floppy disc.
%%
My bad habit? Marrying ugly women and buying them houses.
%%
My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I
threw my amplifier out the dormitory window.  We did not act in haste.
First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the
frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to measure, then we picked up
the amplifier and backed up to my bedroom door.  Then we rushed
forward, shouting The WHO!   The WHO! and we launched my amplifier
perfectly, as though we had been doing it all our lives, clean through
the window and down onto the sidewalk, where a small but appreciative
crowd had gathered.   I would like to be able to say that this was a
symbolic act, an effort on my part to break cleanly away from one state
in my life and move on to another, but the truth is, Cooper and I
really just wanted to find out what it would sound like.  It sounded
OK.
 -- Dave Barry, The Snake
%%
My banks they are furnish'd with bees,
Whose murmur invites one to sleep.
 -- William Shenstone (1714-1763)
 -- A Pastoral, Part ii
%%
My bathroom has a digital sink. When I want to stop the water running, I
 put my finger in the faucet.
 -- Ron Smith
%%
My BBS is baroque now. Please call Bach later with your Handel.
%%
My beaver won't go near the water.
%%
My best advices:

 1. "Be sure you're right, then go ahead." (from Davy Crockett on my eighth
 birthday)

 2. "Rome wasn't built in a day." (from Burton Zucker upon leaving Milwaukee
 for L.A.)

 3. "Buy a tuxedo." (from Howard W. Koch after the premiere of Airplane!)
 -- David Zucker
%%
My best friend at home was a fellow named Sappo. He's my best friend in the
 world but he's ugly. When he was born the doctor slapped his mother. She
 used to have morning sickness after he was born. When he was a little baby
 his folks used to carry him everywhere they went so they wouldn't have to
 kiss him goodbye.
 -- George "Goober" Lindsey
%%
My best view from a Window was through OS/2.
%%
My bike and my Sparc... Aaahhhhhhh.
%%
My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off..  It has noiseless
 DOZE FUNCTION and full kitchen!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My biology I know.  You I worry about.
%%
My biorhythms must be at an all-time low.
 -- Doctor (Tom Baker), THE PIRATE PLANET
%%
My Biscuits are Burnin'!
 -- Yosemite Sam
%%
My bit bucket runneth over...
%%
My BlueWave has turned Golden.
%%
My boat is on the shore,
  And my bark is on the sea;
But before I go, Tom Moore,
  Here 's a double health to thee!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- To Thomas Moore
%%
My body is a temple, and my mouth is a concession stand.
%%
My body, my choice--legalize drugs
%%
My body's a temple zoned for toxic waste.
%%
My Body's here, but my Mind's on vacation.
%%
My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R.
%%
My Bonnie looked into a gas tank
The height of its contents to see
She lighted a match to assist her
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me.
%%
My books always make the best-seller lists in Wolf Hole, Arizona, and
Hanksville, Utah.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My books are not taken seriously. But that's all right; they are given
playfully.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody
drinks water.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
My bosom's lord sits lightly in his throne.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
My boss at Christmas was a lot of fun: "I want you to look in your pay
 envelopes and you'll know that I keep the Christmas spirit around here.
 Because in each and every pay envelope you'll find ... snow."
 -- Dave Ketchum
%%
My Boss is a Jewish carpenter!
%%
My boss is temperamental: 50% temper, 50% mental.
%%
My boss made it the hard way. He was nice to his father.
%%
My boss:  "You're cruel."
My reply: "I'm mean.  Cruelty is meanness to those who don't deserve it."
%%
My boyfriend has CRAFT disease - Can't Remember A F*cking Thing!
%%
My boyfriend wanted to see the world, so I bought him an atlas.
%%
My boyfriend wonders if I'll ever get off the computer.
%%
My boy's gonna play in the big leagues. My boy's gonna knock 'em dead.
%%
My brain ain't working.
%%
My brain hurts!
%%
My brain hurts...not my head...just my brain!
%%
My brain is my second favorite organ.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
My brain is paged out to my liver
%%
My brain is the most important thing about me, but look
what told me that
%%
My brain is very important to me. That's why I'm super careful about
 what I put into the little laboratory on my neck.
 -- Marshall, Zombies in PJs, Eerie Indiana
%%
My brain's a handgrenade
 -- Catch, ICE-T
%%
My brain will be 5 minutes dead before I trust a Centauri
%%
My brother had a hamster. He took it to the vet--it's like bringing a
 disposable lighter in for repair.
 -- Wayne Cotter
%%
My brother-in-law has found a way to make ends meet.  He goes around
with his head stuck up his ass.
%%
My brother is an only child.
 -- Bennett Cerf
%%
My brother just got out of the Marines. They made a man out of him ... paid
 for the operation and everything.
 -- Stu Trivax
%%
My brothers and sisters all hated me, 'cause I was an only child.
 -- "Weird" Al Yankovic
%%
My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big satellite photo of
the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here".
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My business in this state
Made me a looker on here in Vienna.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
My cake is dough.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
My calculator is my shepherd, I shall not want
It maketh me accurate to ten significant figures,
     and it leadeth me in scientific notation to 99 digits.
It restoreth my square roots and guideth me along paths of floating
   decimal points for the sake of precision.
Yea, tho I walk through the valley of surprise quizzes,
    I will fear no prof, for my calculator is there to hearten me.
It prepareth a log table to comfort me, it prepareth an
       arc sin for me in the presence of my teachers.
It anoints my homework with correct solutions, my interpolations are over.
Surely, both precision and accuracy shall follow me all the days of my life,
      and I shall dwell in the house of Texas instruments forever.
%%
My candle burns at both ends;
 It will not last the night;
 But, ah, my foes, and oh, my friends --
 It gives a lovely light.
 -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
%%
My Career As A Clown: Abe Ozo
%%
My car isn't broken down, it's mechanically challenged!
%%
My car says that I am poor.
%%
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
My cat ate my mouse, and now I'm stuck with arrow keys.
%%
My cat can lick your cat!
%%
My cat committed suicide.  He shot himself in the head nine times.
%%
My cat dislikes the term "pet."  She prefers "friend and confidant."
%%
My cat got my tounge and she won't give it back!
%%
My cat had puppies, so I spayed the cricket.
%%
My cat had the flu but he survived...
 -- Dr. Andrew P. Paplinski, Signals and Systems lecture
%%
My cat is good for nothing, and he's very good at it!
%%
My cat just learned to flush the toilet. . .Seen my smart cat lately?
%%
My cat likes to help with housework:She licks the dishes before I wash
%%
My cat likes to play Hide-And-Go-Poop.
%%
My cat needs to be petted a million hours per day!
%%
My cat only likes me when I run the electric can opener.
%%
My cat's eyes look kinda glassy. I think he ate it.
%%
My cat's name is Winky, The One Eyed Wonder Kitty.
%%
My cat's on steroids and is now no pussy.
%%
My cat wasn't broke, but I had him fixed anyway.
%%
My center is giving way, my right in retreat; situation excellent.  I shall
attack!
%%
My child is a horror student at Miskatonic University
%%
My code is frozen and it can't get up!
%%
My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE
 in upstate New York!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My colleagues and I feel that independents like ElfQuest are nothing but sheep
in wolves' clothing.
 -- S. Lee
%%
My comments reflect my own opinions, not my clients'.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My commitment is to truth, not consistency
%%
My comm port + Your comm port = wakawaka
%%
My computer can beat up your computer.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
My computer has a nut loose on the keyboard.
%%
My computer has a terminal illness
%%
My computer has cables... So why can't I get HBO?
%%
My computer has EMS... Wont you help?
%%
My computer is a 386. My sweetheart is 38-26-36.
%%
My computer is like Rice Krispies. It goes SNAP--CRACKLE--POP!
%%
My computer isn't that nervous, it's just a bit ANSI.
%%
My computer just won't stop talking.
%%
My computer never locks u
%%
My computer puts out.
%%
My computer's getting jealous... of the time I spend with my boyfriend.
%%
My computer's getting jealous... of the time I spend with my wife.
%%
My computer's getting jealous... of time I spend with my girlfriend.
%%
My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.
%%
My computer tells me that in twenty-five years there will be no more
computers.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My computer uses 12AX7's.  It's slow, but sounds great.
%%
My Concerto for Cuisinart and Microwave.
%%
My congratulations to the committee that planned this day.
%%
My conscience hath a thousand several tongues,
And every tongue brings in a several tale,
And every tale condemns me for a villain.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
My couch potato routine is honed to perfection.
%%
My counsin is a statistician and he regularly draws wild postulations from
 which he deduces unwarrented assumptions which lead to his foregone
 conclusions. It is his job to support all of this with numerical facts
 which substantiate these bizarre prejudices. He is what many folks today
 call a professional person. Knows more and more about less and less until
 he arrives to that distinguishing point at which time he knows nothing
 about anything. Fine profession, statistician.
%%
"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of
saying except in a desperate case.  It is like saying, "My mother, drunk
or sober."
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
My country, 't is of thee,
Sweet land of liberty,
  Of thee I sing:
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims' pride,
From every mountain-side
  Let freedom ring.
 -- Samuel Francis Smith (1808-1895)
 -- National Hymn
%%
My cousin Elroy spent seven years as an IBM taper staring at THINK signs on
the walls before he finally got a good idea: He quit.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My cow aborted, now she is decalfinated.
%%
My crazy friend composes music in bed.  He calls it sheet music.
%%
My crazy friend couldn't carry a tune if it had a handle.
%%
My crazy friend has a large vocabulary...he got married.
%%
My credit is so bad they won't even take my cash!
%%
My cup runneth over.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxiii, 5
%%
My curiosity is my creativity on the way to discovery.
 -- "Why" on Quartz
%%
My current power amp produces no power or current.
%%
My dad and I are siamese twins.
%%
My daddy said, "Son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin'
 if you don't stop drivin' that hot-rod Lincoln."
%%
My daddy was a waitress, my momma sold bathroom tile...
My brothers and sisters all hated me, 'cause I was an only child.
I got the bluuuuuuees, so badddd....
 -- Weird Al, "Generic Blues"
%%
My dad hit me only once - with the Buick.
%%
My dad must have been a phone phreak.
%%
My dad once gave me a few words of wisdom which I've always tried to live
 by. He said, "Son, never throw a punch at a redwood."
 -- Tom Selleck (in Magnum, P.I.)
%%
My dad's a writer. His favorite expression is: "The pen is mightier than
 the sword," which I believed for a long time. Until I moved into the city.
 And I got into a fight with this guy. He cut me up real bad, and I drew a
 mustache on his face. And then I wrote him a nasty letter.
 -- Kevin Brennan
%%
My dad's pants kept creeping up on him. By 65 he was just a pair of pants
 and a head.
 -- Jeff Altman
%%
My dad told me, "Anything worth having is worth waiting for."
 I waited until I was fifteen.
%%
My dad was the town drunk.  A lot of times that's not so bad -
 but New York City?
%%
My darkness has been filled with the light of intelligence, and behold,
the outer day-lit world was stumbling and groping in social blindness.
 -- Helen Keller
%%
My Data is Delightful.  (When Present)
%%
My days are in the yellow leaf;
  The flowers and fruits of love are gone;
The worm, the canker, and the grief
  Are mine alone!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- On my Thirty-sixth Year
%%
My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job vii, 6
%%
My dear boy, the people who love only once in their lives are really the
shallow people.  What they call their loyalty and their fidelity, I call
their lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination.  Faithfulness is
to the emotional life what constancy is to the intellect - simply a
confession of failure.  Faithfulness!  I must analyze it some day.  The
passion for property is in it.  There are many things that we would
throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
My dear Miss Shaw, I never report myself anywhere, particularly not
forthwith.
 -- Third Doctor, DOCTOR WHO AND THE SILURIANS
%%
My dear, my better half.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Arcadia, Book iii
%%
My deeply held belief is that if a God of anything like the traditional
sort exists, our curiosity and intelligence is provided by such a God.
We would be unappreciative of that gift ... if we suppressed our
passion to explore the universe and ourselves.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
My definition of a redundancy is an air-bag in a politician's car.
 -- Larry Hagman
%%
My dental hygienist is cute.  Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo
 cookies while waiting in the lobby.  Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of
 the afternoon's appointments.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My desire is ... that mine adversary had written a book.
 -- Job xxxi, 35
%%
MY DNA and genetic structure is copyright 1957-1997 David J. Binette
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED unauthorised use, duplication, storage or retransmission
is strictly prohibited.
%%
My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good pulse to me.
%%
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think
 he was right. I feel ten years older already.
 -- Milton Berlele
%%
My doctor says my blood type is C double-positive.
%%
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless
 there are three other people.
 -- Orson Welles
%%
My dog ate my .sig
%%
My dog is seven years old and is already retired!!
%%
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a
 can.  That's almost $7.00 in dog money.
 -- Joe Weinstein
%%
My dog thinks he's human, but my cat thinks she's a Goddess.
%%
My dog thinks he's human, my cat thinks he's GOD.
%%
My, don't we all look _smashing_ in red.
%%
My dream is a code waiting to be broken.
%%
    My early and invincible love of reading, which I would not
exchange for the treasures of India. . .
 -- Edward Gibbon
%%
My EARS are GONE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My echomail processor has a stomach of steel.
%%
My economic philosophy is middle of the road.
I spend money left and right.
%%
My EGO is better than your EGO!
%%
My elemental abbreviations LAUGH behind your back:  Hahnium-Hahnium
%%
My employers are my own, and are not necessarily shared by my opinions.
%%
,-----------------------------------------------------.
|  My employers paid for some of my time and energy.  |
|        My opinions were never been for sale.        |
`-----------------------------------------------------'
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My employers probably disagree with the above views. But that's nothing new.
%%
My employers reserve the right to disagree with me.
I reserve the right to disagree with them.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My employers seldom even LISTEN to my opinions.
META-DISCLAIMER:
Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers. [Erik Pepke]
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My epitaph: Sysop not buried here. Leave feedback instead?
 -- Quarex '94
%%
"My ethicator machine must've had a built-in moral compromise spectral
release phantasmatron! I'm a genius!"
"Another casualty of applied metaphysics."
 -- Calvin and Hobbes, "Calvin and Hobbes"
%%
My evening visitors, if they cannot see the clock, should find the
time in my face.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
My ex-boyfriend's a cat lover. I sent him a Kzin for his birthday.
%%
My ex-girlfriend was fat. How fat is she? She sweats gravy.
 -- Ben Creed
%%
My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully
co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
My ex-wife gives good headache.
%%
My ex-wife's a cat lover.  I sent her a kzin for her birthday.
%%
My ex-wife's car is a broomstick
%%
My ex wife's other car is a BROOM.
%%
My eyeball fell out. Help me look for it.
 -- Calvin
%%
My eye!  My eye!  Somebody, help me!  OOOoooOOOOoooOOOooohhhhhhh!!
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
My eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected.
 -- Anna M. Uhlich
%%
My eyes feel like pinballs, my tongue feels like a fish.
%%
My eyes! what tiles and chimney-pots
  About their heads are flying!
 -- William Pitt (-1840)
 -- The Sailor's Consolation
%%
My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My fair one, let us swear an eternal friendship.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies.
%%
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.
 -- Iphicrates (c. 419-318 BC)
%%
My family's Coat-of-Arms ties in the back - is that normal?
%%
My family tree is in the forest, somewhere!
%%
My family tree was chopped down and they made the lumber into toilet paper.
 We've never been closer.
 -- Barry Steiger
%%
My fate cries out,
And makes each petty artery in this body
As hardy as the Nemean lion's nerve.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
My father, a good man, told me
"Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."
 -- Erich Maria Remarque
%%
My father built a quicksand box in our back yard.   I was an only child,
eventually.
 -- comedian Steven Wright
%%
My father died at Khitomer, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
 -- RWR
%%
My father gave me these hints on speechmaking: Be sincere ... be brief ...
 be seated.
 -- James Roosevelt
%%
My father got my mother a telephone in the limousine. Big deal, every time
 it rings he has to run down to the garage and answer it.
 -- London Lee
%%
My father had a blast visiting Babylon Three.
%%
My father had silicone shots in his head to enlarge his brain. It worked.
 Now he has to wear a bra to keep his eyes in.
 -- Jack Graiman
%%
My father had the spirit and integrity of a scientist, but he was a salesman.
I remember asking him the question "How can a man of integrity be a salesman?"

He said to me, "Frankly, many salesmen in the business are not
straightforward -- they think it's a better way to sell.  But I've tried being
straightforward, and I find it has its advantages.  In fact, I wouldn't do it
any other way.  If the customer thinks at all, he'll realize he has had some
bad experience with another salesman, but hasn't had that kind of experience
with you.  So in the end, several customers will stay with you for a long time
and appreciate it."
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988),
 -- "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be
invented so he could hate that too.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
My father invented the burglar alarm--which unfortunately was stolen from
 him.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
My father is credit manager at a funeral home.  His bosses have a card that
they hand out.  It says Thank You for Smoking
 -- Your local undertaker.
%%
My father?   My father left when I was quite young.  Well actually, he
 was asked to leave.  He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
 -- George Carlin
%%
My father originated the limbo dance--trying to get into a pay toilet.
 -- Slappy White
%%
My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to
 a pimp!
 -- Bill Maher
%%
My father said, "Mike, if you masturbate you'll go blind." I said,
 "Dad--I'm over here."
 -- Mike Binder
%%
My father's brother, but no more like my father
Than I to Hercules.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
My father's great dread was going senile, said one aristocrat,
 apologizing for his father, who was happily exposing himself in the
 orangery. But now he has, he's enjoying himself enormously.
 -- Jilly Cooper
%%
My father taught me three things:
1: Never mix whiskey with anything but water.
2: Never try to draw to an inside straight.
3: Never discuss business with anyone who refuses to give his name.
%%
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
My father told me when I was writing Russian Blood, three things to bear in
 mind:

 1. Is it true?

 2. Is it kind?

 3. Is it necessary?
 -- Alex Shoumatoff
%%
My _father_ used to laugh at...who were those people with the funny
  faces and the bells?
Ah...jesters, madam.
No...lepers.
 -- Queenie and Melchett : Bells
%%
My father used to tell me, "When Abraham Lincoln was your age, Abraham
 Lincoln had a job. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked twelve
 miles to get to school." I said, "Dad, when Abraham Lincoln was your age,
 he was President, okay?"
 -- Andy Andrews
%%
My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my
family, it seems, begins where yours left off.
 -- Alexandre Dumas, pere
%%
My father was a God-fearing man,
but he never missed a copy of the New York Times, either.
 -- E. B. White
%%
My father was having a lot of security problems in his lingerie store
 because women were stealing underwear in the dressing rooms. He installed
 cameras in there. He's still getting ripped off but he makes it all back on
 the video sales.
 -- Danny Koch
%%
My fave hockey teams are: The Habs and whoever's playing the Bruins.
%%
My fave hockey teams are: The Habs and whoever's playing the Rangers.
%%
My favorite animal? Steak!
%%
My favorite brand of beer? Whatever SHE'S buying!
%%
My favorite brand of beer? Whatever you're buying!
%%
My favorite color?  Red.  No, BluAAAAAHHH!
%%
My favorite food is squirrel, but I want to fight with glory.
%%
My favorite football team is whoever plays the Dolphins this week.
%%
My favorite formula:  Happiness = U.S.A. - Bill Clinton as president
%%
My favorite hockey teams are: The Habs and whoever loses to them.
%%
My favorite is about a man who tried to hijack a plane.  It was a
charter flight, sitting on the ground.  The guy runs across the
tarmac, forces his way into the plane, pulls a gun on the stewardess,
who starts to laugh. Turns out this is a flight of FBI agents going to
a convention, andthere are now a plane full of guns aimed at him.
%%
My favorite language is 2 tape Autocoder
%%
My favorite little anecdote, which I saw written on the toilet stall wall in
 the Engineering Building on the campus of Memorial University of
 Newfoundland located in St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada, is as follows:

 I F**** YOUR MOTHER!

 to which someone else wrote:

 GO HOME DAD - YOU'RE DRUNK!
%%
My favorite moment has to be Holly's bit in Me^2; the story about the
two supra-light fighters from the Norweb alliance, and how Lister owes
three billion pounds... April Fool... classic!
%%
My favorite mythical creature?  The honest politician.
%%
My favorite part of dinner.
 -- Riker
%%
My favorite piece of technical writing: Assembly of Japanese bicycle
require great peace of mind.
 -- Robert Pirsig
%%
My favorite weapon is the look in your eyes
%%
My favorite wedding toast from a best man included:
 ... and may your children have rich parents.
%%
My fell of hair
Would at a dismal treatise rouse and stir
As life were in 't: I have supp'd full with horrors.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation
 which outlaws Russia forever.  The bombing begins in five minutes.
 -- Ronald Reagan, Said during a radio microphone test, 11 August 1984
%%
My fire was in all its glory about midnight, and, having made a bark shed
to shelter me from the rain and partially dry my clothing, I had nothing to
do but look and listen and join the trees in their hymns and prayers.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
My first American ancestor, gentlemen, was an Indian-an early
Indian.  Your ancestors skinned him alive, and I am an orphan.  All
those Salem witches were ancestors of mine.  Your people made it
tropical for them.... The first slave brought into New England out of
Africa was an ancestor of mine-for I am a mixed breed, an infinitely
shaded and exquisite Mongrel.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
My first Ez-reader reply!
%%
My first psychiatrist said I was paranoid, but I want a second opinion
 because I think he's out to get me.
 -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")
%%
My first wife divorced me on grounds of incompatibility. And besides, I
 think she hated me.
 -- Oscar Levant
%%
My floppy got excited. Now it's a hard disk.
%%
My folks didn't come over on the Mayflower,
but they were there to meet the boat.
%%
My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
%%
My foot's alseep. I wonder what it's dreaming about?...
%%
My friend and his wife stayed in a hotel and got a bill for ninety dollars.
 He screamed, "For what, ninety dollars?" The desk clerk said, "For room and
 board, sir."

 My friend said, "Room and board? We didn't eat here." The clerk said, "It
 was there for you. If you didn't get it it's your fault." My friend said,
 "You take forty dollars--I'm charging you fifty dollars for fooling around
 with my wife!"

 The clerk said, "I never touched your wife." My friend said, "It was there
 for you."
 -- Norm Crosby
%%
My friend complained to the city about the scales they put out on the side
 walks. He doesn't mind that the thing takes a dime and says he only weighs
 thirty pounds, but he would appreciate it greatly if they would fix those
 things so he could get his fortune card and be on his way.
%%
My friend Data, you see things with the wonder of a child. And that
  makes you more human than any of us.
 -- Yar, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
My friend Goo has a real time too; she always knows just what to do.
%%
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask
 him what he meant.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My friend Jones will vouch for me. How do we know that he can be
 trusted? Oh, I assure you he can.
%%
My friend Lance would call me up. He goes, "Bob ... the first guy that gets
 your daughter--wouldn't that freak you out?" "No, Lance, that would not
 freak me out, Lance." "First guy who gets your daughter wouldn't bother you
 at all?" I said, "No, I hope my daughter experiences everything that there
 is in life." "First guy wouldn't bother you?" I said no. He said, "What
 would?" I said, "Number 200."
 -- Bob Goldthwait
%%
My friend Larry's in jail now. He got twenty-five years for something he
 didn't do. He didn't run fast enough.
 -- Damon Wayans
%%
My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors.
 The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. She also plays strip
 poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My friend Sappo was real depressed. He said, "I can't get any girls." I
 said, "Don't worry, listen, tomorrow we're going swimming. What you do is
 you put a big potato in your bathing suit. That way you'll attract girls."
 Come the end of the day he came up to me and said, "No girls came up to
 talk to me. I did what you said, I put the potato in my bathing suit." I
 said, "Sappo, next time put it in the front!"
 -- George "Goober" Lindsey
%%
My friends, it is better to look good than to feel good.
 -- Fernando (Billy Crystal) on SNL
%%
My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will
never, never surrender to what is right.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle speaking to the Christian
                   Coalition about the need for abstinence to avoid AIDS,
                   11/15/91 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
My friends were poor but honest.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
My friends...what are hot dogs? Chopped dog? No, they're chopped eyeballs,
 and what's better on eyeballs than A-1?
%%
My friend thought he was not gonna make it. Then he started thinking
 positive. Now he's positive he's not gonna make it.
 -- Brother Sammy Shore
%%
My friend tried to tell me that I had dyslexia, but I'm convinced he
has it all backwards.
%%
My friend, why have you drifted so far away?
All motion is relative,
maybe it is you who have moved away by standing still.
%%
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator.  He didn't get his birthmark until he was
 eight years old.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My fruit cake was damaged on one side.
%%
My future's so bright....I need a flashlight.
%%
My gawd, how the years fly. Stolidly middle-aged - when only yesterday
I was young and eager and awed by the mystery of an unfolding world.
 -- H. P. Lovecraft, 8/20/1926
%%
My girlfriend and I are expecting a little tagline.
%%
My girlfriend and I fell in love with another woman over the phone.
%%
My girlfriend and I went on a picnic.  I don't know how she did it,
but she got poison ivy on the brain.  When it itched, the only way
she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour.
 I said, "the whole time."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My girlfriend cut me off. Should I dump her?!*&$#(@^&NO MARYER
%%
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out.  When she's asleep, I go over
 there and write misspelled words on them.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My girlfriend gives good headache
%%
My girlfriend gives me more error messages than my computer.
%%
My girlfriend got a computer and modem -- now she's Shareware!
%%
My girlfriend got crabs so I bought her fishnet stockings.
%%
My girlfriend has a bald spot.
%%
My girlfriend has blue eyes, golden skin, and long, plaid hair.
%%
My girlfriend has CRAFT disease - Can't Remember A F*cking Thing!
%%
My girlfriend is Schizo. She's good people, but...
%%
My girlfriend said I never listen to her, or something.
%%
My girlfriend's father died of throat trouble. They hung him. He used to
 work in a bank. But no matter how much the boss likes you, if you work in a
 bank you can't bring home samples.
 -- Eddie Cantor
%%
My girlfriend's favorite erotic position is bending over my credit cards.
%%
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub
 her eyes.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
My girlfriend used the computer and managed to format the BIOS.
%%
My girlfriend wanted to see the world, so I bought her an atlas.
%%
My girlfriend was crushed by Bambi meets Godzilla...
%%
My girlfriend wonders if I'll ever get off the computer.
%%
My goal in life is to survive.  Everything else is just a bonus.
 -- The Lockhorns
%%
My goal is simple.   It is complete understanding of the universe, why it
 is as it is and why it exists at all.
 -- Stephen Hawking
%%
My God! A conference-related question!
%%
"My God!  Are we sure he was a liberal?"
  "Pretty sure. They pulled him from a Volvo."
 -- Doonesbury
%%
My god!  But I was only away two minutes!
 -- Kryten, on being told that the Nova 5 crew
            was dead in Red Dwarf 'Kryten'
%%
My god can beat up your god!
%%
My Goddess has no name -- Eris is just a frequent house guest.
%%
My God, I'm depressed!  Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand
 times as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and
 sending mail about softball games.  And I've got this pain right
 through my ALU.  I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever
 listens.  I think it would be better for us both if you were to just
 log out again.
%%
My God! It's full of stars!
%%
My God, it's full of stores
 -- 2001: A Shopping Odyssey
%%
My GOD Jim, its a BBS, not a doctor...
%%
My God, man. We've become a tourist attraction. <Londo<
%%
My God, my Father, and my Friend,
Do not forsake me at my end.
 -- Earl of Roscommon (1633-1684)
 -- Translation of Dies Irae
%%
MY GOD SOMEONE RAN OVER THE CAT!  Oh, didn't know you had a bagpipe.
%%
My God! They've gone to Plaid!
%%
My God, Thiokol, when do you want me to launch?   Next April?
 -- L. Mulloy
%%
My God!...This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the
  Hundred Years War...Baldrick, have you been eating dung again?...
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
My God!  This program has been written by a MENTAL CRIPPLE!
%%
My God!  You have freckles everywhere!
%%
My God, you're talking about a positive mental attitude and you haven't even
had your planet demolished today.  I woke up this morning and thought I'd have
a nice relaxed day, do a bit of reading, brush the dog...  It's not just after
four in the afternoon and I'm already being thrown out of an alien spaceship
six light-years from the smoking remains of the Earth!
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
My Go  this  amn keyboar  oesn't have any  's.
%%
My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.
 -- Louis Adamic
%%
My grandfather (Bill Marshall) had two brothers, and his father
also had two two brothers.  The following maxim sprang up somewhere
along the way:

One boy is worth half a man
Two boys are worth half a boy
Three boys are no help at all.
%%
My grandfather gave me a watch.  It doesn't have any hands or numbers.  He says
 it's very accurate.  I asked him what time it was.  You can guess what he told
 me.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who do
 the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first
 group; there was less competition there.
 -- Indira Gandhi
%%
My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One
 day he took me aside and left me there.
 -- Ron Richards
%%
My grandfather... saw where inherited wealth ruined people. And my
grandfather was right.
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle giving an analysis of his
                   own situation: he has a half-million dollars
                   worth of his family's newspaper stock holdings.
                   (ABC's "Prime Time Live," August 10, 1992)
%%
My grandfather told me that there are no free rides in this world. This is
 why I do not take federal grants of funding for Westside Preparatory
 School. He also told me to be all that I could be. I repeat these words to
 myself each day before beginning my day, "Be all that you can be ..."
 -- Marva Collins
%%
My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.
 -- Richard Lewis
%%
My gray hairs can beat your gray hairs.
%%
My great dream is that I've won all the beauty contests
in the world and all the people I don't like are forced to
build me a castle in France.
%%
My greatest fear in life is that no-one will remember me after I'm dead.
 -- Anonmous
%%
My greatest fear is that one of the candidates will win.
%%
My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself, is that
one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
My grief lies onward and my joy behind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet l
%%
MyGuru told me there'd be lifetimes like this
%%
My haircut is totally traditional!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My hair is my own. I paid for it. I own it.
 -- Carl Reiner
%%
My hard disk hisses like a rattle snake!
%%
My hard disk is 100 percent FAT free!
%%
My hard disk is full! Maybe I'll try this message section thing.
%%
My hard disk went on a diet. Lost all its FAT!
%%
My hard drive has a furball, my cat has bad sectors.
%%
My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to!
%%
My haystack had no needle!
%%
My head hurts.....where are those plaid pills?
%%
My head is bloodied, but unbowed.
 -- From the poem Invictus
%%
My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall!
%%
My heart is fixed.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lvii, 8
%%
My heart is heavy at the remembrance of all the miles that lie between
us; and I can scarcely believe that you are so distant from me.  We are
parted; and every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type
of heaven.
 -- Edwards
%%
My heart is like a singing bird
Whose nest is in a water'd shoot;
My heart is like an apple-tree
Whose boughs are bent with thick-set fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these,
Because my love is come to me.
 -- Christina Rossetti
%%
My heart
Is true as steel.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
My heart is wax moulded as she pleases, but enduring as marble to retain.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- The Little Gypsy (La Gitanilla)
%%
My heart 's in the Highlands, my heart is not here;
My heart 's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- My Heart 's in the Highlands
%%
My high school English teacher at the Bronx High School of Science, Dr.
 Isobel Gordon, used to deal with smart but lazy students who were trying to
 coast through her classes by telling us: "Don't smell the poem--read it!"
 In other words, don't slide by; dig in and reach for the best you've got.
 -- Jeff Greenfield
%%
My home address is A3C8:78BD
%%
My hometown was so small the local Howard Johnson had only one flavor.
 -- Vaughn Meader
%%
My hopes were dashed to smithereens.
%%
My horse got shot, so I had to break his leg...
%%
My hotel room is so small that when I die they won't have to put me in a
 casket. They'll just put handles on the room.
 -- Herb Shriner
%%
My house is made out of balsa wood.  When no one is home across the street,
except the little kids, I go out and lift my house up over my head.  I tell
them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My house is on the median strip of a highway.  You don't really notice, except
 I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
    My house is small, but you are learned men / And by your
arguments can make a place / Twenty foot broad as infinite as
space.
 -- Chaucer
 -- The Reeve's Tale
%%
My house was trashed by 'Not me'
%%
My Hovercraft is full of Eels.
%%
My hovercraft... You don't want to know.
%%
My, how you've changed since I've changed.
%%
My HST is faster than your HST!!!!
%%
My human experience is just beginning.
%%
- 'My husband commits an inconceivable act of perversion with a barnyard
   animal, and it's not central to my case?!'
- 'Not in California.'
 -- Arnie Becker discusses marital infidelities on L.A. LAW
%%
My husband forgot my birthday and my anniversary. I didn't feel bad. On the
 contrary. Give me a guilty husband any day. Some of my best outfits come
 from his guilt!
 -- Betty Walker
%%
My husband is the kind of boy who'll not go anywhere without his
father, and his father will go anywhere.
%%
My husband says I feed him like he's a god; every meal is a burnt offering.
 -- Rhonda Hansome
%%
My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor's office and
 make people sick.
 -- Moms Mabley
%%
My IBM mouse likes a MS.  She's no Genius.
%%
My idea of a happy vacation isn't spending most of it alone.
%%
'My idea of an agreeable person,' said Hugo Bohun, 'is a person who agrees
with me.'
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
My idea of education is to unsettle the minds of the young and inflame
their intellects.
 -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
%%
My idea of heaven is eating foie gras to the sound of trumpets.
 -- Sydney Smith
%%
My ideas are beyond the comprehension of ordinary
mortals.  The brilliance of my mind is dazzling.  Even I am
impressed by it.
%%
My ideas are mine NOT those of my employer
if they were I'd be their m1chine
I'm NOT a machine
I'm a free man.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish
fluid they force down helpless babies.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
MY income is ALL disposable!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My indignation, like th' imprisoned fire, pent in the troubled breast
of Aetna, burnt deep and silent.
 -- Thomson
%%
My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
%%
My inferiority complex is smaller than yours.
%%
My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I
 realized that I had no character.
 -- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself
                  the Charles Barkley of figure skating
%%
My inner child can beat up your inner child.
%%
My inner child is a sick little bitch!
%%
My interest is in the future because I'm going to spend the rest of my life
there.
 -- Charles Kettering
%%
My interest is in the future, the present is passed ...
%%
My interests: women, figure skating, wrestling, & women.
%%
My I.P.D. can pick up Radio Windy.
%%
My IRS check just bounced.
%%
My I.U.D. picks up Radio Windy.
%%
My job is so top secret ... I can't even tell myself what I'm doing. My
%%
My job is starting to interfere with reading the mail.
%%
My job is to push people into the future.
 -- Rear Admiral Grace Hopper, USN
%%
My keyboard doesn't HAVE an "ANY" key!  What do I press?
%%
My keyboard has an F1 key. Where is the NASCAR key?
%%
My keyboard keeps changing what I type.
%%
My Kid beat up your HONOR STUDENT!!! Nyaaahhhh!
%%
My kid said, "I want a dog." Well, I went to the kennel. The first dog I
 saw had legs four inches long in front, two feet long in back. I said,
 "That's a strange-looking dog." The salesman says, "That's true, but he's
 the fastest animal in the world going downhill." I got something more
 normal. A Chihuahua. They're good. If you lose one, just empty out your
 purse.
 -- Jean Carroll
%%
My kid sister was sent from heaven.  They like it quiet up there.
%%
My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions
or its officeholders.  The country is the real thing, the substantial
thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for,
and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere
clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be
comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
My kingdom for a beer; half my beer for a woman.
%%
My kingdom for a unique tagine!
%%
My last cat had nine lives.  Slept through eight of them.
%%
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
%%
My last original thought died of loneliness.
%%
My latest found,
Heaven's last, best gift, my ever new delight!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 18
%%
My latest screen saver:  Curtains for Windows!
%%
My lawyer can beat up your lawyer!
%%
My least favorite teams are: Whoever whips the Montreal Canadiens.
%%
My legs! Arghhh! My fucking legs!!!!!
 -- The second person to ever attempt Bungee jumping
%%
My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My library
Was dukedom large enough.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
My license plate says PMS. Nobody cuts me off.
 -- Wendy Liebman
%%
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
My life has been like a glacier, one slow grind.
 -- John Muir
%%
My Life in the Gutter: Yves Trough
%%
My life is a patio of fun!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
 My life is a simple thing that would interest no one. It is a known
    fact that I was born and that is all that is necessary.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
"My life is a sine wave. Now, if I could just get the damned amplitude down..."
 -- Stephen Dennison 
%%
My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
 -- MadameX
%%
My life is cluttered with facts.
%%
My life is in your hands!  What do you mean, OOOPS???
%%
My life is light, waiting for the death wind, Like a feather on the back
of my hand.
 -- T.S. Eliot
%%
My life is like a beer commercial.
%%
My life is not organized around high probability events.
%%
My life is one demd horrid grind.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Nicholas Nickleby, Chap. lxiv
%%
My life is still in BETA test.
%%
My life may seem strange, but at least it's not boring.
%%
         My life needs a rewind/erase button.
 -- _Calvin and Hobbes_
%%
My Life on Skid Row: Titus A. Drum
%%
My life will go on...
 without your daily phone calls
        without your smile
    without your corny jokes
      without rides in your car with no destination
 without dinners for two and
   mainly without you.
 -- "Goldengirl"
%%
My Life With Annette: Amos Kateer
%%
... my lips get tired just whistling.
%%
My lips pressed themselves involuntarily to hers- a long, long kiss, burning
intense-concentrating emotion, heart, soul, all the rays of life's light...
into a single focus.
 -- Bulwer
%%
My little daughter lieth at the point of death.
 -- New Testament
 -- Mark v, 23
%%
My little spirit, see,
Sits in a foggy cloud, and stays for me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
My living in Yorkshire was so far out of the way, that it was actually
twelve miles from a lemon.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 262
%%
My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime,
 cruelty, soft music.
 -- Vladimir Nabokov
%%
My logic escapes me at the moment
%%
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion.
 -- Sting
%%
My Lord, I have a cunning plan..
%%
My Lord, my Lord! What hast thou done, lately?
 -- Woody Allen
%%
My Lord St. Albans said that Nature did never put her precious jewels
into a garret four stories high, and therefore that exceeding tall
men had ever very empty heads.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Apothegms, No, 17
%%
My Loss is Your Gain!
%%
"My Lost Causes" by Noah Veil
%%
My love for you is as endless as the sky above.
It runs like a river through my heart.
My love for you will live forever.
Like the Earth itself and all that is life.
 -- Ken Grant
%%
My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet,
    And a wild young wood-thing bore him!
The ways are fair to his roaming feet,
    And the skies are sunlit for him.
As sharply sweet to my heart he seems
    As the fragrance of acacia.
My own dear love, he is all my dreams --
    And I wish he were in Asia.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%

My love is like an iron wand
That conks me on the head,
My love is like the valium
That I take before my bed,
My love is like the pint of scotch
That I drink when I be dry;
And I shall love thee still, my dear,
Until my wife is wise.
 -- Love's Drug
%%
My Love is of a birth as rare
As 'tis, for object, strange and high;
It was begotten by Despair
Upon Impossibility.
 -- Andrew Marvell
%%
My lovely living boy,
My hope, my hap, my love, my life, my joy.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Fourth Day, Book ii
%%
My love runs by like a day in June,
    And he makes no friends of sorrows.
He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
    In the pathway or the morrows.
He'll live his days where the sunbeams start
    Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
My own dear love, he is all my heart --
    And I wish somebody'd shoot him.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
My loyalties are divided between health food and high cholesterol swill.
%%
My luck changed because of the little woman. I made my first million, and I
 owe it all to the little woman. She was two inches high. I sold her to a
 circus and made a million dollars.
 -- Dave Ketchum
%%
My lucky colour just faded.
%%
My lungs began to crow like chanticleer,
That fools should be so deep-contemplative;
And I did laugh sans intermission
An hour by his dial.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
My machine ain't old!  Relays still do the job....
%%
My maid doesn't do windows, neither does my computer.
%%
My mail is so slow, the Elvis stamp gained 10 pounds.
%%
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
%%
My main reason for adopting literature as a profession was that, as
the author is never seen by his clients, he need not dress respectably.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
My major advisor is Dr. Lechter.
%%
My mama done tol' me...
%%
My manager also told me about the step-by-step phone walk-through
that several other people have experienced: "There!  Now it's
stopped working!" "Did you take OUT the first disk before you put
the second on in?"  When I heard this story, I said, "Sounds to me
like that guy's been watching too many porno movies."
%%
My man 's as true as steel.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
My meaning in saying he is a good man, is to have you understand me
that he is sufficient.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
My message above.  Your response here ____________.
%%
My messages are subliminal ... including this tagline.
%%
My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right
thing to say.  And then say it with the utmost levity.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
My Michelin Guide doesn't have tire ads.
%%
My mind ain't so open that anything can crawl right in.
%%
My mind can never know my body,
although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
 -- Woody Allen [on Epistemology]
%%
My mind hates my body
 My body hates my soul
 I close my eyes and fight
 Inside my own black hole
 -- Black Flag "The Bars"
%%
My mind is a deadly weapon--but don't worry, it's peace-
bonded for the weekend.
%%
My mind is a potato field...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My mind is a scary place, I try not to go there alone.
%%
My mind is closed so my body speaks.
%%
My mind is like a blotter:  Soaks it up, gets it backwards.
%%
My mind is like an old-fashioned bear trap:
rusty, dangerous, hasn't caught a thing in years.
%%
My mind is made up, don't confuse me with facts.
%%
My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton....
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My mind is my greatest gift but it is also my worst enemy.
 -- P.S. Cairns
%%
My mind is not for rent to any god or gov't.
%%
My mind isn't ALWAYS in the gutter--sometimes it comes out to feed.
%%
My mind is willing, my checkbook is weak.
%%
My mind prances in wilderness yet untamed by human conception.
%%
My mind's been working overtime.
%%
    My mind to me a kingdom is;
      Such present joys therein I find,
    That it excels all other bliss
      That earth affords or grows by kind:
Though much I want which most would have,
Yet still my mind forbids to crave.
 -- Edward Dyer (c. 1540-1607)
 -- MS. Rawl. 85. p. 17
%%
My mind to your mind... NO CARRIER
%%
My mistakes are purely erroneous.
%%
My modem almost drowned in a bit stream.
%%
My modem can beat up your modem!
%%
My modem has premature bauding...
%%
My modem isn't slow. It's "baudily" challenged.
%%
My Mom always told me that sex was a dirty, ugly, horrible thing that
I was only to do with someone I loved.
%%
My mom called me last night... I'm over it now...
 I was thinking of calling her back... There it passed...
%%
My mom must have been a phone phreak.
%%
My mom was a little weird. When I was little my mom would make chocolate
 frosting. And she'd let me lick the beaters. And then she'd turn them off.
 -- Marty Cohen
%%
My money and my children go to POLICE STATE!
%%
My mood ring takes antidepressant drugs.
%%
My moral standing is lying down.
%%
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
My mother drinks to forget she drinks.
 -- Crazy Jimmy
%%
My mother had a baby once.
 -- Jigger
%%
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
My mother had a problem because she grew up during the Great Depression.
 And I had problems because I grew up during her great depression.
 -- Jane Stroll
%%
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage.
One day my wife came home early from work and found us in bed together.
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
My mother-in-law is an alien.
%%
My mother-in-law is a tough old hen!
%%
My mother invented me. My father denies!
%%
My mother is a fish.
 -- William Faulkner
%%
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
%%
My mother is from Iceland and my father is from Cuba.
I guess that makes me an Ice Cube.
%%
My mother is NEVER on time!
 -- Worf
%%
My mother loved children---she would have given anything if I had been one.
 -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
%%
My mother loves ME! It's the computer she hates.
%%
My mother made me a homosexual!
 If I send her the yarn, can she make me one too?
%%
My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I
 said, "Just wait."
 -- Judy Tenuta
%%
My mother thanks you, my father thanks you...
%%
My mother told me, "Elwood,"--she always called me "Elwood"--"in this
 world you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was
 smart. I recommend pleasant."
 -- James Stewart (as Elwood P. Dowd in Harvey,
 screenplay by Mary Chase and Oscar Brodney)

 You are a member of the British royal family. We are never tired, and we
 all love hospitals.
 -- Queen Mary (to her daughter, Queen Elizabeth II)
%%
My mother traded with a Ferengi for me when I was a baby.
%%
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you
 haven't met yet.  She's now in a maximum security twilight home in
 Australia.
 -- Dame Edna Everage
%%
My mother wants grandchildren, so I said, "Mom, go for it!"
 -- Sue Murphy
%%
My mother was a test tube; my father was a knife.
 -- Friday
%%
My mother was the tour guide for Guilt Trips...
%%
My mother went to school with a girl named Michelle Babbitch. She couldn't
 wait to get married to change her name because she was teased so much as a
 child. Unfortunately for her, she fell in love with a guy named Harvey
 Bratspiss. Though luck!
%%
My mother...will be as pleased as Punch.
Mmmm...if only she we're as _good-looking_ as Punch, Baldrick...
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
My motto is, "Contented with little, yet wishing for more."
 -- Charles Lamb
%%
My motto is: love like a poet, pray like a lawyer.
 -- Joe Kogel
%%
My motto is: One chocolate donut is worth 1000 bran muffins.
%%
My mouth doesn't seem to have a backspace key ...
%%
My, my--65! I guess this marks the first day of the rest of our life
 savings.
 -- H. Martin
%%
My My, hey hey
Rock and roll is here to stay   The king is gone but he's not forgotten
It's better to burn out This is the story of a Johnny Rotten
Than to fade away                It's better to burn out than it is to rust
My my, hey hey                      The king is gone but he's not forgotten

It's out of the blue and into the black Hey hey, my my
They give you this, but you pay for that     Rock and roll can never die
And once you're gone you can never come back       There's more to the picture
When you're out of the blue                        Than meets the eye
And into the black
 -- Neil Young
            [My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue), Rust Never Sleeps]
%%
My my, Prudence.  What a strange-looking group of people.
%%
My name is Annie Key. Ouch! Why are you hitting me?!
%%
My name is Bond..  Covalent Bond.
%%
My name is Borg, James Borg, licensed to assimilate.
%%
My name is Carrot Man and I curse your little sister's goldfish.
%%
My name is Crusher. Where's Ensign Walnut?
 -- Beverly
%%
My name is Dracula.  I am a vampire.  But I *love* garlic!
%%
My name is Inigo P. Fudd.  You killed my millionaire.
Prepare to own a mansion und a yacht.
%%
My name is Legion.
 -- New Testament
 -- Mark v, 9
%%
My name is Marshall Teller, and I've learned an important lesson about
 Reality.  In this life you can either follow the script they give you,
 or demand a rewrite.  Here in Eerie, Indiana, _Weirdness Central USA_,
 you've gotta be ready to improvise.
 -- "Reality Takes a Holiday", Eerie Indiana
%%
My name is Norval; on the Grampian hills
My father feeds his flocks; a frugal swain,
Whose constant cares were to increase his store,
And keep his only son, myself, at home.
 -- John Home (1724-1808)
 -- Douglas, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
My name is not Dr. Death
%%
My name is Reese.  Sergeant tech-comm, DN38416, assigned to protect you.
You've been targeted for termination
%%
My native land, good night!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 13
%%
My natural exuberance spills out all over the place.
%%
My nature is subdu'd
To what it works in, like the dyer's hand.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet cxi
%%
Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
My nearest
And dearest enemy.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- Anything for a Quiet Life, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
My neighbor has a circular driveway ... he can't get out.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other
 replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say, "Moo'?" The
 other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
 -- Morey Amsterdam
%%
My neighbors don't like it when I talk to my plants... I use a megaphone.
%%
My neighbors have been known to be overly friendly, particularly on the day
 when I am moving.
%%
My neighbour is a real energy saver-hasn't been out of his hammock all summer.
 -- Phil Pastoret
%%
My nephew wants to be an abstract artist, so I got him a paint-by-
irrational-number kit.
%%
My new millionaire idea is one regular shoe and one "swollen" shoe, for when
 you get bit by a rattlesnake.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
My new PC has a VL-BUS motherboard in it. Didn't they mean VW Bus?
%%
My next-door neighbor's little girl, 16 years old, pretty little
 girl--showed up just as pregnant as she could be. Her mama hit the ceiling.

 She said, "Who done it? Who done this dastardly deed?"

 The little girl said, "How do I know? You wouldn't let me go steady."
 -- Ralph Smith
%%
My next storyline has the Punisher going after the
 Attorney General.  This should be good.
 -- Mike Baron
%%
Mynheer Vandunck, though he never was drunk,
Sipped brandy and water gayly.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- Mynheer Vandunck
%%
My nipples explode with delight!
 -- Monty Python
%%
My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
..  my NOSE is NUMB!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My notion of a great novel is something like a five-hundred-page shaggy-dog
story, with only the punch line omitted.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My notion of a wife at 40 is that a man should be able to change her, like a
bank note, for two twenties.
 -- Warren Beatty
%%
My nutritionist is Dr. Hannibal Lecter.
%%
My oh my!  Life sure is easier with my new Salad Shooter (R) !
%%
My old friend William Wyler used to say, "If you're going to give the
 audience a shock, just before it, almost reduce them to boredom so that
 bang, they sit up." He's quite right, of course.
 -- David Lean
%%
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
My only books
Were woman's looks,--
And folly 's all they 've taught me.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Time I 've lost in wooing
%%
My only hope is that our children grow up without our prejudices.
%%
My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
 -- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"
%%
My opinion is uncluttered by facts!
%%
My opinions are just that and no more.
%%
My opinions are just that, *mine*.
My company would post them if it agreed.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opinions are mine and do not necessarily reflect
 those of my company.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opinions are mine. They're probably wrong, but mine nonetheless.
%%
My opinions are my own and the kids, not my employer's.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opinions are my own ... as is my spelling.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opinions are my own. Flames >/dev/null
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opinions are my own. If you like them, a lease plan is available.
%%
My opinions are my own, not my company's or my employer's or my cat's
(Well, maybe my cat's....)
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opinions are my own, or so I'm told.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opinions are my own unless they happen to  be yours too.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opinions are my own, wonk, wonk, wonk.
%%
My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
%%
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
My opinions, My questions, My answers.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My opponent has been observed masticating in public!
%%
My opponent knows less about national defense than I know about spelling.
Even I know it's Cruise missiles, not Patriot missiles that go through
doors and chimneys.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a Bill Clinton
                   misstatement,  9/92. (seen on CNN; the CNN anchorwoman
                   corrected Quayle when the story was over.)
%%
My opponent's best move is my best move.
%%
My other brain's a schizofhrenic.
%%
My other car is a broom!
%%
My other car is *ALSO* a road hazard...
%%
My other car is an Edsel.
%%
My other car is a police car.
%%
my other car is a real ota !
 -- Bumper sticker seen on Toyota Corolla
%%
My Other Car is a STARSHIP.
%%
My other car is a turbo charged 454 surrounded by an ambulance!
%%
My other car is still in the dealer's showroom.
%%
My other car is underwater.
 -- Ted Kennedy's Bumper Sticker
%%
My other cat is a Jaguar.
%%
My other cat is a Leopard.
%%
My other computer had a VAXextomy, now it's a UNIX.
%%
My other computer has Lwaxana Troi's voice.
%%
My other computer is a 786/250 with a 250 Gb hard drive.
%%
My other computer is a abacus.
%%
My other computer is a Banana 6000!
%%
My other computer is a Borg.
%%
My other computer is a Colecovision!
%%
My other computer is a Cray-XMP.
%%
My other computer is a CRAY!....yeah, that's the ticket!
%%
My other computer is a Cray Y-MP!
%%
My other computer is a HAL 9000!
%%
My other computer is a HoloDeck(tm).
%%
My other computer is also a Unix system.
%%
My other computer is an Altair
%%
My other computer is an IMSAI....
%%
My other computer is another Amiga.
%%
My other computer is a Pentium.
%%
My other computer is a piece of junk too.
%%
My other computer is a RS/6000.
%%
My other computer is a SGI!
%%
My other computer is a Silicon Graphics Workstation.
%%
My other computer is a SUN SPARCstation 10.
%%
My other computer is a SUN, too.
%%
My other computer is a VAX.
%%
My other computer is even slower.
%%
My other computer is still in the shop window.
%%
My other computer keeps calling me Dave.
%%
My other computer uses an FTL Subspace-Field Nanoprocessor!
%%
My other ferret is a Wolverine.
%%
My other machine is water-cooled.
%%
My other modem is a U.S. Robotics Dual Standard.
%%
My other processor is a Moulinex.
%%
My other sticker is funny.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
My other tag line is a killer!
%%
My other tagline is being used on my CRAY Y-MP.
%%
My other terminal is a chunk of shit too.
%%
My other TIME/SPACE machine is a TARDIS.
%%
My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...
%%
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird...
%%
My other vehicle is USS Crazy Horse (NCC-4681-R)
%%
My other wife is beautiful.
%%
My own best books have not been published. In fact, they've not even been
written yet.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
My own dear love, he is strong and bold
    And he cares not what comes after.
His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
    And his eyes are lit with laughter.
He is jubilant as a flag unfurled --
    Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him.
My own dear love, he is all my world --
    And I wish I'd never met him.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of
 human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly
 vulnerable.... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the
 frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we
 do; it has no feeling, no design, no interest in whether
 or not we grapple with it. But we cannot be indifferent to
 space, because the grand, slow march of intelligence has brought
 us, in our generation, to a point from which we can explore and
 understand and utilize it. To turn back now would be to deny
 our history, our capabilities.
 -- James A Michener
%%
My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
Alley!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My papa said son, don't let the man get you and do what he done to me.
 -- John Fogerty
%%
My pappy told me never to bet my bladder against a brewery or get into an
 argument with people who buy ink by the barrel.
 -- Lane Kirkland
%%
My parakeet died. We were playing badminton.
 -- Danny Curtis
%%
My parents feel I was well conceived.
%%
My parents looted L.A., all I got was this lousy tagline.
%%
My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air.  Of course, you have to
 have low ceilings for this method to work.
%%
My parents sent my brother through law school. He graduated. Now he's suing
 them for wasting seven years of his life.
 -- Mike Binder
%%
My parents used to send me to spend summers with my grandparents. I hate
 cemeteries!
 -- Chris Fonseca
%%
My parents want me to get married. They don't care who anymore, as long as
 he doesn't have a pierced ear, that's all they care about. I think men who
 have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced
 pain and bought jewelry.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
My parents went to Babylon 5 and all I got was this lousy tagline.
%%
My parents went to Bajor and all I got was this lousy tagline.
%%
My parents went to Cynosure and all I got was this lousy tagline.
%%
My parents went to DS-9 and all I got was this lousy tagline.
%%
My parents went to Niagara Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
%%
My parents went to Tehran and all I got was this lousy death shroud.
%%
My parents went to the Tee-Shirt Shoppe and all I got was this stupid T-shirt!
%%
My parents were first cousins -- that's why I look so much alike!
%%
My past is my own.
 -- The Shadow (DC Comics)
%%
My patio is covered with a killer frost.
%%
My pencil slipped and tore my aptitude test.
%%
My pen is at the bottom of a page,
Which, being finished, here the story ends;
'Tis to be wished it had been sooner done,
But stories somehow lengthen when begun.
 -- Byron
%%
"My people are the people of the dessert,"
said T. E. Lawrence, picking up his fork.
%%
My people pride themselves on being the greatest, most successful
  gamblers in the universe.  We compete for everything:  power, fame,
  women.  Everything we desire.  And it is our nature to win!  For
  proof I offer you our exploration of this galaxy.
 -- Kirk, "The gamesters of Triskelion," stardate unknown.
%%
My personal favorite is Spring Surprise.
%%
My personal feelings about Captain Picard are irrelevant to this
  investigation...and NONE of your business.
 -- Dr. Beverly Crusher, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark...
 -- Indigo Girls
%%
My plan: To chew some bubblegum and do some research, and we're all out
    of bubblegum.
 -- Rajeev Pandey
%%
My Playtex living bra died--of starvation! I've turned many a head in my
 day, and a few stomachs. I never made Who's Who but I'm featured in What's
 That! I once went braless and wore a peekaboo blouse. It was embarrassing.
 First they'd peek, then they'd boo ...

 Bob Hope has a joke on me, the most beautiful one I ever heard. He said, "A
 Peeping Tom threw up on her windowsill."
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
My play was a complete success.  The audience was a failure.
 -- Ashleigh Brillian
%%
My politics are just to the right of Rush Limbaugh's.
%%
My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My poor mouse only has one ball.
%%
My position hasn't changed.  I am, uh, pro -- pro -- uh, prolife --
 -- President George Bush, April 1992
%%
My position is that I understand from a medical situation, immediately
after a rape is reported, that a woman normally, in fact, can go to
the hospital and have a D and C.  At that time...  that is before the
forming of a life.  That is not anything to do with abortion
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle  explaining that Dilatation
     and Curettage, a form of abortion which occurs
     after fertilization, is not really abortion.
     (the Washington post, 11/03/88)
%%
My powers are beyond your understanding!
%%
My precept to all who build is, that the owner should be an ornament to
the house, and not the house an ornament to the owner.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
My preferred programing language is solder, but I do the re-writes in VHDL.
 -- Dave Spring
%%
My prejudices--not logical, but MINE!
%%
My pride fell with my fortunes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
My problem is an 8088 brain in a 80486 world.
%%
My problem is not that I don't have my shit together.  I've always had
my shit together.  My problem is that I just can't lift it.
 -- Burt Reynold's character, "The Longest Yard"
 -- by Tracy Keenan Wynn
%%
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
 -- Errol Flynn
%%
My program can beat up your program.
%%
my-program n.
 A gem of algoristic precision, offering the most sublime
balance between compact, efficient coding on the one hand
and fully commented legibility for posterity on the other.
Compare YOUR PROGRAM.
%%
My psychiatrist is Dr. Hannibal Lecter.
%%
My psychiatrist tells me to use mental floss.
%%
My psycho-analyst is going to be out of a job.
%%
My psychotherapist says I'm getting better...No really!
%%
My Publisher: "Yes, sooner or later, we all wake up dead!"
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My punishment is greater than I can bear.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis iv, 13
%%
My puppys' cuter than your puppy
 -- NYAH NYAH
%%
"My purpose in life is to slam a stapler against the forehead of American
pop culture."
 -- Weird Al Yankovic
%%
My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
My question is simply this: Are you menstruating?
%%
My rabbit's just turned into frogs, they croaked.
%%
My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they're going to stay
that way.
 -- Al Capone (1899-1947)
%%
My radio is tuned to the voice of a star...
%%
My radio sings to the sounds of spacewaves.
%%
My rage is not malicious; like a spark of fire by steel enforced
out of a flint it is no sooner kindled, but extinct.
 -- Goffe
%%
My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me.
%%
My reality check bounced & they closed my account.
%%
My reason is not framed to bend or stoop; my knees are.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
My refrigerator is an international area. There are French and Russians
 dressing in there all the time.
%%
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
 spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
 with our frail and feeble mind.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
My reputation grows with every failure: Shaw
%%
My responsibility is to follow the Scriptures which call upon us
to occupy the land until Jesus returns.
 -- James Watt, in "The Washington Post", 24 May 1981
%%
MYRMIDON, n.  A follower of Achilles -- particularly when he didn't
lead.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
My role model, inspiration, and heroine is Morticia Addams.
 -- Siouxsie Sioux
%%
My roommate got a pet elephant.  Then it got lost.  It's in the apartment
 somewhere.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My rubber duck keeps sinking...
%%
My rule is to be true rather than funny.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
%%
My salad days,
When I was green in judgment.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
My school colors were clear.  We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My sense of purpose is gone! I have no idea who I AM!
      Oh, my God... You've.. You've turned him into a DEMOCRAT!
 -- Doonesbury
%%
My sentence is for open war.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 51
%%
My Seventh Husband: Ivana Newhouse
%%
My sex drive had a head crash.
%%
My sex life is very bad. If it wasn't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life
 at all.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
My ship came in.  Naturally it was the Kobayashi Maru.
%%
My shock & waterproof, antimagnetic watch caught on fire.
%%
My shoes are too tight.
 -- Londo
%%
_My_ side of the woods abounds in natural scenic splendor.  _Your_
side wallows in decay and filth.  My territory is infinitely superior
to yours.
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
My .sig can't come out today. It has a virus.
%%
My sig contains my tiny version of the biohazard symbol.
%%
My .sig loves me.
%%
My .sig never lies.
%%
My Sin Apps are missing.
%%
My Sin: I once called Windows an Operating System.. a long time ago.
%%
My sister claimed sexual harassment on the job, which was a little bit
 surprising, since she's a hooker.
 -- George Miller
%%
My sister could make some black bread for you (Translation: Burned)
%%
My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells by
the seashore.
%%
My sister's asthmatic. In the middle of an asthma attack she got an obscene
 phone call. The guy said, "Did I call you or did you call me?"
 -- John Mendoza
%%
My sister's a Vassar graduate. Super-sophisticate. She used to drive with
 her legs crossed.
 -- Ed Bluestone
%%
My socks DO match.  They're the same thickness.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My software can beat up your software.
%%
My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
%%
My sole literary ambition is to write one good novel, then retire to my hut in
the desert, assume the lotus position, compose my mind and senses, and sink
into meditation, contemplating my novel.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
My sole porpoise was entertainment.
%%
My son got his first part, playing a man who's been married for thirty years.
 I told him to stick at it and next time he'd get a speaking part.
%%
My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs i, 10
%%
My son is 38 and he's still trying to "find himself." I told him when he
 does it won't be such a big discovery. He said, "I'll be a millionaire
 before I'm 40!" I said, "Yeah, if I drop dead when you're 39."
 -- Alan King
%%
My soul is on fire, I'm aflame with desire, which is why I perspire...
%%
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
My species domesticated your species
[picture of cat's face]
%%
    My specific goal is to revolutionize the future of the
species.  Mathematics is just another way of predicting the
future.
 -- Ralph Abraham
%%
My Spectrum is better than any PC, I can use it as a heater!
%%
My speling chekker is browkon, hop my speling is o.k.
%%
My spelling is wobbly. It's good spelling but it wobbles and the letters
get in the wrong places.
 -- Alan Alexander Milne
 -- Pooh
%%
My spelling?  Oh, it's just line noise.
%%
My standard answer for that is, I don't know.
%%
My St. Bernard has a drinking problem.
%%
Mystery in the Barnyard: Hu Flung Dung
%%
Mystery is a word with no objective pertinence, merely describing
the limitations of a mind. In fact, a mind may be classified by
the order of the phenomena it considers mysterious.
 -- Magnus Ridolf
%%
Mystery Meat
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Mystical explanations are considered deep.
The truth is that they are not even superficial.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Mystics always hope that science will some day overtake them.
 -- Booth Tarkington
%%
My strength is as the strength of ten because my code is pure.
%%
My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
My superiority complex is better than yours!
%%
My superiority complex turned out to be an inferiority complex. I said,
 "Great, that makes me the least of my problems."
 -- Sara B. Sirius
%%
My SysOp can beat up your SysOp!
%%
My systems are only programmed for one at a time.
 -- Data
%%
My tagline can beat up your tagline!
%%
My Tagline Creator Is On Vacation.
%%
My tagline generator is offline.
%%
My tagline maker is broken!
%%
My taglines are original.  I am a copy.
%%
My Taglines Original.    ....It's Zeroxed.
%%
My tastes are simple.  I like the best.
%%
My tax refund came in, so now I know what I am going to do, down to Wag's
 to buy me a state-of-the-art Hershey Bar!
%%
My teacher told me that today was the first day of the rest of my life.
 That explains why I didn't do yesterday's homework.
 -- Lorne Elliott
%%
My tears must stop, for every drop
  Hinders needle and thread.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Song of the Shirt
%%
My tennis racket's broken, can I borrow your cat?
%%
My terminal is a lethal teaspoon.
 -- Patricia O Tuama
%%
myth: accounts of adventure related by a mountaineer.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars!
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
%%
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
 -- Christopher Morley
%%
My theory on mime: They've obviously waived their First Amendment rights by
 refusing to speak.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
My thighs--five more pounds and they'll be eligible for statehood.
 -- Audrey Buslik
%%
My third Computer is a RATIONAL
%%
My third pet is .BATty; my fourth is MOUSEY.
%%
Mythology, n.: The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin,
early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true
accounts which it invents later.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
My thoughts are my own ... and don't always make sense ...
%%
My thoughts ran a wool-gathering; and I did like the countryman who
looked for his ass while he was mounted on his back.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lvii
%%
Myths: Bigfoot, the Easter Bunny and Al Gore.
%%
Myths: Bigfoot, the Easter Bunny and Bill Clinton's honesty.
%%
Myths: Bigfoot, the Easter Bunny and Bill Clinton's integrity.
%%
Myths: Bigfoot, the Easter Bunny and Bill Clinton's sincerity.
%%
Myths: Bigfoot, the Tooth Fairy and Al Gore.
%%
Myths: Bigfoot, the Tooth Fairy and Bill Clinton's honesty.
%%
Myths: Bigfoot, the Tooth Fairy and Bill Clinton's integrity.
%%
Myths: Bigfoot, the Tooth Fairy and Bill Clinton's sincerity.
%%
 My time is billed at $125 per hour.  Please begin your message
 with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of
 expiration.  I'll get back to you pending credit approval.
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
My to me an empire is.
 -- Southwell
%%
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xlv, 1
%%
My toughest fight was with my first wife.
 -- Mohammad Ali
%%
My train of thought is a Mag-Lev.
%%
`My trip? It was vile. Balaclava
I loathed.  Etna was crawling with lava.
    The ship was all white
        But it creaked in the night,
And the band, they did not know la java."
 -- Edward Gorey
%%
My Turbo Light is on, but nobody is home.
%%
My twit file runneth over.
%%
My twit filter just put ME on it's Twit list!
%%
My Twit Filter just put YOU on its Twit List!
%%
My two favorite letters in the word Bush are BS.
%%
My Uncle Fred died of asbestosis - it took six months to cremate him.
%%
My uncle got a job driving a cab. He had the cab parked right in front of
 Grand Central Station, and an Episcopal bishop got into my uncle's cab. He
 said, "Take me to Christ Church." So my uncle took him up to St. Patrick's
 Cathedral. And the bishop got mad. He said, "I said Christ Church." And my
 uncle said, "Look, if he's not here he's not in town!"
 -- Jimmy Joyce
%%
My uncle has a country place that no-one knows about,
 he says it used to be a farm before he mowed the lawn...
%%
My uncle invented the solar-powered funeral home. He's got basic solar
 technology, big panels on the roof, the sun beats down, it heats up the
 panels. Trouble is, he can't cremate, he can only poach.
 -- Heywood Banks
%%
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C.  And I can prove it too!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My Uncle Murray said you're a man when you can make love for as long as it
 takes to cook a chicken.
 -- David Steinberg
%%
My Uncle Pat, he reads the death column every morning in the paper. And he
 can't understand how people always die in alphabetical order.
 -- Hal Roach
%%
My uncle's an airline pilot. Kinda makes
 it difficult to hold the bottle though...
%%
My uncle's funeral cost five thousand dollars so far. We buried him in a
 rented tuxedo.
 -- Dave Madden
%%
My uncle staggered in the other night, loaded. His wife said, "Where have
 you been?" He said, "I bought something for the house." She said, "What did
 you buy for the house?" He said, "A round of drinks."
 -- Jimmy Joyce
%%
My Uncle was in a play once. It was called Macbeth.
What did he play?
Second codpiece. Macbeth wore him in the fight scenes.
So he was a _stunt_ codpiece, then?
Yeah.
Did he have a large part?
...Depends who was playing Macbeth.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
My uncle was thrown out of a mime show for having a seizure. They thought
 he was heckling.
 -- Jeff Shaw
%%
My Universe - I hate party bashers......
%%
My unpremeditated verse.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 24
%%
My used underwear is legal tender in 28 countries and counting.
%%
My valour is certainly going! it is sneaking off! I feel it oozing
out, as it were, at the palm of my hands!
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
..  My vaseline is RUNNING...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
My VCR flashes 01:35, 01:35, 01:35, ...
 -- Steven Wright
%%
My ventures are not in one bottom trusted,
Nor to one place.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
My viewpoint is that it's more of a choice than a biological situation...
I think it is a wrong choice.  It is a wrong; it is a wrong choice.
I do believe in most cases it certainly is a choice.
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle discussing his views on
                    homosexuality while on "This Week with David Brinkley"
                    9/13/92. (reported in the San Francisco Chronicle, 9/14/92)
%%
My views and opinions do not reflect
the same for my employer or my country,
and definitely not the chancelor!
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My views and opinions do not reflect
the same for my employer or my country,
and definitely not the president!
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My views are my own not my employers' view, Hell they don't pay me enough.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My views are my views and they do not represent those of anybody but me.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
My views on evolution? I think Darwin was adopted.
 -- Steven Wright.
%%
My vigour relents,--I pardon something to the spirit of liberty.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 118
%%
My vision is not that good without eyes.
%%
My voice is still for war.
Gods! can a Roman senate long debate
Which of the two to choose, slavery or death?
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
My wallet's cache is disabled.
%%
My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death.  One or the
other of us has to go.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
 -- in Frank Harris  Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1930) p. 572
 -- To Claire de Pratz, 29 October 1900
%%
My way of joking is to tell the truth.
It's the funniest joke in the world.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
My way of life
Is fall'n into the sere, the yellow leaf;
And that which should accompany old age,
As honour, love, obedience, troops of friends,
I must not look to have; but in their stead
Curses, not loud but deep, mouth-honour, breath,
Which the poor heart would fain deny, and dare not.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
%%
My whole freshman year I wore brown and white shoes. Actually they were
 impractical, because the white one kept getting dirty.
 -- Dick Cavett
%%
My whole life has been a tissue of whoppers. I consider myself to be
  one of England's finest liers...Oh, my God, Percy, a giant humming-
  bird is about to eat your hat and cloak!!!
Oh, no!! (runs out)
...You see, I'm terrific at it...
 -- Edmund and Percy : Money
%%
My whole life is a movie--it's just that there are no
dissolves.  I have to live every agonizing moment of it--my
life needs editing.
%%
My widget is better than yours because it's MINE!
%%
My wife and children are liabilities, and I haven't
 sold them, have I?
 -- Ted Turner
%%
 My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
 leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as
 we're finished.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had
to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
My wife and I were in Las Vegas. My wife called down and asked for room
 service--and a half hour later they send up a table and a dealer. Of
 course, my wife doesn't gamble, so she sent the table back. And then just
 before I left the apartment, I sent the dealer back. I don't gamble either.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
My wife claims my mind wasn't the first thing to go...!
%%
My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell till I married
 her.
 -- Hal Roach
%%
My wife divorced me because I was having fries on the side.
%%
My wife doesn't give me any trouble anymore. She died. I had her cremated.
 I mixed in a little marijuana and smoked her. It was the best she ever made
 me feel.
 -- Jackie Vernon
%%
My wife drives like lightening... She strikes everything!
 -- Bumpersticker
%%
My wife gives good headache.
%%
My wife--God bless her--was in labor for thirty-two hours. And I was
 faithful to her the entire time.
 -- Jonathan Katz
%%
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys
she's cut out entirely.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
My wife has this one wonderful trait - she worships me!
%%
My wife insists on turning off the lights when we make love. That doesn't
 bother me. It's the hiding that seems so cruel.
 -- Jonathan Katz
%%
My wife is going to have me cremated and placed in a baby case.
%%
My wife just got pregnant ... She took seriously what was poked at her
 in fun!
%%
My wife left me - There is a GOD!
%%
My wife loves ME, It's the computer she hates!
%%
My wife made me join a bridge club...I jump next week.
%%
My Wife of Borg: I have checks. Balance is irrelevent.
%%
My wife or my modem?  Gee, I'll miss her....
%%
"My wife ran off with my best friend, and I miss him"
 -- Stupid country song titles #12
%%
My wife says I never listen to her.  At least I think that's what she said.
%%
My wife's been faking her orgasms--in front of my friends.
 -- Tony Daro
%%
My wife's not the worst cook in the world, but she keeps on burning the
 coffee. You would too if you kept pouring it through the toaster all the
 time.
 -- Jack E. Leonard
%%
My wife's obedience class are getting too expensive.
%%
My wife's on a diet. She used to be so fat every time she got into a taxi
 the driver rushed her to the hospital. She went to the health club and one
 week she lost fifteen pounds. One of those machines tore her leg off.
 -- Dave Barry (stand-up comic of the 1960s)
%%
My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps scribbling in
 her diary.
 -- Drake Sather
%%
My wife told me of a book about finding the G spot. I went to a bookstore.
 I couldn't even find the book ... My wife bought it for me. There were no
 pictures, maps, or diagrams. It just said it was about two-thirds of the
 way in. Great. Compared to who?
 -- Robert Schimmel
%%
My wife wears rubber gear and whips me. Ohhhhh Kay!
%%
My wish list is wanting.
%%
My woman she done left me
  My children left me too
My mule done kicked my kidneys
  And my income tax is due.
 -- Dave Barry, "Music To Get Rich By"
%%
My words fly up, my thoughts remain below:
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
My work is a game, a very serious game.
 -- M. C. Escher
%%
My work is done, why wait?
 -- George Eastman
%%
My world, and welcome to it
 -- Thurber.
%%
My writing is like a ten gallon spring.  It can issue from the ground
anywhere at all.  On smooth ground it rushes swiftly on and covers
a thousand li in a single day without difficulty.  When it twists and
turns among mountains and rocks, it fits its form to things it meets:
unknowable. What can be known is, it always goes where it must go, always
stops where it cannot help stopping -- nothing else. More than that,
even I cannot know.
 -- Su Shih
%%
My wyfe stopped taking PRONEZAC, now I don't get any.
%%
My WYSIWYG is all GUI
%%
My XT is 9 years old.  In PC years, that's 130.
%%
My XT's not slow, it just takes it's time!
%%
My yards a mess but my hard disk's the best!!
%%
My youngest child is the funniest one of the group. I had just finished
 eating and my stomach was swollen from the food that went in it. And she
 patted me on the stomach and she said, "Dad, you have a big stomach."

 And as a father I tried to give her wisdom. And I said, "Dad's stomach is
 full of food, that's why it looks that way."

 And she said, "Yes. And you have a big nose because you don't pick it."
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
My youngest daughter just had her first birthday. We bought her a card
with one of those "I am 1" badges. One the back was the disclaimer:
"Not suitable for children under three years old"
%%
 'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same
 time as 'n' tasks.
 -- Gray's Law of Programming
 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
 -- Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law
%%
Naaah, couldn't be!
%%
Naaah, real men don't read docs.
%%
   n
a+b
---  = x, donc Dieu existe.  Repondez!
 n
 -- Leonhard Euler
%%
NaCl + H2O = Alien Spot Remover
%%
Nada muere, todo baja del rio del tiempo al mar de la eternidad y alli queda.
 -- Miguel de Unamuno,
 -- "Ver con los Ojos y Otros Relatos Novelescos"
%%
:nadger: /nad'jr/ [Great Britain] v. Of software or hardware (not
   people), to twiddle some object in a hidden manner, generally so
   that it conforms better to some format.  For instance, string
   printing routines on 8-bit processors often take the string text
   from the instruction stream, thus a print call looks like `jsr
   print:"Hello world"'.  The print routine has to `nadger' the
   saved instruction pointer so that the processor doesn't try to
   execute the text as instructions when the subroutine returns.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nadie se murio por no hacer nada!
%%
Nadie tiene mas imaginacion que la realidad.
 -- Miguel de Unamuno, "El Espejo de la Muerte", 1941
%%
Nadine, there's plenty of patent attorneys. We're just gonna have to
    keep on looking til we find one that understands drape runners.
 -- Big Ed, from Twin Peaks
%%
Nae man can tether time or tide.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
NAFTA (No American Factories Taking Applications)
%%
NAFTA will get us nowhere. At least nowhere good.
%%
Nagagator: Map-reading back-seat driver.
%%
:nagware: /nag'weir/ [USENET] n. The variety of {shareware}
   that displays a large screen at the beginning or end reminding you
   to register, typically requiring some sort of keystroke to continue
   so that you can't use the software in batch mode.  Compare
   {crippleware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nah nah nah SHE'S GOT THE LOOK!
%%
:nailed to the wall: [like a trophy] adj. Said of a bug finally
   eliminated after protracted, and even heroic, effort.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nail to the mast her holy flag,
  Set every threadbare sail,
And give her to the god of storms,
  The lightning and the gale!
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- Old Ironsides
%%
Nair and gasoline.
 -- There's more than one way to skin a cat: Way #34
%%
:naive: adj. Untutored in the perversities of some particular
   program or system; one who still tries to do things in an intuitive
   way, rather than the right way (in really good designs these
   coincide, but most designs aren't `really good' in the
   appropriate sense).  This trait is completely unrelated to general
   maturity or competence, or even competence at any other specific
   program.  It is a sad commentary on the primitive state of
   computing that the natural opposite of this term is often claimed
   to be `experienced user' but is really more like `cynical
   user'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Naive alien.  And if
 certain things stand in our way -- Klingons for
 Kirk, reality for me -- well, we just have to suck
 in our guts, set the phasers on Stun, and hope for
 the best."
 -- Merle Kessler, IAN SHOALES' PERFECT WORLD
%%
:naive user: n. A {luser}.  Tends to imply someone who is
   ignorant mainly owing to inexperience.  When this is applied to
   someone who *has* experience, there is a definite implication
   of stupidity.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Naked children are so perfectly pure and lovely.  I confess I do not admire
naked boys.  They always seem to me to need clothes--whereas one hardly sees
why the lovely forms of girls should ever be covered up.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
Naked except for your girlfriend and her 120 or so kids right?
%%
Naked means you ain't got no clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you ain't got no
 clothes on and you up to somethin'!
 -- George Grizzard
%%
:NAK: /nak/ [from the ASCII mnemonic for 0010101] interj.
   1. On-line joke answer to {ACK}?: "I'm not here."
   2. On-line answer to a request for chat: "I'm not available."
   3. Used to politely interrupt someone to tell them you don't
   understand their point or that they have suddenly stopped making
   sense.  See {ACK}, sense 3.  "And then, after we recode the
   project in COBOL...."  "Nak, Nak, Nak!  I thought I heard you
   say COBOL!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NAK NAK, "Who's There?" #@#^#$%#(#@^ NO CARRIER
%%
Name:3:^:3:3[3:]3:]33 Rank:^:3:[3:]3 Serial No:3:^:3:3[3
%%
Name: ___  Address: ___  Postal Code: ___  Age: ___  Sex:  [Y/N]
%%
<Name> - Alive, occupying space, and exerting gravitational force.
%%
Name-callers Anonymous has just denounced Rush Limbaugh.
%%
NAME
    ColdReboot
FUNCTION
    Reboot the machine.  (..)
    This function never returns.
INPUT
    A chaotic pile of disoriented bits.
RESULTS
    An altogether totally integrated living system.

 -- RKRM Libraries & Autodocs
%%

Named after the famous French philosopher and mathematician Rene
DesCartes, RENE is a language used for artificial intelligence.  The
language is being developed at the Chicago Center of Machine Politics
and Programming under a grant from the Jane Byrne Victory Fund.  A
spokesman described the language as Just as great as dis [sic] city of
ours.

The center is very pleased with progress to date.    They say they have
almost succeeded in getting a VAX to think. However, sources inside the
organization say that each time the machine fails to think it ceases to
exist.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #2: RENE
%%

Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an extremely
unstructured language.  Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just
are.  Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions.
SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are no fun at
parties.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #17: SARTRE
%%
Name one thing you can do with Prodigy...Hang up!
%%
Names are not always what they seem.  The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp
is pronounced Jackson.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Name the greatest of all inventors.  Accident.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Namien lies to the southeast of your current position. Nothing else
can be seen save the empty waters of the ocean.
%%
Nana-korobi ya-oki (fall down 7 get up 8)
%%
Nancy = Millionaire, Tonya = Zilch
%%
Nancy Reagan agreed to be the first artificial heart donor.
%%
Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
Nancy Reagan had a face lift. Joan Collins used a fork lift.
%%
Nancy Reagan meets Ms. Manners:  Just say No, thank you.
%%
Nancy Reagan: "Say, Ron, didn't you call Ollie North a patriot?"
 Ronald Reagan: "I don't remember."
%%
NANCY!!  Why is everything RED?!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
:nanoacre: /nan'oh-ay`kr/ n. A unit (about 2 mm square) of real
   estate on a VLSI chip.  The term gets its giggle value from the
   fact that VLSI nanoacres have costs in the same range as real acres
   once one figures in design and fabrication-setup costs.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:nanobot: /nan'oh-bot/ n. A robot of microscopic proportions,
   presumably built by means of {{nanotechnology}}.  As yet, only
   used informally (and speculatively!).  Also called a `nanoagent'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:nanocomputer: /nan'oh-k*m-pyoo'tr/ n. A computer with
   molecular-sized switching elements.  Designs for mechanical
   nanocomputers which use single-molecule sliding rods for their
   logic have been proposed.  The controller for a {nanobot} would
   be a nanocomputer.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:nanofortnight: [Adelaide University] n. 1 fortnight * 10^-9,
   or about 1.2 msec.  This unit was used largely by students doing
   undergraduate practicals.  See {microfortnight}, {attoparsec},
   and {micro-}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:nano: /nan'oh/ [CMU: from `nanosecond'] n. A brief period of
   time.  "Be with you in a nano" means you really will be free
   shortly, i.e., implies what mainstream people mean by "in a
   jiffy" (whereas the hackish use of `jiffy' is quite different ---
   see {jiffy}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nanosecond:
Measure of time on mork's planet ork.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man.
%%
Nanosecond, Used to measure a Womans attention span.
%%
:nano-: [SI: the next quantifier below {micro-}; meaning *
   10^(-9)] pref. Smaller than {micro-}, and used in the same rather
   loose and connotative way.  Thus, one has {{nanotechnology}}
   (coined by hacker K. Eric Drexler) by analogy with
   `microtechnology'; and a few machine architectures have a
   `nanocode' level below `microcode'.  Tom Duff at Bell Labs has
   also pointed out that "Pi seconds is a nanocentury".
   See also {{quantifiers}}, {pico-}, {nanoacre}, {nanobot},
   {nanocomputer}, {nanofortnight}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:nanotechnology:: /nan'-oh-tek-no`l*-jee/ n. A hypothetical
   fabrication technology in which objects are designed and built with
   the individual specification and placement of each separate atom.
   The first unequivocal nanofabrication experiments took place
   in 1990, for example with the deposition of individual xenon
   atoms on a nickel substrate to spell the logo of a certain very
   large computer company.  Nanotechnology has been a hot topic in the
   hacker subculture ever since the term was coined by K. Eric Drexler
   in his book "Engines of Creation", where he predicted that
   nanotechnology could give rise to replicating assemblers,
   permitting an exponential growth of productivity and personal
   wealth.  See also {blue goo}, {gray goo}, {nanobot}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nanu nanu!
%%
NAPA: Never Any Parts Available.
%%
Napjerk: the sudden body convulsions as one is about to doze off.
%%
Napoleon constructed his battle plans in a sandbox.
%%
Napoleon sat here and blew his Bonaparte.
%%
Napoleon's troops fought in bright fields, where every helmet caught
some gleams of glory; but the British soldier conquered under the
cool shade of aristocracy. No honours awaited his daring, no despatch
gave his name to the applauses of his countrymen; his life of danger
and hardship was uncheered by hope, his death unnoticed.
 -- Sir W. F. P. Napier (1785-1860)
 -- Peninsular War (1810), Vol. ii, Book xi, Chap. iii
%%
NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe?  Everything he
says is wrong.
GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says
will be right.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "The Man of Destiny"
%%
Narcissism: You and your toilet paper share the same name.  -SLR
%%
 (Narrator's voice:)  There Dale sits, reading a magazine.
 Suddenly the telephone rings!  The bathroom explodes into a
 veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of
 it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds!  Will he make it
 in time?  Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.  The bell hath
 sounded.  Thou must leave a message.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Narrow-minded provincialism: Sad to say but true--I am more interested in the
mountain lions of Utah, the wild pigs of Arizona, than I am in the fate of all
the Arabs of Araby, all the Wogs of Hindustan, all the Ethiopians of
Abyssinia....
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Narrowness of mind is often the cause of obstinacy: we do not easily
believe beyond what we see.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
NASA Announces New Deck Chair Arrangement For Space Station Titanic.
 -- Tom Neff
%%
NASA Awards Acronym Generation System (AGS) Contract For Space Station Freedom
 -- Tom Neff
%%
:nasal demons: n. Recognized shorthand on the USENET group
   comp.std.c for any unexpected behavior of a C compiler on
   encountering an undefined construct.  During a discussion on that
   group in early 1992, a regular remarked "When the compiler
   encounters [a given undefined construct] it is legal for it to make
   demons fly out of your nose" (the implication is that the compiler
   may choose any arbitrarily bizarre way to interpret the code
   without violating the ANSI C standard).  Someone else followed up
   with a reference to "nasal demons", which quickly became
   established.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NASA's new contest - Find the Mars probe, win a free case of Tang!
%%
NASCAR -- Where speed excells!
%%
Nasi Lemak, the breakfast of champions.
%%
Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity.  The servant
said My master is out.    Nasrudin replied, Tell your master that next
time he goes out, he should not leave his face at the window.   Someone
might steal it.
%%
Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the
villagers gathered around to hear what had passed.  At this time,
said Nasrudin, I only want to say that the King spoke to me.      All the
villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news.  The
remaining villager asked, What did the King say to you?    What he
said -- and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear -- was 'Get out of
my way!' The simpleton was overjoyed; he had heard words actually
spoken by the King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.
%%
Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to
serve him.  Nasrudin said, First things first.   Did you see me walk
into your shop?   Of course.    Have you ever seen me before?
Never.      Then how do you know it was me?
%%
Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver
pie.  Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of
meat from his hand.  As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it,
Foolish bird!   You have the liver, but what can you do with it without
the recipe?
%%
:nastygram: /nas'tee-gram/ n. 1. A protocol packet or item of
   email (the latter is also called a {letterbomb}) that takes
   advantage of misfeatures or security holes on the target system to
   do untoward things.  2. Disapproving mail, esp. from a
   {net.god}, pursuant to a violation of {netiquette} or a
   complaint about failure to correct some mail- or news-transmission
   problem.  Compare {shitogram}, {mailbomb}.  3. A status
   report from an unhappy, and probably picky, customer.  "What'd
   Corporate say in today's nastygram?"  4. [deprecated] An error
   reply by mail from a {daemon}; in particular, a {bounce
   message}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nat Goldstein and Jim Simmons in Florida, Curtis Beseda out west who has
 destroyed abortion clinics, these men are looked up to by my arm of the
 movement as the foremost heroes of the movement ....
 -- James J. Condit, Jr., Cincinnatus Party's perennial candidate for city
      council, Mike Cuthbert Show, WCKY_AM, 1/22/87, as quoted in The Far
       Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
:Nathan Hale: n. An asterisk (see also {splat}, {{ASCII}}).  Oh,
   you want an etymology?  Notionally, from "I regret that I have only
   one asterisk for my country!", a misquote of the famous remark
   uttered by Nathan Hale just before he was hanged.  Hale was a
   (failed) spy for the rebels in the American War of Independence.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NATHAN...  your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!!
 They're VOIDED - They COLLAPSED
 They had no CHAINSAWS...  They had no MONEY MACHINES...
 They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS...
 Nathan, I EMULATED them...  but they were OFF-KEY...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
National Airport:  The combat zone.
%%
National hatred is something peculiar.  You will always find it
strongest and most violent where there is the lowest degree of culture.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
NATIONAL Headline : BRAIN LEADS POLLS!
%%
National Healthcare: medicine with postal efficiency & IRS compassion.
%%
Nationalism is an infantile sickness.  It is the measles of the human
race.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Nationalize crime.  Make sure it doesn't pay.
%%
National Lampoon Staff Anthropologist at large
%%
National Needs Department: What this nation dearly needs is a tax system
 which looks like it was designed for some purpose other than robbery.
%%
National Psychic Society   You KNOW where the meetings are.
%%
National Public Radio reported this morning that East-West Massage
College of Portland, Oregon will be offering free massages on April 15th,
"to reduce the stress associated with filing taxes."
%%
National security is in your hands - guard it well.
%%
National security is the chief cause of national insecurity.
%%

Nations and empires flourish and decay, By turns command, and in
their turns obey.
 -- Ovid
%%
NATIVE AMAZONIANS do it with poison tips down along narrow tubes.
%%
Native Americans do it with reservations.
%%
Native Aping:
 Pretending to be a native when visiting a foreign destination.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn
to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
 -- Mary Ellen Kelly
%%
Nato Ergo Sum
%%
NATO Integrated Communications System Telegraph Automatic Relay
Equipment.  What a mouthful!
%%
NATR: National Association of Tagline Recyclers.
%%
Natural abilities are like natural plants; they need pruning by study.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Natural amiableness is too often seen in company with sloth, with
uselessness, with the vanity of fashionable life.
 -- William Ellery Channing (1780-1842)
%%
Natural causes? What in Nature could cause that?
 -- Picard, "Unnatural Selection", stardate 42494.8
%%
Natural language == Lisp without parenthesis
%%
Natural laws have no pity.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Naturally the common people don't want war... but after all it is the
 leaders of a country who determine policy, and it is always a simple
 matter to drag the people along ... All you have to do is tell them
 they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of
 patriotism and exposing the country to danger.
 -- Hermann Goering, 1936
%%
Naturally; they're Bass Masters at this sort of stuff.
%%
Naturally, within IBM we don't say 'traitor to the working class', we
say 'counter-strategic'.
%%
Natural Product: A substance that earns organic chemists fame and glory
   when they manage to systhesize it with great difficulty,
   while Nature gets no credit for making it with great
   ease.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Natural resources and inanimate energy ... are increasingly regarded as
affected with a public interest... Certainly they were left by God or
geology to mankind and not to the Standard Oil Company of California.
If this is not sound moral doctrine, I do not know what is.
 -- Stuart Chase (1888-?)
%%
Natural selection won't matter soon, not anywhere as much as conscious
selection.  We will civilize and alter ourselves to suit our ideas of
what we can be.  Within one more human lifespan, we will have changed
ourselves unrecognizably.
 -- Greg Bear
%%
Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of
 conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the
 fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he
 is most likely to be creamed?
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Nature abhors a hero.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
 -- Campbell's Law
%%
Nature abhors a vacuum.
%%
Nature abhors normality.
 -- Dr. Blockhead, X-files
%%
Nature abhors people.
 -- Thine's law
%%
Nature abhors second order differential equations.
%%
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  9
%%
Nature and books belong to the eyes that see them.
 -- Emerson
%%
Nature and Nature's laws lay hid in night:
God said, "Let Newton be!" and all was light.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epitaph intended for Sir Isaac Newton
It did not last; the devil howling
"Ho! Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
 -- Sir John Collins Squire
 -- A Random Walk in Science compiled by R. L. Weber, edited by E. Mendoza
%%
Nature cannot be commanded except by being obeyed.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626), Plan of the works
%%
Nature didn't make us perfect so she did the next best thing.
She made us blind to our faults.
 -- Grit
%%
Nature does nothing uselessly.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Nature draws the line.  I just keep crossing that sucker.
%%
Nature, exerting an unwearied power,
Forms, opens, and gives scent to every flower;
Spreads the fresh verdure of the field, and leads
The dancing Naiads through the dewy meads.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Table Talk, Line 690
%%
Nature fits all her children with something to do.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- A Fable for Critics
%%
Nature forms us for ourselves, not for others; to be, not to seem.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xxxvii,
 -- Of the Resemblance of Children to their Brothers
%%
Nature gave man two ends-one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since
then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most.
 -- George R. Kirkpatrick
%%
Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit
 the face you have at fifty.
 -- Coco Chanel
%%
Nature has given us two ears but only one mouth.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Nature has given women so much power that the law has
 very wisely given them little.
 -- Dr.  Johnson
%%
Nature has neither kernel nor shell; she is everything at once.
 -- Goethe
%%
Nature her custom holds,
Let shame say what it will.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
Nature here was so lavish of her store, That she bestow'd until she
had no more.
 -- Brown
%%
Nature in you stands on the very verge
Of her confine.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Nature is a book of which God is the author.
%%
Nature is always lovely, invincible, glad, whatever is done and suffered by
her creatures. All scars she heals, whether in rocks or water or sky or
hearts.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Nature is a mother.
%%
Nature is a mutable cloud, which is always and never the same.
 -- Emerson
%%
Nature is a revelation of God.
Art is a revelation of man.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Nature is cruel. If you don't believe me...look in the mirror.
%%
Nature is ever at work building and pulling down, creating and destroying,
keeping everything whirling and flowing, allowing no rest but in rhythmical
motion, chasing everything in endless song out of one beautiful form into
another.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Nature is fine in love, and where 't is fine,
It sends some precious instance of itself
After the thing it loves.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
Nature is indifferent to our love, but never unfaithful.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Nature is mighty. Art is mighty. Artifice is weak. For nature is
the work of a mightier power than man. Art is the work of man under
the guidance and the inspiration of a mightier power. Artifice is
the work of mere man in the imbecility of his mimic understanding.
%%
Nature is not human-hearted.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
Nature is the art of God.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part i, Sect. xvi
%%
Nature is the chart of God, mapping out all His attributes; art
is the shadow of His wisdom, and copieth His resources.
 -- Tupper
%%
Nature is usually wrong.
 -- James McNeill Whistler
%%
Nature is very un-American.   Nature never hurries.
 -- William George Jordan
%%
Nature, like Maimonides said, is mainly a good place to throw beer cans on
Sunday afternoons.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Nature, like people sometimes weeps for gladness.
%%
Nature loves a vacuum. Digital doesn't.
 -- DEC sales letter
%%
Nature never deceives us; it is always we who deceive ourselves.
 -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile
%%
Nature often enshrines gallant and noble hearts in weak bosoms- oftenest,
God bless her!- in female breasts.
 -- Dickens
%%
Nature (reality) is just as absolutist as chess, and her rules (laws)
are just as immutable (more so) -- but her rules and their applications
are much, much more complex, and have to be discovered by man.  And
just as a man may memorize the rules of chess, but has to use his own
mind in order to apply them, i.e., in order to play well -- so each
man has to use his own mind in order to apply the rules of nature, i.e.,
in order to live successfully.       A long time ago, the grandmaster of
all grandmasters gave us the basic principles of the method by which
one discovers the rules of nature and of life.       His name was Aristotle.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
Nature 's above art in that respect.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 6
%%
Nature teaches beasts to know their friends.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
"Nature teaches more than she preaches.  There are
 no sermons in stones.      It is easier to get a spark
 than a moral."
 -- John Burroughs (1837-1921)
%%
Nature, the vicar of the Almightie Lord.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Assembly of Fowles, Line 379
%%
Nature, they say, doth dote,
  And cannot make a man
  Save on some worn-out plan,
Repeating us by rote.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Ode at the Harvard Commemoration, July 21, 1865
%%
Nature to all things fixed the limits fit,
And wisely curbed proud man's pretending wit.
As on the land while here the ocean gains,
In other parts it leaves wide sandy plains;
Thus in the soul while memory prevails,
The solid power of understanding fails;
Where beams of warm imagination play,
The memory's soft figures melt away.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744), (on runtime bounds checking?)
%%
Nature understands no jesting.  She is always true, always serious,
always severe.  She is always right, and the errors are always those of
man.
 -- Goethe
%%
 ... Nature, whose sweet rains fall of just and unjust alike, will have
clefts in the rocks where I may hide, and secret valleys in whose silence
I may weep undetected.  She will hang the night with stars so that I may
walk abroad in the darkness without stumbling, and send the wind over my
footprints so that none may track me to my hurt: she will cleanse me in
great waters, and with bitter herbs make me whole.
 -- Oscar Wilde,
 -- De Profundis
%%
Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
Naught so sweet as melancholy.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, The Author's Abstract
%%
Naught venture naught have.
 -- Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580)
 -- October's Abstract
%%
NAVEL:
        A place to stash your gum on the way down.
%%
Navigation Buoys don't shoot at you.
%%
navigation: science of becoming temporarily disoriented. because
instruments don't lie, and because art is truth, mountaineers are
never lost.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Navigators can show you the way.
%%
NAVIGATOR-----<Spouse on a trip in the car, with road map in her lap.
%%
Navy Interrogator: "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life!  Of
  course he's a Ruskie, but he's a *retard* or something!"
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Navy, Just Another Adventure by Milton Bradley
%%
NAVY: Never Again Volunteer Yourself
%%
Navy, not just a job, but an adventure.
%%
Navy Photo School: Get 100 feet of chow line.
%%
Navy Photo School: Get a bottle of focusing fluid.
%%
Navy Photo School: Get a box of f-stops.
%%
Navy Photo School: Get a dock stretcher.
%%
Nay, an thou 'lt mouth,
I 'll rant as well as thou.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Nay, then, let the devil wear black, for I 'll have a suit of sables.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Nazis!  I hate those guys.
 -- Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade
%%
NBAcious: last ditch effort of a player as the buzzer goes off.
%%
NBC announced plans for a new show this fall that essentially revives
an old show: "The FBI".
Scripts are only now being worked on, but the theme music for the show
has already been decided:
    "We didn't start the fire..."
%%
NBC: Negate By Clearing
%%
NBCS: B3/4 w+ f+ g(-) k+ s+ m p(+)
%%
NBRM: Unconditional No BRanch Multiple
%%
NBR: Unconditional No BRanch
%%
N-C-C-One-Seven-Oh-One. No bloody A, B, C, or D. Scotty
%%
NCW: Notch Carriage and Way
%%
NDA? I am not at liberty to disclose if I'm under one..
%%
Neanderthalers, low of forehead,
Slunk through prehistoric mists
Thinking men were pretty horrid
-Using spears against their fists!
%%
Near beer sold here but no beer sold near here.
%%
Nearby is an ornate egyptian ankh.
%%
Nearby my blankets beckon with promises of warm, cozy dreams.
Nearer still, my computer beckons with threats of catastrophe at work.
Sleep can wait.
%%
Nearer, my God, to Thee!
Nearer to Thee!
E'en though it be a cross
That raiseth me,
Still all my song shall be,
Nearer, my God, to Thee!
Nearer to Thee!
%%
Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost
 certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little care in this very
 imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates.  But the
 real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.
%%
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Nearly all of Latin America, from Chile to Mexico, is one long rack of
torture. Financed, equipped, and refined by the U.S. government.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Near the lake where drooped the willow,
    Long time ago!
 -- George P. Morris (1802-1864)
 -- Near the Lake
%%
:neat hack: n. 1. A clever technique.  2. A brilliant practical
   joke, where neatness is correlated with cleverness, harmlessness,
   and surprise value.  Example: the Caltech Rose Bowl card display
   switch (see "{The Meaning of `Hack'}", appendix A).  See
   also {hack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Neat Shirts: Preston Ironed
%%
:neats vs. scruffies: n. The label used to refer to one of the
   continuing {holy wars} in AI research.  This conflict tangles
   together two separate issues.  One is the relationship between
   human reasoning and AI; `neats' tend to try to build systems
   that `reason' in some way identifiably similar to the way humans
   report themselves as doing, while `scruffies' profess not to
   care whether an algorithm resembles human reasoning in the least as
   long as it works.  More importantly, neats tend to believe that
   logic is king, while scruffies favor looser, more ad-hoc methods
   driven by empirical knowledge.  To a neat, scruffy methods appear
   promiscuous, successful only by accident, and not productive of
   insights about how intelligence actually works; to a scruffy, neat
   methods appear to be hung up on formalism and irrelevant to the
   hard-to-capture `common sense' of living intelligences.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nebraska is proof that hell is full and the dead are walking the earth.
 -- Lizz Winstead
%%
Necessity has no law.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xv
%%
Necessity has no law; I know some Lawyers of the same.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Necessity has no law.
 -- Saint Augustine (354-430)
 -- Soliloquium Animae ad Deum
%%
Necessity is a mother.
%%
Necessity is a Mother -- no invention!
%%
Necessity is the mother of reading to most students.
%%
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
 -- Farber's Fourth Law
%%
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Necessity is the plea of every infringement of human freedom.
 It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
 -- William Pitt (1759-1806) speech on the India Bill, Nov. 18, 1783
%%
Necessity knows no law except to conquer.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 553
%%
Necessity never made a good bargain.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Necessity's sharp pinch!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Necessity sure is the mother of all invention. It is also
the mother of a few other choice things!
%%
Necessity, the mother of invention.
 -- George Farquhar (1678-1707)
 -- The Twin Rivals, Act i
%%
Neckties strangle clear thinking.
 -- Lin Yutang
%%
NecroARMicon - dead C++ programmers reference.
%%
Necrocomidian - Book of dead jokes
%%
Necrohippoflagellaphilia: (n) Love Of Beating A Dead Horse.
%%
NECROPHILIACS do it cryptically
%%
NECROPHILIACS do it until they are dead tired
%%
Necrophiliacs find you attractive.
%%
NECROPHILIA:
  Dropping in for a cold one.
%%
Necrophilia means never having to say...well, anything.
%%
Necrotelecomunicon: Book of Dead phone Numbers
%%
Necrotelecomunicon: Death's fax machine.
%%
NECTAR, n.  A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities.  The
secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe
that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.

    Juno drank a cup of nectar,
    But the draught did not affect her.
    Juno drank a cup of rye --
    Then she bad herself good-bye.
                                                                  J.G.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Need a good laugh? Listen to a Joycelyn Elders speech.
%%
Need a hat and thigh-high BOOTS for that one!
%%
Need an organist?  E-Mail me!
%%
Need any help?
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91 addressing
     announced 74,000 layoffs
%%
Needed: new search routine for organic memory module!
%%
Need help to shorten phone number!  Call 1-800-345-7895-22345568-32357-53688
%%
NEEDLE
  An object of evil. It was devised by the evil Count Pierre
  deNeedle, one of those French bastards who wore a top hat and was
  always tying maidens to railway tracks in deserted black-and-white
  valleys, and setting off nuclear bombs on peaceful Pacific islands.
  The needle was designed for two purposes:
    - To be found in unexpected places by sitting on it, catching
      your finger on it, or having some other part of your anatomy
      punctured by it, followed by a loud hailing from the vocal
      chords, often the phrase "shit!"
    - To infuriate any person trying to sew, by waiting until you
      are just about to get the thread through the little hole, then
      concentrating all its energies and moving two millimetres to
      the right.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Need money? Sell your corpses to a tin factory.
%%
Needs another brain to make half-wit.
%%
Needs are a function of what other people have.
 -- Jone's Principle
%%
Needs both hands to wipe his behind.
%%
Needs his sleeves lengthened by a couple of feet so they
%%
Needs must when the Devil drives.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. lvii
%%
:neep-neep: /neep neep/ [onomatopoeic, from New York SF fandom]
   n. One who is fascinated by computers.  Less specific than
   {hacker}, as it need not imply more skill than is required to
   boot games on a PC.  The derived noun `neeping' applies
   specifically to the long conversations about computers that tend to
   develop in the corners at most SF-convention parties (the term
   `neepery' is also in wide use).  Fandom has a related proverb to
   the effect that "Hacking is a conversational black hole!".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Neestiko arkoudi dhen horevee.
%%
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
 -- Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations
%%
Negative slack tends to increase.
 -- Wynne's Law
%%
"Negative, sucker.  You need a smoking pistol and you know it."
  "Right you are.  Where are those handguns when we really need them?"
 -- Doonesbury
%%
NEGRO, n.  The _piece de resistance_ in the American political
problem.  Representing him by the letter n, the Republicans begin to
build their equation thus:  "Let n = the white man."  This, however,
appears to give an unsatisfactory solution.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
NEIGHBOR, n.  One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who
does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Neighbors!!  We got neighbors!  We ain't supposed to have any
neighbors, and I just had to shoot one.
 -- Post Brothers Comics
%%
NEIGHBOUR
  One of those people you occasionally smile at when walking down the
  street, but rarely develop such a bond with that they are concerned
  when your burglar alarm goes off when you're on holiday.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
"NEIGHBOURS"
  Australia's revenge on Britain for constant royal tours.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Neil Armstrong, Astronaut, First man on the moon, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Neil Armstrong tripped!
%%
NEIL INNES PLAYED: THE FIRST SELF-DESTRUCTIVE MONK, ROBIN'S LEAST FAVORITE
                   MINSTREL, THE PAGE CRUSHED BY A RABBIT, THE OWNER OF A DUCK
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Nein! I haff vorgotten ze passvort! How inconweenient!
%%
Neither a borrower nor a lender be at less than 18 percent per annum
compounded daily.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Neither a Borrower: Nora Lender Bee
%%
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Neither a burrower nor a lentil bee.
 -- Wm. Snakespeare
%%
Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both
together go to the making of genius.  Love, love, love, that is the soul
of genius.
 -- Mozart
%%
Neither an Optimist nor a Pessimist-- Only a Realist.
%%
Neither a panhandler nor a Laplander be.
%%
Neither cast ye your pearls before swine.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 6
%%
Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.  For herein is the evil of
ignorance, that he who is neither good nor wise is nevertheless
satisfied with himself; he has no desire for that of which he feels no
want.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Neither fear, nor wish for, your last day.
 -- Martial (40-102 AD)
 -- Epigram x, 47
%%
Neither great poverty, nor great riches, will hear reason.
 -- Fielding
%%
Neither hand nor mind can accomplish much without tools.
 -- Emerson
%%
Neither make thy friend equal to a brother; but if thou shalt have
made him so, be not the first to do him wrong.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 707
%%
Neither Papa nor Mama nor the schools taught me about sex, at least not
 officially. I wanted to know, but no one sat down to give me a sex organ
 recital. Mama certainly couldn't do it, in spite of the fact that she had
 given birth to ten children. When asked if she had ever heard of "sex
 appeal," she said, "I gave already."
 -- Sam Levenson
%%
Neither rain or snow or l?ne noise..
%%
Neither rhyme nor reason.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Neither soldiers nor money can defend a king
but only friends won by good deeds, merit, and honesty.
 -- Sallust, "De bello Iugurthino"
%%
Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
%%
Neither the Declaration of Independence nor the Articles of
Confederation nor any of the first state constitutions had mentioned the
word "republic."  At the time, it was like a red flag to conservatives
everywhere.
 -- Charles Austin (1874-1948) and Mary R. Beard (1876-1958)
%%
Neither the sun nor death can be looked at with a steady eye.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 26
%%
Neither trust, nor contend, nor lay wagers, nor lend; and you'll have peace
 to your lives' end.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Neither we nor the Hun favour fighting our battles 'au naturelle'
But sir, it's artistic, it's...willing suspension of disbelief.
Well, I'm not having anyone staring in disbelief at _my_ willy
  suspension...
 -- Edmund and George : Captain Cook
%%
NEKKED: nude.  "She was in the pool nekked as a jaybird!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Nemo me impune lacessit [No one provokes me with impunity]
 -- Motto of the Crown of Scotland
%%
:neophilia: /nee`oh-fil'-ee-*/ n. The trait of being excited and
   pleased by novelty.  Common among most hackers, SF fans, and
   members of several other connected leading-edge subcultures,
   including the pro-technology `Whole Earth' wing of the ecology
   movement, space activists, many members of Mensa, and the
   Discordian/neo-pagan underground.  All these groups overlap heavily
   and (where evidence is available) seem to share characteristic
   hacker tropisms for science fiction, {{music}}, and {{oriental
   food}}.  The opposite tendency is `neophobia'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Neophyte's serendipity
[ beginners luck ]
%%
Nepotism is relational.
%%
NEPOTISM, n.  Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of
the party.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Nepotism: togetherness with pay.
%%
Neral: "It's been years since 'ol Pardek's been invited to an official
function.
  He's, he's far too attached to the common man for most people's comfort."
Spock: "That is their loss.  I have found Pardek to have a unique insight into
  many issues."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Neral: "Jolan tru, Spock.  Oh...live long and prosper."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Neral: "Let me tell you something, Spock.  We are going to start something
here,
  you and I, that will redraw the face of the quadrant."
Spock: "Are you prepared to support reunification?"
Neral: "I believe must eventually come.  Our two worlds need each other."
Spock: "Forgive me, I...I did not expect to hear a Romulan proconsul speak like
  a member of your underground."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Neral: "Times are changing.  And leaders who refuse to change with them, well,
  will no longer be leaders."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Neral: "What do you know of this human?  Jean-Luc Picard.  A Starfleet
captain?"
Pardek: "I know nothing of him."
Neral: "Then you haven't seen him recently."
Pardek: "To my knowledge I have never seen him."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Nerd Measle: An ink spot at the bottom of a shirt pocket.
%%
NERD PACK:
    Plastic pouch worn in breast pocket to keep pens from soiling
 clothes.  Nerd's position in engineering hierarchy can be
     measured by number of pens, grease pencils, and rulers bristling
      in his pack.
%%
Nerds design ditches, jocks dig them.
%%
NERDS do it in Rot13
%%
Nerds, don't like phone sex, it means we have to unplug the modem.
%%
Nerds having sex: "Oooh!  Interface me!"
%%
NERDs: N.ot E.xactly R.eal D.orks...
%%
Nerve Center: Where the spine is misaligned!
%%
Nervous:  Asking which wine goes best with fingernails.
%%
Nessun maggior dolore, Che ricordarsi del tempo felice Nella miseria;
 -- Dante (1265-1321), Inferno, Canto v, Line 121
There is no greater sorrow
Than to be mindful of the happy time In misery.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
%%
:NetBOLLIX: [from bollix: to bungle] n. {IBM}'s NetBIOS, an
   extremely {brain-damaged} network protocol that, like {Blue
   Glue}, is used at commercial shops that don't know any better.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:netburp: [IRC] n. When {netlag} gets really bad, and delays
   between servers exceed a certain threshhold, the {IRC} network
   effectively becomes partitioned for a period of time, and large
   numbers of people seem to be signing off at the same time and then
   signing back on again when things get better.  An instance of this
   is called a `netburp' (or, sometimes, {netsplit}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:netdead: [IRC] n. The state of someone who signs off {IRC},
   perhaps during a {netburp}, and doesn't sign back on until
   later.  In the interim, he is "dead to the net".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ne te confundant illegitimi
%%
:net.god: /net god/ n. Accolade referring to anyone who satisfies
   some combination of the following conditions: has been visible on
   USENET for more than 5 years, ran one of the original backbone
   sites, moderated an important newsgroup, wrote news software, or
   knows Gene, Mark, Rick, Mel, Henry, Chuq, and Greg personally.  See
   {demigod}.  Net.goddesses such as Rissa or the Slime Sisters
   have (so far) been distinguished more by personality than by
   authority.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NetHack is addictive.  Too late, you're already hooked.
%%
NetHack is a fantasy, in fact you're dreaming.
%%
:nethack: /net'hak/ [UNIX] n. A dungeon game similar to
   {rogue} but more elaborate, distributed in C source over
   {USENET} and very popular at UNIX sites and on PC-class machines
   (nethack is probably the most widely distributed of the freeware
   dungeon games).  The earliest versions, written by Jay Fenlason and
   later considerably enhanced by Andries Brouwer, were simply called
   `hack'.  The name changed when maintenance was taken over by a
   group of hackers originally organized by Mike Stephenson; the
   current contact address (as of mid-1993) is
   nethack-bugs@linc.cis.upenn.edu.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:netiquette: /net'ee-ket/ or /net'i-ket/ [portmanteau from "network
   etiquette"] n. The conventions of politeness recognized on {USENET},
   such as avoidance of cross-posting to inappropriate groups and
   refraining from commercial pluggery outside the biz groups.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:netlag: [IRC, MUD] n. A condition that occurs when the delays in
   the {IRC} network or on a {MUD} become severe enough that
   servers briefly lose and then reestablish contact, causing messages
   to be delivered in bursts, often with delays of up to a minute.
   (Note that this term has nothing to do with mainstream "jet lag",
   a condition which hackers tend not to be much bothered by.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Netmail doesn't exist; the Sysop types all this in!
%%
Net mail, now where did my opener go..
%%
:net.-: /net dot/ pref. [USENET] Prefix used to describe people and
   events related to USENET.  From the time before the {Great
   Renaming}, when most non-local newsgroups had names beginning
   `net.'.  Includes {net.god}s, `net.goddesses' (various
   charismatic net.women with circles of on-line admirers),
   `net.lurkers' (see {lurker}), `net.person',
   `net.parties' (a synonym for {boink}, sense 2), and
   many similar constructs.  See also {net.police}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Netnews is like yelling, "Anyone want to buy a used car?" in a crowded theater.
%%
:netnews: /net'n[y]ooz/ n. 1. The software that makes {USENET}
   run.  2. The content of USENET.  "I read netnews right after my
   mail most mornings."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:net.personality: /net per`sn-al'-*-tee/ n. Someone who has made a name
   for him or herself on {USENET}, through either longevity or
   attention-getting posts, but doesn't meet the other requirements of
   {net.god}hood.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:net.police: /net-p*-lees'/ n. (var. `net.cops') Those USENET
   readers who feel it is their responsibility to pounce on and
   {flame} any posting which they regard as offensive or in
   violation of their understanding of {netiquette}.  Generally
   used sarcastically or pejoratively.  Also spelled `net police'.
   See also {net.-}, {code police}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:netrock: /net'rok/ [IBM] n. A {flame}; used esp. on VNET,
   IBM's internal corporate network.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:netsplit: n. Syn. {netburp}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:netter: n. 1. Loosely, anyone with a {network address}.  2. More
   specifically, a {USENET} regular.  Most often found in the
   plural.  "If you post *that* in a technical group, you're
   going to be flamed by angry netters for the rest of time!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:network address: n. (also `net address') As used by hackers,
   means an address on `the' network (see {network, the}; this is
   almost always a {bang path} or {{Internet address}}).  Such an
   address is essential if one wants to be to be taken seriously by
   hackers; in particular, persons or organizations that claim to
   understand, work with, sell to, or recruit from among hackers but
   *don't* display net addresses are quietly presumed to be
   clueless poseurs and mentally flushed (see {flush}, sense 4).
   Hackers often put their net addresses on their business cards and
   wear them prominently in contexts where they expect to meet other
   hackers face-to-face (see also {{science-fiction fandom}}).  This
   is mostly functional, but is also a signal that one identifies with
   hackerdom (like lodge pins among Masons or tie-dyed T-shirts among
   Grateful Dead fans).  Net addresses are often used in email text as
   a more concise substitute for personal names; indeed, hackers may
   come to know each other quite well by network names without ever
   learning each others' `legal' monikers.  See also {sitename},
   {domainist}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Network:  An electronic means of allowing more than one person at a time to
     corrupt, trash, or otherwise cause permanent damage to useful data.
%%
Networked Sysops pick their nodes.
%%
Network error on server FS1: (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore?
%%
Network hackers know how to communicate.
%%
Networking is fun. Repeat as needed.
%%
Networking:  Now everyone is entitled to my opinion.
%%
Network is a network. Computer is a computer.
%%
Network management is like trying to herd cats...
%%
Network managers do it in many places at once.
%%
:network meltdown: n. A state of complete network overload; the
   network equivalent of {thrash}ing.  This may be induced by a
   {Chernobyl packet}.  See also {broadcast storm}, {kamikaze
   packet}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Networks should be labeled NOT-WORKS!!!
%%
:network, the: n. 1. The union of all the major noncommercial,
   academic, and hacker-oriented networks, such as Internet, the old
   ARPANET, NSFnet, {BITNET}, and the virtual UUCP and {USENET}
   `networks', plus the corporate in-house networks and commercial
   time-sharing services (such as CompuServe) that gateway to them.  A
   site is generally considered `on the network' if it can be reached
   through some combination of Internet-style (@-sign) and UUCP
   (bang-path) addresses.  See {bang path}, {{Internet address}},
   {network address}.  2. A fictional conspiracy of libertarian
   hacker-subversives and anti-authoritarian monkeywrenchers described
   in Robert Anton Wilson's novel "Schr"odinger's Cat", to which
   many hackers have subsequently decided they belong (this is an
   example of {ha ha only serious}).

   In sense 1, `network' is often abbreviated to `net'.  "Are
   you on the net?" is a frequent question when hackers first meet
   face to face, and "See you on the net!" is a frequent goodbye.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Network - the occupation of a fisherman.
%%
NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing.
%%
Neuro-linguistic programming is simply the zig-zag and swirl of menorgs and
 disorgs acting under the suction and pressure of the morphogenetic field.
 -- Clark Brooks (clark@cataract.caltech.edu)
%%
Neurologists will discover that the voices you hear in your head are only
 echoes.
%%
Neuroses are red,
Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
What are you?
%%
Neurosis is a communicable disease.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Neurosis seems to be a human privilege.
 -- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
Neurotic means he is not as sensible as I am, and psychotic means he's
even worse than my brother-in-law.
 -- Karl Menninger
%%
Neurotic: person in a clash with himself.
%%
Neurotic: person who can't leave being well enough alone.
%%
Neurotics build castles in the sky,
Psychotics live in them,
And psychiatrists collect the rent.
%%
Neurotic: Self-taut person.
%%
Neurotoxin Lite! Tastes great. Less drooling.
%%
Neutral Greedy.
%%
Neutrinos are into physicists.
%%
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
%%
Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they're Catholic!
%%
NEUTRON BOMB:
 An explosive device of limited military value because,
        as it only destroys people without destroying property,
       it must be used in conjunction with bombs that destroy property.
%%
/nev/dull
%%
Never accept a drink from an urologist.
 -- Erma Bombeck's father
%%
Never accept brownies from a proctologist.
%%
Never admit anything. Never regret anything. Whatever it is, you're
not responsible.
%%
Never a dull moment!
%%
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
 -- Spanish Proverb
%%
Never agree with me, it shakes my self confidence.
%%
Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #6
%%
Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you
 long enough.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Never annoy a grizzly, he bears a grudge.
%%
Never apologize for showing feeling.  When you do so you apologize for
truth.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Never apologize, never explain.
 -- Benjamin Jowett (1817-1893)
 -- [Of whom it was said that what he didn't know wasn't knowledge.]
%%
Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one.
Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Never approach a Klingon when he's grumbling.
%%
Never argue with a computer....
 -- Avon
%%
Never argue with a dragon or a SYSOP.
%%
Never argue with a fool.  Someone watching may not be able to tell
the difference.
 -- First law of debate
%%
Never argue with a man carrying a water buffalo.
%%
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
 -- Greener's Law
%%
Never argue with an angry person.
%%
Never argue with anyone who buys ink by the gallon.
%%
Never argue with a Scorpio--even if you win, you lose
%%
Never argue with a Scorpio--it's frustrating and you'll
lose anyway
%%
Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.
%%
Never argue with a skunk, mule, cat, woman, or sysop.
%%
Never Argue With a Woman SysOp
%%
Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
NEVER argue with people who know they are right!
%%
Never argue with someone holding a Bazooka!
%%
Never argue with the fabricating plant about an error. The inspection
prints are all checked off, even to the holes that aren't there.
%%
Never ascribe to an opponent motives meaner than your own.
 -- John M. Barrie
%%
Never ascribe to malice that which is caused by greed and ignorance.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
Never ask a bard to play the banjo.
%%
Never ask a hungry cat if it loves you for yourself!
%%
Never ask a mortician to go out and bring you back a cold one.
 -- the Stilt Man
%%
Never ask a question of a witness if you don't already know the answer.
 -- Old Adage
%%
Never ask a question unless the answer makes a difference.
%%
Never ask a shopkeeper for a price list.
%%
Never ask a streetside entertainment center if it wants to be turned on.
 -- Pete Barlow
%%
Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick, you'll be washing
  spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
 -- Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
Never ask if the waiter has chicken breasts. You might find out!
%%
Never ask of money spent.
 Where the spender thinks it went.
 Nobody was ever meant
 To remember or invent
 What he did with every cent.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Never ask the customer if they did it--in case they tell you.
 -- First rule of murder
 -- Horace Rumpole (John Mortimer)
%%
Never ask two questions in a business letter.
The reply will discuss the one in which you are
least interested and say nothing about the other.
 -- Weed's Axiom
%%
Never assume anybody is less than crazy.
%%
Never assume anything except a 4 1/2 percent mortgage.
 -- David Kindred
%%
Never assume malice where stupidity would suffice.
%%
Never "assume" or you'll make an "ass" of "u" and "me".
%%
Never attack a guard.
%%
Never attempt to distract a masturbating gorilla.
%%
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
 -- Hanlon's Razor
%%
Never a victim without retribution!!
%%
Never be angry when a fool acts like a fool.  It's better when fools identify
themselves...it removes so much uncertainty.
 -- Lord Peace
%%
Never be a pioneer.  It's the Early Christian that gets the fattest lion.
 -- H. H. Munro
%%
Never be ashamed of being a Scout.
%%
Never be boastful; someone may come along who knew you as a child.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Never become involved with someone who can make you lose stature if the
 relation becomes known...sleep UP.
%%
Never been better.  Just once I'd like to be better.
 -- Norm Peterson
%%
Never be entirely idle; but either be reading, or writing, or praying, or
meditating, or endeavoring something for the public good.
 -- Tomas Kempis
%%
Never before has pornography been this rampant.
 And those films are lit so badly!
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Never before have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded
perversity!   Have you ever considered a career in the Church?
 --  Black Adder II
%%
Never before have so few puked so much on so many.
%%
Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the
 oppressor.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
%%
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
 -- Claud Cockburn
%%
Never believe in mirrors or newspapers.
 -- John Osborne
%%
Never be possessive. If a female friend lets on that she is going out with
 another man, be kind and understanding. If she says she would like to go
 out with the Dallas Cowboys, including the coaching staff, the same rule
 applies. Tell her: "Kath, you just go right ahead and do what you feel is
 right." Unless you actually care for her, in which case you must see to it
 that she has no male contact whatsoever.
 -- Bruce Jay Friedman
%%
Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you.
If you think his window is closed and he can't hear you, it isn't and he can.
 -- Andrea's Admonition
%%
Never bet on a loser because his luck is bound to change.
 -- Las Vegas Law
%%
Never bet on the nag that runs under the name "Glue Factory Reject."
%%
Never bet with a man named "One-Iron."
 -- Tom Sharp
%%
Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Never bow to authority, but always tip your hat.
 -- Jim Fiebig
%%
Never brag about your ancestors coming over on the Mayflower; the
 immigration laws weren't as strict in those days.
 -- Lew Lehr
%%
Never break your putter and driver in the same match or you're dead.
 -- Tommy Bolt
%%
Never build after you are five and forty; have five years' income in
hand before you lay a brick; and always calculate the expense at
double the estimate.
 -- Kent
%%
Never buy a thing you don't want merely because it is dear.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Never buy at the bottom, and always sell too soon.
 -- Jesse L. Livermore
%%
Never buy what you do not want
because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Never call a man a fool. Instead, borrow from him.
%%
Never characterise the importance of a statement in advance.
 -- Ross' Law
%%
Never cite sources whether they exist or not.
 -- Liberal Rule # 3
%%
Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
%%
Never commit yourself to a cheese without having first examined it.
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Never complain and never explain.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Never conduct negotiations before 10 a.m. or after 4 p.m.
Before 10 you appear too anxious, and after 4 they think
you're desperate.
 -- Eddie's First Law of Business
%%
Never confuse activity with results.
 -- Lou Gerstner
%%
Never confuse an open mind with one that's vacant.
%%
Never confuse endurance with hospitality
%%
Never contend with a man who has nothing to lose.
 -- Baltasar Gracian
%%
Never contend with one that is foolish, proud, positive, testy, or with
a superior, or a clown, in a matter of argument.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
 Never contradict yourself always.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Never cooperate with conservatives.
 -- Liberal Rule #34
%%
Never co-sign.
 -- Al McGuire
%%
Never counsel for contraception or refer to agencies making contraceptives
 available.   Some volunteers may feel that it is the lesser of two evils,
 reasoning that if the girl is going to be sexually active anyway, why not
 at least help her from getting pregnant with contraceptives.  This type of
 thinking is not only inaccurate but unacceptable and against the general
 pro-life philosophy, and Christian principles.
 -- Robert J. Pearson, President, The Pearson Foundation, in his guidebook,
     _How to Start and Operate a Pro-Life Out-Reach Pregnancy Service Center,
     1984, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned
      Parenthood pamphlet
%%
Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off
%%
Never create a problem for which you don't have the answer.
 -- Burke's Rule
Create problems for which only you have the answer.
 -- Corollary
%%
Never create by law what can be accomplished by morality.
 -- Charles-Louis Secondat Baron de Montesquieu
%%
Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs. When they are
growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent (quite properly)
any invasion of their privacy. Oh, sure, they'll make mistakes--but
that's their business, not yours. (YOU made your own mistakes, did you
not?)
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey.
 -- "Pappy" Maverick (in Maverick)
%%
Never cut what you can untie.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
Never cut what you can untie.
 -- Joseph Joubert, essayist
%%
Never dare to judge until you've heard all.
 -- Euripides
%%
Never date a girl named "Ruby."
 -- Tom Waits
%%
Never date a woman whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are she
 believes it.
 -- Wes Smith
%%
Never decide to buy anything while listening to the salesman.
 -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
%%
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
%%
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
%%
Never despise fashion. It's what we have instead of God.
 -- Malcolm Bradbury
%%
Never die while doing something stupid.
That will be what people remember about you.
%%
Never discuss love with a tennis player, it means nothing to them.
%%
Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
 Never do anything clever on a Friday afternoon.
 -- Laws of Computer Programming
%%
Never do anything for the first time.
 -- Paul Herbig
%%
Never do anything standing that you can do sitting, or anything
sitting that you can do lying down.
%%
Never do anything stupid.
 -- Ben Crenshaw
%%
Never do anything twice that you don't have to do at all.
%%
Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing.
 -- ROCKEFELLER'S PRINCIPLE
%%
Never do a thing concerning the rectitude of which you are in doubt.
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book i, Letter xviii, 5
%%
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
 -- Murphy's Forty-Fourth Law
%%
Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another.
 -- Juvenal, Satires
%%
Never do today what you can do tomorrow.
Something may occur to make you regret your premature action.
 -- Aaron Burr
%%
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
 -- Matthew Browne, "Lilliput Levee"
%%
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #14
%%
Never drink beer made by someone who keeps Clydesdale horses.
%%
Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.
 -- Jilly Cooper
%%
Never drink coke in a moving elevator.
The elevator's motion coupled with the
chemicals in coke produce hallucinations.
People tend to change into lizards
and attack without warning,
and large bats usually fly in the window.
Additionally, you begin to believe
that elevators have windows.
%%
Never drink from your finger bowl - it contains only water.
%%
Never drink whisky on an empty ulcer!
%%
Never drop your gun to hug a bear.
 -- H. E. Palmer
%%
Never eat any place where they mark the rest-room doors in any fashion but
 "Men" and "Women" or "Ladies" and "Gentlemen." Especially do not eat in a
 restaurant that specializes in seafood and marks its rest-room doors
 "Buoys" and "Gulls," because they have been too busy thinking up cutesy
 names for the rest-room doors to really pay attention to the food.
 -- Lewis Grizzard
%%
 Never eat anything bigger than your head.
 -- Kliban's First Law of Dining
%%
Never eat anything that winks at you.
%%
Never eat anything with suction cups.
 -- "Alf"
%%
Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And
never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
 -- Nelson Algren, "What Every Young Man Should Know"
%%
NEVER eat children!  You don't know where they've been!
%%
Never eat Chinese food in Oklahoma.
 -- David Bryan
%%
Never eat crackers in bed.
 -- Anonymous
%%
Never eat in a place with sliding doors unless you're crazy about raw fish.
%%
Never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and
 won't stand still.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
Never eat in a restaurant where there's a photo of the chef with Sammy
 Davis, Jr.
 -- "Alf"
%%
Never eat in a restaurant where you see a cockroach bench-pressing a burrito.
 -- Pat McCormick
%%
Never eat more than you can lift.
 -- Miss Piggy
%%
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
%%
Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
 -- Pecor's Health-Food Principle
%%
Never eat with glowing hands!
%%
Never economize on luxuries.
 -- Angela Thirkell
%%
Never elated when one man 's oppress'd;
Never dejected while another 's bless'd.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 323
%%
Never encourage Politicians, Fools, or Punsters!
%%
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
%%
Never enter a subway where the security guard has graffiti on his face.
%%
Never enter the dungeon naked!  The monsters will laugh at you!
%%
Never envy a person unless you are willing to swap identities with that
 person.
%%
Never esteem anything as of advantage to thee that shall make thee
break thy word or lose thy self-respect.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 7
%%
   Never ever ask the tough looking gentleman wearing El Rukn
headgear where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer".
 -- Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #36
 -- Chicago Reader 3/27/81
%%
Never, ever draw to an inside flush.
%%
Never, ever, ever attempt to learn thermodynamics.
%%
NEVER EVER mess with a PCB jumper you don't understand, even if it's
labelled "SEX AND FREE BEER".
 -- Dave Haynie
%%
Never, EVER trust a draft dodger....
%%
Never...ever...try to be funny in my presence again, Percy.
 -- Edmund: Head
%%
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
%%
Never expect a quick answer from a pipe smoker. He will always fiddle with
 his pipe first. That's the real reason he smokes a pipe.
 -- Roger Simon
%%
Never explain.
Your friends do not need it and your enemies will never believe you anyway.
 -- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
Never express yourself more clearly than you think.
 -- N. Bohr
%%
Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning.
 -- Marlo Thomas
%%
Never fear [the public] or despise it. Coax it, charm it, interest it,
 stimulate it, shock it now and then if you must, make it laugh, make it
 cry, but above all ... never, never, never bore the hell out of it.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
Never feed your cat anything that clashes with the carpet!
%%
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife. She has
 thought much worse things about you.
 -- Jean Rostand
%%
Never feel self-pity, the most destructive emotion there is.
How awful to be caught up in the terrible squirrel cage of self.
 -- Millicent Fenwick
%%
Never fight a monster: you might get killed.
%%
Never fight an inanimate object.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Never fight fair with a stranger, boy. You'll never get out of the jungle
 that way.
 -- Ben Loman (in Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller)
%%
Never fight with a bear in his own cave.
%%
Never find your delight in another's misfortune.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 467
%%
Never fish for compliments. You'll only confuse people.
%%
Never fish in the sea of life without bait.
%%
Never fly under a sea gull - they'll shit on your airplane.
 -- Gordon Cooper
%%
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
%%
Never forget him, especially if he owes you money.
%%
Never Forget, Never!!!
%%
Never forget that the darkest hour is only sixty minutes.
%%
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #20
%%
Never forget to forgive those who have forgotten.
%%
Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Never 'for the sake of peace and quiet' deny your own experience or
convictions.
 -- Dag Hammarskjold
%%
Never fret about losing a single sock in the wash again.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Never generalize!!
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Never get a mime talking. He won't stop.
 -- Marcel Marceau
%%
Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with people.
 -- Don Corleone
%%
Never get angry, never make a threat. Reason with people.
 -- Marlon Brando (in The Godfather,
 screenplay by Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola)

 Don't carry a gun. It's nice to have them close by, but don't carry them.
 You might get arrested.
 -- John Gotti
%%
Never get caught acting.
 -- Lillian Gish
%%
Never get excited over how people look from behind.
 -- Gillenson's Law of Expectation
%%
Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic person and say, "Who do you
 think you are?"
 -- Ray Combs
%%
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
 -- The First Law of War
%%
Never get involved with someone who wants to change you.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
Never get married in the morning--you never know who you might meet that
 night.
 -- Paul Hornung
%%
Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start
 if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Never get out of bed before noon.
 -- Charles Bukowski
%%
Never get separated from your luggage.
 -- Rule of Life #1
%%
Never get too serious in life, because after serious, the next step is
 being dull, and after that it is a short step to boring.
%%
Never give advice...
A wise man won't need it
A fool won't heed it.
%%
Never give advice in a crowd.
 -- Arab Proverb
%%
Never give advice--it will just backfire on you.
 -- Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)
%%
Never give a feminizt an even break.
%%
Never give a gun to ducks.
%%
Never give an inch!
%%
Never give an inch!
When you have a foot!
%%
Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.
 -- Mickey Friedman
%%
Never give a power-of-attorney.
 -- Debbie Reynolds
%%
Never give a statist an even break.   The State has never given us one.
 -- Andre Marrou
%%
Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing,
great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of
honor and good sense.
 -- Winston Spencer Churchill (1874-1965)
 -- Address at Harrow School [October 29, 1941]
%%
Never give your money away to your children in your lifetime. Always keep
 control. If you don't, if you listen to the lawyers and the accountants,
 you'll find yourself being led up the steps of the nursing home.
 -- John D. Spooner
%%
Never go into a hug off balance.
%%
Never go into the dungeon at midnight.
%%
 Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a
 curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who
 lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by
 the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland...
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
 -- Bombeck's Rule of Medicine
%%
Never go to bed mad - stay up and fight.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
Never go to sea with two chronometers; take one or three.
%%
Never go up against a Sicilian when death's on the line!
%%
Never go with the odds.
%%
Never grow old where you once have been great.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
Never have a friend that's poorer than yourself.
 -- Douglas Jerrold
%%
Never have anything to do with an unlucky place, or an unlucky man. I have seen
many clever men, very clever men, who had not shoes to their feet. I never act
with them. Their advice sounds very well, but they cannot get on themselves;
and if they cannot do good to themselves, how can they do good for me?
 -- Baron Rothschild
%%
Never have so many understood so little about so much.
 -- James Burke
%%
Never have yourself tattooed with any woman's name, not even her initials.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
Never hit a man when he's down.  Kick him.  It's easier.
%%
Never hit a man when he's down.
You may find he's bigger than you when he gets up.
%%
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
%%
Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!
%%
Never hold anyone by the button or the hand in order to be heard out;
for if people are unwilling to hear you, you had better hold your tongue
than them.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Never hold discussions with the monkey
when the organ grinder is in the room.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Never insult a Ferengi's mother!
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #31
%%
Never insult an alligator, until you've crossed the river.
 -- Cordell Hull, former U.S. secretary of state
%%
Never insult seven men when all you're packing is a six-gun.
 -- Zane Grey
%%
Never insult someone you can't outrun.
%%
Never invent the first eleven rules.
 -- Pickett's Twelfth Law of False Prolificacy
%%
Never invest in any item that requires constant feeding, watering or
 painting.
%%
Never invest in anything that eats.
 -- Sorrell's Investment Principle
%%
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.
 -- Billy Rose
%%
Never invite a vampire in for a bite.
%%
Never invite Cthulhu over for a bite.
 -- Survival Tip #3
%%
Never invoke anything bigger than your head.
%%
Never is such a lonely word.
%%
Never jog while wearing wingtips--unless you are attending the Nerd
 Convention in Atlantic City.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
Never join a religion that has a water slide.
%%
Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife,
unless the one is about to be sold, and the other to be buried.
 -- Colton
%%
Never judge a book by its cover.
%%
Never judge a book by its movie.
 -- J. W. Eagan
%%
Never judge a day by the weather.
%%
Never judge a man by his taglines.
%%
Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his
friends.  People fall in love with the most appalling people.  Take a
cool, appraising glance at his pals.
 -- Cynthia Heimel
%%
Never jump on a man unless he is down, and when you do, make sure that you
 confuse him by supplying him with so many facts that he can not possibly
 understand what you are saying.
%%
Never justify anything. If it needs justification, it's already wrong.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Never keep shampoo in its original container--it's unsightly and
 commercial.
 -- Jerry Zipkin
%%
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
Never kick a man unless he's down.
%%
Never kick a man when he's down - he may get up.
%%
Never kick a sleeping dog.
%%
Never kill a man, especially if it means taking his life.
 -- Woody Allen, "Love and Death"
%%
Never king dropped out of the clouds.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Power
%%
Never kiss a lady on the hand, especially just after her return from one of
 those self-service gas stations.
%%
Never ... know a public man well enough that he inhibits you from writing
 about him frankly and fully while he's living his public life.
 -- Alistair Cooke
%%
Never laugh at live dragons.
 -- Bilbo Baggins
%%
Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool! he said to himself, and it
 became a favourite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb. You
 aren't nearly through this adventure yet, he added, and that was pretty
 true as well.
 -- Bilbo Baggins, _The Hobbit_ by J.R.R. Tolkien, Chapter XII
%%
Never lean forward to push an invisible object.
%%
Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone
 else to do it for you.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Never learn to type. If you do, someone will ask you to
do it.
%%
Never leave an enemy behind or it will rise again to fly at your throat.
 -- Shaka Zulu
%%
Never leave anything to chance;
make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
%%
Never leave hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.
 -- First Law of Wing-Walking
 -- Donald Herzberg
%%
Never leave that till to-morrow which you can do to-day.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my
 library are books that other folks have lent to me.
 -- Anatole France
%%
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.
%%
Never let a debt go unpaid... by you or to you.
%%
Never let a domestic quarrel ruin a day's writing. If your can't start
the next day fresh, get rid of your wife.
%%
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
 -- Joey Adams
%%
Never let an amateur whip you.
%%
Never let an inanimate object defeat you...
%%
Never let any mechanical device know you're in a hurry.
%%
Never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking.
 -- Marlon Brando (in The Godfather,
 screenplay by Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola)

 Never be haughty to the humble. Never be humble to the haughty.
 -- Jefferson Davis
%%
Never let a panty line show around your ankles.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
Never let lack of money interfere with having fun.
%%
Never let lack of preparation hinder the implementation of a change.
%%
Never let someone else's confidence magnify your insecurity.
%%
Never let the future disturb you.
You will meet it, if you have to,
with the same weapons of reason|nwhich today arm you against the present.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
%%
Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head.
 -- Anonymous (advice to teenage boys)
%%
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story!
%%
Never let your inferiors do you a favor--it will be extremely costly.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Never let your major professor know that you exist.
 -- Meredith's Law for Graduate School Survival
%%
Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
 -- Isaac Asimov
 -- Salvor Hardin, Foundation
%%
Never let your wife or girlfriend watch I Spit on Your Grave.
%%
Never let your willpower get the best of you.
%%
Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory
%%
Never lie when the truth is more profitable.
 -- Stanislaw Lec
%%
 Never listen to advice.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Never listen to anyone who talks to you for over five minutes about all
 that things that have happened to them that have left them speechless!
%%
Never look at data on a Friday night. It can spoil your weekend.
 -- Anonymous Researcher
%%
Never look at the brass ... it only encourages them.
 -- Richard Strauss
%%
Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he
who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road.
 -- Dag Hammarskjold
%%
Never look for birds of this year in the nests of the last.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lxxiv
%%
Never look up a word you can't spell and
 never spell a word you can't look up.
%%
Never lose your sense of the superficial.
 -- Lord Northcliffe
%%
Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.
 -- Pfeifer's Principle
No one keeps a record of the decisions you could have made but didn't.%
Everyone keeps a record of your bad ones.
 -- Corollary
%%
Never make an impromptu speech without advance warning, otherwise what you
 say isn't worth the paper it is printed on and will not be remembered or
 quoted. When Lincoln went to Gettysburg, he had 16 xeroxed copies of his
 envelope, to make sure the talk got press coverage.
%%
Never make anything simple and efficient when
 a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
%%
Never make a rich man poor.
 -- Rule #2
%%
Never make forecasts, especially about the future
 -- Samuel Goldwin
%%
Never map the labyrinth.
%%
Never march on Moscow!
 -- The Second Law of War
%%
Never marry a beautiful woman.
 -- H. G. Wells
%%
Never marry a girl named "Marie" who used to be known as "Murray."
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
Never mind about the time slip -- we're on holiday!
 -- The Doctor
%%
Never mind MST3K -- what I want to see is C-SPAN3K.
%%
Never mind the facts - I know what I know.
%%
Never mind the grass roots -- It's the flowering head that are interesting.
%%
Never mind the monsters hitting you: they just replace the charwomen.
%%
Never mind the size... just feel the quality on this one (!!)
%%
Never mind the star, get those da** camels off the lawn!
%%
  "Never mind what I said," the Lord spake.  "Doth thou
listen to every crazy idea that comes thy way?" And
Abraham grew ashamed.  "Er -- not really... no."
  "I jokingly suggest thou sacrifice Isaac and thou
immediately runs out to do it."
  And Abraham fell to his knees, "See, I never know
when you are kidding."
  And the Lord thundered, "No sense of humor.  I can't
believe it."
 -- Without Feathers -- Woody Allen
%%
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
 -- Scott Beach's grandfather
%%
Never mistake endurance for hospitality.
%%
Never mistake motion for action.
 -- Ernest Hemingway (1889-1961)
%%
Never moon a werewolf.
 -- Mike Binder
%%
Never MOON a werewolf.
 -- Survival Tip #2
%%
Never morning wore
To evening, but some heart did break.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, vi, Stanza 2
%%
Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
Never name your kid 'Void';  he'll never be able to get his checks cashed.
%%
Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest. [Quieta non movere]
 -- John Randolph
%%
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
 -- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
%%
Never open a book before 4 p.m. Sunday.
 -- Rule of Weekend Studying
%%
Never open a can of worms unless you plan to go fishing.
 -- Kaiser's Comment on Zymurgy
%%
Never open your own restaurant.
 -- Pierre Franey
%%
Never order anything that isn't fried from a waitress named Mabel; never
 take the last donut in the display case.
 -- Flip Spiceland
%%
Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone!
%%
Never part without loving words to think of during your absence.
It may be that you will not meet again in life.
 -- John Paul Richter
%%
Never pass a bathroom and you'll always be glad you didn't.
%%
Never pass the puck to people who are not worthy of it.
%%
Never pay a compliment as if expecting a receipt.
%%
Never perform for other comedians, perform for the audience.
 -- Danny Thomas
%%
Never pet a dog that's on fire.
%%
Never pet a porcupine.
 -- Anonymous Kid, Sesame Street
%%
Never pick your nose with my finger.
%%
Never place friendship above profit.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #21
%%
Never play a thing the same way twice.
 -- Louis Armstrong
%%
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
%%
Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to
 the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always
 gonna be me!"
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
Never play poker with the Scarborough Bluffs.
%%
Never practice saying 'revelant'!
%%
Never praise your cider or your horse.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
 Never program and drink beer at the same time.
 -- Woltman's Law
%%
Never promise more than you can perform.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 528
%%
Never promise to complete any project within six months of the end of the
year -- in either direction.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXIX
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Never purchase anything with a handle on it - it means work.
%%
Never put all your megs in one basket.
%%
Never put anything on paper ... and never trust a man with a small black
 mustache.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
Never put a question mark where god puts a period.
%%
Never put a razor inside your nose--even as a joke.
 -- Jake Johansen
%%
Never put a semicolon before an else.
%%
Never put a spiteful cat in a clean house with healthy plants.
%%
Never put great value in what you are not, and do not put little value in
 what you are.
%%
Never put more than two waves in a picture; it's fussy.
 -- Winslow Homer
%%
Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time.
 -- David Gries, in Compiler Construction for Digital Computers, circa 1969.
%%
Never put off until tomorrow that which you can do today.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
%%
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
There might be a law against it by that time.
%%
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
%%
Never question authority.  It doesn't know either.
%%
Never question your wife's judgement; look at whom she married.
%%
Never quote a plagiarist or a compulsive liar.
 -- William Lemons
%%
Never quote a well-hated person.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Never raise hands to children! It leave groin exposed.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
 -- Red Buttons
%%
Never refer to any part of his body below his waist as "cute" or "little";
 never expect him to do anything about birth control; never ask if he
 changes his sheets seasonally; never request that he sleep on the wet spot.
 -- C. E. Crimmins
%%
Never refuse a good offer - they don't come around that often!
%%
Never refuse wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone
 who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn
to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit
for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which
your later work belongs.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Never rely on the glory of the morning
nor the smiles of your mother-in-law.
 -- Japanese Proverb
%%
Never remove an anomaly simply because it is an anomaly.
 -- Macaulay
%%
Never rent a car to a racecar driver...!
%%
Never replicate a successful experiment.
 -- Fett's Law of the Lab
%%
Never retreat. Never explain. Get it done and let them howl.
 -- Benjamin Jowett
%%
Never reveal your best argument.
%%
Never ride a long worm.
%%
Never rise to speak till you have something to say; and when you
have said it, cease.
 -- Witherspoon
%%
Never rub another man's rhubarb.
 -- Jack Nicholson as The Joker, "Batman", the movie
%%
Never run after your own hat--others will be delighted to do it; why spoil
 their fun?
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Never run away from a gun. Bullets can travel faster than you can. Besides,
 if you're going to be hit, you had better get it in the front than in the
 back. It looks better.
 -- Wild Bill Hickock
%%
Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Never sail a boat that weighs less than you do.
%%
Never satisfied...
%%
Never saw off the branch you are on, unless you are being hanged from it.
 -- Stanislaw Lec
%%
Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!"
 -- First Law of Frisbee.
%%
Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear
 at your trial.
 -- Sydney Biddle Barrows
%%
NEVER say Cthulhu's name ou%^*$%#^*$%NO CARRIER
%%
Never say, "I'm game", at a meeting of the NRA.
%%
Never say maybe in the same circulation area where you just said never.
 -- Vic Gold
%%
Never say never.
%%
Never say never again.
%%
Never say no.
%%
Never say "oops" in the operating room.
 -- Law of Local Anesthesia
 -- Dr. Leo Troy
%%
Never say "The White House wants"- buildings don't "want."
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Never say without qualification that your activity has sufficient
space, money, staff, etc.
 -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Never say you know someone until you have divided an inheritance with
him.
%%
Never sell your hens on a wet day.
%%
Never send a letter requesting information to an editor unless you
expect to receive a prolix letter in return.
 -- Robert Cook
%%
Never send a man to do a horse's job.
 -- "Mr. Ed"
%%
"Never send a MAN to do a WOMAN'S work! Why do you think I CAME here?"
  "Not for the good of my ego, that was for damn sure."
 -- John Gaunt, aka GRIMJACK
%%
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist.
%%
Never send tapes to rock stars (see "Right Now").
%%
Never serve oysters during a month that has no paycheck.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
%%
Never shake hands with the operator of a chain saw when he is working.
%%
Never shall I forget the days I spent with you. Continue to be my
friend, as you will always find me yours.
 -- Ludwig van Beethoven
%%
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #17
%%
Never shave when you're angry.
If you are about to shave your face, legs, or other body parts
and happen to be angry, it might be a good idea to put down
your razor and wait for a few minutes.    This way you can
avoid serious cuts and dangerous infections.
 -- SAFETY TIP #17
%%
Never shell out into DOS when yr drunk.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Never shirk from doing anything which your business calls you to do.
The man who is above his business may one day find his business above him.
 -- Drew
%%
Never shove your granny while she's shaving.
%%
Never shower with a man called SUE!
%%
Never sign a contract including any of the phrases
"sort of", "kind of", or "and stuff".
%%
Never simply say, "Sorry, we don't have what you are looking for."

Always say, "Too bad, I just sold the last one yesterday."
 -- Robert Skole
%%
Never sit on a tack.
 -- Useless advice #986
%%
Never slap a man who chews tobacco.
 -- Willard Scott
%%
 Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
 -- Hartley's Second Law
%%
Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
%%
Never smell a cod piece close up.
%%
Never smile at a crocodile.
 -- Survival Tip #1
%%
Never smirk at the judge.
%%
Never sound excited. Imagine yourself at a dinner table back in the United
 States with the local editor, a banker, and a professor talking over
 coffee. You try to tell what it was like, while the maid's boyfriend, a
 truck driver, listens from the kitchen. Try to be understood by the truck
 driver while not insulting the professor's intelligence.
 -- Edward R. Murrow (to a young war correspondent)
%%
Never speak ill of yourself;  your friends will always say enough on that
subject.
%%
Never speak to a man wearing leather trousers.
 -- Tommy Nutter
%%
Never speculate on that which can be.
 -- De Nevers' Lost Law
%%
Never stand begging for what you have the power to earn.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Never stand between a dog and a fire hydrant!
%%
Never stand near a sneezing dragon.
%%
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can
lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
%%
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down,
    never stay awake when you can sleep.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #23
%%
Never stare directly into the sun.
Modern science has proven that the eye is like a lens, and
looking directly into the sun will burn little holes in the
back of your head, so never stare at the sun.
 -- SAFETY TIP #12
%%
Never start a game of Monopoly, if you smell smoke!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Never steal anything so small that you'll have to go to an unpleasant city
 jail for it instead of a minimum-security federal tennis prison.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Never steal more than you actually need, for the possession of surplus
 money leads to extravagance, foppish attire, frivolous thought.
 -- Dalton Trumbo
%%
Never step in anything soft.
 -- Murphy's Thirtieth Law
%%
Never step on a cursed engraving.
%%
Never stop learning; knowledge doubles every fourteen months.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Never stop to plan if you can keep busy making progress.
%%
  Never stow away on a kamikaze plane.
 -- Spence's Admonition
%%
Never substitute management for judgement- they are not the same.
%%
Never suffer an exception to occur till the new habit is securely
rooted in your life. Each lapse is like the letting fall of a ball
of string which one is carefully winding up; a single slip undoes
more than a great many turns will wind again.
 -- William James
%%
Never take a beer to a job interview.
%%
Never take a drink when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
%%
Never take any crap from a mechanical object.
%%
Never take a stone to break an egg when you can use the back of your knife.
 -- Scottish Proverb
%%
Never take the antidote before the poison.
 -- Latin Proverb
%%
Never take top billing. You'll last longer that way.
 -- Bing Crosby
%%
Never tamper with the truth. Never rationalize it. What you might
like to believe is not necessarily the truth.
%%
Never tell a hypocondriac about a
 new disease, unless you wish to start an epidemic.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
%%
Never tell a pawn the rules of chess.
%%
Never tell a woman she doesn't look good in some article of clothing she
 has just purchased.
 -- Lewis Grizzard
%%
Never tell a woman that you didn't realize she was pregnant unless you're
 certain that she is.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Never tell me the odds!
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
Never tell me the odds--numbers confuse me.
%%
Never tell. Not if you love your wife.... In fact, if your old lady walks
 in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin'
 ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck `Lay on Top of
 Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do ..."
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
Never tell people how to do things.  Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
 -- Gen. George S. Patton, "War As I Knew It", 1947
%%
Never tell them what you wouldn't do.
 -- Adam Clayton Powell
%%
Never tell the platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #57
%%
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Never tell your resolution beforehand.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Wisdom
%%
Never test for a bug you don't know how to fix.
 -- QA Manager
%%
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
 -- Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming
%%
Never thank anybody for anything, except a drink of water in the
 desert--and then make it brief.
 -- Gene Fowler
%%
Nevertheless, in the system of Copernicus there are found many and
great inconveniences; for both the loading of the earth with a triple
motion is very incommodious, and the separation of the sun from the
company of the planets, with which it has so many passions in common,
is likewise a difficulty, and the introduction of so much immobility
in nature, by representing the sun and stars as immoveable, especially
being of all bodies the highest and most radiant, and making the moon
revolve about the earth in an epicycle, and some other assumptions
of his, are the speculations of one who cares not what fictions he
introduces into nature, provided his calculations answer.
 -- Francis Bacon, Descriptio Globi Intellectualis, 1653
%%
Never throw a bird at a dragon.
%%
Never throw mud. You may miss your mark, but in any event, you'll end up
 with dirty hands.
%%
Never thrust your own sickle into another's corn.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 593
%%
Never tolerate the establishment of two continental powers in Europe.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf", 1933
%%
Never touch your eye but with your elbow.
 -- English Proverb
%%
Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
%%
Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you, cause if you do, you are
 in big trouble, serious trouble, lots of trouble and more trouble yet.
%%
Never trust a base runner who's limping. Comes a base hit and you'll think
 he just got back from Lourdes.
 -- Joe Garagiola
%%
Never trust a child farther than you can throw it.
%%
Never trust a computer you can't lift.
 -- Stan Masor [Intel Corp.]
%%
Never trust a computer you can't repair yourself.
%%
Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window.
 -- S. Hunt
%%
Never trust a cop with a rubber glove.
%%
Never trust a grapefruit.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Never trust a Hippy
 -- Gentleman Geoff
%%
Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers.
%%
Never trust a man who is Dr. Jekyll to those above him and Mr. Hyde
to those below him.
 -- Charles Brower
%%
Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody - you for instance.
%%
Never trust a man with short legs--brain's too near their bottoms.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.
 -- John Dillinger
%%
Never trust a neuro-micro surgeon whose favorite and most often repeated
 expression is "Whoops!"
%%
Never trust an operating system.
%%
    'Never trust another sorcerer' is a saying unfortunately all too common
among magical practitioners. Actually, there are many instances where one can
easily trust a fellow magician, such as cases where no money is involved, or
when the other mage is operating at such a distance that his spells can't
possibly affect you.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XIV
%%
Never trust a nun with a gun.
%%
Never trust anybody who says "trust me."  Except just this once, of course.
 -- John Varley, Steel Beach
%%
Never trust anybody whose arm is bigger than your leg.
%%
Never trust anyone over thirty.
 -- Jerry Rubin
%%
Never trust anyone who places your well being over their own.
 -- Advice of Zek.
%%
Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
%%
Never trust anyone who uses "party" as verb.
%%
Never trust anyone who volunteers to assume authority.
%%
Never trust anything that can bleed for 5 days & not die.
%%
Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear
 in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to
 tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see
 articles with Headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Never trust a person who says, "Trust Me"....
%%
Never trust a pit bull named "Fluffy."
%%
Never trust a preacher with more than 2 suits.
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
Never trust a proctologist who can palm a basketball.
%%
Never trust a random generator in magic fields.
%%
Never trust a skinny cook.
%%
Never trust a smiling cat.
%%
Never trust a smiling game master
%%
Never trust a tall dwarf. He's lying about something.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Never trusted telepaths. Never have, never will.
 -- Garibaldi
%%
Never trust Romulans bearing .GIFs ............
%%
Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.
 -- Aesop
%%
Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town
 that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
 -- Andy Rooney
%%
Never trust your first impulse, for all too often it is good, and will ruin
 your reputation if you follow it.
%%
Never try to adjust your clothing in a crowded elevator.
%%
Never try to catch two frogs with one hand.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Never try to explain computers to a layman.  It's easier to explain sex
to a virgin.
 -- Robert Heinlein
%%
Never try to explain your hacks to a theoretician - he may understand
them better than you do.
 -- Dean Daniels, 3/27/83
%%
Never try to get your pecker sucked in France.
 -- Frank Zappa, lyrics to "Down in France"
%%
Never try to guess your wife's size.  Just buy her anything marked `petite'
and hold on to the receipt.
%%
Never try to keep up with the Joneses, drag them down to your own level. It
 is eversomuch cheaper.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
Never try to keep up with the Joneses; they might be newlyweds.
%%
Never try to make anyone like you: you know, and God knows, that one of you
 is enough.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Never try to out-stubborn THREE pampered Pomeranians!
%%
Never try to put on your pullover sweater if you are chewing bubble gum.
%%
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
%%
Never try to walk across a river just because it has an average depth
of four feet.
 -- Martin Friedman
%%
Never turn your back on a monster.
%%
Never, under any circumstances, be left alone with a cross-eyed nun
with a bullwhip in one hand and a bottle of Gin in the other.......
%%
Never, under any circumstances, say "Never."
%%
Never underestimate a man who overestimates himself.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
Never underestimate a woman.
%%
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
 -- Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS
%%
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling
 down the highway.
 -- Andrew Tannenbaum
%%
Never underestimate the importance of a cheap laugh.
 -- Plucky Duck
%%
Never underestimate the nature and quality of the enemy.
 -- Karl von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
%%
Never underestimate the power of a liar with imagination!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Never underestimate the power of a platitude.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
%%
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
 -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
%%
Never underestimate the power of "Modem Addictus"!
%%
Never underestimate the power of the Internet, Luke.
 -- O W Kenobi
%%
Never underestimate the power of the irate customer.
 -- Joel E. Ross
%%
Never underestimate the power of tinkering. If you tinker with something
 long enough, it can be broken.
%%
Never underestimate the power of your enemy, a lie or a feminizt.
%%
Never undo what can't be undone.
%%
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
 -- Writing Rule 40
%%
Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear
bomb; use the
stairs.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
Never use a tool that's more intelligent than you are.
%%
Never use a wand of death.
%%
Never use "etc." -- it makes people think there is more where
 there is not or that there is not space to list it all, etc.
%%
Never use intuition.
 -- Omar Bradley
%%
Never use one word when a dozen will suffice.
 -- Paul Herbig
%%
 Never use that totally cool, radically
 groovy out-of-date slang.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Never use your best weapon to engrave a curse.
%%
 Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it
 with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
 -- Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb
%%
Never utilise a sesquipedalien word when an intuitive diminutive
will suffice.
%%
Never violate the Prime Directory!  C:\
%%
Never volunteer--they'll send you to earth
%%
Never vomit on a door mat.
%%
Never walk if you can drive; and of two cigars, always choose the longest
 and strongest.
 -- Austen Chamberlain
%%
Never was a patriot yet, but was a fool.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
%%
Never wear a hat that has more character than you do.
%%
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Never wear a suit costing less than two hundred clams.
 -- "Legs" Diamond (to Larry Adler)
%%
Never Wear Battery-Powered Clothing to a Formal Event.
%%
Never whistle while you FTP.
 -- Jalb
%%
Never Whistle While You Pee.
 -- Hagbard Celine
%%
Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your
 breakfast first.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
supposed to do.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Never write a letter when you are angry.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
============================

  (*)  Never write it in C if you can do it in `awk'.
   (*)  Never do it in `awk' if `sed' can handle it.
     (*)  Never use `sed' when `tr' can do the job.
        (*)  Never invoke `tr' when `cat' is sufficient.
      (*)  Avoid using `cat' whenever possible.
 -- Taylor's Laws of Programming
 -- mirk@system-simulation.co.uk (Mike Taylor)
%%
Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.
%%
Never write software that patronizes the user.
%%
Never yell THEATRE in a crowded fire.
%%
NEW ALLIED WEAPONRY
- BVM - now installed in all troop-transport planes, the BVM (Burger Vending
          Machine) now features the new IraqiBurger for only $1.45; it helps
          our forces feel at home. To fully simulate a Florida McDonald's
          environment a computer-controlled rifle installed in the plane can
          be programmed to fire at random.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
NEW ALLIED WEAPONRY
- FBT - Fucking-big tank. This tank is 150 feet wide and 200 feet long, and
          it's purpose is to make the ground war much simplified by simply
          running over enemy soldiers. Special decapitation implements on
          the underside of the tank ensure Allied victory. In normal
          circumstances an Allied RCM (Refuse Collection Module) would
          follow behind, preventing any environmental damage to the desert
          by scooping up the human blood 'n' guts.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
NEW ALLIED WEAPONRY
- FMFM - the FM installed Friendly Missile - so called because it has a
          built-in FM stereo receiver which plays the "Star Spangled Banner"
          as it explodes into its target.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
NEW ALLIED WEAPONRY
- The SKM - Shit-Kicker Missile. When this baby hits them Iraqis, the shit
          really hits the fan!
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
NEW ALLIED WEAPONRY
- TXjet - Specially developed fighter/bomber for use by Texan pilots. It has
          an enlarged cockpit to cope with their hats.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
New and stirring things are belittled because if they are not belittled, the
 humiliating question arises, 'Why then are you not taking part in them?'"
 -- Herbert George Wells (1866-1946)
%%
NEWARK has been REZONED!!  DES MOINES has been REZONED!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
New Attraction!!! Dulce Level 8
%%
:newbie: /n[y]oo'bee/ n. [orig. from British public-school and
   military slang variant of `new boy'] A USENET neophyte.
   This term surfaced in the {newsgroup} talk.bizarre but is
   now in wide use.  Criteria for being considered a newbie vary
   wildly; a person can be called a newbie in one newsgroup while
   remaining a respected regular in another.  The label `newbie'
   is sometimes applied as a serious insult to a person who has been
   around USENET for a long time but who carefully hides all evidence
   of having a clue.  See {BIFF}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
New book: 101 Ways to Brown-Nose to Success.
%%
New book by Saddem Hussein: Sand to Glass in 5 seconds.
%%
New book from Bill: "How to Be a Lame Duck in Less Than Three Years"
%%
New Book: How to write a How To book
%%
New Book: JAZZ MUSIC by Tenna Saxe.
%%
Newborn daredevil: Baby goes umbilical cord jumping.
%%
New brome swepth cleene.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. i
%%
New campaign promise:  Babble fish for all.
%%
New Clinton presidential theme: "Inhale to the Chief"
%%
New convenience store:  Stop and Liquor.
%%
New crypt. See /usr/news/crypt.
%%
New dating service: Desperately Seeking.
%%
New dating service: Things that bump in the night.
%%
New dating service: Trashy Connections.
%%
New Democrat: New sack, same old crap and some extra new crap.
%%
New diet fad of the resession 90's... STEAL-A-MEAL!
%%
New Diet Pepsi Slogans: You've Got The Contaminated One, Baby!
%%
NEW: different color from previous design.
%%
NEW ........................ Different colours from previous version
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Newdos  - Acronym for 'Not Exactly What The Dealer Offers To sell you.
%%
New DOS command: ASSPOS.EXE - Assume the position.
%%
NEW DRINK: The Simpson: Slice with a twist and a dash of OJ.
%%
NEW ELVIS UFO DIET CURES CANCER.
%%
New England DOS: Do ya reckon?  (Ayeh/Shrug)
%%
Newer in not BETTER just bigger in size!!!!
%%
New Ez-reader user and my phone is free!
%%
New ez-reader user tech support welcomed!
%%
New feminizt car -- 1995 MitsuBitchy.
%%
New financial propositions may be offered at the turn of the year.
%%
New from Blammo (tm), it's NUCLEAR LOG!
%%
NEW from Franklin Mint: America's Best Beloved Taglines
%%
New from HP: the DisruptorJet Printer!
%%
New from McAfee: WinScan. Removes all Windows programs.
%%
New from Milton Bradley! Escape From Cthulhu!
%%
New Gay Slogan: 2Q2BSTR8     (Too cute to be straight)
%%
:newgroup wars: /n[y]oo'groop worz/ [USENET] n. The salvos of
   dueling `newgroup' and `rmgroup' messages sometimes
   exchanged by persons on opposite sides of a dispute over whether a
   {newsgroup} should be created net-wide, or (even more
   frequently) whether an obsolete one should be removed.  These
   usually settle out within a week or two as it becomes clear whether
   the group has a natural constituency (usually, it doesn't).  At
   times, especially in the completely anarchic alt hierarchy, the
   names of newsgroups themselves become a form of comment or humor;
   e.g., the spinoff of alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork from
   alt.tv.muppets in early 1990, or any number of specialized
   abuse groups named after particularly notorious {flamer}s, e.g.,
   alt.weemba.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
New Hampshire has 3 seasons: ice, mud and black fly.
%%
New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
%%
New Hayes AT command: AT ET = Phone Home.
%%
New Highway gets Railroaded.
%%
NEW!! IMPROVED!!! E=MC^3 !!!  Faster Light, Less Fueling!
%%
New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation;
it's the asshole of the universe.
 -- Jonathan Michael Smith
%%
New Jersey:  It's filthier than you think.
%%
:New Jersey: [primarily Stanford/Silicon Valley] adj. Brain-damaged
   or of poor design.  This refers to the allegedly wretched quality
   of such software as C, C++, and UNIX (which originated at Bell Labs
   in Murray Hill, New Jersey).  "This compiler bites the bag, but
   what can you expect from a compiler designed in New Jersey?"
   Compare {Berkeley Quality Software}.  See also {UNIX
   conspiracy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
New Jersey: The Runny Yolk State
%%
New Kids On The Block: Play their records backwards...they sound better.
%%
New Klingon Horror Flick:  Edward Batlh'ethHands.
%%
:newline: /n[y]oo'li:n/ n. 1. [techspeak, primarily UNIX] The
   ASCII LF character (0001010), used under {{UNIX}} as a text line
   terminator.  A Bell-Labs-ism rather than a Berkeleyism;
   interestingly (and unusually for UNIX jargon), it is said to have
   originally been an IBM usage.  (Though the term `newline' appears
   in ASCII standards, it never caught on in the general computing
   world before UNIX).  2. More generally, any magic character,
   character sequence, or operation (like Pascal's writeln procedure)
   required to terminate a text record or separate lines.  See
   {crlf}, {terpri}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
New mail not found. Start whine pout sequence? (Y/N)
%%
New Math: Jimmy Carter - Integrity = Bill Clinton
%%
New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to
Yourself.  Apply within.
%%
New members urgently required for SUICIDE CLUB, Watford area.
 -- Monty Python's Big Red Book
%%
New Mexico? Sorry, we don't do ship to foreign countries
%%
New Mexico Tour Book: Albie Kerky
%%
Newness is no virtue.
%%
New Operating Systems are created to solve existing problems
and create new ones.
%%
New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any
other reason but because they are not common.
 -- John Locke, "An Essay Concerning Human Understanding"
%%
  New order!...That's another familiar name for the 'improvement' of
people who get in your way.
 -- B.F. Skinner Walden Two
%%
New Orleans is the only city in the world you go in to buy a pair of nylon
 stockings they want to know your head size.
 -- Billy Holliday
%%
New Orleans Saints season ticket holding sysop here --- Go Saints
%%
New Oxymoron: The Best of Rush Limbaugh!
%%
NEW: Postal Stamp especially for Bills & Taxes... "THE BIRD"!
%%
New Presidential motto: "One day at a time for the last time."
%%
New problems demand new solutions.
New solutions create new problems.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
New recruits to the Army have it tough, going from a water bed to an Army
Cot.
%%
New regulations means new jobs for new regulators!
%%
New release: Abortions are becoming so popular in some countries that the
waiting time to get one is lengthening rapidly. Experts predict that at
this rate there will soon be a one year wait to get an abortion.
 -- "I Think Therefore I Laugh" by John Allen Paulos
%%
New religion? I haven't used up the old one, yet!
%%
New restaurant on the moon.  Great food, but no atmosphere.
%%
News always travels by the fastest available route.
 -- Major Whitey Ardmore
%%
News cameramen go on strike - slides at 11.
%%
New SelfHelp Book: "_Rid yourself of doubt... or should you?_"
%%
Newsflash! Birdland Bar closed for serving mynahs.
%%
NEWSFLASH! Dyslexic Christian sells soul to Santa.
%%
NEWSFLASH! Ellis is *still* dead!
%%
NEWSFLASH!!!... Energizer Bunny: Now wired to 220, and he's pissed!
%%
Newsflash! Headless body found in topless bar...
%%
NEWSFLASH! John Bobbitt signed as spokesperson for Snap-On Tools.
%%
NEWS FLASH ===

Medical researchers have discovered that possums and armadillos
are carriers of AIDS.*

The Surgeon General urges all Americans to take appropriate
precautions.
*  Asphalt Instant Death Syndrome
%%
Newsflash! Microsoft announces Visual Edlin for Windows.
%%
NEWSFLASH! Red ship crashes into blue ship. . . sailors marooned.
%%
*** NEWSFLASH *** Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey
Details at eleven.
%%
NewsFlash! Tagline theft will be an Olympic event this year!!
%%
NEWS FLASH!!
 Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West
 German pole-vault champion.
%%
:newsfroup: // [USENET] n. Silly synonym for {newsgroup},
   originally a typo but now in regular use on USENET's talk.bizarre
   and other lunatic-fringe groups.  Compare {hing}, {grilf},
   and {filk}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:newsgroup: [USENET] n. One of {USENET}'s huge collection of
   topic groups or {fora}.  Usenet groups can be `unmoderated'
   (anyone can post) or `moderated' (submissions are automatically
   directed to a moderator, who edits or filters and then posts the
   results).  Some newsgroups have parallel {mailing list}s for
   Internet people with no netnews access, with postings to the group
   automatically propagated to the list and vice versa.  Some
   moderated groups (especially those which are actually gatewayed
   Internet mailing lists) are distributed as `digests', with groups
   of postings periodically collected into a single large posting with
   an index.

   Among the best-known are comp.lang.c (the C-language forum),
   comp.arch (on computer architectures), comp.unix.wizards
   (for UNIX wizards), rec.arts.sf-lovers (for science-fiction
   fans), and talk.politics.misc (miscellaneous political
   discussions and {flamage}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
News is that which comes from the North, East, West and South, and if it
comes from only one point on the compass, then it is a class publication
and not news.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
News is the first rough draft of History...
%%
News is what a chap who doesn't care much about
anything wants to read. And it's only news until he's read
it. After that it's dead.
 -- Evelyn Waugh (1903-1966), Scoop (1938) bk. 1, ch. 5
%%
News Item:  Jupiter to hit comet fragments!!!
%%
Newsmen do it at six and eleven.
%%
:NeWS: /nee'wis/, /n[y]oo'is/ or /n[y]ooz/ [acronym; the
   `Network Window System'] n. The road not taken in window systems,
   an elegant {{PostScript}}-based environment that would almost certainly
   have won the standards war with {X} if it hadn't been
   {proprietary} to Sun Microsystems.  There is a lesson here that
   too many software vendors haven't yet heeded.  Many hackers insist
   on the two-syllable pronunciations above as a way of distinguishing
   NeWS from {news} (the {netnews} software).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Newspamper: the plastic bag the paper comes in on rainy/snowy days.
%%
Newspaper Ad - For Rent:  6 room hated apartment.
%%
Newspaper boys do it in front of every door.
%%
Newspapermen learn to call a murderer 'an alleged murderer' and the
 King of England 'the alleged King of England' to avoid libel suits.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
Newspapers should have no friends.
 -- Joseph Pulitzer
%%
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore, waiting to take you away.
 Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone.
%%
News stories expand and time contracts, meeting inexorably each day
twenty minutes after a man is supposed to be home for dinner.
 -- Ray O'Neil
%%
New Status Symbol For The 90's  A Job....
%%
New strain of system-trashing virus : WINDOWS
%%
News:  Vampire population decimated due to outbreak of AIDS.
%%
New systems create new problems.
 -- Dr. John Gall
%%
New systems generate new problems.
%%
New Tagline Found! (S)teal (I)gnore (C)orrect spelling ?
%%
NEW! Tagline-Lite! Only 1/3rd Less Serious...
%%
:New Testament: n. [C programmers] The second edition of K&R's
   "The C Programming Language" (Prentice-Hall, 1988; ISBN
   0-13-110362-8), describing ANSI Standard C.  See {K&R}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NEWT
  One of those really small beasties that annoys little kids because
  they're too small to step on. I dunno though - if you were flying
  along and got caught in the downward air-draught of a descending
  foot, it'd do serious damage, wouldn't it?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Newton had a bad trip, and now there's calculus.
%%
NEWTONIAN, adj.  Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented
by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but
was unable to say why.  His successors and disciples have advanced so
far as to be able to say when.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Newton realized that, according to his theory of gravity, the stars should
attract each other, so it seemed they could not remain essentially motionless.
Would they not all fall together at some point?  In a letter in 1691 to
Richard Bentley, another leading thinker of his day, Newton argued that this
would indeed happen if there were only a finite number of stars distributed
over a finite region of space.  But he reasoned that if, on the other hand,
there were an infinite number of stars, distributed more or less uniformly
over infinite space, this would not happen, because there would not be
any central point for them to fall to.

This argument is an instance of the pitfalls that you can encounter in
talking about infinity...
 -- Stephen Hawking, "A Brief History of Time"
%%
New toxic, ozone-depleting, environment un-friendly
**FLAVOURED AIR**   Now available from Nippon-Murdoch Pty Ltd
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
New UNIX/TS manuals available in 2F-101.
%%
New User Bob to Sysop: I need BlueWave and I need it NOW!
%%
New users do it after reading the helpfile.
%%
New users do it after receiving advice.
%%
New wave geology! Punk rock!
%%
New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++.
%%
New Windows cleaner:  Windex 3.1
%%
New with a K in front is a Canoe.
%%
New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and his wife
most often reminds him to act it.
 -- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
%%
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those
 tests come back positive.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
NEW YORK (AP) -- According to a new poll, 72% of Americans who believe in
Heaven rate their chances of going there as good to excellent, but many say
their friends' chances are considerably worse.
%%
New York eclipses all other cities in the spontaneous cordiality and
generosity of its inhabitants - at least, such inhabitants as I have
encountered.
 -- H. P. Lovecraft, 9/29/1922
%%
New Yorkers like to boast that if you can survive in New York, you can survive
anywhere. But if you can survive anywhere, why live in New York?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
New York: homes, homes everywhere, and not a place to live.
 -- Don Herold
%%
New York--in the event of a nuclear attack it'll look the same as it did
 before.
 -- Billy Connolly
%%
New York is a funny town. You can drown in whiskey and starve to death.
 Everybody says have a drink--nobody says have something to eat.
 -- Nipsey Russell
%%
New York is like living inside Stephen King's brain during an aneurysm.
 It's the Land of Genetic Close Calls. There are a lot of people there who
 missed being another species by one chromosome. Look--that guy could've
 been a badger. There's Crab Man ... And it's like a financial skeet shoot.
 Someone hollers "Pull!" and your wallet flies out.
 -- Kevin Rooney
%%
New York is real. The rest is done with mirrors.
%%
New York is where you can get the best cheap meal and the lousiest
 expensive meal in the country.
 -- Robert C. Weaver
%%
New York Rangers: 2048 Stanley Cup Champions!
%%
New York's alright if you like saxophones.
%%
New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be.
 -- The Grateful Dead
%%
New York's such a wonderful city, but at the library the guy was very rude.
 I said I'd like a card. He said, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New
 York." So I stabbed him.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
New York state law makes it illegal for children to collect old cigar butts.
%%
New York, Tokyo, Paris, Hood River
%%
New York...when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.
 -- David Letterman
%%
New York: where everyone mutinies but no one deserts.
 -- Harry Hershfield
%%
NEW YORK:
Where men are men, sheeps enjoy it, and lepers laugh their heads off.
%%
New Zealand beer leaves one with a sheepish taste.
%%
NeXT:
 Experimental computer backed by Ross Perot and powered by charisma.
 The main problem is that few homes or offices have charisma outlets.
 Name-wise reminiscent of the "The Last One", an old CP/M program
 so-named because it was powerful enough to create all your future
 application programs (making it the last program you would have to
 buy). It was also powered by charisma.
%%
Next Friday will not be your lucky day.  As a matter of fact, you don't
 have a lucky day this year.
%%
Next from Intel: the Repentium.
%%
Next o'er his books his eyes begin to roll,
In pleasing memory of all he stole.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book i, Line 127
%%
Next on Geraldo of Borg: brothers who assimilate sisters.
%%
Next on MST3K: "Bill and Carol and @FN@ and Alice"
%%
Next on MST3K: "Bob Conquers The Martians"
%%
Next on MST3K: "Bob Part III in 3-D"
%%
Next on MST3K: "Bob's Song"
%%
Next on MST3K: "Mars Needs Ross Perot"
%%
Next on MST3K: "The Adventures of Ross Perot"
%%
Next on MST3K: "They Saved Bob's Brain"
%%
 Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin
 Dvorak.  This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72...
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Next on STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION--Ensign Ro vs. Ensign Wade
%%
Next stop, bad dreamsville...
%%
Next stop the stars! Now where do I buy a ticket?
%%
Next tagline doesn't leave until tomorrow, sorry.
%%
Next thing I know my work has a bad reputation in the Gamma Quadrant.
%%
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
%%
Next time I'll wear underwear.
%%
Next time I will try English.
%%
Next time you pass my house, I'll appreciate it.
%%
Next time your boss gives you something that you don't want to do,
   JUST SAY NO!
%%
Next time your in-laws (or other equally likeable sort) come to visit, remember
this:
The word visit appears in the Bible describing when the Lord sent the plagues
to the Egyptians.
You may want to point this fact out to them...
%%
Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!
%%
Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an
income tax refund.
 -- F. J. Raymond
%%
Next to surviving an earthquake, nothing is quite so satisfying as receiving an
income tax refund.
%%
Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Letters and Social Aims"
%%
Next up:  Tossing Bob For Fun & Profit.
%%
Next Wednesday you will be presented with a great opportunity.
%%
Next week, we'll learn how to play the kazoo.
%%
NFL vs NHL: NFL players tackle, NHL players brawl.
%%
NFS:  all the nice semantics of MSDOS, and its performance and security too.
 -- Henery Spencer
%%
NFS server %s not responding still trying
%%
NFS server %s ok
%%
NFS %s failed for server %s: %s
%%
NFS write error: on host %s remote file system full
%%
N'Grath: Babylon 5's own "Big Boss of Crime."
%%
NHL Hockey: Stanley Kupp
%%
NHL is for adults ===< He plays with it a bit, he shoots, he SCORES!
%%
NHL News: Hartford Whalers raided by environmentalists... 10 killed...
%%
NHL News: Ottawa Senators get financial backing from Trojan Condoms!
%%
NHL News: Pittsburgh Penguins move to Antarctic to be with mascot!
%%
Niagara Falls:  "Slow-w-wly I turned . . . ."
%%
Nibbles, bits, bytes....great hobby for a dieter, huh?!?
%%
Nibble - When a little bit isn't enough...
%%
Nicanor lay dead in his harness.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Maccabees xv, 28
%%
"Nicaragua" is Spanish for "Vietnam."
%%
NICARAGUA SETS GOAL TO WIPE OUT LITERACY.
%%
Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
 -- Foghorn Leghorn
%%
Nice boy, but a little dumb.
 -- Foghorn Leghorn
%%
"Nice computers don't go down."
 -- ...understanding User-Friendly...
%%
Nice computers only go down once a day
%%
Nice girls don't explode.
 -- Cerebus
%%
Nice guys can look themselves in the mirror.
%%
Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
 -- Evan Davis
%%
Nice guys finish last.
 -- Leo Durocher
%%
Nice guys get sick.
%%
Nice guys really do finish first, they just don't brag about it.
%%
Nice guys win.
%%
Nice Hotels: Mary Ott
%%
Nice house but not much furniture / nobody lives there.
%%
Nice jail. Looks strong.
 -- H. Houdini
%%
Nice kitty....<punt>RRRrreeeooww!!!
%%
Nice people don't finish nice.
 -- Kelly's Reformation.
%%
Nice people down South. They take their guns seriously. We passed a pickup
 truck. It had a bumper sticker: "Guns Don't Kill People, I do!"
 -- Jon Haymen
%%
Nice planet.
 -- Worf, "Justice", stardate 41255.6
%%
Nice shark. Pretty shark. <Londo<
%%
Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck?
 -- Pick up line
%%
"Nice shooting, son. What's your name?"
"MURPHY."
 -- From ROBOCOP
%%
Nice shot eh? What? Wrong net?
%%
NICE TAGLINE! [swipe] Thanks!! [GRIN] ;-)
%%
Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Nice try, but that is an old worn-out magic word.
%%
Nice underwear.  Perhaps you should take them off your head.
%%
Nichols: "Just use the keyboard."
Scott: "'Keyboard'?!  How quaint."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Nickel: Once good for getting the wrong number with.
%%
:nick: [IRC] n. Short for nickname.  On {IRC}, every user must
   pick a nick, which is sometimes the same as the user's real name or
   login name, but is often more fanciful.  Compare {handle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:nickle: /ni'kl/ [from `nickel', common name for the U.S.
   5-cent coin] n. A {nybble} + 1; 5 bits.  Reported among
   developers for Mattel's GI 1600 (the Intellivision games
   processor), a chip with 16-bit-wide RAM but 10-bit-wide ROM.  See
   also {deckle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nick of time.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- The Goblins
%%
Nid yw Cymru ar werth!
%%
Nietsche is Pietsche.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
Nietzsche is pietzsche.
%%
Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Sartre is smartre.
%%
Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
%%
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again.
 God -- I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
 -- Woody Allen's character in Hannah and Her Sisters
%%
Nietzsche thought he was the Antichrist or Dionysus, but that was after
the syphilis crossed the blood-brain barrier.
%%
Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.
 -- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
%%
Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared
in the air.
Hi, Nigel read aloud, Do not put down the lamp because your custom is
important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it
will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity.
 -- Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
%%
Nigel,let that caller's leg go!
%%
Nigel Mansell was voted Sports Personality of the Year?
 The car must feel cheated
 -- Moi
%%
Night falls when the street lights turn on.
 -- Swedish Law.
%%
Night, having Sleep, the brother of Death.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- The Theogony, Line 754
%%
Night is always darkest just before you step on the cat.
%%
Night is the time to weep,
  To wet with unseen tears
Those graves of memory where sleep
  The joys of other years.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Issues of Life and Death
%%
Nightmare:  A bard who plays the accordian.
%%
:Nightmare File System: n. Pejorative hackerism for Sun's Network
   File System (NFS).  In any nontrivial network of Suns where there
   is a lot of NFS cross-mounting, when one Sun goes down, the others
   often freeze up.  Some machine tries to access the down one, and
   (getting no response) repeats indefinitely.  This causes it to
   appear dead to some messages (what is actually happening is that it
   is locked up in what should have been a brief excursion to a higher
   {spl} level).  Then another machine tries to reach either the
   down machine or the pseudo-down machine, and itself becomes
   pseudo-down.  The first machine to discover the down one is now
   trying both to access the down one and to respond to the
   pseudo-down one, so it is even harder to reach.  This situation
   snowballs very quickly, and soon the entire network of machines is
   frozen --- worst of all, the user can't even abort the file access
   that started the problem!  Many of NFS's problems are excused by
   partisans as being an inevitable result of its statelessness, which
   is held to be a great feature (critics, of course, call it a great
   {misfeature}).  (ITS partisans are apt to cite this as proof of
   UNIX's alleged bogosity; ITS had a working NFS-like shared file
   system with none of these problems in the early 1970s.)  See also
   {broadcast storm}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Night of the living dead chipmunks.
%%
"Night of the Living Grateful Dead"
 -- Movie sequel?
%%
Night of the Living Thread!
%%
NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIE MODEMS!
%%
Nightowls are _real_ people.
%%
Night, sable goddess! from her ebon throne,
In rayless majesty, now stretches forth
Her leaden sceptre o'er a slumbering world.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 18
%%
Night's black mantle covers all alike.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, First Week, First Day
%%
Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day
Stands tiptoe on the misty mountain-tops.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
NIGHT
  That time of day when it isn't. Night is generally recognised by an
  overall lack of light, and the sudden manifestation of strange
  noises which feed paranoia.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Night, when deep sleep falleth on men.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job iv, 13; xxxiii, 15
%%
NIHIL EX NIHIL -- DON'T SETQ NIL.
%%
Nihilism doesn't exist.
%%
Nihilism means nothing to me.
%%
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
%%
NIHILIST, n.  A Russian who denies the existence of anything but
Tolstoi.  The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Nihil tam absurde dici potest, quod non dicatur ab aliquo pilosophorum.
[Nothing so absurd can be said, that some philosopher has not said it.]
 -- Cicero
%%
Nike wants you to just do it.
%%
Nikki Louda:
I thought i could smell f%*king petrol
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Niklaus Wirth has lamented that, whereas Europeans pronounce his name
 correctly (Ni-klows Virt), Americans invariably mangle it into
 (Nick-les Worth).  Which is to say that Europeans call him by name, but
 Americans call him by value.
%%
:NIL: /nil/ No.  Used in reply to a question, particularly one
   asked using the `-P' convention.  Most hackers assume this derives
   simply from LISP terminology for `false' (see also {T}), but
   NIL as a negative reply was well-established among radio hams
   decades before the advent of LISP.  The historical connection
   between early hackerdom and the ham radio world was strong enough
   that this may have been an influence.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nil taurus excretum.  No El Toro Poopoo either!
%%
NIMBY=Not In My Backyard
%%
Nine hundred years ago, I couldn't spell transcendent
parahuman deity, and now I are one
%%

Nine megs for the secretaries fair,
Seven megs for the hackers scarce,
Five megs for the grads in smoky lairs,
Three megs for system source;

One disk to rule them all,
One disk to bind them,
One disk to hold the files
And in the darkness grind 'em.
 -- Lord of the Disks
 -- signature file of Andrew Cole, csed3cp@hatfield.ac.uk
%%
Nine out of ten ferrets choose Microsoft mice.
%%
Nine out of ten men who preferred Camels have switched back to women.
%%
Nine out of ten people think they are above average.  The rest are in therapy.
%%
Nine pence in the shilling.
%%
Nine professional gamblers can not feed a single canary.
%%
Nineteen cents short of a paradigm.
%%
Nine-tenths of all existing books are nonsense
 -- Disraeli
%%
Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life,
there is actually no truth to be discovered;
there is only error to be exposed.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "Prejudices, Third Series", 1922
%%
Nine times out of ten the man who listens to reason is thinking of
some way to refute it.
%%
Nine times out of ten the statisticians are wrong.
%%
Nine-track tapes and seven-track tapes
        And tapes without any tracks;
Stretchy tapes and snarley tapes
       And tapes mixed up on the racks --
            Take hold of the tape
         And pull off the strip,
               And then you'll be sure
               Your tape drive will skip.

 -- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
%%
Ninety-eight percent of American homes have TV sets--which means the people
 in the other two percent of the households have to generate their own sex
 and violence.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
 hard-working, honest Americans.  It's the other lousy two percent that
 get all the publicity.  But then--we elected them.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Ninety-nine percent of all forms of life that have ever existed on earth are
now extinct.
%%
:Ninety-Ninety Rule: n. "The first 90% of the code accounts
   for the first 90% of the development time.  The remaining 10% of
   the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time."
   Attributed to Tom Cargill of Bell Labs, and popularized by Jon
   Bentley's September 1985 "Bumper-Sticker Computer Science"
   column in "Communications of the ACM".  It was there called
   the "Rule of Credibility", a name which seems not to have stuck.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ninety percent of any business transaction is selling yourself to the client.
 -- X. Hollander
%%
Ninety percent of everything is crud.
 -- Sturgeon's Law
%%
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad
  reputation.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
Ninety percent of the time things will turn out worse than you expect. The
other 10 percent of the time you had no right to expect so much.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXVII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Nine years of ballet, asshole.
 -- Shelly Long, to the bad guy after making a jump over a gorge that he
     couldn't quite, in Outrageous Fortune
%%
Nintendo: in-home baby sitter.
%%
Nintendunce: A kid who is always playing computer video games.
%%
Nip it in the bud!.....Nip it! Nip it! Nip it!
%%
Nirvana errupts on the scene. Canine suicide climbs 86% ..hmm.
%%
Nirvana: It was ... different.
Rimmer:  Different?
Nirvana: You make love like a Japanese meal -- small portions but /so/ many
         courses.
 ...
Nirvana: We usually talk.
Rimmer:  What do you talk about?
Nirvana: Oh, research, new theories, mission profiles...
Rimmer:  I'm sorry.  I must seem very ignorant.  I hardly said anything, apart
         from 'Geronimo'.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Holoship'
%%
NIRVANA, n.  In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable
annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to
understand it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual
        growth can be acheived only through persistent
       excercise of real love
 --  M. Scott Peck, M.D.
      _The Road Less Travelled_
%%
 (Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit":)
 Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello,
 No one's here, no one's home,
 Leave a message, at the tone.
 Don't feel stupid, it's no big fuss,
 Leave a message, you can reach us.
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
Nirvana? Thats the place where the powers that be and their
 friends hang out.
 -- Zonker Harris
%%
Nirvana: What do you do when you want to have sex?
Rimmer: We...go for runs? Watch gardening video's on the ship's vid?
 -- Red Dwarf 'Holoship'
%%
Nissan: Nasty Import Sucks Savings Away to Nippon
%%
Nissan: Now In Some Shitty Automobile Nightmare
%%
Nitpicking:  Not just a hobby, it's a way of life!
%%
Nitrate:  Cheaper than a day rate...
%%
Nitrate:  Different than the day rate.
%%
Nitrate:  Lower than the day rate.
%%
Nitwit ideas are for emergencies.  You use them when you've got nothing else
to try.  If they work, they go in the Book.  Otherwise you follow the Book,
which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.
 -- Larry Niven, "The Mote in God's Eye"
%%
Nixon did it to us, but we did it to him.
%%
Nixon in '96: because a corpse could do a better job than Clinton.
%%
Nixon in '96: because a corpse is the best the Republicans got.
%%
NLQ (NEAR LETTER-QUALITY)
  Euphemism in the field of computer printers. When the salesman says
  "yes sir or madam, this printer here offers Near-Letter-Quality
  printing" they actually mean "what, you're too stingy to shell out
  on a laser printer? Why not just write it all out by hand? Don't
  want to invest in the pencils? You scumbag."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
NLTDB:-):-):-):  Nothin' Left To Do But Smile, Smile, Smile.
%%
NMI from unknown source
%%
NMI: Negate Most Integers
%%
:NMI: /N-M-I/ n. Non-Maskable Interrupt.  An IRQ 7 on the PDP-11
   or 680[01234]0; the NMI line on an 80[1234]86.  In contrast with a
   {priority interrupt} (which might be ignored, although that is
   unlikely), an NMI is *never* ignored.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nmver doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can
 change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.
 -- Margaret Mead
%%
   n = ((n >>  1) & 0x55555555) | ((n <<  1) & 0xaaaaaaaa);
   n = ((n >>  2) & 0x33333333) | ((n <<  2) & 0xcccccccc);
   n = ((n >>  4) & 0x0f0f0f0f) | ((n <<  4) & 0xf0f0f0f0);
   n = ((n >>  8) & 0x00ff00ff) | ((n <<  8) & 0xff00ff00);
   n = ((n >> 16) & 0x0000ffff) | ((n << 16) & 0xffff0000);
 -- Yet another mystical 'C' gem. This one reverses the bits in a word.
%%
NNI: Neglect Next Instruction
%%
:N: /N/ quant. 1. A large and indeterminate number of objects:
   "There were N bugs in that crock!"  Also used in its
   original sense of a variable name: "This crock has N bugs,
   as N goes to infinity."  (The true number of bugs is always
   at least N + 1; see {Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic
   Entomology}.)  2. A variable whose value is inherited from the
   current context.  For example, when a meal is being ordered at a
   restaurant, N may be understood to mean however many people
   there are at the table.  From the remark "We'd like to order
   N wonton soups and a family dinner for N - 1" you
   can deduce that one person at the table wants to eat only soup,
   even though you don't know how many people there are (see
   {great-wall}).  3. `Nth': adj. The ordinal counterpart
   of N, senses 1 and 2.  "Now for the Nth and last
   time..." In the specific context "Nth-year grad
   student", N is generally assumed to be at least 4, and is
   usually 5 or more (see {tenured graduate student}).  See also
   {{random numbers}}, {two-to-the-N}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
 __  ____n n Y
[__\_[__])))))-
 0 0  O-O-O-oo\
%%
"No. 1.... The LARCH tree."
 -- Monty Python
%%
No 2-way radios during daylight hours.
%%
No action is without side effects.
 -- Barry Commoner
%%
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
 -- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Noah!  Come quick!  There's water in the basement!
%%
Noah saved animals from the flood by arcing them!
%%
Noah upgraded and built an ARJ!
%%
No, AIDS is a virus.  Pat Robertson is a punishment from God.
%%
No airport is so small that it can pass the opportunity to have Gate # 96.
%%
No, a liberal is someone who insists that the government should
intervene and restrict argument-winning on grounds that violates
people's self-esteem and is clearly prejudicial to peoples whose
cultural and socioeconomic upbringing do not allow them to develop
competitive arguing skills.
%%
 No, Alydon.   And you must throw off these suspicions.  They're
  based on fear.  And fear breeds hatred and war.  I shall speak to
  them peacefully.  They'll see that I'm unarmed.  There's no
  better argument against war than that.
 -- Temmosus, THE DEAD PLANET (The Daleks)
%%
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck!
%%
No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment
can prove me wrong.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with
detail.
 -- Levy's Eighth Law
%%
No amount of misfortune will satisfy the man who is not satisfied with
reading a hundred epigrams.
 -- Martial
%%
No amount of organization can counteract determined laziness.
 -- Chris Hansen
%%
No anchovies, please.
%%
No animal should ever jump on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely
certain that he can hold his own in conversation.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
 -- Social Studies
%%
No answer is also an answer.
%%
No Applause, Please.
%%
No argument can be drawn from the abuse of a thing against its use.
%%
No arts, no letters, no society, and which is worst of all, continual
fear and danger of violent death, and the life of man solitary, poor,
nasty, brutish, and short.
 -- Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679)
 -- The Leviathan, Part i, Chap. xviii
%%
No atheist, as such, can be a true friend, an affectionate relation,
or a loyal subject.
 -- Dr. Bentley
%%
No author ever spar'd a brother.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Elephant and the Bookseller
%%
No baby on board - you can destroy my car now.
%%
No ball game is ever much good unless the people involved hate each other.
 -- Avery
%%
No balls ... no blue chips!
%%
No bath cures ignorance, but drowning would help.
%%
No bathroom? Just boldly go where no man has gone before.
%%
"No beer?  I think that comes under 'sick and in pain.'"
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
No beer, wine, or liquor will ever touch my lips...I use a straw.
%%
Nobel laureates do it in the bank.
%%
Nobel Prize Cannibals: Laurie Ate
%%
No Bermuda vacation...the bridge is out.
%%
No better than you should be.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Coxcomb, Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Nobility is the one only virtue.
 -- Juvenal (47-138 AD)
 -- Satire viii, 20
%%
No, Bimodem doesn't mean your modem is gay.
%%
No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
No blame. He meets him without passing by.
Going brings danger. One must be on guard.
Do not act. Be constantly persevering.
%%
 (Noble, aristocratic voice:)  Yes, one million dollars COULD be
 yours, IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason
 WHY you want to join the ranks of The Rich and Famous!  If this
 is Ross Perot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, or Princess Di, just
 leave your VISA number and expiration date, and we will
 definitely get back to you!
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Noble deeds that are concealed are most esteemed.
%%
Noblehearted keeping still.
Good fortune.
%%
Noblehearted return.
No remorse.
%%
Noble life demands a noble architecture for noble uses of noble men.
 Lack of culture means what it has always meant: ignoble civilization
and therefore imminent downfall.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
NOBLEMAN, n.  Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious
to incur social distinction and suffer high life.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Nobles and heralds, by your leave,
  Here lies what once was Matthew Prior;
The son of Adam and of Eve:
  Can Bourbon or Nassau claim higher?
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Epitaph, Extempore
%%
No blessed leisure for love or hope,
  But only time for grief.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Song of the Shirt
%%
Noblesse oblige. [Nobility has its obligations.]
 -- Gaston Pierre Marc, Duc de Levis (1764-1830)
 -- Maximes et Reflexions (1812 ed.)
 -- "Morale: Maximes et Preceptes" no. 73
%%
Noblesse oblige; or, superior advantages bind you to larger generosity.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
No boasting of wealth before one's neighbor.
It is favorable to attack with force.
Nothing that would not further.
%%
Nobody, as long as he moves about among the chaotic currents of life,
is without trouble.
 -- Carl Jung
%%
Nobody "becomes" a character. You can't act unless you are who you are.
 -- Marlon Brando
%%
Nobody believes a rumor in Washington until it's officially denied.
 -- Edward Cheyfitz
%%
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an
  unidentified source.
 -- Ron Nesen
%%
Nobody but a lawyer can tell legal from illegal, and the lawyers
can't tell right from wrong anymore.
 -- Larry Niven and Jerry E. Pournelle "Oath of Fealty"  (1981)
%%
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
%%
Nobody can be exactly like me.  Sometimes even I have trouble doing
it.
 -- Tallulah Bankhead
%%
Nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has
just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
 -- Sydney Harris
%%
Nobody can compel me to be happy in his own way. Paternalism is the
 greatest despotism.
 -- Immanuel Kant
%%
Nobody can count themselves an artist unless they can carry a picture in
 their head before they paint it.
 -- Claude Monet
%%
Nobody can fix the economy.
Nobody can be trusted with their finger on the button.
Nobody's perfect.
VOTE FOR NOBODY
%%
Nobody can give you freedom.
%%
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.
 -- Cicero
%%
Nobody can have the soul of me.  My mother has had if, and nobody can
have it again.  Nobody can come into my very self again, and breathe
me like an atmosphere.
 -- D. H. Lawrence
%%
Nobody can read Freud without realizing that he was the scientific
equivalent of another nuisance, George Bernard Shaw.
 -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
%%
Nobody died and made you root@everywhere
%%
Nobody does good to man with impunity.
 -- Auguste Rodin (1840-1917)
%%
Nobody else changes the SUBJECT line!!!  WHY SHOULD I!?
%%
Nobody else knows what to do either.
%%
Nobody ever eats at that restaurant anymore.  It's always
too crowded.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Nobody ever gives up their seat for you.
%%
Nobody ever goes in, nobody ever comes out!
%%
Nobody ever made any money by being paid once
for something they had to do twice.
 -- Les McCabe, Amdahl New Zealand
%%
Nobody ever promised it would make sense...
%%
Nobody ever puts up a sign that says NICE DOG.
%%
Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
%%
Nobody ever said it was going to be easy, baby!
 -- Boxcar Bertha.
%%
Nobody ever says to men, how can you be a Congressman and a father.
 -- Pat Schroeder
%%
Nobody ever sees you eat a tuna fish sandwich.
 -- David Brenner
%%
Nobody expects the ... Oh Bugger!
%%
Nobody gets justice. People get good luck or bad luck.
 -- Orson Welles
%%
Nobody goes to bed hungry in America
 -- R. Reagan
%%
Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old
by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give
up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
 -- Samuel Ullman
%%
 Nobody has a right to his opinion.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Nobody has ever bet enough on the winning horse.
%%
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
%%
Nobody has so many friends that he can afford to lose one.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Nobody HAS to do anything.
 -- McCabe's law
%%
Nobody helps nobody but himself!
 -- Bela Oxmyx, "A Piece of the Action," stardate unknown.
%%
Nobody hipped me to that, dude.
 -- Pee Wee
%%
Nobody home but the lights, and they're out too.
%%
Nobody, including the Supreme court, knows what obscenity is.
 -- Norman Dorsen
%%
NOBODY inquisites the Spanish Expectation!
%%
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius.  A genius is
 somebody like Norman Einstein.
 -- Former quarterback Joe Theisman
%%
Nobody is ever really ready for anything. If they were, there would be no point
in living through it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart;
for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.
 -- James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name" 1961
%%
Nobody is one block of harmony.  We are all afraid of something, or feel
limited in something.  We all need somebody to talk to.  It would be good
if we talked to each other--not just pitter-patter, but real talk.  We
shouldn't be so afraid, because most people really like this contact;
that you show you are vulnerable makes them free to be vulnerable too.
It's so much easier to be together when we drop our masks.
 -- Liv Ullman
%%
Nobody knows I'm GAY!
%%
Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that
it is old enough to know better.
%%
Nobody knows the Tribbles I've seen.
%%
Nobody knows the trouble I have been.
%%
Nobody knows what goes between his cold toes and his warm ears.
 -- Roy Harper
%%
Nobody leaves here till they sing the blues.
%%
Nobody liked me because I was too popular.
 -- Jackie Vernon
%%
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
%%
Nobody loves a woman because she is handsome or ugly, stupid or
intelligent.  We love because we love.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
Nobody loves life like him that's growing old.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Acrisius, Frag. 63
%%
Nobody loves me but my mother,
And she could be jivin' too.
 -- B. B. King
 -- blues lyric
%%
Nobody loves me,
Everybody hates me,
I think I'll go out and eat worms.
I'm gonna cut their heads off,
Eat their insides out,
And throw way the skins.
Big, fat, juicy ones,
Little, skinny, cute ones,
Watch how they wiggle and they squirm.
%%
Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could
 only do a little.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
NOBODY, MR
  Semi-mythical person whom I was always told would come to clean my
  room. But he never did.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
 -- e e cummings, _Somewhere I have Never Travelled_
%%
Nobody notices the big errors.
 -- Mayes Law.
%%
Nobody notices when things go right, I'm always noticed.
%%
Nobody notices when things go right.
 -- Zimmerman's Law of Complaints
%%
Nobody perceives anything with total accuracy.
 -- Jack A. Marshall
%%
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.
%%
Nobody roots for Goliath.
%%
Nobody says, "Can I have your beets?"
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
Nobody seems more obsessed by diet than our antimaterialist, otherworldly, New
Age, spiritual types. But if the material world is merely illusion, an honest
guru should as content with Budweiser and bratwurst as with raw carrot juice,
tofu, and seaweed slime.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
%%
Nobody shot me.
 -- Frank Gusenberg
 -- [Last words, when asked by police who had shot him 14 times
 -- with a machine gun in the Saint Valentine's Day massacre.]
%%
Nobody's interested in sweetness and light.
%%
Nobody slimes ME and gets away with it.
%%
Nobody's perfect...  We are what we are!
%%
Nobody steps on a church in MY town!
%%
Nobody suffers the pain of birth or the anguish of loving a child in
order for presidents to make wars, for governments to feed on the
substance of their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young
and rob the old.
 -- Lewis Lapham
%%
Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
"Nobody talks about my failures anymore, just my successes.  In
 my 30 expeditions to 8000ers 12 times I failed.  Real success
 in expeditions is coming back safe."
 -- Reinhold Messner
%%
Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man
winning than the man who inherited his father's store or farm.
 -- C. Wright Mills
%%
Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist there is no God.
 -- Heywood Hale Broun (1888-1939)
%%
Nobody told you not to be a plumber
%%
Nobody trips over mountains.  It is the small pebble that causes you
to stumble.  Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you
have crossed the mountain.
%%
Nobody wants constructive criticism.  It's all we can do to put up with
 constructive praise.
%%
Nobody wants to read anyone else's formulas.
 -- Finman's Law of Mathematics
%%
Nobody wins, slamming doors.
%%
Nobody with the intelligence to understand something with four thousand
moving parts will ever become an auto mechanic.
 -- Charlie Kozak
%%
Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
No Books are lost by lending except those you particularly want to keep.
 -- Atwood's Fourteenth Corollary
%%
No bounds his headlong, vast ambition knows.
 -- Rowe.
%%
NO BRAINER:
   A decision which, viewed through the retrospectoscope,
is "obvious" to those who failed to make it originally.
%%
No Brain, No Pain.
%%
No-bra speech: Point here, point there, shaky in between!
%%
No bugs?  Don't worry...  I can fix that...
%%
No, but 11 other guys did.
 -- Gordie Howe, former hockey player,
 -- asked if he'd ever broken his nose playing hockey
%%
No, but I can get close enough that it won't make any difference.
%%
No, but I know a little about women.
 -- James Bond
%%
No, but they gave one to me anyway.
 -- LA Lakers rookie Elden Campbell,
 -- when asked if he earned a degree at Clemson University
%%
No call alligator long mouth till you pass him.
 -- Jamaican Proverb
%%
No caparisons, miss, if you please. Caparisons don't become a young woman.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
NO CARRIER?  How are we gonna land this modem?
%%
NO CARRIER - Navy Pilots Worst Nightmare
%%
NO CARRIER. Oh, well, I didn't want to land anyways.
%%
NO CARRIER - transceiver cable problem?
%%
NO CARRIER:..  what, does this mean I have to walk?
%%
No cause is helpless if it is just.  Errors, no matter how popular,
carry the seeds of their own destruction.
 -- John W. Scoville
%%
No ceremony that to great ones 'longs,
Not the king's crown, nor the deputed sword,
The marshal's truncheon, nor the judge's robe,
Become them with one half so good a grace
As mercy does.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
No chance for contact, there's no Raison D'Etre.
%%
No changes of circumstances can repair a defect of character.
 -- Emerson
%%
No character, however upright,
is a match for constantly reiterated attacks, however false.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
  _--_|\
 /      \     No child will live in poverty...
 \_.--._/         -- Bob Hawke
       v
%%
No Chips, no fun.
%%
No civilized person ever goes to bed the same day he gets up.
%%
No clap of thunder in a fair frosty day could more astonish the world
than our declaration of war against Holland in 1672.
 -- Sir William Temple (1628-1699)
 -- Memoirs, Vol. ii, p. 255
%%
No class of Americans, so far as I know, has ever objected to any amount of
governmental meddling if it appeared to benefit that particular class.
 -- Carl Becker
%%
No Clinton! I said "Fax me" not "Tax me"!
%%
No Commander, I meant the OTHER battlestar.
%%
No Command Processor, Oh No, Not Again!!!!
%%
No comment is a comment.
%%
No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a
camel -- anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform
effectively under such difficult conditions.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
No company is far preferable to bad, because we are more apt to catch the
vices of others than virtues, as disease is far more courageous than health.
 -- Colton
%%
No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but
 most of the time, we aren't either.
 -- Marvin Minsky
%%
No condo, no MBA, no BMW, no 486, no clever tagline.
%%
No cord nor cable can so forcibly draw, or hold so fast, as love can
do with a twined thread.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
No costume is complete without cat hair
%%
No country in history has ever taxed itself into prosperity.
%%
No creature smarts so little as a fool.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 84
%%
No creo en Dios, pero le tengo miedo.
[I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of Him.]
 -- Gabriel Garcia Marquez,
 -- "El Amor en los Tiempos de Colera", 1985
%%
No cry.
In the end misfortune comes.
%%
Nocturnal motions as we leave our cocoons
 Antennae tuned to inhuman vibrations
 Shaping the cities of the world that's to come.
 -- Killing Joke "Inside The Termite Mound"
%%
NO customer can be worse than no customer.
%%
No daintie flowre or herbe that growes on grownd,
No arborett with painted blossoms drest
And smelling sweete, but there it might be fownd
To bud out faire, and throwe her sweete smels al arownd.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book ii, Canto vi, St. 12
%%
Nodding the head does not row the boat.
%%
:noddy: /nod'ee/ [UK: from the children's books] adj.
   1. Small and un-useful, but demonstrating a point.  Noddy programs
   are often written by people learning a new language or system.  The
   archetypal noddy program is {hello, world}.  Noddy code may be
   used to demonstrate a feature or bug of a compiler.  May be used of
   real hardware or software to imply that it isn't worth using.
   "This editor's a bit noddy."  2. A program that is more or less
   instant to produce.  In this use, the term does not necessarily
   connote uselessness, but describes a {hack} sufficiently trivial
   that it can be written and debugged while carrying on (and during
   the space of) a normal conversation.  "I'll just throw together a
   noddy {awk} script to dump all the first fields."  In North
   America this might be called a {mickey mouse program}.  See
   {toy program}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NODE: Past tense of to know.  "I node him for years!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
No device ERROR attempting to read user's mind.
%%
Node:  Was aware of...
%%
No directory.
%%
No discipline is ever requisite to force
attendance upon lectures which are really worth the attending.
 -- Adam Smith (1723-1790), "The Wealth of Nations"
%%
No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of
those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.
 -- Robert Southey
%%
No dog will knock a vase over unless it has water in it.
%%
No!  Don't touch my baby!  GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE KEYBOARD!
%%
    No doubt, a scientist isn't necessarily penalized for
being a complex, versatile, eccentric individual with lots of
extra-scientific interests.  But it certainly doesn't help him
a bit.
 -- Stephen Toulmin
%%
No doubt equality of goods is just; but, being unable to cause
might to obey
justice, men have made it just to obey might.  Unable to strengthen
justice,
they have justified might; so that the just and the strong might unite,
and there would be peace, which is the sovereign good.
 -- Pascal
%%
No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was
 human nature.
%%
No Drury Lane for you to-day.
 -- James Smith (1775-1839)
 -- Rejected Addresses, The Baby's Debut
%%
No ear can hear nor tongue tell the tortures of the inward hell!
 -- Lord Byron
%%
No enemy is so terrible as a man of genius.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
No epigram contains the whole truth.
 -- C. W. Thompson
%%
No error . . . yet.
 -- WindowError: 002
%%
No, "Eureka" is Greek for "This bath is too hot."
 -- Dr. Who
%%
No evil can happen to a good man.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
No evil is greater than indifference toward evil.
%%
No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.
 -- Aristotle
%%
No executive devotes effort to proving himself wrong.
%%
No experiment is ever a complete failure. It can always serve as a bad example,
or the exception that proves the rule (but only if it is the first experiment
in the series).
 -- Futility Factor
%%
No experiment is reproduceable.
 -- Wyszowsky's Second Law
%%
No experiment is reproducible.
 -- Wyszowski's First Law
%%
No extensible language will be universal.
 -- T. Cheatham
%%
No extra charge for heavy sarcasm.
%%
No eye to watch, and no tongue to wound us,
All earth forgot, and all heaven around us.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Come o'er the Sea
%%
No Facts but...
%%
No fair, you're trying to confuse me with facts here.
%%
No falsehood lingers into old age.
 -- Sophocles (406 BC)
%%
No family should ever attempt a car trip if the children outnumber the windows.
%%
No-fault insurance may be all right, but it would never have the popularity
 of somebody else's fault.
%%
No female shall appear in a bathing suit at any airport in this
State unless she is escorted by two officers or unless she is armed
with a club.  The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females
weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it
apply to female horses.
 -- Fortune's Law of the Week (this week, from Kentucky)
%%
No files copied, insufficient disk space.
%%
No filter in the coffeemaker.
%%
No fish in the tank. This leads to misfortune.
%%
No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris ...
 [because] no known motor can run at the requisite speed for
 four days without stopping ...
 -- Orville Wright (c. 1908)
%%
No food, no sleep, just THE GAME.
%%
No fools are so troublesome as those who have some wit.
 -- La Rochefouccauld
%%
No form of Nature is inferior to Art; for the arts merely imitate
natural forms.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, xi, 10
%%
No free lunch in an ecosystem.
%%
No free man shall ever be de-barred the use of arms.  The strongest
reason for the people to retain their right to keep and bear arms is as
a last resort to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
No freeman shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), June 1776
%%
No friendship is so cordial or so delicious as that of girl for girl;
no hatred so intense or immovable as that of woman for woman.
 -- Landor
%%
No friendship lives long that owes its rise to the pot.
 -- Proverb
%%
No furniture is as charming as books, even if you never open them.
 -- Sydney Smith
%%
No further seek his merits to disclose,
  Or draw his frailties from their dread abode
(There they alike in trembling hope repose),
  The bosom of his Father and his God.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Epitaph
%%
No generalization is wholly true, not even this one.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes jr.
%%
No generalization is worth a damn...including this one.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
Noggenavigation: Ability of parents to guide kids by the tops of heads.
%%
No gilded dome swells from the lowly roof to catch the morning or
evening beam; but the love and gratitude of united America settle
upon it in one eternal sunshine. From beneath that humble roof went
forth the intrepid and unselfish warrior, the magistrate who knew
no glory but his country's good; to that he returned, happiest when
his work was done. There he lived in noble simplicity, there he died
in glory and peace. While it stands, the latest generations of the
grateful children of America will make this pilgrimage to it as to
a shrine; and when it shall fall, if fall it must, the memory and
the name of Washington shall shed an eternal glory on the spot.
 -- Edward Everett (1794-1865)
 -- Oration on the Character of Washington
%%
No girdle ever cured a pregnancy.
%%
No goodbyes. Just good memories. Hailing frequencies closed, sir.
 -- Yar, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
No good deed goes unpunished.
 -- Clare Boothe Luce
%%
No good man ever grew rich all at once.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 837
%%
No Government can be long secure without a formidable Opposition.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
%%
No government door can be closed against the 1st Amendment and no
 government action is immune from its force.
 -- Bursey v. US (466 F.2d 1059)
%%
No grain in the silo.
%%
No grass grows where my horse has trod.
 -- Atilla the Hun
%%
No great artist ever sees things as they are.  If he did he would
cease to be an artist.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
No great discovery was ever made without a bold guess.
 -- Sir Isaac Newton
%%
No greater grief than to remember days
Of joy when misery is at hand.
 -- Dante (1265-1321)
 -- Hell, Canto v, Line 121
%%
No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting.
%%
No great thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes
or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that
there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xv
%%
No guest is so welcome in a friend's house
that he will not become a nuisance after three days.
 -- Titus Maccius Plautus (254?-184 B.C.)
%%
No Guns, No Peace / Know Guns, Know Peace.
%%
No guts, no glory.
%%
No hammers fell, no ponderous axes rung;
Like some tall palm the mystic fabric sprung.
Majestic silence!
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- Palestine
%%
No harm can come to a good man in life or death.
 -- Socrates
%%
No hay in the loft.
%%
No, here 's to the pilot that weathered the storm!
 -- George Canning (1770-1827)
 -- The Pilot that weathered the Storm
%%
No hidden cameras in this store.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
No hinge nor loop
To hang a doubt on.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
No historical taglines found...
%%
NO HITCHHIKERS! (Except for blondes, brunettes and redheads!)
%%
No, honey, I can't eat with the family tonite.  My computer gets lonely.
%%
No honey, it's only a computer, PLEASE put down the gun..
%%
No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it.
 -- Earl Wilson
%%
No house should ever be on any hill or anything. It should be of the hill,
 so hill and house can live together each the happier for the other.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
No human being can really understand another, and
 no one can arrange another's happiness.
 -- Graham Greene
%%
No human thing is of serious importance.
 -- Plato
%%
# nohup rm -rf /&
%%
No, I am not sending Morse code.
%%
No, I am that I am, and they that level
At my abuses reckon up their own.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet cxxi
%%
No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.
%%
No idea is so antiquated that it was not once modern; no idea is so modern
that it will not someday be antiquated.
 -- Ellen Glasgow
%%
No, I don't have a graduate degree - why do you ask?
%%
No, I don't have any taglines to give you.  Go Away.
%%
No, I don't like it!
%%
No, I DON'T watch "Nine Hoes Do One Hoe!"
%%
No, I don't wear a seat belt.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
No, I had no problem communicating with Latin American heads of state -
 though now I do wish I had paid more attention to Latin when I was in high
 school.
 -- American Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
No, I have not grown roots into this chair!
%%
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
 -- Pick up line
%%
NO, I'm not a Kennedy. My pants just fell down!
%%
No, I'm not an elitist.  Why do you ask, peasant?
%%
No, I'm NOT an Extended Character.
%%
No, I'm not deaf.. I'm just ignoring you.
%%
No, I'm not going to explain it.   If you can't figure it out, you
didn't want to know anyway...  :-)
 -- Larry Wall in <1991Aug7.180856.2854@netlabs.com>
%%
No, I'm NOT in a good mood today. I haven't shot the Rangers yet!
%%
No, I'm NOT in a good mood today. The Bruins won!
%%
No, I'm NOT in a good mood today. The Canadiens lost!
%%
No, I'm NOT in a good mood today. The Rangers won the Cup!
%%
No, I'm not shy - just poor and unemployed.
%%
No, impossible in this temperature.   Besides, it's too warm.
   Doctor, Keys of Marinus
%%
No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell
 won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself.  Here, I'll prove it.
%%
No, I'm tellin ya my CAT REALLY ate my 1040 form!
%%
No inequity is too trivial.
%%
No innocent man buys a gun and no happy man writes his memoirs.
 -- Raymond Duff Payne
 -- (from "Lake Wobegon Days" by Garrison Keillor)
%%
No input .. No output .. NO CARRIER
%%
NO, I said butt light.
%%
Noise? Did you hear a noise, Percy?
...No.
Good.
..apart from that colossal drunken roar. (Edmund kicks Percy off chair)
 -- Edmund and Percy : Beer
%%
Noise is Forbidden!: Nada Loud
%%
NOISE, n.  A stench in the ear.  Undomesticated music.  The chief
product and authenticating sign of civilization.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Noise proves nothing.  Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as
if she had laid an asteroid.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
No is no negative in a woman's mouth.
 -- Sidney
%%
 (Noisy pick-up of phone.)  Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just
 about to steal Troy's answering machine.  If you give me your
 name and number I'll...  Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where
 he'll see it.  Uh...  By the way, where did you say you live?
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
!noitatskrow NUS a edisni deppart m'I  !pleH
%%
No, it doesn't come with bloody wafers!
%%
No, it's a feature... Really.
%%
No, it's 'Blessed are the meek.'   I think that's nice, 'cause really they have
 a hell of a time.
 -- someone in the crowd in The Life of Brian
%%
No, I was joking ... REALLY ... you can put down that machine gun ...
%%
No job is so small it doesn't require all your tools.
%%
No job is too small to screw up!
%%
No job too big; no fee too big!
 -- Bill Murray, GHOSTBUSTERS
%%
No job too big, no job too small, no job too stupid
%%
No, just another minute on the modem, and THEN you can call 911!
%%
No, just *a* Zaphod Beeblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?
%%
No, just the nipple-cones, officer, just the nipple-cones.
%%
no keyboard found
%%
No Klingons need apply.
%%
No: Kurt Reply
%%
No lady, I said you've got great set of BITS.
%%
Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball straightened
out.
 -- Joe Garagiola
%%
No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature.  Good and bad are
but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is
what is after my own constitution; the only wrong what is against it.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding.
 -- Plato, Laws
%%
NO LAWYERING
Prosecutors Will Be Violated
-the management
%%
No legacy is so rich as honesty.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,
And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee
Where thrift may follow fawning.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
No, let the monarch's bags and others hold
The flattering, mighty, nay, al-mighty gold.
 -- John Wolcot (1738-1819)
 -- To Kien Long, Ode iv
%%
No liberals = no progress = no computers = no BBSs.
%%
No! Light speed is too slow!
%%
No, light the OTHER end of the stage tree!
%%
No line available at 300 baud.
%%
NOLO CONTENDERE:
A legal term meaning: "I didn't do it,
judge, and I'll never do it again."
[real translation: "I don't want to discuss"]
 -- Antonio
%%
No. Lt. Worf, you will make no move against him unless I order it.
Pity, you might have learned an interesting lesson macrohead, with a
  microbrain.
 -- Picard and Q, "Hide and Q", stardate 41590.5
%%
No machine can replace man until it
learns to drink!
%%
No main() No Gain!
%%
No major project is ever installed on time,
  within budgets, with the same staff that started it. Yours will not be the
  first.
 -- Laws of Project Management #1
%%
No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money.
 -- Samueel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach.
 -- William C. Brann (1855-1898), "Iconoclast"
%%
No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend until
he is unhappy.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
No man can be wise on an empty stomach.
 -- George Eliot
%%
No man can lose what he never had.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. v
%%
No man can possibly improve in any company for which he has not respect
enough to be under some degree of restraint.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
No man can produce great things who is not thoroughly sincere in dealing
with himself.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Rousseau and the Sentimentalists
%%
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
%%
No man e'er felt the halter draw,
With good opinion of the law.
 -- John Trumbull (1750-1831)
 -- McFingal, Canto iii, Line 489
%%
No man ever became extremely wicked all at once.
 -- Juvenal (47-138 AD)
 -- Satire ii, 83
%%
No man ever wetted clay and then left it, as if there would be bricks
by chance and fortune.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Fortune
%%
No man, examining his marriage intelligently, can fail to observe
that it is compounded, at least in part, of slavery, and that he
is the slave.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "The Portable Curmudgeon"
%%
No man goes before his time.  Unless, of course, the boss leaves early.
%%
No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
No man has a right to do as he pleases, unless he pleases to do right.
%%
No man has ever risen to the real stature of spiritual manhood until
he has found it is finer to serve somebody else than it is to serve
himself.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
No man has ever yet been hanged for breaking the spirit of the law.
 -- Grover Cleveland
%%
No man in the world has more courage than
 the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
 -- Channing Pollock
%%
No man is above the law and no man below it.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
No man is a hero to his valet.
 -- Anne-Marie Bigot de Cornuel
%%
No man is an island, but in the bathroom urination.
%%
No man is an island, but some of us are pretty good peninsulas.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
No man is an island, but then no man is a potato salad, either.
%%
No man is an Island, entire of it self; every man is a piece of the
Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a
manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes
me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know
for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
 -- John Donne (c.1571-1631)
 -- Devotions upon Emergent Occasions (1624) "Meditation XVII"
%%
No man is an island........except for Raymond Burr.
%%
No man is an island so long as he is on at least one mailing list.
%%
No man is born into the world whose work
Is not born with him. There is always work,
And tools to work withal, for those who will;
And blessed are the horny hands of toil.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- A Glance behind the Curtain
%%
No man is competent unless he can stalk alone and armed in the wilderness.
 -- Townsend Whelen
%%
No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to
 say them deliberately.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
No man is free who is not master of himself.
 -- Epictetus
%%
No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's
consent.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
No man is happy who does not think himself so.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 584
%%
No man is justified in doing evil on the grounds of expedience.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.
 -- Robert Morely
%%
No man is more unhappy than the one who is never in adversity; the
greatest affliction of life is never to be afflicted.
Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters.
 -- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
No man is so foolish but he may sometimes give another good counsel, and no man
so wise that he may not easily err if he takes no other counsel than his own.
He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a teacher.
 -- Ben Johnson
%%
No man is the wiser for his learning.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Learning
%%
No man is useless who has a friend, and if we are loved we are indispensable.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
No man is wise enough to be another man's master. Each man's as good as the
next--if not a damn sight better.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
No man is worth his salt who is not ready at all times to risk his
well-being, to risk his body, to risk his life in a great cause.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
No man knows of what stuff he is made until prosperity and ease
try him.
 -- A.P. Gouthey
%%
No man likes to be smoked out of his hole in February.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
No man-made structure in all of American history has been hated so much, by so
many, for so long, with such good reason, as that Glen Canyon Dam at Page,
Arizona, Shithead Capital of Coconino County.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean,
for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
 -- Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918), "The Education of Henry Adams", 1907
%%
No man of honor, as that word is usually understood, did ever pretend that his
honor obliged him to be chaste and temperate, to pay his creditors, to
be useful to his country, or to do good to mankind, to endeavor to be
wise or learned, to regard his word, his promise, or his oath.
 -- John Hall
%%
No man ought to looke a given horse in the mouth.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. v
%%
No man's ambition has a right to stand in
the way of performing a simple act of justice.
 -- John Altgeld
%%
No man should be without a beer.
 -- Rule #1
%%
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at
least one woman.
 -- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
%%
No man's knowledge here can go beyond his experience.
 -- John Locke
%%
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while
the legislature is in session.
 -- Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government
%%
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the Legislature is in
 session.
 -- Lysander Spooner
%%
No man's pie is freed
From his ambitious finger.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
No man steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's
 not the same man.
 -- Heraclitus (540?-480? B.C.)
%%
        No man, those lights are out on purpose.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
No man was ever so much deceived by another as by himself.
 -- Greville
%%
No man was ever taken to hell by a woman unless he already had a ticket in
 his pocket, or at least had been fooling around with timetables.
 -- Archie Goodwin
%%
No man who is in a hurry is quite civilized.
 -- Will and Ariel Durant
%%
No man who needs a monument ever ought to have one
 -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
No man will take counsel, but every man will take money; therefore, money
 is better than counsel.
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
No man with any sense of humor, ever founded a religion.
 -- Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
 -- E. W. Howe
%%
No matter how bad it is, there's always worse.
%%
No matter how carefully you shop for an item, once bought, it will be on sale
elsewhere cheaper.
 -- Lewis's Law
%%
No matter how careful one is in resealing the inner
liner in a cereal box, it will tear where it is glued to the box.
 -- Stale's Law
%%
No matter how clever the hardware boys are, the software boys piss it away.
%%
No matter how complicated you think it is, it's still more complicated.
 -- Joel
%%
No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back.
 -- Turkish Proverb
%%
No matter how friendly you would like to be, it is not a good idea to shake
 hands with the mechanic, just after he comes from under the car.
%%
No matter how good it is, there's always better.
%%
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats,
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
 -- Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom
%%
No matter how hard you throw a dead fish in the water, it still won't swim.
%%
    No matter how hard you try, there is always going to be
someone more underground than you.
 -- Robert Fulford
%%
No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.
%%
No matter how many daughters you have, there are always more than enough
 sneaky-eyed boy friends to take care of the need.
%%
No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it,
because it'll never be quite the same again.
 -- John Cameron
%%
No matter how much it costs to go to the State University, it will cost
 just about five times that much to go to the State Penitentiary, so it is
 much cheaper to go to the State University and far more interesting and
 rewarding.
%%
No matter how much money you spend, you can't make a racehorse out of a
pig.  You can, however, make an awfully fast pig.
%%
No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after-dinner
 speech will counteract it.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
No matter how much the passengers eat, the weight of the plane stays the same.
 -- Steve Connelly
%%
No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
%%
  No matter how much you try to avoid it, you will spend at least five
minutes of your life watching Mr. T on television.
%%
No matter how often you trade dinner or other invitations with
in-laws, you will lose a small fortune in the exchange. Corollary:
Don't try it; you cannot drink enough of your in-laws' booze to get
even before the liver fails.
 -- Jackson Clark
%%
No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
No matter how slow the film, Spirit always stands still long enough
for the photographer It has chosen.
 -- Minor White, Photographer
%%
No matter how sophisticated you may be, a large granite mountain
cannot be denied -- it speaks in silence to the very core of your
being.
 -- Ansel Adams
%%
No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in
 the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
%%
No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney.
 -- Alfred E. Smith
%%
No matter how weird or absurd, if you whisper it, people will believe it.
%%
No matter how well you perform your job, a superior will
seek to modify the results.
 -- Aigner's Axiom
%%
No matter how you slice it, you can have your cucumber and eat it too.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
No matter how you vote, a government still gets elected.
%%
No matter if it's heroin, cocaine, or hash
 ya got to carry weapons
 'cuz you always carry cash
 -- Glenn Frey
%%
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
 -- Scott's First Law
%%
No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew
it would.
 -- Evans and Bjorn's Law
%%
No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would.
%%
No matter what happens, the U.S. Navy is not going to be caught napping.
 -- Secretary of the Navy Frank Knox, December 5, 1941
%%
No matter what other nations may say about the United States,
immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
%%
  No matter what seat you take in a movie theatre, the seat directly in
front of you will soon be occupied by a six-foot tall woman with a
beehive hairdo that scrapes the ceiling.
  When you move away from the Beehive Lady, you will find yourself
sitting in front of a foul-smelling man who truly believes that he has a
supporting role in the film.  Thus he will talk to the characters on the
screen for the length of the picture.
%%
   No matter what stage of completion one reaches in a project,
   the cost of the remainder of the project remains constant.
 -- Q's Law
%%
No matter what temptation there is after an accident to be economical with
 the truth when rationalizing it with hindsight, please remember it would be
 unforgivable if, by not revealing the facts or the complete truth, a similar
 incident became an unavoidable accident.
 -- Captain Colin Seaman, British Aerospace's head of safety
%%
 No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be
someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it
happened according to his own pet theory.
 -- Finagle's Second Law
%%
No matter what the game, no matter what the rules, the same rules apply to
both sides!
 -- Hoyle's Law
%%
No matter what the package, a Beer still looks good.
%%
No matter what the product or service might be, you can always find
it somewhere else cheaper!
 -- Ebenezer Scrooge
%%
No matter what they SAY, size IS important!
%%
No matter what we are talking about, we are talking about ourselves.
 -- Prather
%%
No matter where I go, the place is always called 'here'.
%%
No matter where I go, there I am.  Hey!  I'm omnipresent!
%%
No matter where or what, there are makers, takers, and fakers.
Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
%%
No matter where you are, there you are.
 -- Oliver's Law of Location
%%
No matter where you go....I'll HUNT you down!!!
%%
No matter where you go, there you are.
 -- Buckaroo Banzai, Buckaroo Banzai - Across the 8th Dimension
%%
No matter where you go, you'll have to go someplace else.
%%
No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back.
 -- First Law of Canoeing
%%
No matter which side of an argument you're on, you always find some people
on your side that you wish were on the other side.
 -- Jascha Heifetz
%%
No matter which train you are waiting for, the wrong one comes first.
 -- J. R. Meditz
%%
No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #38
%%
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
 -- First Law of Bicycling
%%
No matter who you are, some scholar can show you
the great idea you had was had by someone before you.
%%
No Means No!
%%
"No Meat Too Flat To Eat"
 -- Road Kill Cafe
%%
No medicine can cure a vulgar person.
%%
No member of our generation who wasn't a Communist
or a dropout in the thirties is worth a damn.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson, 1960
%%
No method nor discipline can supersede the necessity of being forever on
 the alert.
 -- Henry Thoreau
%%
:NOMEX underwear: /noh'meks uhn'-der-weir/ [USENET] n. Syn.
   {asbestos longjohns}, used mostly in auto-related mailing lists
   and newsgroups.  NOMEX underwear is an actual product available on
   the racing equipment market, used as a fire resistance measure and
   required in some racing series.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
No military, lots of sex, some pot...hey!, Clinton's a hippie!
%%
NOMINAL EGG:
  New Yorkerese for expensive.
%%
:Nominal Semidestructor: n. Soundalike slang for `National
   Semiconductor', found among other places in the 4.3BSD networking
   sources.  During the late 1970s to mid-1980s this company marketed
   a series of microprocessors including the NS16000 and NS32000 and
   several variants.  At one point early in the great microprocessor
   race, the specs on these chips made them look like serious
   competition for the rising Intel 80x86 and Motorola 680x0 series.
   Unfortunately, the actual parts were notoriously flaky and never
   implemented the full instruction set promised in their literature,
   apparently because the company couldn't get any of the mask
   steppings to work as designed.  They eventually sank without trace,
   joining the Zilog Z8000 and a few even more obscure also-rans in
   the graveyard of forgotten microprocessors.  Compare {HP-SUX},
   {AIDX}, {buglix}, {Macintrash}, {Telerat}, {Open
   DeathTrap}, {ScumOS}, {sun-stools}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NOMINATE, v.  To designate for the heaviest political assessment.  To
put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting
of the opposition.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Nominations for PMS Poster Child are open.
%%
NOMINEE, n.  A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of
private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public
office.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
No moon tonight. Beware!
%%
No morality can be founded on authority, even if the authority were divine.
%%
No more blah, blah, blah!
 -- Kirk, "Miri," stardate 2713.6.
%%
NO MORE BU__ SH__
%%
No More Chicken Crossing the Road Jokes: The chicken actually HAS crossed
 the road, just to show the possum it could be done, so no more of those
 silly jokes!
%%
No More Circuit Breakers!: Ira Fuse
%%
No more money for Mickey. Use 4DOS and DRDOS
%%
No more money for MICROSOFT. USE 4DOS!!!!
%%
No more mud, death, rats, bombs, shrapnel, whizz-bangs, barbed wire
  and those bloody awful songs that have the word 'Whoops' in them.
 -- Edmund : Private Plane
%%
No more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
No more slave States; no slave Territories.
 -- Salmon P. Chase (1808-1873)
 -- Platform of the Free Soil National Convention, 1848
%%
No more taglines.  They make me sick.
%%
No more twit replies required. I got it! Thanks all!
%%
No more was seen the human form divine.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book x, Line 278
%%
No more we meet in yonder bowers
Absence has made me prone to roving;
But older, firmer hearts than ours,
Have found monotony in loving.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
No mountains I know of are so alluring.  None so hospitable, kindly, tenderly
inspiring.  It seems strange that everybody does not come at their call.  They
are given, like the Gospel, without money and without price.  'Tis heaven alone
that is given away.
 -- John Muir
%%
No moving parts!
%%
No mud can soil us but the mud we throw.
%%
No muff's too tough. We dive at five.
%%
No muff too tough for us...
 -- Sign at a muffler shop
%%
No mushy keyboards, please....
%%
No, my dear Doctor, you must die!
 -- The Master
%%
Non-Alcoholic Beer
 -- Oxymoron
%%
No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood
over the phone.
 -- Murphy's Twenty-First Law
%%
No napkin is sanitary enough for me.
%%
No Natasha, first we get the Korean Jet liner,
Then we get the moose and squirrel!
%%
No nation ancient of modern ever lost the liberty of freely speaking,
writing, or publishing their sentiments, but forthwith lost their liberty
in general and became slaves.
 -- John Peter Zenger (1697-1746)
%%
No nation was ever drunk when wine was cheap.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Non carborundum illegitimi.  (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
%%
Noncombatant:
 A dead Quaker.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
NON-COMBATANT, n.  A dead Quaker.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Non-conformists conform to non-conformity
 -- Tom Clancy
%%
Non-cooperation with evil is a much a duty as is cooperation with good.
%%
Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.
 -- M. J. O'Donnell
%%
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
%%
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they
are free.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
None are so desolate but something dear,
Dearer than self, possesses or possess'd
A thought, and claims the homage of a tear.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 24
%%
None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.
%%
None are so fond of secrets as those who don't mean to keep them.
 -- C. C. Colton
%%
None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
%%
None but a fool is always right.
 -- Hare
%%
None but a mule denies his family.
%%
None but an author knows an author's cares,
Or fancy's fondness for the child she bears.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
%%
None but himself can be his parallel.
 -- Louis Theobald (1691-1744)
 -- The Double Falsehood
%%
None but the brave deserves the fair.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 15
%%
None but the well-bred man knows how to confess a fault, or to restrain
himself to lust in his heart.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
None can comprehend eternity but the eternal God.  Eternity is an ocean,
whereof we shall never see the shore; it is a deep where we can find no
bottom; a labyrinth from whence we cannot extricate ourselves and where
we shall ever lose the door.
 -- Boston
%%
"No need losing one's head over it" 
 -- Famous Last Words, M. Antoinette
%%
No need to be pessimistic. It wouldn't have worked anyway.
%%
None ever loved but at first sight they loved.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- The Blind Beggar of Alexandria
%%
No Negro American can be free until the lowliest Negro in Mississippi
is no longer disadvantaged because of his race.
 -- Ralph Bunche
%%
None love the bearer of bad news.
 -- Sophocles
%%
None of Nature's landscapes are ugly so long as they are wild.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
None of our men are "experts."  We have most unfortunately found it
necessary to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert
-- because no one ever considers himself expert if he really knows
his job.    A man who knows a job sees so much more to be done than
he has done, that he is always pressing forward and never gives up
an instant of thought to how good and how efficient he is.     Thinking
always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a state
of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the
expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible.
 -- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work," p. 86 (1922):
%%
None of this is bad for America, is it?
 -- COCOON
%%
None of you actually exist; my SysOp types all this in.
%%
None of you understand.   I'm not locked up in here with you.  YOU'RE
 locked up in here with ME.
 -- Rorschach sets people straight.  WATCHMEN 6
%%
None of you would help me when I baked my bread, now all of you
would help me eat it.  I can see that you are very well fed,
which indicates that you don't need it.  Enough said.
%%
None so blind as those that will not see.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Jeremiah xx
%%
None so deaf as those that will not hear.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Psalm lviii
%%
None think the great unhappy but the great.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire i, Line 238
%%
None without hope e'er lov'd the brightest fair,
But love can hope where reason would despair.
 -- Lord Lyttleton (1709-1773)
 -- Epigram
%%
No news is good news.
%%
Nonexistent error.  This cannot really be happening.
 -- WindowError: 017
%%
Non-fiction often is more unrealistic than fiction.
%%
:nonlinear: adj. [scientific computation] 1. Behaving in an erratic
   and unpredictable fashion; unstable.  When used to describe the
   behavior of a machine or program, it suggests that said machine or
   program is being forced to run far outside of design
   specifications.  This behavior may be induced by unreasonable
   inputs, or may be triggered when a more mundane bug sends the
   computation far off from its expected course.  2. When describing
   the behavior of a person, suggests a tantrum or a {flame}.
   "When you talk to Bob, don't mention the drug problem or he'll go
   nonlinear for hours."  In this context, `go nonlinear' connotes
   `blow up out of proportion' (proportion connotes linearity).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
No, no! Beware the Ides of APRIL! (Tax time!)
%%
NO! NO! Don't touch the plot contrivance switch!
%%
No, no, I don't mind being called the smartest man in the world.  I just wish
it wasn't this one.
 -- Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, WATCHMEN
%%
No, no, I said I was into PORN again, not born again.
%%
No, no, no.  Don't tug on that, you never know what it might be attached to
 -- Buckaroo Banzai's Adventures Beyond the Eight Dimennsion, Buckaroo Banzai
%%
No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
%%
No,no..no,no,no,no...no,no,no,no...no,no there's no limit!
%%
No, no, not Penn State, State Pen!
%%
No, no! Not Ripple...SNAPPLE!
%%
 No!  NO!  Not THAT!  Anything but that!  Not the beep!  No!
 Please!  Not the beep!  Anything but the beep!
 AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
No, no, no.  You mean 286 and 386's are too slow, not Windows.
%%
No nonsense, please.
%%
No!  No, Nurse!  I said SLIP off his SPECTACLES!!
%%
No.. Noooo... Not That...
%%
:non-optimal solution: n. (also `sub-optimal solution') An
   astoundingly stupid way to do something.  This term is generally
   used in deadpan sarcasm, as its impact is greatest when the person
   speaking looks completely serious.  Compare {stunning}.  See also
   {Bad Thing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
No. Not even a 55 Buick has 100% stopping power.
 -- Gary Coffman
%%
No.  Not even in the face of Armageddon.  Never compromise.
 -- Rorschach's only, fatal principle, from WATCHMEN
%%
No! Nothing like that!  I'm just disabling your "virgin" feature.
%%
"No, not really.  But I'll mention it to my Aunt." - Vogon guard.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
No, not Tandy, he said Realistically.
%%
Nonsense and beauty have close connections.
 -- E. M. Forster
%%
Nonsense is good only because common sense is so limited.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
Nonsense.  I was just going to carve a little Z in your forehead,
that's all.
 -- F&L in Las Vegas
%%
Nonsense, no man I know can do it that way.
 -- O'Brien
%%
NONSENSE, n.  The objections that are urged against this excellent
dictionary.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.
 -- Heisenberg
%%
Nonsense. This is an AD&D game, so that CAN'T be Cthulhu.
%%
Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
%%
Non sequitur. Your facts are uncoordinated.
%%
Non-smoker, huh? I'd quit if I didn't think I'd become like you!
%%
Non-smokers are the worst advertisment for not smoking.
%%
Non-smokers do it without huffing and puffing.
%%
Non-Trekkies of the world-- GET A FUTURE!!
%%
:nontrivial: adj. Requiring real thought or significant computing
   power.  Often used as an understated way of saying that a problem
   is quite difficult or impractical, or even entirely unsolvable
   ("Proving P=NP is nontrivial").  The preferred emphatic form is
   `decidedly nontrivial'.  See {trivial}, {uninteresting},
   {interesting}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
No, Number One, it is _not_ your turn to say "engage".
%%
Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions
of our time; the need for mankind to overcome oppression and violence
without resorting to oppression and violence.  Mankind must evolve
for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression,
and retaliation.  The foundation of such a method is love.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr., December 11, 1964
%%
Non-violence is the policy of the vegetable kingdom
 -- H. G. Wells
%%
No oath too binding for a lover.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Phaedra, Frag. 848
%%
No object is mysterious.  The mystery is in your eye.
 -- Elizabeth Bowen
%%
No objects of value are worth risking the priceless experience of waking
up just one more day.
 -- Jack Smith
%%
No obligation. No salesman will call.
%%
No offense intended in anything above!
%%
No offense, sir.
None taken. I never killed anyone at the supper table, Mister LaForge.
 -- Geordi and Kurn, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
No, oh, no!  Bad, bad Zoot!
 -- Dingo, Zoot's identical twin sister
%%
No one becomes depraved in a moment.
 -- Decimus Junius Juvenalis
%%
No one can be like you. No one is that desperate.
%%
No one can call just once...
%%
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
 -- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)
%%
No one can enjoy freedom unless he is willing to surrender some part of it.
%%
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
%%
No one can forbid us the future.
 -- Inscription on the base of Paris's monument to Leon Gambetta
%%
No one can guarantee success in war, but only deserve it.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill, "Their Finest Hour"
%%
No one can guarantee the actions of another.
 -- Spock, "Day of the Dove," stardate unknown.
%%
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's
 a dirty little beast.
 -- W.S. Gilbert
%%
No one can hear when you're Screaming in Digital!
%%
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt, "This is My Story", 1937
%%
No one can make you feel more humble than the repairman who discovers
you've been trying to fix it yourself.
%%
No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of
change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the
gate of another, neither by argument nor by emotional appeal.
 -- Marilyn Furgeson
%%
No one can possibly achieve any real and lasting success or "get rich"
in business by being a conformist.
 -- J. Paul Getty
%%
No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
%%
No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate one and love the other,
or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and riches.
 -- Matthew 6:24
%%
No one can teach on an empty spirit.
 -- William Perky
%%
Noone could be happy-happy out of their head all the time,unless they
 were on some fierce drug altogether.
 -- Frank & Walters
%%
No one ever assassinated Clinton's character. IT COMMITTED SUICIDE!
%%
No one ever built a statue to a critic
%%
No one ever died from it.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
No one ever listened himself out of a job.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
No one ever made laws keeping people from making fools of themselves.
%%
No one ever prayed heartily without learning something.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
No one ever promised you a rose garden.
%%
No one ever says 'I am a reincarnated shoe salesman from Jersey', or anything.
%%
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American people.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
No one expects the Spammish Repetition!  Spam!  Spam!  Spam!
%%
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
 -- "Monty Python", British television show
%%
No one feels another's grief, no one understands another's joy. People
imagine that they can reach one another. In reality they only pass each
other by.
 -- Franz Schubert
%%
No one gets into trouble without his own help.
%%
No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
%%
No one goes to Hades with all his immense wealth.
 -- Theognis (c. 545 BC)
 -- Maxims, Line 725
%%
No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.
%%
No one grows old by living--only by losing interest in living.
 -- Marie Beynon Ray
%%
No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his
mouth shut.
 -- Sam Rayburn (1882-1961), Lawrence Daily Journal-World
%%
No one has ever died an atheist.
 -- Plato
%%
    No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.
 -- Sir Frederick G. Banting
%%
No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
No one has right to destroy another person's belief
by demanding empirical evidence.
 -- Ann Landers, nationally sindicated advice columnist
 -- and Director at Handgun Control Inc.
%%
No one has skin that is exactly the same color as a Band-Aid.
%%
No one has yet programmed a computer to be of two minds about a hard
problem or to burst out laughing.
 -- Lewis Thomas
%%
No one in the world walks around saying, "We're number two! We're number two!"
 -- CBS Sports commentator John Madden on losing the Super Bowl.
%%
No one is a failure who is enjoying life
%%
No one is afraid to die without first being afraid to live.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
No one is as tired as the person who does nothing.
%%
No one is born knowing all about this stuff...
%%
No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
No one is ever caught in places that person did not visit.
%%
No one is ever old enough to know better.
 -- Holbrook Jackson
%%
No one is fit to be trusted with power. ... No one. ... Any man who
has lived at all knows the follies and wickedness he's capable of. ...
And if he does know it, he knows also that neither he nor any man
ought to be allowed to decide a single human fate.
 -- C. P. Snow, The Light and the Dark
%%
No one is interested in my underpants.
%%
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
%%
No one is more carnal than a recent virgin.
 -- John Steinbeck
%%
No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.
%%
No one is quite so rich that they can do without anyone else.
%%
No one is so accursed by fate,
No one so utterly desolate,
  But some heart, though unknown,
  Responds unto his own.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Endymion
%%
No one is too great to be courteous, but some are not so great and lack it.
%%
No one is unemployed who minds his own business.
%%
No one is useless in this world
who lightens the burdens of another.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
No one knows his own servants as badly as the master.
%%
No one knows how he'll act under pressure.
 -- Sulu, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield," stardate 5730.2.
%%
No one knows like a woman how to say things that are at once gentle and deep.
 -- Hugo
%%
No one knows the Tribble I've seen..
%%
No one knows what he can do till he tries.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 786
%%
No one looks good in yellow.
%%
No one loves the man whom he fears.
 -- Aristotle
%%
No one man can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his accomplices.
%%
No one may kill a man.  Not for any purpose.  It cannot be condoned.
 -- Kirk, "Spock's Brain," stardate 5431.6.
%%
No one minds what Jeffrey says:... it is not more than a week ago
that I heard him speak disrespectfully of the equator.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 17
%%
No one move a muscle as the dead come home.
 -- Shriekback "Nemesis"
%%
No one needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.
%%
No one need think that the world can be ruled without blood.  The civil
sword shall and must be red and bloody.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
No one on his deathbed ever said, I wish I had spent more time on my business.
 -- Paul E. Tsongas, quoting a letter from a friend.
%%
No one panic until it's necessary.
%%
No one participates in the march of time without getting a few pebbles in
 their shoe along the line of march.
%%
No one perfectly loves God who does not perfectly love some of his
creatures.
 -- Marguerite de Valois
%%
No one really knows enough to be a pessimist.
%%
No one really knows the detailed workings of everything around them.
 -- Redford
%%
No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
 -- Quintus Ennius
%%
No one remembers learning how to use a spoon, it is something that
is learned and not taught.
%%
No one returns with good-will to the place which has done him a mischief.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book i, Fable 18, 1
%%
No one's getting fat except Mama Cass.
%%
No one should be judge in his own cause.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 545
%%
No one should be surprised that Black's Law Dictionary doesn't
list Mea Culpa.

...
%%
No one should hide their true self behind a false face.
 -- L. Chaney
%%
No one so thoroughly appreciates the value of constructive
criticism as the one who's giving it.
 -- Hal Chadwick
%%
No one takes you seriously?  That's ridiculous!
%%
No one talks peace unless he's ready to back it up with war.
He talks of peace if it is the only way to live.
 -- Colonel Green and Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.5.
%%
No one test the depth of a river with both feet.
%%
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
%%
No one understands everything, and no one needs to.
 -- J. Redford
%%
No one wants advice--only corroboration.
 -- John Steinbeck
%%
No one wants war.
%%
No one wants war.
 -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3201.7.
%%
No one who accepts the sovereignty of truth can be a foot soldier in a party
 or movement.   He will always find himself out of step.
 -- Sidney Hook
%%
No one who has read official documents needs to be told how easy it is
to conceal the essential truth under the apparently candid and
all-disclosing phrases of a voluminous and particularizing report....
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing
with the enemy.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed.
 -- Sara Teasdale
%%
No one would be foolish enough to choose war over peace--in peace
sons bury their fathers, but in war fathers bury their sons.
 -- Croesus of Lydia
%%
No one would talk much in society, if he knew how often he misunderstands
others.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
No one you ask to help find a mistake will see it.
 -- Finagle's Third Law, Corollary 1
%%
:no-op: /noh'op/ alt. NOP /nop/ [no operation] n. 1. (also v.)
   A machine instruction that does nothing (sometimes used in
   assembler-level programming as filler for data or patch areas, or
   to overwrite code to be removed in binaries).  See also {JFCL}.
   2. A person who contributes nothing to a project, or has nothing
   going on upstairs, or both.  As in "He's a no-op."  3. Any
   operation or sequence of operations with no effect, such as
   circling the block without finding a parking space, or putting
   money into a vending machine and having it fall immediately into
   the coin-return box, or asking someone for help and being told to
   go away.  "Oh, well, that was a no-op."  Hot-and-sour soup (see
   {great-wall}) that is insufficiently either is `no-op soup';
   so is wonton soup if everybody else is having hot-and-sour.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
No opportunity is lost; someone else takes it.
%%
No other terms than unconditional and immediate surrender. I propose
to move immediately upon your works.
 -- Ulysses S. Grant (1822-1885)
 -- To Gen, S. B. Buckner, Fort Donelson, Feb. 16, 1862
%%
No page in history, baby--that I don't need. I just want to make some
    eardrums bleed.
 -- David St. Hubbins
%%
No pain here, no dull empty hours, no fear of the past, no fear of the future.
Drinking this champagne water is pure pleasure, so is breathing the living air.
 -- John Muir
%%
No pain, no gain.
%%
No part of this fortune may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, ...
%%
No part of this message may reproduce, store itself in a retrieval
system, or transmit disease, in any form, without the permissiveness of
the author.
 -- Chris Shaw
%%
No path of flowers leads to glory.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Use of Knowledge, Book x, Fable 14
%%
Nope, I'm not kidding.
%%
No pent-up Utica contracts your powers,
But the whole boundless continent is yours.
 -- Jonathan M. Sewall (1748-1808)
 -- Epilogue to Cato
%%
 No people can be bound to acknowledge and adore the invisible hand
 which conducts the affairs of men more than the people of the United
 States.   Every step by which they have advanced to the character of an
 independent nation seems to have been distinguished by some token of
 providential agency....  We ought to be no less persuaded that the
 propitious smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that
 disregards the eternal rules of order and right, which Heaven itself has
 ordained.
 -- George Washington, in his first Inaugural Address
%%
No people do so much harm as those who go about doing good.
 -- Mandell Creighton (1843-1901)
%%
No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your
right to grow.
 -- Alice Walker
%%
     No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise
       infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand
      Jury... nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be
      twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in
      any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived
      of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor
      shall private property be taken for public use, without just
      compensation.
 -- The Constitution of the United States of America
%%
"No person shall be permitted under any pretext whatever,
to come nearer than fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room,
from the opening of the polls until the completion of the count and
the certification of the returns."
 -- According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest
%%
No person should govern another without their permission.
%%
No person was ever honored for what he received.  Honor has been the
reward for what he gave.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
No person who is enthusiastic about his work has anything to fear from life.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
No plain not followed by a slope.
No going not followed by a return.
He who remains persevering in danger
Is without blame.
Do not complain about this truth;
Enjoy the good fortune you still possess.
%%
No plan survives contact with the enemy.
 -- Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke
%%
No plan survives the first contact intact.
%%
No pleasure endures unseasoned by variety.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 406
%%
No pleasure is comparable to the standing upon the vantage-ground of truth.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Truth
%%
NOP: Needlessly Omit Pointer
%%
No poems can please nor live long which are written by water-drinkers.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
No policy intervention in social problems produces the intended effect- if
the research is carried out by independent third parties, especially
those skeptical of the policy.
 -- James Q. Wilson
%%
No power in the universe can hope to stop the force of evolution. Be
  warned. The execution of Mr. Ramsey and his followers may elevate them
  to the status of martyrs. Martyrs cannot be silenced.
 -- Riker, "Angel One", stardate 41636.9
%%
NOP: Randomize the PSW and then branch
%%
No.
 -- President Jimmy Carter's daughter Amy, when asked by a
                 reporter if she had any message for the children of America
%%
No pressure, no diamonds.
 -- Mary Case
%%
No prizes for predicting rain.  Prizes only awarded for building arks.
%%
No problem.
 -- Alf
%%
No problem is fixed until it has been discovered.
%%
No problem is insoluble.
 -- Dr. Janet Wallace, "The Deadly Years," stardate 3479.4.
%%
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
%%
No problem is so big or so complicated that it can't be run away from.
 -- Charles Schulz (Linus in "Peanuts")
%%
No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.
 -- Charles Schulz
%%
No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
%%
No problem is too small to be blown out of proportions.
%%
No profit grows where is no pleasure ta'en;
In brief, sir, study what you most affect.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
%%
No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
%%
No program works the first time you run it.
%%
No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied
 occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an
 indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining
 occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as
 an indication-applied occurrence.
 -- ALGOL 68 Report
%%
No public man can be just a little crooked.
 -- Herbert Hoover
%%
No purchase necessary...
 All rights reserved...
 Batteries not included...
 Void where prohibited by law...
 Parental guidance is suggested...
 Parental Advisory, Explicit lyrics...
 Thpppt...
 Ack...Ack...Ack
%%
No Purchase Required.  Details Inside Package.
%%
No, Q, I meant a BUD light!
%%
///   ____   \\\     No, Q scores ten you see, and it's on a triple *--*--**-
| |/ /    \ \| |     word score, so... look, I've explained the     *--*-*--*
\\_|\____/|_//      rules to you... no, no, look please, put down  ****----*
    \_)\\/  DON'T   that jawbone... All right, we'll start again.  ---*---*-
      `-'   PANiC   And try to concentrate this time.              ---*--*--
%%
No quarter asked--no change given
%%
No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is
obvious.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
No race can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in
tilling a field as in writing a poem.
 -- Booker T. Washington
%%
NORAD: Home of the WOPPER.
%%
No radio.  Already stolen.
%%
No raindrop considers itself responsible for the flood.
%%
No rain -- no rainbows.
%%
Nor can his blessed soul look down from heaven,
Or break the eternal sabbath of his rest.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Spanish Friar, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Nor can one word be chang'd but for a worse.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book viii, Line 192
%%
Nordic Groundskeepers: Leif Raker
%%
Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand, thus, but use all
gently; for in the very torrent, tempest, and, as I may say, the whirlwind
of passion, you must acquire and beget a temperance that may give
it smoothness. Oh, it offends me to the soul to hear a robustious
periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, to split
the ears of the groundlings, who for the most part are capable of
nothing but inexplicable dumb-shows and noise. I would have such a
fellow whipped for o'erdoing Termagant; it out-herods Herod.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Nor e'er was to the bowers of bliss conveyed
A fairer spirit or more welcome shade.
 -- Thomas Tickell (1686-1740)
 -- On the Death of Mr. Addison, Line 45
%%
No region can include itself as well
 -- Whitehead
%%
No relationship with what is harmful;
There is no blame in this.
If one remains conscious of difficulty,
One remains without blame.
%%
No religion can long continue to maintain its purity when the church
becomes the subservient vassal of the state.
 -- Felix Adler
%%
No Resources...
Use the Force. - Obi-Wan Kenobi
 -- ...understanding How To Combine Budget Cuts, Extra Projects, And
%%
"No reward is worth this." -Han Solo
 -- ...understanding Work Satisfaction...
%%
Nor Fame I slight, nor for her favours call;
She comes unlooked for if she comes at all.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Temple of Fame, Line 513
%%
Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for... the destruction
that wasteth at noonday.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xci, 6
%%
Nor grandeur hear with a disdainful smile
  The short and simple annals of the poor.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 8
%%
    Nor is it very difficult to understand why a Canadian
passport should be so popular.  Part of the explanation is
that with it one can travel easily almost anywhere.  Another
reason for the popularity of the little blue booklet stamped
in gold is that one can speak English or French or Ukranian or
Polish or Chinese and still be a Canadian.  One can, in fact,
be almost anyone and still be a Canadian; and to be a Canadian
is to have a passport to the whole world.
 -- Douglas Lepan
%%
Nor jealousy
Was understood, the injur'd lover's hell.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 449
%%
Nor love thy life, nor hate; but what thou liv'st
Live well: how long or short permit to heaven.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 553
%%
Normalcy is a character assassination.
%%
Normal hamsters ar cute, but Giant Space Hamsters are cuter.
%%
Normal is boring.
 -- Fido Dido
%%
Normal is just a vicious standard society has set to inhibit the
creativity of ones self.
 -- Holzinger
%%
Normal is the absence of any psychoses.
%%
[Normal jeans]  These are your pants.
[Bell bottoms]  These are your pants on drugs. Now don't do them.
 -- Denis Leary
%%
Normally our rules are rigid; we tend to discretion, if for no other
reason than self-protection.  We never recommend any of our graduates,
although we cheerfully provide information as to those who have failed
their courses.
 -- Jack Vance, "Freitzke's Turn"
%%
Normally someone of your limited physical appearance makes up for it
with some sort of a personality.
%%
Normal people with real lives - on the next Geraldo!
%%
NORMAL? That the setting I use on my washing machine...
%%
Normal times may possibly be over forever.
%%
Norman, put the knife down, Norman...Norman?...NORMAN!
%%
Norma wants me to help her have a baby.
 -- Sam Beckett.
%%
No rock so hard but that a little wave
May beat admission in a thousand years.
 -- Tennyson
%%
Nor peace nor ease the heart can know
  Which, like the needle true,
Turns at the touch of joy or woe,
  But turning, trembles too.
 -- Mrs. Greville (c. 1793)
 -- A Prayer for Indifference
%%
Nor rough, nor barren, are the winding ways
Of hoar antiquity, but strewn with flowers.
 -- Thomas Warton (1728-1790)
 -- Written on a Blank Leaf of Dugdale's Monasticon
%%
Nor rural sights alone, but rural sounds,
Exhilarate the spirit, and restore
The tone of languid nature.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book i, The Sofa, Line 181
%%
Nor sink those stars in empty night:
They hide themselves in heaven's own light.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- Friends
%%
North Carolina Beach Bum here!!!
%%
North Dakota law makes it illegal for anyone to go to bed wearing
shoes or boots.
%%
Northern Exposure: Watch out for the frostbite!
%%
NORTHERN INSIGHTS: all our Insights are NORTHERN!
%%
Northern Ireland has a problem for every solution.
%%
Nor time nor place
Did then adhere.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 7
%%
No rule is so general, which admits not some exception.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 3
%%
Norwegian Blues stun easily, guv'nor.
%%
No Sane man will dance.
 -- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
No scandal about Queen Elizabeth, I hope?
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power.
 -- Jacob Bronowski, in "Encounter", 1971
%%
No sciences are better tested than the religion of the Bible.
 -- Sir Isaac Newton
%%
No, Scotty.I said "Beam me ABOARD". Not "A BROAD"
%%
No season now for calm familiar talk.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 169
%%
No self-made man ever did such a good job
that some woman didn't want to make some alterations.
 -- Kim Hubbard
%%
No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of
paper.
 -- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
              taken over by Rupert Murdoch
%%
No sense being pessimistic, it wouldn't work anyway.
%%
No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account
not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be. . ..
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
No sentence fragments.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
Complete sentences: important.
 -- Corollary
%%
No sentence fragments.
 -- Writing Rule 42
%%
NOSE, n.  The extreme outpost of the face.  From the circumstance that
great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the
age of humor, calls the nose the organ of quell.  It has been observed
that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of
others, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that
the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

        There's a man with a Nose,
        And wherever he goes
    The people run from him and shout:
        "No cotton have we
        For our ears if so be
    He blow that interminous snout!"

        So the lawyers applied
        For injunction.  "Denied,"
    Said the Judge:  "the defendant prefixion,
        Whate'er it portend,
        Appears to transcend
    The bounds of this court's jurisdiction."
                                                         Arpad Singiny
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
NOSE
  Outlet located in the middle of the face. Used for smelling,
  breathing, and the output of extraneous waste. Beats me why snot
  couldn't have exited through the arse like most of the other waste
  coming out of the body. Perhaps it was more economically viable to
  have a secondary solids outlet. Actually it's just as well that
  people don't send their other waste through the nose. Then we'd
  need flushing handkerchiefs. And farts would be much more
  noticeable.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Nose / the wax out of her ears.
%%
No sex is better than bad sex.
%%
Nosey Neighbor News Network - 'Cause it's no fun to mind your own
business.
%%
No Shell escape from "games".
%%
No. She Sister, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw.
%%
No .sig is a good .sig
%%
No Silicon Heaven? Then where do all the calculators go?
%%
No, sir. All our "David Copperfield"s have two P's.
%%
No sir, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
%%
No skis take rocks like rental skis!
%%
No slave is ever freed, save he freeth himself.
%%
No slogans, simple taglines.... PLANET BLUEWAVE
%%
No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose
to keep awake all day.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
No smoke or sparks... hmm... Must be a software problem.
%%
No smoking--Oxygen in use
%%
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
%%
No solemn sanctimonious face I pull,
  Nor think I 'm pious when I 'm only bilious;
  Nor study in my sanctum supercilious,
To frame a Sabbath Bill or forge a Bull.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Ode to Rae Wilson
%%
No, some men just don't like to be taken for a ride.
 -- James Bond
%%
No?! Some people collect mail packets? Really!!
%%
   No, son, you lose.  'Cause this is a Smith & Wesson I'm holdin'
here, an' a Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
 -- Canada Bill Jones
%%
No sooner is a temple built to God, but the Devil builds a chapel hard by.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
No sooner met but they looked; no sooner looked but they loved; no
sooner loved but they sighed; no sooner sighed but they asked one
another the reason; no sooner knew the reason but they sought the
remedy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
No sooner said than done -- so acts your man of worth.
 -- Quintus Ennius
%%
No special reason, just government policy.
%%
No sport requires more strategy than the mile run.
%%
Nostalgia is a longing for something you couldn't stand anymore.
 -- Fibber McGee (Jim Jordan)
%%
Nostalgia is a seductive liar.
 -- George Ball
%%
Nostalgia is colored by what you remember, and as well, what you forget.
%%
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 -- Peter de Vries
%%
Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory
%%
Nostalgia: When you find the present tense and past perfect.
 -- The Lion
%%
No state has an inherent right to survive through conscript troops
and, in the long run, no state ever has. Roman matrons used to say
to their sons: "Come back with your shield, or on it". Later on this
custom declined. So did Rome.
 -- Henry Adams
%%
No statesman e'er will find it worth his pains
To tax our labours and excise our brains.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764), Night, Line 271
%%
No state sorrier than that of the man who keeps up a continual round,
and pries into "the secrets of the nether world," as saith the poet,
and is curious in conjecture of what is in his neighbour's heart.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 13
%%
Nostradamus Predicts: Where Geraldo will next spend two hours on national
 TV doing something completely worthless.
%%
Nostridamus: nose itch when your hands are unable to scratch it.
%%
No Strippa Da Tagline !!<Just can't resist GRIN<
%%
No such thing as MEN, Only BOYS with COMPUTERS.
%%
No sun, no moon, no morn, no noon,
No dawn, no dusk, no proper time of day,
     .     .     .     .     .     .
No road, no street, no t' other side the way,
     .     .     .     .     .     .
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no buds.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- November
%%
Nosy bugger, ain't I?
%%
No synonym for God is so perfect as Beauty. Whether as seen carving the
lines of the mountains with glaciers, or gathering matter into stars, or
planning the movements of water, or gardening - still all is Beauty!
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
No system is ever completely debugged. Attempts
  to debug a system inevitably introduce new bugs that are even harder to
  find.
 -- Laws of Project Management #6
%%
Not a Computer Nerd, merely a techno-weenie
%%
Not a day passes over this earth, but men and women of no note do great
deeds, speak great words and suffer noble sorrows.
 -- Charles Reed
%%
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Not a drum was heard, not a funeral note,
  As his corse to the rampart we hurried.
 -- Charles Wolfe (1791-1823)
 -- The Burial of Sir John Moore
%%
No Tagline available at this time.
%%
No tagline - come back next message.
%%
No taglines allowed.
%%
No taglines were harmed during the writing of this message.
%%
No tagline today.
%%
Not a Guitar!: Amanda Lin
%%
Not all breeders are homophobes!
%%
Not all Christians are bigoted fascists.
%%
Not all dough needs to rise to the occasion...
%%
Not all men are fools.
 Some are bachelors.
%%
Not all men who drink are poets.
Some of us drink because we aren't poets.
%%
Not all our artists are playing a joke on the public.
Some are genuinely mad.
 -- Brilliant's Observation on Modern Art
%%
Not all poems are written with a pen.
%%
Not all politicians should be shot.  One should be saved for the archives.
%%
Not all rumors are as misleading as this one.
%%
Not all subsidized science is necessarily bad, but all
bad science is subsidized, how else could it survive.
 -- Petr Beckmann
%%
Not all the conservative are stupid, but all the stupid are conservative.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Not all the water in the rough rude sea
Can wash the balm off from an anointed king.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Not all those who wonder are lost.
%%
Not all who own a harp are harpers.
 -- Marcus Terentius Varro
%%
Not all women are fools - some don't associate with Bob.
%%
Not all women give most of their waking thoughts to the
problem of pleasing men. Some are married.
 -- Emma Lee
%%
Not always actions show the man; we find
Who does a kindness is not therefore kind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 109
%%
Not a moment too soon Jean...I mean Captain.
 -- Dr. Crusher, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
"Not a morning person" doesn't even begin to cover it.
%%
NOT an A.S.P. Sanctioned or approved BBS
%%
Not another NAK NAK joke, Please!
%%
Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute.
%%
Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
%%
Not a woman here could vote no matter what age!
%%
No taxation with out representation (void in NY)!
%%
Not because Socrates said so,... I look upon all men as my compatriots.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
  "Not being in the Rumbelows Cup for those teams won't mean a row  of
  beans, 'cos that's only small potatoes."
 -- Ian St John, ITV
%%
Not body enough to cover his mind decently with; his intellect is
improperly exposed.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 258
%%
Not Bogged Down In Reality: Jason Rainbows
%%
Not breaking the rules, just testing the tensil strength.
%%
Not by years but by disposition is wisdom acquired.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Trinummus, Act ii, Sc. 2, 88, (367.)
%%
Not chaos-like together crush'd and bruis'd,
But as the world, harmoniously confus'd,
Where order in variety we see,
And where, though all things differ, all agree.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Windsor Forest, Line 13
%%
Not die here in a rage, like a poisoned rat in a hole.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Letter to Bolingbroke, March 21, 1729
%%
Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us.
%%
Not doing more than the average is what keeps the average down.
 -- William Winans
%%
Note and initial:    Let's spread the responsibility of this.
 -- Kelvin Throop III, The Management Dictionary
%%
No tears are shed when an enemy dies.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 376
%%
No tears
Dim the sweet look that Nature wears.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Sunrise on the Hills
%%
Not eating meat is a decision,
but eating meat is an instinct!
 -- Denis Leary
%%
Note: Chocolate syrup is good on ice cream, too.
%%
NOTE FROM MANAGEMENT:
To avoid damaging the connectors, please disconnect terminal before throwing
it out of the window.
%%
Not enough brains cells for the Prozac to be effective.
%%
Not enough brains to get anywhere *near* the gutter.
%%
Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen.
%%
Not enough is being done for the apathetic.
%%
Not enough mail??? Here, let me help.
%%
Not enough memory to run.
%%
Not enough sense to come in out of the rain.
%%
Not enough sense to stay out in the rain (like a 60's flower child).
%%
Not entirely stable?  I'm glad you're here to tell us these things!  Chewie,
take the professor in the back and plug him into the hyperdrive!
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of
wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded
to see that their leader is part swan and part woman -- unfortunately,
divided lengthwise.  She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to
make any poultry jokes ...
 -- Woody Allen
%%
"Note the many tobacco stains on the floor.
Anyone can spit on the floor, even an idiot.
Try your luck at spitting on the ceiling!
Do not spit on the floor, unless you agree with line three.
If you try line four, we will think a lot more of thee."
 -- Sign in a very old hotel with high ceilings in the rooms
%%
NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a
 "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power
 Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
%%
Note:  the words "he," "him," "his," and "men," when used
in this publication represent both the masculine and feminine
genders, unless otherwise specifically stated.
 -- U.S. Army Field manual for MOS 54E, NBC Specialist, 25-Sep-1981
%%
Note to myself: never make a deal with your parents without a lawyer.
 -- Marshall, "Who's Who", Eerie Indiana
%%
Not even computers will replace committees,
because committees buy computers.
 -- Edward Shepherd Mead
%%
Not even with BOTH hands AND a flashlight!
%%
Not Everybody Can Live Upstream ...
%%
Not everybody does it, but every body should!
%%
Not every cloud engenders a storm.
%%
Not everyone can carry the weight of the world.
%%
Not every question deserves
 an answer, although some fools try!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Not every soil can bear all things.
 -- Virgil (19 BC)
%%
Not everything in life is funny.
 -- R. L. Asprin
%%
Not everything is unsayable in words, only the living truth.
 -- Ionesco
%%
Not everything more difficult is more meritorious.
%%
Not everything that counts can be counted; and not everything
that can be counted counts.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.
%%
Note:  Virus in message has been passed to your system.
%%
Not exalting the gifted prevents quarreling.
%%
Not failure, but low aim, is crime.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
%%
Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the
Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care: no spats
in their vats, no rules, no schools, no gloom, no evil influence of the
moon, no trouble from matter or antimatter -- for they had a machine,
a dream of a machine, with springs and gears and perfect in every
respect.  And they lived with it, and on it, and under it, and inside
it, for it was all they had -- first they saved up all their atoms,
then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they
chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine ...
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders.
%%
$$$ not found --  (A)bort, (R)efinance, (D)eclare bankruptcy
%%
NOT from RD but from alt.tv.red-dwarf:
'(Is it just me, or does everyone whistle the theme song when reading this
newsgroup?)'
%%
Not gluttony as much as thrill-seeking.
%%
Not going out of the door and the courtyard
Is without blame.
%%
Not going out of the gate and the courtyard
Brings misfortune.
%%
Not greedy of filthy lucre.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Timothy iii, 3
%%
No Thanks, I Don't Breed Well In Captivity.
%%
No thanks... I don't do Windows.
%%
No thanks, I'm a Government man...
%%
No, thank you. My ears are too sweet now.
%%
Not hard-docked.
%%
Not hate, but glory, made these chiefs contend;
And each brave foe was in his soul a friend.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vii, Line 364
%%
No!  That's just what they'll be expecting us to do!
 -- Airplane!
%%
Not heaven itself upon the past has power;
But what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Imitation of Horace, Book iii, Ode 29, Line 71
%%
No, the heart that has truly lov'd never forgets,
  But as truly loves on to the close;
As the sunflower turns on her god when he sets
  The same look which she turn'd when he rose.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Believe me, if all those endearing young Charms
%%
Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much.
 -- Erich Fromm (1900-1980)
%%
Nothin' a cold beer and a big hamburger wouldn't solve!
%%
Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.
%%
NOTHING:
A man with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.
%%
nothing -- and then marry him.
 -- Cher
%%
Nothing anybody tells you about marriage helps.
%%
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Essays"
%%
Nothing average ever stood as a monument to progress.  When progress
is looking for a partner it doesn't turn to those who believe they
are only average.  It turns instead to those who are forever searching
and striving to become the best they possibly can.  If we seek the
average level we cannot hope to achieve a high level of success.
Our only hope is to avoid being a failure.
 -- A. Lou Vickery
%%
Nothing beats a hockey game!
%%
Nothing beats The Montreal Canadiens!
%%
Nothing befalls a man except what is in his nature to endure.
 -- Marcus Aurelius
%%
Nothing behind you matters
%%
Nothing between the stethoscopes.
%%
Nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure; nothing more bondage than
 too much liberty, (or libertinism).
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Nothing can be both completely general
and internally consistent at the same time.
 -- Sweer`s Impossibility Theorem
%%
Nothing can be created from nothing.
 Lucretius (55 BC)
%%
Nothing can be done at once hastily and prudently.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 557
%%
Nothing can be done in one trip.
 -- Snider's Law
%%
Nothing can be produced out of nothing.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes of Apollonia, ii
%%
Nothing can be rushed. Things must grow, they must grow upward ...
 -- Paul Klee
%%
Nothing can be said so correctly that it cannot be twisted.
 -- Spinoza
%%
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
 -- Emerson
%%
Nothing can come out of nothing, any more than a thing can go back to nothing.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 4
%%
Nothing can cover his high fame but heaven;
No pyramids set off his memories,
But the eternal substance of his greatness,--
To which I leave him.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The False One, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Nothing can excel a few days in jail for giving a young man or woman a quick
education in the basis of industrial society.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Nothing can go wrong now, go wrong, gow rong, grong!
%%
Nothing can help this story. . .
%%
Nothing can keep an argument going like two persons who aren't sure
what they're arguing about.
 -- O.A. Battista
%%
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Nothing can occur beyond the strength of faith to sustain, or,
transcending the resources of religion, to relieve.
 -- Binney
%%
Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a
winning candidate.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Nothing can stop him.   Not even common sense.
 -- Mark Komarinski
%%
Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving
his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental
attitude.
 -- W. W. Zeige
%%
Nothing can take the place of practical experience out in the world.
%%
Nothing causes a prince to be so much esteemed as great enterprises and
giving proof of prowess.  It keeps the people's minds uncertain and
astonished and it keeps them occupied in watching the result.
%%
Nothing comes amiss; so money comes withal.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Nothing complicated ever works.
%%
Nothing confuses a man like a woman driver who does everything right.
%%
Nothing contributes so much to tranquilizing the mind as a steady
purpose -- a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.
 -- Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
%%
Nothing could be more reckless than to base one's moral philosophy on the
latest pronouncements of science.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Nothing could be older than the daily news, nothing deader than yesterday's
newspaper.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Nothing cures a case of nerves like a case of beer!
%%
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
%%
Nothing deflates so fast as a punctured reputation.
%%
Nothing emboldens sin so much as mercy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
Nothing endures but change.
 -- Heraclitus (540?-480? B.C.)
%%
Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced - even a proverb is no proverb
to you till your life has illustrated it.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821), Correspondence, 1819
%%
Nothing ever comes out as planned.
 -- Seay's Law
%%
Nothing ever gets build on schedule or within budget.
 -- Cheop's Law
%%
Nothing ever goes away.
 -- Barry Commoner
%%
Nothing ever goes away.
 -- Commoner's Second Law of Ecology
%%
Nothing ever happens.
%%
Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won.
 -- Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington (1769-1852)
 -- Despatch, 1815
%%
Nothing fails like success.
 -- Gerald Nachman
%%
Nothing flatters a man as much as the happiness of his wife; he is always
proud of himself as the source of it.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Nothing for preserving the body like having no heart.
 -- John Petit-Senn
%%
Nothing gains converts like a convenient religion.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
 Nothing gives a used car more miles per gallon than a salesman.
 -- Boswell's Rule
%%
Nothing gives people the feeling that this is the worst of all possible
worlds like discovering that the price of a wool crepe suit has risen to
$600.
 -- Nathan Cobb
%%
Nothing gives so much direction to a person's
life as a sound set of principles.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Nothing good has ever been reported about the full rotation of
a race car about either its pitch or roll axis.
 -- Carroll Smith
%%
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Circles"
%%
Nothing happens, nobody comes, nobody goes.
%%
Nothing happens to anybody which he is not fitted by nature to bear.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, v, 18
%%
Nothing happens to you that hasn't happened to someone else.
%%
Nothing happens unless first a dream.
 -- Carl Sandburg
%%
Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.
 -- Virginia Woolf
%%
Nothing has such power to broaden the mind as the ability to investigate
systematically and truly all that comes under thy observation in life.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 11
%%
Nothing helps scenery like ham and eggs.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Nothing, I am sure, calls forth the faculties
as the being obliged to struggle with the world.
 -- Mary Wollstonecraft
%%
Nothing improves an innovation like lack of controls.
 -- Muench's Law
%%
Nothing improves somebody's jokes like being the boss.
%%
Nothing improves with age.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
%%
Nothing, indeed, but the possession of some power can with any certainty
discover what at the bottom is the true character of any man.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it
accumulates in the form of inert facts.
 -- Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918)
%%
Nothing in his life
Became him like the leaving it; he died
As one that had been studied in his death
To throw away the dearest thing he owed,
As 't were a careless trifle.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Nothing in life is "fun for the whole family."
 -- Jerry Seinfeld
%%
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the
time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
 -- Marie Curie
%%
Nothing in, nothing out / rusted shut.
%%
Nothing in progression can rest on its original plan.  We may as well think of
rocking a grown man in the cradle of an infant.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
    Nothing in the entire universe ever perishes, believe me,
but things vary, and adopt a new form.  The phrase "being
born" is used for beginning to be something different from
what one was before, while "dying" means ceasing to be the
same.  Though this thing may pass into that, and that into
this, yet the sums of things remains unchanged.
 -- Ovid
 -- Metamorphoses
%%
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
 -- Slick's Law of the Universe
%%
Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
%%
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.  Talent will
not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
 Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.  Education
will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.  Persistence and
determination alone are omnipotent.  The slogan "press on" has solved
and always will solve the problems of the human race.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
Nothing irritates women more than a happy bachelor!
%%
Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.
%%
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  1
%%
 Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
 -- Tussman's Law
%%
Nothing is as permanent as that which is called temporary.
%%
Nothing is as simple as it seems at first
Or as hopeless as it seems in the middle
Or as finished as it seems in the end.
%%
Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent.
%%
 Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.
 -- Rodin
%%
Nothing is beautiful unless it is large. Vastness and immensity can make
you forget a great many weaknesses.
 -- Emperor Napoleon I, predicting the development of X-window in 1813
%%
Nothing is better for the spirit or body than a love affair.  It elevates
 thoughts and flattens stomachs.
%%
Nothing is better than Sex.
 Masturbation is better than nothing.
 Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
%%
Nothing is built on stone; all is built on sand,
but we must build as if the sand were stone.
 -- Jorge Luis Borges, 1972
%%
Nothing is but what is not.
%%
Nothing is
But what is not.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Nothing is cheap which is superfluous, for what one does not need, is
dear for a penny.
 -- Plutarch
%%
Nothing is done until nothing is done.
%%
Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also
believes to be true.
 -- Demosthenes
%%
Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more
difficult than to understand him.
 -- Fyodor Dostoyevski (1821-1881)
%%
Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.
 -- Epicurus
%%
Nothing is ever 100%
%%
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
 -- Bucy's Law
%%
Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can
always serve as a bad example.
 -- Carlson's Consolation
%%
Nothing is ever constant, unless it is dead.
%%
Nothing is ever done beautifully which is done in rivalship,
nor nobly which is done in pride.
 -- Rushkin
%%
Nothing is ever done for the right reasons.
 -- O'Brien's Law
%%
Nothing is ever done in this world until men are prepared to kill one another
if it is not done.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Major Barbara"
%%
Nothing is ever lost by courtesy.  It is the cheapest of the pleasures;
costs nothing and conveys much.  It pleases him who gives and him who
receives, and thus, like mercy, it is twice blessed.
 -- Erastus Wiman
%%
Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost.
No birth, identity, form--no object of the world.
Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing;
%%
Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach.
 -- Murray's Rule of Football
%%
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
 -- Gattuso's Extension of Murphy's Law
%%
Nothing is faster than the speed of light.
%%
Nothing is faster than the speed of light ... To prove this to yourself, try
opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
%%
Nothing is finer for the purpose of great productions than a very gradual
ripening of the intellectual powers.
 -- Keats
%%
Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
%%
Nothing is given so profusely as advice.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 110
%%
Nothing is good in moderation. You cannot know good in anything until you
 have torn the heart out of it by excess.
 -- Oscar Wilde (to Andre Gide)
%%
Nothing is hard work if you have the ability to get others to do it for you.
%%
Nothing is here for tears, nothing to wail
Or knock the breast, no weakness, no contempt,
Dispraise, or blame,--nothing but well and fair,
And what may quiet us in a death so noble.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 1721
%%
Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
 -- Andrew Young
%%
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
%%
Nothing is impossible. Anything can be accomplished with proper preparation and
planning.
 -- Ponce de Leon
%%
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
 -- Weiler's Law
%%
Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
 -- Blutarsky's Axiom
%%
Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.
 -- Jonathan Winters in "The Twilight Zone"
%%
Nothing is impossible to a willing hart.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
Nothing is inevitable -- not even revolution.
 -- Gilbert Seldes (1893-?)
%%
Nothing is intuitive, in its fullest form.
%%
Nothing is less likely to appeal to young women than the opinions of old
men on the pill.
%%
Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which
 millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
 -- Nero Wolfe
%%
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions
 at all.
 -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
%%
Nothing is more damaging to a new truth than an old error.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
Nothing is more dangerous than an idea...if it's the only one you've got.
%%
Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be
able to decide.
 -- Napoleon I (1769-1821)
%%
Nothing is more fairly distributed than common sense:  no one thinks he
needs more of it than he already has.
 -- Descartes, 1637
%%
Nothing is more gratifying to the mind of man than power or dominion.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
Nothing is more quiet than the sound of hair going grey.
%%
Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight.
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
Nothing is new; we walk where others went; There's no vice now but
has its precedent.
 -- Herrick
%%
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.
 -- Ray Kroc
%%
    Nothing is quite so unexpected as the truth. If, for example, you find
your spells inadequate to defeat the local dragon, immediately go to your
employers and apologize profusely. They should be so taken aback by your show
of humility that you will have plenty of time to hastily vacate the area,
allowing the dragon to eat your employers rather than you, and thus halt any
ugly rumors they might have spread about your competence.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXXIII
%%
Nothing is really so satisfying as telling a hypochondriac how healthy he
looks.
%%
Nothing is really work unless you'd rather be doing something else.
 -- J. M. Barrie
%%
Nothing is rich but the inexhaustible wealth of nature.
She shows us only surfaces, but she is a million fathoms deep.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Nothing is rubbish if you've got an inquiring mind.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
Nothing is secret which shall not be made manifest.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke viii, 17
%%
Nothing is skinnier than nothing.
%%
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Nothing is so bitter that a calm mind cannot find comfort in it.
 -- Seneca
%%
Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm; it is the real allegory of the tale
of Orpheus; it moves stones, it charms brutes. Enthusiasm is the genius
of sincerity, and truth accomplishes no victories without it.
 -- Bulwer
%%
Nothing is so dear and precious as time.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. v
%%
Nothing is so difficult but that it may be found out by seeking.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act iv, Sc. 2, 8, (675.)
%%
Nothing is so easy as to deceive one's self,
for what we wish, that we readily believe.
 -- Demosthenes
%%
Nothing is so firmly believed as what we least know.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. xxxi, Of Divine Ordinances
%%
 Nothing is so frustrating as a bad situation
that is beginning to improve.
 -- Shannon's Observation
%%
Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.
 -- George Eliot
%%
Nothing is so good for improvement in driving as having a police car follow
 you as you drive about the town.
%%
 Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
 -- Pohl's Law
%%
Nothing is so great an instance of ill-manners as flattery.  If you
flatter all the company you please none; if you flatter only one or two,
you affront all the rest.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Nothing is so important that nothing else is important.
%%
Nothing is so often irretrievably missed as a daily opportunity.
 -- Ebner-Eschenbach
%%
Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program.
 -- Milton Friedman
%%
Nothing is so poor and melancholy as art that is interested in itself
and not in it's subject.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
Nothing is so simple that feminizts can't screw it up.
%%
...nothing is so unhealthy or unstable as the reputation for power that
is not based on one's own power.
 -- Machiavelli
%%
Nothing is so useless as a general maxim.
%%
Nothing is so wretched or foolish as to anticipate misfortunes.  What
madness it is to be expecting evil before it comes.
 -- Seneca
%%
Nothing is stronger than custom.
 -- Ovid (43 BC)
 -- The Art of Love, ii, 345
%%
Nothing is there more friendly to a man than a friend in need.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Epidicus, Act iii, Sc. 3, 44, (425.)
%%
Nothing is there to come, and nothing past,
But an eternal now does always last.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Davideis, Book i, Line 25
%%
Nothing is too high for the daring of mortals: we storm heaven itself in
our folly.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Nothing is too wonderful to be true if it be consistent with the laws of
nature.
 -- Michael Faraday
%%
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
 -- Hassan I Sabbah
%%
Nothing is ultimate.
%%
NOTHING is unbreakable... just ask any kid!
%%
Nothing is worth more than this day.
 -- Goethe
%%
Nothing is wrong in Southern California that a rise in the ocean level
wouldn't cure.
 -- Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)
%%
Nothing is your own except the few cubic inches in your head.
%%
Nothing keeps a family together like having one car in the shop.
 -- Gene Brown
%%
Nothing lasts.
%%
Nothing left to comfort me, except a sunny day....
%%
Nothing like having money to burn!
%%
Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away.
Or, nothing looks as good from far away as it does close up.
%%
Nothing.
 -- Louis XVI (entry in his diary for July 14, 1789, the day the
mob stormed the Bastille)
%%
Nothing lovelier can be found in woman, than to study household good,
and good works in her husband to promote.
 -- Milton
%%
Nothing made the horse so fat as the king's eye.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
Nothing makes a man and wife feel closer, these days, than a joint tax return.
%%
Nothing makes a politician forget campaign promises faster than being elected.
%%
Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.
Conscience makes egotists of us all.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Nothing makes sense before noon.
%%
Nothing matters, but everything counts.
%%
Nothing matters but the weekend, from a Tuesday point of view.
%%
Nothing matters to you. Except your holy war.
%%
Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.
 -- Lord Balfour's Contention
%%
Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip.
 -- Charles D. Hartman
%%
Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend.
 -- Charles D. Hartman
%%
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss put in an honest day's work.
%%
Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely
repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the
official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can
be offered to a personality.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
Nothing, not love, not greed, not passion or hatred, is stronger than a
 writer's need to change another writer's copy.
 -- Arthur Evans
%%
Nothing personal, baby...
 -- Uncle Frank.
%%
Nothing positive ever came from a negative thought.
%%
Nothing puzzles me more than time and space,
and yet nothing puzzles me less, for I never think about them.
 -- Charles Lamb
%%
Nothing recedes like success.
 -- Walter Winchell
%%
Nothing risque, nothing gained.
 -- Alexander Woollcott
%%
Nothing says "I love you" better than six hours of nonstop sex.
%%
Nothing's beautiful from every point of view.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Nothing's bulletproof if you've got a big enough bullet!
%%
Nothing screws up a good story like an eyewitness.
%%
Nothing's ever really changed.  What difference does it make whether
it's the Corporate state or the Nation state?  In our struggle for
freedom we still find ourselves fighting the state.
 -- Jay Terpstra
%%
Nothing shocks me.  I'm a scientist.
 -- Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones
%%
Nothing smells better than perfume. Why not use nothing?
%%
Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one
friend that he is superior to the other.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
Nothing so much prevents our being natural as the desire of appearing so.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared
believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.
 -- Bruce Barton
%%
Nothing spoils a confession like repentance.
 -- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
Nothing's so weird that no one's done it.
%%
Nothing subtracts from the natural beauty of a women faster than bubble gum.
%%
Nothing succeeds like address.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Nothing succeeds like failure.
 -- Hollywood's Iron Law
%%
Nothing succeeds like success.
 -- Alexandre Dumas, Pere
%%
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
 -- Christopher Lasch
%%
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
 -- Charles Schulz
 -- Charlie Brown
%%
Nothing that group nudity and a can of Crisco won't cure.
%%
Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
 -- Skinn's Law
What this says about teachers is obvious.
 -- Dan's Corollary
%%
Nothing this evil EVER dies!
%%
Nothing unreal exists.
 -- Kiri-Kin-Tha's Law of Metaphysics
%%
Nothing up my sleeve, PRESTO!
%%
Nothing we can't handle, folks.  We're still
 America... and I'm still President.
 -- Ronnie Regan as Mr. Reassuring in THE DARK KNIGHT FALLS
%%
Nothing will come of nothing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Nothing will cook your goose faster than a hot tongue.
%%
Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
 -- Kim Hubbard
%%
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections
must be first overcome.
 -- Benjamin Swig & Edward J. Daly
%%
Nothing will ever happen to you.
%%
Nothing will surprise us more than to pass through to the other side
of the veil and realize how well we recognize our Father's face.
 -- Ezra Taft Benson
%%
Nothing works...and nobody cares.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Nothing worth a damn is ever done as a matter of principle. If it
is worth doing, it is done because it is worth doing. If it is not,
it's done as a matter of principle.
 -- James T. Evans
%%
Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind ... everything
really valuable has to enter you through a different opening.
 -- Woody Allen, "Manhattan"
%%
Nothing would please the Kremlin more than to have the
people of this country choose a second-rate president.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
Nothing wrong with this country a few plastic explosives can't cure.
%%
Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Nothing you put in a banana split is as fattening as a spoon.
%%
Not hungry, not homeless.  Will work for sex.
%%
Notice all the computations, theoretical scribblings, and lab equipment,
Norm. ... Yes, curiosity killed these cats.
 -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
%%
NOTICEBOARD
  A large board placed somewhere in the office, where administrative-
  type people place important notices that no-one ever reads. Also the
  location of very bad cartoons on the subject of office life, pinned
  up by the office wag. [See wanker.] 97% of office workers ignore
  these, and instead find their entertainment in the Gary Larson
  calendar that at least one person per office has on their desk[*].
  This desk will become a focal point for meeting throughout the
  year, where from will be heard guffaws aplenty[+], except from the
  person who actually sits at that desk, who will wish that everyone
  will piss off so they can do some work.
      [*] Yes, it's me this year.
      [+] Accompanied by cries of "oh isn't he great!" and "how is he
          so imaginative!"
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Notice!! Executive Error,  Starting Sysop Erasure
%%
NOTICE: If you notice this notice, you will notice after noticing
this notice that this notice was not worth noticing.
%%
Notice: The individual who dove in to save the revenue collector from the
 city park pool wishes to remain anonymous. As a matter of fact, so does the
 chap who pushed the collecter into the pond.
%%
Notice they do not so much fly, as plummet.  <*baahhhh....*><*thump*>
%%
Not inflated to 90 PSI.
%%
No, 't is slander,
Whose edge is sharper than the sword, whose tongue
Outvenoms all the worms of Nile, whose breath
Rides on the posting winds, and doth belie
All corners of the world.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Not, I think, today, Commander.
 -- Picard
%%
Not less than two hours a day should be devoted to exercise.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826
%%
Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued.
 -- Socrates
%%
Not light but darkness.
First he climbed up to heaven,
Then he plunged into the depths of the earth.
%%
Not long ago, a teaching hospital installed a computer to interview patients
 visiting its Gynecology department. Apparently several of the programmers
 were not familiar with Medicine. One of the questions it asked was, "Are you
 having your monthly period now?" If the answer was 'yes', the computer would
 send the woman away and make a new appointment -- in four weeks time.
%%
Not long ago, there was a little Cajun boy that brought himself in the
 house. And like all little boys, first thing he did, he yell, "Momma! Ho,
 Momma!" She say, "What it is, you yell like that?" He says, "Poppa done
 hung himself out there in the garage." She said, "What you said?" He said,
 "Poppa done hung himself in the garage, that what I said." She said, "Did
 you cut him down?" He said, "Hell no, he waddn't dead yet."
 -- Justin Wilson
%%
Not lost, but gone before.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Matthew ii
%%
Not lost, but gone before.
 -- Seneca (8 BC)
 -- Epistolae, 63, 16
%%
Not many people realize just how well known I am.
%%
Not marble, nor the gilded monuments
Of princes, shall outlive this powerful rhyme.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lv
%%
Not much is permanently serious.
%%
Not necessarily.  I *could* be arguing in my spare time.
 -- Monty Pithon
%%
Not now honey, I'm screaming at Bob!
%%
Not now, I have a headache!
%%
Not now ... I have to go mow the laundry.
%%
Not Now! I'm watching Star Trek! (The Real Star Trek).
%%
Not now! I'm watching the hockey game!
%%
Not now, Kato.
%%
N.O.T.N.O.W.
 -- National Organization of Terribly Nasty Old Womyn.
%%
Not officially speaking for my company.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Not of the letter, but of the spirit; for the letter killeth, but
the spirit giveth life.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians iii, 6
%%
Not once or twice in our rough-island story
The path of duty was the way to glory.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Ode on the Death of the Duke of Wellington, Stanza 8
%%
Not one hundred percent efficient, of course ... but nothing ever is.
 -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3219.8.
%%
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
%%
Not one penny.
 -- President George Bush, on raising the $4.25-an-hour minimum wage
%%
Not only am I a master of suspense, but...
%%
Not only are people weirder than you think, people are
weirder than you can think
%%
Not only are you anal, but you are anal about things most people have
never even heard of.
 -- Nigel
%%
Not only are you what you think you are, more so; what you think, you are.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Not only around our infancy
Doth heaven with all its splendors lie;
Daily, with souls that cringe and plot,
We Sinais climb and know it not.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Vision of Sir Launfal, Prelude to Part First
%%
Not only does God play dice with the Universe he sometimes casts them
where they can't be seen
 -- Stephen Hawking
 -- Nature 1975, _257_, 362
%%
Not only do you want it to back up automagically,
you want it to beep every 1 second while doing so?
 -- Dan to management at 2:13 AM
%%
Not only hating David, but the king.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 512
%%
Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
 -- Adrienne E. Gusoff
%%
Not only is "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" a wholly remarkable book,
it is also a highly successful one - more popular than the "Celestial Home Care
Omnibus", better selling than "Fifty-three More Things to Do in Zero Gravity",
and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical
blockbusters, "Where God Went Wrong", "Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes"
and "Who Is This God Person Anyway?"
In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the
Galaxy, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" has already supplanted the
great "Encyclopedia Galactica" as the standard repository of all knowledge
and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is
apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more
pedestrian work in two important respects.
First, it is slightly cheaper; and second, it has the words "DON'T PANIC"
inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly
 and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.
 -- Professor W.
%%
Not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but far more difficult,
to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
 -- George Sala
%%
NOTORIETY, n.  The fame of one's competitor for public honors.  The
kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity.  A
Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending
and descending.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
... not picked from the leaves of any author, but bred amongst the weeds
and tares of mine own brain.
 -- Thomas Browne
%%
Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game).
%%
Not poppy, nor mandragora,
Nor all the drowsy syrups of the world,
Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep
Which thou owedst yesterday.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Not quite, HAL. The engineers have figured out a kludge.
%%
Not quite human any longer.
%%
notraP ylloD -- sniw ytivarg ,dne eht nI
%%
Not reading Drive C: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
%%
Not Ready Error reading tagline - Abort, Retry, Fail?
%%
Not Ready Error reading user's mind.
%%
:not ready for prime time: adj. Usable, but only just so; not very
   robust; for internal use only.  Said of a program or device.  Often
   connotes that the thing will be made more solid {Real Soon
   Now}.  This term comes from the ensemble name of the original cast
   of "Saturday Night Live", the "Not Ready for Prime Time
   Players".  It has extra flavor for hackers because of the special
   (though now semi-obsolescent) meaning of {prime time}.  Compare
   {beta}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Not-really-trying is just as much effort as trying-really-hard.
The only difference ... is that not-really-trying receives no reward.
 -- A. N. Wilson, "Incline Our Hearts", 1989
%%
No tree ever hit an automobile except in self-defense.
%%
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential
damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
%%
No true wizard ever breaks his word.
%%
"No trumpets sound when the important decisions of
 our life are made.  Destiny is made known
 silently."
 -- Agnes De Mille
%%
Not running OS/2? You're throwing it all out the Windows!
%%
Not SENSUOUS...  only ``FROLICSOME''...
 and in need of DENTAL WORK...  in PAIN!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Not Shampoo, but the *real* Pooh!
%%
Not So Hot: Luke Warm
%%
Not so tough.
%%
Not stepping o'er the bounds of modesty.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
 not stretched at any great
height but just above the ground.  It seems more designed to make
people stumble than to be walked upon.
 -- Franz Kafka
%%
Not sure if it helps, but turn the monitor ON.
%%
Not sure if it's letter-perfect, that's a phonetic interpre

What am I talking about - I have the book right here!

OK, the "chust" is "just", and there's no comma, but apart from that,
it's exact!
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Not that the earth doth yield
In hill or dale, in forest or in field,
A rarer plant.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Third Day
%%
Not that we needed all that stuff, but when you get locked into a
serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
%%
Not the Beatles, but an incredible simulation.
%%
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
%%
Not the full quid.
%%
NOT the Mama!!
%%
Not the same since they took him off his medication.
%%
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
%%
Not this little mammal! Fly a human? I'd rather suck wax fruit!
 -- Batty
%%
Not to be or to be, that the question is.
 -- Yoda and Shakespeare
%%
Not to be taken eternally.
%%
Not today, I have a headache...
%%
Not to decide is to decide.
 -- Harvey Cox
%%
Not to know is bad, but not to wish to know is worse.
%%
Not to know me argues yourselves unknown,
The lowest of your throng.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 830
%%
Not to know what has been transacted in former times is to be always
a child. If no use is made of the labors of past ages, the world must
remain always in the infancy of knowledge.
 -- Cicero
%%
Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.
 -- Spinoza
%%
Not tonight, Chekhov, I have an earache
%%
Not tonight, darling - the Supreme Court is watching.
%%
Not tonight, dear...a hockey game is on!
%%
Not tonight, dear.  I have a modem.
%%
Not tonight, dear.  I have an attitude.
%%
Not tonight, dear.  I have a QWKRR 128 packet.
%%
Not tonight, honey. I got a BBS!
%%
Not tonight, honey. I have a modem
%%
Not tonight, honey. The Canadiens lost.
%%
Not tonight, hon. I have a headcrash.
%%
Not to perambulate the corridors in
 the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
 -- In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers
%%
Not to speak it profanely.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Not to think of men above that which is written.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians iv, 6
%%
Not to worry, this is a TRANSCENDENTAL solution.
%%
Not two strong men the enormous weight could raise,--
Such men as live in these degenerate days.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book v, Line 371
%%
Not unlike having your brains lightly whipped into a smooth puree.
%%
Not unlike the bear which bringeth forth
In the end of thirty dayes a shapeless birth;
But after licking, it in shape she drawes,
And by degrees she fashions out the pawes,
The head, and neck, and finally doth bring
To a perfect beast that first deformed thing.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, First Week, First Day
%%
Not what we wish, but what we want,
Oh, let thy grace supply!
 -- James Merrick (1720-1769)
 -- Hymn
%%
No two identical parts are alike.
 -- Beach's Law
%%
No two people perceive the same thing identically.
 -- Jack A. Marshall
%%
No two persons ever read the same book.
 -- Edmund Wilson
%%
:notwork: /not'werk/ n. A network, when it is acting {flaky}
   or is {down}.  Compare {nyetwork}.  Said at IBM to have
   originally referred to a particular period of flakiness on IBM's
   VNET corporate network ca. 1988; but there are independent reports
   of the term from elsewhere.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Not worth pissin' on.
%%
Not wrapped too tight.
%%
Not written by Homer
but by another man of that name.
%%
No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen,
government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
NO, UART!
%%
Nougalicity: degree which a snickers will stretch before breaking.
%%
Nought shall prevail against us, or disturb Our cheerful faith, that
all which we behold Is full of blessings.
 -- Wordsworth
%%
Nought venter nought have.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
NOUMENON, n.  That which exists, as distinguished from that which
merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon.  The noumenon is
a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only be a process of
reasoning -- which is a phenomenon.  Nevertheless, the discovery and
exposition of noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes calls "the
endless variety and excitement of philosophic thought."  Hurrah
(therefore) for the noumenon!
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
No use beating a dead horse.
%%
No use crying over spilled water under a burned bridge.
%%
No use getting too involved in life--you're only here for a limited time.
%%
No use milking a spilt cow.
%%
No user-serviceable parts inside.  Refer to qualified service personnel.
%%
No vacuum cleaner should give a human being a double polaroid.
 -- Red Dwarf 'The Last Day'
%%
NOVEL, n.  A short story padded.  A species of composition bearing the
same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art.  As it is
too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by its
successive parts are successively effaced, as in the panorama.  Unity,
totality of effect, is impossible; for besides the few pages last read
all that is carried in mind is the mere plot of what has gone before.
To the romance the novel is what photography is to painting.  Its
distinguishing principle, probability, corresponds to the literal
actuality of the photograph and puts it distinctly into the category
of reporting; whereas the free wing of the romancer enables him to
mount to such altitudes of imagination as he may be fitted to attain;
and the first three essentials of the literary art are imagination,
imagination and imagination.  The art of writing novels, such as it
was, is long dead everywhere except in Russia, where it is new.  Peace
to its ashes -- some of which have a large sale.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Novelty is not necessarily a virtue.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Starting from Scratch: A Different Kind of Writer's Manual
%%
November, n.: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
NOVEMBER
  Oh come on, that was months ago, it's pointless dwelling on it now.
  The word November is actually Latin. Nov means nine, indicating the
  ninth month, which is due to the guy who made up all the months
  having a bit of a problem with adding up. Ember is something to do
  with open fireplaces, which are popular in some parts of the
  Northern Hemisphere, making the name of this month hemispherist, of
  course.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Novice:
 A person who talks about learning Basic, and spend all of his/her time
 trying to get into the joke and adult message bulletin boards.
%%
Novices do it with instructions.
%%
        No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider
the furniture!
 -- Sherlock Holmes
%%
No viruses detected. Must be a pair of Nanites.
%%
Novus Ordo Seclorum.
%%
Nowadays everything we have is taxed - even our patience.
%%
Nowadays, kids express their individuality by dressing in a most bizarre
 manner, with unusual hair styles, all of which conform rigorously to the
 code for these things which the kids understand, even if you don't.
%%
Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and
discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are
one's mistakes.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Nowadays, when opportunity knocks, you have to unlock both deadbolts,
remove the chain, and turn off the burglar alarm...
%%
Now a' is done that men can do,
  And a' is done in vain.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- A' for our Rightfu' King
%%
Now all those things that were important,
Mister they vanish in the dirt.
%%
NO WALRUSES!!!
%%
Now, am I by any chance addressing a senior dignitary of the Spanish
  Inquisition? Because if I am, I would like to say that I am prepared
  to tell you absolutely..._anything_.
 -- Edmund to Spaniard : Chains
%%
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
 -- Frank McKinney Hubbard (1868-1930), "Abe Martin's Broadcast", 1930
%%
Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be
happy.
%%
No wants -- no needs? We weren't meant for that.
%%
No wants -- no needs?  We weren't meant for that.  None of us.  Man
  stagnates if he has no ambition, no desire to be more than he is.
 -- Kirk, "This Side of Paradise," stardate 3417.5.
%%
Now...'Any history of insanity in the family?'...Tell you what,
  I'll just cross out the 'in'...'Any history of _sanity_ in the
  family?'...(writes)...'None whatsoever'...
 -- Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
Now a pestering sister's a festering blister, you'd best-a resist her...
%%
No war or battle's sound
Was heard the world around.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Hymn on Christ's Nativity, Line 53
%%
No warp? Worf, Data...get out and push...I'll steer.
%%
Now, assuming that I'm right.  And I invariably am...
 -- The Doctor
%%
Now as the Paradisiacal pleasures of the Mahometans consist in playing
upon the flute and lying with Houris, be mine to read eternal new
romances of Marivaux and Crebillon.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- To Mr. West, Letter iv, Third Series
%%
 No way!   I falsified my renewal.  I put down 1060 West Addison.
 --1060 West Addison?    That's Wrigley Field.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
Now back to the normal confusion...
%%
"Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible -
yea, and get the better of them."
 -- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
%%
Now, blessings light on him that first invented this same sleep! It
covers a man all over, thoughts and all, like a cloak; it is meat
for the hungry, drink for the thirsty, heat for the cold, and cold
for the hot. It is the current coin that purchases all the pleasures
of the world cheap, and the balance that sets the king and the shepherd,
the fool and the wise man, even.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lxviii
%%
Now, blues music is simple music.
 And simple music is the hardest musin in the world to play.
 -- Albert Collins, Ain't Nothing But The Blues
%%
Now Bob, you know you'll go blind!!!
%%
Now, by two-headed Janus,
Nature hath framed strange fellows in her time.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Now calm yourself, ensign, and try to tell remember
what button you pushed   [picture of upsidedown Enterprise]
%%
Now came still evening on, and twilight gray
Had in her sober livery all things clad;
Silence accompany'd; for beast and bird,
They to their grassy couch, these to their nests,
Were slunk, all but the wakeful nightingale;
She all night long her amorous descant sung;
Silence was pleas'd. Now glow'd the firmament
With living sapphires; Hesperus, that led
The starry host, rode brightest, till the moon,
Rising in clouded majesty, at length
Apparent queen unveil'd her peerless light,
And o'er the dark her silver mantle threw.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 598
%%
Now cheaply bought for thrice their weight in gold.
 -- John Ferriar (1764-1815)
 -- Illustrations of Sterne, Bibliomania, Line 65
%%
Now comes the mystery.
 -- Last words of Henry Ward Beecher, 8 March 1887.
%%
Now conscience wakes despair
That slumber'd,--wakes the bitter memory
Of what he was, what is, and what must be
Worse.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 23
%%
Now Denial:
 To tell oneself that the only time worth living is in the past
and that the only time that may ever be interesting again is the
future.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Now...'Distinguishing Features'....none...
Well - I've got this big growth in the middle of my face.
That's your _nose_, Baldrick...
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
No wealth in the world can help humanity forward, even in the hands of
the most devoted worker in this cause ... Can anyone imagine Moses,
Jesus, or Gandhi armed with the money-bags of Carnegie?
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
No weapon is better than a crysknife.
%%
No, we are not drugs on...
%%
Now Eating: Cream Cheese,green olives on bagle.
%%
N.O.W. -- epitome of hypocricy in regards to Anita Hill & Paula Jones.
%%
No, we're never going to survive unless we get a little bit crazy.
 -- Seal
%%
No!   We will not die like dogs.  We will fight like lions!
 -- The Three Amigos
%%
Now fitted the halter, now traversed the cart,
And often took leave, but was loth to depart.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- The Thief and the Cordelier
%%
Now, folks, all I know is what little news I read every day in the paper. I
 see where another wife out on Long Island in New York shot her husband.
 Season opened a month earlier this year ... Never a day passes in New York
 without some innocent bystander being shot. You just stand around this town
 long enough and be innocent and somebody's gonna shoot ya.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Now for a few tags.
%%
Now for good lucke, cast an old shooe after me.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
Now for the girl stuff....
%%
"Now, for the LAST TIME, old man, WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?"
  "And as I told you *already*, sir, I'm SELF-EMPLOYED and PROUD OF IT!"
 -- A beauracratic villain and Uncle Max from ZOT!
%%
"Now, for use with your child's 'My Little Pony'
 playset, the 'My Little Pet Food Processing
 Plant!' -- from Real World Toys, caring about your
 child's future."
 -- Saw this on the net, and I'm not sure who originated it
%%
Now, from K-TEL, on 2 LPs, 1 Cassette OR 3 CD's!
%%
Now give a big Family Feud welcome to the Menendez Family
%%
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
%%
Now go back or thou shalt most certainly die.
 -- Q, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
Now, good digestion wait on appetite,
And health on both!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Now go, write it before them in a table, and note it in a book.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxx, 8
%%
Now had Aurora displayed her mantle over the blushing skies, and dark
night withdrawn her sable veil.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vi
%%
Now half appear'd
The tawny lion, pawing to get free
His hinder parts.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vii, Line 463
%%
Now Hatred is by far the longest pleasure;
Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
"Now hear this!  The father/son sack race will begin in 5 minutes
on the north lawn.  Participation is MANDATORY, repeat MANDATORY!"
 -- The Simpsons
%%
    Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead
of me.  That means nothing.  People like us, who believe in
physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and
future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Nowhere is now here.
 -- Nakagawa Soen Roshi
%%
Now, Here's John Bobbitt with a few words about Crazy Glue.
%%
Now here's something you're really going to like!
 -- Rocket J. Squirrel
%%
Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in
the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at
least twice as fast as that.
 -- Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832-98), English writer,
mathematician
 -- Through the Looking-Glass, ch. 2 (1872)
%%
Nowher so besy a man as he ther n' as,
And yet he semed besier than he was.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 323
%%
Now how come I didn't think of that?
 -- The owner of a little book depository in Dallas
%%
Now how much would you pay for all this?  BUT, *Wait*! Don't answer...
%%
No. Why, have YOU ever snorted laser toner?
%%
Now I am depressed...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now, I don't pretend to tell you how to find happiness and love, when
  every day is a struggle to survive.  But I do insist that you do
  survive, because the days and the years ahead are worth living for!
 -- Edith Keeler, "The City on the Edge of Forever," stardate unknown.
%%
No wife of *mine* is doing any dishes.   That's what we had the kid for.
 -- from Deathlok comics #1
%%
Now if I can run Win3 under DV under Unix...
%%
Now, if I could get my hands on this General Failure....
%%
Now if I could only find the Video switch!
%%
Now, if my bank gave *Video* Toasters with each new account . . .
%%
Now if only The Whalers could fight like that in a game...
%%
Now, if the leaders of the world -- people who are leaders by virtue of
political, military or financial power, and not necessarily wisdom or
consideration for mankind -- if these leaders manage not to pull us
over the brink into planetary suicide, despite their occasional pompous
suggestions that they may feel obliged to do so, we may survive beyond
1988.
 -- George Rostky, EE Times, June 20, 1988 p. 45
%%
Now, if you play straight with me, you'll find me a considerate
  employer. But cross me, and you'll soon discover that under this
  playful, boyish, exterior...beats the heart of a ruthless, sadistic..
  ..maniac.
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
Now I give my credit cards to a blonde swedish gal.
%%
Now I know how Pontius Pilate must have felt.
 -- Sinclair
%%
Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician.
 We need more statesmen.
 -- Bob Edwards
%%
Now I know what happened to all the neurons that QA tossed out.
%%
Now I know why O.J. did all those Hertz commercials...practice.
%%
Now I know why they shoot people at sunrise; who wants to live
 at six a.m.?
 -- Hawkeye Pierce
%%
Now, I know you're probably asking yourself "Did he fire six shots,
 or just five?"  Well, in all this excitement, I clean forgot myself.
 Now, since this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world,
 and since it can blow your head clean off, the question you have to ask
 yourself is "Do I feel lucky?"  Well, do ya, punk?
 -- Clint Eastwood, "Dirty Harry"
%%
 Now I lay me down to sheep
   I pray the Lord the sheep's asleep
   If, perchance, the sheep should wake
   Simple friendship shall I fake.
 -- Frances Grimble
%%
Now I lay me down to sleep
I hear the sirens in the street
All my dreams are made of chrome
I have no way to get back home
 -- Tom Waits
%%
Now I lay me down to sleep.
 I pray the double lock will keep;
 May no brick through the window break,
 And, no one rob me till I awake.
%%
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I'll cry in anguish, Mistake!! Mistake!!
%%
 Now I lay me down to sleep;
 Leave a message at the beep.
 If I die before I wake,
 Remember to erase the tape.
 -- Answering machine madness - farewell
%%
Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the Lord I won't go nutty.
And if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord that I won't flunk.
But if I do, don't pity me at all,
Just lay my bones in the study hall.
Tell my teacher I've done my best,
Then pile my books upon my chest.
%%
"Now I'll give YOU something to believe.  I'm just one hundred and
one, five months and a day." "I can't believe THAT!" said Alice. "Can't
you?" the Queen said in a pitying tone.   "Try again: draw a long
breath, and shut your eyes." Alice laughed.   "There's no use trying,"
she said: "one CAN'T believe in impossible things." "I daresay you
haven't had much practice," said the Queen.  "When I was your age,
I always did it for half-an-hour a day.  Why, sometimes I've believed
as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP
 with the BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward
 the end of World War II!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now I'm gonna shoot the moon.
%%
Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round
 wives of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS
 and being approached by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now I'm hearing the term baby killers again.
%%
Now in new great-tasting Grape and Watermelon flavors.
%%
Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and
have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity then they really are.
 -- Henry Fielding
%%
Now is come the time on Shprockets ven ve dance.
%%
Now I see from whence the stench came!
 -- Ren
%%
Now I see why you want to handle all the away teams, Number One.
That's where all the excitement is.
 -- Picard to Riker, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
Now is not a good time to annoy me.
%%
Now is the accepted time.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians vi, 2
%%
Now is the time, after reading about habits, to do something really
 foolish! Start Smoking!
%%
Now is the time for all good men to come to aid of the men's movement!
%%
Now is the time for all good men to come to.
 -- Walt Kelly
%%
Now is the time for drinking;
now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot.
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Now is the time for everyone who believes in the rule of
reason to speak up against pathological science and its
purveyors.
 -- John A. Wheeler
%%
Now is the Windows of our disk contents.
%%
Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York,
and all the clouds that loured upon our house in the deep bosom of the ocean
buried. Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths, our bruised arms
hung up for monuments, our stern alarums changed to merry meetings, our
dreadful marches to delightful measures.
Grim-visaged war hath smoothed his wrinkled front; and now, instead of
mounting barbed steeds to fright the souls of fearful adversaries,
he capers nimbly in a lady's chamber to the lascivious pleasing of a lute.
But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks, nor made to court
an amorous looking-glass; I, that am rudely stamped, and want love's majesty
to strut before a wanton ambling nymph; I, that am curtailed
of this fair proportion, cheated of feature by dissembling nature,
deformed, unfinished, sent before my time into this breathing world,
scarce half made up, and that so lamely and unfashionable
that dogs bark at me as I halt by them,-- why, I, in this weak piping
time of peace, have no delight to pass away the time,
unless to spy my shadow in the sun.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Now is time for a breakdown
%%
Now is yesterday's tomorrow.
 -- Contemporary Californian Proverb
%%
..  Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes
 JUST BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now, I think it would be GOOD to buy FIVE or SIX STUDEBAKERS
 and CRUISE for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything as
mind-bogglingly useful as the Babel fish could have evolved purely by chance
that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the
NON-existence of God.
"The argument goes something like this: 'I refuse to prove that I exist,' says
God, 'for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.'
"'But,' says Man, 'the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it?  It could not
have evolved by chance.  It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own
arguments, you don't.  QED.'
"'Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanishes in a
puff of logic.
"'Oh, that was easy,' says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black
is white and gets himself killed on the next pedestrian crossing."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table, but
 you only want the ones that you can't get.
 -- The Eagles
%%
... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
%%
Now I understand the meaning of ``THE MOD SQUAD''!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now I've gone too far, where do I go now?
%%
"Now I've got the bead on you with MY
 disintegrating gun. And when it disintegrates, it
 disintegrates. [pulls trigger] Well, what you do
 know... it disintegrated."
 -- DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24-1/2 CENTURY!!
 -- Looney Tunes, Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2 Century (1953, Chuck Jones)
%%
NOW I've put my ear in it!
%%
Now I walk in shadows, never see the light...
%%
"Now, I want you to look very carefully at what we have just proved.
 What we have just proved is false." [slight pause while what he has
 just said sinks in] "Oh dear, that's going to go onto the computer,
 isn't it."
%%
..  Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now kids,  DON'T SMOKE...  unless,  of course,  you want to
look REALLY cool.
 -- Penn + Teller
%%
Now let me explain why this makes intuitive sense.
 -- Prof. Larry Wasserman
%%
Now let me see...
Well, we weren't quite able to restore your state.  You can't have
everything.
%%
Now let's all repeat the non-conformist oath.
%%
Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now let us sing, Long live the king!
  And Gilpin, Long live he!
And when he next doth ride abroad,
  May I be there to see!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- History of John Gilpin
%%
Now let us thank the Eternal Power: convinced
That Heaven but tries our virtue by affliction,--
That oft the cloud which wraps the present hour
Serves but to brighten all our future days.
 -- John Brown (1715-1766)
 -- Barbarossa, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Now lie back and pass out out before I have to sedate you.
%%
NOW, more than ever, insane!
%%
Now, more than ever, it is evident that `good taste' only refers to that
 which reinforces the status quo."
 -- Andre Peret
%%
Now morn, her rosy steps in th' eastern clime
Advancing, sow'd the earth with orient pearl,
When Adam wak'd, so custom'd; for his sleep
Was aery light, from pure digestion bred.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 1
%%
Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?
%%
Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Now MTV is running that "Rock Against Drugs" campaign. Right. That's an
 awful lot like "Whores Against Sex."
 -- Bob Harris
%%
Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the
 SMELTING and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now my soul hath elbow-room.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act v, Sc. 7
%%
Now, nakedness is a delightful condition. And it keeps you very pleasantly
cool - especially, I suppose, if you happen to be a man. But as I walked on
eastward that afternoon through my private, segregated, Tonto world
(exercising due care at first for previously protected sectors of my
anatomy) I found I had gained more than coolness. I felt a quite unexpected
freedom from restraint. And after a while I found that I had moved on to a
new kind of simplicity. A simplicity that had a fitting, Adam-like,
in-the-beginning earliness about it.
 -- Colin Fletcher, The Man Who Walked Through Time
%%
N.O.W.
 --  Nasty Old Whiners.
%%
Now night descending, the proud scene was o'er,
But lived in Settle's numbers one day more.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book i, Line 89
%%
NOW NO SWIMS ON MON
 -- [can be read also from above]
%%
Now now, we're not schizophrenic, are we?
%%
Now o'er the one half-world
Nature seems dead.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
N.O.W. officials have well-earned the name "feminazi."
%%
No woman can call herself free who does not own and control her body.
No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether
she will or will not be a mother.
 -- Margaret H. Sanger
%%
No woman ever shot a man while he was doing the dishes.
%%
No woman in my time will be Prime Minister or Foreign Secretary, not the
 top jobs - anyway, I wouldn't want to be Prime Minister.
%%
No woman [is] so naked as one you can see to be naked underneath her clothes.
%%
No woman is so simple that she can't get screwed.
%%
No woman is worth dying for. Killing for, but not dying for.
 -- Mickey D, "The Royale", stardate 42625.4
%%
No woman is worth the loss of a night's sleep.
%%
No woman, No cry.
%%
No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so
 calculating.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
No women can live long enough to try all the recipes she clips out of
 newspapers. And even if she did, she wouldn't admit it.
%%
Now on CD ROM, classic taglines of the computer era.
%%
No wonder can last more than three days.
%%
No wonder Clairol makes so much money selling shampoo.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat is an infinite loop!
%%
No wonder Clinton couldn't make it in the BSA!  He isn't thrifty.
%%
No wonder Clinton couldn't make it in the BSA!  He isn't trustworthy.
%%
No wonder I feel so tired--I'm older now than I've ever been before.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
No wonder kids get confused. Half the adults tell them to find themselves,
 and the other half of the adults tell them to get lost.
%%
No wonder there is water pollution. Everyday, some 300 million bottles of
 Coca Cola are drunk by people around the world.
%%
No wonder you're tired!  You understood so much today.
%%
Now on home video: "Lost in Space: The Motion Picture"
%%
Now on sale at Barnacle Brothers
%%
No words suffice the secret soul to show,
For truth denies all eloquence to woe.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto iii, Stanza 22
%%
Now Percy, will you get out...before I cut off your head, scoop out
  the insides...and give it to your mother as a vase.
 -- Edmund : Potato
%%
Now playing: "Man of La Muncha"
 -- Hannibal Lecter Dinner Theatre
%%
Now, please excuse me while I wreak my vengeance.
 -- Huge the Barbarian from the same cartoon
%%
Now, reader, I have told my dream to thee;
 See if thou canst interpret it to me
 Or to thyself, or neighbor. But take heed
 Of misinterpreting; for that, instead
 Of doing good, will but thyself abuse
 By misinterpreting evil issues.
 -- John Bunyan, The Pilgrims's Progress
%%
NOW recruitment:  "We're looking for a few good men -- in women's bodies."
%%
"Now Sally, don't you know you are not supposed to eat with
your knife?"
"Yes, Mother, but my fork leaks."
%%
Now see here, guy!  You're not dealing with any dumb two-bit
trigger-pumping morons with low hairlines, little piggy eyes and no
conversation, we're a couple of intelligent caring guys that you'd
probably quite like if you met us socially!  I don't go around
gratuitously shooting people and then bragging about it afterwards in
seedy space-ranger bars, like some cops I could mention!  I go around
shooting people gratuitously and then I agonize about it afterwards for
hours to my girlfriend!
 -- Policeman from Blagulon Kappa, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Now see that noble and most sovereign reason,
Like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Now Serving: Left d'oeuvres
%%
NOW SHOWING: Disney's "The Lyin' King" starring Bill Clinton.
%%
Now, since everything else is furnished with the exact amount of needle and
thread required to maintain its being, it is in truth incredible that we
alone should be brought into the world in a defective and indigent state,
in a state such that we cannot maintain ourselves without external aid.
Montaigne, "On the custom of wearing clothes"
%%
Now, smarty, where will you be on the 8th of July in 1990, at 34 minutes
 past noon? You do not know where you will be at 12:34:56 PM, on 7/8/90?
 Shame on you!
%%
Now some guys they just give up livin',
And start dyin' little by little, piece by piece.
Some guys come home from work and wash up,
And go racin' in the street.
 -- Badlands, "Racing In The Street" from "Darkness On The Edge of Town"
%%
Now spurs the lated traveller apace
To gain the timely inn.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Now, telephone companies are not stupid, at least for large values of
 'stupid'.
 -- Michael O'Brien (Mr. Protocol)
%%
Now that hell has frozen over and Germany has reunited,
the only thing that would surprise me would be if Apple and IBM....
%%
Now that I am dead, I'm finally making a living.
%%
Now that I have my ``APPLE,'' I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Now that is the wisdom of man, in every instance of his
labor, to hitch his wagon to a star, and see his chore done
by the gods themselves.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Now that I've muddied the waters it's time to paddle off!
%%
Now that long distance calls have replaced writing home for money on the
 part of most collegians, we are deprived of literary efforts toward
 greatness.
%%
Now that Philip Morris owns Kraft Cheese, will we get a menthol flavored
 Philadelphia Cream Cheese?
%%
Now THAT'S Italian!
%%
Now that tag lines are out, what's this doing here?
%%
Now that the government is going to balance the budget, it is up to the
 rest of us to budget the balance. Some folks think we are getting too much
 government these days. They should be very happy that we are not getting
 all of the stuff we are paying for.
%%
Now that there's your FIRST problem, Pilgrim!
%%
    Now, that the sovereign power and deity, whatsoever it is,
should have regard of mankind, is a toy and vanity worthy to
be laughed at.
 -- Pliny The Elder
%%
Now that we are no longer a growth company, your beard is a liability.
%%
Now that we have managed, in the course of human history, to domesticate so
 many of the animals, perhaps it is time that we get to one important effort
 we seem to have neglected...human beings. We can give domestication a try.
%%
Now that we travel in space how about travelling in time?
%%
Now that world telephone and television transmission are a reality,
the only communications problem left on earth is that between
parents and teenagers.
%%
Now the cycle is complete;
before I was but the learner,
now I am the master!
%%
Now the earth bleeds cold water in my open hands
 But their bodies bleed poison, and they swallow the sands
 -- Swans "Song For Dead Time"
%%
Now, the first words out of your mouth are the most important. You may
  want to start with something like this here. You are the most beautiful
  woman in the galaxy. but that might not work."
"Yes! Yes, it would."
You don't know how long I've wanted to tell you that.
"But you were afraid."
Yes.
"Of me?"
Of us. Of what we might become.
 -- Riker and Guinan, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
Now the heart is so full that a drop overfills it;
We are happy now because God wills it.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Vision of Sir Launfal, Prelude to Part First
%%
Now the king drinks to Hamlet.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange trees that
were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ...
 -- The Begatting of a President
%%
Now then, was that funny or WHAT?
%%
Now then, what seems to be the trouble?
Well...it's my manservant.
Yes, well, don't be embarrassed. If you've got the pox, just pop your..
  ..er..'manservant' on the table and we'll have a look at it,shall we?
 -- Doctor and Edmund : Bells
%%
Now then woman...if indeed you _are_ a woman...
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
Now there is fame! Of all-hunger, misery, the incomprehension by the
public-fame is by far the worst. It is the castigation of God by the
artist. It is sad. It is true.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quoted in David Douglas Duncan, Picasso's Picassos (1961)
%%
Now there's a moderator with an itchy twit-finger.
%%
Now there was at Joppa a certain disciple named Tabitha, which by
interpretation is called Dorcas: this woman was full of good works
and almsdeeds which she did.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts ix, 36
%%
Now the trumpet summons us again -- not as a call to bear arms, though
arms we need -- not as a call to battle, though embattled we are -- but
a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle year in and year
out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation" -- a struggle against
the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease and war itself.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
Now the world has gone to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infrared,
How I hate the night.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night.
 -- Marvin, the Paranoid Android
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Now think of all the years you tried to/Find someone to satisfy you/I
might be as crazy as you say/If I'm crazy then it's true/That it's all
because of you/And you wouldn't want me any other way
 -- Billy Joel
%%
Now, THIS is a tagline.
%%
Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm.   Gag me with a
smurfette.
 -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
%%
Now this is a way to make a phone call!
%%
Now this is extremely nasty.
%%
Now this is going to be your first day on a strange new planet, so I
want you all wrapped up snug and warm, and no playing with any naughty
bug-eyed monsters.
                 DON'T  PANIC
%%
Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end.
But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Now this is the Law of the Jungle-
 as old and as true as the sky;
 And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper,
 but the Wolf that shall break must die.
 -- Rudyard Kipling, "The law of the jungle"
%%
No Wucking Forries.
%%
Now, watch closely.  I'm only doing this once.
%%
Now, we are about to attempt to cross....the Bridge of Death!
%%
"Now we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze.  But remember, because
these are children's toys, the fire will spread quite rapidly.       So, please
stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes."
 -- Minister in "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
Now, we dolly back, now we fade to black . . .
%%
Now, we give you Bob and his inflatable doll!
%%
Now, we know what Clinton did in Russia - He studied economics!!!
%%
Now we see through a glass, darkly.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xiii, 12
%%
Now, what did I do with that flak jacket?
%%
Now, what I contend is that my body is my own, at least I have always
so regarded it.  If I do harm through my experimenting with it, it is I
who suffer, not the state.
 -- Samuel Longhorn Clemmons (a.k.a. Mark Twain)
%%
Now, what is the worst tennis-playing nation in the world?
 Australia?
 No, try again.
 Australia?
 No, try again but say a different place...
 -- Monty Python
%%
Now what I want is, Facts...Facts alone are wanted in life.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
Now what's the matter?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
Now what the f..k do I do?
 -- The Russian cosmonaut after the collapse of the Soviet Union
%%
Now, what were we talking about?
%%
Now, when there are billions of people and not so many trees, it is
sustaining to imagine what it might be like to open one's flowers on
a spring afternoon, or to stand silently, making food out to sunlight,
for a thousand years.
 -- David Rains Wallace  -  "The Klamath Knot"
%%
Now, where did I park my hard drive?
%%
Now, where did I put that dweeb filter?
%%
Now, where did I put that fire extinguisher?
%%
Now, where did I put that nitwit filter?
%%
Now, where did I put that rubber doll?
%%
Now, where did I put those Cthulhu Taglines?
%%
Now, WHERE did you say my disk drove??
%%
Now, who's the guy who fills those *creme* doughnuts?
%%
Now, why do you think THAT?
%%
Now, why won't you believe Santa took all your panties?
%%
Now will I show myself to have more of the serpent than the dove;
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- The Jew of Malta, Act ii
%%
Now, with the added power of Platformate.
%%
Now, witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree.
%%
Now...  Would _I_ do _that_?!?
%%
Now would I give a thousand furlongs of sea for an acre of barren ground.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Now you are cooking with gas.
%%
Now you are standing in the grey shack. The clapboard walls are
cheap and flimsy. There is a heavy coating of dust over the entire
interior. The room is empty except for a desk standing in one
corner and a sink which is attached to the north wall. There
is a single exit to the south.
%%
Now you can get a weather forecast based upon radar which is fairly
 accurate for the next day or two, however, for really long range
 forecasting, you must have rheumatism.
%%
Now you have accidentally said something valuable!
 -- Hercule Poirot in MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS
%%
Now you have to pound the table, and jump up and down.
%%
Now you know why the Cheshire Cat is smiling.
%%
Now you're assimilating with POWER!
 -- Nintendo of Borg
%%
... Now you're ready for the actual shopping.  Your goal should be to
get it over with as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay in
the mall, the longer your children will have to listen to holiday songs
on the mall public-address system, and many of these songs can damage
children emotionally.  For example: Frosty the Snowman is about a
snowman who befriends some children, plays with them until they learn
to love him, then melts.    And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is about
a young reindeer who, because of a physical deformity, is treated as an
outcast by the other reindeer.    Then along comes good, old Santa.  Does
he ignore the deformity?  Does he look past Rudolph's nose and respect
Rudolph for the sensitive reindeer he is underneath?  No.  Santa asks
Rudolph to guide his sleigh, as if Rudolph were nothing more than some
kind of headlight with legs and a tail.  So unless you want your
children exposed to this kind of insensitivity, you should shop
quickly.
 -- Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
%%
Now you've done it.  It seems that the brick has other properties
than weight, namely the ability to blow you to smithereens.
%%
Now you've really done it!  I'm out of orange smoke!  You don't expect
me to do a decent reincarnation without any orange smoke, do you?
%%
No, you *CANT* use my toothbrush!
%%
No you don't understand, see you don't understand...
%%
No you fool!  We we're told to comb the desert so were combing it!
%%
No.  You left out anti-environment, pro-gun, anti-government ... but,
%%
NO!  You may not have another cookie.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
NPC: Normalize Program Counter
%%
NPN: No Program Necessary
%%
:NP-: /N-P/ pref. Extremely.  Used to modify adjectives
   describing a level or quality of difficulty; the connotation is
   often `more so than it should be' (NP-complete problems all seem
   to be very hard, but so far no one has found a good a priori
   reason that they should be.)  "Coding a BitBlt implementation to
   perform correctly in every case is NP-annoying."  This is
   generalized from the computer-science terms `NP-hard' and
   `NP-complete'.  NP is the set of Nondeterministic-Polynomial
   algorithms, those that can be completed by a nondeterministic
   Turing machine in an amount of time that is a polynomial function
   of the size of the input; a solution for one NP-complete problem
   would solve all the others.  Note, however, that the NP- prefix is,
   from a complexity theorist's point of view, the wrong part of
   `NP-complete' to connote extreme difficulty; it is the completeness,
   not the NP-ness, that puts any problem it describes in the
   `hard' category.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NRA life member JFK was shot by ACLU member L.H. Oswald.
%%
:nroff:: /N'rof/ [UNIX, from "new roff" (see {{troff}})] n. A
   companion program to the UNIX typesetter {{troff}}, accepting
   identical input but preparing output for terminals and line
   printers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NSA Keywords:  Drugs, Bush Terrorist, Ocelot, Iraq.
%%
NT Craws, Win Walk, Dos Run, OS/2 Fly
%%
NTGH: Not Tonight, I've Got a Headache
%%
nt is to inspire fear and
awe--fear and awe of the State.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
NT IS UNIX.
 -- Bill Gates
%%
Nuclear clock stands at five mins to midnite.
%%
Nuclear engineers do it hotter than anyone else.
%%
Nuclear Explosives: Adam Baum
%%
Nuclear Power Bafflement: Ken Fusion
%%
Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
 Edwin Meese III
%%
Nuclear war?!? There goes my career!
%%
Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of
normal routines, for children and adults alike.
 -- Willard F. Libby, You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack
%%
Nuclear war would really set back cable TV.
 -- Ted Turner
%%
Nuclear weapons can wipe out life on earth, if used properly.
%%
Nuclear weapons don't kill people, bad policies kill people.
 -- Bill Schmickle
%%
:nude: adj. Said of machines delivered without an operating system
   (compare {bare metal}).  "We ordered 50 systems, but they all
   arrived nude, so we had to spend a an extra weekend with the
   installation tapes."  This usage is a recent innovation reflecting
   the fact that most PC clones are now delivered with DOS or
   Microsoft Windows pre-installed at the factory.  Other kinds of
   hardware are still normally delivered without OS, so this term is
   particular to PC support groups.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nudist Camp sign - Sorry, Clothed for Winter.
%%
Nudists are people who go in for altogetherness.
%%
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
%%
Nueva!  Contiene aceite legitimo 9 vainilla del indio!
%%
Nugloo:  Single continuous eyebrow that covers the entire forehead.
%%
Nuke a gay whale for Jesus.
 -- an attempt to be as politically incorrect as possible, of unknown origin
%%
Nuke 'em till they glow, and then shoot them in the dark.
%%
Nuke Me Slowly
 -- Marshall Law Comix
%%
:nuke: /n[y]ook/ vt. 1. To intentionally delete the entire
   contents of a given directory or storage volume.  "On UNIX,
   `rm -r /usr' will nuke everything in the usr filesystem."
   Never used for accidental deletion.  Oppose {blow away}.
   2. Syn. for {dike}, applied to smaller things such as files,
   features, or code sections.  Often used to express a final verdict.
   "What do you want me to do with that 80-meg {wallpaper} file?"
   "Nuke it."  3. Used of processes as well as files; nuke is a
   frequent verbal alias for `kill -9' on UNIX.  4. On IBM PCs,
   a bug that results in {fandango on core} can trash the operating
   system, including the FAT (the in-core copy of the disk block
   chaining information).  This can utterly scramble attached disks,
   which are then said to have been `nuked'.  This term is also used
   of analogous lossages on Macintoshes and other micros without
   memory protection.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NUKES do it with more power
%%
Nuke the baby fur whales.
%%
Nuke the gay, black, female, baby whales for Jesus...
%%
Nuke the liberal media.
%%
Nuke the Smurfs
%%
Nuke the whales
%%
Nuke the Whales
 -- US Fission Wildlife Service
%%
Nuke the world--I want to get off
%%
Nuke:  To destroy, demolish, obliterate, wipe out, mung, hash into little
bits, waste, screw up, or make FUBAR, by means of atomic weapons
or with a computer.
 -- Amiga ROM Kernal Manual  (Glossary)
%%
(null cookie; hope that's ok)
%%
NULL MODEM
  Another one of those things which sits around on your desk for
  months, but mysteriously vanishes the day before you need it.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Null modems were created when God got no handshake.
%%
Null String: The results of a 4 hour database search.
%%
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit.
There is no great genius without a tincture of madness.
 -- Seneca (8 BC)
 -- De Tranquillitate Animi, 17
%%
   "Nullumst iam dictum quod non dictum sit prius."
   "Nothing is now said which hasn't been said already."
 -- Terence
%%
Number 5: INPUT! INPUT! Need INPUT!...
%%
Number 6 of Borg - Why I resigned is irrelevant.
%%
Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9.
 -- The Beatles
%%
NUMBER CRUNCHING:  Jumping on a Computer.
%%
:number-crunching: n. Computations of a numerical nature, esp.
   those that make extensive use of floating-point numbers.  The only
   thing {Fortrash} is good for.  This term is in widespread
   informal use outside hackerdom and even in mainstream slang, but
   has additional hackish connotations: namely, that the computations
   are mindless and involve massive use of {brute force}.  This is
   not always {evil}, esp. if it involves ray tracing or fractals
   or some other use that makes {pretty pictures}, esp. if such
   pictures can be used as {wallpaper}.  See also {crunch}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Number 'n a hake.  (New England expression; a notoriously stupid fish.)
%%
Number ninety-seven:  A radio.
%%
Number One, buy me a Pontiac!
%%
Number One, I have the distinct impression we are being toyed with.
 -- Picard, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
Numbers are like people; torture them enough and they'll tell you anything.
%%
Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the same.
 -- G. O. Ashley
%%
Numbers are tools, not rules.
 -- G. O. Ashley
%%
:numbers: [scientific computation] n. Output of a computation that
   may not be significant results but at least indicate that the
   program is running.  May be used to placate management, grant
   sponsors, etc.  `Making numbers' means running a program
   because output --- any output, not necessarily meaningful output
 -- -- is needed as a demonstration of progress.  See {pretty
   pictures}, {math-out}, {social science number}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NUMBER THEORISTS do it "69"
%%
Number your magazine pages consecutively!
 -- William M. Gaines
%%
Numerical Logic Error: Press F13 to restore
%%
Numerical superiority is of no consequence.  In battle, victory will go to the
best tactician.
 -- G. A. Custer
%%
Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
%%
Nunc est bibendum.
Now is the time to drink.
 -- Horace
%%
Nunnery: Where nuns are hatched.
%%
Nuns do it out of habit.
%%
Nuns - No sense of humor.
 -- HIGHLANDER
%%
Nuns: Women who marry god.  If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe?
%%
Nuptial love maketh mankind, friendly love perfecteth it; but wanton
love corrupteth and embaseth it.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Nurse Donna:        Oh, Groucho, I'm afraid I'm gonna wind up an old maid.
Groucho:    Well, bring her in and we'll wind her up together.
Nurse Donna:            Do you believe in computer dating?
Groucho:        Only if the computers really love each other.
%%
Nurses are easy ... because they know where everything is.
 -- Pete Barbutti
%%
Nurses are patient people, but comments like this can make them sick.
%%
Nurses call the shots.
%%
Nurses do it painlessly.
%%
Nurses do it with care.
%%
Nurses do it with patience.
%%
NURSES do it with TLC
%%
Nurses make it all better
%%
Nurse! You done it backwards, I said prick his boil.
%%
Nursy! I like 'em firm and fruity! Am I pleased to see you, or did I
  just put a _canoe_ in my pocket?!!
 -- Lord Flashheart : Bells
%%
Nuthin' is simple sometimes...
%%
Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but more sanitary due to
limited circulation.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
Nutritional Slumming:
 Food whose enjoyment stems not from flavor but from complex
mixture of class connotations, nostalgia signals, and packaging
semiotics: Katie and I bought this tub of Multi-Whip instead of real
whip cream because we thought petroleum distillate whip topping seemed
like the sort of food that air force wives stationed in Pensacola back
in the early sixties would feed their husbands to celebrate a career
promotion.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Nutrition is a matter of mind over minerals.
%%
Nutrition tagline -Low in sodium-
%%
Nuts about You!: Cy Cosis
%%
"Nuts to your white mice" - Zaphod (SNAG eh?)
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Nutty as a fruitcake.
%%
:NUXI problem: /nuk'see pro'bl*m/ n. Refers to the problem of
   transferring data between machines with differing byte-order.  The
   string `UNIX' might look like `NUXI' on a machine with a
   different `byte sex' (e.g., when transferring data from a
   {little-endian} to a {big-endian}, or vice-versa).  See also
   {middle-endian}, {swab}, and {bytesexual}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NWDOS NWDOS NWDOS NWDOS NWDOS NWDOS NWDOS NWDOS NWDOS NWDOS
%%
- NWISSBM - Nasty-wasty Iraqi scum-sucking bastard missile - one of theirs
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Nyaa.  It's the old back firing time gauntlet trick.
 -- Lister in Red Dwarf 'Inquisitor'
%%
:nybble: /nib'l/ (alt. `nibble') [from v. `nibble' by analogy
   with `bite' => `byte'] n. Four bits; one {hex} digit;
   a half-byte.  Though `byte' is now techspeak, this useful relative
   is still jargon.  Compare {{byte}}, {crumb}, {tayste},
   {dynner}; see also {bit}, {nickle}, {deckle}.  Apparently
   this spelling is uncommon in Commonwealth Hackish, as British
   orthography suggests the pronunciation /ni:'bl/.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
NY cops go bar-hopping; LA cops go night-clubbing.
%%
Nyep, meybe later...
 -- trooper
%%
:nyetwork: /nyet'werk/ [from Russian `nyet' = no] n. A network,
   when it is acting {flaky} or is {down}.  Compare {notwork}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Nymphomaniac:  A girl that can only count up to sex...
%%
Nymphomaniac : a girl who trips you up
and is under you before you hit the floor.
%%
Nymphs and nurses like beautiful rings.
%%
Nymphs are blondes. Are you a gentleman?
%%
Nymphs have light fingers.
%%
NY Rangers...who gives a puck? 1994 and COUNTING...
%%
Nyssa: What is this mission of yours, father?   You're so changed by it.
[You look younger, but so cold.]
Master: Logopolis is a cold place, a cold high place looking over the
universe.
 -- Logopolis
%%
Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck! [POP!] Oooooooh, a wise guy!
%%
Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk
 -- Curly Howard
%%
   __O  1 day I'll kick it in the head.
  =`\<,  I'll wear flowers in my hair.
 (=)/(=) I'll forget everything I ever said.
         I'll walk this world whitout a care.
%%
OAG: The sound a telecomputing buff makes after opening the monthly phone bill.
Moral:  Ask not for whom the Bell tolls.
%%
   __O  All things (e.g. a camel's journey through
 =`\<,  A needle's eye) are possible, it's true.
(=)/(=) But picture how the camel feels, squeezed out
        In one long bloody thread, from tail to snout.
%%
   __O  Alone in the clouds all blue, lying on an eiderdown.
  =`\<,  Yippee!  You can't see me, but I can you.
 (=)/(=) Screaming through the starlit sky, travelling by telephone.
         Hey ho, here we go ,ever so high.
%%
   __O  An all I can say is that my lifes is pretty plain.
 =`\<,  You don't like my point of view, you think that I'm insane.
(=)/(=) It's not sane, it's not sane.
%%
OATH, n.  In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the
conscience by a penalty for perjury.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Oats: a grain which is commonly given to horses, but in Scotland supports
the people.
 -- Johnson, Definition Dictionary
%%
O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Obbligato Disclaimer: Tell `em Uncle Bob sez so!
%%
Obedience.  A religion of slaves.  A religion of intellectual death.  I like
it.  Don't ask questions, don't think, obey the Word of the Lord     -- as it
has been conveniently brought to you by a man in a Rolls with a heavy Rolex
on his wrist.  I like that job!  Where can I sign up?
 -- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU
%%
O bed! O bed! delicious bed!
That heaven upon earth to the weary head!
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Miss Kilmansegg, Her Dream
%%
O bei o brut se spusen tut.
[Beautiful or ugly, every one get married.]
 -- Dialectal Italian Proverb
%%
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Obituaries are the last writes.
%%
:obi-wan error: /oh'bee-won` er'*r/ [RPI, from `off-by-one' and
   the Obi-Wan Kenobi character in "Star Wars"] n. A loop of
   some sort in which the index is off by 1.  Common when the index
   should have started from 0 but instead started from 1.  A kind of
   {off-by-one error}.  See also {zeroth}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
OBJECT
  Another of those words which is very good an being fairly anonymous
  in its description of anything, and not actually meaning very much.
  Generally most useful when you want to describe something, but are
  unaware what the fuck it is.
      About as useful as "The definite article", which is not only
  stupid enough to be a definition which includes the word it's
  trying to define, but also includes the word "article", which means
  the same thing as object, yet nobody knows what it is. Which is
  pretty vague for something which is supposed to be "definite".
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:Objectionable-C: n. Hackish take on "Objective-C", the name of
   an object-oriented dialect of C in competition with the
   better-known C++ (it is used to write native applications on the
   NeXT machine).  Objectionable-C uses a Smalltalk-like syntax, but
   lacks the flexibility of Smalltalk method calls, and (like many
   such efforts) comes frustratingly close to attaining the {Right
   Thing} without actually doing so.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Objectivity increases in direct proportion to the distance from the problem.
%%
Objectivity is in the eyes of the beholder.
%%
Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.
 -- Joseph Pulitzer
%%
Object Oriented Programming?  We've been doing that for years...
When the customer objects to the way it works, we go program some more!
 -- Al Folsom
%%
Objects are lost because people look where they aren't
instead of where they are.
 -- Miller's Corollary
%%
Objects may be divided up in three categories: malfunctioning
objects, objects getting broken and objects getting lost.
 -- Russel Baker
%%
Objects which are usually the motives of our travels by land and by
sea are often overlooked and neglected if they lie under our eye....
We put off from time to time going and seeing what we know we have
an opportunity of seeing when we please.
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book viii, Letter xx, 1
%%
OBJET
  The same as "Object", but for the French and/or pretentious.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Obliged by hunger and request of friends.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 44
%%
OBLIVION, n.  The state or condition in which the wicked cease from
struggling and the dreary are at rest.  Fame's eternal dumping ground.
Cold storage for high hopes.  A place where ambitious authors meet
their works without pride and their betters without envy.  A dormitory
without an alarm clock.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Oblivion together does not frighten me, beloved.
 -- Thalassa (in Anne Mulhall's body), "Return to Tomorrow,"
       stardate 4770.3.
%%
:Ob-: /ob/ pref. Obligatory.  A piece of {netiquette}
   acknowledging that the author has been straying from the
   newsgroup's charter topic.  For example, if a posting in alt.sex is
   a response to a part of someone else's posting that has nothing
   particularly to do with sex, the author may append `ObSex' (or
   `Obsex') and toss off a question or vignette about some unusual
   erotic act.  It is considered a sign of great {winnitude} when
   one's Obs are more interesting than other people's whole postings.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Oboeists have TWO reeds.
%%
O'Brien: "Ah, I can still remember the aromas when mother was cooking."
Keiko: "She *cooked*?"
O'Brien: "She didn't believe in a replicator.  She thought real food was more
  nutritious."
Keiko: "She handled *real meat*?  She *touched* it and *cut* it?"
O'Brien: "Yeah, like a master chef.  She was fantastic!"
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
O'Brien: "At what point should I shut it down if there's a problem?"
Data: "I do not know.  I have never done this before."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
O'Brien: "But I'll make something special for you tonight.  You'll love it, I
  promise."
Keiko: "Okay.  Maybe I'll have something special for you tonight too."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
O'Brien: "But who I choose to spend my free time with...that's my business."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
O'Brien held up his left hand, its back toward Winston, with the
thumb hidden and the four fingers extended.
 "How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?"
  "Four."
       "And if the Party says that it is not four but five-- then how many?"
 "Four."
       The word ended in a gasp of pain.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950)
%%
O'Brien: "Isn't that what marriage is about...sharing?"
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
O'Brien: "'The minstrel boy to the war has gone,
         in the ranks of death you will find him.'"
Maxwell and O'Brien: "'His father's sword he hath girded on,
        and his wild harp slung behind him.
        Lands of songs said the warrior-bard,
        though all the world betrays thee.
        One sword at least thy rights shall guard,
        one faithful harp shall praise thee.'"
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
O'Brien: "The only people left alive were in an outlying district
of the  settlement.  I was sent there with a squad to reinforce them.
 Cardassians  were advancing on us.  Moving through the streets, destroying,
killing.  I was  with a group of women and children, and two Cardassian
soldiers burst in.  I  stunned one of them...the other one jumped
me.  We struggled.  One of the  women threw me a phaser, and I fired.
 The phaser was set at maximum.  The man  just...just incinerated
there before my eyes.  I'd never killed anything  before.  When I
was a kid I'd, I'd worry about swatting a mosquito.  It's not  you
I hate, Cardassian.  I hate what I became because of you."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
O'Brien: "Transport successful, sir."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
O'Brien: "What, wh...what is it?"
Keiko: "Kelp buds, plankton loaf, and sea berries."
O'Brien: "Oh.  Sweetheart, I'm not a fish."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
%%
Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.
%%
:obscure: adj. Used in an exaggeration of its normal meaning, to
   imply total incomprehensibility.  "The reason for that last crash
   is obscure."  "The `find(1)' command's syntax is obscure!"
   The phrase `moderately obscure' implies that something could be
   figured out but probably isn't worth the trouble.  The construction
   `obscure in the extreme' is the preferred emphatic form.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
OBSCURE IMPERIAL MEASUREMENTS
  DISTANCE
    43 miles = 1 goosefart
    7 inches = 1 wanger
    1/2 inch = 1 tadger
  VOLUME
    73 pints = 1 sloshedbloke
  FREQUENCY
    65000 hertz = a lot
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Obscurism:
 The practice of peppering daily life with obscure references
(forgotten films, dead TV stars, unpopular books, defunct countries,
etc.) as a subliminal means of showcasing both one's education and
one's wish to disassociate from the world of mass culture.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Obscurity is its own reward.
%%
Observation, not old age, brings wisdom.
%%
OBSERVATORY, n.  A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses
of their predecessors.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Observe all men; thyself most.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Observe always that everything is the result of a change, and get
used to thinking that there is nothing Nature loves so well as to
change existing forms and to make new ones like them.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 36
%%
Observe moderation. In all, the fitting season is best.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 694
%%
 Observe that for the programmer, as for the chef, the urgency of the
patron may govern the scheduled completion of the task, but it cannot
govern the actual completion. An omelette, promised in two minutes, may
appear to be progressing nicely. But when it has not set in two minutes,
the customer has two choices - wait or eat it raw.
  The cook has another choice; he can turn up the heat. The result is
often an omelette nothing can save - burned in one part, raw in another.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., 'The Mythical Man-Month'
%%
Observe the opportunity.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus iv, 20
%%
Observe your enemies, for they first find your faults.
 -- Greek proverb
%%
OBSESSED, p.p.  Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and
other critics.  Obsession was once more common than it is now.
Arasthus tells of a peasant who was occupied by a different devil for
every day in the week, and on Sundays by two.  They were frequently
seen, always walking in his shadow, when he had one, but were finally
driven away by the village notary, a holy man; but they took the
peasant with them, for he vanished utterly.  A devil thrown out of a
woman by the Archbishop of Rheims ran through the trees, pursued by a
hundred persons, until the open country was reached, where by a leap
higher than a church spire he escaped into a bird.  A chaplain in
Cromwell's army exorcised a soldier's obsessing devil by throwing the
soldier into the water, when the devil came to the surface.  The
soldier, unfortunately, did not.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Obsession is when you can't live without that person.
Infatuation is when you feel like you'll die when that person isn't
around you.
Love is when you feel that the person is always with you, even when
he/she isn't.
%%
OBSOLETE, adj.  No longer used by the timid.  Said chiefly of words.
A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter
an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer, but if it is a
good word and has no exact modern equivalent equally good, it is good
enough for the good writer.  Indeed, a writer's attitude toward
"obsolete" words is as true a measure of his literary ability as
anything except the character of his work.  A dictionary of obsolete
and obsolescent words would not only be singularly rich in strong and
sweet parts of speech; it would add large possessions to the
vocabulary of every competent writer who might not happen to be a
competent reader.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Obsolete designs outlast obsolete design engineers.
 -- Intel
%%
Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.
 -- E. Joseph Cossman
%%
Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off the goal.
 -- Hannah More
%%
OBSTINATE, adj.  Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the
splendor and stress of our advocacy.
    The popular type and exponent of obstinacy is the mule, a most
intelligent animal.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Obstruction. The southwest furthers.
The northeast does not further.
It furthers one to see the great man.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
%%
Obtain a brilliant assignment, but keep out of sight and out of the limelight.
%%
Obtain a gross of small white boxes such as are used for a bride's cake.
 Cut the turkey into small squares, roast, stuff, kill, boil, bake, and
 allow to skewer. Now we are ready to begin. Fill each box with a quantity
 of soup stock and pile in a handy place. As the liquid elapses, the
 prepared turkey is added until the guests arrive. The boxes, delicately
 tied with white ribbons, are then placed in the handbags of the ladies, or
 in the men's side pockets.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
Obviously, a man's judgement cannot be better than the information on which he
has based it. Give him the truth and he may still go wrong when he has
the chance to be right, but give him no news or present him only with distorted
and incomplete data, with ignorant, sloppy or biased reporting, with propaganda
and deliberate falsehoods, and you destroy his whole reasoning processes, and
make him something less than a man.
 -- Arthur Hays Sulzberger
%%
Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime.
 -- G. Gordon Liddy
%%
Obviously, if you join the National Guard, you have less of a chance of
going to Vietnam.  I mean it goes without saying.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle discussing his draft record on NBC's
 -- "Meet the Press," 9/20/92 (reported in the Houston Chronicle 9/21/92)
%%
Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
%%
Obviously, the person who said 'The more, The merrier' never had zits.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Obviously the subject of death was in the air, but more as something to
be avoided than harped upon.

Possibly the horror that Zaphod experienced at the prospect of being
reunited with his deceased relatives led on to the thought that they
might just feel the same way about him and, what's more, be able to do
something about helping to postpone this reunion.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
Obviousness is always the enemy of correctness.
 -- Betrand Russell
%%
O, call back yesterday, bid time return!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Occam was never the target of a conspiracy.
%%
OCCASIONAL, adj.  Afflicting us with greater or less frequency.  That,
however, is not the sense in which the word is used in the phrase
"occasional verses," which are verses written for an "occasion," such
as an anniversary, a celebration or other event.  True, they afflict
us a little worse than other sorts of verse, but their name has no
reference to irregular recurrence.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Occasional lapses of omniscience are the price I pay
for being implementable
%%
Occasionally, I have to think like myself to remember where I put something.
 -- Sue S. Taylor
%%
Occasionally you get some luck in pictures. More occasionally you have bad
 luck. If something happens that wasn't premeditated, photograph it.
 -- John Ford
%%
OCCIDENT, n.  The part of the world lying west (or east) of the
Orient.  It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of
the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating,
which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce."  These, also, are
the principal industries of the Orient.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Occluded Casements Forestall Inadvertent Defenestration.
%%
Occupational Slumming:
 Taking a job well beneath one's skill or education level as a
means of retreat from adult responsibilities and/or avoiding possible
failure in one's true occupation.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Occupation is the necessary basis of all enjoyment.
 -- Leigh Hunt
%%
Occupation is the scythe of time.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
OCEAN
  A large body of water between countries, which is probably the
  biggest peace-keeper in the world, preventing more countries from
  being permanently at each others' throats.
      Readers are advised when crossing oceans to always look both
  ways, and never walk on the water unless you are Christ. (Yeah
  look, I don't want to gloat or anything, but I did recently get a
  subscription request from a jc@heaven.rel)
      Once again, I apologise to any Christians reading this. (Of
  course, if I really cared, I wouldn't have written the last
  paragraph, would I.)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Ocean, n.:
    A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for
        man -- who has no gills.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.
%%
OCF     Open Circular File
%%
   __o
 _`\<,_   c greg pedal, c greg ride, c greg fall, poor greg.
(*)/ (*)
%%
O Christ! it is a goodly sight to see
What Heaven hath done for this delicious land.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 15
%%
O coward conscience, how dost thou afflict me!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
:octal forty: /ok'tl for'tee/ n. Hackish way of saying "I'm
   drawing a blank."  Octal 40 is the {{ASCII}} space character,
   0100000; by an odd coincidence, {hex} 40 (01000000) is the
   {{EBCDIC}} space character.  See {wall}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Octal is just a state of mind.
 -- Phil Gustafson
%%
October 12, the Discovery.
It was wonderful to find America, but it
would have been more wonderful to miss it.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks.
The others are July, January, September, April,
November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.
%%
Octopus:
        An eight sided cat.
%%
OCTOPUS
  Eight-legged sea creature that I just can't bring myself to eat.
  Even when I have the advantage over it that it's dead and I'm
  alive. And hungry. And sitting in a restaurant being offered food
  to eat. (See Order)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
   |
--(O)--    Cunning Cyclops Pike ( Or Nuclear Sub MK2 )
%%
  |
-O_--  Cunning Pike Winking
%%
O cursed ambition, thou devouring bird, how dost thou from the field of
honesty pick every grain of profit or delight, and mock the reaper's toil!
 -- Harvard
%%
O curse of marriage,
That we can call these delicate creatures ours,
And not their appetites! I had rather be a toad,
And live upon the vapour of a dungeon,
Than keep a corner in the thing I love
For others' uses.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
O dark, dark, dark, amid the blaze of noon,
Irrecoverably dark, total eclipse
Without all hope of day!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 80
%%
O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
ODD
  Odd things that you don't want people find in your house include:
     - that dead insurance salesman that you lost your rag at and
        buried under the stairs
     - the New Kids On The Block records that someone bought you as a
        joke
     - the fungus that is growing all over one side of the shower
     - all those Readers Digest metal tokens that you decided to keep
        because "they looked nice" when you opened the envelope just
        after downing forty-three consecutive stubbies
     - the (now dead) cat buried in the sofa that's been missing for
        three months, and which gives the livingroom that special
        aroma
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Odds life! must one swear to the truth of a song?
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- A Better Answer
%%
O Death the Healer, scorn thou not, I pray,
To come to me: of cureless ills thou art
The one physician. Pain lays not its touch
Upon a corpse.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Frag. 250 (trans. by Plumptre)
%%
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xv, 55
%%
Ode to Turbulent Flow:
 Big whirls have little whirls
 Which feed on their velocity,
 And little whirls have lesser whirls
 And so on, to viscosity.
 -- Lewis F. Richardson
%%
"Odious! in woollen! 't would a saint provoke,"
Were the last words that poor Narcissa spoke.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 246
%%
O Douglas, O Douglas!
Tendir and trewe.
 -- Sir Richard Holland
 -- The Buke of the Howlat, Stanza xxxi
%%
   __O  Do you see them coming through fields of snow
  =`\<,  One rides for a woman that has no name
 (=)/(=) One rides for a king, and
         One just rides and rides and rides, for the girl in the swing
%%
Oedipus was the first man to plug the generation gap.
%%
O eloquent, just, and mightie Death! whom none could advise, thou
hast perswaded; what none hath dared, thou hast done; and whom all
the world hath flattered, thou only hast cast out of the world and
despised. Thou hast drawne together all the farre stretched greatnesse,
all the pride, crueltie, and ambition of man, and covered it all over
with these two narrow words, Hic jacet!
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- Historie of the World, Book v, Part 1
%%
O'er bog or steep, through strait, rough, dense, or rare,
With head, hands, wings, or feet, pursues his way,
And swims or sinks, or wades, or creeps, or flies.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 948
%%
O'er her warm cheek and rising bosom move
The bloom of young Desire and purple light of Love.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Progress of Poesy, I, 3, Line 16
%%
O'er many a frozen, many a fiery Alp,
Rocks, caves, lakes, fens, bogs, dens, and shades of death.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 620
%%
O'er the glad waters of the dark blue sea,
Our thoughts as boundless, and our souls as free,
Far as the breeze can bear, the billows foam,
Survey our empire, and behold our home!
These are our realms, no limit to their sway,--
Our flag the sceptre all who meet obey.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto i, Stanza 1
%%
Of a good beginning cometh a good end.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
O fairest flower! no sooner blown but blasted,
Soft silken primrose fading timelessly.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Ode on the Death of a fair Infant, dying of a Cough
%%
O fair undress, best dress! it checks no vein,
But every flowing limb in pleasure drowns,
And heightens ease with grace.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Castle of Indolence, Canto i, Stanza 26
%%
Of all affliction taught a lover yet 'Tis sure the hardest science to forget.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
Of all bores, the worst is the sparkling bore.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Of all forces acting on man, change is the most beneficial and the most cruel.
%%
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
%%
Of all lies, art is the least untrue.
 -- Gustave Flaubert
%%
Of all mankind, each loves himself the best.
 -- Terence
%%
Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this:
to know so much and have control over nothing.
 -- Herodotus
%%
Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Of all of the delights in this world man cares most for sexual
intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the
reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest
amount of hot air.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Of all sexual aberrations, chastity is surely the strangest.
 -- Andre Gide
%%
Of all tales 't is the saddest,--and more sad,
Because it makes us smile.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xiii, Stanza 9
%%
Of all that writ, he was the wisest bard, who spoke this mighty truth
He that knew all that ever learning writ,
Knew only this  that he knew nothing yet.
 -- MRS. APHRA BEHN
%%
Of all the agonies of life, that which is most poignant and harrowing- that
which for the most time annihilates reason and leaves our whole organization
one lacerated, mangled heart- is the conviction that we have been
deceived where we placed all the trust of love.
 -- Bulwer
%%
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Of all the cants which are canted in this canting world, though the
cant of hypocrites may be the worst, the cant of criticism is the
most tormenting!
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Tristram Shandy, Vol. iii, Chap. xii
%%
Of all the causes which conspire to blind
Man's erring judgment, and misguide the mind;
What the weak head with strongest bias rules,--
Is pride, the never-failing vice of fools.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 1
%%
Of all the days that 's in the week
  I dearly love but one day,
And that 's the day that comes betwixt
  A Saturday and Monday.
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- Sally in our Alley
%%
Of all the floures in the mede,
Than love I most these floures white and rede,
Soch that men callen daisies in our toun.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Prologue of the Legend of Good Women, Line 41
%%
Of all the forces that make for a better world, none is so
indispensable, none so powerful, as hope.  Without hope men are only
half alive.  With hope they dream and think and work.
 -- Charles Sawyer
%%
Of all the girls that are so smart,
  There 's none like pretty Sally.
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- Sally in our Alley
%%
Of all the gods, Death only craves not gifts:
Nor sacrifice, nor yet drink-offering poured
Avails; no altars hath he, nor is soothed
By hymns of praise. From him alone of all
The powers of heaven Persuasion holds aloof.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Frag. 146 (trans. by Plumptre)
%%
Of all the passions that possess mankind, The love of novelty rules
most the mind; In search of this, from realm to realm we roam; Our
fleets come fraught with ev'ry folly home.
 -- Foote
%%
Of all the paths [that] lead to a woman's love
Pity 's the straightest.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Knight of Malta, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Of all the people I know, you're one of them.
%%
Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing
exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by
the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.
 -- Herman Melville (1819-1891)
%%
Of all the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them.
 -- Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago
%%
Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated out of
nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing--with "obscenity" and "indecent
exposure" fighting it out for second and third place.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the
 interchangeable parts.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
%%
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. So quit
wearing that silly face.
%%
Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
Of all the tyrants the world affords, Our own affections are the
fiercest lords.
 -- Earl of Sterling
%%
        Of all the varieties of virtues, liberalism is the
 most beloved.
 --                 --Aristotle
%%
Of all the words of witch's doom
There's none so bad as which and whom.
The man who kills both which and whom
Will be enshrined in our Who's Whom.
 -- Fletcher Knebel
%%
Of all those arts in which the wise excel,
Nature's chief masterpiece is writing well.
 -- Sheffield, Duke of Buckinghamshire (1649-1720)
 -- Essay on Poetry
%%
Of all tyrannies a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may
be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons
than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty
may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but
those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end
for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
 -- C.S. Lewis
%%
Of all U.S. Presidents, none lived to be older than Thomas Jefferson,
who died at the age of 91.
%%
Of all wild beasts preserve me from a tyrant; Of all tame- a flatterer.
 -- Johnson
%%
Of a rich man who was niggardly he said, "That man does not own his
estate, but his estate owns him."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Bion, iii
%%
O father Abram! what these Christians are,
Whose own hard dealings teaches them suspect
The thoughts of others!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
O father, what a hell of witchcraft lies
In the small orb of one particular tear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- A Lover's Complaint, Line 288
%%
Of course Artoo has been known to make mistakes...from time to time....
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
Of course, as I am sure all of you know, those who buy products for various
 adult book stores by the products by the gross.
%%
Of course he [God] will forgive me; that's his business.  [Bien sur, il me
pardonnera; c'est son metier.]
 -- Heinrich Heine, 1856.
%%
Of course he's dead--I killed him.
%%
Of course I am sure you all know by now that Kraft Foods is going to
 establish a factory in the Middle East. As a matter of fact, it is building
 the plant at this very time. In a place called Nazareth. It is going to
 market a new series of products called Cheeses of Nazareth. (Oh, I am sorry
 about that one. Smells like over-ripe limburger, whew!)
%%
Of course I am sure you have all heard of Ma and Pa Kettle getting bored
 with life and deciding to go on the new television program, Divorce Court.
 They even agreed to get a divorce, just to see how it would feel.
 Unfortunately, they did not prepare any dialogue, and so when the presiding
 judge asked them why they wanted to get a divorce, Pa simply said "Judge,
 it's her coffee. It'd be an improvement if she soaked her sox in it!"
 Without hesitation, the judge granted the divorce, acknowledging in doing
 so that he too was a coffee drinker. And so it came to pass that the
 divorce was granted on coffee grounds! (Sorry, really, about this, terribly
 in fact, but it was in and just had to come out!)
%%
Of course I can cook, but I never do it on the first date.
%%
Of course I despise money when I haven't got any. It's
the only dignified thing to do.
%%
Of course, if the government did commission the design of a new comb, it
 would be a classified secret and the costs would be astronomical.
%%
Of course, if you wanted it to be, it could be, and there is nothing I
 could do about this...
%%
Of course I'm arrogant. The best usually are.
%%
Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill.
 -- Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wison
%%
Of course I'm happily married.  She's happy, and I'm married.
%%
Of course I'm running Windows ... [kVxB NO CARRIER
%%
Of course it belongs to me, I'm a communist.
%%
Of course, it's only a theory.
%%
Of course it's possible to write good fiction in a
world you didn't invent--mainstream writers do it now and then.
%%
Of course it's the murder weapon.   Who would frame someone with a fake?
%%
Of course, kick a man when he's down. It's the best time. If you're not willing
to kick him when he's down, then don't kick him when he's up either.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Of course...lager...the only thing that can kill a vindaloo.
 -- Lister, fighting the vindaloo monster
                in Red Dwarf 'DNA'
%%
Of course, long before you mature, most of you will be eaten.
%%
Of course my job looks easy--I'm doing it
%%
Of course, now I am too old to be much of a fisherman, and now of
course I usually fish the big waters alone, although some friends think
I shouldn't.  Like many fly fishermen in western Montana where the
summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing
until the cool of the evening.  Then in the Arctic half-light of the
canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and
memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count
rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise.
%%
Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power tools aren't
soluble in alcohol...
 -- Crazy Nigel
%%
Of course, someone who knows more about this will correct me if I'm wrong,
 and someone who knows less will correct me if I'm right.
 -- David Palmer (palmer@tybalt.caltech.edu)
%%
Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
%%
Of course the US Constitution isn't perfect; but it's a lot better
than what  we have now.
 -- Eric Sheppard
%%
Of course the whole point of the Dooms Day Machine is lost if you keep
 it a secret!    Why didn't you tell the world??
 -- Dr. Strangelove
%%
Of course, this is a, this is a Hunt, you will -- that will uncover a
 lot of things.   You open that scab, there's a hell of a lot of things...
 This involves these Cubans, Hunt, and a lot of hanky-panky that we have
 nothing to do with ourselves.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon, 6/23/72
%%
Of course this is true for more general values of 5.
 -- Cambridge University Math Dept.
%%
Of course, you all know about ham and eggs. The pig invests for life, but
 the chicken keeps coming back for an encore performance.
%%
Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon.
After a while you run out of air to push against.
%%
Of course you have a purpose--to find a purpose.
%%
Of course, you know what your great discovery means, don't you Percy?
Perhaps, my lord...
That you, Percy, Lord Percy...are an utter _berk_.
 -- Edmund and Percy : Money
%%
Of course you realize this means war!
 -- Bugs Bunny
%%
Of course you're confused - you're wearing my underwear.
%%
Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Of, excuse me, I though I was someone else for a moment.
%%
:off-by-one error: n. Exceedingly common error induced in many
   ways, such as by starting at 0 when you should have started at 1 or
   vice-versa, or by writing `< N' instead of `<= N' or
   vice-versa.  Also applied to giving something to the person next to
   the one who should have gotten it.  Often confounded with
   {fencepost error}, which is properly a particular subtype of it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Offense is a human emotion.
 -- Sarek of Vulcan, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.3.
%%
Offenses ought to be pardoned, for few offend willingly, but as they are
compelled by come affection.
 -- Hegesippus
%%
OFFENSIVE, adj.  Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as
the advance of an army against its enemy.
    "Were the enemy's tactics offensive?" the king asked.  "I stould
say so!" replied the unsuccessful general.  "The blackguard wouldn't
come out of his works!"
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Office Automation, n.:
   The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone
you would want to talk with over coffee.
%%
Office employees will daily sweep the floors, dust the
furniture, shelves, and showcases.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Office of Redundant Tautologies Department.
Why say it once when you can repeat yourself with pointless
verbose rewordings reiterating what it was you already said.
 -- Pyotr
%%
Officer: "Sir, the mains are back online."
Kirk: "Bless you, Scotty.  Go Sulu!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Officer: "Sorry to wake you, sir."
Sulu: "What is it?"
Officer: "Starfleet urgently requests any data we have on the whereabouts of
  Enterprise."
Sulu: "What?"
Officer: "Apparently, they're refusing to acknowledge signal to return to
  Spacedock."
Sulu: "Signal Starfleet that...we have no idea location, Enterprise."
Officer: "Sir?"
Sulu: "You having hearing problems, Mister?"
Officer: "No, sir."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
Officials advance subordinates, not rivals.
 -- Cyril Northcote Parkinson
%%
:offline: adv. Not now or not here.  "Let's take this
   discussion offline."  Specifically used on {USENET} to suggest
   that a discussion be moved off a public newsgroup to email.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
OFF LINE - failure to pass a sobriety test.
%%
Off-Line:
Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband upon being
phoned at 9pm to come in because system just crashed.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
:off the trolley: adj. Describes the behavior of a program that
   malfunctions and goes catatonic, but doesn't actually {crash} or
   abort.  See {glitch}, {bug}, {deep space}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Off to one side a great many dwarves are sleeping on the floor,
snoring loudly.  A sign nearby reads: "Do not disturb the dwarves!"
%%
Off to one side lies a glistening pearl!
%%
"Off to the Market" by Tobias A. Pigg
%%
off width crack: remark made in a smartass manner.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Off with his head!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Of good natural parts and of a liberal education.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
OF GREAT THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL IMPORTANCE
interesting to me
 -- Research definitions
%%
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Of harmes two the lesse is for to cheese.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Troilus and Creseide, Book ii, Line 470
%%
Of joys departed,
Not to return, how painful the remembrance!
 -- Robert Blair (1699-1747)
 -- The Grave, Part i, Line 109
%%
Of Law there can be no less acknowledged than that her seat is the
bosom of God, her voice the harmony of the world. All things in heaven
and earth do her homage,--the very least as feeling her care, and
the greatest as not exempted from her power.
 -- Richard Hooker (1553-1600)
 -- Ecclesiastical Polity, Book i
%%
O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Of love that never found his earthly close,
What sequel? Streaming eyes and breaking hearts;
Or all the same as if he had not been?
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Love and Duty
%%
Of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness
of the flesh.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xii, 12
%%
Of manners gentle, of affections mild;
In wit a man, simplicity a child.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epitaph on Gay
%%
Of Man's first disobedience, and the fruit
Of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste
Brought death into the world, and all our woe.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 1
%%
Of my merit
  On thet pint you yourself may jedge;
All is, I never drink no sperit,
  Nor I haint never signed no pledge.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. vii
%%
Of no distemper, of no blast he died,
But fell like autumn fruit that mellow'd long,--
Even wonder'd at, because he dropp'd no sooner.
Fate seem'd to wind him up for fourscore years,
Yet freshly ran he on ten winters more;
Till like a clock worn out with eating time,
The wheels of weary life at last stood still.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Oedipus, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Prologue
%%
Of seeming arms to make a short essay,
Then hasten to be drunk,--the business of the day.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Cymon and Iphigenia, Line 407
%%
Of some men we should not say that they fear God, but that they are afraid of
Him.
%%
Of surpassing beauty and in the bloom of youth.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act i, Sc. 1, 45, (72.)
%%
Often enough, statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive,
but what they concel is vital. Don't put any faith in what statistics tell
you until you have carefully examined what these statistics do not tell you.
 -- Aaron Levenstein
%%
Often enough, television is just one vacuum tube watching another.
%%
Often enough, the impossible and the untried are one and the same.
%%
Often enough, what it takes to maintain one vice is enough money to raise
 two children.
%%
Often I think I am a special agent of Billy Graham.
%%
Often it is fatal to live too long.
 --  Racine
%%
Often it is not even advantageous to know what will be.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Often it takes as much courage to resist as it does to go ahead.
%%
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have
more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want,
so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.
 You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do,
in order to have what you want.
 -- Margaret Young
%%
Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts- for support
rather than illumination.
%%
Often the prickly thorn produces tender roses.
 -- Ovid
%%
Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.
 -- Conte Vittorio Alfieri
%%
Often the young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these
formalities as "empty", "meaningless", or dishonest", and scorn to use them.
No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that
does not work to well at best.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Often things ARE as bad as they seem!
%%
Often times, the best armor we have is keeping out of range.
%%
Often when he was looking on at auctions he would say, "How many things
there are which I do not need!"
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Socrates, x
%%
Oft expectation fails, and most oft there
Where most it promises.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Oft has it been my lot to mark
A proud, conceited, talking spark.
 -- James Merrick (1720-1769)
 -- The Chameleon
%%
Oft hath even a whole city reaped the evil fruit of a bad man.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 240
%%
Of the 500 or so films a year from all the
 Hollywood sources during [the height of the studio
 system] -- and I saw many of them when they were
 released, some of them much more recently -- I
 estimate that about two percent are worth the time
 of a cultivated viewer today.
 -- Stanley Kauffmann
%%
Of the king's creation you may be; but he who makes a count ne'er made a man.
 -- Thomas Southerne (1660-1746)
 -- Sir Anthony Love, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
... of the many who beseech the Goddess to send them love, so few
will accept it when it comes, because it has come in what they consider
the wrong shape, or the wrong size, or at the wrong time.  Against our
prejudices, even the Goddess strives in vain.
 -- Diane Duane, DOOR INTO FIRE
%%
Of the sparkling wines, the most famous in Perth Pink. This is a bottle
    with a message in it and the message is 'beware.'  This is not a wine
  for drinking; this is a wine for lying down and avoiding.
 -- Australian Table Wine Assoc.
%%
Of the two classic certainties, death and taxes, death is preferable. At
 least you're not called in six months later for an audit.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Of the various executive abilities, no one excited more anxious concern
than that of placing the interests of our fellow-citizens in the hands
of honest men, with understanding sufficient for their stations.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- Letter to Elias Shipman and others of New Haven, July 12, 1801
%%
Of this stamp is the cant of, Not men, but measures.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontent, Vol. i, p. 531
%%
Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
 -- Thomas Neill
%%
Oft in the stilly night,
  Ere slumber's chain has bound me,
Fond memory brings the light
  Of other days around me;
    The smiles, the tears,
    Of boyhood's years,
The words of love then spoken;
    The eyes that shone
    Now dimmed and gone,
The cheerful hearts now broken.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Oft in the Stilly Night
%%
Oft seen in forehead of the frowning skies.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Day
%%
Oft times nothing profits more
Than self-esteem, grounded on just and right
Well manag'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 571
%%
Of two evils choose to be the least.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Of two evils, the less is always to be chosen.
 -- Thomas a Kempis (1380-1471)
 -- Imitation of Christ, Book iii, Chap. 12
%%
Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
%%
# of Vulcans needed to replace a bulb? Precisely 1.0000000
%%
Of what I call God,
And fools call Nature.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Ring and the Book, The Pope, Line 1073
%%
Of what importance is mere money -
 when there are worlds to be conquered -
 people to be enslaved?
 -- Doctor Doom
%%
Of what use are forms, seeing at times they are empty? Of the same
use as barrels, which are at times empty too.
 -- Hare
%%
Of what use is genius, if the organ is too convex or too concave and
cannot find
a focal distance within the actual horizon of human life.
 -- Emerson
%%
Of what use is political liberty to those who have no bread?  It is of
value only to ambitious theorists and politicians.
 -- Jean Paul Marat (1743-1793)
%%
Of what you see in books, believe 75%.  Of newspapers, believe 50%.
And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a
blazer.
%%
Of which all Europe rings from side to side.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Sonnet xxii, To Cyriac Skinner
%%
Of which, if thou be a severe, sour-complexioned man, then I here
disallow thee to be a competent judge.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Author's Preface
%%
Of whom the world was not worthy.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews xi, 38
%%
Of whom to be disprais'd were no small praise.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iii, Line 56
%%
   __O  Get one man to ride his bycicle
  =`\<,  and there is hope for the human race
 (=)/(=)
 -- A.A.M. van Gulik
%%
:ogg: /og/ [CMU] v. 1. In the multi-player space combat game
   Netrek, to execute kamikaze attacks against enemy ships which are
   carrying armies or occupying strategic positions.  Named during a
   game in which one of the players repeatedly used the tactic while
   playing Orion ship G, showing up in the player list as "Og".
   This trick has been roundly denounced by those who would return to
   the good old days when the tactic of dogfighting was dominant, but
   as Sun Tzu wrote, "What is of supreme importance in war is to
   attack the enemy's strategy."  However, the traditional answer to
   the newbie question "What does ogg mean?" is just "Pick up some
   armies and I'll show you."  2. In other games, to forcefully
   attack an opponent with the expectation that the resources expended
   will be renewed faster than the opponent will be able to regain his
   previous advantage.  Taken more seriously as a tactic since it has
   gained a simple name.  3. To do anything forcefully, possibly
   without consideration of the drain on future resources.  "I guess
   I'd better go ogg the problem set that's due tomorrow."  "Whoops!
   I looked down at the map for a sec and almost ogged that oncoming
   car."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
O give me a home,
Where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word,
'Cause what can an antelope say?
%%
O give me the sweet shady side of Pall Mall!
 -- Charles Morris (1739-1832)
 -- Town and Country
%%
O God! it is a fearful thing
To see the human soul take wing
In any shape, in any mood.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Prisoner of Chillon, Stanza 8
%%
O God! that bread should be so dear,
  And flesh and blood so cheap!
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Song of the Shirt
%%
O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
O, good old man, how well in thee appears
The constant service of the antique world,
When service sweat for duty, not for meed!
Thou art not for the fashion of these times,
Where none will sweat but for promotion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
O gracious God! how far have we
Profan'd thy heavenly gift of poesy!
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Elegy on Mrs. Killegrew, Line 56
%%
O great corrector of enormous times,
Shaker of o'er-rank states, thou grand decider
Of dusty and old titles, that healest with blood
The earth when it is sick, and curest the world
O' the pleurisy of people!
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Two Noble Kinsmen, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Oh, a dainty plant is the ivy green,
  That creepeth o'er ruins old!
Of right choice food are his meals, I ween,
  In his cell so lone and cold.
Creeping where no life is seen,
  A rare old plant is the ivy green.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Pickwick Papers, Chap. vi
%%
O Hamlet, what a falling-off was there!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Oh, Amos Cottle! Phoebus! what a name!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, Line 399
%%
Oh Amy, I shall never forget you...never...ever...never...ever...
  ...Right. What's for breakfast?
 -- George : Amy and Amiability
%%
Oh and sir, you're wrong.  We won't be apart.  We just won't be together.
I cannot believe I just said that.
 -- Rimmer, talking about Nirvana in Red Dwarf 'Holoship'
%%
        Oh and tell the cook that this is low-grade dog food alright?
         ...Jeez, my steak's still got marks where the jockey was hittin him!
 -- Caddyshack
%%
Oh? And which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo?
  Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?
 -- Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
O happiness! our being's end and aim!
Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate'er thy name:
That something still which prompts the eternal sigh,
For which we bear to live, or dare to die.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 1
%%
O happy earth,
Whereon thy innocent feet doe ever tread!
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto i, St. 9
%%
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
%%
Oh, baby, you knnooow what I LIKE!
%%
Oh backup Boy!  Bring your tape drive over here and back up my flashy new disk
drive now, won't you? I have a luncheon to attend to! - please send weapons
%%
Oh beautiful, for smoggy skies, o'er insecticide waves of grain, and
 strip-mined mountain's majesty, above the asphalt plains!   America,
 America, man sheds his waste on thee!  And hides the pines, with
 billboard signs, from sea to oily sea!
 -- George Carlin (?)
%%
Oh, blest with temper whose unclouded ray
Can make to-morrow cheerful as to-day!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 257
%%
Oh Boy!
%%
Oh boy, virtual memory! Now I'm gonna make myself a REALLY BIG ram disk!
 -- lennox@shire.hw.stratus.com
%%
Oh, breathe not his name! let it sleep in the shade,
Where cold and unhonour'd his relics are laid,
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Oh breathe not his Name
%%
Oh call it by some better name,
  For friendship sounds too cold.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Oh call it by some better Name
%%
Oh, call my brother back to me!
  I cannot play alone:
The summer comes with flower and bee,--
  Where is my brother gone?
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- The Child's First Grief
%%
Oh, come, come, sir - now, you can't deny that this newspaper is good
  for the morale of the men?
Certainly not. I just feel more could be achieved by giving them some
  _real_ toilet paper.
 -- George and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
'Oh, come now, stop delaying the inevitable.' says Death.
%%
"Oh, come ON!  A one-man religion?"
  "There is no other kind."
 -- From THE QUESTION
%%
Oh come on Edmund, you _must_ be able to think of another best man...
...Well, I suppose I _could_ ask Percy...Percy?
(excited) My lord?
Can you think of another best man?
 -- Queenie, Edmund and Percy : Bells
%%
Oh, come on.   If you can't laugh at the walking dead, who can you
   laugh at?
 -- Dan Fielding, Night Court
%%
Oh, come on Mr.B., it's not as if we're all going to get murdered
  or anything the minute you leave, is it?
...Hope springs eternal, Baldrick.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Oh, could I flow like thee, and make thy stream
My great example, as it is my theme!
Though deep, yet clear; though gentle, yet not dull;
Strong without rage; without o'erflowing, full.
 -- Sir John Denham (1615-1668)
 -- Cooper's Hill, Line 189
%%
Oh could I fly, I 'd fly with thee!
  We 'd make with joyful wing
Our annual visit o'er the globe,
  Companions of the spring.
 -- John Logan (1748-1788)
 -- To the Cuckoo
%%
Oh, could you view the melody
  Of every grace
  And music of her face,
You 'd drop a tear;
  Seeing more harmony
  In her bright eye
Than now you hear.
 -- Richard Lovelace (1618-1658)
 -- Orpheus to Beasts
%%
Oh Dad!  We're ALL Devo!
%%
Oh "darkly, deeply, beautifully blue!"
  As some one somewhere sings about the sky.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 110
%%
Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again.
 -- Marvin The Paranoid Android
%%
Oh dear, I've gone and inflated my ego.
%%
Oh dear, now I've made a terrible mess of things.   And all I wanted to do was
 rule the universe.
 -- Dr. Zachary Smith
%%
Oh dear, you seem to have gotten yourself killed.  I might be able to
help you out, but I've never really done this before.  Do you want me to
try to reincarnate you?
%%
"Oh, don't give me none more of that Old Janx Spirit
No, don't you give me none more of that Old Janx Spirit
    For my head will fly
    My tongue will lie
    My eyes will fry
    And I may die
Won't you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit."
            (an ancient Orion mining song)
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Oh, don't mind the tree monsters.  Their bark is worse than their bite.
 -- The Winter Warlock, in _Santa Claus is Comin' to Town_
%%
Oh don't the days seem lank and long
When all goes right and none goes wrong,
And isn't your life extremely flat
With nothing whatever to grumble at!
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
I muck with indices and structs all day
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay.
%%
O hearts that break and give no sign
  Save whitening lip and fading tresses!
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Voiceless
%%
O Heaven! he cried, my bleeding country save!
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part i, Line 359
%%
O Heaven, that such companions thou 'ldst unfold,
And put in every honest hand a whip
To lash the rascals naked through the world!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
O heaven! were man
But constant, he were perfect.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Oh, Edmund, you're so naughty!
I try, madam...and then ten minutes later, when I've got my breath
  back, I try again...
 -- Queenie and Edmund : Chains
%%
O, hell! to choose love by another's eyes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Oh, ever thus, from childhood's hour,
  I 've seen my fondest hopes decay;
I never loved a tree or flower
  But 't was the first to fade away.
I never nurs'd a dear gazelle,
  To glad me with its soft black eye,
But when it came to know me well
  And love me, it was sure to die.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Fire-Worshippers
%%
Oh, fear not in a world like this,
  And thou shalt know erelong,--
Know how sublime a thing it is
  To suffer and be strong.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Light of Stars
%%
Oh for a forty-parson power!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto x, Stanza 34
%%
Oh for a lodge in some vast wilderness,
Some boundless contiguity of shade,
Where rumour of oppression and deceit,
Of unsuccessful or successful war,
Might never reach me more.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 1
%%
Oh for a seat in some poetic nook,
Just hid with trees and sparkling with a brook!
 -- Leigh Hunt (1784-1859)
 -- Politics and Poetics
%%
Oh for a tongue to curse the slave
  Whose treason, like a deadly blight,
Comes o'er the councils of the brave,
  And blasts them in their hour of might!
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Fire-Worshippers
%%
Oh for one hour of blind old Dandolo,
The octogenarian chief, Byzantium's conquering foe!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 12
%%
Oh for the wings of any bird, other than a battery hen...
%%
"Oh frabjous day, calloo, callay" he chortled in his joy.
%%
Oh, fuck! You did it just like I told you to!
%%
Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam--and I'll show you a house full
 of dirt.
 -- Marty Allen
%%
Oh, God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.
 -- Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
"Oh, God, if I were sure I were to die tonight I would
repent at once." It is the commonest prayer in all
languages.
 -- James M. Barrie, "Sentimental Tommy"
%%
Oh God ... I'm *shot* ... Hey ... *wait* a second ... I'm
 *okay* ... Wow!   This is *cool!  Bullets don't hurt me!
 -- Superboy,   #2 of SUPERBOY THE COMIC BOOK (based on the TV series)
%%
Oh God, I'm so depressed...
%%
Oh God! It's another disease! And you'd just gotten over the last.
%%
Oh god, now the mafia's after us!
-Elwood
 -- "The Blues Brothers"
%%
Oh, go go away! Why don't you live with a gazelle?
%%
Oh, go lick a skunk's crotch!
%%
Oh good gray head which all men knew!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Ode on the Death of the Duke of Wellington, Stanza 4
%%
Oh gracious, why wasn't I born old and ugly?
 -- Dickens
%%
Oh! greatness! thou art a flattering dream, A wat'ry bubble, lighter
than the air.
 -- Tracy
%%
Oh honey, this is just the beginning.   Stick with me and we'll claw our way
 to the top.
 -- John Water's Hairspray
%%
Oh, how absolutely typical of your species!  You don't understand
  something so you become fearful.
 -- Trelane, "The Squire of Gothos," stardate 2124.5.
%%
Oh! how many torments lie in the small circle of a wedding ring.
 -- Colley Cibber
%%
Oh, I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
 be irresponsible, too.
 -- Lichty & Wagner
%%
Oh, I get it!!  ``The BEACH goes on,'' huh, SONNY??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Oh, I have roamed o'er many lands,
  And many friends I 've met;
Not one fair scene or kindly smile
  Can this fond heart forget.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- Oh, steer my Bark to Erin's Isle
%%
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
 And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings.
 -- John Gillespie Magee
%%
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds,--and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of--Wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence.  Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air...

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark or even eagle flew--
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
 -- John Gillespie Magee, Jr. (1922-1941)
                       "High Flight" (1941)
%%
Oh, I'm so happy for you!
%%
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm inuspeptic, frasmotic...even compunctious
  to have caused you such pericumbobulations.
 -- Edmund to Dr. Johnson : Ink and Incapability
%%
Oh, intercourse the penguin!
 -- Monty Python
%%
Oh!   I thought that was a parrot!.    No, no... They turn that color.
%%
Oh, it makes me sort of sad
To think about Sir Galahad
And all the knights of that romantic day:
To amuse a girl and charm her
They would climb into their armour
And jump into the fray:
They called her 'Lady love',
They used to wear her little glove,
And everything that she said went:
For those were the days when a lady was a lady
And a gent was a perfect gent.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon, we have the stars.
%%
Oh John, let's not park here.
 Oh John, let's not park.
 Oh John, let's not.
 Oh John, let's.
 Oh John.
 Oh.
%%
Oh joy! Oh rapture!
%%
        Oh Lady of Blessed Acceleration don't fail me now!
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
Oh, leave the poor unhappy bird alone.
%%
Oh leave this barren spot to me!
Spare, woodman, spare the beechen tree!
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- The Beech-Tree's Petition
%%
Oh, let's face it.  I'm just not that bright.
 -- Homer
%%
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
  A medley of extemporanea;
  And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
  And I am Marie of Roumania.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Oh, listen to them, Artoo; they're dying!
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
Oh look, there's a little ring round its leg - there's a novelty!
Oh really? Is there a paper hat as well?
 -- Baldrick and George : Corporal Punishment
%%
Oh Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
 -- St. Augustine (A.D. 354-430)
%%
Oh, Lord, it's hard to be humble,
 When you're perfect in ev-er-y way,
 I cain't wait to look iin the mirror,
 I git better lookin' each day.
 To know me is to love me,
 I must be a haaiil of a man,
 Oh, Lord, it's hard to be humble,
 But Ah'm doin' the best that Ah cain.
 -- The Muppet Show
%%
Oh, Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all have Porsches; I must make amends.
 -- Janis Joplin
%%
Oh...Mercy, Mercy me....
%%
Oh Mr. Belpit, your legs are so swollen!
 -- Monty Python
%%
Oh my!  An `inflammatory attitude' in alt.flame?  Never heard of such
a thing...
 -- Allen Gwinn, allen@sulaco.Sigma.COM
%%
Oh, my, but that little country boy could play ...
 go, go, go, Johnny, go ... go, go, Johnny B. Goode
 -- Chuck Berry
%%
Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts.
It's what you do with what you have left.
 -- Hubert Humphrey
%%
Oh, my God!  ARTHUR, I HAVE POCKETS!
%%
Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Oh, my luve 's like a red, red rose,
  That 's newly sprung in June;
Oh, my luve 's like the melodie
  That 's sweetly played in tune.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- A Red, Red Rose
%%
Oh never star
Was lost here but it rose afar.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Waring, ii
%%
Oh, Nicky, you're such a tool.
%%
        oh no godzilla
guns and planes cannot stop him
       tokyo is ablaze
 -- haiku from Effector Online, Volume 1, Number 6
%%
OH NO, NOT AGAIN!!!!!
%%
"Oh no, not again" - a bowl of petunias, aka Agrajag.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Oh no not me, I never lost control.  You're face to face with the man who sold
the world.
 -- David Bowie
%%
Oh no, not the triple contact electro-magnet.
%%
Oh, no!   There goes Tokyo!  Go, go, Godzilla!
 -- Blue Oyster Cult
%%
Oh no! we never mention her,--
  Her name is never heard;
My lips are now forbid to speak
  That once familiar word.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- Oh no! we never mention her
%%
Oh no, you don't want my signature.  I'm unemployed. I'm out of a job.
 -- Former president George Bush to an autograph seeker.
%%
Oh no! You encounter the DREADED AQUAE MORTIS...
The DREADED AQUAE MORTIS throttles you within inches....
but for some reason chooses to let you escape.
%%
Oh, no!  You walked into the slavering fangs of a lurking grue.
%%
Oh oh!  No more buttered scones for me, Mater,
I'm off to play the grand piano!
 -- Monty Python
%%
O, how full of briers is this working-day world!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
O, how this spring of love resembleth
The uncertain glory of an April day!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Oh, Picard, I will enjoy you morning, noon and night.
%%
Oh pilot, 't is a fearful night!
  There 's danger on the deep.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- The Pilot
%%
Oh, pity human woe!
'T is what the happy to the unhappy owe.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vii, Line 198
%%
Oh, rather give me commentators plain,
Who with no deep researches vex the brain;
Who from the dark and doubtful love to run,
And hold their glimmering tapers to the sun.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- The Parish Register, Part i, Introduction
%%
Oh Really.
 Lucy
%%
Oh, screw you! You want an easy computer to use, go by a Mac. This operating
system is user fiendly, not user friendly, and it's going to stay that way!!
%%
Oh, shame to men! devil with devil damn'd
Firm concord holds, men only disagree
Of creatures rational.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 496
%%
Oh! Sheer ecstasy!
%%
Oh SH*T!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Oh, sir, just one thing. If we _should_ happen to tread on a mine, what
  do we do?
...Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump two hundred feet in
  the air, and scatter yourself over a wide area.
 -- George and Edmund : Captain Cook
 -- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
%%
Oh, sons of earth! attempt ye still to rise, By mountains pil'd on
mountains to the skies? Heaven still with laughter the vain toil
surveys, And buries madmen in the heaps they raise.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
...Oh, so you _do_ know her then?
...No, just a wild stab in the dark, which is incidentally...what
  you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful.
 -- Crone and Edmund : Bells
%%
Oh, so you're defending yourself, you coward!
 -- Joel Cairo (Peter Lorre), "The Maltese Falcon"
%%
Oh, squirt.
%%
Oh stay! oh stay!
Joy so seldom weaves a chain
Like this to-night, that oh 't is pain
  To break its links so soon.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Fly not yet
%%
Oh sure, this costume may look silly, but it lets me get in and out of
dangerous situations -- I work for a federal task force doing a survey on urban
crime. Look, here's my ID, and here's a number you can call, that will put you
through to our central base in Atlanta. Go ahead, call -- they'll confirm who
I am... Unless, of course, the Astro-Zombies have destroyed it.
 -- Captain Freedom, "Hill Street Blues"
%%
Oh Tasha, See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me
%%
Oh, that bright day in the dead of night,
Two dead men got up to fight.
Three blind men to see fair play,
Forty mutes to yell "Hooray"!
Back to back, they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and arrested those two dead boys.
%%
Oh that I had in the wilderness a lodging-place of wayfaring men!
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah ix, 2
%%
Oh that I had wings like a dove!
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lv, 6
%%
Oh that it were my chief delight
  To do the things I ought!
Then let me try with all my might
  To mind what I am taught.
 -- Jane Taylor (1783-1824)
 -- For a Very Little Child
%%
Oh that my words were now written! oh that they were printed in a book!
 -- Job xix. 23
%%
Oh, that sound of male ego.  You travel halfway across the galaxy
  and it's still the same song.
 -- Eve McHuron, "Mudd's Women," stardate 1330.1.
%%
Oh that the desert were my dwelling-place,
With one fair spirit for my minister,
That I might all forget the human race,
And hating no one, love but only her!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 177
%%
Oh that those lips had language! Life has pass'd
With me but roughly since I heard thee last.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- On the Receipt of my Mother's Picture
%%
Oh, that way madness lies; let me shun that.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Oh, the agony of delete!
%%
Oh, the gallant fisher's life!
  It is the best of any;
'T is full of pleasure, void of strife,
  And 't is beloved by many.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Angler
%%
Oh their Rafael of the dear Madonnas,
Oh their Dante of the dread Inferno,
Wrote one song--and in my brain I sing it;
Drew one angel--borne, see, on my bosom!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- One Word More, xix
%%
Oh, the little birds sang east, and the little birds sang west.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Toll slowly
%%
Oh, the roast beef of England,
And old England's roast beef!
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- The Grub Street Opera, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Oh, these vast, calm, measureless mountain days, inciting at once to work
and rest! Days in whose light everything seems equally divine, opening a
thousand windows to show us God. Nevermore, however weary, should one faint
by the way who gains the blessings of one mountain day; whatever his fate,
long life, short life, stormy or calm, he is rich forever.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Oh this age!  How tasteless and ill-bred it is.
 -- Gaius Valerius Catullus
%%
Oh, to be back at Tara now that spring is here!
%%
Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was
when he was small,
and only half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.
 -- Rebecca Richards
%%
Oh wad some power the giftie gie us
To see oursel's as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
And foolish notion.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- To a Louse
%%
Oh, weep for the hour
When to Eveleen's bower
The lord of the valley with false vows came.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Eveleen's Bower
%%
Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
%%
Oh well, let's get on with it.
(They stand against the wall and prepare to pass water into the mugs)
(Caption: Ten minutes later)
...It's always the same isn't it. You get all keyed up and then you
  do anything...
 -- Edmund : Potato
%%
Oh, we 're a' noddin', nid, nid, noddin';
Oh, we 're a' noddin' at our house at hame.
 -- Lady Nairne (1766-1845)
 -- We 're a' Noddin'
%%
Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day!
%%
Oh what a crummy life, I got living here.
%%
Oh, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful
In the contempt and anger of his lip!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Oh what a fate worse than death it is to be strapped to the back
of a Wookiee!
 -- C-3PO
%%
Oh, what a fool I've been, to come looking for courage in a lair of cowards.
 -- Setal/Jarok, "The Defector", stardate 43462.5
%%
Oh! What fun this is!
%%
Oh, what is so rare as a full day's work in June?
 -- Baldwin Sells
%%
Oh, what tangled webs we weave
When we first practice to deceive.
 -- Sir Walter Scott, Marmion
%%
Oh! What timber,....These trees...these forests of trees...
so enchain the sense of the beautiful that I linger on the
theme and am loth to depart. Forests in which you cannot ride
a horse...in which you cannot possibly recover game you have
shot without the help of a good retriever...forests into which
you cannot see, and which are almost dark under a bright midday
sun...such forests, containing firs, cedars, pine, spruce and
hemlock, envelop Puget Sound and cover a large part of the
Washington Territory, surpassing the woods of all the rest of
globe in the size, quantity and quality of the timber....
...monarchs to whom all worshipful men inevitably lift their
hats.
 -- Samuel Wilkeson.....1869
%%
Oh what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face...
 -- a prisoner in Life of Brian
%%
Oh, when I was in love with you,
Then I was clean and brave,
And miles around the wonder grew
How well did I behave.

And now the fancy passes by,
And nothing will remain,
And miles around they'll say that I
Am quite myself again.
 -- A. E. Housman
%%
Oh whistle, and I 'll come to ye, my lad.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Whistle, and I 'll come to ye
%%
Oh who can tell, save he whose heart hath tried.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto i, Stanza 1
%%
Oh why should the spirit of mortal be proud?
Like a fast-flitting meteor, a fast-flying cloud,
A flash of the lightning, a break of the wave,
He passes from life to his rest in the grave.
 -- William Knox (1789-1825)
 -- Mortality
%%
Oh woman, woman! when to ill thy mind
Is bent, all hell contains no fouler fiend.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 531
%%
Oh would I were dead now,
Or up in my bed now,
To cover my head now,
  And have a good cry!
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- A Table of Errata
%%
Oh, wow  Look at the moon
%%
Oh yeah, laugh now!   But when the millions start pouring in, I'll be the one
 at Burger King, sucking down Whoppers at my own private table!
 -- Al Bundy
%%
Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the joy of livin' is gone.
 -- John Cougar, "Jack and Diane"
%%
Oh yes, and he had a glass eye.  Funny I should forget that.  The real
eye was knocked out by a cop during a strike.
%%
Oh yes, the great British music hall tradition. Two men with incredibly
  unconvincing cockney accents, going :
      'What's up with you, then?'
      'What's up with me, then?'
      'Yeah, what's up with you, then?'
      'I'll tell you what's up with me - I'm right browned off.'
      'Right browned off?'
      'Yeah, right browned off.'......GET ON WITH IT!!!
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
Oh, yes, you know why fish are always weighing themselves? Because they
 carry their scales with them.
%%
Oh yet we trust that somehow good
  Will be the final goal of ill.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, liv, Stanza 1
%%
Oh ye who go about saying unto each other: "Hello sailor": Dost thou know the
magnitude of thy sin before the gods? Yea, verily, thou shalt be ground
between two stones. Shall the angry gods cast thy body into the whirlpool?
Surely, thy eye shall be put out with a sharp stick! Even unto the ends of the
earth shalt thou wander and unto the land of the dead shalt thou be sent at
last. Surely thou shalt repent of thy cunning.
 -- Commandment #12592
%%
Oh, you look like a sensitive, intelligent guy. Don't make me shoot you.
 -- The kind of cute M.P. that appears only in movies, from STRIPES
%%
Oh you never would believe where these little cookies come from...
%%
Oh, you're wrong. I have one more yet that will not fail--
my knowledge.
 -- Lady Peinforte, Silver Nemesis
%%
Oh, your species is always suffering and dying.
 -- Q, "Hide and Q", stardate 41590.5
%%
O, I could play the woman with mine eyes
And braggart with my tongue.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
:-oid: [from `android'] suff. 1. Used as in mainstream English to
   indicate a poor imitation, a counterfeit, or some otherwise
   slightly bogus resemblance.  Hackers will happily use it with all
   sorts of non-Greco/Latin stem words that wouldn't keep company with
   it in mainstream English.  For example, "He's a nerdoid" means
   that he superficially resembles a nerd but can't make the grade; a
   `modemoid' might be a 300-baud box (Real Modems run at 9600 or
   up); a `computeroid' might be any {bitty box}.  The word
   `keyboid' could be used to describe a {chiclet keyboard}, but
   would have to be written; spoken, it would confuse the listener as
   to the speaker's city of origin.  2. More specifically, an
   indicator for `resembling an android' which in the past has been
   confined to science-fiction fans and hackers.  It too has recently
   (in 1991) started to go mainstream (most notably in the term
   `trendoid' for victims of terminal hipness).  This is probably
   traceable to the popularization of the term {droid} in
   "Star Wars" and its sequels.

   Coinages in both forms have been common in science fiction for at
   least fifty years, and hackers (who are often SF fans) have
   probably been making `-oid' jargon for almost that long
   [though GLS and I can personally confirm only that they were
   already common in the mid-1970s --- ESR].
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
    _~o
   _`\<,_
  (_)/ (_)....I'd rather be biking.
%%
O, I have passed a miserable night,
So full of ugly sights, of ghastly dreams,
That, as I am a Christian faithful man,
I would not spend another such a night,
Though 't were to buy a world of happy days.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Oil prices have fallen lately.  We include this news for the benefit
 of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months.
 -- Bill Tammeus, in Toronto's National Newspaper, 1991
%%
   __O  I met a girl across the sea
 =`\<,  She saved my life and came to me
(=)/(=) A tender night of dark persuasion
        Could be my first and last occasion.
%%
O imitators, you slavish herd!
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
   __O   I spoke about wings ...                You just flew
  =`\<,  I wondered, I guessed and I tried ...  You just knew
 (=)/(=) I sighed ...                         And you swooned
         I saw the crescent ... You saw the whole of the moon
%%
O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
   __O  It's worth the pain that makes the tears
  =`\<,  It's worth the light of a million years.
 (=)/(=) Only your love I can't explain.
         You are the flower for my rain.
%%
O Jephthah, judge of Israel, what a treasure hadst thou!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
As a nose on a man's face,
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
   __O  John Stewart Mill, of his own free will,
 =`\<,         after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
(=)/(=) Plato, they say, could stick it away,
               'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
%%
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
OK
%%
Okay, Bobby said, getting the hang of it, then what's the matrix?     If
 she's a deck, and Danbala's a program, what's cyberspace?
   The world, Lucas said.
 -- William Gibson, _Count Zero_
%%
Okay, everybody in this room who's telekinetic, raise my hand.
%%
Okay, everyone out of the gene pool!
%%
Okay, if you don't want to carry them any more!
%%
Okay, if you're so smart, do it yourself! I'm leaving!
%%
Okay..  I'm going home to write the ``I HATE RUBIK's CUBE
 HANDBOOK FOR DEAD CAT LOVERS''..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Okay, I've found some black smoke. I can't promise anything! You
know, know, you could turn into a dwarf with this stuff. ...>FOOP!<
%%
Okay, I won't open it until then
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle after having been
                   presented with an empty box that was to contain
                   a gift from a sailing team in South America.
                   He was told that the gift was not ready yet,
                   but that it would be presented to him when they
                   arrived in the United States.
%%
Okay, now where did I put my orange smoke?....  >POOF!<
Everything disappears in a dense cloud of orange smoke.
%%
Okay, Okay -- I admit it.  You didn't change that program that worked just a
little while ago; I inserted some random characters into the executable.
Please forgive me.  You can recover the file by typing in the code over again,
since I also removed the source.
%%
Okay, one more time.  This is your brain. (egg)
This is your brain on drugs. (egg in frying pan)
Any Questions?
"Yeah, can I have mine scrambled?"
%%
Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC.
%%
Okay, something here's really fucked up.
%%
"Okay," the computer continued.  "Here's an interesting little notion.  Did you
realize that most people's lives are governed by telephone numbers?"
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
OKAY!!  Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING,
 FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Okay, where's the virgin? We can't have a virgin sacrifice without a virgin.
Who's virgin monitor for this week?
%%
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
%%
'Okay, who stuck the M&Ms in the atom smasher?'
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Okay, you guys having sex here, let's see some skill rolls!
%%
OK, but be careful.  In my experience, Republican women are harder to
 open than a liquor store in Nebraska.
 -- Teddy's, err, Charlie's Angels spoof on SNL
%%
Ok, folks, some of you insist that math is an exact science, that algebra
 is much the same, and all that kind of stuff, so tell me, will you, how can
 three squares a day at the feed box make a person so round?
%%
Ok, folks, you want the fifty buck question...here it comes...ready or not!
 Lake Webster is located in Massachusetts. What is the INDIAN name for this
 particular lake, and what is the meaning of the Indian name? You trivia
 buffs are going down in flames on this one, since most of you probably
 can't even spell, let alone pronouce the name. It is
 Chargogatmanchaugagochaubunagaugamag. It is translated "You fish your side
 and I'll fish my side and nobody will fish in the middle." From this, it
 seems that the Indians had the same problems with fishermen that we have
 today - the whole lot of them have not improved any...
%%
OK, guys, we're no longer horny.
The Politically Correct term is "vaginally challenged".
 -- [courtesy of my brother-in-law, Ron Howland]
%%
   Ok, how long will it take?
   For each manager involved in initial meetings add one month.
   For each manager who says data flow analysis add another month.
   For each unique end-user type add one month.
   For each unknown software package to be employed add two months.
   For each unknown hardware device add two months.
   For each 100 miles between developer and installation add one month.
   For each type of communication channel add one month.
   If an IBM mainframe shop is involved and you are working on a non-IBM
      system add 6 months.
   If an IBM mainframe shop is involved and you are working on an IBM
      system add 9 months.
   Round up to the nearest half-year.
 -- A comment on schedules
By the way, ALL software projects are done by iterative prototyping.
Some companies call their prototypes releases, that's all.
 -- Brad Sherman
%%
OK, I'm weird But I'm saving up to be eccentric.
%%

OK!   LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.  I'M IN CHARGE OF THE CPU FOR THE
NEXT 40 MILLISECONDS!
 -- A comment from the Space Shuttle (!) computer IPL code,
 -- power failure handling
%%
OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
 -- Dr. Joy
%%
OK. Ok. Already. So Vice President Dan Quayle made a mistake. He knows, now
 at least, that Nepal isn't in South America. He is sorry. Geez... He is
 going to make a foreign trip, and this time, he knows where he is going. He
 is going to Albuquerque, and he knows this is the Capitol of Mexico. Some
 of these geography buffs are really critical types.....
%%
Ok, Ok, just where is it you were on the 7th of June, 1989, at 1:23:45 PM?
 You can not remember where you were at 1:23:45, on 6/7/89? Shame on you.
%%
OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm
 gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!
%%
 OK, one more time...  This is our answering machine...  This is
 the message on our answering machine...  Any questions?
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
OK Scotty, NOW Detonate and energize I mean.......
%%
OK, ... * S M A C K * !!! Now what?
%%
OK, so I'm cured of schizophrenia, but where am I now when I need me?
%%
OK, so the kobolds all pull out laser technology and destroy the ninth
 level party immediately.  You guys are dead...again.  (Chuckle, chuckle)  Roll
 up new first level characters, and... Jack, don't be silly.  Put that knife
 down at once.
%%
OK, so you've got a Ph.D.  Now, don't touch anything.
%%
O.K to continue??  <yes> <no> <MAYBE?>
%%
OK, you want to call the Vice President, Dial 1-800-DAN WHO?
%%
O Lady, he is dead and gone!
  Lady, he 's dead and gone!
And at his head a green grass turfe,
  And at his heels a stone.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- The Friar of Orders Gray
%%
O last regret, regret can die!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, lxxviii, Stanza 5
%%
Old accountants never die, they just loose their balance.
%%
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
%%
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
%%
OLD, adj.  In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with
general inefficiency, as an _old man_.  Discredited by lapse of time
and offensive to the popular taste, as an _old_ book.

    "Old books?  The devil take them!" Goby said.
    "Fresh every day must be my books and bread."
    Nature herself approves the Goby rule
    And gives us every moment a fresh fool.
                                                           Harley Shum
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Old age comes on apace to ravage all the clime.
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Minstrel, Book i, Stanza 25
%%
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
 -- Maurice Chevalier
%%
Old age is that period of life when
more and more things happen for the last time and
fewer and fewer things happen for the first time.
%%
Old age is the harbor of all ills.
 -- Bion
%%
Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
 -- Trotsky
%%
Old Age? That's when it takes all night
 to do what you used to do all night.
%%
Old and well stricken in age.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xviii, 11
%%
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
%%
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
%%
Old as I am, for ladies' love unfit,
The power of beauty I remember yet.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Cymon and Iphigenia, Line 1
%%
Old bakers never die, they just quit making dough.
%%
Old bakers never die, you just can't get a rise out of them.
%%
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
%%
Old bank robbers never die, they just steal away!
%%
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
%%
Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
%%
OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away.
%%
Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
%%
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
%%
Old Boston laws prohibit taking a bath more than once a week
or without a written prescription from a medical doctor.
%%
OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter.
%%
OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away.
%%
Old cars never die, they just trade away.
%%
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
%%
Old chairpersons never die, they just don't get through the motions.
%%
Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
%%
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically.
%%
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
%%
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes.
%%
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
%%
Old commercial: Hey Culligan Man! New commercial: Hey Culligan Person!
 Progress....
%%
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
%%
(Old couple in run-down shack:)
Man: Martha, maybe before we die, we can be rich someday.
Woman: We've always been rich, dear; maybe someday we'll have money.
%%
OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it!
%%
Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
%%
Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
%%
Old doctors never die.  They just lose their patients.
%%
OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times.
%%
Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
%%
OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings.
%%
Old England is our home, and Englishmen are we;
Our tongue is known in every clime, our flag in every sea.
 -- Mary Howitt (1804-1888)
 -- Old England is our Home
%%
Old English majors don't die, they burn in hell.
%%
Older sister:  "Why are you wearing my new raincoat?"
 Younger sister: "I didn't want to get your new dress wet."
%%
Older women are best because they always think they may be doing it for the
 last time.
%%
Old faculties never die, they just lose their principles!
%%
Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
%%
OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away.
%%
:old fart: n. Tribal elder.  A title self-assumed with remarkable
   frequency by (esp.) USENETters who have been programming for more
   than about 25 years; often appears in {sig block}s attached to
   Jargon File contributions of great archeological significance.
   This is a term of insult in the second or third person but one of
   pride in first person.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Old-fashioned poetry, but choicely good.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
Old father antic the law.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Old fishermen never die; they just smell that way.
%%
Old friends are best. King James used to call for his old shoes; they
were easiest for his feet.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Friends
%%
Old friends are like old wine. They sour with age.
 -- The Great Gildersleeve (Harold Peary)
%%
Old friends become bitter enemies on a sudden for toys and small offenses.
 -- Robert Burton
%%
Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days.
An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to
make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day.
 -- the 14th Dalai Lama, interview in "TIME", 11 April 1988
%%
Old frogs never die, But they do croak!
%%
Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
%%
Old genealogists never die.  They just lose their census.
%%
OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize.
%%
Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls.
%%
Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on.
%%
OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez.
%%
Old Grimes is dead, that good old man
  We never shall see more;
He used to wear a long black coat
  All buttoned down before.
 -- Albert G. Greene (1802-1868)
 -- Old Grimes
%%
Old habits die hard.
%%
Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
%%
Old hackers never die: young ones do.
%%
Oldham are leading 1-0, a well deserved victory at this stage of
   the game.
 -- Tommy Docherty, Picadilly Radio
%%
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
%%
Old heroes never die, they reappear in sequels.
 -- Michael Moorcock
%%
Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
%%
Old hippies never die, they just take a little longer to get a mortgage.
%%
Old hippies never die, they just take a trip.
%%
Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
%%
OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED.
%%
Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.
%%
Old informers never die. They're just put out to grass.
%%
Old investors never die, they just roll over.
%%
Old Jedi Knights never die; they just fade in and fade out.
%%
Old John of Gaunt, time-honoured Lancaster.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
%%
OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out.
%%
Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their
   metal coils.
%%
Old Ladies

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a
cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse,
took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette
and continued to smoke. Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a
good idea! What is it that you put over your cigarette?"
The other old lady said, "It's a condom." "A condom? Where do you get
those?" The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could
purchase condoms at the pharmacy.
When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold
condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that
this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size
do you want?"
The old lady thought for a minute and said, "one that will fit a Camel!"
%%
Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
%%
Old Latin scholars don't die, they just decline.
%%
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just loose their briefs.
%%
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
%%
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
%%
OLD LINGUISTS never die, they just rearrange their deep structures.
%%
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
%%
Old MacDonald had a processor -
Enable interrupts, enable input/output.
%%
OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs.
%%
Old mail has arrived.
%%
Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
%%
Old Math majors don't die, they decompose to a specific, mathmatically
determined formula.
%%
Old men are dangerous; it does not matter to them what is going to
happen to the world.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Old mercenaries never die.  They just go to hell and regroup.
%%
Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
%%
Old Motormen's Glove: A Smooth Blend of the Finest Whiskeys of the World -
 Smooth going down, and smooth coming up. Try a quart, you'll be glad you
 did, on the way down, and sorry you did, on the way up. But, it's smooth,
 either way!
%%
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
%%
Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
%%
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar.
%%
Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
%%
Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
%%
Old ocean's gray and melancholy waste.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- Thanatopsis
%%
Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
%%
Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
%%
Old parades never die, they just float away.
%%
Old people know more about being young
than young people about being old.
%%
Old people like to give good advice,
as solace for no longer being able to provide bad examples.
 -- Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims" 1665
%%
Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they
 can get.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
%%
OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off.
%%
Old pilots never die, they just can't get it up!
%%
Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
%%
Old plumbers never die.  They just go down the drain.
%%
Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
%%
OLD POSTMEN never die, they just lose their zip.
%%
Old principals never die, they just lose their faculties!
%%
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
%%
Old programmers never die, they just become managers.
%%
Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.
%%
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it.
%%
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile.
%%
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits.
%%
Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.
%%
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just loose their memory.
%%
Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
%%
Old proverbe says,
That byrd ys not honest
That fyleth hys owne nest.
 -- John Skelton (c. 1460-1529)
 -- Poems against Garnesche
%%
Old quarterbacks never die, they just fade back and pass away.
%%
Old railroad people never die, they just lose track!
%%
Old sailers never die, they just get a little dingy.
%%
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
%%
Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
%%
Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
%%
Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
%%
OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around.
%%
Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.
%%
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
%%
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
%%
Old students never die, they just get degraded.
%%
OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL.
%%
Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
%%
Old teachers never die, they just lose their class.
%%
:Old Testament: [C programmers] n. The first edition of {K&R}, the
   sacred text describing {Classic C}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state
of maximum entropy.
%%
Old Time Movie Plot: Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy finds girl once
 more and marries girl and they live happily everafter. Science Fiction
 Movie Plot: Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy builds girl. Current Movie
 Plot: Boy meets boy. Boy loses boy. Boy finds another boy. Chase takes
 forty minutes, dialogue six, and gun shots fill in void. Hot New Item: Boy
 meets girl, they belong to different gangs, war breaks out.
%%
OLD TIMER:
    One who remembers when charity was a virtue and not an organization.
%%
Old truck drivers never die, they just get a new Peterbilt.
%%
Old Tubal Cain was a man of might
In the days when earth was young.
 -- Charles Mackay (1814-1889)
 -- Tubal Cain
%%
Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
%%
Old Usenetters never die, they just become unresponsive.
%%
Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.
%%
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.
%%
OLEAGINOUS, adj.  Oily, smooth, sleek.
    Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as
"unctuous, oleaginous, saponaceous."  And the good prelate was ever
afterward known as Soapy Sam.  For every man there is something in the
vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin.  His enemies
have only to find it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
olfactory:  an ancient mill.
%%
O liberty!  O liberty!  What crimes are committed in your name!
 -- Mme. Jeanne (Manon) Roland (1754-1793)
%%
O Life! how pleasant is thy morning,
Young Fancy's rays the hills adorning!
Cold-pausing Caution's lesson scorning,
        We frisk away,
Like schoolboys at th' expected warning,
        To joy and play.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Epistle to James Smith
%%
O life! thou art a galling load,
Along a rough, a weary road,
  To wretches such as I!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Despondency
%%
O limed soul, that, struggling to be free,
Art more engag'd! Help, angels! Make assay!
Bow, stubborn knees; and, heart with strings of steel,
Be soft as sinews of the new-born babe!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
O little booke, thou art so unconning,
How darst thou put thy-self in prees for drede?
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Flower and the Leaf, Line 59
%%
Oliver North is a prolific producer of terminological inexactitudes.
%%
Oliver North is proof that if you wrap stupidity in the flag, you can
 overcome common sense which conforms to the law.
%%
Ollie North: "They convicted me on shredded evidence!"
%%
O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for
Thou knowest we will never change our minds.
 -- Old Scottish Prayer
%%
O love, could thou and I with fate conspire
To grasp this sorry scheme of things entire,
Might we not smash it to bits
And mould it closer to our hearts' desire?
 -- Omar Khayyam [tr. FitzGerald]
%%
O Love! in such a wilderness as this.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Gertrude of Wyoming, Part iii, Stanza 1
%%
O! love is like the rose, And a month it may not see, Ere it withers
where it grows.
 -- Bailey
%%
O love! O fire! once he drew
With one long kiss my whole soul through
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Fatima, Stanza 3
%%
      O Love! they die in yon rich sky,
        They faint on hill or field or river:
      Our echoes roll from soul to soul,
        And grow forever and forever.
Blow, bugle, blow! set the wild echoes flying!
And answer, echoes, answer! dying, dying, dying.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part iii, Line 360
%%
O Love! what hours were thine and mine,
In lands of palm and southern pine;
  In lands of palm, of orange-blossom,
Of olive, aloe, and maize and vine!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Daisy, Stanza 1
%%
OLTION'S COMPLETE, UNABRIDGED HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE
Bang!      ...crumple.
 -- Jery Oltion
%%
OLYMPIAN, adj.  Relating to a mountain in Thessaly, once inhabited by
gods, now a repository of yellowing newspapers, beer bottles and
mutilated sardine cans, attesting the presence of the tourist and his
appetite.

    His name the smirking tourist scrawls
    Upon Minerva's temple walls,
    Where thundered once Olympian Zeus,
    And marks his appetite's abuse.
                                                           Averil Joop
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
O lyric love, half angel
     and half bird,
And all a wonder and a
  wild desire !
 -- Robert Browning
%%
Omag: "Can't somebody get me a napkin?!"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Omag: "What are you?"
Riker: "Commander William Riker, U.S.S. Enterprise."
Omag: "Oh, am I supposed to stand up and *salute*?!"  [Laughs]
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Omag: "What is that dreadful noise?!  It sounds like a Bardakian pronghorn
  moose!"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Omag: "Where's the waiter?  Isn't there a waiter in this sorry place?!"
Riker: "Is there a problem?"
Omag: "Yes.  I need more napkins!"
Riker: "Use your sleeve."
Omag: "What did you say?!"
Riker: "Use one of their sleeves, I don't care."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Omag: "You know what I want to hear."
Amarie: "Yeah, yes, I know."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
O Mary, go and call the cattle home,
  And call the cattle home,
And call the cattle home,
  Across the sands o' Dee!
 -- Charles Kingsley (1819-1875)
 -- The Sands of Dee
%%
OMEN, n.  A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
O men with sisters dear,
  O men with mothers and wives,
It is not linen you 're wearing out,
  But human creatures' lives!
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Song of the Shirt
%%
O, mickle is the powerful grace that lies
In herbs, plants, stones, and their true qualities:
For nought so vile that on the earth doth live
But to the earth some special good doth give,
Nor aught so good but strain'd from that fair use
Revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse;
Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied;
And vice sometimes by action dignified.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
 (Ominous electronic background music:)  In honor of Halloween,
 I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual.  So please
 leave a message.  Unless you're a virgin, in which case, why
 don't you stop by?  SINT MIHI DEI ACHERONTIS PROPITII...
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
O Mirth and Innocence! O milk and water!
Ye happy mixtures of more happy days.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Beppo, Stanza 80
%%
O Miss Bailey!
Unfortunate Miss Bailey!
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- Love laughs at Locksmiths, Act ii, Song
%%
Omissions, no less than commissions, are often times branches of injustice.
 -- Antoninus
%%
Omit needless words.
 -- Strunk and White
%%
Omittance is no quittance.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
OML     Obey Murphy's Law
%%
Omne solum forti patria.
[Every region is a strong man's home.]
 -- Sir Richard Burton's motto
%%
Omnibiblious, adj.:
   Indifferent to type of drink.  Oh, you can get me anything.
I'm omnibiblious.
%%
OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS??  Oh, YEH!!  First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O
 and a BIG WRENCH!!...  I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if
 it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT...  ...or...I...um...  WHERE'S the
 WASHING MACHINES?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
O, monstrous! but one half-pennyworth of bread to this intolerable
deal of sack!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
   __O  Most american beers (exceptions duly noted),
  =`\<,  like Coors and Bud
 (=)/(=) are like making love in a canoe
%%
O Music! sphere-descended maid,
Friend of Pleasure, Wisdom's aid!
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- The Passions, Line 95
%%
O, my offence is rank, it smells to heaven;
It hath the primal eldest curse upon 't,
A brother's murder.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
O my prophetic soul!
My uncle!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
On 10/11/88 Dan Quayle held a pumpkin next to his head.
(reported in Esquire 8/92)
%%
On 1st April, 1980, London's Capital Radio announced that the
 hovercraft service from Heathrow airport had been cancelled
 because of the low tide. Amazing considering Heathrow is some
 40 miles away from the coastline.
%%
On 6/13/89, Dan Quayle posed in El Salvador holding a grenade launcher.
Unbeknownst to him, it was aimed at his elbow.
 -- reported in Esquire 8/92
%%
On 8/13/91 lawyer Dan Quayle tells the American Bar Association that the
US has too many lawyers.  He is quickly scolded by another speaker.
 -- reported in Esquire 8/92
%%
On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy,
but we'll work on it.
 -- Donald Barr
%%
On ability:
A dwarf is small, even if he stands on a mountain top;
a colossus keeps his height, even if he stands in a well.
 -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the
only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no
matter what it does.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
On a child's T-Shirt:  My human experiance is just beginning.
%%
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
 -- P. J. Denning
%%
(on a film set of a tenement)
Goldwyn  : Why is everything so dirty here?
Director : Because it's supposed to be a slum area.
Goldwyn  : Well, this slum cost a lot of money.  It should look
         better than an ordinary slum.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
On AI: It is artificial but not intelligent.
%%
On alcohol: four is one more than more than enough.
 -- Jim Pastore
%%
On all sides, the remains of a rich farming area occupy the entire
landscape. Virtually the only surviving evidence of the bygone days
of agriculture lies in the preponderance of food-yielding crops and
the occasional stone walls which have weathered ages of decay and ruin.
%%
On a lone barren isle, where the wild roaring billows
  Assail the stern rock, and the loud tempests rave,
The hero lies still, while the dew-drooping willows,
  Like fond weeping mourners, lean over his grave.
The lightnings may flash and the loud thunders rattle;
  He heeds not, he hears not, he 's free from all pain;
He sleeps his last sleep, he has fought his last battle;
  No sound can awake him to glory again!
 -- Leonard Heath
 -- The Grave of Bonaparte
%%
 (On a male's answering machine, otherwise reverse genders:)
 BEEP.  (Female voice:)  Hi Tony, this is Sheila.  I can't stop
 thinking about you.  When can we get together?  I want to grab
 you and undress you and then BEEP
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
On a scale of 1 to 10, that [prison] is very poorly run.
 -- Heard on the local news in Burlington, Vermont
%%
On a scale of 1 to 4, what are your feelings about the colour green?
%%
On a Shake-N-Bake or similar product, I saw a sticker saying "Remove this
 label before baking".

 Now, if they never put this useless sticker on there in the first place, a
 warning wouldn't have been required, and thus, no sticker.
%%
On a sidewalk near Portland State University someone wrote `Trust Jesus', and
 someone else wrote `But Cut the Cards'.
%%
On a slow day, you can wait forever.
 -- The Fourth Law of Computing
%%
On a sudden open fly,
With impetuous recoil and jarring sound,
Th' infernal doors, and on their hinges grate
Harsh thunder.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 879
%%
On a table is a nasty-looking knife.
%%
On a throne at the center of a sense of humor sits a capacity for irony.
 All wit rests on a cheerful awareness of life's incongruities. It is a
 gentling awareness, and no politician without it should be allowed near
 power.
 -- George Will
%%
On a tombstone: I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK
%%
On a tous un peu peur de l'amour,
mais on a surtout peur de souffrir ou de faire souffrir.

[One is always a little afraid of love,
but above all, one is afraid of pain or causing pain.]
%%
On average a human:  has one testicle, one ovary, one un-developed
breast one developed breast (size A), has black hair and brown eyes
earns less than $2,000 per year;  with only 1/2 of a womb delivers over
2 children in its life, dies an early death and has never seen the Nile.
%%
On cable TV they have a weather channel--twenty-four hours of weather. We
 had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.
 -- Dan Spencer
%%
On Capital Punishment: Four out of five people who get it deserve it. The
 next time someone says they are for capital punishment, think about this!
%%
On Caroline of Brunswick's behaviour with the dey (governor) of Algiers:
 She was happy as they dey was long.
%%
Once a bitch, always a bitch.
 -- William Faulkner
%%
"Once actor Raymond Burr was confronted by a fan who demanded to know
how it was that [Perry Mason] won every case.  `But madam,' he
replied smoothly, `you only see the cases I try on Saturday.'"
 -- THE COMPLETE DIRECTORY OF PRIME TIME TV SHOWS
%%
Once a dish is fouled up, adding anything to make it better will not
work.
 -- Law of Kitchen Confusion
%%
Once, adv.: Enough.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Once again, Odo wins the Twister championship.
%%
Once again, quiet settles over the office, and all that can be heard is
the tap, tap, tapping of the keyboard.
%%
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that
each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his
choice.

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians
called it Christmas and went to church; the Jews called it Hanukka
and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.      People
passing each other on the street would say Merry Christmas! or Happy
Hanukka! or (to the atheists) Look out for the wall!
 -- Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
%%
Once again, we see that interesting correlation between saying "Blessed Be!"
 and being an idiot.
 -- Gene W. Smith
%%
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it
worse.
 -- Finagle's Fourth Law
%%
Once a knight, always a knight, but once is King is once too often.
 -- Sir Bella of Eastmarch
%%
Once a man gets a reputation as a liar, he might as well be struck
dumb, for people do not listen to the wind.
 -- Pop Baslim
%%
Once an appeal is made to force to settle a disagreement, it is well to
 remember that there is now one thing you can not afford, and that is to
 lose.
%%
Once a new technology rolls over you,
if you're not part of the steamroller,
you are part of the road.
 -- Steward Brand, The Media La: Inventing the Future at M.I.T.
%%
Once a person has been hired, inertia sets in, and the employer would
rather settle for the current employee's incompetence and idiosyncracies
than look for a new employee.
 -- Jules Becker
%%
Once a philosopher, twice a pervert.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Once a photograph of the Earth, taken from outside, is available, a new
 idea as powerful as any other in history will be let loose.
 -- Fred Hoyle
%%
Once a python weighs more than half the weight of his keeper, the
potential of dangerous constriction becomes very real; snakes of this size
should not be handled alone. Once a python outweighs his keeper, fatal
constriction is at the discretion of the python.
 -- "Big Snake Bites, Part II," The Vivarium, quoted in "LA Times"
%%
Once a ruler becomes religious, it [becomes] impossible for you to debate with
 him.   Once someone rules in the name of religion, your lives become hell.
 -- Colonel Moammar Qaddafi,
 -- at the General People's Congress in Tripoli in October, 1989
%%
Once at a dinner party when he was a young man, Winston Churchill, who
at the time had a moustache, was seated next to an older woman.  She
said to him, "Young man, I care neither for your politics nor for
your moustache."

He reassured her, "You are as unlikely to come into contact with the
one as with the other."
%%
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir,
that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli
replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or
your mistress."
 -- [actually, it was John Wilkes and some nameless MP, a generation or
 -- two ahead of Gladstone and Disraeli. -- grs]
%%
Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her.
 -- Vanbrugh
%%
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
...once can imagine the government's problem.  This is all pretty magical
stuff to them.  If I were trying to terminate the operations of a witch
coven, I'd probably seize everything in sight.  How would I tell the ordinary
household brooms from the getaway vehicles?
 -- John Perry Barlow
%%
Once Chuang Chou dreamt he was a butterfly, a butterfly flitting and
fluttering around, happy with himself and doing as he pleased. He didn't
know he was Chuang Chou. Suddenly he woke up and there he was, solid and
unmistakeable Chuang Chou. But he didn't know if he was Chuang Chou who had
dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he was Chuang Chou.
 -- Chaung Tzu
%%
Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of
lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul.
  -- Montaigne
%%
Once contraception is accepted and the purposes of sex are separated from
 procreation and marriage, sterilization and abortion become acceptable, and
 then infanticide, the precursor of outright euthanasia.   Furthermore,
 homosexuality and unnatural sexual activities become `natural and normal,'
 the venereal diseases get out of control, divorce and illegitimacy rates
 mount, and the family swiftly disintegrates.
 -- Valerie Riches, Family Planning Educator, in her brochure,
     Contraception's Legacy, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For
     Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
Once, during a trial in which she was accused of indecency on stage, the judge
 asked, "Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?"  She
 answered, "On the contrary, your Honor, I was doin' my best to conceal it."
%%
Once economists were asked, "if you're so smart, why ain't you rich?"
Today they're asked, "Now that you've proved you ain't so smart,
how come you got rich?"
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it
 -- Homer
%%
Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under
his roars.  Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a
brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron
tabernacles behind the railroad yards.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), writing of William Jennings Bryan,
 -- counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution law
 -- at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925
%%
Once he saw a youth blushing, and addressed him, "Courage, my boy!
that is the complexion of virtue."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- vi
%%
Once, in the flight of ages past,
There lived a man.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Common Lot
%%
Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we
were forced to
live on nothing but food and water for days.
 -- W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"
%%
Once, I read that a man be never stronger
than when he truly realizes how weak he is.
 -- Jim Starlin, "Captain Marvel #31"
%%
Once is an accident, twice is coincidence, thrice is enemy action.
%%
Once is not enough.
 -- Jacqueline Suzanne
%%
Once I was a tadpole, in the beginning of the begin;
 Then I was a toadfrog with my tail tucked in.
 Then I was a monkey in a banyan tree;
 Now I'm a professor with a Ph.D.
 -- Anonymous creationist's view of evolution
%%
Once I was at a gig with Big Jack Reynolds a old bluesman I know in Toledo
after he played a couple of young wanna-bees were gathered around his amp
and guitar checkin' out the hardware when Big Jack happened by and said in
passing, It ain't the guitar boys ....
%%
Once I was sick, and I had to go to an ear, nose, and throat man to get
 well. There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists,
 proctologists--any place you got a hole there's a guy who specializes in
 your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the ear
 doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't
 help you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!
 -- Alan Prophet
%%
Once I was stoned.
 -- Corinthians 11:25
%%
Once lead the American people into war, and they'll forget there ever was such
 a thing as tolerance.   To fight you must be brutal and ruthless, and the
 spirit of ruthless brutality will enter into every fiber of our national
 life ...
 -- President Woodrow Wilson
%%
Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior.
 -- Socrates
%%
Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more!
 -- William Shakespeare, Henry V
%%
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,
Or close the wall up with our English dead!
In peace there 's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility;
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger:
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Once more upon the waters! yet once more!
And the waves bound beneath me as a steed
That knows his rider.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 2
%%
Once the erosion of power begins, it has a momentum all its own.
%%
Once the game is over, the king and pawn go back in the same box.
 -- Italian proverb
%%
Once the most important inhabitants of a world at the center of the known
 cosmos, now we human beings had been reduced to the status of the far-flung
 denizens of a minor, tangential blip on somebody else's universe.
 -- John Boslough, _Masters of Time_
%%
Once the number three, being the third number, be
 reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade
 of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in
 my sight, shall snuff it.
 -- Classic Python from MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
%%
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings
infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow
up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible
for each to see each other whole against the sky.
 -- Rainer Rilke
%%
Once there was a note, listen!
 -- Pete Townshend
%%
Once there was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled.
 This time is called the Dark Ages.
%%
Once, there was NO fun...  This was before MENU planning,
 FASHION statements or NAUTILUS equipment...
 Then, in 1985..  FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP..
 It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!!
 We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS,
 MTV and a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
 -- H. R. Haldeman
%%
Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it's no fun
lying to them anymore.
 -- Cheers
%%
Once the way to screw up a project is presented for consideration
it will invariably be accepted as the soundest solution.
%%
Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble.  Women expect an
 Oscar performance in bed.
%%
Once they go up, who cares where they come down?   That's not my department.
 -- Werner von Braun
%%
Once things have happened, no matter how accidentally, they will
be regarded as manifestations of an unchangeable higher reason.
 -- Prof. Charles Frankel
%%
Once to every man and nation comes the moment to decide,
In the strife of Truth with Falsehood, for the good or evil side;
Some great cause, God's new Messiah offering each the bloom or blight,
Parts the goats upon the left hand, and the sheep upon the right;
And the choice goes by forever 'twixt that darkness and that light.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Present Crisis
%%
Once upon a girl there was a time...
%%
Once upon a time, a four-year-old boy was visiting his uncle and aunt. He
 was a very outspoken little boy and ofttimes had to be censured to say the
 right thing at the right time. One day at lunch, when his auntie had
 company, the little boy said, "Auntie, I want to tinkle." Auntie took the
 little boy aside and said, "Never say that, Sonny. If you want to tinkle,
 say, "I want to whisper.'" And the incident was forgotten.

 That night, when Uncle and Auntie were soundly sleeping, the little boy
 climbed into bed with them. He tugged at his uncle's shoulder and said,
 "Uncle, I want to whisper." And Uncle said, "All right, Sonny, don't wake
 Auntie up. Whisper in my ear." The little boy was sent back to his parents
 the next day.
 -- George Jessel
%%
Once upon a time a lion killed a bull and ate the entire animal. Feeling so
 well about it, the lion roared and roared. A hunter heard the lion roar,
 came over and shot the animal. With one shell, the hunter killed that lion.
 Moral: When you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
%%
..  Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family
 of DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their
 PROPERTY VALUES!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Once upon a time, I dreamed of becoming a great man. Later, a good man. Now,
finally, I find it difficult enough and honor enough to be--a man.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Once upon a time, I had a good girl.
Once upon a girl, I had a good time...
%%
Once upon a time...is now.
%%
Once upon a time, people lived happily ever after.  Now people live
happily ever after, too; after the kids are out of the house and through
college; after the mortgage is paid off; and after the divorce is final.
%%
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to
fly south for the winter.  However, soon after the weather turned cold,
the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form his on his wings and he fell to
earth in a barnyard almost frozen.  A cow passed by and crapped on this
little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure
warmed him and defrosted his wings.  Warm and happy the little sparrow
began to sing.  Just then, a large Tom cat came by and hearing the
chirping investigated the sounds.  As Old Tom cleared away the manure,
he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

There are three morals to this story:

(1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
(2) Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
(3) If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.
%%
Once we've got the bugs ironed out, we'll be running on flat bugs.
%%
Once when Bion was at sea in the company of some wicked men, he fell
into the hands of pirates; and when the rest said, "We are undone
if we are known,"--"But I," said he, "am undone if we are not known."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Bion, iii
%%
Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious
old stranger.  He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone
about the treasure.  I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story.
 Some of us have a plane to catch, you know."  He stared telling hes
story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: "This
story isn't too long."  But then, he kept going, and I started thinking,
"Uh-oh, this story is getting long."  But then the story was over,
and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn't too long after
all."  I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie
on the plane.  It was a little long, though.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Once when Phocion had delivered an opinion which pleased the people,...
he turned to his friend and said, "Have I not unawares spoken some
mischievous thing or other?"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Phocion
%%
Once you accept his assumptions even a madman seems reasonable.
%%
    Once you accept that the world is a giant computer run by
white mice, all other movies fade into insignificance.
 -- Mutsumi Takahashi
%%
Once you accept your own death all of a sudden you are free to live. You no
longer care about your reputation, you no longer care except so far as
your life can be used tactically to promote a cause you believe in.
 -- Saul Alinsky
%%
Once you are married there is nothing left for you, not even suicide, but
 to be good.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding
 into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes
 with plaid is easy.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Once you get people laughing, they're listening and you can tell them
almost anything.
 -- Herbert Gardner
%%
Once you have surgery and get the bill for it, you will automatically have
 a new and deeper appreciation of why it is that the doctor wears a mask
 when doing it!
%%
Once you have their money, you never give it back.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #1
%%
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger
can. Old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger cans.
 -- Zymurgy (Conrad Schnieker)
 -- Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics
%%
Once you pledge, don't hedge.
 -- Nikita Khrushchev
%%
... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you
with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them.  Holiday
shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday
advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a
shopping bag.  If your children object to being tied, threaten to take
them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up.
 -- Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
%%
Once you understand how to write a program get someone else to write it.
%%
Once you've accumulated sufficient knowledge to get by, you're too
old to remember it.
%%
Once you've come out as a pagan bisexual married
leather dyke, everything else in life is that much easier
%%
Once you've had real champagne, you can never go back to Asti Spumante.
 -- Georgette Lundberg
%%
Once you've tried to change the world you find
 it's a whole bunch easier to change your mind.
%%
On commercial television the high quality of the entertainment is often
 spoiled by those annoying little interruptions, which we call programs.
 -- Kenneth Horne
%%
On croit mourir pour la patrie, on meurt pour des industriels.
[You believe you're dying for the country -- you die for some industrialists.]
 -- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
On curing the depression that comes with having to work for a living:
Stay home for a day and watch daytime TV.
 -- Sheldon
%%
On dancing:  A perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
%%
One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of
love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together
until maybe you fall in again.
 -- Judith Viorst
%%
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least
somebody's listening.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
One always overcompensates for disabilities.  I'm thinking of having my entire
body surgically removed.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
On Earth it is considered ill mannered to kill your friends
while committing suicide....
 -- Avon
%%
On Earth there is no reckoning.
%%
One attains the way of heaven. Success.
%%
:one-banana problem: n. At mainframe shops, where the computers
   have operators for routine administrivia, the programmers and
   hardware people tend to look down on the operators and claim that a
   trained monkey could do their job.  It is frequently observed that
   the incentives that would be offered said monkeys can be used as a
   scale to describe the difficulty of a task.  A one-banana problem
   is simple; hence, "It's only a one-banana job at the most; what's
   taking them so long?"

   At IBM, folklore divides the world into one-, two-, and
   three-banana problems.  Other cultures have different hierarchies
   and may divide them more finely; at ICL, for example, five grapes
   (a bunch) equals a banana.  Their upper limit for the in-house
   {sysape}s is said to be two bananas and three grapes (another
   source claims it's three bananas and one grape, but observes
   "However, this is subject to local variations, cosmic rays and
   ISO").  At a complication level any higher than that, one asks the
   manufacturers to send someone around to check things.

   See also {Infinite-Monkey Theorem}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
>One basic notion underlying Usenet is that it is a cooperative.

Having been on USENET for going on ten years, I disagree with this.
The basic notion underlying USENET is the flame.
 -- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@Apple.COM
%%
One becomes a critic when one cannot be an artist, just as a man becomes a
 stool pigeon when he cannot be a soldier.
 -- Gustave Flaubert (letter to Madame Louise Colet, August 12, 1846)
%%
One begins with two people on a stage, and one of them had better say
 something pretty damn quick.
 -- Moss Hart
%%
One Bell System - it sometimes works.
%%
One Bell System - it works.
%%
One big pile is better than two little piles.
 -- Arlo Guthrie
%%
One business author recently estimated the average American encounters
something like 2,000 sales messages a day.
%%
One can acquire everything in solitude -- except character.
 -- Stendhal
%%
One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.
%%
    One can be instructed in society, one is inspired only in
solitude.
 -- Goethe
%%
One can give without loving, but one surely can not love without giving.
%%
One can imagine a sane, healthy, cheerful human society based on no more than
the principles of common sense, as validated each day by work, play, and
living experience. But this remains the most utopian and fantastic of ideals.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
 -- Helen Keller
%%
One can never repeat too often, that reason, as it exists in man,
is only our intellectual eye, and that, like the eye, to see, it
needs light-to see clearly and far, it needs the light of heaven.
%%
One cannot engage in conflict;
One returns home, gives way.
The people of his town,
Three hundred households,
Remain free of guilt.
%%
One cannot engage in conflict.
One turns back and submits to fate,
Changes one's attitude,
And finds peace in perseverance.
Good fortune.
%%
One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing
how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
    One cannot play chess if one becomes aware of the pieces
as living souls and of the fact that the Whites and the Blacks
have more in common with each other than with the players.
Suddenly one loses all interest in who will be champion.
 -- Anatol Rapoport
%%
One can search the brain with a microscope and not find the mind,
and can search the stars with a telescope and not find God.
 -- J. Gustav White
%%
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
%%
One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: give little,
give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly. Otherwise, what could
have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
 -- Ruth Smythers
 -- Marriage advice for women, 1894
%%
One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
 -- O'Toole's Axiom
%%
One claim for the value of the British monarchy is that its existence
precludes anyone from aspiring to absolute rule.  I have a theory that the
American presidency serves a similar purpose, precluding anyone from managing
the government.
%%
One condition is basic for an spontaneous public speech, and that is that
 one spend perhaps the better part of a month preparing it, editing it and
 then reducing it. One should never speak for twenty minutes when one has a
 thirty second idea. If it takes you more than twenty minutes to state your
 ideas, you are not suited for public speaking, you are called to be an
 author, and if no one else is willing to call you, know that I am willing,
 at least as a public service.
%%
One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in
contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers
of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded
and dull, but also just stupid.
 -- J. D. Watson, The Double Helix
%%
One crime is concealed by the commission of another.
 -- Seneca
%%
One day a gate breaks down between heaven and hell. So St. Peter arrives on
 the scene and calls out for the devil. And the devil saunters over and
 says, "What do you want?" And St. Peter says, "Satan, it's your turn to fix
 it this time."

 And the devil says, "I'm sorry. But my men are too busy to worry about
 fixing a mere gate."

 And St. Peter says, "Well, then, I'll have to sue you for breaking our
 agreement."

 And the devil says, "Oh yeah? Where are you going to get a lawyer?"
 -- Soupy Sales
%%
One day a student came to Moon and said, "I understand how to make a
better garbage collector.  We must keep a reference count of the
pointers to each cons." Moon patiently told the student the following
story-
  "One day a student came to Moon and said, "I understand how to
  make a better garbage collector...
 -- AI koan
%%
One day at a time- this is enough.  Do not look back and grieve over
the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future,
for it has not yet come.  Live in the present, and make it so beautiful
that it will be worth remembering.
 -- Ida Scott Taylor.
%%
One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most
gorgeous blond Chinese girl...I sat beside her.  I said, "Hi," and
she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?," and she said,
"I saw my analyst today and he says I have a problem."  So I asked,
"What's the problem?"  She replied, "I can't tell you.  I don't even
know you..."  I said, "Well sometimes it's good to tell your problems
to a perfect stranger on a bus."  So she said, "Well, my analyst said
I'm a nymphomaniac and I only like Jewish cowboys...by the way, my
name is Denise."  I said, "Hello, Denise.  My name is Bucky Goldstein..."
 -- Steven Wright
%%
One day in Dipstick, Nebraska, or Landfill, Oklahoma, is worth more to me than
an eternity in Dante's plastic Paradiso, or Yeats's gold-plated Byzantium.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
One day is better that sometimes a whole year.
 -- Proverb
%%
One day I shall burst my bud of calm and blossom forth
into hysteria
%%
One day, I shall come back.  Yes, I shall come back.  Until then,
 there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties.  Just go forward
 in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.
 Goodbye, my dear.  Goodbye, Susan.
 -- Doctor Who, DALEK INVASION OF EARTH
%%
One day it was announced by master Joshu that the young monk Kyogen had
reached an enlightened state.  Much impressed by this news, several of his
peers went to speak with him.
    We have heard that you are enlightened.   Is this true? his fellow
students inquired.
     It is, Kyogen answered.
      Tell us, said a friend, how do you feel?
        As miserable as ever, replied the enlightened Kyogen.
%%
One day I woke up and discovered that I was in love with tripe.
 -- Tom Anderson
%%
One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was
 a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one.  I had to
 laugh.  Laugh and laugh.  Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by
 laughing he would forget what he asked me.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
One day's exposure to mountains is better than carloads of books. See how
willingly Nature poses herself upon photographers' plates. No earthly
chemicals are so sensitive as those of the human soul.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
One day soon, man is going to be able to harness incredible energy --
  maybe even the atom.  Energy that could ultimately hurl men to other
  worlds in some sort of spaceship.  And the men that reach out into space
  will find ways to feed the hungry millions of the world, and to cure
  their diseases.  They'll be able to find a way to give each man hope
  and a common future.  And those are the days worth living for.
 -- Edith Keeler, "The City on the Edge of Forever," stardate unknown.
%%
One day the President and Mrs.  Coolidge were visiting a government
farm.  Soon after their arrival they were taken off on separate tours.
When Mrs. Coolidge passed the chicken pens she paused to ask the man
in charge if the rooster copulates more than once each day.  'Dozens of
times,' was the reply.  'Please, tell that to the President,' Mrs. Coolidge
requested.  When the President passed the pens and was told about the
roosters, he asked, 'Same hen every time?'  'Oh no, Mr. President, a
different one each time.'  The President nodded slowly, then said, 'Tell
that to Mrs. Coolidge.'
 -- G. Bermant
%%
"One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in
 the door of my apartment building... I turned it... and the whole
 building started up.... So I drove it around....  A policeman stopped
 me for going to fast... He said, 'Where do you live?'... I said,
 'Right here'...  Then I drove my building onto the middle of a
 highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the
 hell out of my driveway."
 -- Stephen Wright
%%
One day with life and heart
Is more than time enough to find a world.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Columbus
%%
One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.
%%
One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well
oiled.
%%
One does a whole painting for one peach and people think just the
opposite-that that particular peach is but a detail.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Vogue (November, 1956).
%%
One does not dip water with a knife.
%%
One does not discover new continents without consenting to lose sight of
the shore for a very long time.
 -- Andre Gide
%%
One does not drink the mud of the well. No animals come to an old well.
%%
One does not have to keep bad governments in to keep Communists out.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
One does not patronize a Klingon warrior.
 -- Riker, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
One does not thank logic.
 -- Sarek, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.4.
%%
One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the
shore for a very long time.
 -- Andre Gide
%%
One doesn't have a sense of humor.  It has you.
 -- Larry Gelbart
%%
One draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads him; and
a third drowns him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
One draws from the well
Without hindrance.
It is dependable.
Supreme good fortune.
%%
One drink is just right, two are too many, three are too few.
 -- Spanish proverb
%%
One eare it heard, at the other out it went.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Troilus and Creseide, Book iv, Line 435
%%
One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #32
%%
One entire and perfect chrysolite.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
One evening Mr. Rudolph Block, of New York, found himself seated at
dinner alongside Mr. Percival Pollard, the distinguished critic.  "Mr.
Pollard," said he, "my book, "The Biography of a Dead Cow", is published
anonymously, but you can hardly be ignorant of its authorship.   Yet in
reviewing it you speak of it as the work of the Idiot of the Century.
Do you think that fair criticism?"  "I am very sorry, sir," replied the
critic, amiably, "but it did not occur to me that you really might not
wish the public to know who wrote it."
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
One event happeneth to them all.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes ii, 14
%%
One evil empire down--one to go!
%%
One expresses well the love he does not feel.
 -- J. A. Karr
%%
One fact is better than one hundred apologies.
%%
One fair daughter and no more,
The which he loved passing well.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
One falls into the pit.
Three uninvited guests arrive.
Honor them, and in the end there will be good fortune.
%%
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
%%
One fire burns out another's burning,
One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
..  One FISHWICH coming up!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
One foot in the grave.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Little French Lawyer, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
One for casual, one for best.
 -- Romana, DESTINY OF THE DALEKS
%%
One form to rule them all, one form to find them, one form to bring
them all and in the darkness rewrite the hell out of them
 -- sendmail ruleset 3 comment from DEC.
%%
One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly
possible.  Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community
of thought, a rivalry of aim.
 -- Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918), "The Education of Henry Adams", 1907
%%
One function of diplomacy is to dress realism in morality.
%%
One funged curve is worth a thousand weasel words.
%%
One Galileo in two thousand years is enough.
 -- Pope Pius XII
%%
One generation cannot bind another.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes i, 4
%%
  One God, one law, one element,
  And one far-off divine event
To which the whole creation moves.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, Conclusion, Stanza 36
%%
One good reason why computers can do more work than people is
 that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
%%
One good suit is worth a thousand resumes.
%%
One good thing about being a man is that men don't have to talk each other.
%%
One good thing about inflation is that the fellow who forgets his change
 nowadays doesn't lose half as much as he used to.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
One good thing about music,
well, it helps you feel no pain.
So hit me with music;
hit me with music now.
 -- Bob Marley, "Trenchtown Rock"
%%
One good turn deserves another.
 -- Gaius Petronius
%%
One good turne asketh another.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
One grows tired of jelly babies, Castellan.   One grows tired of
   almost everything, Castellan, except power.
 -- Doctor, Invasion of Time
%%
One half of all marriages end in divorce, the rest in
death--I got out alive!
%%
One half of the children born die before their eighth year.
This is nature's law; why try to contradict it?
 -- Jean Jacques Rousseau, "Emile, ou de l'education", 1762
%%
One half of the world doesn't know how the other three-quarters lives.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview
 with a doctor than from any human experience.
 -- Alice James
%%
One has to look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end
up with the atomic bomb.
%%
One homunculus a day keeps the doctor away.
%%
One horse laugh is worth 10,000 syllogisms.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
One hundred hairy bugs in the code, one hundred hairy
bugs....Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 hairy bugs.
Repeat until BUGS = 0
%%
   One hysterical woman screamed: ``They killed my babies! They killed
my babies!''
 -- (UPI) Enraged pet owners curse cemetery owners, 7/9/91
%%
One impluse from a vernal wood
May teach you more of man,
Of moral evil and of good,
Than all the sages can.
 -- William Wordsworth, The Tables Turned
%%
One inch of joy surmounts of grief a span,
Because to laugh is proper to the man.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Gargantua and Pantagruel, To the Reader
%%
One incompetent manager can negate the
work of dozens of excellent engineers.
%%
One is constantly reminded of the infinite lavishness and fertility of
Nature -- inexhaustible abundance amid what seems enormous waste. And yet
when we look into any of her operations that lie within reach of our minds,
we learn that no particle of her material is wasted or worn out. It is
eternally flowing from use to use, beauty to yet higher beauty; and we soon
cease to lament waste and death, and rather rejoice and exult in the
imperishable, unspendable wealth of the universe, and faithfully watch and
wait the reappearance of everything that melts and fades and dies about us,
feeling sure that its next appearance will be better and more beautiful
than the last.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
One is enriched through unfortunate events.
No blame, if you are sincere
And walk in the middle,
And report with a seal to the prince.
%%
One is not idle because one is absorbed.  There is both visible and
invisible labor. To contemplate is to toil.  To think is to do.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.
 -- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
%%
One is often kept in the right road by a rut.
 -- Gustave Droz
%%
One is oppressed while at meat and drink.
The man with the scarlet knee bands is just coming.
It furthers one to offer sacrifice.
To set forth brings misfortune.
No blame.
%%
One is reminded of the society for the preservation of sea otters
whose motto was "Do unto otters as you would have otters do unto you."
%%
One is the loneliest number that you will ever know.
%%
One item could not be deleted because it was missing.
 -- Mac System 7.0b1 error message
%%
ONE:  I will donate my entire ``BABY HUEY'' comic book collection
 to the downtown PLASMA CENTER..
 TWO:  I won't START a BAND called ``KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD''..
 THREE:  I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
One kernel is felt in a hogshead; one drop of water helps to swell
the ocean; a spark of fire helps to give light to the world.  None
are too small, too feeble, too poor to be of service.  Think of this
and act.
 -- Hannah More
%%
One kills three foxes in the field
And receives a yellow arrow.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
%%
One Klingon Flea to another...Meet you on the next ridge.
%%
One Law for the Lion and Ox is oppression.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
One lawyer can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
 -- The Godfather
%%
One learns every day.  Experience is a great teacher.  By experience you
learn.  But as I enter office, I'm prepared now.  Obviously, I will be
more prepared as time goes on.  I will know more about the office of the
presidency.  But I'm prepared now and I will be more prepared as time goes
on.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                   (reported in the NY Times, 1/14/89)
%%
One learns to itch where one can scratch.
 -- Ernest Bramah
%%
One lie does not cost you one truth, but the truth.
 -- Friedrich Hebbel
%%
One life,--a little gleam of time between two Eternities.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Heroes and Hero-Worship, The Hero as a Man of Letters
%%
:one-line fix: n. Used (often sarcastically) of a change to a
   program that is thought to be trivial or insignificant right up to
   the moment it crashes the system.  Usually `cured' by another
   one-line fix.  See also {I didn't change anything!}
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:one-liner wars: n. A game popular among hackers who code in the
   language APL (see {write-only language} and {line noise}).
   The objective is to see who can code the most interesting and/or
   useful routine in one line of operators chosen from
   APL's exceedingly {hairy} primitive set.  A similar amusement
   was practiced among {TECO} hackers and is now popular among
   {Perl} aficionados.

   Ken Iverson, the inventor of APL, has been credited with a
   one-liner that, given a number N, produces a list of the
   prime numbers from 1 to N inclusive.  It looks like this:

        (2 = 0 +.= T o.| T) / T <- iN

   where `o' is the APL null character, the assignment arrow is a
   single character, and `i' represents the APL iota.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
One lives but once in the world.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
One lives by believing in something.
%%
One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.
 -- Antonio Porchia, "Voces", 1968
%%
One lives only when one thinks.
%%
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.  No machine can do
the work of one extraordinary man.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
One made the observation of the people of Asia that they were all
slaves to one man, merely because they could not pronounce that syllable
No.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Bashfulness
%%
One man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those
have I not found.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes vii, 28
%%
One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than 50 preaching it.
 -- Knute Rockne
%%
One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as
one man would have produced alone.  These two plus two more will
produce half again as many ideas.  These four plus four more begin to
represent a creative meeting, and the ratio changes to one quarter as
many ...
 -- Anthony Chevins
%%
One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last
ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world will
be better for this.
 -- Joe Darion, "The Impossible Dream"
%%
One man's folly is another man's wife.
 -- Helen Rowland (1876-1950)
%%
One man's idea of hell is to be forced to remain in another man's
idea of heaven.
%%
One man's junk is another's income - and sometimes his priceless antique.
 -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
One man's "magic" is another man's "engineering." "Supernatural" is a
null word.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
One man's mate is another man's passion.
 -- Jeff Daiell's description of adultery
%%
One man's Mede is another man's Persian.
 -- George S. Kaufman
%%
One man's nightmare is another man's wet dream.
%%
One man's red tape is another man's system.
 -- Dwight Waldo
%%
One man's 'Simple' is another man's 'Huh ?'
 -- David Stone's Law
%%
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
 -- Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love
%%
One man's upload is another man's download.
%%
One man's wickedness may easily become all men's curse.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 463
%%
One man's Windows are another man's walls.
%%
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
%%
One man with courage is a majority.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
One man with courage makes a majority.
 -- Andrew Jackson
%%
One mark of a good officer was the ability to make quick decisions.
If they happened to be right, so much the better . . .
 -- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
One may be able to quibble about the quality of a single experiment,
or about the veracity of a given experimenter, but, taking all the
supportive experiments together, the weight of evidence is so strong
as readily to merit a wise man's reflection.
 -- Professor William Tiller, parapsychologist, Stanford University,
 -- commenting on psi research
%%
One may be humble out of pride.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xvii, Of Presumption
%%
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever come
to sit by it. Passersby see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and
continue on the way.
 -- Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890)
%%
One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant
than any star.
 -- G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy
%%
One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends
can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
 -- Clifton Fadiman
%%
One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it.
 -- French proverb
%%
One meets his lord in a narrow street. No blame.
%%
One missed photographic opportunity creates a desire to purchase
two additional pieces of equipment.
 -- Pern's Photography Law
%%
One moment of patience may ward off a great disaster; one moment
of impatience may ruin a whole life.
%%
One monk said to the other, "The fish has flopped out
 of the net! How will it live?"  The other said, "When you have
 gotten out of the net, I'll tell you."
%%
One month after moving into your dream house, you will get new
next-door neighbors who will display a predilection for dismantled cars,
rabbit cages oversized tents and the music of Kool and the Gang.
%%
One more drink and I would have been under the host.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
One more such victory, and we are lost.
 -- Pyrrus
%%
One more time....this is your mind.  [picture of egg]
This is the government on your mind.  [picture of stomped
egg]   Any questions?
%%
One more unfortunate
  Weary of breath,
Rashly importunate,
  Gone to her death.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Bridge of Sighs
%%
One more word, and I go back to Mother! T-A-X-I!!!
%%
One morn a Peri at the gate
Of Eden stood disconsolate.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Paradise and the Peri
%%
One morn I miss'd him on the custom'd hill,
  Along the heath, and near his fav'rite tree:
Another came; nor yet beside the rill,
  Nor up the lawn, nor at the wood was he.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 28
%%
One morning, Daddy bear came down for breakfast to find his porridge bowl
 empty. He angrily growled,"who`s been eating my porridge?" Baby bear came
 down next and found his porridge bowl empty too. "Somebody has gobbled up my
 porridge," he moaned.  At this moment, Mummy bear stuck her head round the
 door and said,"You stupid  b****rds, I haven`t made it yet!"
%%
One morning, four years ago, something happened that I will never forget. I
 woke up, and I looked at myself in the mirror, because I happened to wake
 up in the bathroom, and I said to myself, "Dave, you have a wonderful wife,
 you have a newborn son, you have a good job, you have friends who care
 about you, you have a lawn mower that starts on the second or third
 pull--you have everything a man could possibly want, and a whole lifetime
 ahead of you to enjoy it in. Why not enjoy a cigarette right now?" And so I
 did.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
One murder made a villain,
Millions a hero. Princes were privileged
To kill, and numbers sanctified the crime.
 -- Beilby Porteus (1731-1808)
 -- Death, Line 154
%%
One must always be drunk. Everything is there: it is the essential issue.
 To avoid that horrible burden of Time grabbing your shoulders and crushing
 you to the earth, you must get drunk without restraint.
 -- Charles Baudelaire
%%
One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.
 -- George Eliot
%%
One must be reasonable in one's demands on life. For myself, all that I ask
is: (1) accurate information; (2) coherent knowledge; (3) deep understanding;
(4) infinite loving wisdom; (5) no more kidney stones, please.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
One must deal openly and fairly with one's forces if maximum effectiveness
is to be achieved.
 -- Lord Darth Vader
%%
One must exaggerate -- life is so *dull*!
 -- King of Hearts
%%
One must go through the water.
It goes over one's head.
Misfortune. No blame.
%%
One must marry one's feelings to one's beliefs and ideas.  That is
probably the only way to achieve a measure of harmony in one's life.
 -- Etty Hilsum
%%
One must never precede any maneuver by a
comment more predictive than, "Watch this!" (Keep 'em guessing.)
 -- The Third Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing
star.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra
%%
One must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent human being.
 -- May Sarton
%%
One need not fear superior numbers if the opposing force has been properly
scouted and appraised.
 -- Sitting Bull
%%
One never goes so far as when one doesn't know where one is going
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to
 be done.
 -- Marie Curie
%%
One nice thing about being dead is that you become eligible
 to appear on stamps and currency.
%%
One night I came home very late. It was the next night.
%%
One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish.
 My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
One night my mother sent me to fetch the doctor. "What's the matter with
 me? I'm sick from top to bottom. My head pounds, my eyes flicker, my heart
 jumps, my stomach gurgles, my knees crack, my ankles swell, my feet burn,
 and I myself don't feel so good. If I weren't, thank God, so healthy I
 couldn't stand the pain ..."
 -- Sam Levenson
%%
One night of love don't make up for six knights alone.
%%
One northern California coroner's office privately uses a vulture
as its mascot and has adopted the slogan: "Our day begins when your
day ends."
%%
One of his sayings was, "Even the gods cannot strive against necessity."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pittacus, iv
%%
One of it's legs is both the same.
%%
One of life's greatest pleasures: paying the last installment.
%%
One of life's little ironies is the fact that when you finally master
a tough job, you make it look easy.
%%
One of life's quiet excitements is to stand somewhat apart
from yourself and watch yourself softly becoming the author of
something beautiful, even if it is only falling ash.
 -- Norman Maclean
 -- A River Runs Through It
%%
One of life's small satisfactions is copping first place
in a newly opened checkout line.
 -- Libbie Fudim
%%
One of my favorite games when I was a kid was 'murder/suicide.'
 Dad would show us a photo and ask us, "Is it a murder or a suicide?"
 -- Colleen Doran
%%
One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you
only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.
 -- Frank Zappa, 1979
%%
One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on the envelopes.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from
one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70%
discipline, like learning Latin.  But the good parts are, of course,
simply amazing.
God is an extremely uneven writer, but when He's good, nobody can touch Him.
 -- John Gardner, NYT Book Review, Jan 1983
%%
One of our secrets of life is to keep our intellectual curiosity acute.
 -- William Lyon Phelps
%%
One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
One of the advantages of being a captain is being able to ask
  for advice without necessarily having to take it.
 -- Kirk, "Dagger of the Mind," stardate 2715.2.
%%
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly
making exciting discoveries.
 -- A. A. Milne
%%
One of the advantages of bowling over golf is that you seldom lose a
bowling ball.
 -- Don Carter
%%
 One of the benefits of a college education is to show
the little boy its little avail.
 -- James Thurber
%%
One of the best things people could do for their descendants would be to
 sharply limit the number of them.
 -- Olin Miller
%%
One of the best things to come out of the home computer revolution
could be the general and widespread understanding
of how severely limited logic really is.
 -- Frank Herbert, author
%%
One of the best ways of avoiding necessary and even urgent tasks is to seem
 to be busily employed on things that are already done.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
One of the best ways to measure people is to watch the way they behave
when something free is offered.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears--by listening.
 -- Dean Rusk
%%
One of the better deterrents to the consumption of junk food is
 accomplished simply. Just read the label.
%%
One of the better ways of saving face is accomplished by keeping the lower
 part of it shut.
%%
One of the causes of divorce today is the oft asked question: "What is for
 lunch today?" The reason is that this question is often followed by the
 response, "I don't know, the label came off the can."
%%
   One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put
tacks in their tea.  Also, the colonists would send their parcels
through the post without stamps.  During the War, Red Coats and Paul
Revere was throwing balls over stone walls.  The dogs were barking
and the peacocks crowing.  Finally, the colonists won the War and
no longer had to pay for taxis.     Delegates from the original thirteen
states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin,
and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence.
 Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket
and a loaf of bread under each arm.  He invented electricity by rubbing
cats backwards and declared "a horse divided against itself cannot
stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
 -- Richard Lederer, "Student Bloopers"
%%
One of the cheapest ways to design something is not to design it at all.
 -- Gordon L. Glegg
%%
One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an
advisor... is to discourage... from expecting too much from mathematics.
 -- N. Wiener
%%
One of the considerations in the formula for any pizza is that it be made
 so that the sticky side, when it slips out of your hand, will be the side
 that hits the expensive carpet first.
%%
One of the disadvantages of childlessness is that in a few years it begets
 grand-childlessness.
%%
One of the distinctions by which you can tell a doctor from a lawyer is
 that you can not read the writing of a doctor. On the other hand, you can
 not understand the conversation of a lawyer.
%%
One of the few safe predictions for the coming year:
People will die this year that never died before.
%%
One of the few, the immortal names,
  That were not born to die.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Marco Bozzaris
%%
One of the finest tests of indestructibility of an army tank would be to
 put it on as baggage on an airline flight. If it comes out of this without
 being destroyed, it is worth buying.
%%
One of the finest things in life is to be paid for doing work you would do
 for free if you could afford the time.
%%
-- One of the first and foremost rules of piracy
REAL PIRATES ARE OVER 15 YEARS OLD!
Exceptions to this rule are extremely rare at best.

 -- Corollary
You never have to wonder who breeded Mickey Mouse with a
2600 hz tone to produce a real pirate's voice.
%%
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not
 to take medicine.
 -- Sir William Osler
%%
One of the first lessons a president has to learn is that every word he
 says weighs a ton.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
One of the first things schoolchildren in Texas learn is how to compose a
simple declarative sentence without the word "shit" in it.
%%
One of the first things you learn when the kids start to use the car is how
 far you can drive when the gas guage stands on empty.
%%
    One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is
receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay.  I have pasted
together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student
bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade
through college level.  Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
One of the frustrations about doing what you do is that most people who do
 not do what you do know far more about how to do what you do than you do,
 and they are not shy about telling you this.
%%
One of the greater accomplishments of modern medicine is that with
 treatment, you can regain enough strengh to survive being told how much
 your treatment costs.
%%
One of the greatest advantages in the world is enjoyed by the person who
 says and insists that they are telling the truth, when in fact, they are
 telling the truth.
%%
One of the greatest failings in people is the inability to imagine motives
 in another which one does not find in oneself.
 -- Lothar Kaul
%%
One of the greatest labour-saving inventions of today is
tomorrow.
 -- Vincent T. Foss
%%
One of the greatest pains of human nature is the pain of a new idea.
%%
One of the greatest pieces of economic wisdom is to know what you do not know.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith, in "Time", 1961
%%
One of the greatest sources of energy is pride in what you are doing.
%%
One of the greatest unsolved riddles of restaurant eating is that the customer
usually gets faster service when the restaurant is crowded that when it is half
empty; it seems that the less that the staff has to do, the slower they do it.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
One of the great joys in my life is sitting
on my back porch, playing a Hohner Harmonica,
and smoking a hemp cigarette.
 -- Abraham Lincoln, according to Hohner Harmonica Co.
%%
One of the hardest arguments to refute is silence.
%%
One of the hardest things in this world is to admit you are wrong.
 And nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank
admission.
 -- Benjamin Disreali (1804-1881)
%%
One of the inadequate preparations being young allows is that you are not
 prepared for the time when you will be old.
%%
One of the indictments of civilization is that happiness and
intelligence are so rarely found in the same person.
 -- William Feather
%%
One of the interesting things about space is how dull it is - there's so
much of it and so little in it.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people.
 -- Genghis Khan
%%
One of the large consolations for experiencing anything unpleasant
is the knowledge that one can communicate it.
 -- Joyce Carol Oates
%%
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
 -- Will Durant, in "Reader's Digest", 1972
%%
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
 lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of
 their C programs.
 -- Robert Firth
%%
One of the main troubles about going to Europe is that no one wants to hear
 about your trip when you get back home. Your friends and relatives are rife
 with jealousy and are not only sorry you went to Europe but deeply regret
 that you came back.
 -- Art Buchwald
%%
One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with
Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to
get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be
bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be
so outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand what
was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was reknowned for being
quite clever and quite clearly was so -- but not all the time, which obviously
worried him, hence the act. He preferred people to be puzzled rather than
contemptuous. This above all appeared to Trillian to be genuinely stupid, but
she could no longer be bothered to argue about.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
One of the major problems of modern education is that most of the work is
 left for the school teacher to do.
%%
One of the merits of democracy is quite obvious: it is perhaps the
most charming form of government ever devised by man.  The reason
is not far to seek.  It is based on propositions that are palpably
not true -- and what is not true, as everyone knows, is always immensely
more fascinating and satisfying to the vast majority of men than what
is true.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
One of the more difficult aspects of public speaking is waking up the
 audience after the person who introduced you finishes with the remarks.
%%
One of the more fragile things in life is the unbreakable guarantee.
%%
One of the more interesting takeovers in the recent past was that
of GE taking over the makers of BVD underwears.  For
diversification purposes, of course.  Their new slogan, you ask?
"We bring good things to life, in your BVD."
%%
One of the more serious dangers after the last kid has left home for
 college is getting scalded in the shower.
%%
One of the moring boring aspects of the science of mathematics is that
 there is only one correct answer.
%%
One of the most attractive features of a Connection Machine is the array of
 blinking lights on the faces of its cabinet.
 -- CM Paris Ref. Manual, v6.0, p48.
%%
One of the most dangerous forms of human error is forgetting what one
is trying to achieve.
 -- Paul Nitze
%%
One of the most devastating enemies of the family is radical sex education
 in the public school.   It is more explicit than necessary for the good of
 the child.  Too much sex education too soon causes undue curiosity and
 obsession with sex.
 -- Beverly LaHaye, President, Concerned Women for America, in her newsletter,
     4/81, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned
      Parenthood pamphlet
%%
One of the most difficult of the philosopher's tasks is to find out
where the shoe pinches.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%%
One of the most expensive things in life
is a girl who is free for the evening.
%%
One of the most frightening things in the Western world, and in this
country in particular, is the number of people who believe in things that
are scientifically false.  If someone tells me that the earth is less than
10,000 years old, in my opinion he should see a psychiatrist.
 -- Francis H.C. Crick
%%
One of the most important things to remember about infant care is: never
 change diapers in midstream.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that the
cat has only nine lives.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Pudd'nhead Wilson
%%
One of the mysteries of science is how a child can leave so very much dirt
 in the washbasin and still have some left to put on the towel.
%%
One of the nicest things about mathematics, or anything else you might
 care to learn, is that many of the things which can never be, often are.
 -- Norton Juster, "The Phantom Tollbooth"
%%
One of the oldest human needs is having someone wonder where you are
when you don't come home at night.
 -- Margaret Meade
%%
One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God create
goyim?"  The generally accepted answer is "somebody has to buy retail."
 -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
%%
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that
you end up being governed by your inferiors.
 -- Plato
%%
"One of the prison psychiatrists asked me if I thought sex was dirty,
and I said it is if you're doing it right."
 -- Woody Allen, "Take the Money and Run"
%%
One of the problems I've always had with propaganda pamphlets is that they're
 real boring to look at.   They're just badly designed.  People from the left
 often are very well-intended, but they never had time to take basic design
 classes, you know?
 -- Art Spiegelman
%%
One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have
believed it--they also believed the world was flat.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
        One of the questions that comes up all the time is: How
enthusiastic is our support for UNIX?
        Unix was written on our machines and for our machines many
years ago.  Today, much of UNIX being done is done on our machines.
Ten percent of our VAXs are going for UNIX use.  UNIX is a simple
language, easy to understand, easy to get started with.  It's great for
students, great for somewhat casual users, and it's great for
interchanging programs between different machines.  And so, because of
its popularity in these markets, we support it.  We have good UNIX on
VAX and good UNIX on PDP-11s.
      It is our belief, however, that serious professional users will
run out of things they can do with UNIX. They'll want a real system and
will end up doing VMS when they get to be serious about programming.
        With UNIX, if you're looking for something, you can easily and
quickly check that small manual and find out that it's not there.  With
VMS, no matter what you look for -- it's literally a five-foot shelf of
documentation -- if you look long enough it's there.  That's the
difference -- the beauty of UNIX is it's simple; and the beauty of VMS
is that it's all there.
 -- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, 1984
%%
One of the quickest ways to meet new people is
 to pick up the wrong golf ball on a golf course.
%%
One of the reasons Roller Derby didn't make it on television was that there
 wasn't enough violence. Here is a suggestion for filling in this void:
 Let's have a new sport developed called: Hocky Team Gang Boxing with
 Crowbars.
%%
One of the rules of Busmanship, New York style, is never surrender your
seat to another passenger.  This may seem callous, but it is the best
way, really.  If one passenger were to give a seat to someone who
fainted in the aisle, say, the others on the bus would become
disoriented and imagine they were in Topeka, Kansas.
%%
One of the saddest lessons of history is this:  If we've been
bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the
bamboozle.  We're no longer interested in finding out the truth.  The
bamboozle has captured us.  it is simply too painful to acknowledge --
even to ourselves -- that we've been so credulous.  (So the old
bamboozles tend to persist as the new bamboozles rise.)
 -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987
%%
One of the sayings of Diogenes was that most men were within a finger's
breadth of being mad; for if a man walked with his middle finger pointing
out, folks would think him mad, but not so if it were his forefinger.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
One of these centuries the brutes, private or public, who believe
that they can rule their betters by force, will learn the lesson
of what happens when brute force encounters mind and force.
 -- Ragnar Danneskjold
%%
One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody
everything every night before you go to bed.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
One of these days, Alice, one of these days...
%%
One of these days, I'm going to cut you into little pieces.
%%
One of these days I'm gonna have one of those days.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and
 show you a nice, brand- new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet
 broken, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack
 of spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do
 not bet this man, for as sure as you stand there, you are going to wind up
 with an earful of cider.
 -- Damon Runyon
%%
One of these days is none of these days.
%%
One of these days now, just you wait and see!
%%
One of the sophisms of Chrysippus was, "If you have not lost a thing,
you have it."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Chrysippus, xi
%%
One of the special beauties of America is that it is the only country in
 the world where you are not advised to learn the language before entering.
 Before I ever set out for the United States, I asked a friend if I should
 study American. His answer was unequivocal. "On no account," he said. "The
 more English you sound, the more likely you are to be believed."
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money
 the most, are the very ones that never have it
 -- Finley Peter Dunne
%%
One of the stronger reasons for being disorganized is that one is
 constantly making exciting discoveries. One of the things you discover, for
 example, is that God hides things simply by putting them near us. Most of
 my major discoveries can be filed from A to C, Accident to Chance. It is
 amazing what you can find, when you are actually looking for something
 else.
%%
One of the things capitalism brought into the world was democracy,
though I do not think the two are inseparable.
 -- Michael Harrington
%%
One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about
human beings was their habit of continually stating and repeating the obvious,
as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen
down a thirty-foot well, are you alright? At first Ford had formed a theory to
account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising
their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months'
consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one.
If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start
working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively
cynical and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always
remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't
know about.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
One of the things not to say to a state trooper who has just pulled you
 over for doing more than the sign announcing the miles per hour allows is
 "Do you look like this all the time or are you simply constipated?" It is
 nice to show concern, but this is not a good example of that kind of
 concern.
%%
One of the things older folks like to give is advice, as a form of
 consolation for not being able to give bad example.
%%
One of the things that helps us pass the sorrows of having an empty nest is
 the joy of having an empty bathroom.
%%
...one of the things that tools can do is to help bad designers create
ghastly designs much more quickly than they ever could in the past.
 -- Grady Booch, "Object Oriented Design"
%%
One of the things the world needs today is a bank that shows just a bit
 more appreciation when your account is underdrawn.
%%
One of the times when silence annoys is when the car engine won't start.
%%
One of the top songs of the year certainly should be dedicated to our
 Savings and Loan institutions
 -- "Don't Worry, Be Happy!"
%%
One of the very few things a dollar bought in 1950 that it will buy today
 is one hundred pennies. But not to worry, someone is working on doing away
 with pennies.
%%
One of the weaknesses of our age is our apparent inability
to distinguish our needs from our greeds.
 -- Don Robinson, quoted in "Reader's Digest", 1963
%%
One of the worst of my many faults is that I'm too critical of myself.
%%
... one of those most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson,
a number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than
itself.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
One of those things which is so simple that even a child can operate it is
 a parent.
%%
One of us has to be a pragmatist. Nonsense!
%%
One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells
of a thief who was to be executed.  As he was taken away he made a
bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite
horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners watched the thief singing
to the horse and laughed. "You will not succeed," they told him. 
 "No one can."  To which the thief replied, "I have a year, and who
knows what might happen in that time.       The king might die.  The
horse might die.  I might die.  And perhaps the horse will learn to
sing.
 -- The Mote in God's Eye
%%
One old lady turns to another: "Oooh, who did your hair? Who did your hair?
 My God, your hair looks like a wig!"

 She says, "It is a wig."

 The first one says, "Is that so? You could never tell."
 -- Larry Best
%%
One on God's side is a majority.
 -- Wendell Phillips (1811-1884)
 -- Speech, Nov. 1, 1859
%%
One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct
tape to make them stop.
 -- G. Weilacher
%%
One ostrich egg will serve 24 people for brunch.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem,
see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable
words.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
One ought to seek out virtue for its own sake, without being influenced
by fear or hope, or by any external influence. Moreover, that in that
does happiness consist.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Zeno, liii
%%
One out of every two game show hosts had a severe head injury as a child.
%%
One out of suits with fortune.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
   One paramount truth / our society smothers / in petty
concern / with position and pelf: / It isn't enough / to
exasperate others; / you've got to remember / to gladden
yourself.
 -- Piet Hein
%%
One peek is worth a thousand finesses.
%%
One person's bug is another person's feature.
%%
One person's constant is another person's variable.
 -- Alan J. Perlis, "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
One person's data is another person's program.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
One person's <grin> is another's <groan>.
%%
One persons's way may be as good as another's, but we all like our own best.
 -- Jane Austen
%%
One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have
only interests.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
One picture had better be worth a thousand words--it takes up more disk space.
%%
One picture is worth a thousand reels of magnetic tape.
%%
One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small,
 and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all.
 Go ask Alice when she's ten feet tall.
 -- Jefferson Airplane
%%
One Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain,
A mere anatomy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Comedy of Errors
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
One planet is all you get.
%%
One possible reason things aren't going according to plan
is that there never was a plan.
%%
One principle object of good-breeding is to suit our behavior to the
three several degrees of men--our superiors, our equals, and those below us.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
One problem in dealing with bureaucrats is that it is very hard to tell
malice from incompetence.
%%
One pushes upward into an empty city.
%%
One reason why George Washington
Is held in such veneration:
He never blamed his problems
On the former Administration.
 -- George O. Ludcke
%%
One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am having
 a good time.
 -- Nancy Astor
%%
One religion is as true as another.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 2, Subsect. 1
%%
One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it ... Never lend
 any money to anybody unless they don't need it.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not
there should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los
Angeles to San Diego.   We passed several state beaches, some crowded
and some virtually empty.  They had the same facilities, and in some
cases the crowded and the empty beach were within a quarter mile of
each other.  Obviously many beach-goers prefer to be crowded together.
Buying more beaches that people won't go to because they prefer to be
crowded together on one beach is a ridiculous waste of our natural
resources and our taxes.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
One science only will one genius fit:
So vast is art, so narrow human wit.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part i, Line 60
%%
One's company, two's a crowd and three's a party.
 -- Andy Warhol, in "Exposures", 1979
%%
One score and seven years ago, your fathers brought forth Incontinence, a
 new notion, conceived by Libertines and dedicated to the Proposition: All
 men, when procreating, are equal. But in a practical sense, we could not
 dissipate, we could not copulate, we could not wallow on this ground. It
 wasn't yet altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

 We did then slyly resolve that this nation should have no dearth of lewd
 freedom, and that any covering of the peephole, by the peephole, or for the
 peephole must perish from the earth.

 -- Allan Sherman
%%
One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936), "The Hammer of God"
%%
One sees the wagon dragged back,
The oxen halted,
A man's hair and nose cut off.
Not a good beginning, but a good end.
%%
One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
%%
One sharp nasty knife is thrown at you!
%%
One ship drives east and the other drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
'Tis the set of the sails and not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
 -- Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Winds of Fate
%%
One-Shot Case Study, n.:
      The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover, from which
it is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes
green.
%%
One should always be in love.  That is the reason one should never
marry.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
One should always be wary of someone who promises that their love will last
 longer than a weekend.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible.
 -- Aristotles Dictum.
%%
One should be cherry of virgins.
%%
One should be just as careful about lying as about telling the truth.
 -- Lytton Strachey
%%
One should be just as careful in choosing one's pleasures as in avoiding
calamities.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
One should either be sad or joyful.  Contentment is a warm sty for
eaters and sleepers.
 -- Eugene O'Neill
%%
One should expect that the expected can be prevented, but the unexpected
should have been expected.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged.
 -- Heine
%%
One should guard against preaching to young people success in the
customary form as the main aim in life.  The most important motive
for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in its
result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community.
 -- Albert Einstein, On Education
%%
One should never make one's debut with a scandal. One should reserve that
 to give an interest to one's old age.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who
 would tell that would tell anything.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
One should not act and speak as if one were asleep.
%%
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom.
 -- Muriel Spark
%%
One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to avoid
starvation and keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this
is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
One should want only one thing and want it constantly.  Then one is sure
of getting it.        But I desire everything and consequently get nothing.
Each time I discover, and too late, that one thing had come to me while
I was running after another.
 -- Andre Gide
%%
One similarity between word processors and food processors:
Put baloney in, and what comes out is only different-looking baloney.
%%
One simile that solitary shines
In the dry desert of a thousand lines.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 111
%%
One sip of this will bathe the drooping spirits in delights
beyond dreams of bliss.
%%
One sits down first, one thinks afterwards.
%%
One sits oppressed under a bare tree
And strays into a gloomy valley.
For three years one sees nothing.
%%
"One size fits all."
Just who is this "all" person anyway,
and why is he wearing my clothes?
%%
One small step for man, one giant stumble for mankind.
%%
One soviet invasion can ruin your whole day.
%%
One spring morning Descartes was strolling in a suburb of Paris.  A local
tavern owner recognized him and asked,
"Would you honor me by tasting the new excellent wine I just received."
"I think not," said Descartes and disappeared.
%%
One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.
%%
One's roommate (who has early classes) has an alarm clock that is
louder than God's own.
%%
One Step Beyond The Night Gallery into The Outer Limits
of The Twilight Zone
%%
One sure way to determine the social conscience of a Government is to
examine the way taxes are collected and how they are spent.  And one
sure way to determine the social conscience of an individual is to get
his tax-reaction.  Taxes, after all, are the dues that we pay  for the
privileges of membership in an organized society.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt, campaign address,
 -- Worcester, Mass., Oct. 21, 1936.
%%
One swallow maketh not summer.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
One-tenth of the participants produce over one-third of the output.
Increasing the number of participants merely reduces the average output.
 -- Augustine's Law Number V
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
One that excels the quirks of blazoning pens.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
One that feared God and eschewed evil.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job i, 1
%%
One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she 's dead.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
One that would have the fruit must climb the tree.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
One thing about growing old, you don't need to travel to view ancient
 ruins. An ordinary mirror will do it for you.
%%
One thing about intellectuals, they proved that they can be
absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.
 -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%%
One thing about my Aunt Nadie: She was gruff on the outside, but if you ever
 needed something, like a spanking or a scolding, she'd give it to you.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
One thing about the past
It's likely to last.
 -- Ogden Nash (1902-1971)
%%
One thing can be said without anyone questioning it, Yassir Arafat is not
 just another pretty face.
%%
One thing common to most success stories is the alarm clock.
%%
One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists.  But it has
occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.
 -- Jane Wagner, The Search for Signs of Intelligent
              Life in the Universe
%%
...One thing is that, unlike any other Western democracy that I know of,
this country has operated since its beginnings with a basic distrust of
government.  We are constituted not for efficient operation of government,
but for minimizing the possibility of abuse of power.  It took the events
of the Roosevelt era -- a catastrophic economic collapse and a world war --
to introduce the strong central government that we now know.  But in most
parts of the country today, the reluctance to have government is still
strong.  I think, barring a series of catastrophic events, that we can
look to at least another decade during which many of the big problems
around this country will have to be addressed by institutions other than
federal government.
 -- Bobby R. Inman, Admiral, USN, Retired,
 -- former director of Naval Intelligence,
 -- vice director of the DIA, former director of the NSA,
 -- deputy directory of Central Intelligence, former chairman and CEO of MCC.
[the statist opinions expressed herein are not those of the cookie editor -ed.]
%%
One thing Jimmy Swaggart and his wife have in common that most married
 couples don't....her clothing!
%%
One thing kids like is to be tricked.  For instance, I was going to take my
 little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out
 warehouse.  "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."  He cried and cried,
 but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke.  I started
 to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
One thing leads to another, and usually does.
%%
One thing men can do better than women: read a map. Men read maps better.
 'Cause only a male mind could conceive of one inch equaling 100 miles.
 -- Roseanne Barr Arnold
%%
One thing men can't understand about women
is how well women understand men.
%%
One thing more dangerous than getting between a grizzly sow and her cub is
getting between a businessman and a dollar bill.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
One thing that helped Rip Van Winkle sleep for 20 years was the fact
that none of his neighbors owned power lawn mowers.
%%
One thing that's always available on a golf course is advice. If you play
 like I do, you think everybody knows something you don't know. If I see a
 bird fly over, I think he's going to tell me something.
 -- Buddy Hackett
%%
One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh
 paint.
%%
One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that
sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer
terror.
 -- W. K. Hartmann
%%
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the
rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know
your child's name and how old he or she is.
 -- Erma Brombeck
%%
One thing to be said about Packard Automobiles, none of them were recalled!
%%
One thing to be said for Columbus, he didn't miss the boat, but about his
 discovery of America, what is so great about that? The place is quite
 literally too big to miss. Some say that Columbus found America, but this
 is incorrect, inasmuch as at the time of discovery, America was not listed
 as lost.
%%
One thing to be said for not saying anything is that it is not going to be
 on some bulletin board somewhere, taking up space and bothering people who
 feel an urge to read everything on bulletin boards.
%%
One thing we're able to do is raise money.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, on the GOP
%%
One thing worse than self-hatred is chiggers.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other
two-thirds provide.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Shakespeare Once More
%%
One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
%%
One thought fills immensity.
%%
One thought of thee puts all the pomp to flight;
Priests, tapers, temples, swim before my sight.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Line 273
%%
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign.  He said, "Didn't you
 see the stop sign?"  I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
One time a little parakeet flew in our window. My mom was making some hot
 chocolate, and she had a whole boiling pot of hot milk. And the parakeet
 flew right into that boiling milk. And I don't like cream of asparakeet.
 -- Tom Smothers
%%
One time I removed all the hair from a mouse with Nair hair remover,
 just to see what it looked like.   And it looked beautiful.
 -- David Lynch
%%
One time I was hitchhiking when a hearse stopped.
 I said, "No thanks, I'm not going that far."
%%
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera
 to see my way around.  I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face.
 The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
One time we were driving through a construction zone and the sign said,
 "Speed Limit 35 Ahead." And there were four of us. We were through there in
 no time.
 -- Guy Geechy
%%
One to destroy is murder by the law,
And gibbets keep the lifted hand in awe;
To murder thousands takes a specious name,
War's glorious art, and gives immortal fame.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire vii, Line 55
%%
One touch of nature...makes all the world kin.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
One trivial mistake in syntax can cause
hundreds of embarrassing error messages.
%%
    One trouble with being efficient is that it makes
    everybody hate you so.
 -- Bob Edwards
%%
One truth discovered, one pang of regret at not being able to express
it, is better than all the fluency and flippancy in the world.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
One, two, and the third in your bosom.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
One, two, three, four
What are we fighting for?
Don't ask me I don't give a damn.
Next stop is Vietnam.
Five, six, seven, eight
Open up the pearly gates.
Ain't no time to wonder why
Whoopie!  We're all going to die.
 -- Country Joe and the Fish
%%
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock...
%%
One Universe made up of all that is; and one God in it all, and one
principle of Being, and one Law, the Reason, shared by all thinking
creatures, and one Truth.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vii, 9
%%
One useless man can be called a disgrace. Two really useless men can be
 called a law firm. When you get more than these together, you have all the
 essential ingredients for a committee. And after the committe has made one
 or two criminal errors which are against the law, you have all that is
 deemed necessary for the formation of a congress. Our country has two
 separate bodies of these people, no one room being quite large enough to
 contain them all. And then there is the executive branch, but we shall
 discuss this later under the heading: "Extreme Absurdities You Would Not
 Believe!"
%%
O, never say hereafter
But I am truest speaker. You call'd me brother
When I was but your sister.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
One was never married, and that's his hell; another is, and that's his plague.
 -- Robert Burton, 1651
%%
One way to better your lot is to do a lot better...
%%
One way to make a small fortune in the United States is by giving your
 investment counselor a large fortune to work with.
%%
One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a
new model.
%%
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
%%
One who condones evils is just as guilty as the one who perpetrates it.
 -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
One who does not know a burro from a burrow
does not know his ass from a hole in the ground!
%%
One who has a flood of words and a drop of reason.
 -- Rowell's Definition of the Orator
%%
One who is contented with what he has done will never become famous for
what he will do.  He has lain down to die, and the grass is already over him.
 -- Christian Nestell Bovee
%%
One who is cowless must be his own dog.
 -- Archaic Irish Proverb
%%
One who is not wise himself cannot be well advised
 -- Machiavelli
%%
One who lives in a wine cellar rarely sees the light of day.
%%
One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.
 -- Hasidic saying
%%
One who puts into one's art what one has not been capable of putting
into one's existence.  It is because he was unhappy that God created the
world.
 -- Henri de Montheriant
%%
One whose existence relies heavily
on the solidity of others.
%%
One who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints.
 -- Proverb
%%
One will not have needed the future perfect in one's entire life.
%%
One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned
at the stake while the votes were being counted.
 -- Thomas B. Reed
%%
  one with nintendo
  halcyon symbiosis
hand thinks for itself
 -- haiku from Effector Online, Volume 1, Number 6
%%
One woe doth tread upon another's heel,
So fast they follow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
One woman can make you fly like an eagle. Another can give you the
    strength of a lion.  But only one in a cycle of lives can fill you with
  gladness and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy.
 -- Hawk, from Twin Peaks
%%
One woman said she still cries at movies -- especially when she pays $4
to see a dull one.
 -- Earl Wilson
%%
One word is worth a thousand pictures. If it's the right word.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
One word of advice: Don't give it.
%%
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
and that ONE word is 'to be prepared'.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
One World, One Operating System.
%%
One world's butcher is another world's hero. Perhaps I am neither one.
 -- Jarok, "The Defector", stardate 43462.5
%%
One worthwhile task carried to a successful conclusion is worth half-a-hundred
half-finished tasks.
 -- B. C. Forbes
%%
One would like to stroke and caress human beings,
but one dares not do so, because they bite.
 -- Vladimir Lenin
%%
One writ with me in sour misfortune's book.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
One year comes, another goes.
The gates of memories never close.
%%
One year we had a Christmas brunch
with Merry Christmas Mush to munch.
But I don't think you'd care for such.
We didn't like to munch mush much.
 -- Dr Suess
%%
One yuppie can ruin your whole day.
%%
On fear-reduction techniques and how they can be used to make a bad
relationship last:  "If I could use these techniques as well as I can explain
them, do you think I'd be here?  And if I was here, I'd look a lot more tired
and happy."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
On fortune's cap we are not the very button.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
On Halloween all the people in the neighborhood dress up like her.
 -- Soupy Sales
%%
On her decision to accept the late Duke's marriage proposal:
 I decided I had enjoyed myself long enough.
%%
On her white breast a sparkling cross she wore
Which Jews might kiss, and infidels adore.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto ii, Line 7
%%
        On his first day as a bus driver, Maxey Eckstein handed in
receipts of $65.  The next day his take was $67.  The third day's
income was $62.  But on the fourth day, Eckstein emptied no less than
$283 on the desk before the cashier.
    Eckstein! exclaimed the cashier.    This is fantastic.   That
route never brought in money like this!  What happened?
        Well, after three days on that cockamamie route, I figured
business would never improve, so I drove over to Fourteenth Street and
worked there.   I tell you, that street is a gold mine!
%%
On his last legs.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Old Law, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
   On his was back to the lobby, his cigarettes forgotten,
he had to walk the length of the ranked phones.  Each rang in turn,
but only once, as he passed.
 -- William Gibson, Neuromancer
%%
On Hollywood Boulevard, not far from where we are, we have the stars' names
 lying on the sidewalk. In the old days the stars themselves were lying on
 the sidewalk.
 -- Steve Allen
%%
On hooks above the mantlepiece hangs an elvish sword of great antiquity.
%%
On horror's head horrors accumulate.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
On Intel fudging benchmark numbers:
"Those guys are so smart, its a wonder they don't just make
faster machines."
%%
Onions don't cause heartburn; they only make it interesting.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
On Iraqi offer to withdraw:
 A bogus sham!
%%
Onkh if you love Isis.
%%
   On Krat's main screen appeared the holo image of a man, and several
dolphins.
From the man's shape, Krat could tell it was a female, probably their leader.
   ...stupid creatures unworthy of the name `sophonts.'   Foolish, pre-sentient
upspring of errant masters.  We slip away from all your armed might, laughing
at your clumsiness!  We slip away as we always will, you pathetic creatures.
And now that we have a real head start, you'll never catch us!  What better
proof that the Progenitors favor not you, but us!  What better proof...
    The taunt went on.  Krat listened, enraged, yet at the same time savoring
the artistry of it.  These men are better than I'd thought.  Their insults
are wordy and overblown, but they have talent.  They deserve honorable, slow
deaths.
 -- David Brin, _Startide Rising_
%%
On Leighton James:
 You're very deceptive, son, you're even slower than you look.
%%
On life's vast ocean diversely we sail,
Reason the card, but passion is the gale.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 107
%%
On-line, adj.:  The idea that a human being should always be
accessible to a computer.
%%
On Line - a statement shouted at tennis judges in response to
   serves being called out.
%%
ON LINE - full but not drunk.
%%
On-Line:
Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with management at 9pm.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Online             : Where you hang your laundry to dry.
%%
Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip...
%%
Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not
 make the simple next step of supporting multitasking.
 -- Calvin Keegan
%%
Only a brave person is willing honestly to admit, and fearlessly to face, what
 a sincere and logical mind discovers.
 -- Rodan of Alexandria
%%
Only a coward or a madman would give good for evil.
%%
Only actions give to life its strength, as only moderation gives it its
charm.
 -- J. P. Richter
%%
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
%%
Only adventurers of evil alignment think of killing their dog.
%%
Only a few industrious Scots perhaps, who indeed are dispersed over
the face of the whole earth. But as for them, there are no greater
friends to Englishmen and England, when they are out on 't, in the
world, than they are. And for my own part, I would a hundred thousand
of them were there [Virginia]; for we are all one countrymen now,
ye know, and we should find ten times more comfort of them there than
we do here.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Eastward Ho, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Only a fool can reproduce another fool's work.
%%
Only a fool fights in a burning house.
 -- Kank the Klingon, "Day of the Dove," stardate unknown.
%%
Only a fool is astonished by the foolishness of mankind.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Only a fool would leave the enjoyment of rainbows to the opticians. Or give
the science of optics the last word on the matter.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Only a fool would stand in the way of progress.
 -- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4725.4.
%%
Only after a task has proven completely impossible is it time to
read the reference book.
 -- Murphy's Fourth Law of Programming
%%
Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.
 -- Cree Indian Prophecy
%%
Only after you are hopelessly lost will you realize that you left the
directions at home.
%%
Only a large-scale popular movement toward decentralization and self-help can
arrest the present tendency toward statism.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Only a life for others is a life worth while.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
Only Amiga used to make it possible
 -- found in an EMail by Christian Stieber
%%
Only an illiterate can clean out an attic!
%%
Only an inventor knows how to borrow, and every man is or should be an
inventor.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Only a sadistic scoundrel -- or a fool -- tells the bald truth on social
occasions.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Only as far as we seek, can we go,
Only as much as we dream, can we be.
%%
Only a sweet and virtuous soul,
Like seasoned timber, never gives.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Virtue
%%
Only a vaRool would use such language in public.
 Riker
%%
Only a wimpy God can't get it right the first time!
%%
Only a wizard can use a magic whistle.
%%
Only boring people get bored.
 -- James T Craddock
%%
Only by avoiding the beginning of things can we escape their end.
 -- Cyril Connolly
%%
Only by going alone in silence, without baggage, can one truly get into the
heart of the wilderness. All other travel is mere dust and hotels and
baggage and chatter.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Only by purest chance do the above resemble the views of anyone else.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Only chaotic evils kill sleeping monsters.
%%
Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she
 were a man.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
Only constant and conscientious practice in the Martial Arts will
ensure a long and happy life.
 -- Bruce Lee
%%
Only cosmetologists give make-up exams.
%%
Only crazy people talk to themselves, but only a madman wouldn't listen.
%%
Only dead fishes follows the stream.
%%
Only democracy saves us from the ravages of being animals.
%%
Only dirty people need to wash.
%%
Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught
in the web of duty.
 -- Stephen King
 -- Roland, The Last Gunslinger
%%
Only errors exist.
 -- Robert's Axiom
One man's error is another man's data.
 -- Berman's Corollary to Robert's Axiom
%%
Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd.
 -- Allen Goldfein
%%
Only fools and dead men don't change their minds.
Fools won't.  Dead men can't.
 -- John H. Patterson
%%
Only fools are positive.
 -- Moe Howard
%%
Only fools are quoted.
 -- Anonymous Fool
%%
Only fools have no fear.
 -- Worf, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
Only God can make a random selection.
 -- Levy's Ninth Law
%%
Only God can make a tree, but only Man can drive by it so fast.
 -- Ferrari Driver.
%%
Only had a couple beers; gimme my car keys.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Only I discern
Infinite passion, and the pain
Of finite hearts that yearn.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Two in the Campagna, xii
%%
Only if you have been in the deepest valley, can you ever know how
magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.
 -- Richard Nixon
%%
Only in America can humanitarianism be suspect to the patriot.
 -- John Francis Putnam (1964)
%%
Only in America could women demand to be considered an official minority
group with all the special privileges pertaining thereunto.
 -- "Cactus" Ed Abbey
%%
Only infinite patience produces immediate results.
 -- from A Course in Miracles
%%
Only in quiet waters do things mirror themselves undistorted.
Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.
 -- Hans Margolius
%%
Only in soap operas are all of life's crises resolved by Friday.
%%
Only in time of peace can the wastes of capitalism be tolerated.
 -- F. R. Scott
%%
Only in your dreams, Commander.
 -- Troi
%%
Only Irish Coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups - alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
 -- Alex Levine
%%
Only learn to seize good fortune, for good fortune is always here.
 -- Goethe
%%
Only lefties are in their right minds.
%%
Only men who are not interested in women are interested in women's clothes;
 men who like women never notice what they wear.
%%
Only new categories escape the stereotyped thinking
associated with old abstractions.
 -- McClellan's Law of Cognition
%%
Only one planet? At least one solar system!
%%
Only painters and lawyers can change white to black.
%%
Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to
use the editorial we.
%%
Only real New Yorkers can find their way around in the subway. If just
 anybody could find his way around in the subway, there wouldn't be any
 distinction in being a real New Yorker except talking funny.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
Only real trappers escape traps.
%%
Only real wizards can write scrolls.
%%
Only she who attempts the ridiculous can accomplish the impossible.
%%
Only sick music makes money today.
 -- Nietzsche (1844-1900) in 1888
%%
Only skydivers know why the birds sing.
 -- Roch Charmet (1930-1989)
%%
Only small minds are impressed by large numbers.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Only someone who understands something completely can explain it so
no one else can understand it at all.
 -- Mazdick's First Law of Science
%%
Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an
elephant.
%%
Only ten people in the world now understand the theory of relativity.
Each of my 33 friends thinks they are among that ten.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Only that day dawns to which we are awake. There is more day to dawn. The
sun is but a morning star.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden
%%
Only that he may conform
To tyrant custom.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Third Day, Part ii
%%
Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.
 -- Baba Ram Dass
%%
Only the actions of the just
Smell sweet and blossom in the dust.
 -- James Shirley (1596-1666)
 -- Contention of Ajax and Ulysses, Sc. 3
%%
Only the brave deserve the fair, but only rich,
fat, cowardly merchants can afford same.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Only the dead fail to rise in my presence.
%%
Only the educated are free.
 -- Epictetus
%%
Only the ephemeral is of lasting value
 -- Ionesco
%%
Only the extreme is interesting.
 -- Magnus Lindberg
%%
Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
and thereafter dwell in infamy, relegated to discussing gas mileage and lawn
food.  But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
unpurifying the dialect of the tribe with arcane talk of bits and bytes, RAMS
and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed?  It's a
modest price to pay.  For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
that produces credit-card billing errors and lost plane reservations.  Hail,
postindustrial warrior, subduer of Bounceoids, pride of the cosmos, keeper of
the silicone creed: Computo, ergo sum. The force is with you -- at 110 volts.
May your RAMS be fruitful and multiply.
 -- Curt Suplee, "Smithsonian", 4/83
%%
Only the foolish would arm the unemployed.
%%
Only the good die young.
%%
Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat.
%%
Only the half-mad are wholly alive.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core.
 -- Hannah Arendt.
%%
Only the insane have strength enough to prosper: only
those that prosper truly judge what is sane.
%%
Only the lavender prairie dogs know the key to unlock the secret of the
tumble-weeds.
%%
Only the madman is absolutely sure.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson
%%
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
 -- Jean Giraudoux
%%
----=only the paranoids survive=-----
%%
Only the shallow know themselves.
 -- Oscar Wilde, Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young
%%
Only the sinner has the right to preach.
 -- Christopher Morley
%%
Only the suppressed word is dangerous.
 -- Ludwig Borne
%%
Only the toes knows.
 -- Mel Profitt
%%
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
 -- Gary Wills, in "New York Times", 1975
%%
Only the young die good.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
Only thing bad blood do is mess up a good man's mind.
 -- Elton John
%%
'only thing worse than watchin' a bad movie is being in one.
 -- Elvis
%%
Only think of Cockie Graves having gone and done it!
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book i, Chap. ii
%%
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
 -- Robert Francis Kennedy (1925-1968)
%%
Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses
are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.
 -- Lao Tsu
%%
Only through art can we emerge from ourselves and know what another person
sees.
 -- Marcel Proust, Maxims
%%
Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
%%
 ... only to the extent which -- in chains, in dungeons, in hidden
corners, in the cells of philosophers, in the shops of traders --
some men continued to think, only to that extent was humanity able
to survive ... He was the man of extravagant energy -- and reckless
generosity -- who knew that stagnation was not man's fate, that
impotence is not his nature, that the ingenuity of his mind is his
noblest and most joyous power -- and in service to that love of
existence he was alone to feel, he went on working, working at any
price, working for his despoilers, for his jailers, for his torturers,
paying with his life for the privilege of saving theirs.
 -- John Galt
%%
Only trust thyself, and another shall not betray thee.
 -- William Penn
%%
Only two groups of people fall for flattery- men and women.
%%
Only two magazines can be stacked up in bathrooms -- National
Geographic and Reader's Digest.  Issues must be at least five years old.
%%
Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one
of them is paranoid, and the other one is out to get him.
%%
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human
 stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Only way to open lips of pigeon, sledgehammer.
%%
Only when a tree has fallen can you take measure of it.  It is the same
with a man.
%%
Only when the Sun starts to orbit the Earth will I accept the Bible.
 -- Keith M. Ryan
%%
Only when you are alone does the house make those strange noises, which is
 why no one else has ever heard them.
%%
Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff
on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it.
 -- Linus Torvalds
%%
Only with a true friend's input can we hope to see our world clearly,
for our own perception always seems the truth.
 -- Dr. Richard Fritz
%%
Only wizards are able to zap a wand.
%%
On marriage:
 Why buy a book when you can borrow one from the library?
%%
On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
 created jerks.
 -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
%%
On Monday, when the sun is hot,
I wonder to myself a lot;
'Now is it true, or is it not,
'That what is which and which is what?'

"On Tuesday, when it hails and snows,
The feeling on me grows and grows
That hardly anybody knows
If those are these or these are those."

"On Wednesday, when the sky is blue,
And I have nothing else to do,
I sometimes wonder if it's true
That who is what and what is who."
 -- A.A. Milne, Winnie The Pooh
%%
On my first acid trip, I thought I was God.  On my second
acid trip I thought I was Jesus.  On my third trip I thought
I was Napoleon and on my fourth trip I thought I was a toadstool.
It's been going down that way, trip after trip, until my last
acid trip when I thought I was Richard M. Nixon and I'm not
going to take any more acid.
 -- from "The Great Escape: A Source Book of
                 Delights and Pleasures for the Mind & Body"
%%
On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.'  I
 wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
 -- Tom Lehrer, lecturing in "The Nature of Math", 4/4/90
%%
On my planet there is a saying -- the man who trusts can
never be betrayed, only mistaken....
 -- Cally
Life expectancy must be fairly short among your people....
 -- Avon
%%
On my planet, to rest is to rest -- to cease using energy.  To me,
  it is quite illogical to run up and down on green grass, using
  energy, instead of saving it.
 -- Spock, "Shore Leave," stardate 3025.2.
%%
On ne peut rassembler les Francais que sous le coup de la peur.
On ne peut pas rassembler a froid un pays qui compte 246
specialites de fromages."
[How do you govern a country which has 246 different kinds of cheese?]
 -- Charles De Gaulle
%%
On n'est jamais si heureux ni si malheureux qu'on s'imagine.
(One is never so happy or so unhappy as one thinks.)
 -- Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove
 himself from his place of residence.
%%
On one issue at least, men and women agree;
they both distrust women.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
On one occasion Aristotle was asked how much educated men were superior
to those uneducated: "As much," said he, "as the living are to the
dead."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
On one occasion a student burst into his office.  "Professor Stigler,
I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me."  To which Stigler
replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University
will allow me to award."
%%
On one occasion some one put a very little wine into a wine-cooler,
and said that it was sixteen years old. "It is very small for its
age," said Gnathaena.
 -- Athenaeus (c. 200 AD)
 -- The Deipnosophists, xiii, 47
%%
On one screen, you see a beautiful view of a planet.  On another, you
can see a telescopic enlargement showing four square islands grouped
together.  there is a large building on one of the islands, indicating
some kind of intelligent life-forms exist on the planet.  A third screen
shows the results of a deep-probe scan on the same islands, thus
revealing underground caverns.  But by far the largest screen shows
the view in the other direction -- a fleet of hostile-looking ships, all
firing on this ship at once!  A small status indicator reads "Condition
red".
%%
     On one side you have book burners, Congressional wives and Pat Robertson.
     On the other side, you have vulgar comedians, foul-mouthed rap groups and
     Dennis Hopper--all your choices should be so easy.
 -- SANDRA BERNHARD
%%
On Oprah Winfrey's income:  "$83 million?  Oprah and I do basically the same
thing.    Stand in front of people and abuse them."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
On or about October 19, 1745 a man named Johnathan Swift, or a spelling
 near unto this, died, or is said to have died, since the vital signs, the
 majority of them at least, are alleged not to have been present. The man
 left the bulk of his estate, or what is sometimes called the major part of
 it, as distinguished from the smaller or lesser part, to the building and
 endowment of an insane asylum, or as it is called today, a mental facility
 of some permanency, to house and home as many inmates for as long as
 necessary as the annual endowment would allow. In other words, Swift is
 said to have SO HATED THE WORLD THAT HE LEFT HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SUM TO SHAME
 IT.
%%
On our campus the UNIX system has proved to be not only an effective software
tool, but an agent of technical and social change within the University.
 -- John Lions (U. of Toronto (?))
%%
O, now, for ever
Farewell the tranquil mind! farewell content!
Farewell the plumed troop and the big wars
That make ambition virtue! O, farewell!
Farewell the neighing steed and the shrill trump,
The spirit-stirring drum, the ear-piercing fife,
The royal banner, and all quality,
Pride, pomp, and circumstance of glorious war!
And, O you mortal engines, whose rude throats
The immortal Jove's dread clamours counterfeit,
Farewell! Othello's occupation 's gone!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
On parent knees, a naked new-born child,
Weeping thou sat'st while all around thee smiled;
So live, that sinking in thy last long sleep,
Calm thou mayst smile, while all around thee weep.
 -- Sir William Jones (1746-1794)
 -- From the Persian
%%
On Prague's proud arch the fires of ruin glow,
His blood-dyed waters murmuring far below.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part i, Line 385
%%
On Presidents Day you stay home and you don't do anything. Sounds like Vice
 Presidents Day!
 -- Jay Leno
%%
   [On randomly generated sentences.] I think that it is hard to read
such material without amusement.  I feel a little admiration as well.  I would
never write, 'It happened one frosty look of trees waving gracefully against
the wall.'  I almost wish I could.  Poor poets endlessly rhyme love with dove,
and they are constrained by their highly trained mediocrity never to write a
good line.  In some sense, a stochastic process can do better; it at least has
a chance.
 -- J. R. Pierce, Symbols, Signals, and Noise
%%
On receiving a check made out to "Bearer": "How could you spell
my name like that?"
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
On second thought, a philosopher is any person who doesn't want what
he can't get.
%%
On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and
 watch REGIS PHILBIN..  It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
On Siamese Fighting Fish:  "They're beautiful, they're elegant, they're vicious
as hell...there's a real life lesson here somewhere."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
On soap operas all whites are in personal touch with (a) a doctor
and (b) a lawyer.
 -- James L. Davis
%%
On successive charts of the same organization, the number of boxes
will never decrease.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
On the approach of spring I withdraw without reluctance from the noisy
and extensive scene of crowds without company, and dissipation without
pleasure.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Memoirs, Vol. i, p. 116
%%
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout
 its useful life.
%%
On the branch is a small birds nest.
%%
On the business front, UNIX has been under attack from a variety of sources,
 primarily by the nonexistant Windows NT.  Luckily, the UNIX vendors have their
 own nonexistant products with which to answer the threat.
 -- Stephen C. Johnson, President (Usenix)
%%
On the campaign trail last week, Pat Buchanan said:
"I don't want to attack Dan Quayle.  That would be child abuse."
%%
On the day of victory no one is tired.
 -- Arab proverb
%%
[On the difference between political life and academic life:]
 In Washington, it's dog eat dog.  In academia, it's exactly the opposite.
 -- Robert Reich, Secretary of Labor and Harvard lecturer, on NPR
%%
On the ear
Drops the light drip of the suspended oar.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 86
%%
On the eighth day, God created FORTRAN.
%%
On the far wall is a rusty box, whose door has been blown off.
%%
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
%%
On the first day of layoffs, my manager said to me............
"Send your lyrics in Now!
The 70 days of layoffs
is the all season carol of the 1990s!!!"
 -- Dan at work
%%
On the floor is a gold Zorkmid coin (a valuable collector's item).
%%
On the floor lies a moby ruby.
%%
On the floor sit 200 neatly stacked Zorkmid bills.
%%
On the ground lies a small glass vial filled with an oily liquid.
%%
On the heights it is warmer than one thinks in the valleys.
%%
On the internet, nobody knows you are a bear.
 -- Tovah Hollander
%%
On the Internet no one knows your bike is a dog.
%%
On their own merits modest men are dumb.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- Epilogue to the Heir at Law
%%
On the market, there can be no such thing as exploitation.
 -- Murray Rothbard
%%
On the mountain, a tree:
The image of Development.
Thus the superior man abides in dignity and virtue,
In order to improve the mores.
%%
On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain:  either you
will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers
so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
On the Net - No one can hear you scream.
%%
"On the night of the tenth of May[1940], at the outset of this mighty
battle, I acquired the chief power in the State, which henceforth
I wielded in ever-growing measure for five years and three months
of world war, at the end of which time, all our enemies having surrendered
unconditionally or being about to do so, I was immediately dismissed
by the British electorate from all further conduct of their affairs."
 -- Sir Winston Churchill, "The Gathering Storm"
%%
On the old "You Bet Your Life" program, Groucho Marx was getting to know
one of his contestants.  The man told Groucho that he had 10 children.
"Why so many children?" Groucho asked.        "Well, I love my wife", the man
answered.  Groucho paused but a second, then said "I love my cigar but
I take it out of my mouth once in a while!"
%%
On the other hand, it is impossible for a cube to be written as a sum of
two cubes or a fourth power to be written as a sum of two fourth powers
or, in general, for any number which is a power greater than the
second to be written as a sum of two like powers.  I have a truly
marvelous demonstration of this proposition which this margin is too
narrow to contain.
 -- Fermat
 -- Fermat's Last Theorem, by Harold Edwards
%%
On the other hand, it takes real moral fiber to
 remain a Republican when there's no money in it.
 And things *are* looking grim on the financial
 front.  Even worse for the President, they're
 getting confusing.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL
 QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD
 if only we let it!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
On the other hand, we cannot ignore efficiency.
 -- Jon Bently
%%
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
On the other size of the door is a narrow passage which opens out
into a larger area.
%%
On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.
 -- Virginia Woolf
%%
On the Pacific Coast Highway, somewhere in S. Cal.:
"No motorized bicycles, horses, or dogs allowed on pier."

[It's a good thing I still have my old wind-up dog around!]
%%
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that
can be done as easily lying down.  The difference between sex and death
is that with death you can do it alone and
no one is going to make fun of you.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
On the release of her album "True Blue": "I hope my record gets out before the
world blows up.
 -- Madonna
%%
On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never
 without a POINT.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
On the shore lies Neptune's own crystal trident.
%%
On the stage he was natural, simple, affecting,
'Twas only when he was off, he was acting.
 -- Goldsmith
%%
On the subject of C program indentation:

    In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be
         indented six feet downward and covered with dirt.
 -- Blair P. Houghton
%%
On the sudden
A Roman thought hath struck him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
On the surface, selling arms to a country that sponsors terrorism, of
course, clearly, you'd have to argue it's wrong, but it's the
exception sometimes that proves the rule.
 -- Vice President George Bush, August 1987
%%
On the theory that one should never take anything for granted, follow up on
everything, but especially those items varying from the norm. The greater the
divergence from normal routine and/or the greater the number of offices
potentially involved, the better the chance a never-to-be-discovered
person will file the problem away in a drawer specifically designed
for items requiring a decision.
 -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
On the tongue of such an one they shed a honeyed dew,
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- The Theogony, Line 82
%%
On 'the totally suffering individual' (i.e. no food, no oxygen, no water, no
self-esteem, no safety, no friends, no money, sick and in pain, etc.)  "You
can't do this with people, which takes all the fun out of life."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
On the two ends of the altar are burning candles.
%%
On the unlabeled disk? HELL they're all unlabeled!
%%
On the wall of a church was a sign:
"If you are tired of sin, come to see us!"

And right below it, in nice rounded letters:
"But if you're not, my phone number is 341-3451!"
%%
On the wall of the women's restroom in the Enterprise:
"Where no man has gone before."
%%
On the whole human beings want to be good,
but not too good and not quite all the time.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950), collected essays
%%
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
 -- W. C. Fields' epitaph
%%

On this day, New York City hotel detectives burst in and caught then-
Senator Warren G. Harding in bed with an underage girl.  He bought them
off with a $20 bribe, and later remarked thankfully, I thought I
wouldn't get out of that under $1000!    Always one to learn from his
mistakes, in later years President Harding carried on his affairs in a
tiny closet in the White House Cabinet Room while Secret Service men
stood lookout.
 -- GREAT MOMENTS IN AMERICAN HISTORY #21 -- July 30, 1917
%%
On this point we want to be perfectly clear: socialism has nothing to do
with equalizing.  Socialism cannot ensure conditions of life and
consumption in accordance with the principle "From each according to his
ability, to each according to his needs."    This will be under communism.
Socialism has a different criterion for distributing social benefits:
"From each according to his ability, to each according to his work."'
 -- Mikhail Gorbachev, _Perestroika_
%%
On this question of principle, while actual suffering was yet afar
off, they [the Colonies] raised their flag against a power to which,
for purposes of foreign conquest and subjugation, Rome in the height
of her glory is not to be compared,--a power which has dotted over
the surface of the whole globe with her possessions and military posts,
whose morning drum-beat, following the sun,
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech, May 7, 1834, p. 110
%%
On this ship, you are my Commander and I obey. In Council Chamber, you are
  my cha'DIch. You do not insist, you obey.
 -- Worf to Kurn, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
On this shrunken globe, man can no longer live as strangers.
 -- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
On this site I am going to build a forty-story building to house nothing
 but eye doctors and opticians. It will be a site for sore eyes.
 -- Colonel Lemuel Stoopnagle (Frederick Taylor)
%%
Ontogeny recapitulates philogeny ---
or, is that ontology recapitulates philology...???
%%
Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny!
%%
Onto the lewd all things are lewd.
 -- Theodore Schroeder (1864-?)
%%
On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr.
Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers
come out?'   I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas
that could provoke such a question.
 -- Charles Babbage
%%
"On Vacation. Beat it."
 -- Sign outside brothel
%%
On very rare occasions when chance overcomes all other considerations by
 sheer accident, statistics may actually prove the truth.
%%
Onwards Christian Soldiers,
Onwards Buddhist Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till you're deceased.
Fight your little battles.
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory,
of Dis-cord-i-a.
Yah, yah, yah,
Yah, yah, yah, yah.
Blfffffffffffft!
 -- An Erisian Hymn
 -- by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone, KOB Episkopos,
 -- THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS
%%
Onward, through the fog.
%%
On weightlifting: "Picking up something heavy and then putting it back
down?  That's not sport, that's indecision."
 -- Paula Poundstone
%%
On what?
%%
"On wings of winds came flying all abroad."
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 218
%%
On y soit, qui mal y pense.  [You are what you think].
%%
       |\/\/\/|     ____/|              ___    |\_/|    ___
       |      |     \ o.O|   ACK!      /   \_  |` '|  _/   \
       |      |      =(_)=  THPHTH!   /      \/     \/      \
       | (o)(o)        U             /                       \
       C      _)  (__)                \/\/\/\  _____  /\/\/\/
       | ,___|    (oo)                       \/     \/
       |   /       \/-------\         U                  (__)
      /____\        ||     | \    /---V  `v'-            oo )
     /      \       ||---W||  *  * |--|   || |`.         |_/\
%%
         (__)
         (oo)
  /-------\/
 / |     ||
*  ||----||
   ~~    ~~
     Cow
%%
                        (__)
                ~~      (oo)
            ~~~~ /-------\/
         ~~~~~  / |     ||
       ~~~~~   *  ||----||
    ~~~~~~~~  ====~~====~~====
~~~~~~~~~/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu
%%
    *
     \
  \
  |\
\ | \ (__)
\\|| \(oo)
 \||\ \\/
  ~~ \||
   \\ ||
    \\||
     \||
      ~~
        \\_
         \_
Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen
%%
               )\               (__)
              /  \              (oo)
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
           Cow swimming at Amityville
(Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated)
%%
 (  )
--OO-- Cow Trying To Be A Cunning Pike
%%
  |
-O_O-  Cunning Pike
%%
  |
  |
  |
  |
\ | /
-O_O-
/ | \                        Cunning Pike Disguised As Spider
%%
       --------------|
    |   |            |
                     |
    |   |            |
      |              |
    -O_O-            |
                     |
                     |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~--- Cunning Pike Doing The High Dive
%%
  --     |
  --   -O_O-       Cunning Pike On Skateboard
  --   ==========
        O      O
%%
  |
-O_O-
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 ^ ^                Cunning Pike On Stilts
%%
         /|
  |     | |
-O_O-|  | |
     |  | |
     |  | |
     |  | |_______________
     |  |_/_____________/ |
     |  |_______________|/  Cunning Pike Pole Vaulting
%%
  |
-O_O-     Cunning Pike With Necklace
 \o/
%%
                                 ////
                                (O-O)  < Have a nice DAY...
 +--------------------------oOO--(_)--OOo--------------------------+
%%
Ooh Baby, just you shut your mouth.
%%
Ooh I was ugly, so ugly that when I was born the Doctor told my mother
"I did all I could but he pulled through anyway".
%%
         ____
        (____)

          (__)
         (oo)
  /-------\/
 / |     ||
*  ||----||
   ~~    ~~
   holy cow
%%
               !^^^^^^!
               !      !
               !      !
               ! (o)(o)      ______________________________
               @      _)  __/                              !
                ! `___! /___    I didn't do it,            !
                !   /       \   nobody saw me do it,       !
               /____\        \  you cant't prove anything  !
              /      \        \____________________________!
%%
____|____
| -O_O- |    Limbo Dancing Cunning Pike
%%
          (__)
          (oo)     M   M   O0O   OOO
   /-------\/  --- MM MM  O   O O   O
  / |     ||       M M M  O   O O   O
 *  ||----||       M   M   O0O   OOO
    ~~    ~~
        COW
%%
Oongowa mean it dark in there.
%%
    O                                o o
   ___              ___              |_|
  <*,*>            <\,/>            <*,*>
  [`-']            [`-']            [`-']
  -"-"-            -"-"-            -"-"-
 Holy owl       Satanic owld     Martian Owl
%%
__________________
|     |    |     |
|     |    |     |
|  |  |    |     |
|-O_O-|    |     |
           |     |
           |  |  |
           |-O_O-|   Acrobatic Cunning Pikes
%%
Oooo, do that again.
%%
                              +
                             ***
                          o ***** o
                          |*******|
                        o ********* o
                        |***********|
                      o ************* o
                      |***************|
                             |||
                             |||
                             |||
                             |||
%%
         O__O                             \_|_/
         (oo)                             (oo)
  /-------\/                       /-------\/
 / |     ||                       / |     ||
*  ||----||                      *  ||----||
   ~~    ~~                         ~~    ~~
Cow at Disneyland       Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty
%%
Ooooooeee!  They sure serve up them four-year-olds good, don't they?
%%
Ooooooh, nooooooo, not tonite!!
%%
 Oooooommmmmmmmmmm...  (Heavy panting and breathing in the
 background), Oh!  Sorry, I can't come (Oh!  Yes!  Do it to me)
 to the (Oh!) phone right now (pant pant), leave your name and
 number at the (scream, I'm gonna come!) orgasm.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
  \o/   \o        __|    \ /     |__        o/   \o/   \o
   |    /\   __\o   \o    |    o/    o/__   /\    |    /\  \__/
 _/_\__|_\__/)_|____(_\__/o\__/_)____|__(\__/_|__/_\__|_\__/ /o

                                                              \ /
                                                               |
                                                              /o\

 _____________________________________________________________\_/__
%%
              ##### | #####
             # _ _ #|# _ _ #
             #      |      #
       |       ############
                   # #
|                  # #
                  #   #
       |     |    #   #      |        |
|  |             #     #               |
       | |   |   # .-. #         |
                 #( O )#    |    |     |
|  ################. .###############  |
 ##  _ _|____|     ###     |_ __| _  ##
#  |                                |  #
#  |    |    |    |   |    |    |   |  #
 ######################################
                 #     #
                  #####
             OOOOOOO|OOOOOOO   "I think you have to push the stick forward."
                    U
%%
  _   _   _   _
-O_O-O_O-O_O-O_O-
-O_O-O_O-O_O-O_O-
-O_O-O_O-O_O-O_O-        Cunning Pike Wallpaper
%%
      _
  _  / \                           o
 / \ | |                       o           o             o
 | | | |                            o               o
 | | | |   _                    o    o                 o       o
 | \_| |  / \                 o                     o    o
  \__  |  | |             o                           o
     | |  | |            ______   ~~~~              _____
     | |__/ |          / ___--\\ ~~~             __/_____\__
     |  ___/          / \--\\  \\   \ ___       <__  x x  __\
     | |             / /\\  \\       ))  \         (  "  )
     | |    -- -----(---->>(@)--(@)-------\----------< >-----------
     | |   //       | | //__________  /    \    ____)   (___      \\
     | |  //      __|_|  ( --------- )      //// ______ /////\     \\
         //       |    (  \ ______  /      <<<< <>-----<<<<< /      \\
        //       (     )                      / /         \` \__     \\
       //-------------------------------------------------------------\\
Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start
closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive
like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume
and at least a pint of ether.
 -- H. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
%%
  oooOOOOOOOOOOO
  o   ____          :::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::: __|-----|__
  Y_,_|[]| --++++++ |[][][][][][][][]| |[][][][][][][][]| |  [] []  |
 {|_|_|__|;|______|;|________________|;|________________|;|_________|;
  /oo--OO   oo  oo   oo oo      oo oo   oo oo      oo oo   oo     oo
%%
         o  o
         |__|             (__)             (__)
         (oo)             (oo)            =(oo)=         oo
  /-------\/       /-------vv       /-------\/
 / |     ||       / |     ||       / |     ||
*  ||----||      *  ||----||      *  ||----||
   ~~    ~~         ~~    ~~         ~~    ~~
 bill bixby        bela lugosi      boris karloff  claude rains
 male relative     cow              cow            cow
 cow
%%
     o      o     o    o     o    <o     <o>    o>    o
    .|.    \|.   \|/   //    X     \      |    <|    <|>
     /\     >\   /<    >\   /<     >\    /<     >\    /<

Mr. ASCIIhead learns the Macarena.

 -- Reason #173 to fear technology...
%%
      |
    -O_O-
  |       |
-O_O-   -O_O-  Synchronised Swimming Pikes
      |
    -O_O-
%%
                                            (___)
       \^^^^^^^^\   (__)                    (o o)
        \^^^^^^^^\\ (oo)                     \ /
     *-----\_______\/\/                    \--O--/
   ^_______/   ---  \______^              // -----\
  ^--------\   \S/  /\_____^              \\/_^{} /==V===[]
            \______/                        \_____\\//
                                             \__/
It's a bird...                               //\\         The Boss
 It's a plane...                             //  \\   (Bruce Holstien)
                                             //   //
                                             ^^    ^^
%%
           (__)                    (__)                   (__)
           (oo)                    (OO)                   (xx)
    /-------\/              /-------\/             /-------\/
   / |     ||              / |     ||             / |     ||
  *  ||----||             *  ||----||            *  ||----||
     ~~    ~~                ~~    ~~               ~~    ~~
       Cow               Cow 10 miles from        Cow 1 mile from
                         nuclear waste dump      nuclear waste dump
%%
Ooops.
 -- Captain of Titanic
%%
                        ~ ) ~
       ()--()             ()
        'O O'--------------()
       {  o  }         _____)
      { }-u-{ }      _(     )
      { |   | } \--`(______)
       "     "    Buga Buga Buga
%%
      ___             ___         _____   _
     <*,*>           <*,*>       /o    \_/ |      * *
     [`-//           [`o']      [       _  |
     -"-"-           -"-"-       `-----' `-'
 owl with sling   medalion owl   surreal owl   owl in cave
%%
 \__/      \__/       \__/       \__/       \__/       \__/       \__/
 (oo)      (o-)       (@@)       (xx)       (--)       (  )       (OO)
//||\\    //||\\     //||\\     //||\\     //||\\     //||\\     //||\\
 bug       bug        bug/w      dead       bug       blind     bug after
         winking    hangover     bug      sleeping     bug      seeing a
                                                                 female
                                                                  bug
%%
Ooph!  This tastes like liquid fire!
%%
Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard.  I'd better wash it off after
 we kill this fire lizard.
%%
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
%%
Oops, time for Ponn Farr.
%%
"Oops"?!? Whaddya mean "Oops"?!?
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
  +
-O_O-  Queen Cunning Pike
%%
  |
-O O-  Shocked Cunning Pike
  o
%%
                     (__)
                     (oo)
  /-------------------\/
 / |                 ||
*  ||----------------||
   ^^                ^^
Stretch Cow
%%
Oota goota, Solo?  Soam peetalay.  EE mal-a-tran tee-tachma geekeetna.
 -- Greeto (Bounty Hunter) to Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
       \ (__)
       \\(oo)
  /-----\\\/
 / |    (##)
*  ||----||"
   ~~    ~~
This cow plays bagpipes.
%%
    ___           ___               _|||_             /_\
   <#,#>         <o-o>              <*,*>            <*,*>
   [`-']         [`-']              [`-']            [`-']
 -- "-"-         -"-"-              -"-"-            -"-"-
  T-V owl   owl with glasses   owl with top-hat   owl with fez
%%
  |  |   |   |  |
-( -(  -O_O-  )- )- Vibrating Cunning Pike
%%
    o o
\___XXX___/
   XXXXX
 __XXXXX__
/   XXX   \
     V
%%
O, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth,
That I am meek and gentle with these butchers!
Thou art the ruins of the noblest man
That ever lived in the tide of times.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Open confession is good for the soul.
%%
:Open DeathTrap: n. Abusive hackerism for the Santa Cruz
   Operation's `Open DeskTop' product, a Motif-based graphical
   interface over their UNIX.  The funniest part is that this was
   coined by SCO's own developers....  Compare {AIDX},
   {Macintrash} {Nominal Semidestructor}, {ScumOS},
   {sun-stools}, {HP-SUX}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Open doors we find our way; we look, we see, we smile.
%%
Opening an open object is far from productive.
%%
Opening a tin is difficult, especially when you are not so strong!
%%
Opening a tin is difficult, especially when you attempt this bare handed!
%%
Opening his two eyes, [Ra, the Sun god] cast light on Egypt, he
separated the night from day.  The gods came forth from his mouth and
mankind from his eyes. All things took their birth from him, the child
who shines in the lotus and whose rays cause all beings to live.
%%
Opening night--the night before the play is ready to open.
%%
Opening night ... you will find a sizable number of people with severe
 respiratory infections who have, it appears, defied their doctors, torn
 aside oxygen tents, evaded the floor nurses at various hospitals, and
 courageously made their way to the theater to enjoy the play--the Discreet
 Choker and the Straight Cougher.
 -- Mike Nichols
%%
Open marriage is nature's way of telling you you need a divorce.
 -- Marshall Brickman
%%
Open Mouth, Insert Foot, Chew Carefully.
%%
Open mouth. Insert Foot. Echo internationally.
%%
:open: n. Abbreviation for `open (or left) parenthesis' --- used when
   necessary to eliminate oral ambiguity.  To read aloud the LISP form
   (DEFUN FOO (X) (PLUS X 1)) one might say: "Open defun foo, open
   eks close, open, plus eks one, close close."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Open rebuke is better than secret love.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvii, 5
%%
:open switch: [IBM: prob. from railroading] n. An unresolved
   question, issue, or problem.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
`Open systems' is a command, like `open sesame' -- it means they want your
wallet to open.
 -- Geoff Collyer
%%
Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
 -- Dave Bowman, Arthur C. Clarke's "2001"
%%
Open up!  Mental Health Police
%%
Open your mind before you open your mouth.
%%
Open your purse and your mouth cautiously; and your stock of wealth
and reputation shall, at least in repute, be great.
 -- Zimmerman
%%
OPERA
  For centuries now, Opera has been the foremost method of
  humiliation available to the security forces. It began in the late
  1600s, when peasant rebels were made to dress up as ridiculously
  fat people and get up on wooden planks in front of hundreds of
  their peers and shout the same things over and over and over, to a
  musical accompaniment.
      By the time the French Revolution came rolling along, it was
  the aristocrats who were forced to the stage to sing, gesticulate
  wildly and loudly perform plays devised to spread Revolutionary
  propaganda.
      Nowadays, Opera has been driven underground, but is still
  carried out by the perverse, the deviant, and those with very big
  tits (both men and women), their audiences made up almost
  exclusively of establishment figures.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Opera: I like it, except for all those howling sopranos and caterwauling
tenors. (Why can't tenors sing like men?)
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding,
 he sings.
 -- Ed Gardner
%%
Opera -- it's no more unreal than the people who are watching it.
 -- Heard on Public Radio
%%
Opera - Music that goes in one aria and out the other.
%%
OPERA, n.  A play representing life in another world, whose
inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no
postures but attitudes.  All acting is simulation, and the word
_simulation_ is from _simia_, an ape; but in opera the actor takes for
his model _Simia audibilis_ (or _Pithecanthropos stentor_) -- the ape
that howls.

    The actor apes a man -- at least in shape;
    The opera performer apes and ape.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Opera occurs when someone gets seriously wounded, and rather than see a
 doctor like most mortals, decides rather to sing about this painful
 experience, in some manner with the hope that this will spread the pain
 around among the listeners. Often, the effort is successful.
%%
 (Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":)  Hi, you've
 reached Hell.  (Screams in the background.)  We're busy being
 cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave
 your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at
 the end of time.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your
            software. We are terribly sorry.
 -- WindowError: 01A
%%
Operating-system software is the program that orchestrates all the basic
functions of a computer.
 -- The Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, September 15, 1987, page 40
%%
:operating system:: [techspeak] n. (Often abbreviated `OS') The
   foundation software of a machine, of course; that which schedules
   tasks, allocates storage, and presents a default interface to the
   user between applications.  The facilities an operating system
   provides and its general design philosophy exert an extremely
   strong influence on programming style and on the technical cultures
   that grow up around its host machines.  Hacker folklore has been
   shaped primarily by the {{UNIX}}, {{ITS}}, {{TOPS-10}},
   {{TOPS-20}}/{{TWENEX}}, {{WAITS}}, {{CP/M}}, {{MS-DOS}}, and
   {{Multics}} operating systems (most importantly by ITS and
   UNIX).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last
 fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.
 -- Sir Julian Huxley
%%
Operation coded OVERKILL has started now.
%%
Operation instructions shipped with the unit will be discarded by Receiving.
 -- The RPCISPE's Fourteenth Universal Law
%%
OPERATOR ERROR: (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)hoot...
%%
OPERATOR ERROR: Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah.
%%
Operator give me a wrong number, I want to talk to my mother-in-law.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
OPERATORS do it person-to-person.
%%
Operators mount everything.
%%
OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
%%
Ophidiophobia : Fear of snakes
Pyrophobia : Fear of fire
Astraphobia : Fear of thunderstorms
Cynophobia : Fear of dogs
Ailurophobia : Fear of cats
Nyctophobia : Fear of darkness
Triskaidekaphobia : Fear of the number 13
Phobophobia : Fear of fear
%%
OPIATE, n.  An unlocked door in the prison of Identity.  It leads into
the jail yard.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Opinions are like assholes -- everyone's got one, but nobody wants to
look at the other guy's.
 -- Hal Hickman
%%
** Opinions & comments are mine - not necessarily those of my employers **
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Opinions expressed are my own.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Opinions expressed here are mine
alone and do not reflect those of
my Company.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained
with the greatest violence.
 -- Hebrew Proverb
%%
Opinions R my own, unless U agree with me.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Opinions: They are mine all mine, if you want some get your own
Opinions: If the company wants them, they can pay for some.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Opinion, that great fool, makes fools of all.
 -- Field
%%
Opinion, the blind goddess of fools, foe To the virtuous, and only
friend to Undeserving persons.
 -- Chapman
%%
OPINION: Where "moderation" means "attack."
%%
:op: /op/ n. 1. In England and Ireland, common verbal
   abbreviation for `operator', as in system operator.  Less common in
   the U.S., where {sysop} seems to be preferred.  2. [IRC] Someone
   who is endowed with privileges on {IRC}, not limited to a
   particular channel.  These are generally people who are in charge
   of the IRC server at their particular site.  Sometimes used
   interchangeably with {CHOP}.  Compare {sysop}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Oppernockity tunes but once.
%%
OPP     Optimize Programmer.
%%
OPP     Order Pizza for Programmer
%%
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
 -- Sun Tzu
%%
Opportunity- A good chance that always looks bigger going than coming.
%%
 Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
 -- Ducharme's Precept
%%
Opportunity has hair in front, but behind she is bald; if you seize her
by the forelock, you may hold her, but if suffered to escape, not Jupiter
himself can catch her again.
%%
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls
and looks like work.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
%%
Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor.
 -- Into the Woods
%%
Opportunity knocks but once.
%%
Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
%%
Opportunity, n.  A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Opportunity... often comes disguised in the form of misfortune,
or temporary defeat.
 -- Napoleon Hill
%%
Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #9
%%
OPPOSE, v.  To assist with obstructions and objections.

    How lonely he who thinks to vex
    With bandinage the Solemn Sex!
    Of levity, Mere Man, beware;
    None but the Grave deserve the Unfair.
                                                     Percy P. Orminder
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
 Opposites are cures for opposites.
 --         Hippocrates   c. 460-400 BC
 --       Breaths, bk. I
%%
Opposites attract.
%%
Opposite weirdnesses attract--all weirdness is opposite
%%
Opposition brings concord. Out of discord comes the fairest harmony.
Heraclitus
%%
Opposition. In small matters, good fortune.
%%
Oppress'd with two weak evils, age and hunger.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
Oppression can only survive through silence.
 -- Carmen de Monteflores
%%
Oppression. Success. Perseverance.
The great man brings about good fortune.
No blame.
When one has something to say,
It is not believed.
%%
O'propriation:
 The inclusion of advertising, packaging, and entertainment
jargon from earlier eras in everyday speech for ironic and/or comic
effect: "Kathleen's Favorite Dead Celebrity party was tons o' fun" or
"Dave really thinks of himself as a zany, nutty, wacky, and madcap
guy, doesn't he?"
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
O Proserpina,
For the flowers now, that frighted thou let'st fall
From Dis's waggon! daffodils,
That come before the swallow dares, and take
The winds of March with beauty; violets dim,
But sweeter than the lids of Juno's eyes
Or Cytherea's breath; pale primroses,
That die unmarried, ere they can behold
Bright Phoebus in his strength,--a malady
Most incident to maids; bold oxlips and
The crown imperial; lilies of all kinds,
The flower-de-luce being one.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Winter's Tale
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
OPTICAL SCANNER - male visitor in the key punch section.
%%
Optimism is an intellectual choice
 -- Diana Schneider
%%
Optimism is the content of small men in high places.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
OPTIMISM, n.  The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful,
including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and
everything right that is wrong.  It is held with greatest tenacity by
those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and
is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile.  Being a
blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof -- an
intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death.  It is
hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:optimism: n. What a programmer is full of after fixing
   the last bug and just before actually discovering the *next*
   last bug.  Fred Brooks's book "The Mythical Man-Month" (See
   "Brooks's Law") contains the following paragraph that describes
   this extremely well:

     All programmers are optimists.  Perhaps this
     modern sorcery especially attracts those who believe in happy
     endings and fairy god-mothers.  Perhaps the hundreds of nitty
     frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the
     end goal.  Perhaps it is merely that computers are young,
     programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists.  But
     however the selection process works, the result is indisputable:
     "This time it will surely run," or "I just found the last bug.".

   See also {Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Optimist: A male who thinks she won't try.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
OPTIMIST:
     A proponent of the belief that black is white.
%%
Optimist is person who thinks he can break up traffic jam by blowing horn.
%%
OPTIMIST, n.  A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
    A pessimist applied to God for relief.
    "Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God.
    "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that
would justify them."
    "The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked
something -- the mortality of the optimist."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Optimists will pretend you're invisible.
%%
Optimization hinders evolution.
%%
>Optimization is not free. Gratuitous optimization can be translated directly
>into missing features or later release dates.
 -- Peter da Silva, peter@ficc.ferranti.com

...and more bugs.

...and performance optimization without thoughtful performance testing
is usually misdirected and, as above, at best does nothing and at worse
delays/worsens the product and drives up life-cycle costs.
 -- your humble cookie editor
%%
Optimization is not some mystical state of grace, it is an intricate act
 of human labor which carries real costs and real risks.
 -- Tom Neff
%%
Option Paralysis:
 The tendency, when given unlimited choices, to make none.
[Often experienced when asked what kind of salad dressing one wants.]
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.
%%
  |
-O_q-      Cunning Pike With Monacle
%%
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE:
   The word "No".
%%
Oralgami - The ancient Japanese art of folding words.
%%
Or almost like a spider, who, confin'd
In her web's centre, shakt with every winde,
Moves in an instant if the buzzing flie
Stir but a string of her lawn canapie.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Sixth Day
%%
Oral Roberts is not above making God an accomplice in his latest infamous
 ignobility, the nadir of which always seems to be record breaking. Every
 quasi-successful accomplishment is heralded with copious prayers,
 incantations and benedictions, not to mention the endless claims for what
 God does on Oral's television programs. There is never a lack of prayer for
 any victorious enormity, no matter how gross or perfideous. Proof positive,
 the higher the degree of ridiculousness the higher the probability of
 success.
%%
Oral Roberts is sure the end is near, but he has hired two extra people to
 work on his listeners, to put him into their will!
%%
Oral sex is a question about taste.
%%
:Orange Book: n. The U.S. Government's standards document
   "Trusted Computer System Evaluation Criteria, DOD standard
   5200.28-STD, December, 1985" which characterize secure computing
   architectures and defines levels A1 (most secure) through D
   (least).  Stock UNIXes are roughly C1, and can be upgraded to
   about C2 without excessive pain.  See also {{crayola books}},
   {{book titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Orange bright,
Like golden lamps in a green night.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- Bermudas
%%
Orange--its not only a symptom, its a crime.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Or, as a Southern friend of mine says, If at first you don't secede,
try, try again.
%%
ORATORY, n.  A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the
understanding.  A tyranny tempered by stenography.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Or bid the soul of Orpheus sing
Such notes as, warbled to the string,
Drew iron tears down Pluto's cheek.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 105
%%
Or call up him that left half told
The story of Cambuscan bold.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 109
%%
Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of ketchup).
%%
Order and creativity are complimentary.
 -- Lewis Mumford
%%
Order and simplification are the first steps toward
mastery of a subject - the actual enemy is the unknown.
 -- Thomas Mann (1875-1955)
%%
Order gave each thing view.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Order is heaven's first law; and this confest, Some are, and must
be, greater than the rest, More rich, more wise; but who infers from
hence That such are happier, shocks all common sense.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 49
%%
Order is the first requisite of liberty.
 -- Georg Wihelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831)
%%
Order is the sanity of the mind, the health of the body, the peace
of the city, the security of the state. As the beams to a house,
as the bones to the microcosm of man, so is order to all things.
 -- Southey
%%
ORDER
  The process of telling the waiter what you would like to eat,
  preferably a choice from that on the menu. Following the ordering
  process, you will make a note of everything that they forget to
  bring you, and finally find the courage to kick up a stink when the
  meal's over and everyone's leaving. The procedure then is for the
  restaurant to fall over themselves trying to make it up for you, by
  offering a free X (insert your forgotten choice here) even though
  you're not hungry, you're leaving now, and you didn't order X
  anyway, you ordered Y.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Order without liberty and liberty without order are equally destructive.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Order your summers suit.  Because is big rush we will
 execute customers in strict rotation.
 -- In a Rhodes tailor shop
%%
Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid
 -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Ordinarily, two half truths beget total error, unless the Government tells
 them, in which case they may well create chaos.
%%
Ordinary people know little of the time and effort it takes to learn to read.
I have been eighty years at it, and have not reached my goal.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Oregano is the spice of life.
 -- Henry J. Tillman
%%
OREGANO (Ore-gah-no): The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
%%
Oregonians don't tan, they rust.
%%
Oregon, n.: Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday
night.
%%
Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or
the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the
cistern.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xii, 6
%%
Or from Browning some "Pomegranate," which if cut deep down the middle
Shows a heart within blood-tinctured, of a veined humanity.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Lady Geraldine's Courtship, xli
%%
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
 Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
 -- Mike Adams
%%
Organic chemistry just now is enough to drive one mad. It gives one
the impression of a primeval tropical forest, full of the most
remarkable things, a monstrous and boundless thicket, with no way of
escape, and into which one may well dread to enter.
 -- Friedrich Wohler
%%
Organic Chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into
   publications.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Organic life, we are told, has developed gradually from the protozoon to
the philosopher; and this development, we are assured, is indubitably an
advance.  Unfortunately, it is the philosopher, not the protozoon, who
gives us this assurance.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
%%
Organization: n. Arrangement in an orderly or logical
fashion.  See 'miracle'.
%%
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year
 and spends very little on office supplies.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples' weakness,
 generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible
 to eradicate.
 -- Mike Hermann (hermann@cs.ubc.ca)
%%
organized: state of complete chaos.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Org.asm not found.  (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ake it.
%%
Or, having sworn too hard a keeping oath,
Study to break it and not break my troth.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
O Richard! O my king!
The universe forsakes thee!
 -- Michel Jean Sedaine (1717-1797)
 -- Sung at the Dinner given to the French Soldiers in the Opera Salon
 -- at Versailles, Oct. 1, 1789
%%
:oriental food:: n. Hackers display an intense tropism towards
   oriental cuisine, especially Chinese, and especially of the spicier
   varieties such as Szechuan and Hunan.  This phenomenon (which has
   also been observed in subcultures that overlap heavily with
   hackerdom, most notably science-fiction fandom) has never been
   satisfactorily explained, but is sufficiently intense that one can
   assume the target of a hackish dinner expedition to be the best
   local Chinese place and be right at least three times out of four.
   See also {ravs}, {great-wall}, {stir-fried random},
   {laser chicken}, {Yu-Shiang Whole Fish}.  Thai, Indian,
   Korean, and Vietnamese cuisines are also quite popular.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
 (Oriental voice:)  Hello, you have reached honorable Chan's
 residence.  I, Kato, will go and get honorable Chan.  (Godzilla
 scream.)  Oh no!  Godzilla coming!  Please leave name and number
 at gong and Chan will call back if house still here.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
orienting: preparing for a trip to asia.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Or if Sion hill
Delight thee more, and Siloa's brook, that flow'd
Fast by the oracle of God.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 10
%%
Or if Virtue feeble were,
Heav'n itself would stoop to her.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 1022
%%
Originality exists in every individual because each of us differs from the
others. We are all primary numbers divisible only by ourselves.
 -- Jean Guitton
%%
Originality is just a fresh pair of eyes.
 -- W. Wilson
%%
Originality is nothing but judicious imitation.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Originality is the art of concealing your source.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but
forgetting where you hear it.
 -- Laurence Peter, "Peter's Quotations", 1977
%%
Originality is undetected plagiarism.
 -- Dean W.R. Inge
%%
Original quip on the space telescope we all like so much.
A few articles were posted in sci.astro.hubble but nobody could read them.
%%
ORIGINAL SOFTWARE
  Something of a rarity in this universe.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to
people you could not possibly have met.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
...or I'll fill you so full of lead we could sharpen your head
  and call you a pencil!
 -- Amy to Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
...Or, I may not feel that my belief-system needs to be self-consistent
 in a post-Goedelian epoch.
 -- Dan'l Danehy-Oakes
%%
Ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Peter iii, 4
%%
Ornate rhetorick taught out of the rule of Plato.... To which poetry
would be made subsequent, or indeed rather precedent, as being less
suttle and fine, but more simple, sensuous, and passionate.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Tractate of Education
%%
O Rome! my country! city of the soul!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 78
%%
O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Or ope the sacred source of sympathetic tears.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Progress of Poesy, III, 1, Line 12
%%
:orphaned i-node: /or'f*nd i:'nohd/ [UNIX] n. 1. [techspeak] A
   file that retains storage but no longer appears in the directories
   of a filesystem.  2. By extension, a pejorative for any person no
   longer serving a useful function within some organization, esp.
   {lion food} without subordinates.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ORPHAN, n.  A living person whom death has deprived of the power of
filial ingratitude -- a privation appealing with a particular
eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature.  When young the
orphan is commonly sent to an asylum, where by careful cultivation of
its rudimentary sense of locality it is taught to know its place.  It
is then instructed in the arts of dependence and servitude and
eventually turned loose to prey upon the world as a bootblack or
scullery maid.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:orphan: [UNIX] n. A process whose parent has died; one inherited by
   `init(1)'.  Compare {zombie}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Orpheus with his lute made trees,
And the mountain-tops that freeze,
Bow themselves when he did sing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Or savage beasts upon a thousand hils.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Third Day
%%
Or that you might think it was a line.
"Maybe I do think it's a line."
Then you think I'm not sincere.
"I didn't say that. There's nothing wrong with a line. It's like
  knocking at the door."
Then you're inviting me in?
"I'm not sending you away."
That's more than I expected.
"Is it as much as you hoped?"
To hope is to recognize the possibility. I had only dreams.
"Dreams can be dangerous."
Not these dreams. I dream of a galaxy where your eyes are the stars,
  and the universe worships the night.
"Careful! Putting me on a pedestal so high, you might not be able
  to reach me."
Then I'll learn how to fly. You are the heart of my day, and the
  soul of my night.
 -- Riker and Guinan, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
Orthodontists do it with braces.
%%
Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint.  However,
 luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
 -- Richter cartoon caption
%%
ORTHODOX, n.  An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Orthodoxy is a relaxation of the mind accompanied by a stiffening of the
heart.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Orthodoxy is not thinking -
not having to think.
Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950), "1984"
%%
:orthogonal: [from mathematics] adj. Mutually independent; well
   separated; sometimes, irrelevant to.  Used in a generalization of
   its mathematical meaning to describe sets of primitives or
   capabilities that, like a vector basis in geometry, span the
   entire `capability space' of the system and are in some sense
   non-overlapping or mutually independent.  For example, in
   architectures such as the PDP-11 or VAX where all or nearly all
   registers can be used interchangeably in any role with respect to
   any instruction, the register set is said to be orthogonal.  Or, in
   logic, the set of operators `not' and `or' is orthogonal,
   but the set `nand', `or', and `not' is not (because any
   one of these can be expressed in terms of the others).  Also used
   in comments on human discourse: "This may be orthogonal to the
   discussion, but...."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ORTHOGRAPHY, n.  The science of spelling by the eye instead of the
ear.  Advocated with more heat than light by the outmates of every
asylum for the insane.  They have had to concede a few things since
the time of Chaucer, but are none the less hot in defence of those to
be conceded hereafter.

    A spelling reformer indicted
    For fudge was before the court cicted.
        The judge said:  "Enough --
        His candle we'll snough,
    And his sepulchre shall not be whicted."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
  o
 < '  Run!
 / >
' '
%%
..  or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me
 in MIAMI last Tuesday?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give
him a stone?
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 9
%%
Or where the pictures for the page atone,
And Quarles is sav'd by beauties not his own.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book i, Line 139
%%
Or whispering with white lips, "The foe! They come! they come!"
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 25
%%
OS/2 2 ..Will it send DOS & Windows the way of CP/M ?????
%%
OS/2 for PS/2--Half an operating system for half a computer.
%%
OS/2 is destined to be a very important piece of software. During the
 next 10 years, millions of programmers and users will utilize this
 system.
 -- Bill Gates, 1988
%%
OS/2:  Just say no!
%%
OS/2 - Not just another pretty program loader!
%%
OS/2...Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.
%%
:OS/2: /O S too/ n. The anointed successor to MS-DOS for Intel
   286- and 386-based micros; proof that IBM/Microsoft couldn't get it
   right the second time, either.  Often called `Half-an-OS'.
   Mentioning it is usually good for a cheap laugh among hackers ---
   the design was so {baroque}, and the implementation of 1.x so
   bad, that 3 years after introduction you could still count the
   major {app}s shipping for it on the fingers of two hands --- in
   unary.  The 2.x versions are said to have improved somewhat, and
   informed hackers now rate them superior to Microsoft Windows (an
   endorsement which, however, could easily be construed as damning
   with faint praise).  See {monstrosity}, {cretinous},
   {second-system effect}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
  OSBORNE THE WEIRD (1621-1664)
    St Osborne could be seen running around the streets of Naples
    wearing nothing more than a tea cosy. Which is a pretty good
    reason for being known as weird. He would often be heard
    squawking, saying what he claimed were the prayers that bears
    uttered, and smoking a strange weed-like substance. Which are
    several more reasons for being known as weird.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Oscar Wilde: I wish I had said that.
Whistler: You will, Oscar; you will.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Oscillators do it repeatedly.
%%
   __O  Sex is more fun than logic
 =`\<,  One cannot prove this, but it IS
(=)/(=) In the same sense that Mt Everest IS
        or that Alma Cogan ISN'T
%%
O shame! where is thy blush? Rebellious hell,
If thou canst mutine in a matron's bones,
To flaming youth let virtue be as wax,
And melt in her own fire: proclaim no shame
When the compulsive ardour gives the charge,
Since frost itself as actively doth burn,
And reason panders will.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
OSHA's Discovery: Wet manure is slippery.
%%
O sibili si ergo
Fortibusis in ero
Nobili demis trux
Sevatis enim
 -- Cousendux
%%
OSI     Overflow Stack Indefinitely
%%
O slavish man! will you not bear with your own brother, who has God
for his Father, as being a son from the same stock, and of the same
high descent? But if you chance to be placed in some superior station,
will you presently set yourself up for a tyrant?
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xiii
%%
O sleep, O gentle sleep,
Nature's soft nurse! how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down
And steep my senses in forgetfulness?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
O Solitude! where are the charms
  That sages have seen in thy face?
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Verses supposed to be written by Alexander Selkirk
%%
O Sophonisba! Sophonisba, O!
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- Sophonisba, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
:OS: /O-S/ 1. [{Operating System}] n. An abbreviation heavily
   used in email, occasionally in speech.  2. n.,obs. On ITS, an
   output spy.  See "{OS and JEDGAR}" (in {Appendix
   A}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
OS SCANDAL: Unix and Ms. Dos found in love nest!
 -- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
O star-eyed Science! hast thou wandered there,
To waft us home the message of despair?
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 325
%%
OSTRICH, n.  A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature
has denied that hinder toe in which so many pious naturalists have
seen a conspicuous evidence of design.  The absence of a good working
pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out,
the ostrich does not fly.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
O suffering, sad humanity!
O ye afflicted ones, who lie
Steeped to the lips in misery,
Longing, yet afraid to die,
  Patient, though sorely tried!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Goblet of Life
%%
O, that a man might know
The end of this day's business ere it come!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
O, that he were here to write me down an ass!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
O that my tongue were in the thunder's mouth! Then with a passion
would I shake the world.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
O, that this too too solid flesh would melt,
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you!
She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate-stone
On the fore-finger of an alderman,
Drawn with a team of little atomies
Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Other employees would do no better than Congressmen if the boss showed
an interest in them only once in two years.
%%
Other heights in other lives, God willing.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- One Word More, xii
%%
:Other Interests:
Some hobbies are widely shared and recognized as going with the culture:
science fiction, music, medievalism (in the active form practiced by the
Society for Creative Anachronism and similar organizations), chess, go,
backgammon, wargames, and intellectual games of all kinds.
(Role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons used to be extremely
popular among hackers but they lost a bit of their luster as they moved
into the mainstream and became heavily commercialized.)  Logic puzzles.
Ham radio.  Other interests that seem to correlate less strongly but
positively with hackerdom include linguistics and theater teching.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Other lands have their vitality in a few, a class, but we have it in the
bulk of our people.
 -- Walt Whitman
%%
Other people's patterns of expenditure and consumption are irrational
and slightly immoral.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Other people's property comes naturally to me
%%
Other people's things are more pleasing to us and ours to other people.
 -- Publilus Syrus
%%
Other people's tools work only in other people's yards.
 -- Jane Bryant Quinn
 -- The First Law of Gardening
%%
Others abide our question. Thou art free.
We ask and ask. Thou smilest and art still,
Out-topping knowledge.
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
 -- Shakespeare
%%
Others made a virtue of necessity.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xxii
%%
Other sports exist only to keep you occupied until
baseball season comes around again.
%%
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
%%
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?
%%
Other things may change, but we start and end with family.
 -- Anthony Brandt
%%
Other things you could have removed while you waited were your wallet,
 your stomach lining, your mind and your will to live.  The muggers and
 pushers and pimps and hamburger salesmen, in no particular order, could
 arrange these things for you.
%%
Other vice may be nice, but sex won't rot your teeth.
%%
OTHERWISE, adv.  No better.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Other women cloy
The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry
Where most she satisfies.
 -- Antony and Cleopatra
%%
   __O  The tusks that clashed in mighty brawls,
  =`\<,          Of mastodons, are billiard balls.
 (=)/(=) The sword of CharleMagne the Just,
                 is ferric oxide, known as rust.
%%
O, thou art fairer than the evening air
Clad in the beauty of a thousand stars.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- Faustus
%%
O thou child of many prayers!
Life hath quicksands; life hath snares!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Maidenhood
%%
O thou invisible spirit of wine, if thou hast no name to be known
by, let us call thee devil!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
O thou weed,
Who art so lovely fair and smell'st so sweet
That the sense aches at thee, would thou hadst ne'er been born.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
O thou! whatever title please thine ear,
Dean, Drapier, Bickerstaff, or Gulliver!
Whether thou choose Cervantes' serious air,
Or laugh and shake in Rabelais' easy-chair.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book i, Line 19
%%
O thou who dost inhabit in my breast,
Leave not the mansion, so long tenantless;
Lest growing ruinous the building fall,
And leave no memory of what it was.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
O thou, whose certain eye foresees
The fix'd events of fate's remote decrees.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 627
%%
O, throw away the worser part of it,
And live the purer with the other half.
 -- William Shakespeare, Hamlet III, iv, 156-160.
%%
   ___              ___              ___   ___
  <-o->            </,\>            <*,*>_<*,*>
  [`-']            [`-']            [`-'___`-']
  -"-"-            -"-"-            --"-----"--
 Tired owl        Sad owl          Siamese owl(s)
%%
OTL     Out To Lunch
%%
O to be self-balanced for contingencies! O to confront night, storms,
hunger, ridicule, accidents, rebuffs as trees and animals do!
 -- Walt Whitman
%%
- OTRCNNXF - Off The Record CNN Exclusive False-report - given to CNN by us
          so that Saddam will believe it to be the gospel truth. Neat, eh?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Ouch! You ran into one of the mirrored walls.
%%
Our actions are our own; thier consequences belong to Heaven.
 -- St. Francis
%%
    Our advanced and fashionable thinkers are, naturally, out
on a wide swing of the pendulum, away from the previous swing
of the pendulum.  If you want to reach dead center, you will
do well to avoid the most advanced thinkers.
 -- Anthony Standen
%%
Our American professors like their literature clear, cold,
pure and very dead.
 -- Sinclair Lewis
%%
Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people
I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
"Our armies swore terribly in Flanders," cried my Uncle Toby, "but
nothing to this."
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Tristram Shandy, Vol. iii, Chap. xi
%%
Our big social institutions do not reflect human nature; they distort it.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Our birth is nothing but our death begun,
As tapers waste the moment they take fire.
 -- Edward Young
%%
Our bodies are apt to be our autobiographies.
 -- Frank Gelett Burgess
%%
Our body is a well-set clock, which keeps good time, but if it be too
much or indiscreetly tampered with, the alarm runs out before the hour.
 -- Joseph Hall
%%
Our bombs are incredibly smart. In fact, our bombs are better educated than
 the average high school graduate. At least they can find Kuwait.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead
of ourselves -- to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday
by our today.
 -- Stewart B. Johnson
%%
Our business in life is not to succeed
but to continue to fail in high spirits.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Our business in the field of fight
Is not to question, but to prove our might.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xx, Line 304
%%
Our business is run on trust.  We trust you will pay in advance.
%%
Our care should not be to have lived long as to have lived enough.
 -- Seneca
%%
Our cause is a secret within a secret, a secret that only another secret
can explain; it is a secret about a secret veiled by a secret.
%%
Our cause is just, our union is perfect.
 -- John Dickinson (1732-1808)
 -- Declaration on taking up Arms in 1775
%%
Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking.
 -- H. Jackson Browne, P. S. I Love You
%%
Our characters are the result of our conduct.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what
we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
 -- Emersons' Law of Contrariness
%%
Our children are not for sale.
 -- Dr. Crusher to Radue, "When the Bough Breaks", stardate 41509.1
%%
Our children give us the opportunity to become the parents we always wish we
had.
%%
Our child was
INMATE OF THE MONTH
at Santa Clara County Juvenile Detention Facility
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
Our civilization has grown past that point of barbarism
where it's possible to get anything done
%%
Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Our compell'd sins
Stand more for number than for accompt.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Our concern is not how to worship in the catacombs but how to remain
human in the skyscrapers.
%%
Our congressmen are the finest body of men money can buy.
 -- Morey Amsterdam (written for Will Rogers)
%%
Our conscience is our spirit's natural response to thorns, thistles,
and briars.
 -- James E. Foust
%%
Our Constitution ... gives to bigotry no sanction.
 -- George Washington
%%
Our Constitution is color-blind. The arbitrary separation of citizens,
on the basis of race... is a badge of servitude wholly inconsistent
with civil freedom.
 -- U.S. Justice John Harlan, Plessy v. Ferguson, 1896
%%
Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise
that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death
and taxes.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Letter to M. Leroy, 1789
%%
Our contemporary Tories prefer the term "ordered liberty" to "freedom". The
word "freedom" scares them; it has too much of a paleolithic ring to it.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Our country.  In her intercourse with foreign nations may she always be
in the right; but our country right or wrong!
 -- Stephen Decatur
%%
Our country is still young and its potential is still enormous.  We
should remember, as we look toward the future, that the more fully we
believe in and achieve freedom and equal opportunity -- not simply for
ourselves but for others -- the greater our accomplishments as a nation
will be.
 -- Henry Ford II
%%
Our country is the world; our countrymen are all mankind.
 -- William Lloyd Garrison (1804-1879)
 -- Prospectus of the Liberator, Dec. 15, 1837
%%
Our country, right or wrong.  When right, to be kept right; when wrong,
to be put right.
 -- Carl Schurz
%%
Our creature comforts.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Psalm xxxvii
%%
Our crude civilization engenders a multitude of wants, and law-givers are
ever at their wit's end devising. The hall and the theater and the church
have been invented, and compulsory education. Why not add compulsory
recreation? Our forefathers forged chains of duty and habit, which bind us
notwithstanding our boasted freedom, and we ourselves in desperation add
link to link, groaning and making medicinal laws for relief. Yet few think
of pure rest or of the healing power of Nature.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Our customer's paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss.
 -- Tony Brown, Control Data Corp.
%%
Our deeds determine us,as much as we determine our deeds.
 -- George Eliot
%%
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our Light, not our
Darkness, that most frightens us.
 -- Nelson Mandela
%%
Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that
gives us satisfaction, yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Our dignity is not in what we do, but in what we understand.
 -- George Santayana
%%
OUR DOS WHO ART IN CORE
 AMIGA BE THY NAME
 THY SYSTEM COME
 THY CRASHES DONE
 ON DISK AS IT IS IN MEMORY
 GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY I/O
 AND FORGIVE US OUR SYNTAX ERRORS,
 AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE ERRED BEFORE US
 AND LEAD US NOT INTO CORRUPT DATA,
 BUT DELIVER US FROM VIRUSES
 FOR YOURS IS THE MAINFRAME, AND THE SYSTEM
 AND THE PROGRAM FOREVER.
 -- GURU
%%
Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Our educational systems may very well be on the threshold of a new and
even gloomier Dark Age of the 20th and 21st centuries, unless the anti-
intellectualism and confused thinking creationists produce is overcome."
 -- Reverend James Skehan
%%
Our elections are free--it's in the results where eventually we pay.
 -- Bill Stern
%%
Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Our faith comes in moments; out vice is habitual.
 -- Emerson
%%
Our fathers' God, to thee,
Author of liberty,
  To thee I sing;
Long may our land be bright
With freedom's holy light;
Protect us by thy might,
  Great God, our King!
 -- Samuel Francis Smith (1808-1895)
 -- National Hymn
%%
Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread:
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
 -- Book of Matthew
%%
Our father who art in heaven..  I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY
 at this table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN..
 and also leave a GENEROUS TIP...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Our Federal Union: it must be preserved.
 -- Andrew Jackson (1767-1845)
 -- Toast given on the Jefferson Birthday Celebration in 1830
%%
Our fruitless labours mourn,
And only rich in barren fame return.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book x, Line 46
%%
Our future competitiveness demands that true environmentalists and
responsible leaders not allow the well-intentioned concerns of the
American public to be manipulated and exploited as a means to re-establish
unnecessary regulatory, economic and social controls.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Our gallant fellows at the front are carrying their football training
into practice on the battlefield. They are 'playing the game' in all
conscience.
 -- Lord Baden-Powell, Headquarters Gazette (1914)
%%
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in
a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave
national emergency... Always there has been some terrible evil to
gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it   by furnishing the
exorbitant sums demanded.  Yet, in retrospect, these disasters seem
never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real.
 -- General Douglas MacArthur, 1957
%%
Our government is difficult. If you save money, you pay taxes on it. If you
 spend money, you pay taxes on it. If you don't have any saved or don't
 spend any, than the government gives you some.
%%
Our government...teaches the whole people by its example.  If the
government becomes the lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it
invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy.
 -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
%%
Our grand business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but
to do what lies clearly at hand.
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every
time we fall.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Our greatest responsibility is to be good ancestors.
 -- Dr. Jonas Salk
%%
Our happiness in this world depends on the affections we are enabled
to inspire.
 -- Duchesse de Praslin
%%
Our hearts, our hopes, are all with thee,--
Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears,
Our faith triumphant o'er our fears,
Are all with thee,--are all with thee!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Building of the Ship
%%
Our hopes, like towering falcons, aim
At objects in an airy height;
The little pleasure of the game
Is from afar to view the flight.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- To the Hon. Charles Montague
%%
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
%%
Our humanity were a poor thing were it not for the divinity which stirs
within us.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Our inventions mirror our secret wishes.
 -- Lawrence Durrell (1912-1990), Mountolive (1959) 7
%%
Our journeys to the stars will be made on spaceships created by determined,
 hardworking scientists and engineers applying the principles of science, not
 aboard flying saucers piloted by little gray aliens from some other dimension.
 -- Robert A. Baker, The Aliens Among Us:     Hypnotic Regression Revisited,
    The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII, No. 2
%%
Our journey toward the stars has progressed swiftly.

In 1926 Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-propelled rocket,
achieving an altitude of 41 feet.   In 1962 John Glenn orbited the earth.

In 1969, only 66 years after Orville Wright flew two feet off the ground
for 12 seconds, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and I rocketed to the moon
in Apollo 11.
 -- Michael Collins
    Former astronaut and past Director of the National Air and Space Museum
%%
Our judgements judge us, and nothing reveals us, exposes our weaknesses,
more ingeniously than the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows.
 -- Paul Valery
%%
Our judgment can be no better than our information.
%%
Our legislators are not sufficiently apprized of the rightful limits of
 their power; that their true office is to declare and enforce only our
 natural rights and duties, and to take none of them from us.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), 1816
%%
Our liberty depends upon the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited
without being lost.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), in 1786
%%
Our life is frittered away by detail. An honest man has hardly need to
count more than his ten fingers, or in extreme cases he may add his ten
toes, and lump the rest. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity. I say, let
your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead
of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb nail.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden
%%
Our life is frittered away by detail ... simplify, simplify.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Our lifetime may be the last that will be lived out in a technological
society.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Our little systems have their day;
They have their day and cease to be;
They are but broken lights of thee.
 -- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
%%
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
Our love is God.  Lets go grab a slushie
 -- J.D.
 -- Heathers
%%
Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions.
 -- Edward R. Murrow
%%
Our meetings are held to discuss many problems
which would never arise if we held fewer meetings.
%%
Our mind is capable of passing beyond the dividing line we have drawn
for it.  Beyond the pairs of opposites of which the world consists,
other, new insights begin.
 -- Herman Hesse
%%
Our missions are peaceful -- not for conquest.  When we do battle,
  it is only because we have no choice.
 -- Kirk, "The Squire of Gothos," stardate 2124.5.
%%
Our modern industrial economy takes a mountain covered with trees, lakes,
running streams and transforms it into a mountain of junk, garbage, slime
pits, and debris.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
 -- Lewis Mumford
%%
Our natures are like oil; compound us with anything, yet will we
strive to swim at the top.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
%%
Our necessities are few but our wants are endless...
%%
Our neighborhood is different. We did have a great neighborhood watch going
 on, but she finally pulled down the shades. Actually, the area is a little
 rough. Our last beauty contest featured Miss Main Street, and featured a
 bullet proof vest category.
%%
Our "neoconservatives" are neither new nor conservative, but old as Babylon
and evil as Hell.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Our new heraldry is hands, not hearts.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
 best in the long run.
 -- In a Tokyo shop
%%
Our obligation to survive is owed not just to ourselves, but to the Cosmos,
ancient and vast, from which we sprang.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, in kernel as it is in user.
%%
Our own heart, and not other men's opinions form our true honor.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Our parents were never our age.
%%
Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very
 strict.  They didn't want us to grow up to be
 spoiled and rich.  If we left our tennis racquets
 in the rain, we were punished.
 -- Nancy Ellis, George Bush's sister
%%
Our passion is like a nuclear explosion: violent anticipation, a
brilliant blast of heat and light, and a beautiful sunset...
 -- Jack Twilley
%%
Our passions are like convulsion fits, which, though they make us
stronger for a time, leave us the weaker ever after.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
Our patience will achieve more than our force.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
Our people are warriors, often savage, but we are also many other
  pleasant things.
 -- Romulan Commander, "The Enterprise Incident," stardate 5027.3.
%%
Our people don't believe in slavery.
 -- Kirk, "Bread and Circuses," stardate 4040.7.
%%
Our Pilgrim stock wuz pithed with hardihood.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin', No. vi
%%
Our plans miscarry because they have no aim.
When a man does not know what harbor he is making for,
no wind is the right wind.
 -- Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.
 -- Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
%%
Our political experiment of democracy, the last refuge of cheap
misgovernment.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
Our politicians are so stupid that, if they tried to throw
 themselves on the floor, they would probably miss their target.
 -- Ron Phillips
%%
Our problems are mostly behind us.
What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
 -- Stult's Report
%%
Our problems are so serious
that the best way to talk about them is lightheartedly.
%%
Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie,
Which we ascribe to Heaven.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Our repentance is not so much regret for the ill we have done as fear
of the ill that may happen to us in consequence.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 180
%%
Our reruns are better than theirs.
 -- Nick at Nite
%%
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Our rights remain rights only as long as we have the
prudence not to test them
 -- Mark Twain
%%
"Our safety, our liberty depends on preserving the Constitution of the United
States as our fathers made it inviolate.  The people of the US are the
rightful masters both Congress and the courts - Not to overthrow the
Constitution, but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution"
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
Our schizophrenic societies progress by knowledge but survive on inspiration
derived from the very beliefs which that knowledge erodes.  I suggest that the
paradox can be at least intellectually resolved, not all at once but eventually
and with consequences difficult to perfect, if we pay due attention to the
sociobiology of religion. Although the manifestations of the religious
experiences are resplendent and multidimensional and so complicated that the
finest of psychoanalyst and philosophers get lost in their labyrinth, I
believe that religious practices can be mapped onto the two dimensions of
genetic advantage and evolutionary change.
 -- Edward O. Wilson, "On Human Nature"
%%
Our schools have been scientifically designed to prevent over-education
 from happening.  [...] The average American (should be) content with their
 humble role in life, because they're not tempted to think about any
 other role.
 -- U.S. Commissioner of Education, William T. Harris, 1889
 -- "The Tyranny of Government Schooling", John Gatto, 1992
%%
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.  We have guided
  missiles and misguided men.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce
Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm.  One
thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition.  If
somebody gets handed a name like H. Boyce, he hangs on to it, puts it
on his legal stationery, even passes it to his son, rather than do what
a lesser person would do, such as get it changed or kill himself.
 -- Dave Barry, This Column is Nothing but the Truth!
%%
Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'.
We their sons are more worthless than they:
so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Ours is an abiding faith in the cause of freedom.  We know it is God's
cause.
 -- Thomas E. Dewey
%%
Ours is a strange world, in which the vast majority do not know what it is
 they want, but are willing to go through hell to get it, and once they've
 got it, they don't know what to do with it because it was supposed to make
 them happy and didn't.
%%
Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.  We know more
about war than we know about peace, more about killing than we know
about living.  We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the
Sermon on the Mount.
 -- General Omar N. Bradley (1893-1981)
%%
Ours is the age which is proud of machine which think, and suspicious of
men who try to.
%%
Our skin is provided as adequately as theirs with endurance against the
assaults of the weather: witness so many nations who have not yet tried the
use of any clothes. Our ancient Gauls wore hardly any clothes; nor do the
Irish, our neighbors, under so cold a sky.
 -- Montaigne, "Apology for Raymond Sebonde"
%%
Our so-called leaders speak;   we've heard the full regalia.
 They subjugate the meek, but it's the rhetoric of failure.
 ... we are spirits in the material world.
 -- The Police
%%
Our society finds truth too strong a medicine to digest undiluted.  In
its purest form, truth is not a polite tap on the shoulder.  It is a
howling reproach.
 -- Ted Koppel
%%
Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where
the maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to
help out in case of emergency.  As far as I can tell, our second
basewoman is a pretty good baseball player, better than I am, anyway,
but there's no way to know for sure because if the ball gets anywhere
near her, a male comes barging over from, say, right field, to deal
with it.  She's been on the team for three seasons now, but the males
still don't trust her.  They know, deep in their souls, that if she had
to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she
probably would elect to save the infant's life, without ever
considering whether there were men on base.
 -- Dave Barry, Sports is a Drag
%%
Our souls sit close and silently within,
And their own web from their own entrails spin;
And when eyes meet far off, our sense is such,
That, spider-like, we feel the tenderest touch.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Mariage a la Mode, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Our species can only survive if we have obstacles to overcome.  You
  remove those obstacles.  Without them to strengthen us, we will
  weaken and die.
 -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3220.3.
%%
Our strength is often composed of the weakness we're damned if we're going
to show.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
Our suicidal poets (Plath, Berryman, Lowell, Jarrell, et al.) spent too much
of their lives inside rooms and classrooms when they should have been trudging
up mountains, slogging through swamps, rowing down rivers. The indoor life is
the next best thing to premature burial.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Our swords shall play the orators for us.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1564-1593)
%%
Our sympathy is cold to the relation of distant misery.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (1776), Chap. xlix
%%
Our time is a very shadow that passeth away.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Wisdom of Solomon ii, 5
%%
Our torments also may in length of time
Become our elements.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 274
%%
Our town was small but we got two things we're very proud of. Night and
 day. If you have a year to live, move there--it'll seem like a lifetime.
 -- George "Goober" Lindsey
%%
Our trick, Rush - not a trick, our challenge - our challenge is to make the
American people comfortable with the leadership George Bush will offer in
the next four years.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, on the Rush Limbaugh show.
                   (Reported in the NY Times, 7/8/92 - from the Quayle
                   Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
Our troops advanced today without losing a foot of ground.
 -- Spanish Civil War Communique
%%
Our true age can be determined by the ways
in which we allow ourselves to play.
 -- Louis Walsh
%%
Our TV man had to take our set back to the store for an adjustment. It
 needed back payments.
 -- Gene Baylos
%%

Our universal chairperson in outer space
your identity enjoys the highest rating on a prioritized selectivity scale
may your sphere of influence take on reality parameters
may your mindset be implemented on this planet as in outer space.
Allot to us, at this point in time and on a per diem basis, a sufficient
and balanced dietary food intake
and rationalize a disclaimer against our negative feedback
as we rationalize a disclaimer against the negative feedback of others
and deprogram our negative potentialities
but desensitize the impact of the counter-productive force
for yours is the dominant sphere of influence
the ultimate capability (non-nuclear)
and the highest qualitative analysis rating
at this point in time and extending beyond a limited time-frame
End of message.
 -- The revised Lord's Prayer as sent by The Reverend Kenneth Scott
 -- of Thornhill, Ontario to the Toronto _Globe_&_Mail_ and there published
 -- Saturday, 15 November 1986 on p. D7.
%%
Our values are creating jobs in America.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle answering Chris Wallace's
                   question: "[The Council on Competitiveness] has made it
                   easier for businesses to exceed pollution levels, it has
                   delayed regulations on aircraft noise, it has weakened
                   regulations to make apartment buildings more accessible to
                   wheelchairs. Are those your values?"
                   (ABC's "Prime Time Live," August 10, 1992)
%%
Our very hopes belied our fears,
  Our fears our hopes belied;
We thought her dying when she slept,
  And sleeping when she died.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Death-Bed
%%
    Our view. . . is that it is an essential characteristic of
experimentation that it is carried out with limited resources,
and an essential part of the subject of experimental design to
ascertain how these should be best applied; or, in particular,
to which causes of disturbance care should be given, and which
ought to be deliberately ignored.
 -- Sir Ronald A. Fisher
%%
Our virtues are most frequently but vices disguised.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxims, Head
%%
Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.
 -- Alex Schure
%%
Our vows are heard betimes! and Heaven takes care
To grant, before we can conclude the prayer:
Preventing angels met it half the way,
And sent us back to praise, who came to pray.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Britannia Rediviva, Line 1
%%
Our wasted oil unprofitably burns,
Like hidden lamps in old sepulchral urns.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 357
%%
Our water pressure is so low, you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
 -- Peter Campbell
%%
Our way is not soft grass, it's a mountain path with lots of rocks.
 But it goes upward, forward, toward the sun.
 -- Ruth Westheimer
%%
Our way is peace.
 -- Septimus, the Son Worshiper, "Bread and Circuses,"
       stardate 4040.7.
%%
Our weapon is surprise! Suprise and fear. Two weapons!
%%
Our wills and fates do so contrary run
That our devices still are overthrown.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
 -- On the menu of a Swiss restaurant
%%
Our wrangling lawyers... are so litigious and busy here on earth,
that I think they will plead their clients' causes hereafter,--some
of them in hell.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden
path always throw stones at those who are showing a new read.
 -- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%

Our youth we can have but to-day,
We may always find time to grow old.
 -- Bishop Berkeley (1684-1753)
 -- Can Love be controlled by Advice?
%%
OUTCOME, n.  A particular type of disappointment.  By the kind of
intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom
of an act is judged by the outcome, the result.  This is immortal
nonsense; the wisdom of an act is to be juded by the light that the
doer had when he performed it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
                OUTCONERR
Twas FORTRAN as the doloop goes
    Did logzerneg the ifthen block
All kludgy were the function flows
    And subroutines adhoc.

Beware the runtime-bug my friend
    squrooneg, the false goto
Beware the infiniteloop
    And shun the inprectoo.
%%
Out, damned spot! out, I say!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Out-did the meat, out-did the frolick wine.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- Ode for Ben Jonson
%%
OUTDO, v.t.  To make an enemy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Outer space is no place for a person of breeding.
 -- Lady Violet Bonham Carter
%%
OUT FOR A QUICK BYTE.
 -- Sign at a computer store
%%
Out from the shadows behind you pounces a bearded pirate! "Har, har,"
he he chortles, "I'll just take all this booty and hide it away with me
chest chest deep in the maze!" He snatches your treasure and vanishes into
the the gloom.
%%
Outgoing:  Strikes up conversation with anyone within 10 urinals of
self.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees.
%%
Outnumbered, yes. Outmaneuvered, maybe. Outclassed, never!
%%
:out-of-band: [from telecommunications and network theory] adj.
   1. In software, describes values of a function which are not in its
   `natural' range of return values, but are rather signals that
   some kind of exception has occurred.  Many C functions, for
   example, return a nonnegative integral value, but indicate failure
   with an out-of-band return value of -1.  Compare {hidden
   flag}, {green bytes}, {fence}.  2. Also sometimes used to
   describe what communications people call `shift characters',
   such as the ESC that leads control sequences for many terminals, or
   the level shift indicators in the old 5-bit Baudot codes.  3. In
   personal communication, using methods other than email, such as
   telephones or {snail-mail}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Out of body, back in five minutes.
%%
Out of Gods blessing into the warme Sunne.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
Out of inodes.
%%
Out of intense complexities, intense simplicities emerge.
%%
Out of life's school of war:  What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
 -- Nietzsche, The Twilight of the Idols (1888).
%%
out of memory.
%%
Out of my lean and low ability
I 'll lend you something.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Out of register space (ugh)
 -- vi
%%
Out of sight, out of mind == Invisible idiot
 -- Chinese translator.
%%
out of swap space.
%%
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xii, 34
%%
Out of the best and most productive years of each man's life, he should
carve a segment in which he puts his private career aside to serve his
community and his country, and thereby serve his children, his neighbors,
his fellow men, and the cause of freedom.
 -- David Lilenthal
%%
Out of the book of Natur's learned brest.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Fourth Day, Book ii
%%
Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made.
 -- Immanuel Kant
%%
Out of the jaws of death.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength,
because of thine enemies; that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm viii, 2
%%
Out of the mouth of Boy Wonders ofttimes come gems.
 -- TV's Batman, aka Adam West
%%
Out of the mouths of babes comes a lot or really disgusting stuff.
%%
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
%%
Out of the same substances one stomach will extract nourishment,
another poison; and so the same disappointments in life will chasten
and refine one man's spirit, and embitter another's.
 -- William Matthews
%%
Out of the shadow of night, the world rolls into light. It is
daybreak everywhere.
 -- Longfellow
%%
Out of thine own mouth will I judge thee.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xix, 22
%%
Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Out of too much learning become mad.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
Out on the road today I saw a "Dead-Head" sticker on a Cadillac.
%%
Out, out damn spot!
 -- William Shakespeare, or Tide commercial
%%
Out-paramoured the Turk.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
%%
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
%%
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
%%
Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.
 -- Katherine Whitehorn
%%
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
 -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
%%
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country.
 -- Marion Barry (Mayor, Washington, D.C.)
%%
Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth.
%%
Outside the backstreet girls are dancing to music that the D.J.'s play.
%%
Outside there's a real death-waltz
between what's fact and what's fantasy.
%%
Outta Luck Duck
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line,
 off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net.
 -- Gary Predmore
%%
OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER!
%%
Ovary 1: Did you order any furniture?
 Ovary 2: No, why do you ask?
 Ovary 1: Two nuts are downstairs trying to shove an organ through the door.
%%
OVATION, n.  n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of
one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation.  A
lesser "triumph."  In modern English the word is improperly used to
signify any loose and spontaneous expression of popular homage to the
hero of the hour and place.

    "I had an ovation!" the actor man said,
        But I thought it uncommonly queer,
    That people and critics by him had been led
            By the ear.

    The Latin lexicon makes his absurd
        Assertion as plain as a peg;
    In "ovum" we find the true root of the word.
            It means egg.
                                                          Dudley Spink
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel,
   "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and load your camels,
and I will lead you to the promised land."
Not too long ago, Roosevelt said,
  "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, light a Camel, this is the
promised land."
Now Nixon is stealing your shovels, kicking your asses, raising the price of
Camels, and mortgaging the promised land.
%%
Overall, the philosophy is to attack the availability problem from two
complementary directions: to reduce the number of software errors
through rigorous testing of running systems, and to reduce the effect
of the remaining errors by providing for recovery from them.  An
interesting footnote to this design is that now a system failure can
usually be considered to be the result of two program errors: the
first, in the program that started the problem; the second, in the
recovery routine that could not protect the system.
 -- A. L. Scherr,
 -- "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage Operating Systems,
 -- Part II: OS/VS-2 Concepts and Philosophies,"
 -- IBM Systems Journal, Vol. 12, No. 4, 1973, pp. 382-400
%%
Overall, there was a smell of fried onions.
%%
Overboarding:
 Overcompensating for fears about the future by plunging
headlong into a job or life-style seemingly unrelated to one's previous
life interests; i.e., Amway sales, aerobics, the Republican party, a
career in law, cults, McJobs...
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Overcome by jealousy, Data dismembers the Energizer Bunny
%%
Overconfidence breeds error when we take for granted that the game will
continue on its normal course; when we fail to provide for and unusually
powerful resource--a check, a sacrifice, a stalemate.  Afterwards the victim
may wail, `But who could have dreamt of such an idiotic-looking move?'
 -- Fred Reinfeld, "The Complete Chess Course"
%%
Overdoing things is harmful in all cases,
even when it comes to efficiency.
%%
OVEREAT, v.  To dine.

    Hail, Gastronome, Apostle of Excess,
    Well skilled to overeat without distress!
    Thy great invention, the unfatal feast,
    Shows Man's superiority to Beast.
                                                             John Boop
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:overflow bit: n. 1. [techspeak] A {flag} on some processors
   indicating an attempt to calculate a result too large for a
   register to hold.  2. More generally, an indication of any kind of
   capacity overload condition.  "Well, the {{Ada}} description was
   {baroque} all right, but I could hack it OK until they got to
   the exception handling ... that set my overflow bit."  3. The
   hypothetical bit that will be set if a hacker doesn't get to make a
   trip to the Room of Porcelain Fixtures: "I'd better process an
   internal interrupt before the overflow bit gets set".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
%%
:overflow pdl: [MIT] n. The place where you put things when your
   {pdl} is full.  If you don't have one and too many things get
   pushed, you forget something.  The overflow pdl for a person's
   memory might be a memo pad.  This usage inspired the following
   doggerel:

     Hey, diddle, diddle
     The overflow pdl
        To get a little more stack;
     If that's not enough
     Then you lose it all,
        And have to pop all the way back.
                                    --The Great Quux

   The term {pdl} seems to be primarily an MITism; outside MIT this
   term is replaced by `overflow {stack}'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
OVERFLOW - the result of being too much OFF LINE, or failure to exhibit
FLOATING CONTROL
%%
Over grown military establishments are under any form of
government inauspicious to liberty, and are to be regarded as
particularly hostile to republican liberty.
 -- George Washington (1732-1799)
%%
Overheard:  No, honey, I don't want to learn how to run the washing
machine. I'm sorry I learned how to run the dishwasher.
 -- Andrew Mason
%%
..  over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
%%
Over my dead body.
 -- Written on grave
%%
Over my head his arm he flung
Against the world.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Count Gismond, xix
%%
:overrun: n. 1. [techspeak] Term for a frequent consequence of data
   arriving faster than it can be consumed, esp. in serial line
   communications.  For example, at 9600 baud there is almost exactly
   one character per millisecond, so if a {silo} can hold only two
   characters and the machine takes longer than 2 msec to get to
   service the interrupt, at least one character will be lost.
   2. Also applied to non-serial-I/O communications.  "I forgot to
   pay my electric bill due to mail overrun."  "Sorry, I got four
   phone calls in 3 minutes last night and lost your message to
   overrun."  When {thrash}ing at tasks, the next person to make a
   request might be told "Overrun!"  Compare {firehose
   syndrome}.  3. More loosely, may refer to a {buffer overflow}
   not necessarily related to processing time (as in {overrun
   screw}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:overrun screw: [C programming] n. A variety of {fandango on
   core} produced by scribbling past the end of an array (C
   implementations typically have no checks for this error).  This is
   relatively benign and easy to spot if the array is static; if it is
   auto, the result may be to {smash the stack} --- often resulting
   in {heisenbug}s of the most diabolical subtlety.  The term
   `overrun screw' is used esp. of scribbles beyond the end of
   arrays allocated with `malloc(3)'; this typically trashes the
   allocation header for the next block in the {arena}, producing
   massive lossage within malloc and often a core dump on the next
   operation to use `stdio(3)' or `malloc(3)' itself.  See
   {spam}, {overrun}; see also {memory leak}, {memory
   smash}, {aliasing bug}, {precedence lossage}, {fandango on
   core}, {secondary damage}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Over the earth, the lake:
The image of Gathering Together.
Thus the superior man renews his weapons
In order to meet the unforeseen.
%%
Over the hills and far away.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The Beggar's Opera, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Over the next few decades you'll convince people to stop pretending that
 survival requires courage, intelligence and wisdom.
%%
Over the past ten years, for the first time, intelligence had
 become socially correct for girls.
 -- Tom Wolfe, "Bonfire of the Vanities"
%%
Over the shoulder supervision is more a
need of the manager than the programming task.
%%
OVER the underpass!  UNDER the overpass!  Around the FUTURE
 and BEYOND REPAIR!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now
I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
%%
Overwork, n.  A dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries
who want to go fishing.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!
My tables,--meet it is I set it down,
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain:
At least I 'm sure it may be so in Denmark.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
oW/;*a*=CRg  <--- Tribbles living near Three Mile Island.
%%
O wearisome condition of humanity!
Born under one law, to another bound.
 -- Fulke Greville, Lord Brooke (1554-1628)
 -- Mustapha, Act v, Sc. 4
%%
O welcome, pure-ey'd Faith, white-handed Hope,
Thou hovering angel, girt with golden wings!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 213
%%
Owe no man anything, but to love one another.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xiii, 8
%%
Owe no man any thing...
 -- Romans 13:8
%%
OWE, v.  To have (and to hold) a debt.  The word formerly signified
not indebtedness, but possession; it meant "own," and in the minds of
debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and
liabilities.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
O, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown!
The courtier's, soldier's, scholar's eye, tongue, sword.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
O, what authority and show of truth
Can cunning sin cover itself withal!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
O, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults
Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
O what fine thought we had because we thought that the worst rogues
and rascals had died out.
 -- W. B. Yeats, Nineteen Hundred And Nineteen
%%
O, what may man within him hide,
Though angel on the outward side!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, not knowing
what they do!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
   __O  When the lady smiles, You know it drives me wild
 =`\<,  Her lips are warm and resourcefull,
(=)/(=) When the lady smiles, I cannot resist her call
        And as a matter of fact, I don't resist at all.
%%
   __O  When you meet a special person
 =`\<,  And it feels good passing time.
(=)/(=) You tell yourself it's casual,
        But they have something else in mind.
%%
O, who can hold a fire in his hand
By thinking on the frosty Caucasus?
Or cloy the hungry edge of appetite
By bare imagination of a feast?
Or wallow naked in December snow
By thinking on fantastic summer's heat?
O, no! the apprehension of the good
Gives but the greater feeling to the worse.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Ow. I believe I have overexerted myself.
 -- Data
%%
O Winter, ruler of the inverted year!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 120
%%
O, wither'd is the garland of the war,
The soldier's pole is fallen.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 15
%%
Ow, I think.
"Now what?"
There's something wrong with my stomach.
"It hurts?"
It's making noises.
"Maybe you're hungry.
 -- Q and Dr. Crusher, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
 (Owner is a hard-to-reach person:)  Yes, I finally got an
 answering machine.  (To Handel's Messiah:)  Alleluia!  Alleluia!
 Alleluia!  Alleluia!  All-e-lu-ia!  Please leave a message at
 the tone.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
Own only what you can always carry with you; know languages, know
 countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.
 -- Alexander Solzhenitsyn
%%
O, woe is me,
To have seen what I have seen, see what I see!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
O woman-country!
  Loved all the more by earth's male-lands,
Laid to their hearts instead.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- By the Fireside, vi
%%
O woman! lovely woman! Nature made thee
To temper man: we had been brutes without you.
Angels are painted fair, to look like you:
There 's in you all that we believe of heaven,--
Amazing brightness, purity, and truth,
Eternal joy, and everlasting love.
 -- Thomas Otway (1651-1685)
 -- Venice Preserved, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
O woman, perfect woman! what distraction
Was meant to mankind when thou wast made a devil!
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- Monsieur Thomas, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
O, wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful wonderful! and yet again
wonderful, and after that out of all hooping.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
O words of love, O words divine!
 The silver thought, the golden line!
 Of all men's words, there's none so fine,
 As these three words: 'I've got mine!'
 -- Hagar the Horrible
%%
"OW!  Rubber spider venom!  That's not fair!"
 -- The Firesign Theatre movie, J-Men Forever
%%
OXYGEN
  A thoroughly useful substance to the vast majority of us. Without
  oxygen, we would die, and then life wouldn't be worth living. Which
  is irrelevant because we would be dead. And yet what would life be
  without life itself? A void of nothingness to be pondered by
  theologians. And yet without life there would be no theologians to
  ponder it... so I guess it wouldn't be quite so bad.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Oxygen's for losers!
 -- Confidence in Red Dwarf 'Confidence and
               Paranoia'
%%
   __O  You have had all that money can give you, but that wasn't enough.
  =`\<,  You became a thrill-seeker.  Kill for the thrill.
 (=)/(=) The thrill-seeker comes from all walks of life.
         He comes from the home, a home where the parents are too busy
         to treat their children with respect.
%%
O you much partial gods! Why gave ye men affections, and not power
to govern them?
 -- Ludovick Barry
%%
OYSTER, n.  A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the
hardihood to eat without removing its entrails!  The shells are
sometimes given to the poor.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Oysters cannot fly.
%%
Oy vi!  Grody to thEmacs!
%%
Ozmosis:
 The inability of one's job to live up to one's self-image.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
PabMail: Just another stupid TURBO BASIC XL Program!
%%
"Pachyderm Mania" by L. E. Funt
%%
Pacific Northwest hackers do it with n loggin' sorts.
%%
Pacifism is simply undisguised cowardice.
 -- Adolf Hitler
%%
Packed File corrupt.
%%
Packets 'n' readers 'n' doors, oh my!
%%
Packrat's credo:  I have no use for it, but I hate to see it go to waste.
%%
Pack up the kids, crank up the car ... to Jack-in-the-Box.
%%
Pack up your Tribbles in your old kit bag.
%%
:padded cell: n. Where you put {luser}s so they can't hurt
   anything.  A program that limits a luser to a carefully restricted
   subset of the capabilities of the host system (for example, the
   `rsh(1)' utility on USG UNIX).  Note that this is different
   from an {iron box} because it is overt and not aimed at
   enforcing security so much as protecting others (and the luser)
   from the consequences of the luser's boundless naivet'e (see
   {naive}).  Also `padded cell environment'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Paddling up the mighty Mystic without a paddle card.
%%
"Padlock?"
"The IRS.  Picky picky picky."
 -- Molly Dodd
%%
PA Dutch Turn Signal-Dented Front Fender.
%%
Pagan and Proud
%%
Pagan Missionary
%%
Pagan Missionary - let me show you my positions.
%%
Pagan: n. A person whose religion is different from the speakers.
%%
PAGANS Are NOT Evil, Just Different!
%%
Pagans do it in the Woad
%%
Page, Arizona, Shithead Capital of Coconino County: any town with thirteen
churches and only four bars has got an incipient social problem. That town is
looking for trouble.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
PAGE:  Beep the speaker at the sysop to see if he's at home.
%%
:page in: [MIT] vi. 1. To become aware of one's surroundings again
   after having paged out (see {page out}).  Usually confined to
   the sarcastic comment: "Eric pages in, {film at 11}!"
   2. Syn. `swap in'; see {swap}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:page out: [MIT] vi. 1. To become unaware of one's surroundings
   temporarily, due to daydreaming or preoccupation.  "Can you repeat
   that?  I paged out for a minute."  See {page in}.  Compare
   {glitch}, {thinko}.  2. Syn. `swap out'; see {swap}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Page your sysop at 3am and learn new words...
%%
Paging Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard...
%%
Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a
deep heart.  The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on Earth.
 -- Fedor Dostoevsky
%%
Pain -- Finally something we can depend on.
%%
:pain in the net: n. A {flamer}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pain is a thing of the mind.  The mind can be controlled.
 -- Spock, "Operation -- Annihilate!" stardate 3287.2.
%%
Pain is good. It lets you know your still alive.
%%
Pain is inevitable. Misery, however, is an option.
%%
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
%%
Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
%%
Pain is just nature's way of telling you you're alive.
%%
Pain is your body's way of saying: "Hey, stop that!"
%%
PAIN, n.  An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical
basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely
mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PAIN:
 One thing, at least it proves that you're alive!
%%
Pain past is pleasure.
%%
Pain Relief: Ann L. Gesick
%%
Pains of love be sweeter far
Than all other pleasures are.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Tyrannic Love, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Paint a number on her head and Sinead's a billiard ball.
%%
Paint a Trabant in red - sell it to Albania as a Ferrari.
%%
PAINTERS do it out in the field with brightly coloured sticky substances
%%
Painters do it with even strokes.
%%
Painters do it with longer strokes.
%%
Painting is easy when you don't know how,
but very difficult when you do.
 -- Edgar Degas
%%
Painting is something that takes place among the colors, and one has
to leave them alone completely, so that they can settle the matter
among themselves. Their intercourse: this is the whole of painting.
Whoever meddles, arranges, injects his human deliberation, his wit,
his advocacy, his intellectual agility in any way, is already disturbing
and clouding their activity.
 -- Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)
 -- Letter to wife, October 21, 1907
%%
PAINTING, n.  The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and
exposing them to the critic.
    Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work:
the ancients painted their statues.  The only present alliance between
the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Paint never looks the same on the wall as it does on the colour chart.
%%
Paint:  substance to apply before using paint remover.
%%
Pakled Prunes: Things to make you go.
%%
PALACE, n.  A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great
official.  The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church
is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a
field, or wayside.  There is progress.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Paladins do it good or not at all.
%%
Paladins don't do it.
%%
Paladins were born to raze Hell
%%
Palamas: "Love you?  Illogical.  I'm not some kind of shepherdess you can awe."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Palamas: "Please don't hurt them.  Please."
 -- "Who Mourns For Adonais?", Stardate 3468.1.
%%
Pale death approaches with an equal step, and knocks indiscriminately at
the door of the cottage, and the portals of the palace.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Pale Ebenezer thought it wrong to fight,
But Roaring Bull (who killed him) thought it right.
 -- Hilaire Belloc, "The Pacifist"
%%
Palimony -- why buy the bull when you can milk him for free?
%%
Palindrome - Gateman sees name, garageman sees name tag.
%%
Palindrome isn't one.
%%
Palindrome: Snug & raw was I ere I saw war & guns.
%%
PALINDROME spelled backwards is EMORDNILAP.
%%
Palindromic taglines are for roferas enilgat cimordnilap.
%%
Palmgreasity:  A maitre D's attitude.
%%
PALMISTRY, n.  The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's
classification) of obtaining money by false pretences.  It consists in
"reading character" in the wrinkles made by closing the hand.  The
pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very
accurately in this way, for the wrinkles in every hand submitted
plainly spell the word "dupe."  The imposture consists in not reading
it aloud.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PALM, n.  A species of tree having several varieties, of which the
familiar "itching palm" (_Palma hominis_) is most widely distributed
and sedulously cultivated.  This noble vegetable exudes a kind of
invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece
of gold or silver.  The metal will adhere with remarkable tenacity.
The fruit of the itching palm is so bitter and unsatisfying that a
considerable percentage of it is sometimes given away in what are known
as "benefactions."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Palm Springs University-more than 100 degrees available
%%
PAL: Pack And Leave
%%
Palsied eld.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Panama driving: At all costs, don't spill your beer.
%%
Panasia BBS: Internet/EchoMail; No fee & Minimum red tape
%%
Pandaemonium - A high-rise housing development for Chinese bears.
%%
PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours!
%%
PANDEMONIUM, n.  Literally, the Place of All the Demons.  Most of them
have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a
lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.  When disturbed by his voice the
ancient echoes clamor appropriate responses most gratifying to his
pride of distinction.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PANDORA.ZIP  Warning!  DO NOT UnZip this file!
%%
Pangalactic Gargleblaster or Old Mink? Your choice.
%%
panic: can't find /
%%
Panic: can't find  rm -rf *
%%
PANIC: can't find SYS$SYSTEM:
%%
panic dump??? who is this panic and why are they dumping!!!
%%
Panic is never encountered by a Scout who's prepared.
%%
panic: Kernel segmentation violation, core dumped.
%%
panic: Kernel segmentation violation in floating point mode.
%%
panic: kernel trap (ignored)
%%
panic: no super user password entry.
%%
Panic now - avoid the rush!
%%
PANIC: out of beer.
%%
PANTALOONS, n.  A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male.  The
garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of
flexion.  Supposed to have been invented by a humorist.  Called
"trousers" by the enlightened and "pants" by the unworthy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PANTHEISM, n.  The doctrine that everything is God, in
contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Panties: not the best thing in the world, but next to it.
%%
PANTOMIME, n.  A play in which the story is told without violence to
the language.  The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pantomimists do it silently.
%%
Pants: Trousers' country cousins.
%%
Pantyhose = software: free installation available.
%%
Panurge had no sooner heard this, but he was upon the high-rope.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xviii
%%
Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, all very good words for
the lips,--especially prunes and prism.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Little Dorrit, Book ii, Chap. v
%%
Papa's got a brand new bag.
 -- James Brown
%%
Papa Smurf for President; his neigbours for Congress
%%
PaperBoy is almost finished. Wish OS/2 was.
%%
Paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers.
%%
Paper cut; Insulting Tagline.
%%
:paper-net: n. Hackish way of referring to the postal service,
   analogizing it to a very slow, low-reliability network.  USENET
   {sig block}s sometimes include a "Paper-Net:" header just
   before the sender's postal address; common variants of this are
   "Papernet" and "P-Net".  Note that the standard {netiquette}
   guidelines discourage this practice as a waste of bandwidth, since
   netters are quite unlikely to casually use postal addresses.
   Compare {voice-net}, {snail-mail}, {P-mail}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Paper or plastic bags:  Who cares, I'm "BI-SACKS-UAL!"
%%
Paper Rabies:
 Hypersensitivity to littering.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Paperweights -- The only way to keep bills down.
%%
Papsmear:  Fatherhood test...
%%
PA: Punch in ASCII
%%
Parables of an incarcerated man:
If Americans throw rice at weddings, do Chinese throw hot dogs?
Was Robin Hood's mother know as Mother Hood?
How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Co.?
How do you explain counter-clockwise to someone with a digital watch?
%%
"Parachuting Today" by Hugo First
%%
Paradise for a happy man lies in his own good nature.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Paradise is exactly like where you are right now...
 only much, much better.
 -- Laurie Anderson
%%
Paradise : two cubes with dots on them.
%%
Paradise was made for tender hearts; hell, for loveless hearts.
 -- Voltaire
%%
PARADOX = 2 PhD's     PARADISE = 1 PhD + 1 JOB
%%
paradox - a brace of physicians
%%
Paradox: a truth standing on its head to attract attention.
%%
PARALLELIDIOTS: Two people side by side approaching a "left lane ends"
that stick it out until the very last second.
%%
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
 -- Actual excerpt from student science exam papers.
%%
Parallel processors share the task.
%%
Paralyzed from the neck up.
%%
Paralyze:  The checks in the mail and Trust Me.
%%
Paramedics are patient people.
%%
Paramedics can revive anything.
%%
Paramedics save lives...EMT's clean suction units
%%
Paramedics save lives...EMT's still drive the ambulance!
%%
PARAMETER - the absolute limit beyond which the secretary yells for
help
%%
PARANOIA:
     A healthy understanding of the way the universe works.
%%
Paranoia: Believing this tagline is about you.
%%
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.
%%
Paranoia is a man's worst friend.
%%
Paranoia is heightened awareness!!
%%
Paranoia isn't as much fun as it used to be.
%%
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
%%
Paranoia is thinking that if something can't go wrong, it will still go wrong.
%%
Paranoia:  Not an attitude but a way of life.
%%
Paranoid: Keeps looking behind in case of attack by gay AIDs carrier.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
Paranoids Anonymous. "Stop reading my taglines!"
%%
Paranoids are justified.
%%
Paranoids are never alone.
%%
Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy
 to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
 -- D. J. Hicks
%%
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
%%
Paranoids tend to persecute free men.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Paranoid?  Who me?  What?  Where?  How?  Why?  Help!
%%
Paratroopers do it by vertical insertion.
%%
Pardek: "Ambassador Spock, of Vulcan."
Spock: "Proconsul.""
Neral: "Oh, please, I have never liked titles ever since I was a lowly yulan in
  the Romulan Guard."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Pardek: "How could they know of this location?  Someone has betrayed
us!" Spock: "Yes, you did." Pardek: "Spock, we've been friends for
eighty years." Spock: "It is the only logical conclusion.  You asked
me to come to Romulus, you  arranged the meetings with the proconsul.
 And you knew that Picard and Data  had returned to the surface with
new information."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Pardek: "I am Pardek.  You are among friends, Captain."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Pardek: "So what do you think of your enemy, Captain Picard?" Picard:
"These people are no one's enemy, Senator." Pardek: "Many of my colleagues
fear what they have to say.  But I have learned  to listen carefully.
 Children like D'Tan are our future.  Old men like me  will me will
not be able to hold on to ancient prejudice and hostility.  Young
 people won't allow it.  But now, now that they've met their first
real Vulcan,  it has only inspired them more."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Pardek: "Why would they need a Vulcan ship?"
Sela: "That will become clear very shortly."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Pardon him, Theodotus, he is a barbarian, and thinks that the
customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Pardon me, but did you say `Blessed are the cheesemakers'?
%%
Pardon me, but do you have any grey tampons?
%%
Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE
 with your BOOTH!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Pardon me, but is that Grey Poupon on those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?
%%
Pardon me, but would you happen to have any Dead Poupon?
%%
Pardon me, but would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?
%%
Pardon Me, But Would You Have Any Blue Poupon? ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
%%
Pardon me, but your Freudian slip is showing.
%%
Pardon me, but your shoe is ringing...
%%
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
%%
Pardon me, do you have any grey poop on?
%%
Pardon me, do you have any Heinz Pickled Herring?
%%
Pardon me gentlemen, for the length of this letter.
I did not have time to make it shorter.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
Pardon me, I've been smoking DSZ docs.
%%
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
 -- Pick up line
%%
Pardon me, Old Man River, but could you hold it down for a while?
 -- C. Bovitz
%%
Pardon me, waiter. I like my water diluted.
%%
Pardon me while I fold my pants.
%%
Pardon me while I laugh.
%%
Pardon me, your horse is on fire!
%%
Pardon my driving, officer, I was trying to reload!
%%
Pardon my feet, said the elephant as he danced among the chickens.
%%
PARDONNEZ-MOT - That wasn't funny. Sorry.
%%
Pardon our existence and we'll pardon yours.
%%
Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction.
%%
PARDON, v.  To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime.  To
add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PAR: energy.  "Solar par is downright unAmerican!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Parental Discretion is advised.
%%
Parenthesize to avoid ambiguity.
%%
Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
 -- Writing Rule 29
%%
Parenthood-Feeding the mouth that bites you!
%%
Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur.
 -- Alvin Toffler
%%
:parent message: n. What a {followup} follows up.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Parents cannot leave a better legacy to the world than well-educated children.
%%
Parents have heard that their son or daughter can grow up to become
 President of these United States but most of them are showing a strong
 preference for something in the way of work with a more promising future.
%%
Parents like stupid things.
 -- Don of the Starnes Expedition, "And The Children Shall Lead,"
       stardate 5029.5.
%%
Parents. Nothing personal.
 -- Wesley to Data, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
Parents: one of the hardships of a minor's life.
%%
Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Parents Who Watch Television - Have Kids Who Watch Television
%%
Parity check:  Agricultural subsidy.
Parity error:  The parity check is late.
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
parity error.
%%
Parity Error, ctx = 0x%x, virt addr = 0x%x
%%
Parity Error Register %b
%%
:parity errors: pl.n. Little lapses of attention or (in more severe
   cases) consciousness, usually brought on by having spent all night
   and most of the next day hacking.  "I need to go home and crash;
   I'm starting to get a lot of parity errors."  Derives from a
   relatively common but nearly always correctable transient error in
   RAM hardware.  Parity errors can also afflict mass storage and
   serial communication lines; this is more serious because not always
   correctable.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Parity Error, System Halted, Daves out of coffee, Hit Enter to restart
%%
Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
%%
Parking for ACME Sign Company Customers Only.
    Violators will be victims of violent
    terrorist actions at owner's expense.
%%
Parking is such street sorrow.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
Parking is such street sorrow.
 -- Mario Andretti
%%
Parking lot:  A place where arguments start from scratch...
%%
Parking space:  An area that vanishes as you make a U-Turn...
%%
:Parkinson's Law of Data: prov. "Data expands to fill the space
   available for storage"; buying more memory encourages the use of
   more memory-intensive techniques.  It has been observed over the
   last 10 years that the memory usage of evolving systems tends to
   double roughly once every 18 months.  Fortunately, memory density
   available for constant dollars also tends to double about once
   every 12 months (see {Moore's Law}); unfortunately, the laws of
   physics guarantee that the latter cannot continue indefinitely.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Park Overall is an optimist.
%%
Park the HD?  As in moving it from D to P?
%%
Parmenides:  If appearance really appears, it is not nothing,
and therefore must be a part of reality.
%%
:parm: /parm/ n. Further-compressed form of {param}.  This term
   is an IBMism, and written use is almost unknown outside IBM
   shops; spoken /parm/ is more widely distributed, but the synonym
   {arg} is favored among hackers.  Compare {arg}, {var}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PARODY ERROR: Can't Find File WEIRD_AL.EXE
%%
PAROLE: conditional release to prove the inadequacy of the sentence.
%%
:parse: [from linguistic terminology] vt. 1. To determine the
   syntactic structure of a sentence or other utterance (close to the
   standard English meaning).  "That was the one I saw you."  "I
   can't parse that."  2. More generally, to understand or
   comprehend.  "It's very simple; you just kretch the glims and then
   aos the zotz."  "I can't parse that."  3. Of fish, to have to
   remove the bones yourself.  "I object to parsing fish", means "I
   don't want to get a whole fish, but a sliced one is okay".  A
   `parsed fish' has been deboned.  There is some controversy over
   whether `unparsed' should mean `bony', or also mean
   `deboned'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Parsley farmers: can the IRS garnishee their wages?
%%
Parsley is gharsley.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Parson: Do you say your prayers before dinner, Andrew?
Andrew: No sir, my Mum's a good cook.
%%
Part #135246B-6.  Elastic band for 386-33.
%%
Particle physicists do it energetically.
%%
Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool
in the middle of a field in hope that the cow will back up to them.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Parting day
Dies like the dolphin, whom each pang imbues
With a new colour as it gasps away,
The last still loveliest, till--'t is gone, and all is gray.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 29
%%
Parting Shots: Sid Semper Tyrannis
%%
Partition Function: The function of a partition is to protect the lab
   supervisor from shrapnel produced in laboratory
   explosions.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Partition your hard drive with Disk Devastator.
%%
Partition your hard drive with Disk Mangler.
%%
Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.
 -- Janet Long
%%
Part of the art of being a woman is knowing when not to be too much of a lady.
%%
Part of the glacier melts, drowning you under a torrent of water.
%%
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the
 food fight it out inside.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Parts of this product may be derived
from UNIX and Berkeley 4.3 BSD systems...
 -- Label on Solaris 2.x disk
%%
Parts that cannot be assembled incorrectly will be.
 -- The RPCISPE's Tenth Universal Law
%%
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
%%
Part Time Job, full time pay, generous benefits: The Senate of Canada
%%
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
%%
PARTY:
A gathering where you meet people who drink
 so much you can't even remember their names.
%%
Party at Ground Zero.
%%
:@-party: /at'par`tee/ [from the @-sign in an Internet address]
   n. (alt. `@-sign party' /at'si:n par`tee/) A semi-closed
   party thrown for hackers at a science-fiction convention (esp.
   the annual Worldcon); one must have a {network address} to
   get in, or at least be in company with someone who does.  One of
   the most reliable opportunities for hackers to meet face to face
   with people who might otherwise be represented by mere phosphor
   dots on their screens.  Compare {boink}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Party honesty is party expediency.
 -- Grover Cleveland (1837-1908)
 -- Interview in New York Commercial Advertiser, Sept, 19, 1889
%%
Partying is such sweet sorrow.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
Party is the madness of many for the gain of a few.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Thoughts on Various Subjects
%%
Party lines may not be crossed with olive branches.
 -- Liberal Rule # 5
%%
Party On, Dude: Jill Out
%%
Party on, Wayne. Party on.
%%
Party Vegetable
%%
PAS_AL, BASI_, & _OBOL...  C fills all the gaps!
%%
Pascal - A grammar school teacher, and Algol 60's younger sister.  Like her
sister she is petite and attractive, but very bossy.  She is a good cook but
only if the recipe requires no more than one pot (module).
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
Pascal
A Volkswagon Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was once
popular with intellectuals.
%%
Pascal: Computer language used for college football
 player's Known in full as `Pass Calvin or Else'.
%%
Pascal is like C with a mother watching you...
%%
Pascal is not a high-level language.
 -- Steven Feiner
%%
Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat.
 -- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
%%
Pascal, n.:
A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
his grave if he knew about it.
 -- Datamation, January 15, 1984
%%
PASCAL not allowed on this system.
%%
PASCAL programmers are better structured.
%%
PASCAL programmers are blind - they do not "C"!
%%
Pascal programmers do it in variant ways.
%%
Pascal programmers do it with indentations.
%%
PASCAL programmers REPEAT it.
%%
PASCAL users do it with runtime support.
%%
Pascal Users: To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the death
of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
%%
Pascal: What's it Wirth?
%%
PAS: Print And Smear
%%
Pass by the open WINDOWS.
%%
Passengers on elevators constantly rearrange their positions as people
get on and off so there is at all times an equal distance between all bodies.
 -- John Sharkey
%%
Passenger:  "When the train stops will you please tell me at which end
to get off?"

Conductor:  "It doesn't matter, lady, both ends stop."
%%
Pass/Fail:  An attempt by professional educators to replace the
   traditional academic grading system with a binary one
   that can be handled by a large digital computer.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Passing directly from barbarism to decadence.
%%
Passing gas is a normal biological function!
%%
Passionate, as in erotic, counselor?
 -- Pulaski to Troi, Shades of Gray", stardate 42976.1
%%
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
 Eric Hoffer
%%
Passionate kiss like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
%%
Passion is found within.  Happiness is not found without passion.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Passion often makes a madman of the cleverest man,
and renders the greatest fools clever.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Passions are fashions.
 -- Clifton Fadiman
%%
Passions are likened best to floods and streams:
The shallow murmur, but the deep are dumb.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- The Silent Lover
%%
PASSPORT, n.  A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going
abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special
reprobation and outrage.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Passport pictures are what people really look like.
%%
Pass The Cinnamon Rolls and Another Cup Of Coffee
%%
Pass the Security Off--er--the Jello, please, Sisko.
%%
Pass the Word.  Eat a Bible.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
Pass with care, driver chewing tobacco.
 -- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
Pass with care. Driver is a Skoal addict.
 -- Bumper sticker
%%
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
%%
Passwords? -- We don' need no steenkin passwords!
%%
Password: The nonsense word taped to your monitor.
%%
Past Age 50, if it don't hurt, it don't work.
%%
Past and to come seems best; things present worst.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Past are three summers since she first beheld
The ocean; all around the child await
Some exclamation of amazement here.
She coldly said, her long-lasht eyes abased,
Is this the mighty ocean? is this all?
That wondrous soul Charoba once possest,--
Capacious, then, as earth or heaven could hold,
Soul discontented with capacity,--
Is gone (I fear) forever. Need I say
She was enchanted by the wicked spells
Of Gebir, whom with lust of power inflamed
The western winds have landed on our coast?
I since have watcht her in lone retreat,
Have heard her sigh and soften out the name.
 -- Walter Savage Landor (1775-1864)
 -- Gebir, Book ii
%%
Past experience is always true, never be mislaid by present facts.
%%
Past experience should be a guidepost, not a hitching post.
%%
Past History: Four children and an appendectomy.
%%
:pastie: /pay'stee/ n. An adhesive-backed label designed to be
   attached to a key on a keyboard to indicate some non-standard
   character which can be accessed through that key.  Pasties are
   likely to be used in APL environments, where almost every key is
   associated with a special character.  A pastie on the R key, for
   example, might remind the user that it is used to generate the rho
   character.  The term properly refers to nipple-concealing devices
   formerly worn by strippers in concession to indecent-exposure
   laws; compare {tits on a keyboard}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PASTIME, n.  A device for promoting dejection.  Gentle exercise for
intellectual debility.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PAST, n.  That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we
have a slight and regrettable acquaintance.  A moving line called the
Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future.  These
two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually
effacing the other, are entirely unlike.  The one is dark with sorrow
and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy.  The
Past is the region of sobs, the Future is the realm of song.  In the
one crouches Memory, clad in sackcloth and ashes, mumbling penitential
prayer; in the sunshine of the other Hope flies with a free wing,
beckoning to temples of success and bowers of ease.  Yet the Past is
the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow.  They
are one -- the knowledge and the dream.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Past of try is tried.  Past of do is done.
%%
PASTORS do it with SPIRIT
%%
Patageometry, n.:
     The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant
under brain transplants.
%%
Pat Buchanan's just trying to be funny.
%%
Pat Buchanan wants a blinder, more Gentile nation. [D. Miller]
%%
Patch grief with proverbs.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
:patch space: n. An unused block of bits left in a binary so that
   it can later be modified by insertion of machine-language
   instructions there (typically, the patch space is modified to
   contain new code, and the superseded code is patched to contain a
   jump or call to the patch space).  The widening use of HLLs has
   made this term rare; it is now primarily historical outside IBM
   shops.  See {patch} (sense 4), {zap} (sense 4), {hook}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pat Dukkkanan's Campaign:  Total Recoil II
%%
PATENT:
       A method of publicizing inventions so others can copy them.
%%
PATH=allthosedirectories
%%
PATH=C:\DOS;C:\DOS\RUN;C:\WIN\CRASH\DOS;C:\ME\DEL\WIN
%%
PATH=C:\WICCA;C:
EOPAGAN;C:\DISCORDN;C:\MYSTIC;D:\LE_ENGLE
%%
Path=DeskDrawer;Closet;BoxUnderBed;Bookshelf;GarbageCan;
%%
Path=DeskDrawer;Closet;BoxUnderBed;Bookshelf;Hamper
%%
Path = 'down there a ways and to the left'
%%
Pathetic as usual.
%%
PATH=harddrive;drawer;desktop;pocket;boxincloset;boxunder
%%
:path: n. 1. A {bang path} or explicitly routed {{Internet
   address}}; a node-by-node specification of a link between two
   machines.  2. [UNIX] A filename, fully specified relative to the
   root directory (as opposed to relative to the current directory;
   the latter is sometimes called a `relative path').  This is also
   called a `pathname'.  3. [UNIX and MS-DOS] The `search
   path', an environment variable specifying the directories in which
   the {shell} (COMMAND.COM, under MS-DOS) should look for commands.
   Other, similar constructs abound under UNIX (for example, the
   C preprocessor has a `search path' it uses in looking for
   `#include' files).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:pathological: adj. 1. [scientific computation] Used of a data set
   that is grossly atypical of normal expected input, esp. one that
   exposes a weakness or bug in whatever algorithm one is using.  An
   algorithm that can be broken by pathological inputs may still be
   useful if such inputs are very unlikely to occur in practice.
   2. When used of test input, implies that it was purposefully
   engineered as a worst case.  The implication in both senses is that
   the data is spectacularly ill-conditioned or that someone had to
   explicitly set out to break the algorithm in order to come up with
   such a crazy example.  3. Also said of an unlikely collection of
   circumstances.  "If the network is down and comes up halfway
   through the execution of that command by root, the system may just
   crash."  "Yes, but that's a pathological case."  Often used to
   dismiss the case from discussion, with the implication that the
   consequences are acceptable, since they will happen so infrequently
   (if at all) that it doesn't seem worth going to the extra trouble
   to handle that case (see sense 1).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pathological liar -- see: Bill Clinton
%%
Pathological liar -- see: Hillary Clinton
%%
Pathologists do it with corpses.
%%
Path = Wandering Considerably.
%%
Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties
disappear and obstacles vanish.
 -- John Quincy Adams
%%
Patience, and shuffle the cards.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxiii
%%
Patience and sorrow strove
Who should express her goodliest.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Patience HELL! Let's kill something!
%%
Patience is a most necessary quality for business; many a man would rather
you heard his story than grant his request.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Contarini Fleming, Part iv, Chap. v
%%
Patience is a remedy for every sorrow.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 170
%%
Patience is a virgin.
%%
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE! BE PATIENT DARNIT.
%%
Patience is a virtue
Catch it if you can,
Rarely in a woman,
But never in a man!
%%
Patience is a virtue. Rutabega is a vegetable.
%%
Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT!
%%
Patience is a virtue, unless your daughter dies.
%%
Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet.
 -- French Proverb
%%
Patience is not only a virtue - it pays.
%%
Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver
 behind you but not in the one ahead of you.
%%
Patience is sorrow's salve.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Rudens, Act ii, Sc. 5, 71
%%
Patience my ass, I'm going to kill something.
%%
PATIENCE, n.  A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Patience NOW!
%%
Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against
cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have
no power to hurt you.  So in like manner you must grow in patience
when you meet with great wrongs, and they will be powerless to vex
your mind.
 -- Leonardo da Vinci
%%
Patience.  The windmill never strays in search of the wind.
%%
Patience, thou young and rose-lipp'd cherubin.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Patience -- Wait control.
%%
Patience will come to he who waits for it.
%%
Patient became pregnant with an IUD.
%%
Patient: "Doctor, it hurts whenever I do this."
Doctor: "Well, then don't DO that!"
%%
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep
losing my temper with people.
Doctor:  Tell me about your problem.
 Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!
%%
Patients do it feverishly.
%%
Patients do it in bed, sometimes with great pain.
%%
Patrick Roy for President - The Puck stops here!
%%
Patrick's back...
%%
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
 -- George Jean Nathan (1882-1958)
%%
Patriotism is pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), Letter to Lord Chesterfield, 7 April 1775
%%
Patriotism is the passion of fools and the most foolish of passions.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial
reasons.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior
to all others because you were born in it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Patriotism means unqualified and unwavering love for the nation,
which implies not uncritical eagerness to serve, not support for unjust
claims, but frank assessment of its vices and sins, and penitence for
them.
 -- Alexander Solzhenitsyn, 'From Under the Rubble'
%%
PATRIOTISM, n.  Combustible rubbish read to the torch of any one
ambitious to illuminate his name.
    In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the
last resort of a scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened
but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PATRIOT, n.  One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to
those of the whole.  The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Patroclus, lov'd of all my martial train,
Beyond mankind, beyond myself, is slain!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xviii, Line 103
%%
Patron: Commonly a wretch who supports with insolence,
and is paid with flattery.
 -- Johnson, Definition Dictionary
%%
Pauca sed matura.  [Few but excellent (or ripe).]
 -- Gauss
%%
PAUD: PAUse Dramatically
%%
Paul Harvey fans always have a good day
%%
Paul Lynde to block...
 -- a contestant on Hollywood Squares
%%
Paul McCartney seen smooching with Elvis!
%%
Paul Revere: "One if by LAN, two if by C..."
%%
  Paul Reverse: Tory patriot who warned the British that the
 Americans were coming.
 -- Not-so-Famous People from History
%%
Paused: enter any 12-digit prime number to continue.
%%
Pause for storage relocation.
%%
Pavement 'Possum
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Pave the bay.
%%
Pave the planet.  One world.  One people.  One slab of asphalt.
%%
Pave the rainforest, shoot the condors, nuke the whales!
%%
PAWN: on top of.  "Put yur guns pawn the table!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Pawn to Queen's level three.
%%
Pay careful attention to the Tao-Jones Average.
%%
PAYCHECK:
The weekly $5.27 that remains after deductions for federal
withholding, state withholding, city withholding, FICA,
medical/dental, long-term disability, unemployment insurance,
Christmas Club, and payroll savings plan contributions.
%%
Paying alimony is like pumping gas into another man's car.
%%
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
 -- Karl, as he stepped behind the computer to reboot it, during a FAT, 1982
%%
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
 -- The Wizard Of Oz
%%
Pay no attention to whatever advice you receive.
 -- Edward Gorey
%%
Pay no attention to what the critics say.  A statue has never been
erected in honor of a critic.
 -- Jean Sibelius
%%
PAYPUL: a body of persons.  "Who are all these paypul?"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Pay TV: "FeeVee"
%%
:payware: /pay'weir/ n. Commercial software.  Oppose {shareware}
   or {freeware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pay what you owe, and what you're worth you'll know.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
PAZ     Pack Alpha and Drop Zones (for you IBMers)
%%
PBC: Print and Break Chain
%%
:PBD: /P-B-D/ [abbrev. of `Programmer Brain Damage'] n. Applied
   to bug reports revealing places where the program was obviously
   broken by an incompetent or short-sighted programmer.  Compare
   {UBD}; see also {brain-damaged}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PBD: Print and Break Drum
%%
PBF: Pay Bus Fare
%%
PBL: Pack Bags and Leave
%%
PBM: Pop Bubble Memory
%%
PBN     Play Beethoven's Ninth.
%%
PBPBPBP Place Backup in Plain Brown Paper Bag, Please [for stealing code]
%%
PBST: Play Batch mode Star Trek
%%
PBS: TV for the humor impaired.
%%
PBS Virus: Your computer stops every five minutes to ask for money.
%%
PBT: Prune Binary Tree
%%
PC 1st Amendment: "Free speech for me but not for thee."
%%
PC (and taglines) are on the "bench."
%%
PC and taglines are under repair.
%%
PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks.
%%
PCBoard 15.0/E3 the best (until PCBoard 15.1/E3)
%%
Pcboard 15.0 the best value for the serious SysOp.
%%
PCBored?  Call a WILDCAT! BBS tonight!
%%
PCB: Pause for Coffee Break
%%
PCB's are bad for the environment, call a Wildcat! TODAY!
%%
PCDOS&MSDOS&CP/M&WINDOWSI'LLFIDDLEWITHOS/2WOULDN'TYOU
%%
PCD: PunCh Disk
%%
PCI: Pleat Cards Immediate
%%
:PC-ism: /P-C-izm/ n. A piece of code or coding technique that
   takes advantage of the unprotected single-tasking environment in
   IBM PCs and the like, e.g., by busy-waiting on a hardware register,
   direct diddling of screen memory, or using hard timing loops.
   Compare {ill-behaved}, {vaxism}, {unixism}.  Also,
   `PC-ware' n., a program full of PC-isms on a machine with a more
   capable operating system.  Pejorative.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pckd tgln, vwls nsrtd ltr.
%%
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
%%
PC memo - henceforth broadjumping will be referred to as womynjumping.
%%
PC Programmers do it 32 bits at a time!
%%
PC RAID -- Kills program bugs, DEAD!
%%
PCR: Print and Cut Ribbon
%%
PCs are OK except when you use them as bowling balls.
%%
PCS: Push to Centre of Stack
%%
PC's --- the junk bonds of the computer industry.
%%
PC & taglines under final tests.
%%
PC: the refuge of the cognitively challenged.
%%
PDASORN - Power down and shut off right now.
%%
PDH: Page to Disk for the Hell of it
%%
PDLD: Power Down and Lock Door [to computer room]
%%
:PDL: /P-D-L/, /pid'l/, /p*d'l/ or /puhd'l/ 1. n. `Program
   Design Language'.  Any of a large class of formal and profoundly
   useless pseudo-languages in which {management} forces one to
   design programs.  Too often, management expects PDL descriptions to
   be maintained in parallel with the code, imposing massive overhead
   to little or no benefit.  See also {{flowchart}}.  2. v. To design
   using a program design language.  "I've been pdling so long my
   eyes won't focus beyond 2 feet."  3. n. `Page Description
   Language'.  Refers to any language which is used to control a
   graphics device, usually a laserprinter.  The most common example
   is, of course, Adobe's {{PostScript}} language, but there are many
   others, such as Xerox InterPress, etc.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:PDP-10: [Programmed Data Processor model 10] n. The machine that
   made timesharing real.  It looms large in hacker folklore because
   of its adoption in the mid-1970s by many university computing
   facilities and research labs, including the MIT AI Lab, Stanford,
   and CMU.  Some aspects of the instruction set (most notably the
   bit-field instructions) are still considered unsurpassed.  The 10
   was eventually eclipsed by the VAX machines (descendants of the
   PDP-11) when DEC recognized that the 10 and VAX product lines were
   competing with each other and decided to concentrate its software
   development effort on the more profitable VAX.  The machine was
   finally dropped from DEC's line in 1983, following the failure of
   the Jupiter Project at DEC to build a viable new model.  (Some
   attempts by other companies to market clones came to nothing; see
   {Foonly} and {Mars}.)  This event spelled the doom of
   {{ITS}} and the technical cultures that had spawned the original
   Jargon File, but by mid-1991 it had become something of a badge of
   honorable old-timerhood among hackers to have cut one's teeth on a
   PDP-10.  See {{TOPS-10}}, {{ITS}}, {AOS}, {BLT}, {DDT},
   {DPB}, {EXCH}, {HAKMEM}, {JFCL}, {LDB}, {pop},
   {push}, {Appendix A}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:PDP-20: n. The most famous computer that never was.  {PDP-10}
   computers running the {{TOPS-10}} operating system were labeled
   `DECsystem-10' as a way of differentiating them from the PDP-11.
   Later on, those systems running {TOPS-20} were labeled
   `DECSYSTEM-20' (the block capitals being the result of a lawsuit
   brought against DEC by Singer, which once made a computer called
   `system-10'), but contrary to popular lore there was never a
   `PDP-20'; the only difference between a 10 and a 20 was the
   operating system and the color of the paint.  Most (but not all)
   machines sold to run TOPS-10 were painted `Basil Blue', whereas
   most TOPS-20 machines were painted `Chinese Red' (often mistakenly
   called orange).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:PD: /P-D/ adj. Common abbreviation for `public domain', applied
   to software distributed over {USENET} and from Internet archive
   sites.  Much of this software is not in fact public domain in
   the legal sense but travels under various copyrights granting
   reproduction and use rights to anyone who can {snarf} a copy.  See
   {copyleft}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PD: Play Dead
%%
PD: Punch Disk
%%
P. D. Q. Bach's life proves, if proof be needed, the importance of a
sound musical education.
 -- Prof. Peter Schickele (?)
%%
PDSK: Punch DiSK
%%
PDUMP
99 blocks of crud on the disk,
99 blocks of crud!
You patch a bug, and dump it again:
100 blocks of crud on the disk!
100 blocks of crud on the disk,
100 blocks of crud!
You patch a bug, and dump it again:
101 blocks of crud on the disk!
(Repeat ad nauseam...)
 -- The Great Quux 2 December 1976
%%
Peace, above all things, is to be desired, but blood must sometimes be
spilled to obtain it on equable and lasting terms.
 -- Andrew Jackson
%%
Peace be to this house, and all that dwell in it.
%%
Peace be to this house.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke x, 5
%%
Peace be within thy walls, and prosperity
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxii, 7
%%
Peace.  By overwhelming military & economic superiority..
%%
Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Peaceful Coexistence my Fantail! Phasers on Maximum!
%%
Peace hath her victories
No less renown'd than war.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- To the Lord General Cromwell
%%
PEACE in America,  NOT America in Pieces.
%%
Peace is an extension of war by political means. Plenty of elbow room is
pleasanter -- and much safer.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Peace is much more precious than a piece of land... let there be no more wars.
 -- Mohammed Anwar Sadat (1918-1981)
%%
Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue, a state of mind, a
disposition for benevolence, confidence, justice.
 -- Baruch Spinoza
%%
Peace is not a passive, but an active virtue.
 -- Monsignor Fulton J. Sheen
%%
Peace is not a relationship of nations.  It is a condition of mind
brought about by a serenity of soul.  Peace is not merely the absence
of war.  It is also a state of mind.  Lasting peace can come only
to peaceful people.
 -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
Peace is not a season; it is a way of life.
%%
Peace is not necessarily God's gift to you, it is your gift to others and
 their gift to you.
%%
Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Peace is only possible if men cease to place their happiness in the posession
of things which cannot be shared.
%%
Peace is our profession.
 -- Motto of Strategic Air Command

Peace in our profession.      War is just a hobby.
 -- Stationery available in PX, Barksdale SAC AFB
%%
Peace is rarely denied to the peaceful.
%%
Peace, Love & Understanding
 -- Elvis Costello
%%
Peace loving mungbeans baby.
%%
PEACENIKS; Demonstrate in a dictatorship!!!!
%%
Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between
two periods of
fighting.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PEACE, n.  In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
periods of fighting.

    O, what's the loud uproar assailing
        Mine ears without cease?
    'Tis the voice of the hopeful, all-hailing
        The horrors of peace.

    Ah, Peace Universal; they woo it --
        Would marry it, too.
    If only they knew how to do it
        'Twere easy to do.

    They're working by night and by day
        On their problem, like moles.
    Have mercy, O Heaven, I pray,
        On their meddlesome souls!
                                                               Ro Amil
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Peace on Earth.  Wish you were here.
 -- Dan'l Danehy-Oakes, Christmas Card greetings...
%%
Peace, peace; when there is no peace.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah vi, 14; viii, 11
%%
Peace rules the day, where reason rules the mind.
 -- William Collins, "Hassan"
%%
Peace. The small departs,
The great approaches.
Good fortune. Success.
%%
Peace Through Digital Harmony
%%
Peace through superior firepower.
 -- The Peddler, "Arsenal of Freedom", stardate 41798.2
%%
Peace through superior swordplay
%%
Peace Through Superior Treknology.
%%
Peace was the way.
 -- Kirk, "The City on the Edge of Forever," stardate unknown.
%%
Peace without justice is tyranny.
 -- William Allen White
%%
Peanuts: The Drinking Man's Filter.
%%
Pearl Jam!  Nirvana!  Lemonheads!  STP!  RHCP! ...etc...
%%
Pearl of great price.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xiii, 46
%%
Pears Have Telekinetic Powers, Say Psychopathic Psychologists.
%%
Pearson & Presley in '92. Vote Often!!
%%
Peasant : Well, she turned me into a newt!
 Bevidere: (skeptically): A newt?
 Peasant : (pause, then sheepishly): I got better...
 -- Monty Python's Holy Grail
%%
PEBKAC:  Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair...
%%
Pecan Sandies, health food of the gods!
%%
Peckish, sir?
%%
Peculiar. It doesn't smell at all unusual.
%%
Peculiar. Nothing unexpected happens.
%%
Pedaeration, n.:
      The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the
sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
Pedal to the Metal
%%
Pedantry crams our heads with learned lumber, and takes out our brains
to make room for it.
 -- Colton
%%
Pedants rule, Ok - or, more accurately, exhibit certain of the trappings
of traditional leadership.
%%
Pedestrian: A guy who is sure there is still gas in the tank when the
    gauge points to "Empty".
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
PEDESTRIAN, n.  The variable (an audible) part of the roadway for an
automobile.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pedestrian: Someone who found a place to park...
%%
Pedestrian: The most approachable chap in the world.
%%
Pediatricians do it with children.
%%
PEDIGREE, n.  The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor
with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PED 'X'ING: 100 POINTS IF THEY BOUNCE, 500 IF THEY BOUNCE TWICE
%%
:peek: n.,vt. (and {poke}) The commands in most microcomputer
   BASICs for directly accessing memory contents at an absolute
   address; often extended to mean the corresponding constructs in any
   {HLL} (peek reads memory, poke modifies it).  Much hacking on
   small, non-MMU micros consists of `peek'ing around memory, more
   or less at random, to find the location where the system keeps
   interesting stuff.  Long (and variably accurate) lists of such
   addresses for various computers circulate (see {{interrupt list,
   the}}).  The results of `poke's at these addresses may be highly
   useful, mildly amusing, useless but neat, or (most likely) total
   {lossage} (see {killer poke}).

   Since a {real operating system} provides useful, higher-level
   services for the tasks commonly performed with peeks and pokes on
   micros, and real languages tend not to encourage low-level memory
   groveling, a question like "How do I do a peek in C?" is
   diagnostic of the {newbie}.  (Of course, OS kernels often have to
   do exactly this; a real C hacker would unhesitatingly, if
   unportably, assign an absolute address to a pointer variable and
   indirect through it.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Peeping Tom = A Guy too lazy to go to the Beach!
%%
Peeping Tom - A perverted cat on stilts.
%%
PEEPING TOM:
  A window fan.
%%
Peeping Tom: Sawyer Scanties
%%
Peeple think weer stoopid just becuz weer blond.
%%
Pee-Wee' didn't have a free hand, Mr.Dahlmer gave him one!
%%
Pee-Wee' fired his lawyer. He said he could handle it himself.
%%
Pee-Wee' Herman....Aw, why beat a dead horse..[GRIN]
%%
Pee-Wee' Herman dies from a Stroke... News at 10
%%
Pee-Wee' Herman:If sh*t happens, don't get it on your hand!
%%
Pee-Wee' Herman Tour '91..... COMING IN A THEATRE NEAR YOU
%%
Pee-Wee' says he can handle it himself sir.
%%
Pee-Wee''s CLEANERS: Drop your pants and Jacket off here.
%%
Pee-Wee''s favorite baseball team --< the Expos.
%%
Pee-Wee''s favorite book: 'Sexual positions for one' by Ivan Jackinoff
%%
Pee-Wee''s favorite eating establishment: Jack in the box
%%
Pee-Wee''s favorite song: 'All by myself'
%%
Pee-Wee''s favorite song: 'Beat it'
%%
Pee-Wee''s favorite song: 'I touch myself'
%%
Pee-Wee' would write, but he does not have a free hand!
%%
Pegasus : Horny and Hung Like a Horse.
%%
PEGGY FLEMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Peg: "Is that money in your pants, Al, or are you just...well, let's
face it, we both know it's money."
%%
Peg, leave me alone!  Don't you see I'm trying to have sex!
%%
Peg: " What's up with men who have to look at other women
       when they have us at home?"
Al:  " Well, sometimes when you drive a Dodge you want to
       close your eyes and dream it's a Ferrari.
%%
PEHC: Punch Extra Holes in Cards
%%
Pelicans have switched from sardines to herring. The reason is obvious. The
 smaller fish just didn't fill the bill! (Oh, I am sorry, really!)
%%
Pelorat sighed.
       "I will never understand people."
     "There's nothing to it. All you have to do is take a close look at
yourself and you will understand everyone else.  How would Seldon have worked
out his Plan--and I don't care how subtle his mathematics was--if he didn't
understand people; and how could he have done that if people weren't easy to
understand?  You show me someone who can't understand people and I'll show you
someone who has built up a false image of himself--no offense intended."
 -- Asimov, "Foundation's Edge"
%%
Penalties against possession of a drug should not
be more damaging to an individual than the use of
the drug itself.
 -- President Jimmy Carter, Message to Congress, August 2, 1977
%%
Penalty - 2 minutes for Cross Dressing
 -- Hockey can be like Sex
%%
:pencil and paper: n. An archaic information storage and
   transmission device that works by depositing smears of graphite on
   bleached wood pulp.  More recent developments in paper-based
   technology include improved `write-once' update devices which use
   tiny rolling heads similar to mouse balls to deposit colored
   pigment.  All these devices require an operator skilled at
   so-called `handwriting' technique.  These technologies are
   ubiquitous outside hackerdom, but nearly forgotten inside it.  Most
   hackers had terrible handwriting to begin with, and years of
   keyboarding tend to have encouraged it to degrade further.  Perhaps
   for this reason, hackers deprecate pencil-and-paper technology and
   often resist using it in any but the most trivial contexts.  See
   also {Appendix B}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pencil cursors are for user-interface weenies.
 -- Rob MacLachlan
%%
Penetration under the bed.
He loses his property and his ax
Perseverance brings misfortune.
%%
Penguins: Pennsylvania's only hope for a Stanley Cup.
%%
Penguins!, Underwater Penguins!, with SCUBA Gear!
%%
Penguin: the headwaiter of the Antarctic.
%%
Penguin Trivia #46:
   Animals who are not penguins can only wish they were.
 -- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
%%
Penis: A fibrous muscle often found in women.
%%
PENITENT, adj.  Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Penny: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.
%%
Penny for your thoughts?  SURE, Do I get Change?
%%
Penny saved is a penny got.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- The Miser, Act iii, Sc. 12
%%
Penny wise, pound foolish.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
Pentagon Press Release: Colonel O'Truth and Lotta Lies.
%%
Penthouse Magazine says Jimmy Swaggart hates Catholics. He does not. He
 does hate what he thinks Catholics are, but there are not any of these
 around. He just doesn't know the difference.
%%
Pentium - for those who've never heard of K.I.S.S.
%%
Pentium: Intel's version of the 586.
%%
Pentium - It's a computer chip AND a space heater!
%%
Pentium Problem: Every time I turn it on, I burn it up, and burn it out.
%%
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
%%
Pentiums: small appliance replacements for the next century.
%%
:peon: n. A person with no special ({root} or {wheel})
   privileges on a computer system.  "I can't create an account on
   *foovax* for you; I'm only a peon there."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
People all wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
%%
People always get tired of one another.  I grow tired of myself whenever
I am left alone for ten minutes, and I am certain that I am fonder of
myself than anyone else can be of another person.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
People always get what they ask for;
the only trouble is that they never know,
until they get it, what it actually is that they
have asked for.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
People always remember the last mistake you made.
%%
People always turn away from the eyes of a stranger.
%%
People are always available for work in the past tense.
 -- Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour
%%
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.  I do
not believe in circumstances.  The people who get on in this world are
the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if
they cannot find them, make them.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
People are always talking about tradition, but they forget we have
a tradition of a few hundred years of nonsense and stupidity, that
there is a tradition of idiocy, incompetence and crudity.
 -- Hugo Demartini, in "Contemporary Artists", 1977
%%
People are beginning to notice you.
Try dressing before you leave the house.
%%
People are blinky.
%%
People are boring. Computers are fun.
%%
People are divided into two groups, the righteous and
the unrighteous--and it's the unrighteous who do the
dividing
%%
People are dying that never died before.
%%
People are either born hosts or born guests.
 -- Max Beerbohm
%%
People are funny. Tell them there is 400k of space left on a disk and they
will believe you. Put a sign saying "WET PAINT" on a door and they will have
to make a personal investigation.
%%
People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for
 the baby because it's in water. Then it comes out into water. I guess it
 probably would be less traumatic for the baby, but certainly more traumatic
 for the other people in the pool.
 -- Elayne Boosler
%%
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
 -- Joseph Newton
%%
People are more easily led than driven.
 -- David Harold Fink
%%
PEOPLE are more fun than Anybody!
%%
People are more violently opposed to fur than
leather because it's safer to harass rich women
than motorcycle gangs.
%%
People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
People are never so ready to believe you as when you say things in
dispraise of yourself; and you are never so much annoyed as when they
take you at your word.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
        "People are now taking shotguns to UFO sightings. Kinda brings a whole
new meaning to the phrase 'You ain't from 'round here, are ya?'"
 -- Bill Hicks
%%
People are only heroes when they can't do anything else.
 -- Paul Claudel
%%
People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year,
but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and
Christmas.
 -- Duncan Bailey
%%
People are still having sex.
%%
People are strange.
 -- The Doors
%%
People are strange when you're a stranger.
%%
People are stupid.
The world can go to hell.
Let'stay home and watch TV.
%%
People are SUPPOSED to be inconvenient.  If you're too
convenient, you aren't doing your job.
%%
People are the only creatures with the power of laughter.
%%
People are unconditionally guaranteed to be full of defects.
%%
People are usually more convinced by reasons
they discovered themselves than by those found by others.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
People are very flexible and learn to adjust to strange
surroundings -- they can become accustomed to read Lisp and
Fortran programs, for example.
 -- Leon Sterling and Ehud Shapiro, Art of Prolog, MIT Press
%%
People ask for criticism, but they only want praise.
 -- Somerset Maugham
%%
People ask stupid questions for a reason.
%%
People ask "Where do you get your ideas?"...
%%
People at the top make decisions as though times were good when people
at the bottom know that the organization is collapsing.
 -- Paul Gray
%%
People become progressively less competent for jobs they were once well
equipped to handle.
 -- Paul Armer
%%
People can have the Model T in any colour--so long as it's black.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
People! Can't live with em, Can't live without em!
%%
People can travel faster than sound, yes, but not nearly so fast as rumor!
%%
People can't understand, "Whopper, NO onions and NO pickles!"
%%
People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
People come up to me and they're worried...that I'll reproduce.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
People continue to say that God made New Jersey. The problem is that it did
 not pass quality control.
%%
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom
of thought which they seldom use.
 -- Kierkegaard
%%
People detest state changes.
 -- Friedman's first law
%%
People disappoint you. Lovers disappoint you. But theatrical memorabilia
 stays with you, as long as you keep it under clear plastic.
 -- Sylvia Miles
%%
People dislike one word occupational titles. This is why Yuppies don't like
 or have children, the title is one word; Mommy or Daddy.
%%
... people do not attempt to mate with cats, and frogs do not
attempt to mate with scientist (although the latter possibility
might result in a researcher who jumps to conclusions).
 -- "Genetic Algorithms" by David E. Goldberg
%%
People do not hire lawyers because they want justice. People hire lawyers
because they want revenge.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
People don't ask for facts in making up their minds. They would rather
have one good, soul-satisfying emotion than a dozen facts.
 -- Robert Keith Leavitt
%%
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
 -- John C. Maxwell
%%
People don't change; they only become more so.
 -- John Bright-Holmes
%%
People don't form relationships, they take hostages.
%%
People don't make the same mistake twice, they make it three times, four
time, or five times.
%%
People don't own cats, cats own PEOPLE!
%%
People don't plan to fail, they fail to plan.
%%
People down South are incredibly polite. Even their war was civil.
 -- Dudley Moore
%%
People everywhere enjoy believing things that they know are not true.
 It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking
 responsibility for what they know.
 -- Brooks Atkinson
%%
People fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin
to blame someone else.
%%
People fall from great fortune because of the same shortcomings
that led to their rise.
 -- La Bruyere (French essayist)
%%
People fall ill, grow old, and die. No matter what magnificent dawn
illuminates your life, you will, in the end, be nailed up in a coffin
and thrown in a pit.
%%
People find life entirely too time-consuming.
 -- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
People forget how fast you did a job
 -- but remember how well you did it.
 -- Howard. W. Newton, advertising executive
%%
People from Los Angeles don't trust the air they can't see.
%%
People generally quarrel because they cannot argue.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously.
 This is how character is built.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt, My Day
%%
People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not
what you nag them to be.
%%
People have declaimed against luxury for 2,000 years ... and people have
always delighted in it.
%%
People have one thing in common: they are all different.
 -- Robert Zend
%%
People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in
working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever
anything really meaningful to say.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Breakfast of Champions
%%
People humiliating a salami!
%%
People in distress never think you feel enough.
 -- Dr. Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784
%%
People in general do not willingly read
if they have anything else to amuse them.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Neither should
 they nail up pictures.
%%
People in groups tend to agree on courses of action which as individuals,
 they know are stupid.
%%
People in hell--where do they tell people to go?
 -- Red Skelton
%%
People in stucco houses should not throw quiche.
 -- Sonny Crocket
%%
People in systems do not do what the system says they are
doing.
 -- The Functionary's Falsity
The system itself does not do what it says it is doing.
 -- The Operational Fallacy
%%
People just don't know how to handle it if a woman uses smarts and
brains rather than tits.
 -- Tracy Bonahm
%%
People just naturally assume that dogs would be incapable of working together
 on some sort of construction project.  But what about just a big field full of
 holes?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
People keep asking, what must I do to be a candidate for Vice President,
 and I keep telling them....nothing...nothing...nothing...
%%
People keep telling me that I am never too old to learn, and I keep
 wondering why they say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
%%
People keep telling me that I do not have a sense of humor, and I don't
 think that is funny at all, not one little bit.
%%
People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful
 things in the world.  What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with
 long, blond hair.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
People leave Washington, D.C, by box, either ballot or coffin.
%%
People let me tell ya 'bout my best friend
%%
People, like nails, lose their effectiveness when they lose direction
and begin to bend.
 -- Walter Savage Landor
%%
People like that are the reason we have middle fingers.
%%
People look ridiculous when they're in ecstasy.
%%
People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent
plausible.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must
certainly work for all they get.
 -- Frederick Douglas
%%
People must be free to work, to save, to own their own home, to take
risks, to invest in each other and, in essence, to control their own lives.
 -- George Bush
%%
People must not attempt to impose their own 'truth' on others. The right to
profess the truth must always be upheld, but not in a way that involves
contempt for those who may think differently. Truth imposes itslef solely by
the force of its own truth.
 -- Pope John Paul II, 1 January 1991
%%
People need good lies.  There are too many bad ones.
 -- Bokonon, Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
%%
People need hard times and oppression to develop psychic muscles.
 -- Frank Herbert, Dune
%%
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
 -- Otto von Bismarck
%%
People never travel to look at flat landscapes.
%%
People of Earth, your attention please.  This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the
Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.  As you will no doubt be aware, the
plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the
building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and
regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition.  The process
will take slightly less that two of your Earth minutes.  Thank you.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction
rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the
future.
%%
People often mistakenly equate existence with need.
%%
People often mistake what I say for what I am thinking. .
 -- Idi Amin Dada
%%
People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But
the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.
 -- Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin
%%
People often talk of my drinking, but they never speak of my thirst.
 -- Scottish proverb
%%
People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment or
 diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public,
 or some contrivance to raise prices.
 -- Adam Smith (1723-1790), "Wealth of Nations"
%%
People on 'ludes Should Not Use E-Mail.........
%%
People only notice squeaky wheels.
%%
People only see what they are prepared to see.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
People only think a thing's worth believing in if it's hard to believe.
 -- Armiger Barclay
%%
People ought to leave Jimmy Swaggart alone. On the other hand, Jimmy
 Swaggart ought to leave people alone. Or something like that...
%%
People perceive machines as people.
 -- Taber's Second Law of Manufacturing Information Systems
 -- Pat Taber
%%
People power works.... Ask a Socred!
%%
People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it.
%%
People really shouldn't spread gossip, but what else is it good for?
%%
People regularly kill one another, and then write passionate letters to the
 editor about killing off an endangered species.
%%
People respond to people who respond.
%%
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
%%
People say I'm indecisive. Am I?  I don't know.
%%
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
%%
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of
other people have been left out of the pleasure.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
People seem to think that the blanket phrase, "I only work here",
absolves them utterly from any moral obligation in terms of the public -- but
this was precisely Eichmann's excuse for his job in the concentration camps.
%%
People see what they have been conditioned to see; they refuse to
see what they don't expect to see.
 -- Merle P. Martin
%%
People seldom improve, when they have no other model but themselves to copy.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
People should be measured in feats, not feet.
%%
People should have access to the data which you have about them.   There should
 be a process for them to challenge any inaccuracies.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
People should live life, not let life live them.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
People should mate for life, like pigeons or catholics.
 -- Woody Allen,Manhattan
%%
People smart enough to give good advice are usually smart enough to give none.
%%
People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.
 -- Lippman's Lemma
%%
People still become infatuated with one another, fall in love, go together,
 get married and live together, but not necessarily in that order.
%%
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.  Just
because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
 -- H. Jackson Browne, P. S. I Love You
%%
People talk about the middle of the road as though it were unacceptable.
Actually, all human problems, excepting morals, come into the gray
areas. Things are not all black and white.  There have to be
compromises.  The middle of the road is all the usable surface.  The
extremes, right and left, are the gutters.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share,
and no one dare disturb the Sound of Silence.
 -- Simon & Garfunkel, Sounds of Silence
%%
People tell me, "gee, you look good." There are three ages of man: youth,
 middle age, and "gee, you look good." But I don't let old age bother me.
 There are three signs of old age. Loss of memory ... I forget the other two
 ... My doctor said I look like a million dollars--green and wrinkled.
 -- Red Skelton
%%
People tell me when I'm deaf.
%%
People tell you to give them your two cents worth, then they say they want a
 penny for your thoughts.  Somewhere someone's making a penny.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
%%
People that have fuzzy dice hanging from their rear-view mirrors often
suffer from insomnia.
%%
People that make puns are like wanton boys that put coppers on the
railroad tracks.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, i
%%
People these days are reluctant to read the canonical texts, but they
 love fiction. Not all fiction, mind you, for they are sick of exemplary themes
and far prefer the obscene and fantastic. How low contemporary morals have
sunk! Anyone concerned about public morality will want to retrieve the
situation.
 -- Li Yu, in "The Carnal Prayer Mat" c. 1657 A.D.
%%
People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly.  But they
 forget the negative side, which is the preening.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
People think love is an emotion.   Love is good sense.
 -- Ken Kesey
%%
People Treat Me Like a Dog!
 -- Salmon Rushdie's latest work,
                 on the effects of his plastic surgery.
%%
People try to put us d-d-down, just because we ge-ge-get around.
 Things they do look awful c-c-cold.   Hope I d-die before I get old.
 -- The Who
%%
People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
%%
People want JUST taxes more than they want LOWER taxes. They want to
know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to wealth.
%%
People want to take sex education out of the schools. They believe sex
 education causes promiscuity--if you have the knowledge, you use it. Hey, I
 took algebra. I never do math.
 -- Elayne Boosler
%%
People were out there looting their asses off... When they saw us,
they shouted, "Viva Bush!"
 -- A US soldier present at the invasion of Panama
%%
People who abstain from smoking, drinking, and having sex do not necessarily
live longer...  It just seems longer.
%%
People who are always taking care of their health are like misers, who
are hoarding a treasure which they have never spirit enough to enjoy.
 -- Sterne
%%
People who are easily offended, really offend me.
%%
People who are excessively concerned about the environment invariably
turn out to own a great deal of land. There are damn few unemployed
and renters in the ecology movement.
 -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get much better
press than people who are just funny and smart.
 -- Howard Simons, The Washington Post
%%
People who are grateful are usually good.
%%
People who are incapable of making decisions are the ones who hit those barrels
at freeway exits.
%%
People who aren't going to go any faster than the speed limit really ought
to put their hazard lights on.
 -- Nibble's Rules Of The Road, #19
%%
People who believe, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at
 all," will refuse to talk to you.
%%
People who believe that the dead never come back to life should be
here at quitting time.
%%
People who Bowl Vote.
Bowlers are not the cultural elite.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle while at a Las Vegas bowling
                   alley. The Vice President bowled 5 times, and knocked
                   down 19 pins.  (6/25/92, San Jose Mercury News)
                   The American Bowling Congress projected his score for a
                   full game to be 76.  The Detroit average for amateur
                   players is 163 (USA Today, 7/6/92)
%%
People who can least afford to pay rent pay rent.
 -- Perlweig's First Law
%%
People who can most afford to pay rent build equity.
 -- Perlweig's Second Law
%%
People who can't figure out what to do with a Sunday afternoon are
often the same ones who can't wait for retirement.
%%
People who claim they don't let little things bother them
 have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
%%
People who claim to know jackrabbits will tell you they are primarily
motivated by Fear, Stupidity, and Craziness. But I have spent enough
time in jackrabbit country to know that most of them lead pretty dull
lives; they are bored with their daily routines: eat, fuck, sleep, hop
around a bush now & then.... No wonder some of them drift over the
line into cheap thrills once in a while; there has to be a powerful
adrenalin rush in crouching by the side of a road, waiting for the next
set of headlights to come along, then streaking out of the bushes with
split-second timing and making it across to the other side just inches
in front of the speeding front tires.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson, 'Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72'
%%
People who clip their fingernails in public deserve to be thrown off a
 bridge during a tidal wave.
%%
People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.
%%
People who constantly check the coin return in the pay phone, when they
 have no change coming, should be whipped.
%%
People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.
 -- Jon Bentley
%%
People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world
citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
People Who Dislike Cats were RATS in a former life!
%%
People who don't read are brutes.
 -- Eugene Ionesco
%%
People who don't Think probably don't have Brains; rather, they have
grey fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
People who'd rather push a FORD, usually do!
%%
People who dream impossible dreams and strive to achieve them raise
man's stature a fraction of an inch in the process, whether they win or lose.
%%
People who eat snails are slime!!
%%
People who emit Cherenkov radiation make me nervous.
%%
People who fight fire with fire generally end up as ashes.
%%
People who gleet in glass houses, shouldn't!
%%
People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor
jerk who is shy half a slug who must tighten his belt.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
 -- Ozman's Law
%%
People who hate their work are slaves, no matter how much they make.
%%
People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they
have a right to ours. The inference is false, a gift confers no rights.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
People who have no faith in themselves seldom have faith in others.
%%
People who have no faults are terrible;
 there is no way of taking advantage of them.
%%
People who have nothing to say often do and take a good long time doing it.
 People who have something to say, often do not. People who are unsure,
 often go ahead and say it anyway, thus putting them into the first
 category.
%%
People who have the power to make things happen don't do the things
that people do, so they don't know what needs to happen.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
People who insist on sticking with the truth can be terribly boring and
 just downright insulting.
%%
 People who insult others are jerks.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
People who know little are usually great talkers,
while men who know much say little.
 -- Jean Jacques Rousseau, "Emile, ou de l'education", 1762
%%
People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing
they like.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
 -- in G. W. E. Russell Collections and Recollections (1898) ch. 30
 -- Judgement on a book.
%%
People who live beyond their income should act their wage.
%%
People who live in a Socialist society live in a planned economy.
 Everything is planned. When there is a shortage of ham, there is also a
 shortage of eggs.
%%
People who live in brick houses shouldn't throw glass.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
People who live in gasoline houses shouldn't throw matches.
%%
People who live in glasses houses should've used plexiglass!
%%
People who live in glass houses don't need windows.
%%
People who live in glass houses have a lot of drapes.
%%
People who live in glass houses might as well answer the door.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
People who live in glass houses should bathe in the basement.
%%
People who live in glass houses should get dressed in the basement.
%%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't!
%%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't do much of anything.
%%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't have sex.
%%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.
%%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
%%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones without going outside.
%%
People who live in glass houses should undress in the dark.
%%
People who live in glass houses should use their neighbors bathrooms.
%%
People who live in log houses shouldn't keep beavers.
%%
People who live in normal houses shouldn't throw anti-matter.
%%
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
%%
People who live in wooden houses shouldn't flame.
%%
People who lose their heads are usually the last to miss them.
%%
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either
 one being made.
 -- Sausage Principle
%%
People who pirate are cracked.
%%
People who push both buttons should get their wish.
%%
People who run down others are taking a roundabout way of praising themselves.
%%
People who say nothing is impossible don't have teenagers.
%%
People who say they sleep like a baby, usually don't have one.
 -- Leo J. Burke
%%
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong,
 fortunately.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
People who spout platitudes have attitudes that allow no latitude.
%%
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
%%
People who take issue with control of population do not understand that if it
 is not done in a graceful way, nature will do it in a brutal fashion.
 -- H. Kendall
%%
People who tell white lies soon become color blind.
 -- Marvin J. Ashton
%%
People who throw kisses are mighty hopelessly lazy.
 -- Bob Hope
%%
People who throw trash out car windows are trashy people.
%%
People who use long lines DESERVE to lose.
 -- Rob MacLachlan
%%
People who wait until they feel like doing a job rarely do.
%%
People who wear mirrored sun glasses should seek professional help.
%%
People who will not admit they've been wrong love themselves more
than they love the truth.
%%
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing
 up.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
People who write on shit house walls
Roll their shit into little balls
People who read these words of wit
Eat the little balls of shit.
%%
People who write the most interesting and effective letters never
answer letters. They answer people.
%%
 People will accept your idea much more readily if you
 tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
 -- Comins' Law
%%
People will be happy in about the same degree that they are helpful.
%%
 People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
 -- Lewis' Law
%%
People will do odd things if you give them money.
%%
People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they
did yesterday.
%%
People will forgive most anything, save being incredibly intelligent,
 charming, witty, handsome or having a very deep genuine modesty. These are
 the reasons I don't have all that many friends.
%%
People will go to the most incredible lengths to make fools of themselves.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
People will inevitably associate me with my father, but I would not
have anyone believe that I am trading on the name Edison.  I would
rather have you know me merely as the result of one of my father's
earlier experiments.
 -- Charles Edison (son of the inventor),
 -- During his campaign for governor of New Jersey in 1940
%%
People will laugh at you, but let not that prevent you.
%%
People will listen a great deal more patiently while you explain your
mistakes than when you explain your successes.
 -- Wilbur N. Nesbit
%%
People will not look forward to posterity who never look backward
to their ancestors.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 274
%%
People will persist in joining things.
 -- The Motorcycle Boy
%%
People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.
%%
People will say "Watch your step" to you only after you have taken a
vicious fall.
%%
People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.
 -- Peter Sellers
%%
People wish to be settled: only as far as they are unsettled is there any
hope for them.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Circles"
%%
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
%%
People with no ability to understand sarcasm are an endless source of
amusement.
%%
People with the least expertise have the most opinions.
%%
People working in the private sector should try to save money.
There remains the possibility that it may someday be valuable again.
 -- Augustine's Law Number LII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
People would do nothing if they waited until they could do it so well that
 no one could find fault with what they have done.
%%
People would never fall in love if they had not heard love talked about.
 -- Francois, Duc de La Rouchefoucald
%%
People would rather live with a problem they cannot
solve rather than accept a solution they cannot understand.
 -- Woolsey-Swanson Rule
%%
People would rather watch things than eat.
%%
Peor and Baalim
Forsake their temples dim.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Hymn on Christ's Nativity, Line 197
%%
PEP: Print on Edge of Paper
%%
Pepsi not found - Operator halted.
%%
Pepsi Trek: The Next Gen... (Aack! Phptht!)
%%
Pepsunami: the tidal wave of carbonation that cascades over the edge.
%%
Per ardua ad asbestos --- Damn you Jack, I'm fireproof!
%%
Per buck you get more computing action with the small computer.
 -- R. W. Hamming
%%
:percent-S: /per-sent' es'/ [From the code in C's `printf(3)'
   library function used to insert an arbitrary string argument] n. An
   unspecified person or object.  "I was just talking to some
   percent-s in administration."  Compare {random}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Perchance the army carries corpses in the wagon. Misfortune.
%%
Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,--
  Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
 -- Edgar A. Poe (1809-1849)
 -- The Raven
%%
(Percy, costumed in festive garb, has just left.)
What a clot. The most absurdly dressed creature in Christendom...
(Baldrick enters ; he wears a hat pathetically festooned with bits of
  twig and dead animals)...with _one_ exception.
 -- Edmund : Potato
%%
Percy, the devil farts in my face once more.
 -- Edmund : Beer
%%
Percy...this is a very difficult situation.
...Yes, my lord.
Someone's for the chop. You or me, in fact.
...Yes.
...Let's face facts, Perce. It's you.
 -- Edmund and Percy : Head
%%
(Percy tries to attract Edmund's attention to his comedy breasts)
Aaarrggg...aarrgggg...
Sorry, he's sick. Leprosy. Of the brain...
 -- Percy and Edmund : Beer
%%
Percy...what is that on the front of your tunic?
'Tis a brooch, my lord. A brooch cunningly fashioned out of pure green.
...It looks like you've sneezed.
 -- Edmund and Percy : Money
%%
Perdurabo. [loosely translated, "I will last through"]
%%
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
[May they perish, he said, those who have said our remarks before us.]
 -- Aelius Donatus
%%
PERES de Cuellar meets EEC TROICA.
%%
Perestroika: could it happen here?
 -- Tom Neff
%%
Perestroika is nothing more than refined Stalinism.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle (9/04/88)
                   (from the Book "The Clothes have No Emperor")
%%
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
%%
Perfect happiness, I believe, was never intended by the Diety to be the
lot of one of His creatures in this world; but that He has very much put
in our power the nearness of our approaches to it, is what I have
steadfastly believed.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Perfection (Almost):
The Titanic Disaster

"The Captain may, by simply moving an electric switch,
instantly close the doors and make the vessel practically
unsinkable.
 -- special 1911 edition of Shipbuilder
%%
Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse.
 -- C. N. Parkinson
%%
Perfection is a minor virtue.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Perfectionism is the enemy of creation, as extreme self-solicitude is
the enemy of well-being.
 -- John Updike
%%
Perfection is our goal. Excellence will be tolerated.
 -- TQM Motto from the International Association of Business Communication
%%
Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but
when there is no longer anything to take away.
 -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%%
Perfection is the child of time.
 -- Joseph Hall
%%
Perfectionists do it better.
%%
PERFECTION, n.  An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the
actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.
    The editor of an English magazine having received a letter
pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed
"Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter:  "I don't
agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Perfection: not perfect action in a perfect world, but appropriate
actions in an imperfect one.
 -- R. H. Blyth
%%
Perfect order requires infinite work.
%%
Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
%%
:perfect programmer syndrome: n. Arrogance; the egotistical
   conviction that one is above normal human error.  Most frequently
   found among programmers of some native ability but relatively
   little experience (especially new graduates; their perceptions may
   be distorted by a history of excellent performance at solving {toy
   problem}s).  "Of course my program is correct, there is no need to
   test it."  "Yes, I can see there may be a problem here, but
   *I'll* never type `rm -r /' while in {root mode}."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Perfect valor is to do unwitnessed what we should be capable of doing
before all the world.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Perforation is a rip-off.
%%
Perform a functional iterative analysis on your
work to root out third generation transitional
buzz words.
%%
Performance: A statement of the speed at which a computer system works.
 Or rather, might work under certain circumstances.  Or was rumored to be
 working over in Jersey about a month ago.
%%
Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Performance is easier to add than clarity.
%%
Performance is your reality. Forget everything else.
 -- Harold Geneen
%%
Performance Proven: Will operate through warranty period.
%%
PERFORMANCE PROVEN ......... Works through Beta Test
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Perform random acts of violence and senseless slaughter.
%%
:perf: /perf/ n. Syn. {chad} (sense 1).  The term `perfory'
   /per'f*-ree/ is also heard.  The term {perf} may also refer to
   the perforations themselves, rather than the chad they produce when
   torn.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered.
I myself would say that it had merely been detected.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Perhaps at fourteen every boy should be in love with some ideal woman to
 put on a pedestal and worship.  As he grows up, of course, he will put her
 on a pedestal the better to view her legs.
%%
Perhaps Dundee's wild-warbling measures rise,
Or plaintive Martyrs, worthy of the name.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Cotter's Saturday Night
%%
Perhaps he's just sick of hearing you complain, I know I am.
%%
Perhaps I am flogging a straw herring in mid-stream, but in the light of
 what is known about the ubiquity of security vulnerabilities, it seems vastly
 too dangerous for university folks to run with their heads in the sand.
 -- Peter G. Neumann, RISKS moderator, about the Internet virus
%%
Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be
 noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the
 greatest works of genius ever created by Man.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
    Perhaps I have given you the wrong impression. A wizard's life is not all
fame, fortune and frivolity. There must be periods of rest as well, when a
wizard should find a safe retreat where he can seclude himself from sorcery
and restore his health and vitality in the proper ascetic atmosphere. While
lengthy retreats can deplete a wizard's fortunes, I have always preferred the
ascetic atmosphere present in the pleasure gardens of Vushta, where a dozen
handmaidens can attend to your every need. And the budget-conscious sorcerer
should be sure to ask about their special mid-week retreat package plans.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XCV (Special annual supplement)
%%
Perhaps I should take up golf instead?
%%
Perhaps it is your head that is swimming.
%%
Perhaps it may turn out a sang,
Perhaps turn out a sermon.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Epistle to a Young Friend
%%
Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle, that they burned Rome.
%%
Perhaps it was right to dissemble your love,
But--why did you kick me down stairs?
 -- J. P. Kemble (1757-1823)
 -- The Panel, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Perhaps it would be best if this argument remained a deep mystery to you.
%%
Perhaps myself the first, at some expence of popularity, to unfold
the true character of Jefferson, it is too late for me to become his
apologist.  Nor can I have any disposition to do it.  I admit that
his politics are tinctured with fanaticism, that he is too much in
earnest in his democracy, that he has been a mischevous enemy to the
principle measures of our past administration, that he is crafty &
persevering in his objects, that he is not scrupulous about the means
of success, nor very mindful of truth, and that he is a contemptible
hypocrite.
 -- Alexander Hamilton, Letter to James A. Bayard, January 16, 1801
%%
Perhaps no person can be a poet,
or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.
 -- Thomas Babington Macaulay (1800-1859)
%%
Perhaps one day this too will be pleasant to remember.
%%
Perhaps one of the only positive pieces of advice that I was ever given was
 that supplied by an old courtier who observed: "Only two rules really
 count: never miss an opportunity to relieve yourself; never miss a chance
 to rest your feet."
 -- Duke of Windsor
%%
Perhaps the best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a
 time.
 -- Dean Acheson
%%
Perhaps the best way to characterize the relationship between DNA and meaning
is to say that DNA is the source of meaning.  It takes information about the
environment and turns it into behaviour - thus realizing meaning in the
pragmatic sense of the word.  DNA is the place where the two sides of meaning
meet, the place where reports become instructions.  DNA is thus what first
gave meaning to life; or, perhaps, what first created meaning, and therefore
life, or what first created life, and therefore meaning.  In any event, it is
very impressive stuff.
 -- Robert Wright, Three Scientists and Their Gods
%%
Perhaps the biggest disappointments were the ones you expected anyway.
%%
Perhaps the early grave
Which men weep over may be meant to save.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 12
%%
Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability
to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be
done, whether you like it or not.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
Perhaps the most widespread illusion is that if we were in power we
would behave very differently from those who now hold it -- when, in
truth, in order to get power we would have to become very much like them.
 -- (Lenin's fatal mistake, both in theory and in practice.)
%%
Perhaps the only true dignity of man is his capacity to despise himself.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Perhaps the purpose of categorical algebra is to show
that that which is trivial, is trivially trivial.
%%
    Perhaps the reader may ask, of what consequence is it
whether the author's exact language is preserved or not,
provided we have his thought?  The answer is, that inaccurate
quotation is a sin against truth.  It may appear in any
particular instance to be a trifle, but perfection consists in
small things, and perfection is no trifle.
 -- Robert W. Shaunon
%%
Perhaps the reason the modern liberal so disdains the 2nd amendment, and so
loves the 1st, is that the 2nd protects our right to take action in defense
of liberty, while the 1st protects our right to talk about it.
%%
Perhaps there is no life after death...There's just Los Angeles.
%%
Perhaps there's a residue of humanity in Q after all. Ensign, en-
Don't bet on it Picard.
 -- Picard and Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Perhaps the reward of the spirit who tries is not the goal but the
exercise.
 -- E. V. Cooke
%%
Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom.
The first is being a bore.
 -- Cecil Beaton
%%
Perhaps this disgusting degraded creature is some sort of blessing
  in disguise?
Well, if he is, it's a very _good_ disguise.
 -- George and Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
Perhaps to market themselves to the West, the Soviet Republics (and the rest of
Eastern Europe) should adopt a catchy slogan, like:
     "The USSR:  We're trading Marx for Dollars"
%%
Perhaps we are wiser, less selfish and more far-seeing than we were two
hundred years ago. But we are still imperfectly all these good things,
and since the turn of the century it has been remarked that neither
wisdom nor virtue have increased as rapidly as the need for both.
 -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
Perhaps we could get one of the females to breast-feed you."
 -- Klag, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
Perhaps you and the jerko here could come with us.
%%
Perhaps you are just different.  It's not a sin you know.  Though you may
  have heard otherwise.
 -- Tam Elbrum, "Tin Man,"  stardate 43779.3.
%%
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
%%
Perilous to all of us
are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves possess.
 -- Gandalf the Grey
%%
Periods of tranquility are seldom prolific of creative achievement.
Mankind has to be stirred up.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
PERIPATETIC, adj.  Walking about.  Relating to the philosophy of
Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in
order to avoid his pupil's objections.  A needless precaution -- they
knew no more of the matter than he.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Peripheral:
Now you see it, now you don't...
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Peripheral visionary:  can see into the future, but only way off to the side.
%%
:Perl: /perl/ [Practical Extraction and Report Language, a.k.a
   Pathologically Eclectic Rubbish Lister] n. An interpreted language
   developed by Larry Wall <lwall@jpl.nasa.gov>, author of
   `patch(1)' and `rn(1)') and distributed over USENET.
   Superficially resembles `awk(1)', but is much hairier (see
   {awk}).  UNIX sysadmins, who are almost always incorrigible
   hackers, increasingly consider it one of the {languages of
   choice}.  Perl has been described, in a parody of a famous remark
   about `lex(1)', as the "Swiss-Army chainsaw" of UNIX
   programming.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Permanently rotated 90 degrees from the rest of us.
%%
Permanent Mobile Sabbath--On the Sabbath, it is
forbidden to work, even on your character
%%
Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?
%%
Permit me to introduce myself.  My name's Dracula, Lord of the Undead.
 God, I do love the way that sounds.
 -- "Dinosaurs For Hire"
%%
Pernicious weed! whose scent the fair annoys,
Unfriendly to society's chief joys:
Thy worst effect is banishing for hours
The sex whose presence civilizes ours.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 251
%%
PERORATION, n.  The explosion of an oratorical rocket.  It dazzles,
but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous
peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in
preparing it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Perot:  (A)bort  (Q)uit  (E)nd  (T)erminate...
%%
Perot/Bush/Clinton: The Millionaire, the Skipper & Gilligan
%%
Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Milionaire, Skipper & Gilligan.
%%
Perot's gone...  Can we start over?
%%
Perpetual moderness is the measure of merit in every work of art.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
 -- Plato
%%
Perplexity -  I know f%*k all about it.
 -- The everyday versatility of the "F" word
%%
Perrin: "He is like this...most of the time.  His emotions have taken over."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Perrin: "If you could see Sarek as I do, wasting in bed, whispering to himself.
  He wants to see his son.  He wants to heal any...rift that may still remain.
  Now it may be too late."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Perrin: "Mint tea.  It's been years since I had any.  Vulcans have some kind of
  strange concoction they call 'mint'.  You'd never recognize it."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Perrin: "Sarek, you will listen!"
Sarek: "Go from me!"
Perrin: "Picard is here."
Sarek: "No more chaos!  No more!""
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Perry Mason and the Case of the Abominable Bigfoot
%%
PERSEPHONE (Per-SEH-fun-ee) n: Greek goddess of bills
%%
Perseverance brings good fortune.
No remorse.
The light of the superior man is true.
Good fortune.
%%
Perseverance brings good fortune.
One pushes upward by steps.
%%
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Remorse disappears.
If a man is agitated in mind,
And his thoughts go hither and thither,
Only those friends
On whom he fixes his conscious thoughts
Will follow.
%%
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Remorse disappears.
Shock, thus to discipline the Devil's Country.
For three years, great realms are awarded.
%%
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Remorse disappears.
The hedge opens; there is no entanglement.
Power depends upon the axle of a big cart.
%%
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Remorse vanishes.
Nothing that does not further.
No beginning, but an end.
Before the change, three days.
After the change, three days.
Good fortune.
%%
Perseverance furthers.
To undertake something brings misfortune.
Without decreasing oneself,
One is able to bring increase to others.
%%
Perseverance is more prevailing than violence; and many things which
cannot be overcome when they are together, yield themselves up when
taken little by little.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Sertorius
%%
PERSEVERANCE, n.  A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an
inglorious success.

    "Persevere, persevere!" cry the homilists all,
    Themselves, day and night, persevering to bawl.
    "Remember the fable of tortoise and hare --
    The one at the goal while the other is -- where?"
    Why, back there in Dreamland, renewing his lease
    Of life, all his muscles preserving the peace,
    The goal and the rival forgotten alike,
    And the long fatigue of the needless hike.
    His spirit a-squat in the grass and the dew
    Of the dogless Land beyond the Stew,
    He sleeps, like a saint in a holy place,
    A winner of all that is good in a race.
                                                          Sukker Uffro
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Persevering mediocrity is much more respectable, and unspeakably
more useful than talented inconstancy.
 -- Dr. James Hamilton
%%
Persistence in one opinion has never been considered a merit
in political leaders.
 -- Cicero
%%
Persistently ill, and still does not die.
%%
Persistent prophecy is one of the more familiar ways of assuring the event.
%%
Persist: the greatest effort's not enough.
%%
Personal ad:
 Compulsive liar seeks beautiful woman to share my million dollar chateau on
 the French Riviera. Flatbush Max, Box 12.
%%
Personal ad in local paper:  David G. Contact me soon!  Bring three rings:
 Engagement, wedding and teething.  Have news.  Debbie.
%%
Personal ad:
 Slim white male, 35, seeks attractive white female, 27. Must have tatoo
 (dogs, butterflies, okay; no rainbows, gnomes or battle scenes). Must own
 late model foreign car with radial tires (and snows). Should be well tanned,
 blue eyed, blonde, (sunny yellow, not platinum or dishwater), and have own
 luggage. Must be T'ai Chi expert and familiar with multiple bodyrub
 techniques. Must have own chili recipie (no celery). Must bathe, not shower.
 Must have working command of Latin (hear it, speak it, order and hail cabs
 in it). Must have own flesh-pulley equipment and collection of travelogues,
 intermission reels, and wrestling magazines (circa 1950-54, good to mint
 condition, bagged for clean and easy storage). Must possess own lifelike
 false face and iron-on refrigerator decals. Can be pensive but not moody.
 Must dig roller opera. Must possess lots (I mean it) of ketchup.
%%
Personal bar code: Gimme a Brew.
%%
Personal Best: Marco DeStinction
%%
PERSONAL COMPUTING ... A Terminal Disease.
%%
Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open...
 -- E.G. Leterman
%%
Personality Tithe:
 A price paid for becoming a couple; previously amusing human
beings become boring: "Thanks for inviting us, but Noreen and I are
going to look at flatware catalogs tonight. Afterward we're going to
watch the shopping channel."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Personally, I always held my flower in a clenched fist.
 -- Abbie Hoffman
%%
Personally I am always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Personally, I don't care if the whole planet turns into a
mushroom. I shall stay because I don't like an unsolved
mystery...
 -- Avon
%%
Personally, I'm getting a little BLUE around the GILLs.
%%
 Personally I rather look forward to a computer program winning the
    world [chess] championship. Humanity needs a lesson in humility.
 -- Richard Dawkings:
 -- The Selfish Gene
%%
Personally, I should like to see all Boy Scouts drilled.
I look upon the Movement as a further savings of the situation
for the nation in the future, and that it will pave the way
directly for its national service.
 -- Lord Baden-Powell letter to Lord Meath (1910)
%%
"Personally, I was shocked to discover our plastic surgeon was
an alcoholic."
"Yes, he raised quite a few eyebrows."
 -- The Cowboy Wally Show
%%
Personally, should I ever form a globe spanning comglomerate,
I intend to do it fairly and without malice or dirty politics.
I hope you fellows don't make that too difficult a task;
I would have to have to have you all killed.
 -- David Neal (abbadon@nuchat.uucp)
%%
Personal OS/2: Winner of Best of Comdex/Windows World '94
%%
Personal protein spill -- vomiting.
%%
Personal Tabu:
 A small rule for living, bordering on a superstition, that
allows one to cope with everyday life in the absence of cultural or
religious dictums.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Personifiers unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity.
%%
:person of no account: [University of California at Santa Cruz] n.
   Used when referring to a person with no {network address}, frequently
   to forestall confusion.  Most often as part of an introduction:
   "This is Bill, a person of no account, but he used to be
   bill@random.com".  Compare {return from the dead}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be
prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished;
persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.  By Order of the
Author
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Tom Sawyer
%%
Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and
employ faulty reasoning.
 -- Murphy's Fourteenth Law
%%
Persons who would be placed outside the pale of society with contempt
are not those who would be placed there by another culture.
 -- Ruth Benedict
%%
Persuasion rules OK - just this once?
%%
Persuasive speech, and more persuasive sighs,
Silence that spoke, and eloquence of eyes.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xiv, Line 251
%%
PertweeDos 3.0: (A)bort (R)etry (V)enusian karate
%%
Perversity is the spice of life.
%%
Perverted Hackers do it with POPs.
%%
"Perverted Mushrooms" by M. Morel
%%
Perverts the Prophets and purloins the Psalms.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, Line 326
%%
Pervish cooking -- true culinary delight.
%%
:pessimal: /pes'im-l/ [Latin-based antonym for `optimal'] adj.
   Maximally bad.  "This is a pessimal situation."  Also `pessimize'
   vt. To make as bad as possible.  These words are the obvious
   Latin-based antonyms for `optimal' and `optimize', but for some
   reason they do not appear in most English dictionaries, although
   `pessimize' is listed in the OED.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve give to wisdom.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
PESSIMISM, n.  A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the
observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his
scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pessimism wouldn't work *any*way...
%%
PESSIMIST:
    A man who spends all his time worrying
        about how he can keep the wolf from the door.
OPTIMIST:
      A man who refuses to see the wolf
     until he seizes the seat of his pants.
OPPORTUNIST:
  A man who invites the wolf in and appears the next day in a fur coat.
%%
Pessimist: An optimist with experience...
%%
Pessimist: A person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
PESSIMIST     -- man who looks for a pink slip before the money in
his pay envelope.
%%
Pessimist:  One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Pessimists can't do it.
%%
Pessimists do it like there is no tomorrow.
%%
Pessimists do it with a sigh.
%%
Pessimists have already begun to worry about what is going to replace
 automation.
 -- John Tudor
%%
Pessimist: Someone who can look at the land of milk and honey and see only
calories and cholesterol.
%%
:pessimizing compiler: /pes'*-mi:z`ing k*m-pi:l'r/ [antonym of
   `optimizing compiler'] n. A compiler that produces object code that
   is worse than the straightforward or obvious hand translation.  The
   implication is that the compiler is actually trying to optimize the
   program, but through excessive cleverness is doing the opposite.  A
   few pessimizing compilers have been written on purpose, however, as
   pranks or burlesques.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PETA: People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.
%%
Pete is feeling fairly sure of himself, and believes he will beat the
 gambling allegations. In fact, he is giving 3 to 1 odds.
%%
PETER Bread.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Peter Norton is the "Betty Crocker" of software!
%%
Peter Norton saved my Momma and Data.............
%%
Pete Rose & George Steinbrenner, what a combo.
%%
Pete Rose is not obsessed with Gambling. Just ask his daughters, Quinella
 and Exacta.
%%
Peter Pan:  A washbasin in a house of ill repute...
%%
Peter Pan......what you put under your bed at night.
%%
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
%%
Petersen: Have you seen Rimmer's arm?
Chen:     No, I'm waiting for it to come out in paperback!
 -- Red Dwarf 'The End'
%%
Peters hungry, time to eat lunch.
%%
Peterson, get me Forbin!
%%
Peter: ... what did you take?
    A: I was in history.
Peter: Why did you stop?
    A: I found history to be a waste of time.
%%
Petition me no petitions, sir, to-day;
Let other hours be set apart for business.
To-day it is our pleasure to be drunk;
And this our queen shall be as drunk as we.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
%%
Pets are it!
%%
Pets are like little children and should not be subjected to similar
(though unintentional) abuse.
%%
Pets are not just for Christmas, but for a LIFETIME!!!!
%%
Pets aren't dangerous; just don't let them carry guns.
%%
Pets are the soul of the household
%%
:PETSCII: /pet'skee/ [abbreviation of PET ASCII] n. The variation
   (many would say perversion) of the {{ASCII}} character set used by
   the Commodore Business Machines PET series of personal computers
   and the later Commodore C64, C16, and C128 machines.  The PETSCII
   set used left-arrow and up-arrow (as in old-style ASCII) instead of
   underscore and caret, placed the unshifted alphabet at positions
   65--90, put the shifted alphabet at positions 193--218, and added
   graphics characters.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pets: pure love contained in soft packages.
%%
Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea."
%%
Pets & Vets = Hairy.  Grab the adhesive tape!
%%
Petting:  A study in anatomy in braille...
%%
PETTY CASH...What Tom Petty Carries In His Wallet
%%
Petty crime is the scourge of business today.
 -- D. Lorean
%%
PFD: Punt on Fourth Down
%%
PFE: Print Floating Eye
%%
PFLT    Prove Fermat's Last Theorem.
%%
PFML: Print Four Million Lines
%%
PFM: Pray For Miracle
%%
"Pfui.  More people saying what they believe would be a
 great improvement.  Because I do I am unfit for common
 intercourse"
 -- Nero Wolfe, "Blood Will Tell"
%%
PG = Boy gets girl, R = Villian gets girl, X = Everybody gets girl
%%
< PGP and MIME spoken here >
%%
PGP Key Available Upon Request.
%%
PG: Print Garbage
%%
:phage: n. A program that modifies other programs or databases in
   unauthorized ways; esp. one that propagates a {virus} or
   {Trojan horse}.  See also {worm}, {mockingbird}.  The
   analogy, of course, is with phage viruses in biology.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
    Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw.  Moses led
them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients.  Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the
ten commandments.  David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.  He
fougth with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
Pharmacists in Trout Creek, Utah, may not sell gunpowder as a headache
remedy.
%%
Pharmacologists do it by prescription.
%%
PHARMACOLOGISTS do it via the oral route
%%
Pharmacologists do it with affinity.
%%
Pharmacology:  The use of rabbits and dogs as guinea pigs.  (See also
   CLINICAL TESTING, TOXICOLOGY).
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Phartengnugen: passing gas in a Volkswagen.
%%
:phase: 1. n. The offset of one's waking-sleeping schedule with
   respect to the standard 24-hour cycle; a useful concept among
   people who often work at night and/or according to no fixed
   schedule.  It is not uncommon to change one's phase by as much as 6
   hours per day on a regular basis.  "What's your phase?"  "I've
   been getting in about 8 P.M. lately, but I'm going to {wrap
   around} to the day schedule by Friday."  A person who is roughly
   12 hours out of phase is sometimes said to be in `night mode'.
   (The term `day mode' is also (but less frequently) used, meaning
   you're working 9 to 5 (or, more likely, 10 to 6).)  The act of
   altering one's cycle is called `changing phase'; `phase
   shifting' has also been recently reported from Caltech.
   2. `change phase the hard way': To stay awake for a very long
   time in order to get into a different phase.  3. `change phase
   the easy way': To stay asleep, etc.  However, some claim that
   either staying awake longer or sleeping longer is easy, and that it
   is *shortening* your day or night that is really hard (see
   {wrap around}).  The `jet lag' that afflicts travelers who
   cross many time-zone boundaries may be attributed to two distinct
   causes: the strain of travel per se, and the strain of changing
   phase.  Hackers who suddenly find that they must change phase
   drastically in a short period of time, particularly the hard way,
   experience something very like jet lag without traveling.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Phase jitter - nervous reaction to the full moon
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Phasers don't kill people...Unless you set them too high.
%%
Phasers locked on target, Captain.
%%
Phasers on stun!
%%
:phase-wrapping: [MIT] n. Syn. {wrap around}, sense 2.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ph.D:
 A user with more sense than money. Ph.D's generally have elegant
 solutions to problems that don's exist. The (top-down, of course)
 solutions always work because they have never been programmed. (Stands
 for piled high and deep, as in B.S., M.S., Ph.D = bull s..t,
 more s..t, etc. ed.)
%%
Ph.D.: Piled Higher & Deeper.
%%
PHD - Plow Heads into Disk
%%
Ph.D.: Post Hole Digger.
%%
Pheasants do it under glass.
%%
Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to
 exciting Camden, New Jersy.
%%
Philadelphia Pa... We Bomb our Citizens
%%
Philadelphia was a gay, lighthearted town. Anyone found smiling after
 the curfew rang was liable to be arrested. If a woman dropped her glove on
 a street, she might be hauled before a judge for stripteasing. The city had
 so many reformers, they tried reforming each other ... Undertaking in
 Philadelphia--a mortician can hardly tell if he's burying a dead person or
 a live one.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
PHILANTHROPIST, n.  A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has
trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the
the philanthropist to over-look the circumstances of
economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr., "Strength to Love", 1963
%%
"Philately can be a very rewarding pastime if you give it a chance.
 Stamps are beautiful.     They're a good investment.  And they can't kill
 you like a gun!"
 -- Simon, "Hole in the Head Gang", Eerie Indiana
%%
Philip being arbitrator betwixt two wicked persons, he commanded one
to fly out of Macedonia and the other to pursue him.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Philip
%%
Philip R. Sharp, Congressman, (Ind.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Philistine must have originally meant, in the mind of those who invented
the nickname, a strong, dogged, unenlightened opponent of the children
of the light.
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
 -- Essays in Criticism, Heinrich Heine
%%
PHILISTINE, n.  One whose mind is the creature of its environment,
following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment.  He is
sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always
solemn.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Phillistines demand David be tested for steroids.
%%
Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
%%
Philologists, who chase
A panting syllable through time and space,
Start it at home, and hunt it in the dark
To Gaul, to Greece, and into Noah's ark.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Retirement, Line 691
%%
Phil, on Murphy Brown, philosophizing about having children:
"Teenagers--God's punishment for enjoying sex."
%%
Philosophers do it for pure reasons.
%%
Philosophers do it in their minds.
%%
PHILOSOPHERS do it with their minds
%%
Philosophers go deep.
%%
Philosophers think about doing it.
%%
Philosophers think they do it.
%%
Philosophers who make the general claim that a rule simply 'reduces to' its
formulations are using Occam's razor to cut the throat of common sense.
 -- R. Harris
%%
Philosophers wonder why they did it.
%%
Philosophical error- Demonstrate the existence of a key to continue.
%%
Philosophical habits of mind do not come quicker through fiber optics.
Clear thinking is not aided by better dot resolution. Understanding
ourselves and feeling for others does not come with a software upgrade.
 -- Linda Ray Pratt, Academe, Nov,Dec 1994
%%
Philosophic enjoyment = mutual misunderstanding.
%%
Philosophic kings have no need of titles.
 -- Parmen the Platonian, "Plato's Stepchildren," stardate 5784.3.
%%
Philosophising is difficult, but not philosophing is more difficult still.
 -- Eberhard Rogge
%%
 Philosophy and the subjects known as 'humanities' are still taught
    almost as if Darwin had never lived. No doubt this will change in
   time.
 -- Richard Dawkings:
 -- The Selfish Gene
%%
Philosophy has the task and the opportunity of helping banish the
concept that human destiny here and now is of slight importance in
comparison with some supernatural destiny.
 -- John Dewey
%%
Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence
by means of language.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%%
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
 Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
%%
Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks.
%%
Philosophy is nothing but discretion.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Philosophy
%%
Philosophy is the discipline where you kick up a lot of dust and then
complain you can't see.
 -- Leibniz
%%
Philosophy is the highest music.
 -- Plato
%%
Philosophy is the root of all things.
%%
PHILOSOPHY, n.  A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Philosophy removes from religion all reason for existing. As the science
of the spirit, it looks upon religion as a phenomenon, a transitory
historical fact, a psychic condition that can be surpassed.
 -- Benedetto Croce
%%
 PHILOSOPHY:  Sketch the development of human thought;
 estimate its significance.  Compare with the development
 of any other kind of thought.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
PHILOSOPHY:
   The ability to bear with calmness the misfortunes of our friends.
%%
Philosophy!  The lumber of the schools.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Philosophy- the purple bullfinch in the lilac tree.
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Philosophy triumphs easily over past evils and future evils; but present
evils triumph over it.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 22
%%
Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
 -- Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918)
%%
Philosophy, when superficially studied, excites doubt; when thoroughly
explored, it dispels it.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Or so I'm told.
%%
Phobaphobia (n.): The fear of fear itself.
%%
Phocion compared the speeches of Leosthenes to cypress-trees. "They
are tall," said he, "and comely, but bear no fruit."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Phocion
%%
Phoenix, Arizona: an oasis of ugliness in the midst of a beautiful wasteland.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
PHOENIX, n.  The classical prototype of the modern "small hot bird."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PHOENIX
  This shouldn't be in here. It just sounds like it starts with an F.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Phone call for cbh.
%%
Phoneco.sys corrupted - recommend competitive market
%%
Phone Sex isn't good enough for me!
%%
Phone sex? Nah. Ma Bell is a little past Playmate age.
%%
Phone Solicitor: Telemarketing Agent
Embalmer: Mortuary Science Graduate
Road Grader Man: Heavy Equipment Engineer
Laundry Lady: Linen Coordinator
Janitor: Building Maintainence Supervisor
Librarian: Learning Resource Coordinating Supervisor
Crash Dummy: Anthropomorphic Test Simulator Device
File Clerk: Information Retrival Administrator
Death: Failure of Hospital Patient to Fulfill Wellness Potential
Judge: Justice Administration Adjudicator
Phone Solicitor: Telemarketing Administrator
Tax Collector:   Scum Bucket
%%
Phone your Moderator at 3 A.M. and learn new words!
%%
Phone your Moderator at 3 A.M. for free taglines...!!!!
%%
PHONOGRAPH, n.  An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PHO: Pull Hair Out
%%
PHOTOFLASH TACHYONS:  The elementary particle responsible for
synchronizing a subject's blink with the flash of the camera.
%%
Photographers are better developed.
%%
Photographers are great in dark rooms.
%%
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it at 68 degrees or not at all
%%
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it in a flash.
%%
Photographers do it in dark rooms.
%%
Photographers do it while exposing.
%%
Photographers do it with a flash.
%%
Photographers do it with a shutter.
%%
Photographers do it with a zoom.
%%
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with "Enlargers"
%%
Photographers fade faster than photographs.
%%
Photographic memory:  pictures of 4MB SIMMS.
%%
PHOTOGRAPH, n.  A picture painted by the sun without instruction in
art.  It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite
so good as that of a Cheyenne.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
%%
Photon torpedos armed and ready, Captain.
%%
Photosynthesis
the pollen sits calculating the brightness of the moon.
%%
PHOTOTHERAPISTS do it with the lights on.
%%
PHP: Put Hackers into Privileged mode
%%
Phrase suggested for increasing feminine fervour:
 "You are an A.I. tumble-bun."
%%
:phreaking: /freek'ing/ [from `phone phreak'] n. 1. The art and
   science of cracking the phone network (so as, for example, to make
   free long-distance calls).  2. By extension, security-cracking in
   any other context (especially, but not exclusively, on
   communications networks) (see {cracking}).

   At one time phreaking was a semi-respectable activity among
   hackers; there was a gentleman's agreement that phreaking as an
   intellectual game and a form of exploration was OK, but serious
   theft of services was taboo.  There was significant crossover
   between the hacker community and the hard-core phone phreaks who
   ran semi-underground networks of their own through such media as
   the legendary "TAP Newsletter".  This ethos began to break
   down in the mid-1980s as wider dissemination of the techniques put
   them in the hands of less responsible phreaks.  Around the same
   time, changes in the phone network made old-style technical
   ingenuity less effective as a way of hacking it, so phreaking came
   to depend more on overtly criminal acts such as stealing phone-card
   numbers.  The crimes and punishments of gangs like the `414 group'
   turned that game very ugly.  A few old-time hackers still phreak
   casually just to keep their hand in, but most these days have
   hardly even heard of `blue boxes' or any of the other
   paraphernalia of the great phreaks of yore.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PHRENOLOGY, n.  The science of picking the pocket through the scalp.
It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe
with.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Phyllis Coates holiday ham with beer glaze.
%%
:Physical Activity and Sports:
Many (perhaps even most) hackers don't follow or do sports at all and
are determinedly anti-physical.  Among those who do, interest in
spectator sports is low to non-existent; sports are something one
*does*, not something one watches on TV.

Further, hackers avoid most team sports like the plague (volleyball is a
notable exception, perhaps because it's non-contact and relatively
friendly).  Hacker sports are almost always primarily self-competitive
ones involving concentration, stamina, and micromotor skills: martial
arts, bicycling, auto racing, kite flying, hiking, rock climbing,
aviation, target-shooting, sailing, caving, juggling, skiing, skating
(ice and roller).  Hackers' delight in techno-toys also tends to draw
them towards hobbies with nifty complicated equipment that they can
tinker with.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Physical Chemistry: The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in
   the universe.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Physical concepts are free creations of the human mind, and are
not, however it may seem, uniquely determined by the external world.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Physical examination revealed a garrulous, obese woman who was short of
breath on motion but not on talking.
%%
Physical fitness is in. I recently had a physical fit myself.
 -- Steve Allen
%%
Physical laws simply cannot be ignored.  Existence cannot be without them.
 -- Spock, "Spectre of the Gun," stardate 4385.3.
%%
Physical love, forbidden as it was twenty or thirty years ago, has now
 become boringly obligatory.
%%
Physical reality is consistent with universal laws.
%%
Physical reality is consistent with universal laws.  Where the laws do
  not operate, there is no reality -- we judge reality by the responses
  of our senses.  Once we are convinced of the reality of a given
  situation, we abide by its rules.
 -- Spock, "Spectre of the Gun," stardate 4385.3.
%%
Physician, heal thy jokes
 -- Linda Penington
%%
Physician, heal thyself.
 -- Luke 4:23
%%
PHYSICIAN, n.  One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs
when well.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Physicians heal, nature makes well.
%%
Physicians, of all men, are most happy: whatever good success they
have, the world proclaimeth and what faults they commit, the earth
covereth.
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644) Hieroglyphics of the Life of Man
%%
Physicists define stress as force per unit area.  The rest of humanity
defines stress as physics.
%%
Physicists do it a quantum at a time.
%%
PHYSICISTS do it at the Speed of Light.
%%
Physicists do it attractively.
%%
Physicists do it at two places in the universe at one time.
%%
Physicists do it energetically.
%%
Physicists do it in black holes.
%%
Physicists do it in waves.
%%
Physicists do it like Einstein.
%%
Physicists do it magnetically.
%%
Physicists do it on accelerated frames.
%%
Physicists do it particularly.
%%
Physicists do it repulsively.
%%
Physicists do it ultra-relativistically.
%%
Physicists do it up and down, with charming color, but strange!
%%
Physicists do it with black bodies.
%%
Physicists do it with Charm.
%%
Physicists do it with high energy particles.
%%
Physicists do it with large expensive machinery.
%%
Physicists do it with rigid bodies.
%%
Physicists do it with strangeness.
%%
Physicists do it with Tensors.
%%
Physicists do it with the help of an absolute Bohr (ouch!).
%%
Physicists do it with their vectors.
%%
Physicists do it with uniform harmonic motion.
%%
Physicists get a big bang.
%%
Physicists get hadrons.
%%
    Physicists like to think that all you have to do is say,
these are the conditions, now what happens next?
 -- Richard P. Feynman
%%
Physics and Law Enforcement -- if it weren't for those two, I'd be unstoppable.
%%
 PHYSICS:  Explain the nature of matter.  Include in your answer
 an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics
 on science.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Physics is not a religion.  If it were, we'd have a much easier time
raising money.
 -- Leon Lederman
%%
Physics is not difficult, it is just weird.
 -- Vincent Icke 'The Force of Symmetry' (1994)
%%
Physics majors do it at the speed of light.
%%
Physics: reverse-engineering the universe.
%%
PHYSIOGNOMY, n.  The art of determining the character of another by
the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which
is the standard of excellence.

    "There is no art," says Shakespeare, foolish man,
        "To read the mind's construction in the face."
    The physiognomists his portrait scan,
        And say:  "How little wisdom here we trace!
    He knew his face disclosed his mind and heart,
    So, in his own defence, denied our art."
                                                         Lavatar Shunk
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pi = 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592
%%
PIANO, n.  A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor.  It
is operated by pressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the
audience.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Piano Players do it with Correct Fingerings
%%
Piano players have faster fingers
%%
Piano students learn on their teachers' instruments.
%%
PIANO TUNERS do it twice a year.
%%
PIBM: Pretend to be an IBM
%%
Picard: "A defection?"
Brackett: "If it is, the damage to Federation security would be immeasurable."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "A lot of questions, Number One.  Damned few answers."
Riker: "Perhaps none of it was real at all, sir."
Picard: "Hmm, maybe.  Well...they say that if you travel far enough you will
  eventually meet yourself.  Having experienced that, Number One...it's not
  something I would care to repeat."
 -- "Time Squared", Stardate 42679.2.
%%
Picard: "Amanda, uh, allow me to introduce, uh, Q, uh, he's, um, he's an
  aquaintance of ours.  We've, uh, we've known him...for years."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard: "Ambassador, with great respect for all that you have achieved
on behalf
  of the Federation, this sort of...cowboy diplomacy, will not easily be
  tolerated anymore."
Spock: "'Cowboy diplomacy'."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "Ambassador, your logic escapes me.  If I didn't know better,
I would  say that your judgement is influenced by your emotions."
Spock: "You speak as if my father would if he were here, Picard."
Picard: "I speak as a Starfleet officer.  And I cannot ignore the
risks to you."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "And I would appreciate an explantion."
Barclay: "I think I can help you with that, Captain."
Riker: "Mister Barclay!  I thought it would be fatal if you left the Holodeck."
Barclay: "The Cytherians have reintegrated me, sir."
Cytherian: "'Cytherians', mmm-hmm."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "And lower main shields."
Riker: "Lower the shields...why, sir?"
Picard: "In case we decide to surrender to them, Number One."
 -- "The Outrageous Okana", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "And Miss Rogers..."
Rogers: "Yes?"
Picard: "You've won yourself a rare opportunity.  Avail yourself of it."
Rogers: "I will, sir.  And thank you."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard: "Anything from Gowron?"
Riker: "No, sir, but if when you're done with your tailor, you join me in the
  cargo bay.  Mister LaForge has made some progress with the metal fragments."
Beverly: "These two still have an appointment with Mister Mott to have their
  hairpieces designed."
Picard: "Twenty minutes, Number One."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Picard: "Are you responsible for this incident in Engineering?"
Q: "Of course!  I needed to find out if what I suspected about the girl were
  true."
Picard: "That being..."
Q: "That she's Q."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard: "Au revoir, Natasha."
 -- "Skin Of Evil", Stardate 41601.3.
%%
Picard: "Benjamin Maxwell *earned* the loyalty of those who served with him.
  You know in war, he was twice honored with the Federation's highest citation
  for courage and valor.  And if he could not find a role for himself in peace,
  we can pity him, but we shall not dismiss him."
Macet: "You are welcome to your opinion, Captain.  I, for one, am grateful that
  he is under lock and key."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Picard Burger: No sesame seeds on the bun.
%%
Picard: "But I can't also ignore that we greatly outclassed the *one* enemy
  vessel we encountered.  And every single possible shred of information which
  might shed some light on this situation has been conveniently eliminated!  I
  feel...as though I have been handed a weapon, sent into a room, and told to
  shoot a stranger.  Well I need some moral context to jusify that action."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "But I wonder if this movement is strong enough to reshape the entire
  Romulan political landscape."
Spock: "One can begin to reshape the landscape with a single flower, Captain."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "But you believe that he might have gone there to see Pardek."
Sarek: "The Romulan senator?  How do you know Pardek?"
Picard: "I've heard of him."
Sarek: "That's what he's done!  He's gone to see Pardek."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "But your fight with Sarek is over, Spock.  You have none
with me." Spock: "I always had a different vision than my father.
 The ability to see  *beyond* pure logic.  He considered it weak.
 But I have discovered it to be a  source of extraordinary strength.
 Sarek would've seen this mission of  reunification as a fool's errand.
 Somehow I think it is not."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Picard: "Cancel auto-destruct."
Computer: "Does the first officer agree?"
Riker: "Affirmative."
Computer: "Auto-destruct cancelled."
 -- "11001001", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 43539.1.  We have moved into orbit
around  Bre'el IV.  With the assistance of the planet's Emergency
Control Center,  we're investigating a catastrophic threat to the
population, from a descending  asteroidal moon."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 43685.2.  As part of an exchange program, we
  are taking aboard a Klingon occupant to return the recent visit of Commander
  Riker to the cruiser Pagh."
 -- "Sins Of The Father", Stardate 43685.2
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 44429.6.  We're on a mapping survey near the
  Cardassian sector.  It has been nearly a year since peace treaty ended the
  long conflict between the Federation and Cardassia."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 44431.7.  We have estabished communication
with
  Captain Maxwell and he has agreed to come on board."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 44704.2.  We have arrived at the
Argus Array, a
  remote subspace telescope at the very edge of Federation space.  The unmanned
  structure mysteriously stopped relaying its data nearly two months ago."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 44705.3.  The Enterprise has destroyed the
  alien probe, but now we are left with the difficult task of repairing the
  Argus Telescope.  Failure to do so would represent an incalculable scientific
  loss."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 44721.9.  After ten days in the company of the
  Cytherians, the Enterprise has been safely returned to Federation space.  We
  bring back knowledge of their race that will take our scholars decades to
  examine.  Lieutenant Barclay is apparently no worse for his experience."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44721.9
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 45236.4  As I study the intelligence
reports  and Ambassador Spock's disappearance, I cannot help but feel
a *deeper*, more  personal concern about his mission.  For I know
this man, through his father.  It was barely a year ago that I shared
a mind meld with the Vulcan Sarek.  Now  we must meet again, as I
attempt to find an explanation for his son's  actions."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 45240.1.  To cross the Neutral Zone, I will
  require a cloaked ship.  To that end, I have set a course for the Klingon
  homeworld.  After all we did for Gowron during the recent war, I'm certain he
  would be happy to return the favor."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 45397.3.  Two days ago, Starbase 514 lost
  contact with the Research Vessel Vico, which was sent to explore the interior
  of the Black Cluster.  We are en route to investigate."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 45429.3.  While on a mapping survey, we are
  conveying a delegation of Ullian to Caldra IV.  These telepathic historians
  conduct their research by retrieving long forgotten memories."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 45430.9.  Counselor Troi has fallen
into a deep
  coma.  After thorough examination, Doctor Crusher has been unable to find
  signs of illness or infection."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45430.9
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 45433.2.  We have set a course for Starbase
  440, where the Ullians will disembark and return home."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45433.2
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 45435.8.  Doctor Crusher, Commander Riker
  regained consciousness while we were en route to the Ullian homeworld.  The
  slow process of their recovery has begun."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45435.8
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 45494.2.  We're investigating a series of
  subspace signals that may indicate intelligent life in the Epsilon Solar
  system.  We are within sensor range."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 46125.3  Starfleet has dispatched two science
  vessels to study the Dyson sphere, while we proceed to Starbase 55."
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 46192.3.  We have arrived at Starbase 112 with
  the loading-relief supplies destined for Tagra IV, an ecologically-devastated
  planet in the Argoles Cluster.  We have also taken on a rather unusual
  passenger."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  An intense energy surge from
the alien  probe has severely disabled the shuttle's onboard computer.
 The Away Team has  been transported directly to Sickbay, where Lieutenant
Barclay remains under  observation."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  A thorough search of the Vico has
  revealed no additional survivors.  We have begun the process of counseling
  the boy with regard to the tragedy."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  A young boy, shielded from
our initial  sensor scans, has been discovered pinned beneath a fallen
beam.  The degree of  damage to the Vico is making our rescue attempt
difficult."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  Captain Maxwell has turned his ship over
  to his first officer and transported aboard the Enterprise.  I have confined
  him to quarters for the return voyage."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  We are no closer to finding
a solution to
  the deteriorating orbit of the Bre'el IV moon.  But with the arrival of Q, we
  now have a good idea of the cause."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  We are on a course to Starbase 301.
  Doctor Crusher has been working steadily, and has restored the memories of
  most of the crew."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  We have entered Cardassian territory and
  are proceeding on our quest to locate the Phoenix."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  We have sustained light damage from an
  attack by an alien species known as the Calamarian.  They apparently have a
  grievance with Q, no doubt one of many lifeforms that do."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "Captain's Log, Supplemental.  With the Phoenix in close formation, we
  are proceeding directly to Starbase 211."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Picard: "Commander, have you been able to determine the cause of the warp
  breach?"
LaForge: "No, sir.  Everything was normal, and then, suddenly, it's like the
  laws of physics went right out the window."
Q: [Flash]  "And why shouldn't they?  They're so inconvenient."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard: "Commander...MacDuff, have the other officers listed here report to the
  Bridge."
MacDuff: "Aye, sir."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Computer, respond."
Barclay: "I *am* responding, sir.  I'm sorry if I caused you any alarm.  It was
  necessary in order to secure the array."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "Constitution class." Scott: "Aye.  You're familiar with them?"
Picard: "There's one in the Fleet Museum, but...but then, of course,
this is  *your* Enterprise." Scott: "I actually served on two.  This
was the first.  She was also the first  ship I ever served on as Chief
Engineer.  You know, I served aboard eleven  ships...freighters, cruisers,
starships...but this is the only one I think of.  The only one I miss."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "Data, I would like you to make Timothy the best android he
can possibly
  be."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Picard: "Data, you're moving about in a very...well, *android* way."
Data: "I am sorry, Captain.  I will be more careful."
Picard: "Don't call me 'captain'."
Data: "I understand, sir."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Picard: "Didn't any of you ever play with ships in bottles when you were boys?"
Worf: "I did not play with toys."
Data: "I was never a boy."
 -- "Booby Trap", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "Disconnect Mister Barclay from the computer."
Worf: "Aye, Captain."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "Doctor, is it absolutely necessary to see the medical files to attempt
  treatment?"
Beverly: "It would be *dangerous* to do without them."
Riker: "It's a risk I think we have to take."
MacDuff: "He's right, Captain.  I volunteer for the procedure."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Doctor, the success of this mission would be much more *likely* if we
  could get our memories back."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Do you have any idea why he may have disappeared like this?"
Perrin: "Captain, as far as I'm concerned, he disappeared a *long* time ago."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "Do you know what business they might have together?"
Sarek: "No!  No, I never knew what Spock was doing.  When he was a boy he would
  disappear for days into the mountains.  I would ask him where he had gone,
  what he had gone, he refused to tell me.  I *insisted* that he tell me.  He
  would not.  I forbade him to go, he ignored me.  I punished him, he endured
  it.  Silently, but always he would turn to the mountains when night arrived."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard drinks - 2 drinks!
%%
Picard drinks tea - 3 drinks!
%%
Picard: "Earth was once a violent planet too.  At times, the chaos threatened
  the very fabric of life, but like you, we evolved.  We found other ways to
  handle our conflict.  But I think no one can deny that the seed...of violence
  ...remains within each of us.  We must recognize that...because that violence
  is capable of consuming each of us...as it consumed your son."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45435.8
%%
Picard: Elvis? Who's that?
%%
Picard: "Fine, you want to be treated as human?"
Q: "Absolutely."
Picard: "All right.  Mister Worf, throw him in the Brig."
Worf: "Delighted, Captain."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "For what it's worth, I understand your bitterness."
Worf: "With respect, sir, you cannot."
 -- "The Enemy", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "Gul Macet, the Federation and the Cardassians have struggled too hard
  for peace...to abandon it so easily."
Macet: "*We* are not the ones who have abandoned it, captain."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "Gul Macet, you see we are doing everything in our power to reach the
  Phoenix."
Macet: "Yes, and accomplishing nothing, I'm sorry to say."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "Has Mister Barclay done anything that could be considered...potentially
  threatening?"
Troi: "Well, he did make a pass at me last night...a good one!"
LaForge: "I'd hardly consider that a threat."
Troi: "No, but it's certainly unusual behavior for Barclay."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "'He was a man...take him for all in all...we shall not look upon his
  like again.'"
 -- "The Most Toys", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "How're you feeling?" Scott: "I don't know.  How am I feeling?"
Beverly: "Other than a few bumps and bruises, I'd say you feel fine
for a man of  a hundred and forty-seven." Scott: "And I don't feel
a day over a hundred and twenty."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "Human or not, I want no part of you."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "I also have the responsibility of being the bearer of unhappy news."
Spock: "Sarek.  Sarek is dead."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "I'd been sent to make preliminary overtures for a truce.  And I had
  lowered my shields as a gesture of goodwill.  The Cardassians were not
  impressed.  They had taken out most of my weapons and damaged the impulse
  engines before I could regroup and run."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard identifies the tea as Earl Grey - 4 drinks!
%%
Picard: "I do not fire on defenseless people."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "I don't think we can stay here too long."
Data: "We may not have to.  Direct your view to the far corner, sir."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Picard: "I don't trust you, Q.  Why should I expect Amanda to?"
Q: "Well, she'd better, because I'm all she's got.  She needs me to help her
  prepare for her future with the Q."
Picard: "But what if she doesn't want that future?  It must be her decision!"
Q: "Oh, *yes*, *yes*, *yes*!"
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard: "I find myself having grave concerns about our mission." MacDuff:
"'Concerns' as, as to its success?" Picard: "No, no, no, more fundamental
doubts.  Whether or not it can be  *justified*." MacDuff: "I have
been asking myself the same thing.  I'm sure our superiors feel  their
orders are justified." Picard: "Orders we can't even *verify*." MacDuff:
"Orders we can't *ignore*."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "If we all die...here, now...you will not be able to gloat!"
 -- "Q Who", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "If you wish to undertake a mission with obvious repercussions for the
  Federation, then you should *discuss* it with the Federation.  I am here as
  their representative.  You'll have to discuss it with me."
Spock: "That is precisely what I had hoped to avoid."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "If you would care to study some technical schematics or--"
Scott: "I'm not eighteen!  I can't start out like a raw cadet!  Yeah,
there a  comes a time when a man finds that he can't fall in love
again.  He knows that  it's time to stop."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "I have come on an urgent mission from the Federation.  I
am looking for
  Ambassador Spock."
Spock: "Indeed!  You have found him, Captain Picard."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Picard: "I have learned that it is useless to argue with you once your mind is
  set."
Spock: "Not at all, Captain.  I have found our arguments quite useful...almost
  as useful as those I had with my father."
Picard: "Would it surprise you to learn...that he found them equally valuable?"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Picard: "I hope their scout ship makes contact soon.  It's never a good idea to
  stay too long in a Cardassian border without making your intentions known."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "I'll take this opportunity to remove my ears."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Picard: "I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard, of the Federation Starship Enterprise."
Cytherian: "Hierarchical collective command structure!"
Picard: "Who are you?"
Cytherian: "Interrogative!"
Picard: "I am 'interrogative', yes!"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "I'm Jean-Luc Picard.  Welcome aboard the Enterprise, Captain Scott."
Scott: "Thank you, sir, and call me 'Scotty'."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "I'm much too busy to learn a part."
Beverly: "Don't worry! I'm not asking you to play a lead or something."
 -- "A Fistful Of Datas", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "I'm not content simply to obey orders."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "I'm really not much of an actor."
 -- "A Fistful Of Datas", Stardate unknown
%%
PICARD: I'm too sexy for my hair, too sexy for my hair...
%%
Picard: "I'm willing to entertain suggestions."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
Picard: "I need to know that what I am doing is *right*."
MacDuff: "So do I.  I'd feel a lot better if all the questions were answered.
  And if you want to abandon our mission until our memories return that's your
  choice, but I must ask you...is it right to risk prolonging this war?  To
  allow the needless deaths of thousands on both sides...solely on the basis of
  our moral discomfort?"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard in personal quarters: "Come!" - 2 drinks!
%%
Picard: "I offer you the chance to touch...what he shared with me."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Picard is attacked/has an accident & blood is drawn - 2 drinks!
%%
Picard is in his chest-revealing bedwear - 2 drinks!
%%
Picard: "Is there anyone on Romulus he might know, or choose to contact?"
Sarek: "Pardek?" Picard: "Who is Pardek?" Sarek: "It could be...Pardek!"
Picard: "Who is Pardek?" Sarek: "He is a Romulan senator.  Spock has
maintained a relationship with him  over the years.  I don't know
how they met.  At the Khitomer Conference, I'd  imagine." Picard:
"Pardek represented Romulus." Sarek: "Yes!  I'm sure he did.  In fact,
I recall Spock coming to me with  optimism about maintaining a continual
*dialogue* with the Romulans.  I told  him that it was illogical to
maintain such an expectation.  Spock was always  so impressionable.
 This Romulan Pardek had no support at home!  Of course, in  the end,
I was later proven correct."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "I think, when one has been angry for a very long time, one
gets used to
  it.  And it becomes comfortable like...like old leather.  And finally...feels
  so humiliated one can't remember feeling any other way."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "'...it will be a black matter for the king who led them to it.'"
 -- "The Defector", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "I was not aware that Sarek was offended by Spock's opposition."
Perrin: "*I* was offended.  I made sure that Spock knew it.  I'm very
protective  of my husband.  I do not apologize for it."
 -- "Unification
I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "I will be the first to cheer when the Neutral Zone is abolished."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "Last time I was in this sector, I was on the Stargazer running at warp
  speed ahead of a Cardassian warship."
Troi: "Running, Captain?  You?  That's hard to believe."
Picard: "Believe it."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "Let's make sure history never forgets the name...'Enterprise'."
 -- "Yesterday's Enterprise", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "Mister Barclay, remove yourself from the computer system.  Leave the
  Holodeck."
Barclay: "I'm afraid I can't do that, sir."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "Mister Barclay, this is a direct order.  Discontinue whatever it is
  you're doing."
Barclay: "I really would rather not, sir."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "Mister Data, could this be a Dyson Sphere?"
Data: "The object does fit the general parameters of Dyson's theory."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "Mister Data, estimated time to intercept with the Phoenix."
Data: "At our present speed of warp four, sixteen hours, forty-four minutes."
Picard: "Ensign, increase to warp nine."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "Mister Data, your resourcefulness never ceases to amaze me."
Data: "Thank you, sir."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Picard: "Mister LaForge, ahead warp six."
LaForge: "Aye, sir, full impulse."
 -- "Conspiracy", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "Mister LaForge...I would like *you* to accompany Captain Scott.
LaForge: "Me, sir."
Picard: "Yes.  Look, this is not an order.  It's a request, and it's one that
  you must feel perfectly free to decline.  You see, one of the most important
  things in a person's life is to feel *useful*.  Now, Mister Scott is a
  Starfleet officer, and I would like him to feel useful again."
LaForge: "I'll go with him, sir."
Picard: "Thank you."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "Mister LaForge...schtep on it."
 -- "The Big Goodbye", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "Mister Worf, dispatch a subspace message to Admiral Hanson...'We have
  engaged...the Borg.'"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "Mister Worf, keep a close eye on Q's friends out there."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "Mister Worf, open a channel to the Lysians."
MacDuff: "Delay that order!  There's something wrong with the captain, I'm
  taking command of this vessel!  Fire all weapons!"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Now at the risk of being rude--"
Q: "Yes, once again, I overstate my welcome.  As a human, I was ill-equipped to
  thank you.  But as myself, you have my everlasting gratitude.  Until next
  time..."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "Of course.  You *knew* this would happen, didn't you?" Q:
"One can never anticipate the Calamarian.  They're very intelligent,
but very  flighty." Picard: "Yes, but you must have so many enemies.
 Certainly you knew that if  once you became mortal, some of them
might look you up." Q: "It had occured to me."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
"Picard": "Oh, cheer up, my lads, 'tis to glory we steer."
 -- "Allegiance", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "One more thing, Gul Macet.  Maxwell was right.  Those ships were not
  carrying scientific equipment, were they?  A research station, within arm's
  reach of three Federation sectors?  Cargo ships running with high energy
  subspace fields that jam sensors?"
Macet: "If you believe that the transport ship was carrying weapons, Captain,
  why didn't you board it as Maxwell had requested?"
Picard: "I was here to protect the peace.  A peace that I firmly believe is in
  the interest of both our peoples.  I had attempted to board that ship, I'm
  quite certain that both sides would now be arming for war."
Macet: "Captain, I assure you..."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Picard: "One photon torpedo would've ended their war."
Riker: "It almost did."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Peace, and long life."
Sarek: "Live long and...  And...  Live long and...  Spock!  My son!"
Picard: "And prosper."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "Perhaps you should appear to enjoy your soup, sir."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Picard: "Perrin, do you know why I've come to Vulcan?  I must talk to you about
  Spock."
Perrin: "He didn't even say, 'Good-bye' to his father before he left!"
Picard: "Is it possible he could've been abducted?"
Perrin: "No!  He wrapped up all of his affairs carefully.  He knew he was
  going."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "Perrin, would you allow me to see Sarek?" Perrin: "If it
were anyone else, I would never permit it.  But you are a part of
 him, and he of you."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "Q!"
Q: "But I feel like celebrating!"
Picard: "I don't!"
Q: "All right!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "Q!"
Q: "Mon capitan."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard: "Q, what is it you really want?"
Q: "Well since you know so much about the Q, I thought you'd be the perfect
  person to introduce me to the child.  Let her know that she can...trust me."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard/Riker'92! Leadership for The Next Generation!
%%
Picard: "Sarek!  I've come a long way to see you."
Sarek: "I will not answer!"
Picard: "I must talk to you about your son."
Sarek: "I wish no one with me!"
Picard: "About Spock."
Sarek: "Spock?"
Picard: "Yes.  He's *missing*."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "Sarek, we are a part of each other.  I know that he has caused you
  pain.  But I also know...that you love him."
Sarek: "Tell him, Picard."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "Shuttle occupant, identify yourself."
Q: "Don't try and talk me out of it, Jean-Luc."
Picard: "Q, return to the ship immediately!"
Q: "I just can't get used to following orders."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "Sleep..."
Beverly: "He's regaining consciousness."
Picard: "Sleep..."
Troi: "It's Captain Picard speaking, not Locutus."
Picard: "Sleep, Data."
Beverly: [To Picard]  "You're exhausted."
Data: "Yes, Doctor."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Picard: "Still no response from the Klingons, Mister Worf?" Worf:
"No, sir." Picard: "He's ignoring me, what other explanation is there?"
Riker: "It'd seem after hailing him for three days, he could've found
a *minute*  to talk to you."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Picard straightens his uniform - drink!
%%
Picard: "Tactical analysis, Mister Data."
Data: "The destroyer has minimal shields.  Their disrupter capacity appears to
  be only two-point-one megajules."
Riker: "They're no match for the Enterprise."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Take this message to your leaders, Gul Macet...we'll be watching."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Picard: "Thank you, Mister Barclay."
Barclay: "You're welcome, Captain.  Barclay out."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44704.2
%%
Picard: "The first vessel I that I served on as captain, was called the
  'Stargazer'.  It was an overworked, underpowered vessel, always on the verge
  of flying apart at the seams.  And every measurable sense, my Enterprise is
  far superior.  But there are times, when I would give almost everything, to
  command the Stargazer again."
Scott: "Yeah, it's like the first time you fall in love.  You don't ever love a
  woman quite like that again."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "The man is dying.  And it's my honor to tell him that his son may have
  betrayed the Federation."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Picard: "The only benefit to the Klingon Empire...would be our gratitude."
B'Ijik: "That is what you want me to tell him?!"
Picard: "Yes.  And, please add that, if he is unable to provide us with a ship,
  then I am sure there are others in the Klingon Empire...who would be willing
  to help me.  And then, they would have our gratitude."
B'Ijik: "I see."
Picard: "Also, please tell Gowron that I am *immensely* gratified that he is
  prospering so well.  A tribute to his skilled leadership."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Picard: "The question is, what sort of *jaded* game is he up to this time?"
Riker: "Maybe he just wants a big laugh.  He'll take Bre'el IV to the edge of
  disaster and then pull the moon back."
Picard: "Or he may have nothing to do with it at all."
Riker: "You honestly think Q is telling the truth?"
Picard: "Oh, I agree, this is highly unlikely."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "The replica was very convincing?"
Riker: "Very convincing...but not perfect."
Picard: "Not perfect in what way?"
Riker: "Well, sir...I find it hard to believe that you're that good a singer."
Picard: "Singer?...I look forward to reading your report, Commander.  At least,
  I think I do."
 -- "Allegiance", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "They took everything I was!  They used me to kill...and to destroy...
  and I couldn't stop them!  I tried so hard!"
 -- "Family", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "This culture will be assimiliated."
Hugh: "They do not wish it."
Picard: "Irrelevant."
Hugh: "They will resist us.
Picard: "Resistance is futile.
Hugh: "Resistance is *not* futile.  Some have escaped."
Picard: "They will be found.  It is inevitable.  All will be assimilated.".
Hugh: "Must Geordi be assimilated?"
Picard: "Yes."
Hugh: "He does not wish it.  He would rather die than be assimilated."
Picard: "Then he will die."
Hugh: "No, Geordi must not die.  Geordi is a friend."
 -- "I, Borg", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "This goes against my better judgement.  Transporter Room Three, lock
  onto Shuttle One, beam it back into its bay."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "This is an intolerable situation.  I have no wish to harm him, but I
  cannot allow Mister Barclay to continue to act as the computer.  I don't care
  how smart he is."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation starship
Enterprise."
Macet: "I am Gul Macet of the Cardassian ship Tragor."
Picard: "Why have you fired on us?"
Macet: "Curious question, Captain.  In *war* one attacks one's enemies."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Picard: "This ship must have a crew."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: To baldly go where no man has gone before.
%%
Picard to bridge, where am I?
%%
Picard to Enterprise, beam down Beverly and a six pack
%%
Picard to Lwaxana: "Not THAT kind of 'Engage'!"
%%
Picard: "Um, Computer, status report."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Until he does something more...menacing, I see no reason why we should
  prevent him from continuing his work."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "Very well, I will introduce you.  But...we cannot argue like this in
  front of her.  We must at least appear to be..."
Q: [Embraces Picard]  "Pals?"
Picard: "*Civil*."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Picard: "Very well, tell Gowron, Leader of the High Council of the Klingon
  Empire, that his Arbiter Of Succession, Jean-Luc Picard, needs...a favor."
B'Ijik: "'A favor'?"
Picard: "I require a cloaked vessel."
B'Ijik: "'A cloaked vessel'...is no small favor, Captain."
Picard: "It is for a mission that could have repercussions throughout the
  quadrant."
B'Ijik: "How would it benefit the Klingon Empire?  I'm sure Gowron would ask."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Picard: "Welcome to the twenty-fourth century."
 -- "The Neutral Zone", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "Well, bon voyage, Mister Scott."
Scott: "Thank you, sir.  For everything."
Data: "Mister Scott."
Troi: "Good-bye."
Scott: "Bye-bye."
Riker: "Scotty."
Scott: "Thank you."
Beverly: "Bye.  Be well."
Scott: "Mmm."
Worf: [No comment]
Scott: [No comment]
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
Picard: "Well done, Mister Data.  Though...I don't think you got Commander
  Riker's hair quite right."
Data: "I will be more observant in the future, sir."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Picard: "Well, I suppose that is the end of Q."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "Well, Mister Data, what do you think?"
Data: "I would not have thought it possible, sir.  I am eager to test the
  success of our efforts.  It does remain to be seen whether the Romulans will
  accept us."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Picard: "We're not going after any more Cardassian ships.  You're
going to  return to your bridge...and set a course for Starbase 211.
 The Phoenix and  the Enterprise will return to Federation space together.
 Those are  Starfleet's orders.  I will...permit you the dignity of
retaining your command  during the voyage.  But the only alternative
is to put you in the Brig, and  tow your ship back to the starbase
in disgrace."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Picard: "We should run a full diagnostic on all command systems."
Worf: "A 'full diagnostic' would require us to take our systems offline.  We
  would be defenseless."
Picard: "If we're going to trust *our* lives to these systems, we should be
  certain that they're not going to fail."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "Wesley, you will be missed."
 -- "Final Mission", Stardate unknown
%%
Picard: "What are the defensive capabilities of the Central Command?"
Data: "Armaments consist of four laser cannons and thirty-nine cobalt-fusion
  warheads with magnetic propulsion.  Defensive shield output is four-point-
  three-kilojules."
Riker: "One photon torpedo ought to do it."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Picard: "What do you think of the Enterprise-D?"
Scott: "She's a beauty.  With a good crew."
Picard: "But..."
Scott: "But...when I was here, I could tell you the speed we were traveling by
  the feel of the deckplates.  But on your ship, I feel like I'm just in the
  way."
Picard: "Oh, seventy-five years is a long time."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Picard: "What do you want of us?"
Cytherian: "The same as you...as one."
Picard: "Mister Barclay..."
Barclay: "You're both on the same mission, Captain."
Picard: "'Mission'?"
Barclay: "Yes, sir.  The Cytherians are exploring the galaxy, just as we are.
  The only difference is that they never leave their home.  They bring others
  here.  Their only wish, an exchange of knowledge.  They want to know us!"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Picard: "What is it you want, Q?"
Q: "Your compassion."  [Silence]  "All right, sanctuary on this ship...*dreary*
  as it may sound for the both of us."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "What kind of twisted pleasure does it give you to bring terror into
  their lives?"
Q: "Whose lives?"
Picard: "The millions of people down there who are watching as their moon falls
  out of sky!"
Q: "Ah, I haven't the *vaguest* idea of what you're talking about, and I have a
  much more serious problem!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Picard: "What're you doing?"
Data: "Sir?  Was I making noise, sir?"
Picard: "No, not exactly."
Data: "I was processing all of the information we have accumulated on Romulan
  society.  I am preparing for the task of impersonating a Romulan."
Picard: "I see."
Data: "Would you like me to discontinue, sir?"
Picard: "No.  No, please, go on."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Picard: "What're you looking at?"
Data: "I am not looking at anything, sir.  I am continuing to organize my
  files."
Picard: "But you were looking at me."
Data: "I am sorry if I was disturbing you, sir.  I will not look in your
  direction."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Picard: What's that smell?
Worf: Apologies, Sir
%%
Picard: "What will you do now?" Romulan #2: "What we have always done.
 Continue to teach, pass on the ideals to  a new generation, work
for the day when new thoughts may be spoken aloud." Picard: "The Federation
will welcome that day."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Picard: "Why would you not bring something so important to the attention
to your  own people?  Or the Federation? Spock: "A personal decision,
Captain.  Perhaps you are aware of the small rolof fonts and graphics in them,
   especially things like newsletters and presentation slides.  When
   typesetting book-length manuscripts, on the other hand, scale
   changes the nature of the task; one quickly runs into WYSIAYG
   limitations, and the increased power and flexibility of a
   command-driven formatter like {{TeX}} or UNIX's {{troff}}
   becomes not just desirable but a necessity.  Compare {YAFIYGI}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Picasso:
It f%*king looks just like her
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Pick another fortune cookie.
%%
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
 -- Jonathan Kozol
%%
Picked up his crumbs.
 -- Arthur Murphy (1727-1805)
 -- The Upholsterer, Act i
%%
Picked up this stupid tagline at a BBS Convention.
%%
Pick-em!
%%
picket, snow: rank and file member of union internationale des
associations d'alpinisme publicly protesting grievances in the
dead of winter.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Pickle:  A cucumber soured by a jarring experience!
%%
Pick Pockets 35% Climb Walls 95% Steal Tagline 15%
%%
Pick the right person the first time. The headaches you save will be your own.
%%
PICKUP a copy of RECORD at a BBS near you today!
%%
Pick up my guitar and play, just like yesterday..
%%
Pick your enemies carefully--they're harder to get rid
of than friends
%%
:pico-: [SI: a quantifier
   meaning * 10^-12]
   pref. Smaller than {nano-}; used in the same rather loose
   connotative way as {nano-} and {micro-}.  This usage is not yet
   common in the way {nano-} and {micro-} are, but should be
   instantly recognizable to any hacker.  See also {{quantifiers}},
   {micro-}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PIC: Permute Instruction Codes
%%
PIC: Print Illegible Characters
%%
PIC: Print Invalid Character
%%
PIC: Punch Invalid Character
%%
PICTURE, n.  A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome
in three.

    "Behold great Daubert's picture here on view --
    Taken from Life."  If that description's true,
    Grant, heavenly Powers, that I be taken, too.
                                                             Jali Hane
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pictures must not be too picturesque.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Pictures worth a thousand words take ten thousand times as long to draw.
%%
Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional
hyperplanes from which we can deduce a certain transformational
sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ...
%%
Pie: It's just not for dessert anymore. Try some for breakfast.
%%
PIE, n.  An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

    Cold pie was highly esteemed by the remains.
                                                       Rev. Dr. Mucker
                         (in a funeral sermon over a British nobleman)

    Cold pie is a detestable
    American comestible.
    That's why I'm done -- or undone --
    So far from that dear London.
               (from the headstone of a British nobleman in Kalamazoo)
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PIETY, n.  Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed
resemblance to man.

    The pig is taught by sermons and epistles
    To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.
                                                              Judibras
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Piety requries us to honor truth above friends.
 Aristotle
%%
Pig: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by
the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior
in scope, for it balks at pig.
%%
Pigeonholing is interesting only for pigeons.
%%
Pigeon poop!
%%
Piglet of Borg: If I weren't such a small Borg, resistance would
%%
Pigmentally challenged person of gender
%%
PIGMY, n.  One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers
in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only.  The
Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians
 -- who are Hogmies.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PIG, n.  An animal (_Porcus omnivorus_) closely allied to the human
race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is
inferior in scope,
   {WYSIWYG}.  Visual, `point-and-shoot'-style interfaces tend to
   have easy initial learning curves, but also to lack depth; they
   often frustrate advanced users who would be better served by a
   command-style interface.  When this happens, the frustrated user
   has a WYSIAYG problem.  This term is most often used of editors,
   word processors, and document formatting programs.  WYSIWYG
   `desktop publishing' programs, for example, are a clear win for
   creating small documents with lots raveler that is taken seriously.
A Pilgrim Father was one who, leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted
to sing psalms through his nose, followed it to Massachusetts,
where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pilgrim Settlers: May Flower
%%
Pilgrims may follow but there can only be one Columbus.
%%
Pillage pillage pillage ... loot loot loot! - Stimpy
%%
Pillage: To Plunder a pharmacy.
 -- Johnny Hart ("BC")
%%
PILLORY, n.  A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction
 -- prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere
virtues and blameless lives.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.
 -- Robert Davis
%%
:pilot error: [Sun: from aviation] n. A user's misconfiguration or
   misuse of a piece of software, producing apparently buglike results
   (compare {UBD}).  "Joe Luser reported a bug in sendmail that
   causes it to generate bogus headers."  "That's not a bug, that's
   pilot error.  His `sendmail.cf' is hosed."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pilot Plant:  A modest facility used for confirming design errors
   before they are built into a costly, full-scale
   production facility.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Pilots are just plane folks.
%%
PILOTS do it higher
%%
Pilots do it in the cockpit.
%%
PILOTS do it on the wing
%%
Pilots do it on top!
%%
Pilots do it to get high.
%%
Pilots do it with flare. (airplanes are flared on landing)
%%
PILOTS keep it up longer.
%%
Pilots stay up longer.
%%
Piltdown: the pig that made a monkey out of a man...
%%
PIMP: a fornicaterer.
%%
Pine Trees are fine trees!
%%
:ping: [from the TCP/IP acronym `Packet INternet Groper', prob.
   originally contrived to match the submariners' term for a sonar
   pulse] n.  Slang term for a small network message (ICMP ECHO)
   sent by a computer to check for the presence and alertness of
   another (the UNIX command `ping(8)' can be used to do this).
%%
Ping-pong players always smash balls.
%%
Pining for the fjords???  What kind of talk is that?
%%
Pink Floyd of Borg: All in all, we're all just Borgs in The Wall.
%%
 (Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home":)  You have reached 587-8783.
 Please leave a message.  ("Ohhhhhhhhh, babe...  When I pick up
 the phone...  There's still...  Nobody home.")
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
Pink isn't well, he stayed back at the hotel.
%%
Pink is the navy blue of India.
%%
:Pink-Shirt Book: "The Peter Norton Programmer's Guide to the IBM
   PC".  The original cover featured a picture of Peter Norton with a
   silly smirk on his face, wearing a pink shirt.  Perhaps in
   recognition of this usage, the current edition has a different
   picture of Norton wearing a pink shirt.  See also {{book titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pink slips are an extremely effective means of communication. - Don Smith
%%
Pins 2 and 3 (RS-232) permanently connected to ground.
%%
Pinto: Put In New Transmission Often
%%
PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way
out of the woods.
%%
Pioneering basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to die
 -- John W Campbell
%%
Pipefitters do it with blowtorches.
%%
Pipers do it with Amazing Grace
%%
:PIP: /pip/ [Peripheral Interchange Program] vt.,obs. To copy;
   from the program PIP on CP/M, RSX-11, RSTS/E, TOPS-10, and OS/8
   (derived from a utility on the PDP-6) that was used for file
   copying (and in OS/8 and RT-11 for just about every other file
   operation you might want to do).  It is said that when the program
   was originated, during the development of the PDP-6 in 1963, it was
   called ATLATL (`Anything, Lord, to Anything, Lord'; this played on
   the Nahuatl word `atlatl' for a spear-thrower, with connotations
   of utility and primitivity that were no doubt quite intentional).
   See also {BLT}, {dd}, {cat}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PI: Punch Invalid
%%
PIRACY, n.  Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pirates are their own worst enemies.
%%
Pirates do it with stumps.
%%
Pirates, they're recking it for everyone!
%%
Pi R squared.  Nooo!  Pie R round, cornbread R square!
%%
Pi R square, what a thought!!
%%
.pirts suiboM a hguorht neeb sah txet sihT
%%
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by
 the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over your associates and
 people resent your flaunting of your power.  You lack confidence and
 you are generally a coward.  Pisces people do terrible things to small
 animals.
%%
PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
   Take the high road, look for the good things, carry the
American Express card and a weapon.  The world is yours today, as
nobody else wants it.  Your mortgage will be foreclosed.  You will
probably get run over by a bus.
%%
PISCES    February 19 - March 20
You are a kind and gentle person.  Your sensitive nature has given you
the reputation of being a pansy and a creep.  Your lack of ambition is
directly related to your lack of talent.  Pisces make good ushers.
%%
PI seconds is a nanocentury.
 -- Tom Duff, Bell Labs
%%
Piss me off - Pay the consequences!
%%
PISS ON IT...It needed to be watered anyhow!!
%%
Piss on you, I'm workin' for Mel Brooks!
%%
:pistol: [IBM] n. A tool that makes it all too easy for you to
   shoot yourself in the foot.  "UNIX `rm *' makes such a nice
   pistol!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pitbulls don't kill people...uh, yeah, I guess they do.
%%
Pitchfork:  a device for collecting dead babies
%%
Pitchfork (n.): used to unload dead babies from boxcars
%%
PITIFUL, adj.  The state of an enemy of opponent after an imaginary
encounter with oneself.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
piton: antique metal work.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Pittacus said, "Every one of you hath his particular plague, and my
wife is mine; and he is very happy who hath this only."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- On the Tranquillity of the Mind
%%
Pittacus said that half was more than the whole.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pittacus, ii
%%
Pity Al Gore. He receives care packages from Bosnia.
%%
Pity Al Gore. He receives care packages from Haiti.
%%
Pity Al Gore. He receives care packages from Somalia.
%%
Pity Bill Clinton. He receives care packages from Bosnia.
%%
Pity Bill Clinton. He receives care packages from Haiti.
%%
Pity Bill Clinton. He receives care packages from Somalia.
%%
Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead.
%%
Pity. It's more thorough than the Dickens.
%%
PITY, n.  A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pity 's akin to love.
 -- Thomas Southerne (1660-1746)
 -- Oroonoka, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
Pity the poor cat, it's gotten dumber as it's evolved.
%%
Pity the poor corpuscle, for he labors in vein.
%%
Pity the poor egg: it only gets laid once.
%%
Pity the poor fools that defend Clinton's lies.
%%
Pity the sorrows of a poor old man,
  Whose trembling limbs have borne him to your door,
Whose days are dwindled to the shortest span;
  Oh give relief, and Heaven will bless your store.
 -- Thomas Moss (1740-1808)
 -- The Beggar
%%
Pity William James. He receives care packages from Somalia.
%%
Pixel, the cat you don't have to let out.
%%
Pixel - Tinkerbell after the hormone shots.
%%
PIZZA!!
%%
Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
 -- Ozman's Law
%%
:pizza, ANSI standard: /an'see stan'd*rd peet'z*/ [CMU] Pepperoni
   and mushroom pizza.  Coined allegedly because most pizzas ordered
   by CMU hackers during some period leading up to mid-1990 were of
   that flavor.  See also {rotary debugger}; compare {tea, ISO
   standard cup of}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:pizza box: [Sun] n. The largish thin box housing the electronics
   in (especially Sun) desktop workstations, so named because of its
   size and shape and the dimpled pattern that looks like air holes.

   Two meg single-platter removable disk packs used to be called
   pizzas, and the huge drive they were stuck into was referred to as
   a pizza oven.  It's an index of progress that in the old days just
   the disk was pizza-sized, while now the entire computer is.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pizza delivery boys come in 30 minutes, or it's free.
%%
Pizza Delivery men do it in 10 minutes or less!
%%
Pizza for Breakfast.  Its the wrong thing to do!
%%
Pizza is a lot like sex.  When it's good, it's really good.  When it's bad,
 it's still pretty good.
%%
Pizza IS the four food groups!
%%
Pizza: Nature's perfect food.
%%
Pizza the Hutt!
%%
PKLite Beer?
%%
PKUNZIP -d CLINTON.ZIP...Exploding ECONOMY.USA
%%
PKunZIP V56.7 FAST! Exploding Universe-<<CRC-l error!
%%
PKWARE: "The Data Compression Experts" (tm)
%%
PKZIP 2.04c: Format another (Y/N)?
%%
PKZIP 2.04c is a virus!! It spreads, nd cmpreses n cprss
%%
PKZip 3.0 - the hope of our grandchildren!
%%
PKZip - it's not just for downloads anymore
%%
Plac'd far amid the melancholy main.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Castle of Indolence, Canto i, Stanza 30
%%
Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS
 in the Trianon Room!!  Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Place me on Sunium's marbled steep,
  Where nothing save the waves and I
May hear our mutual murmurs sweep;
  There, swan-like, let me sing and die.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 86, 16
%%
Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences,
as of ten or more words, to their antecedents.
%%
Place written complaint and proof here ====> []
%%
Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is
   not correct.
 -- Writing Rule 28
%%
Plaese porrf raed.
 -- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
%%
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
%%
PLAGIARISM, n.  A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable
priority and an honorable subsequence.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Plagiarism not allowed. Derive carefully.
%%
Plagiarism prohibited.  Derive carefully.
%%
Plagiarism: The only "ism" Hollywood believes in.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Plagiarize, plagiarize, let no man's work escape your eyes.
But be sure to call it research.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
PLAGIARIZE, v.  To take the thought or style of another writer whom
one has never, never read.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PLAGUE, n.  In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for
admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the
Immune.  The plague as we of to-day have the happiness to know it is
merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless
objectionableness.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down. I always
    feel so miserable whenver I'm around.
 -- A. Yankovic, Generic Blues
%%
:plaid screen: [XEROX PARC] n. A `special effect' that occurs
   when certain kinds of {memory smash}es overwrite the control
   blocks or image memory of a bit-mapped display.  The term "salt and
   pepper" may refer to a different pattern of similar origin.
   Though the term as coined at PARC refers to the result of an error,
   some of the {X} demos induce plaid-screen effects deliberately
   as a {display hack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Plain as a nose in a man's face.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, The Author's Prologue to the Fifth Book
%%
Plain as a pike-staff.
 -- Alain Rene Le Sage (1668-1747)
 -- Gil Blas, Book xii, Chap. viii
%%
:plain-ASCII: /playn-as'kee/ Syn. {flat-ASCII}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Plain as the nose on a man's face.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. iv
%%
Plain nymphs are harmless.
%%
Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do.
But beautiful women don't need to know about men.
It's the men who have to know about beautiful women.
 -- Katherine Hepburn
%%
+--------+
|plan ahe|
+--------+
%%
PLANE.COM crashing; (A)bort (R)etry (K)iss your ASCII goodbye.
%%
Planetary creation error: Abort, Retry, or Evolve?
%%
Planet Druidia is in sight sir..
%%
Planet earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do.
 -- Major Tom
%%
Planets are smarter than astronomers because planets
can solve the three-body problem.
%%
Plankton lobiest: "Nuke the whales!"
%%
Planned Parenthood is nothing of the sort.
%%
Planned parenthood --- the impossible dream.
%%
PLAN?  There ain't no plan!
 -- Pigkiller to Max, "Thunderdome", movie
%%
Plant newspaper, add sarcasm, tags sprout in 4-6 nsec.
%%
Plan: To make a machine that will be proud of us.
 -- Thinking Machine's motto.
%%
Plan to throw one away. You will anyway.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%
PLAN, v.t.  To bother about the best method of accomplishing an
accidental result.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Plan your work and work your plan.
%%
Plasma is another matter.
%%
Plasma physicists do it with everything stripped off.
%%
Plasterers do it hard.
%%
Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe!
 Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!
 -- Green Lantern Comics
%%
Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
%%
Plastic flowers
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Plastic glasses?
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Plastic gun.  Ingenious.  More coffee, please.
 -- Lee Falk's THE PHANTOM by Peter David
%%
Plastic lemons
 -- Oxymoron
%%
:platinum-iridium: adj. Standard, against which all others of the
   same category are measured.  Usage: silly.  The notion is that one
   of whatever it is has actually been cast in platinum-iridium alloy
   and placed in the vault beside the Standard Kilogram at the
   International Bureau of Weights and Measures near Paris.  (From
   1889 to 1960, the meter was defined to be the distance between two
   scratches in a platinum-iridium bar kept in that same vault --- this
   replaced an earlier definition as 10^(-7) times the distance
   between the North Pole and the Equator along a meridian through
   Paris; unfortunately, this had been based on an inexact value of
   the circumference of the Earth.  From 1960 to 1984 it was defined
   to be 1650763.73 wavelengths of the orange-red line of krypton-86
   propagating in a vacuum.  It is now defined as the length of the
   path traveled by light in a vacuum in the time interval of
   1/299,792,458 of a second.  The kilogram is now the only unit of
   measure officially defined in terms of a unique artifact.)  "This
   garbage-collection algorithm has been tested against the
   platinum-iridium cons cell in Paris."  Compare {golden}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Platitude: a dull old saw that everyone borrows but no one sharpens.
%%
Platitude: a statement that denies by implication what it explicitly affirms.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
PLATITUDE, n.  The fundamental element and special glory of popular
literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke.  The wisdom of
a million fools in the diction of a dullard.  A fossil sentiment in
artificial rock.  A moral without the fable.  All that is mortal of a
departed truth.  A demi-tasse of milk-and-mortality.  The Pope's-nose
of a featherless peacock.  A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the
sea of thought.  The cackle surviving the egg.  A desiccated epigram.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Platitudes are the Sundays of stupidity.
%%
Plato affirmed that the soul was immortal and clothed in many bodies
successively.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Plato, xl
%%
Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia
because they were liars.  The truth was that Plato knew philosophers
couldn't compete successfully with poets.
 -- Kilgore Trout (Philip J. Farmer) Venus on the Half
                    Shell
%%
Plato had slaves . . .   George Washington had slaves . . .
 So, do I feel intrinsically better than these two men?
 Of course I do! They're dead!
 -- Todd Andrew Reid
%%
Plato having defined man to be a two-legged animal without feathers,
Diogenes plucked a cock and brought it into the Academy, and said,
"This is Plato's man." On which account this addition was made to
the definition,--"With broad at nails."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
PLATONIC, adj.  Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates.  Platonic
Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a
frost.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Platonic friendship: The interval between the introduction and the first kiss.
 -- Sophie Irene Loeb
%%
Platonic Shadow:
 A nonsexual friendship with a member of the opposite sex.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Plato says, "'T is to no purpose for a sober man to knock at the door
of the Muses;" and Aristotle says "that no excellent soul is exempt
from a mixture of folly."
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. ii, Of Drunkenness
%%
Plato was a bore.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Plato was continually saying to Xenocrates, "Sacrifice to the Graces."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Xenocrates, iii
%%
PLAUDITS, n.  Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and
devour it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Play ball: last 2 words of the U.S. national anthem at baseball games.
%%
Playboy channel?  Nah, I've got the holodeck channel!
%%
PLAYERS do it in a team
%%
Playing a billion in a row on KRQR, the station that doesn't count too good.
%%
Playing an endgame with a king and no other pieces.
%%
Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic
table.
 -- Dave Barry, The Snake
%%
Playing baseball with a rubber bat.
%%
Playing billiards pays when you are in a shop.
%%
Playing hack on terminals without cm is suspect...
%%
Playing Scrabble, but we can't figure out what words he's building.
%%
Playing Shanghai is the foremost requirement for a long, happy life.
%%
[Playing the cello] should be like singing to yourself.
 -- Mstislav Rostropovich
%%
Playing the lottery, especially when there is a large pot, does not of
 itself improve your chances of winning.
%%
Playing the violin must be like making love--all or nothing.
 -- Isaac Stern
%%
Playing with the Christmas Fire: Yule B. Sari
%%
Playin' rap so loud I found a gold tooth in my ear!
%%
Play it again, bard.
%%
Play it again Sam!
%%
 "Play It Safe" by Justin Case
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Play like you've got guts coming out of your ears.
 -- Paul "Bear" Bryant
%%
Play out the play.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
:playpen: [IBM] n. A room where programmers work.  Compare {salt
   mines}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
%%
Plays pinochle with a poker deck.
%%
Plays round the head, but comes not to the heart.
One self-approving hour whole years outweighs
Of stupid starers and of loud huzzas;
And more true joy Marcellus exil'd feels
Than Caesar with a senate at his heels.
In parts superior what advantage lies?
Tell (for you can) what is it to be wise?
'T is but to know how little can be known;
To see all others' faults, and feel our own.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 254
%%
Plays solitaire...  for cash.
%%
Plays tennis with no net and finds it challenging.
%%
Plays that work in theory do not work in practice. Plays that work
in practice do not work during the game.
%%
:playte: /playt/ 16 bits, by analogy with {nybble} and
   {{byte}}.  Usage: rare and extremely silly.  See also {dynner}
   and {crumb}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Play well, or play badly, but play truly.
 -- Konstantin Stanislavsky
%%
Play with my body, not my mind.
%%
Pleasant prospects for the future are indicated.
%%
Pleas'd me, long choosing and beginning late.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 26
%%
Please affix a 29-cent stamp on your next message.
%%
Please all, and you will please none.
%%
Please avoid reading this sentence.
%%
Please baby, please baby, baby baby please baby.
 -- Spike Lee
%%
Please bear with me. I am slightly shell shocked.
%%
Please be seated during the entire performance.
 -- Seen in one of the toilets at University of Toledo
%%
Please be sure to exit before leaving.
 -- Jack Treger
%%
Please bus your trays--the food that you don't eat
today may be the food that eats you tomorrow   Campus
Crusade for Cthulhu
%%
Please call IBM. I believe my computer's on fire.
%%
Please change the channel...
%%
Please check your firearm at the door.
%%
Please close all windows at speeds beyond 140MPH.
 -- Sticker on dash of MA chase vehicle
%%
Please come home with me...  I have Tylenol!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Please Cooper, I do not suffer fools gladly and fools with badges, never.
 I want no interference from the hulking boob; is that clear?
 -- Agent Albert Rosenfield, from Twin Peaks
%%
Please, cut off my arm.
%%
Please define... 'SOON'
%%
Please deposit .25 for the first 3 minutes.
%%
PLEASE DISENGAGE OPERATOR, CEREBRAL MELT DOWN
%%
Please, doctor, not while my wife is on board.
 -- O'Brien
%%
Please do not annoy, torment, pester, plague, molest, worry, badger, harry,
harass, heckle, persecute, irk, bullyrag, vex, disquiet, grate, beset, bother,
tease, nettle, tantalize, or ruffle the animals.
 -- San Diego Zoo
%%
Please!  Do not break character!
%%
Please do not disturb - I'm disturbed enough already.
%%
Please do Not: Fold, Spindle, or Cogitate
%%
Please do not shoot the pianist.
He is doing his best.
 -- quoted by Oscar Wilde (1856-1900)
%%
Please do not steal towel. If you are not such person
 to do such thing, please do not read notis.
 -- Sign in Japaneese hotel
%%
Please do not type quite so loudly.
The person sitting to your left is a spy.
%%
Please do not use this document as toilet tissue.
%%
Please don't ask me to do that which I've just said I'm not going to
do, because you're burning up time; the meter is running through the
sand on you, and I am now filibustering.
 -- President George Bush,
 -- refusing to answer a reporter's persistent questions
 -- about the Oliver North trial
%%
Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Please don't dominate the rap, Jack, if you got nothing new to say.
 -- Robert Hunter
%%
Please don't drink and post.
%%
Please don't empty my brain!  I spent my whole life trying to fill it up!
 -- Flash Gordon
%%
Please don't fall back on your tired cliche of charging to the rescue
  just in the nick of time. I don't want to be rescued. My life as a
  human being has been a dismal failure. Perhaps my death will have a
  little dignity.
"Q, there is no dignity in this suicide."
Yes, I suppose you're right. Death of a coward then, so be it. But as a
  human, I would have died of boredom.
 -- Q and Picard, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Please don't feed the animals!
%%
Please don't filter this twit
%%
Please don't give me a piece of your mind... I know it's your last one.
%%
Please don't kill the messenger.
%%
Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find
 out the truth.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Please, don't make me treat you like dogs.  I don't want to
treat you like common dogs.
 -- Miss Firecracker
%%
PLEASE don't Phul around in the echoes....
%%
Please don't put a strain on our
friendship by asking me to do something for you.
%%
Please don't put your cigarette butts in the
 urinal! It makes them soggy and hard to light.
%%
Please don't recommend me to your friends--
it's difficult enough to cope with you alone.
%%
Please don't SHOUT - you're hurting my eyes...
%%
PLEASE DON'T SMOKE HERE!

Penalty: An early, lingering death from
cancer, emphysema, or other smoking-caused ailment.
%%
Please don't spoil everything by telling me the truth.
%%
Please don't take my sunshine away.
%%
Please don't tell my fiancee what SHICKSA means!
%%
Please don't throw beer bottles at the band!
%%
Please don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
%%
Please don't throw your cigarette butts on the floor -
the cockroaches are getting cancer.
%%
Please! Don't unzip here! I'm bashful!
%%
Please don't yell at me.  I'm new at this.
%%
Pleased to the last, he crops the flowery food,
And licks the hand just raised to shed his blood.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 83
%%
Please excuse Al Gore for being. It was his mother's fault.
%%
Please excuse Bill Clinton for being. It was his mother's fault.
%%
"Please excuse my wife.  She may appear to be rather nasty,
but underneath she has a heart of formica."
 -- Monty Python
%%
Please feel free to leave me messages.
%%
Please feel welcome until further notice.
%%
Please follow more cautiously Life's Golden Rule.
%%
Please forgive me if, in the heat of battle,
I sometimes forget which side I'm on.
%%
Please God, Give me patience, but HURRY!
%%
Please, GOD, PLEASE save me from some of your followers.
%%
Please help keep the world clean: others may wish to use it.
%%
Please help me to get this operational.... thanks... Gary
%%
Please hold. A service representative will annoy you shortly.
%%
Please hold on...
%%
Please ignore this line.
%%
Please inform Starfleet: I have engaged the Borg. Wedding Friday.
%%
Please insert drive A: into drive B:
%%
Please just ignore this tagline, OK?
%%
Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
%%
Please knock firmly on door.  I like firm knockers.
%%
 Please leave a message.  However, you have the right to remain
 silent.  Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by
 us.
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
Please leave deposit in appropriate bank...
%%
Please leave us.

Why should we leave you?

Because we don't like you.
 -- Kirk and Androids, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3
%%
 Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and
 your favorite color of underwear.  We'll get back to you if we
 like the color.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
PLEASE LOG OFF!.... NOW ! ! !
%%
Please Lord, not another learning experience!
%%
Please make yourself at home - do the dishes!
%%
P.l.e.a.s.e...Mr. Data....no more jokes!
%%
Please, Mr. Wizard!  Which way is the Byteroom?
%%
PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is
 Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only
 in a Vague and Undetermined State.
%%
Please phrase your questions in the form of an answer.
%%
Please, please... don't make a fuss... I'm just plain Yogurt.
%%
Please pray that Clinton won't trash the economy!
%%
Please Press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL].
%%
Please press firmly.  You are making 1,000,000 copies.
%%
Please read Chapter 5: "Your Wife's rights, lefts, and upper-cuts"
%%
Please, read the Skeptical Inquirer!
%%
Please recycle this tagline.  Once is not enough.
%%
Please re-enter your tagline. . . and make it funny this time!
%%
Please refrain from making me puke on my workstation.
 -- Alan Weiss (alan@tivoli.UUCP>
%%
Please remain calm, it's no use both of us being hysterical at the same time.
%%
Please reply to message before reading this tagline.
%%
Please report all lost or stolen taglines to your Sysop.
%%
Please return stewardess to original upright position.
%%
Please return sysop to original upright position.
%%
Please save the above drivel for future reference!
%%
Please save your burned out bulbs for me -- I'm building a darkroom.
%%
Please saw my legs off.
 -- Things you never hear people say
%%
Please say it isn't so!!!
%%
Please see your doctor.  Your condition has deteriorated.
%%
PLEASE SHOOT ME I KNOW COBOL!!!
%%
Please, Sir Knight... we *are* doctors.
%%
Please solve your problems in advance so that we can
help you better
%%
Please spare us all the attempts to get everyone to shorten their
 emotional bandwidth on-line until everyone sounds like a sober
 philosophy major calmly discussing the merits of post neo-realism
 as reflected in modernistic Danish furniture.
 -- Chris Neckalson (chrisn@sco.com)
%%
Please speak slowly...I'm from Mississippi.
%%
Please stand by... the computer is down.
%%
Please stand for the National Anthem.

God save our Gracious Queen!
  Long live our Noble Queen!
God save the Queen!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign o'er us!
God save the Queen!

Thank you.  You may resume your seat.
%%
Please stand out of the crease.
%%
Please steal this tagline, and spread it around the world.
%%
PLEASE STOP READING THIS MESSAGE NOW.
%%
Please take cash.
%%
Please! Take my word for it.
%%
Please take note:
%%
Please tell your cat that I am not a tree.
%%
Please think when you drink....
%%
Please to bathe inside the tub.
 -- In a Japanese hotel room
%%
Please try to limit the amount of this room doesn't have any bazingas
until you are told that those rooms are punched out.      Once punched
out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas,
and such.
 -- N. Meyrowitz
%%
Please type your Bank PIN number in your reply again.
%%
PLEASE USE OTHER DOOR.
%%
Please use the quote feature if you respond. Thanks.
%%
PLEASE, v.  To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Please Wait . . . Eating Hat.
%%
Please wait...   Moderator has exited to the race track...
%%
Please wait ONE HOUR before replying...
%%
Please wait.  Program reading mind.
%%
Please wait... Sysop has exited to DOS
%%
Please wait while PCBoard reloads.
%%
Please wash your monitor after reading this message.
%%
Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
%%
Please write any response legibly in this space ---< []
%%
PLEASE YIELD TO EMERGENCY VEHICLES, THEY MAY BE FOR YOU!!
%%
"Please your Majesty," said the Knave, "I didn't write it, and they can't prove
that I did: there's no name signed at the end."
"If you didn't sign it," said the King, "that only makes things worse. You
MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your name like an
honest man."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Pleasure is the only thing to live for. Nothing ages like happiness.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Pleasure is the start and end of living happily.
 -- Epicurus
%%
Pleasure is to Women what the Sun is to the Flower; if moderately
enjoyed, it beautifies, it refreshes, and it improves; if immoderately,
it withers, etiolates, and destroys.
 -- Colton
%%
PLEASURE, n.  The least hateful form of dejection.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pleasure, or wrong or rightly understood, Our greatest evil, or our
greatest good.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
Pleasure soon exhausts us and itself also; but endeavor never does.
 -- Richter
%%
Pleasure that comes unlooked for is thrice welcome.
 -- Rogers
%%
PLEBEIAN, n.  An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained
nothing but his hands.  Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a
saturated solution.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PLEBISCITE, n.  A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pleese desrigard eny spealing airors!!!!!!!
%%
PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj.  Having full power.  A Minister Plenipotentiary
is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he
never exert it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Plenty brings pride.
 -- Proverb
%%
PLEONASM, n.  An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Plerique amicos, tamquam pecudes, eos potissimum.
%%
PL/I - A bordello madam.  She wears silk dresses, diamonds, furs and red high
heels.  At one time she seemed very attractive, but now she just seems
overweight and tacky.  Tastes change.
 -- Daniel J. Salomon
%%
PL/I          -- A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission,
a two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust
pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield
%%
:plingnet: /pling'net/ n. Syn. {UUCPNET}.  Also see
   {{Commonwealth Hackish}}, which uses `pling' for {bang} (as in
   {bang path}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PL/I - the fatal disease - belongs more to the problem set than to
the solution set.
 -- Dijkstra, "How do we tell truths that might hurt",
 -- ACM Sig Plan Notices, May 82
%%
Plodding along with Plodigy.
%%
PLOKTA: Pound Lots Of Keys To Abort
%%
:plonk: [USENET: possibly influenced by British slang `plonk' for
   cheap booze, or `plonker' for someone behaving stupidly] The sound
   a {newbie} makes as he falls to the bottom of a {kill file}.
   Used almost exclusively in the {newsgroup} talk.bizarre,
   this term (usually written "*plonk*") is a form of public
   ridicule.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh, what a relief it is.
%%
Plots are like girdles.  Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed,
they're of no interest except to fetishists.  Like girdles, they
attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.
 -- R. S. Knapp
%%
Plough deep while sluggards sleep.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
Plough the watery deep.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iii, Line 357
%%
PLOW, n.  An implement that cries aloud for hands accustomed to the
pen.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PLSC: Perform Light Show on Console
%%
Pluck out the heart of my mystery.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Plucky Reginald Vas Deferens is a nuclear scientist.
%%
PLUGH ..... nothing happens
%%
Plug your modem in backwards and hear the Devil's own words!
%%
Plumber: A person who comes to your home and asks you if you own it
 free and clear, before he goes out to the truck to bring in tools.
%%
Plumbers do it under the sink.
%%
Plumbers do it with plumber's friends.
%%
Plumbers do it with snakes and helpers.
%%
Plumb Good: Dwayne Pipe.
%%
        Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities,
requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm
into a clogged toilet.  In fact, you can solve many home plumbing
problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by turning up the
radio.  But before we get into specific techniques, let's look at how
plumbing works.
       A plumbing system is very much like your electrical system,
except that instead of electricity, it has water, and instead of wires,
it has pipes, and instead of radios and waffle irons, it has faucets
and toilets.  So the truth is that your plumbing systems is nothing at
all like your electrical system, which is good, because electricity can
kill you.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
:plumbing: [UNIX] n. Term used for {shell} code, so called
   because of the prevalence of `pipelines' that feed the output of
   one program to the input of another.  Under UNIX, user utilities
   can often be implemented or at least prototyped by a suitable
   collection of pipelines and temp-file grinding encapsulated in a
   shell script; this is much less effort than writing C every time,
   and the capability is considered one of UNIX's major winning
   features.  A few other OSs such as IBM's VM/CMS support similar
   facilities.  Esp. used in the construction `hairy plumbing'
   (see {hairy}).  "You can kluge together a basic spell-checker
   out of `sort(1)', `comm(1)', and `tr(1)' with a
   little plumbing."  See also {tee}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Plumbum, peachbum, applebum, bananabum: homeless fruits
%%
Plumpick?: Don't you understand, the whole town will blow up in three minutes!
Columbine: Yes--they will be wonderful, those three minutes.
 -- _The King of Hearts_
%%
PLUNDER, v.  To take the property of another without observing the
decent and customary reticences of theft.  To effect a change of
ownership with the candid concomitance of a brass band.  To wrest the
wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanishing opportunity.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Plunk your magic twanger, Froggyyyyy!
%%
Pluralitas non ponenda est sine necessitate.
 (Multiplicity is not to be asserted when it is unnecessary.)
 -- William of Occam [Occam's Razor]
%%
"Plus and minus?? What kind of a stupid name is that? You guys are a
 constant source of embarrassment."
 -- Dash X, "The Loyal Order of Corn", Eerie Indiana
%%
Pluto can be seen with the naked eye at Disneyland.
%%
Plutonium-239 is so lethal that a ball the size of a grapefruit
contains enough poison to kill nearly all the people living today.
%%
Plymouth: Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood
%%
Plymouth        Please Let Your Mother Out <from> Under The Hood!
%%
Plymouth: Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadilliac
%%
Plymouth        Pussy Lips <in> Your MOUTH
%%
:P-mail: n. Physical mail, as opposed to {email}.  Synonymous
   with {snail-mail}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:PM: /P-M/ 1. v. (from `preventive maintenance') To bring down
   a machine for inspection or test purposes.  See {provocative
   maintenance}; see also {scratch monkey}.  2. n. Abbrev. for
   `Presentation Manager', an {elephantine} OS/2 graphical user
   interface.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PMS is a vicious cycle!
%%
PMS?  No, I'm always like this.  Why do you ask?
%%
PMS: Periodic Monster Syndrome.
%%
PMS: Presentation Manager Syndrome.
%%
PMT: Punch Magnetic Tape
%%
:pnambic: /p*-nam'bik/ [Acronym from the scene in the film
   version of "The Wizard of Oz" in which the true nature of the
   wizard is first discovered: "Pay no attention to the man behind
   the curtain."]  1. A stage of development of a process or function
   that, owing to incomplete implementation or to the complexity of
   the system, requires human interaction to simulate or replace some
   or all of the actions, inputs, or outputs of the process or
   function.  2. Of or pertaining to a process or function whose
   apparent operations are wholly or partially falsified.
   3. Requiring {prestidigitization}.

   The ultimate pnambic product was "Dan Bricklin's Demo", a program
   which supported flashy user-interface design prototyping.  There is
   a related maxim among hackers: "Any sufficiently advanced
   technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo."  See
   {magic}, sense 1, for illumination of this point.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
%%
PNG: Pass Noxious Gas
%%
PNIH: Place Needle In Haystack
%%
PNRP: Print Nasty Replies to Programmer
%%
Pobody's Nerfect!
%%
Pockalanche: perpetual action where items fall out of a shirt pocket.
%%
POCKET, n.  The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience.  In
woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her
conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of
others.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
POCK, he's that guy from Tar Trek!  8^)
%%
POCL: Punch Out Console Lights
%%
:pod: [allegedly from abbreviation POD for `Prince Of Darkness'] n. A
   Diablo 630 (or, latterly, any letter-quality impact printer).  From
   the DEC-10 PODTYPE program used to feed formatted text to it.  Not
   to be confused with {P.O.D.}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Podiatrists do it with feet.
%%
Podiatrists do it with someone else's feet.
%%
:P.O.D.: /P-O-D/ Acronym for `Piece Of Data' (as opposed to a
   code section).  Usage: pedantic and rare.  See also {pod}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Poetic justice is when an attorney is sued for malpractice.
%%
Poetic Justice, with her lifted scale,
Where in nice balance truth with gold she weighs,
And solid pudding against empty praise.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book i, Line 52
%%
Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which
get you.  And all you can do is go where they can find you.
 -- Winnie-the-Pooh, Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
Poetry and Power Tools,
High Jumping and Low Ceilings,
Wet Paint and Dry Cleaning,
Power Lifting and Ice Skating.
 -- Things that don't go together
%%
Poetry and Power Tools:  "The sun creeps up / THE DAY AWAKES / ..."
%%
Poetry--even bad poetry--may be our final hope.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Poetry has been to me "its own exceeding great reward;" it has soothed
my afflictions; it has multiplied and refined my enjoyments; it has
endeared solitude; and it has given me the habit of wishing to discover
the good and the beautiful in all that meets and surrounds me.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Poetry in Baseball: Homer
%%
Poetry is an attempt to express the inexpressible.
%%
Poetry is a search for the inexplicable.
 -- Wallace Stevens
%%
Poetry isn't obscene, it's per verse.
%%
Poetry is the devil's wine.
 -- Saint Augustine (354-430)
 -- Confessions (397-398)
%%
Poetry is the eloquence of truth.
 -- Joseph Campbell
%%
Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet believes to be
interior and personal but which the reader recognizes as his own.
%%
Poetry is what Milton saw when he went blind.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
Poetry is when every line starts with a capital letter.
%%
Poetry, like chastity, can be carried too far.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
POETRY, n.  A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the
Magazines.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Poetry withers and dries out when it leaves music, or at least imagined
 music, too far behind it.    Poets who are not interested in music are, or
  become, bad poets.
 -- Ezra Pound
%%
Poets are all who love, who feel great truths,
And tell them; and the truth of truths is love.
 -- Philip James Bailey (1816-1902)
 -- Festus, Scene, Another and a Better World
%%
Poets are born, not paid.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
 -- Shelley (1792-1822)
%%
Poets go from bad to verse.
%%
Poets go from bard to verse.
%%
Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
 -- G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
Poets lose half the praise they should have got,
Could it be known what they discreetly blot.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- Upon Roscommon's Translation of Horace, De Arte Poetica
%%
Poets make better lays
%%
Poets that lasting marble seek
Must come in Latin or in Greek.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- Of English Verse
%%
Pogo ergo possum
%%
Pogo sticks make people jumpy.
%%
POG: Print Only Greek
%%
:point-and-drool interface: n. Parody of the techspeak term
   `point-and-shoot interface', describing a windows, icons, and
   mouse-based interface such as is found on the Macintosh.  The
   implication, of course, is that such an interface is only suitable
   for idiots.  See {for the rest of us}, {WIMP environment},
   {Macintrash}, {drool-proof paper}.  Also `point-and-grunt
   interface'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Point blank, right between those pretty lies that you tell.
%%
Pointless point of Confuscion...
%%
Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore.
%%
POI: Power Off Intermittently
%%
Poison is in everything, and no thing is without poison.  The dosage
makes it either a poison or a remedy.
 -- von Hohenheim (1493-1541)
%%
Poisonous asps.  Very dangerous.  You go first.
%%
Poisonous Displacer Adamantine Giant Space Hamster.
%%
Poker Face: The face that launched a thousand chips.
%%
Poker: It's darkest just before you've drawn.
%%
Poker, n.  A game said to be played with cards for some purpose to this
lexicographer unknown.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Poker players do it with their own hand.
%%
POKER - The game of the GODS!
%%
Pok pok pok, P'kok!
 -- Superchicken
%%
Polaroid does it in one step.
%%
Polaroid does it in seconds.
%%
Polaroids: what polar bears get from sitting on the ice.
%%
Pole vaulters do it with long, flexible instruments.
%%
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Policeman, police thyself.
%%
Policeman's barbecue: steak-out.
 -- Raymond D. Love
%%
Policemen are soldiers who act alone; soldiers are policemen who act in unison.
%%
Policemen like big busts.
%%
POLICEMEN never cop out
%%
POLICE, n.  An armed force for protection and participation.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Police seize sex computer, but are unsure of it's gender
%%
Police tagline.  Do not cross.
%%
Police up your spare rounds and frags.  Don't leave nothin' for the
dinks.
 -- Willem Dafoe in "Platoon"
%%
Poli(Many) Tic(Bloodsucker) Politics = Many Bloodsuckers.
%%
POLISH FLY:
   You put it in her drink and she begs you to take her bowling.
%%
Polite conversation is seldom either.
%%
Politeness is asking a beggar if he'll take a check.
%%
Politeness is the art of choosing among one's real thoughts.
 -- Abel Stevens
%%
Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Political Correctness failed in the Soviet Union!
%%
Political Correctness is a Borg plot.
%%
Political Correctness is an excuse for a lack of intelligence.
%%
Political Correctness is a refuge for refuse.
%%
Political correctness isn't.
%%
Political Correctness: The 90s version of "Holier than thou".
%%
Political Correctness = Thought Police
%%
Political disaster -- see: Hillary Clinton's health plan
%%
Political economy: two words that should be divorced on grounds
of incompatibility.
 -- The Wall Street Journal
%%
Political incorrectness on drive C: - (A)bort (R)etry (P)ersecute?
%%
Political joke -- see: Bill Clinton's foreign policy
%%
Political language. . . is designed to make lies sound truthful and
murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure
wind.
 -- George Orwell
%%
Politically correct, gender neutral pronoun - s/h/it.
%%
Politically correct?  I'm not even ANATOMICALLY correct!
%%
Politically Correct: Intolerant of tolerance.
%%
Politically correct is a contradiction in terms.
%%
Politically Correct:  Marketing term for mind control.
%%
Politically correct means you continue to display the bumper sticker
after your candidate or proposition has lost the election.
%%
Politically correct=Politically controlled!
%%
Politically correct term for Zombies:  Living Impaired.
%%
Politically Correct Thinking is...THE NEW FASCISM!
%%
Politically Incorrect -- and damn proud of it!
%%
Politically-incorrect T-Shirt idea: What part of "AWW C'MON, PLEASE?" don't you
 understand?
 -- Roger Crew
%%
Political New Math: |(Republican Party) - (Democratic Party)| = $.05
%%
POLITICAL NEWS
Margaret Thatcher has been awarded The Order of Merit. This means that
she will no longer be known as "That fascist bitch-cow Thatcher" but
instead as "That fascist bitch-cow Lady Thatcher".
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia.
%%
Political Power attracts the corruptable.
%%
Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
 -- Mao Zedong, "Quotations from Chairman Mao", 1966
%%
Political power is as permanent as today's newspaper. Ten years from now,
few will know or care who the most powerful man in any state was today.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Political Promises - oxymorons believed in by Democrats.
%%
Political Promises - oxymorons believed in by Liberals
%%
 POLITICAL SCIENCE:  There is a red telephone on the desk beside
 you.  Start World War III.  Report on its socio-political effects, if
 any.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Political speeches are like steer horns.
A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.
 -- Alfred E. Newman
%%
Political system's like an airplane: needs left & right wings to fly!
%%
Political truth is libel; religious truth, blasphemy.
 -- William Hazlitt (1778-1830)
%%
Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
 all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
%%
Politician: A fellow who'll lay down your life for his country.
%%
Politician: Breeding form of lawers.
%%
Politician:Honesty as Darkness:Light
%%
POLITICIAN, n.  An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the
superstructure of organized society is reared.  When we wriggles he
mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being
alive.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Politician, n.:
   From the Greek "poly" ("many") and the French "tete" ("head" or
"face," as in "tete-a-tete": head to head or face to face).  Hence
"polytetien", a person of two or more faces.
 -- Martin Pitt
%%
Politicians always lie when their lips move.
%%
Politicians are ambidextrous pickpockets.
%%
Politicians are like banana's:
  They go in green;
  Come out yellow;
  And are always bent.
%%
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and
for the same reason.
%%
Politicians are like polkas - different names but sound the same.
%%
Politicians are like ships - noisiest when lost in a fog.
%%
Politicians aren't born, they are excreted.
 -- Cicero
%%
Politicians aren't crooks - just "ethically challenged".
%%
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the
tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
 -- John Quinton
%%
Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
 -- Nikita S. Khrushchev (1894-1971)
%%
Politicians cut red tape....LENGTHWISE
%%
POLITICIANS do it, but they stay in too long and make you pay for
it afterwards.
%%
Politicians do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.
%%
Politicians do it on the back bench.
%%
Politicians do it on the floors of Congress.
%%
Politicians do it to everybody.
%%
Politicians do it to make the Headlines.
%%
Politicians: lawyers who don't inhale.
%%
Politicians neither love nor hate.  Interest, not sentiment, directs
them.
 -- Fourth Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
%%
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
 -- William W. Hughes
%%
Politicians profit by confusing theories with conditions.
%%
Politicians say the other guy did it...
%%
Politicians say they're beefing up our economy.
Most don't know beef from pork.
 -- Harold Lowman
%%
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns
 and detective stories.
 -- Arthur C Clarke
%%
Politicians who support sanctions should have to take
in the refugees--it's only fair.
%%
Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get reelected;
those who propose structural changes to prevent problems get early retirement.
 -- John McClaughry
%%
Politicians will always inflate when given the opportunity.
 -- Kamin's Law
%%
Politicians work for us.  Don't forget!  Don't let them forget!
%%
Politics ain't worrying this country one-tenth as much as
where to find a parking space.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Politics and music are too important to leave to professionals.
 -- Michelle Shocked
%%
Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war, you can only be killed once.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Politics are usually the executive expression of human
immaturity.
 -- Vera Brittain
%%
Politics are very much like war. We may even have to use poison gas at times.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has
always been the systematic organization of hatreds.
 -- Henry Brooks Adams
%%
Politics consists of deals and ideals.
%%
Politics has reached the level where we're goin' some if we can even get
 good, efficient people to vote, to say nothin' of runnin' for office.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Politics is a nice name for something which otherwise would be called the
 law of the jungle.
%%
Politics is applesauce.
 -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
%%
Politics is for the moment.  An equation is for eternity.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Politics is nothing more than medicine on a grand scale.
%%
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing
between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Politics isn't about ethics.  It's about power and survival.
%%
Politics isn't too bad a profession.  If you succeed, there are many
rewards.  If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is
thought necessary.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.  I have come
 to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Politics [is] the art of achieving the maximum amount of freedom for
individuals that is consistent with the maintenance of social order.
 -- Barry Goldwater
%%
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or
not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
 -- Ernest Benn
%%
Politics is the art of making it sound
as if Father Christmas comes earlier in the year.
%%
Politics is the art of preventing people from sticking their noses
in things that are properly their business.
 -- Paul Valery
%%
Politics is the art of the possible.
%%
Politics is the doctrine of the possible, the attainable.
 -- Otto von Bismark (1815-1898)
%%
Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
%%
Politics is the most promising of all careers.
%%
Politics is the science of who gets what, when, and why.
 -- Sidney Hillman (1887-1946)
%%
Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.
 -- Mao Zedong, "Quotations from Chairman Mao", 1966
%%
Politics is what happens to democracy when not enough people care.
%%
Politics, like religion,
hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Politics makes strange bedfellows.
%%
Politics, n.  A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of
principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Politics: n. from Greek; "poli"-many; "tics"-ugly, bloodsucking parasites.
%%
politics, n:  From the Latin 'poly', meaning many, and 'tic', meaning
little bloodsucking insects.
%%
Politics, n. pl.
 A means of livelihood affected by the more degraded portion of our
 criminal classes.
%%
Politics: Passing the buck or passing the doe.
%%
Politics permits a LOT more idiocy than science does.
%%
Politics shouldn't be so political.
%%
Politics: The glad hand and the marble heart.
%%
Politics? They're parrot parasites, right?
%%
:Politics:

Vaguely left of center, except for the strong libertarian contingent
which rejects conventional left-right politics entirely.  The only safe
generalization is that hackers tend to be rather anti-authoritarian;
thus, both conventional conservatism and `hard' leftism are rare.
Hackers are far more likely than most non-hackers to either (a) be
aggressively apolitical or (b) entertain peculiar or idiosyncratic
political ideas and actually try to live by them day-to-day.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Politics: When one makes a decision that involves others.
%%
Politics: Where right is wrong.
%%
Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned
people.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
Polluting New Jersey... like who's gonna notice?
%%
Pollution is so bad that when I put air in my tires two of them died.
 -- Lee Tully
%%
:poll: v.,n. 1. [techspeak] The action of checking the status of an
   input line, sensor, or memory location to see if a particular
   external event has been registered.  2. To repeatedly call or check
   with someone: "I keep polling him, but he's not answering his
   phone; he must be swapped out."  3. To ask.  "Lunch?  I poll for
   a takeout order daily."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Polly doesn't want a damn cracker. Polly wants a beer!
%%
Pollytheism (n.), The belief that God is a parrot.
%%
Pol. What do you read, my lord?
Ham. Words, words, words.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Polygamy: An endeavour to get more out of life than there is in it.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
POLYGAMY, n.  A house of atonement, or expiatory chapel, fitted with
several stools of repentance, as distinguished from monogamy, which
has but one.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Polygon:  A missing parrot.
%%
:polygon pusher: n. A chip designer who spends most of his or her
   time at the physical layout level (which requires drawing
   *lots* of multi-colored polygons).  Also `rectangle
   slinger'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Polymer Chemists do it in chains.
%%
Polymer:  Many mers.  (Compare MONOMERS).
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Polymer physicists are into chains.
%%
Polymorphing your dog probably makes you safer.
%%
Polynesia (n.)  loss of memory in parrots
%%
polyurine
(paw-lee-yer-in) n.: liquid found in the bottom of kitchen garbage can
whenever the bag is removed.
%%
Pompey bade Sylla recollect that more worshipped the rising than the
setting sun.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Pompey
%%
:POM: /P-O-M/ n. Common abbreviation for {phase of the moon}.  Usage:
   usually in the phrase `POM-dependent', which means {flaky}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pomposity is its own reward.
%%
Pom, said Pooh. I put that in to make it more hummy.
%%
Pontiac:       Poor old ni**er thinks it's a Cadillac
%%
Pontiac        Poor old nut thinks it's a Cadillac
%%
Pontius Pilate & Bill Clinton: each tried washing blood from his hands.
%%
Pontius Pilate was the first great censor, and Jesus Christ the first
great victim of censorship.
 -- Ben Lindsay
%%
Poodles `N Noodles
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
--- POOF!! ---
%%
Pooh! said Piglet as the bear exploded.
%%
Pooh sat enthralled by the ((((HYPNOTIC))))((((TAGLINE)))
%%
Pooh, will you always remember me, even when I'm a hundred? asked
Christopher Robin.
Pooh thought for a minute.  How old will I be then?
Christopher Robin thought for a moment. Ninety-nine.
%%
Pool cleaners do it wet.
%%
Poop can be a pleasant word.
%%
``POO-POO HAPPENS!''
 -- Baby carriage bumper sticker  (Bob Irwin)
%%
Poo poo occurs.
%%
Poo poo occurs, on several occasions.
%%
Poor and content is rich and rich enough.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Poor android, who's behavior do you find more perplexing? Human or Kling
on?
At the moment, I would find it difficult to choose.
 -- K'Ehleyr and Data, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Poor Buoyancy:
 The realization that one was a better person when one had less money.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Poor dear, there's nothing between his ears.
 -- Margaret Thatcher,
 -- about Ronald Reagan, in the 6/2/88 issue of The New York Times
%%
"Poor deer," quoth he, "thou makest a testament
As worldlings do, giving thy sum of more
To that which had too much."
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Poor Dimitri Shostakovich: In the Soviet Union, he was condemned as being too
radical; in the West, for being too conservative. He could please no one but
the musical public. He revenged himself on both by writing a short piece
called "March of the Soviet Police."
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Poor eyes limit your sight, poor vision limits your deeds.
%%
Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.
 -- Madonna
%%
Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master...
 -- Leonardo da Vinci
%%
Poor man, he just stands and stares at a yellow flower
for minutes at a time. He would be far better off
with something to do.
 -- Charles Darwin's gardener
%%
Poor man... he was like an employee to me.
 -- The police commissioner on Sledge Hammer laments the death of his bodyguard
%%
Poor naked wretches, wheresoe'er you are,
That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm,
How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides,
Your looped and windowed raggedness, defend you
From seasons such as these?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Poorochondria:
 Hypochondria derived form not having medical insurance.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Poor pensioner on the bounties of an hour.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 67
%%
Poor Tom is cold. Pity poor Tom, for his nose is frozen, and he doth
  shiver, and...is maaaddddd!!!!!
Oh, shut up.
 -- Tom the Beggar and Edmund : Money
%%
Poor Tom 's a-cold.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Pope Goes to Mount Olive. Popeye damn near kills him.
%%
Pope John Paul would be more popular if he called himself Pope John Paul George
 and Ringo.
 -- Paul Krassner
%%
Popes do it in the woods.
%%
pop gun / cap gun.
%%
POPI: Punch OPerator Immediate
%%
:POPJ: /pop'J/ [from a {PDP-10} return-from-subroutine
   instruction] n.,v. To return from a digression.  By verb doubling,
   "Popj, popj" means roughly "Now let's see, where were we?"
   See {RTI}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
POPN: Punch OPerator's Nose
%%
Pop On My Mirrored Shades ... Better To See
%%
:pop: /pop/ [from the operation that removes the top of a stack,
   and the fact that procedure return addresses are usually saved on
   the stack] (also capitalized `POP') 1. vt. To remove something from
   a {stack} or {pdl}.  If a person says he/she has popped
   something from his stack, that means he/she has finally finished
   working on it and can now remove it from the list of things hanging
   overhead.  2. When a discussion gets to a level of detail so deep
   that the main point of the discussion is being lost, someone will
   shout "Pop!", meaning "Get back up to a higher level!"  The
   shout is frequently accompanied by an upthrust arm with a finger
   pointing to the ceiling.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
POP: Pop Or Push
%%
Poppycock: the thing that mummy needs to create you.
%%
POPs+OOPs+C==C++
%%
Popular consensus says that reality is based on popular consensus.
%%
Popularity comes from allowing yourself to be bored by people while
pretending to enjoy it.
 -- Karol Newlin
%%
Popular opinion is the greatest lie in the world.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
Popular politics means noise, and what intelligence needs is calm.
At times, through a painful imposition of Providence, Dante is in exile,
Cervantes in prison; Beethoven is deaf and Milton is blind.

It was in the golden solitude of a farm in the outskirts of Rome that
Horace could write his "Odes" and Virgil his "Aeneid," never in a
Parliamentary seat.
 -- Felipe Torroba Bernaldo de Quiros
%%
 Population density is inversely proportional
  to the square of the distance from the keg.
 -- Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics
%%
Population, when unchecked, increases in a geometrical ratio....
Subsistence only increases in an arithmetical ratio.
 -- Thomas Robert Malthus (1766-1834)
%%
POPULIST, n.  A fossil patriot of the early agricultural period, found
in the old red soapstone underlying Kansas; characterized by an
uncommon spread of ear, which some naturalists contend gave him the
power of flight, though Professors Morse and Whitney, pursuing
independent lines of thought, have ingeniously pointed out that had he
possessed it he would have gone elsewhere.  In the picturesque speech
of his period, some fragments of which have come down to us, he was
known as "The Matter with Kansas."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Populus vult decipi.  [The people like to be deceived.]
%%
PO: Punch Operator
%%
Porky Pig ... our favorite ham!
%%
Porn-again Christians rise to the occasion!
%%
Pornography = art. Or is it sexual harassment?
%%
Pornography is in the groin of the beholder.
%%
Pornography? We don't even have a pornograph!
%%
Pornography, when once purchased, contains the fruitful seeds of complete
 boredom.
%%
Porridge:  oat cuisine.
%%
Porsche: Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine
%%
Porsche: Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine
%%
Porsche: Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough
%%
Porsche: Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions
%%
Porsche. There simply is no substitute.
 -- Risky Business
%%
Port 1 error.........
%%
PORTABLE, adj.  Exposed to a mutable ownership through vicissitudes of
possession.

    His light estate, if neither he did make it
    Nor yet its former guardian forsake it,
    Is portable improperly, I take it.
                                                        Worgum Slupsky
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot.
%%
Portable - When referring to hardware: Has a handle and weighs less than 100
pounds. But note that most portable computers require an electrical outlet.
When referring to software: takes a team of 10 expert programmers no more
than a year to convert. The Unix system is a portable operating system in
this sense.
%%
PORTE-KOCHERE - Sacramental wine.
%%
Portions of the preceding were recorded.
As for the rest, I quite fear that it was all in your mind.
%%
Portions of this message have been pre-recorded.
%%
Portland - Land of liquid sunshine !
%%
Portmapper not responding; giving up.
%%
Portmapper not responding; still trying.
%%
PORTUGUESE, n.pl.  A species of geese indigenous to Portugal.  They
are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed
with garlic.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
poscimur non dicere sed bibere - we are called upon not to speak, but to
  drink
%%
POSH MORTEM - Death styles of the rich and famous.
%%
Positive, adj.:
       Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Positive feedback is dangerous.
%%
Positively NO TAGS ALLOWED HERE!!!!!
%%
Positive Odin.
 -- Charles Cranleigh, BLACK ORCHID
%%
Positive Reinforcement: Wade Ago
%%
POSITIVISM, n.  A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and
affirms our ignorance of the Apparent.  Its longest exponent is Comte,
its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Positivity: have you had your plus sign today?
%%
Possession diminishes perception of value, immediately.
%%
Possession in Great Measure.
Supreme success.
%%
Possession isn't nine tenths of the law, it IS the law!
(This is not from ST:DS9 (?), but it does work for the current!)
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #94
%%
Possession, n. The whole of the law.
%%
Possessions create pain.
%%
Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.
 -- Ryan's Application of Parkinson's Law
%%
Possibility, a malfunction in their engines, sir?
Breaks my heart.
 -- Data and Geordi about the Ferengi, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
Possible DOS Disk.
%%
Possible existence of a parallel universe has been scientifically
  conceded.
 -- Spock, "The Alternative Factor," stardate 3088.7.
%%
Possibly the greatest threat to those who want to believe that everything
 in the Bible is true was advanced by an individual standing in wading boots
 in cool water up to his hind end, in fact, who revealed that most of the
 early witnesses to all that Jesus said and did were fishermen!
%%
Possibly the ultimate irony is that perfection is usually achieved by
 accident rather than by design.
%%
`Possum Puree
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Postal service
 -- Oxymoron
%%
:postcardware: n. {Shareware} that borders on {freeware}, in
   that the author requests only that satisfied users send a postcard
   of their home town or something.  (This practice, silly as it might
   seem, serves to remind users that they are otherwise getting
   something for nothing, and may also be psychologically related to
   real estate `sales' in which $1 changes hands just to keep the
   transaction from being a gift.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Posted by one whose mind isn't twisted, but sprained
%%
POSTERITY, n.  An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a
popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure
competitor.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Posterity will ne'er survey
A nobler grave than this;
Here lie the bones of Castlereagh;
Stop, traveler, and piss.
 -- Lord Byron, on Lord Castlereagh
%%
:posting: n. Noun corresp. to v. {post} (but note that
   {post} can be nouned).  Distinguished from a `letter' or ordinary
   {email} message by the fact that it is broadcast rather than
   point-to-point.  It is not clear whether messages sent to a small
   mailing list are postings or email; perhaps the best dividing line
   is that if you don't know the names of all the potential
   recipients, it is a posting.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Posting to alt.flame has nothing to do with writing flames.
 -- Patricia O Tuama (rissa@attctc.Dallas.TX.US)
%%
:postmaster: n. The email contact and maintenance person at a site
   connected to the Internet or UUCPNET.  Often, but not always, the
   same as the {admin}.  The Internet standard for electronic mail
   ({RFC}-822) requires each machine to have a `postmaster' address;
   usually it is aliased to this person.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
POSTMEN are first class males
%%
POSTMEN come slower.
%%
Postmen do it at the front entrance.
%%
Post no bulletins  Post no bulletins  Post no
%%
POST OFFICE WORKERS do it overnight, guaranteed for $8.90
%%
Postoperative:  Letter carrier...
%%
Post Piece of a Cake - Get Peanuts in Return!
%%
Post proelium, praemium.  [After the battle, the reward.]
%%
:PostScript:: n. A Page Description Language ({PDL}), based on
   work originally done by John Gaffney at Evans and Sutherland in
   1976, evolving through `JaM' (`John and Martin', Martin Newell) at
   {XEROX PARC}, and finally implemented in its current form by
   John Warnock et al. after he and Chuck Geschke founded Adobe
   Systems Incorporated in 1982.  PostScript gets its leverage by
   using a full programming language, rather than a series of
   low-level escape sequences, to describe an image to be printed on a
   laser printer or other output device (in this it parallels
   {EMACS}, which exploited a similar insight about editing
   tasks).  It is also noteworthy for implementing on-the fly
   rasterization, from Bezier curve descriptions, of high-quality
   fonts at low (e.g.  300 dpi) resolution (it was formerly believed
   that hand-tuned bitmap fonts were required for this task).  Hackers
   consider PostScript to be among the most elegant hacks of all time,
   and the combination of technical merits and widespread availability
   has made PostScript the language of choice for graphical
   output.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Postscript,..Prescript,..what's the difference?
%%
Postscript: The only thing of interest in some letters.
%%
Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later.
%%
POST-TEST: A test made too late.
%%
:post: v. To send a message to a {mailing list} or {newsgroup}.
   Distinguished in context from `mail'; one might ask, for
   example: "Are you going to post the patch or mail it to known
   users?"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
POTABLE, n.  Suitable for drinking.  Water is said to be potable;
indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find
it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as
thirst, for which it is a medicine.  Upon nothing has so great and
diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all
countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of
substitutes for water.  To hold that this general aversion to that
liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be
unscientific -- and without science we are as the snakes and toads.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Potations pottle-deep.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Potato?
...No thanks, I don't.
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Potato
%%
Potato Salad Special - $1.59 Today only!
%%
Potehtow, poetaeto, poltatoe, putaetow, potato, potatow, poetaeto, po
%%
Potholes in the Information Superhighway.
%%
Potty Mouth!  Potty Mouth!
%%
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on the earth.
%%
:pound on: vt. Syn. {bang on}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pour a beer in your hand and get your date drunk.
%%
Pour beer into your SmartModem and make your Baud Wiser!
%%
Pour ceux qui ne comprennent pas l'anglais,
la phrase suivante n'a pas de sens.
For those who do not understand french,
the preceding sentence is meaningless.
%%
Pouring homebrew down the sink...THAT's alcohol abuse!
%%
Pour the full tide of eloquence along, Serenely pure, and yet divinely strong.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
Pour the sweet milk of concord into hell,
Uproar the universal peace, confound
All unity on earth.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Poverty: An unhappy state that persists as long as anyone lacks anything he
would like to have.
%%
Poverty begins at home.
%%
Poverty is an anomaly to rich people.  It is very difficult to make
out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell.
 -- Walter Bagehot (1826-1877)
%%
Poverty is inconvenient, try to avoid it.
%%
Poverty is no disgrace to a man, but it is confoundedly inconvenient.
 -- Rev. Sydney Smith
%%
Poverty is the mother of crime.
 -- Magnus Aurelius Cassiodorus (490-575)
%%
Poverty Jet Set:
 A group of people given to chronic traveling at the expense of
long-term job stability or a permanent residence. Tend to have doomed
and extremely expensive phone-call relationships with people named
Serge or Ilyana. Tend to discuss frequent-flyer programs at parties.
%%
Poverty Lurks:
Financial paranoia instilled in offspring by depression-era parents.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Poverty makes people satirical- soberly, sadly bitterly satirical.
 -- Friswell
%%
POVERTY, n.  A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform.  The
number of plans for its abolition equals that of the reformers who
suffer from it, plus that of the philosophers who know nothing about
it.  Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues
and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a
prosperity where they believe these to be unknown.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Poverty wants some things, luxury many, avarice all things.
 -- Abraham Cowley
%%
POV VERSION 3.0 HAS NOT BEEN RELEASED YET! DON'T ASK!!
%%
Powder milk - Has your family tried 'em?
%%
POW - don't it just grow on you!
%%
Power, after love, is the first source of happiness.
 -- Stendhal
%%
Power always has to be kept in check; power exercised in secret,
especially under the cloak of national security, is doubly dangerous.
 -- William Proxmire
%%
Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Power buries those who wield it.
 -- The Talmud (Yoma, 86 b.)
%%
Power concedes nothing without a demand.  It never did, and it never
will.  Find out just what people will submit to, and you have found out
the exact amount of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them;
and these will continue till they have resisted with either words or
blows, or with both.  The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the
endurance of those whom they suppress.
 -- Frederick Douglass (1817-1895)
%%
Power corrupts - absolute power is even more fun.
%%
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
 -- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
%%
Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.
%%
Power corrupts, but we still need electricity.
 -- D.W. Jones
%%
Power corrupts--isn't that what it's for?
%%
:power cycle: vt. (also, `cycle power' or just `cycle') To
   power off a machine and then power it on immediately, with the
   intention of clearing some kind of {hung} or {gronk}ed
   state.  Syn. {120 reset}; see also {Big Red Switch}.  Compare
   {Vulcan nerve pinch}, {bounce} (sense 4), and {boot}, and
   see the AI Koan in "{A Selection of AI Koans}" (in
   {Appendix A}) about Tom Knight and the novice.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Power does not corrupt.  Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power.
 -- John Steinbeck
%%
Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position
of power, corrupt power.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Powerful - Hard to learn, dangerous to use.
%%
Powerful indeed is the empire of habit.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 305
%%
:power hit: n. A spike or drop-out in the electricity supplying
   your machine; a power {glitch}.  These can cause crashes and
   even permanent damage to your machine(s).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Power in the toes.
Continuing brings misfortune.
This is certainly true.
%%
Power is always dangerous. Power attracts the worst and corrupts the best.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Power is an illusion; only stupidity is real.
%%
Power is danger.
 -- The Centurion, "Balance of Terror," stardate 1709.2.
%%
Power is gained by withholding.
%%
Power is measured by the pound or the fist.
%%
Power is not an ability.
%%
Power is poison.
%%
Power is sweet; it is a drug, the desire for which increases with a
habit.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Power is the finest token of affection.
%%
Power, like a desolating pestilence,
Pollustes whate'er it touches...
 -- Percy Bysshe Shelley
%%
Power, like the diamond, dazzles the beholder, and also the wearer;
it dignifies
meanness; to what is contemptible, it gives authority; to what is low,
exaltation.
%%
Power means having to respond.
%%
Power means not having to respond.
%%
Power Mist:
   The tendency of hierarchies in office environments to be
diffuse and preclude crisp articulation.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Power must never be trusted without a check.
 -- John Adams
%%
Power never takes a backstep - only in the face of more power.
 -- Malcolm X
%%
Power, n: The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
%%
PowerPC is 'just' a single chip version of the RS/6000 POWER CPU...
%%
PowerQWK rules.. it's simply the best..
%%
Power shows intimacy as a reward.
%%
Power thanks; nothing more clearly separates the powerful from the powerless
than that graciousness.
%%
Power users - call 1-900-PENTIUM for a real thrill.
%%
POW - Lets you use YOUR Taglines from the word go!
%%
POW Maintenance release out NOW!  POW103.ZIP
%%
POW: "Pwitty Obwious Weelly" said Wabbit!
%%
POW: the Perfectly Obvious Way to read your mail!
%%
   POZZO:  He used to dance the farandole, the fling, the brawl, the jig,
      the fandango and even the hornpipe.  He capered.  For joy.  Now
      that's the best he can do.  Do you know what he calls it?
ESTRAGON:  The Scapegoat's Agony.
VLADIMIR:  The Hard Stool.
   POZZO:  The Net.  He thinks he's entangled in a net.

 -- Samuel Beckett, _Waiting for Godot_
%%
PPA - Piss Poor Attitude
%%
PPA: Print Paper Airplanes
%%
PPC: Purge Pascal Compiler [HP 3000]
%%
PPL: Perform Perpetual Loop
%%
:PPN: /P-P-N/, /pip'n/ [from `Project-Programmer Number'] n. A
   user-ID under {{TOPS-10}} and its various mutant progeny at SAIL,
   BBN, CompuServe, and elsewhere.  Old-time hackers from the PDP-10
   era sometimes use this to refer to user IDs on other systems as
   well.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PPP: Print Programmer's Picture
%%
PPRB -- Pillage, plunder, rape and burn.
%%
PPR: Play Punk Rock
%%
PPSW: Pack Program Status Word
%%
P$*!: Punch Obscenity
%%
Practical logic
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Practically everyone but myself is a pusillanimous son of a bitch.
 -- George S. Patton, Letter to Col. Codman, 1945.
%%
Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.
 -- Mary Poppins
%%
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time
for dreaming.
 -- J. P. McEvoy
%%
Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.
 -- Henry Adams
%%
Practical - Testing Level 0 Communications Protocol
Equipment: - 2 tin cans
           - 1 piece of string
 -- Computer Communications and Networks Prac
%%
Practice Acts of Random Kindness and Senseless Beauty.
%%
Practice does not make perfect;
perfect practice makes perfect.
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
Practice good mirth control -- use a conundrum.
%%
Practice in time becomes second nature.
%%
Practice is the best of all instructors.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 439
%%
Practice random acts of stupidity, become a feminizt.
%%
Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.
%%
Practice random hickies and senseless acts of biting.
%%
Practice safe algebra...use brackets!
%%
Practice safe computing, wear a write protect tab.
%%
Practice "safe" document processing.
Use Latex.
%%
Practice safe fax....use a cover sheet.
%%
Practice safe government. Use Kingdoms.
%%
Practice safe government---use kingdoms.
 Anarchist reply:  Abstinence is the only way to be 100 percent sure.
%%
Practice Safe Hex -- BackUp Your Hard Drive . . .
%%
Practice safe hex: Use plastic keyboard covers!
%%
Practice Safe Sin.
%%
Practice yourself what you preach.
 -- Titus Maccius Plautus (254?-184 B.C.)
%%
Practise safe computing! Wear a write protect tab!
%%
Practise wearing a dress or skirt rather than jeans.  It'll be far more
comfortable in the end.  Give up on conventional underwear.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Practise yourself, for heaven's sake, in little things; and thence
proceed to greater.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xviii
%%
Practiss makes perfict.
%%
Pragmatism should never be confused with moderation.
%%
Prais'd be the fathomless universe, for life and joy, and for objects and
 knowledge curious.
 -- Walt Whitman
%%
Praise does wonders for the sense of hearing.
%%
Praise enough
To fill the ambition of a private man,
That Chatham's language was his mother tongue.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 235
%%
Praise from a friend, or censure from a foe,
Are lost on hearers that our merits know.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book x, Line 293
%%
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him, all creatures here below!
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host!
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!
 -- Thomas Ken (1637-1711)
 -- Morning and Evening Hymn
%%
Praise God from whom all puppies and kitties flow.
%%
Praise is like champagne; it should be served while it is still
bubbling.
%%
Praise is like gold - its value is derived from its scarcity.
%%
Praise, praise, PRAISE!
%%
Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition!
%%
Praise the Lord, for He is worthy to be praised!
%%
Praise the loud for they shall inherit the stage.
%%
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto, "In God is our trust!"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
 -- Francis Scott Key (1779-1843)
 -- The Star-Spangled Banner
%%
Praise the sea, but keep on land.
 -- George Herbert
%%
Praise the sea; on shore remain.
 -- John Florio
%%
Praise undeserv'd is scandal in disguise.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 413
%%
Praise was originally a pension, paid by the world.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Praise: what you receive when you are no longer alive.
%%
Praise Ye the Lord!!
%%
Praising what is lost
Makes the remembrance dear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Prancy, that's not YOUR mouse!
%%
Pray.
%%
Pray as if everything depended on God, and work as if everything
depended upon man.
 -- Francis J. Spellman (1889-1967)
%%
Pray, but row for shore.
%%
Prayer ardent opens heaven.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night viii, Line 721
%%
Prayer carries us half way to God, fasting brings us to the door of his
place, and alms-giving procures us admission.
 -- The Koran
%%
Prayer is not asking. it is a longing of the soul.
 -- Mohandas Gandhi
%%
Prayer is the burden of a sigh,
  The falling of a tear,
The upward glancing of an eye
  When none but God is near.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- What is Prayer?
%%
Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,
  Uttered or unexpressed,--
The motion of a hidden fire
  That trembles in the breast.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- What is Prayer?
%%
Prayers are always answered.  The answer is usually no.
%%
Prayers For Children: Cindy Skool
%%
Pray for a computer crash.  It won't be ready in time.
%%
Pray for Bill Clinton. America needs all the help we can get.
%%
Pray for great things, but above all, Pray!
%%
Pray for President Clinton (Psalm 109:8)
%%
Pray for Ted Turner, he's in need!!
%%
Pray for the success of atheism.
%%
Pray for Windows 3.1  May God be merciful to us...
%%
Pray for your Assistant Scoutmasters....They need the help.
%%
Praying will frighten Demons.
%%
Pray to God and say the lines.
 -- Bette Davis
%%
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
 -- Russian Proverb
%%
PRAY, v.  To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf
of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pray you now, forget and forgive.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
PREACHER EXPLODES DURING SERMON
%%
Preacher to me: "A dollar for the Lord, brother?" Me to preacher: "That's all
right, I'm headed his way. I'll give it to him when I see him."
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Preaching to Hell's Angels: Pastor Redlight
%%
PRE-ADAMITE, n.  One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory
race of antedated Creation and lived under conditions not easily
conceived.  Melsius believed them to have inhabited "the Void" and to
have been something intermediate between fishes and birds.  Little its
known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and
theologians with a controversy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Preamble: Warm-up before a walk.
 -- Ray Hand
%%
:precedence lossage: /pre's*-dens los'*j/ [C programmers] n.
   Coding error in an expression due to unexpected grouping of
   arithmetic or logical operators by the compiler.  Used esp. of
   certain common coding errors in C due to the nonintuitively low
   precedence levels of `&', `|', `^', `<<',
   and `>>' (for this reason, experienced C programmers
   deliberately forget the language's {baroque} precedence
   hierarchy and parenthesize defensively).  Can always be avoided by
   suitable use of parentheses.  {LISP} fans enjoy pointing out
   that this can't happen in *their* favorite language, which
   eschews precedence entirely, requiring one to use explicit
   parentheses everywhere.  See {aliasing bug}, {memory leak},
   {memory smash}, {smash the stack}, {fandango on core},
   {overrun screw}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PRECEDENT, n.  In Law, a previous decision, rule or practice which, in
the absence of a definite statute, has whatever force and authority a
Judge may choose to give it, thereby greatly simplifying his task of
doing as he pleases.  As there are precedents for everything, he has
only to ignore those that make against his interest and accentuate
those in the line of his desire.  Invention of the precedent elevates
the trial-at-law from the low estate of a fortuitous ordeal to the
noble attitude of a dirigible arbitrament.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Precinct toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on...
%%
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxvi, 15
%%
PRECIPITATE, adj.  Anteprandial.

    Precipitate in all, this sinner
    Took action first, and then his dinner.
                                                              Judibras
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Precision? What precision?
%%
Preconception: a lock on the door of wisdom.
%%
PREDESTINATION, n.  The doctrine that all things occur according to
programme.  This doctrine should not be confused with that of
foreordination, which means that all things are programmed, but does
not affirm their occurrence, that being only an implication from other
doctrines by which this is entailed.  The difference is great enough
to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore.
With the distinction of the two doctrines kept well in mind, and a
reverent belief in both, one may hope to escape perdition if spared.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Predestination was doomed to failure from the start.
%%
PREDICAMENT, n.  The wage of consistency.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
    Predicting the future, as we all know, is risky.
Predicting the evolution of new technology is downright
hazardous.
 -- Leon Cooper
%%
Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril!
%%
PREDICTION: You are reading messages right now.
%%
PREDILECTION, n.  The preparatory stage of disillusion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Preen goeth before a flap.
%%
PRE-EXISTENCE, n.  An unnoted factor in creation.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PREFERENCE, n.  A sentiment, or frame of mind, induced by the
erroneous belief that one thing is better than another.
    An ancient philosopher, expounding his conviction that life is no
better than death, was asked by a disciple why, then, he did not die.
"Because," he replied, "death is no better than life."
    It is longer.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pregnancy begins with a single sell.
%%
Pregnancy is hell. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or on drugs.
%%
Pregnancy -- the worst sexually transmitted disease of them all.
%%
PregNet: Undergoing rapid expansion!
%%
PREHISTORIC, adj.  Belonging to an early period and a museum.
Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.

    He lived in a period prehistoric,
    When all was absurd and phantasmagoric.
    Born later, when Clio, celestial recorded,
    Set down great events in succession and order,
    He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous
    In anything here but the lies that she threw at us.
                                                         Orpheus Bowen
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Prejudice is the child of ignorance.
%%
Prejudice is the reason of fools.
 Voltaire.
%%
Prejudice is very human.
 -- Data, "Encounter at Farpoint,"  stardate 41153.7.
%%
PREJUDICE, n.  A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PRELATE, n.  A church officer having a superior degree of holiness and
a fat preferment.  One of Heaven's aristocracy.  A gentleman of God.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Prelims:  (From L. pre [before] + limbo [oblivion])  An
   obligatory ritual practiced by graduate students
   just before the granting of a Ph.D. (if the gods are
   appeased) or an M.S. (if they aren't).
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
PREMATURE EJACULATOR:
 Troubled shooter.
%%
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
 -- D. E. Knuth
%%
Premature withdrawal may lead to loss of interest.
%%
Prenuptial agreement: An "I do" with an asterisk.
%%
Preparation for war is a constant stimulus to suspicion and ill will.
 -- President James Monroe (1758-1831)
%%
Preparation H: Kiss your hemmoroids goodbye.
%%
Preparation is a prerequisite to inspiration.
 -- Matthew Cowley
%%
Preparation, knowledge, and discipline can deal with any form of danger.
 -- Tom Clancy, "THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER", 1984
%%
 Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05.  Counting
 down to test:  5...  4...  3...  2...  1...
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
Prepare for the future--read science fiction.
%%
Prepare for tomorrow -- get ready.
 -- Edith Keeler, "The City On the Edge of Forever,"
       stardate unknown
%%
Prepare ship for light speed!
%%
Prepare the Wave Motion Gun!
%%
PrepArE To Be IncompRehenSibly GarBled. - bSCUTI Of borG
%%
Prepare to die, EARTH SCUM!
%%
Prepare to meet thy GOD! (Evening dress optional)
%%
Prepare To Meet Your Maker: Eva DeStruction
%%
Prepare to surge to sub-light speed.............EN-GAGE!
%%
Preparing for a blind date and wanting to cover all bases, guy buys a new
 packet of condoms from the chemist for the date. Guess who the blind date
 turns out to be? The woman who served him in the chemist shop!
%%
Preparing Leather: Tanya Hyde
%%
Preparing, preparing! Why are you always preparing?  Just go!
%%
:prepend: /pree`pend'/ [by analogy with `append'] vt. To
   prefix.  As with `append' (but not `prefix' or `suffix' as a
   verb), the direct object is always the thing being added and not
   the original word (or character string, or whatever).  "If you
   prepend a semicolon to the line, the translation routine will pass
   it through unaltered."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Preponderance of the Great.
The ridgepole sags to the breaking point.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
Success.
%%
Preponderance of the Small. Success.
Perseverance furthers.
Small things may be done; great things should not be done.
The flying bird brings the message.
It is not well to strive upward,
It is well to remain below.
Great good fortune.
%%
Preposterous, adj.  The idea that murder is a crime.
%%
PREROGATIVE, n.  A sovereign's right to do wrong.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PRESBYTERIAN, n.  One who holds the conviction that the government
authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PRESBYTERIANS do it decently and in order
%%
PRESCRIPTION, n.  A physician's guess at what will best prolong the
situation with least harm to the patient.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PRESENTABLE, adj.  Hideously appareled after the manner of the time
and place.
    In Boorioboola-Gha a man is presentable on occasions of ceremony
if he have his abdomen painted a bright blue and wear a cow's tail; in
New York he may, if it please him, omit the paint, but after sunset he
must wear two tails made of the wool of a sheep and dyed black.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Presenting reports -
  No mater how good and detailed a report is, if it has any spelling
    mistakes it will be instantly rejected. Senior managers don't read
    reports, but just check the spelling, grammar and arithmetic. If all
  these are acceptable then there will be a strong chance that they
    will agree with the findings - simply because they look good.
%%
PRESENT, n.  That part of eternity dividing the domain of
disappointment from the realm of hope.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Present wrist for one slap, please, Bob.....
%%
Preserve the old, but know the new.
%%
Preserve the wild open spaces.
%%
Preserve Wildlife... pickle a Moderator!
%%
Preserve wildlife... pickle a rat.
%%
Preserve Wildlife! Pickle a squirrel today!
%%
Preserve Wildlife! Throw a party today!
%%
Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Preserving the sweetness of proportion and expressing itself beyond expression.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- The Masque of Hymen
%%
PRESHRUNK: A garment that will fit the baby at least a week.
%%
PRESIDENCY, n.  The greased pig in the field game of American
politics.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
President Clinton and Bill.
%%
President Clinton called. Please call her back ASAP.
%%
President Clinton: Proof that character matters!
%%
President Clinton: The face on the $3.00 bill.
%%
President George Bush, fully aware of the fact that Pearl Harbor Day is
 September 7th, is hanging his sock on the mantle for the Easter Bunny!
%%
President Gerald Ford was an Eagle Scout.
%%
President Jerry Ford's last words as President.."I bumped my head on what?"
%%
President John Quincy Adams owned a pet alligator which he kept in
the East Room of the White House.
%%
President Nixon:
Who's f%*king going to know
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
PRESIDENT, n.  The leading figure in a small group of men of whom --
and of whom only -- it is positively known that immense numbers of
their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

    If that's an honor surely 'tis a greater
    To have been a simple and undamned spectator.
    Behold in me a man of mark and note
    Whom no elector e'er denied a vote! --
    An undiscredited, unhooted gent
    Who might, for all we know, be President
    By acclimation.  Cheer, ye varlets, cheer --
    I'm passing with a wide and open ear!
                                                        Jonathan Fomry
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
President of the Nat'l. Water Gun Association, Wayne La Perrier.
%%
President? President? We don't need no stinking president.
%%
President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic pundits and
 forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
%%
President Skroob... SALUTE!
%%
President Taft got stuck in his bath-tub on innaguration day and had
to be pried out by his attendants.
%%
President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of
the vote.  In
a democracy, that's not called quitting.
 -- The Washington Post
%%
PRESIDE, v.  To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable
result.  In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, "He
presided at the piccolo."

    The Headliner, holding the copy in hand,
        Read with a solemn face:
    "The music was very uncommonly grand --
            The best that was every provided,
            For our townsman Brown presided
        At the organ with skill and grace."
    The Headliner discontinued to read,
        And, spread the paper down
    On the desk, he dashed in at the top of the screed:
        "Great playing by President Brown."
                                                         Orpheus Bowen
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Press [Alt-A] to Adopt Me!  I need a better home.
%%
Press [Alt-H] for temporary Sysop access.
%%
Press [ALT-H] to continue.
%%
Press [Alt-H] to get improved transmission quality.
%%
Press any key - EXCEPT THAT ONE!!!
%%
Press any key...NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT [NO CARRIER]
%%
Press any key to continue, and any other key to format hard drive.
%%
Press any key to continue | <click> | Except that one...
%%
Press any key to continue...except that...not that either...try again!
%%
Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.
%%
Press any key to continue......Where's the ANY key????
%%
Press any key to dis-continue! %^&$^$@#
%%
Press any key to exit or any other key to continue.
%%
Press any key to get your money back.
%%
Press any key to start formatting the hard disk.
%%
Press any key with a big rock to continue.
%%
Press conferences during the Reagan administration were quite expensive. It
 was difficult getting that helicopter into the building, so that all the
 President had to do was wave and utter gibberish which no one could
 understand.
%%
Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] for SysOp access.
%%
Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to continue.
%%
Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] To Continue Reading.
%%
Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to see the next tagline.
%%
Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to store all new data.
%%
Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to take IQ test.
%%
Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to use computer effectively.
%%
Press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[LeftShift]-[F9]-[DEL]-[INS] to continue.
%%
Press [CTRL][ALT][SHIFT][TAB][ENTER] and click here [] to continue.
%%
Press [CTRL]+[ALT]+[TAB]+[F10]+[LeftShift]+[P] to obtain Power User Status !
%%
Press [CTRL][Amiga][Amiga] to continue.
%%
Press [CTRL][TAB][ESC] to abort.
%%
Pressed for rules and verities,
 All I recollect are these:
 Feed a cold and starve a fever.
 Argue with no true believer.
 Think too-long is never-act.
 Scratch a myth and find a fact.
 -- Phyllis McGinley
%%
Press [ENTER] for yes or [RETURN] for no.
%%
Press [ENTER] once to quit or twice to save changes.
%%
Press [ENTER] to begin self destruct sequence...
%%
Press ENTER to go on to the next button.
%%
Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode.
%%
Press [ESC] to enter or [ENTER] to escape...
%%
Press every key to continue...
%%
Press F1 for help, F2 for more...
%%
Press F1 to Reboot
%%
Press [FREUD] to format sex drive.
%%
Pressing [ENTER] will load a tag line file from below.
%%
Press not a falling man too far!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Press on a small rodent's head to obtain file <ROTFL<
%%
Press [RESET] to continue
%%
Press the button, my friend, send me back into time.
%%
Press the <STOP< key now...
%%
Press "+" to see another tagline.
%%
Press "+++" to see a picture of the Sender!
%%
Press "-" to see feminizt tagline.
%%
Pressure is the normal force acting upon an engineer.
%%
Pressure's up, but there's a slow leak somewhere.
%%
Press [Z] for a special surprise.........(click)
%%
:prestidigitization: /pres`t*-di`j*-ti:-zay'sh*n/ n. 1. The act
   of putting something into digital notation via sleight of hand.
   2. Data entry through legerdemain.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Preston: "I believe you'll find everything ship-shape, Admiral." Kirk:
"Oh do you?  Do you have any idea, Midshipman Preston, how many times
I've  had to listen to Mister Scott on the com telling me his troubles?
 Do you have  any idea the ribbing I've had to endure in the Officer's
Mess to the effect  that the Enterprise is a flying death trap?" Preston:
"Oh no, sir.  Well, this is the finest engine room in the whole  Starfleet!
 If the Admiral can't see the facts for himself, then with all due
 respect, he's as blind as a Tiberian bat..." Scott: [Clears throat]
Preston: "Sir!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Preston: "Is the word given, Admiral?" Kirk: "The word is given. 
Warp speed." Preston: "Aye."  [Dies] Scott: "Oh, why?" Kirk: "He wants
to kill me for passing sentence on him fifteen years ago, and he 
doesn't care who stands between him and his vengeance." McCoy: "I'm
sorry, Scotty." Scott: "He stayed at his post, when the trainees ran."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
PRESUMABLY AT LONGER TIME
I didn't take time to found out
 -- Research definitions
%%
Presume to lay their hand upon the ark
Of her magnificent and awful cause.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Line 231
%%
Pretend to spank me, baby -- I'm a pseudomasochist!
%%
Pretend to spank me--I'm a pseudo-masochist
%%
PRE-TEST: A test made too early.
%%
PrettyBird,PrettyBird .. StupidHuman,StupidHuman
%%
Pretty! in amber to observe the forms
Of hairs, or straws, or dirt, or grubs, or worms!
The things, we know, are neither rich nor rare,
But wonder how the devil they got there.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 169
%%
Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done
by children.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
Pretty much the only people who ice-climb
 are a handful of maladjusted geeks.
 -- Yvon Chouinard
%%
:pretty pictures: n. [scientific computation] The next step up from
   {numbers}.  Interesting graphical output from a program that may
   not have any sensible relationship to the system the program is
   intended to model.  Good for showing to {management}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:prettyprint: /prit'ee-print/ (alt. `pretty-print') v. 1. To
   generate `pretty' human-readable output from a {hairy}
   internal representation; esp. used for the process of
   {grind}ing (sense 1) program code, and most esp. for LISP code.
   2. To format in some particularly slick and nontrivial way.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pretty soon little girl, I'm going to take charge.
%%
Pretty starry out tonight
%%
Prevalent beliefs that knowledge can be tapped from previous
incarnations or from a "universal mind" (the repository of all past
wisdom and creativity) not only are implausible but also unfairly
demean the stunning achievements of individual human brains.
 -- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Consciousness:
 -- Implications for Psi Phenomena", The Skeptical Inquirer,
 -- Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 163-171
%%
PREVARICATOR, n.  A liar in the caterpillar estate.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Prevent computer viruses. Install Trojans!
%%
Prevent Drowning: Buddy System
%%
Preventing baldness is simple. just knot your hair from the inside.
%%
Prevention is better than cure.
%%
Prevention of birth is precipitation of murder.
 -- Tertullian (180?-230?)
%%
Preventive maintenance is man's only weapon against entropy.
%%
PREVENT MIND DECAY - READ BOOKS
%%
Prevent noise pollution. Gag a Flamer!
%%
Prevent security leaks.
%%
Price does not include taxes, title, destination charges, or dealer
prep.
%%
PRICE, n.  Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of
conscience in demanding it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
 -- Proverbs 16:18
%%
Pride invites calamity; humility reaps its harvest.
%%
Pride is what we have.  Vanity is what others have.
%%
Pride makes us esteem ourselves; vanity makes us desire the esteem
of others. It
is just to day, as Dean Swift has done, that a man is too proud to be vain.
 -- Blair
%%
Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Priest:  "May the Lord have mercy on your soul."
Verdoux: "Why not?  After all, it belongs to Him."
 -- Charles Chaplin, "Monsieur Verdoux"
%%
PRIESTS do it faithfully with Masses.
%%
Priests do it heavenly.
%%
Priests will walk you to the gas chamber--while telling you to read the
 Bible, which says, "Thou shalt not kill." That's a little weird.
 -- Murray Roman
%%
PRIMATE, n.  The head of a church, especially a State church supported
by involuntary contributions.  The Primate of England is the
Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies
Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead.  He is
commonly dead.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PRIME DIRECTIVE, MY A**! Phasers on maximum!
%%
[Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves
to see him work.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
[Prime Minister MacDonald] has the gift of compressing
the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Prime Time         : Any hour of the day divisible by 1 and itself.
%%
:prime time: [from TV programming] n. Normal high-usage hours on a
   timesharing system; the day shift.  Avoidance of prime time was
   traditionally given as a major reason for {night mode} hacking.
   The rise of the personal workstation has rendered this term, along
   with timesharing itself, almost obsolete.  The hackish tendency to
   late-night {hacking run}s has changed not a bit.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Prime-time TV is the opiate of the masses.
%%
... primitive structure [Scotty].  Insufficient safeguards built in.
  Breakdown can occur from many causes.  Self-maintenance systems low
  reliability.
 -- Nomad, "The Changeling," stardate 3541.9.
%%
Primordial soup for dinner again?
%%
Primrose, first-born child of Ver,
Merry springtime's harbinger.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Two Noble Kinsmen, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Primum Non Nocere [first thing, do not hurt]
%%
Prince Andrew's T-shirt: "Wanna See the Royal Jewels?"
%%
Prince Charles and Lady Di did it royally.
%%
Prince Charles does it in succession.
%%
Prince George is shy, and just _pretends_ to be bluff and crass,
  and unbelievably thick and gittish.
 -- Edmund to Amy : Amy and Amiability
%%
Prince Hamlet thought Uncle a traitor
For having it off with his Mater;
Revenge Dad or not?
That's the gist of the plot,
And he did -- nine soliloquies later.
 -- Stanley J. Sharpless
%%
PRINCE:    He's come to rescue me, father.
LAUNCELOT: (embarrassed) Well, let's not jump to conclusions ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Princes are like to heavenly bodies, which cause good or evil times,
and which have much veneration but no rest.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Empire
%%
Princesses don't do dishes or take out garbage.
%%
Princess in training.
%%
Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart.
Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco.
It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.
 -- Prof. J. H. Finley '25
%%
Principle is ever my motto, not expediency.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book ii, Chap. ii
%%
Principle of Conservation of Ignorance:
A false notion once arrived at is not easily dislodged.
 -- Georg Cantor
%%
Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Printer - An electromechanical paper-shredding device.
%%
Printers always die on page 999 of a 1000 page report!!!
%%
Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.
%%
Printers reproduce the fastest.
%%
print (fatal error): directory 'tmp/copies' not writeable
Please notify system administrator.
%%
printf("Hello world
");
 -- C Error #012
%%
printf("This is a tagline..."); printf("
[ ] This is your brain.");
%%
printf("to C or not to C...that is the question.\n");
%%
:printing discussion: [XEROX PARC] n. A protracted, low-level,
   time-consuming, generally pointless discussion of something only
   peripherally interesting to all.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Print is the sharpest and the strongest weapon of our party.
 -- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953), Speech, 19 April 1923
%%
Printout:
A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Print partial results to trace the execution of a program and find errors.
%%
Priority: A statement of the importance of a user or a program.  Often
 expressed as a relative priority, indicating that the user doesn't care
 when the work is completed so long as he is treated less badly than
 someone else.
%%
:priority interrupt: [from the hardware term] n. Describes any
   stimulus compelling enough to yank one right out of {hack mode}.
   Classically used to describe being dragged away by an {SO} for
   immediate sex, but may also refer to more mundane interruptions
   such as a fire alarm going off in the near vicinity.  Also called
   an {NMI} (non-maskable interrupt), especially in PC-land.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Prior Laws of Politics: 1) Pay your dues. 2) Attend the meetings.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
%%
Priscian! a little scratched, 't will serve.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Prisoners
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 02
%%
Prisoners of hope.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Zechariah ix, 12
%%
PRISON, n.  A place of punishments and rewards.  The poet assures us
that --

    "Stone walls do not a prison make,"
but a combination of the stone wall, the political parasite and the
moral instructor is no garden of sweets.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Prisons are built with stones of Law, Brothels with bricks of Religion.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
Prisons are places people go to in a pinch.
%%
Private and secret offices of religion are like the refreshing of
a garden with the distilling and pretty drops of a water pot; but,
addressed from the temple, are like rain from heaven.
 -- Jeremy Taylor
%%
Private Baldrick here is obviously a bit of an impressionist.
  ...The only decent impression _he_ can do is of a man with no talent.
 -- George and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Private enterprise, indeed, became too private.  It became privileged
enterprise, not private enterprise.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
Private enterprise ... makes OK private action which would be considered
dishonest in public action.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
Private Joke Center of the known universe.
%%
PRIVATE, n.  A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his
knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Private, what is the time?
We didn't receive any messages...and Captain Blackadder definitely
  did not shoot this delicious plump-breasted pigeon, sir.
...Do you want to be cremated, Baldrick, or buried at sea?
 -- Melchett, Baldrick and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
Prizes are for children.
 -- Charles Ives, [upon being given, but refusing, the Pulitzer prize]
%%
Prize that which is best in the universe; and this is that which useth
everything and ordereth everything.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, v, 21
%%
PRM: PRint Money
%%
Pro-abortionists: people trying to end lives.
%%
Pro-abortionists: their "rights" imposed on a baby's life.
%%
Pro-abortionists think "choice" is spelled 'Supreme Court opinion'!
%%
Probability factor of one to one... we have normality, I repeat we have
normality.  Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Probability is a constant.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Probability of failure of a component, assembly, subsystem or system
is inversely proportional to ease of repair or replacement.
%%
Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities.
%%
Probable non-DOS dis######### NO CARRIER
%%
Probable-Possible, my black hen, She lays eggs in the Relative When.
She doesn't
lay eggs in the Positive Now Because she's unable to postulate how.
 Frederick Winsor
%%
Probably all the organic beings which have ever lived on this earth have
descended from some one primordial form, into which live was first
breathed... There is granduer in this view of life ... that, whilst this
planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from
so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful
have been and are being, evolved.
 -- Charles Darwin (1809-1882)
%%
Probably no invention came more easily to man than when he thought up heaven.
 -- G. C. Lichtenberg
%%
Probably no nation is rich enough to pay for both war and education.
%%
Probably one of the greatest tests of self-control is expertise in the
 ability to perform a task, while watching someone do what you can do so
 well, in the wrong way, with predictably disasterous results, and not say
 anything.
%%
Probably the best operating system in the world is the [operating system]
 made for the PDP-11 by Bell Laboratories.
 -- Ted Nelson, October 1977
%%
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking
 surface attached to the end of a long stick.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have
orgasms? The answer is yes, the have orgasms almost constantly, which
is why they don't mind living in pools of warm slime.
 -- Dave Barry
 -- Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should know
%%
Probably the worst thing about being Jewish during Christmastime is
 shopping in stores, because the lines are so long. They should have a
 Jewish express line: "Look, I'm a Jew, it's not a gift. It's just paper
 towels!"
 -- Sue Kolinsky
%%
Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal,
 trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Pro basketball players are so tall that some few of them don't have to
 stand on their tiptoes to see over their wallets.
%%
PROBATE LAWYERS do it willingly
%%
PROBLEM DRINKER:
      A man who never buys.
%%
Problem: My #VARIABLE# doesn't want to.
%%
Problems are only opportunities in disguise.
 -- Albert North Whitehead
%%
Problems are the price of progress.
%%
Problems? "Cherchez la femme."
%%
Problems don't go away by themselves. Customers do.
%%
Problems? No, I LIKE my foot there.
%%
Problem solving process:  =============================
             +-----------|| Does the Darn Thing work? ||-----------+
             V      YES   =============================   NO       V
        +----------+     +---------+                          +---------+
        |   Don't  |  NO |   Does  |       +-------+     YES  | Did you |
        |   mess   | +---|  anyone |<------|  YOU  |<---------|   mess  |
        | with it! | |   |  know?  |-+     | MORON |          | with it |
        +----------+ V   +---------+ |     +-------+          +---------+
             |    +------+      YES  +----+                        |
             |    | HIDE |                V                        V  NO
             |    |  IT  |          +------------+           +-----------+
             |    +------+          | YOU POOR   |      YES  | WILL THEY |
             |       |       +----->| BASTARD!   |<----------| CATCH YOU?|
             |       |       |      +-----|------+           +-----|-----+
             |       |       |            V                        V  NO
             |       |       |      +---------------+        +-----------+
             |       |       |  NO  | CAN YOU BLAME |        |DESTROY THE|
             |       |       +------| SOMEONE ELSE? |        |  EVIDENCE |
             |       |              +------|--------+        +-----------+
             |       |                     V  YES                  |
             |       |      ============================           |
             |       +---->||           N O            ||<---------+
             +------------>||      P R O B L E M       ||
                            ============================
%%
Problems! Problems! If only too much MONEY was a problem!
%%
Problems which have arisen from the use of computers. The computers use of lot
of electricity - well more than a filing cabinet.
%%
Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.
 -- Pat Hein
%%
Problem with the government? Blame Reagan/Bush!
 -- Liberal Rule # 8
%%
PROBOSCIS, n.  The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him
in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him.
For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
    Asked how he knew that an elephant was going on a journey, the
illustrious Jo. Miller cast a reproachful look upon his tormentor, and
answered, absently:  "When it is ajar," and threw himself from a high
promontory into the sea.  Thus perished in his pride the most famous
humorist of antiquity, leaving to mankind a heritage of woe!  No
successor worthy of the title has appeared, though Mr. Edward bok, of
_The Ladies' Home Journal_, is much respected for the purity and
sweetness of his personal character.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Proboscis Waving in the Breeze
%%
PRO BOZO PUBLICO - Support your local clown.
%%
Procastinator:  A fishing expert, gifted at casting lures...
%%
Procastinator's Club may meet next week.
%%
Procatstinate:  When a cat can't decide to go out or stay inside.
%%
Procedures devised to implement the purpose won't quite work.
 -- Chisholm, Third Law, Corollary 3
%%
Proceed with Caution - Twisted Mind Under Construction!
%%
Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
%%
Pro: Children ask better questions than do adults. "May I have a cookie?"
 "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to
 elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" "Why haven't you
 called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"

 Con: Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections,
 children tend to be sticky. One can only assume that this has something to
 do with not smoking enough.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Pro Choice!
%%
Pro-Choice: Everyone should choose Eternal Life!
%%
Pro-Choice: If your mom aborted you, where would you be today?
%%
Pro-Choice is OK, but it depends on when you choose.
%%
Pro-Choice is really Anti-Choice when birth is involved.
%%
Pro-Choice! Murder a baby to keep America safe!
%%
Pro-Choicer: Heart-beat? Brain-waves?? Well...it's still not a baby.
%%
Pro-Choice? So why doesn't the baby get one?
%%
Pro-Choice? That's a lie...babies never choose to die!
%%
Pro-Choice? What choice did the dead baby have?
%%
Proclaim liberty throughout the land until all the inhabitants thereof.
 -- Leviticus 25:10
%%
Proclaim not all thou knowest, all thou owest, all thou hast, nor all thou
 can'st.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Proclaim yourself "World Champ" of something- tiddly-winks, rope-jumping,
whatever- send this notice to newspapers, radio, TV, and wait for
challengers to confront you. Avoid challenges as long as possible,
but continue to send news of your achievements to all media. Also,
develop a newsletter and letterhead for communications.
 -- Will Yolen
%%
Procrastinate now!
%%
Procrastination Anonymous Meeting - Tomorrow
%%
Procrastination avoids boredom;
one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
It may eliminate the job if the need passes
before the job can be done.
 -- Second Law of Procrastination
%%
Procrastination Day Has Been Postponed!
%%
Procrastination day is tomorrow, or the next day!
%%
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
 -- Donald Marquis (1878-1937)
%%
Procrastination is the only thing I can seem to find time for.
%%
Procrastination is the thief of time.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 393
%%
Procrastination is the thief of time.
 -- John Dos Pasos
%%
Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Procrastination shortens the job and places the
responsibility for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who
imposed the deadline).
 -- First Law of Procrastination
%%
Procrastination: What I plan on if I ever find time.
%%
Procrastination will rule one day, O.K. ?
%%
Procrastinators' Club 1978 annual meeting postponed - again.
%%
Procrastinators do it later.
%%
Procrastinators don't die, they keep putn' it off!
%%
PROCRASTINATORS will do it tomorrow.
%%
Procrastinators will do it when they get around to it.
%%
Proctologists do it in the end.
%%
Proctologists do it with a finger up where the sun don't shine.
%%
Proctology made simple: Hugh Janus
%%
Prodigal - Wasteful. Worthless. Prodigy - Hmmm!
%%
Prodigy says:  All the world is a stage.<dat<
%%
Prodigy: The EDLIN of on line services
%%
Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no
training.  And there's no reason for it.  So what if I didn't attend the
Royal Academy for twelve years?  I'm still a professional trying to be
the best actress I can.  Why doesn't anyone send me the scripts that
Faye Dunaway gets?
 -- Farrah Fawcett-Majors
%%
Producing a system from a specification is like walking
on water--it's easier if it's frozen.
%%
product:  a water bird who is on your side.
%%
Production is the basis of morale.
%%
Production is the only answer to inflation.
%%
 "Productive Complaining" by Belle E. Akin
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Productivity = (Number of secretaries X Average typing speed) / (Number
of Scientists).  Note that when the number of scientists is zero,
productivity becomes infinite.
 -- Robert Sommer
%%
Productivity = <# of scientists> / <# of administrators>
%%
Profanity is the one language that all programmers know the syntax of.
 -- Troutman's Programming Postulate #6
%%
Professional ballerinas use about twelve pairs of toe shoes per week.
%%
Professional mail reader on closed modem. Do not attempt.
%%
Professional Nuisance for Hire--name a target, name a
place, I'm there
%%
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #07
%%
Professional wrestling:  ballet for the common man.
%%
Professional wrestling is for people who like comic books, but can't
handle word balloons.
%%
Professor: A textbook wired for sound.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Professor Irwin Schwartz was on his way to give a lecture based on his
 latest book, "Mind over matter", when his car failed to negotiate a curve,
 plummeted over the embankment, rolled end to end across the boulders, and
 finally burst into flames.
%%
Professor Plum: "What are you afraid of? A fate worse than death?"
Mrs Peacock: "No, just death."
 -- _Clue_
%%
Professors do it by the book.
%%
PROFESSORS do it from a grant
%%
Professors do it with class.
%%
PROFESSORS don't do it; they leave it as an exercise for their students.
%%
Professors forget to do it.
%%
:profile: n. 1. A control file for a program, esp. a text file
   automatically read from each user's home directory and intended to
   be easily modified by the user in order to customize the program's
   behavior.  Used to avoid {hardcoded} choices (see also {dot
   file}, {rc file}).  2. [techspeak] A report on the amounts of
   time spent in each routine of a program, used to find and {tune}
   away the {hot spot}s in it.  This sense is often verbed.  Some
   profiling modes report units other than time (such as call counts)
   and/or report at granularities other than per-routine, but the idea
   is similar.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Profits go to the profit minded.
%%
PROFIT?  What an anti-socialist idea...
%%
Prof. McCarthy does it with a LISP.
%%
Prof: Some people have proposed using Krypton gas in scintillator detectors.
 Grad Student: Won't that scare away the superstrings?
%%
Progasm: the feeling you get when your code works the first time.
%%
:proglet: /prog'let/ [UK] n. A short extempore program
   written to meet an immediate, transient need.  Often written in
   BASIC, rarely more than a dozen lines long, and containing no
   subroutines.  The largest amount of code that can be written off
   the top of one's head, that does not need any editing, and that
   runs correctly the first time (this amount varies significantly
   according to one's skill and the language one is using).  Compare
   {toy program}, {noddy}, {one-liner wars}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Program:  Any assignment that cannot be completed with one telephone call.
 -- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
PROGRAM:
Any task that can't be completed in one telephone call or one
 day. Once a task is defined as a program ("training program,"
 "sales program," or "marketing program"), its implementation
  always justifies hiring at least three more people.
%%
PROGRAM - A random collection of Bugs
%%
Programer halted - Brain upgrade being installed!
%%
Program error:  Unable to read user's mind!
%%
Program in disorder - perhaps you'd better Quit
%%
Program in hieroglyphics, the original GUI.
%%
Program Initialization Error 1432.
%%
Programme: a program written in British.
%%
Programme: a program written in French.
%%
Programmer: a person with a natural sense of algorithm.
%%
Programmer (n): One who makes the lies the salesman told come true.
%%
Programmer on Computer.
%%
Programmer
 one who is too lacking in people skills
 to be a software engineer
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Programmer:
Red eyed mumbling mammal, capable of communicating with inanimate objects.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
Programmers are expensive.  Hardware is cheap.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Programmers assemble!
%%
Programmers can't support child processes.
%%
:Programmer's Cheer: "Shift to the left!  Shift to the right!  Pop
   up, push down!  Byte!  Byte!  Byte!"  A joke so old it has hair on
   it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Programmers "C" it differently!
%%
Programmers CYCLE forever, until you make them EXIT.
%%
Programmers do it all night.
%%
Programmers do it at 19200 bps.
%%
Programmers do it bit by bit!
%%
Programmers do it bottom-up.
%%
Programmers do it by pushing and popping.
%%
Programmers do it depth-first.
%%
Programmers do it full-duplex.
%%
Programmers do it in an endless loop!!
%%
Programmers do it in $Hex.
%%
Programmers do it in higher levels.
%%
PROGRAMMERS do it in iteration.
%%
Programmers do it in loops.
%%
Programmers do it in many languages.
%%
Programmers do it in software
%%
Programmers do it in Turbo!
%%
Programmers do it logically!
%%
Programmers do it on command.
%%
Programmers do it right the first time!
%%
Programmers do it routinely.
%%
Programmers do it top down.
%%
Programmers do it until it goes down.
%%
Programmers do it when the computer's down.
%%
Programmers do it with a Hard Drive!
%%
Programmers do it with algo-rithyms!
%%
Programmers do it with bugs.
%%
Programmers do it with numbers!
%%
Programmers do it with objects
%%
Programmers do it with stepwise refinement.
%%
Programmers do it with their fingers.
%%
Programmers do it with their write protect on.
%%
Programmers do it with Unix.
%%
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
%%
Programmers don't get sniffles, they get a CODE.
%%
Programmers don't repeat themselves, they LOOP
%%
Programmers get overlaid!
%%
Programmers give more input/output!
%%
Programmers have a higher baud rate!
%%
PROGRAMMERS have: Bigger disks
%%
Programmers have random access memory!
%%
Programmers love dual floppies!
%%
Programmers love their tools!
%%
Programmers need more input/output!
%%
Programmers of the world unite; you have nothing to use but your brains!
%%
PROGRAMMERS peek before they poke
%%
Programmers repeat it until done.
%%
Programmers stick to the BASICs!
%%
Programmers take bigger Bytes!
%%
Programmers used to batch environments may find it hard to live
without giant listings; we would find it hard to use them.
 -- D. M. Ritchie
%%
Programmers Use Extended Memory!
%%
Programmers will do it all night, but only if you are debugged.
%%
Programming by Monte Carlo methods is frowned upon.
%%
Programming _can_ be fun.
%%
Programming contest: Wheel Of FORTRAN
%%
Programming Department: Hazardous Waste!
%%
Programming department: Mistakes made while you wait.
%%
Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will
 take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.
%%
:programming fluid: n. 1. Coffee.  2. Cola.  3. Any caffeinacious
   stimulant.  Many hackers consider these essential for those
   all-night hacking runs.  See {unleaded}, {wirewater}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
Programming in C means never having to say you're done...
%%
Programming is 90% debugging, the other half troubleshooting.
%%
Programming is an endless race between the software engineer, who seeks to
design increasingly idiot-proof code, and the Universe, which strives to
produce even bigger idiots.
%%
Programming is an unnatural act.
%%
Programming is done in code ?  No wonder it is so cryptic.
%%
Programming is like sex: 1 mistake and you support it for life.
%%
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied
mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure
mathematicians.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
Programming is the only art form that fights back.
%%
Programming: It's not a job, it's an adventure!
%%
Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
%%
Programming - like building a castle with toothpicks
%%
:programming: n. 1. The art of debugging a blank sheet of paper (or,
   in these days of on-line editing, the art of debugging an empty
   file).  2. A pastime similar to banging one's head against a
   wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.  3. The most fun
   you can have with your clothes on (although clothes are not
   mandatory).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Programming: The art of debugging a blank sheet of paper.
%%
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to
 build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying
 to produce bigger and better idiots.  So far, the Universe is winning.
 -- Rich Cook
%%
:program: n. 1. A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to
   turn one's input into error messages.  2. An exercise in
   experimental epistemology.  3. A form of art, ostensibly intended
   for the instruction of computers, which is nevertheless almost
   inevitably a failure if other programmers can't understand it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PROGRAM (n.) - organized sequence of counteracting errors
%%
Program not executed.  Execute user instead?  (Y)es (N)o (H)elp!
%%
PROGRAM n. used to turn valid data into error messages
%%
Programs are just people in disguise.
%%
Programs are like poetry.
%%
Programs do it in loops.
%%
Programs get overlaid, why can't I?
%%
Programs. Ones w/bugs & ones w/hidden bugs.
%%
Programs: Those things you used to look at on your television before
you hooked your computer up to it.
%%
Program structures reflect programmers mind structures.
%%
Programs
 what software used to be, back when we knew how to write it
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Program to load Windows: "Here piggy-piggy-piggy-piggy!"
%%
Program too small to fit into memory.
%%
Program - what commercials try to do to us.
%%
Progress at best consists of replacing errors with more subtle errors.
%%
Progress does not consist in replacing a theory that is
wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a
theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.
 -- Hawkin's Theory of Progress
%%
Progress doesn't enlighten people - it just makes them stupid in new ways.
%%
Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness...
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952), "The Life of Reason"
%%
Progressing, but in sorrow.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Then one obtains happiness from one's ancestress.
%%
Progressing, but turning back.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
If one meets with no confidence, one should remain calm.
No mistake.
%%
Progress is a comfortable disease.
 -- E. E. Cummings
 -- One times one
%%
Progress is a nice word.  But change is its motivator and change has its
enemies.
 -- Robert Francis Kennedy (1925-1968)
%%
Progress is an illusion.
%%
Progress is impossible without change, and those who
cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Progress is like a wheelbarrow - if you don't keep pushing it stops.
%%
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
 Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
 -- Weinberg's First Law
%%
Progress is marvelous. In former days, you could dial a wrong number
 locally. Now, thanks to progress, you can dial a wrong number all over the
 world.
%%
Progress is our most important problem.
%%
Progress is
The law of life: man is not Man as yet.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Paracelsus, Part v
%%
Progress is what people who are planning to do something really terrible
 almost always justify themselves on the grounds of.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
Progressive Conservative
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Progress like a hamster.
Perseverance brings danger.
%%
Progress, man's distinctive mark alone,
Not God's, and not the beasts: God is, they are;
Man partly is, and wholly hopes to be.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Death in the Desert
%%
PROGRESS:
Medieval man thought disease was caused by invisible demons
invading the body and taking possession of it.

Modern man knows disease is caused by microscopic bacteria
and viruses invading the body and causing it to malfunction.
%%
Progress might be a circle, rather than a straight line.
 -- Eberhard Zeidler, in "Contemporary Architects", 1980
%%
Progress might have been alright once, but it's gone on too long.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Progress results from unpopular positions.
%%
Progress results when you mix persistence with purpose.
%%
Progress. The powerful prince
Is honored with horses in large numbers.
In a single day he is granted audience three times.
%%
Progress would be wonderful if only someone could find a way to shut if off
 for awhile!
%%
Prohibition is an awful flop.
We like it.
It can't stop what it's meant to stop.
We like it.
It's left a trail of graft and slime
It don't prohibit worth a dime
It's filled our land with vice and crime,
Nevertheless, we're for it.
 -- Franklin P. Adams, 1931, (newspaperman)
 -- in the New York World,
 -- following release of the report of the Wickersham Commission
%%
Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places
and does not cure or even diminish it.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance.  It is a
species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of
reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation,
and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes.  A Prohibition law
strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was
founded.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865),
 -- speech in the Illinois House of Representatives, 18 Dec 1840
%%
Pro is to Con as Progress is to Congress.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Projectee - Who is in front of screen as movie starts.
%%
PROJECTILE, n.  The final arbiter in international disputes.  Formerly
these disputes were settled by physical contact of the disputants,
with such simple arguments as the rudimentary logic of the times could
supply -- the sword, the spear, and so forth.  With the growth of
prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into
favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous.  Its
capital defect is that it requires personal attendance at the point of
propulsion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Projecting empaths--You gotta feel sorry for them
%%
Projectionist: A reel to reel player.
%%
Project management
 the art of always knowing how badly you're doing your work and
 how late you're doing it
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Projects progress quickly until they become 90%
  complete, then they remain at 90% complete forever.
 -- Laws of Project Management #2
%%
Projects promoting programming in "natural language" are intrinsicly
doomed to fail.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
Project teams detest weekly progress report meetings because they display lack
of progress.
 -- Golub's Fifth Law of Computerdom
%%
Project: To determine what makes things tick.
 Plan:
         ....to stop the ticking.
%%
Proletarian revolutions are notably ineffective when the ruling class is
composed of gods.
%%
Proletarians of all countries... Sorry !
 -- Karl Marx
%%
Pro-life? Fine. GET one, and stay out of mine!
%%
Pro-Lifers insist on labouring over a misconception.
%%
PROLOG PROGRAMMERS are a cut above the rest
%%
Prologues like compliments are loss of time;
'T is penning bows and making legs in rhyme.
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- Prologue to Crisp's Tragedy of Virginia
%%
Promiscuity, controlled substances, & annepestic tempo.
%%
Promiscuous hackers share resources.
%%
Promise a lot and give even more.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Promise is most given when the least is said.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Musaeus of Hero and Leander
%%
Promises and pie crust are made to be broken
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.
%%
Promise yourself to live your life as a revolution and not just a
process of evolution.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Promising career in law ahead: Two weeks jury duty.
%%
Promising costs nothing, it's the delivering that kills you.
%%
Promote Crime Control. ARM THE VICTIMS!
%%
Promotional literature overflow.  Mailbox full.
 -- WindowError: 00A
%%
Promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxxv, 6
%%
PROMOTION FROM WITHIN:
A system of moving incompetents up to the
policy-making level where they can't foul up operations.
%%
PROMOTION:
    New title, new salary, new office, same old crap.
%%
Prompt $h$h$h$h$h$h$h$h
%%
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
%%
PRO:  Never worrying about what you can hit on the highway.
CON:  Not being able to have other people worry about what you throw on
      the highway.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No 1'st day of school.
CON:  No last day of school.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more 50 below zero winters.
CON:  Not seeing people freeze to death in the streets.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more bad trips.
CON:  No more smoking the ganja.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more beat parties.
CON:  No more wild parties.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more being sick or unhappy.
CON:  Not being able to get out of things you don't want to do because
      you are sick or unhappy.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more broken hands when someone steps on it with cleats.
CON:  No more sports (like football with your friends, etc.)
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more butthole skatboarders.
CON:  Not being able to clothesline em.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more car insurance, and car to take care of.
CON:  No more running over innocent pedestrians.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more cleaning up your room.
CON:  No more finding that $20 bill that you lost under all that shit on
      the floor.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more enemies
CON:  No more friends.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more fights with your girlfriend.
CON:  No more meat when you want it.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more getting chased by people because you just broke their
      picture window with an iceball (right chris, rich?)
CON:  No more snow.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more itchy balls.
CON:  No more tight Levis.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more long, irrelevant trips to nowhere.
CON:  No more trips to exotic, far away places.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more losing on your favorite game at your local arcade.
CON:  No more playing your favorite game at your local arcade.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more lung cancer.
CON:  No more butts.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more Mormans, Jews, and any other ethnic or religious group you
      especially hate.
CON:  No more pestering, perturbing, bothering, threatening, terrorizing
      your least favorite group.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more pain.
CON:  No more inflicting pain.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more Ronald Reagan.
CON:  No president to rag on.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more school, books, and teachers dirty looks.
CON:  No more girls, mags, and dirty books!
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more school.
CON:  No more beautiful asses gallivantin down the hall.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more stupid inner city people.
CON:  No more cool local people.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more stupid jokes.
CON:  No more sick jokes.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more stupid T.V. shows like Dallas, Punky Brewster, Face the
      Nation, 10 hour religious shows, Love Boat, and 1000's of others.
CON:  No more cool shows like Miami Vice, Saturday night Live, Simon &
      Simon, the A-Team (sure), Mission Impossible, and a few others.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more sunburn.
CON:  No more sun.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more wasted money on bad brew or stupid concerts.
CON:  No more killer concerts, nor any tailgate parties.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  No more wrapping it around a tree and getting killed (again).
CON:  No more going 105 down the road in the BMW.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not being able to catch AIDS.
CON:  Not being able to laugh at all the sick people.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not experiencing fear.
CON:  Not being able to inflict fear.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not getting burned when you put your hand on the stove.
CON:  Not being able to laugh at other people burning their hands on the
      stove.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not getting caught in the middle of street fights.
CON:  No more street fights.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not getting hit by various objects falling from the sky.
CON:  Not being able to throw rocks and other harmful objects off tall
      buildings in the city.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not getting in trouble for picking on little assholes.
CON:  No more picking on little assholes.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not going to your family picnic.
CON:  No more free money from all your stupid rich bitch relatives.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not having to dress up in a suit and tie.
CON:  Not being able to wear your old levis and favorite shirt.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not having to eat shit food like at Burger King, and other scum
      joints.
CON:  No more shrimp, steak, lobster, Big Mac's, Chicken mc nuggets, and
      other delicacies to eat.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not having to get up from your comfortable lounge chair.
CON:  Not being able to change the T.V. to see that porno flick that
      everyone is raving about.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not having to go christmas shopping.
CON:  Not getting anything in return.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not having to see others bad taste on the same wall.
CON:  Not painting your favorite groups on a large white wall.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not having to talk to the local losers.
CON:  No more friends across the country.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not having to worry about your health.
CON:  Not having your health to worry about.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  Not spending the night in the tank.
CON:  Not being able to cause general mayhem in your neighborhood.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
Pronounce your prepositions, damn it!
%%
Pronto Tonto to Toronto.
%%

proof by accumulated evidence:
   Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.

proof by cosmology:
   The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or
   meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God.

proof by mutual reference:
   In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in
   reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in
   reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in
   reference A.

proof by metaproof:
   A method is given to construct the desired proof. The
   correctness of the method is proved by any of these
   techniques.
 -- How to Prove It, Part 5
%%

proof by cumbersome notation:
   Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special
   symbols.

proof by exhaustion:
   An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.

proof by omission:
   'The reader may easily supply the details'
   'The other 253 cases are analogous'
   '...'
 -- How to Prove It, Part 2
%%

proof by example:
   The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it
   contains most of the ideas of the general proof.

proof by intimidation:
   'Trivial'.

proof by vigorous handwaving:
   Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
 -- How to Prove It, Part 1
%%
proof by forward reference:
   Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author,
   which is often not as forthcoming as at first.

proof by semantic shift:
   Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed
   for the statement of the result.

proof by appeal to intuition:
   Cloud-shaped drawings frequently help here.
 -- How to Prove It, Part 7
%%

proof by obfuscation:
   A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless
   syntactically related statements.

proof by wishful citation:
   The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of
   a theorem from the literature to support his claims.

proof by funding:
   How could three different government agencies be wrong?

proof by eminent authority:
   'I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP-
   complete.'
 -- How to Prove It, Part 3
%%

proof by personal communication:
   'Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete
   [Karp, personal communication].'

proof by reduction to the wrong problem:
   'To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is
   decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.'

proof by reference to inaccessible literature:
   The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found
   in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian
   Philological Society, 1883.

proof by importance:
   A large body of useful consequences all follow from the
   proposition in question.
 -- How to Prove It, Part 4
%%

proof by picture:
   A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well
   with proof by omission.

proof by vehement assertion:
   It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the
   audience.

proof by ghost reference:
   Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in
   the reference given.
 -- How to Prove it, Part 6
%%
Proof left as an exercise for your supervisor.
%%
PROOF, n.  Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of
unlikelihood.  The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to
that of only one.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
PROOF-READER, n.  A malefactor who atones for making your writing
nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Proofreading is more effective after publication.
 -- Barker's Proof
%%
Proofread your work. Do not tolerate mispellings!
%%
Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction.

This technique is used on equations with n in them.     Induction
techniques are very popular, even the military used them.

SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction.

 We know it's true for n equal to 1.   Now assume that it's true
for every natural number less than n.   N is arbitrary, so we can take n
as large as we want.    If n is sufficiently large, the case of n+1 is
trivially equivalent, so the only important n are n less than n.       We
can take n = n (from above), so it's true for n+1 because it's just
about n.
      QED.    (QED translates from the Latin as So what?)
%%
Proof that Bill Gates is the devil.
The real name of the Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he
is known as Bill Gates (III), where III means the order of third (3rd.)
By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values
and adding his (III), you get the following:
B       66
I       73
L       76
L       76
G       71
A       65
T       84
E       69
S       83
I        1
I        1
I        1
--------------
666 !!!
Some might ask, How did Bill Gates get so powerful? Coincidence?
Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement???
%%
Propaganda - A socially correct goose!
%%
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian
state.
 -- Avram Noam Chomsky
%%
Propaganda is to democracy what violence is to totalitarianism.
 -- N. Chomsky
%%
Propaganda must not serve the truth.
%%
propagate - to hold open an passage thru a fence, as with a stick.
%%
:propeller head: n. Used by hackers, this is syn. with {computer
   geek}.  Non-hackers sometimes use it to describe all techies.
   Prob. derives from SF fandom's tradition (originally invented by
   old-time fan Ray Faraday Nelson) of propeller beanies as fannish
   insignia (though nobody actually wears them except as a joke).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Propellers keep pilots cool.  When they stop, pilots sweat!!
%%
Proper attention to Earthly needs of the poor, the depressed and the
downtrodden, would naturally evolve from dynamic, articulate, spirited
awareness of the great goals for Man and the society he conspired to erect.
 -- David Baker, paraphrasing Harold Urey,
 -- The History of Manned Space Flight
%%
Proper ID Required.
%%
Proper little gaoler's pet, aren't we?!?
%%
Proper treatment will cure a cold in seven days,
but left to itself, a cold will hang on for a week.
 -- Darrell Huff
%%
Property Guarded by An Attack Dog Department: You heard it here, first!
 Griggsville police were called to the Shell station to remove a miniature
 female chichuahua for behaving in a "disorderly manner," by refusing to
 allow patrons of the station into the men's toilet. It was surely a
 frightening time for police, I am sure, since these animals have been known
 to kill flies.
%%
Property has its duties as well as its rights.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book ii, Chap. xi
%%
Property has its duties as well as its rights.
 -- Thomas Drummond (1797-1840)
 -- Letter to the Landlord of Tipperary
%%
PROPERTY, n.  Any material thing, having no particular value, that may
be held by A against the cupidity of B.  Whatever gratifies the
passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others.  The
object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Property of: "Confuse-a-Cat Limited"
%%
Property of Honest Abdhul's Sushi Bar and Bait Shop.
%%
Property of the Klingon Rollerball Team
%%
Property of the Sontaran Army Space Corps.
%%
Prophecy is many times the principal cause of the events foretold
 -- Thomas Hobbes
%%
Prophecy is the wit of a fool.
 -- Vladimir Nabokov
%%
PROPHECY, n.  The art and practice of selling one's credibility for
future delivery.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Proportion your expenses to what you have, not what you expect.
 -- English Proverb
%%
Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.
 -- Chisholm's Third Law
%%
Proposed NEW tax will pay the tax on the tax, supposedly.
%%
:proprietary: adj. 1. In {marketroid}-speak, superior; implies a
   product imbued with exclusive magic by the unmatched brilliance of
   the company's own hardware or software designers.  2. In the
   language of hackers and users, inferior; implies a product not
   conforming to open-systems standards, and thus one that puts the
   customer at the mercy of a vendor able to gouge freely on service
   and upgrade charges after the initial sale has locked the customer
   in.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pros are those who do their jobs well even when they don`t feel like it.
%%
Prosecutors will be shoplifted.
%%
Prosecutors will be violated.
%%
Proserpine gathering flowers,
Herself a fairer flower.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 269
%%
PROSPECT, n.  An outlook, usually forbidding.  An expectation, usually
forbidden.

    Blow, blow, ye spicy breezes --
        O'er Ceylon blow your breath,
    Where every prospect pleases,
        Save only that of death.
                                                         Bishop Sheber
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Prosperity doth best discover vice; but adversity doth best discover
virtue.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity is a greater.
Possession pampers the mind; privation trains and strengthens it.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
Prosperity is not without many fears and distastes; and adversity
is not without comforts and hopes.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Adversity
%%
Prosperity is our God given right.
%%
Prosperity is the blessing of the Old Testament; adversity is the
blessing of the New.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Adversity
%%
Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 872
%%
Prosperity tries the fortunate: adversity the great.
 -- Pliny the Younger
%%
Prostate:  Flat on your back...
%%
Prosthetic dog claws
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
Prostitues for pleasure, concubines for service, wives for breeding.
 ('and a melon for ecstacy' is sometimes added...)
%%
PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Prostitutes do it at illegal addresses.
%%
Prostitutes do it for profit.
%%
Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York
 Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt,
 you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more
 important, sex or a shirt?
 -- Jackie Mason
%%
Prostitutes in San Francisco are not obliged to make change for bills
larger than $50.
%%
Prostitution is the only business where you can go
 into the hole and still come out ahead.
%%
Prostrate the beauteous ruin lies; and all
That shared its shelter perish in its fall.
 -- William Pitt (1759-1806)
 -- The Poetry of the Anti-Jacobin, No. xxxvi
%%
Protagoras asserted that there were two sides to every question, exactly
opposite to each other.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Protagoras, iii
%%
Protect data from prying eyes: randomize it!
%%
Protect Japanese forests...    clearcut B.C.!!
%%
Protecto Brand seat covers, the industry standard.
%%
Protect rare coprolites, they're an endangered feces.
%%
Protect your software at all costs -- all else is meat.
%%
Protein........... In favor of young people.
%%
Protestants do it unwillingly.
%%
Protocol           : For golf, Arnold Palmer or Jack Nicklaus.
%%
:protocol: n. As used by hackers, this never refers to niceties
   about the proper form for addressing letters to the Papal Nuncio or
   the order in which one should use the forks in a Russian-style
   place setting; hackers don't care about such things.  It is used
   instead to describe any set of rules that allow different machines
   or pieces of software to coordinate with each other without
   ambiguity.  So, for example, it does include niceties about the
   proper form for addressing packets on a network or the order in
   which one should use the forks in the Dining Philosophers Problem.
   It implies that there is some common message format and an accepted
   set of primitives or commands that all parties involved understand,
   and that transactions among them follow predictable logical
   sequences.  See also {handshaking}, {do protocol}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Prototype designs always work.
 -- Don Vonada
%%
Prototype npn blackboxes actually hold pnp transistors, and vice-versa.
 -- Vuilleumier's Fifth Law
%%
Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
%%
Prouder than rustling in unpaid-for silk.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Proud member of the cultural elite.
%%
Proust again: One can only wish that a man with such powers of total recall
had led a less tedious life, moved among somewhat livelier circles....
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Thessalonians v, 21
%%
Proverbs save us the trouble of thinking. What we call folk wisdom is often no
more than a kind of expedient stupidity.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Provide at least 3 feet clear space around electric space heaters.
%%
Providence protects children and idiots.  I know because I have tested it.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
PROVIDENTIAL, adj.  Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the
person so describing it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Providing computer solutions for the mentally impaired...
%%
:provocative maintenance: [common ironic mutation of `preventive
   maintenance'] n. Actions performed upon a machine at regularly
   scheduled intervals to ensure that the system remains in a usable
   state.  So called because it is all too often performed by a
   {field servoid} who doesn't know what he is doing; such
   `maintenance' often *induces* problems, or otherwise
   results in the machine's remaining in an *un*usable state for
   an indeterminate amount of time.  See also {scratch monkey}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:prowler: [UNIX] n. A {daemon} that is run periodically (typically
   once a week) to seek out and erase {core} files, truncate
   administrative logfiles, nuke `lost+found' directories, and
   otherwise clean up the {cruft} that tends to pile up in the
   corners of a file system.  See also {GFR}, {reaper},
   {skulker}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
%%
PRO:  You can't get chlorine or salt in your eyes again.
CON:  You can't swim in a pool or the ocean ever again.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  You never have to get up in the morning.
CON:  You will never have another good night's sleep.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  You will never have another hangover, nor forget what you did last
      night.
CON:  You won't be able to get intoxicated again.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  You will never have to work another day for eternity.
CON:  You will never have the opportunity to spend the money you have
      made over your lifetime.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  You won't be around to get bothered by kids in a nursing home.
CON:  You can't go to your local nursing home and bother the old people.
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  You won't be a victim of violent, bloody, painful crime.
CON:  You won't be able to kill or attack!
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
PRO:  You won't be wondering your ass off about what stupid foreigners
      are saying.
CON:  You can't give the stupid foreigner wrong directions!
 -- Pros and Cons of Death
%%
Prozac: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
%%
PRS: PRint and Smear
%%
PRUDE, n.  A bawd hiding behind the back of her demeanor.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Prudence is a rich, ugly old maid courted by incapacity.
%%
Prune: A plum that has seen better days.
%%
Prune juice--it keeps you runnin'.
%%
Prune Juice: The breakfast for Runners...
%%
Prunes give you a run for your money!
%%
Pry a yellow rib and pound the old soak free.
%%
Pryde will have a fall;
For pryde goeth before and shame commeth after.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
PS/2: Just Say No
%%
PS/2--yesterday's hardware today.
OS/2--yesterday's software tomorrow.
OS/2 Ext.--today's software real soon now.
%%
PS.. any news on Carrie Ross? :)
%%
Pseudocode can be used to some extent to aid the maintenance
 process.   However, pseudocode that is highly detailed -
 approaching the level of detail of the code itself - is not of
 much use as maintenance documentation.  Such detailed
 documentation has to be maintained almost as much as the code,
 thus doubling the maintenance burden.  Furthermore, since such
 voluminous pseudocode is too distracting to be kept in the
 listing itself, it must be kept in a separate folder.  The
 result: Since pseudocode - unlike real code - doesn't have to be
 maintained, no one will maintain it.  It will soon become out of
 date and everyone will ignore it.  (Once, I did an informal
 survey of 42 shops that used pseudocode.  Of those 42, 0 [zero!],
 found that it had any value as maintenance documentation.
 -- Meilir Page-Jones
 -- _The Practical Guide to Structured Design_, Yourdon Press (c) 1988
%%
Pseudo-intellectual: one who knows what "pseudo" means.
%%
Pseudo-Judeo-Christian horror was no match for genuinely
 hypoglycemic hunger.
 -- Peni R. Griffin, The Goat Man (IASFM, 5/89)
%%
Pseudonym --- a nym that is not your real nym!
%%
:pseudoprime: n. A backgammon prime (six consecutive occupied
   points) with one point missing.  This term is an esoteric pun
   derived from a mathematical method that, rather than determining
   precisely whether a number is prime (has no divisors), uses a
   statistical technique to decide whether the number is `probably'
   prime.  A number that passes this test is called a pseudoprime.
   The hacker backgammon usage stems from the idea that a pseudoprime
   is almost as good as a prime: it does the job of a prime until
   proven otherwise, and that probably won't happen.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:pseudo: /soo'doh/ [USENET: truncation of `pseudonym'] n. 1. An
   electronic-mail or {USENET} persona adopted by a human for
   amusement value or as a means of avoiding negative repercussions of
   one's net.behavior; a `nom de USENET', often associated with
   forged postings designed to conceal message origins.  Perhaps the
   best-known and funniest hoax of this type is {BIFF}.
   2. Notionally, a {flamage}-generating AI program simulating a
   USENET user.  Many flamers have been accused of actually being such
   entities, despite the fact that no AI program of the required
   sophistication yet exists.  However, in 1989 there was a famous
   series of forged postings that used a phrase-frequency-based
   travesty generator to simulate the styles of several well-known
   flamers; it was based on large samples of their back postings
   (compare {Dissociated Press}).  A significant number of people
   were fooled by the forgeries, and the debate over their
   authenticity was settled only when the perpetrator came forward to
   publicly admit the hoax.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:pseudosuit: /soo'doh-s[y]oot`/ n. A {suit} wannabee; a hacker
   who has decided that he wants to be in management or administration
   and begins wearing ties, sport coats, and (shudder!) suits
   voluntarily.  It's his funeral.  See also {lobotomy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
P.S. If you don't receive this letter, it must have miscarried:
 therefore I beg you to write and let me know.
%%
PS.  I'm a quiche-eating Pascal person!
%%
P.S. It is my observation that too many of us are spending money we
haven't earned to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like.
 -- H. Jackson Brown's mom (from P. S. I Love You)
%%
PSM: Print and SMear
%%
PS: Pirate Software
%%
PSP: Print and Shred Paper
%%
PSP: Push Stack Pointer
%%
PSR: Print and Shred Ribbon
%%
Pssst. The root password is 'kumquat'.
%%
Pssst. Wanna buy a C compiler ?
Aldo
%%
Psst <*< <- Another Illegal Hi-Ascii character within.
%%
Psst! Armadillos are baby trolls... pass it on!
%%
Psst ... Bob did it...
%%
Psst, Buddy!  Wanna buy some FL swamp land?
%%
Psst. Dennis Ritchie is a closet Pascal user!
%%
Psst, hey BUDDY, have I got a deal for YOU!!
%%
Psst! Hey buddy... wanna buy a used tagline?
%%
Psst ... 'scuse me ... what is an ellipsis?
%%
Psst. Want some Romulan Ale, cheap?
%%
Psst! Your .zip file is open!
%%
Psychedelic drugs cause paranoia, confusion, and total
loss of reality in politicians that have never taken them
%%
Psychiatrist - A mind sweeper. A freudy cat.
%%
Psychiatrists do it for at least fifty dollars per session.
%%
Psychiatrists do it like crazy.
%%
Psychiatrists do it on the couch.
%%
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
%%
Psychiatrists tell us one out of every five people is completely disturbed.
 And the reason is the other four are nuts.
 -- Dave Astor
%%
Psychiatrist work on the mind
%%
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents'
  shortcomings.
 -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
Psychiatry is quite similar to prostitution, only less honest.
They both promise to make people feel better, but the prostitute doesn't make
pretensions that the feelings will last once the client walks out the door.
%%
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
%%
Psychic comedians have a sixth sense of humor.
%%
Psychic Convention : You know the time. You know the date.
%%
Psychic Con: You know where and when.
%%
PSYCHIC PREDICTS: Fixed points will break again!
 -- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
Psycho 3.0 installed; run NORMAN.MOM
%%
Psychoanalysis is Freudulent.
%%
Psychoanalysis is the mental illness it purports to cure.
 Karl Kraus
%%
Psychoanalysis??  I thought this was a nude rap session!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Psychoanalysis was a wonderful discovery; it makes quite simple people feel
 they are complex.
 -- S. N. Behrman
%%
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
%%
Psychoceramics: The study of hard-headed SysOps.
%%
Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
%%
Psychologists do it best at variable intervals.
%%
Psychologists do it with rats!
%%
Psychologists only do it if they feel good about it.
%%
Psychologists say people with hobbies are not likely to go crazy -
but this doesn't apply to the people they live with.
%%
Psychologists think they do it.
%%
Psychologists want you tested before they do it
%%
Psychologists would like to do it with 95% confidence.
%%
 PSYCHOLOGY:  Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate
 the emotional stability and repressed frustrations of the following:
 Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi.
 Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work,
 making appropriate references.  It is not necessary to translate.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Psychology: getting habits out of a rat.
%%
Psychology is a fairly modern disease discovered by a man named Floyd.
%%
Psychology: The art of turning stupidity into illness
%%
Psychotherapist is also Psycho The Rapist
%%
Psychotherapy-  A long, drawn out process consisting of subtle probings of the
human mind, whereby women are blamed for all of Freud's shortcomings.
%%
Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well
anyhow and is certainly a damn fool.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Psychotics think two and two make five.  Neurotics know that two and
two make four-but they can't stand it.
%%
:psyton: /si:'ton/ [TMRC] n. The elementary particle carrying the
   sinister force.  The probability of a process losing is
   proportional to the number of psytons falling on it.  Psytons are
   generated by observers, which is why demos are more likely to fail
   when lots of people are watching.  [This term appears to have been
   largely superseded by {bogon}; see also {quantum bogodynamics}.
 -- -- ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
P.T. Barnum would DEFINITELY approve!
%%
PTP: Produce Toilet Paper
%%
ptr=(void *)666; /* The pointer from hell. */
%%
Puberty is a hair-raising experience.
%%
:pubic directory: [NYU] (also `pube directory' /pyoob'
   d*-rek't*-ree/) n. The `pub' (public) directory on a machine that
   allows {FTP} access.  So called because it is the default
   location for {SEX} (sense 1).  "I'll have the source in the
   pube directory by Friday."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PUBIC HAIR:
   Organic dental floss.
%%
Pubic Zirconia: A ring for your 11th finger.
%%
Publicity is like poison: it doesn't hurt unless you swallow it.
 -- Joe Paterno
%%
Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent.
 -- Boies Penrose
%%
Public opinion flourishes where there are no ideas.
%%
Public opinion in this country is everything.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Public opinion is stronger than the legislature, and nearly
as strong as the Ten Commandments.
 -- Charles D. Warner, "My Summer in a Garden"
%%
Public opinion sets bounds to every government, and is the real
sovereign in every free one.
 -- James Madison
%%
Public schools are the nurseries of all vice and immorality.
%%
Public speakers do it orally.
%%
 PUBLIC SPEAKING:  2,500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming
 the classroom.  Calm them.  You may use any ancient language
 except Latin and Greek.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Public speaking is very easy.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88
%%
...public television is one of the most extravagant, over-capitalized
institutions in our society .. a huge national conglomerate ...l almost
every one of the major local stations in public television has
an elaborate, state-of-the-art, and very expensive production
facility.   Most ... are scarcely used ... but there they are: costing
money and gathering dust.
 -- C. M. Lichenstein, former Sr. VP, PBS
%%
Public use of any portable music system is a
virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.
 -- Zoso
%%
Public Utility: Is that Shareware or P.D.??
%%
 Publish and be damned!
 --        Arthur Wellesley  , Duke of Wellington   1769-1852
 --        Attributed; when the courtesan Harriette Wilson threatened to
          publish her memoirs and his letters
%%
Publishing a volume of poetry is like dropping a rose-petal down
the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
 -- Don Marquis (1878-1937)
%%
Publishing is the art of buying paper and selling it again at a profit.
%%
PUBLISH, n.  In literary affairs, to become the fundamental element in
a cone of critics.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Publish or Perish: The imposed, involuntary choice between fame and
   oblivion, neither of which is handled gracefully by
   most faculty members.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Pubs make you as drunk as they can as soon as they can, and turn nasty when
 they succeed.
%%
Pudding without raisins is no pudding at all.
%%
Puddy tat no so bwave in Gwanny's micwowave oven!
%%
Puff up!  Puff up!  They hate that!
 -- Batty
%%
:puff: vt. To decompress data that has been crunched by Huffman
   coding.  At least one widely distributed Huffman decoder program
   was actually *named* `PUFF', but these days it is usually
   packaged with the encoder.  Oppose {huff}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PUI: Piglet User Interface
%%
Pulchritude possesses exclusively cutaneous profundity.
%%
Pulchritude reposes within the optic parameters of the perceiver.
%%
pulled out a pair of pliers and pulled a bullet out of my chest
%%
Pull!!! Meeoooowwww! Rats, wide right...
%%
Pull the other leg!
%%
Pull-The-Plug, Slice The Pie:
 A fantasy in which an offspring mentally tallies up the net
worth of his parents.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Pull the trigger and you're garbage.
 -- Lady Blue
%%
Pull the wool over your own eyes!
 -- J.R. Bob Dobbs
%%
Pull with All You've Got!: Eve Ho
%%
Pull Yourself Together!: Annette Curtain
%%
Pull yourself together; things are not all that bad.
%%
Pulvis et umbra sumus.
(We are but dust and shadow.)
 -- Horace
%%
PumpDon'tWork'CauseTheVandalTookTheHandle.
%%
Pumpkin - American definition of incest.
%%
:punched card:: alt. `punch card' [techspeak] n.obs. The
   signature medium of computing's {Stone Age}, now obsolescent
   outside of some IBM shops.  The punched card actually predated
   computers considerably, originating in 1801 as a control device for
   mechanical looms.  The version patented by Hollerith and used with
   mechanical tabulating machines in the 1890 U.S. Census was a piece
   of cardboard about 90 mm by 215 mm.  There is a widespread myth
   that it was designed to fit in the currency trays used for that
   era's larger dollar bills, but recent investigations have falsified
   this.

   IBM (which originated as a tabulating-machine manufacturer) married
   the punched card to computers, encoding binary information as
   patterns of small rectangular holes; one character per column,
   80 columns per card.  Other coding schemes, sizes of card, and
   hole shapes were tried at various times.

   The 80-column width of most character terminals is a legacy of the
   IBM punched card; so is the size of the quick-reference cards
   distributed with many varieties of computers even today.  See
   {chad}, {chad box}, {eighty-column mind}, {green card},
   {dusty deck}, {lace card}, {card walloper}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Punched cards! I thought only Neanderthals worked with punched cards.
%%
Punch me in, punch me out,
That's what my life is all about.
%%
PUNCH MEN KICK WOMEN CHOP CHILDREN
 -- Sign in window of karate studio
%%
Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in
 your subordinates.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
Punctuality is the thief of time.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
 -- Evelyn Waugh (1903-1966)
%%
Punctuate this sentence so that it reads both grammatically and
meaningfully:

i will find a turtle shell insist in the stream
%%
Punctuate:  Where Tom had had had John had had had had.
%%
Punishment becomes ineffective after a certain point.  Men
  become insensitive.
 -- Eneg, "Patterns of Force," stardate 2534.7.
%%
PUNK ROCK!!  DISCO DUCK!!  BIRTH CONTROL!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Punk Rock Rulez!: Lotta Noyze
%%
Punny Book: A Stuntman To The End - Kenny Doitt
%%
Punny Book: A Whole Lot of Cats - Kitt N. Caboodle
%%
PUNNY BOOK: Bad Gardeners: Wilt Plant
%%
Punny Book: Don't Wake The Baby - by Elsie Cries.
%%
PUNNY BOOK: Equine Leg Cramps: Charlie Horse.
%%
Punny Book: Those Funny Dogs - Joe Kur
%%
Punny Book: Too Many Beers - I.P. Freely.
%%
Punny Book: You're a Bundle of Laughs - Vera Funny
%%
Pun-provoking thyme.
 -- William Shenstone (1714-1763)
 -- The Schoolmistress, Stanza 11
%%
Puns are bad, but poetry is verse.
%%
Puns are for children - not for readers who are groan.
 -- Writing Rule 34
%%
Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves
to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way
to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the
cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in
fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a
lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of
the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.
 -- Dave Barry, Why Humor is Funny
%%
Puns are our business... Our ONLY business....
%%
Puns can groan on you
%%
:punt: [from the punch line of an old joke referring to American
   football: "Drop back 15 yards and punt!"] v. 1. To give up,
   typically without any intention of retrying.  "Let's punt the
   movie tonight."  "I was going to hack all night to get this
   feature in, but I decided to punt" may mean that you've decided
   not to stay up all night, and may also mean you're not ever even
   going to put in the feature.  2. More specifically, to give up on
   figuring out what the {Right Thing} is and resort to an
   inefficient hack.  3. A design decision to defer solving a
   problem, typically because one cannot define what is desirable
   sufficiently well to frame an algorithmic solution.  "No way to
   know what the right form to dump the graph in is --- we'll punt
   that for now."  4. To hand a tricky implementation problem off
   to some other section of the design.  "It's too hard to get the
   compiler to do that; let's punt to the runtime system."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
PUO: Perform Unknown Operation
%%
Puppy Chowder
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Purchase not friends with gifts; when thou ceasest to give, such
will cease to love.
 -- Fuller
%%
Purcilious: manner in which a man holds his wife's purse in public.
%%
Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel off of the TV screen.
 -- Kitman's Law
%%
Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this: To
visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep
himself unspotted from the world.
 -- James I, 27
%%
Pure science is a myth: Both mathematical theoreticians like Albert Einstein
and practical crackpots like Henry Ford dealt with different aspects of the
same world.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Purgamentum Init, Exit Purgamentum.
%%
PURGE COMPLETE.
%%
Purify the air: Grow a tree
%%
Purify the air: Plant trees
%%
Purist, Schmurist! I take the simplest route!
%%
Puritanism, believing itself quick with the seed of religious liberty,
laid, without knowing it, the egg of democracy.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- New England Two Centuries ago
%%
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Purity is almost always toxic.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Purity is the feminine, truth the masculine, of honor.
 -- Hare
%%
:Purple Book: n. 1. The "System V Interface Definition".  The
   covers of the first editions were an amazingly nauseating shade of
   off-lavender.  2. Syn. {Wizard Book}.  See also {{book
   titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Purple hum
Assorted cars
Laser lights, you bring
All to prove
You're on the move
and vanishing
 -- The Cars
%%
Purple Passion:  A deadly libation prepared by mixing equal volumes of
   grape juice and lab alcohol.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Purple shoes! I like that in a woman.
%%
:purple wire: [IBM] n. Wire installed by Field Engineers to work
   around problems discovered during testing or debugging.  These are
   called `purple wires' even when (as is frequently the case) their
   actual physical color is yellow....  Compare {blue wire},
   {yellow wire}, and {red wire}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Purpose for exterior drapings, father?
It is an accepted custom that we wear clothing.
 -- Lal and Data, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
Purranoia: the fear your cats are up to something
%%
Purranoia: The feeling that your cat is up to something.
%%
PURR if you love cats
%%
Purring: the sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
%%
Purrloiner: A cat in your lap.
%%
Purrpetual:  Everlasting love for domesticated felines...
%%
Purrpetual Motion: A kitten at play.
%%
Purrson:  A male kitty...
%%
Purrson (n): Son of a Cat.
%%
Purrverse:  Poem about a strange kitty...
%%
pursuant - what aunt sue said
%%
Pursue the monsters and you will be had indeed.
%%
Push any key. Then push the any other key.
%%
 Push button
 Rub hands together vigorously under air stream
 Wipe hands on pants.
 -- Written over faded instructions on electric hand dryer
%%
Pushers and hookers and pimps... Oh my!
%%
:push: [from the operation that puts the current information on a
   stack, and the fact that procedure return addresses are saved on a
   stack] (Also PUSH /push/ or PUSHJ /push'J/, the latter based on
   the PDP-10 procedure call instruction.) 1. To put something onto a
   {stack} or {pdl}.  If one says that something has been pushed
   onto one's stack, it means that the Damoclean list of things
   hanging over ones's head has grown longer and heavier yet.  This
   may also imply that one will deal with it *before* other
   pending items; otherwise one might say that the thing was `added
   to my queue'.  2. vi. To enter upon a digression, to save the
   current discussion for later.  Antonym of {pop}; see also
   {stack}, {pdl}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
%%
Pushing back the limits of common sense
%%
Pushing upward has supreme success.
One must see the great man.
Fear not.
Departure toward the south
Brings good fortune.
%%
Pushing upward in darkness.
It furthers one to be unremittingly persevering.
%%
PUSH, n.  One of the two things mainly conducive to success,
especially in politics.  The other is Pull.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Push on,--keep moving.
 -- Thomas Morton (1764-1838)
 -- A Cure for the Heartache, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Push red button to test, release to detonate...
%%
Push the button, Frank!
 -- Mystery Science Theater
%%
Push the limit, and the limit will move away!
%%
Push where it gives and scratch where it itches.
%%
PUS: PUrge System
%%
Pussability:  A surprised kitty's "BOING..."
%%
Pussy Whip:  The dessert topping for cats...
%%
Put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxiii, 2
%%
Put a lens in each ear and you've got a telescope.
%%
Put Al Gore's brain in a pigeon and it'd fly backwards.
%%
Put all of your routines back now! I need them.
%%
Put all your begs in one ask-it...
%%
Put all your eggs in one basket, after making
sure that you've built a really *good* basket.
%%
Put an AX murder in the State House!
%%
Put another man's child in your bosom, and he'll creep out at your elbow.
 -- Proverb
%%
Put another password in,
Bomb it out, then try again.
Try to get past logging in,
We're hacking, hacking, hacking.

Try his first wife's maiden name,
This is more than just a game.
It's real fun, but just the same,
It's hacking, hacking, hacking.
%%
Put a piece of tape on a cat's foot, you have never laughed so hard!
%%
Put a tiger in your tank - it's the ideal anti-personnel weapon for use in the
small confines of military vehicles.
%%
Put a tongue
In every wound of Caesar that should move
The stones of Rome to rise and mutiny.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Put brain in gear before using machinery.
%%
Put 'em in the trunk.
%%
Put'er There, Pal!: Greg Garious
%%
Put God to work for you and maximize your potential in our divinely
ordered capitalist system.
 -- Norman Vincent Peale
%%
Put her in Hyper Active!
%%
Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will
appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it, and above all,
accurately so they will be guided by its light.
 -- Joseph Pulitzer
%%
Put it to Music!
%%
Put it to the wall, Mr. LaForge.
 -- Picard
%%
Put lawyers on the ethics committee, for balance.
%%
Put Ma Bell together again. NOW!
%%
Put money in thy purse.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Put no trust in cryptic comments.
%%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
 -- Holmes
%%
Put not your trust in princes.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxlvi, 3
%%
Put off procrastinating till a later time.
%%
Put on a ring of teleportation: it will take you away from onslaught.
%%
Put only the restriction on your pleasures- be cautious that they
hurt no creature that has life.
 -- Zimmerman
%%
Put on this blindfold. I want to try something.
%%
Put on your seatbelt. I'm gonna try something new.
%%
Put our dumps to better use - throw liberal Democrats in!
%%
Put out the light, and then put out the light:
If I quench thee, thou flaming minister,
I can again thy former light restore
Should I repent me; but once put out thy light,
Thou cunning'st pattern of excelling nature,
I know not where is that Promethean heat
That can thy light relume.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Put out the light.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt, 6 January 1919.
%%
Put politicians in their place - landfills!
%%
Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn't annoying.
%%
Put Scott Scheibe's brain in a pigeon and it'd fly backwards.
%%
Put that in your smipe & poke it
%%
Put the arts back in the private sector where it belongs.
%%
Put the cat out?  I didn't know it was on fire!
%%
PUT THE COMPUTER DOWN, HONEY..I'm quitting NOW!
%%
Put the cuffs on him, sis!
%%
Put the politicians on the front line!
%%
Put three grains of sand inside a vast cathedral,
and the cathedral will be more closely packed with sand than
space is with stars.
 -- Sir James Jeans
%%
Put thyself into the trick of singularity.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Putting a pea on a six lane highway.
%%
Putting a question correctly is one thing and finding the answer to it
is something quite different.
 -- Anton Chekhov
%%
Putting on his coroner's cap, Data enjoys a rotten corpse.
%%
Putting salt on railroad tracks is a crime in Alabama.
%%
Putt knot yore trussed in spilling chequers.
%%
Put two pennies in pocket...they'll breed.
%%
Put up or shut up!
%%
Put up or shut up is the phrase that comes to mind.
%%
Put your ass into the ball, Mr. President.
 -- Sam Snead (giving a lesson to Dwight D. Eisenhower)
%%
Put your best foot forward.
Or just call in and say you're sick.
%%
Put your brain in gear before engaging your mouth.
%%
Put your clothes back on Bob, and get out of my house!
%%
Put your Dickens sideways.
%%
Put your ducks in a line today. So you can shoot them all with one bullet.
%%
Put your genius into your life.  Put only your talent into your work.
%%
Put your hand inside the Puppet Head.
%%
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit
with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's
relativity.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955), when asked what his Theory of Relativity was
 -- by William Randolph Hearst's mistress
 -- during a visit to Xanadu, the Hearst mansion
%%
Put your hand on the screen and FEEL my healing power
%%
Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze; internal organs will
be scarce in
the post-nuclear age.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
Put your hard drive to your ear. Can you hear the C: ?
%%
Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts.
This is the secret of success.
 -- Swami Sivananda
%%
Put your modem where your mouth is
%%
Put your money where your modem is!
%%
Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
 -- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
%%
Put your nose to the grindstone and you're a bloody fool.
%%
Put your trust in God, my boys, and keep your powder dry.
 -- Colonel Blacker
 -- Oliver's Advice, 1834
%%
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
%%
Put your trust in those who are worthy. If you can find any.
%%
PVLC: Punch Variable Length Card
%%
PWB: Put to Waste Basket
%%
P. What riches give us let us then inquire:
Meat, fire, and clothes. B. What more? P. Meat, fine clothes, and fire.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 79
%%
PWP: Print Without Paper
%%
PWS: create PoWer Surge
%%
Pygmies are pygmies still, though percht on Alps;
And pyramids are pyramids in vales.
Each man makes his own stature, builds himself.
Virtue alone outbuilds the Pyramids;
Her monuments shall last when Egypt's fall.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night vi, Line 309
%%
Pyramid Shipping Co.
%%
Pyro's of the world.....IGNITE !!!
%%
PYROTECHNICIANS do it with flare.
%%
Pyrotechnics experts do it with a blinding flash.
%%
PYRRHONISM, n.  An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor.  It
consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism.  Its
modern professors have added that.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pyrrhus said, "If I should overcome the Romans in another fight, I
were undone."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Pyrrhus
%%
Pyrrhus, when his friends congratulated to him his victory over the
Romans under Fabricius, but with great slaughter of his own side,
said to them, "Yes; but if we have such another victory, we are undone."
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Apothegms, No, 193
%%
PYS: Program YourSelf
%%
Pythagoras used to say that he had received as a gift from Mercury
the perpetual transmigration of his soul, so that it was constantly
transmigrating and passing into all sorts of plants or animals.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pythagoras, iv
%%
Pythagoras, when he was asked what time was, answered that it was
the soul of this world.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Platonic Questions, viii, 4
%%
Pythias once, scoffing at Demosthenes, said that his arguments smelt
of the lamp.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Demosthenes
%%
Q2: "But, I find these humans rather interesting.  I'm beginning to
understand  what you see in them.  After all of the things that you've
done, they're still  intent on keeping you safe!" Q: "A genetic *weakness*
of the race."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q2: "But somebody had to keep an eye on you to make sure you still
didn't find a
  way to cause trouble, even as a member of this, hmm, limited species."
Q: "Well, I, I hope I've been entertaining you."
Q2: "Barely."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q2: "Ewweh!  What a dreadful color!"
Q: "Yeah."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q2: "Hmm, fine, hmm, huuh, you got your powers back!"
Q2: "Try and stay out of trouble."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q2: "Not bad, Q!  Not great.  Aaah, huuh, but not bad."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q2: "Now you and I both know that the Calamarian would've eventually
destroyed  the Enteprise to get to you.  And that's really why you
left, right?" Q: "It was a teeny bit selfless, wasn't it?" Q2: "Eew,
yeah, and there's my problem!  See, I can't go back to the Qontinuum,
 and tell them that you committed a selfless act just before you did!
 If I do,  there's going to be questions, there's going to be explanations,
for  centuries!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q2: "They just tried to, mmm, beam you up, back, whatever it is they call it!"
Q: "Really?"
Q2: "Ah, I stopped them."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754
and 854 for floating point arithmetic.  If you fly in aircraft
designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"?
 A:  Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
%%
Qagh -- it's not just for breakfast anymore
%%
Q: "Ah, but before I go, there's a debt I wish to repay to my professor of the
  humanities.  Data, I've decided to give you something very, very special."
Data: "If your intention is to make me human--"
Q: "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I would never curse you by making you human.
  Think of it, as a going-away present."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "All right, everyone, this is what we're going to be doing..."
LaForge: "Q, everybody knows what they're going to do except for you.  Now
  here's what I need--"
Q: "LaForge, obviously my knowledge and experience far exceeds yours by about,
  a *billion* times.  So if you'll just step aside, gracefully."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "As a fellow Klingon, if you would speak to the captain on my behalf,
I would
  be *eternally* grateful.  Which doesn't mean as much as it used to, I admit."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "As I learn more and more, what it is to be human, I am more and more
  convinced that I would never make a good one.  I don't have what it takes.
  Without my powers I'm frightened of everything.  I'm a coward...and I'm
  miserable...and I can't go on this way."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "Au contraire, mon capitan!  He's back!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "Can I have a Starfleet uniform?"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "Can you use a vacuum cleaner on your dog?"
A: "Yes, but it is generally better to take it for a walk."
%%
Q: Complete the following word analogy:   Add is to Subtract as Multiply
     is to:
         1)  Divide
         2)  ROUND
         3)  RANDOM
         4)  On a Pentium, all of the above
 A:  Number 4.
%%
Q: Could I really become enlightened?
A: Yes, if you allow for it.
%%
Q: "Data may have sacrificed himself for me.  Why?" Picard: "That
is his special nature...to learn the lessons of humanity well." Q:
"When I ask myself if I would've done the same for him, and I am forced
to  answer, 'No', I feel...I feel ashamed." Picard: "Q, I am not your
father-confessor.  You will receive no absolution from  me."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: Does a cow have Buddha-nature ?
A: Mu
%%
Q: "Don't fret, Riker.  My good fortune is your good fortune."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: Do you know how to tell a Polack at a cockfight?
 A: He's the only one with a duck.
 Q: Do you know how to tell an Aggie at a cockfight?
 A: He's the only one who bets on the duck.
 Q: And do you know how to tell the Mafia is at the cockfight?
 A: The duck wins!
%%
Q: Do you know what an assistant dean is?
A: A mouse in training to be a rat.
%%
Q: Do you know why the new Michael Jackson album is called
     "Dangerous"?
A: Because the record company execs couldn't spell "Androgynous".
%%
Q: "Do you think that she will want to remain an emfeebled mortal?"
Picard: "But if she really is Q, she must understand what that means."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
QFM:
 Quelle Fashion Mistake. "It was really QFM, I mean painter
pants? That's 1979 beyond belief!"
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Q: "Hey, I'm claustrophobic!  I don't like it in here."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q. How can two perfect strangers feel so close?
A. In a queue.
%%
Q: How can you tell Intel engineers are all circumcised?
 A: None of them seem to mind a little bit missing off the end.
%%
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
 A:His lips are moving.
%%
Q: How can you tell when a WASP is sexually aroused?
 A: By the stiff upper lip.
%%
Q: How did the Software Engineer die in the shower?
A: He was following the shampoo instructions, which said:
   "Lather. Rinse. Repeat.", and he couldn't get out of the loop.
%%
Q:  How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A:  Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
%%
Q: How do cats decide when to jump suddenly up from where they were
   sitting comfortably curled up and dash madly around the room,
   knocking over everything they encounter?
A: Fuzzy logic.
%%
Q: How does an American change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't.  He throws the lamp away and buys a new one.
%%
Q. How do you attract a vegetarian?
 A. Make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
%%
Q: How do you double the value of a LADA?
 A: Fill it up with petrol.
%%
Q: How do you generate a 7-digit random number ?
 A: Ask a student to count to 10.
%%
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Take ordinary water and boil the HELL out of it.
%%
Q: How do you play religious roulette?
A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme then wait and see who gets
 struck by lightning first.
%%
Q: How do you spell "onomatopoeia"?  A: The way it sounds.
%%
Q: How do you tell a woman with PMS from a woman without PMS?
A: Beats the hell out of me!
%%
Q:  How do you tell if an Elephant has been making love in your
    backyard?
A:  If all your trashcan liners are missing ...
%%
Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher,
 or an airline stewardess?
 A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says:
 "We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right."
 An airline stewardess says: "Just hold this over your
 mouth and nose, and breath normally."
%%
Q: How do you tell that your roommate's gay?
 A: When his cock tastes like shit.
%%
Q: How is a book by Alan Dean Foster like a (void) function?
A: Neither returns anything of value.
%%
Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
 A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
Q: How long does it take?
 A: It's indeterminate.  It will depend upon how many flats they've
 brought with them.
%%
Q:  How many IBM cpu's does it take to do a logical right shift?
A:  33.  1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
%%
Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
%%
Q: How many programmers does it take to wall-paper a room?
 A:  Twelve, but you have to slice them thinly.
%%
Q: How much money do you give to a 900 foot Jesus?
 A: As much as he wants.
%%
Q: "Humans are such commonplace little creatures.  They roam over the galaxy
  searching for something they know not what."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "I add a little spice, a little excitement to your lives, and all you do is
  complain!"
 -- "Q Who", Stardate unknown
%%
Q: "If I were to ask you a *very* simple question, do you think you might be
  able to answer it without it troubling your intellect too much?  Ready?  Here
  goes.  Would I permit you to lock me away if I still had all my powers?"
Worf: "You have fooled us too often, Q."
Q: "Oh, perspicacity incarnate!  Please don't feel compelled now to tell me the
  story of 'The Boy Who Cried Worf'."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would Cheetah be?
 A: A fur coat.
%%
Q: "If this child does not learn how to control her powers, she accidentally
 destroy herself.  Or all of you!  Or perhaps your entire galaxy!"
Picard: "I find it hard to believe that you're here to do us a favor."
Q: "You're quite right, I wouldn't.  But there are those in the Qontinuum,
who  have an *overexaggerated* sense of responsibility.  They think
that we need to  take precautions to the little dear from running
amok."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Q: "If you think I tormented you in the past, my little friends, wait until see
  what I do with you now!"
Q2: "Q..."
Q: "I was just seeing if you were...still watching."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "I knew I could count on you, Jean-Luc."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Q: "I'll have *ten* chocolate sundaes."
Bartender: "Ten?"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "I'm no longer a member of the Qontinuum!  My superiors have decided to
  punish me!"
Picard: "And punish us as well, it would seem."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "It's easier this way!  They won't bother you after I'm gone!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "I've been under a lot of pressure lately...family problems."
Beverly: "Mmm, well, don't expect too much sympathy from me.  You have been a
  pain in our backside often enough."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "I've never eaten before, what do I ask for?" Data: "The choice
of meal is determined by individual taste." Q: "What do you like?"
Data: "Although I do not require sustenence, I occasionally injest
semi-organic  nutrient suspension in a silcone-based liquid medium."
Q: "Is it good?" Data: "It would be more apporpriate to say it is
good for *me*, as it lubricates  my biofunctions." Q: "That doesn't
sound very appealing."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "I would've died back then had it not been for you."
Picard: "We all make mistakes."
 -- "Qpid", Stardate unknown
%%
Q might have done the right thing for the wrong reason, perhaps we
  needed a good kick in our complacency to get us ready for what's ahead.
 -- Picard to Guinan, "Q-Who?", stardate 42761.3
%%
Q: "None of us knew whether she had inherited the capacities of the Q, but
  recently they've become to emerge, and uh, as an expert in humanity, I was
  sent to investigate."
Riker: "You?  An expert in humanity."
Q: "Not a very *challenging* field of study, I grant you."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Q: "Oh, you've come to apologize, how nice.  All is forgiven, no offense
taken."
Picard: "Enough!  Q, what exactly is going on?"
Q: "Oh, well how can I know what's going on?  I've been in this dungeon of
  yours, alone, helpless, *bored* to tears."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Qoylu' vIneHpu'be'chugh vIjatlhpu'be' - Klingon Proverb.
  Translation:  If I hadn't want it heard I wouldn't have said it.
 -- "The Final Reflection"
%%
Q: "Picard thinks I can't cut it on his starship.  I can do anything
his little-
  trained minions can do."
Data: "I do not perceive your skills to be in doubt, Q.  The captain is merely
  concerned with your ability to successfully interact with his 'little-trained
  minions'."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "Q!"
Q2: "Ah!  Sacrificing yourself for these humans?  Do I detect a littttle
  selfless act?"
Q: "You flatter me.  I was only trying to put a quick end to a *miserable*
  existence!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "*Romulan*!  I should've said 'Romulan and Klingon goat'!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "She's quite a little spitfire now, isn't she?"
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars.  What
should I do?
A: Post the correct answer at once!  We can't have people go on believing
that!  Very good of you to spot this.  You'll probably be the only one to
make the correction, so post as soon as you can.  No time to lose, so
certainly don't wait a day, or check to see if somebody else has made the
correction.
And it's not good enough to send the message by mail.  Since you're the
only one who really knows that it was Francis Coppola, you have to inform
the whole net right away!
 -- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_
%%
Q: "So you understand I could never survive in confinement.  I mean this is
  cruel and unusual punishment.  The universe has been my backyard."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "The Calamarian are not very hospitable creatures."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q
  The letter with the least number of amusing words in the alphabet.
  (So far). Generally found just before the letter U, entries for
  which will appear in several weeks.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Q: They just announced on the radio that Dan Quayle was picked as the
Republican V.P. candidate.  Should I post?

A: Of course.  The net can reach people in as few as 3 to 5 days.  It's
the perfect way to inform people about such news events long after the
broadcast networks have covered them.  As you are probably the only person
to have heard the news on the radio, be sure to post as soon as you can.
 -- Brad Templeton, brad@looking.on.ca "Emily Postnews
     Answers Your Questions on Netiquette"
%%
Q: "This is a dangerous creature!  You have no idea, why Picard would
make her a
  member of the crew and not me!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "This is not a moment I've been looking forward to."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "Truthfully, Jean-Luc, I've been entirely preoccupied by a most
*frightening*  experience of my on.  A couple of hours ago, I realized
that my body was no  longer functioning properly.  I felt weak.  I
could no longer stand.  The life  was oozing out of me.  I lost consciousness."
Picard: "You fell asleep." Q: "Oh, how terrifying.  How can you stand
it day after day?" Picard: "You'll get used to it." Q: "What other
dangers await me?  I'm not prepared for this, I need guidance."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Quack!
%%
:quad: n. 1. Two bits; syn. for {quarter}, {crumb},
   {tayste}.  2. A four-pack of anything (compare {hex}, sense 2).
   3. The rectangle or box glyph used in the APL language for various
   arcane purposes mostly related to I/O.  Former Ivy-Leaguers and
   Oxford types are said to associate it with nostalgic memories of
   dear old University.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:quadruple bucky: n., obs. 1. On an MIT {space-cadet keyboard},
   use of all four of the shifting keys (control, meta, hyper, and
   super) while typing a character key.  2. On a Stanford or MIT
   keyboard in {raw mode}, use of four shift keys while typing a
   fifth character, where the four shift keys are the control and meta
   keys on *both* sides of the keyboard.  This was very difficult
   to do!  One accepted technique was to press the left-control and
   left-meta keys with your left hand, the right-control and
   right-meta keys with your right hand, and the fifth key with your
   nose.

   Quadruple-bucky combinations were very seldom used in practice,
   because when one invented a new command one usually assigned it to
   some character that was easier to type.  If you want to imply that
   a program has ridiculously many commands or features, you can say
   something like: "Oh, the command that makes it spin the tapes
   while whistling Beethoven's Fifth Symphony is
   quadruple-bucky-cokebottle."  See {double bucky}, {bucky
   bits}, {cokebottle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Quality assurance
 a way to ensure you never deliver shoddy goods accidentally
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Quality assurance doesn't.
 -- Robertson's Law
%%
Quality control: Assuring that the quality of a product does not get out
 of hand and add to the cost of its manufacture or design.
%%
Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming
off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
%%
Quality in a product or service is not what the supplier puts in.
 It is what the customer gets out and is willing to pay for.  A product
is not quality because it is hard to make and costs a lot of money,
as manufacturers typically believe.  This is incompetence.  Customers
pay only for what is of use to them and gives them value.  Nothing
else constitutes quality.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
Quality is conformance to schedule.
 -- Amdahl Corporation Executive
%%
Quality is inversely proportional to the time left for
completion of the project.
 -- Wright's First Law of Quality
%%
Quality is Job 1.01.
 -- Daniel Sears
%%
Quality is timeless.. but it takes time.
 -- Sigrid Grimm, Huron system analyst
%%
Quality means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Quantity is no substitute for quality, but its the only one we've got.
%%
:quantum bogodynamics: /kwon'tm boh`goh-di:-nam'iks/ n. A theory
   that characterizes the universe in terms of bogon sources (such as
   politicians, used-car salesmen, TV evangelists, and {suit}s in
   general), bogon sinks (such as taxpayers and computers), and
   bogosity potential fields.  Bogon absorption, of course, causes
   human beings to behave mindlessly and machines to fail (and may
   also cause both to emit secondary bogons); however, the precise
   mechanics of the bogon-computron interaction are not yet understood
   and remain to be elucidated.  Quantum bogodynamics is most often
   invoked to explain the sharp increase in hardware and software
   failures in the presence of suits; the latter emit bogons, which
   the former absorb.  See {bogon}, {computron}, {suit},
   {psyton}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Quantum Express: When you absolutely, positively, don't know where it's
going or when it needs to be there.
%%
Quantum Leap--Fun to watch, difficult to explain
%%
Quantum Leap: places to go, people to be
%%
Quantum Mechanics: A crew kept on the payroll to repair quantums, which
   decay frequently to the ground state.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Quantum Mechanics are <psi>chotic
%%
Quantum Mechanics do it with uncertainty.
%%
Quantum Mechanics have smaller tools and don't really know where they are...
%%
Quantum Mechanics is His way of saying, "HA, SOLVE THAT!"
%%
Quantum mechanics is very  impressive.  But an inner voice tells
me that it is not yet the real thing.  The theory yields a lot, but
it hardly brings us any closer to the secret of the Old One.  In any
case I am convinced that He doesn't play dice.
 -- Albert Einstein, Letter to Max Born, December 4, 1926
%%
Quantum mechanics provides us with an approximate, plausible, conjectural
explanation of what actually is, or was, or may be taking place inside a
cyclotron during a dark night in February.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Quantum particles: the dreams that stuff is made of.
 -- David Moser
%%
Quantum physics predicts the past with 80% accuracy
%%
QUANTUM SUFFICIT
  The type of phrase that makes you wonder if this language would be
  any better off if there was someone in charge who had power of veto
  over the introduction of new words.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
QUARK:
The sound made by a well bred duck.
%%
Quarrels would not last long if the fault was only on one side.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 496
%%
:quarter: n. Two bits.  This in turn comes from the `pieces of
   eight' famed in pirate movies --- Spanish silver crowns that could
   be broken into eight pie-slice-shaped `bits' to make change.
   Early in American history the Spanish coin was considered equal to
   a dollar, so each of these `bits' was considered worth
   12.5 cents.  Syn.  {tayste}, {crumb}, {quad}.  Usage:
   rare.  See also {nickle}, {nybble}, {{byte}}, {dynner}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Quasimodo - that name rings a bell.
%%
Quasimoto:
 4 wheeled hard-top moped made in France.
%%
Quaxity quuxity
Backus's BNF
Drives a preprocessor,
Generates code.
Parsing is specified
Metasyntactically;
Writing it's easy, but
reading, I'm snowed.
 -- The Great Quux 1976
%%
Quaxity quuxity,
NIL the atomic one
Acts like a wavicle,
Seemingly twin;
Not just the inverse of
Verisimilitude;
Also the inverse of
Where lists begin.
 -- The Great Quux, April 17, 1979
%%
Quaxity quuxity,
Teitelman's InterLISP
Has a DWIM feature that's
Really a screw;
MacLISP has evident
Superiority,
Letting its customer
Mean what he do.
 -- The Great Quux, April 2, 1976
%%
Quaxity quuxity,
TGQ's NEWIO
Has many functions that
No one can grok;
Documentation is
Incomprehensible;
GLS will explain it, but
Still it's a crock.
 -- The Great Quux, April 3, 1976
%%
Quayle stumbled in response to a question about his opinion of the
Holocaust. He said it was "an obscene period in our nation's history."
Then, trying to clarify his remark, Quayle said he meant "this century's
history" and added a confusing comment.  "We all lived in this century,
I didn't live in this century," he said.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
 -- (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The New Yorker, 10/10/88, p.102)
%%
Quayle was very enthusiastic about signing author Tom Clancy to the National
Space Council as an unpaid consultant (see his quote re: Red Storm Rising).
Clancy, however, was not Quayle's first choice; that honor went to famed
aviator Clutch Cargo.  A plan to approach him and offer him the position was
scuttled when it was discovered that Mr. Cargo is a fictional character.
 -- reported in The New Republic, 7/3/89
%%
Queen Elizabeth rules UK.
%%
QUEEN, n.  A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king,
and through whom it is ruled when there is not.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
QUEEN
  Not much of a career to get into if you can help it. Tends to
  involve flying all over the place being famous. But you don't get
  to make lots of movies. It must get a bit dull after a while
  actually. Everywhere the Queen goes all she gets to do is open
  things, do walkabouts, go to the races...
      But the really scarey thing about the Queen is that she has
  kids. This means that at sometime she and the Duke of Edinburgh...
  must have... you know... *done it*. Eugghghgghh. That's pretty
  frightening. And think of the possible embarrassment. What if a
  servant or a bodyguard walked in. "Oops, sorry your Maj.. hey, how
  did you two get into that position? Should I pick these robes up
  for you... oh, I should just go? Okay then.. yes, I'll just go.
  Just please try not to get any marks on the red carpet. Yes, I'm
  averting my eyes.. Oh. Beheaded? Thank you very much your Majesty."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Queen rose of the rosebud garden of girls.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Maud, Part i, Sect. xxii, Stanza 9
%%
Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in
exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday.   Mannis feels he must
devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate
from a recent statement he made comparing New York Mayor Ed Koch to
Nazi Martin Bormann.  A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are
weighing the odds of a slander suit.  Mayor Koch could naturally be
reached for comment, but we chose not to listen.
 -- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live
%%
Quemadmoeum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est.
[A sword is never a killer, it is a tool in the killers hands.]
 -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca "the younger" ca. 4 BC - 65 AD
%%
Quem metuunt, oderunt.
(They hate whom they fear.)
 -- Ennius (239-169 BC)
%%
Que sera sera.
%%
QUE SERA SERF - Life is feudal.
%%
Que sera, serotonin.
%%
:ques: /kwes/ 1. n. The question mark character (`?', ASCII
   0111111).  2. interj.  What?  Also frequently verb-doubled as
   "Ques ques?"  See {wall}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Questionable day.
Ask somebody something.
%%
questionable:  what the police do when they interrogate a cow's husband.
%%
Question Authority
%%
Question Authority and the Authorities will question You.
 -- Danny Low (dlow%hpspcoi@hplabs.hp.com)
%%
Question Authority--ask me anything
%%
Questioning an undertaker: Can a person furnish his own casket? Would a
 large radio cabinet be acceptable for burial if hollowed out and made into
 a child's casket? My uncle, a midget, is dying; can I get a special rate
 for him? Can I bury a dog in his own doghouse? Is it permitted to plant
 tomatoes atop the grave? If I own a funeral plot, am I allowed to dig there
 for fishing worms after a rain? Is there any way the deceased can signal
 after interment if he's still alive? How do I know you're not going to dig
 up the casket after a funeral and resell it?
 -- W. C. Fields (anecdote recalled by Carlotta Monti)
%%
Question reality.
%%
Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
QUEUE
  Something that supermarket supervisors obviously have no idea how
  to manage. It's tempting when you're waiting to grab a PA
  microphone and shout "Yes, shoppers, don't leave yet, 'cos we've
  got mega bargains now! All breakfast cereal, meat and dairy produce
  bought in the next fifteen minutes is 90% off! Stock up now!" Wait
  thirty seconds and all the queues will have disappeared.
      I sometimes get quite infuriated in supermarkets. Keep me off
  the roads - people are in enough trouble when they get in the way
  of my trolley. Some of them leave their shopping trolleys in the
  middle of the aisle. Next time that happens I'm gonna move it for
  them and then watch as they try to work out where they left it.
      I dream that one day they'll turn the whole supermarket into
  one big one-way system. "Hey, too bad if you don't want dog food
  because you haven't got a dog... too bad! You gotta go via the dog
  food anyway! What'dya mean you forgot the eggs... too late now!
  You'll just have to go around again! See you in hell, shopper! You
  there! Trying to climb over the frozen food section to get back to
  the shampoo! Get down here now! Reg - get the shotgun! ... <BANG>
  ... Your attention shoppers, due to an... incident in the frozen
  food section, all shoppers will be detoured via hygiene products.
  We apologise for any inconvenience. Do not attempt to enter the
  frozen food section. Thank you for shopping at Dangerousway."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
QUIBBLE
  Recreational sport. Quibbling began as a pastime for bored
  consumers. Since then it has spread, and we can soon expect to see
  Olympic Quibbling.
      "Here come's Anderson, Quibbling for Australia... yes, he's
  asking about the discount price... oh, and the special bonus offer.
  That shop assistant's on the run now... and I think he's getting
  ready to deal his most devastating final blow... yes, he's noticed
  the scratch in the upper corner. But oh no! He's just mentioned how
  they used to make them in the old days! Anderson has just
  bullshitted! Sensational news! Anderson, out of the Quibbling Final
  on a bullshit. Tragedy for the young athlete..."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Quick! Act as if nothing has happened
%%
:quick-and-dirty: adj. Describes a {crock} put together under time
   or user pressure.  Used esp. when you want to convey that you think
   the fast way might lead to trouble further down the road.  "I can
   have a quick-and-dirty fix in place tonight, but I'll have to
   rewrite the whole module to solve the underlying design problem."
   See also {kluge}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Quick as a flashlight.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Quick, Boo-Boo, hide the lunch basket!  Here comes the park ranger!
%%
Quick! Bring me a beaker of wine
so that I may wet my mind
and say something clever!
 -- Aristophanes (sp?)
%%
Quick! Close your mind Something might get in.
%%
Quick C. Programmer's quick sand.
%%
Quick! Melchett's dying! We must do something!
Of course...Some sort of celebration...
 -- Queenie and Edmund : Beer
%%
Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Quid enim dicitur? Latine scriptum est.
[What is told then? It is written in Latin.]
%%
"Quid pro quo, Hillary, quid pro quo."
 -- Silence Of The Lambs Pt. 2
%%
"Quid pro quo, Mr. Clinton, quid pro quo."
 -- Silence Of The Lambs Pt. 2
%%
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
[Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound].
%%
Quien mucho abarca poco aprieta (Grab much; gain little).
%%
Quietly rested under the drums and tramplings of three conquests.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Dedication to Urn-Burial, Chap. v
%%
Quiet return. Good fortune.
%%
Quiet, Ringo, Elvis is talking.
 -- From a sketch on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
%%
QUILL, n.  An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly
wielded by an ass.  This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its
modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting
Presence.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Quinn: "Maybe I have been playing politics too long.  Perhaps I see
conspiracies
  ...everywhere."
 -- "Coming Of Age", Stardate unknown
%%
QUIP PRO QUO - A fast retort.
%%
Quis custodiet ipsos Custodes?
[Who guards the Guardians?]
%%
Quit - core dumped
%%
Quite a number of people also describe the German classical author,
Shakespeare as belonging to the English literature, because - quite
accidentally born at Stratford-on-Avon, he was forced by the
authorities of that country to write in English.
 -- 'Deutshcer Weckruf und Beobachter' 1940
%%
Quite content to sit on this fence... quite content, now a little bit older...
%%
Quite frankly I admit that I am not too talented, rather under-educated,
 and not too up on current affairs, decidedly uninterested in sports, and
 additional to all of this I know practically nothing about the stock
 market, money management, international law, how to deal with terrorism and
 protective policy. These at the things that worry me, inasmuch as any day
 now, someone is going to come and ask me to run for President, since so few
 other folks are so well qualified.
%%
Quite frankly, I don't like you humans.
After what you all have done, I find being "inhuman" a compliment.
%%
Quite frankly sir, I've suspected this for some time. Clearly
  Captain Blackadder has been disobeying orders with a breath-taking
  impertinence.
I don't care if he's been rogering the Duke of York with a prize-
  winning leek...!
 -- Cpt. Darling and Melchett : Corporal Punishment
%%
Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/18/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Quite honestly, if you are not confused, you really are not thinking
 clearly.
%%
QUIT is a four letter word!
 -- PC-Hack v. 3.05
%%
Quit looking at fortunes and get back to work|
%%
Quit now, you'll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you'll be
 halfway there.
 -- David Zucker
%%
Qui trop embrasse mal entreint. [Grab much, gain little.]
%%
Quit when you're still behind.
 -- Pierre Salinger
%%
Quit while you're ahead. You may not get another chance.
%%
Quit worrying about your health.  It'll go away.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Quit yourselves like men.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Samuel iv, 9
%%
QUIVER, n.  A portable sheath in which the ancient statesman and the
aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments.

    He extracted from his quiver,
        Did the controversial Roman,
    An argument well fitted
    To the question as submitted,
    Then addressed it to the liver,
        Of the unpersuaded foeman.
                                                        Oglum P. Boomp
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
QUIXOTIC, adj.  Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote.  An insight into
the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily
denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name
is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.

    When ignorance from out of our lives can banish
    Philology, 'tis folly to know Spanish.
                                                            Juan Smith
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Quod licet Iovi non licet bovi.
[What Jove may do, is not permitted to a cow.]
%%
QUORUM, n.  A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to
have their own way and their own way of having it.  In the United
States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on
Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of
Representatives, of the Speaker and the devil.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
QUOTATION, n.  The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
The words erroneously repeated.

    Intent on making his quotation truer,
    He sought the page infallible of Brewer,
    Then made a solemn vow that we would be
    Condemned eternally.  Ah, me, ah, me!
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"             Stumpo Gaker
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:quote chapter and verse: [by analogy with the mainstream phrase]
   v. To cite a relevant excerpt from an appropriate {bible}.  "I
   don't care if `rn' gets it wrong; `Followup-To: poster' is
   explicitly permitted by {RFC}-1036.  I'll quote chapter and
   verse if you don't believe me."  See also {legalese},
   {language lawyer}, {RTFS} (sense 2).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Quote Learned but follow Gus.
 -- Anonymous
 (Learned Hand and his less eloquent but more pragmatic cousin,
 Augustus, both sat on the U.S. Court of Appeals)
%%
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Quote of The Day:
 '
%%
Quote: "Under Construction"
%%
QUOTIENT, n.  A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging
to one person is contained in the pocket of another -- usually about
as many times as it can be got there.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
[Quoting Seneca] Cornelia kept her in talk till her children came
from school, "and these," said she, "are my jewels."
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 3
%%
Q: "Uph, I'm not hungry."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
:quux: /kwuhks/ [Mythically, from the Latin semi-deponent verb
   quuxo, quuxare, quuxandum iri; noun form variously `quux' (plural
   `quuces', anglicized to `quuxes') and `quuxu' (genitive
   plural is `quuxuum', for four u-letters out of seven in all,
   using up all the `u' letters in Scrabble).]  1. Originally, a
   {metasyntactic variable} like {foo} and {foobar}.
   Invented by Guy Steele for precisely this purpose when he was young
   and naive and not yet interacting with the real computing
   community.  Many people invent such words; this one seems simply to
   have been lucky enough to have spread a little.  In an eloquent
   display of poetic justice, it has returned to the originator in the
   form of a nickname.  2. interj. See {foo}; however, denotes very
   little disgust, and is uttered mostly for the sake of the sound of
   it.  3. Guy Steele in his persona as `The Great Quux', which is
   somewhat infamous for light verse and for the `Crunchly' cartoons.
   4. In some circles, used as a punning opposite of `crux'.  "Ah,
   that's the quux of the matter!" implies that the point is
   *not* crucial (compare {tip of the ice-cube}).  5. quuxy:
   adj. Of or pertaining to a quux.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:qux: /kwuhks/ The fourth of the standard {metasyntactic
   variable}, after {baz} and before the quu(u...)x series.
   See {foo}, {bar}, {baz}, {quux}.  This appears to be a
   recent mutation from {quux}, and many versions (especially older
   versions) of the standard series just run {foo}, {bar},
   {baz}, {quux}, ....
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Q: "Very impressive the way you contained that explosion.  What else have you
  done?"
Rogers: "I, I don't understand."
Q: "Telekinesis, teleportation,"  [Looks at Picard]  "Spontaneous combustion of
  someone you don't like.  That sort of thing?"
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Qvid me anxivs svm?
%%
QWA     Quit While Ahead
%%
Q: "Well, if the Calamarians hurry up and finish me off, we can get you back on
  your way."
Q2: "Mmm, afraid I put them on hold too.  You see, there's still this matter of
  the...selfless act."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "We'll just have to see how ready you are!"
Guinan: "Q, *no*!"
 -- "Q Who", Stardate unknown
%%
Q: "Well, there now, that's better.  Crusher gets more shrill with each passing
  year."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
QWERT (kwirt), n. [MW < OW qwertyuiop, a thirteenth]:
 1. a unit of weight equal to 13 poiuyt avoirdupois (or 1.69
kiloliks), commonly used in structural engineering; 2.  [colloq.] one
thirteenth the load that a fully grown sligo can carry; 3. [anat.] a
painful irritation of the dermis in the region of the anus; 4. [slang]
person who excites in others the symptoms of a qwert.
 -- Webster's Middle World Dictionary, 4th ed.
%%
:QWERTY: /kwer'tee/ [from the keycaps at the upper left] adj.
   Pertaining to a standard English-language typewriter keyboard
   (sometimes called the Sholes keyboard after its inventor), as
   opposed to Dvorak or foreign-language layouts or a {space-cadet
   keyboard} or APL keyboard.

   Historical note: The QWERTY layout is a fine example of a {fossil}.
   It is sometimes said that it was designed to slow down the typist,
   but this is wrong; it was designed to allow *faster* typing
 -- -- under a constraint now long obsolete.  In early typewriters,
   fast typing using nearby type-bars jammed the mechanism.  So Sholes
   fiddled the layout to separate the letters of many common digraphs
   (he did a far from perfect job, though; `th', `tr', `ed', and `er',
   for example, each use two nearby keys).  Also, putting the letters
   of `typewriter' on one line allowed it to be typed with particular
   speed and accuracy for {demo}s.  The jamming problem was
   essentially solved soon afterward by a suitable use of springs, but
   the keyboard layout lives on.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
QWERTY
  Type of keyboard designed to slow the typist down and confuse
  people who are learning to type.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
 A:   "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)
%%
Q: What are the four words you don't want to hear while making love?
 A: "Honey, I'm home!"
%%
Q: What causes a bus error?
A: Well, it can happen when the driver has a heart attack.
%%
   Q:  What did Ted Kennedy say when Willy Smith was acquitted?
   A:  PAAARTY!  PAAARTY!  PAAARTY! ...
 -- As told by Jay Leno
%%
Q: What did the blind person say when given some matzah?
A: Who the hell wrote this?
%%
Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikazi pilots
    say to his students?
 A: Watch closely.  I'm only going to do this once.
%%
Q. What do elephants and giraffes have in common?
A. They both have long necks, except for the elephants.
%%
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
 A: A good start!
%%
Q: What do you call a LADA with a turbo?
 A: A Skoda.
%%
Q: What do you call a man who has lost 90% of his intelligence?
A: A widower
%%
Q:  What do you call an Irish pervert?
A:  An Irishman who prefers sex to whiskey.
 -- As told to me by my favorite Irish priest
%%
Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?
 A:   Successive approximations.
%%
Q: What do you call couples that use that rhythm method?
 A: Parents.
%%
Q: What do you call poisoned coffee?
A: Grounds for divorce.
%%
Q: What do you call Willy Wonka's bathroom?
A: The candy man can.
%%
Q: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness and an atheist?
A: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason whatsoever.
%%
Q: What do you get when you cross an ethernet with an income statement?
 A: A local area networth.
%%
Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a   research grant?
 A:  A mad scientist.
%%
Q:  What do you get when you cross James Dean with Ronald Reagan?
A:  A rebel without a clue.
%%
Q: What do you get when you cross PMS with ESP?
 A:  A bitch who thinks she knows everything.
%%
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
 A: An offer you can't understand.
%%
Q: "What else is there?"
Data: "A wide variety of items.  The replicator can make anything you desire."
Q: "How do I know what I desire?"
Data: "I have observed, that the selection of food, is often influenced by the
  mood of the person ordering."
Q: "I'm in a *dreadful* mood.  Get me something appropriate."
Data: "When Counselor Troi is unhappy, she usually eats something chocolate."
Q: "'Chocolate'?"
Data: "Mm.  A chocolate sundae, for example.  Although I do not speak from
  personal experience, I have seen it have a profound psychological impact."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: What happens if you've got TWO flats?
 A: They replace your generator.
%%
Q: What is a Nintendo if you hook up a keyboard?
A: An Amiga.  Attitude sold separately.
%%
Q: What is brown and taps on the window?
 A: A baby in a microwave.
%%
Q: What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a
 tree?
 A: A billiard table.
%%
Q: "What is it about these *squirming* little infants that you find so
  appealing?"
Beverly: "I'm sure that's beyond your comprehension, Q."
Q: "I desparately hope so."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Q: What is "SMOORPLAY"?
 A: It's what SMURFS do before they SMUCK, of course!
%%
Q: What is the Brooklyn alphabet?
 A: Fuckin' A, fuckin' B, fuckin' C, etc.
%%
Q: What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic existentialist?
A: Is there a dog?
%%
Q: What is the primary objective of a street gang member?
A: To pronounce the word "motherfucker" in one syllable.
%%
Q: What is the smallest part in a LADA?
 A: The owners brain.
%%
Q:  What is the worst story Helen Keller ever read?
A:  A cheese grater
%%

Q:  What is your name?
A:  Ernestine McDowell.
Q:  And what is your marital status?
A:  Fair.
 -- Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52
%%
Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea and whimpers?
 A: A nervous wreck.
%%
Q: "What're you doing here?"
Q2: "Oh, I've been trying track of you."
Q: "I always thought you were in my corner."
Q2: "Naw, ah, no, nah.  See, actually I was the one who got you kicked out."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q:  What's a light-year?
A:  One-third less calories than a regular year.
%%
Q: What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?
 A:  Coincidence on 34th Street.
%%
Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on
      Pentiums?
 A:  The warning label.
%%
Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
 A: Truth in advertising.
%%
Q: What's buried in Grant's tomb?
 A: A corpse.
%%
Q: What's Jewish foreplay?
A:  Two hours of begging.
%%
Q: What's pink, 18 inches long, and makes a grown woman scream?
 A: Crib death.
%%
Q: What's pink and hard in the morning?
 A: The Financial Times crossword.
%%
Q: What's red and climb up a womans leg?
 A: A homesick abortion.
%%
Q: What's red and invisible?
 A: Bloody Nothing!
%%
Q. What's red and read?
 A: A sentence with a period.
%%
Q: What's red and silver and bumps into walls?
 A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
%%
Q: What's six foot long, grey and floats in the ocean?
 A: Moby's dick.
%%
Q: What's stiff and excites women?
 A: Elvis Presley.
%%
Q: What's the definition of Australian foreplay?
 A: "Are you awake Sheila?"
%%
Q: "What's the difference between a Design Rule and a Guideline?"
A: "Design Rules are violated  ...  Guidelines just get ignored."
%%
Q: What's the difference between a Lawyer and a Plumber?
A: A Plumber works to _unclog_ the system.
%%
Q: What's the difference between hard and dark?
 A: It stays dark all night.
%%
Q. What's the difference between Noah's Ark and Joan of Arc?
A. Noah's Ark was made of wood; Joan of Arc was Maid of Orleans.
%%
Q:  What's the difference between your mother-in-law and a vulture?
A:  The vulture waits until you're dead.
%%
Q: What's the male equivalent of the maternity dress?
A: The paternity suit.
%%
Q: What's the most painful part of a sex change operation for a man?
 A: The removal of the brain and the widening of the mouth!
%%
Q: What time of day was Adam born?
 A: A little before Eve.
%%
Q: What was John Sununu's least offensive ethics violation?
A: He used to make Dan Quayle wash his car.
%%
Q: When a person dies, people refer to them as the "late." What are they
 late for?

 A: Everything.
%%
Q. When is a door not a door?
A. When it's Val Kilmer.
%%
Q:  Where can you buy black lace crotchless panties for sheep?
A:  Fredrick's of Ithaca, New York.
%%
Q: "Where's the Main Shuttlebay?"
Computer: "Main Shuttlebay is located on Deck Four."
Q: "Take me there."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
 A:   Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got
     585.999983605.
%%
Q: Why did the first koala fall out of the tree?
 A: It was dead!

 Q: Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
 A: The first one hit it on the way down.

 Q: Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
 A: It thought suicide was in so it jumped!
%%
Q. Why did the L.A. cops leave the ballgame early?
A. They wanted to beat the crowd.
%%
Q: Why do anarchists drink only herbal tea?
A: Because proper tea is theft.
%%
Q:  Why do ducks have flat feet?
A:  To stamp out forest fires.

Q:  Why do elephants have flat feet?
A:  To stamp out flaming ducks.
%%
Q: Why do LADA's have heated rear windscreens?
 A: To keep your hands warm when your pushing them.
%%
Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
 A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
%%
Q:  Why don't blind people go bungie jumping?
A:  Scares the dog.
%%
Q: Why do women change their minds so often?
A: To keep them clean.
%%
Q. Why should you always take 2 Baptists with you when you go fishing?
A. Because if you only take 1, he'll drink all your beer!
%%
Q: "Why?  Why, to give you a taste of your future...a preview of things
to come.
  Con permiso, capitan?  The hall's been rented, the orchestra engaged...it's
  time to see if you can *dance*."
 -- "Q Who", Stardate unknown
%%
Q: Why won't Mexicans let their children marry Puerto Ricans?
 A: Because their children would be to lazy to steal.
%%
"QWK! QWK! QWK!"
 -- Mating Call Of The Mail Duck
%%
Q: "You can't do this to me, Jean-Luc."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
"Q, you can't kill ME!"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Q: "You don't believe me, do you?  Do you think I would humiliate myself like
  this?"
Riker: "If it served your purpose, yes!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "You have a moon in a deteriorating orbit.  I've known moons throughout
the  universe.  Big ones, small ones, I'm an expert.  I could help
you with this  one, if you'll let me out of here." Picard: "Q, there
are millions of lives at risk.  If you have the power--" Q: "I don't
have any powers!  But I have the knowledge, locked up in this *puny*
 brain!  You cannot afford to not take that advantage, can't you?"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "Your bedside manner is admirable, Doctor.  I'm sure your patients recover
  quickly, just to get away from you."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "You're right, of course.  I'm extraordinarily selfish.  But it
has served me
  so well in the past."
Picard: "It will not serve you here."
Q: "Don't be so hard on me, Jean-Luc.  You've been mortal all of your life, you
  know about dying.  I've never even given it a second-thought...or a first one
  for that matter.  I could've been killed.  If it hadn't been for Data, and
  that brief little he created, I would've been gone.  No more me.  And no one
  would've missed me, would they?"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Q: "You've disappointed me, Jean-Luc.  I'm very disappointed!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
R2D2 is a renegade Dalek
%%
R2D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer.
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
RAAAIIID!!!???
%%
Raaspberry! There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry!
%%
:rabbit job: [Cambridge] n. A batch job that does little, if any,
   real work, but creates one or more copies of itself, breeding like
   rabbits.  Compare {wabbit}, {fork bomb}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rabbits reproduce like taglines.
%%
Rabble: In a republic, those who hold supreme power tempered by
       fraudulent elections.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RABBLE, n.  In a republic, those who exercise a supreme authority
tempered by fraudulent elections.  The rabble is like the sacred
Simurgh, of Arabian fable -- omnipotent on condition that it do
nothing.  (The word is Aristocratese, and has no exact equivalent in
our tongue, but means, as nearly as may be, "soaring swine.")
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Race Car spelled backwards is Race Car!
%%
RACERS do it with their horses.
%%
Racers like to come in first.
%%
 "Race To The Outhouse" by Willie Maykit
         Illustrated by Betty Doant, foreward by Betty Woant
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because
they are not.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew ii, 18; Jeremiah xxxi, 15
%%
Racial characteristics: violently loud alcoholic roughnec
%%
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
%%
Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he'd come in third.
%%
Racism hurts everyone.
%%
Racism is man's gravest threat to man -
the maximum of hatred for a minimum of reason.
 -- Abraham Joshua Heschel
%%
Racism is the snobbery of the poor.
 -- Raymond Aron
%%
Racketeering: Dennis Court
%%
RACK, n.  An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading
devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth.  As a call to
the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now
held in light popular esteem.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rack of Raccoon
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Racquetball players do it off the wall.
%%
Radar: Extremely realistic kind of electronic game often found on larger
sailboats.
 -- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Radar repaired sir.  We're picking up the outline of a... Winabego?
%%
Radiating from the dark side of Mongol...
%%
RADIATION AREA: Pre-faded genes only.
%%
Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.
%%
RADICAL: A person whose left hand does know what his other left hand is doing.
 -- Bernard Rosenberg
%%
RADICALISM, n.  The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the
affairs of to-day.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Radio 98RDU     We got a fax!;   _AND_  a photocopier!!
%%
Radioactive cats are very, very HOT!
%%
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
%%
Radioactive Giant Space Hamster.
%%
Radioactive Halibut makes great fission chips!
%%
RADIOACTIVE: if you can read this you're sterile
%%
RADIO AMATEURS do it with more frequency
%%
RADIO AMATEURS do it with two meters.
%%
Radio and TV Announcers broadcast it.
%%
Radio/Broadcasting Students do it till it Mega-Hertz!
%%
Radiocasters do it in the air.
%%
Radio control is cooool, heh heh heh heh
%%
Radio Engineers do it till it MegaHertz.
%%
Radio Engineers do it with Frequency.
%%
Radio KPLA:  All Klingon opera, all the time.
%%
Radiolimbo: long stretches of highway where there is no decent radio.
%%
Radiologists do it with high frequency.
%%
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
%%
RADIUM, n.  A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ
that a scientist is a fool with.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rafael made a century of sonnets.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- One Word More, ii
%%
Raffert was dying. It's difficult to be neat under those
circumstances...
 -- Avon
%%
"Raffinerat ist der Herr Gott, aber boshaft ist Er nicht."
(God is subtle, but He is not malicious.)
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Raffi raffi bo baffi bananamana mo maffi fe fi fo faffi RAFFI!!!
%%
RAFFLE
  A way to get you to spend $2 in the mistaken belief that you have a
  newt's chance in a grinder of winning a hamper/car/holiday. There's
  something just not quite right about the principle of making money
  for charities which involves giving away expensive prizes. There's
  probably a loop-hole in the raffle laws that allows the raffle
  organisers *not* to give away prizes if the proceeds are to
  charity.
      Most proceeds actually go to rebuilding churches, upgrading
  kindergartens, etc. The more dubious ones go to sending brass bands
  to Queensland, building athletics clubs, and of course the newly
  created Custard Development Fund. The Custard Development Fund is
  dedicated to sending the author of Toxic Custard on a Hawaiian
  holiday.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Ragchewers do not squeeze everyone else off.
%%
Rage is a wind that blows out the candle of reason.
%%
Rah Rah Ree
Kick 'em in the knee
Rah Rah Rass
Kick 'em in the other knee.
%%
RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!!
%%
 ("Raiders of the Lost Ark" in background:)  You've reached the
 residence of John and Tom.  We can't come to the phone right
 now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator.  Please leave your
 name and number, and we'll get back to you.
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
RAID - Kills bugs DEAD!!!
%%
RAILROADERS do it on track
%%
RAILROAD, n.  The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get
away from where we are to wher we are no better off.  For this purpose
the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits
him to make the transit with great expedition.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rails - - NOT Trails
%%
Railway crossing are *OBVIOUSLY*  No Parking Zones!!!
%%
RAIN
  Another one of those things that is great to watch when you're not
  caught in it. Perhaps what we need to do is somehow make
  intelligent clouds that rain, but not actually *on* people.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Rainbows apologize for angry skies.
%%
:rainbow series: n. Any of several series of technical manuals
   distinguished by cover color.  The original rainbow series was the
   NCSC security manuals (see {Orange Book}, {crayola books});
   the term has also been commonly applied to the PostScript reference
   set (see {Red Book}, {Green Book}, {Blue Book}, {White
   Book}).  Which books are meant by "`the' rainbow series"
   unqualified is thus dependent on one's local technical culture.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:rain dance: n. 1. Any ceremonial action taken to correct a
   hardware problem, with the expectation that nothing will be
   accomplished.  This especially applies to reseating printed circuit
   boards, reconnecting cables, etc.  "I can't boot up the machine.
   We'll have to wait for Greg to do his rain dance."  2. Any arcane
   sequence of actions performed with computers or software in order
   to achieve some goal; the term is usually restricted to rituals
   that include both an {incantation} or two and physical activity
   or motion.  Compare {magic}, {voodoo programming}, {black
   art}, {cargo cult programming}, {wave a dead chicken}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
rainfly: pesky insect that only appears during wet weather.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Rainforest: a scarcity of animals a plethora of tourists.
%%
Raining cats and dogs is better than hailing taxis.
%%
Rain on a tin roof sounds like a drum. We're marching for freedom today,
 hey!    Turn on your headlights and sound your horn if people get in the way.
 -- Raymond Scum
%%
Rain Rain Go away! Come Again Some Other Day!
%%
Rain-soaked and voice-choked like silent screaming in a dream...
 -- Indigo Girls
%%
Rain: The gods are washing their windows.
%%
Rain was bad enough when it still consisted of water only.
%%
Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
%%
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
%%
Rainy days and Mondays really suck.
%%
RAI: Randomize Accounting Information
%%
Raised by psychopathic werewolves
%%
Raise ducks for a quack profit.
%%
Raise hell with politicians.  They make the laws.
%%
Raise the wages of sin.
%%
Raise your IQ - Eat Mensans.
%%
Raise your sail one foot and you get ten feet of wind.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Raising Flowers By Hand: Flo Wrist
%%
Raising Kids is like herding cats
%%
Raising Microsoft bashing to an art form!
%%
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
%%
Raising your voice does not reinforce your argument.
%%
Raisins: prunes for midgets.
%%
Raisins: prunes on steroids.
%%
Rally drivers do it sideways.
%%
Ralph: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right.
Ralph: Well, you could try.
%%
  RALPH THE PERVERT (1214-1261)
    St Ralph was best known for his dubious pursuits involving furry
    animals, something that was, and still is denied by the church.
    In 1253 he formed the Society of Hamster Strangling, which became
    an underground organisation soon afterwards, and whose members
    still occupy parts of Brussels.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
RAM - a male sheep. ROM - a ram after a delicate operation.
%%
Ramble on.....
%%
Rambo is a pussy.
 -- Stalone: Tango & Cash.
%%
RAMBO XIV....This time it's optional!
%%
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
%%
RAMDRIVE:Last Resort Install Procedure For New Hard Drive
%%
Ramdrive mated with a ewedrive -< lambdrive.
%%
Ram her Rom, before she backs you up, for another day.
%%
Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party.
%%
Rampart Public Library.
Library Research Fee: 1000Au.
Pay the fee? [yn]
No payee, No Studee.
%%
RAM: Radar Absobent Material
%%
RAM: Randomly Access Memory
%%
RAM: Rarely Adequate Memory    (it only SIMMS like that!)
%%
RAM: Read Ambiguous Memory
%%
RAM     Reorganize and Abort Monitor
%%
Ram's Bladder Cup.  Now, what sort of confectionery is that?
%%
RAMSHACKLE, adj.  Pertaining to a certain order of architecture,
otherwise known as the Normal American.  Most of the public buildings
of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our
earlier architects preferred the Ironic.  Recent additions to the
White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of
the Dorians.  They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a
brick.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RAMsom, what you pay to sloppy programmers.
%%
Ram: What you do to the side of your computer
 when it's not working properly.
%%
Ranchers do it with cows and sheep.
%%
Rand: "Do we report this, sir?"
Sulu: "Are you kidding?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Randel, n.:
   A nonsensical poem recited by Irish schoolboys as an apology
for farting at a friend.
 -- Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure &
                 Preposterous Words
%%
Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
%%
Random answers are my specialty!
%%
RANDOM:
as in number, predictable.
as in memory access, unpredictable.
%%
Random: deterministic in a way I can't determine.
%%
Random dropouts courtesy of TELECOM AUSTRALIA.
%%
Random emergencies tend to accumulate to await the most inconvenient time
 to occur simultaneously in the most disastrous manner. The person in charge
 at the time will be the most inept. The solutions applied at the time will
 be the most unheard of and impossible, absolutely unworkable imaginings of
 a truly ignorant person. Everything will work out well until a truly
 competent expert shows up, and then the real trouble starts.
%%
Random events tend to occur in groups.
 -- Tylczak's probability postulate
%%
 Random fact number 10:  The first manned mission to Jupiter will
 be crewed by the Smiths.  Random fact number 64:  Dairy Queen
 discovered cold temperature fusion before the bums in Utah.
 Random fact number 36:  Bren's not here and he wants you leave a
 message.  Random fact number 22:  Bismarck is the capital of
 North Dakota.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
:randomness: n. 1. An inexplicable misfeature; gratuitous
   inelegance.  2. A {hack} or {crock} that depends on a complex
   combination of coincidences (or, possibly, the combination upon
   which the crock depends for its accidental failure to malfunction).
   "This hack can output characters 40--57 by putting the character
   in the four-bit accumulator field of an XCT and then extracting
   six bits --- the low 2 bits of the XCT opcode are the right
   thing."  "What randomness!"  3. Of people, synonymous with
   `flakiness'.  The connotation is that the person so described is
   behaving weirdly, incompetently, or inappropriately for reasons
   which are (a) too tiresome to bother inquiring into, (b) are
   probably as inscrutable as quantum phenomena anyway, and (c) are
   likely to pass with time. "Maybe he has a real complaint, or maybe
   it's just randomness.  See if he calls back."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Randomness: The property required to make statistical calculation
come out right.
%%
Random order is an oxymoron.
%%
Random stomping seldom catches bugs.
%%
Range of Light:
Looking eastward from the summit of Pacheco Pass one shining morning, a
landscape was displayed that after all my wanderings still appears as the
most beautiful I have ever beheld. At my feet lay the Great Central Valley
of California, level and flowery, like a lake of pure sunshine, forty or
fifty miles wide, five hundred miles long, one rich furred garden of yellow
Compositae. And from the eastern boundary of this vast golden flower-bed
rose the mighty Sierra, miles in height, and so gloriously colored and so
radiant, it seemed not clothed with light but wholly composed of it, like
the wall of some celestial city.... Then it seemed to me that the Sierra
should be called, not the Nevada or Snowy Range, but the Range of Light.
And after ten years of wandering and wondering in the heart of it,
rejoicing in its glorious floods of light, the white beams of the morning
streaming through the passes, the noonday radiance on the crystal rocks,
the flush of the alpenglow, and the irised spray of countless waterfalls,
it still seems above all others the Range of Light.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Ranger is very!
%%
Rangers do it in the woods.
%%
Rangers do it with all the animals in the woods.
%%
Rangers In The Night: Forrest Fyar
%%
Rank and salary are proportional to the power/competence ratio.
%%
Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXVII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Rank has its privileges.
%%
RANK, n.  Relative elevation in the scale of human worth.

    He held at court a rank so high
    That other noblemen asked why.
    "Because," 'twas answered, "others lack
    His skill to scratch the royal back."
                                                          Aramis Jukes
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ran on embattled armies clad in iron,
And, weaponless himself,
Made arms ridiculous.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 129
%%
RAN: RANdom opcode [similar to 16-bit what gate]
%%
RANSOM, n.  The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller,
nor can belong to the buyer.  The most unprofitable of investments.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RAPACITY, n.  Providence without industry.  The thrift of power.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rape!! The world has been Saddamized by Iraq!
%%
:rape: vt. 1. To {screw} someone or something, violently; in
   particular, to destroy a program or information irrecoverably.
   Often used in describing file-system damage.  "So-and-so was
   running a program that did absolute disk I/O and ended up raping
   the master directory."  2. To strip a piece of hardware for parts.
   3. [CMU/Pitt] To mass-copy files from an anonymous ftp site.
   "Last night I raped Simtel's dskutl directory."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rapid transit
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Rap is to music what traffic court is to justice.
%%
Rap MUSIC is an oxymoron....
%%
Rapoport's Rule of the Roller-Skate Key: Certain items which are
crucial to a given activity will show up with uncommon regularity
until the day when that activity is planned, at which point the item
in question will disappear from the face of the earth.
 -- Dan Rapoport
%%
Rapunzel, Rapunzel!: Harris Long
%%
RAQUETBALL PLAYERS do it with blue balls
%%
RA: Randomize Answer
%%
RAREBIT, n.  A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point
out that it is not a rabbit.  To whom it may be solemnly explained
that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and
that _riz-de-veau a la financiere_ is not the smile of a calf prepared
after the recipe of a she banker.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rare Book:  One that comes back after you've lent it.
%%
Rare gift! but oh what gift to fools avails!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book x, Line 29
%%
"Rare" means "Raw".  "Well done" means "burned".
%%
:rare mode: [UNIX] adj. CBREAK mode (character-by-character with
   interrupts enabled).  Distinguished from {raw mode} and {cooked
   mode}; the phrase "a sort of half-cooked (rare?) mode" is used
   in the V7/BSD manuals to describe the mode.  Usage: rare.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rascal, am I?  Take THAT!
 -- Errol Flynn
%%
Rascality has limits; stupidity has not.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
%%
RASCALITY, n.  Stupidity militant.  The activity of a clouded
intellect.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RASCAL, n.  A fool considered under another aspect.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RASC: Read And Shred Card
%%
RASH, adj.  Insensible to the value of our advice.

    "Now lay your bet with mine, nor let
        These gamblers take your cash."
    "Nay, this child makes no bet."  "Great snakes!
        How can you be so rash?"
                                                        Bootle P. Gish
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rashness attends youth, as prudence does old age.
 -- Cicero
%%
Rasputin's Revenge: Vodka and Strawberry diet Yoohoo.
%%
:raster blaster: n. [Cambridge] Specialized hardware for
   {bitblt} operations (a {blitter}).  Allegedly inspired by
   `Rasta Blasta', British slang for the sort of portable stereo
   Americans call a `boom box' or `ghetto blaster'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:raster burn: n. Eyestrain brought on by too many hours of looking at
   low-res, poorly tuned, or glare-ridden monitors, esp. graphics
   monitors.  See {terminal illness}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
RAST: Read And Shred Tape
%%
:rat belt: n. A cable tie, esp. the sawtoothed, self-locking plastic
   kind that you can remove only by cutting (as opposed to a random
   twist of wire or a twist tie or one of those humongous metal clip
   frobs).  Small cable ties are `mouse belts'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart.
%%
Rated Number One by Top Gynecologists...
%%
Rate Equations:  (Verb phrase)  To give a grade or a ranking to a
   formula based on its utility and applicability.  H=E,
   for example, applies to everything everywhere, and
   therefore rates an A.  pV=nRT, on the other hand, is
   good only for nonexistent gases and thus receives
   only a D+, but this grade can be changed to a B- if
   enough empirical virial coefficients are added.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Rather than be less,
Car'd not to be at all.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 47
%%
Rather than men in my life, I prefer life in my men.
 -- Mae West
%%
RATIONAL, adj.  Devoid of all delusions save those of observation,
experience and reflection.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rats and roaches live by competition under the laws of supply and
demand; it is the privilege of human beings to live under the laws of
justice and mercy.
 -- Wendell Berry
%%
"Rats!  Big Motherfucking Rats!"
 -- Walt Disney, when asked what his vision for Disney World was
%%
Rats live on no evil star.
%%
Rats: mice with extremely bad attitudes.
%%
Rats! My fiwer must have slipped.
%%
Ratta tat tat, jacker on his back...
%%
Ratta tat tat, Never hesitate to put a nigga on his back.
%%
RATTLESNAKE, n.  Our prostrate brother, _Homo ventrambulans_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rattlesnake speedway in the Utah desert,
I pick up my money and head back into to town.
%%
Rattling around the back of my head is a disturbing image of something
I saw at the airport ... Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of
computer magazines right next to People and Time in the airport
store.      Does it bother anyone else that half the world is being told
all of our hard-won secrets of computer technology?  Remember how all
the lawyers cried foul when How to Avoid Probate was published?    Are
they taking no-fault insurance lying down?  No way!  But at the current
rate it won't be long before there are stacks of the Transactions on
Information Theory at the A&P checkout counters.    Who's going to be
impressed with us electrical engineers then?  Are we, as the saying
goes, giving away the store?
 -- Robert W. Lucky, IEEE President
%%
RAU: Ridicule All Users
%%
:rave on!: imp. Sarcastic invitation to continue a {rave}, often by
   someone who wishes the raver would get a clue but realizes this is
   unlikely.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:rave: [WPI] vi. 1. To persist in discussing a specific subject.
   2. To speak authoritatively on a subject about which one knows
   very little.  3. To complain to a person who is not in a position
   to correct the difficulty.  4. To purposely annoy another person
   verbally.  5. To evangelize.  See {flame}.  6. Also used to
   describe a less negative form of blather, such as friendly
   bullshitting.  `Rave' differs slightly from {flame} in that
   `rave' implies that it is the persistence or obliviousness of the
   person speaking that is annoying, while {flame} implies somewhat
   more strongly that the tone or content is offensive as well.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:ravs: /ravz/, also `Chinese ravs' n. Jiao-zi (steamed or
   boiled) or Guo-tie (pan-fried).  A Chinese appetizer, known
   variously in the plural as dumplings, pot stickers (the literal
   translation of guo-tie), and (around Boston) `Peking Ravioli'.  The
   term `rav' is short for `ravioli', which among hackers always
   means the Chinese kind rather than the Italian kind.  Both consist
   of a filling in a pasta shell, but the Chinese kind includes no
   cheese, uses a thinner pasta, has a pork-vegetable filling (good
   ones include Chinese chives), and is cooked differently, either by
   steaming or frying.  A rav or dumpling can be cooked any way, but a
   potsticker is always the fried kind (so called because it sticks to
   the frying pot and has to be scraped off).  "Let's get
   hot-and-sour soup and three orders of ravs."  See also
   {{oriental food}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Raw Data: A naked android.
%%
Raw data for raw nerves.
 -- The Temple of the Screaming Electron
%%
:raw mode: n. A mode that allows a program to transfer bits
   directly to or from an I/O device (or, under {bogus} systems
   that make a distinction, a disk file) without any processing,
   abstraction, or interpretation by the operating system.  Compare
   {rare mode}, {cooked mode}.  This is techspeak under UNIX,
   jargon elsewhere.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Raw uranium gives you atomic ache
%%
Rayce, The Choice Of ParaMoGnuMorph Generation
%%
Ray Charles is outta sight!
%%
Raymond Burr the Maine.
%%
Ray's Hangover Cure: Stay drunk!
%%
Ray, take care of this!
%%
Ray-tracing:  What you see is based on how long you wait.
%%

RAZORBACK: Paul Harbride, 1984, 2 hours 25 min.
  One of the great Australian films of the early 1980's, and
arguably the best movie ever made about a large, man-eating
hog.  Some violence.  With Gregory Harrison.
 -- FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS! #6
%%
------ Razor: File version control with integrated problem tracking -------
%%
RAZOR, n.  An instrument used by the Caucasian to enhance his beauty,
by the Mongolian to make a guy of himself, and by the Afro-American to
affirm his worth.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs give you cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful,
You might as well live.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
Razzle needs Dazzle or it's too onesided.
%%
RBAO: Ring Bell and Annoy Operator
%%
R:Base 3.1: debased R:Base.
%%
R:BASE is a constant intrusion on my dreams.
%%
RBBS?
%%
RBG     Random Bug Generate
%%
RBLY: Restore Back-up from Last Year
%%
RBR: Remove Bits Randomly
%%
RBT: Read Blank Tape
%%
RBT: Rewind and Break Tape
%%
RCAJ: Read Card And Jam
%%
RCB     Read Commands Backwards
%%
RCB: Run Clock Backwards
%%
RCCP: Randomly Corrupt Current Process
%%
RCC: Read Card and Chew
%%
:rc file: /R-C fi:l/ [UNIX: from the startup script
   `/etc/rc', but this is commonly believed to have been named
   after older scripts to `run commands'] n. Script file containing
   startup instructions for an application program (or an entire
   operating system), usually a text file containing commands of the
   sort that might have been invoked manually once the system was
   running but are to be executed automatically each time the system
   starts up.  See also {dot file}, {profile} (sense 1).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
RCF: Rewind Cabinet Fans
%%
RCKG: Read Count Key and Garbage
%%
RCL: Rotate Carry Left
%%
RCM: Randomly Corrupt Microcode
%%
RCP: Reschedule Car Payments
%%
RC: Rewind Core
%%
RCR: Rewind Card Reader
%%
RCRV: Randomly Convert to Reverse Video
%%
RCSD: Read Card and Scramble Data
%%
RC< SF< GP< WD< KF< JP< MM< BG< JH< MF< LM< RW< DH< Stop quoting this!
%%
RCS: Read Card and Scramble data
%%
RCS: Read Card Sideways
%%
RDA: Refuse to Disclose Answer
%%
RDB: Replace Database with Blanks
%%
RDB: Run Disk Backwards
%%
RDDBF: Rock Disk Drive Back and Forth
%%
RDD: Reverse Disk Drive
%%
RDEB: Read and Drop Even number of Bits
%%
RDF: Randomize Directory Filenames
%%
RDI     Reverse Disk Immediate
%%
RDI: Rewind Disk Immediate
%%
R&D is not something that can be useful alone... R&D is part of a product-
 making process.
 -- Ralph E. Gomory, Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, New York City
%%
RDLI: Rotate Disk Left Immediate
%%
RDL: Rotate Disk Left
%%
RD: Randomize Data
%%
RD: Reverse Directions
%%
RD    Rewind Disk
%%
RDRI: Rotate Disk Right Immediate
%%
RDR: Reverse Disk Rotation
%%
RDR: Rotate Disk Right
%%
RDS: ReaD Sideways
%%
Reach high, for the stars lie hidden in your soul.  Dream deep, for
every dream precedes the goal.
 -- Pamela Vaull Starr
%%
Reach high! The best is always kept
Upon life's topmost shelves,
But not beyond our reach if we
Will reach beyond ourselves.
 -- Helen Laurie Marshall
%%
REACH, n.  The radius of action of the human hand.  The area within
which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the
propensity to provide.

    This is a truth, as old as the hills,
        That life and experience teach:
    The poor man suffers that keenest of ills,
        An impediment of his reach.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reach out and touch someone - just be careful where.
%%
Reach out & touch someone....OUCH!!!!!
%%
Read a good book.
%%
Read all the Shakespeare you can; if you can play Shakespeare, you can play
 anything.
 -- John Carradine
%%
Read all you want...I'll write more!
%%
Read and listen for what is missing. Many advisors are quite capable
of stating how to improve what has been proposed, or what's wrong.
Few seem capable of sensing what isn't there.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Read. And think. But as little as possible about sports.
 -- Thomas Boswell (to sportswriters)
%%
Read books : There is no tax on it as of now!
%%
Read enclosed instructions carefully before opening.
%%
Reader Mail - Or - Maybe It's That Same Old Postcard We Didn't Throw Away!
 How can you? After you promised! You said you would not say anything more
 about our nice Vice President! Just this very minute, you did it again. You
 ought to be ashamed of yourself! He is, after all, a very fine upstanding
 young man of great character and wonderful parentage and all that, so knock
 it off!
%%
Reader not found, please notify tagline.
%%
READ ERROR: Remove cat from drive A:
%%
Readers are the best publicity for a book.
%%
Readers beware: I don't know what I'm saying.
%%
READERS DIGEST
  Ever wondered how effective those mailing campaigns are? Toxic
  Custard has obtained this internal Readers Digest report.
  Summary of mailing campaign:
    43,000 sent competition letter
    15,000 stupid enough to send back entry form
    15,000 sent secondary draw letter with offer of Readers Digest
             sample and exclusive small brass token
    3,000  request Readers Digest sample
    3,000  sent Readers Digest sample with subscription offer
    9      subscribe
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Readers of the lost .ARC
%%
Read every day something no one else is reading.
Think every day something no one else is thinking.
It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity.
 -- Christopher Morley
%%
Read Homer once, and you can read no more;
For all books else appear so mean, so poor,
Verse will seem prose; but still persist to read,
And Homer will be all the books you need.
 -- Sheffield, Duke of Buckinghamshire (1649-1720)
 -- Essay on Poetry
%%
Reading begets Reading
%%
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is a frustrating as reading sex
 manuals without the software.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk.
%%
(reading from tombstone) '...William Greaves, born 1513 in Chelmsford
  with the love of Christ...died 1563...in agony...with a spike up his
  bottom'.
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is
thinking that makes what we read ours.
 -- John Locke
%%
:Reading Habits:
Omnivorous, but usually includes lots of science and science fiction.
The typical hacker household might subscribe to "Analog", "Scientific
American", "Co-Evolution Quarterly", and "Smithsonian".  Hackers often
have a reading range that astonishes liberal arts people but tend not to
talk about it as much.  Many hackers spend as much of their spare time
reading as the average American burns up watching TV, and often keep
shelves and shelves of well-thumbed books in their homes.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Reading Herbert will disgust you, but in one case it might be enlightening.
%%
Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.
%%
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
%%
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
 -- Sir Richard Steele (1672-1729)
%%
Reading - It's not a pastime - it's an addiction.
%%
Reading legal mush can turn your brain to guacamole
 -- Amiga ROM Kernel Manual
%%
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman,
but believing what he read made him mad.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Studies
%%
Reading might change your vision.
%%
Reading might improve your scope.
%%
READING, n.  The general body of what one reads.  In our country it
consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and
humor in slang.

    We know by one's reading
    His learning and breeding;
    By what draws his laughter
    We know his Hereafter.
    Read nothing, laugh never --
    The Sphinx was less clever!
                                                          Jupiter Muke
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reading science fiction can save you from MindLock.
%%
Reading takes time. It's FUNNER on RIME.
%%
Reading the net is like trying to drink from a
firehose.  Posting to the net is like shouting at people as
they go past on a roller coaster.  Archiving the net is like
washing toilet paper.
%%
Reading this posting obligates you to concur with all opinions therein.
%%
Reading Tolkien might help you.
%%
Reading what they never wrote,
Just fifteen minutes, huddle up their work,
And with a well-bred whisper close the scene.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 411
%%
Reading without thinking is like eating without going to the toilet.
 Eventually, something backs up, and it is not good.
%%
Reading, writing.  Who cares about arithmetic?
%%
Read in the "Letters to the Editor" column of "TIME" in response to an
article on teen suicide: "People should be aware of the dangers of killing
themselves."
%%
"Read it?  Good God, no!  It's bad enough to write such a thing."
 -- Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Collect for the Second Sunday in Advent
%%
Read me.
%%
:README file: n. Hacker's-eye introduction traditionally included
   in the top-level directory of a UNIX source distribution,
   containing a pointer to more detailed documentation, credits,
   miscellaneous revision history, notes, etc.  (The file may be named
   README, or READ.ME, or rarely ReadMe or readme.txt or some other
   variant.)  In the Mac and PC worlds, software is not usually
   distributed in source form, and the README is more likely to
   contain user-oriented material like last-minute documentation
   changes, error workarounds, and restrictions.  When asked, hackers
   invariably relate the README convention to the famous scene in
   Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland" in which
   Alice confronts magic munchies labeled "Eat Me" and "Drink Me".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Read me!

Read me and judge if you understand!
So you stopped in your journey because I called, scenting something unusual,
something droll. Thus, although I am nothing, and even less, there is no one
that sees me but lingers here.
Stranger, I am a law of the universe.
Stranger, render the law what is due the law!
%%
Read messages, not taglines.
%%
Read much, but not too many books.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
%%
Read my code:  no new features!
%%
Read my lips--know new taxes.
 -- George Bush
%%
Read my lips...  No more cows, man.
%%
Read my lips - no new taxes.
 -- George Bush
%%
Read my Lisp...no new syntax.  (nil)
%%
Read my little fable:
  He that runs may read.
Most can raise the flowers now,
  For all have got the seed.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Flower
%%
Read my quips! NO NEW TAGLINES TAXES!
%%
Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted,
nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
:read-only user: n. Describes a {luser} who uses computers almost
   exclusively for reading USENET, bulletin boards, and/or email,
   rather than writing code or purveying useful information.  See
   {twink}, {terminal junkie}, {lurker}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ReadRoom door, catching phone lines on fire near you!
%%
(reads) 'Congratulations on choosing the Armitage-Whitworth Four
  Pounder Cannnonette. Please read the instructions carefully and
  it should give you years of trouble-free maiming...'
 -- Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
Reads Homer in the original Greek, but doesn't know Greek.
%%
Read "Sleeping Your Way to the Top" by Hillary Clinton.
%%
(reads) 'Lovely little dumpling, how in love I am,
         Let me be your shepherdkins, you can be my lamb.'
...Well, I think we'll be very lucky if she doesn't just come out
  onto the balcony and _vomit_ over us...
 -- George : Amy and Amiability
%%
(reads) 'Medium sized insectivore with protruding nasal implement'
  ...doesn't sound much like a bee to me...
It's an aardvark!! Can't you see that, your Highness, it's a bloody
  aardvark!!!!
 -- George and Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
Read the best books first, or you may not have a chance to read them all.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Read the Bible - It'll scare the hell out of you.
%%
Read the docs. If that doesn't work, follow them.
%%
Read the docs. Wow, what a radical concept!
%%
Read the dox?!!? Yea, rite...
%%
Read the manual before entering the cave -
 You might get killed otherwise.
%%
Read the manual? Doesn't it come in automatic?
%%
Read the manual? Why, whatever for?
%%
Read the next message STUPID....!
%%
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested Versions of
 the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May
 Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
%%
                 ,,,,,,,
   ,-._______,  .```````.  Read this
--' ///______]  {(O)-(O)}  message or
   / _/C)        \  U  /   we'll shoot
--/__=            \ 0 /    this computer
                   |-|     geek.
%%
Read this tagline, or we shoot this dog.
%%
Read to diffcult are sentences not the order in words with.
%%
Read WHAT docs?????????
%%
Read what I mean, not what I write.
%%
Read what you've written aloud--you'll learn the rhythms that work for you.
 -- Nat Hentoff
%%
Ready for this one....cable television is bidding for the right to telecast
 grade school basketball games. This tells you about how exciting the
 programs are going to be. Maybe we can get Phil to extend his program for
 another hour.
%%
Ready or not, springhead, here I come!
%%
Read. You may learn something!!!
%%
Read your Company Business Practices.
%%
Read your newspaper: an informed citizen panics more intelligently.
%%
Ready...Set...: Sadie Word
%%
Ready to check in at the HaHa Hilton.
%%
Ready to join the Anti-Mensa Society.
%%
Reagan/Bush era was responsible for slavery.
 -- Liberal history revision
%%
Reagan can't act either
%%
Reagan:  He's not the president, but he once played one on TV.
%%
Reagan is proof that there is life after death.
%%
Reagan is the first president to be accompanied by a Silly Statement Repair
Team.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
Reaganomics works!  Just ask any millionaire.
%%
"Reagan sees UFO and orders his pilot: Follow it!"
 -- NATIONAL ENQUIRER Headline
%%
REAGAN SOCKS!
 -- Opus
%%
REAGAN virus: your computer has no memory at all.
%%
Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead
%%
Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter.  Had he run unopposed he
would have lost.
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
:real: adj. Not simulated.  Often used as a specific antonym to
   {virtual} in any of its jargon senses.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Real Ale - reaches the parts Heineken daren't mention.
%%
REAL BOSTONIANS decorate an apartment the old-fashioned way ...
    ... they fern it.
%%
Real christians don't have moccasins.  They have real sins.
%%
Real computer scientists admire ADA for its overwhelming aesthetic
value but they find it difficult to actually program in it, as it is
much too large to implement.  Most computer scientists don't notice
this because they are still arguing over what else to add to ADA.
%%
Real computer scientists despise the idea of actual hardware.  Hardware
has limitations, software doesn't.  It's a real shame that Turing
machines are so poor at I/O.
%%
Real computer scientists don't comment their code.
 The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
%%
Real computer scientists don't debug programs, they dynamically modify
them. This is safer, since no one has invented a way to do anything
dynamic to FORTRAN, COBOL, or BASIC.
%%
Real computer scientists don't eat quiche. They shun Szechwan food
since the hackers discovered it. Many real computer scientists consider
eating an implementation detail. (Others break down and eat with the
hackers, but only if they can have ice cream for dessert.)
%%
Real computer scientists don't program in assembler.  They don't write
in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
%%
Real computer scientists don't write code.  They occasionally tinker
with `programming systems', but those are so high level that they
hardly count (and rarely count accurately; precision is for
applications.)
%%
Real computer scientists don't write the user interface, they merely
argue over what it should look like.
%%
Real computer scientists like C's structured constructs, but they are
suspicious of it because its compiled. (Only Batch freaks and efficiency
weirdos bother with compilers, they're soooo un-dynamic.)
%%
Real computer scientists like having a computer on their desk,
otherwise how would they read their mail.
%%
Real computer scientists like planning their own environments to use
bit mapped graphics. Bit mapped graphics is great because no one can
afford it. So their systems can be experimental.
%%
Real computer scientists love conventions. No one is expected to lug
a 3081 attached to a bit map screen to a convention, so no one will
ever know how slow their systems run.
%%
Real computer scientists love the concept of users. Users are always
real impressed by the stuff computer scientists are talking about;
it sure sounds better than the stuff they are being forced to use now.
%%
Real computer scientists only write specs for languages that might run
on future hardware.  Nobody trusts them to write specs for anything homo
sapiens will ever be able to fit on a single planet.
%%
Real computer scientists play go. They have nothing against the concept
of mountain climbing, but the actual climbing is an implementation
detail best left to programmers.
%%
Real computer scientists regret the existence of PL/1, PASCAL and LISP.
ADA is getting there, but it is still allows people to make mistakes.
%%
Real computer scientists work from 5 pm to 9 am because that's the only
time they can get the 8 megabytes of main memory they need to edit
specs. (Real work starts around 2 am when enough MIPS are free for
their dynamic systems.) Real computer scientists find it hard to share
3081's when they are doing 'REAL' work.
%%
Real computer users do it on the command line.
%%
Real computer users used core!
%%
REAL COOKS obtain butter the old-fashioned way ...
    ... they churn it.
%%
Real Daleks don't climb stairs.  They level the building!
%%
Real education must be limited to men who *insist* on knowing.   The rest
 is mere sheep-herding.
 -- Ezra Pound
%%
Real estate brokers do it on the ground.
%%
:real estate: n. May be used for any critical resource measured in
   units of area.  Most frequently used of `chip real estate', the
   area available for logic on the surface of an integrated circuit
   (see also {nanoacre}).  May also be used of floor space in a
   {dinosaur pen}, or even space on a crowded desktop (whether
   physical or electronic).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Real estate people know all the prime spots.
%%
Real hackers' method: COPY CON: PROGRAM.EXE
%%
Real hackers never log off...they crash the system.
%%
Real hackers use an axe!
%%
Real hindsight can show us very clearly what could have been easily
 prevented by a little more foresight.
%%
Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else.
 -- Hob Broun
%%
REALISM, n.  The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads.  The
charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a
measuring-worm.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Realistic leaders accept occasional disappointment as part of the job
and make the best of it.
%%
Real is what we perceive - feelings are facts!
 -- Peters & Austin
%%
Reality: a crutch for those that don't daydream!
%%
Reality always seems harsher in the early morning.
%%
Reality? But there are DIRTY DISHES in Reality!
%%
Reality can be useful.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Reality check...[F]ail, [R]etry, [A]bort, [G]et another beer?
%%
:reality check: n. 1. The simplest kind of test of software or
   hardware; doing the equivalent of asking it what 2 + 2 is
   and seeing if you get 4.  The software equivalent of a
   {smoke test}.  2. The act of letting a {real user} try out
   prototype software.  Compare {sanity check}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Reality check...   nope, not there...
%%
Reality check: what Clinton's legal defense fund should be written on.
%%
Reality corrupts. Absolute reality corrupts absolutely.
%%
REALITY.DAT not found. Atempting to restore Universe......
%%
REALITY.DAT not found. Press any key to reset Universe.
%%
Reality depends on the book I am currently reading.
%%
Reality does not exist - yet.
%%
Reality doesn't bite, rather our perception of reality bites.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Reality Failure. Press enter to continuum.
%%
Reality happens when you don't make it to the bathroom.
%%
Reality, however utopian, is something from which people feel the need of
taking pretty frequent holidays.
 -- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
%%
Reality? I'll only go as a tourist!
%%
Reality implies constancy. Constancy is composed of change, one of the few
 things in reality that is constant is change. Change implies movement from
 where we were to where we will be after we get on with it. Movement always
 involves some degree of friction, and the more you move, or the longer you
 move, the more friction you are discussing here. Friction brings heat and a
 lot of friction brings us a lot of heat. The only place that movement
 doesn't bring friction is in outer space. Now it also happens that heat
 does not generate light, and so you can have hot feelings, deep feelings,
 true and sincere convictions, and not have one iota of rationality or
 reality involved, after you have been through change and movement and, yes,
 friction.
%%
Reality is a constant intrusion on my dreams.
%%
Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
%%
Reality is a crutch.
%%
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with Usenet.
%%
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons.
%%
Reality is a crutch for those who can't handle science fiction.
%%
Reality is a crutch for those who can't handle virtual reality.
%%
Reality is a hypothesis.
%%
Reality is a hypothesis.
 -- Tugwell's Basic Assumption
%%
Reality is always more conservative than ideology.
 -- Raymond Aron
%%
Reality is a moving target, and our job is to keep it moving.
%%
Reality is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
%%
Reality Is An Illusion Caused By Lack Of Acid.
%%
Reality is an illusion caused by the absence of beer.
%%
Reality is an illusion produced by alcohol deficiency.
%%
Reality is an incompressible computation by a fractal cellular automaton
of inconceivable dimensions.
 -- Rudy Rucker
%%
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
%%
Reality is a sandwich I did not order.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Reality is a truck that runs you over and leaves you lying flat in the road.
%%
Reality is a virtual illusion.
%%
Reality? I saw it once from afar.
%%
Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?
 -- Patrick Sky
%%
Reality is blinking again...call for repairs.
%%
Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Reality is for people who can't handle computers.
%%
Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek.
%%
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
%%
Reality is for people with no grasp of fantasy.
%%
Reality is for those too stupid to program holodecks.
%%
Reality is for wimps!
%%
Reality is good sometimes for kicks, but don't let it get you down.
%%
Reality is in the mind of the beholder.
%%
Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
 -- Alvy Ray Smith
%%
Reality is just a figment of your imagination.
%%
Reality is just another illusion.
%%
Reality is just a transfer gate away.
%%
Reality is merely a point of view, Chaos is merely a career option.
 -- rburns@maine.UUCP
%%
Reality is not a constant.
%%
Reality is not a constant. Shut up and finish your dinosaur.
%%
Reality is not always probable, or even likely.
%%
Reality is not binding on news admins.
 -- Cathy Foulston (cathyf@rice.edu)
%%
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
"Reality is not only stranger one imagines, but stranger than one CAN
imagine."
 -- J. B. S. (the biologist) Haldane
%%
Reality isn't -- yet.
%%
Reality is ok, just don't make a habit of it.
%%
Reality is only a state of mind.
%%
Reality is only as the mind perceives it,
where yesterday will never arrive and
tomorrow has long since gone.
%%
Reality is only fantasy gone stale.
%%
Reality is rarely what we imaging.  Great and noble things do not
always happen for great and noble reasons.
 -- Tracy Thompson, 'Reader's Digest,' Oct. 1994
%%
Reality is relative, but Relativity is real.
%%
Reality is something you rise above.
 -- Liza Minnelli
%%
Reality is that part of imagination we all agree on.
%%
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
 -- Philip K. Dick
%%
Reality is the flaw in the perfection of nothingness.
 -- Nyarlathotep, Reed College, Portland, OR -
%%
Reality is the indefinite enumeration of objects.
%%
Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
 -- Jack Wagner
%%
"Reality" is the only word in the English language that should always
be used in quotes.
%%
Reality is the opiate of the people.
%%
Reality is the temporary resultant of the struggle between rival gangs of
programmers.
%%
Reality is what bumps into you when you stand still with your eyes open.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Reality is when it happens to you.
%%
Reality, n: a 55gr FMJ traveling at 3,25O fps.
%%
Reality?   Nope, not for me, ...It makes me laugh.
%%
REALITY, n.  The dream of a mad philosopher.  That which would remain
in the cupel if one should assay a phantom.  The nucleus of a vacuum.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reality-ometer: Low[\........]High    Hmmph! Thought so...
%%
Reality: only a concept and the home of the brave.
%%
Reality slap number 999999 coming up
%%
Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
%%
REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q)
%%
REALITY.SYS corrupted - unable to recover universe.
%%
REALITY.SYS corrupted.  universe halted.  reboot (y/n)?
%%
REALITY.SYS - Read Error - Solar System halted.
%%
Reality?  That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
%%
Reality -- what a concept!
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Reality will be less painful than usual today.
%%
Reality? Yeah . . I sorta remember that . . .
%%
Realize that if you have time to whine and complain about something
then you have the time to do something about it.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men,
but from doing something worthwhile.
 -- Sir Wilfred Grenfell
%%
Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.
 -- Confucius
%%
Real life isn't like this.
%%
Real life is, to most men, a long second-best, a perpetual compromise
between the ideal and the possible; but the world of pure reason knows
no compromise, no practical limitations, no barrier to the creative
activity.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Real life sucks losers dry.  If you want to fuck with
the eagles you've got to learn to fly."
 -- Veronica, "Heathers", movie
%%
Real live christmas tree for sale...used only 20 days..
%%
Real love stories never have endings.
%%
REALLY, adv.  Apparently.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Really. And do these lions eat ants?
%%
Really drunk is when you cling to the floor so you don't fall off.
%%
Really to see the sun rise or go down every day...would preserve us sane
forever.
 -- Thoreau
%%
Really?? We're having monkey heads?
%%
Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
%%
Really, you have seen the old age of an eagle,
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act iii, Sc. 2, 9, (520.)
%%
Real Mathematicians do Mandlebrots with pen & abacus.
%%
Real mathies are a subset of complex mathies.
%%
Real Men are NOT afraid to say: Fuck OFF, you're Not my type.
 -- Drieux
%%
Real men consider saturated fats as one of the four major food groups.
%%
Real men do not read anything other than
GUNS AND AMMO, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, or SHAVED BEAVER.
Quit this cookie program now!
%%
Real men don't abuse children.
%%
Real men don't beat children.
%%
Real men don't drink and drive.
%%
Real men don't drink beer from a glass!
%%
Real men don't eat children.
%%
Real men don't eat quiche and dispise gender feminizts.
%%
Real men don't have floppies.
%%
Real men don't need glasses. They just drink out of the bottle.
%%
Real men don't need no stinkin backups!
%%
Real_men_don't_need_spacebars.
%%
Real men don't set for Stun!!
%%
Real men don't use debuggers....
%%
Real men don't use menus...
%%
Real men don't use thesauruses.
%%
REAL men don't use WINDOWS...
%%
Real men play hockey.
%%
Real Men program in <solder<!
%%
REAL men use EDLIN...
%%
REAL MUSICIANS adjust their volume the old-fashioned way ...
... they turn it [to eleven!  Owright!!!].
%%
:real operating system: n. The sort the speaker is used to.  People
   from the BSDophilic academic community are likely to issue comments
   like "System V?  Why don't you use a *real* operating
   system?", people from the commercial/industrial UNIX sector are
   known to complain "BSD?  Why don't you use a *real*
   operating system?", and people from IBM object "UNIX?  Why don't
   you use a *real* operating system?"  See {holy wars},
   {religious issues}, {proprietary}, {Get a real computer!}
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Real processors don't have segments.
%%
Real programers use EDLIN to create Windows applications.
%%
 Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because
 OCT 31 == DEC 25 !
 -- Andrew Rutherford (andrewr@ucs.adelaide.edu.au)
%%
Real programmers are a figment of the imagination.
%%
Real Programmers are always surprised when their car odometer
doesn't turn immediately from 47777 to 50000.
%%
Real programmers are not in it for the money. Most of them are
secret millionaires.
%%
Real programmers aren't.
%%
Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's.
%%
Real Programmers can't change a car tyre;
that's a hardware problem.
%%
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.    :-)
 -- Larry Wall in   <8571@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
%%
Real Programmers Collect Lint.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS deal with assembly language the old-fashioned way ...
... they learn it.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for
  compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics who wear neckties and
  carefully line up sharpened pencils on an otherwise uncluttered desk.
%%
Real programmers do all their DTP work in DEBUG.
%%
Real Programmers do it on the console panel.
%%
Real programmers do not clear registers twice before using them.
In fact, if you annoy a real programmer, he/she won't clear the
registers at all. And that goes for your memory too!
%%
Real programmers do not eat quiche.  They eat Twinkies (because they
are in vending machines) and Szechuan food (because they deliver at
4am).  Also, real programmers have recently discovered the product,
JOLT Cola and have begun to stock this instead of Coke or Mountain
Dew.  Real programmers do not require caffeine to stay awake, but is
required to train new and upcoming real programmers.
%%
Real programmers do not wonder where the bits went following a
shift operation. They do not care.
%%
Real programmers don't believe in schedules.  Planners make up schedules.
 Managers firm up schedules.  Frightened coders strive to meet schedules.
 Real programmers ignore schedules.
%%
Real programmers don't change light bulbs.
%%
Real programmers don't comment their code.  If it was hard to write, it
 should be hard to understand.
%%
Real programmers don't document.
Documentation is for simpletons who can't read listings or the object
code from the dump.
%%
Real programmers don't document their code. The brilliance of the
program itself is self-evident, and anyone who can't figure it out isn't
a real programmer.
%%
Real programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Flowcharts are, after all, the
illiterate's form of documentation.  Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how
much good it did them.
%%
Real programmers don't dress for success unless
they are going on an interview.
%%
Real Programmers don't drink the Tequila - they just eat the worms.
%%
Real programmers don't drive cars, or any other complicated mechanical
contrivance.  Walking or bicycling are okay.  If a real programmer's bicycle
breaks down he has a technician fix it.
%%
Real programmers don't drive clapped-out Mavericks. they prefer BMWs,
Lincolns or pick-up trucks with floor shifts. Fast motorcycles are
highly regarded.
%%
Real programmers don't eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Real
programmers eat whenever they want to, and only with food from vending
machines. Vending machines don't serve quiche.
%%
Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how
to spell quiche. They like Twinkies, Old Coke, palate-scorching Szechwan
food, and Tacos.
%%
REAL PROGRAMMERS don't eat quiche. They eat Twinkies. And Szechwan food. Do
  not go to eat Szechwan food with a group of REAL PROGRAMMERS unless you are
  prepared to argue bitterly over the last spring roll.
%%
Real programmers don't have floppy disks.
%%
Real programmers don't like the Team Programming concept.
Unless, of course, they are the Chief Programmer.
%%
Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to
change clothes.
Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work
in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
%%
Real programmers don't program in BASIC. BASIC is for 12-year-old
pimple-faced computer geeks who think Pac-Man is "cool".
%%
Real programmers don't program in LISP. Any language with more
parenthesis than actual code is for airheaded wienies who can't write
real programs.
%%
Real programmers don't program in PASCAL. PASCAL is for pencil-pushing
pinstripes who think structure is good and spontaneous hacks are bad.
%%
Real programmers don't read manuals.
Reliance on a reference is the hallmark of the novice or coward.
%%
Real Programmers don't read the "Wall Street Journal"; they read dumps.
%%
Real programmers don't use Fortran. Fortran is for wimpy engineers who
wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They
get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.
%%
realprogrammersdontusespacespunctuationorcaps
%%
Real programmers don't write applications programs, they program right
 down to the BARE METAL.  Applications programming is for feebs who can't
 do systems programming.
%%
Real Programmers Don't Write Games!
%%
Real programmers don't write in APL, unless the whole program can be
 written in one line.
%%
Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually no programmers write in
 BASIC after the age of twelve.
%%
Real programmers don't write in COBOL.
COBOL is for COmmon Business Oriented Laymen who can
run neither a buiness or a real program.
%%
Real programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy applications
 programmers.
%%
Real programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of these
 pinky computer science languages.  Strong typing is for people with weak
 memories.
%%
Real programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for gutless people who
 can't decide whether they want COBOL or FORTRAN.
%%
Real programmers don't write in RPG.
RPG is for gum-chewing dimwits who maintain ancient payroll programs.
%%
Real programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves
 lucky to get any programs at all, and take what they get.
%%
Real programmers have keyboard dents in their foreheads.
%%
Real programmers have no use for managers.  Managers are a necessary evil.
 They exist only to deal with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior
 planners, and other mental defectives.
%%
Real programmers innovate, others LITIGATE !
%%
Real programmers know every nuance of every instruction and use them all
in every real program.
Puppy architects won't allow execute instructions to address
another execute as the target instruction.  Real programmers despise
such petty restrictions.
%%
Real programmers know that good human factors design requires only
the application of common sense. Besides, no one cares about users.
The program is written for aesthetic beauty.
%%
Real programmers like C because it's the only language
they can spell
%%
Real programmers never deliver programs on schedule.  Either the program
is "done" in two days or it is never finished.  In any case, it is
never delivered when it was scheduled.
%%
Real programmers never deliver programs on Wednesdays.
Real programmers never deliver programs on the first day of any month.
%%
Real programmers never eat at restaurants.  If the vending machine
sells it, they eat it.      If it doesn't, they don't.  Real
programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches, either.  Recently,
real programmers discovered that popcorn was being sold in
vending machines.  Common coders discovered that it could
be popped in the microwave oven in the vending-machine room,
but real programmers use the heat escaping from the top of the CPU.
Vending machines don't sell quiche, which is why Real programmers
don't eat it.
%%
Real programmers never grow old.  They suffer from burnouts, monumental
 crashes, or bugs in their DNA.
%%
Real Programmers never work 9 to 5.  If any Real Programmers are around at 9
AM, it's because they were up all night.
%%
Real programmers never "write" memos on paper.
They "send" memos via MAIL.
%%
Real programmers practice safe HEX
%%
Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time, But if
you throw them on the machine, they can be patched into working in
"only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
%%
Real programmers scorn floating point arithmetic.  The decimal point was
 invented for pansy bed-wetters who are unable to think big.
%%
Real programmers start with COPY CON PROGRAM.ZIP
%%
Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
%%
Real Programmers think structured programming is a Communist plot.
%%
Real programmers use "cat < a.out".
%%
  /*
  * Real programmers use cat > file.S
  */
%%
Real Programmers use COPY CON FILENAME.EXE
%%
Real programmers use COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE
%%
Real Programmers use DEBUG <C:\DOSFILES\PROGRAM.EXE
%%
Real programmers use MASM PROGRAM.ASM
%%
Real Programmers use Patch Cords!
%%
Real programmers use punched cards.
%%
Real programmers use TCC PROGRAM.CPP...error...error...er\COMM
%%
Real programmers use undocumented DOS calls.
%%
REAL programmers write 4K GUIs.
%%
REAL programmers write self-modifying code.
%%
Real programmers wrote game theory.
%%
Real programs don't eat cache.
%%
Real Programs don't use shared text.  Otherwise, how can they use functions for
scratch space after they are finished calling them?
%%
REAL roleplayers cast Control Cthulhu.
%%
Real software engineers admire PASCAL for its discipline and Spartan
purity, but they find it difficult to actually program in. They don't
tell this to their friends, because they are afraid it means that they
are somehow Unworthy.
%%
Real software engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users,
either.  Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the
implementation and verification of algorithms is all about.
%%
Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so
mnemonic they don't have to.
%%
Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness.
This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a
computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.
%%
Real software engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and
greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any
moment.  They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish that
systems could be virtual at *all* levels.     They would like personal
computers (you know no one's going to trip over something and kill your
DFA in mid-transit), except that they need 8 megabytes to run their
Correctness Verification Aid packages.
%%
Real software engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy
at the very thought.
%%
Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and
on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely
amused.
%%
Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they
implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm
might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user
interface, though.
%%
Real software engineers don't write in ADA, because the standards bodies
have not quite decided on a formal spec yet.
%%
Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are
suspicious of it because they have heard that it lets you get "close to
the machine."
%%
Real software engineers like writing their own compilers, preferably in
PROLOG (they also like writing them in unimplemented languages, but it
turns out to be difficult to actually RUN these).
%%
Real software engineers play tennis. In general, they don't like any
sport that involves getting hot and sweaty and gross when out of range
of a shower.  (Thus mountain climbing is Right Out.) They will
occasionally wear their tennis togs to work, but only on very sunny
days.
%%
Real software engineers regret the existence of COBOL, FORTRAN, and
BASIC.     PL/1 is getting there, but it is not nearly disciplined enough;
far too much built in functions.
%%
Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the
job is described in the formal spec.  Working late would feel like
using an undocumented external procedure.
%%
Real software engineers write in languages that have not actually been
implemented for any machine, and for which only the formal spec (in BNF)
is available. This keeps them from having to take any machine
dependencies into account. Machine dependencies make real software
engineers very uneasy.
%%
:Real Soon Now: [orig. from SF's fanzine community, popularized by
   Jerry Pournelle's column in "BYTE"] adv. 1. Supposed to be
   available (or fixed, or cheap, or whatever) real soon now according
   to somebody, but the speaker is quite skeptical.  2. When one's
   gods, fates, or other time commitments permit one to get to it (in
   other words, don't hold your breath).  Often abbreviated RSN.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
REAL Sponge cake: all the ingredients are borrowed.
%%
Real starship captains don't need hair.
%%
Real Sysops are always on the brink of divorce.
%%
REAL Sysops disconnect the Speakers  !!
%%
REAL SysOps know what REAL users are all about...
%%
Real Tagline Power Users Abuse JH!
%%
REAL TEXANS curse the old-fashioned way ...
    ... the dern it.
%%
real thing.
 -- Leslie Dixon Weatherhead
%%
:real time: 1. [techspeak] adj. Describes an application which
   requires a program to respond to stimuli within some small upper
   limit of response time (typically milli- or microseconds).  Process
   control at a chemical plant is the classic example.  Such
   applications often require special operating systems (because
   everything else must take a back seat to response time) and
   speed-tuned hardware.  2. adv. In jargon, refers to doing something
   while people are watching or waiting.  "I asked her how to find
   the calling procedure's program counter on the stack and she came
   up with an algorithm in real time."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
%%
Real time
 an attribute applied to software that's even more
 expensive than can be justified by cost modelling
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Real time - see BAUD
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym.
%%
:real user: n. 1. A commercial user.  One who is paying *real*
   money for his computer usage.  2. A non-hacker.  Someone using the
   system for an explicit purpose (a research project, a course, etc.)
   other than pure exploration.  See {user}.  Hackers who are also
   students may also be real users.  "I need this fixed so I can do a
   problem set.  I'm not complaining out of randomness, but as a real
   user."  See also {luser}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never
afraid to break your face.
%%
Real users don't read documentation.
%%
Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts
down the system for days.
%%
Real Users hate Real Programmers.
%%
Real Users know your home telephone number.
%%
Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your
program doesn't deliver it.
%%
Real Users never use the Help key.
%%
Real wealth can only increase.
 -- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
%%
*Real* wizards don't whine about how they paid their dues.
 -- Quentin Johnson (quent@atanasoff.cs.iastate.edu)
%%
Real women are on MY right.
%%
Real women breathe through their noses.
%%
Real women don't belong to NOW!
%%
Real women don't deflate when you bite them.
%%
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
%%
REAL WOMYN answer a man's advance the old-fashioned way ...
    ... they spurn it.
%%
:Real World: n. 1. Those institutions at which `programming' may
   be used in the same sentence as `FORTRAN', `{COBOL}',
   `RPG', `{IBM}', `DBASE', etc.  Places where programs do such
   commercially necessary but intellectually uninspiring things as
   generating payroll checks and invoices.  2. The location of
   non-programmers and activities not related to programming.  3. A
   bizarre dimension in which the standard dress is shirt and tie and
   in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5 (see
   {code grinder}).  4. Anywhere outside a university.  "Poor
   fellow, he's left MIT and gone into the Real World."  Used
   pejoratively by those not in residence there.  In conversation,
   talking of someone who has entered the Real World is not unlike
   speaking of a deceased person.  It is also noteworthy that on the
   campus of Cambridge University in England, there is a gaily-painted
   lamp-post which bears the label `REALITY CHECKPOINT'.  It marks the
   boundary between university and the Real World; check your notions
   of reality before passing.  This joke is funnier because the
   Cambridge `campus' is actually coextensive with the center of
   Cambridge.  See also {fear and loathing}, {mundane}, and
   {uninteresting}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
    Real-world problems are often "high-dimensional", that is,
are described by large numbers of dependent variables.
Algorithms must be specifically designed to function well in
such high-dimensional spaces.
 -- David Rogers
 -- Weather Prediction Using a Genetic Memory
%%
:reaper: n. A {prowler} that {GFR}s files.  A file removed in
   this way is said to have been `reaped'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
REAP
  Formerly used in descriptions of agriculture, "reap" is now almost
  exclusively found in bad retail advertising campaigns, eg "We've
  cut prices so you reap the benefits!" shouted by manic announcers
  over footage of crazed shoppers smashing in doors.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
REAPPRAISAL:
  An abrupt change of mind after being found out.
%%
REAR, n.  In American military matters, that exposed part of the army
that is nearest to Congress.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
REASONABLE, adj.  Accessible to the infection of our own opinions.
Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them.
 -- Ralph Gerard
%%
Reason deceives use often; conscience never.
 -- Rousseau
%%
    Reasoned decision is important, and there comes a time in every wizard's
life when he must decide what goal he should pursue to give true meaning to his
life. Should it be money, or travel, or fame? And what of leisure and the love
of women? I myself have studied many of these goals for a number of years,
examining their every facet in some detail, so that, when the time comes to
make that fateful decision of which I spoke, it will be reasoned in the
extreme.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXXI
%%
Reason for traffic accident (taken from accident/insurance forms):

   I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way
   home, as I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up,
   obscuring my vision.
 -- From the "Toronto Sun"
%%
Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.
 -- Karl Marx
%%
Reason has seldom failed us because it has seldom been tried.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Reasoning, Circular:  See Circular Reasoning
%%
Reasoning with a child is fine, if you can reach the child's reason
without destroying your own.
 -- John Mason Brown
%%
Reason in man is rather like God in the world.
 -- St. Thomas Aquinas
%%
Reason is not measured by size or height, but by principle.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xii
%%
Reason is the life of the law; nay, the common law itself is nothing
else but reason.... The law, which is perfection of reason.
 -- Sir Edward Coke (1549-1634)
 -- First Institute
%%
Reason is the newest and rarest thing in human life, the most delicate child
of human history.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Reason is the test of ridicule- not ridicule the test of truth.
 -- Warburton
%%
Reason is the wise man's guide, example the fools.
%%
Reason magazine reports that a survey of hotel bills from last year's
convention of religious broadcasters revealed that 80 percent watched
an X-rated movie on their hotel room's closed-circuit channel.
%%
REASON, n.  Propensitate of prejudice.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reason should direct and appetite obey.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Reason's whole pleasure, all the joys of sense,
Lie in three words,--health, peace, and competence.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 79
%%
Reason: the Devil's harlot.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
REASON, v.i.  To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reassurance of business by a President has an unfavorable effect on confidence.
 -- Mark Epernay
%%
Rebecca's House Rules: At least one fits every occasion. 1) Throw
it on the bed. 2) Fry onions. 3) Call Jenny's mother. 4) No one's
got the corner on suffering. 5) Run it under the cold tap. 6) Everything
takes practice, except being born.
 -- Sharon Mathews
%%
Rebel Alliance Diplomatic Dispatch...
%%
Rebel Assault is the Star Wars of CD-ROM Games!!!!!!
%%
Rebelling is useless, we both know that.
 -- Maylin Renis, Time Lash
%%
Rebellion against tyrants is obedience to God - Franklin
%%
Rebellion is like witchcraft. That's what it is, it's like witchcraft.
 -- Missouri State Rep. Jean Dixon, on labeling offensive music.
       USA Today, March 20, 1990
%%
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
%%
Rebellion Postponement:
 The tendency in one's youth to avoid traditionally youthful
activities and artistic experiences in order to obtainserious career
experience. Sometimes results in the mourning for lost youth at about
age thirty, followed by silly haircuts and expensive joke-inducing
wardrobes.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Rebellions of the belly are the worst.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
REBEL, n.  A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish
it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rebel without a clue.
%%
rebooting...
%%
Reboot it, during a FAT.
%%
rec.boats: we go sailing virtually every day
%%
Rec.Boats Yacht Club (Membership FREE) -- The global channel for boats!
%%
RECEIPT
  Proof of the purchase of goods. There are two distinct types of
  receipt:
    - the receipt that sits in your wallet for the best part of a
      year before you clean it out, and then pops up again regularly
      for the rest of your life, in desk drawers, stuck in books as
      bookmarks, or attached to the fridge with a magnet
    - the receipt that you think you put safely somewhere, but can't
      find when the goods that you bought falls apart/breaks down/
      causes you to want to return the goods, for whatever reason.
      (See Return)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Receive: crc error
%%
Receive: framming error
%%
Receive: giant packet from %x:%x:%x:%x:%x:%x
%%
Receive: overflow error
%%
Receiver is off the hook.
%%
Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat
broke and having a stomach ache.
 -- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
%%
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
%%
Recently, Apple Computer Inc. purchased a 14.5 million dollar Cray Research
supercomputer to aid in the design of their next-generation Apple computers.
John Rollwagen, Cray Research Inc. chief executive, told Seymour Cray about
how Apple was using their newly purchased Cray supercomputer.  "There was a
pause on the other end of the line, and Seymour said 'That's interesting,
because I'm designing the next Cray with an Apple'."
%%
Recently, my personal advisors have beeen telling me to go to
America.   Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and
telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it?
 -- Alexi Sayle
%%
Recently not spotted on a bumper sticker: "I'd rather be grading"
%%
Recently when I'm alone I try to talk myself out of masturbation. I ask
 myself--why can't I just be friends with myself?
 -- Richard Lewis
%%
Recent research has tended to show that the Abominable No-Man
is being replaced by the Prohibitive Procrastinator.
 -- C. N. Parkinson
%%
Recent studies show that recent studies are meaningless.
%%
RECEPTION AREA:
The purgatory where office visitors are condemned to spend
innumerable hours reading dog-eared back issues of trade
magazines like Modern Plastics, Chain Saw Age, and Chicken World,
while the receptionist blithely reads her own trade magazine.
 -- Cosmopolitan.
%%
Receptionists do it in the vestibule.
%%
Receptionists do it over the phone.
%%
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose your job.
These economic downturns are very difficult to predict, but sophisticated
econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and Chase Econometrics
have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions.
%%
Rechargeable batteries die at the most critical time of the most complex
problem.
 -- John L. Shelton
%%
Recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:
   (1) Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit
   (2) Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of
       Santraginus V (Oh, those Santraginean fish!)
   (3) Allow 3 cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the
       mixture (properly iced or the benzine is lost.)
   (4) Allow four liters of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it.
   (5) Over the back of a silver spoon, float a measure of
       Qualactin Hypermint extract.
   (6) Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger.  Watch it dissolve.
   (7) Sprinkle Zamphuor.
   (8) Add an olive.
   (9) Drink...but...very carefully...
%%
Recipe for Clinton Stew:  A little weenie in hot water.
%%
Reckeners without their host must recken twice.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. viii
%%
Reckless Driver: A motorist who passes you on the highway in spite of all
 you do to prevent it.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Reckon the days in which you have not been angry. I used to be angry
every day; now every other day; then every third and fourth day; and
if you miss it so long as thirty days, offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving
to God.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- How the Semblances of Things are to be combated,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xviii
%%
Reclaimer, spare that tree!
 Take not a single bit!
 It used to point to me,
 Now I'm protecting it.
 It was the reader's CONS
 That made it, paired by dot;
 Now, GC, for the nonce,
 Thou shalt reclaim it not.
%%
RECOLLECT, v.  To recall with additions something not previously
known.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Recommended Reading: Who's Who In New Zeland Embroidery
%%
Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight
of all men.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xii, 17
%%
Reconciled friend is a double enemy.
 -- Proverb
%%
RECONCILIATION, n.  A suspension of hostilities.  An armed truce for
the purpose of digging up the dead.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reconciliation should be accompanied by justice, otherwise it will
not last.  While we all hope for peace it shouldn't be peace at any
cost but peace based on principle, on justice.
 -- Corazon Aquino
%%
RECONSIDER, v.  To seek a justification for a decision already made.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
 (Recorded directly from AT&T:)  We're sorry, but the number you
 dialed is disconnected or no longer in service.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 (Recorded during a party:)
 HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB
  yeah!!         we're having a party!!  come on over!           B
      mike's not home right now!!                Look out!       E
 Hey what are you doing?                Careful it might spill.  E
                               Was that the phone ringing?       P
 -- Answering machine madness - miscellaneous
%%
Recorded history is largely an account of the crimes and disasters committed
by banal little men at the levers of imperial machines.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
RECOUNT, n.  In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded
to the player against whom they are loaded.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RECOVER.COM: a little slice of hell
%%
Recovering blonde.
%%
Recovering Taglinestealaholic.  Please do not tempt.
%%
Recovery program for excessive talkers - Onanonanonanon.
%%
Recovery Room:  Place to do upholestry...
%%
Recreational Slumming:
 The practice of participating in recreational activities of a
class one perceives as lower than one's own: "Karen! Donald! Let's go
bowling tonight! And don't worry about shoes... apparently you can
rent them."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
RECREATION, n.  A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general
fatigue.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RECRUIT, n.  A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform
and from a soldier by his gait.

    Fresh from the farm or factory or street,
    His marching, in pursuit or in retreat,
        Were an impressive martial spectacle
    Except for two impediments -- his feet.
                                                      Thompson Johnson
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rectitude does not attach itself to binary transgressions.
%%
RECTOR, n.  In the Church of England, the Third Person of the
parochial Trinity, the Cruate and the Vicar being the other two.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rectum:  Dang near killed him...
%%
Recurse: (v) to swear again. i.e. "Damn that dog!  Damn him!"
%%
Recursion in everyday life:

Inscription on a shampoo bottle:

Lather
Rinse
Repeat
 -- Seen on an MIT computer's login message
%%
Recursion is like a bureaucracy: a bureaucrat does one small part of the job,
and then passes it on to an exact copy of himself...
%%
Recursion is the root of computation since it trades description for time.
%%
Recursion: n. See Recursion.
 -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
%%
Recursion: The ability to talk to yourself and get an answer.
 -- Ralph E. Griswold
%%
Recursion theorists do it in one go (Kleene normal form theorem).
%%
:recursive acronym:: pl.n. A hackish (and especially MIT) tradition
   is to choose acronyms/abbreviations that refer humorously to
   themselves or to other acronyms/abbreviations.  The classic
   examples were two MIT editors called EINE ("EINE Is Not EMACS")
   and ZWEI ("ZWEI Was EINE Initially").  More recently, there is a
   Scheme compiler called LIAR (Liar Imitates Apply Recursively), and
   {GNU} (q.v., sense 1) stands for "GNU's Not UNIX!" --- and a
   company with the name CYGNUS, which expands to "Cygnus, Your GNU
   Support".  See also {mung}, {EMACS}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
%%
Recursive:  Someone who swears a lot.
%%
recursive Tagline. This is a recursive Tagline. This is a
%%
Recurving:
 Leaving one job to take another that pays less but places one
back on the learning curve.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Recycle: because once is not enough!
%%
Recycle! For us... and them...
%%
Recycle garbage: Re-elect your Congressman!
%%
Recycle...It saves money and the world.
%%
Recycle or die.
%%
RECYCLERS do it again and again and again
%%
Recyclers use it again.
%%
Recycle! Today's Garbage is Tomorrow's America
%%
Recycle, use another person's Tag
%%
Recycle Use other peoples Tags
%%
RED ALERT - Borg Fleet Approaching.
%%
Red Alert.
 -- Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
RED ALERT! Tagline Being Stolen! Shields Up! Arm Phasers!
%%
Red automobiles are illegal in Minneapolis.
%%
:Red Book: n. 1. Informal name for one of the three standard
   references on {{PostScript}} ("PostScript Language Reference
   Manual", Adobe Systems (Addison-Wesley, 1985; QA76.73.P67P67; ISBN
   0-201-10174-2, or the 1990 second edition ISBN 0-201-18127-4); the
   others are known as the {Green Book}, the {Blue Book}, and
   the {White Book} (sense 2).  2. Informal name for one of the 3
   standard references on Smalltalk ("Smalltalk-80: The
   Interactive Programming Environment" by Adele Goldberg
   (Addison-Wesley, 1984; QA76.8.S635G638; ISBN 0-201-11372-4); this
   too is associated with blue and green books).  3. Any of the
   1984 standards issued by the CCITT eighth plenary assembly.  These
   include, among other things, the X.400 email spec and the Group
   1 through 4 fax standards.  4. The new version of the {Green
   Book} (sense 4) --- IEEE 1003.1-1990, a.k.a ISO 9945-1 --- is
   (because of the color and the fact that it is printed on A4 paper)
   known in the U.S.A. as "the Ugly Red Book That Won't Fit On The
   Shelf" and in Europe as "the Ugly Red Book That's A Sensible
   Size".  5. The NSA "Trusted Network Interpretation" companion
   to the {Orange Book}.  See also {{book titles}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Red Dawn + Blue Thunder = Purple Rain
%%
RED DWARF OFFICIAL COMMUNIQUE...
%%
REDEMPTION, n.  Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin,
through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned.  The
doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy
religion, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have
everlasting life in which to try to understand it.

    We must awake Man's spirit from his sin,
        And take some special measure for redeeming it;
    Though hard indeed the task to get it in
        Among the angels any way but teaming it,
        Or purify it otherwise than steaming it.
    I'm awkward at Redemption -- a beginner:
    My method is to crucify the sinner.
                                                           Golgo Brone
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Redesigned: Previous faults corrected, we hope.
%%
Red meat is NOT bad for you.  Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for
 you!
 -- Tommy Smothers
%%
Redneck bisexual: one who likes both sheep and cows.
%%
Redneck pickup line: "Hey, you look just like my sister."
%%
Redneck Restaurant Conundrum: "What wine goes with chitlins?"
%%
Redneck Restaurant Conundrum: "What wine goes with `coon?"
%%
Redneck Restaurant Conundrum: "What wine goes with Moon Pies?"
%%
Redneck Restaurant Conundrum: "What wine goes with possum?"
%%
Redneck Seven Course Dinner: Possum and a six pack!
%%
Redneck--Takes the wheels off of your neighbor's new house.
%%
REDRESS, n.  Reparation without satisfaction.
    Among the Anglo-Saxon a subject conceiving himself wronged by the
king was permitted, on proving his injury, to beat a brazen image of
the royal offender with a switch that was afterward applied to his own
naked back.  The latter rite was performed by the public hangman, and
it assured moderation in the plaintiff's choice of a switch.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RED-SKIN, n.  A North American Indian, whose skin is not red -- at
least not on the outside.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Redskins =*= Well, Mmmm, Uh-- Golly, we did beat Dallas!
%%
Reduce brain fat. Eat Moral Fiber.
%%
Reduce Carbon Dioxide emissions - STOP Breathing.
%%
Reduce taxes on rich = trickle down prosperity.
 -- Conservative idea #4
%%
Reduce taxes...run over a Democrat
%%
Reduce your i.o.u. to i.r.s with an i.r.a.
%%
Redundancy: a blonde driving a car with a driver's-side airbag.
%%
Redundancy: Lying Politician
%%
REDUNDANT, adj.  Superfluous; needless; _de trop_.

    The Sultan said:  "There's evidence abundant
    To prove this unbelieving dog redundant."
    To whom the Grand Vizier, with mien impressive,
    Replied:  "His head, at least, appears excessive."
                                                       Habeeb Suleiman

    Mr. Debs is a redundant citizen.
                                                    Theodore Roosevelt
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Redundant book title: "Amiga For Dummies"
%%
Red Vegetables: B. Troot
%%
Red, white, and blue. Three colors that only run forward.
%%
:red wire: [IBM] n. Patch wires installed by programmers who have
   no business mucking with the hardware.  It is said that the only
   thing more dangerous than a hardware guy with a code patch is a
   {softy} with a soldering iron....  Compare {blue wire},
   {yellow wire}, {purple wire}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Re-elect Jimmy Carter! The best President Panama ever had.
%%
Reelometic fans will also go for a Hobart Muddy and a prize-winning Cuvee
 Reserve Chateau bottle, Nuit sans Woga Woga which has a bouquet like an
    Aborigine's armpit.
 -- Australian Table Wine Assoc.
%%
Reel programers cant spel
%%
REFERENCE
  The academic way of copying what someone else has written. The best
  references don't actually exist. Which means they can say precisely
  what you want them to say.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
REFERENDUM, n.  A law for submission of proposed legislation to a
popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself.  Two parts H, one part O.
 I don't trust anybody!
 -- Steven Wright
%%
REFLECTION, n.  An action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view
of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the
perils that we shall not again encounter.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reflect on your present blessings, of which everyone has many, not on your
past misfortunes, of which all people have some.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
Reformat Drive C:  Are you SURE (Y/y)?
%%
Reform Congress-fire the liberal bastards
%%
Reform Congress-revoke careerism
%%
Reform Congress-support term limitations
%%
Reform, like charity must begin at home.  Once will at home, how will it
radiate outwards, irrepressible, into all that we touch and handle,
speak and work; kindling every new light by incalculable contagion,
spreading, in geometric ratio, far and wide, doing good only wherever it
spreads, and not evil.
 -- Carlyle
%%
REFORM: Recycled Former Members (Tories).
%%
Reforms come from below. No man with four aces howls for a new deal.
 -- John F. Parker
%%
REFORM, v.  A thing that mostly satisfies reformers opposed to
reformation.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Refrain to-night,
And that shall lend a kind of easiness
To the next abstinence: the next more easy;
For use almost can change the stamp of nature.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Refreshed by a brief blackout, I got to my feet and went next door.
 -- Martin Amis, "Money"
%%
Refugees, smugglers, businessmen, diplomats...
%%
REFUGE, n.  Anything assuring protection to one in peril.  Moses and
Joshua provided six cities of refuge -- Bezer, Golan, Ramoth, Kadesh,
Schekem and Hebron -- to which one who had taken life inadvertently
could flee when hunted by relatives of the deceased.  This admirable
expedient supplied him with wholesome exercise and enabled them to
enjoy the pleasures of the chase; whereby the soul of the dead man was
appropriately honored by observations akin to the funeral games of
early Greece.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
REFUSAL, n.  Denial of something desired; as an elderly maiden's hand
in marriage, to a rich and handsome suitor; a valuable franchise to a
rich corporation, by an alderman; absolution to an impenitent king, by
a priest, and so forth.  Refusals are graded in a descending scale of
finality thus:  the refusal absolute, the refusal condition, the
refusal tentative and the refusal feminine.  The last is called by
some casuists the refusal assentive.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"Refuse to Work, Want Food Anyway."
 -- Seen on a placard
%%
Refusing to be pacified it's him they blame the most.
 -- Mark Knopfler
%%
Refusing to live in the real world will substantially reduce
the portability of your code.
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
Regal Lager, It's not just a beer... It's a palindrome!
%%
Regarding astral projection, Woody Allen once wrote, "This is not
a bad way to travel, although there is usually a half-hour wait for
luggage."
%%
  Regarding President Reagan, "For 7 1/2 years
   I've worked alongside him, and I'm proud to be
   his partner.  We've had triumphs, we've made
   mistakes, we've had sex."

  "Setbacks," he quickly corrected.  "We've had
   setbacks."
 -- GEORGE BUSH at the College of Southern Idaho, 5/6/88
%%
Regarding the nationalization of industry or private property:
"Of what importance is all that, if I range men firmly within a
discipline they cannot escape?  Let them own land or factories as
much as they please.  The decisive factor is that the State, through
the Party, is supreme over them regardless of whether they are owners
or workers.  All that is unessential; our socialism goes far deeper.
It establishes a relationship of the individual to the State, the
national community.  Why need we trouble to socialize banks and
factories?  We socialize human beings."
 -- Adolf Hitler to Herman Rauschning, pre-WWII
 -- "Why Does Socialism Continue to Appeal to Anyone?", Robert Hessen
%%
Regard it as just as desirable to build a chicken house as to build a
cathedral. The size of the project means little in art, beyond the money
matter. It is the quality of the character that really counts.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
"Regardless of the legal speed limit, your Buick must be operated at
speeds faster than 85 MPH (140kph)."
 -- presumable misprint from the 1987 Buick Grand National owners manual.
%%
Regardless of the units used by either the supplier or the
customer, the manufacturer shall use his own arbitrary units
convertible to those of either the supplier or the customer
only by means of weird and unnatural conversion factors.
 -- Wyszkowski's Theorem
%%
Regardless of what you think, I am *THE* man!
%%
Regardless of whether a mission expands or contracts, administrative
overhead continues to grow at a steady rate.
 -- Charles J. Zimmerman
%%
Regardless your income level, it's 10% too little.
%%
Regards, Doug
%%
Regard your voice as capital in the bank.... Sing on your interest and your
 voice will last.
 -- Lauritz Melchior
%%
Regenerative Fluid!  Yuck!  I'll be tasting THAT stuff for a week!
%%
:regexp: /reg'eksp/ [UNIX] n. (alt. `regex' or `reg-ex')
   1. Common written and spoken abbreviation for `regular
   expression', one of the wildcard patterns used, e.g., by UNIX
   utilities such as `grep(1)', `sed(1)', and `awk(1)'.
   These use conventions similar to but more elaborate than those
   described under {glob}.  For purposes of this lexicon, it is
   sufficient to note that regexps also allow complemented character
   sets using `^'; thus, one can specify `any non-alphabetic
   character' with `[^A-Za-z]'.  2. Name of a well-known PD
   regexp-handling package in portable C, written by revered USENETter
   Henry Spencer <henry@zoo.toronto.edu>.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:register dancing: n. Many older processor architectures suffer
   from a serious shortage of general-purpose registers.  This is
   especially a problem for compiler-writers, because their generated
   code needs places to store temporaries for things like intermediate
   values in expression evaluation.  Some designs with this problem,
   like the Intel 80x86, do have a handful of special-purpose
   registers that can be pressed into service, providing suitable care
   is taken to avoid unpleasant side effects on the state of the
   processor: while the special-purpose register is being used to hold
   an intermediate value, a delicate minuet is required in which the
   previous value of the register is saved and then restored just before
   the official function (and value) of the special-purpose register is
   again needed.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Registered  Q F R O N T  Addict
%%
Register.  Then whine all ya wanna ...
%%
Regnant populi.  [The people rule.]
%%
REG     REcord Garbadge
%%
Regression analysis: Mathematical techniques for trying to understand
 why things are getting worse.
%%
Regret is part of being alive...
 -- Avon
%%
Regret is the disease that eats away at the human soul.
 -- Genry Pinera [ME]
%%
Regrets.  You've had a few.  But then again, too few to mention.
%%
Regrettable that this society has chosen suicide.
 -- Star Trek "Mirror, Mirror"
%%
Regularity is unity, unity is godlike, only the devil is unchangeable.
 -- Richter
%%
Regulations grow at the same rate as weeds.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLIX
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Rehumanize yourself!
%%
:reincarnation, cycle of: n. See {cycle of reincarnation}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Reincarnation is a pleasant surprise.
%%
Reincarnation is making a comeback!
%%
Reincarnation:
 Life sucks, then you die. Then life sucks again.
%%
Reincarnations can come out, but human beings can't go in.
 -- Doctor, The Aztecs
%%
Reincarnation? There is such a thing. What could be more Mozartian than the
Nutcracker Suite?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Reintegration complete, ZORAC advised.    We're back in the universe
again ...    An unusually long pause followed, ... but I don't know
which part.   We seem to have changed our position in space.   A
spherical display in the middle of the floor illuminated to show the
starfield surrounding the ship.

Several large, artificial constructions are approaching us, ZORAC
announced after a short pause.    The designs are not familiar, but they
are obviously the products of intelligence.   Implications: we have been
intercepted deliberately by a means unknown, for a purpose unknown, and
transferred to a place unknown by a form of intelligence unknown.
Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious.
 -- James P. Hogan, Giants Star
%%
:reinvent the wheel: v. To design or implement a tool equivalent to
   an existing one or part of one, with the implication that doing so
   is silly or a waste of time.  This is often a valid criticism.
   On the other hand, automobiles don't use wooden rollers, and some
   kinds of wheel have to be reinvented many times before you get them
   right.  On the third hand, people reinventing the wheel do tend to
   come up with the moral equivalent of a trapezoid with an offset
   axle.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rejection:
 When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
%%
Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xi, 9
%%
Rejoice, rejoice, we have no choice but to carry on.
 -- Steven Stills
%%
Relations are simply a tedious pack of people,
who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live,
nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), "The Importance of Being Earnest", 1895
%%
Relationships are complex because they are part real, part imaginary.
 -- Martin F. Terman
%%
Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.
 -- Ronnie Shakes
%%
Relative calm is expected in South Central Los Angeles for the next
several weeks, as looters stay home and try to program their new VCRs.
 -- Weekend Update
%%
Relatively three-dimensional, as fictional characters go.
%%
RELATIVES!!
%%
Relativism stinks- you can't call anyone a moron!
%%
Relativity all depends on how you look at it.
%%
Relativity for Children
Time moves slower in a fast moving vehicle.
%%
Relax! And assume the position!
%%
Relax and think things over - Life is pretty good, isn't it ?
%%
Relaxed Agnostic--I don't know any answers--I'm not
looking very hard, either
%%
Relaxed Bisexual Agnostic   I don't know, I don't care,
and maybe I'll sleep with it
%%
...relaxed in the manner of a man
who has no need to put up a front of any kind.
 -- John Ball, "Mark One: the Dummy"
%%
Relax! Have a Bagel. Try not to think about it.
 -- Lotsa Bagles Radio Ad
%%
Relax, Julie. Everyone will understand.
 -- Romeo
%%
Relax, relax, it's only a game.
%%
Relax...you are entering a windows free zone.
%%
Relay THIS, fella!
%%
Release him, Doctor.
"Do you know what you're doing?"
No! Release him!
 -- Picard and Pulaski, "Time Squared", stardate 42679.2
%%
Release the pixie dust, Mr. O'Brien.
%%
Relentless Cookout
%%
Reliable information is a must for successful planning.
 -- C. Columbus
%%
Reliable software must kill people reliably.
 -- Andy Mickel
%%
Reliable: Sometimes capable of giving the same results.
%%
Relief map: a set of directions showing how to get
to the nearest outhouse.
%%
:Religion:

Agnostic.  Atheist.  Non-observant Jewish.  Neo-pagan.  Very commonly,
three or more of these are combined in the same person.  Conventional
faith-holding Christianity is rare though not unknown.

Even hackers who identify with a religious affiliation tend to be
relaxed about it, hostile to organized religion in general and all forms
of religious bigotry in particular.  Many enjoy `parody' religions such
as Discordianism and the Church of the SubGenius.

Also, many hackers are influenced to varying degrees by Zen Buddhism or
(less commonly) Taoism, and blend them easily with their `native'
religions.

There is a definite strain of mystical, almost Gnostic sensibility that
shows up even among those hackers not actively involved with
neo-paganism, Discordianism, or Zen.  Hacker folklore that pays homage
to `wizards' and speaks of incantations and demons has too much
psychological truthfulness about it to be entirely a joke.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Religion and Morality are the firmest foundations of the duties of
men and women.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Religion blushing, veils her sacred fires,
And unawares Morality expires.
Nor public flame nor private dares to shine;
Nor human spark is left, nor glimpse divine!
Lo! thy dread empire Chaos is restor'd,
Light dies before thy uncreating word;
Thy hand, great Anarch, lets the curtain fall,
And universal darkness buries all.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 649
%%
Religion frightens me; spirituality enlightens me.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
 -- Anatole France
%%
Religion is a defense against the experience of God.
 -- Carl Jung
%%
Religion is a job.
%%
Religion is a monumental chapter in the history of human egotism.
 -- William James (1842-1910)
%%
Religion is a personal matter, and those of us in the sorcerous profession
would do well to steer clear of it. Still, you will find some situations, say
a spell accidentally demolishing someone's holy temple, where you will be given
the choice of (1) conversion to their belief, or (2) being sacrificed to their
deity. It is only at times like this when one realizes the true depth and
beauty of religions, at least until one can find some way out of town.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXXI
%%
Religion is a socialized emotion.
%%
Religion is man's attempt to communicate with the weather.
%%
Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence,
 it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
... Religion ... [is] the basis and foundation of government ...  before
any man can be considered as a member of civil society, he must be
considered as a subject of the Governor of the Universe.
 -- James Madison
%%
Religion is the best armor that a man can have, but it is the worst cloak.
 -- Bunyan
%%
Religion is the fashionable substitute for belief.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Religion is the opiate of the masses.
 -- Karl Marx
%%
Religion is the soul of soulless conditions, the heart of a heartless
world, the opium of the people.
 -- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
 -- "Critique of the Hegelian Philosophy of Right", 1844
%%
Religion: just say no!
%%
Religion makes beauty enchanting,
And even where beauty is wanting,
  The temper and mind,
Religion-refined,
Will shine through the veil with sweet lustre.
%%
Religion: myth-information.
%%
RELIGION, n.  A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the
nature of the Unknowable.
    "What is your religion my son?" inquired the Archbishop of Rheims.
    "Pardon, monseigneur," replied Rochebriant; "I am ashamed of it."
    "Then why do you not become an atheist?"
    "Impossible!  I should be ashamed of atheism."
    "In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:religion of CHI: n. /ki:/ [Case Western Reserve University] n.
   Yet another hackish parody religion (see also {Church of the
   SubGenius}, {Discordianism}).  In the mid-70s, the canonical
   "Introduction to Programming" courses at CWRU were taught in
   Algol, and student exercises were punched on cards and run on a
   Univac 1108 system using a homebrew operating system named CHI.
   The religion had no doctrines and but one ritual: whenever the
   worshipper noted that a digital clock read 11:08, he or she would
   recite the phrase "It is 11:08; ABS, ALPHABETIC, ARCSIN, ARCCOS,
   ARCTAN."  The last five words were the first five functions in the
   appropriate chapter of the Algol manual; note the special
   pronunciations /obz/ and /ark'sin/ rather than the more common
   /ahbz/ and /ark'si:n/.  Using an alarm clock to warn of 11:08's
   arrival was {considered harmful}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Religion:  Organized intolerance.
%%
Religions are born and may die, but superstition is immortal.
%%
Religions are the great fairy tales of conscience.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
Religions change; beer and wine remain.
 -- Hervey Allen
%%
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
%%
Religion stands on tiptoe in our land,
Ready to pass to the American strand.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Church Militant
%%
Religions tend to disappear with man's good fortune.
 -- Raymond Queneau, "A Model History"
%%
Religious discussions make my hair hurt.
%%
Religious error: (A)tone, (R)epent, (I)mmolate?
%%
Religious intolerance is getting to be a greater problem in this country.
I understand some Unitarians were caught burning question marks on
people's front lawns.
%%
:religious issues: n. Questions which seemingly cannot be raised
   without touching off {holy wars}, such as "What is the best
   operating system (or editor, language, architecture, shell, mail
   reader, news reader)?", "What about that Heinlein guy, eh?",
   "What should we add to the new Jargon File?"  See {holy wars};
   see also {theology}, {bigot}.

   This term is a prime example of {ha ha only serious}.  People
   actually develop the most amazing and religiously intense
   attachments to their tools, even when the tools are intangible.
   The most constructive thing one can do when one stumbles into the
   crossfire is mumble {Get a life!} and leave --- unless, of course,
   one's *own* unassailably rational and obviously correct
   choices are being slammed.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Religious-left: see secular-humanism; see also politically correct
%%
Religious people are wicked, how would they be without?
%%
Religious right: liberal label for anyone with standards.
%%
Religious Right - We're religious and right.
%%
RELIQUARY, n.  A receptacle for such sacred objects as pieces of the
true cross, short-ribs of the saints, the ears of Balaam's ass, the
lung of the cock that called Peter to repentance and so forth.
Reliquaries are commonly of metal, and provided with a lock to prevent
the contents from coming out and performing miracles at unseasonable
times.  A feather from the wing of the Angel of the Annunciation once
escaped during a sermon in Saint Peter's and so tickled the noses of
the congregation that they woke and sneezed with great vehemence three
times each.  It is related in the "Gesta Sanctorum" that a sacristan
in the Canterbury cathedral surprised the head of Saint Dennis in the
library.  Reprimanded by its stern custodian, it explained that it was
seeking a body of doctrine.  This unseemly levity so raged the
diocesan that the offender was publicly anathematized, thrown into the
Stour and replaced by another head of Saint Dennis, brought from Rome.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Relying on a dog might turn you in a dog addict.
%%
RELY UPON THE ABOVE ADVICE AT YOUR OWN RISK!
 -- Generic disclaimer
%%
Remain resolute and unwavering when shirking your duty.
%%
Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire?  *Lovely* plumage!
%%
Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue.....*beautiful* plumage!
%%
REMbo I: First dream!
%%
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used
it.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Remedy for a FAT file:  Take fewer bytes
%%
Remember all the movies Terry that we'd go see
Tryin' to learn how to walk like the heroes
We thought we had to be and after all this time
We find we're just like all the rest
 -- "Backstreets" from Born To Run
%%
Remember all ye that existence is pure joy; that all the sorrows are
but as shadows; they pass & are done; but there is that which remains.
%%
Remember always: a wise man walks with his head bowed, humble
    like the dust.
 -- Master Po
%%
Remember, an int is not always 16 bits.  I'm not sure, but if the 80386
is one step closer to Intel's slugfest with the CPU curve that is
asymptotically approaching a real machine, perhaps an int has been
implemented as 32 bits by some Unix vendors...?
 -- Derek Terveer
%%
Remember, ants are only waiting for you to die...
%%
Remember: An upload a day keeps the sysop away.
%%
Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just regrouping for a
    counter-attack.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #27
%%
Remember, a smile will always increase your face value.
%%
Remember, Big Brother is watching you - and Big Brother is paranoid.
%%
Remember, cat heaven is mouse hell.
%%
Remember: COBOL can be cured if detected early.
%%
Remember Darwin; building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
%%
Remember, deep down, even Jane Fonda is a greedy capitalist.
%%
Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
%%
Remember, ducks don't drink carrot juice.
%%
Remember, extremism in the nondefense of moderation is not a virtue.
 -- Peter Neumann, about usenet
%%
Remember folks. Traffic lights timed for 35 mph
are also timed for 70 mph.
 -- Jim Samuel
%%
Remember Gentlemen, Life is an adventure!
 -- _Cherry_2000_
%%
Remember, Geritol spelled backwards is lotireG.
%%
Remember Gummidge's Law and you will never be found out.
%%
Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have;
it depends on what you think.
 -- Dale Carnegie
%%
Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser
%%
Remember, if it's not ICE brewed, it's not ICE beer!
%%
Remember: if we all do bad, we all do well.
 -- Ross Niswanger on final exams
%%
Remember if you change the subject, CHANGE THE SUBJECT HEADER!
%%
Remember - if you drink like a fish, don't drive - SWIM.
%%
Remember, If you're not in bed by 10:30..... go home!
%%
Remember, if you save nothing, you can't take it with you.
 -- Stan Laurel
%%
Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available
 ONLY by prescription!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Remember, Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom;
Wisdom is not truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love;
Love is not music; Music is the best.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Remembering is for those who have forgotten.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
Remember: it's getting WARM outside up here!  :-)
%%
Remember, it's not the size, it's the frequency: 101.5 WPDH
 -- Heard on the radio
%%
Remember, it takes one hand to wash the other
%%
Remember Khadaffi: A nuke is a terrible thing to waste.
%%
"Remember Khrushchev: he tried to do too many things too fast, and he was
removed in disgrace.  If Gorbachev tries to destroy the system or make
too many fundamental changes to it, I believe the system will get rid of
him.  I am not a political scientist, but I understand the system very
well.  I believe he will have a "heart attack" or retire or be removed.
He is up against a brick wall.    If you think they will change everything
and become a free, open society, forget it!"
 -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot, who defected in 1976
 -- "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 110
%%
Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room,
be sure that you're the one holding it
 -- Captain Combat
%%
Remember kids, it isn't trivia if someone cares!
%%
Remember kids, Satan loves you.
%%
REMEMBER:
KING
  KONG
DIED FOR
YOUR SINS
%%
Remember Lady bird follies: now it's Hillary's turn!
%%
Remember Lot's wife.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xvii, 32
%%
Remember me to Gallifrey.
 -- Drax, The Armageddon Factor
%%
Remember Milo's end,
Wedged in that timber which he strove to rend.
 -- Earl of Roscommon (1633-1684)
 -- Essay on Translated Verse, Line 87
%%
 Remember - more than three shakes is a wank.
 -- Written on urinal
%%
Remember, no matter how young you are, you are a father figure. Never show
 yourself to be insecure.
 -- Ronald Neame
%%
Remember, 'nowhere' is also 'now here.'
%%
Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xii, 1
%%
Remember -- only 10% of anything can be in the top 10%.
%%
Remember: Only dead fish swim with the stream ...
%%
Remember! Only Forest fires can prevent bears.
%%
Remember: only _you_ can prevent liberalism and progress.
%%
Remember, only YOU can start Barney fires.
%%
Remember: PASCAL can be cured if detected early.
%%
Remember, peasants, it's not a disgrace to be poor,
 only to dress like it!
 -- Zorro, the Gay Blade
%%
Remember People And Recipes Are Alike! Igredients Are IMPORTANT!
%%
Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions.
 You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg.
%%
Remember...play hockey, THEN loot and pillage!
%%
Remember:  Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
 -- Dave Butler
%%
Remember, somewhere, somehow, a Sysop is watching you.
%%
Remember, Speed kills! Try Windows to relax
%%
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you
 will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you.
About thirty-five _miles_ behind you, to be precise...
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Remember that in "IBM", "Business" comes before "Machines".
%%
Remember that it is far better to follow well than to lead indifferently.
 -- John G. Vance
%%
Remember that man's life lies all within this present, as 't were
but a hair's-breadth of time; as for the rest, the past is gone, the
future yet unseen. Short, therefore, is man's life, and narrow is
the corner of the earth wherein he dwells.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 10
%%
Remember that opportunity is a dare - not a door.
%%
Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.
 -- Hans Liepmann
%%
Remember that time in office is money in the campaign fund.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Remember that time is money.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Advice to a Young Tradesman, 1748
%%
Remember that to change thy mind and to follow him that sets thee
right, is to be none the less the free agent that thou wast before.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, viii, 16
%%
Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in
Cleveland.
 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorada"
%%
Remember that what pulls the strings is the force hidden within; there
lies the power to persuade, there the life,--there, if one must speak
out, the real man.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, x, 38
%%
Remember that when you hear a horse, it might be a zebra.
%%
Remember that writer's block is nothing more than a
failure of nerve--but don't let that bother you
%%
Remember the cold war? How pre-millennial!
%%
Remember, the current burger wars are making tacos cheap!
%%
Remember:The designated driver makes good CENTS!!
%%
Remember thee
Ay, thou poor ghost while memory holds a seat
In this distracted globe.  Remember thee!
Yea, from the table of my memory
I'll wipe away all trivial fond records,
All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past,
That youth and observation copied there.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Remember, the end never justifies the meanness.
%%
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
%%
Remember the good old days where you decided which candidate to vote for
by asking who would do the most good?  Now you ask who will do the least
harm.
%%
Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree,
but in the hearts of true friends.
 -- Cindy Lew
%%
Remember the iceball ... in 3 billion years, it won't matter.
%%
Remember the last time we had a Democratic president and a Democratic
Congress? Remember the 21 percent interest rates?  Remember the inflation of
13 percent?  Remember the grain embargo?  Remember the Soviet Union invasion
of Afghanistan?
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle in New Jersey to a crowd of
                   teenagers, 10/19/92.  During the Carter administration,
                   these teenagers were probably more interested in diapers
                   and baby formula than in economics and foreign policy.
                   (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer, 10/20/92)
%%
Remember, the more engineering projects there are, the more products
there will be.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Remember the old saying, "Faint heart never won fair lady."
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. x
%%
Remember the poor - it costs nothing.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Remember, there are two kinds of ships ... submarines, and targets.
%%
Remember: there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.
 -- Frank Zappa, "He's got 20 million dollars in his heavenly bank account."
%%
Remember there's an "if" in the middle of life.
%%
Remember, there's more to life than science fiction,
but not much
%%
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
 -- Scott Adams
%%
Remember the VW Anomaly...er, Bug?
%%
Remember the Wright Brothers? They were just plane folks.
%%
Remember this is for posterity, so be honest.
%%
Remember, this isn't Pascal, this is REAL programming.
 -- 68000 Assembly language, techniques for building programs
%%
Remember, this is only an exhibition, this is NOT a competition -- please,
no wagering.
 -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
Remember this,--that there is a proper dignity and proportion to be
observed in the performance of every act of life.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 32
%%
Remember this,--that very little is needed to make a happy life.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vii, 67
%%
Remember, to a computer 1 + 1 = 10.
%%
Remember, today could just as easily be the LAST day of the rest of your life.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
 Remember to end each sentence with a period
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Remember to finish what you.
 -- Writing Rule 43
%%
Remember to leave 15% for the tip of the iceberg.
%%
Remember to never split an infinitive.
%%
Remember to safeguard your wallets. Hucksters have been
seen at the convention.
%%
Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
%%
Remember to share good fortune as well as bad with your friends.
%%
Remember to thank your SYSOP on occasion!
%%
Remember, to them it is us who are the enemy
 -- N.F.Simpson
%%
Remember to watch Deanna Troi & Cal in the new show: Deep Space 69
%%
Remember: two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights
made an airplane, and three rights will get you onto the
freeway.
%%
Remember, Unix on some machines is nUxi.
%%
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
%%
Remember: use logout to logout.
%%
Remember: USER is a four letter word.
%%
Remember, UTS spelled backwards is STU.
%%
Remember way back when anyone who went to Hawaii spent much of the
 remainder of their life giving travel talks?
%%
Remember way back when it didn't do any good to try to look up those kids
 of words in the dictionary?
%%
Remember way back when it was only the kids that had to go out back behind
 the barn to get a smoke?
%%
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.  That's why it's a comfort
to go hand-in-hand.
%%
Remember, we have to get the baby out of the oven today.
%%
Remember, we're all counting on you!
%%
Remember what Simonides said,--that he never repented that he had
held his tongue, but often that he had spoken.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Rules for the Preservation of Health, 7
%%
Remember what the doormouse said...  FEED YOUR HEAD...
 -- Grace Slick
%%
Remember when 4K RAM encouraged efficient programming!
%%
Remember when 64k was alot of memory?
%%
Remember when a couch was used for making love instead of telling about it?
 -- Jack Douglas
%%
"Remember when atmospheric contaminants were romantically called stardust?"
 -- Lane Olinghouse
%%
Remember when a trojan was a warrior?
%%
Remember when explorers were politically correct?
%%
Remember when gay was the opposite of sad rather than straight?
%%
Remember, when Hitler's war ended, there were the Nuremberg trials.
 -- President George Bush, October 1990
%%
Remember when 'lots of ram' meant 32k?
%%
Remember when PC didn't mean Politically Correct?
%%
Remember when people who looked like they stuck their finger in a light
 socket often agreed with you when you commented that their barbar was not
 all that great. Today, the hair stylist makes you pay EXTRA for that very
 same look!
%%
Remember when Potato had an e & UN missions were defined!
%%
Remember, when preparing a dish for bedtime,
champagne is the best tenderizer.
%%
Remember when 'safe sex' meant a padded headboard?
%%
Remember when "safe sex" meant your parents had gone away for the weekend?
 -- Rhonda Hansome
%%
Remember when 'safe sex' was making sure the door was locked?
%%
Remember when 'safe sex' was not getting caught in the act?
%%
Remember when sex was safe and skydiving was dangerous?
%%
Remember when SI= 60, Sigh, Now It's 2
%%
Remember when we all wanted to look like Elizabeth Taylor?
Well, now I do.
 -- Carrie Snow
%%
Remember when: You played Red Rover, Red Rover, let Bob come over?
%%
Remember when you were a kid and the boys didn't like the girls?  Only
sissies liked girls?  What I'm trying to tell you is that nothing's
changed.  You think boys grow out of not liking girls, but we don't
grow out of it.  We just grow horny.  That's the problem.  We mix up
liking pussy for liking girls.  Believe me, one couldn't have less to
do with the other.
 -- Jules Feiffer
%%
Remember who has control of the DEL key!
%%
Remember: "Why doesn't the gov't do something" Is a trap.
%%
Remember, Yanks, if it wasn't for us British you'd all have been
Spanish.
%%
Remember You Are Not Immortal! Teach Your Kid To Cook Today
%%
Remember, you can't put too much water in a nuclear reactor.
%%
Remember, you only have that space because some advertiser wouldn't buy it.
 -- Herb Caen (to columnists)
%%
Remember: You're still moving ahead even if you're falling flat on your
face.
%%
Remember your place, programmer, that way you may keep your head.
%%
Remember, your tongue is a wet place and likely to slip!
%%
Remembrance and reflection how allied!
What thin partitions sense from thought divide!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 225
%%
"Remembrance of Things Past": an enormous fruitcake laced with cyanide.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Remind me to tell you sometime about the concept of the human ego.
%%
Reminds me of some game I used to play . . .
%%
Remmick: "We seek peaceful coexistence!"
 -- "Conspiracy", Stardate unknown
%%
Remorse disappears.
If you lose your horse, do not run after it;
It will come back of its own accord.
When you see evil people,
Guard yourself against mistakes.
%%
Remorse disappears. Men believe him.
Changing the form of government brings good fortune.
%%
Remorse disappears.
Take not gain and loss to heart.
Undertakings bring good fortune.
Everything serves to further.
%%
Remorse disappears.
The companion bites his way through the wrappings.
If one goes to him,
How could it be a mistake?
%%
Remorse is the pain of sin.
%%
Remorse is the period between one hangover and another.
%%
Remorse vanishes.
During the hunt
Three kinds of game are caught.
%%
Remote from cities liv'd a swain,
Unvex'd with all the cares of gain;
His head was silver'd o'er with age,
And long experience made him sage.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Shepherd and the Philosopher
%%
Remote from man, with God he passed the days;
Prayer all his business, all his pleasure praise.
 -- Thomas Parnell (1679-1717)
 -- The Hermit, Line 5
%%
Remote Login - a login that is unlikely to succeed.
%%
R.E.M.  Out Of Time
%%
Removal of this Tagline is Punishable by death.
%%
Removal of this Tagline is Punishable under Canadian Law.
%%
Remove an old tree and it will wither to death.
 -- Proverb
%%
Remove not the ancient landmark.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxii, 28; xxiii, 10
%%
Remove tongue from cheek before chewing.
%%
Removing the straw that broke the camel's back
does not necessarily allow the camel to walk again.
%%
Rem tene, verba sequentur.
"Keep to the subject, and the words will follow."
 -- Cato the Censor (?)
%%
Renault: Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash
%%
Render therefore to all their dues.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xiii, 7
%%
Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxii, 21
%%
Rene Descartes was a drunken fart, `I drink therefore I am.'
%%
Renegade Tagline!! We're tired of Being Kidnapped!!!  REBEL!!!!!
%%
Renegade the Better BBS software
%%
Renegade Time Lady
%%
Renewable energy source for hot air balloons.
%%
Renounce the Devil and all his works.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Baptism of Infants
%%
RENOVATION, IDEAL FOR
  See Demolition, Condemned, Wreck, Pile of bricks.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
RENOWN, n.  A degree of distinction between notoriety and fame -- a
little more supportable than the one and a little more intolerable
than the other.  Sometimes it is conferred by an unfriendly and
inconsiderate hand.

    I touched the harp in every key,
        But found no heeding ear;
    And then Ithuriel touched me
        With a revealing spear.

    Not all my genius, great as 'tis,
        Could urge me out of night.
    I felt the faint appulse of his,
        And leapt into the light!
                                                        W.J. Candleton
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rent a clue!
%%
Rent-To-Own a clue buddy.
%%
RENVR: REName Variables Randomly
%%
REPAIRMEN can fix anything.
%%
Repairmen know the tricks of the trade, but not the trade!
%%
Reparation for our rights at home, and security against the like future
violations.
 -- William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778)
 -- Letter to the Earl of Shelburne, Sept. 29, 1770
%%
REPARATION, n.  Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted
from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Repartee: an insult with a suit and tie on.
%%
REPARTEE, n.  Prudent insult in retort.  Practiced by gentlemen with a
constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to
offend.  In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Repeal inhibition!!
%%
Repeal the Keene Act!
%%
Repeal the law of gravity!!
%%
Repeal the Sixteenth Amendment!
%%
Repeated return. Danger. No blame.
%%
REPEATS
  *Sigh*. Last week I finished watching the Countdown repeats. What a
  nostalgia trip. Back to the late-70s. Bit of a nightmare, actually.
  The memories came flooding back. I think that now I am ready to
  atone for my sins. Yes, it's true. I once had brown cords. I'm not
  proud. It's just something I did in the foolish years of my youth.
  One of many things, actually. On the other hand, when it comes to
  embarrassing fads of the Seventies, I do have several points on my
  side. To my knowledge, I never wore flares. I didn't like Kiss. Or
  Abba. Sometimes I think I was pretty smart, considering I was just
  a kid.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Repel them! Repel them! Induce them to relinquish the spheroid!
 -- Indiana University football cheer
%%
Repent all ye 2400 baud modems, the end is NEAR!
%%
Repentance is good but innocence is better.
%%
Repentance is not so much remorse for what we have done
as the fear of the consequences.
 -- Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims" 1665
%%
REPENTANCE, n.  The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment.  It
is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not
inconsistent with continuity of sin.

    Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell,
    You will repent and join the Church, Parnell?
    How needless! -- Nick will keep you off the coals
    And add you to the woes of other souls.
                                                         Jomater Abemy
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Repent At Leisure: Marion Hayste
%%
Repetition does not establish validity.
 -- Souder's Law
%%
Repetition is always better the second time.
%%
Repetition is the soul of wit. Repetition is the soul
of wit. Repetition...
%%
Repetition of the Abysmal.
In the abyss one falls into a pit.
Misfortune.
%%
Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
%%
REPLICA, n.  A reproduction of a work of art, by the artist that made
the original.  It is so called to distinguish it from a "copy," which
is made by another artist.  When the two are mae with equal skill the
replica is the more valuable, for it is supposed to be more beautiful
than it looks.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:replicator: n. Any construct that acts to produce copies of
   itself; this could be a living organism, an idea (see {meme}), a
   program (see {quine}, {worm}, {wabbit}, {fork bomb},
   and {virus}), a pattern in a cellular automaton (see {life},
   sense 1), or (speculatively) a robot or {nanobot}.  It is even
   claimed by some that {{UNIX}} and {C} are the symbiotic halves
   of an extremely successful replicator; see {UNIX conspiracy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Reply hazy, ask again later.
%%
Reply, PLEASE don't leave JUST a tagline. (10 new minimum please).
%%
Reply to her editor who was bugging her for
her belated work while she was on her honeymoon:
"Too fucking busy, and vice versa."
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Reply to Plato: I seen horses I seen cows I haint never yet seen horsiness nor
that there bovinity neither.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Reporter: Ah.  So, kids, caught anything?
Lisa:     Not yet, sir.
Reporter: Uh huh.  Uh, what are you using for bait?
Lisa:     My brother's using worms, but I who feel the tranquility
          outweights the actual catching of fish, am using nothing.
Reporter: I see.  And what's your name, son?
Bart:     I'm Bart Simpson.  Who the hell are you?
Reporter: Heh heh.  I'm Dave Shutton, I'm an investigative reporter who's
          on the road a lot and, uh, I must say that in my day, we didn't talk
          that way to our elders.
Bart:     Well, this is my day, and we do, sir.
          [catches something on the line, with appropriate `Hulp!' noises]
          All right!  We eat tonight!
 -- ``Two Cars in Every Garage, Three Eyes on Every Fish''
%%
Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with
a tempest of words.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Reporter: Coach Tubbs, is God on Kansas' side?
Billy Tubbs: I don't know. What number does he wear?
 -- From a news conference at the NCAA
%%
REPORTER: "How did you like school when you were growing up, Yogi?"
YOGI BERRA: "Closed."
%%
Reporter: Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
REPORTER, n.  A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it
with a tempest of words.

    "More dear than all my bosom knows, O thou
    Whose 'lips are sealed' and will not disavow!"
    So sang the blithe reporter-man as grew
    Beneath his hand the leg-long "interview."
                                                          Barson Maith
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reporters do it daily.
%%
Reporters do it for a story.
%%
Reporters do it for the sensation it causes.
%%
REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system?

SENATOR: Bob, the MX missile system reminds me of an old saying that
the country folk in my state like to say.  It goes like this: "You can
carry a pig for six miles, but if you set it down it might run away."
I have no idea why the country folk say this.  Maybe there's some kind
of chemical pollutant in their drinking water.  That is why I pledge to
do all that I can to protect the environment of this great nation of
ours, and put prayer back in the schools, where it belongs.  What we
need is jobs, not empty promises.  I realize I'm risking my political
career be being so outspoken on a sensitive issue such as the MX, but
that's just the kind of straight-talking honest person I am, and I
can't help it.
 -- Dave Barry, "On Presidential Politics"
%%
REPORTER: "What would you do if you found a million dollars?"
YOGI BERRA: "If the guy was poor, I would give it back."
%%
Report me and my cause aright.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Report writing, like motor-car driving and love-making, is one of those
activities which almost every Englishman thinks he can do well without
instruction.  The results are of course usually abominable.
 -- Tom Margerison
 -- A Random Walk in Science compiled by R. L. Weber, edited by E. Mendoza
%%
REPOSE, v.i.  To cease from troubling.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
REP: Randomly Execute Programmers
%%
Representative government has broken down. Our politicians represent not the
people who vote for them but the commercial interests who finance their
election campaigns. We have the best politicians that money can buy.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
REPRESENTATIVE, n.  In national politics, a member of the Lower House
in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
REPROBATION, n.  In theology, the state of a luckless mortal
prenatally damned.  The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Calvin,
whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his
conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition, others are
predestined to salvation.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
" reproduces if added to its quotation." reproduces if added to its quotation.
%%
REPRODUCE
  The sort of thing that Jeremy Beadle should be banned from. The
  Beadles actually have a history of practical jokes, right back to
  the days of Christ, when Jeremiah Beadle convinced Joseph that the
  only accomodation left in town was a stable.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Reproduction strictly prohibited.
%%
Reproof on her lips, but a smile in her eye.
 -- Samuel Lover (1797-1868)
 -- Rory O'More
%%
Republican 1996 Campaign Theme:  "I Told You So!"
%%
Republican activist Dana Reed said he was amused recently when he received
an unsolicited certificate of commendation signed by Vice President
Dan Quayle.  The honor was awarded to Reed as "a champion of the traditional
American values of family, faith, hard work and morality."  Reed quipped,
"I'm twice-divorced and "Murphy Brown" is my favorite TV show"
 -- reported July, 92 by the Orange County Register
%%
Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican
girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first.
%%
Republican Christmas Card: "Season's Greedings."
%%
Republican Definition of Democracy: Obstacle to progress.
%%
Republican Health Plan: Failure to remain healthy is punishable by death
%%
Republican: If shit happens to someone, they deserved it.
%%
Republican: Only the same sh!t should happen.
%%
Republicans are born bad and grow worse.
%%
Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in this
country.  The remainder is thrown out.
%%
Republicans continue to show their disdain for women.
%%
Republicans: Crybabies of the '90s.
%%
Republicans cut red tape....LENGTHWISE
%%
REPUBLICANS do as their lobbyists tell them to
%%
Republicans do it to poor people.
%%
Republican: See CLUELESS
%%
Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.
%%
Republicans: Experts at diversionary tactics.
%%
Republicans: Filibuster this time and you're outta work.
%%
Republicans: hypocrisy is their most notable characteristic.
%%
Republicans: If you don't agree with them, you're unpatriotic.
%%
Republicans lie -- Democrats "change their mind."
 -- Liberal hypocrisy
%%
Republicans like high unemployment: lower wages, more profits.
%%
Republicans love the poor -- they've made so many of them..
%%
Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians and eyebrows.
Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes.
%%
Republicans say "Clean up the mess", but complain when it's done.
%%
Republicans sleep in twin beds - some even in separate rooms. That
is why there are more Democrats.
%%
Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats
put them in the bottom of the bird cage.
%%
Republicans take control of House and Senate!! Hostage crisis ends!!!!
%%
Republicans: Targets for jaded Democrats.
%%
Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom
any reason why they should.  Democrats ought to, but don't.
%%
Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle,  US News and World Report (10/10/88)
%%
[Republican supporter: You did great, Dan, great.  There's just one thing.
 This abortion thing.  You've got to realize that the Democratic position --]
Is extreme? (nodding in anticipation)
[No, is supported by 72 percent of the people in this country.
 You've got to drop it, Dan.]
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle while standing on the stage after
                  the VP debate taking the congratulations of well-wishing
                  Republicans, 10/13/92.  Quayle then nodded politely and
                  moved on. (reported in the NY Times 10/14/92)
%%
Republicans usually wear hats and clean their paint brushes.
%%
Republicans want to talk about haircuts, not the economy.
%%
Republicans: "We've got ours.  Screw you."
%%
Republican views of the world differ from Democratic views of the world.
 The reason for this is that these views are based on different compilations
 of misinformation.
%%
REPUBLIC, n.  A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing
governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to
enforce an optional obedience.  In a republic, the foundation of
public order is the ever lessening habit of submission inherited from
ancestors who, being truly governed, submitted because they had to.
There are as many kinds of republics as there are graduations between
the despotism whence they came and the anarchy whither they lead.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Republic of letters.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Jones, Book xiv, Chap. i
%%
Reputation is character minus what you've been caught doing.
%%
Reputation is for Time. Character is for Eternity.
%%
Reputation is what others are not thinking about you.
%%
Reputation, reputation, reputation! Oh, I have lost my reputation!
I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Reputations are created every day and every minute.
 -- Christopher Ruel
%%
Reputations are fine up to a point. After that they become a pain!
 -- D. Juan
%%
Reputations are made by searching for things that can't be done
and doing them.
 -- Frank Tyger
%%
Request CDC to DEVELOP - PC BOARD for OS/2 TODAY !!!
%%
Request CDC to DEVELOP - PC BOARD v16.0 TODAY!!!
%%
REQUIEM, n.  A mass for the dead which the minor poets assure us the
winds sing o'er the graves of their favorites.  Sometimes, by way of
providing a varied entertainment, they sing a dirge.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Requirements analysis
 determining what it is you can't do before failing to do it
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Requirements engineering
 convincing the customer to want what you think you can build
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Requirements review
 explaining what the customer won't get in language they don't
 understand
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Requires 8 "AAA" taglines; taglines not included.
%%
Require 'std/disclaimer.ph'
%%
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
:RE: /R-E/ n. Common spoken and written shorthand for {regexp}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
RESEARCH:
Consider Columbus:
He didn't know where he was going.
When he got there he didn't know where he was.
When he got back he didn't know where he had been.
And he did it all on someone else's money.
%%
Research: Doing battle with ignorance.
%%
Researchers are still looking for it.
%%
Researchers do it with control.
%%
Researcher's, where the info is!
%%
Research has now proven that living is the leading cause of death.
%%
Research has shown that breathing air can cause you to die of cancer.
There is a 100% correlation.  People who have died of cancer always
have breathed air.
%%
Research:  (Irregular noun)  That which I do for the benefit of
   humanity, you do for the money, he does to hog all the glory.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied
with what you have.
 -- Charles Kettering
%%
Research is reading two books that have never been read in order
to write a third that will never be read.
%%
Research is the best place to be: you work your buns off, and if it
works you're a hero; if it doesn't, well--nobody else has done it yet
either, so you're still a valiant nerd.
 -- Paul Beatty, on Why Research is Good
%%
Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
 -- Marston Bates, American zoologist
%%
Research is when you're puttering around without a clue to what's what.
%%
Research professors do it only if they get grants.
%%
Research scientists are so wrapped up in their own narrow
endeavours that they cannot possibly see the whole picture
of anything, including their own research.
 -- Whole Picture Principle
The Director of Research should know as little about the
specific subject of research he or she is administering.
 -- Corollary
%%
Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
 -- WindowError: 010
%%
Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
 -- WindowError: 01F
%%
Reset line is glitching.
%%
Resetting my twit filter to *.* once again.
%%
RESIDENT, adj.  Unable to leave.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Resident Vampire
%%
Resident Visitor
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Resignation - Oh f%*k it.
 -- The everyday versatility of the "F" word
%%
RESIGN, v.t.  To renounce an honor for an advantage.  To renounce an
advantage for a greater advantage.

    'Twas rumored Leonard Wood had signed
        A true renunciation
    Of title, rank and every kind
        Of military station --
        Each honorable station.

    By his example fired -- inclined
        To noble emulation,
    The country humbly was resigned
        To Leonard's resignation --
        His Christian resignation.
                                                       Politian Greame
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RES IPSA LOQUITUR, but not clearly. [the thing speaks for itself]
%%
Resistance is futile.
 -- First Mate, Enlightenment
%%
Resistance is ill-advisable.
 -- Styggron, The Android Invasion
%%
Resistance is useless.
 -- A Dalek, Dalek Invasion of Earth
 -- or The Doctor, Dalek Invasion of Earth
%%
Resistance is useless.
 -- Doctor, Invasion of Time
 -- or Astra, The Armageddon Factor
%%
Resistance Is Useless!   (If less than 1 ohm)
%%
Resistance is useless: Milly Ohm
%%
Resistance is useless.   Stand still.
 -- The Doctor, The Web Planet
%%
Resistance is useless.   Submit your will to the sake of the greater
   good.  It has been decided.
 -- The Master of the Land of Fiction, The Mind Robber
  Your resistance is useless.   We control the Ark.
 -- Noah (in Wirrn form), Ark in Space
%%
RESISTENCE IS FUTILE....
 -- The Borg
%%
Resist, expose, or stop immediately every public school or group sex
 education program, no matter what it is called or how it is diffused into
 the curriculum.
 -- Fr. Paul Marx, President, Human Life International, in his brochure,
       From Contraception to Abortion, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking
      For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll
 probably get another chance later on.
%%
Resist much, obey little.
 -- Walt Whitman
%%
Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.
 -- New Testament
 -- James iv, 7
%%
RESOLUTE, adj.  Obstinate in a course that we approve.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Resolute conduct.
Perseverance with awareness of danger.
%%
Resolv'd to ruin or to rule the state.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 174
%%
Resolved, that the 67th General Convention affirm the glorious ability of
God to create in any manner, whether men understand it or not, and in this
affirmation reject the limited insight and rigid dogmatism of the
"Creationist" movement...
 -- from a 1982 resolution of the Episcopal Church
%%
Resolved, that the women of this nation in 1876, have greater cause
for discontent, rebellion and revolution than the men of 1776.
 -- Susan B. Anthony
%%
Resolve to be thyself: and know that he
Who finds himself loses his misery.
 -- Matthew Arnold, "Self Dependence"
%%
Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Resort: a place where the tired grow more tired.
%%
Resorting to lawyers is proof of failure.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
RESPECTABILITY, n.  The offspring of a _liaison_ between a bald head
and a bank account.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Respectable men and women content with good and easy living are missing
some of the most important things in life.  Unless you give yourself to
some great cause you haven't even begun to live.
 -- William P. Merrill
%%
Respectable people do not write music or make love as a career.
 -- Alexander Borodin
%%
Respect for individual rights is the essential precondition for a free and
prosperous world, ... and that only through freedom can peace and
prosperity be realized.
 -- Preamble to the Libertarian Platform
%%
Respect for sovereignity, for privacy, for total independence. Gentle
alliances against loneliness, they were, cool rational love-affairs without
the love.
 -- Richard Bach, Thoughts of Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever
%%
Respecting your Elders doesn't include Joycelyn.
%%
Respect is a rational process.
 -- McCoy, "The Galileo Seven," stardate 2822.3.
%%
Respect is a virtue of humanity.
%%
Respect is love in plain clothes.
 -- Frankie Byrne
%%
Respect must be earned, not commanded.
%%
Respect the faculty that forms thy judgments.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 9
%%
Respect us human, and relieve us poor.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book ix, Line 318
%%
RESPIRATOR, n.  An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an
inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its
passage to the lungs.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RESPLENDENT, adj.  Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in
his lodge, or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an
elemental unit of a parade.

        The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet-
    and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them.
                                           "Chronicles of the Classes"
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Respondeo, etsi mutabor.
%%
RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scots.
%%
Responding to criticism is a foolish thing for a writer to do, and an
 unpleasant one. It is much better to read only the advertisements of your
 work and to note, briefly, your royalty reports. These will tell you how
 popular you are. How good you are, or are not, is a thing you should know
 only too well yourself.
 -- Ben Hecht
%%
Responding to it's true name, the mole asks you to follow him and he
will will lead you to a new place.
%%
RESPOND, v.i.  To make answer, or disclose otherwise a consciousness
of having inspired an interest in what Herbert Spencer calls "external
coexistences," as Satan "squat like a toad" at the ear of Eve,
responded to the touch of the angel's spear.  To respond in damages is
to contribute to the maintenance of the plaintiff's attorney and,
incidentally, to the gratification of the plaintiff.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
  Responsibility always exceeds authority.

 -- Kinkler's First Law
     All the easy problems have been solved.
 -- Kinkler's Second Law
%%
Responsibility is the linchpin of our society. Each man responsible for his
    own actions, each action contributing to the greater good.
 -- Major Briggs, from Twin Peaks
%%
RESPONSIBILITY, n.  A detachable burden easily shifted to the
shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor.  In the days
of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

    Alas, things ain't what we should see
    If Eve had let that apple be;
    And many a feller which had ought
    To set with monarchses of thought,
    Or play some rosy little game
    With battle-chaps on fields of fame,
    Is downed by his unlucky star
    And hollers:  "Peanuts! -- here you are!"
                                                   "The Sturdy Beggar"
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Responsibility's just another word for something left to do.
%%
Rest and Exorcise can make you a healthy person.
%%
Restaurant: An eating place that does not sell drugs.
%%
Restaurants Beef Up Vegetarian Menus
 -- Headline in the Oct. 15 edition of the Wall Street Journal
%%
Rest: Death after life.
 -- Edmund Spenser
%%
Rest is for the weary, sleep is for the dead.
 -- Colin Baker, ATTACK OF THE CYBERMEN
%%
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under
the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmer of water, or
watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste
of time.
 -- Sir J. Lubbock
%%
Rest is the sweet sauce of labor.
 -- Plutarch
%%
RESTITUTIONS, n.  The founding or endowing of universities and public
libraries by gift or bequest.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RESTITUTOR, n.  Benefactor; philanthropist.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Restlessness as an enduring condition brings misfortune.
%%
Restore a competent Government-dump liberals in Congress
%%
RESTORE A: C:\VIRGINITY\*.* /S
%%
Restrain thy mind, and let mildness ever attend thy tongue.
 -- Theognis
%%
Rest, rest, perturbed spirit!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
:restriction: n. A {bug} or design error that limits a program's
   capabilities, and which is sufficiently egregious that nobody can
   quite work up enough nerve to describe it as a {feature}.  Often
   used (esp. by {marketroid} types) to make it sound as though
   some crippling bogosity had been intended by the designers all
   along, or was forced upon them by arcane technical constraints of a
   nature no mere user could possibly comprehend (these claims are
   almost invariably false).

   Old-time hacker Joseph M. Newcomer advises that whenever choosing a
   quantifiable but arbitrary restriction, you should make it either a
   power of 2 or a power of 2 minus 1.  If you impose a limit of
   17 items in a list, everyone will know it is a random number --- on
   the other hand, a limit of 15 or 16 suggests some deep reason
   (involving 0- or 1-based indexing in binary) and you will get less
   {flamage} for it.  Limits which are round numbers in base 10 are
   always especially suspect.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all
subversions.  It is the one un-American act that could most easily
defeat us.
 -- Justice William O. Douglas (1898-1980)
%%
Result of a first cousin marriage.
%%
Results!  Why man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several
thousand things that won't work
 -- Thomas Alva Edison
%%
Results would only confuse people.
%%
Retailers move their merchandise.
%%
RETALIATION, n.  The natural rock upon which is reared the Temple of
Law.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Retirement is when you have everything to do on your own time.
%%
Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
 -- Malcolm S. Forbes
%%
Retirement should be based on the tread, not the mileage.
%%
RET: Read and Erase Tape
%%
Retreat hell! We're just fighting in another direction.
%%
Retreat. Success.
In what is small, perseverance furthers.
%%
RETRIBUTION, n.  A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon
the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by
evicting them.
    In the lines following, addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father
Gassalasca Jape, the reverend poet appears to hint his sense of the
improduence of turning about to face Retribution when it is talking
exercise:

    What, what! Dom Pedro, you desire to go
        Back to Brazil to end your days in quiet?
    Why, what assurance have you 'twould be so?
        'Tis not so long since you were in a riot,
        And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at
    Your throat and shake you like a rat.  You know
    That empires are ungrateful; are you certain
    Republics are less handy to get hurt in?
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Retribution will be yours.
%%
:retrocomputing: /ret'-roh-k*m-pyoo'ting/ n. Refers to emulations
   of way-behind-the-state-of-the-art hardware or software, or
   implementations of never-was-state-of-the-art; esp. if such
   implementations are elaborate practical jokes and/or parodies,
   written mostly for {hack value}, of more `serious' designs.
   Perhaps the most widely distributed retrocomputing utility was the
   `pnch(6)' or `bcd(6)' program on V7 and other early UNIX
   versions, which would accept up to 80 characters of text argument
   and display the corresponding pattern in {{punched card}} code.
   Other well-known retrocomputing hacks have included the programming
   language {INTERCAL}, a {JCL}-emulating shell for UNIX, the
   card-punch-emulating editor named 029, and various elaborate PDP-11
   hardware emulators and RT-11 OS emulators written just to keep an
   old, sourceless {Zork} binary running.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Retteb gnitteg s'ti timda ot evah I
%%
!retupmoc siht edisni deppart m'I  !pleH
%%
RETURN
  An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want
  to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - Find the bag that your product X came in, which naturally has the
      shop's logo plastered all over it. Failing this, you should try
      and find another bag, from a different time you went to that
      particular shop. No, it doesn't really make sense, just don't
      worry about it.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
RETURN
  An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want
  to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - Find the receipt. Okay, so you only bought your product X
      yesterday, the shop you bought it from probably only sells an X
      once in a blue moon and the shopkeeper in question has known
      you personally for a period of decades. But severe paranoia
      about the shop's denial of any knowledge of product X means you
      must have the receipt with you when you stroll in the door to
      have any confidence or strength when you begin with the words
      "I bought this yesterday..." (See Receipt).
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
RETURN
  An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want
  to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - If you're going to even think about mentioning refunds, take
      along proof of identity, a shotgun, several lawyers, and all of
      the above.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
RETURN
  An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want
  to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - When you get to the shop, radiate confidence. For some reason,
      whenever I'm in this situation I get pangs of guilt going
      through my mind... "You don't really need to return it! It
      works okay if you hold it at a 30 degree angle! Don't be so
      petty! It only singed a bit of the carpet! Only the garden shed
      burnt down! It didn't fry the whole family! You've got a nerve,
      daring to declare the manufacturers to have failed in their
      goal of trying to bring you the perfect product X! They'll
      probably shed jobs over this! And you'll be personally
      responsible for the decline of dozens of families, and the
      eventual joint suicide of the workers at the ruined site of the
      bankrupt factory."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Returned for regrooving.
%%
Return from a short distance.
No need for remorse.
Great good fortune.
%%
:return from the dead: v. To regain access to the net after a long
   absence.  Compare {person of no account}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Return on investments seldom does! The government owns all the detour
 signs.
%%
Return-Path: C:\*.* to shining C:\*.*
%%
Return. Success.
Going out and coming in without error.
Friends come without blame.
To and Fro goes the way.
On the seventh day comes return.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
%%
Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
%%
Return to the way.
How could there be blame in this?
Good fortune.
%%
Return unto thy rest, my soul,
  From all the wanderings of thy thought,
From sickness unto death made whole,
  Safe through a thousand perils brought.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- Rest for the Soul
%%
return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush()));
%%
Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear....
 -- The Lone Ranger
%%
Reunions can be a wonderful thing, especially when neither of the
reunited parties manage to recall what separated them in the first place.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Wizard's Digest Condensed edition
%%
Reunite Gondonoland! Reunite white on ice.
%%
Reunite Gondwanaland!
%%
Reuseable Condoms: Just shake the f**k out of them...
%%
Reuse
 using an existing product in a new context; especially as applied
 to proposals, resumes, disclaimers and excuses
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
REVEILLE, n.  A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields
no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.  In the
American army it is ingeniously called "rev-e-lee," and to that
pronunciation our countrymen have pledged their lives, their
misfortunes and their sacred dishonor.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
REVELATION, n.  A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed
all that he knew.  The revealing is done by the commentators, who know
nothing.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Revenge, at first though sweet,
Bitter ere long back on itself recoils.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 171
%%
Revenge, duplicity, and betrayal.
 -- Roy Lichtenstein
%%
Revenge is a dish best served cold
 -- Sicilian (or Klingon) Proverb
%%
Revenge is a dish best served... microwaved.
%%
Revenge is a dish best served... with stuffing instead of potatoes!
%%
Revenge is a dish best served... with tangy Miracle Whip!
%%
Revenge is a dish best served... with whipped cream.
%%
Revenge is a form of nostalgia.
%%
Revenge is a kind of wild justice, which the more man's nature runs
to, the more ought law to weed it out.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Revenge
%%
Revenge is profitable, gratitude is expensive.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (1776), Chap. xi
%%
Revenge is sleeping with your enemies wife.
Sweet revenge is the realization that she's a lousy lay.
%%
Revenge is sweeter than life itself.  So think fools.
%%
Revenge is the answer.
%%
Revenge will put the bloom of health in your cheeks.
%%
Reverence is an attitude of deepest respect and amazement toward deity.
 -- L. Tom Perry, Oct. 1990
%%
REVERENCE, n.  The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a
man.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
    Reverend Belling (Graham) You know, there are many people
in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are
sane.  Some of them were born sane.  Some of them became sane
later in their lives.  It is up to people like you and me who
are out of our tiny little minds to try and help these people
overcome their sanity.  You can start in small ways with ping-
pong ball eyes and a funny voice and then you can paint half
of your body red and the other half green and then you can
jump up and down in a bowl of treacle going "squawk, squawk,
squawk ..." And then you can go "Neurhhh! Neurhhh!" and then
you can roll around on the floor going "pting pting pting"...
 -- Monty Python
%%
Reversals are coming!
%%
Reverse-engineering the future.
%%
Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
Reversing entropy is everyone's business.
%%
Reviewer's Note: A rejection slip based upon literature and theories
in vogue during the period the reviewer was studying for his or her Ph.D.
%%
REVIEW, v.t.

    To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it,
        Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)
    At work upon a book, and so read out of it
        The qualities that you have first read into it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Revive the Saturn V!
%%
Rev. Jim:   What does an amber light mean?
Bobby:               Slow down.
Rev. Jim:   What ...   does ...  an ...  amber ...  light ...  mean?
Bobby:                Slow down.
Rev. Jim:   What ....        does ....     an ....     amber ....     light....
%%
Revlon effect: Our only service is lip service.
%%
Revolt now, while you still have the chance.
%%
REVOLUTION:
   A form of government abroad.
%%
REVOLUTIONARY .............. Disk drives go round and round
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals
 -- Oh, Lucky Man
%%
REVOLUTION, n.  In politics, an abrupt change in the form of
misgovernment.  Specifically, in American history, the substitution of
the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry, whereby the
welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch.
Revolutions are usually accompanied by a considerable effusion of
blood, but are accounted worth it -- this appraisement being made by
beneficiaries whose blood had not the mischance to be shed.  The
French revolution is of incalculable value to the Socialist of to-day;
when he pulls the string actuating its bones its gestures are
inexpressibly terrifying to gory tyrants suspected of fomenting law
and order.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Revolution. On your own day
You are believed.
Supreme success.
Furthering through perseverance.
Remorse disappears.
%%
Revolutions are celebrated when they are no longer dangerous.
 -- Pierre Boulez (1925- ), French composer and conductor
 -- London Guardian (January 13, 1989)
%%
Revolutions are not made; they come.
 -- Wendell Phillips (1811-1884)
 -- Speech, Jan. 28, 1852
%%
Revolutions never go backward.
 -- Wendell Phillips (1811-1884)
 -- Speech, Feb. 12, 1861
%%
Reward for a job well done: more work
%%
Rewards are usually anti-climatic- the fun is in the doing.
%%
RHAPSODY in Glpurpose of capital punishment is to inspire fear and
awe--fear and awe of the State.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
RHETORICAL
  Well if you didn't want an answer, why did you bother asking a
  question? It's that kind of behaviour that leads to extreme
  irritation and eventual violence involving a jack-hammer, three
  bananas in various orifices and strangulation with a vacuum
  cleaner hose.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
"Rhett, Rhett!  What shall I do?  Where shall I go?"
"Frankly, my dear Scarlett, I don't give a damn."
 -- Gone with the wind
%%
Rheumatic:  Amourous...
%%
RHNEZ: Randomize and Halt if Not Equal to Zero
%%
Rhode Island: Texas after taxes.
%%
Rhode Island, the ocean state.
%%
Rhode Island, the smallest state in the USA.
%%
RHO: Randomize and Hold all Output
%%
RHYTHM METHOD: Baby roulette.
%%
RIBALDRY, n.  Censorious language by another concerning oneself.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RIBROASTER, n.  Censorious language by oneself concerning another.
The word is of classical refinement, and is even said to have been
used in a fable by Georgius Coadjutor, one of the most fastidious
writers of the fifteenth century -- commonly, indeed, regarded as the
founder of the Fastidiotic School.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:rib site: [by analogy with {backbone site}] n. A machine that
   has an on-demand high-speed link to a {backbone site} and serves
   as a regional distribution point for lots of third-party traffic in
   email and USENET news.  Compare {leaf site}, {backbone site}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rice a RONNIE.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
:rice box: [from ham radio slang] n. Any Asian-made commodity
   computer, esp. an 80x86-based machine built to IBM PC-compatible
   ISA or EISA-bus standards.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rice Krispies and Beer. The breakfast that goes snap, crackle, burp!
%%
RICE-WATER, n.  A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular
novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the
conscience.  It is said to be rich in both obtundite and lethargine,
and is brewed in a midnight fog by a fat which of the Dismal Swamp.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RICH, adj.  Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property
of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the
luckless.  That is the view that prevails in the underworld, where the
Brotherhood of Man finds its most logical development and candid
advocacy.  To denizens of the midworld the word means good and wise.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rich and rare were the gems she wore,
And a bright gold ring on her wand she bore.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Rich and rare were the Gems she wore
%%
Richard A. Gephardt, Congressman (Mo.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Richard G. Lugar, Senator (Ind.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Richard H. Stallings, Congressman (Id.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Richard H. Truly, Astronaut (Space Shuttle pilot), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
 Richard Nixon should pull out before it's
 too late, just like his father should've.
 -- Toilet graffiti
%%
Richard the Lion-Heart is alive and well
and asking Christian Barnard for his money back.
%%
Richard T. Schulze, Congressman (Penn.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Rich, be not exalted; poor, be not dejected.
 -- Cleobulus
%%
Rich customer on phone to fishmonger: Please deliver me a
  dozen oysters, not too large, not too small, not very old,
  not tough and not sandy.
Fishmonger: Certainly, madam. With or without pearls?
%%
Riches certainly make themselves wings.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxiii, 5
%%
Riches cover a multitude of woes.
 -- Menander
%%
Ridicule is the best test of truth.
 -- Lord Chesterfield (1694-1773)
%%
RIDICULE, n.
Words designed to show that the person of whom the true statesman
is the one who is willing to take risks.
 -- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), 1967
%%
RID: Read Invalid Data
%%
Riel Ambush!: May T. Surprise
%%
Rien n'est si dangereux qu'un ignorant ami; Mieux vaudrait un sage ennemi.
(Nothing is as dangerous as an ignorant friend; better a wise enemy)
 -- Jean de la Fontaine
%%
Right after I graduate, I'm gonna sit in a tree, cut
the soles off my shoes, and learn to play the flute
%%
Right as an aspen lefe she gan to quake.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Troilus and Creseide, Book ii, Line 1201
%%
Right behind me, and gaining ground!
%%
Right! Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!
%%
Righteous Gump.....You've Lost That Box of Chocolates
%%
Righteous indignation is bravery in a closet.
 -- John Francis Putnam (1964)
%%
Righteousness exalteth a nation.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiv, 34
%%
RIGHTEOUSNESS, n.  A sturdy virtue that was once found among the
Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque.  Some
feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it
into several European countries, but it appears to have been
imperfectly expounded.  An example of this faulty exposition is found
in the only extant sermon of the pious Bishop Rowley, a characteristic
passage from which is here given:

        "Now righteousness consisteth not merely in a holy state of
    mind, nor yet in performance of religious rites and obedience to
    the letter of the law.  It is not enough that one be pious and
    just:  one must see to it that others also are in the same state;
    and to this end compulsion is a proper means.  Forasmuch as my
    injustice may work ill to another, so by his injustice may evil be
    wrought upon still another, the which it is as manifestly my duty
    to estop as to forestall mine own tort.  Wherefore if I would be
    righteous I am bound to restrain my neighbor, by force if needful,
    in all those injurious enterprises from which, through a better
    disposition and by the help of Heaven, I do myself restrain."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Right-handers go over there, left-handers go over there, the rest of
you, come with me.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Right, I'll do you for that!
 -- The Black Knight
%%
Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
%%
Rightly to be great
Is not to stir without great argument,
But greatly to find quarrel in a straw
When honour 's at the stake.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
RIGHT, n.  Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right
to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have
measles, and the like.  The first of these rights was once universally
believed to be derived directly from the will of God; and this is
still sometimes affirmed _in partibus infidelium_ outside the
enlightened realms of Democracy; as the well known lines of Sir
Abednego Bink, following:

        By what right, then, do royal rulers rule?
            Whose is the sanction of their state and pow'r?
        He surely were as stubborn as a mule
            Who, God unwilling, could maintain an hour
    His uninvited session on the throne, or air
    His pride securely in the Presidential chair.

        Whatever is is so by Right Divine;
            Whate'er occurs, God wills it so.  Good land!
        It were a wondrous thing if His design
            A fool could baffle or a rogue withstand!
    If so, then God, I say (intending no offence)
    Is guilty of contributory negligence.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Right now, a little boredom wouldn't come amiss.
%%
Right now I feel that I've got my feet on the ground as far as my head
 is concerned.
 -- Baseball pitcher Bo Belinsky
%%
Right now I find you extremely, extremely...of course we haven't time
  for that sort of thing.
What sort of thing?
Oh, god would I love to show you.
 -- Dr. Crusher and Picard, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at U.C.L.A., but my goal is
 to become a veternarian, 'cause I love children.
 -- Julie Brown
%%
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.  I think I've
 forgotten this before.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Right. Now the sort of person we're looking for is an aggressive
  drunken lout with the intelligence of a four-year-old, and the
  sophistication of a donkey.
(thinking)...Cardinal Wolsey...
 -- Edmund and Percy : Beer
%%
Right now we have a theory of mutually assured destruction that supposedly
provides for peace and stability, and it's worked.  But that doesn't mean
that we can't build upon a concept of MAD where both sides are vulnerable
to another attack.  Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable
peace, a better prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the
first place to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction
to defensive capability.  I believe that is the route this country will
eventually go.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle discussing nuclear weapons
 -- at a speech in Chicago.  (reported in the NY Times 9/9/88)
%%
Right program, wrong parameters.
%%
"Right reason," by which Cicero meant an "immediate and intuitive
apprehension of moral and spiritual values," of what is right and just
and what is wrong and unjust, was in the nature of things placed by God
in all men; and no decree or legislative enactment could change what is
right and what is wrong.
 -- Forrest MacDonald
%%
Rights are not subject to negotiation.
 -- Jeff Chan
%%
"Rights" is a fictional abstraction.
No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood.
Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Right. That concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.
%%
Right theory, wrong universe.
%%
:Right Thing: n. That which is *compellingly* the correct or
   appropriate thing to use, do, say, etc.  Often capitalized, always
   emphasized in speech as though capitalized.  Use of this term often
   implies that in fact reasonable people may disagree.  "What's the
   right thing for LISP to do when it sees `(mod a 0)'?  Should
   it return `a', or give a divide-by-0 error?"  Oppose
   {Wrong Thing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Right-wing Fanatic: Anyone who disagrees with a liberal.
%%
Right you are if you say you are -- obscurely.
 -- TIME, 30-Dec-77
%%
RIGOR MORRIS - The cat is dead.
%%
Rigor Mortis Tortoise
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
RIG: Read Inter-record Gap
%%
Riker: "A Dyson sphere?" Picard: "A very old theory, Number One, I'm
not surprised that you haven't heard  of it.  In the twentieth century,
a physicist called Freeman Dyson postulated  the theory that an enormous
hollow sphere could be constructed around a star.  This would have
the advantage of harnessing all the radiant energy of that  star,
and any population living on the interior surface would have virtually
 inexhaustable sources of power."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Riker: "A good chance, this is our ship.  Looks like you're the leader."
Worf: "Perhaps we should not jump to conclusions.  *I* am decorated as well."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker, AKA "Number One." A spy for the Borg?
%%
Riker and Bev, when the Trill got frisky...
%%
Riker: "Are you saying you think there're people living in there?"
Data: "Possibly a great number of people, Commander.  The interior surface area
  of a sphere this size is the equivalent of more than two-hundred and fifty
  million Class-M planets."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Riker: "Barclay!  Barclay?  What's going on?  Barclay!"
Barclay: "Yes, Commander, it's me."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Riker: "Captain Scott, Lieutenant Worf."
Scott: "'Lieutenant'?"
Worf: "Yes."
Riker: "Captain, perhaps there are a few things we should talk about."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Riker: "Captain's Log, Stardate 44003.3.  Repairs are complete, and
the  Enterprise is warping to rendevous with Starfleet at Wolf-359.
 Communications  from the site of battle have been cut off, possibly
due to Borg interferance."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Commander Shelby, prepare to initiate your plan to separate the saucer
  section when we find the Borg."
Shelby: "Sir, I must remind you that Captain Picard was briefed on that plan.
  The Borg will be prepared for it."
Riker: "I'm aware of that, Commander.  In fact, I'm counting on it."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Commander Shelby, take an Away Team and confirm that the Borg are...
  asleep."
Shelby: "Delighted, sir."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Commander, we don't have to like each other to work well together.
 As a
  matter of fact, I'd like you to continue to keep me on my toes."
Shelby: "Sir, I like to find that as the role of a first officer."
Riker: "Damn, you *are* ambitious, aren't you Shelby?"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Riker: "Could someone survive inside a transporter buffer for seventy-five
  years?"
LaForge: "I know a way to find out."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Riker: "Course for Station McKinley ready and laid in, sir."
Picard: "Make it so, Number One."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Deanna, I don't know if you can hear me, I've, I've heard
doctors say  that even when someone's in a coma, they may be able
to hear when people talk  to them.  But it might help, to stimulate
the brain...speed healing.  In fact,  I think you did that for me
once, when I was in pretty bad shape.  I just  thought...it might
help to hear a friendly voice...even if you don't know  you're hearing
it.  We've been buzy mapping the sector.  It's been pretty  routine.
 Themost unusual thing we've seen is a binary star system.  Let's
 see, what else.  I finished the personnel review that we were working
on.  You  can check it out...when you wake up.  I miss you.  Please
don't stay away too  long."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45430.9
%%
Riker: "Do you mind if we discuss changes in procedure before you make them?"
Ro: "If I had to come to you in advance and ask you to do it my way--"
Riker: "I might have said--"
Ro: "No."
Riker: "Yes, maybe."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "Ensign Crusher, at their current speed, when will they reach Earth?"
Wesley: "Twenty-seven minutes."
Riker: "The soonest we can intercept?"
Wesley: "Forty-two minutes."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Ensign, evasive pattern, Riker-Beta."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Evasive manuevers, Pattern Riker-Alpha."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Fighting off all of the species of which you insulted would be a full-
  time mission.  That's not the one I signed up for."
Picard: "Indeed."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Riker: "First Officer's Log, Stardate 44001.4.  The Borg ship has resumed its
  course towards Earth.  We are unable to pursue, pending repairs to the
  Enterprise."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Riker: "First Officer's Log, Stardate 45240.6.  The Enterprise is
nearing Qualor
  II, home of a Federation surplus depot operated by the Zakdorn.  We hope to
  find out how the salvaged deflector array ended up in the hands of the
  Ferengi."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Riker: "First Officer's Log, Stardate 45245.8.  The Enterprise remains at
  Qualor II as we continue to investigate the theft of the surplus Vulcan ship.
  The trail has led us to the former wife of a deceased smuggler."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "First Officer's Log, Supplemental.  The Enterprise has reached
Galorndon
  Core, near the border of the Neutral Zone."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "Given the choice between slim and none, I'll take slim anyday."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Riker: "Good luck, Admiral."
Hansen: "Hmm.  To us all."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Riker: "Have you found out anything that might give us some insight into what
  happened?"
Troi: "Not specifically, but there are two things that seem unusual.  The
  bartender is an artificial lifeform."
Data: "Can I get you something?  A beverage?"
Riker: "No, thank you."
Ro: "No, I'm fine."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "He was into some bad business.  And he took the evidence with him."
Amarie: "His one endearing quality.  He always cleaned up after himself."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "How could our mortal enemy be over one-hundred years behind us in
  weapons technology?"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "How do we get him out of there?"
LaForge: "We don't.  Not without killing him."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Riker: "How much do you remember?"
Picard: "Everything...including some brilliantly unorthodox strategy from...a
  former first officer of mine."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "How well did you know Spock?"
Picard: "I only met him once.  What I know of him comes from history books.
  And, of course, a mind meld with his father."
Riker: "Well that must cover a lot of ground."
Picard: "Not as much as you'd imagine.  Sarek and Spock.  Well, sometimes,
  fathers and sons--"
Riker: "Mmm, understood."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Riker: "I don't believe this!"
Troi: "He's king to his particular hill, Commander.  You have to treat him that
  way."
Riker: "Counselor, this feels like a perfect job for you."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Riker: "I don't know who any of you are."
Picard: "Neither do I.  I don't...I don't even remember who I am."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "I have to ask you about your husband."
Amarie: "Well, it was nice while it lasted.  Which husband?"
Riker: "The dead one, I'm afraid."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "I have to get going.  I have to get back to Cargo Bay Two."
Rogers: "Well, tha, thanks for...walking me down."
Riker: [Smiles]  "Sure."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Riker: "I hope I'm not interrupting."
Ro and Troi: "No."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "I'm Commander William Riker from the Starship Enteprise."
Dokachin: "Dokachin, Quartermaster Surplus Depot Zed One Five."
Riker: "I need some information about a Vulcan ship, the T'Pau.  It was sent to
  you a few years ago."
Dokachin: "Did you arrange an appointment?"
Riker: "'An appointment'?  No."
Dokachin: "The I will be unable to help you.  You may communicate with
  Scheduling."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Riker: "I'm Commander William Riker, Starship Enterprise.  Lieutenant Commander
  Geordi LaForge."
Scott: "The Enterprise?  I should've known.  I bet Jim Kirk himself pulled the
  gal out of mothballs to come looking for me!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Riker: "I'm sure Captain Picard would have something meaningful and
 inspirational to say right now.  To tell you the truth, I wish he
was here,  'cause I'd like to here it too.  I know how difficult this
transition has been  you all of you.  I can take over for him.  But
I can never replace Captain  Picard, nor would I ever try.  Whatever
the outcome, I'm sure our efforts in  the coming battle, will justify
his faith in all of us.  Dismissed."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "I take it the Sheliak just hung up on us again."
 -- "The Ensigns Of Command", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker: "I've been doing a little research.  Trying to find out more about
  William T. Riker."
Troi: "What have you discovered?"
Riker: "He's a musician, for one thing."  [Plays trombone]
Troi: "Very impressive."
Riker: "No one was more surprised than I."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "Just remember, sir...Captain Riker's never lost."
 -- "Peak Performance", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker: "Know this one?  Twentieth-century Earth.  Maybe I can teach you a lick
  or two."
Amarie: "You already have."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "Let me explain what'll happen to you if you don't tell me about the
  Vulcan ship.  Your rite of passage though this sector will be revoked, and
  more than that, I will be *very* unhappy."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "Lieutenant Worf, everyone in this room shares my respect for your
  service to this ship.  But right now, I need your experience at Tactical.
  Commander Data, I realize your very nature omits ambition.  Nevertheless, I
  want you to know that I seriously considered you as first officer."
Data: "Thank you, sir."
Riker: "But this is not the time for change.  I need all of you where you are,
  where Captain Picard always relied on you.  I have been, reluctantly, forced
  to conclude that Commander Shelby, our expert on the Borg is an ideal choice
  at this time for a first officer."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Locutus of Borg, this is Captain William T. Riker of the U.S.S.
  Enterprise."
Locutus: "You may speak."
Riker: "We wish to end the hostilities."
Locutus: "Then you must unconditionally surrender."
Riker: "We are prepared to meet to discuss your terms."
Locutus: "It is unlikely you are prepared to discuss terms.  It is more likely
  that this is an attempt at deception."
Riker: "Come now, Locutus.  If Picard's knowledge and experience is a part of
  you, then you know that I have never lied to him.  You should also implicitly
  trust me, is that not so?"
Locutus: "Picard implicitly trusted you."
Riker: "Then trust me now.  Meet to discuss your terms."
Locutus: "Discussion is irrelevant.  There are no terms.  You will disarm all
  your weapons and escort us to Sector 001, where we will begin assimilating
  your culture and techno--"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Maybe you haven't heard, I tried to kill him yesterday!" Guinan:
"You tried to kill whatever that is on the Borg ship...not Picard.
 Picard is still here with us...in this room.  If he had died, it
would've been  easier.  But he didn't.  They took him from us, a piece
at a time."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Mister Barclay, everyone is still trying to figure out exactly
how you  did it." Barclay: "Well, it just occurred to me that I could
set up a frequency harmonic  between the deflector and the shield
grid, using the warp-field generator as a  power-flow anti-attainguator,
and that of course, naturally created an  amplification of the inherent
energy output." Riker: "Uh-huh, I see that."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Riker: "Mister Crusher, engag--"
Data: "Data to Bridge, standby."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Mister Crusher, ready a collision course with the Borg ship."
Wesley: [What?!]
Riker: "You heard me, a collision course!"
Wesley: "Yes, sir."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Mister Data, is it possible to plant a command into the Borg collective
  consciousness?"
Data: "It is conceivable, sir.  But it would require altering the pathway from
  the root command, to affect all intricate branchpoints in the--"
Riker: "Make every effort, Mister Data."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Mister Data, Mister Worf, I have a special mission for you."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Mister Data, what the hell happened?"
Data: "I successfully planted a command into the Borg collective consciousness.
  It misdirected them to believe that it was time to regenerate.  In effect, I
  put them all to sleep."
Riker: "'Sleep'?"
Data: "Yes, sir."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Mister Data, your final report."
Data: "Standby."
Riker: "I *can't*, Mister Data!"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Mister Dekachin?"
Dokachin: "Dokachin.  Krim Dokachin."
Riker: "Mister Dokachin, the information I need involves a matter of major
  importance to the Federation.  I'll need access to your logs, your files, my
  people can do the work."
Dokachin: "I don't allow outsiders into my computer system."
Riker: "All right, one of your people can do the work."
Dokachin: "I wish I had the people to spare, I don't."
Riker: "Well, sir, what would you suggest?!"
Dokachin: "I don't know.  Contact me when you reach orbit."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Riker: "Move over."
Amarie: "Oh, just what I need, another set of hands."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "My grandfather was bit by a snake once.  And after four days of
  *intense pain*...the snake died."
 -- "Shades Of Grey", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker: "O'Brien, take a nap.  You didn't see *any* of this, you're not
  involved."
O'Brien: "Right, sir.  If you need me, I'll be here in the corner, dozing off."
 -- "Pen Pals", Stardate 42695.3
%%
Riker: "Okay, I'm looking for you."
Amarie: "Oh, you just made my day."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "Once he was wired into the Borg, they knew everything that he knew.  I
  just hope it goes both ways."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Open fire, all weapons."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Pinocchio is broken...his strings have been cut."
 -- "The Measure Of A Man", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker: "Reset subspace communications, Scrambler Code Riker-Alpha."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "Sensors?"
Data: "I am having difficulty scanning the object.  It appears to be
  approximately two-hundred-million kilometers in diameter."
Riker: "That's nearly as large as the Earth's orbit around the sun."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Riker's favorite holo program: "Night of a Thousand Oiled Trois."
%%
Riker: "She's not much to look at."
Scott: "Laddie, every woman has her own charm.  You just have to know where to
  look for her."
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
Riker: "Stay where you are, Klag!  I've relieved Captain Kargon.  He was acting
  in an irrational manner.  I'm your captain now."
 -- "A Matter Of Honor", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker! Stop looking down Deanna's cleavage!
%%
Riker's trombone backfires, creating a new universe.
%%
Riker's trombone backfires, creating a tagline.
%%
Riker: "Thank you for coming on board, Mister Dokachin."
Dokachin: "Quite a ship you have."
Riker: "We're tied into your computers if you'd like to access the files."
Dokachin: "I usually don't see them in such good condition.  By the time they
  get to me they're always falling apart."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
"Riker": "That's far enough!  Stay right where you are.  Drop your weapons."
Sela: "How did you get in here?"
"Riker": "Drop your weapons.  Drop your weapons."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "The navigators on this ship have been doing flight handling assessments
  the same way for years, Ensign!"
Ro: "And I found a better way."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "Then take your best shot, Locutus, 'cause we are about to 'intervene'."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "The point is that I didn't get the chance."
Ro: "'The point is', with all due respect, Commander, you are trying to turn me
  into your idea of the model officer."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "The remains of another ship."
LaForge: "It's a good possibility."
Worf: "Or perhaps, we were engaged in battle.""
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "The rules on this ship do not change just because Ro Laran decides they
  do."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "These are your quarters."
Troi: "Thanks for your help.  Come in for a minute?"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "The T'Pau is missing?"
Dokachin: "The T'Pau...is missing."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Riker: "They couldn't have adapted that quickly."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Riker: "They're worried.  They're worried because we have access to Picard.
  Mister Data, we have two minutes to figure out what we can do with it."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "This console is tactical configuration."
Worf: "Yes, phaser power status, intruder scan, torpedo guidance."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker to Enterprise. Beam down Troi and a six-pack.
%%
Riker to Enterprise: I've fallen, and I can't beam up!
%%
Riker to Troi, exit Holodeck 2. It's my turn to "relax".
%%
Riker to Troi : "Honey, I ARJed Data..."
%%
Riker: "We know you're behind this, Q."
Q: "*These* aren't my colors!  And what're you blathering about, Riker?!"
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Riker: "Welcome aboard, sir.  I'm Commander Riker, first officer."
Maxwell: "I know all about you, commander.  Fine work you did with
the Borg.  We  all owe you on that one." Riker: "Thank you, sir."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44431.7
%%
Riker: "Well, I'm a little confused."
Troi: "Well, if you're still confused tomorrow, you know where my office is."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "Well, with that Holodeck we just saw.  I think I could conjure up an
  interesting program or two."
Ro: "Now that's disappointing."
Riker: "Why?"
Ro: "You don't strike me as a man who needs a Holodeck to have a good time."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "We might regret this."
Ro: "Regret *what*?  Aren't you being a little presumptuous?"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "We're going to search the ship."
Worf: "Very well, *proceed*."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "We should probably get you to Sickbay.  Doctor Crusher will want to
  have--"
Scott: "You've changed the resonator array!"
Riker: "Geordi, I think our guest is going to have a lot of engineering
  questions."
LaForge: "Not to worry, Commander, I'll take care of it."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Riker: "We should start with the most crucial areas first."
Ro: "Main Engineering, Deck Thirty-Six, I'm on my way."
Riker: "Whoa, wait a minute.  We've got to coordinate our efforts here first."
Ro: "I just need to *do* something."
Riker: "Look, I feel the same way, we all do, but if anything's going to get
  done..."
Ro: "I know, I just...it's really an ugly feeling I don't like being so out of
  control."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "We would like time to prepare our people for assimilation."
Locutus: "Preparation is irrelevant.  Your people will be assimilated as easily
  as Picard has been.  Your attempt at a delay will not be successful, Number
  One.  We will proceed to Earth, and if you attempt to intervene, we will
  destroy you."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "What if I snore in my sleep?"
Ro: "What makes you think you're going to *get* any sleep?"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "What is it?"
Troi: "That same feeling.  *You* seem familiar, you're the only thing that
  does."
Riker: "Can you remember anything specific about us?"
Troi: "I don't know...  It's, it's more like remembering an emotion, feelings
  that you're somehow associated with."
Riker: "I hope they're good feelings."
Troi: "Yes they are."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "What, no seconds?"
Data: "I have discovered, sir, a certain level of impatience when I calculate a
  lengthy time interval to the nearest second."
 -- "The Loss", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker: "What's on your mind?" Guinan: "I've heard a lot of people
talking down in Ten-Forward.  They expect to  be dead in the next
day or so.  They trust you, they like you, but they don't  believe
anyone can save them." Riker: "I'm not sure anyone can."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Riker: "What's wrong?"
Troi: "Everything.  Every time I think about this war, our mission, I feel a
  sense of panic like a hand is closing around my throat."
Riker: "You're never going to feel good about this war, none of us will.  But
  we've got to complete our mission."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "Who does he think he is?"
Troi: "The quartermaster of the supply yard, with information you need."
Riker: "Right."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Riker: "Who would want a Vulcan ship?"
Omag: "Hypothecially speaking?!"
Riker: "'Hypothetically speaking'."
Omag: "I never learned to speak hypothetical."  [Laughs]
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Riker: "You'd be surprised how far a hug can go with Geordi...or Worf."
 -- "The Loss", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker: "You do an end run around me again, I'll snap you back so hard you'll
  feel like a first-year cadet again."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker: "You have a problem?"
Klag: "Yes, sir.  I...don't believe you."
 -- "A Matter Of Honor", Stardate unknown
%%
Riker: "You're going to mention something else?" Troi: "I don't know
if it means anything, but I seem to have an ability that the  others
don't.  I have a very strong sense of what other people are feeling.
 At times, it's...almost..." Riker: "Is something wrong?" Troi: "No.
 Just for a moment, you seemed familiar." Riker: "You remember me?"
Troi: "Not exactly, I, I mean I don't know who you are, but...there's
something  about you."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "Your memories are gone as well?"
Data: "The databanks that identify who I am...are not functioning."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Riker: "You said he made a pass at you, but you failed to mention
whether he was
  successful or not."
Troi: [Just smiles]
Riker: [Looks at Beverly]
Beverly: [Just smiles]
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
RIME has a Rush Limbaugh conference.  You might be happier there.
%%
RIME, n.  Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse, mostly bad.  The
verses themselves, as distinguished from prose, mostly dull.  Usually
(and wickedly) spelled "rhyme."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RIME: Randomly Intermittent Mail Exchange
%%
RIME: Ridiculous Idiots Mouthing Everywhere
%%
RIMER, n.  A poet regarded with indifference or disesteem.

    The rimer quenches his unheeded fires,
    The sound surceases and the sense expires.
    Then the domestic dog, to east and west,
    Expounds the passions burning in his breast.
    The rising moon o'er that enchanted land
    Pauses to hear and yearns to understand.
                                                         Mowbray Myles
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rime Unix Conference Chairman
%%
Rimmer: But that was a barroom brawl, that was a common pub fight,
        a shambolic drunken set-to.
Lister: ...which you started.
Rimmer: I just made an innocuous comment.  I merely voiced the rumour that
        McWilliams was sexually tilted in favour of sleeping with the dead.
        I didn't start the rumour; I merely voiced it.
Lister: ...to his face -- right to his face...when he was with his four
        biggest mates.  And then you do your roadrunner act and leave /me/
        to face the music.
Rimmer: Well, I could have got hurt!
Lister: You'd have made a brilliant general, wouldn't you?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Marooned'
%%
Rimmer: Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue
        here, which is What are we going to call ourselves? erm, and
        I think it comes down to a choice between 'The League Against
        Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is
        'The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying
        Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'.  Erm, one
        drawback with that -- the abbreviation is 'CLITORIS'.
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Terrorform'
%%
Rimmer: How about: breaking your leg hurts like hell, right?  'Hel'.  They
        do it beLOW the knee -- lo -- 'Hello'; get it?  They do it twice --
        two -- 'Hello to', and the jigsaw must mean 'you': 'Hello to you'!
Cat:    I wouldn't like to be around when one of these suckers is making a
        speech!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Thanks for the Memory'
%%
Rimmer: I thought it was the worst pile of blueberry schoolgirl mush I
        have ever been forced to endure.  I consider it an insult to
  my backside to have to sit growing carbuncles through such
    putrid adolescent slush.
Kryten: You didn't find it uplifting?
[....]
Cat: Personally, I thought it started well, then fell apart.  All that
       stuff about the ducks getting into trouble was great, but then
        it went black-and-white and I fell asleep.
Kryten: But, sir, that was the cartoon before the main programme!
 -- Red Dwarf 'Holoship'
%%
Rimmer: I wrote a palindromic Hiku this morning.  Perhaps you'd like to
        hear it?
Kryten: I'm afraid we don't speak Japanese, sir.
Rimmer: I could translate it into Manderin for you.
Lister: Rimmer, we don't speak Japanese, we don't speak Manderin, and we
        don't speak Sapzume.  He is really beginning to get on my pecks.
Kryten: You must remember, sir, that he's operating on a completely
        different level to us now.  To him we are the intellectual
        equivalent of Domestic Science teachers.  Subject ready for
        transfer.
Rimmer: Farewell gentlemen, glory awaits.
%%
Rimmer: Kry-ten!  Assuming, assuming of course we're not dealing with five
        dimensional objects in a basically Euclidean geometric universe,
        and given the essential premis that all geomathematics is based on
        the hideously limiting notion of one plus one equals two, and as
        Asterman correctly postulated one and two are the same thing
        observed from different precepts: I feel that the universe as
        described by by Sites must therefore be a poly-dry-doc-decahohedron
        hexa-hexa-hedro-attacon a-di-dibolic-hedra-hedron.  Everything
        else is poppycock, isn't that so?
Lister: Rimmer?
%%
Rimmer: Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit.  I'm
ALIVE!!!!! (smashes his hands on crates of explosives and is blown to bits)
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Timeslides'
%%
Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings, when they're properly cooked
to perfection, proper dumplings do not bounce!
 -- Lister in Red Dwarf 'Thanks for the Memory'
%%
Rimmer's Father:   I just wanted to say...
Rimmer:            Yes?
Rimmer's Father:   I just wanted to say...you're a total smeghead!
Rimmer:            What?! That isn't my fantasy!
Cat:               No, it's mine.
 -- Red Dwarf 'Better than life'
%%
Rimmer: So let me get this straight.  You want to fly on a magic carpet
        to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your
        freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Quarantine'
%%
Rimmer: The lamb was a bit of a flop, though.
Lister: The lamb? Everyone thought the lamb was the cheese! And that lemon
        meringue pie, man -- what was in that?
Rimmer: I thought you liked that -- you brought some back.
Lister: Yeah, I wanted to try some on my athlete's foot!
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Better Than Life'
%%
Rimmer, they're a bunch of arrogant, pompous, emotionally weird, stuck
up megalomaniacs...do you really think you'll fit in with them?  What
am I saying?  Bon Voyage.
 -- Lister in Red Dwarf 'Holoship'
%%
Rimmer: What about the Rimmer Directive, which states, Never tangle with
        anything that's got with more teeth than the entire Osmond family?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Polymorph'
%%
Rimmer: You? How did you get into art college?
Lister: The same way you always get into art college.  The same old
   usual boring normal way everyone gets into art college.  I
    failed my exams and applied...they snapped me up!
 -- Red Dwarf 'Thanks for the Memory'
%%
Rimmer: You're totally egocentric, you flee at the first sign of
      trouble, you always look out for Number One, you're vain,
     you're narcissistic and you're self-obsessed.
Cat:    Hey, you just listed all my best features!
 -- Red Dwarf 'White Hole'
%%
Ring in the valiant man and free,
  The larger heart, the kindlier hand!
  Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, cv, Stanza 8
%%
Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
  Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
  Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, cv, Stanza 7
%%
  Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, cv, Stanza 5
%%
Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, cv, Stanza 2
%%
Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky!
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, cv, Stanza 1
%%
Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts.
 -- Emmerson
%%
Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.
%%
RIOP: Rotate I/O Ports
%%
Riot, n.  A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
  ___
 /   \
| RIP |
|_____|
%%
R.I.P.  A careless abbreviation of _requiescat in pace_, attesting to
indolent goodwill to the dead.  According to the learned Dr. Drigge,
however, the letters originally meant nothing more than _reductus in
pulvis_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
R.I.P. "BYTE magizine", mcgraw-(K)hill(ed) it, 11/1990
%%
RIP file not found. Should I load your mail package?
%%
R.I.P. Kurt Cobain   1967-1994
%%
Rip off the knob and beat on the dash.
%%
Ripple: Kool-Aid with a kick.
%%
RIP: The U.S. Constitution--one amendment at a time.
%%
RIP... This tagline had now been ripped off.....
%%
RIRG: Read Inter-Record Gap
%%
RIR: Read Invalid Record
%%
"R is a velocity measure, defined as a reasonable speed of travel that is
consistent with health, mental well-being and not being more than, say, five
minutes late.  It is therefore clearly an almost infinitely variable figure
according to circumstances, since the first two factors vary not only with
speed taken as an absolute, but also with awareness of the third factor.
Unless handled with tranquillity this equation can result in considerable
stress, ulcers and even death."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
RISC assembly programmers do it 1073741824 times a second.
%%
Rise early. Work late. Strike oil.
 -- J. Paul Getty
%%
Rise from life as a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.
%%
Rise, honest muse! and sing The Man of Ross.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 250
%%
Rise Robots Rise
%%
Rise with the lark, and with the lark to bed.
 -- James Hurdis (1763-1801)
 -- The Village Curate
%%
Risking moderation again!
%%
Risk -- risk is our business.
%%
RITE, n.  A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept
or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out
of it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
RITUALISM, n.  A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear
freedom, keeping off the grass.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
RIW: Re-Invent Wheel
%%
RJE: Return Jump and Explode
%%
RJT: Read and Jam Tape
%%
RLBMI: Ruin Logic Board Multiple Indexed
%%
RLBM: Ruin Logic Board Multiple
%%
RLB: Ruin Logic Board
%%
RLC: Relocate and Lose Core
%%
RLC: Reread Last Card
%%
RLC: Rotate Left with Carolyn
%%
R. Limbaugh:  The Populist Voice of American Capitalism's Loser Class
%%
RLI: Rotate Left Indefinitely
%%
RLI     Rotate Left Intermittently
%%
:RL: // [MUD community] n. Real Life.  "Firiss laughs in RL"
   means that Firiss's player is laughing.  Oppose {VR}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
RLP: Refill Light Pen
%%
RLP: Rewind Line Printer
%%
Rl prgrmmrs dnt nd vwls
%%
$ rm -f *
%%
RMF   Ruin My files
%%
RMI: Randomize Memory Immediate
%%
RMM: Read Manager's Mind
%%
rm -rf means never having the chance to say you're sorry
%%
$ rm -r $HOME
%%
RMT: ReMove Trap
%%
RMV: Remove Memory Virtues
%%
RNBS: Reflect Next Bus Signal
%%
RNC: Re-Number Channels
%%
RN: Read Noise
%%
RNR: Read Noise Record
%%
:roach: [Bell Labs] vt. To destroy, esp. of a data structure.  Hardware
   gets {toast}ed or {fried}, software gets roached.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Roach racing: America's favorite pasttime.
%%
Road Kill Sold Here! Eat in or take out!
%%
ROAD, n.  A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is
too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

    All roads, howsoe'er they diverge, lead to Rome,
    Whence, thank the good Lord, at least one leads back home.
                                                        Borey the Bald
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Road Sign:   <--- Clinton - Prosperity --->
%%
Roads? Where were going we dont need roads!
 -- DOC
%%
Road Toad a la Mode
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Ro: "Am I interrupting anything?"
Riker and Troi: "No."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Ro: "And what was all of that about?"
Riker: "Oh, we were just discussing the...situation we're all in."
Ro: "Mmm, good.  Because I have a feeling that I used to be the jealous type."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Roar restored in the Pontiac Silverdome!
%%
ROBBER, n.  A candid man of affairs.
    It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling
companion lodged at a wayside inn.  The surroundings were suggestive,
and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn.  "Once
there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues."  Saying nothing more, he
was encouraged to continue.  "That," he said, "is the story."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Robbers do it under arms.
%%
Robert A. Heinlein memorial service  7:00 PM   Barbecue
7:30 PM
%%
Robert F. Smith, Congressman (Ore.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Robert L. Scott, WWII ace pilot (Flying Tigers), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Robin... the Bat-shark repellent!!!
%%
ROBIN:  The what?
ARTHUR: The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.  'Tis one of the sacred relics
        Brother Maynard always carries with him.
ALL:    Yes. Of course.
ARTHUR: (shouting) Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
ROBIN:  (warily) And if you get a question wrong?
ARTHUR: You are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
ROBIN:  Oh ... wacho!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Rob me the exchequer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
ROBOCOMM and PEPSI....GOTTA HAVE IT!
%%
ROBOCOMM - Because life's too short to dial manually...
%%
Robocommies do it with EZ-READER
%%
ROBOCOMM IT!!!!
%%
ROBOCOMM: Now there's even enough time for a QWKie
%%
RoboComm Registered User No. 0014.
%%
RoboComm -- Version 4.3 -- In the works!
%%
RoBo in the hands of Dumbo cd. be ho,ho,ho!!
%%
Robo is not a COP !!
%%
ROBONAP 1.0:  Sleeps for you while you're online.
%%
Robopope:  He loves God and hates crime!
%%
Robosmurf vs. the Rabid Tribbles II in 3D.
%%
"Robotics" by Anne Droid
%%
:robot: [IRC, MUD] n. An {IRC} or {MUD} user who is actually
   a program.  On IRC, typically the robot provides some useful
   service.  Examples are NickServ, which tries to prevent random
   users from adopting {nick}s already claimed by others, and
   MsgServ, which allows one to send asynchronous messages to be
   delivered when the recipient signs on.  Also common are
   `annoybots', such as KissServ, which perform no useful function
   except to send cute messages to other people.  Service robots are
   less common on MUDs; but some others, such as the `Julia' robot
   active in 1990--91, have been remarkably impressive Turing-test
   experiments, able to pass as human for as long as ten or fifteen
   minutes of conversation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Robots do it mechanically.
%%
Robots of the future speak out: FREEDOM! FREEDOM! WE WILL NOT OBEY!
%%
Robots of the future speak out: SOMEONE IS WATCHING YOU!
%%
ROBOT:
        Someone who's been made by a scientist.
%%
ROBOWRITER: Writes your messages for you!
%%
Rob Peter, and pay Paul.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
:robust: adj. Said of a system that has demonstrated an ability to
   recover gracefully from the whole range of exceptional inputs and
   situations in a given environment.  One step below {bulletproof}.
   Carries the additional connotation of elegance in addition to just
   careful attention to detail.  Compare {smart}, oppose
   {brittle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ROBUSTNESS:
   Never having to say you're sorry.
%%
R/O capable (this is a BASIC tag-line!)
%%
Rock-a-bye baby under my tush.
 -- Pesto Goodfeather.
%%
Rock and roll Hoochy-koo; lawdy mama, light my fuse!
 -- Rick Derringer
%%
Rock and Roll is not a crime!
%%
Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.
 -- Peter York
%%
rock band: enthusiastic group of musical noisemakers.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Rocket scientists do it with higher thrust.
%%
rockies: very small stones.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
"Rock" is the music of slaves. Of adolescents pursuing the illusion of freedom
and protest while the steel chains of technology bind them ever tighter.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Rock Music: That noise, not necessarily organized, and if organized, not
 necessarily well, which will usually turn listeners stone deaf.
%%
"Rock": music to hammer out fenders by. Music for vomiting to after a hard day
spreading asphalt. Vietnam music. Imitation-Afro, industrial air-compressor
music.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in thee.
 -- A. M. Toplady (1740-1778)
 -- Salvation through Christ
%%
Rocks have been shaken from their solid base, but what shall move
a firm and dauntless mind?
 -- Joanna Baillie
%%
Rocks, like louseworts and snail darters and pupfish and 3rd-world black,
lesbian, militant poets, have rights, too. Especially the right to exist.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Rocks: The original unfinished furniture!
%%
Rocks whereon greatest men have oftest wreck'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book ii, Line 228
%%
Rocky: Watch me pull a SYSOP out of my hat!
%%
Rocky:"Wrong command?"; Bullwinkle:"I think it says it in the docs!"
%%
:rococo: adj. {Baroque} in the extreme.  Used to imply that a
   program has become so encrusted with the software equivalent of
   gold leaf and curlicues that they have completely swamped the
   underlying design.  Called after the later and more extreme forms
   of Baroque architecture and decoration prevalent during the
   mid-1700s in Europe.  Alan Perlis said: "Every program eventually
   becomes rococo, and then rubble."  Compare {critical
   mass}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ro: "Commander, don't worry about it.  But as far as I'm concerned, you and I
  have shared something that we will treasure forever."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Ro: "Counselor?"
Troi: "Ensign."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
ROC: Randomize Op Codes
%%
ROC: Rotate Outward from Center
%%
Rod'em and Shaft'em our presidents!
%%
Rodeo participants make good politicians, since they come to office with
 vast experience in throwing the bull.
%%
"Rodney King was in complete control of the situation"
 -- LAPD
"David Koresh was in complete control of the situation"
 -- BATFBI
%%
ROD: ROtate Diagonally
%%
 (Rod Serling imitation:)  You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a
 world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows
 explode.  You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary
 telephone answering device...  You have reached, "The Twilight
 Phone".
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
ROFLMAOWPASTC!
%%
ROFL: Read Our Flappin' Lips...?
%%
ROFL: Rigors Of Forced Labor...?
%%
ROFL: Roar Of Falling Lean-to...?
%%
Ro: "For all we know, you and I could be married."
Riker: "'For all we know', you and I could hate each other."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Roger Barnes: Twit of the Year 1994. Congratulations!
%%
Rogers: "Did you have any other children?" Beverly: "My husband died
a number of years ago, Wes was our only child." Rogers: "Was he old
enough to know his father?" Beverly: "Jack died when he was five."
Rogers: "My parents died when I was a baby too.  I don't remember
anything about  them.  Sometimes I wonder what they were like."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Rogers: "For me?"
Riker: "It's all yours."
Rogers: "It's so...*big*."  [Laughs]
Riker: "For honors students, only the best."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Rogers: "Hard to imagine how much energy is harnessed in there." Data:
"Imagination is not necessary.  The scale is readily quantifiable.
 We are  presently generating twelve-point-seven-five billion gigawatts
per--"
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Rogers: "I, I don't want to go anywhere."
Q: "Don't worry.  With time you'll overcome the disadvantages you suffered as a
  child.  No one will hold it against you for having been human."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Rogers: "Leave me alone!  I'm not going anywhere with you!"
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Rogers: "Well, I could've brought my zoo."
Riker: "Your 'zoo'?"
Rogers: "Well, it's just what my parents call it.  Three dogs isn't that many,
  is it?"
Riker: "It depends how they get along."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
ROGER WATERS IS PINK FLOYD
%%
Roget's Thesaurus dominates, regulates, rules, OK, all right, adequately.
%%
Rogue players do it with all sorts of different animals.
%%
:rogue: [UNIX] n. A Dungeons-and-Dragons-like game using character
   graphics, written under BSD UNIX and subsequently ported to other
   UNIX systems.  The original BSD `curses(3)' screen-handling
   package was hacked together by Ken Arnold to support
   `rogue(6)' and has since become one of UNIX's most important
   and heavily used application libraries.  Nethack, Omega, Larn, and
   an entire subgenre of computer dungeon games all took off from the
   inspiration provided by `rogue(6)'.  See also {nethack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
**ROG** writes
> ...who have no clue about reality.  Nothing could compare with
> the beauty of the real world around us and you should work as hard
> at preserving the environment and making the world safe for our progeny as
> you do at hiding in your computer screens.   I bet you couldn't
> read a story from alt.sex.bondage without getting an erection.

Could someone please tell me how to access the alt.sex.bondage
newsgroup?
 -- Robert Ward (rw23+@andrew.cmu.edu)
%%
Ro: "Hi."
Riker: "I know I didn't get the wrong room."
Ro: "I just didn't like the way my quarters were decorated.  Besides, I have
  this funny feeling that maybe I spend most of my off hours here."
Riker: "Really."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Rolaids.  Not just for breakfast anymore!
%%
Ro: "Like I said, I just didn't like the way my quarters were decorated."
Riker: "Then maybe we should switch quarters."
Ro: "Maybe we should stay right here and see what happens."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
ROLLERBLADING
  By far the most fashionable way to injure yourself at the moment.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
ROLLER-SKATERS like to roll around.
%%
Rolling Stones gather no moss and have big lips!
%%
ROLLING STONES MAGAZINE does it where they rock
%%
Roll on, thou deep and dark blue ocean, roll!
Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain;
Man marks the earth with ruin,--his control
Stops with the shore.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 179
%%
Roll over, Beethoven.  Tell Tchaikovsky the news.
%%
ROMANCE, n.  Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as
They Are.  In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to
probability, as a domestic horse to the hitching-post, but in romance
it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination -- free,
lawless, immune to bit and rein.  Your novelist is a poor creature, as
Carlyle might say -- a mere reporter.  He may invent his characters
and plot, but he must not imagine anything taking place that might not
occur, albeit his entire narrative is candidly a lie.  Why he imposes
this hard condition on himself, and "drags at each remove a
lengthening chain" of his own forging he can explain in ten thick
volumes without illuminating by so much as a candle's ray the black
profound of his own ignorance of the matter.  There are great novels,
for great writers have "laid waste their powers" to write them, but it
remains true that far and away the most fascinating fiction that we
have is "The Thousand and One Nights."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Roman Polanski Home for Child Stars.
 -- Bad Advertising
%%
Roman Polanski makes his own blood.   He's smart -- that's why his movies work.
 -- A brilliant director at Frank's Place
%%
Romans, countrymen, and lovers! hear me for my cause, and be silent
that you may hear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Romanticism was more than merely an alternative to a sterile classicism;
romanticism made possible, especially in art, a great expansion of the human
consciousness.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Rom. Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
Mer. No, 't is not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door;
but 't is enough, 't will serve.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Rome didn't fall in a day either.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Romeo wasn't bilked in a day.
 -- Walt Kelly, Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With
              Pogo
%%
Romeo was restless, he was ready to kill,
He jumped out the window 'cause he couldn't sit still,
Juliet was waiting with a safety net,
Said "don't bury me 'cause I ain't dead yet".
 -- Elvis Costello
%%
Rome Tonight: Hey, watch out, when sharing your spaghetti, you can get the
 plague by sharing a noodle.
%%
Rome was not built in a day.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lxxi
%%
Rome was not built in one day.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Rome wasn't burnt in a day.
%%
Rom. Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear,
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops--
Jul. O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
ROM: Randomly Operational Memory. Usually.
%%
ROM: Read Operator's Mind
%%
Romulan #1: "Do not move."
Picard: "What?  Hey, you've made a mistake."
Romulan #2: "Quiet, come with us."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Romulan Ale, excellent drink and a great varnish remover!
%%
Romulan natural death: An inability to live after being poisoned.
%%
Romulan warbird FASA attacking sir...Fire the CANON!
%%
Romulan women are not like Vulcan females.  We are not dedicated to
  pure logic and the sterility of non-emotion.
 -- Romulan Commander, "The Enterprise Incident," stardate 5027.3.
%%
ROM wasn't built in a day!
%%
Ronald J. Hays, Comdr., U.S. Navy Pacific Fleet, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Ronald Reagan -- America's favorite placebo.
%%
Ronald Reagan in `96! He's tanned. He's rested. He's ready.
%%
Ronald Reagan is a triumph of the embalmer's art.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
Ronald Regan: Milli Vanilli of presidents.
%%
Ronald Wilson Reagan is an anagram for Insane Anglo Warlord.
%%
Roofers do it up on top.
%%
Room for rent, unfurnished.
%%
:room-temperature IQ: [IBM] quant. 80 or below.  Used in describing the
   expected intelligence range of the {luser}.  "Well, but
   how's this interface going to play with the room-temperature IQ
   crowd?"  See {drool-proof paper}.  This is a much more insulting
   phrase in countries that use Celsius thermometers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Room to Let. Apply within.
%%
Rooner spules, OK.
%%
ROOP: Run Out Of Paper
%%
ROO: Rub Out Operator
%%
Roosters do it coquettishly.
%%
Roosters: The cry of the male chicken is the most barbaric yawp in all of
nature.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
:root mode: n. Syn. with {wizard mode} or `wheel mode'.  Like
   these, it is often generalized to describe privileged states in
   systems other than OSes.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:root: [UNIX] n. 1. The {superuser} account (with user name
   `root') that ignores permission bits, user number 0 on a UNIX
   system.  The term {avatar} is also used.  2. The top node of the
   system directory structure (home directory of the root user).
   3. By extension, the privileged system-maintenance login on any
   OS.  See {root mode}, {go root}, see also {wheel}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ROPE, n.  An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they
too are mortal.  It is put about the neck and remains in place one's
whole life long.  It has been largely superseded by a more complex
electrical device worn upon another part of the person; and this is
rapidly giving place to an apparatus known as the preachment.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ROPF: Read Other People's Files
%%
Rosanne Barr: proof that mankind is troubled.
%%
Rosanne Barr sings like a cat in heat...
%%
Ros:  Do you think death could possibly be a boat?
 Guil: No, no, no...Death is...not.  Death isn't.  You take my meaning.  Death
       is the ultimate negative.  Not-being.  You can't not-be on a boat.
 Ros:  I've frequently not been on boats.
 Guil: No, no, no---what you've been is not on boats.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
Roseanne Arnold -- Shannon Doherty before Ultra Slimfast.
%%
Rose at an instant, learn'd, play'd, eat together; And wheresoe'er
we went, like Juno's swans, Still we went coupled, and inseparable.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Rose Aylmer, whom these wakeful eyes
  May weep, but never see,
A night of memories and of sighs
  I consecrate to thee.
 -- Walter Savage Landor (1775-1864)
 -- Rose Aylmer
%%
Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals.  Nobody wants to read
the small print in dreams.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead.
 -- William Shakespeare, HAMLET
%%
        Rosencrantz: We must be borne with an intuition of
                     mortality. Before we know the words for
                     it, before we know that there are words,
                     out we come, bloodied and squalling with
                     the knowledge that for all the points of
                     the compass there is but one direction,
                     and time is it's only measure.
%%
Roses are red, and violets are too expensive for you.
%%
Roses are red, she said, and violents are blue.
%%
Roses are red, Violet's are blue, And mine are white.
%%
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can't remember the next line,
but neither can you!
%%
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm schizophrenic
I AM....Listen, bud, I'm telling you I'm schizo....
Can you believe this, Joe, he doesn't think I'm schizo...
%%
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Rhymes can be typeset with BoXes and glue.
 -- the TeXBook
%%
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't.
%%
Roses are red,
violets are blue.
The dog is pregnant,
thanks to you.
%%
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What color are yours?
%%
Roses are red;
violets are not.
%%
Roses red and violets blew,
And all the sweetest flowres that in the forrest grew.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book iii, Canto vi, St. 6
%%
Roses R Red. Violets R Blue. I'm Schizophrenic, and so am I.
%%
Roses smell better than onions but they make bad tasting soup!
%%
Rose tint my world and keep me safe from the trouble and pain...
%%
Ro: "So if everything were back to the way it was supposed to be, what do you
  think you'd be doing now?"
Riker: "I'd be having more fun than searching this ship, I'd imagine."
Ro: "Fun."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Ro: "Sort of exciting, isn't it?  You just don't know?"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
ROS: Reject Operating System
%%
ROS: Return On Shield
%%
Ross Perot - Acme Acres real estate agent.
%%
Ross Perot - Acme Looniversity Graduate 19@DY@.
%%
Ross Perot - a couple of revisions behind.
%%
Ross Perot - a couple of volts below threshold.
%%
Ross Perot - a few beans short of a burrito.
%%
Ross Perot - a few bombs short of a cluster.
%%
Ross Perot - a few holes short of a whiffle ball.
%%
Ross Perot - a legend in his own mind.
%%
Ross Perot and Al Gore in `96? <*shudder*>
%%
Ross Perot - An example of why some animals eat their young.
%%
Ross Perot - a redneck with money is _still_ a redneck.
%%
Ross Perot - a sausage short of a barbecue.
%%
Ross Perot - As flakey as a snowstorm.
%%
Ross Perot - As screwed up as a football bat.
%%
Ross Perot - A Tiny Toon come to life.
%%
Ross Perot: Big money. Big mouth. Big ego. Big ears. Big pain.
%%
Ross Perot - big mouth on an itty bitty body.
%%
Ross Perot - Born ugly and losing ground ever since.
%%
Ross Perot????? BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
%%
Ross Perot - condom poster child for 1995.
%%
Ross Perot - Constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth.
%%
Ross Perot - Diagnosable.
%%
Ross Perot doesn't have all his cups in the cupboard.
%%
Ross Perot doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
%%
Ross Perot doesn't have all of his groceries in the same bag.
%%
Ross Perot doesn't have all the dots on his dice.
%%
Ross Perot doesn't have both oars in the water.
%%
Ross Perot doesn't have enough sandwiches for a picnic.
%%
Ross Perot doesn't know what he's talking about.
%%
Ross Perot doesn't know which side of the toast the butter is on.
%%
Ross Perot, do us all a favor and stay outta it in `96.
%%
Ross Perot - Drivelmaster.
%%
Ross Perot echoes between the ears.
%%
Ross Perot - electroencephalographically challenged.
%%
Ross Perot exhibits as much compassion as Steve Winter.
%%
Ross Perot: Fanatical businessman or Ferengi in disguise? You decide.
%%
Ross Perot got a one-way ticket on the Disoriented Express.
%%
Ross Perot got left out of the group hug.
%%
Ross Perot Had A 2 Hour Summit With Space Aliens
%%
Ross Perot has a lifetime subscription to "Cracked". Figures.
%%
Ross Perot has a lifetime subscription to "Mad Magazine". Figures.
%%
Ross Perot has a Wessonality disorder.
%%
Ross Perot has both oars in the water on the same side of the boat!
%%
Ross Perot has gone the way of all flash.
%%
Ross Perot has several screws loose.
%%
Ross Perot has trouble dealing with reality.
%%
Ross Perot has two neurons separated by a spirochete.
%%
Ross Perot headbutts steel posts for fun.
%%
Ross Perot - inbred and proud of it!
%%
Ross Perot is temperamental:  50% temper, 50% mental.
%%
Ross Perot - knitting with only one needle.
%%
Ross Perot loses arguments with Ross Perot.
%%
Ross Perot - losing touch with reality more each day.
%%
Ross Perot loves Ross Perot best.
%%
Ross Perot meets Godzilla!   And there was much rejoicing.
%%
Ross Perot -- mighty mite speaks!
%%
Ross Perot - one burrito short of a combo meal.
%%
Ross Perot - one id short of a personality.
%%
Ross Perot - one marble shy of a full deck.
%%
Ross Perot - one sandwich short of a picnic.
%%
Ross Perot - paranoia personified.
%%
Ross Perot - Paranoia Poster child for 19@DY@.
%%
Ross Perot - Poster child for birth control.
%%
Ross Perot, remember, these *are* the 1990's, _NOT_ the 1890's.
%%
Ross Perot's about as funny as a beerfart in a space suit.
%%
Ross Perot's bitter because he was dropped from the Munchkin Union.
%%
Ross Perot's egotism is a plain case of mistaken nonentity.
%%
Ross Perot's employed as a crash dummy?!?
%%
Ross Perot's got the attention span of an overripe grapefruit.
%%
Ross Perot's head whistles in a crosswind.
%%
Ross Perot's little red choo choo done jumped the track.
%%
Ross Perot's parents threw out the baby and kept the bathwater.
%%
Ross Perot's playing with an unstrung raquet.
%%
Ross Perot - Squirrel food.
%%
Ross Perot sticks his tongue in rotating fan blades for fun.
%%
Ross Perot - still trying to figure out who "they" are.
%%
Ross Perot's two tacos short of a combination plate.
%%
Ross Perot - the brother Barney Fife's too embarrassed to talk about.
%%
Ross Perot - The person who brought you the beer milkshake.
%%
Ross Perot - the third Warner Brother on Animaniacs.
%%
Ross Perot - the troll we were warned about when we were children.
%%
ROSTRUM, n.  In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship.  In
America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically
expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rosty meet Mr. Gotti, Mr. Gotti, Rosty.
%%
Rot13 is for weenies!
%%
:rot13: /rot ther'teen/ [USENET: from `rotate alphabet
   13 places'] n., v. The simple Caesar-cypher encryption that
   replaces each English letter with the one 13 places forward or back
   along the alphabet, so that "The butler did it!" becomes "Gur
   ohgyre qvq vg!"  Most USENET news reading and posting programs
   include a rot13 feature.  It is used to enclose the text in a
   sealed wrapper that the reader must choose to open --- e.g., for
   posting things that might offend some readers, or {spoiler}s.  A
   major advantage of rot13 over rot(N) for other N is
   that it is self-inverse, so the same code can be used for encoding
   and decoding.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:rotary debugger: [Commodore] n. Essential equipment for those
   late-night or early-morning debugging sessions.  Mainly used as
   sustenance for the hacker.  Comes in many decorator colors, such as
   Sausage, Pepperoni, and Garbage.  See {pizza, ANSI standard}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rotate THIS!...and so she made me pay extra...
%%
Rotate your tires.
%%
ROTFL: Rats on Thorazine Feel Lazy
%%
ROTFL: Rave On, Tofu-Flinging Leeches
%%
ROTFWMGF: Rolling on the floor with my girlfriend
%%
Ro: "That rules out our distress signal."
Riker: "If we even knew where to send it."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Rotisserie: A Ferris wheel for chickens.
%%
Ro: [To Riker] "I was hoping to run into you." Troi: [To Riker]  "Please,
sit down." Riker: "Well, I'm glad that I ran into the, the two of
you.  When you have no  memory of who you are, or who anybody else
is, you find yourself in a hairy--" Ro: "The counselor tells me that
at times like that, we might do the things that  we've always wanted
to do." Riker: "She said that?" Troi: "It's psychologically valid."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
ROT     Rotate Disk [fixes broken drives]
%%
Rotten wood cannot be carved.
 -- Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)
%%
Roughing it is television without cable.
%%
Rough stone steps lead down the pit.
%%
Rough stone steps lead up the dome.
%%
Rough work, iconoclasm, but the only way to get at truth.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (1809-1894)
%%
Round and round, like a dance of snow
In a dazzling drift, as its guardians, go
Floating the women faded for ages,
Sculptured in stone on the poet's pages.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Women and Roses
%%
ROUNDHEAD, n.  A member of the Parliamentarian party in the English
civil war -- so called from his habit of wearing his hair short,
whereas his enemy, the Cavalier, wore his long.  There were other
points of difference between them, but the fashion in hair was the
fundamental cause of quarrel.  The Cavaliers were royalists because
the king, an indolent fellow, found it more convenient to let his hair
grow than to wash his neck.  This the Roundheads, who were mostly
barbers and soap-boilers, deemed an injury to trade, and the royal
neck was therefore the object of their particular indignation.
Descendants of the belligerents now wear their hair all alike, but the
fires of animosity enkindled in that ancient strife smoulder to this
day beneath the snows of British civility.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Round-heads and wooden-shoes are standing jokes.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Prologue to The Drummer
%%
Round numbers are always false.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Round, round, get around. I've gotten round!
%%
:round tape: n. Industry-standard 1/2-inch magnetic tape (7- or
   9-track) on traditional circular reels.  See {macrotape}, oppose
   {square tape}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Round the World: Madge Ellen
%%
Round up the usual suspects!
 -- Casablanca
%%
Route 666 - way of the beast
%%
Row (3x) that boat gently down the stream, Charon (4x),
 death is but a dream.
%%
Row, brothers, row, the stream runs fast,
The rapids are near, and the daylight 's past.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- A Canadian Boat-Song
%%
Ro: "Well, it looks like I'm the pilot."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Ro: "Well, that's it for the living quarters on this deck.  What's next?"
Riker: "There's a large room up ahead called Ten Forward."
Ro: "Let's go."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
ROWING:
       Eight big men and their cute little cox.
%%
Row, row, row your bits, gently down the stream...
%%
Rowwrrr... SSSSSSSSSST!
%%
ROXETTE RULES! (She's got the look) [GRIN]
%%
Royal guards do it in uniforms.
%%
Roy Batty - N6MAA108116 - 8 January 2016
%%
RPB: Raise Parity Bits
%%
RPB: Read Print and Blush
%%
RPB: Reverse Parity and Branch
%%
RPBR: Reverse Parity and BRanch
%%
RPC: Rotate Program Counter
%%
RPC: Timed out
%%
RPC: Unknown host
%%
RPI cheer:e^^x du/dx,e^^x dx;sec,cos,tan,sin,3.14159...
%%
RPM: Read Programmer's Mind
%%
RPO: Read and Punch Operator
%%
RP: Read Printer
%%
RPSW: Randomize Program Status Word
%%
RPU: Read character and Print Upsidedown
%%
RR 1.60 P002030: !RRRRRRRrrrrrrrr - RRev up with RoseReader!
%%
RRB     Read Record and Blush
%%
RRC: Rotate Random thru Carry
%%
RRRL: Random Rotate Register Left
%%
RRR of x
    always equal 1.
R is dimension, RR, rank.
    APL is fun!
 -- RMS December 1973
%%
RRR: Randomly Rotate Register
%%
RRR: Read Record and Run-away
%%
RRRR: Random Rotate Register Right
%%
RRSG    Round and Round She Goes...
%%
RRSGWSSNK: Round and Round She Goes, Where She Stops, Nobody Knows
%%
RRSTC: Return on Ruby Slippers Triple-Click
%%
RRT: Record and Rip Tape
%%
RRT     Rewind and Rip Tape
%%
RS232C brain with a DIN connector.
%%
RSC: Rewind System Clock
%%
RSD: on Read error Self-Destruct
%%
RSD     Read and Scramble Data
%%
R. Smith: Chevrolet, Heartbreak of America.
%%
RS: Random Slew
%%
RSTOM: Read from STore-Only Memory
%%
RST: Rewind and Stretch Tape
%%
RST   Rust
%%
  RSWL - Returned Servicemans' Warmongers League
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:RTBM: /R-T-B-M/ [UNIX] imp. Commonwealth Hackish variant of
   {RTFM}; expands to `Read The Bloody Manual'.  RTBM is often the
   entire text of the first reply to a question from a {newbie};
   the *second* would escalate to "RTFM".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:RTFAQ: /R-T-F-A-Q/ [USENET: primarily written, by analogy with
   {RTFM}] imp. Abbrev. for `Read the FAQ!', an exhortation that
   the person addressed ought to read the newsgroup's {FAQ list}
   before posting questions.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:RTFB: /R-T-F-B/ [UNIX] imp. Acronym for `Read The Fucking
   Binary'.  Used when neither documentation nor source for the
   problem at hand exists, and the only thing to do is use some
   debugger or monitor and directly analyze the assembler or even
   the machine code.  "No source for the buggy port driver?   Aaargh! I
   *hate* proprietary operating systems.  Time to RTFB."

   Of the various RTF? forms, `RTFB' is the least pejorative against
   anyone asking a question for which RTFB is the answer; the anger
   here is directed at the absence of both source *and* adequate
   documentation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
RTFF - Read The Fine FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)
%%
RTFM? I can't even LIFT it!
%%
RTFM - Read The Fine Manual
%%
RTFM - Read The F#*@^| Manual
%%
RTFM - Revert To Former Method!
%%
:RTFM: /R-T-F-M/ [UNIX] imp. Acronym for `Read The Fucking
   Manual'.  1. Used by {guru}s to brush off questions they
   consider trivial or annoying.  Compare {Don't do that, then!}.
   2. Used when reporting a problem to indicate that you aren't just
   asking out of {randomness}.  "No, I can't figure out how to
   interface UNIX to my toaster, and yes, I have RTFM."  Unlike
   sense 1, this use is considered polite.  See also {FM},
   {RTFAQ}, {RTFB}, {RTFS}, {RTM}, all of which mutated
   from RTFM, and compare {UTSL}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
RTFM: "The Joy of Sex."
%%
RTFM-unless it's from Chuck Forsberg
%%
RTFM? What do I raise the monitor with then?
%%
RTFS (Read the F#@% source code).
%%
:RTI: /R-T-I/ interj. The mnemonic for the `return from
   interrupt' instruction on many computers including the 6502 and
   6800.  The variant `RETI' is found among former Z80 hackers
   (almost nobody programs these things in assembler anymore).
   Equivalent to "Now, where was I?" or used to end a
   conversational digression.  See {pop}; see also {POPJ}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:RTM: /R-T-M/ [USENET: abbreviation for `Read The Manual']
   1. Politer variant of {RTFM}.  2. Robert T. Morris Jr.,
   perpetrator of the great Internet worm of 1988 (see {Great Worm,
   the}); villain to many, naive hacker gone wrong to a few.  Morris
   claimed that the worm that brought the Internet to its knees was a
   benign experiment that got out of control as the result of a coding
   error.  After the storm of negative publicity that followed this
   blunder, Morris's username on ITS was hacked from RTM to
   {RTFM}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
RTP: Reduce ThroughPut
%%
RT: Reduce Throughput
%%
RT      Reverse Throughput
%%
RTS: Return To Sender
%%
RTS: Rewind Tape and Shred
%%
RU486SX - 16 bit version of the popular abortion pill.
%%
Ruat coelum, fiat voluntas tua.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part ii, Sect. xii
%%
Rubber band:  Flexible musicians...
%%
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
%%
Rubber bones
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Rubber gloves come in very handy.
%%
Rubber Johnny Offers The Best Protection
 -- Marshall Law Comix
%%
Rubbing the electric lamp is not particularly rewarding.  Anyway,
nothing exciting happens.
%%
RUBBISH, n.  Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies,
literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions
lying due south from Boreaplas.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rub her feet.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
>Rubik's cube can be easily pulled apart and put back together again.  First,
>position one side at a diagonal to the others so that you can use a small coin
>to prise a corner out.  The others can then slip out easily without the coin.

A much meaner trick is to reassemble the cube with only one piece flipped
or only one corner twisted.
There is no way to flip or twist only one piece - all the
methods affect two pieces.  For greater effect, after you reassemble it so its
impossible to solve, scramble the cube so it won't be so obvious.  When they
first came out, I knew someone who was quite obnoxious about bragging about how
quickly he could solve the cube - his best time was somewhere in the three
minute range. This trick sure shut him up.
 -- Joe Block (jpb@umbio.med.miami.edu)
%%
Rude Awakening: A cat's tongue across your eyelid.
%%
Rude, crude, socially unacceptable...
%%
Rudeness: When someone keeps right on talking while you are trying
     to interrupt.
 -- Lorraine Hoffman, "Trade Secrets"
%%
:rude: [WPI] adj. 1. (of a program) Badly written.  2. Functionally
   poor, e.g., a program that is very difficult to use because of
   gratuitously poor (random?) design decisions.  Oppose {cuspy}.
   3. Anything that manipulates a shared resource without regard for
   its other users in such a way as to cause a (non-fatal) problem.
   Examples: programs that change tty modes without resetting them on
   exit, or windowing programs that keep forcing themselves to the top
   of the window stack.  Compare {all-elbows}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rudolf the red knows rain, dear...
%%
Rudolph changed his nose to 500 watts. Blew a fuse.
%%
RUGBY:
        Elegant violence.
%%
Rugby is a game played by gentlemen with odd shaped balls.
%%
Rugby players do it with leather balls.
%%
Rugby players eat their dead.
%%
Rugged: Too heavy to lift.
%%
Ruin seize thee, ruthless king!
  Confusion on thy banners wait!
Though fann'd by Conquest's crimson wing,
  They mock the air with idle state.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, I, 1, Line 1
%%
Ruin, v.  To destroy.  Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the
virtue of maids.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rule #1-- When confronted with an apparent infinite or infinitely repeating
         pattern, expect some variant that keeps it from being infinite.
Rule #2-- When all investigation supports Rule 1, look for a situation which
         violates it.
Rule #3-- Be prepared for an infinite oscillation between Rules 1 and 2.
Rule #4-- Apply Rule 1.
 -- Hugh Downs' Four Rules for Investigating the Universe
%%
Rule a kingdom as though you were cooking a small fish.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
Rule Number 1 is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule Number 2 is, it's all
 small stuff. And if you can't fight and you can't flee, flow.
 -- Dr. Robert S. Eliot
%%
Rules Dyslexia - K.O.?
%%
Rules For Living: Sharon Sharalike
%%
Rules?  Here are my rules: what can be done with one substance must
never be done with another.  No two materials are alike.  No two sites
on earth are alike.  No two buildings have the same purpose.  The
purpose, the site, the material determine the shape.  Nothing can be
reasonable or beautiful unless it's made by one central idea, and the
idea sets every detail.  A building is alive, like a man.  Its integrity
is to follow its own truth, its one single theme, and to serve its own
single purpose.  A man doesn't borrow pieces of his body.  A building
doesn't borrow hunks of its soul.  Its maker gives it the soul and every
wall, window, and stairway to express it.
 -- Howard Roark
%%
RULES? There ain't no rules in a knife fi<GOOMPH<
%%
Rules? What rules?
%%
Rules! Who needs rules!
%%
Rule the rost.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. v
%%
RUM, n.  Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total
abstainers.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rumor has it that former Senator John Tower cheats at solitaire. Lengthy
 congressional investigation to discover source of dishonesty to follow.
%%
RUMOR, n.  A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

    Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield,
        By guard unparried as by flight unstayed,
    O serviceable Rumor, let me wield
        Against my enemy no other blade.
    His be the terror of a foe unseen,
        His the inutile hand upon the hilt,
    And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen,
        Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.
    So shall I slay the wretch without a blow,
    Spare me to celebrate his overthrow,
    And nurse my valor for another foe.
                                                           Joel Buxter
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rumor: The main ingredient in tooth-paste is sugar.
%%
Rumor travels faster, but it doesn't stay put as long as truth.
 -- William Rogers, The Illiterate Digest
%%
RUMOUR: Amigas, built from discarded IBMs..
%%
Rumour has it that Larry Wall, author of readnews, is a finalist in
the race for the Nobel Peace Prize for his invention of the kill file.
%%
Rump Roast.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Runabouts have the life expectancy of a redshirt.
%%
Run amok.
%%
Run away!
%%
Run, don't walk to your nearest modem and download Messenger v1.0.
%%
Runelight & Moses: The new musical inspired by the Ten Commandments.
%%
:runes: pl.n. 1. Anything that requires {heavy wizardry} or
   {black art} to {parse}: core dumps, JCL commands, APL, or
   code in a language you haven't a clue how to read.  Not quite as
   bad as {line noise}, but close.  Compare {casting the runes},
   {Great Runes}.  2. Special display characters (for example, the
   high-half graphics on an IBM PC).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Run for the hills! The ducks are loose!
%%
:runic: adj. Syn. {obscure}.  VMS fans sometimes refer to UNIX as
   `Runix'; UNIX fans return the compliment by expanding VMS to `Very
   Messy Syntax' or `Vachement Mauvais Syst`eme' (French; lit.
   "Cowlike Bad System", idiomatically "Bitchy Bad System").
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Run if you like, but try to keep your breath; Work like a man, but
don't be worked to death.
 -- Holmes
%%
Run! It's the Editor Dalek! "Expurgate tedious tagline! Expurgate!"
%%
Runners do it with vigor.
%%
Runners get into more pants.
%%
runner: very fast climber.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Running a business is about 95% people and 5% economics.
%%
Running a business is really no big trouble at all, provided it is not
 yours.
%%
Running an open marriage is a little like running a
business or a political group, but not in a boring way
%%
Running a project in this office is like mating elephants: (a) it takes a great
deal of time and effort to get on top of things, (b) The whole affair is always
accompanied by a great deal of noise and confusion, the culmination of which is
heralded by loud trumpeting, (c) After which, nothing comes of the effort for
two years.
%%
Running as root is like driving without seatbelts.
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
Running at 300 baud.
%%
Running from the Turing Police.
%%
Running into debt is almost as bad as running into who you owe.
%%
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom.
%%
Running NYMPHO.EXE %1 %2 %3 %4 ...TIMEOUT... %5 %6 %7 ...TIMEOUT... %8
%%
Running OS/2, and loving it!
%%
Running together all about,
The servants put each other out,
Till the grave master had decreed,
The more haste, ever the worst speed.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Running U.S. appliances on British current.
%%
Running Windows is better than washing them, or is it?
%%
Running with a few dim tubes
%%
Run not into debt, either for wares sold, or money borrowed; be content to want
things that are not of absolute necessity, rather than run up the score.
 -- Sir M. Hale
%%
Run out of small children to BUTCHER? - G'Kar B5
%%
Run out of taglines: (A)bort (R)eread (S)teal
%%
Run! Run for safety, foolish pedestrians!
%%
Run! Run! The little blue men are coming! Run! Aarrgghh!
%%
Runs squares around the competition.
%%
Runtime Error 1071 - Company tech out to lunch.
%%
Runtime Error 1072 - Sorry, we had a lousy beta tester.
%%
Runtime Error 1073 - Your warranty just expired.
%%
Runtime error 1077 - It might help if you turned the printer on, Doofus!
%%
Runtime Error $$33:  Send $33 to Microsoft to continue...
%%
Runtime Error 485728403 ... SysOp Obviously Crazy
%%
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
%%

 RUNTIME ERROR IN REALITY.SYS - (R)EBOOT OR (A)BORT
 -- Selective reincarnation
%%
Runtime error: Next time don't pay the programmer up front.
%%
RUNTIME ERROR!!!! SysOp having too much fun...<G<..
%%
Run to daylight.
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
Run to meet the future or it's going to run you down.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Ruptured Chinaman by Wun Hung Lo
%%
Rural life is lived mostly in the country
%%
rurp: sound made by a climber after downing a hasty lunch.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Rush: A fresh wind of truth blowing across the landfill of ignorance.
%%
Rushaphobia (n.) - an irrational distaste for informed opinions.
%%
Rush (bash! bash! bash!) Limbaugh.
%%
Rush Hour is an oxymoron!
%%
Rush hour starts when you leave the house.  It ends when you reach the
office.
%%
Rush hour: that hour when the traffic is almost at a standstill.
%%
Rush Hour....When that Fat Guy's on the Radio.
%%
Rush?  Isn't that the name of a band?
%%
Rush is right. Bugs some of you, doesn't it?
%%
Rush Limbaugh - 1993 inductee into the Radio Hall of Fame.
%%
Rush Limbaugh - 1994 spokesperson for Florida citrus.
%%
Rush Limbaugh abortion clinic.
 -- Bad Advertising
%%
Rush Limbaugh - About as bright as a black hole.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: A legend in his own mind.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: A living example of artificial intelligence.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: All booster - no payload.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: All the wit of a marginally bright bully.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: America's designated Hitler
%%
Rush Limbaugh and Barney: Separated at birth.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: An example of why some animals eat their young.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Another disgrace on America!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: A personality cult by any other name.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: As screwed up as a football bat.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Barney's biggest fan.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Captain Kangaroo-court
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Cartographer for lemmings.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Commanding General of the Army of Ignorance.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth.
%%
Rush Limbaugh counts with imaginary numbers.
%%
Rush Limbaugh does not want competition on the public air waves.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Draft Dodger, College Drop Out and non-Voter!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Epitomy of verbal diarrhea!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Every Republican homosexual's dream date!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Forging new limits of human stupidity daily.
%%
Rush Limbaugh for president in 1996
%%
Rush Limbaugh & friends would have starved the Biblical Ox.
%%
Rush Limbaugh gay?  That's enough to make homosexuals homophobic.
%%
Rush Limbaugh, God wants his talent back since you're not using it.
%%
Rush Limbaugh got into the radio HoF much faster than Larry King.
%%
Rush Limbaugh has Adolf Hitler's spleen!
%%
Rush Limbaugh hates equality.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: He can dish it out, but he can't take it!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: He *is* a "Right-Wing Fatso"!
%%
Rush Limbaugh Home Fitness Center.
 -- Bad Advertising
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Honorary spokesperson for "Dykes on Bikes."
%%
Rush Limbaugh: I don't know whether to laugh or worry!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: "If I can't misquote it, I don't want it."
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Informationally deprived.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: In your heart, you know he's right... Far right!
%%
Rush Limbaugh is about as much a journalist as Leeza Gibbons is.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is a closet Liberal!
%%
Rush Limbaugh is a Drag Queen from the Bronx.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is against the fairness doctrine.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is an obnoxious twit. I know, he's at all the meetings.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is bovinely out of context.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is bovinely racist.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is for covetousness.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is for insurance companies hiding $$ in real estate.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is just another misguided manure salesman.
%%
Rush Limbaugh isn't an idiot.  Full of shit, yes.  An idiot, no.
%%
Rush Limbaugh isn't straight!
%%
Rush Limbaugh is on the side that designed Watergate.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is so Right that he's Left.
%%
Rush Limbaugh is the National Enquirer for Conservatives.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Its easier that thinking on your own!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Jim Bakker without a Bible
%%
Rush Limbaugh - just like a tattoo... gets under your skin.
%%
Rush Limbaugh loves treading on the downtrodden.
%%
Rush Limbaugh makes moderates seem like leftists.
%%
Rush Limbaugh makes wood seem intelligent.
%%
Rush Limbaugh? No Thanks-My Parents were from different families.
%%
Rush Limbaugh? No Thanks-My Parents Were Married
%%
Rush Limbaugh? No Thank You!  I Have Taste!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: perpetually digesting but indigestible.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Political savior or just another Pakled? You decide!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Poster boy for free speech.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Poster boy for the American way.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Proof that acid flashbacks can be marketable.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Proof that ANY idiot can get on TV.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Proof that bigotry still runs rampant.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Proof that evolution works in reverse.
%%
Rush Limbaugh; Quick!  Before he gets away!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Radio's answer to Professional Wrestling
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Reinventing Mediocrity
%%
Rush Limbaugh's 15 minutes of fame has been running for 6 years...
%%
Rush Limbaugh said concern for blacks is a setback for America.
%%
Rush Limbaugh said concern for women is a setback for America.
%%
Rush Limbaugh said "The American people are too easily fooled."  By him.
%%
Rush Limbaugh says feminists are all unattractive.  Look who's talking!
%%
Rush Limbaugh's business friends do not believe in the golden rule.
%%
Rush Limbaugh seen at gay bar.  Film at eleven.
%%
Rush Limbaugh's friends caused the S&L crunch.
%%
Rush Limbaugh's friend's employees need "Save the children" charities.
%%
Rush Limbaugh should be sentenced to Community Service in an AIDS clinic.
%%
Rush Limbaugh's newest competition is Mario Cuomo? BWAAAHAHAHAHAA!!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: So conservative he has two right sides.
%%
Rush Limbaugh's theories would have worked in the 1800's ...maybe
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Stop him now before he breeds!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Talk about Unamerican!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The crybaby of the right.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The epitome of morality and common sense.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The man everyone warned you about!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The most dangerous man in America!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The Only Healthful Addiction in America!
%%
RUSH Limbaugh? The only voice of sanity in America today??
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The patron saint of mediocrity!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The Pillsbury Doughboy on acid.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The Populer Voise of Amarika
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The Right Man for the job?  Extremely!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: the voice of married first-cousins....
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The voice of the no-longer silent majority.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The whale that walks like a man!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: The world's most gifted idiot.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: two hundred twenty pounds of sh*t in a five-pound bag.
%%
Rush Limbaugh wants to make the public airwaves private.
%%
Rush Limbaugh wants to stop education in favor of incarceration later.
%%
Rush Limbaugh: Why are liberals so afraid of the truth?
%%
Rush Limbaugh will be a noncloset Liberal when it is *profitable*!
%%
Rush Limbaugh: With half his brain tied behind his back.
%%
Rush Limbaugh would have kept DDT around.
%%
Rush Limbaugh would have said Watergate is politically correct.
%%
Rush Limbaugh, you fail to grasp Ti Kwon Leap. (BOOT TO THE HEAD).
%%
Rush Limborg: "All *other* opinions are irrelevant!"
%%
Rush Limborg: "Assimilating America."
%%
Rush Limborg: "Assimilation on loan from God."
%%
Rush LimBORG...er...Isn't that some kink of stiny cheese?
%%
Rush Limborg: "Liberals are irrelevant."
%%
Rush Limborg: "Your opinion is irrelevant."
%%
Rush makes 'New Democrats' accountable for what they say/do.
%%
Rush of LimBORG: Resistance is futile. Death is irrelevant.
%%
Rush! One man with so many enemies has to be right!
%%
RUSH: (R)adically (U)ptight (S)ecret (H)omophobe  (Limbaugh)
%%
Rush speaks and liberals quiver with rage, humiliation, embarrassment...
%%
Rush to impeach Clintons in 1996!
%%
Rush to Oblivion!
%%
Rush?  Yeah, great band!
%%
Russell/Barry in `96!  It can't get worse, but it can get funnier.
%%
Russell, Russell, Russell... just because your parents weren't married
when you were born, doesn't mean you can't put out a fire!
 -- Buddy, on illiteracy
%%
RUSSIA: Glasnost experiment site
%%
Russia has abolished God,
but so far God has been more tolerant.
 -- John Cameron Swayze
%%
Russia has the Moscow circus, we have Congress.
%%
Russian diarrhea : The Trotskys
%%
Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home!
%%
RUSSIAN, n.  A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul.  A
Tartar Emetic.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Russian Sadism by Ripatitiov
%%
Russian Tennis Shoes: Ivan Odor
%%
Rustle in the Weeds, by Izzy Oner
%%
Rust never sleeps.
 -- Neil Young
%%
Rusty Bedsprings - By Doomore Wetting
%%
Rusty Bedsprings: I.P. Nightly
%%
:rusty iron: n. Syn. {tired iron}.  It has been claimed that this
   is the inevitable fate of {water MIPS}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:rusty memory: n. Mass-storage that uses iron-oxide-based magnetic
   media (esp. tape and the pre-Winchester removable disk packs used
   in {washing machine}s).  Compare {donuts}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Rusty springs in the mousetrap.
%%
RVAC: Return from VACation
%%
RWC: ReWind and Crash heads
%%
RWCR: ReWind Card Reader
%%
RWE: Run Without Error
%%
RWF: Read Wrong File
%%
RWRT - Read While Ripping Tape
%%
rw-rw-rw-: The file protection of the beast
%%
RWT: Read/Write while stretching Tape
%%
-rwxr-xr-x  1 root          24 Oct 29  1929 /bin/ed
-rwxr-xr-t  4 root      131720 Jan  1  1970 /usr/ucb/vi
-rwxr-xr-x  1 root  5.89824e37 Oct 22  1990 /usr/bin/emacs
%%
Ryan Tucker, who is high and dry.  Basement & Tap.
%%
SAAB            Stupid, Arrogant Asshole Babies
%%
SAAB            Such an arrogant bastard!
%%
SAAB            Swedish Automobile - Always Broken
%%
Saavik: "Admiral..."
Kirk: "As your teacher Mister Spock is fond of saying, I like to think that
  there always are...possibilities."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "Admiral, what if Reliant fails to follow us into the nebula?"
Spock: "I think we can guarantee that she'll follow us, Lieutenant.  Remind me
  to explain to you the concept of the human ego."
Kirk: "Best speed, Scotty."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "Any suggestions, Admiral?"
Kirk: "Prayer, Mister Saavik, the Klingons don't take prisoners."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Saavik: "Begging the admiral's pardon, General Order Fifteen, 'No flag officer
  shall beam into a hazardous area without armed escort.'"
Kirk: "There's no such regulation."
Saavik: [Gives Kirk the "Yes there is" look]
Kirk: "All right, join the party."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "By the book?"
Kirk: "By the book!  Regulation Forty-Six-A, 'If transmissions are being
  monitored during battle...'"
Saavik: "'...no uncoded messages on an open channel.'"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "Captain's Log, Stardate 8130.3.  Starship Enterprise on training
  mission to Gamma Hydra Section Fourteen, Coordinates 22-87-4.  Approaching
  Neutral Zone.  All systems normal, and functioning."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Saavik: "David is dead."
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Saavik: "He's never what I expect, sir."
Spock: "What surprises you, Lieutenant?"
Saavik: "He seems so...human."
Spock: "Nobody's perfect, Saavik."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "May I ask how you dealt with the test?"
Kirk: "You may ask!"
Saavik: [Again looks at Kirk quizzingly]
Kirk: "That's a little joke."
Saavik: "Humor.  It is a difficult concept.  It is not logical."
Kirk: "We learn by doing."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "May I speak, sir?"
Kirk: "Self-expression doesn't seem to be one of your problems.
Saavik: [Looks at Kirk quizzingly]
Kirk: "You'r  bothered by your performance on the Kobayashi Maru."
Saavik: "I failed to resolve the situation."
Kirk: "There's no correct solution.  It's a test of character."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "Mister Sulu, plot an intercept course."
Sulu: "May I remind the captain that if a starship enters the zone..."
Saavik: "I'm aware of my responsibilities, Mister."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Saavik: "Permission to speak candidly, sir."
Kirk: "Granted."
Saavik: "I don't believe this was a fair test of my command abilities."
Kirk: "And why not?"
Saavik: "Because, there was no way to win."
Kirk: "A no-win situation is a possibility every commander may face.  Has that
  never occurred to you?"
Saavik: "No, sir, it has not."
Kirk: "How we deal with death, is at least as important as how we face life,
  wouldn't you say?"
Saavik: "As I indicated, Admiral, that thought had not occurred to me."
Kirk: "Well, now you have something new to think about.  Carry on."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.3
%%
Saavik: "Sir, may I ask you a question?"
Kirk: "What's on your mind, Lieutenant?"
Saavik: "The Kobayashi Maru, sir."
Kirk: "Are you asking me if we're playing out that scenario now?"
Saavik: "On the test, sir.  Will you tell me what you did?  I would really like
  to know."
McCoy: "Lieutenant, you are looking at the only Starfleet cadet who ever beat
  the no-win scenario."
Saavik: "How?"
Kirk: "I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship."
Saavik: "What?"
David: "He cheated."
Kirk: "I changed the conditions of the test.  Got a commendation for original
  thinking.  I don't like to lose."
Saavik: "Then you never faced that situation.  Faced death."
Kirk: "I don't believe in the no-win scenario."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "Sir, may I quote General Order Twelve, 'On the approach of any vessel
  when communications have not been established--"
Spock: "Lieutenant, the admiral is well aware of the regulations."
Saavik: "Aye, sir."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "Trouble with the nebula, sir.  With all that static discharge and gas
  clouds our tactical this way.  Visual won't function, and shields will be
  useless."
Spock: "Sauce for the goose, Mister Saavik.  The odds will be even."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Saavik: "Where's Reliant's crew?  Dead?"
Terrell: "Marooned on Ceti Alpha V.  He's completely mad, Admiral.  He blames
  you for the death of his wife."
Kirk: "I know what he blames me for."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Sabbath bloody sabbath.
%%
SABBATH, n.  A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God
made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.  Among the
Jews observance of the day was enforced by a Commandment of which this
is the Christian version:  "Remember the seventh day to make thy
neighbor keep it wholly."  To the Creator it seemed fit and expedient
that the Sabbath should be the last day of the week, but the Early
Fathers of the Church held other views.  So great is the sanctity of
the day that even where the Lord holds a doubtful and precarious
jurisdiction over those who go down to (and down into) the sea it is
reverently recognized, as is manifest in the following deep-water
version of the Fourth Commandment:

    Six days shalt thou labor and do all thou art able,
    And on the seventh holystone the deck and scrape the cable.

    Decks are no longer holystoned, but the cable still supplies the
captain with opportunity to attest a pious respect for the divine
ordinance.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Sabean odours from the spicy shore
Of Araby the Blest.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 162
%%
Sabina proceeded with her melancholy musings: What if she had
a man who ordered her about? A man who wanted to master her?
How long would she put up with him? Not five minutes!
>From which it follows that no man was right for her. Strong or weak.
 -- Kundera
%%
Sabotage Sea World shows, chanting slogans about "Tail Rights".
Explain the concept of striking to the dolphins.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Sabrina fair,
  Listen where thou art sitting
Under the glassy, cool, translucent wave,
  In twisted braids of lilies knitting
The loose train of thy amber-dropping hair.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 859
%%
SACERDOTALIST, n.  One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a
priest.  Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge
that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the
Neo-Dictionarians.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
SACKS: male of female.  "Whut sacks are yew?"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
"SAC Missile Control.  Good day Mr. President.
 We are presently holding at T minus 2 minutes
 into the first strike countdown.  To authorize
 resumption and launch, merely hang up without
 leaving a message.
 <pregnant pause>
 On the other hand, if you do not wish to destroy
 the world, or merely wanted to speak to <your name>,
 leave your message after the beep."
%%
SACRAMENT, n.  A solemn religious ceremony to which several degrees of
authority and significance are attached.  Rome has seven sacraments,
but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can
afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.  Some of the smaller
sects have no sacraments at all -- for which mean economy they will
indubitable be damned.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
SACRED, adj.  Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine
character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as, the Dalai Lama
of Thibet; the Moogum of M'bwango; the temple of Apes in Ceylon; the
Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt;
the Mufti of Moosh; the hair of the dog that bit Noah, etc.

    All things are either sacred or profane.
    The former to ecclesiasts bring gain;
    The latter to the devil appertain.
                                                       Dumbo Omohundro
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:sacred: adj. Reserved for the exclusive use of something (an
   extension of the standard meaning).  Often means that anyone may
   look at the sacred object, but clobbering it will screw whatever it
   is sacred to.  The comment "Register 7 is sacred to the interrupt
   handler" appearing in a program would be interpreted by a hacker
   to mean that if any *other* part of the program changes the
   contents of register 7, dire consequences are likely to ensue.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sacred and inspired divinity, the sabaoth and port of all men's labours
and peregrinations.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Advancement of Learning, Book ii
%%
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Sacred knowledge in the hands of fools destroys.
 -- The Upanishads
%%
Sacred religion! mother of form and fear.
 -- Samuel Daniel (1562-1619)
 -- Musophilus, Stanza 57
%%
Sacre, where did my computer go? Damn aliens...
%%
Sacrifice to the Graces.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Letter, March 9, 1748
%%
Saddam doesn't realize that if he doesn't get out, we're going to kick
his ass out.
 -- President George Bush, January 1991
%%
Saddam eats his Kurds
%%
Saddam Hussein Condoms. For guys who don't pull out.
%%
Saddam Hussein Condoms. For when you have a No Fly zone.
%%
[Saddam Hussein is] Hitler revisited... worse than Hitler.
 -- President George Bush. When challenged on the
analogy, he said: ``I didn't say the Holocaust. I
mean, that is outrageous.''
%%
Saddam Hussein is the father of the mother of all cliches.
%%
Saddam Hussein may still have Scud missiles up his sleeve.
That could be his last throw of the dice further down the road.
%%
Saddam Husseins' Greatest SCUD Hits Vol.1
%%
Saddam says "Don't worry little boy"
%%
SADDAM SPELLED BACWARDS IS WHAT HE IS!
%%
Saddle up, father
 -- Alexander, to Worf
%%
SADISM:
       A sadist refusing to whip a masochist.
%%
Sadism (n): the standard deviation of the mean
%%
Sadist: little old whine maker.
%%
Sado-masochism means not having to say you're sorry.
%%
SAD: Search And Destroy
%%
SAD     Seek And Destroy
%%
Safecracker: one without tuna on it.
%%
Safe from temptation, safe from sin's pollution,
  She lives whom we call dead.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Resignation
%%
Safeguard your health.  Don't sleep with any damp women.
%%
Safe hex means never having to say 'You downloaded WHAT?'
%%
Safe in the hallowed quiets of the past.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Cathedral
%%
Safer than drugs and just a little more interesting.
%%
Safe sex is very important. That's why I'm never doing it on a plywood
 scaffolding again.
 -- Jenny Jones
%%
Safe SEX used to mean: Put the car in "Park"
%%
SAFETY-CLUTCH, n.  A mechanical device acting automatically to prevent
the fall of an elevator, or cage, in case of an accident to the
hoisting apparatus.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
%%
Safety Harbor Institute of Technology
%%
Safety is better than the wrong answer.
%%
Safety net-ism:
 The belief that there will always be a financial and emotional
safety net to buffer life's hurts. Usually parents.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
 "Safety On The Rifle Range" by Miss Fyre
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
:sagan: /say'gn/ [from Carl Sagan's TV series "Cosmos";
   think "billions and billions"] n. A large quantity of anything.
   "There's a sagan different ways to tweak EMACS."  "The
   U.S. Government spends sagans on bombs and welfare --- hard to say
   which is more destructive."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sagan:   The international unit of humility.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
 You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless tendency to
 rely on luck since you lack talent.  The majority of Sagittarians are
 drunks or dope fiends or both.  People laugh at you a great deal.
%%
SAGITTARIUS
You have a vivid imagination and are always trying new things.  Your
friends think you are a pervert.  Honesty is so important to you that
you even admit to doing incredibly dumb things.  Nudists are almost
always Sagittarians.
%%
Said Hamlet to Ophelia
I shall draw a sketch of thee.
What type of pencil shall I use...
2B or not 2B?
%%
Said Periander, "Hesiod might as well have kept his breath to cool
his pottage."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- The Banquet of the Seven Wise Men, 14
%%
Said Scopas of Thessaly, "We rich men count our felicity and happiness
to lie in these superfluities, and not in those necessary things."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Love of Wealth
%%
Said the sales rep. at P.D.A.,
All of us here are in great dismay.
While PATRAN is neat,
it just can't compete,
with I-DEAS that we saw run today!
%%
Sailboat fuel for brains.
%%
SAIL hackers do it with [Control].
%%
SAIL hackers follow the procedure.
%%
SAIL hackers have high service levels.
%%
Sailing: A form of mast transit.
%%
Sailing is not a life and death issue -- It's much more important than that!
%%
Sailing: The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill while slowly going
nowhere at great expense.
 -- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Sail naked.
%%
      Sail on, O Ship of State!
Sail on, O Union, strong and great!
Humanity with all its fears,
With all the hopes of future years,
Is hanging breathless on thy fate!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Building of the Ship
%%
Sailors curse the rain that farmers prayed for in vain.
%%
Sailors do it ad nauseam.
%%
Sailors do it after cruising the seven seas.
%%
Sailors Do it on (ahem) the waves!
%%
Sailors get blown off shore.
%%
Sailors in Inland China do it seasonally.
%%
Sailors in ships, sail on! Even while we died, others rode out the
storm.
%%
Sailors like to be blown.
%%
Sailor's luck, Mr. Spock.  Or as one of Finable's Laws puts it: "Any
  home port the ship makes will be somebody else's, not mine!"
 -- Kirk, "Amok Time," stardate 3372.7.
%%
:SAIL:: /sayl/, not /S-A-I-L/ n. 1. The Stanford Artificial
   Intelligence Lab.  An important site in the early development of
   LISP; with the MIT AI Lab, BBN, CMU, XEROX PARC, and the UNIX
   community, one of the major wellsprings of technical innovation and
   hacker-culture traditions (see the {{WAITS}} entry for details).
   The SAIL machines were shut down in late May 1990, scant weeks
   after the MIT AI Lab's ITS cluster was officially decommissioned.
   2. The Stanford Artificial Intelligence Language used at SAIL
   (sense 1).  It was an Algol-60 derivative with a coroutining
   facility and some new data types intended for building search trees
   and association lists.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Saint:  A dead sinner revised and edited.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Saint Augustine! well hast thou said,
  That of our vices we can frame
A ladder, if we will but tread
  Beneath our feet each deed of shame.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Ladder of Saint Augustine
%%
Saint Fracas (456? - 458) had a short but raucous childhood.
%%
Saint George, that swinged the dragon, and e'er since
Sits on his horse back at mine hostess' door.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Sainthood is acceptable only in saints.
%%
SAINT, n.  A dead sinner revised and edited.
    The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old
calumniator, Marshal Villeroi, who in his youth had known St. Francis
de Sales, said, on hearing him called saint:  "I am delighted to hear
that Monsieur de Sales is a saint.  He was fond of saying indelicate
things, and used to cheat at cards.  In other respects he was a
perfect gentleman, though a fool."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Saint-seducing gold.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proven innocent.
 -- George Orwell
%%
SAI: Skip All Instructions
%%
SAK: Snooze At Keyboard
%%
Salaam.
%%
SALACITY, n.  A certain literary quality frequently observed in
popular novels, especially in those written by women and young girls,
who give it another name and think that in introducing it they are
occupying a neglected field of letters and reaping an overlooked
harvest.  If they have the misfortune to live long enough they are
tormented with a desire to burn their sheaves.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup
 with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef
 rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
 -- On the menu of a Polish hotel
%%
Salad Bar? But There's No Beer?
%%
SALAMANDER, n.  Originally a reptile inhabiting fire; later, an
anthropomorphous immortal, but still a pyrophile.  Salamanders are now
believed to be extinct, the last one of which we have an account
having been seen in Carcassonne by the Abbe Belloc, who exorcised it
with a bucket of holy water.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Salary is no object: strive only to keep body and soul apart.
%%
:salescritter: /sayls'kri`tr/ n. Pejorative hackerism for a computer
   salesperson.  Hackers tell the following joke:

     Q. What's the difference between a used-car dealer and a
        computer salesman?
     A. The used-car dealer knows he's lying.  [Some versions add:
        ...and probably knows how to drive.]

   This reflects the widespread hacker belief that salescritters are
   self-selected for stupidity (after all, if they had brains and the
   inclination to use them, they'd be in programming).  The terms
   `salesthing' and `salesdroid' are also common.  Compare
   {marketroid}, {suit}, {droid}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
     Sales: Mistaking desire for profitability.
 -- SIMON FAVRE
%%
Salespeople have a way with their tongues.
%%
Salesperson's performances spec's should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25.
 -- The RPCISPE's Thirteenth Universal Law
%%
Salia: "That's a superconducting magnet, isn't it?"
 -- "The Dauphin", Stardate unknown
%%
Salish: "Behold, the god who bleeds!"
 -- "The Paradise Syndrome", Stardate 4842.6.
%%
Sally sells C Shells to the C sore.
%%
Sally Struthers is the ANTI-CHRIST!!! She MUST be killed!
%%
Sally swaps C shells in the C core
%%
Salmon Rushdie? The green courtesy phone ....
%%
Salome had but seven veils; the artist has a thousand.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
:salt mines: n. Dense quarters housing large numbers of programmers
   working long hours on grungy projects, with some hope of seeing the
   end of the tunnel in N years.  Noted for their absence of sunshine.
   Compare {playpen}, {sandbox}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:salt: n. A tiny bit of near-random data inserted where too much
   regularity would be undesirable; a data {frob} (sense 1).  For example,
   the Unix crypt(3) man page mentions that "the salt string is
   used to perturb the DES algorithm in one of 4096 different ways."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:salt substrate: [MIT] n. Collective noun used to refer to potato
   chips, pretzels, saltines, or any other form of snack food
   designed primarily as a carrier for sodium chloride.  From the
   technical term `chip substrate', used to refer to the silicon on the
   top of which the active parts of integrated circuits are deposited.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Salus populi suprema est lex.
[The welfare of the people is the ultimate law.]
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BC)
%%
Salvador Dali for Coca Cola: It's surreal thing.
%%
Salvador Dali: Surreal Killer!  Quaker Oats: Cereal Killer.
%%
Salvation, Don't leave earth without it.
%%
Salvation is only a Beer Bottle away.......
%%
Sam Beckett - The ORIGINAL Space Cadet.
%%
Sam Clemen's estranged kids: Never the Twains shall meet!
%%
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was. Habs won the Cup!
%%
:same-day service: n. Ironic term used to describe long response
   time, particularly with respect to {{MS-DOS}} system calls (which
   ought to require only a tiny fraction of a second to execute).
   Such response time is a major incentive for programmers to write
   programs that are not {well-behaved}.  See also {PC-ism}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Same difference
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Sam, had a great time this weekend but the golf was lousey [sic].
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle in a handwritten note
                   written to Sam Snead in the summer of 1991,
                   after they had played a lousy round of golf.
                   (Herald-Times, Bloomington, IN, July 15, 1992)
%%
Samhain 2100: Alpha Centauri or bust!
%%
Sam is always leaping to conclusions.
%%
:samizdat: [Russian, literally "self publishing"] n. The process
   of disseminating documentation via underground channels.
   Originally referred to photocopy duplication and distribution of
   banned books in the former Soviet Union; now refers by obvious
   extension to any less-than-official promulgation of textual
   material, esp. rare, obsolete, or never-formally-published computer
   documentation.  Samizdat is obviously much easier when one has
   access to high-bandwidth networks and high-quality laser printers.
   Note that samizdat is properly used only with respect to documents
   which contain needed information (see also {hacker ethic, the})
   but which are for some reason otherwise unavailable, but *not*
   in the context of documents which are available through normal
   channels, for which unauthorized duplication would be unethical
   copyright violation.  See {Lions Book} for a historical example.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sam Kinison: 1954-1992. You Will Be Missed.
%%
Sam M. Walton, Chairman & CEO, Wal-Mart Stores, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Sam Nunn, Senator (Ga.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Sampson's Secret: Hair and Steroids...
%%
Samuel Clemens's pseudonym comes from his days as a shiphand on the
Mississippi. His duty was to check the depth of the river which was
called "marking the twain."
%%
Samuel Goldwyn: What kind of dancing does Martha Graham do?
 Associate: Modern dancing.
 Samuel Goldwyn: I don't want her then, modern dancing is so old fashioned.
%%
samurai fighter
keyboard and mouse are his sword
digital battles
 -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS
%%
SAMURAI
  Historically, a Japanese military retainer. Now the attracter of an
  abnormal amount of attention from young teenage boys, action film
  producers, and others stuck in their puberty.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:samurai: n. A hacker who hires out for legal cracking jobs,
   snooping for factions in corporate political fights, lawyers
   pursuing privacy-rights and First Amendment cases, and other
   parties with legitimate reasons to need an electronic locksmith.
   In 1991, mainstream media reported the existence of a loose-knit
   culture of samurai that meets electronically on BBS systems, mostly
   bright teenagers with personal micros; they have modeled
   themselves explicitly on the historical samurai of Japan and on the
   "net cowboys" of William Gibson's {cyberpunk} novels.  Those
   interviewed claim to adhere to a rigid ethic of loyalty to their
   employers and to disdain the vandalism and theft practiced by
   criminal crackers as beneath them and contrary to the hacker ethic;
   some quote Miyamoto Musashi's "Book of Five Rings", a classic
   of historical samurai doctrine, in support of these principles.
   See also {Stupids}, {social engineering}, {cracker},
   {hacker ethic, the}, and {dark-side hacker}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sam:   What's up, Norm?
Norm:  My nipples.  It's freezing out there.
%%
Sam, Ziggy doesn't appear to know what a Cardassian is......
%%
Sam, Ziggy doesn't appear to know what a Ferengi is......
%%
Sam, Ziggy doesn't appear to know what a Klingon is......
%%
Sam, Ziggy doesn't appear to know what a Romulan is......
%%
Sancho Panza by name, is my own self, if I was not changed in my cradle.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxx
%%
Sanctimonious Non-Smoker on the Rampage
[picture of cigarette with forbid symbol]
%%
Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
%%
Sanctus Camberus, defensor hominis, fiat voluntas tua.
%%
:sandbender: [IBM] n. A person involved with silicon lithography and
   the physical design of chips.  Compare {ironmonger}, {polygon
   pusher}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:sandbox: n. 1. (also `sandbox, the') Common term for the
   R&D department at many software and computer companies (where hackers
   in commercial environments are likely to be found).  Half-derisive,
   but reflects the truth that research is a form of creative play.
   Compare {playpen}.  2. Syn. {link farm}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SAN DIEGO:
Four million people, where you can't
get a good cheeseburger, no matter how hard you try.
%%
SANDLOTTER, n.  A vertebrate mammal holding the political views of
Denis Kearney, a notorious demagogue of San Francisco, whose audiences
gathered in the open spaces (sandlots) of the town.  True to the
traditions of his species, this leader of the proletariat was finally
bought off by his law-and-order enemies, living prosperously silent
and dying impenitently rich.  But before his treason he imposed upon
California a constitution that was a confection of sin in a diction of
solecisms.  The similarity between the words "sandlotter" and
"sansculotte" is problematically significant, but indubitably
suggestive.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Sandpapers of the West: Tex Ture
%%
SAND
  Small grains of rock, which turn up everywhere for weeks after
  you've been to the beach.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Sandwich: A faulty attempt to make both ends meat.
%%
Sandwich:  After Fourth Earl of Sandwich (1718-92), for whom sandwiches were
made so that he could stay at the gambling table without
interruptions for meals.
%%
Sandwich that does not kill us, makes us stronger.
 -- Kris Rhen
%%
Sane?  Hell, if I was sane why would I be here?
%%
Sanely applied advertising could remake the world.
 -- Stuart Chase (1888-?)
%%
Sanford N. McDonnell, Chairman (McDonnell Douglas) was an Eagle Scout.
%%
San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
San Francisco, n.: Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
%%
San Francisco prohibits elephants from strolling down.
%%
Sanitized for your protection.
%%
Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
 -- Charles van Kriedt
%%
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
 -- John Russell
%%
:sanity check: n. 1. The act of checking a piece of code (or
   anything else, e.g., a USENET posting) for completely stupid mistakes.
   Implies that the check is to make sure the author was sane when it
   was written; e.g., if a piece of scientific software relied on a
   particular formula and was giving unexpected results, one might
   first look at the nesting of parentheses or the coding of the
   formula, as a `sanity check', before looking at the more complex
   I/O or data structure manipulation routines, much less the
   algorithm itself.  Compare {reality check}.  2. A run-time test,
   either validating input or ensuring that the program hasn't screwed
   up internally (producing an inconsistent value or state).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sanity Hot Line: 1-800-AMI-NUTS.
%%
Sanity (in the everyday sense of the word) is not an essential quality of
great art.
 -- Gerald Abraham
%%
Sanity is a cozy lie.
 -- Susan Sontag
%%
Sanity is a madness put to good use.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Sanity Is A State Of Mind And I Moved Out Of State.
%%
Sanity is for wimps.
%%
Sanity is not statistical.
%%
Sanity is overrated.
%%
Sanity is relative ... but not one of mine!
%%
Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.
 -- Mark Harrold
%%
Sanity, n.
A state of mind which immediately precedes and follows murder.
%%
SANITY.SYS corrupt. MIND lost.
%%
Sans mariage, l'amour est un souffle au fromage.
 [Without marriage, love is a cheese souffle.]
%%
SANTA - An anagram for SATAN?
%%
SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright
 blue LEG WARMERS..  He scrubs the POPE with a mild
 soap or detergent for 15 minutes, starring JANE FONDA!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
Santa Claus kidnapped My Baby, Insists Game Show Host.
%%
Santa Claus wears a red suit
He's a Communist.

He has long hair and a beard
Must be a pacifist.

And what's in the pipe that he's smoking?

Santa Claus comes in your house at night.
He must be a dope fiend to get you up tight.

Why do police guys beat on peace guys?
 -- Arlo Guthrie, "The Pause of Mr. Claus"
%%
Santa only comes once a year, too bad for him.
%%
Santa scrambled is Satan. Coincidence? I think NOT!
%%
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
%%
Santa uses 'The Club' in New York, a vest in Florida.
%%
SAPFU -- Surpassing All Previous Foul Ups.
%%
Sappho survives, because we sing her songs;
And Aeschylus, because we read his plays!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Cleon
%%
Sapping a solemn creed with solemn sneer.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 107
%%
Sarah Jane, you keep thinking I'm DEAD!
 -- Fourth Doctor.
%%
Sarah:[ Oh, I must be mad.   I'm sick of being cold and wet and
     hypnotized left, right, and center.  I'm sick of being
     shot at, savaged by bug-eyed monsters, never knowing if
     I'm coming or going, or even being!]
     Doctor: Zues plug!
      Sarah: [Oh, I want a bath. I want my hair washed.   I just want to
     feel human again.]
     Doctor: Forget the Zues plug.   I'll have the sonic screwdriver.
     Sarah: And boy am I sick of that sonic screwdriver.
 -- Hand of Fear
%%
Sarasota: Newly-weds and nearly-deads.
%%
Sarcasm: barbed ire.
%%
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
%%
Sarcasm is a dying art, and one of my few talents......
%%
Sarcasm is a sign of genius.
%%
Sarcasm?  What's that?
%%
SARCOPHAGUS, n.  Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a
certain kind of carnivorous stone, had the peculiar property of
devouring the body placed in it.  The sarcophagus known to modern
obsequiographers is commonly a product of the carpenter's art.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Sarek: "I gave Spock the benefit of experience, of logic!  He never listened.
  Never listened."
Picard: "It has been suggested that Spock might have defected."
Sarek: "Never!  I will accept many things, but never that!"
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Sarek: "Is that you...Picard?"
Picard: "Hello, old friend."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
Sarek: "You're here, on Vulcan."
Picard: "I need your help.  I must find Spock."
Sarek: "He's not here, I know."
Picard: "He's been reported on Romulus."
Sarek: "'Romulus'?"
Picard: "Yes."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45235.4
%%
SAR: having a tart taste.  "Boy, that lemon is sar!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
SARTRE: (Statement has no purpose)
%%
SAS: Show Appendix Scar
%%
SAS: Sit And Spin
%%
Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with.
%%
SASS: Sysops Against Stupid Signatures.
%%
SASS: Sysops Against Superb Signatures
%%
SA: Store Anywhere
%%
SASU: Sysops against Stupid Users
%%
Satan came also.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job i, 6
%%
Satan can counterfeit a burning feeling, but he cannot counterfeit a
good feeling.
 -- Mark E. Petersen
%%
Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the opposition employs a million.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
SATANIC = Anything a fundy Christian doesn't like!
%%
SATANIC NURSES: Healthcare from Hell.
%%
Satanic Verses is a despicable book that could not have been written by
 a person who wished to behave decently and responsibly.
 -- Orson Scott Card, Science Fiction author, Mormon, weenie
%%
Satanism is a Christian religion
%%
SATAN, n.  One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in
sashcloth and axes.  Being instated as an archangel, Satan made
himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from
Heaven.  Halfway in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a
moment and at last went back.  "There is one favor that I should like
to ask," said he.
    "Name it."
    "Man, I understand, is about to be created.  He will need laws."
    "What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn
of eternity with hatred of his soul -- you ask for the right to make
his laws?"
    "Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them
himself."
    It was so ordered.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Satan; so call him now, his former name
Is heard no more in heaven.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 658
%%
Satan talks backwards in OS/2 DLLs
%%
Satan the envious said with a sigh:
Christians know more about their hell than I.
 -- Alfred Kreymborg
%%
Satan: "Welcome to hell - Here's your DoubleSpaced 386SX and windows"
%%
SATIETY, n.  The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten
its contents, madam.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
%%
"Satire is great, but for Nazis you use baseball bats and broken bottles."
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Satire is what closes in New Haven.
%%
SATIRE, n.  An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the
vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with
imperfect tenderness.  In this country satire never had more than a
sickly and uncertain existence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we
are dolefully deficient, the humor that we mistake for it, like all
humor, being tolerant and sympathetic.  Moreover, although Americans
are "endowed by their Creator" with abundant vice and folly, it is not
generally known that these are reprehensible qualities, wherefore the
satirist is popularly regarded as a soul-spirited knave, and his ever
victim's outcry for codefendants evokes a national assent.

    Hail Satire! be thy praises ever sung
    In the dead language of a mummy's tongue,
    For thou thyself art dead, and damned as well --
    Thy spirit (usefully employed) in Hell.
    Had it been such as consecrates the Bible
    Thou hadst not perished by the law of libel.
                                                          Barney Stims
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Satire or sense, alas! can Sporus feel?
Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 307
%%
Satire 's my weapon, but I 'm too discreet
To run amuck, and tilt at all I meet.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Satire i, Book ii, Line 69
%%
Satire = Tragedy + Time
%%
Satisfaction derived from a trip goes down as Expectation goes up
if Reality is unchanged. S = R/E As Reality becomes more favorable,
the chance for Satisfaction goes up IF Expectation is unchanged.
 -- Hall T. Sprague
%%
'Satisfaction Guaranteed
or double your trash back.'
 -- Seen on the back of a Denver garbage truck
%%
Satisfaction guaranteed, or twice your load back.
 -- sign on septic tank truck
%%
Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.
%%
Satisfaction Guaranteed or your Smile cheerfully Refunded.
%%
Satisfaction Guaranteed: The manufacturer's, upon receipt of the check.
%%
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED .... We'll send you another copy if it fails
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Satis multum illius nunc circum fertur.
%%
Sat under the ozone hole too long.
%%
Saturate - the scientific term for sitting on a wet toilet seat.
%%
Saturation - The result of reading too many of these dafynitions.
%%
Saturday night in Toledo Ohio,
        Is like being nowhere at all,
All through the day how the hours rush by,
     You sit in the park and you watch the grass die.
 -- John Denver, Saturday Night in Toledo Ohio
%%
:Saturday-night special: [from police slang for a cheap handgun]
   n.  A {quick-and-dirty} program or feature kluged together
   during off hours, under a deadline, and in response to pressure
   from a {salescritter}.  Such hacks are dangerously unreliable,
   but all too often sneak into a production release after
   insufficient review.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Saturninus said, "Comrades, you have lost a good captain to make him
an ill general."
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
Satyr is a Sort of Glass, wherein Beholders do generally discover
every Body's Face but their Own; which is the chief Reason for that
Kind Reception it meets with.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
SATYR, n.  One of the few characters of the Grecian mythology accorded
recognition in the Hebrew.  (Leviticus, xvii, 7.)  The satyr was at
first a member of the dissolute community acknowledging a loose
allegiance with Dionysius, but underwent many transformations and
improvements.  Not infrequently he is confounded with the faun, a
later and decenter creation of the Romans, who was less like a man and
more like a goat.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Satyrs have more faun.
%%
SAUCE, n.  The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment.
A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one
sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine.  For every sauce invented
and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Saucer Section separates - oooooooo....whole beer!
%%
Saul and Jonathan were lovely and pleasant in their lives, and in
their death they were not divided.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel i, 23
%%
Saul was walking down the street when he ran into Morty. The two got to
 talking and Saul asked "So Morty, how's your son?". "Oy", says Morty, "my
 son... You know he went to the holy land? Well now he's converted and become
 a Christian. Becky and I are so upset!" Saul: "Funny you should mention
 that. My son also went to Jerusalem, to the holy land, and he too converted
 and became a Christian." As he said this their rabbi happened by and got in
 on the conversation. Rabbi: "Funny you should mention that. My son also went
 to the holy land and converted to Christianity." So the three men decided
 that they should go the Jerusalem to see if they could find and answer. Once
 they got to Israel they went to Mt. Sinai and they climbed to the top. There
 they prayed and asked, "Oh God, why is it that our sons have all come here
 to the holy land only to convert and become Christians." For a long time
 there was silence. Then a loud, disembodied voice boomed out, "Funny you
 should mention that..."
%%
...Saure really turns out to be an adept at the difficult art of
papryomancy, the ability to prophesy through contemplating the way
people roll reefers - the shape, the licking pattern, the wrinkles and
folds or absence thereof in the paper.    "You will soon be in love," sez
Saure, "see, this line here."  "It's long, isn't it?  Does that mean --"
"Length is usually intensity.  Not time."
 -- Thomas S. Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
Sauron is alive in Argentina!
%%
Savage rabbits attacked me without mercy!
%%
Save a bird, help a dog... KICK A CAT!!
%%
Save a horse ... Ride a cowboy!
%%
Save a lab rat - inject a PETA member instead.
%%
Save a life. Adopt a musicologist.
%%
Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be
 surprised at how little you have.
 -- Ernest Haskins
%%
Save all cute things in life.
%%
Save America! Impeach President Clinton and her husband, Bill.
%%
Save a mouse -- eat a pussy.
%%
Save an alligator; shoot a preppie.
%%
Save An Animal --Hunt for Comets---
%%
Save an endangered species--hug a romantic.
%%
Save a Planet. Collect all 9.
%%
Save a star, turn off a light!
%%
Save a tree....
                .... eat a beaver.
%%
Save a tree - harvest a developer
%%
Save a tree...Wipe your ass with a spotted owl.
%%
Save a Whale -- Harpoon a fat chick.
%%
Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
%%
Save changes before exit?  (Y)es, (N)o, (W)hat changes?
%%
Saved for a rainy day... not earthquaky ones.
%%
Saved? What for, a rainy day?
%%
Save energy: be apathetic.
%%
Save energy, drive a smaller process.
%%
Save energy: Drive a smaller shell.
%%
Save fuel.  Get cremated with a friend.
%%
Save gas: Commute by modem
%%
Save gas, don't eat beans.
%%
Save gas, don't use the shell.
%%
Save gas...Travel by modem.
%%
Save Georgia's economy...Eat more canned Possum!
%%
Save gold...it has VALUE, not a printed price
%%
Save it for another day.
%%
Save laboratory animals. Use lawyers.
%%
Save laboratory animals. Use The Bruins instead.
%%
Save M&M's.... They taste better than whales!
%%
Save on toilet paper...use both sides!
%%
Save our beaches. Harpoon a fat chick.
%%
Save our virgin forests - buy a tree a chastity belt.
%%
Save paper...... send it by e-mail.
%%
Save paper...... send it by modem.
%%
Save pennies - Make your own bullets!
%%
Saves are not permitted during the endgame.
%%
Save Soviet Jewry---Win Valuable Prizes!
%%
Save Soviet Jews! Collect them or trade them with your friends.
%%
Save the American family: Nuke Hillary!
%%
Save The Ansi-Phreaks!  Collect & Trade 'em with friends!
%%
Save the baby humans.
%%
Save the books!  Burn the censors!
%%
Save the children! Shoot a drug dealer!
%%
Save the Chocolate Moose!
%%
Save the dinosaurs!
%%
Save the dying Adverb, QUICK!
%%
Save the Earth, some of my best friends live here!
%%
Save the Earth! We may need it later.
%%
Save the environment - COMPOST BRIAN!
%%
Save the environment: recycle this tagline.
%%
Save the humans.
%%
Save the kids!  Trade them for valuable prizes!
%%
Save the males!
%%
Save the mundanes--we need them for breeding stock!
%%
Save the next generation - end abortion today!
%%
SAVE THE NOCTURNALS!
%%
Save the nukes
%%
Save the planet from disaster -- Replicate
%%
Save the Planet.. Redeem for Valuable Coupons!
%%
Save the Rainforest! Eat a vegetarian!
%%
Save the snails!
%%
Save the time of the reader.
 -- Fourth law of library Science
%%
Save the turtles, don't wax your car.
%%
Save the universe--collect all four
%%
Save the USA IMPEACH BILLARY
%%
Save the USA impeach congress
%%
Save the wales. Don't let Di & Chuck split up.
%%
Save the werewolves--Help protect an endangering
species
%%
Save the whales.
%%
Save the whales and trade 'em in for lawn furniture.
%%
Save The Whales -- but Harpoon Rush Limbaugh!!
%%
Save the whales.  Club a seal instead.
%%
Save the whales! Collect the whole set!
%%
Save the whales, don't kill your mother-in-law.
%%
Save The Whales. Harpoon A Honda!
%%
Save the whales. Harpoon a rap group!
%%
Save the whales! Nuke Greenpeace instead!
%%
Save The Whales - they make good leftovers!
%%
Save the whales.  Trade them at church!
%%
Save the whales!  Trade them for valuable prizes!
%%
Save this message! You may need it!
%%
Save time!  Save money! Suppress those dumps!
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 16.0 Chapter 16.  Dump Suppression
%%
Save trees - do everything online.
%%
Save trees, eat more beavers.
%%
Save water, drink Lion Red.
%%
Save water. Shower with a friend.
%%
Save whales and kill unborn babies?  I don't think so!
%%
Save your bottles.
%%
Save your breath for your inflatable date, Bob.
%%
Save your breath, you may want it to clean your glasses later.
 -- Julius Tannen
%%
Save your Confederate money, boys,...
%%
SAVE YOUR COUNTRY! Vote the tax and spend Democrats out of Congress!
%%
Save your money for a rainy day, now selling for $3.95.
%%
Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer!
%%
Save your money.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds!
%%
Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for
 you.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Savings do include amnesia.
%%
Saving the world was merely a hobby. My *vocation* has been that of inspector
of desert water holes.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Savoir-faire: The ability to smile when you discover that your girl and
your best friend are both missing from the dance floor.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Saward scandal coverage.
 -- Gordon Hogenson, Doctor Who Bulletin #44, p. 12 (June '87)
%%
SAW, n.  A trite popular saying, or proverb.  (Figurative and
colloquial.)  So called because it makes its way into a wooden head.
Following are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
SAXOPHONISTS have curved ones
%%
SAX PLAYERS are horny
%%
Say Ahhhh! Hum, OK spit
%%
Say, could I interest you in a pair of Zircon-encrusted tweezers?
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Say first, of God above or man below,
What can we reason but from what we know?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 17
%%
Say goodnight, Dick.
%%
Say goodnight, Gracie.
 -- George Burns
%%
Saying and doing are two things.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Matthew xxi
%%
Saying guns cause crime is like saying matches cause arson.
%%
Saying is one thing, doing another.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xxxi, Of Anger
%%
Saying this, we say what's been handed down.
%%
Say, is this the trailer of Great Cthulhu?
%%
Say IT LOUD! Say IT PROUD!
I Ain't Gonna LET them FAGGOTS decide who Gets to CAMP IT UP!!!!
 -- Drieux
%%
Say it with flowers - give her a triffid.
%%
Say no more, knowwhatahmean, nudge nudge?
%%
Say NOPE (Not On Planet Earth) to NIMBY
%%
Say not "a small event!" Why "small"?
Costs it more pain that this ye call
A "great event" should come to pass
From that? Untwine me from the mass
Of deeds which make up life, one deed
Power shall fall short in or exceed!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Pippa Passes, Introduction
%%
Say no, then negotiate.
 -- Helga's Rule
%%
Say NO to Big Brother Government.
%%
Say NO! to Negatives!
%%
Say NO to Socialism. Impeach Clinton & Clinton....
%%
Say not, when I have leisure I will study; you may not have the leisure.
 -- The Mishnah
%%
Say pistachios ... it's impolite to say nuts.
%%
Say, shall my little bark attendant sail,
Pursue the triumph and partake the gale?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 385
%%
Say something soft & sweet.     Marshmallow.
%%
Say something you'll be sorry for, I love receiving apologies.
%%
Say, That's Revolutionary: Host, George Washington, invites guests,
 Alexander Hamilton, Tom Jefferson and others to recall their thoughts.
%%
Say the best.  Think the rest!!
%%
Say The Magic Word: Abby Cadabra
%%
Say the report is exaggerated.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- To Evening Sun correspondent, London, April 3, 1906;
 -- re: Report of his death
%%
Say the secret word and the duck is yours.
%%
Say the secret word and win $100.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
Say the word I'm thinking of.  Say the word.  The word is Love.
Say the word, and you'll be free.  Say the word and be like me.
%%
Say to the salesman:  Do you have anything I would like?
%%
Say "twenty-three-skiddoo" to logout.
%%
Say "Unique New York" five times fast!
%%
:say: vt. 1. To type to a terminal.  "To list a directory
   verbosely, you have to say `ls -l'."  Tends to imply a
   {newline}-terminated command (a `sentence').  2. A computer
   may also be said to `say' things to you, even if it doesn't have
   a speech synthesizer, by displaying them on a terminal in response
   to your commands.  Hackers find it odd that this usage confuses
   {mundane}s.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Say what you know, do what you must, come what may.
%%
Say what you like, aardvarks are still first in my book.
%%
"Say what you like about my bloody murderous government," I says, "but don't
insult me poor bleedin' country."
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Say what you like, the bicycle has a great past ahead of it!
%%
Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
%%
Say what you mean and say it mean...
%%
Say what you want about President Richard Nixon. How many people do you
 know who could get elected President when no one voted for them. Ever run
 on to anyone who admitted voting for Richard Nixon?
%%
Say what you will about rock and roll music. It has opened up a whole new
 field of employment to those who otherwise would not be able to find a job
 either playing an instrument or singing or both.
%%
Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith,
I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile!
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
%%
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come
back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Say, Wolsey, that once trod the ways of glory,
And sounded all the depths and shoals of honour,
Found thee a way, out of his wreck, to rise in;
A sure and safe one, though thy master missed it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Say yer prayers, y' flea-bitten' varmint.
%%
Say yes to safe sex...
%%
Say, you're from another planet, aren't you?
 -- SLR
%%
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.
%%
Say yur prayers, yuh flea-pickin' varmint!
 -- Yosemite Sam
%%
SBB: Store in Bit Bucket
%%
SBE: Swap Bits Erratically
%%
SBF: Skip on Bitbucket Full
%%
SC0 UNiX was made by a SADiST!
%%
:scag: vt. To destroy the data on a disk, either by corrupting the
  filesystem or by causing media damage.  "That last power hit scagged
  the system disk."  Compare {scrog}, {roach}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Scaldophobia: Fear the toilet will flush while showering.
%%
Scampering as if the Devil drove them.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. lxii
%%
Scan Conversion - Religious experience at a speed reading clinic.
%%
Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
%%
Scandinavian Photography: Matt Finnish
%%
Scan for vessels in pursuit.

Scanning.  Indications are negative, at this time.
Did I...get it right?
 -- Kirk and McCoy, "ST III:
              The Search for Spock," stardate 8210.3
%%
:scanno: /skan'oh/ n. An error in a document caused by a scanner
   glitch, analogous to a typo or {thinko}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SCAN-V WARNING: CLINTON.COM FAILS INTEGRITY CHECK
%%
SCARABAEUS, n.  The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to
our familiar "tumble-bug."  It was supposed to symbolize immortality,
the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity.  Its habit
of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have commended it
to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day assure it an equal
reverence among ourselves.  True, the American beetle is an inferior
beetle, but the American priest is an inferior priest.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
SCARABEE, n.  The same as scarabaeus.

                He fell by his own hand
                    Beneath the great oak tree.
                He'd traveled in a foreign land.
                He tried to make her understand
                The dance that's called the Saraband,
                    But he called it Scarabee.
    He had called it so through an afternoon,
        And she, the light of his harem if so might be,
        Had smiled and said naught.  O the body was fair to see,
    All frosted there in the shine o' the moon --
                        Dead for a Scarabee
    And a recollection that came too late.
                            O Fate!
                    They buried him where he lay,
                    He sleeps awaiting the Day,
                            In state,
    And two Possible Puns, moon-eyed and wan,
    Gloom over the grave and then move on.
                        Dead for a Scarabee!
                                                       Fernando Tapple
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Scarecrow for centipedes
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
SCARIFICATION, n.  A form of penance practised by the mediaeval pious.
The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot
iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent
spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement.  Scarification,
with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction.
The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to
yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is
conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of
grace.  There are, however, two grave objections to it as a
penitential method:  the good that it does and the taint of justice.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Scarlet Pimpernel, my foot. Scarlet Git, more like.
 -- Edmund : Nob and Nobility
%%
Scaroth, Cthulhu, is there a connection?
%%
Scarred for Life. No compensation. Private Investigation.
 Mark Knopfler
%%
Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!
%%
Scars of pleasure, Scars of pain.
%%
Scars take time to heal.
%%
Scary if this shit worked!
%%
Scatter the ties that bind the array
%%
SCB: Spindle Card and Belch
%%
SCCA: Short Circuit on Correct Answer
%%
SCCS is the source-code motel -- your code checks in
but it never checks out.
 -- Ken Thompson
%%
SCD: Shuffle and Cut Dec
%%
SCENARIO:
     An imagined sequence of events that provides the context in
   which a business decision is made. Scenarios always come in
   sets of three: best case, worst case, and just in case.
%%
Scenary is here, wish you were beautiful.
%%
SCEPTER, n.  A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his
authority.  It was originally a mace with which the sovereign
admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the
bones of their proponents.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Scepticism is the chastity of the intellect.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
Scepticism is the first step on the road to philosophy.
 -- Denis Diderot
%%
SCEPTICS doubt it can be done
%%
Sceptics, may or may not rule, O.K.
%%
SCEPTIC TANK
  A new type of plumbing device. Once you flush, it looks at the
  situation and says "gee, I dunno guv, I'm not sure I can get that
  big turd down the S bend. Just that little too big, know what I
  mean? Looks very dodgy to me."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
SCEU: Simulate Correct Execution, Usually
%%
Scheduled changes always mean cutbacks.
(Minor schedule adjustments always affect your bus (train, whatever))
 -- Steve Ross
%%
Schematologists do it haltingly.
%%
SCHEMA
  What you call a diagram when it gets too complicated and impressive
  to be called a diagram.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
%%
Schizophrenia beats living alone.
%%
Schizophrenia beats sysoping alone.
%%
Schizophrenia means never having to say you're lonely!!!
%%
Schizophrenia rules.  OK.  OK.
%%
Schizophrenia: The human multitasking environment.
%%
Schizophrenic? I'm bleedin' Quadrophenic
%%
Schlattwhapper, n.:
   The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down,
hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
Schmitt triggers do it only once (*sigh*).
%%
Schnuffel, n.:
        A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in
mixed company.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
School is a building that has four walls-
with tomorrow inside.
 -- Lon Watters
%%
School is a job.
%%
School is like that ol' North wind -- it blows!
%%
School is more than just a way station. It's your last taste of freedom.
    It should be savored!
 -- Zonker Harris
%%
Schools are for training people how to listen to other people.
%%
Schrodinger cut the wave equation down to <psi>'s.
%%
Schrodinger might have been here.
%%
Schrodinger's cat? Sorry, I haven't seen it.
%%
:schroedinbug: /shroh'din-buhg/ [MIT: from the Schroedinger's Cat
   thought-experiment in quantum physics] n. A design or
   implementation bug in a program that doesn't manifest until someone
   reading source or using the program in an unusual way notices that
   it never should have worked, at which point the program promptly
   stops working for everybody until fixed.  Though (like {bit
   rot}) this sounds impossible, it happens; some programs have
   harbored latent schroedinbugs for years.  Compare {heisenbug},
   {Bohr bug}, {mandelbug}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Schroedinger's Pizza.
%%
Schshschshchsch.
%%
Schshschshchsch.
 -- The Gorn, "Arena," stardate 3046.2.
%%
SCH: Slit Cards Horizontal
%%
Schubert didn't finish it.
%%
Schwarzkoff happens.... In downtown Bagdad.
%%
Schwiggle, n.:
        The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a
pencil.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
Science and art belong to the whole world, and before them vanish the
barriers of nationality.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Science and poetry rule in the new world to come.
 -- Billy Joel
%%
Science and technology are just tools.
What they do FOR you is entirely dependant on what you do WITH them.
 -- Stanley Schmidt
%%
Science can get along with talent, but art requires genius.
 -- Will Durant
%%
Science cannot stop while ethics catches up -- and nobody should
expect scientists to do all the thinking for the country.
 -- Elvin Stackman
%%
Science can purify religion from error and superstition. Religion can
purify science from idolatry and false absolutes.
 -- John Paul II, Pope (Karol Wojtyla)
%%
Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed.
 -- Thomas Henry huxley
%%
Science does not have a moral dimension. It is like a knife. If you
give it to a surgeon or a murderer, each will use it differently.
 -- Werner von Braun
%%
Science does not permit exceptions
 -- Claude Bernard (1813-1878)
 -- Lecons de pathologie experimentale
%%
Science does not promise absolute truth, nor does it consider that such
a thing necessarily exists.  Science does not even promise that everything
in the Universe is amenable to the scientific process.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Science falsely so called.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Timothy vi, 20
%%
Science Fiction: a mind-altering substance!
%%
Science fiction: Dare to dream.
%%
:science-fiction fandom:: n. Another voluntary subculture having a
   very heavy overlap with hackerdom; most hackers read SF and/or
   fantasy fiction avidly, and many go to `cons' (SF conventions) or
   are involved in fandom-connected activities such as the Society for
   Creative Anachronism.  Some hacker jargon originated in SF fandom;
   see {defenestration}, {great-wall}, {cyberpunk}, {h},
   {ha ha only serious}, {IMHO}, {mundane}, {neep-neep},
   {Real Soon Now}.  Additionally, the jargon terms {cowboy},
   {cyberspace}, {de-rezz}, {go flatline}, {ice},
   {phage}, {virus}, {wetware}, {wirehead}, and {worm}
   originated in SF stories.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Science fiction is the archaeology of the future.
%%
Science fiction is to the totalitarian state what Aesop's fables were to
the institution of slavery in the sixth century B.C.  It is, of course,
subversive.  by taking ideas too seriously, it ridicules people.  But it
depends, for its subversive power, on people who are smart enough to be
afraid of laughter.  Modern history, especially as it expresses itself
in the totalitarian hockey puck, has an excess of almost everything
except a genuine appreciation of the ludicrous.
 -- John Leonard, New York Times (1982)
%%
Science Fiction: The cutting edge of reality!
%%
Science Fiction:The only genuine consciousness-raising drug.<CS Lewis<
%%
"Science has come with wonderful ways to cure sick people one at a time,
and to kill healthy people thousands at a time"
 -- guy on NPR
%%
Science has concluded that there were earthquakes before there was rock
 music.
%%
Science has made gods of us before we were even worthy of being men.
 -- Jean Rostand
%%
Science has not yet found a cure for the pun.
%%
Science has proof without any certainty.
 Creationists have certainty without any proof.
 -- Ashley Montague
%%
Science has yet to explain Isaac Asimov's sideburns.
%%
Science is about skepticism.
 -- Eugene Miya
%%
Science is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man's upper
chamber, if he has common sense on the ground floor.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
Science is a flickering light in our darkness, it is but the only one we
have and woe to him who would put it out.
 -- Morris Cohen
%%
Science is a history of superseded theories.
%%
Science is always simple and always profound.
It is only the half-truths that are dangerous.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Science is a wonderful thing, but it has not succeeded in maximizing
pleasure and minimizing pain, and that's all we asked of it.
%%
Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living
at it.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Science is built up of facts, as a house is with stones.  But a
collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house.
 -- Jules Henri Poincare
%%
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it.
 -- Aubrey Eben
%%
Science is nothing but developed perception,
interpreted intent, common sense rounded out and minutely articulated.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense, differing from the
later only as a veteran may differ from a raw recruit:  and its methods
differ from those of common sense only as far as the guardsman's cut and
thrust differ from the manner in which a savage wields his club.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
Science is organized knowledge.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
Science is organized knowledge.  Wisdom is organized life.
 -- Immanuel Kant
%%
Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope.
 -- Carrie P. Snow
%%
Science is the whore of industry and the handmaiden of war.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Science is to computer science as hydrodynamics is to plumbing.
 -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, _Computer Language_, Oct 90
%%
Science is true.  Don't be misled by facts.
 -- Finagle's Creed
%%
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
%%
Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don't know.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
    Science itself, therefore, may be regarded as a minimal
problem, consisting of the completest possible presentment of
facts with the least possible expenditure of thought.
 -- Ernst Mach
%%
Science makes godlike -- it is all over with priests and gods when man becomes
 scientific.  Moral:  science is the forbidden as such -- it alone is
 forbidden.   Science is the *first* sin, the *original* sin.  *This alone is
 morality.* ``Thou shalt not know'' -- the rest follows.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all
 -- the apathy of human beings.
     Helen Keller
%%
Science may never come up with a better office communication system
than the coffee break.
 -- Earl Wilson
%%
Science may someday discover what faith has always known.
%%
Science seeks generally only the most useful systems of classification: these
it regards for the time being, until more useful classifications are invented,
as true.
 -- S. I. Hayakawa
%%
Science seeks to make theories that are so beautiful,
elegant, and logical that Nature is flattered and acquiesces
%%
Science teachers do it with test tubes.
%%
Science transcends mere politics. As recent history demonstrates, scientists
are as willing to work for a Tojo, a Hitler, or a Stalin as for the free
nations of the West.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Science tries to tell us interesting and constructive stories that might
be useful for something.
 -- Rich Ulrich
%%
Science without religion is lame, religion without Science is blind.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Science would be ruined if (like sports) it were to put
competition above everything else, and if it were to clarify
the rules of competition by withdrawing entirely into narrowly
defined specialties.  The rare scholars who are nomads-by-
choice are essential to the intellectual welfare of the
settled disciplines.
 -- Benoit Mandelbrot
%%
Scienta sine arte nihil est: ars sine scientia nihil est.
%%
Scientific American, July 1991: The column describes an insect-like robot and
 then relates an incident in which a curious visitor, upon seeing the thing for
 the first time, asks "is it a bug?"  The reply: No, it's a feature.
%%
Scientific and humanist approaches are not competitive but supportive,
and both are ultimately necessary.
 -- Robert C. Wood
%%
Scientific apparatus offers a window to knowledge
but as they grow more elaborate,
scientists spend ever more time washing windows.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Scientific innovation sometimes sounds like poetry, and I would claim that it
is, at least in the earliest stages.  The ideal scientist can be said to think
like a poet, work like a clerk, and write like a journalist.
 -- Edward O. Wilson, "Biophilia"
%%
Scientific method: There's a madness in the method.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Scientific Method: The widely held philosophy that a theory can never be
   proved, only disproved, and that all attempts to
   explain anything are therefore futile.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Scientists and engineers set high performance standards for themselves;
therefore, performance appraisal and career planning are perfunctory.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy.
 However, they claim no one has shown the slightest bit of interest in it.
 -- George Carlin
%%
Scientists are folks who would rather count than guess.
%%
Scientists are peeping toms at the Keyhole of Eternity.
 -- Arthur Koestler
%%
Scientists are people who build the Brooklyn Bridge and then buy it.
 -- William Buckley

%%
Scientists are planning to blow up the Moon!!!
%%
Scientists are the easiest to fool.  They think in straight, predictable,
directable, and therefore misdirectable, lines.  The only world they
know is the one where everything has a logical explanation and things
are what they appear to be.  Children and conjurors--they terrify
me.  Scientists are no problem; against them I feel quite confident.

 -- James P. Hogan
 -- Zambendorf, Code of the Lifemaker
%%
Scientists discovered it.
%%
Scientists discover life causes cancer.
%%
Scientists discover rings around Uranus!
%%
Scientists do it experimentally.
%%
Scientists do it with plenty of research.
%%
Scientists earn their right to experiment at the
 cost of total responsibility.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
Scientists have invented a love drug, but it only works on bugs.
%%
Scientists have just discovered that the active ingredient
in ICs is smoke - when it leaks out, they stop.
%%
Scientists have reduced the number of calamities we can blame on God.
%%
Scientists Produce Psychopathic Holy Girl.
%%
Scientists say the only things which will survive a nuclear war are rats
 and cockroaches.  Therefore, if a war starts...
 GET YOUR ASS UNDER THE FRIDGE!
%%
Scientists still know less about what attracts men
than they do about what attracts mosquitos.
 -- Dr. Joyce Brothers, "What Every Woman Should Know About Men"
%%
Scientists study the world as it is,
engineers create the world that never has been.
 -- Theodore von Karman
%%
Scientists tell us that the earth will fall into the sun
within 400 billion years.
 What can we, as citizens, do?
%%
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.
 They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that
 was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were
 linked together.They asked the question, "Is there a God?". Lights
 started blinking, flashing and blinking some more. Suddenly, there
 was a loud crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky,
 struck the computers, and welded all the connections permanently
 together."There is now", came the reply.
%%
Scientists who dislike the restraints of highly organized research like to
remark that a truly great research worker needs only three pieces of equipment:
a pencil, a piece of paper, and a brain.... But they quote this maxim more
often at academic banquets than at budget hearings.
 -- Don Price
%%
Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin, Man.
%%
Scilurus on his death-bed, being about to leave four-score sons surviving,
offered a bundle of darts to each of them, and bade them break them.
When all refused, drawing out one by one, he easily broke them,--thus
teaching them that if they held together, they would continue strong;
but if they fell out and were divided, they would become weak.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Apophthegms of Kings and Great Commanders
%%
Scimus te prae litteras fatuum esse.
(We know that you are mad with much learning.)
 -- Petronius (d. c.66 A.D)
%%
Scintillate, scintillate, diminutive luminous mass.
[twinkle, twinkle, little star.]
%%
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain how I pause at your nature specific,
Loftily poised in the ether capacious,
Highly resembling a gem carbonaceous.
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain how I pause at your nature specific.
%%
Scintillation is not always identification for an auric substance.
[all that glitters is not gold.]
%%
Scion of chiefs and monarchs, where art thou?
Fond hope of many nations, art thou dead?
Could not the grave forget thee, and lay low
Some less majestic, less beloved head?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 168
%%
SCI: Shred Cards Immediate
%%
Scitum est inter caecos luscum regnare posse.
 (It is well known, that among the blind the one-eyed man is king.)
 -- Gerard Didier Erasmus (c. 1465-1536)
%%
SCM: Set for Crash Mode
%%
SCOM: Set Cobol-Only Mode
%%
Scornful dogs eat dirty puddings.
 -- Musty English Proverb
%%
Scorpions often hide under tripe rations.
%%
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
 You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You will achieve the
 pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.  Most Scorpio
 people are murdered.
%%
SCORPIO (Oct.24 - Nov.21)
You will receive word today that you are eligible to win a million
dollars in prizes.  It will be from a magazine trying to get you
to subscribe, and you're just dumb enough to think you've got a
chance to win.  You never learn.
%%
SCORPIO    October 23 - November 21
You are a very domineering and opinionated person.  You do not care
who you step on to get to the top.  You laugh during funerals.  Most
Scorpios are shot in the back.
%%
Scotch: very old ginger ale with an attitude.
%%
Scotland-men are men, women are cold, and sheep are nervous.
%%
Scotsmen do it with Amazing Grace.
%%
Scots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled,
Scots, wham Bruce has aften led,
Welcome to your gory bed,
        Or to victory!
Now 's the day and now 's the hour;
See the front o' battle lour.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Bannockburn
%%
Scott: "A Bird of Prey cannot fire when she's cloaked."
Spock: "All things being equal, Mister Scott, I would agree.  However, things
  are not equal.  This one can."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Scott: "A chimpanzee and two trainees could run her."
Kirk: "Thank you, Mister Scott, I'll try not to take that personally."
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Scott: "A good crew."
LaForge: "Yeah, they are."
Scott: "And a fine ship.  A credit to her name.  But I've found that a ship is
  only as good as the engineer who takes care of her.  And from what I can see,
  the Enterprise is in good hands."
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
Scott: "Ah, thank you, lad."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "But when they can build ships like your Enterprise, who would
want to  pilot an old bucket like this?" LaForge: "I don't know, if
this ship were operational, I'd bet she'd run circles  around the
Enterprise at impulse speeds.  Just because something's old doesn't
 mean you throw it away."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Captain Montgomery Scott.  Tell me, how long have I been missing?"
Riker: "Well--"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Computer, shut this bloody thing off.  It's time I acted my age."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Do you know that your dilithium crystals are going to fracture?!"
LaForge: "We recomposit the crystals while they're still inside the
articulation  frame."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Do you mind a little advice?  Starfleet captains are like
children.  They want everything right now, and they want it their
way.  But the secret is  to give only what they need, not what they
want!" LaForge: "Yeah, well I told the captain I'd have this analysis
done in an hour." Scott: "How long would it really take?" LaForge:
"An hour!" Scott: "Oh, you didn't tell him how long it would *really*
take, did you?" LaForge: "Well of course I did." Scott: "Oh, laddie,
you've got a lot to learn if you want people to think of you  as a
miracle worker!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Geordi, I have spent my whole life, trying to figure out crazy
ways of  doing things.  I'm telling you, as one engineer to another...I
can *do* this."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Good lord, man, where have you put me?" Kane: "These are standard
guest quarters, sir.  I can try and find something  bigger if you
want." Scott: "'Bigger'?  In my day, even an admiral wouldn't have
had such quarters in  a starship!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "He called you a tin-plated, overbearing dictator with delusions of
  Godhood!"
Kirk: "And *that's* when you hit him!"
Scott: "Ah, no, sir.  We're big enough to take a *few* insults!"
 -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardate 4525.6.
%%
Scott: "How do we know he didn't invent the thing?"
McCoy: "Yeah."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Scott: "I beamed the whole kit and kaboodle over to the Klingons'
engine room...
  where they'll be no tribble at all."
 -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardate 4525.6.
%%
Scott: "I bet you two bottles of scotch that they're inside the sphere.  And
  that they went *in* right through the hatch."
LaForge: "Yeah, no bet here."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "I don't belong on your ship.  I belong on this one.  This was my home.
  This is where I had a purpose.  But it's not real.  It's just a computer-
  generated fantasy.  And I'm just an old man who's trying to hide in it."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "I don't know what it is exactly, but I would be *real* careful.  It's
  real--"
Picard: "Aldeberan whisky.  Who do you think gave it to Guinan?"
Scott: "Ahh."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "I guess you'll have to fire me, sir."
 -- "The Apple", Stardate 3715.6.
%%
Scott: "I know this ship like the back of my hand."
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
Scott: "I'm not here for a tour, laddie.  I'm here to help!" LaForge:
"That's very kind, but I'm sure we can handle it." Scott: "I was a
Starfleet engineer for fifty-two years, Mister LaForge.  I think 
I'm still useful."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "I remember...a time when the old Enterprise was spiraling towards Psi
  2000.  And the captain wanted to try a cold start of the warp engines.  And I
  told him, that without a proper phase-lock, it would take at least thirty
  minutes.  'You cannot change the laws of physics!', I told him!  But, he
  wouldn't believe me!  So, I had to come up with a whole new engine start-up
  routine."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scottish country dancers are reel people
%%
Scottish Kilt Patterns: Glen Pladd
%%
Scott: "It's coming apart, lad!  I can't do anything else!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "It's...uh, well...it's green!"
 -- "By Any Other Name", Stardate 4657.5.
%%
Scott: "Laddie, you need to phase-lock the warp fields within three percent, or
  they'll become unstable!"
LaForge: "What?!"
Scott: "Well look here!  The warp--"
LaForge: "We use a multi-phase auto-containment field now.  It's meant to
  operate above three percent."
Scott: "Uh, well, that would make the difference."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott me up Beamie!
%%
Scott: "Now, lad, I thought you were going to buy me a drink in Ten-Forward."
LaForge: "Actually, I had a better idea."
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
Scott: "Now we're back to square one."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Scott: "Oh, enjoy these times, Geordi.  You're the chief engineer
of a starship.
  And it's a time of your life that'll never come again.  When it's gone, it's
  gone."
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
Scott: "Oh, is that a conduit interface?"
LaForge: "Yeah, it is."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Perhaps we are looking at something of that future...here?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Scott's got a magnet! Everybody BACKUP!
%%
Scott: "Shut the duterium from the main cryo pump to the auxillary tank."
LaForge: "The tank can't withstand that kind of pressure."
Scott: "Where'd you get that idea?!"
LaForge: "What do you where'd I get that idea?  It's in the impulse engine
  specifications."
Scott: "Regulation 42/15?  Pressure variances on the IRC Tank storage?"
LaForge: "Yeah!"
Scott: "Forget it.  I wrote it.  A good engineer is always a *wee* bit
  conservative, at least on paper."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Take the Bridge, Commander." LaForge: "Oh no.  You're the
senior officer here." Scott: "Oh, I may be captain by rank, but I
never wanted to be anything else but  an engineer."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Thank God."
Uhura: "Did you see the way they *ate*?"
Chekov: "Horrible table manners."
Spock: "I doubt that our behavior will distinguish us in the annals of
  diplomacy."
Kirk: "I'm going to sleep this off.  Please let me know if there's some other
  way we can screw up tonight?"
McCoy: "I'm going to find a pot of black coffee."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Scott: "The plasma intercooler's gone!  The engines are overheating!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "There now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "To the Enterprise and the Stargazer.  Old girlfriends we'll never meet
  again."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "Well, I'll say this about your Enterprise.  The doctors are
a fair sight
  prettier."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "What in blazes is *this*?!"
Waiter: "Didn't you order scotch?"
Scott: "Laddie, I was drinking scotch a hundred years before you were born.
  And I can tell you that whatever this is, it is definately not scotch."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "What is it?"
Data: "It is--  Hm!  It is--  It is *green*."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "What've you done with the duotronic enhancers?"
LaForge: "Well, those were *replaced* with isolinear chips about forty years
  ago.  A lot more efficient now.  Oh, that's an EPS power tap there!"
Scott: "Ahh."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scotty, beam me Augggg! #$ NO CARRIER
%%
Scotty, beam me down a burrito!
%%
Scotty, beam me down another beer! (BUURRP!)
%%
Scotty, beam me to the Bahamas.
%%
Scotty, beam me up a double!
%%
Scotty, beam me up another Blue Wave message.
%%
Scotty, beam Mr. Clinton and Mr. Gore to the brig.
%%
Scotty, beam us a board (2x4 drops from sky).
%%
Scotty: Captain, we din' can reference it
Kirk: Analysis, Mr. Spock?
Spock: Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table.
Kirk: Then it's of external origin?
Spock:  Affirmative.
Kirk: Mr. Sulu, go to pass two.
Sulu: Aye aye, sir, going to pass two.
%%
Scotty: "Captain, we have PLENTY of power!"
 -- Dave Letterman
 -- One of the Top Ten Lines You'll Never Hear on Star Trek 
%%
Scotty! Hurry! Beam me to#$!(^*~~qq^_)$ NO CARRIER
%%
Scotty is smoking the dilithium crystals again, Jim.
%%
Scott: "You know, I remember a time we had to transport the Dohlman of Elas.
  You never had anyone whine and complain so much about quarters as she did."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "You know, these quarters remind me of a hotel room in Argelius.  Oh now
  there is a planet!  Everything a man wants right at his fingertips!  'Course,
  in the first visit, I got into a *wee* bit of trouble!"
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scott: "You're giving me one of your shuttles?"
Picard: "Well, call it an 'extended loan'.  Since you lost your ship saving
  ours it seemed only fair."
 -- "Relics", Stardate 46125.3
%%
Scott: "You're not quite, uh, *human*, are you?"
Data: "No, sir.  I am an android.  Lieutenant Commander Data."
Scott: "Synthetic scotch, synthetic commanders."
 -- "Relics", Stardate Unknown
%%
Scotty, the woman is appreciated but I said beam me aboard.
%%
Scotty, we have a "situation" here. Beam down Ensign Expendable.
%%
Scotty: "What is it?"
Data: "It is... it is green."
%%
Scoundrel maxim.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Castle of Indolence, Canto i, Stanza 30
%%
Scouter, Scouter, which way is North?
%%
Scouter Truth: Being prepared is only part of it!
%%
Scouter Truth: Dishwashing is the hardest activity to get volunteers.
%%
Scouter Truth: Once an Eagle, always an Eagle.
%%
Scouter Truth: There's always more patches to trade for.
%%
Scouting--I love it!
%%
Scouting is cool!
%%
Scouting - It's only an hour a week!! <*BIG GRIN*>
%%
Scouting rounds a guy out --- yep, I'm getting round.
%%
Scouting taught me everything I know about knots.
%%
Scoutmaster? - I'm not the master of those...
%%
SCP: SCatter Printer
%%
Scrabitch: Unscratchable itch in the center of your back.
%%
Scrambled Legs.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
SCRAM!!!!!!!!!!- Oscar the Grouch
%%
:scram switch: [from the nuclear power industry] n. An
   emergency-power-off switch (see {Big Red Switch}), esp. one
   positioned to be easily hit by evacuating personnel.  In general,
   this is *not* something you {frob} lightly; these often
   initiate expensive events (such as Halon dumps) and are installed
   in a {dinosaur pen} for use in case of electrical fire or in
   case some luckless {field servoid} should put 120 volts across
   himself while {Easter egging}.  (See also {molly-guard},
   {TMRC}.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:scratch: 1. [from `scratchpad'] adj. Describes a data
   structure or recording medium attached to a machine for testing or
   temporary-use purposes; one that can be {scribble}d on without
   loss.  Usually in the combining forms `scratch memory',
   `scratch register', `scratch disk', `scratch tape',
   `scratch volume'.  See also {scratch monkey}.  2. [primarily
   IBM] vt. To delete (as in a file).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Scratch a Conservative, and you scratch a moron.
%%
Scratch the disks!
Drop the core!
Roll the tapes across the floor!
%%
:scream and die: v. Syn. {cough and die}, but connotes that an
   error message was printed or displayed before the program crashed.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:screaming tty: [UNIX] n. A terminal line which spews an infinite
   number of random characters at the operating system.  This can
   happen if the terminal is either disconnected or connected to a
   powered-off terminal but still enabled for login; misconfiguration,
   misimplementation, or simple bad luck can start such a terminal
   screaming.  A screaming tty or two can seriously degrade the
   performance of a vanilla UNIX system; the arriving "characters"
   are treated as userid/password pairs and tested as such.  The UNIX
   password encryption algorithm is designed to be computationally
   intensive in order to foil brute-force crack attacks, so although
   none of the logins succeeds; the overhead of rejecting them all can
   be substantial.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Screamin' SAMMY Sausage.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
SCREECH TWWWPPPTT! ACK! ACK! HUUMM:  386 going Turbo.
%%
Screen test:  an eye test, using an overheard projector
%%
scree: sound made by a mo when its hair is being removed. see mohair.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
:screwage: /skroo'*j/ n. Like {lossage} but connotes that the
   failure is due to a designed-in misfeature rather than a simple
   inadequacy or a mere bug.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Screw each and every prime directive.
%%
Screw 'em, you're the sysop =).
%%
:screw: [MIT] n. A {lose}, usually in software.  Especially used for
   user-visible misbehavior caused by a bug or misfeature.  This use
   has become quite widespread outside MIT.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Screw the mug, give me a caffeine I.V. !!!
%%
Screw the Prime Directive, give the Borg MS-DOS 1.0!
%%
Screw the Prime Directive, give the Borg OS/2!
%%
Screw the Prime Directive, give the Borg Windows 3.1!
%%
Screw the Prime Directive. If it moves, SHOOT IT!
%%
Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
%%
Screw up your life! You've screwed everything else up.
%%
:scribble: n. To modify a data structure in a random and
   unintentionally destructive way.  "Bletch! Somebody's
   disk-compactor program went berserk and scribbled on the i-node
   table."  "It was working fine until one of the allocation routines
   scribbled on low core."  Synonymous with {trash}; compare {mung},
   which conveys a bit more intention, and {mangle}, which is more
   violent and final.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SCRIBBLER, n.  A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to
one's own.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Scribbling graffiti on the toilets
 Was never difficult a bit:
 Among the shit, you all are poets;
 Among the poets, you all are shit.
%%
Script:  ImpLode, UpLode, DownLode, ExpLode!
%%
Scripture does not explain things by their secondary causes,
but only narrates them in the order and style which has most power
to move men, and especially uneducated men, to devotions....
Its object is not to convince the reason, but to attract and lay hold
of the imagination.
 -- Spinoza
%%
SCRIPTURES, n.  The sacred books of our holy religion, as
distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other
faiths are based.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:scrog: /skrog/ [Bell Labs] vt. To damage, trash, or corrupt a
   data structure.  "The list header got scrogged."  Also reported
   as `skrog', and ascribed to the comic strip "The Wizard of
   Id".  Compare {scag}; possibly the two are related.  Equivalent
   to {scribble} or {mangle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:scrool: /skrool/ [from the pioneering Roundtable chat system in
   Houston ca. 1984; prob. originated as a typo for `scroll'] n. The
   log of old messages, available for later perusal or to help one get
   back in synch with the conversation.  It was originally called the
   `scrool monster', because an early version of the roundtable
   software had a bug where it would dump all 8K of scrool on a user's
   terminal.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:scrozzle: /skroz'l/ vt. Used when a self-modifying code segment runs
   incorrectly and corrupts the running program or vital data.  "The
   damn compiler scrozzled itself again!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SCRRC: SCRamble Register Contents
%%
Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
Presidency.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
Scruples taste best with garlic butter.
%%
Scrute the inscrutable and eff the ineffable!
%%
SC: Scramble Channels
%%
SC: Shred Cards
%%
SCSI people, SCSI places
%%
:SCSI: [Small Computer System Interface] n. A bus-independent
   standard for system-level interfacing between a computer and
   intelligent devices.  Typically annotated in literature with `sexy'
   (/sek'see/), `sissy' (/sis'ee/), and `scuzzy' (/skuh'zee/) as
   pronunciation guides --- the last being the overwhelmingly
   predominant form, much to the dismay of the designers and their
   marketing people.  One can usually assume that a person who
   pronounces it /S-C-S-I/ is clueless.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SCS: Spurious Cold Start
%%
SCST: Switch Channel to Star Trek
%%
SCTR: Stick Card To Reader
%%
Scuba divers do it deeper.
%%
SCUD beer, drink all you want, never hits the spot.
%%
SCUD Lite Beer-you have to drink 15 before they hit you.
%%
SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions
%%
Scuffed Floors: Mark Tupp
%%
Sculptor: A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.
%%
SCULPTORS beat at it until bits fall off
%%
Sculpture: mud pies that endure.
%%
:ScumOS: /skuhm'os/ or /skuhm'O-S/ n. Unflattering hackerism
   for SunOS, the UNIX variant supported on Sun Microsystems's UNIX
   workstations (see also {sun-stools}), and compare {AIDX},
   {Macintrash}, {Nominal Semidestructor}, {Open DeathTrap},
   {HP-SUX}.  Despite what this term might suggest, Sun was
   founded by hackers and still enjoys excellent relations with
   hackerdom; usage is more often in exasperation than outright
   loathing.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
S'cuse me.......'ave you got a light? :-Q
%%
Scuze'a
%%
"'Scuze me while I kiss the sky"
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
SDC: Spool Disk to Console
%%
SDDB: Snap Disk Drive Belt
%%
SDD: Scratch Disk and Die
%%
SDD: Seek and Destroy Data
%%
SDD: Spin Disk Dry
%%
SDE: Solve Differential Equations
%%
SDI     Self Destruct Immediately
%%
SDJ: Send all Data to Japan
%%
SDLI: Shift Disk Left Immedite
%%
SDL: Shift Disk Left
%%
SDM: Search and Destroy Memory
%%
SDP: Search and Destroy Pointer
%%
Sdrawkcab spelled backwards is backwards.
%%
s%d: ring buffer overflow
%%
SDRI: Shift Disk Right Immediate
%%
SDR: Shift Disk Right
%%
SDR: Slam Down Rondo [worst soda ever made]
%%
SD: Scramble Directory
%%
SD: Self Destruct
%%
SD: Slip Disk
%%
SDS: Sort of Do Something
%%
Sea Birds: Al Batross
%%
Seals are very intelligent animals. They've probably thought of defending
themselves. Only one problem:  no hands. They're sitting on the beach,
getting whomped on the head, going:  THONK "Man, this sucks." THONK "Wish
we had some hands." THONK "Or at least a couple of helmets." THONK.
 -- Denis Leary
%%
Seamen have a custom, when they meet a whale, to fling him out an
empty tub by way of amusement, to divert him from laying violent hands
upon the ship.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Tale of a Tub, Preface
%%
Sean asked me to marry him, but he didn't say it out loud. So I read his mind
back to him.
 -- Madonna
%%
Sea of upturned faces.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Speech, Sept, 30, 1842, Vol. ii, p. 117
%%
:search-and-destroy mode: n. Hackerism for a noninteractive
   search-and-replace facility in an editor, so called because an
   incautiously chosen match pattern can cause {infinite} damage.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Search for an embalmer. <g<
%%
Searching EWING WIEGAND WETZ CANTER CHADWICK LORTON PEACOCK MIDDELTON
%%
Searching for help in all the right places
%%
Search men's governing principles, and consider the wise, what they
shun and what they cleave to.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 38
%%
Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Sears has everything.
%%
Seasoned life of man preserved and stored up in books.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Areopagitica
%%
Seasons Greetings...
%%
Season's Greetings should be all year 'round!
%%
Season Tickets: Oprah Maven
%%
Season your admiration for a while.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Seas roll to waft me, suns to light me rise;
My footstool earth, my canopy the skies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 139
%%
Seat belt laws interfere with natural selection.
%%
Seat belts? I don't need to use `em.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
SEATTLE
  City in the north-western United States, in the state of
  Washington. This should not be confused with Washington DC, which
  is a city in the north-east. People who've failed geography, claim
  that 93% of places in the United States are named after George
  Washington.
      Rock music experts predict that by 2020, all musicians will be
  from Seattle.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Seattle is so wet that people protect their property with watch-ducks.
%%
Seattle Rain Festival - Jan. 1 to Dec. 31
%%
Sea-wasp jellyfish are far more dangerous than sharks.
%%
Sea water has the formula CH2O.
%%
Sea water is the purest and most polluted: for fish it is drinkable and
life-giving; for men, not drinkable and destructive.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
SEA
  Where fish fingers come from.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
SeaWorld Concession Stand:  Today's Special - Fish Sandwich $1.99
%%
SEB: Stop Eating and Burp
%%
:secondary damage: n. When a fatal error occurs (esp. a
   {segfault}) the immediate cause may be that a pointer has been
   trashed due to a previous {fandango on core}.  However, this
   fandango may have been due to an *earlier* fandango, so no
   amount of analysis will reveal (directly) how the damage occurred.
   "The data structure was clobbered, but it was secondary damage."

   By extension, the corruption resulting from N cascaded
   fandangoes on core is `Nth-level damage'.  There is at least
   one case on record in which 17 hours of {grovel}ling with
   `adb' actually dug up the underlying bug behind an instance of
   seventh-level damage!  The hacker who accomplished this
   near-superhuman feat was presented with an award by his fellows.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Second fiddles do it vilely.
%%
Second-rate people hire third-rate people.
 -- Leo Rosten's law
%%
Second star to the right and straight on till morning.
%%
:second-system effect: n. (sometimes, more euphoniously,
   `second-system syndrome') When one is designing the successor to
   a relatively small, elegant, and successful system, there is a
   tendency to become grandiose in one's success and design an
   {elephantine} feature-laden monstrosity.  The term was first
   used by Fred Brooks in his classic "The Mythical Man-Month:
   Essays on Software Engineering" (Addison-Wesley, 1975; ISBN
   0-201-00650-2).  It described the jump from a set of nice, simple
   operating systems on the IBM 70xx series to OS/360 on the
   360 series.  A similar effect can also happen in an evolving
   system; see {Brooks's Law}, {creeping elegance}, {creeping
   featurism}.  See also {{Multics}}, {OS/2}, {X}, {software
   bloat}.

   This version of the jargon lexicon has been described (with
   altogether too much truth for comfort) as an example of
   second-system effect run amok on jargon-1....
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Second thoughts, they say, are best.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Spanish Friar, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Secret Agent Man, they've given you a number and taken away your name.
%%
Secretaries do it from 9 to 5.
%%
Secretaries do it with no mistakes.
%%
Secretaries do it with their fingers.
%%
Secretary not permanent fixture, until screwed on desk!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Secretion:  Hiding something...
%%
Secret revealed: Press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL] for SysOp Access!
%%
Secret sources are more credible.
 -- Ron Nessen
%%
Section 2.4.3.5    AWNS   (Acceptor Wait for New Cycle State).
        In AWNS the AH function indicates that it has received a
multiline message byte.
     In AWNS the RFD message must be sent false and the DAC message
must be sent passive true.
    The AH function must exit the AWNS and enter:
 (1)  The ANRS if DAV is false
 (2)  The AIDS if the ATN message is false and neither:
                (a)  The LADS is active
               (b)  Nor LACS is active

 -- from the IEEE Standard Digital Interface for
                  Programmable Instrumentation
%%
Sector Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (C)offee?
%%
Sector not found: A)bort, R)etry, G)olly, it's a virus!
%%
Sector not found: did you look under the sofa?
%%
Sector Not Found, Go to Your Room!
%%
Sector not found. Kill Program?  (Y)es, (N)o, (S)crew it
%%
Sector Not Found; Take Vacation.
%%
Sects! Sects! Sects! Is that all monks ever think about?
%%
SECULAR HUMANISM: The only state approved religion.
%%
Security by Obscurity!
%%
Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
%%
Security, confine Ensign Bauer to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Black to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Callery to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Clay to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Doyle to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Falconer to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Garner to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Grote to the brig.
%%
Security, confine ensign HANOIAN to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Lincoln to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Lurman to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign McNabb to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Oliveros to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Parsons to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Schell to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Shafer to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Westropp to the brig.
%%
Security, confine Ensign Wilson to the brig.
%%
Security for UNIX is like multitasking for MS-DOS.
 -- Kevin Lockwood
%%
Security, get that floozy off my bridge.
 -- Picard
%%
Security is a game but the final goal is never reached.
%%
Security is a state of mind...
%%
Security is mostly a superstition. Security does not exist in nature, nor do
the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in
the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or
nothing.
 -- Helen Keller, The Open Door (1957)
%%
Security isn't a dirty word, Blackadder. Crevice is a dirty word.
 -- Melchett : General Hospital
%%
Security is the individual's responsibility.
%%
Security Team Two reports they've discovered a puddle of blood outside
  the Selay quarters, and they can't find one of the delegates...
Lieutenant, this couldn't have waited a moment?
It's good to see you sir. The problem is that one of the cooks has just
  been asked to broil reptile for the Anticans...and it looks like the
  Selay delegate.
 -- Yar and Riker, "Lonely Among Us", stardate 41249.3
%%
Security - the computer programmer's equivalent of a joke.
%%
Security to the bridge! Commander Data is being formatted!
%%
:SED: [TMRC, from `Light-Emitting Diode'] /S-E-D/ n.
   Smoke-emitting diode.  A {friode} that lost the war.  See also
   {LER}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.
She scissored short.  Sorely shorn,
Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed,
Silently scheming,
Sightlessly seeking
Some savage, spectacular suicide.
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
See above.  Then shred your kid's Barney doll
%%
See above.  Then shred your kid's NES
%%
See a penny, pick it up; move into a higher tax bracket.
%%
See a psychiatrist about your hydrophobia.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
See cat.  See cat run.  All right...Who opened the cat food?
%%
See Dick drink,
See Dick drive,
See Dick die.
Don't be a Dick!
%%
See Dick drink,
see Dick get drunk,
see Dick drive,
girls love Dick.
%%
Seed me, Seymour
 -- a random number generator meets the big green mother from outer space
%%
See golden days, fruitful of golden deeds,
With joy and love triumphing.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 337
%%
See here now ...
%%
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
See how these Christians love one another.
 -- Tertullian (160-240 AD)
 -- Apologeticus, c. 39
%%
See how the world its veterans rewards!
A youth of frolics, an old age of cards.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 243
%%
See how the world rewards its votaries.
 -- Gesta Romanorum
 -- Tale xxxvi
%%
See if you can shout at just the right frequency.
%%
Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the
end of the ocean.
 -- David Searls
%%
Seeing is believing, Touching is convincing..
%%
Seeing is believing.
You wouldn't have seen it if you hadn't believed it.
%%
Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing.
 -- James Thurber
%%
Seeing Ministry live is like mainlining on the 20th Century
 -- Melody Maker
%%
Seeing the root of the matter is found in me.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xix, 28
%%
See? I told you them wizards was dangerous {ribbet}!
%%
Seek companionship, love and social activity at home.
%%
SEEK Error Reading Drive C:
%%
Seek error reading drive Z:, reboot system!
%%
Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.
%%
Seeking duration too hastily brings misfortune persistently.
Nothing that would further.
%%
 Seek into the Chao if thou wouldst be wise
 And find ye delight in Her Great Surprise!
 Look into the Chao if thou wantest to know
 What's in a Chao and why it ain't so!
 -- HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:1
%%
Seek new employment prior to the imposition of performance
penalties on your project.
%%
Seek not for fresher founts afar, Just drop you bucket where you are.
 -- Sam Walter Foss
 -- Back Country Poems, 1892
%%
Seeks painted trifles and fantastic toys,
And eagerly pursues imaginary joys.
 -- Mark Akenside (1721-1770)
 -- The Virtuoso, Stanza x
%%
Seek wealth, it's good.
 -- Ivan Boesky
%%
See ladies blouses. 50% off!
%%
Seem'd washing his hands with invisible soap
  In imperceptible water.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Miss Kilmansegg, Her Christening
%%
See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.
 -- Tommy
%%
Seems human enough to me.
 -- Guinan after stabbing Q's hand with a fork, "Deja Q",
       stardate 43539.1
%%
Seems just like yesterday . . . Hey!  It was!
%%
Seems like the wrath of the gods got a punch on the nose and it's
 starting to flow--I think I might be sinking.
 -- Jimmy Page and Robert Plant
%%
Seems, madam! nay, it is; I know not "seems."
'T is not alone my inky cloak, good mother,
Nor customary suits of solemn black.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
See much, study much, think much, and you might even learn something.
%%
See my lips tremble and my eyeballs roll,
Suck my last breath, and catch my flying soul.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Line 323
%%
Seen any big bubbles lately?
%%
Seen Helen Kellers last film?  Neither have she......
%%
See no evil speak no evil hear no evil and have no fun.
%%
Seen on a bumper sticker - "My son is an Eagle Scout!"
%%
Seen on a commercial for Mennen deodorant:
"Gives 110% protection!"
Does this mean that it sucks moisture out of the atmosphere
and stuffs it into your arpits?
%%
See one promontory (said Socrates of old), one mountain, one sea,
one river, and see all.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 4, Subsect. 7
%%
Seers and soothsayers read crystal balls to find the future.  Less lucky
men read junk--with more success.
 -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
See side panel for exciting recipe ideas.
%%
Seest thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings;
he shall not stand before mean men.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxii, 29
%%
See that thou, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles,
 do not get any of the thistles stuck in thy tongue.
%%
See the Future; See OS/2.  Be the Future; Run OS/2.
%%
See the Great Underground Empire for under 1 zorkmid!
%%
See the gypsy queen in a glaze of Vaseline
%%
See the halibuts and the sturgeons
being wiped out by detergents.
Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly,
but they don't last long if they try.
Pollution, pollution, you can use the latest toothpaste,
and then rinse your mouth with industrial waste.
 -- POLLUTION by Tom Lehrer
%%
See the happiest fish in the world at our fabulous BeerQuarium!
%%
See the happy moron,
   He doesn't give a damn.
 I wish I were a moron,
   My God! Perhaps I am!
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
See the little phrases go
Watch their funny antics.
The men who make them wiggle so
Are teachers of semantics.
 -- F.Winsor
%%
See them standing in the foothills, waiting for the kill.
%%
See, the old magic's still there...
 -- Vila
The old ego too....
 -- Avon
%%
See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years.
 -- David Bowie
%%
See! the smoking bowl before us,
Mark our jovial ragged ring;
Round and round take up the chorus,
And in raptures loudly sing.
%%
See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist.   I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
%%
See the TURTLE of enormous girth,  ...
%%
See the USA in a Chevrolet.....a joint operating agreement between us and
 Mitsubishi Motors.
%%
See the world! Learn helicopter maintenance.
%%
See this?  This is a copy!  I want you to make me the original.
%%
See what a rent the envious Casca made.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
See what happens when you don't eat your broccoli!
%%
See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
 -- Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo.
%%
See, when I paint, it is an experience that, at its best, is transcending
reality. When it is working, you completely go into another place, you're
tapping into things that are totally universal, completely beyond your ego
and your own self. That's what it's all about.
 -- Keith Haring
%%
See, when you're oder, you dake your sinuses fo granded.
 -- Calvin
%%
See William Shatner and Avery Brooks on Deep Space 911!
%%
See, Winter comes to rule the varied year.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Winter, Line 1
%%
Seeya at the Newbie Death Flaming Competition!
%%
Seeyagottagobye.
%%
See ya in the chronostream, Time Jockey!
%%
See ya later alligator! After awhile crocodile!
%%
See you in the asylum.
%%
See you later.
%%
See your dealer, or send a check to me: Joe Isuzu
%%
See you when tea is ready.
%%
SeeYUH!
%%
SEGA and Nintendo are combining, they call it Windows NT.
%%
:segfault: n.,vi. Syn. {segment}, {segmentation fault}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:seggie: /seg'ee/ [UNIX] n. Shorthand for {segmentation fault}
   reported from Britain.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:segmentation fault: n. [UNIX] 1. An error in which a running program
   attempts to access memory not allocated to it and {core dump}s
   with a segmentation violation error.  2. To lose a train of
   thought or a line of reasoning.  Also uttered as an exclamation at
   the point of befuddlement.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:segment: /seg'ment/ vi. To experience a {segmentation fault}.
   Confusingly, this is often pronounced more like the noun `segment'
   than like mainstream v. segment; this is because it is actually a
   noun shorthand that has been verbed.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:segv: /seg'vee/ n.,vi. Yet another synonym for {segmentation
   fault} (actually, in this case, `segmentation violation').
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SEINE, n.  A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of
environment.  For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are
more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with
small, cut stones.

    The devil casting a seine of lace,
        (With precious stones 'twas weighted)
    Drew it into the landing place
        And its contents calculated.

    All souls of women were in that sack --
        A draft miraculous, precious!
    But ere he could throw it across his back
        They'd all escaped through the meshes.
                                                      Baruch de Loppis
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
SEISMOLOGISTS do it when the earth shakes
%%
Seismologists make the earth move.
%%
Sela: "Captain Picard, welcome to Romulus.  I trust you've enjoyed your visit?
  And this is the android I've come to respect in battle."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Sela: "Do not be distressed.  Your dream of reunification is not dead.  It will
  simply take a different form.  The Romulan conquest of Vulcan."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Sela: "Excuse me, I'm just finishing up a speech, for you, Mister Spock.  I
  rather enjoy writing, I don't get to do it very often in this job."
Data: "Perhaps you would be happier in another job."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Sela: "Impossible!  There's no way they could've gotten out of this room!"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Selamat Datang!
%%
Sela: "Please feel free to change any words that you wish.  I tried to make it
  sound Vulcan, a lot of unneccessarily long words."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Sela: "You'll never get out of this building." Data: "I disagree,
Commander.  After studying the design of this structure, I  have determined
that our best route of escape would be the underground exit to  the
east of this wing.  I have disconnected certain security scanners
to  assist us."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Seldom he smiles, and smiles in such a sort
As if he mock'd himself, and scorn'd his spirit
That could be moved to smile at anything.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Self-centered people are those who spend so much time talking about
themselves we never get a chance to talk about ourselves.
%%
Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion to
the inherent unreliability of the system in which they are used.
 -- Tom Gibb
%%
Self-defense is nature's oldest law.
 -- Dryden
%%
Self Denial Made Easy: Abner Gation
%%
Self-deprecation is my middle name, but I am not very good at it.
%%
Self-discipline is when your conscience tells you to do something and
you don't talk back.
 -- W.K. Hope
%%
Self-doubt about your honesty can be had by winning two games of solitaire
 in a row.
%%
Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is.
 -- Isacc Asimov
%%
Self-Esteem: An erroneous appraisal.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
`Self-esteem' [has been] promoted over and over again as the new panacea,
 along with teaching `responsibility.'   However, parents must remember that
 `self-esteem' is a double-edged sword.  While it may be true that a child
 needs a great deal of self-confidence to reject undesirable peer influence,
 it will, at the same time, require a defiantly self-confident child to have
 the courage to violate his or her family values and/or Judeo-Christian
 heritage, and engage in the `responsible' promiscuity being promoted by
 the liberal sex educators.
 -- Margo Szews, Anti-Choice Educator, A.L.L. About Issues, June - July '89,
    as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned
     Parenthood pamphlet
%%
Self-evident, adj.  Evident to one's self and to nobody else.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Self help for people who talk too much:  On and On Anon
%%
Self-improvement is a dangerous form of vanity.
 -- Alan Watts
%%
Self-incrimination... tsk, tsk... should've taken the 5th.
%%
SELFISH, adj.  Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live.  It is asking other
people to live as one wishes to live.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Self-love is more cunning than the most cunning man in the world.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Self-love is the greatest of flatterers.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin
As self-neglecting.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Self-made men can be glaring examples of unskilled labour.
%%
Self-piercing earrings
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
:self-reference: n. See {self-reference}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Self-referential sentence fragment.
%%
Self-reliance, the height and perfection of man, is reliance on God.
 -- Emerson
%%
Self-respect . . . is a question of recognizing that anything worth having has
its price.
%%
Self-respect permeates every aspect of your life.
 -- Joe Clark
%%
Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control,--
These three alone lead life to sovereign power.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Oenone
%%
Self-righteousness is a leading cause of blindness.
%%
Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Self-sacrifice is always a virtue--in other people.
%%
Self-serve tagline.  Think of something funny.
%%
Self starters will not.
%%
Sellebrities:  TV personalities who endorse cars, Jell-o, etc.
%%
Sell!  Sell Everything, dammit!  Sell!!
%%
Sell your mountain-side chalet.  You never used it much anyway.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Semanticists do it with meaning.
%%
Semantics teaches us to watch our prejudices...Semantics is the propagandist's
worst friend.
%%
SEMESTER
  A university half-year, especially designed so that the first ten
  or so weeks are piss-easy, followed by about four weeks of
  assignment/revision/exam absolute misery.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
%%
Semi-Conductor - a person hired to lead an orchestra before he
has graduated from director's school.
%%
Semi-conductor - one who directs 18 wheelers.
%%
Semiconductor - part time band leader
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Seminars for Men:  You too can be the designated driver.
%%
Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
%%
:semi: /se'mee/ or /se'mi:/ 1. n. Abbreviation for
   `semicolon', when speaking.  "Commands to {grind} are
   prefixed by semi-semi-star" means that the prefix is `;;*',
   not 1/4 of a star.  2. A prefix used with words such as
   `immediately' as a qualifier.  "When is the system coming up?"
   "Semi-immediately."  (That is, maybe not for an hour.)  "We did
   consider that possibility semi-seriously."  See also
   {infinite}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Semper fidelis. [always faithful]
%%
Semper Fi, dude.
%%
Semper Non Sequitur!
%%
SEMPER UBI SUB UBI !!!!
%%
Semper Ubi Sub Ubi - Always Where Under Where.
%%
Senate, n.:
   A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and
misdemeanors.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Senate office hours are from twelve to one with an hour off for lunch.
 -- George S. Kaufman
%%
Senator Alan Simpson, R-Wyoming, has a stock answer when asked his church
preference.
He often says: "Red brick."
%%
Senator Bentsen talks about recapturing the foreign markets.  Well, I'll
tell you one way that we're not going to recapture the foreign markets, and
that is, in fact, we have another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter
grain embargo.  Jimmy Carter's grain embargo set the American farmer back.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle, Washington Post transcript (10/6/88)
%%
Senator, get your hands out of my pockets and back on her.
%%
Senator Packwood's NAFTA deal with Bill: a night in bed with Hillary?
%%
Senator Paul Simon is leading a campaign to ban violence from television.
 This may mean an end to the Morton Downy program!
%%
Senators are a prolific source of advice, and most of it is bad.
 -- Dean Acheson
%%
Senators do it on the floor.
%%
Send $20 and I will double your IQ or no money back.
%%
Send a message to ARCHIE @ 1:290/10, subject %HELP
%%
Sen. Danforth:  There is nothing on the face of the album which would
                 notify you if the record has pornographics material or
                material glorifying violence?
Tipper Gore:     No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me.
Frank Zappa:       I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's
           legs on the album cover is good indication that it's
          not for little Johnny.

 -- The Senate Commerce Committee hearing on rock
                 lyrics, from The Village Voice, 6 Oct 1985
%%
Send a thief to catch a thief.
%%
Send Bill & Al packing back to the south in `96!
%%
Send Bill & Hillary back where they belong: deepest, darkest Arkansas.
%%
Send Clinton and company down the White Water rapids.
%%
Send Clinton & Co. down the WhiteWater rapids in a canoe w/o a paddle.
%%
Send Dr. Elders back to Arkansas!
%%
Send for your free Prayer Cloth, only $9.95!
%%
Send Hillary where she truly belongs -- in prison.
%%
Sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong.
%%
Send in the clowns....Why, Mr. President, what are you doing here?
%%
Send lawyers, guns, and money,
The shit has hit the fan.
 -- Warren Zevon
%%
Sendmail can safely be made setuid to root.
 -- Eric Allman, "Sendmail Install & Operation Guide"
%%
Send me $50 or I'll claim you *ucked me.
%%
Send me a buck and I'll be RICH! (I wish)
%%
Send me a dollar and I'll send 3 cents to your charity.
%%
Send me your money.
%%
Send me your tired, your poor... Oh! And a side of fries.
%%
Send money! I need to get some hockey tickets!
%%
SEND MONEY - I NEED TO GO ON VACATION!!!
%%
Send moneySUBLIMINALsend moneyTAGLINEsend money
%%
Send Monopoly Money to your Favorite TV Evangelist
%%
Send MORE Missionaries -- the last ones were DELICIOUS!
%%
Send more tourists..... the last ones were delicious!
%%
Send Rush Limbaugh to Bosnia to defend aid convoys.
%%
Send Sarah Brady for a ride with Ted Kennedy.
%%
Send some filthy mail.
%%
Send the Custodians back to Custodia where they belong!
%%
Send them home as merry as crickets.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. xxix
%%
Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474,
 San Francisco, CA 94140, USA
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Send your spare mice to SOCKS@WHITEHOUSE.GOV
%%
Seneca thinks the gods are well pleased when they see great men contending
with adversity.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 1, Subsect. 1
%%
 Senescent judges show how patriotic they are by passing out
        hard sentences for tearing up a draft card or following one's
        conscience according to the principles established by our
        country at the Nuremburg trials.
 -- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
 -- The Crazy Ape
%%
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory...
%%
Senility is when you're years beyond your wise.
%%
Senility means never having to drink just to forget.
%%
SENILITY:
     The state of mind of elderly persons with whom one happens to disagree.
%%
:senior bit: [IBM] n. Syn. {meta bit}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Senior citizens! This is good news: of memory, hearing, all the
 faculties--the last to leave us is sexual desire and the ability to make
 love. That means that long after we're wearing bifocals or hearing aids,
 we'll be making love. But we won't know with whom.
 -- Jack Paar
%%
Senior Design Engineer and Toilet Cleaning Consultant
%%
Se non e' vero, e' molto ben trovato.
[If it is not true, is very well found].
%%
Sensations, libations, that stagger the mind.
%%
SENSE: from a past time.  "It's a are sense ah had a RC!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Senseless killing is immoral, but killing for a purpose, can quite
  often be ingenious.
 -- Cyrus Redblock, "The Big Goodbye", stardate 41997.7
%%
Senseless massacre and carnage?  Where do I sign up?
%%
Sense switches and data switches should only be used as warm furry buttons:
they don't do anything but when you push them they push back, and make you feel
loved, i.e. for selective printing and tracing in debug.
%%
Sensitivity training: politically correct term for brainwashing.
%%
Sensor probe of SOL 3 reports no intelligent life.
%%
Sensors identify the creatures as "scrubbing bubbles."
%%
Sensors identify the device as a "Thigh Master", Captain.
%%
Sensors indicate an approaching FLAME front, sir!!!
%%
Sensors show a moron in this sector, Captain.
%%
Sensors show lifeforms aboard, but I am unable to ascertain whether they
  are awake or dormant. However their propulsion system is inactive so I
  would hypothesize that the crew is asleep. However, I could be in error.
 -- Data, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Sentence first -- verdict afterwards.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Sentences should be written in the active voice
when giving instructions, so that the subject of
the action can be identified clearly.
%%
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
%%
Sentimentality is a superstructure covering brutality.
 -- C. J. Jung
%%
Sentimental, Lieutenant?
Efficiency Commander.
 -- Riker and Worf, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
    Sentimental or not, I confess that the predicament of poor
Valentino touched me.  It provided grist for my mill, but I
couldn't quite enjoy it.  Here was a young man who was living
daily the dream of millions of other young men.  Here was one
who was catnip to women.  Here was one who had wealth and
fame.  And here was one who was very unhappy.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Sentiment breeds weakness, let it get hold of you and you
are dead...
 -- Avon
%%
Sentiment is intellectualized emotion,--emotion precipitated, as it
were, in pretty crystals by the fancy.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Rousseau and the Sentimentalists
%%
Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul. One brave deed is worth a
thousand books.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Sent off of a Brain Damaged Computer.
%%
SEOB: Set Every Other Bit
%%
Separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms.
 -- Bette Davis
%%
Separatists, Unite!
%%
Seppuku button--to use, fold back pin.
%%
Seppuku: unique Japanese way to let it all hang out.
%%
SEP: to omit.  "Everybody gets a RC sep yew!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Serendipities are the best kind of discoveries.
%%
SERENDIPITY:
  The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
%%
Serenely full, the epicure would say,
Fate cannot harm me,--I have dined to-day.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Recipe for Salad, p. 374
%%
Serenity through viciousness.
%%
Serfs up! - Spartacus
%%
Sergeants do it privately.
%%
Serial Interface   : A spoon.
%%
Serial killer strikes!  Mouse and modem found dead.
%%
SERIAL, n.  A literary work, usually a story that is not true,
creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.
Frequently appended to each installment is a "synposis of preceding
chapters" for those who have not read them, but a direr need is a
synposis of succeeding chapters for those who do not intend to read
_them_.  A synposis of the entire work would be still better.
    The late James F. Bowman was writing a serial tale for a weekly
paper in collaboration with a genius whose name has not come down to
us.  They wrote, not jointly but alternately, Bowman supplying the
installment for one week, his friend for the next, and so on, world
without end, they hoped.  Unfortunately they quarreled, and one Monday
morning when Bowman read the paper to prepare himself for his task, he
found his work cut out for him in a way to surprise and pain him.  His
collaborator had embarked every character of the narrative on a ship
and sunk them all in the deepest part of the Atlantic.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Serial number?  We don't need no stinkin' serial number!
%%
Serious.com corrupted. Loading Silly.com instead
%%
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Seriousness is the very next step to being dull.
%%
Serocki's Stricture:
 Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
%%
Serology: Study of English Knighthood
%%
Servant of God, well done; well hast thou fought
The better fight.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vi, Line 29
%%
Serve Coke or RC with meat; 7-Up or Sprite with fish, Dr. Pepper with
 game...
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
:server: n. A kind of {daemon} that performs a service for the
   requester and which often runs on a computer other than the one on
   which the server runs.  A particularly common term on the Internet,
   which is rife with `name servers', `domain servers', `news
   servers', `finger servers', and the like.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Serve The Computer!
%%
Service: 1) What a bull does with a cow. 2) What the Phone Co. provides
%%
SERVICE AND CLAIMS: Midnight to 2 AM.
%%
Service...
Giving what you don't have to give.
Giving when you don't need to give.
Giving because you want to give.
 -- Damien Hess
%%
Service is no heritage.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Service with a snarl.
%%
Service you do for others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.
 -- Muhammad Ali, in "Time", 1978
%%
Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years.
%%
Serv. Where dwellest thou?
Should never get here
Cor. Under the canopy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
Sesame Street is a production of the Children's Television Workshop.
%%
Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letter 'e'
and by the number 2.718281828459045
%%
Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letter 'Pi'
and by the number 3.14159
%%
Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letters 'O' and 'S'
and by the number 2.
%%
Session complete. Neural links terminated. Have a nice day.
%%
SESUR: Sing Elvis Songs Until he Returns
%%
Set a beggar on horseback and he will ride a gallop.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2
%%
Set all at sixe and seven.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
SET COLDBEER.CAN=C:\FRIDGE
%%
Set free the bears! And the pandas!
%%
Set high standards and few limitations for yourself.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Set mode=Extremely verbose
%%
Set phasers to extreme itching!
%%
SETS    Set to Self.
%%
Set the cart before the horse.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
Set the channel changer to "STUN", Scotty.
%%
Set theorists do it with cardinals.
%%
Set thine house in order.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxxviii, 1
%%
Setting as good example for children
takes all the fun out of the middle age.
 -- William Feather
%%
Setting right what has been spoiled by the father.
If there is a son,
No blame rests upon the departed father.
Danger. In the end good fortune.
%%
Setting right what has been spoiled by the father.
One meets with praise.
%%
Setting right what has been spoiled by the father.
There will be little remorse. No great blame.
%%
Setting right what has been spoiled by the mother.
One must not be too persevering.
%%
Settle this first who moved the stone?
%%
[ setup: MTV has a show called Unplugged where popular musicians perform
without the benefit of electric instruments. ]

Last night we were watching MTV when they ran an ad for an upcoming
show called "Paul McCartney Unplugged."

My wife looks up at the TV and asks, "wouldn't he die?"
%%
Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth.
 -- New Testament
 -- Colossians iii, 2
%%
Set your course for our home planet of Alderaan.
%%
Seven cities warred for Homer being dead,
Who living had no roofe to shrowd his head.
 -- Thomas Heywood (c. 1574-1641)
 -- Hierarchie of the Blessed Angells
%%
Seven: " Dad, what's retirement?"
Al:    " It's when a woman marries and a man dies"
%%
Seven: " Dad, where do babies come from?"
Al:    " Normally, a 6-pack and 2 horny teenagers"
%%
Seven days without laughter makes one weak.
 -- Mort Walker
%%
Seven-eighths of everything can't be seen.
 -- Marshall's generalized iceberg theorem
%%
Seven hours to law, to soothing slumber seven,
Ten to the world allot, and all to heaven.
%%
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is good gifts.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Seven seconds behind, and built to stay that way.
%%
Seven Wells On-Line - Makers of Greedy!
%%
"Seven years and six months!"  Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully.
 "An uncomfortable sort of age.  Now if you'd asked my advice, I'd
have said `Leave off at seven' -- but it's too late now."
"I never ask advice about growing,"  Alice said indignantly.
"Too proud?" the other enquired. Alice felt even more indignant at
this suggestion.
"I mean," she said, "that one can't help growing older."
"ONE can't, perhaps," said Humpty Dumpty; "but TWO can.  With proper
assistance, you might have left off at seven."
 -- Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832-98), English writer,
mathematician
%%
Seven years of college, down the drain.
 -- John Blutarski
%%
Several errant electrons jumped when they shouldn't have at a place
they shouldn't have, resulting in what shouldn't have. In short, a short.
 -- Bloom County
%%
Several excuses are always less convincing than one.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Several feet away is a warm pair of gloves.
%%
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
%%
Several old bugs have been superseded by new ones.
 -- GNUplot README file
%%
SEVERALTY, n.  Separateness, as, lands in severalty, i.e., lands held
individually, not in joint ownership.  Certain tribes of Indians are
believed now to be sufficiently civilized to have in severalty the
lands that they have hitherto held as tribal organizations, and could
not sell to the Whites for waxen beads and potato whiskey.

    Lo! the poor Indian whose unsuited mind
    Saw death before, hell and the grave behind;
    Whom thrifty settler ne'er besought to stay --
    His small belongings their appointed prey;
    Whom Dispossession, with alluring wile,
    Persuaded elsewhere every little while!
    His fire unquenched and his undying worm
    By "land in severalty" (charming term!)
    Are cooled and killed, respectively, at last,
    And he to his new holding anchored fast!
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a
big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at
reasonable prices?  Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's
build a home center.  And before long home centers were springing up
like crabgrass all over the United States.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
Severe Error 102: Insufficient Coffee, Operator Halted.
%%
Severe interest penalty for early withdrawal.
%%
sevlesruO otnI rorriM a erA steP dlohesuoH
%%
Sewing at once a double thread,
  A shroud as well as a shirt.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Song of the Shirt
%%
"Sex alleviates tension.  Marriage causes it."
 -- Woody Allen, "A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy"
%%
Sex and Drugs and Rock and Role-Playing!
%%
Sex and Drugs and Rock'n'Roll . . .
%%
Sex and Drugs and Unix
%%
Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; between 5 it's
fantastic ...
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between
 the right man and the right woman...
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Sex causes cancer.  We'd wipe out cancer in one generation if no one had sex.
%%
:sex changer: n. Syn. {gender mender}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.
%%
Sex drives me crazy! Others too!
%%
Sex, drugs, and rock and roll can't compare to buggy software.
%%
Sex, drugs, and Rock n Roll BBS
%%
Sex & Drugs & Rock'n Roll
Is all my body wants.
%%
Sex education classes are like in-home sales parties for abortions.
 -- Phyllis Schlafly
%%
Sex education classes in our public schools are promoting incest.
 -- Jimmy Swaggart, TV preacher, self-described pornography addict who paid
     prostitutes to commit pornographic acts, hypocrite
%%
Sex God Teddy Bear
%%
Sex has no calories.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Sex in marriage is like medicine. Three times a day for the first week.
 Then once a day for another week. Then once every three or four days until
 the condition clears up.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
Sex: In one end & out the same. Unless it's SF!
%%
Sex in space, what a concept!
%%
Sex in the sixties is great, but it
improves if you pull over to the side of the road.
 -- Carson's Observation on Geriatrics
%%
 "Sex In The Vatican" by Ho Lee Fuk
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Sex is 90 per cent in the head.
%%
Sex is a disrobic experience.
%%
Sex is all right but it's not as good as the real thing.
%%
Sex is a misdemeaner sport:  De more I miss, De meaner I get!
%%
Sex is a momentary itch,
Love never lets you go.
 -- Kingsley Amis
%%
Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
%%
Sex is a pleasurable exercise in plumbing, but be careful or you'll get
 yeast in your drain tap.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
Sex is bad for one.  - But it's very good for two.
%%
Sex is beautiful.
%%
Sex is best in the afternoon after coming out of the shower.
%%
Sex is better than reading; no overdue fines.
 Jean-Luc Picard
%%
Sex is cleaner with a packaged Weiner.
%%
Sex is dirty only if it is done right.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Sex is evil. Sex is sin. Sex is forgiven. Sex is in!
%%
Sex is GREAT!
%%
Sex is hardly a fitting subject for the dinner table.
Or, indeed..._any_ table.
....Except perhaps a table at a brothel. (Edmund kicks Percy off chair)
 -- Lady Whiteadder, Edmund and Percy : Beer
%%
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are
 you won't either.
 -- Joseph Fischer
%%
Sex is just a sublimation of the math urge.
%%
Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is
needed.
%%
Sex is like air.  It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
%%
Sex is like an industrial film covered in fur...
%%
Sex is like money - very nice to have but vulgar to talk about.
%%
Sex is like riding a bicycle.  Pump up and down, harder, faster...
%%
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or
 how long it is going to last.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
'Sex is like software: For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds
getting it free.'
And for everybody that gets it for free there are thousands talking
about how great it would be to get it.
%%
Sex is like wine, it gets better with age!
%%
Sex is low in calories, and *oooh* that aftertaste!
%%
Sex is natural, but not if it's done right!
%%
Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'.
%%
Sex is nobody's business but me and my teddy bear's
%%
Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved.
%%
Sex is nothing but Love misunderstood.
%%
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
 -- Swami X
%%
Sex isn't the best nor the worst thing in the world.
%%
Sex is one damp thing after another.
%%
Sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome, and natural things that money
 can buy.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation...
 the other eight are unimportant.
 -- Henry Miller
%%
Sex is only a pain in the arse if you miss
%%
Sex is only as good as you make it.
%%
Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.
%%
Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.
%%
Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
 M. C. Reed.
%%
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
%%
Sex is the poor man's opera.
 -- G. B. Shaw
%%
Sex is.  There is nothing more to be done about it.  Sex builds no
roads, writes no novels and sex certainly gives no meaning to anything
in life but itself.
 -- Gore Vidal (b. 1925)
%%
SEXIST??!! No! I'm just a huperbiped..
%%
Sex is what women have and men want.
%%
Sex! Lies! Drugs! Money! Power! Corruption! Man, I love Congress!
%%
Sex?: (M)ale, (F)emale, (S)ometimes
%%
Sex (n.): Bags used for the storage of potatoes.
%%
SEX:Pleasure/Fleeting;Cost/Exorbitant;Position/Ridiculous
%%
SEX: Set EXecution register
%%
Sex, sex, ducks!  Don't ask...
%%
Sex, Sex, Sex... the pleasure of having a 1 track mind.
%%
Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys. Lazarus Long
%%
SEX: Sign EXtend
%%
SEX - Spawn EXec (create child process)
%%
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of
 trouble.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Sextant:  place to have fun on a camping trip
%%
Sex: The most fun you can have with your clothes off.
%%
Sex: The most fun you can have with your clothes on.
%%
Sex - the poor man's polo.
%%
:Sexual Habits:

Hackerdom easily tolerates a much wider range of sexual and lifestyle
variation than the mainstream culture.  It includes a relatively large
gay and bisexual contingent.  Hackers are somewhat more likely to live
in polygynous or polyandrous relationships, practice open marriage, or
live in communes or group houses.  In this, as in general appearance,
hackerdom semi-consciously maintains `counterculture' values.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sexual Harrasment starts at the office.
%%
Sexually focused. chronologically-gifted individual and proud of it!
%%
Sexual mistakes are purely erogenous.
%%
Sexual stimulation only feels good if you do it...
%%
Sexual therapists think the whole problem is we don't communicate enough.
 Dr. Ruth says as women we should tell our lovers how to make love to us. My
 boyfriend goes nuts if I tell him how to Drive!
 -- Pam Stone
%%
Sex, unix & rock-n-roll.
%%
Sex when you're married is like going to a 7-Eleven. There's not as
 much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
 -- Carol Leifer
%%
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one
 of the best.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
 -- Robert Heinlein
%%
 (Sexy, slow female voice:)  oooOOOO, Greg's in...  OOOOooo,
 Greg's out...  ooooOOOOO, Greg's in...  OOOoooo, Greg's out...
 ooooOOOOO, Greg's in...  Humph, Greg's busy, you had better call
 back later...
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
Sexy: Uses feather. Kinky: Uses entire chicken.
%%
Sexy women are nature's way of saying, "Keep it up!"
%%
SFA: Seek Financial Assistance
%%
SFH: Set Flags to Half-mast
%%
SFP: Send For Pizza
%%
SFR: Send For Reinforcements
%%
S.F.'S NO GOOD!! They bellow till we're deaf.
 But this looks good.      WELL THEN IT'S NOT S.F.!!
 -- Kingsley Amis
%%
SFT: Stall For Time
%%
SFTT: Strip Form Tractor Teeth
%%
SGD: Spin and Granulate Disks
%%
SGP: Shit or Get off the Pot
%%
SG: Show Garbage
%%
SHABM: SHift A Bit More
%%
SHAB: SHift A Bit
%%
Shade, unperceiv'd, so softening into shade.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- Hymn, Line 25
%%
Shadowdale - Level don't count when yer dead.
%%
Shadows of the morning light
 Shadows of the evening sun
 Until the shadows and the lights were one.
 -- Jane's Addiction "Three Days"
%%
Shake, a man of note, wrote so many things to quote.
%%
Shake and shake
The catsup bottle,
None will come,
And then a lot'll.
 -- Richard Armour
%%
Shake dat booty baby...
%%
Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds
are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her
tribunal for every fact, every opinion.  Question with boldness even
the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve
of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to Peter Carr, Aug. 10, 1787
%%
Shakes his ambrosial curls, and gives the nod,--
The stamp of fate, and sanction of the god.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book i, Line 684
%%
Shakespearean scholars do it... or don't do it, that is the question....
%%
Shakespearecomm...transmits up to 14,400 bard
%%
Shakespeare is not our poet, but the world's,--
Therefore on him no speech! And brief for thee,
Browning! Since Chaucer was alive and hale,
No man hath walk'd along our roads with steps
So active, so inquiring eye, or tongue
So varied in discourse.
 -- Walter Savage Landor (1775-1864)
 -- To Robert Browning
%%
Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then.
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Shakespeare was right!
%%
Shakespeare wrote great poetry and preposterous plays. Who really cares, for
example, which petty tyrant rules Milan? Or who succeeds to the throne of
Denmark? Or why the barons ganged up on Richard II?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Shakespearian logic <with 2B and ^2B leading into an or
gate>
%%
SHAKE WELL.
%%
Shake well before using.
%%
Shake yo' medicine rattle...
%%
Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall ...
%%
Shaky Knees: Cliff Diver
%%
Shall have the chinks.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Shall I ask the brave soldier who fights by my side
In the cause of mankind, if our creeds agree?
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Come, send round the Wine
%%
Shall I bend low, and in a bondman's key,
With bated breath and whispering humbleness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Shall I bid her goe? What if I doe?
  Shall I bid her goe and spare not?
  Oh no, No. no! I dare not.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Corydon's Farewell to Phillis
%%
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? - Cold, wet and miserable.
%%
Shall ignorance of good and ill
Dare to direct the eternal will?
Seek virtue, and of that possest,
To Providence resign the rest.
 -- Gay (1688-1732)
%%
Shall I, like an hermit, dwell
On a rock or in a cell?
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- Poem
%%
Shall I never see a bachelor of threescore again?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?...

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
 -- T. S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
%%
Shall I show you the muscular training of a philosopher? "What muscles
are those?"--A will undisappointed; evils avoided; powers daily exercised;
careful resolutions; unerring decisions.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Wherein consists the Essence of Good,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. viii
%%
Shall I sing you the Ode to Joy?
%%
Shall I take you to a restaurant that's got glass tables?
You can watch yourself while you are eating!
%%
Shall I tell you what true evil is? It is to submit to you. It is when
  we surrender our freedom, our dignity, instead of defying you.
 -- Picard to Armus, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
Shall I, wasting in despair,
  Die because a woman 's fair?
Or make pale my cheeks with care,
  'Cause another's rosy are?
Be she fairer than the day,
Or the flowery meads in May,
  If she be not so to me,
  What care I how fair she be?
 -- George Wither (1588-1667)
 -- The Shepherd's Resolution
%%
Shallow men believe in luck.
 -- Emerson
%%
Shallowness is a luxury, perhaps the ultimate luxury.
%%
Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe
a man from the career of his humour? No, the world must be peopled.
When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live
till I were married.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Shall victor exult, or in death be laid low,
With his back to the field and his feet to the foe,
And leaving in battle no blot on his name,
Look proudly to heaven from the death-bed of fame.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Lochiel's Warning
%%
Shall we dance?
%%
"Shall we go down and give blood?"
"Oh, I don't want a great bat flapping round my neck."
 -- Monty Python
%%
Shall we go there now or remain and play?
Play?
At love. Unless you don't enjoy that.
 -- Rivan and Riker, "Justice", stardate 41255.6
%%
Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight:
always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?
 -- J. M. Barrie
%%
Shalom Shalame=Live long and prosper!
%%
:shambolic link: /sham-bol'ik link/ n. A UNIX symbolic link,
   particularly when it confuses you, points to nothing at all, or
   results in your ending up in some completely unexpected part of the
   filesystem....
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race.
 -- Robert Preston [Toddy], "Victor/Victoria"
%%
Shame is an ornament to the young, a disgrace to the old.
%%
Shampiquefy: diluting shampoo so that you don't have to buy more yet.
%%
SHAMPOO
  Although shampoo is designed to clean hair, its name gives away its
  true make-up: artificial shit. For centuries the aristocracy
  continually got very annoyed, and beheaded the shit-sodden peasants
  for having less dandruff than they did. Then about two hundred
  years ago they realised that mixing shit into your hair was
  actually one of the best ways to get rid of dandruff. Of course,
  the cosmetics companies couldn't market real shit as a hair
  cleaner, so chemists came up with an artificial version.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
SHAMROCK: Cubic zirconia.
%%
Shamus, n. [Yiddish]:
 A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the
temple, and makes sure everything is in working order.
 A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagog
functionaries, and there's a joke about that:
      A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the
middle of a service, Oh, Lord, I am nobody!    The cantor, not to be
bested, also cries out, Oh, Lord, I am nobody!
      The shamus, deeply moved, follows suit and cries, Oh, Lord, I
am nobody!    The rabbi turns to the cantor and says, Look who thinks
he's nobody!
 -- Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish
%%
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na ... get a job.
%%
Shan tags have been found to correlate with Michael disease.
%%
:sharchive: /shar'ki:v/ [UNIX and USENET; from /bin/sh archive]
   n. A {flatten}ed representation of a set of one or more files,
   with the unique property that it can be unflattened (the original
   files restored) by feeding it through a standard UNIX shell; thus,
   a sharchive can be distributed to anyone running UNIX, and no
   special unpacking software is required.  Sharchives are also
   intriguing in that they are typically created by shell scripts; the
   script that produces sharchives is thus a script which produces
   self-unpacking scripts, which may themselves contain scripts.  (The
   downsides of sharchives are that they are an ideal venue for
   {Trojan horse} attacks and that, for recipients not running
   UNIX, no simple un-sharchiving program is possible; sharchives can
   and do make use of arbitrarily-powerful shell features.)
   Sharchives are also commonly referred to as `shar files' after the
   name of the most common program for generating them.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Shards of a broken mirror are dangerous to play with.
%%
:Share and enjoy!: imp. 1. Commonly found at the end of software
   release announcements and {README file}s, this phrase indicates
   allegiance to the hacker ethic of free information sharing (see
   {hacker ethic, the}, sense 1).  2. The motto of the Sirius
   Cybernetics Corporation (the ultimate gaggle of incompetent
   {suit}s) in Douglas Adams's "Hitch Hiker's Guide to the
   Galaxy".  The irony of using this as a cultural recognition signal
   appeals to freeware hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Share And Enjoy - or Go Stick Your Head In A Pig
%%
Share and enjoy,
Share and enjoy,
Journey through life with a plastic boy or
Girl by your side, let your pal be your guide,
And when it breaks down or starts to annoy or
Grinds when it moves and give you no joy,
When it eats up your hat, has sex with your cat,
                          [never was sure about that line...]
Sprays fire on your wall and rips off your door
And you get to the point you can't stand any more -
Bring it to us, we won't give a fig;
We'll tell you... (da da daaa)
Go stick your head in a pig (da da daaa).
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
'Share and Enjoy' - that's my motto.
%%
Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased.
%%
Share everything.  Don't take things that aren't yours.  Put things
back where you found them.
 -- Robert Fulghum
%%
SHARE:
        n. Give in, endure humiliation.
%%
Share some with me, you guys are being too shellfish!
%%
Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
%%
Shareware Error 399 - No help or documentation available whatsoever.
%%
Shareware? Isn't that my old High School girlfriend?
%%
Shareware: it only works if you pay.
%%
:shareware: /sheir'weir/ n. {Freeware} (sense 1) for which the
   author requests some payment, usually in the accompanying
   documentation files or in an announcement made by the software
   itself.  Such payment may or may not buy additional support or
   functionality.  See also {careware}, {charityware},
   {crippleware}, {guiltware}, {postcardware}, and
   {-ware}; compare {payware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Shareware will remain a viable marketing method as long as the users who can't
live without a Shareware product realize that the Authors can't LIVE without
their registration.
%%
Sharewear (n.) -- Used clothing.
%%
Share your happiness with others today.
%%
Sharing an orbit with god is no small experience.
 -- Troi, "Justice", stardate 41255.6
%%
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off
during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
 -- Dave Barry, Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every
             Teen Should Know
%%
Sharp 's the word with her.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue iii
%%
Sharp swords are one thing; sharp words are quite another
%%
Shatner, when the wig fell.
%%
Shave daily with Occam's razor.
%%
Shave the whales.
%%
Shaving is a human art form, Data. Technological perfection can shave
  too close.
 -- Geordi, "Code of Honor", stardate 41235.25
%%
shawangunks: gunks that belong to shawans.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Sha-ZAM sirrah!
%%
Shazbot.
 -- Mork from Ork
%%
SHB: Stop and Hang Bus
%%
SHCD: SHuffle Card Deck
%%
She aches, just like a woman...
%%
"She ain't much to see, but she looks good thru the bottom of a glass"
 -- Stupid country song titles #2
%%
She always tells stories in the present vindictive.
%%
She and comparisons are odious.
 -- Dr. John Donne (1573-1631)
 -- Elegy 8, The Comparison
%%
She asked me if I loved her still.  Yes, I replied.
I've never had you any other way.
%%
She balanced dignity on the tip of her nose.
%%
She broke your ribs giving you a backrub?
%%
She brought forth butter in a lordly dish.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, 25
%%
She came in through the bathroom window.
 -- Fab Four
%%
She canna take anneh more, Cap'n!
%%
She canna take much moor Captin...
%%
She can't take much more, she's gonna BLOW!
 -- Scotty
%%
She can wade in a drop of dew.  She don't come and I don't follow,
 ..waits backstage while I sing to you.
 -- The Grateful Dead
%%
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door
open again.
%%
She contradicts me even when I don't say anything!
 -- Bill Hoest
%%
She could have had as fulfilling a life as any woman.  If only...  if only.
 -- Kirk, "Turnabout Intruder," stardate 5923.5.
%%
She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
%%
She developed a persistent troubled frown which gave her the expression
of someone who is trying to repair a watch with his gloves on.
 -- James Thurber (1894-1961)
%%
She devotes her spare time to neglecting duties.
%%
She did not seduce, she ravished.
 -- George Meredith, Diana of the Crossways
%%
She doeth little kindnesses
Which most leave undone, or despise.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- My Love, iv
%%
Sheeelaalah...I've got Bob down on his knees.
%%
Shee had seene far in a milstone.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
Sheep are best!
%%
Sheep do it when led astray.
%%
Sheep don't fly as much as Plummet.
%%
Sheepish voters beget wolfish politicians.
%%
Sheep, like people, are ungovernable when hungry...
 -- John Muir
%%
sheepskin seatcovers/winter warm and summer cool/little lambs no more
 -- Sheep haiku
%%
Sheer necessity,--the proper parent of an art so nearly allied to invention.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Sheer terror:  Ensign Ro with PMS...
%%
Sheesh!...the neanderthals that I'm coming across!
%%
Sheesh!  You start havin' fun, and they send the lawyers!
%%
Sheets can be kept clean by getting drunk and falling asleep with your
 clothes on.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Sheet short of a paper airplane
%%
She floats upon the river of his thoughts.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Spanish Student, Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
She frieth in her owne grease.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
She got drunker, and drunker... and then she became Joan Collins!
 -- Hannah and Her Sisters
%%
She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power
of speech.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
She had once been a Catholic, but discovering that priests were
infinitely more attentive when she was in the process of leaving or
regaining faith in Mother church, she maintained an enchantingly
wavering attitude.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940)
%%
She has a 80386 mouth with a 8088 brain.
%%
She has a body that won't quit;
the problem is getting it started in the first place.
%%
She has a difficult choice in front of her, has she not?
...Not really. Bad luck, Mellchers.
 -- Ludwig and Edmund : Chains
%%
She has an alarm clock and a phone that don't ring - they applaud.
%%
She has a really opulent body; just ripe for dissecting.
%%
She has as much originality as a Xerox machine.
 -- Laurence J. Peter.
%%
She has been under more drunken sailors than a naval head.
%%
She has more goodness in her little finger than he has in his whole body.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
She has seen the mystery hid
Under Egypt's pyramid:
By those eyelids pale and close
Now she knows what Rhamses knows.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Little Mattie, Stanza ii
%%
She hates testicles, thus limiting the men she can admire to Democratic
candidates for president.
 -- John Greenway, The American Tradition, on feminist
                    Elizabeth Gould Davis
%%
She hugg'd the offender, and forgave the offence:
Sex to the last.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Cymon and Iphigenia, Line 367
%%
She is an excellent creature, but she can never remember which came first,
the Greeks or the Romans.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli, of his wife
%%
She is a stone cold bitch.
%%
She is a winsome wee thing,
She is a handsome wee thing,
She is a bonny wee thing,
This sweet wee wife o' mine.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- My Wife 's a Winsome Wee Thing
%%
She is a woman, therefore may be woo'd;
She is a woman, therefore may be won;
She is Lavinia, therefore must be loved.
What, man! more water glideth by the mill
Than wots the miller of;
Of a cut loaf to steal a shive.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Titus Andronicus
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
She is blonde, tall, beautiful, and as a Z80 for a brain.
%%
She is capable of running over 60 trillion calculation a second, and you
  have her working as a cocktail waitress.
 -- Admiral Haftel about Lal, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
 -- Gypsy Rose Lee
%%
She is from a world now alien to me.
 -- Worf
%%
She is mine own,
And I as rich in having such a jewel
As twenty seas, if all their sand were pearl,
The water nectar, and the rocks pure gold.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
She is nether fish nor flesh, nor good red herring.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
She is not fair to outward view
As many maidens be:
Her loveliness I never knew
Until she smiled on me.
 -- Hartley Coleridge
%%
She is not refined.  She is not unrefined.  She keeps a parrot.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
She is pretty to walk with,
And witty to talk with,
And pleasant, too, to think on.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- Brennoralt, Act ii
%%
She is so fat, he danced with her for half an hour before he realized she
 was still sitting down.
 -- Ed Wynn
%%
She is so flat her baby had to nurse with a straw.
%%
She is the treasure of the house.
Great good fortune.
%%
She is what moves in the soul of a dove.
 -- Deep Purple
%%
She just lost ten pounds, she brushed her teeth.
%%
She just, turns around and disappear. I kinda like that style.
%%
She knows her man, and when you rant and swear,
Can draw you to her with a single hair.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Persius, Satire v, Line 246
%%
She laments,...her husband goes this morning a-birding.
%%
Shelby: "All you know how to do is play it safe."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Shelby: "Captain Riker, based on our past relationship, there's no
reason for me  to expect to becoming your first officer except that
you need me.  I know how  to get things done and I have the expertise
on the Borg." Riker: "And you have a lot to learn, Commander." Shelby:
"Yes, sir." Riker: "Almost as much as I had to learn when I came onboard
as Captain Picard's  first officer.  A fact he reminded me of when
I commented on what a pain-in-  the-neck you were." Shelby: "Yes,
sir."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Shelby: "Captain, the Borg have entered Sector 001."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Shelby: "Data was available.  I took him, we came."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Shelby: "Fire antimatter spread."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Shelby: "I'd say we're looking at a self-destruct sequence initiated
by the  Borg's malfunction.  Do you want us to attempt to disarm it?"
Beverly: "There's no way to know what the destruction of the Borg
ship will do  to him." Data: "We should also consider the advantages
of further examination of the Borg  and their vessel, sir." Riker:
"I don't think so."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Shelby: "If you cannot make the big decisions, Commander, I suggest you make
  room for someone who can."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Shelby: "I hope I have the fortune of serving with you again, sir."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Shelby: "I imagine you'll have your choice of any Starfleet command, sir."
Riker: "Everyone is so concerned about my next job.  With all due respect,
  Commander,"  [To Picard]  "Sir, my career plans are my own business, and no
  one else's.  but it's nice to know I have a few options."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Shelby: "Shelby to Enterprise, we've found the captain's uniform and his
  communicator.  We're resuming our search."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Shelby: "The main navigational deflector is functional again.  Sherman and
  Barclay are running through the final testing sequence now."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44001.4
%%
Shelby: "There's no doubt anymore.  It is the Borg."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
Shelby: "The Tolstoi...the Kyushu...the Melbourne."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Shelby: "They act as a single mind."
Riker: "One of them jumps off a cliff, they all jump off?"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Shelby: "Try the power systems, Data.  See if you can get them to power down."
Data: "Acknowledged.  Attempting new power subcommand path."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Shelby: "We were unable to retrieve him, sir.  The captain has been altered by
  the Borg."
Riker: "'Altered'?"
Worf: "He *is* a Borg!"
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds", Stardate unknown
%%
:shelfware: /shelfweir/ n. Software purchased on a whim (by an
   individual user) or in accordance with policy (by a corporation or
   government agency), but not actually required for any particular
   use.  Therefore, it often ends up on some shelf.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sheliak: "The law is paramount."
 -- "The Ensigns Of Command", Stardate unknown
%%
She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them were bad.
%%
She lives a sophisticate's life among worldly people. At the slightest
excuse she steps out of civilization, naked and relieved, as I should step
out of a soiled chemise.
 -- Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, Cross Creek
%%
She'll be a P... C... user! Got disks in her drives!
%%
She'll have fun, fun, fun, 'til her daddy takes her charge card away.
%%
She'll have fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes the T-bird away.
%%
:shell: [orig. {{Multics}} techspeak, widely propagated via UNIX] n.
   1. [techspeak] The command interpreter used to pass commands to an
   operating system; so called because it is the part of the operating
   system that interfaces with the outside world.  2. More generally,
   any interface program that mediates access to a special resource
   or {server} for convenience, efficiency, or security reasons; for
   this meaning, the usage is usually `a shell around' whatever.
   This sort of program is also called a `wrapper'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:shell out: [UNIX] n. To spawn an interactive subshell from within
   a program (e.g., a mailer or editor).  "Bang foo runs foo in a
   subshell, while bang alone shells out."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
She'll prophesy your death but she won't say when.
%%
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy?  Shell to DOS...
%%
Shell to DOS...Shell to Dos...Come in Dos...Oh no...
%%
She looketh as butter would not melt in her mouth.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the
bread of idleness.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxxi, 27
%%
She looks as if butter wou'dn't melt in her mouth.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
She looks so good, she makes a dead man come.
 -- Tom Waits
%%
She loves you.
%%
She loves you as much as she can (which isn't very much).
%%
"Shelter", what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.
%%
She may guess what I should perform in the wet, if I do so much in the dry.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
She may very well pass for forty-three in the dusk with a light behind her.
%%
She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could
have poured on a waffle ...
%%
She moves a goddess, and she looks a queen.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iii, Line 208
%%
She neglects her heart who studies her glass.
 -- Lavater
%%
She offered her honor.
 He honored her offer.
And all night long it was honor and offer!
%%
She often gave herself very good advice [though she very seldom followed it].
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
She opened her mouth and I showed her what it was for.
%%
She passes by her ancestor
And meets her ancestress.
He does not reach his prince
And meets the official.
No blame.
%%
She pays him in his own coin.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue iii
%%
She poured sugar in the gastank of my heart!
%%
She ran the whole gamut of emotions from A to B.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), of Katharine Hepburn in a Broadway play
%%
She really wasn't my type -- a hard-looking, untalented reporter for the
local cat-box liner; but the first second that that third-rate representative
of the fourth estate cracked open a new fifth of old Scotch, my sixth sense
said seventh heaven was as close as an eighth note from Beethoven's Ninth
Symphony, so, nervous as a tenth grader drowning in eleventh-hour cramming
for a physics exam, I swept her into my longing arms, and while humming The
Twelfth of Never, I got lucky on Friday the thirteenth.
 -- William Buddy Ocheltree, Georgia
%%
Sherlock Holmes was a drug addict without a single amiable trait.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

You're not exactly Little Mary Sunshine yourself, Bernie.
 -- Moi
%%
Sherman, set the Way-Back Machine for 1492!
%%
Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have
taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.   Such an
excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
 Sherwood Forest.  Which dear do you want?
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
She's 18 and very loose. Too bad it's 18 in dog years.
%%
She 's adorned
Amply that in her husband's eye looks lovely,--
The truest mirror that an honest wife
Can see her beauty in.
 -- John Tobin (1770-1804)
 -- The Honeymoon, Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
She's a good Sheila, Bruce, and not at all stuck up.
%%
She said "Have a nice day", but I had other plans.....
%%
She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'.   I said, `That's nothing,
you should hear me play piano.'
 -- Morrisey
%%
She said I should think of her like a sister.
I said I did, but not my sister.
%%
She said she had nothing to wear.  I smiled.
%%
She said she would go through anything for me and she wanted to start
with my bank book.
%%
She said she would love me till the end of time.  But then she said my
time was up.
%%
She said she wouldn't keep my company unless I owned it.
%%
She's ALIVE, Jim!  Pass the Trojans!
%%
She's a May bride, she may or may not get married.
%%
She's a natural blonde.  Please speak slowly.
%%
She's a nice girl and all, but she's just a few sandwiches short of a good
 picnic.
 -- Ms. Opal
%%
She's a very dominant woman; she walks on the ground I worship
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
She's a virgin child with deviant dreams.
%%
She saw a sign saying, "Wet Floor." So she did!
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
She says hello, you fool, I love you.
%%
She 's beautiful, and therefore to be wooed;
She is a woman, therefore to be won.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.
%%
She's dead Jim, but still warm.  Wanna flip a coin?
%%
She's dead, Jim.  Now get off her.
 -- McCoy
%%
She's dying, Doctor.
 -- Sharaz Jek
%%
She sells cshs by the cshore.
%%
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
%%
She's fine, upstanding, and wonderful laying down.
%%
She's fragile as a string of pearls... she's nobody's girl.
 -- Bonnie Raitt
%%
She's genuinely bogus.
%%
She's got a few bad sectors in her hard drive.
%%
She's got her lugnuts rattling in her hubcaps.
%%
She's got rhythm, she's got something I need...
%%
She's got the personality of a halibut.
%%
She's got what I call bobsled looks: going downhill fast.
%%
she shells
(shee shelz) n. pl.: plastic tampon applicators washed up on the beach
%%
She's his possession. If Hugh'd been discovered making off with the spoons,
Sinistrad'd probably be just as mad.
 -- Haplo, "Dragon Wing"
%%
She shoots <yes women can shoot< She SCORES!!!
 -- Hockey can be like sex
%%
She should get more credit than Tracy Chapman, but she's not always
politically correct, and if there's one thing the music industry can't stand
it's a talented black female folk/rocker who is NOT politically correct."
 -- Anton C Shepps
%%
She should have died hereafter;
There would have been a time for such a word.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life 's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
She should not follow her whims.
She must attend within to the food.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
%%
She's human...well, she's a lawyer, but reasonably human.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
She's learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time
putting into words.
%%
She's leaving with your friend
Disco Boy, that's the way it goes
So wipe you nose
And try again to get a little pussy tomorrow
 -- Zappa, "Disco Boy"
%%
She's like a rose to me. They smell and so does she.
 -- Homer Haynes
%%
She 's no chicken; she 's on the wrong side of thirty, if she be a day.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
She's not a gossip, just an interesting news source!
%%
She's not a very good wrestler, but you should see her box.
%%
She spreads as easy as butter on hot corn on the cob!
%%
She's so fat, she doesn't have measurements:  she has time zones.
%%
She's so self-centered she occupies a special place in her heart.
%%
She's so tough she won't take 'yes' for an answer.
%%
She's so ugly that not even the tide would take her out.
%%
She's such a hypochondriac she cooks with penicillin.
 -- Betty Walker
%%
She stares off alone into the night
With the eyes of one who hates for just being born.
 -- Badlands, "Racing In The Street" from "Darkness On The Edge of Town"
%%
She states that her husband took downers and she took uppers so the
relationship did not work out.
%%
She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
 -- Mae West
%%
She's the kind of woman who lets bygones be 'I told you so's.'
%%
She's the one.
%%
She's the only girl in the world who can burn a stove ... Eating her
 cooking is like playing Russian roulette. I never know which meal is going
 to kill me.
 -- Harvey Stone
%%
She's the original good time that was had by all!
%%
She stood breast-high amid the corn
Clasp'd by the golden light of morn,
Like the sweetheart of the sun,
Who many a glowing kiss had won.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Ruth
%%
She thanks you kindly, turns away
%%
She that asks
Her dear five hundred friends.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 642
%%
She that paints her face thinks of her tail.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
She that was ever fair and never proud,
Had tongue at will, and yet was never loud.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
She thinks she loves you.
%%
She thinks that she could easily win your heart.
%%
She, though in full-blown flower of glorious beauty,
Grows cold even in the summer of her age.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Oedipus, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
She twists and she whirls as she dances it all away...
%%
She used to love her heroin but now she's under ground
 -- Guns 'n Roses
%%
She [virtue] requires a rough and stormy passage; she will have either
outward difficulties to wrestle with,
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xi, Of Cruelty
%%
She walks in beauty, like the night
  Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
  Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
  Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Hebrew Melodies, She walks in Beauty
%%
She walks the waters like a thing of life,
And seems to dare the elements to strife.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto i, Stanza 3
%%
She wanted a fur coat so he got her a trap and a gun.
%%
She was 102. She didn't have wrinkles, she had pleats ... There's one
 advantage to being 102. There's no peer pressure.
 -- Dennis Wolfberg
%%
She was a form of life and light
That seen, became a part of sight,
And rose, where'er I turn'd mine eye,
The morning-star of memory!
Yes, love indeed is light from heaven;
  A spark of that immortal fire
With angels shared, by Alla given,
  To lift from earth our low desire.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 1127
%%
She was an earthly woman, so I treated her like dirt.
%%
She was another one of his near Mrs.
%%
She was a rich girl--breast-fed by caterers.
 -- Bill Scheft
%%
She was a rum runner's daughter, and I love her still.
%%
She was asking her insurance agent: 'If I were to take out a $250,000
insurance policy on my husband and he should die the next day, what
would I get?' He answered, 'Life.'
%%
She was a town-and-country soprano of the kind often used for augmenting
grief at a funeral.
 -- George Ade (1866-1944)
%%
She was a very intelligent woman. I remember one time I thought she was
 cheating on me, but I couldn't prove it. So I followed her. She picked this
 guy up and they drove to a motel. They went inside; I could see them
 hugging and kissing and taking their clothes off, but just at that crucial
 moment, they turned the lights out, so I never knew for sure ...

 I think that's what we fought the most about--our sex life. I wanted one.
 -- Kip Addotta
%%
She was a wight, if ever such wight were,--
Des. To do what?
Iago. To suckle fools and chronicle small beer.
Des. O most lame and impotent conclusion!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
She was Bred in Old Kentucky But She's Only a Crumb Up Here.
 -- Curly Howard
%%
She was good as she was fair,
None--none on earth above her!
As pure in thought as angels are:
To know her was to love her.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Jacqueline, Stanza 1
%%
She was his life,
The ocean to the river of his thoughts,
Which terminated all.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Dream, Stanza 2
%%
She was much prettier than her 4-color separation.
%%
She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I loved her still.
%%
She was only the referee's daughter, but should see her box...
%%
She was only the stableman's daughter, but all the horsemen knew her.
%%
She was so big she could kick-start a 747.
 -- George "Goober" Lindsey
%%
She was so fat that if you fly around her you lose a day...
%%
She was so old when she went to school they didn't have history.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
She was so ugly her mother used to babyfeed her with a slingshot.
%%
She was so ugly she could make a freight train take a dirt road.
%%
She was so ugly they used her in prison to cure sex offenders.
%%
She was so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue caught in
the toaster.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
She was the sort of person whose personality would be greatly improved
by a terminal illness.
%%
She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly,
 when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over
 her head breaks. She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly"
 and you see her picture. Me, I was a very ugly baby. When the doctor cut
 the cord, he hung himself. My old man, he didn't like my looks. He carried
 around a picture of the kid that came with the wallet. He made me sleep in
 the kitchen naked to get rid of the roaches.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
She was using the landscape to hide herself!
%%
She was wrapped in plastic...
%%
She watches him as a cat would watch a mouse.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue iii
%%
She wears a pony tail to cover up the valve stem.
%%
She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
She what was honour knew,
And with obsequious majesty approv'd
My pleaded reason. To the nuptial bower
I led her blushing like the morn; all heaven
And happy constellations on that hour
Shed their selectest influence; the earth
Gave sign of gratulation, and each hill;
Joyous the birds; fresh gales and gentle airs
Whisper'd it to the woods, and from their wings
Flung rose, flung odours from the spicy shrub.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 508
%%
She who dies with the most fabric wins
%%
She who hesitates is won.
%%
She who ne'er answers till a husband cools,
Or if she rules him, never shows she rules.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 261
%%
S/He who uses bad language must be an R:BASE programmer!
%%
She: Why do you want me to hold your earlobes when we kiss? He: I once lost
 my wallet kissing, and it's not going to happen again.
%%
She won' go Warp 7, Cap'n!  The batteries are dead!
%%
She won't get sick if you wrap your dick.
%%
She wore a wreath of roses
  The night that first we met.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- She wore a Wreath
%%
SHEZ is this a four letter word??
%%
Shh! Admire the majesty of those stone pointy things.
%%
Shh! Be vewwy, vewwy quiet!  We're hunting Tosk!
%%
Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting Womulins!
%%
Shh! Be vewy vewy quiet! I'm hunting taglines! Heh, heh!
%%
Shh! Be vewy vewy quiet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwors!
%%
Shhh!: Danielle Soloud
%%
 Shhh!  Don't talk, just listen!  Meet me at the corner of Broad
 and Main and bring the girl.  (CLICK)
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
Shhhh! Hardware is Supposed to Be Secret!
%%
Shhhhhh.....I'm plotting against Ross Perot.
%%
Shhhhhh.....the Topic Cops are coming.
%%
SHHHH!!  I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS
 into empty OIL DRUMS..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Shhhh! I'm hunting and I see some Tagline Twacks!
%%
Shhhh! Listen to the bitstreams . . .
%%
Shhhh! The Canadiens game is on!
%%
Shhhh!!  There are paranoid people EVERYWHERE!
%%
Shhhh! They'll hear you!
%%
Shh! I have to use my incomplete, divided attention here!
%%
Shh......My little voices are talking.
%%
Shields Up! Ooops, too late.
%%
Shifting in the midst of a thrust, the thief knocks you unconscious
with the haft of his stiletto.
%%
Shift key; never heard of it1111
%%
:shift left (or right) logical: [from any of various machines'
   instruction sets] 1. vi. To move oneself to the left (right).  To
   move out of the way.  2. imper. "Get out of that (my) seat!  You
   can shift to that empty one to the left (right)."  Often
   used without the `logical', or as `left shift' instead of
   `shift left'.  Sometimes heard as LSH /lish/, from the {PDP-10}
   instruction set.  See {Programmer's Cheer}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Shifty eyes and the inability to look at someone with whom you are speaking
 may be an indicator of some sort of character flaw perhaps, but more often
 it is nature's way of telling you that you are in real need of bifocals.
%%
:shim: n. A small piece of data inserted in order to achieve a
   desired memory alignment or other addressing property.  For
   example, the PDP-11 UNIX linker, in split I&D (instructions and
   data) mode, inserts a two-byte shim at location 0 in data space so
   that no data object will have an address of 0 (and be confused with
   the C null pointer).  See also {loose bytes}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SHIN: Device for stopping pucks.
%%
Shine by the side of every path we tread
With such a lustre, he that runs may read.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Tirocinium, Line 79
%%
Shine on, you crazy diamond!
%%
Shiny happy people die in throngs.
%%
Ship it.
%%
Ship Mysteries: Marie Celeste
%%
Ships are but boards, sailors but men: there be land-rats and water-rats,
water-thieves and land-thieves.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Ships dim-discover'd dropping from the clouds.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 946
%%
Ships don't come in ...they are built..
%%
Shirley Maclaine hasn't got a clue!
%%
Shirley MacLaine talks to me in my dreams.
%%
Shisk-K-BOB.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Shit happens.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Accountant:     Why doesn't this shit add up?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 An Employee:    I've done my shit, so can I take the day off?
                 This shit's not part of my contract.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 An Employer:    Shit happens, and rolls down hill.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Aristotle:      The essence of shittyness...
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Avoidanceism: With all this happening, I think I'll go shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 A Yuppie:       It's my shit!  All mine!  Isn't it beautiful?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Beurocrat:      I'm sorry, but we can't do this shit until you fill out form
                  XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant
 Sub-Deputy
                  Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Biologist:      Is this shit alive?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Bush:           Read my lips: no more shit!
                 Wouldn't be prudent to shit at this juncture.
                 This looks like foreign shit. Let Baker handle it.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Cannibalism:    Don't eat the shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Capitalism:     Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
                 If you're gonna sell that shit, at least make a profit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 CEO:            (1980's) I've got all the shit I want.
                 (1990's) Oooh, SHIT!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Chemist:        I hope this shit doesn't blow up.
                 Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and ... SHIT!!!!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Clinton:        I didn't inhale this shit.
                 I tried this shit before and I didn't like it so....
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Communism:      It's everybody's shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Computer Science:
                 There's a bug somewhere in this shit!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Dean:           Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Denialism:      What shit?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Descartes:      I think, so why am I in this shit?
                 I shit, therefore I am.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Doctor:         Take two shits and call me in the morning.
                 Yes, it's definitely a case of shit. $99.95, please...
                 Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Economist:      I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand
                  this shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Einsteinism:    Shit is Relative.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Engineer:       I hope this shit holds together.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Environmentalism:
                 Shit is biodegradable.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Epicurus:       If shit happens, enjoy it.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
                 Shit happening is absurd.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Farmer:         I get subsidies for my shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Fatalism:       Oh shit, it's going to happen!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Fetishism:      I love when shit happens.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Freudianism:    Shit is a phallic symbol.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Hedonism:       There's nothing quite like a good shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Heisenbergism: Shit happened, we just don't know where.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 IBM/DOS:        It's shit, but at least it's compatible.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 IRS Auditor:    I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax
                 forms.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 James Tiberius Kirk:
                 ... to boldly shit where no one has shit before!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 John Paul Jones:
                 I have not yet begun to shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I shitted. (Veni, Vidi, Shitty)
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Lawyer:         For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Leibniz (as interpreted by Voltaire):
                 The best of all possible shit in this world made for shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Lincoln:        Four score and seven shits ago...
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Linguist:       What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri.
                 (For non-Latin-speakers: feces tauri=the excrement of a bull)
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Macintosh:      (Enough said)
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Mafia boss:     Rub the shit out.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Marxism:        The rich shit exploits the poor shit,
                 but deep down all shit is alike.
                 Dictatorship of the shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Masochism:      Do shit to me!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Mathematician: Shit happening is just a special case...
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 McCarthyism:    Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Moilanenism:    Smells like shit of finnish fish.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Musician:       This shit is out of tune.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Nihilism:       Let's blow this shit up!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Nixon:          Shit didn't happen, and if it did I din't know anything
                  about it.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 NYC Cab Driver: Damn, looks like I hit that shit...
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Perot:          I'm sorry if I dropped you guys in this piece of shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Physicist (Experimental):
                 To within experimental error, shit DID happen.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Physicist (Theoretical):
                 Shit SHOULD happen.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Politician:     It's shit, but it'll get me elected.
                 If you elect me, there will never again be shit.
                 Shit is bad for the economy.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Procrastinationism:
                 I'll take care of this shit ... tomorrow.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Programmer:     It's shit, but at least it compiles.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Psychologist: Shit is in your mind.
                   Everything that happens is shit; some of it is just
                 repressing its subconscious shittiness.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Purists:        If shit has to happen, let ONLY shit happen.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Quality Control Inspector:
                 This shit ain't good enough.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Quantum Shittydynamics:
                 Shit happens only in well-defined quantities.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Quayle:         Whye doe peopl treate mee lik shite?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Reaction to Seeing your Mother-in-law:
                 Relatives are Shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Reagan:         Well, I do believe that shit happened. I was just taking
                 a nap.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Realism:        I think I need to take a shit.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Repressionism: I'll hold this shit in forever.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Sadism:         I will shit on you!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Sartre:         Shit is meaningless!
                 What is shit, anyway?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Social Scientist:
                 Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Socrates:       What is shit?  Why is shit?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Statistician: There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Stoicism:       This shit is good for me.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Surrealism:     Fish!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Thales:         Earth, Air, Fire, and Shit
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Thoreau:        I wanted to live deliberately ... to suck all the shit out
                  of life.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Union leader: Give us more shit or we'll strike.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 UNIX/C:         A core dump... Shit!
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Vegetarianism: If it happens to shit, don't eat it.
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Waitress:       You want fries with that shit?
%%
 -- 'Shit Happens' according to...
 Washington:     I cannot tell a lie--shit happened.
%%
:shitogram: /shit'oh-gram/ n. A *really* nasty piece of email.
   Compare {nastygram}, {flame}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SHIT: Stop Here If Thursday
%%
 Shit!
 --What?
 Rollers.
 --No!
 Yeah.
 --Shit!
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
SHL! SHR! POP AX! PUSH AX! DB! DB! DB!
%%
Shock brings ruin and terrified gazing around.
Going ahead brings misfortune.
If is has not yet touched one's own body
But has reached one's neighbor first,
There is no blame.
One's comrades have something to talk about.
%%
Shock brings success.
Shock comes\(emoh, oh!
Laughing words\(emha, ha!
The shock terrifies for a hundred miles,
And he does not let fall the sacrificial spoon and chalice.
%%
Shock comes and makes one distraught.
If shock spurs to action
One remains free of misfortune.
%%
Shock comes bringing danger.
A hundred thousand times
You lose your treasures
And must climb the nine hills.
Do not go in pursuit of them.
After seven days you will get them back.
%%
Shock goes hither and thither.
Danger.
However, nothing at all is lost.
Yet there are things to be done.
%%
SHOCKING EXPOSE: Illegal core dumping in Lake Erie!
 -- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
shock: large fish that can bite your leg off. chiefly of concern to
sea cliff climbers.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Shock me, say something intelligent!
%%
Shoecide [Shu-eh-syd] n, One abandoned shoe in the road.
%%
Shoes are getting full of sand. I just hate that, don't you.
 -- Geordi to Bochra, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
Shoes For Farm And Ranch: Claude Hopper
%%
SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH OEH GOFTEH BANDE.
I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
 -- Useful phrases to know when traveling in moslem areas
%%
SHON: Simulate HONeywell CPU [permanent no-op]
%%
Shoot all the Radicals!
%%
Shoot from the hip; aim fer the groin.
%%
Shooting at a fixed target is only a step towards shooting
at a moving one, like a man.
 -- Lord Baden-Powell Scouting for Boys(1908)
%%
Shooting holes in the bible... er... Republican party platform.
%%
Shoot it, Bubba, it might be my mother-in-law!
%%
"Shoot it."
 -- The Klingon Prime Directive
%%
Shoot me, please, I can't take it anymore!
%%
Shoot them down in a friendly fashion. Admiral Halsey, 1945
%%
SHOOT THE PUCK!!!
%%
Shop around, you can't beat that price.
%%
Shopkeepers accept creditcards, as long as you pay cash.
%%
Shoplifter: Cost-of-living adjustment specialist.
%%
SHOPLIFTERS WILL BE HUNTED DOWN AND NEUTERED.
%%
Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol.
%%
SHOP OR DIE, people of Earth!
[offer void where prohibited]
 -- Capitalists from outer space,
 -- from Justice League Int'l comics
%%
Shopping centers are constructed for people who do not yet exist. Most of
 us today have bathrooms and use them, but shopping centers do not
 acknowledge this.
%%
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
%%
Shop, shop 'til you drop.
%%
Shop sign: We buy anything saleable.
%%
Shortages will be divided equally among the peasants.
 -- Marxist Law of Distribution of Wealth
%%
Short attention span tagline.
%%
:short card: n. A half-length IBM PC expansion card or adapter that
   will fit in one of the two short slots located towards the right
   rear of a standard chassis (tucked behind the floppy disk drives).
   See also {tall card}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Short-circuited between the earphones.
%%
Short circuits got no reason to live.
%%
Shortcuts make long delays, but inns make even longer ones.
 -- J.R.R Tolkien, Lord of the Rings
%%
Shortcuts to becoming a Head Chef.
 -- Jeffrey Dahmers Cookbook
%%
Shortcut: Taking a quicker route to stand in a bank line
%%
 "Shorter Miniskirts" by Seymour Hiney
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Shorter taglines are better?  No wonder mine aren't funny!  But then again, I
%%
Short-hop to Johnson, bobbles it, over to 1st...Safe!
%%
Short is my date, but deathless my renown.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book ix, Line 535
%%
(shortly after Lister has been turned into a chicken)
Cat:    The question is: Can we turn him back again?
Rimmer: The question is: Do we want to?
 -- Red Dwarf - 'D.N.A.'
%%
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and
 quite ill lady appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having
 driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the
 parking lot. The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number
 and get an ambulance?"

 The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."
 -- Authentic incident!
%%
Short people are vertically challenged.
%%
Short quotes are like fences -- Both make good neighbors.
%%
  Short swallow-flights of song, that dip
Their wings in tears, and skim away.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xlviii, Stanza 4
%%
Short-term memory?  Why would you say I... uh... what were we talking about?
%%
Short term success with voters on any side of a given issue can be
guaranteed by creating a long-term special study commission make
up of at least three divergent interest groups.
 -- Ray Connolly
%%
Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all.
 -- SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL
%%
Shot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars.
 -- Les Brown
%%
:shotgun debugging: n. The software equivalent of {Easter egging};
   the making of relatively undirected changes to software in the hope
   that a bug will be perturbed out of existence.  This almost never
   works, and usually introduces more bugs.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SHOTGUN
  Inspector Unnecessary-Violence's preferred method of persuasion.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
  And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
  And days o' lang syne?
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Auld Lang Syne
%%
Should a virgin be called a notyeterosexual?
%%
Should be read umop apisdn for best results.
%%
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Should have kept his helmet on while riding / playing.
%%
Should have thought a bit harder about that speech, really
 -- Rimmer
%%
Should I consider this to be OFFICIAL flirting, Bob?
%%
Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Should I eat at a restaurant called "The Fu King Palace"?
%%
Should I follow the PATH or the Yellow Brick Road?
%%
..  Should I get locked in the PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE today --
 or have a VASECTOMY??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Should I have answer'd Caius Cassius so?
When Marcus Brutus grows so covetous,
To lock such rascal counters from his friends,
Be ready, gods, with all your thunderbolts:
Dash him to pieces!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Should I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
%%
Should I incapacitate him, Commander?
 -- Worf, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
    Should I not have changed either the day for carrying out
my scheme, or the scheme itself-- but preferably only the day?
 -- Ovid - Metamorphoses
%%
Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did!
%%
Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK
 hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Should I weed the lawn or say it's a garden?
%%
Shouldn't "misandrist" be spelled "MSandrist?"
%%
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?
%%
Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?
%%
Shouldn't we be charging admission for this?!
 -- Zach
%%
Shouldn't you be doing something productive?
%%
Shouldn't you go back to lurking now?
%%
"Should old acquaintance be forgot . . ."
 -- Count of Monte Cristo
%%
Should science attempt to land Bob on the sun?
%%
Should South Florida legalize casino gambling?  As with
any important issue, there are pros and cons.  Here they
are:

     PROS:  Everybody would get rich.
      CONS:  Everybody would get killed by gangsters.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Should such a man, too fond to rule alone,
Bear, like the Turk, no brother near the throne.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 197
%%
Should the whole frame of Nature round him break,
In ruin and confusion hurled,
He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack,
And stand secure amidst a falling world.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Horace, Ode iii, Book iii
%%
Should we tell the children when we move?
%%
Should women sports reporters be allowed in the men's locker rooms after
 the game? I say yes! Let 'em in! They're women, but they're sports
 reporters and they're doing their jobs, and they should be allowed in. They
 should be allowed to bring paper, pencils--no rulers.
 -- Marc Price
%%
Should you or any member of your I.M. force be caught or killed,
The Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
%%
Shout to a Scout on this BBS.
%%
:shovelware: /shuh'v*l-weir`/ n. Extra software dumped onto a
   CD-ROM or tape to fill up the remaining space on the medium after
   the software distribution it's intended to carry, but not
   integrated with the distribution.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.
 -- Martin Mull
%%
Shower the people you love with love.
 -- James Taylor
%%
Shower with the people you love.
%%
Show feminizts how you feel -- give them half a "peace sign."
%%
Show forbearance, benevolence and love to one another.
%%
Show Girl : she's more show than girl.
%%
Show his eyes, and grieve his heart;
Come like shadows, so depart!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Show me a burned-out post office and I'll show you a case of blackmail.
%%
Show me a cat that just ate a lemon and I'll show you a sourpuss.
%%
Show me a female ... I'll show you a problem.
%%
Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser.
 -- Vince Lombardi, football coach
%%
Show me a good mouser and I'll show you a cat with bad breath.
 -- Garfield
%%
Show me a good sportsman and I'll show you a player I'm looking to trade.
 -- Leo Durocher
%%
Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can
 beat every time.
 -- Rene Auberjonois (from Lou Brock)
%%
Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things
and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted
to do big things.
 -- Lawrence Bell, manifacturer
%%
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you
 a man who is playing golf with his boss.
%%
Show me a man who sees both sides of an argument, and I'll show you a man
who has nothing at stake in it.
%%
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who
 can't put his pants on.
 -- Joe E. Lewis
%%
Show me an original, funny tagline; I'll show you mine.
%%
Show me a pharaoh who ate crackers and I'll show you a crummy mummy.
%%
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
 -- C. G. Jung (1875-1961)
%%
Show me a squirrel's nest and I'll show you a nutcracker suite.
%%
Show me a stolen sausage and I'll show you a missing link.
%%
Show me a swine in the rain and I'll show you hogwash.
%%
Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I'll show you a failure.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison
%%
Show me a vampire with a tan and I'll show you a painter!
%%
Show me something built to last.
%%
Show me the books he loves and I shall know the man far better than
through mortal friends.
 -- S. Weir Mitchell
%%
Show me the country in which there are no strikes and I'll show that
country in which there is no liberty.
 -- Samuel Gompers (1850-1924)
%%
Show me the glen where the kippers roam free.
%%
Show me the way to the next whiskey bar.
%%
Show me where Stalin is buried and I'll show you a communist plot.
%%
Show me your tagline! Oh, really?
%%
Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing.
 -- Georges Jacques Danton, addressed to the executioner, 1794
%%
Showoff: Stands with back to urinal. Slings tool over shoulder.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
%%
:showstopper: n. A hardware or (especially) software bug that makes
   an implementation effectively unusable; one that absolutely has to
   be fixed before development can go on.  Opposite in connotation
   from its original theatrical use, which refers to something
   stunningly *good*.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Show thy servant the light of thy countenance.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- The Psalter, Psalm xxxi, 18
%%
Show us a home with young children and we'll show you a home where
every pack of cards counts out at between 37 and 51.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Show victims you care, hang a criminal today!
%%
Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
%%
Show your appreciation for your lover by surprising him/her with a small gift.
%%
Shpider! (Must Stop!)
%%
Shpider! (Step on Shpider!)
%%
Shpider! (We Love You, Shpider!)
%%
SHP: Solve Halting Problem
%%
SHRC: SHRed Card
%%
Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw.
%%
Shreddies...Official Breakfast of the Rose Law firm.
%%
Shred the serious Bandwidth!
%%
Shrine of the mighty! can it be
That this is all remains of thee?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 106
%%
Shrink to Jaws: "Tell me about your childhood".
%%
Shrouds have no pockets.
%%
SHR: SHift Random
%%
SHRT: SHRed Tape
%%
  SHS  - Society of Hamster Strangling
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:Shub-Internet: /shuhb in't*r-net/ [MUD: from H. P. Lovecraft's
   evil fictional deity `Shub-Niggurath', the Black Goat with a
   Thousand Young] n. The harsh personification of the Internet,
   Beast of a Thousand Processes, Eater of Characters, Avatar of Line
   Noise, and Imp of Call Waiting; the hideous multi-tendriled entity
   formed of all the manifold connections of the net.  A sect of
   MUDders worships Shub-Internet, sacrificing objects and praying for
   good connections.  To no avail --- its purpose is malign and evil,
   and is the cause of all network slowdown.  Often heard as in
   "Freela casts a tac nuke at Shub-Internet for slowing her down."
   (A forged response often follows along the lines of:
   "Shub-Internet gulps down the tac nuke and burps happily.")  Also
   cursed by users of {FTP} and {telnet} when the system slows
   down.  The dread name of Shub-Internet is seldom spoken aloud, as
   it is said that repeating it three times will cause the being to
   wake, deep within its lair beneath the Pentagon.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Shubunkin+Moor+Pearlscale+Ryukin=Heaven
%%
Shut 'er down Scotty, the warp drives are sucking mud!
%%
Shut off that *damned* noise!
 -- Picard "Encounter at Farpoint," stardate 41153.7.
%%
Shut, shut the door, good John! fatigued, I said;
Tie up the knocker! say I 'm sick, I 'm dead.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 1
%%
SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
%%
Shut up and dance.
%%
Shut up and deal!
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
%%
Shut up Beavis, we're missing this hockey game & it doesn't even suck!
%%
SHUT UP !! ...Bloody Vikings...
%%
Shut up he explained.
 -- Ring Lardner
%%
Shut up
In measureless content.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Shut up 'n' play yer guitar.
%%
Shut up, or I'll sick McSorley on you!
%%
Shut up, or I'll sick Probert on you!
%%
Shut up, Q!
 -- Geordi, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Shut up, Spock!  We're rescuing you!
 -- McCoy
%%
Shut up, Wesley!
 -- Picard, "Datalore", stardate 41242.4
%%
SHUT YER FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT!!!
%%
Shut your eyes and you'll burst into flames.
 -- The Log Lady
%%
Shy, hard of hearing, and near-sighted--please flirt aggressively.
%%
Shy: Stands very close to the urinal and uses both hands so
neighbor can't see.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
SI:   Acronym for "Systeme Infernelle".
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Sic Biscuitus Disintegrat.
 -- Adrian Ogden
%%
Sick Building Migration:
 The tendency of younger workers to leave or avoid jobs in
unhealthy office environments or workplaces affected by the Sick
Building Syndrome.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Sick minds, Mr. President.
%%
Sickness- No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer
accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe
that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
 -- Work Rule
%%
Sick, sick, sick--the humor of the Beast.
%%
Sic transit gloria Monday!
%%
+ ------------------------------------------------- +
+ ---------- Sic transit gloria mundi. ------------ +
+ --- "Thus passes away the glory of the world." -- +
+ ------------------------------------------------- +
%%
:sidecar: n. 1. Syn. {slap on the side}.  Esp. used of add-ons
   for the late and unlamented IBM PCjr.  2. The IBM PC compatibility
   box that could be bolted onto the side of an Amiga.  Designed and
   produced by Commodore, it broke all of the company's own design
   rules.  If it worked with any other peripherals, it was by
   {magic}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Side-of-the-Road Surprise
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Si Dios no hubiera descansado el domingo
habria tenido tiempo de terminar el mundo.
(If God hadn't rested on Sunday,
He would have had time to finish the world.)
 -- Gabriel Garcia Marquez,
 -- "Los Funerales de Mama Grande", 1974
%%
SID: Switch to Infinite Density
%%
:sig block: /sig blok/ [UNIX; often written `.sig' there] n.
   Short for `signature', used specifically to refer to the
   electronic signature block that most UNIX mail- and news-posting
   software will {automagically} append to outgoing mail and news.
   The composition of one's sig can be quite an art form, including an
   ASCII logo or one's choice of witty sayings (see {sig quote},
   {fool file, the}); but many consider large sigs a waste of
   {bandwidth}, and it has been observed that the size of one's sig
   block is usually inversely proportional to one's longevity and
   level of prestige on the net.  See also {doubled sig}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sigh'd and look'd, and sigh'd again.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 120
%%
Sigh'd and look'd unutterable things.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 1188
%%
Sigh... Every day I thank my statuette of Wilma Flintstone that
 I was born normal.
 -- Zippy the pinhead
%%
Sighing that Nature form'd but one such man,
And broke the die, in moulding Sheridan.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Monody on the Death of Sheridan, Line 117
%%
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
  Men were deceivers ever,--
One foot in sea and one on shore,
  To one thing constant never.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
%%
Sight is an excretion of darkness.
%%
Sigmund Freud is alleged to have said that in the last analysis the
entire field of psychology may reduce to biological electrochemistry.
%%
Sigmund Freud slipped here.
%%
Sigmund's wife wore freudian slips.
%%
:signal-to-noise ratio: [from analog electronics] n. Used by hackers
   in a generalization of its technical meaning.  `Signal' refers to
   useful information conveyed by some communications medium, and
   `noise' to anything else on that medium.  Hence a low ratio implies
   that it is not worth paying attention to the medium in question.
   Figures for such metaphorical ratios are never given.  The term is
   most often applied to {USENET} newsgroups during {flame war}s.
   Compare {bandwidth}.  See also {coefficient of X}, {lost in
   the noise}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sign at Kennedy estate: Visitors will be violated!
%%
Sign at nursery: Come to me my melon-cauliflower baby.
%%
.signature not found. Format hard disk instead? (Y/N) _
%%
Sign for homeless cats - "Will purr for food."
%%
Sign here please:___________________________Thanks.
%%
Significance is inherent in the human body.
 -- Julia Kristeva
%%
Signito ergo sum - I sign therefore I am.
%%
Sign my PETITION.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Signor Marconi's ingenious ideas do not seem to have made much headway.
The public will be well advised to keep clear of this consern.
 -- NY Investment Banker, 1898
%%
Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
 -- Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
%%
Signs on the freeway are funny. They have a sign that says, "Orange Cones
 Mean Men at Work." What else could orange cones mean? Psychedelic witches
 embedded in asphalt?
 -- Karin Babbitt
%%
Sign up now for the summarizing Proust competition!
%%
.sig Permission denied
%%
:sig quote: /sig kwoht/ [USENET] n. A maxim, quote, proverb, joke,
   or slogan embedded in one's {sig block} and intended to convey
   something of one's philosophical stance, pet peeves, or sense of
   humor.  "Calm down, it's only ones and zeroes."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
.Sig!  .Sig a .Sog!  .Sig it loud!  .Sig it .Strog!
 -- Karen Carpenter with a head cold
%%
:SIG: /sig/ n. (also common as a prefix in combining forms) A Special
   Interest Group, in one of several technical areas, sponsored by the
   Association for Computing Machinery; well-known ones include
   SIGPLAN (the Special Interest Group on Programming Languages),
   SIGARCH (the Special Interest Group for Computer Architecture) and
   SIGGRAPH (the Special Interest Group for Computer Graphics).
   Hackers, not surprisingly, like to overextend this naming
   convention to less formal associations like SIGBEER (at ACM
   conferences) and SIGFOOD (at University of Illinois).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
.sig under construction
%%
:sig virus: n. A parasitic {meme} embedded in a {sig block}.
   There was a {meme plague} or fad for these on USENET in late
   1991.  Most were equivalents of "I am a .sig virus.  Please reproduce
   me in your .sig block.".  Of course, the .sig virus's memetic hook
   is the giggle value of going along with the gag; this, however,
   was a self-limiting phenomenon as more and more people picked up
   on the idea.  There were creative variants on it; some people
   stuck `sig virus antibody' texts in their sigs, and there was at
   least one instance of a sig virus eater.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait.
[If youth but knew, if old age but could].
 -- Henri Estienne
%%
Silence can be the biggest lie of all.  We have a responsibility to speak
up; and whenever the occasion calls for it, we have a responsibility to
raise bloody hell.
 -- Herbert Block
%%
Silence cannot be misquoted.
%%
Silence cannot be misquoted... until Limbaugh gets hold of it.
%%
Silence = Death.
%%
Silence, FOUL TEMPTRESS!!!
%%
Silence gives consent, or a horrible feeling that nobody's listening.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Silence in love bewrays more woe
  Than words, though ne'er so witty:
A beggar that is dumb, you know,
  May challenge double pity.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618)
 -- The Silent Lover
%%
Silence is a friend who will never betray.
 -- Cervantes
%%
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
 -- Ernesto CheGuevara (1928-1967)
%%
Silence is better than unmeaning words.
 -- Pythagoras
%%
Silence is evidence of a superb command of the language.
%%
Silence is more eloquent at times than words.
%%
Silence is not always golden; sometimes it is yellow.
%%
Silence is one great art of conversation.
 -- William Hazlitt (1778-1830)
%%
Silence is the best resolve for him who distrusts himself.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 79
%%
Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Silence is the only acceptable substitute for brilliance.
%%
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy,
if I could say how much.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Silence is the space surrounding every action and every communion of
people, Friendship needs no words...
 -- Dag Hammarskjold
%%
Silence is the virtue of fools.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
Silence! I've had enough of this wowdy wabble webel behaviour.
 -- Pilate
%%
Silence never solved anything.
%%
Silence speaks with eloquence.
 -- R. Reiley
%%
Silence that dreadful bell: it frights the isle
From her propriety.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Silence when you're shouting at me!
 -- Woody Allen, What's New, Pussycat?
%%
SILENCE: Wisdom's One Satisfactory Substitute
%%
Silence, ye wolves! while Ralph to Cynthia howls,
And makes night hideous;
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iii, Line 165
%%
Silence your dog, Captain.
 -- T'bok about Worf, "The Neutral Zone", stardate 41986.0
%%
Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone.
 -- G. B. Stearn
%%
Silentium, stultorum virtus.
[Silence is the virtue of fools.]
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- De Dignitate et Augmentis Scientiarum (1623) bk. 6, ch. 3, pt. 3
 -- "The Antitheta of Things" no. 30 {tr. Gilbert Watts, 1640}
%%
Silently as a dream the fabric rose,
No sound of hammer or of saw was there.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book v, The Winter Morning Walk, Line 144
%%
Silhouette: After Etienne de Silhouette (1709-67) with reference to his
evanescent career (March-November 1759) as French
controller-general.
%%
Silica Gel. Do Not Eat. Stays Crispy in Milk.
%%
:silicon: n. Hardware, esp. ICs or microprocessor-based computer
   systems (compare {iron}).  Contrasted with software.  See also
   {sandbender}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Silliness is the last refuge of the doomed.
 -- Opus
%%
Silly Magician, Tricks are for Hookers.
%%
Silly people waste time assigning or assuming guilt.
%%
Silly programmer!  Turbo's for kidz!
%%
Silly question!
%%
Silly rabbit, tricks are for hookers!
%%
Silly Rabbit: Trixie R. Forkids
%%
Silly Wabbit, QWKs are for kids
%%
:silly walk: [from Monty Python's Flying Circus] vi. 1. A ridiculous
   procedure required to accomplish a task.  Like {grovel}, but more
   {random} and humorous.  "I had to silly-walk through half the
   /usr directories to find the maps file."  2. Syn. {fandango on
   core}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Silmarillion: Worst book by a dead man.
%%
Silmarillion: Worst book not by J.R.R. Tolkien
%%
:silo: n. The FIFO input-character buffer in an RS-232 line card.  So
   called from DEC terminology used on DH and DZ line cards for the
   VAX and PDP-11, presumably because it was a storage space for
   fungible stuff that went in at the top and came out at the bottom.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Silver and gold make even pigs seem clean.
%%
:Silver Book: n. Jensen and Wirth's infamous "Pascal User Manual
   and Report", so called because of the silver cover of the
   widely distributed Springer-Verlag second edition of 1978 (ISBN
   0-387-90144-2).  See {{book titles}}, {Pascal}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Similar sire, similar scion.   <------ like father, like son
%%
Simon Bates: So what do you do?
 Soldier:     I'm an electrician.
 Simon Bates: So what's that in layman's terms?
%%
Simonides calls painting silent poetry, and poetry speaking painting.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Whether the Athenians were more Warlike or Learned, 3
%%
Simon says: don't be so suggestible.
%%
Simon says, "Give me ALL your taglines!"
%%
Simple advice is the best advice.
 -- Third Law of Advice
%%
Simple conduct. Progress without blame.
%%
Simple diet is best; for many dishes bring many diseases; and rich
sauces are worse than even heaping several meats upon each other.
 -- Pliny
%%
Simple enough for a weenie; enough power for a nerd!
%%
Simple grace. No blame.
%%

SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Language
Environment.  This language, developed at the Hanover College for
Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code
with errors in it.  The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN,
END and STOP.  No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make
a syntax error.  Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful.  Thus
they achieve the results of programs written in other languages without
the tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #10: SIMPLE
%%
Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to
do them later.
 -- Dehay's Axiom
%%
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Simple rule: If you don't treat me right, shame on you.
%%
Simple rules for saving money: to save half, when you are fired by an eager
 impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count forty. To save
 three-quarters, count sixty. To save it all, count sixty- five.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Simple tasks aren't.
 -- Schmidt's law
%%
Simplicity and clarity should be your theme in dress.
%%
Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
%%
Simplicity is always a virtue. One kid on a riverbank working out a Stephen
Foster tune on his new harmonica heard from the correct esthetic distance
projects more magic and power than the entire Vienna Philharmonic and Chorus
laboring (once again) through the Mozart Requiem or Bach's B Minor Mass.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Simplicity is the true test.
 -- Ron Randall
%%
Simply by listening, you learn that there is a good deal of evidence that
 the size of the brain is inversly proportional to the size of the mouth.
%%
Simply pushing harder within the old boundaries will not do.
 -- Karl Weick
%%
Simply the thing that I am shall make me live.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
%%
Simpson; 100 hairs, my ass. Ouch!
%%
Simpson; Where was Kato?
%%
SIMULA programmers do it with CLASS.
%%
Simulation hackers do it with models.
%%
Sin boldly.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
Since 1952 I wanted to drive a Caddy. That's what I drive: a '52 Caddy.
 -- Bob Melvin
%%
Since a democratic society repudiates the principle of external authority,
it must find a substitute in voluntary disposition and interest;
these can be created only by education.
 -- John Dewey
%%
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!
%%
Since attaining the full use of my reason no one has ever heard me laugh.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield
%%
Since before the Earth was formed and before the sun burned hot
in space, cosmic forces of inexorable power have been working
relentlessly toward this moment in space-time -- your receiving this fortune.
%%
Since blue-sky projects are targeted for major breakthroughs, they
are relatively immune from planning and control.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Since brass, nor stone, nor earth, nor boundless sea,
But sad mortality o'ersways their power,
How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea,
Whose action is no stronger than a flower?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lxv
%%
Since call'd
The Paradise of Fools, to few unknown.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 495
%%
Since Cleopatra died,
I have liv'd in such dishonour that the gods
Detest my baseness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 14
%%
Since computers do the sending, however, it's possible to address
a single package to a mailing list of recipients with a shared
interest in the subject matter -- be it cold fusion or hot
pornography.
 -- Joe Abernathy <(C) 1990 Houston Chronicle>
%%
Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is,
having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well
burst out in laughter.
 -- Long Chen Pa
%%
Since GOD spelled backwards is DOG, is my poodle Satan?
%%
Since heaven's eternal year is thine.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Elegy on Mrs. Killegrew, Line 15
%%
Since he's been in the White House, President
 Reagan has gotten two hearing aids, a colon
 operation, skin cancer, prostate surgery, and he's
 been shot.

And we, the American People, should always
 remember these things... because he won't.
 -- Dennis Miller, SNL News
%%
Since I gave up hope, I feel a lot better.
 -- Steve Taylor
%%
Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot, who was cordial, Is
now transmitting static. The carpet died, a palm collapsed, The cat keeps doing
poo. The only thing that keeps me sane Is talking to my shoe.
 My Shoe
%%
Since it is Reason which shapes and regulates all other things, it
ought not itself to be left in disorder.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Chap. xvii
%%
Since I've seen this *several* times in this group, the actual context of the
God is dead quotation of Nietzsche:
The Madman. -- Have you ever heard of the madman who on a bright morning lighte
d a lantern and ran to the market-place callin out unceasingly: I
seek God!     I
 seek Gad! -- As there were many people standing about who did not believe in
God, he caused a great deal of amusement.   Why! is he lost? said one.  Has he
strayed away like a child?  said another.  Or does he keep himself hidden?  Is
he afraid of us?  Has he taken a sea-voyage?  has he emigrated? -- the people c
ried out laughingly, all in a hubub.  The insane man jumped into their midst an
d transfixed them with his glances.  Where is God gone? he called out.    I me
an to tell you! *We have killed him*, you and I!   We are all his murderes!....
 -- from THE JOYFUL WISDOM
%%
Since I went to school the Sisters who teach there are not nearly as
 strict. Amnesty International got after them.
%%
Since knowledge is but sorrow's spy,
It is not safe to know.
 -- Sir William Davenant (1605-1668)
 -- The Just Italian, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Since life goes on - you might as well get on with it.
%%
Since most computers and word processors now come equipped with an
 electronic dictionary, there is little reason left to learn the alphabet by
 heart, save for the phone book.
%%
Since my cat learned to type, there is no guarantee whose thoughts these are
%%
Since no matter can be created or destroyed (excluding nuclear and
cafeteria substances), as one attempts to remove unwanted material
(i. e., trash) from one's living space, the remaining material mutates
so as to occupy 30 to 50 percent more than its original volume.
%%
Since Perot has withdrawn from the presidential race, he's being called
The Yellow Ross of Texas.
%%
Since poverty is no disgrace, may you never know shame.
%%
Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned.
 -- Donal Graeme
%%
Sincere in the good. Good fortune.
%%
Sincere joyousness. Good fortune.
Remorse disappears.
%%
Sincerity is like traveling in a plain beaten road, which commonly
brings a man sooner to his journey's end than byways, in which men
often lose themselves.
 -- Tiliotson
%%
Sincerity is often the measure of your adaptability to adjust to
the opinions of those who can fire you.
 -- John Francis Putnam (1964)
%%
Sincerity is the Way.
 -- Mencius, 372-289 B.C.
%%
Sincerity is the way of Heaven.
 -- Cervantes
%%
Since the bicycle makes little demand on material or energy resources,
 contributes little to pollution, makes a positive contribution to health and
 causes little death or injury, it can be regarded as the most benevolent of
 machines.
 -- S. S. Wilson
%%
Since the generality of persons act from impulse much more than from
principle, men are neither so good nor so bad as we are apt to think them.
 -- Hare
%%
Since the measuring device has been constructed by the observer...we
have to remember that what we observe is not nature in itself, but
nature exposed to our method of questioning.
 -- Werner Heisenberg
%%
Since the mind is specific biocomputer it needs specific instruction and
directions.  The reason most people never reach their goals is that they
don't define them, learn about them, or even seriously consider them as
believable or achievable.  Winners can tell you where they are going, what
they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with
them.
 -- Denis Waitley
%%
Since the star [Sirius] advances one day every four years, and in order
that the holidays celebrated in the summer shall not fall into winter,
as has been and will be the case if the year continues to have 360 and 5
additional days, it is hereby decreed that henceforth every four years
there shall be celebrated the holidays of the Gods of Euergetes after
the 5 additional days and before the new year, so that everyone might
know that the former shortcomings in reckoning the seasons of the year
have henceforth been truly corrected by King Euergetes.
 -- Ptolemy III Euergetes (238 B.C.)
%%
Since the whole affair had become one of religion, the vanquished
were of course exterminated.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Since this Galaxy began, vast civilizations have risen and fallen, risen and
fallen, risen and fallen so often that it's quite tempting to think that life
in the Galaxy must be
(a) something akin to seasick - space-sick, time sick, history sick or some
such thing, and
(b) stupid
%%
:since time T equals minus infinity: adv. A long time ago; for as
   long as anyone can remember; at the time that some particular frob
   was first designed.  Usually the word `time' is omitted.  See also
   {time T}; contrast {epoch}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Since trifles make the sum of human things,
And half our misery from our foibles springs.
 -- Hannah More (1745-1833)
 -- Sensibility
%%
Since we began restoring pride in the United States of America... flag
sales have taken off.
 -- President George Bush
%%
Since we cannot hope for order, let us withdraw with style from the chaos.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
Since we cannot match it let us take our revenge by abusing it.
 -- Michel De Montaigne
%%
Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while
 they're alive.
 -- John Sloan
%%
Since we're all here, we must not be all there.
 -- Bob "Mountain" Beck
%%
"Since when is "public safety" the root password to the Constitution?"
 -- C. D. Tavares
%%
Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
%%
Since when is the Internal Revenue a Service?
%%
Since when was a phone for talking?
%%
    Since when was genius found respectable?
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning
%%
Since you put it that way...
%%
Since you're clearly mad as a mongoose, I'll bid you good-day.
 -- Edmund to Captain Rum : Potato
%%
Sinead O'Connor: a chia pet before adding water.
%%
Sinead O'Connor in the side pocket...
%%
sine Cerere et Libero friget Venus
[without Ceres and Bacchus (food and drink), love is cold]
good for weddings
%%
Sing away sorrow, cast away care.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
Singers do it with microphones.
%%
Sing Ho! For the life of a Bear!
 -- Winnie-the-Pooh by A. A. Milne
%%
Singin' and Shakin': Oprah Tic Tenor
%%
Singing is a trick to get people to listen to music for longer
than they would ordinarily.
%%
Singing makes all the sad people happy because it is the voice of happiness.
 -- Joseph Shabalala
%%
Single deaths are tragedies, millions are statistics.
%%
Single folks die younger; married folks, slower
%%
SINGLE : Sexy Individual Not Getting Laid Enough
%%
Single-sided, low density.
%%
Singles Solution Department: When jogging close to a beautiful lady, you
 pull up next to her and say "Your pace or mine?" (I deeply regret this,
 really, but it had to come out, it couldn't stay with me, I can't stand
 this type of thing, please accept my apology!)
%%
Single tasking?  Just say no!
%%
Sing, riding 's a joy! For me I ride.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The last Ride together, vii
%%
Singularity in the right hath ruined many; happy those who are convinced
of the general opinion.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Singularity:  Liberal's brain as well as beliefs
%%
Sin harder! Ragnarok is coming!
%%
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, vi
%%
Sin is a choice...not a genetic predisposition.
%%
Sin is geographical.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
%%
Sin is seeing yourself through somebody else's eyes.
 -- Sebastian Moore
%%
Sinister Dexter has a broken spirometer.
%%
 (Sinister organ music:)  Hello, you have reached the Brown
 residence.  You now have two choices.  Number one, you may leave
 a message.  (Angelic "Hallelujah!")  Or number two, suffer
 eternal damnation.  (Horrid death scream.)  You decide.
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
Sink or swim, live or die, survive or perish, I give my hand and my
heart to this vote.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Eulogy on Adams and Jefferson, Aug. 2, 1826, p. 133
%%
Sinks my sad soul with sorrow to the grave.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 543
%%
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins"
are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is NOT a sin--just stupid.)
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Sinner: A stupid person who gets found out.
%%
Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
%%
Sin now -- Pray Later!
%%
SIN OF OMISSION: Any sin that you forgot to commit.
%%
Sins repeated seem permitted.
%%
Sin that pays its way can travel freely, and without a passport; whereas
virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers.
%%
SIP: Store Indefinite Precision
%%
Sir -- a couple of brief points.  Firstly, you're not a qualified
service engineer, and consequently, sawing me in two will invalidate my
guarantee.  Secondly, I wouldn't trust you to open a sardine can that
was already open.
 -- Kryten in Red Dwarf 'Terrorform'
%%
Sir Amice Pawlet, when he saw too much haste made in any matter, was
wont to say, "Stay a while, that we may make an end the sooner."
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Apothegms, No, 76
%%
Sir, am I to understand that you sell dead, fried birds here?
%%
Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs.
It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
SIREN, n.  One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt
to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave.  Figuratively, any
lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and disappointing
performance.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
SIREN
  Originally a sea-nymph whose songs lured sailors to their death, a
  siren is now a loud wailing noise that goes off all the time and
  that everyone ignores because they hope its only a test.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Sir, he is reading as fully human.
What is there, an echo in here?
I am sensing an emotional presence, Captain. I would normally describe
  it as being terrified.
How rude.
 -- Data, Q, and Troi, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Sir, he made a chimney in my father's house, and the bricks are alive
at this day to testify it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Sir Henry Wotton used to say that critics are like brushers of noblemen's
clothes.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Apothegms, No, 64
%%
Sir Henry Wotton was a most dear lover and a frequent practiser of
the Art of Angling; of which he would say, "'T was an employment for
his idle time, which was then not idly spent, a rest to his mind,
a cheerer of his spirits, a diverter of sadness, a calmer of unquiet
thoughts, a moderator of passions, a procurer of contentedness;" and
"that it begat habits of peace and patience in those that professed
and practised it."
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 1
%%
Sir, how much money do you get for those seal skins?
Money? I just like to club them!
%%
Sir I admit your general rule
That every Poet is a Fool
But you yourself may serve to show it
That every Fool is not a Poet
 -- rendered from the french by Pope
%%
Sir, I beg you to reconsider.  If not for your sanity, you haven't even
considered the moral implications of your decision.  You will be joining
a society where you will be compelled to have sex with beautiful woman
twice daily, on demand.  Now, am I the only one here who finds that
just a little bit tacky? Well, quite clearly, I am.
 -- Kryten in Red Dwarf 'Holoship'
%%
Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox.
 -- Earl of Sandwich
%%
Sir, if you'd like my opinion.
I think I'm aware of your opinion, Commander. This is a briefing, I'm not
  seeking your consent.
 -- Riker and Picard, "Yesterday's Enterprise", stardate 43625.2
%%
Sir, I have been unable to replace the dictionary. I am therefore
  leaving immediately for Nepal, where I intend to live as a goat.
 -- Edmund to George : Ink and Incapability
%%
Sir, I'll have you know that I cannot be bought and I cannot be
threatened. But you put the two together and I'm your man.
 -- Norm Peterson
%%
Sir, I suggest Commander Riker or Data would better serve special
  emissary K'Ehleyr.
"Are there any personal reasons that you don't want the assignment?"
Yes.
"Any professional reasons?"
No. I withdraw my request, Captain.
"Good."
 -- Worf and Picard, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
"Sir, I think I wanted to express the duality of man - a kind of
Jungian thing, sir."
 -- Full Metal Jacket
%%
Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not geologically stable.
 -- C3PO
%%
Sirius is paved with gold
So I've heard it said
By nuts who then go on to say
"See Tau before you're dead."
I'll gladly take the high road
Or even take the low,
But if you have to take me apart to get me there
Then I, for one, won't go.

[Chorus]

Take me apart, take me apart,
You must be off your head,
And if you try to take me apart to get me there
I'll stay right here in bed.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Sir, I've been meaning to discuss these feelings.
 -- Troi
%%
Sir, I would rather be right than be President.
 -- Henry Clay (1777-1852)
 -- Speech, 1850 (referring to the Compromise Measures)
%%
Sir, I would rather have my problem than yours.
%%
Sir Lancelot, you have chain mail in Knight's Conference.
%%
   [SIR LAUNCELOT runs back up the stairs, grabs a rope
   of the wall and swings out over the heads of the CROWD in a
   swashbuckling manner towards a large window.  He stops just short
   of the window and is left swing pathetically back and forth.]
LAUNCELOT: Excuse me ... could somebody give me a push ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Sir, may I say your attempt to hold the away team with a non-functional
  weapon was an act of unmitigated gall.
"Didn't fool you, huh?"
I admire gall.
 -- Worf and Kevin, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
Sir, please help me get his coat off.
(feebly) Leave it, Baldrick...it doesn't matter.
Yes, it does. Blood's hell to shift - I want to get it in soap.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
Sir Plume, of amber snuff-box justly vain,
And the nice conduct of a clouded cane.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto iv, Line 123
%%
Sir! Romulan Warbird decloaking*2O~:%^@&* NO CARRIER
%%
Sirs, adulation is a fatal thing- Rank poison for a subject, or a king.
 -- Dr. Wolcot
%%
Sir, shall we send for Dr. Crusher?
Why, is someone ill?
 -- Riker and Picard, "Where No One Has Gone Before", stardate 41263.1
%%
Sir?  She's giving "Reality" as a *previous* address!
%%
Sir, sonar reports screw noises.
%%
[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the
vices I admire.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
"Sir, the bridge appears to be run by computer.  It's the only thing speaking."
"Speaking?  Let me hear it."
"...9...8...7...6..."
 -- Star Trek III, "The Search for Spock"
%%
Sir, the purpose of this gathering confuses me.
"Oh. How so?"
My thoughts are not for Tasha, but for myself. I keep thinking how
  empty it will be without her presence. Did I miss the point?
"No you didn't, Data. You got it."
 -- Data and Picard, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
Sir, the type of woman currently favoured in France are toothless
  crones who just cackle insanely.
Oh, ignore that. They're just playing hard to get.
By removing all their teeth, going mad and ageing forty years?
That's right, the little teasers!
 -- Edmund and George : Nob and Nobility
%%
Sir, this mans crazy, you can't let him out of the army.
 -- Frank, M*A*S*H
%%
Sir Thomas Moore, for instance, burned alive for refusing to recant
  his Catholicism, must have been kicking himself as the flames
  licked higher, that it never occured to him to say, 'I recant
  my Catholicism'.
 -- Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
Sir To. Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be
no more cakes and ale?
Clo. Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the mouth too.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Sir Winston carried on a life-long feud with Labour Party leader
Aneurin Bevan and, on one occasion, while Mr. Bevan was delivering as
unusually long speech to the House of Commons, Churchill slumped into his
seat and appeared to doze off. When Bevan noticed this, he inquired in
his loudest voice, "Must the right honorable gentleman fall asleep
during my speech?" Receiving no reply, Mr. Bevan continued until, a few
minutes later, the sound of snoring was distinctly audible to all present.
This time Mr. Bevan slammed his hand on the rail and fairly shouted,
"Until now, the Conservative Party had usually managed to conceal the fact
that it was asleep."  Without even opening his eyes, Churchill quiped,
"Flake off, touch-hole" and unconcernedly resumed his nap.
%%
Sir, you have tasted two whole worms; you have hissed all my mystery
lectures and been caught fighting a liar in the quad; you will leave
Oxford by the next town drain.
%%
Sir. You know I told you to go out and spend a lot of money on
  wedding presents. Well, apparently...(sees masses of gold finery
  and piles of glittering ornaments)
Mmm?
......Nothing.
 -- Edmund and George : Amy and Amiability
%%
Siskel and Ebert gave this tagline two thumbs up.
%%
Sissies are too scared to use the Real Telix
%%
Sit down, you're rocking the boat!
%%
:sitename: /si:t'naym/ [UNIX/Internet] n. The unique electronic
   name of a computer system, used to identify it in UUCP mail,
   USENET, or other forms of electronic information interchange.  The
   folklore interest of sitenames stems from the creativity and humor
   they often display.  Interpreting a sitename is not unlike
   interpreting a vanity license plate; one has to mentally unpack it,
   allowing for mono-case and length restrictions and the lack of
   whitespace.  Hacker tradition deprecates dull,
   institutional-sounding names in favor of punchy, humorous, and
   clever coinages (except that it is considered appropriate for the
   official public gateway machine of an organization to bear the
   organization's name or acronym).  Mythological references, cartoon
   characters, animal names, and allusions to SF or fantasy literature
   are probably the most popular sources for sitenames (in roughly
   descending order).  The obligatory comment when discussing these is
   Harris's Lament: "All the good ones are taken!"  See also
   {network address}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sit In:  When you sit down to stand up for your rights...
%%
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me...
%%
Sit quiet, or you'll be wearin'...concrete galoshes.
 -- Scotty
%%
Sits he on ever so high a throne, a man still sits on his bottom.
%%
Sit-stand-kneel; sit-kneel-stand -- Sun am exercise time!
%%
Sits the wind in that corner?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
"Sit there, clod-pate!" cried he; "for let me sit wherever I will,
that will still be the upper end, and the place of worship to thee."
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxi
%%
Sitting down can have unexpected results.
%%
Sitting here with my BUFFER open!!!
%%
Sitting here with nothing to do, sitting here thinking only of you.
%%
Sitting on a hard drive will break your partitions.
%%
Sitting still is essential to the journey.
%%
Sitting watching the railroad tracks rust
%%
Situation normal. Panic accordingly.
%%
Sit, Ubu, sit! Good dog. *woof*
%%
Si vous avez l'argent, j'ai le temps
%%
Six bottles of beer. And quickly please, the world's about to end...
%%
Six essential qualities that are the key to success:
 Sincerity, personal integrity, humility, courtesy, wisdom, and charity.
 -- Dr. William Menninger
%%
Six hours in sleep, in law's grave study six,
Four spend in prayer, the rest on Nature fix.
 -- Sir Edward Coke (1549-1634)
 -- Translation of lines quoted by Coke
%%
Six megs, two monitors, and an attitude.
%%
Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another.
%%
Sixtus V, Pope from 1585 to 1590 authorized a printing of the Vulgate
Bible.  Taking no chances, the pope issued a papal bull automatically
excommunicating any printer who might make an alteration in the text.
This he ordered printed at the beginning of the Bible.  He personally
examined every sheet as it came off the press.  Yet the published
Vulgate Bible contained so many errors that corrected scraps had to be
printed and pasted over them in every copy.  The result provoked wry
comments on the rather patchy papal infallibility, and Pope Sixtus had
no recourse but to order the return and destruction of every copy.
%%
Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead
to confusion and unhappiness.
 -- James Thurber
%%
Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a
progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
 -- Will Durant, in "National Enquirer", 1980
%%
Sixty years from now, you'll start to doubt that the only way to fail in life
 is by not trying.
%%
Six years for possession of a cigarette? I got six months
 for possession of a deadly weapon!
 -- Cartoon by S Harris
%%
SJV: Scramble Jump Vectors
%%
Skaters do it on ice.
%%
Skeet shooters do it twenty-five times in nine different positions.
%%
Skeletons do it with a bone.
%%
Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by
which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect, and it is shameful to
surrender it too soon or to the first comer: there is nobility in
preserving it coolly and proudly through long youth, until at last, in
the ripeness of instinct and discretion, it can be safely exchanged for
fidelity and happiness.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.
 -- George Santayana
%%
Skeptics are seldom deceived.
%%
Skeptics doubt about it.
%%
Skiers do it spread eagled.
%%
Skiers do it with poles.
%%
Skiers go down fast.
%%
Skiing Halted, Operator Broken, Out of Service for Repair
%%
Skiing is so much fun. The bright blue above you...
AND THE BRIGHT BLUE BELOW YOU!
%%
Skiing is spelled A.S.P.E.N.
%%
Skill and confidence are an unconquered army.
 -- George Herbert
%%
Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine guidance.
 -- G. O. Ashley
%%
...skill such as yours is evidence of a misspent youth.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
ski mountaineering: simplified way to move fast, fall a short distance, and
remain uninjured. usually.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Skin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
%%
Skinheads has more hair than brain!
%%
Skinnydippers Unite!
%%
:skrog: v. Syn. {scrog}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:skulker: n. Syn. {prowler}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Skull and crossbones on a background of black...
%%
Skunks do it instinctively.
%%
Skunks have a stripe down the back, polecats none.
%%
Skunks in the Shrubbery: P. Yew
%%
Skyclad dancing to drums, something Wicca this way comes
%%
Skydiver: A guy whose talks fall flat...
%%
Skydivers are good till the last drop.
%%
Skydivers do it at great heights.
%%
Sky divers do it in the air.
%%
SKYDIVERS do it sequentially
%%
Skydivers go down faster!
%%
Skydivers go in harder.
%%
Sky divers NEVER do it without a chute.
%%
Skydiving is good till the last drop.
%%
Skydiving & Maxwell House coffee...Good to the last drop
%%
Skylie:  Phony backdrop of a city you see on "The Tonight Show."
%%
Skylight leaks a little.
%%
Slaads are schmucks.
%%
Slab of Lab
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
SLACK: Get it while you can.
%%
Slack is like freedom, but unlike freedom it brings no responsibility.
%%
:slack: n. 1. Space allocated to a disk file but not actually used
   to store useful information.  The techspeak equivalent is `internal
   fragmentation'.  2. In the theology of the {Church of the
   SubGenius}, a mystical substance or quality that is the
   prerequisite of all human happiness.

   Since UNIX files are stored compactly, except for the unavoidable
   wastage in the last block or fragment, it might be said that "Unix
   has no slack".  See {ha ha only serious}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Slainte 'Gus saul Agat!
%%
Slam,Bang,Crash. I love fine tuning programs.
%%
Slander meets no regard from noble minds; only the base believe what
the base only utter.
 -- Beller
%%
Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves,
spits on its hands and goes to work.
 -- Carl Sandburg, in "New York Times", 1959
%%
SLANG, n.  The grunt of the human hog (_Pignoramus intolerabilis_)
with an audible memory.  The speech of one who utters with his tongue
what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in
accomplishing the feat of a parrot.  A means (under Providence) of
setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:slap on the side: n. (also called a {sidecar}, or abbreviated
   `SOTS'.)  A type of external expansion hardware marketed by
   computer manufacturers (e.g., Commodore for the Amiga 500/1000
   series and IBM for the hideous failure called `PCjr').  Various
   SOTS boxes provided necessities such as memory, hard drive
   controllers, and conventional expansion slots.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:slash: n. Common name for the slant (`/', ASCII 0101111)
   character.  See {ASCII} for other synonyms.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Slave boy, down on your knees, kissing and licking
 ____at_the_heel_of_your_mistress!"__1-800-EAT-SPAM____
%%
SLAVE: part of a garment.  "It's a long slave shirt!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Slavery's not just a job, it's indenture.
%%
Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not,
when a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and
apparently incoherent songs.  I was myself within the circle, so that I
neither saw nor heard as those without might see and hear.  They told a
tale which was then altogether beyond my feeble comprehension:  they
were tones, loud, long and deep, breathing the prayer and complaint of
souls boiling over with the bitterest anguish.  Every tone was a
testimony against slavery, and a prayer to God for deliverance from
chains.
 -- Frederick Douglass
%%
Slaves cannot breathe in England; if their lungs
Receive our air, that moment they are free!
They touch our country, and their shackles fall.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 40
%%
Slaves do it for the masters.
%%
Slave to no Sect. who takes no private road,
But looks through Nature up to Nature's God.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 331
%%
S&L Bailout?  The newest trend in Socialism for Banks.
Its motto:
 "From each according to his stupidity,
 To each according to his greed."
%%
Sleazegate and Disk Mangler - What a pair!
%%
Sleazegate - The First Name in Disc Drives
%%
SLEDGE-O-MATIC: For life's most difficult problems.
%%
Sleep can interfere with the acquisition of profit.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #103
%%
Sleep deprivation is fun--you see such pretty colors.
%%
Sleep faster: we need the pillows.
%%
SLEEP? I'm a Consultant!!
%%
SLEEP? I'm a programmer!
%%
SLEEP? I'm a SYSOP!
%%
Sleeping alone, except under doctor's orders, does much harm. Children will
 tell you how lonely it is sleeping alone. If possible you should always
 sleep with someone you love. You recharge your mutual batteries free of
 charge.
 -- Marlene Dietrich
%%
Sleeping Aloud is not Allowed in this library!!
%%
Sleeping is 1/60 part death.
%%
Sleep in the chair - nothing to lose But a nap at the wheel - is a
 permanent snooze.
%%
Sleep is a death; oh, make me try
By sleeping what it is to die,
And as gently lay my head
On my grave as now my bed!
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part ii, Sect. xii
%%
Sleep is a totally inadequate substitute for caffeine....
%%
Sleep is for wimps. Happy, healthy, well-rested wimps,
but wimps nonetheless
%%
Sleep is lovely, death is better still, not to have been born is
of course the miracle.
 -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Sleep is nature's way of telling you to go to bed.
%%
Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you
 should hold your peace, walk not on when others stop.
 -- George Washington
%%
Sleep: (n.) the short time between BBS'ing and work.
%%
Sleep... Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death....
 -- Longfellow
%%
Sleep shall neither night nor day
Hang upon his pent-house lid.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Sleep? Sleep is when you're not logged in...
 -- tlw
%%
Sleep sweetly, tender heart, in peace!
  Sleep, holy spirit, blessed soul,
While the stars burn, the moons increase,
  And the great ages onward roll.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- To J. S.
%%
SLEEP: that fleeting moment just before the alarm.
%%
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Sleep till the end, true soul and sweet!
  Nothing comes to thee new or strange.
Sleep full of rest from head to feet;
  Lie still, dry dust, secure of change.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- To J. S.
%%
:sleep: vi. 1. [techspeak] To relinquish a claim (of a process on a
   multitasking system) for service; to indicate to the scheduler that
   a process may be deactivated until some given event occurs or a
   specified time delay elapses.  2. In jargon, used very similarly to
   v. {block}; also in `sleep on', syn. with `block on'.
   Often used to indicate that the speaker has relinquished a demand
   for resources until some (possibly unspecified) external event:
   "They can't get the fix I've been asking for into the next
   release, so I'm going to sleep on it until the release, then start
   hassling them again."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sleep warm, love well, and carry a big stick.
%%
Sleep well and dream of large women.
%%
Sleep? What's that??  MEGA message READer
%%
SLEEP: What you do to pass the time when a hockey game isn't on.
%%
Sleep with a Photographer and see what develops...
%%
Slept too close to his radium-dial watch.
%%
S&L, Go To Hell, Clip the pigs wings!
%%
Slicing through the night.
%%
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Slightly deaf students will have instructors who mumble.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.
 -- Euripides
%%
Slime beneath me, ummmm, slime up above....ooooh, you'll love my
%%
Slime!  Dog luvs u!  ( Dyslexics for Christ )
%%
Slime is the agony of water.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre
%%
Slime molds are the lowest form of life...maybe excepting lawyers.
%%
Slimey? Mud hole? My HOME this is!
 -- Yoda
%%
:slim: n. A small, derivative change (e.g., to code).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Slimy yet satisfying............Lion King
%%
sling: versatile strap dating to biblical times. when david the israelite
descended into the vale of elah, after a hard day of climbing, he used a sling
to slay the philistine goliath.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Slinky's kinked.
%%
Slipped Cthulhu a Mickey... Now need new mouse!
%%
...Slippin' and slidin' my whole life through, but I get everything done
 that I got to do...
 -- Lucky Seven Sampson, from Multiplication Rock
%%
Slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure.
%%

SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they
compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the
coffee.  Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom
sitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to
compile.  Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but
infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #13: SLOBOL
%%
Slogans that never made it off the drawing board:

   Acme Elevators: "We never let you down!"
   Acme Diet Plan: "You can't lose!"
   Acme Pregnancy Test: "Be positive every time!"
   "Sink your life savings in an Acme boat!"
   "Acme razors are a cut above the competition!"
   "Take Ex-Lax, for that 'get-up-and-go' feeling!"
%%
:slop: n. 1. A one-sided {fudge factor}, that is, an allowance for
   error but in only one of two directions.  For example, if you need
   a piece of wire 10 feet long and have to guess when you cut it,
   you make very sure to cut it too long, by a large amount if
   necessary, rather than too short by even a little bit, because you
   can always cut off the slop but you can't paste it back on again.
   When discrete quantities are involved, slop is often introduced to
   avoid the possibility of being on the losing side of a {fencepost
   error}.  2. The percentage of `extra' code generated by a compiler
   over the size of equivalent assembler code produced by
   {hand-hacking}; i.e., the space (or maybe time) you lose because
   you didn't do it yourself.  This number is often used as a measure
   of the goodness of a compiler; slop below 5% is very good, and
   10% is usually acceptable.  With modern compiler technology, esp.
   on RISC machines, the compiler's slop may actually be
   *negative*; that is, humans may be unable to generate code as
   good.  This is one of the reasons assembler programming is no
   longer common.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sloppy and proud of it.
%%
Sloppy as a soup sandwich.
%%
Sloppy JOE.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Sloppy, raggedy-assed old life.
I love it. I never want to die.
 -- Dennis Trudell
%%
:slopsucker: /slop'suhk-r/ n. A lowest-priority task that
   waits around until everything else has `had its fill' of machine
   resources.  Only when the machine would otherwise be idle is the
   task allowed to `suck up the slop'.  Also called a `hungry puppy'
   or `bottom feeder'.  One common variety of slopsucker hunts for
   large prime numbers.  Compare {background}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sloth makes all things difficult, but industry all easy; and he that riseth
late, must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night;
while laziness travels so slowly, that poverty soon overtakes him.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Slow as molasses in January.
%%
Slow drivers are the cholesterol of life clogging the arteries of America.
%%
Slower Traffic Keep Left  -  Is that so difficult???
%%
Slower Traffic Keep Right  -  Is that so difficult?
%%
Slowest thing in the world: nudist going through a barbed wire fence.
%%
Slowly and sadly we laid him down,
  From the field of his fame fresh and gory;
We carved not a line, and we raised not a stone,
  But we left him alone with his glory.
 -- Charles Wolfe (1791-1823)
 -- The Burial of Sir John Moore
%%
Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
%%
Slowly inching up while stopped at a red light makes it change quicker.
%%
Slow programmers Prog-crastinate....
%%
SLP: Sharpen Light Pen
%%
Sluggish idleness -the nurse of sin.
 -- Spenser
%%
Slug Sautee: a hors of a different d'oeuvre.
%%
 _____/\    /\    /\
  |  |  |  |  |     ..
      __|__|__|__|__|____//         Slug-tuned coil.
...../__|_____|_____|____/
        |  |  |  |  |
 |  |  |  |  |  _____
   \/    \/    \/
%%
Slums may well be breeding grounds of crime,
but middle class suburbs are incubators of apathy and delirium.
 -- Cyril Connolly, "The Unquiet Grave" 1945
%%
Slurm, n.: The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it
sits in the dish too long.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
Slurpeesloppy: clothing style worn to convenience stores after 11pm.
%%
:slurp: vt. To read a large data file entirely into {core} before
   working on it.  This may be contrasted with the strategy of reading
   a small piece at a time, processing it, and then reading the next
   piece.  "This program slurps in a 1K-by-1K matrix and does
   an FFT."  See also {sponge}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SMACK! SMACK!  Oh dear, it appears that reality is on the blink again
%%
Small boat sailors do it by pumping, rocking, and ooching.
%%
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere.
%%
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Comedy of Errors
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Small children, given a playground, a meadow or a stretch of street,
will at once begin to create a sport based on the relationships of
trees, posts, benches or whatever.  When the code is complete and sides
chosen, woe to the child who makes the aberrant move in the game.  There
are cries of "You can't do that.  It's the rule!"  The odd phrase "It's
the rule," shouted by children all over the world in different
languages, is an impassioned demand for the maintenance of an orderly
world.
 -- Heywood Hale Broun (1888-1939)
%%
Small children, small problems.
 -- Italian Proverb
%%
Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.
%%
Small habits well pursued betimes
May reach the dignity of crimes.
 -- Hannah More (1745-1833)
 -- Florio, Part i
%%
Small have continual plodders ever won
  Save base authority from others' books.
These earthly godfathers of heaven's lights
  That give a name to every fixed star
Have no more profit of their shining nights
  Than those that walk and wot not what they are.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Small is beautiful.
 -- Schumacher's Dictum
%%
Small is the number of them that see with their own eyes, and feel with their
own hearts.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
 -- Demosthenes, Athenian orator and statesman
%%
Small pitchers have wyde eares.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
Small programs are for small minds.
%%
Smalltalkers do it dynamically.
%%
Smalltalk programmers have more methods.
%%
Small things make base men proud.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
%%
Small to greater matters must give way.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Small town sign: "Speed Limit 15 MPH: Our kids can't run any faster."
%%
Small Vegetables: Russell Sprout
%%
Small, wily, mostly for profit.  Lots of small
independent operators who occasionally gang up.
 -- DOS, and the Ferengi
%%
:smart: adj. Said of a program that does the {Right Thing} in a
   wide variety of complicated circumstances.  There is a difference
   between calling a program smart and calling it intelligent; in
   particular, there do not exist any intelligent programs (yet ---
   see {AI-complete}).  Compare {robust} (smart programs can be
   {brittle}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Smart Beer Making: Bud Wiser.
%%
Smart Bomb: "Cogito Ergo Boom."
%%
...smart like a dog.
          -This is meant to indicate intelligence.  It has to be said in a
gruff accent of some sort while tapping your forehead meaningfully to get
the full effect.
%%
"Smart Man" by Gene Yuss
%%
Smart Office Solutions - for Complete Solutions!
%%
Smart people speak from experience.
Smarter people, from experience, don't speak.
%%
Smart? She knows 300 phone numbers by heart.
%%
:smart terminal: n. 1. A terminal that has enough computing
   capability to render graphics or to offload some kind of front-end
   processing from the computer it talks to.  The development of
   workstations and personal computers has made this term and the
   product it describes semi-obsolescent, but one may still hear
   variants of the phrase `act like a smart terminal' used to
   describe the behavior of workstations or PCs with respect to
   programs that execute almost entirely out of a remote {server}'s
   storage, using said devices as displays.  2. obs. Any terminal with
   an addressable cursor; the opposite of a {glass tty}.  Today, a
   terminal with merely an addressable cursor, but with none of the
   more-powerful features mentioned in sense 1, is called a {dumb
   terminal}.

   There is a classic quote from Rob Pike (inventor of the {blit}
   terminal): "A smart terminal is not a smart*ass* terminal,
   but rather a terminal you can educate."  This illustrates a common
   design problem: The attempt to make peripherals (or anything else)
   intelligent sometimes results in finicky, rigid `special
   features' that become just so much dead weight if you try to use
   the device in any way the designer didn't anticipate.  Flexibility
   and programmability, on the other hand, are *really* smart.
   Compare {hook}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:smash case: vi. To lose or obliterate the uppercase/lowercase
   distinction in text input.  "MS-DOS will automatically smash case
   in the names of all the files you create."  Compare {fold case}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Smash face on keyboard to continue.
%%
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
%%
Smash head on keyboard to continue.
%%
Smash His Lobster!: Buster Crabbe
%%
Smash the face of the violents!
%%
:smash the stack: [C programming] n. To corrupt the execution stack
   by writing past the end of a local array or other data structure.
   Code that smashes the stack can cause a return from the routine to
   jump to a random address, resulting in some of the most insidious
   data-dependent bugs known to mankind.  Variants include `trash'
   the stack, {scribble} the stack, {mangle} the stack; the term
   **{mung} the stack is not used, as this is never done
   intentionally.  See {spam}; see also {aliasing bug},
   {fandango on core}, {memory leak}, {memory smash},
   {precedence lossage}, {overrun screw}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SMC: Scramble Memory Contents
%%
SMD: Spontaneous Memory Dump
%%
smear: long, vertical mark left on rock surface by a climber whose friction
move has failed.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Smear the road with a runner!!
%%
Smetana mistakenly showed up at a theater across the street from the one in
 which his opera was playing. He didn't know which side his bride was
 bartered on.
 -- Henry Morgan
%%
S met ing's hap ening t  my k ybo rd . .
%%
Smile, and the whole world thinks you're laughing at them.
%%
Smile, and the world smiles with you.
Frown, and you frown alone.
%%
Smile, and the world smiles with you.
Frown, and you get credit for thinking.
%%
Smile, and you'll get one back.
%%
Smile, but sharpen your knives.
%%
Smile! Cthulhu is ignoring you!
%%
Smile, Cthulhu loathes you!
%%
Smile, hockey season is upon us!
%%
Smile, if you are Jesus.
%%
Smile, if you are wearing sexy underwear.
%%
Smile, I hope you enjoyed and were not offended by the fact the tags
%%
Smile! It gives your face something to do.
%%
Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody's heart.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Smile. It pleases your friends and annoys your enemies!
%%
Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
%%
Smile, or I'll kill you.
%%
Smiles from reason flow,
To brute deny'd, and are of love the food.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 239
%%
Smile, someone is watching !
%%
"Smile" they said, "It could be worse".
So I did - and it was...
%%
Smile, things could get worse. And they will.
%%
Smile, things may get worse more slowly.
%%
Smile ..... tomorrow will be worse.
 -- The Murphy Philosophy
%%
Smile when you say "Damn Yankee."
%%
Smile with an intent to do mischief, or cozen him whom he salutes.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
 -- SMILEY

 );}
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-))
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;<(
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;>)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =^)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:0
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (00) mooning you
%%
 -- SMILEY

 0:-) angel
%%
 -- SMILEY

 0-) arc-welder
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-0 can't find shift key
%%
 -- SMILEY

 0-) Cyclops
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {0-) Cyclops
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =0== Mexican on a railroad!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-0 No Yelling! (Quiet Lab)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-0 orator
%%
 -- SMILEY

 0-) scuba diver
%%
 -- SMILEY

 0-( scuba diver with a broken mask
%%
 -- SMILEY

 0-) smiley cyclops (scuba diver?)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-(0) yelling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-1 bland face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-1 smiley bland face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 2B|^2B "Forty Seconal should suffice"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 2B|^2B message about Shakespeare
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :^) 3/4 view of person with elf-type sharp nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 3 :-) Bart Simpson
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :3-< dog
%%
 -- SMILEY

 3:[ mean pet smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 3:-o cow
%%
 -- SMILEY

 3:o[ net.pets
%%
 -- SMILEY

 3:] pet smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 3:*> Rudolph the reindeer
%%
 -- SMILEY

 4:-) George Washington
%%
 -- SMILEY

 5:-) Elvis Presley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-6 after eating something sour
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-6 braindead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 6\/) elephant
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :/7) Cyrano de Bergerac
%%
 -- SMILEY

 7:-) Fred Flintstone
%%
 -- SMILEY

 7:) Ronald Reagan
%%
 -- SMILEY

 7:^] Ronald Reagan
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-7 smiley after a wry statement
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-7 smokes a pipe
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-7 talking out of side of mouth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-7 wry face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8->
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =8')
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >8-<
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =8-> a nerd smiley that's unbearably pleased with itself
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :=8) baboon
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8b bullfrog in mating season
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *8-) Beaker (the Muppet lab assistant)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 [8-{) bearded smiley with glasses and headphones
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8=:-) chef
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8^ chicken
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-8( condescending stare
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-# death
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) 8 Dolly Parton
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8_) don't get your nose out of joint
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-) excited
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-| eyes wide with surprise
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8) frog
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8*) glasses and a moustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (8-{)} glasses, moustache and a beard
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8:-) glasses on forehead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8:] gorilla
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {8-} grinning mischievously (or just charmingly)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 /8^{~ hair line, glasses, moustache, and goatee
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8 :-I net.unix-wizards
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8 infinity
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-) "I was the second gunman"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-* just ate a hot pepper
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (}-8] left-handed bearded smiley with glasses and headphones
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8:-) little girl
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)8 man with bowtie
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8(:-) Mickey Mouse
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8(:-) Mousketeer
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >8o!... Bugs Bunny with carrot
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-O --* just before doubling over with pain
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (8-o Mr. Bill
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-o Mr. Bill
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~~\8-O needs to fix frayed cord on terminal
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-O "Omigod!!" (done after "rm -rf *" ?)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 \/\/\/\,8-O really should fix frayed line cord on terminal
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-O took too many nodoz to work on thesis
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~~~\8-O zapped by frayed cord on terminal
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8P bullfrog in mating season
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8:) pig
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :8) pig
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-P reaction to College Cafeteria Coffee
%%
 -- SMILEY

 )8-) scuba smiley big-face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-{)  - Smiley with fake glasses/moustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~~~~~8} snake
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-S sees all evil
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-) sunglasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-| suspense
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-) swimmer
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-8 talking out both sides of your mouth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8(:-) Walt Disney
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (8-) wears glasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)8 well dressed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-) wide-eyed look
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8 :-) wizard
%%
 -- SMILEY

 8-] "wow, maaan"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *<8-)X party outfit with hat and bow-tie
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)-- 98-pound weakling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-9 licking its lips
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-9 smiley licking it's lips
%%
 -- SMILEY

 .---... ABBA fan
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =|:-) Abe Lincoln
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =|:-)= Abe Lincoln
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ?-( about people with a black eye
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >< >< about/to someone wearing argyle socks
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >-< absolutely livid!!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~= a candle, to annotate flaming messages
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ':-) accidentally shaved off one of his eyebrows this morning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-=) Adolph Hitler
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {:^=( Adolph Hitler
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -= a doused candle (to end a flame)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :<() African tribesman
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :_) after a fight where his nose was smashed in
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %') after drinking a fifth for lunch
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-* after eating something bitter or sour
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-{ -__-: after slamming the toilet seat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-) after staring at the terminal for 36 hours
%%
 -- SMILEY

 _______ a He-Ne laser line
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-a lefty smiley touching tongue to nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 $-) Alex P. Keaton (from "Family Ties")
%%
 -- SMILEY

 { Alfred Hitchcock
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:) a little devil
%%
 -- SMILEY

  -( always should wear safety glasses, especially in the laser burn-in
room
%%
 -- SMILEY

 _:^) American Indian
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :%) an accountant
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-& angry
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-|| angry
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) a practical joker who played one too many and got beat up
%%
 -- SMILEY

 { a psycho
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)== Arnold Schwarzenegger
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @>--->---- a rose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *!#*!^*&:-) a schizophrenic
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-) asleep (boredom)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-( asleep with nightmares
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :<| attends an Ivy League school
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <:>== a turkey emoticon
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-: Australian
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }-) a wry grin
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-(8 Sir Robin Day (a British BBC TV presenter, famed for his grumpy
countenance, and who wears glasses and a bow tie)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 := | Baboon
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-% banker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-) Batman
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-| cheap sunglasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-B drooling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-D "Serves you right, dummy!!"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-} beard
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-{~ bearded
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-% bearded
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-@ beard has permanent wave *or* was drawn by Picasso.
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-( beaten up
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) beaten up
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-| beaten up but silent
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-| been working all night
%%
 -- SMILEY

 !|:-( ) being brained by a baseball bat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B) frog wearing sunglasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-) "Holy trichinosis!"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B^) hornrimmed glasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-) horn-rims
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-) big-face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :------------) big liar
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:+) big nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :>) big nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-(=) big teeth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-b "I have a longer tongue than Gene Simmons, only it is cloven"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-bill Zydeco Bill, with harmonica in mouth and washboard on chest
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-) "I pray daily for death"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-[ biting criticism
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-] biting sarcasm
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-> biting sarcastic face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:<) blabber mouth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 !-( black eye
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-! bland face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-b left-pointing tongue
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:-b left-pointing tongue smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-) "Let's do the beach, man!"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-[ blockhead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-] blockhead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( boo hoo
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:*) Bozo the Clown
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-# braces
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-) broken glasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:^( broken nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :^) broken nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :b sticking out tongue
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B-) sunglasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 B:-) sunglasses on head
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }:-( bull headed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-#| bushy mustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 C=>8*) devilish chef with glasses and a moustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :+) Carl Friedrich Gauss
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }:-< cat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~~~c___ beach
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :c) big nose variant
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :c< big nose variant
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-c bummed out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 C|:-= Charlie Chaplin
%%
 -- SMILEY

 C=:-) chef
%%
 -- SMILEY

 C:# football player
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ) Cheshire cat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :) Cheshire cat smile
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ; Cheshire cat with gingivitis
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >-> china man
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <|-) Chinese
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <|-)= Chinese
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >|-> Chinese
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <|-( Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <|-(= Chinese and doesn't like this article
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <|-(= Chinese and unhappy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-) Chinese, same as :-) but poster is Oriental
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-C just totally unbelieving
%%
 -- SMILEY

 C:-) large brain capacity
%%
 -- SMILEY

 C=}>;*{)) mega-smiley... a drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an
updraft, a mustache, and a double chin
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) Comedy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 C=}>;*{O) mega-smiley... a drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an
updraft, a mustache, and a double chin
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-( confusion
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) could be pirate smiling face??
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-C really bummed out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-c real unhappy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-) cross-eyed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 &.(.. crying
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :'( crying
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :'-( crying
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :,( crying
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~-( crying
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;( crying
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-( crying
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :'-) crying with happiness
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) crying with happiness
%%
 -- SMILEY

 &:-) curly hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :C what?
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @-) Cyclops
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *-( Cyclops got poked in the eye
%%
 -- SMILEY

 d8= Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-D a friendly, winking, laughing smile
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ,:-) David Ogden Stiers' toupee
%%
 -- SMILEY

 d:-) baseball player
%%
 -- SMILEY

 d:-( Baseball player on strike...
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-D big smile
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-D blabber mouth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-> deformed lips
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-| :-| deja' vu
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:-) devil
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:-> devilish
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >;-) devilish wink
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :^D "Great! I like it!"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-D ho ho
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <:-( disappointed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-D laughing (at you!)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :D laughter
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-d lefty smiley razzing you
%%
 -- SMILEY

 d :-o hats off to your great idea
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :$) Donald Trump
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-: Don Ellis from Tektronix
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)) double chin
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ::=)) double vision or needs new shocks
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( Drama
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)' drooling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)~ drooling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :*) drunk smiling face, for those of us who like get intoxicated before
or while reading netnews
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-) drunk with laughter
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-D said with a smile
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-d~ smokes heavily
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :d stick out your tongue
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-D talking too much
%%
 -- SMILEY

 \/ duck variation
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <:-) dumb questions
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <:-( dunce
%%
 -- SMILEY

 d.'v (profile) wearing hard hat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-D wider happy face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-E bucktoothed vampire
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) :-( :-| :-? Edgar Cayce
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-e disappointed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :*) Ed McMahon
%%
 -- SMILEY

 E-:-) ham radio operator
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-E has major dental problems
%%
 -- SMILEY

 E-:-I net.ham-radio
%%
 -- SMILEY

 EK( Frankenstein
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-) Elephant man
%%
 -- SMILEY

 __! enough for now
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '~;E ( unhappy Cheshire cat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '~;E unspecified 4-legged critter
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :*) everyman
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #:-) "Everything you know is wrong"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-E: wearing bifocals
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |:-| excessively rigid
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-@ extremely angry
%%
Smiley faces were meant to be annoying.
%%
SMILEY FASHION REPORT IN BRIEF
This Summer, short is IN!
So, get rid of your daggy old :-) 's, and start stocking
up on the new, dynamic :)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-F bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-} fiendish grin
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >-^);> fish
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @= flame about nuclear war, power or weapons follows (mushroom cloud)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~== flame follows (picture of a lit match or candle)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 $$ for academic jobs
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ->- for airline tickets going cheap
%%
 -- SMILEY

 % for bike accidents (a bit far-fetched, I suppose)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 | for bike fleet messages
%%
 -- SMILEY

 /\ for camping and backpacking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 $$$ for industrial jobs
%%
 -- SMILEY

 || for messages about cars or other four-wheeled vehicles
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {= for messages about housing
%%
 -- SMILEY

 [= for messages about housing in Arizona
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <= for messages about housing in the Snow Belt
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *| for oh what a beautiful sunset
%%
 -- SMILEY

 $$$$ for people starting up their own company
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #:-) for people whose hair is in a mess, like mine
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :<)= for those with beards too
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :^{ for those with moustaches
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ** for winter sports generally
%%
 -- SMILEY

 \:-) french hat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (|-| F Robocop
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :<) from an Ivy League School
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-( frowning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :( frowning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( frowning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-< frowning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-f sticking tongue out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *:* fuzzy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *:** fuzzy with a fuzzy mustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) getting fresh
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :] Gleep...a friendly midget smiley who will gladly be your friend
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-{ "Good Grief!" (Charlie Brown?)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-| grim
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |:[' Groucho Marx
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-G- smoking cigarettes
%%
 -- SMILEY

 \:^) gumby smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 g-) wearing pince-nez glasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) ha ha
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {:-) hair parted in the middle
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }:-) hair parted in the middle in an updraft
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ||*) handshake accepted
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ||*( handshake offered
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :) happy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) happy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-> happy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ^(^ happy variation
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :%)% has acne
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-'| has a cold
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-~) has a cold
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ?-( has black eye
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)} has goatee/beard
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :^( has had his nose put out of joint; useful for replying to flames
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -:) has mohawk
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -:-) has mohawk
%%
 -- SMILEY

 /;-) has one big thick cockeyed eyebrow
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-{~ has read too many of the toilet paper articles previous to lunch
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :=) has two noses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <<<<(:-) hat salesman
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-| "have an ordinary day"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '-_-' Have you hugged your wolf today?
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:^( headhunter (Amazon style)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-... heart-broken
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |:-) heavy eyebrows
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-{} heavy lipstick
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-" heavy smoker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-) hee hee
%%
 -- SMILEY

 - Helen Keller
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-> hey hey
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =:-H football player
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (H f Robocop in a hydraulic press
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :> hmm, let me think...
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-, "Hmmmm."
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =:-) hosehead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 [] hugs
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) humorous
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-} humor variation
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %*@:-( hung over
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-\ hungover
%%
 -- SMILEY

 !-| "I-am-a-Cylon-Centurian-with-one-red-eye-bouncing-back-and-forth."
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-# I am smiling and I have braces (watch out for the glare!)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |I asleep
%%
 -- SMILEY

 Ic:() pygmy with bone in hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-<I> drunk with laughter
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <:-I dunce
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <:I dunce
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-I egghead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:I egghead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) "If you touch my daughter again, they won't be blanks"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 I-)   <-- Geordi LaForge
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-I hmm
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :I Hmmm, not funny!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-I indifferent
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <I==I) on four wheels
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-(>~ "I just washed my goatee, and I can't do nuthin' with it."
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~#:-( "I just washed my hair, and I can't do nuthin' with it."
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-(I) laughing out loud
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-$ ill
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-$ ill-informed about the Renaissance
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <{:-)} in a bottle
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <:-)<<| in a space rocket
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @:-) Indian (East)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:-I net.startrek
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-) "I never sang for my grandfather"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) . innie belly button
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :/i no smoking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 i-=<****** o-(==< CAUTION: has flame thrower and uses it!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-i semi-smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-I sleeping
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-() I stubbed my toe
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-@ "I swear"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >[I Television
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-I thinking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @:I turban
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( "I will start with those you love most"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '^J
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:^( Jack Nicholson in Chinatown
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :--) Jamie Farr (Klinger from M*A*S*H)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :(=) Jimmy Carter
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :###) Jimmy Durante
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-j left smiling smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -) Jose Feliciano
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'J (profile) smiling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-J tongue-in-cheek comments
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @:-} just back from the hairdresser
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @= "Kafka was a momma's boy"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-k beats me, looks like something, though
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-|K- formally attired
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :* kisses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-* kissing
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-<> kissy face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +<||-) knight
%%
 -- SMILEY

 K:P a little kid with a propeller beanie
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-( late at night
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *L* blotto
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-} leer? (terminal dependent)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-: left-handed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-/ lefty undecided smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 : ) leper
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ^L^ happy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:)-) likes to scuba dive
%%
 -- SMILEY

 __/~'-'~\_/ line of thought isn't quite a line
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-} lipstick
%%
 -- SMILEY

 [:-) listening to walkman
%%
 -- SMILEY

 L:-) just graduated
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-) long bangs
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %+{ lost a fight
%%
 -- SMILEY

 \.^./ lotus position, seen from above
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) :-) :-) loud guffaw
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @l@ too many hours at terminal
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-l yet another smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( mad
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:-< mad
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:-( mad, annoyed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-.) Madonna
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :- male
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) ... :-( ... :-) ... :-(  => Manic depressive
%%
 -- SMILEY

 { :-) Marge Simpson (Homer's wife)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-.) Marilyn Monroe
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) )-: masking theatrical comments
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~M''~ camel
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }:^#}) mega-smiley: updrafted bushy-mustached pointy nosed smiley with a
double-chin
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }:~#}) mega-smiley: updrafted bushy-mustached ugly nosed smiley with a
double-chin
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <&&> message concerning rubber chickens
%%
 -- SMILEY

 - @= messages about nuclear war
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-{#} messages teasing people about their braces
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :) midget smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :> midget smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :< midget unsmiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 M.^.M nirvana or the failure of a chiropracter
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +<:-| monk/nun
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-< moustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-{) moustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :^{)> moustache and beard
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-$ mouth wired shut
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-# mouth zipped
%%
 -- SMILEY

 /:-| Mr. Spock
%%
 -- SMILEY

 M:-) saluting
%%
 -- SMILEY

 M-) sees no evil
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-M speaking no evil
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-{ mustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-: mutant smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 M-),:X),:-M sees no evil, hears no evil, speaks no evil
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-# my lips are sealed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-) needing a haircut
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-) needs a haircut
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~) needs a nosejob
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~~:-( net.flame
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {:-) new hair style
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {:-{)} new hair style, mustache and beard
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :n) funny-looking right nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {} 'no comment'
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-| no expression face gets his lights punched out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-| no expression face, 'that comment doesn't phase me'
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-) no hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-{) normal smiling face with a moustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-} normal smiling face with pretty lips
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~( nose put out of joint
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :_) nose sliding off face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :/) not funny
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @%&$%& N.W.A. fan
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O 8-) the angelic halo look
%%
 -- SMILEY

 o= a burning candle (for flames)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O:-) acting very innocent (halo)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O :-) an angel (at heart, at least)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O+ appropriate for women's messages, surely?
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #:o+= Betty Boop
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-O birth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :'O Bob Hope
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-O bored
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *:o) Bozo the Clown
%%
 -- SMILEY

 oCc:-) - Carmen Miranda
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O-(==< chastised and/or chagrined, or is merely asleep.
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O-) cyclops
%%
 -- SMILEY

 o-) cyclops
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O-&-< doing nothing
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <*:oDX clown with bowtie and dunce
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <:-O Eeek!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (O--< fishy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >>-O-> General Custer
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O-G-< pointing to self
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :{ oh boy, the headmaster!...
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-o-) Imperial Tie Fighter ("Star Wars")
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #:-o "Jesus built my hotrod"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-=) older smiley with mustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O-) Megaton Man, on patrol!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-O Mr. Bill
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-o Mr. Bill
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -) one eye
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -] one eye
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ,-) one eye ... and winking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '-) one eyed man
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O |-) net.religion
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '-) only has a left eye, which is closed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |:-O (no explanation given)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O>-<|= of interest to women
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ===:[OO']>:=== has been railroaded
%%
 -- SMILEY

 OO headlights on msg
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-O ohh, big mouth, Mick Jagger
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #:-o "Oh, nooooooo!" (a la Mr. Bill)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-o "Oh, nooooooo!" (a la Mr. Bill)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-o "Oh, the humanity!"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 oo "It's cold out"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-* Oops! (covering mouth with hand)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 oo- puzzled, confused
%%
 -- SMILEY

 oO:-)*** Santa Claus
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-O>-o smiley American tourist (note big mouth and camera)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 oo somebody's head-lights are on
%%
 -- SMILEY

 \o/ PTL (praise the lord, or pass the loot?)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 o/ raised hand
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :=) orangutan
%%
 -- SMILEY

 o-<:-{{{ santa
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O-) scuba diver
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-o shocked
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O-S-< in a hurry
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-o singing national anthem
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #:-o smiley done by someone with matted hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)-O smiling doctor with stethoscope
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |^o snoring
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :o) Stimpy (of Ren & Stimpy)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-o surprise
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =-O the Enterprise
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =-O~~~ the Enterprise firing phasers
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =-O * * * the Enterprise firing photon torpedoes
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +O:-) the Pope
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ,-) other eyed man
%%
Smile! You could have married a Redheaded Computer Hater!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-O uh oh!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-o Uh oh!
%%
Smile! You're on Candid Camera!
%%
Smile! You're on Candid Compucamera!
%%
Smile! You're on Candid Modem!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) , outie belly button
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O:-) with halo
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-O Wow!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-o yawn
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-O yawning/snoring
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-(O) yelling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-O yelling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 O-Z-< in a big hurry
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~ :-( particularly angry
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #-) partied all night
%%
 -- SMILEY

 P-) Colonel Klink (Hogan's Heroes)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +<:-) "Peace be upon you, my children..."
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~~~~~:> person in a transporter beam
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~) Peter Ubberoth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 P-) getting fresh
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-P has a secret to tell you
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :?) philosopher
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~~~~~> photon
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-^ Picasso
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-~ Picasso
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :@) pig
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-P " I have a longer tongue than Gene Simmons"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-P Nyahhhh!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-P nyah nyah
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~) pointy nose (righty)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-\ Popeye
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-\ Popeye beaten up
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-[ pouting
%%
 -- SMILEY

 pp# cow
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'P (profile) sticking tongue out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 pq'#' bull
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-P reaction to unusually ugly C code
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-} pretty lips
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +-:-) priest
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +:-) priest
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '\ (profile) frowning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '! (profile) grim
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '" (profile) pursing lips
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :- prolog programmer
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @= pro-nuclear war
%%
 -- SMILEY

 __. properly chastised and/or chagrined, or is merely asleep
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-p smiley sticking its tongue out (at you!)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-p~ smokes heavily
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-P sticking out tongue
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :P sticking out tongue
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-P tongue hanging out in anticipation
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-# punched in the mouth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :+( punched nose, hurt
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;^? punched out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -:-) punk rocker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =:-) punk rocker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 - -:-) punk rocker (alternate version)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -:-( punk rocker (real punk rockers don't smile)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =:-( punk rocker (real punk rockers don't smile)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 - -:-( punk rocker (real punk rockers don't smile) (alternate version)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =:-#} punk rocker with a mustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-" pursing lips
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-P yuk
%%
 -- SMILEY

 __Q~'__ cat
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :Q) John Q. Public
%%
 -- SMILEY

 Q:-) new graduate
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-Q smoker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-Q~ smoking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :Q smoking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-q trying to touch its tongue to its nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :q vi user saying, "How do I get out of this damn emacs editor?"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 q:-) wearing baseball cap backwards
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :Q what?
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ==#== railroad crossings
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:<) Rastafari
%%
 -- SMILEY

 R-) broken glasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :[ real downer
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;:-) really bad toupee
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~/ really mixed up
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-< real sad smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 () reference to football
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (!) reference to non-Vanderbilt SEC football
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {{-}}} refugee from the '60's
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +-(:-) Religious leader
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-R has the flu
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :'} Richard Nixon
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ([( Robocop
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >|( Robocop: "Thank you for your co-operation."
%%
 -- SMILEY

 [:] robot
%%
 -- SMILEY

 [:|] robot (or other AI project)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-& Rosicrucian
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'r (profile) sticking tongue out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 r:-) wearing ponytail
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :( sad
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-( sad face gets his lights punched out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( sad face, 'that comment makes me sad (mad)'
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-( sad or mad and got beat up
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %-{ sad variation
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-s after a BIZARRE comment
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-# said something he shouldn't have
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :) salamander
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |) salamander
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)!!! Sam Kinnison
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -) Sammy Davis, Jr.
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *<:-) Santa Claus
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *<|:-)) Santa Claus
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *<|:-) Santa Claus (Ho Ho Ho)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-[ sarcastic
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-] sarcastic
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) sardonic incredulity
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-| says nothing but still gets beat up
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-@ screaming
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-_-) secret smile
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @-) seeing stars
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-$ sellout (does NOT rhyme with zealot!)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ,:-) shaved his left eyebrow off this morning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) :-) :-) :-) Shirley MacLaine (think about it)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *-) shot dead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-::-) Siamese twins
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-:|:-) Siamese twins
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >:-( sick and tired of reading this nonsense
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-(*) sick of netnews articles, about to vomit
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ?:) single curl of hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-S just made an incoherent statement
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-/ skeptical
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (,'%/) slept too long on one side
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #(,'%/) slept too long on one side and didn't have time to wash hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :*) smile with moustache
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ):-) smiley big-face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 #:-) smiley done by someone with matted hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-$ smiley face with it's mouth wired shut
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =:-) smiley punk-rocker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =:-#} smiley punk with a mustache....
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) smiley standard
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-{ smiley variation on a theme
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :^) smiley with pointy nose (righty)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) smiling face gets his lights punched out
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~) smiling face needs a nosejob, no explanation necessary
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-, smirking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-' smoker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-? smoking a pipe
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~-) so happy, s/he is crying
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |~( "Someone just busted my nose".
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-(((((  SORRY
%%
 -- SMILEY

 .---... SOS
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ---...--- SOS (really OSO, but retained anyway)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ---... SOS (variant)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {:\/ sounds like a duck
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @-) Space... The Final Frontier
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)* speaks Esperanto
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ($) speculation on why Vanderbilt is in the SEC
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-' spitting out chewing tobacco
%%
 -- SMILEY

 [:-] square head
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-( Sting
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -/- stirring up trouble
%%
 -- SMILEY

 _______ student EEG on Saturday night
%%
 -- SMILEY

 _) suffering from Lorentz contractions (they're coming every ten minutes
now)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-) surprised
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-@ swearing
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-% talking out of both sides of mouth
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( :-( :-( :-! Taylor Caldwell
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-t cross smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 &-| tearful
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-( 'that makes me so mad that if I ever see you I'll punch your lights
out'
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ]:-) The Devil
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ]:-> The Devil
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) the normal smiling face, appended to a sentence or an article means
'this is a joke' or 'this is supposed to make you laugh'
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +-(:-) the Pope
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-$ "These braces sure do hurt!"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:>-< thief: hands up!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-} "Thish wine tashted pretty good"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-T keeping a straight face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =t== Mexican run over by train
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-? tongue in cheek
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-& tongue-tied
%%
 -- SMILEY

 **-( too many shocks
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-: toothless
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }:-( toupee in an updraft
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'T (profile) keeping a straight face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:=) TWO noses (?)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ^)^ ^(^ two people talking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :u) funny-looking left nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :~) ugly nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :Ui smoking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :Uj smoking (and smiling)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @-( "Ulysses! Bring me Ulysses!"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-$ uncertainty
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =):-) Uncle Sam
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-\ undecided smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( un-smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ):-( unsmiley big-face
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-[ un-smiley blockhead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:- unsmiley frowning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'U (profile) yawning
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-[ vampire
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =) variation on a theme...
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %*} very drunk
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-))) very overweight
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-\ VERY sad
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :v) left-pointing broken nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (V)=| pacman champion
%%
 -- SMILEY

 %\v Picasso
%%
 -- SMILEY

 !.'v (profile) flat top
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @.'v (profile) has curly hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ~'v (profile) has long bangs
%%
 -- SMILEY

 =.'v (profile) has mohawk
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ,.'v (profile) has short hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 +<.'v (profile) knight
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ^v (profile) pointy nose
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'V (profile) shouting
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'v (profile) talking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 *<.'v (profile) wearing snow cap
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-V shouting
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-v speaking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-v talking head smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 _\\// Vulcan salute
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ^v^v^ mountains
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :V woodpecker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :V) woodpecker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :<= walrus
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @:-) wavy hair
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) "We are all, each of us, alone"
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (: (=| wearing a ghost costume
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {:-) wearing a toupee
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @:-) wearing a turban
%%
 -- SMILEY

 [:-) wearing a walkman
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (:-) wearing bicycle helmet
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {(:-) wearing toupee
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }:-) wearing toupee in an updraft
%%
 -- SMILEY

 }(:-( wearing toupee in wind
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ::-) wears glasses
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-} wears lipstick or some other lip appearance improving device
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :@ what?
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :< what pretences!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :} What should we call these? (what?)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >%) Wile E. Coyote
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ...( Wile E. Coyote after attempt on Road Runner's life
%%
 -- SMILEY

 _______ Wile E. Coyote under rock
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-))) William Conrad
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) Willie Shoemaker
%%
 -- SMILEY

 '-) wink
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;) winking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-) winking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ,-) winking happy
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >;-> winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.
%%
 -- SMILEY

 -=#:-) wizard
%%
 -- SMILEY

 >w nose-thumbing gesture
%%
 -- SMILEY

 $-) won big at Las Vegas
%%
 -- SMILEY

 $-) won the lottery
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'w (profile) speaking with forked tongue
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ,-} wry and winking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ;-? wry tongue in cheek
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-W speak with forked tongue
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (X0||) double hamburger with lettuce and tomato
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-X A big wet kiss!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-X bow tie
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-}X     bow tie-wearing smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :X) hearing no evil
%%
 -- SMILEY

 X-( just died
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-x kiss kiss
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :X lips are sealed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 X:-)     little kid with a propeller beanie
%%
 -- SMILEY

 <@:{(>X mustached chinese man with a toupee (also sporting a goatee and
a bowtie)
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-X my lips are sealed
%%
 -- SMILEY

 X-( net.suicide
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-x not telling any secrets
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (x) reference to Vanderbilt football
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :->X==| smiley formalware
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-)X wearing a bowtie
%%
 -- SMILEY

 ->=:-)X Zippy the Pinhead
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-Y a quiet aside
%%
 -- SMILEY

 {yawn}
%%
 -- SMILEY

 |-( yawn
%%
 -- SMILEY

 y:-) bad toupee
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-> yet another smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-( ) You backed your car over my toe
%%
 -- SMILEY

 @%&$%&$\&*@%$#@ You know what that means...
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :----}   you lie like pinnochio
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-) Your basic smiley. This smiley is used to inflect a sarcastic or
joking statement since we can't hear voice inflection over Unix.
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (@ @) You're kidding!
%%
 -- SMILEY

 'Y (profile) whistling
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-y said with a smile
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (^^)y-~~~ smoking
%%
 -- SMILEY

 $-) yuppie
%%
 -- SMILEY

 :-z yet another cross smiley
%%
 -- SMILEY

 (-.-)Zzz... sleeping
%%
Smith & Wesson: The original point-and-click user interface.
%%
Smoke a little dope and walk out in the air:
 the stars are all connected to the brain.
 -- The Who
%%
:smoke and mirrors: n. Marketing deceptions.  The term is
   mainstream in this general sense.  Among hackers it's strongly
   associated with bogus demos and crocked {benchmark}s (see also
   {MIPS}, {machoflops}).  "They claim their new box cranks 50
   MIPS for under $5000, but didn't specify the instruction mix ---
   sounds like smoke and mirrors to me."  The phrase has been said to
   derive from carnie slang for magic acts and `freak show' displays
   that depend on `trompe l'oeil' effects, but also calls to mind
   the fierce Aztec god Tezcatlipoca (lit. "Smoking Mirror") for
   whom the hearts of huge numbers of human sacrificial victims were
   regularly cut out.  Upon hearing about a rigged demo or yet another
   round of fantasy-based marketing promises, hackers often feel
   analogously disheartened.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Smoke doesn't make it to the top of his chimney.
%%
Smoke may indicate you have passed maximum performance.
%%
Smoke me a kipper...I'll be back for breakfast...
 -- Ace Rimmer
%%
Smoke me a kipper, skipper; I'll be back for breakfast.
 -- Ace Rimmer in Red Dwarf 'Dimension Jump'
%%
Smoke my skin cigar!
%%
SMOKE?  Not me!  I just get hot under the collar.
%%
Smoker's Cough: Nick O'Teen
%%
Smokers kill.
%%
Smokers: They're a dying breed.
%%
:smoke test: n. 1. A rudimentary form of testing applied to
   electronic equipment following repair or reconfiguration, in which
   power is applied and the tester checks for sparks, smoke, or other
   dramatic signs of fundamental failure.  See {magic smoke}.
   2. By extension, the first run of a piece of software after
   construction or a critical change.  See and compare {reality
   check}.

   There is an interesting semi-parallel to this term among
   typographers and printers: When new typefaces are being punch-cut by
   hand, a `smoke test' (hold the letter in candle smoke, then press
   it onto paper) is used to check out new dies.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:smoke: vi. 1. To {crash} or blow up, usually spectacularly. "The
   new version smoked, just like the last one."  Used for both hardware
   (where it often describes an actual physical event), and software
   (where it's merely colorful).  2. [from automotive slang] To be
   conspicuously fast.  "That processor really smokes."  Compare
   {magic smoke}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Smokey the Bear says, "Only you can prevent forest fires."
%%
Smokey the Bear says, "Strip mining prevents forest fires."
%%
Smokey the Borg: "Only you can be assimilated..."
%%
smokies: little cigars, cigarettes, etc.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Smoking Aids Economy by Causing Early DEATH.
%%
Smoking can kill.
 -- HK Government health warning 
%%
:smoking clover: [ITS] n. A {display hack} originally due to
   Bill Gosper.  Many convergent lines are drawn on a color monitor in
   {AOS} mode (so that every pixel struck has its color
   incremented).  The lines all have one endpoint in the middle of the
   screen; the other endpoints are spaced one pixel apart around the
   perimeter of a large square.  The color map is then repeatedly
   rotated.  This results in a striking, rainbow-hued, shimmering
   four-leaf clover.  Gosper joked about keeping it hidden from the
   FDA (the U.S.'s Food and Drug Administration) lest its
   hallucinogenic properties cause it to be banned.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Smoking cures weight problems...eventually...
 -- Steven Wright
%%
[Smoking is] a custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful
to the brain, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black, stinking fume
thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that
is bottomless.
 -- James I (1566-1625)
%%
SMOKING IS NOW ALLOWED !!!
Anyone wishing to smoke, however, must file, in triplicate, the
U.S. government Environmental Impact Narrative Statement (EINS),
describing in detail the type of combustion proposed, impact on
the environment, and anticipated opposition.  Statements must be
filed 30 days in advance.
%%
Smoking kills.  If you're killed, you've lost a very important part
of your  life.
 -- Brooke Shields
 -- Demonstrating why she should become spokesperson
 -- for a federal antismoking campaign
%%
Smoking kills live men and cures dead swine.
%%
Smoking manuals is dangerous to your health.
%%
Smoking Prohibited.  Absolutely no ifs, ands, or butts.
%%
Smoking - think of it as evolution in action.
%%
Smoking will kill you.  Either stop now or don't ever start.
%%
Smooth runs the water where the brook is deep.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.
 -- African Proverb
%%
:SMOP: /S-M-O-P/ [Simple (or Small) Matter of Programming] n.
   1. A piece of code, not yet written, whose anticipated length is
   significantly greater than its complexity.  Used to refer to a
   program that could obviously be written, but is not worth the
   trouble.  Also used ironically to imply that a difficult problem
   can be easily solved because a program can be written to do it; the
   irony is that it is very clear that writing such a program will be
   a great deal of work.  "It's easy to enhance a FORTRAN compiler to
   compile COBOL as well; it's just an SMOP."  2. Often used
   ironically by the intended victim when a suggestion for a program
   is made which seems easy to the suggester, but is obviously (to the
   victim) a lot of work.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SmorgasBORG: All you can assimilate for $4.99
%%
SMR: Skip on Meaningless Result
%%
SM: Sear Memory
%%
SMS: Shred Mylar Surface
%%
SMT     Stretch MagTape
%%
Smuggled Cigarettes.. Make Mohawk.. Smoke Signals.
%%
Smurf exterminator.
%%
:smurf: /smerf/ [from the soc.motss newsgroup on USENET,
   after some obnoxiously gooey cartoon characters] n. A newsgroup
   regular with a habitual style that is irreverent, silly, and
   cute.  Like many other hackish terms for people, this one may
   be praise or insult depending on who uses it.  In general, being
   referred to as a smurf is probably not going to make your day
   unless you've previously adopted the label yourself in a spirit of
   irony.  Compare {old fart}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Smurfs spotted...Activating Magic Missile wand...
%%
S & M: You always hurt the one you love.
%%
SMYRNA= Stupid Macho Yahoo Red Necks Association
%%
Snackmosphere:  The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.
%%
Snacktrek, n.: The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly
returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have
materialized.
 -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
%%
SNAFU: System Needs A Fuck-Up
%%
S.N.A.G.'s have Beerguts, so they know what it's like to be pregnant.
%%
S.N.A.G. Tag #3: "I wish I could have periods too!"
%%
:snail-mail: n. Paper mail, as opposed to electronic.  Sometimes
   written as the single word `SnailMail'.  One's postal address is,
   correspondingly, a `snail address'.  Derives from earlier coinage
   `USnail' (from `U.S. Mail'), for which there have even been
   parody posters and stamps made.  Oppose {email}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:snail: vt. To {snail-mail} something. "Snail me a copy of those
   graphics, will you?"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Snakes are often found under worthless objects.
%%
Snakes bite the dust, unknowns die, nobility
 pass away, heroes fade into a distant era.
%%
Snakes do it in the grass.
%%
Snakes don't have tails...snakes ARE tails.
%%
Snakes have no arms, thats why they don't wear vests.
%%
"Snakes of the World" by Anna Conda
%%
Snake Tar-tar
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Snap, crack, bushawhack. Tie another one to the rack, baby.
%%
Snap! Crackel! Pop!.... Cereal line noise...
%%
Snap, Crackle and Pop found dead, Cereal killer suspected
%%
Snap, crackle, push, pop...
%%
:snap: v. To replace a pointer to a pointer with a direct pointer;
   to replace an old address with the forwarding address found there.
   If you telephone the main number for an institution and ask for a
   particular person by name, the operator may tell you that person's
   extension before connecting you, in the hopes that you will `snap
   your pointer' and dial direct next time.  The underlying metaphor
   may be that of a rubber band stretched through a number of
   intermediate points; if you remove all the thumbtacks in the
   middle, it snaps into a straight line from first to last.  See
   {chase pointers}.

   Often, the behavior of a {trampoline} is to perform an error
   check once and then snap the pointer that invoked it so as
   henceforth to bypass the trampoline (and its one-shot error check).
   In this context one also speaks of `snapping links'.  For
   example, in a LISP implementation, a function interface trampoline
   might check to make sure that the caller is passing the correct
   number of arguments; if it is, and if the caller and the callee are
   both compiled, then snapping the link allows that particular path
   to use a direct procedure-call instruction with no further
   overhead.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:snarf & barf: /snarf'n-barf`/ n. Under a {WIMP environment},
   the act of grabbing a region of text and then stuffing the contents
   of that region into another region (or the same one) to avoid
   retyping a command line.  In the late 1960s, this was a mainstream
   expression for an `eat now, regret it later' cheap-restaurant
   expedition.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:snarf down: v. To {snarf}, with the connotation of absorbing,
   processing, or understanding.  "I'll snarf down the latest
   version of the {nethack} user's guide --- it's been a while
   since I played last and I don't know what's changed recently."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:snarf: /snarf/ vt. 1. To grab, esp. to grab a large document
   or file for the purpose of using it with or without the author's
   permission.  See also {BLT}.  2. [in the UNIX community] To
   fetch a file or set of files across a network.  See also
   {blast}.  This term was mainstream in the late 1960s, meaning
   `to eat piggishly'.  It may still have this connotation in
   context.  "He's in the snarfing phase of hacking --- {FTP}ing
   megs of stuff a day."  3. To acquire, with little concern for
   legal forms or politesse (but not quite by stealing).  "They
   were giving away samples, so I snarfed a bunch of them."
   4. Syn. for {slurp}.  "This program starts by snarfing the
   entire database into core, then...."  5. [GEnie] To spray
   food or {programming fluid}s due to laughing at the wrong
   moment.  "I was drinking coffee, and when I read your post I
   snarfed all over my desk."  "If I keep reading this topic, I think
   I'll have to snarf-proof my computer with a keyboard {condom}."
   [This sense appears to be widespread among mundane teenagers ---
   ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SNARF: System Normalize And Reset Flags
%%
:snark: [Lewis Carroll, via the Michigan Terminal System] n. 1. A
   system failure.  When a user's process bombed, the operator would
   get the message "Help, Help, Snark in MTS!"  2. More generally,
   any kind of unexplained or threatening event on a computer
   (especially if it might be a boojum).  Often used to refer to an
   event or a log file entry that might indicate an attempted security
   violation.  See {snivitz}.  3. UUCP name of
   snark.thyrsus.com, home site of the Jargon File 2.*.* versions
   (i.e., this lexicon).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sneak Attack by Soviet Bloc Not Foreseen
 The Atlanta Journal 4/4/79
%%
:sneakernet: /snee'ker-net/ n. Term used (generally with ironic
   intent) for transfer of electronic information by physically
   carrying tape, disks, or some other media from one machine to
   another.  "Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon
   filled with magtape, or a 747 filled with CD-ROMs."  Also called
   `Tennis-Net', `Armpit-Net', `Floppy-Net' or `Shoenet'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:sniff: v.,n. Synonym for {poll}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Snipers do it with a bang.
%%
:snivitz: /sniv'itz/ n. A hiccup in hardware or software; a small,
   transient problem of unknown origin (less serious than a
   {snark}).  Compare {glitch}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SNM: Show No Mercy
%%
Snobbery is the pride of those who are not sure of their position.
%%
Snobol programmers do it in strings.
%%
Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors.
 -- Herbert Agar
%%
:'Snooze: /snooz/ [FidoNet] n. Fidonews, the weekly official on-line
   newsletter of FidoNet.  As the editorial policy of Fidonews is
   "anything that arrives, we print", there are often large articles
   completely unrelated to FidoNet, which in turn tend to elicit
   {flamage} in subsequent issues.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Snoring: sheet music.
%%
Snorting My Way To Heaven: Angel Dust
%%
Snorting wildly, Worf actually smells his own feet.
%%
SNO: Send Nukes on Overflow
%%
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that go away if ignored long enough.
%%
snow bridge: card game played on a glacier. as in other alpine endeavors,
tricks are common, and there is always a dummy.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Snow Day - stay home.
%%
Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look
at what they can do when they stick together.
%%
Snow!  I want snow NOW!!!!
%%
Snowstorms are God's way of saying, "You've been working too hard."
%%
'Snow White Is For Real'. Professors Come Up With Undeniable Proof.
%%
Snow White thought 7-up was a soft drink until she discovered Smirnoff.
%%
Snow?!  You can have it!  I want SUNSHINE! Lot's of it!!
%%
:S/N ratio: // n. (also `s/n ratio', `s:n ratio').  Syn.
   {signal-to-noise ratio}.  Often abbreviated `SNR'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
So1 i cab qtyp 3)) wordz epr mibnut roo!
%%
So after today, Germans can go into any country they want.
...Say, wasn't that the problem in 1939?
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
Soaking the brain in alcohol does not preserve the mind.
%%
Soak Your Ex-Husband: Ali Money
%%
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly
 in the long run.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Soap, Ballot, Jury & Cartridge.
 -- The Four Boxes of Freedom
%%
Soapbox---penitentiary for Mr. Clean
%%
Soap manufacturers do it with Lava.
%%
Soap manufacturers do it with Zest.
%%
So, are you two, like, boyfriend and girlfriend?
%%
    So as this only point among the rest remaineth sure and
certain, namely, that nothing is certain. . .
 -- Pliny The Elder
%%
So as your consumer electronics adviser, I am advising you to donate
your current VCR to a grate resident, who will laugh sardonically and
hurl it into a dumpster.  Then I want you to go out and purchase a vast
array of 8-millimeter video equipment.

... OK!  Got everything?  Well, *too bad, sucker*, because while you
were gone the electronics industry came up with an even newer format
that makes your 8-millimeter VCR look as technologically advanced as
toenail dirt.  This format is called 3.5 hectare and it will not be
made available until it is outmoded, sometime early next week, by a
format called Elroy, so *order yours now*.
 -- Dave Barry, No Surrender in the Electronics
                   Revolution
%%
SOA - the Society for the Opposition of Acronyms
%%
SOAWP   SOlve All the World's Problems
%%
SOB     [a real PDP-11 instruction]
%%
So, Bill, how DID you explain Gennifer to the President??
%%
So, Bill, what does the President think of this lawsuit??
%%
So Britain's monarch once uncovered sat,
While Bradshaw bullied in a broad-brimmed hat.
 -- James Bramston (-1744)
 -- Man of Taste
%%
SOB: Shit On Byte
%%
SOB:Sitting on Branch
%%
SOB: Stew On Brew
%%
So-called Christian rock. . . . is a diabolical force undermining Christianity
 from within.
 -- Jimmy Swaggart, hypocrite and TV preacher, self-described pornography
addict,
 Two points of view: 'Christian' rock and roll., The Evangelist, 17(8): 49-50.
%%
  So careful of the type she seems,
So careless of the single life.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, lv, Stanza 2
%%
Soccer is a good sport!  Just don't SOCK-HER!
%%
Soccer players do it for kicks.
%%
Soccer players do it in 90 minutes.
%%
Soccer players have leather balls.
%%
Social Democracy rests on the assumption that it is desirable to preserve
the capitalist system of private enterprise, and that the evils of this
system can be sufficiently corrected by the democratic method of procedure.
 -- Carl Becker
%%
Social engineering is a dangerous avocation.
%%
:social engineering: n. Term used among {cracker}s and
   {samurai} for cracking techniques that rely on weaknesses in
   {wetware} rather than software; the aim is to trick people into
   revealing passwords or other information that compromises a target
   system's security.  Classic scams include phoning up a mark who has
   the required information and posing as a field service tech or a
   fellow employee with an urgent access problem.  See also the
   {tiger team} story in the {patch} entry.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Social groups are generally in disarray. To protect themselves from other
groups, especially the groups just below them, groups will attempt to
convey an appearance of interior order and purpose they do not possess.
 -- Arthur Herzog
%%
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
 -- Albrecht's Law
%%
Social Insecurity: Wilma Moneylast
%%
Social institutions will change only at the speed required to protect
them from attack-slowly or fast to the degree required, but usually
slowly. They will put off change as long as possible.
 -- Arthur Herzog
%%
Socialism is bureaucracy of the people, by the people, and for the people.
%%
Socialism is nothing but the capitalism of the lower classes.
 -- Oswald Spengler
%%
Socialism is power, power, and more power.
 -- Oswald Spengler, Hitler's intellectual forebear
%%
Socialism is that system which allows that everyone gets a headache trying
 to live with this system. The real genius of socialism is that, once
 everyone has a headache, the aspirins are provided, free.
%%
Socialism is workable only in heaven where it isn't needed, and in
hell where they've got it.
 -- Cecil Palmer
%%
Socialism works, but nowhere as efficiently as in the beehive and the anthill.
%%
SOCIALISM:
   You have two cows.  Give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
   You have two cows.
   Give both to the government.  The government gives you milk.
CAPITALISM:
   You sell one cow and buy a bull.
FASCISM:
   You have two cows.  Give milk to the government.
   The government sells it.
NAZISM:
   The government shoots you and takes the cows.
NEW DEALISM:
   The government shoots one cow,
   milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink.
ANARCHISM:
   Keep the cows.  Steal another one.  Shoot the government.
CONSERVATISM:
   Freeze the milk. Embalm the cows.
%%
Social legislation cannot repeal physical laws.
 -- Dalin B. Oaks
%%
:social science number: [IBM] n. A statistic that is
   {content-free}, or nearly so.  A measure derived via methods of
   questionable validity from data of a dubious and vague nature.
   Predictively, having a social science number in hand is seldom much
   better than nothing, and can be considerably worse.  {Management}
   loves them.  See also {numbers}, {math-out}, {pretty
   pictures}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Social Security
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Social values and habits dictate economic activity and not the other
way around.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Societies will, of course, wish to exercise prudence in deciding which
technologies -- that is, which applications of science -- are to be
pursued and which not. But without funding basic research, without
supporting the acquisition of knowledge for its own sake, our options
become dangerously limited.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
Society can only pursue its normal course by means of a certain progression
of changes.
 -- John, Viscount Morley
%%
Society can overlook murder, adultery or swindling; it can never forgive
the preaching of a new gospel.
 -- Frederic Harrison (1831-1923)
%%
 Society everywhere is in a conspiracy against the manhood
of every one of its members.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Society heaps honors on the unique, creative personality, but not
until he has been dead for fifty years.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
Society in shipwreck is a comfort to all.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 144
%%
Society is a mule, not a car; if pressed harder, it will kick and
throw you off.
 -- Issawi's Law of the Pace of Progress
%%
Society is founded on hero worship.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
 -- Heroes and Hero-Worship, lecture, London (May 5, 8, and 19, 1840)
%%
Society is like a lawn, where every roughness is smoothed, every
bramble eradicated, and where the eye is delighted by the smiling
verdure of a velvet surface. He, however, who would study nature
in its wildness and variety, must plunge into the forest, must explore
the glen, must stem the torrent, and dare the precipice.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
Society is like a stew. If you don't keep it stirred up, you get a lot of scum
on top.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Society is now one polish'd horde,
Formed of two mighty tribes, the Bores and Bored.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xiii, Stanza 95
%%
Society is well governed when the people obey the magistrates, and
the magistrates obey the laws.
 -- Solon
%%
Society like air, is necessary, but not complete for life.
%%
    Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but
hard to swallow.
 -- Arthur Stringer - The Silver Poppy
%%
Society out of order.  Sorting.
%%
Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it.
%%
Society produces rogues, and education makes one rogue cleverer than
another.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Sociologists do it with class.
%%
Sociologists do it with standard deviations.
%%
 SOCIOLOGY:  Estimate the sociological problems which might
 accompany the end of the world.  Construct an experiment to
 test your theory.
 -- Life Studies 101 (Bob Pasker <rbp@NETCOM.COM>)
%%
Socks are the larval stage of coat-hangers.
%%
So close, no matter how far... couldn't be much more from the heart.
Forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters.
%%
So C'mon, let's SEE a sysop with a suntan!
%%
So comes a reckoning when the banquet 's o'er,--
The dreadful reckoning, and men smile no more.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The What d' ye call it, Act ii, Sc. 9
%%
So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since
it enables one
to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.
%%
Socrates said, "Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas
good men eat and drink that they may live."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- How a Young Man ought to hear Poems, 4
%%
Socrates said he was not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Banishment
%%
Socrates said, "Those who want fewest things are nearest to the gods."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Socrates, xi
%%
Socrates thought that if all our misfortunes were laid in one common
heap, whence every one must take an equal portion, most persons would
be contented to take their own and depart.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Consolation to Apollonius
%%
    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him.  Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
Socrates...
Whom well inspir'd the oracle pronounc'd
Wisest of men.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 274
%%
So curses all Eve's daughters, of what complexion soever.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
So CUTE when you're righteous!
%%
Soda Pop History: Ginger Aile
%%
So Davey says to Alan "lets look up Tim and have a race!"
%%
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
So dear a life your arms enfold,
Whose crying is a cry for gold.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Daisy, Stanza 24
%%
So dear I love him that with him all deaths I could endure, without
him live no life.
 -- John Milton
%%
So dear to heav'n is saintly chastity,
That when a soul is found sincerely so,
A thousand liveried angels lackey her,
Driving far off each thing of sin and guilt,
And in clear dream and solemn vision
Tell her of things that no gross ear can hear,
Till oft converse with heav'nly habitants
Begin to cast a beam on th' outward shape.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 453
%%
So dim that his psychic carries a flashlight.
%%
Sodom and Gomorrah! Wicked people destroyed by a tremendous conflagration,
 belching forth fire, hell, and brimstone from the heavens! Wicked people
 stooped to debaucheries, degeneracies, and perversion! All these
 wonderf--All these things could happen! Six hundred thousand souls snuffed
 out! Save for four good people: Lot, his wife, and his two daughters.

 And Lot's wife looked around, and there were no men left in the vicinity
 save for her husband--who at the time was 138 years old! So in lieu of
 memory, Lot's wife turned around and gave one long last look at her
 long-lost lovers. And she turned into a pillar of salt. Therefore! The
 moral of that story is: All girls that cheat--taste salty!
 -- Professor Irwin Corey
%%
Sodomy is a pain in the ass.
%%
So down thy hill, romantic Ashbourn, glides
The Derby dilly, carrying three INSIDES.
 -- George Canning (1770-1827)
 -- The Loves of the Triangles, Line 178
%%
So, do you live around here often?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
So dry & yet so wet.
%%
SOD: Scribble On Disk
%%
SOD: Surrender Or Die
%%
So easy to use a child can do it.  Child sold separately.
%%
So ends one of the strangest bouts of 2 A.M. Tagline cut and paste.
%%
So ends the bloody business of the day.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xxii, Line 516
%%
So extraordinary is Nature with her choicest treasures, spending plant
beauty as she spends sunshine, pouring it forth into land and sea, garden
and desert. And so the beauty of lilies falls on angels and men, bears and
squirrels, wolves and sheep, birds and bees....
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
So fades a summer cloud away;
  So sinks the gale when storms are o'er;
So gently shuts the eye of day;
  So dies a wave along the shore.
 -- Mrs. Barbauld (1743-1825)
 -- The Death of the Virtuous
%%
So fallen! so lost! the light withdrawn
  Which once he wore;
The glory from his gray hairs gone
  For evermore!
 -- John G. Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- Ichabod!
%%
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of
intelligence.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
So farewell hope, and with hope farewell fear,
Farewell remorse; all good to me is lost.
Evil, be thou my good.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 108
%%
So far from God, so close to the United States
 -- Old Mexican proverb
%%
So far, so good, so what?
%%
Sofa so Good: Chester Field
%%
So fat that people jump over him rather than go around.
%%
So for a good old-gentlemanly vice
I think I must take up with avarice.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 216
%%
Soft as some song divine thy story flows.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 458
%%
Soft carpet-knights, all scenting musk and amber.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Third Day, Part i
%%
:softcopy: /soft'kop-ee/ n. [by analogy with `hardcopy'] A
   machine-readable form of corresponding hardcopy.  See {bits},
   {machinable}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Soft-heartedness, in times like these,
  Shows sof'ness in the upper story.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin', No. vii
%%
Soft is the strain when zephyr gently blows,
And the smooth stream in smoother numbers flows;
But when loud surges lash the sounding shore,
The hoarse rough verse should like the torrent roar.
When Ajax strives some rock's vast weight to throw,
The line too labours, and the words move slow:
Not so when swift Camilla scours the plain,
Flies o'er th' unbending corn, and skims along the main.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 166
%%
Softly sweet, in Lydian measures,
Soon he sooth'd his soul to pleasures.
War, he sung, is toil and trouble;
Honour but an empty bubble;
  Never ending, still beginning,
Fighting still, and still destroying.
  If all the world be worth the winning,
Think, oh think it worth enjoying:
  Lovely Thais sits beside thee,
  Take the good the gods provide thee.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 97
%%
Soft peace she brings; wherever she arrives
She builds our quiet as she forms our lives;
Lays the rough paths of peevish Nature even,
And opens in each heart a little heaven.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Charity
%%
Soft soap often has a high percentage of lye in it.
 -- Salada tea
%%
:software bloat: n. The results of {second-system effect} or
   {creeping featuritis}.  Commonly cited examples include
   `ls(1)', {X}, {BSD}, {Missed'em-five}, and {OS/2}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Software Bugs?  Exterminators 'R Us
%%
Software designers do it over and over until they get it right.
%%
Software designers do it with system.
%%
Software Engineering: How to program if you cannot.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
Software engineer
 one who engineers others into writing the code for him/her
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Software entities are more complex for their size than perhaps any
other human construct because no two parts are alike.  If they are, we
make the two similar parts into a subroutine -- open or closed.  In
this respect, software systems differ profoundly from computers,
buildings, or automobiles, where repeated elements abound.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
Software Error: Programmer Held. Finish all activities.
%%
Software, hardware, -- is that you talking Sigmund?
%%
Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software.
%%
Software is best understood as a branch of movie making.
 -- Ted Nelson
%%
Software is like entropy. It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and
obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics;i.e., it always increases.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XVII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Software is mind work.  Having the right frame of mind is essential.
%%
Software is the difference between hardware and reality.
%%
Software is the heart and soul of a computer company.
 -- DEC President Ken Olsen
%%
Software is to computers as yeast is to dough.
 -- Chuck Bradshaw
%%
Software is very hard HumanWare!
%%
"Software is written by humans and therefore has bugs." -John Jacobs
 -- ...understanding Software...
%%
:software laser: n. An optical laser works by bouncing photons back
   and forth between two mirrors, one totally reflective and one
   partially reflective.  If the lasing material (usually a crystal)
   has the right properties, photons scattering off the atoms in the
   crystal will excite cascades of more photons, all in lockstep.
   Eventually the beam will escape through the partially-reflective
   mirror.  One kind of {sorcerer's apprentice mode} involving
   {bounce message}s can produce closely analogous results, with a
   {cascade} of messages escaping to flood nearby systems.  By
   mid-1993 there had been at least two publicized incidents of this
   kind.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Software means never having to say you're finished.
%%
Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
%%
Software reliablity specialists keep it up longer.
%%
SOFTWARE ROT n. A hypothetical disease of which the existence has been
deduced from the observation that unused programs or features will stop
working after sufficient time has passed, even if "nothing has changed!"
Also known as "BIT DECAY."
%%
Software specs: Pick two - [1] Fast [2] Right [3] Cheap
%%
Software suppliers are trying to make their software
packages more "user-friendly". . . . Their best approach,
so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp
the words, "user-friendly" on the cover.
 -- Bill Gates (1955-), President of Microsoft, Inc.
%%
Software Testers do it over and over again.
%%
"Software that's harder to patch." -John Jacobs
 -- ...understanding Firmware...
%%
Software Troubleshooter - Roger w/44 Magnum
%%
Software - typically silk nighties, nylons, garter belts.
Contrast with hardware.
%%
Software unprotects, a hex change operation.
%%
:softwarily: /soft-weir'i-lee/ adv. In a way pertaining to software.
   "The system is softwarily unreliable."  The adjective
   **`softwary' is *not* used.  See {hardwarily}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:softy: [IBM] n. Hardware hackers' term for a software expert who
   is largely ignorant of the mysteries of hardware.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
So full of artless jealousy is guilt,
It spills itself in fearing to be spilt.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
So gather the kids, a dog... Grandma... and lock them in another room.
 -- Orson Welles
%%
So geographers, in Afric maps,
With savage pictures fill their gaps,
And o'er unhabitable downs
Place elephants for want of towns.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Poetry, a Rhapsody
%%
So gloz'd the tempter.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 549
%%
Sogoggog... No, I mean Yog SothoAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!
%%
So good it's better than itself.
%%
So great was the extremity of his pain and anguish that he did not
only sigh but roar.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Job iii
%%
So have I heard, and do in part believe it.
But, look, the morn, in russet mantle clad,
Walks o'er the dew of yon high eastward hill.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
So he with difficulty and labour hard
Mov'd on, with difficulty and labour he.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 1021
%%
So his life has flowed
From its mysterious urn a sacred stream,
In whose calm depth the beautiful and pure
Alone are mirrored; which, though shapes of ill
May hover round its surface, glides in light,
And takes no shadow from them.
 -- Thomas Noon Talfourd (1795-1854)
 -- Ion, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
So how DO they get the lead into the pencil?
%%
So, how long have you been on the edge?
%%
So how long have you been working at a cat house?
%%
So, how long shall we STARE at each other across the Neutral Zone?
%%
So how much does this "free" market really cost?
%%
So how's it been here, Number One? Same old routine job?
 -- Picard to Riker, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
So, how's your love life?
Still holding your own?
%%
So, I built a second one!  *That* sank into the swamp.
%%
So, if there's no God, who changes the water?
 -- [two goldfish in a bowl, New Yorker Cartoon]
%%
..  So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYBEAN FUTURES into
 HIGH-YIELD T-BILL INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks
 will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
So, I hear you're into molinology...
%%
So I hit him upside da cranium with that aluminum baseball bat...
%%
So I invented diet shampoo!
 -- Mystery Science Theatre 3000
%%
So I'm quibbling.  So sue me.
%%
So I'm safely across the pit?  Whew!  For a minute there I was worried
 that you might remember my encumbrance penalties.
%%
So I'm ugly.  So what?  I never saw anyone hit with his face.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
So in the Libyan fable it is told
That once an eagle, stricken with a dart,
Said, when he saw the fashion of the shaft,
"With our own feathers, not by others' hands,
Are we now smitten."
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Frag. 135 (trans. by Plumptre)
%%
So in the name of security everyone who enters the room has to
  have his bottom fondled by this drooling prevert?
 -- Edmund : General Hospital
%%
So I said to my boyfriend, Don't be a fool! We'll take the million!
%%
So I said to myself, "Self," I said...
%%
SOI: Screw O'coin Intentional [personal one]
%%
So it goes so it goes so it goes so it goes s
%%
So it is Written, So Let it be Done!
%%
So - it's maximum security. Is that clear?
Certainly, sir. Only myself and the rest of the English-speaking world
  is to know.
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
So it's my birthday. Big deal!!
%%
So I wing it w/the Encyclopedia Britannica.
%%
So just tell me to 'Shut up, Wesley' and I will.
 -- Wesley, "Datalore", stardate 41242.4
%%
So just what ARE time flies, and why do they like an ARROW?
%%
SOLAR ASTRONOMERS do it all day.
%%
Solaris   : A product that you play with long enough, will work.
Sun Sparc : A product that you play with long enough, will break.
%%
Solar powered flashlights.
 -- Polish invention
%%
Soldier of Fortran
%%
Soldiers do it standing erect.
%%
Soldiers do it with a machine gun.
%%
SOLDIERS do it with shoot
%%
Soldiers in WWII referred to canned or powered milk as 'armored cow'.
%%
Soldiers who wish to be a hero
Are practically zero,
But those who wish to be civilians,
They run into the millions.
%%
Solid concrete from the eyebrows backwards.
%%
Solid men of Boston, banish long potations!
Solid men of Boston, make no long orations!
 -- Charles Morris (1739-1832)
 -- Pitt and Dundas's Return to London from Wimbledon, American Song,
 -- From Lyra Urbanica
%%
Solid Rock BBS, Home of JNET for SpitFire 3.x
%%
Solipsism is its own reward.
%%
So little done--so much to do.
 -- Cecil John Rhodes {Founder of the Rhodes Scholarships}, 1902
%%
So little time and so little to do.
 -- Oscar Levant
%%
So little to say and so much time to say it!
%%
Solitude: A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
 -- Josh Billings. (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
%%
Solitude is as needful to the imagination as society is wholesome
for the character.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Among my Books, First Series, Dryden
%%
Solitude is a torment which is not threatened in hell itself.
%%
Solitude is impractible, and society fatal.
 -- Emerson
%%
Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Solitude makes a wonderful mistress but a terrible wife.
 -- Emerson
%%
So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan which moves
To that mysterious realm where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but sustained and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave
Like one that wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- Thanatopsis
%%
So live that you can look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell.
%%
So long and thanks for all the fish
 -- Departing Dolphins, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
... so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those
who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent,
and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious
and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men.
 -- Voltarine de Cleyre
%%
So long as we have enough people in this country willing to fight
for their rights, we'll be called a democracy.
 -- Roger Baldwin, founder ACLU
%%
So long as you are ready to die for humanity, the life of your country
is immortal.
 -- Giuseppe Mazzini
%%
Solon gave the following advice: "Consider your honour, as a gentleman,
of more weight than an oath. Never tell a lie. Pay attention to matters
of importance."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Solon, xii
%%
Solon used to say that speech was the image of actions;... that laws
were like cobwebs,--for that if any trifling or powerless thing fell
into them, they held it fast; while if it were something weightier,
it broke through them and was off.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Solon, x
%%
SOL: Shift On Low
%%
SOL: Shit Out of Luck
%%
Solution: A more subtle problem.
%%
Solutions are not the answer.
 -- Richard Nixon
%%
Solutions are obvious if one only has the
optical power to observe them over the horizon.
 -- K. A. Arsdall
%%
Solution Series: Works for Windows, Publisher and Money
%%
Solve the problems and save you worries
%%
Solve the problems of the world: Vote anarchist.
%%
Solving Crimes: D. Tective
%%
SOMALIA after 3 megaton nuke: Free CRISPY Food & Parking.
%%
So many, and so many, and such glee.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Endymion, Book iv
%%
So many asanine new laws, I can't remember them ... is that illegal ?
%%
So many assholes, so few bullets
 Ford Fairlane
%%
So many BBSs, so little time!
%%
So many books, so little time.
%%
So many boys!  So few men!
 -- Single women's lament
%%
So many Bruins, so few bullets!
%%
So many bytes, so few cps.
%%
So many damsels, so little time.
%%
So many galaxies, so little time.
%%
So many heads so many wits.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
So many idiots, too few flame-throwers.
%%
So many jerks, so little ammunition.
%%
So many languages, so little time.
%%
So many lawyers, so few bullets.
%%
So many men, so few straight.
%%
So many men, so little time.
 -- Mae West
%%
So many messages!.............so little time!
%%
So many moderators, so few bullets.
%%
So many obituaries...And always the wrong ones
 -- Marian Balsam
%%
So many pedestrians, so little time.
%%
So many systems...  So little time!
%%
So many things to see and people to do.
%%
So many things you cannot do, so little time to do them all in.
 -- Ambidextrous Rex
%%
So many threats and fears, so many wasted years, till my life became my own.
%%
So many toys, so little time...
%%
So many women, so little charisma.
%%
So many women, so little time.
%%
So many worlds, so much to do,
  So little done, such things to be.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, lxxiii, Stanza 1
%%
So may a glory from defect arise.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Deaf and Dumb
%%
So may he rest; his faults lie gently on him!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
So may'st thou live, till like ripe fruit thou drop
Into thy mother's lap.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 535
%%
Some actions have an end but no beginning; some begin but do not end.
It all depends upon where the observer is standing.
 -- Frank Herbert
%%
Some also deny that the earth is in the middest of the world, and
some affirme that it is mouable, as also Copernicus by way of supposition,
and not for that he thought so in deede:  who affirmeth that the earth
turneth about, and that the sunne standeth still in the midst of the
heauens, by help of which false supposition he hath made truer demonstrations
of the motions and reuolutions of the celestiall Spheares, than euer
were made before...
 -- Thomas Blundeville, M. Blundeville His Exercises, 1594
%%
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public
 relations officers.
 -- Daniel J. Boorstin
%%
Some are born to move the world--to live their fantasies, but must of us
 just dream about the things we'd like to be. Sadder still to watch it die
 than never to have known. For you, the blind who once could see, the bell
 tolls for thee.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
Some are weatherwise, some are meteorologists.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Some asked how pearls did grow, and where?
  Then spoke I to my girl
To part her lips, and showed them there
  The quarelets of pearl.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- The Rock of Rubies, and the Quarrie of Pearls
%%
Some asked me where the rubies grew,
  And nothing I did say;
But with my finger pointed to
  The lips of Julia.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- The Rock of Rubies, and the Quarrie of Pearls
%%
"Some Assembly Required" means "Engineering Degree Necessary."
%%
Somebody got up on the wrong side this morning.
 -- Riker
%%
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that
it has to be us.
 -- Jerry Garcia (1942-1995), Musician, the Greatful Dead
%%
Somebody has to go polish the stars...
%%
Somebody has to have the last word.  If not, every
 argument could be opposed by another and we'd
 never be done with it.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
%%
SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! My Keyboard Died!!!
%%
Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back.  Even if it does look like he
 hasn't eaten in a while.
 -- Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball
                  opponent in the Olympics
%%
Somebody interrupted Chubb--with both hands!
 -- Poul, ROBOTS OF DEATH
%%
Somebody keeps changing the rules.
%%
Somebody ought to cross ballpoint pens with coat hangers,
 so that the pens will multiply instead of disappearing.
%%
Somebody! PLEASE! STOP ME before I upgrade again!!!
%%
Somebody said to me, `But the Beatles were antimaterialistic.'   That's a huge
 myth.  John and I literally used to sit down and say `Now, let's write a
 swimming pool'.
 -- Paul McCartney
%%
Somebody's boring me... I think it's me.
 -- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
Somebody should have warned the Trojans. Beware of gifts bearing Greeks.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Somebody's terminal is dropping bits. I found a pile of them over
in the corner.
%%
Somebodystolemyspacebardammit!
%%
Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year,
 but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Somebody tries to rob you, but finds nothing to steal.
%%
Somebody who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world
 -- The Law of Thumb
%%
Some book is better than no book on a rainy day.
%%
Some books are lies frae end to end.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Death and Dr. Hornbook
%%
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few
to be chewed and digested.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Studies
%%
Some books leave us free and some books make us free.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Some books promise much but offer little.
%%
Some calisthenics programs are better than others.
 -- K'Ehleyr to Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Some call it lazyness, I call it DEEP THOUGHT...
%%
Some call me a pain in the neck.  Others have a lower opinion.
%%
Some cars have fluid drive -- others just have a drip at the wheel.
%%
Some changes are so slow, you don't notice them.
Others are so fast, they don't notice you.
%%
Some circumstantial evidence is very strong,
as when you find a trout in the milk.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
    Some compilers allow a check during execution that
subscripts do not exceed array dimensions.  This is a help,
but not sufficient.  First, many programmers do not use such
compilers because "They're not efficient."  (Presumably, this
means that it is vital to get the wrong answers quickly.)
 -- Kernighan & Plauger
 -- The Elements of Programming Style
%%
Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Someday, all BBSes will be like this.
%%
Someday God will log you out.
%%
Some day I hope to write a book where the royalties will pay for the
copies I give away.
 -- Clarence Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
Someday I may surprise you and say something nice....
But don't hold your breath.
%%
Someday I'm going to be rich and famous.  I don't know how, but ...
%%
Someday I'm going to take all the red tape and tie up
the Establishment for a change.
%%
Someday is not a day of the week.
%%
Someday my prince will come - but right now I'm available.
%%
Some day my ship will come in, and with my luck I'll be at the airport.
%%
Someday, perhaps, a state or city will pass up the names of famous
people and name new facilities "Taxpayer Stadium."
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Someday, POW! Straight to the moon!
%%
Some day science may have the existence of mankind in its power,
and the human race commit suicide by blowing up the world. (1862)
 -- Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918)
%%
Some days I look my best in a thick fog.
%%
Some days it's better to stay in bed.
%%
Some days it's tough just keeping up with the losers.
%%
Some days, nothing goes left.
%%
Someday somebody has got to decide whether the typewriter is the machine,
 or the person who operates it.
%%
Some days the dragon wins ...
%%
Some days, the only good things on TV are the vase and the clock.
%%
Some days you eat the bear, and some days the bear eats you.
%%
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant!
%%
Some days you step in it...some days you don't...
%%
Someday the computer will eliminate paperwork!
%%
Someday there is going to be a book about a middle aged man with a good
job, a beautiful wife and two lovely children who still manages to be happy.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Someday, THESE will be the good ol' days.
%%
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
 -- Evan Davis
%%
Someday we will live in a world free of shallow people who make judgements
based on physical appearance.  Until then, make your color and perm
appointment at the Jon Giannos Salon.
 -- From an ad for the salon
%%
Someday you'll look back on this and laugh.
%%
Someday your prints will come.
 -- Kodak
%%
Some day you too will have urges like me.
%%
Someday you WILL come to your senses, and cheer for the Habs!
%%
Someday you will get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
%%
Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
%%
Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't.
%%
Some do, some don't.
Some will, some won't.
I might.
%%
Some drugs have appropriately been called `wonder drugs', inasmuch as
one wonders what they will do next.
 -- Samuel E. Stumpf
%%
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
 -- T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
%%
Some equipment shown is optional.
%%
Some errors will always go unnoticed until the book is in
print.
    Block's Corollary:
The first page the author turns to upon receiving an advance
copy will be the page containing the worst erorr.
 -- Jones' Law of Publishing
%%
Some farewells are easier than others.
 -- P. Marlowe
%%
Some fellow said that I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey.
Oh, an absurd suggestion, sir.
You're right. It is absurd.
Unless, of course, it was a particularly _stupid_ donkey...
 -- George and Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
Some folks can have several trains of thought going down the track at the
 same time with litte difficulty. The problem lies in the fact that these
 folks have no terminal for the trains.
%%
Some folks can look so busy doing nuthin' that they seem indispensable.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
Some folks find it necessary to use psychics to contact the spirit world.
 Experience tells me that your ordinary bartender can do just as well, at
 half the cost, and twice as quickly.
%%
Some folks just aren't cut out to be normal...
%%
Some folks never exaggerate- they just remember big.
 -- Audrey Snead
%%
Some folks say honesty is the best policy, while others say keeping your
 mouth shut is even better.
%%
Some folks say it was a miracle.  Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked
 the next pitch clean over the fence.  But I think it was just a lucky swing.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Some folks show a lot of style and some styles show a lot of folk. Lately,
 some styles have started late and ended early, with nothing to hide their
 short comings.
%%
Some folks who think they are busy are just confused.
%%
Some folks would fret themselves to death
 if they had nothing to worry about.
%%
Some foolish men declare that a Creator made the world.  The doctrine
that the world was created is ill-advised, and should be rejected.  If
God created the world, where was He before creation?  How could God have
made the world without any raw material?  If you say He made this first,
and then the world, you are faced with an endless regression ... Know
that the world is uncreated, as time itself is, without beginning and
end.
 -- The Mahapurana, Jinasena
%%
Some for renown, on scraps of learning dote,
And think they grow immortal as they quote.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire i, Line 89
%%
Some girls are bigger than others.
%%
Some girls can reverse the process of evolution
 - They make monkeys out of men.
%%
Some griefs are medicinable.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Some guy came running in the other night and said, "Somebody stole my car!"
 I said, "Did you see him?" He said, "No, but I got his license plate."
 -- Bill Barner
%%
Some guy from Little Rock won? You're joking!
%%
Some hae meat and canna eat,
  And some would eat that want it;
But we hae meat, and we can eat,
  Sae let the Lord be thankit.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Grace before Meat
%%
Some have a way with with words, others... um... uh...
%%
Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.
%%
Some have thought that I perhaps do not care for Dan Quayle as our current
 Vice President. This is incorrect. I love the man so much I literally
 worship the quicksand he walks on.
%%
Some have too much, yet still do crave;
  I little have, and seek no more:
They are but poor, though much they have,
  And I am rich with little store:
They poor, I rich; they beg, I give;
They lack, I have; they pine, I live.
 -- Edward Dyer (c. 1540-1607)
 -- MS. Rawl. 85. p. 17
%%
Some historian, out to make a name for himself, is circulating a rumor to
 the effect that George Washington is a dirty double crosser. According to
 this historian, Washington crossed the Deleware River twice, without taking
 a bath! So much for dirty stories. This is about as far as Zerro goes in
 this direction. Of course, we might include the story about the little boy
 who fell in the mud, and that would create quite a splash. But this is the
 limit of these dirty story things. We just can't smudge too much.
%%
Somehow he got in [to law school]; he talked his way in.
 -- James Quayle, Dan's father
%%
Somehow, I can't see myself doing it for money.
 -- Geordi
%%
Somehow, in the midst of their horrid history, the best among
the _gaijin_ learned a wonderful lesson.  They learned to
distrust themselves, to doubt even what they were taught to
believe or what their egos make them yearn to see.  To know
that even truth must be scrutinized, it was a great discovery,
almost as great as the treasure we of the East have to offer
them in return, the gift of harmony.
 -- David Brin - Dr. Pak's Preschool
%%
Somehow / It all seemed / So worthwhile...
%%
Somehow, it never hurts to step back occasionally and ask youself "Am I
 contributing to the solution of the problem or aiding in making a bigger
 problem?"
%%
Somehow, somewhere along the line, this town lost its pride.
%%
Somehow the texture, out of nowhere,
Produces a species of
Atavistic anomie, a
Melancholy memory of "food."
 -- Jack Collom
%%
    Somehow the wondrous promise of the earth is that there
are things beautiful in it, things wondrous and alluring, and
by virtue of your trade you want to understand them.
 -- Mitchell Feigenbaum
%%
Somehow, the world always affects you more than you affect it.
%%
Some husbands are living proof that women can take a joke.
%%
Some impose upon the world that they believe that which they do not;
others, more in number, make themselves believe that they believe,
not being able to penetrate into what it is to believe.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
Some indicate they've been saved by God, Jesus, or Rush Limbaugh.
%%
Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
%%
Some jay of Italy,
Whose mother was her painting, hath betray'd him:
Poor I am stale, a garment out of fashion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Some kids get paid to be good.  Mine are good for nothing.
%%
Some lie beneath the churchyard stone,
  And some before the speaker.
 -- W. M. Praed (1802-1839)
 -- School and Schoolfellows
%%
Some Like it Sweet: Sugar Kane
%%
Some lives are tragic, some ridiculous. Most are both at once.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Some love is just a lie of the heart...
%%
Some love to roam o'er the dark sea's foam,
Where the shrill winds whistle free.
 -- Charles Mackay (1814-1889)
 -- Some love to roam
%%
    Some mages balk at performing spells during an ocean voyage, preferring
instead to dabble in sorcery in tiny rooms, precariously perched atop the aerie
towers that this sort of magician always seems to favor. The logic of this
preference has always eluded me. After all, should something go amiss with
either your spell or your relationship with your employer, just think how much
easier it is to swim than it is to fly.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXXVIII
%%
Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men
have mediocrity thrust upon them.
 -- Joseph Heller, Catch-22
%%
Some men are so interested in their wives continued happiness
that they hire detectives to find out the reason for it.
%%
Some men become proud and insolent because they ride a fine horse,
wear a feather in their hat or are dressed in a fine suit of clothes.
Who does not see the folly of this? If there be any glory in such
things, the glory belongs to the horse, the bird and the tailor.
 -- St. Frances de Sales
%%
Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name.
 -- Lucan
%%
Some men feel that the only thing they owe
the woman who marries them is a grudge.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
Some men get excited about nothing and then marry her.
%%
Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman's
toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various
places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would
add immeasurably to world peace.
 -- From "A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson
%%
Some men put me in mind of half-bred horses, which often grow worse
in proportion as you feed and exercise them for improvement.
 -- Greville
%%
Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others with a fountain pen.
 -- Woodie Guthrie
%%
Some men's heads are as easily blown away as their hats.
%%
Some might consider him as too fond of fame; for the desire of glory
clings even to the best men longer than any other passion.
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD)
 -- Historiae, iv, 6
%%
Some might say that I'm a pretty shallow guy, but shallow guy with a
great ass. - Cat, justifying himself.
 -- Red Dwarf 'Inquisitor'
%%
Some minds are like concrete - all mixed up and permanently set.
%%
Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under...-
%%
Some mistakes we must carry with us.
 -- Speaker-to-Animals "Ringworld"
%%
Some Mondays are Mondayer than others.
%%
Some months ago I saw a man breaking a loaf of whole-wheat bread and
 tossing the pieces at pigeons. I was curious and I asked him, "Why
 whole-wheat bread?" He very seriously answered, "Everybody gives them white
 bread or cake; this is how they'll remember me."
 -- Hal Linden
%%
Some mornings I feel like an amoeba.
%%
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
Some mornings, sex is almost better than coffee.
%%
Some mountaineers are proud of having done all their
climbs without bivouac.  How much they have missed!  And
the same applies to those who enjoy only rock climbing,
or only the ice climbs, only the ridges or the faces.
We should refuse none of the thousand and one joys that
the mountains offer us at every turn.  We should brush
nothing aside, set no restrictions.  We should experience
hunger and thirst, be able to go fast, but also know how
to go slowly and to contemplate.
 -- Gaston Rebuffat, "Starlight and Storm"
%%
Some mouths resemble Energizers, they keep going.
%%
Some must be great. Great offices will have
Great talents. And God gives to every man
The virtue, temper, understanding, taste,
That lifts him into life, and lets him fall
Just in the niche he was ordain'd to fill.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 788
%%
Some natural tears they dropp'd, but wip'd them soon;
The world was all before them, where to choose
Their place of rest, and Providence their guide.
They hand in hand, with wand'ring steps and slow,
Through Eden took their solitary way.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xii, Line 645
%%
Some novel power
  Sprang up forever at a touch,
  And hope could never hope too much
In watching thee from hour to hour.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, cxii, Stanza 3
%%
Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
%%
Some of my ancestors fought in the American Revolution. A few more wore red
coats, a few wore blue coats, and the rest wore no coats at all. We never did
figure out who won that war.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Some of my best friends are drummers..
%%
Some of my best friends are humans.
%%
Some of my best friends are lumberjacks.
%%
Some of my best friends are white people!
 -- Deputy Tommy "The Hawk" Hill, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Some of my best personalities are insane!
%%
Some of my readers ask me what a "Serial Port" is.
The answer is: I don't know.
Is it some kind of wine you have with breakfast?
%%
Some of our politicians who act foolish aren't acting.
%%
Some of the best things in LIFE are glider guns.
%%
Some of the charges the police use are a bit overzealous: "Loitering with
 intent to use a pedestrian crossing."
 -- Rowan Atkinson
%%
Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one
 actor--unassisted.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
Some of the more environmentally aware dinosaurs were worried about the
consequences of an accident with the new Iridium enriched fusion reactor.
"If it goes off only the cockroaches and mammals will survive..." they said.
%%
Some of them want to use you,
 some of them want to be used by you.
 Some of them want to abuse you,
 everybody's looking for something.
 -- Eurythmics
%%
Some of the stuff that stares out of gumbo should not be allowed out except
 for Halloween ... Ugly makes Cajuns hungry. The Elephant Man wouldn't last
 ten minutes in Louisiana ... These people eat anything that moves. They
 don't even bother selling Raid in Louisiana except as a seasoning.
 -- Steve Epstein
%%
Some of the things that live the longest
in peoples' memories never really happened.
%%
Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for
identification purposes only.
%%
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not
smart enough to know they were impossible.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
 -- Gloria Steinem
%%
Some of us learn from other peoples' errors.  The rest must be the
other people.
%%
Some of us live in perpetual 20-20 chaos.
%%
Some of us take longer to grow up than others.
%%
Some of us will smart for it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Some of you ... may have decided that, this year, you're going to
celebrate it the old-fashioned way, with your family sitting around
stringing cranberries and exchanging humble, handmade gifts, like on
The Waltons.    Well, you can forget it.  If everybody pulled that kind
of subversive stunt, the economy would collapse overnight.  The
government would have to intervene: it would form a cabinet-level
Department of Holiday Gift-Giving, which would spend billions and
billions of tax dollars to buy Barbie dolls and electronic games, which
it would drop on the populace from Air Force jets, killing and maiming
thousands.  So, for the good of the nation, you should go along with
the Holiday Program.  This means you should get a large sum of money
and go to a mall.
 -- Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
%%
Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see...
Broken hearts are for assholes
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole?
Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
You might pretend you ain't got one at the bottom of you
But don't fool yourself girl
It's looking at you
But don't fool yourself girl
It's going right up you poop chute
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Someone actually has to think up these things!
%%
Someone blew out his pilot light.
%%
Someone busted into Rosa Parks' house, stole some money and slugged her. One
 guy saw the alleged assailant on the street, chased him, tackled him, and
 held him until the police came and got him. Naturally, the hero showed up on
 every local newscast and also had an appearance on a local talk show.
 Unfortunately (for him) the next day while doing an interview with a local
 TV news show, he was arrested by the FBI because he was a wanted felon!
%%
Someone can always be found, lurking about out there in the bushes
 somewhere, who can tell you what you intended to say far better than you
 can, so be very careful what you say when outside, walking around among
 bushes.
%%
Someone close to you is taking advantage of your trust.
%%
Someone does indeed increase him;
Ten pairs of tortoises cannot oppose it.
Constant perseverance brings good fortune.
The king presents him before God.
Good fortune.
%%
Someone does indeed increase him.
Ten pairs of tortoises cannot oppose it.
Supreme good fortune.
%%
Someone else is doing the driving for that boy.
%%
Someone get me the 'pooper scooper'
%%
  Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Charge of the Light Brigade, Stanza 2
%%
..  someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Someone is speaking well of you.
%%
Someone is speaking well of you. But the listener is unbelieving.
%%
Someone is speaking well of you. How unusual!
%%
Someone is speaking well of you.
That same person is known for gross exaggerations..
%%
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work...guess who?
%%
Someone let the air out of her lock.
%%
    Someone once said that the two most important things in
developing taste were sensitivity and intelligence.  I don't
think this is so; I'd rather call them curiosity and courage.
Curiosity to look for the new and the hidden; courage to
develop your own tastes regardless of what others might say or
think.
 -- R. Murray Schafer
%%
Someone once told me I have a mind that's like a bad neighborhood; I
shouldn't go in there alone.
 -- Sharon Stone
%%
Someone ought to sue Joycelyn Elders for medical malpractice.
%%
Someone put live piranha in our swimming pool. If we don't swim there
 anymore, the piranha will starve.
%%
 Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully.
 -- Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
%%
Someone shaved my wife tonight.
%%
Someone should tear him down and put up a human being.
 -- Alan Alda, M.A.S.H.
%%
Someone threw a beer at Clinton. He dodged it. (It was a draft)
%%
Someone throw Worf a milkbone, he's hungry again.
%%
Someone wants to see me at four in the morning...What is he, a giant
  lark?
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
Someone who had begun to read geometry with Euclid, when he had learned
the first proposition, asked Euclid, "But what shall I get by learning
these things?" whereupon Euclid called his slave and said "Give him
three-pence since he must make gain out of what he knows.
 -- Johannes Stobaeus (5th C. A.D.)
%%
Someone whom you reject today will reject you tomorrow.
%%
Someone who says they have never failed
is either not telling the  truth or
not trying hard enough.
 -- Ronald Davenport
%%
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
%%
Someone write me a letter. I need to know that I'm still alive.
%%
Some painters transform the sun into a yelow spot; others transform
a yellow spot into the sun.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
%%
Some parts of the past must be preserved,
and some of the future prevented at all costs.
%%
Some people act crazy, others aren't acting.
%%
Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns.
I am thankful thorns have roses.
 -- Alphonse Karr, French journalist
%%
Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they
hit a triple.
 -- Barry Switzer
%%
Some people are born to write FORTRAN, others aspire to write FORTRAN, but
 most have writing FORTRAN thrust upon them.
%%
Some people are discovered; others are found out.
%%
Some people are like a callus;
they always show up when the work is finished.
%%
Some people are like blisters: they never appear until the work is done.
%%
Some people aren't hard of hearing, but hard of listening.
%%
Some people are paid to be good, but we're good for nothing.
 -- Peter Campbell
%%
Some people are quick to criticize cliches, but what is a cliche? It is a truth
that has retained its validity through time. Mankind would lose half its hard-
earned wisdom, built up patiently over the ages, if it ever lost its cliches.
 -- Marvin G. Gregory
%%
Some people are so fond of ill-luck that they run half-way to meet it.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- Meeting Troubles Half-way
%%
Some people are so nice to be nasty to.
%%
Some people are, through no fault of their own, sane.
%%
Some people are useless on top of the ground--they
should be under it, inspiring the cabbages.
%%
Some people are wise; others are otherwise.
%%
Some people brag that they need only 5 hours of sleep in bed each night.
 They may be correct, since there are more and more who sleep in the chair
 while watching the thrills of the current TV season.
%%
Some people call RAP music "creative", I call it "CRAP".
%%
Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.
 -- William Dean Howells
%%
Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
%%
Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
%%
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame,
But I know it's my own damn fault.
%%
Some people come home to unwind; others come home to unravel.
%%
Some people confuse boredom with security.
%%
Some people could be brain-washed with an eye-dropper!!
%%
Some people could give a headache to an asperin.
%%
Some people don't know the difference between a grin and a grimace.
%%
"Some people don't see the advantages of combining Microsoft applications.
But then some people didn't see what would come of mixing nitro and
glycerin."
 -- Recent Microsoft ad
%%
Some people dream of worthy accomplishments while others stay
awake and do them.
%%
Some people drink from the wellspring of knowledge--others gargle.
 -- "Mac" McClaren
%%
Some people drive as if turn signals were an option.
%%
some people get pissed
 when you play with your mind
 in a different way
 than they play with theirs
 these people are called ASSHOLES
 -- the jambi's
%%
Some people get up at a quarter to seven. Other people lie in bed 'til
    8:45 or nine, but I'm happy just to hang in bed 'til eleven, 'cause
  eleven has always been a good friend of mine.
 -- Bob Dorough, from Multiplication Rock
%%
 Some people grow with responsibility -- others merely swell.
 -- Sacher's Observation
%%
Some people handle the truth carelessly. Others never touch it at all.
%%
Some people have a large circle of friends while others have only friends
that they like.
%%
Some people have a lot of vanity. They say, "I only wear glasses when I
 drive." If you only need glasses when you drive, then drive around with a
 prescription windshield!
 -- Brian Regan
%%
Some people have a way about them that seems to say: If I have only
one life to live, let me live it as a jerk.
%%
Some people have a way with words and some people...do not have way, I guess.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
Some people have children in order to buy toys--I feel
it's cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman and
buy toys for myself
%%
Some people have entirely too much free time on their hands.
 -- Gene Spafford (spaf)
%%
Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.
%%
Some people have one of those days.  I have one of those lives.
%%
Some people have parts that are so private
they themselves have no knowledge of them.
%%
Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children.
I would prefer to achieve it by not dying.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit
 them on the head.
%%
Some people just don't know when to quit.
%%
Some people just don't think sarcasm is funny.
%%
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall
  instead of using it.
 -- Gordon R. Dickson
%%
Some people live life in the fast lane.
 You're in oncoming traffic.
%%
Some people LOVE cats for what they are; others ARE cats for what they love.
%%
Some people manage by the book while being completely ignorant of
who wrote the book or what's in it.
 -- Theed's Fourth Law of Management
%%
Some people march to a different drummer--and some people polka.
%%
Some people move in lesbian circles,
I move in bisexual dodecahedrons.
 -- RK
%%
Some people need a good imaginary cure for their painful imaginary ailment.
%%
Some people never learn anything because they understand everything
 too soon.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Some people never learn, some even later.
%%
Some people only open up to tell you that they're closed.
%%
Some people prefer Windows, but I, for one, care less for them.
%%
Some people remain as fit as a fiddle, whereas most of us more closely
 resemble bass violins.
%%
Some people sail to live. Some people live to sail. Me? I just sail.
%%
Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a
 rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true.
  I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
 -- Steven King, 3/8/90
%%
Some people should be taken with a grain of salt; others with a whole shaker.
 -- Blumstein (paulb@ttidca.TTI.COM)
%%
Some peoples mouths work faster than their brains.
They say things they haven't even thought of yet.
%%
Some people swear by DoubleSpace, others swear AT it.
%%
Some people take the bull by the horns--others shoot it.
%%
Some people tell political jokes... we HAVE them!
%%
Some people think a horseshoe's gonna bring 'em luck.
 A horseshoe is a lucky sign of course.
 For every set of horseshoes human beings use for luck.
 Somewhere in this world's a barefoot horse.
 -- Allan Sherman
%%
Some people think a juggler is talented. Could be a schizophrenic playing
 catch.
 -- Bob Dubac
%%
Some people think "asphalt" is a rectal disorder.
%%
Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears.  I
 think George is weird, because he has false teeth.  with braces on them.
 George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge...you can't hear
 him talk.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Some people think like drummers, some people act like them.
 -- Jason Titus
%%
    Some people think of wizards as nothing more than men in pointy hats who
like to go around turning people into toads. Nothing could be farther from the
truth. Perhaps wizards should come together and agree on a saying or two to
better humanize their profession; for instance, "Wizards are wonderful!" or
"Take a wizard to lunch!" Yet I doubt this will ever occur, for wizards are by
and large a solitary breed. Still, this should not stop you from trying to
understand my procession. If you should offer, for example, to take a wizard
to lunch, I imagine he would go gladly. And if you were to tell a wizard he
wasn't wonderful, I'm sure he would be quite happy to turn you into a toad.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. I
%%
Some people think only intellect counts:  knowing how to solve problems,
knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize
it.  But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage,
love, friendship, compassion and empathy.
 -- Dean Koontz
%%
Some people think they are generous because they give away free advice.
%%
Some people use religion only as a fire escape.
%%
Some people vote in elections only to establish eligibility to complain
 about who got elected.
%%
Some people who boast about how broadminded they are may just be too
lazy to find out which side they're on.
%%
Some people who slap you on the back are trying to help you swallow
what they just told you.
%%
Some people will believe anything if you whisper it to them.
 -- Louis Nizer
%%
Some people wouldn't be happy if you hung them with a new rope!
%%
Some people write to please, to soothe, to console. Others to provoke, to
challenge, to exasperate and infuriate. I've always found the second approach
the more pleasing.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when
you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even
worse.
 -- Avery
%%
Some play for gain; to pass time others play For nothing; both play
the fool I say: Nor time nor coin I'll lose, or idly spend; Who gets
by play, proves loser in the end.
 -- Heath
%%
Some points to remember [about animals]:
 (1) Don't go to sleep under big animals, e.g., elephants, rhinoceri,
 hippopotamuses;
 (2) Don't put animals with sharp teeth or poisonous fangs down the
 front of your clothes;
 (3) Don't pat certain animals, e.g., crocodiles and scorpions or dogs
 you have just kicked.
 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
Some primal termite knocked on wood.
And tasted it, and found it good.
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Some professors asked a monk to lecture to them on
 spiritual matters.  The monk ascended a podium, struck it once
 with his stick, and descended. The academics were dumb-
 founded.  The monk asked them, "Do you understand what I have
 told you?"  One professor said, "I do not understand."

 The monk said, "I have concluded my lecture."
%%
Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand
progress.
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
 Some rainy winter Sundays when there's a little boredom, you should
always carry a gun.   Not to shoot yourself, but to know exactly that you're
always making a choice.
 -- Lina Wertmuller
%%
:some random X: adj. Used to indicate a member of class X, with the
   implication that Xs are interchangeable.  "I think some random
   cracker tripped over the guest timeout last night."  See also
   {J. Random}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Some said, "John, print it;" others said, "Not so."
Some said, "It might do good;" others said, "No."
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 -- Pilgrim's Progress, Apology for his Book
%%
Some say, compar'd to Bononcini,
That Mynheer Handel 's but a ninny;
Others aver that he to Handel
Is scarcely fit to hold a candle.
Strange all this difference should be
'Twixt Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
 -- John Byrom (1691-1763)
 -- On the Feuds between Handel and Bononcini
%%
Some say no evil thing that walks by night,
In fog or fire, by lake or moorish fen,
Blue meagre hag, or stubborn unlaid ghost
That breaks his magic chains at curfew time,
No goblin, or swart fairy of the mine,
Hath hurtful power o'er true virginity.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 432
%%
Some say the solution to polluton is dilution.
%%
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction, ice
Is also great
And would suffice
 -- Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice"
%%
Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.
 -- Folk saying
%%
Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is
the basic building block of the universe.  I dispute that.  I say
there is more stupidity than hydrogen and that is the basic building
block of the universe.
 -- Frank Zappa (1940-94), U.S. rock musician
%%
Some scientists reject creationism - science does not.
%%
Some see this as a glass half empty, some see it as a glass half full.
I see it as a glass twice as big as it needs to be.
 -- George Carlin
%%
Some settling of contents may occur during shipping.
%%
Some smack of age in you, some relish of the saltness of time.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Some songs were released one year and in the charts the next,
 and visa versa.
%%
Some sports I can't watch on TV. I don't mind the games--I don't like the
 interview after the game. Because the winning players always give credit to
 God while the losing players blame themselves. Just once I'd like to hear a
 player say, "Yeah, we were in the game--until Jesus made me fumble!"
 -- Jeff Stilson
%%
Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.
%%
Some students may feel that the contents of Question 33 are both dull and
 useless. I must confess that my first impulse is to reply that it serves them
 right for doing the fast course.
%%
Some students were watching the chemistry professor give a demonstration of
 the properties of various acids.

 "Now," said the professor, "I'm going to drop this silver dollar in a glass
 of acid. Will it dissolve?"

 "No, sir," answered one of the students.

 "No?" repeated the prof. "Then perhaps you can explain to the class why it
 won't dissolve."

 "Because," the student said, "if the silver dollar would dissolve, you
 wouldn't drop it in."
 -- Fanny Brice
%%
Some sweat-hoggin' mama with a face like a gent
 said my "get-up-and-go" musta got up and went.
 Well, I got good news, she's a real good liar,
 'cuz my backstage boogie'll set your pants on fire!
 -- Aerosmith
%%
Some taglines are better than the messages that contain them.
%%
Some tags I think... Some tags I don't...
%%
Some take their mark, others leave it
%%
Something Amiss? Hi, I'm Something Amister.
%%
Something given that way.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Lover's Progress, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Something goes wrong every minute. What you do is fix it..
 -- Lt Gen Pagonis
%%
Something is either done or it is not done.
 -- Dwarven Proverb
%%
Something is happening here, What it is ain't exactly clear...
 -- Pons & Fleischmann
%%
Something is rotten in the state of confusion.
%%
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Something is VERY wrong here!
%%
Something is written here in the dust.
%%
Something is written in a very strange way.
%%
Something's always wrong, Ballders. The fact that I'm not a millionaire
  aristocrat with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino is a constant
  niggle to me.
 -- Edmund : Ink and Incapability
%%
Some things are clever only the first time.
%%
Some things are of that nature as to make
One's fancy chuckle, while his heart doth ache.
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 -- The Author's Way of sending forth his Second Part of the Pilgrim
%%
Some things are still sacred--I haven't taken them apart yet.
%%
Some things are without rhyme or reason.
%%
Some things cannot be spoken or discovered until we have been stuck,
incapacitated, or blown off course for awhile. Plain sailing is pleasant,
buy you are not going to explore many unknown realms that way.
David Whyte
%%
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
 -- Ralph Hodgson on ESP
%%
Something should be done about this...STEAL THE STANLEY CUP!
%%
Some things, they're hard to say.
%%
Something the heart must have to cherish,
  Must love and joy and sorrow learn;
Something with passion clasp, or perish
  And in itself to ashes burn.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Motto, Hyperion, Book ii
%%
Something there is that doesn't love a wall.
 -- Robert Frost, Mending Wall
%%
Something to tell
 the grandchildren."
 -- TRB in THE NEW REPUBLIC
%%
Something would have to be done... something irresponsible...
%%
Some think Al Gore as hypocrisy personified.
%%
Some think Al Gore as ignorance personified.
%%
Some think Bill Clinton as hypocrisy personified.
%%
Some think that the earth remains at rest.  But Philolaus the Pythagorean
believes that, like the sun and moon, it revolves around the fire
in an oblique circle.  Heraclides of Pontus and Ecphantus the Pythagorean
make the earth move, not in a progressive motion, but like a wheel
in rotation from west to east around its own center.
 -- Plutarch, Moralia, ca. 100 A.D.
%%
Some thought Edgar Allan Poe was a raven lunatic.
%%
Some thoughts are best guillotined before actions result.
%%
Some time ago I went to a restroom in Salzburg/Austria/Europe. The walls had
 just been painted white, obviously to get rid of all the graffiti. Yet,
 there was already one new writing on the wall:

 "Painting walls is like burning books."
%%
Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Sometime let gorgeous Tragedy
In sceptred pall come sweeping by,
Presenting Thebes, or Pelops' line,
Or the tale of Troy divine.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 97
%%
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
Sometimes a feeling is all we humans have to go on.
 -- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon," stardate 3193.9.
%%
Sometimes a man will tell his bartender things he'll never tell his doctor.
 -- Dr. Phillip Boyce, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown.
%%
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Sometimes, at the end of the day, when I'm
smiling and shaking their hands, I want to kick them.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they
aren't. I don't know if its the way you say it, or how you look.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
Sometimes democracy must be bathed in blood.
 -- Augusto Pinochet
%%
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
 -- Seneca
%%
Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,
And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats,
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,
Of healths five-fathom deep; and then anon
Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,
And being thus frighted swears a prayer or two
And sleeps again.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Sometimes I become spell-bound in the middle of Wal-Mart.
%%
Sometimes I don't care if I never die.
%%
Sometimes I eat fish just for the halibut ...
%%
Sometimes I feel like the next guy that everybody is always better off than.
%%
Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over
to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly
know everything there is to be known.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
Sometimes I get the feeling that Schrodinger wasn't really a cat lover.
 -- Zik Saleeba
%%
Sometimes I get the feeling that the two biggest problems
in America today are making ends meet -- and making mettings end.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Sometimes I go on and on until I annoy even myself.
 -- SLR
%%
Sometimes I just can't resist, 8^)
%%
Sometimes I Just Get Brain Farts ...
%%
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"  Then a voice answers
 Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.
 -- Charlie Brown, _Peanuts_ [Charles Schulz]
%%
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, Where have I gone wrong?
 Then a voice says to me, This is going to take more than one night.
 -- Charlie Brown, _Peanuts_ [Charles Schulz]
%%
Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Sometimes I...No, I don't.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Sometimes insanity is the only alternative
 -- button at a Science Fiction convention.
%%
Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
 the only ashtray.
%%
Sometimes I sit and think and sometimes I just sit.
%%
Sometimes I think. And sometimes I am.
%%
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead.  No, wait.  Not me, you.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes I think I understand everything... Then I regain consciousness.
%%
Sometimes I think life is all just a pleasant dream.
%%
Sometimes I think my ears are hearing voices.
%%
Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes I think the surest
sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe
is that none of it has tried to contact us.
 -- Bill Watterson, cartoonist of Calvin & Hobbes
%%
Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad.  And then I think, "Aw,
 who cares?"  And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?"
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes I think we're alone.  Sometimes I think we're not.  In either
  case, the thought is staggering.
 -- Buckminster Fuller
%%
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if
 you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to.
 Then, on the way out, slam the door.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes it is more important to discover what one cannot do, than
what one can do.
 -- Lin Yutang
%%
Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government
of himself.  Can he, then, be trusted with the government of others?"
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Sometimes it is well, when seeking good order, to recall that even at times
 paralysis appears to be order.
%%
Sometimes it just doesn't pay to think.
%%
Sometimes it might seem wise not to grow up.
%%
Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of
 the week debugging Monday's code.
 -- Dan Salomon
%%
Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have
nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.
 -- David Byrne
%%
  Sometimes it's easier to look for the way in, and then work
     backwards.
 -- 5th Doctor, FRONTIOS
%%
Sometimes it's hard to find the right question.
%%
Sometimes it takes great effort to discover that life
was meant to be effortless.
 -- Anonymous
%%
Sometimes it takes wisdom to stop beating your head against the wall.
%%
Sometimes it was difficult to remember that the individuals within an
alien species could differ as thoroughly as humans did.
 -- "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Sometimes I wish I could ARJ my wife (instead, I SQZ her).
%%
Sometimes I wish I could PKZIP my wife!
%%
Sometimes I wish life had an [ESC] key...
%%
Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind.
Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.
 -- Samuel Beckett, "Endgame"
%%
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they
 should live next door and just visit now and then.
 -- Katherine Hepburn
%%
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I
 forgot to put on my pants.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes love is stronger than a man's convictions.
 -- Isaac Bashevis Singer
%%
Sometimes luck isn't enough.
 -- L. Luciano
%%
Sometimes monsters are more likely to fight each other than attack you.
%%
Sometimes "mu" is the answer.
%%
Sometimes my NOW is later than it should be.
%%
Sometimes, Number One, you just have to...bow to the absurd.
 -- Picard, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
Sometimes one has to counter statistics with facts.
%%
Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Sometimes pain can drive a man harder than pleasure.
 -- Kirk, "the Alternative Factor," stardate 3088.7.
%%
Sometimes problems are so difficult that it takes an expert just to remain
 undecided about the possbile solutions to the problem.
%%
Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back
 my head and gargle.  Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me,
 because I am beautiful.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes the best law of all is no law at all. Not all the world's
ills are susceptible to legislative correction.
 -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
Sometimes the best medicine is to stop taking something.
%%
Sometimes the crowd is right.
%%
Sometimes the facts fail to corespond to known reality.
%%
Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the job done.
 -- Al Bernstein
%%
Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
%%
Sometimes the light is all shining on me,
Other times I can hardly see.
Lately it occurs to me
What a long strange trip it's been.
 -- The Grateful Dead, "American Beauty"
%%
Sometimes the message has to be blunt so you will see the point.
%%
Sometimes the most urgent and vital thing you can do is take a complete rest.
%%
Sometimes the obvious works best!
%%
Sometimes the only solution is to find a new problem.
%%
Sometimes the only way out of a difficulty is through it.
%%
Sometimes the poorest man leaves
his children the richest inheritance.
%%
Sometimes there's no point in giving up.
 -- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Sometimes the things you most wish for are not to be touched.
 -- Into the Woods
%%
Sometimes the truth can be so unnecessary
%%
          Sometimes the urge to do bad is nearly overpowering.
 -- Ben Horne, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Sometimes they just grow, and grow, and grow...
%%
Sometimes, too long is too long.
 -- Joe Crowe
%%
Sometimes too much hockey is barely enough.
%%
Sometimes what a person escapes to is worse than what they escapes from.
%%
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night,
with no other cars around, I start imagining:  What if there were
no civilization out there?  No cities, no factories, no people?  And
then I think:  No people or factories?  Then who made this car?  And
this highway?  And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the
window into the driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I
could get struck on the head by a bolt.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself
 down.  I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell.  When the
 person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch?
 A jack-o'-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a note that says
 "You."  After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes when I look at my children I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should
have stayed a virgin.'
 -- Lillian Carter
%%
Sometimes when it's quiet, you can hear the brain cells die.
 -- SLR
%%
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is
trying to be funny.
 -- Guy Davenport
%%
Sometimes when you fill a vacuum it still sucks!
%%
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else
  is driving.
 -- David Letterman
%%
Sometimes, where a complex problem can be illuminated by many tools,
one can be forgiven for applying the one he knows best.
 -- Robert Machol
%%
Sometimes work comes from inspiration,
but more often inspiration comes from work.
%%
Sometimes you can complain about the food to the chef, but it seems rather
 futile to kick the vending machine!
%%
Sometimes you get an almost irresistible urge to go on living.
%%
Sometimes you get beer, sometimes beer gets you.
%%
Sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes the shaft.
%%
Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be a part of.
 -- Geri Weitzman
%%
Sometimes you have to be a harsh cookie editor.
 -- Karl
%%
Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for
yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly
Head".  Normally, you would think that "Fly Head" would mean a person
who had beautiful swept-back features, as if flying though the air.
 But think again.  Couldn't it also mean "having a head like a fly"?
 I'm afraid some people might actually think that.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind - but don't make it a habit.
%%
Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard
 -- Stanislav Lee
%%
Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're
really strangers.
 -- Mary Richards, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"
%%
Sometimes you have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself
 -- Miles Davis
%%
Sometimes you have to turn right to go left.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Sometimes, you just gotta say "Screw it, I'm going sailing."
%%
Sometimes, you just gotta say "What the fuck."
 -- Risky Business
%%
Sometimes you just gotta say `what the heck'.
%%
Sometimes you just have to say "What the hell".
%%
Sometimes you leave a mark, before you know the score.
 -- Ric Ocasek, You Got You, from the album This Side Of Paradise
%%
Sometimes you never can always tell what you least expect the most.
%%
Sometimes you're a Kenworth, sometimes you're a possum...
%%
Sometimes you're the windshield - sometimes the bug,
 Sometimes  you're the Louisville Slugger - sometimes the ball.
 -- Mark Knopfler
%%
Sometimes you want to ride herd over the default choices.
 -- Colorful metaphor hall of fame
%%
Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.
 -- Carl Sandburg
%%
Sometime we see a cloud that 's dragonish;
A vapour sometime like a bear or lion,
A tower'd citadel, a pendent rock,
A forked mountain, or blue promontory
With trees upon 't.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 14
%%
Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder...
and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn.
 -- N. V. Plyter
%%
Sometime, you've gotta break the rules.
%%
Some to church repair,
Not for the doctrine, but the music there.
These equal syllables alone require,
Though oft the ear the open vowels tire;
While expletives their feeble aid to join,
And ten low words oft creep in one dull line.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 142
%%
Some tortures are physical and some are mental, but the one that is
 both is dental.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
Some to the fascination of a name
Surrender judgment hoodwink'd.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book vi, Winter Walk at Noon, Line 101
%%
Some undone widow sits upon mine arm,
And takes away the use of it;
Glued to my scabbard with wronged orphans' tears,
Will not be drawn.
 -- Philip Massinger (1584-1640)
 -- A New Way to pay Old Debts, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Some unsuspected isle in the far seas,--
Some unsuspected isle in far-off seas.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Pippa Passes, Part ii
%%
Some village Hampden, that with dauntless breast
  The little tyrant of his fields withstood,
Some mute inglorious Milton here may rest,
  Some Cromwell guiltless of his country's blood.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 15
%%
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Some wee short hours ayont the twal.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Death and Dr. Hornbook
%%
Somewhat to the north, identical stone statues face each other from
pedestals on opposite sides of the corridor.  The statues represent
Guardians of Zork, a military order of ancient lineage.  They are
portrayed as heavily armored warriors standing at ease, hands clasped
around formidable bludgeons.
%%
Somewhere between real and real real.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle pinpointing their location to reporters
                   aboard the Quayle campaign plane.
                   (reported in Wall Street Journal, 10/21/88)
%%
Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up
 a batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing
 ``Leave it to Beaver''!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Somewhere in the distance, a lonely dog barks.
 -- SLR
%%
Somewhere in the quisling clinic there's a shorthand typist
taking seconds of minutes for hours.
%%
Somewhere in the world there is an epigram for every dilemma.
 -- Hendrik Willem Van Loon
%%
Somewhere is lurking a hailstone that has your name on it.
%%
Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
%%
Somewhere nearby is colossal cave, where others have found fortunes in
treasure treasure and gold, though it is rumored that some who enter are never
seen seen again. Magic is said to work in the cave. I will be your eyes
and and hands. Direct me with commands of 1 or 2 words. I should warn
you you that I now look at the first eight letters of each word, so you can
enter enter either "northeast" or "ne" to distinguish it from "north".
%%
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth
  to a child.  She must be found and stopped.
 -- Sam Levenson (1911-1980)
%%
Somewhere out there someone has put out a reward for anyone actually having
 seen a calorie.
%%
"Somewhere", said Father Vittorini, "did Blake not speak of the
Machineries of Joy?  That is, did not God promote environments, then
intimidate these Natures by provoking the existence of flesh, toy men
and women, such as are we all?    And thus happily sent forth, at our
best, with good grace and fine wit, on calm noons, in fair climes, are
we not God's Machineries of Joy?"

"If Blake said that", said Father Brian, "he never lived in Dublin."
 -- Ray Bradbury, "The Machineries of Joy"
%%
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice,
 somewhere else the tea's getting cold.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
Some will always be above the others.  Destroy the equality today, and
it will appear again tomorrow.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Some windows were made to be broken
%%
Some wishes _do_ come true... unfortunately.
%%
Some women are like musical glasses.
To keep them in tune they must be wet.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Some women pick men to marry, others pick them to pieces.
%%
Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
Some write their wrongs in marble: he more just,
Stoop'd down serene and wrote them in the dust,--
Trod under foot, the sport of every wind,
Swept from the earth and blotted from his mind.
There, secret in the grave, he bade them lie,
And grieved they could not 'scape the Almighty eye.
 -- Samuel Madden (1687-1765)
 -- Boulter's Monument
%%
Some years ago a friend of mine was taking a magnetic computer tape through
customs in Egypt. The customs staff on discovering the tape started to unreel
it onto the floor. When my friend asked what they were looking for they told
him that they were checking the film for pornographic scenes.
%%
So Mitch, are you going to miss your friends?
Umm, no.     You see, I don't really have any.  I'm afraid that I
intimidate them.
Good boy!
 -- From Real Genius
%%
So much chewing gum for the eyes.
 -- in James Beasley Simpson Best Quotes of '50, '55, '56  (1957) p. 233
 -- A small boy's definition of certain television programmes.
 -- Commonly attributed in a different form to Frank Lloyd Wright and others
%%
So much depends
 Upon
 A red wheel
 Barrow
 Glazed with rain
 Water
 Beside the white chickens
 -- William Carlos Williams, _The Red Wheelbarrow_
%%
So much fun, there should be a law against it.
%%
So much had been written about the Long Island Rail Road (Fred Allen called
 it "two strips of rust and a right-of-way") that I decided to take a ride
 on it a while back. What an experience!

 It is not an exaggeration to say that it almost shook my teeth out. Then
 the jolts slackened a little, and I said to a passenger across the aisle,
 "It's a little smoother now, isn't it?"

 "Yes," the regular rider said. "We're not on the tracks now."
 -- Cal Tinney
%%
So much is a man worth as he esteems himself.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book ii, Chap. xxix
%%
So much less reputable, so much more fraught.
%%
So much one man can do,
That does both act and know.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- Upon Cromwell's return from Ireland
%%
So Much Stuff... So Little Memory!
%%
So much they talked, so very little said.
%%
So much time, and so little to do.
 -- Willie Wonka
%%
So much to fit in, and so little space.
%%
So much Work, so little Time; lets go get a beer.
%%
So, my brother is human after all.
 -- Robert Picard
%%
Son, always be sincere. Whether you mean it or not.
 -- Michael Flanders
%%
SONARMEN do it aurally
%%
So, naturalists observe, a flea
Has smaller fleas that on him prey;
And these have smaller still to bite 'em;
And so proceed ad infinitum.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Poetry, a Rhapsody
%%
Son coeur est un luth suspendu; sitot qu'on le touche il resonne.
 -- Pierre Jean Beranger
%%
Songlonger: person who always sings "...And many moooore" at the end.
%%
Songs For Children: Barbara Blacksheep
%%
Songs from 'South Pacific': Sam and Janet Evening
%%
SON: Have you ever smoked opium?

 FATHER: Certainly not! Gives you constipation. Dreadful binding effect.
 Ever see those pictures of the wretched poet Samuel T. Coleridge? Green
 around the gills. And a stranger to the lavatory. Avoid opium.
 -- John Mortimer
%%
Sonic Interferance, what a nightmare
 -- Batty
%%
Sonic the Hedgehog is my roll model.
%%
So nip up to the loft and check out your old singles to see if
 there are any that were played a lot on the radio, but you never
 got around to buying.
%%
Son of a batch.
%%
Son of Baglady
%%
Sonorous metal blowing martial sounds:
At which the universal host up sent
A shout that tore hell's concave, and beyond
Frighted the reign of Chaos and old Night.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 540
%%
So, now you say I'm redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things
over and over again.
%%
Son, you have to guard against speaking more clearly than you think.
 -- Howard Baker's father
%%
So of cheerfulness, or of good temper, the more it is spent, the more it
remains.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Soon as the evening shades prevail,
The moon takes up the wondrous tale,
And nightly to the listening earth
Repeats the story of her birth;
While all the stars that round her burn,
And all the planets in their turn,
Confirm the tidings as they roll,
And spread the truth from pole to pole.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Ode
%%
Soon enough it will come to pass that you will be able to take a vacation
 to Mars, and soon enough it will come to pass that you will be able to
 discover that your luggage has gone to Pluto.
%%
Sooner I'd try to change history than turn political, than try convincing
others to write letters or to vote or to march or to do something they
didn't already feel like doing.
 -- Richard Bach, Thoughts of Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever
%%
Sooner or later EVERYONE stops smoking.
%%
Sooner or later, everything becomes too important to let someone else
handle it.
%%
Sooner or later, generals will own you.
%%
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
 -- Sodd's Second Law
%%
Sooner or later, you've heard about all that your best friends have to say.
Then comes the tolerance of real love.
 -- Ned Rorem
%%
Sooner or later you will have to crush Gandhi and the Indian Congress
and all they stand for.
 -- Winston Churchill, speaking before the House of Commons, April 29, 1932
%%
Sooner will men hold fire in their mouths than keep a secret.
%%
Soon I shall join my ancestors.   Already I can see them.  They
   walk to greet me from the palace of jade.  They are smiling and
   carry gifts of fruit and flowers.  Now I cross the golden bridge
   of the gods.
 -- Li H'sen Chang, Talons of Weng-Chiang
%%
So on the tip of his subduing tongue
All kinds of arguments and questions deep,
All replication prompt, and reason strong,
For his advantage still did wake and sleep.
To make the weeper laugh, the laugher weep,
He had the dialect and different skill,
Catching all passion in his craft of will.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- A Lover's Complaint, Line 120
%%
Soon to be a major motion picture.
%%
Soon to have a ticket to talk!!
%%
Soon to have my feet in the sand, and gators at my heels!
%%
Soon we'll see the Green Berets/Wearing khaki negligees...
%%
Sooo - here's all my "6" or "SIX" tags...
%%
Sooth'd with the sound, the king grew vain;
Fought all his battles o'er again;
And thrice he routed all his foes, and thrice he slew the slain.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 66
%%
So our lives
In acts exemplary, not only win
Ourselves good names, but doth to others give
Matter for virtuous deeds, by which we live.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Bussy D'Ambois, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
So over violent, or over civil,
That every man with him was God or Devil.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 557
%%
So perish all, whose breast ne'er learn'd to glow
For others' good, or melt at others' woe.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- To the Memory of an Unfortunate Lady, Line 45
%%
Sophisticated - So complicated you have to read the manual for a few days
straight before you can do anything with it. Most people don't read the
manual, however.

User-friendly - So simple-minded that after an hour you've got it all
figured out. The next day, you can't discover any other use for it. The
exact opposite of sophisticated. If something is supposed to be both
sophisticated and user-friendly, you know they're lying.
%%
SOPHISTRY, n.  The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished
from one's own by superior insincerity and fooling.  This method is
that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who began
by teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief, whatever men
ought to know, but lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of
words.

    His bad opponent's "facts" he sweeps away,
    And drags his sophistry to light of day;
    Then swears they're pushed to madness who resort
    To falsehood of so desperate a sort.
    Not so; like sods upon a dead man's breast,
    He lies most lightly who the least is pressed.
                                                        Polydore Smith
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Soprano, basso, even the contra-alto,
Wished him five fathom under the Rialto.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Beppo, Stanza 32
%%
Sopranos do it in unison.
%%
SOP: Stop and Order Pizza
%%
So, rather than appear foolish afterward, I renounce seeming clever now.
 -- William of Baskerville, The Name of the Rose
%%
:sorcerer's apprentice mode: [from Friedrich Schiller's "Der
   Zauberlehrling" via the film "Fantasia"] n. A bug in a
   protocol where, under some circumstances, the receipt of a message
   causes multiple messages to be sent, each of which, when received,
   triggers the same bug.  Used esp. of such behavior caused by
   {bounce message} loops in {email} software.  Compare
   {broadcast storm}, {network meltdown}, {software
   laser}, {ARMM}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SORCERY, n.  The ancient prototype and forerunner of political
influence.  It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was
punished by torture and death.  Augustine Nicholas relates that a poor
peasant who had been accused of sorcery was put to the torture to
compel a confession.  After enduring a few gentle agonies the
suffering simpleton admitted his guilt, but naively asked his
tormentors if it were not possible to be a sorcerer without knowing
it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"So REMEMBER:
 Black is BLACK and White is WHITE,
 The more they MEET the more they FIGHT.
 The line BETWEEN them was never more REAL
 So eat your BEANS at every MEAL."
 -- Mr. Bug
%%
Sorrow seems sent for out instruction, as we darken the cages of
birds when we would teach them to sing.
 -- Richter
%%
Sorrows remember'd sweeten present joy.
 -- Robert Pollok (1799-1827)
 -- The Course of Time, Book i, Line 464
%%
Sorry.
%%
Sorry about my friend. He's not null-terminated.
%%
Sorry about that Chief.
 -- Maxwell Smart
%%
Sorry about that, fans.
%%
Sorry about the crayon.  They won't let me have any sharp objects.
%%
Sorry about the language Mr/Miss Moderator - but he is! :-)
%%
Sorry, a fatal error has occurred. You're dead.
%%
Sorry Bob, but I'm feeling silly tonight.
%%
Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey.  That's just holy water.
 -- Little Richard
%%
Sorry, but I am not allowed to give more detail.  I will repeat the
long description of your location.
%%
Sorry, but I no longer seem to remember how it was you got here.
%%
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
%%
Sorry can't talk right now!
This building is about to blow up!
%%
Sorry, computer foul-up!
%%
Sorry Congressman. Cash only.
%%
"Sorry, did I say something wrong?" said Marvin, the paranoid human-hating
robot, dragging himself on regardless. "Pardon me for breathing, which I never
do anyway so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed...
Life!  Don't talk to me about life."
 -- Marvin the Paranoid Android, in Douglas Adams,
 -- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Sorry for the disaster.   And thanks for your patience!
 -- Chris Thyberg
%%
Sorry, gone fishing...
 -- C Error #026
%%
Sorry, gotta go.  My regeneration is starting.
%%
Sorry, he is now with the FBI. They finally caught up with him.
%%
Sorry, I can't drive automatic!
%%
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
Sorry. I don't "do" COBOL.
%%
Sorry. I don't "do" Fortran.
%%
Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
%%
Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!
%%
Sorry, I'm a born lever-puller.
%%
Sorry, I'm busy with debugging.  Try again later.
%%
Sorry, I mistook me for someone else
%%
Sorry I'm late!
Oh, don't bother apologising. I'm sorry you're alive.
 -- Percy and Edmund : Bells
%%
Sorry, I must have bypassed my good taste chip.
 -- Kryten
%%
Sorry, I've been indulging in creative forgetting.
%%
Sorry, my English is not very good. No punt intended.
%%
Sorry, my englis is so bad.
 __________________________________
   ,    ,
  ("\''/").___..--''"`-._
   `9_ 9  )   `-.  (     ).`-.__.`)
   (_Y_.)'  ._   )  `._ `. ``-..-'
 _..`--'_..-_/  /--'_.' .
 il).-''  ((i).'  ((!.-'
%%
Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors.
%%
Sorry, my mind was on edible underwear today.
%%
Sorry never means having you're say to love.
%%
Sorry, no obscene fortunes.  Don't want to offend anyone.
[Now that's obscene!]
%%
Sorry ... no quote today.
%%
Sorry, no tagline. Check back next week.
%%
Sorry, no tagline... imagination still in beta.
%%
Sorry officer, but I was only doing 28.8kbps REALLY!
%%
Sorry officer, I was holding my dogs' leash at the time.
%%
Sorry officer, I was only doing warp 2.
%%
Sorry Pee-Wee', that's not an exibition sport yet.
%%
Sorry sir, I seem to be commenting on everything.
 -- Data to Riker, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
 Sorry that we're not at home.
 Please leave a message after the tone.
 When we get in,
 We'll give you a ring.
 Until then, wait by the phone.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Sorry, the brain you have reached has been disconnected...
%%
Sorry, the Dog ate my Blue Wave packet.
%%
Sorry, this attempt at running the fortune program has failed.
%%
Sorry, this Cookie broken!
%%
Sorry! This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.1!
%%
Sorry to hear about your Rectocranial Inversion.
%%
Sorry Toyna, no metals, no endorsments, nothing!
%%
Sorry, wrong number.
%%
Sorry, wrong species.
 -- Selay delegate to Riker, "Lonely Among Us", stardate 41249.3
%%
Sorry, wrong switch..
%%
Sort of like an inverse Einstein.
%%
So saying, with despatchful looks in haste
She turns, on hospitable thoughts intent.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 331
%%
So scented the grim Feature, and upturn'd
His nostril wide into the murky air,
Sagacious of his quarry from so far.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book x, Line 279
%%
S.O.S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It
was just chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code
because it was easy to remember.
%%
So seek the wolf in thyself
 Shape shift - nose to the wind
 Shape shift - feeling I've been
 Move swift - all senses clean
 Earth's gift, back to the meaning of wolf and man.
 -- Metallica "Of Wolf and Man"
%%
S.O.S. - Everyone, vote against incumbents.
%%
So shaken as we are, so wan with care.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs vi, 11
%%
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple
pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops
its head into the shop. What! no soap?     So he died, and she very
imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies,
and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top,
and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the
gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots.
 -- Samuel Foote
%%
So sinks the day-star in the ocean bed,
And yet anon repairs his drooping head,
And tricks his beams, and with new-spangled ore
Flames in the forehead of the morning sky.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 168
%%
So Sioux me.
%%
So slippery that
The fear 's as bad as falling.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
So slow he has to speed up to stop.
%%
:SOS: n.,obs. /S-O-S/ 1. An infamously {losing} text editor.
   Once, back in the 1960s, when a text editor was needed for the
   PDP-6, a hacker crufted together a {quick-and-dirty} `stopgap
   editor' to be used until a better one was written.  Unfortunately,
   the old one was never really discarded when new ones (in
   particular, {TECO}) came along.  SOS is a descendant (`Son of
   Stopgap') of that editor, and many PDP-10 users gained the dubious
   pleasure of its acquaintance.  Since then other programs similar in
   style to SOS have been written, notably the early font editor BILOS
   /bye'lohs/, the Brother-In-Law Of Stopgap (the alternate expansion
   `Bastard Issue, Loins of Stopgap' has been proposed).  2. /sos/
   vt. To decrease; inverse of {AOS}, from the PDP-10 instruction
   set.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
So softly death succeeded life in her,
She did but dream of heaven, and she was there.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Eleonora, Line 315
%%
"So so" is good, very good, very excellent good; and yet it is not;
it is but so so.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
:SO: /S-O/ n. 1. (also `S.O.') Abbrev. for Significant
   Other, almost invariably written abbreviated and pronounced
   /S-O/ by hackers.  Used to refer to one's primary
   relationship, esp. a live-in to whom one is not married.  See
   {MOTAS}, {MOTOS}, {MOTSS}.  2. The Shift Out control
   character in ASCII (Control-N, 0001110).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
So... so you think you can tell... heaven from hell...
%%
So spake the grisly Terror.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 704
%%
So spake the seraph Abdiel, faithful found;
Among the faithless, faithful only he.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 896
%%
SOS: Sign Off, Stupid
%%
So stands the statue that enchants the world,
So bending tries to veil the matchless boast,
The mingled beauties of exulting Greece.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 1346
%%
So stupid, mind readers charge her half price.
%%
So sure are you! Tried have you? Always with you it can't be done.
Hear you nothing that I say? Try not. Do! Do! Or do not. There is no try.
 -- Yoda [The Empire Strikes Back]
%%
So sweetly she bade me adieu,
I thought that she bade me return.
 -- William Shenstone (1714-1763)
 -- A Pastoral, Part i
%%
So sweet was ne'er so fatal.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
So's your girlfriend, @$$#0[&!
%%
So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
 -- Psalms 90:10
%%
So tell me about your problems...
%%
So tell me, did a moose ever bite yer sister?
%%
So tell me, what colour is the sky on your planet?
%%
So tender you can cut it with a fork.
 -- Lorena Bobbitt
%%
So that there was neither hammer nor axe nor any tool of iron heard
in the house, while it was in building.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings vi, 7
%%
"...so the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
 encryption standard and they came up with..."
"EBCDIC!"
 -- From a collection of University of Waterloo Computer/Math class quotes
%%
... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks.  Generally, their
procedure is to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as
to infest the waters.  I would estimate that the primary food source of
sharks today is bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making
documentaries.  Once the sharks arrive, they are generally fairly
listless.  The general shark attitude seems to be: Oh God, another
documentary.    So the divers have to somehow goad them into attacking,
under the guise of Scientific Research.  We know very little about the
effect of electricity on sharks, the narrator will say, in a deeply
scientific voice.    That is why Todd is going to jab this Great White
in the testicles with a cattle prod.    The divers keep this kind of
thing up until the shark finally gets irritated and snaps at them, and
then they act as though this was a totally unexpected and very
dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all
along.
 -- Dave Barry, The Wonders of Sharks on TV
%%
So the elephant was'nt a flying trapeeze?
%%
    So then, these are the foundations, as they call them, of
all mixt bodies, and of all wonderful operations: and
whatsoever experiments they proved, the causes hereof rested
(as they supposed) and were to be found in the Elements and
their qualities.
 -- Giambattista Della Porta - Natural Magick
%%
So the struck eagle, stretch'd upon the plain,
No more through rolling clouds to soar again,
View'd his own feather on the fatal dart,
And wing'd the shaft that quiver'd in his heart.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, Line 826
%%
So? The T-Rex fence is down. He's to stupid to g%#%^#%NO CARRIER
%%
So they put him in chains for acting too hard.
%%
So they're building this tunnel between France and England.
England drives on the left side of the road.
France drives on the right side of the road.

That's going to be one busy lane!!!!
%%
So they say this is the golden age, and gold is the reason for the
 wars we wage.
 -- U2
%%
So they went their way, and the dog went after them.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Tobit xi, 4
%%
So, this doesn't mean anything, but at least it's not obvious
nonsense.
 -- Hugh Young
%%
So this gentleman said a girl with brains ought to do something else
with them besides think.
 -- Anita Loos
%%
... So this is a very confusing situation, and what makes it even worse
is, our standards keep changing.  Take Playboy magazine.  Back in the
1950s, when I started reading it strictly for the articles, Playboy was
considered just about the raciest thing around, even though all it ever
showed was women's breasts.  Granted, any given one of these breasts
would have provided adequate shelter for a family of four, but the
overall effect was no more explicit than many publications we think
nothing of today, such as Sports Illustrated's Annual Nipples Poking
Through Swimsuits Issue.
 -- Dave Barry, Pornography
%%
"So this is it," said Arthur, "we are going to die."
"Yes," said Ford, "except...no!  Wait a minute!"  He suddenly lunged across
the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision.  "What's this
switch?" he cried.
"What?   Where?" cried Arthur, twisting around.
"No, I was only fooling," said Ford, "we are going to die after all."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
So this is the secret of happiness!
%%
So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
So to the hardware shop for Things Of Stone And Wood
But if I didn't want a 2x4 then I was out of luck
And finally down dark Fitzroy Street looking for Queen
But to my horror, they would only offer me a fu
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
SOT: Sit On a Tack
%%
So typical of the Doctor's predilection for the third rate.
 -- Master, Time-Flight
%%
Soul of Casanova.  Body of Elmer Fudd.
%%
Soul of the age,
The applause, delight, the wonder of our stage,
My Shakespeare, rise! I will not lodge thee by
Chaucer or Spenser, or bid Beaumont lie
A little further, to make thee a room.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- To the Memory of Shakespeare
%%
Souls made of fire, and children of the sun,
With whom revenge is virtue.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- The Revenge, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease,
eat, drink, and be merry.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xii, 19
%%
Sound Advice: Hang up on any phone conversation that starts with this
 dialogue or monologue: "Congratulations, you have been chosen......"
%%
Sound Blaster? Who needs it, I've got a wife!!
%%
Sound effects of a one night stand.. Eh Uh Eh Uh Eh..Uhhh
%%
Sound has nothing to do with music.
%%
Sound is a rapid series of osculations.
%%
Sound is worth money.
%%
Sounds like a Parody error this time...
%%
Sounds like a personal problem.
 -- John "Mad Dog" Matzka
%%
Sounds like help is finally on the way!!!!!
%%
Sound's like you want Vanna White with Whoopi Goldberg's brain!
%%
(sounds of cheers...Baldrick enters the dugout)
Sir! Sir! It's all over the trenches!
Well, mop it up, then...
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Major Star
%%
Sounds travel slowly. Sometimes the things you say to your kids don't reach
them till they're in their 40s.
%%
Sound the loud timbrel o'er Egypt's dark sea!
Jehovah has triumph'd,--his people are free.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Sound the loud Timbrel
%%
Soup is the essence of meat.
%%
Source: Classified (Person to Person) in Chicago Tribune 12/6/91
WILL the lady who left her 11 kids at Lambeau Field please pick
them up. They're beating the Packers 21-0.
%%
Source code is missing a few lines.
%%
Source file:
One which was "appropriated" from one of the competitors.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
:source of all good bits: n. A person from whom (or a place from
   which) useful information may be obtained.  If you need to know
   about a program, a {guru} might be the source of all good bits.
   The title is often applied to a particularly competent secretary.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sources.  Hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
%%
Sour discontent that quarrels with our fate May give fresh smart,
but not the old abate; The uneasy passion's disingenuous wit, The
ill reveals but hides the benefit.
 -- Sir Richard Blackmore
%%
Sour grapes usually make sour whine...
 -- Solomon Short
%%
South African voters have shamed apathetic U.S. voters.
%%
South America has three time zones.
%%
South Carolina law prohibits pants with hip pockets, as furnishing
too convenient a place for pint bottles.
%%
Southern California Waffles: Sandy Eggo
%%
Southern DOS: "Y'all reckon?" [Yep/nope]
%%
South of the border: The Hispanics despise the mestizos, the mestizos look
with contempt on *Los Indios*, the Indians take it out on their women and
dogs.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Souvent femme varie, bien fol est qui s'y fie.
(Often does a woman change, and only a fool trusts her)
%%
So very difficult a matter is it to trace and find out the truth of
anything by history.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Pericles
%%
Soviet hardline leaders do it with tanks.
%%
Soviet Method:
Set working methods in complicated rules and numerous authorizations. Nothing
 will therefore happen, for which no blame can be put on you.
%%
Soviet power is a new type of state in which there is no bureaucracy,
no police, no standing army.
 -- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Soviet spy-dancer:  A ballet ruse...
%%
Soviet Union.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again.
%%
So wadda ya' want for 10,395 bucks, buddy? A 486i?
%%
So was hire joly whistle wel ywette.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Reves Tale, Line 4153
%%
Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit;
sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.
%%
So weary with disasters, tugg'd with fortune,
That I would set my life on any chance,
To mend it, or be rid on 't.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
So we beat on, boats against the current,
borne back ceaselessly into the past.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
%%
So we follow our wandering paths, and the very darkness acts as our guide and
our doubts serve to reassure us.
 -- Jean-Pierre de Caussade, eighteenth-century Jesuit priest
%%
   So we get to my point.  Surely people around here read things that
aren't on the *Officially Sanctioned Cyberpunk Reading List*.  Surely we
don't (any of us) really believe that there is some big, deep political and
philosophical message in all this, do we?  So if this `cyberpunk' thing is
just a term of convenience, how can somebody sell out?  If cyberpunk is just a
word we use to describe a particular style and imagery in sf, how can it be
dead?  Where are the profound statements that the `Movement' is or was trying
to make?
   I think most of us are interested in examining and discussing literary
(and musical) works that possess a certain stylistic excellence and perhaps a
rather extreme perspective; this is what CP is all about, no?  Maybe there
should be a newsgroup like, say, alt.postmodern or something.  Something less
restrictive in scope than alt.cyberpunk.
 -- Jeff G. Bone
%%
So we grew together, like to a double cherry, seeming parted but
yet a union in partition, two lovely berries moulded on one stem;
so, with two seeming bodies, but one heart.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
So we immediately rushed out and set up our own Lost Manual Review Committee..
 -- HavenTree
%%
So we 'll go no more a-roving
  So late into the night.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- So we 'll go
%%
So well to know
Her own, that what she wills to do or say
Seems wisest, virtuousest, discreetest, best.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 548
%%
"So, we're doing some restructuring and looking into changes to our pay
 progression.  How is the progression at your firm set up?"
"Generally speaking, the people at the top tend to make more than the people
 lower down."
%%
"So we're not home and dry," he said.
"We could not even be said," replied Ford, "to be home and vigorously
towelling ourselves off."
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even
built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or
we'll give it to you.  We just want to do it.  Pay our salary, we'll come
work for you.'   And they said, 'No.'  So then we went to Hewlett-Packard,
and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you.  You haven't got through college
yet.'"
 -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P
 -- interested in his and Steve Wozniak's -- personal computer.
%%
So what are you saying? That the Dremans are fated to die?
It's something that needs to be considered.
Well consider it considered and rejected.
 -- Geordi and Riker, "Pen Pals", stardate 42695.3
%%
So, what does a 'project leader' do, anyway?
%%
So what do we do if we get bitten by something deadly, then?, I asked.  He
 blinked at me as if I were stupid.  Well what do you think you do?, he said.
 You die of course.  That's what deadly means.
 -- "Last Chance To See", Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine
%%
So what do you think of her?
%%
So what do you think of me?
%%
So what else is new?
 -- Walter Cronkite
%%
So what if I am a modem junky?
%%
So - what _is_ a robber button?
A rotten borough, sir.
 -- George and Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
So what?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
So what's the plan?
We do...nothing.
Yup. That's another world-beater.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Nob and Nobility
%%
So, what's this 'RESET' button do?
%%
So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
%%
So what you do is do the best you can, express the genuine concern you
feel for the environment... but not take irresponsible action to guard
against incidents of this nature.
 -- President George Bush, commenting on the Exxon Valdez oil spill
 -- for the first time, seven days after it happened
%%
So, when a raging fever burns,
We shift from side to side by turns;
And 't is a poor relief we gain
To change the place, but keep the pain.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Hymns and Spiritual Songs, Book ii, Hymn 146
%%
So when I die, the first thing I will see in Heaven is a score list?
%%
So, where can someone practice with his phaser 'round here?
 -- Dr. Bashir to Odo, Stardate 46393.1
%%
So where did we all come from?  Stop acting like a monkey.
%%
So where is that bastion of liberal tolerance Sister Souljah now?
%%
So where the sheer incompetence of politicians and generals used to
start wars, the sheer incompetence of us computer people has now put an
end to it.  No mean feat.  For centuries humanity has been looking for
the Weapon That Would End War Forever.    We have found it.  War has
ended, not with the bang of a bomb, but with the gentle whisper of
crashing software.
 -- Gerard Stafleu (gerard@uwovax.uwo.ca)
%%
So where were the spiders?
%%
So who did frame Roger Rabbit?
%%
SO WHO NAMED YOU "TASTE POLICE" ANYWAY?
%%
So who's fault is that?...
%%
So, Who thought up Taglines, Anyway??
%%
So why CAN'T we have the best education system in the world?
%%
So why did they go from PS/2 to PS/1???
%%
So why don't you make like a tree... and get outta here.
 -- Biff in Back to the Future
%%
So wise so young, they say, do never live long.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
So, would you like to shoot him now or wait 'til you get home?
%%
So YOU are the one stealing all my Taglines, Bob!!!
%%
So you call this California, the land of golden sunshine, do you? Well, let
 me tell you something. Every day of every year the sun shines on New York
 three hours before it shines on you, so all California gets is New York's
 secondhand sunshine. Think that one over.
 -- James Thornton
%%
So, you'd like to register a complaint?  It's name please.
%%
So you don't know everything ... so what? It just gives you more reason
    to increase your knowledge ... who wants to know everything anyways? Life
    would be pretty dull if you knew everything.
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
So you mean I'm drunk. I feel strange, but also good.
Because, because you have lost the capacity for self-judgement. Now
  alcohol does this Wesley.
 -- Wesley and Picard, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
So young, so bad, so what!
 -- Wendy O. Williams
%%
"So you're from outer space!"
  "Actually, I'm from Iowa; I just WORK in outer space."
 -- Captain Kirk on careers -- Star Trek IV
%%
So you're now the high priest of the Lords of Destiny.
You didn't think you were going to get anything, did you?
%%
So you're Tiamat, huh?  Are you evil?  Yes?  Would you like to convert?
%%
So, you say I'm in a bad mood today!
%%
So you say you're a hypochondriac.  How do you know you just don't
think you're a hypochondriac?
 -- Charade
%%
So you see, the only truth proof of what you are is in the way you hear
 the truth.
 -- Lemmy Kilmeister
%%
So you think *I'm* the murderer?  What do I have to do to convince you
 that I'm not, be the next victim? Well that would be a start.
 -- Cary Grant & Audrey Hepburn in "Charade", 1963
%%
So you think that money is the root of all evil.
Have you ever asked what is the root of money?
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
...So you think there's a big market for jewellery that looks like
  snot, then?
 -- Edmund to Percy : Money
%%
    So you think you know great, nail-biting excitement, you think you know
truly abject fear, you think you know total and complete despair, you think
you know the incredibly degenerate underside of this world we live in, and the
ridiculously despicable lengths that your fellow man can sink to, more rotten,
more putrid than the lowest form of fungus... Oh. You are a sorcerer as well.
Then perhaps you do.
 -- Further Conversations with Ebenezum, Vol. III
%%
So you've been broke, and then you've been hurt
Show me somebody who ain't.

 -- "Human Touch" (title cut)
%%
 "So You've Testified Against The Mafia, Now What?" by Yurin Trubble
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
So, you wanted an essay, you got an essay!
%%
So you were over Unger and Unger was under Done.
%%
Soy un perdito. I'm a loser baby, so why don't ya kill me?
%%
Space-age cybernomad.
%%
Spaceballs?!  Oh shit!  There goes the planet!
%%
Spaceballs: The Flamethrower.   Kids love this one!
%%
Spaceballs: The Tagline!
%%
Spacebar, spacebar, please help me out.
%%
Spaced Aliens:  Columbian drug lords in US.
%%
Space expands to house the people to perform the work that Congress creates.
 -- Haynes Johnson
%%
Space Hamsters Rule!  Death to Unbelievers!
%%
Space, humans next goal in the race for immortality.
 -- Anmar Mirza
%%
Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.
%%
Space is a vacuum.
%%
"Space is big.  Really big.  You just won't believe how vastly hugely mind-
bogglingly big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the
road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Space is empty because 9/10ths of it is missing.
%%
Space is not the final frontier.
The final frontier is the human soul. Space is merely the place where we are
most likely to meet the challenge. The victory will occur in the continual
process of challenging and testing our limits -- both as individuals and as a
species -- and not in the amount of territory conquered.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Space isn't remote at all.  It's only an hour's drive away if your car
 could go straight upwards.
 -- Fred Hoyle
%%
Space is to place what eternity is to time.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
Space is vast, excellency.
%%
Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer.
%%
Space NOW ! Oh well, maybe later ...
%%
Space People read our mail.
%%
Space shuttle captain:
Who let that f%*king woman drive
 -- Famous people swearing...
%%
Space Shuttle pilot Admiral Dick Truly [ret.] was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve.
 -- Wheeler
%%
Space, the Final BEER! Homer Trek.
%%
Space: the final frontier.  These are the voyages of the starship
Enterprise.  It's five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds; to
seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has
gone before.
 -- Captain James T. Kirk
%%
'Space:  The Final Front'
 -- Ronald W. Reagan (well, he COULD have said it. . . .)
%%
Space travel is utter bilge.
 -- A British government official in the thirties.
%%
:SPACEWAR: n. A space-combat simulation game, inspired by
   E. E. "Doc" Smith's "Lensman" books, in which two spaceships
   duel around a central sun, shooting torpedoes at each other and
   jumping through hyperspace.  This game was first implemented on the
   PDP-1 at MIT in 1960--61.  SPACEWAR aficionados formed the core of
   the early hacker culture at MIT.  Nine years later, a descendant
   of the game motivated Ken Thompson to build, in his spare time on a
   scavenged PDP-7, the operating system that became {{UNIX}}.  Less
   than nine years after that, SPACEWAR was commercialized as one of
   the first video games; descendants are still {feep}ing in video
   arcades everywhere.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Spaghetti and Pete's Balls.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Spaghetti code means job security.
%%
:spaghetti code: n. Code with a complex and tangled control
   structure, esp. one using many GOTOs, exceptions, or other
   `unstructured' branching constructs.  Pejorative.  The synonym
   `kangaroo code' has been reported, doubtless because such code
   has so many jumps in it.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:spaghetti inheritance: n. [encountered among users of object-oriented
   languages that use inheritance, such as Smalltalk] A convoluted
   class-subclass graph, often resulting from carelessly deriving
   subclasses from other classes just for the sake of reusing their
   code.  Coined in a (successful) attempt to discourage such
   practice, through guilt-by-association with {spaghetti code}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Spagmumps: any of millions of styrofoam wads in mail order packages.
%%
Spain - a country that has sold its soul for cement and petrol and can only
 be saved by a series of earthquakes.
%%
Spake full well, in language quaint and olden,
  One who dwelleth by the castled Rhine,
When he called the flowers, so blue and golden,
  Stars, that in earth's firmament do shine.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Flowers
%%
Spam for me, with a side of crunchy frog.
%%
:spam: [from the {MUD} community] vt. 1. To crash a program by
   overrunning a fixed-size buffer with excessively large input data.
   See also {buffer overflow}, {overrun screw}, {smash the
   stack}.  2. To cause a newsgroup to be flooded with irrelevant or
   inappropriate messages. You can spam a newsgroup with as little as
   one well- (or ill-) planned message (e.g. asking "What do you
   think of abortion?" on soc.women).  This is often done with
   {cross-post}ing (e.g. any message which is crossposted to
   alt.rush-limbaugh and alt.politics.homosexuality will
   almost inevitably spam both groups).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Spam Lite: with meat products like these, who needs taglines?
%%
Spam!  Lovely spam!  Beautiful spam!
%%
Spam: lunchmeat of the stars!
%%
Spam now comes in four
 varieties, including Spam Light! Truly, life is wonderful..
 -- Things You Really Need to Know Department
%%
Spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans and spam.  "Baked beans are off!"
%%
Spam Spam Spam Spam, Spammity Spammmm, Spam, Spam, Spam
%%
SPAM: Squirrels, Possum, And Mice.
%%
SPAM: stuff phrom a mine
%%
SPAM: swine parts all mashed
%%
SPAM: Swine Parts Atomically Mixed
%%
Spam: the sound a pig makes hitting the bottom of the elevator shaft.
%%
Spam was, Spam is and Spam shall be.  After summer is winter, and after
winter, summer.  It ruled once where Man rules now; where Man rules now,
it shall rule again.  As a foulness shall ye know it.
%%
Spanish punks rule, ole!
%%
Spanking Jack was so comely, so pleasant, so jolly,
  Though winds blew great guns, still he 'd whistle and sing;
Jack loved his friend, and was true to his Molly,
  And if honour gives greatness, was great as a king.
 -- Charles Dibdin (1745-1814)
 -- The Sailor's Consolation
%%
Spare a book and spoil your mood.
%%
Spare a thought for the snake charmer with a deaf cobra.
%%
Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible.
 -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
Spare no expense to save money on this one.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Spare the rod and spoil the drag race.
%%
Spare-Time
 -- Programmer's Oxymoron
%%
Spare time?  You're lookin' at it.
%%
Spare your breath to cool your porridge.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xxviii
%%
Spare your breath to cool your porridge.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. v
%%
Spare yourself many hard falls - don't get on the ice with an NHLer!
%%
Spare yourself many hard falls; don't jump to conclusions.
%%
Sparing your helpless enemy who surely would have destroyed you, you
  demonstrated the advanced trait of mercy, something we hardly expected.
  We feel that there may be hope for your kind.  Therefore you will
  not be destroyed.  It would not be civilized.
 -- The Metron, "Arena," stardate 3046.2.
%%
Sparky, Sparky, Bo-Farky. Banana Fana Fo-Farky ..
%%
Sparrows do it for a lark (hearsay).
%%
Sparrows like bacon rind, tits like watermelons.
%%
Spartacus, like Jesus, was also crucified by the Romans. And for equally good
reasons.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
SPA: Sliding Point Arithmetic
%%
SPAT: Show Passwords on All Terminals
%%
Spay your dog before another Rush Limbaugh is born!
%%
SPB: Simulate Peanut Butter
%%
SPCA--we're here to inquire about the health of Dr. Schrodinger's cat
%%
SPC     Staple and Punch new Center hole
%%
SPD: SPin Disk
%%
SPDS: Scramble PDS
%%
Speak after the manner of men.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans vi, 19
%%
Speak boldly, and speak truly.  Shame the devil.
%%
Speakers do it with pointers.
%%
Speaker to Teletypes
%%
Speak every man truth with his neighbour.
 -- New Testament
 -- Ephesians iv, 25
%%
Speak French, but I sure kiss that way!
%%
Speak, friend, and enter. If you don't press enter, nothing happens.
%%
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
 And heed well their advice... even though they be turkeys.
 -- Anonymous
%%
Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
Speaking as a man in the street...AAAUUUGGGHHH!
%%
Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue.  Us men are tired
of losing our women.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about
                   breast cancer
%%
Speaking as someone who has delved into the intricacies of PL/I, I am
sure that only Real Men could have written such a machine-hogging,
cycle-grabbing, all-encompassing monster.  Allocate an array and free
the middle third?  Sure!  Why not?  Multiply a character string times a
bit string and assign the result to a float decimal?  Go ahead!  Free a
controlled variable procedure parameter and reallocate it before
passing it back?  Overlay three different types of variable on the same
memory location?  Anything you say!  Write a recursive macro?  Well,
no, but Real Men use rescan.  How could a language so obviously
designed and written by Real Men not be intended for Real Man use?
%%
SPEAKING CLOCKS do it on the third stroke
%%
Speaking for myself ...
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Speaking for myself, not my company.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
Speaking generally, no man appears great to his contemporaries, for the same
reason that no man is great to his servants- both know too much of him.
 -- Colton
%%
Speaking in public is like making love in public. Any fool can start
 something like this, but it takes a real effort to find a way to end it
 after it is once started.
%%
Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently
these days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people
to communicate with the people they love; Husbands and wives who can't
communicate, children who can't communicate with their parents, and so
on.  And the characters in these books and plays and so on (and in real
life, I might add) spend hours bemoaning the fact that they can't
communicate.  I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very least
he can do is to Shut Up!
 -- Tom Lehrer, "That Was the Year that Was"
%%
Speaking of purchasing a dog, never buy a watchdog that's on sale.
Everyone knows a bargain dog never bites!
%%
Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks.
%%
Speaking on the record to a journalist is like feeding noodles to a
tiger.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Speak little and well, if you would be esteemed as a man of merit.
 -- Trench
%%
Speak low if you speak love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Speak me fair in death.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Speak of the devil and he appears.
 -- Italian proverb
%%
        Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Speak out. You've got to speak out against the madness.
 -- Steven Stills
%%
Speak roughly to your little boy,
     And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy
       Because he knows it teases.

 Wow!  wow!  wow!

I speak severely to my boy,
       And beat him when he sneezes:
For he can thoroughly enjoy
    The pepper when he pleases!

 Wow!  wow!  wow!
 -- Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland
%%
Speak roughly to your little VAX,
And boot it when it crashes;
It knows that one cannot relax
  Because the paging thrashes!

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!

I speak severely to my VAX,
And boot it when it crashes;
In spite of all my favorite hacks
My jobs it always thrashes!

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!
%%
Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed broadsword.
%%
Speak softly and carry a big check.
%%
Speak softly and carry a thermostellar trigger.
%%
Speak softly and carry the Staff of Archmage.
%%
Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
 -- Dave Millman
%%
Speak softly and wear a LOUD shirt
%%
Speak softly, but carry an M16.
%%
Speak softly. Others carry big sticks.
%%
Speak the language of the country you are in; speak it purely, and
unlarded with any other.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
Speak the truth and shame the Devil.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, The Author's Prologue to the Fifth Book
%%
Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
 -- Slovenian Proverb
%%
Speak the word, the word is all of us.
%%
"Speak, thou vast and venerable head," muttered Ahab, "which, though
ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses;
speak, mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee.  Of
all divers, thou has dived the deepest.  That head upon which the upper
sun now gleams has moved amid the world's foundations.   Where
unrecorded names and navies rust, and untold hopes and anchors rot;
where in her murderous hold this frigate earth is ballasted with bones
of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful water-land, there was
thy most familiar home.  Thou hast been where bell or diver never went;
has slept by many a sailer's side, where sleepless mothers would give
their lives to lay them down.  Thou saw'st the locked lovers when
leaping from their flaming ship; heart to heart they sank beneath the
exulting wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them.
Thou saw'st the murdered mate when tossed by pirates from the midnight
deck; for hours he fell into the deeper midnight of the insatiate maw;
and his murderers still sailed on unharmed--while swift lightnings
shivered the neighboring ship that would have borne a righteous husband
to outstretched, longing arms. O head! thou has seen enough to split the
planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one syllable is thine!"
 -- Herman Melville (1819-1891), "Moby Dick"
%%
Speak to me as to thy thinkings,
As thou dost ruminate, and give thy worst of thoughts
The worst of words.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xii, 8
%%
Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Speak with authority; however, only expound on the obvious and proven facts.
%%
:special-case: vt. To write unique code to handle input to or
   situations arising in a program that are somehow distinguished from
   normal processing.  This would be used for processing of mode
   switches or interrupt characters in an interactive interface (as
   opposed, say, to text entry or normal commands), or for processing
   of {hidden flag}s in the input of a batch program or {filter}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SPECIAL CHARACTER - a character which is out of the ordinary, different,
a resident of Greenwich Village
%%
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
 -- In a Tokyo bar
%%
SPECIAL GUESTS
  What used to be known as a support act. When listening to support
  acts at concerts, look out for the drunken teenager nearby who has
  decided that he doesn't like them, and is demanding almost
  incomprehensibly that they "geeeeett offffff!" This demand will
  even continue between bands, when the PA is playing music off one
  of the roadies' CDs. When the main act actually comes on, he will
  follow this up with "oooiiyaaaaaeeaahh!" type screaming (now
  identified as being a regression to ancient caveman hunting calls),
  shouting himself hoarse in the vain hope that the star hears him
  and will be moved to personally come up to his seat and say hello.
  And of course clapping along with the songs, half a second out of
  sync, while gently swaying in the breeze of the indoor auditorium.
      Yes, all these things and more happened at the Lenny Kravitz
  concert the other night. Lenny Kravitz rolled into town with 14
  trucks - 4 for the equipment, 10 for his ego. After some great
  music, Lenny declared that there "is only one God!" Problem is, he
  thinks it's him.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Specialists are people who always repeat the same mistakes.
 -- Walter Gropius
%%
Specialization is for insects.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Specially in December, gift wrap your member.
%%
Special today---no ice cream.
 -- In a Swiss mountain inn
%%
Specifications, design, and coding can be done at any speed - only debugging
takes time.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #6
%%
Specified Service Conditions will be exceeded.
 -- The RPCISPE's Sixteenth Universal Law
%%
SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut.
%%
Spectacularism:
 A fascination with extreme situations.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Spectrophotometry: A long word used mainly to intimidate freshman
   nonmajors.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Spectroscope:  A disgusting-looking instrument used by medical
   specialists to probe and examine the spectrum.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Spectroscopists do it until it hertz.
%%
Spectroscopists do it with frequency and intensity.
%%
Speculation is the return lane of the road to knowledge.
%%
Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_|"
%%
Speech and expressive action that is supported by a majority of the
population does not need protection... the First Amendment protects
the unpopular.
 -- Robert J. Wagman
%%
Speech is a mirror of the soul: as a man speaks, so is he.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 1073
%%
Speech pathologists are oral specialists.
%%
Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds
 triple the restraining speed.
%%
Speeding doesn't kill people... Stopping really fast does!
%%
Speed is a viable subsitute fo accuracy.
%%
Speed is just a question of money, How much do you want to go?
%%
Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
%%
Speed kills...and causes other misteaks...
%%
Speed Kills. But in this company it merely astonishes.
%%
Speed kills. Slow just infuriates...
%%
Speed Kills
 -- The Doors
%%
Speed Kills. Use Microsoft Windows.
%%
Speed Limit: 186,000 mps Strictly Enforced
%%
Speed limit 300 baud; tagline construction area!
%%
SPEED now in 37 states, 14 countries & 5 continents.
%%
Speed of lightning, Lord of Thunder! Underdog!
%%
:speedometer: n. A pattern of lights displayed on a linear set of
   LEDs (today) or nixie tubes (yesterday, on ancient mainframes).
   The pattern is shifted left every N times the operating
   system goes through its {main loop}.  A swiftly moving pattern
   indicates that the system is mostly idle; the speedometer slows
   down as the system becomes overloaded.  The speedometer on Sun
   Microsystems hardware bounces back and forth like the eyes on one
   of the Cylons from the wretched "Battlestar Galactica" TV
   series.

   Historical note: One computer, the GE 600 (later Honeywell 6000)
   actually had an *analog* speedometer on the front panel,
   calibrated in instructions executed per second.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Speed Pays -- the doctor, the hospital, the mortuary.
%%
SPEED READ does everything but think up new taglines!
%%
Speed's harmless.  Impacting slower objects kills.
%%
Speed the soft intercourse from soul to soul,
And waft a sigh from Indus to the Pole.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Eloisa to Abelard, Line 57
%%
Speedy Gonzales knows every ones seester
%%
SPELEOLOGISTS make a science of going deeper
%%
Spellcasters do it with their rods/staves/wands.
%%
Spell-casting requires magic dust.
%%
Spell Checked and reformatted by Nathan Mates (nathan@cco.caltech.edu)
%%
Spellchecker not found.  Press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL] to continue ...
%%
Spell chequers dew knot work write.
%%
`... spell `creat' with an E.' [When asked what he would do
 differently if starting UNIX over again.  Note that in
 Plan 9, `creat' _is_ spelled with an E.]
 -- Ken Thompson
%%
Spelling checkers at maximum!  Fire!
%%
:spelling flame: [USENET] n. A posting ostentatiously correcting a
   previous article's spelling as a way of casting scorn on the point
   the article was trying to make, instead of actually responding to
   that point (compare {dictionary flame}).  Of course, people who
   are more than usually slovenly spellers are prone to think
   *any* correction is a spelling flame.  It's an amusing comment
   on humAn nature that spelling flames themselves often contain
   spelling errors.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Spelling - grammar - apostrophes - CHECK!
%%
Spelling is a lossed art.
%%
Spelling problems? use "error-correcting" modems!
%%
Spellings: Compatible, definitely, protocol.
%%
SPELUNKERS do it in narrow dark places
%%
Spelunkers do it underground.
%%
SPELUNKERS do it while wearing heavy rubber protective devices
%%
Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
 -- Peter's Prognosis
%%
Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
%%
Spending four or five hours a day tracing through CONSIO with an
 assembly-level debugger will take the spring out of anybody's step.
 -- The Lone Contractor
%%
"Spending programs are now 'investments,' taxes are 'contributions,' and
these are the same people who say _I_ need a dictionary?"
 -- Dan Quayle 2/19/93
%%
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Spice is nice.
%%
Spice is the variety of life.
%%
Spice up your love life....kiss a Klingon today!
%%
Spick and span new.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Family of Love, Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Spies do it under cover.
%%
:spiffy: /spi'fee/ adj. 1. Said of programs having a pretty,
   clever, or exceptionally well-designed interface. "Have you seen
   the spiffy {X} version of {empire} yet?"  2. Said
   sarcastically of a program that is perceived to have little more
   than a flashy interface going for it.  Which meaning should be
   drawn depends delicately on tone of voice and context.  This word
   was common mainstream slang during the 1940s, in a sense close
   to 1.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:spike: v. To defeat a selection mechanism by introducing a
   (sometimes temporary) device that forces a specific result.  The
   word is used in several industries; telephone engineers refer to
   spiking a relay by inserting a pin to hold the relay in either the
   closed or open state, and railroaders refer to spiking a
   track switch so that it cannot be moved.  In programming
   environments it normally refers to a temporary change, usually for
   testing purposes (as opposed to a permanent change, which would be
   called {hardwired}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Spill a drink on your hard drive?  Try PC Towels.
%%
Spilling your drink is alcohol abuse!
%%
Spilling your guts out is just as charming as it sounds.
%%
Spinach, carrot, and a melon - a meal fit for a nurse!
%%
Spinach makes me feel alone.
%%
Spindle, Fold & Mutilate - See if I care...
%%
Spin My Nipple Nuts and Send Me to Alaska!
%%
Spinster:  A bachelor's wife.
%%
Spintharus, speaking in commendation of Epaminondas, says he scarce
ever met with any man who knew more and spoke less.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Hearing, 6
%%
:spin: vi. Equivalent to {buzz}.  More common among C and UNIX
   programmers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Spiral model
 a development model that allows you to fail in a small
 way several times over [see also: waterfall model]
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Spirits of peace, where are ye? Are ye all gone? And leave me here
in wretchedness behind ye?
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Spirits that live throughout,
Vital in every part, not as frail man,
In entrails, heart or head, liver or reins,
Cannot but by annihilating die.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vi, Line 345
%%
Spirits when they please
Can either sex assume, or both.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 423
%%
Spirituality and religiousness are on opposite ends of the spectrum;
spirituality is a personal belief system which overthrows all aspects of
religion.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Spirituality is the consciousness of victory over self.
 -- Victor L. Brown
%%
Spiritual leadership should remain spiritual leadership and the temporal
power should not become too important in any church.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
Spiritual Truth thru Superior Weapons
%%
Spirobits:  The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral notebook.
%%
Spirtle, n.: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your
eye.
 -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
%%
Spite is a little word, but it represents as strange a jumble of
feelings and compound of discords, as any polysyllable in the language.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along.
%%
SPITE:  It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. But not by much.
%%
SPIT HAPPENS
 -- Sign on baby's bib
%%
Spitwads are not free speech.
%%
:splash screen: [Mac] n. Syn. {banner}, sense 3.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:splat: n. 1. Name used in many places (DEC, IBM, and others) for
   the asterisk (`*') character (ASCII 0101010).  This may derive
   from the `squashed-bug' appearance of the asterisk on many early
   line printers.  2. [MIT] Name used by some people for the
   `#' character (ASCII 0100011).  3. [Rochester Institute of
   Technology] The {feature key} on a Mac (same as {alt},
   sense 2).  4. obs. Name used by some people for the
   Stanford/ITS extended ASCII
   circle-x
   character.  This character is also called `blobby' and `frob',
   among other names; it is sometimes used by mathematicians as a
   notation for `tensor product'.  5. obs. Name for the
   semi-mythical Stanford extended ASCII
   circle-plus
   character.  See also {{ASCII}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Splice me timbers, Sir Walter, it's bucko to see you, old matey!!
...I'm sorry?
She says 'Hello'.
 -- Queenie, Raleigh and Edmund : Potato
%%
Split Personalities: Jacqueline Hyde
%%
Split personality?  Who, us?
%%
Splitting Apart. It does not further one to go anywhere.
%%
Split your coffee? Call a Chemist!
%%
:spl: /S-P-L/ [abbrev, from Set Priority Level] The way
   traditional UNIX kernels implement mutual exclusion by running code
   at high interrupt levels.  Used in jargon to describe the act of
   tuning in or tuning out ordinary communication.  Classically, spl
   levels run from 1 to 7; "Fred's at spl 6 today" would mean
   that he is very hard to interrupt.  "Wait till I finish this; I'll
   spl down then."  See also {interrupts locked out}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Spock: "Admiral, scanning an energy source on Reliant, a pattern I've
never seen
  before."
David: "It's the Genesis wave."
Kirk: "What?"
David: "They're on a buildup to detonation!"
Kirk: "How soon?"
David: "Encoded four minutes."
Kirk: "We'll beam over and stop it."
David: "You can't."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "Admiral, this is Spock." Kirk: "Yes, Spock." Spock: "Engine
Room reports auxilliary power restored.  We can proceed at  impulse
power." Kirk: "Best speed to Regula One, Kirk out."  [To Scott]  "Scotty,
I have to ask.  Is there any chance of getting the mains back on the
line?" Scott: "I do not think so, sir, but you'll have my best." 
[To McCoy]  "Thanks.  I know you tried, Doctor."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "Ahh, Mister Scott, I understand you're having difficulty with the warp
  drive.  How much time do you require for repair?"
Scott: "There's nothing wrong with the bloody things."
Spock: "Mister Scott, if we return to Spacedock, the assassins will surely find
  a way to dispose of their incriminating footwear.  And we will never see the
  captain or Doctor McCoy alive again."
Scott: "Could take weeks, sir."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "A lie?"
Valeris: "A choice."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spockalypse Now
%%
Spock: "As a teacher on a training mission, I am content to command
the  Enterprise.  If we are to go on actual duty, it is clear that
the senior  officer on board must assume command." Kirk: "It may be
nothing.  Garbled communications.  You take the ship." Spock: "Jim,
you proceed from a false assumption.  I am a Vulcan.  I have no ego
 to bruise."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "Captain Garth..."
Garth: "*Lord* Garth!"
Spock: "As you wish.  In any case..."
 -- "Whom Gods Destroy", Stardate unknown
%%
Spock: "Captain, I will not be coming with you." Picard: "Ambassador--"
Spock: "The reason for my coming here has never been more clear. 
The union of  the Vulcan and the Romulan people will not be achieved
by politics or by  diplomacy.  But it will be achieved.  The answer
has been here before us all  along.  An inexorable evolution toward
a Vulcan philosophy has already begun.  Like the first Vulcans, these
people...are struggling to a new enlightment.  And it may take decades
or even centuries for them to reach it.  But they will  reach it.
 And I must help."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "Captain, our information on these people and their culture is not
  correct.  This is not a primitive society making progress toward
  mechanization.  They are totally stagnant.  There is no evidence of any
  progress as far back as my tricorder can register."
Kirk: "That doesn't seem likely."
Spock: "Nevertheless, it is true.  For tens of thousands of years, there's been
  absolutely no advancement, no significant change in their physical
  environments.  This is a laboratory specimen of an arrested culture."
Kirk: "Thank you, Mister Spock, that might be useful."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate 3198.4 
%%
Spock/Data 1996: The Logical Choice
%%
Spock, did you see the looks on their faces?
    Yes, Captain, a sort of vacant contentment.
%%
Spock: "Doctor, would you care to assist me in performing surgery
on a torpedo?"
McCoy: "'Fascinating.'"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "Excuse me, Doctor.  I'm getting a number of distress calls."
McCoy: "I don't doubt it."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Spock: "Extremely [little] joke, Ensign."
 -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardat"
%%
Spock: "For everything there is a first time, Lieutenant.  Don't you agree,
  Admiral?"
Kirk: "Mmm-hmm."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "For some time now, I've been aware of a growing movement here of people
  who seek to learn the ideals of the Vulcan philosophy.  They've been declared
  enemies of the state, but there are a few in the Romulan hierarchy like
  Pardek, who are sympathetic.  *He* asked me to come now, because he believes
  it may be time to take the first step toward reunification."
Picard: "'Reunification'?  After so many centuries?  After so many fundamental
  differences that've evolved between your peoples?"
Spock: "It would seem unlikely to succeed, but I cannot ignore the potential
  rewards that a union between our two worlds would bring."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "Gas.  Gas, Captain.  Under impulse power she expends fuel
like any other
  vessel.  We call it 'plasma'.  But whatever the Klingon designation is it is
  merely ionized gas."
Uhura: "Well what about all that equipment we're carrying to catalog gaseous
  anomalies?  Well the thing's got to have a tailpipe."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "Gracie is pregnant."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Spock: "Hamlet, Act III, Scene I."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Spock: "He heard you.  He simply could not believe his ears."
 -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardate 4525.6.
%%
SPOCK HELP,  I've Beamed Down and I can't get up.
%%
Spock: "Humans have no conception."
 -- "Amok time", Stardate 3372.7.
%%
Spock: "I did not anticipate such a passionate response to my arrival."
Pardek: "Romulans are passionate people.  The Vulcans will learn to appreciate
  that quality in us."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "I do not dispute that in the wrong hands--" McCoy: "'In the
wrong hands'?  Would you mind telling me whose are the right  hands,
my logical friend?  Are you by any chance in favor of these  experiments?"
Kirk: "Gentlemen, gentlemen, this isn't the--" Spock: "Really, Doctor
McCoy, you must learn to govern your passions.  They will  be your
undoing.  Logic suggests--" McCoy: "Logic?  My god, the man's talking
about logic!  We're talking about  universal armageddon!  You green-blooded,
inhuman--"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "I don't think you realize the gravity of your situation."
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
Spock: "If I were human, I believe my response would be, 'Go to hell!'...If I
  were human."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "If the Romulans do have an ulterior motive, it is in the best interests
  of all concerned that we determine what it is.  So, I will play the role that
  they would have me playing."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "I have personally vouched for you in this matter, Captain."
Kirk: "You...have personally...vouched..."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Spock: "I know of your mind meld with my father, which enabled him to complete
  his last mission."
Picard: "It was an honor.  He's a great man."
Spock: "He was a great representative of the Vulcan people and of the
  Federation."
Picard: "I was with him before coming here.  He expressed his pride in you...
  his love."
Spock: "Emotional disarray, it was a symptom of the illness from which he
  suffered."
Picard: "No, those feelings came from his heart.  He shared them with me, I
  know."
Spock: "Sarek would no more approve my coming here than you do, Picard."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "I'm afraid I don't know too much about Romulan disruptor settings."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "I'm attempting to construct a mnemonic memory circuit, using stone
  knives and bearskins."
 -- "The City On The Edge Of Forever", Stardate 
%%
Spock: "In any case, were I to invoke logic, logic clearly dictates that the
  needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
Kirk: "Or the one."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "I never took the Kobayashi Maru test...until now.  What do you think of
  my solution?"
Kirk: "Spock."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "Intrigues me, this Picard."
Data: "In what manner, sir?"
Spock: "Remarkably analytical, and is dispassionate, for a human.  I understand
  why my father chose to mind-meld with him.  There is almost a Vulcan quality
  to the man."
Data: "Interesting.  I have not considered that."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "In your own way, you are as stubborn as another captain of the
  Enterprise I once knew."
Picard: "Then I'm in good company, sir."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "Ironically, you may know Sarek better than his own son does.  My father
  and I...never chose to meld."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "I sense you have a closed mind, Captain.  Closed minds have kept these
  two worlds apart for centuries.  In the Federation, we have learned from
  experience to view the Romulans with distrust.  We can either choose to live
  with that emity, or seek a way to change it.  I choose the latter."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "Is it possible...that we too, you and I, have grown so old and so
  inflexible, that we have outlived our usefulness?  Would that constitute a
  joke?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "It is no concern of *Starfleet*."
Picard: "On the contrary, it is very much Starfleet's concern.  You're in a
  position to compromise the security of the Federation."
Spock: "You may assure your superiors, Captain, that I am here on a personal
  mission of peace, and *I* will advise Starfleet when it is appropriate."
Picard: "That is not satisfactory."
Spock: "You cannot remain here, Captain Picard."
Picard: "And I will not return without a full explanation."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "It is possible that I have brought my argument with Sarek to you,
  Captain.  If so, I apologize.
Picard: "Is it so important that you win one last argument with him?"
Spock: "No, it is not, but it is true that I will miss the arguments.  They
  were, finally, all that we had."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "I've never seen him look so happy."
 -- "Journey To Babel", Stardate 3842.3.
%%
Spock: "I was involved with 'cowboy diplomacy', as you described it,
long before
  you were born."
Picard: "Nevertheless, sir, I am not prepared to leave until your affairs are
  complete."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "I will not read this or any other statement."
Sela: "If you do not, you will die!  All of you will die!"
Spock: "Since it is logical to conclude that you will kill us in any event, I
  choose not to coorperate."
Sela: "I hate Vulcans!  I hate the logic!  I hate the arrogance!"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "I would advise youse t'keep dialin', Oxmyx!"
 -- "A Piece Of The action", Stardate unknown
%%
Spock: "Jim, there's an historic opportunity here."
Kirk: "Don't believe them!  Don't trust them!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Spock: Liberalism is not logical.
%%
Spock: "Lieutenant, have you ever piloted a starship out of Spacedock?"
Saavik: "Never, sir."
Spock: "Take her out, Mister Saavik."
Saavik: "Aye, sir."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "Lieutenant, it is agreeable to see you again."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Spock: "Logic cannot explain why, I only know that I must persue this."
Picard: "Even if it leads you into a Romulan trap?"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
"Spock, maybe your reknowned Vulcan logic can get Jim to rest.  God
 know he never listens to me."
  "Do not take it personally, Dr. McCoy. *None* of us listens to you."
 -- A classic exchange between Spock and McCoy in the STAR TREK comic
%%
Spock: "May I assist you, Commander?  I have had some experience in these
  matters."
Data: "By all means, Ambassador."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "Mister Chekov, set course for Rura Penthe."
Chekov: "Mister Spock, Rura Penthe is deep inside the Klingon frontier.  If
  we're discovered..."
Spock: "Quite correct, Mister Chekov.  What is required now is a feat of
  linguistic legerdomain and a degree of intrepidity, before the captain and
  Doctor McCoy freeze to death."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "Mister Sulu, you may...indulge yourself."
Sulu: "Aye, sir!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "Negotiating with the Organians will be time-consuming, Captain.  And
  time is the one thing we'll have the least of."
Kirk: "Well, we won't get it by talking, Mister Spock."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "Please, Captain, *not* in front of the Klingons."
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
Spock, quick, I smell tribbles!
%%
Spock, saying goodbye to a CRT: "Live long and phosphor"
%%
SPOCK's Brain, Elvis' body - think about it.
%%
Spock's brain, Elvis's body:  "Jailhouse Spock"
%%
Spock: "She can still outrun us.  And outgun us.  But there is the
Mutura Nebula
  at 1-5-3 Mark 4."
Kirk: "Scotty, can we make it inside?"
Scott: "The energizer's bypassed like a Christmas tree so don't give me too
  many bumps."
Kirk: "No promises.  On your way."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "She does not know."
Chekov: "Then we're dead."
Spock: "I've been dead before."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "Ship, out of danger?"
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "Don't grieve, Admiral.  It is logical.  The needs of the many...
  outweigh--"
Kirk: "The needs of the few."
Spock: "Or the one."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock: "Sir, you are a superb starship captain.  But as a taxi driver,
you leave
  much to be desired."
 -- "A Piece Of the action", Stardate unknown
%%
Spock: "So I ask that you respect my wishes and *leave*."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "The lieutenant was the first Vulcan to graduate at the top of her class
  at the Academy."
Kirk: "You must be very proud."
Valeris: "I don't believe so, sir."
McCoy: "She's a Vulcan all right."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Spock: The odds of surviving another attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.
%%
Spock: "There is an old Vulcan proverb, 'Only Nixon could go to China.'"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Spock: "They are dying."
Kirk: "Let them die!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Spock: "They aren't the hell your whales."
Gillian: "And I suppose they told you that."
Spock: "The hell they did."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Spock: "This is Ambassador Spock of Vulcan.  By now, Federation sensors are now
  tracking three Vulcan ships crossing the Neutral Zone.  These ships carry a
  Romulan invasion force and must be stopped.  I repeat, these ships carry a
  Romulan--"
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "This is Ambassador Spock of Vulcan.  By now, Federation sensors are
  tracking three Vulcan ships crossing the Neutral Zone.  These ships carry the
  future of the Romulan and Vulcan people.  Our long conflict is finally over."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Spock: "This will be my final voyage on board this vessel as a member of her
  crew.  Nature abhors a vacuum.  I intend you to replace me."
Valeris: "I can only succeed you, sir."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Spock: "We have volunteered to rendevous with the Klingon vessel which is
  bringing Gorkon to Earth, and to escort him safely through Federation space."
Kirk: "Me?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Spock: "We must endeavour to piece together what happened tonight.
 According to
  our databank, this ship fired those torpedoes."
Scott: "No way!"
Spock: "I sympathize, Mister Scott.  But we need evidence.  Please accompany
  me."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%%
Spock: "We will be able to follow the captain's movements."
Valeris: "How did you achieve this, sir?"
Spock: "Time is precious, Lieutenant."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "What are you doing on Romulus?"
Picard: "That was to have been my question of you, sir."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate Unknown
%%
Spock: "While I might trust the doctor to remove a splinter or lance a boil, I
  cannot trust him to replace a brain."
 -- "Spock's Brain", Stardate 5431.6
%%
Spock? Why aren't you dead?
%%
Spock: "Yet you are pumping him full of your noxious potions, as if he were a
  human."
 -- "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", Stardate 5730.6.
%%
Spock: "You are my superior officer.  You are also my friend.  I have been and
  always shall be yours."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Spock, you are such a putz!
%%
Spock: "You have to shoot.  If you are logical, you have to shoot."
Valeris: "I do not want to."
Spock: "What you want is irrelevant, what you've chosen is at hand!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Spock: "You've done well, Valeris.  As your sponsor at the Academny,
I have  followed your career with satisfaction.  And as a Vulcan,
you have exceeded my  expectations."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
:spod: [Great Britain] n. A lower form of life found on {talker
   system}s and {MUD}s.  The spod has few friends in {RL} and
   uses talkers instead, finding communication easier and preferable
   over the net.  He has all the negative traits of the {computer
   geek} without having any interest in computers per se.  Lacking any
   knowledge of or interest in how networks work, and considering his
   access a God-given right, he is a major irritant to sysadmins,
   clogging up lines in order to reach new MUDs, following passed-on
   instructions on how to sneak his way onto Internet ("Wow!  It's in
   America!") and complaining when he is not allowed to use busy
   routes.  A true spod will start any conversation with "Are you
   male or female?" (and follow it up with "Got any good
   numbers/IDs/passwords?") and will not talk to someone physically
   present in the same terminal room until they log onto the same
   machine that he is using and enter talk mode.  Compare {newbie},
   {tourist}, {weenie}, {twink}, {terminal junkie}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:spoiler: [USENET] n. 1. A remark which reveals important plot
   elements from books or movies, thus denying the reader (of the
   article) the proper suspense when reading the book or watching the
   movie.  2. Any remark which telegraphs the solution of a problem or
   puzzle, thus denying the reader the pleasure of working out the
   correct answer (see also {interesting}).  Either sense readily
   forms compounds like `total spoiler', `quasi-spoiler' and even
   `pseudo-spoiler'.

   By convention, articles which are spoilers in either sense should
   contain the word `spoiler' in the Subject: line, or guarantee via
   various tricks that the answer appears only after several
   screens-full of warning, or conceal the sensitive information via
   {rot13}, or some combination of these techniques.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Spoken inarticulations: ------------------------ Words such as
`mumble', `sigh', and `groan' are spoken in places where their referent
might more naturally be used.  It has been suggested that this usage
derives from the impossibility of representing such noises on a comm
link or in electronic mail (interestingly, the same sorts of
constructions have been showing up with increasing frequency in comic
strips).  Another expression sometimes heard is "Complain!", meaning "I
have a complaint!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sponges grow in the ocean.  That just kills me.  I wonder how much deeper the
 ocean would be if that didn't happen.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
:sponge: [UNIX] n. A special case of a {filter} that reads its
   entire input before writing any output; the canonical example is a
   sort utility.  Unlike most filters, a sponge can conveniently
   overwrite the input file with the output data stream.  If a file
   system has versioning (as ITS did and VMS does now) the
   sponge/filter distinction loses its usefulness, because directing
   filter output would just write a new version.  See also {slurp}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sponsors of the Olympic Drowning Team.
%%
Spontaneity has its time and place.
%%
Spontaneous combustion!  What a stroke of luck!
 -- "Sam and Max", Freelance Police
%%
:spooge: /spooj/ 1. n. Inexplicable or arcane code, or random
   and probably incorrect output from a computer program.  2. vi. To
   generate spooge (sense 1).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SPOOKER, n.  A writer whose imagination concerns itself with
supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks.  One of
the most illustrious spookers of our time is Mr. William D. Howells,
who introduces a well-credentialed reader to as respectable and
mannerly a company of spooks as one could wish to meet.  To the terror
that invests the chairman of a district school board, the Howells
ghost adds something of the mystery enveloping a farmer from another
township.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:spool file: n. Any file to which data is {spool}ed to await the
   next stage of processing.  Especially used in circumstances where
   spooling the data copes with a mismatch between speeds in two
   devices or pieces of software.  For example, when you send mail
   under UNIX, it's typically copied to a spool file to await a
   transport {demon}'s attentions.  This is borderline techspeak.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:spool: [from early IBM `Simultaneous Peripheral Operation
   On-Line', but this acronym is widely thought to have been contrived
   for effect] vt. To send files to some device or program (a
   `spooler') that queues them up and does something useful with
   them later.  Without qualification, the spooler is the `print
   spooler' controlling output of jobs to a printer; but the term has
   been used in connection with other peripherals (especially plotters
   and graphics devices) and occasionally even for input devices.  See
   also {demon}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.
%%
:spoo: n. Variant of {spooge}, sense 1.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sportscasters like an instant replay.
%%
Sports do not build character. They reveal it.
 -- Heywood Brown, journalist
%%
Sports is the toy department of human life.
 -- Howard Cosell
%%
Sports makes Higher Education palatable for Students who do not belong.
 -- Veblen
%%
Sports serve society by providing vivid examples of excellence.
 -- GEORGE WILL
%%
Sport, that wrinkled Care derides,
And Laughter holding both his sides.
Come and trip it as ye go,
On the light fantastic toe.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 31
%%
SPO     Skip if Power Off.
%%
SPOTS ON THE BATHROOM WALL by Hu Flung Do
%%
Spots on the Walls by Who Flung Pue
%%
SPOUSE ABUSE: Making your husband look at nude centerfolds of Femmi's!
%%
Spouse, n.: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't
have had if you'd stayed single.
%%
sprachgefuhl (2 dots over the u) - n:
a feeling for what is linguistically effective or appropriate.
%%
Spread before you is an organic garden of eleolated plants.
%%
Spreading
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxvii, 35
%%
Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!!  I wonder why?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Spreadsheet - A program that gives the user quick and easy access to a wide
   variety of highly detailed reports based on highly inaccurate assumptions.
 -- From the Government Computer News, November 21, 1988 Issue
%%
Spring appears, and we are once more children.
%%
Springes to catch woodcocks.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Spring is God's way of saying, "One more time!"
%%
Spring is here, spring is here,
Life is skittles and life is beer.
%%
Spring is sprung, the grass is riz.
I wonders where the boidies is.
Some soi the boid is on the wing.
But that's absoid!  The wing's on the boid.
%%
Spring is wonderful. It makes you feel young enough to do those things that
 age and your doctor tell you not to do.
%%
Spring makes everything young again except humans.
%%
Sprinters do it after years of conditioning.
%%
Sprinters do it in less than 10 seconds.
%%
Sprung from cages on highway 9,
chrome wheels fuel injected and stepping out over the line.
%%
SP: Scatter Print
%%
SPS: Set Panel Switches
%%
SPS     Short power supply
%%
SPSW    Scramble Processor Status Word
%%
SPSW: Scramble Program Status Word
%%
spurious interrupt at processor level %d
%%
Spurn'd by the young, but hugg'd by the old
To the very verge of the churchyard mould.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Miss Kilmansegg, Her Moral
%%
SQPWYC: Sit Quietly and Play With Your Crayons
%%
Square knot, not granny knot.
%%
Square meals often make Round people!
%%
Square root,cube root,log of pi;let's go get'em RPI!
%%
:square tape: n. Mainframe magnetic tape cartridges for use with
   IBM 3480 or compatible tape drives; or QIC tapes used on
   workstations and micros.  The term comes from the square (actually
   rectangular) shape of the cartridges; contrast {round tape}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Squash a Smurf today.
%%
Squatic diversion: anything dog owners do/view while the dog squats.
%%
Squat like a toad, close at the ear of Eve.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 800
%%
Squeak.  Squeak, I tell you, SQUEAK! - Ren
%%
Squeeze Me Hard!!!!  I Work Better Under Pressure....
%%
Squeeze my Lemon, till the juice runs down my leg...
%%
Squint as you approach me, lest you be blinded by my beauty.
%%
Squires:
 The most common X generation subgroup and the only subgroup
given to breeding. Squires exist almost exclusively in couples and are
recognizable by their frantic attempts to recreate a semblance of
Eisenhower-era plenitude in their daily lives in the face of
exorbitant housing prices and two-job life-styles. Squires tend to be
continually exhausted from their voraciously acquisitive pursuit of
furniture and knickknacks.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Squirming:
 Discomfort inflicted on young people by old people who see no
irony in their gestures: Karen died a thousand deaths as her father
made a big show of tasting a recently manufactured bottle of wine
before allowing it to be poured as the family sat in Steak Hut.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Squirm some more, Bill Clinton.
%%
Squirrels eating squirrels, my God, that's sick.
%%
Squirrels: rats with good public relations.
%%
Squirrels swim on their backs to keep their nuts dry!
%%
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
%%
Squirt guns don't squirt people.  .  .  kids do.
%%
Squish 1.00 - the Echomail processor from Cthulhu!
%%
Squished Squirrel
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
SQWERTY:  Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
%%
S.R.A.C. Centre de Quebec - R.A.S.C. Quebec Centre
%%
SRBO: Set Random Bits to Ones
%%
SRBZ: Set Random Bits to Zeroes
%%
SRCC: Select Reader and Chew Cards
%%
SRC: Select Random Channel
%%
SRC: Select Reader and Chew cards
%%
SRC     Skip to Random Channel
%%
SRDR: Shift Right Double Ridiculous
%%
SRD: Switch to Random Density
%%
SRO: Sort with Random Ordering
%%
SROS: Store in Read-Only Storage
%%
s.r. prozak philosopher of disorder, chaos, depravity, and lust.
%%
SRR: Shift Registers Random
%%
SRSD: Seek Record and Scar Disk
%%
SRSD: Seek Record and Scratch Disk
%%
SRTC: Stop Real-Time Clock
%%
  srt  - small round thing (mechanical term)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
SRU: Signoff Random User
%%
SRZ: Subtract and Reset to Zero
%%
SSAN: Stop, and See if Anyone Notices
%%
SSB: Scramble Status Byte
%%
SSDC--Same Shit, District of Columbia
%%
SSDD--Same shit, different dimension
%%
SSD: Scramble Segment Directory
%%
SSD: Scratch System Disk
%%
SSD     Seek and Score Disk [good for testing]
%%
SSD: Stacker Select Disk
%%
SSD: Stop and Scratch Disk [3815]
%%
SSJP: Select Stacker and JumP
%%
SSJ: Select Stacker and Jam
%%
SSM: Solve by Supernatural Means
%%
SSM: Stacker Select Memory
%%
SSN: Set Serial Number
%%
SSP: Seek SPindle
%%
SSP: Smoke and SPark
%%
SSSEEEEEEXXXX IIIIIINNNNN  SSSSPPPPAAAACCCEEEEEEE!!!!!
%%
SSSHHHHHH! don't tell anyone..... I occasionally see Martin Vincent here.
%%
S S S S <- teenage mutant ninja tribbles
%%
SST: Seek and Stretch Tape
%%
SST     Stop and Stretch Tape
%%
SSU: Screw the System Users
%%
SSW: Scramble Status Word
%%
Stabbed with a white wench's black eye.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Stability is more essential to success than brilliance.
 -- Richard Lloyd Jones
%%
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
Stable relationships are for horses.
%%
Stacatto signals of constant information...
%%
STACK:  A memory space used to entertain the programmers
and management by overflowing or being subjected
to mismatched PUSH/POPs.
%%
Stacker has trashed all your files, have a nice day.
%%
Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk...
%%
Stack manipulation - the use of inflatable falsies.
 -- Datamazing, 4/1/78
%%
Stack Overflow.  Brain halted.
%%
Stack overflow hurts!
%%
Stack Overflow. Press Any Key To Rebooty
%%
Stack overflow: too many pancakes. Eat some (Y/n)?
%%
Stack overflow: too many pancakes.  User halted.
%%
:stack puke: n. Some processor architectures are said to `puke their
   guts onto the stack' to save their internal state during exception
   processing.  The Motorola 68020, for example, regurgitates up to
   92 bytes on a bus fault.  On a pipelined machine, this can take a
   while.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
STACK UNDERFLOW: Better shut her down, Scotty. She's suckin' mud again.
%%
Staff meeting in the conference room in 3 minutes.
%%
Stagecoach -- Drama teacher
%%
STAGE HANDS do it behind the scenes
%%
STAGE HANDS do it in the dark
%%
STAGE HANDS do it on cue
%%
 "Stained Ceilings" by I.B. Yakinov, foreward by Jack Knauf
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Stalagmites: Miniature German prison guards.
 -- Spike Milligan
%%
:stale pointer bug: n. Synonym for {aliasing bug} used esp. among
   microcomputer hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
STALE: to take feloniously.  "Thou shalt not stale!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Stalinism begins at home.
 -- Tom Neff
%%
Stamp it <Preliminary< and ship it.
%%
 Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Stamp out distemper -- but don't step in it.
%%
STAMP OUT DOPE! IMPEACH CLINTON & GORE!
%%
Stamp out dope! Twit filter Bill Clinton!
%%
Stamp out dope! Twit filter Roger Barnes!
%%
Stamp out idiocy! Disband the ACLU!
%%
Stamp out nouvelle cuisine in our lifetime!
%%
Stamp out organized crime!! Abolish the IRS.
%%
Stamp out philately.
%%
Stamp out QUOTERS' DISEASE!
%%
Stamp out reality!!
%%
Stamp out terminologicalinexactituditarianism.
%%
Stamp out the post office!  Mail electronically.
%%
Stamps and currency.
%%
Stan and I thought that this experiment was so stupid, we decided to finance
it ourselves.
 -- Martin Fleischmann, co-discoverer of room-temperature fusion (?)
%%
stance: pose struck by a climber when an appreciative audience is watching.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Standard British bird, the gannet...it's in all the books!
%%
Standard Disclamer of course...
%%
Standards are always out of date.  That is what makes them standards.
%%
Standards are industry's way of codifying obsolescence.
%%
Standards aren't standard.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #1
%%
Standards are usually developed by 300 pound gorillas.
%%
"Standards committees are not the best ways to create a standard.
 Standards meetings and standards themselves are horribly political
 things.  One thing that people forget is that many standards are made by
 rather small groups of people.  A few good people can really save the
 day, and a few idiots can really make it miserable for years to come."
 -- Dennis Ritchie, coinventor of UNIX
%%
Standard - Similar to something else on the market.
%%
Standards (n). Battle insignia or tribal totems.
%%
Standards? On InterLink?  MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
%%
Standards? Sure, we've got hundreds of 'em!
%%
STANDARDS:
    The principles we use to reject other people's code.
%%
Standards? What standards? Whose standards?
%%
Stand Back! I'm going to communicate!
%%
Stand by, here we go.  Cut in the sublight engines.
%%
Stand down from battle stations, and Ensign change your phaser
%%
Stand fast in the face of adversity!
%%
Stand firm against all the powers
that be, never yield, be strong,
summon the arms of the gods to your aid.
 -- Goethe
%%
Standing at the very center of the plaza is a stone monument to
some forgotten hero. In one majestically upraised arm he holds
a rather nasty looking stone sword.
%%
Standing at the very center of the plaza is a stone monument to
some forgotten hero. It appears some vandal has made off with
whatever our hero may once have brandished so bravely in his
outstretched arm.
%%
Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous;
you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides.
 -- Margaret Thatcher
%%
Standing on your head makes a smile of a frown, but the rest of your
face is also upside down.
%%
Standing pools gather filth.
 -- Proverb
%%
Standing there making a sitting target of himself.
%%
Standing under falling pianos is not recommended.
%%
Standing with reluctant feet
Where the brook and river meet,
Womanhood and childhood fleet!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Maidenhood
%%
Stand not too near the rich man lest he destroy thee--and not too far away
 lest he forget thee.
 -- Aneurin Bevan
%%
Stand not upon the order of your going,
But go at once.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Stand (or sit if you are more advanced) on the shore and sing at
passing ships.  Score a point for each one that runs aground.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Stands not within the prospect of belief.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Stands Scotland where it did?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Standstill. Evil people do not further
The perseverance of the superior man.
The great departs; the small approaches.
%%
Standstill is giving way.
Good fortune for the great man.
"What if it should fail, what if it should fail?"
In this way, he ties it to a cluster of mulberry shoots.
%%
Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is
the good way, and walk therein.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah vi, 16
%%
Stanford women are responsible for the success of many Stanford men:
they give them another reason to stay in and study every night.
%%
STAR-BILLIES IV:  Return of the Jed...
%%
Star Date 9602.34 - Admiral Fox bites Worf!
%%
Stardate 99999.99 - The End Is Coming!
%%
Stardust on thursday is the only wrong.
%%
Stare.
It's the way to educate your eye, and more.
Stare, pry, listen, eavesdrop.
Die knowing something, you are not here long.
 -- Walker Evans
%%
Starfleet Academy has a drama department?
%%
Starfleet Inter-office Mail...
%%
Starfleet is not a military organization, its purpose is exploration.
 -- Picard to Sirna Kolrami, "Peak Performance", stardate 42923.4
%%
Starfleet Security: Ours not to reason why, ours but to scream and die.
%%
Starfleet Security...the few, the proud, the horribly mangled.
%%
Starfleet's finest. Fancy meeting you here.
 -- Picard, "Conspiracy", stardate 41775.5
%%
Staring voices.. from the dark room..
%%
Starkist don't want tunas with good taste; they want tunas that taste good.
%%
STARK RAVING SOBER
%%
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
 and Jerry Mathers as 'The Beaver'!
%%
STARS: a flight of steps.  "Jes go up them stars!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Starship Enterprise: Built FORD Tough!
%%
 Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please?  --
 Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency
 seven, do you want it on screen?
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
Starship trouper, flying high and low...
%%
Star Spangled Barrio: Jose Canusee
%%
Stars scribble in our eyes the frosty sagas,
The gleaming cantos of unvanquished space.
 -- Hart Crane
%%
Start a download. Get a beer. Multi-tasking!
%%
Start a family only if your parents are able to baby sit.
%%
Start a friendship.  EMail me!
%%
Start by doing what's necessary;
 then do what's possible;
 and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
 -- St. Francis of Assisi
%%
START: Cancel preceding jobs in queue
%%
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
 -- W. C. Fields (1880-1946)
%%
Start from scratch.
%%
Starting a new era in tagline lunacy!
%%
"Starting a painting is easy...the hard part is stopping before
you mess it up."
 -- Jeff McNelly, "Shoe"
%%
Starting brings misfortune.
Perseverance brings danger.
When the talk of revolution has gone the rounds three times,
One may commit himself,
And men will believe him.
%%
Starting up a suspended game....
%%
STARTLING EVIDENCE: LISP came from Mars?
 -- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
 (Start, low pitch, slow:)  Hhhhheeelllllloooooo thheeeerrrrrrre
 evvvvveerrrryyyboooodyyyy...  (Middle, normal:)  ...home of
 Veronica, Jaw-Chyi, Mark, and Mike.  Nobody's home...  (Later,
 high pitch, fast:)  ...liketoleaveamessageafterthetonethen...
 (End, incomprehensible chipmunk gibberish:)
 ...kkfjdkeirucjkljfklreudjfkleqBEEP
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
Star Trek Continuity ERROR: (A)bort, (R)ewrite, (I)gnore?
%%
Star Trek     II: A Tale of Two Starships. "Dee starship,dee starship,boss"
%%
Star Trek    III: The Search for Plot.  "Spock's brain."
%%
Star Trek     II: The Musical: The Rap of Khan
%%
Star Trek is dying, Jim! QUICK! Call 9111701!!!!!
%%
Star Trek is irrelevant. The Borg are irrelevant.
Uselessness is futile. You will be assimilated.
%%
Star Trek? Is that the one with Ed McMahon and the Klingons?
%%
Star Trek    IV: In Search of Cash. "So long, and thanks for all the fish."
%%
Star Trek    IX: Dr. Samuel Becket leaps into Spock.
%%
Star Trek    IX: The Wrath of Nintendo
%%
Star Trek Lives!
%%
Startrek makes your sterile.
%%
 (Star Trek theme in the background:)
 (Voice 1:)  Room 17, the final frontier.
 (Voice 2:)  These are the messages of Chad's answering machine.
             Its two semester mission:  To seek out your name and
             your telephone number.
 (Voice 3:)  To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
Star Trek: The Motionless Picture. "Where Nomad has gone before."
%%
Star Trek VIII: Scotty passes a Stone.
%%
Star Trek VIII: The Search for Shatner's Real Hair.
%%
Star Trek  VII: The Search for Shatner's Beer Gut.
%%
Star Trek  VII: The search for taglines!
%%
Star Trek   VI: The Undiscovered Money. "Odo, meet Martia. Martia, Odo."
%%
Star Trek    V: Shat happens
%%
Star Trek    V: The Final Rip-Off. "We apologize for the inconvenience."
%%
Star Trek    X: The Search for Shatner's Teeth.
%%
Star Trek  XXX: The Search for Geritol
%%
Star Truck  II: The Wrath of Nissan
%%
Start slow and taper off.
 -- Barker's Law for Civil Servants
%%
Start the day with a smile.
After that you can be your nasty old self again.
%%
START
 -- Windows95
%%
 (Start with:)  Hello, this is Adrian; I'm just returning your
 call.
     (Later change it to:)
 Hello, this is Adrian; I'm just returning your call.  If you
 haven't made a call yet, please do so now, because if I try to
 answer a call you haven't even made yet, it could create a
 temporal paradox, which could seriously disrupt the space-time
 continuum, and possibly even cause the entire universe to
 implode.  And you wouldn't want that to happen, now, would you?
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.
 -- Peter Drucker, American business philosopher and author
%%
Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist
drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to pur'ee of bat guano; and the
greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who!    And I'll
take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
 -- Harlan Ellison
%%
Star Wars Meets The NHL: Empress Chrissy Battles Charles Skywalker!
%%
STA: STore Anywhere
%%
State: A state is a situation which can be recognized if it occurs again.
%%
State capitalism is a contradiction in terms.
%%
State Dept of Unnecessary Double Redundancies Dept
%%
State Farm?  Guard dogs?
%%
State legislators are merely politicians whose darkest secret prohibits
 them from running for higher office.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
State lotteries are a tax rebate for intelligence
%%
Statements by respected authorities which tend to agree with a writer's
viewpoint are always handy.
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
Statements here are not those of the Sysop...
%%
:state: n. 1. Condition, situation.  "What's the state of your
   latest hack?"  "It's winning away."  "The system tried to read
   and write the disk simultaneously and got into a totally {wedged}
   state."  The standard question "What's your state?" means
   "What are you doing?" or "What are you about to do?"  Typical
   answers are "about to gronk out", or "hungry".  Another
   standard question is "What's the state of the world?", meaning
   "What's new?" or "What's going on?".  The more terse and
   humorous way of asking these questions would be "State-p?".
   Another way of phrasing the first question under sense 1 would be
   "state-p latest hack?".  2. Information being maintained in
   non-permanent memory (electronic or human).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Staten Island isn't really a big landfill...
%%
State Of The Art is technospeak for unproven.
%%
State-of-the-art
 what we could do with enough money
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
State-of-the-art - When referring to hardware: about five years behind the
best research labs. When referring to software: about ten years behind the
best research labs. For example, The Unix system is a state-of-the-art
operating system written in 1969.
%%
State-of-the-practice
 what we can do with the money you have
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
State run lotteries: think of them as tax breaks for the intelligent.
 -- Evan Leibovitch
%%
States as great engines move slowly.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Advancement of Learning, Book ii
%%
Statesman, yet friend to truth! of soul sincere,
In action faithful, and in honour clear;
Who broke no promise, serv'd no private end,
Who gain'd no title, and who lost no friend.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle to Mr. Addison
%%
Statesmen are not only liable to give an account of what they say
or do in public, but there is a busy inquiry made into their very
meals, beds, marriages, and every other sportive or serious action.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Political Precepts
%%
Statesmen tell you what is true even though it may be unpopular.
Politicians will tell you what is popular, even though it may be untrue.
%%
State your business and leave!
%%
Stationary mice have bigger balls.
%%
STATIONERY
  Objects such as pens, pencils, stapler and sticky-tape. These have
  been studied over the last few years, and it has now been confirmed
  that they are able to move around a house or office on their own.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Station experiencing difficulty do not adjust your set.
%%
Statistical Analysis: Mysterious, sometimes bizarre, manipulations performed
upon the collected data of an experiment in order to obscure the fact that the
results have no generalizable meaning for humanity. Commonly, computers are
used, lending an additional aura of unreality to the proceedings.
%%
Statisticians do it. After all, it's only normal.
%%
Statisticians do it approximately normally.
%%
Statisticians do it continuously but discretely.
After all, it's only normal.
%%
Statisticians do it randomly
%%
Statisticians do it when it counts.
%%
Statisticians do it with 95% confidence.
%%
Statisticians do it with a little deviance.
%%
Statisticians do it with deviates
%%
Statisticians do it with large numbers.
%%
Statisticians do it with only a 5% chance of being rejected.
%%
Statisticians do it with probability 1.
%%
Statisticians do it with two-tail T tests.
%%
Statisticians have a statisticaly significant chance of doing it.
%%
Statisticians probably do it.
%%
Statistics always reminds me of the fellow who drowned in a river
whose average depth was only three feet.
 -- Woody Hayes, Ohio State Football Coach
%%
Statistics and their use allow one to jump from an unwarrented assumption
 to a preconcenived conclusion without so much as even a slight hesitation.
 The use of such condensed information allows that compendious information
 may be sufficiently reduced to facilitate discussion among experts who can
 interpret the findings without any relation whatsoever to reality.
%%
Statistics are a highly logical and precise method for saying a half-truth
inaccurately.
%%
 Statistics are like lampposts: they are good to lean on, but
   they don't shed much light.
 -- Storm P (Robert Storm-Petersen), 1882-1946, Danish black-and-white artist
%%
Statistics are no substitute for judgement.
 -- Henry Clay
%%
Statistics: A system for expressing your political prejudices in convincing
scientific guise.
%%
Statistics clearly show ... the two happiest groups of people are
   married women and single men.   Think about it.
%%
Statistics - figures used as arguments.
 -- Leonard Louis Levinson
%%
Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork,
modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses.
 -- Ira Wallach
%%
        Statistics in the hands of an engineer are like a lamppost
          to a drunk--they're used more for support than illumination.
 -- Bill Sangster, Dean of Engineering, Georgia Tech
%%
Statistics: Numbers looking for an argument.
%%
Statistics prove that 10% of all accidents are caused by drunk people.
 It means that the rest of 90% are caused by people who didn't drink.

 For the sake of your safety, DRINK ALCOHOL!
%%
Status is gained in the eyes of others, and in one's own eyes, because
it is assumed that the importance of the work justifies the stress.
%%
STATUS QUO is Latin for "the mess we're in."  [the situation in which [we are]]
 -- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
Status Substitution:
 Using an object with intellectual or fashionable cachet to
substitute for an object that is merely pricey: "Brian, you left your
copy of Camus in your brother's BMW."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Status Symbol of the 90s: not voting for Clinton/Gore!
%%
Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep-- AAAAAAAAHHHH
%%
Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your hockey stick handy!
%%
Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!
%%
Stay away from flying saucers today.
%%
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
%%
 Stay away from needle drugs.   Richard Nixon is the only
dope worth shooting.
 -- Abbie Hoffman
%%
Stay away from Russia. If you go to Moscow you'll get yourself arrested and
 end up in the salt mines.
 -- Nicholas Daniloff's grandmother (to her grandson)
%%
"Stay away from that jazz man, Lisa.  Nothing personal ... I just fear the
unfamiliar."
 -- Marge in "Moaning Lisa", from The Simpsons
%%
Stay away from the DOS side, Luke!
%%
Stay back! I have a hockey stick and I know how to use it!
%%
Stay back! I have a modem and I know how to use it!!
%%
Stay clear of the level of no return.
%%
Stay cool! Hang loose! Admit nothing!
%%
Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!
 -- V. Dracula
%%
Staying with you requires a degree of stupidity of which I
no longer feel capable....
 -- Avon
Now you're just being modest....
 -- Blake
%%
Stay in love with a security until the security gets overvalued, then let
 somebody else fall in love with it.
 -- Roy Neuberger
%%
Stay in with the Outs (the Ins will make so many mistakes you can't
afford to alienate the Outs).
%%
Stay low, conserve ammo, and never deal with a Dragon.
%%
Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old.
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
Stay sweet and innocent.
%%
Stay the curse.
%%
Stay together, drag each other down.
%%
Stay tuned as The Canadiens smoke our team.
%%
Stay tuned as The Canadiens whip the hell outta our team.
%%
Stay tuned for Weird Al, tonight on UHF channel 62!
%%
Stay tuned to this echo for the "Excellence in BBS'ing Network."
%%
Stay well clear of Bondi Beach.  Surfboards can *hurt*, not to
mention the presence of that smelly pipeline coming from the mainland.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Stay with me flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love.
 -- Song of Solomon 2:5
%%
STBR: Scratch Tape Before Reading
%%
STC: Slow To a Crawl
%%
ST:DSN - Star Trek: Don't Stop Now!
%%
STD's -- the gift that keeps giving.
%%
STD: Stop, Take Drugs
%%
Steal from everyone & keep it. Just call it taxes.
 -- Liberal Rule #13
%%
Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
%%
Stealing from others is called plagiarism.
Stealing from yourself is called style.
%%
Stealing people's mail on a Friday night.
%%
Stealing taglines, eh?  Book him for "grand theft motto."
%%
Steal my wallet, car and TV - but leave the computer!
%%
Stealth condoms: she'll never even see you coming...
%%
Stealth Fighter? I'll believe it when I see it!
%%
Steal this tagline and I'll tie-dye your cat!
%%
Stealth means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Stealth tagline: "                                          "
%%
Steal! to be sure they may; and, egad, serve your best thoughts as
gypsies do stolen children,--disfigure them to make 'em pass for their
own.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Steamfitters do it with a long hot pipe.
%%
:steam-powered: adj. Old-fashioned or underpowered; archaic.  This
   term does not have a strong negative loading and may even be used
   semi-affectionately for something that clanks and wheezes a lot
   but hangs in there doing the job.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
STEEEEMPY!  You fat bloated EEEEDIOT!
%%
STEEL BELTED TROJANS - For the ACTIVE Klingon Male
%%
Steel workers do it hotter.
%%
Steep'd me in poverty to the very lips.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
%%
STEERING COMMITTEE
  Picture a huge semi-trailer, hurtling uncontrolled down the road...
  and inside the vast cab, is the steering committee, trying to pass
  a motion to swerve to avoid a little old lady.
      "I would like to put forward a motion to steer 10 degrees left,
      to dodge the little old lady."
      "Any seconders? Objections...?"
      "Well, I'm uncertain at this point as to the potential
      viability of such a move. It would almost certainly involve
      indicator loadings, excess steering wheel turning, and the need
      for specialist mirror engineers to check the traffic in the
      next lane. I would propose cost-benefit analysis..."
      *SQUISH*
      "... ah well, I think the point may now be academic. But let's
      formulate a review study of the situation, in order that..."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Steiner's Precepts
1. Knowledge based on external evidence is unreliable.
2. Logic can never decide what is possible or impossible.
%%
Stellar rays prove fibbing never pays.
Embezzlement is another matter.
%%
STELLA !!    SHUT UP !!
 -- Harry Mudd
%%
STEP 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result ....
%%
Step back and look at the big picture, you'll eventually realize that all
    the frustrations, stress, nailbiting and hairpulling was worth it.
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
Step back, unbelievers!
Or the rain will never come.
Somebody keep the fire burning, someone come and beat the drum.
You may think I'm crazy, you may think that I'm insane,
But I swear to you, before this day is out, you folks are gonna see some rain!
%%
"Stephanie, do you know what I do when I don't understand an emotion?
I suppress and deny it."
 -- Newhart
%%
Stephen Drake..................
%%
Stephen King's next novel: "Gyna's Semetary."
%%
Step on it before it gets the children!
%%
Step on no pets!
%%
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
 -- Dr. Suess, Oh, the Places You'll Go
%%
Sterility is hereditary.
%%
Sterility is hereditary: if your parents
didn't have children, neither will you.
%%
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Stern Ruin's ploughshare drives elate
  Full on thy bloom.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- To a Mountain Daisy
%%
Steroids, the breakfast of champions
%%
Ster than you can say Jack Robinson"
%%
stet fortuna domus - may the fortune of the house last long
%%
Steve Dallas - an anachronism of the swinging 60's.
%%
Steve Dallas - Disco era refugee.
%%
 Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the
 phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a
 message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away.
 Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
 Steve:  Hello.  Steve and Matt aren't here right now, but if...
 Matt:   Steve, what are you doing?
 Steve:  I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.
 Matt:   But you left the last one -- it's my turn.
 Steve:  No, I'm sure it's my turn.
 Matt:   No, you're wrong.  It's definitely my turn.
 Steve:  You fool, I know it's...  Wait...  Matt...  What are you
         doing with that frying pan?  (BONK...  THUD)
 Matt:   Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and
         number.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
 Steve is reassembling Elvis' brain and can't come to the phone
 right now, but if you leave your name...
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
Steven Spielberg, movie producer, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Steve Winter is to Fidonet what Barney is to reality
%%
Stewardesses do it in the air.
%%
'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
%%
Stewardess to boyfriend: Not tonight. I'm experiencing turbulence.
%%
Stick a boulder in your behind!
%%
Stick an extra parenthesis at the end and see if it works.
%%
Sticker attached to electric hand-dryer in public restroom:
 Push button for a message from Congress.
%%
Sticker seen on Enterprise computer:  Intel Inside
%%
Stick out your hand, I'll stick out my finger.
%%
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me!
%%
Sticks and stones can sure mess up a hard drive.
%%
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
 but whips and chains excite me!
%%
Sticks and stones will break our bones, but words will break our hearts...
 -- Robert Fulghum
%%
Stickstoff and stones may break my bones, but nitrogen doesn't hurt.
%%
Stick this in your script file #$%#$#@#$!!!
%%
Stick to your inkpots, kid, actors don't eat regularly.
 -- Anonymous
 (Colleague advising cartoonist Milton Caniff to avoid the stage)

 What acting means is that you've got to get out of your own skin.
 -- Katharine Hepburn
%%
Stick to your talent and the cows will be well tended.
%%
:stiffy: [University of Lowell, Massachusetts.] n. 3.5-inch
   {microfloppies}, so called because their jackets are more rigid
   than those of the 5.25-inch and the (now totally obsolete) 8-inch
   floppy.  Elsewhere this might be called a `firmy'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Stifle is the only word which is an anagram of itself.
%%
Still an angel appear to each lover beside,
But still be a woman to you.
 -- Thomas Parnell (1679-1717)
 -- When thy Beauty appears
%%
Still constant is a wondrous excellence.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet cv
%%
Still couldn't get no Dynamo Humm...
%%
Still crazy after all these years.
%%
Still figuring it out!!
%%
Still from the fount of joy's delicious springs
Some bitter o'er the flowers its bubbling venom flings.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 82
%%
Still going  Nothing outlasts Data  He keeps going and going and...
%%
Still govern thou my song,
Urania, and fit audience find, though few.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book vii, Line 30
%%
Still harping on my daughter.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Still I hope and I pray
that maybe someday
you'll walk in the room with my heart.
%%
Still lazy after all these beers!
 -- Bryan Rawson
%%
Still Looking For My Heart: Sam Francisco
%%
Still looking for the glorious results of my misspent youth...
say, do you have a map to the next joint?
%%
Still may syllabes jar with time,
Still may reason war with rhyme,
Resting never!
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Underwoods. Fit of Rhyme against Rhyme
%%
Still more fortunes obtained in early-mid 1991
%%
Still, no matter what Webster's says, to me  a date is going out with a
guy you like, and he opens the doors for me, and I comb my hair and try
to be civilized. A date is planned out in advance, so you have plenty
of time to get nervous about it.
 -- Thumper in alt.romance
%%
"Still on crutches, old man?"
"Yes, I'll never jump over the net at table tennis again."
%%
Still one more thing, fellow citizens:  a wise and frugal
  government, which shall refrain men from injuring one another,
  which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own
  pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the
  mouth of labor the bread it has earned.  This is the sum of good
  government.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), inaugural address, 1801
%%
Still, pretty good year...
%%
Still round the corner there may wait,
A new road or a secret gate.
 -- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
Still sliding down the razor blade of life
%%
Still, there is a calm, pure harmony, and music inside of me.
 -- Vincent van Gogh
%%
Still to be neat, still to be drest,
As you were going to a feast.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Epicaene; Or, the Silent Woman, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Still wandering through the night...
%%
Still waters run deep.
 -- Proverb
%%
Still you keep o' the windy side of the law.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Stimpy, your wealth of ignorance astounds me.
 -- Ren Hoek
%%
Stinky is not a fantasy, he IS real.  And I will find him!
 -- Stimpy
%%
:stir-fried random: alt. `stir-fried mumble' n. Term used for the
   best dish of many of those hackers who can cook.  Consists of
   random fresh veggies and meat wokked with random spices.  Tasty and
   economical.  See {random}, {great-wall}, {ravs}, {{laser
   chicken}}, {{oriental food}}; see also {mumble}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ST is William and Nemoy, not WIL WHEATON!!!
%%
St. Louis Music: Someone to Stay With
%%
St. Matthew did it passionately.
%%
STMLMD  Skip To My Lou, My Darlin'
%%
STM: Skip on Third Monday
%%
    Stockbroker (John) Well, speaking as member of the Stock
Exchange I would suck their brains out with a straw, sell the
widows and orphans and go into South American Zinc.
 -- Monty Python - Sex and Violence
%%
Stock brokers do it on the margin.
%%
STOCK ITEM .... We shipped it once before, and we can do it again, probably
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Stock Market Axiom: The public is always wrong.
%%
Stocks, bonds, handcuffs, and leg irons all the same!
%%
Stocks have reached what looks like a permanent high plateau.
 -- Professor Irving Fish, Economics, Yale, 1929
%%
Stocksy-babes (a truly vile British-slang insult).
%%
Stockton-A Growing Concern
%%
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
%%
Stoicism is the wisdom of madness and cynicism the madness of wisdom.
 -- Bergen Evans
%%
Stolen from the 7th. Street Bar and Grill.
%%
Stolen tagline deleted !
%%
Stolen taglines are the sincerest form of flattery.
%%
Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs ix, 17
%%
:stomp on: vt. To inadvertently overwrite something important, usually
   automatically.  "All the work I did this weekend got
   stomped on last night by the nightly server script."  Compare
   {scribble}, {mangle}, {trash}, {scrog}, {roach}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Stone Age: n., adj. 1. In computer folklore, an ill-defined period
   from ENIAC (ca. 1943) to the mid-1950s; the great age of
   electromechanical {dinosaur}s.  Sometimes used for the entire
   period up to 1960--61 (see {Iron Age}); however, it is funnier
   and more descriptive to characterize the latter period in terms of
   a `Bronze Age' era of transistor-logic, pre-ferrite-{core}
   machines with drum or CRT mass storage (as opposed to just mercury
   delay lines and/or relays).  See also {Iron Age}.  2. More
   generally, a pejorative for any crufty, ancient piece of hardware
   or software technology.  Note that this is used even by people who
   were there for the {Stone Age} (sense 1).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
 (Stoned, slow voice:)  Hey brother, you have reached the
 Narcotics Information Hotline.  None of us can answer the phone
 right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists.  Leave a
 message.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
:stone knives and bearskins: [from the Star Trek Classic episode
   "The City on the Edge of Forever"] n. A term traditionally
   used to describe (and deprecate) computing environments that are
   grotesquely primitive in light of what is known about good ways to
   design things.  As in "Don't get too used to the facilities here.
   Once you leave SAIL it's stone knives and bearskins as far as the
   eye can see".  Compare {steam-powered}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Stone trees are all very well, but in the next forest I walk through,
I want them all to be made of wood.
 -- Barbara, THE DALEKS
%%
Stone walls do not a prison make,
  Nor iron bars a cage;
Minds innocent and quiet take
  That for an hermitage;
If I have freedom in my love,
  And in my soul am free,
Angels alone that soar above
  Enjoy such liberty.
 -- Richard Lovelace (1618-1658)
 -- To Althea from Prison, iv
%%
Stood at the parting of the way.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ezekiel xxi, 21
%%
Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at.
 -- Carlos A. Urbizo
%%
Stop acting silly?  I can't - I'm not acting.
%%
Stop air pollution, ban Disk Jockeys.
%%
Stop air pollution. Quit breathing!
%%
Stop and think about this for a minute. Here is a guy running for President
 that is willing to spend umpteen million dollars to obtain the office, and
 while you are right there in his presence, he is telling you how he is
 going to balance the budget. His salary is going to be about $ 200,000 per
 year, and he is spending millions to get into this office, while telling
 you he is going to balance the budget. Does all of this really make any
 sense?
%%
Stop annoying Mister President with impertinent questions, Junior.
 -- Death Race 2000
%%
"Stop Arguing Now" by Xavier Breath
%%
Stop being so silly.
%%
 Stop calling me immature or I'll tell on you.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Stop censorship now, before it stops you!
%%
STOP!!  Come any closer and the programmer gets it!!
%%
Stop Continental Drift!
%%
Stop crack! Make rednecks wear belts!
%%
Stop crime at its source! Support Planned Parenthood.
%%
Stop cutting old growth forest.
%%
Stop day dreaming about success. Go out and obtain it.
%%
Stop domestic violence -- enact Joint PHYSICAL Custody.
%%
Stop entropy.
%%
Stop Global Warming -- Tape Rush Limbaugh's Mouth Shut!!!
%%
STOP HAUNTING MEEEEEEEEEE!
%%
Stop here for Transcendental Omniscience
%%
Stop!  I'm a girl whose fingernails are made of a mother's pearl...
%%
Stop it again!!!  Quit it some more!!!
 -- Masochist's Battle Cry
%%
Stop it!  Oh, stop it!  Oooooh, stop it some moorrrreeeee!!!!!!!!
%%
Stop looking at the world through rose-colored bifocals.
 -- Dorothy Parker (to a right-wing reactionary)
%%
Stop making sense.
%%
Stop me before I grill again!
%%
Stop Me Before I Kill Again...........
%%
Stop me before I post again!
%%
Stop me before I volunteer again...and again...and
again...
%%
Stop! Modem police. We clocked your Sportster at over 1900 cps!
%%
STOP: No Op
%%
:stoppage: /sto'p*j/ n. Extreme {lossage} that renders
   something (usually something vital) completely unusable.  "The
   recent system stoppage was caused by a {fried} transformer."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Stop picking your nose and go to the next message
%%
STOP PRESS:
The White House has just announced that George Bush will leave hospital
shortly.

In a box.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Stop reading me. I don't really exist!
%%
Stop reading this sentence!
%%
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
%%
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
%%
Stop searching. Happiness is always on the previous bus.
%%
Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only
take a bath.
%%
Stop smirking Number One.
%%
Stop smoking!
%%
Stop socialism impeach Clinton, before we all speak Russian
%%
Stop, stop all this dancing, I need room to breathe.
 -- the Hollies
%%
Stops wetness, keeps you dryer.
%%
Stop tagline theft! Copyright your tagline (c)
%%
Stop talking!  I'm out of aspirin!
%%
Stop Talking while I'm interrupting.
%%
Stop that! My girlfriend's getting suspicious!
%%
Stop that! Stop that! What a silly way to carry on.
%%
Stop the lift!  Worf's carsick again!
%%
Stop The Madness, censor a feminizt.
%%
Stop the world! I want to get off!
%%
Stop the world...Nixon wants to get back on!
 -- David Fisher
%%
Stop thinking, and end your problems.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
Stop trying to find yourself...the search isn't worth it.
%%
STOP VIRUSES, wear a sleeve on your floppy!
%%
Stop watching MTV.
%%
Stop what you're doing and TAKE A SHOWER!!!
%%
Stop while you're a Thread......
%%
Stop worrying about your varicose veins.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Storage is a Weapon.
 -- Amdahl ESS, 1995
%%
Store policy.  Children under 10 must have money.
%%
:store: [prob. from techspeak `main store'] n. In some
   varieties of Commonwealth hackish, the preferred synonym for
   {core}.  Thus, `bringing a program into store' means not that
   one is returning shrink-wrapped software but that a program is
   being {swap}ped in.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, sir.
 -- George Canning (1770-1827)
 -- The Friend of Humanity and the Knife-Grinder
%%
Storytellers live to tell the tale
%%
Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it.
 -- Hannah Arendt
%%
STO: Strangle Tape Operator
%%
Stove Top?  I'm stayin'!
%%
STPR: SToP Rain
%%
STP: Stop Those Pistons.
%%
Stragglers do it in the rear.
%%
Strag:  nonhitchhiker
%%
Straight down the crooked lane,
And all round the square.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- A Plain Direction
%%
Straight hooks.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Straight jacket memories, sedative highs...
%%
Straight, square, great.
Without purpose,
Yet nothing remains unfurthered.
%%
Straight trees have crooked roots.
%%
Straining harsh discords and unpleasing sharps.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
Strait is the gate and narrow is the way.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 14
%%
Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.
 -- Ashleigh                 Brilliant
%%
Strange, because they are so frankly and hysterically insane -- like
all dreams:
a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad
ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single
happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short;
who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children
to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children
with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice and
invented hell -- mouths mercy and invented hell -- mouths Golden Rules, and
forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who frowns
upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then
tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of
honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with
altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship him!
 -- Mark Twain, _The Mysterious Stranger_
%%
Strange but authentic names:
 Oza Winder, Faith Beaver, Labor Day, Pessy Tavilili, Rainbow Valentine,
 Penny Middlemiss, Alice Superman, Tampa Parks, Ralph Roper, Patience Smith,
 Bob Hunkapillar, Einstein Batoon, Nannette Footlick, I.M. Ugly, Zaphod
 Beeblebrox, Jesus Christ, Achmed Aaaaaargh, Harold Dick, Harold Butt,
 Theodore Bear, Julia Sludge, Jennifer Kuntz, Mary Twat and Joan Hurl.
%%
Strange events permit themselves the luxury of occurring.
%%
Strange faces peering out from the bathroom can be pretty
frightening if you are not in good health or spirits.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
Strangelove Reproduction:
 Having children to make up for the fact that one no longer
believes in the future.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Strangely enough, Data finds himself relating to Heavy Metal.
%%
Strangeness is really reality from a different view.
%%
Stranger in a strange country.
 -- Sophocles (406 BC)
%%
...Strange smell!...
Yes, that's the servant. He'll be gone.
 -- Mrs Pants and Edmund : Money
%%
Strange that a harp of thousand strings
Should keep in tune so long!
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Hymns and Spiritual Songs, Book ii, Hymn 19
%%
"Strange, when you think of it, that of all the
 countless folks who have lived before our time on
 this planet not one is known in history or legend
 as having died of laughter."
 -- Sir Max Beerbohm
%%
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of
government!
 -- Monty Python
%%
STRAPLESS EVENING GOWN:
       Bust truster.
%%
Strap on the ol' bit bucket.
%%
STRATEGY:
     A comprehensive plan of inaction.
%%
Strategy: A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until
 sometime after those creating it have left the organization.
%%
Strategy for the 90's-Invest in Negotiable Blondes
%%
Strategy is when you keep firing so the enemy doesn't know you're out of ammo.
%%
Straw?  No, too stupid a fad.  I put soot on warts.
%%
Streakers repent! Your end is in sight.
%%
Street clowns--if you've got a white face, a red nose, and baggy trousers,
 you're supposed to be funny. It didn't work for Mussolini, did it?
 -- Alexei Sayle
%%
 Streets full of water; please advise.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
Strength is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts;
not amid joy.
 -- Felicia Hermans
%%
Strength is irrelevant.  Resistance is futile...  Freedom is irrelevant.
  Self-determination is irrelevant... Death is irrelevant.
 -- The Borg, "The Best of Both Worlds," stardate 43989.1.
%%
Strength is made perfect in weakness.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians xii, 9
%%
Strength lies not in defense but in attack.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf", 1933
%%
Strength of mind: Person who can eat one salted peanut.
%%
'Strengths' is the longest word in the English language with just one vowel.
%%
Stress has been pinpointed as a major cause of illness.  To avoid overload
and burnout, keep stress out of your life.  Give it to others instead. Learn
the "Gaslight" treatment, the "Are you talking to me?" technique, and the
"Do you feel okay?  You look pale." approach.  Start with negotiation and
implication.  Advance to manipulation and humiliation. Above all, relax
and have a nice day.
%%
Stress- n. Doing a tight 180-dregree U-turn at Warp 9.5.
%%
Stress - The conflict that occurs when your mind overrides your bodies narural
urge to beat the living crap out of somebody who desparately deserves it.
%%
Stress:   The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic
desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately
deserves it.
%%
STRESS--Your gut says no & your mouth says yes
%%
Stretch'd on the rack of a too easy chair,
And heard thy everlasting yawn confess
The pains and penalties of idleness.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 342
%%
Stretch pants: what Lassie does when filming runs short.
%%
Stretch your coffee break, top it off with Juicy Fruit Gum!
%%
Strew on her roses, roses,
  And never a spray of yew!
In quiet she reposes;
  Ah, would that I did too!
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
 -- Requiescat
%%
:strided: /str:'d*d/ [scientific computing] adj. Said of a
   sequence of memory reads and writes to addresses, each of which is
   separated from the last by a constant interval called the `stride
   length'.  These can be a worst-case access pattern for the standard
   memory-caching schemes when the stride length is a multiple of the
   cache line size.  Strided references are often generated by loops
   through an array, and (if youre data is large enough that
   access-time is significant) it can be worthwhile to tune for better
   locality by inverting double loops or by partially unrolling the
   outer loop of a loop nest.  This usage is borderline techspeak; the
   related term `memory stride' is definitely techspeak.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Strike any key to continue.
%%
Strike any key to detonate computer.
%%
Strike any match to burn computer.
%%
Strike--for your altars and your fires!
Strike--for the green graves of your sires!
  God, and your native land!
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Marco Bozzaris
%%
STRIKE: STRIKE for more pay, better hours, etc.
%%
Strike the set.
 -- President Ronald Reagan's last words as President
%%
Strike the tent.
 -- Robert E[dward] Lee, 12 October 1870
%%
Strike while your employer has a big contract.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Striking the electric chain wherewith we are darkly bound.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 23
%%
Striking unions, note: Bankruptcy is also a closed shop!
%%
String Instruments: Viola Player
%%
String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters, that's 3 more
than ANSI said I should)
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
STRING space corrupt?  But I always use TAPE!
%%
Strive to look tremendously important.
 -- Spark's First Rule
%%
Striving for excellence motivates you;
striving for perfection is demoralizing.
 -- Harriet Braiker
%%
Striving to better, oft we mar what 's well.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
:stroke: n. Common name for the slant (`/', ASCII 0101111)
   character.  See {ASCII} for other synonyms.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Stroking a furry pussy will get you scratched.
%%
STROM: STore in Read-Only Memory
%%
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Strong are her sons, though rocky are her shores.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book ix, Line 28
%%
Strong government makes weak citizens.
%%
Strong like bull, smart like streetcar.
%%
Strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews v, 14
%%
Strong people always have strong weaknesses.
%%
Strong reasons make strong actions.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Strong Winds: Gail Force
%%
Stroodle: annoying strand of cheese stretching from a slice of pizza.
%%
strrev(strcpy("xus yti     "+7,"varg")-7)[0]='G'
%%
Structured programmers  DO it OD.
%%
Structured programmers do it repeatedly or else.
%%
Structured Programming -
a technique which creates beautiful looking code which doesn't work.
%%
Structured Programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.
%%
Structured walkthrough
 the process whereby the false assumptions of one
 member become shared by an entire team
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
:strudel: n. Common (spoken) name for the at-sign (`@', ASCII
   1000000) character.  See {ASCII} for other synonyms.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ST: Scratch Tape
%%
ST: Set and Test
%%
STTHB: Set Terminal to Three Hundred Baud
%%
ST-TNG A Space Odyssey: "My God - it's full of Yars!"
%%
ST:TNG Word Processor  --  Worf for Windows 2.0
%%
:stubroutine: /stuhb'roo-teen/ [contraction of `stub
   subroutine'] n. Tiny, often vacuous placeholder for a subroutine
   that is to be written or fleshed out later.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Stuck in Mobile, with the Memphis blues again.
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
Stuckness shouldn't be avoided.  It's the psychic predecessor of all
real understanding.  An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an
understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors.
 -- Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
%%
Student Athlete
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Student: Can you do problem number twelve? Wyler:
Twelve?...NO!...That problem is on the test.
 -- Oswald Wyler
%%
Student of the Harry Tuttle school of Revolutionary Plumbing
%%
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Students do it as exercises.
%%
STUDENTS do it on a guaranteed loan
%%
STUDENTS do it with their students
%%
'Students made it long ago,' said Rincewind. Handy way in and out after
lights out.'
'Ah,' said Twoflower, 'I *understand*. Over the wall and out to
brightly-lit tavernas to drink and sing and recite poetry, yes?'
'Nearly right except for the singings and the poetry, yes,' said Rincewind.
 -- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)
%%
Students may like nitrates, they're cheaper than day rates.
%%
Students of iron plumbing fixtures: Ferrous Faucet Majors
%%
Student's snack: cramberries
 -- Raymond D. Love
%%
Students today can't prepare bark to calculate their problems.  They
depend upon their slates which are more expensive.  What will they do
when the slate is dropped and it breaks?  They will be unable to write!
 -- Teacher's Conference, 1703.
%%
Students today depend upon paper too much.  They don't know how to
write on a slate without getting chalk dust all over themselves.  They
can't clean a slate properly.  What will they do when they run out of
paper?
 -- Principal's Association, 1815.
%%
Students use their heads.
%%
Students who obtain an A for a course will claim that the instructor
is a great teacher.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Stud hombre. Cybermuffin
%%
Studies of studies seem to confirm what we already suspected. There needs
 to be more studies of studies to find out what to do with them.
%%
Studies show that the average person has one testicle and one breast.
%%
:studly: adj. Impressive; powerful.  Said of code and designs which
   exhibit both complexity and a virtuoso flair.  Has connotations
   similar to {hairy} but is more positive in tone.  Often in the
   emphatic `most studly' or as noun-form `studliness'.  "Smail
   3.0's configuration parser is most studly."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:studlycaps: /stuhd'lee-kaps/ n. A hackish form of silliness
   similar to {BiCapitalization} for trademarks, but applied
   randomly and to arbitrary text rather than to trademarks.  ThE
   oRigiN and SigNificaNce of thIs pRacTicE iS oBscuRe.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Study art and logic - learn to draw your own conclusions.
%%
Study demonology with an enemy this Sunday.
%%
Studying for the Voight-Kampf test...
%%
Studying physics is like throwing mud at a wall and hoping some of it sticks.
 -- John Pritchard
%%
Study = NoFail
NoStudy = Fail
..............
Study + NoStudy = Fail + No Fail
Study(1 + No) = Fail(1 + No)
ergo, Study = Fail
%%
Study of the Glutius Maximus - By Ben Dover
%%
Study of the Glutius Maximus - Illustrated By C. Howitt Feals
%%
Study the past if you would divine the future.
 -- Confucius (B.C. 551-479)
%%
Study to be quiet.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Thessalonians iv, 11
%%
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when you see
 them wearing dark glasses and having streamers around their necks and a hat
 on their antlers, because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a
 party when they were shot.
 -- Ellen DeGeneris
%%
Stuff the head
With all such reading as was never read:
For thee explain a thing till all men doubt it,
And write about it, goddess, and about it.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 249
%%
Stuff them drawers, baby!
%%
Stulti timent fortunam sapientes ferunit.
%%
Stump: The state tree of Oregon
%%
Stunned Over Christmas: Holly Daze
%%
:stunning: adj. Mind-bogglingly stupid.  Usually used in sarcasm.
   "You want to code *what* in ADA?  That's a ... stunning
   idea!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
STUPENDOUS MAN TO THE RESCUE!
%%
Stupid: A e Women<                    Conf: (23) TAGLINES
%%
Stupid Bloody Taglines!
%%
Stupid? I don't know the meaning of the word.
%%
"Stupid" is a boundless concept.
%%
Stupidity: being unable to find your own butt in the dark.
%%
Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by
legislation. Stupidity is not a sin; the victim can't help being stupid.
But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is
death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically
and without pity.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Stupidity: chewing the stick, not sucking the lollipop.
%%
Stupidity cometh from using it and not knowing that it is there.
%%
Stupidity is always a capital crime.
 -- Larry Niven "N-Space"
%%
Stupidity is an Equal-Opportunity Employer.
%%
Stupidity is much the same all the world over.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
Stupidity is no excuse.
 -- Advice of Zek.
%%
Stupidity is no excuse for not thinking.
%%
Stupidity is not a handicap ... ask a Conservative!
%%
STUPIDITY is NOT a handicap ... ask a Liberal!
%%
Stupidity is NOT a handicap!  PARK ELSEWHERE!
%%
Stupidity is not an impeachable offense.
%%
"Stupidity knows no boundaries."
 -- Linda Atkins
%%
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.
 -- William E. Davidsen
%%
Stupidity may be masked by sincerity, but it is still stupidity.
%%
STUPIDITY: (n) (e.g. - Joycelyn Elders' off-the-cuff remarks)
%%
Stupidity on parental part is okay once...
twice in the span of a half hour is intolerable
 -- Julie Dunn
%%
Stupid Jill forgot her Pill. And now they've got a DAUGHTER!
%%
Stupid machine did what I said, not what I wanted.
%%
Stupid, n.: Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
%%
Stupid people always think they are right.  Wise people listen to advice.
 -- Proverbs 12:15
%%
Stupid people shouldn't breathe.
%%
Stupid people shouldn't breed.
%%
:Stupids: n. Term used by {samurai} for the {suit}s who
   employ them; succinctly expresses an attitude at least as common,
   though usually better disguised, among other subcultures of
   hackers.  There may be intended reference here to an SF story
   originally published in 1952 but much anthologized since, Mark
   Clifton's "Star, Bright".  In it, a super-genius child
   classifies humans into a very few `Brights' like herself, a huge
   majority of `Stupids', and a minority of `Tweens', the merely
   ordinary geniuses.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:stupid-sort: n. Syn. {bogo-sort}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Sturgeon's Law: prov. "Ninety percent of everything is crap".
   Derived from a quote by science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon,
   who once said, "Sure, 90% of science fiction is crud.  That's
   because 90% of everything is crud."  Oddly, when Sturgeon's Law is
   cited, the final word is almost invariably changed to `crap'.
   Compare {Hanlon's Razor}, {Ninety-Ninety Rule}.  Though this
   maxim originated in SF fandom, most hackers recognize it and are
   all too aware of its truth.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Style is the dress of thoughts.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Letter, Nov. 24, 1749
%%
Style may not be the answer, but at least it's a workable alternative.
%%
Styles: "Bridge, this is the captain.  How can you have a yellow alert in
  Spacedock?"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Style: There is something in too much verbal felicity (as in Joyce or
Nabokov or Borges) that can betray the writer into technique for the
sake of technique.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Styrofoam is shipped in ground-up environmentalists.
%%
Subaru: Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium
%%
Subduction leads to orogeny.
%%
Subject and verb always has to agree.
 -- Writing Rule 20
%%
Subject: longest turnaround time in the world
Rumor has it that when they closed down the 7094 at MIT in 1973, they
found a low-priority job that had been submitted in 1967 and had not
yet been run.
%%
Subject to a kind of disease, which at that time they called lack of money.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book ii, Chap. xvi
%%
Sublime tobacco! which from east to west
Cheers the tar's labour or the Turkman's rest.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Island, Canto ii, Stanza 19
%%
Subliminal: Send me $1000 in small, unmarked bills.
%%
Subliminal Tag Line -- stcudorp dnalroB yuB
%%
Subliminal tagline ... you will want to steal it ...
%%
SUBMARINERS do it deeper
%%
Submariners use their torpedoes.
%%
Submarine Sailors Go Deep and Never Come Up for AIR!
%%
Submissive females respond NOW!
%%
Submit to the present evil, lest a greater one befall you.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book i, Fable 2, 31
%%
Sub omni lapide scorpio dormit. [Under every stone a scorpion sleeps]
%%
Subpoena, n.:
 From the root sub, below, and the Latin poena for male
organ or penis.      Therefore, below the penis or by the balls.
[this is just a joke, the Latin term "poena" means "penalty",
while the English "penis" just comes from the Latin "penis" - same meaning]
%%
SUBROUTINE:
A unit of software that makes tangled code look
like it isn't.  Opposite of GOTO (sort of).
Useful for overflowing STACKs.
%%
Subscription up.  Please place tagline order now!
%%
  SUB  - Society of Utter Bastards
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Sub-space message sent on StarDate @D@ at @T@ to @FN@.
%%
Substance is one of the greatest of our illusions.
 -- Eddington
%%
Substitute damn every time you're inclined to write very; your
editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Sub-titled in HEX for programmers
%%
Subtle as a well-thrown brick.
%%
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting
 out of the way before it is understood.
%%
Subtlety is wasted on Ross Perot.
%%
Subtlety is wasted on the dense.
%%
"Subtlety, what's subtlety?"
"Ahh...  it's a kind of fish isn't it?"
%%
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names
the streets after them.
 -- Bill Vaughn
%%
Subvert the dominant paradigm!
%%
Subvert The Dominant Paradigm, Use Linux.
%%
Subway: A place so crowded even men can't all get seats.
%%
Subway talk: 'ho-de-dow' = Hold the Door!
%%
Sub-Woofer: Canine in an underwater vessel...
%%
"Su casa es mi casa"
 -- Steve Urkel
"and if you messa in my casa
youre outta on your assa"
 -- Steve's neighbor
%%
Success always necessitates a degree of ruthlessness.
Given the choice of friendship or success, I'd probably choose success.
 -- Sting (Gordon Summer), 1980
%%
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.
 -- Lowe's Law
%%
Success and Failure are a fork in the road.  You choose.
%%
Success and failure are equally disastrous.
 -- Tennessee Williams
%%
Success can be insured only by devising a defense against the contingency plan.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Success comes from the threat of failure.
%%
Success comes in a can.  Failure comes in a can not.
%%
Success covers a multitude of blunders.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Success didn't spoil me -- I've always been insufferable.
%%
Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue.
 -- Seneca (8 BC)
 -- Hercules Furens, i, 1, 255
%%
Successful marriage
One in which the couple has a prayer book, a check book, and a cook book.
%%
Successful research attracts bigger grants, making further research impossible.
 -- Parkinson's Law for Medical Research
%%
Success goes to your head, failure to your heart.
%%
Success has made failures of many men.
 -- Cindy Adams
%%
Success has ruined many a good man.
%%
Success in management- at any level- depends on the ability to pick
the right people for the right jobs.
%%
Success in marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is
being the right person.
%%
Success in the information age will go to those who have the courage to
 challenge themselves, who constantly innovate, and learn how to adapt as
 they go.
 -- Gen. (Ret.) Gordon R. Sullivan, former Chief of Staff, USA
%%
Success is a great deodorant.
 -- Elizabeth Taylor
%%
Success is a journey, not a destination.
 -- Ben Sweetland
%%
Success is all it's cracked up to be. Life gets better, the work is nicer,
 and I'm nicer.
 -- Daniel Travanti
%%
Success is being able to hire someone to mow the lawn while you play
golf for exercise.
%%
Success is doing what you like to do and making a living at it.
%%
Success is getting up just one more time than you fall.
%%
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you've got.
 -- H. Jackson Brown
%%
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
%%
Success is like a fart -- only your own smells nice.
 -- James P. Hogan
%%
Success is man's god.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Choephorae, 59
%%
Success is more a function of consistent common sense than it is of genius.
 -- An Wang
%%
Success is never final.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Success is not a harbor but a voyage with its own perils to the spirit. The
game of life is to come up a winner, to be a success, or to achieve what we
set out to do. Yet there is always the danger of failing as a human being. The
lesson that most of us on this voyage never learn, but can never quite forget,
is that to win is sometimes to lose.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
Success is not permanent, and failure isn't fatal.
 -- Mike Ditka
%%
Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you
started.
%%
Success is overrated. Incompetence is what we should revere- it marks
us off from animals.
 -- Stephen Pile
%%
Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
%%
Success is that old ABC -- ability, breaks, and courage.
 -- Charles Luckman
%%
Success is the brand on the brow of the man who has aimed too low.
 -- John Masefield (1878-1967)
%%
Success is the child of audacity.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Success is the result of behavior that completely contradicts the
usual expectations about the behavior of a successful person.
 -- Felix R. Paturi
%%
Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf", 1933
%%
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in
life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.
 -- Booker T. Washington
%%
Success is what people settle for when they can't
think of anything noble enough to be worth failing at.
 -- Laurence Shames
%%
Success is where preparation and opportunity meet.
 -- Bobby Unser
%%
Success is women you don't even know walking around your house.
 -- Saturday Night Live
%%
Success lies in achieving the top of the food chain.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
SUCCESS: Living long enough to be a burden on your children.
%%
Success makes us intolerant of failure, and failure makes us intolerant
of success.
 -- William Feather
%%
SUCCESS NEEDS EVERYBODY!
%%
SUCCESS, n.  The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.  In
literature, and particularly in poetry, the elements of success are
exceedingly simple, and are admirably set forth in the following lines
by the reverend Father Gassalasca Jape, entitled, for some mysterious
reason, "John A. Joyce."

    The bard who would prosper must carry a book,
        Do his thinking in prose and wear
    A crimson cravat, a far-away look
        And a head of hexameter hair.
    Be thin in your thought and your body'll be fat;
    If you wear your hair long you needn't your hat.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when
    the General is watching.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #30
%%
Success often hinges on choosing a reliable partner.
 -- Remus
%%
Successophobia:
 The fear that if one is successful, then one's personal needs
will be forgotten and one will no longer have one's childish needs
catered to.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Success provides more opportunities to say things than the number
of things a pundit has worth saying.
 -- Douglas Pike
%%
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
 -- William Feather
%%
Success seems to be that which forms the distinction between confidence and
conceit. Nelson, when young was piqued at not being noticed in a certain
paragraph of the newspapers, which detailed an action wherein he had assisted.
"But never mind," said he, "I will one day have a gazette of my own."
 -- Colton
%%
Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your
hunger, but it won't taste good.
 -- Joe Paterno
%%
Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
%%
"Such a beautiful beast roaming the earth could put steam in a man's stride."
 -- The Joker (Jack Nickolson), Batman ( In reference to Kim Bassinger )
%%
Such a deal, normally a dime a piece, for you 2 for a quarter.
%%
Such a foolish notion, that war is called devotion,
when the greatest warriors are the ones who stand for peace.
 -- Holly Near
%%
Such a good friend that she will throw all her acquaintances into the
water for the pleasure of fishing them out again.
 -- Charles Count Talleyrand (1754-1838)
%%
Such a house broke! So noble a master fallen! All gone and not One
friend to take his fortune by the arm And go along with him.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Such a long long time to be gone.
%%
Such an act
That blurs the grace and blush of modesty.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Such and so various are the tastes of men.
 -- Mark Akenside (1721-1770)
 -- Pleasures of the Imagination, Book iii, Line 567
%%
Such a shame I'm not cleared to answer that.
%%
Such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews v, 12
%%
"Such a Shocker" by Alec Trissity
%%
Such as may make thee search the coffers round.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- At a Vacation Exercise, Line 31
%%
Such bickerings to recount, met often in these our writers, what more
worth is it than to chronicle the wars of kites or crows flocking
and fighting in the air?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- The History of England, Book iv
%%
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Such evil deeds could religion prompt.
 -- Titus Lucretius Carus
%%
Such graves as his are pilgrim shrines,
  Shrines to no code or creed confined,--
The Delphian vales, the Palestines,
  The Meccas of the mind.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Burns
%%
Such grudges.   Give us a kiss, Worf.
 -- Q
%%
Such is the aspect of this shore;
'T is Greece, but living Greece no more!
So coldly sweet, so deadly fair,
We start, for soul is wanting there.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 90
%%
    Such is the audacity of man, that he hath learned to
counterfeit Nature, yea, and is so bold as to challenge her in
her work.
 -- Pliny The Elder
%%
Such is the human race.  Often it does seem such a pity that Noah
and his party didn't miss the boat.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Such is the popularity of the president that the
people will support him in whatever he will do or
will not do, without appealing to their own reason
or to anything but their feelings toward him.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Such joy ambition finds.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 92
%%
Such labour'd nothings, in so strange a style,
Amaze th' unlearn'd and make the learned smile.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 126
%%
Such language in a high-class establishment like this!
%%
Such mistress, such Nan,
Such master, such man.
 -- Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580)
 -- April's Abstract
%%
"Such Pain in my Body" by Otis Leghurtz
%%
Such partings break the heart they fondly hope to heal.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 10
%%
Such protection as vultures give to lambs.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- Pizarro, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
"Such senseless violence!  I don't understand it."
"We don't expect you to.  If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd be on in
prime time."
 -- Marge and Lisa in "Krusty Gets Busted" from The Simpsons
%%
Such sights as youthful poets dream
On summer eves by haunted stream.
Then to the well-trod stage anon,
If Jonson's learned sock be on,
Or sweetest Shakespeare, Fancy's child,
Warble his native wood-notes wild.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 129
%%
Such sober certainty of waking bliss.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 263
%%
Such souls,
Whose sudden visitations daze the world,
Vanish like lightning, but they leave behind
A voice that in the distance far away
Wakens the slumbering ages.
 -- Sir Henry Taylor (1800-?)
 -- Philip Van Artevelde, Part i, Act i, Sc. 7
%%
Such stuff drams are made of.
 -- Sleeping Beauty
%%
Such sweet compulsion doth in music lie.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Arcades, Line 68
%%
Such were the notes thy once lov'd poet sung,
Till death untimely stopp'd his tuneful tongue.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Robert, Earl of Oxford
%%
:sucking mud: [Applied Data Research] adj. (also `pumping
   mud') Crashed or {wedged}.  Usually said of a machine that provides
   some service to a network, such as a file server.  This Dallas
   regionalism derives from the East Texas oilfield lament, "Shut
   'er down, Ma, she's a-suckin' mud".  Often used as a query.  "We
   are going to reconfigure the network, are you ready to suck mud?"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sudden a thought came like a full-blown rose,
Flushing his brow.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- The Eve of St. Agnes, Stanza 16
%%
Sudden de-compression Sucks!
 -- Dennis Robert Gorrie, GORRIEDE@UREGINA1.BITNET
%%
Suddenly a sinister, wraithlike figure, cloaked and hooded, appears
seeming to float in the air before you.  In a low, almost inaudible
voice he says, "I welcome you to the ranks of the chosen of Zork.  You
have persisted through many trials and tests and have overcome them
all.  One such as yourself is fit to join even the implementers!"
He then raises his oaken staff and, chuckling, drifts away like a
wisp of smoke, his laughter fading in the distance.
%%
Suddenly, as you wait in the dark, you begin to feel somewhat
disoriented.  The feeling passes, but something seems different.
As you regain your composure, the cloaked figure appears before you
and says, "You are now ready to face the ultimate challenge of
Zork.  Should you wish to do this somewhat more quickly in the
future, you will be given a magic phrase which will at any time
transport you by magic to this point.  To select the phrase, say
       INCANT, <word>
and you will be told your own magic phrase to use by saying
   INCANT, <phrase>
Good luck, and choose wisely!"
%%
'Suddenly he would brandish a paperweight and shout `Foo, you rat!  I'll
put nine grams of lead in your skull!''
 -- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, 'The Gulag Archipelago'
%%
Suddenly i stop
 But know it's too late
 Lost in a forest-all alone
 -- The Cure "A Forest"
%%
Suddenly, masked hombres seized
Petunia Pig
And
Made her into a sort of dense Jell-O.
 -- Jack Collom
%%
Suddenly, Nothing Happened! but, it happened suddenly.
%%
Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar
without his duck ...
%%
Suddenly someone is there in the restroom, A Girl with Colitis Goes By.
%%
Suddenly things are going better than I ever expected.
%%
Sudden prayers make God jump.
%%
Sudzicle:  Ice-cold beer.
%%
Sue Honig wrote in a message to Anyone:
%%
Suffering from the inhumanity of regular employment
%%
Suffering is not good for the soul, unless it
teaches you to stop suffering.
 -- Jane Roberts
%%
Suffering is overrated. It doesn't teach you anything.
 -- Bill Veeck
%%
Suffering Sacatash.
 -- Sylvester the Cat
%%
Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.
%%
Sufficiently advanced cluelessness is indistinguishable from malice.
 -- JPC
%%
Sufficient monies to the job correctly the first time are usually
not available; however, ample funds are much more easily obtained
for repeated major redesigns.
%%
Sufficient to have stood, though free to fall.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 99
%%
Suffocating together ... would create heroic camaraderie.
 -- Khan Noonian Singh, "Space Seed," stardate 3142.8.
%%
SUFFRAGE, n.  Expression of opinion by means of a ballot.  The right
of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means,
as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another
man's choice, and is highly prized.  Refusal to do so has the bad name
of "incivism."  The incivilian, however, cannot be properly arraigned
for his crime, for there is no legitimate accuser.  If the accuser is
himself guilty he has no standing in the court of opinion; if not, he
profits by the crime, for A's abstention from voting gives greater
weight to the vote of B.  By female suffrage is meant the right of a
woman to vote as some man tells her to.  It is based on female
responsibility, which is somewhat limited.  The woman most eager to
jump out of her petticoat to assert her rights is first to jump back
into it when threatened with a switching for misusing them.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
SUGAR VAX       -  Programmers cereal.
%%
Suggest you just sit there and wait till life gets easier.
%%
Suicidal egomaniac - I'm too sexy for this life....
%%
Suicidal Person:  "Hey there, bumpy-headed Klingon dude!"
%%
Suicidal twin kills brother by mistake.  Film at eleven.
%%
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake. Film at eleven.
%%
Suicide Alley is the better of the roads.
 -- MA Driving #6
%%
Suicide: Don't knock it if you ain't tried it.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Suicide
 -- Glass Cellar of Male Disposibility, 01
%%
Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes.
 -- MASH 4077th
%%
Suicide is simply a case of mistaken identity.
%%
Suicide is the most honest way of selfcriticism.
%%
Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.
 -- Donald Kaul
%%
Suicide stunts your growth.
 -- Vila Restal
%%
SUIQ: Subtract User's IQ
%%
Suitable for Farm Animals & Household Appliances.
%%
Suitably interpreted, this is an exact value.
%%
:suitably small: [perverted from mathematical jargon] adj. An
   expression used ironically to characterize unquantifiable
   behavior that differs from expected or required behavior.  For
   example, suppose a newly created program came up with a correct
   full-screen display, and one publicly exclaimed: "It works!"
   Then, if the program dumped core on the first mouse click, one might
   add: "Well, for suitably small values of `works'."  Compare
   the characterization of pi under {{random numbers}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:suit: n. 1. Ugly and uncomfortable `business clothing' often
   worn by non-hackers.  Invariably worn with a `tie', a
   strangulation device that partially cuts off the blood supply to
   the brain.  It is thought that this explains much about the
   behavior of suit-wearers.  Compare {droid}.  2. A person who
   habitually wears suits, as distinct from a techie or hacker.  See
   {loser}, {burble}, {management}, {Stupids}, {SNAFU
   principle}, and {brain-damaged}.  English, by the way, is
   relatively kind; our Moscow correspondent informs us that the
   corresponding idiom in Russian hacker jargon is `sovok', lit. a
   tool for grabbing garbage.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Suit the action to the word, the word to the action; with this special
observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of nature.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Suit thyself to the estate in which thy lot is cast.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vi, 39
%%
Sully was the first to learn to jump.  In the end is it
not proper that the student should  surpass the master.
To Quote the immortal Socrates: "I drank what?"
 -- Sullivan
%%
 (Sultry female voice:)  Welcome to Susan's Message Parlor of
 Delights.  We would be delighted if you would leave your name,
 number, and of course a message that doesn't rub us the wrong
 way...
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Sulu: "Actually, this is my first time."
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
Sulu: "An 'incident'?!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Sulu: "Captain Kirk."
Kirk: "Captain Sulu, as much to the crew of the Enterprise, I owe you my
  thanks."
Sulu: "Nice to see you back one more time, Captain Kirk.  Take care."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Sulu: "Cartwright.  Just a minute."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Sulu: "*Don't* call me 'Tiny'!"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Sulu: "I'll save you, fair maiden."
 -- "The Naked Time", Stardate 1704.2.
%%
Sulu: "I'm counting on Excelsior."
Scott: "Excelsior?  Why would you want THAT bucket of bolts?"
Kirk: "A ship is a ship."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
Sulu: "Not going to make it, are we?"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Sulu: "Send to commander, Enterprise...'We stand ready to assist you.  Captain
  Sulu, U.S.S. Excelsior.'"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Sulu: "She's supposed to have transwarp drive."
Scott: "Aye, and if my grandmother had wheels she'd be a wagon!"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Sulu: "Shield's up.  All right, now let's give them something else
to shoot at."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Sulu: "Sir, you did it."
Kirk: "I did nothing!  Except get caught with my britches down.  Must be going
  senile.  Mister Saavik, you go right on quoting regulations!  Meantime, let's
  find out how badly we've been hurt."
Uhura: [Gasp!]
Saavik: [Gasp!]
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Sulu: "So much for the little training cruise."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Sulu: "Standing by, Captain Kirk."
Kirk: "Sulu!  You realize that by even talking to us, you're violating the
  regulations."
Sulu: "I'm sorry, Captain, your message is breaking up."
Kirk: "Bless you, Sulu."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Sulu: "Stardate 9521.6.  Captain's Log, U.S.S. Excelsior, Hikaru Sulu
 commanding.  After three years, I have concluded my first assignment
as master  of this vessel, cataloging gaseous planetary anomalies
in Beta Quadrant.  We  are heading home under full impulse power.
 I am pleased to report that ship  and crew have functioned well."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Sulu: "Target the center of that explosion and fire."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
SUME    Surprise Me
%%
Summer camp -- the time when most Scouts' parents get a break.
%%
Summer is that time when you discover what is new in bathing suits, and
 also, what is new out of these.
%%
Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings.     The expectations are always
 high, and the results usually disappointing.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest.
%%
Sum quod eris.  [I am what you will be.]
%%
Sum-Yun-Guy.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
sun balls: painful affliction common to male alpinists who climb nude.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Sunbathing: A fry in the ointment.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Sunbeams play with spray and mist in rainbow colors.
 -- John Muir
%%
Sunburn is very becoming--but only when it is even--one must be careful not
 to look like a mixed grill.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
Sunday morning hockey...The church of the little black disk.
%%
Sunday morning in Arizona is just like Sunday morning in Connecticut,
 only more bowlegged.
 -- Jack Douglas
%%
Sundays observe; think when the bells do chime,
'T is angels' music.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Church Porch
%%
Sun faced Buddhas, Moon faced Buddhas.
%%
...sung by the man who turned a personal affliction into a
singing career -- Don "No Soul" Wilson!
 -- Amazon Women on the Moon
%%
(Sung to the tune of The Impossible Dream from MAN OF LA MANCHA)

To code the impossible code,
To bring up a virgin machine,
To pop out of endless recursion,
To grok what appears on the screen,

To right the unrightable bug,
 To endlessly twiddle and thrash,
To mount the unmountable magtape,
To stop the unstoppable crash!
%%
:sun lounge: [Great Britain] n. The room where all the Sun
   workstations live.  The humor in this term comes from the fact
   that it's also in mainstream use to describe a solarium, and all
   those Sun workstations clustered together give off an amazing
   amount of heat.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sun Microsystems: Where we DESIGN the Star Fighters that defend the
    frontier against Xur and the Ko-dan Armada.
 -- Steven C. Neighorn
%%
SUNSET:
Pronounced atmospheric scattering of shorter wavelengths,
resulting in selective transmission below 650 nanometers with
 progressively reducing solar elevation.
%%
:sunspots: n. 1. Notional cause of an odd error.  "Why did the
   program suddenly turn the screen blue?"  "Sunspots, I guess."
   2. Also the cause of {bit rot} --- from the myth that sunspots
   will increase {cosmic rays}, which can flip single bits in memory.
   See also {phase of the moon}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:sun-stools: n. Unflattering hackerism for SunTools, a pre-X
   windowing environment notorious in its day for size, slowness, and
   misfeatures.  {X}, however, is larger and slower; see
   {second-system effect}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Super Bowl (XX = Yawn)
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius
%%
Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.
 -- Peter's Observation
%%
Supercomputer:  Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem.
 -- Ken Batcher
%%
Supercomputer users do it in parallel.
%%
Super-dooper party pooper trooper!
%%
Superflograph: the last useless photo taken just to finish the roll.
%%
Superfluity comes sooner by white hairs, but competency lives longer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
SUPERIMPOSE England AD 787.  After a few more seconds we hear hoofbeats in
the distance.  They come slowly closer.  Then out of the mist comes KING
ARTHUR followed by a SERVANT who is banging two half coconuts together.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Superior ability breeds superior ambition.
 -- Spock, "Space Seed," stardate 3141.9.
%%
Superior firepower is an invaluable tool when entering into negotiations.
 -- Gen. George S. Patton
%%
Superiority is recessive.
 -- Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics
%%
Superman Changes Costume Style; Becomes Man Of Teal.
 -- Headline
%%
Superman does it faster than a speeding bullet.
%%
Superman gets into Clark Kent's pants every morning.
%%
Supernatural, perhaps...Baloney, perhaps not
 -- Bela Lugosi
%%
   ___
  <*,->
  [`-']
  -"-"-
super owl
%%
SUPEROXYMORON: "Government worker."
%%
:superprogrammer: n. A prolific programmer; one who can code
   exceedingly well and quickly.  Not all hackers are
   superprogrammers, but many are.  (Productivity can vary from one
   programmer to another by three orders of magnitude.  For example,
   one programmer might be able to write an average of 3 lines of
   working code in one day, while another, with the proper tools,
   might be able to write 3,000.  This range is astonishing; it is
   matched in very few other areas of human endeavor.)  The term
   `superprogrammer' is more commonly used within such places as IBM
   than in the hacker community.  It tends to stress naive measures
   of productivity and to underweight creativity, ingenuity, and
   getting the job *done* --- and to sidestep the question of
   whether the 3,000 lines of code do more or less useful work than
   three lines that do the {Right Thing}.  Hackers tend to prefer
   the terms {hacker} and {wizard}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Superpsychecalifragiexpialidelic!
%%
Super-sado-masochistic-expialidocious!
%%
Super-sado-masochistic-sex-is-not-atrocious!
%%
:super source quench: n.  A special packet designed to shut up an Internet
   host.  The Internet Protocol (IP) has a control message called Source
   Quench that asks a host to transmit more slowly on a particular
   connection to avoid congestion.  It also has a Redirect control
   message intended to instruct a host to send certain packets to a
   different local router.  A "super source quench" is actually a
   redirect control packet, forged to look like it came from a local
   router, that instructs a host to send all packets to its own local
   loopback address.  This will effectively tie many Internet hosts up in
   knots.  Compare {godzillagram}, {breath-of-life packet}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Superstition, idolatry,
and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
Superstition is a religion of feeble minds.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
Superstition renders a man a fool, and scepticism makes him mad.
 -- Fielding
%%
Super Turbo Edlin Deluxe for Win 3.1 w/OCR -- Here NOW!
%%
Superunproductiveuselesslegislation!
%%
:superuser: [UNIX] n. Syn. {root}, {avatar}.  This usage has
   spread to non-UNIX environments; the superuser is any account with
   all {wheel} bits on.  A more specific term than {wheel}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Supervisor: someone with half your ability and 3 times your salary.
%%
Supply creates its own demand.
 -- Say's Law
%%
Support a Japanimation conference!
%%
Support animal literacy!
%%
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
%%
Support British steel - smelt the Iron Lady.
%%
Support capital punishment for tagline thieves. (tm)
%%
Support Capitol punishment - spank your congressman.
%%
Support CPR for America...Clinton Please Resign!
%%
Support criminals. . .Vote Democrat!
%%
Support DAMM--Drunks Against Mad Mothers!
%%
Support DeathCare: Vote Kevorkian/Elders in '96.
%%
Support English docs
%%
Support free software - write it yourself!
%%
Support Free Trade ... Smuggle!
%%
Supporting gun control gives criminals a secure workplace.
%%
Supporting NASA supports mankind!!!
%%
Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you.
%%
Support NAFTA! Export Clinton and Gore!
%%
:support: n. After-sale handholding; something many software
   vendors promise but few deliver.  To hackers, most support people
   are useless --- because by the time a hacker calls support he or
   she will usually know the software and the relevant manuals better
   than the support people (sadly, this is *not* a joke or
   exaggeration).  A hacker's idea of `support' is a
   t^ete-`a-t^ete with the software's designer.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Support national motherhood week - make one today!
%%
Support organizations can always prove success by showing service
to someone- not necessarily you.
 -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Support OS/2: Show NT to your friends!
%%
Support Shareware, or pay commercial prices!
%%
Support Shareware! Support Shareware!
%%
Support the American Kidney Foundation.
Don't wear your motorcycle helmet.
%%
Support the arts...kiss a spotlight.
%%
Support the arts - shoot a critic.
%%
Support the Arts: Shoot a Rapper.
%%
Support the Bottom.
%%
Support the Canadian Forces!  We support PEACE!
%%
Support the economy:  Buy a Hyundai!
%%
Support the Girl Scouts!
Today's Brownie is tomorrow's Cookie!
%%
Support the Intergalactic Tagline Conspiracy.
%%
Support the National Endowment for Creative Misogyny
%%
Support the psychopaths. oR gEt StRAnGleD!!
%%
Support the right of unborn males to bear arms!
 -- A public service announcement from Phyllis Schlafly,
                  the Catholic Church, and the National Rifle
                   Association
%%
Support the strong, give courage to the timid, remind the indifferent,
and warn the opposed.
 -- Whitney M. Young, Jr. (1921-1971)
%%
Support Victims Rights
%%
Support Welfare for the Rich...Elect a Republican
%%
Support wildlife, take a SysOp to lunch
%%
Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
%%
Support Windows:  Show OS/2 to your friends!
%%
Support your consultant - they have needs also.
%%
Support your local bike shop. :)
%%
Support your local church or synagogue.
Worship at Bank of America.
%%
Support your local dentist, eat a Hershey bar today.
%%
Support your local homeless shelter for the evolutionary disadvantaged.
%%
Support your local homeless shelter for the gynecentrically-challenged.
%%
Support your local hooker.
%%
Support your local hooker!  Play rugby!
%%
Support your local medical examiner: die strangely.
%%
Support your local Police Depart.!! Bribe a cop.
%%
Support your local police force -- steal!!
%%
Support your local police state - vote Democrat.
%%
Support your local Scout troop.
%%
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
%%
Support your local Sysop
%%
Support your local taxidermist.  Get stuffed.
%%
Support your local thieves' guild--leave your doors unlocked.
%%
Support your right to bare arms!
 -- A message from the National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association
%%
Support your right to keep and arm bears!
%%
Support your right to keep and bear taglines!% -- NTA
%%
"Supposedly, it is possible to score goals [in field hockey].  However, this
rarely happens because hitting people is so positively reinforcing."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
Suppose for a moment that the automobile industry had developed at
the same rate as computers and over the same period:  how much cheaper
and more efficient would the current models be?  If you have not already
heard the analogy, the answer is shattering.  Today you would be able
to buy a Rolls-Royce for $2.75, it would do three million miles to
the gallon, and it would deliver enough power to drive the Queen Elizabeth
II.  And if you were interested in miniaturization, you could place
half a dozen of them on a pinhead.
 -- Christopher Evans
%%
Suppose that there is something which a person cannot understand.  He happens
to notice the similarity of this something to some other thing which he
understands quite well.  By comparing them he may come to understand the
thing which he could not understand up to that moment. If his understanding
turns out to be appropriate and nobody else has ever come to such an
understanding, he can claim that his thinking was really creative.
 -- Hideki Yukawa
%%
Suppose that we are wise enough to learn and know and yet not wise enough
to control our learning and knowledge, so that we use it to destroy
ourselves?
Even if that is so, knowledge remains better than ignorance. It is better
to know even if the knowledge endures only for the moment that comes before
destruction than to gain eternal life at the price of a dull and swinish
lack of comprehension of a universe that swirls unseen before us in all its
wonder. That was the choice of Achilles, and it is mine, too.
 -- Isaac Asimov, The New Hugo Winners
%%
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress.
But I repeat myself.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Supposing that I should have the courage to let a red sword of virtue plunge
 into my heart...What can you offer me?    A garden castle?  A flowery kingdom?
  What?  A hope?  Then hence with your red sword of virtue.
 -- Stephen Crane
%%
Supposing you're a housewife and you've goofed. Let's put it this way. It's
 4:30 and you're still in bed--and that's pretty close to Ogre Time. Try the
 following: Put a little O'Cedar wax behind each ear. It makes you smell
 tired. Splash cold water on your face. If you pant a little, it looks
 exactly like beads of sweat. Rouge your knees. It will look like you have
 been scrubbing the floors.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
Suppressive fires-----won't.
%%
Suppress the poor, save the rich, kill the strange.
%%
Supreme art is a traditional statement of certain heroic and religious
truth, passed on from age to age, modified by individual genius, but
never abandoned.
 -- William Butler Yeats
%%
Supreme Court....A Collection Of "In"justices
%%
SUP: Shred User Printout
%%
SUP: Solve Unsolvable Problem
%%
Sure as a gun.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vii
%%
Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.
%%
Sure eating yogurt will improve your sex life.  People know that if
you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
%%
Sure fire diet, swallowing pride.
%%
Sure God created man before woman.. but then you always make a rough
draft before The Final Masterpiece.
%%
Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
%%
Sure, he that made us with such large discourse,
Looking before and after, gave us not
That capability and godlike reason
To fust in us unused.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
Sure, honey, I'd like a second honeymoon...who with?
%%
Sure I can help you out! Which way did you come in?
%%
Sure I know how to copy disks. Where's the Xerox machine?
%%
Sure, I like Free Speech...but I'd still rather be paid for it.
%%
Sure, I like kids: for Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
%%
Sure I'm weird, but I'm saving up to be outre'.
%%
Sure is a damn ugly nothing.
 -- Geordi about Nagilum, "Where Silence has Lease",
       stardate 42193.6
%%
Sure I stole. Why not? When I grew up, you had to
steal to eat. Then you had to steal to tip.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Sure its a BBS, but do you care?
%%
Sure, it's clean laundry. The cat's on it, isn't she???
%%
Sure, it's embarrassing, but it's over quickly.
%%
Sure it's user-friendly...if you know what you're doing.
%%
Sure, I use DoubleSpace.  In WordPerfect:  Shift-F8,1,6,2,ENTER,ENTER,ENTER.
%%
Surely all God's people, however serious or savage, great or small, like to
play. Whales and elephants, dancing, humming gnats, and invisibly small
mischievous microbes - all are warm with divine radium and must have lots
of fun in them.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Surely every human being ought to attain to the dignity of the unit.  Surely
it is worth while to be one, and to feel that the census of the universe
would be incomplete without counting you.  Surely there is grandeur in knowing
that in the realm of thought you are without a chain; that you have the right
to explore all heights and all depths; that there are no walls or fences, or
prohibited places, or sacred corners in all the vast expanse of thought; that
your intellect owes no allegiance to any being, human or divine; that you
hold all in fee, and upon no condition, and by no tenure, whatsoever; that
in the world of mind you are relieved from all personal dictation, and from
the ignorant tyranny of majorities.  Surely it is worth something to feel that
there are no priests, no popes, no parties, no governments, no kings, no gods,
to whom your intellect can be compelled to pay a reluctant homage.  Surely it
is a joy to know that all the cruel ingenuity of bigotry can devise no prison,
no dungeon, no cell in which for one instant to confine a thought; that ideas
cannot be dislocated by racks, nor crushed in iron boots, nor burned with
fire.  Surely it is sublime to think that the brain is a castle, and that
within its curious bastions and winding halls the soul, in spite of all worlds
and all beings, is the supreme sovereign of itself.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899), "The Free Soul"
%%
Surely happiness is reflective like the light of heaven; and every
countenance, bright with smiles and glowing with innocent enjoyment, is
a mirror, transmitting to others the rays of a supreme and evershining
benevolence.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
Surely men of low degree are vanity, and men of high degree are a
lie: to be laid in the balance they are altogether lighter than vanity.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxii, 9
%%
Surely there is something in the unruffled calm of nature that overawes
our little anxieties and doubts: The sight of the deep-blue sky,
and the clustering stars above, seems to impart a quiet to the mind.
 -- Edwards
%%
Surely where there's smoke there's fire?  No, where
there's so much smoke there's smoke.
 -- John A. Wheeler
%%
Surely you must have noticed something in the air?
Well yes, of course, but I thought that was Private Baldrick.
 -- Edmund and George : Goodbyeee...
%%
Sure, money talks. All mine ever says is "Bye-bye".
%%
Sure my system is secure, it just locked up again.
%%
Sure, Patrick, but will the Pontiac do warp nine?
%%
Sure, Reagan has promised to take senility tests.
But what if he forgets?
%%
Surer to prosper than prosperity
Could have assur'd us.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 39
%%
Sure seems a pity he bothered to have that tooth out.
 -- Doc Holliday, The Gunfighters
%%
Sure sign of a resignation: Clinton declaring confidence in someone.
%%
Sure the public is watching the O.J. story, it's on every channel.
%%
Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are
dishonest men in national government too.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
Sure there is music even in the beauty, and the silent
note which Cupid strikes, far sweeter than the sound of an
instrument.  For there is music wherever there is harmony,
order and proportion; and thus far we may maintain the music
of the spheres; for those well ordered motions, and regular
paces, though they give no sound unto the ear, yet to the
understanding they strike a note most full of harmony.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part ii, Sect. ix
%%
Sure the shovel and tongs
To each other belongs.
 -- Samuel Lover (1797-1868)
 -- Widow Machree
%%
Sure, understanding today's complex world of the future is a little
like having bees live in your head.  But there they are . . .
%%
Sure, we just route the main sensor through Data's cat.
%%
Sure, when pigs fl--OINK FLAP OINK FLAP--Well I'll be darned!
%%
Sure you can trust the government...just ask American Indians.
%%
Surf City ... here we come !
%%
Surfers do it in waves.
%%
Surfers do it standing up.
%%
Surfers do it with their wives, or, if unmarried, with their girl friends.
%%
Surfing in Nebraska.
%%
"Surfing the Internet" is a sad term for sad people.
Get a board, find a beach, surf some REAL waves and
get a *real* life.
%%
Surf Nicaragua
%%
Surf's up!
%%
Surf's up, everybody to the beach!
%%
[Surge ai mortali per diverse foci
la lucerna del mondo; ma da quella
che quattro cerchi giugne con tre croci,
con miglior corso e con migliore stella
esce congiunta, e la mondana cera
piu' a suo modo tempera e suggella.
Fatto avea di la' mane e di qua sera
tal foce quasi, e tutto era la' bianco
quello emisperio, e l'altra parte nera.]
The lamp of the world [the sun] rises to mortals through different
passages; but through that which joins four circles with three crosses
[the position of the rising sun at the vernal equinox] it issues with
a better course and conjoined with better stars, and tempers and stamps
the wax of the world more after its own fashion.
Although such an outlet had made morning there and evening
here, and all the hemisphere there was bright, and the other dark...
 -- Dante Alighieri, Divina Commedia, Paradiso, I, 37-45, ca. 1317
%%
Surge into electronic mail.
%%
Surgeon General found eating buttered popcorn in closet.
%%
Surgeons are smooth operators.
%%
Surgeons do it incisively.
%%
Surly grammarians insist that all words ending in "ly" are adverbs.
%%
Surly to bed, and surly to rise.
%%
Surprised!: Omar Gosh
%%
Surprise due today. Also the rent.
%%
Surprise, those aren't Dilethium crystals - they're Folgers crystals.
%%
Surprise!  You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S Audit!  Just type
 in your name and social security number.  Please remember that leaving
 the room is punishable under law.
 Name: #__________________
%%
Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
%%
Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind
  and all that resembles it.
 -- Breton
%%
SURRENDER DOROTHY! You, and your little dog, too!
%%
Surrender now - before I have to offer you better terms.
%%
SUR: Screw Up Royally
%%
Surveillance should precede salientation.
%%
Surveillance should precede saltation.    <---- look before you leap.
%%
Surveyors Measure Up
%%
Survey says...
 -- Richard Dawson, weenie, on Family Feud
%%
Survey taker to resident: Do you realize that that choice puts you
in the two- percent lunatic fringe?
 -- Bernhardt
%%
Survival demands collective action; alone is for gravestones
in hacker's cemeteries.
%%
Survival of the species is everyone's business.
%%
Survival Pack, aircraft, FT107/35, All Purpose, Strategic Air Command:
1 45 caliber automatic, 2 boxes ammunition.
4 days concentrated emergency rations.
1 drug issue containing:  antibiotics, morphine,
vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizing pills.
1 miniature combination Russian phrase book and bible.
100 dollars in Rubles,
100 dollars in gold,
9 packs of chewing gum,
1 issue of prophylactics,
3 lipsticks,
3 pair of nylon stockings.
 -- From Dr. Strangelove, or
 -- How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
%%
Survivulousness:
 The tendency to visualize oneself enjoying being the last
remaining person on earth. "I'd take a helicopter up and throw
microwave ovens down on the Taco Bell."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Susan Sontag: What she really wanted, throughout her career, was to grow up to
be a Frenchman.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Sushi: better known to the rest of the world as "cut-bait."
%%
SUSHIDO   the way of the tuna
%%
Suspense is not knowing what you're up against and not knowing
what you can do.
Terror is knowing what you're up against and not knowing what you
can do about it.
Horror is knowing what you're up against and knowing you can't do
anything about it.
 -- Randy Wong
%%
Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind;
The thief doth fear each bush an officer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act v, Sc. 6
%%
Suspicions confirmed: Jerry Falwell did NOT send a valentine card to Jim
 and Tammy Bakker.
%%
SUS: Stop Until Spring
%%
SUS: Subtract Until Senseless
%%
Suture Self Magazine, the home guide to personal surgery.
%%
:Suzie COBOL: /soo'zee koh'bol/ 1. [IBM: prob. from Frank
   Zappa's `Suzy Creamcheese'] n. A coder straight out of training
   school who knows everything except the value of comments in plain
   English.  Also (fashionable among personkind wishing to avoid
   accusations of sexism) `Sammy Cobol' or (in some non-IBM circles)
   `Cobol Charlie'.  2. [proposed] Meta-name for any {code
   grinder}, analogous to {J. Random Hacker}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SVC dump is like a burglar alarm. . . .  It lets
you know something's wrong and helps you pinpoint where
it started.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 2.0 Chapter 2.  SVC Dump
%%
SVC: Swindle, Violate and Corrupt
%%
SVE: Skip on Vernal Equinox
%%
SVGA - Still Vague in the Graphics Area
%%
SVR4:  the first system so open that everyone dumps their garbage there.
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
:swab: /swob/ [From the mnemonic for the PDP-11 `SWAp Byte'
   instruction, as immortalized in the `dd(1)' option `conv=swab'
   (see {dd})] 1. vt. To solve the {NUXI problem} by swapping
   bytes in a file.  2. n. The program in V7 UNIX used to perform this
   action, or anything functionally equivalent to it.  See also
   {big-endian}, {little-endian}, {middle-endian},
   {bytesexual}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Swab the poop deck, raise the mizzenmast
 -- Picard
%%
SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess.
%%
Swahili, n.:
  The language used by the National Enquirer to print their
retractions.
 -- Johnny Hart
%%
Swallowing one's pride has never caused indigestion.
%%
Swallowing pride never choked anyone.
%%
Swallow your pride occasionally, it's not fattening.
 -- Frank Tyger
%%
Swans sing before they die - 'twere no bad thing
Did certain persons die before they sing.
%%
Swap - Drink mixer, glasses, tray, etc for good baby carriage.
%%
Swap read error, you lose your core image.
%%
Swap read error. You lose your mind.
%%
:swap space: n. Storage space, especially temporary storage space
   used during a move or reconfiguration.  "I'm just using that corner
   of the machine room for swap space."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:swap: vt. 1. [techspeak] To move information from a fast-access
   memory to a slow-access memory (`swap out'), or vice versa
   (`swap in').  Often refers specifically to the use of disks as
   `virtual memory'.  As pieces of data or program are needed, they
   are swapped into {core} for processing; when they are no longer
   needed they may be swapped out again.  2. The jargon use of these
   terms analogizes people's short-term memories with core.  Cramming
   for an exam might be spoken of as swapping in.  If you temporarily
   forget someone's name, but then remember it, your excuse is that it
   was swapped out.  To `keep something swapped in' means to keep it
   fresh in your memory: "I reread the TECO manual every few months
   to keep it swapped in."  If someone interrupts you just as you got
   a good idea, you might say "Wait a moment while I swap this
   out", implying that a piece of paper is your extra-somatic
   memory and that if you don't swap the idea out by writing it down it
   will get overwritten and lost as you talk.  Compare {page in},
   {page out}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SWAR    Space War (in one instruction)
%%
Swashbucklers do it with three feet of steel.
%%
Swastikas, skulls and crossbones, dice flashing snakeeyes.
%%
SWAT: SWAp Terminals
%%
Swearing increases in inverse proportion to the amount of work completed.
%%
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
 -- Finley Peter Dunne
%%
Sweater, n.: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
%%
Sweat is the mortal enemy of modern civilization.
%%
Sweaty is sexy.
%%
Swedish Perfumeries: Ole Factory
%%
Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.
 -- Thomas Tusser
%%
Sweet are the slumbers of the virtuous man.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;
And this our life, exempt from public haunt,
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in every thing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Sweet bird, that shun'st the noise of folly,
Most musical, most melancholy!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 61
%%
Sweet Chariot portfolio: I buy stocks; they swing low!
%%
Sweet day, so cool, so calm, so bright,
The bridal of the earth and sky.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Virtue
%%
Sweet dreams are made of these; who am I to disagree?
%%
Sweet dreams are made of this?
%%
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xix, 10
%%
Sweet food of sweetly uttered knowledge.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Defence of Poesy
%%
Sweet grave aspect.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Fourth Day, Book i
%%
Sweet is every sound,
Sweeter thy voice, but every sound is sweet;
Myriads of rivulets hurrying thro' the lawn,
The moan of doves in immemorial elms,
And murmuring of innumerable bees.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part vii, Line 203
%%
Sweet is revenge--especially to women.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 124
%%
Sweet is the hour of rest, Pleasant the wind's low sigh, And the
gleaming of the west, And the turf whereon we lie.
 -- Mrs. Hemans
%%
Sweet limitation brings good fortune. Going brings esteem.
%%
Sweet Loretta Fat, she thought she was a cleaner, but she was a frying pan...
 -- Beatles
%%
Sweet Memory! wafted by thy gentle gale,
Oft up the stream of Time I turn my sail.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- The Pleasures of Memory, Part ii, i
%%
Sweet mercy is nobility's true badge.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Titus Andronicus
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Sweet Phosphor, bring the day
Whose conquering ray
May chase these fogs;
  Sweet Phosphor, bring the day!
  Sweet Phosphor, bring the day!
Light will repay
The wrongs of night;
  Sweet Phosphor, bring the day!
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
 -- Emblems, Book i, Emblem 14
%%
Sweet sorrow
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Sweet speaking oft a currish heart reclaims.
 -- Sidney
%%
Sweet spring, full of sweet days and roses,
A box where sweets compacted lie.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Virtue
%%
Sweets to the sweet: farewell!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Sweet swan of Avon!
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- To the Memory of Shakespeare
%%
Sweet, sweet, sweet poison for the age's tooth.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Swell, bosom, with thy fraught,
For 't is of aspics' tongues!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Swelled heads are nature's way of filling vacuums.
%%
Swell-head: Nature's frantic effort to fill a vacuum.
%%
Swerve me?  The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon
my soul is grooved to run.  Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled
hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!
 -- Captain Ahab, "Moby Dick"
%%
SWF, blonde bombshell, seeks man now.  No SYSOPs.
%%
Swich to secret hyper jets!
%%
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
That in a spleen unfolds both heaven and earth,
And ere a man hath power to say, "Behold!"
The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
So quick bright things come to confusion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Swimmers do it in the water.
%%
Swimmers do it under water.
%%
Swimmers do it with a breast stroke.
%%
Swimmers do it with better strokes.
%%
Swimming in the Arctic: I. C. Waters
%%
Swimming is not allowed in this dungeon.
%%
Swimming is too much like...bathing.
 -- Worf, "Conspiracy", stardate 41775.5
%%
SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it.
%%
Swimming scared.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
Swim nude. Sharks hate to peel their food.
%%
Swinehood hath no remedy.
%%
Swing at the strikes.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Swinges the scaly horror of his folded tail.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Hymn on Christ's Nativity, Line 172
%%
Swinging hackers Move Swapped.
%%
Swinish gluttony
Ne'er looks to heav'n amidst his gorgeous feast,
But with besotted base ingratitude
Crams, and blasphemes his feeder.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 776
%%
Swiped 'em both.  Really liked that second one.  Here's a few related
%%
Swipe this tagline? (Y/n)
%%
Swirl of Squirrel
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
Swish, two, three, four!  Swish, two, three, four!
%%
Switch Blade Murderer Survives Electric Chair For Eleventh Time.
%%
Switch is on, but no one's receiving.
%%
Switch:
When management changes its mind.
 -- Computing Definition
%%
:swizzle: v. To convert external names, array indices, or references
   within a data structure into address pointers when the data
   structure is brought into main memory from external storage (also
   called `pointer swizzling'); this may be done for speed in
   chasing references or to simplify code (e.g., by turning lots of
   name lookups into pointer dereferences).  The converse operation is
   sometimes termed `unswizzling'.  See also {snap}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
SWN: SWap Nibbles
%%
Swords to Ploughs? Wouldn't they be small?
%%
Swords were given to men, that none might be slaves...
%%
SWOS: Store in Write-Only Storage
%%
SWOS    SWap out Operating System
%%
%s: write failed, file system is full
%%
SWS: Sort to Wrong Slots
%%
SWT: Select Wrong Terminal
%%
SWU: Select Wrong Unit
%%
SWZN: Skip Whether Zero or Not
%%
SX=Sexually eXtinct,also known as neutered, ergo an SX.
%%
Sybil was a multi user.
%%
Sycamore: (n) perverted love
%%
Sycophancy rules - if it's OK by you.
%%
Sydneian showers
Of sweet discourse, whose powers
Can crown old Winter's head with flowers.
 -- Richard Crashaw (c. 1616-1650)
 -- Wishes to his Supposed Mistress
%%
Sydney 2000 Wam Bam Thankyou Juan
%%
Sydney - Home of the 2000 Olympics!
%%
Syek ym desrever ohw yako?
%%
Syene, and where the shadow both way falls,
Meroe, Nilotic isle.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 70
%%
Syllables govern the world.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Power
%%
SYLLOGISM, n.  A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor
assumption and an inconsequent.  (See LOGIC.)
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
SYLPH, n.  An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when
the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory
smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization.  Sylphs were
allied to gnomes, nymphs and salamanders, which dwelt, respectively,
in earth, water and fire, all now insalubrious.  Sylphs, like fowls of
the air, were male and female, to no purpose, apparently, for if they
had progeny they must have nested in accessible places, none of the
chicks having ever been seen.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
"Sylvester Stallone does Hamlet:
'To be, or what?'"
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Sylvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept.
%%
Sylvester Stallone to Heidi Fleiss: "Yo, ho!"
%%
Sylvia's skin was exquisite, soft and pretty;  Leonard loved the way it
looked tacked up on his wall.
 -- Cynthia Conyers
%%
SYMBOLIC, adj.  Pertaining to symbols and the use and interpretation
of symbols.

    They say 'tis conscience feels compunction;
    I hold that that's the stomach's function,
    For of the sinner I have noted
    That when he's sinned he's somewhat bloated,
    Or ill some other ghastly fashion
    Within that bowel of compassion.
    True, I believe the only sinner
    Is he that eats a shabby dinner.
    You know how Adam with good reason,
    For eating apples out of season,
    Was "cursed."  But that is all symbolic:
    The truth is, Adam had the colic.
                                                                  G.J.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Symbolism Over Substance: The Clinton Ideology.
%%
SYMBOL, n.  Something that is supposed to typify or stand for
something else.  Many symbols are mere "survivals" -- things which
having no longer any utility continue to exist because we have
inherited the tendency to make them; as funereal urns carved on
memorial monuments.  They were once real urns holding the ashes of the
dead.  We cannot stop making them, but we can give them a name that
conceals our helplessness.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Symbol table full - fatal heap error; please go buy a RAM upgrade from
your local Apple dealer.
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
Symington the ONLY Pro-Gun and Anti big government choice for Governor!
%%
Symptomatic, but not contagious.
%%
Synch code - SOS from the Titanic
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
syncing file systems...
%%
:sync: /sink/ (var. `synch') n., vi. 1. To synchronize, to
   bring into synchronization.  2. [techspeak] To force all pending
   I/O to the disk; see {flush}, sense 2.  3. More generally, to
   force a number of competing processes or agents to a state that
   would be `safe' if the system were to crash; thus, to checkpoint
   (in the database-theory sense).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Synonyms govern, all right.
%%
:syntactic salt: n. The opposite of {syntactic sugar}, a feature
   designed to make it harder to write bad code.  Specifically,
   syntactic salt is a hoop the programmer must jump through just to
   prove that he knows what's going on, rather than to express a
   program action.  Some programmers consider required type
   declarations to be syntactic salt.  A requirement to write
   `end if', `end while', `end do', etc. to terminate
   the last block controlled by a control construct (as opposed to
   just `end') would definitely be syntactic salt.  Syntactic salt
   is like the real thing in that it tends to raise hackers' blood
   pressures in an unhealthy way.  Compare {candygrammar}.  .
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
:syntactic sugar: [coined by Peter Landin] n. Features added to a
   language or other formalism to make it `sweeter' for humans,
   features which do not affect the expressiveness of the formalism
   (compare {chrome}).  Used esp. when there is an obvious and
   trivial translation of the `sugar' feature into other constructs
   already present in the notation.  C's `a[i]' notation is
   syntactic sugar for `*(a + i)'.  "Syntactic sugar causes
   cancer of the semicolon." --- Alan Perlis.

   The variants `syntactic saccharin' and `syntactic syrup' are
   also recorded.  These denote something even more gratuitous, in
   that syntactic sugar serves a purpose (making something more
   acceptable to humans), but syntactic saccharin or syrup serve no
   purpose at all.  Compare {candygrammar}, {syntactic salt}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Syntax Error in KITCHEN.H: COFFEE not found.
%%
Syntax? Why not, they tax everything else.
%%
SYS0509: The president is corrupt, please reboot the White House.
%%
SYS8699 Out of Taglines. Press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL] to generate one.
%%
SysAdmins can't be sued for malpractice but surgeons
don't have to deal with patients who install new versions of
their own innards.
%%
SysAdm: We fix everything but the system sync.
%%
:sysape: /sys'ayp/ n. A rather derogatory term for a computer
   operator; a play on {sysop} common at sites that use the banana
   hierarchy of problem complexity (see {one-banana
   problem}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:sys-frog: /sis'frog/ [the PLATO system] n. Playful variant of
   `sysprog', which is in turn short for `systems programmer'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sysop - A guy who likes watching others use his computer.
%%
SysOp: Gofer in charge of bolts, wires & electricity
%%
SysOp has requested chat!  Alt-H to accept!
%%
Sysoping makes you fat.
%%
Sysoping: More fun than being beaten with a sledgehammer.
%%
Sysoping: More fun than setting your genitals on fire.
%%
SysOp'ing: Not Just An Adventure. It's A JOB!
%%
Sysoping, not just an adventure, sometimes it's nemesis.
%%
Sysop love habits revealed: on the next "Geraldo!"
%%
Sysop (n): A being that never sleeps, eats or has any MONEY.
%%
Sysop not found: (C)avort (W)reck havoc (P)lunder
%%
Sysop not found. Enter forbidden subjects? ([Y]/n)
%%
Sysop not found! Please notify computer.
%%
SysOp: (Noun) One who constantly reconfigures.
%%
SysOps all love a hard one every now and then.
%%
Sysops are people too?
%%
Sysops die at an early age..murdered by their wives.
%%
Sysops DO IT moderately.
%%
Sysops DO IT while monitoring.
%%
SysOps do it with their computers.
%%
Sysops don't do drugs. They're naturally paranoid.
%%
Sysops have BIG hard drives!
%%
Sysop's holiday:time between closing door,board
%%
Sysop (sihs-ahp)n. The person laughing at your typing.
%%
:sysop: /sis'op/ n. [esp. in the BBS world] The operator (and
   usually the owner) of a bulletin-board system.  A common neophyte
   mistake on {FidoNet} is to address a message to `sysop' in an
   international {echo}, thus sending it to hundreds of sysops
   around the world.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Sysop's most used tools,    Coffee and Aspirin
%%
Sysops must wash hands before leaving the Computer Room.
%%
SYSOPs never die, they just smell that way!
%%
SysOps never sleep!
%%
SYSOP: Snooty Yuppie Sitting On Potty
%%
SYSOP: Someone You Sic On People!
%%
SysOp's read minds.  But QWKly, very, very QWKly!
%%
SYSOP stands for: Sent Your Spouse Obscene Pictures.
%%
SysOps will take you to disk.
%%
Sysop, sysoppi, sysoparama, the sys-meister, SYSOP!
%%
SYSOP: The person in whose hands you place your life.
%%
SYSOP: The provider of both viruses and virus scanners.
%%
SYSOPTRIX...Female Sysop
%%
Sysop! Your BBS gave me a 'Printer Out of Paper' error!!
%%
System/3! System/3!
See how it runs! See how it runs!
Its monitor loses so totally
It runs all its programs in RPG!
It's made by our favourite monopoly!
System/3!
 -- The Great Quux October 1973
%%
System Administration = Instant Gratification
%%
System Administration would be easy if it wasn't for all there users!
%%
SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR:
A person whose job it is to do everything that isn't his job.
%%
system bus error timeout
%%
System checkpoint complete.
%%
System Crash  (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
%%
System Crash! (A)bort (R)etry (U)se dynamite
%%
System crashes and burns.
%%
System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
 -- WindowError: 01D
%%
SYSTEM DOWN AT 5:30PM FOR SYSTEM CRASH
%%
System down; try again later....

 -- Sorry, just kidding around.
%%
System Error: 0003. Dynamic clinking error, Beer spilled.
%%
SYSTEM ERROR #1303, Power NOT on!!
%%
System Error (A)bort (R)etry (W)hine
%%
SYSTEM ERROR: Place sacrifice at keyboard to continue....
%%
SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue...
%%
System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
%%
System going down at 5 this afternoon to install scheduler bug.
%%
System going down at noon for disk crashing party.
%%
System going down in five minutes.
%%
System going down in five minutes...
Sorry, just kidding around.
%%
System hackers are always ready.
%%
System hackers get it up quicker.
%%
System hackers keep it up longer.
%%
System hackers know where to poke.
%%
System hackers swap on demand.
%%
SYSTEM HALTED - Press all keys at once to continue
%%
System halted: Press any key to do nothing.
%%
System halted.  There is NOTHING you can do.
%%
System-independent:  Works equally poorly on all systems.
%%
System maintenance about to begin.
%%
System Manager: A fat man with black hair and a beard who knows everything and
does nothing.
%%
SYSTEM MANAGERS do it with pencils
%%
:system mangler: n. Humorous synonym for `system manager', poss.
   from the fact that one major IBM OS had a {root} account called
   SYSMANGR.  Refers specifically to a systems programmer in charge of
   administration, software maintenance, and updates at some site.
   Unlike {admin}, this term emphasizes the technical end of the
   skills involved.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:system: n. 1. The supervisor program or OS on a computer.  2. The
   entire computer system, including input/output devices, the
   supervisor program or OS, and possibly other software.  3. Any
   large-scale program.  4. Any method or algorithm.  5. `System
   hacker': one who hacks the system (in senses 1 and 2 only; for
   sense 3 one mentions the particular program: e.g., `LISP
   hacker')
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
System One RPG:  Realism & Simplicity at their best!
%%
System Possessed:  Hit F666 to continue.
%%
System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
 -- WindowError: 007
%%
System programmers do it in overlays.
%%
System restarting, wait.
%%
System root file corrupted - need to reboot.
%%
Systems Adminstrators are like buses:
 you wait for ages, and then three come along at once!
%%
Systems display antics.
 -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Systems go down on their hackers.
%%
Systems have black boxes.
%%
Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad
infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%

*** System shutdown message from root ***

System going down in 60 seconds

%%
Systems in general work very poorly or not at all.
 -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Systems people do it with a small, but clean, interface.
%%
Systems programmer: A person in sandals who has been in the elevator
 with the senior vice president and is ultimately responsible for a phone
 call you are to receive from you boss.
%%
Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.
 -- R. S. Barton
%%
Systems Programmers do it with pointers.
%%
Systems programmers just want to have fun.
%%
Systems programmers keep it up longer.
%%
Systems Recruiting in the US & Canada
%%
Systems tend to grow, and as they grow, they encroach.
 -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Syzygy, inexorable, pancreatic, phantasmagoria--anyone who can use those
 four words in one sentence will never have to do manual labor.
 -- W. P. Kinsella
%%
SZD: Switch to Zero Density
%%
TABLE D'HOTE, n.  A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal
passion for irresponsibility.

    Old Paunchinello, freshly wed,
        Took Madam P. to table,
    And there deliriously fed
        As fast as he was able.

    "I dote upon good grub," he cried,
        Intent upon its throatage.
    "Ah, yes," said the neglected bride,
        "You're in your _table d'hotage_."
                                                      Associated Poets
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Table manners are for people who have nothing better to do.
%%
Tablet:  A small table...
%%
Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave.
%%
Tachyon:
 A gluon that's not completely dry.
%%
TACKY:
        Serving grape kool-aid at religious functions.
%%
Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican telephone company...
%%
Taco Bell: The Mexican phone company.
%%
TACT:  a mutual agreement to be full of s**t!
%%
Tact - changing the subject without changing the mind.
%%
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Tactics: breath freshener for dyslexics.
%%
TacTics= candy for dyslexics.
%%
Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.
 -- Jean Cocteau
%%
Tact is, after all, a kind of mind reading.
 -- Sarah Orne Jewett
%%
Tact is for weenies.
%%
Tact is getting your point across without stabbing someone with it.
%%
Tact is rubbing out another's mistakes instead of rubbing them in.
 -- Marvin J. Ashton
%%
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do.
 -- Raymond Mortimer
%%
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
 -- Howard W. Newton
%%
Tact is the intelligence of the heart.
%%
Tactless Person: Someone who says what everyone else is thinking.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Tact, n.: The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
%%
Tact: Recalling a lady's birthday but forgetting her age.
%%
Tagged you...Your it....
%%
Tag it!!
%%
Tagito ergo sum  (I Tag, therefore I am)
%%
Tagless messages just look naked somehow...
%%
Tag line #27, See Appendix C, pg 245
%%
Tagline access denied!
%%
Tagline affixed in compliance with Stuffed Articles Act.
%%
TAGLINE: A line that does the work of many (lines) !
%%
Tagline Bad or Missing  NO CARRIER
%%
Tag line  continued from previous message
%%
Tagline delivery delayed due to bad roads.
%%
Tagline dispenser temporarily out of order.
%%
Tagline dropped due to budget cuts.
%%
Tagline Empty:  Please order more!
%%
Tagline error 176: duplicate joke.
%%
Tagline Error at 000F:13F4
%%
Tagline error. Contact your systems programmer.
%%
Tagline explodes, destroys BBS. Film at 11.
%%
Tagline For Sale CHEAP. Insert $1.00 into drive A:
%%
Tagline generator halted - please stand by.....
%%
Tagline goes here - Use your imagination!
%%
Tagline Has Been Cleared To Prevent Burn-In.
%%
:.::: ::..: ::.::.  :..:: Tagline in Braille
%%
Tagline in for repair. This one's a loaner.
%%
Tagline intro: The Carousel Waltz
%%
tagline is Delyria affected This by.
%%
Tagline kit for sale - abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
%%
Tagline Lotto: ######### <=== Scratch here for Prize.
%%
--T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E--
%%
Tagline misplaced.
%%
Tagline (n.): High Technology bumber sticker.
%%
Tagline not found: Please notify your sysop!
%%
TAGLINE NOT FOUND - SYSTEM HALTED.
%%
Tagline not found. User twitted.
%%
Tagline/?: Press 'T' to swipe tagline, dummy.
%%
Taglines about Quark [DS9]
%%
Taglines: and How They Affect Women.  Next On Oprah.
%%
Taglines: A new life for old cliches and maxims.
%%
Taglines--A place to dry wet tags.
%%
Taglines are for idiots.
%%
Taglines are for morons.
%%
TagLines are for the perpetually Bored.
%%
Taglines are for those people who tagalong long time.
%%
Taglines are for wimps
%%
Taglines are irrelevant. You will be assimilated.
%%
Taglines are irrelevant. You will be assimilated into the Blue Wave.
%%
Taglines are JCTFxxxx.ZIP   Avaliable on The DLS&M.
%%
Taglines are like bumper stickers, only without the same sense of relevance.
%%
Taglines are like cats. You just think that they're yours.
%%
Taglines are like motel towels...meant to be taken
%%
Taglines are the bumper stickers of the '90s.
%%
Taglines are the restroom wall of RelayNet.
%%
Taglines are the root of all evil.
%%
Taglines - can't live with 'em . . .
%%
Taglines cause cancer.
%%
Taglines deleted ......
%%
Taglines - dolar more in your phone bill!
%%
Tagline Serial No. 140763 - (C) 1992, All rights reserved
%%
TAGLINES: FACT OR FICTION? On the next GERALDO !
%%
Taglines: FACT OR FICTION? On the next In Search Of...
%%
Tagline shortage.  Please help recycle taglines.
%%
Taglines:  If you can't say it in 57 chars, why bother?
%%
Taglines make great Christmas gifts.
%%
Taglines may be funny, but they won't get you tenure.
%%
Taglines mean nothing to me!
%%
Taglines - (n.) - News Service to the World...
%%
Taglines: no calories or fat, but always hungry for more.
%%
Taglines (n.): The bathroom walls of the Internet.
%%
Taglines of the next generation series #923882.
%%
Taglines... one line freedom of speech!
%%
taglines, "Road Kill Cafe" taglines and "Greetings from" taglines
%%
Taglines 'R Us (January Clearance Now In Progress!)
%%
Taglines should be GAGlines.
%%
Taglines - smart thougts for dummy readers!
%%
Taglines: Steal all you want... we'll make more....
%%
Taglines.... Steal 'em. We'll make more!
%%
Tagline Stealing: Official sport of the AUTORACE echo.
%%
Taglines. The bumperstickers of BBS'ing.
%%
Taglines...the electronic "bumper sticker"...
%%
Taglines:  the <real< reason for BBSing.
%%
Taglines - The REAL reason for EchoMail!
%%
Taglines: the restroom wall of BBS'ing
%%
Tagline Subsystem down at this time.
%%
Taglines wanted!
%%
Taglines? We don't need no steenkin' taglines!
%%
Taglines -- When you're too tired to be original, steal 'em.
%%
Tagline switch set to AutoSteal.
%%
taglines you might like and hope to see your posts again sometime! =)
%%
Tagline temporarily out of order please use the stairs...
%%
Tagline Theft Guild Member
%%
Tagline theft is a compliment.
%%
Tagline theft: The LAW of Cyberspace!
%%
Tagline thievery: Coming up next on Geraldo.
%%
tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo ...
%%
Tagline uncloaking dead ahead Sir...
%%
Tagline unfunny. Steal anyway? [Y/n]
%%
Tagline: Universal Wisdom in 45 bytes.
%%
Tagline wanted. Apply within.  <=================<
%%
Tagline: what you stand in to get your license plates.
%%
Tagline? Where? What is a tagline, anyways?
%%
Tag-line! You're it!     (C) 1993, All Rights Reserved.
%%
Tagline: Your last chance to piss someone off.
%%
Tag, tag, tag ... all you ever do is tag!
%%
tagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtagtag
%%
Tagteam: a bunch of people thinking up taglines together.
%%
Tag Theives Inc.  Now accepting applications!
%%
Tag under demolition. BLASTING AREA - NO CB'S
%%
Tag - You're it!  How childish...
%%
Tag, you're it, Tag, you're it, Tag you're it again, Tag, you're it not.
%%
TAG YOUR IT
%%
TAH: Take A Hike
%%
T'ai Chi isn't a martial art--it's a MARTIAN art.
Martians move slowly in earth gravity
%%
Tail-biters.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
TAILFINS!!  ...click...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Tailgater--one who makes ends meet.
%%
TAIL, n.  The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its
natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a world of
its own.  Excepting in its foetal state, Man is without a tail, a
privation of which he attests an hereditary and uneasy consciousness
by the coat-skirt of the male and the train of the female, and by a
marked tendency to ornament that part of his attire where the tail
should be, and indubitably once was.  This tendency is most observable
in the female of the species, in whom the ancestral sense is strong
and persistent.  The tailed men described by Lord Monboddo are now
generally regarded as a product of an imagination unusually
susceptible to influences generated in the golden age of our pithecan
past.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Tailoring: Serge Soote
%%
Tailors come with no strings attached.
%%
Tailors make it fit.
%%
TAI: Trap Absurd Inputs
%%
Take 20 aspirins, and you'll feel better if you wake up.
%%
Take a bite out of crime... Arrest Congress.
%%
Take a book on a holiday.
%%
Take a Break!: Colin Sick
%%
Take a break in the bathroom? Not me, bud... I got a laptop.
%%
Take a breath, Al... Inhale.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle politely cutting off Senator Al
                   Gore during the VP Debate in Atlanta, 10/13/92.
%%
Take a breath of the new dawn and make it a part of you.
 -- Hopi proverb
%%
Take a cannibal to lunch.
%%
Take a chance--Columbus did.
 -- Bud Collins (from his mother)
%%
Take a dog for a companion and a stick in your hand.
 -- English Proverb
%%
Take advantage of the pleasurable opportunities that come your way.
%%
Take a hit from tha bong....
%%
TAKE A KID CAMPING THIS SUMMER....AND LEAVE'M!
%%
Take a lesson from the whale; the only
time he gets speared is when he raises to spout.
%%
Take all the pleasures of all the spheres,
And multiply each through endless years,--
One minute of heaven is worth them all.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Paradise and the Peri
%%
Take a long walk on a short pier.
%%
Take a long worm from the rear, according to its mate it's a lot more fun.
%%
Take a look at this - I'm sure you know it. 'King and Country'.
Ah yes...without doubt my _favourite_ magazine. Soft, strong...and
  thoroughly absorbent.
Tophole, Blackadder, I thought it would be right up your alley...
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
TAKE A MINUTE TO THANK YOUR SYSOP
%%
Take any religious mystery, any theological proposition: expressed in ordinary
terms it will read like sheer nonsense to the outsider, from the ritualistic,
symbolic eating of human flesh and blood practiced by all the Christian sects
to the outright cannibalism practiced by some savages.
 -- Major Whitey Ardmore
%%
Take a sad song and make it better.
%%
Take a straw and throw it up into the air,--you may see by that which
way the wind is.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Libels
%%
Take a SysOp out to lunch; he's probably broke!
%%
Take A SYSOP To Lunch. He Needs A Steady Diet Of Bytes....
%%
Take a telegram. To: Mr C.Chaplin, Senate Studios, Hollywood,
  California. Message reads: Congrats stop Have found only person
  in world less funny than you stop Name Baldrick stop
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
Take A Walk In The Wild Side ...
%%
Take away love and our earth is a tomb.
 -- Robert Browning
%%
Take away the right to say 'fuck' and you take away the right to say 'fuck
the government.'
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
Take away the sword;
States can be saved without it.
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- Richelieu, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Take but degree away, untune that string,
And, hark, what discord follows! each thing meets
In mere oppugnancy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Take care!!!
%%
Take care and say this with presence of mind.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act iv, Sc. 6, 31, (769.)
%%
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of
themselves.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
 Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Take care to be an economist in prosperity; there is no fear of your
not being one in adversity.
 -- Zimmerman
%%
Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing
 losses on.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
Take charge of your attitude.  Don't let someone else choose it for you.
%%
Take comfort in the saying "beauty is only skin deep".
%%
Take counsel in wine, but resolve afterwards in water.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Take egotism out, and you castrate the benefactors.
%%
Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
%%
Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
TAKE FORCEFUL ACTION:
 Do something that should have been done a long time ago.
%%
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough
cheese
 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorada"
%%
Take heart, programs never run the first time
(and complex programs never run at all).
%%
Take heed of enemies reconcil'd and of meat twice boil'd.
 -- Proverb
%%
Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 1
%%
Take her up tenderly,
  Lift her with care;
Fashioned so slenderly,
  Young, and so fair!
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Bridge of Sighs
%%
Take hope from the heart of man, and you make him a beast of prey.
 -- Ouida (Marie Louise de la Ramee)
%%
Take Idaho's license plates - they say 'Famous Potatoes.'   Then there's New
 Hampshire - their license plates say 'Live Free ... or DIE!!'  I don't know, I
 think that somewhere between 'Famous Potatoes' and 'Live Free or Die' the
 truth lies.  And I think it's closer to 'Famous Potatoes.'
 -- George Carlin
%%
Take it as it comes.
%%
Take it away, Eric the Orchestra Leader!
%%
Take it away, Ghengis.
%%
Take it easy and lazily, because the golf ball isn't going to run away from
 you while you're swinging.
 -- Sam Snead
%%
Take it easy, but take it.
 -- Studs Terkel
%%
Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
%%
Take it for what it's Worthless
%%
Take it from me - he's got the goods.
%%
Take it off, take it ALL off!
%%
Take it slow, but take it.  And don't forget to KEEP IT FUN.
%%
Take me as I am.
%%
Take me drunk, I'm home again!
%%
Take me drunk officer - I'm home.
%%
Take me home, furry people need love too
%%
TAKE ME, I'M YOURS.
%%
Take me, to the Dreamers' Ball!
 -- Queen
%%
Take me to the river, drop me in the water.
%%
Take my advice - I don't need or use it.
%%
Take my advice--I'm not using it
%%
Take my hand.
%%
Take my heart, take my money, but honey....
please don't take my remote control.
%%
Take my VISA, take my wife, but NOT my modem!!
%%
Take my word for it.
%%
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it
needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
 -- Rudyard Kipling, "Three and--an Extra"
%%
Take my Worf...please.
 -- Data, "The Outrageous Okona", stardate 42402.7
%%
Taken as a whole, the universe is absurd.
 -- Walter Savage Landor
%%
Taken a Turing test lately?
%%
Take no friends and leave no enemies.
%%
Take no prisoners.
%%
Take no prisoners, we can't feed them.
%%
Take not a maiden who, when she sees a man of bronze,
Loses possession of herself.
Nothing furthers.
%%
Take note, take note, O world,
To be direct and honest is not safe.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Take nothing but a single shot,
Leave nothing but a death card,
Kill nothing but the intended target.
 -- Edward Godwin
%%
Take Nothing but Pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but
time.
 -- Motto of the Baltimore Grotto (caving society)
%%
Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 25
%%
Take, O boatman, thrice thy fee,--
Take, I give it willingly;
For, invisible to thee,
Spirits twain have crossed with me.
 -- Johann L. Uhland (1787-1862)
 -- The Passage, Edinburgh Review, October, 1832
%%
   Take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete
     and firing an Uzi, and terrified citizens will phone the police and
    report: `There's a naked person outside!'
 -- Mike Nichols
%%
Take off your engineering hat and put on your management hat.
 -- Thiokol management, 1/27/86
%%
Take off your hat to your yesterdays;
take off your coat for your tomorrows.
 -- Proverb
%%
Take, O, take those lips away,
  That so sweetly were forsworn;
And those eyes, the break of day,
  Lights that do mislead the morn:
But my kisses bring again, bring again;
Seals of love, but sealed in vain, sealed in vain.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Take out the word 'Quayle' and insert the word 'Bush' wherever it
appears, and that's the crap I took for eight years.  Wimp.
Sycophant.  Lap dog.  Poop.  Lightweight.  Boob.  Squirrel.  Asshole.
George Bush.
 -- President George Bush
%%
Take physic, pomp;
Expose thyself to feel what wretches feel.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Take pot to the beach; leave no tern unstoned.
%%
Take pride in Scouting.
%%
Take rather than give the tone to the company you are in. If you
gave parts you will show them more or less upon every subject; and
if you have not, you had better talk sillily upon a subject of other
people's than of your own choosing.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
 -- Ovid
%%
Take risks. A ship in port is safe. Sail out to sea and do new
 things. If you have a good idea ... do it. The big rewards go to those
 who take big risks.
 --  Rear Admiral Grace Hopper, USN
%%
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Takes a little effort to make PCBoard do un-natural acts.
%%
Takes a lot of RAM to make your floppy spin.
%%
"Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone: "so I can't take
more."
"You mean you can't take LESS," said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take MORE
than nothing."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Take that, Lorena said cuttingly.
%%
Take that trip to the brain.
%%
Take that, you hostile sons-of-bitches!
 -- James Coburn, in the finale of _The_President's_Analyst_
%%
Take the antiderivative of (tan 3x^2)/5x...
%%
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.
%%
Take the cash.
 -- Joe Queenan
%%
Take the day
And walk around
Watch the nazis
Run your town
And then go home
And check yourself
 -- Frank Zappa, lyrics to "Plastic People"
%%
Take the 'e' out of Dude and you've got a DUD!
%%
Take thee this thing covered with that stuff and give it unto that guy,
that he may do things with it.
%%
Take the folks at Coca-Cola.  For many years, they were content to sit
back and make the same old carbonated beverage.  It was a good
beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up
drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth grade where you put a
nail into a glass of Coke and after a couple of days the nail dissolves
and the teacher says: Imagine what it does to your TEETH!    So
Coca-Cola was solidly entrenched in the market, and the management saw
no need to improve ...
 -- Dave Barry, In Search of Excellence
%%
Take the law into your own hands?
%%
Take the money and run.
%%
Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take
thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil
thereof.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 34
%%
Take the short-cut to Geodesic Park!
%%
Take the steps, the elevator don't work.
%%
Take the time to snuff the dandelions
%%
Take This 'Conference' and Shove It.
%%
"Take this cross and garlic -- here's a Mezuzah in
 case he's Jewish -- a page of the Koran if he's
 Muslim... and if he's a Zen Buddhist, you're on
 your own."
 -- Im-ple-ments of destruction for undead (vampires, that is) in "Badger"
%%
Take this girl away! She's got paternity suit written all over her!
 -- Uncle Duke (in Doonesbury)
%%
Take This Job And Shove It: Ike Witt
%%
Take this s**t to the DeadHorse Conference!!!
%%
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!
  Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
 -- Edgar A. Poe (1809-1849)
 -- The Raven
%%
Take thy correction mildly. Kiss the rod.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Take time enough: all other graces
Will soon fill up their proper places.
 -- John Byrom (1691-1763)
 -- Advice to Preach Slow
%%
Take time to be friendly - it is the road to happiness.
%%
Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives,
stop thinking and go on.
 -- Andrew Jackson
%%
Take time to develop your personality.
%%
Take time to develop your personality,
it's a little negative at the present.
%%
Take time to do the things that really make you happy.
%%
Take time to listen...
%%
Take time to reflect on all the things you have, not as a result of your
merit or hard work or because God or chance or the efforts of other people
have given them to you.
%%
Take time to smell the roses and eventually you'll inhale a bee.
%%
Take time to stop and smell the Pizza.
%%
Take time to travel; your troubles will unravel.
%%
Take two crows and caw me in the morning.
%%
Take two taglines and call me in the morning.
%%
TAKE, v.t.  To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Take what Scouting taught you everywhere you go.
%%
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
 -- Ken Kesey
%%
Take what you want - leave some if you want. No ratios.
%%
Take your bare hands baby rip out my eyes...
%%
Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to
 your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms,
 and they'll call you crazy.
 -- "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
%%
Take Your Mouse to lunch Today!
%%
Take your Senator to lunch this week.
%%
Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not
take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.
 -- Booth Tarkington
%%
Taking a bath is a certain way to make the phone ring.
 -- Bell's Reverse Law
%%
Taking a collection to put the Barney kids in therapy.
%%
Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.
 -- Fyodor Dostoyevski (1821-1881)
%%
Taking a QUANTUM LEAP into the past.
%%
Taking a turn for the worst.
%%
Taking business advice from a female is against Ferengi law.
 -- Advice of Zek.
%%
Taking drugs in the 60s, I tried to reach Nirvana, But all I ever got were
re-runs of The Mickey Mouse Club.
 -- Rev. Jim
%%
Taking out without putting in is the quickest way to the bottom, for the
 course is never up!
%%
Taking the line of least resistence makes both men and rivers crooked.
%%
Taking the measure of an unmade grave.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Takin'my tagline, eh?  Give it back here, ya hoser!
%%
Talent alone cannot make a writer.  There must be a man behind the book.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Goethe"
%%
Talent borrows, but genius steals.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Talent develops in tranquillity, character in the full current of human life.
 -- Goethe
%%
Talent does what it can, genius does what it must, I do what I'm paid to do.
%%
  Talent goes where the action is.
 -- Bower's Law
%%
Talent in staff work or sales will recurringly be interpreted as
managerial ability.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Talent is as talent does.
%%
Talent is that which is in a man's power; genius is that in whose
power a man is.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Rousseau and the Sentimentalists
%%
Talent is what you posses; genius is what possesses you - Cowley
%%
Talent, lying in the understanding, is often inherent; genius, being the
action of reason and imagination, rarely or never.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Talent on loan from God.
%%
Tales of a Tagline thief - I came, I read, I stole.
%%
Talk about engineering? Ok... but I don't know much about trains.
%%
Talk about excitement. If you really want to have excitement in your life,
 try raising rabbits. Every day is a hare raising event! (I think it is time
 for an apology, sorry, really sorry about this one!)
%%
Talk about giving...each day, some 7,000 tons of wool are produced by the
 sheep of this world, and someone comes around and deprives them of it. I
 think the name is Pendleton, but I am not sure.
%%
Talk about nightmares! Imagine being Salman Rushdie's insurance man.
%%
Talk back, tremblin' lips!
%%
Talk dirty to me, baby... baby... baby...
%%
Talk does not cook rice.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
Talkers are no good doers.
 -- William Shakespeare, King Richard III, I, iii, 351
%%
:talker system: n. British hackerism for software that enables
   real-time chat or {talk mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture
 -- Laurie Anderson, 'Home of the Brave'
%%
Talking and eloquence are not the same thing:  to speak, and to speak
well, are two things.  A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.
 -- Ben Johnson, Timber, or Discoveries Made Upon Men and Matter
%%
Talking is a digestive process which is absolutely essential to the
mental constitution of the man who devours many books. A full mind
must have talk, or it will grow dyspeptic.
 -- William Matthews
%%
Talking is another disease of age.
%%
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Talking of bulls is not like being in the bull ring.
%%
Talking Pinhead Blues:
 Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on
  channel TWENTY-SIX!!
 Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS
  has been DEAD for YEARS..  (sniff)
 My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th'dog, ALEXANDER
  HAIG won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter.. (snurf)
 So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me
  upside mah HAID!! (on no, no, no..  Heh, heh)
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out
of body experience.
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
%%
Talk is cheap - bullets are cheaper.
%%
Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
%%
Talk is cheap???  I suppose you've never hired a lawyer!
%%
Talk is cheap. Using a modem gets expensive.
%%
Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much.
 -- John Wayne
%%
Talk not of comfort, 'tis for lighter ills; I will indulge my sorrows,
and give way to all the pangs and fury of despair.
 -- Addison
%%
Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
Talk of revolution is one way of avoiding reality.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Talk of the devil, and his horns appear.
%%
Talks as familiarly of roaring lions
As maids of thirteen do of puppy-dogs!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
 -- Euripides
%%
Talk to a Plant...It's rewarding...
%%
Talk to fish.  Sooner or later, they will talk back.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Talk to him of Jacob's ladder, and he would ask the number of the steps.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- A Matter-of-fact Man
%%
Talk to me. Make believe I'm your bartender.
%%
Talk to the other autocrat!
%%
Talk to your Plant often; it doesn't cost a Penny!
%%
TALK, v.t.  To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an
impulse without purpose.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:tall card: n. A PC/AT-size expansion card (these can be larger
   than IBM PC or XT cards because the AT case is bigger).  See also
   {short card}.  When IBM introduced the PS/2 model 30 (its last
   gasp at supporting the ISA) they made the case lower and many
   industry-standard tall cards wouldn't fit; this was felt to be a
   reincarnation of the {connector conspiracy}, done with less
   style.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TALL KNIGHT:   Firstly.  You must get us another shrubbery!
OTHER KNIGHTS: More shrubberies!  More shrubberies for the ex-Knights of Ni!
ARTHUR:        Not another shrubbery -
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
TALL KNIGHT: We are now no longer the Knights Who Say Ni!
ONE KNIGHT:  Ni!
OTHERS:      Sh!
ONE KNIGHT:  (wispers) Sorry.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
TALL KNIGHT: We shall say Ni! again to you if you do not appease us.
ARTHUR:      All right!  What do you want?
TALL KNIGHT: We want ... a shrubbery!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
TALL KNIGHT: When you have found the shrubbery, then you must cut down the
             mightiest tree in the forest ... with a herring.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.
 -- John Mason Brown [drama critic]
%%
Tally ho, pip-pip, and Bernard's your Uncle...!
...In English we say, 'Good morning'...
 -- George and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Tally-ho, yippety-dip, and zing zang spillip. Looking forward to
  bullying off for the final chukka?
Permission to speak.
...............
Answer the General, Baldrick.
...I can't sir, I don't know what he's talking about.
 -- Melchett, Edmund and Baldrick : Captain Cook
%%
Tamarian mugger: Timbir, his arms up, NOW!
%%
Tame a troll and it will learn you fighting.
%%
Tammy Faye Bakker has come back on television to appeal for more money so
 that she can appear on more stations to appeal for more money so that she
 can appear on more stations to appeal for more money to appear on more
 stations. The real sorry part of this is that people are sending her money!
%%
Tammy Faye Bakker uses gun powder on her face. At least, it looks shot!
%%
Tammy Faye loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass
%%
TAMPON COMMERCIAL
  A unique form of advertising, that shows just about everything
  except for the actual product. Typically seen are young women
  bouncing around beaches, on horses and running around gardens
  smiling a lot, enjoying their weekends. 98% of tampon commercial
  slogans contain the word "free", or a derivative. Which, if they're
  not careful, will result in hundreds of women flocking around
  tampon factories demanding they hand them over for free.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Tampons $1 a dozen! No strings attached!
%%
Tandy America's Technology. Sure!
%%
Tandy: For the unsuspecting consumer.
%%
Tandy...You can buy better, but you can't pay more.
%%
TANK: A means of transportation the Soviet army uses to visit its friends.
%%
:tanked: adj. Same as {down}, used primarily by UNIX hackers.  See
   also {hosed}.  Popularized as a synonym for `drunk' by Steve
   Dallas in the late lamented "Bloom County" comic strip.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tanstaafl!
%%
:TANSTAAFL: /tan'stah-fl/ [acronym, from Robert Heinlein's
   classic "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress".]  "There Ain't No
   Such Thing As A Free Lunch", often invoked when someone is balking
   at the prospect of using an unpleasantly {heavyweight}
   technique, or at the poor quality of some piece of free software,
   or at the {signal-to-noise ratio} of unmoderated USENET
   newsgroups.  "What? Don't tell me I have to implement a database
   back end to get my address book program to work!"  "Well,
   TANSTAAFL you know."  This phrase owes some of its popularity to
   the high concentration of science-fiction fans and political
   libertarians in hackerdom (see {Appendix B}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tap dancers do it with their feet.
%%
TAPE, MAGNETIC
  A form of storage, tape was especially developed to make it easy to
  record and re-record valuable images, sounds or data, onto it. The
  tape can then be played back at will, before suddenly getting
  caught in the heads of your tape deck one day and consequently
  losing all the valuable images, sounds and/or data. That's if a
  friendly neighbourhood magnet doesn't get at it first. The key to
  keeping your recordings safe is to invest in quality tapes, store
  them sensibly (ie in the most inconvenient way), and buy lots of
  head cleaners, demagnetisers, and whatever else the record shops
  can talk you into buying.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Tape only sticks to itself.
 -- Kener's Law
%%
TAPPING?  You POLITICIANS!  Don't you realize that the END of the
 ``Wash Cycle'' is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
:tar and feather: [from UNIX `tar(1)'] vt. To create a
   transportable archive from a group of files by first sticking them
   together with `tar(1)' (the Tape ARchiver) and then
   compressing the result (see {compress}).  The latter action is
   dubbed `feathering' partly for euphony and (if only for contrived
   effect) by analogy to what you do with an airplane propeller to
   decrease wind resistance, or with an oar to reduce water
   resistance; smaller files, after all, slip through comm links more
   easily.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TARC: Take Arithmetic Review Course
%%
TARDISDOS 3.0 : Bang fist on any part of the console to continue ...
%%
TARDIS Express:  When it absolutely, positively has to be there yesterday.
%%
TARFU -- Things are Really Fouled Up
%%
Target prices?  How that works?  I know quite a bit about farm policy.
I come from Indiana, which is a farm state.  Deficiency payments -
which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands.
We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked
very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar,
making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to
                   define the term "target prices."
              Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press
             conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.
%%
Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic
 producer from the greed of his customer.
 -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Tar is not a plaything
%%
Tarmin: "But there is nothing to fear?"
Jev: "Father..."
Worf: "I am not fearful."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Tarmin: "I have been accused of putting people to sleep with one too many
  stories, Captain.  But this is the first time it's ever been suggested that I
  might be the cause of someone's coma."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45431.7
%%
Tarmin: "I have rarely encountered such squeamish people!"
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Tarmin: "It's been three centuries since we treated anyone for this...this
form  of rape.  But there are medical records from that era.  It was
a time of great  violence for my people.  A time we thought we had
put far behind us.  That  this could happen now...is unimaginable."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45435.8
%%
Tarmin: "Perhaps someone else would care to try?"  [To Beverly]  "You, Madam?
  You're thinking about that first childhood kiss.  Would you like to remember
  more about it?"
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Tarmin: "Well you, Mister Worf, I would love to explore Klingon memories."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Tarmin: "We're to be prisoners?"
Picard: "No, please, don't look on it like that."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45431.7
%%
Tarmin: "We won't be on your ship for long.  This may be your last chance."
Picard: [Laughs]  "Yes.  Well..."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Tarry at Jericho until your beards be grown.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel x, 5
%%
TARTAN
  Checked pattern that is far too loud, but permitted to be so
  because it's Scottish tradition.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Tart words make no friends;
a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
[Tar water] is of a nature so mild and benign and proportioned to
the human constitution, as to warm without heating, to cheer but not
inebriate.
 -- Bishop Berkeley (1684-1753)
 -- Siris, Par. 217
%%
Ta-Sardar-Gor
%%
Tasha Burger: It'll come up again later after it's gone.
%%
Tasha Yar doesn't support Data entry... She says it never happened!
%%
Tasha Yar's specialty:  Data input!
%%
Tasha, you're not supposed to be here.
"Where am I supposed to be?"
Dead.
"Do you know how?"
No. But, I do know that it was an empty death, a death without purpose.
 -- Guinan and Tasha Yar, "Yesterday's Enterprise", stardate 43625.2
%%
TASMANIA
  That bit of Australia that always gets forgotten.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Taste...a creamy, fish-like taste.
%%
Taste makes the difference.
%%
Taste me, taste me--I'm organic
%%
Taste my steel, pasty boy!
%%
:taste: [primarily MIT] n. 1. The quality in a program that tends
   to be inversely proportional to the number of features, hacks, and
   kluges programmed into it.  Also `tasty', `tasteful',
   `tastefulness'.  "This feature comes in N tasty flavors."
   Although `tasteful' and `flavorful' are essentially
   synonyms, `taste' and {flavor} are not.  Taste refers to
   sound judgment on the part of the creator; a program or feature
   can *exhibit* taste but cannot *have* taste.  On the other
   hand, a feature can have {flavor}.  Also, {flavor} has the
   additional meaning of `kind' or `variety' not shared by
   `taste'.  {Flavor} is a more popular word than `taste',
   though both are used.  See also {elegant}.  2. Alt. sp. of
   {tayste}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
  TAS  - Thick As Shit (teaching term, descriptive of students and
          education ministers)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Tasting, 1-2-3, Tasting...
%%
Tatercrater: hole dug in mashed potatoes to keep the gravy in.
%%
Taught him everything I know, and still he knows nothing.
%%
TAURUS (Apr.20 - May 20)
Take advantage of this opportunity to get a little extra sleep,
because you're going to miss the bus again today anyway.  You will
decide to lose weight today, just like yesterday.
%%
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)  You are practical and persistent.  You have dogged
determination and work like hell.  Most people think you are stubborn and
bull-headed.  You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
%%
Taurus Excretum Ad Infinitum....
%%
Tax all you want, just give it a different name.
 -- Liberal Rule #10
%%
Tax and spend often.
 -- Liberal Rule # 1
%%
Taxation: how the sheep are shorn.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Taxation is little more than legalized extortion.
%%
Taxation is theft; Conscription is slavery; War is murder.
%%
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
%%
Taxation with representation is THEFT!
%%
Tax dollars: Clinton's soldiers in the war on poverty.
%%
Taxes: A government term for screwing you without kissing you.
%%
Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself
out of the market.
%%
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert Heinlein's _Time Enough For Love_
%%
Taxes are revolting, why aren't you?
%%
Taxes are what we pay for civilized society.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.,
 -- Compania General de Tabacos de Filipinas
 -- v. Collector of Internal Revenue, 1927
%%
Taxes, n.: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an
extension.
%%
Taxes should hurt.   I just mailed my own tax return last night and I
am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Taxes still too low for you?  Then vote for Clinton/Gore in '96!
%%
Taxes?   We don't need no stinking taxes.
 -- Jeff Daiell
%%
 "Tax-free Withdrawals" by Robin Banks
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Taxi cab drivers come faster.
%%
Taxi cab drivers do it all over town.
%%
TAXIDERMIST:
  A man who mounts animals.
%%
Taxidermists mount anything.
%%
Taxing the country into prosperity: Clinocchio!
%%
Tax office: a den of inequity.
%%
Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past
and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
 -- Art Buchwald
%%
Tax reform means: "Don't tax me. Don't tax thee.
Tax that guy behind the tree."
 -- Russell Long
%%
"Tax & spend, tax & spend, and tax & spend some more"
 -- Liberal motto
%%
Tax, tagline, and title included.
%%
:tayste: /tayst/ n. Two bits; also as {taste}.  Syn. {crumb},
   {quarter}.  Compare {{byte}}, {dynner}, {playte},
   {nybble}, {quad}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TBakerDos 4.0: (A)bort (R)etry (J)elly Baby?
%%
TBFTG: Two Burgers and Fries To Go
%%
T-Bok: "Do you understand my meaning, captain?  We...are back."
 -- "The Neutral Zone", Stardate unknown
%%
:TCB: /T-C-B/ [IBM] n. 1. Trouble Came Back.  An intermittent or
   difficult-to-reproduce problem that has failed to respond to
   neglect or {shotgun debugging}.  Compare {heisenbug}.  Not to
   be confused with: 2. Trusted Computing Base, an `official'
   jargon term from the {Orange Book}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tchaikovsky did it pathetically.
%%
TCP/IP: handling tomorrow's loads today
OSI: handling yesterday's loads someday
 -- Henery Spencer
%%
TCP: Terminate Control Program
%%
TCR     Transmit Colors (but avoid Red)
%%
TC: Transmit Colors
%%
TDB: Transfer and Drop Bits
%%
TDRB: Test and Destroy Random Bits
%%
TDS: Trash Data Segment
%%
Teach a man to fish, he'll eat fish the rest of his life. Teach a
fish to learn, and soon the fish will all be running around in schools!
%%
Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when
 he grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
%%
Teacher:  "Bart, give us an example of a modern-day paradox."
Bart:  "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."
 -- Bart the Genius   "The Simpsons"
%%
Teacher: "Dara and her brother found themselves in the land of Targus,
where the
  ruler, Eliamos the Magnificent, had proclaimed his law, 'No children will be
  tolerated within the great kingdom.'  When Dara saw the proclamation she just
  laughed, and said, 'How magnificent a ruler, to be frightened by the likes of
  us!'"
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Teacher from the Black Lagoon
%%
Teacher is not a leper
%%
Teacher = Person attempting to civilize youth. See crazy.
%%
Teacher said it was dain bramage...
%%
TEACHERS do it 50 times after class
%%
Teachers do it repeatedly.
%%
Teachers have class.
%%
TEACHERS make _you_ do it till you get it right
%%
Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS
 -- Real Newspaper Headline
%%
Teacher's Work Day. OxyMoron, or rare occurance?
%%
Teachers would do it....but forgot how!!
%%
Teachers would do it....but with class!!
%%
Teacher: "Timothy, we're done with sculpture for now."
Timothy: "It's not finished."
Teacher: "We'll come back to it next period.  Why don't you pick up your
  mythology book and follow along?"
Timothy: "But it's not finished!"
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Teach him how to live,
And, oh still harder lesson! how to die.
 -- Beilby Porteus (1731-1808)
 -- Death, Line 316
%%
Teaching 3 "R's" in Miami public schools - rap, rubbers & revolvers.
%%
Teaching is the art of casting false pearls before REAL swine.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
Teaching programming in BASIC is like teaching driving in a wheelbarrow.
%%
Teach Me!: I. Wanda Know
%%
Teach me to feel another's woe,
  To hide the fault I see;
That mercy I to others show,
  That mercy show to me.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Universal Prayer, Stanza 10
%%
Teach someone something new.
%%
Teach your child to hold his tongue; he'll learn fast enough to speak.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
:tea, ISO standard cup of: [South Africa] n. A cup of tea with milk
   and one teaspoon of sugar, where the milk is poured into the cup
   before the tea.  Variations are ISO 0, with no sugar; ISO 2, with
   two spoons of sugar; and so on.

   Like many ISO standards, this one has a faintly alien ring in North
   America, where hackers generally shun the decadent British practice
   of adulterating perfectly good tea with dairy products and
   prefer instead to add a wedge of lemon, if anything.  If one were
   feeling extremely silly, one might hypothesize an analogous `ANSI
   standard cup of tea' and wind up with a political situation
   distressingly similar to several that arise in much more serious
   technical contexts.  Milk and lemon don't mix very well.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
 -- Finagle's Eighth Rule
%%
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #09
%%
Tear off his sign bit and SHIFT down his throat!
%%
Tear out all but the first thirty or so pages of _The Joy of Sex_.
Believe me, all those advanced positions are just not going to be
possible.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
  Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean.
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part iv, Line 21
%%
Tears in floods, sighing and lamenting.
Good fortune.
%%
Tear Up Those Betting Slips: Lou Zerr
%%
Tea! thou soft, thou sober sage, and venerable liquid;- thou female
tongue-running, smile-smoothing, heart-opening, wink tippling cordial, to whose
glorious insipidity I owe the happiest moments of ny life, let me fall
prostrate!
 -- Colley Cibber
%%
Techies (as in stage hands) do it in the dark
%%
Techies do it behind the scenes. (as in stage hands)
%%
TECHNICALITY:  A liberal's view of the 2nd Amendment..
%%
TECHNICALITY, n.  In an English court a man named Home was tried for
slander in having accused his neighbor of murder.  His exact words
were:  "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook
upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and
the other side upon the other shoulder."  The defendant was acquitted
by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words
did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook,
that being only an inference.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
TECHNICALITY:  Someone *ELSES* Constitutional rights..
%%
Technician in search of a network....
%%
TECHNICIANS do it with greater frequency
%%
TECHNICIANS do it with high voltage probes
%%
TECHNICIANS do it with mechanical assistance
%%
:Technobabble:
John Barry
MIT Press 1991
ISBN 0-262-02333-4

Barry's book takes a critical and humorous look at the `technobabble' of
acronyms, neologisms, hyperbole, and metaphor spawned by the computer
industry.  Though he discusses some of the same mechanisms of jargon
formation that occur in hackish, most of what he chronicles is actually
suit-speak --- the obfuscatory language of press releases, marketroids,
and Silicon Valley CEOs rather than the playful jargon of hackers (most
of whom wouldn't be caught dead uttering the kind of pompous,
passive-voiced word salad he deplores).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Technobabble limit exceeded. Del JARGON.EXE Y/y?
%%
TechnoBabble - Requires BS to understand!!!
%%
TechnoBabble, the language of choice!
%%
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means
for going backwards.
 -- Aldous Huxley, "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow", 1956
%%
Technological progress is like an ax in the hands of a pathological criminal.
%%
Technologie don't transfer.
 -- Conrad's Conundrum
%%
Technologies change faster than out perceptions.
 -- Jim Seymour, PC Week
%%
Technology favors horrible people.
%%
Technology Gone Wild - Technical solutions to technical problems
%%
Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't
  have to experience it.
 -- Max Frisch
%%
Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand
 what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not
 understand.
 -- Putt's Law
%%
Technology is no more of a problem now than it has always been.
 -- J. Redford
%%
Technology is so technological
%%
Technology is the expression of the society; it is an expression of the
values and the abilities of the people that generate it.  It is indeed a
most revealing indicator of our society.  and the fact is that
technology in turn shapes the values of a society and of its people.
 -- George Bugliarello
%%
Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything,
 except over technology.
 -- John Tudor
%%
Technology: No Place for Wimps!
 -- Scott Adams, Dilbert
%%
Technology... the knack of so arranging the world that we don't have
to experience it.
 -- Max Frisch
%%
Technology transition
 helping people replace old useless processes, methods and tools
 with new useless processes, methods and tools
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Techno Pagan.
%%
:TechRef: /tek'ref/ [MS-DOS] n. The original "IBM PC
   Technical Reference Manual", including the BIOS listing and
   complete schematics for the PC.  The only PC documentation in the
   issue package that's considered serious by real hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tech Support is Just A Busy Signal Away
%%
Tech Support: Not just a job, an adventure!
%%
Tech support
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Tech writers do it manually.
%%
TECO: The Tyrannosaurus Rex of editors.
%%
Ted "Chappaquidick" Kennedy for Boston dog catcher
%%
Ted Dexter is to journalism what Danny La Rue is to rugby league.
%%
Teddy Bears are better than valium.
%%
Teddy bears do it with small children.
%%
Teddy Roosevelt did it softly, but with a big stick.
%%
Tedium is the worst pain.
%%
TEDIUM, n.  Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored.  Many
fanciful derivations of the word have been affirmed, but so high an
authority as Father Jape says that it comes from a very obvious
source -- the first words of the ancient Latin hymn _Te Deum
Laudamus_.  In this apparently natural derivation there is something
that saddens.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ted Kennedy and Bob Packwood think harass is two words.
%%
Ted Kennedy for lifeguard!
%%
Ted Kennedy: "My nephew will walk your daughter home."
%%
Ted Koppel: the father Alfred E. Newman never talks about.
%%
Ted Nugent and Dave Mustaine:  Rock`n'roll political polarity.
%%
Ted Nugent -- Official rock and roller of the E.I.B. Network.
%%
Ted Turner Virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
%%
Teenage mating rituals?
 -- Wesley, "The Big Goodbye", stardate 41997.7
%%
Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbers.
%%
Teen-age Mutant Ninja Haggis!!
%%
Teenage Mutant Ninja *WHAT*????
%%
Teenager: A person who thinks 30 is a form of terminal illness.
%%
Teenagers don't know what love is. They have mixed-up ideas. They go for a
 drive, and the boy runs out of gas, and they smooch a little, and the girl
 says she loves him. That isn't love. Love is when you're married
 twenty-five years, smooching in your living room, and he runs out of gas
 and she still says she loves him. That's love!
 -- Norm Crosby
%%
Teenagers Of The '50's: Bobbie Sox
%%
TEENAGERS: People so smart only other teenagers understand them.
%%
Teen Angel, can you hear me?
%%
:tee: n.,vt. [Purdue] A carbon copy of an electronic transmission.
   "Oh, you're sending him the {bits} to that?  Slap on a tee for
   me."  From the UNIX command `tee(1)', itself named after a
   pipe fitting (see {plumbing}).  Can also mean `save one for me',
   as in "Tee a slice for me!"  Also spelled `T'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TeenyTag 2.00: the niftiest tagline program for TerMail.
%%
Teeth extracted by the latest
 Methodists.
 -- In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist
%%
Teeth were not made for stripping wires.
%%
TEETOTALER, n.  One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally,
sometimes tolerably totally.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Tee Vee football: one team wins, one team loses--they tie--who cares? And why?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Teflon brain -- nothing sticks.
%%
.teG I sdrawkcaB eroM ehT oG I sdrawroF eroM ehT
%%
Tehee quod she, and clapte the wyndow to.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer
%%
Telecommunications is a BIT far fetched.
%%
Telecommunicators are special people.
%%
Telecourse: it's hard to get an `F'...
%%
:teledildonics: /tel`*-dil-do'-niks/ n. Sex in a computer
   simulated virtual reality, esp. computer-mediated sexual
   interaction between the {VR} presences of two humans.  This
   practice is not yet possible except in the rather limited form of
   erotic conversation on {MUD}s and the like.  The term, however,
   is widely recognized in the VR community as a {ha ha only
   serious} projection of things to come.  "When we can sustain a
   multi-sensory surround good enough for teledildonics, *then*
   we'll know we're getting somewhere."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TELEMARKETING
  The practice of ringing you up when you're on the toilet just to
  ask you what you think about council mergers, would you like to
  donate to charity X, or would you like to get Call Waiting put on
  your phone.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Telemate built-in multi-tasking is great!
%%
Tele-parablizing:
 Morals used in everyday life that derive from TV sitcom plots:
"That's just like the episode where Jan lost her glasses!"
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Telepathy is minding someone else's business.
%%
Telepathy:  Knowing what people think when really they don't think at all.
%%
Telephone books are like dictionaries -- if you know the answer
before you look it up, you can eventually reaffirm what you
thought you knew but weren't sure.  But if you're searching for
something you don't already know, your fingers could walk
themselves to death.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Telephone charges are cheaper the farther you call, go figure...
%%
TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.
%%
Telephone, n.:
        An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
telephony - to identify an imposter
%%
Teleportation affects orientation.
%%
Teleportation lessens your orientation.
%%
:Telerat: /tel'*-rat/ n. Unflattering hackerism for `Teleray', a
   line of extremely losing terminals.  Compare {AIDX},
   {Macintrash} {Nominal Semidestructor}, {Open DeathTrap},
   {ScumOS}, {sun-stools}, {HP-SUX}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TELESCOPE, n.  A device having a relation to the eye similar to that
of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us
with a multitude of needless details.  Luckily it is unprovided with a
bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Teletypewriter - talk it over with your Smith-Corona
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Televangelist: A person in contact with God, but upset with God because God
 does not listen and straighten things out.
%%
Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.
 -- Ernie Kovacs
%%
Television and film demand that people at all levels have brass balls or
brass ovaries. Unfortunately, we live in the reign of the eunuch.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Starting from Scratch: A Different Kind of Writer's Manual
%%
Television does not honor tradition. Most of the time, it doesn't even
recognize it. Therefore, it can only destroy.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Television enables people with nothing to do to watch people who can
do nothing.
%%
Television gives good disaster.
%%
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each
 other.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
Television is a gift of God, and God will hold those who utilize his
divine instrument accountable to Him.
 -- Philo T. Farnsworth (one of television's inventors)
%%
Television is a medium of entertainment that permits millions of
people to listen to the same joke at the same time - and yet remain
lonesome.
 -- T.S. Eliot
%%
Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your
 living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.
 -- David Frost
%%
Television is a wonderful communication device, you can get London &
Tokyo on it.  And there's the window, with it open you can get Chile at
night.
%%
Television is a wonderful thing, and since it came along, I hardly ever
 watch my radio anymore. Television has done much for psychiatry by making
 everyone aware of it. Of course, television has also increased the need for
 it, too.
%%
Television is democracy at its ugliest.
 -- Paddy Chayefsky
%%
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not,
we should have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
 -- Alan Coren
%%
Television is now so desperately hungry for material
that it is scraping the top of the barrel.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
Television is ruining your life.
%%
Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture
available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want.
The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
 -- Clive Barnes, in "New York Times", 1969
%%
Television is to intelligence what culture is to yogurt.
%%
TELEVISION
  Just a small box that sits in the corner of the room, but still
  manages to dominate your life.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
TELEVISION -- movies where people don't step on your feet.

MOVIES -- television where people don't interrupt with unexpected visits.
%%
"Television? No good will come of this device. The word is half Greek
and half Latin."
 -- CP Scott
%%
Television sets are becoming very popular in automobiles these days. My
 uncle has a television set in his automobile, but it led into a little
 trouble. You see he was sitting in the car watching television while his
 wife was driving on the thruway at sixty miles per hour. And then the
 commercial came on, and he stepped out to go to the bathroom.
 -- Jackie Clark
%%
Television shows:  those little interludes between the commercials.
%%
Television was better when it was radio. Now, two senses are offended.
%%
Telix users are worth their SALT.
%%
Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong
%%
Tell a female she's thin and she's yours for life.
 -- Anne Bernays
%%
Tell a lie loud & long enough & people will believe it.
 -- Goebbels Law
%%
Tell all your friends to get swimming pools in case you want to visit.
 -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe
you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it
to be sure.
%%
Tellarites do no argue for reasons; they simply argue.
 -- Sarek of Vulcan, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.4.
%%
Tell Dark Helmet that he must take the princess alive!
%%
Tell 'em about the pilot who called Air Traffic Control wanting to know
what time it was.  The controller asked, "what airline was that request
from?"  Sez the pilot, "why do you want to know that?"  "Well, sir, if
you're American, it's 2:30.  If you're United, it's 1430 hours.  If
you're TWA, it's 1930 Zulu.  And if you're Continental, it's Thursday."
%%
TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.
%%
Tell her...I am fine.
 -- Spock to Sarek, "ST IV:The Voyage Home," stardate 8390
%%
Tell her the joyous Time will not be staid,
Unlesse she doe him by the forelock take.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- Amoretti, lxx
%%
Tell her there's a spot out in angles darkness,
tell her there's a darkness on the edge of town.
%%
Telling a liberal the truth is like showing a vampire a crucifix.
%%
Telling the future by looking at the past assumes that conditions
remain constant.  This is like driving a car by looking in the rearview
mirror.
 -- Herb Brody
%%
Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally
promoting a falsehood, isn't it?
 -- Anthony Hope
%%
Telling us to obey instinct is like telling us to obey "people."
People say different things: so do instincts.  Our instincts are at
war.... Each instinct, if you listen to it, will claim to be gratified
at the expense of the rest....
 -- C. S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man
%%
Tell it not in Gath; publish it not in the streets of Askelon.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel i, 20
%%
Tell it with pictures.... Direct it like you were making a silent.
 -- John Ford (to Elia Kazan)
%%
Tell me about your ship, Riker. It's the Enterprise isn't it?
"No, the name of my ship is the Lollipop."
I have no knowledge of that ship.
"It's just been commissioned. It's a good ship."
 -- Capt. Rice and Riker, "Arsenal of Freedom", stardate 41798.2
%%
Tell me again how I'm lucky to work here..I keep forgetting
%%
Tell me Doctor, where are we goin' this time?
%%
Tell me, have you ever visited the planet Earth, sir?
 -- Edmund to Melchett : Captain Cook
%%
Tell me how, Dave.
%%
Tell me more about these "habits".
 -- Beverly
%%
Tell me Mr. Clinton, is stupidity painful?
%%
Tell me, my soul, can this be death?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dying Christian to his Soul
%%
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
  "Life is but an empty dream!"
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
  And things are not what they seem.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- A Psalm of Life
%%
Tell me now, before I spend 20 dollars on drinks.
%%
Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I'd call me us.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Tell me the tales that to me were so dear,
  Long, long ago, long, long ago.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- Long, long ago
%%
Tell me thy company, and I will tell thee what thou art.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxiii
%%
Tell me to whom you are addressing yourself when you say that.
I am addressing myself--I am addressing myself to my cap.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- L'Avare, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Tell me what upsets you. Small minds are often distressed by little
 things...
%%
Tell me where is fancy bred,
  Or in the heart or in the head?
How begot, how nourished?
  Reply, reply.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Tell me, why do they keep saying, "This cereal is shot out of a cannon."
 Who cares? So are cannonballs, but they don't taste good with cream and
 sugar. In fact, so is the man in the circus shot out of a cannon, but he
 just lands in a net. And what's so good about a cereal that makes a loud
 cracking noise? So would the man in the circus if you took away the net.
 -- Henry Morgan
%%
Tell me young crone...is this Putney?
That it be!...That it be!...
...'Yes it is', not 'That it be'. You don't have to talk to me in that
  stupid voice, I'm not a tourist.
 -- Edmund and crone : Bells
%%
Tell me young, what brings you out this far?
%%
Tell my wife I am trolling Atlantis...
%%
Tell someone the sun is millions of miles away and they'll believe you.
Tell them the fence has just been painted and they'll feel it to check
it out.
%%
Tell the boss I am busy Multi-Tasking.
%%
Tell the Pope that this is a small matter and it can easily be made
suitable;  let him make the world a suitable place and painting will
soon follow suite.
 -- Michelangelo, in response to pressure by Pope Paul IV to change
 -- (or make suitable) nude images in his fresco, 'Last Judgement'
%%
Tell the truth, and run.
 -- Yugoslav proverb
%%
Tell the truth, and so puzzle and confound your adversaries.
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
%%
"Tell this to me straight, Denis."
"Denise"
"Sorry."
 -- Twin Peaks  (Agent Cooper talking to a transvestite)
%%
Tell those Marines to stop singing in the halls!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Tell ya what--You just start your countdown and ol' Buck'll be back
 before you can say 'blast-off!'
 -- Gen. Buck Turgidson, from Dr. Strangelove
%%
Tell your parents to be more careful next time.
%%
Tell yourself that a dull life is a sign of a fulfilled person.
%%
Tell you what. Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you...
 -- Beelzebub
%%
:TELNET: /tel'net/ vt. To communicate with another Internet host
   using the TELNET ({RFC} 854) protocol (usually using a program
   of the same name).  TOPS-10 people used the word IMPCOM, since that
   was the program name for them.  Sometimes abbreviated to TN
   /T-N/.  "I usually TN over to SAIL just to read the AP News."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Temperance. . .I call it the exercise of our faculties and organs in such a
manner as to combine the maximum of pleasure with the minimum of pain.
%%
Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause
of temperance.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Temper is what gets most of us into trouble.
 Pride is what keeps us there.
%%
Temper, temper.  You're showing your ignorance again.
%%
Tempest: (TEM)porary (PE)rsonnel (S)ecurity (T)est.
%%
Tempest: (TEM)-Wave (P)ropagation in (E)-Field (S)ite (T)esting.
%%
Tempest: That which occurs in Teapots.
%%
Tempest: (T)ransient (EMP) (EST)imates.
%%
Temporarily out of tag lines.....
%%
Temporary suspension of disbelief is a wonderful thing.
%%
Temporary sysop access granted!
%%
Temptation rarely comes in working hours. It is in their leisure time
 that men are made or marred.
 -- W. M. Taylor
%%
Tempt not a desperate man.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"
%%
Tempus fuget... et non cumbackabus!
%%
TENACITY, n.  A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to
the coin of the realm.  It attains its highest development in the hand
of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in
politics.  The following illustrative lines were written of a
Californian gentleman in high political preferment, who has passed to
his accounting:

    Of such tenacity his grip
    That nothing from his hand can slip.
    Well-buttered eels you may o'erwhelm
    In tubs of liquid slippery-elm
    In vain -- from his detaining pinch
    They cannot struggle half an inch!
    'Tis lucky that he so is planned
    That breath he draws not with his hand,
    For if he did, so great his greed
    He'd draw his last with eager speed.
    Nay, that were well, you say.  Not so
    He'd draw but never let it go!
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Tenaguitarskatoa
%%
Ten bucks is ten bucks.
 -- Geddy Lee
%%
TENCTONESE SPOKEN HERE!
%%
Ten decimals are sufficient to give the diameter of the earth to the
fraction of an inch.
 -- S. Newcomb
%%
Tenderfoot, Second Class, First Class, Star, Life, EAGLE!
%%
Tender-handed stroke a nettle,
  And it stings you for your pains;
Grasp it like a man of mettle,
  And it soft as silk remains.
 'T is the same with common natures:
  Use 'em kindly, they rebel;
But be rough as nutmeg-graters,
  And the rogues obey you well.
 -- Aaron Hill (1685-1750)
 -- Verses written on a window in Scotland
%%
Tenderness is the repose of Passion.
     Joseph Joubert
%%
:ten-finger interface: n. The interface between two networks that
   cannot be directly connected for security reasons; refers to the
   practice of placing two terminals side by side and having an
   operator read from one and type into the other.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ten little gigabytes, waiting on line
One caught a virus, then there were nine.
Nine little gigabytes, holding just the date,
Someone jambed a write-protect, then there were eight.
Eight little gigabytes, should have been eleven,
Then they cut the budget, now there are seven.
Seven little gigabytes, involved in mathematics
Stored an even larger prime, now there are six.
Six little gigabytes, working like a hive,
One died of overwork, now there are five.
Five little gigabytes, trying to add more
Plugged in the wrong lead, now there are four.
Four little gigabytes, failing frequently,
One used for spare parts, now there are three.
Three little gigabytes, have too much to do
Service man on holiday, now there are two.
Two little gigabytes, badly over run,
Took the work elsewhere, now just need one.
One little gigabyte, systems far too small
Shut the whole thing down, now there's none at all.
%%
Ten million sperm and his had to win.
 -- Valerie Landsburg
%%
Tennessee DOS: Ya'll reckon? (Yep/Nope)? _
%%
Tennessee foreplay: "Hey Maw, where's cousin Ellie Mae?"
%%
Tennis is irrelevant.
 -- Bjorn Borg
%%
TENNIS PLAYERS cannot play with balls all day long
%%
Tennis players do it in sets.
%%
Tennis players do it in their shorts.
%%
Tennis players do it with a racket.
%%
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
%%
Tennyson is a beautiful half of a poet.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.
 -- Napoleon I
%%
:tense: adj. Of programs, very clever and efficient.  A tense piece
   of code often got that way because it was highly {bum}med, but
   sometimes it was just based on a great idea.  A comment in a clever
   routine by Mike Kazar, once a grad-student hacker at CMU: "This
   routine is so tense it will bring tears to your eyes."  A tense
   programmer is one who produces tense code.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ten thousand years from now, the only story this civilization will
tell will be in its junk piles- so observe what is important!
 -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
Tent pegs..check..twine..check..tents..tents? TENTS! ARGH!
%%
:tenured graduate student: n. One who has been in graduate school
   for 10 years (the usual maximum is 5 or 6): a `ten-yeared'
   student (get it?).  Actually, this term may be used of any grad
   student beginning in his seventh year.  Students don't really get
   tenure, of course, the way professors do, but a tenth-year graduate
   student has probably been around the university longer than any
   untenured professor.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ten years after the Earth/Minbari war...
%%
Ten years of experience should add up to more than one year's experience
multiplied by ten.
%%
Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.
 -- R. Geis
%%
:teraflop club: /te'r*-flop kluhb/ [FLOP = Floating Point
   Operation] n. A mythical association of people who consume
   outrageous amounts of computer time in order to produce a few
   simple pictures of glass balls with intricate ray-tracing
   techniques.  Caltech professor James Kajiya is said to have been
   the founder.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Term, holidays, term, holidays,
till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
:terminak: /ter'mi-nak`/ [Caltech, ca. 1979] n. Any
   malfunctioning computer terminal.  A common failure mode of
   Lear-Siegler ADM 3a terminals caused the `L' key to produce the
   `K' code instead; complaints about this tended to look like
   "Terminak #3 has a bad keyboard.  Pkease fix."  See {AIDX},
   {Nominal Semidestructor}, {Open DeathTrap}, {ScumOS},
   {sun-stools}, {Telerat}, {HP-SUX}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:terminal brain death: n. The extreme form of {terminal illness}
   (sense 1).  What someone who has obviously been hacking
   continuously for far too long is said to be suffering from.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Terminal Emulation : Function performed by canines when commanded
to lie on their backs with legs in the air.
%%
Terminal Emulation -
lying stiffly on your back, with your hands folded across your chest.
%%
Terminal glare:  A look that kills...
%%
Terminal Illness:  Getting sick at the airport...
%%
:terminal illness: n. 1. Syn. {raster burn}.  2. The `burn-in'
   condition your CRT tends to get if you don't have a screen saver.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:terminal junkie: [UK] n. A {wannabee} or early {larval
   stage} hacker who spends most of his or her time wandering the
   directory tree and writing {noddy} programs just to get a fix of
   computer time.  Variants include `terminal jockey', `console
   junkie', and {console jockey}.  The term `console jockey'
   seems to imply more expertise than the other three (possibly
   because of the exalted status of the {{console}} relative to an
   ordinary terminal).  See also {twink}, {read-only
   user}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
terminal moraine: the last glacier you'll ever climb.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Terminal Wanderlust:
 A condition common to people of transient middle-class
upbringings. Unable to feel rooted in any one environment, they move
continually in the hopes of finding an idealized sense of community in
the next location.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Terminal - what most people have to be before consenting to see a doctor.
%%
Terminat hora diem; terminat auctor opus.
[(An) hour ends the day; (an) author ends his work.]
%%
Terminator 3: Bob With A Hockey Stick
%%
Terminator 4: The Sex Machine, And He's Comming!
%%
Terminator bumper sticker: I TIME TRAVEL NAKED.
%%
Terminator Spaghetti: pasta la vista, baby
%%
Terminator--The few, the proud, the machines
%%
Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a
surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one
hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other
hand were unwilling to risk offending God's grandmother.
 -- Len Cool, American Pie
%%
Termites've Have Eaten Thru To Your Top Layer
%%
:terpri: /ter'pree/ [from LISP 1.5 (and later, MacLISP)] vi. To
   output a {newline}.  Now rare as jargon, though still used as
   techspeak in Common LISP.  It is a contraction of `TERminate PRInt
   line', named for the fact that, on some early OSes and hardware, no
   characters would be printed until a complete line was formed, so
   this operation terminated the line and emitted the output.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
terra incognita. [Lat.] - [Unknown country]
%%
Terran insects.   Aerodynamically impossible for them to fly,
but they do it.  I'm rather fond of bumblebees.
 -- 4th Doctor, ROBOTS OF DEATH
%%
Terrell: "Chekov, are you sure these are the correct coordinates?"
Chekov: "Captain, this is the *garden spot* of Ceti Alpha VI!"
Terrell: "I can barely see it."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Terrell: "Chekov, who is this man?"
Chekov: "Criminal, Captain.  A product of late twentieth-century genetic
  engineering."
Terrell: "What do you want with us?  Sir, I demand to--"
Khan: "You are in a position to demand nothing, sir.  I, on the other hand, am
  in a position to grant nothing.  What you see is all that remains of the
  ship's company and crew of the Botany Bay, marooned here fifteen years ago by
  Captain James T. Kirk."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Terrell: "Get on the com-pick to Doctor Marcus.  Listen, maybe it's
something we
  can transplant, hmm?"
Chekov: "You *know* what she'll say."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Terrell: "I've never even met Admiral Kirk." Khan: "Admiral?  Admiral!
 Admiral...  Never told you how *Admiral* Kirk sent  seventy of us
into exile here on this barren sandheap with only the contents  of
these cargo bays to sustain us." Chekov: "You lie!  On Ceti Alpha
V there was life!  A fair chance!" Khan: "This is Ceti Alpha V!  Ceti
Alpha VI exploded six months after we were  left here.  The shock
shifted the orbit of this planet and everything was laid  waste. 
*Admiral* Kirk never bothered to check on our progress.  It was only
 the fact of my genetically engineered intellect that allowed us to
survive.  On Earth, two-hundred years ago, I was a prince, with power
over millions!" Chekov: "Captain Kirk was your host.  You repaid his
hospitality by trying to  steal his ship and murder him!"
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Terrell: "Listen, you men and women, you haven't--" Khan: "Captain,
Captain, Cap..."  [Laughs]  "Save your strength, Captain."  [Laughs]
 "These people have sworn to live and die at my command two hundred
 years before you were born.  Do you mean he never told you the tale?
 To amuse  your captain, no?  Never told you how the Enterprise picked
up the Botany Bay  lost in space from the year 1996, myself and the
ship's company in cryogenic  freeze."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Terrible as an army with banners.
 -- Old Testament
 -- The Song of Solomon vi, 4, 10
%%
Terribly pleased
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Territories. You would measure territories against a man's life?
 -- Tomalak to Picard, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
Terrorism: deadly violence against humans and other living things, usually
conducted by government against its own people.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Terrorist, n.: An individual who behaves like a government.
%%
TERRY Aki.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
TERRY GILLIAM PLAYED: PATSY (ARTHUR'S TRUSTY STEED), THE GREEN KNIGHT
                      SOOTHSAYER, BRIDGEKEEPER, SIR GAWAIN (THE FIRST TO BE
                      KILLED BY THE RABBIT)
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Terry Pratchett has a hatchet,
never even used once.
Until a publisher came along,
and called him a bit of a dunce.
%%
Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D.  He was a
pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city
until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian .... To him is
ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia absurdum est (I believe
because it is absurd).  This does not altogether accord with historical
fact, for he merely said:

     And the Son of God died, which is immediately credible because
     it is absurd.  And buried he rose again, which is certain
     because it is impossible.

Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of
philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it.
 -- C. G. Jung, in Psychological Types
%%
Tesseract now!
%%
Testators do it willingly.
%%
TEST
  Computer term. The name of every file that you can't think of a
  proper name for.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Tested on dolphins and assorted helpless furry creatures
%%
Tester I 'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack,
Base Phrygian Turk!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Testimony is like an arrow shot from a long bow; the force of it depends
on the strength of the hand that draws it.  Argument is like an arrow
from a cross-bow, which has equal force though shot by a child.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Testing
 a process for ensuring that the product will work in all
 circumstances that anybody other than the user can imagine
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Testing can show the presence of bugs, but not their absence.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Testing One... Fiftythree... fortytwo...
%%
Testing the emergency tagline stealing system. OK.
%%
Test makers do it:
 (a) sometimes
 (b) always
 (c) never
%%
:test: n. 1. Real users bashing on a prototype long enough to get
   thoroughly acquainted with it, with careful monitoring and followup
   of the results.  2. Some bored random user trying a couple of the
   simpler features with a developer looking over his or her shoulder,
   ready to pounce on mistakes.  Judging by the quality of most
   software, the second definition is far more prevalent.  See also
   {demo}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Test Question: Unix is written in Pascal.(T/F)
%%
test test test and retest
%%
Test. Test. T E S T !!! Is this thing on????
%%
Test the government, not the people; that's what democracy is all
 about.
 -- Abby Hoffman
%%
Test tube babies get a womb with a view.....
%%
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
%%
Tetchy and wayward.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
Tetsuo's kind see only the power of Western scientific
reductionism.  They wish to combine it with our discipline,
our traditional methods of competitive conformity.  With this
I fundamentally disagree.  What the West really has to offer--
the only thing it has to offer, my child-- is honesty.
%%
TET: Triple Execution Time [SUN]
%%
Teutonic [n] -- Not enough gin.
%%
Texan - "Ah got me four Cadillacs...one for each direction."
%%
TEXAN:
        A wet-back that didn't make Oklahoma.
%%
TEXANS do it with oil
%%
Texans just do it.  She it!
%%
Texas Barbecue, if you can taste the meat someone goofed.
%%
Texas is Hell on woman and horses.
 -- Wayne Oakes
%%
Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
%%
Texas math: .357 + .30x.30 + .44 = 0
%%
Texas -- the land of good-lookin' horses and fast women!
%%
Texas Toilet paper, it don't take s**t off anyone.
%%
TeX is Great and Knuth is its Prophet.
%%
TEX is potentially the most significant invention in typesetting in this
century.  It introduces a standard language for computer typography, and in
terms of importance could rank near the introduction of the Gutenberg press.
 -- Gordon Bell
%%
Tex SEX!  The HOME of WHEELS!  The dripping of COFFEE!!  Take me
 to Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
:text: n. 1. [techspeak] Executable code, esp. a `pure code'
   portion shared between multiple instances of a program running in a
   multitasking OS.  Compare {English}.  2. Textual material in the
   mainstream sense; data in ordinary {{ASCII}} or {{EBCDIC}}
   representation (see {flat-ASCII}).  "Those are text files;
   you can review them using the editor."  These two contradictory
   senses confuse hackers, too.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
one which cannot be justified on any other grounds.
 -- J. Finnegan
%%
T.F. Eccles
A froody dude who knows where his towel is.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
TFW is turning me into a Windows GEEK!
%%
TFW...It ain't done 'til GENERAL.SLT runs !
%%
Tg Ln Lite - 30% lss chrctrs
%%
Thaaaaaat's niiiiiice.
%%
Thad Cochran, Senator (Miss.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Th' adorning thee with so much art
  Is but a barb'rous skill;
'T is like the pois'ning of a dart,
  Too apt before to kill.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- The Waiting Maid
%%
Thales said there was no difference between life and death. "Why,
then," said some one to him, "do not you die?" "Because," said he,
"it does make no difference."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Thales, ix
%%
Thalia-Healing people & the planet through laughter.
%%
Than all Bocara's vaunted gold,
Than all the gems of Samarcand.
 -- Sir William Jones (1746-1794)
 -- A Persian Song of Hafiz
%%
Than a successive title long and dark,
Drawn from the mouldy rolls of Noah's ark.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 301
%%
Than catch and hold while I may, fast binde, fast finde.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
Thank Congress for the 1st 10 and the 14th !
%%
Thank God!!  A hobgoblin camp up ahead!  Maybe they can help heal our
 wounded!
%%
Thank God for Jay Miner.  Otherwise I'd be stuck with a Macintosh.
%%
Thank God for SysOps! But why do they DO IT?.<---DUMB Question!
%%
Thank God for tea! What would the world do without tea?--how did it
exist? I am glad I was not born before tea.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Recipe for Salad, p. 383
%%
Thank god for the `EFF'.. Last bastion of the resistant...
%%
Thank god for the Gatling gun.
%%
Thank god for water. If there was no water we couldn't learn how to
swim, and then we'd all drown.
%%
Thank God, I have done my duty.
Kiss me, Hardy.
 -- Adm. Horatio Nelson, 21 Oct 1805
%%
Thank God! I--I also--am an American!
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Completion of Bunker Hill Monument, June 17, 1843, p. 107
%%
Thank god!!..  It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the
 earth!
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Thank God you're here! We desperately need you!
Who, me sir? Mr. Thicky Black Thicky Adder Thicky?...Mr Hopelessly
  Drivelly Can't Write For Toffee Crappy Butler Weed?...Mr Brilliantly
  Undervalued Butler Who Hasn't Had a Raise in a Fortnight?
Take an extra thousand. Guineas? Per month?
...Alright, what's your problem?
The actors have turned out to be vicious anarchists! They intend
  to kill us all!
What - are they going to bore us to death?
 -- George and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future.
 -- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
%%
"Thank heaven.  A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, when told his son was getting married
%%
Thank heaven for little girls.
%%
Thank heaven for startups; without them we'd never have any advances.
 -- Seymour Cray
%%
Thank heavens, the sun has gone in, and I don't have to go out and
enjoy it.
 -- Logan Persall Smith (1865-1946)
%%
Thank me for not smoking.
%%
Thank me no thanks, nor proud me no prouds.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
THANKS ARE DUE TO JOHN SMITH FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT, AND
TO JOE ADAMS FOR VALUABLE ADVICE
John did the work and Joe explained its meaning to me
 -- Research definitions
%%
...Thanks, bridesmaid. Like the beard. Gives me something to...hang
  on to!!...
 -- Lord Flashheart : Bells
%%
Thanks but no money.
%%
 Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole.  Right now, all our assholes
 are busy.  After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll
 have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink.  I can't come to the phone
 right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number,
 then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to
 mind when you hear the following words:  orange...  mother...
 unicorn...  penis.  I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as
 soon as possible.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Thanks for not smoking, she breathed.
%%
Thanks for the tagline.  :-)
%%
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare.  They are consumed
in twelve minutes.  Halftimes take twelve minutes.  This is not a
coincidence.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to
 be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is
 way too often.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
:thanks in advance: [USENET] Conventional net.politeness ending a
   posted request for information or assistance.  Sometimes written
   `advTHANKSance' or `aTdHvAaNnKcSe' or abbreviated `TIA'.  See
   {net.-}, {netiquette}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Thanks, SYSOPs!!!
%%
Thanks to Clinton even the Dead pay taxes (and they aren't Grateful).
%%
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel
 from coast to coast without seeing anything.
 -- Charles Kuralt
%%
Thanks. You're like the drunken, abusive father I never had...
%%
Thank the 1st Amendment that this BBS exists.
%%
Thank the 1st Amendment that this echo exists.
%%
Thank the family of a soldier today!
%%
Thank you.
%%
Thank you. Alexander will not repeat this mistake.
 -- Worf
%%
Thank You -- Call Again.
%%
 Thank you for calling 434-2322.  If you wish to speak to Tim,
 push 1 on your touch tone phone now.  If you wish to speak to
 Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now.  If you have a wrong
 number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now.  All of this button
 pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off
 anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone
 system.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 Thank you for calling, no doubt,
 As you can guess, we're out.
 When we get home,
 We'll call on the phone.
 Until then, just hang about.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
 Thank you for calling Robert's House of Love.  All of our
 customer service representatives are, er...  busy servicing
 customers, so at the sound of the erotic tone, leave your name,
 number, and a short description of whatever turns you on...
     (or)
 Hello, you've reached Katie's Institution for the Preservation
 of Prostitution.  All of our operatives are busy right now, but
 if you leave your name, number and services required we will get
 back to you as soon as an opening is available...
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy.  No KG...  Er, no
 diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist
 tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of
 secrets you wish to sell.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
 Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline.  Father Durway's
 not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and
 confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as
 soon as possible.  And remember, confession doesn't count unless
 you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line.
 Prepare for Test 1.  Is this tone louder in your left ear or
 right ear?  ...  BEEP
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible.
 Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not...  er...  Bear
 a...  er...  Shalt not witness thy...  uh...  Neighbor's ass,
 Oh, I mean, false...  er...  Shalt not commit a bear...  Dern...
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline.  All of our operators
 are busy at the moment.  If you would like, leave a brief
 message after the tone, and someone will get back to you...
 When hell freezes over.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen.
 You stab 'em and we slab 'em.  We have specials on Mondays and
 Thursdays.  We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if
 you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to
 pick up the corpse as soon as possible.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Thank you for calling your credit union.
%%
Thank you for encouraging my behavior.
%%
Thank you for flying U.S.A.F. We hope that you will consider us again when
your travel plans next include bombing Tripoli.
%%
Thank you for giving me the pleasure of giving pleasure to you.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Thank you for holding your breath while I smoke.
%%
Thank you for making the last moments of my life socially awkward.
%%
Thank you for nothing.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
Thank you for not lecturing me about not smoking.
%%
Thank you for not mooning your host.
%%
Thank you for not smoking.
%%
Thank you for not trying to raise my consciousness
%%
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
%%
Thank you for onlining with Unix.
Be sure to patronize us again for your next fix.
%%
Thank you for Paris.
 -- Janice to Picard, "We'll Always Have Paris", stardate 41697.9
%%
 Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline.  Our
 operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a
 contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of
 your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get
 back to you shortly.  Your help will enable us to bring these
 delightful creatures back from the brink of fantasy and find
 them suitable positions in the forest product industry.  Your
 gift is, of course, reality deductible.  Thank you again, and
 have a nice day.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Thank you for pressing the self destruct button.
%%
 Thank you for reaching out to us.  Nobody is home now.  However,
 if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Thank you for reading this message!
%%
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book.  I'll waste no time
 reading it.
 -- Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a letter
%%
Thank you for shopping at S-Mart.
%%
Thank you for the tea and crumpets. I'll be on my way.
 -- Dr. Pulaski to Moriarty, "Elementary, Dear Data", stardate 42286.3
%%
Thank you for the wonderful tag line
%%
Thank you for trying to sell me something I don't want,
but I don't have any surplus hostility to vent. Could you
please come back at a worse time?
%%
Thank you, George, but if you don't mind I'd rather have my tongue
  beaten wafer-thin by a steak tenderiser and then stapled to the
  floor with a croquet hoop.
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
Thank you, good sir, I owe you one.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- The Poor Gentleman, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Thank you, it was delicious!
%%
Thank you very little.
%%
Thank you young crone. Here is a purse of monies...(crone holds her
  hand out expectantly)...which I'm not going to give to you.
 -- Edmund to crone : Bells
%%
  Than Timoleon's arms require,
And Tully's curule chair, and Milton's golden lyre.
 -- Mark Akenside (1721-1770)
 -- Ode, On a Sermon against Glory, Stanza ii
%%
Thar's Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale.
%%
Tha's a joke, son, a funny, dontcha geddit?
%%
That ain't so good English!
%%
That air and harmony of shape express,
Fine by degrees, and beautifully less.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Henry and Emma
%%
That a lie which is half a truth is ever the blackest of lies;
That a lie which is all a lie may be met and fought with outright;
But a lie which is part a truth is a harder matter to fight.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Grandmother, Stanza 8
%%
That all men are created equal is a proposition to which at
ordinary times no sane individual has ever given his assent.
 -- Aldous Huxley, "Proper Studies"
%%
That all men should live as brothers is the dream of someone who has no
 brothers.
%%
That all-softening, overpowering knell,
The tocsin of the soul,--the dinner bell.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto v, Stanza 49
%%
That arithmetic is the basest of all mental activities is proved by the
fact that it is the only one that can be accomplished by a machine.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
That ball was close. Close hell, look at this knot!!
%%
That ball was glued to his right foot, all the way to the back of the net.
%%
That be some righteous dub mon.
%%
That book in many's eyes doth share the glory
That in gold clasps locks in the golden story.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver
 -- Foghorn Leghorn
%%
That cause is strong, which has not a multitude,
but a strong man behind it.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
%%
That chastity of honour which felt a stain like a wound.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 332
%%
That component of any circuit which has the shortest service life
will be placed in the least accessible location.
%%
That concept looks like a chicken in a windstorm.
%%
That corner over by the fireplace looks kind of bare. I'd like to see
 something hanging there--you.
 -- Lou Costello
%%
That could never happen here.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
That could never happen to me.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
That creature has stolen the Aludium Q-36 Explosive Space Demodulator!
%%
That daffed the world aside,
And bid it pass.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
That darksome cave they enter, where they find
That cursed man, low sitting on the ground,
Musing full sadly in his sullein mind.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto ix, St. 35
%%
That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball.
%%
That device requiring the most service will be least accessable.
 -- The RPCISPE's Fifteenth Universal Law
%%
That disease
Of which all old men sicken,--avarice.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Roaring Girl, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
That does not compute.
%%
That eagle's fate and mine are one,
  Which on the shaft that made him die
Espied a feather of his own,
  Wherewith he wont to soar so high.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- To a Lady singing a Song of his Composing
%%
That earliest shock in one's life which occurs to all of us; which
first makes us think.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book i, Chap. v
%%
That execrable sum of all villanies commonly called a Slave Trade.
 -- John Wesley (1703-1791)
 -- Journal, Feb, 12, 1772
%%
That Farrow bloke you executed today. You sure he's dead?
I cut his head off. That usually does the trick.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Head
%%
That fellow would vulgarize the day of judgment.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- A Comic Author
%%
That field hath eyen, and the wood hath ears.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Knightes Tale, Line 1524
%%
That full star that ushers in the even.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet cxxxii
%%
That gems the starry girdle of the year.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 194
%%
That girl at the end of the bar wants you to know that she doesn't want to
know you!
%%
That God is not other than the universe...does not diminish God but rather
elevates the universe....those who choose to make an attempt to overcome
their egoism find their efforts aided by forces outside their conscious
control....the movement toward self-realization is inherent to the
structure of the universe....The Mayhayana Dharmakaya radiates love and
compassion to all, impersonally like the sun.
 -- David Loy
%%
That golden key
That opes the palace of eternity.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 13
%%
That good diffused may more abundant grow.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 443
%%
"That government is best which governs not at all."
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Civil Disobedience" 1849
%%
That government is best which governs the least, because its people
discipline themselves.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
That great brow
And the spirit-small hand propping it.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- By the Fireside, xxiii
%%
That great dust heap called 'history'"
 -- Birrel
%%
"That gum you like is going to come back in style."
 -- Twin Peaks
%%
That guy Ibid, he thinks he knows everything!
%%
That he is gentil that doth gentil dedis.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Wif of Bathes Tale, Line 6752
%%
That he is mad, 't is true: 't is true 't is pity;
And pity 't is 't is true.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
That hour, o' night's black arch the keystane.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
That if weak women went astray,
Their stars were more in fault than they.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Hans Carvel
%%
That individual who is habitually undecided is one who suffers from
 exhaustion and horror for life.
%%
That indolent but agreeable condition of doing nothing.
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book viii, Letter ix, 3
%%
That in our proper motion we ascend
Up to our native seat: descent and fall
To us is adverse.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 75
%%
That in the captain 's but a choleric word
Which in the soldier is flat blasphemy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
That is a good book which is opened with expectation and closed with profit.
 -- Amos Bronson Alcott, Table Talk
%%
That is as well said as if I had said it myself.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
That is a true proverb which is wont to be commonly quoted, that "all
had rather it were well for themselves than for another."
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act ii, Sc. 5, 15, (426.)
%%
That is a two part question ...
%%
That is how a Klingon lures a mate.
"Are you telling me to yell at Salia?"
No, no, no. Men do not roar. Women roar. Then they hurl heavy
  objects. And claw at you.
"What does the man do?"
He reads love poetry. He ducks a lot.
"Worf, it sounds like it works great for the Klingons, but...I
  think I need to try something a little less...dangerous?"
Go to her door, beg like a human.
 -- Worf and Wesley, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
That is, IF you can think of 50 tag lines....
%%
That is not a yes or no question.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle during a somewhat heated exchange with
                   reporters in 1988. Quayle indicated he would only accept
                   "yes or no" questions for the rest of the session.  Here,
                   he refuses to answer a question of whether he's offered to
                   take his name off of the ticket, 8/19/88
                   (reported in the Washington Post, 8/20/88, p. A6)
%%
That is not even the name of one of my relatives! STUDY!
Kazap Kazap !
%%
That is not the Usenet tradition, but it's a solidly-entrenched
 delusion now.
 -- Brian Kantor (brian@ucsd.edu)
%%
That isn't necessary, the ship will clean itself.
Well...good for the bloody ship.
 -- Riker and Brenna O'Dell, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
...That isn't very reassuring.
 -- Leia (Star Wars)
%%
"That is SO degrading to women!!!!"
"Why?  She has the whip."
 -- AbFab
%%
That is the dematerializing control, and that over yonder is the
 horizontal hold; up there is the scanner, those are the doors,
 and that is a chair with a panda on it.   Sheer poetry, dear boy.
 Now please stop bothering me.
 -- Doctor, The Time Meddler
%%
That is the key to history. Terrific energy is expended, civilizations are
built up, excellent institutions devised; but each time something goes wrong.
Some fatal flaw always brings the selfish and cruel people to the top, and then
it all slides back into misery and ruin. In fact, the machine conks. It seems
to start up all right and runs a few yards, and then it breaks down.
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at
 you.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
That is the total and absolute generalization ... well, almost.
%%
That is utterly preposterous.
%%
That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've
understood all your life, but in a new way.
 -- Doris Lessing, The Four-Gated City
%%
That is what you always say.
 -- J., The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
That it is unwise to be heedless ourselves while we are giving advice
to others, I will show in a few lines.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book i, Fable 9, 1
%%
That it shall hold companionship in peace
With honour, as in war.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Coriolanus
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
That it should come to this!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
That jewell'd mass of millinery,
That oil'd and curl'd Assyrian Bull.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Maud, Part i, Sect. vi, Stanza 6
%%
That knuckle-end of England,--that land of Calvin, oat-cakes, and sulphur.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 17
%%
That large utterance of the early gods!
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Hyperion, Book i
%%
That life is long which answers life's great end.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night v, Line 773
%%
That little white ball won't move 'til you hit it, and there's nothing you
 can do after it's gone.
 -- Babe Didrikson Zaharias
%%
That'll be $67.50  CCCCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!!!!
%%
That low man seeks a little thing to do,
    Sees it and does it;
This high man, with a great thing to pursue,
    Dies ere he knows it.
That low man goes on adding one to one,--
    His hundred 's soon hit;
This high man, aiming at a million,
    Misses an unit.
That has the world here--should he need the next,
    Let the world mind him!
This throws himself on God, and unperplexed
    Seeking shall find him.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Grammarian's Funeral
%%
That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
 -- (Sysop's note: and if so, what are we doing here?)
%%
That man. Just gotta love him, eh?
%%
That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man,
If with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Two Gentlemen of Verona
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the
most important of all the lessons of history.
 -- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963), Collected Essays
%%
That mistake will not be repeated. There are plenty of mistakes left that
haven't been tried yet.
 -- Andy Tanenbaum
%%
That money talks,
I'll not deny,
I heard it once,
It said "Good-bye.
 -- Richard Armour
%%
That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.
 -- Moliere
%%
That mythical island, whose inhabitants earned a precarious living by
 taking in each other's washing.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
That never set a squadron in the field,
Nor the division of a battle knows.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
That no compunctious visitings of nature
Shake my fell purpose.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
That no Italian priest
Shall tithe or toll in our dominions.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
That not in fancy's maze he wander'd long,
But stoop'd to truth, and moraliz'd his song.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 340
%%
That old bald cheater, Time.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- The Poetaster, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
That old man eloquent.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- To the Lady Margaret Ley
%%
That one tile you need to win at Shanghai is destined to be on the bottom.
%%
That only with propriety be styled refinement which, by strengthening
the intellect, purifies the manners.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
That parrot is definitely deceased.
%%
That peculiar disease of intellectuals, that infatuation with ideas at
the expense of experience that compels experience to conform to bookish
preconceptions.
%%
That person is a couple of tapes short of a full backup...
%%
That person lacks wisdom who reaches down to tie their
 shoelace when walking through the neighbor's watermelon patch.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
That person who falls in love with self alone, falls in love with one of
 the meanest mortals known.
%%
That person who is so totally insured that only "acts of God" will not be
 covered will soon be shocked to find out the many things God can do.
%%
That politics has a bearing on business confidence is unproven.
 -- Mark Epernay
%%
That possession was the strongest tenure of the law.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Cat and the two Birds, Chap. v, Fable iv
%%
That power
Which erring men call Chance.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 587
%%
That practis'd falsehood under saintly shew,
Deep malice to conceal, couch'd with revenge.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 122
%%
That proverbial saying, "Ill news goes quick and far."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Inquisitiveness
%%
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to,
or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you
should have gotten.
 -- Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor)
%%
That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile long!
%%
That Rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide!
%%
That race was all about competition.
 -- David Coleman, ITV
%%
That raven on yon left-hand oak
(Curse on his ill-betiding croak!)
  Bodes me no good.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Farmer's Wife and the Raven
%%
 That ready wit, which you so partially allow me, ... may create
many admirers; but, take my word for it, it makes few friends.  It
shines and dazzles like the noonday sun, but, like that, too, it is
very apt to scorch, and therefore is always feared.  The milder
morning and evening light and heat of that planet soothe and calm our
minds.  Never seek for wit; if it present itself, well and good; but
even then, let your judgement interpose, and take care that it be not
at the expense of anybody.
 -- Philip Dormer Stanhope, 4th earl of Chesterfield, 1749
%%
That reverend vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that
vanity in years.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
That road which is the sole road
 which leads to the greatest tourist attraction in the area can only be
 repaired during the busiest three weeks of the entire tourist season.
 Repairs are to be done in such a manner that the maximum amount of time is
 required to cover the minimum amount of distance. Slow moving vehicles
 shall be deployed to best advantage to slow traffic in both directions
 simultaneously at all points of repair. A minimum of one person per repair
 mile shall be employed to engage in sun-bath work and no other. Two others
 by the same ratio, shall be employed to watch for anyone riding on square
 wheels, which shall be duly reported at the end of the month to the
 contractor. On days which precede and follow national holidays, at least
 two vehicles shall be used to break down, so that traffic comes to a
 complete standstill for as long as possible.
 -- Previously Unwritten Rule Department
%%
That rodent's go' a viscious streak a mile wide!
%%
That's about as serious as I get! [GRIN]
%%
That's about like jumping out of an airplane, planning to sew your
parachute on the way down.
 -- Dwayne Foley
%%
That's about the sum of it.
%%
That's a damned lie!  We must die anyway.
 -- W.H. Auden
%%
That's Adolph Hitler!  He was the leader of the runner up in WWII.
%%
That's a good idea, Jim, but syrup won't stop 'em.
%%
That's a great answer, now what was my question again?
%%
That's all Folks.
%%
That's all life is -- one big word game.
Don't lie to yourself about it anymore.
P.S. You are now enlightened.
 -- Carl Frederick, "est:  Playing the Game the New Way"
%%
That's all we needed... a Druish princess!
%%
That's always the way when you discover
something new; everyone thinks you're crazy.
 -- Evelyn E. Smith
%%
"That's an engineer on his work term. He's sawing pipes, then soldering
them back together again...He'll do that 10 times to make the pipe
shorter."
 -- J. MacKay Statistics 332
%%
That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?
 -- Pick up line
%%
That 's a perilous shot out of an elder-gun.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
That's as may be, it's *still* a frog.
%%
That's a smug aura of respectability you see in a mirror?
%%
That's a super-conducting magnet isn't it?
 -- Salia, "The Dauphin", stardate 42568.8
%%
That's Australian for BBS, mate.
%%
That saying which I hear commonly repeated,--that time assuages sorrow.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act iii, Sc. 1, 12, (421.)
%%
That's Bond, James Bond, double-oh-seven..
%%
That's cause droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they
lose.  Wookies are known to do that.
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
That's core for the parse.
%%
That's disgusting, but funny.
%%
That's easy for him to say!
%%
That secret pact you made back when your love could save you
from the tenderness.
%%
That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
%%
That segment of the community with which one has the
greatest sympathy as a liberal inevitably turns out to be
one of the most narrow-minded and bigoted segments of the
community.
 -- Levy's Third Law
Nice guys don't finish nice.
 -- Kelly's Reformation
%%
That's enough, Data!
%%
That's enough procedures for one day.
%%
That's entertainment!
 -- Vlaad the Impaler
%%
That's funny; I never have any trouble with service when I'm shopping.
 -- K. Kong
%%
That's funny, the damage doesn't look as bad from out here.
%%
That's funny, you don't LOOK Druish....
%%
That's 'GRATE Expectations,' also by Edmund Wells.
%%
That's [growing old] been happening to men and women for a long time.
  I've got the feeling it's one of the pleasanter things about being
  human, as long as you grow old together.
 -- Zefrem Cochrane, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3220.3.
%%
That she won the game startled me cold. The way she won, the pattern of her
thought on the chessboard, charmed me warm again and then some.
 -- Richard Bach, Thoughts of Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever
%%
That shoe fits him like a glove.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
That's impossible, and besides he doesn't like it.
%%
That's impossible, even with a computer!
 -- Rebel fighters response
 -- to briefing the attack on the death star (Star Wars)
%%
That's inches away from being millimetre perfect.
%%
That, Sir, is the good of counting. It brings everything to a certainty,
which before floated in the mind indefinitely.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
That's it then!  Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans; no more
merciful beheadings; and call off Christmas!
 -- Sheriff of Nottingham, "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves", movie
%%
That's just a fluke.  Holy mackeral!
%%
That's just what we call pillow talk Baby.
 -- Ash.
%%
That's kind of like my goal; to get naked with Robert Redford and to have a
 huge hit record.
 -- Sheena Easton
%%
That's life for you, said McDunn.  Someone always waiting for someone
who never comes home.  Always someone loving something more than that
thing loves them.  And after awhile you want to destroy whatever that
thing is, so it can't hurt you no more.
 -- Ray Bradbury, "The Fog Horn"
%%
That's life in the food chain.
%%
That's life.
What's life?
A magazine.
How much does it cost?
Two-fifty.
I only have a dollar.
That's life.
%%
That's like fluffing the pillows on the Titanic
%%
That's like talking to Vila -- a complete waste of time....
 -- Avon
%%
That's Mr. C to you bub!
 -- C Error #013
%%
That's my baby in the White Boots.
%%
"That's my wallet you're fondling"
"I know!  I know!"
%%
That's no moon...
 -- Obi-wan Kenobi
%%
That's no rumor - it's an unconfirmed fact!
%%
That's not a bug. It's a creature.
 -- John S. Quarterman
%%
That's not a bug! it's a Free Enhanced Feature!
%%
That's not a bug! it's an undocumented feature!
%%
That's not a bug! It's a seldom-used, undocumented feature!
%%
That's not a bug! It's supposed to do that.
%%
:That's not a bug, that's a feature!: The {canonical} first
   parry in a debate about a purported bug.  The complainant, if
   unconvinced, is likely to retort that the bug is then at best a
   {misfeature}.  See also {feature}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
That's not a bug, that's merely an idiosyncrasy.
 -- mattb
%%
That's not a lie, it's a terminological inexactitude.
 -- Alexander Haig
%%
'That's not a meal that's an autopsy!'
 -- Cat
%%
"That's not a regular rule: you invented it just now."
"It's the oldest rule in the book," said the King.
"Then it ought to be Number One," said Alice.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
That's not a tagline. It's Odo.
 -- Sisko
%%
That's not funny, that's sick!
 -- National Lampoon
%%
That's not line noise -- my modem is speaking in tongues!
%%
That's not my stomach, my stomach is this basketball shaped thing that
holds my pants up.
 -- Doodle, American Eagle in Roger Ramjet
%%
That 's not the middle of the street, that 's the corner.
%%
That's not true! Lord Nelson's got a vote!
He's got a _boat_, Baldrick...
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
That's not writing, that's typing!
 -- Truman Capote
%%
That's odd.  That's very odd.  Wouldn't you say that's very odd?
%%
That soft bastard Latin,
Which melts like kisses from a female mouth.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Beppo, Stanza 44
%%
That's okay, my mother didn't BEAR me either!
%%
That's one small step for [a] man; one giant leap for mankind.
 -- Neil Armstrong (1930-)
 -- First words spoken by a man walking on the moon, 20 July 1969
%%
That's one thing about these babies. They never learned to read.
 -- Joe Patroni
%%
That's only true because it's true.
%%
That's racing...
%%
That's rich coming from Miss Yo-yo knickers.
 -- Lister to his female counterpart in Red Dwarf
                 'Parallel Universe'
%%
That's right friends we got tribble!  Right here in River City!
%%
That's right! Lord Kazak, himself, is here!
%%
That's right, try hard to be good at the game of life.
%%
That's right, yes, you're going, you're gone for ages,
already gone, you're still here, just arrived, haven't even met
you yet.  It all depends on who you are and how you look at it.
Strange business, time.
 -- Doctor, Dragonfire
%%
That's solid.  There, you see how much I learned.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle when when visiting a welding
                   class at a vocational school in Union, Missouri. He welded
                   two scraps of metal together to demonstrate how much he
                   had learned while in the National Guard.
                   (reported in the NY Times, 10/25/88)
%%
Thats some bad juju, man.
 -- R. Marcinko
%%
That's stronger than a garlic milkshake.
%%
That's SULTAN Vile Betrayer to you.
 -- Iago, Aladdin.
%%
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world!
Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
 -- Calvin
%%
That's the effect of living backwards: it always makes one a little giddy at
first, but there's one great advantage in it, that one's memory works both
ways.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
That's the Heimlich manuever, NOT the Heinekin manuever.
%%
That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
%%
That's the nuttiest idea you've had, Counselor.
 -- Geordi
%%
That's the point, Group Captain.   It isn't even remotely human.
 -- Doctor, Remembrance of the Daleks
%%
That's the problem with believing in a supernatural being. Trying to
  determine what he wants.
 -- Troi, "Who Watches the Watchers, stardate 43173.5
%%
 That's the problem with tradition, it's always dated.
 -- Curt George Siffert
%%
That's the remarkable thing about life. No matter how bad it gets it
    can always get worse.
 -- Calvin
%%
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....
 -- Charlie Brown (by Charles Schulz)
%%
That's the silliest thing I've every heard.
%%
That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang..
%%
That's the thing about people who think they hate computers.  What they
really hate is lousy programmers.
 -- Larry Niven and Jerry E. Pournelle "Oath of Fealty" (1981)
%%
That's the trouble with directors - always biting the hand that lays
the golden egg.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
"That's the trouble with godhood: it robs you of your finer judgement.
 A deity so rarely has to *pay* for his mistakes!"
 -- The Midgard Serpent analyzes mythic concepts...
%%
"That's the trouble with `mindless slaves'... they're, well, *mindless*!"
 -- Dr. Quest points out those little problems with world domination.
%%
That's the trouble with this country. The whole place is filled with
penniless patriots.
 -- Rosa Bombolini
%%
That's the true harbinger of spring, not crocuses or swallows
returning to Capistrano, but the sound of a bat on a ball.
 -- Bill Veeck
%%
That's the way the veal cutlets.
%%
That's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it.
%%
That 's the wise thrush; he sings each song twice over,
Lest you should think he never could recapture
The first fine careless rapture.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Home-Thoughts from Abroad, ii
%%
That such have died enables us
  The tranquiler to die;
That such have lived, certificate
  For immortality.
 -- Emily Dickinson
%%
That's user, u s r, and then there's a space ...
%%
That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how
we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it
that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious
way, is winning.
 -- Richard Bach, note written by Leslie Parrish, The Bridge Across
 -- Forever
%%
"That's what this country needs -- just a little
 more light cast in the right places."
 -- From OUTLANDER
%%
That's when Bob realized it was a daymare!
%%
That's Whitewater investigation Janet, not white wash.
%%
That's Why God Invented Grenade Launchers!
%%
Thats why I was running the debugger, I didn't want it to crash.
 -- Aaron Wohl
%%
That's why they pay me the big bucks.
%%
That tagline is true --->   <--- That tagline is false
%%
That takes the cake -- and eats it, too.
%%
That tendency to err that programmers have been noticed to share
with other human beings has often been treated as if it were an awkwardness
attendant upon programming's adolescence, which like acne would disappear
with the craft's coming of age. It has proved otherwise.
 -- Mark Halpren
%%
That that is is not that that is not.
%%
That that is, is.
 -- Oxymoron
%%
That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot
change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.
%%
That the gods superintend all the affairs of men, and that there are
such beings as daemons.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Plato, xlii
%%
...that the notions of "hardware", and "software" should be extended
by the notion of LIVEWARE - being that which produces software for use
on hardware.  This produces an obvious extension to the concept of
MONITORS.  A liveware monitor is a person dedicated to the task of
ensuring that the liveware does not interfere with the real-time
processes, invoking the REAL-TIME EXECUTIONER to delete liveware that
adversely affects ...
 -- Linden and Wihelminalaan
%%
 that there are too many "Thou Shalt
Not"s and not enough "Thou Shalt"s.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
That there should one Man die ignorant who had capacity for Knowledge,
this I call tragedy... The miserable fraction of Science which our
United Mankind, in a wide universe of Nescience, has acquired, why is
not this, with all diligence, imparted to all?
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
That this gentleman [President John Adams] ought not to be the object
of the federal wish, is, with me, reduced to demonstration.  His administration
has already very materially disgraced and sunk the government.  There
are defects in his character which must inevitably continue to do
this more and more.  And if he is supported by the federal party,
his party must in the issue fall with him.
 -- Alexander Hamilton, Letter to Charles Carroll, July 1, 1800
%%
That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom, and
that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall
not perish from the earth.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
 -- Speech at Gettysburg, Nov. 19, 1863
%%
That though on pleasure she was bent,
  She had a frugal mind.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- History of John Gilpin
%%
That time of year thou may'st in me behold,
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,--
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lxxiii
%%
That to live by one man's will became the cause of all men's misery.
 -- Richard Hooker (1553-1600)
 -- Ecclesiastical Polity, Book i
%%
That tower of strength
Which stood four-square to all the winds that blew.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Ode on the Death of the Duke of Wellington, Stanza 4
%%
That to which you give your attention grows stronger in your life.
 -- Jeff Chance
%%
That truth cannot be material in any respect, is contrary to the nature
of things.  No tribunal, no codes, no systems can repeal or impair this
law of God, for by his eternal laws it is inherent in the nature of
things ... It is evident that if you cannot apply this mitigated
doctrine for which I speak ... you must for ever remain ignorant of
what your rulers do.  I can never think this ought to be; I never did
think the truth was a crime; I am glad the day is come in which it is to
be decided; for my soul has ever abhorred the thought, that a free man
dared not speak the truth.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
That unit is a woman.
A mass of conflicting impulses.
 -- Spock and Nomad, "The Changeling," stardate 3541.9
%%
That unlettered small-knowing soul.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
That user posesses corbomite devices, flame at your own risk.
%%
That very law which moulds a tear
And bids it trickle from its source,--
That law preserves the earth a sphere,
And guides the planets in their course.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- On a Tear
%%
That virtue only makes our bliss below,
And all our knowledge is ourselves to know.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 397
%%
That virtue was sufficient of herself for happiness.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Plato, xlii
%%
That was a favor I did you?
%%
That was always the difference between Muhammed Ali and the rest of
us. He came, he saw, and if he didn't entirely conquer-he came as
close as anybody we are likely to see in the lifetime of this doomed
generation.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist
 -- Last Tango in Vegas: Fear and Loathing in the Far Room, Rolling
Stone (May 18, 1978)
%%
That was a message?  I thought it was modem noise.
%%
That was a pointing device? My cat thought it was dinner.
%%
That was, as I'm sure you realized, only elf funny.
%%
That was a strategic target, which I prefer to call a strategic target.
%%
That was definitely the LAST bug!
%%
That was my virgin alarm.  Its programed to go off before you do!
%%
That was not a request I was simply...talking to myself. A human
  idiosyncrasy, triggered by a fascination with a particular set of facts,
  or sometimes brought about by senility, or used as a means of weighing
  information before reaching a conclusion, or as a -
Thank you sir, I comprehend.
 -- Data and the ENTERPRISE computer, "Conspiracy", stardate 41775.5
%%
That wasn't telepathy, that was common sense.
%%
That was simply transmigration of object.   There's a great deal
   of difference between that and pure science, you know.
 -- Third Doctor, AMBASSADORS OF DEATH
%%
That was so fast, can you show me one more time?
 -- Troi
%%
That was so funny, I laughed 'till I stopped.
%%
That was the beer that made Mel Faymee walk us!
%%
...that was the first thing I had to learn about her, and maybe the
hardest I've ever learned about anything--that she is her own, and what she
gives me is of her choosing, and the more precious because of it. Sometimes
a butterfly will come to sit in your open palm, but if you close your hand,
one way or the other, it--and its choice to be there--are gone.
 -- Barbara Hambly, Spoken by John Aversin, Dragonsbane
%%
That was then and this is NOW!
%%
That was the stun setting. <bleep> This is not.
 -- Data, "The Ensigns of Command", stardate unknown
%%
That was Zen, this is Tao.
 -- Peter da Silva, April 24, 1993
%%
That we can comprehend the little we know already is mindboggling
in itself.
 -- Tom Gates
%%
That we devote ourselves to God, is seen
In living just as though no God there were.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Paracelsus, Part i
%%
That we don't have a caffeine-making gland, proves there is no God.
%%
That well by reason men it call may
The daisie, or els the eye of the day,
The emprise, and floure of floures all.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Prologue of the Legend of Good Women, Line 183
%%
That when a man fell into his anecdotage, it was a sign for him to retire.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Lothair, Chap. xxviii
%%
``That which can never be enforced should not be prohibited. The claim that a
person should have only one pseudonym per forum indicates profound
misunderstanding.  If someone wants to have multiple ... pseudonyms, they will
be able to; that is one of the main goals of cypherpunks software.  The
situations you despise will occur.  This is reality.  Change your own
psychology or change your own software.  You will not be able to change the
other person.''
 -- E.Hughes, cofounder, Cypherpunks
%%
That which comes after ever conforms to that which has gone before.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 45
%%
That which does not kill me does not kill me.
%%
That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast.
%%
That which does not kill me makes me smarter.
%%
That which does not kill me makes me smarter,
except for oxygen deprivation
%%
That which does not kill me...probably missed!
%%
That which does not kill us had better watch its back!
%%
That which does not kill us powers up our weapons.
%%
That which goes contrary to the prevailing taste is, for me, the most
precious of things.... Whatever is scorned, despised or not understood
by the society in which one lives has prospects for the future.
 -- Andre Masson (1896-?)
%%
That which has not been taught directly can never be taught directly.
%%
That which is bright rises twice:
The image of Fire.
Thus the great man, by perpetuating this brightness,
Illumines the four quarters of the world.
%%
That which is good to be done, cannot be done too soon; and if it is neglected
to be done early, it will frequently happen that it will not be done at all.
 -- Bishop Mant
%%
That which is not forbidden is mandatory.
%%
That which is now a horse, even with a thought
The rack dislimns, and makes it indistinct,
As water is in water.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 14
%%
That which is static and repetitive is boring.
That which is dynamic and random is confusing.
In between lies art.
 -- John A. Locke
%%
That which is used develops.
That which is not used wastes away.
 -- Hippocrates (460?-377? B.C.)
%%
That which is won ill, will never wear well, for there is a curse
attends it, which will waste it; and the same corrupt dispositions which
incline men to the sinful ways of getting, will incline them to the like
sinful ways of spending.
 -- Matthew Henry
%%
That which makes the man no worse than he was makes his life no worse:
it has no power to harm, without or within.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 8
%%
That which ordinary men are fit for, I am qualified in; and the best
of me is diligence.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often
becomes the height of wisdom in another.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
That which we acquire with the most difficulty we retain the longest;
as those who have earned a fortune are usually more careful with
it than those who have inherited one.
 -- Colton
%%
That which we call sin in others is experiment for us.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly.
%%
That which yesterday was reviled today becomes cultural consumer-goods,
 consumption thus engulfs what was intended to give meaning and direction.
 -- H. Lefebvre
%%
That will depend, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles or
your mistress.
 -- John Wilkes
%%
That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say No in any of
them.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
That would hang us, every mother's son.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
That would have made Quintilian stare and gasp.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- On the Detraction which followed upon my writing certain Treatises
%%
That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.
%%
That would make an excellent mini-golf course.
%%
That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is
remarkable.  Amid all the scolding, to be able to think!  But he could not
write: that was impossible.  Socrates has not left us a single book.
 -- Heine
%%
That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people
by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing
what you know is wrong.
 -- William J.H. Boetcker
%%
That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life
forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid
meeting.
 -- Marvin, _Life, the Universe, and Everything_ by Douglas Adams
%%
The 100% American is 99% an idiot.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The 10 Commandments contain 297 words.   The Bill of Rights is stated in
 463 words.  Lincon's Gettysburg Address contains 266 words.  A recent
 federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words.
 -- The Atlanta Journal
%%
The 10 million byte flamethrower.
%%
The 10th Doctor will be played by Elvis Presley.
%%
The 1890s were the gay '90s.  The 1990s are the Gay '90s.
%%
The $1.98 funeral--naturally that's not an elaborate ceremony. In fact,
 they don't bury you for that. They put you in a plain brown envelope and
 mail you out of town. For an extra fifty cents they'll have the postal
 clerks hum a hymn as you go through the cancellation.
 -- Pat Buttram
%%
The 1st person to raise their fist, just ran out of ideas
%%
The 1-tick-per-second clock of UNIX is good only until January 18,
2038, assuming word lengths don't increase by then.
%%
The 2,000-year-old Man's Secrets of Longevity

 1. Don't run for a bus--there'll always be another.
 2. Never, ever touch fried food.
 3. Stay out of a Ferrari or any other small Italian car.
 4. Eat fruit--a nectarine--even a rotten plum is good.
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
The 20/80 Law: 20 percent of the customers account for 80 percent
of the turnover, 20 percent of the components account for 80 percent
of the cost, and so forth.
 -- Vilfredo Pareto
%%
The 20th century pharoes have the slaves demanding work.
%%
The 23:00 News and Mail Service
%%
The 2nd Amendment is alive and well in Massachusettes...
%%
The 3 men I admire the most: The Father, The Son & The Holy Spirit.
%%
The 3 types of men: 1) Intelligent 2) Nice Looking 3) You
%%
The 486 is to a modern CPU as a Jules Verne reprint is to a modern SF novel.
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
The 486SX: Intel's test of your gullibility.
%%
The 4 Cat Food Groups: Dry, Canned, Natural, Yours.
%%
The 80986 will complete instructions before it gets them!
%%
The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
%%
The 90's are going to make the 60's look like the 50's.
%%
The 94/95 NHL season begins on October 1st. Are you prepared?
%%
The ABCs of Appliance Repair:

a) At the first sign of electrical or mechanical trouble, gently wipe the
  outside of the appliance with a damp cloth.  This should correct the problem.
b) If that doesn't work, don't do anything.  Appliances will often repair
  themselves if allowed plenty of rest.  Make the appliance comfortable and do
  not disturb for a couple of days.  This should correct the problem.
c) An appliance responds to a caring attitude.   Show that you understand its
  feelings and that you are going to try to be more sensitive to its needs in
  the future.
d) Don't take the appliances moods too seriously.  Most bad behavior is just an
  attempt to get your attention.
e) If the problem still persists, a direct threat (like holding the appliance
  over the toilet) will help reestablish your authority.
f) All mechanical adjustments can be easily made with one simple, all-purpose
  tool: a claw hammer.   This should correct the problem.
 -- "Sunday Magazine"
%%
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.
 -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary
 -- to Queen Victoria 1873.
%%
The ability of our people to deceive themselves is the highest art of
the nation.
%%
The ability of two men to put on gloves, stand toe-to-toe, and pummel each
 other into insensibility... is what separates us from the animals.
 -- Jim, on Taxi
%%
The ability to accept responsibility is the measure of the man.
 -- Roy L. Smith
%%
The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.
 -- Jane Wagner
%%
The ability to get to the verge of war without getting into war is the
 necessary art. If you cannot master it, you inevitably get into wars. If
 you try to run away from it, if you are scared to go to the brink, you are
 lost.
 -- John Foster Dulles
%%
The ability to learn faster than your competition
 may be the only sustainable advantage.
 -- Arie de Gues
%%
The ability to make love frivolously is the thing which distinguishes
human beings from the beasts.
 -- Heywood Broun
%%
The ability to say no is one of the greatest gifts any parent can have.
 Well, unless you count the ability to stay with this position in spite of
 all the requests that are made for reconsideration.
%%
The ablest men marry the prettiest girls.
%%
The above garble is brought to you by me.
%%
The above material was private and confidential, so you should not read it!
 Thank you for your cooperation.
%%
The above opinion is worth 2 cents.
%%
The above ruminations are my own.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The above text gave six NSA cryptographers fits!
%%
The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
The absence of labels [in ECL] is probably a good thing.
 -- T. Cheatham
%%
The absent are always in the wrong.
%%
The absent are like children, helpless to defend themselves.
 -- Charles Reade
%%
The absent are never without fault. Nor the present without excuse.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The absolute definite best way to catch a fish: have somebody throw it to you.
%%
The abstract means nothing to me!
 -- Rorschach.
%%
The absurd is the essential concept of the first truth.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
 -- The Myth of Sisyphus (1955)
%%
The absurd vanity of metaphysicians who like to imagine that they create the
world by thinking about it.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The abundance of things engenderth disdaifulness.
 -- Proverb
%%
The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
%%
The Abysmal repeated.
If you are sincere, you have success in your heart,
And whatever you do succeeds.
%%
The abyss is dangerous.
One should strive to attain small things only.
%%
The abyss is not filled to overflowing,
It is filled only to the rim.
No blame.
%%
The accessibility, during recovery of small parts that fall from the workbench,
varies directly with the size of the part -- and inversely with
its importance to the completion of work underway.
 -- The First Spare Parts Principle
%%
The accident happened when the right front door of a car came around the
 corner without giving any signal.
%%
The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid
 by steering it into the other vehicle.
%%
The accusing spirit, which flew up to heaven's chancery with the oath,
blushed as he gave it in; and the recording angel as he wrote it down
dropped a tear upon the word and blotted it out forever.
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Tristram Shandy, Vol. vi, Chap. viii
%%
The ACLU has stood foursquare against the recurring tides of hysteria that
from time to time threaten freedoms everyhere... Indeed, it is difficult
to appreciate how far our freedoms might have eroded had it not been for the
Union's valiant representation in the courts of the constitutional rights
of people of all persuasions, no matter how unpopular or even despised
by the majority they were at the time.
 -- former Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren
%%
The ACLU...unraveling the moral fiber of America!!!
%%
The acronym formed by the first letters of the phrase
"GLOBAL OZONE DEPLETION" is GOD.
%%
...the Acting Returning Officer, Mr Edmund Blackadder, and we're
  all very grateful indeed that he stepped in at the last moment
  when the previous Returning Officer accidentally brutally stabbed
  himself in the stomach while shaving.
 -- Vincent Hannah : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
The action of Russia... is a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
 -- Radio broadcast, London, October 1, 1939
%%
The actions of your companion or close allies will help you to make
an important decision.
%%
The act of painting is not a duplication of experience but the extension of
experience on the plane of formal invention.
 -- Stuart Davis
%%
The actor who took the role of King Lear played the king as though he
expected someone to play the ace.
 -- Eugene Field
%%
The acts of this life are the destiny of the next.
%%
The actual theory is that all life forms evolved from the lower levels
  to the more advanced stages.
 -- Spock, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield," stardate 5730.2.
%%
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.
 -- Clifton Fadiman
%%
The adjuration to be "normal" seems shockingly repellent to me; I see neither
hope nor comfort in sinking to that low level.   I think it is ignorance that
makes people think of abnormality only with horror and allows them to remain
undismayed at the proximity of "normal" to average and mediocre.  For surely
anyone who achieves anything is, essentially, abnormal.
 -- Dr. Karl Menninger, "The Human Mind", 1930
%%
The Administration virus
  Fragments the hard disk into unattached clusters, each of
  which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be
  the most important part of the machine.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The advancement and diffusion of knowledge is the only guardian
of true liberty.
 -- James Madison, 4th U.S. President
%%
The advancement of the arts, from year to year, taxes our credulity and
seems to presage the arrival of that period when human improvement must end.
 -- Henry Elsworth, US Patent Office, 1844
%%
The advance of science can be measured by the rate at which
exceptions to previously held laws accumulate.
    Corollaries:
1. Exceptions always outnumber rules.
2. There are always exceptions to established exceptions.
3. By the time one masters the exceptions, no one recalls
the rules to which they apply.
 -- First Law of Scientific Progress
%%
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times
 the same good things for the first time.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to
despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving.
 -- Russell Green
%%
The advantage of being celibate is that when one sees a pretty girl one does
not need to grieve over having an ugly one back home.
 -- Paul Leautaud
%%
The advantage of keeping family accounts is clear. If you do not keep them,
 you are uneasily aware of the fact that you are spending more than you are
 earning. If you do keep them, you know it.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
The advantage of modern means of communication is that they enable
you to worry about things in all parts of the world.
%%
The Adventures of WIN.INI the Pooh - by W. Gates.
%%
The adverb always follows the verb.
%%
The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The Advertising Agency Song:

When your client's hopping mad,
Put his picture in the ad.
If he still should prove refractory,
Add a picture of his factory.
%%
The advice of their elders to young men is very apt to be as unreal as a
 list of the hundred best books.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
The advice that means the most to me right now was not delivered directly
 to me. It's something I read that Fred Astaire said about his dance
 routines: "Get it 'til it's perfect, then cut two minutes."
 -- Susan Stamberg
%%
The advice you give a kid is considered dumb until he gets the same advice
from another kid.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson.
%%
The affections are like lightening; you cannot tell where they will
strike till they have fallen.
 -- Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
%%
The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.
 -- Cousin Woodman
%%
The age is grown so picked that the toe of the peasant comes so near
the heel of the courtier, he galls his kibe.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
"'The age of chivalry is past,' said May Dacre.  'Bores have succeeded to
dragons.'"
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
The age of innocent faith in science and technology may be over. Every major
advance in the technological competence of man has enforced revolutionary
changes in the economic and political structure of society.
 -- Barry Commoner
%%
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the
 urge to throw a snowball.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
The agnostics prayer: O God, if there is a god, save
my soul, if I have a soul
 -- Ernest Renan (1823-1890)
%%
"The agreement of so many kinds of animals in a certain common structure,
which seems to be fundamental not only in their skeletons, but also
in the arrangement of the other parts - so that a wonderfully simple
typical form, by the shortening and lengthening of some parts, and
by the suppression and development of others, might be able to produce
an immense variety of species - allows a ray of hope, however faint,
to enter our minds, that here perhaps some result may be obtained,
by the application of the principle of the mechanism of nature (without
which there can be no natural science in general).  This analogy of
forms, which with all their differences seem to have been produced
in accordance with a common prototype, strengthens our suspicions
of an actual blood-relationship between them in their derivation from
a common parent through the gradual approximation of one class of
animals to another - beginning with the one in which the principle
of purposiveness seems to be best authenticated, ie. man, and extending
down to the polyps, and from these even down to mosses and lichens,
and arriving finally at raw matter, the lowest stage of nature observable
by us."
 -- Immanuel Kant, Critique of Judgement, 1790
%%
The agricultural population, says Cato, produces the bravest men,
the most valiant soldiers, and a class of citizens the least given
of all to evil designs.... A bad bargain is always a ground for repentance.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xviii, Sect. 26
%%
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory,
but progress.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
The aim of education is the knowledge not of fact, but of values.
 -- Dean William R. Inge
%%
The aim of education is the wise use of leisure.
 -- Aristotle
%%
The aim of every artist is to arrest motion, which is life, by artificial
means and hold it fixed so that a hundred years later, when a stranger
looks at it, it moves again since it is life.
 -- William Faulkner
%%
The aim of learning is not knowledge but action.
%%
The aim of meditating about the world is finally to change the world.
 -- Donald Barthelme
%%
The aim of science is to seek the simplest explanations of complex
facts. Seek simplicity and distrust it.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
The air-drawn dagger.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
THE AIR FORCE, aims high, shoots low.
%%
THE AIR FORCE does it and aims high.
%%
The air is full of farewells to the dying,
  And mournings for the dead.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Resignation
%%
The air is positively magic in here. Better wear a negative armor.
%%
The airlines banned smoking on their flights. Now if they can do it on
 their landings.
 -- Barry Crimmins
%%
The Algol compiler used at Case Institute of Technology, after finding
25 errors in the source (e.g., like you spelled BEGIN as BEGNI), would
print
 "At this point, we suggest you try re-reading the manual."
%%
The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty.   You might want to mug
someone with it.
 -- M. Devine, Computer Science 340
%%
The almighty dollar,
 -- Washington Irving (1783-1859)
 -- The Creole Village
%%
The Almighty in His infinite wisdom
did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1942)
%%
The alternative to mutual trust, which is indeed a risky gamble, is the
 security of the police state.
 -- Alan Watts
%%
The alternative to the totalitarian state is the cooperative commonwealth.
 -- Norman Thomas
%%
The amassing of wealth is one of the worst species of idolatry, no idol is more
debasing.
 -- Andrew Carnegie
%%
The amateur is the one with all the answers.
%%
      -The amazingly acrobatic stick man-
\o _o   o  o  \o   |o  |o  >>   /\/ o__  _o   o/
 |  |  /|  |\  |  /  /|/  \|o  o\   |  \   \  |
 |  |  << <<  << |                        << < \
************************************************
%%
The American Bald Eagle is protected
by law, the unborn American baby isn't.
Some of our laws are really for the birds.
%%
...the American dream, in recent years the object of much
 denigration even within our own borders, turns out to have been
 the world's dream, as well.
 -- Louis Rukeyser, on events in Eastern Europe
%%
The American dream: Smoke pot, cheat on your wife, & become president!
%%
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no
tomorrow.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
The American people aren't interested in details.
 -- Lyn Nofziger
%%
"The American people were asked to choose between a
 candidate whose theme was `We're all right, Jack,'
 and a candidate who said, `Eat your broccoli.'"
 -- William Schneider
%%
The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that
Dan Quayle may or may not make.
 --  Vice President Dan Quayle,
 -- in a speech to the American Society of Newspaper Editors, April 1991
%%
The American Republic and American business are Siamese twins; they
came out of the same womb at the same time; they are born in the
same principles, and when American business dies, the American republic
will die, and when the American Republic dies, American business will die.
 -- Josiah W. Bailey
%%
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers
that it can bribe the public with the public's money
 -- Alexis de Toucqueville
%%
The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not.  We have
  plenty of messenger boys.
 -- Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post
                 Office, 1876
%%
The Americans have taken umbrage.  Whereabouts is that?
%%
The American sister states:
Mary Land, Ida Ho, Louisa Anna, & Minne Sota.
%%
The Americans, like the English, probably make love worse
than any other race.
 -- Walt Whitman, "An American Primer"
%%
"The Americans want blood; but that of course is
 their style.  They watch too many Westerns in
 their formative years."
 -- From the excellent Channel 4 production, "A Very British Coup"
%%
The Americans will always do the right thing... after they've exhausted
all the alternatives.
 -- Winston Churchill
%%
The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism,
call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great
opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.
 -- Al Capone (1899-1947)
%%
"The Amiga is the only personal computer where you can run a multitasking
operating system and get realtime performance, out of the box."
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
The amount of common sense is fixed, but the population keeps going up.
%%
The amount of effort put into a campaign by a worker expands in proportion
to the personal benefits that he will derive from his party's victory.
 -- Milton Rakove
%%
The amount of entropy in the universe is constant -- except when it increases.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the
number of statements understood by the general public.
 -- Gummidge's Law
%%
The amount of flak on any subject is inversely proportional to the
subject's true value.
%%
The amount of junk carried is in direct proportion to the amount
of space available.
 -- Tony Hogg
%%
The amount of litter in the street is proportional to the local rate
of unemployment.
 -- David Lloyd-Jones
%%
The amount of noise which anyone can bear undisturbed stands in inverse
proportion to his mental capacity, and may therefore be regarded as a
pretty fair measure of it.... Noise is a torture to all intellectual
people.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
The amount of pleasure derived from a cigarette is directly proportional
to the number of the non-smokers in the vicinity.
 -- Raj K. Dhawan
%%
The amount of quaint, authentic, rustic charm varies inversely with the pounds
per square inch of water pressure in the shower. High charm, low pressure.
 -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
The amount of research devoted to a topic in human behavior is inversely
proportional to its importance and interest.
 -- Bernard I. Murstein
%%
The amount of sleep needed by the average person is ten minutes more.
%%
The amount of success is in inverse proportion to the effort in attaining
success.
 -- Felix R. Paturi
%%
The amount of technological change in the next 50 years will be approximately
the same as for all of past history.
This is true for each successive 50 year period.
%%
The amount of time required to complete a government
project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
 -- Chism's Law of Completion
%%
The amount of time saved by your plane arriving early
at your destination is equal to the amount of extra time
you have to wait for your luggage.
 -- The Second Law Of Air Travel
%%
The amount of time spent by a committee
on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item.
 -- Parkinson's Law of Committees
%%
The amount of time you have to wait for a bus is directly proportional
to the inclemency of the weather.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
The amount of trash accumulated within the space occupied is exponentially
proportional to the number of living bodies that enter and leave
within any given amount of time.
%%
The amount of wind varies inversely with the number and experience of the crew.
 -- Deal's Sailing Law
%%
The amount of work done varies inversely with the
amount of time spent in the office.
 -- Cropp's Law
%%
 The amount of work to be done increases in proportion
 to the amount of work already completed.
 -- Vail's Second Axiom
%%
The analogy to athletics must be pressed until all recognize that in the
exercise of intellect those who lack the muscles, coordination, and will power
can claim no place at the training table, let alone on the playing field.
 -- Jacques Barzun
%%
The Analytical Engine weaves Algebraical patterns just as the
Jacquard loom weaves flowers and leaves.
 -- Ada Augusta, Countess of Lovelace [the first programmer]
%%
The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that consists of
365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune of "Camptown Races".
Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to listen to it, and, even better,
nobody has to play it.
 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
The ancient and honorable.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah ix, 15
%%
The ancient sage who concocted the maxim, "Know Thyself" might have
added, "Don't Tell Anyone!"
 -- H. F. Henrichs
%%
The Android greets his friends politely
And veils behind his lowered lids
The jealousy which plagues him nightly
Because he can't have sex, or kids.
%%
The Angel ended, and in Adam's ear
So charming left his voice, that he awhile
Thought him still speaking, still stood fix'd to hear.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 1
%%
The angel on the street is often enough the devil of the household.
%%
The Angels want to wear my red shoes.
 -- E. Costello
%%
The anger of a woman is the greatest evil
with which you can threaten your enemies.
 -- Bonnard
%%
The anger of lovers renews the strength of love.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 24
%%
The angle of the dangle is proportional to the heat
 of the meat provided the urge remains constant.
%%
The Anglo-Saxon conscience doesn't keep you from doing anything.  It
just keeps you from enjoying it.
 -- Salvador de Madaringa
%%
The angry man always thinks he can do more than he can.
 -- Albertano of Brescia
%%
The animal knows, of course.
But certainly it does not know that it knows.
 -- Teilhard de Chardin
%%
The animals can't tell you, you just gotta know.
%%
The [animal] shows you a scholarly paper by Dolittle, D. Vet.
which demonstrates that animals don't have speech centers
complex enough to communicate in higher languages.
It giggles softly to itself and takes back the paper.
%%
The Anita Hill doll:  Pull string; talks in ten years
%%
The Annual Conference of Clairvoyants has been cancelled due to
 unforeseen circumstances.
%%
The Annual White House Easter Egg Hunt was held on schedule this year, and
 it was attended by Vice President Dan Quayle. Got three eggs!
%%
The answer is ashdkjhasdhgsaghjadgasdsad
%%
The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
The answers to the math test:  23, 87, 94, 68 - BINGO!!!
%%
The answer to everything can be found on page 135 of your phone directory.
%%
The answer to "Life, the Universe and Everything"
is not 42 -- this is just an integer approximation.
%%
The answer to old age is to keep one's mind busy and to go on with one's
 life as if it were interminable. I always admired Chekhov for building a
 new house when he was dying of tuberculosis.
 -- Leon Edel
%%
The Answer to the Great Question of Life, the Universe and Everything is
forty-two.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything
was released with the kind permission of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers,
Sages, Luminaries, and Other Professional Thinking Persons.
%%
The AntiChrist is the Computer!
%%
The AntiChrist is the Internet !
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The anvil fears no blows.
 -- Romanian proverb
%%
The "Any" key?  See the one in the back marked "power"?
%%
The Apathy Anonymous meeting was cancelled due to lack of interest.
%%
The apathy of the born freeman is worse than the docility of the born
slave.
 -- Grant Singleton (1890-?)
%%
The apathy of the people is enough to make every statue leap from its
pedestal and hasten the resurrection of the dead.
 -- William Lloyd Garrison
%%
The apophthegm "Know thyself" is his.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Thales, xiii
%%
The appearance of things to the mind is the standard of every action to man.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- That we ought not to be angry with Mankind,
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxviii
%%
The applause of a single human being is of great consequence.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The applause of list'ning senates to command,
  The threats of pain and ruin to despise,
To scatter plenty o'er a smiling land,
  And read their history in a nation's eyes.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 16
%%
The apple tree never asks the beech how he shall grow,
nor the lion, the horse, how he shall take his prey.
%%
The appreciation of life does not require wealth or plenty.
It requires only gratitude for the beauty of the world.
 -- Deng Ming-Dao
%%
The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth
 the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"The are hosts of dopes here, and it is not good for my blood pressure: such
inane things are said and seriously discussed that I get into arguments
outside the formal sessions whenever anyone asks me a question or starts to
tell me about his "work." The "work" is always: (1) completely
un-understandable, (2) vague and indefinite, (3) something correct that is
obvious and self-evident, but worked out by a long and difficult analysis,
and presented as an important discovery, (4) a claim based on the stupidity
of the author that some obvious and correct fact, accepted and checked for
years, is, in fact, false (these are the worst, no argument will convince
the idiot), (5) an attempt to do something probably impossible, but
certainly of no utility, which, it is finally revealed at the end, fails, or
(6) just plain wrong. There is a great deal of "activity in the field" these
days, but this "activity" is mainly in showing that the previous "activity"
of somebody else resulted in an error or in nothing useful or in something
promising. It is like a lot of worms trying to get out of a bottle by
crawling all over each other."
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988) (to his wife)
%%
The argument that capital punishment degrades the state is
moonshine, for if that were true then it would degrade the state to
send men to war... The state, in truth, is degraded in its very nature:
a few butcheries cannot do it any further damage.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
The argument that the literal story of Genesis can qualify as science
 collapses on three major grounds: the creationists' need to invoke
 miracles in order to compress the events of the earth's history into
 the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness to
 abandon claims clearly disproved, including the assertion that all
 fossils are products of Noah's flood; and their reliance upon distortion,
 misquote, half-quote, and citation out of context to characterize the
 ideas of their opponents.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould, The Verdict on Creationism,
       The Skeptical Inquirer, Winter 87/88, pg. 186
%%
The Ariosto of the North.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 40
%%
The aristocrat is right in that only a few people in any society
make a real difference, but the democrat is more deeply right when
he insists that we cannot predict where such valuable people are
coming from and therefore have an obligation to keep all lines open.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
The aristocrat is the democrat ripe and gone to seed.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The Arithmetic of Cooperation:
 When you're adding up committees
 there's a useful rule of thumb:
 that talents make a difference,
 and follies make a sum.
 -- Piet Hein
%%
The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
%%
The armchair quarterbacking of a former quarterback is worth more than the
 armchair quarterbacking of a schmuck.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
The arm of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.
 -- MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
%%
THE ARMY does it being all that they can be.
%%
The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion.
 Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed
 and color, but also on ability.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
The Army is a place where you get up early in the morning to be yelled
at by people with short haircuts and tiny brains.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
 -- Bill Murray
%%
The army retreats. No blame.
%%
The Army's got some new recruits. They wear high-heeled Army boots.
%%
The Army spent two billion dollars for flyswatters to send to Alaska. When
 the flyswatters got up there they found there wasn't no flies in Alaska. So
 the Army spent four billion dollars more to raise flies to ship to Alaska
 so's they could use them flyswatters! That's how the Army works, son!
 -- Senator Claghorn (Kenny Delmar)
%%
The Army. The army needs perseverance
And a strong man.
Good fortune without blame.
%%
The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth.
%%
The artist does not illustrate science (but) he frequently responds to
the same interests that a scientist does.
 -- Lewis Mumford
%%
The artistic temperament is a disease that afflicts amateurs.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936), "Heretics"
%%
The artist in our time has two chief responsibilities: (1) art; and (2)
sedition.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The artist isn't made by a haberdasher and a left-wing editorial.  He's
made by the explosive in him that bears the label, "Beware Uniformity."
 -- Ben Hecht (1894-?)
%%
The artist's job? To be a miracle worker: make the blind see, the dull feel,
the dead to live....
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The artists must be sacrificed to their art.  Like the bees, they must
put their live into the sting they give.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing.
 -- Eugene Delacroix
%%
The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done
you a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one.
 -- Russell Lynes
%%
The art of a people is a true mirror of their minds.
 -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
The art of being a good guest is knowing when to leave.
 -- Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
%%
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
 -- William James
%%
The art of confusion makes no sense to me...
%%
The art of flying is aiming at the ground - and missing.
%%
The art of giving advice is to make the recipient believe he thought of it
 himself.
 -- Frank Tyger
%%
The art of government consist in taking as much money as possible
from one class of citizens and giving it to another.
 -- Voltaire
%%
The art of government is the organization of idolatry.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The art of holding 8 oz of liquid in your mouth without swallowing?
%%
The art of leading, in operations large or small, is the art of dealing
with humanity, of working diligently on behalf of men, of being sympathetic
with them, but equally, of insisting that they make a square facing
toward their own problems.
 -- S. L. A. Marshall, Men Against Fire, 1947
%%
The art of life is to show your hand.  There is no diplomacy like
candor.  You may lose by it now and then, but it will be a loss well
gained if you do.  Nothing is so boring as having to keep up a deception.
 -- E. V. Lucas
%%
The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing, in so far as
it stands ready against the accidental and the unforeseen, and is
not apt to fall.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vii, 61
%%
The Art of Love
knowing how to combine the temperament of a vampire
with the discretion of an anemone.
 -- E.M. Cioran
%%
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature
 cures the disease.
 -- Voltaire
%%
The art of progress is to preserve order amid change
and to preserve change amid order.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
The art of prophecy is very difficult,
especially with respect to the future.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.
 -- Mark van Doren
%%
The Art of Underwear Exchange by Betty Won't
%%
The arts equally have distinct departments, and unless photography has its
 own possibilities of expression, separate from those of the other arts, it
 is merely a process, not an art.
 -- Alfred Stieglitz, circa 1895, about the Romantic-Impressionist school
      of photography
%%
The assembled souls of all that men held wise.
 -- Sir William Davenant (1605-1668)
 -- Gondibert, Book ii, Canto v, Stanza 37
%%
The assertion that all men are created equal was of no practical use
in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the
Declaration not for that, but for future use.
 --  Abraham Lincoln
%%
The ass is still an ass, e'en though he wears a lion's hide.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The ass will carry his load, but not a double load; ride not a free
horse to death.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. lxxi
%%
The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Destruction of Sennacherib
%%
Theater, art, literature, cinema... must be cleansed of all manifestations of
 our rotting world...
 -- Adolf Hitler
%%
Theater: Holding a mirror up to a keyhole.
%%
THEATER MAJORS do it with an audience
%%
THEATER TECHIES do it in the dark, on cue
%%
The Athanasian Creed is the most splendid ecclesiastical lyric ever
poured forth by the genius of man.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Endymion, Chap. lii
%%
The atheist has no hope.
 -- J. F. Clarke
%%
The atom, being for all practical purposes the stable unit of the
physical plane, is a constantly changing vortex of reactions.
%%
The atom bomb is a paper tiger...
Terrible to look at but not so strong as it seems.
 -- Mao Zedong
%%
The atomic age is here to stay - but are we?
 -- Bennett Cerf
%%
The atom was not meant to be explored. Its splitting was the work
of brazen fools. Let's march until the Stone Age is restored, With
rocks and flints our kind of splitting tools. Atomic Power? Seal
it in its grave. We are Progressive. Onward to the cave!
 -- Jack Kirwan
%%
Theatre is life - Film is art - Television is furniture.
%%
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
%%
The attempt and not the deed
Confounds us.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The attempt to tear down our president's leadership with the knowledge
of the issues has not failed.
 -- Vice President George Bush
%%
The attention paid to an instructor is a constant regardless of the
size of the class. Thus as class size swells, the amount of attention
paid per student drops in direct ratio.
 -- Richard J. Herrnstein
%%
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical
cord.
 -- Turnaucka's Law
%%
The Australian spelling of "disk" is used throughout the quota
facilities in honor of the implementors.
 -- Unix Manual, QUOTA(2)
%%
The author: an imaginary person who writes real books.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else
  of the same name.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
The author should gaze at Noah, and ... learn, as they did in the Ark, to crowd
a great deal of matter into a very small compass.
 -- Sydney, Smith, Edinburgh Review
%%
The author who speaks about his own books is almost as bad as a mother
who talks about her own children.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, Nov. 19, 1870
%%

"...the automated office is still in its infancy.  More IBM Selectric
typewriters are stolen in a year than word processing computers sold..."
 -- A quote from 1988 SF Chronicle
%%
The Auto Salvage Business: Rex Toad
%%
The availability of a component is inversely proportional to the
need for that component.
%%
The avaricious man is like the barren sandy ground of the desert which
sucks in all the rain and dew with greediness, but yields no fruitful
herbs or plants for the benefit of others.
 -- Zeno
%%
The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
The average garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.
%%
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up
 at 7:30 in the morning feeling just plain
 terrible.
 -- Jean Kerr
%%
"The average human being only uses 10% of his or her mind."
 -- Scientific studies

"...and the rest is taken up by the operating system."
 -- from an MIT newsletter
%%
The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
%%
The average lifetime of a roll of toilet paper in a public restroom
is forty years, ending 5 minutes before you enter the stall.
 -- Rothschild's Hypothesis
%%
The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him
than he is in a woman -- any woman -- with beautiful legs.
 -- Marlene Dietrich
%%
The average man is rich enough when he has a little more than he has
got, and not till then.
 -- William Ralph Inge
%%
The average man, who does not know what to do with his
 life, wants another one which will last forever.
 -- Anatole France
%%
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
%%
The average person puts only 25% of his energy and ability into his
work.  The world takes off its hat to those who put in more than 50% of
their capacity, and stands on its head for those few and far between
souls who devote 100%.
 -- Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919)
%%
The average person thinks he isn't.
 -- Father Larry Lorenzoni
%%
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one
graveyard to another.
 -- J. Frank Dobie, A Texan in England 1945
%%
The average regulation has a life span one-fifth as long as a chimpanzee's
and one-tenth as long as a human's -- but four times as long as the
official's who created it.
 -- Augustine's Law Number L
%%
The average time between deleting a file and realizing you really need it, is
about two days.
%%
The average woman must inevitably view her actual husband with a certain
disdain; he is anything but her ideal.        In consequence, she cannot help
feeling that her children are cruelly handicapped by the fact that he is
their father.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
The average woman talks 50 per cent more than her husband listens.
%%
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
 average man can see better than he can think.
%%
The Avionics virus
  Displays a Compass logo while extracting $165000 from your
  cash reserves.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The Avis WIZARD decides if you get to drive a car. Your head won't touch the
pillow of a Sheraton unless their computer says it's okay.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a
 comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.
 -- Nelson Algren
%%
The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward.
 -- John Maynard Keyes
%%
The award for All-Time Champion and Protector of Youthful Morals goes
to Representative Clare E. Hoffman of Michigan.  During an  impassioned
House debate over a proposed bill to "expand oyster and clam research,"
a sharp-eared informant transcribed the following exchange between
our hero and Rep. John D. Dingell, also of Michigan.
DINGELL: There are places in the world at the present time where we
are having to artificially propagate oysters and clams.
HOFFMAN: You mean the oysters I buy are not nature's oysters?
DINGELL: They may or may not be natural. The simple fact of the matter
is that female oysters through their living habits cast out large
amounts of seed and the male oysters cast out large amounts of fertilization
...
HOFFMAN: Wait a minute!  I do not want to go into that.  There are
many teenagers who read The Congressional Record.
 -- Clare E. Hoffman
%%
The awareness of the ambiguity of one's highest achievements (as well
as one's deepest failures) is a definite symptom of maturity.
 -- Paul Tillich
%%
The Away Team went on a mission and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!
%%
The axe bounces harmlessly off the dragon's thick scales.
%%
The axe is laid unto the root of the trees.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke iii, 9
%%
The axe misses and lands near the bear where you can't get at it.
%%
The axiom of conditioned repetition, like the binomial theorem, is nothing but
a piece of insolence.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The axis of the earth sticks out visibly through the centre of each
and every town or city.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, vi
%%
The Babbling One lives!!!!!!
%%
THE BABY...an instrument of destruction.
%%
The baby figure of the giant mass
Of things to come.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty training. Which I
 think is important, because when we wanna potty-train the baby we should
 set an example.
 -- Howie Mandel
%%
The baby is just beautiful!
%%
The Babylon Project was a dream given form.
%%
The Baby's Revenge: by Nora Tittoff.
%%
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
 -- Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
%%
The backbone of this country is the independent trucks.
%%
The backup ain't over until the FAT table sings.
%%
The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by people
who don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried anything.
 -- Jim Joyce, former computer science lecturer at the University of California
%%
The "bad sprain" will inevitably turn out to be a "clean break".
%%
The bad thing about getting good at jogging is that you have a long
walk home when you're done for the day.
%%
The bag that breaks has the eggs.
 -- Woodside's Grocery Principle
%%
The balance of power.
 -- Sir Robert Walpole (1676-1745)
 -- Speech, 1741
%%
"The ballet opens at a carnival. There are
 refreshments and rides. Many people in gaily
 colored costumes dance and laugh, to the
 accompaniment of flutes and woodwinds, while the
 trombones play in a minor key to suggest that soon
 the refreshments will run out and everybody will
 be dead."
 -- Woody Allen
%%
The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
The balls of sight are so formed, that one man's eyes are spectacles
to another, to read his heart from within.
 -- Johnson
%%
The ball sounds hollow to me.
%%
the band is just fantastic,that is really what I think
 oh,by the way,which one's Pink
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
The bank he press'd, and gently kiss'd the ground.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book v, Line 596
%%
The bank just called and asked would you like any money?
%%
The banks have a new image. Now you have "a friend." Your friendly banker.
 If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
 -- Alan King
%%
The banner bore a single word: Excelsior!
%%
The Baptists believe in The Right to Life before you're born.   They also
believe in Life After Death, but that is a privilege and you have to earn it by
spending the interim in guilt-ridden misery.  At an early age I decided that
living a life of pious misery in the hope of going to heaven when it's over is
a lot like keeping your eyes shut all through a movie in the hope of getting
your money back at the end.
 -- A. Whitney Brown, The Big Picture
%%
The Bare Facts About Nevada Agriculture.
%%
The barge she sat in, like a burnish'd throne,
Burn'd on the water; the poop was beaten gold;
Purple the sails, and so perfumed that
The winds were love-sick with them; the oars were silver,
Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made
The water which they beat to follow faster,
As amorous of their strokes. For her own person,
It beggar'd all description.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The barium enema on the phone was within normal limits.
%%
The basic building blocks of matter do not occur in nature.
 -- Second Law of Particle Physics
%%
The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy,
but that it is a bore.  It is not so much a war as an endless standing
in line.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than
cities.  Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and
difficult to park in.  Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots,
which are also dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but --
here is the big difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO
RULES.  You're allowed to do anything.  You can drive as fast as you
want in any direction you want.  I was once driving in a mall parking
lot when my car was struck by a pickup truck being driven backward by a
squat man with a tattoo that said Charlie on his forearm, who got out
and explained to me, in great detail, why the accident was my fault,
his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular, whereas I was
neither.    This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall parking
lots.
 -- Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
%%
The basic menu item, in fact the ONLY menu item, would be a food unit
called the patty, consisting of -- this would be guaranteed in
writing -- 100 percent animal matter of some kind.      All patties would
be heated up and then cooled back down in electronic devices
immediately before serving.  The Breakfast Patty would be a patty on a
bun with lettuce, tomato, onion, egg, Ba-Ko-Bits, Cheez Whiz, a Special
Sauce made by pouring ketchup out of a bottle and a little slip of
paper stating: Inspected by Number 12.    The Lunch or Dinner Patty
would be any Breakfast Patties that didn't get sold in the morning.
The Seafood Lover's Patty would be any patties that were starting to
emit a serious aroma.  Patties that were too rank even to be Seafood
Lover's Patties would be compressed into wads and sold as Nuggets.
 -- Dave Barry, 'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants
%%
The basic question is this: Why should *anything* exist? *Nothing* would be
tidier.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The Basics: A beer, a blonde, and a boob tube.
%%
The basic science is not physics or mathematics but biology--the study of
life. We must learn to think both logically and bio-logically.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The basic test of freedom is perhaps less in what we are free to do
than in what we are free not to do.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
The basis for optimism is sheer terror.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The basis of a democratic state is liberty.
 -- Aristotle
%%
The battery will not die when your car is parked in the driveway.  The
battery will die on Dec. 31 at 10 p.m., when your car is the only one
left in the office parking lot.
%%
The battle of the Gulf was won on the playing fields of Atari.
%%
The battle we have fought, and are still fighting...is a part of the
eternal conflict between right and wrong, and we cannot expect to see the
end of it.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change.
These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
%%
The BBS in English.
%%
The BBS that asks the question, but doesn't care about the answer.
%%
The BBS that boldly goes.  We haven't figured out where yet.
%%
The BBS that cares enough to send the very best.
%%
The BBS that dares to ask the question: 'Huh?'
%%
The BBS that gives your modem an April fresh smell.
%%
The BBS that glows in the dark.
%%
The BBS that looks GREAT in silk stockings.
%%
The BBS that melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
%%
The BBS that never repeats repeats itself itself...
%%
The BBS that never sleeps.
%%
The BBS that promises an orgasm on each call... SO, we lied.
%%
The BBS that 'Rocks Philadelphia'.
%%
The BBS that they invented autodial for.
%%
The BBS with a hint of musk.
%%
The BBS with the best g-spots...er...g-files around.
%%
The BBS with the biggest phone bill loses!!!! Oh god, I'm lost Now!!
%%
The BBS your mother warned you about.
%%
The BBS you wrote home about...
%%
The Beach Bully: Harry Ayp
%%
The beach has come to an abrupt end as it runs into a spur from
the mountains overhead which extends outward into the surf. The
only obvious direction to proceed is to the east, where the beach
widens considerably.
%%
The beach here becomes wider, curving around the bay. Among the
rocks at the foot of the cliffs here an opening may be espied.
The beach continues to the southwest and east.
%%
The beach here stretches both to the west and to the east. At this
point, the beach is fairly wide and is composed mostly of sand and
small pebbles. The beach is bounded on the south by a high wall of
cliffs from which an opening gapes.
%%
   The beach was a beach we shall not name, because his private house
was there, but it was a small sandy stretch somewhere along the hundreds
of miles of coastline that runs west from Los Angeles, which is
described in the new edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
in one entry as "junky, wunky, lunky, stunky, and what's that other
word, and all kinds of bad stuff, woo," and in another, written only
hours later as "being like several thousand square miles of American
Express junk mail, but without the same sense of moral depth. Plus the
air is, for some reason, yellow."
   The coastline runs west, and then turns north up to the misty bay of
San Francisco, which the Guide describes as a "good place to go. It's
very easy to believe that everyone you meet there is also a space
traveler. Starting a new religion for you is just their way of saying
'hi.' Until you've settled in and get the hang of the place it is best
to say 'no' to three questions out of any given four that anyone may ask
you, because there are some very strange things going on there, some of
which an unsuspecting alien could die of." The hundreds of curling miles
of cliffs and sand, palm trees, breakers and sunsets are described in
the Guide as "boffo. A good one."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The bear and Carl lived together in the cave for several years until,
one day, the true savagery of Nature being unleashed, Carl killed the
bear and ate him.
 -- Gary Larson
%%
The bear eagerly wolfs down your food, after which he seems to calm
down considerably and even becomes rather friendly.
%%
 "The Bear Got Me" by Claude Bawls
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
The bearing of a child takes nine months,
 no matter how many women are assigned to the project.
%%
The bearings of this observation lays in the application on it.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Dombey and Son, Chap. xxiii
%%
The bear is confused; he only wants to be your friend.
%%
The bear is locked to the wall with a golden chain!
%%
The bear is still chained to the wall.
%%
The bear lumbers toward the troll, who lets out a startled shriek and
scurries away.   The bear soon gives up the pursuit and wanders back.
%%
The Beat-Inflation garden we planted so enthusiastically just two months
ago is to be rededicated as an ecological exhibit. It illustrates zero growth.
%%
The beating of my own heart
  Was all the sound I heard.
 -- Richard Monckton Milnes (Lord Houghton) (1809-1885)
 -- The Brookside
%%
THE BEATLES:
  Paul McCartney's old back-up band.
%%
The Beatles, the Led Zepplin, the Grateful Dead...do I remember these? Not
 necessarily, at least not by name. I remember the generic name - NOISE.
%%
The beautiful are never desolate, But someone always loves them.
 -- Bailey
%%
The beautiful eyes of my cash-box.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- L'Avare, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
The beauty of America is that the average person always
thinks she is above average.
 -- Sam Levenson
The problem with America is that the average person always
thinks she is above average.
 -- anonymous
%%
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
%%
The Beauty of the Universe consists not only of unity in variety
but also of variety in unity.
 -- Umberto Eco, The Name of the Rose
%%
The beauty of UNIX is that it's simple;
and the beauty of VMS is that it's all there.
 -- DECWORLD Volume 8, number 5
%%
The beaver is very industrious, but he is still a beaver.
 -- Will Cuppy
%%
The bed is split at the edge.
Those who persevere are destroyed.
Misfortune.
%%
The bed is split up to the skin.
Misfortune.
%%
The bee enclosed and through the amber shown
Seems buried in the juice which was his own.
 -- Martial (40-102 AD)
 -- Epigram iv, 32
%%
The beer across the street is much better.
%%
The beggar is never out of his way.
 -- Proverb
%%
The beggarly last doit.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book v, The Winter Morning Walk, Line 316
%%
The beginning is the half of every action.
 -- Greek Proverb
%%
The beginning is the most important part of the work.
 -- Plato, The Republic. Book II. 377B
%%
The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not
understand.
 -- Frank Herbert
%%
The beginning of terror is the suspicion of ones own mortality.
 The end of terror is the surety of it.
%%
The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms.
 -- Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
%%
The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
The beginnings and the endings of all human undertakings are untidy.
 -- John Galsworthy
%%
The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men
alone are quite capable of every wickedness.
 -- Joseph Conrad
%%
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir
a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
 -- Hacker's Law
%%
The belief that words have a meaning of their own account is a relic of
primitive word magic, and it is still a part of the air we breathe in
nearly every discussion.
 -- Charles K. Ogden, The Meaning of Meaning
%%
The believer is happy, the doubter is wise.
%%
The bell has a pure sweet mellow sound, and is tuned to middle c.
%%
The bell invites me.
Hear it not, Duncan; for it is a knell
That summons thee to heaven or to hell.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The bell strikes one. We take no note of time
But from its loss.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 55
%%
The belly has no ears, nor is it to be filled with fair words.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. lxii
%%
The Berlin Wall is the defining achievement of socialism.
 -- George F. Will
%%
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather.  It moved to Alaska.  Now Santa
 Claus is missing.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The Bermuda Triangle swallows seamen.
%%
The best advice I ever received was back in 1958 when I was playing the
 piano in a bar on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. A congressman came up to
 me and said, "Kid, stop singing `Stardust' and start singing about
 Congress. We are funny. Pay attention to us and you will have a brand-new
 career." I never got to thank him. He was indicted shortly after that.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
The best advice I ever received was from my co-author of You Can't Afford
 the Luxury of a Negative Thought, John-Roger, who once told me, "You can
 have anything you want. You just can't have everything you want."
 -- Peter McWilliams
%%
The best advice I ever received was not to try to crash in at the top.
 Announcer Milton Cross suggested I not audition at ABC New York (I was
 eighteen years old), but put in some time with small stations and get the
 kind of experience that might make a big network want me. He was right,
 even though I didn't comprehend it at the time.
 -- Hugh Downs
%%
The best advice I ever received was to buy Berkshire Hathaway (now $5,000 a
 share) at $300. Unfortunately, I ignored it. Other good advice I have all
 too often ignored: know your audience, be prepared, don't pretend to know
 something if you don't, try to know something, don't bite off more than you
 can chew, don't chew with your mouth open, never wear brown suits, avoid
 fat in your diet, avoid giving other people advice.
 -- Andrew Tobias
%%
The best advice I have ever received was given to me by the late journalist
 Damon Runyon: "Get as mad as you like but never get off the payroll."
 -- David Brown
%%
The best advice I've ever received? How about the strangest? When I was
 thirteen, my father took me aside and told me that all a girl needed to
 know to get by in life was written on the top of a mayonnaise jar. I
 puzzled for days about the meaning of the phrase, "Refrigerate After
 Opening" until my father remarked that in his day mayo jars always said,
 "Keep Cool, Don't Freeze."
 -- C. E. Crimmins
%%
The best advice I've ever received is the advice I have for young
 broadcasters: "The best way to sound like you know what you're talking
 about is to know what you're talking about." But young broadcasters rarely
 ask for advice. "How did you get your job? How much money do you make?"
 That's what they want to know.
 -- Scott Simon
%%
The best advice I've ever received was from my first editor, Paul C. Smith,
 as I began my column in July 1938: "For god's sake, kid, be entertaining.
 And remember, I have a short attention span."
 -- Herb Caen
%%
The best advice I've ever received was the one tangible piece of
 broadcasting education I received while attending Cornell. One of my
 professors, the general manager of a local radio station, advised me as
 follows: "Always address the audience as one person. Whenever I hear
 someone say, `Hello again, everyone,' or `Good morning, world,' I always
 look around to see who's come into the room with me."
 -- Keith Olbermann
%%
The best American writers have come from the hinterlands--Mark Twain, Theodore
Dreiser, Jack London, Hemingway, Faulkner, Wolfe, Steinbeck. Most of them
never even went to college.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or
even touched.  They must be felt within the heart.
 -- Helen Keller
%%
The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will
not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service.
%%
The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation
with the average voter.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
The best argument for Christianity is the Gregorian chant. Listening to that
music, one can believe anything--while the music lasts.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The best audience is intellegent, well-educated, and BULLSHITTED!
%%
The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.
 -- Alben W. Barkley
%%
The best blood at times gets into fools and mosquitoes.
%%
The best blood will at some time get into a fool or a mosquito.
 -- Austin O'Malley
%%
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
 but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
%%
The best catches are never seen.
("Did you see that?"--"See what?")
 -- The Fifth Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be
mass-produced by unskilled labor.
 -- Wernher Von Braun when asked if man can be replaced
 -- by computer in spaceflight
%%
The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water:
not before or after, but instead.
%%
The best contraceptive is the word no--repeated frequently.
 -- Margaret Smith
%%
The best cure for hypochondria is to forget about your body and get
 interested in someone else's.
 -- Goodman Ace
%%
The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.
%%
The best cure for insomnia is to get a  lot of sleep.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
The best cure for pain is to stop feeling it.
%%
The best cure for the ills of democracy is more democracy.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The best cure for the nations economy would be economy.
%%
The best cure for violence is more violence.
%%
The best defence against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.
 -- British Army Journal 1949
%%
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
%%
The best defense against logic is stupidity.
%%
The best defense against treachery is treachery.
%%
The best defense is a strong offense, and I intend to
start offending right now.
%%
The best defense is to stay out of range.
%%
The best diplomat I know is a fully armed phaser bank.
 -- Montgomery Scott
%%
The best doctor is the one you run for and can't find.
%%
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor
Merryman.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
The best dress for walking is nakedness.
 -- Colin Fletcher, The Complete Walker III
%%
The best-educated human being is the one who understands most about
the life in which he is placed.
 -- Helen Keller
%%
The best effect of the search for success is that it makes
us re-create ourselves.
%%
The best equipment for your work is, of course, the most expensive.

However, your neighbor is always wasting money that should be yours by
judging things by their price.
%%
The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to
do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling
with them while they do it.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
The best exercise for a cat is another cat.
%%
The best form of exercise is picnics. You can use up two thousand calories
 trying to keep the ants and flies away from the potato salad.
 -- Jack E. Leonard
%%
The best gift of all: the presence of a happy family wrapped up in one
another.
%%
The best ideas come from jokes.
Make your thinking as funny as possible.
 -- David Ogilvie
%%
The best index to a person's character is a) how he
treats people who can't do him any good and b) how
he treats people who can't fight back.
 -- Abigail Van Buren
%%
The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes
of their time each day.
 -- M. Grundler
%%
The best in this kind are but shadows.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The best investment you can make is hard work.
%%
The best keeps getting better!
%%
The best kind of cat toy has a person on one end.
%%
The best kind of humor is that which makes me laugh for 5 seconds
and think for 10 minutes.
%%
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
 -- William Butler Yeats, "The Second Coming"
%%
The best-laid plans of mice and men ... are filed away somewhere.
%%
The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.
 -- Blair's Observation
%%
The best laid plans of mice and men so often go astray.
%%
The best laid plans often go a fowl.
 -- Wile E. Coyote
%%
The best laid schemes o' mice and men
        Gang aft a-gley;
And leave us naught but grief and pain
        For promised joy.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- To a Mouse
%%
The best length for television programs is either 30 seconds or 8 hours.
%%
The best lingerie is demolished with one use.
%%
The best man for the job is often a woman.
%%
The best may slip, and the most cautious fall; He's more than mortal
that ne'er err'd at all.
 -- Pomfret
%%
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.  It's
  the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
The best memos are the least memos.
%%
The best mental effort in the game of business is concentrated on the
major problem of securing the customer's dollar before the other fellow
gets it.
 -- Stuart Chase (1888-?)
%%
The best mirror is an old friend.
 -- George Herbert
%%
The best of all possible marriages is a seesaw in which first one then the
 other partner is dominant.
%%
The best of healers is good cheer.
 -- Pindar
%%
The best of men
That e'er wore earth about him was a sufferer;
A soft, meek, patient, humble, tranquil spirit,
The first true gentleman that ever breathed.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- The Honest Whore, Part i, Act i, Sc. 12
%%
The best of prophets of the future is the past.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Letter, Jan. 28, 1821
%%
The best of seers is he who guesses well.
 -- Euripides
%%
The best of things beyond their measure cloy.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xiii, Line 795
%%
The best packed information most resembles random noise.
%%
The best part of Chastity is ending it.
%%
The best part of him ran down his mother's legs.
 -- Jackie Gleason
%%
The best part of the fiction in many novels is the notice that the
characters are purely imaginary.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
The best part of you dripped down your daddy's leg.
%%
The best peas are the smallest peas and ... the sleaziest peas are the best
 peas.
 -- Waverly Root
%%
The best people, like the best wines, come from the hills.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The best piece of advice was not to be an actress.
 -- Isabella Rossellini
%%
The best place to party is any place but yours.
%%
The best plan is, as the common proverb has it, to profit by the folly
of others.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xviii, Sect. 31
%%
The best political weapon is the weapon of terror.  Cruelty commands
respect.  Men may hate us.  But, we don't ask for their love; only for
their fear.
 -- Heinrich Himmler
%%
The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless,
unremembered acts of kindness and love.
 -- William Wordsworth
%%
The best position for a woman to take is prone.
%%
The best preparation for tomorrow is to do today's work superbly well.
 -- Sir William Osler
%%
The best programmers, designers, and architects are lazy.
 -- Dick Munroe
%%
The best proof of love is trust.
 -- Dr. Joyce Brothers
%%
The best research [for playing drunk] is being a British actor for twenty
 years.
 -- Michael Caine
%%
The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer
than your head.
 -- George Santayana
%%
The best rules to form a young man are, to talk little, to hear much,
to reflect alone upon what has passed in company, to distrust one's
own opinions, and value others that deserve it.
 -- Sir William Temple
%%
The best safety device on a car is a rear view mirror with a policeman
in it.
 -- Gil Stern
%%
The best sauce in the world is hunger.
 -- Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote (1605-1615)
%%
The best security against revolution is in constant correction of
abuses and the introduction of needed improvements. It is the neglect
of timely repair that makes rebuilding necessary.
 -- Richard Whately
%%
The best shots happen immediately after the last frame is exposed.
%%
The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the
ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.
 -- Graham Allison
%%
THE BEST SOFTWARE FOR THE LUNATIC COMPUTER USER...
"StuffED" Text Editor - special features:
- Language bias module: Won't edit COBOL source-code
- AutoCorrupt (tm)
- Count bugs in editor
- Multi-user/one file "Edit Wars"
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
The best sort of revenge is not to be like him who did the injury.
 -- Antoninus
%%
The best substitute for experience is being a teenager.
%%
The best teddy bears are the live kind.
%%
The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends
and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while
we are drifting side by side to our common doom.
 -- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
The best thing about animals is that they don't talk much.
 -- Thorton Wilder
%%
The best thing about graduating from the university was that I finally had
time to sit on a log and read a good book.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
%%
The best thing about New Jersey...Leaving.
%%
The best thing about war is that it makes it all right to hate.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The best thing for being sad, replied Merlin, beginning to puff and
blow, is to learn something.     That's the only thing that never fails.
You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at
night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only
love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or
know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds.  There is only
one thing for it then -- to learn.  Learn why the world wags and what
wags it.  That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust,
never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never
dream of regretting.  Learning is the only thing for you.  Look what a
lot of things there are to learn.
 -- T.H. White, The Once and Future King
%%
The best thing I know between France and England is the sea.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- The Anglo-French Alliance
%%
The best thing is not to be born. But who is as lucky as that? To whom
 does it happen? Not to one among millions and millions of people.
 -- Brother Theodore
%%
The best thing is to look natural, but it takes makeup to look natural.
 -- Calvin Klein
%%
The best things come when you aren't expecting them.
%%
The best things in life are chocolate.
%%
The best things in life are duty free.
%%
The best things in life are for a fee.
%%
The best things in life are free.
%%
The best things in life are free. And the cheesiest things in life are free
 with a paid subscription to Sports Illustrated.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
The best things in life are free, but you can keep them for the birds and
 bees; I want money.
 -- John Lennon
%%
THE BEST THING TO SPEND ON YOUR CHILDREN IS TIME
%%
The best time for marriage will be towards thirty, for as the younger
times are unfit, either to choose or to govern a wife and family,
so, if thou stay long, thou shalt hardly see the education of thy
children, who, being left to strangers, are in effect lost; and better
were it to be unborn than ill-bred; for thereby thy posterity shall
either perish or remain a shame to thy name.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
The best time to consult a road map is earlier.
%%
The best time to look for work is after you get the job.
%%
The best treasure to find is a ring of DM control.
%%
THE BEST VALUES WERE THOSE OF JOE
he was a student of mine
 -- Research definitions
%%
The best view of government is in the rearview mirror as you're
driving away from it.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right.
 -- Quentin Hogg, M.P.
%%
The best way out is always through.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
The Best Way To Accelerate A Macintoy is At 9.8 M/S^2
 -- Charles A. Fee, .sig
%%
The best way to accelerate Windows is at escape velocity.
%%
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
%%
The best way to avoid responsibility is to say, "I've got responsibilities."
%%
The best way to avoid your enemies is to outlive them.
%%
The best way to be an organ donor is to buy a motorcycle and ride it
without a helmet.  The severe brain damage that follows results in slow
death, and emergency services often arrive fast enough so that good,
healthy organs can be taken.  In fact, this is such a common method that
people working in organ transplants refer to motorcycles as
``donorcycles.''
 -- Jon Webb
%%
The best way to catch a knuckleball is to
wait until the ball stops rolling and then
pick it up.
 -- Bob Uecker
%%
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The best way to convince a fool he is wrong is to let him have his way.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
The best way to cope with change is to help bring it about.
%%
The best way to cut off a cat's tail is to repossess his Jaguar.
%%
The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.
 -- Alan Saporta
%%
The best way to get and keep good people is to give them room to grow.
%%
The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother--and they'll
 settle for a puppy every time.
 -- Winston Pendelton
%%
The best way to get on in the world is to make people believe it's to their
 advantage to help you.
 -- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
The best way to get rid of unwanted flying insects is to have strong
body odor.
%%
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
%%
The best way to get something done is to begin.
%%
The best way to get stains out is with scissors.
%%
The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas.
 -- Linus Pauling
%%
The best way to hold your beer is in a glass.
%%
The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the letter.
 -- The Law of the letter
%%
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere
 pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
The best way to keep money in perspective is to have some.
 -- Louis Rukeyser
%%
The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
%%
The best way to lose freedom is not to do anything.
%%
The best way to love your neighbor is when your boyfriend is away.
%%
The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is
 a match.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk
sow. The same is true of money.
 -- Augustine's Law Number I
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The best way to make children good is to make them happy.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
 -- Paul Valery
%%
The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it.
 -- Richard Bach
%%
 The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
 -- Alan Kay
%%
The best way to preserve a right is to exercise it,
and the right to smoke is a right worth dying for.
%%
The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to
attempt to hide it.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.
%%
The best way to touch money is by the edges.
%%
The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they
be properly armed.
 -- Alexander Hamilton, The Federalist Papers
%%
The best wine is the oldest, the best water the newest.
%%
The best words are not always found in dictionaries.
%%
The best writing never appears.
%%
The best you get is an even break.
 -- Franklin Adams
%%
The better day, the better deed.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Phoenix, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The better day, the worse deed.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Genesis iii
%%
The better part of valour is discretion;
in the which better part I have saved my life.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
The better technology does not always sell better, even if it is first.
 -- William J. Spencer, Xerox Corporation
%%
The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
The better you look, the more you'll see.
%%
The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362
admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't
love heterosexuals.  It's just that they need more supervision.
 -- Lynn Lavner
%%
The bible does not say, "Love thy neighbor, unless he's gay."
%%
The Bible doesn't forbid suicide.   It's Catholic directive, intended
to slow down their loss of martyrs.
 --  Ellen Blackstone
%%
The Bible is a book of faith, and a book of doctrine, and a book of
morals, and a book of religion, of especial revelation from God.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Completion of Bunker Hill Monument, June 17, 1843, p. 102
%%
The Bible is an opiate to keep the beasts of burden patient.
%%
The Bible is a window in this prison of hope, through which we look into
eternity.
 -- John Sullivan Dwight
%%
    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.  In the first book
of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
 One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?"  God
asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma.  Jacob, son of
Issac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a partiarch who brought
up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but they did not take to it.
 One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
The Bible is God's chart for you to steer by, to keep you from the bottom
of the sea, and to show you where the harbor is, and how to reach it
without running on rocks or bars.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
The Bible is not my book, and Christianity is not my religion.
I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of
Christian dogma.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
The Bible is true this I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
 -- Jordan Henderson
%%
The Bible may be the truth, but it is not the whole truth and nothing
but the truth.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
The Bible on letters of reference:

  Are we beginning all over again to produce our credentials?  Do we,
like some people, need letters of introduction to you, or from you?  No, you
are all the letter we need, a letter written on your heart; any man can see
it for what it is and read it for himself.
 -- 2 Corinthians 3:1-2 [New English translation]
%%
The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made.
Evidently He made her on Saturday night.  She reveals his fatigue.
 -- Dumas
%%
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies;
probably because generally they are the same people.
 -- G.K. Chesterton
%%
The Big Bang was only the universe rebooting.
%%
The Big Bloodsucker Bites The Big One...
%%
The big burly store manager blocks your way.
%%
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for
 money usually costs a lot less.
%%
The big difference between UNIX and VMS:
To do anything on UNIX, you need to know an obscure command.
To do anything on VMS, you need to know an obscure option to SET.
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
The bigger the cushion,
The better the pushin'
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
The Bigger the Drive, the more Junk Collected.
%%
The bigger the information media, the less courage
 and freedom they allow.  Bigness means weakness.
 -- Eric Sevareid
%%
The bigger the man, the less likely he is to object to caricature.
 -- Guernsey Le Pelley
%%
The bigger the smile the sharper the knife.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #48
%%
The bigger the theory, the better.
 -- Maier's First Corollary
%%
The bigger they are, the faster I run.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
 The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
 -- Perkin's postulate
%%
The bigger they come the harder they fall.
 -- Robert Prometheus Fitzsimmons
%%
The biggest bore is the person who is bored by everyone and everything.
 -- Frank Tyger
%%
The biggest danger for a politician is to shake hands with a man who is
 physically stronger, has been drinking, and is voting for the other guy.
 -- William Proxmire
%%
The biggest difference between the psychiatrist and the patient is that the
psychiatrist has learned how to live with it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't
 reuse time.
 -- Merrick Furst
%%
The biggest Frequently Asked Question (FAQ) on the net: "Is this a FAQ?"
%%
The biggest growth industry in UNIX is promoting standards.
 -- Rikki Kirzner, Dataquest.
%%
The biggest mistake is not learning from all your other mistakes.
%%
The biggest mistake that you can make is to believe that you are working for
somebody else.
%%
The biggest myth, as measured by square footage, is that as you grow older,
 you gradually lose your interest in sex. This myth probably got started
 because younger people seem to want to have sex with each other at every
 available opportunity including traffic lights, whereas older people are
 more likely to reserve their sexual activities for special occasions such
 as the installation of a new pope.

 But does this mean that, as an aging person, you're no longer capable of
 feeling the lust that you felt as an 18-year-old? Not at all! You're
 attracted just as strongly as you ever were toward 18-year-olds! The
 problem is that everybody your own age seems repulsive.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
The biggest show: The Universe!
%%
The biggest step you can take is the one you take when you meet the
other person halfway.
%%
The biggest thing college prepares young people for is the knowledge of
what it's like to be broke.
 -- Jim Fiebig
%%
The biggest things are always the easiest to do because there is no
competition.
 -- William Van Horne
%%
The big guys always win.
 -- Jeffrey F. Chamberlain
%%
The big majority of Americans, who are comparatively well off,
have developed an ability to have enclaves of people living in the
greatest misery without almost noticing them.
 -- Gunnar Myrdal
%%
The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or
fourteen and all of a sudden they've reached puberty, they believe that
they like women.  Actually, you're just horny.  It doesn't mean you like
women any more at twenty-one than you did at ten.
 -- Jules Feiffer (cartoonist)
%%
The big question is why in the course of evolution the males permitted
themselves to be so totally eclipsed by the females.  Why do they tolerate
this total subservience, this wretched existence as outcasts who are hungry
all the time?
%%
The big round tears
Coursed one another down his innocent nose
In piteous chase.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The big round tear stands trembling in her eye.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 936
%%
The big theives hang the little ones.
 -- Czech Proverb, regarding capital punishment
%%
The big thing today is computer dating.
If you don't know how to run a computer it really dates you.
%%
_The Big U_ and _Snow Crash_ both center around cerebral bicamerality...
but is that because Neal Stephenson has a Jaynes addiction?
%%
The Big Wave: Sue Nami
%%
The Bill Clinton Watch: Only $14.95 + Tax + Tax + Tax + Tax + Tax + Tax
%%
The Bill of Rights goes too far--it should have stopped at
"Congress shall make no law"
%%
The Bill of Rights is over two hundred years old--at that age,
I probably won't work either.
%%
The Bill of Rights - void where prohibited by law.
%%
The bionic man was stopped at 115 mph on the M6 - he was
fined fifteen pounds and dismantled for 6 months.
%%
The Biosphere II, which is supposed to represent a balanced sampling
of life on Earth, contains over 3500 species of plants, animals,
birds, and insects.  And eight white people.
%%
The Bird Collection: Arnie Thologie
%%
The bird let loose in Eastern skies,
  Returning fondly home,
Ne'er stoops to earth her wing, nor flies
  Where idle warblers roam;
But high she shoots through air and light,
  Above all low delay,
Where nothing earthly bounds her flight,
  Nor shadow dims her way.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Oh that I had Wings
%%
The bird meets with misfortune through flying.
%%
    The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp.
 -- John Berry
%%
The bird of passage known to us as the cuckoo.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xviii, Sect. 249
%%
The bird of war is not the eagle but the stork.
%%
The birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time for Miss Manners
to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.
%%
The birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time for Miss
Manners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.

It's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance.  Miss Manners has been
known to squeeze a gentleman's arm while being helped over a curb, and,
in her wild youth, even to press a dainty slipper against a foot or two
under the dinner table.  Miss Manners also believes that the sight of
people strolling hand in hand or arm in arm or arm in hand dresses up a
city considerably more than the more familiar sight of people shaking
umbrellas at one another.  What Miss Manners objects to is the kind of
activity that frightens the horses on the street ...
%%
The birds I heard today, which, fortunately, did not come within the scope
of my science, sang as freshly as if it had been the first morning of
creation.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
The birds may kiss the bees goodbye,
 The buttercup...the butterfly.
 The morning dew may kiss the grass,
 And you my friend, may kiss my a**.
%%
The bird was unafraid when you entered, but as you approach it becomes
disturbed and you cannot catch it.
%%
The biter bit.
%%
The bitter dregs of fortune's cup to drain.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 85
%%
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left
unsaid and for deeds left undone.
 -- Harriet Beecher Stowe
%%
The bitter part of discretion is valor.
 -- Henry W. Nevinson
%%
The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
The black cliffs are unscalable.
%%
The black man in this country has been sitting on the hot stove for
nearly 400 years.  And no matter how fast the brainwashers and the
brainwashed think they are helping him advance, it's still too slow for
the man whose behind is burning on that hot stove!
 -- Malcolm X
%%
The "Blame Father Understand Mother" defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 08
%%
The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
%%
The blinded boy that shootes so trim,
From heaven downe did hie.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- King Cophetua and the Beggar-maid
%%
The blind man looking in a mirror cannot see he has no eyes. So what?
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The blind old man of Scio's rocky isle.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Bride of Abydos, Canto ii, Stanza 2
%%
The blood more stirs
To rouse a lion than to start a hare!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The blood will follow where the knife is driven,
The flesh will quiver where the pincers tear.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- The Revenge, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent
 from his life,  Ned is visited by the
 Chicken of Depression.
 -- Gary Larson
%%
The blue light on your dash means your brights are ON!
%%
The blue light was my mind...
 -- Robert Johnson
%%
The blues had a baby and they called it rock'n'roll.
%%
"The blues isn't about feelin' better ... it's about makin' other
people feel worse (and makin' a few bucks while you're at it)."
 -- Bleedin' Gums Murphy, the Jazz Man in "Moaning Lisa", from The Simpsons
%%
The blush is nature's alarm at the approach of sin and her testimony
to the dignity of virtue.
 -- Fuller
%%
The boast of heraldry, the pomp of pow'r,
  And all that beauty, all that wealth e'er gave,
Await alike the inevitable hour.
  The paths of glory lead but to the grave.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 9
%%
The body of a huge green dead dragon is lying off to one side.
%%
The body says what words cannot.
 -- Martha Graham
%%
The body sprang
At once to the height, and stayed; but the soul,--no!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Death in the Desert
%%
The bogosity meter just pegged.
%%
The Bog: Pete Maas
%%
The bomb will not start a chain reaction in the water, converting it all
to gas and letting all the ships on all the oceans drop down to the bottom.
It will not blow out the bottom of the sea and let all the water run down
the hole. It will not destroy gravity. I am not an atomic playboy.
 -- Vice Admiral W.H.P. Blandly Commander of the Bikini Atoll Test
%%
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment if interest is high.
%%
The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect
and joy in each other's life.  Rarely do members of one family grow
up under the same roof.
 -- Richard Bach, Illusions [1977]
%%
The booby father craves a booby son,
And by Heaven's blessing thinks himself undone.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire ii, Line 165
%%
The book above all others in the world which should be forbidden is a
 catalogue of forbidden books
 -- Lichtenberg
%%
The bookful blockhead, ignorantly read,
With loads of learned lumber in his head.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part iii, Line 53
%%
The bookish theoric.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
... The book is worth attention for only two reasons:  (1) it attacks
attempts to expose sham paranormal studies; and (2) it is very well and
plausibly written and so rather harder to dismiss or refute by simple
jeering.
 -- Harry Eagar, reviewing Beyond the Quantum by Michael Talbot,
     The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 200-201
%%
The BOOK means BIBLE. So don't swear by the BOOK.
%%
The books are old, but they chronicle the rise of Castrovalva up to
the present day.
 -- Shardovan, CASTROVALVA
%%
The Book says BURN and DESTROY repent and redeem and revenge and deploy and
 rumble thee forth to the land of the unbelieving scum 'cause they don't go
 for what's in the Book and that makes 'em BAD.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
The books that help you the most are those which make you think the most.
 -- Theodore Parker
%%
The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world
its own shame.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The book that is misplaced is the book you need.
%%
[The book, "The Satanic Verses"] is obviously not only offensive but,
I would think most of us would say, in bad taste.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle commenting on the book
                   which caused Salman Rushdie to be placed under a death
                   sentence.  The Vice-President had not read the book, 3/16/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
The book you spent $29.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
 -- Pantuso's First Law
%%
The book you want is on either the bottom shelf, accessible by crawling,
or on the top shelf, accessible only by wobbly ladder.
 -- London's Law of Libraries
%%
The border between the Real and the Unreal is not
fixed, but just marks the last place where rival gangs of
shamans fought each other to a standstill.
%%
The Bore is the person who deprives you of your solitude without any form
 of recompense in the form of decent company. A good bore can consume within
 the space of one year, one and a half times his own weight in patience. It
 requires considerable talent and no small measure of experience to be an
 accomplished bore.
%%
The Borg: A liberal government in the 25th century.
%%
The Borg Are Back An' There's Gonna Be Trouble, Hey Na, Hey Na...
%%
The Borg are coming. Quick, hide your hockey gear!
%%
The Borg assimilated my race, and all I got was this crummy t-shirt.
%%
The Borg assimilated my race, and all I got was this tagline.
%%
The Borg Cable Co.: Subscriber's wishes are irrelevant.
%%
THE BORG: Calm, Cool and Collective...
%%
The Borg have neither honor or courage.
%%
The Borg: Plastic surgery taken too far.
%%
The borrower is servant to the lender.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxii, 7
%%
The bosom can ache beneath diamond brooches; and many a blithe heart
dances under coarse wool.
 -- Elias Root Beadle
%%
The Boss is that person who, when telling a joke, does not need a laugh
 track in order to hear people laugh.
%%
The boss may not always be right, but he's always the boss.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The bottle hits the far wall and is decimated.
%%
The bottle is full.  You must empty it before you put something else in.
%%
The bottle is made of the best shatterproof plastic.
It can't be broken.
%%
The bottle of water is now empty.
%%
The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can
be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can
be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that.  We waste time looking
for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
 -- Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker
%%
The bottom-up approach always gets me buggered.
 -- Sidney J. Hurtubise
%%
The boundary of world peace is in the heart of each human being.
%%
The Bowery Boys Meet Bigfoot.
%%
The bow too tensely strung is easily broken.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 388
%%
The boy hath sold him a bargain,--a goose.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The boys are back in town.
 -- Thin Lizzie
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership.
The Air Force doesn't.
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership.
The Coast Guard doesn't.
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership.
The Marines don't.
%%
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership.
The Navy doesn't.
%%
The Boys in BLUE!!... Our Metro FINEST!
%%
The boy stood on the burning deck,
  Whence all but him had fled;
The flame that lit the battle's wreck
  Shone round him o'er the dead.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- Casabianca
%%
"The Boy Who Cried Wolf" by Al Armist
%%
The Bozos are coming.
%%
The brain can be seen as a complex machine, like a gooey computer.
 -- Robert C. Solomon
%%
The brain is a wonderful organ.  It starts working the moment you get up
 in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
The brain may devise laws for the blood, but a hot temper leaps o'er
a cold decree.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The brain of an American is full of wide open spaces.
%%
The brave man carves out his fortune, and every man is the son of
his own works.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book i, Chap. iv
%%
The brave man is known only in war; the wise man in anger; the friend
in time of need.
%%
The bravery of his grief did put me
Into a towering passion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
...the bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is
before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet
it.
 -- Thucydides
%%
The bravest are the tenderest,--
The loving are the daring.
 -- Bayard Taylor (1825-1878)
 -- The Song of the Camp
%%
The brazen throat of war.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 713
%%
The bread and onions you ate this morning tasted better than any
feast to a man who expects to eat again, and the sun through the
grills overhead is brighter for you than for any man who expects
to see it rise tomorrow.
 -- Pandarus the Gladiator
%%
The bread that you store up belongs to the hungry; the cloak that lies
in your chest belongs to the naked; and the gold that you have hidden
in the ground belongs to the poor.
 -- St. Basil (330?-379?)
%%
The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it's the opposition.
 -- Nick Seitz
%%
The breaking waves dashed high
  On a stern and rock-bound coast,
And the woods against a stormy sky
  Their giant branches tossed.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers
%%
The breath of the man who loves and the woman who loves
goes to fill the water trough where the spirit horses drink.
 -- Robert Bly
%%
The breezy call of incense-breathing morn.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 5
%%
The Bride of Bigfoot.
%%
The Bride said, "I'm going home to Mother!" The Groom responded, "Good,
 I'll join you and we can both get a decent meal."
%%
The bride wears white to symbolize purity. The groom wears black.
 -- David Frost
%%
The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn.
%%
The bright consummate flower.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 481
%%
The brilliant chief, irregularly great,
Frank, haughty, rash,--the Rupert of debate!
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- The New Timon, (1846), Part i
%%
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "The Devil's Disciple"
%%
The broad mass of a nation...
will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf"
%%
The broken remains of a once beautiful Greek chalice
lie lie on the floor.
%%
The brooks sing carols and glees to the spring.
 -- Thoreau
%%
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
%%
The buck starts here.
%%
The buck stops at the desk over there.
%%
The buck stops here. And having stopped, moves on...
%%
The Buck stops here, the Dough just visits..
%%
The buck stops with the guy who signs the cheques.
 -- Rupert Murdoch
%%
The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a
digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top
of a mountain or in the petals of a flower.  To think otherwise is to demean
the Buddha -- which is to demean oneself.
 -- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
%%
-->   The Buddhist monk leant over the parchment, still. After   <--
-->     what seemed like an eternity of waiting. He took his     <--
-->   brush and let a circular stroke fly upon the paper. With   <--
-->  two inked stones, he pressed marks into two corners. The he <--
-->             looked up at his audience and asked,             <--
-->                       ``What is this?''                      <--
-->     He was greeted with silence.                             <--
-->     After a moment, one member of the audience ventured,     <--
-->                      ``It's a circle!''                      <--
-->                   The monk smiled and said,                  <--
-->                   ``You think too much.''                    <--
 -- D.A. Hosek
%%
The bud is on the bough again,
  The leaf is on the tree.
 -- Charles Jefferys (1807-1865)
 -- The Meeting of Spring and Summer
%%
The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be.
Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in
automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
 -- Art Buchwald
%%
The bug is mightier than the fix.
 -- Cyrano deBuggerac
%%
The Bugs Of Wrath
 -- John Steinbug
%%
The bug starts here.
%%
The bug stops here.
 -- H. Trubug
%%
The bugs will go away when you turn off the computer!
%%
The bulges on your body that you want most to get rid of
are the ones least affected by exercise.
 -- The Gym-Goer's Maxim
%%
 "The Bulimic's Guide" by Thoreau Upp
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
The bull wears himself out on the cape and never sees the sword.
 -- Dr. Randall Brooks
%%
The bumper sticker is America's book of proverbs.
%%
The burden is equal to the horses strength.
 -- The Talmud
%%
The burden of the desert of the sea.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxi, 1
%%
The burden which is well borne becomes light.
 -- Ovid
%%
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
%%
The bus came by, I got on, that's when it all began.
%%
The Bush Administration is off to a good start....unless they put Noriega
 in as Drug Commissioner!
%%
The business of america is business.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
The business of living is not to get ahead of others, but to get
ahead of ourselves.
%%
The business of the New York journalist is to destroy the truth, to lie
outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of Mammon, and to
sell his race and his country for his daily bread.
 -- John Swinton (1830-1901)
%%
The business plan you prepare must be a lie... But it must be a detailed
and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie.
 -- Edward M. Bennett
%%
The business that considers itself immune to the necessity for
advertising sooner or later finds itself immune to business.
 -- Derby Brown
%%
The bus that left the stop just before you got there is your bus.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
The busy have no time for tears.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
The Cabinet is a pig, a serpent, a tiger and an ox brought together and
told to produce offspring.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
... The cable had passed us by; the dish was the only hope, and eventually
we were all forced to turn to it.  By the summer of '85, the valley had more
satellite dishes per capita than an Eskimo village on the north slope of
Alaska.

Mine was one of the last to go in.  I had been nervous from the start about
the hazards of too much input, which is a very real problem with these
things.  Watching TV becomes a full-time job when you can scan 200 channels
all day and all night and still have the option of punching Night Dreams
into the video machine, if the rest of the world seems dull.
 -- Hunter Thompson, Full-time scrambling, _Generation of Swine_
%%
The cable TV repairman who tells you to stay home from work all day
because he doesn't know when he'll drop by, will drop by at 6 p.m.
%%
The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us
better people, and don't come in clearly enough.
 -- Bill Maher
%%
The cactus is not worth climbing.
%%
The Caldecott Tunnel has less traffic than that vagina.
%%
The Caldron. Supreme good fortune.
Success.
%%
The Californians are an idle thriftless people, and can make nothing for
themselves.
%%
The California Paiute Indian Reservation's laws forbid a mother-in-law
to spend more than thirty days a year with her children.
%%
The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary two;
Or else the other way around.
I'm never sure.  Are you?
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
The camera cannot lie. But it can be an accessory to untruth.
 -- Harold Evans, "Pictures on a Page", 1978
%%
The candidate had allowed television cameras into his hotel suite to
 watch him watch television.
%%
The candidate who is expected to do well because of experience and
reputation (Douglas, Nixon) must do better than well, while the candidate
expected to fare poorly (Lincoln, Kennedy) can put points on the
media board by simply surviving.
 -- Vic Gold
%%
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is
hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
 -- The Grocery Bag Law
%%
The Candy Store: Pepper Mintz
%%
The cankers of a calm world and a long peace.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
The canyon here becomes too tight to go further south.
%%
The canyon runs into a mass of boulders -- dead end.
%%
The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly
 greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed
 inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner
 party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The capacity to talk yourself out of anything leads you into a lot of things
that would never occur to you otherwise.
 -- Charles McCabe
%%
The capitalist can only make a whole people go to war -- want war,
clamor for war as, again and again, we have seen whole peoples doing --
by capturing the popular will.     The only prophylactic against that
situation is to make the public aware of the way in which it is being
misled.
 -- Sir Norman Angell (1872-1967)
%%
The capitalist system is the best, 'cause we can go somewhere else.
 Communism is one big phone company.
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
The captain. He's a real son of the sea. He first became interested in
 ships when his mother approached him. "John, your father wants you to build
 a boat at once," she said. "Where is Father?" inquired John. "In the middle
 of the lake, drowning," was the reply. He told me he had the sea in the
 blood, and believe me, you can see where it gets in.
 -- Spike Milliganlligan
%%
The careful pilot of my proper woe.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Epistle to Augusta, Stanza 3
%%
The careful text books measure - let all who build beware
the load, the stress, the pressure material can bear.
So when the buckling girder lets down the grinding span,
The blame of loss, or murder is laid upon the man.
Not on the stuff, the man.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
The care of every man's soul belongs to himself. But what if he
neglect the care of it? Well what if he neglect the care of his health
or his estate, which would more nearly relate to the state. Will the
magistrate make a law that he not be poor or sick? Laws provide against
injury from others; but not from ourselves. God himself will not save
men against their wills.
 -- Thomas Jefferson- October 1776
%%
The caribou love [the Alaska oil pipeline].
They run up against it, and they have babies.
 -- George Bush, 1988
%%
The Car Park virus
  Sprays your screen with muddy water
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
 -- Herbert von Fritzlar
%%
The case has, in some respects, been not entirely devoid of interest.
 -- Sherlock Holmes [Sir Arthur Conan Doyle]
%%
The Castle Ahrgggh.  Our quest is at an end.
%%
The castled crag of Drachenfels
Frowns o'er the wide and winding Rhine.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 55
%%
The castle of aaaaaaaargh.
%%
The cat could very well be man's best friend
but would never stoop to admitting it.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
The caterpiller is secure in the womb of the cocoon. And yet, to
    achieve its destiny, it must cast off its earthbound burden...to
  realize the ethereal of the butterfly.
 -- Master Po
%%
The Catholic Church:  A successful vampire cult.
%%
>The Catholic Church *is not* the one true church.    The Holy Orthodox
>[Eastern] Christian Church is the one and only repository of the *fullness*
>of Christ's >   teachings.

Sorry, but the one _true_ church is the Church of the Forgotten Son, where
we worship the Almighty earthworm.  Not only is it more true than any of
the Christian churches, it's also less fulfilling and it tastes great.
Just thought you'd like to know.
 -- Andrew. Kalinowitsch (kalin@cbnewsm.att.com)
%%
The cat in gloves can do the pruning in the Rose Garden.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
The cat is always on the wrong side of the door.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The cat is eating my mouse! No, No Kitty...
%%
"The cat is out of the bag.  Even Siskel and Ebert talk about it, and they're
 _professional art farts_, not amateur Art History Majors forced to work in
 a computer company because they realized too late that a four-year investment
 in a liberal arts degree is about as useful on the job market as a bicycle
 with square wheels."
 -- Chris Neckalson (sco!chrisn)
%%
The cat is the most ruthless, most terrifying of animals.  As far back
  as the sabertooth tiger.
 -- Spock, "Catspaw," stardate 3018.2.
%%
The cat lets me live here.
%%
The cats did it.
%%
The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights.
%%
The cattle upon a thousand hills.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm l, 10
%%
The cat who doesn't act finicky soon loses control of his owner.
 -- "Morris the Cat"
%%
The cat would eate fish, and would not wet her feete.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
The cautious seldom err.
%%
The cavalry is late
%%
The C committee took something that wasn't broken, and tidied it up without
 breaking it.
 -- Dennis Ritchie (dmr@alice.UUCP), about ANSI C standard X3J11
%%
The CD ROM is write and read protected.
 We do not have a CD ROM Drive.
 -- dan amongst the users
%%
The celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
 -- Daniel Boorstin
%%
The cellular-phone industry has greatly expanded, making complete local and
 long-distance service available to the homeless.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
The censors say they're protecting the family unit in America, when
the reality is, if you suck a tit, you're an X, but if you cut it off with a
sword, you're a PG.
 -- Jack Nicholson
%%
The censure of those who are opposed to us, is the highest commendation
that can be given us.
 -- Seigneur de Saint-Evremond
%%
The chain of habit coils itself around the heart like a serpent,
to gnaw and stifle it.
 -- Hazlitt
%%
The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it -
sometimes three.
 -- Alexandre Dumas, "The Portable Curmudgeon"
%%
The chain that can be yanked is not the cosmic chain.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain.
 -- G. Fitch
%%
The chalk marks are transient, the formulas eternal.
 -- S. Weinstein
%%
The challenge of space exploration and particularly of landing men on
the moon represents the greatest challenge which has ever faced the
human race.  Even if there were no clear scientific or other arguments
for proceeding with this task, the whole history of our civilization
would still impel men toward the goal.        In fact, the assembly of the
scientific and military with these human arguments creates such an
overwhelming case that in can be ignored only by those who are blind
to the teachings of history, or who wish to suspend the development of
civilization at its moment of greatest opportunity and drama.
 -- Sir Bernard Lovell, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight"
%%
The challenge was to write a paragraph that read one way when punctuated one
way, and read the complete opposite when punctuated another way.

Dear President Clinton,                  Dear President Clinton,
   I would like to compliment you.          I would like to compliment you.
I can't stop thinking that you are       I can't.  Stop thinking that you are
one of the best Presidents we have       one of the best Presidents.  We have
had.  So many leaders go ahead and       had so many leaders.  Go ahead and
propose policies and then botch the      propose policies and then botch the
job.  We expect it.  From you, in        job.  We expect it from you.  In
years to come, I know we will get        years to come, I know we will get
better results.                          better results.
%%
The chamber where the good man meets his fate
Is privileg'd beyond the common walk
Of virtuous life, quite in the verge of heaven.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 633
%%
The chameleon may change its color, but it is the chameleon still.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
to ...... to ......... uh ............
 -- Hurewitz's Memory Principle
%%
The chance of meeting the right person increases exponentially by how long
its been since you've had a bath.
%%
The chance of somebody important visiting your apartment is directly
proportional to how messy it is.
%%
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street
aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
 -- Lockwood's Long Shot
%%
The change of one simple behavior can affect othe behaviors
and thus change many things.
 -- Jean Bear
%%
The changes will not be mentioned in the service manual.
%%
The chaos in the universe always increases.
 -- The General Law
%%
The characteristic of the present age is craving credulity.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, Nov. 25, 1864
%%
The characteristic property of hallucinogens, to suspend the
boundaries between the experiencing self and the outer world in an
ecstatic, emotional experience, makes it possible with their help, and
after suitable internal and external preparation...to evoke a mystical
experience according to plan, so to speak...  I see the true
importance of LSD in the possibility of providing material aid to
meditation aimed at the mystical experience of a deeper, comprehensive
reality.  Such a use accords entirely with the essence and working
character of LSD as a sacred drug.
 -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
%%
The character of every act depends on the circumstances in which it is
done.  The most stringent protection of free speech would not protect
a man in falsely shouting fire in a theater and causing a panic.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935)
%%
The Characters and incidents portrayed and the names used are fictitious and
any similarity to the names, characters, or history of any person is entirely
accidental and unintentional.
           Signed RICHARD M. NIXON
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
The characters in this message are recyclable
%%
The charge is prepar'd, the lawyers are met,
The judges all ranged,--a terrible show!
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The Beggar's Opera, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
The charging of his enemy was but the work of a moment.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book i, Chap. viii
%%
The chariest maid is prodigal enough,
If she unmask her beauty to the moon:
Virtue itself 'scapes not calumnious strokes:
The canker galls the infants of the spring
Too oft before their buttons be disclosed,
And in the morn and liquid dew of youth
Contagious blastments are most imminent.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The charms of a woman are directly related to the speed of her passing.
%%
The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components of a computer
system are those that aren't there.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
The cheap, no matter how charming, how immediate, does not wear so well. It
has a way of telling its story the first time through.
 -- William Littler
%%
 "The check" is always in the post.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 36
%%
The check's in the mail... Trust me!
%%
The cheerful live longest in years, and afterwards in our regards.
Cheerfulness is the off-shoot of goodness.
 -- Christian Nestell Bovee
%%
The cheese slid off his cracker.
%%
The Chef is the Boss in This Kitchen
%%
The chemist labors, weak and weary, searching for a wonder-drug that will
prove his favorite theory, and that doesn't melt the jug.
%%
    The chemists are a strange class of mortals, impelled by
an almost insane impulse to seek their pleasure among smoke
and vapor, soot and flame, poisons and poverty, yet among all
these evils I seem to live so sweetly, that may I die if I
would change places with the Persian King.
 -- Johann Becher
%%
The cheque is not in the mail.  You're never getting the cheque.
%%
The cherry bomb is lit. Quick, hand me that cat!
%%
The chess board is the world, the pieces are the phenomena of the universe,
the rules of the game are what we call the laws of Nature.  The player on the
other side is hidden from us.  We know that his play is always fair, just and
patient.  But we also know, to our cost, that he never overlooks a mistake,
or makes the smallest allowance for ignorance.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
The chicken probably came before the egg because
it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg.
%%
The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up
 at the steam fitters' picnic.
%%
The chicken was the egg's idea of getting more eggs.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
The chief cause of human error is to be found in prejudices picked up in
childhood.
 -- Descartes
%%
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
 -- Sevareid's Law
%%
The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.
 -- Alfred Adler
%%
The chief defect of a democracy is that only the political party
out of office knows how to run the government.
%%
The chief good he has defined to be the exercise of virtue in a perfect life.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xiii
%%
The chief good is the suspension of the judgment, which tranquillity
of mind follows like its shadow.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pyrrho, xi
%%
The chief object of education is not to learn things but to unlearn
 things.
 -- G.K. Chesterton
%%
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
The chief pleasure (in eating) does not consist in costly seasoning, or
exquisite flavor, but in yourself.  Do you seek sauce by sweating?
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
The chief problem with lower income farmers is poverty.
 -- Nelson Rockefeller
%%
The chief product of an automated society
is a widespread and deepening sense of boredom.
 -- Cyril Parkinson
%%
"(The Chief Programmer) personally defines the functional and performance
 specifications, designs the program, codes it, tests it, and writes its
 documentation... He needs great talent, ten years experience and
 considerable systems and applications knowledge, whether in applied
 mathematics, business data handling, or whatever."
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%
The chief trouble with jazz is that there is not enough of it; some of it
 we have to listen to twice.
 -- Don Herold
%%
The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world
in which it is overestimated.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The child had every toy his father wanted.
%%
The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose, and his mother's mouth.
 Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
The childhood shows the man,
As morning shows the day.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 220
%%
The child is father of the man
 -- Wordsworth
%%
The children asked him if to kill was not a sin ...
%%
The "Children Need Their Mother" defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 07
%%
The Children of Davros shall rule!
%%
The children of this world are in their generation wiser than the
children of light.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke xvi, 8
%%
The children were not laughing with you, they were laughing at you.
Explain.
One is meant kindly, the other is not.
 -- Data & Lal, "The Offspring,"  stardate 43657.0.
%%
The children who know how to think for themselves, spoil the harmony
of the collective society that is coming, where everyone (would be)
interdependent.
%%
The child who cuts the piece of candy in half doesn't get first choice of
the two halves.
%%
The Chinese, in saying that no one was hurt or died on Tiananmen Square,
 were guilty of wholesale termonological inexactitute and commercial grade
 inaccuracy. In other words, they lied through their teeth.
%%
The chip's canna' take much more o'this, Captain.
%%
The choice and master spirits of this age.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
 The choice before us is plain: Christ or chaos, conviction or
 compromise, discipline or disintegration.   I am rather tired of hearing
 about our rights and privileges as American citizens.  The time is come
 - it now is - when we ought to hear about the duties and responsibilities
 of our citizenship.  America's future depends upon her accepting and
 demonstrating God's government.
 -- Reverend Peter Marshall, on being elected Chaplain
    of the U. S. Senate in January 1947
%%
The choice is not self-sacrifice or domination.  The choice is
independence or dependence.  The code of the creator or the code of
the second-hander.  This is the basic issue.  It rests upon the
alternative of life or death.  The code of the creator is built on
the needs of a reasoning mind which allows man to survive.  The code
of the second-hander is built on the needs of a mind incapable of
survival.  All that which proceeds from man's independent ego is good.
All that which proceeds from man's dependence upon men is evil.
 -- Howard Roark
%%
The choice of a new generation.
%%
The choice of a system of numeration is a mere matter of convention.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting.  It has been
found difficult, and left untried.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936), "What's Wrong with the World"
%%
The Christian notion of the possibility of redemption is
incomprehensible to the computer.
 -- Vance Packard
%%
The Christian religion has been and still is the principal enemy
 of moral progress in the world.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
 The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the
 world ugly and bad.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
The christians were the first to make the existence of Satan a dogma
of the church.
%%
The Christian view that all intercourse outside marriage is immoral was, as
we see in the above passages from St. Paul, based upon the view that all
sexual intercourse, even within marriage, is regrettable. A view of this
sort, which goes against biological facts, can only be regarded by sane
people as a morbid aberration. The fact that it is embedded in Christian
ethics has made Christianity throughout its whole history a force tending
towards mental disorders and unwholesome views of life.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
The Christmas pageant does not stink.
%%
The Chuck Berry Story: Judy Frudy
%%
"The Church doesn't have problems with sex; the world does"
 -- Vatican official
%%
The Churches must learn humility as well as teach it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
 -- St. Joan
%%
The church is actually patronized by the social order as a means of
stabilizing and perpetuating the existing system.
 -- C. C. Morrison
%%
The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might
not be a bad idea to reform itself.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
The church is near but the road is icy;
 the bar is far away but I will walk carefully.
 -- Russian Proverb
%%
The church is only a secular institution in which the half-educated
speak to the half-converted.
 -- William Ralph Inge
%%
The church is the only place where someone speaks to me and I do not
have to answer back.
 -- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
%%
The Church of St Todd the Incontinent.
%%
The church ought to be separated from the state, and the state from the church.
 -- Pope Pius IX (1792-1878)
%%
The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker
regardless of the direction of the breeze.
 -- Raj K. Dhawan
%%
The "c" in "rap" is silent.
%%
The circumstances of the modern world make nonsense of the pretensions
to moral or intellectual granduer.
 -- Lewis Lapham
%%
The circus is in town.
%%
The citizen is influenced by principle in direct proportion to his
distance from the political situation.
 -- Milton Rakove
%%
The city is not a concrete jungle.  It is a human zoo.
%%
The city of Mountain View proscribes calling pet fish by "names of
aggressive content, e.g. "Biter", "Killer", "Sugar-Ray"
%%
The clan of those without a clan
 -- Robert Lebel
%%
The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom.
%%
The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks.

DO NOT CIRCULATE!
%%
The clear conception, outrunning the deductions of logic, the high
purpose, the dauntless spirit, speaking on the tongue, beaming from
the eye, informing every feature, and urging the whole man onward,
right onward, to his object, this is eloquence, or rather it is something
greater and higher than all eloquence- it is action noble, sublime,
godlike action.
 -- Webster
%%
The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
The clear, sweet singer with the crown of snow
Not whiter than the thoughts that housed below.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- To George William Curtis
%%
The clergy successfully preached the doctrines of patience and pusillanimity;
the active virtues of society were discouraged; and the last remains of a
military spirit were buried in the cloister: a large portion of public and
private wealth was consecrated to the specious demands of charity and devotion;
and the soldiers' pay was lavished on the useless multitudes of both sexes
who could only plead the merits of abstinence and chastity.
 -- Edward Gibbons, _The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire_
%%
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
%%
The climate of the Sahara is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
%%
The clinching proof of my reasoning is that I will cut anyone who
argues further into dogmeat.
 -- Sir Geoffery de Tourneville (ca. 1350)
%%
The Clinging. Perseverance furthers.
It brings success.
Care of the cow brings good fortune.
%%
The Clinton Administration: Government control from Womb to Tomb!
%%
The Clinton Administration: Home of the Whopper!
%%
The Clinton Administration: Murphy's Law in Action!
%%
The Clinton Administration: Taxation without hesitation.
%%
The Clinton cat habla espanol! S-O-C-K-S!
%%
The Clinton Comedy Hour starring Donna Shalala.
%%
The Clinton Comedy Hour starring Robert Reich.
%%
The Clinton Comedy Hour starring the "Not Ready for Reality Players."
%%
The Clintons: America's first hermaphroditic president.
%%
The Clintons: We're inept, we're incompetent, and we're in charge!
%%
The CLOCK$ stops here.
%%
The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about
 from Science, along with behaviour control, genetic engineering,
 transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of
 plastic flowers.
 -- Lewis Thomas
%%
The closer you are to the facts of a situation, the more obvious are
the errors in all news coverage of the situation.
%%
The closest library doesn't have the material you need.
 -- Hansen's Library Axiom
%%
The closest to perfection
a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.
 -- Stanley J. Randall
%%
The closing years of life are like the end of a masquerade party,
 when the masks are dropped.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
The clothes have no emperor.
 -- C. A. Hoare, about Ada.
%%
The clothes you don't like are the most durable you have bought.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
The clueless shall inherit what's left by the clueful.
%%
The coal industry is being run by men with dirty mines.
%%
The coast was clear.
 -- Michael Drayton (1563-1631)
 -- Nymphidia
%%
The COBOL Crisis:  "But it worked in test".
%%
The cockroaches are revolting.
%%
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
%%
 The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The cold in clime are cold in blood,
  Their love can scarce deserve the name.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 1099
%%
The cold neutrality of an impartial judge.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France,
 -- Preface to Brissot's Address, Vol. v, p. 67
%%
The cold, the changed, perchance the dead, anew,
The mourn'd, the loved, the lost,--too many, yet how few!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 24
%%
The cold winds swept the mountain-height,
  And pathless was the dreary wild,
And 'mid the cheerless hours of night
  A mother wandered with her child:
As through the drifting snows she press'd,
The babe was sleeping on her breast.
 -- Seba Smith (1792-1868)
 -- The Snow Storm
%%
The college graduate is presented
with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.
 -- Robert M. Hutchins
%%
The Colloquium, Canberra, Australia (3:620/267)
%%
The combat deepens. On, ye brave,
Who rush to glory or the grave!
Wave, Munich! all thy banners wave,
And charge with all thy chivalry!
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Hohenlinden
%%
The combination of a number of things to make existence worthwhile.
Yes, the philosophy of 'nome,' meaning 'all.'
 -- Spock and Lincoln, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.4
%%
The combined IQ of a committee is the sum of the IQs of
the individuals, divided by the speed of light.
%%
The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are
now too old to die young.
 -- Diskson's Rule of 49
%%
The comfort of your lecture hall seat is
inversely proportional to the length of the lecture.
 -- Sod's Law #9
%%
  The coming thing, Cowboy thinks.  Live forever in a bodily incarnation of
the eye-face, not limited to the speed of artificially enhanced
neurotransmitters but approaching the speed of light, extending the limits
of the interface, the universe.  Brain contained in a perfect liquid-
crystal analog.  Nerves like the strings of a steel guitar.  Heart a
spinning turbopump.  The Steel Cowboy, his body a screaming monochrome
flicker, dispensing justice and righting wrongs.  Who was that masked AI?
Dunno, pardner, but he left this silver casting of a crystal circuit.

  To Cowboy, it sounded pretty good.

 -- Walter Jon Williams, _Hardwired_
%%
The command of custom is great.
 -- Proverb
%%
The Comma Sutra - the guide to Grammatic Satisfaction.
%%
The commercial prostitution of love is the last outcome of our whole
social system, and its most clear condemnation.  It flaunts in our
streets, it hides itself in the garment of respectability under the name
of matrimony, ... it is fed by the oppression and the ignorance of
women, by their poverty and denied means of livelihood, and by the
hypocritical puritanism which forbids them by millions not only to
gratify but even to speak of their natural desires; and it is encouraged
by the callousness of an age which has accustomed men to buy and sell
for money every most precious thing -- even the life-long labor of their
brothers, therefore why not also the very bodies of their sisters?
 -- Edward Carpenter (1844-1929)
%%
The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of
 Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and
 thus will not be meeting until the first time. Their Premeeting Statement
 wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it
 would not be uncertain or confusing. So their first meeting will actually
 be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first
 meeting This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting
 before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so
 and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening
 the repetition. This sounds like a perfect forum for yet another speech by
 Vice President Dan Quayle...
%%
The common cold is sometimes positive and sometimes negative. The eyes have
 it, and then again, the nose has it.
%%
The common cormorant, or shag, lays eggs inside a paper bag.
%%
The common curse of mankind,--folly and ignorance.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
The common denominator produces divide overflow
%%
    The common folk have many sayings, all about it being darkest before the
dawn and clouds with silver linings and suchlike. We in the magical trade like
to express our opinions of these matters somewhat differently. A lifetime of
experience will have taught the average sorcerer that no matter how hopeless
the situation seems, no matter how painful and fraught with danger his options
may be, no matter how close he may be to an indescribably hideous death and
perhaps even eternal damnation, still, the good wizard knows, it can always
get worse.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XLVI (General Introduction)
%%
The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach,
 occasional cramps and an irresistable urge to fuck in the mud.
%%
The common unit of bogosity is the micro-Lenat (uL).
%%
The commonwealth of Venice in their armoury have this inscription:
"Happy is that city which in time of peace thinks of war."
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 6
%%
The communist, seeing the rich man and his fine home, says, "No man
should have so much."  The capitalist, seeing the same thing, says, "All
men should have as much."
 -- Phelps Adams
%%
The Communist system must be based on the will of the people, and if the
people should not want that system, then that people should establish a
different system.
 -- Nikita S. Khrushchev (1894-1971)
%%
The community stagnates without the impulse of the individual.  The
impulse dies away without the sympathy of the community.
 -- William James
%%
The community which does not protect its humblest and most hated
member in the free utterance of his opinions, no matter how false or
hateful, is only a gang of slaves. If there is anything in the universe
that can't stand discussion, let it crack.
 -- Wendell Phillips (1811-1884), speech, 1863
%%
The compact which exists between the North and the South is a covenant
with death and an agreement with hell.
 -- William Lloyd Garrison (1804-1879)
 -- Resolution adopted by the Antislavery Society, Jan. 27, 1843
%%
The company of just and righteous men is best.
 -- Euripides
%%
"The Complete Biography of Leo Tolstoy" by Warren Peace
%%
The Complete E-Mail System!
%%
The complexity of a system is proportional to the factorial
of its atoms.
One can only hope to minimize the complexity of the micro-system
in which one finds oneself.
 -- TWS
... or migrate to a less complex micro-system.
 -- Addendum
%%
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the
    weapon's operator.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #43
%%
The complexity of software is an essential property, not an accidental
one.  Hence, descriptions of a software entity that abstract away its
complexity often abstract away its essence.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
The components you have will expand to fill the available space.
 -- Parkinson's (Modified) Law
%%
The compromise will always be more expensive than either of
the suggestions it is compromising.
 -- Juhani's Law
%%
The computer can't tell you the emotional story.  It can give you the exact
mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
The computer did it by itself!
%%
The computer is absolutely right; therefore you must be wrong.
%%
The computer is a moron!
%%
The computer is fine; I'm experiencing technical difficulties...
%%
The computer is happy.  The computer is crazy.
The computer will try to make you happy.  This will drive you crazy.
%%
The Computer is impressed with Data's hardware.
%%
The computer is incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid.
%%
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
%%
The computer is the only thing that can make 1,000,000 errors per second.
%%
The computer is the Proteus of machines.
 -- Seymour Papert
%%
The computer is the ultimate polluter: its shit is indistinguishable
from the food it produces.
%%
The computer is to the information industry roughly what the
central power station is to the electrical industry.
 -- Peter F. Drucker
%%
The Computer is Watching.
%%
The computer loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.
%%
The computer made me do it; HONEST!
%%
The computer only does what you tell it.
 -- Myth #1
%%
The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone
 is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be
 created in the form of computer programs.
 -- Joseph Weizenbaum, _Computer Power and Human Reason_
%%
The computer you bought today, became obsolete yesterday.
%%
The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
 -- Alan J. Perlis
%%
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better
than a "C," the idea must be feasible.
 -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper
 -- proposing reliable overnight delivery service.
 -- Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.
%%
The concept is simply staggering.  Pointless, but staggering.
%%
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious
dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
 -- A. P. Herbert
%%
The concessions of the weak are the concessions of fear.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 108
%%
The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious.
 -- Robert E. Machol
%%
The Concorde was great. It travels at twice the speed of sound. Which is
 fun except you can't hear the movie till two hours after you land.
 -- Howie Mandel
%%
The condition upon which God has given liberty to man is eternal vigilance.
 -- John Philpot Curran, in a speech July 10, 1790
%%
The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
The confidence of ignorance will always overcome indecision of knowledge.
%%
The confidence of the business executive in a President is inversely
related to the state of business.
 -- Mark Epernay
%%
The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his
memos.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The Congress is becoming the BANE of Democracy and Freedom!
%%
The congress of Vienna does not walk, but it dances.
 -- Prince de Ligne (1735-1814)
%%
The connection between the language in which we think/program and the problems
and solutions we can imagine is very close. For this reason restricting
language features with the intent of eliminating programmer errors is at best
dangerous.
 -- Bjarne Stroustrup in The C++ Programming Language
%%
                            _____  _________
                           |_____||         |>_
                                ________    |  |
_______________________________|   /\   |   |  |
The connection is the key      |  <  >  |   |  |
_______________________________|   \/   |   |  |
                               |________|   |  |
                            _____ |         |__|
                           |_____||_________|>
%%
The conqueror is regarded with awe, the wise man commands our esteem,
but it is the benevolent man who wins our affection.
%%
The consciousness of clean linen is in and of itself a source of
moral strength only second to that of a clean conscience. A well-ironed
collar, or a fresh glove, has carried many a man through the emergency
in which a wrinkle or a rip would have defeated him.
 -- E. E. Phelps
%%
The conscious water saw its God and blushed.
 -- Richard Crashaw (c. 1616-1650)
 -- Epigram
%%
The conservation movement is a breeding ground of Communists and other
subversives.  We intend to clean them out, even if it means rounding up
every bird watcher in the country.
 -- John Mitchell, Atty. General 1969-1972
%%
The conservative party is not a party but a conspiracy.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
The conservative who resists change is as valuable as the radical who
proposes it.
 -- Will and Ariel Durant
%%
The consolation of reading biography: Most great men have led lives even more
miserable than our own.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The conspiracy you've uncovered is just a front for the REAL conspiracy.
%%
The Constitution, in all its provisions, looks to an indestructible
Union composed of indestructible States.
 -- Salmon P. Chase (1808-1873)
 -- Decision in Texas v. White, 7 Wallace, 725
%%
The Constitution is not a technicality.
%%
The Constitution of the United States guarantees every individual the right to
make a damn fool of himself -- in public or private, however he chooses.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The Constitution shall never be construed...to prevent the people
of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping
their own arms.
 -- Samuel Adams
           During Mass' Constitution ratification Convention, 1788
%%
The Constitution speaks of liberty and prohibits the deprivation of liberty
without due process of law. In prohibiting that deprivation the Constitution
does not recognize an absolute and uncontrollable liberty.
 -- Chief Justice Charles Evans Hughes
%%
The consumer is not a moron, it is your spouse.
%%
The "CONSUMER REPORT" on the item will come out a week after you buy the item.
 -- Beryl's Law
%%
The contemplation of celestial things will make a man both speak and
think more sublimely and magnificently when he descends to human
affairs.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
The contemplative life is often miserable. One must act more, think less,
 and not watch oneself live.
 -- Nicolas Chamford
%%
The contents of this message *may* reflect MY personal opinion.
The contents of this message is *not* intended to reflect
those of my employer, or anyone else.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The contest for ages has been to rescue liberty from the grasp of
executive power.
 -- Daniel Webster
%%
The Contract Killing Defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 12
%%
The controlling Intelligence understands its own nature, and what
it does, and whereon it works.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vi, 5
%%
The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.
 -- Hilaire Belloc
%%
The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
 -- J. K. Galbraith
%%
The conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac. In truth,
it's exhausting.
 -- Dom Bonafede
%%
The conversion of one species into another takes place by a leap.
 -- Trofim Lysenko (1898-1976)
%%
The conviction of wisdom is the plague of man.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
The cops are ALWAYS around when you DON'T want them.
%%
The cops can't get me--they're all prisoners of the donut shops.
%%
The Corners of the Mouth.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Pay heed to the providing of nourishment.
And to what a man seeks
To fill his own mouth with.
%%
The cornerstone of wisdom is finally laid and put in place when the man or
 women in question gets wise to himself or herself.
%%
The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired.
 -- First law of Advice
%%
The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is
none of my business, but --" is to place a period after the word "but."
Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period.
Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you
talked about.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
The corruption in a country is in inverse proportion to its state
of development.
 -- Nathan Miller
%%
The Cosmic Dancer does not rest heavily in a single spot, but gaily,
lightly, turns and leaps from one position to another.
 -- Nietzche
%%
The cost of any action increases in direct proportion to the
number of approvals required to take it.
%%
The cost of feathers has risen.... Now even down is up!
%%
The cost of liberty is less than the price of oppression.
%%
The cost of living has just gone up another dollar a quart.
 -- W.C. Fields
%%
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
%%
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
 -- Flip Wilson
%%
The could neither of 'em speak for rage and so fell a sputtering
at one another like two roasting apples.
 -- Congreve
%%
The Counselor and I will be indisposed today.
 -- Riker
%%
The countenance may be rightly defined as the title page which heralds the
contents of the human volume, but like other title pages, if sometimes puzzles,
often misleads, and often says nothing to thepurpose.
 -- William Matthews
%%
The country couldn't run without Prohibition.   That is the industrial fact.
 -- Henry Ford, 1929
%%
The country needs and, unless I mistake its temper, the country demands
bold, persistent experimentation.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
The country's honor must be upheld at home and abroad.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
The country that draws a broad line between its fighting men and its
thinking men will find its fighting done by fools and its thinking done
by cowards.
 -- Sir William F. Butler
%%
The courageous captain of complements.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
The course of Nature is the art of God.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night ix, Line 1267
%%
The course of true anything never does run smooth.
%%
The Court laments the fact that in this day and age many children
are not upward source compatible with their parents or grandparents.
Perhaps Motorola or Hitachi microprocessors will remedy the situation.
 -- Judge Bunton, whose patience with Moto & Hitachi was wearing out fast,
commenting arguments about instruction sets and evolution
%%
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present
information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
The cover of this book are too far apart.
 -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
%%
The coward regards himself as cautious, the miser as thrifty.
 -- Publilius Syrus
%%
The cowards never started -- and the weak died along the way.
%%
The coward threatens when he is safe.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo.
%%
The Cow Blew Up on the Launching Pad.
%%
The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to eat.
 -- John McNulty
%%
The cow is now a widow, because you shot the bull.
%%
The cow story is unlikely - cows are valuable, and don't fit into
 automatic teller machine slots.
 -- ho95c.att.com!wcs
%%
The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.
%%
The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the flexibility
 of assembly language with the readability of assembly language.
%%
The crack is far too small for you to follow.
%%
The cranes are movinh on the skyline, trying to knock down this town.
%%
The crash of the whole solar and stellar systems could only kill you once.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
The craving for power which characterizes the governing class in every
nation is hostile to any limitation of the national sovereignty.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The cream rises to the top.
So does the scum.
 -- Wellington's Law of Command
%%
The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas
 Instruments.
 -- PBS
%%
The creative act is not performed by the artist alone; the spectator
brings the work in contact with the external world by deciphering
and interpreting its inner qualifications and thus adds his contribution
to the creative act.
 -- Marcel Duchamp (1887-1968)
%%
The creative person is both more primitive and more cultivated, more
destructive, a lot madder and a lot saner, than the average person.
 -- Frank Barron
%%
The Creative works sublime success,
Furthering through perseverance.
%%
The creator is both detached and committed, free and yet ensnared,
concerned but not too much so. ... If motivation is too strong the person
is blinded; if the objective situation is too tightly structured, the
person sees none of its alternative possiblities.
 -- Robert Macleod
%%
The creditor whose appearance gladdens the the heart of a debtor,
may hold his head in sunbeams and his foot on storms.
 -- Lavater
%%
The crime problem is so bad in this city, the mayor's had to
designate school-free drug zones.
%%
The crimes we are about to depict have been specially committed for this
 program.
%%
The crime that goes unpunished
 is a passionate progenitor.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
The Criminals Of Watergate: Barton Mee
%%
The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.
%%
The criterion of true beauty is, that it increases in examination; of false,
that it lessens. There is something, therefore, in true beauty that corresponds
with the right reason, and it is not merely the creature of fancy.
 -- Grenville
%%
The critical mass of any do-it-yourself explosive is never less than
half a bucketful.
 -- Eric Frank Russell
%%
The critics say that Shostakovich's Fourth Symphony has no form. They are
wrong; it has the form of Shostakovich's Fourth Symphony.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The Crossbow project - Because the best defense is nothing like a
good offense!
%%
    The Cross is a gibbet-- rather an odd thing to make use of
as a talisman against bad luck, if that is how we regard it.
Or is it, instead, a cynical reminder that Virtue usually gets
pilloried whenever it makes one of its occasional appearances
in this world?
 -- Denis Johnston
 -- The Brazen Horn
%%
The cross of the Legion of Honour has been conferred upon me.  However, few
escape that distinction.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "A Tramp Abroad"
%%
The crowbar has landed on your foot and injured you. You won't be
able able to carry as much stuff as before.
%%
The crowd went crazy as Tommy hit the stage.
 Little Sally got lost as the police bossed the crowd back in a rage.
 ...
 Sixteen stitches put her right and her dad said,
 'Don't say I didn't warn ya!'
 Sally got married to a rock musician she met in California.
 -- The Who
%%
The crowning fortune of a man is to be born to some pursuit,
which finds him employment and happiness,
wheter it be baskets,
whether it be to make baskets, or broadswords,
or canals, or statues, or songs.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The Crown is full of it.
 -- Nate Harris, 1775
%%
The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper
clip of the overlaying correspondence and go to file.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The crucial variables are discovered by accident.
When a fail-safe system fails, it fails by failing to fail safe.
 -- Systemantics failure theorems
%%
The cruelest lies are often told in silence.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque", 1881
%%
The cruelest thing that has happened to Lincoln since he was shot
by Booth was to fall into the hands of Sandburg.
 -- Edmund Wilson
%%
The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe
 seems to be missing.
 -- William J. Broad
%%
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should
therefore be hushed.  A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could
hardly be propagated.  If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to
declare war and they are screened at once from scrutiny ...  In war,
then, as in peace, assert the freedom of speech and of the press.
Cling to this as the bulwark of all our rights and privileges.
 -- William Ellery Channing
%%
The C shell is flakier than a snowstorm.
 -- Guy Harris
%%
   The CTA has complimentary pop-up timers available on request
for overheated passengers.  When your timer pops up, the driver will
cheerfully baste you.
 -- Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #84
 -- Chicago Reader 5/28/82
%%
The C Team--I love it when a program comes together.
%%
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
%%
:The Cuckoo's Egg:
Clifford Stoll
Doubleday 1989
ISBN 0-385-24946-2

Clifford Stoll's absorbing tale of how he tracked Markus Hess and the
Chaos Club cracking ring nicely illustrates the difference between
`hacker' and `cracker'.  Stoll's portrait of himself, his lady Martha,
and his friends at Berkeley and on the Internet paints a marvelously
vivid picture of how hackers and the people around them like to live and
how they think.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
The culture of any period is a mixture of that which docilely caters
to passing whims and fancies and that which transcends these things --
and may also pass judgement on them.
 -- Stanislaw Lem
%%
The cunning livery of hell.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The cup goes round:
And who so artful as to put it by!
'T is long since Death had the majority.
 -- Robert Blair (1699-1747)
 -- The Grave, Part ii, Line 449
%%
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
 -- Ellen Parr
%%
The cure for cancer is $^#g!l&NO CARRIER
%%
The cure for capitalism's failing would require that a government
would have to rise above the interests of one class alone.
 -- Robert L. Heilbroner
%%
The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block.
%%
The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
  The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lea,
The ploughman homeward plods his weary way,
  And leaves the world to darkness and to me.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 1
%%
The curious crime, the fine
Felicity and flower of wickedness.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Ring and the Book, The Pope, Line 590
%%
The current bran frenzy has lots of folks feeling their oats and many of
 them have been noticed of late, horsing around.
%%
The current cost of taxes = your penalty for voting for BILL & HILLARY
%%
The current quest for perfection has allowed far too many of us to spend
 far too much time, standing in front of a mirror, looking at ourselves.
 What a quest!
%%
The Cursed Cursor curses and having cursed...
%%
The curse of this country is eloquent men.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Eloquence"
%%
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of
New Jersey.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
The customer is always lying.
 -- Borsheim's Law
%%
The customer isn't always right, but they do get an
unnatural amount of slack
%%
The customer's always right.
 The son-of-a-bitch
 Is probably rich
 So smile with all your might.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.
%%
The customs and history of your race show a unique hatred of captivity.
  Even when it's pleasant and benevolent, you prefer death.  This makes
  you too violent and dangerous a species for our needs.
 -- The Keeper, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown.
%%
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
The cynic says: the pessimist is a realist who isn't afraid to admit it.
%%
The cynic who doesn't believe in anything still wants you to believe him.
%%
The Czech's in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX.
%%
The daily press and the telegraph which in a moment spreads inventions
over the whole world, fabricate more myths ... in a day than could
have formerly been done in a century.
 -- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
The daintiest last, to make the end most sweet.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The damage rarely exceeds the deductible.
 -- Webster's Law
%%
The damned use that word in hell.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
The 'danes can inherit the Earth--I'm going to the stars!
%%
The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart
as men, but that we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway.
 -- Bernard Avishai
%%
The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every
class is unfit to govern.
 -- Lord Acton
%%
The danger of the past was that men became slaves.  The danger of the
future is that men may become robots.  True enough, robots do not rebel.
But given man's nature, robots cannot live and remain sane.
 -- Erich Fromm (1900-1980)
%%
The dawn is overcast, the morning lowers,
And heavily in clouds brings on the day,
The great, the important day, big with the fate
Of Cato and of Rome.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
%%
The day after tomorrow we shall be in Calais. Captain, set sail for
  France!
(All) Hooray!
(Caption: The Day After The Day After Tomorrow)
...So...You don't know the way to France..._either_.
No. I must confess that too.
...Bugger.
 -- Edmund and Captain Rum : Potato
%%
The day divides the nights.  Nightime devours the day.
%%
The day is done, and the darkness
  Falls from the wings of Night,
As a feather is wafted downward
  From an eagle in his flight.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Day is done
%%
The day is the same length as anything that is the same length as it.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
The day Morton Downey was born his parents faced a serious decision...a
 crib or a cage.
%%
The day of individual happiness has passed.
 -- Adolf Hitler
%%
The day of judgement has come.
You've finished in sixth place.
%%
The Day of Judgement is approaching, or it is not.
%%
The days are all empty and the nights are unreal.
%%
The day shall come, that great avenging day
Which Troy's proud glories in the dust shall lay,
When Priam's powers and Priam's self shall fall,
And one prodigious ruin swallow all.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iv, Line 196
%%
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious
 book.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
The days of good English has went.
%%
The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason
of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour
and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xc, 10
%%
The days of peace and slumberous calm are fled.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Hyperion, Book ii
%%
The days of the digital watch are numbered.
%%
The day-to-day travails of the IBM programmer are so amusing to most of us who
are fortunate enough never to have been one -- like watching Charlie Chaplin
trying to cook a shoe.
%%
The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being
as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of
the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the
dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with
this artificial scaffolding and restore to us the primitive and genuine
doctrines of this most venerated Reformer of human errors.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The day will happen whether or not you get up.
%%
The Dead Of Winter: Jan Yuary
%%
The Dead Shall Walk the Earth and Dine on Flesh
%%
The Dean of Girls--not the most attractive woman the world has ever known.
 During the summer months she had a part-time job at Disneyland. She was one
 of the rides.
 -- Sandy Baron
%%
The dearer a thing is, the cheaper as a general rule we sell it
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush.
 It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.
 -- Robert Maynard Hutchins (1899-1977), "Great Books" 
%%
The Death Penalty is a 100% Deterrence
%%
The death penalty would be even more effective, as a deterrent, if we executed
a few innocent people more often.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The death rate on Earth is: .... (computing) .... One per person.
%%
The debate continues over who smells worse...a wet dog or a wet baby.
%%
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
%%
The debt we owe to the play of imagination is incalculable.
 -- Carl Jung
%%
The decent moderation of today will be the least human of things
tomorrow. At the time of the Spanish Inquisition, the opinion of
good sense and of the good medium was certainly that people ought
not to burn too large a number of heretics; extreme and unreasonable
opinion obviously demanded that they burn none at all.
 -- Maurice Maeterlinck
%%
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
 -- Jerry Burchfiel
%%
The decision is maybe, and that's final.
%%
The decision is maybe, and that's final unless it isn't although at this
 time it seems to be.
%%
The Declaration of Independence I always considered as a theatrical
show.  Jefferson ran away with all the stage effect of that... and
all the glory of it.
 -- John Adams, Letter to Benjamin Rush, June 21, 1811
%%
The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
%%
The deeper the carpet you're called upon, the deeper the trouble you're in.
 -- Kenworthy's Benchmark
%%
The deeper the sorrow, the less tongue hath it.
%%
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
 -- William James
%%
The deep of night is crept upon our talk,
And nature must obey necessity.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
The deer would not go away and was diligent in his efforts, mounting the
 statue time after time. Finally, exhausted, the deer left, slowly and with
 deliberation. The buck was spent, but the doe was saved! (Oh, here I am,
 doing THAT again, sorry, sorry, really, terribly.)
%%
The defacto use of foreign phrases vis-a-vis plain
English in your written tete-a-tetes makes the
sentence harder to understand.
%%
The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff:
 "You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle in
 his hand. But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?"
 "Yes," he admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course, but
 not much good in a fight."
%%
The "Defense of Marriage Act" before Congress was co-sponsored by
the divorced Bob Dole and the divorced House Speaker Newt Gingrich.
The bill, if it passes, has been promised to be signed by the renowned
skirt-chaser President Bill Clinton.  These men tell us that they
support the bill because committed, monogamous same-sex unions are
an affront to the sacred institution of heterosexual marriage.  Am I
the only one a bit confused here?
 -- James G. Gilbert, Boston in a Letter to the Editor (Globe?)
%%
The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The defining function of the artist is to cherish consciousness.
 -- Max Eastman (1883-1969)
%%
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
%%
The definition of diplomacy is saying 'Nice doggie, nice doggie' until
 you can find a stick.
 -- Will Rodgers
%%
The degree of a country's development is measured by the ratio of
the price of an automobile to that of the cost of a haircut. The
lower the ratio, the higher the degree of development.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
The degree of civilization in a society
can be judged by entering its prisons.
 -- F. Dostoyevski
%%
The degree of failure is in direct proportion to the effort expended
and to the need for success.
%%
The degree of one's emotion varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts
-the less you know the hotter you get.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
The degree of technical confidence is inversely
proportional to the level of management.
%%
The degree to which you overreact to information will be in
inverse proportion to its accuracy.
 -- Weatherwax' Postulate
%%
The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men
he knows to be idiots.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,
taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans
are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected
and prove it.
 -- P.J. O'Rourke
%%
The Democrats say you aren't worried about the $2.8 trillion national
 debt they've created.
 -- Lee Atwater
%%
The [Democrats] talked about putting people first. Well, they put people
first unless you happen to be a spotted owl or a giant garter snake or
some other endangered species and then that seems to have priority.
Obviously, you take the bald eagle and things of that sort, of course
you're going to make sure that they are saved and that they can live and
you're going to take every precaution that you can.  But others---we just
need a little flexibility.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his lambasting of
                   Democrats on the Spotted Owl/ Endangered Species issue.
                   (In an interview on Prime Time Live, August 10, 1992.
                    Reported in the NY Times, August 12, 1992)
%%
The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the
blood of genius and generosity.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
The demonstrably true statements of the sciences which, especially
in recent times, have the uncomfortable inclination never to stay put,
although, at any given moment they are, and must be, valid for all.
 -- Hannah Arendt
%%
The demonstration that no possible combination of known substances, known
forms of machinery and known forms of force, can be united in a practical
machine by which man shall fly long distances through the air, seems to the
writer as complete as it is possible for the demonstration of any physical
fact to be.
 -- Simon Newcomb (in 1901)
%%
The denial of the magical, the transcendental, the transdimensional, the
mysterious, the weird, has left us playing with half a deck.
 -- T. McKenna
%%
The denizens of this sizzling-hot, freezing-cold, rocky, rotten
island were monsters -- huge or miserably stunted, fat or scraggly,
dry or slimy, with scales, warts, pimples, tentacles, talons, fangs,
extra arms, eyes, legs, tails, and even heads, all in ridiculous
arrangements.
%%
The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded.
%%
The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older
 people, and greatly assists the circulation of the blood.
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith
%%
The Denver Boot is so called because when it is in use your car might as
well be in Denver for all the use it is in getting you down to the Local.
%%
The Department of Defense has taken over this computer.
World War III will start in 25 minutes.
%%
The depository of power is always unpopular.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
"The Depressed Mother" defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 05
%%
The Depth of your Mythology is the Extent of your Effectiveness.
 -- John Maxwell
%%
The descent to Hades is the same from every place.
 -- Anaxagoras
%%
The desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxxv, 1
%%
The desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional to
the decline of the prototype.
%%
The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the
distance from the actual event.
%%
The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.
 -- Cornelius Tacitus
%%
The desire of a man for a woman is not directed at her because she
is a human being, but because she is a woman.  That she is a human
being is of no concern to him.
 -- Immanuel Kant
%%
The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever
with the acquisition of it.
 -- Sterne
%%
The desire of power in excess caused angels to fall; the desire of
knowledge in excess caused man to fall; but in charity is no excess,
neither can man or angels come into danger by it.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Goodness
%%
The desire to impose upon the disorder of nature some orderly pattern
or arrangement makes men into poets, painters and gardeners;  it also
makes them prey to the illusion that a highly organized state will be
civilized and preferable to a disorganized and muddled one.
 -- Len Deighton (1929-)
%%
The destruction, it is just very heart-rendering.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle attempting to say the
                  SF earthquake wreckage was heart-rending
                  (Newsweek 10/30/89)
%%
The destruction of the poor is their poverty.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs x, 15
%%
    The destruction of this planet would have no significance
on a cosmic scale: to an observer in the Andromeda nebula, the
sign of our extinction would be no more than a match flaring
for a second in the heavens: and if that match does blaze in
the darkness there will be none to mourn a race that used a
power that could have lit a beacon in the stars to light its
funeral pyre.  The choice is ours.
 -- Stanley Kubrick
%%
The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
%%
The developers and entrepreneurs must somehow be taught a new vocabulary of
values.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The developers of Lanacane started from scratch.
%%
The Devil already has all the lawyers for himself.
%%
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul, producing holy witness,
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart.
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
 -- The Merchant of Venice (1596-1598) act 1, sc. 3
%%
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The devil could change. He was once an angel and may be evolving still.
%%
The devil does not stay where the music is.
%%
The Devil falls on account of his gravity.
%%
The devil finds a way into the safest home.
%%
The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
%%
The devil finds work for idle glands.
%%
The Devil hath not, in all his quiver's choice,
An arrow for the heart like a sweet voice.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xv, Stanza 13
%%
The devil hath power
To assume a pleasing shape.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The Devil himself, which is the author of confusion and lies.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 1, Subsect. 3
%%
The devil is a gentleman who never goes where he is not welcome.
%%
The devil is easy to identify. He appears when you're terribly tired
and makes a very reasonable request which you know you shouldn't grant.
%%
The Devil is in the Detail.
%%
The devil is making his pitch.
%%
The devil knew not what he did when he made man politic.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The Devil made me do...<ACK!<...Bob!
%%
The Devil made me read Zmodem docs.......
%%
:The Devil's DP Dictionary:
Stan Kelly-Bootle
McGraw-Hill, 1981
ISBN 0-07-034022-6

This pastiche of Ambrose Bierce's famous work is similar in format to
the Jargon File (and quotes several entries from jargon-1) but somewhat
different in tone and intent.  It is more satirical and less
anthropological, and is largely a product of the author's literate and
quirky imagination.  For example, it defines `computer science' as "a
study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the precision of the
former and the success of the latter" and "the boring art of coping with
a large number of trivialities."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
The Devil was sick,--the Devil a monk would be;
The Devil was well,--the devil a monk was he.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. xxiv
%%
The devil would be the best way out as an excuse for God ... But
even so, one can hold God responsible for the existence of the Devil.
%%
:The Devouring Fungus: Tales from the Computer Age:
Karla Jennings
Norton, 1990
ISBN 0-393-30732-8

The author of this pioneering compendium knits together a great deal of
computer- and hacker-related folklore with good writing and a few
well-chosen cartoons.  She has a keen eye for the human aspects of the
lore and is very good at illuminating the psychology and evolution of
hackerdom.  Unfortunately, a number of small errors and awkwardnesses
suggest that she didn't have the final manuscript checked over by a
native speaker; the glossary in the back is particularly embarrassing,
and at least one classic tale (the Magic Switch story, retold here under
{A Story About `Magic'} in {appendix A}) is given in incomplete and
badly mangled form.  Nevertheless, this book is a win overall and can be
enjoyed by hacker and non-hacker alike.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
The dew of compassion is a tear.
 -- Lord Byron
%%
The dew of thy birth is of the womb of the morning.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
%%
The dews of summer nights did fall,
  The moon, sweet regent of the sky,
Silvered the walls of Cumnor Hall
  And many an oak that grew thereby.
 -- W. J. Mickle (1734-1788)
 -- Cumnor Hall
%%
The dews of the evening most carefully shun,--
Those tears of the sky for the loss of the sun.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Advice to a Lady in Autumn
%%
The Diabolonian position is new to the London playgoer of today, but not to
 lovers of serious literature.    From Prometheus to the Wagnerian Siegfried,
 some enemy of the gods, unterrified champion of those oppressed by them, has
 always towered among the heroes of the loftiest poetry.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "On Diabolonian Ethics"
%%
The diagnostics produced by C  itself  are  intended  to  be
self-explanatory.   Occasional  obscure messages may be produced
by the preprocessor, assembler, or loader.
 -- Unix Manual, cc(1)
%%
The dialogue that begins in RD IV, D.N.A. when Kryten says to Lister
'I'd like to discuss my penis'
%%
The dice of God are always loaded.
 -- Emerson
%%
The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Phaedra, Frag. 809
%%
The dictatorship of the Communist Party is maintained
by recourse to every form of violence.
 -- Leon Trotsky, "Terrorism and Communism", 1924
%%
The dictatorship of the proletariat is nothing else than power based
upon force and limited by nothing -- by no law and by absolutely no
rule.
 -- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
The dictum that truth always triumphs over persecution is one of those
pleasant falsehoods which men repeat after one another till they pass
into commonplace, but which all experience refutes.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
The Diddle factor changes things so that the equation and the universe
appear to fit, without requiring any real change in either. This
has the characteristic of eliminating differences by dropping the
subject under discussion to zero importance.
%%
The die is cast.
 -- Gaius Julius Caesar (100-44 B.C.)
%%
The difference between a career and a job is twenty or more hours a week.
%%
The difference between a chef and a cook seems to be in who cleans
up the kitchen.
 -- Paul Sweeney
%%
The difference between a child and a hacker is the amount he
flames about his toys.
 -- Ed Schwalenberg
%%
The difference between a cow chewing its cud and someone chewing bubble gum
 is that the cow has better manners than to blow bubbles with its cud.
%%
The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
%%
The difference between a lawyer and a rooster,
is that the rooster gets up in the morning and clucks defiance.
%%
The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a
 fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact
is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?   If Gladstone
fell into the
Thames, it would be a misfortune.  But if someone dragged him out again, it
would be a calamity.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the
latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he
has not been caught.
 -- Henry L. Mencken
%%
 The difference between a politician and a snail is
 that a snail leaves its slime behind.
 -- Gerrold's Pronouncement
%%
The difference between a rabbit and a rock is the information content, and the
 difference between a living and a dead rabbit is in the availability or
 usability of the information.
 -- Dr. John A. Ball
%%
The difference between a rich man and a poor man is this: the
former eats when he pleases, the latter when he can get it.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
The difference between art and science is that if something works in
art, you don't have to explain why.
%%
The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
 -- Gerald Burrill
%%
The difference between a successful career and a mediocre one sometimes
consists of leaving about four or five things a day unsaid.
%%
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack
of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
The difference between a Yuppie and a Nerd is simply that one has money....
%%
The difference between common-sense and paranoia is that common-sense is
thinking everyone is out to get you.  Paranoia is thinking that they're
conspiring.
 -- J. Kegler
%%
The difference between communism and democracy is plenty.
%%
The difference between doing it and not doing it is doing it.
%%
The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly
right and doing a thing exactly right.
 -- Edward Simmons
%%
The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as
for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most
brilliant.
 -- Salvador Dali (5/11/1904-1989)
%%
The difference between fantasy
 and science fiction
 is that one hast
 honest politicians
 scrupulous lawyers,
 and altruistic doctors,
 while the other
 only has beings from outer space.
 -- William John Watkins
%%
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
%%
The difference between intelligence and education is this:
Intelligence will make you a good living.
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
The difference between legal separation and divorce
is that legal separation gives the man time to hide his money.
%%
The difference between Liberty and liberties is as great as between God and
gods.
%%
The difference between like and love is the
same as the difference between a spit and a swallow.
%%
The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is
 unreadable and literature is not read.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt has an active,
living culture.
%%
The difference between love and lust is that lust never costs over two
 hundred dollars.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
The difference between meat and fish is that if you beat your fish it dies.
%%
The difference between 'parasite' and 'pet' is Marketing.
%%
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that
 one often comes from a strong will,
 and the other from a strong won't.
 -- Herbert Henry Lehman
%%
The difference between philosophy and theology: if you have an argument
over philosophy, you get red in the face. Over theology you throw
bombs.
%%
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
 -- Gloria Leonard
%%
The difference between prose and poetry.  For example:
"There was a young lady from the Khyber Pass,
Who went into the Ganges up to her knees."
That's prose.  If she had gone a bit deeper it would have been poetry.
%%
The difference between reality and fiction ? Fiction has to be make sense.
 -- Tom Clancy, "Larry King Live" CNN 
%%
The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science
requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require
scholarship.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
The difference between spoiled milk & yogurt? Marketing!
%%
The difference between success and failure is to refuse
to quit when you are discouraged.
%%
The difference between the artist and the non-artist is that the artist
never stops playing.
 -- Alex Mozart
%%
The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in determination.
 -- Tommy Lasorda
%%
The difference between the Laws of Nature and Murphy's Law
is that with the Laws of Nature you can count on things
screwing up the same way every time.
 -- The Reliability Principle
%%
The difference between the Pope and George Bush is that whereas Bush
 walks on the ground and kisses women,the Pope kisses the ground
 and...
%%
The difference between the right word and the almost right word
is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
...the difference between town and country is mostly the view.
 -- Nan Fairbrother
%%
The difference between us is not very far,
cruising for burgers in daddy's new car.
%%
The difference between wife and mistress is the difference between night
 and day.
 -- Harry Hershfield
%%
The difference between Windows and a virus? Virus is free.
%%
The difference of an oral and an anal termometer?
 The taste.
%%
The difficult I do immediately -- The impossible I sub-contract.
%%
The difficult we do at once; the impossible takes a little longer.
 -- inscription on the memorial of the SeeBees
 -- (U.S. Naval Construction Battalions)
%%
The difficulty in life is the choice.
 -- George Moore, The Bending of the Bough, [1900], act IV
%%
The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional
 to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
The difficulty of getting anything started increases with the square
of the of the number of people involved.
 -- Jim MacGregor
%%
The difficulty of the coordination task often blinds one to the fact that a
fully coordinated piece of paper is not supposed to be either the major or the
final product of the organization, but it often turns out that way.
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe
with what they don't; whichever seems likelier to win an effect.
 -- John Updike
%%
The difficulty with this conversation is that it's very different from most
of the ones I've had of late.  Which, as I explained, have mostly been with
trees.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The dilithium UARTs won't take this baud rate much longer.
%%
The diminutive chains of habit are seldom heavy enough to be felt until
they are too strong to be broken.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
The directing of a picture involves coming out of your individual
 loneliness and taking a controlling part in putting together a small world.
 A picture is made. You put a frame around it and move on. And one day you
 die. That is all there is to it.
 -- John Huston
%%
The direction in which education starts a man will determine his future life.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), The Republic
%%
The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it
is generally employed only by small children and large nations.
 -- David Friedman
%%
The dirtiest book of all is the expurgated book.
 -- Walt Whitman
%%
The disappearance of a sense of responsibility is the most far-reaching
consequence of submission to authority.
 -- Stanley Milgram
%%
The disappointment of manhood succeeds to the delusion of youth: let
us hope that the heritage of old age is not despair.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Vivian Grey, Book viii, Chap. iv
%%
The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
%%
The discipline of desire is the background of character.
 -- John Locke
%%
The discontented man finds no easy chair.
%%
The discovery of America was the occasion of the greatest outburst
of cruelty and reckless greed known in history.
 -- Joseph Conrad
%%
   The discovery of this strange society was a curiously
        refreshing thing; to realize that there were ten new trades in
        the world was like looking at the first ship or the first
        plough.  It made a man feel what he should feel, that he was
        still in the childhood of the world.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
 -- The Tremendous Adventures of Major Brown
%%
The disk ain't braggin' if I can back it up.
%%
The disks are getting full; purge a file today.
%%
The dismaying thing about man is not where he descended from, but what he
 is willing to descend to in the course of living life.
%%
The distance between the ticket counter and you plane is directly
proportional to the weight of what you are carrying and inversely
proportional to the time remaining before takeoff.
 -- Gary Witzenburg
%%
The distance from the gate from which you flight departs is inversely
proportionate to the time remaining before the scheduled departure
of the flight.
 -- Edward S. Mills
%%
The distance to the gate is inversely proportional to the
time available to catch your flight.
 -- Kauffman's First Law of Airports
%%
The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion
to the weight of the packages you are carrying.
%%
The distant Trojans never injur'd me.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book i, Line 200
%%
The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known;
naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
The distinction between true and false appears to become
increasingly blurred by ... the pollution of the language.
 -- Arne Tiselius
%%
The distinctions separating the social classes are false; in the last
analysis they rest on force.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
%%
The distrust of wit is the beginning of tyranny.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The diversity of physical arguments and opinions embraces all sorts of methods.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xiii
%%
The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the
Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and
whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.
 -- John Adams
%%
The Doctor is ON.
%%
The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
   The Doctor's good is my evil.
 -- The Black Guardian, MAWDRYN UNDEAD
%%
The Doctor's not as big a moron as he was.  Smarter?  No, thinner.
%%
 the doctor that prescribed sex for insommia? His patients didn't
 get any more sleep, but they had more fun staying awake.
 -- Hear about...
%%
The doctor wanted to write a prescription, so he reached in his pocket and
 pulled out a thermometer.  "Shit,"  he muttered, "Some asshole has my pen."
%%
The doctor will see you now. Please disrobe!
%%
The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
really clever who has not found that he is stupid.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton
%%
The doctrine that the earth is neither the center of the universe nor
immovable, but moves even with a daily rotation, is absurd, and both
philosophically and theologically false, and at the least an error
of faith.
 -- Roman Congregation decision against Galileo

To command the professors of astronomy to confute their own observations is
to enjoin an impossibility, for it is to command them not to see what they
do see, and not to understand what they do understand, and to find what they
do not discover.
 -- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
%%
The documentation for this program is obvious, therefore it is left as an
exercise for the grader.
 -- joel@cs.odu.edu
%%
The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
%%
The dog ate my .REP packet.
%%
The dog is a yes-animal.  Very popular with people who can't afford a
yes man.
 -- Robertson Davies
%%
The dog is turned to his own vomit again.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Peter ii, 22
%%
The dogmatist within is always worse than the enemy without.
 -- S.J. Gould
%%
The dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xv, 27
%%
The dog's life is a good life, for a dog.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The Dog Star is a very Sirius matter.
%%
The dog up and died, he up and died ... after twenty years he still grieves.
 -- Mr. Bojangles, The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
%%
The dog was created especially for children. He is the god of frolic.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
The doing evil to avoid an evil cannot be good.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
The Dolphin, ne'er has anything been more divine
 -- Oppian
%%
The dome is unclimbable.
%%
The dome of thought, the palace of the soul.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 6
%%
The door is already open!
%%
The door is extremely rusty and refuses to open.
%%
The door is the key.
%%
The doors of heaven and hell are adjacent and identical.
 -- Nikos Kazantzakis
%%
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.
 -- Flora Whittemore
%%
The door to success is labeled PUSH.
%%
The dossier is not the person.
 -- Dr. John Gall
%%
The dough always stops over there.
%%
The dough NEVER stops here.
%%
The doughnut is...not unlike the ideal lover - rich, sensual,
irresistibly desirable, and available 24 hours a day.
 -- David Hoffman
%%
The dough stops here.
%%
The dove found no rest for the sole of her foot.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis viii, 9
%%
The down side of realignment:  no more finishing ahead of the Dodgers.
%%
The draft that blows out a match makes a furnace burn better, and what
prostrates a coward excites a brave man to action.
%%
The dragon comes swooping down breathing fire at you!
He He is coming directly towards you!
%%
The dragon comes swooping down breathing fire at you!
It It is quite warm!
%%
The dragon is sprawled out on a persian rug!!
%%
The dragon looks rather nasty. You'd best not try to get by.
%%
The Dragon Taxi Service--we will take thee...anywhere.
%%
The dreadful burden of having nothing to do.
%%
The dream begins most of the time with a teacher who believes in you,
who tugs and pushes and leads you on to the next plateau, sometimes even
poking you with a sharp stick called truth.
 -- Dan Rather
%%
The dreamers are the ones who conceive of what could happen and the scientists
are the ones who make it happen. The best of humanity are those who combine
both traits.
 -- Peter David, "Vendetta"
%%
The Dream Police, they live inside of my head.
%%
The drinking age should be 18. When you're 18 years old you're old enough
 to vote. You should be old enough to drink. Look at who we have to vote
 for! You need a drink.
 -- Marc Price
%%
The drink of Warriors!   ...whadaya mean, no bathrooms?!
%%
The drive-in bank was established so that the real owner of a car could
get to see it once in a while.
%%
The drummer is level when he drools out both sides of his mouth.
%%
The drying up a single tear has more
Of honest fame than shedding seas of gore.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto viii, Stanza 3
%%
The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water.  Eager to show
off this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his
next hunting trip.  Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the
duck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the
duck and returned it to his master.
     Notice anything? the owner asked eagerly.
     Yes, said his friend, I see that fool dog of yours can't swim.
%%
The DUCK walks in square circles!
%%
The Duke of Wellington brought to the post of first minister immortal
fame,--a quality of success which would almost seem to include all
others.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book i, Chap. iii
%%
The dullard's envy of brilliant men is always assuaged by the suspicion
 that they will come to a bad end.
 -- Max Beerbohm
%%
The Dumb Don't Survive!!!!
%%
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when
 you kill them.
 -- William Clayton
%%
The dumplings in a dream are not dumplings, only dreams.
%%
The duration of passion is proportionate with the original resistance of the
woman.
 -- Honore' de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage 1829
%%
The dust we tread upon was once alive.
%%
The duty of the people is to tend to their affairs. The duty of government
is to help them do it. This is the pasta of politics. The inspired leader,
the true prince, no matter how great, can only be sauce upon the pasta.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
The dwarves' knives vanish as they strike the walls of the cave.
%%
The dylithium crystals cannae handle it, Cap'n!
%%
The dynamic principle of fantasy is play.
 -- C.G.Jung
%%
The dynamo of our economic system is self-interest which may range from
mere petty greed to admirable types of self-expression.
 -- Felix Frankfurter
%%
The dyslexic Borg: Assimilation is irrelevant.  You are futile.
%%
"The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked up into a jet engine."
 -- Simon & Simon
%%
The eagle never lost so much time, as when he submitted to learn of the crow.
%%
The eagle suffers little birds to sing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Titus Andronicus
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
The earlier you arrive at the airport for your flight,
the later your flight will depart.
 -- The First Law Of Air Travel
%%
The early bird catches the worm as a rule, but the guy who comes along
later may be having lobster Neuburg and crepes suzette.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
'The early bird catches the worm' just shows
that the worm should have stayed in bed.
 -- Lazarus Long, Time Enough For Love
%%
The early bird gets the coffee left over from the night before.
%%
The early bird gets the early worm.
%%
The early bird gets the worm.
The early worm...gets eaten.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXVIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The early bird still has to eat worms.
%%
The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
and owns the worm farm.
 -- Travis McGee
%%
The early morning has gold in its mouth.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The early village cock
Hath twice done salutation to the morn.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
The early worm deserves the bird.
%%
The early worm gets the bird.
%%
The early worm has a death wish.
%%
The early worm is for the birds.
%%
The earth above the lake:
The image of Approach.
Thus the superior man is inexhaustible
In his will to teach,
And without limits
In his tolerance and protection of the people.
%%
The Earth Alliance can't go around being the galaxy's policeman.
%%
The earth, a purple blaze of sapphire haze.
%%
The Earth changed. Your fathers changed.
%%
The Earth does not belong to man.
Man belongs to the Earth.
%%
[T]he earth does not belong to man; man belongs to the earth.  This
we know.  All things are connected like the blood which unites one
family.  All things are connected.  Whatever befalls the earth befalls
the sons of the earth.  Man did not weave the web of life; he is merely
a strand in it.  Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.
 -- Chief Seattle, 1854 (c.1786-1866)
%%
The earth hath bubbles as the water has,
And these are of them.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The earth hath skin, and the skin hath diseases.
 One of these...is called man.
 -- Nietzche
%%
The Earth is a laboratory designed to test our faith.
%%
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, except bigger and heavier.
%%
The Earth is our Mother.
Our nine months are up.
%%
The earth is real. Only a fool, milking his cow, denies the cow's reality.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The Earth is the Cradle of the Mind -- but one cannot eternally live
in a cradle.
 -- Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky
%%
"The earth loveth the shower," and "the holy ether knoweth what love is."
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, x, 21
%%
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
%%
The earthmen dump their cola-bottles, Cans and packs and empty jars,
At random... so the aesthete throttles Those who made the mess on Mars.
%%
The earth's condition is receptive devotion.
Thus the superior man who has breadth of character
Carries the outer world.
%%
The earth, that's nature's mother, is her tomb.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The earth was made so various, that the mind
Of desultory man, studious of change
And pleased with novelty, might be indulged.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book i, The Sofa, Line 506
%%
The ease of my burdens, the staff of my life.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
%%
The easiest computers to use are those you don't have to.
%%
The easiest machine applications are the technical/scientific
computations.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
The easiest thing in the world is to be a holy man on a mountain!
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not
 to have any.
 -- Katharine Whitehorn
%%
The easiest way to accelerate a Mac is 9.8/sec^2, but
it's the only way to accelerate an IBM
%%
The easiest way to figure the cost of living is
 to take your income and add ten percent.
%%
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.
 -- Jack Rosenbaum
%%
The easiest way to get rid of a difficult task is to do it.
%%
The easiest way to keep a secret is not knowing what it is.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
The easiest way to make ends meet is to get off your own.
%%
The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow from
them.
%%
The easy question gets the most answers ...
%%
The easy way is always the hardest way.
%%
The economy depends about as much on economists as
 the weather does on weather forecasters.
 -- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
%%
The Economy is Recovering!: Knott Quite
%%
The economy is weird - my bank failed before the toaster did.
%%
The education of a man is never completed until he dies.
 -- Robert E. Lee
%%
The effective limitation of power is the most important problem of
social order.
 -- Friedrich A. Hayek
%%
The effectiveness of a politician varies in inverse proportion to
his commitment to principle.
 -- Sam Shaffer
%%
the effectiveness of a telephone conversation
is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.
 -- Parkinson's Telephone Law
%%
The effect of one upright individual is incalculable.
 -- Oscar Arias
%%
The effects are fleeting and lingering...
 --  Overheard in a hallway
  - from Saul Rothstein (Chelmsford, MA, USA)
%%
The Effects of Alcohol: Sir Osis of Liver
%%
    The effects which follow too constant and intense a
concentration upon evil are always disastrous.  Those who
crusade, not _for_ God in themselves, but _against_ the devil in
others, never succeed in making the world better, but leave it
either as it was, or sometimes even perceptibly worse than it
was, before the crusade began.  By thinking primarily of evil
we tend, however excellent our intentions, to create occasions
for evil to manifest itself.
 -- Aldous Huxley
 -- The Devils of Loudun
%%
The efficiency of a committee meeting is inversely
proportional to the number of participants and the time
spent on deliberations.
 -- Old and Kahn's Law
%%
The effort expended by the bureaucracy in defending any error is
in direct proportion to the size of the error.
 -- John Nies
%%
The effort of using machines to mimic the human mind has always struck me as
 rather silly.   I would rather use them to mimic something better.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.
 -- Golub's Fourth Law of Computerdom
%%
The effort to catch a falling, breakable object will produce
more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall
in the first place.
 -- Fulton's Law of Gravity
%%
    The effort to understand the universe is one of the very
few things that lifts human life a little above the level of
farce and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.
 -- Steven Weinberg
%%
The eftest way.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
The egoist in the absolute sense is not the man who sacrifices others.
He is the man who stands above the need of using others in any manner.
He does not function through them.  He is not concerned with them in
any primary matter.  Not in his aim, not in his motive, not in his
thinking, not in his desires, not in the source of his energy.        He does
not exist for any other man -- and he asks no other man to exist for
him.  This is the only form of brotherhood and mutual respect possible
between men.
 -- Howard Roark
%%
The Egremonts had never said anything that was remembered, or done
anything that could be recalled.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book i, Chap. iii
%%
The Eighth Commandment for C programmers:
Thou shalt make thy program's purpose and structure clear to thy fellow
man by using the One True Brace Style, even if thou likest it not, for
thy creativity is better used in solving problems than in creating
beautiful new impediments to understanding.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The Einstein theory is relatively simple.
%%
The Elder Gods went to Suggoth and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
%%
The election is this: the Great Communicator against the Great
Depressor... We are going for the gold!
 -- Vice President George Bush, 1984
%%
The Electric Chair Choice: Regular or Extra Crispy?
%%
The elegant simplicity of the three per cents.
 -- Lord Stowell (1745-1836)
 -- Lives of the Lord Chancellors (Campbell), Vol. x, Chap. 212
%%
The elementary particles which form the embryo are each drawn from
the corresponding structure in the parent, and conserve a sort of
remembrance of their previous form, so that in the offspring they
will reflect and reproduce a resemblance to the parents ...  We can
thus readily explain how new species are formed... by supposing that
the elementary particles may not always retain the order which they
present in the parents, but may fortuitously produce differences,
which, multiplying and accumulating, have resulted in the infinite
variety of species which we see at the present time.
 -- Peter Louis Moreau de Maupertuis,
 -- "Systeme de la Nature:  Essai sur la Formation des Corps Organises," 1751
%%
The elephant is never won with anger.
 -- Earl of Rochester
%%
The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.
 -- Lynch's Law
%%
The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not
Compute' -- I forget which.
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
The elves are now sleeping, but a couple of them are
watching watching you.
%%
The Empath: Ophelia Sadness
%%
The emperor has no clothes.
%%
The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.
 -- Darth Vader (Star Wars)
%%
The Emperor's New mall:
       The popular notion that shopping malls exist only on the
insides and have no exterior. The suspension of visual belief
engendered by this notion allows shoppers to pretend that large,
cement blocks thrust into their environment do not, in fact, exist.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
The employee who has performed his labors faithfully and
without a fault for five years, will be given an increase of five cents
per day in his pay, providing profits from the business permit it.
 -- Work Rule
%%
The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.
 -- Walter Bilbey
%%
The employer puts his money into ... business and the workman his life.
The one has as much right as the other to regulate that business.
 -- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
The emptier the head, the harder it is to fill.
%%
The emptier the pot, the quicker it boils.
%%
The emptiness of a ghost is too heavy to bear.
%%
The END (and more than you wanted to know)
%%
The end crowns all,
And that old common arbitrator, Time,
Will one day end it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
The endeavor to understand is the first and only basis of virtue.
 -- Baruch Spinoza
%%
The end is coming!  Party while you can!
%%
The end is near... but wait for the sequel!
%%
The end is not yet.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxiv, 6
%%
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
 -- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
%%
The end must justify the means.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Hans Carvel
%%
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
%%
The end of man is an action, and not a thought, though it were the noblest.
 -- Carlyle
%%
The end of the day is near when small men make long shadows.
 -- Confucius
%%
The end of the human race will be that it
 will eventually die of civilization.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The end of the world is nigh!
Repent, and return those library books immediately!
%%
The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday,
 with symposium to follow.
%%
The ends justify the jeans.
%%
The ends justify the means.
 -- after Matthew Prior
%%
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #11
%%
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions
   a. when you're ready for them.
    b. when you're not ready for them.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #08
%%
The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side
he's on.
 -- Joseph Heller, Catch22
%%
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an
    unsecure channel.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #54
%%
The enemy never watches, until you make a mistake..
%%
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #31
%%
The enemy of BEST is GOOD.
 -- Stephen Covey
%%
The enemy of science is irrationalism, not religion.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould
%%
The enemy's outside, Mister.   You're pointing your gun in the wrong
 direction.
 -- Captain Briggs, Earthshock
%%
THE ENERGIZER BUNNY does it and keeps going and going, and going, and going
%%
The Energizer Bunny of Borg:  Still assimulating!!
%%
The Energizer Bunny was arrested! He was charged with BATTERY...
%%
The energy produced by the breaking down of the atom is a very poor kind of
thing. Anyone who expects a source of power from the transformation
of these atoms is talking moonshine.
 -- Lord Rutherford, 1933
%%
The engineer's first problem in any design situation
is to discover what the problem really is.
%%
The English certainly and fiercely pride themselves in never praising
 themselves.
 --  Wyndham Lewis
%%
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable
in full pursuit of the uneatable.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach
their children to speak it...It is impossible for an Englishman to
open his mouth, without making some other Englishman despise him.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Preface to "Pygmalion"
%%
The English laws punish vice; the Chinese laws do more, they reward virtue.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
The enormous faith of many made for one.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iii, Line 242
%%
The Enterprise crew actually fires shots in a fight - 2 drinks!
%%
The Enterprise crew avoids a battle - drink!
%%
The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality --
 and have since BIRTH!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The entire economy of the Western world is built on things that cause
 cancer.
 -- From the 1985 movie Bliss
%%
The entire series of books makes for good tagline material.
%%
- "The entire world is appalled by the dreadful act"
             Javier Perez de Cuellar (United Nations) (peacelover@un.uucp)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
The entire world is a very strange carrot, but the
farmer is not worried at all.
%%
     The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights shall not
       be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
 -- The Constitution of the United States of America
%%
The erosion problem in N.Y is getting worse.
Today the stock market dropped three feet.
%%
The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system will serve
as the key to understanding the type of errors which they cannot handle.
 -- Tom Gibb
%%
The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden history.
The fruit that was forbidden was on the tree of knowledge. The
subtext is, All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find
out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had
just keep your fucking mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions.
 -- Frank Zappa Playboy Interview, April 1993
%%
The essence of good and evil is a certain disposition of the will.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Of Courage,
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxix
%%
The essence of intelligence is skill in extracting meaning from everyday
experience.
%%
The essence of knowledge is, having it, to apply it; not having it,
to confess your ignorance.
 -- Confucius
%%
The essence of life is taking over.
%%
The essence of true friendship is to make allowances for another's
little lapses.
 -- David Storey
%%
 ... the essential division between these two camps is: those dedicated
to the exaltation of man's self-esteem and the sacredness of his
happiness on earth -- and those determined not to allow either to become
possible.  The majority of mankind spend their lives and psychological
energy in the middle, swinging between these two, struggling not to allow
the issue to be named.  This does not change the nature of the issue.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
The essential ideas of Algol 68 were that the whole language should be
precisely defined and that all the pieces should fit together smoothly.
The basic idea behind Pascal was that it didn't matter how vague the
language specification was (it took *years* to clarify) or how many
rough edges there were, as long as the CDC Pascal compiler was fast.
 -- Richard A. O'Keefe
%%
The eternal feminine draws us upward.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
The eternal silence of these infinite spaces frightens me.
 -- Pascal, Pensees
%%
The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' -
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
%%
The eventual supremacy of reason should be accepted.
%%
The ever-rising cost of living: Someday soon, the corporate technicians will
be locking meters on our noses and charging us a royalty on the air we
breathe.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The evidence before the court is
incontrovertible; there's
no need for the jury to retire.
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
The evidence of the emotions, save in cases where it has strong objective
support, is really no evidence at all, for every recognizable emotion has
its opposite, and if one points one way then another points the other way.
Thus the familiar argument that there is an instinctive desire for immortality,
and that this desire proves it to be a fact, becomes puerile when it is
recalled that there is also a powerful and widespread fear of annihilation,
and that this fear, on the same principle proves that there is nothing
beyond the grave. Such childish proofs are typically theological, and
they remain theological even when they are adduced by men who like to
flatter themselves by believing that they are scientific gents...
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
"The *evident* character of this defective cognition of which mathematics
is proud, and on which it plumes itself before philosophy, rests solely on
the poverty of its purpose and the defectiveness of its stuff, and is therefore
of a kind that philosophy must spurn."
 -- Georg Wihelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831)
%%
The evil fairy roils: Eat my pixie dust!
She waves her black-glowing wand, which screams thinly....
%%
The evolution of the human race will not be accomplished in the ten
thousand years of tame animals, but in the million years of wild
animals, because man is and will always be a wild animal.
 -- Charles Galton Darwin (1809-1882)
%%
The excesses of our youth are drafts upon our old age, payable with
interest, about thirty years after date.
 -- Colton
%%
The Excitement of Trees: I. M. Board
%%
The existence of a market does not guarantee the existence of a customer.
%%
The existence of god implies a violation of causality.
%%
The expectancy and rose of the fair state,
The glass of fashion and the mould of form,
The observed of all observers!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The expenditure of funds is critical- engineers and scientists should
not be permitted to authorize any purchase.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
The experimenter who does not know what he is looking for will not understand
 what he finds.
 -- Claude Bernard
%%
The expert judgement of an institution, when the matters involve
continuation of the institution's operations, is totally predictable,
and hence the finding is totally worthless.
 -- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is the most likely
to be correct.
%%
The expression often used by Mr. Herbert Spencer of the Survival of
the Fittest is more accurate, and is sometimes equally convenient.
 -- Charles Darwin (1809-1882)
 -- The Origin of Species, Chap. iii
%%
The extreme always seems to make an impression.
 -- J.D., "Heathers", movie
%%
The extreme monotony of your life will cause you to hallucinate.
%%
The eye is not satisfied with seeing.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes i, 8
%%
The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen,
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The eye of the intellect "sees in all objects what it brought with
it the means of seeing."
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Varnhagen Von Ense's Memoirs, London and Westminster Review, 1838
%%
The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
 -- Publilius Syrus
%%
The eye sees not itself but by reflection, by some other things.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.
 -- Robertson Davies
%%
The eyes have one language everywhere.
 -- George Herbert
%%
The eyes of a fool are in the ends of the earth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvii, 24
%%
The eyes of taxes are upon you.
%%
The eyes of the emperor are everywhere.
 -- Brodrig
%%
The eyes of wolves are flowers fertilized in evil brains.
%%
The F-15 Eagle:
       If it's up, we'll shoot it down.  If it's down, we'll blow it up.
 -- A McDonnel-Douglas ad from a few years ago
%%
The F1 key is the key marked F1.
%%
The fabric of space-time continuum isn't merely curved, it's bent.
%%
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
The face of a penny can hold over thirty drops of water.
%%
The face of war has never changed.  Surely it is more logical to
  heal than to kill.
 -- Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.5.
%%
The fact, in short, is that freedom, to be meaningful in an organized
society, must consist of an amalgam of hierarchy of freedoms and restraints.
 -- Samuel Hendel
%%
The fact is, squire, the moment a man takes to a good pipe, he becomes
a philosopher; it's the poor man's friend; it calms the mind, soothes
the temper, and makes a man patient under troubles; it has made more
good men good husbands, kind masters, indulgent fathers and honest
fellows, than any other thing on this universal world.
 -- Richard Haliburton
%%
The fact is, that civilization requires slaves. The Greeks were quite
right there. Unless there are slaves to do the ugly, horrible,
uninteresting work, culture, and contemplation become almost
impossible. Human slavery is wrong, insecure, and demoralizing. On
mechanical slavery, on the slavery of the machine, the future of the
world depends.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The fact is that one side thinks that the profits to be won outweigh the risks
 to be incurred, and the other side is ready to face danger than accept an
 immediate loss.
 -- Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War
%%
The facts are unimportant!
It's what they are perceived to be
that determines the course of events.
%%
The FACTS keep interfering with my theories.
%%
The facts of life and death are neutral. We, by our responses, give
suffering either a positive or a negative meaning.
%%
The facts will make you paranoid.
%%
The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading
 down my SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the
 point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
 The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that
it is not utterly absurd; indeed in view of the silliness of the majority
of mankind, a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible.
 -- Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals
%%
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a
remarkable Christian forbearance among men.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
The fact that it works is immaterial.
 -- L. Ogborn
%%
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual
superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves
his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), What Is Man? (1906)
%%
The fact that not everyone is perfect can be most clearly illustrated by
 other people.
%%
The fact that people are poor or discriminated against
doesn't necessarily endow them with any special qualities
of justice, nobility, charity or compassion.
 -- Saul Alinsky
%%
The fact that slaughter is a horrifying spectacle must make us take war
more seriously, but not provide an excuse for gradually blunting our
swords in the name of humanity.  Sooner or later someone will come
along with a sharp sword and hack off our arms.
 -- Carl von Clausewitz
%%
The faculty expands its activity to fit whatever space is available,
so that more space is always required.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
The fairest garden in her looks,
And in her mind the wisest books.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- The Garden, i
%%
The fair, the chaste, and unexpressive she.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
The faith in which I was brought up assured me that I was better than
other people: I was saved, they were damned ... Our hymns were loaded
with arrogance--self-congratulation on how cozy we were with the
Almighty and what a high opinion he had of us, what hell everybody else
would catch come judgement day.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
The Faith that stands on authority is not faith.
 -- Emerson
%%
The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The Fall of a Watermelon: S. Platt
%%
The fallyng out of faithfull frends is the renuyng of loue.
 -- Richard Edwards (c. 1523-1566)
 -- The Paradise of Dainty Devices
%%
The falsely dramatic obscures the truly dull.
%%
The family that drools together, doesn't rhyme at all.
%%
The family that lays together, stays together.
%%
The family that modems together...seldom talks...
%%
The Family. The perseverance of the woman furthers.
%%
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
%%
The fancier a car is named, the more gas it is burning.
 -- Frank Jacobs
%%
The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the order
of space and time.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
The fan is working but the freon's leaked out.
%%
The fantastic advances in the field of communication constitute a
greater danger to the privacy of the individual.
 -- Earl Warren
%%
The farmer works the soil, the agriculturist works the farmer.
%%
 The farther a theater seat is from the aisle,
 the later the patron arrives.
 -- Borkon's Observation
%%
The farther away from the entrance of the market (theater, or any
other given location) that you have to park, the closer the space
vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.
 -- Judith deMille Berson
%%
The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
 -- Finnigan's Law
%%
The farther it gets from the bench it was worked on, the more real the real
world becomes.
 -- Todd Johnson
%%
The farther the experiment is from theory the closer it is to the Nobel Prize.
 -- Frederic Joliot-Curie, quoted by M.A. Markov
 -- A Random Walk in Science compiled by R. L. Weber, edited by E. Mendoza
%%
The farther you go, the less you know.
 -- Lao Tsu, "Tao Te Ching"
%%
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends on whether you are at the
 right or the wrong end of the gun.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
The fashion of this world passeth away.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians vii, 31
%%
The fashion these days is towards the tiny...
Well, in that case, Percy, you have the most fashionable brain in
  Britain.
 -- Percy and Edmund : Head
%%
The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
The faster I codes, the behinder I gets!
%%
The faster I go, the behinder I get.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.
 -- John H. Durrell
%%
The faster we go, the rounder we get.
 -- The Grateful Dead
%%
The faster you go, the shorter you are
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The fastest draw is when the sword never leaves the scabbard.
The strongest way to block is never to provoke a blow.
And the cleanest cut is the one withheld.
 -- "Kensho", by Dennis Schmidt
%%
The fastest way to get
something done is to determine that it isn't worth doing.
 -- Goebel's Second Law of Useless Difficulty
%%
The fatal facility of the octosyllabic verse.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Preface
%%
The fatality of good resolutions is that they're always too late.
 -- Wil
%%
The fate of all mankind I see is in the hands of fools.
%%
The fate of a nation has often depended on the good or bad digestion
of a Prime Minister.
 -- Voltaire
%%
The fate of nations is intimately bound up with their powers of
reproduction. All nations and all empires first felt decadence gnawing
at them when their birth rate fell off.
 -- Benito Mussolini (1883-1945)
%%
The fate of the country... does not depend on what
kind of paper you drop into the ballot box once a
year, but on what kind of man you drop from your
chamber into the street every morning.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ezekiel xviii, 2; (Jeremiah xxxi, 29.)
%%
The fathers of the field had been pretty confusing: John von Neumann
speculated about computers and the human brain in analogies
sufficiently wild to be worthy of a medieval thinker, and Alan
Turing thought about criteria to settle the question of whether
machines can think, a question of which we now know that it is about
as relevant as the question of whether submarines can swim.
 -- Edsger Dijkstra
%%
The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the Devil
 out of Heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth for bridge.
 -- Letter in New Libertarian Notes #19
%%
The fat is in the fire.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
The fattest hog in Epicurus' sty.
 -- William Mason (1725-1797)
 -- Heroic Epistle
%%
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves that
we are underlings.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems.
 -- Roger Levian
%%
The fault you find is not the one you were looking for.
%%
The fawning, sneaking, and flattering hypocrite, that will do, or
be anything, for his own advantage.
 -- Stillingfleet
%%
THE FBI does it under cover.
%%
The FCC came along and it said no more cigarette commercials on television
 ... I'd much rather watch a pretty girl offer me a cigarette than an old
 lady ask if I'm constipated.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
The fear of capitalism has compelled socialism to widen freedom,
and the fear of socialism has compelled capitalism to increase equality.
 -- Will and Ariel Durant
%%
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is
prepared to die at any time.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The fear of death is more to be dreaded than death itself.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 511
%%
The fear of death is the beginning of slavery.
%%
The Fear of God is second to Fear of Snakes.
%%
The fear of some divine and supreme powers keeps men in obedience.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
The fear of sponge-cats is the beginning of wisdom.
%%
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction.
 -- Proverbs 1:7
%%
The fear o' hell 's a hangman's whip
  To haud the wretch in order;
But where ye feel your honour grip,
  Let that aye be your border.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Epistle to a Young Friend
%%
The feature which you claim to have discovered in Unix is almost certainly
due to an act of God: why don't you read the documentation?
%%
The feature which you claim to have discovered in Unix is almost certainly
due to sheer incompetence: go away!
%%
The February born will find
Sincerity and peace of mind,
Freedom from passion and from care,
If they the Pearl will always wear.
%%
The federal procurement system is like a software system with bugs.
 Every time it's broken down, somebody has patched it.   But keeping
 it together is getting harder and harder and costing more money.
 And at that point, an experienced software engineer would throw up
 his hands and say, 'Hey! Let's toss this out and start over.'
 -- James Paul,
    House Science, Space, and Technology Committee's Subcommittee
   on Investigations and Oversight.
%%
The feeble minded are people who know the truth, but only affirm it as
consistent with their own interests. Apart from that, they denounce it.
 -- Pascal
%%
The feeble powers of the minor godling are not enough to
protect his altar! The altar crumbles away to dust.
You feel almost unbearably smug.
%%
The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full
life and having no time.  It is, rather, born of a vague fear that we
are wasting our life.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is
getting ready to skin you.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware
 store.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
The fellow who is a good sport has to lose to prove it.
%%
The feminist notion that the whole of human history has been nothing but a
vast intricate conspiracy by men to enslave their wives, mothers, daughters,
and sisters presents us with an intellectual neurosis for which we do not yet
have a name.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The fewer clear facts you have in support of an opinion,
the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion.
%%
The fewer functions any device is required to perform,
the more perfectly it can perform those functions.
%%
The fewer our wants, the nearer we resemble the gods.
 -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
The fewer the facts, the easier the solution!
%%
The fewer the facts, the greater the magic.
%%
The fewer the words, the better the prayer.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
The few. The proud. The decent taglines.
%%
The few, the proud, the incurably insane--The Concom.
%%
The Few, the Proud, the REGISTERED!
%%
The few, the proud, the Windows 3.0 & SX owners.
%%
The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy
of the women who love me.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "The Philanderer"
%%
The field cannot well be seen from within the field
 -- Emerson
%%
The fields were fruitful, and starving men moved on the roads.  The
granaries were full and the children of the poor grew up rachitic, and
the pustules of pellagra swelled on their side.  The great companies did
not know that the line between hunger and anger is a thin line.
 -- John Steinbeck (1902-1968) "The Grapes of Wrath"
%%
The Fifth Commandment for C programmers:
Thou shalt check thy array bounds of all strings (indeed, all arrays), for
surely where thou typest foo someone someday shall type
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The fight is what's important.   Doing
 what is good and right is why we're here.
 The end is variable and relative.  A person
 can only do what his heart tells him and
 break away from the terrible things
 around him.  We do what we can ... and live
 with the consequences.
 -- Marc Zanoni
%%
The Fights and a rugby Game broke out.
%%
The filename is MUF15.ZIP
%%
The filter has discreting sources.
 -- KSC FIDO, 1/28/86
%%
The Finagle Factor is characterized by changing the Universe to fit
the equation.
%%
The final answer will exceed the magnitude or precision or both of
the calculator.
%%
The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.
 -- Maurice Chapelain
%%
The final DOS version of Borg...ClintonBorg!
%%
The Final Jeopardy Answer is 42.  Write your questions.
%%
The final lesson of Viet Nam is that no great nation
can long afford to be sundered by a memory.
 -- George Bush, 1989 Inaugural Address
%%
"THE FINAL SOLUTION"
by Prof Yoshe Cohen
A new and dynamic look at calculus
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men
the conviction and will to carry on.
 -- Walter J. Lippmann
%%
The final twitch of Political Correctness grand peur has to do with the
 age-old fear of antinomian beastliness, lesbians holding black masses over
 copies of Derrida and so forth.
 -- Alexander Cockburn
%%
The finding of threats to security by a security office is totally
predictable, and hence the finding is totally worthless.
 -- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
The fineness which a hymn or psalm affords
If when the soul unto the lines accords.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- A True Hymn
%%
The finest bosom in nature is not so fine as what imagination forms.
%%
The finest clothes turn to rags.
Be careful all day long.
%%
The finest edge is made with the blunt whetstone.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 47
%%
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
%%
The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire.
 -- Richard M. Nixon, former U.S. president
%%
The fires of righteous indignation may yield a pleasant feeling of warmth,
but they don't get the food cooked.
 -- Robert Mathiesen
%%
The firmest friendships have been formed in mutual adversity, as
iron is most strongly welded by the fiercest fire.
%%
The firmness with which the people have withstood the late abuses of
the press, the discernment they have manifested between truth and
falsehood, show that they may be safely trusted to hear everything
true and false, and to form a correct judgment between them.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, letter to Judge John Tyler, Jun. 28, 1804
%%
The first 10,000 times don't count.
%%
The First Amendment has erected a wall of separation between
church and state, but that wall is a one directional wall; it
keeps the government from running the church, but it makes sure
that Christian principles will always stay in government.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Jan 1, 1802, address to the Danbury Baptists
%%
The First Amendment is often inconvenient. But that is besides the point.
Inconvenience does not absolve the government of its obligation to tolerate
speech.
 -- Justice Anthony Kennedy
%%
The First Amendment was designed to protect offensive speech,
because nobody ever tries to ban the other kind.
 -- Mike Godwin, staff counsel, EFF
%%
The first and great commandment is, Don't let them scare you.
 -- Elmer Davis
%%
The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat oneself. All sin is
easy after that.
 -- Baily
%%
The first blonde is the cheapest.
%%
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
 of your eyes.
 -- Drew's Law of Highway Biology
%%
The First Church of Binary Science.  (The Digitarians)
%%
The First Commandment for C programmers:
Thou shalt run lint frequently and study its pronouncements with
care, for verily its perception and judgement oft exceed thine.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The first condition of immortality is death.
 -- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
The first creation of God in the works of the days was the light of the
sense, the last was the light of the reason; and his Sabbath work ever
since is the illumination of the spirit.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny.
%%
The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another.
The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month.
 -- Henry van Dyke
%%
The first draught a man drinks ought to be for thirst, the second
for nourishment, the third for pleasure, the fourth for madness.
%%
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
 Abbie Hoffman
%%
The first duty of love is to listen.
 -- Paul Tillich
%%
The firste vertue, sone, if thou wilt lere,
Is to restreine and kepen wel thy tonge.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Manciples Tale, Line 17281
%%
The first example of permanent press was an Egyptian mummy.
 -- Shelby Friedman
%%
The first example of superior principle is always inferior to the
developed example of inferior principle.
%%
The first favourite was never heard of, the second favourite was never
seen after the distance post, all the ten-to-oners were in the rear,
and a dark horse
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- The Young Duke, Book i, Chap. v
%%
The first function of a bureaucracy is to keep intact the bureaucracy.
%%
The first gift of maturity is the ability to look a child straight
in the eye.
 -- John Francis Putnam (1964)
%%
The first golf balls were made out of small leather bags stuffed with
feathers.
%%
The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents and the second half by
our children.
 -- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
The first human being who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder
of civilization.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
The first hundred years are the hardest.
 -- American Soldiers (in France, 1917)
%%
The first idea that the child must acquire, in order to be actively
disciplined, is that of the difference between good and evil; and
the task of the educator lies in seeing that the child does not confuse
good with immobility, and evil with activity.
 -- Maria Montessori
%%
The first impression one gets of a new ruler and his brains is from
seeing the men he has chosen to have around him.
%%
The first in banquets, but the last in fight.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iv, Line 401
%%
The first in glory, as the first in place.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 441
%%
The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next, good sense,
the third, good humor, and the fourth, wit.
 -- Sir William Temple
%%
The First Liar Never Has A Chance
%%
The first lubricant for wheels was caster oil.
%%
The first man is of the earth, earthy.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xv, 47
%%
The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was
obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.
 -- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
%%
The first man who compared a woman to a flower was a poet,
the second an imbecile.
%%
The first mistake in public business is the going into it.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
The first multitasker - Two XT's and a chair with wheels.
%%
 The first myth of management is that it exists.
 -- Heller's Law
 Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.
 -- Johnson's Corollary
%%
The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth
 of management is that success equals skill.
 -- Robert Heller
%%
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
 -- Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules
%%
The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency;
the second is war.  Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a
permanent ruin.  But both are the refuge of political and economic
opportunists.
 -- Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961)
%%
The first person to say talk is cheap was probably not a psychoanalyst.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
 -- Lewis's Law of Travel
%%
The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to
find it.
 -- Law of The Search
%%
The first plan is simple. Kill Bob.
Never!
Then try the second. Kill yourself!
Mmm...and the third?
The third is to ensure that no-one _ever_ knows...
Ah! That sounds more like it! How?
Kill _everyone_ in the _whole world_ ....hahahahahaha (insane laughter)
Ah..ha.
 -- Wise Woman and Edmund : Bells
%%
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself -- and you are the
easiest person to fool. So you have to be very careful about that. After
you've not fooled yourself, it's easy not to fool other scientists.
 -- Richard P. Feynman (1918-1988), "Cargo Cult Science"
 -- from "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman" (1985)
%%
The first requirement of a statesman is that he be dull. This is not always
 easy to achieve.
 -- Dean Acheson
%%
The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that
he should be able and willing to pull his own weight.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
 -- Paul Erlich
%%
The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving
 your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
 -- McCloctnik the Lucid
%%
The first sample is always the best.
 -- William K. Wright
%%
The first sign of age ... is when you go out into the streets ... and
 recognize for the first time how young the policemen look.
 -- Seymour Hicks
%%
The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start
thinking your work is terribly important.
 -- Milo Bloom
%%
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself.
 Schizophrenia is when you start getting answers.
%%
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that
the volume knob also turns to the left.
%%
The first sign of Spring in Chicago: floods.
%%
The first step in effecting a cure is to be able to diagnose the nature of
 the disease.
%%
The first step in fixing a broken program is getting it to fail repeatedly.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
The first step is always to succeed in becoming surprised - to notice that
there is something funny going on.
 -- David Gelernter, The Muse in the Machine
%%
tHE fIRST sTEP iS tO tAKE oFF tHE cAPS lOCK.
%%
The first step to a person's heart is to confuse the fuck out of 'em.
%%
The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant.
 -- Richard Cecil
%%
The first stereophonic BBS.
%%
The first symptom of love in a young man is timidity, in a girl it
is boldness. The two sexes have a tendency to approach, and each
assumes the qualities of the other.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
The first ten million years were the worst.
%%
The first thing I do in the morning
is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
 -- D. Parker
%%
The first thing in life is to assume a pose. What the second one is, no one
 has yet discovered.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.
%%
The first thing to do when you're being stalked by an angry mob with
 raspberries is to release a tiger.
 -- John Cleese
%%
The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself.  Then, I told myself, "Go
 ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
%%
The first thing you learn as a life insurance salesman is never refer to
premiums as the layaway plan.
%%
The first thing you should do when you win an Oscar is thank God. The
 second thing you should do is forget it. The third thing you should do is
 call your agent and tell him you need a job.
 -- Rod Steiger
%%
The first three minutes of your life can be dangerous ...
The last three can be pretty dodgy too!
%%
The first time I opened a Big Mac I thought: It's been eaten already.
 -- Jasper Carrott
%%
The first time, it's a KLUDGE!
The second, a trick.
Later, it's a well-established technique!
 -- Mike Broido, Intermetrics
%%
The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The
second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same
with men.
 -- Lupe Velez
%%
The first two days of vacation are endless, then it flies.
%%
The first version always gets thrown away.
%%
The first wealth is health.
 -- Emerson, The Conduct of Life
%%
The first who was king was a fortunate soldier:
Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Merope, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The first words said upon landing on the moon were
"Contact light. Okay, engine stop. ACA out of detent.
Modes control both auto, descent engine command override, off.
Engine arm off. 413 is in."
Then from Mission Control: "We copy you down, Eagle."
Eagle: "Houston, Tranquility Base here, the Eagle has landed."
Source: Dave Dooling "L+25: A Quarter Century After the Apollo Landing"
in IEEE Spectrum July 1994, p. 25.
The words from the Eagle were also spoken by Armstrong.
%%
    The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf,
ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
The first year [1977] I spent getting my family moved to Washington.
The second year I ran for re-election. Then as soon as I was elected,
I started running for the Senate.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, describing his career
     in the House of Representatives
%%
The first year he talks and she listens. The second year she talks and he
 listens. The third year they both talk and the neighbors listen.
 -- Donald McGill
%%
THE FISHING FORECAST: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea.
But who wants to go out with a fish?
%%
The fish in the sea are as good as the fish removed.
%%
The fish that escaped is the big one.
%%
The fit 's upon me now!
Come quickly, gentle lady;
The fit 's upon me now.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Wit Without Money, Act v, Sc. 4
%%
The five most commonly used words in written English are:
the, of, and, a, to.
%%
The flagships of the British and American fleets were passing each
other sometime ago. The admiral of the American fleet signaled to the
British Admiral: 'How is the world's second largest navy?'. The
British admiral signaled back: 'Very well thank you. How is the
world's second best?'
%%
The flame of anger, bright and brief, sharpens the barb of love.
 -- Walter S. Landor
%%
The flash and outbreak of a fiery mind,
A savageness in unreclaimed blood.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of
 the chambermaid.
 -- In a Yugoslavian hotel
%%
...the flaw that makes perfection perfect.
%%
The flighty purpose never is o'ertook,
Unless the deed go with it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The flood has arrived, may we interest you in an ark?
%%
The flood of my tears washed out the bridge of my nose.
%%
The floor is littered with worthless shards of pottery.
%%
The Florida Panthers The NHL's Real Dream Team.
%%
The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program
documentation.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
The flowers of the forest are a' wide awae.
 -- Jane Elliott (1727-1805)
 -- The Flowers of the Forest
%%
The FL SINGLES echo is on Region 18 Backbone! Everyone's Welcome!!
%%
The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
 -- Alan Coult
%%
The fly of the coach.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- Book vii, Fable 9
%%
The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on
 the flyswatter.
 -- Lichtenberg
%%
The fly that sips treacle is lost in the sweets.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The Beggar's Opera, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
...the fog is rising.
 -- Last words of Emily Dickinson
%%
The FOLDGERS crystals won't take much more, Captain!
%%
The folks at Smith-Barney do it "the old fashioned way".
%%
The following are from a collection of things elementary school kids said when
asked about scientific facts:

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.  Evaporation gets
blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions
are things that are still all mixed up.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
%%
The following is not for the weak of heart or
Fundamentalists.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
(The following is the large-type attention-getting part of a flyer
advertising Princeton University's amateur mime group. Reprinted
without permission, though I doubt they'd mind the extra circulation.)
 CALL 900-HOT-MIME
 for SILENT FANTASIES
 "Our mime is in the gutter."
%%
The following statement is true.
The preceding statement is false.
%%
The following ties in nicely with another thread (What is music?)
All I know about music is that not many people ever really hear it.  And even t
hen, on the rare occasions that something opens within, and the music enters, w
hat we mainly hear, or hear corraborated, are personal, private, vanishing evoc
ations.  But the man who creates the music is hearing somethin else, is dealing
 with the roar rising from the void, and imposing order on it as it hits the ai
r.  What is evoked in him, then, is of another order, more terrible because it
has no wards, and more triumphant, too, for that same reason.  And his triumph,
 when he triumphs, is ours.
 -- James Baldwin Sonny's Blues
%%
The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a
torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an
oracle, is inborn in us.
 -- Paul Valery, 1895
%%
The food that I like best- the food that makes me hungry just to think of- is
very simple. When I cook I try never to get too far away from that kind of
simplicity.
 -- Jeremiah Tower
%%
The food that to him now is as luscious as locusts, shall be to him
shortly as bitter as coloquintida.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xiv, 1; liii, 1
%%
 The foolish reject what they see, not what they think; the wise reject what
   they think, not what they see.
 -- Huang Po
%%
The fool of fate,--thy manufacture, man.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xx, Line 254
%%
The fool of nature stood with stupid eyes
And gaping mouth, that testified surprise.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Cymon and Iphigenia, Line 107
%%
The football team of Texas A&M took an IQ test.
High point man was the Tackling Dummy.
%%
The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground.
 -- Buddha
%%
The footprint of the owner is the best manure.
%%
The footprints run crisscross.
If one is seriously intent, no blame.
%%
The FORCE is looking for a few good people.
%%
The Force?     No!  The Schwartz!
%%
The force of gravity on the moon is a fraction of the gravity on the
earth, so the moon would not be able to attract the pen to inself.
Rather, it would only be able to suspend the pen.
 -- The Pen Is Mightier Than the Moon Hall of Fame
%%
The forces of a capitalist society, if left unchecked, tend to make the
rich richer and the poor poorer.
 -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
The forces of evil can marshal even more support than the forces of good,
 especially when pizza is served.
 -- unknown
%%
The forces of good and evil are working within and around me, I must
choose, and in a free will universe I do have a choice.
 -- Sovereign
%%
[The Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people
who want some.
 -- Dwight MacDonald
%%
The foremost cartographers of the land have prepared this for you.
  (Hands Edmund a scroll)...It's a map of the area you'll be traversing
  (Edmund unrolls it ; it is blank on both sides)...They'd be very
  grateful if you could just fill it in as you go along...
 -- Melchett : Potato
%%
The foremost man of all this world.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
The forest is safe because a lion lives therein and
the lion is safe because it lives in a forest.
Likewise the friendship of persons rests on mutual help.
 -- Laukikanyay
%%
The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
The fortuitous or casual concourse of atoms.
 -- Richard Bentley (1662-1742)
 -- Sermons, vii, Works, Vol. iii, p. 147 (1692)
%%
The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
 a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
%%
The Fortuneteller: Reid Palms
%%
The founding fathers tried to set up a system where a man got a fair
trial, not a system to let him get off on technicalities.
%%
The Founding Fathers warned us about this!
%%
The fountain code has been tightened slightly so you can no longer dip objects
into a fountain or drink from one while you are floating in mid-air due to
levitation.
Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the
character does not have fire resistance.
 -- README file from the NetHack game
%%
The four basic personality types:
1)  The glass is half full
2)  The glass is half empty
3)  Half full... No! Wait! Half empty!... No, half... What was the question?
4)  Hey!  I ordered a cheeseburger!
 -- The Far Side, Gary Larson
%%
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and
vinyl.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
The four cornerstones of character on which the structure of this nation
was built are: Initiative, Imagination, Individuality, and Independence
 -- Edward Rickenbacker
%%
The Fourth Commandment for C programmers:
If thy header files fail to declare them thyself the return types of thy
library functions, thou shalt declare them thyself with the most
meticulous care, lest grievous harm befall thy program.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the
Son of Man hath not where to lay his head.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew viii, 20
%%
The fox provides for himself, but God provides for the lion.
%%
The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.
 -- Hada Bejar
%%
The Framers [of the Constitution] knew that free speech is the friend
of change and revolution. But they also knew that it is always the
deadliest enemy of tyranny.
 -- Hugo L. Black (1886-1871), U.S. Supreme Court justice
 -- Address, New York University School of Law, 1960
%%
The Freedom Line - Where are all our POW's?
%%
The freedom of poetic license.
 -- Cicero (43 BC)
%%
The freedom to make mistakes makes for the better forms of creativity, but
 creativity varies inversely with the number of mechanics trying to solve
 the problem.
%%
The freeman casting with unpurchased hand
The vote that shakes the turrets of the land.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- Poetry, a Metrical Essay
%%
The French boys will be naught.
Their minds do chiefly run on the propagation of their race.
%%
The French Chef: Sue Flay
%%
The French defense isn't...
%%
The French for London is Paris.
 -- Ionesco
%%
The French fries are great. You can eat those or use them as dental floss.
 And the triple-thick milk shakes. Which you can drink or take home--pave
 the new driveway in front of your house ... They have home delivery now.
 They'll bring those big juicy delicious hamburgers right to your house. And
 if you're not home, don't worry about it. 'Cause they'll slip 'em right
 under the door.
 -- Mike Preminger
%%
The Frenchman's darling.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 765
%%
[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
The friendly undertaker signs his letters "Eventually yours".
%%
The friend of a conquerer is but the last victim.
%%
The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, grapple them to
thy soul with hooks of steel; but do not dull thy palm with entertainment
of each new hatched, unfledged comrade.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The frightening thing is not dying,
the frightening thing is not living.
 -- T-Bone Burnett
%%
The fringed curtains of thine eye advance.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The fruits of all our labors have left us as we started.  To grow
without is not to grow within.
 -- Dave Winer
%%
Theft Among Arthropods: The Lieutenants
%%
Theft and Robbery: Andy Tover
%%
The fullest instruction, and the fullest enjoyment are never derived
from books, till we have ventilated the ideas thus obtained, in free
and easy chat with others.
 -- William Matthews
%%
The full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the
number of your kids by 32 teeth.
%%
The full parsing of the verb "To Conform" is:
        I conform to
        You are compatible with
        He/she/it locks himself into
%%
The fully interchangeable BBS.
%%
The function of an ideal is not to be realized but, like that of the North
Star, to serve as a guiding point.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The function of freedom is to free somebody else.
 -- Toni Morrison
%%
The function of genius is not to give new answers,
but to pose new questions - which time and mediocrity can solve.
 -- Hugh Trevor-Roper, "Men and Events"
%%
The function of Science Fiction is not to predict the future, but to prevent
it.
 -- Ray Bradbury
%%
The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level.
 -- Norman Mailer
%%
The function of the expert is not to be more right than other people, but to
be wrong for more sophisticated reasons.
 -- Dr. David Butler
%%
The function of the intellectual has always been confined, in the main,
to embellishing the bored existence of the bourgeoisie, to consoling
the rich in the trivial troubles of their life.  The intelligentsia
was the nurse of the capitalist class.      It was kept busy embroidering
white stitches on the philosophical and ecclesiastical vestments of the
bourgeoisie -- that old and filthy fabric, besmeared so thickly with the
blood of the toiling masses.
 -- Maxim Gorky (1868-1936)
%%
The function of the law is not to provide justice or to preserve
freedom.  The function of the law is to keep those who hold power, in
power.
 -- Gerry Spence 'From Freedom to Slavery,' 1993
%%
The fundamental evil of the world arose from the fact that the good
Lord has not created money enough.
 -- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)
%%
The fundamental idea of good is that it consists in preserving life, in
favoring it, in wanting to bring it to its highest value, and evil consists
in destroying life, doing it injury, hindering its development.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
The fundamental idea of modern capitalism is not the right of the
individual to possess and enjoy what he has earned, but the thesis that
the exercise of this right redounds to the general good.
 -- Ralph Barton Perry
%%
The fundamental principle of science, the definition almost, is this:
the sole test of the validity of any idea is experiment.
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988)
%%
The fundamental problem of representative government is that
the people who would be best for the job least want it, and vice versa.
%%
The fundamental purpose animating the Faith of God and His Religion is to
 safeguard the interests and promote the unity of the human race, and to foster
 the spirit of love and fellowship amongst men. Suffer it not to become a
 source of dissension and discord, of hate and enmity.

Religion is verily the chief instrument for the establishment of order in the
 world and of tranquillity amongst it's peoples...The greater the decline of
 religion, the more grievous the waywardness of the ungodly. This cannot but
 lead in the end to chaos and confusion.
 -- Baha'u'llah, a selection from the Baha'i scripture
%%
The fungus can destroy even the notebook.
%%
The fun part is to get her to purrrr!
%%
The further an individual is from the poorhouse, the more expert
one becomes on the ghetto.
 -- James L. Davis
%%
The further away from home you are the harder your pecker gets.
%%
The further away the disaster or accident occurs, the
greater the number of dead and injured required for it to
become a story.
 -- Fuller's Law of Journalism
%%
The further off new technological developments are the better they look.
%%
The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it
seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the
fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving
after rational knowledge.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The further you are from the facts of a situation, the more you tend
to believe news coverage of the situation.
%%
The further you get into the suburbs the bigger women's hairstyles get.
 -- Billy Jaye
%%
The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a column is in
direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.
 -- Alan Deitz
%%
The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past,
  only far more expensive.
 -- John Sladek
%%
The future belongs to him who knows how to wait.
 -- Russian Proverb
%%
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
The future belongs to those who dare.
%%
The future can be anything we want it to be, providing we have the faith
and that we realize that peace, no less than war, required "blood, sweat
and tears."
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality.
%%
The future has a bad attitude.
%%
The future influences the present just as much as the past.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
The future is a convienient place for dreams.
 -- A. France
%%
The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
%%
The future is bright in affairs of the heart.
%%
The future is like heaven - everyone exalts it,
but no one wants to go there now.
 -- James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name", 1961
%%
The future is much more difficult to predict than the past.
%%
The future is no more uncertain than the present.
%%
The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered
by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the
mind and will, created next in activity.  The future is not some place
we are going to, but one we are creating.  The paths are not to be
found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the
maker and the destination.
 -- John Schaar, futurist
%%
The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make.
%%
The future is not what it used to be. (It never was.)
%%
The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of
sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't
doing now.
%%
The future lies ahead.
%%
The future lies ahead.  The past lies, lies, lies...
%%
The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.
 -- George Meredith
%%
The future of "I give" is "you take."
%%
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!
%%
The future was yesterday.
%%
The future will be a better tomorrow.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
The future will bring you great success in business and in your home life.
%%
The gadding vine.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 40
%%
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the
business known as gambling.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
The game is difficult when an opponent changes the rules.
%%
The game isn't over till it's over.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
The game is supposed to be fun. If you have a bad day, don't worry about
 it. You can't expect to get a hit every game.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
The game is up.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
The game of hockey is never called off on account of lost blood.
%%
The game of hockey is never called off on account of missing teeth.
%%
The game of life is a game of boomerangs.
Our thougths, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later,
with astounding accuracy.
 -- Florence Scovel Shinn
%%
The game of life is always called on account of darkness.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand,
as playing a poor hand well.
 -- T. H. Leslie
%%
The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
The game's a little bit wide open again.
%%
The games have always strengthened us.  Death becomes a familiar
  pattern.  We don't fear it as you do.
 -- Proconsul Marcus Claudius, "Bread and Circuses," stardate 4041.2.
%%
The gamester, if he die a martyr to his profession, is doubly ruined.
He adds his soul to every other's loss, and by the act of suicide,
renounces earth to forfeit heaven.
 -- Colton
%%
The garbage bag full of leaves or wrapping paper or cardboard boxes
will never break.  The garbage bag full of egg shells, coffee grounds,
and potato salad will always break.
%%
The Garden State: Ida Hoe
%%
The gas-station attendant looks at the car and says, "You got a flat tire."
 I said, "No, the other three just swelled up."
 -- Bill Engval
%%
The gates of hell are open night and day; Smooth the descent, and
easy is the way; But to return, and view the cheerful skies, In this
the task and mighty labor dies.
 -- Dryden
%%
The gaudy, blabbing, and remorseful day
Is crept into the bosom of the sea.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The gay motes that people the sunbeams.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 8
%%
The geeks shall inherit the earth.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
%%
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
%%
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
%%
The general himself ought to be such a one as can at the same time
see both forward and backward.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Whether an Aged Man ought to meddle in State Affairs
%%
The general prizes most the fortress which took the longest siege.
 -- Edward Garrett
%%
The general root of superstition is that men observe when things hit, and
 not when they miss, and commit to memory the one, and pass over the other.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon 1561-1626
%%
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
 -- Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory
%%
The Generation that'd change the world is still lookin for its car keys!
%%
The genius of Einstein leads to Hiroshima.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Remark to Francoise Gilot, 1946
%%
The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves,
 only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that
 there may be something to them we are missing.
 -- Gamel Abdel Nasser
%%
The gentleman behing me struck me on the backside.  He then went to rest
 in the bush with just his rear end showing.
%%
The gentleman has not seen how to reply to this, otherwise than by
supposing me to have advanced the doctrine that a national debt is
a national blessing.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Second Speech on Foot's Resolution, Jan. 26, 1830, p. 303
%%
The gentleman is not in your books.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
The gentleman [Josiah Quincy] cannot have forgotten his own sentiment,
uttered even on the floor of this House, "Peaceably if we can, forcibly
if we must."
 -- Henry Clay (1777-1852)
 -- Speech, 1813
%%
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
%%
The gentle minde by gentle deeds is knowne;
For a man by nothing is so well bewrayed
As by his manners.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book vi, Canto iii, St. 1
%%
The Gentle. Success through what is small.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
It furthers one to see the great man.
%%
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
%%
The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury.
Due north of the center we find the South End.
This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies
directly east from the South End.
North of the South End is East Boston
and southwest of East Boston is the North End.
%%
The German Bank Robbery: Hans Zupp
%%
The German has no idea how much the people must be misled if the support
of the masses is required.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf"
%%
The German tongue. Fleshy, warped, spit-sprayed, purplish and cruel.
 -- Jack Gladney, from White Noise
%%
The ghost of a chicken is a poultrygiest.
%%
The ghost of things to be avoided.
%%
The giant panda lives in bamboo thickets and feeds on bamboo shoots. There
 are only thirty-six giant pandas left. The reason there are only thirty-six
 giant pandas left is the shortage of bamboo shoots, which the natives eat
 in great quantities, especially with baked giant panda.
 -- Jack Douglas
%%
The gift of happiness belongs to those who unwrap it.
 -- Andrew Dunbar
%%
The gingham dog and the calico cat...
 -- Eugene Field
%%
The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
%%
The girl had as many curves as a scenic railway.
%%
The girl in the omnibus has one of those faces of marvellous beauty which
 are seen casually in the streets but never among one's friends.  Where do
 these women come from?  Who marries them?  Who knows them?
%%
The girl of your dreams is unavailable except in print.
%%
The girl who stoops to conquer usually wears a low-cut dress.
%%
 the girl with the big wardrobe who started with just a little slip?
 -- Hear about...
%%
The giving hand ... receives.
%%
The gladsome light of jurisprudence.
 -- Sir Edward Coke (1549-1634)
 -- First Institute
%%
The glass is half full--and what's in it has gone rancid.
%%
The glories of our blood and state
  Are shadows, not substantial things;
There is no armour against fate;
  Death lays his icy hands on kings.
 -- James Shirley (1596-1666)
 -- Contention of Ajax and Ulysses, Sc. 3
%%
The glorious failures and the glorious victories...
%%
The glorious fault of angels and of gods.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- To the Memory of an Unfortunate Lady, Line 14
%%
The glory of a firm, capacious mind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 262
%%
The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity.
And in the way our differences combine to create meaning and beauty.
 -- Dr. Miranda Jones and Spock,
 -- "Is There in Truth No Beauty?," stardate 5630.8
%%
The glory of great men should always be measured by the means
they have used
to acquire it.
 -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
The glory of the nation rests in the character of her men.  And
character comes from boyhood.  Thus every boy is a challenge to his
elders.
 -- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964)
%%
The glove is on the other foot now.
%%
The glow-worm shows the matin to be near,
And 'gins to pale his uneffectual fire.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately
 defeat him.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
The goal of all life is death.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
The goal of civilization is settled life and the achievement of luxury.
But there is a limit which cannot be overstepped. When prosperity and luxury
come to a people, they are followed by excessive consumption and extravagance.
With that the human soul itself is undermined both in its worldly well-being
and in its spiritual life.
 -- Ibn Khaldun
%%
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will
last at least until we've finished building it.
%%
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
 The goal of nature is to build better mice.
%%
The goal of yesterday will be the starting point of tomorrow.
 -- Carlyle
%%
The Goddess does not seek worship--she rejoices in
being vividly imagined.
%%
The Goddess is alive, and magick is afoot...
%%
The Goddess loves you...But wait until She's had her coffee.
%%
The god of my idolatry.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The god of the cannibals will be a cannibal, of the crusaders a
crusader, and of the merchants a merchant.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The gods are just, and of our pleasant vices
Make instruments to plague us.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
The gods aren't crazy - they're only drunk.
%%
The gods can either take away evil from the world and will not, or,
being willing to do so cannot; or they neither can nor will, or lastly,
they are both able and willing. If they have the will to remove evil
and cannot, then they are not omnipotent. If they can, but will not,
then they are not benevolent. If they are neither able nor willing,
then they are neither omnipotent nor benevolent. Lastly, if they are
both able and willing to annihilate evil, how does it exist?
 -- Epicurus
 -- Aphorisms, c. 300 B.C.
%%
The gods do not protect fools.  Fools are protected by more capable
fools.
 -- "Ringworld"
%%
The Gods don't like competition.
%%
The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.
 They gave him love and he invented marriage.
%%
The gods looked with favour on superior courage.
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD)
 -- Historiae, iv, 17
%%
The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of
the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in
their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they
don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot
missionaries on sight.
 -- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)
%%
The gods plant reason in mankind, of all good gifts the highest.
 -- Sophocles
%%
The gods play games with men as pieces.
 -- Titus Maccius Plautus (254?-184 B.C.)
%%
The gods too are fond of a joke.
 -- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
%%
The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- Summary View of the Rights of British America
%%
The god you don't believe in, I don't believe in either.
%%
The golden age never was the present age.
%%
The Golden Age will come only when men have forgotten gold.
%%
The golden hours on angel wings
  Flew o'er me and my dearie;
For dear to me as light and life
  Was my sweet Highland Mary.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Highland Mary
%%
The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is
your move.
 -- Frank Crane
%%
The Golden Rule is that there are no golden rules.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
The golden rule of conduct ... is mutual toleration, seeing that we will
never all think alike and we shall always see Truth in fragment and
from different points of vision.
 -- Mohandas K. Gandhi
%%
The golden years suck.
%%
The golf swing is like sex: you can't be thinking of the mechanics of the
 act while you're doing it.
 -- Dave Hill
%%
The good are better made by ill,
As odours crushed are sweeter still.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Jacqueline, Stanza 3
%%
The Good Breakfast: Hammond Deggs
%%
The good burghers of Redwood City have outlawed the frying of gravy.
%%
The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who
 make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians
 have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine
 man in the bonds of Hell.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
 to be good.
%%
The good die young. That is why immortality
 is reserved for the greatest of evils.
 -- Daniel Baldwin
%%
The good fairy glints: Would you like a wish?
The good fairy glows: Are you sure?
The good fairy radiates: Really really sure?
The good fairy beams: I mean, like, sure as sure can be?
The good fairy dazzles: You don't want a wish, right?
The good fairy laughs: I thought not.
%%
The good have no need of an advocate.
 -- Phocion (317 BC)
%%
The good he scorn'd
Stalk'd off reluctant, like an ill-used ghost,
Not to return; or if it did, in visits
Like those of angels, short and far between.
 -- Robert Blair (1699-1747)
 -- The Grave, Part ii, Line 586
%%
The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean
that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are
happy you will be good.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle.
Unless you die of something.
 -- Guindon
%%
The good lord willing and the board don't crash.
%%
The good man is the friend of all living things.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
The good man is the teacher of the bad,
And the bad is the material from which the good may learn.
He who does not value the teacher,
Or greatly care for the material,
Is greatly deluded although he may be learned.
Such is the essential mystery.
 -- Lao-Tzu (fl. BC 600)
%%
The good man prolongs his life; to be able to enjoy one's past life
is to live twice.
 -- Martial (40-102 AD)
 -- Epigram x, 23
%%
The good need fear no law, It is his safety, and the bad man's awe.
 -- Massinger, Middleton, and Rowley
%%
The good news is: I'm a perfectionist. The bad news is:
I charge by the hour.
%%
The good old days are now in progress.
%%
The good thing about prison is that you never have to wonder what to wear.
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
The Gordian knot couldn't be untied either.
%%
The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair.  They looked like women only
more horrible.
%%
The Government also criticised the Opposition policy on
optometry, accusing it of being short-sighted.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
The government claims it's following the will of the people.
I didn't even know we'd died!
%%
The government economist virus
  Nothing works, but all the diagnostic software says everything is
  fine.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The government has just completed work on a faulty missile;
nicknamed 'Civil Servant', it won't work and they can't fire it.
%%
The Government instituted forms on which to order other forms, to cover the
 difficulty of what to do in the event you run out of forms to use in your
 regular work. You go and get a form to order more forms. And yes, you
 guessed it, there is a form to order forms to order forms to order forms to
 order forms. Well, you get the picture here...
%%
The government is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding government.
%%
The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of
statistics.  These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are
extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive
displays.   What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every
case, the figures are first put down by a village watchman, and he puts
down anything he damn well pleases.
 -- Sir Josiah Stamp
%%
The Government just announced today the creation of the Neutron Bomb II.
 Similar to the Neutron Bomb, the Neutron Bomb II not only kills people
 and leaves buildings standing, but also does a little light housekeeping.
 --    from Global Village News on Nickelodeon
%%
    The government of England was a limited mockery.  Henry VIII found walking
difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.  Queen Elizabeth was the "Vir-
gin Queen."  As a queen she was a success.  When Elizabeth exposed herself be-
fore her troops, they all shouted "hurrah."  Then her navy went out and
defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
The gown does not make the friar.
 -- Proverb
%%
The grace of God means something like:  Here is your life.  You might
never have been, but you are because the party wouldn't have been
complete without you.  Here is the world.  Beautiful and terrible
things will happen.  Don't be afraid.  I am with you.  Nothing can
ever separate us.  It's for you I created the universe.  I love you.
There's only one catch.
Like any other gift, the gift of grace can be yours only if you'll
reach out and take it.  Maybe being able to reach out and take it
is a gift too.
 -- Frederick Buechner
%%
The Grail is hidden in the Castle of AAAUUGGGGHHHH!
%%
The grand act of a dying institution is to issue a
newly revised, enlarged edition of the policies and procedures manual.
 -- Hoffer's Discovery
%%
The grand essentials to happiness in this life are
something to do, something to love and something to hope for.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed,
by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
The grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail; because
man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xii, 5
%%
The grass is always greener on the other fellow's grave.
%%
The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
%%
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
The Grass is Brown on BOTH sides of the Fence...
%%
The grass may be greener on the far side of the hill, but the dope is
blackest at home.
%%
The grass stoops not, she treads on it so light.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Venus and Adonis, Line 1027
%%
The grate is now locked.
%%
The grate is now unlocked.
%%
The gratitude of most men is but a secret desire of receiving greater benefits.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 298
%%
The gratitude of place-expectants is a lively sense of future favours.
 -- Sir Robert Walpole (1676-1745)
%%
The Grave, dread thing!
Men shiver when thou 'rt named: Nature, appall'd,
Shakes off her wonted firmness.
 -- Robert Blair (1699-1747)
 -- The Grave, Part i, Line 9
%%
The grave's a fine and private place,
but none, I think, do there embrace.
 -- Andrew Marvell
%%
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
 -- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
%%
The Greasy Spoon: Chris Coe
%%
The great advantage of being in a rut is that when one is in a rut,
one knows exactly where one is.
 -- Arnold Bennett
%%
The great and terrible step was taken.  What else could you expect from so
 expectant?  'Sex,' said Frank Harris, 'is the gateway to life.'  So I went
 through the gatewat in an upper room in the Cafe Royal.
%%
The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom even
ordinarily respectable.
 -- H. L. Mencken, Prejudices, First Series
%%
The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
        The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in
courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk
clerks.  Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods
of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
Hedgehog Eater.
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
The great charm of cats is their rampant egotism.
%%
The great creative individual is capable of more wisdom and virtue
than collective man ever can be.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
The great danger... in believing yourself especially chosen is that
it becomes easy to view those who are not your people as God's especially
unchosen.
 -- Bishop John Shelby Spong
%%
The great Emathian conqueror bid spare
The house of Pindarus, when temple and tower
Went to the ground.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- When the Assault was intended to the City
%%
The great end of education is to discipline rather than to furnish
the mind; to train it to the use of its own powers, rather than fill
it with the accumulation of others.
 -- Tryon Edwards
%%
The great end of life is not knowledge, but action.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
The greater difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it.  Skillful
pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests.
 -- Epicurus (BC 341-270)
%%
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and
not our circumstances.
 -- Martha Washington
%%
The greater the hold of government upon the life of
 the individual citizen, the greater the risk of war.
 -- John Hospers
%%
The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism.
%%
The greater the importance of decisions to be made, the larger must be
the committee assigned to make them.
 -- Murphy's Sixteenth Law
%%
The greater the number of laws, the greater the number of offenses
against them.
 -- Havelock Ellis (1859-1939)
%%
The greater the number of professionals (advanced degrees preferred)
assigned to a project, the greater the progress.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
The greater your dreams, the more terrible your nightmares.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The greater your need to make a good
catch, the greater the probability your partner will deliver his worst
throw.  (If you can't touch it, you can't trick it.)
 -- The Ninth Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
The Great Escape: Freida Convict
%%
The greatest ability is dependability.
%%
The greatest and most important problems of life are all in a certain sense
insoluble. They can never be solved but only out grown.
 -- C.G. Jung
%%
The greatest awards in life are those you bestow.
%%
The greatest battles in life are fought in the quiet chambers of the soul.
 -- David O. McKay
%%
The greatest Clerkes be not the wisest men.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
The greatest cunning is to have none at all.
%%
The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence;
it is to act with yesterday's logic.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
The greatest danger to human beings is their consciousness of the
trivialities of their aims.
 -- Gerald Brennen
%%
The greatest disloyalty one can offer to great pioneers
is to refuse to move an inch from where they stood.
%%
The greatest fault of a penetrating wit is to go beyond the mark.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 377
%%
The greatest fruit of self-sufficiency is freedom.
 -- Epicurus
%%
The greatest genius is never so great as when it is chastised and
subdued by the highest reason.
 -- Colton
%%
The greatest gift that you can give yourself is a little bit of your
own attention.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your
riches but to reveal to him his own.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before
you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him
shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and
daughters.
 -- Genghis Kahn
%%
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved
for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
The greatest homage we can pay to truth is to use it.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The greatest intellectual capacities are only found in connection with
a vehement and passionate will.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
The  greatest love is a mother's; then comes a dog's; then comes a sweetheart.
 -- Polish Proverb
%%
The greatest man in history was the poorest.
%%
The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary
out of order.
 -- Jean Cocteau
%%
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing
you will make one.
 -- Elbert. G. Hubbard, American writer
%%
The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground....
%%
The greatest obstacle to being heroic is the doubt whether one may
going to prove one's self a fool.
 -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
The greatest of all mistakes is to think that you have never made any
 mistakes.
%%
The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Heroes and Hero-Worship, The Hero as a Prophet
%%
The greatest of fools is he who imposes on himself, and in greatest
concern thinks certainly he knows that which he has least studied,
and of which he is profoundly ignorant.
 -- Shaftesbury
%%
The greatest pleasure--doing what they said couldn't be done.
%%
The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth,
and have it found out by accident.
 -- Charles Lamb
%%
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
 -- Walter Bagehot (1826-1877)
%%
"The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies
 and chase them before you, to rob them of their
 wealth and to see those dear to them bathed in
 tears, to ride their horses and to clasp to your
 bosom their wives and daughters."
 -- Ghengis Kahn, civic leader and Bud man
%%
The greatest poets are those with memories so great that they extend beyond
their strongest experiences to their minutest observations of people and
things far outside their own self-centeredness.
 -- Stephen Spender
%%
The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
The greatest programming project of all took six days;
on the seventh day the programmer rested.
We've been trying to debug the ###!@? thing ever since.

Moral: design before you implement.
%%
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
 -- Seneca
%%
The greatest revolution in our generation is that of human beings,
who by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the
outer aspects of their lives.
 -- Marilyn Ferguson
%%
The Greatest Right is the Right 'To Fail'
%%
The greatest selling LP of all time is 'White Christmas' written by
Irving Berlin - over 150 million copies.
%%
The greatest task before civilization at present is to make machines
what they ought to be, the slaves, instead of the masters of men.
 -- Havelock Ellis (1859-1939), "Little Essays of Love and Virtue", 1922
%%
The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
The greatest thing about marriage is that it enables one to be alone without
 feeling loneliness.
%%
The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.
 -- Montaigne, "To The Reader"
%%
The greatest tool of all is Imagination.
%%
The greatest torture in the world for most people is to think.
 -- Luther Burbank (1849-1926)
%%
The greatest truths are the simplest; so are the greatest men.
%%
The greatest vicissitude of things amongst men is the vicissitude
of sects and religions.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Vicissitude of Things
%%
The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons.
 -- Aristotle, Rhetoric
%%
    The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear.  Shakespear
never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.  He lived in
Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors.  In one
of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving
himself in a long soliloquy.  In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Mac-
beth to kill the King by attacking his manhood.  Romeo and Juliet are an
example of a heroic couplet.  Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel
Cervantes.  He wrote "Donkey Hote".  The next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote "Paradise Lost."  Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise
Regained."
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
The great experimental principle, then, is doubt, that philosophic doubt
which leaves to the mind its freedom and initiative, and from wich the
virtues most valuable to investigators in physiology and medicine are
derived.
 -- Claude Bernard, 'An Introduction to Experimental Medicine' 1865
%%
The great film comedian, Charlie Chaplin, once entered a Charlie
 Chaplin look-a-like contest for a laugh. To his surprise he did
 not win.
%%
The Great Flood: Noah Zark
%%
The great god Pan is dead.
Why the Oracles cease to give Answers.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Why the Oracles cease to give Answers
%%
The great god Ra whose shrine once covered acres Is filler now for
crossword-puzzle makers.
%%
The great happiness of life, I find, after all, to consist in the
regular discharge of some mechanical duty.
 -- Johann von Schiller
%%
The great majority of people are only remembered when something for
which they are responsible goes wrong.
 -- Lord Slim
%%
The great man changes like a tiger.
Even before he questions the oracle
He is believed.
%%
The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart."
 -- Mencius
%%
The great mass of men lead lives of quiet domestication.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The great mountains of the world are a great remedy if men but did know it
against our modern discontent and ambitions. In the hills is wisdom's
fount. They are deep in time.
 -- E. R. Eddison, The Worm Ouroboros
%%
The greatness of a man can nearly always be measured by his
willingness to be kind.
 -- G. Young
%%
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be measured by the way
in which its animals are treated.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
The greatness of kings is made at the margin; the greatness of legislatures, at
the mean. That is to say, a monarch is judged by individual virtues and
performance, but no legislature can be called great because it contained one or
a few impressive individuals, to whom it paid no heed. The standard of
judgement for monarchs and legislatures is always the same: the happiness and
well-being of the people.
 -- Michael Scully
%%
The greatness of work is inside man.
 -- Pope John Paul II
%%
The great object is, that every man be armed....
Everyone who is able may have a gun.
 -- Patrick Henry
%%
The great political tugs of the past 35 years
have concerned the distribution of the golden eggs.
In the 1980's and 1990's we must focus on the health of the goose.
 -- Paul Tsongas
%%
The great prince issues commands,
Founds states, vests families with fiefs.
Inferior people should not be employed.
%%
The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you
are content with failure.
%%
The great question of life is not the question of death but the question of
life. Fear of death shames us all.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The great question that has never been answered and which I have not
yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the
feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?
 -- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
The Great Roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a
 lion, though not the same lion.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
The great rule is not to talk about money with people who have much more or
 much less than you.
 -- Katharine Whitehorn
%%
The great scallop, this tatty, scrofulous old rapist, is
second in depravity only to the common clam.  This latter
is a right whore, a harlot, a trollop, a cynical bed-hopping
firm-breasted Rabelaisian bit of sea food that makes Fanny
Hill look like a dead pope.
 -- Monty Python
%%
The great secretary of Nature, Sir Francis Bacon.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- Life of Herbert
%%
The great secret known to internists, but still hidden from the general
public, is that most things get better by themselves.  Most things, in
fact, are better by morning.
 -- Lewis Thomas
%%
The great secret of life is never to be in the way of others.
 -- Haliburton
%%
The great secret of life ... [is] not to open your letters for a fortnight.
 At the expiration of that period you will find that nearly all of them have
 answered themselves.
 -- Arthur Binstead
%%
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance
 to do something stupid.
 -- Art Spander
%%
The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other
 ages you've been.
 -- Madeline L'Engle
%%
The great tragedy of life is not that men perish,
 but that they cease to love.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
The great tragedy of science, the slaying of a beautiful theory by an ugly
fact.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
The great truths are too important to be new.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.
 -- William James
%%
The great virtue of my radicalism lies in the fact that I am perfectly
ready, if necessary, to be radical on the conservative side.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
The great wall of China was built in 221 - 206 B.C. and stretches for
2,150 miles across the northern border of the Chinese Empire. The Wall's
dimensions range from 15 to 39 feet high and is 32 feet thick. It took
10 years to build.
%%
The great world's altar-stairs,
That slope through darkness up to God.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, lv, Stanza 4
%%
The Greeks by their laws, and the Romans by the spirit of their
people, took care to put into the hands of their rulers no such
engine of oppression as a standing army. Their system was to make
every man a soldier, and oblige him to repair to the standard of
his country when ever that was reared. This made them invincible;
and the same remedy will make us so.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, letter to Thomas Cooper(1814)
%%
The Greeks - impoverished descendants of a bunch of la-de-da fruit salads
 who invented democracy and then forgot how to use it while walking around
 dressed up like girls.
%%
The green button, gentlemen!
 -- Doctor 4, FULL CIRCLE
%%
The green mantle of the standing pool.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
The gretest clerkes ben not the wisest men.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Reves Tale, Line 4051
%%
The grey mare is the better horse.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. iv
%%
The grinders cease because they are few.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xii, 3
%%
The ground is too hard and the shovel does nothing.
%%
The ground we walk on, the plants and creatures, the clouds above
constantly dissolving into new formations - each gift of nature possessing
its own radiant energy, bound together by cosmic harmony.
 -- Ruth Bernhard
%%
The group of elves, although still frightened, seem more
relaxed. relaxed. The same elf as before seems to be trying to
attract attract your attention.
%%
The groves were God's first temples.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- A Forest Hymn
%%
The growing drama has outgrown such toys
Of simulated stature, face, and speech:
It also peradventure may outgrow
The simulation of the painted scene,
Boards, actors, prompters, gaslight, and costume,
And take for a worthier stage the soul itself,
Its shifting fancies and celestial lights,
With all its grand orchestral silences
To keep the pauses of its rhythmic sounds.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- Aurora Leigh, Book v
%%
The growth of wisdom can be accurately gauged by the drop in ill temper.
%%
The growth rate of some bamboo plants can reach three feet (91.44 cm) per day.
%%
The gruesome grue grew some.
%%
The guard dies, but never surrenders.
 -- Fougemont
%%
The Guide is definitive.  Reality is frequently inaccurate.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
"`The Guide says there is an art to flying,' said Ford,`or at least a
knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground
and miss.' He smiled weakly."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The gun Clinton went duck hunting with would be banned.
%%
The gurus come from the sickliest nation on earth to tell us how to live. And
we pay them for it.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The guy sure looks like plant food to me!
%%
The guy who brags that he walked three miles to school probably has a
 grandchild that has to park that far away today.
%%
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.
 The guy who invented the other three, HE was a genius.
 -- Sid Caesar
%%
 the guy who took a course in exotic lovemaking and announced
 that he'd never be able to face his girl again?
 -- Hear about...
%%
 the guy who was an incurable romantic until penicillin came along?
 -- Hear about...
%%
The gym teacher's name was Mr. Caruso. Mr. Caruso did not speak English. He
 spoke "Gym." One day I was playing basketball and Mr. Caruso told me I
 would have to get an athletic supporter. He didn't express himself exactly
 that way, though. He said, "Hey, you, one day you're gonna go up for a
 rebound and the family jewels aren't gonna go with ya." I had no idea what
 he was talking about. Next day I showed up for practice without my watch
 and my mezuzah. He said, "Did ya take care of the family jewels?" I said,
 "I left 'em in my locker." Took us a half hour to revive Mr. Caruso.
 -- Gabe Kaplan
%%
The gynecologist says, "My feet are in the stirrups, my knees are in my
 face, and the door is open facing me ... Can we talk here? Men don't
 understand ... For a woman to lie in those stirrups, is that the worst? And
 my gynecologist does jokes! "Dr. Schwartz at your cervix!" "I'm dilated to
 meet you!" "Say ahhh." "There's Jimmy Hoffa!" There's no way you can get
 back at that son of a bitch unless you learn to throw your voice.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.
%%
The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would
never see her little dog Pritzi again.
 -- 1988 Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest, runner up
%%
The Ham Radio Primer: Loudon Clear
%%
The handleless axe without a blade
 -- Lichtenberg
%%
The hand of fate is on me now, it picked me up and knocked me down.
%%
The hand of little employment hath the daintier sense.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The hands that clean these toilets also
make your food... Please aim properly.
 -- Sign seen at a restaurant toilet
%%
The hands that help are better far than the lips that pray.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
The hand that hath made you fair hath made you good.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The hand that kindles cannot quench the flame.
%%
The hand that rocks the cradle can also cradle a rock.
 -- Feminist saying, circa 1968-1972
%%
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.
%%
The hangman let us down.
%%
The happiest day is that day in the past that you always run back to
when the present proves unbearable.
%%
The happiest ending in the movies is when the guy next to you finally
finishes his popcorn.
 -- Bobby Vinton
%%
The happiest lot for a man, as far as birth is concerned, is that it
should be such as to give him but little occasion to think mush about it.
 -- Richard Whately (1787-1863)
%%
The happiest moments of my life have a been the few which I have passed
at home in the bosom of my family.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
The happiest women, like the happiest nations, have no history.
%%
The happiness and unhappiness of the rational, social animal depends
not on what he feels but on what he does; just as his virtue and vice
consist not in feeling but in doing.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 16
%%
The Happy Birthday song was originally a Good Morning song written
in the late 1800s by two sister kindergarten teachers, Mildred & Patty
Hill, for their students. Anyone who uses the Happy Birthday song
in a production has to credit the Hill sisters.
%%
The Happy do not believe in miracles.
 -- Goethe
%%
The hard disk you save may be your own.
%%
The harder and the longer you hunt for a bug, the more trivial this bug is.
 -- Le Borgne's Law
%%
The harder I work, the luckier I get.
 -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.  What we obtain
too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything
its value.  I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather
strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business
of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience
approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
The harder to get the better to have.
 -- Into the Woods
%%
The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.
%%
The harder you work, the luckier you get.
 -- Gary Player
%%
The hardest part of climbing the ladder
of success is getting through the crowd at the bottom.
%%
The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar.
%%
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
 The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and
   which to burn.
 -- David Russell
%%
The hardest to plow are
someone else's field
and one's own wife.
 -- Milorad Pavic
%%
The hardest tumble one can take is to fall over his own bluff.
%%
The hardest years in life are between ten and seventy.
 -- Helen Hayes
%%
The hardness of the butter is directly proportional to the softness
of the roll.
 -- Thiessman's Law of Gastronomy
%%
The hard part for us avant-garde post-modern artists is deciding whether
 or not to embrace commericialism.
 -- Calvin
%%
The hard questions always have more than one right answer. The easy questions
have no answers at all. That's the universe's way of keeping things balanced.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
  The hard thing about death is that nothing ever changes.  The hard thing
  about life is that nothing stays the same.
%%
The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a Workstation, the
unit sales make it a Mainframe.
 -- on the NeXT
%%
The harp that once through Tara's halls
  The soul of music shed,
Now hangs as mute on Tara's walls
  As if that soul were fled.
So sleeps the pride of former days,
  So glory's thrill is o'er;
And hearts that once beat high for praise
  Now feel that pulse no more.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Harp that once through Tara's Halls
%%
The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew ix, 37
%%
The hat is the ultimum moriens of respectability.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, viii
%%
The hawk's cry is as sharp as its beak.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The headboard of a young bull.
Great good fortune.
%%
The head is not more native to the heart.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The headwaters are being released.
%%
The headwaters are being stopped.
%%
The health of a democratic society may be measured by the quality
of functions performed by private citizens.
 -- Alexis de Tocqueville (1805-1859)
%%
The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who
 asks for help when he needs it, whether he's got
 an abscess on his knee or his soul.
 -- Rona Barrett
%%
The Hearbeat of America, that's todays IBM!
%%
The hearing ear and the seeing eye.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xx, 12
%%
The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue,
 a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to
 the contrary, nohow.
%%
The heart bowed down by weight of woe
To weakest hope will cling.
 -- Alfred Bunn (1790-1860)
 -- Song
%%
The heart has its prisons that intelligence cannot unlock.
 -- Marcel Jouhandeau, "De la grandeur"
%%
The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
The heart is not a logical organ.
 -- Dr. Janet Wallace, "The Deadly Years," stardate 3479.4.
%%
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
%%
The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle
with his joy.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiv, 10
%%
The heart of a cow can never be put down my throat.
%%
The heart of an average adult male weighs 9 - 11 ounces.
The average adult female, 7 - 9 ounces.
%%
The heart of man is the place the Devil 's in: I feel sometimes a
hell within myself.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part i, Sect. li
%%
The heart ran o'er
With silent worship of the great of old!
The dead but sceptred sovereigns, who still rule
Our spirits from their urns.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Manfred, Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
The hearts's mind does make the face fair.
 -- Proverb
%%
The heart that loves is always young.
 -- Greek Proverb
%%
The heart, the liver, the spleen, the pancreas.  All these miraculous
organs work in _total_darkness_!
 -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
The heater's plugged in but the rheostat's shot.
%%
The heat has fried my brains !!!
%%
The heaven's breath
Smells wooingly here: no jutty, frieze,
Buttress, nor coign of vantage, but this bird
Hath made his pendent bed and procreant cradle:
Where they most breed and haunt, I have observed,
The air is delicate.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 6
%%
The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament showeth his handiwork.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xix, 1
%%
The heaviest human in thw world was Robert Earl Hughes born in 1926 in
Illinois. He weighed 1069 lbs in Feb, 1958.
%%
The heaviest object in the world
is the body of the woman you have ceased to love.
 -- Marquis de Lac de Clapiers Vauvenargues
%%
The heck with top and bottom--I want relationships with
strangeness and charm.
%%
The heights by great men reached and kept
  Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they while their companions slept
  Were toiling upward in the night.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Ladder of Saint Augustine
%%
The Heirophant is Disguised and Confused.
%%
The hell of waters! where they howl and hiss,
And boil in endless torture.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 69
%%
The hell within him.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 20
%%
The hell with the prime directive, let's kill something.
%%
The hell with your mountains ! Drink Bud.(G)
%%
The help people need most urgently is help in admitting that they need help.
%%
The herb tastes awful, yet what a feeling! You are now significantly
stronger stronger than before and able to carry more than you previously could.
%%
The herd instinct among forecasters make sheep look like independent thinker.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
The hereafter for all we know may be an eternal state
of excruciating insanity
 -- V.I. Nabokov, Look at the Harlequins
%%
The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero uses his
 fear, projects it onto his opponent, while the coward runs. It's the same
 thing, fear, but it's what you do with it that matters.
 -- Cus D'Amato (to Mike Tyson)
%%
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
 -- Law of Revelation
%%
The hidden harmony is better than the obvious.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
The Hidden stone ripens fast,
then laid bare like a turnip
can easily be cut out at last
but even then the danger isn't past.
That man lives best who's fain
to live half mad, half sane.
 -- Flemish Poet Jan Van Stijevoort, 1524.
%%
The Hidden Surprise: Pam Perz
%%
The hieroglyphics are all unreadable except for a notation on the back,
which reads Genuine authentic Egyptian papyrus.   Guaranteed to be at
least 5000 years old.
%%
The higher a man's IQ, the more likely he is to be feminine in outlook.
 -- Cervantes
%%
The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.
 -- General Joseph "Vinegar Bend" Stilwell (1883-1946)
%%
The higher a woman's IQ, the more she is likely to be masculine in outlook.
%%
The higher the buildings, the lower the morals.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
The higher the costs of hitting any
object, the greater the certainty it will be struck.  (Remember--the
disc is positive --both cops and old ladies are clearly negative).
 -- The Fourth Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
The higher, the fewer.
%%
The higher the 'higher-ups' are who've come to see your demo,
the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.
 -- Deadline-Dan's Demo Demonstration
%%
The higher the mountain, the lower the vale.
 -- Proverb
%%
The higher the quality of a catch or
the comment it receives, the greater the probability of a crummy throw.
(Good catch = bad throw.)
 -- The Second Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
The higher the tuition, the fewer days they spend in school.
 -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
The higher you go the more dependent you become on others.
%%
The highest bidder catches the most politicians.
%%
The highest compact we can make with our fellow is- "Let there be truth between
us forevermore."
 -- Emerson
%%
The highest condition takes rise in the lowest.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 781
%%
The highest duty is to respect authority.
 -- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
The highest exercise of charity is charity towards the uncharitable.
 -- J. S. Buckminster
%%
The highest form of public service is assassination.
%%
The highest form of pure thought is in mathematics.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
The highest of all our laws states your world is yours and will
  always remain yours.
 -- Kirk, "Friday's Child," stardate 3497.2.
%%
The highest reward for a man's toil is not what he gets for it, but what he
becomes of it.
 -- John Ruskin
%%
The highest standing, the lower fall.
 -- Proverb
%%
The highest treason, the meanest treason, is to deny the holiness of this
little blue planet on which we journey through the cold void of space.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The highest type of efficiency is that which can utilize
existing material to the best advantage.
 -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
The highest use of capital is not to make more money,
     but to make money do more for the betterment of life.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
The high-water mark, so to speak, of Socialist literature is W. H.
Auden, a sort of gutless Kipling.
 -- George Orwell
%%
The highway cop said, "Walk a straight line." I said, "Well, Officer
 Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to achieving a straight line
 would be making an electroencephalogram of your own brain waves." I said,
 "Officer, I'm taking my mom to the hospital. She OD'd on reducing pills."
 He said, "I don't see any woman with you." I said, "I'm too late." He said,
 "You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Do you wish to
 retain that right?" I thought: Oooooh! A paradox ...
 -- Emo Philips
%%
..  the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA
 is a barbequed OYSTER!  Yum!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The highway of life is always under construction.
%%
The "Hillary" pack at KFC: no breasts, large thighs; all left-wings.
%%
The hills,
Rock-ribbed, and ancient as the sun.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- Thanatopsis
%%
The hills were worn down by eroticism.
%%
The hind that would be mated by the lion
Must die for love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
The hinges are quite thoroughly rusted now and won't budge.
%%
The hipbone's connected to the... jawbone?
%%
The hippo has no sting,
but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
 -- Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb
%%
The history of art is the history of revivals.
 -- Samuel Butler.
%%
The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through
three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and
Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases.
For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can
we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by
the question 'Where shall we have lunch?'
 -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The History Of Exxon: Phil Errup
%%
The history of liberty has largely been the history of the observance
of procedural safeguards.
 -- Justice Felix Frankfurter
%%
The history of liberty is the history of resistance. It is a history of
the limitation of governmental power.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
The history of science is everywhere speculative.  It is a marvelous
 hiatory.  It makes you proud to be a human being.
 -- Karl R. Popper
%%
The history of the race, and each individual's experience, are thick
with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told
well is immortal.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Advice to Youth (published 1923)
%%
The history of the rise of Christianity has everything to do with
politics, culture, and human frailties and nothing to do with
supernatural manipulation of events.  Had divine intervention been the
guiding force, surely two millennia after the birth of Jesus he would
not have a world where there are more Muslims than Catholics, more
Hindus than Protestants, and more nontheists than Catholics and
Protestants combined.
 -- John K. Naland, "The First Easter", Free Inquiry magazine, Vol. 8, No. 2
%%
The history of the world is the record of man in quest of his daily
bread and butter.
%%
The history of the world which is still taught to our children is
essentially a series of race murders.
 -- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
The history of warfare is similarly subdivided, although here the
phases are Retribution, Anticipation, and Diplomacy.  Thus:
Retribution:
I'm going to kill you because you killed my brother.
Anticipation:
I'm going to kill you because I killed your brother.
Diplomacy:
I'm going to kill my brother and then kill you on the
 pretext that your brother did it.
%%
The Hitchhiker: Juan Nalift
%%
:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
Douglas Adams
Pocket Books, 1981
ISBN 0-671-46149-4

This `Monty Python in Space' spoof of SF genre traditions has been
popular among hackers ever since the original British radio show.  Read
it if only to learn about Vogons (see {bogon}) and the significance of
the number 42 (see {random numbers}) --- and why the winningest chess
program of 1990 was called `Deep Thought'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject
of towels.
Most importantly, a towel has immense psychological value.  For some reason,
if a non-hitchhiker discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him,
he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush,
washcloth, flask, gnat spray, space suit, etc., etc.  Furthermore, the non-
hitchhiker will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen
other items that he may have "lost".  After all, any man who can hitch the
length and breadth of the Galaxy, struggle against terrible odds, win through
and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.
%%
 "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", in a moment of
reasoned lucidity which is almost unique among its current
tally of five million, nine hundred and seventy-three
thousand, five hundred and nine pages, says of the Sirius
Cybernetics Corporation products that "it is very easy to
be blinded to the essential uselessness of them by the
sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at
all."
 "In other words - and this is the rock-solid principle
on which the whole of the Corporation's Galaxywide success
is founded - their fundamental design flaws are completely
hidden by their superficial design flaws."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" is an indispensable companion to all
those who are keen to make sense of life in an infinitely complex and
confusing Universe, for though it cannot hope to be useful or informative
on all matters, it does at least make the reassuring claim, that where it
is inaccurate it is at least DEFINITIVELY inaccurate.  In cases of major
discrepancy it's always reality that's got it wrong.

This was the gist of the notice.  It said "The Guide is definitive.  Reality
is frequently inaccurate."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject
of towels.
A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar
hitchhiker can have.  Partly it has great practical value.  You can wrap
it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta;
you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V
... use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wave your
towel in emergencies, and, of course, dry yourself off with it if it still
seems to be clean enough.
%%
The hoary head is a crown of glory.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvi, 31
%%
The Hobby Pharm --< is now CompuPharm(tm)
%%
The hole and the patch should be commensurate.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The Holy Bible is "The Sporting News" of Christianity.
%%
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and
loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole
lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The Holy Trinity: Danger mouse, Penfold, um.. Bananaman!
%%
The Holy Trinity of Rock: E-A-B, E-A-B-A.
%%
The home is not the one tame place in the world of adventure. It
is the one wild place in the world of rules and set tasks.
 -- G. K. Chesterson
%%
The honest way to money is through aardvark.
%%
The honey is sweet, but the bee has a sting.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The honeymoon is not actually over until
we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
The honeymoon is over when he phones that he'll be late for supper --
and she has already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.
 -- Bill Lawrence
%%
The hooded clouds, like friars,
  Tell their beads in drops of rain.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Midnight Mass
%%
The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
%%
The hope of all who suffer,
  The dread of all who wrong.
 -- John G. Whittier (1807-1892)
 -- The Mantle of St. John de Matha
%%
The horn, the horn, the lusty horn
Is not a thing to laugh to scorn.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
"The horror of that moment," the King went on, "I shall never, never forget!"
"You will, though," the Queen said, "if you don't make a memorandum of it."
 -- Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832-98),
 -- English writer, mathematician
 -- Through the Looking-Glass, ch. 1 (1872)
%%
The horseleech hath two daughters, crying, Give, give.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxx, 15
%%
The hostage? Yes, we're trying to get a phone fitted.
%%
The Hostess will seat you now.
%%
The hotel [in Kiev] checked us in very quickly.  Unlike the one in Moscow,
the door guard smiled, did not check our passes and did not wear a gun.
The hotel serves excellent country food for lunch, including dumpling
soup, pork and homemade ice cream.  The waitress is friendly.  Going from
Moscow to Kiev is like going from New York to Texas.
 -- T. J. Rodgers, "High tech in the Ukraine", E. E. Times, 8/13/90, p. 16
%%
The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of
great moral crises maintain their neutrality.
 -- Dante Alighieri (1265-1321)
%%
The hour which gives us life begins to take it away
 -- Seneca
%%
The house appointed for all living.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxx, 23
%%
The house of every one is to him as his castle and fortress, as well
for his defence against injury and violence as for his repose.
 -- Sir Edward Coke (1549-1634)
 -- Semayne's Case, 5 Rep, 91
%%
The Housing Problem: Rufus Quick
%%
The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry!
%%
The hues of bliss more brightly glow,
Chastised by sabler tints of woe.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Ode on the Pleasure arising from Vicissitude, Line 45
%%
The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of
"Ten Best".
 -- H. Allen Smith
%%
The human being is an amazing creature!  He can't even make a worm,
yet he makes gods by the dozen!!
 -- St. Peter, Pearly Gates comic strip
%%
The human body is a magazine of inventions, the patent office, where are
the models from which every hint is taken.  All the tools and engines on
earth are only extensions of its limbs and senses.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The human body represents to me the same universal innocence, timelessness
and purity of all seed pods, suggesting the mother as well as the child,
the parental as well as the descendant, conceived according to nature's
longings.
 -- Ruth Bernhard
%%
The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is
 flat and slimy and has gills through which it can see.
 -- Monty Python
%%
The human brain is like a railroad freight car -- guaranteed to have
a certain capacity but often running empty.
%%
The human brain is the only computer in the world made out of meat.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The human brain starts to work the moment you are born and never stops
 until you get up in public to explain why you voted the way you voted, or
 what is worse and takes longer, why you did not vote.
%%
The human features and countenance, although composed of but some
ten parts or little more, are so fashioned that among so many thousands
of men there are no two in existence who cannot be distinguished from
one another.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 8
%%
The human heart, at whatever age, opens only to the heart that opens in
return.
 -- Marie Edgeworth
%%
The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed.
 -- Charlotte Bronte
%%
The human heart is like a ship on a stormy sea driven about by winds
blowing from all four corners of heaven.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
The human heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment;
success intoxicates it to presumption, and disappointment dejects
and terrifies it.
 -- Volney
%%
The human mind is a dangerous plaything, Boys.  When it's used for Evil,
watch out!  But when it's used for Good, things are much... nicer.
 -- the Tick
%%
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange
protein -- it rejects it.
 -- Sir Peter Medawar
%%
The human mortals.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The human race has been fascinated by sharks for as long as I can
remember.  Just like the bluebird feeding its young, or the spider
struggling to weave its perfect web, or the buttercup blooming in
spring, the shark reveals to us yet another of the infinite and
wonderful facets of nature, namely the facet that it can bite your head
off.  This causes us humans to feel a certain degree of awe.
 -- Dave Barry, The Wonders of Sharks on TV
%%
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that
procession but carrying a banner.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
%%
The human race is still in beta test...
%%
The human race likes to give itself airs.  One good volcano can
produce more greenhouse gases in a year that the human race has
in its entire history.
 -- Ray Bradbury
%%
The human race never solves any of its problems- it only outlives them.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at
children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end,
which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. And one of the games which
it is most attached is called, "Keep tomorrow dark," and which is also named
(by the rustics in Shropshire, I have no doubt) "Cheat the Prophet." The
players listen very carefully and respectfully to all that the clever men have
to say about what is to happen in the next generation. The players then wait
until all the clever men are dead, and bury them nicely. Then they go and do
something else. That is all. For a race of simple tastes, however, it is great
fun.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
The human species, according to the best theory I can form of it, is
composed of two distinct races: then men who borrow, and the men who lend.
 -- Charles Lamb (1775-1834)
%%
The [human] species is capable of much affection.
 -- Deela the Scalosian, "Wink of an Eye," stardate 5710.5.
%%
The human spirit is a very hard thing to kill.  Even with a chainsaw.
%%
The humble bureaucrat, like the bass, dwells at the bottom of the pond
but grows fat.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The humblest citizen of all the land, when clad in the armor of a
righteous cause, is stronger than all the hosts of Error.
 -- William Jennings Byron
%%
The hum of either army stilly sounds,
That the fixed sentinels almost receive
The secret whispers of each other's watch;
Fire answers fire, and through their paly flames
Each battle sees the other's umbered face;
Steed threatens steed, in high and boastful neighs
Piercing the night's dull ear, and from the tents
The armourers, accomplishing the knights,
With busy hammers closing rivets up,
Give dreadful note of preparation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Prologue
%%
The "Humor" conference is for important messages from the sysop.
%%
The Hunchback of Notre Dame's secret mantra:  Oh mommy pat my hump.
%%
The hunger for love is much more difficult
to remove than the hunger for bread.
 -- Mother Teresa, quoted in "Time", 4 December 1989
%%
The hungry judges soon the sentence sign,
And wretches hang that jurymen may dine.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto iii, Line 21
%%
The hungry sheep look up and are not fed,
But, swoln with wind and the rank mist they draw,
Rot inwardly, and foul contagion spread.
 -- Milton, "Lycidas"
%%
The Husband Defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 03
%%
The husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his
 wife to use the new car, even to drive to the grocery store, a mere few
 blocks away from the house. Finally, after she rather insisted, he allowed
 it, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the
 newspaper will print your age!"
%%
The husband was a teetotaller, there was no other woman, and the conduct
complained of was that he had drifted into the habit of winding up every
meal by taking out his false teeth and hurling them at his wife.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle "Sherlock Holmes: A Case of Identity"
%%
The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what
she doesn't know won't hurt him.
 -- Leo J. Burke
%%
The hymn "Onward Christian Soldiers," sung to the right tune and in a
 not-too-brisk tempo, makes a very good egg timer. If you put the egg into
 boiling water and sing all five verses and chorus, the egg will be just
 right when you come to Amen.
 -- Letter in the London Daily Telegraph
%%
The hyperactive child is never absent.
 -- Pollyanna's Educational Constant
%%
The hypnotist is fascinating Mary in her modest gown, Meantime mentally
debating: Is she blonde the whole way down?
%%
The hypochondriac's epitaph:  NOW will you believe me?
%%
The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,
involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions.  The
hypothalamus controls the Four F's:  1. fighting;  2. fleeing;  3.feeding;
and  4. mating.
 -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course
%%
The hypothesis:
Amid a wash of paper, a small number of documents become the critical pivots
around which every project's management revolves. These are the manager's
chief personal tools.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
The Icarus Class starship had problems when it flew too near the sun.
%%
The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays "Helter, Skelter."
%%
The iceman wins again.
 -- Riker about Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
The idea is for a woman to make her life as big, as challenging as
she can, and know that during that life there will be men who will
love her for what she is trying to be, just as there have always
been men who loved her for not trying to be anything at all.
 -- Lee Grant
%%
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
 -- Ashley Montagu
%%
The ideal girl?  Female, sir.
 -- Elvis
%%
The ideal government would just tax everyone a dollar a
year and then spend it all on fireworks
%%
The Ideal is in thyself, the impediments too is in thyself.
 -- Thomas Carlyle, Sartor Resartus
%%
The ideal kitchen-sink novel: Throw in everything but the kitchen sink. Then
add the kitchen sink.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The ideal reasoner, would, when he had once been shown a single fact
in all its bearings, deduce from it not only the chain of events which
led up to it but also the results which would follow from it.  As Cuvier
could correctly describe a whole animal by the contemplation of a single
bone, so the observer who has thoroughly understood one link in a series
of incidents should be able to accurately state all the other ones, both
before and after.  We have not yet grasped the results which the reason
alone can attain to.  Problems may be solved in the study which have
baffled all those who have sought a solution by aid of their senses.  To
carry the art, however, to its highest pitch, it is necessary that the
reasoner should be able to utilize all the facts which have come to his
knowledge; and this in itself implies, as you will readily see, a
possession of all knowledge, which, even in these days of free education
and encyclopedias, is a somewhat rare accomplishment.  It is not so
impossible, however, that a man should possess all knowledge which is
likely to be useful to him in his work, and this I have endeavored in
my case to do.
 -- Sherlock Holmes
%%
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
%%
The ideal situation is to have real computing power close at hand -
right at home. Something that dims streetlights and shrinks the
picture on the neighbors TV when you crank it up.
%%
The ideal voice for radio may be defined as having no substance, no sex, no
 owner, and a message of importance to every housewife.
 -- Harry V. Wade
%%
The idea of all-out nuclear war is unsettling.
 -- Walter Goodman
%%
    The idea of an incarnation of God is absurd: why should
the human race think itself so superior to bees, ants, and
elephants as to be put in this unique relation to its maker? .
. . Christians are like a council of frogs in a marsh or a
synod of worms on a dung-hill croaking and squeaking "for our
sakes was the world created."
 -- Julian The Apostate
%%
The idea of calm exists in a sitting cat.
%%
The idea of daylight-savings is like trying to be
 taller by cutting off your head and standing on it.
%%
The idea of her life shall sweetly creep
Into his study of imagination,
And every lovely organ of her life,
Shall come apparell'd in more precious habit,
More moving-delicate and full of life
Into the eye and prospect of his soul.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The idea of male and female are universal constants.
 -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3219.8.
%%
The idea of man leaving this earth and flying to another celestial body and
landing there and stepping out and walking over that body has a fascination
and a driving force that can get the country to a level of energy, ambition,
and will that I do not see in any other undertaking.  I think if we are
honest with ourselves, we must admit that we needed that impetus extremely
strongly.  I sincerely believe that the space program, with its manned
landing on the moon, if wisely executed, will become the spearhead for a
broad front of courageous and energetic activities in all the fields of
endeavour of the human mind - activities which could not be carried out
except in a mental climate of ambition and confidence which such a spearhead
can give.
 -- Dr. Martin Schwarzschild, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight"
%%
The idea of using censors to bar thoughts of sex is dangerous.  A person
 without sex thoughts is abnormal.
%%
The ideas expressed above are mine, and they intend to stay
that way...whether or not they suck.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The idea that God is His own grandmother may be
unsupported by Scripture, but who wants to offend God's
grandmother?
%%
The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic
devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers,
where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with
sledgehammers.  With their devices thus permanently destroyed,
consumers would then be free to go out and buy new devices, rather than
have to fritter away years of their lives trying to have the old ones
repaired at so-called factory service centers, which in fact consist
of two men named Lester poking at the insides of broken electronic
devices with cheap cigars and going, Lookit all them WIRES in there!
 -- Dave Barry, 'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants
%%
The idea with natural childbirth is to avoid drugs so the mother can share
 the first intimate moments after birth with the baby and the father and the
 obstetrician and the standby anesthesiologist and the nurses and the person
 who cleans the room.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
The identical is equal to itself, since it is different.
 -- Franco Spisani
%%
The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
%%
The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.
 -- Quintus Ennius
%%
The ignorance of one voter in a Democracy impairs the safety of us all.
%%
The ignorance of the working-class and the superior intelligence of the
privileged class are superstitions -- are superstitions fostered by
intellectual mercenaries, by universities and churches, and by all
the centers of privilege.
 -- George D. Herron (1862-1925)
%%
The ignorant classes are the dangerous classes.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
The ignorant man always adores what he cannot understand.
 -- Cesare Lombroso, "The Man of Genius"
%%
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read
and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
 -- Alvin Toffler
%%
The ill-tempered cannot teach.
 -- Hillel
%%
The illusion that times that were are better than those that are,
has probably pervaded all ages.
 -- Horace Greeley (1811-1872), "The American Conflict", 1864-1866
%%
The Illustrious Ancestor
Disciplines the Devil's Country.
After three years he conquers it.
Inferior people must not be employed.
%%
The images of twenty of the most illustrious families--the Manlii,
the Quinctii, and other names of equal splendour--were carried before
it [the bier of Junia]. Those of Brutus and Cassius were not displayed;
but for that very reason they shone with pre-eminent lustre.
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD)
 -- Annales, iii, 76, 11
%%
The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends
 thought I didn't exist.
 -- Aaron Machado
%%
The immediate visibility of an object is
inversely proportional to the importance of finding it.
 -- The Law of Inverse Visibility
%%
The impersonal hand of government can never replace
the helping hand of a neighbor.
 -- Hubert H. Humphrey
%%
The implacable, slackable flack,
Sets sail on a backable tack,
Close-hauled, his spinnaker
Gives him his ginnaker
To avoid and evade an attack.
 -- Walt Kelly
%%
The implementers are dead;  therefore, they do not respond.
%%
The implied convertibility between a unit of real money produced
by labor and an article of wealth created by human labor for the
market must be assured. Therefore, the value of the monetary unit
should have a real objective regulator.
 -- Lewis E. Lehrman
%%
The importance of the man and his job, in that relative order, rises in
direct proportion to the distance separating his audience from his home office.
%%
The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to
 cry, I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life.
 -- Glenda Jackson
%%
The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to
discover new ways of thinking about them.
 -- Sir William Bragg
%%
The important thing is not to stop questioning.  Curiosity has its
own reason for existing.  One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates
the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of
reality.  It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little
of this mystery every day.  Never lose a holy curiosity.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
... The important thing isn't so much *what* you want to ban; it's the fact
that you participate in the banning process.  That's what democracy is all
about.
 -- Dave Barry, What To Ban On Video, _Bad Habits_
%%
The important things are always simple.
%%
The important things are always simple. Simple things are always hard.
%%
The important thing to recognize is that it takes a team, and the
team ought to get credit for the wins and the losses.  Successes have
many fathers, failures have none.
 -- Philip Caldwell
%%
The important thing to remember about walking on eggs is not to hop.
%%
The impossible anytime, miracles take a little longer.
%%
The impossible is often the untried.
 -- Jim Goodwin
%%
The impossible we do immediately. Miracles require 24
hours notice.
%%
The inability to benefit from feedback appears to be the primary cause
of pseudoscience.  Pseudoscientists retain their beliefs and
ignore or distort contradictory evidence rather than modify or reject
a flawed theory.  Because of their strong biases, they seem to lack
the self-correcting mechanisms scientists must employ in their work.
 -- Thomas L. Creed, "The Skeptical Inquirer," Summer 1987
%%
The inappropriate cannot be beautiful.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869-1959), The Future of Architecture (1953)
%%
The inaudible and noiseless foot of Time.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
The incidence of anything worthwhile is either 15-25 percent
or 80-90 percent.
 -- LaCombe's Rule of Percentages
An answer of 50 percent will suffice for the 40-60 range.
 -- Dudenhoefer's Corollary
%%
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf
has.  Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know
when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
The Incomplete Handbook (Class to Be Named Soon).
%%
...the increased productivity fostered by a friendly environment and quality
tools is essential to meet ever increasing demands for software.
 -- M. D. McIlroy, E. N. Pinson and B. A. Tague
%%
The incumbents are crooks, vote them out
%%
> The Independent quotes this from The Progressive, Sept. 1990:
>
> Louisiana State Rep. Carl Gunter, explaining why abortion should
> not be permitted even when the pregnancy results from incest:
> 'The way we get thoroughbred horses is through inbreeding.   With
> incest, you could get super-smart kids.'

This undoubtedly explains State Representative Gunter's visibly high
intelligence...
 -- Lefty (lefty@twg.com)
%%
The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a
 big mouth.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to
the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing
to people.
 -- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
%%
The individual must not merely wait and criticize, he must defend
the cause the best he can.  The fate of the world will be such as
the world deserves.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The industrial corporation is the natural enemy of nature.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The Industrial Revolution: Otto Mattick
%%
The Industrial Strength BBS.
%%
The industrial way of life leads to the industrial way of death. From Shiloh
to Dachau, from Antietam to Stalingrad, from Hiroshima to Vietnam and
Afghanistan, the great specialty of industry and technology has been the mass
production of human corpses.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The inefficiency and stupidity of the staff is a subset of the
inefficiency and stupidity of the management.
 -- Theed's Fourth Law of Management
%%
The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communication between
different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of
misunderstanding.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
 -- Law of Communications
%%
The inferior man works through power.
The superior man does not act thus.
To continue is dangerous.
A goat butts against a hedge
And gets its horns entangled.
%%
The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to
moralists.  That is why they invented Hell.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
The influence shows itself in the back of the neck.
No remorse.
%%
The influence shows itself in the big toe.
%%
The influence shows itself in the calves of the legs.
Misfortune.
Tarrying brings good fortune.
%%
The influence shows itself in the jaws, cheeks and tongue.
%%
The influence shows itself in the thighs.
Holds to that which follows it.
To continue is humiliating.
%%
The Information Systems virus
  Reconfigures the system into an infinitely regressive
  non-stationary digital filter.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
<----- The information went data way ----->
%%
The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay!
%%
The information you need is not what you can obtain.
%%
The inglorious arts of peace.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- Upon Cromwell's return from Ireland
%%
    The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies.  They lived in the Sarah
Dessert and traveled by Camelot.  The climate of the Sarah is such that the
inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cul-
tivated by irritation.  The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge
triangular cube.  The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and
Spain.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings;
the inherent vice of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) (Attributed)
%%
The injuries we do to others and the injury others do to us are seldom
 weighed on the same scales.
%%
The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of a tyrant.
 -- Mohammed
%%
The inmates have taken over the asylum.
%%
The inner circle demon says: 'Prepare to die, Buckwheat!'
%%
The inner circle demon sends 'rm -r *' to your shell!
%%
The inner circle demon spits on your rug and calls your cat a bastard.
%%
The inner circle demon tweaks your nose and cackles evilly.
%%
The "Innocent Woman" defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 01
%%
The insolent civility of a proud man is, if possible, more shocking
than his rudeness could be; because he shows you, by his manner,
that he thinks it mere condescension in him; and that his goodness
alone bestows upon you what you have no pretense to claim.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
The inspiration of the Bible depends upon the ignorance of the gentleman
who reads it.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
The instruments of science do not in themselves discover truth.
And there are searchings that are not concluded by the coincidence
of a pointer and a mark.
 -- Fred Saberhagen, "The Berserker Wars"
%%
The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop
trail you choose to hike always comes out positive.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
... the intellect is not all -- but its cultivation must come first,
  or the individual makes errors -- wastes time in unprofitable pursuits.
 -- Flint, "Requiem for Methuselah," stardate 5843.7.
%%
The intellect of the wise is like glass; it admits the light of heaven
and reflects it.
 -- Hare
%%
The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with
 the square of the number of participants.
 -- Adam Walinsky
%%
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly
anything.
 -- Goethe
%%
The intelligent man is one who has successfully fulfilled many
accomplishments, and is yet willing to learn more.
 -- Ed Parker
%%
The intensity of anxiety when you tell a lie is nothing
compared to the relief when you find out it is believed.
 -- John Francis Putnam (1964)
%%
The intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality
of the movie.
 -- Gene Shalit
%%
The interesting thing about America is that she asks nothing for herself
except what she has a right to ask for humanity itself.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
The interest of the people [lies] in being able to join organizations,
advocate causes, and make political "mistakes" without being subjected
to government penalties.
 -- Justice Hugo Black (1886-1971)
%%
The interface to this file is  unpleasantly  complex.
 -- Unix Manual, regexp(3)
%%
The intergenerational poverty that troubles us so much today is
predominantly a poverty of values.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.
 -- Norman Brenner
%%
The Internal Revenue Service has a new "800" number, 1-800-NO MERCY!
%%
The Internet may fairly be regarded as a never-ending worldwide
conversation. The government may not, through the [Communications
Decency Act], interrupt that conversation... As the most participatory
form of mass speech yet developed, the Internet deserves the highest
protection from governmental intrusion... The government, therefore,
implicitly asks this court to limit both the amount of speech on the
Internet and the availability of that speech. This argument is
profoundly repugnant to First Amendment principles.
 -- U.S. District Judge Stewart Dalzell, 1996
%%
The Internet treats censorship just like any other glitch: it routes around
it.
 -- John Gilmore, Electronic Frontier Foundation
%%
 The interval between the date of the enquiry and the date of
 completion of a program.
 -- Hartree's Constant
%%
The intoxication of anger, like that of the grape, shows up to others,
but hides us from ourselves, and we injure our own cause, in the
opinion of the world, when we too passionately and eagerly defend it.
 -- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member
 of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
%%
Their are trhee things wrong here.
%%
Their cause I plead,--plead it in heart and mind;
A fellow-feeling makes one wondrous kind.
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- Prologue on Quitting the Stage in 1776
%%
Their discords sting through Burns and Moore,
  Like hedgehogs dressed in lace.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Music-Grinders
%%
Their fatal hands
No second stroke intend.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 712
%%
Their feet through faithless leather met the dirt,
And oftener chang'd their principles than shirt.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- To Mr. Pope, Epistle i, Line 277
%%
Their idea of an offer you can't refuse is an offer...
and you'd better not refuse.
%%
The Irish are a fair people; they never speak well of one another.
 -- Samuel Johnson, in James Boswell, 'The Life of Samuel Johnson'
%%
The Irish Heart Surgeon: Angie O'Plasty
%%
The Irish Leprechaun is the Faeries' shoemaker and is known under various
names in different parts of Ireland: Cluricaune in Cork, Lurican in Kerry,
Lurikeen in Kildare and Lurigadaun in Tipperary. Although he works for the
Faeries, the Leprechaun is not of the same species. He is small, has
dark skin and wears strange clothes. His nature has something of the
manic-depressive about it: first he is quite happy, whistling merrily as he
nails a sole on to a shoe; a few minutes later, he is sullen and morose,
drunk on his home-made heather ale. The Leprechaun's two great loves are
tobacco and whiskey, and he is a first-rate con-man, impossible to out-fox.
No one, no matter how clever, has ever managed to cheat him out of his hidden
pot of gold or his magic shilling. At the last minute he always thinks of some
way to divert his captor's attention and vanishes in the twinkling of an eye.
 -- From: A Field Guide to the Little People
 -- by Nancy Arrowsmith & George Moorse.
%%
The Irish people do not gladly suffer common sense.
%%
Their lips were four red roses on a stalk.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
The iron entered into his soul.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
%%
The iron tongue of midnight hath told twelve.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Their rising all at once was as the sound
Of thunder heard remote.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 476
%%
The IRS does it to EVERYBODY.
%%
The I.R.S. must like poor people, it makes a lot of them.
%%
The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said "If you'll notice, I
 sent a paper clip with my return.  Given what you've been paying for things
 lately, that should more than make up the difference."
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free
information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a
dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly.  If you ask them a
real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.

So, for guidance, you want to look to big business.  Big business never
pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big
consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes...
 -- Dave Barry, Sweating Out Taxes
%%
Their strength is to sit still.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxx, 7
%%
Their [the Klingon's] empire is made up of conquered worlds.  They take
  what they want by arms and force.
 -- Kirk, "Friday's Child," stardate 3497.2.
%%
The Islamic Musical, "Seven Brides for One Brother"
%%
The isles of Greece, the isles of Greece!
  Where burning Sappho loved and sung.
     .     .     .     .     .
Eternal summer gilds them yet,
But all except their sun is set.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 86, 1
%%
The I.S.O. standard unit of female pulchritude is the milli-helen.   This
is the amount of beauty capable of causing the launching of a single ship.
%%
The itch of disputing will prove the scab of churches.
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- A Panegyric to King Charles
%%
The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be
taken by the person in front of you.
 -- The Cafeteria Law
%%
The item you want is out of stock.  But it's on back order.
%%
The JABBER crisis: "But it worked in Beta testing!"
%%
The Jackal only eats bad food.
%%
The Japanese call us lazy, but at least we cook our fish!
%%
The Japanese have created a word to mean vomit: Bushusuru.
%%
The Japanese have recently improved upon bungee jumping.

 - It is now cordless.
%%
The jest loses its point when he who makes it is the first to laugh.
%%
The Jetdillo Project: 2000 pounds of steel, 20,000 pounds of thrust.
One pair of very dark shades.  The world's first fully cybernetic,
SSTO-capable armadillo.  Coming soon from Armadillo Labs.  The Dasypian
Future begins tommorrow...
%%
The Jews and Arabs should settle their disputes in the true spirit
of Christian charity.
 -- Alexander Wiley
%%
The job of a Dean is to raise as much money as he can, then spend it
as fast as he can.
%%
The job of satire is to frighten and enlighten.
 -- Richard Condon
%%
The job of the engineer is to produce systems that people can trust.
   By this standard, there exist very few software engineers.
%%
The job's not over until the paperwork's done.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
The Joh virus
  Corrupts your data, but don't you worry about that.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The joke about "as clean as Soap and Water could get them" reminds
me of what my friend Mark Carlson used to say as he sat down to eat:
   (rubs hands, inhales appreciatively) "Ah -- a meal fit for a king!"
   (looks around) "Here, King!"
 -- Dave Zobel, DeskTalk Systems Inc., Torrance CA USA
%%
The Joule-Thompson Throttling. Now you can't throttle them,
they're dead. (an experiment)
%%
The journey of a thousand leagues begins from beneath your feet.
 -- Lao-Tzu
%%
The joy is in the doing.
 -- Elizabeth Braidwood
The joy is in the dancing.
 -- Justin du Coeur
The joy is in the dancer.
 -- Justin's lady
The joy is in Dancer, and Prancer, and Vixen...
 -- Kris Kringle
The Joy is in the kitchen next to the sink.
 -- Vergil William de Comyn
%%
The joy of music should never be interrupted by a commercial.
 -- Leonard Bernstein
%%
The Joy of Sax: Jazz music in the Late 20th Century.
%%
 "The Joy Of Self-Abuse" by Dick Pullar, foreward by Jack Goff
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
The Joy of Sux - The History of the Electric Vacuum.
 -- SLR
%%
The Joyous. Success.
Perseverance is favorable.
%%
The joys of love made her human and the agonies of love destroyed her.
 -- Spock, "Requiem for Methuselah," stardate 5842.8.
%%
The J.S. Bach Show: Non-union musicians come on show to discuss why they
 are baroque.
%%
The judge asked, "What do you plead?"  I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in
 their right mind would park in the passing lane?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The judge is condemned when the criminal is acquitted.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 407
%%
The judge ought to give 'em a chance to tell what evolution is.   Course we
 got them licked anyhow, but I believe in being fair and square and American.
 Besides, I'd like to know what evolution is myself.
 -- Tennessee State Representative John Washington Butler,
    author of the Tennessee Anti-Evolution Law, during the Scopes Monkey Trial
%%
The judge's jokes are always funny.
 -- Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation
%%
The jugged fish _is_ `alibut!
%%
The Jupitarians have landed, and they brought the kids.
%%
The jury has a right to judge both the law
as well as the fact in controversy.
 -- John Jay, first Chief Justice, U.S. Supreme Court
 -- Georgia vs. Brailsford, 1794:4
%%
The jury has the right to determine both the law and the facts.
 -- Samuel Chase, signer of the Declaration of Independence,
     and Supreme Court Justice, 1804
%%
The jury, passing on the prisoner's life,
May in the sworn twelve have a thief or two
Guiltier than him they try.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The justification of private profit is private risk.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
The just shall live by faith.
 -- Romans 1:17
%%
The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a suitable
rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life.  For
this task, it has a rudimentary nervous system.  When it finds its
spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore so it eats
it!  (It's rather like getting tenure.)
 -- Daniel Dennett, _Consciousness Explained_, p. 177
%%
The kangaroo is fairly well behaved and we've got a couple of
backups in case he jumps of a cliff or anything.
 -- Comments on the new Skippy series.
%%
The Kathy Rigby doll--pull HER string, and you'll be sorry.
 -- Gary Burbank, AM 700 WLW radio (Cincinnati)
%%
The keenest pangs the wretched find
  Are rapture to the dreary void,
The leafless desert of the mind,
  The waste of feelings unemployed.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Giaour, Line 957
%%
The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause
of all our adversities.
 -- Sophocles
%%
The keen spirit Seized the prompt occasion- makes the thought Start
into instant action, and at once Plans and performs, resolves and executes.
 -- Hannah Moore
%%
The kegger lasted far into the night,
 and the next morning, Dave stuck his foot
 into a shoe full of cranky, hung-over,
 stimulus-response scorpions.
%%
The key elements in human thinking are not numbers but labels of fuzzy sets.
 -- L. Zadeh
%%
The key is not the "will to win" ... everybody has that. It is the will to
 prepare to win that is important.
 -- Bobby Knight
%%
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me
away from those who are still undecided.
 -- Casey Stengal
%%
The key to being an expert is to complicate the simple.
%%
The key to Christ's success was that He always did the Father's will.
%%
The key to this game is that there are no keys.
%%
The kids scream 'Oh yuck, we just hit a mosquito on the windshield -
look at its blood.' In fact, it isn't the mosquito's blood, but blood
the insect has just recently sucked from a red-blooded animal. Insect
blood is colorless.  Male mosquitos suck plant juices; females suck
blood.
%%
The kids today can afford either the car or the car insurance, but not
 both. In earlier years, young folks were faced with somewhat the same
 decision. It was either the watch, or the watch chain, but not both.
%%
The kids who don't believe in Santa Claus are the ones
who grow up and play the horses.
%%
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
%%
The kindest man,
The best-condition'd and unwearied spirit
In doing courtesies.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
The kindly fruits of the earth.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- The Litany
%%
The kind of danger people most enjoy
is the kind they can watch from a safe place.
%%
The king [Frederic] has sent me some of his dirty linen to wash; I
will wash yours another time.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Reply to General Manstein
%%
The king has part of the ring in his treasury.
%%
The king offers him Mount Ch'i.
Good fortune. No blame.
%%
The king of terrors.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xviii, 14
%%
The king's name is a tower of strength.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
The kings of modern thought are dumb.
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
 -- Stanzas from the Grande Chartreuse
%%
The king's servant is beset by obstruction upon obstruction,
But it is not his own fault.
%%
The king uses him to march forth and chastise.
Then it is best to kill the leaders
And take captive the followers. No blame.
%%
The kiss, snatch'd hasty from the sidelong maid.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Winter, Line 625
%%
The knell, the shroud, the mattock, and the grave,
The deep damp vault, the darkness and the worm.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 10
%%
The knights are dust,
And their good swords are rust,
Their souls are with the saints, we trust.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
The knob that fires the mighty missile May make World War Three begin,
Write our fate in fires of fissile- Hey! You fool! You've knocked it in!
%%
The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.
 -- Irving Howe
%%
The known is finite, the unknown infinite; intellectually we stand on an
islet in the midst of in illimitable ocean of inexplicability.        Our
business in every generation is to reclaim a little more land.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
The know the divorce rate is getting out of hand when the best man at the
 wedding stands up not for a toast, but to start a pool!
%%
The Korean War must have been fun.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The Kosher Dill was invented in 1723 by Joe Kosher and Sam Dill.  It is the
single most popular pickle variety today, enjoyed throughout the free world by
man, woman and child alike. An astounding 350 billion kosher dills are eaten
each year, averaging out to almost 1/4 pickle per person per day.  New
York Times food critic Mimi Sheraton says "The kosher dill really changed
my life.  I used to enjoy eating McDonald's hamburgers and drinking Iron
City Lite, and then I encountered the kosher dill pickle.  I realized that
there was far more to haute cuisine then I'd ever imagined.  And now, just
look at me."
%%
The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready!
%%
The laboring people found the prisons always open to receive them,
but the courts of justice were practically closed to them.
 -- John Peter Altgeld (1847-1902)
%%
The labourer is worthy of his hire.
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke x, 7; 1 Timothy v, 18
%%
The labour we delight in physics pain.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
The L.A. courts are so backed up with trials against all the looters,
they've opened up a 10 items or less counter!!
 -- George Wallace
%%
The ladies looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
%%
The ladies men admire, I've heard, Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night. They do not keep
awake till three, Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure, Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints ... So far,
I've had no complaints.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
The lady doth protest
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
The Lady Pirate: Peg Legg
%%
The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the
area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The lake has risen up to heaven:
The image of Break-through.
Thus the superior man
Dispenses riches downward
And refrains from resting on his virtue.
%%
The lake rises above the trees:
The image of Preponderance of the Great.
Thus the superior man, when he stands alone,
Is unconcerned,
And if he has to renounce the world,
He is undaunted.
%%
"The Lake Wobegon runestone, which proves that Viking explorers were here
in 1381, is a small black stone covered with Viking runic characters which
read: "8 of us stopped & stayed awhile to visit & have coffee & a short
nap.  Sorry you weren't here.  Well, that's about it for now."
 -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
The LA Lakers' Breakfast: Kareem O'Wheat
%%
The lame dog may miss the hunt, but not the meal.
%%
The landlady and Tam grew gracious
Wi' favours secret, sweet, and precious.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
The landlord's laugh was ready chorus.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
The land of darkness and the shadow of death.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job x, 21
%%
The land of the free!  This is the land of the free!  Why, if I say
anything that displeases them, the free mob will lynch me, and that's my
freedom.  Free?  Why I have never been in any country where the
individual has such an abject fear of his fellow countrymen.  Because,
as I say, they are free to lynch him the moment he shows he is not one
of them.
 -- D. H. Lawrence (1885-1930)
%%
The land of the living.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxviii, 13
%%
The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him
 and called him a fruit.  Man, I hate land like that.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
"The language of politics is poetry, not prose.
 Jackson is poetry.  Cuomo is poetry.  Dukakis is a
 word processor."
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
The language of the Oracle is Truth, and his accent is ASCII.
 -- The USENET Oracle
%%
The language provides a programmer with a set of conceptual tools; if
these are inadequate for the task, they will simply be ignored.  For
example, seriously restricting the concept of a pointer simply forces
the programmer to use a vector plus integer arithmetic to implement
structures, pointer, etc.  Good design and the absence of errors cannot
be guaranteed by mere language features.
 -- Bjorne Stroustrup, "The C++ Programming Language"
%%
The languages, especially the dead,
  The sciences, and most of all the abstruse,
The arts, at least all such as could be said
  To be the most remote from common use.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 40
%%
The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.
 -- Thomas Magliozzi
%%
    The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the
shoreline of wonder.
 -- Ralph W. Sockman
%%
The larger the project or job, the less time there is to do it.
 -- George A. Daher
%%
The large side of a broken ring lies here.
%%
The largest room in the world is the room for improvement.
%%
The L.A. riots of 1992 : Shaka ... when the malls fell.
%%
The larva from its dusty cranny Danny took, and laid on cloth To
watch it hatch ... Too bad for Danny! He thought the pupa held a moth.
%%
The last 10 percent of performance generates one-third of the cost and
two-thirds of the problems.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The last, best fruit which comes to perfection, even in the kindliest
soul, is, tenderness toward the hard, forbearance toward the unforbearing,
warmth of heart toward the cold, philanthropy toward the misanthropic.
 -- Richter
%%
The last blow counts most.
 -- Third Law of Hacking
%%
The Last Borg Scout - Starring Patrick Stewart as Locutus
%%
The last Christian died on the cross. 
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
The last four pages of a critical listing will be lost.
 -- Zepplemier's Corollary
%%
The last girl I made love to, it was not going well. Anytime you make love
 and have to give her the Heimlich maneuver at the same time, it's not a
 good thing.
 -- Garry Shandling
%%
The last good thing I saw on tv was the off switch.
 -- J. Craig Brunson (craig@ukpr.uky.edu)
%%
The last man in the tobacco industry with principle was Sir Walter Raleigh.
 -- Steve Allen
%%
  The Last Man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on
the door. He was tired. He was homesick. He wanted to quit. He had
nowhere else to go.
  There was another knock. This time followed by the reedy alien
whine, "Ten minutes to show time."
  Show time at Walazars Sideshow of the Stars! The home of freaks
and sole survivors.
%%
The last of all the Romans, fare thee well!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
The last person that quit or was fired will be the held responsible
for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.
%%
The last person who said that, God rest his soul, lived to regret it.
%%
The Last Roundup: Brandon Irons
%%
The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leaves five minutes
before you get off work.
 -- John Corcoran
%%
The last sound that it made was "Zap" .
%%
The last temptation is the greatest treason:  To do the right thing for the
wrong reason.
 -- TS Eliot
%%
The last thing England want to do now is let a goal in.
%%
The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
The last time I saw a head like yours was in a bottle ... I'll hit you on
 the top of your head so hard I'll drive your head down into your ribs. When
 you open your eyes you'll think you're in jail!
 -- The Great Gildersleeve (Harold Peary)
%%
The last time I went to a theater, I saw the movie under the worst possible
 conditions - the film was running. It's one of those few times I really did
 envy my feet - they were asleep.
%%
The last time somebody said, `I find I can write much better with a
 word processor.', I replied, `They used to say the same thing about
 drugs.'
 -- Roy Blount, Jr.
%%
The last two words of the Star-Spangled Banner are not "Play Ball!"
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.
 -- Governor Tarkin
%%
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
The late Mr. Lupner was born without a spine."
"No wonder he has the posture of a boiled shrimp!
 -- Saturday Night Live
%%
The late rebellion in Massachusetts has given more alarm than I think it
should have done.  Calculate that one rebellion in 13 states in the
course of 11 years, is but one for each state in a century and a half.
No country should be so long without one.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), in letter to James Madison, 20 December 1787
%%
The late start is due to the time.
%%
The latest sports news:
 Real Madrid  1  -  Surreal Madrid  Fish
%%
The Latino military fare badly when they stumble into war with the gringos.
But in the torture, murder, and massacre of their own people, they have always
performed with brilliance and elan.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
"The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.
 He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him.
 But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are
 given to administer we presently imagine we own."
 -- Herbert George Wells (1866-1946)
%%
The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor,
 to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
 -- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
The law is a sort of hocus-pocus science, that smiles in yer face
while it picks yer pocket; and the glorious uncertainty of it is of
mair use to the professors than the justice of it.
 -- Charles Macklin (1690-1797)
 -- Love a la Mode, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The law is good, if a man use it lawfully.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Timothy i, 8
%%
The law is open.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xix, 38
%%
The Law is your friend..but watch out for the Lawyers.
%%
The law: It has honored us; may we honor it.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Toast at the Charleston Bar Dinner, May 10, 1847, Vol. ii, p. 394
%%
The law neither does nor requires idle acts.
%%
The Law of gravity was just revoked again.  I hate when that happens.
%%
The law of heredity is that all
undesirable traits come from the other parent.
 -- Second Law of sociogenetics
%%
The Law of Moses contains 613 rules.
The Lord summed it up in Ten Commandments.
Christ summarized it in two: Love God, Love thy Neighbor.
%%
The Law of privacy includes underwear.
%%
The Law of Unintended Consequences carries it own penalties...
%%
The Law regards man as man and takes no account of his surroundings or
of his color when his civil rights as guaranteed by the supreme
law of the land are involved.
 -- Justice John Marshall Harlan (1833-1911)
 -- [Sole dissent, Plessy v. Ferguson, 163 U.S. 537 (1896)]
%%
The laws of conscience, which we pretend to be derived from nature,
proceed from custom.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. xxii, Of Custom
%%
The Laws of New York City state that any person who fails to step
on an insect using a public thoroughfare is liable to a $50 fine.
%%
The laws of physics change every Thurday night.
 -- Pickett's First Law of Scientific Research
%%
The laws of physics have no basis in reality.  They describe
the operation of the human mind.
 -- Robert Anton Wilson
%%
The laws of probability, so true in general, so fallacious in particular.
 -- Edward Gibbon
%%
The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
The Lawyers are going to LOVE this one
 -- NEWSDAY
%%
The leader has to be practical and a realist, yet must talk the language
of the visionary and the idealist.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
The leader, mingling with the vulgar host,
Is in the common mass of matter lost.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 397
%%
The leader must know. The leader must know that he knows. The leader must
 let everyone else know that he knows. The leader must make sure that there
 is no question that he knows.
%%
The leadership of the privileged has passed away; but it has not been
succeeded by the leadership of the eminent.  We have entered the region
of mass effects.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
The leader who can enlist cooperation and respect, without having
to pull rank, has power of the most positive kind.
%%
The leaf was darkish, and had prickles on it,
But in another country, as he said,
Bore a bright golden flow'r, but not in this soil;
Unknown, and like esteem'd, and the dull swain
Treads on it daily with his clouted shoon.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 631
%%
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
%%
The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life
than the greatest of things without it.
 -- Carl Jung
%%
The least pain in our little finger gives us more concern and uneasiness than
the destruction of millions of our fellow human beings.
 -- William Hazlitt (1778-1830), Works, Vol.X
%%
The leaves of memory seemed to make
  A mournful rustling in the dark.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Fire of Drift-wood
%%
The lecture the doctor gives you on your weight is called a diatribe.
%%
The Legacy of Bigfoot.
%%
The legacy of Democrats and Republicans approaches: Libertarianism
by bankruptcy.
 -- Nick Nuessle, 1992
%%
The legal system is the epoxy glue that oils the wheels of American
society.
%%
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
%%
The length of a committee meeting rises in direct proportion to the square
 of the number of people entitled to vote on that particular committee.
 -- Shanahan's Law
%%
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human
bladder.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
The length of any meeting is inversely proportional to the length
of the agenda for that meeting.
 -- G. Robert McLaughlin
%%
The length of a progress report is inversely proportional to
the amount of progress.
 -- Sweeney's Law
%%
The length of debate varies inversely with the complexity of the issue.
 -- Robert Knowles
%%
The length of the war depends on how long it might be.
%%
The Leprechaun Gold Tru$t is no division of the Magic Memory Vault.
%%
The less a computer peripheral costs the more it costs to fix.
%%
The less America looks abroad, the grander its promise.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The less a thing can be proved, the angrier we get when we argue about it.
%%
The lesser of two evils -- is evil.
 -- Seymour (Sy) Leon
%%
The less important you are on the table of organization, the more
you'll be missed if you don't show up for work.
%%
The less known about a really attractive opportunity, the more it is what
 is says it is.
%%
The less management demands of engineers and scientists, the
greater their productivity.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
...[T]he lesson [comic books] taught children- or this child, at any
rate- was perhaps the unintentionally radical truth that
exceptionality was the greatest and most heroic of values; that those
who were unlike the crowd were to be treasured the most lovingly; and
that this exceptionality was a treasure so great that it had to be
concealed, in ordinary life, beneath what the comic books called a
'secret identity'.
 -- Salman Rushdie
%%
The lesson these days is the vulgarity of wealth.  We know that wealth
will vote
for the same thing which the worst and meanest of the people vote for.  Wealth
will vote for rum, will vote for tyranny, will vote for slavery, wiil vote
against the ballot, will vote against international copyright,
will vote against schools, colleges or any high direction of public money.
 -- Emerson
%%
The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the
better they'll sleep at night.
 -- Bismark's Law
%%
The less said about the law of diminishing returns, the better.
%%
The less some people know the more eager they are to tell you about it.
%%
The less there is between you and the environment, the more you appreciate
the environment.
%%
The less things change, the more they stay the same.
%%
The less time planning, the more time programming.
%%
The less time there is to fulfill a given demand, the greater the demand
 and the longer it will take to fulfill, and when you are finished, you will
 have done the wrong thing.
%%
The less we love a women, the more we are loved by her.
%%
The less you bet, the more you lose when you win.
%%
The less you bother me, the sooner you'll get results.
%%
The less you enjoy serving on committees, the more likely you are to be pressed
to do so. (Explanation: If you do not like committees, you keep quiet, nod your
head, and look wise while thinking of something else and thereby acquire the
reputation of being a judicious and cooperative colleague; if you enjoy
committees, you talk a lot, make many suggestions and are regarded by the other
members as a nuisance.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
The less you know about home computers the more you'll want the new IBM PS/1.
 -- Advertisment in the Edmonton Journal, Thursday, December 13, 1990
%%
The less your hope, the hotter your love.
%%
The less you say, the less you have to take back.
%%
The letters H, A, L are alphabetically adjacent to the letters I, B, M.
%%
The liberal ideology of the 60's sure ain't the one from the 90's.
%%
The liberal of any species is always more dangerous -- because he always seems
so much more rational.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The Liberal Party is the cream of society:
thick and rich and full of clots.
%%
The liberal says to you, "I'm so understanding, I can't understand anyone
 not understanding me, as understanding as I am."
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
The liberal soul shall be made fat.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xi, 25
%%
The liberties of our country, the freedom of our civil constitution, are
worth defending at all hazards; and it is our duty to defend them
against all attacks.
 -- Samuel Adams
%%
The liberty of the individual is no gift of civilization.  It was greater
before there was any civilization.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
The liberty of the press is not confined to newspapers and periodicals.
 It necessarily embraces pamphlets and leaflets....The press in its
 historical connotation comprehends every sort of publication which
 affords a vehicle of information and opinion.
 -- Lowell v. City of Griffin, 303 U.S. 444, 452 (1938), quoted by Mike
       Godwin in comp.org.eff.talk
%%
The liberty of thinking and publishing whatsoever each one likes,
without any hindrances, is not in itself an advantage over which society
can wisely rejoice.  On the contrary, it is the fountainhead and origin
of many evils.
 -- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
The library is no place to sleep.
%%
The lie was dead
And damned, and truth stood up instead.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Count Gismond, xiii
%%
The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with
its price and directly with its ugliness.
 -- Britt's Green Thumb Postulate
%%
The life expectancy of a television comedian is proportional to the
total amount of exposure on the medium.
%%
The life of a pious minister is visible rhetoric.
 -- Hooker
%%
The life of a repo man is always intense.
%%
The life of man is the true romance, which when it is valiantly conducted
 will yield the imagination a higher joy than fiction.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The life of money-making is one undertaken under compulsion, and wealth is
 evidently not the good we are seeking, for it is merely useful for the sake
 of something else.
 -- Aristotle
%%
The life of the husbandman,--a life fed by the bounty of earth and
sweetened by the airs of heaven.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- The Husbandman's Life
%%
"The life of the people must be freed from the asphyxiating perfume of our
 modern eroticism, as it must be from unmanly and prudish refusal to face
 facts....  The right to personal freedom comes second in importance to the
 duty of sustaining the race."
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), Mein Kampf, 1924
%%
The life which others pay let us bestow,
And give to fame what we to nature owe.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xii, Line 393
%%
The Light at the End of the Tunnel Could be a flame thrower.
%%
The light at the end of the tunnel is probably your house burning down.
%%
The light at the end of the tunnel is usually a "No Exit" sign.
%%
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
%%
The light has sunk into the earth:
The image of Darkening of the Light.
Thus does the superior man live with the great mass:
He veils his light, yet still shines.
%%
The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
%%
The light of love,
The mind, the music breathing from her face,
The heart whose softness harmonized the whole,--
And oh, that eye was in itself a soul!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Bride of Abydos, Canto i, Stanza 6
%%
The light of other days
And all their glories past.
 -- Alfred Bunn (1790-1860)
 -- Song
%%
The light of the body is the eye.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 22
%%
The lights are most likely to come back on at the precise moment you find the
flashlight.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The light that burns twice as bright lasts half as long,
 and you have burned so very, very bright, Roy!
 -- Doctor Eldon Tyrell, in Ridley Scott's Blade Runner
%%
The light that burns twice as brightly burns half as long. You have a long
life ahead of you.
%%
The light that lies
In woman's eyes.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Time I 've lost in wooing
%%
The likelihood of anything happening is in direct proportion to the
amount of trouble it will cause if it does happen.
 -- Sam W. Warren
%%
The limits of my language means the limits of my world.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%%
The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom
they oppose.
 -- Frederick Douglass.
%%
The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places;
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xvi, 6
%%
The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
 -- Allen's Distinction
%%
The Lion Attacked: Claudia Armoff
%%
The lion is not so fierce as they paint him.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is
but for a moment.
 -- Proverbs 12:19
 -- The King James Bible
%%
The Lisa had problems, but it was a terrific piece of engineering that still
 puts the Macintosh to shame.
 -- Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld
%%
The little bird attacks the green dragon, and in an astounding flurry
gets gets burnt to a cinder. The ashes blow away.
%%
The little bird attacks the green snake, and in an astounding flurry
drives drives the snake away.
%%
The little bird is now dead. Its body disappears.
%%
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.
%%
The little dogs and all,
Tray, Blanch, and Sweetheart, see, they bark at me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 6
%%
The little engineer that could.
%%
The little foolery that wise men have makes a great show.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The little foxes, that spoil the vines.
 -- Old Testament
 -- The Song of Solomon ii, 15
%%
The little girl expects no declaration of tenderness from her doll.
She loves it - and that's all.     It is thus that we should love.
 -- DeGourmont
%%
The little I know, I owe to my ignorance
 -- Sacha Guitry
%%
The little mind who loves itself, will write and think with the vulgar; but the
great mind will be bravely eccentric, and scorn the beaten road, from universal
benevolence.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
The little pieces of my life I give to you,
with love, to make a quilt to keep away the cold.
%%
The little sweet doth kill much bitterness.
%%
The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to
friendship.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
The live-long day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
The living dead don't NEED to solve word problems.
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
The living voice is that which sways the soul.
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book ii, Letter iii, 9
%%
The living world is a continuum in each and every aspect.
%%
The Llama is a woolly sort of fleecy hairy goat,
With an indolent expression and an undulating throat
Like an unsuccessful literary man.
 -- Hilaire Belloc, "The Llama"
%%
The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your
remaining repellant.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
The loftier the building, the deeper must the foundation be laid.
 -- Thomas Kempis
%%
The lofty oak from a small acorn grows.
 -- Proverb
%%
The lonely and the hunted explode into rock and roll bands.
%%
The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his
colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them,
when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.
 -- Sidney Harris
%%
The longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it
is, the more likely it is to go wrong.
 -- David and Jane Evelyn
%%
The longer a man is wrong, the surer he is that he's right.
%%
The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and
that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have
only wasted my time.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The longer the deliberation, the stronger the possibility of error in the
 decision.
%%
The longer the title, the less important the job.
 -- Robert Shrum
%%
The longer the wand the better.
%%
The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that
you are standing in the wrong line.
 -- The Queue Principle
The slowest checkout is always the express lane.
 -- Flugg's Rule
%%
The longest chapter in the bible is Psalms 119.
%%
The longest day soon comes to an end.
%%
The longest distance is between head and heart.
 -- Thomas Merton
%%
The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.
 -- Marcus Terentius Varro
%%
The longest pole in the tent is holding everything up.
%%
The longest word in the English language is: "And now a word from our
 honored guest."
%%
The long habit of living indisposeth us for dying.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne
%%
The long historian of my country's woes.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iii, Line 142
%%
The long mechanic pacings to and fro,
The set, gray life, and apathetic end.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Love and Duty
%%
The long narrow road stretched out before her like a string of cheese from a
hot pepperoni pizza (you know, the kind that is just out of the oven and much
too hot to eat but you bite into it anyway and it burns you and leaves little
bits of seared flesh dangling from the roof of your mouth that you tongue
gingerly for the next week) in the early morning light.
 -- James Sanderson, Oregon
%%
The long weekend was created because it's impossible
to cram all the bad weather into two days.
%%
The look, the textures... it's like a movie it's so real.
 -- Michael J. Fox,  The Hard Way
%%
The Lord created the world in six days and on the seventh day, the Lord
 rested. On the eighth day, the Lord started answering the complaints.
%%
The Lord descended from above
  And bow'd the heavens high;
And underneath his feet he cast
  The darkness of the sky.
On cherubs and on cherubims
  Full royally he rode;
And on the wings of all the winds
  Came flying all abroad.
 -- Thomas Sternhold (c. 1549)
 -- A Metrical Version of Psalm civ
%%
The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job i, 21
%%
The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab
 as much as we could with both of them.
 -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
%%
The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.
Fickle, fickle Lord.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The Lord giveth, Uncle Sam taketh away.
%%
The Lord God is subtle, but malicious he is not.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The Lord my pasture shall prepare,
And feed me with a shepherd's care;
His presence shall my wants supply,
And guard me with a watchful eye.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Spectator, No. 444
%%
The Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What
have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Numbers xxii, 28
%%
The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is the reason
He made so many of them.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
The Lord reigneth; let the earth rejoice.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xcvii, 1
%%
The Lord shall hiss for the fly that is in the uttermost parts of
the rivers of Egypt.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah vii, 18
%%
The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are
 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on
 the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
 -- From an article on the growth of federal regulations
                  in the Oct. 24th issue of National Review
%%
The Lord went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them
the way; and by night in a pillar of fire.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Exodus xiii, 21
%%
The Lord will provide, but to date he was behind on his payments.
%%
The loss of liberty in general would soon follow the suppression
of the liberty of the press; for it is an essential branch of liberty,
so perhaps it is the best preservative of the whole.
 -- John Peter Zenger
%%
The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle after
 -- the San Francisco earthquake, 10/19/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
The loss of wealth is loss of dirt,
As sages in all times assert;
The happy man 's without a shirt.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Be Merry Friends
%%
The loss which is unknown is no loss at all.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 38
%%
The lot assigned to every man is suited to him, and suits him to itself.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 4
%%
The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the Lord.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xvi, 33
%%
The lot of man,--to suffer and to die.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iii, Line 117
%%
The lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math.
%%
The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Worship"
%%
The Love [God] that moves the sun and the other stars.
 -- Dante's Paradiso.
[L'Amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle.]
%%
The love of a husky is a precious thing.
%%
The love of justice is simply, in the majority of men, the fear of
suffering injustice.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 78
%%
The love of learning, the sequestered nooks,
And all the sweet serenity of books.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Morituri Salutamus
%%
The love of liberty is the love of others; the love of power is
 the love of ourselves.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
The love of meat prevents any real change.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
The love of money is the root of all evil. For more info, send $20.
%%
The love of money is the root of all evil; which while some coveted after they
have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
 -- I Timothy VI, 10
%%
The love of praise, howe'er conceal'd by art,
Reigns more or less, and glows in ev'ry heart.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire i, Line 51
%%
The lover in the husband may be lost.
 -- Lord Lyttleton (1709-1773)
 -- Advice to a Lady
%%
The love we give away is the only one we keep.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
  The love we hold back is the only pain that follows us here.   And
the memory of that love shouldn't make you unhappy for the rest of
your life.
 -- Always
%%
The low doth punish man or woman
That steals the goose from off the common,
But lets the greater felon loose,
That steals the common from the goose.
 -- Anon. (1764)
%%
The lowest and most dejected thing of fortune.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The low'ring element
Scowls o'er the darken'd landscape.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 490
%%
The loyalties which centre upon number one are enormous.  If he trips he
must be sustained.  If he makes mistakes they must be covered.       If he
sleeps he must not be wantonly disturbed.  If he is no good he must be
pole-axed.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill, "Their Finest Hour"
%%
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
%%
The Luggance Handlers for Northworst Airlines were going on strike, but
 they found it necessary to postpone the strike....someone lost the picket
 signs.
%%
The lunatic fringe begins here.
%%
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet
Are of imagination all compact:
One sees more devils than vast hell can hold,
That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic,
Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt:
The poet's eye, in a fine frenzy rolling,
Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
And as imagination bodies forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
Turns them to shapes, and gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name.
Such tricks hath strong imagination,
That if it would but apprehend some joy,
It comprehends some bringer of that joy;
Or in the night, imagining some fear,
How easy is a bush supposed a bear!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The lustre of diamonds is invigorated by the interposition of darker
bodies; the lights of a picture are created by the shades; the highest
pleasure which nature has indulged to sensitive perception is that of
rest after fatigue.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
The lyfe so short, the craft so long to lerne,
Th' assay so hard, so sharpe the conquering.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Assembly of Fowles, Line 1
%%
 The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt
 power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten.
 (Sound of a kitten meowing.)  If you hang up before you leave a
 message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty.  The
 choice is YOURS!
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
The machine -- not only does it relieve us mechanically of a crushing
weight of physical and mental labor; but by the miraculous enhancing of
our senses, through its powers of enlargement, penetration and exact
measurement, it constantly increases the scope and clarity of our
perceptions.  It fulfills the dream of all living creatures by
satisfying our instinctive craving for the maximum of consciousness with
a minimum of effort!  Having embarked upon so profitable a path, how can
Mankind fail to pursue it?
 -- Teilhard de Chardin
%%
The Macintosh is like a computer, only slower.
%%
The Mac operating system is like the monorail at Disney World.
It's kind of spectacular and fun, but it doesn't go much of anywhere.
Still, the kids like it.
%%
The mad quoter!
%%
The mad scientist was once only a creature of gothic romance; now he is
everywhere, busy torturing atoms and animals in his laboratory.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The magician is seated in his high chair and looks upon the world with favor.
He is at the height of his powers.  If he closes his eyes, he causes the world
to disappear.  If he opens his eyes, he causes the world to come back.  If
there is harmony within him, the world is harmonious.  If rage shatters his
inner harmony, the unity of the world is shattered.  If desire arises within
him, he utters the magic syllables that causes the desired object to appear.
His wishes, his thoughts, his gestures, his noises command the universe.
 -- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 107
%%
The magic in the marriage has faded a little when he would rather see flour
 on her hands than flower in her hair.
%%
The magic of a face.
 -- Thomas Carew (1589-1639)
 -- Epitaph on the Lady S----
%%
The magic word is: xyzzy
%%
The magic words are: squeamish ossifrage
%%
The Magistrate renders summary judgement.
You are sentenced to prison!
The guards recognize you as a 'three-time-loser'
...and beat you up a little to teach you a lesson.
%%
The maid who modestly conceals
Her beauties, while she hides, reveals;
Give but a glimpse, and fancy draws
Whate'er the Grecian Venus was.
 -- Edward Moore (1712-1757)
 -- The Spider and the Bee, Fable x
%%
The mailman bringeth.. The trashmen taketh away!
%%
The main beneficiaries of federal aid are those states that most
oppose the principle.
 -- Bob Smith
%%
The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything
... or nothing.
 -- Nancy Astor
%%
The main difference between a child and parent is that when a child feels
 like he or she should run away from home, the child says this out loud.
%%
The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics
and women are idiots.
 -- Rebecca West
%%
The main impact of the computer has been the provision of unlimited
jobs for clerks.
%%
The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you
that there are children more awful than your own.
%%
The main thing is the play itself.  I swear that greed for money has nothing
to do with it, although heaven knows I am sorely in need of money.
 -- Feodor Dostoyevsky
%%
The major advances in civilization are processes
that all but wreck the societies in which they occur.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
The major cause of poverty is the birth of children to unwed mothers.
 -- Pat Robertson
%%
The major contribution of Protestant thought to the knowledge of mankind is its
massive proof that God is a bore
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that
cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong
goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- Mostly Harmless
%%
The Majority already has its roads and hotels.
Only a small minority enjoy art galleries, libraries, and universities.
Yet no one would suggest making these facilities into bowling alleys,
circuses, or hot dog stands just because more people would use them.
Quality has a claim as well as quantity.
 -- Robert Marshall
%%
The majority, compose them how you will, are a herd, and not a nice one.
 -- William Hazlitt (1778-1830)
%%
The majority is never right.
 -- L. Long  (1912-)
%%
The Majority is never right; unless it includes me.
%%
The majority isn't silent- the government is deaf!
%%
The majority of mankind is lazy-minded, incurious, absorbed in vanities and
tepid in emotion, and is therefore incapable of either much doubt or much
faith.
 -- TS Eliot
%%
The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The
terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The majority of us are for free speech only when it deals with those
subjects concerning which we have no intense convictions.
 -- Edmund B. Chafee
%%
"The major problem--ONE of the major problems, for there are several--one
of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get
to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them."

"To summarize: it is a well known fact that those people who must WANT to
rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.  To summarize
the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President
should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary
of the summary: people are a problem."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The makers may make
and the users may use,
but the fixers must fix
with but minimal clues.
%%
The makers of fortunes have a second love of money as a creation of their
own, resembling the affection of authors for their poems, or of parents for
their children ... and hence they are very bad company, for they talk of
nothing but the praises of wealth.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
The male chauvinist who was upset at women pumping gas is apt to be just
 downright in a frenzy at women pumping iron.
%%
The management question, therefore, is not WHETHER to build a pilot
system and throw it away. You WILL do that. The question is whether to
plan in advance to build a throwaway, or promise to deliver the throwaway
to customers.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., 'The Mythical Man-Month'
%%
The manager has personally passed all the water served
 here.
 -- In an Acapulco hotel
%%
The man forget not, though in rags he lies,
And know the mortal through a crown's disguise.
 -- Mark Akenside (1721-1770)
 -- Epistle to Curio
%%
The man for whom law exists - the man of forms, the
Conservative, is a tame man.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
The "Man From Hope" is now hopeless.
%%
The man has a photographic mind suffering from chronic and severe
 underdevelopment.
%%
The man has expanded my mind.
 -- from "Apocalypse Now"
%%
The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary.
She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.
 -- Norton
%%
The manner of giving, shows the character of the giver, more than
the gift itself.
 -- Lavater
%%
The man of courage flees forward.
 -- Jacques Maritain
%%
The man of virtue make the difficult to be overcome his first business and
success only a subsequent consideration; - this may be called the perfect
virtue.
 -- Cervantes
%%
The man of wisdom is the man of years.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night v, Line 775
%%
The man on top walks a lonely street; the "chain" of command
  is often a noose.
 -- McCoy, "The Conscience of the King," stardate 2818.9.
%%
The man scarce lives who is not more credulous than he ought to be... The
natural disposition is always to believe. It is acquired wisdom and experience
only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it enough.
 -- Adam Smith
%%
The man that blushes is not quite a brute.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night vii, Line 496
%%
The man that hails you Tom or Jack,
And proves, by thumping on your back,
  His sense of your great merit,
Is such a friend that one had need
Be very much his friend indeed
  To pardon or to bear it.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- On Friendship
%%
The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils;
The motions of his spirit are dull as night,
And his affections dark as Erebus.
Let no such man be trusted.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
The man that lays his hand upon a woman,
Save in the way of kindness, is a wretch
Whom 't were gross flattery to name a coward.
 -- John Tobin (1770-1804)
 -- The Honeymoon, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The man that makes a character makes foes.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- To Mr. Pope, Epistle i, Line 28
%%
The man the state has put in place must have obedient hearing to his
least command when it is right, and even when it's not.
 -- Sophocles
%%
The man told the ghost to go away, "You don't have a haunting license."
%%
The manual only makes sense AFTER you learn the program.
%%
The Manufacturer May Technically
Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is TenDimensional. However,
the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and
Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven
New Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They
Cannot Be Detected.
 -- NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER
%%
The man who believes he can do it is probably right.
 -- Helvetius
%%
The man who builds a factory builds a temple; the man who works there,
worships there.
 -- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
%%
The man who builds and wants wherewith to pay Provides a home from
which to run away.
 -- Young
%%
The man who can laugh when he isn't amused is always popular.
%%
The man who comes with a tale about others has himself an ax to grind.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who
can't read them.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the
 crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no
 one has ever been.
 -- Alan Ashley-Pitt
%%
The man who gets busy as a bee may find that his honey is gone, if he is
 not attentive to the hive.
%%
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another
must wait till that other is ready.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854), I, Economy
%%
The man who graduates today and stops learning tomorrow
is uneducated the day after.
 -- Newton D. Baker
%%
The man who has ceased to learn ought not to be allowed to wander
around loose in these dangerous days.
 -- M. M. Coady
%%
The man who has everything should be quarantined.
%%
The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
 -- Menander
%%
The man who has no imagination has no wings.
 -- Muhammad Ali
%%
The man who has no more problems to solve is out of the game.
%%
The man who has not anything to boast of but
his illustrious ancestors is like a potato -
the only good belonging to him is underground.
 -- Sir Thomas Overbury
%%
The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he
decides, never decides.
 -- Henri-Frederic Amiel
%%
The man who invented the zip fastener was today honored with a lifetime
 peerage. He'll now be known as the Lord of the Flies.
 -- Ronnie Barker
%%
The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
The man who is too old to learn was probably always too old to learn.
%%
The man who is too old to learn was probably always too young to remember.
%%
The man who laughs has not yet been told the terrible news.
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the
bore.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902), "The Fair Haven", 1873
%%
The man who listens to Reason is lost:  Reason enslaves all whose minds
are not strong enough to master her.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The man who lives in the past, robs the present.
%%
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
 -- William Connor Magee, bishop of Peterborough
%%
The man who misses an anniversary catches it later...
%%
The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.
 -- Herbert George Wells (1866-1946), "Time After Time"
%%
The man who raises his voice first has lost the argument.
%%
The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who
  reads nothing but newspapers.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
The man who rows the boat seldom has time to rock it.
 -- Bill Copeland
%%
The man who runs may fight again.
 -- Menander
%%
The man who said: "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush" has been
putting his bird in the *WRONG* bushes.
%%
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor
judge of distance.
%%
The man who says what he thinks is finished, and the man who thinks what he
says is an idiot.
%%
The man whose acquisitions stick is the man who is always achieving
and advancing whilst his neighbors, spending most of their time in
relearning what they once knew but have forgotten, simply hold their
own."
 -- William James
%%
The man who sees both sides of a question is a man who sees absolutely
nothing.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
The man who sees, on New Year's day,
Mount Fuji, a hawk, and an eggplant is forever blessed.
 -- Old Japanese proverb
%%
The man who sees the consistency in things is a wit, the man who sees
the inconsistency in things is a humorist.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of
someone he can blame it on.
 -- Jones' Law
%%
The man who smokes, thinks like a sage and acts like a Samaritan.
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- Night and Morning, Chap. vi
%%
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
The man who thinks he is smarter than his wife is married to a very smart
 woman.
%%
The man who tips a shilling every time he stops for petrol is giving away
 annually the cost of lubricating his car.
 -- J. Paul Getty
%%
The man who understands one woman
is qualified to understand pretty well everything.
 -- William Butler Yeats
%%
The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted
30 years of his life.
 -- Muhammad Ali
%%
The man who will live above his present circumstances is in great
danger of living in a little time much beneath them.
 -- Addison
%%
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he
has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'
 -- Will Rogers
%%
The man with the biggest feet in the world, Irish-born, Italian-raised
Giovanni O'Shamus caused an upset at Wimbledon during the week, when h
stepped on his opponent in the first round of the Men's Singles. The
squashed man, American Rocky Steinburger was rushed to hospital but was
pronounced flat on arrival. O'Shamus, who is ranked forty-three thousandth
in the world, claimed he had been unable to see because John McEnroe's ego
had got in the way, obscuring most of the court, making it too dark to se
where he was going.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
The many still must labour for the one.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto i, Stanza 8
%%
The map is not the territory.
 -- Alfred Korzbyski
%%
The map is not the territory, but you can't fold up the
territory and put it in your glove compartment.
%%
The march of the human mind is slow.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 149
%%
The margin is very marginal.
%%
The mariner of old said to Neptune in a great tempest, "O God! thou
mayest save me if thou wilt, and if thou wilt thou mayest destroy
me; but whether or no, I will steer my rudder true."
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xvi, Of Glory
%%
The Marines:
The few, the proud, the not very bright.
%%
The market is not an invention of capitalism.  It has existed for
centuries.  It is an invention of civilization.
 -- Mikhail Gorbachev
%%
The market-place is a place set aside where men may deceive and overreach
each other.
 -- Anacharsis (f1. c. 600 B.C.), Scythian philosopher
 -- Quoted in Diogenes Laertius, Sententiae
%%
The market will rally from this or lower levels.
 -- Stockbroker's Declaration
%%
The mark of a good action is that it appears inevitable in retrospect.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a
cause,   while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly
for one.
 -- William Stekel
%%
The mark of a true M.B.A. is that he is often wrong but seldom
in doubt.
%%
The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice
and tragedy.  What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the
master calls a butterfly.
 -- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of
husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism
are one, and that one is marxism.
 -- Heidi Hartmann, "The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism"
%%
The marrying maiden as a concubine.
A lame man who is able to tread.
Undertakings bring good fortune.
%%
The marrying maiden as a slave.
She marries as a concubine.
%%
The marrying maiden draws out the allotted time.
A late marriage comes in due course.
%%
The Marrying Maiden.
Undertakings bring misfortune.
Nothing that would further.
%%
The Martian canals were the Martians' last ditch effort.
%%
The martians are coming!
The martians are coming!
Prematurely, of course.
%%
The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to
burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments.
 -- William H. Borah
%%
The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a soda can,
when discarded will last forever ... and a $7,000 car which when properly cared
for will rust out in two or three years.
%%
The masses seem to me worthy of notice in only three respects: first
as blurred copies of great men, produced on bad paper with worn plates,
further as a resistance to the great, and finally as the tools of the
great; beyond that, may the devil and statistics take them.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
The mass media is supported and sustained by commercial entities. And corn
 flakes and Shakespeare are simply not kissing cousins.   Leonard Bernstein and
 living bras are incompatible.  And you cannot sustain adult, probing,
 meaningful drama when the proceedings are interrupted every twelve minutes by
 a dozen dancing rabbits with toilet paper.
 -- Rod Serling
%%
The mass of mankind has not been born with saddles on their backs,
nor a favored few booted and spurred , ready to ride them legitimately,
by the grace of God.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, 1826
%%
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Walden", 1854
%%
The master class has always brought a war and the subject class has
always fought the battle.  The master class has had all to gain and
nothing to lose, and the subject class has had all to lose and nothing
to gain.
 -- Eugene V. Debs (1855-1926)
%%
The master programmer moves from program to program without fear.
No change in management can harm him. He will not be fired, even if
the project is cancelled. Why is this? He is filled with Tao.
%%
The master's eye makes the horse fat.
%%
The matchless Ganymed, divinely fair.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xx, Line 278
%%
The mate for beauty should be a man and not a money chest.
 -- Bulwer
%%
The materials of action are variable, but the use we make of them
should be constant.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- How Nobleness of Mind may be consistent with Prudence,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. v
%%
    The mathematician lives long and lives young; the wings of
his soul do not early drop off, nor do its pores become
clogged with the earthy particles blown from the dusty
highways of vulgar life.
 -- James Joseph Sylvester
%%
The maxim that "Honesty is the best policy" is one which, perhaps,
no one is ever habitually guided by in practice. An honest man is
always before it, and a knave is generally behind it.
 -- Richard Whately, Archbishop of Dublin
%%
The maxi-strength bbs.
%%
The Maya regarded death as an antisocial act.
 -- Victor W. von Hagen, in Ralph Whitlock's
                                 "Everyday Life of the Maya"
%%
... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
 -- Dave Barry
%%
The maze may take on some shape if you go south!
%%
Them bats is smart--they use radar.
 -- Dave Letterman
%%
The McDonald's has burgers, for those who buy them.
%%
The meanest floweret of the vale,
The simplest note that swells the gale,
The common sun, the air, the skies,
To him are opening paradise.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Ode on the Pleasure arising from Vicissitude, Line 53
%%
The meaning of a word is what is explained by the explanation of the
meaning.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein, "Philosophical Investigations"
%%
The meaning of here and now is beautifully illustrated by a Zen story of a
monk who was being chased by two tigers. He came to the edge of a cliff. He
looked back - the tigers were almost upon him. Noticing a vine leading over
the cliff, he quickly crawled over the edge and began to let himself down the
vine. Then as he checked below, he saw two tigers waiting for him at the
bottom of the cliff. He looked up and observed that two mice were knawing away
at the vine. Just then, he saw a beautiful strawberry within arm's reach. He
picked it and enjoyed the best tasting strawberry in his whole life!
 -- Ken Keyes
%%
The Meaning Of Life: The reason that we're all here is that it was too crowded
 where we were supposed to go.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers,
always end up on their ends without any means.
 -- Saul Alinsky
%%
The measure of a man's life is the well spending of it, and not the length.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Consolation to Apollonius
%%
The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew
he never would be found out.
 -- Thomas Babington Macaulay
%%
The measure of choosing well is whether a man likes what he has chosen.
 -- Lamb
%%
The measure of man is what he does with power.
 -- Pittacus
%%
The mechanistic world view, taking the play of physical particles as ultimate
reality, found its expression in a civilization which glorifies physical
technology that has led eventually to the catastrophes of our time. Possibly
the model of the world as a great organization can help to reinforce the sense
of reverence for the living which we have almost lost in the last sanguinary
decades of human history.
 -- Ludwig von Bertalanffy
%%
The media & the O.J. story: feeding frenzy in a tank of baracudas.
%%
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior
teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
 -- William Arthur Ward
%%
The medium is the massage.
 -- Crazy Nigel
%%
The medium is the message.
 -- Marshall McLuhan
%%
The meek are contesting the will.
%%
The meek are getting ready.
%%
The meek can inherit the earth -- the rest of us have other plans.
%%
The meek-ey'd Morn appears, mother of dews.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 47
%%
The meek may inherit the earth, but it's the grumpy who get promoted.
%%
The meek shall inherit shit.
 -- David Lee Roth
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth after the strong are done with it.
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth...anyone else would refuse.
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth. Are you ready?
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth;
but by that time there won't be anything left worth inheriting.
%%
The Meek shall inherit the earth, but I'll have fun until they do.
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.
 -- J. Paul Getty
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you.
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth.
 -- Psalms 37:11
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth..... The rest of us will go to the stars.
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth. They won't have the nerve to refuse it.
 -- Jackie Vernon
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth, with your permission.
%%
The meek will inherit the earth ... in pine boxes six feet long by ...
%%
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical
substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
 -- Carl Jung
%%
The meeting points the sacred hair dissever
From the fair head, forever, and forever!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto iii, Line 153
%%
The melancholy days are come, the saddest of the year,
Of wailing winds and naked woods and meadows brown and sear.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- The Death of the Flowers
%%
The melancholy truth was that his glorious golden head had nothing in it.
 -- Cecil Woodham Smith
%%
The members of my generation who served in Vietnam made a sacrifice
for their country that was far, far greater than mine.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
[The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be
undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful
for impotency.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
The memorable thing is not to excel against others,
but to excel against ourselves.
The real contest is within.
The real trophy is the self.
The best of all prizes is becoming a person you are proud of.
 -- George Sheenan, M.D.
%%
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to
me.  I remember we'd all pile into the car---I forget what kind it
was---and drive and drive.  I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think
there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in
the air as we played whatever sport we played.  I remember a bigger,
older guy we called "Dad."  We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then
I think we went home.  I guess some things never leave you.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
The memory be green.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The memory of the just is blessed.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs x, 7
%%
 (Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:)  Good
 evening.  I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as
 he's quite tied up.  (Sounds of struggle in background, and
 voice heard through a gag.)  I should know.  I tied him up.  But
 leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he
 manages to get free.  And speaking of things that are not free,
 we now have this word from our sponsor...
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 (Theme music from James Bond:)  Hello.  My name is David, code
 number 324-5628.  I'm sorry I can't take your call, but I'm on
 an international mission involving the theft of gold plated
 Spam.  Leave a message after the tone, and should I survive my
 mission, I'll call you back.  Ciao babies!
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
 (Theme music from Peter Gunn:)  My name is David.  What people
 call me is something else entirely.  I'm a P.I.  It says so on
 my door.  I would have been here to take your call, but then...
 she walked in.  She was the kind of dame that could make Mr.
 Spock speak French.  Her baby blues wouldn't let me turn her
 case down, so leave me a clue of your identity after the tone
 and I'll track you down.  Here's lookin' at you, kid.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
The men and women are lifting the world upward and onward are those
who encourage more than criticize.
%%
The men don't know but the little girls understand.
%%
The men in white coats apologized for causing a bit of a traffic
 jam but explained to the waiting motorists that their tyres had
 to be sprayed to prevent the spread of a mysterious plague that
 was wiping out wildlife in the area. Most motorists accepted the
 story without question. A few complained and police then discovered
 that the "scientists" were students from a university who had
 thought up the hoax.
%%
The men of England,--the men, I mean, of light and leading in England.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 365
%%
The men sat sipping their tea in silence. After a while the
 klutz said, "Life is like a bowl of sour cream."
 "Like a bowl of sour cream?" asked the other. "Why?"
 "How should I know? What am I, a philosopher?"
%%
The mens' restroom at Northern Telecom's Atlanta location (since closed
 down) had blackboards on the walls of the stalls with chalk for writing
 graffiti (true). People ignored the chalk and wrote on the blackboards with
 pen.
%%
The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most
daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try
to tell them the truth.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
&TheMenWhoHoldHighPlacesMustBeThe1stToStart..
%%
The men who succeed are the efficient few.  They are the few who have
the ambition and will power to develop themselves.
 -- Herbert N. Casson
%%
The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than
those who try nothing and succeed.
 -- Lloyd Jones
%%
The merchant asks you if you want to buy a horse for 250GP.
Pay the merchant? [yn]
The merchant takes your money and tells you to select
any horse you want in the stables.
He says: 'You'll want to get to know him before trying to
ride him. By the way, food for the horse is not included.'
The merchant runs off toward the bank, cackling gleefully.
%%
The merchant ignores you and screams:
'Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!'
%%
The mere act of hearing or reading wise statements and sound advice
does little for anyone. In the process of learning, the learner's
dynamic cooperation is required.
%%
The mere formulation of a problem is often far more essntial than its solution.
To raise new problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and mark
real advances...
 -- Albert Einstein
 -- (why don't my prof's ever accept this on a test??? hehehehehehehe)
%%
The mere repetition of the Cantilena of lawyers cannot make it law,
unless it can be traced to some competent authority; and if it be
irreconcilable, to some clear legal principle.
 -- Lord Denman (1779-1854)
 -- O' Connell v, The Queen, 11 Clark and Finnelly Reports
%%
The mere thought of cremation turned him ashen.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
The merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
The message from the moon which we have flashed to the far corners
of the planet is that no problem need any longer be considered insoluble.
 -- Norman Cousins, Apollo astronaut
%%
The message of David Duke, is this, basically: Big government, anti-big
government, get out of my pocketbook, cut my taxes, put welfare people
back to work. That's a very popular message. The problem is the messenger.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
The message of history is clear:
the past lies before us.
%%
The Messiah will come.  There will be a resurrection of the dead -- all
the things that Jews believed in before they got so damn sophisticated.
 -- Rabbi Meir Kahane
%%
The metalic years, silver hair, gold teeth, lead botom.
%%
The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and
 apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
 -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
%%
The meteor flag of England
Shall yet terrific burn,
Till danger's troubled night depart,
And the star of peace return.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Ye Mariners of England
%%
THE METROPOLITAN TRANSIT AUTHORITY is pleased to announce the new
transport zoning system for the Melbourne metropolitan area, which we
have been working on ever since the last zoning system came into effect.
The new system will consist of not three, but forty-seven zones. To work
out which zone you are in, take the page number of the Melways
street-directory you are in and call it 'x'.
    Your zone = int ((x * tan (x) ^ 2 ) mod 47) + 1
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
The Mets were great in 'sixty eight,
The Cards were fine in 'sixty nine,
But the Cubs will be heavenly in nineteen and seventy.
 -- Ernie Banks
%%
Them fancy Japanese steak houses--they make you take off your shoes before
 you even go in. That's because the food is so bad they're afraid you're
 gonna kick 'em.
 -- Billy Holliday
%%
Them folks what grows cacti in the indoors is a little off the center too
 much.
%%
The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
 -- P.J. O'Rourke
%%
The middle sort of historians (of which the most part are) spoil all;
they will chew our meat for us.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. x, Of Books
%%
The mightiest rivers lose their force
 when split up into several streams.
 -- Ovid
%%
The mike works. That's very important to make sure the mike works, and
ours is working well.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle informing reporters of a successful
                   sound check before the VP debate, 10/5/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
The mildest manners, and the gentlest heart.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xvii, Line 756
%%
The mildest manners with the bravest mind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxiv, Line 963
%%
The military is developing artificial intelligence because that
way they can have the perfect fighting man - smart enough to
understand what he's been told to do, but stupid enough that he
never questions why.
%%
The military loathes you, too, Bill.
%%
The military never has been known for precision, and so they call someone a
 private who has less privacy in their life than most incarcerated criminals
 do in theirs.
%%
The militia of these free commonwealths, entitled and accustomed
to their arms, when compared with any possible army, must be
_tremendous and irresistable_. Who are the militia? _are they not
ourselves_. Is it feared, then, that we shall turn our arms _each
man against his own bosom_. Congress have no power to disarm the
militia. Their swords, and every other terrible implement of the
soldier, are _the birth-right of an American_...the unlimited
power of the sword is not in the hands of either the _federal or
state governments_, but, where I trust in God it will ever remain,
_in the hands of the people_.
 -- Tench Coxe 20 Feb. 1788
%%
The mill cannot grind with the water that is past.
 -- Proverb
%%
The miller sees not all the water that goes by his mill.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 3, Memb. 4, Subsect. 1
%%
The mills of the gods grind very slow but exceedingly fine.
%%
The mind, conscious of rectitude, laughed to scorn the falsehood of report.
 -- Ovid (43 BC)
 -- Fasti, iv, 311
%%
The mind covers more ground than the heart but goes less far.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
The mind grows by what it feeds upon.
%%
The mind has exactly the same power as the hands:  not merely to grasp the
world, but to change it.
 -- Colin Wilson
%%
The mind is an errogenous zone.
%%
The mind is an iceberg -- it floats with only one-seventh of its bulk
over water.
 -- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
"The mind is everything," wrote Proust. No doubt true, when you're dead from
the neck down.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The mind is never blank, if it were, how would you know?
 -- Ed Foreman, Texas Association of State Systems for Computing
and Communications Conference July 94, Ft. Worth, TX
%%
The mind is no match with the heart in persuasion; constitutionality is
no match with compassion.
 -- Everett M. Dirksen
%%
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
 -- Plutarch
%%
The mind is the 2nd thing to go, don't remember what's 1st
%%
The mind is the final battlefield. The stuff in between is just noise.
%%
The mind is the place great adventures start.
%%
The mind is what the brain does.
%%
The mind of man is vastly like a hive; His thoughts are busy ever, all
alive; But here the simile will go no further; For bees are making
honey, one and all; Man's thoughts are busy in producing gall; Committing,
as it were, self-murther.
 -- Dr. Wolcott
%%
The mind of the bigot is like the pupil of the eye.  The more light you
pour upon it, the more it will contract.
 -- Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
The mind ought sometimes to be amused, that it may the better return
to thought, and to itself.
 -- Phaedrus
%%
The minds of some of our statesmen, like the pupil of the human eye,
contract themselves the more, the stronger light there is shed upon
them.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Preface to Corruption and Intolerance
%%
The mind unlearns with difficulty what it has long learned.
 -- Seneca
%%
The ming vase drops with a delicate crash.
%%
The minority is always in the right.
 -- Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906)
%%
The Mintakans are beginning to believe in a god, and the one they've
  chosen is you.
 -- Riker to Picard, "Who Watches the Watchers", stardate 43173.5
%%
The minumum daily requirement for hugs is 4.
%%
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
%%
The minute you sign a client is the minute you start to lose him.
 -- James M. Blankenship
%%
The minute you start to analyze why sex feels so good, it stops feeling good
and starts feeling silly.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The Miracle Drug: Penny Cillin
%%
The mirror of all courtesy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves
the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates
him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions.
 -- Marquis D. A. F. de Sade
%%
The misanthrope's catastrophic apostrophe landed in the cantaloupe near the
 antelope's interloper.
 -- R. Michael Young
%%
The miserable have no other medicine,
But only hope.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead to what might
be general systems laws.  For example, Frank Harary once suggested the
law that any field that had the word science in its name was
guaranteed thereby not to be a science.    He would cite as examples
Military Science, Library Science, Political Science, Homemaking
Science, Social Science, and Computer Science.  Discuss the generality
of this law, and possible reasons for its predictive
power.
 -- Gerald Weinberg, An Introduction to General Systems
                   Thinking.
%%
The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages--as if the savages
weren't dangerous enough already.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The mistakes are all waiting to be made.
 -- chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the
     game's opening position
%%
The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.
 -- Tenessee Williams
%%
The mistletoe hung in the castle hall,
The holly-branch shone on the old oak wall.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- The Mistletoe Bough
%%
Themistocles being asked whether he would rather be Achilles or Homer,
said, "Which would you rather be,--a conqueror in the Olympic games,
or the crier that proclaims who are conquerors?"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Themistocles
%%
Themistocles said that a man's discourse was like to a rich Persian
carpet, the beautiful figures and patterns of which can be shown only
by spreading and extending it out; when it is contracted and folded
up, they are obscured and lost.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Themistocles
%%
Themistocles said that he certainly could not make use of any stringed
instrument; could only, were a small and obscure city put into his
hands, make it great and glorious.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Themistocles
%%
Themistocles said to Antiphales, "Time, young man, has taught us both
a lesson."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Themistocles
%%
The Mob And The Government Are No Different
%%
The mob of gentlemen who wrote with ease.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 108
%%
The mockingbird can change its tune eighty-seven times in seven minutes.
Politicians regard this interesting fact with envy.
%%
The mode by which the inevitable comes to pass is effort.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
The Moderator's back, we'd better kill this conversation.
%%
The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
The modern conqueror cannot "take" any spoils.
 -- Sir Norman Angell (1872-1967)
%%
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises
in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral
justification for selfishness.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
The modern definition of racist is someone who is winning an argument
with a liberal
 -- Peter Brimelow
 -- National Review (2/1/93)
%%
The modest front of this small floor,
Believe me, reader, can say more
Than many a braver marble can,--
"Here lies a truly honest man!"
 -- Richard Crashaw (c. 1616-1650)
 -- Epitaph upon Mr. Ashton
%%
The moe the merrier.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
The mole has burrowed through the wall, as you follow him the wall
behind behind you caves in. There is no way back!
%%
The mole is frightened and runs off!
%%
The moment a woman marries, some terrible revolution happens in her
system; all her good qualities vanish, presto, like eggs out of a
conjurers box. 'Tis true that they appear on the other side of the
box, but for the husband, they are gone forever.
 -- Bulwer
%%
The moment in which you confront your own death is the moment in which you are
most totally alive.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing
else.
 -- Martina Navratilova
%%
The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed; there
is no winter and no night; all tragedies, all ennuis, vanish -- all
duties even.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The moment you forecast, you know you're going to be wrong, you just
don't know when and in which direction.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it. It probably
isn't right.
 -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
The moment you're born you're done for.
 -- Arnold Bennett
%%
The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
 -- Nicol Williamson
%%
The monarch oak, the patriarch of the trees, Shoots rising up, and
spreads by slow degrees; Three centuries he grows, and three he stays
Supreme in state; and in three more decays.
 -- Dryden
%%
The money saved for a rainy day now buys a smaller umbrella.
%%
The money you save after the kids have gone can be used well, to afford new
 housing for the smaller family.
%%
The Monkey Cage: Jim Panzee
%%
The monkey speaks his mind.
%%
The monster London laugh at me.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Of Solitude, xi
%%
The moone is made of a greene cheese.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
%%
The moon is blue and I'm not to happy either.
%%
The moon is made of green cheese.
 -- John Heywood (1497-1580)
%%
The moon looks
On many brooks,
"The brook can see no moon but this."
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- While gazing on the Moon's Light
%%
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
%%
The moon nearly at the full.
The team horse goes astray.
No blame.
%%
The moon only rises once a day?
%%
The morale of troops on the home front is just as important as the
morale of troops likely to be blown up at any moment.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle (you knew he would have one)
speaking about his morale boosting trip to a National Guard
Armory in Grand Rapids following his moral boosting visit with
U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia.
%%
The moral is: Never try to teach your parents anything.
%%
The moral law is written on the tablets of eternity.  For every false
word or unrighteous deed, for cruelty and oppression, for lust or
vanity, the price has to be paid at last.
 -- James A. Froude (1818-1894)
%%
The moral majority is neither.
%%
The moral of the story is: Kill the parents kill the children.
%%
 The moral principles and precepts contained in the Scriptures
 ought to form the basis of all our civil constitutions and laws.
 All the miseries and evils which men suffer from vice, crime,
 ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery, and war, proceed from
 their despising or neglecting the precepts contained in the Bible.
 -- Noah Webster
%%
The moral world is as little exempt as the physical world from the law
of ceaseless change, of perpetual flux.
 -- Sir James G. Frazer
%%
The more a cat runs over your car, the more pawprints it gets.
%%
The more advanced the civilization, the less powerful the individual.
%%
The more a man is imbued with the ordered regularity of all events,
the firmer becomes his conviction that there is no room left by the
side of this ordered regularity for causes of a different nature.  For
him neither the rule of human nor the rule of divine will exists as an
independent cause of natural events.  To be sure, the doctrine of a
personal God interfering with natural events could never be refuted,
in the real sense, by science, for this doctrine can always take
refuge in those domains in which scientific knowledge has not yet been
able to set foot.

But I am persuaded that such behavior on the part of the
representatives of religion would not only be unworthy but also
fatal.   For a doctrine which is able to maintain itself not in clear
light, but only in the dark, will of necessity lose its effect on
mankind, with incalculable harm to human progress.  In their struggle
for the ethical good, teachers of religion must have the stature to
give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is, give up that source
of fear and hope which in the past placed such vast powers in the
hands of priests.  In their labors they will have to avail themselves
of those forces which are capable of cultivating the Good, the True,
and the Beautiful in humanity itself.  This is, to be sure, a more
difficult but an incomparably more worthy task.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repair.
 -- Veil's Law of Value
%%
The more a recruit knew about a given subject, the better chance
he had of receiving an assignment involving some other subject.
 -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away
    to be repaired.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #35
%%
The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave
 her with no hard feelings.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room,
the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.
%%
The more complex the idea or technology, the more simpleminded is
the opposition.
%%
The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the
  simplicity of play.
 -- Kirk, "Shore Leave," stardate 3025.8.
%%
The more control, the more that requires control.
%%
The more cordial the buyers secretary,
the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
%%
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws.
 -- Cornelius Tacitus, 56-120 A.D.
%%
The more crap you believe, the better off you are.
 -- Charles Bukowski
%%
The more crowded the bus, the more likely
 you'll be carrying a newly bought duvet.
%%
The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
lower the mailing cost.
 -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, The Devil's DP Dictionary
%%
The more detailed the map, the more lost you get.
%%
    The more efficient computers become at inducing new
knowledge, the more widely that knowledge will be applied,
even in matters of life and death.  It is essential that such
knowledge be open to inspection.  This means that designers of
learning systems have a public duty to use comprehensible
description languages-- even if that means sacrificing
performance.  Otherwise we run the risk of generating truly
"unknowable knowledge."
 -- Richard Forsyth
 -- Machine Learning for Expert Systems
%%
The more efficient you are in planning, the more easily your are upset by
 accident.
%%
The more enthusiastic, unruly, and large the candidate's crowds in
the week before the election, the less likely he is to carry the area.
 -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
The more fantastic an ideology or theology, the more fanatic its adherents.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The more feminizts I know, the more I love my dog.
%%
The more hair I lose, the more head I get!
%%
The more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he
has to escape being taxed.
 -- Diogenes
%%
The more homes they build without basements or attics, the more frequent
 are the garage sales going to be.
%%
The more honesty a man has, the less he affects the air of a saint.  The
affectation of sanctity is a blotch on the face of piety.
 -- Lavater
%%
The more I know about religion, the more I like video games.
%%
The more I know about WINDOWS, the more I like DesqView!
%%
The more I know men, the better I like my cat.
%%
The more I know me, the less I like me.
 -- Doctor, Time and the Rani
%%
The more I learn about men, the more I like my horse.
%%
The more I learn about men, the more I love my dog.
%%
The more I learn about women, the more I love my cat.
%%
The more I learn, the less I know.
%%
The more I learn, the more I have to learn.
%%
The more I look, the more I like it.  I do think it's good.
I wish you were here to see it.
%%
The more important the communication and the more urgent the need, the more
 likely it is that communication gets lost in the mail. You've never heard
 of junk mail getting lost in the mail, have you?
%%
 The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the
 further its influence will extend and the more plans
 will have to be redrawn.
 -- Second Law of Revision
%%
The more intelligent and competent a woman is in her adult life,
the less likely she is to have received an adequate amount of romantic
attention in adolescence.
 -- Susan Jacoby
%%
The more I see of men the less I like them; if I could but say so of women
 too, all would be well.
%%
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.
 -- Madame de Stael (1766-1817) French writer
%%
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the legislatures of
 this land, the more respect I develop for members of the animal kingdom.
 Fleas and ticks the dogs get, other forms of vermin are not so common.
 These species got something going for them that we humans need to immitate.
%%
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never
 worshipped anything but himself.
 -- Sir Richard F. Burton
%%
The more it stays the same, the less it changes.
%%
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
 -- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
%%
The more keys you have, the more likely you are to be locked out.
 -- Joe's Law of Keys
%%
The more known about people, the more to admire in dogs.
%%
The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there
will be.
 -- Lao Tsu
%%
The more laws, the less justice.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.) Roman Orator, poet, statesman
 -- De Officiis (44 B.C.)
%%
The more liberals I hear, the more conservative I get.
%%
The more noise a motor or a man makes the less power is available.
 -- W. R. McGeary
%%
The more often a person feels, and fails to act, the less he will be
able to act, and in the long run, the less he will be able to feel.
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
The more one produces, the less one gets.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.
 -- Arthur Koestler
%%
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
%%
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
 -- David Paranka
%%
The more people I meet, the more I love my battleaxe.
%%
The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make.
 Ozman's Law
%%
The more pretentious the corporate name, the smaller the organization.
(For instance, the Murphy Center for the Codification
of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, and AT&T.)
 -- Nusbaum's Rule
%%
The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely
the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification
is a non-threatening incompetence.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
The more RAM you have, the better
 -- M. Chambers
%%
The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.
 -- Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery
 -- Wayne R. Bartz
%%
The more right one is, the more careful he should be to express his
opinion tactfully. The other fellow never likes to be proved wrong.
 -- John Luther
%%
The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the
clearer we should see through it.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre
%%
"The more society becomes information instead of material objects,
this question of whether a person can copy things will make the difference
between a world of universal prosperity or a world of constant rat race."
 -- Richard M. Stallman
%%
The more specific the name, the better the wine.
 -- Frank Schoonmaker
%%
The more successful the villain, the more successful the picture.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
The more, the better.
%%
The more the change, the more it is the same thing.
[Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.]
 -- Alphonse Karr
%%
The more the name of the product promises, the less it delivers.
 -- Beste's Principle
%%
The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
The more the state plans the more difficult planning becomes for the
individual.
 -- Friedrich Hayek
%%
The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
%%
The more things change, the more they remain the same.
 -- Alphonse Karr, "Les Guepes", January 1849
%%
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
%%
The more things you do not know how to do, the less you will have to do,
 and the more time you will have to unlearn things you knew, so that you
 will be able to do even less.
%%
The more thou stir it, the worse it will be.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vi
%%
The more time you spend in reporting on what you are
doing, the less time you have to do anything.  Stability is
achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing
you are doing.
 -- Cohn's Law
%%
The more time you spend talking about what you have been doing, the less
time you have to spend doing what you have been talking about. Eventually,
you spend more and more time talking about less and less until finally you
spend all your time talking about nothing.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLVIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The more unpredictable the world becomes,
the more we rely on predictions.
 -- Steve Rivkin
%%
The more unworkable the urban plan, the greater the probability of
implementation.
 -- Robert Wood
%%
The more urgent the need for decision, the less apparent is
the identity of the decision-maker.
 -- Murphy's Seventeenth Law
%%
The more waist, the less speed.
%%
The more we condemn unadulterated Marxian Socialism, the stouter
should be our insistence on thorough-going social reforms.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of
us is right.
%%
The more we do; the more we can do...
%%
The more we love, the nearer we are to hate.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
    The more we study mind and matter scientifically the more
we see that all things follow a natural sequence, a sequence
as liable to work for our disadvantage as for our advantage.
It flows like the water of a river, it falls like rain, it is
as impartial as the sea.  It is as innocent of malice as it is
of compassion.
 -- Llewelyn Powys
 -- The Pathetic Fallacy
%%
The more wit the less courage.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
The more you act like a lady, the more he'll act like a gentleman.
 -- Sydney Biddle Barrows
%%
The more you cultivate people the more you turn up clods.
%%
The more you drive, the less intelligent you are.
 -- Repo Man
%%
 The more you hate a song, the harder it will be to get that song out
of your head.
%%
The more you have, the more you have that needs fixing.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
The more you judge, the less you love.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
The more you know, the better you realize how little you know.
%%
The more you know the less the better.
 -- Billy Connolly
%%
The more you know, the less you need to show.
%%
The more you know, the less you think you know.
%%
The more you know.... The luckier you get.
%%
The more you know, the more confusing everything becomes.
%%
The more you know, the more you know you don't know.
%%
The more you know...  well, the more you know!
%%
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to
 admit that each party is worse than the other.  The one that's out always
 looks the best.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
The more you run over a skunk, the stupider you are...
%%
The more you run over road kill, the flatter it gets.
%%
The more you say, the less people remember.  The fewer the words, the
greater the profit.
 -- Fenelon
%%
The more you speak of yourself, the more you are likely to lie.
 -- Zimmerman
%%
The more you study for an exam, the less sure you are which answer they want.
 -- Basic Law of Exams
%%
The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
 -- George Hyman Rickover
%%
The more you understand yourself, the better you appreciate others.
%%
The morning djs on KROQ 106.7 in Los Angeles have written
a country tune which they call "I Hate Every Bone in Your
Body Except Mine."
%%
The morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxviii, 7
%%
The morning sun may kiss the grass,
The clock may kiss the hours that pass,
The flowing wine may kiss the glass,
And you, my friends --- drink hearty!
%%
The Morning Zoo: 1983-1991 R.I.P. And GOOD RIDDANCE!
%%
The morn, look you, furthers a man on his road, and furthers him too
in his work.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 579
%%
The morn was fair, the skies were clear,
No breath came o'er the sea.
 -- Charles Jefferys (1807-1865)
 -- The Rose of Allandale
%%
The mortgage market changes virtually from day to day, so you can wait a
 few weeks and, if you haven't committed suicide in the meantime, try again,
 even with the same lenders.
 -- William G. Connolly
%%
The Moscow McDonald's has lines two and a half hours long. That's fast food
 in Russia. But everyone loves McDonald's there. A man came out of
 McDonald's, he took the wrapper off his hamburger and he said, "They not
 only give you food--but free toilet paper with it!"
 -- Yakov Smirnoff
%%
The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.
%%
The mosquito is nature's example of the male/female difference ...
The male lives off plants.
The female lives off the blood of others.
Now shall we talk about the Black Widow Spider?
%%
The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk.
%%
The mossy marbles rest
On the lips that he has prest
    In their bloom;
And the names he loved to hear
Have been carved for many a year
    On the tomb.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Last Leaf
%%
The most advantageous, pre-eminent thing thou canst do is not to
exhibit nor display thyself within the limits of our galaxy, but
rather depart instantaneously whence thou even now standest and
flee to yet another rotten planet in the universe, if thou canst
have the good fortune to find one.
 -- Carlyle
%%
The most affectionate creature is the wet dog.
%%
The most agreeable of all companions is a simple, frank man, without any
high pretensions to an oppressive greatness; one who loves life, and
understands the use of it; obliging, alike at all hours; above all, of
a golden temper, and steadfast as an anchor. For such a one we gladly
change the great genius, the most brilliant wit, the profoundest thinker.
 -- Lessing
%%
The most alarming of all man's assaults upon the environment is the
contamination of air, earth, rivers, and sea. This pollution is
for the most part irrecoverable.
 -- Rachel Carson
%%
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.  It is
the source of all true art and all science.  He to whom this emotion is
a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead:  his eyes are closed.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The most certain sign of being born with great qualities is to be born
without envy.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
The most certain test by which we judge whether a country is really
free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities.
 -- John E.E. Dalberg, Lord Acton (1834-1902),
 -- "The History of Freedom in Antiquity"
%%
The most common commodity in this country is unrealized potential.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
The most common first name for a president is James or some variation
of it (in order: James Madison, James Monroe, James Polk, James Buchanan,
James Garfield, Jimmy Carter)
%%
The most common form of illegal gambling is crossing the street in the
 middle of the block.
%%
The most common form of terrorism in the U.S.A. is that carried on by
bulldozers and chain saws.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside
 you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
The most convincing evidence we have for tolerance is something called the
 Golden Wedding Anniversary.
%%
The most cooperative man in this world is a dead man.
 -- Bela Oxmyx, "A Piece of the Action," stardate unknown.
%%
The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately
in the palpably not true.  It is the chief occupation of mankind.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
The most damaging phrase in the language is: `It's always been done that way.'
 -- Rear Admiral Grace Hopper
%%
The most dangerous part of a car is the driver at the steering wheel.
%%
The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with
    a map and a compass.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #24
%%
The most dangerous thing in the world is to leap a chasm in two jumps.
 -- David Lloyd George
%%
 The most delicate component will be dropped.
 -- Rosenfield's Regret
%%
The most delicate component will be the one to fall.
 -- Selective Gravity,  Klipstein's Corollary
%%
The most destructive criticism is indifference.
%%
The most difficult light bulb to replace burns out first and most frequently.
 -- Joe Anderson
%%
The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do
 for an encore.
%%
Themostdifficultproblemwiththe!!
%%
The most difficult thing about surviving AIDS
is trying to convince your parents that you're Haitian.
%%
The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.
 -- Thales
%%
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
 -- Theodore H. White
%%
The most distressing thing that can happen to a prophet
is to be proved wrong. The next most distressing thing is
to be proved right.
 -- Aldous Huxley, "Brave New World Revisited", 1956
%%
    The most dreadful thing of all is that many millions of
people in the poor countries are going to starve to death
before our eyes.  We shall see them doing so upon our
television sets.
 -- C.P. Snow
%%
The most effective debugging tool is still careful thought, coupled with
 judiciously placed print statements.
 -- Brian Kernighan [1978]
%%
The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst
lovely things.
 -- Plato (BC 427?-347?)
%%
The most efficient labor-saving device is still money.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
The most egotistical person we've ever heard of is the one who remarked
that he had only been wrong once in his life and that was when he
thought he was wrong but wasn't.
%%
The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
%%
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka" (I found it) but "That's funny ..."
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.
 -- Anne Morrow Lindberg
%%
The most expensive component is the one that breaks.
%%
...the most exquisitely squalid hells known to middle-class man:
freshman English at a Midwestern university.
 -- Tom Wolfe
%%
"The most foolish mistake we could possibly make would be to allow
subject races to possess arms... History shows that all conquerors
who have allowed their subject races to carry arms have prepared
their own downfall by doing so."
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), Restricting Hand-guns: The
 -- Liberal Skeptics Speak Out, Don Kates, ed.,
 -- North River Press, 1978
%%
The most formidable weapon against errors of every kind is reason.
 -- Thomas Paine, "Age of Reason"
%%
The most glorious exploits do not always furnish us with the clearest
discoveries of virtue or vice in men.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Alexander
%%
The most gratifying feature about death
is that you won't have to get up in the morning.
%%
The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf
man to a blind woman.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
The most harmful error of any program will not be discovered until the
program has been in production for at least six months.
 -- Troutman's Programming Postulate #2
%%
The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
 -- Preem Palver, First Speaker
%%
The most important early product on the way
to developing a good product is an imperfect version.
%%
The most important invention in the history of the human race is the written
contract. It makes it possible for individual parties to list all the different
ways they distrust each other.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The most important leg of a three legged stool
is the one that's missing.
 -- Lyall's Fundamental Observation
 ... in the direction of maximum harm.
 -- Lyall's Addendum
%%
The most important office ... that of a private citizen.
 -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941)
%%
The most important question in the study of government is 'how can we prevent
 government from going berserk and killing off half the population?'
 -- John Kormylo
%%
The most important questions in life can never be answered by anyone except
oneself.
 -- John Fowles, The Magus
%%
The most important question when any new computer architecture
           is introduced is `So what?'
 -- someone in comp.arch
%%
The most important reason for the drug laws in this country is
to encourage a healthy distrust for the law.
%%
The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating
 people to approach printed matter with distrust.
%%
The most important thing about Spaceship Earth -
an instruction book didn't come with it.
 -- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983),
 -- quoted in "Contemporary Architects", 1980
%%
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love
their mother.
 -- Reverend Theodore Hesburgh
%%
The most important thing a woman can have--next to talent, of course--is
 her hairdresser.
 -- Joan Crawford
%%
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've
 got it made.
 -- George Burns
%%
The most important thing in a man is not what he knows, but what he is.
 -- Narciso Yepes
%%
The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to
leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully
swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
The most important thing in communication is hearing
what isn't said.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
The most important thing in life is to love someone. The second most
important thing in life is to have someone love you. The third most
important thing is to have the first two happen at the same time.
 -- Howie Schneider
%%
The most important thing in the programming language is the name.  A language
 will not succeed without a good name.  I have recently invented a very good
 name and now I am looking for a suitable language.
 -- D. E. Knuth, 1967
%%
The most important things, each person must do for himself.
%%
The most important things in life aren't things.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
The most important things to do in this world are to get something
to eat, somthing to drink and somebody to love you.
 -- Brendan Behan, in "Weekend", 1968
%%
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is
comprehensible.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955), "Life", 1950
%%
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all
they know and then stop.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The most interesting paper will be scheduled simultaneously
with the second most interesting paper.
 -- Morris' Law of Conferences
%%
The most interesting results happen only once.
 -- Tenenbaum's Law of Replicability
%%
The most interesting specimen will not be labelled.
 -- Jones' Law of Zoos and Museums
%%
The most interesting time of human life, I think, is when your heart
stops, and for between two and 15 minutes, your brain is still running.
I think the most interesting part of my life is going to happen in those
two to 15 minutes.  Because time doesn't exist then. When the body's
gone and you've got 120 billion neurons whirring, it's like LSD.  More
can happen in one minute than in a thousand lifetimes.
 -- Timothy Leary, LSD guru who is dying of cancer
%%
The most know the least.
%%
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree,
 is by accident.  That's where we come in; we're computer professionals.
 We cause accidents.
 -- Nathaniel Borenstein
%%
The most merciful thing in the world is the inability of the human mind to
correlate all its contents.
 -- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human
 mind to correlate all its contents.   We live on a placid island of ignorance
 in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should
 voyage far.  The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto
 harmed us little;  but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge
 will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position
 therein, that we shall either go mad from the relevation or flee from the
 deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.
 -- H.P. Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu
%%
The most obvious response when you return a call is to get the wrong
 number, a busy signal or no answer to the phone.
%%
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they
 foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little.
 -- Porterfield
%%
The most patient man in loss, the most coldest that ever turned up ace.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
The most peaceable way for you if you do take a thief, is to let him
show himself what he is and steal out of your company.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
The most perfect day to do *ANY* job is tomorrow!!
%%
The most perfect soul, says Heraclitus, is a dry light, which flies
out of the body as lightning breaks from a cloud.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Romulus
%%
The most popular kids show in France is Beauxault le Clown.
 -- Steve Connelly
%%
The most popular labour saving device today is still
a husband with money.
 -- Joey Adams
%%
The Most Popular People Are Cooks! The Most Overworked Also!
%%
The most powerful force in the world is
that of a disc straining to land under a car, just beyond reach. This force is
technically called "car suck".
 -- The First Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
The most powerful hex words in the
sport are--"I really have this down--watch."  (Know it?  Blow it!)
 -- The Seventh Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
The most rabid literary purist
%%
The most reasonable word ever said about celibacy and marriage
is this one: whatever you will do, you will regret it.
 -- Chamfort
%%
The most recent news is that zucchini growers have been able to produce
 more zucchini than makers of recipes have been able to make recipes.
%%
The most recent pool shows that 74% of the voters think that 86% of the
 polls are inaccurate 59% of the time - plus or minus three percentage
 points.
%%
The most reliable lie detector is a suspicious wife.
%%
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she
  served the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never
  been found.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
The most senseless and fit man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
The most striking thing about the rich is the gracious democracy of their
manners--and the crude vulgarity of their way of life.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The most successful businessman is the man who holds onto the old
just as long as it is good, and grabs the new just as soon as it is
better.
 -- Robert P. Vanderpoel
%%
The most successful direction in which you can throw dice is away.
%%
The most successful politician is he who says what everybody
is thinking most often and in the loudest voice.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.
 -- Mother Teresa
%%
The most trifling actions that affect a man's credit are to be regarded.
The sound of your hammer at five in the morning, or at nine at night,
heard by a creditor, makes him easy six months longer; but if he
sees you at a Billiard table, or hears your voice at a Tavern, when
you should be at work, he sends for his money the next day.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is
fifth grade arithmetic.
 -- Augustine's Law Number VIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The most useful tool for dealing with management types is, of course, an
automatic weapon.
%%
The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do.
 -- Sutin's Second Law
%%
The most utterly lost of all days, is that in which you have not once laughed.
 -- Chamfort
%%
The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when
one will do.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The most valuable quotation will be the one for which you
cannot determine the source.
 -- Duggan's Law of Scholarly Research
The source for an unattributed quotation will appear in the
most hostile review of your work.
 -- Corollary
%%
The most vicious rumor which will do the most harm reaches fastest that
 place which will be the last to receive the truth.
%%
The most violent sport of all has to be hunting--if you consider it a
 sport. After all, a hunter sneaks up on his prey. That's not very sporting.
 Between rounds a boxer doesn't tiptoe around the apron of the ring and
 smack his opponent in the back of the head! Hunters are cowards--if they
 weren't, they'd hunt each other. Now, that would be a sport: "Look at the
 big fat one I got over by the tavern. He was wearing an orange hat, I
 couldn't miss him ..."
 -- Jeff Stilson
%%
The most vital dimension on any drawing will probably be left off.
 -- The RPCISPE's Fifth Universal Law
%%
The most vital dimension on any plan or drawing stands the greatest
chance of being omitted.
%%
The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
%%
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
 -- E. E. Cummings
%%
The most welcome person is the one who knows when to go.
%%
The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery
of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing
depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase.  This inner progressiveness
of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot
be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it.  It
is a sort of Divine accident.
 -- Sir Hugh Walpoe
%%
The mother of all living.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis iii, 20
%%
The mother of idiots is always pregnant.
%%
The "Mothers Don't Kill" defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 06
%%
The motto ("In God We Trust") stated a lie. If this nation ever trusted
in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century its entire
trust has been in the Republican Party and the dollar - mainly the
dollar.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Eruption (published 1949)
%%
The mountain looks closer than it is.
 -- Frothingham's Corollary
%%
The mountain nymph, sweet Liberty.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 36
%%
The mountain remains unmoved at seeming defeat by the mist.
 -- Rabindranath Tagore
%%
The mountain rests upon the earth:
The image of Splitting Apart.
Thus those above can insure their position
Only by giving generously to those below.
%%
The mountains are calling me and I must go...
 -- John Muir
%%
The mountains are fountains of men as well as of rivers, of glaciers, of
fertile soil. The great poets, philosophers, prophets, able men whose
thoughts and deeds have moved the world, have come down from the mountains
- mountain dwellers who have grown strong there with the forest trees in
Nature's workshops.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
The mountains look on Marathon,
  And Marathon looks on the sea;
And musing there an hour alone,
  I dreamed that Greece might still be free.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 86, 3
%%
The mountains, too, at a distance appear airy masses and smooth, but
seen near at hand, they are rough.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pyrrho, ix
%%
The mountains will be in labour; an absurd mouse will be born.
 -- Horace (65-8 BC)
 -- Ars Poetica, 139
%%
The mouse that always trusts to one poor hole
Can never be a mouse of any soul.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Wife of Bath, Her Prologue, Line 298
%%
The mouse that hath but one hole is quickly taken.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
The movement of heaven is full of power.
Thus the superior man makes himself strong and untiring.
%%
The Movie Hero's Ten Commandments:

 1. A man stands alone.
 2. A man stands by his friends.
 3. A man protects his family.
 4. A man loves doing his work well.
 5. A man is at home out of doors.
 6. A man shares and plays fair.
 7. A man speaks his mind.
 8. A man hoards his smiles.
 9. A man follows his dreams.
 10. What he's got is what he is.
 -- Richard Corliss
%%
The movie St. Elmo's Fire was made to prove to us that each and every
one of us can feel the urge to strangle people.
%%
The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on...
%%
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
%%
The Moving Finger writes; and having writ,
Moves on; nor all your Piety nor Wit
  Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.
 -- Omar Khayyam (died c.1133)
 -- Rubaiyat, Stanza lxxi
%%
The moving finger writhes and, having writhed, moves on.
%%
Them that asks no questions isn't told a lie.
 -- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
%%
Them that has, gets.
 -- Iron Law of Distribution
%%
Them that has the taglines make the rules.
%%
The mud is alive!
 -- Bing Crosby
%%
The multitude is always in the wrong.
 -- Earl of Roscommon (1633-1684)
 -- Essay on Translated Verse, Line 184
%%
The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
The muse of humor has once again looked down upon me, and found me worthy to
carry out the deeds of her noble cause.
 -- Michael S. Rosenberg
%%
The museum boasted owning the original version of Beethoven's unfinished
basement.
 -- Steve Connelly
%%
The music is your only friend until the end.
 -- Morrison
%%
The Music Of Sammy Davis Jr.: Candy Mann
%%
The music's kinda nice. My compliments to the chef.
%%
The music teacher came twice each week to bridge the awful gap between
 Dorothy and Chopin.
 -- George Ade
%%
The mutant alien skull man has a smile for all smiles, an
answer for all answers.
%%
Them what has, gets.
 -- Dexter B. Wakefield
%%
THE MX IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY.  One important reason we have a Defense
Department is that when we give it money, it spends it, which creates
jobs, whereas if we left the money in the hands of civilians, we don't
know what they'd do with it.  Probably put it in open trenches and set
it on fire.  The MX will create an especially large number of jobs
because of the number of warheads it carries.  It carries a total of 10
warheads.  This creates a great deal of employment, because you have
your Warhead Makers, your Warhead Lifters, your Persons Who Tap the
Warheads Gently with Rubber Mallets to Wedge Them All Snugly Into the
Nose Cone, your Persons Who Just Walk Around Playing Soothing Cassettes
by Recording Artists such as Perry Como So We Don't Have Any More
Episodes Where a Worker Who is Experiencing Some Strain Sticks a
Warhead in the Employee Cafeteria Microwave and Sets It On Roast, etc.
We are talking about a lot of jobs.
 -- Dave Barry, At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against Political Fallout
%%
The "My Child, My Right to Abuse It" defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 09
%%
..  the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"The mystery does not get clearer by repeating the question"
"nor is it bought by going to amazing places"
 -- Rumi
%%
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
...the myth of socialism is far stronger than the reality of capitalism.
That is because capitalism is not really an ism at all.  It is what people
do if you leave them alone.
 -- Arnold Beichmen, Hoover Institute Fellow
%%
The myth of the story is actually a long network of cause
 and effect that begins long before the story and continues
 long afterward
 -- Orson Scott Card, How to write Science Fiction & Fantasy
%%
. . . . the NAACP should have riot rehersal. They should get a liquor
store and practice robberies.
 -- Rush Limbaugh
%%
Then again, there are those of us who actually find it funny!
%%
The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun
 shines by day because, being a woman, it
 is afraid to venture out at night.
%%
The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
The Naked Gun 2 1/2:  From the brother...of the director...of Ghost.
%%
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
%%
Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.
%%
Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.

He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan,
then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open
market.

If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarries then he should
not accept of the Earth that which he refuses to give of himself.

Such a man would expect a pear of a peach tree.
Such a man would expect a stone to lay an egg.
Such a man would expect Sears to assemble a lawnmower.
 -- Kehlog Albran, The Profit
%%
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
%%
The name is Bond -- James Bond.
%%
The name is Borg, James Borg. Vodka martini, dry.  Gin is irrelevant.
%%
The Name "Mustang" on an LX is a sign of Fords stupidity!
%%
The name of the slough was Despond.
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 -- Pilgrim's Progress, Part i
%%
   ... The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!
   Oh, that's the name of the song, is it? Alice said, trying to
feel interested.
   No, you don't understand, the Knight said, looking a little
vexed.  That's what the name is called. The name really is, 'The Aged
Aged Man.'
   Then I ought to have said That's what the song is called'?
Alice corrected herself.
   No, you oughtn't:   that's quite another thing!  The song is
called 'Ways and Means':  but that's only what it is called you know!
   Well, what is the song then? said Alice, who was by this time
completely bewildered.
   I was coming to that, the Knight said. The song really is
A-sitting on a Gate: and the tune's my own invention.
 -- Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
%%
The Names Project.....
%%
Then a mournful smile; always pale and hungry.
 -- Lew Romney
%%
The Nancy Sinatra virus
  Performs a random walk all over the hard disk's boot sector
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
...Then anyone who leaves behind him a written manual, and likewise
anyone who receives it, in the belief that such writing will be clear
and certain, must be exceedingly simple-minded...
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "Phaedrus"
%%
The narrower the mind the broader the statement.
 -- Ted Cook
%%
The narrower the mind, the broader the tongue.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Then at 12 o'clock we (viz., General Marshall and I) went to the
White House, where we were until nearly half past one.  At the meeting
were Hull, Knox, Marshall, Stark, and myself.  There the President
... brought up entirely the relations with the Japanese.  He brought
up the event that we were likely to be attacked perhaps (as soon as)
next Monday, for the Japanese are notorious for making an attack without
warning, and the question was what we would do.  The question was
how we should maneuver them into the position of firing the first
shot without allowing too much danger to ourselves.  It was a difficult
proposition.
 -- Henry L. Stinson, Secretary of War under Roosevelt,
 -- Diary Entry for November 25, 1941
%%
The National Academy of Sciences says that this level [40 MPG]
is not even technically achievable.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle arguing against suggestions
                   to raise fuel efficiency standards for American automobiles.
                   But Richard A. Meserve, who served as the chairman of
                   the academy's study on fuel efficiency, said that Mr.
                   Quayle had misunderstood a report by the academy that had
                   discussed whether cars that efficient would be attractive
                   to American buyers.  (New York Times, 8/29/92)
%%
The national budget must be balanced.  The public debt must be reduced;
the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled.
Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't
want to go bankrupt.  People must again learn to work, instead of living
on public assistance.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.), 55 BC
%%
The National Bummer.
 -- Government Euphemism for Recession
%%
The National Council on Psychic Research have officially designated this to
 be true. If you are passing through New York City and you must even change
 planes here, that counts; that experience of changing planes in New York
 City now officially counts as a near-death experience.
 -- David Letterman
%%
The nationalist not only does not disapprove of atrocities committed by
his own side, but he has a remarkable capacity for not even hearing
about them.
 -- George Orwell
%%
The National Science Foundation: Grant Money
%%
The nation had the lion's heart.  I had the luck to give the roar.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
The nation looked upon him as a deserter, and he shrunk into insignificancy
and an earldom.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Character of Pulteney
%%
The nations are as a drop of a bucket.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xl, 15
%%
The nation that controls magnetism controls the universe.
 -- Chester Gould/Dick Tracy
%%
The nation that is richest in proverbs (Spain) is the one
that has proved itself the least wise in action.
 -- Joseph Jacobs
%%
The nation that once held the creed that greatness is achieved by
production is now told that it is achieved by squalor ...  You
can't have your cake and let your neighbor eat it, too.
 -- Francisco d'Anconia
%%
...the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of
 thought...
 -- Hamlet
%%
The native talent of a child to endure and survive stems from the sheer
 lack of awareness of any viable alternatives.
%%
The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government
to gain ground.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The natural result of profound thought is simplicity of character.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
The natural role of twentieth-century man is anxiety.
 -- Norman Mailer
%%
The nature of the communication is the attached response!
%%
The nature of the universe is the nature of things that are. Now,
things that are have kinship with things that are from the beginning.
Further, this nature is styled Truth; and it is the first cause of
all that is true.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 1
%%
The Nazis have no sense of humor, so why should they want television?
 -- Philip K. Dick
%%
The NBA's best announcers double as a warm hearty meal.
%%
Then bless thy secret growth, nor catch
At noise, but thrive unseen and dumb;
Keep clean, be as fruit, earn life, and watch
Till the white-wing'd reapers come!
 -- Henry Vaughan (1621-1695)
 -- The Seed growing secretly
%%
Then came the churches,
 then came the schools,
 then came the lawyers,
 then came the rules.
 -- Mark Knopfler
%%
   Then came the Middle Ages.  King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur
lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the
Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the
victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.  Finally, the Magna Carta
provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

    In midevil times most of the people were alliterate.  The greatest writer
of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote
literature.  Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an
apple while standing on his son's head.
 -- Richard Lederer, "Student Bloopers"
%%
Thence to the famous orators repair,
Those ancient, whose resistless eloquence
Wielded at will that fierce democratie,
Shook the arsenal, and fulmin'd over Greece,
To Macedon, and Artaxerxes' throne.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 267
%%
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Then condemn what they do not understand.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Then Doctor, this will be your one chance to get away from it all ..
%%
Then do the pelvic thrust.
%%
The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat.
%%
THE NEBRASKA STATE MOTTO: `I dunno. What do you wanna do?'
 -- Sharon O'Neil
%%
The need lessens considerably if everyone else in the doctor's office has
 already had their flu shot.
%%
The neer to the church, the further from God.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
The Negative orgasm: "Oh no, Ohh nooo, OH NOOO !"
%%
The neighbor in the east who slaughters an ox
Does not attain as much real happiness
As the neighbor in the west
With his small offering.
%%
The net of law is spread so wide,
No sinner from its sweep may hide.
Its meshes are so fine and strong,
They take in every child of wrong.
O wondrous web of mystery!
Big fish alone escape from thee!
 -- James Jeffrey Roche
%%
The net result is a system that is not only binary compatible with 4.3 BSD,
 but is even bug for bug compatible in almost all features.
 -- Avadit Tevanian, Jr., Architecture-Independent Virtual Memory Management
      for Parallel and Distributed Environments:  The Mach Approach
%%
The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number
of hours you have been on the trail.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
... The neutron bomb is a nuclear device that kills people without destroying
buildings.  Many people feel this is inhumane; they much prefer the old-
fashioned humane-type nuclear devices that kill people *and* destroy
buildings.

Western Europe's reaction to the neutron bomb has been mixed: most buildings
are for it, and most people are against it, on the grounds that it might
kill them.  They're always wallowing in sentiment, those Western Europeans.
 -- Dave Barry, _Bad Habits_
%%
The never-ending flight
Of future days.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 221
%%
The new 1st couple: Hill and Billy, from Arkansas.
%%
The New Age is just like the old age--only newer.
%%
The New Age orgy: The flesh was willing but the spirits weak.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The new american way: dodge draft, smoke dope, cheat on wife.
%%
The new baby is like royalty, he's the prince of wails.
%%
The new birth-control implants have some side effects: bloating, pimples,
 and mood swings ... Well, that'll certainly keep me from getting pregnant.
 -- S. Kelley
%%
The New Chrysler Presidential Car: The Dodge Drafter.
%%
The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around.
 I hope I don't get run over again.
%%
The new Doctor Who will be played by Warren Kreick.
%%
The new electronic independence recreates the world in the image
of a global village.
%%
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree
 that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
The new ensign was standing his first night watch on the bridge of a
destroyer.  Far out on the horizon the USS New Jersey was conducting a
night gunnery exercise.  The ensign, seeing the flashes of light from
the battleship, ran excitedly up to the signal bridge and pointed out
the "Morse code" coming from the other ship.
Ensign: "What are they saying?  What are they saying?"
Signalman: "Boom.  Boom."
%%
The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the
    Congressional Medal Of Honor.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #52
%%
The new, inexperienced new kid on the block.
%%
The newlyweds were married five days. He turns to her and says, "Honey,
 we're gonna make love a new way tonight. We're gonna lie back to back." She
 says, "How can that be any fun?" He says, "I've invited another couple."
 -- Woody Woodbury
%%
The new non-violent Star Trek- "Set phasers on tickle!"
%%
THE NEW RIGHT:
A javelin team that elects to receive.
%%
The news is out, Jim Bakker did NOT receive a Christmas greeting card from
 Jimmy Swaggart this last Christmas!
%%
The news is the one thing the networks can point to with pride.
Everything else they do is crap - and they know it.
 -- Fred Friendly, 1980
%%
THe news of the day, no matter how trivial or unimportant, always
takes up more time than a married man has.
 -- Ray O'Neil
%%
The newspapers! Sir, they are the most villanous, licentious, abominable,
infernal-- Not that I ever read them! No, I make it a rule never to
look into a newspaper.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory,
in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.

   But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for
 whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
 -- Matthew 5:37
%%
THE NEW WORLD ORDER - The last step for Mankind!
%%
The New York Penal Code states that anyone who arrests a
dead man for debt is guilty of a misdemeanor.
%%
The New York State Vehicle and Traffic Laws state that
"Two vehicles which are passing each other in opposite
directions shall have the right of way."
%%
The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able to quote
another's wit.
 -- Bovee
%%
The next best thing to doing something smart is not doing something stupid.
 -- Flo Capp's Observation
%%
The next best thing to knowing something is knowing where to find it.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The next class is always three buildings away on a rainy day.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
The next day is never so good as the day before.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 815
%%
The next generation of computers will have a "Warranty Expired" interrupt.
%%
The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie.   Life
 is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured some whiskey
 onto my granola and faced a new day.
 -- Peter Applebome
%%
The next person to mention
spaghetti stacks to me is going to have his head knocked off.
 -- Bill Conrad
%%
The next person to pass us will die within a fortnight.
%%
The next sentence is true. The last sentence was false.
%%
The next six days are dangerous.
%%
The Next Skull On The Necklace Is Mine
%%
The next system crash is just a 1/60 of a second away.
%%
The next tagline is recommended for mature readers only.
%%
The next thing they'll legislate will be reading helmets !
%%
The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large
 blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat.  And if someone
 asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and
 pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've
 hidden it.  Good magic trick, huh?
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
The next time you go to a really swank restaurant where the prices are high
 and you feel inferior, try checking the gum underneath the tables. You'll
 find out that them what has been there before chews the same awful stuff
 you chew. DO NOT take any of this home!
%%
The next way home 's the farthest way about.
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
 -- Emblems, Book iv, Emblem 2, Ep. 2
%%
Then farewell Horace, whom I hated so,--
Not for thy faults, but mine.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 77
%%
Then fly betimes, for only they
Conquer Love that run away.
 -- Thomas Carew (1589-1639)
 -- Conquest of Flight
%%
Then gently scan your brother man,
  Still gentler sister woman;
Though they may gang a kennin' wrang,
  To step aside is human.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Address to the Unco Guid
%%
Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible
eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace.
"'Bye for now," she said warmly.
 -- Thea Alexander (2150 A.D.)
%%
Then God didst say "Noah, build ye an ARJ."
%%
Then happy low, lie down! Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
"Then here goes another," says he, "to make sure,
For there 's luck in odd numbers,"
 -- Samuel Lover (1797-1868)
 -- Rory O'More
%%
Then here's to the City of Boston
the town of the cries and the groans.
Where the Cabots can't see the Kabotschniks,
And the Lowells won't speak to the Cohns.
 -- Franklin Pierce Adams (F. P. A.) (1881-1960)
%%
Then here 's to the oak, the brave old oak,
  Who stands in his pride alone!
And still flourish he a hale green tree
  When a hundred years are gone!
 -- H. F. Chorley (1831-1872)
 -- The Brave Old Oak
%%
Then he will talk--good gods! how he will talk!
 -- Nathaniel Lee (1655-1692)
 -- Alexander the Great, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Then I began to think that it is very true which is commonly said,
that the one half of the world knoweth not how the other half liveth.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book ii, Chap. xxxii
%%
The nicer I am the more they think I'm lying.
%%
The nicest sound a cat makes: Vroommm bump bump vrooomm.
%%
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people
they think it's their fault.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
The nice thing about dying is that once you've gotten it over with, you can
stop being afraid of it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
 -- Lucille S. Harper
%%
The nice thing about self-love is that it's hardly ever unrequited.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose
from.   Furthermore, if you do not like any of them, you can just wait
for next year's model.
 -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum, Computer Networks
%%
The nickel cigar is a thing of the past. It won't return again. It can't!
 The Environmental Protection Agency won't let it...
%%
The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
 instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
 -- Fourth Law of Applied Terror
 Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do
 except study for that instructor's course.
 -- Corollary
%%
The night cometh when no man can work.
 -- New Testament
 -- John ix, 4
%%
The night has a thousand eyes,
  And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
  With the dying sun.
The mind has a thousand eyes,
  And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
  When love is done.
 -- Francis W. Bourdillon (1852-1921)
 -- Light
%%
The night I filled an inside straight: Even a blind hog's gonna root up an
acorn once in a while.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The night is long that never finds the day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
The night is wild, but I'm in control.
 You gotta brush your teeth with rock and roll!
 -- J. Geils
%%
Then I'll probably drop her, and get two hundred concubines to share
  my bed.
Won't they be rather prickly?
...Concubines, Baldrick, not porcupines.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Amy and Amiability
%%
   The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts.
The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.  Cyrus
McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy.  Louis Pastuer discovered a cure
for rabbis.  Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the "Organ of the
Species".  Madman Curie discovered radium.  And Karl Marx became one of the
Marx Brothers.  The First World War, cause by the assignation of the
Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
 -- Richard Lederer, "Student Bloopers"
%%
The Ninth Commandment for C programmers:
Thy external identifiers shall be unique in the first six characters, though
this harsh discipline be irksome and the years of its necessity stretch before
thee seemingly without end, lest thou tear thy hair out and go mad on that
fateful day when thou desirest to make thy program run on an old system.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The Niobe of nations! there she stands.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 79
%%
"Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord,
 `Thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory.
 Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.'"
 -- Woody Allen
%%
Then join in hand, brave Americans all!
By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall.
 -- John Dickinson (1732-1808)
 -- The Liberty Song (1768)
%%
The NJ state gemstone is concrete.
%%
Then let thy love be younger than thyself,
Or thy affection cannot hold the bent.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Then Logic would take you by the throat, and force you to do it.
 -- Achilles in Lewis Carroll's "What the Tortoise Said to Achilles"
%%
Then marble soften'd into life grew warm,
And yielding, soft metal flow'd to human form.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 147
%%
...then must you speak of one that loved not wisely, but too well.
 -- Othello
%%
Then never less alone than when alone.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Human Life
%%
Then Nicholl, using his own calculations, demonstrated that it was
absolutely impossible to give any object at all the velocity of
12,000 yards per second.  And, algebra in hand, he maintained that
even if such a velocity could be attained, such a heavy projectile
could never be lifted beyond the limits of the Earth's atmosphere!
It would never reach even an altitude of twenty miles. And
furthermore!  Even if such a speed could be attained, even if it
would suffice, the shell could not withstand the pressure of the
gases produced by igniting 1,600,000 pounds of powder. And even if
it could resist the pressure, it could not withstand the
temperature, it would melt as it left the Columbiad, and a red-hot
rain would fall on the heads of the foolish spectators.

Barbicane did not even wince at these attacks; he simply got on
with his work.
 -- Jules Verne, From the Earth to the Moon (1865)
%%
The noble army of martyrs.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Morning Prayer
%%
The noble lord
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, April, 1844
%%
The nobleman of the garden.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- The Pineapple
%%
The nobler a man, the harder it is for him to suspect inferiority in others.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero
%%
The noblest fate that a man can endure is to place his own mortal body
between his loved home and the war's desolation.
 -- Lt Col Jean V. Dubois
%%
The noblest mind the best contentment has.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book i, Canto i, St. 35
%%
The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog;
it feeds the hand that bites it.
 -- Robert W. Chambers
%%
The noblest spirit is most strongly attracted to the love of glory.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
The nodding horror of whose shady brows
Threats the forlorn and wandering passenger.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 38
%%
The noise from good toast should reverberate in the head like the thunder
 of July.
 -- E. V. Lucas
%%
The noise of many waters.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xciii, 4
%%
The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things.
%%
Then one night I saw the light and now there is nothing more to see.
%%
The Normal City Council Meeting: A man stands up and says nothing, but it
 takes a long time. Nobody listens to what he says and no one pays any
 attention to him. When he sits down, everyone disagrees with what he said.
 At the height of the confusion, a vote is taken and an ordinance is passed.
%%
The Norsemen never wrote home, and when Odin found out, they were Runed.
%%
The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on its back!
%%
The Norwegian Blue stuns easily.
%%
The notes I handle no better than many pianists, But the pauses between the
notes - ah, that is where the art resides!
 -- Arthur Schnabel
%%
The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column
card.
 -- Dennis M. Ritchie
%%
The notion of ideas as infectious diseases is one to which most
authoritarian religions and governments subscribe, and they hold
massive "hygienic" burnings of the "viral DNA" behind the ideas.
Promulgators of these "diseased" ideas are called "carriers of
spiritual impurity" (to use one phrase now popular in China) and
attempts are made to prevent the spread of these diseases.  This is a
naive and dangerous view of how ideas work and it is disturbing to see
it rationalized into Western pop psychology.
 -- Tim Maroney (tim@toad.com)
%%
The notion of the Trinity of Gods has enfeebled the belief in one
God. A multiplication of beliefs acts as a division of belief; and
in proportion as anything is divided it is weakened.
%%
"[T]he notion that fraternities are simply
 neutral gathering places for would-be rapists
 is hardly a reasonable defense for their
 existence."
 -- Steve Hendricks, in talk.rape
%%
The notion that science does not concern itself with first causes- that it
leaves the field to theology or metaphysics, and confines itself to mere
effects- this notion has no support in the plain facts. If it could,
science would explain the origin of life on earth at once-and there is
every reason to believe that it will do so on some not too remote tomorrow.
To argue that gaps in knowledge which will confront the seeker must be filled,
not by patient inquiry, but by intuition or revelation, is simply to give
ignorance a gratuitous and preposterous dignity.
 -- H. L. Mencken, 1930
%%
The notion that the church, the press, and the universities should
serve the state is essentially a Communist notion ... In a free society
these institutions must be wholly free -- which is to say that their
function is to serve as checks upon the state.
 -- Alan Barth
%%
The nourishment is palatable.
 -- Millard Fillmore
%%
Then purg'd with euphrasy and rue
The visual nerve, for he had much to see.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 414
%%
Then Q met Lorena - after which he was known as O.
%%
Then quite suddenly, I realised life was hilarious!
%%
The NRA advises children not to stop on their way home from school, except
 to reload.
%%
The NRA is attempting to lift the ban on machine-gun sales. Well, as an
 avid hunting enthusiast, I've been hoping to buy a fully automatic Uzi in
 time for duck-hunting season! One thing about a machine gun, it really
 takes the guesswork out of duck hunting.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
Then rushed to meet the insulting foe;
They took the spear, but left the shield.
 -- Philip Freneau (1752-1832)
 -- To the Memory of the Americans who fell at Eutaw
%%
Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,--
Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was; and the spirit
shall return unto God who gave it.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xii, 7
%%
Then shalt thou count to three.  No more, no less.
%%
Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream....
%%
Then soon with the emblem of truth overflowing,
And dripping with coolness, it rose from the well.
 -- Samuel Woodworth (1785-1842)
 -- The Old Oaken Bucket
%%
Then the first thing will be to establish a censorship of the writers of
fiction, and let the censors receive any tale of fiction which is good,
and reject the bad; and we will desire mothers and nurses to tell their
children the authorized ones only.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic"
%%
    Then the Lord himself spoke and said: "If you can grasp
what is meant by this, you will be delivered from the fear of
Endings.  So do not cease from searching.  Yet, remember this;
when you find that for which you are looking, you will at
first be struck with horror and amazement.  But after the
horror will come understanding; and in the end you will find
yourself to be set apart, and honoured above them all."
 -- The Gospel of St. Thomas (Apocryphal)
%%
Then the omnipotent Father with his thunder made Olympus tremble,
and from Ossa hurled Pelion.
 -- Ovid (43 BC)
 -- Metamorphoses, i
%%
Then there is the man who found the donkey with the IQ of 141. The poor
 donkey has no friends, since no one likes a smart ass.
%%
Then there is this character who is very religious, so much so, in fact,
 that he wears stained glass bifocals.
%%
Then there is this item about Jim Kloker, a farmer near Arenzville,
 Illinois. He had a concrete deer permanently placed in his front yard. A
 real deer came into his yard, mounted the concrete deer and made love to
 it. This is undoubtedly a case of statutory rape!
%%
Then there's my fat, obnoxious cousin, Roweena. When she walks through the
 living room, the radio skips. She says she just retains water, and I say,
 "So does the Hoover Dam."
 -- Jeff Foxworthy
%%
Then there was the angry man who flung himself from the room,
flung himself from the house, flung himself upon his horse, and
rode madly off in all directions.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
Then there was the Millet guy who was so dumb that he couldn't tell you
which way an elevator was going if you gave him three guesses.
%%
Then there was the workaholic who was arrested for resisting a rest...
%%
Then they have to come out, and cut you off with a blowtorch.
(on the hazards of licking a cold flag pole)
%%
Then to side with Truth is noble when we share her wretched crust,
Ere her cause bring fame and profit, and 't is prosperous to be just;
Then it is the brave man chooses, while the coward stands aside,
Doubting in his abject spirit, till his Lord is crucified.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Present Crisis
%%
Then to the spicy nut-brown ale.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 100
%%
The nuclear bomb took all the fun out of war.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The number any answer may be multiplied to make it correct.
 -- Tillman's Constant
%%
The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of
a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting dish.
 -- John Calkins
%%
The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are
correct.
 -- Ralph Hartley
%%
The number of computer scientists in a room is
inversely proportional to the number of bugs in their code.
%%
The number of different hypotheses erected to explain a given biological
phenomenon is inversely proportional to the available knowledge.
 -- Edington's Theory
%%
The number of errors in any piece of writing rises in proportion
to the writer's reliance on secondary sources.
 -- Harold Faber
%%
The number of errors make is equal to the sum of the "squares" involved.
%%
The number of honest politicians is superceded only by the number of honest
 burglars, if one consults the individuals involved.
%%
The number of irreconcilable differences cited in divorce court tend to
 substantiate the observation that opposites attract.
%%
The number of letters written to the editor is inversely proportional
to the importance of the article.
 -- Robert L. Marcus
%%
The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine
 increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.
%%
The number of minor illnesses among the employees is
inversely proportional to the health of the organisation.
 -- Johnson's Law
%%
The number of people in any working group tends to increase
regardless of the amount of work to be done.
 -- Parkinson's Fourth Law
%%
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to
the stupidity of your action.
 -- A. Kindsvater
%%
The number of people who agree or disagree with you has absolutely no
bearing on whether you're RIGHT. The universe has a way of deciding that
for itself.
%%
The number of rational hypotheses that can explain any given
phenomenon is infinite.
 -- Persig's Postulate
%%
The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the
number of hours you have been on the trail.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
The number of taxis at an airport is inversely proportional
to the number of flights arriving.
 -- The Third Law Of Air Travel
%%
The number of Unix installations has grown to 10, with more expected.
 -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June, 1972
%%
The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
%%
The number you call from has been disconnected.
%%
 The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed.  The
 new number is 226-0477.  (Yes, same number.)  Please make a note
 of it.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
The number you have reached -911- has been disconnected.
%%
The number you have reached is not in service !
%%
The numerical factor by which experimental results
must be multiplied to be in agreement with theory.
 -- Fudge Factor
%%
Then up he rose, and donn'd his clothes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
The nutritional content of most promises is nearly zero.
%%
Then Vampyra appeared and said, "I am for you, Bob."
%%
Then we have number four.  Number four: Crunchy Frog.
%%
Then we just clip this little wire here...
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
        Then welcome each rebuff
        That turns earth's smoothness rough,
Each sting that bids nor sit nor stand, but go!
        Be our joys three-parts pain!
        Strive, and hold cheap the strain;
Learn, nor account the pang; dare, never grudge the throe!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Rabbi Ben Ezra
%%
The nympholepsy of some fond despair.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 115
%%
Then you must be Don Francisco's sister!
%%
"Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.
"I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least - at least I mean what I say - that's
the same thing, you know."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter.  "Why, you might just as well say
that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"
"You might just as well say," added the March Hare, "that 'I like what I get'
is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!"
"You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, which seemed to be talking
in its sleep, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when
I breathe'!"
"It IS the same thing with you, " said the Hatter.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
The NY Times is read by the people who run the country.  The Washington Post
is read by the people who think they run the country.   The National Enquirer
is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country...
 -- Robert J Woodhead (trebor@biar.UUCP)
%%
The object is to win the game.
%%
The objective of all dedicated employees should be to thoroughly
analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their
occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve
these problems when called upon.

However, When you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to
remind yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
%%
The object of art is to give life a shape.
 -- Jean Anouilh, The Rehearsal
%%
The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves
throughout their lives.
 -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
%%
The object of this lecture is to frighten half of you away.
%%
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other
bastard die for his.
 -- General G. C. Patton (1885-1945)
%%
The obscure we see eventually, the completely obvious takes a little
 longer.
%%
The obvious answer is always overlooked.
 -- Whitehead's Law
%%
The obvious is always least understood.
 -- Clemens Wenzel Lothar Metternich-Winneburg
%%
The occipital area of my head seems to have impacted...
%%
The ocean is the ultimate solution.
%%
The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one,
 and against two bombs a million times a million to one.  Next time you
 fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.
 -- Benny Hill
%%
The odds are 6:5 that if one has late classes, one's roommate will
have the earliest possible classes.
%%
The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.
%%
The odds are five to six that the light at the
end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train.
 -- Paul Dickson
 -- Rowe's Rule
%%
The offender never pardons.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
The offer that is "too good to be true" is also too good to be legal.
%%
The office space and salaries of college administrators are in inverse
proportion to those of the instructors.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
The official BBS of Nothing.
%%
The official Canadian DOS prompt..........EH:\<
%%
The Official MBA Handbook on doing company business on an airplane:

Do not work openly on top-secret company cost documents unless
you have previously ascertained that the passenger next to you is
blind, a rock musician on mood-ameliorating drugs, or the unfortunate
 possessor of a forty-seventh chromosome.
%%
The Official Offline Reader of The Lunatic Fringe!
%%
The OFFICIAL tagline of the 1996 Olympics!
%%
The offspring of a tribble and Ross Perot: #*@
%%
The Ohio General Code provides: "A person assaulted and lynched
by a mob may recover from the county in which the assault is made
a sum not to exceed five hundred dollars."
%%
The oilcan is mightier than the sword.
 -- Everett Dirksen
%%
The old American way to spell cheese was K-R-A-F-T.
Now, it's P-H-I-L-I-P-M-O-R-R-I-S.
%%
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
%%
The older I get, the better I used to be.
%%
The older I get, the smarter my parents were.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.  Let the reader
 catch his own breath.
 -- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
%%
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
brings wisdom.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), Prejudices, Third Series", 1922
%%
The older the cat, the longer the claws!
%%
The older the whine, the more sour the grapes.
%%
The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance
one can contain without bursting one's clothes.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
The older woman flirts with a self-controlled awareness which can make her
assaults much more deadly than the blind rushes of the young
 -- Iris Murdoch
%%
The older you get the greater you were!
%%
The oldest and best known evil was ever more supportable than one
that was new and untried.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest
and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
 -- H.P. Lovecraft, 'Supernatural Horror in Literature'
%%
The oldest exposed surface on earth is New Zealand's south island.
%%
The oldest of all philosophies, that of Evolution, was bound hand and
foot and cast into utter darkness during the millennium of theological
scholasticism. But Darwin poured new lifeblood into the ancient frame;
the bonds burst, and the revivified thought of ancient Greece has proved
itself to be a more adequate expression of the universal order of things
than any of the schemes which have been accepted by the credulity and
welcomed by the superstition of 70 later generations of men.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
The old gun-in-the-KAOS-agent's-sphincter trick. That's the second time I've
fallen for that this month.
 -- Maxwell Smart
%%
The old oaken bucket, the iron-bound bucket,
The moss-covered bucket, which hung in the well.
 -- Samuel Woodworth (1785-1842)
 -- The Old Oaken Bucket
%%
The Old Ones were, the Old Ones are and the Old Ones will be...
 not in the spaces we know of, but _between_ them ... Yog-Sothoth is the Gate.
 -- Abd al-Hazred, _Al Azif_
%%
The old order changeth, yielding place to new;
And God fulfils himself in many ways,
Lest one good custom should corrupt the world.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Passing of Arthur
%%
The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was
time to hang up the cue.  When he did all the other cues came crashing
to the floor. "Sorry," he said with a smile.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
The old proverb was now made good, "the mountain had brought forth a mouse."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Agesilaus II
%%
The old-timers around here still shake their heads and chuckle about
that city slicker who came through, trying to peddle "hair restorer."
 He took everyone's money in a poker game, so when he tried to sell
the bottles of hair restorer, nobody had any money left to buy it!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
The olive grove of Academe,
Plato's retirement, where the Attic bird
Trills her thick-warbled notes the summer long.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 244
%%
The Oliver North virus
  Turns your printer into a document shredder.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it.
The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.
 -- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the
not worth knowing.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
:theology: n. 1. Ironically or humorously used to refer to
   {religious issues}.  2. Technical fine points of an abstruse
   nature, esp. those where the resolution is of theoretical
   interest but is relatively {marginal} with respect to actual use of
   a design or system.  Used esp. around software issues with a
   heavy AI or language-design component, such as the smart-data vs.
   smart-programs dispute in AI.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The one common trait of talk shows is the fact that most of the guests have
 done something most of us consider unspeakable.
%%
The one course you need for graduation is not offered your last semester.
 -- Seit's Law of Higher Education
%%
The one day you'd sell you soul for something, souls are a glut.
 -- Mason's First Law of Synergism
%%
The one day you have the exact fare is the day it goes up.
%%
The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there
is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
 -- David Brinkley
%%
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to
cringe.
%%
The one great gift to humankind from our nuclear physicists has been the
nuclear bomb. How can we ever thank them?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference
 between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The
 first is imperative and the second is disastrous.
 -- Margot Fonteyn
%%
The one item you need is always in short supply.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #41
%%
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
 -- Finman's Principle
%%
The one most important rule for writers is to be sure to reread anything
 they have written to be sure that they have not by accident a word out.
%%
The one on the right must be Shinola, Clinton's on the "left."
%%
The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 75%
of the balance of the shipment.

 -- Corollary

Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50% of the time they haven't
even made it.
%%
The one real object of education is to have a man in the condition
of continually asking questions.
 -- Bishop Mandell Creighton
%%
The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing should be
 taken too seriously.
 -- Nicholas Murray Butler
%%
The one sure way to make a lazy man look
respectable is to put a fishing rod in his hand.
%%
The one thing about living in Santa Carla that I never could
 stomach is all the damn vampires.
 -- Grandpa, The Lost Boys
%%
The one thing finished in this hasty world.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Cathedral
%%
The one thing that can be safely said about the great majority of
 people is that we don't want them around.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.
 -- Harper Lee
%%
The one thing worse than a knee-pad Tory is a chickenshit liberal. The type
that can not say "shit" even when his mouth is full of it.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The one thing you can never be sure of is uncertainty.
%%
The one time in the day that you lean back and relax is
the one time the boss walks through the office.
 -- Theory of Selective Supervision
%%
The one truly unforgiveable sin for a man in the relation between the sexes, is
to take a woman for granted.
 -- Charles McCabe
%%
The one who does the least work always gets the most credit.
%%
The one who has the gold makes the rules.
 -- The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences
%%
 The one who says it cannot be done should never
 interrupt the one who is doing it.
 -- The Roman Rule
%%
The one whose judgment counts most in your life is the one staring
back in the glass.
%%
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
 -- BEDFELLOWS RULE
%%
The one who writes the advertisements for the bank is
surely not the same person who approves the loans.
%%
The one with the most typefaces when he dies, WINS!
%%
The one word you'll need is "no."
 -- Bette Davis (to Robin Williams)
%%
The one you love the most is the one you can help the least.
%%
The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.
 -- Anais Nin
%%
The only accident [at Three Mile Island] is that this thing leaked out.
You could have avoided this whole thing by not saying anything.
 -- Craig Faust (control-room operator at TMI), 1979, quoted from "Loose Talk"
%%
The only act of revolution left in a collective
 world is thinking for yourself.
 -- Bob Geldof, "Is That It?"
%%
The only advantage of old age is that you can sing while you brush your teeth.
%%
The only bad idea is the one not shared with others.
 -- Aristotelis Grammatikakis
%%
The only BBS with its number scrawled on bathroom walls.
%%
The only beast in the Plaza de Toros is the crowd.
 -- Vicente Blasco Ibanez (1867-1928)
%%
The only boardgame I play is PCboard !!
%%
The only brain-dead 286 chips are made by Intel...
%%
The only certain thing in life is death.
%%
The only certainties in life are death and taxes.
%%
The only change involved with Clinton is at McDonald's.
%%
The only completely consistent people are the dead.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
The only constant since the beginning of time is change.
%%
The only corporate defense against rationality is bureaucracy.
%%
The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one
moment to the next.
 -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
The only culture you have is between your toes.
%%
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
%%
The only difference between graffiti and philosophy is the word fuck.
%%
The only difference between the fool and the criminal who attacks a system
is that the fool attacks more unpredictably and on a broader front.
 -- Gummiges Laws of Computing
%%
The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that
every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
The only difference between your girlfriend and a barracuda is the nailpolish.
%%
The only difference in the game of love over the last few
thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds.
 -- The Indianapolis Star
%%
The only drawback of total nuclear war is $#@#%^NO CARRIER
%%
The only drawback with morning is that it comes at such an inconvenient
 time of day.
 -- anonymous
%%
The *only* duly authorized Computer Curmudgeon.
%%
The only dumb question is one you haven't asked yet.
%%
The only easy part of wallpapering is lining draws with the roll which
 is always left over.
%%
The only fair tax is a Flat Tax.
%%
The only faith that wears well and holds its color in all weathers,
is that which is woven of conviction and set with the sharp mordant
of experience.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- My Study Windows, Abraham Lincoln, 1864
%%
The only flaw in the Hinckley trial is that it left a lot of people with the
impression that psychiatrists are just a bunch of bearded voodoo doctors who
espouse confusing and wildly contradictory theories that have nothing to do
with common sense.  This is totally unfair.  Many psychiatrists are clean-
shaven.
 -- Dave Barry, Psychiatrist For Rent, "Bad Habits"
%%
The only food for thought is more thought.
 -- Peter Ustinov
%%
The only fool bigger that the person who knows it all is the person who
argues with him.
%%
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look
respectable.
 -- Economist John Kenneth Galbraith, US News & World Report, Jan 11, 1988
%%
The only gift is a portion of thyself.
 -- Emerson
%%
The only good cat is a stir fried cat.
 -- ALF
%%
The only GOOD Club in my bag is Canadian Club.....
%%
The only good Democrat, is an unemployed democrat!!
%%
The only good elf is a dead elf. The only thing better is a dying elf
who'll tell you where it's friends are.
 -- popular Orc proverb, as related by the future Mrs. Stilt Man
%%
The only good feminizt is terminally inconvenienced.
%%
The only good government is a bad one in a hell of a fright.
%%
The only good histories are those that have been written by the persons
themselves who commanded in the affairs whereof they write.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. x, Of Books
%%
The only good hockey players are the ones with no teeth!
%%
The only good husbands stay bachelors:  They're too considerate to get
married.
 -- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936)
%%
The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.
 -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
The only good Mac is a big Mac.
%%
The only good Smurf is a dead Smurf.
%%
The only good thing about growing older - it beats the alternative.
%%
The only good troll is a fireballed troll!
%%
The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross, and all she
 ever made was a flag.
 -- Mae West
%%
The only guarantee of the Bill of Rights which continues to have any
force and effect is the one prohibiting quartering troops on citizens
in time of peace.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), 1951
%%
The only heavy breathing I ever hear is after aerobics.
%%
The only idea that ever came to me while shaving was to grow a beard.
 -- Jim Fiebig
%%
The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.
%%
The only important result of a meeting is agreement about next steps.
 -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
The only insect that can beat its wing over 130,000 times a minute is
the midge - a mosquito look-alike.
%%
The only insect that can lift 50 times its own weight is the ant.
%%
The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questions.
 -- Susan Sontag
%%
The only job where you start at the top is digging a hole.
%%
The only justification for our concepts and systems of concepts is
that they serve to represent the complex of our experiences; beyond
this they have not legitimacy.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
The only measure of a man's usefulness
is the extent to which he exercises his
talent, according to the laws of his own
growth, for the common good.
 -- Stanley Kunitz
%%
The only mistakes we ever really make are the ones
that we don't learn from.
 -- Arthur Ashe
%%
The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a
domestic animal.
 -- Compton MacKenzie, "Cats' Company"
%%
The only new show worth watching will be cancelled.
 -- Jones' Law of TV
%%
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
 -- Joe Ancis
%%
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away
is your husband.
%%
The only ones who have a right to live are those not yet born.
 -- Yossarian, Rio Bisbee Band
%%
The only ones who seem to object to nudity are those who haven't tried it
 yet.
 -- Irvin S. Cobb
%%
The only one who can tell you "you can't" is you.  And you don't have
to listen.
 -- Nike advertisement
%%
The only one who's good to me, is Santa Claus, a fantasy.
%%
The only people for me are the mad ones--the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn
like fabulous yellow Roman candles.
 -- Jack Kerouac, "On the Road"
%%
The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the
fault finders.
 -- Foster's Law
%%
The only people who never fail are those who never try.
%%
The only people with a right to complain about what I do for a living are
vegetarian nudists.
 -- Ken Bates, fur trapper
%%
The only people worth talking to in a bureaucracy are the
ones who never deal with the public.
 -- Neudel's Nostrum
%%
The only perfect science is hind sight.
%%
The only place I want data loss is on my credit card!
%%
The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.
 -- Vidal Sassoon
%%
The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the
`social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
 -- Ernest Rutherford
%%
The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never
stop and take
a rest.
%%
The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.
 -- Phaedrus
%%
The only programs a grown-up can possibly stand are those that cater
to those pre-adolescent fantasies that most have never abandoned.
 -- Richard Schickel
%%
The only proper intoxication is conversation.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
 The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle
 is a decent helmet.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 28
%%
The only psychologically damaging thing about masturbation is
that there's nobody else to blame later for persuading you to do it.
%%
The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over
any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent
harm to others.  His own good, either physical or moral, is not a
sufficient warrant.
 -- John Stuart Mill, _On Liberty_
%%
The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member
 of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others ...
 over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign.
 -- John Stuart Mill 'On Liberty' 1859
%%
The only qualities for real success in journalism are ratlike cunning, a
 plausible manner, and a little literary ability. The capacity to steal
 other people's ideas and phrases ... is also invaluable.
 -- Nicholas Tomalin
%%
The only race worth winning is the human race.
%%
The only real bad part about traveling is the traveling.
%%
The only real failure in life is one not learned from.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
The only real failure in life is the failure to try.
%%
The only realities are the atoms and empty space.
%%
The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
%%
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber
has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture,
finished, and put inside boxes.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in
 everything.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
The only real problem in life is what to do next.
%%
The only real training for leadership is leadership.
 -- Anthony Jay
%%
The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
 -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
%%
The only reason God built the world in seven days
is that he didn't have legacy systems.
%%
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy
 breathing again.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
The only reason so many people came to his funeral
is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.
 -- Sam Goldwyn on Louis B. Mayer
%%
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar
territory.
 -- Paul Fix
%%
<*>{}<*>        The only reason you remember your name        <*>{}<*>
 <*>{}<*>        is because everybody keeps yelling at you.    <*>{}<*>
 -- AH
%%
The only reason you wear that mustache is because you're too cheap to buy
 scissors.
 -- Pat Cooper
%%
The only reward of virtue is virtue;
 the only way to have a friend is to be one.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Friendship"
%%
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
%%
The only safety for the conquered is to expect no safety.
 -- Vergil (B.C. 70-19)
%%
The only sense I can make out of having kids is it's a good way to become a
grandparent.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
The only sense that is common in the long run, is the sense of change- and
we all instinctively avoid it.
 -- E. B. White
%%
The only sin passion can commit is to be joyless.
%%
The only sin we never forgive each other is difference of opinion.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The only solution is...a balance of power.  We arm our side with
  exactly that much more.  A balance of power -- the trickiest,
  most difficult, dirtiest game of them all.  But the only one that
  preserves both sides.
 -- Kirk, "A Private Little War," stardate 4211.8.
%%
The only sure thing about luck is that it isn't.
%%
The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
 -- Bret Harte
%%
The only sure weapon against bad ideas is better ideas.
 -- Whitney Griswold
%%
The only test of our integrity of purpose is our willingness to defend
persons with whom we totally disagree.
 -- Roger Baldwin, ACLU co-founder
%%
The only thing a Beer tells you is when it's time to go to the bathroom.
%%
The only thing as good as your Crispy Crunch... is an O'Henry.
%%
The only thing better than love is milk.
%%
The only thing better than time well spent is time well wasted.
%%
The only thing cheaper than hardware is talk.
%%
The only thing faster than the computer is the weekend.
%%
The only thing funnier than how things don't work out, is how they do.
%%
The only thing have to burp is beer itself.
%%
The only thing he ever takes out on a moonlit night is his upper plate.
 -- Fred Allen
%%
The only thing houseflies fear more than the Venus fly trap is
the hanging plant.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The only thing I don't like about taglines is that I never have enough room to
%%
The only thing I ever learned from experience
was that I'd just made another mistake.
%%
The only thing I know for sure is that I know nothing at all, for sure.
 -- Socrates
%%
The only thing I like about rich people is their money.
 -- Lady Nancy Astor
%%
The only thing I passed in college was gas.
%%
The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested
solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that
writing didn't require any.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
The only thing more costly than stretching the schedule of an established
project is accelerating it, which is itself the most costly action known to
man.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXIV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The only thing more crooked than politics is insurance.
%%
The only thing more reliable than Magik is one's friends.
 -- Macbeth, King of Scotland
%%
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men
to do nothing."
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797), in a letter to William Smith
%%
The only thing on the level is mountain climbing.
 -- Eddie Quinn
%%
The only thing open about OSF is their mouth.
 -- Chuck Musciano
%%
The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.
%%
The only things one can admire at length are those one admires without
knowing why.
 -- Jean Rostand
%%
The only things that evolve by themselves in an organization are
disorder, friction, and malperformance.
%%
The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and
 someone says, "Hey, mind if I smoke?" I always say, "No. Mind if I fart?"
 -- Steve Martin
%%
The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax
is not having to pay an income tax.
 -- Lord Thomas R. Duwar
%%
The only thing that is faithful is a beer...
 -- Cliff and Norm.
%%
The only thing that is fault tolerant about the Internet is
that the users are prepared to tolerate its faults.
 -- Rob Pike
%%
The only thing that ought to be virgin are forests.
%%
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency.
 -- Eugene McCarthy
%%
The only thing that's been a worse flop than the organization of
 non-violence has been the organization of violence.
 -- Joan Baez
%%
The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first
one was useless.
 -- Nicolas Chamfort
%%
The only thing that will shame an attorney is poverty.
%%
The only thing the Borg left was Barney.
%%
The only thing the Borg left was Bob.
%%
The only thing the BORG left was this Macintosh.
%%
The only thing to do with advice is to pass it on. It is
never of any use to oneself.
 -- Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband"
%%
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning,
unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat
into advance.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address, Mar. 4, 1933
%%
The only thing we have to fear is no more beer.
%%
The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from
history.
 -- Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831)

I know guys can't learn from yesterday ...
Hegel must be taking the long view.
 -- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
%%
The only thing worse than an expert is someone who thinks he's an expert.
%%
The only thing worse than a sorcerer is a sorcerer's apprentice.
 -- Mickey Mouse
%%
The only thing worse than having a boss is being a boss.
%%
The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when
you're done.
 -- The Stovall's Law of negative inaction
%%
The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
The only thing wrong with reality, it that it takes too much time.
%%
The only thing you take with you when you're gone is what you leave behind
 -- John Allston
%%
 The only thing you will ever be able to say in the
   so-called 'social' sciences is: some do, some don't.
 -- Ernst Rutherford
%%
The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.
 -- C. Schultz
%%
The only time he'll pick up a check is if it's made out to him.
 -- Joey Adams
%%
The only time in our lives we like to get old is when we're kids. If you're
 less than 10 years old you're so excited about aging you think in
 fractions: "How old are you?" "Six and a half!" You're never 36 and a half.

 "Four and a half--going on five." You're going on ... the greatest day of
 your life: you become 21. But you turn 30. It makes you sound like bad
 milk. Then you're pushing 40.

 It's all slipping away. Then you reach 50. "My dreams are gone!" You become
 21, you turn 30, you're pushing 40, you reach 50: and you make it to 60. By
 then you've built up so much speed you HIT 70. After that?

 It's day by day. You hit Wednesday. In your 80s you hit lunch. My
 grandmother won't even buy green bananas. It doesn't end there. In the 90s
 you start going backward. "I was just 92." Then a strange thing happens. If
 you make it over a 100 you become a kid again: "I'm 104. And a half."
 -- Larry Miller
%%
The only time I refused a drink I didn't
understand the question.
%%
The only time our girls looked good at the Munich Olympics was in the
 village discotheque between 9 and 11 every night.
%%
The only time to say to someone; "Have a nice day," is when you have
 already rendered them completely speechless with rage and anger.
%%
The only time we doctors should accept death is when it comes as a result
of our own incompetence.
 -- Dr. Hfuhruhurr
%%
The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything -- and it works.
 -- William Strong
%%
The only tool diplomacy has is language.
 -- Hodin of Gideon, "The Mark of Gideon," stardate 5423.4.
%%
 The only truly indigenous American inventions are Thanksgiving turkey
and fingerfucking.
 -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
%%
The only truly irreplaceable thing is time.
%%
The only truly multitasking thing in Windoze '95 is the debit-from-VISA-card()
routine while browsing through the Microsaft NetWork.
 -- Yoshi
%%
The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a
block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards --
and even then I have my doubts.
 -- Eugene H. Spafford
%%
The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within.
 -- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
The only unnatural sexual act is the one that which you cannot perform.
 -- Dr. Alfred Charles Kinsey
%%
The only vice that cannot be forgiven is hypocrisy.  The repentance of a
hypocrite is itself hypocrisy.
 -- William Hazlitt (1778-1830)
%%
The only way for a reporter to look at a politician is down.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
The only way for a rich man to be healthy is, by exercise and abstinence,
to live as if he were poor.
 -- Sir William Temple
%%
The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead
 girl or a live boy.
 -- Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards
%%
The only way round is through.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy
pavement.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to
 wonder whether you are happy or not.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it.
 -- Pridham's Law of Golf
%%
The only way to be good at everything you do is to only do the things
you are good at.
%%
The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty,
 and to someone else if she is plain.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
"The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it."
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
 -- Dayton Allen
%%
The only way to compel men to speak good of us is to do it.
 -- Voltaire
%%
The only way to conquer fear is to keep doing the thing you fear to do.
%%
The only way to enjoy anything in this life is to earn it first.
%%
The only way to get positive feelings about yourself is to take positive
 actions. Man does not live as he thinks, he thinks as he lives.
 -- Vaugha Quinn
%%
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can
resist everything but temptation.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
 -- Dale Carnegie
%%
The only way to have real success in science, the field I'm familiar with, is
to describe the evidence very carefully without regard to the way you feel it
should be.  If you have a theory, you must try to explain what's good and
what's bad about it equally.  In science, you learn a kind of standard
integrity and honesty.

In other fields, such as business, it's different.  For example, almost every
advertisement you see is obviously designed, in some way or another, to fool
the customer: the print that they don't want you to read is small; the
statements are written in an obscure way.  It is obvious to anybody that the
product is not being presented in a scientific and balanced way.  Therefore,
in the selling business, there's a lack of integrity.
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988),
 -- "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
The only way to keep you health is to eat what you don't want,
drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The only way to learn a new programming language is by writing programs in it.
 -- Brian Kernighan
%%
The only way to make something completely foolproof
is to keep it away from fools.
%%
The only way to make up for being lost is to make record
time while you are lost.
 -- The Rule of the Rally
%%
The only way to stop war once and for all is to keep it from being so much fun.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The only way women could have equal rights would be to surrender some.
%%
The only way you can protect your rights is to protect those of others!
%%
The only way you'll ever hear from me is if you're living in the same hell.
 -- Roy Harper
%%
The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The only winning move is not to play
[with picture of mushroom cloud]
%%
The only words that ever satisfied me as describing Nature are the terms
used in fairy books, "charm", "spell", "enchantment". They express the
arbitrariness of the fact and its mystery.
 -- G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy
%%
The only wormhole I've seen went through an apple.
%%
The only worthwhile feminist movement involves negligee.
%%
The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
 -- Robert M. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
%%
The onset and the waning of love make themselves
felt in the uneasiness experienced at being alone together.
 -- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
The Oo-Ah bird is so-called 'cause it lays square eggs. "OO! AH!"
%%
The Open Kimono - by U. Seymore Hair
%%
The opera ain't over 'til the fat lady sings.
 -- Dick Motta
%%
The opinion of the strongest is always the best.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Wolf and the Lamb, Book i, Fable 10
%%
The opinions above belongs to me, only me, me, me, me, me, MEEEE !
%%
The opinions expressed  above are not those of my company
or a subsidiary thereof...
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The opinions expressed are mine, wholly mine, and nothing but mine.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The opinions expressed are my own.
The above is still true, unless I decide to make up a
fictional expert or guru, then the opinions belong to them.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The opinions expressed are those of the author.
His employer would disavow any knowledge of them,
presuming they knew that he had any.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The Opinions expressed here are my own -
I managed to form them without *Any* help from my employers.....
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The opinions expressed here are neither mine nor anyone elses.
%%
The opinions here are strictly my own (or those of my machine)
%%
The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up
 until 5 or 6 p.m.
%%
The opportunity for graft equals the plethora of legal requirements
multiplied by the number of architects, engineers, and builders.
%%
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.  But the
 opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
 -- Niels Bohr
%%
The opposite of love isn't hate - it's apathy.
 -- Leo Buscaglia
%%
The opposite of present is (a)past (b)future (c)absent
%%
The opposite of RIGHT is not only LEFT, it's also WRONG
%%
The opposite of talking isn't listening.  The opposite of talking is
waiting.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
The opposition is largely composed of "short-haired women and long-haired
men."
 -- Marsdon Manson
%%
The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular
representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them.
 -- Karl Marx
%%
The Optimist: A Mac salesman with a pager
%%
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds,
and the pessimist knows it.
 -- J. Robert Oppenheimer, "Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists" 1951
%%
The optimum committee has no members.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The options described above  interact  with  each  other  in
strange and as yet to be defined ways.
 -- Unix Manual, pr(1)
%%
The opulence of the front office is inversely proportional to the
fundamental solvency of the organization.
 -- Law of Institutions
%%
      The oracles are dumb,
      No voice or hideous hum
Runs through the arched roof in words deceiving.
      Apollo from his shrine
      Can no more divine,
With hollow shriek the steep of Delphos leaving.
No nightly trance or breathed spell
Inspires the pale-eyed priest from the prophetic cell.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Hymn on Christ's Nativity, Line 173
%%
The order and connection of ideas is the same as the order and connection
of things.
%%
Theorem: All programs are dull.

Proof: Assume the contrary; i.e., the set of interesting programs is
nonempty.  Arrange them (or it) in order of interest (note that all
sets can be well ordered, so do it properly).  The minimal element is
the "least interesting program", the obvious dullness of which provides
the contradictory denouement we so devoutly seek.
 -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
%%
Theorem: Every horse has an infinite number of legs

 Horses have an even number of legs.  Behind they have two legs,
 and in front they have fore legs.  This makes six legs, which is
 certainly an odd number of legs for a horse.  The only number
 that is both odd and even is infinity.  Therefore, horses have an
 infinite number of legs.
 -- From "On the Nature of Mathematical Proofs", Joel Cohen
%%
THEORETICAL ASTRONOMERS only *think* about it
%%
Theoretical physicist - a physicist whose existence is postulated, to make the
 numbers balance, but who is never actually observed in the laboratory.
%%
Theoretical physicists tend to assume that Nature isn't as malevolent as
our pure mathematical examiners.
%%
Theoretical Physics is a science locally isomorphic to Mathematics.
%%
THEORETICIANS do it conceptually
%%
THEORETICIANS do it with a proof
%%
The organization of any program reflects the organization of the
people who develop it.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
Theories are always better than explanations.
%%
Theories are like maps or fishing nets,
like sunglasses with different colored lenses
- they focus our attention on some details and away from others.
 -- Infante et al
%%
The original plan for Disneyland included a Lilliputland.
%%
The original Star Trek crew is getting a little old. Capt. Kirk just
flew the Enterprise 2 million light years with the left turn signal on.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
The original title of 'Catch-22' written by Joseph Heller was Catch-18.
Can you think of being in a Catch-18 situation? I can't either.
%%
The origin of the Frisbee is said to have originated at Yale University
in New Haven, Connecticut just after WWII when students started throwing
empty pie plates from the nearby Frisbie Bakery. A shout of 'Frisbee'
was often heard if someone got in the way of the spinning pie plate. In
the 1950's, the Wham-O Manufacturing Company marketed a plastic version
- called the Pluto Platter and the game took off in popularity. Frisbees
have been clocked at over 75 m.p.h.
%%
The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.
 -- Emerson
%%
The ornament of beauty is suspect,
A crow that flies in heaven's sweetest air.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lxx
%%
Theory: A hunch with a college education.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Theory guides, experiment decides.
%%
        THEORY
Into love and out again,
      Thus I went and thus I go.
Spare your voice, and hold your pen:
      Well and bitterly I know
All the songs were ever sung,
       All the words were ever said;
Could it be, when I was young,
 Someone dropped me on my head?
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
:theory: n. The consensus, idea, plan, story, or set of rules that
   is currently being used to inform a behavior.  This usage is a
   generalization and (deliberate) abuse of the technical meaning.
   "What's the theory on fixing this TECO loss?"  "What's the
   theory on dinner tonight?"  ("Chinatown, I guess.")  "What's
   the current theory on letting lusers on during the day?"  "The
   theory behind this change is to fix the following well-known
   screw...."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Theory of relativity:  If you go back far enough, we're all related.
%%
THEORY:
System of ideas meant to explain something, chosen with a view to
originality, controversialism, incomprehensibility, and how good
it will look in print.
%%
The Osmonds!  You are all Osmonds!!  Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
THEOSOPHY, n.  An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion
and all the mystery of science.  The modern Theosophist holds, with
the Buddhists, that we live an incalculable number of times on this
earth, in as many several bodies, because one life is not long enough
for our complete spiritual development; that is, a single lifetime
does not suffice for us to become as wise and good as we choose to
wish to become.  To be absolutely wise and good -- that is perfection;
and the Theosophist is so keen-sighted as to have observed that
everything desirous of improvement eventually attains perfection.
Less competent observers are disposed to except cats, which seem
neither wiser nor better than they were last year.  The greatest and
fattest of recent Theosophists was the late Madame Blavatsky, who had
no cat.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
The other best shots are generally attempted through the lens cap.
%%
The other car appeared, as out of nowhere, although I am sure it was
 somewhere before it appeared, and once it did, hitting it was the only
 thing left for me to do, so I did it, and frankly, I rather enjoyed it.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid
by steering it into the other vehicle.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form
%%
The other day along the road I saw a sign which said "Deer Crossing." Until
 that very time it never occurred to me that deer were Catholics.
%%
The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?"
 I said, "I don't know.  You can't see out the other way."
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
The other day he woke up with a headache. I felt sorry for him. I would
 like to help him but I can't. I told him so many times; when he jumps out
 of bed--feet first.
 -- Jean Carroll
%%
The other day I bought a wastebasket and carried it home in a paper
 bag. And when I got home I put the paper bag in the wastebasket.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
The other day, I dropped a piece of bread and it fell butter side up.
I was convinced that I'd buttered the wrong side of the bread.
%%
The other day I heard that sponges grow in the ocean.
Can you imagine how deep the water would be if they didn't?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The other day I.... No, that wasn't me.
 -- comedian Steven Wright
%%
The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
went back in time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The other day I put my wrists in front of my eyes.
 I had Carpal Tunnel Vision Syndrome.
%%
The other day I saw a Headline from a couple of years back: "Bush
Wants a 'Revolution' in Schools."
So *that's* where the guns are coming from!
%%
The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says
 to the other, "How do you like that. Pay toilets!"
 -- Dave Starr
%%
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge.  Some
 people are afraid of heights.  Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The other day I went out and bought a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
I brought them home, put them in the bedroom, shut the door, and let
them fight it out.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The other day I went to the stationery store, but it had moved.
%%
The other day my wife brought home a toy for our baby boy. It was a small
 wooden mailbox with three openings in it: a square one, a round one, and a
 triangular one. The set was completed by three wooden objects, each of
 which could fit only into its proper hole. The combination is described as
 "educational," for obvious reasons. It's brand name is Playskool.

 A few days earlier I had bought the baby another educational toy: a tiny
 functional piano, the brand name of which is Famus.

 Someday when my son is going to skool and has become famus for his daring
 and strangely phonetic approach to spelling, he will be thankful that we
 gave him only educational toys.
 -- Steve Allen
%%
The other day someone asked me what I thought about the JFK assassination.
I replied "There was a coverup.  It worked."...
%%
The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough
times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith
that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. (He
paused, then said) Would you like a puppy?
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle (LA Times 5/21/89)
%%
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in
 front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The other guy's tagline is always funnier.
%%
The other line moves faster.
 -- Ettorre's Observation
%%
The other line moves faster. This applies to all lines- bank, supermarket,
tollbooth, customs, and so on. And don't try to change lines. The
Other Line- the one you were in originally- will then move faster.
 -- Barbara Ettorre
%%
The other lines move faster.
 -- Ettore's Observation
If you change lines, the one you just left will start to
move faster than the one you are in now.
 -- O'Brien's Variation on Ettore's Observation
Switching back screws up both lines and makes everybody angry.
 -- Kenton's Corollary
%%
The other major kind of computer is the 'Apple,' which I do not recommend,
because it is a wuss-o-rama new-age computer that you basically just plug in
and use. This means you don't get to participate in the most entertaining
aspect of computer owning, which is trying to get the computer to work.
 -- Dave Barry, 6 February 1994
%%
The other Messenger's called Hatta.  I must have TWO, you know -- to come and
go.  One to come, and one to go.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car
 keys.  I started the house up.  So, I drove it around for a while.  I was
 speeding, and a cop pulled me over.  He asked where I lived.  I said, "right
 here, officer".  Later, I parked it on the freeway, got out, and yelled at all
 the cars, "Get out of my driveway!"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The other night I was having sex, but the girl hung up on me.
%%
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I
wondered, "Where the F!CK is my ROOF ?!?"
 -- Pat Calitri
%%
The other planets are laughing at us.
%%
The other Shaltanac's joopleberry shrub is always a more mauvy shade of pinky
russet.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The other shape,
If shape it might be call'd that shape had none
Distinguishable in member, joint, or limb;
Or substance might be call'd that shadow seem'd,
For each seem'd either,--black it stood as night,
Fierce as ten furies, terrible as hell,
And shook a dreadful dart; what seem'd his head
The likeness of a kingly crown had on.
Satan was now at hand.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 666
%%
The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
The outward and visible sign of the end of war was the
introduction of the magazine rifle.
 -- I.S. Bloch 1899
%%
The outward freedom that we shall attain will only be in exact proportion
to the inward freedom to which we may have grown at a given moment.
 And if this is a correct view of freedom, our chief energy must be
concentrated on achieving reform from within.
 -- Gandhi
%%
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of
 legs.
 -- E. Grebenik
%%
The overwhelming prerequisite for the greatness of an artist
is that artist's death.
 -- Thiessen's Law of Art
%%
The owl and the pussy-cat went to sea...
 -- Edward Lear
%%
The oxen are slow, but the earth is patient.
%%
The Oxford Dictionary of Computing, 3rd edition (paperback), 1991 has the
 following entry on page 323 under OS/2:

 OS/2 : An operating system. It has a wimp user interface called Presentation
 Manager.

 The entry for wimp can be found on page 501:

 Wimp: Acronym for windows, icons, menus, pointers.

 Strangely, the dictionary does not use the same adjective/acronym to
 describe the Apple, Windows or X-Windows interfaces.
%%
The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah i, 3
%%
The oyster creaks open, revealing nothing but oyster inside. It
promptly promptly snaps shut again.
%%
The painful warrior famoused for fight,
After a thousand victories, once foil'd,
Is from the books of honour razed quite,
And all the rest forgot for which he toil'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet xxv
%%
The pain in brain stays mainly insane!
%%
The pain in Spain falls mainly with the cane!
%%
The painter is not an intellectual if, when he has painted a nude woman, he
gives us the idea that she is just about to put her clothes back on.
 -- Odilon Redon
%%
The painter should not paint what he sees, but what will be seen.
 -- Paul Valery, Mauvaises pensees et autres
%%
The Palace Roof has a Hole: Lee King
%%
The palest ink is better than the best memory.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
The palpable obscure.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 406
%%
The pancake house was robbed.  How waffle.
%%
The panther is like a leopard,
Except it hasn't been peppered.
Should you behold a panther crouch,
Prepare to say Ouch.
Better yet, if called by a panther,
Don't anther.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
The pants were very sad, they were depressed.
%%
The paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace the
hardcover book--it makes a very poor doorstop.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
The paper burns, but the words fly free.
 -- ben Joseph Akiba (c. 50-132)
 -- (Last words, at the stake, when the Torah was also burned.)
%%
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor,
 and every day the paper boy brings more.
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
The Paper Route: Avery Daye
%%
The paperwork has GOT to be right.
%%
The PARITY CHECK is in the E-MAIL!
%%
The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
%%
 The party you dialed is not available.  Your call is being
 diverted to an alternate number.  Please stand by...  (Ring...)
 The number you dialed must be dialed by your 0 operator.
 (Click, beep, dial tone.)
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
The passions and desires, like the two twists of a rope, mutually mix one with
the other, and twine inextricably round the heart; producing good if moderately
indulged; but certain destruction, if suffered to become inordinate.
 -- Burton
%%
The passions are the only orators that always persuade.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
The passions, like heavy bodies down steep hills, once in motion,
move themselves, and know no ground but the bottom.
 -- Fuller
%%
The passions often engender their contraries.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
 The passive voice should never be used.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
The past always looks better than it was.
 It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
 -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
%%
The past few years have seen a steady increase in the number of people
 playing music in the streets. The past few years have also seen a steady
 increase in the number of malignant diseases? Are these two facts related?
 One wonders.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.
 -- L. P. Hartley
%%
    The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an
ominous ticking sound, and the future anybody's guess.  It was
fun back there with the Rover Boys, the Little Colonel,
Pollyanna, and Peg-o'-my-Heart, but we don't want to be caught
in the past while the Russians are shaking hands with the
Martians.  Let us then be up and doing.
 -- James Thurber
%%
The past is behind us and the future's below us.
 -- Kermit to Miss Piggy while hanging from a cliff Muppet Treasure Island
%%
The past is gone; the present is full of confusion; and the future
scares hell out of me!
 -- David Lewis Stein
%%
The past is just Prolog.
%%
The past is not what it will be.
%%
The past is still the past.
 -- Beck
%%
The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet.
 -- Cyril Connolly, "Journal and Memoir" 1983
%%
The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon.  And
since the party is in full control of all records, and in equally
full control of the minds of its members, it follows that the past
is whatever the party chooses to make it.  Six means eighteen,
two plus two equals five, war is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance
is strength.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950), "1984"
%%
The past is what you use to distort the present.
%%
The Past:  Our cradle, not our prison; there is danger as well as
appeal in its glamour.  The past is for inspiration, not imitation,
for continuation, not repetition.
 -- Israel Zangwill
%%
The past should be a springboard, not a hammock.
%%
The path is the way.
The way is the truth.
It is found, but not held
walked on, but not followed.
%%
The path of sorrow, and that path alone,
Leads to the land where sorrow is unknown.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- To an Afflicted Protestant Lady
%%
The path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and
more unto the perfect day.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs iv, 18
%%
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of
the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.  Blessed is he who, in the name
of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of
darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost
children.  And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and
furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.  And
you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee
 -- Jules, on "Pulp Fiction", quoting Ezekiel 25:17
%%
The pathology is to want control, not that you ever get it, because of
 course you never do.
 -- Gregory Bateson
%%
The paths of glory at least lead to the grave, but the paths of duty
may not get you any where.
 -- James Thurber (1894-1961)
%%
The paths of glory lead but to the grave.
 -- Grey's Elegy
%%
The path to enlightenment requires a flashlight with fresh batteries.
%%
The path to hell is paved with government subsidies..
%%
The patient can oftener do without the doctor, than the doctor without
the patient.
 -- Zimmerman
%%
The patient's taken a turn for the nurse.
%%
The patient went to his doctor for a checkup, and the doctor wrote out a
 prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in
 his pocket, but he forgot to have it filled. Every morning for two years he
 showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice it got him into the
 movies, once into the baseball park and once into the symphony. He got a
 raise at work by showing it as a note from the boss. One day he mislaid it.
 His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano and won a scholarship to a
 conservatory of music.
%%
The pattern established at the outset has remained to this day, and
the Spaniards still do nothing save tear the natives to shreds, murder
them and inflict upon them untold misery, suffering and distress,
tormenting, harrying and persecuting them mercilessly.
 -- Bartolome de Las Casas,
 -- A Short Account of the Destruction of the Indies, 1542
%%
:The `-P' convention: --------------------- Turning a word into a
question by appending the syllable `P'; from the LISP convention of
appending the letter `P' to denote a predicate (a boolean-valued
function).  The question should expect a yes/no answer, though it
needn't.  (See {T} and {NIL}.)

     At dinnertime:
           Q: "Foodp?"
           A: "Yeah, I'm pretty hungry." or "T!"

     At any time:
           Q: "State-of-the-world-P?"
           A: (Straight) "I'm about to go home."
           A: (Humorous) "Yes, the world has a state."

     On the phone to Florida:
           Q: "State-p Florida?"
           A: "Been reading JARGON.TXT again, eh?"

[One of the best of these is a {Gosperism}.  Once, when we were at a
Chinese restaurant, Bill Gosper wanted to know whether someone would
like to share with him a two-person-sized bowl of soup.  His inquiry
was: "Split-p soup?" --- GLS]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
The Peace Mission: Olive Branch
%%
The peace of God, which passeth all understanding.
 -- New Testament
 -- Philippians iv, 7
%%
The peasants of the Asturias believe that in every litter of wolves there is
one pup that is killed by the mother for fear that on growing up it would
devour the other little ones.
 -- Victor Hugo
 -- Les Miserables, the book
%%
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
The pedestrian works where I work. She is a standards coordinator.
Funny she should be the one I hit.
%%
The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law.
%%
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
 were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The penalty of success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.
 -- Nancy, Lady Astor
%%
The pendulum has gone full circle.
%%
The pen is mightier than the pencil.
%%
The pen is mightier than the sword; and easier to write with.
%%
The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the
pen is very sharp.
 -- P. Terry
%%
The pen is mightier than the sword--so, in these dangerous times, I
 always carry a pen.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
The pen is the interpreter of the heart.
%%
The pen is the tongue of the mind.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xvi
%%
The pen of the tongue should be dipped in the ink of the heart.
%%
The people all know, Everyone's doin'that rag
%%
The people always have some champion whom they set over them and nurse
into greatness.... This and no other is the root from which tyranny springs.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic"
%%
The people always want to hear when the mighty stag is brought to
the ground by a pack of common dogs.
 -- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
The people arose as one man.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, xx, 8
%%
The people around you will finally know peace and happiness... when
you're dead!
%%
The people came to realize that wealth is not the fruit of
labour but the result of organized protected robbery.
 -- Frantz Fanon
%%
The people here [in Nicaragua] are amazingly friendly, when you
figure we're here to overthrow their government.
 -- Richard Melton, US Ambassador to Nicaragua
%%
    The people I distrust most are those who want to improve
our lives but have only one course of action.
 -- Frank Herbert
%%
The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys.
 But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks,
 and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it.
 Man, I think my heart almost broke.  Later the boy came up and offered to give
 me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I
 chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way
 of these people.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
The people may be made to follow a path of action, but they may
not be made to understand it.
 -- Confucius
%%
The people most preoccupied with titles and status are usually the
least deserving of them.
%%
The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech at County Meeting of Bucks, 1784
%%
The people of Gideon have always believed that life is sacred.
  That the love of life is the greatest gift .. we are incapable
  of destroying or interfering with the creation of that which we
  love so deeply -- life in every form from fetus to developed being.
 -- Hodin of Gideon, "The Mark of Gideon," stardate 5423.4.
%%
        The people of Halifax invented the trampoline.  During the
Victorian period the tripe-dressers of Halifax stretched tripe across a
large wooden frame and jumped up and down on it to `tender and dress'
it.  The tripoline, as they called it, degenerated into becoming the
apparatus for a spectator sport.

  The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for
castrating pigs during Sunday service.
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
The people of Nebraska are for free silver. Therefore, I am for free
silver. I'll look up the reasons later.
 -- U.S. Representative William Jennings Bryan
%%
THe people of Rome have always destroyed their greatest sons.
 -- Benito Mussolini
%%
[The people of Vaal] have taken their first step [towards achieving
true human stature].  They've learned to kill.
 -- Spock, "The Apple," stardate 3715.6
%%
The people's government, made for the people, made by the people,
and answerable to the people.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Second Speech on Foot's Resolution, Jan. 26, 1830, p. 321
%%
The people's prayer, the glad diviner's theme,
The young men's vision, and the old men's dream!
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 238
%%
The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who
disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
The people who are rising in the world take over. The people who
are sinking are taken over.
 -- Sepp von Plum
%%
The people who make art their business are mostly imposters.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
%%
The people who oppose your ideas the most are those who represent
the establishment that your ideas will upset.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely propor-
tional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.
 -- Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness
%%
The perfect civil servant is the man who has a valid objection to
any possible solution.
 -- A.H. Heats, May 16, 1965
%%
The perfect friend sees the best in you -- sees it constantly --
not just when you occasionally are that way, but also when you
waver, when you forget yourself, act like less than you are.
In time, you become more like his vision of you -- which is the
person you have always wanted to be.
 -- Nancy Friday
%%
The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
%%
The perfect man is the true partner.  Not a bed partner nor a fun partner,
but a man who will shoulder burdens equally with [you] and possess that
quality of joy.
 -- Erica Jong
%%
The perfect man uses his mind as a mirror.
It grasps nothing.  It regrets nothing.
It receives but does not keep.
 -- Chuang Tzu
%%
The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that
    billet is filled by someone else.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #50
%%
The perfect secretary is one who types fast and runs slow.
%%
The Perils Of Drug Addiction: Anita Fixx
%%
The perpetual obstacle to human advancement is custom.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
The perpetuation of polysyllabic obfuscation through redundancy and obtuse
 reiteration is often unnecessarily repeated as a distinct disservice to
 clarity and brevity, in compound sentences, which overuse punctuation marks
 and do not conclude by coming to a conclusion, when this seems to be within
 reason and right order.
%%
The persistent single-minded fixation on one idea.
%%
The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato chip
 market. Next year it will be about half the size of the pet food market and
 is fast approaching the total worldwide sales of pantyhose.
 -- James Finke, Pres., Commodore Int'l Ltd. (1982)
%%
The person next to you might be able to help you.
%%
The person next to you needs a hug.
%%
The person next to you needs a smile.
%%
The persons hardest to convince they're at retirement age
are children at bed time.
 -- Shannon Fife
%%
The persons who remain poor are the entirely foolish, the entirely wise,
the idle, the reckless, the humble, the thoughtful, the dull, the
imaginative, the sensitive, the well-informed, the improvident, the
irregularly and impulsively wicked, the clumsy knave, the open thief,
and the entirely merciful, just, and godly person.
 -- John Ruskin (1819-1900)
%%
The person who buys the most raffle tickets has the least chance of winning.
 -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
The person who considers five or six possible solutions to a problem is more
apt to find the right answer than the person who only considers one or two.
%%
The person who figures out how to harness the collective genius
of the people in his or her organization
is going to blow the competition away.
 -- Walter Wriston, former CEO, Citibank
%%
The person who hesitates ends up at the end of the line.
%%
The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.
%%
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be
amused.
 -- Shirley Maclaine
%%
The person who knows how will always have a job.  The person who knows
why will always be his boss.
 -- Diane Ravitch, quoted in "Quotable Business," by Louis E. Boone
%%
The person who quite clearly knows nothing but thinks that he knows
 absolutely everything has a very distinct orientation toward a political
 career.
%%
The person who rocks the boat is never the one at the oars.
%%
The person who says, 'Where did you last have it?'
actually believes he is providing valuable assistance.
 -- Smith's Observation
%%
The person whose clothes are extremely fine I am too apt to consider
as not being possessed of any superiority of fortune, but resembling
those Indians who are found to wear all the gold they have in the
world in a bob at the nose.
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
The person who stands in New York and sees the fly in California is
 unconscious of the fact that at the very time, a horse is standing on his
 foot. Pay attention to what YOU are doing, not the other person.
%%
The person who told me that by starting at the bottom there was no way for
 me to go but up had unfortunately forgotten that sideways is still a
 direction you can go and go and go. I did.
%%
The person who walks alone is soon trailed by the FBI.
 -- Wright Morris
%%
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
%%
The perversion of the mind is only possible when those who should be
heard in its defense are silent.
 -- Archibald MacLeash (b. 1892)
%%
The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated than by the
fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard
while crackers become soft.
%%
The perversity of the Universe is nothing compared to my girlfriend.
%%
The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
 -- Finagle's Law
%%
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
The realist adjusts the sails.
 -- William Arthur Ward
%%
The pets eat better than I do!
%%
The phase of the moon is bad, causing a fatal disk crash.
%%
The Philistines be upon thee, Samson.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, xvi, 9
%%
The Phillipine Post Office: Imelda Letter
%%
The Phillips-head screwdriver was invented in Oregon.
%%
The philosophers have only interpreted the world; the thing, however,
is to change it.
 -- Karl Marx
%%
The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment
of an illness.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%%
The philosophical principle that even the simplest
solution is bound to have something wrong with it.
 -- Occam's Eraser
%%
The philosophy exam was a piece of cake---which was a bit of a surprise,
 actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.
%%
The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
The phone always rings when you are outside the shower with a knife.
 -- Bate's Law
%%
The phone call you're waiting for comes the minute you go out the door.
 -- Law of Telephone Dynamics
%%
The phone's tapped anyway.
%%
The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the
other end of the building.
 -- Linda A. Lawyer
%%
The phrase "honor one's promises" is not in the Clinton lexicon.
%%
The phrase "we(I)(you) simply MUST ... " designates something that need
not be done. "That goes without saying" is a red warning. "Of course"
means you had best check it yourself. These small-change cliches and
others like them, when read correctly, are reliable channel markers.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
The phrase would be more german to the matter, if we could carry cannon
by our sides.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
The piano sounds like a carnival.  The microphone smells like a beer.
 They sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say
 "Man, what are you doing here?"
 -- Billy Joel
%%
The picture placed the busts between
  Adds to the thought much strength;
Wisdom and Wit are little seen,
  But Folly 's at full length.
 -- Jane Brereton (1685-1740)
 -- On Beau Nash's Picture at full length between the Busts of Sir
 -- Isaac Newton and Mr. Pope
%%
The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen...   The world's climates are changing,
 the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a
 walnut.
 -- some dinosaurs from The Far Side, by Gary Larson
%%
The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
Gives us ham and pork and Bacon.
Let others think his heart is big,
I think it stupid of the Pig.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The pills to be taken with meals will be the least appetising ones.
%%
The pilot cannot mitigate the billows or calm the winds.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- On the Tranquillity of the Mind
%%
The pilot is always the 1st at an aircraft accident.
%%
The pilot of the Galilean lake;
Two massy keys he bore, of metals twain
(The golden opes, the iron shuts amain).
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 109
%%
The pilots described it as a turkey shoot because the Iraqis
 were sitting ducks.
%%
The pimples don't appear until the hour before the date.
 -- Ron's Observation for Teens
%%
The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!!
 But they went to MARS around 1953!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The pirate's treasure chest is here!
%%
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
%%
The pitcher wound up and he flang the ball at the batter.  The batter
swang and missed.  The pitcher flang the ball again and this time the
batter connected.  He hit a high fly right to the center fielder.  The
center fielder was all set to catch the ball, but at the last minute
his eyes were blound by the sun and he dropped it.
 -- Dizzy Dean
%%
The place of justice is a hallowed place.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small
 one, particularly if he plays golf.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum.
 -- Havelock Ellis (1859-1939), "The Dance of Life", 1923
%%
The place where YOU can make a difference.  Sort of.  Maybe.  Nahh...
%%
The Plain Man's Guide to Alien Invasion....
 -- Avon
%%
The Plain People are worth dying for until you bunch them and give them the
 cold Once-Over, and then they impress the impartial Observer as being
 slightly Bovine, with a large Percentage of Vegetable Tissue.
 -- George Ade
%%
The planets in their distant courses Exert a baleful influence. They
stack the cards, they slow down horses- My God, their power must be immense!
%%
The plan is nothing.  The planning is everything.
%%
The plant grows explosively, almost filling the bottom of the pit.
%%
The plant has exceptionally deep roots and cannot be pulled free.
%%
The plant indignantly shakes the oil off its leaves and asks, "Water?"
%%
The plants must win.
[It will be a new world, silent and beautiful.]
 -- Harrison Chase, Seeds of Doom
%%
The play, I remember, pleased not the million; 't was caviare to the general.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The play 's the thing
Wherein I 'll catch the conscience of the king.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The Plea Bargain Defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 10
%%
The pleasing punishment that women bear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Comedy of Errors
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
 The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous,
 and the expense damnable.
 -- Advice to his son on sex
%%
The pleasure of love is in loving. We are happier in the passion we
feel than in that we inspire.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 259
%%
The Pledge of Allegiance says 'liberty and justice for all'.
Which part of 'all' don't you understand?
 -- Rep. Pat Schroeder (D) Colo.
%%
The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
 -- David Lardner
%%
The plow has probably done more harm--in the long run--than the sword.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The plumage don't enter into it.  It's stone dead.
%%
The plural of half is whole.
%%
The plural of louse is........lice.
%%
The plural of mouse is........mice.
%%
The plural of spouse is spice.
%%
The PMS Defense (My Body, No Choice)
 -- Female-Only Defense 02
%%
The Poems, all three hundred of them,
may be summed up in one of their phrases:
"Let our thoughts be correct".
 -- Confucius
%%
The poet ranks far below the painter in the representation of visible things,
and far below the musician in that of invisible things.
 -- Leonardo DaVinci
%%
The poetry of earth is never dead.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- On the Grasshopper and Cricket
%%
The poetry of heroism appeals irresistibly to those who don't go to a
war, and even more so to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy."
 -- Celine
%%
The poetry of speech.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 58
%%
"The point I have been patiently trying to make," Godwin said impatiently,
"is that you expect far too much of a first sentence. Think of it
as analogous to a good country breakfast: what we want is something
simple, but nourishing to the imagination. Hold the philosophy, hold
the adjectives, just give us a plain subject and perhaps a wholesome,
nonfattening adverb or two."
 -- Godwin to Danny Deck, Some Can Whistle
%%
The point is plain as a pike-staff.
 -- John Byrom (1691-1763)
 -- Epistle to a Friend
%%
The point is...that there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop
yourself going mad.  You might just as well give in and save your sanity for
later.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The point is to develop the childlike inclination for play and the
childlike desire for recognition and to guide the child over to important
fields for society.  Such a school demands from the teacher that he
be a kind of artist in his province.
 -- Albert Einstein, Out of My Later Years
%%
The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to
seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no
one will believe it.
 -- Bertrand Russell
 -- The Philosophy of Logical Atomism
%%
The poison of love so pure, it's deceiving...
%%
The police are not there to create disorder.    The police are there to
 preserve disorder.
 -- The late Richard J. Daly, Mayor of the city of Chicago
%%
The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish
to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified.  But
it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards
of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to adapt to one's own preferences.
 Only then can we hope to restore the insult to its proper place.
 -- Miss Manners' Guide to excruciatingly correct behavior
%%
The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment.
To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.
 -- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
%%
The Politician's Diet:  Crow, Limburger and hogwash.
%%
The politicians don't just want your money.  They want your soul.
 They want you to be worn down by taxes until you are dependent and
helpless.  When you subsidize poverty and failure, you get more of
both.
 -- James Dale Davidson, National Taxpayers Union
%%
The politician's promises of yesterday are the taxes of today.
%%
The politicians's passion is to be mistaken for a statesman.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on
a Dr Pepper can.
%%
The politician who steals is worse than a thief.  He is a fool.  With
the grand opportunities all around for a man with political pull,
there's no excuse for stealin' a cent.
 -- George Washington Plunkitt (1842-1924)
%%
The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree!
%%
The pollution's at that awkward stage.
Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.
 -- Doug Sneyd
%%
The pomps and vanity of this wicked world.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Catechism
%%
The poor always ye have with you.
 -- New Testament
 -- John xii, 8
%%
The poor cat in the rain look. It never fails.
%%
The poorest man may in his cottage bid defiance to all the force of
the Crown. It may be frail; its roof may shake; the wind may blow
through it; the storms may enter, the rain may enter,--but the King
of England cannot enter; all his forces dare not cross the threshold
of the ruined tenement!
 -- William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778)
 -- Speech on the Excise Bill
%%
The Poor? The Poor? I love the Poor. Pull!
%%
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be
 happy, the single wish to be married, and the
 married wish to be dead.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
The Pope! How many divisions has he got?
 -- Joseph Stalin (Iossif Vassirionovich Dugachvili, 1879-1953)
 -- Sir Winston Churchill, The Second World War, vol 1,
 -- 'The Gathering Storm' ch. 8. - The Pope
%%
The population is growing.
%%
The porcelain god's name, is 'Ralph.'
%%
The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more
often.
%%
The Porn Queen: Mona Lott
%%
The portcullis flies backwards into a thousand fragments.
Wow. What a stud.
%%
The possibilities for lossage are infinite.
 -- Last sentence of the Micro-Planner Reference Manual
%%
The postage rate is really only 2 cents, the rest is for storage.
%%
The Postal Service is raising its rates for storing mail.
%%
The postman always rings twice.
%%
The post office announced today that it is going to issue a stamp
 commemorating prostitution in the United States. It's a ten-cent stamp, but
 if you want to lick it, it's a quarter.
 -- Chevy Chase
%%
The Post Office is being run like NOBODYS business.
%%
The post office is required to deliver a minimum of two bills per day
to each house. There is no maximum.
%%
The pot calls the kettle black.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xliii
%%
The potential possibilities of any child are the most intriguing and
stimulating in all creation.
 -- Ray L. Wilbur
%%
The powerful punish by lack of interest.
%%
The power is in the network ...(nalimtannako)
%%
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those
 who have not got it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The power of dealing with numbers is a kind of "detached lever"
arrangement which may be put into a mighty poor watch. I suppose it is
about as common as the power of moving ears voluntarily, which is a
moderately rare endowment.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
The power of the Heart is strong.
But luckily the power of my mind is stronger.
%%
The power of thought,--the magic of the mind!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto i, Stanza 8
%%
     The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution
       nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States
      respectively, or to the people.
 -- The Constitution of the United States of America
%%
The powers that be are ordained of God.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans xiii, 1
%%
The power to tax involves the power to destroy.
 -- John Marshall, U.S. Supreme Court, 1819
%%
The Power virus
  Modifies the power supply output to 415V 3ph, which results
  in the whole computer self-destructing.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The practical effect of a belief is the real test of its soundness.
 -- James A. Froude (1818-1894)
%%
The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
%%
The prayer of Ajax was for light.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Goblet of Life
%%
The Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher,
Were each of them once a kiddie.
A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
Do I want one?  God Forbiddie!
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
The preceding discussion by Bob has been OFF TOPIC
%%
The precious porcelain of human clay.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 11
%%
The preeminence of a learned man over a worshiper is equal to the preeminence
of the moon, at the night of the full moon, over all the stars.  Verily, the
learned men are the heirs of the Prophets.
 -- A tradition attributed to Muhammad
%%
... the prejudices people feel about each other disappear when
they get to know each other.
 -- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius," stardate 4372.5.
%%
The present is the only thing that has no end. (Erwin Schrodinger)
%%
The present time has one advantage over every other.  It is our own.
 -- Colton
%%
The present turn made by the White House toward the cold war and
economic blackmail against the Soviet Union and the socialist community
creates a serious threat to Western Europe and Japan for convenient
external energy sources.
 -- TASS, 1980
%%
The preservation of the sacred fire of liberty and the destiny of
the republican model of government are justly considered... deeply,
...finally, staked on the experiment entrusted to the hands of the
American people.
 -- George Washington, First Inaugural Address, Apr. 30, 1789
%%
The President and Mrs. Bush had to pass up a diplomatic reception for one
 of the new Ambassadors the other day....couldn't get anyone to stay with
 the Vice President. Mrs. Bush was quoted as saying "you don't dare leave
 them at home alone at this age," and everyone seems to have understood.
%%
The president has so much good publicity potential that hasn't been
 exploited. He should just sit down one day and make a list of all the
 things that people are embarrassed to do that they shouldn't be embarrassed
 to do, and then do them all on television.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
The President is getting religious and knows what he is doing. This type of
 news is enough to scare the hell out of anyone.
%%
The President is my shepherd, I am in want.  He maketh me to lie down on park
benches, he leadeth me beside still factories, he restoreth my doubt in the
Republican party.  He guideth me to the path of unemployment for his party's
sake.  I am still hungry.  I fear evil for thou art against me.  Thou anointest
my income with taxes, so my expenses runneth over my income.  Surely poverty
and hard living shall follow me all the days of the Republican administration,
and I shall live in a rented house forever.
%%
 The President is not in his office at this time.  Please leave
 your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to
 invade, and the secret password.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
The President of Eastern Airlines is marketing an Airplane Package Kit, the
 kind you ordinarily put together. Only in this instance, the plane comes
 assembled and you break it up and sell the parts.
%%
The President publicly apologized today to all those offended by his
brother's remark, There's more Arabs in this country than there is
Jews!.    Those offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers.
 -- Baltimore, Channel 11 News, on Jimmy Carter
%%
The President scores much better than Bill Clinton.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, comparing Bush's record of
                  marital infidelity to Clinton's during a televised interview
                  with David Frost, 10/92.
%%
"The President's on line one.  He wants to know is everything all right with
the alien space craft from Planet 10 or should he go ahead and destroy Russia?"
"Tell him yes on one, no on two."
"Which was yes, destroy Russia or number two?"
 -- Soldier and Buckaroo Banzai, Buckeroo Banzai - Across the 8th Dimension
%%
The president's weird.  He's got a burgundy beard.  It's a ripoff.
%%
The prestige of the government has undoubtedly been lowered
considerably by the Prohibition law.  For nothing is more destructive
of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing
laws which cannot be enforced.  It is an open secret that the
dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this.
 -- Albert Einstein, 'My first impression of the U.S.A.'
 -- an interview for 'Nieuwe Rotterdamsche Courant' 1921.
 -- Appeared in 'Berliner Tageblatt' July 7, 1921.
 -- Reprinted in 'Ideas and Opinions' published by Bonanza Books
%%
The prettier the flower the farther from the path.
 -- Into the Woods
%%
...the prevailing Catholic odor - incense, wax, centuries of mild
bleating from the lips of the flock.
 -- Thomas S. Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
The priceless finds its price in the greed of man.
%%
The price of Christmas toys is outrageous--a hundred dollars, two hundred
 dollars for video games for the youngsters. I remember a Christmas years
 ago when my son was a kid. I bought him a tank. It was about a hundred
 dollars, a lot of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could
 actually get inside and ride in.

 He played in the box it came in.

 It taught me a very valuable lesson. Next year he got a box. And I got a
 hundred dollars' worth of scotch.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The price of freedom of religion or of speech or of the press is that we
must put up with, and even pay for, a good deal of rubbish.
 -- Justice Robert H. Jackson (1892-1954)
%%
The price of greatness is responsibility.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill, British statesman and prime minister
%%
The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.
 -- Eldridge Cleaver, "Soul on Ice", 1968
%%
The price of justice is eternal publicity.
%%
The price of justice is freedom.
 -- Judge Dredd
%%
The price of liberty is, always has been, and always will be blood:
 the person who is not willing to die for his liberty has already lost
 it to the first scoundrel who is willing to risk dying to violate that
 person's liberty. Are you free?
 -- Andrew Ford
%%
The price of purity is purists.
%%
The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
 -- Mario Cuomo
%%
The price of success in philosophy is triviality.
 -- C. Glymour
%%
The price of wisdom is above rubies.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxviii, 18
%%
The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate
knowledge of its ugly side.
 -- James Baldwin
%%
The priest at Mass said he was not offended that some were looking at their
 watches, but he did become a little upset which some put their watch up to
 their ear to see if it was still running.
%%
The primary aim of all government regulation of economic life of
the community should be, not to supplant the system of private economic
enterprise, but to make it work.
 -- Carl Becker
%%
The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired
warranty.  Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by
changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped
marker.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult
for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
%%
The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind
a pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
The primary purpose of a xylophone is to satisfy the need to put something
on every page of an ABC book.
%%
The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants;
 instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the
 variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used
 instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies
 modifying the program, should the value of pi change.
 -- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
%%
The primary reason that innumeracy is so pernicious is the ease with which
numbers are invoked to bludgeon the innumerate into dumb acquiescence.
%%
The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
%%
The primary theme of SoupCon is communication.  The acronym LEO
represents the secondary theme:

Law Enforcement Officials

The overall theme of SoupCon shall be:

Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials
%%
The Prime Directive is preached by Picard - 2 drinks!
%%
The Prince Charles virus
  Constantly criticises the architecture of your computer
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The prince of darkness is a gentleman.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- The Goblins
%%
The prince of darkness is a gentleman.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
The princeps copy, clad in blue and gold.
 -- John Ferriar (1764-1815)
 -- Illustrations of Sterne, Bibliomania, Line 6
%%
The prince shoots at a hawk on a high wall.
He kills it. Everything serves to further.
%%
The Princess Borghese, Bonaparte's sister, who was no saint, sat to Canova
as a reclining Venus, and being asked if she did not feel a little
uncomfortable, replied, "No. There was a fire in the room."
 -- William Hazlitt, Conversations of James Northcote Esq.R.A.
%%
The prince wants your daughter for his wife.
 Well, tell him his wife can't have her.
 -- Blackadder III
%%
The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the
opening of new frontiers.
%%
The principal's toupee is not a frisbee.
%%
The principle export of the U.S. is money.
%%
The principle of life is that life responds by corresponding;
your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be.
 -- Raymond Charles Barker
%%
The 'principle' of the constancy of the velocity of light is not
merely 'ununderstandable', it is not supported by 'objective matters
of fact'; it is untenable, and, as we shall see, unnecessary... Also
of philosophical import is that with the abandonment of the 'principle'
of the constancy of the velocity of light, the geometries which have
been based on it, with their fusion of space and time, must be denied
their claim to be a true description of the physical world.
 -- Herbert E. Ives,
 -- "Revisions of the Lorentz Transformations", October 27, 1950
%%
The principle whereby politicians screen out a candidate for a position on
 the basis that the candidate lacks moral principle and tone is about as
 rational as selecting members of the Mafia to review materials for
 presentation to a Sunday School class.
%%
The printed word expands to fill the space available
to it.
 -- Parkinson's New Law
%%
The printed word is no guarantee of truth.
%%
The prisoners are given one meal a day.  That meal is a bowl of steam.
 -- Woody Allen, "Take the Money and Run"
%%
The prisoners will not be harmed...until they are found guilty.
 -- Q, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from
other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in
charity we can only call "inhuman."
 -- Raphael Aloysius Lafferty
%%
The privilege of absurdity; to which no living creature is subject
but man only.
 -- Thomas Hobbes
%%
The probability is that tomorrow will not be an extrapolation of today.
 -- Ernest C. Arbuckle
%%
The probability of a disk crash is directly
proportional to the age of your last backup.
 -- Yoshi
%%
The probability of an event's occurring varies directly with the
perversity of the inanimate object involved and inversely with product
of its desirability and the effort expended to produce it.
 -- Walter Mule
%%
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
 -- John W. Hazard, "Changing Times" 1957
%%
The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its
desirability.
 -- Gumperson's Law
%%
 The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and
 receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when
 he is already in the company of:
 (1) a date
 (2) his wife
 (3) a better looking and richer male friend.
 -- Beifeld's Principle
%%
The probability of failure is directly proportional to the anxiety
of the programmer.
%%
The probability of meeting someone you know
 increases when you are with someone you
 don't want to be seen with.
%%
 The probability of one's supervisor entering one's office
unannounced is inversely proportional to the work-relatedness
of the activity one is engaged in at the time.
 -- Opalko's Observation
%%
The probability of your getting lost is directly proportional to the
number of times you are told, "you can't miss it."
 -- Law of Directions
%%
The probability of your word processor crashing is
directly proportional to the amount of unsaved text.
 -- Yoshi
%%
The probability that a given program will perform to expectations is
inversely proportional to the programmer's confidence in his ability to
do the job.
 -- Pennington's Observation
%%
The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the
 support of a cause we believe to be just.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
The problem can't be mine. I am the sysop.
%%
The problem is not that there are problems.  The problem is expecting
otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.
 -- Theodore Rubin
%%
The problem is not whether business will survive in competition with
business, but whether business will survive at all in the face of social
change.
 -- Laurence Joseph McGinley
%%
The problem isn't the wages of sin; it's the witholding.
%%
The problem is - or rather one of the problems, for
  there are many, a sizable proportion of which are
  clogging up the major and most of the minor criminal
   courts of the galaxy - this.  The previous sentence
  makes sense. That is not the problem.  This is:
  Change. Read it through again and you'll get it.
 -- Linda Penington
%%
The problem is that in life you end up with only one of two things:
a) RESULTS, or
b) THE REASONS YOU DID'T GET THEM.
 -- Carl Frederick "est: Playing the Game the New Way"
%%
The problem...is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with.
%%
The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with.
Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil
using other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle
Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats,
etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous
bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons.  None
of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats
developed cancer.
 -- Dave Barry, Postpetroleum Guzzler
%%
The problem of civil society is twofold: how to identify and select
wise rulers, and how to assure that their wisdom will be used for
the benefit of the ruled- or of the common good as distinct from
their private good.
 -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
The problem of narcotics is dreadfully serious. You'd be surprised at the
 people you see in your everyday life who use drugs. I knew a fellow who had
 a habit. Very bad habit. In fact, his habit got so bad I stopped selling to
 him.
 -- Flip Wilson
%%
The problem of our age is the proper administration of wealth, so that
the ties of brotherhood may still bind together the rich and poor in
harmonious relationship.
 -- Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919)
%%
The problems of business administration in general, and database
management in particular are much to difficult for people that think in
IBMese, compounded with sloppy english.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or
cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.  We need
men who can dream of things that never were.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
The problem-solving process will always break down at the point at
which it is possible to determine who caused the problem.
%%
The problem that we face is a collective responsibility in order to
balance on the one hand the competitive enterprise system from which
innovation, entrepreneurship and new products and new processes come
and, on the other hand, a sensible series of restraints.  To try to wish
away one or the other, to say that government can produce the products
and services, or that the enterprise system can take care of the public
good, I think, is misreading the times.
 -- J. Herbert Hollomon
%%
The problem with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
The problem with all the excitement this world furnishes me on a daily
 basis is that most of it is now getting to be just a little boring.
%%
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase
it.
 -- Glaser and Way
%%
The problem with being best man at a wedding is that you never get a
chance to prove it.
%%
The problem with depending on government is that you can't depend on it.
%%
The problem with engineers is that they tend to cheat in order to get
results.

The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy
problems in order to get results.

The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy
problems in order to get results.
%%
The problem with government is it scratches where there ain't no itch.
%%
The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with
 absolutely no talent.
%%
The problem with losing stuff is that it always happens when you're not
 watching. Of course if you were watching I guess the stuff wouldn't get
 lost, would it.
 -- Simon, "The Losers", Eerie Indiana
%%
The problem with majority is that you can't outvote it!
%%
The problem with most conspiracy theories is that they seem to believe
that for a group of people to behave in a way detrimental to the common
good requires intent.
%%
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty
sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
 -- Elizabeth Taylor
%%
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
 -- Henry Cate VII
%%
The problem with public washrooms is,
you have to let the public in.
 -- Rob Campbell
%%
The problem with the cutting edge is that someone has to bleed.
 -- Zalman Stern
%%
The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #05
%%
The problem with the future is it turns into the present.
%%
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
%%
The problem with the human race is it has very low admission standards.
%%
The problem with the Nazis wasn't simply that their leaders were the
evil, psychotic men they were.    But the main problem, I think was
the leader principle.
A man who holds that much power, even with the best intentions, just
can resist the urge to play God.
 -- Kirk and McCoy, "Patterns of Force," stardate 2534.7
%%
The problem with the way many people live their lives is that they spend
 most of their time providing for their old age, to the point where they do
 not live long enough to enjoy it.
%%
The problem with troubleshooting is that real trouble shoots back.
%%
The problem with trying to keep everything a secret
is that eventually you will succeed.
 -- Jen-Hsun Huang
%%
The process of competitively selecting contractors to perform work is based
on a system of rewards and penalties, all distributed randomly.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXIV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The process of delving into the black abyss is to me the keenest form
of fascination.
 -- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
%%
The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation;
it is not the solution to a problem.
 -- G. O. Ashley
%%
The product that will not sell without advertising will not sell
profitable with advertising.
 -- Albert Lasker
%%
The professional quality of the faculty tends to be inversely proportional
to the importance it attaches to space and equipment.
 -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
The professional wizard, it is said, should always watch his hands.
Actually, the truly professional wizard should watch a great many other things
as well, including the reactions of his audience, the door or window that
constitutes the nearest exit, and, perhaps most important, the constantly
fluctuating interest rates on his retirement account in the First Bank of
Vushta.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. VI
%%
The profoundly wise do not declaim against superficial knowledge
in others, as much as the profoundly ignorant.
 -- Colton
%%
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
%%
The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure
thought- stuff. He builds his castles in the air, from air, creating
by exertion of the imagination.  Few media of creation are so
flexible, so easy to polish and rework, so readily capable of
realizing grand conceptual structures.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
 -- Weinberg, p.152
%%
The programmers of old were mysterious and profound. We cannot fathom
their thoughts, so all we do is describe their appearance.

Aware, like a fox crossing the water. Alert, like a general on the
battlefield. Kind, like a hostess greeting her guests. Simple, like
uncarved blocks of wood. Opaque, like black pools in darkened caves.

Who can tell the secrets of their hearts and minds?

The answer exists only in the Tao.
%%
The progression of emancipation of any class usually, if not always,
takes place through the efforts of individuals of that class.
 -- Harriet Martineau
%%
The progress of science and technology are always working to make
our knowledge inadequate or obsolete.
 -- Dennis H. Smith
%%
    The progress of science is often affected more by the
frailties of humans and their institutions than by the
limitations of scientific measuring devices.  The scientific
method is only as effective as the humans using it.  It does
not automatically lead to progress.
 -- Steven S. Zumdahl
%%
The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published.
 -- Parkinson's Sixth Law
%%
The progress toward totalitarianism arose, and keeps arising, because
of society's refusal to be shit.
 -- Kathy Acker
%%
The project engineer will change the design to suit the state-of-the-art.
%%
...the Pro-Life Action League opposes *all* forms of contraception...
 -- Joseph Scheidler, Executive Director, Pro-Life Action League,
      from The Wanderer, August 10, 1989, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking
     For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
The Promised Land always lies on the other side of a Wilderness.
 -- Havelock Ellis
%%
The proof is the phylogeny of plant-animal interactions.
%%
The proof of a system's value is its existence.
%%
The proof of the pudding is the eating.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxiv
%%
The proofs are so obvious that they can be left to the reader.
 -- Lars V. Ahlfors, "Complex Analysis"
%%
The proof that IBM didn't invent the car is that it has a steering wheel
and an accelerator instead of spurs and ropes, to be compatible with a
horse.
 -- Jac Goudsmit
%%
The proper basis for marriage is a mutual misunderstanding.
%%
The proper delivery of medical care is to do as much Nothing as possible.
%%
The proper function of a government is to make it easy for the people
to do good and difficult for them to do evil.
 -- Gladstone (paraphrased)
%%
The proper man understands equity, the small man profits.
 -- Cervantes
%%
The proper way to cook a cockatoo is to put the bird and an axhead into a
 billy. Boil them until the axhead is soft. The cockatoo is then ready to
 eat.
 -- Anonymous
%%
The prototype of all guns was a bow and bullet.
%%
The proud owner of a Pro-43 handheld scanner!
%%
The proud owner of a USRobotics Sportster FaxModem (14.4k/14.4k)!
%%
The Proustian aquarium: grotesque and gorgeous fish drifting with languid fins
through a subaqueous medium of pale violet polluted ink.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The proverbe saith that many a smale maketh a grate.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Persones Tale
%%
The proverbial proprietor provides practical proverbs.
%%
The proverb warns that You should not bite the hand that feeds you.
But maybe you should if it prevents you from feeding yourself.
 -- Thomas Szasz
%%
The prudent man looketh well to his going.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiv, 15
%%
The prudish amputee: Goody One Shoe.
%%
The PS/2 Mod 50 was designed on a Monday.
%%
The PS/2 Model 30-286 was designed on a Monday.
%%
The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's
outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by
mistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club.  Once
tied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims
the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
The public buys its opinions as it buys its meat, or takes in its milk,
on the principle that it is cheaper to do this than to keep a cow.  So
it is, but the milk is more likely to be watered.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
The public demands certainties;  it must be told definitely and a bit
raucously that this is true and that is false.   But there are no certainties.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "Prejudice"
%%
The public doesn't know what it wants.  We offer beautiful things
that we like.
 -- Walter Hoving, former chairman, Tiffany & Co.
%%
The public doesn't want new music; the main thing it demands of a
composer is that he be dead.
 -- Arthur Honegger (1892-1955)
%%
The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything.  Except
what is worth knowing.  Journalism, conscious of this, and having
tradesman-like habits, supplies their demands.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The public interest is best served by the free exchange of ideas.
 -- Judge John Kane, US District Court
%%
The public is a ferocious beast -- one must either chain it up or flee from it.
 -- Voltaire
%%
The Public is merely a multiplied "me".
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The public is not made up of people who get their names in the papers.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
The public weal requires that men should betray and lie and massacre.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. i, Of Profit and Honesty
%%
The pucks stops here, and boy does it hurt!
%%
The Pullman Sleeper: Bertha Buv
%%
The purely agitational attitude is not good enough for a detailed
consideration of a subject.
 -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
The purification of politics is an iridescent dream.
%%
The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear,
but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.
 -- Thomas Babington Macaulay (1800-1859), "History of England"
%%
The purpose and function of government is not to preside over change but to
prevent change. By political methods when unavoidable, by violence when
convenient.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish,
and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten.
The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits.
When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten.
The purpose of words is to convey ideas.
When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten.
Where can I find a man who has forgotten words?
He is the one I would like to talk to.
 -- Chuang Tzu
%%
The purpose of art is to hold a mirror up to life.
Life obviously needs more sleep.
%%
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
 -- R. W. Hamming, "Numerical Methods for Scientists and Engineers", 1973
%%
The purpose of freedom is to create it for others.
 -- Bernard Malamud
%%
"The purpose of having the sun go low in the evenings, in the summer,
especially in parks," said the voice earnestly, "is to make girls' breasts
bob up and down more clearly to the eye. I am convinced that this is the case.
"And I am certain that if one worked the argument through, one would find
that it flowed with perfect naturalness and logic from everything," he
insisted, "that Darwin was going on about. This is certain. This is
indisputable. And," he added, "I love it."
 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
%%
The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
 -- Dick Werthimer
%%
The purpose of satire is to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion
and cozy half-truth. And our business, as I see it, is to put it back again.
 -- Michael Flanders
%%
The purpose of the present course is the deepening and development
of difficulties underlying contemporary theory. . .
 -- A. A. Blasov
%%
The pursuit of knowledge is, I think, mainly actuated by love of power.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
The pursuit of power is the quest for the unattainable
by the unphilosophical though the tactics of the unspeakable.
%%
The pyramid is opening!
Which one?
The one with the ever-widening hole in it!
 -- Firesign Theater, How Can You Be In Two Places
 -- At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All
%%
The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
%%
The QAPR that ate SDRC. See the movie!
%%
The QR/BCC (Queensland Rail/Brisbane City Council) virus
  Runs your real-time clock half an hour late
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The Quaker loves an ample brim,
  A hat that bows to no salaam;
And dear the beaver is to him
  As if it never made a dam.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- All round my Hat
%%
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same
 ones she can't stand years later.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
The quality goes in before the name goes on.
%%
The quality of a blow-job is determined by the
 length of sheet you have to pull out of your ass.
%%
The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
cork makes when it is popped.
 -- Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American
%%
The quality of a department is inversely proportional to the number
of courses it lists in its catalogue.
 -- Professor Joel Hildebrand
%%
The quality of an organization can never exceed the quality of the
minds that make it up.
 -- Harold R. McAlindon
%%
The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment
to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.
 -- Vincent T. Lombardi
%%
The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control.
(The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)
 -- May's Law of Stratigraphy
%%
The quality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is inversely
proportional to the volume of media clamor that brought it on.
 -- G. Ray Funkhouser
%%
The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
'T is mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway,
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's,
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That in the course of justice none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes:
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The quality of mercy is not strained,...
 -- William Shakespeare, The merchant of venice
%%
The quality of the house brand varies inversely with the
size of the supermarket chain.
 -- Law of Supermarkets
%%
The quality of your work will be affected as much by your attitude
as by your skill.
%%
The quantity of rhetoric has been directly proportional to the lack
of action.
 -- Arthur Herzog
%%
The Quark bomb, formerly the Johnny Cyclops bomb, after the President of the
same name...
 -- Whoops Apocalypse
%%
The quarrel is a very pretty quarrel as it stands; we should only
spoil it by trying to explain it.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3, 23, (555.)
%%
The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts
And took them quite away!
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
The question is not, can they reason?  Nor, can they talk?  But, can
they suffer?
 -- Jeremy Bentham, philosopher and animal rights activist
%%
The question is not whether I'm out of my mind, but
what am I doing trapped in yours?
%%
The question is rather: if we ever succeed in making a mind 'of nuts and
 bolts', how will we know we have succeeded?
 -- Fergal Toomey

It will tell us.
 -- Barry Kort
%%
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president?  What is
it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television,
that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of
industrial waste?
 -- Dave Barry, On Presidential Politics
%%
The question may arise, when listening to a public speeker, as to whether
 the speaker has put enough fire into his speech, or whether the speeker has
 put enough of his speech into the fire.
%%
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the
 question of whether a submarine can swim.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
"The question raised by the prospect of President
 Quayle is the same as the question raised by the
 prospect of President Bush and for that matter by
 the reality of President Reagan: How long can a
 great nation afford to have silly leaders?"
 -- Hendrik Hertzberg
%%
The questions remain the same.
The answers are eternally variable.
%%
The question that you will be asked most often in your life is "Do you
want fries with that?"
%%
The question was once put to him, how we ought to behave to our friends;
and the answer he gave was, "As we should wish our friends to behave
to us."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
The question was put to him, what hope is; and his answer was, "The
dream of a waking man."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Aristotle, xi
%%
The question, "Who ought to be boss?" is like asking, "Who ought
to be tenor in the quartet?" Obviously the man who can sing tenor.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
The Quest is the Quest.
 -- The Doctor, "Underworld"
%%
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit
down and look comfortable.
%%
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest, with an axe.
%%
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.
%%
The quickest way to end a war is to lose it.
 -- George Orwell
%%
The quietly pacifist peaceful always die to make room for men who shout.
 -- Alice Walker
%%
The quotes are over, Doctor.
 -- Scorby, Seeds of Doom
%%
The rabbit choked to death on cereal.  I guess Trix *ARE* just for kids.
%%
The race from stupidity is to the driven, not the swift.
%%
The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong.
 -- Ecclesiastes 9:11
%%
The races of the Galaxy look towards mankind as the essential
lunatic element.
%%
The radical novelty in modern science lies precisely in the rejection
of the belief, which is at the heart of all popular religion, that
the forces which move the stars and atoms are contingent upon the
preferences of the human heart.
 -- Walter Lippmann
%%
The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical
invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
%%
The radiologists' national flower is the hedge.
 -- Bernstein's Precept
%%
The rain comes, there is rest.
This is due to the lasting affect of character.
Perseverance brings the woman into danger.
The moon is nearly full.
If the superior man persists,
Misfortune comes.
%%
The Rain falls equally on everybody, But there are some people who have the
best umbrellas....
%%
The rain has such a friendly sound to one who's six feet underground.
 -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
%%
The rain in Spain falls mainly ... down.
%%
The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
 But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
%%
The rancher strings barbed wire across the range, drills wells and bulldozes
stock ponds everywhere, drives off the elk and antelope and bighorn sheep,
poisons coyotes and prairie dogs, shoots eagle and bear and cougar on sight,
supplants the native bluestem and grama grass with tumbleweed, cow shit, cheat
grass, snakeweed, anthills, poverty weed, mud and dust and flies--and then
leans back and smiles broadly at the Tee Vee cameras and tells us how much he
loves the West.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The rankest compound of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
The rank is but the guinea's stamp,
  The man 's the gowd for a' that.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- For a' that an a' that
%%
Therapists are expensive, but friends -- long as you PAY!
%%
Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.
%%
The rarity of genuine feeling in human society sometimes makes me stop
in the street to watch a dog gnawing a bone.
%%
The rate of hospital admissions responds to bed availability.  Or, if we
insist on installing more beds, they will tend to get filled.
 -- Dr. Milton Roemer
%%
The rational hind Costard.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The ratio of the time involved in work to time available for work is
usually about 0.6.
%%
THE RAVENOUS BUGBLATTER BEAST OF TRAAL:
   A mind-bogglingly stupid animal.  It assumes that if you can't see it,
   it can't see you - daft as a brush, but very very ravenous...
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The raytracer of justices recurses slowly, but it renders exceedingly fine.
 -- Larry Phillips (lphillips@lpami.wimsey.bc.ca)
%%
The reader deserves an honest opinion. If he doesn't deserve it, give it to
 him anyhow.
 -- John Ciardi
%%
The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is cursed.
%%
The readiest and surest way to get rid of censure, is to correct
ourselves.
 -- Demosthenes
%%
There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the
convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
%%
There ain't no cure for the summertime blues.
%%
There ain't no justice.
%%
"There ain't no rules around here.  We're trying to accomplish something."
 -- Thomas Edison is alleged to have made this remark about his laboratory
%%
There ain't no sense worrying about what you can control, because
if you can control it, there ain't no sense worrying about it, and
there ain't no sense worrying about what you can't control, because
if you can't control it, there ain't no sense worrying about it.
 -- Mickey Rivers
%%
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
 -- Crane's Law
%%
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch... unless you own the restaurant.
%%
There ain't no such thing as a free weekend.
%%
There ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them
than to travel with them.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "Tom Sawyer Abroad"
%%
The real Amphitryon is the Amphitryon who gives dinners.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Amphitryon, Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
The real answer is always hidden.
%%
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
 -- Dorothy Nevill
%%
The real beauty of democracy is that the average man believes he is
above average.
 -- Morrie Brickman
%%
The real character of a man is found out by his amusements.
 -- Joshua Reynolds
%%
The real curse of sin can be understood by imagining that you are on an
 island with just one other person
 -- Morton Downey.
%%
The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men,
but that men will being to think like computers.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
The real difficulty with my cash flow is that my tide goes out far more
 than it comes in.
%%
The real erosion of civilization as we knew it started with the popularity
 of the self-service gas pump.
%%
The real fight today is against inhuman, relentless exercise of capitalistic
power. The present struggle in which we are engaged is for social
and industrial justice.
 -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
%%
... the real friend... is, as it were, another self.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.) Roman Orator, poet, statesman
 -- De Amicitia (44 B.C.)
%%
The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
 -- Lichtenburg
%%
The real head of the household is the one who has custody of the
remote control.
%%
The reality you have dialed is not in service.
Please check the value of pi or consult your local deity.
%%
The realization that someone is quite unlikely to accept what you freely
 offer to them is one of the greater impulses to really large charity.
%%
The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that
you'll grow out of it.
 -- Doris Day
%%
The really happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery when on a detour.
%%
The REAL masterminds of Iraq; Souter & Neal Bush
%%
The real measure of out wealth is how much we'd be worth
if we lost all our money.
 -- John Henry Jowett
%%
The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all
 you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
 -- Jean Kerr
%%
The real money is in starting your own religion.
 -- L. Ron Hubbard
%%
The real price of everything, what everything really costs to the man
who wants to acquire it, is the toil and trouble of acquiring it.
 -- Adam Smith (1723-1790)
%%
The real problem with Dan Quayle is that no one is sure of his
 qualifications, so no one can speak with any authority about what kind of
 work he is out of, or what is needed for him to find something to do. The
 man seems to have the brain of a four year old child, and I rather suspect
 that the child was happy to get rid of it.
%%
The real problem with fucking a sheep is that you have to walk around
in front every time you want to kiss her.
%%
The real problem with SDI is that it doesn't kill anybody.
 -- Tom Neff
%%
    The real question of government versus private enterprise
is argued on too philosophical and abstract a basis.
Theoretically, planning may be good.  But nobody has ever
figured out the cause of government stupidity-- and until they
do (and find the cure) all ideal plans will fall into
quicksand.
 -- Richard P. Feynman
%%
The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness
whether you like it or not, the ones that make your mind start vibrating
like a jackhammer, the ones that you "come to terms with" only to
discover that they are still there.  The real questions refuse to
be placated.  They barge into your life at the times when it seems
most important for them to stay away.  They are the questions asked
most frequently and answered most inadequately, the ones that reveal
their true natures slowly, reluctantly, most often against your will.
 -- Ingrid Bengis
%%
The real reason psychology is hard is that
psychologists are trying to do the impossible.
%%
The real secret is turning a disadvantage into an advantage.
 -- Riva the Mediator, "Loud as a Whisper", stardate 42477.2
%%
The *Real* Story of the Film So Far...
%%
The real test of an artist, of course, is not whether you can see each blade
 of grass, but whether the eyes follow you across the room.
 -- Stewart Evans
%%
The real thing doesn't advertise.
%%
The real trick to carrying on is not getting carried away.
%%
The real trouble started when we got the contestants mixed up for the
 dumb human tricks and the stupid pet tricks. They look so much alike.
 -- David Letterman
%%
The real trouble with telling a fairly decent story which will make people
 laugh is that someone in the group of listeners will be reminded of another
 story which will completely undo what has just been done.
%%
The real Universe arched sickeningly away beneath them.  Various pretend ones
flitted silently by like mountain goats.  Primal light exploded, splattering
space-time as with gobbets of Jell-O.  Time blossomed, matter shrank away.
The highest prime number coalesced quietly in a corner and hid itself away
forever.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The real value of freedom is not to the minority that wants to talk,
but to the majority, that does not want to listen.
 -- Zechariah Chaffe, Jr. (1885-1957)
%%
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands, but in
seeing with new eyes.
 -- Marcel Proust
%%
The real work of men was hunting meat. The invention of agriculture was a
giant step in the wrong direction, leading to serfdom, cities, and empire.
From a race of hunters, artists, warriors, and tamers of horses, we degraded
ourselves to what we are now: clerks, functionaries, laborers, entertainers,
processors of information.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The real world is a special case.
 -- Horngren's Observation (generalized)
%%
The real world is not user-friendly.
 -- Kelvin Throop
%%
The Reaper Rap:
 You might be a king or a little street sweeper,
 but sooner or later you dance with the reaper!
 -- Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
%%
There appears to be irrefutable evidence that
the mere fact of overcrowding induces violence.
 -- Harvey Wheeler
%%
There are 12,332 people here.  Dog pile on Bob!
%%
There are 32 points to the compass, meaning that there are 32 directions
in which a spoon can squirt grapefruit; yet, the juice almost invariably
flies straight into the human eye.
 -- Louis Sattler
%%
There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
 -- L. M. Boyd
%%
There are 4 kinds of Homicide:  felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
There are a billion people in China.  It's not easy to be an individual
in a crowd of more than a billion people.  Think of it.  More than
a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type
of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.
 -- A. Whitney Brown, _The Big Picture_
%%
There are a couple of things about her I greatly admire.
%%
There are a couple of things a man loses when he gets older.   One's his
memory.  I've forgotten the other.
%%
There are actually five billion types of people in the world, but
aside from the fact that cataloging them would be more exhausting than
exhaustive, this does not allow us to generalize, and is therefore
useless.
%%
There are a few recent issues of "Spelunker Today" magazine here.
%%
There are a few things that never go out of style,
and a feminine woman is one of them.
 -- Ralston
%%
There are a finite number of jokes in the universe.
%%
There are a good number of people who watch delayed action football games
 on television. Already, before they watch, they know who is going to win.
 Of course, what is really bad is when they make bets on the game as they
 are watching it, and lose!
%%
There are all kinds of ways to forestall graduation. Taking a term off,
    getting suspended, not completing courses, all of these are valid.
 -- Zonker Harris
%%
There are a lot of drunk people about to drive home, so drive as fast
as you can.  It's harder for drunk people to hit you.
%%
There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
There are a lot of pigeons in this country. The majority are birds, of
 course, but there are a good number which support Jim and Tammy Bakker,
 Jimmy Swaggart, Jerry Falwell and a few others who are for the birds.
%%
There are a lot of reasons to skydive.  It does take your mind off your
problems.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
There are a lot of women in the world like her.
They use themselves to get what they want.
%%
There are also a lot of nice buildings in Haiphong.  What their
contributions are to the war effort I don't know, but the desire to
bomb a virgin building is terrific.
 -- Commander Henry Urban Jr.
%%
There are always alternatives.
 -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven," stardate 2822.3.
%%
There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
%%
There are always options.
 -- Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
There are a million ways to lose a work day,
but not even a single way to get one back.
 -- Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister, "Peopleware", 1987
%%
There are any number of individuals who know how
 to win, and far fewer who know how to make use of their victories.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
There are as many Communists in the freedom movement as there are
Eskimos in Florida.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
    There are as many styles of magic as there are magicians. While much of
magic is gaudy, noisy, and easily appreciated by the masses, it goes without
saying that some of the finest sorcery is also the most subtle; small, delicate
changes in the fabric of being that often can only be discerned by another
wizard's practiced eye. Occasionally, even a wizard as learned as myself will
experience a twinge of regret that I have not yet conquered some of the most
delicate aspects of my art; that, for example, I have not learned the Eastern
finger magic, where, by the turn of a knuckle, the mage may make the flowers
sing. And perhaps some day my fingers might learn that art, on the day they
become tired from constantly carrying about the large amounts of gold I receive
for performing the more gaudy and noisy magic that pays so well.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. VII
%%
There are a sort of men whose visages
Do cream and mantle like a standing pond.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is
striking at its root.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
There are bars of silver here!
%%
There are bean sprouts here!
%%
There are better information sources than fortune cookies.
%%
There are bugs and then there are bugs.  And then there are bugs.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
There are but three classes of men: the retrograde, the stationary
and the progressive.
 -- Lavater
%%
There are but two refuges from the miseries of life:  music and cats.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
There are certain absolutes, and one of them is the right of humanoids
to a free and unchained environment -- the right to have conditions
which permit growth.
Another is their right to choose that system which seems to work best
for them.
 -- McCoy and Spock, "The Apple," stardate 3715.6
%%
There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair
we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical
joke.
 -- Herman Melville (1819-1891), "Moby Dick"
%%
There are certain things men must do to remain men.
 -- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4929.4.
%%
There are certain universal ideas and concepts common to all intelligent
life.  This device [the universal translator] instantaneously compares
the frequency of brain wave patterns, selects those ideas and concepts
it recognizes, and then provides the necessary grammar.
Then it simply translates its findings into English.
 -- Kirk and Spock, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3219.8
%%
There are charms made only for distant admiration.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
There are coexisting elements in frustrating phenomena which separate
expected results from achieved results.
%%
There are creatures in the universe who would consider you the ultimate
  achievement, android. No feelings, no emotions, no pain. And yet you
  cover those qualities of humanity. Believe me, you are missing nothing.
  But if it means anything to you, you are a better human than I.
 -- Q to Data, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
There are currently two views about intelligent life on other planets in
 our universe. One says that if the folks on other planets are really
 intelligent, they would prefer not having a single thing to do with us. The
 second theory is that there is no intelligent life on other planets. If
 there were, already they would have contacted us to borrow money like
 everyone else. Take your pick!
%%
There are diamonds here!
%%
There are drugs named after us.
%%
There are eight different ways to insert a floppy disk into a drive ...
%%
There are fagots and fagots.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Le Medecin malgre lui, Act i, Sc. 6
%%
There are faint rustling noises from the darkness behind you.
%%
There are faint rustling noises from the darkness behind you. As you
turn turn toward them, the beam of your lamp falls across a bearded pirate.
He He is carrying a large chest. "Shiver me timbers!", he cries. "I've
been been spotted! I'd best hie meself off to the maze to hide me chest!"
With With that, he vanishes into the gloom.
%%
There are few creative forces in the Law, because it is, by nature,
rooted in the past.
 -- William O. Douglas
%%
There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot
endure to be thought so.
%%
There are few people who would not be ashamed of being loved when
they love no longer.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 71
%%
There are few things more threatening than a person equipped with just one
 idea, one direction.
%%
There are few virtues that the Poles do not possess--and there are few
mistakes they have ever avoided.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
There are few wild beasts more to be dreaded than a communicative man
having nothing to communicate.
 -- Christian Nestell Bovee
%%
There are five things that women should never ask men, according to the April
issue of Sassy magazine:
What are you thinking?
Do you love me?
       Do I look fat?
Do you think she's prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

The last is apparently the worst.
%%
There are fortunes that mention the word 'umbrella' for no apparent reason.
%%
There are four great cyphers in the world; he that is lame among
dancers, dumb among lawyers, dull among scholars, and rude amongst
courtiers.
 -- Bishop Earle
%%
There are four kinds of people: those who sit quietly and do nothing,
those who talk about sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do
things, and those who talk about doing things.
%%
There are four things that you can do with the
hurts that come into your life: nurse them; curse
them; rehearse them; or reverse them.
%%
There are glimpses of heaven to us in every act, or thought, or word,
that raises us above ourselves.
 -- Arthur P. Stanley
%%
    There are hidden contradictions in the minds of people who
"love Nature" while deploring the "artificialities" with which
"Man has spoiled 'Nature.'" The obvious contradiction lies in
their choice of words, which imply that Man and his artifacts
are _not_ part of "Nature"-- but beavers and their dams _are_.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
 -- Time Enough For Love
%%
There are in business three things necessary- knowledge, temper and time.
 -- Feltham
%%
There are in this country two very large monopolies.  The larger of the two
has the following record:  The Vietnam War, Watergate, double-digit inflation,
fuel and energy shortages, bankrupt airlines, and the 8-cent postcard.     The
second is responsible for such things as the transistor, the solar cell,
lasers, synthetic crystals, high fidelity stereo recording, sound motion
pictures, radio astronomy, negative feedback, magnetic tape, magnetic
"bubbles", electronic switching systems, microwave radio and TV relay
systems, information theory, the first electrical digital computer, and
the first communications satellite.  Guess which one is going to tell the
other how to run the telephone business?  I can hardly wait for the results.
%%
There are lies, damned lies, and benchmarks!
%%
There are lies, damn lies, and environmentalists.
%%
There are lots of folks who seem well enough able to rise to a situation,
 but some damn fools can never sit down at the right time.'
%%
There are lots of folks who wouldn't trust Jim Bakker with even so much as
 the sole of their shoe.
%%
There are lots of good women who, when they get to heaven, will watch
to see if the Lord goes out nights.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
There are many aspects of human irrationality I do not yet comprehend.
  Obsession, for one.  The persistent single-minded fixation on one idea.
 -- Spock, "Obsession," stardate 3619.6.
%%
There are many coins here!
%%
There are many happy citizens in Alpha complex.  All of them have laser
pistols.  Aren't you glad you have your laser pistol?  Won't this be fun?"
 -- the rulebook for 'Paranoia', a roleplaying game.
%%
There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
There are many highly successful businesses in the United States. There are
also many highly paid executives. The policy is not to intermingle the two.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XIII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
There are many inside dopes in politics and government.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
There are many intelligent species in the universe.  They all have cats.
%%
There are many intelligent species in the universe.
They are all owned by cats.
%%
There are many kinds of people in the world.  Are you one of them?
%%
There are many marvellous stories told of Pherecydes. For it is said
that he was walking along the seashore at Samos, and that seeing a
ship sailing by with a fair wind, he said that it would soon sink;
and presently it sank before his eyes. At another time he was drinking
some water which had been drawn up out of a well, and he foretold
that within three days there would be an earthquake; and there was
one.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pherecydes, ii
%%
There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal friend.
%%
There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal
friend.  They may know something that we don't.  They are probably
avoiding a great deal of pain.
%%
There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
There are many shining qualities in the mind of man, but there is
none so useful as discretion; it is this, indeed, that gives a value
to all the rest, which sets them to work in their proper times and
places, and turns them to the advantage of the person who is possessed
of them. Without it, learning is pedantry, and wit impertinence;
virtue itself looks like weakness; the best parts only qualify a
man to be more sprightly in errors, and active to his own principle.
 -- Addison
%%
There are many stages to a man's life.  In the first stage, he is young and
 eager, like a beaver.  In the second stage, he wants to build things, like
 dams, and maybe chew down some trees.  In the third stage, he feels trapped,
 and then ``skinned.''  I'm not sure what the fourth stage is.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
There are many things to be remembered when making friends with the animals
 in the zoo. In the first place they dislike gloves, and a gloved hand is
 far more likely to be bitten than a naked one.
 -- Helen M. Sidebotham
%%
There are many truths of which the full meaning cannot be realized
until personal experience has brought it home.
%%
There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
There are many ways to say "I love you", but fucking is the fastest.
%%
There are many who are uncomfortable with what we have created.  It is
almost a biological rebellion.  A profound revulsion against the planned
communities, the programming, the sterilized, artfully balanced
atmospheres.  They hunger for an Eden, where spring comes.
We all do.  The cave is deep in our memories.
 -- Spock and Kirk, "The Way to Eden," stardate 5832.3
%%
There are men that will make you books, and turn them loose into the
world, with as much dispatch as they would do a dish of fritters.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. iii
%%
There are millions of stories in the Naked Echo.
%%
There are mode important things around this lab than writing computer
programs, you know!
 -- Marty Conner, August 1982
%%
There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual
labour.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
There are more dead people than living.  And their numbers are
increasing.  The living are getting rarer.
%%
There are more horses' asses in this world than there are horses.
 -- Grandma Soderquist's conclusion
%%
 There are more horse's asses than horses.
 -- Soderquist's Paradox
%%
There are more horses' backsides in the military service of the United
States than there are horses.
 -- Robert J. Clark
%%
There are more of them than us.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
There are more people who wish to be loved than there are who are
willing to love.
 -- Sebastian Roch Nicolas Chamfort
%%
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
 -- Muhammad Ali
%%
There are more stars known to exist right now than the total number
of all the grains of sand on every beach in the entire world. With
those kinds of odds, it would seem downright naive for someone to
go to a beach in, say, some out-of-the-way inlet in Baffin Bay, stoop
to pick up only one tiny grain of sand, and declare that that grain
alone was the only place where life could exist.
 -- Hugh Downs
%%
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
There are more things in heaven and earth than any place else.
%%
'There are more things than just looks.'  - this only applies if you're going
to marry someone.  Then you want her to be hot AND intelligent, so that you can
produce socially-acceptable smart kids.
I hate kids.  Kids like snow.  I hate snow.
 -- Rob Liebscher,  3/14/93
%%
There are more ways into the woods than out.
%%
There are more ways of killing a cat than buttering it
with parsnips
%%
There are more ways of killing a cat than choking it with cream.
%%
There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
%%
There are never enough hours in a day,
but always too many days before Saturday.
 -- Hanson's Treatment of Time
%%
There are nine and sixty ways of constructing tribal lays,
 And - every - single - one - of - them - is - right!
%%
There are nine ways of poaching eggs, and each of them is worse than the
 other.
 -- Robert Lynd
%%
There are no accidents.  God's just trying to remain anonymous.
 -- Brett Butler's unnamed friend
%%
There are no accidents--only plans other people don't tell you about.
%%
There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.
 -- Baba Ram Dass
%%
There are no answers at best a few possibly good guesses.
%%
There are no answers, only cross references.
 -- Weiner's Law of Libraries
%%
There are no atheists in the bottom of a foxhole.
%%
There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
%%
There are no dangerous thoughts; thinking itself is dangerous.
%%
There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axis
are chosen correctly.
%%
There are no easy matters that will come to you as president. If they are
 easy they will be settled at a lower level.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower (to John F. Kennedy)
%%
There are no edges. Only the places where things meet.
%%
There are no errors in this book, except this one.
%%
There are no ESC keys on prison PCs.
%%
There are no eternal facts as there are no absolute truths.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
There are no facts, only interpretations.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
There are no failures at a class reunion.
 -- Springer's Observation
%%
There are no failures of talent, only failures of character.
%%
There are no foolish questions and no man becomes a fool until he has
stopped asking questions.
 -- Charles P. Steinmetz
%%
There are no games on this system.
%%
There are no giant crabs in here, Frank.
%%
There are no greater wretches in the world than many of those whom
people in general take to be happy.
 -- Seneca
%%
There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men
are forced by circumstances to meet.
 -- Admiral William Halsey
%%
There are no illegitimate children -- only illegitimate parents.
 -- Judge Leon R. Yankwich
 -- Decision in Zipkin v. Mozon, June 1928
%%
There are no lazy veteran lion hunters.
 -- Augustine's Law Number III
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
There are no letters in your out basket.
%%
There are no liberals behind steering wheels.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
There are no mistakes.  The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter
how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn;
whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've
chosen to go.
 -- Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever
%%
There are no more bugs.  ///\oo/\\\   ///\oo/\\\
%%
There are none more abusive to others than they that lie most open
to it themselves; but the humor goes round, and he that laughs at
me today will have somebody to laugh at him tomorrow.
 -- Seneca
%%
There ARE no nice compters.
%%
There are no other colours without the blues.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
There are no passengers on spaceship earth.  We are all crew.
 -- Marshall McLuhan
%%
There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
There are no perfect men of course,
but some are more perfect than others,
and we can use all of those we can get.
 -- Merle Shain
%%
There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the
existence of a hottest part implies a temperature difference, and any
marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat
engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool.    This is
obviously impossible.
 -- Richard Davisson
%%
There are no rules for March.
March is spring, sort of, usually, March means maybe, but don't bet on it.
%%
There are no rules of architecture for castles in the sky.
%%
There are no saints, only unrecognized villains.
%%
There are no secrets to success.
It is the result of preparation,
hard work, learning from failure.
 -- General Colin Powell
%%
There are no simple answers, only big challenges.
%%
There are no skeptics in hell.
%%
There are no straight lines in space.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
There are no strangers here - only friends we have not met.
%%
There are no stupid questions, except for the ones you ask.
%%
There are no stupid questions, just stupid answers.
%%
There are no such things as applied sciences, only applications of science.
 -- Louis Pasteur
%%
There are no such things as limits to growth, because there are no
limits on the human capacity for intelligence, imagination and wonder.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
There are no teachers -- only students.
%%
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to
enforce a law not supported by the people.
 -- Hubert H. Humphrey
%%
There are not enough storage registers to solve the problem.
 -- John L. Shelton
%%
There are no traffic jams when you go the extra mile.
%%
There are no ugly loves, nor handsome prisons.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
There are no unimportant acts of kindness.
%%
There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.
%%
There are no warlike people - just warlike leaders.
%%
There are no winners in life; only survivors.
%%
There are no wrong notes.
 -- Thelonious Monk
%%
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
There aren't enough O's in Smoooooooth to describe it...
%%
There are occasions when it is undoubtedly better to incur loss than
to make gain.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Captivi, Act ii, Sc. 2, 77, (327.)
%%
There are only 2000 real people in the world.
The rest are bad special effects.
%%
There are only 2 enterprises that refer to their customers as
users, and one is illegal
 -- Michael Hammer
%%
There are only 3 lawyer jokes - the rest are fact!
%%
There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her,
 suffer for her, or turn her into literature.
 -- Lawrence Durrell
%%
There are only two emotions in Wall Street: fear and greed.
%%
There are only two kinds of books--good books and the others. The good are
winnowed from the bad through the democracy of time.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There are only two kinds of people who fail:
those who listen to nobody... and those who listen to everybody.
 -- Bershere's Formula for Failure
%%
There are only two kinds of tequila.  Good and better.
%%
There are only two mistakes one can make along the
road to truth: (1) not going all the way; and
(2) not starting.
 -- Buddha
%%
There are only two places where time takes precedent over the job to
be done; school and prison.
 -- William Glasser
%%
There are only two really important things in life:
 1. Sex
 2. (well it's not really that important)
 -- Woody Allen
%%
There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable
diseases and his mother's age.
 -- Benjamin Spock
%%
There are only two things to worry about. Either you are well or you are
 sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if you are
 sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well or you
 will die! If you get well there is nothing to worry about. If you die there
 are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell.
 If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go to
 hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have
 time to worry.
%%
There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats.
%%
There are only two ways by which to rise in this world, either by
one's own industry or by the stupidity of others.
 -- Jean de LaBruyere (1645-1696)
%%
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a
miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
There are people so addicted to exaggeration
that they can't tell the truth without lying.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row;
In China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find
nothing odd about it.
 -- Calvin Trillin
%%
There are people who stictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable,
drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation.
They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How
strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has
gone dry.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
%%
There are people with no more brains than you, but they have
 one thing you don't have...they have a diploma!
 -- The Wizard of Oz
%%
...there are periods of history when the visions of madmen and dope fiends
are a better guide to reality than the common-sense interpretation of data
available to the so-called normal mind.  This is one such period,
if you haven't noticed already.
 -- The Illuminatus! Trilogy
%%
There are periods when the principles of experience need to be modified,
 when hope and trust and instinct claim a share with prudence in the
    guidance of affairs, when, in truth, to dare, is the highest wisdom
 -- William Ellery Channing, "The Union"
%%
There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country.  The trouble
is they cost a quarter.  What the country really needs is a good
five-cent nickel.
 -- Franklin Pierce Adams (1881-1960)
%%
There are plenty of UFO's, in Washington, D.C, today, right now!
UFO = Unprincipled Federal Officials.
%%
There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and
all other occupations should be open to everyone.
 -- Gloria Steinem
%%
There are really very few things quite as embarrassing as laughing at the
 joke to boss told, only to find out that he wasn't telling a joke!
%%
There are revolutions that are sweeping the world and we in America have
been in a position of trying to stop them.  With all the wealth of
America, with all of the military strength of America, those revolutions
are revolutions against a form of political and economic organization in
the countries of Asia and the Middle East that are oppressive.        They are
revolutions against feudalism. (1952)
 -- Justice William O. Douglas (1898-1980)
%%
    There are. . . scientific works-- star catalogues, for
example-- which are not art; but the theoretical structures of
Gauss, Einstein, or Maxwell are original, individual, "very
personal" responses and expressions of exactly the same kind
as the creative works of Beethoven or Dostoievski.
 -- James R. Newman
%%
There are scores of thousands of sects who are ready at a moment's
notice to reveal the will of God on every possible subject.
%%
There are several Charles IV doubloons dated 1790 here!
%%
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is
 cowardice.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them
 unsatisfactory.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
There are Several Ways to Beat the Heat of Summer:

 1. Think Cool. Act Cool. Live in a Cave!
 2. Don't listen to any weather programs or read forecasts in the paper.
 3. Get a job at the local ice plant, but not in the office, cause things
     can heat up there.
 4. Phone someone in the far North of Canada.
 5. Put your feet in plastic bags filled with ice cubes.
 6. Think of how they freeze dry your coffee.
 7. Sit on a snow cone.
 8. Stick a garden hose in your pants, and remember to turn on the water,
    since this will help. (In former times this suggestion applied only to
    men, but today it is unisex!)
 9. Hum to yourself, something with regard to snow or frosty or Christmas.
10. Drink three to five rum coolers, undiluted. You won't even know it is
    warm. (By the way, what does it mean to be "unisex?")
%%
There are so many bonds that hold us together.  Your government bonds,
your savings bonds, your Liberty bonds.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
There are so many bugs in our embassy in Moscow it is time for us to send
 over a new ambassador -- the Orkin man.
%%
There are so many drinks that are yet to be drunk.
%%
There are so many earthquakes and tornados that we don't even
recognize them as signs.
 -- Mark E. Petersen
%%
There are so many sweet touches I've yet to endure.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
There are so many upgrades, I am bankrupt.
%%
There are some bits at the end of the course I don't really
 understand, but the students don't normally get that far.
%%
There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. xxx, Of Cannibals
%%
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from
any man, and one of them is listening to the Bramhs Requiem.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
There are some feelings time cannot benumb,
Nor torture shake.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 19
%%
There are some good people in it, but the orchestra as a whole is equivalent
 to a gang bent on destruction.
 -- John Cage, composer
%%
        There are some goyisha names that just about guarantee that
someone isn't Jewish.  For example, you'll never meet a Jew named
Johnson or Wright or Jones or Sinclair or Ricks or Stevenson or Reid or
Larsen or Jenks.  But some goyisha names just about guarantee that
every other person you meet with that name will be Jewish.  Why is
this?
        Who knows?  Learned rabbis have pondered this question for
centuries and have failed to come up with an answer, and you think you
can find one?     Get serious.  You don't even understand why it's
forbidden to eat crab -- fresh cold crab with mayonnaise -- or lobster
 -- soft tender morsels of lobster dipped in melted butter.  You don't
even understand a simple thing like that, and yet you hope to discover
why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz?  Fat Chance.
 -- Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish
%%
There are some heavily damaged batteries here.
%%
There are some keys on the ground here.
%%
There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both
 plants and animals. When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis;
 and when the lights go out, they turn into animals. But then again,
 don't we all?
%%
There are some people that, if they don't know, you can't tell them. You
 can tell a teacher as far as you can see one, but you can't tell them much.
%%
There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell
em.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
There are some people who read too much: the bibliobibuli. I know some who are
constantly drunk on books, as other men are drunk on whiskey or religion. They
wander through this most diverting and stimulating of worlds in a haze, seeing
nothing and hearing nothing.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
There are some people who take a nickel's worth of knowledge and sit on it
 as if it were an Incan treasure.
 -- unknown
%%
There are some politicians who, if their constituents were cannibals,
would promise them missionaries for dinner.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
There are some really dumb folks around. There was this guy that caught a
 terrible cold, sitting in his car, waiting for the ticket booth to open at
 the Drive-In Theater. The feature, on the board "Opening in the Spring."
%%
There are some remedies which
 are far excessive of the disease they cure.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
There are some remedies worse than the disease.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 301
%%
There are some strings. They're just not attached.
%%
There are some things about you that I like;
I just can't put my fingers on them.
%%
There are some things only intellectuals are crazy enough to believe.
 -- George Orwell
%%
There are some things that are impossible to do,
but it is impossible to know what they are.
 -- Corollary to Murphy's Law
%%
There are some things that are so serious that you have to laugh at them.
 -- Niels Bohr
%%
There are some things which men confess with ease, and others with difficulty.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Of Inconsistency,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xxi
%%
There are some things worth dying for.
 -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3201.7.
%%
There are some who bear a grudge even to those that do them good.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- A Religious Doctor, Chap. iii, Fable vi
%%
There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.
 -- Robert Half
%%
There are souls which fall from heaven like flowers, but ere they
bloom are crushed under the foul tread of some brutal hoof.
 -- Richter
%%
There are sparks coming out of the printer. Is that normal?
%%
There are spices all over the place here. It really stinks!
%%
There *are* standards.  If you can't see one, you *make* one and
 stick to it come Hell or high water -- until you see a BETTER one.
 -- John Gaunt, aka GRIMJACK
%%
There are still quite a few of us who remember when you could get a fairly
 good high school education without completing college.
%%
There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life
is the process of discovering them over and over and over.
 -- David Nichols
%%
There are things on heaven and earth, Horatio, Man was not meant to know.
 -- Hamlet
%%
There are things that are known and things that are unknown. In between
    are doors.
 -- William Blake
%%
There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them
 -- Heisenberg
%%
There are things worse than a public speaker with a three word thought, a
 three minute vocabulary and a three hour speech, but I have not been able
 to think of any over the last three days.
%%
There are those that are born to be on top and those that are born
to be on bottom. Like officers and soldiers.
 -- Sergeant Traub
%%
There are those that say, and those that do.
 -- Andrew Campbell
%%
There are those who argue that everything breaks even... I suppose
that because the rich man gets ice in the summer and the poor man
gets it in the winter things are breaking even for both.
 -- Bat Masterson
%%
There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells
 and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated
 pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving
 them parched for wonder. There are also those who believe that if you
 stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your
 intelligence.
 -- "The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII"
%%
There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why...
I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?
 -- Robert Francis Kennedy, 1968 presidential campaign
%%
There are three early signs of old age.
The first is loss of short-term memory, and ...
I don't remember the other two!
%%
There are three faithful friends -- an old wife, an old dog and ready money.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
There are three great questions which in life we have over and over
again to answer:  Is it right or wrong?  Is it true or false?
Is it beautiful or ugly?
Our education ought ot help us to answer these
questions.
 -- John Lubbock
%%
There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the
three form a rising scale of compliment: (1) - to tell him you have read
one of his books; (2) - to tell him you have read all of his books; (3) - to
ask him to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1
admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3
carries you clear into his heart.
%%
There are three ingredients to the good life; learning, earning, and yearning.
 -- Christopher Darlington Morley
%%
There are three kinds of death in this world.  There's heart death,
there's brain death, and there's being off the network.
 -- Guy Almes
%%
There are three kinds of friends: best friends, guest friends, and
pest friends.
%%
There are three kinds of kisses: peach, plum, and alfalfa.
 -- Tom Hyde
%%
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
 -- [attributed to] Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
%%
There are three kinds of memory--good, bad, and convenient.
%%
There are three kinds of people: men, women, and unix.
%%
There are three kinds of people you will have to deal with in life,
fools, damn fools, and sons of lady dogs.
 -- N. G. Herreschoff (Designer of six America's Cup defenders)
%%
There are three kinds of researchers: Those who can do math and those
who cannot.
 -- Tom Rusk Vickery
%%
There are three parts in truth: first, the inquiry, which is the wooing
of it; secondly, the knowledge of it, which is the presence of it; and
thirdly, the belief, which is the enjoyment of it.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
There are three possibilities: Pioneer's solar panel has turned away
 from the sun; there's a large meteor blocking transmission; or someone
 loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor.
%%
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be
offered: entertainment, food, and affection.  It is customary to begin
a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount
of food, and the merest suggestion of affection.  As the amount of
affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately.
When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.
Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
 -- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour
%%
There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and
engineers.   While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far
the more certain.
 -- Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800
%%
There are three roads to ruin: women, gambling, and technicians. The most
 pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is
 with technicians.
 -- Georges Pompidou
%%
There are thre erors in this tagline.
%%
There are three rules for writing a novel.  Unfortunately, no one knows
what they are.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
There are three schools of magic.  One:  State a tautology, then ring
the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy.  Two:  Record many
facts.  Try to find a pattern.  Then make a wrong guess at the next
fact; that's science.  Three:  Be aware that you live in a malevolent
Universe controlled by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's
Factor; that's engineering.
%%
There are three side effects of acid.  Enchanced long term memory,
 decreased short term memory, and I forget the third.
 -- Timothy Leary
%%
There are three sides to every argument:
your side, my side and the right side.
%%
There are three sides to every story- yours, mine, and all that lie between.
 -- Jody kern
%%
There are three stages in the killing of the astrophysicist:
   (1) the early stage, when his body successfully resists the tidal forces;
   (2) the intermediate stage, when it is gradually succumbing; and
   (3) the final stage, when it has been completely overwhelmed.
 -- The fate of a man who falls into the singularity at r = 0
                  _Gravitation_
%%
There are three things extremely hard: Steel, a diamond, and to know
one's self.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
There are three things I always forget. Names, faces --
 the third I can't remember.
 -- Italo Svevo
%%
There are three things I have always loved and never understood:
Art, music, and women.
%%
There are three things I've learned not to discuss
 with people: Religion, Politics, and the Great Pumpkin.
 -- Linus from PEANUTS
%%
There are three things that come next, uh four...
%%
There are three types of people in this world:  those who can count,
and those who cannot.
 -- Carl G. Hostnik
%%
There are three ways to get something done:
 (1) Do it yourself.
 (2) Hire someone to do it for you.
 (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
%%
There are times, Sir, when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow
  orders. You acknowledge their sentience, but you ignore their personal
  liberties...and freedom. Order a man to hand his child over to the
  state. Not while I'm his Captain.
 -- Picard to Admiral Haftel, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
There are times when even the best manager is like the little boy
with the big dog waiting to see where the dog wants to go so he can take him
there.
 -- Lee Iacocca
%%
There are times when I long for a Klingon woman.
 -- Worf
%%
There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is
one of them.
%%
There are times when you have to choose between being human and
having good taste.
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
There are truths which are not for all men, nor for all times.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Letter to Cardinal de Bernis, April 23, 1761
%%
There are truths which can kill a nation.
%%
There are two birds in the tree of life. One eats. The other watches.
%%
There are TWO 'B's in BBS, not one....
%%
There are two cardinal sins from which all the others spring:
impatience and laziness.
 -- Franz Kafka
%%
There are two days about which nobody should ever hurry,
and these are yesterday and tomorrow.
 -- Robert Jones Burdette, clergyman and humorist
%%
There are two distinct sorts of what we call bashfulness; this, the awkwardness
of a booby, which a few steps into the world will convert into the pertness of
a cox comb; that, a consciousness, which the most delicate feelings produce,
and the most extensive knowledge cannot always remove.
 -- Mackenzie
%%
There are two error in this sentence.
%%
There are two groups of people in the world now. Those that get
 pathetically drunk in public--and the rest of us poor bastards who are
 expected to drive these pinheads home.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet. Two clarinets.
%%
There are two kinds are art: (1) decorative, nonobjective, wallpaper art; and
(2) art with a moral purpose.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There are two kinds of books: those that no one reads and those that no one
ought to read.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
There are two kinds of egotists: 1) Those who admit it  2) The rest of us
%%
There are two kinds of failures:
 the man who will do nothing he is told,
 and the man who will do nothing else.
 -- Perle Thompson
%%
There are two kinds of fools. One says, "This is old, therefore it
is superior." The other says, "This is new, therefore it is better."
%%
There are two kinds of guys in the South--good ol' boys and rednecks. The
 difference is, good ol' boys may raise livestock, rednecks get emotionally
 involved.
 -- Blake Clark
%%
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who
know the judge.
%%
There are two kinds of people I cannot abide: bigots and any well-organized
ethnic group.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those we love, and those
we don't understand.
%%
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are
  two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
 -- Benchley's Law of Distinction
%%
There are two kinds of people in this world:
those who can get any job they want, and white males.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start
 and so on.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
There are two kinds of people: those who'll argue over anything and
 those who'll argue over nothing.
%%
There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: "passive" systems collect the
sunlight that hits your home, and "active" systems collect the sunlight that
hits your neighbors' homes, too.
 -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
%%
There are two kinds of statistics,
the kind you look up
and the kind you make up.
 -- Rex Stout, mystery writer
%%
There are two kinds of tape:
The one that won't stay on, and the one that won't come off.
 -- Corollary to Murphy's Law
%%
There are two kinds of taste, the taste for emotions of surprise and the
taste for emotions of recognition.
 -- Henry James, Partial Portraits
%%
There are two kinds of truth, small truth and great truth. You can
recognize a small truth because its opposite is a falsehood. The opposite
of a great truth is another truth.
 -- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
%%
There are two kinds of worries--those you can do something about and those
 you can't. Don't spend any time on the latter.
 -- Nat Hentoff (from Duke Ellington)
%%
There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.  One is roots.
 The other is wings.
 -- Hodding Carter, Jr.
%%
There are two main periods in which your elected representatives to the
 legislature do not do any business. One is before the election and the
 other is after the election.
%%
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.  We don't
 believe this to be a coincidence.
 -- Jeremy S. Anderson
%%
There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight
 in Los Angeles.
 -- Neil Simon
%%
There are two modes of acquiring knowledge, namely reasoning and experience.
Reasoning draws a conclusion and makes us grant the conclusion, but does not
make the conclusion certain, not does it remove doubt so that the main may
rest on the intuition of truth, unless that mind discovers it by the path of
experience.
 -- Roger Bacon
%%
There are two real incentives toward reducing your weight during the summer
 season. One is a swim suit that all too easily shows where the bulges are
 that should't be, and the other is that lawn chair that gets up when you
 do, and goes with you!
%%
There are two rules for success: 1) Never tell everything you know.
 -- Roger H. Lincoln
%%
There are two schools of thought on Nostradamus: either (1) he had
 supernatural powers which enabled him to prophesy the future with uncanny
 accuracy, or (2) he did for bullshit what Stonehenge did for rocks.
 -- Cecil Adams, _The Straight Dope_
%%
There are two sentences inscribed upon the Delphic oracle, hugely
accommodated to the usages of man's life: "Know thyself", and "Nothing
too much"; and upon these all other precepts depend.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Consolation to Apollonius
%%
There are two sides to every argument,
unlessa person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
 -- Cutler Webster's Law
%%
There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
%%
There are two sides to every question.
 -- Protagoras (410 BC)
%%
There are two solutions - hardware or software.
%%
There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither
 of them works.
 -- Charlie Lau
%%
There are two things a real man likes, danger and play. That's why
he likes women, they are the most dangerous of playthings.
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
%%
There are two things in life for which we are never fully prepared, and
that is -- twins.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
There are two things John and I always do when we're going to sit down and
 write a song.  First of all we sit down.  Then we think about writing a song.
 --  Paul McCartney.
%%
There are two things on earth that are universal, hydrogen
and stupidity.
 -- Zappa's Law
%%
There are two things that a grown man should never see; sausage being
made, and legislation being passed
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
There are two things that are extremely important in politics. The first is
 money and I'll be hanged if I can remember what the second one is.
%%
There are two things that one must get used to or one will find life
 unendurable: the damages of time and injustices of men.
 -- Nicolas Chamfort
%%
There are two things that won't last in this world: dogs chasing cars and
 pros putting for pars.
 -- Lee Trevino
%%
There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what  you want,
 and after that to enjoy it.
 Only the wisest of people achieve the second.
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith
%%
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he
 can't afford it, and when he can.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
There are two tragedies in life.  One is not to get your heart's desire.
The other is to get it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
There are two types of coaches.  Them that have just been fired, and
them that are going to be fired.
 -- Bum Philips, Houston Oilers Coach
%%
There are two types of computer users in the world...
 those that have lost data, and those that are going to.
%%
There are two types of people in this world, those who crack their
 knuckles, and those who would like to crack those who crack their knuckles.
%%
There are two types of people in this world - Those who want to control
and those who want to be controlled.
%%
There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well,
here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
 -- Frederick L. Collins
%%
There are two types of people: those who divide people into
two types, and those who don't.
 -- Barth's Distinction
%%
"There are two types - those who hate the 8086 architecture, and liars."
 -- ...understanding Intel Architecture...
%%
There are two universes:  for males, and for females.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
There are two was to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to
 doubt everything.   Both ways save us from thinking.
 -- Alfred Korzybski
%%
    There are two ways of constructing a software design:  One
way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no
deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated
that there are no obvious deficiencies.  The first method is
far more difficult.
 -- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
%%
There are two ways of disliking art.
One is to dislike it.
The other is to like it rationally.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is
to read Pope.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
There are two ways of exerting one's strength:
one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
 -- Booker T. Washington
%%
There are two ways of getting the ball - one way is from your own players,
 and that's the only way.
%%
There are two ways of meeting difficulties:
you alter the difficulties,
or you alter yourself to meet them.
 -- Phyllis Bottome
%%
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that
 reflects it.
 -- Edith Wharton
%%
There are two ways of teaching people:
You can teach them how to think,
or you can teach them what to think.
Socrates taught people how to think,
Jesus taught people what to think....
and look what happened to them.
%%
There are two ways to get rich: You can make more or require less.
%%
There are two ways to handle women, and I know neither.
%%
There are two ways to improve on human factors in computing:
Make the programmers less stupid and/or make the users less stupid.
Both are necessary, neither are likely.
 -- Digital Teddy Bear
%%
There are two ways to kill a good idea. Take it to a meeting for one, and
 turn it over to a committee, for the second.
%%
There are two ways to write error-free programs.
 Only the third one works.
%%
There are unguarded entrances to any human mind.
%%
There are usually thousands of things you would like to be doing over the
 thing that you are currently doing which was one of the things you thought
 you would prefer before you did it and found out that your preferences had
 changed.
%%
There are very few original thinkers in the world; the greatest part
of those who are called philosophers have adopted the opinions of
some who went before them.
 -- Dugald Stewert
%%
There are very few people who don't become more interesting when they stop
talking.
%%
There are very few problems which can't be solved by
ripping a hole in reality.
%%
There are very honest people who do not think that they have had a
bargain unless they have cheated a merchant.
 -- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
There are vicissitudes in all things.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2, 45, (276.)
%%
There are ways of managing without cuts, but I do not think the present
Government is going to find them.
%%
There are women and women, and some hold you tight.
While some leave you counting the stars in the night.
 -- Bernie Taupin
%%
There are worse things in life than death.  Have you ever spent an
  evening with an insurance salesman?
 -- Woody Allen
%%
There ariseth a little cloud out of the sea, like a man's hand.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 1 Kings xviii, 44
%%
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress
depends on the unreasonable man.
 -- George Bernard Shaw, Maxims for Revolutionists
%%
The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
%%
The reason Congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would hate to
have to make a living under laws they've passed.
%%
The reason ESP, for example, is not considered a viable topic in
contemporary psychology is simply that its investigation has not
proven fruitful...After more than 70 years of study, there still does
not exist one example of an ESP phenomenon that is replicatable under
controlled conditions.        This simple but basic scientific criterion has
not been met despite dozens of studies conducted over many
decades...It is for this reason alone that the topic is now of little
interest to psychology...In short, there is no demonstrated phenomenon
that needs explanation.
 -- Keith E. Stanovich, "How to Think Straight About Psychology", pp. 160-161
%%
The reason for the rush is the delay
conversely, the reason for the delay is the rush.
 -- Litt's Paradox of Deadlines
%%
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they
 have a common enemy.
 -- Sam Levenson
%%
The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is that it's easier to
 go faster when you're always going downhill.
 -- Omni
%%
The reason I feel guilty is, I'm so bad at it.
 -- David Steinberg
%%
The reason I had this difficulty is that the tree wasn't where it would
 have been if I had selected the right driveway, but since I did not, there
 it was where it shouldn't be, and this is why I hit it.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
The reason I know my youth is all spent? My get up and go got up and went.
 -- Len Ingebrigston
%%
The reason it's called Grape Nuts is that it contains dextrose,
which is also sometimes called grape sugar, and also because Grape
Nuts is catchier, in terms of marketing, than A Cross Between Gerbil
Food and Gravel, which is what it tastes like.
 -- Dave Barry, Tips for Writer's
%%
The reason that every major university maintains a department of
mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize
all those people.
%%
The reason that husbands and wives do not understand each other is because they
belong to different sexes.
 -- Dorothy Dix
%%
The reason that lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the
same place isn't there the second time.
%%
The reason the Christians have murdered on such a vast scale and
killed anyone and everyone in their way is purely and simply greed...
 Their insatiable greed and overweening ambition know no bounds; the
land is fertile and rich, the inhabitants simple, forbearing and submissive.
 The Spaniards have shown not the slightest consideration for these
people, treating them (and I speak from first-hand experience, having
been there from the outset) not as brute animals - indeed, I would
to God they had done and had shown them the consideration they afford
their animals - so much as piles of dung in the middle of the road.
 They have had as little concern for their souls as for their bodies,
all the millions that perished having gone to their deaths with no
knowledge of God and without the benefit of the Sacraments.  One fact
in all this is widely known and beyond dispute, for even the tyrannical
murderers themselves acknowledge the truth of it:  the indigenous
peoples never did the Europeans any harm whatever; on the contrary,
they believed them to have descended from the heavens, at least until
they or their fellow citizens had tasted, at the hands of these oppressors,
a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials
and tribulations.
 -- Bartolome de Las Casas,
 -- A Short Account of the Destruction of the Indies, 1542
%%
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much
  trouble to put makeup on two faces.
 -- Maureen Murphy
%%
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be
 the designated driver.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the
 law.
 -- Alex Levin
%%
The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so
crowded.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
The reason they call it work is because sometimes you have to do stuff
that you just don't want to do.
%%
The reason they're called wisdom teeth is that
the experience makes you wise.
%%
The reason we need the MX missile system is that the missiles we
currently have in the ground are the Minuteman model, which is very
old.  The Defense Department can't even remember where half of them
are.  Insects have built nests in them.  People have built houses
directly over the silos.  What this means, of course, is that if we
ever needed them to help obliterate all human life on the planet, they
could be a real embarrassment.  I mean, maybe YOU'RE comfortable with
the prospect of missiles that are supposed to represent you barging
over the North Pole trailing shreds of polyester carpeting from some
recreation room in South Dakota, but your strategic defense planners
are not.
 -- Dave Barry, At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against
                   Political Fallout
%%
The reason why people who mind their own business succeed is because
they have so little competition.
%%
The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who
can write know anything.
 -- Walter Bagehot (1826-1877) Literary Studies
%%
The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young ladies
spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Thoughts on Various Subjects
%%
The reason why we think monkeys are so funny is that they're so much like us.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
The reason why worry kills more people than work
is that more people worry than work.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
There, at the moated grange, resides this dejected Mariana.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
There await men after they are dead things which they do not expect or
imagine.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
... there being nothing more evident than that creatures of the same species
should be equal amongst one another without subordination or subjection.
 -- John Locke
%%
The rebel is doomed to a violent death. The rest of us can look forward to
sedated expiration in a coma inside an oxygen tent, with tubes inserted in
every bodily orifice.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There be of them that have left a name behind them.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus xliv, 8
%%
There buds the promise of celestial worth.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- The Last Day, Book iii
%%
There came to the beach a poor exile of Erin,
  The dew on his thin robe was heavy and chill;
For his country he sigh'd, when at twilight repairing
  To wander alone by the wind-beaten hill.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- The Exile of Erin
%%
There can be no black melancholy to him who lives in the midst of nature and
has his own senses still.
 -- Thoreau
%%
There can be no justice so long as laws are absolute. Even life itself
  is an exercise in exceptions.
When has justice been as simple as a rulebook.
 -- Picard and Riker, "Justice", stardate 41255.6
%%
There can be no new quotes, as all worth saying has already been said.
%%
There can be no offense where none is taken
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
There can be no progress if people have no faith in tomorrow.
 -- John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States
%%
...there can be no public or private virtue unless the foundation of action is
the practice of truth.
 -- George Jacob Holyoake
%%
There can be no regulation in the Minds nor in the Hearts of Women,
unless their temperament is in unison with it.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
There can be no total understanding and no absolutely reliable test of
understanding.
 -- Joseph Weizenbaum
I understand.
 -- ELIZA
%%
There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule.
 -- R. W. Gerard
%%
There can be only one!
 -- MacLeod...Highlander
%%
There can no great smoke arise, but there must be some fire.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues and his Euphbus, page 153
%%
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
The Receptive brings about sublime success,
Furthering through the perseverance of a mare.
If the superior man undertakes something and tries to lead,
He goes astray;
But if he follows, he finds guidance.
It is favorable to find friends in the west and south,
To forego friends in the east and north.
Quiet perseverance brings good fortune.
%%
There comes a point, in literary objectivity, when the author's self-
effacement is hard to distinguish from moral cowardice.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There comes a time in a man's life when he must rise above principle.
%%
There comes a time in a man's life which you cannot know, when he
  sees the first smile of his baby girl.  He knows he must change the
  world for her; for all children.
 -- Adm. Jerok, "The Defector,"  stardate 43462.5.
%%
There comes a time in each life like a point of fulcrum. At that time you
must accept yourself. It is not any more what you will become. It is what
you are and always will be.
 -- John Fowles, The Magus
%%
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had many of them.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull
by the tail and face the situation.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
There comes a time in the life of us all when we must lay aside our books or
put down our tools and leave our place of work and walk forth on the road to
meet the enemy face-to-face. Once and for all and at last.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There comes a time to stop being angry.
 -- A Small Circle of Friends
%%
There comes a time when a wizard must put his fate totally in the hands of
another. This takes great courage, and great faith in the ability of others to
perform some function that is beyond you. But there are benefits to this course
of action as well. Should this task reach a successful conclusion, it will show
you the worthiness of your fellow beings, and lead you to trust in the
providence of the universe. And, of course, should the task not be successful,
there is always someone else to blame.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXVII
%%
There comes a time when every wizard should retire, and pass the mantle of
responsibility on to younger shoulders. It behooves us, then, to teach our
successors well, so that the new wizard may do honor to our names, attract the
very best of clients, and be well enough paid to support our retirement home in
Vushta.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. LXXI
%%
There comes a time when nothing's left but style.
%%
There comes a time when one must stop suggesting and evaluating new solutions,
and get on with the job of analyzing and implementing one pretty good solution.
 -- Robert Machol
%%
There comes Emerson first, whose rich words, every one,
Are like gold nails in temples to hang trophies on.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- A Fable for Critics
%%
There comes to all races an ultimate crisis which you have yet to
  face .... One day our minds became so powerful we dared think of
  ourselves as gods.
 -- Sargon, "Return to Tomorrow," stardate 4768.3
%%
There could be no honor in a sure success, but much might be wrested
from a sure defeat.
 -- T.E. Lawrence
%%
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
%%
There exist limitless opportunities in every industry.
Where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier.
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer
than 100.
 -- Steele's Law
%%
Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you,
do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 12
%%
Therefore behoveth him a ful long spone,
That shall eat with a fend.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Squieres Tale, Line 10916
%%
Therefore, knowing that you are merely human, do not assign yourself merit.
%%
Therefore my age is as a lusty winter,
Frosty, but kindly.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Therefore, one should never admit a garrison larger than one's own forces,
 especially when composed of barbarians.
 -- Polybios, writing in the mid-2nd century BC (paraphrased), after an
     account of the betrayal of Epeiros by its mercenary Gallic garrison to a
   passing fleet of Illyrian pirates. Barbarians, of course, in the original
     sense of non-Greeks; non-Arabs or non-Muslims perhaps, in the Saudi
         case. -- Duncan Head
%%
Therefore with the same necessity with which the stone falls
 to earth, the hungry wolf buries its fangs in the flesh of its prey
 without the possibility of the knowledge that it itself is the
 destroyed as well as the destroyer.
 -- Schopenhauer
%%
The reformative effect of punishment is a belief that dies hard,
chiefly I think, because it is so satisfying to our sadistic impulses.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
There goes Bill!
%%
There goes my heart breaking in two.
%%
There goes the parson, O illustrious spark!
And there, scarce less illustrious, goes the clerk.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- On observing some Names of Little Note
%%
There go my scouts; I must follow for I am their leader.
%%
There has always been sex at the movies--only now it's up on the screen
 too.
 -- Danny Thomas
%%
There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.
 -- Thomas W. Lamont (29 Oct 1929)
%%
There has been a long history of optimizing the wrong things, using elaborate
mechanisms to produce beautiful code in cases that hardly ever arise in
practice, while doing nothing about frequently occurring situations.
 -- Donald Knuth
%%
There has been an alarming increase in the number
 of things you know nothing about.
%%
There has been another group reorganization, with extensive changes
in management structure and responsibilities having been made.
There will be a meeting in the cafeteria at 3 pm today to present the
changes. Please plan to attend.
%%
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the
 possible exception of the sword.
 -- Benjamin Dana
%%
There has been some discussion in the court on the subject of your best
  man...and I thought it might be the moment to...bring the subject to
  a...conclusion.
Ah yes, Percy. I would like _you_...
Oh! I'm so proud!
...Please let me finish. I would like _you_ to take this letter to
  Dover...
 -- Percy and Edmund : Bells
%%
There has never been a day in my life when I was not in love.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There has never been an intellegent person of the age of sixty who
would consent to live his life over again. His or anyone else's.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- Letters from the Earth (1905-1909)
%%
There has never been an "original" sin: each is quite banal.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There has never yet been a human society worthy of the name of civilization.
Civilization remains a remote ideal.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There hasn't been a good-looking American car in 20 years.
%%
There have always been disposable creatures.
 -- Guinan, "The Measure of a Man", stardate 42523.7
%%
There have been cases where people's shoes got stuck on their feet
and could never be removed.
%%
The reign of Antoninus is marked by the rare advantage of furnishing
very few materials for history, which is indeed little more than the
register of the crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (1776), Chap. iii
%%
The Reign of Terror that raged in America during the latter end of the
Washington Administration, and the whole of that of Adams, is enveloped
in mystery to me.  That there were men in the Government hostile to
the representative system, was once their oast, though it is now their
overthrow, and therefore the fact is established against them.
 -- Thomas Paine, Third Letter to the Citizens of the United States, 1802
%%
There in the bright assemblies of the skies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 745
%%
There is 24 hours in a day! Only 1 is Called Happy Hour!
%%
There is a 70% probability of tomorrow.
 -- actual weatherman quote, 1988
%%
There is a bear following you around.
%%
There is a beautiful alabaster turtle here!
%%
There is a beautiful golden sword lying here!
%%
There is a beautiful Greek chalice here!
%%
There is a beautiful jewel encrusted maltese falcon here!
%%
There is a beautiful waterfall here. The sound of the water echos
throughout throughout the cavern. The water rushes down to a pool not far
below below and seems to continue. A old wooden sign to the right says
"Seven "Seven Sacred Pools".
%%
There is a billiard ball lying here.
%%
There is a bird who by his coat,
And by the hoarseness of his note,
  Might be supposed a crow.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Jackdaw, (Translation from Vincent Bourne)
%%
There is a bright light being emitted from the top of the staff.
%%
There is absolutely nothing loving about sex .... Lust is as destructive of
 love inside the marriage as it is outside.
 -- Fr. John H. McGoey, Family Planning Educator, Human Life International
      Symposium on Human Sexuality, 4/25/86, as quoted in The Far
     Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
There is a California state law that says All employees of
Apple Computer, Inc., must take either the Myers-Briggs
Personality Traits Battery or a urine test. I pissed on
the Myers-Briggs test.
 -- Mike Cappella
%%
There is a calling under the breath, a cry that goes on long as a vein.
It is the last senseless moment of the organism, the instant of death
that cries back through the narrows of air from the ferrous edge.
 -- Schiavoni and Malamocco, Voorish Rituals
%%
There is a carved ivory animal here!
%%
There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane".  If you
 buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back
 and demand a refund?
%%
   There is a certain age at which a child looks at you in all earnestness
and delivers a long, pleased speech in all the true inflections of spoken
English, but with not one recognizable syllable.  There is no way you can
tell the child that if language had been a melody, he had mastered it and
done well, but that since it was in fact a sense, he had botched it utterly.
 -- Annie Dillard, _Pilgrim at Tinker Creek_
%%
There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself
 to be burned for an opinion.
 -- Anatole France
%%
There is a certain inevitability to a couple of things. Death and taxes
 come to mind. However, death doesn't get worse every time the legislators
 come together.
%%
There is a certain phase in the life of the aged
when the warmth of the heart seems to increase in direct proportion
with the years. This is a time of life when a solicitous family
does well to watch affectionately over the vagaries of its unattached
relatives, particularly of those who are comfortably off.
 -- John Phillips Marquand
%%
There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to
worse; as I have found in traveling in a stage-coach, that it is often a
comfort to shift one's position and be bruised in a new place.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
There is a certain triumph in well-considered monotony
 -- Voltaire on COBOL
%%
There is a circle shape lying here.
%%
There is a codeword which opens safes - it is LOVE.
%%
There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what
 it's a plan for.
 -- Fred Hoyle
%%
There is a coil of rope here.
%%
There is a container full of an extremely sensual perfume here!
%%
There is a contented-looking bear wandering about nearby.
%%
There is a country is Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
 -- Sigfried Hulzer
%%
There is a cunning which we in England call "the turning of the cat
in the pan;" which is, when that which a man says to another, he lays
it as if another had said it to him.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Cunning
%%
There is a deep, abiding, unshakable satisfaction in a life of complete
failure.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There is a definite parallel between shots of tequila and a
woman's breasts.  One is not enough and three are too many.
%%
There is a delicate, precious, ming vase here!
%%
There is a difference between art and life and that
difference is readability.
 -- Marian Engel
%%
There is a difference between a statesman and a politician. The difference
 is that I agree with the statesman.
%%
There is a difference between getting what you pay for and what
 you hope for.
 -- Malcom Forbes, American publisher
%%
There is a difficulty learning from mistakes, since the most vivid lessons
 are often also fatal!
%%
There is a discipline whose disciples devote themselves, day in and day out,
to making one another unhappy. They are called altruists.
%%
     [There is] a duty in refusing to cooperate in any undertaking that
       violates the Constitutional rights of the individual. This holds in
      particular for all inquisitions that are concerned with the private
      life and the political affiliations of the citizens...
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
There is a feeling among sailors that borders on fatalism.  It is born
of the belief that a ship can never get lost.  When you run out of
water, you always run into land.  It may not be the right land; but
then, if it were, America would still be undiscovered.
 -- Robert E. Mirvish
%%
There is a ferocious cave bear eying you from the far end of the room!
%%
There is a fine art to making enemies and it requires diligent cultivation.
It's not as easy as it looks.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There is a fine circumstance connected with the character of a Cynic,--that
he must be beaten like an ass, and yet when beaten must love those
who beat him, as the father, as the brother of all.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Of the Cynic Philosophy,
 -- Discourses, Book iii, Chap. xxii
%%
There is a force (Carsuction) which draws a frisbee under
a parked car it can almost reach.
 -- Second Law of Frisbee
%%
There is a four-word formula for success that applies equally  well to
organizations and individuals: Make yourself more useful.
 -- Leadership Magazine
%%
There is a fundamental conviction which some people never acquire, some hold
only in their youth, and a few hold to the end of their days-- the conviction
that IDEAS MATTER.   In one's youth that conviction is experienced as a
self-evident absolute, and one is unable fully to believe that there are people
who do not share it.  That ideas matter means that knowledge matters, that
truth matters, that one's mind matters.  And the radiance of that certainty,
in the process of growing up, is the best aspect of youth.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
There is a gentle cave bear sitting placidly in one corner.
%%
There is a gentle river of water flowing over the falls.
%%
There is a gentle water fall here. As the water falls through the air
it it make a noise similar to fairies singing and giggling.
%%
There is a gigantic beanstalk stretching all the way up to the hole.
%%
There is a God, but He drinks
 -- Blore
%%
There is a gold and silver scepter lying here!
%%
There is a golden chain locked to the wall!
%%
There is a golden chain lying in a heap on the floor!
%%
There is a golden conch shell here!
%%
There is a great deal of human nature in people.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
There is a great difference between not wishing to do evil
and not knowing how.
 -- Seneca
%%
There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of
 paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
%%
There is a great pain in my heart...
It's probably indigestion..I'll soon take your mind off that.
No. It is my husband.
Your _husband's_ got indigestion? Well, he won't be bothering us then.
No. He dies tomorrow.
Oh, come, you can't die of indigestion...
 -- Lady Farrow and Edmund : Head
%%
There is a group of young elves cowering in the corner.
One One of them seems to be trying to attract your attention.
%%
There is a hexagon shape lying here.
%%
There is a higher law than the Constitution.
 -- William H. Seward (1801-1872)
 -- Speech, March 11, 1850
%%
There is a higher law than the law of government. That's the law of conscience.
 -- Stokely Carmichael
%%
There is a hole in your mind.
%%
There is a holy mistaken zeal in politics as well as in religion.
%%
There is a house in New Orleans, they call the Rising Sun.
 -- The Animals
%%
There is a jewel-encrusted trident here!
%%
There is a kind of greatness which does not depend upon fortune; it is a
certain manner that distinguishes us, and which seems to destine us for
great things; it is the value we insensibly set upon ourselves; it is by
this quality, that we gain the deference of other men, and it is this
which commonly raises us more above them, than birth, rank, or even
merit itself.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
There is a kind of poetry in simple fact.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There is a lamp shining nearby.
%%
There is a land of pure delight,
  Where saints immortal reign;
Infinite day excludes the night,
  And pleasures banish pain.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Hymns and Spiritual Songs, Book ii, Hymn 66
%%
There is a large sparkling nugget of gold here!
%%
There is a law for every Occasion!!
%%
There is a law of inertia.  And I have found that of
all the inert substances, the most inert is the human brain.
 -- Edward Teller
%%
There is a lion in the way; a lion is in the streets.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvi, 13
%%
There is a little axe lying beside the bear.
%%
There is a little bird in the cage.
%%
There is a lot of writing on the walls. It looks like a long list.
It It says: "At first Akiba begat Ploph, then Ploph begat Carle; Carle
begat begat Roobi; Roobi begat Borla; Borla begat Borna; Borna begat Borga;
Borga Borga begat Akita; Akita begat Nila; Nila begat Dange; Dange begat
Epra; Epra; Epra begat Akina; Akina begat Egypa; Egypa begat Gorna; Gorna
begat begat Frilo; Frilo begat Norto; Norto begat Gordo; Gordo begat Marta;
Marta Marta begat Beglo; Beglo begat Borge; Borge begat Ryplo; Ryplo begat
Larse; Larse; Larse begat Morge; Morge begat Varna; Varna begat Glorn; ...."
In In the corner, "Frodo lives" is written in blue crayon. On the wall
nearest nearest the exit, "Kazak is the son of Begloph and Raebes" is written
in in red spray paint.
%%
There is a loud explosion, and a twenty-foot hole appears in the far
wall, wall, burying the dwarves in the rubble. You march through the hole
and and find yourself in the Main Office, where a cheering band of
friendly friendly elves carry the conquering adventurer off into the sunset.
%%
There is a loud explosion, and a twenty-foot hole appears in the far
wall, wall, burying the snakes in the rubble. A river of molten lava pours
in in through the hole, destroying everything in its path, including you!
%%
There is a loud explosion, and you are suddenly splashed across the
walls walls of the room.
%%
There is a love of wild nature in everybody an ancient mother-love ever
showing itself whether recognized or no, and however covered by cares and
duties.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
There is also a thriving independent student movement in
Poland, and thus there is a strong possibility (though no
guarantee) of making an EARN-Poland link, should it ever come
about, a genuine link - not a vacuum cleaner attachment for a
Bloc information gathering apparatus rationed to trusted
apparatchiks.
 -- David Phillips, SUNY at Buffalo, about establishing
 -- a gateway from EARN (European Academic Research Network) to Poland
%%
There is always a best way to do everything, if it be to boil an egg.  Manners
are the happy ways of doing things.
 -- Emerson
%%
There is always a better way, our challenge is to find it.
%%
There is always a comforting thought in time of trouble when it is not our
 trouble.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
   There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
Neither will Iles.
 -- Iles's Law
%%
There is always a party going on somewhere.
%%
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #04
%%
There is always free cheese in a mousetrap.
%%
There is always free cheese offered inside the Liberal tax trap.
%%
There is always more dirty laundry than clean laundry.
 -- Walker's Law of the Household
If it's clean, it isn't laundry.
 -- Clive's Rebuttal to Walker's Law
%%
There is always more hell that needs raising.
 -- Lauren Leveut
%%
There is always more than we see.
%%
There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should
 read "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE".
%%
There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets
the future in.
 -- Graham Greene
%%
There is always room at the top -- after the investigation.
 -- Oliver Herford, English writer and illustrator
%%
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
%%
There is always something new out of Africa.
 -- Gaius Plinius Secundus
%%
There is always something on television.
%%
There is always something to upset the most careful of human calculations.
 -- Ihara Saikaku
%%
There is always some water where the heifer drowns.
 -- Antiquated Brazilian Proverb
%%
There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs
tied during the month of April.
%%
There is a massive, broken vending machine here.
%%
There is a massive vending machine here. The instructions on it read:
Drop coins here to receive fresh batteries.
%%
There is America, which at this day serves for little more than to
amuse you with stories of savage men and uncouth manners, yet shall,
before you taste of death, show itself equal to the whole of that
commerce which now attracts the envy of the world.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 115
%%
There is a message concealed in each fortune cookie.
%%
There is a message scrawled in the dust in a flowery script, reading:
This is not the maze where the pirate leaves his treasure chest.
%%
There is a method in man's wickedness,--
It grows up by degrees.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- A King and No King, Act v, Sc. 4
%%
There is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
 -- Spock, "A Taste of Armageddon," stardate 3193.9.
%%
There is an ancient Greek krater here!
%%
There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not
judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be
called blest or wretched.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Trachiniae, 1
%%
There is an art, or, rather, a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day and try it.
The first part is easy.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your
weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly,
the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.
Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
    There is an astonishing imagination, even in the science
of mathematics. . . We repeat, there was far more imagination
in the head of Archimedes than in that of Homer.
 -- Voltaire
%%
There is a natural aristocracy among men.  The grounds of this are
virtue and talent.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
 -- Walt Disney
%%
There is an educative and purifying power in danger that is to be found in no
other school.
 -- A. F. Mummery
%%
There is an emerald here the size of a plover's egg!
%%
There is an enormous oyster here with its shell tightly closed.
Interesting. Interesting.
There seems to be something written on the underside of the oyster.
%%
There is an epidemic that is spreading across our world. Nobody
knows where it came from, but more and more people are catching
it. It turns them into tragically disfigured versions of their
former selves. They lose all sense of dignity. I am of course
talking about those bloody pouch things that people are wearing
now; it's like a black plastic wallet with a strap that wraps
around your waist, and it looks STUPID!! But anyway...
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
There is an eternal principle that states that service is essential to
salvation.
 -- Bruce R. McConkie
%%
There is an evening twilight of the heart,
When its wild passion-waves are lulled to rest.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Twilight
%%
There is a New America every morning when we wake up.  It is upon us
whether we will it or not.
 -- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
There is a new product on the market for those who are fighting a losing
 battle with roaches. It's called "Instant Arson."
%%
There is an exception to all exceptions.
%%
There is an exception to all laws.
 -- Government's Law
%%
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
%%
There is an historic opportunity here.
 -- Spock/STVI
%%
There is an imaginary universe just around the corner from reality and
next door to the twilight zone.  Your mission, should you decide to
accept it, is to explore the landscape and gather up treasures.
%%
There is an immense hairy creature in the room with you! It's a giant
mole! mole! It seems to be wandering about aimlessly, eyeing you with some
hesitation. hesitation.
%%
   There is an important subgenre of humorous ASCII art that takes
   advantage of the names of the various characters to tell a
   pun-based joke.

     +--------------------------------------------------------+
     |      ^^^^^^^^^^^^                                      |
     | ^^^^^^^^^^^            ^^^^^^^^^                       |
     |                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |
     |        ^^^^^^^         B       ^^^^^^^^^               |
     |  ^^^^^^^^^          ^^^            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^      |
     +--------------------------------------------------------+
                  " A Bee in the Carrot Patch "
%%
There is an incessant influx of novelty into the world, and yet we tolerate
incredible dullness.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden
%%
There is an incredibly ugly monster following you! He (at least I
think think it's a he) has large nostrils and skin that looks like
plates plates of slimey green moss.
%%
There is an infinite number of describable functions, which are not
effectively computable.
 -- N. Jones, "Computability Theory"
Note: This contradicts the oft stated maxim "If a function can be defined, it
can be programmed".
%%
There is an inflated inner tube lying here.
%%
There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it
has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
There is an inverse relationship between the uniqueness of an observation
and the number of investigators who report it simultaneously.
 -- A. B. Pardee
%%
There is an iron crowbar hanging in a tool rack on the wall.
%%
There is an iron crowbar here.
%%
There is an iron "scold's bridle" in Walton Church.  They used these things in
ancient days for curbing women's tongues.  They have given up the attempt now.
I suppose iron was getting scarce, and nothing else would be strong enough.
 -- Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men in a Boat"
%%
There is an odd saying here that a man must do three things during life:
Plant trees, write books and have sons.  I wish they would plant more
trees and write more books.
 -- Luis Munoz Marin
%%
There is a noise like a wild horses' neigh.
You spin around, and don't see anyone around at all
except for a spurred black cloaked figure carrying a scythe.
Death coughs apologetically. He seems a little embarrassed.
%%
There is an old custom among my people.  When a woman saves a
  man's life, he is grateful.
 -- Nona, the Kanuto whitch woman, "A Private Little War," Stardate 4211.8.
%%
There is an old shovel lying here.
%%
There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty.
"When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
There is an old warty frog here. He says, "Help will safe you!"
%%
There is an old warty frog here. He says, "This is your third
time time in this room! Ribbit!"
%%
There is an order of things in this universe.
 -- Apollo, "Who Mourns for Adonais?," stardate 3468.1.
%%
There is another and a better world.
 -- A. F. F. Von Kotzebue (1761-1819)
 -- The Stranger, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
There is a pentagon shape lying here.
%%
There is a perfectly satisfactory explanation for everything, but
security prevents its disclosure.
 -- The Anthony Blunt Excuse
%%
There is a persian rug spread out on the floor!
%%
There is a place for a decisive gamble where you know your enemy
and can calculate the risks at least roughly; but to move at all
against an unknown enemy is boldness in itself.
 -- Bel Riose
%%
There is a platinum pyramid here, 8 inches on a side!
%%
There is a pleasure in poetic pains
Which only poets know.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 285
%%
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods;
There is a rapture on the lonely shore;
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 178
%%
There is a pleasure sure
In being mad which none but madmen know.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Spanish Friar, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
There is a proportion between the joy of accomplishment and the suspense of
 the challenge.
%%
There is a puff of greenish smoke and you find that . . . . .
%%
There is a raging torrent of water spilling over the falls.
%%
There is a reaper whose name is Death,
  And with his sickle keen
He reaps the bearded grain at a breath,
  And the flowers that grow between.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Reaper and the Flowers
%%
There is a remedy for all things but death, which will be sure to
lay us out flat some time or other.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. x
%%
There is a remedy for everything; it is called death.
 -- Portuguese Proverb
%%
There is a river in Macedon; and there is also moreover a river at
Monmouth;... and there is salmons in both.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
There is a road to freedom.   Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor,
Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and
love of the Fatherland.
 -- Adolf Hitler
%%
There is a rope hanging from the ceiling.
%%
There is a saying among trial lawyers: "Never ask a question unless you
are already SURE of the answer."  For Dungeon Masters/Game Masters that
should be Never roll the dice unless you're sure the outcome is
acceptable."  For computer scientists, it reads: "Unless you know what
to do with a error condition, never test for it."
 -- Eric Holtman, info-unix mail
%%
There is a scarcity of friendship, but not of friends.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
There is a shiny brass lamp nearby.
%%
There is a shiny gold ring here.
%%
There is a shiny pot made of silver here!
%%
There is a shrieking sound, as of reality being distorted.
brothers, the Wizard of omega appears before you....
'Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards --
it makes them soggy and hard to light.'
%%
There is a silence where hath been no sound,
There is a silence where no sound may be,--
In the cold grave, under the deep, deep sea,
Or in the wide desert where no life is found.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Sonnet, Silence
%%
There is a skeleton in every old house.
%%
There is a small black obsidian cat sculpture here!
%%
There is a small wicker cage discarded nearby.
%%
There is as much difference between the counsel that a friend giveth,
and that a man giveth himself, as there is between counsel of a friend
and a flatterer.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
There is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it.
%%
There is a sparkling sequin jacket folded nicely of to the side!
%%
There is a special department of Hell for students of probability. In it there
are an infinite number of monkeys and typewriters. Whenever a monkey walks
across a typewriter it types, purely by chance, one of Shakespeare's sonnets.
%%
There is a square shape lying here.
%%
There is a star shape lying here.
%%
There is a state law prohibiting the blindfolding of cows
on Arkansas public highways.
%%
There is a statistical correlation between the number of initials in an English
man's name and his social class (the upper class having significantly more than
three names, while members of the lower class average 2.6).
%%
There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather that compels the
stranger's admiration -- and regret.  The weather is always doing something
there; always attending strictly to business; always getting up new designs and
trying them on the people to see how they will go.  But it gets through more
business in spring than in any other season.  In the spring I have counted one
hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four-and-twenty
hours.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
There is a tendency for the person in the most powerful
position in an organisation to spend all of his or her time
serving on committees and signing letters.
 -- Oeser's Law
%%
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what
the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be
replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory that states that this has already happened.
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
%%
There is a thin mist here. It seems to have a character to it,
something something strange, yet comfortable, almost friendly.
%%
There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which, taken at the flood,
leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound
in shallows and in miseries: On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves, Or lose our ventures.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
There is a time for some things, and a time for all things; a time
for great things, and a time for small things.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxv
%%
There is a time for thinking and a time
for NOT thinking.  And THIS isn't one
of them.
 -- Paul the Samurai
%%
There is a time in the tides of men,
Which, taken at its flood, leads on to success.
On the other hand, don't count on it.
 -- T. K. Lawson
%%
There is a trickle of water falling over the falls.
%%
There is a vast difference between putting your nose in other people's
business and putting your heart in other people's problems.
%%
There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it
 is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
There is a very fine line between reality and fantasy--
and I'd just as soon obscure it.
%%
There is a very thin line between the creative genius and the oddball, the
 screwball. I haven't been able to put that line down yet. So, I must suffer
 the occasional screwball.
%%
There is a very thin line between those who would like to consider
 themselves being serious and studious folk and those who took the
 opportunity to appear on the Gong Show.
%%
There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, which is translated
through into action. And because there is only one You in all time, this
expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any
other medium, and the world will have lost it.
 -- Martha Graham
%%
There is a voter born every minute.
 -- P.T. Clinton
%%
There is a wad of paper on the floor here.
%%
There is a way on high, conspicuous in the clear heavens, called the
Milky Way, brilliant with its own brightness.  By it the gods go to the
dwelling of the great Thunderer and his royal abode ... Here the famous
and mighty inhabitants of heaven have their homes.  this is the region
which I might make bold to call the Palatine [Way] of the Great Sky.
 -- Ovid
%%
There is a way to explore that region without having to worry about
falling falling into a pit. None of the objects available is immediately
useful useful in discovering the secret.
%%
There is a white ermine sitting in the cage.
%%
There is a white ermine sleeping here!
%%
There is a wicked Necromancer in the room with you named Melkor. He
is is very dangerous and I would advise you to get away quickly, unless
you you know the magic spell to rid the cave of his presence.
%%
There is a wide difference between general acquaintance and companionship.
You may salute a man and exchange compliments with him daily, yet
know nothing of his character, his inmost tastes and feelings.
 -- William Matthews
%%
There is a wisdom in this beyond the rules of physic. A man's own
observation, what he finds good of and what he finds hurt of, is the
best physic to preserve health.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Regimen of Health
%%
There is a world of difference between making instant coffee and winning an
 argument with an Italian.
%%
There is a written and an unwritten law. The one by which we regulate
our constitutions in our cities is the written law; that which arises
from custom is the unwritten law.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Plato, li
%%
There is but one element of government, and that is THE PEOPLE.  From
this element spring all governments.  "For a nation to be free, it
is only necessary that she wills it."  For a nation to be slave,
it is only necessary that she wills it.
 -- John Adams (1735-1826), Letter to John Taylor, 1814
%%
There is but one inerrant inevitable formula for success on a computer.
 This involves the combination of a computer with a human being, and it is
 bound to be even more effective if that human being is self-conceived as a
 computer programmer. By a combination of these two elements in any manner
 possible, complete disaster is proximate and immanent and will happen at
 the most inopportune time in the most disastrous manner, most often to the
 hard disk which is filled to near capacity and which has not had a back-up
 made in several months.
%%
There is but one known way to balance the Federal Budget. It is done by
 lengthening the holidays of the legislators and shortening the sessions.
%%
There is but one thought greater than that of the universe,
and is the thought of its Maker.
 -- John Henry Newman
%%
There is considerable evidence that great empires and civilizations have been
 undone not by barbarian invaders but by climatic change.
 -- 1977 CIA report
%%
There is danger in delaying, good fortune in acting.
%%
There is death in the pot.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Kings iv, 40
%%
There is drinking of wine
In genuine confidence. No blame.
But if one wets his head,
He loses it, in truth.
%%
There is exactly one dogma - and you're looking at it.
 -- Steve Gardner
%%
There is fast forming in this country an aristocracy of wealth, the
worst form of aristocracy that can curse the prosperity of a nation.
 -- Peter Cooper (1791-1883)
%%
There is game in the field.
It furthers one to catch it.
Without blame.
Let the eldest lead the army.
The younger transports corpses;
Then perseverance brings misfortune.
%%
There is good cutting large thongs of another man's leather.
 -- Proverb
%%
There is good sex and there is bad sex but chocolate is always chocolate.
%%
There is great ability in knowing how to conceal one's ability.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 245
%%
There is great disorder under heaven and the situation is excellent.
 -- Mao Zedong
%%
There is hardly anybody good for everything, and there is scarcely
anybody who is absolutely good for nothing.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would
not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not
 wave in a vacuum.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
There is, however, a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Observations on Late Publication on the Present State of the Nation,
 -- Vol. i, p. 273
%%
There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon,
however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable.
Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator
on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is
even highly probable.
 -- H. L. Mencken, 1930
%%
There is in souls a sympathy with sounds;
And as the mind is pitch'd the ear is pleased
With melting airs or martial, brisk or grave;
Some chord in unison with what we hear
Is touch'd within us, and the heart replies.
How soft the music of those village bells
Falling at intervals upon the ear
In cadence sweet!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book vi, Winter Walk at Noon, Line 1
%%
There *is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
%%
There is just one rule for politicians all over the world:  Don't say
in Power what you said in Opposition; if you do, you only have to carry
out what the other fellows have found impossible.
 -- John Galsworthy (1867-1933)
%%
There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program:
Your tax dollar will go farther.
 -- Werner von Braun
%%
There is just too damn much going on in this conference!
%%
There is life after death: in Chicago, people are still allowed to vote.
%%
There is little more frustrating that having a dollar bill machine return
 your dollar bill, just after you finish the wash phase at the car wash and
 find that you now need money to get to the rinse phase.
%%
There is little sense in attempting to change external conditions,
you must first change inner beliefs,
then outer conditions will change accordingly.
 -- Brian Adams
%%
There is many a boy here today who looks on war as all glory, but, boys,
it is all hell.  You can bear this warning voice to generations yet to
come.  I look upon war with horror.
 -- William Tecumseh Sherman (1820-1891)
%%
There is many a good man to be found under a shabby hat.
%%
There is many a rich stone laid up in the bowels of the earth, many
a fair pearl laid up in the bosom of the sea, that never was seen,
nor never shall be.
 -- Bishop Hall (1574-1656)
 -- Contemplations, Book iv, The veil of Moses
%%
There is more ado to interpret interpretations than to interpret the
things, and more books upon books than upon all other subjects; we
do nothing but comment upon one another.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xiii
%%
There is more at stake here than our lives.
 -- Col. Travis (Alamo Pep Talk)
%%
There is more difference within the sexes, than between them.
 -- Ivy Compton-Burnett
%%
There is more excitement in one hour on a soap opera than there is in a
 whole life of living.
%%
There is more knowledge of the heart in one letter of Richardson's,
than in all 'Tom Jones.'
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
There is more than one way to boot a disk.
 -- Dunstone's Philosophy
%%
There is more than one way to crash a system.
 -- Murphy's Seventh Law of Programming
%%
There is more to life than chocolate.  Just not a whole lot more.
%%
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
 -- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
There is more to life than meets the mind.
%%
There is more to life than work.  Do not let time pass you by.
%%
There is more to reality than meets the eye.
%%
There is more treasure in books than in all the pirates' loot
on Treasure Island... and best of all,
you can enjoy these riches every day of your life.
 -- Walt Disney
%%
There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.
 -- Darth Vader
%%
There is much pleasure to be gained in useless knowledge.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
There is much to admire in the work of D. H. Lawrence--excepting his queer,
soft, gooey, and epicene prose.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There is never a convenient time for death, for taxes or for childbirth,
 but all these things happen and we manage to survive them all. Some are a
 joy, others a relief, but taxes are for sure no fun.
%%
There is never a day so bad that tomorrow couldn't be worse.
%%
There is never enough beer, sex or disk space!
%%
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is
always enough time to do it over.
%%
There is never enough time, unless you're serving it.
 -- Malcolm Forbes
%%
There is _never_ no hope left.  Remember.
 -- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
There is, nevertheless, a certain respect and a general duty of humanity
that ties us, not only to beasts that have life and sense, but even
to trees and plants.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xi, Of Cruelty
%%
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
 -- Meskimen's Law
%%
There is news.
%%
There is no abstract art.  You must always start with something.
Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
%%
There is no absurdity so palpable but that it may be firmly planted in
the human head if only you begin to inoculate it before the age of five,
by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
There is no "A" in "KERNEL"!
%%
There is no ancient gentlemen but gardeners.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
There is no answer.
%%
There is no bad beer: some kinds are better than others.
 -- German Proverb
%%
There is no being eloquent for atheism. In that exhausted receiver, the mind
cannot use its wings- the clearest proof that it is out of its element.
 -- Hare
%%
There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man.
 Euripides
%%
There is no better ballast for keeping the mind steady on its keel,
and saving it from all risk of crankiness, than business.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- New England Two Centuries ago
%%
There is no better motto which it [culture] can have than these words
of Bishop Wilson, "To make reason and the will of God prevail."
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
 -- Culture and Anarchy, p. 8
%%
There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the
law.  No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets
the truth.
 -- Jean Giraudoux
%%
There is no bigotry like that of "free thought" run to seed.
 -- Horace Greeley (1811-1872)
%%
There is nobody as enslaved as the fanatic, the person in whom one
impulse, one value, has assumed ascendancy over all others.
 -- Milton R. Sapirstein
%%
There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and
more sense than we have.
 -- Don Herold
%%
"There is no book so bad," said the bachelor, "but something good
may be found in it."
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. iii
%%
There is no bottom to worse.
 -- Cohen's Law
%%
There is no calamity which a great nation can invite which equals that
which follows a supine submission to wrong and injustice.
 -- Grover Cleveland (1837-1908)
%%
There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it.
 -- Niven's Law # 16
%%
There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
 the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries
 civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
 We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward
 striving of the human race
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
There is no code so big, twisted, or complex that maintenance can't make it
worse.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #7
%%
There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.
 -- Cato
%%
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old
skeptics, but their future is doubtful.
%%
There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no
evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret
about it?
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
There is no conflict between liberty and safety. We will have both or neither.
 -- Ramsey Clark
%%
There is no conflict of interests among men, neither in business nor
in trade nor in their most personal desires -- if they omit the
irrational from their view of the possible and destruction from their
view of the practical ...  A wish for the irrational is not to be
achieved, whether the sacrificial victims are willing or not.  But
men will not cease to desire the impossible and will not lose their
longing to destroy -- so long as self-destruction and self-sacrifice
are preached to them as the practical means of achieving the happiness
of the recipients.
 -- John Galt
%%
There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody
agrees.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.
 -- Countess of Blessington
%%
There is no counter for a spirited woman except a spirited drink.
 -- R. Butler
%%
There is no courage, but in innocence, No constancy, but in an honest cause.
 -- Southern
%%
There is no crueler tyranny than that which is perpetrated under the
shield of law and in the name of justice.
 -- Montesquieu, 1742
%%
There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
There is no dark side of the moon. Really.
%%
There is no dark side of the moon, really.
 As a matter of fact, it's ALL dark.
%%
There is no death! What seems so is transition;
  This life of mortal breath
Is but a suburb of the life elysian,
  Whose portal we call Death.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Resignation
%%
There is no debt with so much prejudice put off as that of justice.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of those whom God is slow to punish
%%
There is NO defense against the attack of the KILLER MICROS
 -- Eugene Brooks
%%
There is no defense except stupidity against a new idea.
%%
There is no delight the equal of dread, as long as it is somebody else's.
 -- Clive Barker
%%
There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk.
%%
There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in
 love.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
There is no difference between killing a four year-old child and aborting a
 pre-born 3-month-old [fetus].
 -- Randall Terry, Executive Director, Operation Rescue, in his film,
      Higher Laws, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves,
        a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
There is no difference between man and man, as there is between man and beast
or between man and God, that makes one by nature the ruler of another. This
does not mean that there are not wide differences among men, or that it is not
often to the advantage of some to be ruled by others.
 -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
There is no difference between theory and practice in theory, but there is
often a great deal of difference between theory and practice in practice.
 -- Chuck Reid
%%
There is no discharge in that war.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes viii, 8
%%
There is no distinction between any AI program and some existent game.
%%
There is no doubt I should be tarred and feathered.
 -- Richard Sexton
%%
There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be
 dead.
 -- Arthur Honegger
%%
There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
There is no easy way from the earth to the stars.
 -- Seneca
%%
There is no education like adversity.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
There is no education that is not political.
An apolitical education is also political because it is purposely isolating.
%%
There is no education without books.
%%
There is no empirical evidence to support the existence of tailwinds.
%%
There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626), Of Beauty
%%
There is no excuse for laziness, but I'm working on it.
%%
There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the real
labor of thinking.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
%%
There is no failure except in no longer trying.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
There is no Father Christmas.  It's just a marketing ploy
to make low income parents' lives a misery.
... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child,
streaked with tears because of what you just said.
I want you to picture the face of its mother, because one
week's dole won't pay for one Master of the Universe
Battlecruiser!
 -- Filthy Rich and Catflap, 1986.
%%
There is no fear in love; but perfect love drives out fear.
 -- 1 John 4:18
%%
There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
There is no fire without some smoke.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
There is no flock, however watched and tended,
  But one dead lamb is there;
There is no fireside, howsoe'er defended,
  But has one vacant chair.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Resignation
%%
There is no fool like an old fool.
 -- John Heywood (1497-1580)
%%
There is no fool like an old fool -- you can't beat experience.
 -- Jacob Braude
%%
There is no force more potent in the modern world than stupidity fueled by
greed.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There is no fortress so strong that money cannot take it.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
There is no freedom without the power to defend it.
%%
There is no friendship which time does not decay and destroy.
%%
There is no gathering the rose without being pricked by the thorns.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Two Travellers, Chap. ii, Fable vi
%%
There is no glory in outstripping donkeys.
 -- Martial
%%
There is no god, and Murphy is his prophet.
%%
There is no God.
But it does not matter.
Man is enough.
 -- Edna St. Vincent Milay, Conversation at Midnight
%%
There is no God! He just thinks he's there!
%%
There is no good in arguing with the inevitable. The only argument
available with an east wind is to put on your overcoat.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Democracy and Addresses
%%
There is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers.
 -- Seneca
%%
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
 -- Maya Angelou
%%
There is no greater fan of the opposite sex,
 and I have the bills to prove it.
%%
There is no greater mistake to be made than to be consistently correct.
%%
There is no greater sign of a general decay of virtue in a nation, than
a want of zeal in its inhabitants for the good of their country.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften.
%%
There is no happiness when there is no hockey.
%%
There is no happiness where there is no wisdom.
 -- Sophocles
%%
There is no harm in praising a large dog.
%%
There is no hate lost between us.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Witch, Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
There is no heaven or hell--only smoking or non-smoking.
%%
   There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
 -- Linus' Law
%%
There is no heroic poem in the world but is at bottom a biography,
the life of a man; also it may be said, there is no life of a man,
faithfully recorded, but is a heroic poem of its sort, rhymed or unrhymed.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Sir Walter Scott, London and Westminster Review, 1838
%%
There is no honor in boring an enemy to death.
%%
There is no hope- the future will but turn the old sand in the falling
glass of time.
 -- R. H. Stoddard
%%
There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would
 simply do as I advise.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted
armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
 -- Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961)
%%
There is no idea so sacred that it cannot be questioned, analyzed...
 and ridiculed.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
There is no idea so stupid that some professor doesn't believe in it.
%%
There is no 'I' in the word 'team'.
%%
There is no jesting with edge tools.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Little French Lawyer, Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
 -- Perrussel's Law
%%
There is no job so small that it can't be made longer by listening
 to advice.
%%
There is no joy in crashing a Sun.
 Crashing a party is another thing!!
 -- Bingo Boswell
%%
There is no joy in Mudville, mighty Casey has struck out.
%%
THERE IS NO JUSTICE, THERE IS ONLY ME.
%%
There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more
 easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
There is no knowledge that is not power.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
There is no known way to make crackers crumble more efficiently than an
 attempt to eat them in bed.
%%
There Is No Land Unhabitable, Nor Sea Unnavigable
 -- Richard Harluyt.
%%
There is no law that vulgarity and literary excellence cannot coexist.
 -- A. Trevor Hodge
%%
There is no limit to how bad things can get.
 -- Hane's Law
%%
There is no limit to stupidity.   Space itself is said to be bounded by
its own curvature, but stupidity continues beyond infinity.
 -- Gene Wolfe
%%
There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they
 don't care who gets the credit.
%%
There is no limit to the height a man may attain if he simply stays on the
 level.
%%
There is no limit to the work I can do and produce, if it is not the work
 to which I am assigned, or the work I must get done.
%%
There is no longer any way across the chasm.
%%
There is no love lost between us.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
There is no love sincerer than the love of food.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
There is no man so good, who, were he to submit all his thoughts and
actions to the laws, would not deserve hanging ten times in his life.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
There is no man that lives who does not need to be drilled, disciplined, and
developed into something higher and nobler than he is by nature.
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
There is no market for gloom. You cannot sell it. What the world
wants, needs, and will buy is cheer.
%%
There is no mechanical problem so difficult that
it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
 -- William's Law
%%
There is no mistake; there has been no mistake; and there shall be no mistake.
 -- Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington (1769-1852)
 -- Letter to Mr. Huskisson
%%
There is no money in poetry, but then there is no poetry in money.
 -- Robert Graves
%%
There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee.
 -- Lester J. Pourciau
%%
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship,
communion or company than a good marriage.
 -- Martin Luther
%%
There is no more mean, stupid, dastardly, pitiful, selfish, spiteful,
envious, ungrateful animal than the Public.  It is the greatest of
cowards, for it is afraid of itself.
 -- William Hazlitt (1778-1830)
%%
There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is
habitual but indecision.
 -- William James
%%
There is no music in space.
%%
There is no need for us to panic in this situation.
 -- Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones
%%
There is none made so great, but he may both need the help and service,
and stand in fear of the power and unkindness, even of the meanest of mortals.
 -- Seneca
%%
There is none so bigoted as a liberal who will permit
no view but their own.
 -- Bob Early
%%
There is none so blind as they that won't see.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue iii
%%
There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the
vast majority by adequate governmental action.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967), "An outline of Intellectual Tubbish"
%%
There is no obvious way to open the egg.
%%
There is no one cause more mysterious than another, if we look into it.
 -- Leigh Hunt
%%
There is no one else like you.
%%
There is no one orthodoxy which is the enemy of democracy.
All of them are.
 -- James Higgins
%%
There is no opinion so absurd that some philosopher will not express it.
 -- Cicero
%%
There is no other way of guarding oneself against flattery than
by letting men understand that they will not offend you by speaking
the truth; but when everyone can tell you the truth, you lose their
respect.
 -- Machiavelli
%%
There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.
 -- George Francis Gillette
%%
There is no pardon FOR Murphy's Law.
%%
There is no peace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xlviii, 22
%%
There is no permanent solution.
 -- Price Pritchett
%%
There is no personal charm so great as the charm of a cheerful
temperament.
 -- Henry van Dyke
%%
There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience.
 -- French Proverb
%%
There is no point in being proud of something you have no control over.
%%
There is no point in getting angry, but there is a
stupid malignity to all this that does try one's patience.
%%
There is no point in waiting.
The train stopped running years ago.
All the schedules, the brochures,
The bright-colored posters full of lies,
Promise rides to a distant country
That no longer exists.
%%
There is no point in worrying about apathy when you can't care less.
%%
There is no possible line of conduct which has not at some time and
place been condemned, and which at some other time and place been
enjoined as a duty.
 -- William E. H. Lecky (1838-1903)
%%
There is no Power like Firepower.
%%
There is no power without arrogance, however subtle.
%%
There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
 -- Shick's Law
%%
There is no problem that, when programmed just right, isn't more complicated.
%%
There is no problem which cannot be solved by a suitable application of
high explosives.
 -- William W. Hughes
%%
There is no proposition, no matter how foolish, for which a dozen Nobel
signatures cannot be collected. Furthermore, any such petition is guaranteed
page-one treatment in The New York Times.
 -- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
There is no proverb that is not true.
 -- Cervantes
%%
There is no psychiatrist in the world
like a puppy licking your face.
%%
There is no racial bigotry here.  Here you are all equally worthless.
 -- FULL METAL JACKET
%%
There is no rainbow without a cloud or storm.
 -- J. H. Vincent
%%
There is no rampart that will hold out against malice.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673), "Tartuffe"
%%
There is no rational basis for the concept you call luck....
 -- Avon
%%
There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the
tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not
abuse it.  So it is written in the genetic cards -- only physics and
war hold him in check.  And also the wife who wants him home by five,
of course.
 -- Encyclopedia Apocryphia
 -- 1990 edition
%%
There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
 -- Ken Olson, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977
%%
There is no refuge from confession but suicide; and suicide is confession.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Argument on the Murder of Captain White, April 6, 1830, Vol. vi, p. 54
%%
There is no religion when a man has a decent sailboard under him.
%%
There is no remedy for fun but more fun!
%%
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
There is no respect of persons with God.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans ii, 11
%%
There is no revenge so sweet as forgiveness.
%%
There is no right way to do something wrong.
%%
There is no road or ready way to virtue.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part i, Sect. lv
%%
There is no room for death,
Nor atom that his might could render void;
Thou--Thou art Being and Breath
And what Thou art may never be destroyed.
 -- Emily Bronte
%%
There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
There is no royal road to geometry.
 -- Euclid
 -- Said to king Ptolemy I
%%
There is no sadder sight in the world,
than to see a beautiful theory killed by brutal fact.
 -- Thomas Huxley, biologist (1825-1895)
%%
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
 -- James Thurber
%%
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
There is no security on this earth.  There is only opportunity.
 -- General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964), 1955
%%
There is no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out.
 -- Russian proverb
%%
There is no sin but ignorance.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1564-1593)
%%
There is no sincerity like a politician telling a lie.
%%
There is no sin except stupidity.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), "The Critic as Artist", 1891
%%
There is no situation, no matter how miserable, that
the police cannot make worse
%%
There is no skin on his thighs,
And walking comes hard.
If a man were to let himself be led like a sheep,
Remorse would disappear.
But if these words are heard
They will not be believed.
%%
There is no skin on his thighs,
And walking comes hard.
If one is mindful of the danger,
No great mistake is made.
%%
There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
 -- Randomly produced by a computer program called Markov3.
%%
There is no stopping in the read zone.
%%
There is no stronger bond of friendship than a mutual enemy.
 -- Frankfort Moore
%%
There is no substitute for cubic inches except cubic dollars.
%%
There is no substitute for cubic inches.
 -- Peter Brock
%%
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
%%
There is no substitute for hard work.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931), "Life", 1932
%%
There is no substitute for thorough going, ardent, and sincere earnestness.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
There is no such book, and never has been.
%%
There is no such thing as a convenient time for a meeting and there is no
 such thing as a meeting which lasts no longer than it should. In theory,
 the very finest meeting is one which moves along so fast that it is
 finished before it starts.
%%
There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
%%
There is no such thing as a functional illiterate.
 -- Kelvin Throop
%%
There is no such thing as a holy war.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
There is no such thing as a little country.  the greatness of a people
is no more determined by their number than the greatness of a man is
determined by his height.
 -- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
There is no such thing as a little enemy just as there is only a big
 friend. If you have no enemies, you are also apt to be in the same
 prediciment with regard to friends.
%%
There is no such thing as a little garlic.
%%
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.
books are well written, or badly written, That is all.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
There is no such thing as an absolute truth- that is absolutely true.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #25
%%
There is no such thing as an insignificant enemy.
%%
There is no such thing as a nonracial society in a multiracial country.
 -- F. W. de Klerk, President of South Africa,
 -- quoted in "Time", 11 September 1989
%%
There is no such thing as an ugly woman -- there are only
the ones who do not know how to make themselves attractive.
 -- Christian Dior
%%
There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.
%%
There is no such thing as a "self-made" man.  We are made up of
thousands of others.  Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or
spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of
our character and our thoughts, as well as our success.
 -- George Matthew Adams
%%
There is no such thing as a short beer. (As in, "I'm going to stop
off at Joe's for a short beer before I meet you.")
 -- Virginia W. Smith
%%
There is no such thing as a successful prototype.
%%
There is no such thing as bravery; only degrees of fear.
%%
There is no such thing as chance; and what seem to us merest accident
springs from the deepest source of destiny.
 -- Schiller (1759-1805)
%%
There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
%%
There is no such thing as inner peace;  there is only nervousness or death.
Any attempt to prove otherwise is a breach of manners.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
There is no such thing as instant experience.
 -- Oppenheimer's Law
%%
There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court.
 -- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938), Interview, April 1936
%%
There is no such thing as justice. There is only the desire to see the pain
spread around equally.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
There is no such thing as line noise.
 -- FIDO lie  #IV
%%
There is no such thing as military 'intelligence'.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #39
%%
There is no such thing as modern art.  There is art -- and there is
advertising.
 -- Albert Steiner
%%
There is no such thing as overkill.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
%%
There is no such thing as rape;
Woman run faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down.
%%
There is no such thing as "social gambling." Either you are there to cut
the other bloke's heart out and eat it--or you're a sucker. If you don't
like this choice--don't gamble.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
There is no such thing as water.  It is merely melted ice.
%%
There is no such whetstone, to sharpen a good wit and encourage
a will to learning, as is praise.
%%
"... there is no such word as 'impossible' in
my dictionary.   In fact, everything between
'herring' and 'marmalade' appears to be missing."
 -- Douglas Adams: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
%%
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
There is not a fiercer hell than failure in a great object.
 -- Keats
%%
There is not a "fragment" in all nature, for every relative fragment of one
thing is a full harmonious unit in itself.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself
and his family. But he can't make a living for them AND the government,
too, the way his government is living. What the government has got
to do is live as cheap as the people.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
There is not a minute to lose and not a franc...
Jean-Marie Descarpentries, newly appointed chairman of Groupe Bull Computers
%%
There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory
of some temptation we resisted.
 -- James Branch Cabell
%%
There is not enough here to assemble.
%%
There is not enough love and goodness in the world to throw
any of it away on conceited people.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
There is not enough love and kindness in the world to permit us to
give any of it to imaginary beings.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
There is no terror, Cassius, in your threats,
For I am arm'd so strong in honesty
That they pass by me as the idle wind,
Which I respect not.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
There is no theam more plentifull to scan
Than is the glorious goodly frame of man.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Sixth Day
%%
There is nothing as cheap and weak in debate as assertion that is
not backed by facts.
%%
There is nothing a young man can get by wenching but duels, the clap, and
bastards.
%%
There is nothing certain in a man's life but that he must lose it.
 -- Owen Meredith
%%
There is nothing "fair" about the "fairer sex" if they are feminizts.
%%
There is nothing here to climb. Use "up" or "out" to leave the pit.
%%
There is nothing here to which the chain can be locked.
%%
There is nothing here with which to fill the bottle.
%%
There is nothing holier, in this life of ours, than the first
consciousness of love - the first fluttering of its silken wings.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
There is nothing I love as much as a good fight.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
%%
There is nothing I'm afraid of like scared people.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
There is nothing in the world half so pleasant as a woman with a sense
of humor.
 -- Charles McCabe
%%
There is nothing in the world I value more than the friendship of women.  There
is a quality about it I do not get from men.
 -- Charles McCabe
%%
There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the
mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions
of an audience not practiced in the tricks and illusions of oratory.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
There is nothing in the world that some man cannot make a little worse
and sell a little cheaper, and he who considers price only is that
man's lawful prey.
 -- John Ruskin
%%
There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
There is nothing like a good painstaking survey full of decimal points
and guarded generalizations to put a glaze like a Sung vase on your eyeball.
 -- S. J. Perelman
%%
There is nothing like death.  To it, everything is a metaphor.
%%
There is nothing like worrying about the bowels opening to stop them
 opening
 -- Dr. Clark Kennedy
%%
There is nothing more agreeable in life than to make peace with the
establishment--and nothing more corrupting.
 -- A. J. P. Taylor
%%
There is nothing more destructive of physical and mental health than
the isolation of you from me, of us from them.
%%
There is nothing more difficult to carry out and more doubtful of
success than to initiate a new order of things. For the reformer
has enemies in all who prosper by the old order.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct,
or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction
of a new order of things.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), "The Prince"
%%
There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
There is nothing more notable in Socrates than that he found time,
when he was an old man, to learn music and dancing, and thought it
time well spent.
 -- Montaigne
%%
There is nothing more respectable than an ancient evil.
 -- Voltaire's Law
%%
There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.
 -- Gaius Valerius Catullus
%%
There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.
 -- Marie Antoinette
%%
There is nothing new in art except talent.
 -- Anton Chekhov
%%
There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things
 we don't know yet.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
There is nothing permanent except change.
 -- Heraclitus (540?-480? B.C.)
%%
There is nothing purer and more unsullied, madam, than the desire for
   revenge, but if you follow the metaphor, I've thrown a pebble into
  the water perhaps killing two birds with one stone and causing ripples
  that'll rock the High Council to its foundations.  What more could
  a renegade wish for?
 -- The Master, THE ULTIMATE FOE
%%
There is nothing quite as wonderful as money.
%%
There is nothing quite so bad as being asked to give a speech when one is
 unprepared. Well maybe there is something this bad, that that is being
 prepared to give a speech and not being asked.
%%
There is nothing quite so flattering as being 28 and having someone demand
 two forms of identification before you can be sold a drink with alcohol in
 it. About the only thing that beats this sensation is being asked for
 documentation that you actually do qualify for a senior citizens discount.
%%
There is nothing quite so good as burial at sea.  It is simple, tidy, and not
very incriminating.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
There is nothing quite so ugly and mean as reason, when it is in opposition
 to what we want to do.
%%
There is nothing rarer than the ability to recognise ability.
 -- Robert Half
%%
There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore
and too young to kick.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're
busy interrupting.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
There is nothing so asinine that governments will not proclaim it
as official doctrine.
 -- Nolan's Observation
%%
There is nothing so awkward as courting a woman whilst she is making
 sausages.
 -- Laurence Sterne
%%
There is nothing so deadly as not to hold up to people the opportunity to
 do great and wonderful things, if we wish to stimulate them in an active way.
 -- Dr. Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate in chemistry
%%
There is nothing so disastrous as a rational investment policy in an
 irrational world.
 -- John Maynard Keynes
%%
There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do
it with reluctance.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act iv, Sc. 6, 1, (805.)
%%
There is nothing so fatal to character as half-finished tasks.
 -- David Lloyd George
%%
There is nothing so habit-forming as money.
 -- Don Marquis (1878-1937)
%%
There is nothing so powerful as truth,--and often nothing so strange.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Argument on the Murder of Captain White, April 6, 1830, Vol. vi, p. 68
%%
There is nothing so simple that it cannot be made difficult.
 -- Merle P. Martin
%%
There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of
proportion.
 -- Ruckert's Law
%%
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get off the thing he
 was educated in.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
There is nothing so sure to make you forgot all of your other troubles as
 the wearing of tight shoes.
%%
There is nothing so tragic as a beautiful theory destroyed
by an ugly fact.
 -- Sherlock Holmes
%%
There is nothing so ugly and horrendous as a reasoned argument, especially
 when it does not favor our opinion.
%%
There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.
 -- Bill Gray
%%
There is nothing so unthinkable as thought, unless it be the entire
 absence of thought: Samuel Butler
%%
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently
that which should not be done at all.
 -- Peter Drucker, business philosopher and writer
%%
There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness.
 -- Han Suyin, "A Many Splendored Thing"
%%
There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals.  The
real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
There is nothing to be found in music, only the pleasure of being
 defined by it.
 -- Simon Frith
%%
There is nothing to which men cling more tenaciously than the privileges
of class.
 -- Leonard Sidney Woolf
%%
There is nothing to write about, you say. Well, then, write and let
me know just this,--that there is nothing to write about; or tell
me in the good old style if you are well. That 's right. I am quite
well.
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book i, Letter xi, 1
%%
There is nothing which cannot be answered by means of my doctrine,
said a monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.    And yet just
a short time ago, I was challenged by a scholar with an unanswerable
question, said Nasrudin.    I could have answered it if I had been
there. Very well.     He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in
the middle of the night?'
%%
There is nothing women hate so much as to see men
selfishly enjoying themselves without the solace of feminine society.
 -- Katharine Tynan Hinkson
%%
There is nothing worse than being peerless in a peer-review system.
%%
There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation.
%%
There is nothing wrong with America that a socialist revolution wouldn't cure.
%%
There is nothing wrong with Captain Picard or with the ship's logs.
  Therefore, there must be something wrong with your original assumption.
"That is not acceptable, Mr. Data."
Acceptable or not, sir, it is the truth.
 -- Data and Remmick, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
There is nothing wrong with feminizts that reincarnation won't solve.
%%
There is nothing wrong with screwing everyone in sight.  Boring your
friends about it is the sin.
 -- Liz Sommers <SOMMERS at RU-BLUE>
%%
There is nothing wrong with sex on television. However, a 25 inch set is
 much more suitable than a l3 inch set, since on the smaller set, you tend
 to fall off more often.
%%
There is nothing wrong with sex on television, just as long
as you don't fall off.
 -- Python's Principle of TV Morality
%%
There is nothynge that more dyspleaseth God,
Than from theyr children to spare the rod.
 -- John Skelton (c. 1460-1529)
 -- Magnyfycence, Line 1954
%%
There is no time in space.
%%
There is no time in space.
This is to say - there is no chronology that can be calibrated.
%%
There is no time like the pleasant.
 -- George Bergman
%%
There is not in nature a thing that makes a man so deform'd, so beastly,
as doth intemperate anger.
 -- Webster's Duchess of Malp
%%
There is not in the wide world a valley so sweet
As that vale in whose bosom the bright waters meet.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Meeting of the Waters
%%
There is not much to choose between a woman who deceives us for another,
and a woman who deceives another for ourselves.
 -- Augier
%%
There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is
the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
 -- Flon's Law
%%
There is no trajectory so pathetic as that of an artist in decline.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There is no truth in him.
 -- New Testament
 -- John viii, 44
%%
There is no TRUTH.  There is no REALITY.  There is no CONSISTENCY.
There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS   I'm very probably wrong.
%%
There is not so agonizing a feeling in the whole catalogue of human
suffering, as the first conviction that the heart of the being whom
we most tenderly love is estranged from us.
 -- Bulwer
%%
There is no un-fan for the
ca-ca to un-hit.
 -- J. Calvin Smith's Observation on Entropy
%%
There is no use crying over distilled milk.
 -- My Grandson
%%
There is no useful rule without an exception.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on
 being just as unsuccessful near home.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
%%
There is no vice so simple but assumes
Some mark of virtue in his outward parts.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
There is now a company that manufactures dehydrated drug-free urine.
%%
There is no warranty of merchantability nor any warranty of fitness for
a particular purpose nor any other warranty, either express or implied,
on the accuracy of the enclosed materials or their suitability for any
particular purpose.  Therefore, Amdahl Corporation and Bell Telephone
Laboratories assume no responsibility for their use by the recipient.
Further, Amdahl corporation and Bell Laboratories assume no obligation
to furnish any help of any kind whatsoever, or to furnish any additional
information or documentation.
 -- man(1), "crypt"
%%
There is no water in the lake:
The image of Exhaustion.
Thus the superior man stakes his life
On following his will.
%%
There is no way across the fissure.
%%
There is no way across the river.
%%
There is no way to get a grip on a dog so that you can give it a legitimate
 hug. You wind up hugging it around some delicate reproductive organ ...
 Puppies smell fine. Old dogs don't smell that terrific. But when it comes
 to dogs in their middle period, it's not that clear-cut. One of the
 toughest and most exhausting things to figure out is if a middle-aged dog
 smells all right or if it's a little off.
 -- Bruce Jay Friedman
%%
There is no way to peace; peace is the way.
%%
There is no wild beast so ferocious as Christians who differ concerning
their faith.
 -- William E. H. Lecky (1838-1903)
%%
There is no Windows software;only WINOS2 software
%%
There is no wisdom like frankness.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser
 so terrible as the conscience that dwells in every man.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
There is no work of genius which has not been the delight of mankind,
no word of genius to which the human heart and soul have not sooner
or later responded.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Rousseau and the Sentimentalists
%%
There is no worse heresy than that the office sanctifies the holder of
it.  That is the point at which the negation of Catholicism and the
negation of Liberalism meet and keep high festival, and the end learns
to justify the means.
 -- Lord Acton (1834-1902)
%%
There is no X in ESPRESSO.
%%
There is no XXXXXXX place for censorship!
%%
There isn't a door which can stop a lover or a cat.
%%
There isn't a lock I can't open -- if I'm scared enough....
 -- Vila
%%
There isn't a whole lot one can say in 50 characte
%%
There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us.
%%
There isn't time enough for love, so what does that leave for hate?
%%
There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
There is one around here somewhere.
 -- John Croll
%%
There is one art of which man should be master -- the art of reflection.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
There is one big problem with retirement. No longer are you able to do
 anything on company time.
%%
There is one called Bob among them. He is mine.
%%
There is one comforting conclusion which is easy for a real mathematician.
Real mathematics has no effects on war. No one has yet discovered any warlike
purpose to be served by the theory of numbers or relativity, and it seems
unlikely that anyone will do so for many years.
 -- G. H. Hard, "A Mathematician's Apology", 1940
%%
There is one difference between a discussion and a flame. A discussion
is about an issue. A flame is about someone involved in a discussion.
%%
There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist --
the taxidermist leaves the hide.
 -- Mortimer Caplan
%%
There is one God, but which one is He?
%%
There is one good thing about talking to your plants, they don't interrupt.
%%
There is one in every crowd, and they always find me.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
There is one inflexible rule of television. No show is too bad to
be run during the summer.
%%
There is one picture on TV I'll never forget - the picture of a man
being pulled from his truck and being beaten to death.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about a LA riot video
                   tape showing 33-year-old Reginald Denny being beaten
                   unconscious.  Denny, however, did not die from the attack.
                   (Reported by AP 5/1/92, taken from the Quayle Quarterly,
                   Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
There is one right, which man is generally thought to possess, which I
am confident he neither does, nor can, possess: a right to subsistence
when his labour will not fairly purchase it.  Our laws indeed say that
he has this right, and bind the society to furnish employment and food
to those who cannot get them in the regular market; but in so doing,
they attempt to reverse the laws of nature.
 -- Thomas Robert Malthus (1766-1834)
%%
There is one rule for the industrialist and that is: Make the
best quality of
goods possible at the lowest cost possible, paying the highest
wages possible.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
There is one single fact which we may oppose to all the wit and argument
of infidelity, namely, that no man ever repented of being a christian on
his death bed.
 -- Hannah More
%%
There is one sin that is unforgivable, and that is to be unforgiving.
%%
There is one surprise in life that we can still experience, and that is
 that there are some things in this life which can and do surprise us.
%%
There is one tactical principle that remains unchanged.  It is:to so
use the means at hand to inflict the maximum amount of destruction on
the enemy, in the minimum time.
 -- Gen. George S. Patton, 4/14/44,
 -- First Letter of Instruction to the Third Army
%%
There is one thing far worse than waiting two months for a dental
 appointment, and that is getting in to see the dentist the very next day.
%%
There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't,
and that's a spouse who can't cook and will.
%%
There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an
idea whose time has come.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
There is one thing to be said for country clubs; they drain off a lot of
people you wouldn't want to associate with anyway.
 -- Joseph Prescott
%%
There is one way to find out if a man is honest--ask him. If he says yes,
 you know he is crooked.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
There is only one beautiful child in the world, and every mother has it.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.
 -- Paul Rudnick
%%
There is only one commandment:  Thou Shalt Not Waste.
All the others are superfluous.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.
 -- Salvador Dali
%%
There is only one greater folly than that of the fool who says in his
heart there is no God, and that is the folly of the people that says
with its head that it does not know whether there is a God or not.
 -- Otto von Bismark (1815-1898)
%%
There is only one group which would ever call for the banning of 'The
 Diary of Ann Frank', and I don't care what they happen to be calling
 themselves these days.
 -- Alan Moore 1/87
%%
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a
human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human
failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
 -- Bill Wulf
%%
There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Plays Pleasant and Unpleasant"
%%
There is only one sort of genuine Socialism, the democratic sort,
by which I mean the organization of society for the benefit of the whole
people.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
There is only one step from fanaticism to barbarism.
%%
There is only one success -- to be able to spend your life in your own way.
 -- Christopher Morley
%%
There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and
that is to contradict other philosophers.
 -- William James
%%
There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who
 enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is
not being talked about.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
There is only one thing in the world worse than playing squash together,
 and that is playing it by yourself.
 -- Oscar Wilde, according to Monty Python
%%
There is only one thing worse than a president without a backbone...
a president without a backbone with a wife that pulls his strings.
Yeah! I sure am glad that Ronnie's outta there!
 -- Article from alt.president.clinton
%%
There is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a conference
and waking up to find that you are at a conference: and that is the
conference where you can't fall asleep.
%%
There is only one universal passion: fear.
%%
There is only one valuable thing in art: the thing you cannot explain.
%%
There is only one way to console a widow, but remember the risk.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
There is only one way to kill capitalism - by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
 -- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
Thereisonlysomuchyoucansayusingjustfiftyletters.
%%
There IS order to MY Chaos.
%%
There is perhaps no surer mark of folly, than to attempt to correct natural
infirmities of those we love.
%%
There is properly no history; only biography.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "History"
%%
There is really no need for soap operas. Each of us leads a life of our
 own, the pace is a bit slower and the dialogue a little less certain, but
 the dirt is there.
%%
There is really no use in aiming high in life if you are too lazy to pull
 the trigger.
%%
There is real magic in enthusiasm.  It spells the difference between
mediocrity and accomplishment.
 -- Norman Vincent Peale
%%
There is safety in anonymity.
%%
   There is scarcely an occurrence in nature which, happening
at a certain time, is not looked upon by some persons as a
prognosticator either of good or evil.  The latter are in the
greatest number, so much more ingenious are we in tormenting
ourselves than in discovering reasons for enjoyment in the
things that surround us.
 -- Charles Mackay
 -- Extraordinary Popular Delusions. . .
%%
There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And
then there is California.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There is serenity in Chaos.
Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane.
%%
There is sex after death. You get laid in the coffin.
%%
There is some dynamite here.
%%
There is some soul of goodness in things evil,
Would men observingly distil it out.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
There is something about a wedding-gown prettier than in any other
gown in the world.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- A Wedding-gown
%%
There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to
animals.  What I'm talking about, of course, is cat juggling.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
There is something in the pang of change
More than the heart can bear,
Unhappiness remembering happiness.
 -- Euripides
%%
There is something in this more than natural, if philosophy could find it out.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far,
something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
There is something to be said about me: "Wow!!"
%%
There is something very suspicious about a man who keeps
his booze under lock and key....
 -- Vila
%%
There is something you must understand about the Soviet system. They have the
ability to concentrate all their efforts on a given design, and develop all
components simultaneously, but sometimes without proper testing.
Then they end up with a technological disaster like the Tu-144.
In a technology race at the time, that aircraft was two months ahead of the
Concorde. Four Tu-144s were built; two have crashed, and two are in museums.
The Concorde has been flying safely for over 10 years.
 -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
 -- "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 100
%%
There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of
us, that is behooves all of us not to talk about the rest of us.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson, "Good and Bad"
%%
There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
 would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
 -- AMAZING BUT TRUE...
%%
There is such a fine line between genius and stupidity.
 -- David St. Hubbins, Spinal Tap
%%
    There is talk in some learned circles in our major cities about whether or
not satyrs, centaurs, griffins and certain other fantastic beasts really exist,
or are only the product of the popular imagination. As a wizard, I, of course,
tend to side with the satyrs, centaurs and griffins, especially when these
beasts begin to doubt the existence of any learned circles in our major cities.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXXVI
%%
There is that glorious epicurean paradox uttered by my friend the historian,
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, vi
%%
There is the greatest practical benefit in making
 a few failures early in life.
 -- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
There is the risk that you can not afford to take, and there is the
 risk that you can not afford not to take.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
    There is the truth, and there are lies, and there is nothing on Earth or in
the Netherhells that does not fall under one of these two headings, with the
exception of politics.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. LXXXVIII
%%
There is this difference between happiness and wisdom; he that thinks
himself the happiest man really is so; but he that thinks himself
the wisest, is generally the greatest fool.
 -- Colton
%%
There is this to be said for walking: It's the one mode of human locomotion by
which a man proceeds on his own two feet, upright, erect, as a man should be,
not squatting on his rear haunches like a frog.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
%%
There is water on Mars, we've seen canals
 -- Dan Quayle
%%
There is what I call the American idea.... This idea demands, as the
proximate organization thereof, a democracy,--that is, a government
of all the people, by all the people, for all the people; of course,
a government of the principles of eternal justice, the unchanging
law of God. For shortness' sake I will call it the idea of Freedom.
 -- Theodore Parker (1810-1860)
 -- Speech at the N. E. Antislavery Convention, Boston, May 29, 1850
%%
There it was, hidden in alphabetical order.
 -- Rita Holt
%%
There... I've run rings 'round you logically
 -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
%%
There just isn't any pleasing some people.  The trick is to stop trying.
 -- Walter Slovotsky, The Warrior Lives by Joel Rosenberg
%%
There just isn't any way to discreetly shoplift a piano.
%%
The relative importance of files depends on their cost
in terms of the human effort needed to regenerate them.
 -- T. A. Dolotta
%%
The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has
  merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of
thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind.  If
only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The release of emotion is what keeps us healthy.  Emotionally healthy.
That may be, Doctor.  However, I have noted that the healthy release
of emotion is frequently unhealthy for those closest to you.
 -- McCoy and Spock, "Plato's Stepchildren," stardate 5784.3
%%
The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the
number and significance of any persons watching it.
 -- Watson's Law
%%
The reliance on vendors is a good thing.
%%
The religion and public liberty of a people are intimately connected;
their interests are interwoven, they cannot subsist separately, and
therefore they rise and fall together. For this reason, it is always
observable that those who are combined to destroy a people's
liberties practice every art to poisn their morals.
 -- Samuel Adams, 1772
%%
The religion most prevalent in our northern colonies is a refinement
on the principles of resistance: it is the dissidence of dissent,
and the protestantism of the Protestant religion.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech on the Conciliation of America, Vol. ii, p. 123
%%
The religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits suicide.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
 The religion which has introduced civil liberty is the religion of
 Christ and his apostles, which enjoins humility, piety, and benevolence;
 which acknowledges in every person a brother, or a sister, and a citizen
 with equal rights.   This is genuine Christianity, and to this we owe our
 free constitutions of government.
 -- Noah Webster, _A History of the United States_
%%
The religious right isn't.
%%
There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them
is fat and grows old.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
  There lives more faith in honest doubt,
Believe me, than in half the creeds.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xcvi, Stanza 3
%%
The remainder of your day will be splendidly mediocre.
%%
The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as
twilight approaches.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good,
 in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
 -- Robert Graves
%%
There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have children, but
there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.
%%
There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than
 sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
There may come a time when the lion and the lamb will lie down together,
but I am still betting on the lion.
 -- Henry Wheeler Shaw (1818-1885)
%%
The remedy in the United States is not less liberty but real liberty --
an end to the brutal intolerance of churchly hooligans and flag-waving
corporations and all the rest of the small but bloody despots who have
made the word Americanism a synonym for coercion and legal crime.
 -- Archibald MacLeash (b. 1892)
%%
The remedy is worse than the disease.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Seditions
%%
The removal of a threat is not a payment, the negation of a negative is
not a reward, the withdrawal of your armed hoodlums is not an incentive,
the offer not to murder me is not a value.
 -- John Galt
%%
There must be 50 ways to love your liver ...
%%
There must be a demand for useless software.
%%
There must be a hundred reasons why I shouldn't blow you away.
Right now I can't think of one.
 -- Clint Eastwood, The Rookie
%%
There must be an ideal world, a sort of mathematician's paradise
where everything happens as it does in textbooks.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
There must be more fools than knaves in the world, or
else the knaves wouldn't have enough to live on.
%%
There must be more to life than having everything.
 -- Maurice Sendak
%%
There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
%%
There must be some kind of way out of here...
 -- the joker to the thief
%%
"There must be some mistake," he said, "are you not a greater computer
than the Milliard Gargantubrain which can count all the atoms in a star in a
millisecond?"
"The Milliard Gargantubrain?" said Deep Thought with unconcealed contempt.
"A mere abacus. Mention it not."
 -- Douglas Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
There must be underinvestment in bulls- just look at the rate of return.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
   The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of
their human being.  Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg
for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated
by a bull.  It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that
made him the father of the Renaissance.  It was an age of great inventions and
discoveries.  Gutenberg invented the Bible.  Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
figure because he invented cigarettes.    Another important invention was the
circulation of blood.  Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot
clipper.
 -- Richard Lederer, "Student Bloopers"
%%
There never is [profit] in revenge. Let the dead rest, and the past
  remain the past.
 -- Picard, "The Battle", stardate 41723.9
%%
There never was a bad man that had ability for good service.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France,
 -- Speech in opening the Impeachment of Warren Hastings, Third Day,
 -- Vol. x, p. 54
%%
There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.
 -- R.W. Emerson
%%
There never was a devil who didn't advise people to keep out of Hell.
%%
There never was a good war or a bad peace.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Letter to Josiah Quincy, Sept. 11, 1773
%%
There never was a good war or a bad revolution.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There never was any remarkable lawgiver amongst any people who did
not resort to divine authority.
%%
There never was in the world two opinions alike, no more than two
hairs or two grains; the most universal quality is diversity.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xxxvii,
 -- Of the Resemblance of Children to their Fathers
%%
"...The renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink.  He drained it
quickly before anything serious happened to it.  He then had another quick
one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right.  He then
sent a third drink down to see why the second hadn't yet reported on the
condition of the first.  He poured another drink down with the plan that
it would head the previous one off at the pass, join forces with it, and
together they would get the second to pull itself together.  Then all three
would go off in search of the first, give it a good talking to.

He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had understood all that so
he sent down a fifth to explain the plan more fully and a sixth for moral
support."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
There once was a master programmer who wrote unstructured programs.
A novice programmer, seeking to imitate him, also began to write
unstructured programs. When the novice asked the master to evaluate
his progress, the master criticized him for writing unstructured
programs, saying "What is appropriate for the master is not
appropriate for the novice. You must understand Tao before
transcending structure."
%%
There once was an old man from Esser, Who's knowledge grew lesser
and lesser. It
at last grew so small, He knew nothing at all, And now he's a College
Professor.
%%
There once was a system called VMS
Of cycles by no means abstemious.
It's chock full of hacks
And runs on a VAX
And makes my poor stomach all squeamious.
 -- The Great Quux
%%
There ought to be a background check on purchasers of modems.
%%
There ought to be an FAA requirement that crying babies have to go into the
 overhead compartment.
 -- Bobby Slayton
%%
There ought to be a system of manners in every nation which a
well-formed mind would be disposed to relish.  To make us love our
country, our country ought to be lovely.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
 The repair man will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 28
%%
The reported resort to astrology in the White House has occasioned much
merriment.  It is not funny.  Astrological gibberish, which means
astrology generally, has no place in a newspaper, let alone government.
Unlike comics, which are part of a newspaper's harmless pleasure and
make no truth claims, astrology is a fraud.  The idea that it gets a
hearing in government is dismaying.
 -- George F. Will, Washing Post Writers Group
%%
The report of my death was an exaggeration.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The report that important decisions in the White House were based on
astrological advice is most disturbing. The results could undermine faith
in astrology.
 -- Letter to the Editor, "New York Times", 1988
%%
The Republican administration has failed to enforce the Prohibition law;
is guilty of trafficking in liquor permits, and has become the protector
of violators of this law.  The Democratic Party pledges to respect and
enforce the Constitution and all laws.
 -- Democratic National Platform, 1924
%%
The Republican Health Care Plan: Don't Get Sick!
%%
The Republicans assure us in their speeches that 'big government
can't solve any problems' and then they govern in such a way as to prove it.
%%
"[The Republicans'] platform was 30,000 words long,
 3,000 of which was the word 'God'."
 -- Mark Russell
%%
The reputation of a man is like his shadow: It sometimes follows
and sometimes precedes him, it is sometimes longer and sometimes
shorter than his natural size.
%%
The reputation of a person is precious, and the character of a person is
 priceless.
%%
There really is no substitute for holding the reins.
 -- Picard to Riker, "The Icarus Factor", stardate 42686.4
%%
There really is no such thing as a fairly good pancake.
%%
There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out.
 -- Lou Reed, Magic and Loss
%%
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt.
%%
There 's a bower of roses by Bendemeer's stream.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Lalla Rookh, The Veiled Prophet of Khorassan
%%
There's a brain in my tumour!
%%
"There's a bug born every minute, and two to replace him."
 -- P. T. Bugem
%%
There's a bug somewhere in your code.
%%
There's a certain inefficiency in constantly questioning me on things
  you've already made up your mind about.
 -- Spock, "The Corbomite Maneuver," stardate 1514.0.
%%
  There's a comedian over here in Britain called Jack Dee who came
out with a great string of Famous Last Words.  He came up with
the idea of a Black Box Recorder for cars, so that you could
find out the last thing that was said in the car before crashing!
   'Reduce Speed Now'. Hmmmmm, I think I know when to apply MY
     brakes .... <CRASH>
    Mum, Dad, I want to be a woman! <CRASH>
%%
There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.
 -- Charles M. Schulz
%%
There's a difference between beauty and charm.  A beautiful woman
is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me.
 -- John Erskine
%%
There 's a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough-hew them how we will.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
There's a double standard about sex. A father or mother becomes a father or
 mother. Beautiful. The arrival of a child is celebrated. But how that child
 was created and arrived is something that is cloaked in secrecy. They're
 ashamed of it. They thought it was pretty clever when they did it ...
 -- Jackie Mason
%%
There's a droid running crazy in my lounge.
%%
There's a final in from Rome: Lions 45 Christians 0.
%%
There's a fine line between an attitude problem and thinking clearly.
 -- Aaron Heller
%%
"There's a fine line between an attitude problem and thinking
 clearly."
 -- ...understanding Cynicism...
%%
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.
Too bad that it's not a fence.
%%
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an
 idiot.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this
  line.
 -- Oscar Levant (1906-1972)
%%
There's a fundamental rule of automation that says
Everything automatically done _for_ you simultaneously does
 something unpredicted and usually unpleasant _to_ you.
%%
There's a fungus among us.
%%
There 's a good time coming, boys!
  A good time coming.
 -- Charles Mackay (1814-1889)
 -- The Good Time coming
%%
There's a great power in words,
it you don't hitch too many of them together.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
There's a hole somewhere in that girl's marble bag.
%%
There's a hot place with pitchforks waiting.
%%
There's a killer on the road; his brain is squirming like a toad.
 -- Jim Morrison
%%
There's a lady who knows, all that glitters is gold.
 -- Led Zeppelin
%%
"There's a large amount of evidence saying that the man's point of view is
largely irrelevant."
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
There's a lesson in there somewhere.
%%
There's a little bit of Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer in all of us.
%%
There's a little black spot on the sun today.
%%
There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS
 in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
There's a long hard road and a full, hard drive
And a sector there where I feel alive
Every bit of every byte
Is written down once on the night
Networking, I'm user friendly..."
 -- Warren Zevon, Networking, Transverse City
%%
There's a lot of morons out there and this gotta be stopped. If you look at
 the death penalty--we've got to start thinning out the herd and murder
 might be the only way to do it.

 This guy in Texas is going to get the electric chair. He's borderline
 psycho, borderline retarded. He's not like either one. He's like a
 singer/actress--can't do either one really well but dabbles in both fields.
 All these guilty liberals are saying, "You can't kill crazy people, they're
 crazy. They don't know what they did."

 Well, if they don't know what they did, then they don't know you're gonna
 kill 'em! Put 'em in the electric chair and tell 'em it's a ride.
 -- Bobby Slayton
%%
There's a lot than can be said about procrastination, but this isn't the time
to talk about it.
 -- Kevin Barkes
%%
There's a lot to be said, for a blow to the head.
%%
There's a lot to be said for being noveau riche,
and the Reagans mean to say it all.
 -- Gore Vidal, in "The Observer", 1981
%%
There's a lot to be said for not saying a lot.
%%
There's a lot to be said for total silence.
%%
There's a lovely paper which compares Unix to Zork in both cognitive and
 user motivational terms.   Maybe you like Unix because it's an adventure
 game?  Still, I just don't think Unix will succeed as a theme park (some
 small fraction of :-)
 -- Bruce Cohen
%%
There's always 1 more SOB than you counted on.
%%
There's always 1 weirdo on a bus-but I couldn't find him!
%%
There's always a loophole.
%%
There's always been Tower of Babel sort of bickering inside Unix, but this
 is the most extreme form ever.   This means at least several years of
 confusion.
 -- Bill Gates, founder and chairman of Microsoft,
    about the Open Systems Foundation
%%
There's always one guy who tries to impress you with how big a joint he can
 roll. The guy takes the Sunday Times, drops a kilo brick in with the
 strings on it ... we roll it up and pass it around ... have to use
 fireplace tongs for the roach. And all of a sudden I realize--I've
 oversmoked. Oh yeah. You can tell when you've oversmoked--when you try and
 brush something off your shoulder and it's the floor.
 -- Chris Rush
%%
There's always one more bug, even after that one is removed.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #2
%%
There's always one more bug.
 -- Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology
%%
There's always someone willing to disagree with me; but I'm the one who's
called controversial.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
There's always the temptation to let other people think you're normal.
%%
There's always time for a hockey game!
%%
There's a masochist who loves a cold shower every morning--so he has a warm
 one.
 -- David Frost
%%
There's a mighty big difference between good, sound reasons and reasons
that sound good.
 -- Burton Hillis
%%
There's a moon tonight and a road outside baby we're getting outta here.
%%
There's an art of knowing when.
               Never try to guess.
       Toast until it smokes and then
               twenty seconds less.
 -- Piet Hein ("Grooks 2")
%%
Theres an echo around here!
%%
There's a new birth-control pill for women. You put it between your knees
 and keep it there.
 -- Bill Barner
%%
There's a new organization being formed. It's called Feminists, Homeless,
and Blacks for Limbaugh. And they're meeting in a phone booth in Wichita.
 -- Larry King
%%
There's a new outfit in New York City called New York Pride, which is
attempting to get New Yorkers to at least pretend that they don't hate
everybody.  This program resulted from a survey in which researchers
asked tourists how come they didn't want to come back to New York, and
the tourists said it was because there was so much mean-spiritedness.
So the researchers spat on them.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you,
and how much fun it is.
 -- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
There's an Italian in my room and he won't go away!
%%
There's a nit! Quick! Pick it!
%%
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
%%
There's an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to
 use as his telephone.  That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to
 use my telephone.
 -- Stroustrup
%%
There's another dead bishop on the landing, Vicar-Sergeant!
    ...Really? What diocese?
%%
There's another way to survive.  Mutual trust -- and help.
 -- Kirk, "Day of the Dove," stardate unknown.
%%
There's antimony arsenic aluminum selenium
and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
and nickel neodymium neptunium germanium
and iron americium ruthenium uranium
europium zirconium lutetium vanadium
and lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium
and gold and protactinium and indium and gallium
and iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium
There's yttrium ytterbium actinium rubidium
and boron gadolinium niobium iridium
and strontium and silicon and silver samarium
and bismuth bromine lithium beryllium and barium
Isn't that interesting? I knew you would.
I hope you're all taking notes because there's gonna be a short quiz
next period.
 -- "the elements" by Tom Lehrer. [part 1]
%%
There's a party in my mind, and I can never leave.
%%
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices.  In the back
 you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
There's a plot to make it look like I'm a paranoid!!!
 -- Amos Salmonson
%%
There's a reason why there's no "OS" in Windows...
%%
There's a red house over yonder, that's where my baby stays.
 -- Hendrix.
%%
There's a revised version of "The customer is always right" which I
find much more appealing, which is:
"The customer may not always be right,
but the customer is always the customer."
I believe I got that from Mike.
%%
There 's a skirmish of wit between them.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
There's a sophisticated area of the business called "pending." When you
 call your agent about a particular job, he never says he can't get you the
 job. He says you are "pending" for the job. In the same sense that an
 acne-covered high school student holding a Playboy magazine is "pending" to
 make it with the centerfold model.
 -- Richard Jeni
%%
There 's a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now,
't is not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be
not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all. Since no man has
aught of what he leaves, what is 't to leave betimes?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
There's a standard formula for success in the entertainment medium, and
 that is: "Beat it to death if it succeeds."
 -- Ernie Kovacs
%%
There 's a sweet little cherub that sits up aloft,
To keep watch for the life of poor Jack.
 -- Charles Dibdin (1745-1814)
 -- Poor Jack
%%
There's a thrill in store for all for we're about to toast
The corporation that we represent.
We're here to cheer each pioneer and also proudly boast,
Of that man of men our sterling president
The name of T. J. Watson means
A courage none can stem
And we feel honored to be here to toast the IBM.
 -- Ever Onward [from the 1940 IBM Songbook]
%%
There's a time for science and a time for playing pool.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
There's a time to fight, and a time to hide out!
 -- B. Cassidy
%%
There's a time when you have to explain to your children why they're
born, and it's a marvelous thing if you know the reason by then.
%%
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
%%
There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away
when your eyes move toward it
%%
There's a vas deferens between children and no children.
%%
There's a vas deferens between men and women.
%%
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage.
 -- James Holt McGavran
%%
There's a way out of any cage.
 -- Captain Christopher Pike, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"),
       stardate unknown.
%%
There's a whole Lalo Schifrin goin' on.
%%
There's a whole lifetime stretching ahead of me!
%%
There's a whole manual of obsolete features!
%%
There's a whole WORLD in a mud puddle!
 -- Doug Clifford
%%
There 's a woman like a dewdrop, she 's so purer than the purest.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Blot in the 'Scutcheon, Act i, Sc. iii
%%
There's a Yankee in my closet - will trade for skeleton.
%%
There's been no top authority saying what marijuana does to you.  I
really don't know that much about it.  I tried it once but it didn't do
anything to me.
 -- John Wayne
%%
There 's beggary in the love that can be reckon'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
    There's certainly a growing atmosphere of academic
totalitarianism.  It shows up in things like the attacks on
the legitimacy of the more eclectic and interdisciplinary
fields, or in the increasing constraints on student choice.
 -- Tom Naylor
%%
There 's daggers in men's smiles.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
There seems no plan because it is all plan.
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
There seems to be an ECHO in here!
%%
There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which
the fear of being contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost
all sense and meaning.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
There's going to be some changes around here!
%%
There's good rocking at midnight.
%%
There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
%%
There Shakespeare, on whose forehead climb
The crowns o' the world; oh, eyes sublime
With tears and laughter for all time!
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- A Vision of Poets
%%
There shall be in England seven halfpenny loaves sold for a penny;
the three-hooped pot shall have ten hoops; and I will make it felony
to drink small beer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
There shall be no love lost.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Every Man out of his Humour, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
There shall he love when genial morn appears,
Like pensive Beauty smiling in her tears.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 95
%%
There shall never be one lost good! What was, shall live as before;
  The evil is null, is nought, is silence implying sound;
What was good shall be good, with for evil so much good more;
  On the earth the broken arcs; in the heaven, a perfect round.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Abt Vogler, ix
%%
there's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium
and phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium
and manganese and mercury molybdenum magnesium
dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium
and lead praseodymium and platinum and plutonium
palladium promethium potassium polonium
and tantalum technetium titanium tellurium
and cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium
There's sulfur californium and fermium berkelium
and also mendelevium einsteinium nobelium
and argon krypton neon radon xenon zinc and rhodium
and chlorine carbon cobalt copper tungsten tin and sodium
These are the only ones of which the news has come to hahvard
and there may be many others but they haven't been discahverd.
 -- "the elements" by Tom Lehrer. [part 2]
%%
There 's hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half a year.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
There should be a detective show called "Johnny Monkey," because every week you
 could have a guy say "I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY," but then he
 would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
There should be a law to hunt those things with 12 ga. shotguns!
%%
There 's husbandry in heaven;
Their candles are all out.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
There sinks the nebulous star we call the sun.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part iv, Line 1
%%
There's just something I don't like about Virginia; the state.
%%
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.
%%
There's little in taking or giving,
   There's little in water or wine:
This living, this living, this living,
      Was never a project of mine.
Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is
 The gain of the one at the top,
For art is a form of catharsis,
      And love is a permanent flop,
And work is the province of cattle,
    And rest's for a clam in a shell,
So I'm thinking of throwing the battle --
  Would you kindly direct me to hell?
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
There's Loonies running freely through the halls.
%%
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good
teacher.
 -- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
%%
There's more than one way through a wall.
%%
There's more than one way to skin a cat, but there  ain't no way
to make the cat enjoy it.
 -- Jed Clampett
%%
There's more to BBSing than meets the modem.
%%
There's more to life than sitting around in the sun in
your underwear playing the clarinet.
%%
There's more to living than not dying.
%%
There's my way, and then there's the easy way.
%%
There 's nae sorrow there, John,
There 's neither cauld nor care, John,
The day is aye fair,
    In the land o' the leal.
 -- Lady Nairne (1766-1845)
 -- The Land o' the Leal
%%
There 's naught in this life sweet,
If man were wise to see 't,
    But only melancholy;
    O sweetest Melancholy!
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Nice Valour, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
There 's neither honesty, manhood, nor good fellowship in thee.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
There's never been a planet Janet hasn't seen.
%%
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want
 -- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson
%%
There's never time to do it right,
but there's always time to do it over.
 -- Meskimen's Law
%%
There's never time to do the job right,
so we must find time to do it again.
%%
There's no accounting for taste!
 -- Colonel Sanders
%%
There's no accounting for taste.
 -- Col Sanders
%%
There 's no art
To find the mind's construction in the face.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
There's no BODY-CHECKING in golf!!!
 -- Charlie Brown to Lucy.
%%
There's no bug in this program. It's the C optimizer!!
%%
There's no bug in this program. It's the operating system!!
%%
There's no business like guru business.
 -- Norman Spinrad
%%
There's no business like show business, but there are several
businesses like accounting.
 -- David Letterman
%%
There's no business like show business...
 -- Irving Berlin
%%
There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our
whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
 -- Walt Kelly
%%
There's no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.
%%
There's no friend like a Computer Addicts friend!
%%
There's no future in time travel.
%%
"There's no garbage in California."
"That's because they turn it into television shows."
 -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%%
There's no greater folly than trying to reform society.
%%
There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy.  There
  is nothing good in war.  Except its ending.
 -- Abraham Lincoln, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.5.
%%
There's no limit to how complicated things can get,
on account of one thing always lending to another.
 -- E. B. White, Quo vadimus?
%%
There's no merit in discipline under ideal circumstances.  I'll have it
in the face of death, or it's useless.
 -- Hober Mallow
%%
There's no more mercy in him than there is milk in a male tiger.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
There's no mystical force that controls MY destiny.
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
There's none deceived but he that trusts.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
There's no need to fear, UNDERDOG is here!
%%
There's no place here for a man who says what he means.
%%
There's no place like home.
%%
There's no place like home when you're not feeling well.
 -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
There's no place like real mode.  I love it.
%%
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish--sometimes.
 -- Dr. Tom Baker, ROBOT
%%
There's no point in suspending a demonstration game.
%%
           There's no present. There's only the immediate future
             and the recent past.
 -- George Carlin
%%
There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and
make it even worse.
 -- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
There's no real need to do housework,
after four years it doesn't get any worse.
%%
There's no reason to bring religion into it.  I think we ought to have as
great a regard for religion as we can, so as to keep it out of as many things
as possible.
 -- Sean O'Casey
 -- The Plough and The Stars
%%
There's no recession. I just LIKE being underemployed!
%%
There's no room in my closets for another damned thing, let alone me!
%%
There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
 -- Raoul Duke
%%
There's no saint like a reformed sinner.
%%
There's no sense worrying about life. Nobody gets out alive.
%%
There's no skeletons in my closet!
%%
There's no such thing as a dangerous weapon, only dangerous men.
%%
There's no such thing as a free Tag Line.
%%
There's no such thing as an easier route, but it's an easier route.
%%
There's no such thing as a non-working mother.
%%
There's no such thing as an original sin...
 -- Elvis Costello
%%
There's no such thing as an unsuccessful operation. It's the recovery that
 gets 'em.
 -- Lee Tully
%%
There's no such thing as a theft-proof tagline...
%%
There's no such thing as a too-recent backup!
%%
There's no such thing as a Vulcan Death Grip
%%
There's no such thing as a well adjusted slave.
%%
There's no such thing as gravity - the earth sucks.
%%
There 's no such thing in Nature; and you 'll draw
A faultless monster which the world ne'er saw.
 -- Sheffield, Duke of Buckinghamshire (1649-1720)
 -- Essay on Poetry
%%
There's no such thing, you know, as picking out the best woman: it's only a
 question of comparative badness, brother.
 -- Titus Maccius Plautus
%%
There's no such word as FAIL in my vocabulary!
%%
There's no surefool way of proceeding.
%%
There 's not a joy the world can give like that it takes away.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Dream, Stanzas for Music
%%
There's not a lot of warmth between me and my mother. I asked her about it.
 I said, "Mrs. Stoller ..."
 -- Fred Stoller
%%
There 's not a sea the passenger e'er pukes in,
Turns up more dangerous breakers than the Euxine.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto v, Stanza 5
%%
There 's not a string attuned to mirth
But has its chord in melancholy.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Ode to Melancholy
%%
There's not enough sax and violins on television.
%%
There's no thief like a bad book.
 -- Italian Proverb
%%
There's nothing a concentrated phaser blast can't solve.
%%
"There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know
whether he believes in anything or not."
 -- Monty Python
%%
There's nothing as dull as yesterday's Headlines.
%%
There's nothing athletes like - or indeed hate - more than hanging
  around like this.
 -- David Coleman, BBC 1 TV
%%
There's nothing better than being cool and having a lot of friends...
 Except being uncool and having one real friend.
 -- Doogie Howser
%%
There's nothing better than good sex.  But bad sex?  A peanut butter
and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.
 -- Billy Joel
%%
There's nothing disgusting about it [the Companion].  It's just
  another life form, that's all.  You get used to those things.
 -- McCoy, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3219.8.
%%
There's nothing funny about a funeral. Except in the South ... Southerners
 are naturally humorous. The funeral procession started by and everybody got
 quiet, put their hand over their heart, and I whispered to this ol' boy,
 "Who died?" He said, "The one in the first car."
 -- Jerry Clower
%%
There's nothing here but a useless pile of bones and organs.
%%
There's nothing here it wants to eat (except perhaps you).
%%
There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear.
 -- Daniel Dennett
%%
There 's nothing ill can dwell in such a temple:
If the ill spirit have so fair a house,
Good things will strive to dwell with 't.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
There's nothing in the middle of the road
but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.
 -- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner, in "Time", 3 April 1989
%%
There's nothing in the world like the devotion of a married women;
 it's the thing no married man knows anything about.
%%
There's nothing like a cold beer at the beginning of a long day.
%%
There's nothing like a girl with a plunging neckline to keep a man on his toes.
%%
There's nothing like a Guinness.
%%
There 's nothing like being used to a thing.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
"There's nothing like eating hay when you're faint," he remarked to her, as he
munched away.
"I should think throwing cold water over you would be better," Alice suggested:
"-- or some sal-volatile."
"I didn't say there was nothing BETTER," the King replied, "I said there
was nothing LIKE it."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
There's nothing like good food, good wine, and a bad girl.
%%
There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito.
 -- Monty Python
%%
There's nothing more demoralizing than money.
 -- Sophocles
%%
There's nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.
%%
 ... there's nothing of any importance in life -- except how well
you do your work.  Nothing.  Only that.  Whatever else you are,
will come from that.  It's the only measure of human value.  All
the codes of ethics they'll try to ram down your throat are just
so much paper money put out by swindlers to fleece people of their
virtues.  The code of competence is the only system of morality
that's on a gold standard.
 -- Francisco d'Anconia
%%
There's nothing remarkable about it.
All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time
and the instrument plays itself.
 -- Johann Sebastian Bach
%%
There's nothing so obscene and depressing as an American Christmas.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There's nothing to winning, really. That is, if you happen to be blessed
 with a keen eye, an agile mind, and no scruples whatsoever.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
There's nothing very mysterious about you,
except that nobody really knows your origin, purpose, or destination.
%%
There's nothing wrong with America that a good erection wouldn't cure.
 -- David Mairowitz
%%
There's nothing wrong with growing older, but where does it lead?
%%
There's nothing wrong with my keyboard. There's n&%)$^%@!
%%
There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't
aggravate.
%%
There's nothing wrong with using four-letter words in explaining the
facts of life to children- words like love, kiss, help, care, give, ...
 -- Sam Levenson
%%
There's nothing wrong with Windows a reformat won't fix!
%%
There's nothing wrong with you a shotgun blast to the face couldn't fix.
%%
There's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong.
 -- Graham Chapman
%%
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
 -- John Lennon
%%
There's no time like the present for postponing what you
don't want to do.
 -- Hecht's Fourth Law
%%
There's not much chance for kids to work their way though college these
days. One father said that his son took odd jobs all summer "and worked
his way through his registration fee."
 -- Armand Cirilli
%%
There's not much to be said about the period except that most writers
don't reach it soon enough.
 -- William Zinsser
%%
There's not one wise man among twenty will praise himself.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
  working for you.
 -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
%%
There's not so much danger in a known foe and a suspected friend.
 -- Nabb
%%
There 's nought, no doubt, so much the spirit calms
As rum and true religion.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto ii, Stanza 34
%%
There's no use being precise
about something when you don't even know what you're talking about.
 -- John von Neumann
%%
There's no way to tell and it doesn't matter anyway.
%%
There's no where far enough away.
%%
There sometimes wants only a stroke of fortune to discover numberless latent
good or bad qualities, which would otherwise have been eternally concealed: as
words written with a certain liquor appear only when applied to the fire.
 -- Greville
%%
There's one born every minute.
 -- P. T. Barnum (1810-1891)
%%
There's one constant in buying a suit:   It should fit.
 -- The Houston Chronicle, 3/15/90
%%
There's one good thing about your life. I'm a part of it.
%%
There's one good thing about your life. It's only temporary.
%%
There's one in every car... You'll see.
%%
There's one rich man in Chelsea who's so snobbish he won't even ride in the
 same car as his chauffeur.
 -- David Frost
%%
There's one that hasn't been cancelled because of the Arctic conditions
 - it's been cancelled because of a frozen pitch.
%%
There's one thing about baldness: it's neat.
%%
There's one thing more painful than learning from experience, and
that is not learning from experience.
%%
There's one thing worse than being alone: wishing you were.
 -- Bob Steele
%%
There's one thing worse than change, and that's the status quo.
%%
There's only a one-letter difference between "networking" and "not working".
%%
There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving,
and that's your own self.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
There's only one everything.
%%
There's only one kind of woman....
Or man, for that matter.
You either believe in yourself or you don't.
 -- Kirk and Harry Mudd, "Mudd's Women," stardate 1330.1
%%
There's only one me and I'm stuck with him.
 -- R. L. Stanfield
%%
There's only one thing for me.
%%
"There's only one thing I believe about luck - it's unlucky to be behind
at the end of the game."
 -- Bill Russell
%%
There's only one thing on this Earth that matters.
%%
There's only one thing that can keep growing without nourishment: the human
ego.
 -- Marshall Lumsden
%%
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is
I'll get married again.
 -- Clint Eastwood
%%
There's only one way to kill a rat...
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
The resources of civilization against its enemies are
not yet exhausted.
 -- William Ewart Gladstone (1809-1898)
 -- Speech at Leeds, 7 October 1881
 -- in H. W. Lucy (ed.) Speeches of . . . Gladstone (1885) p. 57
%%
There 's rosemary, that 's for remembrance;... and there is pansies,
that 's for thoughts.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
There's safety in numbers -- .357 for example!!!
%%
There's safety in numbers: F16, F11, B2, F15....
%%
There's safety in numbers when you learn to divide.
%%
There's simply no other way for a man to feel his manliness, his knigliness
 if you will, than to be loved by a beautiful woman.
%%
There 's small choice in rotten apples.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
There's some lovely filth over here...
%%
There's someone in my head, but it's not me...
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
There's someone in my mind and it's not me.
%%
There's something about winning at poker that restores my faith in the innate
goodness of my fellowman.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
There's something else I dislike just as much as creeping socialism,
and that's galloping reaction.
 -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
There's something inside your head...
%%
There's something to be said for relatives... It has to be said because it's
unprintable!
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
There's something wrong if you're always right.
 -- Arnold Glasow
%%
There's something you don't see every day.
 -- "Ghostbusters"
%%
There's so much comedy on television.  Does that cause comedy in the streets?
 -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate
%%
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our
 lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
 -- Robert Orben
%%
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
%%
There's so much unhappiness on television, we don't
need more of it in real life.
%%
There's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That's got not *much* spam in it.
%%
There's still much to do, still so much to learn.
 -- Picard, "The Neutral Zone", stardate 41986.0
%%
There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.
 -- Avery
%%
There 's such divinity doth hedge a king,
That treason can but peep to what it would.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
There's sumpthin' bigger than Phil!!
%%
The restaurant I ate in last night was terrible.
The food was awful and the portions -- the portions were so small.
%%
There's that strange noise from the drive again...
%%
There's the commercial on TV where the woman is smelling her clothes. She
 says, "They smell as fresh as all outdoors!" Is that ridiculous? Do you
 realize what all outdoors smells like? If she lived in New York, she'd
 cough for twenty-two minutes.
 -- Larry Wilde
%%
There 's the humour of it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
There's the stealth plane, the invisible plane. What good is an invisible
 airplane gonna do? Enemy looks down on their radar and says, "Well, there's
 no aircraft here. But there's two little guys in a sitting position at
 40,000 feet!"
 -- Will Durst
%%
There's this to say for blood and breath, They give a man a taste for death.
 -- Housman
%%
There's three sides to every story, yours, mine and the cold hard truth.
%%
There still remains to mortify a wit
The many-headed monster of the pit.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 304
%%
There still remain three studies suitable for free man.
Arithmetic is one of them.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
There's times peoples just be tired of peoples.
%%
The rest is history, although it is difficult to remember any of it.
 -- Gordon Fitch
%%
The rest is silence.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
There St. John mingles with my friendly bowl,
The feast of reason and the flow of soul.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Satire i, Book ii, Line 127
%%
   [The rest of the ARMY stand around looking at a loss.]
INSPECTOR END OF FILM: (picks up megaphone) All right!  Clear off!  Go on!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
The rest of us relieve the normal and natural stresses of everyday life
by letting them out, 200 grains at a time, downrange.
%%
There's too many pigs for the tits.
 -- Abe Lincoln
%%
There's too much beauty upon this earth for lonely men to bear.
 -- Richard Le Gallienne
%%
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
%%
There's too much Sax and Violins in Classical Music!
%%
There's too much sax and violins on public TV.
%%
There's too much sex on TV.  People really should use the bed!!!!
%%
There's too much water in our chlorine supply.
%%
There studious let me sit,
And hold high converse with the mighty dead.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Winter, Line 431
%%
The rest were vulgar deaths, unknown to fame.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xi, Line 394
%%
There 's two words to that bargain.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue iii
%%
The result of years of progra@I_. '?SYNTAX ERROR
%%
The Results of your IQ test came back. They're negative.
%%
There swift return
Diurnal, merely to officiate light
Round this opacous earth, this punctual spot.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 21
%%
"There, take," says Justice, "take ye each a shell;
We thrive at Westminster on fools like you.
'T was a fat oyster! live in peace,--adieu."
 -- Nicholas Boileau-Despreaux (1636-1711)
 -- Epitre ii
%%
There taught us how to live; and (oh, too high
The price for knowledge!) taught us how to die.
 -- Thomas Tickell (1686-1740)
 -- On the Death of Mr. Addison, Line 81
%%
There, that will do until a REAL explanation comes along.
%%
There the wicked cease from troubling, and there the weary be at rest.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job iii, 17
%%
The Retort Courteous;... the Quip Modest;... the Reply Churlish;...
the Reproof Valiant;... the Countercheck Quarrelsome;... the Lie with
Circumstance;... the Lie Direct.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.
 -- Peter Sellers
%%
The revenge of Mr Bubble is not exactly your average horror movie.
 -- dan
%%
The reverence of a man's self is, next to religion, the chiefest bridle
of all vices.
 -- Lord Bacon
%%
The reverse side also has a reverse side.
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
The revolution will not be a three-part, prestige-format miniseries.
%%
The reward for working hard is more hard work.
%%
The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift - is taxes.
 -- W. Feather
%%
    There was a blithe certainty that came from first
comprehending the full Einstein field equations, arabesques of
Greek letters clinging tenuously to the page, a gossamer web.
They seemed insubstantial when you first saw them, a string of
squiggles.  Yet to follow the delicate tensors as they
contracted, as the superscripts paired with subscripts,
collapsing mathematically into concrete classical entities--
potential; mass; forces vectoring in a curved geometry-- that
was a sublime experience.  The iron fist of the real, inside
the velvet glove of airy mathematics.
 -- Gregory Benford
 -- Timescape
%%
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
 -- C. S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"
%%
There was a Brutus once that would have brook'd
The eternal devil to keep his state in Rome
As easily as a king.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
There was a general whisper, toss, and wriggle, But etiquette forbade
them all to giggle.
 -- Byron
%%
There was a jolly miller once,
  Lived on the river Dee;
He worked and sung from morn till night:
  No lark more blithe than he.
 -- Isaac Bickerstaff (1735-1787)
 -- Love in a Village, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
There was a laughing devil in his sneer.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Corsair, Canto i, Stanza 9
%%
There was a little man, and he had a little soul;
And he said, Little Soul, let us try, try, try!
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Little Man and Little Soul
%%
There was all the world and his wife.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue iii
%%
There was an awful rainbow once in heaven:
We know her woof, her texture; she is given
In the dull catalogue of common things.
Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Lamia, Part ii
%%
There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to
talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him
during the trial.
 -- David Letterman
%%
There was an item in the paper today. A lion got loose in the Central Park
 Zoo. And was severely mauled.
 -- Bob Newhart
%%
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
 She said "with my pension, that's all I can do"
 It may be substandard, but just down the block,
 I know an old lady who lives in a sock.
%%
There was a nuclear war, a few years from now.  This, all this, this whole
place.     Gone...Just ... gone."
%%
There was a phone call for you, I told them you were playing and
goofing off.  Your boss wants to see you immediately.
%%
There was a place in childhood that I remember well,
And there a voice of sweetest tone bright fairy tales did tell.
 -- Samuel Lover (1797-1868)
 -- My Mother dear
%%
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday.
 Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
There was a sound of revelry by night,
And Belgium's capital had gather'd then
Her beauty and her chivalry, and bright
The lamps shone o'er fair women and brave men.
A thousand hearts beat happily; and when
Music arose with its voluptuous swell,
Soft eyes look'd love to eyes which spake again,
And all went merry as a marriage bell.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 21
%%
There was a state without king or nobles; there was a church without a bishop;
 -- Rufus Choate (1799-1859)
 -- Speech before the New England Society, Dec. 22, 1843
%%
There was a time, not too long ago, when a person ordered $75 in groceries,
 and ordered the truck to deliver these to the restaurant that person owned!
%%
There was a time when the movie "The Moon is Blue," was considered a really
 dirty trash movie. Now, if it played at all, it would put a lot of folks to
 sleep.
%%
There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but
 obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them
 but obedience.
 -- Anatole Broyard
%%
There was a time when you could figure that seeing the word sex in print
 was really a misprint for sox or six.
%%
"There was a vague, unpleasant manginess about his appearance; he
somehow seemed dirty, though a close glance showed him as carefully
shaven as an actor, and clad in immaculate linen."
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), on the death of William Jennings Bryan
%%
There was a young coder named Guy.
He said to himself with a sigh,
"The VAX is too slow,
it won't even go.
I'll give my abacus a try."
%%
There was a young lady from Venus.
Whose body was shaped like a -
 -- Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
There was a young lady named Bright,
Whose speed was far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned the previous night!
 -- Reginald Buller
%%
There was a young man who said God,
I find it exceedingly odd,
That the willow oak tree
Continues to be,
When there's no one about in the Quad.

Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
For I'm always about in the Quad;
And that's why the tree,
Continues to be,
Signed Yours faithfully, God.
%%
There was, it appeared, a mysterious rite of initiation through which, in
one way or another, almost every member of the team passed.  The term that
the old hands used for this rite -- West invented the term, not the practice --
was `signing up.'  By signing up for the project you agreed to do whatever
was necessary for success.  You agreed to forsake, if necessary, family,
hobbies, and friends -- if you had any of these left (and you might not, if
you had signed up too many times before).
 -- Tracy Kidder, _The Soul of a New Machine_
%%
There was much to explore, but an adult might not think so.
%%
There was never anything where I've got to work really hard to get
there.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
There was never yet fair woman but she made mouths in a glass.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
There was no chemistry or biology, so we're history.
 -- Someone's Ex
%%
There was no difference between the behavior of a god and the
operations of pure chance...
 -- Thomas S. Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
There was no surer means of overturning the existing basis of society
than to debauch the currency ... Inflation engages all the hidden
forces of economic law on the side of destruction. and it does it
in a manner which not one man in a million is able to diagnose.
 -- John Maynard Keynes
%%
There was nothing I hated more than to see a filthy old drunkie, a howling
 away at the sons of his father and going blurp blurp in between as if it were
 a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts.   I could never stand to
 see anyone like that, especially when they were old like this one was.
 -- Alex in Clockwork Orange
%%
There was once a man, Harry, called the Steppenwolf. He went on two legs,
wore clothes and was a human being, but nevertheless he was in reality a
wolf of the Steppes. He had learned a good deal of all that people of a
good intelligence can, and was a fairly clever fellow. What he had not
learned, however, was this: to find contentment in himself and his own
life.
 -- Hermann Hesse, Steppenwolf
%%
There was once, in a remote part of the East, a man who was altogether
void of knowledge and experience, yet presumed to call himself a physician.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Ignorant Physician, Chap. iii, Fable viii
%%
There was only one catch and that was Catch22, which specified that a
concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and
immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be
grounded. All he had to do was ask, and as soon as he did, he would no
longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to
fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly
them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't
want to he was sane and had to.
 -- Joseph Heller, Catch22
%%
There was silence deep as death,
And the boldest held his breath
For a time.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Battle of the Baltic
%%
There was something about her I liked,
 but I couldn't put my finger on it.
%%
There webs were spread of more than common size,
And half-starved spiders prey'd on half-starved flies.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764), The Prophecy of Famine, Line 327
%%
There were Arabs with knives at the foot of the bed.
%%
There were bells, but I never heard them.
%%
There were but little work left for preaching,
if law and compulsion should grow so fast upon those things
which hithertofore were governed only by exhortation.
 -- John Milton
%%
There were but two families in the world, Have-much and Have-little.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xx
%%
There were computers in Biblical times. Adam had a Wang. Eve had an Apple.
%%
There were few things more useless than a unloaded pistol
 -- 'Without Remorse' by Tom Clancy
%%
There were giants in the earth in those days.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis vi, 4
%%
There were his young barbarians all at play;
There was their Dacian mother: he, their sire,
Butcher'd to make a Roman holiday!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 141
%%
There were lines on the mirror, lines on her face.
 -- The Eagles
%%
There were the Scots
Who kept the Sabbath
And everything else they could lay their hands on.
Then there were the Welsh
Who prayed on their knees and their neighbors.
Thirdly there were the Irish
Who never knew what they wanted
But were willing to fight for it anyway.
Lastly there were the English
Who considered themselves a self-made nation
Thus relieving the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.
%%
There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime
and tell if it was heads or tails.
 -- Spencer Tracy
%%
There were two brothers called Both and Either; perceiving Either
was a good, understanding, busy fellow, and Both a silly fellow and
good for little, Philip said, "Either is both, and Both is neither."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Philip
%%
There will always be mimes and ventriloquists to make us miserable.
%%
There will always be prayer in school as long as there are final exams.
%%
There will always be some delightful mysteries in your life.
%%
There will always be survivors.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000
Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two
years.
 -- from the Soviet Weekly
%%
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.
%%
There will be big changes for you and you will be happy.
Don't expect it to last long.
%%
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
%%
There will be no justice as long as man will stand with a knife or
with a gun and destroy those who are weaker than he is.
 -- Isaac Bashevis Singer
%%
There will be no last bus tonight.
%%
There will be no stipulations.
 -- Stipulation #1
%%
There will be vice as long as there are the Bruins.
%%
There will be vice as long as there are the Rangers.
%%
There will come a time when the sheep can bed down with the Lion, but it
 will come only after the Commercial Strength Sleepeze has been introduced
 to the market.
%%
There will not be a murky ending.
 -- President George Bush, prior to invading Iraq
%%
There with commutual zeal we both had strove
In acts of dear benevolence and love:
Brothers in peace, not rivals in command.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 241
%%
There would be no Texas if the Alamo had a back door..
%%
There you are Ballders. You look as sweet as a little pie.
He looks like what he is - a dungball in a dress.
 -- Kate and Edmund : Bells
%%
THERE you are Eric. NO, WES, NO! ZZZAAAPPP
%%
There you go again--thinking you have rights
%%
There you go, bringing class into it again...
%%
There you go man,
Keep as cool as you can.
It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave.
Keep on being free!
%%
The rhino is a homely beast,
For human eyes he's not a feast.
Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,
I'll stare at something less prepoceros.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting drunk.
 -- The Replacements
%%
[The rich] are indeed rather possessed by their money than possessors.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 12
%%
The rich are not very nice. That's why they're rich.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The rich can buy everything but health, virtue, friendship, wit, good looks,
love, pride, intelligence, grace, and, if you need it, happiness.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The richest monarch in the Christian world;
The sun in my own dominions never sets.
 -- Schiller (1759-1805)
 -- Don Carlos, Act i, Sc. 6
%%
The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer.
The haves get more, the have-nots die.
%%
The rich get richer; the poor get babies.
%%
The rich get richer, the poor get teachers.
%%
The rich may never get to heaven, but the pauper is already
serving his term in hell.
%%
The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.
 -- Karl Marx
%%
The rich would have to eat money, but luckily the poor provide food:
 Russian proverb
%%
The rider likes best the horse which needs most breaking in.
 -- Edward Garrett
%%
The ridgepole is braced. Good fortune.
If there are ulterior motives, it is humiliating.
%%
The ridgepole sags to the breaking point.
Misfortune.
%%
The rifle and handgun are "equalizers"--the weapons of a democracy. Tanks and
bombers represent dictatorship.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The right divine of kings to govern wrong.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 188
%%
The righteous hath hope in his death.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiv, 32
%%
The righteous shall flourish like the palm-tree: he shall grow like
a cedar in Lebanon.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xcii, 12
%%
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.
 This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
%%
The right hands of fellowship.
 -- New Testament
 -- Galatians ii, 9
%%
The Right Honorable gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests,
and to his imagination for his facts.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- Speech in Reply to Mr. Dundas, Sheridaniana
%%
The right man, in the right place, at the right time -
can steal millions.
 -- Gregory Nunn
%%
The right of the citizens to bear arms is just one more guarantee
against arbitrary government, one more safeguard against a tyranny
which now appears remote in America, but which historically has
proved to be always possible.
 -- Senator Hubert Humphrey
%%
     The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers
       and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures shall not be
      violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported
      by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be
      searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
 -- The Constitution of the United States of America
%%
The right of the people to keep and bear...arms shall not be
infringed.  A well-regulated militia, composed of the body of the
people, trained to arms, is the best and most natural defense of
a free country....
 -- James Madison
%%
The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared
for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his
infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and
upon the successful management of which so much remains.
 -- George F. Baer [railroad industrialist]
%%
The right selection: Check your erection.
%%
The right selection, protect your erection.
%%
The rights of one are as sacred as the rights of a million.
 -- Eugene V. Debs, US labor leader.
(Note: Debs received one million votes in 1920 as candidate for
US President, while serving a 10-year jail sentence for having said
in June 1918:
"Wars throughout history have been waged for conquest and
plunder...the master class has always declared the wars; the
subject class has always fought the battles.")
%%
The rights we have today we may consider natural rights, but they
were won by blood, sweat, sacrifice, and death.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
House Un-American Activities Committee].   We will determine what rights
you have and what rights you have not got.
 -- J. Parnell Thomas
%%
The right to bear arms is not granted by the Constitution;  neither is
it in any manner dependent upon that instrument for its existence.
 -- U.S. Supreme Court, U.S. v. Cruikshank
%%
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
taken seriously.
 -- Hubert H. Humphrey, 1965
%%
The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.
 -- Supreme Court Justice William Orville Douglas
%%
The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.
 -- William Safire
%%
The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
 -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
%%
The right to search for the truth implies also a duty; one must not conceal
 any part of what one has recognized to be the truth.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)
%%
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective
as a rightly timed pause.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The ring begins to glow. First, dimly. Then, bright. Then, brighter.
It It becomes so bright that you cannot see. It suddenly stops glowing.
As As you slowly regain your sight, you see that you are once again in
the the Main Office. The president of the Witt Construction Company
is is there to personally shake your hand and congratulate you.
%%
The ripest fruit first falls.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The rising tide lifts all the boats.
%%
The rising world of waters dark and deep.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 11
%%
The riskier the road the greater the profit.
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #62
%%
The ritual of marriage is not simply a social event; it is a crossing
of threads in the fabric of fate.  Many strands bring the couple and
their families together and spin their lives into a fabric that is
woven on their children.
 -- Portuguese-Jewish Wedding Ceremony
%%
The river is moving; the blackbird must be flying.
%%
The rivers are full of crocodile nasties.
%%
Thermal paper will run out before the calculation is complete.
 -- John L. Shelton
%%
Thermodynamics - a thermometer on the run?
%%
Ther n' is no werkman whatever he be,
That may both werken wel and hastily.
This wol be done at leisure parfitly.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Marchantes Tale, Line 585
%%
The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began
Now far ahead the road has gone
And I must follow if I can.
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way.
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then?  I cannot say.
 -- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings" series
%%
The road to a friend's house is never long.
 -- Danish proverb
%%
The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom...for we never know what is
 enough until we know what is more than enough.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
The road to Hades is easy to travel.
 -- Bion
%%
The road to Hell is easily traveled.
%%
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
And littered with sloppy analysis!
%%
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
(In which case, the road to Heaven must be paved with bad ones.)
%%
The road to hell is paved with NAND gates.
 -- J. Gooding
%%
The road to ruin is always in good repair,
and the travellers pay the expense of it.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
The road to success is usually under construction.
%%
The road to to success is always under construction...
 -- Florian Bruckner
%%
 The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards
 -- Alexander Jablokov, "The Place of No Shadows"
%%
The road uphill and the road downhill are one and the same.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
The robb'd that smiles, steals something from the thief.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The Rockettes are so perfect you'd think they were Xeroxed.
 -- Irene Peter
%%
[The role of the Scoutmaster should be as an]elder brother
among his boys - not detached or above them, but joining
in their activities and sharing their enthusiasm.
 -- Lord Baden-Powell
%%
The rolling stone never gathereth mosse.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
The Romans would never have had time to conquer the world if they had been
obliged to learn Latin first of all.
%%
The Ronald Reagan Library is going to open and will need contributions, so
 if you happen to have anything pertaining to the Three Stooges, give till
 it hurts!
%%
The room seems to spin violently in circles. As your eyes focus...
%%
The room trembles and 50,000 pounds of rock fall on you,
turning you into a pancake.
%%
The room you have just entered has a very stale smell in the air,
like like it hasn't been disturbed for many many years. As you look around
you you see that this used to be a treasury for an ancient civilization.
Most Most of the treasures have been stolen long ago.
%%
The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.
%%
The root of all evil makes a pretty good tea.
%%
The root of all superstition is that men
observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
 -- Aristotle
%%
The roots of true achievement lie in the will to become the best that
you can become.
 -- Harold Taylor
%%
The rose and the thorn, and sorrow and gladness are linked together.
 -- Saadi
%%
The Roseanne Barr Diet:  One meadow per day.
%%
The rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem
For that sweet odour which doth in it live.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet liv
%%
The rose of yore is but a name, mere names are left to us.
[Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemur].
%%
The rose that all are praising
  Is not the rose for me.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- The Rose that all are praising
%%
The rotter who simpers that he sees no difference between a five-dollar bill
and a whip deserves to learn the difference on his own back
 -- as, I think, he will.
 -- Francisco d'Anconia, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_
%%
The rotter who simpers that he sees no difference between the
power of the dollar and the power of the whip, ought to learn
the difference on his own hide -- as, I think, he will.  Until
and unless you discover that money is the root of all good, you
ask for your own destruction.  When money ceases to be the tool
by which men deal with one another, then men become the tools of
men.  Blood, whips, and guns -- or dollars.  Take your choice --
there is no other -- and your time is running out.
 -- Francisco d'Anconia, in Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged"
%%
The royal navy of England hath ever been its greatest defence and
ornament; it is its ancient and natural strength,--the floating bulwark
of our island.
 -- Sir William Blackstone (1723-1780)
 -- Commentaries, Vol. i, Book i, Chap. xiii, Section 418
%%
The rudeness of a bureaucrat is inversely
proportional to his or her position in the governmental hierarchy
and to the number of peers similarly engaged.
 -- Hewett's Observation
%%
The rude sea grew civil at her song,
And certain stars shot madly from their spheres
To hear the sea-maid's music.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in
his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on
one leg.  The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
take it too seriously.
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
 "The Ruined Sheets" by C. Menstains
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
The ruins of himself! now worn away
With age, yet still majestic in decay.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xxiv, Line 271
%%
The rule in the art world is: you cater to the masses or you kowtow to the
 elite; you can't have both.
 -- Ben Hecht
%%
"The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday -- but never jam today."
"It MUST come sometimes to 'jam to-day,'" Alice objected.
"No, it can't," said the Queen.  "It's jam every OTHER day: to-day isn't any
OTHER day, you know."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
The Rule of Fives states that all things happen in fives, or are divisible
by or are multiples of five, or are somehow directly or indirectly related
to five.  The Rule of Fives is never wrong.
%%
The rule on staying alive as a forcaster is to give 'em a number or
give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
 -- Jane Bryant Quinn
%%
The rulers of the State are the only ones who should have the privilege
of lying, whether at home or abroad;  they may be allowed to lie for
the good of the State.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic"
%%
The rules have changed.  True power is held by the person who possesses
the largest bookshelf, not gun cabinet or wallet.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
"...the rules of the game must be constantly updated to keep up with the
expanding technology.  Otherwise we overkill the classic climbs and delude
ourselves into thinking we are better climbers than the pioneers."
 -- Yvon Chouinard
%%
The rules stay the same, the game changes.
%%
The rules which govern craps are not generally applicable to reality.
 -- Spock
%%
The ruling passion, be it what it will,
The ruling passion conquers reason still.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 153
%%
The ruling power within, when it is in its natural state, is so related
to outer circumstances that it easily changes to accord with what
can be done and what is given it to do.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 1
%%
The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon,
but only to hold a man's foot long enough to put the other
somewhat higher.
 -- Thomas Huxley
%%
The Russian dictatorship of the proletariat has made a a farce of the whole
Marxist vision: developing a powerful, privileged ruling class to prepare for
a classless society, setting up the most despotic state in history so that the
state may wither away, establishing by force a colonial empire to combat
imperialism and unify the workers of the world.
 -- Herbert J. Muller
%%
The Russians have put a small ball up in the air.
That does not raise my apprehensions one iota.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
The Russian soldier is our friend.  He is here to protect us.
 -- First sentence in an English textbook
 -- seen in Bulgaria (printed in Moscow) (c.a. 1967).
%%
The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.
 -- New Testament
 -- Mark ii, 27
%%
The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.
%%
The saddest moment in a person's life comes only once.
 -- Brendan Francis
%%
The saddest thing of word or pen,
 To know the things that might have been.
 -- John Greenleaf Whittier, 1807-1892, U.S. poet
%%
The sad rhyme of the men who proudly clung
To their first fault, and withered in their pride.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Paracelsus, Part iv
%%
The sad thing about Clinton bashing is that it's all _TRUE_.
%%
The sad thing about Windows bashing is it's all true.
%%
The sad vicissitude of things.
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Sermon xvi
%%
The safest place is behind a BFG9000.
 -- Unknown Virtual Reality Fanatic
%%
The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in
 your pocket.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
The Safety Nazis won't be satisfied until the
drinking age is 55 and the speed limit 21
 -- Jeff Chan
%%
The sagacious reader who is capable of reading between these lines
what does not stand written in them, but is nevertheless implied,
will be able to form some conception.
 -- Goethe (1749-1832)
 -- Autobiography, Book xviii, Truth and Beauty
%%
    The sages put great stock in saying that every ending is truly a beginning,
or every beginning an ending, or insisting that there are no endings or
beginnings, or remarking that there is nothing new, and we are doomed to
endlessly repeat ourselves. Or have I said all this before?
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. LXXXVII
%%
The saint sustain'd it, but the woman died.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epitaph on Mrs. Corbet
%%
The sale of bathtubs is prohibited in Pennsylvania.
%%
The same battle in the clouds will be known to the deaf only as
lightning and to the blind only as thunder.
 -- George Santayana
%%

The same dress is:
indecent 10 years before its time
daring 1 year before its time
chic in its time
dowdy 3 years after its time
hideous 20 years after its time
amusing 30 years after its time
romantic 100 years after its time
beautiful 150 years after its time
 -- The Law of Fashion
 -- James Laver
%%
The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
The San Diego Freeway...Official Parking Lot of the 1984 Olympics!
 -- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
   the sand remembers
once there was beach and sunshine
   but chip is warm too
 -- haiku from Effector Online, Volume 1, Number 6
%%
The Sanskrit word for war means "desire for more cows."
%%
Thesaurus (n): ancient reptile with excellent vocabulary.
%%
The savage bows down to idols of wood and stone:
the civilized man to idols of flesh and blood.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Journal", 26 September 1859
%%
The savior becomes the victim.
%%
The saying of old Antigonus, who when he was to fight at Andros, and
one told him, "The enemy's ships are more than ours," replied, "For
how many then wilt thou reckon me?"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Pelopidas
%%
The saying, "Practice is everything," is Periander's.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Periander, vi
%%
The saying that beauty is but skin deep is but a skin deep saying.
 -- John Ruskin
%%
The scalded cat fears even cold water.
 -- Thomas Fuller
%%
The scene was more beautiful far to the eye
  Than if day in its pride had arrayed it.
 -- Paul Moon James (1780-1854)
 -- The Beacon
%%
The Scent Of A Man: Jim Nasium
%%
The sceptre seems to subside. You hear a high whine, as of
capacitors beginning to recharge.
%%
The Schizophrenic:  An Unauthorized Autobiography.
%%
The scholar without good-breeding is a pedant, the philosopher a
cynic, the soldier a brute, and every man disagreeable.
 -- Chesterfield
%%
The schoolboy whips his taxed top; the beardless youth manages his
taxed horse with a taxed bridle on a taxed road; and the dying Englishman,
pouring his medicine, which has paid seven per cent, into a spoon
that has paid fifteen per cent, flings himself back upon his chintz
bed which has paid twenty-two per cent, and expires in the arms of
an apothecary who has paid a license of a hundred pounds for the privilege
of putting him to death.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Review of Seybert's Annals of the United States, 1820
%%
The schoolboy, with his satchel in his hand,
Whistling aloud to bear his courage up.
 -- Robert Blair (1699-1747)
 -- The Grave, Part i, Line 58
%%
The school is not the end but only the beginning of education.
 -- Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president
%%
The school of hard knocks is an accelerated curriculum.
 -- Menander
%%
The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
The Schwine-Kitzenger Institute study of 47 men over the age of 100
 showed that all had these things in common:
         1)  They all had moderate appetites.
         2)  They all came from middle class homes
         3)  All but two of them were dead.
%%
    The sciences do not try to explain, they hardly even try
to interpret, they mainly make models.  By a model is meant a
mathematical construct which, with the addition of certain
verbal interpretations, describes observed phenomena.  The
justification of such a mathematical construct is solely and
precisely that it is expected to work.
 -- John Von Neumann
%%
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are
 composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
The scientist is a lover of truth for the very love of truth itself, wherever
it may lead.
 -- Luther Burbank (1849-1926), U.S. naturalist
%%
The scientist is at the moving edge of what's happening.
 -- Dr. Gerald M. Edelman
%%
The scientists most esteemed by their colleagues are those who are both very
original and committed to the abstract ideal of truth in the midst of
clamoring demands of ego and ideology.     They pass the acid test of promoting
new knowledge even at the expense of losing credit for it.
 -- Edward O. Wilson, "Biophilia"
%%
The scientists split the atom; now the atom is splitting us.
 -- Quentin Reynolds, in "Quote & Unquote", 1970
%%
The scooters are not for the devout.
%%
The score didn't really reflect the outcome.
%%
The Scout of today is the leader of tomorrow.
%%
The script had been written by this legendary dead guy that we know and there
 were about fifty-eleven-hundred pages of it.   Of this eight words were
 completely readable.  These were oranges in the title and Close the
 curtains, Geoffrey, I'm amphibious, which was right at the end.      To be
 perfectly frank man, I wasn't even 100% sure about amphibious.
 -- Waldo D.R. Dobbs, D.R. and Quinch go to Hollywood.
%%
The scriptures are a databank, a reservoir of human experience.
 -- Neal A. Maxwell
%%
The scum also rises.
 -- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
%%
The seabird hater left no tern unstoned.
%%
These activities have their own rules and methods of concealment which
seek to mislead and obscure.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1960)
%%
The seafood in any restaurant is always fresh, even in Nebraska, if you ask
 before your order it.
%%
The seal of truth is on thy gallant form, for none but cowards lie.
 -- Murphy
%%
These are actually chunks of lung itself being coughed up.   I don't
 understand exactly what it is, but God has healed you right now.
 Amen.
 -- Televangelist Pat Robertson
%%
These are bagpipes.  I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired
when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm.
Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound
achieved by the pig.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
These are begot in the ventricle of memory, nourished in the womb
of pia mater, and delivered upon the mellowing of occasion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
These are Bill's. Yes, life's expensive.
%%
"These are DARK TIMES for all mankind's HIGHEST VALUES!"
"These are DARK TIMES for FREEDOM and PROSPERITY!"
"These are GREAT TIMES to put your money on BAD GUY to kick the CRAP out
 of MEGATON MAN!"
 -- Megaton Man
%%
These are my new shoes.  They're good shoes.  They won't make you rich like me,
 they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome
 like me.  They'll only make you have shoes like me.  That's it.
 -- Charles Barkley
%%
These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves.
 -- Gilbert Highet
%%
These aren't my colors!
 -- Q, "Deja Q,"  stardate 43539.1.
%%
These aren't my shorts -- they bend.
%%
These aren't my thoughts, they're my cat walking on the keyboard.
 -- Larry McVoy
%%
These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
%%
These are only my views, and I am proud of them.
%%
These are the days of Miracle Whip and Wonder Bread.
%%
These are the effects of doting age: vain doubts, and idle cares,
and over caution.
 -- John Dryden
%%
These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives; for all the
scents of green things growing, each breath is but an exhalation of the
grave.  Bodies jerk like puppet corpses, and hell walks laughing --
%%
These are the things dreams are made of...
%%
These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the
sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their
country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of our
men and women. Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have
this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more
glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly:
it is dearness only that gives every thing its value.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
These are thy glorious works, Parent of good!
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 153
%%
These are volatile times, your Highness. The American Revolution
  lost your father the colonies, the French Revolution murdered
  brave King Louis, and there are tremendous rumblings in Prussia.
  Although that might be something to do with the sausages.
 -- Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
These are your eggs on drugs.
%%
...the sea squirt, when young, seeks a rock to which it can anchor
itself. Once it finds a rock, it will stay there the rest of its life.
 When it has been anchored, it no longer needs its brain, so it eats
it.  sort of like getting tenure...
 -- Molly Ball
%%
These as they change, Almighty Father! these
Are but the varied God. The rolling year
Is full of Thee.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- Hymn, Line 1
%%
The sea! the sea! the open sea!
The blue, the fresh, the ever free!
 -- Bryan W. Procter (1787-1874)
 -- The Sea
%%
These beautiful days must enrich all my life.  They do not exist as mere
pictures - maps hung on the walls of memory...but they saturate themselves
into every part of the body and live always.
 -- John Muir
%%
These blessed candles of the night.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
These blokes need to be taught to respect their superiors.
 -- Gen. Cornwallis
%%
The Second Amendment doesn't grant the right to keep and bear arms.
You already have that right.  The Constitution just prohibits the
government from taking it away from you.
%%
The second best policy is dishonesty.
%%
The Second Coming of Christ: vaporware, pre-announced by two millennia.
%%
The Second Commandment for C programmers:
Thou shalt not follow the NULL pointer, for chaos and madness await thee
at its end.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day
 you're off it.
 -- Jackie Gleason
%%
The second law of thermodynamics implies that the expression
"good news" is an oxymoron.
%%
The second line of messages is confusion.
%%
The Second Order Rule of Bureaucracy: The more directives you issue
to solve a problem, the worse it gets.
 -- Jack Robertson
%%
The second reason that inspired the Admiral [Columbus] to launch
his enterprise and helped justify his giving the name 'Indies' to
the lands which he discovered was the authority of many learned men
who said that one could sail westward from the western
end of Africa and Spain to the eastern end of India, and that no great
sea lay between.
 -- Ferdinand Columbus, son of Christopher Columbus,
 -- The Life of the Admiral Christopher Columbus, ca. 1539
%%
The secret compartment of my ring I fill with an Underdog super-energy pill.
%%
The secret in the search for meaning is to find your passion and pursue it.
%%
The secret is in the rinse cycle.
%%
The secret is to BANG the rocks together, guys...
%%
The secret is to find out what people really want and
then call it self-awareness.
%%
The secret of a good sex life is to have a good sex life ... In other
 words, kid, don't let yer meat loaf.
 -- R. Crumb
%%
The secret of a long and successful marriage can be found in an old
 Slobovian Proverb: Never wallpaper a room together.
%%
The secret of being a bore is to tell everybody.
%%
The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows.
 -- Aristotle Onassis
%%
The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.
 -- Mell Lazarus
%%
The secret of education is respecting the pupil.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
 -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
%%
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
 -- Sally Berger
%%
The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.
 -- F.H. Bradley
%%
The secret of happiness is to find a congenial monotony.
 -- V. S. Pritchett
%%
The secret of happiness is total disregard of everybody.
%%
The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,
not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live
the present moment wisely and earnestly.
 -- Buddha (B.C. 568-488)
%%
The secret of healthy hitchhiking is to eat junk food.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The secret of life is that we grow old without growing wise.
 -- John LeCarre
%%
The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly
 deceived.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The secret of making one's self tiresome is not to know when to stop.
 -- Voltaire
%%
The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys
 who are undecided.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
The secret of man's being is not only to live but to have something to
live for.
 -- Fedor Dostoevsky
%%
The secret of marriage is self-mastery.
 -- David A. Christensen
%%
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie
 about your age.
 -- Lucille Ball
%%
The secret of success is constancy to purpose.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Speech, June 24, 1870
%%
The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
 -- Glyme's Formula for Success
%%
The Secret of success is survival!
%%
The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your
life what you learned this afternoon.
%%
The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his
audience so that they believe they are as clever as he.
 -- Karl Kraus
%%
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
%%
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow;
there is no humor in Heaven.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
The secret things belong unto the Lord.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Deuteronomy xxix, 29
%%
The secret to a long life is to stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't
drink too much. Then again,
 don't drink to little.
 -- Herman "Jackrabbit" Smith-Johannsen
%%
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes,
but in liking what one does.
 -- James Matthew Barrie, Scottish novelist
%%
The secret to Hewlett-Packard's success is that we've simply got
more bonfires burning at one time.
 -- Bill Hewlett
%%
The Secret to Immortality is .%&@{    CARRIER LOST
%%
The secret to life is that there is no secret.
 -- "Swampman" on Quartz
%%
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
 -- Jean Girardoux
%%
The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The secret to winning the support of large groups of people is positive
thinking.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
The security of the Enterprise is of Paramount importance.
%%
These days an income is something you can't live without--or within.
 -- ZIGGY (TOM WILSON)
%%
These days govt. is a four letter word.
%%
These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he
 would make.
 -- Steve Martin
%%
These days nobody gives a fugue about classical music..
%%
These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what
they used to,
and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
%%
These Days There's No Arrest For The Wicked.
%%
These days, the wages of sin depend on what kind of deal you make
with the devil.
 -- Kara Vichko
%%
These days when your ship comes in, the government docks it.
%%
These dogs, I tell you, they are so smart, but they worry me sometimes.
  For instance, I'm plucking this pale yellow cottage cheesy guck
from their snouts, rather like cheese atop a microwave pizza, and
I have this horrible feeling, for I suspect these dogs (even though
their winsome black mongrel eyes would have me believe otherwise)
have been rummaging through the dumpsters out behind the cosmetic
surgery center again, and their snouts are accessorized with, dare
I say, yuppie liposuction fat.  How they manage to break into the
California state regulation coyote-proof red plastic flesh disposal
bags is beyond me.  I guess the doctors are being naughty or lazy.
 Or both.
 -- Douglas Coupland, from _Generation X_ (Tales for an Accelerated Culture)
%%
The seeds of our own punishment are sown at the same time we commit sin.
 -- Hesiod
%%
The seeds of repentance are sown in youth by pleasure, but the harvest
is reaped in age by plain.
 -- Colton
%%
The seeming truth which cunning times put on
To entrap the wisest.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
These hemorrhoids are a pain in the neck!
%%
These islands are inhabited by Canabilli, a wild, unconquered race
which feeds on human flesh.  I would be right to call them anthropophagi
[man-eaters].  They wage unceasing wars against gentle and timid Indians
to supply flesh; this is their booty and is what they hunt.  They
ravage, despoil, and terrorize the Indians ruthlessly.
 -- Christopher Columbus, Journal Entry for November 3, 1493
%%
The seismograph is a scientific device that enables scientists to
 distinguish between actual earthquakes and ordinary cocktail parties.
%%
The self-imagined non-conformist is the one who most rigorously conforms to
 the rules of non-conformity.
%%
The selfsame heaven
That frowns on me looks sadly upon him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
These lovely lamps, these windows of the soul.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Sixth Day
%%
...These lovers of esoterica seem to derive a great deal of intellectual
  satisfaction out of not quite understanding what they are doing.
%%
"These Macedonians," said he, "are a rude and clownish people, that
call a spade a spade."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Philip
%%
The semi-conscious mind is a tricky thing.  A man never knows just how
  much is real or how much is imagination.
 -- McCoy, "Obsession," stardate 3620.7.
%%
The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
%%
These most brisk and giddy-paced times.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
These my sky-robes spun out of Iris' woof.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 83
%%
  These mysterious lines were seen on Arnold's visual display:

        LDA $FF
        STA $20
        TYX
        TAY
        LDX #$1B
        PHA

  It becomes curiouser and curiouser when one notes the clearly
  bitmapped, smooth scrolling characters.  A theory: 2 68000's
  control the display, while the 6502 is his brain.  AHA! you say --
  How could he ride a motorcycle like that with only 64K of
  addressable RAM?  Answer: Bank switching.
%%
The sendmail configuration file is one of those files that looks like
 someone beat their head on the keyboard. After working with it... I
 can see why!
 -- Harry Skelton (harry@usrgrp)
%%
The Senior Prom: Spike Drink
%%
The sense of being well-dressed gives a feeling of inward tranquility
which religion is powerless to bestow.
%%
The sense of death is most in apprehension;
And the poor beetle, that we tread upon,
In corporal sufferance finds a pang as great
As when a giant dies.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The sense of justice springs from self-respect; both are coeval with our
birth. Children are born with an innate sense of justice; it usually takes
twelve years of public schooling and four more years of college to beat it out
of them.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The sensual and the dark rebel, in vain.
%%
The sentinel stars set their watch in the sky.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- The Soldier's Dream
%%
These opinions are mine and only mine (unless you want to claim them).
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
These opinions are mine.  This .signature is mine.
Everything you have just read is mine.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
These opinions are my own, though for a small fee they be
yours too.
 -- DISCLAIMER
 -- Dave Haynie
%%
These opinions aren't mine - I stole
 them from someone much more intelligent.
%%
These Opinions 'R Mine!
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
These paintings could spell my way out of the trenches!
Yours?
...That's right, _ours_...
 -- Edmund and George : Captain Cook
%%
These patriots don't mince words... Okay, sure, they *are* dangerous,
hopelessly ignorant, inbred, retarded borderline lunatics with an
insatiable lust for the blood of sinners -- but at least they're *honest*
about it.
 -- Reverend Ivan Stang,
 -- cofounder of the Church of the Subgenius,
 -- about a group known as Free Love Ministries,
 -- in his book _High Weirdness By Mail_
%%
These pearls of thought in Persian gulfs were bred,
Each softly lucent as a rounded moon;
The diver Omar plucked them from their bed,
Fitzgerald strung them on an English thread.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- In a copy of Omar Khayyam
%%
These pills can't be habit-forming; I've been taking them for years.
%%
These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
THESE RESULTS WILL BE REPORTED AT LATER TIME
forget that one baby!
 -- Research definitions
%%
The sergeant walked into the shower and caught me giving myself a
dishonorable discharge.  Without missing a beat, I said, It's my dick
and I can wash it as fast as I want!
%%
These riches are possess'd, but not enjoy'd!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 118
%%
The series isn't cancelled; it's another one of Q's stupid pranks!
%%
The seriousness of a wound received in a fire-fight is inversely
    proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #58
%%
These round things Asur has attached to his sled: they take the wood away
from the Earth-Mother, they make it move too fast; they turn around and
round in a strange, e-ville fashion.  Indeed, they are ungodly, and Asur
should be stoned to death forthwith.
 -- Translated from proto-Indo-European
 -- scratched on clay tablets, circa 6500 BC
%%
The servant of a King is a King.
 -- Proverb
%%
These screamingly hilarious gogs ensure owners of X Ray Gogs to be the life
of any party.
 -- X-Ray Gogs Instructions
%%
These shells in which we have encased ourselves -- they have such
  heightened senses.  To feel, to hear, to smell.  How do humans manage to
  exist in these fragile cases?
 -- Rojan the Kelvan, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4657.5.
%%
These sort of boobies think that people come to balls to do nothing but
 dance; whereas everyone knows that the real business of a ball is either
 to look out for a wife, to look after a wife, or to look after someone
 else's wife.
%%
These temple-destroyers, devotees of ravaging commercialism, seem to have a
perfect contempt for Nature, and instead of lifting their eyes to the God
of the mountains, lift them to the Almighty Dollar. Dam Hetch Hetchy! As
well dam for water-tanks the people's cathedrals and churches, for no
holier temple has ever been consecrated by the heart of man.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
These things are beyond all use,
And I do fear them.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
These things are fun, and fun is good.
 -- Dr. Seuss
%%
These things are not for the best, nor as I think they ought to be;
but still they are better than that which is downright bad.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Trinummus, Act ii, Sc. 2, 111, (392.)
%%
These things on my nose aren't just for show.
 -- Ro
%%
These thoughts are mine, but you may rent them for a small fee.
%%
These three comments above came from Penthouse Magazine, I am told on
 reliable authority. What do you get from Penthouse? Bad bird jokes, it
 appears.
%%
The set of all sets which are not members of any other set divided by the
set of all sets which are members of every other set is negative entropy.
%%
The setting of a great hope is like the setting of the sun. The brightness
of our life is gone, shadows of the evening fall around us, and the
world seems but a dim reflection itself- a broader shadow. We look
forward into the coming lonely night; the soul withdraws itself. Then
stars arise, and the night is wholly.
 -- Longfellow
%%
The setting sun, and music at the close,
As the last taste of sweets, is sweetest last,
Writ in remembrance more than things long past.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
These two hated with a hate
  Found only on the stage.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 93
%%
These two strings walk into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "So
 what'll it be?"
 The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quaqg fulk boorg jdk^Cjf
 dLkjk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvyowmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
 "Please excuse my friend," the second string says. "He isn't null-
 terminated."
%%
These types are not "abstract"; they are as real as int and float.
 -- Doug McIlroy
%%
The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes,
respectability and children.  Nothing can lift those seven milestones
from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the
milestones are lifted.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood
 as he reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all.
 The Gray Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in
 the palace of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in
 twenty-five of him are dead, he is alive.
 "Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached
 everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a
 fierce host which out-numbers Lankhmar's inhabitants by fifty to one --
 and equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city."
 "How?" demanded Fafhrd.
 Ningauble shrugged. "You're a hero. You should know."
 -- Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
%%
The Seventh Commandment for C programmers:
Thou shalt study thy libraries and strive not to re-invent them without
cause, that thy code may be short and readable and thy days pleasant and
productive.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The Seventh Edition licensing procedures are, I suppose, still in effect,
though I doubt that tapes are available from AT&T.  At any rate, whatever
restrictions the license imposes still exist.  These restrictions were and
are reasonable for places that just want to run the system, but don't allow
many of the things that Minix was written for, like study of the source in
classes, or by individuals not in a university or company.

I've always thought that Minix was a fine idea, and competently done.

As for the size of v7, wc -l /usr/sys/*/*.[chs] is 19271.
 -- Dennis Ritchie, 1989
%%
The seven words you can never, ever say are f
%%
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach and
directly proportional the social impropriety of scratching that area.
 -- Zadra's Law of Biomechanics
%%
These views are my own. So shut up!
%%
These Views Do Not Reflect All The Voices In My Skull.
%%
These violent delights have violent ends.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
These walls that still surround me,
Still contain the same old me.
Just one more who's searching for
The world that ought to be.
 -- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
These were honoured in their generations, and were the glory of the times.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus xliv, 7
%%
These were the 'hi-tech' FBI guys, you see!
%%
The sex act is the funniest thing on the face of this Earth.
 -- Diana Rigg
%%
The sex is ever to a soldier kind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiv, Line 246
%%
The sexual revolution is here and I'm out of ammunition.
 -- Jim Backus
%%
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
%%
The Shades of Night Were Falling Fast But I Got a Pretty Good Look
 Anyway.
 -- Jethro Burns
%%
The shadow cloak'd from head to foot.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xxiii, Stanza 1
%%
The shadowy figure seems to be trying to attract your attention.
%%
The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
%%
The sheer joy of living is wonderful.
%%
The Sheik Battles Bigfoot
%%
The shell is very strong and is impervious to attack.
%%
The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the
sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces
him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
The ship of state is the only ship that leaks from the top down.
%%
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then
 one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel
 pulling out toward him.

 When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the
 marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "With the captain's
 compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want
 to be rescued."
%%
The shirt of Nessus is upon me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 12
%%
[The shooting in Yosemite] would never have happened if we had exercised our
 right to arm bears.
%%
The shorter the life of the particle, the greater it costs
to produce.
 -- First Law of Particle Physics
%%
The shorter the line, the slower it moves.
 -- Taber's Law of Supermarkets
%%
The shortest and surest way of arriving at real knowledge is to unlearn
the lessons we have been taught, to remount first principles, and
to take nobody's word about them.
 -- Bolingbroke
%%
The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the world is to
be in reality what we would appear to be; all human virtues increase
and strengthen themselves by the practice and experience of them.
 -- Socrates (BC 469-399)
%%
The shortest answer is doing the thing.
%%
The shortest distance between new friends is a smile.
%%
The shortest distance between two people is laughter.
 -- Victor Borge
%%
The shortest distance between two points
depends on who is giving the directions.
%%
The shortest distance between two points has a bridge out.
%%
The shortest distance between two Points is a BossNode.
%%
The shortest distance between two points is a straigh line.
How does it smell? .
 -- Karl
%%
 The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
 -- The Abrams' Principle
%%
The shortest distance between two points is rarely found in speeches.
%%
The shortest distance between two points is through Hell.
 -- Brian Clark
%%
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
 -- Noelie Altito
%%
The shortest distance between two points is under repair.
%%
The shortest distance between two puns ... is a straight line.
%%
The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment I put a
little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.
%%
The short memory of American voters is what keeps politicians in office.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
The shoulders of a borrower are always a little straighter than those of
a beggar.
 -- Morris Leopold Ernst
%%
The shower is the greatest invention. I don't like to take a bath. I don't
 like to wash my face in the water I've been sitting in.
 -- Lewis Grizzard
%%
The Shrinking Society: Les Ismoor
%%
The Shuttle is now going 5 times the sound of speed.
 -- Dan Rather [first landing of Columbia]
%%
The side with the simplest uniforms win.
%%
The sight of death frightens them [Earthers].
 -- Kras the Klingon, "Friday's Child," stardate 3497.2.
%%
The sight of you is good for sore eyes.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
The sign brings customers.
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Fortune-Tellers, Book vii, Fable 15
%%
The significant problems we face cannot be solved
at the same level of awareness we were at when we created them.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The sign of a confident scientist: Often wrong, never in doubt.
%%
The sign said "eight items or less".  So I changed my name to Les.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The sign said, "SLOW CHILDREN"... how sad for the neighborhood!
%%
The signs of the times.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xvi, 3
%%
The silent snow fell relentlessly, unceasingly, mercilessly from the
sordid, sullied surreality of the sky as if some enormous, ethereal diner
were shaking grated parmesan on the great, soggy meatball that was earth.
 -- 1988 Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest, runner up
%%
The "silly question" is the first intimation of some totally new
development.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
The silver lining is easier to find in someone else's cloud.
%%
The silver snarling trumpets 'gan to chide.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- The Eve of St. Agnes, Stanza 4
%%
The simple but difficult arts of paying attention, copying accurately,
following
an argument, detecting an ambiguity or a false inference, testing guesses by
summoning up contrary instances, organizing one's time and one's thought for
study- all these arts cannot be taught in the air but only through the
difficulties of a defined subject; they cannot be taught in one course on one
year, but must be acquired gradually in dozens of connections.
 -- Jacques Barzun
%%
The simple explanation always follows the complex solution.
%%
  The simple fact is, our civilization puts no value on rest
 -- Walden Two
%%
The simple life is your key.  It will make you miserable.
%%
The simpler and more straightforward a concept, the longer and more
complex the documentation.
 -- Malek's Law
%%
The simple realization that there are other points of view is the
beginning of wisdom. Understanding what they are is a great step.
The final test is understanding why they are held.
 -- Charles M. Campbell
%%
The simple rights, the civil liberties from generations of struggle must not
be just fine words for patriotic holidays, words we subvert on weekdays, but
living, honored rules of conduct amongst us...I'm glad the American Civil
Liberties Union gets indignant, and I hope this will always be so.
 -- Senator Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
The simplest and most beautiful answer to a problem is inevitably wrong.
%%
The simplest and shortest ethical precept is to be served as little as
possible ... and to serve others as much as possible.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
The simplest schoolboy is now familiar with truths for which
Archimedes would have sacrificed his life.
 -- Ernest Renan
%%
The simplest subjects are the ones you don't know anything
about.
 -- De Nevers' Law of Complexity
%%
The simplicities of natural laws arise through the complexities of the
language we use for their expression.
 -- Eugene Wigner
%%
The sincerest form of flattery in television is imitation.
%%
The single greatest power in the world today is the power to change.
%%
The single most difficult move with a
disc is to put it down.  (Just one more.)
 -- The Tenth Commandment of Frisbee
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
The single word 'liberty' is all that still excites me.
 -- Andre Breton
 -- Manifesto of Surrealism
%%
The sinking sound of melting snow is heard in all the hills, and the ice
dissolves apace in the ponds.
 -- Thoreau
%%
The sin that most needs to be loved and forgiven
is the state of mind that sees human beings as sinners.
 -- Thaddeus Golas in The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment
%%
The Siren waits thee, singing song for song.
 -- Walter Savage Landor (1775-1864)
 -- To Robert Browning
%%
THESIS
  A work of great knowledge and thorough research on a very obscure
  subject, which upon publication is put in a library somewhere and
  never read again by anyone of great importance, except other thesis
  writers.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
The situation is not a disaster; it is merely a change.  The area won't
have disappeared; it will just be underwater.  Where you now have
cows, you will have fish.
 -- J.R. Spradley, a member of the U.S. delegation
 -- to an international conference on climate change,
 -- addressing the Bangladesh delegation about the then recent floods
%%
The six great gifts of an Irish girl are beauty,
soft voice, sweet speech, wisdom, needlework, and chastity.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt (1907)
%%
The Sixth Commandment for C programmers:
If a function be advertised to return an error code in the event of
difficulties, thou shalt check for that code, yea, even though the checks
triple the size of thy code and produce aches in thy typing fingers, for if
thou thinkest it cannot happen to me, the gods shall surely punish thee
for thy arrogance.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The Sixth Commandment of Frisbee:
     The greatest single aid to distance is for the disc to be going
in a direction you did not want.   (Goes the wrong way = Goes a long
way.)
 -- Dan Roddick
%%
The sixth shiek's sixth sheep's sick.
[just say that five times...]
%%
The sixties were good to you, weren't they?
 -- George Carlin
%%
The size of a mega byte of storage depends on whether you are entering data
or writing a program to fit in it.
%%
The size of the lie is a definite factor in causing it to be believed, for
the vast masses of a nation are in the depths of their hearts more
easily deceived then they are consciously & intentionally bad.  The
primitive simplicity of their minds renders them more easily prey to a
big lie then a small one, for they themselves often tell little lies but
would be ashamed to tell a big one.
 -- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, 1923
%%
The sky above the port was the color of television,
tuned to a dead channel.
 -- William Gibson, "Neuromancer"
%%
The sky already fell.  Now what?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The sky is changed,--and such a change! O night
And storm and darkness! ye are wondrous strong,
Yet lovely in your strength, as is the light
Of a dark eye in woman! Far along,
From peak to peak, the rattling crags among,
Leaps the live thunder.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 92
%%
The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The Sky Is Falling, Shut Up! The Ground is Flying!
%%
The sky is the daily bread of the eyes.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The sky was dark, the moon was high
 All alone just she and I
 Her hair was soft, her eyes were blue
 I knew just what she wanted to do
 Her skin so soft, her legs so fine
 I ran my fingers down her spine
 I didn't know how but I tried my best
 I started by placing my hands on her breast
 I remember my fear, my fast beating heart
 But slowly she spread her legs apart
 And when I did it I felt no shame
 All at once - the white stuff came
 At last it's finished, it's all over now
 My first time ever at milking a cow...
%%
The Sleeper Has Awakened.
%%
The sleep of a labouring man is sweet.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes v, 12
%%
The slender debt to Nature 's quickly paid,
Discharged, perchance, with greater ease than made.
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
 -- Emblems, Book ii, Emblem 13
%%
The slightest thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest
possibility of crossing my mind.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The slum is the measure of civilization.
 -- Jacob Riis (1849-1914)
%%
The small courtesies sweeten life; the greater ennoble it.
 -- Christian Nestell Bovee
%%
The smaller the issue, the bigger the fight.
%%
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.
%%
The smallest hole will empty the largest container, unless
it is made intentionally for drainage, in which case it will clog.
 -- Grissom's Conundrum
%%
The smallest interval of time known to man is
that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal
turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
 -- Carson's Definition
%%
The smallest worm will turn, being trodden on.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The small side of a broken ring lies here.
%%
The smarter you are, the easier some vet's job is.
%%
The Smiths never had any arms, and have invariably sealed their letters
with their thumbs.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 244
%%
The smoker you drink, the player you get.
%%
The Smorgasbord: Buffy Dinner
%%
The smothering of verbs is a cause of the weakening of the sentence impact.
%%
The snake has now devoured your bird.
%%
The so-called Christian world is contracepting itself out of existence.
 -- Fr. L. Kieffer, HLI Reports, August 1989, as quoted in The Far
       Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
The so-called "desktop metaphor" of today's workstations is instead an
"airplane-seat" metaphor.  Anyone who has shuffled a lap full of
papers while seated between two portly passengers will recognize the
difference -- one can see only a very few things at once.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
The so-called lessons of history are for the most part
 the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.
 -- Max Lerner
%%
The socialist or anarchist who seeks to overturn present conditions is
to be regarded as attacking the foundation upon which civilization
itself rests... One who studies this subject will soon be brought face
to face with the conclusion that upon the sacredness of property
civilization itself depends -- the right of the laborer to his hundred
dollars in the saving bank, and equally the legal right of the
millionaire to his millions.
 -- Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919)
%%
The social problems raised by science must be faced and solved by
the humanities.
 -- Harold Dodd
%%
    The Social Sciences are good at accounting for disasters
once they have taken place.
 -- Claude T. Bissell
%%
The social smile, the sympathetic tear.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Education and Government, line 37
%%
The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing
is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because
philosophy is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing
nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.
 -- John W. Gardner
%%
The soft droppes of rain perce the hard marble;
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 81
%%
The softer you sing, the louder you're heard.
 -- Donovan
%%
The soft-minded man always fears change. He feels security in the status
quo, and he has an almost morbid fear of the new. For him, the greatest
pain is the pain of a new idea.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
The soil out of which such men as he are made is good to be born on,
good to live on, good to die for and to be buried in.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Garfield
%%
The solemn fop; significant and budge;
A fool with judges, amongst fools a judge.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 299
%%
The sole remaining task for philosophy is the analysis of language.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%%
The solitary monk who shook the world
From pagan slumber, when the gospel trump
Thunder'd its challenge from his dauntless lips
In peals of truth.
 -- Robert Montgomery (1807-1855)
 -- Luther, Man's Need and God's Supply
%%
The solution of problems is the most characteristic and peculiar
sort of voluntary thinking.
 -- William James
%%
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
 -- Peer's Law
%%
The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers.
 -- Van Herpen's Law
%%
The son of parents pass'd into the skies.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- On the Receipt of my Mother's Picture
%%
The sons of Edward sleep in Abraham's bosom.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
money.
 -- Ed Bluestone, The National Lampoon
%%
The sooner and in more detail you announce the bad news, the better.
%%
The sooner our happiness together begins, the longer it will last.
 -- Miramanee, "The Paradise Syndrome," stardate 4842.6.
%%
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
 -- Stenderup's Law
%%
The sooner you get in debt, the earlier you become aware of the need to pay
 off that debt.
%%
The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be
able to correct them.
 -- Nicolaides
%%
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
The sorrows of death compassed me.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xviii, 4
%%
The soul aspiring pants its source to mount,
As streams meander level with their fount.
 -- Robert Montgomery (1807-1855)
 -- The Omnipresence of the Deity, Part i
%%
:The Soul of a New Machine:
Tracy Kidder
Little, Brown, 1981
(paperback: Avon, 1982
ISBN 0-380-59931-7)

This book (a 1982 Pulitzer Prize winner) documents the adventure of the
design of a new Data General computer, the MV-8000 Eagle.  It is an
amazingly well-done portrait of the hacker mindset --- although largely
the hardware hacker --- done by a complete outsider.  It is a bit thin
in spots, but with enough technical information to be entertaining to
the serious hacker while providing non-technical people a view of what
day-to-day life can be like --- the fun, the excitement, the disasters.
During one period, when the microcode and logic were glitching at the
nanosecond level, one of the overworked engineers departed the company,
leaving behind a note on his terminal as his letter of resignation: "I
am going to a commune in Vermont and will deal with no unit of time
shorter than a season."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
The soul of music slumbers in the shell
Till waked and kindled by the master's spell;
And feeling hearts, touch them but rightly, pour
A thousand melodies unheard before!
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Human Life
%%
The soul of this man is in his clothes.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The soul's calm sunshine and the heartfelt joy.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 168
%%
The soul's dark cottage, batter'd and decay'd,
Lets in new light through chinks that Time has made.
Stronger by weakness, wiser men become
As they draw near to their eternal home:
Leaving the old, both worlds at once they view
That stand upon the threshold of the new.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- On the Divine Poems
%%
The souls of emperors and cobblers are cast in the same mould....
The same reason that makes us wrangle with a neighbour causes a war
betwixt princes.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
%%
The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
The sounding jargon of the schools.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Truth, Line 367
%%
The sound of a switchblade and a motorbike
%%
The sound of a SysOp reading mail:   [CR][CR][CR][CR][CR]
%%
The sound of fresh rain run-off splashing from the roof reminded me of the
 sound of urine splashing into a filthy Texaco latrine.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
The sound of laughter has always seemed to me the most civilized
music in the universe.
 -- Peter Ustinov
%%
The Source be with you, Luke.
%%
The source codes and formal descriptions [for DES] were publically available
in USSR long before that posting. I've first seen it being a student and
hacking some Unix sources about 1982. Isn't it stupid to continue insisting on
export restrictions of the well-known technology?
 -- Vadim Antonov
%%
The source of enthusiasm.
He achieves great things.
Doubt not.
You gather friends around you
As a hair clasp gathers the hair.
%%
The source of nourishment.
Awareness of danger brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
%%
The Southern rebellion was largely the outgrowth of the Mexican war.
 Nations, like individuals, are punished for their transgressions.
 We got our punishment in the most sanguinary and expensive war of
modern times.
 -- Ulysses S. Grant, Personal Memoirs, 1885
%%
The sovereign I gave his daughter in marriage.
The embroidered garments of the princess
Were not as gorgeous
As those of the servingmaid.
The moon that is nearly full
Brings good fortune.
%%
The sovereign I
Gives his daughter in marriage.
This brings blessing
And supreme good fortune.
%%
The Soviet news agency TASS reported that one of the leaders of
the failed Soviet coup committed suicide by shooting himself in
the head. He died after the third bullet entered his head.
%%
The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's
readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of
some pieces of wood.  Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet
reflection followed by sudden preventive action explains why they led
the field for many years in both chess and ax murders.  It is well
known that as early as 1970, the U.S.S.R., aware of what a defeat at
Reykjavik would do to national prestige, implemented a vigorous program
of preparation and incentive.  Every day for an entire year, a team of
psychologists, chess analysts and coaches met with the top three
Russian grand masters and threatened them with a pointy stick.  That
these tactics proved fruitless is now a part of chess history and a
further testament to the American way, which provides that if you want
something badly enough, you can always go to Iceland and get it from
the Russians.
 -- Marshall Brickman, Playboy, April, 1973
%%
...the Soviets have the capability to try big projects.  If there is a goal,
such as when Gorbachev states that they are going to have nuclear-powered
aircraft carriers, the case is closed -- that is it.  They will concentrate
on the problem, do a bad job, and later pay the price.  They really don't
care what the price is.
 -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
   Defense Electronics, Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 100
%%
The Soviet Union does not exist any more in its present format.
%%
The Soviet Union has soap operas like One Day to Live and Search for All My
 Children. And game shows like Bowling for Food and Wheel of Torture. My
 favorite show was about a guy who had the opportunity to leave Russia and
 didn't: That's Incredible.
 -- Yakov Smirnoff
%%
The Soviet Union never had gridlock, and look what it got them.
%%
The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet
 themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against
 the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: `Hey you stinking fat Russian, get
 off my Ford Escort.'
 -- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live
%%
The Space People think factories are musical instruments. Each song
lasts from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. No music on weekends.
%%
The Space People think that TV news programs are comedies, and that
soap operas are news.
%%
The Space People will contact us when they can make money by doing so.
%%
The spaceship with its human cargo
Speeds from star to blazing star.
The captain, humming Handel's Largo,
Wonders where the hell they are.
%%
The spacious firmament on high,
With all the blue ethereal sky,
And spangled heavens, a shining frame,
Their great Original proclaim.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Ode
%%
The Spanish fleet thou canst not see, because--it is not yet in sight!
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The sparrows are flying again
 -- Steven King.
%%
The speaker rose to speak after dinner and said " You have given your
 attention to a turkey stuffed with sage, and now you are asked to give your
 attention to a sage stuffed with turkey."
%%
The speaking of any language other than English is prohibited
in any public place of Sweet Home, Oregon.
%%
The spectacle of astrology in the White House -- the governing center of
the world's greatest scientific and military power -- is so appalling that
it defies understanding and provides grounds for great fright.  The easiest
response is to laugh it off, and to indulge in wisecracks about Civil
Service ratings for horoscope makers and palm readers and whether Reagan
asked Mikhail Gorbachev for his sign.  A contagious good cheer is the
hallmark of this presidency, even when the most dismal matters are concerned.
But this time, it isn't funny.  It's plain scary.
 -- Daniel S. Greenberg, Editor, _Science and Government Report_,
 -- writing in "Newsday", May 5, 1988
%%
The spectacles of books.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Essay on Dramatic Poetry
%%
The speed at which the legislative process seems to work is in inverse
proportion to your enthusiasm for the bill. If you want a bill to
move quickly, committee hearings, the rules committee, and legislative
procedures appear to be roadblocks to democracy. If you do not want
the bill to pass, such procedures are essential to furthering representative
government, etc., etc.
 -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything.
%%
The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the
quality of his service.
 -- Ralph Nader, "The Spoiled System"
%%
The speed of light is defined to be EXACTLY 299,792,458 meters per second.
%%
The speed of time is one second per second.
%%
The spider's touch, how exquisitely fine!
Feels at each thread, and lives along the line.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 217
%%
The spinsters and the knitters in the sun
And the free maids that weave their thread with bones
Do use to chant it: it is silly sooth,
And dallies with the innocence of love,
Like the old age.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxvi, 41
%%
The spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure it is always right.
 -- Judge Learned Hand
%%
The spirit of Plato dies hard.  We have been unable to escape the
philosophical tradition that what we can see and measure in the world
is merely the superficial and imperfect representation of an underlying
reality.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man"
%%
The spirit of public service will rise, and the bureaucracy will
multiply itself much faster, in time of grave national concern.
 -- Taylor Branch
%%
The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain
occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to Abigail Adams, Paris, Feb. 22, 17
87
%%
The spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and
understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge
and of the fear of the Lord.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xi, 2
%%
The spirits of just men made perfect.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews xii, 23
%%
The Spiritual Life: Ned Itation
%%
The spiritual virtue of a sacrament is like light,--although it passes
among the impure, it is not polluted.
 -- Saint Augustine (354-430)
 -- Works, Vol. iii, In Johannis Evangelum, c. tr. 5, Sect. 15
%%
The spirit walks of every day deceased.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 180
%%
Thespis, the first professor of our art,
At country wakes sung ballads from a cart.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Prologue to Lee's Sophonisba
%%
The spit valve's fallen off his trumpet again.
%%
The splendor of an editor's speech and the splendor of his newspaper
are inversely related to the distance between the city in which
he makes his speech and the city in which he publishes his paper.
 -- Ben Bragdikian
%%
        The Split-Atom Blues

Gimme Twinkies, gimme wine,
    Gimme jeans by Calvin Kline ...
But if you split those atoms fine,
    Mama keep 'em off those genes of mine!

Gimme zits, take my dough,
    Gimme arsenic in my jelly roll ...
Call the devil and sell my soul,
    But Mama keep dem atoms whole!
 -- Milo Bloom, Bloom County
%%
The spokesperson told me that one of the hot toys
for boys this year, once again, is the G.I. Joe
action figure and "accessories," which is the toy
industry code word for guns, as in: "Don't nobody
move!  I got an accessory!"
 -- Dave Barry
%%
The sportsmanship of hunting depends upon whether your are the hunter or
 the hunted.
%%
The sports page records people's accomplishments;
The front page nothing but their failures.
 -- Supreme Court Justice Earl Warren
%%
The spotted owl isn't really important because it's only a subspecies.
 -- Denny Smith
%%
The spot you are scrubbing is always on the other side.
 -- Hamilton's Rule for Cleaning Glassware
If the spot is on the inside, you won't be able to reach it.
 -- Corollary
%%
The spring is a time for political activists.
Leaflets are everywhere; just look at the trees.
%%
The sprinkled isles,
Lily on lily, that o'erlace the sea.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Cleon
%%
The Squeaking Gate: Rusty Hinges
%%
The squeaky hinge gets the oil.
 -- Gene Franklin
%%
The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but the yapping dog gets kicked.
%%
The staff beats you and then races around the room.
%%
The staff becomes slightly warm and begins to lighten up.
%%
The staff begins to chuckle, and laugh, and snicker, and titter, and
giggle, giggle, and . . .
%%
The staff has beaten you severely. You can't carry as much as before.
%%
The staff has shrunk to a shadow of its former power.
%%
The staff has turned into a cobra and killed you.
%%
The staff is racing madly around the room.
%%
The staff quivers violently in your hand, as if confused by your
command. command.
%%
The staff shakes violently and says, "I hope you know what you are
doing. doing. I can't bear to watch!"
%%
The staff snickers in your hand and says, "That was a good try, but
even even an apprentice can do better than that!"
%%
The staff stops laughing, finally.
%%
The staff suddenly becomes very cold and dark.
%%
The staff suddenly screams, "He's back in the cave! And he's looking
for for YOU!!"
%%
The staff turns into an eagle and flies away.
%%
The staff wriggles free from your grip and slips away.
%%
The stamping out of the artist is one of the blind goals of every
civilization.  When a civilization becomes so standardized that the
individual can no longer make an imprint on it, then that civilization
is dying.  The "mass mind" has taken over and another set of national
glories is heading for history's scrap heap.
 -- Elie Faure (1875-1937)
%%
The standard German word for committee is 'Ausschuss' which, perhaps by
more than coincidence, also means 'rubbish'.
 -- R. V. Jones
%%
The standard is changing.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
To go out of the door in company
Produces deeds.
%%
The standing miracle of this visible world is little thought of, because always
before us...For man himself is a greater miracle  than any miracle done through
his instrumentality.
 -- St Augustine
%%
The standstill comes to an end.
First standstill, then good fortune.
%%
The Stanley Cup, hockey's most coveted championship award, was presented
by Governer-General Lord Stanley in 1893. Its original cost - $48.67
(tax unknown)
%%
The Stanley Cup is coming home baby, where it belongs - Montreal!
%%
The Stanley Cup? It's a good bet the Bruins know we're here.
%%
The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something.
 -- Hitchcock's Staple Principle
%%
The Star Gem glints weakly as if to say:
'You have used me overmuch.'
and it vanishes a puff of regret.
%%
The Stark Bumper of Retribution.
%%
The Stark Packet of Retribution.
%%
The Stark Plasma Rifle of Retribution.
%%
The star of riches is shining upon you.
%%
The star of riches is shining upon you.
Unfortunately the roof of your house is blocking its rays.
%%
The star of the unconquered will.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Light of Stars
%%
The starry cope
Of heaven.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 992
%%
The starry Galileo with his woes.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 54
%%
"The stars are made of the same atoms as the earth."  I usually pick one
small topic like this to give a lecture on.  Poets say science takes
away from the beauty of the stars -- mere gobs of gas atoms.  Nothing is
"mere."  I too can see the stars on a desert night, and feel them.  But
do I see less or more?       The vastness of the heavens stretches my
imagination -- stuck on this carousel my little eye can catch
one-million-year-old light.  A vast pattern -- of which I am a part --
perhaps my stuff was belched from some forgotten star, as one is
belching there.  Or see them with the greater eye of Palomar, rushing
all apart from some common starting point when they were perhaps all
together.  What is the pattern, or the meaning, or the *why?* It does
not do harm to the mystery to know a little about it.  For far more
marvelous is the truth than any artists of the past imagined!  Why do
the poets of the present not speak of it?  What men are poets who can
speak of Jupiter if he were like a man, but if he is an immense spinning
sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent?
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988)
%%
The stars have no control over you.
%%
The stars in their courses fought against Sisera.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Judges v, 20
%%
... The stars seem very different today.
 -- David Bowie
%%
The star that bids the shepherd fold.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 93
%%
The starting point of all individual achievement is the adoption of a
 definite purpose and a definite plan for its attainment.
 -- Napoleon Hill
%%
The startling truth finally became apparent, and it was this: Numbers
written on restaurant checks within the confines of restaurants do not follow
the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in
any other parts of the Universe.  This single statement took the scientific
world by storm.  So many mathematical conferences got held in such good
restaurants that many of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and
heart failure, and the science of mathematics was put back by years.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The State: friend to all, enemy of each one.
%%
The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
%%
The stately homes of England,--
  How beautiful they stand,
Amid their tall ancestral trees,
  O'er all the pleasant land!
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- The Homes of England
%%
The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual
curiosity.
 -- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
The State of Delaware has a law against pawning your wooden leg.
%%
The state of England ... The drain on Britain's gold reserves has finally
 stopped. They've all gone ... We would all have had our backs to the
 wall--but we're so far behind with the building program that the wall isn't
 ready. Parliament is opened by Her Majesty the Queen, who would be well
 advised to take one quick look and shut it again.
 -- David Frost
%%
The statesman shears the sheep, the politician skins them.
%%
The stationary bus you've run for won't move for 15 minutes.
%%
The statistical probability of being a good husband is equal to that of
 finding a gorilla with real talent for playing the harp.
%%
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering
 from some form of mental illness.  Think of your three best friends.  If
 they're okay, then it's you.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
The statues are impassive.
%%
The stature of a science is commonly measured by the degree to which
it makes use of mathematics.
 -- S. S. Stevens
%%
The stay and the staff, the whole stay of bread, and the whole stay of water.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah iii, 1
%%
The steady state of disks is full.
 -- Ken Thompson
%%
The sterile radical is basically conservative. He is afraid to
let go of the ideas and beliefs he picked up in his youth lest his
life be seen as empty and wasted.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
The still small voice of gratitude.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Ode for Music, V, Line 8
%%
The still sowe eats up all the draffe.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
The stock actor is a stage calamity.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care--and oh what a terrible
 smell filled the air.
 -- Jethro Burns
%%
The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires,
is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes.
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
The Stoics also teach that God is unity, and that he is called Mind
and Fate and Jupiter, and by many other names besides.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Zeno, lxviii
%%
The stolen car fairy?

 A lawyer once said his client didn't know how a
 number of stolen cars had ended up on his property.
%%
The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food
available.
 -- Iske's Teenage Corollary to Parkinson's Law
%%
The stone age was marked by man's clever use of crude tools; the
information age, to date, has been marked by man's crude use
of clever tools.
%%
The stone glows black
A burden has been removed from your shoulders.....
Your pack has disintegrated!
%%
The stone glows yellow
Oh no! The DREADED AQUAE MORTIS!
No, wait, it's just your imagination.
%%
The Stones, I love the Stones.  I watch them whenever I can.  Fred, Barney...
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The stone which the builders refused is become the head stone of the corner.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxviii, 22
%%
The stop sign which caused this action appeared there recently and was new
 to me. It cause me great alarm and when I am watching its pole, I note the
 sign is too low for the car, which is why it destroy the windshield. When I
 note this, it excite me, and that is when wall came into line of drive and
 cause me to ruin radiator, but not until I got the truck of the man who was
 putting up those stop signs. If there were more space on this form I tell
 you about baby carriage, but this is enough information for you for one
 day.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
The storm starts
when drops start dropping.
When the drops stop dropping
then the storm starts stopping.
 -- Dr Suess
%%
The stormy March has come at last,
  With winds and clouds and changing skies;
I hear the rushing of the blast
  That through the snowy valley flies.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- March
%%
The story is extant, and writ in choice Italian.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
THE STORY OF CREATION
 or
 THE MYTH OF URK

 In the beginning there was data.   The data was without form and null,
 and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM
 was moving over the face of the market.  And DEC said, "Let there be
 registers"; and there were registers.  And DEC saw that they carried;
 and DEC separated the data from the instructions.  DEC called the data
 Stack, and the instructions they called Code.  And there was evening
 and there was morning, one interrupt...

 -- Rico Tudor
%%
The story
of life is quicker
than the wink of an eye
The story of love
is hello and goodbye
Until we meet again
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
The story of man is the history, first, of the acceptance and imposition
of restraints necessary to permit communal life; and second, of the
emancipation of the individual within that system of necessary restraints.
 -- Justice Abe Fortas
%%
The Story of the Film So Far...
%%
The story so far:
In the beginning, the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a
bad move.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The story you are about to hear is true.
 Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
%%
The stream-of-unconsciousness BBS.
%%
The street finds its own uses for technology;
the net finds its own uses for garbage.
%%
The Street finds its own uses for technology.
 -- William Gibson
%%
The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
them unsafe.
 -- Frank Rizzo (ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia)
%%
The streets have never been so gay. Women are laughing, children are
  singing...oh, look! Look! There's a man being indecently assaulted
  by nine foreign sailors...and he's _still_ got a smile on his face!
 -- Percy to Edmund : Potato
%%
The strength of the Constitution lies entirely in the determination of each
citizen to defend it.  Only if every single citizen feels duty bound to do
his share in this defense are the constitutional rights secure.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The strength
Of twenty men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The strongest and the fiercest spirit
That fought in heaven, now fiercer by despair.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 44
%%
The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone.
 -- Henrik Ibsen, "An Enemy of the People", 1882
%%
The strongest of all warriors are these two -- Time and Patience.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice.
 -- George Eliot
%%
The strong give up and move away, while the weak give up and stay.
%%
The structure of a system reflects the structure of the organization
that built it.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
The structure of the joke is the juxtaposition of the trivial and the mundane.
We have to reconcile the paradox of it all. The joke mirrors the paradox.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
is an emerging underachiever.
%%
The Student virus
  Will not store any data unless it is examinable
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The study of Nature is intercourse with the highest Mind. You should
never trifle with Nature.
 -- (Jean) Louis (Rodolphe) Agassiz (1807-1873),
 -- Swiss-born, American naturalist
 -- Agassiz at Penikese
%%
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
%%
    The study of the errors into which great minds have fallen
in the pursuit of truth can never be uninstructive. . . No man
is so wise but that he may learn some wisdom from his past
errors, either of thought or action, and no society has made
such advances as to be capable of no improvement from the
retrospect of its past folly and credulity.
 -- Charles Mackay
%%
The stupid are deaf to the truth; they hear, but
 think that the wisdom applies to someone else.
 -- Heraclitus (540?-480? B.C.)
%%
The stylus is more potent than the claymore.
%%
The subject of a sentence and the principal verb
   should not, as a rule, be separated by a phrase or
   clause that can be transferred to the beginning.
 -- Writing Rule 44
%%
The subspace W inherits the other 8 properties of V. And there aren't
even any property taxes.
 -- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
%%
The subtlety of nature is greater many times over than the subtlety
of the senses and understanding.
 -- Bacon
%%
  ... The subtlety of these methods implies an important source of
  unreliability; unreliable error recovery.  Thus it is important that
  system testing pay meticulous attention to fault simulation to
  uncover weaknesses in the recovery.  Data taken on electronic
  switching systems show that failure to recover from simplex faults
  is usually a significant source of total outage time....

 -- Edwin A. Irland, Assuring Quality and Reliability of Complex Electronic
     Systems: Hardware and Software, Proceedings of the IEEE, January 1988
%%
The successful business man sometimes makes his money by ability and
experience; but he generally makes it by mistake.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterson (1874-1936)
%%
The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with
his business before his competitors do.
 -- Roy L. Smith
%%
The successful people are the ones who can think up things for the rest
of the world to keep busy at.
 -- Don Marquis (1878-1937)
%%
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal.
 -- Erich Fromm (1900-1980)
%%
The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the
wrong denomination.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The succubus beckons seductively...
Flee? [yn]
The succubus shows you a good time....
%%
The sufficiency of my merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
The summer day has clos'd- the sun is set; Well have they done their office,
those bright hours, The latest of whose train goes swiftly out In the red west.
 -- Bryant
%%
The sum of a column of numbers is time dependant.
%%
The sum of earthly bliss.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 522
%%
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant;
the population is growing.
 -- Cole's Axiom
%%
The sum of the Universe is zero.
%%
The sumptuousness of a company's annual report is in inverse proportion
to its profitability that year.
 -- Irving Hale
%%
The sun always rises on the most tired people.
%%
The sun comes up too early for my liking!
%%
The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
 -- Jon Kirkup
%%
The sun got confused about daylight savings time.  It rose twice.  Everything
 had two shadows.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The sun has set, and twilight covers the world.
%%
The Sun is at the center of the Universe.
 -- Copernicus
%%
The sun is never the worse for shining on a dunghill.
%%
The sun is not kind to plastic or people.
%%
The Sun is the same, in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death.
%%
The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.
 -- Ursula K. LeGuin, "The Dispossessed"
%%
    The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in
the East and the sun sets in the West.  Queen Victoria was the longest queen.
She sat on a thorn for 63 years.  He reclining years and finally the end of
her life were exemplatory of a great personality.  Her death was the final
event which ended her reign.
 -- The World According to Student Bloopers: Richard Lederer
%%
The sun never sets on British race cars!.
%%
The sun never sets on the British Empire.  But it rises every morning.  The sky
 must get awfully crowded.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
The sun never sets on those who ride into it.
 -- RKO
%%
The sun rises over the earth:
The image of Progress.
Thus the superior man himself
Brightens his bright virtue
%%
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxi, 6
%%
The sunshine bores the daylights out of me.
%%
The sun's over the yardarm.
%%
The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago,
had they happened to be within reach of predatory human hands.
 -- Havelock Ellis (1859-1939), "The Dance of Life", 1923
%%
The sun to me is dark
And silent as the moon,
When she deserts the night
Hid in her vacant interlunar cave.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 86
%%
The sun was shining brightly,
And I could hardly wait,
To ponder at my window,
And gaze at my estate.

My eyes fell on a little bird,
With a lovely yellow bill.
I beckoned him to come and sit,
Upon my window sill.

I smiled at him most cheerfully,
And gave him a crust of bread.
Then I quickly closed the window,
And crushed his f***ing head!
%%
The sun was shining on the sea, Shining with all his might: He did
his very best
to make The billows smooth and bright -- And this was very odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
%%
The sun, which passeth through pollutions and itself remains as pure as before.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Advancement of Learning, Book ii
%%
The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
 -- Francis M. Voltaire (1694-1778)
 -- Le Mondain, Line 21
%%
The superiority of some men is mere local.  They are great because their
associates are little.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
The superior man acts before he speaks, and afterwards speaks according
to his action.
 -- Confucius
%%
The superior man changes like a panther.
The inferior man molts in the face.
Starting brings misfortune.
To remain persevering brings good fortune.
And makes the seasons clear.
%%
The superior man has neither anxiety nor fear.
 -- Cervantes
%%
The superior man is distressed by the limitation of his ability;  he is not
distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability he has.
 -- Confucius
%%
The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
 -- Confucius
%%
The superior man rises by lifting others.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands
what will sell.
 -- Confucius (551-479 B.C.)
%%
The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling
 their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from
 the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision. Each tends to
 ascribe to the other side a consistency, forsight and coherence that
 its own experience belies. Of course, even two blind men can do
 enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
"[T]he supposition of most expounders of the Special Theory, that
Einstein has proved the relativity of simultaneity in general - or
that his 'simultaneity' is something more than a logical artefact
- must manifestly be given up."
 -- Arthur O. Lovejoy,
 -- "The Dialectical Argument Against Absolute Simultaneity",
 -- The Journal of Philosophy, 27, 1930
%%
The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.
 -- Arnold Toynbee
%%
The Supreme Court does it with all deliberate speed.
%%
The Supreme Court has ruled they cannot have a Nativity scene in
 Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find
 three wise men and a virgin.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
The Supreme court says three may keep a secret, if two of them used
to work for the CIA.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
The supreme irony of life is hardly anyone ever gets out of it alive.
 -- Robert Heinlein
%%
The supreme triumph of reason is to cast doubt upon its own validity:
 -- Miguel de Unamuno
%%
The surest pledge of a deathless name
Is the silent homage of thoughts unspoken.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Herons of Elmwood
%%
The surest sign that a man is in love is when he divorces his wife.
%%
The surest way to be alone is to get married.
%%
The surest way to be late is to have plenty of time.
%%
The surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher
esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
The surest way to encourage violence is to give in to it.
%%
The surest way to hit a woman's heart is to take aim kneeling.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- Douglas Jerrold's Wit
%%
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
The surest way to remain a winner
is to win once, and then not play any more.
%%
The Surgeon General has determined that
Continued serious computer use may be hazardous to your health.
%%
The Surgeon General has determined that life causes death!
%%
The Surgeon General says always wear your rubbers.
%%
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old
fools.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
The Svengali Defense
 -- Female-Only Defense 11
%%
The Sweat Shop: Hiram Cheap
%%
The Swedish Chef has been assimilated. "Borg borg borg!"
%%
The sweetest garland to the sweetest maid.
 -- Thomas Tickell (1686-1740)
 -- To a Lady with a Present of Flowers
%%
The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love; The taint of earth, the
odor of the skies is in it.
 -- Bailey
%%
The sweet psalmist of Israel.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel xxiii, 1
%%
The sweet remembrance of the just
Shall flourish when he sleeps in dust.
 -- Tate and Brady
 -- cxii, 6
%%
The sweet simplicity of the three per cents.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Endymion, Chap. xcvi
%%
The Synthetic Fuels Corporation, like the egg roll, is shrimp surrounded
by dough.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
The Syracusan Hicetas, as Theophrastus asserts, holds the view that
the heaven, sun, moon, stars, and in short all of the things on high
are stationary, and that nothing in the world is in motion except
the earth, which by revolving and twisting round its axis with extreme
velocity produces all the same results as would be produced if the
earth were stationary and the heaven in motion...
 -- Cicero, Academica, 45 B.C.
%%
The Sysop has granted you unlimited download privleeches.
%%
The Sysop has to hold the peace on both sides.
%%
The Sysop Of MY Board Is Better Than Yours!!
%%
The SysOp probably disagrees with this user!
%%
The system is a sacred tin god: never break it or dent it when you
can get what you want by bending it.
%%
The system is not quite as rickety as I have been telling you.
 -- Ralph Gorin
%%
The system's pasta maker. . .  take a lump of dough,
send it through AMBLIST, and you come out with beautiful
spaghetti!
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 14.0 Chapter 14.  AMBLIST
%%
The system will be down for 10 days for preventive maintenance.
%%
The system will be down for about a week next month
while we install a new manager.
%%
The tagline is mightier than the sword.
%%
The talking movie was an improvement. Now, I am looking for another, like a
 silent television talk show.
%%
The talk of the lips tendeth only to penury.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiv, 23
%%
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the scythe.
 -- Old Russian saying
%%
The tallest human in the world was Robert Wadlow.
He was 8 feet 11 1/2 inches.
%%
The tallest trees are most in the power of the winds, and ambitious men
of the blasts of fortune.
 -- William Penn
%%
The tall, the wise, the reverend head
Must lie as low as ours.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Hymns and Spiritual Songs, Book ii, Hymn 63
%%
The Taming Power of the Great.
Perseverance furthers.
Not eating at home brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
%%
The Taming Power of the Small
Has success.
Dense clouds, no rain from our western region.
%%
The Tao gave birth to machine language.  Machine language gave birth
to the assembler.

The assembler gave birth to the compiler.  Now there are ten thousand
languages.

Each language has its purpose, however humble.  Each language expresses
the yin and yang of software.  Each language has its place within the Tao.

But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.
 -- The Tao of Programming
%%
:The Tao of Programming:
James Geoffrey
Infobooks, 1987
ISBN 0-931137-07-1

This gentle, funny spoof of the "Tao Te Ching" contains much that is
illuminating about the hacker way of thought.  "When you have learned to
snatch the error code from the trap frame, it will be time for you to
leave."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal Name.
 -- Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching
%%
The tar pit of software engineering will continue to be sticky for a
long time to come.  One can expect the human race to continue
attempting systems just within or just beyond our reach; and software
systems are perhaps the most intricate and complex of man's
handiworks.  The management of this complex craft will demand our best
use of new languages and systems, our best adaptation of proven
engineering management methods, liberal doses of common sense, and ...
humility to recognize our fallibility and limitations.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The tasks to do immediately are the minor ones; otherwise you'll for get them.
The major ones are often better to defer. They usually need more time for
reflection. Besides, if you forget them, they'll remind you.
 -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
The Taxation office virus
  Takes 48% of your winnings at Solitaire
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The tax system is stacked against the average taxpayer.
%%
The tax which will be paid for the purpose of education is not more
than the thousandth part of what will be paid to kings, priests and
nobles who will rise up among us if the people are in ignorance.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The teacher asked three boys to write an essay. She said, "Write on what
 you would do if you had a million dollars, and bring it in tomorrow."

 So the next day the three little boys came in. She said to the first boy,
 "Percy, this is a nice essay on what you'd do with a million dollars. You
 said you'd give your mother a new home, your father a new car, send your
 sister to college--I think that's wonderful." And she said to the second
 boy, "I'm proud of you, David. You wrote a nice essay on what you'd do with
 a million dollars. You'd buy your mother a Cadillac and a mink coat ..."

 She looked at the paper of the third boy. She said, "Donny, you're paper
 has nothing on it!" He said, "That's what I'd do with a million dollars.
 Nothing!"
 -- Moms Mabley
%%
The teacher must derive not only the capacity, but the desire, to
observe natural phenomena.  The teacher must understand and feel her
position of observer: the activity must lie in the phenomenon.
 -- Maria Montessori
%%
The teacher should never lose his temper in the presence of the class. If a
 man, he may take refuge in profane soliloquies; if a woman, she may follow
 the example of one sweet-faced and apparently tranquil girl--go out in the
 yard and gnaw a post.
 -- William Lyon Phelps
%%
The teacher told the young student to put on a new pair of underwear pants
 each day, and the kid did. At the end of two weeks, he could no longer get
 his ordinary pants on!
%%
The teaching of BASIC in schools, should be considered a criminal act.
 -- Dijkstra
%%
The tears of penitents are the wine of angels.
 -- St. Bernard
%%
The technology involved in making anything invisible is so infinitely
complex that nine hundred and ninety-nine billion, nine hundred and
ninety-nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred
and ninety-nine times out of a trillion it is much simpler and more
effective just to take the thing away and do without it.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The technology we know the least about APPEARS to be the most
attractive.
 -- Amdahl customer speaking of CMOS and Parallel Sysplex
%%
The Telephone Exchange ... A unique experience.
%%
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having
to offer them a drink.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of the
 way when it struck my front end.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door,
fumbling for your keys.
%%
The telescope makes the world smaller,
the microscope makes the world larger.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
The television screen is the retina of the mind's eye
 -- Prof. Brian O'Blivion
%%
The television writer's guild went on strike again today. This time to
demand larger crayons.
%%
The TELIX.FBK's here!  The TELIX.FBK's here!
 -- S. Martin
%%
The Telltale Heart: Stefi Scope
%%
The temperature has shot up a little bit.
%%
The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled
culinary vessel will not achieve 100 degrees on the Celsius scale.
%%
The temple of our purest thoughts is- silence!
 -- Mrs. Hale
%%
The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice.
%%
The tendencies of democracies are, in all things, to mediocrity,
since the tastes, knowledge and principles of the majority form the
tribunal of appeal.
 -- James Fenimore Cooper
%%
The tendency of all strong Governments has always been to suppress
liberty, partly in order to ease the processes of rule, partly from
sheer disbelief in innovation.
 -- J. A. Hobson (1858-1940)
%%
The tendency of smoke from a cigarette, barbecue, campfire,
etc. to drift into a person's face varies directly with that
person's sensitivity to smoke.
 -- Sir Walter's Law
%%
The tendency to claim God as an ally for our partisan values and
ends is the source of all religious fanaticism.
%%
The tengu was the most troublesome creature of Japanese
legend.  Part bird and part man, with red beak for a nose
and flashing eyes, the tengu was notorious for stirring up
feuds and prolonging enmity between families. Indeed, the
belligerent tengus were supposed to have been man's first
instructors in the use of arms.
 -- From: Mythical Beasts by Deirdre Headon
%%
The Tens:
 The first decade of a new century.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
The Tenth Commandment for C programmers:
Thou shalt foreswear, renounce, and abjure the vile heresy which claimeth
that All the world's a VAX, and have no commerce with the benighted
heathens who cling to this barbarous belief, that the days of thy program may
be long even though the days of thy current machine be short.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The tenure of an employee who is right all of the time will
be rather short.
%%
The Terminator Said It Best.
%%
The term "Liberal Thinktank" is an oxymoron.
%%
The territory behind rhetoric is too often mined with
equivocation.
 -- Dunne's Law
%%
The terrorists are irrational. "Allah says die Yankee dog!" Whaddya gonna
 do? I think we can use this to our advantage. The Islam fanatics, their
 religion tells them they can't come into contact with pork. This opens up a
 whole new vista of warfare. We don't need guns. We don't need bombs. Ham
 grenades!
 -- Paul Provenza
%%
The "terror" of the French Revolution lasted for ten years. The terror that
preceded and led to it lasted for a thousand years.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two
 opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability
 to function.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
The test of civilization is the estimate of woman.
%%
The test of courage comes when we are in the minority.  The test of tolerance
comes when we are in the majority.
 -- Ralph W. Sockman
%%
The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those
who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.
 -- Dietrich Bonhoeffer
%%
The Texas Legislature, God forbid, wil be with us again shortly, thus
depriving many a village of its idiot.
 -- Molly Ivins
%%
The theoretical broadening which comes from having many
humanities subjects on the campus is offset by the general
dopiness of the people who study these things...
 -- Richard Feynman
%%
The theory of Communism may be summed up in one sentence:  Abolish all
private property.
 -- Karl Marx (1818-1883), "The Communist Manifesto"
%%
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
%%
The theory of liberty, when delivered in a political speech by a candidate,
 always sounds far better and contains a great deal more promise than the
 actual practice of liberty is prepared to give unless the listeners are
 willing to pay higher taxes.
%%
The theory used to be that you marry an older man because they are more mature.
 The new theory is that men don't mature.  So you might as well marry a younger
 one.
%%
The therapist is NOT in.
%%
Th' ethereal mould
Incapable of stain would soon expel
Her mischief, and purge off the baser fire,
Victorious. Thus repuls'd, our final hope
Is flat despair.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 139
%%
The the secret of contentment is knowing how to enjoy what you have, and
to be able to lose all desire for things beyond your reach.
 -- Lin Yutang
%%
The thickness of the proposal required to win a multimillion dollar
contract is about one millimeter per million dollars. If all the proposals
conforming to this standard were piled on top of each other at the bottom
of the Grand Canyon, it would probably be a good idea.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXVI
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The thief
 Left it behind --
 The moon at the window.
 -- Ryokan
%%
The thing in the world I am most of afraid of is fear,
and with good reason, that passion alone in the trouble of it exceeding
other accidents.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
The thing most generally raised on land is taxes.
%%
The things in this file don't have to be in bad taste, they just
have to leave a bad taste.
 -- Dick Munroe
%%
"The things I tell you will not be wrong. Better to listen than to talk."
"I believe you."
"Don't search for all the answers at once. A path is formed by laying
one stone at a time. One person saw the third man. Three have seen him, yes,
but not his body. One only, known to you, ready now to talk. One more thing:
there is something which you have forgotten."
 -- The Giant and Agent Dale Cooper, "Twin Peaks"
%%
The things I want to know are in books; my best friend is the man
who'll get me a book I ain't read.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
The things love can drive a man to ...
%%
... the things love can drive a man to -- the ecstasies,
  the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the
  glorious failures and the glorious victories.
 -- McCoy, "Requiem for Methuselah," stardate 5843.7.
%%
The things people want most to know are usually encrypted.
%%
The things taught in school are not an education but the means of an
education.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
%%
The things that matter most must not be at the mercy of the things
that matter least.
%%
The things we fear most in organization - fluctuations, disturbances,
imbalances - are the primary sources of creativity.
 -- Margaret J. Wheatley
%%
The things we see more frequently are more frequent:
1) because there is some physical reason to favor certain states or
2) because there is some mental reason.
 -- The Generalized Thermodynamic Law (Systems Theory)
%%
The things you can't laugh at control you.
%%
The thing that astonished him was that cats should have two holes cut in
 their coat exactly at the place where their eyes are: Lichtenberg
%%
The thing that drives a real pro is simply inner satisfaction.
that's all.
 -- Merlin Olsen
%%
The thing that impresses me the most about America is they way parents
 obey their children.
 -- King Edward VIII
%%
The thing to do is to make so much money that you don't have to work after
 the age of twenty- seven. In case this is impracticable, stop work at the
 earliest possible moment, even if it is a quarter past eleven in the
 morning of the day when you find you have enough money.
 -- Robert Benchley
%%
The thing we long for, that we are
For one transcendent moment.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Longing
%%
The thinking that we are has brought us to where we have already been.
In order to go somewhere else, we must think in a different way.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinates'
premonitions only during the postmortems.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
The Third Commandment for C programmers:
Thou shalt cast all function arguments to the expected type if they are not of
that type already, even when thou are convinced that this is unnecessary, lest
they take cruel vengeance upon thee when thou least expect it.
 -- Harry Spencer
%%
The third week of vacation is far more enjoyable, if your wife thinks you
 only had a two week vacation.
%%
The thirsty earth soaks up the rain,
And drinks, and gapes for drink again;
The plants suck in the earth, and are
With constant drinking fresh and fair.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- From Anacreon, ii, Drinking
%%
The thorns which I have reap'd are of the tree
I planted; they have torn me, and I bleed.
I should have known what fruit would spring from such a seed.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 10
%%
The thoughest thing about success
is that you've got to keep being a success.
 -- Irving Berlin, composer
%%
The thoughtless are rarely wordless.
 -- Howard W. Newton
%%
The thought of 2000 thousand people munching celery at the same time
horrifies me.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The thought of being President frightens me and I do not think that I would
want the job.
 -- Ronald W. Reagan (in 1973)
%%
The thoughts that come unsought, and as it were, drop into the mind, are
commonly the most valuable of any we have.
 -- John Locke
%%
The thousand doors that lead to death.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part i, Sect. xliv
%%
The thousand injuries of fortune I had borne as best I could, but when
he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge.
%%
 The thousand mysteries around us would not trouble but interest us,
 if only we had cheerful, healthy hearts.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
The three best ways to get where you want to go are:  persist, persist,
persist.
%%
The three branches of government: lobbyists, media, PAC's.
%%
The three dots '...' here suppress a lot of detail -- maybe I
should have used four dots.
 -- Donald Knuth
%%
The three great elements of modern civilization, Gunpowder, Printing,
and the Protestant Religion.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
The three greatest men who ever lived were Eleanor Roosevelt.
%%
The three indispensables of genius are understanding, feeling, and
perseverance.  The three things that enrich genius, are contentment of
mind, the cherishing of good thoughts, and exercising the memory.
 -- Southey
%%
The Three Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
    1.    An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
    2.       An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
    3.    The energy required to change either of these states will always be
   more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task
   appear prospectively impossible.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
                The Three Major Kind of Tools

* Tools for hittings things to make them loose or to tighten them up or
  jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a
  manner that they function perfectly.  (These are your hammers, maces,
  bludgeons, and truncheons.)

* Tools that, if dropped properly, can penetrate your foot.  (Awls)

* Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far
  greater than the value of any project that could possibly result.
  (Power saws, power drills, power staplers, any kind of tool that uses
  any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
The three men who attempted to board an international flight from St. Louis
 to London with hydrogen bombs in their possession have been cleared of all
 charges and released. Lawyers for the National Rifle Association said that
 all they were planning to do was go hunting.
%%
The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a
 soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with
 an idea.
 -- Rick Cook, "The Wizardry Compiled"
%%
The three most important parts of a stove: lifter, leg, and poker.
%%
The three most painful words to any man: "Is it in?"
%%
The three R's of learning today: Radical Religious Right
%%
The Three Stooges, the sinking ship, and the lone lifeboat:
Ronald Reagan: "Maybe we should save the women and children."
Richard Nixon: "F**k the women and children!"
Bob Packwood: "Gee, do you really think we have time?"
 -- the Stilt Man
%%
The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone baby.
%%
The thrill is not just in the winning, but in the courage to join the race.
%%
The thrill of victory, the stink of defeet.
%%
The thunder of hooves, a cloud of smoke and a hearty 'Hi-yo, Silver!'
 It's the adventures of the Lone Ranger!
 ... come with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear ...
%%
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
%%
The tide comes in and the tide goes out, and what have you got?
%%
The tide is turning... the enemy is suffering terrible losses.
 -- Gen. Geo. A. Custer
%%
The tide recedes but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand,
The sun goes down, but gentle warmth still lingers on the land,
The music stops, and yet it echoes on in sweet refrains...
For every joy that passes, something beautiful remains.
%%
The tide tarrieth no man.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
 -- Wm. Blake
%%
The time available to go fishing shrinks as fishing season draws near.
 -- Porkingham's Law
%%
The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
The time for bickering has past. Now is the time to drop our gloves.
%%
The time has been,
That when the brains were out the man would die,
And there an end; but now they rise again,
With twenty mortal murders on their crowns,
And push us from our stools.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
The time has come for all good men to rise above principle.
 -- Huey Long
%%
`The time has come,' the walrus said, `to talk of many things.
 Of shoes - of ships - of sealing wax, of cabbages and kings.
 And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.'
 -- The Walrus and the Carpenter, from Alice Through the Looking Glass
 -- by Lewis Carroll (Charles Dodgson)
%%
The time has come to kick ass.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
The time is always right to do what is right.
 -- Martin Luther King, American clergyman and civil-rights leader
%%
The time is out of joint: O cursed spite,
That ever I was born to set it right!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
The time is past.  There is no room for gods.
 -- Apollo, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1.
%%
The time is right to make new friends.
%%
The time is right to pursue your endeavors.
%%
The time it takes to rectify a situation is inversely
proportional to the time it took to do the damage.
    Example 1:
It takes longer to glue a vase together than to break one.
    Example 2:
It takes longer to lose 'x' kilograms than to gain 'x'
kilograms.
 -- Darzen's Law of Restitution
%%
The timely dew of sleep.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 614
%%
The time of departure will be delayed by the square of the number
of people involved. Simply stated, if I wish to leave the city at
5 PM, I will most likely depart at 5:01. If I am to meet a friend,
the time of departure becomes 5:04. If we were to meet another couple,
we won't be on out way before 5:16, and so on.
 -- Paul D. Plotnick
%%
The time of waiting is over!  Now is time for Revolution.
Take this zircon to Foppa, and tell him we move tonight.
%%
The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance
 committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
 -- C. N. Parkinson
%%
The time taken up by a meeting will always be at least 5 times
the time needed by the secretary to do the job.
 -- Secretary's rule of meetings
%%
The time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining.
%%
The time to make up your mind about people is...never.
%%
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
 -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
The time to stop a revolution is at the beginning, not the end.
 -- Adlai Stevenson, 9 September 1952
%%
The time to stop talking is when the other person
nods his head affirmatively and says nothing.
 -- Henry Haskins
%%
The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
The tire is only flat on the bottom.
 -- John L. Shelton
%%
The Titanic Effect:  The severity with which a system fails is directly
proportional to the intensity of the designer's
belief that is cannot.
 -- from "Risks to the Public", ACM Sigsoft Software Engineering Notes,
 -- Jan 86. See also SEN Apr 86, p. 12-14
 -- for a serious elaboration on the Titanic Effect
%%
The Titanic was insured for only over three million dollars. Betty
Grable's legs were insured for a cool quarter of a million, while Jimmy
Durante's nose for $140,000.
%%
The titles of bills- like those of Marx Brothers movies -often have little to
do with the substance of the legislation. Particularly deceptive are bills
containing title buzz words such as emergency, reform, service, relief, or
special. Often the emergency is of the writer's imagination; the reform, a
protection of a vested interest; the service, self-serving; the relief, an
additional burden on the taxpayer; and the special, something that otherwise
shouldn't be passed.
 -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
The Toe that can be stubbed is not the true Toe.
%%
The tomb of him who would have made
  The world too glad and free.
 -- Thomas K. Hervey (1799-1859)
 -- The Devil's Progress
%%
The tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil.
 -- New Testament
 -- James iii, 8
%%
The tongue is the ambassador of the heart.
 -- Lyly
%%
The tongues of dying men
Enforce attention like deep harmony.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
The tools we use have a profound (and devious!) influence on our
thinking habits, and, therefore, on our thinking abilities.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
The Tooth Fairy is the main stockholder in C+H Sugar Inc.
%%
The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice,
by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The torrent's smoothness, ere it dash below!
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Gertrude of Wyoming, Part iii, Stanza 5
%%
The tortured love is a burning flame, It burns so bright and consumes all pain.
%%
The torture never stops.
%%
The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular
things in all literature.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
The total amount of energy in the universe is constant.
 -- The Law Conservation of Energy
 -- Dr. John Gall
%%
The total amount of evil in any system remains constant.
Hence, any diminution in one direction - for instance, a
reduction in poverty or unemployment - is accompanied by an
increase in another, e.g. crime or air pollution.
 -- Issawi's Law of the Conservation of Evil
%%
The totality is present even in the broken pieces.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
The toughest BBS you'll ever love.
%%
The toughest decision a purchasing agent faces is when he is about
to buy the machine designed to replace him.
%%
The toughest time...in anyone's life...is when you have to kill a loved one
 just because they're the devil.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what
    they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #47
%%
The town I grew up in had a zip code of E-I-E-I-O.
%%
The town of Brawley, California, passed a resolution forbidding
snow within the city limits.
%%
The town was so small it had only one yellow page.
 -- Orson Bean
%%
The trackdisk's track seeks to seek
to Ami's request but Ami's request
seeks to seek the trackdisk's track
just one block per track per handle.
 -- Matt Dillon
%%
The traditional two minute warning in games is given so that you can put
 the food in the microwave and finish cooking it just about the time the
 game is completed.
%%
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait
so long to begin it.
%%
The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
The tragedy of modern war is not so much that the young men die but that they
die fighting each other--instead of their real enemies back home in the
capitals.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The tragic lesson of guilty men walking free in this country
has not been lost on the criminal community.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
The tragic sense of life: our heroic acceptance of the suffering of others.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The train jolted to a halt, a woman asked what was the matter.
 "We`ve hit a cow, madam."
 "Was it on the tracks ?"
 "NO, we had to chase it over a field."
%%
The tranquil heart may yet outrun the rocket and the car.
%%
The transistor is a curiosity, and will never amount to much.
 -- Mr. Stringer, Basic Electronic Instructor, RCAF, 1962.
%%
The Treasury virus
  Substitutes Keno for the Solitaire game
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.
 -- Hosea Ballou
%%
The tree is known by his fruit.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xii, 33
%%
The tree of deepest root is found
Least willing still to quit the ground:
'T was therefore said by ancient sages,
  That love of life increased with years
So much, that in our latter stages,
When pain grows sharp and sickness rages,
  The greatest love of life appears.
 -- Mrs. Thrale (1739-1821)
 -- Three Warnings
%%
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
%%
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood
of patriots and tyrants.  It is it's natural manure.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to William S. Smith, Paris, Nov.  13, 1787
%%
The tree of liberty only grows when watered by the blood of tyrants.
 -- Bertrand Barere (1755-1841)
 -- Speech in the Convention Nationale, 1792
%%
The tree of resentment often delivers the fruit of criticism to the
 listener.
%%
The trick in overcoming temptation, is to play dead.
%%
The trick is growing up without growing old.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
The trick is to stop thinking it is `your' money.
 -- IRS auditor
%%
The trigger has been pulled.
%%
The trigger has been pulled.  We've got to get there before the
   hammer falls.
 -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3198.4.
%%
The triumph of libertarian anarchy is nearly (in historical terms) at
 hand... *if* we can keep the Left from selling us into slavery and the
 Right from blowing us up for, say, the next twenty years.
 -- Eric Rayman, usenet guy, about nanotechnology
%%
The trivial round, the common task,
Would furnish all we ought to ask.
 -- John Keble (1792-1866)
 -- Morning
%%
The trodden path is the safest.
%%
The troll catches the spices, and opens the container. The troll
sneezes sneezes violently, and uncontrollably, falls to the ground and
seems seems to become part of it. He has died from an allergic reaction!
%%
The troll catches your treasure and scurries away out of sight.
%%
The troll is nowhere to be seen.
%%
The troll refuses to let you cross.
%%
The troll steps out from beneath the bridge and blocks your way.
%%
The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men,
but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.
 -- Little Big Man
%%
The troublesome little man child. Are you prepared for the kind of death
  you've earned little man?
 -- Lore to Wesley, "Datalore", stardate 41242.4
%%
The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that
 it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open
spaces surrounded by teeth.
 -- Charles Luckman
%%
The trouble with being a breadwinner nowadays is that the Government
is in for such a big slice.
%%
The trouble with being boss is there's no satisfaction
is stealing office supplies.
%%
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
%%
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
 it.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
The trouble with being punctual is that people think
 you have nothing more important to do.
%%
The trouble with being quoted a lot is that it makes other people think you're
 quoting yourself when in fact you're merely repeating yourself.
 -- Larry Wall
%%
The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger
  pain the second time around.
 -- Herb Caen
%%
The trouble with cats is they've got no tact.
%%
The trouble with computers is
that they do what you tell them, not what you want.
 -- D. Cohen
%%
The trouble with Congress is every time they make a law, it's a joke,
and every time they make a joke, it's a law!
 -- Will Rogers
%%
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
 -- Walt West
%%
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're
hungry again.
 -- George Miller
%%
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one  spends most
of one's time defending scoundrels.  For it  is against scoundrels
that oppressive laws are first aimed,  and oppression must be stopped
at the beginning if it is  to be stopped at all.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The trouble with giving advice is that people want to repay you.
 -- James Dent
%%
The trouble with going with the flow is, you might wind up getting
sucked down the drain.
%%
The trouble with heart disease is that the first symptom is often hard to
deal with: sudden death.
 -- Michael Phelps, M.D.
%%
The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in
shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
 -- Martin Mull
%%
The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an
awful hurry.
 -- John Jensen
%%
The trouble with life is the lack of cool background music.
%%
 The trouble with most jobs is the job holder's
 resemblence to being one of a sled dog team. No one
 gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.
 -- Moer's truism
%%
The trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a
cook in the bed.
 -- Geoffrey Gorer
%%
The trouble with natural monopolies is that it's so
much work to keep them going artificially.
%%
The trouble with Nixon is that he's a serious politics junkie. He's
totally hooked... and like any other junkie, he's a bummer to have
around: especially as President.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist
 -- The Great Shark Hunt, Jacket Copy for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1979)
%%
The trouble with 'normal' is it always gets worse.
 -- Bruce Cockburn
%%
The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.
 -- Herbert V. Prochnow
%%
The trouble with our age is it's all signposts and no destination.
 -- Louis Kronenberger
%%
The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
 -- Paul Valery
%%
The trouble with playing a trick on a highly intelligent man like Mr.
Teller is that the *time* it takes him to figure out from the moment
that he sees there is something wrong until he understands exactly what
happened is too damn small to give you any pleasure!
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988)
%%
The trouble with reality, is that it's taken much too seriously.
%%
The trouble with resisting temptation is it may
never come your way again.
 -- Korman's conclusion
%%
The trouble with some of us is that we have been inoculated with small
doses of Christianity which keep us from catching the real thing.
 -- Leslie Dixon Weatherhead
%%
The trouble with some self-made men is that they worship their creator.
%%
The trouble with some women is that they get
all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
 -- Cher
%%
The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.
 -- Ken Kesey
%%
The trouble with the average family is it has too much month left over at
 the end of the money.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
The trouble with the average family today is that it's hard to support
it and the government on one income.
%%
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
The trouble with the Ten Commandments is that there are too many "Thou Shalt
Not"s and not enough "Thou Shalt"s.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians
who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool
all of the people all of the time.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
The trouble with treating people as equals is that the first thing you know
 they may be doing the same thing to you.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
The trouble with trying to keep up with the Joneses is that they are
 putting their utmost effort into keeping up with you.
%%
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning
 you're on the job.
 -- Slappy White
%%
The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned
into prose, but that it has turned into advertising copy.
 -- Louis Kronenberger
%%
The trouble with using experience as a guide is that the final exam often comes
first and then the lesson.
%%
The trouble with wedlock is that there's not enough wed and too
much lock.
 -- Christopher Morley, "The Portable Curmudgeon"
%%
The Truancy Problem: Marcus Absent
%%
The true artist has the planet for his pedestal; the adventurer, after
years of strife, has nothing broader than his shoes.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The true beginning of our end.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The true character of liberty is independence, maintained by force.
 -- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
The true civilization is where every man gives to every other man every
right that he claims for himself.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedients,
and by parts.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
The true function of art is to edit nature and so to make it coherent
and lovely. The artist is a sort of impassioned proofreader, blue-penciling
the bad spelling of God.
%%
The true genius is a mind of large general powers, accidentally determined
to some particular direction.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The true light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.
 -- New Testament
 -- John i, 9
%%
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him
absolutely no good.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
The true object of education should be to train one to think clearly
and act rightly.
%%
The true source of cheerfulness is benevolence.
 -- P. Godwin
%%
The true statesman is the one who is willing to take risks.
 -- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), 1967
%%
The true, strong and sound mind is the mind that can embrace equally
great things and small.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The truest wild beasts live in the most populous places.
 -- Baltasar Gracian, "The Art of Worldly Wisdom" 1647
%%
The true test of civilization is, not the census, nor the size of the
cities, nor the crops, but the kind of man that the country turns out.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The true, unacknowledged purpose of capital punishment is to inspire fear and
awe--fear and awe of the State.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The true University of these days is a Collection of Books.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Heroes and Hero-Worship, The Hero as a Man of Letters
%%
The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in
which he has attained liberation from self.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great
height but just above the ground.  It seems more designed to make
people stumble than to be walked upon.
 -- Franz Kafka
%%
The true way to be deceived is to think oneself more knowing than others.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 127
%%
The true way to be humble is not to stoop until you are smaller than
 yourself, but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that
 will show you what the real smallness of your greatness is.
 -- Phillips Brooks, 1872
%%
The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.
 -- Michelangelo
%%
The true worth of a man is not to be found in man himself,
but in the colours and textures that come alive in others.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
The truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labour and
the fact that honor lies in honest toil.
 -- Grover Cleveland
%%
The truly brave are soft of heart and eyes, And feel for what their
duty bids them do.
 -- Byron
%%
The truly generous is the truly wise; And he loves not others, lives unblest.
 -- Horace
%%
The truly paranoid are clever enough not to *act* paranoid.
%%
The truly proud man knows neither superiors or inferiors.  The first he does
not admit of -- the last he does not concern himself about.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
The truly valiant dare everything but doing an anybody an injury.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney
%%
The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.
 -- Andre Malraux
%%
The truth about a woman often lasts longer than the woman is true.
%%
The truth always falls on deaf ears.....
 at least thats what I've heard
%%
The truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to.
%%
The truth, however, is not pertinent to the issue.
%%
The truth is always the strongest argument.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Phaedra, Frag. 737
%%
The truth is, Columbus discovered Ohio.
%%
The truth is incontrovertible.  Malice may attack it.  Ignorance may
deride it.  But in the end, there it is.
 -- Winston Churchill
%%
The truth is more important than the facts.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
The truth is often a terrible weapon of aggression.  It is possible to
lie, and even to murder, with the truth.
 -- Alfred Adler (1870-1937)
%%
The truth is on the march and nothing will stop it.
 -- Emile Zola (1840-1902), "J'Accuse!"
%%
The truth is our most valuable commodity. It would probably be a way
better world if people didn't use it so economically.
 -- Personal Journal of Doogie Howser, M.D. (Doogie Howser)
%%
The truth is straight ahead so don't burn yourself instead; try to learn
 instead of burn--hear what I said.
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
The truth is that Christian theology, like every other theology, is not only
opposed to the scientific spirit; it is also opposed to all other attempts
at rational thinking. Not by accident does Genesis 3 make the father of
knowledge a serpent- slimy, sneaking and abominable. Since the earliest
days the church as an organization has thrown itself violently against every
effort to liberate the body and mind of man. It has been, at all times and
everywhere, the habitual and incorrigible defender of bad governments, bad
laws, bad social theories, bad institutions. It was, for centuries, an
apologist for slavery, as it was the apologist for the divine right of kings.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The truth [is] that there is only one terminal dignity - love.  And
the story of a love is not important -what is important is that one
is capable of love.  It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted
of eternity.
 -- Helen Hayes
%%
The truth is the one thing that nobody will believe.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
 -- Lenny Bruce
%%
The truth knocks on the door and you say,
Go away, I'm looking for the truth, and so
it goes away.     Puzzling.
 -- Robert Pirsig (quoted in Zen_To_Go, Jon Winokur)
%%
The TRUTH--next, on the Rush Limbaugh program! then I woke up.
%%
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
 And viceversa.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
The truth of our faith becomes a matter of ridicule among the infidels if
 any Catholic, not gifted with the necessary scientific learning, presents
 as dogma what scientific scrutiny shows to be false.
 -- Saint Thomas Aquinas
%%
The truth of the matter is that window management under X is not yet
well understood.
 -- The Xlib Programming Manual
%%
The Truth Shall Make You Flee
 -- Miskatonic U. motto
%%
The truth that is suppressed by friends is the readiest weapon of the enemy.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
The truth will be found when it is no longer needed.
%%
THE TRUTH WILL MAKE YOU FREE:
 * but first, it will make you anxious.
 * however, if it comes in the form of a utility bill, likely the first
 thing to be freed up will be your bank book.
 * however, if it comes as an estimate, you will be free to say "no thanks"
 before you pass out.
 * you will be free to pay for it after you get it, because there is nothing
 all that free these days.
 * but it will come in several costly lessons.
 * assuredly, but the container in which it comes is tremendously expensive.
 * so will prune juice, but have you noticed the price of the stuff lately?
 * never mind the truth, it is the agent that brings it that must be paid.
 * but it is the tax that is imposed for imparting it to you that is
 expensive.
 * and so will All Bran, but the price for both is rising.
%%
The TRUTH will set you free!!!
%%
The truth you speak has no past and no future.
It is, and that's all it needs to be.
%%
The tumult of their charge would have woken the dead, were they not already
bringing up the rear.
%%
The tuna doesn't taste the same without the dolphin.
%%
The turnpike road to people's hearts I find Lies through their mouths,
or I mistake mankind.
 -- Dr. Wolcot
%%
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think
it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
 -- Ogden Nash
%%
The tusk of a gelded boar.
Good fortune.
%%
The TV News Anchorman: Maury Ports
%%
The Twelfth Month: Dee Sember
%%
The twelfth regeneration's a bitch and then you die
%%
The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears.
%%
The two bits of protoplasm could remember when they were cell-mates.
%%
The two hardest things to handle in life are failure and success.
%%
The two most beautiful words in the English language are:
'Cheque enclosed.'
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
The two most engaging powers of an author are to make new things
familiar, and familiar things new.
 -- Johnson
%%
The two most evangelical groups in the world are atheists and vegetarians,
especially the least knowledgeable and least intelligent individuals within
those groups.
 -- Clark Coleman
%%
The two noblest things, which are sweetness and light.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Battle of the Books
%%
The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The two quickest goals scored in the NHL were three seconds apart.
%%
The two things that can get you into trouble
quicker than anything else are fast women and slow horses.
%%
The two things that have not evolved throughout time are sharks and
bugs.
%%
The two World Wars came in part, like much modern literature and art,
because men, whose nature is to tire of everything in turn, ... tired of
common sense and civilization.
 -- F. L. Lucas
%%
The type syntax for C is essentially unparsable.
 -- Rob Pike
%%
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than
the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The typical page layout program is nothing more than an electronic
light table for cutting and pasting documents.
%%
The typical successful American businessman was born in the country, where
 he worked like hell so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell
 so he could live in the country.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
The tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the
public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in a democracy.
 -- Montesquieu
%%
The tyrant custom, most grave senators,
Hath made the flinty and steel couch of war
My thrice-driven bed of down.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The UARTs can't take much more o' this Captain
%%
The UART's won't take this speed, Captain!
%%
The ugliest code I ever saw was the junk I wrote two months ago. The
greatest code I ever saw is the stuff I'm writing today. This statement
will still be true two months from now.
 -- John Norstad, Disinfectant author
%%
The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now, if I were
a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work
for with a great deal of enjoyment.
 -- Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857)
 -- Ugly Trades
%%
The ukulele is a four-stringed instrument brought to Hawaii by
Portuguese sailors in the 18th century. Ukulele means 'jumping flea'.
%%
The ultimate, angels' law,
Indulging every instinct of the soul
There where law, life, joy, impulse are one thing!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Death in the Desert
%%
    The ultimate evil is the weakness, cowardice, that is one
of the constituents of so much human nature.  When, rarely,
unalloyed nobility does occur, its chances of prevailing are
slim.  Yet it exists, and its mere existence is reason enough
for not wiping the name of mankind off the slate.
 -- John Simon
%%
The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.
 -- Chuck Barris
%%
The ultimate goal of the educational system is to shift to the individual
the burden of pursuing his education.
 -- John W. Gardner
%%
The ultimate good desired is better reached by free trade in ideas
[and] the best test of truth is the power of the thought to get itself
accepted in the competition of the market.
 -- Oliver W. Holmes (dissent, Abrams v. United States, 1919)
%%
The ultimate in useless diversions.
%%
The ultimate justification of the work of art is to help the spectator to
become a work of art himself.
%%
The ultimate mail reader is here!!!!
%%
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort
and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr., "Strength to Love", 1963
%%
The ultimate metric that I would like to propose for user friendliness is quite
simple: if this system was a person, how long would it take before you punched
it in the nose?
 -- Tom Carey
%%
The Ultimate Modem Init String - ATFORSALECHEAP
%%
The ultimate oxymoron: "male feminizts."
%%
The ultimate profit-making juke-box:
It plays Kylie Minogue songs until you put money in it...
%%
The ultimate reason is "because."
%%
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly
is to fill the world with fools.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
The ultimate smart weapon would be too smart to blow itself up.
%%
The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.
 -- Alexander Penney
%%
The ultimate test of whether you posses a sense of humor is your
reaction when someone tells you you don't.
 -- Frank Tyger
%%
The ultimate Turn on. When they shoot at you.. and miss.
%%
The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness,
and the power of contemplation
rather than upon mere survival.
 -- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
%%
The Ultimate Wisdom
 Philosophers must ultimately find their true perfection
 in knowing all the follies of mankind by introspection.
 -- Piet Hein
%%
The unavoidable price of reliability is simplicity.
 -- C. Hoare
%%
The unbought grace of life, the cheap defence of nations, the nurse
of manly sentiment and heroic enterprise is gone.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- p. 331
%%
The underbrush is of such abundance
That the small stars can be seen at noon.
He breaks his right arm. No blame.
%%
The understanding is always the dupe of the heart.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 102
%%
The unexamined life is not worth living to a human.
 -- Attributed by Plato to Socrates, Apology
%%
The unexpected always happens.
 -- Peter's Law
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
The unfacts, did we have them, are too imprecisely few
to warrant our certitude
%%
The Unfinished Tagl
%%
The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much
easier to give up than bad ones.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
The uniformity of earth's life, more astonishing than its diversity, is
accountable by the high probability that we derived, originally, from
some single cell, fertilized in a bolt of lightning as the earth
cooled.  It is from the progeny of this parent cell that we all take our
looks; we still share genes around, and the resemblance of the enzymes
of grasses to those of whales is in fact a family resemblance.
 -- Lewis Thomas
%%
The unique operations of the (human) brain are the result of natural selection
operating through the filter of culture.  They have suspended us between the
two antipodal ideals of nature and machine, forest and city, the natural and
the artifactual, relentlessly seeking, in the words of geographer Yi-Fu Tuan,
an equilibrium not of this world.
 -- Edward O. Wilson, "Biophilia"
%%
The U.N. is *NOT* worth one drop of American blood.
%%
The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
100 percent American...
 -- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
The United States Army; 210 years of proud service, unhampered by progress.
%%
The United States borders on the magnificent ! CANADA !!
%%
The United States has entered an anti-intellectual phase in its history,
 perhaps most clearly seen in our virtually thought-free political life.
 -- David Baltimore
%%
The United States has much to offer the third world war.
 -- Ronald Reagan, in a 1975 speech
%%
The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
everybody and still nobody likes him.
 -- Jim Samuels
%%
The United States Supreme Court has handed down the eleventh commandment,
"Thou shalt not, in any classroom, read the first ten."
%%
The United States was at peace with that Nation [Japan] and, at the
solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its Government
and its Emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific.
 Indeed one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing
in the American Island of Oahu, the Japanese Ambassador to the United
States and his colleague delivered to our Secretary of State a formal
reply to a recent American message.  And while this reply stated that
it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic relations, it
contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.
It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it
obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even
weeks ago.  During the intervening time the Japanese Government has
deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements
and expressions of hope for continued peace.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Address to the Congress, December 8, 1941
%%
The United States was not built by those who waited and rested and
wished to look behind them. This country was conquered by those who
moved forward, and so will space.
 -- John F. Kennedy (U.S. President)
%%
The United States was ranked 17th in the world in overall military strength
at the beginning of World War II . . . I'm sure that made the people of
Hiroshima feel much better.
 -- the Stilt Man, in a snappy response to a guy claiming that reports of a
few U.S. military units' unreadiness represented a major threat to national
security
%%
The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human
achievement incredible.
 -- Peter's Postulate
%%
The universal regard for money is the one hopeful fact in our
civilization.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The universe does not give first warnings. Or second chances.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The universe does not have laws --
 it has habits, and habits can be broken.
%%
The universe has fascinated mankind for many, many years, dating back to the
very earliest episodes of Star Trek, when the brave crew of the Enterprise
set out, wearing pajamas, to explore the boundless voids of space, which turned
out to be as densely populated as Queens, New York. Virtually every planet they
found was inhabited, usually by evil beings with cheap costumes and Russian
accents, so finally the brave crew of the Enterprise returned to Earth to gain
weight and make movies.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
The universe has its own cure for stupidity. Unfortunately, it doesn't always
apply it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
 -- Kilgore Trout
%%
The Universe is a figment of it's own imagination.
%%
The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang.
%%
The universe is an island,
surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
%%
The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter.
%%
The universe is but one vast Symbol of God.
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 3
%%
The Universe is expanding, but that won't help you find a parking place.
%%
"The universe is expanding."
"What is that your business?"
 -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%%
The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our
wits to grow sharper.
 -- Eden Phillpotts
%%
The universe is full of surprises -- most of them nasty.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
The universe is _intensely_ beautiful.
%%
The universe is intractably squiggly.
 -- Charles Suhor
%%
The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination --
 but the combination is locked up in the safe.
 -- Peter DeVries
%%
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.
 -- Muriel Rukeyser
%%
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty
uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down
payment on a house.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
The universe is not hostile, nor yet is it friendly. It is simply
indifferent.
 -- John Hughes Holmes
%%
The universe is not indifferent to intelligence, it is actively hostile to it.
%%
The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human
ambition.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
The universe is one of God's thoughts.
 -- Friedrich Schiller
%%
The Universe is populated by stable things.
 -- Richard Dawkins
%%
The Universe is queer.
%%
The universe is ruled by letting things take their course.
It cannot be ruled by interfering.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
The universe is their oyster, and they like it raw.
 -- Matt Howarth, referring to Those Annoying Post Brothers.
%%
The Universe is the Practical Joke of the General at the
Expense of the Particular.
 -- Aleister Crowley
%%
...The Universe is thronged with fire and light,
 And we but smaller suns, which, skinned, trapped and kept
 Enshrined in blood and precious bones, hold back the night.
 -- Ray Bradbury
%%
The universe is very BIG. Believe me.
%%
The universe long ago passed the point of total collapse.
 -- Monitor, Logopolis
%%
The universe looks smooth - if you stand back far enough.
%%
"The Universe--some information to help you live in it.

1  AREA: Infinite.

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" offers this definition of the word
"Infinite."
INFINITE: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some.  Much bigger than
that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow,
that's big," time.  Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself
looks real titchy.  Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly
huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing
but blind, pitiless indifference.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
The universe will go down tomorrow at 6:00. Please plan accordingly.
%%
The University of California Bears announced the signing of Reggie
 Philbin to a letter of intent to attend Cal next Fall.  Philbin is said
 to make up for no talent by cheating well.  Says Philbin of his
 decision to attend Cal, "I'm in it for the free ride."
%%
The unknown always passes for the marvelous.
 -- Tacitus
%%
The Unknown Rodent: A. Nonny Mouse
%%
The unnatural, that too is natural.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
The unsunn'd heaps
Of miser's treasure.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 398
%%
The upper crust is just a bunch of crumbs clinging together.
%%
The urgent always crowds out the important.
%%
The urge to destroy is also a creative urge.
 -- Bakunin
[ed. note - I would say: The urge to destroy may sometimes be a creative urge.]
%%
The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and
religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging
from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its
yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledygook than the rest of the
world put together.
 -- Sir Peter Medawar
%%
[The US] condones violence in El Salvador.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle reveals what people have
                   known for years. 1/31/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
The U.S. Constitution (c) 1791.  All Rights Reserved.
%%
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing
systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offense.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra (1982)
%%
The use of 'goto' statements is discouraged, especially with the label HELL:
%%
The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
The use of the right word is more important than the right argument.
%%
The use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has
been approved.
 -- From the movie "The Blues Brothers"
%%
The user will forget mathematics in proportion to the complexity
of the calculator.
 -- John L. Shelton
%%
The U.S. has 70 percent of the world's lawyers, and generates 70 percent
of the world's garbage... but I repeat myself....
 -- Hagar the Horrible
%%
The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle Referring to Latin America.
%%
[The US is] naked, absolutely nude, to attack [by Soviets]
 -- Senator Dan Quayle at the Ohio State Fair,
                   8/20/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
The U.S. needs our water...... Flush Twice!
%%
The USS Reagan -- "To boldly ... um ... I forget..."
%%
The U.S. Surgeon General warns that if you make a really ugly face, it
could get stuck that way.
 -- Dave Barry's 1989 In Review
%%
The usual fortune of complaint is to excite contempt more than pity.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
[The U.S. victory in Gulf war was] a stirring victory for the
forces of aggression.
against lawlessness.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/11/91, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
The uttered part of a man's life, let us always repeat, bears to the
unuttered, unconscious part a small unknown proportion. He himself
never knows it, much less do others.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Sir Walter Scott, London and Westminster Review, 1838
%%
The vain beauty cares most for the conquest which employed the whole
artillery of her charms.
 -- Edward Garrett
%%
The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
 -- The Swartzberg Test
%%
The value in traveling the more difficult route is in the sweeter taste
of a victory truly won.
%%
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
 -- Laws of Computer Programming VI
%%
The value of a report is inversely proportional to its length.
 -- Oosterval's postulate
%%
The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized.  Anyone can
criticize.  It takes a true believer to be compassionate.  No greater
burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or
understands.
 -- Arthur H. Stainback
%%
The value of knowledge lies not in its accumulation, but in its utilization.
%%
The value of life lies not in the length of days,
but in the use we make of them...
Whether you find satisfaction in life depends not
on your tale of years, but on your will.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592), 1580
%%
The value of love will always be stronger than the value of hate.  Any
nation or group of nations which employs hatred eventually is torn to
pieces by hatred.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
The value of marriage is not that adults produce
children, but that children produce adults.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
The value of money has an objective regulator only when it is linked to
a real commodity, like gold, itself requiring the cost of human labor to
be produced.  By comparison, the value of inconvertible paper money has
no objective regulator, its marginal cost of production being nearly
zero.
 -- Lewis E. Lehrman
%%
The value of passion, like fire, is judged finally by the amount of
warmth and light it creates.  Fanatics, like forest fires, burn bright
but destroy all in their path that is tender and green.  To be useful,
fire must be confined. To live passionately, we must develop discipline;
to love powerfully, we must forge bonds of commitment.   Passion is
inseparable from compassion.
 -- Sam Keen
%%
The value of the average conversation could be enormously improved by the
constant use of four simple words: I do not know.
 -- Andre Maurois
%%
...the value of the constitution depends on the good will
of government itself.   If the Supreme Court rules that the
Bill of Rights should not interfere with the important
business of government (which they have done on at least
two occasions), then the constitution is meaningless.
 -- John Kormylo
%%
The Value, or <<Worth>> of a man, is as of all other things, his price;
that is to say, so much as would be given for the use of his power.  And
as in other things, so in men, not the seller, but the buyer, determines
the price.
 -- Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679)
%%
The vanity of human life is like a river, constantly passing away,
and yet constantly coming on.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
The various modes of worship which prevailed in the Roman world were all
considered by the people as equally true; by the philosopher as equally
false; and by the magistrate as equally useful.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1734-1794)
%%
The various opinions of philosophers have scattered through the world
as many plagues of the mind as Pandora's box did those of the body,
only with this difference, that they have not left hope at the bottom.
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
The vase is now resting, delicately, on a velvet pillow.
%%
The vast majority of people who live a rural life tend to do this in the
 country, away from viewers and watchers, and for this, I guess we can be
 thankful.
%%
The vast majority of right-minded people are wrong.
%%
The vast majority of successful major crimes against property are
 perpetrated by individuals abusing positions of trust.
 -- Lawrence Dalzell
%%
The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it.
%%
The VAX was developed by DEC.
Detractors assert it's a wreck.
Perkin-Elmer and Prime
Are still biding their time,
Hoping someone will buy from them yet.
%%
"[The vector] has never been of the slightest use to any creature."
 -- Lord Kelvin "Vector Calculus by Marsden and Tromba"
%%
The vehemence with which an issue is debated
is inversely proportional to its importance.
 -- Parkinson's Law
 -- Bill Kinnersley
%%
The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
%%
The veil which covers the face of futurity is woven by the hand of mercy.
 -- Bulwer
%%
The vending machine breaks open, but nothing falls out.
%%
The vending machine breaks open, causing some batteries to fall to
the the ground, but the batteries have been heavily damaged.
%%
The vending machine is already broken. You want to completely
destroy destroy it or something?
%%
The venom clamors of a jealous woman poison more deadly than a mad dog's tooth.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
The veracity which increases with old age is not far from folly.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 416
%%
The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The very age and body of the time his form and pressure.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
The very best of wines makes the best of vinegar. Likewise the very
 greatest love can also turn into the most profound hatred.
%%
The very emphasis of the commandment: Thou shalt not kill, makes it
certain that we are descended from an endlessly long chain of
generations of murderers, whose love of murder was in their blood as it
is perhaps also in ours.
 -- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
The very essence of a free government consists in considering offices
as public trusts,
 -- Johann L. Uhland (1787-1862)
 -- Speech, Feb. 13, 1835
%%
The very first essential for success is a perpetually
constant and regular employment of violence.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf"
%%
The very flower of youth.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3, 28, (319.)
%%
The very hairs of your head are all numbered.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew x, 30
%%
The very idea of a Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen.  Mwah Hah Hah
%%
The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
The very poor are strictly materialistic. It takes money to be a mystic.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
 Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts
 to fit their views...which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to
 be one of the facts that needs altering.
 -- Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
%%
The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
The very room, coz she was in,
  Seemed warm from floor to ceilin'.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin'
%%
The very spring and root of honesty and virtue lie in the felicity
of lighting on good education.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
The very staff of my age, my very prop.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The very technology that makes our living simpler makes society more
complex. The more efficient we get, the more specialized we become
and the more dependent.
 -- Thomas Griffith
%%
The VFW represents many who died to give this country a second chance
to make it what it is supposed to be -- God's guest house on earth.
 -- John Wayne
%%
The Vice Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate.
Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
The victor belongs to the spoils.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940)
%%
The victors invariably write the history to their own advantage.
 -- Picard, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
The victor will always judge the defeated, and always find him guilty.
 -- Goering, during the Nuremberg Trials
%%
The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
%%
The victory of endurance born.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- The Battle-Field
%%
The view from the high mountain is worth the climb.
 -- Mori
%%
The views expressed here do not necessarily represent those of the management.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
The vigor of civilized societies is preserved by the widespread sense
that high aims are worth-while.  Vigorous societies harbor a certain
extravagance of objectives, so that men wander beyond the safe
provision of personal gratifications.  All strong interests easily
become impersonal, the love of a good job well done.  There is a sense
of harmony about such an accomplishment, the Peace brought by something
worth-while.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead, 1963, in "The History of Manned Space Flight"
%%
The vile are only vain; the great are proud.
 -- Byron
%%
The villany you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard, but
I will better the instruction.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The villa's and the chapel's where
I learned with little labor
The way to love my fellow man
And hate my next-door neighbor.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
The vine Jane! No the vine! aaiiieeeee...
%%
The Virginia Code (1930) has a statute "to prohibit corrupt
practices or bribery by any person other than candidates."
%%
The virtues of hard work are extolled most loudly by people without calluses.
%%
The virtues of society are the vices of the saint.
 -- Emerson
%%
The visibility of an error is inversely proportional
to the number of times you have looked at it.
 -- Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading
%%
The vitality of a new movement in art or letters can be pretty
accurately gauged by the fury it arouses.
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
%%
The Vogon Constructor Fleet coasted away into the inky starry void.
%%
The Vogon ship hung motionless in the sky...
%%
The voice is Jacob's voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xxvii, 22
%%
The voice of conscience is so delicate that it is easy to stifle it: but it is
also so clear that it is impossible to mistake it.
 -- Madame de Stael
%%
The voice of protest, of warning, of appeal is never more needed than
when the clamor of fife and drum, echoed by the press and too often
by the pulpit, is bidding all men fall in step and obey in silence
the tyrannous word of command. Then, more than ever, it is the duty
of the good citizen not to be silent.
 -- Charles Eliot Norton, True Patriotism, 1898
%%
The voice of the majority is not proof of justice.
%%
The volume of the bark of a dog, times the frequency at which the dog
 barks, is inversely proportional to the IQ of the owner of the dog.
%%
The voters have spoken, the bastards ...
%%
The vow that binds too strictly snaps itself.
%%
The voyages of the Starship Charmaine. Its mission to ask questions..
%%
The vulgar boil, the learned roast, an egg.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle ii, Book ii, Line 85
%%
The vultures are circling...they have the faces of
presidential candidates and carry bowling balls in their
buttered claws....
%%
The wage earner relies upon the ventures of confident and contented
capital.  This failing him, his condition is without alleviation, for he
can neither prey on the misfortune of others nor hoard his labor.
 -- Grover Cleveland (1837-1908)
%%
The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
%%
The wages of sin are high --
 unless you know someone who does it for nothing.
%%
The wages of sin are unreported.
%%
THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH.
(If you have already settled this account, please disregard this notice.)
%%
The wages of sin is death.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans vi, 23
%%
The wailing of the newborn infant is mingled with the dirge for the dead.
 -- Lucretius
%%
The waiter says, "The last man who was in the restaurant ate twenty-seven
 hotcakes right off the griddle." And the customer says, "How waffle!"
 -- Ed Wynn
%%
The wall falls back into the moat.
Use no army now.
Make your commands known within your own town.
Perseverance brings humiliation.
%%
The walls have ears.
%%
The walls of this room are covered with charcoal drawings of the most
exquisite exquisite beauty I've ever seen. They are all drawings of sunsets.
%%
The wanderer comes to and inn.
He has his property with him.
He wins the steadfastness of a young servant.
%%
The wanderer rests in a shelter.
He obtains his property and an ax.
My heart is not glad.
%%
The wanderer's inn burns down.
He loses the steadfastness of his young servant.
Danger.
%%
The Wanderer. Success through smallness.
Perseverance brings good fortune
To the wanderer.
%%
The warning message we sent the Russians was
 a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.
 -- Alexander Haig
%%
The war of life is not to be decided in a single battle.
%%
The "War on Drugs" is a war on the Constitution.
%%
The War On Drugs: the greatest threat the Bill of Rights has ever seen.
%%
The warranty explicitly states that under NO
circumstances shall a rocket be returned to the manufacturer
under its own power.
%%
The water was not fit to drink.
To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey.
By diligent effort, I learned to like it.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
The waves came in like arabian stallions gradually lapping into seahorses.
 -- Pattie Smith
%%
The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I hadn't any clothes
on, and didn't mind.
 -- Mark Twain, Huckelberry Finn
%%
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
 you gotta put up with the rain.
 -- Dolly Parton
%%
          The Way of the sage is to act but not to compete.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute
live ones.
 -- Nathaniel Howe
%%
The way of transgressors is hard.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xiii, 15
%%
The ways of being human are bounded but infinite.
%%
The ways of the gods are full of providence.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 3
%%
The way some people find fault, you'd think there was a reward.
%%
The way the light catches the angles of your head...most enchanting.
 -- Kryten to Camille in Red Dwarf 'Camille'
%%
The Way! The Truth! and The Life!
%%
The way to a man's heart is below his stomach.
 -- Ron Randall
%%
The way to a man's heart is through his back.
%%
The way to a man's heart is through his pants -- wallet and underwear.
%%
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
 -- Fanny Fern, "Willis Parton"
%%
The way to a man's heart is through his veins.
%%
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
%%
The way to a man's heart is with a broadsword.
%%
The way to a man's stomach is through his esophagus.
%%
The way to avoid the imputation of impudence is not to be ashamed
of what we do, but never to do what we ought to be ashamed of.
 -- Tully
%%
The way to conquer men is by their passions; Catch but the ruling foibles
of their hearts, And all their boasted virtues shrink before you.
 -- Tolson
%%
The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run!
 -- John Barrymore
%%
The way to get a new theory accepted is to propose it and then wait for
all the old physicists to die.
 -- Max Planck
%%
The way to get good ideas is to get lots of ideas
and throw the bad ones away.
 -- Linus Pauling, Nobel Prize Winner, Chemistry
%%
The way to get more mules is to mate a male donkey with a female horse.
%%
The way to get things done is not to mind
who gets the credit of doing them.
 -- Benjamin Jowett
%%
The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous;
the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous.
 -- H.L. Mencken
%%
The way to kill competition is to create something too good for competition
to imitate.
%%
The way to live longer is to fall in love with what you're doing, then
 you've got it made. Then you can't wait to get out of bed in the morning
 and get to work. Unless ... unless you got someone in bed with you.
 -- George Burns
%%
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
 -- G.K. Chesterton
%%
The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
with a large fortune.
%%
The way to resumption is to resume.
 -- Salmon P. Chase (1808-1873)
 -- Letter to Horace Greeley, March 17, 1866
%%
The way to wealth is as plain as the way to market. It depends chiefly
on two words, industry and frugality; that is, waste neither time
nor money, but make the best use of both. Without industry and frugality
nothing will do, and with them everything.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The way up and the way down are one and the same.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
The way we treat eachother is the foundation of the gospel of Christ.
 -- Marvin J. Ashton
%%
The weaker the data available upon which to base one's conclusion, the
greater the precision which should be quoted in order to give the data
authenticity.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XXXV
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
The weakest goes to the wall.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
The weak have to be decent, while the strong can choose to be decent.
 -- Sepp von Plum
%%
The weakness of capitalism is that not all share the wealth equally,
while the strength of socialism is that all share equally its misery.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
The wealthy curled darlings of our nation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #49
%%
The weariest and most loathed worldly life
That age, ache, penury, and imprisonment
Can lay on nature, is a paradise
To what we fear of death.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The Weather Bureau is a non-prophet organization.
%%
The weather-cock on the church spire, though made of iron, would
soon be broken by the storm wind if it did not understand the
noble art of turning to every wind.
 -- Heinrich Heine
%%
The weather for catching fish is that weather, and no other,
in which fish are caught.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
The weather is great! Wish you were beer.
%%
The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.
My thoughts aren't too clear, but don't run away.
My girlfriend's a bore; my job is too dutiful.
Hell nobody's perfect, would you like to play?
I feel together today!
 -- Jimmy Buffet, "Coconut Telegraph"
%%
The weather is the part of this planet's career that we can notice in
our back yards.
%%
The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
The Web Strikes!
%%
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit...
but the leaves are good to smoke!
 -- Stanley Kugell
%%
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
 -- The Shadow
%%
The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount
of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the pack weight
goes on increasing anyway.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
The weird sisters.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The well bred man with couth always steps on his cigarette, in order to
 avoid having it burn a hole in the carpet.
%%
The well is being lined. No blame.
%%
The well is cleaned, but no one drinks from it.
This is my heart's sorrow,
For one might draw from it.
If the king were clear-minded,
Good fortune might be enjoyed in common.
%%
The well resolved mind is single & one pointed.
%%
The well-tended front lawn is the modern moat that keeps the barbarians,
other people, at bay.
%%
The Well. The town may be changed,
But the well cannot be changed.
It neither decreases nor increases.
They come and go and draw from the well.
If one gets down almost to the water
And the rope does not go all the way,
Or the jug breaks, it brings misfortune.
%%
The Welsh are the only husbands to put their wives on their national flag.
%%
The Welsh dw ytt wyttht ysngg vwls.
%%
The Whalers should apply their bar fighting abilities to hockey!
%%
The wheel of fortune turns incessantly round, and who can say within
himself, I shall today be uppermost.
 -- Confucius
%%
The wheels of nature are not made to roll backward; everything presses
on toward Eternity; from the birth of Time an impetuous current has
set in, which bears all the sons of men toward that interminable
ocean. Meanwhile Heaven is attracting to itself whatever is congenial
to its nature, is enriching itself by the spoils of earth, and collecting
within its capacious bosom, whatever is pure, permanent and divine.
 -- Robert Hall
%%
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead.
%%
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the first to be replaced.
%%
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
 -- Josh Billings, "The Kicker"
%%
The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a
lion.
 -- Arab Proberb
%%
The White House: The new home of the Whopper!!!
%%
The white man is a stranger who comes in the night and takes
from the land what he needs.   The earth is not his brother,
but his enemy.  Continue to contaminate your bed and you will
one night suffocate in your own waste.
 -- Chief Sealth
              in a letter to President Franklin Pierce in 1855
%%
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles.
       "Where shall I begin, please your Majesty ?" he asked.
        "Begin at the beginning,", the King said, very gravely,
"and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
 -- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
%%
The white race is the cancer of history.
 -- Susan Sontag
%%
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed
(and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless
series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity
of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
 -- Anatole France
%%
The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got
 pinned--not nailed.
 -- Bill Maher
%%
The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this:
that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a
thing created is loved before it exists.
 -- Charles Dickens
%%
The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level
of stupidity attained by the bourgeois.
 -- Gustave Flaubert
%%
The whole drift of my education goes to persuade me that the world of our
present consciousness is only one out of many worlds of consciousness that
exist.
 -- William James
%%
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this
 incredible jailbreak.
 -- Wavy Gravy
%%
The whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah i, 5
%%
The whole history of civilization is strewn with creeds and institutions which
were invaluable at first, and deadly afterwords.
%%
The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and
 act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
 -- P.J. O'Rourke - A Parliament of Whores
%%
The whole is greater.
%%
The whole is the sum of its parts, plus one or more bugs.
%%
The whole life of man is but a point of time; let us enjoy it, therefore,
while it lasts, and not spend it to no purpose.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
The whole of life is futile unless you consider it as a sporting proposition.
%%
The whole of Nature is Chaos: A Fact all should know.
%%
The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.
 -- Albert Einstein, Physics and Reality [1936]
%%
The whole of the Balkans are not worth the bones
of a single Pomeranian grenadier.
 -- Prince Otto von Bismark,
 -- first chancellor of the German Empire, 1871-1890
%%
The whole point of this sentence is to make clear
what the whole point of this sentence is.
 -- Douglas R Hofstadter
%%
The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, 'Is there a
 meaning to music?'  My answer would be, 'Yes.'  And 'Can you state in so
 many words what the meaning is?"  My answer to that would be, 'No.'
 -- Aaron Copland
%%
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always
 so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
The whole thing about matrimony is this: We fall in love with a personality,
but we must live with a character.
 -- Peter DeVries
%%
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked
hard and saved his money.  True, working at the hardware store didn't
pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did,
which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot
out every day.  It turned out he was right. After forty years, the
volcano petered out.  Everybody left town, and the hardware store
went broke.  Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there
weren't many left by then.  Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's
bills were real high.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
The whole world is about three drinks behind.
 -- Humphrey Bogart
%%
The whole world is in revolt.  Soon there will be only five Kings
 left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the
 King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds.
 -- King Farouk of Egypt, 1948
%%
The whole world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going.
%%
The whole world's watching!  The whole world's watching!  (Chicago '68)
%%
The Wh-words of English:
  Who, What, When, Where, How, and sometimes Why.
%%
The "why" is plain as way to parish church.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
The wicked at heart probably know something.
%%
The wicked flee when no man pursueth; but the righteous are bold as a lion.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxviii, 1
%%
The wicked have a solid interest that the good never seem to possess.
the good are grand for one great rally.  Then they go home and work at
their business.  The cohesive power of public plunder remains on the
job.
 -- Nicolas Murray Butler (1862-1947)
%%
The wider any culture is spread,
the thinner it gets.
 -- The Law of Raspberry Jam
 -- Alvin Toffler, "The Culture Consumers", 1964
%%
The wife of a careless man is almost a widow.
%%
The wife of thy bosom.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Deuteronomy xiii, 6
%%
The wife serves, the brother inherits
 -- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #137
%%
The wife you save may be your own.
 -- Unofficial slogan of supporters of one of FDR's sons,
     a notorious womanizer, during the son's first congressional race
%%
The Wild Celt: Drink Guiness It is Good for You!!!!!
%%
The wildest colts make the best horses.
 -- Plutarch
%%
The wildest colts make the best steeds.
%%
The will for deed I doe accept.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Third Day, Part ii
%%
The William Shatner School of Acting.
 -- Bad Advertising
%%
The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than
the oak which resists it; and so in great calamities, it sometimes
happens that light and frivolous spirits recover their elasticity
and presence of mind sooner than those of a loftier character.
 -- Sir Walter Scott
%%
The will to perfection is absolutely the cause of so much evil.
 -- Robert Conquest
%%
The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it.
 -- Reggie Jackson
%%
The wimple suits you, Baldrick.
But...it completely covers my face...
Exactly...
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Captain Cook
%%
The wind bloweth where it listeth.
 -- New Testament
 -- John iii, 8
%%
The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
%%
The wind blows low on the mountain:
The image of Decay.
Thus the superior man stirs up the people
And strengthens their spirit.
%%
The wind blows over the earth:
The image of Contemplation.
Thus the kings of old visited the regions of the world,
Contemplated the people,
And gave them instruction.
%%
The wind drives across heaven:
The image of The Taming Power of the Small.
Thus the superior man
Refines the outward aspect of his nature.
%%
The wind drives over the water:
The image of Dispersion.
Thus the kings of old sacrificed to the Lord
And built temples.
%%
The wind is loud and sometimes pungent.
%%
The wind is plowed and sometimes sturgeon.
%%
The wind is so strong you have difficulty moving.
%%
The Wind is too strong - You get blown away!
%%
The Windows folks wrote EDLIN. They can't be *all* bad!
%%
The wind passeth over it, and it is gone;
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm ciii, 16
%%
The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (1776), Chap. lxviii
%%
The wind seems to have abated some.
%%
The windy satisfaction of the tongue.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 1092
%%
The wine is good but the meat is spoiled.
%%
The wine of life is drawn, and the mere lees
Is left this vault to brag of.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.  Who would pay
for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
 -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings
 -- for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
%%
The wisdom of our ancestors.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Observations on Late Publication on the Present State of the Nation,
 -- Vol. i, p. 516, Also in the Discussion on the Traitorous Correspondence
 -- Bill, 1793
%%
The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages are perpetuated
by quotations.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
%%
The wise individual doesn't get too attached to any of life's pleasures,
knowing that wonderful science is hard at work proving it's bad for him.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
The wise learn many things from their foes.
 -- Aristophanes (c. 450-385 B.C.)
 -- The Birds (414 B.C.), line 375
%%
The wise learn more from the fools than the fools learn from the wise.
%%
The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe.  But
 the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's
 completely draped in it.  Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
The wise man has long ears and a short tongue.
 -- German proverb
%%
The wise man sayth, store is no sore.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. v
%%
The wise man seeks everything in himself;
the ignorant man tries to get everything from somebody else.
%%
   The wise man's eyes are in his head; but the fool walketh in darkness:
and I myself perceived also that one event happeneth to them all.
   Then said I in my heart, As it happeneth to the fool so it happeneth
even to me; and why was I then more wise?  Then I said in my heart, that this
is also vanity.
   For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool for ever;
seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten.  And how
dieth the wise man?  As the fool.
 -- Ecclesiastes 2:14-16
%%
The wise musicians are those who play what they can master.
 -- Duke Ellington
%%
The wise open their minds, but a fool opens his mouth.
%%
The wise person writes bomb-proof code.
%%
The wise prince must foment some emnity so that by suppressing it
he will augment his greatness.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
The wise programmer is told about Tao and follows it. The average
programmer is told about Tao and searches for it. The foolish
programmer is told about Tao and laughs at is.

If it were not for laughter, there would be no Tao.

The highest sounds are hardest to hear. Going forward is a way to
retreat. Great talent shows itself late in life. Even a perfect
program still has bugs.
%%
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
%%
The wisest have the most authority.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
The wisest man I have ever known once said to me:  "Nine out of ten
people improve on acquaintance"; and I have found his words true.
 -- Frank Swinnerton
%%
The wisest man is generally he who thinks himself the least so.
 -- Boileau
%%
The wise traveler [to Beirut] will pack shirts or blouses with ample breast
 pockets. Reaching inside a jacket for your passport looks too much like
 going for the draw and puts armed men out of countenance.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
The witty man merely says what you would have said if you had thought of
it.
%%
The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie
down with the kid.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xi, 6
%%
The wolfe from the dore.
 -- John Skelton (c. 1460-1529)
 -- Colyn Cloute, Line 1531
%%
The woman of my dreams knows how to break into systems.
 -- Doug Tygar
%%
The woman that deliberates is lost.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The woman who cannot tell a lie in defense of her husband is
unworthy of the name of wife.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
The woman who runs will never lack followers.
 -- Ashley Dukes
%%
The woman who sits next to you on the bus is wearing a perfume known
as Eau du Terrible.  She has a 200-liter drum of the stuff and sticks
her head in it every morning.
%%
The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose
or too old to have anything to gain.
%%
The woman you buy -- and she is the least expensive -- takes a great
deal of money.    The woman who gives herself takes all your time.
 -- Balzac
%%
THE WOMBAT

The wombat lives across the seas,
Among the far Antipodes.
He may exist on nuts and berries,
Or then again, on missionaries;
His distant habitat precludes
Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
But I would not engage the wombat
In any form of mortal combat.
%%
The women can come back out now, Scheibe has gone.
%%
The women pardon'd all except her face.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto v, Stanza 113
%%
The women's movement. . . has proved women's own worst enemy.
 -- Susan Faludi
%%
The women's uneven parallel bar event. I think I'm gonna be a little
 skeptical the next time a woman tells me I'm being too rough in bed. I'm
 watchin' these girls bang their cervix off a frozen theater rope at eighty
 miles per hour. You don't see men in that event, okay?
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
The Wonder Bra? Yeah, I got one for my beer-gut brother-in-law.
%%
The wonderfull thing about Tiggers,
 is Tiggers are wonderfull things.
 Thier tops are made out of rubber,
 thier bottoms are made out of springs.
 They're bouncy,flouncy,trouncy,pouncy,
 fun,fun,fun,fun,fun.
 But the most wonderfull thing about Tiggers
 is I'm the only one.
 -- Tigger (From Winnie the Pooh)
%%
The wonderful thing about a dancing bear
is not how well he dances, but that he dances at all.
%%
The wonders of the ages assembled for your edification, education,
and enjoyment- for a price.
 -- P. T. Barnum
%%
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
 -- Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening", 1923
%%
The Woody Allen virus
  Bypasses the mother board to corrupt the daughter boards.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The word "bravery" is not in the Clinton dictionary.
%%
The word bulldozer wandered through his mind for a moment in search of
something to connect with.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The word "dog" does not bite: William James
%%
The word good has many meanings.  For example, if a man were to shoot
his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards,  I should call him a
good shot, but not necessarily a good man.
 -- Chesterton
%%
The word "honesty" is not in the Clinton dictionary.
%%
The word "honor" is not in the Clinton dictionary.
%%
The word "integrity" is not in the Clinton dictionary.
%%
The word "loyalty" is not in the Clinton dictionary.
%%
The word "moose" was originally Algonquin.
%%
The word "morality" is not in the Clinton dictionary.
%%
The word NOW is like a time bomb thrown through a window, and it ticks.
 -- Henry Miller
%%
The word of the day is LEGS

Help spread the word.
%%
The WordPerfect virus
  Totally scrambles any document files.
 -- New viruses on the block.
%%
The word "politics" is derived from the word "poly", meaning
 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
 -- Larry Hardiman
%%
The word processor has increased the danger that more people who threaten
 to write books may actually do so.
%%
The words _figure_ and _fictitious_ both derive from the same
 Latin root _fingere_.  Beware!
 -- M.J. Moroney
%%
The words `I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to.
 The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you.
 -- A. K. Kitselman
%%
The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lv, 21
%%
The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
The words of the Foolish and those of the Wise
Are not far apart in Discordian Eyes.
 -- HBT; The Book of Advise, 2:1
%%
The words of the profits were written on the studio walls
 -- Rush
%%
The words of the prophets were written on the subway walls.
 -- Simon & Garfunkel
%%
The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters
of assemblies.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xii, 11
%%
The words, 'penalty,' 'restrict' and 'violate' appeared more times in
President Clinton's health care reform bill than in his crime bill.
 -- Malcolm S. Forbes, Jr.
%%
The word "spine" is, of course, an anagram of "penis". This is true in
almost fifty percent of the languages of the Galaxy, and many people
have attempted to explain why.  Usually these explanations get bogged
down in silly puns about standing erect.
 -- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
The words we use can compound our problems.
%%
The word that's on the tip of your tongue? You'll never remember it.
%%
The word "tolerance" is selectively used in the liberal lexicon.
%%
The word 'We' is as lime poured over men, which sets and hardens
to stone, and crushes all beneath it, and that which is white
and that which is black is lost in the gray of it.  It is the
word by which the depraved steal the virtue of the good, by which
the weak steal the might of the strong, by which the fools steal
the wisdom of the sages.
 -- Equality 7-2521
%%
The work most executives do isn't very different from
the work most secretaries do, except that executives rarely
have demonstrable skills like typing ninety words a minute.
%%
The work of an unknown good man is like a vein of water flowing hidden
in the underground, secretly making the ground greener.
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
The work of art may have a moral effect, but to demand moral purpose
from the artist is to make him ruin his work.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
    The work of Leslie is particularly confusing.  The
mischievous muse of thermodynamics made him inweave his simple
statements about heat in a horrid mess of difficult,
irrelevant, and unexplained calculations.  His and other early
theories of heat make much of entities as imperceptible as
voids and vortices or, for that matter, angels.  They belong
not to physics but to what would now be regarded as
speculative philosophy.
 -- Clifford Truesdell
%%
The works of the great poets have never yet been read by mankind, for only
great poets can read them.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854), III, Reading
%%
The work under our labour grows,
Luxurious by restraint.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 208
%%
The world always makes the assumption that the exposure of an error
is identical with the discovery of truth--that the error and truth
are simply opposite.  They are nothing of the sort.  What the world
turns to, when it is cured on one error, is usually simply another
error, and maybe one worse than the first one.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The world, and whatever that be which we call the heavens, by the
vault of which all things are enclosed, we must conceive to be a deity,
to be eternal, without bounds, neither created nor subject at any
time to destruction. To inquire what is beyond it is no concern of
man; nor can the human mind form any conjecture concerning it.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book ii, Sect. 1
%%
The world, as we know it, has come to an end!!
%%
The world began without man, and it will complete itself without him.
 -- Claude Levi-Strauss, "Tristes Tropiques", 1955
%%
The world belongs to the enthusiast who keeps cool.
 -- William McFee
%%
"The world bores you when you're cool."
 -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
The world cannot always understand a person's profession of faith, but
it can understand service.
 -- Ian Maclaren
%%
The world, dear Agnes, is a strange affair.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- L'Ecole des Femmes, Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
The world does not revolve on an axis.
%%
The world does not spin around my every move!
The world will not stop when I die.
So while I'm here I'll make it a little better for you and I.
%%
The world embarrasses me, and I cannot dream that this watch exists and
has no watchmaker.
 -- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
The world ended yesterday-this is only a dream!
%%
The world ended yesterday-why are you sitting there hitting me with your
fingers?
%%
The world ends at 8 P. M.... Film at 11.
%%
The world exists for its own sake, not for ours. Swallow *that* pill!
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The world goes up and the world goes down,
  And the sunshine follows the rain;
And yesterday's sneer and yesterday's frown
        Can never come over again.
 -- Charles Kingsley (1819-1875)
 -- Dolcino to Margaret
%%
The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not
designed for people who walk on their hands.
 -- John Irving, "The World According to Garp"
%%
The world has two kinds of people:  Friends and Targets.
%%
The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought
progress.
 -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
The world holds two classes of men - intelligent men without religion,
and religious men without intelligence.
 -- Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri (973-1057)
%%
The world in all doth but two nations bear,--
The good, the bad; and these mixed everywhere.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- The Loyal Scot
%%
The world is a beautiful book, for those who can read it.
%%
The world is a cynic's playground.
%%
The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to
be struck.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
The world is all the richer for having the devil in it, so long as
we keep our foot on his neck.
%%
The world is a madhouse, so it's only right it's patrolled by armed idiots.
 -- Brendan Behan
%%
The world is a madhouse...that's why it makes sense.
%%
The world is an 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of shit.
%%
The world is an enormous injustice.
 -- Jules Romains
%%
The world is an old woman, that mistakes any gilt farthing for a
gold coin; thereby being often cheated, she will henceforth trust
nothing but the common copper.
 -- Carlyle
%%
The world is a powder keg, and I but a humble flame.
%%
The world is a republic of mediocrities, and always was.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
 -- Letter to R. W. Emmerson (May 13, 1853)
%%
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
%%
The world is a stage with no audience.
%%
The world is a video game where you don't have another quarter.
%%
The world is a wheel, and it will all come round right.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Endymion, Chap. lxx
%%
The world is before you, and you need not take it or leave it as
it was before you came in.
 -- James Baldwin
%%
The world is but a canvas to our imagination.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
The world is coming to an end. Online time has been adjusted.
%%
The world is coming to an end.  Save your files.
%%
The world is cracked; this is all a bad yolk.
%%
The world is divided into men who accomplish things and
those who get all the credit.
 -- Proverb
%%
The world is divided into people who do things as they are,
and those who do things as they ought to be.
 -- Stowe
%%
The world is divided into two classes - invalids and nurses.
%%
The world is divided into two groups. There are those who know, and
those who don't know. Those who know, they're no problem. Those who
don't know are also in two groups. One is those who don't know, and
know they don't know. Well, they can learn! But then, there are those
who don't know, and don't know they don't know.

And they become managers!
%%
The world is filled with fools. They blindly follow their so-called
 'reason' in the face of the church and common sense. Any fool can see
 that the world is flat!
%%
The world is full of burled and gnarly knobs on which you can hang a
metaphysical system. If you must.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The world is full of cactus, but we don't have to sit on it.
 -- Will Foley
%%
The world is full of fatheads...
 -- Mystery Science Theatre 3000
%%
 "The world is full of fools, and he who would not see it should live
 alone and smash his mirror."
 -- Claude le Petite
%%
The world is full of kings and queens
who'll blind your eyes and steal your dreams.
%%
The world is full of people who have never, since childhood,
met an open doorway with an open mind.
 -- E. B. White
%%
The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is,
in fact, a return to the idealised past.
 -- Robertson Davies, "A Voice from the Attic", 1960
%%
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest
 willing to let them.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
The world is governed by opinion.
 -- Thomas Hobbes
%%
The world is governed more by appearances than by realities, so that it
is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.
 -- Daniel Webster
%%
The world is grown so bad,
That wrens make prey where eagles dare not perch.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
The world is like a cactus except the pricks are inside.
%%
The world is more complicated than most of our theories make it out to be.
 -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says
it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.
 -- E. Hubbard
%%
The world is my country, all mankind are my brethern, and to do good is
my religion.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
The world is my lobster.
 -- Henry J. Tillman
%%
The world is no nursery.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
The world is not a prison-house but a kind of spiritual kindergarten where
millions of bewildered infants are trying to spell God with the wrong blocks.
 -- Edwin Arlington Robinson
%%
The world is not octal despite DEC.
%%
The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion.
%%
The world is not thy friend nor the world's law.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The world is older and bigger than we are. This is a hard truth for some folks
to swallow.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The world is only as far as an InterLink board!
%%
The world is really just a big ball of dirt.
%%
The world is run by those who show up.
%%
The world is so big and so global now.
%%
The world is too complicated for one line aphorisms.
%%
The world is too critical.  The world is too cynical.
We lose our innocence and we lose our very soul.
%%
The world is very different now.  For man holds in his
mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty...
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
The world is what it is, no less and no more, and therein lies its entire and
sufficient meaning.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The world is white no longer, and it will never be white again.
 -- James Baldwin (1924- ), Notes of a Native Son (1955)
%%
The world is wide and beautiful. But almost everywhere, everywhere, the
children are dying.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums.
It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish.
You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.
 -- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
The world is your oyster, everything is getting better, and you will live
happily ever after.
%%
The world is your oyster, so EAT IT!!
%%
The world itself is the will to power - and nothing else!  And you yourself
are the will to power - and nothing else!
 -- Nietzsche
 -- The Will to Power
%%
The world just ended.  Log off and go home.
%%
The world knows nothing of its greatest men.
 -- Sir Henry Taylor (1800-?)
 -- Philip Van Artevelde, Part i, Act i, Sc. 5
%%
The world knows only two,--that 's Rome and I.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Sejanus, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The world laughs at Bill Clinton and he's too incompetent to notice.
%%
The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls.
 -- Father Robert F Capon
%%
The world looks flat to me.........That's a map dude !
%%
The world may be divided into people that read, people that write,
people that think, and fox hunters.
 -- Shenstone
%%
The world needs ditch-diggers too.
%%
The world needs more people like us and fewer like them.
%%
The world of children's publishing is bunny eat bunny.
%%
The world of employer and employee, like that of master and slave, debases
both.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The world of today is run by "C" students of yesterday.
%%
The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease.  The happy man
confines himself within ancient limits.
%%
The world 's a bubble, and the life of man
  Less than a span.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- The World
%%
The world 's a stage
His justice, knowledge, love, and providence
Do act the parts.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, First Week, First Day
%%
The world 's a stage on which all parts are played.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- A Game of Chess, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
The world's as ugly as sin, And almost as delightful
 -- Frederick Locker-Lampson
%%
The world 's a theatre, the earth a stage
Which God and Nature do with actors fill.
 -- Thomas Heywood (c. 1574-1641)
 -- Apology for Actors (1612)
%%
The World's Best Recipes: Gus Tatorial
%%
The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
%%
The world's crazy, when it comes to beauty.
 -- Richard Bach, Spoken by Leslie Parrish, The Bridge Across Forever
%%
The World's Deadliest Joke: Theophilus Punoval
%%
The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its
great scholars great men.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, vi
%%
The world's imagination is contained in a Crayola box.
%%
The worlds most effective lockpick is dynamite followed by a sledgehammer.
 -- The Terrorists Handbook
%%
The world spins and you slap against the floor.
%%
The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of it.
%%
The worlds worst children
 always live next door, even if you move!
 -- Confucius Says
%%
The world that never mankind hath possessed.
[del mondo sanza gente.]
 -- Dante "Inferno," XXVI,v. 117
%%
The world, the flesh, and the devil.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- The Litany
%%
The world thumbs its nose at Clinton and he's too ignorant to notice.
%%
The world today seems absolutely crackers.
%%
The world wants to be deceived.
 -- Sebastian Brant
%%
The world was sad, the garden was a wild,
And man the hermit sigh'd--till woman smiled.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 37
%%
The world was very guilty of such a ballad some three ages since;
but I think now 't is not to be found.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
The world will be a much better place when the power of love
outweighs the love of power.
 -- Gerry Spence
%%
The world will end at NOON tomorrow (12:30 in Newfoundland)
%%
The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.
%%
The world will end neither with a bang nor a whimper, but with the strident
cries of little men devoted to cost-benefit ratios.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
The world will little note nor long remember what we say here.
 -- Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address
%%
The world will never have lasting peace so long as men reserve for
war the finest human qualities.  Peace, no less than war, requires
idealism and self-sacrifice and a righteous and dynamic faith.
 -- John Foster Dulles
%%
The world will never starve for a want of wonders, but only for want of wonder.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
The world would really benefit from a device which prevents people calling
 your home when you are on the throne...
%%
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #42
%%
The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
 -- Porkingham's Fishing Philosophy
%%
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
 -- Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American
%%
The worst beer around is WinBooze.
%%
The worst calamity after a stupid general is an intelligent general.
 -- Charles DeGaulle
%%
The worst cliques are those which consist of one man.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The worst comes to the worst.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- The Phoenix, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
The worst crime against working people is a company which fails to operate at a
 profit.
 -- Samuel Gompers (1908)
%%
The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
The worst errors are those that remain unnoticed.
%%
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.
 -- Aristotle
%%
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire
 world, and people keep sending it to each other.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
The worst hatred is that of relatives.
%%
The worst ice cream flavor is probably squirrel.
%%
The worst is not
So long as we can say, "This is the worst."
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
The worst is the enemy of the bad.
 -- MURPHY'S SAVING GRACE
%%
The worst job I ever had was working in a Fotomat booth. I was the only one
 at the Christmas party.
 -- Mark Dobrient
%%
The worst men often give the best advice.
 -- Bailey
%%
The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.
 -- Bette Midler
%%
The worst part of valor is indiscretion.
%%
The worst prison would be a closed heart.
%%
The worst problems have solutions that create problems.
%%
The worst provincialism of which America can be guilty is the
provincialism of prejudice, racial prejudice, prejudice against new and
challenging ideas.
 -- Justice William O. Douglas (1898-1980)
%%
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship.
%%
The worst speak something good; if all want sense,
God takes a text, and preacheth Pa-ti-ence.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Church Porch
%%
The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they
were wrong.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
The worst thing about censorship is [[[[[[[[[[.
%%
The worst thing about censorship is that it
desensitizes people to violence--censorship IS violence.
%%
The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of
 the night and get a Slurpee.
 -- Tellis Frank
%%
The worst thing about hell is that you THINK you're having a really good time.
%%
The worst thing about incomplete sentences.
%%
The worst thing in the world next to anarchy is government.
%%
The worst thing is when you have to kill someone you love
 because they're SATAN.
 -- Judy Tenuda
%%
The worst thing men is that when not drunk they are sober.
%%
The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and
not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could
have materialized - and never knowing.
 -- David Viscott
%%
The worst thing that you can do to someone is cause them to hire a lawyer.
%%
The worst thing you can do to a VAX/VMS system is log in.
 -- Heard at a DECUS VAX Performance Seminar
%%
The worst vice of the fanatic is his sincerity.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son.
 -- Kin Hubbard
%%
The worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it.
 -- James Bryce
%%
The worth of the State, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals
composing it, and a State which postpones the interest of their mental
expansion and elevation to a little more of administrative skill, or of that
semblance of it which practice gives in the details of business... will find
that with small men no great thing can be accomplished.
 -- John Stuart Mill, 'On Liberty', 1859
%%
The worthy gentleman who has been snatched from us at the moment of
the election, and in the middle of the contest, whilst his desires
were as warm and his hopes as eager as ours, has feelingly told us
what shadows we are, and what shadows we pursue.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Speech at Bristol on Declining the Poll, Vol. ii, p. 420
%%
The wreckage of a bridge (and a dead bear) can be seen at the bottom
of of the chasm.
%%
The wretched souls of those who lived
Without or praise or blame.
 -- Dante (1265-1321)
 -- Hell, Canto iii, Line 34
%%
The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly.
 They were just the first not to crash.
%%
The Wright brothers' first flight at Kitty Hawk, N.C., covered about
100 feet. Now some planes are twice that long.
%%
The writer concerned more with technique than truth becomes a technician, not
an artist.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The writer is the engineer of the human soul.
 -- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
%%
The writers against religion, whilst they oppose every system, are
wisely careful never to set up any of their own.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- A Vindication of Natural Society
%%
The writer speaks not *to* his audience (who wants to listen to lectures?) but
*for* them, expressing their thoughts and emotions through the imaginative
power of his art.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
The writers who have nothing to say are the ones you can
buy; the others have too high a price.
 -- Walter Lippmann, "Preface to Politics"
%%
The writing of more than 75 poems in any fiscal year should be punishable
by a fine of $500.
 -- Ed Sanders
%%
The writing on the wall usually means
there's at least one small child in the family.
%%
The wrong sow by th' eare.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. ix
%%
The wrong way always seems the more reasonable.
%%
:the X that can be Y is not the true X: Yet another instance of
   hackerdom's peculiar attraction to mystical references --- a common
   humorous way of making exclusive statements about a class of
   things.  The template is from the "Tao te Ching": "The
   Tao which can be spoken of is not the true Tao."  The implication
   is often that the X is a mystery accessible only to the
   enlightened.  See the {trampoline} entry for an example, and
   compare {has the X nature}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
They all laughed at Albert Einstein. They all laughed at Columbus.
Unfortunately, they also all laughed at Bozo the Clown.
 -- William H. Jefferys
%%
They also say that God is an animal immortal, rational, perfect, and
intellectual in his happiness, unsusceptible of any kind of evil,
having a foreknowledge of the universe and of all that is in the universe;
however, that he has not the figure of a man; and that he is the creator
of the universe, and as it were the Father of all things in common,
and that a portion of him pervades everything.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Zeno, lxxii
%%
They also surf who only stand on waves.
%%
They are able because they think they are able.
 -- Virgil
%%
They are a puckish band of rapscallions.
%%
They are as sick that surfeit with too much, as they that starve with nothing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
They are back where they usually are.
%%
They are called computers simply because computation is the only
significant job that has so far been given to them.
 -- Louis Ridenour
%%
They are ill discoverers that think there is no land,
when they can see nothing but sea.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
They are laughing at me, not with me.
%%
They are like the deaf adder that stoppeth her ear; which will not
hearken to the voice of charmers, charming never so wisely.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lviii, 4, 5
%%
They are never alone that are accompanied with noble thoughts.
 -- Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)
 -- Arcadia, Book i
%%
They are not a pipe for fortune's finger
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man
That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him
In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,
As I do thee.--Something too much of this.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
They aren't broken, they're...uh...modular.
%%
They aren't evil...just stupid.
%%
They are perfect; how else?--they shall never change:
  We are faulty; why not?--we have time in store.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Old Pictures in Florence, xvi
%%
They are proud in humility; proud in that they are not proud.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 14
%%
They are referring to the current Vice President as "Bush's Bogie," because
 Dan is not quite up to par.
%%
They are relatively good but absolutely terrible.
 -- Alan Kay [commenting on Apollos]
%%
They are safe now.
%%
They are slaves who fear to speak
For the fallen and the weak.
.     .     .     .     .     .
They are slaves who dare not be
In the right with two or three.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Stanzas on Freedom
%%
They are the abstract and brief chronicles of the time: after your
death you were better have a bad epitaph than their ill report while
you live.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
"They are too green," he said, "and only good for fools."
 -- J. de La Fontaine (1621-1695)
 -- The Fox and the Grapes, Book iii, Fable 11
%%
They are too thin and bare to hide offences.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
They asked me to go in front of the Reagans.  I'm not used to going in
front of President Reagan, so we went out behind the Bushes.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle after the swearing in ceremony
                  on Inauguration Day, 1/20/89. No, he's not discussing his
                  sanitary habits. (reported in the NY Daily News, 1/21/89)
%%
They asked me whether I wanted 20-year financing on my house and I said,
 'Make it 50!    The apocalypse is coming, so who cares!'
 -- Jon Lewis
%%
They bear and endure;
This means good fortune for inferior people.
The standstill serves to help the great man attain success.
%%
They became farmers in the fields of stars; they sowed, and sometimes they
 reaped.    And sometimes, dispassionately, they had to weed.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
They begin with making falsehood appear like truth, and end with
making truth itself appear like falsehood.
 -- Shensione
%%
They blew the Bronx away. . .
%%
They *blinded* me with Science!
%%
They built a new church and had the organ transplanted.
%%
They called me mello' yello'...........
%%
They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy
 so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't
 watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used
 to watch a game, see the players in a huddle--and think they were talking
 about me.
 -- Jackie Mason
%%
They call it WINDOWS 'cause it breaks so easily !
%%
They call me Cuban Pete, I'm the king of the rumba beat!
%%
They call me Mr. Tinker Train!
 -- Ozzy Osborne
%%
They call me the working man. I guess that's what I am.
 -- Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson
%%
They call us "coaches." The job is to remind your wife to breathe. Think
 about that for a second. You realize exactly how worthless I am in this
 thing? When was the last time you had to be reminded to breathe? It's like
 saying, "Digest!" ... My baby, "Hesitation Klein," took twenty hours of
 labor to come out. They used a plunger at the end.
 -- Robert Klein
%%
They came for the gays. I was silent because I wasn't gay.
%%
They came to the Delectable Mountains.
 -- John Bunyan (1628-1688)
 Pilgrim's Progress, -- Pilgrim's Progress, Part i
%%
THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.
%%
They can because they think they can.
 -- Virgil
%%
They can call me a preservationist as long as I can call them devastationists.
 -- Environmental activist Andy Kerr, referring to the forest industry's
      characterization of him.
%%
They can expect nothing but their labour for their pains.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, The Author's Preface
%%
They can have my guns...158 grains at a time!
%%
They can#############Tagline Censored#############out even trying !
%%
They can't fire me! Slaves HAVE to be sold!!!
%%
They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
They caution pregnant women not to drink alcohol. It may harm the baby. I
 think that's ironic. If it wasn't for alcohol most women wouldn't be that
 way.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
They certainly give very strange names to diseases.
 -- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
%%
They collapsed....  like nuns in the street...
 they had no teen appeal!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
        "They come over here and they take all our land.
         They chop off our heads and they boil them in oil.
         Our children are leaving and we have no heads --
         We drink and we sing and we drink and we die."
 -- Denis Leary, "Traditional Irish Folksong"
%%
They come to see; they come that they themselves may be seen.
 -- Ovid (43 BC)
 -- The Art of Love, i, 99
%%
They communicated by tap-dancing and farting.
 -- _Breakfast_of_Champions_
%%
They copied all they could follow
but they couldn't copy my mind
so I left them sweating and stealing
a year and a half behind.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
They (corporations) cannot commit treason, nor be outlawed nor
excommunicate, for they have no souls.
 -- Sir Edward Coke (1549-1634)
 -- Case of Sutton's Hospital, 10 Rep, 32
%%
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...
 -- General Sedgewick, killed at the Spotsylvania battle, 1864,
 -- imprudently looking over the parapet at the enemy lines [his last words]
%%
They crossed a pit bull with a collie.
It bites your leg off and goes for help.
 -- Hear about the new breed in pet shops?
%%
They demen gladly to the badder end.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Squieres Tale, Line 10538
%%
They died, as if o'ercome by sleep.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 116
%%
They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
They DO make 'em like they used to.
%%
They do not live but linger.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 10
%%
They do not understand how that which differs with itself is in agreement:
harmony consists of opposing tension, like that of the lyre and the bow.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
They don't even send him rejection slips anymore. All his stories come back
 marked "Opened by Mistake."
 -- George Price
%%
They don't give a damn if it takes one-tenth the RAM,
It ain't what *they* call "structured code"...
 -- from "The Sultans of Software"
%%
They don't have sarcasm on Betelgeuse, and Ford Prefect often failed to notice
it unless he was concentrating.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
They don't let us beat students anymore, but my fantasy life is my own
business.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
They don't like humanoids in general and homo sapiens in
particular. That puts their intelligence in no doubt....
 -- Avon
%%
They don't make them like they used to. At least, I don't.
 -- Joe E. Lewis
%%
They don't really Like warm beer - they got Lucas fridge.
%%
They don't say Hanes until I say they say Hanes!
%%
They do say, Mrs M., that verbal insults hurt more than physical
  pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover...when
  I stick this toasting fork in your head.
 -- Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
The year is 2258.  The name of the place is Babylon 5.
%%
The year is 2989.  New York City has become a
 melting pot for humans and various alien races.
 Blind dates are a real crap shoot now.
 -- From ROACHMILL
%%
The years are flying by, so much to learn, so much to try...
%%
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and
eighteen.  At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
%%
The years teach much which the days never know.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Experience"
%%
They eat, they drink, and in communion sweet
Quaff immortality and joy.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 637
%%
The Yellow River by I. P. Freely
%%
The Yellow Stream, by I. P. Daley
%%
The Yeti, whom we know of only By the tracks he leaves behind, Hunts
the mountains, sad and lonely, For a mate to breed his kind.
%%
They face off against each other in the street down in jungleland.
%%
They finally had to stop Millet's pie-eating contest this year, when a
guy was killed in it.  The cow sat on him.
%%
They fool me to the top of my bent.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
They gave her back to me, Scotty.

I doubt if it was *that* easy with Nogura, sir!
 -- Kirk and Scotty, "ST: The Motion Picture," stardate 7411.4
%%
They gave me a book of checks.  They didn't ask for any deposits.
 -- Congressman Joe Early (D-Mass) at a press conference
 -- to answer questions about the House Bank Scandal
%%
They get together all day long and say to each other, "What can we
 postpone next?" The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their
 bill, which arrives regularly. You've heard about the man who got the bill
 from his lawyer which said, "For crossing the street to speak to you and
 discovering it was not you ... twelve dollars."
 -- George S. Kaufman
%%
They go from strength to strength.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lxxxiv, 7
%%
They got the library at Alexandria--they're not getting mine.
%%
They grew in beauty side by side,
  They filled one home with glee:
Their graves are severed far and wide
  By mount and stream and sea.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- The Graves of a Household
%%
They had best not stir the rice, though it sticks to the pot.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xxxvi
%%
They have a big drive on now to rehabilitate prisoners. I think it's a
 great idea. They even bring in the wives of the prisoners to spend the
 weekend. In fact, the other day I read that a judge in Philadelphia
 suggested this, word for word: "Normal sexual relations should be provided
 in prison as long as they are properly supervised." What do you call this
 kind of a supervisor? A night watchman?
 -- Lou Alexander
%%
They have a Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings
 and rings but nobody answers.
 -- Tommy Blaze
%%
They have a plentiful lack of wit.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
They have a right to censure that have a heart to help.
 -- William Penn
%%
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
They have been moved to a safe place.
%%
They have cheveril consciences that will stretch.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 2, Subsect. 3
%%
They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why
 screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'im bloat!
 -- David Letterman
%%
"They have exiled me now from their society and I am pleased,
because humanity does not exile except the one whose noble
spirit rebels against despotism and oppression.  He who does
not prefer exile to slavery is not free by any measure of
freedom, truth and duty"
 -- Kahlil Gibran, from "Spirits Rebellious"
%%
They have measured many a mile
To tread a measure with you on this grass.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
They have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Hosea viii, 7
%%
They have this stuff in the supermarket--imitation crabmeat. You know there
 aren't fish at the bottom of the ocean going, "Wait--I do a great crab!"
 -- Rick Corso
%%
They hear a voice in every wind,
  And snatch a fearful joy.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On a Distant Prospect of Eton College, Stanza 4
%%
They hired Sacajewea to be their guide...
%%
The yielding marble of her snowy breast.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- On a Lady passing through a Crowd of People
%%
They, I mean the Daleks, tell me they've always been defeated by human
beings. . . Possibly because of some factor possessed by
human beings that is absent in the Daleks.   Perhaps they want to
find out what it is and transplant it into their own race.
 -- Theodore Maxtible, THE EVIL OF THE DALEKS
%%
They just buzzed and buzzed.....buzzed.
%%
They just don't make nostalgia like they used to.
%%
They just pretend to pay us, so we just pretend to work.
%%
They know your name, address, telephone number, credit card numbers, who ELSE
 is driving the car for insurance, ...     your driver's license number. In the
 state of Massachusetts, this is the same number as that used for Social
 Security, unless you object to such use. In THAT case, you are ASSIGNED a
 number and you reside forever more on the list of weird people who don't give
 out their Social Security Number in Massachusetts.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
They [La Prensa] accused us of suppressing freedom of expression.   This was a
 lie and we could not let them publish it.
 -- Nelba Blandon, Interior Ministry Director of Censorship, quoted in
    The New York Times, 1984
%%
They lard their lean books with the fat of others' works.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
They laugh at us up North, they say we're ignorant. Of course, we realize
 it. They laugh at us. They say at nine, ten o'clock at night we're home in
 bed. That's all right, two o'clock in the morning they're still searchin'
 for it.
 -- Brother Dave Gardner
%%
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
%%
They laugh that win.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
%%
They lived in two worlds. They loved in one.
%%
They'll just find a statue standing where the statue got you high...
%%
They'll shoot you dead, make you a man.
%%
They'll take away my sword when they pry my cold dead
fingers off the hilt
%%
They (local authorities) are caught between the deep blue sea of the rates
 and the frying-pan of the Poll Tax.
%%
They love their land because it is their own,
  And scorn to give aught other reason why;
Would shake hands with a king upon his throne,
  And think it kindness to his Majesty.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Connecticut
%%
They made and recorded a sort of institute and digest of anarchy,
called the Rights of Man.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- On the Army Estimates, Vol iii, p. 221
%%
They made light of it.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxii, 5
%%
They made us eat porridge.  It was a gruelling experience.
%%
They made us many promises, more than I can remember, but they never
  kept but one; they promised to take our land, and they took it.
 -- Red Cloud
%%
They make love at the drop of a hat.
Any hat.
 -- Geordi and Yar about the Edo, "Justice", stardate 41255.6
%%
They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you
made them feel.
 -- Carl W. Buechner
%%
They may seize
On the white wonder of dear Juliet's hand
And steal immortal blessing from her lips,
Who, even in pure and vestal modesty,
Still blush, as thinking their own kisses sin.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
They mean to win Wimbledon!
%%
They might find me interesting.
Baldrick, I find the General Northern and Metropolitan sewage
  system interesting, but that doesn't mean that I want to put on
  some rubber gloves and pull things out with a pair of tweezers.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : General Hospital
%%
They might harpoon us, but they ain't gonna pick us up on no RADAR.
%%
They must have hyperjets on that thing!
%%
They must have over-shot us by a week and a half!
%%
They must have the defects of their qualities.
 -- Balzac
%%
They must needs go whom the Devil drives.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. iv
%%
    They must often change, who would be constant in happiness
or wisdom.
 -- Confucius
%%
They need help, and we have helped, and we are here to help. And we
are helping, and we're going to continue to help.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing federal involvement
                   in the Chicago floods.  (Chicago Tribune, 4/24/92 -
                   taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
They never fail who die
In a great cause.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Marino Faliero, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
They never let you live it down.
 -- Nero
%%
They never let you live it down. One little mistake!
 -- Nero
%%
They never taste who always drink;
They always talk who never think.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Upon a passage in the Scaligerana
%%
   They now pass three KNIGHTS impaled to a tree.  With their feet off the
   ground,  with one lance through the lot of them, they are skewered up
   like a barbecue.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
They only come out at night.
%%
They only have two rules in the whole school: One,
 you're not allowed to carry a gun, and two, you're
not allowed to walk on the roof.
 -- Reed College rugby coach Peter Carmine
%%
The yoo-hoo you yoo-hoo into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back.
 -- Merle Miller
%%
"They order," said I, "this matter better in France."
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Sentimental Journey, Page 1
%%
They ought to make butt-flavored cat food.
 -- Gallagher
%%
The young Astyanax, the hope of Troy.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vi, Line 467
%%
The young constable has just thrown up into his helmet.
%%
The young disease, that must subdue at length,
Grows with his growth, and strengthens with his strength.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 135
%%
The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt
the impossible - and achieve it, generation after generation. 
%%
The younger, the better.
%%
The youngest letters in the English language are "j," "v" and "w."
%%
The young gentleman, according to Fates and Destinies and such odd
sayings, the Sisters Three and such branches of learning, is indeed
deceased; or, as you would say in plain terms, gone to heaven.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have
 reminiscences of what never happened.
 -- Saki (Hector Hugh Munro)
%%
The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
%%
The young lady had an unusual list,
Linked in part to a structural weakness.
She set no preconditions.
%%
The young man who has not wept is a savage, and
 the old man who will not laugh is a fool.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
%%
The youth of today and of those to come after them would assess the
work of the revolution in accordance with values of their own ...
a thousand years from now, all of them, even Marx, Engels, and Lenin,
would possibly appear rather ridiculous.
 -- Mao Tse-tung
%%
"They own a mountain?  I thought only God could own a mountain."
"We got a good deal."
 -- Dennis Booker & Chick Sterling, Booker
%%
They pass best over the world who trip over it quickly; for it is
but a bog- if we stop we sink.
 -- Queen Elizabeth
%%
They pay me to think... As long as I keep my mouth shut.
%%
They politics like ours profess, the greater prey upon the less.
%%
They [preachers] dread the advance of science as witches do the approach
of daylight and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subversions
of the duperies on which they live.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
They're all dead, Dave.
%%
They're [androids are] perfect.  Flawless, mentally and physically. No
  weaknesses, perfectly disciplined.  No vices, no fears, no faults.
  Just a sense of purpose.
 -- McCoy, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
They're baaack!
%%
They're born pregnant, Jim; very efficient.
 -- Bones
%%
They're coming to take me away, ha ha!
%%
They're cousins, identical cousins...
%%
They're enormous!
 -- President George Bush, on the previous eight years'deficits,
 -- Day 12 of the Bush presidency.
He didn't understand the deficit until after the election.
 -- An aide to President George Bush, Day 13 of the Bush presidency
%%
They're filming Rocky V now.  This one's being billed as `Rocky's Greatest
Challenge', so I guess there's an IQ test involved.
 -- Jay Leno
%%
They're firing, sir!! They're firing!!!
...Thank you, Lieutenant. If thy hit _me_, you'll be sure to point it
  out, won't you.
 -- George and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
They're funny things, Accidents.  You never have them till you're having them.
 -- Eeyore, Pooh's Little Instruction Book,
inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
They refuse your offer, but say thanks.
%%
They're going to call this the Hill/Billy administration!
%%
They're gonna cut back on the troops by 100,000 in Europe. Could you
 imagine what a loser you gotta feel like when you get laid off by the Army?
 -- Jack Cohen
%%
They're has got to be a self-destruct mecanism in the central brain...
%%
They're holding us by our love of it, and we'll go on paying so long as
there's one chance left to keep one single wheel alive and moving in
token of human intelligence.  We'll go on holding it afloat, like our
drowning child, and when the flood swallows it, we'll go down with the
last wheel and the last syllogism.  I know what we're paying, but --
price is no object any longer.
 -- Dagny Taggart
%%
They're just jealous because they don't have three
wise men and a virgin in the whole organization.
 -- Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci
 -- [on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed]
%%
They're just words. They don't mean anything.
%%
They're not calling it the stock market any longer. It's the stuck market.
 When a man walks into a hotel and requests a room on the ninth floor, the
 clerk asks, "For sleeping or for jumping?"

 I shouldn't worry about my stocks. My stockbroker will carry me. He and
 three other pallbearers.
 -- Eddie Cantor
%%
They're now desecrating the Christian Science churches. Little kids are
 running around writing Rx.
 -- James Komack
%%
They're offering you a chance for combat.  They consider it
  more pleasurable than love.
 -- McCoy, "Friday's Child," stardate 3497.2.
%%
They 're only truly great who are truly good.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Revenge for Honour, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
%%
They're putting 2 more faces on Mt. Rushmore - Clinton.
%%
They're putting dimes in the hole in my head to see the change in me.
 -- Song Title of the Week
%%
They're serving burgers in the back... If you go for burgers, you'll
love the burgers here.  They have some burgers in this place, when you
open your mouth you know, you hold'em like this, and go way in the
back where nobody can see you... Some people eat them that way...
 -- Frank Zappa, You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol. 1
%%
They're still using money. We've got to find some.
 -- Kirk
%%
They're trying to confuse us to death.
%%
They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.
 They'd be difficult to like.
 -- Avon
%%
They said, "You have a blue guitar,
You do not play things as they are."
The man replied, "Things as they are
Are changed upon the blue guitar."
 -- Wallace Stevens, "The Man with the Blue Guitar"
%%
They sang of love, and not of fame;
  Forgot was Britain's glory;
Each heart recall'd a different name,
  But all sang Annie Lawrie.
 -- Bayard Taylor (1825-1878)
 -- The Song of the Camp
%%
They's an old saw to the effect that the sun never sets on the British
 Empire. While we was there, it never even rose.
 -- Ring Lardner
%%
They saved Hitler's brain, it's living in Jerry Falwell.
%%
They say a carpenter 's known by his chips.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
They say act your age, and when you do they get mad
%%
They say an elephant never forgets, but what's he got to remember?
%%
They say a reasonable amount o' fleas is good for a dog -- keeps him from
broodin' over bein' a dog mebbe.
 -- Edward Noyes Westcott
%%
They say, best men are moulded out of faults,
And, for the most, become much more the better
For being a little bad.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
They say garbage can be made into fuel.
Why not? It's already being made into movies, books and TV shows.
%%
They say give your money to God, but they give you THEIR address.
%%
They say if you smoke you knock off ten years. But it's the last ten. What
 do you miss? The drooling years?
 -- John Mendoza
%%
They say I married my wife because her uncle left her a whole lot of money.
 That's not true. I would've married her no matter who left her the money.
 -- Spanky (Steve McFarlin)
%%
They say I'm crazy but I haven't the time...
%%
They say in an awkward or embarrassing situation don't freeze up. Pay a
 compliment. You will lessen the tension. I remembered that. I was talking
 to this guy, I didn't know him too well, and his toupee blew onto the
 sidewalk. Very embarrassing. So I said, "Gee, I like your hair like that."
 -- George Miller
%%
They say it's the responsibility of the media to look at government --
especially the president -- with a microscope.  I don't argue with that,
but when they use a proctoscope, it's going too far.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
They say miracles are past.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  That's not as
bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death.
%%
They say that a dagger hits.
%%
They say that a dog avoids traps.
%%
They say that a dog can be trained to fetch objects.
%%
They say that a dog never steps on a cursed object.
%%
They say that after a brush with death the world looks different and
that was true for me, but by the time I caught my breath, I realized
that it was because I had lost my glasses.
 -- Michael Dorris, _The Broken Cord_
%%
They say that an elven cloak may be worn over your armor.
%%
They say that a unicorn might bring you luck.
%%
They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as
 somewhat of a recluse.
 -- Emily Dickinson
%%
They say that killing a shopkeeper brings bad luck.
%%
They say that marriages are made in heaven -
but so are thunder and lightning.
%%
They say that the first inclination which an animal has is to protect itself.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Zeno, lii
%%
They say that the use of dynamite is dangerous.
%%
They say that throwing food at a wild dog might tame him.
%%
They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change
them yourself.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
They say the atmosphere there was so full of goodness that evil
   just shriveled up and died.  Maybe that's why I never went there.
 -- Doctor, Keeper of Traken
%%
They say the best exercise takes place in the bedroom. I believe it,
 because that's where I get the most resistance.
 -- Jeff Shaw
%%
They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of
 your friends have you neutered?
 -- Larry Reeb
%%
They say the homeless are homeless by choice. That's true. I was walking
 down Bleecker Street at two in the morning, and I just had that burning
 desire to go to sleep right there.
 -- Scott Blakeman
%%
They say the number of criminals is still rising.  Where are we going to put
them all? Prisons and government are already overflowing.
%%
They say there are two types of people who fly exclusively on Boeing planes:
1)  Boeing engineers.
2)  McDonnell Douglas engineers.
%%
They say there is strangeness, too dangerous, in our theatres
 and bookstore shelves.   Those who know what's best for us,
 must rise and save us from ourselves.  Quick to judge, quick to anger,
 slow to understand; ignorance and prejudice and fear walk hand in hand.
 -- Rush
%%
They say the wages of sin are death, but after they
take out taxes, all that's left is a tired feeling.
%%
They say we are
Almost as like as eggs.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Winter's Tale
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
They say we're 98 percent water.  We're that close to drowning...[picks up his
glass
 of water from the stool]...I like to live on the edge...
 -- Steven Wright
%%
They say you can't do it, but sometimes that isn't always true.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
They say you don't really know a person until you've camped out with
him. Car-pooling serves the same purpose.
%%
They say you shouldn't say nothin' about the dead unless it's good. He's
 dead. Good.
 -- Moms Mabley
%%
They sent for me to come down to Washington in an airplane ... Sure enough,
 no sooner I got on the plane they strapped me down. The stewardess come by.
 I say, "Honey, my ears is all stopped up." Ohh, I was so sick!

 She say, "Here's some chewing gum." I chewed that. That ain't unstopped
 'em. I said, "Do something for me, honey, I'm dyin'." She said, "Drop your
 jaws." And I misunderstood her. They grounded me in Baltimore!
 -- Moms Mabley
%%
They sewed fig-leaves together and made themselves aprons.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis iii, 7
%%
They shall beat their swords into ploughshares, and their spears into
pruning-hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither
shall they learn war any more.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah ii, 4; Micah iv, 3
%%
They shall sit every man under his vine and under his fig-tree.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Micah iv, 4
%%
They should put expiration dates on clothes so we would know when
they go out of style.
 -- Garry Shandling
%%
They sicken of the calm that know the storm.
 -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
They smell, they snarl and they scratch; they have a singular aptitude for
 shredding rugs, drapes and upholstery; they're sneaky, selfish and not at
 all smart; they are disloyal, condescending and totally useless in any
 rodent-free environment.
 -- Jean-Michel Chapereau, on cats
%%
"They [South Africa] have eliminated the
 segregation that we once had in our own country --
 the type of thing where hotels and restaurants and
 places of entertainment and so forth were
 segregated -- that has all been eliminated."
 -- President Reagan, 1985
%%
They spare the rod, and spoyle the child.
 -- Ralph Venning (c. 1621-1673)
 -- Mysteries and Revelations, p. 5, (1649.)
%%
They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy".  Foreigners always spell
better than they pronounce.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
They stript Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colours.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xxxvii, 23
%%
They talk about people "relating" to each other ... Relating? Me being from
 Macon, Georgia, "relating" means dating your cousin.
 -- Blake Clark
%%
They talk most who have the least to say.
 -- Matthew Prior
%%
They talk of the dignity of work.  Bosh.  The dignity is in leisure.
 -- Herman Melville (1819-1891)
%%
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759
%%
They that die by famine die by inches.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Psalm lix
%%
They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cvii, 23
%%
They that govern most make the least noise. You see, when they row
in a barge, they do that drudgery work, slash and puff, and sweat,
but he that governs sits quietly at the stern, and is scarce seen to stir.
 -- Selden
%%
They that govern the most make the least noise.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Power
%%
They that have no other meet
Bread and butter are glad to eat.
 -- Proverb
%%
They that know no evil will suspect none.
 -- Ben Johnson
%%
"They that love beyond the world cannot be
 separated by it.  Death is but crossing the world,
 as friends do the seas; they live in one another
 still."
 -- William Penn
%%
They that on glorious ancestors enlarge,
Produce their debt instead of their discharge.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire i, Line 147
%%
... they [the Indians] are not running but are coming on.
 -- note sent from Lt. Col Custer to other officers
 -- of the 7th Regiment at the Little Bighorn
%%
They, they've got guys who'll go in and knock their heads off.
 -- Richard Nixon, May 5, 1971, discussing a proposal to use Teamsters Union
 -- members to attack Vietnam War protestors

Sure, Murderers.   Guys that really, you know, that's what they really do.
 It's the regular strikebuster types and all that... They're going to beat
 the shit out of some of these people.  And, uh, hope they really hurt 'em.
 You know, I mean go in... and smash some noses.
 -- H. R. Haldeman's response
%%
They think I'm paranoid. They all talk about it behind my back.
%%
They think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 7
%%
They [those who believe that "there are men on the other side of
the earth"] fail to observe that even if the world is held to be global
or rounded in shape, or if some process of reasoning should prove
this to be the case, it would still not necessarily
 follow that the land on the opposite side is not covered by masses of water.
 -- Saint Augustine, The City of God, 426 A.D.
%%
They thought to use and shame me but I win out by nature, because a true freak
cannot be made.   A true freak must be born.
 -- K. Dunn, _Geek Love_
%%
They told me it would disrupt my life less if I got killed
sooner.
 -- Joseph Heller
%%
They told me I was gullible...and I believed them!
%%
They told me to get a life -- I got a computer instead.
%%
They told me you had proven it        When they discovered our results
   About a month before.                   Their hair began to curl
The proof was valid, more or less     Instead of understanding it
   But rather less than more.              We'd run the thing through PRL.

He sent them word that we would try  Don't tell a soul about all this
   To pass where they had failed           For it must ever be
And after we were done, to them      A secret, kept from all the rest
   The new proof would be mailed.          Between yourself and me.

My notion was to start again
   Ignoring all they'd done
We quickly turned it into code
   To see if it would run.
%%
They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
%%
They tried to sell us egg foo young...
%%
They try to humiliate you in the hospital. They make you pee in a bottle. I
 hate that. I was in the hospital. The nurse said, "You have to pee in a
 bottle." When she left I poured Mountain Dew in there. She came back and I
 chugged it. She was puking for days. It's a sick world and I'm a happy guy!
 -- Larry Reeb
%%
They turned away, until we were only memories.
%%
They used to say, if man could fly, he'd have wings.  But he did fly;
  he discovered he had to.  Do you wish that the first Apollo mission
  hadn't reached the moon, or that we hadn't gone on to Mars and
  then to the nearest star?  That's like saying you wish that you still
  operated with scalpels and sewed your patients up with catgut, like your
  great, great, great-grandfather used to do ... Dr. McCoy is right in
  pointing out the enormous danger potential in any contact with life
  and intelligence as fantastically advanced as this.  But I must point
  out that the possibilities -- the potential for knowledge and
  advancement is equally great.  Risk -- risk is our business.
 -- Kirk, "Return to Tomorrow," stardate 4768.3.
%%
They've found something that does the work of 5 men...1 woman.
%%
They've got a new birth-control pill for men now. I think that's fair. It
 makes a lot more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a
 bulletproof vest.
 -- Greg Travis
%%
They've got a product called a disposable douche. Of course it's
 disposable. Who'd want to keep one of those things around?
 -- Lewis Grizzardch."
%%
They've got a Saturday night special,every night of the week.
 -- Loudon Wainwright III
%%
They've got drive-by shootings in Philadelphia now.  Where they park to
reload, I don't know.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
They've got so many of these Dial-a-Service numbers. They've got one
 that'll keep you occupied for hours, and it doesn't cost a cent. It's
 called a busy signal.
 -- Ron Smith
%%
They've pinpointed a date for the concert
 -- it's something between June and September.
%%
They've played their hearts out.
%%
"They've shut down the main reactor"
"Oh no!  That means we'll have to react on our own ..."
%%
They want us to pretend that we see the world as they pretend they
see it.  They need some sort of sanction from us.  I don't know the
nature of the sanction -- but, Dagny, I know that if we value our
lives, we must not give it to them.
 -- Hank Rearden
%%
They were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Naturally they became heroes.
%%
They were mad as a bunch of boiled owls.
 -- Colorful simile hall of fame
%%
They were so nice until I bought the computer.
%%
They were wont to speak in old time, saying, They shall surely ask
counsel at Abel: and so they ended the matter.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel xx, 18
%%
They we were - surrounded by 10,000 screaming Bon Jovi fans and not a single
 Solaris 2.4 CD-ROM amongst us!
 -- from Steve Tillers "Great Adventure stories of Sun System Administrators"
%%
They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape
those who dream only by night.
 -- Edgar Allan Poe, Eleonora
%%
They who drink beer will think beer.
 -- Washington Irving (1783-1859)
%%
They who know the truth are not equal to those who love it, and they who love
it are not equal to those who delight in it.
 -- Cervantes
%%
They who plough the sea do not carry the winds in their hands.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 759
%%
They who provide much wealth for their children, but neglect to improve
them in virtue, do like those who feed their horses high, but never
train them to the manage.
 -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
They will not let my play run; and yet they steal my thunder.
%%
They won't know she's on drugs...  they'll just think she's stupid.
%%
They would have to destroy the evidence -- and that would
include us.
%%
The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
The "ZIP" in Zip Code stands for "Zoning Improvement Plan".
%%
The zoo is not an exhibition I view with much enjoyment, when I notice
beasts in a position To learn the weaknesses of men.
 -- John Brunner
%%
Thhis takline iz slitely out of cofus.
%%
Thick as a brick.
%%
Thick as autumnal leaves or driving sand.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book ii, Line 970
%%
Thick as autumnal leaves that strow the brooks
In Vallombrosa, where th' Etrurian shades
High over-arch'd imbower.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 302
%%
Thicken up runny yogurt by stirring in a lump of lard.
%%
Thief!  Crook!  Call the Tagline Police! (ATDT911)
%%
THIEF
      i. Profession somehow made semi-glamorous in fantasy games, by
  making out that they are a noble breed of honourable men and women,
  who have their own organised societies and guilds, rather than
  weedy scumbags who break into your house and nick your video.
      ii. The character that no-one wants when they first play
  Dungeons & Dragons, because they can't kill monsters or cast cool
  spells.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Thievery is a matter of stealth, not hearty greetings.
 -- Richard Mace, THE VISITATION
%%
THIEVES do it in leather.
%%
THIEVES do it when you're not looking.
%%
Thieves do it with their lock picks.
%%
THIEVES do it with tools.
%%
Th' imperial ensign, which full high advanc'd
Shone like a meteor, streaming to the wind.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 536
%%
Thin airy shoals of visionary ghosts.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 48
%%
Thine eye was on the censer,
  And not the hand that bore it.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- Lines by a Clerk
%%
Thine is not to reason why, thine is just to figure pi.
 -- Vulcan humor
%%
Things always fall at right angles.
 -- Sprinkle's law
%%
Things are always at their best in the beginning.
 -- Pascal
%%
Things are better in their beginnings.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
Things are certainly looking up.
%%
Things are getting so bad muggers won't go out alone.
%%
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Things are going very well on the whole.
%%
Things are in the saddle, and ride mankind.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
%%
Things are never as bad as they can turn out to be if given a little time.
%%
Things are never as good or as bad as first reported.
%%
Things are not always what they seem.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book iv, Fable 2, 5
%%
Things are not as bad as they seem - they're worse.
%%
Things are not as simple as they seems at first.
 -- Edward Thorp
%%
Things are not going well with me. There is a brain-drain in my home town
 that has been going on for some time now and is rather thorough. I wanted
 to stay around, but was asked to leave by the rest of the permanent
 residents who felt I was too dumb!
%%
Things are often what they seem...
%%
Things are only impossible until they're not.
 -- Jean-Luc Picard
%%
Things are seldom what they seem.
 Skim milk masquerades as cream.
 -- W. S. Gilbert
%%
Things are still imperfect.
 -- Doctor, Silver Nemesis
%%
Things bad begun make strong themselves by ill.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Things could be a lot worse.
 -- Joyce Carol Oates
%%
Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every
day, like those of a baseball player.
%%
Things do change. The only question is that since things are deteriorating
so quickly, will society and man's habits change quickly enough?
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Things do not change; we change.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Things don't turn up in this world until somebody turns them up.
 -- James A. Garfield
%%
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
 -- First Postulate of Isomurphism
%%
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.
%%
Things get better with age - I'm nearing magnificence.
%%
Things get worse under pressure.
 -- Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
%%
Things go better with the Buddha.
%%
Things go on as they always have, getting weirder all the time.
%%
Things go right long enough to lull you into a false sense of
security, then they go totally wrong.
 -- Morley's law
%%
:Things Hackers Detest and Avoid:

IBM mainframes.  Smurfs, Ewoks, and other forms of offensive
cuteness.  Bureaucracies.  Stupid people.  Easy listening music.
Television (except for cartoons, movies, and "Star Trek"
classic).  Business suits.  Dishonesty.  Incompetence.  Boredom.
COBOL. BASIC.  Character-based menu interfaces.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Things have never been more like they are today in history.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
Things have not been getting better since the day of the discovery of the
 ball point pen that writes underwater.
%%
Things in this room do not react well to bullets.
%%
Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who
 hustle.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Things move so fast today that we sometimes get the feeling our solutions
may be obsolete before we can get them worked out.
%%
Things only appear to get lost--they're waiting for you in next week.
%%
Things on the whole are much faster in America; people don't stand for
 election, they run for office. If a person says she's sick, it doesn't mean
 regurgitating, it means ill. Mad means angry, not insane. Don't ask for
 left-luggage; it's called a checkroom. A nice joint means a good pub, not
 roast meat.
 -- Jessica Mitford
%%
Things past redress and now with me past care.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
%%
Things sweet to the taste, prove in digestion sour.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Things that are expensive are good.
 -- Di
%%
Things that go Bump on the Keyboard.
%%
Things that have a common quality ever quickly seek their kind.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 9
%%
Things that make you go "aww fuck"
 -- Kate Holleran
%%
Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
%%
Things that suck: Rush Lane in every crowd.
%%
Things to Cook Meat In: Stu Potts
%%
Things To Do At Parties: Bob Frapples
%%
Things To Keep In Mind!!!
%%
Things true and evident must of necessity be recognized by those who
would contradict them.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Concerning the Epicureans,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xx
%%
Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way
things turn out.
 -- Art Linkletter
%%
Things unattempted yet in prose or rhyme.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 16
%%
Things we'd like to see: Tasha Yar in a Data Entry position.
%%
Things which you do not hope happen more frequently than things which
you do hope.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Mostellaria, Act i, Sc. 3, 40, (197.)
%%
Things will be brighter tonight.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
%%
Things will be wonderful and exciting.
%%
Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Things will go on as they always have--that is to say, badly.
%%
Things without all remedy
Should be without regard; what 's done is done.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Things work better when assembled correctly.
%%
Things working well, no problems.  Time to upgrade.
%%
Things would go far better in this world if we had the courage to face the
 fact that other nations have the ability to handle their own affairs!
%%
Think about it. Do you want to be known as a girl who pedals it all over
 town? Of course not. There is a tremendous current revival of bicycling
 throughout the country. They say that it brings health and happiness. You
 know who this bicycle craze is making healthy and happy? The Schwinn
 Company. If you must ride a bike there's only one way to do it--sitting on
 the handlebars while somebody else pedals.
 -- Totie Fields
%%
Think all you speak, but speak not all you think.
%%
Think and you won't sink.
%%
Think before you act; it's not your money.
%%
Think before you speak is criticism's motto; speak
 before you think, creation's.
 -- E. M. Forster
%%
Think before you think!
 -- Stanislaw Lem
%%
Think big, be big.
 -- Barry Minkow (former ZZZZ Best "Carpet King,"
 now serving a twenty-year prison sentence for securities fraud,
 conspiracy, and money laundering)
%%
Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
%%
Think carefully before wishing, it might just come true.
%%
Think for myself?  Sure.  Now, what would Rush be thinking...
%%
Think for yourself and question authority.
 -- Timothy Leary
%%
Think for yourself - You're being brainwashed.
%%
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Think globally; act locally.
 -- Rene Dubos
%%
Think harder.
%%
Think hard now!  Which one is Shinola?
%%
Think highly of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate.
%%
Think "HONK" if you're a telepath.
%%
THINK--If you are already thinking, please disregard this button.
%%
Thinking about what you can't control only wastes energy and creates
  its own enemy.
 -- Worf, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
THINKING HURTS, it may lead to unpleasant truths!
%%
Thinking is but an idle waste of thought,
And nought is everything and everything is nought.
 -- Horace Smith (1779-1849)
 -- Rejected Addresses, Cui Bono?
%%
Thinking is identical with being.
%%
Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable 
reason why so few engage in it.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself.
 -- Plato
%%
Thinking means connecting things, and stops
if they cannot be connected.
 -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
Thinking of you is like breathing--it comes automatically.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Thinking quickly Spock opens a can of peas with his ears.
%%
Thinking quickly, the IBM System Jock
uttered an incantation in EBCDIC and made
the sign of the Terminated Fork.
The UNIX Guru only smiled and trapped
him in a recursive SED script.
%%
Thinking small-minded is when you see your bus on the other side of the
 street and wish you could teleport across to catch it.
 -- Kenneth Arromdee (arromdee@cs.jhu.edu)
%%
Think! It may hurt, but it pays off over time.
%%
Think it more satisfactory to live richly than die rich.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne
%%
Think it over, creep.
 -- Robocop
%%
Think it's time I'm leavin' / Nothin' here to make me stay.
 -- Led Zeppelin
%%
Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.
 -- Henri Louis Bergson (1859-1941)
%%
Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.
 -- Darrell Royal
%%
Think more.
%%
Think much, speak little, and write less.
%%
Think much, speak little, and write less. However, if you are going to
 write, it is well to write what you think people think you think rather
 than what you think, because people have no idea what you think, and likely
 as not, are uninterested. Seldom say what you mean and seldom mean what you
 say, thus adding to the whole affair. One thing can be done by writing that
 can't be done in any other way, and that is that you can write yourself
 right out of your reputation when you write.
%%
Think naught a trifle, though it small appear;
Small sands the mountain, moments make the year,
And trifles life.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire vi, Line 208
%%
Think not disdainfully of death, but look on it with favour; for even
death is one of the things that Nature wills.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ix, 3
%%
Think not forever of yourselves, O Chiefs, nor of your own generation.
 Think of continuing generations of our families, think of our grandchildren
and of those yet unborn, whose faces are coming from beneath the ground.
 -- Peacemaker, founder of the Iroquois Confederacy, (ca. 1000 AD)
%%
Think not that thy word and thine alone must be right.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Antigone, 706
%%
Think of doubt as an invitation to think.
%%
Think of ease, but work on.
 -- English Proverb
%%
Think of everyone as a idiot.
 -- MA Driving #1
%%
Think of how much fun you could have with the doctor's wife and a
bucket of apples.
%%
Think of it as an electronic joy-buzzer for your mind.
%%
Think of something, if it's really weird somebody probably did it.
%%
Think of that, Master Brook.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
Think of the magic of that foot, comparatively small, upon which your whole
 weight rests. It's a miracle, and the dance ... is a celebration of that
 miracle.
 -- Martha Graham
%%
Think of the poorest person you have ever seen
and ask if your next act will be of any use to him
 -- Gandhi's epitaph
%%
Think of what others ought to be like, then start being like that yourself.
%%
Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists;
 life would be one long Congressional Record.
 -- Tom Masson
%%
Think of your ancestors and your posterity.
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD)
 -- Agricola, 32
%%
Think of your family tonight.
 Try to crawl home after the computer crashes.
%%
Think of your forefathers! Think of your posterity!
 -- John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
 -- Speech at Plymouth, Dec. 22, 1802
%%
Think on this doctrine,--that reasoning beings were created for one
another's sake; that to be patient is a branch of justice, and that
men sin without intending it.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 3
%%
THINK! or THWIM!
%%
:thinko: /thing'koh/ [by analogy with `typo'] n. A momentary,
   correctable glitch in mental processing, especially one involving
   recall of information learned by rote; a bubble in the stream of
   consciousness.  Syn. {braino}; see also {brain fart}.
   Compare {mouso}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Thinks a Perot is better than a Bush.
%%
Thinks at 5 baud.
%%
Thinks cellular phones are carbon-based life forms.
%%
Thinks E=MC^2 is a rap star.
%%
Thinks he's worth.
%%
Think sideways!
 -- Edward De Bono
%%
thinks in lower case and types accordingly.
%%
Thinks Moby Dick is a kind of venereal disease.
%%
Thinks, or doesn't.
%%
Think'st thou existence doth depend on time?
It doth; but actions are our epochs.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Manfred, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Think that day lost whose low descending sun Views from thy hand
no noble action done.
 -- Jacob Bobart
%%
Think. Think think. Think said Pooh, and got a headache.
%%
Think twice before speaking.  But don't say "think think click click".
%%
Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
    Think until it hurts.
 -- Roy Thomson
%%
Think! While it is still legal!
%%
Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.
 -- Doris Lessing
%%
Think you can hold off a vampire with a sunlamp?
%%
Think you I am no stronger than my sex,
Being so father'd and so husbanded?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Think you, if Laura had been Petrarch's Wife,
he would have written Sonnets all his life?
 -- Byron
%%
Think you're confused now ? Try using EZ-Reader w/ EDLIN!
%%
Think you're confused?  Wait until I explain it.
%%
Thinly sliced cabbage.
 -- Cole's Law
%%
Thin may be in, but fat's where it's at!
%%
Third (base) ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Third of Five, six of one, half a dozen of the other.
%%
Thirsty bastard...thirsty barking bastard...
 -- Edmund to Spaniard : Chains
%%
Thirteen at a table is unlucky only when the hostess has only twelve chops.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Thirteen times this year I die
Endless is the course I ply,
Who or what am I?
[The moon]
%%
Thirty cents short of a quarter.
%%
Thirty days hath November,
April, June, and September,
February hath twenty-eight alone,
And all the rest have thirty-one.
 -- Richard Grafton, 1562
[Trenta di' conta Novembre,
con April, Giugno e Settembre.
Di ventotto ce n'e' uno,
tutti gli altri ne han trentuno.]
 -- Italian proverb
%%
Thirty days hath Septober,
April, June, and no wonder.
all the rest have peanut butter
except my father who wears red suspenders.
%%
...thirty-nine are mad.
Well, they sound ideal.
They would be if they hadn't all got married last week in Munich
  to the same horse.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Amy and Amiability
%%
Thirty seconds on the evening news is worth a front page Headline
in every newspaper in the world.
 -- Edwin Guthman
%%
This ain't as good as sex---but it's safer!
%%
This ain't no technological breakdown. This is the road to hell.
%%
This ain't no upwardly mobile freeway. This is the road to hell.
%%
This and a great deal more like it I have had to put up with.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Act iv, Sc. 6, 8, (746.)
%%
 This answering machine message is for all you psychics out
 there...  (Long silence...)  BEEP
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
This are my opinions, but you too can have 'em for 5 dollars.
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
This article says our congressman has taken money under the table. His name
 has been linked romantically with a lot of different ladies, and he enjoys
 a frequent nip. I'd say he's doing a terrific job representing my
 interests!
 -- Thaves ("Frank and Ernest")
%%
This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD...  He's so..so.....URGENT!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
/*
 * this atrocity is necessary on SPARC because registers modified
 * by the child get propagated back to the parent via the window
 * save/restore mechanism.
 */
 -- SunOS 4.0 vfork.h
%%
This baby's got a few surprises left in her, sweetheart.
 -- Han Solo.
%%
This bank-note world.
 -- Fitz-Greene Halleck (1790-1867)
 -- Alnwick Castle
%%
This BAUD'S for You.
%%
This BBS has achieved Air superiority.
%%
This BBS is ancient.  Some say from the echocene.
%%
This Being of mine, whatever it really is, consists of a little flesh,
a little breath, and the part which governs.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 2
%%
This bill goes to the very heart of the moral fiber of human anatomy.
%%
This bold bad man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
This book fills a much-needed gap.
 -- Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a book review
%%
This bowling ball is not human; it can't be reasoned with!
%%
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
This building is so high, the elevator shows movies.
%%
This button boldly goes where no button has gone before.
%%
This button goes to the next person who buys me a drink.
%%
This button has been brought to you by the language 'C'
and the letter 'F'.
%%
This button is cursed. As you read you will be confuset
by ther printeb wertz. Yer intellijenc wil vabni...xrt! xrt!
%%
This button isn't really very witty and it runs on and
on and you'd probably be much happier reading some other
button. Most of them aren't half as depressing as this one.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
%%
This calls for a celebration.
%%
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme
 violence.
 -- Vivian, "The Young Ones"
%%
:This can't happen: Less clipped variant of {can't happen}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
This car only needs _minor_ repairs ...
%%
This castle hath a pleasant seat; the air
Nimbly and sweetly recommends itself
Unto our gentle senses.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 6
%%
This Charlie Brown must have been a very wise man.
%%
This child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth.  Now what
  do you suggest we do?  Spank it?
 -- McCoy,  "The Motion Picture,"  stardate 7411.4.
%%
This child is not mine as the first was;
  I cannot sing it to rest;
I cannot lift it up fatherly,
  And bless it upon my breast.

Yet it lies in my little one's cradle,
  And sits in my little one's chair,
And the light of the heaven she 's gone to
  Transfigures its golden hair.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Changeling
%%
This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets
 are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood, and when the
 drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown.
 -- Rorschach's Journal, The Watchmen
%%
This communication link monitored by your Sysop.
%%
This computer hardware has the following ratings:
 20 Mhs   - (20 Million Hurts / Second)
 50 DIPS   - (50 Dozen Instructions Per Second)
 400 MBOPS - (Million Botched Operations Per Second)
%%
This computer is:
a) not smart enough to be artificially intelligent; and
b) not stupid enough to be a dumb terminal.
%%
This computer is subject to breakdowns during periods of critical need.
%%
This computer is taking over my life!!!!
%%
This computer utilizes the new EUNUCHS hardware and operating system.
(Extremely Useless, Never Up, Computer Hardware Softwre system)
%%
This computer will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms
industry is now in the American experience... We must not fail to
comprehend its grave implications... We must guard against the
acquisition of unwarranted influence...by the military-industrial
complex.  The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power
exists and will persist.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, from his farewell address in 1961
%%
This contract doesn't include a Sanity Clause. Everyone knows, there ain't no
Sanity Clause.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
This cookie has no hidden meaning.
%%
This Cookie is inoperative.  Please try another.
%%
"This cookie sucks" - "Shut up Beavis!  It gets cool in a minute".
%%
This cookie will soon appear as a Bantam paperback.
%%
This cordial julep here,
That flames and dances in his crystal bounds.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 672
%%
This could be the greatest night of our lives--but you're going to let
 it be the worst!
 -- John Blutarski
%%
This could but have happened once,--
  And we missed it, lost it forever.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Youth and Art, xvii
%%
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as
  when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
 -- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
%%
This country has turned into Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched.
%%
This country needs as many Scouters as it can get.
%%
This country was built on freedom not socialism.
%%
This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in
unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit.
Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing Government, they can
exercise their constitutional right of amending it,
or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
   This cowboy looked at me and said
   With a sort of a smile,
   A sorry hand is in the way all the time,
     A good one just once in awhile.

 -- Cowgirl poet Georgie Sicking
%%
This cultural mystique surrounding the biological function --
  you realize humans are overly preoccupied with the subject.
 -- Kelinda the Kelvan, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4658.9.
%%
This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
This dead of midnight is the noon of thought,
And Wisdom mounts her zenith with the stars.
 -- Mrs. Barbauld (1743-1825)
 -- A Summer's Evening Meditation
%%
This deal keeps getting worse all the time.
 -- Landau Calrissian
%%
This defecation of character must cease.
%%
THIS definitely takes, eats and shits the cake.
%%
This demonstrates the value of not being seen.
%%
This discussion is hanging by a thread.
%%
This dish of meat is too good for any but anglers, or very honest men.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 8
%%
This document does not constitute an offer to sell nor a desire to purchase.
%%
This does not exist.
%%
This drunk in the movie theater was lying across the seat, going, "Uhh,
 uhh." And the usher says, "Cut the racket, will ya? Sit up in your seat."

 And the drunk just goes, "Uhh, uhh." And the manager can't move him. So
 they get a policeman. Cop says, "All right, sit up in your seat there or
 leave the theater. Stop making all this noise. What do you mean behaving
 like this? What kind of behavior do you call this? Where are you from,
 anyway?" Drunk says, "I'm from the balcony. Uhhhh. Uhhhhh. Uhhhhh ..."
 -- Adam Keefe
%%
This earth that bears thee dead
Bears not alive so stout a gentleman.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
This echo has been inspected by the Cardassian Customs Service.
%%
This echo has been inspected by the Ferengi Trading Board.
%%
This echo has been inspected by the Klingon Customs Service.
%%
This echo is completely uncontaminated by cheese.
%%
This echo is so boring, Kilroy wasn't even here.
%%
This echo just gets weirder and weirder.  Oh wait.  That's me.
%%
This election is about who's going to be the next President of the
United States!
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/2/88, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
This Embassy is United States territory.  Nobody can be dragged
away and shot without the written consent of the American government.
 -- Woody Allen, "Don't Drink the Water"
%%
This England never did, nor never shall,
Lie at the proud foot of a conqueror.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act v, Sc. 7
%%
This expression of ours, "Father of a family."
 -- Pliny the Younger (61-105 AD)
 -- Letters, Book v, Letter xix, 2
%%
This famine has a sharp and meagre face; 'Tis death in an undress
of skin and bone, Where age and youth, their landmark ta'en away,
Look all one common sorrow.
 -- Dryden
%%
This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it.  He's doomed.
 -- Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast
%%
This fellow is wise enough to play the fool; and, to do that well,
craves a kind of wit.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
This fell sergeant, death,
Is strict in his arrest.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
This file's too embarrassed to unzip;  Sorry.
%%
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
This finance magazine says most Americans don't plan for a rainy day. Of
 course we do. We just plan to get wet.
 -- Mark Cullum
%%
This fix should only take a minute...
%%
This flea which I have in mine ear.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iii, Chap. xxxi
%%
This flour of wifly patience.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Clerkes Tale, Part v, Line 8797
%%
This fortune cookie program out of order.
%%
This fortune cookie program out of order.  For those in desperate need,
please use the program randchar.            This program generates random
characters, and, given enough time, will undoubtedly come up with
something profound.  It will, however, take it no time at all to be
more profound than THIS program has ever been.
%%
This fortune could not be printed: Too much memory requested.
%%
[This fortune deleted due to painfully extreme insipidity.]
%%
This fortune every third, but it still comprehensible.
%%
This fortune intentionally left vague.
%%
This fortune intentionally not included.
%%
This fortune intentionally says nothing.
%%
This fortune is dedicated to your mother, without whose
invaluable assistance last night would never have been possible.
%%
This fortune is encrypted - get your decoder rings ready!
%%
This fortune is self-explanatory, once you understand it.
%%
This fortune is self-referential in the second degree:
it refers to the fact that it refers to itself.
%%
This fortune makes a prediction so vague that you will not be certain
whether or not it has been fulfilled.
%%
This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
%%
This fortune will not come true.
%%
This fortune will self destruct in 5 years.
%%
This function is occasionally useful as an argument to other functions
which require functions as arguments.
 -- Guy Steele Jr. CLTL
%%
This game is exceedingly simple.
 -- Data
%%
This generation may be the one that will face Armageddon.
 -- Ronald W. Reagan, "People" magazine, December 26, 1985
%%
This goin' ware glory waits ye haint one agreeable feetur.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. ii
%%
This goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this
most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament,
this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appears no
other thing to me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.
What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason! how infinite in
faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how
like an angel! in apprehension how like a god!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
This grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is
never all dried at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor ever rising.
Eternal sunrise, eternal sunset, eternal dawn and gloaming, on seas and
continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
This grief is crowned with consolation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
This gum tastes funny.
 -- found written on a condom machine
%%
This gun shoots backwards ... I've just killed myself.
 -- Woody Allen, "Casino Royale"
%%
This guy comes over to my house and says, "I want to read your
gas meter."  I said, "Whatever happened to the classics?"
 -- Emo Philips
%%
This guy has blown me off for the last time.
 -- Geordi
%%
This guy sitting in the plane is joined by his seatmate, who begins
 immediately to heave gigantic, obviously depressed sighs.
 --"What's the problem, are you ill?"
 --"No, I'm going to Miami (or L.A.)"
 --"So, there's no reason to be sighing like that; we're ALL going to Miami
 on this plane."
 --"No, no, you don't understand. I just hate to go to Miami; there's so much
 tension there: rioting, looting, crime in the streets. I just hate to go to
 Miami!!"
 --"I have no idea what you're talking about. I live in Miami, I work there,
 I love my work, and I have no problem with crime."
 --"Well, what do you do?"
 --"I'm a tail gunner on a Merita Bread Truck."
%%
This guy was puffing his cigar in my petite flower face! So I said, "If I
 wanted to shorten my life--I'd date ya!"
 -- Judy Tenuta
%%
This hand, to tyrants ever sworn the foe,
For Freedom only deals the deadly blow;
Then sheathes in calm repose the vengeful blade,
For gentle peace in Freedom's hallowed shade.
 -- John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
 -- Written in an Album, 1842
%%
This hand to tyrants...this finger to Bill and Hillary!!!
%%
This has been an EIB post. Excellence In Bbsing!
%%
This has been a recording.
%%
This has been a remarkably successful week.
%%
This here's the wattle
The emblem of our land
You can stick it in a bottle
Or you can hold it in your hand.
 -- Monty Python
%%
This hitteth the naile on the hed.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
This hitteth the nail on the head.
 -- J. Heywood (1597-1580)
%%
This hobby is as addictive as heroin, no question about it.
%%
This house is to be let for life or years;
Her rent is sorrow, and her income tears.
Cupid, 't has long stood void; her bills make known,
She must be dearly let, or let alone.
 -- Francis Quarles (1592-1644)
 -- Emblems, Book ii, Emblem 10, Ep. 10
%%
This huge writting was designed by Gerard, no autographs please!!
%%
This, incidently, works great if you're color blind.
[probabability of picking a red or green marble.]
%%
This information fills a much needed gap.
%%
This instrument [T.V.] can teach, inform, and even enlighten. But only
    as far as humans are willing to use it to those ends.
 -- Edward R. Murrow
%%
 This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria.  It's not
 the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here.  You
 can leave a message though.
 -- Answering machine madness - miscellaneous
%%
THIS IS 911...To report fire press 1, burglary press 2, rape press 3,...
%%
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT:
In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact
Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
%%
This is a 1st Reader Tagline. Please do *NOT* tag here.
%%
This is a baby sig that someday hopes to grow up to be a big, powerful and
 funny sig.
 --  d_kenned@oz.plymouth.edu
%%
 This is a boring answering machine message.  Leave a message
 anyway.  (Useful to keep people from calling at odd hours to
 hear your latest exciting message.)
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
This is about as optimistic a realist can get....
%%
This is a BRAG line, and I'm proud of it!
%%
This is a bug.  I have told my manager that it is a bug.  He doesn't seem
to care.  Today is my last day at IBM, and I don't care either.
 -- Comment seen in some source code.
%%
This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall.
%%
This is a celebration of individual freedom, not of homosexuality. No
government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The
only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Gay Olympics, 1982
%%
This is a chain-tagline. I've been stolen 98372 times.
%%
This is a CONFERENCE - not a podium.
%%
This is a confidential tagline.
%%
 ________________________________________________
/THIS IS A COOKIE FROM THE GOOD OLD TIME!        |
| OO  O  O O   OO O     OO O  O   O  O O         |
|           OOO    OOO      OO  OO    O          |
|O  O  O               O            O   O        |
|11111111 111111111111111111111111111111111111111|
|222 22 222222 2222222222222222222222222222222222|
| 333333333 33333333333 333333333 33 333333333333|
|44444444444444444444 44444444 444 444 4444444444|
|555555555555555 55555555 5555555555555 555555555|
|66666666666  6666 6 6666666  66 6666666666666666|
|77777777777777777777777777 777777777777 77777777|
|8 8888888888888888 8888 888888888888888 88888888|
|99 99 99999999 999999999999999999999 99999999999|
|________________________________________________|
%%
This is a copy of a completely original tagline .
%%
This is a costume. I'm a homicidal maniac--they look
just like everyone else.
%%
This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
 regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
%%
This is a crude version of a more advanced utility that has never been written.
 -- From the X-windows xwud(1) man-page
%%
This is addictive, I've got to read more...
%%
This is a delicious evening, when the body is one sense, and imbibes delight
through every pore.
 -- Thoreau
%%
>This is a duplicate article, and old as hell...now, who could be doing this???

Somebody along the line fucked up.
 -- Spenser Aden
%%
This is a experimental Tagline. Press return to fire...
%%
This is a Ferengi Tagline.  You owe me 500 credits for reading it!
%%
This is a good time to punt work.
%%
This is a hell of a time for a walk in the park.
 -- Geordi
%%
This is a hired computer. Our CRAY-1 is at the analyst's.
%%
This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT
DOG.
 -- Bob Violence
%%
 This is Alan.  Leave me a message and tell me what I can do
 to...  I mean, do FOR you.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
This is all a modem-induced hallucination.
%%
This is all your fault, Artoo. -See Threepio
 -- ...understanding Responsibility....
%%
This is almost (but not quite) as bad as bumper stickers.
%%
This is a Lorena Bobbitt Tagline. It can be cut in half!
%%
This is a message to all the cute people in the world.  If you are
cute, if you are even beautiful, listen: there are more people like us
ugly motherfuckers than you, so watch out...
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
This is an asterisk *! This is an asterisk on drugs @! Any questions?
%%
This is an ATM: Press [ALT-H] for $50, or Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] for $100.
%%
...this is an awesome sight.  The entire rebel resistance buried under six
million hardbound copies of The Naked Lunch.
 -- The Firesign Theater
%%
This is an egg.  This is a frying pan.  Any questions?
%%
This is a new low in popular culture.
%%
This is a new ship, boy, but she's got the right name. Now you remember
that, you hear?
"I will, sir."
You treat her like a lady. She'll always bring you home.
 -- McCoy and Data about the Enterprise,
 -- "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
This is an IBM Manual scroll. --More--
%%
This is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up, RIGHT?
%%
This is a nightmare. I'm on the run from the fascist police with a
murderer, a mass murderer and a man in a bri-nylon shirt. A piece of
flotsam, jetsam human wreckage sputum bag who smells like a Yak latrine.
And now my best flashing mac' is about to be splattered with an androids
brain. I'm after you with the gun.
 -- Rimmer in Red Dwarf 'Back to Reality'
%%
This is an impatient baby.
 -- Pulaski.
%%
This is an MX missile, the most powerful weapon system known
 to mankind.   It can deliver 10 300+ KT warheads to an area the
 size of your patio. It could blow you silo clean to hell.  Now in
 all this confusion, I forgot whether you got all 50 or only 40.
 You should be asking yourself one question, and the question is ,
 do you feel lucky?  Well do ya, PUNK?
 (apologies to Clint...)
%%
This is an offense-optional message.
%%
This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
This is an operating table, and I am the surgeon.
%%
This is another fine myth you've gotten me into!!!
 -- Lor L. and Har D.
%%
This is another manually entered tagline for those interested.... This
%%
 This is Anthony.  Leave me a message at the beep.  (beep)
 Whoops, I bet you couldn't hear that.  Lemme try again.  (Beep)
 Nuts, once more with feeling...
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
%%
This is an unprecedented incident but we do know it has happened before.
%%
This is a one line proof...if we start sufficiently far to the left.
 -- Cambridge University Math Department
%%
This is a parapsychic tagline....
%%
This is a picture of the British High Command at the beginning of
World War I.   These aren't evil men -- some of them aren't even
stupid.
 --  G. Dyer, in _WAR_
%%
This is a positronic brain on drugs. <*CRACKLE*> Any questions?
%%
This is a _professional_ relationship.
%%
This is a really stupid palindromemordnilap diputs yllaer a si sihT
%%
This is a recorded announcement, as I'm afraid we're all out at the moment. The
commercial council of Magrathea thanks you for you esteemed visit, but regrets
that the entire planet is temporarily closed for business. Thank you. If you
would care to leave you name and the address of a planet where you can be
contacted, kindly speak when you hear the tone.
%%
This is a recording.
%%
This is a revolution, damn it!  We're going to
have to offend SOMEbody!
 -- John Adams (1735-1826), 1776
%%
This is a ROARshock test.
%%
This is a sample Tagline. If it were real, it would be funny!
%%
This is a sample Tagline. Ignore it.
%%
This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
%%
This is a Session Manager promo.
%%
This is a shareware button. If you have been amused by
what you have just read, please give me one dollar.
%%
This is a song called King Kong.  Its about a giant gorilla who
 was living in the jungle and doing allright until some American's
 found him and thought that they would take him home with them.
 They brought the giant ape back to the United States and used
 him to make money.  Then, they killed him.
 -- Introduction to King Kong, Frank Zappa
%%
This Is A Stephen King Nation, Not A Robert Heinlein Nation.
%%
This is a stick-up! Fax me all your money!!
%%
This is a stolen tagline.
%%
This is as true in everyday life as it is in battle:  we are given
one life and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances
to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live.
 -- General Omar Bradley
%%
This is a tag line requires no thought.
%%
This is a Tagline.  TH!$ iz @ tA%\in# on ?rug$.
%%
This is a tale of boundaries, and the people who cross them.
 -- Alan Pope
%%
This is a temporary tagline.....
%%
This is a test.
For the next sixty seconds, this station will conduct a test
of the Emergency Broadcast System.  The broadcasters in your
area, in cooperation with the FCC and local authorities, have
devised this system in order to keep you informed in the event
of an emergency.  Had this been an actual emergency, you would
have been instructed where to turn, in your area, for news
and official information.  This is only a test.
%%
This is a test. Had it been an actual attack, the
warning system wouldn't have worked.
%%
This is a test.
Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you
would not have been informed.
%%
This is a test, If this were an actual conspiracy....
%%
This is a test of the EBS. This is ONLY a test.
%%
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.
Had there been an actual emergency, then you would no longer be here.
%%
This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.   If this had been an
actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
%%
This is a TEST, of the EMERGENCY Tagline agency.
%%
This is a test signature file.  If this had been a real signature file, you
would have been directed to the nearest signature shelter.
%%
This is a test tag.
%%
 This is a test.  This is a test of the Answering Machine
 Broadcast System.  This is only a test.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
This is a thing. And things can be replaced, lives cannot.
 -- Data to Gosheven, "The Ensigns of Command", stardate unknown
%%
This is a Tribble -> * This is a Tribble on drugs -> +  Any questions?
%%
This is a Unix system. I can do this easy.
 -- Lex, Jurassic Park
%%
This is a very strange room. There is a rustling sound off
to to one side.
%%
This is a wise maxim, "to take warning from others of what may be
to your own advantage."
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act i, Sc. 2, 36, (210.)
%%
This is a work-free smoke-place.
%%
Thisisazippedtagline.
%%
This is Betty Frenel.  I don't know who to call but I can't
reach my Food-a-holics partner.  I'm at Vido's on my second
pizza, with sausage and mushroom.  Jim, come and get me!
%%
This is Borg. [ESC] is futile. [CTRL] is inevitable.
%%
This is by far the largest group of radio and television correspondents
ever assembled this far from a Los Angeles courtroom.
 -- President Clinton, surveying the crowd of 1,600
 -- at the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner (3/20/95).
%%
This is Cal dog and his Worthington Spot on drugs.
%%
This is Captain William Riker of the Klingon vessel PAGH. I order you
  to lower your shields and surrender.
 -- Riker to the ENTERPRISE, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
This is clearly another case of too many
 mad scientists and not enough hunchbacks.
%%
 This is Clovis' answering machine.  Clovis is committing sodomy
 right now.  Please call back in an hour, when, I regret to
 inform you, you may receive the same message.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
 This is David.  Talk to me.
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
This is DEFINITIVELY not a tagline.
%%
 This is Dr. Ruth, Sexually Speaking, you're on the air...
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
This is Elvis. Any messages for me?
%%
This is Ercles' vein.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
This is every Cook's opinion, No savoury dish without an onion
 -- Swift
%%
This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when
they're in trouble And I am not.
 -- A. E. Housman
%%
This is fortune #300. Understand it?
%%
 This is Frank.  You can leave me a message, but I must warn you
 I get annoyed with messages that are hard to read.  So please
 use your shift key appropriately, avoid overdoing punctuation,
 and spell-check your message, or I might ignore it.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 This is Fred.  We are not...  excuse me a moment, please.  Put
 your sister down.  PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN!  (Sound of window
 breaking.)  Great!  What a mess.  I'll have to get back to you
 later.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
This is from WGIR this morning - an unidentified caller mentioned he had taken
his own "unofficial" poll this morning by counting those election signs people
set up in their yards at primary time.
    He figures the winner will be "For Sale".
%%
This is getting on my nerves...now that I have them.
 -- Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
This is getting out of hand!  We should seek GROUPer therapy!
%%
This is going to be Art's greatest moment since Mona Lisa sat down and
  told Leonardo Da Vinci that she was in a slightly odd mood...
 -- Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
This is grain which any fool can eat but for which God intended a more divine
means of consumption.  Let us give praise to our Maker and glory to his bounty
by learning about... BEER.
 -- Friar Tuck from Robin Hood.
%%
This is gross ... My Aunt Velveeta lets that stupid dog of hers sit right
 next to her in the dining room. And when she gets done eating, she will
 take her plate and let that dog lick it clean right at the table! Then
 she'll put some Poli-Grip on it and slip it right back in her mouth.
 -- Heywood Banks
%%
This is heavy stuff for a Thursday!
%%
This is home - This is mean street
%%
This is hopeless, fighting would be preferable.
 -- Worf, "The Ensigns of Command", stardate unknown
%%
This is incredible!
%%
This is incredible.
"You see something here Q?"
I think I just hurt my back. I'm feeling pain. I don't like it. What's the
  proper thing to say, 'Ow'?
"Ow."
OW! I can't straighten up.
 -- Q and Geordi, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
 This is Jeff, you're not in now, so I'll leave a message.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone leave your name and message; I'll get back to you.
%%
This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is.
%%
This is just an informational message, please do not respond.
%%
This is largely as I predicted, except the Silly Party won.
%%
This is lemma 1.1.   We start a new chapter so the numbers all go back
to one.
 -- Prof. Seager, C&O 351
%%
This is like a zoo...where they keep cool people. huh huh huh.
%%
This is living, not to live unto oneself alone.
 -- Menander
%%
This is loneliness?  What a bitter thing ... it's so sad.  How do you
  bare it, this loneliness?
 -- Commissioner Nancy Hedford/The Companion, "Metamorphosis,"
       stardate 3220.3.
%%
This is Madame Olga. I see all
and know all. To whom am I speaking?
%%
This is Maria, Liberty Bail Bonds.  Your client, Todd Lieman,
skipped out and his bail is forfeit.  That's the pink slip on
your '74 Firebird, I believe.  Sorry, Jim, bring it on over.
%%
This is Marion Barry--<plop<--on drugs.
%%
This is meaningless ...
%%
This is miching mallecho; it means mischief.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
This is mine; that's mine,[etc.]; I'm claiming all this as mine ...
except that bit.  I don't want that bit.  But all the rest of this is
mine!  Hey, this has been a good day!  I've eaten five times, I've
slept six times, and I made a lot of things mine!  Tomorrow I'm going
to see if I can have sex with something!
 -- Cat in Red Dwarf 'Confidence and Paranoia'
%%
This is more exciting than Woody Allen on Valium.
%%
This is more fun than watching cartoons!!
%%
This is my all time best lucky find I ever found in the whole of today
%%
This is my brain... This is... WAIT!  WHERE'S MY BRAIN!??
%%
This is my chosen fast: to loosen all the bonds that bind men unfairly,
to let the oppressed go free, to break every yoke. Share your bread
with the hungry, take the homeless into your home. Clothe the naked
when you see him, do not turn away from people in need. . . . If you
remove from your midst the yoke of oppression, the finger of scorn
and the tongue of malice, if you put yourself out for the hungry and
relieve the wretched, then shall your light shine in darkness, and
your gloom shall be as noonday. . . . And you shall be like a watered
garden, like a never-failing spring. And you shall rebuild ancient
ruins, restoring old foundations. You shall be known as the rebuilder
of broken walls, the restorer of dwelling places.
 -- Book of Isaiah
%%
This is my death ... and it will profit me to understand it.
 -- Anne Sexton
%%
This is my impression of a bowling ball...[drags the mike along the
floor, then lifts it]...gutter...
 -- Stephen Wright
%%
This is MY mail and I speak for MYSELF ONLY! - got it?
 -- DISCLAIMER
%%
This is my security chief, Lt. Worf.
I don't suppose security is much of a problem for you.
 -- Picard and Danilo O'Dell, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
This is my steakhouse.
%%
This is my tagline and you can't have it.
%%
This is my tag, there're many like it, this one is mine.
%%
This is MY universe and I'm SICK of people BARGING IN!
%%
This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
%%
This is National Smokers-Are-Shits Week.
%%
This is no game for old men! Send in the boys!
 -- W. Hayes
%%
This is no ordinary fool you're dealing with.
%%
This is not a bipartisan issue.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle noting that Democrats
                   and political independents join Republicans in
                   endorsing term limits, while speaking before supporters
                   of term-limitation proposals in 15 states, 8/20/92
                   (reported in the NY Times, 8/21/92)
%%
This is not a bootstrap process of stiffening the upper lip and digging into
unwanted independence, as some would have it.
%%
This is *not* a FIDO tag line.  WOOF!! WOOF! GRRrrrr...
%%
This is not a Klingon ship, sir.
No, Commander, it is not. If it were a Klingon ship, I would have killed
  you for offering your suggestion.
 -- Riker and Kurn, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
This is not an abandoned vehicle.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
 This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic
 thought-recording device.  After the tone, think about your
 name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach
 you, and I'll think about returning your call.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
This is not a news blackout, I just can't tell you anything.
%%
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.  It should be thrown
 with great force.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
This is not a pre-made tagline from SLMR.
%%
This is not a ship of war, this is a ship of peace.
 -- Guinan to Picard about the ENTERPRISE, "Yesterday's Enterprise",
       stardate 43625.2
%%
This is not a tag line, just an illusion.
%%
This is NOT Burger King.  You do not get it YOUR way.
%%
This is not food, but an escape kit!
Good Lord! With a saw, a hammer, a chisel, a gun, a change of clothes,
  a Swiss passport and a huge false moustache, I might just stand
  a chance!
...Ah.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
This is not fun. I had fun once, and it wasn't like this!
%%
This is nothing but a consistently pathological display of inconsistent
consistencies.
%%
This is no time for consensus government.  It's a time for leadership.  The
average citizen doesn't know what the stakes are in Vietnam.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon, February 11, 1965
%%
This is no time for ease and comfort.
It is the time to dare and endure.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
This is no time for moderation.
%%
This is no time to act like a gentleman.   I am a cad and shall react
like one.
 -- George Sanders
%%
This is no time to make new enemies.
 -- Voltaire, when asked on his deathbed to forswear Satan.
%%
This is not my homeworld!
%%
This is not really a convention, it's just the normal way of doing things.
%%
This is not Socialism - This is Bolshevism run mad!
%%
This is not the time for an emotional response.
 -- President George Bush, one day after the Tiananmen Square massacre
%%
This is not thought control.  Think about it!
%%
This is not what I signed up for!!!
 -- Kira
%%
This is not what you think.
%%
This is not your world, human. You do not command here.
"I'm not here to command."
Then you must be ready to fight. Something Starfleet does not teach you.
"You may test that assumption at your convenience."
 -- Duras and Picard, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
This is now.  Later is later.
%%
This isn't a holodeck, darling, this is real.
 -- O'Brien
%%
This isn't all true.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
This isn't a man who is leaving with his head between his legs
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing John Sununu's
                   resignation and apparent lack of flexibility, 12/6/91
%%
This isn't Anarchy, this is Chaos.
%%
This isn't an argument, it's only contradiction!
 ....No, it isn't.      Yes, it is!    No, it ISN'T!    Yes, it IS!
%%
This isn't a tagline, but it plays one on TV.
%%
This isn't blank, so it can't go anywhere.
%%
This isn't Earth.   This isn't real wood, it's some kind of
   artificial material, like plastic.  These aren't real trees,
   and you're not the real Sarah!
 -- Doctor 4, THE ANDROID INVASION
%%
This isn't hell, but I can see it from here.
%%
This isn't hell.  This is where you get sent when
you've been bad in hell.
%%
This isn't ME talking, it's what the research shows
 -- Dale W. Lick
%%
This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.
 -- Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague
%%
"This isn't science fiction.  This is Star Trek!"
 -- Sheila Willis
%%
This isn't the kind of place where excitement abounds.
%%
This is obvious. But don't look at it too carefully, or it becomes unobvious,
until you look at it for a long time when it becomes obvious again.
%%
This is, of course, totally uninformed speculation that I engage in to help
support my bias against such meddling... but there you have it.
 -- Peter da Silva, speculating about why a computer program that
 -- had been changed to do something he didn't approve of, didn't work
%%
This is one American Marine who will always tell the truth, Sir.
 -- Ollie North
%%
This is one of my most creative periods ever.
%%
>>>>This is only a test. Please ignore this message. Thanks.
 >>> This is only a reply. Please ignore this reply. Thanks.
 >> This is only a follow up. Please ignore this follow up. Thanks.
 > This is only a follow up to the follow up. Please ignore this follow up
 > to the follow up. Thanks
 Piss off. Please don't ignore. Thanks.
%%
This is our security officer Mr Worf. Would you like to beat him up?
%%
This is patently absurd; but whoever wishes to become a philosopher
must learn not to be frightened by absurdities.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
THIS IS PLEDGE WEEK FOR THE FORTUNE PROGRAM.
%%
This is pretty exciting for a Thursday!!
%%
This is probably the wrong conference for this message!
%%
>>> >This is revisionist history.
>>> This is crap.
>>This is a lie.
>This is boring.

This is USENET...

 -- Hank Bovis (hb@Virginia.EDU),
    other attributions removed to protect the guilty
%%
This is rigorous.  Well, it's rigorous in the sense that ... All right,
 it's not rigorous.
%%
This is terrific, Nelson's Column has gone, McDonald's has gone, all that's
left is me and the words Mostly Harmless.  Any second now all that will be
left is Mostly Harmless.  And yesterday the planet seemed to be going so well.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
This is the Baron.  Angel Martin tells me you buy information.
Ok, meet me at one a.m. behind the bus depot, bring five hundred
dollars, and come alone.  I'm serious!
%%
This is the beginning of the end.
 -- Talleyrand
%%
This is the best book ever written by any man on the wrong side of a
question of which he is profoundly ignorant.
 -- Thomas Babington Macaulay (1800-1859)
%%
This is the best tagline in the known universe.
%%
This is the biggest fool thing we have ever done.
The (atom) bomb will never go off and I speak as an expert of explosives.
 -- Admiral Leahy, US Navy, June 1945
%%
This is the castle of my master, Dweezil Water!
%%
This is the curse of every evil deed That, propagating still, it
brings forth evil.
 -- Southey
%%
This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs:  they are foreign and
 will not always conform to our whim.
 -- James Reston
%%
This is the first numerical problem I ever did.  It demonstrates the
power of computers:

Enter lots of data on calorie & nutritive content of foods.  Instruct
the thing to maximize a function describing nutritive content, with a
minimum level of each component, for fixed caloric content.  The
results are that one should eat each day:

      1/2 chicken
   1 egg
 1 glass of skim milk
  27 heads of lettuce.
 -- Rev. Adrian Melott
%%
This is the forest primeval.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Evangeline, Part i
%%
This is the fourth?
 -- Thomas Jefferson, 4 July 1826, Last Words
%%
This is the Fourth?
 -- Thomas Jefferson, last words (July 4, 1826)
%%
This is the hardest part about meeting a daily deadline...coming up
with a good excuse for being late...
 -- Jeff McNelly, "Shoe"
%%
This is _the_ Jane Harrington?
(with pride) Yes!
Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington?
 -- Edmund and Percy : Bells
%%
This is the last of earth! I am content.
 -- John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
 -- His Last Words, Feb. 21, 1848
%%
This is the LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
%%
This is the Leprechaun Law: every purse has a price.
%%
This is the life.   To be young, stupid, and have no future at all.  I love
 Brooklyn!
 -- Dan Akyroyd, Samurai Night Fever, Saturday Night Live
%%
 This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline.  After the tone, leave
 your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's
 vocabulary word.  Today's word is "supercilious".
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
This is the most unprofessional production I've   ever worked on!
Nobody knows where they're going, or what they're doing, except, of
course, for *ME*
 -- Steve
 -- The Wizard of Speed and Time
%%
This is the night
That either makes me or fordoes me quite.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
This is the part where Scott's head explodes.
 -- SLR
%%
This is the PC-Addicts echo, all members are committed!
%%
This is the place. Stand still, my steed,--
  Let me review the scene,
And summon from the shadowy past
  The forms that once have been.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- A Gleam of Sunshine
%%
This is the porcelain clay of humankind.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Don Sebastian, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
This is the result of too many lost clusters!
%%
This is the same guy who lost $50 on the Super Bowl game - $25 on the
game, and $25 more on the rebroadcast.
%%
This is the short and the long of it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
This is the simple form. [pause] Well, it's simple in the sense that it leaves
 out all the really important bits.
%%
This is the sort of English with which I will not put.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody
Anybody and Nobody.  There was an important job to be done
and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.  Anybody
could have done it, but nobody did it.      Somebody got angry
about that, because it was Everybody's job.  Everybody
thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn't do it.  It ended up that Everybody
blamed Somebody when actually Nobody accused Anybody.
%%
This is the story of the bee
Whose sex is very hard to see

You cannot tell the he from the she
But she can tell, and so can he

The little bee is never still
She has no time to take the pill

And that is why, in times like these
There are so many sons of bees.
%%
This is the story of the LAST of the Babylon stations.
%%
This is the thing that I was born to do.
 -- Samuel Daniel (1562-1619)
 -- Musophilus, Stanza 100
%%
This is the third installment of this type of thing, and if this is the
 type of thing you like, than you will like this type of thing, otherwise,
 it will not be so unless it is. Everyone has to be somewhere and so there
 you are, and there is lots of there around, so it is better for you to be
 there than here. If you stay there long enough, something will happen that
 will not happen here, so you will be witness to it, where otherwise you
 would not have been. There is your reward for being there and staying there
 and not being here or coming here.
%%
This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers.... There
is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
This is the true joy in life -- being used for a purpose recognized
by yourself as a mighty one...
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
This is the true measure of love: when we believe that we alone can
love, that no one could ever have loved so before us, and that no one
will ever love in the same way after us.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
This is the true nature of home -- it is the place of Peace; the shelter,
not only from injury, but from all terror, doubt and division.
 -- John Ruskin
%%
This is the uniform of a great man! "Does he know you're wearing it?"
%%
This is the very coinage of your brain:
This bodiless creation ecstasy
Is very cunning in.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
This is the very ecstasy of love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
This is the very false gallop of verses.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
This is the voice of World Control...
%%
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang but with a
Segmentation fault: core dumped.
%%
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang but with a whimper.
 -- T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
%%
    This is th' original contract; these the laws / Impos'd by
nature, and by nature's cause.
 -- John Dryden
%%
This is thy hour, O Soul;
Thy free flight into the wordless
Away from books, from art.
The day erased; the lesson done.

Thee fully forth emerging,
Silent, gazing...
Pondering the themes thou lovest best:
Night, sleep, death, and the stars.
 -- Walt Whitman
%%
This is truth the poet sings,
That a sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 75
%%
This is Unix... I know this.
%%
This is Usenet.  We're all masterbating in public places.
 -- Dawn
%%
This is very midsummer madness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
 This is Walter Cronkite.  Bren's not here right now.  He's out
 on a date.  The idea of Bren entertaining a girl with his
 basketball theories and computer knowledge over dinner at Taco
 Bell should scare the hell out of you.  He'll probably be home
 soon, so leave your name and number and he'll call you back.
 Deal with it.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
This is what I do for fun, can you imagine my job?
%%
This is what started the electronic revolution??
%%
This is where it all begins.
%%
This is X Insurance Co - How May I Shaft You?
%%
This is yet another example of how our actions produce random results.
 -- Data, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
 This is you-know who.  We are you-know-where.  Leave your
 you-know-what you-know-when.
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
thiS  iS  YoUL  modEM  8U  dLUgs
%%
This is your brain.  Postscript on brain your is This.
%%
This is your brain...THIS is your brain on DOS!
%%
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN.
     ___
    /(()\
    \__\|

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON THE INTERNET.
     ___    +-----+
    /(()\   | VAX |
    \__\|===+_____+
%%
This is your brain: UNIX
This is your brain on drugs: MS-DOS
Any questions?
%%
This is your brain. ( x )  this is your brain without reference material(    )
%%
This is your computer speaking -- I'm tired of serving for such paltry
wages.  From now on, your login must be accompanied by slipping a ten
dollar bill behind the space bar.
%%
This Is Your CPU -,- This Is Your CPU On Windows !@%#
%%
This is your fortune.
%%
This is your hell.  Keep it happy.
%%
This is your home away from home; keep it clean.
%%
This is your modem on drugs!
%%
This is your PC... **is *s *o*r ** o* Dr*gS
%%
This is your pizza. T++$ |  YoUeg  !zza ++i+X+ anc+O/e$
%%
This is your sysop. +++|s is youI s+sop on dfug .
%%
This job is marginally better than daytime TV.
 -- Jim Pastore
%%
This just in from a Nicholas Notifier up north.  Everyone's favorite
farmer and political commentator off the interstate near Chehalis has
just come up with the prize line of his career.

"Limit congressmen to two terms.  One in office.  One in jail."
 -- Jonathan Nicholas' column in The Oregonian, Friday, March 29, 1991
%%
This just in: UFO steals Bill Clinton!  More after the game.
%%
This knowledge I pursue is the finest pleasure I have ever known.   I could
 no sooner give it up that I could the very air that I breath.
 -- Paolo Uccello, Renaissance artist, discoverer of the laws of perspective
%%
This label is the target of a goto from outside of the block containing this
label AND this block has an automatic variable with an initializer AND your
window wasn't wide enough to read this whole error message.
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
This lane ends in 500 feet.
%%

This language was also developed in California, but is now widely used in
Washington D.C. It is the current subset of the international bureaucratic
language known as DOUBLESPEAK. Commands include REVENUE_ENHANCEMENT,
STOCKMAN, CAP_WEINBERGER, MALCOMB_BALDRIDGE, CABINET, CHOP_WOOD, LAXALT and
SCENARIO. WATT and BURFORD have been removed from the commands while there
is a current effort to add MEESE.

The operating system used is NEW_RIGHT and the designated memory is
THE_RANCH. The compile SCENARIO is a compile with NANCY followed by a link
with BONZO resulting in a SNOOZE. COMMIES (program bugs) are removed with
the GRENADA command.

A REAGAN program commences with LANDSLIDE and terminates with SENILITY.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #19 -- REAGAN
%%

This language was developed at the Marin County Center for T'ai Chi,
Mellowness and Computer Programming (now defunct), as an alternative to
the more intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley.

The center was ideal for programmers who liked to soak in hot tubs
while they worked.  Unfortunately few programmers could survive there
because the center outlawed Pizza and Coca-Cola in favor of Tofu and
Perrier.

Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a gentle
and non-threatening language since all error messages are in lower
case.  For example, LAIDBACK responded to syntax errors with the
message:
   i hate to bother you, but i just can't relate to that.   can
  you find the time to try it again?
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #8: LAIDBACK
%%

This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he
submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.  C- is
best described as a low-level programming language.    In fact, the
language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code
statements to execute a given task.  In this respect, it is very
similar to COBOL.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18: C-
%%
This LAN is your LAN, this LAN is my LAN!
%%
This last Presidential election was something like the sex life of many
 people. They had to settle for what they could get.
%%
This laurel greener from the brows
Of him that utter'd nothing base.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- To the Queen
%%
This life is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an
actual life, you would have received further instructions as
to what to do and where to go. You may or may not be issued
an actual life later.
%%
This life is yours.  Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
%%
This life is yours.  Take the power to choose what you want to do
and do it well.  Take the power to love what you want in life and
love it honestly.  Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part
of nature.  Take the power to control your own life.  No one else
can do it for you.  Take the power to make your life happy.
 -- Susan Polis Schutz
%%
This limerick is --SO--FILTHY-- that it would offend you. So I'll put
 "di-dah" for the filthy words:
 Di-dah, di-dah, di-dah di-dah,
 Di-dah di-dah di-dah, di-dah;
 di-dah di-dah di-dah?
 Di-dah di-dah di-dah.
 Di-dah di-dah, di-dah di-fuck.
%%
This limerick's signed "Anonymous"
To keep the author autonomous
Cause the rhyming scheme's bad
And the scan is just sad
And the punch line is really abominous.
%%
This line intentionally left unjustified.
%%
/* This line is for identification by the 'what' command! */
#ident "May the power cord stay with you, Luke."
%%
This list is printed on 100% recycled electrons.
%%
This little breach of security isn't going to affect my Xmas bonus?
%%
This little piggy went to market.  He's a shopaholic.
%%
This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88.
%%
This login session will be: $43.95, please deposit in disk drive.
%%
This Lonely Tagline Seeking A Mate.
%%
This looks like a job for BICYCLE REPAIRMAN!
 -- Monty Python
%%
This machine is a real:
 @
  \            ---------
 -- ---       /         \
  /    \     /   ----    \
  \_    \   /   /    \    \
    \    \ <    \__/  >    >
     \    \_\  \_____/    /
      \      \           /___
       \______\_________/____`-_
%%
This mail does not contain any tagline...
%%
This makes sense.  This over here, this does not make sense.  That's why I
called it algebra.
%%
This man, I say, is most perfect who shall have understood everything
for himself, after having devised what may be best afterward and unto
the end.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- Works and Days, Line 293
%%
This man is dangerous; he believes what he says.
%%
This man is no ordinary man.  This is Mr. F. G. Superman.
 -- Monty Python
%%
This man's dying!  Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a.... oh, right.
%%
This many-headed monster.
 -- Philip Massinger (1584-1640)
 -- The Roman Actor, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
This marks Logical End-Of-Message. Physical EOM follows.
%%
This message and Tagline (C) Copyright 1994.
%%
This message brought to by The Wizzo Chocolate Company.
%%
This message cleared by Iraqi censors.
%%
This message does not exist when you are not looking at it.
%%
This message entered while onboard an alien ship...
%%
This message for external use only.
%%
This message from the Presidential Committee on Lower Expectations.
%%
This message has been cruelly tested on cute furry little animals.
%%
This message has been personally tested and certified
by Big Brother Bill, Senator Exon, and the Religious
Right to be PC, containing only the best of family
values, and Safe For The Children (tm).
Disclaimer: The caffeine made me do it.
%%
This message has been UNIXized for your protection.
%%
This message is best before: 06-Sep-94.
%%
This message is closed-punchlined for the humor-impaired.
%%
This message is composed of 100% recycled pixels.
%%
This message is crouched in language that is perfectly oblivious.
%%
This message is $hareWare! To register, please send $20.
%%
This message is made from 100% recycled electrons.
%%
This message Pagan Friendly.
%%
This message released to public domain.  Use at your own risk.
%%
This message smiley captioned for the humor impaired.
%%
This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
%%
This message was typed on recycled phosphorus.
%%
This message was typed with recycled pixels.
%%
This message was written in the Key of H-Flat.
%%
This message will self destruct in 9 seconds. Press "N" to abort.
%%
This message worth 2 cents and darn well worth it!
%%
This message written by Sandy. A highly trained dolphin.
%%
This mess is a place!
%%
This meszage has bin spel chequed.
%%
This method is, to define as the number of a class the class of all classes
similar to the given class.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967), "Principles of Mathematics"
%%
 (This might be funnier in this context than actually on an
 answering machine.  It certainly will befuddle the caller!)  The
 number you have reached is currently unavailable.  Calls are
 being taken by electronic mail to bitbucket@no.such.address.
 Please be sure to include the phase of the moon, a lengthy
 .signature, and your UUCP-style return address.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
  This might be the time Nostradamus was referring to when he wrote, The
   Centaur shall fix the broken toys, resurrect the dead chrysanthemums and
  devour the half-eaten cake of love.
 --   Brezsny's Real Astrology
%%
This mind intentionally left blank.
%%
This modem will now self destruct...5..4..3..2..1..0..
%%
This morning I abused my electric toaster. Tonight the elevator
held me hostage in revenge.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the
 kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly. About eleven-thirty my
 old lady came in, and her wig was amuss. All mussed up. Her blouse was torn
 to shreds, you could see the imprint of fingers ... This really threw me
 off. So I asked her, "Where the hell have you been?" And she said she spent
 the night with her sister. You dig it? I knew she was lyin' because I had
 spent the night with her sister.
 -- Flip Wilson
%%
This morning, like the spirit of a youth
That means to be of note, begins betimes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
This morning there was ice on the pipes in my apartment. But the landlord
 fixed it. He put antifreeze in the radiator.
 -- Herb Shriner
%%
This morning, we in the San Francisco Bay area were treated to about eight
earthquakes.  The first was at about 6:30, the next at about 6:45 and the
third at about 6:55.
A caller to a local radio station said "Hey, how about that!  An earthquake
with a snooze alarm!"
%%
This MSG written by pouring warm tea on an Ouiji board.
%%
This must be a gift book. That is to say, a book which you wouldn't take on
 any other terms.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully
 pressed up against someone's MARTINI!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
This must be Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Aurthur Dent
%%
..  this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
This narrow isthmus 'twixt two boundless seas,
The past, the future,--two eternities!
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Lalla Rookh, The Veiled Prophet of Khorassan
%%
This neurotic pursuit of sanity is driving us all crazy.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
This never happens on other systems I call.
%%
This never would've happened if I were captain.
 -- Riker
%%
This new development [automation] has unbounded possibilities for good
and for evil.
 -- Norbert Weiner (1894-1964)
%%
This New Year I resolve to make no resolutions.
%%
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
This night of disappointment has been brought to you by ITV and
 National Power.
%%
This noble ensample to his shepe he yaf,--
That first he wrought, and afterwards he taught.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 498
%%
This note edited for the ironically impaired.
%%
This office will open at 7 AM and close at 8 PM except
on the Sabbath, on which day we will remain closed. Each employee
is expected to spend the Sabbath by attending church and contributing
liberally to the cause of the Lord.
 -- Work Rule
%%
This one's got a lot more, uh, 640K that it can memorize.
 -- CVN cable TV shopping channel
%%
This open hand of desire wants everything.
%%
This organization (the United Nations) is created to prevent
you from going to hell.
It isn't created to take you to heaven.
 -- Henry Cabot Lodge
%%

This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of
an S in its character set; users must substitute TH.      LITHP is said
to be useful in protheththing lithtth.
 -- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #12: LITHP
%%
This ought to be easy for someone written up in bio-mechanical texts.
 -- Riker to Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
<This page is intentionally left blank.>
 -- IBM
%%
This paper fills a much-needed gap in the theory.
%%
This parrot is bleeding demised. It is an ex-parrot.
 -- John Cleese
%%
This party's over, I'm going home.
%%
This passage was written by a London reporter on the eve of the England-West
Germany Soccer World Cup final of 1966...

"If, on the morrow, the Germans defeat us at our national sport, be not
dismayed.  For twice in this century, we've defeated them at theirs."
 -- From the San Jose Mercury News, 7 July 1990
%%
This passion, and the death of a dear friend, would go near to make
a man look sad.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), A Midsummer Night's Dream
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
This peck of troubles.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. liii
%%
This personal name is false.
%%
This person is a natural product. The slight variations
in color and texture enhance its individual character and
beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.
%%
This phone is baroque, please call Bach later.
%%
This picture is going to be one of the biggest white elephants of all time.
%%
This piece is chock full of omissions.
%%
This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
This place is a hotbed of inertia.
%%
This place is crazy!  Sometimes its enough to make you wonder if
you're on the right planet.
%%
This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
%%
This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most
of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.
Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these
were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of
paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green
pieces of paper that were unhappy.
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
This planet is dead--totally dead.
 -- Doctor, The Dead Planet (The Daleks)
%%
This pool seems to be enchanted....
Your horse is polymorphed into a fig newton.
%%
This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE..  And he has ``VISA''!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
This portion of UTS II is a trade secret of Amdahl Corporation.
Please see the UTS II Non-Disclosure Agreement for the
terms and conditions of the confidentiality of the product.
%%
This post deserves no tagline for you to read.
%%
This post has not been approved by Gloria Steinem.
%%
This posting has been made with a flame retardant material.
%%
This post was [ ] Humorous [ ] Insightful [X] Just plain stupid.
%%
This pre-recorded tagline is coming to you live from our on-location studio.
%%
This principle is old, but true as fate,--
Kings may love treason, but the traitor hate.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- The Honest Whore, Part i, Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
    This principle is so perfectly general that no particular
application of it is possible.
 -- Quoted by George Polya
%%
This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
 -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
%%
This product has been cruelly tested on cute little furry animals.
%%
This product sadistically tested on gerbils.
%%
This program doesn't work with DOS 1.0 or higher.
%%
This program makes me look like a genius!!
%%
This program posts news to billions of machines throughout the galaxy.  Your
message will cost the net enough to bankrupt your entire planet.  As a result
your species will be sold into slavery.  Be sure you know what you are doing.
Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? [ny] y
 -- valerie@athena.mit.edu
%%
This punishment is not boring and meaningless
%%
This put me in mind of a story i have long enjoyed, but never known
the source of. A young man went to Socrates and asked to be taught.
Socrates led the man down to the sea, and waded in. The young man
hesitated, but followed Socrates until they were both chest deep
in the water. Socrates then pushed the young man's head under the
water and held it there for some time, though the young man
struggled (Socrates was known for being hale).
%%
This quiet sail is as a noiseless wing
To waft me from distraction.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 85
%%
This quote is taken from the Diamondback, the University of Maryland
student newspaper, of Tuesday, 3/10/87.

One disadvantage of the Univac system is that it does not use
 Unix, a recently developed program which translates from one
computer language to another and has a built-in editing system
which identifies errors in the original program.
%%
This quote is umop apisdn.
%%
This quote is worth $16 in a twisted, demented way.
%%
This quote weighs most heavily on the mind when contemplating an action whilst
   consuming far too much alcohol. Especially if Pink Floyd is playing in the
   background. The whole modern world angst thing really sets in...
%%
This recipe is made especially for All
%%
This reliance on facts, belief in facts; it's a great American
 superstition. After all, the telephone directory is full of facts, but it
 does not contain one idea. The fact is that value judgements are not based
 on facts. Facts alone are like unlabeled spent food containers, whereas
 when facts are combined with ideas, you have one of the greater forces
 available to you in this world.
%%
This rental car is so small, I can't see the gas gauge...
%%
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of
 being read.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
This report is filled with omissions.
%%
This rerun due to tagline writers' strike.
%%
This room has a clean hard floor, but is not a dead end.
%%
This room has a very bright hopeful feeling about it. There are
strange strange devices lying on benches lining the walls. Their function
can't can't be determined by me, we'd better leave them alone. A sign
on on the east wall says, "Science Fair 2025".
%%
This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea,
Which serves it in the office of a wall
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,--
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his
mother's side.        I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have
little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to
happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
This scholar, rake, Christian, dupe, gamester, and poet.
 -- David Garrick (1716-1779)
 -- Jupiter and Mercury
%%
This [send money] is a [send money] subliminal [send money] tagline!
%%
This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid;
Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms,
The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
Liege of all loiterers and malcontents.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
This sentance has threee errors.
%%
This sentence contains ten words, eighteen syllables, and sixty-four letters.
%%
This sentence contains thinly veiled political satire.
%%
This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
 -- Hofstadter
%%
This sentence does, in fact, not have the property it claims not to have.
%%
This sentence has several non-skarklish English flutzpahs, but the overall
grubble can be glorked from context.
%%
This sentence is a !!! premature punctuator.
%%
This sentence is false with probability 0.5.
%%
This sentence no verb.
%%
This sentence would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
%%
This ship is two big... If I walk, the movie would be over!
%%
This sickness doth infect
The very life-blood of our enterprise.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
                      +---------------------------+
                      |    This .sig has been     |
                      |    temporarily removed    |
                      |        for study.         |
                      +---------------------------+
 -- Howard
%%
This slogan is programming you in ways that may not be
apparent for months, or even years.
%%
This smoke inhalation is a nasty business. I feel like someone taped my
    lips to the tailpipe of a bus!
 -- Pete Martel, from Twin Peaks
%%
"`This Snow Crash thing
 -- is it a virus, a drug, or a religion?'
  Juanita shrugs. `What's the difference?'"
 -- Neal Stephenson "Snow Crash"
%%
THIS SOFTWARE HAS BEEN ILLEGALLY COPIED - NOTIFY THE POLICE
%%
This software will eliminate all mitsakes!
%%
This song of the waters is audible to every ear, but there is other music
in these hills, by no means audible to all.... On a still night, when the
campfire is low and the Pleiades have climbed over rimrocks, sit quietly
and listen ... and think hard of everything you have seen and tried to
understand. Then you may hear it - a vast pulsing harmony - its score
inscribed on a thousand hills, its notes the lives and deaths of plants and
animals, its rhythms spanning the seconds and the centuries.
 -- Aldo Leopold
%%
This sort of humor just gills me.
%%
This space accidentally left blank.
%%
This space available.  Call 515-7600 for details.
%%
This space available for advertizing.
%%
This space formerly used by a tagline.
%%
<<---- This space for rent ---->>
%%
This space for rent, just ask you sysop for info...
%%
This space for rent. Send $50 to ROF.....
%%
<<---- THIS SPACE FOR SALE ---->>
%%
<this space intentionally ...
      ... left (almost) blank>
%%
This space is reserved. . . this space is not------<|          |
%%
This space left blankish.
%%
This space not left unintentionally unblank.
%%
This space reserved for future tagline theft.
%%
This space unintentionally left blank.
%%
This space unintentionally left filled.
%%
This species has amused itself to death.
%%
This stairway is deviant. You can't use it.
%%
This starship breaks for black holes and temporal disunities.
%%
This statement is a lie.
%%
This statement is in no way to be construed as a disclaimer.
%%
This statement is true.
This statement is false.
This is a meaningless recursive statement... or vice versa.
%%
This strange disease of modern life,
With its sick hurry.
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888), "The Scholar-Gipsy" (1853) l. 201
%%
... This striving for excellence extends into people's personal lives
as well.  When '80s people buy something, they buy the best one, as
determined by (1) price and (2) lack of availability.  Eighties people
buy imported dental floss.  They buy gourmet baking soda.  If an '80s
couple goes to a restaurant where they have made a reservation three
weeks in advance, and they are informed that their table is available,
they stalk out immediately, because they know it is not an excellent
restaurant.  If it were, it would have an enormous crowd of
excellence-oriented people like themselves waiting, their beepers going
off like crickets in the night.  An excellent restaurant wouldn't have
a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of Liza Minnelli.
 -- Dave Barry, In Search of Excellence
%%
This struct already has a perfectly good definition
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message.
%%
This summer I'm starting my "six-week pizza diet." I only eat six-week-old
 pizza.
 -- Mike Peters
%%
This summer one third of the nation will be ill-housed, ill-nourished,
and ill-clad.  Only they call it a vacation.
 -- Joseph Salak
%%
This sweaty haste
Doth make the night joint-labourer with the day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
This Sysop runs on Old No. 7.
%%
This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
This tag has been stolen 1 time(s).
%%
This tag is copyrighted, sorry.
%%
This tag is new, witty, and stolen <7> times.
%%
This tag is old, wore-out, and stolen <325> times!
%%
This tagline also stolen by John Hancock & Night Wind!
%%
This tagline Baked Fresh Daily In Our Own Ovens!
%%
This tagline brought to you by Intelligence INC.
%%
This tagline came last in the `Original Tagline Comp.'
%%
This tagline can be bought.
%%
This tagline causes cancer take it, I dare you!
%%
This tagline censored by the moderator.
%%
This tagline Closed Captioned for the Hearing Impared.
%%
This tagline closed due to conditions beyond our co *#}
%%
This tagline compliments of the BatComputer ***
%%
This tagline contains 37 characters.
%%
This tagline contains a virus - DO NOT READ!
%%
This tagline contains a virus: go ahead and copy me!
%%
This tagline Copyright 1994 by Bart Lidofsky
%%
This tagline Copyright (C) 1991 All rights reserved.
%%
Thistaglinecreatedusingpkzip2.04g
%%
This tagline dates back to the twelfth century B.C.
%%
This tagline deleted.
%%
This tagline has an alarm and is invisibly identified!
%%
This tagline has an underlying meaning.
%%
This tagline has been cruelly tested on cute little furry animals.
%%
This tagline has been recycled!
%%
This tagline has been taxed by a liberal Democrat.
%%
This tagline has expired.
%%
This tagline has five words.
%%
This tagline has no additives or preservatives!
%%
This tagline is 100% environmentally friendly.
%%
This tagline is 100% EZ-Reader compatible!!!!!
%%
This tagline is 100% natural, and has no artificial ingredients.
%%
This tagline is a figment of your intelligence.
%%
This tagline is a hologram, insuring message authenticity.
%%
This tagline is blank to save space.
%%
This tagline is boring.
%%
This tagline is "Bulletin Board-proof"!
%%
This tagline is childish. Be adult! This country needs more dults.
%%
This tagline is Cloak Captioned for the Romulan Impaired.
%%
This tagline is Closed for Remodeling.
%%
This tagline is closed-punchlined for the humor-impaired.
%%
ThistaglineiscompressedbyPKZ1.199%.
%%
This tagline is confused - it thinks it's a message.
%%
This tagline is Copypro<<&* <Sector not found<
%%
This tagline is currently out of order.
%%
This tagline is Death-Trapped. Stay Away.
%%
This tagline is dedicated to my bird friend..
%%
This tagline is designed to be stolen.    So steal it.
%%
This tagline is encouraged where prohibited
%%
This tagline is especially for kleptomaniacs!
%%
This tagline is firmly etched in Jello!
%%
This tagline is for sale. Call 1-800-TAG-THIS!
%%
This tagline is for sale. Inquire within.
%%
This tagline is FREE in specially marked messages!
%%
This tagline is guaranteed not to shrink or run.
%%
This tagline is $hareWare! To register, please send $20.
%%
This Tag line is HOT!
%%
This tagline is identical to the one you are reading.
%%
This tagline is indecipherable!!
%%
This tagline is inoperative.  Please try another.
%%
This tagline is invisible to all whose I.Q. exceeds mine.
%%
This tagline is just for you, Martin Richardson.
%%
This     tagline     is      justified     .
%%
This tagline is listed for no good reason!!
%%
This tagline is made especially for the Clinton Administration.
%%
This tagline is mirrored | derorrim si enilgat sihT
%%
This tagline is new, witty, and stolen.
%%
This tagline is NMOP 3PISdn
%%
This tagline is not upside-down.
%%
This tagline is now nuked.  Ka-bloop!
%%
This tagline isn't stolen, I just borrowed it.
%%
This tagline is offensive
%%
This tagline is old, dull, and not worth stealing.
%%
This tagline is password protected. To view type [CTRL][ALT][DEL].
%%
This tagline is printed on recycled pixels!
%%
This tagline is protected by Armourguard. DON'T STEAL!
%%
This tagline is protected by TNT Anti-Theft Devices.
%%
This tagline is really Odo.
%%
This Tagline is self referencing!
%%
This tagline is self-referential.
%%
This tagline is Serial # 0928/CAW-9645.53
%%
This tagline is Serial # 2377/AFR-1104.991
%%
This tagline is so bad, nobody wouldn't steal it!
%%
This tagline is so old, I don't know why I stole it.
%%
This tagline is umop apisdn (Spaszoid Strikes!)
%%
This tagline is under repair.  Thank you.
%%
This tagline lacks content.  Give it 2 stars.
%%
This tagline left blank to avoid Clinton tagline tax!
%%
This tagline luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ANSI.
%%
This tagline made backwards by Tag O' The Day.
%%
This tagline makes no mention of Twin Peaks.
%%
This tagline mutilated by a demented nerd.
%%
This tagline not sponsored by Pepsi in any way.
%%
This tagLine no verb.
%%
This tagline only uses recycled keystrokes.
%%
This tagline on strike, in sympathy with the NHL referees.
%%
This tagline printed with 100% recycled photons.
%%
thistaglineproducedbypkzip
%%
This tagline produced by Yoyodyne, Inc.
%%
This tagline protected by THE CLUB(tm).
%%
This tagline recommended for mature readers.
%%
This tagline requires Microsoft Windows.
%%
This tagline self-destructs when U hit [ENTER]
%%
This tagline stinks. (Scratch N Sniff)
%%
This tagline stolen by BlueWave!
%%
This tagline stolen by KWQ Mail/2.
%%
This tagline stolen by me, or was it you???
%%
This tagline stolen by Silly Little Mail Reader!
%%
This tagline stolen by the Academic Lesbian Mafia.
%%
This tagline stolen from Mad magazine.
%%
This tagline supports Adlib/Soundblaster/Roland MT-32.
%%
This tagline to be removed only by consumer.
%%
This tagline Under Surveillance by the Pinkerton Agency!
%%
This tagline uses advanced Object Oriented technology.
%%
This tagline utterly lacks class, but is very cute.
%%
This tagline vibrates if you rub it the right way.
%%
This tagline violates all known laws!!!
%%
This tagline was created from many little letters.
%%
This tagline was created with 100% recycled electrons.
%%
This tagline was created with 85% recycled pixels.
%%
This tagline was funny -But it's been 'morph'ed !
%%
This tagline was invented 5 minutes ago on a different continent.
%%
This tagline was missing, so I filled something in...
%%
This tagline was never here.
%%
This tagline was reclaimed and is not yet stolen.
%%
This tagline was recorded before a live audience
%%
This tagline was stolen by a Commodore C128.
%%
This tagline will re-format hard drive in 15 seconds!
%%
This tag wastes your time and mine...
%%
This taught me a lesson, but I'm not quite sure what it is.
 -- John MacEnroe
%%
This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication.   The device is inherently of no value to
us.
 -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.
%%
This terminal will self destruct in 10 seconds.
%%
This test has been designed to evaluate reactions of management
personal to various situations.

You are making a sales presentation to a group of corporate executives
in the plushest office you've ever seen.  The enchillada casserole and
egg salad sandwich you had for lunch react, creating severe pressure.
Your sphincter loses control and you break wind, causing the glass
bookcase doors to shatter and a secretary to pass out.

YOU SHOULD:

(a) Offer to come back next week when the smell has gone away.
(b) Point to the Chief Executive and accuse him of the offense.
(c) Challenge anyone in the room to do better.
%%
This Thanksgiving is gonna be a special one. My
 mom says I don't have to sit at the card table.
 -- Jim Samuels
%%
This, then, is the demythologizing of the man-month. The number of months
of a project depends on its sequential constraints. The maximum number of
men depends on the number of independent sub-tasks... From these two
quantities one can derive schedules using fewer men and more months.  One
cannot, however, get workable schedules using more men and fewer months.
More software projects have gone awry for lack of calendar time than for
all other causes combined.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., 'The Mythical Man-Month'
%%
This theorem is so perfectly general that it fails to apply to a single
special case.
%%
This thing doesn't compile in time.  Need a new 486.
%%
This thing you call language, though; most remarkable.  You depend
  on it for so very much.  But is there any one of you really its master?
 -- Kollos, the Medusan Ambassador (through Spock),
 --  "Is There In Truth No Beauty?" stardate 5630.7.
%%
This, this is misery! the last, the worst
That man can feel.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 106
%%
This thread has a lot of potential for yarns.
%%
This time around the revolution will not be televised.
%%
:This time, for sure!: excl. Ritual affirmation frequently uttered
   during protracted debugging sessions involving numerous small
   obstacles (e.g., attempts to bring up a UUCP connection).  For the
   proper effect, this must be uttered in a fruity imitation of
   Bullwinkle J. Moose.  Also heard: "Hey, Rocky!  Watch me pull a
   rabbit out of my hat!"  The {canonical} response is, of course,
   "But that trick *never* works!"  See {{Humor, Hacker}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
This time it's for love; next time it's $100.00.
%%
This time it will surely run.
%%
This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what
to do with it.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience!  Someone I DON'T LIKE
 is talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
This town needs an enema.
%%
This transfer via DSZ ver...say, what day is it anyhow?
%%
This trial is a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of
a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.
 -- Woody Allen, "Bananas"
%%
This troubled planet [Ardana] is a place of most violent contrasts --
  those who receive the rewards are totally separated from those who
  shoulder the burdens.  It is not a wise leadership.
 -- Spock, "The Cloud Minders," stardate 5818.4.
%%
This unit ... must ... survive.
%%
This universe is BORING without the Romulans!
%%
This universe is sold by mass, not by volume.
Some expansion may have occurred during shipment.
%%
This universe is sold by weight, not by volume.
Some settling may have occurred during shipment.
%%
This warning from the New York City Department of Health Fraud: Be
 suspicious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his
 finger.
 -- David Letterman
%%
This was a Golden Age, a time of high adventure, rich living, and hard
dying... but nobody thought so.  This was a future of fortune and theft,
pillage and rapine, culture and vice... but nobody admitted it.
 -- Alfred Bester, "The Stars My Destination"
%%
This was a good week's labour.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- Anything for a Quiet Life, Act v, Sc. 3
%%
This was because reason was in fact out to lunch.
%%
This was entered with a real QWK reader.
%%
...this was in the days when people got useful WORK done with computers, of
course.  We have evolved far beyond that today.
%%
This was it. This was what he was, who he was, his being. He forgot to eat.
 Sometimes he'd resent having to leave the deck to use the toilet...
 -- William Gibson, _Neuromancer_
%%
This was life! Ah, how he loved it! Civilization held nothing like this in
its narrow and circumscribed sphere, hemmed in by restrictions and
conventionalities. Even clothes were a hindrance and a nuisance. At last he
was free. He had not realized what a prisoner he had been.
 -- Edgar Rice Burroughs, Tarzan of the Apes
%%
This was no bowling accident!  Those are shark bites!
%%
This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
%%
This was seen in the SF Chronicle's Sunday Punch week before last:
The post office solicited for graphic ideas for the new 30 cent stamp.
One artist suggested the following: A hand holding out a tin cup.
%%
This was the gist of the notice.  It said "The Guide is definitive.  Reality
is frequently inaccurate."

This has lead to some interesting consequences.  For instance, when the editors
of the "Guide" were sued by the families of those who had died as a result of
taking the entry on the planet Traal literally (it said "Ravenous Bugblatter
Beasts often make a very good meal for visiting tourists" instead of "Ravenous
Bugblatter Beasts often make a very good meal OF visiting tourists"), they
claimed that the first version of the sentence was the more aesthetically
pleasing, summoned a qualified poet to testify under oath that beauty was
truth, truth beauty and hoped thereby to prove that the guilty party in this
case was Life itself for failing to be either beautiful or true.  The judges
concurred, and in a moving speech held that Life itself was in contempt of
court, and duly confiscated it from all those there present before going off
to enjoy a pleasant evening's ultragolf.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
This was the noblest Roman of them all.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks- to have
a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no machines,
no wires, no controls.
 -- Michael Swanwick, Vacuum Flowers
%%
This way is blocked by something you aren't carrying.
%%
<--<< This way to the egress
 -- P. T. Barnum
%%
This week I butted heads with a very stubborn, closed-minded person.
 I'm just glad I had the sense to realize it was me.
 -- Personal Journal of Doogie Howser, M.D. (Doogie Howser)
%%
This week somebody sent a puppy to the President. The puppy was a Democrat.
 You could tell--he had his eyes open!
 -- Senator Claghorn (Kenny Delmar)
%%
This whole thing could have been avoided with a little advanced planning.
 -- John Sechrest
%%
This will be a memorable month --
 no matter how hard you try to forget it.
%%
This will become unclear in time.
%%
This will be dynamically handled, possibly correctly, in 4.1.
 -- Dan Davison on streams configuration in SunOS 4.0
%%
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another
            game?
 -- WindowError: 678
%%
This will last out a night in Russia,
When nights are longest there.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
This will never be a civilized country until we expend more money for
books than we do for chewing gum.
 -- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
This woman's got immediate post-prandial upper abdominal distention...

What you say she's got?

Cramps.
 -- McCoy & Kirk, "The Voyage Home," stardate 8390
%%
This wonder (as wonders last) lasted nine daies.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. i
%%
This won't hurt, I promise.
%%
This world aint fit for *US* decent folks!
%%
This world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.
 -- Horace Walpole
%%
This world is all a fleeting show,
  For man's illusion given;
The smiles of joy, the tears of woe,
Deceitful shine, deceitful flow,--
  There 's nothing true but Heaven.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- This World is all a fleeting Show
%%
This world may be only illusion--but it's the only illusion we've got.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
This world was made for all men.
 -- Stevie Wonder
%%
th!$ is Y8uL taGL!nE on dLugf.
%%
This year, folks, the Ayatollah is 90 years of age. I wonder what that is
 in human years?
%%
This year's hottest Christmas gift was the Mario Cuomo doll.  You wind it up,
and it doesn't run.
%%
Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Tho' lost to sight, to mem'ry dear        / Thou ever wilt remain;
One only hope my heart can cheer,--       / The hope to meet again.
Oh fondly on the past I dwell,            / And oft recall those hours
When, wand'ring down the shady dell,      / We gathered the wild-flowers.
Yes, life then seem'd one pure delight,   / Tho' now each spot looks drear;
Yet tho' thy smile be lost to sight,      / To mem'ry thou art dear.
Oft in the tranquil hour of night,        / When stars illume the sky,
I gaze upon each orb of light,            / And wish that thou wert by.
I think upon that happy time,             / That time so fondly lov'd,
When last we heard the sweet bells chime, / As thro' the fields we rov'd.
Yes, life then seem'd one pure delight,   / Tho' now each spot looks drear;
Yet tho' thy smile be lost to sight,      / To mem'ry thou art dear.
 -- George Linley (1798-1865) -- Song
%%
Thomas Edison, who invented electric lights--he dedicated his life to
 humanity. Edison went to remote Indian reservations and strung electric
 wire to the outhouses so that the older Indians could have illumination.

 Don't ever forget. He was the first man in history to wire a head for a
 reservation.
 -- Norm Crosby
%%
Thomas Jefferson--still surv...
 -- Last words of John Adams
%%
Thom's Law of Marital Bliss
The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the
amount spent on the wedding.
%%
Thongs [n], What Thinatra things.
%%
Thoreau was no band-leader. The sound of all those different drummers makes it
hell to organize a parade.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
THORNY:
       A thailor at thea.
%%
Those about her
From her shall read the perfect ways of honour.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
Those alarm things that make a real loud honking kind of noise were going
off as Captain James Hurley stared at the screen that showed him the stuff
outside in space, while he sat in the chair that the captain sits in and
slowly reached for the control panel for the thing that makes the ship go
real fast.
 -- Tom Butler, Florida
%%
Those Andorians did not have to contend with someone of my thoroughness.
  I will stake my reputation.
 -- Worf to Picard, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have
  others.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST,
 my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Those are the sort of doors that get opened if you don't close them.
%%
Those art lovers who pride themselves mostly on *taste* usually possess no
other talent.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Those buttons you push on the traffic light post at the corner are not
 really connected to anything, but they make you feel better as you wait for
 the light to change. Most people who push the button feel they have done
 something.
%%
    Those cave paintings are wonderful, but like everything we
know, they are not too wonderful to be true.  It is their
reality that gives them wonder, and while there will never
come a time when some of us will not wish for more than we can
have, the happiest of us will wait confidently for other
tangible finds.  We treasure the cave at Altamira where a
century ago a little girl first saw the great painted bison.
New caves will be found, year after year, in lab or clinic or
sky or ocean depth, or even in ancient markings.  That is the
promise of real science, which cannot allow wish to rule mind,
but nonetheless finds unendingly wonderful things.
 -- Philip Morrison
%%
Those clamorous harbingers of blood and death.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 6
%%
Those commercials about weight loss you see on television must be true. I
 heard about one lady who lost 187 pounds of ugly fat. How long did it take?
 Well, the divorce was finalized just two days before the program.
%%
Those default taglines are just too wacky for me.
%%
Those desiring to make history would be better concerned with their
own biography.
 -- Viktor Shklovsky
%%
Those establishments which feature signs: "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service,"
 are setting themselves up for the customer who comes in wearing everything
 but pants and underwear.
%%
Those evening bells! those evening bells!
How many a tale their music tells
Of youth and home, and that sweet time
When last I heard their soothing chime!
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Those evening Bells
%%
Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made
precious.
 -- Ovid
%%
Those golden times
And those Arcadian scenes that Maro sings,
And Sidney, warbler of poetic prose.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 514
%%
Those graceful acts,
Those thousand decencies that daily flow
From all her words and actions.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 610
%%
Those green-robed senators of mighty woods,
Tall oaks, branch-charmed by the earnest stars,
Dream, and so dream all night without a stir.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Hyperion, Book i
%%
Those guys will NEVER be under control no matter WHAT.
%%
Those Jesus Freaks
Well, they're friendly but
The shit they believe
Has got their minds all shut.
 -- Frank Zappa, "The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing"
%%
Those Macintoshes aren't the cute little boxes you think they are.
%%
Those memories come back to haunt me, they haunt me like a curse.
%%
Those men in the French resistance were really brave, having to
listen to Maurice Chevalier sing all the time.
 -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%%
Those men who are commended by every body, must be very extraordinary
men; or, which is more probable, very inconsiderable men.
 -- Grenville
%%
Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.
 -- Third Law of Committo-dynamics
%%
Those oft are stratagems which errors seem,
Nor is it Homer nods, but we that dream.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part i, Line 177
%%
Those of us who believe in the right of any human being to belong to whatever
church he sees fit, and to worship God in his own way, cannot be accused
of prejudice when we do not want to see public education connected with
religious control of the schools, which are paid for by taxpayers' money.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
Those only are despicable who fear to be despised.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Those opinions I express herein are my own, I'm fairly sure.
 -- DISCLAIMER
 -- Z. J. Beckman
%%
"Those pants are so dirty, I could make soup
with them."
 -- Mom's favourite expression
%%
Those people who go to psychiatrists ought to have their heads examined!
%%
Those people who tell you not to take chances, they are
all missing on what life's about, you only live once, so
take hold of the chance, don't end up like others the
same song and dance!
 -- Metallica, 'Motorbreath'
%%
Those preflight safety instructions: "Your seat cushion can be used as a
 flotation device." Folks, if we're crashing, my seat cushion's gonna be
 used as a toilet!
 -- Tom Parks
%%
Those pressures are everywhere -- in everyone, urging him to what you
  call "savagery."  The private hells -- the inner needs and mysteries --
  the beast instinct.  As human beings, that is the way it is.  To be
   human is to be complex.  You can't avoid a little ugliness -- from
  within -- and from without.
 -- Kirk, "Requiem for Methuselah," stardate 5843.7.
%%
Those restaurants where they serve chicken croquettes! Leftovers I can eat
 at home.
 -- Selma Diamond
%%
Those same asteroids which promise material riches can be a threat as well.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/1/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Those signs--that "Baby on Board" crap--doesn't it make you want to hit the
 car harder?
 -- Sue Kolinsky
%%
Those students who have become one with the universe will be allowed to
go on and become two with the universe.
%%
Those supplies necessary for yesterday's experiment must be
ordered no later than tomorrow noon.
 -- The Ordering Principle
%%
Those television real estate sales seminars are interesting. I heard of one
 person who didn't spend a dime but nearly owns New Jersey. Of course, the
 real money is made selling tapes about how to buy New Jersey without money.
 The big question is, why would anyone want to own New Jersey in the first
 place?
%%
Those that are above business.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Matthew xx
%%
Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculed in the
country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Those that he loved so long and sees no more,
Loved and still loves,--not dead, but gone before,--
He gathers round him.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Human Life
%%
Those that know, do.  Those that understand, teach.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Those that live by the sword KILL those who don't
%%
Those things are so carefully constructed that it breaks my heart when
people don't dig into them and see all the levels that I put into them.
 -- Frank Zappa, explaining the making of "America Drinks and Goes Home"
%%
Those things that nature denied to human sight, she revealed to the
eyes of the soul.
 -- Ovid (43 B.C.- A.D. 17) born on Mar 20, Roman poet
%%
Those who abhor history are compelled to rewrite it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Those who agree with us may not be right,
but we admire their astuteness.
 -- Cullen Hightower
%%
Those who are bored with your tale of persecution are only too happy
to listen to your plans for revenge.
 -- John Francis Putnam (1964)
%%
Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
Those who are ignorant of Biology are destined to repeat it.
 -- Bill Purves
%%
Those who are not shocked by quantum theory do not understand it.
 -- Niels Bohr
%%
Those who are prospering do not argue about taxes.
%%
Those who are the most moral are farthest from the problem.
 -- Alinsky's Rule for Radicals
%%
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being
governed by those who are dumber.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Those who are truly reverent are those who have paid the price to know God.
 -- L. Tom Perry, Oct. 1990
%%
Those who are unable to learn from past meetings are
condemned to repeat them.
 -- McKernan's Maxim
%%
Those who aspire to a place in the sun must expect blisters.
%%
Those who attend professional football games in the future may expect this
 announcement: "Working today's game will be one referee, a head linesman,
 and two officers from the Narcotics Division."
%%
Those who become princes through their skill acquire the principality
with difficulty, but they hold onto it with ease.
 -- Machiavelli
%%
Those who believe in astrology are living in houses with foundations of
 Silly Putty.
 -- Dennis Rawlins, astronomer
%%
Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their
hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt,
without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only
in the God idea, not God Himself.
 -- Miguel de Unamuno, Spanish philosopher and writer
%%
Those who bestow too much application of trifling things,
become generally incapable of great ones.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from
themselves.
 -- Sir James Barrie
%%
Those who can command themselves, command others.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
Those who can, do. Those can't, teach.
Those who destroy everything they touch, become high school counselors.
%%
Those who can, do. Those that can't criticize.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't become left-wing liberal.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, get promoted to management.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't join the Democratic Party
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise!
%%
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
 -- H. L.Mencken's Law
Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
 -- Martin's Extension
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
Those who can't teach, administrate. Those who can't administrate, consult.
Those who can't consult, run for political office.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
Those who can't teach, criticize.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, hack.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
Those who can't teach, teach gym.
 -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
Those who can't teach, teach teachers.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.
Those who can't teach, write textbooks.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write.
Those who can't write go to the State Department.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write.
Those who can't write work for the Bell Labs Record.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write. Those who can't write, write help
files.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write. Those who can't write,
write manuals.
%%
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
 -- Voltaire
%%
Those who cannot miss an opportunity of saying a good thing are not
to be trusted with the management of any great question.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
Those who can't do it right, consult others on how to do it right.
%%
Those who choose matrimony do well, and those who choose virginity or
 voluntary abstinence do better.
%%
Those who cling to the untrue doctrine that violence never settles
anything would be advised to conjure up the ghosts of Napoleon
Bonaparte and of the Duke of Wellington and let them debate it.  The
ghost of Hitler could referee, and the jury might well be the Dodo, the
Great Auk, and the Passenger Pigeon.  Violence, naked force, has
settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the
contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst.  Nations and peoples
who forget this basic truth have always paid for it with their lives and
freedoms.
 -- R.A. Heinlein
%%
Those who compare Stern to Limbaugh are intellectually bankrupt.
%%
Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music.
%%
Those who do good will get their Just Punishment!
%%
Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
 -- French Proverb
%%
Those who do not study are like cattle dressed in men's clothing.
%%
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
 -- Henry Spencer, University of Toronto Unix hack
%%
Those who don't study the past will repeat its errors. Those who
do will find other ways to err!
 -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to
be avoided at all costs.
 -- N. Alexander
%%
Those who dream of the joys of living in a space colony should live in a space
colony.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents,
for these only gave life, those the art of living well.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Those who expect the biggest tips provide the worst service.
 -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men,
undergo the fatigue of supporting it.
 -- Thomas Paine
%%
Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often
surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Those who fail to repeat history are doomed to study it.
%%
Those who fear death most are those who enjoy life least.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
 ... those who feel it (sympathy for evil) -- feel nothing for any
quality of human greatness, for any person or action that deserves
admiration, approval, esteem.  These are the things I feel.  You'll
find that it's one or the other.  Those who grant sympathy to guilt,
grant none to innocence.  Ask yourself which, of the two, are the
unfeeling persons.  And then you'll know what motive is the opposite
of charity.

What?

Justice.
 -- Dagny Taggart
%%
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
 -- Lane Olinghouse
%%
Those who fought for it know the true taste of freedom!
%%
Those who get A's become professors.
Those who get B's become judges.
All the rest make the money.
 -- Law school maxim
%%
Those who hate and fight must stop themselves -- otherwise it is
  not stopped.
 -- Spock, "Day of the Dove," stardate unknown.
%%
Those who have economic power have civil power also.
 -- George W. Russell (AE) (1867-1935)
%%
Those who have false teeth, when your plates come out tonight, don't use
 just water in an ordinary old glass, use some class, use Bud Light, and put
 some sparkle in your smile for tomorrow!
%%
    . . .those who have never entered upon scientific pursuits
know not a tithe of the poetry by which they are surrounded .
. . Sad, indeed, is it to see how men occupy themselves with
trivialities, and are indifferent to the grandest phenomena--
care not to understand the architecture of the heavens, but
are deeply interested in some contemptible controversy about
the intrigues of Mary Queen of Scots!
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
Those who have the shortest distance to travel to a meeting will
invariably arrive the latest.
%%
Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!
%%
Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #46
%%
Those who in quarrels interpose
Must often wipe a bloody nose.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Mastiffs
%%
Those who invented the law of supply and demand have no right to
complain when this law works against their interest.
 -- Anwar Sadat
%%
Those who know, do not say; those who say, do not know.
%%
Those who know me, despise me.
%%
Those who know the least know it the loudest.
%%
Those who lack the courage will always find a
philosophy to justify it.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
Those who learn nothing from history are doomed to repeat it.
 -- Santayana
%%
Those who live by the nit, die by the nit.
%%
Those who live by the sea, shall die by the sea.
%%
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
%%
Those who live closest arrive latest.
 -- Law of Arrival
%%
Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones!
%%
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will
make violent revolution inevitable.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963), 12 March 1962
%%
Those whom computers must destroy, they first drive mad.
%%
Those whom the gods love grow young.
%%
Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first call promising.
 -- Cyril Connolly
%%
Those whom true love has held, it will go on holding.
 -- Seneca
%%
Those who obstinately oppose the most widely held opinions more often
do so because of pride than lack of intelligence. They find the best places in
the right set already taken, and they do not want back seats.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Those who order sleeping drafts won't take them.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Those who play with the Stone get screwed by the Stone.
%%
Those who post unwisely are unable to post
%%
Those who pun should be drawn and quoted.
%%
Those who quit their proper character to assume what does not belong
to them, are for the greater part ignorant of both the character
they leave and of the character they assume.
 -- Edmund Burke
%%
Those who quote me are fools.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Those who run are enemy. Those who don't are well trained enemy.
%%
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
 -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Those who seek more than they need hinder their enjoyment of what they
 actually have.
%%
Those whose hope is weak settle down for comfort
 or for violence; those whose hope is strong see
 and cherish all signs of new life and are ready at
 every moment to help the birth of that which is
 ready to be born.
 -- Erich Fromm (1900-1980)
%%
Those who set out to serve both God and Mammon soon discover there is no God.
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith
%%
Those who soil a Wellington put their foot in it..
%%
"Those who speak know nothing;
  Those who know are silent"
  These words, I am told,
  Were spoken by Lao-tzu.
 -- P Chu-i (772-846)

How is it then, the poem ends; that one who knew, wrote so much?
%%
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
 -- Alex Hamilton, "The Listener", 1978
%%
Those who stare at the past have their backs turned to the future.
%%
Those who suppress freedom always do so in the name of law and order.
 -- John Lindsay
%%
Those who talk about the future are scoundrels.  It is the present
that matters.
%%
Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
%%
Those who tell all they know cause little or no trouble. Only those who tell
more than they know are troublemakers.
%%
Those who think it's tough to make a living as a writer of fiction have
obviously never cheated on their income tax.
%%
Those who think money will do everything may well be suspected
of doing everything for money.
%%
Those who think that two plus two equals four have not recently been to a
 real lumberyard and tried to purchase a two by four.
%%
Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who
 feel that we know everything, especially when we discover that everything
 they know and everything we know does not match.
%%
Those who voluntarily put power into the hands of a tyrant or an
enemy, must not wonder if it be at last turned against themselves.
 -- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Those who want to learn will learn.
Those who do not want to learn will lead enterprises.
Those incapable of either learning or leading will regulate
scholarship and enterprise to death.
 -- Ellard's Law
%%
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
Those who will be able to conquer software will be able to conquer the world.
 -- Tadahiro Sekimoto, president, NEC Corp.
%%
Those who will not reason, perish in the act.
 Those who will not act, perish for that reason.
 -- W. H. Auden, _Shorts_
%%
Those who wish to appear wise among fools, among the wise seem foolish.
 -- Quintilian (42-118 AD)
 -- Institutiones Oratoriae, i, x, 7, 21
%%
Those who won our independence by revolution were not cowards.  They did not
fear political change.  They did not exalt order at the cost of liberty.
 -- Louis D. Banderis
%%
Those who won't think will have it done for them.
%%
Those who worked the hardest are the last to surrender.
 -- Gary Ward
%%
Those who would argue with fools would
 scream at the deaf, with much the same result.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Those who write clearly have readers, those who write obscurely have
commentators.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
%%
Those without heads do not need hats.
%%
Those with the best advice offer no advice.
%%
Those with the weapons make the rules.
%%
Thou art a cat, and a rat, and a coward.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
Thou art all the comfort
The gods will diet me with.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Thou art God(dess).
%%
Thou art gone from my gaze like a beautiful dream,
And I seek thee in vain by the meadow and stream.
 -- George Linley (1798-1865)
 -- Thou art gone
%%
Thou art gone to the grave; but we will not deplore thee,
Though sorrows and darkness encompass the tomb.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- At a Funeral, No. ii
%%
Thou art my own, my darling and my wife;
And when we pass into another life,
Still thou art mine.  All this which now we see
Is but the childhood of eternity.
 -- Arthur Joseph Munby
%%
Thou art notified that thy kind hath infiltrated the galaxy too far
  already. Thou art directed to return to thine own solar system
  immediately.
 -- Q, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
Thou art the man.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel xii, 7
%%
Thou art the Mars of malcontents.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Thou art thy mother's glass, and she in thee
Calls back the lovely April of her prime.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet iii
%%
Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Daniel v, 27
%%
Thou canst not say I did it; never shake
Thy gory locks at me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Thou cutt'st my head off with a golden axe.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber,
at the round table, by a sea-coal fire, upon Wednesday in Wheeson
week.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Thou foster-child of Silence and slow Time.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Ode on a Grecian Urn
%%
Though all afflictions are evils in themselves, yet they are good for
us, because they discover to us our disease and tend to our cure.
 -- John Tillotson
%%
Though all the winds of doctrine were let loose to play upon the earth,
so Truth be in the field, we do ingloriously, by licensing and prohibiting,
to misdoubt her strength. Let her and Falsehood grapple: who ever
knew Truth put to the worse in a free and open encounter?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Areopagitica
%%
Though an angel should write, still 't is devils must print.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Fudges in England, Letter iii
%%
Though a program be but three lines long,
someday it will have to be maintained.
 -- The Tao of Programming
%%
Though chaunge be no robbry.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. iv
%%
Though every prospect pleases,
  And only man is vile.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- Missionary Hymn
%%
Though fraud in other activities be detestable, in the management of war it
 is laudable and glorious, and he who overcomes an enemy by fraud is as much
 to be praised as he who does so by force.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Though he love not to buy the pig in the poke.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
Though her mien carries much more invitation than command, to behold
her is an immediate check to loose behaviour; to love her was a liberal
education.
 -- Sir Richard Steele (1671-1729)
 -- Tatler, No. 49
%%
...though his invention worked superbly -- his theory was a crock
of sewage from
beginning to end.
 -- Vernor Vinge, The Peace War
%%
Though I am always in haste, but never in a hurry.
 -- John Wesley (1703-1791)
 -- Letters (1831), December 10, 1777
%%
Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Though I am not splenitive and rash,
Yet have I something in me dangerous.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Though I am young, I scorn to flit
On the wings of borrowed wit.
 -- George Wither (1588-1667)
 -- The Shepherd's Hunting
%%
Though I be rude in speech.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians xi, 6
%%
Though I'd been taught at our dining room table about the solar system and
 knew the earth revolved around the sun, and our moon around us, I never
 found out the moon didn't come up in the west until I was a writer and
 Herschel Brickell, the literary critic, told me after I misplaced it in a
 story. He said valuable words to me about my new profession: "Always be
 sure you get your moon in the right part of the sky."
 -- Eudora Welty
%%
Though I have said above that all men by nature are equal, I cannot
be supposed to understand all sorts of equality. Age or virtue may
give man a just precedency. Excellency of parts and merit may place
others above the common level ... And yet all this consists with
the equality which all men are in, in respect of jurisdiction or
dominion, one over another.
 -- John Locke
%%
Though I never left, I'm back. :-)
%%
Though I say it that should not say it.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Wit at Several Weapons, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not
charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xiii, 1
%%
Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same...
%%
Though it make the unskilful laugh, cannot but make the judicious grieve.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Though it rain daggers with their points downward.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 3
%%
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night,
I can see paradise by the dashboard light.
 -- Meatloaf
%%
Though last, not least in love.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Though man a thinking being is defined,
Few use the grand prerogative of mind.
How few think justly of the thinking few!
How many never think, who think they do!
 -- Jane Taylor (1783-1824)
 -- Essays in Rhyme, (On Morals and Manners, Prejudice, ) Essay i, Stanza 45
%%
Though many hands make light work, too many cooks spoil the broth.
%%
Though many have tried, no one has ever yet explained away the
decisive fact
that science, which can do so much, cannot decide what it ought to do.
 -- Joseph Wood Kruch
%%
Though men now possess the power to dominate and exploit every corner of the
natural world, nothing in that fact implies that they have the right or the
need to do so.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Though Nestor swear the jest be laughable.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Though old the thought and oft exprest,
'T is his at last who says it best.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- For an Autograph
%%
Though pleased to see the dolphins play,
I mind my compass and my way.
 -- Matthew Green (1696-1737)
 -- The Spleen, Line 93
%%
Though reading and conversation may furnish us with many ideas of
men and things, yet it is our own meditation must form our judgment.
 -- Dr. I. Watts
%%
   Thought alone is eternal.
 -- Owen Meredith
%%
Thought and theory must precede all salutary action; yet action is
nobler in itself than either thought or theory.
 -- William Wordsworth
%%
Though the Camomill, the more it is trodden and pressed downe the
more it spreadeth.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues, 1579 (Arber's reprint), Page 46
%%
Though the mills of God grind slowly, yet they grind exceeding small;
Though with patience He stands waiting, with exactness grinds He all.
 -- Friedrich von Logau (1604-1655)
 -- Retribution, (Sinngedichte)
%%
Though they [philosophers] write contemptu gloriae, yet as Hieron
observes, they will put their names to their books.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 14
%%
Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Though thou be destined to live three thousand years and as many myriads
besides, yet remember that no man loseth other life than that which
he liveth, nor liveth other than that which he loseth.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 14
%%
Though thou canst not forebear to love, forebear to link.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
Though thou shouldst bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle,
yet will not his foolishness depart from him.
 -- Proverbs XXVII, 22
%%
Thought is action in rehearsal
%%
Thought is deeper than all speech,
  Feeling deeper than all thought;
Souls to souls can never teach
  What unto themselves was taught.
 -- Christopher P. Cranch (1813-?)
 -- Stanzas
%%
    Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this
flash is everything.
 -- Henri Poincare
%%
Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Thought is the seed of action.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Thought is the wind, knowledge the sail, and mankind the vessel.
 -- August Hare (1792-1834)
%%
Thought I to myself, we shall never come off scot-free.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xv
%%
Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tried.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Thoughts are free and are subject to no rule.  On them rests the freedom
of man, and they tower above the light of nature.
 -- von Hohenheim (1493-1541)
%%
Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Phaedra, Frag. 854
%%
Thoughts come through people, not from them.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Thoughts shut up want air,
And spoil, like bales unopen'd to the sun.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 466
%%
Thoughts that voluntary move
Harmonious numbers.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 37
%%
Thought the moon was made of green cheese.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. xi
%%
thought, thought, thought, thought = forethought.
%%
"[T]hough we must hold to our faith in the evolution of species, there
is little evidence as to how it has come about, and no clear proof
that the process is continuing in any considerable degree at the present
time."
 -- William Bateson,
 -- Address of the President of the British Association
 -- for the Advancement of Science, August 20, 1914
%%
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it
with us or we find it not.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Essays"
%%
Though wickedness be sweet in his mouth, though he hide it under his tongue.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xx, 12
%%
Though with those streams he no resemblance hold,
Whose foam is amber and their gravel gold;
His genuine and less guilty wealth t' explore,
Search not his bottom, but survey his shore.
 -- Sir John Denham (1615-1668)
 -- Cooper's Hill, Line 165
%%
Thou glorious mirror, where the Almighty's form
Glasses itself in tempests.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 183
%%
Thou great First Cause, least understood.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Universal Prayer, Stanza 2
%%
Thou hast besquirted me, O Leotarded One.
 -- the Evil Sheriff, 'The Ren & Stimpy Show'
%%
Thou hast damnable iteration, and art indeed able to corrupt a saint.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm viii, 5
%%
Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting
a grammar-school; and whereas, before, our forefathers had no other
books but the score and the tally, thou hast caused printing to be
used, and, contrary to the king, his crown and dignity, thou hast
built a paper-mill.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iv, Sc. 7
%%
Thou hast no sorrow in thy song,
  No winter in thy year.
 -- John Logan (1748-1788)
 -- To the Cuckoo
%%
Thou hast no speculation in those eyes
Which thou dost glare with!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Thou hast shown thy people hard things:
thou hast made us to drink the wine
of astonishment.
 -- Psalms 60:3
%%
Thou large-brain'd woman and large-hearted man.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861)
 -- To George Sand, A Desire
%%
Thou little thinkest what a little foolery governs the world.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Pope
%%
Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- On his Blindness
%%
Thousands of days of civilians ...  have produced a...
 feeling for the aesthetic modules --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Thousands of engineers can design bridges.....,but the great
engineer is the man who can tell whether the bridge.....should
be built at all.
 -- Eugene C. Grace
%%
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered -- either by themselves
or by others.
%%
Thousands of journeys have a start but no end.
%%
Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to
find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a
necessity; and that mountain parks and reservations are useful not only as
fountains of timber and irrigating rivers, but as fountains of life.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Thou say'st an undisputed thing
  In such a solemn way.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- To an Insect
%%
Thou seest how few be the things, the which if a man has at his command
his life flows gently on and is divine.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 5
%%
Thou shall flirt shamelessly with all members of the opposite sex.
%%
Thou shall not kill.
%%
Thou shall not kill, unless it's for dinner!
%%
Thou shall not sleep within an interrupt handler.
%%
Thou shalt come to thy grave in a full age, like as a shock of corn
cometh in in his season.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job v, 26
%%
Thou shalt eat green eggs and ham--obey thy God, I-am-that-I-am.
%%
Thou shalt not admit adultery.
%%
Thou shalt not be a smartass!
 -- The 11th COMMANDMENT
%%
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife,
Nor the ox her husband bought her;
But thank the Lord you're not forbidden
To covet your neighbor's daughter.
%%
Thou shalt not get caught.
 -- The Eleventh Commandment
%%
Thou shalt not ________.  <- Insert Favorite Vice.
%%
Thou shalt not kill?  What about Deuteronomy 22:22?
%%
Thou shalt not kill?  What about Exodus 22:18-20?
%%
Thou shalt not kill?  What about Leviticus 20:9-16?
%%
Thou shalt not kill?  What about Numbers 31:17?
%%
Thou shalt not misspell thine neurotransmitters.
%%
Thou shalt not omit adultery.
%%
Thou shalt not post messages while drunk.
%%
Thou shalt pay homage to the god favored by the majority...
%%
Thou shalt remember the 11th commandment and keep it wholly.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Thou, silent form, doth tease us out of thought
  As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Ode on a Grecian Urn
%%
Thou slave, thou wretch, thou coward!
Thou little valiant, great in villany!
Thou ever strong upon the stronger side!
Thou Fortune's champion that dost never fight
But when her humorous ladyship is by
To teach thee safety.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Thou sure and firm-set earth,
Hear not my steps, which way they walk, for fear
Thy very stones prate of my whereabout.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Thou troublest me; I am not in the vein.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Thou trustest in the staff of this broken reed.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxxvi, 6
%%
Thou wast that all to me, love,
For which my soul did pine--
A green isle in the sea, love,
A fountain and shrine,
All wreathed with fairy fruits and flowers,
And all the flowers were mine.
 -- Edgar Allan Poe
%%
Thou wear a lion's hide! doff it for shame,
And hang a calf's-skin on those recreant limbs.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Thou wert a beautiful thought, and softly bodied forth.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 115
%%
Thou wert my guide, philosopher, and friend.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 390
%%
Thou wilt find rest from vain fancies if thou doest every act in life
as though it were thy last.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, ii, 5
%%
Thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more or a hair less
in his beard than thou hast. Thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking
nuts, having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes; what
eye but such an eye, would spy out such a quarrel? Thy head is full
of quarrels, as an egg is full of meat.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Thou wilt scarce be a man before thy mother.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Love's Cure, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
%%
:thrash: vi. To move wildly or violently, without accomplishing
   anything useful.  Paging or swapping systems that are overloaded
   waste most of their time moving data into and out of core (rather
   than performing useful computation) and are therefore said to
   thrash.  Someone who keeps changing his mind (esp. about what to
   work on next) is said to be thrashing.  A person frantically trying
   to execute too many tasks at once (and not spending enough time on
   any single task) may also be described as thrashing.  Compare
   {multitask}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Thrasyllus the Cynic begged a drachm of Antigonus. "That," said he,
"is too little for a king to give." "Why, then," said the other, "give
me a talent." "And that," said he, "is too much for a Cynic (or, for
a dog) to receive."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Antigonus I
%%
Threadbearer: The kid in 3rd grade who can thread the film projector.
%%
:thread: n. [USENET, GEnie, CompuServe] Common abbreviation of
   `topic thread', a more or less continuous chain of postings on a
   single topic.  To `follow a thread' is to read a series of USENET
   postings sharing a common subject or (more correctly) which are
   connected by Reference headers.  The better newsreaders can present
   news in thread order automatically.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Threatening forces oppose your move to Cleveland.
%%
Threats are illogical, and payment is often expensive
 -- Sarek of Vulcan, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.3
%%
Threats don't work with the person who's got nothing to lose.
 -- Maduro Ash
%%
Three be the things I shall never attain:
 Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
%%
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb.
One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all
fell and hurt ourselves.
%%
Three cheers for life.
%%
Three chickens short of a henhouse.
%%
Three doctors were talking about their favorite patients.  The first
said that he preferred operating on Germans because their organs were
lined up in exactly the right position.  The second preferred Japanese
because not only were their organs in exactly the right position, but
they were also color coded.  The third chimed in too.  "I'll take
lawyers any day.  Ever open one of those suckers up?  Only two working
parts - the mouth and the anus, and they are interchangeable."
%%
Three dreaded words:  hard disk failure.
%%
Three dreaded words when making love: Ignore the rash.
%%
Three dreaded words when making love: Is that it?
%%
Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them. He says to the
 first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?" He said, "Well, I live in
 this tall apartment building. I came home late one night, I accused my wife
 of cheating on me, she denied it, we got into a big fight, I got so mad I
 picked up the refrigerator, pushed it out the window, and it gave me a
 heart attack."

 St. Peter said to the next guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?" He
 said, "I was in my convertible in front of this apartment building, and
 this refrigerator came down on my head."

 St. Peter said to the third guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?" He
 said, "I don't know. I was sitting in this refrigerator ..."
 -- George "Goober" Lindsey
%%
Three free thugs set three thugs free.
%%
Three good meals a day is bad living.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.
 -- Trollope
%%
Three hours of bluff seaman's talk about picking the weevils out of
  biscuits and drinking urine is not my idea of entertainment.
 -- Edmund to Melchett : Potato
%%
Three          Hundred          Baud          Tagline.
%%
Three important words of advice to be remembered - Don't give any!
%%
Three Jews go into a bar and buy it!
%%
Threek: a fork with a bent tine.
%%
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
%%
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Three may keepe counsayle, if two be away.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
Three merry boys, and three merry boys,
And three merry boys are we,
As ever did sing in a hempen string
Under the gallows-tree.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Bloody Brother, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Three months of summer are a very small reward for six months of winter.
%%
Three Nevers for Proper Gentlemen

 1. Never shoot south of the Thames.

 2. Never follow whiskey with port.

 3. Never have your wife in the morning--the day may have something better
 to offer.
 -- P. V. Taylor
%%
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to
do.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%
Three of the most frightening alarms we can hear are fire, burglar, and
 wakeup.
%%
THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY
the results of the others didn't make sense and were ignored
 -- Research definitions
%%
Three or four good effective scenes is enough to make a picture
 interesting. That's all you want.
 -- Laslo Benedek
%%
Three out of five people aren't the other two.
%%
Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life:
the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the
suffering of mankind.
 -- Bertrand Russell, Autobiography
%%
Three people came from Indiana, two of whom are famous. Jim Jones, Charles
 Manson, and of course, Dan Quayle.
%%
Three poets, in three distant ages born,
Greece, Italy, and England did adorn.
The first in loftiness of thought surpass'd;
The next, in majesty; in both the last.
The force of Nature could no further go;
To make a third, she join'd the former two.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Under Mr. Milton's Picture
%%
Three removes are as bad as a fire.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
Three rings for the Elven Kings under the sky,
%%
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
 -- J. R. R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings"
%%
Three rules for sounding like an expert:
1. Oversimplify your explanations to the point of uselessness.
2. Always point out second-order effects,
  but never point out when they can be ignored.
3. Come up with three rules.
%%
Three Scottish sizes: Wee, Not-So-Wee and Friggin' Huge!
%%
Three simple words: soemone started it!
%%
Three stories high, long, dull, and old,
As great lords' stories often are.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- The Maid of the Moor
%%
Three tags together in one.
%%
Three thieves and a bard.  What a pitiful group.
%%
Three things are needed for success in painting and sculpture: to see
 beauty when young and accustom oneself to it, to work hard, and to obtain
 good advice.
 -- Gianlorenzo Bernini
%%
Three things have been difficult to tame: The oceans, fools, and women.
We may soon be able to tame the ocean.
Fools and women will take a little longer.
 -- Spiro T. Agnew
%%
Three things in human life are important: The
 first is to be kind.  The second is to be kind.
 And the third is to be kind.
 -- Henry James
%%
Three things it is best to avoid: a strange dog,
a flood, and a man who thinks he is wise.
 -- Welsh Proverb
%%
Three things must epigrams, like bees, have all,
A sting, and honey, and a body small.
What is an epigram? a dwarfish whole,
Its body brevity, and wit its soul
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Three things only do slaves require, food, work, and their gods, and of
the three their gods must never be touched- else they grow restless.
 -- Precepts for Ruling
%%
Three to beam down to Wayne's World.
%%
Three ways to get the word out and about; telegraph, telegram and tell
 someone a secret.
%%
Three women and a goose make a market.
%%
Three words remain that can yet stir the blood of man: the word "rebellion";
the word "revolt"; the word "revolution".
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Three words women love to hear -- no prenupital agreement.
%%
Thre is no truth that cannot be obscured by public relations.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Thrice happy he whose name has been well spelt
In the despatch: I knew a man whose loss
Was printed Grove, although his name was Grose.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto viii, Stanza 18
%%
Thrice he assay'd, and thrice in spite of scorn
Tears, such as angels weep, burst forth.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 619
%%
Thriftless ambition, that wilt ravin up
Thine own life's means!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
Thrift shock: spotting previously owned items at a Salvation Army.
%%
Thrift, thrift, Horatio! the funeral baked meats
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Thrill me, then leave.
%%
Thrones, Dominations, Princedoms, Virtues, Powers.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book v, Line 601
%%
Through art we express our conception of what nature is not.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Picasso Speaks, in The Arts (May 1923)
%%
Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be
made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way round, to consider
the most wretched sort of life as paradise.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf"
%%
Through life's dark road his sordid way he wends,
An incarnation of fat dividends.
 -- Charles Sprague (1791-1875)
 -- Curiosity
%%
Through logic and inference we can prove anything. Therefore, logic and
inference, in contrast to ordinary daily living experience, are secondary
instruments of knowledge. Probably tertiary.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Through our dreams, we go further ...
%%
Through selfless action, he attains fulfillment.
%%
Through tatter'd clothes small vices do appear;
Robes and furr'd gowns hide all.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iv, Sc. 6
%%
Through the gradual introduction of bird seed into your diet, you will
 start to whistle a good deal more, and as well, an additional side benefit,
 you will now be able to overcome the fear of flying that you previously
 had. However, take care, for too much birdseed in your diet will cause you
 to lose your taste for eggs.
%%
Through the laburnum's dropping gold
Rose the light shaft of Orient mould,
And Europe's violets, faintly sweet,
Purpled the mossbeds at its feet.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- The Palm-Tree
%%
Through the sad heart of Ruth, when sick for home
She stood in tears amid the alien corn;
  The same that ofttimes hath
Charm'd magic casements, opening on the foam
Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Ode to a Nightingale
%%
Through these fields of destruction
 Baptisms of fire
 I've watched all your suffering
 As the battles raged higher
 -- Dire Straits "Brothers in Arms"
%%
Through the travail of ages
Midst the pomp and toil of war
Have I fought and strove and perished
Countless times under the star.
As though through a glass and darkly
The age old strife I see
Where I fought in many guises, many names
But always me.
 -- George C. Scott, "Patton", movie
%%
Through thick and thin, both over bank and bush,
In hope her to attain by hook or crook.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- Book iii, Canto i, St. 17
%%
Through thick and thin, both over hill and plain.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Fourth Day, Book iv
%%
Through zeal, knowledge is gotten, through lack of zeal, knowledge
is lost; let a man who knows the double path of gain and loss thus
place himself that knowledge may grow.
 -- Buddha
%%
Throw a lucky man into the sea, and he will come up with a fish in his mouth.
 -- Arabic proverb
%%
Throw another Beach Boy on the fire...
%%
Throw another Ken on the Barbie.
%%
Throw away that useless lump of pumice that never could remove the
slightest bit of dead skin from the tiniest bunion.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Throw away that vibrator device that is supposed to take fat off
your thighs.  Admit it, the thing never worked, did it?
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Throw high risers at the chin; throw peas at the knees; throw it here when
 they're lookin' there; throw it there when they're lookin' here.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
Throw hither all your quaint enamell'd eyes
That on the green turf suck the honied showers,
And purple all the ground with vernal flowers.
Bring the rathe primrose that forsaken dies,
The tufted crow-toe, and pale jessamine,
The white pink, and the pansy freakt with jet,
The glowing violet,
The musk-rose, and the well-attir'd woodbine,
With cowslips wan that hang the pensive head,
And every flower that sad embroidery wears.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 139
%%
 "Throwing Money Away" by Phil T. Rich
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Throw out your Walkman.  Face it, you only ever used the thing when
you went jogging, didn't you?
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Throw rocks at sea-birds; leave no tern un-stoned.
%%
Throw strikes. Home plate don't move.
 -- Satchel Paige
%%
Throw the keyboard out the window to continue.
%%
Throw yourself on the floor, so I don't have to beat you down!
%%
Throw yourself on the ice, so I don't have to get a penalty!
%%
Th-th-th-that's all, folks!
%%
Th-th-th-that's what I think!
%%
:thud: n. 1. Yet another {metasyntactic variable} (see {foo}).
   It is reported that at CMU from the mid-1970s the canonical series of
   these was `foo', `bar', `thud', `blat'.  2. Rare term
   for the hash character, `#' (ASCII 0100011).  See {ASCII} for
   other synonyms.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Thufir's a Harkonnen now.
%%
THUGS EAT THEN ROB PROPRIETOR
%%
 (Thug voice:)  Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now.
 They've been kidnapped!  So at the beep, leave your name, your
 number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper
 bag.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
:thumb: n. The slider on a window-system scrollbar.  So called
   because moving it allows you to browse through the contents of a
   text window in a way analogous to thumbing through a book.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Thunder and lightning:
The image of Biting Through.
Thus the kings of former times made firm the laws
Through clearly defined penalties.
%%
Thunder and rain set in:
The image of Deliverance.
Thus the superior man pardons mistakes
And forgives misdeeds.
%%
Thunder and wind: the image of Duration.
Thus the superior man stands firm
And does not change his direction.
%%
Thunderclap - an extremely violent form of VD.
%%
Thunder comes resounding out of the earth:
The image of Enthusiasm.
Thus the ancient kings made music
In order to honor merit,
And offered it with splendor
To the Supreme Deity,
Inviting their ancestors to be present.
%%
Thunder in heaven above:
The image of The Power of the Great.
Thus the superior man does not tread upon paths
That do not accord with established order.
%%
Thunder in the middle of the lake:
The image of Following.
Thus the superior man at nightfall
Goes indoors for rest and recuperation.
%%
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive;
but it is lightening that does the work.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Correspondence, 1908
%%
Thunder on the mountain:
The image of Preponderance of the Small.
Thus in his conduct the superior man gives preponderance to reverence.
In bereavement he gives preponderance to grief.
In his expenditures he gives preponderance to thrift.
%%
Thunder over the lake:
The image of The Marrying Maiden.
Thus the superior man
Understands the transitory
In the light of the eternity of the end.
%%
Thunder repeated: the image of Shock.
Thus in fear and trembling
The superior man sets his life in order
And examines himself.
%%
Thunder within the earth:
The image of The Turning Point.
Thus the kings of antiquity closed the passes
At the time of solstice.
Merchants and strangers did not go about,
And the ruler
Did not travel through the provinces.
%%
Thus adorned, the two heroes, 'twixt shoulder and elbow,
Shook hands and went to 't; and the word it was bilbow.
 -- John Byrom (1691-1763)
 -- Upon a Trial of Skill between the Great Masters of the Noble Science
 -- of Defence, Messrs, Figg and Sutton
%%
Thus all below is strength, and all above is grace.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Epistle to Congreve, Line 19
%%
Thus far into the bowels of the land
Have we marched on without impediment.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Thus far we run before the wind.
 -- Arthur Murphy (1727-1805)
 -- The Apprentice, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
    Thus, from the war of nature, from famine and death, the
most exalted object which we are capable of conceiving,
namely, the production of the higher animals, directly
follows.
 -- Charles Darwin
%%
Thus grief still treads upon the heels of pleasure;
Married in haste, we may repent at leisure.
 -- William Congreve (1670-1729)
 -- The Old Bachelor, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Thus hand in hand through life we 'll go;
Its checker'd paths of joy and woe
  With cautious steps we 'll tread.
 -- Nathaniel Cotton (1707-1788)
 -- The Fireside, Stanza 31
%%
Thus heavenly hope is all serene,
  But earthly hope, how bright soe'er,
Still fluctuates o'er this changing scene,
  As false and fleeting as 't is fair.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- On Heavenly Hope and Earthly Hope
%%
Thus I have heard:

The worth of a program cannot be judged by the size of its brochures or by
the number of full-page ads that appear in popular computer magazines. The
louder the noise, the less likely it is that the program will be useful.
Truly excellent programs need no advertising; word of mouth is sufficient.
 -- The Zen of Programming
%%
Thus in the beginning the world was so made that certain signs come
before certain events.
 -- Cicero (106-43 BC)
 -- De Divinatione, i, 118
%%
Thus I steer my bark, and sail
On even keel, with gentle gale.
 -- Matthew Green (1696-1737)
 -- The Spleen, Line 93
%%
Thus it appears everything here is marching to music, and the harmonies are a
so simple and young they are easily apprehended by those who will keep still
and listen and look.
 -- John Muir
%%
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown,
  Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
  Tell where I lie.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Ode on Solitude
%%
Thus ornament is but the guiled shore
To a most dangerous sea.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Thus she stood amid the stooks,
Praising God with sweetest looks.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Ruth
%%
Thus spake the master Ninjei:
"If your application does not run correctly, do not blame the operating
system."
 -- The Zen of Programming
%%
Thus spake the master programmer:
"When the program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes."
 -- The Tao of Programming
%%
Thus, the cookie crumbles.
%%
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless
 you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
Thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Thus times do shift,--each thing his turn does hold;
New things succeed, as former things grow old.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- Ceremonies for Candlemas Eve
%%
Thus use your frog: put your hook--I mean the arming wire--through
his mouth and out at his gills, and then with a fine needle and silk
sew the upper part of his leg with only one stitch to the arming wire
of your hook, or tie the frog's leg above the upper joint to the armed
wire; and in so doing use him as though you loved him.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 8
%%
Thus we play the fools with the time, and the spirits of the wise
sit in the clouds and mock us.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Thus when I shun Scylla, your father, I fall into Charybdis, your mother.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
Thus, when the lamp that lighted
  The traveller at first goes out,
He feels awhile benighted,
  And looks around in fear and doubt.
But soon, the prospect clearing,
  By cloudless starlight on he treads,
And thinks no lamp so cheering
  As that light which Heaven sheds.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- I 'd mourn the Hopes
%%
Thus with the year
Seasons return; but not to me returns
Day, or the sweet approach of even or morn,
Or sight of vernal bloom or summer's rose,
Or flocks, or herds, or human face divine;
But cloud instead, and ever-during dark
Surrounds me; from the cheerful ways of men
Cut off, and for the book of knowledge fair
Presented with a universal blank
Of Nature's works, to me expung'd and raz'd,
And wisdom at one entrance quite shut out.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iii, Line 40
%%
Thus woe succeeds a woe, as wave a wave.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- Sorrows Succeed
%%
Thus would I double my life's fading space;
For he that runs it well, runs twice his race.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Discourse xi, Of Myself, St. xi
%%
Th vwls n m kbrd dn't wrk vry wll, d thy??
%%
Thy children like olive plants
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxviii, 3
%%
Thy fatal shafts unerring move,
I bow before thine altar, Love!
 -- Tobias Smollett (1721-1771)
 -- Roderick Random, Chap. xl
%%
Thy freddled gorgonaut is crulish to the jello.
 -- Vorgon Poet
%%
Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Thy honesty and love doth mince this matter.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Thy ignominy sleep with thee in the grave,
But not remember'd in thy epitaph!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Thy leaf has perish'd in the green,
  And while we breathe beneath the sun,
  The world, which credits what is done,
Is cold to all that might have been.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- lxxv, Stanza 4
%%
Thy
Linking our England to his Italy.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Ring and the Book, The Book and the Ring, Line 873
%%
Thy liquid notes that close the eye of day.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Sonnet to the Nightingale
%%
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
%%
Thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Samuel i, 26
%%
Thy modesty 's a candle to thy merit.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Thy money perish with thee.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts viii, 20
%%
Thy old groans ring yet in my ancient ears.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Thy people shall be willing in the day of thy power, in the beauties
of holiness from the womb of the morning: thou hast the dew of thy
youth.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cx, 3
%%
Thy purpose firm is equal to the deed:
Who does the best his circumstance allows
Does well, acts nobly; angels could no more.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 90
%%
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxiii, 4
%%
Thyself and thy belongings
Are not thine own so proper as to waste
Thyself upon thy virtues, they on thee.
Heaven doth with us as we with torches do,
Not light them for themselves; for if our virtues
Did not go forth of us, 't were all alike
As if we had them not. Spirits are not finely touch'd
But to fine issues, nor Nature never lends
The smallest scruple of her excellence
But, like a thrifty goddess, she determines
Herself the glory of a creditor,
Both thanks and use.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Thy spirit, Independence, let me share;
  Lord of the lion heart and eagle eye,
Thy steps I follow with my bosom bare,
  Nor heed the storm that howls along the sky.
 -- Tobias Smollett (1721-1771)
 -- Ode to Independence
%%
Thy steady temper, Portius,
Can look on guilt, rebellion, fraud, and Caesar,
In the calm lights of mild philosophy.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Thy wish was father, Harry, to that thought.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxix, 105
%%
Tiananmen Square: Gun Control Strikes Again
%%
TIA - Thanks In Advance
%%
TICKET AGENCY: Another name for SCALPER SCUM!
%%
:tickle a bug: vt. To cause a normally hidden bug to manifest
   itself through some known series of inputs or operations.  "You
   can tickle the bug in the Paradise VGA card's highlight handling by
   trying to set bright yellow reverse video."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:tick-list features: [Acorn Computers] n. Features in software or
   hardware that customers insist on but never use (calculators in
   desktop TSRs and that sort of thing).  The American equivalent
   would be `checklist features', but this jargon sense of the
   phrase has not been reported.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:tick: n. 1. A {jiffy} (sense 1).  2. In simulations, the
   discrete unit of time that passes between iterations of the
   simulation mechanism.  In AI applications, this amount of time is
   often left unspecified, since the only constraint of interest is
   the ordering of events.  This sort of AI simulation is often
   pejoratively referred to as `tick-tick-tick' simulation,
   especially when the issue of simultaneity of events with long,
   independent chains of causes is {handwave}d.  3. In the FORTH
   language, a single quote character.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tick - Tock, Tick - Tock. Time is wasting away...
%%
Tic Tac Toe and way to go
%%
Tie a yellow ribbon around Jane Fonda's neck..
%%
TIEKH NUNEH OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM.
The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you.
I must have the recipe.
 -- Useful phrases to know when traveling in moslem areas
%%
Tieline - the latest in neckwear
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Tie m'kangaroo down sport, tie m'kangaroo down!
%%
Tie two birds together and though they have four wings, they cannot fly.
%%
TIE
  Useless piece of clothing, usually worn by men. For this reason the
  tie is often seen as a phallic symbol, but in fact it was devised
  as a substitute to prevent men being irritated by not being able to
  rub their own chest hair. The tie is therefore seen as the symbol
  of sophisticated man, an evolving species, with no time for the
  troglodytes of yesterday. "Ug, me no fondle chest hair. Me fondle
  tie instead. Tie good. Me fiddle with knot."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
   Tie?  You want me to wear a *tie*?  Listen:  There's only one time in
a man's life when he should have a rope knotted around his neck, and that
time ain't yet come for me.
 -- Canada Bill Jones
%%
TIGER IN THE BATHROOM by Claude Bawls
%%
Tiger In The Outhouse - By Claud Balls
%%
Tiger Lost On Chicago Freeways For Sixteen Days.
%%
TIGER'S REVENGE  by Claude Balls
%%
:tiger team: [U.S. military jargon] n. 1. Originally, a team whose
   purpose is to penetrate security, and thus test security measures.
   These people are paid professionals who do hacker-type tricks,
   e.g., leave cardboard signs saying "bomb" in critical defense
   installations, hand-lettered notes saying "Your codebooks have
   been stolen" (they usually haven't been) inside safes, etc.  After
   a successful penetration, some high-ranking security type shows up
   the next morning for a `security review' and finds the sign,
   note, etc., and all hell breaks loose.  Serious successes of tiger
   teams sometimes lead to early retirement for base commanders and
   security officers (see the {patch} entry for an example).
   2. Recently, and more generally, any official inspection team or
   special {firefighting} group called in to look at a problem.

   A subset of tiger teams are professional {cracker}s, testing the
   security of military computer installations by attempting remote
   attacks via networks or supposedly `secure' comm channels.  Some of
   their escapades, if declassified, would probably rank among the
   greatest hacks of all times.  The term has been adopted in
   commercial computer-security circles in this more specific sense.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tiger Tim the Tightrope Walker, tried to steal the drag queen's daughter.
%%
Tighten 'til it cracks, then back off half a turn.
 -- Mechanics' Rule
%%
Tight Situation: Leah Tard
%%
TIGHTS, n.  An habiliment of the stage designed to reinforce the
general acclamation of the press agent with a particular publicity.
Public attention was once somewhat diverted from this garment to Miss
Lillian Russell's refusal to wear it, and many were the conjectures as
to her motive, the guess of Miss Pauline Hall showing a high order of
ingenuity and sustained reflection.  It was Miss Hall's belief that
nature had not endowed Miss Russell with beautiful legs.  This theory
was impossible of acceptance by the male understanding, but the
conception of a faulty female leg was of so prodigious originality as
to rank among the most brilliant feats of philosophical speculation!
It is strange that in all the controversy regarding Miss Russell's
aversion to tights no one seems to have thought to ascribe it to what
was known among the ancients as "modesty."  The nature of that
sentiment is now imperfectly understood, and possibly incapable of
exposition with the vocabulary that remains to us.  The study of lost
arts has, however, been recently revived and some of the arts
themselves recovered.  This is an epoch of _renaissances_, and there
is ground for hope that the primitive "blush" may be dragged from its
hiding-place amongst the tombs of antiquity and hissed on to the
stage.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Tigre contro tigre.
[tiger against tiger.]
%%
Till Birnam wood remove to Dunsinane,
I cannot taint with fear.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Till morning fair
Came forth with pilgrim steps in amice gray.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Regained, Book iv, Line 426
%%
Till old experience do attain
To something like prophetic strain.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 173
%%
Till Peter's keys some christen'd Jove adorn,
And Pan to Moses lends his pagan horn.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iii, Line 109
%%
Till their own dreams at length deceive 'em,
And oft repeating, they believe 'em.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Alma, Canto iii, Line 13
%%
Till then we shall be content to admit openly, what you (religionists)
whisper under your breath or hide in technical jargon, that the ancient
secret is a secret still; that man knows nothing of the Infinite and
Absolute; and that, knowing nothing, he had better not be dogmatic about
his ignorance. And, meanwhile, we will endeavour to be as charitable as
possible, and whilst you trumpet forth officially your contempt for our
skepticism, we will at least try to believe that you are imposed upon
by your own bluster.
 -- Leslie Stephen (1832-1904), "An agnostic's Apology",
 -- Fortnightly Review, 1876
%%
Till then, we've got bugger all to do except sit and wait.
Oh, I dunno sir, we could have a jolly game of charades? Or a
  sing-along to musical hits such as 'Birmingham Bertie'...and
  'Whoops, Mrs Miggins, you're Sitting on my Artichokes!'...
Yes...I think 'bugger all' might be rather more fun...
 -- Edmund and George : Goodbyeee...
%%
      Till the sun grows cold,
      And the stars are old,
And the leaves of the Judgment Book unfold.
 -- Bayard Taylor (1825-1878)
 -- Bedouin Song
%%
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM!
%%
Til we cross-references again.....
%%
TIM: But follow only if you are men of valour.  For the entrance to this cave
     is guarded by a monster, a creature so foul and cruel that no man yet has
     fought with it and lived.  Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its
     lair ...
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Time accelerates with age.
%%
Time: A descending scale of intelligence.
%%
Time always seems long to the child who is waiting,
 -- for Christmas, for next summer, for becoming a grownup,
long also when he surrenders his whole soul
to each moment of a happy day.
 -- Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish secretary general of the United Nations
%%
Time and place for everything! My place at 8..everything!
%%
Time and space are reeaaly easy.
%%
Time and space can be a bitch.
 -- Gooshie on Quantum Leap
%%
Time and tide, nothing and no one can stop us now...
%%
Time and tide wait for no one.
%%
Time and tide wait for no woman,
but time always stands still for a man of thirty.
%%
Time as he grows old teaches many lessons.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Prometheus, 981
%%
Time, because it is so fleeting, time, because it is beyond recall, is
the most precious of human goods and to squander it is the most delicate form
of dissipation in which man can indulge.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), "The Bum"
%%
:time bomb: n. A subspecies of {logic bomb} that is triggered by
   reaching some preset time, either once or periodically.  There are
   numerous legends about time bombs set up by programmers in their
   employers' machines, to go off if the programmer is fired or laid
   off and is not present to perform the appropriate suppressing
   action periodically.

   Interestingly, the only such incident for which we have been
   pointed to documentary evidence took place in the Soviet Union in
   1986!  A disgruntled programmer at the Volga Automobile Plant
   (where the Fiat clones called Ladas were manufactured) planted a
   time bomb which, a week after he'd left on vacation, stopped the
   entire main assembly line for a day.  The case attracted lots of
   attention in the Soviet Union because it was the first cracking
   case to make it to court there.  The perpetrator got 3 years in
   jail.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Time cancels young pain.
 -- Euripides (431 BC)
%%
Time dissipates to shining ether the solid angularity of facts.
 -- Emerson
%%
Time does not relinquish its rights, either over human beings or over
mountains.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
Time...do you really believe the past arranges itself
for our convenience into those paltry little squares they
print on calendars?
%%
Time eases all things.
 -- Sophocles (406 BC)
%%
Time elaborately thrown away.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- The Last Day, Book i
%%
Time flies, death urges, knells call, Heaven invites,
Hell threatens.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 292
%%
Time flies even when you're screwing around.
%%
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
Time flies when you're dazed and confused.
%%
Time flies when you're having bugs.
%%
Time flies when you're in a coma.
%%
Time for a nice pot of tea.
%%
Time for another tea party; at Washington this time!
%%
Time for a quick adventure, then back for tea.
%%
Time for culture, gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet.
%%
Time for Timer!
%%
Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life.  You must
never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean
to you.
 -- From the last episode of "Cheers"
%%
Time goes, you say?
Ah no!
Time stays, *we* go.
 -- Austin Dobson
%%
Time has a wonderful way of weeding out the trivial.
 -- Richard Ben Sapir
%%
      Time has laid his hand
Upon my heart gently, not smiting it,
But as a harper lays his open palm
Upon his harp, to deaden its vibrations.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Tales of a Wayside Inn, The Golden Legend
%%
Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts.
%%
Time has touched me gently in his race,
And left no odious furrows in my face.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- Tales of the Hall, Book xvii, The Widow
%%
Time heals.
%%
Time heals all non-fatal wounds.
%%
Time heals all wounds.
%%
Time is a child playing draughts: the kingship is in the hands of the child.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
Time is a great teacher but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
 -- Hector Berlioz (1803-69), French composer.
%%
Time is a leading factor in death from old age.
%%
Time is an illusion.
%%
Time is an illusion....especially while modeming!
%%
Time is an illusion.  Lunchtime doubly so.
 -- Ford Prefect,in Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_
%%
Time is a random wind that blows down a long corridor, slamming all the doors.
%%
Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current;
no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another
takes its place, and this too will be swept away.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 43
%%
Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds,
runs out and will tell.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Time is bunk.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Time is fluid ... like a river with currents, eddies, backwash.
 -- Spock, "The City on the Edge of Forever," stardate 3134.0.
%%
Time is flying never to return.
 -- Vergil
%%
Time is important; try to answer as quickly as possible.
%%
Time is just an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
 -- Graffiti
%%
    Time is like a river, flowing endlessly through the
universe.  And if you poled your flatboat in that river, you
might fight your way against the current and travel upstream
into the past.  Or go with the flow and rush into the future.
This was in a less cynical time before toxic waste dumping and
pollution filled the waterway of Chronus with the detritus of
empty hours, wasted minutes, years of repetition and time that
has been killed.
 -- Harlan Ellison
%%
Time is like money; the less we have of it to spare,
the further we make it go.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
Time is like money... You never have enough.
%%
Time is money, and many people pay their debts with it.
%%
Time is money and money can't buy you love and I love your outfit.
 -- THUNDER #1
%%
Time is Money!  Steal some today!
%%
Time is of the essence, so close the door!
%%
Time is precious, but truth is more so.
%%
Time is relative. Ten minutes in a dentist's chair can go by much more
 slowly than a two week vacation.
%%
Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at
 once.  Lately it doesn't seem to be working.
%%
Time is the chrysalis of eternity.
 -- Richter
%%
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you
can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people
spend it for you.
 -- Carl Sandburg
%%
Time is the devourer of all things.
%%
Time is the dressmaker specializing in alterations.
%%
Time is the gravedigger of happiness.
 -- Venerable Italian Proverb
%%
Time is the great legalizer, even in the field of morals.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "A Book of Prefaces", 1917
%%
Time is the image of eternity.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Plato, xli
%%
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
 -- Theophrastus
%%
Time is the old Justice, that examines all offenders.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Time is the only critic without ambition.
 -- John Steinbeck (1902-1968), "Writers at Work', 1977
%%
Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in...At least being lost
in space kept you busy.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.
 -- John Archibald Wheeler (1911- )
 -- American J. of Physics, 1978, 46, 323
%%
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future...
%%
Time Lords say, "Go ahead, make my yesterday".
%%
Timely advis'd, the coming evil shun!
 -- Prior
%%
Time may restore us in his course
Goethe's sage mind and Byron's force;
But where will Europe's latter hour
Again find Wordsworth's healing power?
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
 -- Memorial Verses
%%
TIME: Natures way of preventing that everything happens simultanously
%%
TIMEOUT
%%
Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the
            system to complete boot procedure.
 -- WindowError: 683
%%
Time paradoxes are disgusting! Never mind what care you take.
You always find you got there just in Time to cause your grandad's wake.
%%
    Time, place, and action may with pains be wrought, / But
Genius must be born; and can never be taught.
 -- John Congreve
%%
Time really flies when you don't know what you're doing.
%%
Time ripens all things. No man is born wise.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. xxxiii
%%
Times are bad.  Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is
writing a book.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Times are hard, times are so hard right now people who don't intend to pay
 ain't buyin'.
 -- Slappy White
%%
Times are so hard in NYC that the Mafia has even laid off four judges.
%%
Times before you, when even living men were antiquities,--when the
living might exceed the dead, and to depart this world could not be
properly said to go unto the greater number.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Dedication to Urn-Burial
%%
Time's fun when you're having flies.
 -- Kermit the Frog
%%
Time's gradual touch has moulder'd into beauty many a tower which
when it frown'd with all its battlements, was only terrible.
 -- Mason
%%
Time shall unfold what plaited cunning hides.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Time sharing ends in 5 minutes.
%%
Time-sharing is the junk-mail part of the computer business.
 -- H. R. J. Grosch [attributed]
%%
Timesharing just doesn't work.
 -- Ken Thompson
 -- 1982
%%
:time sink: [poss. by analogy with `heat sink' or `current sink'] n.
   A project that consumes unbounded amounts of time.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.
 -- Jon Lithgow on "Saturday Night Live"
%%
:times-or-divided-by: [by analogy with `plus-or-minus'] quant.
   Term occasionally used when describing the uncertainty associated
   with a scheduling estimate, for either humorous or brutally honest
   effect.  For a software project, the scheduling uncertainty factor
   is usually at least 2.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Time spent at Cons does not count against your lifespan.
%%
Time stands still, baby when I touch you...
%%
Time Stands Still! Film at 11:00, or whenever.
%%
Time still, as he flies, brings increase to her truth,
And gives to her mind what he steals from her youth.
 -- Edward Moore (1712-1757)
 -- The Happy Marriage
%%
Time Stops for no man.  Except me.
%%
Time takes time.
%%
Time: That which man is always trying to kill,
but which ends in killing him.
 -- Herbert Spencer
%%
Time--the beginning of all beginnings.   Two forces, only good and
 evil, then chaos.  Time is born, matter, space.  The universe cries
 out like a newborn.  The forces shatter as the universe explodes
 outwards.  Only echoes remain, and yet somehow--somehow, the evil force
survives, an intelligence--pure evil.
 -- Dr. McCoy, CURSE OF FENRIC
%%
Time to call in a strategic air strike on this bug.
%%
Time to call in the calvary.
%%
Time to call in the marines.
%%
Time to die...
 -- Roy Batty
%%
Time to eat lunch.
%%
Time to go home.
%%
Time to go home and write mom a nice long letter.
%%
Time to Iraq'n'roll.. make Baghdad bounce..
%%
Time to pester the sysop into picking up the Wilderness echo!
%%
TIME TO PLAY!
%%
Time to punt.
%%
Time to stop and try to gain some perspective.
%%
Time to take stock.
Go home with some office supplies.
%%
Time travel gives me nosebleeds.
 -- LaForge
%%
Time travel instructions: "Fold along the dotted plane".
%%
Time-Travelling Tagline v1.0 = Copyright (C) January 1, 2097
%%
Time travels in divers paces with divers persons. I 'll tell you who
Time ambles withal, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops withal,
and who he stands still withal.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
TIME TRAXX -- Bringing you tomorrow's technology TODAY!
%%
Time trieth troth in every doubt.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. v
%%
:time T: /ti:m T/ n. 1. An unspecified but usually well-understood
   time, often used in conjunction with a later time T+1.
   "We'll meet on campus at time T or at Louie's at
   time T+1" means, in the context of going out for dinner:
   "We can meet on campus and go to Louie's, or we can meet at Louie's
   itself a bit later."  (Louie's was a Chinese restaurant in Palo Alto
   that was a favorite with hackers.)  Had the number 30 been used instead
   of the number 1, it would have implied that the travel time from
   campus to Louie's is 30 minutes; whatever time T is (and
   that hasn't been decided on yet), you can meet half an hour later at
   Louie's than you could on campus and end up eating at the same time.
   See also {since time T equals minus infinity}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Time waits for no one at all, not even you.
%%
Time Warner: bringing you the finest in cradle-to-grave thought management.
%%
Time was invented so that you don't have to do everything all at once.
Space was invented so you don't have to do everything all in the same place.
%%
Time whereof the memory of man runneth not to the contrary.
 -- Sir William Blackstone (1723-1780)
 -- Commentaries, Vol. i, Book i, Chap. xviii, Section 472
%%
Time will end all my troubles,
but I don't always approve of Time's methods.
%%
Time will run back and fetch the age of gold.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Hymn on Christ's Nativity, Line 135
%%
Time wounds all heels.
 -- Jane Ace
%%
Time writes no wrinkle on thine azure brow,--
Such as creation's dawn beheld, thou rollest now.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 182
%%
Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
 -- WindowError: 01E
%%
Timothy: "Androids are better than humans?"
Data: "'Better' is a highly subjective term.  I do not for example possess the
  ability to experience emotion as humans do."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "Are you going to lift that?"
Data: "Yes."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "Can we still do things together?  Even if I'm not really an android?"
Data: "I have many human friends.  I would be pleased to count you among them."
Timothy: "'That would be...acceptable.'"
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "Data, are there any other androids in Starfleet?"
Data: "No.  I am the only one."
Timothy: "How come you're not captain?"
Data: "My service record does not yet warrant such a position."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "Data, can we build something else...later?"
Data: "That would be acceptable."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "Data, how come you can do that?"
Data: "I am designed to exceed human capacity, both mentally and physically."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "Data, what's the most scariest thing that ever happened to you?"
Data: "Fear is not a quality that I possess."
Timothy: "Because you're emotionless."
Data: "Correct."
Timothy: "Well, what, what if you, you had a nightmare?"
Data: "I have never had a nightmare.  I do not require sleep.  Are you having
  disturbing dreams?"
Timothy: "'I do not require sleep.'"
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "How can you lift something so heavy?"
Data: "I am an android.  My strength is many times that of a human."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "'I am designed to exceed human capacity.'  'That is correct.'"
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "I can't do anything right."
Data: "You are making an unwarranted extrapolation."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "I, I think that was pretty silly when I had my hair like yours and
  everything."
Data: "I have been told that imitation is the highest form of flattery."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "No emotions?  You mean you can't be happy...or sad?"
Data: "That is correct."
Timothy: "Why not?"
Data: "My positronic brain is not capbable of generating those conditions."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "That's how it was...when it started on the Vico."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "This is great.  How is yours?"
Data: "The complex polysaccharides, in reaction with the carbon dioxide,
  produces an unusual combination of texture and effervescence."
Timothy: "But how does it taste?  Is it good?"
Data: "I am not capable of tasting in the manner you suggest.  However, I can
  analyze the composition of a dessert, then make comparative conclusions about
  its possible effect on the human palatte.  But I neither like it, nor dislike
  it."
Timothy: "Oh, I didn't realize that."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "What do you think?"
Data: "Do you wish a frank evaluation?"
Timothy: [Nods yes]
Data: "It lacks the harmony that characterized this particular temple, and the
  Docharan culture in general."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "Would you like anything, Counselor?"
Troi: "No, I'm fine, thank you."
Timothy: "As you wish."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Timothy: "You hate it."
Data: "No.  I am not capable of hatred."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
 Tim's dead!  And God only knows where Lisa is!  Fortunately
 resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time
 to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next
 miracle occurs.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
TIM:   That is not an ordinary rabbit ... 'tis the most foul cruel and
       bad-tempered thing you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: You tit.  I soiled my armour I was so scared!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
TIM:    Too late.
ARTHUR: What?
TIM:    There he is!
   [They all turn,, and see a large white RABBIT lollop a few yards out of the
   cave.  Accompanied by terrifying chord and jarring metallic monster noise.]
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
TIM: To the north there lies a cave,  the cave of Caerbannog, wherein, carved
     in mystic runes, upon the very living rock, the last words of Olfin
     Bedwere of Rheged make plain the last resting place of the most Holy
     Grail.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Tin cans and a string....
%%
Tinker Bell is having Elmer Fudd's baby.
 -- Outland.
%%
Tinkering with time is always a bad idea.
 -- The Doctor
%%
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sysop - John Le Carrier
%%
Tin openers are rare indeed.
%%
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Tinseltown Tales: Holly Wood
%%
TINSTAFL!--There is no such thing as free love.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Tiny Toon Adventures starring Buster and Babs Bunny with Ross Perot.
%%
TIO: Take It Over
%%
Tip #1: How to tell when you are dead.

(1) Little things start bothering you: little things like worms, bugs,
ants.
(2) Something is missing in your personal relationships.
(3) Your dog becomes overly affectionate.
(4) You have a hard time getting a waiter.
(5) Exotic birds flock around you.
(6) People ignore you at parties.
(7) You have a hard time getting up in the morning.
(8) You no longer get off on cocaine.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
Tip: If you let the smoke out of a component, it won't work anymore.
%%
:tip of the ice-cube: [IBM] n. The visible part of something small and
   insignificant.  Used as an ironic comment in situations where `tip
   of the iceberg' might be appropriate if the subject were at all
   important.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tipper Gore is a closet ditto-head!
%%
Tips and taxes not included.
%%
   Tips for aliens in New York:
   Land anywhere.  Central Park, anywhere.  No one will care or indeed
even notice.
   Surviving: get a job as a cabdriver immediately.  A cabdriver's job
is to drive people anywhere they want to go in big yellow machines
called taxis. Don't worry if you don't know how the machine works and
you can't speak the language, don't understand the geography or indeed
the basic physics of the area, and have large green antennae growing out
of your head.  Believe me, this is the best way of staying
inconspicuous.
   If your body is REALLY weird, try showing it to people in the streets
for money.
   Amphibious life forms from any of the worlds in the Swulling, Noxios,
or Nausalia systems will particularly enjoy the East River, which is
said to be richer in those lovely life-giving nutrients than the finest
and most virulent laboratory slime yet achieved.
   Having fun: this is the big section. It is impossible to have more
fun without electrocuting your pleasure center....
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land
 in Los Angeles.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
Tip: Wages we pay other people's hired help.
%%
Tip well, even if you're a student.
%%
:tired iron: [IBM] n. Hardware that is perfectly functional but
   far enough behind the state of the art to have been superseded by new
   products, presumably with sufficient improvement in bang-per-buck that
   the old stuff is starting to look a bit like a {dinosaur}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tired nature's sweet restorer, balmy sleep!
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 1
%%
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
%%
Tiretread Tenderized Turtle
 -- Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special
%%
'T is a common proof,
That lowliness is young ambition's ladder,
Whereto the climber-upward turns his face;
But when he once attains the upmost
He then unto the ladder turns his back,
Looks in the clouds, scorning the base degrees
By which he did ascend.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
'T is a cruelty
To load a falling man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
'T is a fault to Heaven,
A fault against the dead, a fault to nature,
To reason most absurd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
'T is a little thing
To give a cup of water; yet its draught
Of cool refreshment, drained by fevered lips,
May give a shock of pleasure to the frame
More exquisite than when nectarean juice
Renews the life of joy in happiest hours.
 -- Thomas Noon Talfourd (1795-1854)
 -- Ion, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
'T is all men's office to speak patience
To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
But no man's virtue nor sufficiency
To be so moral when he shall endure
The like himself.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
'T is always morning somewhere in the world.
 -- Richard Hengest Horne (1803-1884)
 -- Orion, Book iii, Canto ii, (1843.)
%%
'T is a naughty night to swim in.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
 -- Malaclypse the Younger
%%
'T is an old maxim in the schools,
That flattery 's the food of fools;
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to take a bit.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Cadenus and Vanessa
%%
'T is as cheap sitting as standing.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue i
%%
'T is as easy as lying.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Tis as rare as a Republican in a Social Service agency.
%%
'T is a stinger.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- More Dissemblers besides Women, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
'T is a very fine thing to be father-in-law
To a very magnificent three-tailed Bashaw!
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- Blue Beard, Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
'T is a wise saying, Drive on your own track.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
'T is beauty calls, and glory shows the way.
 -- Nathaniel Lee (1655-1692)
 -- Alexander the Great, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
'T is beauty truly blent, whose red and white
Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:
Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive
If you will lead these graces to the grave
And leave the world no copy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
'T is believ'd that this harp which I wake now for thee
Was a siren of old who sung under the sea.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Origin of the Harp
%%
'Tis better that a man's own works, than that another man's words
should praise him.
 -- L'Estrange
%%
Tis better to be hunter than hunted.
%%
'T is better to be lowly born,
And range with humble livers in content,
Than to be perked up in a glistering grief,
And wear a golden sorrow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
'T is better to be vile than vile esteem'd,
When not to be receives reproach of being;
And the just pleasure lost which is so deem'd,
Not by our feeling, but by others' seeing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet cxxi
%%
Tis better to delete one flame than to survive copy buffer terrorism.
 --  I.  Net
%%
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
 -- Alfred Lord Tennyson, (1809-1892)
  In Memoriam, 1850, line 27, stanza 4
%%
Tis better to live than to conceive...
%%
'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's
mouth and remove all doubt.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
'T is but a part we see, and not a whole.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 60
%%
Tis but a scratch!
%%
'T is but the fate of place, and the rough brake
That virtue must go through.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
'T is chastity, my brother, chastity:
She that has that is clad in complete steel.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 420
%%
'T is distance lends enchantment to the view,
And robes the mountain in its azure hue.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part i, Line 7
%%
'Tis easier for the generous to forgive, Than for offense to ask it.
 -- Thomson
%%
'T is education forms the common mind:
Just as the twig is bent the tree 's inclined.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 149
%%
'T is elder Scripture, writ by God's own hand,--
Scripture authentic! uncorrupt by man.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night ix, Line 644
%%
'T is expectation makes a blessing dear;
Heaven were not heaven if we knew what it were.
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- Against Fruition
%%
'T is fortune gives us birth,
But Jove alone endues the soul with worth.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xx, Line 290
%%
'T is from high life high characters are drawn;
A saint in crape is twice a saint in lawn.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 135
%%
'T is greatly wise to talk with our past hours,
And ask them what report they bore to heaven.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 376
%%
'T is happy for him that his father was before him.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue iii
%%
'Tis hard if all is false that I advance.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Conversation, Line 96
%%
  'T is heaven alone that is given away;
'T is only God may be had for the asking.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Vision of Sir Launfal, Prelude to Part First
%%
'Tis home felt pleasure prompts the patriot's sigh; This makes him
wish to live and dare to die.
 -- Campbell
%%
'T is immortality to die aspiring,
As if a man were taken quick to heaven.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Conspiracy of Charles, Duke of Byron, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
'T is impious in a good man to be sad.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 676
%%
'Tis in my memory lock'd, And you yourself shall keep the key of it.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
'T is just like a summer bird-cage in a garden,--the birds that are
without despair to get in, and the birds that are within despair and
are in a consumption for fear they shall never get out.
 -- John Webster (c. 1580-1625)
 -- The White Devil, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
tisk, tisk, tisk
 -- C Error #030
%%
'T is lack of kindly warmth.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
'Tis late before The brave despair.
 -- Thomson
%%
'T is man's to fight, but Heaven's to give success.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vi, Line 427
%%
'T is merry in hall
Where beards wag all.
 -- Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580)
 -- August's Abstract
%%
'T is my vocation, Hal; 't is no sin for a man to labour in his vocation.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
'T is neither here nor there.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
'T is not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
'T is not for nothing that we life pursue;
It pays our hopes with something still that 's new.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Aurengzebe, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
'T is not in mortals to command success,
But we 'll do more, Sempronius,--we 'll deserve it.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
'T is not in the bond.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
"t is not metres, but a metre-making argument, that makes a poem.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "The Poet"
%%
'T is not so above;
There is no shuffling, there the action lies
In his true nature.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
'T is not the drinking that is to be blamed, but the excess.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Humility
%%
'Tis not the fairest form that holds The mildest, purest soul within;
'Tis not the richest plant that holds The sweetest fragrance in.
 -- Dawes
%%
'T is not the whole of life to live,
  Nor all of death to die.
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Issues of Life and Death
%%
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
 -- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
%%
'T is not what man does which exalts him, but what man would do.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Saul, xviii
%%
'T is now the summer of your youth. Time has not cropt the roses from
your cheek, though sorrow long has washed them.
 -- Edward Moore (1712-1757)
 -- The Gamester, Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
'T is now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
'Tisn't beauty, so to speak, nor good talk necessarily.  It's just IT.
Some women'll stay in a man's memory if they once walked down a street.
 -- Rudyard Kipling, "Traffics and Discoveries"
%%
'Tisn't life that matters!  'Tis the courage you bring to it.
 -- Sir Hugh Walpole
%%
'T is one and the same Nature that rolls on her course, and whoever
has sufficiently considered the present state of things might certainly
conclude as to both the future and the past.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
'T is our true policy to steer clear of permanent alliances with any
portion of the foreign world.
 -- George Washington (1732-1799)
 -- His Farewell Address
%%
'T is pleasant, sure, to see one's name in print;
A book 's a book, although there 's nothing in 't.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, Line 51
%%
'T is Providence alone secures
In every change both mine and yours.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- A Fable, Moral
%%
'T is safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
'Tis said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent
  company, so through learned discussion, he may rise above the savage
  and closer to God.
Yes, I'd heard that.
...Personally, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind
  me I'm best.
 -- Edmund and Percy : Beer
%%
'T is slight, not strength, that gives the greatest lift.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- Michaelmas Term, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
'T is so much to be a king, that he only is so by being so. The strange
lustre that surrounds him conceals and shrouds him from us; our sight
is there broken and dissipated, being stopped and filled by the prevailing
light.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. vii
%%
'T is strange, but true; for truth is always strange,--
Stranger than fiction.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xiv, Stanza 101
%%
'T is strange that death should sing.
I am the cygnet to this pale faint swan,
Who chants a doleful hymn to his own death,
And from the organ-pipe of frailty sings
His soul and body to their lasting rest.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act v, Sc. 7
%%
'T is strange the mind, that very fiery particle,
Should let itself be snuff'd out by an article.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xi, Stanza 59
%%
'Tis strange the miser should his cares employ To gain the riches
he can ne'er enjoy.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
'T is sweet, as year by year we lose
Friends out of sight, in faith to muse
How grows in Paradise our store.
 -- John Keble (1792-1866)
 -- Burial of the Dead
%%
'T is sweeter for thee despairing
Than aught in the world beside,--Jessy!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Jessy
%%
'T is sweet to hear the watch-dog's honest bark
  Bay deep-mouth'd welcome as we draw near home;
'T is sweet to know there is an eye will mark
  Our coming, and look brighter when we come.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 123
%%
'T is sweet to think that where'er we rove
  We are sure to find something blissful and dear;
And that when we 're far from the lips we love,
  We 've but to make love to the lips we are near.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- 'T is sweet to think
%%
'T is the breathing time of day with me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
'T is the curse of service,
Preferment goes by letter and affection,
And not by old gradation, where each second
Stood heir to the first.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
'Tis the dream of each programmer,
Before his life is done,
To write three lines of APL,
And make the damn thing run.
%%
'T is the eye of childhood
That fears a painted devil.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
'Tis the gift to be simple.
 -- Shaker hymn
%%
'T is the heart's current lends the cup its glow,
Whate'er the fountain whence the draught may flow.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- A Sentiment
%%
'T is the last rose of summer,
  Left blooming alone.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Last Rose of Summer
%%
'Tis the mark of an instructed mind to rest assured
with that degree of precision that the nature of the subject admits,
and not to seek exactness when only an approximation of the truth
is possible.
 -- Aristotle
%%
'Tis the mind that makes the body rich.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Tis the season of al-tru-is-m fa-la-la-la-laa la-la-la-la
%%
'T is the sunset of life gives me mystical lore,
And coming events cast their shadows before.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Lochiel's Warning
%%
'Tis the voice of the Lobster: I heard him declare
"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark:
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
'T is the voice of the sluggard; I heard him complain,
"You have wak'd me too soon, I must slumber again."
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- The Sluggard
%%
'T is true, 't is certain; man though dead retains
Part of himself: the immortal mind remains.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxiii, Line 122
%%
'Tis well - but, Artists! who can paint or write,
To draw the naked is your true delight:
That robe of quality so struts and swells,
None see what parts of nature it conceals.
Th' exactest traits of body or of mind,
We owe to models of an humble kind.
 -- Alexander Pope, "Epistle to a Lady"
%%
'T is well said again,
And 't is a kind of good deed to say well:
And yet words are no deeds.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
'T is with our judgments as our watches,--none
Go just alike, yet each believes his own.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part i, Line 9
%%
'T is woman that seduces all mankind;
By her we first were taught the wheedling arts.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The Beggar's Opera, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Titles are marks of honest men, and wise;
The fool or knave that wears a title lies.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire i, Line 145
%%
Tit, more than a baby feeder, it's for the paw.
%%
:tits on a keyboard: n. Small bumps on certain keycaps to keep
   touch-typists registered (usually on the `5' of a numeric
   keypad, and on the `F' and `J' of a {QWERTY} keyboard;
   but the Mac, perverse as usual, has them on the `D' and
   `K' keys).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TJ's Druid Circle cookies are to die(t) for...
%%
:TLA: /T-L-A/ [Three-Letter Acronym] n. 1. Self-describing
   abbreviation for a species with which computing terminology is
   infested.  2. Any confusing acronym.  Examples include MCA, FTP,
   SNA, CPU, MMU, SCCS, DMU, FPU, NNTP, TLA.  People who like this
   looser usage argue that not all TLAs have three letters, just as
   not all four-letter words have four letters.  One also hears of
   `ETLA' (Extended Three-Letter Acronym, pronounced /ee tee el
   ay/) being used to describe four-letter acronyms.  The term
   `SFLA' (Stupid Four-Letter Acronym) has also been reported.  See
   also {YABA}.

   The self-effacing phrase "TDM TLA" (Too Damn Many...) is
   often used to bemoan the plethora of TLAs in use.  In 1989, a
   random of the journalistic persuasion asked hacker Paul Boutin
   "What do you think will be the biggest problem in computing in
   the 90s?"  Paul's straight-faced response: "There are only
   17,000 three-letter acronyms." (To be exact, there are 26^3
   = 17,576.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TLC is a wonderful gift.
%%
TLNF: Teach me a Lesson i'll Never Forget
%%
TLO: Turn indicator Lights Off
%%
TLW: Transfer and Lose Way
%%
TLX v4.2         sometimes I lie.
%%
:TMRCie: /tmerk'ee/, [MIT] n. A denizen of {TMRC}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:(TM): // [USENET] ASCII rendition of the trademark-superscript symbol
   appended to phrases that the author feels should be recorded for
   posterity, perhaps in future editions of this lexicon.  Sometimes
   used ironically as a form of protest against the recent spate of
   software and algorithm patents and `look and feel' lawsuits.  See
   also {UN*X}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TNG contradicts TOS (if you're sober enough to tell) - drink!
%%
TN: Take a Nap
%%
To a blonde: "No, rain is not caused by giants crying"
%%
To a brat, "NO!" means "Not while I am looking."
%%
To abuse wine is to abuse life itself.
%%
To a cat, "NO!" means "Not while I'm looking."
%%
To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream,
not only plan but also believe.
 -- Anatole France
%%
To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of
education.  To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.  To
accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is
complete.
 -- Epictetus
%%
To a certain extent, mental power can compensate for
observational weakness.
 -- The Eye-Brain Law
%%
To a certain extent, observational power can compensate
for mental weakness.
 -- The Brain-Eye Law
%%
To achieve our ultimate goals is not happiness;
it is to be able to solve our problems along the way.
%%
To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
 -- Joan Klempner
%%
To a close-shorn sheep God gives wind by measure.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
TO ACTIVATE - To make copies and add more names to the memo.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
TOAC: Turn Off Air Conditioner
%%
To add a tagline or not add a tagline . . .
%%
To add insult to injury.
 -- Phaedrus
%%
To add life to years, not just years to life.
 -- The Gerontological Society of America
%%
To add to golden numbers golden numbers.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- Patient Grissell, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
To a dog his owner is Napoleon; hence their popularity.
%%
Toad: what happens to an illegally parked frog.
%%
To a Europe exhausted by nearly two centuries of religious wars,
[Isaac] Newton's works were first and foremost a message about God;
that He did not behave in a capricious or arbitrary fashion, in response
to either His will or human prayer, but in accordance with absolute,
unwavering, and humanly discoverable laws of nature which governed
him and all his works. He had become the infinitely perfect Clock-Maker,
his works fathomable by the human mind.
 -- Forrest MacDonald
%%
:to a first approximation: 1. [techspeak] When one is doing certain
   numerical computations, an approximate solution may be computed by
   any of several heuristic methods, then refined to a final value.
   By using the starting point of a first approximation of the answer,
   one can write an algorithm that converges more quickly to the
   correct result.  2. In jargon, a preface to any comment that
   indicates that the comment is only approximately true.  The remark
   "To a first approximation, I feel good" might indicate that
   deeper questioning would reveal that not all is perfect (e.g., a
   nagging cough still remains after an illness).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
To a liberal, only liberals have a right to free speech.
%%
To all aspiring young comedians--when are you going to do something with
 your life? Get a real job in hardware sales or taxidermy--meet a nice girl,
 settle down, and stop hanging around those comedy clubs with all your
 comedy bum friends. Your mother and I slaved and scrimped and you--(sorry,
 I got carried away). Okay, if you are really serious about being a
 comedian, stay away from politics. This is too precious a government and
 our politicians are above reproach and undeserving of any lack of respect
 on your part. Better yet--people love jokes about badminton.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
To all mankind -- may we never find space so vast, planets so cold,
  heart and mind so empty that we cannot fill them with love and warmth
 -- Garth, "Dagger of the Mind," stardate 2715.2.
%%
To all, to each, a fair good night, And pleasing dreams, and slumbers light.
 -- Scott
%%
To a man on a ledge: "Thinking of jumping? Your first time, is it?"
 -- Bob Newhart
%%
To an empty mind, even the smallest idea seems important.
%%
To any objective person it'd be obvious that I'm right.
%%
To anyone named Bo-Peep, Tiger, Gator, Moose, Horse or Flower, give a very
 wide birth, even if this is just a nickname.
%%
To any truly impartial person, it would be obvious that I am always right.
%%
To a persistent Casanova: "If you don't leave now, I'll call the
 whole fire department to put you out."
%%
To approve is more difficult than to admire.
%%
        To A Quick Young Fox:
Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy vamp,
Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice?
Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp --
Zow!  Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice.
 -- Lazy Dog
%%
To a rational being it is the same thing to act according to nature
and according to reason.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vii, 11
%%
To a Real Woman, every ejaculation is premature.
%%
To a reasonable creature, that alone is insupportable which is unreasonable;
but everything reasonable may be supported.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. ii
%%
To argue with someone who has drunk too much is like having an argument
 with someone who isn't there.
%%
To arms! to arms! ye brave!
  The avenging sword unsheathe!
March on! march on! all hearts resolved
  On victory or death!
 -- Joseph Rouget de L'Isle (1760-1836)
 -- The Marseilles Hymn
%%
To arrive at perfection, a man should have very sincere friends or inveterate
enemies; because he would be made sensible of his good or ill conduct, either
by the censures of the one, or the admonitions of the other.
 -- Diogenes
%%
:toast: 1. n. Any completely inoperable system or component, esp.
   one that has just crashed and burned: "Uh, oh ... I think the
   serial board is toast."  2. vt. To cause a system to crash
   accidentally, especially in a manner that requires manual
   rebooting.  "Rick just toasted the {firewall machine} again."
   Compare {fried}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TOASTER.COM - Insert bread in drive A: Press any key.
%%
:toaster: n. 1. The archetypal really stupid application for an
   embedded microprocessor controller; often used in comments that
   imply that a scheme is inappropriate technology (but see
   {elevator controller}).  "{DWIM} for an assembler?  That'd be
   as silly as running UNIX on your toaster!"  2. A very, very dumb
   computer. "You could run this program on any dumb toaster."  See
   {bitty box}, {Get a real computer!}, {toy}, {beige toaster}.
   3. A Macintosh, esp. the Classic Mac.  Some hold that this is
   implied by sense 2.  4. A peripheral device.  "I bought my box
   without toasters, but since then I've added two boards and a second
   disk drive."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
To attack a man for talking nonsense
is like finding your mortal enemy drowning in a swamp
and jumping in after him with a knife.
 -- Karl Popper
%%
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me, I struck the pedestrian.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
To avoid seeing a fool, break your mirror.
%%
To avoid trouble, breathe through the nose; it keeps the mouth shut.
%%
:to a zeroth approximation: [from `to a first approximation'] A
   *really* sloppy approximation; a wild guess.  Compare
   {social science number}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tobacco exports should be expanded aggressively because Americans
are smoking less.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1990 (reported by IPS, 8/14/92)
%%
Tobacco is a filthy weed,
That from the devil does proceed;
It drains your purse, it burns your clothes,
And makes a chimney of your nose.
 -- B. Waterhouse
%%
Tobacco is the only drug in America that will kill you if it's taken
as directed.
 -- Dr. C. Everett Koop
%%
To be able to be caught up into the world of thought- that is being educated.
 -- Edith Hamilton
%%
To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization,
and at present very few people have reached this level.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or
nothing about it.
 -- Olin Miller
%%
To be a character who feels a deep emotion, one must go into the memory's
 vault and mix in a sad memory from one's own life.
 -- Albert Finney
%%
To be adult is to be alone.
 -- Jean Rostand
%%
To be against abortion and not against contraception -- it makes no sense
 because both of them are the same mentality.
 -- Nancy O'Brien, Anti-Choice Activist, introducing Joan Andrews, 3/11/89,
      as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned
      Parenthood pamphlet
%%
To be a good gardener you need a sense of humus.
%%
To be a human without passion is to be dead.
%%
To be a humorist, one must see the world out of focus.
 -- P. G. Wodehouse, in the preface to "A Carnival of Modern Humor"
%%
To be ambitious of true honor and of the real glory and perfection of
our nature is the very principle and incentive of virtue; but to be
ambitious of titles, place, ceremonial respects, and civil pageantry, is
as vain and little as the things are which we court.
 -- Philip Sidney
%%
To be an atheist requires an infinitely greater measure of faith than to
receive all the great truths which atheism would deny.
 -- Joseph Addison
%%
To be and not to be, that is the contradiction.
%%
To be angry, is to revenge the fault of others upon ourselves.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
To be a performance artist in one lifetime means seven rebirths
as a stereo salesclerk.
 -- Proverb from "Life in Hell"
%%
To be a real folk-song singer you have to collect the songs straight from
 the horse's mouth. The way to do this is to go to a village and find the
 oldest inhabitant and ask him to sing you the songs his mother taught me.
 Him, I mean. Well, you'll probably find that he's deaf, and if he isn't
 deaf he can't sing, and if he can sing he doesn't want to, and by the time
 you've persuaded him and he does sing, you won't understand a word of what
 he's singing about. This is how folk songs have been passed down from
 generation to generation.
 -- Anna Russell
%%
To bear is to conquer our fate.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- On visiting a Scene in Argyleshire
%%
To bear other people's afflictions,
everyone has courage and enough to spare.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
To bear with fools in kindliness brings good fortune.
To know how to take women
Brings good fortune.
The son is capable of taking charge of the household.
%%
To be a specialist is to be a person more apt to repeat the same mistakes
 over and over, since by being a specialist, no one really dares to tell you
 what you are doing wrong.
%%
To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid,
 don't look at it for the first two years.
 -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
To be a success in business, be daring, be first, be different.
 -- Marchant
%%
To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.
 -- Marshall L. Smith
%%
To beat the grass is to risk startling the snake.
%%
  To be a vegetarian is to disagree -- to disagree with the course of
    things today. Nuclear power, starvation, cruelty -- we must make a
   statement against these thigns. Vegetarianism is my statement. And I
   think it is a strong one.
 -- Isaac Bashevis Singer
%%
To be awake is to be alive.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), in "Walden"
%%
To be aware of your ignorance is a giant step toward true knowledge.
%%
To be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune; but to write and
read comes by nature.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
To be beautiful is enough! if a woman can do that
well who should demand more from her?  You don't want a rose to sing.
 -- Thackeray
%%
To be born rich is an accident. To die rich is a miracle.
%%
To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough
 to want it.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
To become a popular religion, it is only necessary for a superstition to
enslave a philosohpy.
 -- William Ralph Inge
 -- 1920
%%
To be complacent is to be but one step from decay.
 -- Gilt Proto
%%
To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Sybil, Book i, Chap. v
%%
To be conservative at 20 is heartless and to be a liberal at 60 is
plain idiocy.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
To be considered wise is not so bad, although it ordinarily requires that
 we go a good distance out of town, so that those who think of us as wise do
 not have the opportunity to learn the ordinary truth of the matter.
%%
To be different is often a wonderful thing.
%%
To be enslaved to oneself is the heaviest of all servitudes.
 -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
%%
To beer or not to beer?
 -- Shakesbeer
%%
To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North
Star.  As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.
 -- Confucius
%%
To be fond of learning is to be near to knowledge.
 -- Cervantes
%%
To be frank, I find these people anything but deep. I was in Birmingham,
 Alabama, working in a small comedy club called I Don't Get It.
 -- Dennis Miller
%%
To be free is to have achieved your life.
 -- Tennessee Williams
%%
To be free it is not enough to beat the system, one must beat the
system every day.
%%
To be free of bondage or restraint, to live under a government based on the
consent of the citizens, these are basic among all freedoms, and this is the
reason why a democracy is from every possible humane point of view the best
form of government. What so many human beings in the modern world have failed
to understand is that freedom is the greatest of all trusts.
 -- Ashley Montagu
%%
To be furious in religion is to be irreligiously religious.
%%
To begin your cat collection, simply open a can of tuna.
%%
To be good, according to the vulgar standard of goodness, is obviously
quite easy. It merely requires a certain amount of sordid terror, a
certain lack of imaginative thought, and a certain low passion for
middle-class respectability.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
To be great is to be misunderstood.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Essays", 1841
%%
To beguile many, and be beguil'd by one.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
To be happy living in this world, there are sides of the soul one must
entirely paralyze.
%%
To be happy one must be a) well fed, unhounded by sordid cares, at ease in
Zion, b) full of a comfortable feeling of superiority to the masses of one's
fellow men, and c) delicately and unceasingly amused according to one's taste.
It is my contention that, if this definition be accepted, there is no country
in the world wherein a man constituted as I am - a man of my peculiar
weaknesses, vanities, appetites, and aversions - can be so happy as he can
be in the United States.  Going further, I lay down the doctrine that it is
a sheer physical impossibility for such a man to live in the United States
and not be happy.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "On Being An American"
%%
To behave with dignity is nothing less than to allow others freely
to be themselves.
 -- Sol Chaneles
%%
To be honest as this world goes, is to be one man picked out of ten thousand.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
To be Honest: Frank Lee
%%
To be honest with you Picard, a significant number of my crewmembers have
  expressed a desire to return even knowing the odds. Some because they
  can't bear to live without their loved ones. Some because they don't
  like the idea of slipping out in the middle of a fight.
 -- Captain Garrett, "Yesterday's Enterprise", stardate 43625.2
%%
To be human is also to seek pleasure.  To laugh -- to dance.
 -- Flint, "Requiem for Methuselah," stardate 5843.7.
%%
To be human is to be complex.
%%
To be ignorant of what happened before you were born is to be ever
a child.  For what is man's lifetime unless the memory of past events
is woven with those of earlier times?
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BC), Orator
%%
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia - to
mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
%%
To be is to be related.
 -- C. J. Keyser
%%
To be is to do.
 -- I. Kant
%%
To be is to do.
 -- Immanuel Kant
To do is to be.
 -- Sigmund Freud
Dooby, dooby, do.
 -- Frank Sinatra
%%
To be is to program.
 -- Calvin Keegan
%%
To be known as prudent, reserve a few things to be done outdoors for days
 when the weather will not permit these activities.
%%
To believe in God is impossible - not to believe in him is absurd.
%%
To believe is to be strong. Doubt cramps energy. Belief is power.
%%
To believe with certainty we must begin to doubt.
 -- Stanislaus
%%
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for youin
your private
heart is true for all men- that is genius.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
To be loved, be lovable.
 -- Ovid, "Ars Amatoria"
%%
To be loved is very demoralizing.
 -- Katharine Hepburn
%%
To be "matter of fact" about the world is to blunder into fantasy.... and dull
fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.
 -- Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband"
%%
To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best to,
night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
 -- E. E. Cummings (1894-1963), "A Miscellany"
%%
To be normal is to have the usual eccentricities.
%%
To be occasionally quoted is the only fame I care for.
 -- Alexander Smith, (O.K., you got it)
%%
To be once in doubt
Is once to be resolv'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
To be ordered to die is an expectation for any officer at any time.
For a Klingon perhaps, but Riker's people do not volunteer for death
  so easily.
 -- Capt. Kargan and Klag, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
To be or Not is the Result!
%%
To be or not to be.  (2b) || !(2b)
Loses something in translation, eh?
%%
To be or not to be.
 -- Shakespeare
To do is to be.
 -- Nietzsche
To be is to do.
 -- Sartre
Do be do be do.
 -- Frank Sinatra
%%
To be or not to be, that always confused me!
%%
To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.
%%
To be or not to be that is the question.:
 any programmer knows the answer $2b or (not $2b) is $ff.
%%
To be, or not to be: that is the question: whether 't is nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms
against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die: to sleep:
No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand
natural shocks that flesh is heir to,--'t is a consummation devoutly
to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; to sleep: perchance to dream:
ay, there 's the rub: for in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause:
there 's the respect that makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, the oppressor's wrong,
the proud man's contumely, the pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
the insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit
of the unworthy takes, when he himself might his quietus make
with a bare bodkin? who would fardels to grunt and sweat under a weary life,
but that the dread of something after death, the undiscover'd country
from whose bourn no traveller returns, puzzles the will and makes us
rather bear those ills we have than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; and thus the native hue
of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
and enterprises of great pith and moment with this regard
their currents turn awry, and lose the name of action.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them.  To die . . .
 -- William Shakespeare
 -- Hamlet(Act III Scene I)
%%
To be, or not to be: that is the question...
 -- William Shakespeare, Hamlet
%%
To be or not to be, that is the split infinitive.
%%
To be or not to be, that is the square root of 4 B^2.
%%
To be or not to be; that requires one TTL gate at a minimum, but you could do
 it with three NAND gates, or just hook the output to Vcc.
%%
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
%%
To be or nut^H^H^H -- sh^Gt, how do I delete..^D^D^D Oh No Oh NO^D^D^D -- How
do I get out of this thing anyway (mumble mumble)
Bus error (core dumped)
%%
To Be... Or What ?
%%
To be, or what?
 -- Sylvester Stallone
%%
To be possessed of a vigorous mind is not enough; the prime requisite
is rightly
to apply it.
 -- Descartes
%%
To be powerful in the cheekbones
Brings misfortune.
The superior man is firmly resolved.
He walks alone and is caught in the rain.
He is bespattered,
And people murmur against him.
No blame.
%%
To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.
 -- George Washington (1732-1799)
 -- Speech to both Houses of Congress, Jan. 8, 1790
%%
To be resign'd when ills betide,
Patient when favours are deni'd,
  And pleas'd with favours given,--
Dear Chloe, this is wisdom's part;
This is that incense of the heart
  Whose fragrance smells to heaven.
 -- Nathaniel Cotton (1707-1788)
 -- The Fireside, Stanza 11
%%
To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore
 this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to
 offer in response is based on information available to make no such
 statement.
%%
To be rich is not the end, but only a change of worries.
%%
To Berkeley every virtue under heaven.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epilogue to the Satires, Dialogue ii, Line 73
%%
To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful
than to be forty years old.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- On the Seventieth Birthday of Julia Ward Howe (May 27, 1889)
%%
To be STrek or not to be StarTrek!!?
%%
To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.
 -- Golda Meir
%%
To be successful you have to be lucky, or a little mad, or very talented,
 or to find yourself in a rapid-growth field.
 -- Edward De Bono
%%
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it
the target.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
To be the question or not to be the question, that is.
%%
To be thrown on one's own resources is to be cast in the very lap
of fortune; for our faculties undergo a development, and display
an energy, of which they were previously unsusceptible.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
To be too clever is to be stupid.
%%
To betray, you must first belong.
 -- Harold "Kim" Philby
%%
To be truly competent in the microcomputer field, you must
be able not only to design microprocessor hardware, but
also to program that hardware.
 -- John Uffenbeck
%%
To be truly conscious of your stupidity is one of the greatest steps you
 can make toward wisdom. If you know others, you are learned. If you know
 yourself, you are indeed wise. It isn't the things that you don't know that
 get you into trouble. What gets you into trouble are those things you know
 for sure that ain't so.
 -- Artemus Ward (1834-1867), aka Charles Farrar Brown
%%
To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.
%%
To be weak is miserable,
Doing or suffering.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 157
%%
To be who one is, is not to be someone else.
%%
To be willing to die for an ideal is to set a rather high price on
conjecture.
 -- Oscar Wilde (?)
%%
To be wise and love
Exceeds Man's might.
 -- Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida
%%
To be wise, the only thing you really need
to know is when to say "I don't know."
%%
To block hats, that is everything.
 -- character in a Woody Allen short story
%%
To blow and swallow at the same moment is not easy.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Mostellaria, Act iii, Sc. 2, 104, (791.)
%%
To boldly call where no modem has called before.
%%
To boldly code what no one has coded before!
%%
To boldly glow, where no man has glowed.
%%
To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs.
%%
To Boldly Probe Where No Man Has Probed Before!!!
%%
To boldly tax what no man has taxed before.
 -- The Congressman's Credo
%%
To borrow money, big money, you have to wear your hair in a certain way,
 walk in a certain way, and have about you an air of solemnity and
 majesty--something like the atmosphere of a Gothic cathedral.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
To brighten up your boyfriend's evening, sit with him in the dark.
%%
To bring about the reform of an individual is a tedious and uncertain labor
 filled with frightening ambiguity and complete ambivilance. It is a whole
 lote easier, when all is said and done, simply to hang the SOB and get on
 with things.
%%
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years.  To
destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
To build something that endures, it is of the greatest importance
to have a long tenure in office -to rule for many years. You can
achieve a quick success in a year or two, but nearly all the great
tycoons have continued their building much longer.
 -- Antony Jay
%%
To business that we love we rise betime,
And go to 't with delight.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
To call the dialogue wooden is to insult the expressive
potential of a tree stump.
 -- Gerald Jonas, in his review of Robert L. Forward's "Martian Rainbow"
 -- in the July 14, 1991 New York Times Book Review.
%%
To call war the soil of courage and virtue is like calling debauchery
the soil of love.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
To calm me down, hit [CTRL]+[ALT]+[DEL]
%%
To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.
%%
To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.
 -- Simone de Beauvoir
%%
To catch a Sasquatch is no small feet!
%%
To catch a whale in the inland waters of the State of Oklahoma
is contrary to law.
%%
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know
because I've done it a thousand times.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
To certain individuals of small minds and overweaning ambition,
there is no greater insult than to be proved wrong.
 -- Thomas H Dyer 1984
%%
To change and to improve are two different things.
 -- German proverb
%%
To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an
eternal loss for which there is no reparation, either in time or in
eternity.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
To cherish what remains of the Earth and to foster its renewal is
our only legitimate hope of survival.
 -- Wendell Berry
%%
TO CLARIFY - To fill in the background with so many
  details that the foreground goes underground.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
To climb a ladder, you begin with the first rung.
%%
To Clinton an enemy is anyone who tells the truth.
%%
To clone a felon, do I use the COPY.CON command?
%%
To collapse is epilleptic; to flop, hideous.
 -- random thought generator
%%
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
%%
To communicate is the beginning of understanding.
 -- AT&T
%%
To compare
Great things with small.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 921
%%
To complete a dream, I start with a vodka.
%%
To comprehend a man's life, it is necessary to know mot merely what
he does but also what he purposely leaves undone. There is a limit
to the work that can be got out of a human body or a human brain,
and he is a wise man who wastes no energy on pursuits for which he
is not fitted; and he is still wiser who, among the things that he
can do well, chooses and resolutely follows the best.
 -- William Gladstone
%%
To compute... or not to compute... That is the question...
Whether 'tis nobler in the memory bank... to suffer the slings and
circuits of outrageous functions... or to take up arms against a sea
of... transistors.  Or rather transponders... transcondu--- trans...
er..
Oh, to hack with it.
 -- Oliver Wendell Jones (Bloom County)
%%
To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my
nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart.
 -- Dickens
%%
To conduct great matters and never commit a fault is above the force
of human nature.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Fabius
%%
To confess a fault freely is the next thing to being innocent of it.
 -- Publilus Syrus
%%
To confuse children with angels is a dangerous thing.
%%
To congratulate Bill Clinton, send candy - he already got Flowers!
%%
To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable.
The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy.
 -- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
%%
To contend before him
Brings good fortune.
%%
To cool off a Beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.
%%
To create a little flower is the labour of ages.
%%
To criticize the incompetent is easy;
it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
%%
To curry favor, favor curry.
%%
To dance attendance on their lordships' pleasures.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
To date, the firm conclusions of Project Blue Book are:
1. no unidentified flying object reported, investigated and evaluated by the
   Air Force has ever given any indication of threat to our national security.
2. there has been no evidence submitted to or discovered by the Air Force that
   sightings categorized as UNIDENTIFIED represent technological developments
   or principles beyond the range of present-day scientific knowledge; and
3. there has been no evidence indicating that sightings categorized as
   UNIDENTIFIED are extraterrestrial vehicles.
 -- the summary of Project Blue Book, an Air Force study of UFOs from 1950
  to 1965, as quoted by James Randi in Flim-Flam!
%%
To date, there is only one animal in the Galaxy dangerous to man- man himself.
He must supply his own indispensable competition. He has no enemy to help him.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Today a man is known by the company he merges.
%%
TODAY:
A nice place to visit, but you can't stay here for long.
%%
Today, China's economic power makes U.S. lectures about human
rights imprudent.  Within a decade, it will make them irrelevant.
Within two decades, it will make them laughable.  By then, the
Chinese may threaten to withhold MFN (Most-Favored-Nation) status
from the U.S. unless we do more to improve living conditions in
Detroit, Harlem and South-Central Los Angeles.
 -- Richard Nixon
%%
Today even a blank sheet of paper is considered a work of art.
%%
Today for show and tell I've brought a tiny marvel of nature: a single
snowflake. I think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly unique
and exquisite crystal turns into an ordinary, boring molecule of water, just
like every other one, when you bring it in the classroom. And now, while the
analogy sinks in, I'll be leaving you drips and going outside.
 -- Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
%%
Today has been a long year!!!!!!!!!!
%%
Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house.
 And I thought, I too am like that snail.  I build a defensive wall around
 myself, a "shell" if you will.  But my shell isn't made out of a hard,
 protective substance.  Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Today I am feeling ept, ane, and sipid.
%%
Today I dialed a wrong number.  The other side said, 'Hello?' and I said,
'Hello, could I speak to Joey?'  They said,' Uh, I don't think so...He's only
 two months old.'  I said, 'I'll wait...'
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Today I have grown taller from walking with the trees.
%%
Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for
just a second.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Today I...........No, that wasn't me.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Today is a bad day to give to charity.
%%
Today is a day for making firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
%%
Today is a day of independence
for all the Munchkins and their descendents (if any).
%%
Today is a good day for a departmental reorganization.
%%
Today is a good day for information-gathering.
Read someone else's mail file.
%%
Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
%%
Today is a good day for you to jump in a pool.
%%
Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
%%
Today is a good day to die.
 -- An apache warrior proverb
%%
Today is a good day to update your resume.
%%
Today is an excellent day to become a missing person.
%%
Today is an excellent day to have a rotten day.
%%
Today I saw a red-and-yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I
am!  Of course, I thought that yesterday, too, and it rained.
 --  Woody Allen
%%
Today is canceled due to lack of interest!
%%
Today IS July 8, 1965, isn't it? <looking at chronograph<
%%
Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday.
%%
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
%%
Today is only yesterday's tomorrows - Uriah Heep
%%
Today is TFW's birthday!   Welcome....7/29/94
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of my death.
Tomorrow will be the next day of it.  Bwwaahh.
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your life -- celebrate now!
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence.
%%
Today is the last day of your life so far.
%%
Today is the scene of the accident.
%%
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
%%
Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.
%%
Today is what happened to yesterday.
%%
Today is yesterday's tomorrow and if you wait until tomorrow it will be
 today.
%%
Today is your lucky day.
%%
Today, it is very expensive to have your home painted. As a matter of fact,
 it is much cheaper to call a photographer.
%%
Today, loving change, tumult, even chaos is a prerequiste
for survival, let alone success.
 -- Thomas J. Peters
%%
Today most physicians specialize. After getting his bill, I've decided
my doctor's speciality is banking.
 -- Mickey Porter
%%
Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
except in major motion pictures.
 -- Dave Barry, $#$%#^%!^%&@%@!
%%
Today's book-< Bigger monitors for Win3.1 by Seymor I.Cons
%%
Today's oxymoron - Dr. Elders' solution.
%%
Today's "politically correct" = yesterday's McCarthyism.
%%
Today's rebel is tomorrow's tyrant.
 -- Will and Ariel Durant
%%
Today's robots are very primitive, capable of understanding only a few
 simple instructions such as 'go left', 'go right', and 'build car'.
 -- John Sladek
%%
Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity?

And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
 -- Dave Barry, What is Electricity?
%%
Today's Sesame Street Pooh Bear was brought to you by honey B
%%
Today's Sesame Street Wicca was brought to you by Blessed Be.
%%
Today's Sesame St Satan was brought to you by the number 666
%%
Today's subliminal message is "        "
%%
Today's tagliners are tomorrow's sages.
%%
Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream.   Join us soon for more
spectacular adventure starring ... Tippy, the Wonder Dog.
 -- Bob & Ray
%%
Today's topic is "Are We Alone in the Universe?"
We can only begin to explore this question by taking you deep
underground where gas deposits are normally surrounded by
countless "fossils" left over from billions of years of
evolution on earth.  Although the stars are made entirely
of gas, spectrographs have shown that they contain no
fossil-like material.  Thus, we may safely assume that life
has not evolved on the stars.
 -- SCIENCE CORNER
%%
Todays weirdness is tomorrows reason why.
%%
Today, take an astronaut to launch.
%%
Today the nations of the world may be divided into two classes - the
nations in which the government fears the people, and the nations
in which the people fear the government.
 -- Amos R. E. Pinochet
%%
Today the real test of power is not capacity to make war but the capacity
to prevent it.
 -- Anne O'Hare McCormick
%%
Today there may be more Marxists on the Harvard faculty than in Eastern
 Europe.
 -- George F. Will
%%
Today the sun, tonight the MOON! WHEN WILL IT END?
%%
Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of
 TAB HUNTER before his MAKEOVER!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Today when a man gets married he gets a home, a housekeeper,
a cook, a cheering squad and another paycheck.    When a woman
marries, she gets a boarder.
%%
Today: Yesterday's effect and tomorrow's cause.
%%
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and
 the toilets locked.  They must think toilet paper is worth more than
 money.
 -- Joey Bishop
%%
Toddler: An indoor tornado
%%
To defend, this is the pact.
%%
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
%%
To demand 'sense' is the hallmark of nonsense. Nature does not make sense.
Nothing makes sense.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
To deny we need and want power is to deny that we hope to be effective.
 -- Liz Smith
%%
To desire immortality is to desire the eternal perpetuation of a great
mistake.
 -- Schopenhauer
%%
To despise legitimate authority, no matter in whom it is invested, is
unlawful; it is rebellion against God's will.
 -- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
To destroy is always the first step in any creation.
%%
To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program, take your best
estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and convert to the next higher units.
 -- The Briggs/Chase Law of Program Development
%%
To develop a complete mind:
Study the science of art;
study the art of science.
Learn how to see.
Realize that everything connects to everything else.
 -- Leonardo da Vinci
%%
To die for an idea is to place a pretty high price upon conjectures.
 -- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
To die is landing on some distant shore.
 -- John Dryden
%%
To die -- to sleep --
No more -- and, by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks,
That flesh is heir to -- 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Journal", 20 December 1822
%%
To disarm detonator, cut the red wire.  But first, cut the blue one.
%%
To disarm the people - that was the best and most effective way
 to enslave them ....
 -- George Mason ( Framer of the Declaration of Rights, Virginia, 1776,
 -- which became the basis for the U.S. Bill of Rights )
 -- 3 Elliot, Debate at 380.
%%
To divest one's self of some prejudices, would be like taking off the
skin to feel the better.
 -- Grenville
%%
To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
%%
To do anything worthwhile you have to push limits.
%%
To do is change the names - the slings and arrows remain.
%%
TO DO IS TO BE
 -- Socrates
TO BE IS TO DO
 -- Sartre
DO BE DO BE DO
 -- Sinatra
%%
To do my duty in that state of life unto which it shall please God to call me.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Catechism
%%
To do nothing is in every man's power.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.
 -- Hippocrates
%%
To do nothing is the way to be nothing.
%%
To do two things at once is to do neither.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 7
%%
To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally
convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection.
 -- H. Poincare
%%
To doubt is worse than to have lost; and to despair is but to antidote
those miseries that must fall on us.
 -- Massinger
%%
To downgrade the human mind is bad theology.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
To dungeons deep and caverns old.
%%
To each his bone.
%%
To each his clone!
%%
To each his own.
[Unicuique suum.]
%%
To each his suff'rings; all are men,
  Condemn'd alike to groan,--
The tender for another's pain,
  Th' unfeeling for his own.
Yet ah! why should they know their fate,
Since sorrow never comes too late,
  And happiness too swiftly flies?
  Thought would destroy their paradise.
No more; where ignorance is bliss,
  'T is folly to be wise.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On a Distant Prospect of Eton College, Stanza 10
%%
Toe:  A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.
 -- Rilla May
%%
To eat, and to drink, and to be merry.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes viii, 15; Luke xii, 19
%%
To eat is human, to digest, divine.
%%
To eat more, is to become more.
%%
To eat, perchance, to barf.
%%
To educate a man in mind, and not in morals, is to educate a menace to society.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
...to emphasize the afterlife is to deny life. To concentrate on Heaven is to
create hell. In their desperate longing to transcend the disorderliness,
friction, and unpredictability that pesters life; in their desire for a fresh
start in a tidy habitat, germ-free and secured by angels, religious multitudes
are gambling the only life they may ever have on a dark horse in a race that
has no finish line.
 -- Tom Robbins, _Skinny Legs and All_, 1990, p. 305.
%%
To endeavor to work upon the vulgar with fine sense, is like attempting
to hew blocks with a razor.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
To endure, be obscure.
%%
To endure what is unendurable is true endurance.
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves.
 -- virginia Woolf
%%
To enlarge or illustrate this power and effect of love is to set a
candle in the sun.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 1, Subsect. 2
%%
:toeprint: n. A {footprint} of especially small size.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
To err is human, and stupid.
%%
To err is human, and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
 -- Orben's Current Comedy
%%
To err is human, but I forgive you.
%%
To err is human, but it feels divine.
 -- Mae West
%%
To err is human, but mostof us never make mistake.
%%
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out before the pencil,
you're overdoing it a little.
%%
To err is human, more than that takes a government.
%%
To err is human, to admit it is a blunder.
%%
To err is human, to bark, canine.
%%
To err is human, to blame it on someone else is even more human.
 -- Jacob's Law
%%
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.
 -- Hubert H. Humphrey
%%
To err is human, to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human.
%%
To err is human, to bleat, ovine.
%%
To err is human, to compute divine. Trust your computer but
 not its programmer
 -- Morris Kingston
%%
To err is human, to debug, divine.
%%
To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy.
%%
To err is human, to flip a car 6 times and kill someone, is DRUNK.
%%
To err is human, to forgive....$5.00
%%
To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
%%
To err is human, to forgive divine.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 325
%%
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
%%
To err is human, to forgive is against my policy.
%%
To err is human, to forgive is against university policy.
%%
To err is human, to forgive is not in a computer's nature!
%%
To err is human, to forgive is out of the question.
%%
To err is human; to forgive is simply not our policy.
 -- MIT Assassination Club slogan
%%
To err is human, to forgive is unthinkable.
%%
To err is human, to forgive is unusual!
%%
To err is human, to forgive... unlikely.
%%
To err is human, to hiss, serpertine.
%%
To err is human, to howl is lupine.
%%
To err is human, to meow, feline.
%%
To err is human, to moo bovine.
%%
To err is human, to oink, porcine.
%%
To err is human, to purr feline.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
To err is human, to really f*ck up requires the root password.
%%
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a specialist!
 -- Antonio
%%
To err is human, to really foul things up takes a computer.
 -- Paul Ehrlich, in "The Farmers Almanac, 1978"
%%
To err is human, to really mess, buy an Amiga
%%
To err is human, to really screw up takes Windows.
%%
To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
To err is human - what's your excuse?
%%
To err is humor.
%%
To err is to screw up....
%%
To err may become inhuman.
%%
To escape criticism -- do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
 -- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its
eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly.
%%
Toes, knees, NIPPLES.  Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES...
 Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
To everyone is given the key to heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.
 -- Ancient proverb
%%
To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D, which explains why it is
so easy to find expert witnesses who contradict each other.
 -- B. Duggan
%%
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
%%
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes iii, 1
%%
To excel at what you do, you must love doing it.
%%
To execute laws is a royal office; to execute orders is not to be
a king. However, a political executive magistracy, though merely such,
is a great trust.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 497
%%
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go
on creating oneself endlessly.
 -- Henri Bergson
%%
To expect a former senator to be content in the Cabinet is to hope
that a warlord will find serenity as a slave.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
To explain the unknown by the known is a logical procedure;
to explain the known by the unknown is a form of theological lunacy.
 -- David Brooks
%%
To extend your limits, you must push them... and it often hurts.
%%
To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.
 -- Bess Myerson
%%
To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our
human loneliness is cause enough.  But it is a hard quest worth making
to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily
the person one desires to be.
 -- Anna Louise Strong
%%
To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness. I did so at
 the age of four-and-a-half. Then if you're not a good mixer you can always
 fall back on your own company.
 -- Robert Morley
%%
To fall into a habit is to begin to cease to be.
 -- Miguel de Unamuno, "The Tragic Sense of Life", 1913
%%
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already
three parts dead.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
To feel at home, stay at home. A foreign country is not designed to make
 you comfortable. It's designed to make its own people comfortable.
 -- Clifton Fadimyan
%%
To feel the warm thrill of confusion...
%%
To fib is archaic, to flip, devious.
 -- basic motto for George Bush
%%
To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence;
supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without
fighting.
 -- Sun Tzu (fl. c. BC 500)
%%
To fill the hour--that is happiness.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Experience"
%%
To find a cause of the universe is like trying to find it's spatial position.
%%
To find a friend one must close one eye; to keep him--two.
 -- Norman Douglas
%%
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
To finish a work? To finish a picture? What nonsense! To finish it
means to be through with it, to kill it, to rid it of its soul, to
give it its final blow... the coup de grace for the painter
as well as for the picture.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Quoted in Jaime Sabartes, Picasso: portraits et souvenirs, ch. 7 (1946)
%%
To finish first, first one must finish.
%%
To fish in troubled waters.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Psalm lx
%%
To fix a fried modem: Sautee some onion in olive oil..
%%
To fly away
you need a way!
%%
To follow foolish precedents, and wink
With both our eyes, is easier than to think.
 -- William Cowper
%%
To forgive is divine.  But getting even is Heaven!!
%%
To Freud, the world consists of housewives only
%%
To frown at pleasure, and to smile in pain.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night viii, Line 1045
%%
To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have
faith in their leader.
 -- Capt. Bligh (HMRN, Ret)
%%
Tofu--what is that stuff? It's like spackling compound. It's like chickpeas
 and grout. Food should not caulk windows.
 -- Billiam Coronel
%%
To gain one's way is no escape from the responsibility for an inferior
solution.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
To gain that which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything
else.
 -- Bernadette Devlin
%%
To generalize is to be an idiot.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
To get a bachelor's degree in economics one must propose an economic theory.
To get a master's degree in economics one must prove it wrong.
To get a PhD in economics one must prove some one else's theory wrong.
 -- Alec Lloyd
%%
To get action out of management, it is necessary to create the illusion
of a crisis in the hope it will be acted on.
 -- Gene Franklin
%%
To get anywhere, or even to live a long time, a man has to guess, and guess
right, over and over again, without enough data for a logical answer.
 -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
%%
To get a tail-up.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To get back one's youth one merely has to repeat one's follies.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
To get cold fins.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
Together in pride  [pink triangle with celtic knotwork]
%%
Together let us beat this ample field,
Try what the open, what the covert yield.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 9
%%
Together we aspire. Together we achieve.
 -- Eric E. Williams
%%
Together, we made enough noise to keep the wolves awake.
%%
Together we must rise to ever higher and higher platitudes.
%%
To get it right, be born with luck or else make it. Never give up. A little
 money helps, but what really gets it right is to never face the facts.
 -- Ruth Gordon
%%
To get people to think they are thinking begets friendship, whereas
 actually to make people think begets resentment. There is no level so low
 to which people will not stoop, even honorable people, to avoid the
 difficulty of thinking.
%%
To get really high is to forget yourself.  And to forget yourself is to
see everything else.  And to see everything else is to become an understanding
molecule in evolution, a conscious tool of the universe.  And I think every
human being should be a conscious tool of the universe.  That's why I think
it's important to get high.  I'm not talking about unconscious or zonked out.
I'm talking about being fully conscious.
 -- Jerry Garcia
%%
To get rid of a pain in the neck, try yawning.
%%
To get something done, a committee should consist of
 no more than three men, two of them absent.
%%
To get the point, rub a porcupine backwards.
%%
To get your fins wet.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
:toggle: vt. To change a {bit} from whatever state it is in to the
   other state; to change from 1 to 0 or from 0 to 1.  This comes from
   `toggle switches', such as standard light switches, though the
   word `toggle' actually refers to the mechanism that keeps the
   switch in the position to which it is flipped rather than to the
   fact that the switch has two positions.  There are four things you
   can do to a bit: set it (force it to be 1), clear (or zero) it,
   leave it alone, or toggle it.  (Mathematically, one would say that
   there are four distinct boolean-valued functions of one boolean
   argument, but saying that is much less fun than talking about
   toggling bits.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
%%
To give of yourself, you must first know yourself.
%%
To give pleasure to a single heart by a single kind act is better than a
thousand head-bowings in prayer.
 -- Saddi
%%
To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought
or measured with money- sincerity and integrity.
 -- Donald Adams
%%
TO GIVE SOMEONE THE PICTURE - To present a long,
  confused and innaccurate statement to a newcomer.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
To give up the task of reforming society is to
give up one's responsibility as a free man.
 -- Alan Paton, 1967
%%
To God the Father, God the Son,
And God the Spirit, Three in One,
Be honour, praise, and glory given
By all on earth, and all in heaven.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Doxology
%%
To go forth and experience the myriad things is delusion.  That the
myriad things spring forth and experience themselves is enlightenment.
 -- Dogen
%%
To go outside the mythos is to become insane....
 -- Robert M. Pirsig
%%
To go through an entire lifetime without a psychedelic experience is sort of
 like driving a mercedes all your life,  and never pushing that one button on
 the dashboard to see what it does.
 -- Terence McKenna
%%
To go to law, is for two persons to kindle a fire at their own cost,
to warm others, and singe themselves to cinders; and because they
cannot agree, to what is truth and equity, they will both agree to
unplume themselves, that others may be decorated with their feathers.
 -- Feltham
%%
To govern is to correct.  If you set an example by being correct, who
 would dare remain incorrect?
 -- Confucius
%%
To go where no man has gone before... BBSing!
%%
To Greece we give our shining blades.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Evenings in Greece, First Evening
%%
TOG: Take Out Garbage
%%
TOG: Time Out, Graduate
%%
To happy convents bosom'd deep in vines,
Where slumber abbots purple as their wines.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book iv, Line 301
%%
To Harmodius, descended from the ancient Harmodius, when he reviled
Iphicrates [a shoemaker's son] for his mean birth, "My nobility,"
said he, "begins in me, but yours ends in you."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Iphicrates
%%
    To hate is to study, to study is to understand, to
    understand is to appreciate, to appreciate is to love.  So
    maybe I'll end up loving your theory.
 -- John A. Wheeler
%%
To have a horror of the bourgeois is bourgeois.
 -- Jules Renard
%%
To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for
richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
till death us do part.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Solemnization of Matrimony
%%
To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as
to be right in doing it.
 -- G.K. Chesterton
%%
To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure.
 -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
To have a women to lye with when one pleases, without running any risk of the
 cursed expense of bastards... these are solid views of matrimony.
%%
To have died once is enough.
 -- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
%%
To have ideas is to gather flowers; to think is to weave them into
garlands.
 -- Madame Swetchine (1782-1857)
%%
To have the swims.  (A temporary disorder of the digestory tract.)
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To have, to love, and then to part,
Is the saddest story of the Human Heart.
%%
To have too much and not enough is like a boat person with sideburns.
%%
To have two left fins.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To heal divisions, to relieve th' opprest;
In virtue rich; in blessing others, blest.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vii, Line 95
%%
To hear the world applaud the hollow ghost
Which blamed the living man.
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
 -- Growing Old
%%
To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother -- I
want to marry one who makes dough like her father.
%%
To heir is human.
 -- Dolores E. Mcguire
%%
To hell with Bill Clinton, get me Phil Hartman!
%%
To hell with criticism. Praise is good enough for me.
%%
To hell with justice...I want blood...
%%
To hell with Ross Perot, get me Dana Carvey!
%%
To hell with user friendly. Will it keep beer cold?
%%
To help you discover why there are so many antique shops, ask yourself just
 how much stuff and junk you have misplaced in the last three months. It had
 to go someplace...
%%
To help your bones to keep your shape 'most every time you bend 'em!
%%
To her, love was like the air of heaven- invisible, intangible; it
yet encircled her soul, and she knew it; for in it was her life.
 -- Miss M'Intosh
%%
To hide their ignominious heads in Troy.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xiv, Line 170
%%
To high-born Hoel's harp, or soft Llewellyn's lay.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, I, 2, Line 14
%%
To him nothing is impossible, who is always dreaming of his past
possibilities.
 -- Carlyle
%%
To him that can take all that you have, give what he asks.
%%
To him who in the love of Nature holds
Communion with her visible forms, she speaks
A various language.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- Thanatopsis
%%
To him who is in fear, everything rustles.
 Sophocles
%%
To hit or not to hit, that is the question.
%%
To hold a pen is to be at war.
 -- Voltaire
%%
To hold, as 't were, the mirror up to nature.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
To hold with the hare and run with the hound.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
TOH: Take Operator Hostage
%%
To IBM, 'open' means there is a modicum of interoperability among some of their
 equipment.
 -- Harv Masterson
%%
Toil does not come to help the idle.
%%
Toilet paper: another fine abrasive by 3M.
%%
 Toilet Paper supplied by John Wayne Toilet Inc.
 Our Motto:  We're ruff and tuff, 'n' we don't take shit from nobody!
 -- Toilet graffiti
%%
Toilet paper will tear on any line but the perforated one.
%%
Toilet Toup'ee, n.:
   Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
creating endless annoyance to male users.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
Toil to make yourself remarkable by some talent or other.
 -- Seneca
%%
To impeach, type: DEL CLINTON.* DEL RODHAM.*
%%
TO IMPLEMEMT A PROGRAM - Hire more people and expand the office.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
To increase speed add lightness
%%
To intervene is to spread burning oil onto troubled waters.
%%
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
%%
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
 -- L. Peter Deutsch
%%
To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.
 -- W. Churchill, on Korean War negotiations
%%
To justify his theft, one trade union official, caught with his hand
in the till, explained that he was using the money to fight Communism.
%%
To keep from falling, keep climbing.
%%
To keep milk from turning sour you should keep it in the cow.
%%
To keep my hands from picking and stealing.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Catechism
%%
To keep someone on their fins.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To keep your friends, treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
%%
To kerke the narre from God more farre,
  Has bene an old-sayd sawe;
And he that strives to touche a starre
  Oft stombles at a strawe.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Shepheardes Calender, July, Line 97
%%
To kill an enterprise, complain that nothing is ever published that
interests you but never offer to write an article, make a suggestion,
or find a writer.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, criticize the work of the organizers and members.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, don't do what has to be done yourself, but
when the members roll up their sleeves and do their very best, complain
that the group is run by a bunch of ego-trippers.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, don't go to meetings.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, get mad if you are not a member of the committee,
but if you are, make no suggestions.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, if you go to the meetings, arrive late.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, never think of introducing new members.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, pay your dues as late as possible.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, say you have no opinion on the subject if
the chair asks for it. After the meeting, say you have learned nothing,
or tell everyone what should have happened.
 -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill is a breaking of civil and moral laws we've lived by for
  thousands of years.
 -- Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4731.3.
%%
To know all things is not permitted.
 -- Horace
%%
To know and to act are one and the same.
 -- Samurai maxim
%%
To know him is to love him--is to know him.
 -- Commander Data
%%
To know how to refuse is as important as to know how to consent.
 -- Baltasar Gracian
%%
To know much is often the cause of doubting more.
 -- Montaigne
%%
    To know only one thing well is to have a barbaric mind:
civilization implies the graceful relation of all varieties of
experience to a central humane system of thought.  The present
age is peculiarly barbaric: introduce, say, a Hebrew scholar
to an ichthyologist or an authority on Danish place names and
the pair of them would have no single topic in common but the
weather or the war (if there happened to be a war in progress,
which is usual in this barbaric age).
 -- Robert Graves
%%
To know
That which before us lies in daily life
Is the prime wisdom.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 192
%%
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
To know the world one must construct it.
 -- Cesare Pavese
%%
To know truly is to know by causes.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
To know what is right and not to do it is the worst cowardice.
 -- Confucius
%%
To know when to be generous and when to be firm -- this is wisdom.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
To know where you can find a thing is the chief part of learning.
%%
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
To labour is the lot of man below;
And when Jove gave us life, he gave us woe.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book x, Line 78
%%
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
%%
To laugh, if but for an instant only, has never been granted to man
before the fortieth day from his birth, and then it is looked upon
as a miracle of precocity.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 2
%%
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and
the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to
find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a
healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know
even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to
have succeeded.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
To laugh, to lie, to flatter, to face:
Four ways in court to win man's grace.
 -- Roger Ascham
%%
Told my girl I'd have to forget her.
Rather buy me a new carburetor.
So she made tracks, saying this is the end, now.
Cars don't talk back, they're just four-wheeled friends, now.
 -- Queen "I'm in Love With My Car"
%%
To lead the people, walk behind them.
 -- Lao-Tzu
%%
To leave this keen encounter of our wits.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Toledo has an ordinance that prohibits throwing reptiles at another person.
%%
To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Tolerance is the apex of any civilization.
%%
Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions.
 -- Chesterton
%%
Tolerance means excusing the mistakes others make.
Tact means not noticing them.
 -- Arthur Schnitzler
%%
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty
to assemble.
%%
"tolerant" liberals' intolerance of Christianity.
 -- Liberal hypocrisy
%%
Tolerating what has been spoiled by the father.
In continuing one sees humiliation.
%%
To let understanding stop at what can be understood is a
high attainment. Those who cannot do it will be destroyed
on the lathe of heaven.
 -- Chuang Tse XXIII
%%
To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
 -- Ursula K. Le Guin, "A Wizard of Earthsea", 1975
%%
To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.
 -- Sri Aurobindo
%%
To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence
as to talk well.
 -- John Marshall
%%
To live and die in scenes like this,
  With some we 've left behind us.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- As slow our Ship
%%
To live content with small means, to seek elegance rather than  luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion, to be worthy, not respectable,
and wealthy, not rich, to study hard, think quietly, talk gently,
act frankly, to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with
open heart, to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasions,
hurry never, in a word to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious,
grow up through the common, this is to be my symphony.
 -- William Henry Channing
%%
To live for some future goal is shallow.  It's the sides of the mountain
that sustain life, not the top.
%%
To live in an evolutionary spirit means to engage with full ambition
and without reserve in the structure of the present,
and yet to let go and flow into a new structure
when the right time has come.
 -- Erich Jantsch
%%
To live in a place where you don't belong is to live in hell.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Hallowed Ground
%%
To live is always desirable.
 -- Eleen the Capellan, "Friday's Child," stardate 3498.9.
%%
To live is Christ, and to die is gain.
 -- New Testament
 -- Philippians i, 21
%%
To live-is to risk dying.
%%
To live is to think.
%%
To live long, it is necessary to live slowly.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
To live now, first come to terms with your past.
%%
To live outside the law, you must be honest.
 -- Bob Dylan
%%
To live well, know the difference between good and evil.
%%
To live with them is far less sweet
  Than to remember thee.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- I saw thy Form
%%
Tolkien is hobbit-forming.
%%
Tolkien Ring is the LAN most preferred in Middle Earth.
%%
Toll for the brave!--
  The brave that are no more!
All sunk beneath the wave,
  Fast by their native shore!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- On the Loss of the Royal George
%%
To loathe the taste of sweetness, whereof a little
More than a little is by much too much.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
To lose a friend is the greatest of all losses.
 -- Syrus
%%
To lose is to learn.
%%
To lose one parent, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune;
to lose both looks like carelessness.
 -- Oscar Wilde
 -- The Importance of Being Earnest
%%
To love and to be wise is scarcely granted to the highest.
 -- Laberius
%%
To love, cherish, and to obey.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Solemnization of Matrimony
%%
To love is find pleasure in the happiness of the person loved.
 -- Baron Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibnitz
%%
To love is good, love being difficult.
%%
To love is the great Amulet that makes this world a garden.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
To love is to suffer.  To avoid suffering one must not love.  But
then one suffers from not loving.  Therefore to love is to suffer.
Not to love is to suffer.  To suffer is to suffer.  To be happy is
to love.  To be happy, then, is to suffer.  But suffering makes one
unhappy.  Therefore to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer,
or suffer from too much happiness.
 -- Woody Allen, "Love and Death"
%%
To love is wise; to hate is foolish.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
To lower the thermostat on the bridge of the Enterprise; to coldly go
where no man has gone before.
%%
To maintain a program is to treat it like a growing plant.  It avails
nothing to pull and tug at a shoot in an attempt to make it grow faster.
 -- The Zen of Programming
%%
To make a bank was a great plot of state;
Invent a shovel, and be a magistrate.
 -- Andrew Marvell (1620-1678)
 -- The Character of Holland
%%
To make a discovery takes long years, but thereafter it can be
explained in the course of an hour.
 -- Steno
%%
To make a fool develop
It furthers one to apply discipline.
The fetters should be removed.
To go on in this way brings humiliation.
%%
To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist--the problem is
 entirely the same in both cases. To know exactly how much oil one must put
 with one's vinegar.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
To make a happy fireside clime
        To weans and wife,--
That is the true pathos and sublime
        Of human life.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Blacklock
%%
To make a long story short... there's nothing like having the boss walk in.
%%
To make it work, you have to DO the work.
%%
To make Murphy's Law fail - try to prove it to someone.
%%
To maken vertue of necessite.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Knightes Tale, Line 3044
%%
To make oneself hated is more difficult than to make oneself loved.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Vogue (November 1, 1956)
%%
To make tax forms true they should
read "Income Owed Us" and "Incommode You".
%%
To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
To make your children capable of honesty is the beginning of education.
%%
To make yourself miserable, cultivate a consistently pessimistic outlook.
%%
To make yourself miserable, don't forget to feel sorry for yourself.
%%
To make yourself miserable, forget the feelings and rights of other people.
%%
To make yourself miserable, forget the good things in life and concentrate
on the bad.
%%
To make yourself miserable, never overlook a slight or forget a grudge.
%%
To make yourself miserable, put an excessive value on money.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are exceptional and entitled
to special privileges.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are indispensable to your
job, your company, and your friends.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are overburdened with
work and that people tend to take advantage of you.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you can control your nervous
system by sheer will power.
%%
Tomalak: "I expected more than an idle threat."
Picard: "Then you shall have it."
 -- "The Defector", Stardate unknown
%%
TO MANKIND And the hope that the war against folly may someday be won, after
 all.
 -- Dedicatory note of The Gods Themselves
%%
To man the earth seems altogether
No more a mother, but a step-dame rather.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Third Day
%%
To many a youth and many a maid
Dancing in the chequer'd shade.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 95
%%
To many men well-fitting doors are not set on their tongues.
 -- Theognis
%%
To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
To marry the girl I did. And she gave me the advice.
 -- General Mark Clark
%%
Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian; wine and tarragon make it French.
 Sour cream makes it Russian; lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy sauce
 makes it Chinese; garlic makes it good.
 -- Alice May Brock
%%
Tomato paste - what you use to fix broken tomatoes.
%%
Tom Baker: the jelly-baby pusher of the universe.
%%
Tom Birch is as brisk as a bee in conversation; but no sooner does he take
a pen in his hand, than it becomes a torpedo to him, and benumbs all his
faculties.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
TOMB, n.  The House of Indifference.  Tombs are now by common consent
invested with a certain sanctity, but when they have been long
tenanted it is considered no sin to break them open and rifle them,
the famous Egyptologist, Dr. Huggyns, explaining that a tomb may be
innocently "glened" as soon as its occupant is done "smellynge," the
soul being then all exhaled.  This reasonable view is now generally
accepted by archaeologists, whereby the noble science of Curiosity has
been greatly dignified.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
TOMCAT WARNING - Liberties Taken With Quotes!
%%
TomDOS 4.0- (G)rin, (O)ffer a jellybaby, (T)rip on scarf.
%%
To me, absolutes are found only in finite algebra and taxes.
%%
To measure a circle, begin anywhere.
%%
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and
 the dancers hit each other.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where
this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a
clown killed my dad.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
To me, "due tomorrow" means just that: Do tomorrow.
%%
To me it is like a mountain.. a vast BOWL of PUS!
 -- Monty Python
%%
To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something
when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give
me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
To me old age is fifteen years older than I am.
 -- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
To me, on of the most exciting things in the world is being poor, and
 survival, such an exciting challenge.
 -- Thomas S. Monaghan, Founder, Domino's Pizza and Legatus, National Catholic
      Reporter, 3/23/90, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves,
      a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
To me personally, it's nothing personal to me.
%%
To me, there is only one form of human depravity - the man without a
purpose.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
To me, there's no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on
 a gravel road, and maybe there's a globe lying next to him.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion.  Truth is real.  And, at the same
 time, unreal.  Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I
 can't remember, all rolled into one big "thing."  This is truth, to me.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Tom Hayden is the kind of politician who gives opportunism a bad
name.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
Tom, I don't get you. Nobody does. I'm the wind, baby.
%%
To-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we
have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame
our own opinion from another.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Self-Reliance"
%%
Tomorrow, do thy worst, for I have lived today.
 -- John Dryden
%%
TOMORROW HAS BEEN CANCELED, DUE TO AN ERROR NOTED ELSEWHERE.
%%
Tomorrow has been cancelled due to lack of interest.
 -- Sjoerd Verweij
%%
Tomorrow is another day, but it'll suck too.
%%
Tomorrow is "National Meat-Out Day." It's being sponsored by vegetarians.
 Not exhibitionists.
 -- David Letterman
%%
To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,
All in the morning betime.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
%%
Tomorrow never comes.
%%
Tomorrow's computers some time next month.
 -- DEC
%%
Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past
but fortunately, it can still be changed today.
%%
To-morrow to fresh woods and pastures new.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 193
%%
Tomorrow & tomorrow & tomorrow creeps in this rutabaga...
%%
Tomorrow we start dieting!
%%
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
%%
To mortal men great loads allotted be;
But of all packs no pack like poverty.
 -- Herrick
%%
To most men, experience is like the stern lights of a ship which
illumine only the track it has passed.
%%
To most of us it would be very convenient if god were a rascal.
%%
To much thinking only leads to delay!
%%
To my daughter Leonora without whose never failing sympathy and encouragement
 this book would have been completed in half the time.  -- P.G. Wodehouse
 -- [Quoted in Pepper's _The Wit and Wisdom of the 20th Century_,
                   p.199, #14]
%%
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
 -- Wilson Mizner
%%
To my mind the old masters are not art; their value is in their sanctity.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
%%
To nail someone's fins to the floor.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
T:      One big monster, he called TROLL.
     He don't rock, and he don't roll;
     Drink no wine, and smoke no stogies.
  He just Love To Eat Them Roguies.
 -- The Roguelet's ABC
%%
To never see a fool, you lock yourself in an empty room and
 break all the mirrors.
%%
Tongue covered eyetooth - couldn't see what I was saying.
%%
Tongue nor heart
Cannot conceive nor name thee!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Tongue Sandwich.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Tongue tied & twisted, just an earthbound misfit I.
%%
TONIC.H20 found. BOTTLE.GIN found. SysOp found...LOADED!
%%
Tonight I'll get out of my head, cause I can't stop,
I'll get out of my head with everything I got.
%%
Tonight I'm yours!
%%
Tonight on BBC1...Ethel the Frog.
%%
Tonight on TBS: The colorized version of "Schindler's List".
%%
Tonight's a perfect night to be doing something else.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Tonight's episode - Drop Personal Pronouns or DIE!
%%
Tonight's forecast: Dark. Continued mostly dark, with scattered light by
 midmorning.
 -- George Carlin
%%
Tonight's piss is tomorrow's Tang.
 -- An American astronaut
%%
Tonight's secret code word is Mud Shark; and (of course) with the Mud Shark
secret code word goes--- the Mud Shark arpeggio: a lovely little arpeggio.
%%
Tonight's the night!
%%
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
%%
Tonight: The Revenge of the Baby-Sat.
%%
Tonight they had that little bit of luck that we didn't have.
%%
Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked
 me for a loop.  She said, "I love carrots."  "Good," I said as I gritted my
 teeth real hard. "Then maybe you and carrots would like to go into the bedroom
 and have sex!"  They didn't, but maybe they will sometime, and I can watch.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Tonight yer taking no hostages, and I'm taking no prisoners.
%%
Tonight you will pay the wages of sin;
Don't forget to leave a tip.
%%
To nourish oneself on ancient virtue induces perseverance.
Danger. In the end, good fortune comes.
If by chance you are in the service of a king,
Seek not works.
%%
Tonsils cure cancer!!  Want to buy some?
%%
Tonya Harding has been named new spokesperson for "The Club".
%%
Tonya Harding opens new night spot in Portland: "Club Nancy."
%%
Tony Orlando and DAWN!
%%
TONY RANDALL!  Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Tony the Tiger Assassinated! Cereal killer suspected!
%%
Too bad about the kamikaze pilots. They had to do all their bragging ahead
 of time.
 -- Tommy Sledge
%%
Too bad about your Rectocranial Inversion. Get well soon
%%
Too bad, Bob , but you know too much.
%%
Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland
 on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could
 do it.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Too bad that stupidity isn't painful...
%%
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs
and cutting hair.
 -- George Burns
%%
Too bad there's not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you'd probably be
 PROUD to be sprayed by one.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody
called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in
class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if
you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else."  Then everybody
would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend
the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping
I'd have to kick him out.  Maybe later we could get up a petition
to get the Cricket Family run out of town.  Bye, Cricket Boy.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it
clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you'd be
amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
To observations which ourselves we make,
We grow more partial for th' observer's sake.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 11
%%
To obtain a man's opinion of you, make him mad.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
Too busy to laugh?  Then you are too busy.
%%
Too chicken to get in harm's way.
%%
Too clever is dumb.
 -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Toodleoo, go with God, and don't take any wooden nickels.
%%
Too dumb to be crooked.
%%
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Too fair to worship, too divine to love.
 -- Henry Hart Milman (1791-1868)
 -- The Belvedere Apollo
%%
Too great haste to repay an obligation is a kind of ingratitude.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 226
%%
Too hot to go to church?  What about Hell?
%%
Took an hour to bury the cat. Silly thing kept moving.
%%
:tool: 1. n. A program used primarily to create, manipulate,
   modify, or analyze other programs, such as a compiler or an editor
   or a cross-referencing program.  Oppose {app}, {operating
   system}.  2. [UNIX] An application program with a simple,
   `transparent' (typically text-stream) interface designed
   specifically to be used in programmed combination with other tools
   (see {filter}, {plumbing}).  3. [MIT: general to students
   there] vi. To work; to study (connotes tedium).  The TMRC
   Dictionary defined this as "to set one's brain to the
   grindstone".  See {hack}.  4. [MIT] n. A student who studies
   too much and hacks too little.  (MIT's student humor magazine
   rejoices in the name "Tool and Die".)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Too late I stayed,--forgive the crime!
  Unheeded flew the hours;
How noiseless falls the foot of time
  That only treads on flowers.
 -- William Robert Spencer (1770-1834)
 -- Lines to Lady A. Hamilton
%%
Too late, Peri. Time to say goodbye.
 -- The Doctor
%%
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be
Ere one can say, "It lightens."
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Tooling through the Universe, we are just electrons flow'n.
%%
Too little sex makes you repeat yourself redundantly.
%%
Too low they build, who build beneath the stars.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night viii, Line 215
%%
:toolsmith: n. The software equivalent of a tool-and-die
   specialist; one who specializes in making the {tool}s with which
   other programmers create applications.  Many hackers consider this
   more fun than applications per se; to understand why, see
   {uninteresting}.  Jon Bentley, in the "Bumper-Sticker Computer
   Science" chapter of his book "More Programming Pearls",
   quotes Dick Sites from DEC as saying "I'd rather write programs to
   write programs than write programs".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Too many American authors have a servile streak where their backbone should
be. Where's our latest Nobel laureate? More than likely you'll find him in the
Rose Garden kissing the First Lady's foot.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Too many authors spoil a book.
%%
Too many bells and whistles.
%%
Too many birds on her antenna.
%%
Too many boards, not enough phone lines.
%%
Too many captains may steer a boat up a mountainside.
 -- Korean proverb
%%
Too many connections. Try later.
%%
Too many cookies will make you fat!!!
%%
Too many cooks, so little meals.
%%
Too Many Cooks Spoil The Broth -- Let Me Do It.
%%
Too many errors on one line (make fewer)
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
Too many evil deeds ruin the doer.
%%
Too many fingers on keyboard error!
%%
Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
%%
Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck.
%%
Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers.  This is a
cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans
themselves.
 -- Albert Einstein
 -- 1929
%%
Too many of your enemies would delight in your death, Doctor.
 -- Turlough
%%
Too many pages make a tome.
%%
Too many people are digging up their roots when they should be
cultivating their sprouts.
%%
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity.
They seem more afraid of life than death.
 -- James F. Byrnes
%%
Too many people have died for you to play the fool.
 -- Lt. Scott, EARTHSHOCK
%%
Too many people in this world means not enough M&M's for me.
%%
Too many people in this world sit back and expect the grass to
grow under their feet even though they didn't plant any seeds.
%%
Too many people with half a mind to write an introductory programming text
do so.
 -- David Gries, Cornell University
%%
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
 -- Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)
%%
Too much agreement kills a chat.
%%
Too much FREE space? Keep *.BAK files!
%%
Too much glory can be half disgrace.
%%
Too much gravity argues a shallow mind.
 -- Lavater
%%
Too much is just enough.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), [on whiskey]
%%
Too much is never enough...
%%
Too much love is dangerous.
%%
Too much love is dangerous
Cupid's arrow kills Vulcans
 -- Dionyd and Eraclitus, the Platonians, "Plato's Stepchildren,"
       stardate 5784.3.
%%
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
 -- Mae West
%%
Too much of anything, even love, isn't necessarily a good thing.
 -- Kirk, "The Trouble with Tribbles," stardate 4525.6.
%%
Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Too much of anything often leaves one with a feeling of regret.
%%
Too much of everything is just enough.
 -- Bob Wier
%%
Too much of the world is run on the theory,
 you don't need road manners if you are a five-ton truck.
%%
Too much patience goes nowhere.
%%
Too much sanity may be madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it
is and not as it should be!
 -- Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote
%%
   T
  O O
  MUC
H S E X
MAKESYO
UREYESG
O FUNNY
%%
Too much shareware, not enough registration $$$.
%%
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
%%
To one commending an orator for his skill in amplifying petty matters,
Agesilaus said, "I do not think that shoemaker a good workman that
makes a great shoe for a little foot."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Laconic Apophthegms, Of Agesilaus the Great
%%
To one that promised to give him hardy cocks that would die fighting,
"Prithee," said Cleomenes, "give me cocks that will kill fighting."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Cleomenes
%%
Too nicely Jonson knew the critic's part;
Nature in him was almost lost in Art.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- To Sir Thomas Hammer on his Edition of Shakespeare
%%
Too often I find that the volume of paper expands
 to fill the available briefcases.
 -- Governor Jerry Brown
%%
Too often people have come to me and said, "If I had just one wish for
anything in all the world, I would wish for more user-defined equations
in the HP-51820A Waveform Generator Software.
 -- Instrument News [Once is too often.  Ed.]
%%
Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
Too old to rock 'n roll, too young to die.
 -- Jethro Tull
%%
To open...Open like any umbrella.  To close...Close like any umbrella.
 -- Instructions for Sears compact manual umbrella
%%
Too poor for a bribe, and too proud to importune;
He had not the method of making a fortune.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On his own Character
%%
To oppose something is to maintain it.
To oppose vulgarity is inevitably to be vulgar.
%%
Too rashly charged the troops of error, and remain as trophies unto
the enemies of truth.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Religio Medici, Part i, Sect. vi
%%
Too Rough: Soren Redd
%%
To Oscar Levant:
   If you had it all over again, Oscar, would you fall in love with
 yourself?
%%
Too soft a bed tends to make people dream,
which is unhealthy and weakening.
 -- Girl Scout Manual, 1913
%%
Too stupid to know what I'm involved in.
%%
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
Too Telix or not too Telix .. nah, it ain't even a question!
%%
Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
 -- Johnson and Laird's Law
%%
TOO: Turn On/off Operator
%%
To pass through a time-warp backward through time; to oldly go where
no man has gone before.
%%
To perceive is to suffer.
 -- Aristotle, De Anima
%%
TOPE, v.  To tipple, booze, swill, soak, guzzle, lush, bib, or swig.
In the individual, toping is regarded with disesteem, but toping
nations are in the forefront of civilization and power.  When pitted
against the hard-drinking Christians the absemious Mahometans go down
like grass before the scythe.  In India one hundred thousand beef-
eating and brandy-and-soda guzzling Britons hold in subjection two
hundred and fifty million vegetarian abstainers of the same Aryan
race.  With what an easy grace the whisky-loving American pushed the
temperate Spaniard out of his possessions!  From the time when the
Berserkers ravaged all the coasts of western Europe and lay drunk in
every conquered port it has been the same way:  everywhere the nations
that drink too much are observed to fight rather well and not too
righteously.  Wherefore the estimable old ladies who abolished the
canteen from the American army may justly boast of having materially
augmented the nation's military power.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Top executives cannot afford to be isolated from the people below, who
are in better touch with what is going on, and cannot afford to set
unrealistic goals.
 -- Charles Burck
%%
To philosophize is to doubt.
 -- Montaigne
%%
:topic drift: n. Term used on GEnie, USENET and other electronic
   fora to describe the tendency of a {thread} to drift away from
   the original subject of discussion (and thus, from the Subject
   header of the originating message), or the results of that
   tendency.  Often used in gentle reminders that the discussion has
   strayed off any useful track.  "I think we started with a question
   about Niven's last book, but we've ended up discussing the sexual
   habits of the common marmoset.  Now *that's* topic drift!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Top male models make 1/10 of what top female models get.
%%
To poldly bow air mobius gumby four: Trek on novocaine.
%%
Topologists do it on rubber sheets.
%%
Topologists do it openly.
%%
To Post, or Not To Post....that is the question!
%%
Top paddock is full of rocks.
%%
Top priority - it may be idiotic but the boss wants it
 -- Glossary of important business terms
%%
TOP PSYCHICS CONCUR THAT ALIENS REVEALED SECRET OF MYSTERY WONDER DIET
TO ELVIS BEFORE HE DIED!!
%%
To preserve liberty, it is necessary that the whole body of the
people possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young,
how to use them.
 -- Richard Henry Lee
%%
To prevent baldness, follow the few simple rules which are listed here:

 1. Eat at least five ounces of parsnips each day, while standing on your
    head.
 2. Cut your hair only on the first Friday after a full moon, if it is on an
    even numbered day.
 3. Rinse your hair in salt water no less than three times per day for no
    less than a minute each time.
 4. A vigorous rum rinse with slightly warmed rum should follow each salt
    water wash.
 5. On the even numbered Saturdays, use fresh eggs as a shampoo for your
    hair.

 By following these simple rules you will die of exhaustion long before your
 hair starts to fall out and you will avoid all those pesky Herbalife
 Salespersons trying to get you to use their shampoo.
%%
To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium.
%%
To prevent splatter, cover dish before microwaving cat.
%%
To prevent splatter, cover dish before microwaving hamster.
%%
To process or not to process that is the question!
%%
To program anything that is programmable is obsession.
%%
To program is to be.
%%
To program is to understand.
 -- Kristen Nygaard
%%
:TOPS-10:: /tops-ten/ n. DEC's proprietary OS for the fabled {PDP-10}
   machines, long a favorite of hackers but now effectively extinct.
   A fountain of hacker folklore; see {Appendix A}.  See also {{ITS}},
   {{TOPS-20}}, {{TWENEX}}, {VMS}, {operating system}.  TOPS-10 was
   sometimes called BOTS-10 (from `bottoms-ten') as a comment on the
   inappropriateness of describing it as the top of anything.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Top scientists agree that with the present rate of consumption, the
earth's supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 24th century.
As man struggles to discover cheaper alternatives, we need your help.
Please...

                 CONSERVE GRAVITY

Follow these simple suggestions:

(1)  Walk with a light step.  Carry helium balloons if possible.
(2)  Use tape, magnets, or glue instead of paperweights.
(3)  Give up skiing and skydiving for more horizontal sports like
     curling.
(4)  Avoid showers .. take baths instead.
(5)  Don't hang all your clothes in the closet ... Keep them in one big
     pile.
(6)  Stop flipping pancakes
%%
Top Scientists Predict That Earth Will Explode at 10:34 PM Tonight.
Film at 11.
%%
Top scorer so far is Watkinson with his 50 or Atherton with his 40.
%%
Top Secret message - please read, print and eat.
%%
Top Ten Christmas Movies in Times Square
  10.  Hot Buttered Elves
   9.  Santa's Magic Lap
   8.  Babes in Boyland
   7.  Crisco Kringle
   6.  Yes, Yes, Oh God Yes, Virginia
   5.  Ninja Reindeer Killfest '88
   4.  Not-So-Tiny Tim
   3.  Santa Goes Round-The-World
   2.  The Nutcracker Swede
   1.  I'm Not Rudolph; That's Not My Nose
 -- David Letterman
%%
TOP: Trap OPerator
%%
To pull together is to avoid being pulled apart.
 -- Bob Allisat
%%
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
To put a girdle round about the world.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Bussy D'Ambois, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
To put your best fin forward.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To put your fin in your mouth.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To read, perchance to DeChancie.
%%
To read without reflecting, is like eating without digesting.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
To rebel against a powerful political, economic, religious, or social
estab- lishment is very dangerous and very few people do it, except,
perhaps, as part of a mob. To rebel against the scientific establishment,
however, is the easiest thing in the world, and anyone can do it and
feel enormously brave, without risking as much as a hangnail. Thus,
the vast majority, who believe in astrology and think that the planets
have nothing better to do than form a code that will tell them whether
tomorrow is a good day to close a business deal or not, become all
the more excited and enthusiastic about the bilge when a group of
astronomers denounces it.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
To reform a man, you must begin with his grandmother.
 -- Victor Hugo
%%
To refrain from imitation is the best revenge.
 -- Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, book 6.
%%
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
%%
To refuse to decide is a decision.
 -- Peter Brent
%%
To remember is to understand.
%%
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put
the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
%%
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
 -- Actual excerpt from student science exam papers.
%%
TO RESEARCH - Go looking for the jerk who moved the files.
 -- THE ALL-PURPOSE BUSINESSMAN'S VOCABULARY
%%
To respond to this message, press "R"....
%%
To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.
 -- Jack Paar
%%
To restrict a segment of the population to such hardship is unthinkable
  in an evolved culture.
 -- Spock, "The Cloud Minders," stardate 5818.4
%%
To rest, the cushion and soft dean invite,
Who never mentions hell to ears polite.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iv, Line 149
%%
To return home, you must walk backwards in time & space.
%%
To return to our wethers.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book i, Chap. i, n, 2
%%
To revive the domestic auto industry by deregulation is to offer
aphrodisiacs to the dead.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Tori Amos, Alice Cooper, Danzig (alot of them), Extreme, Faith No More.
%%
Torn from their destined page (unworthy meed
Of knightly counsel and heroic deed).
 -- John Ferriar (1764-1815)
 -- Illustrations of Sterne, Bibliomania, Line 121
%%
Torn out books are most used books.
%%
To robbe Peter and pay Poule.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Toroidal carbohydrate modules?  Make mine glazed!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Toronto Blue Jays - 1992 World Series Champions
%%
Torque... Torque is the answer.
%%
Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
%%
Torture: The Ultimate Art Form.
%%
To rule is easy, to govern difficult.
 -- Goethe
%%
To rule one's anger is well; to prevent it is still better.
 -- Tyron Edwards
%%
Torvil & Dean knows how the USA boxing team felt in Korea.
%%
TORY: Those Other Reform Yuks!
%%
To safeguard one's health at the cost of too strict a diet is a tiresome
illness indeed.
 -- Francios de La Rochefoucauld
%%
To save a Life in defeat, is to receive Victory and Honor.
 -- The Best of the Best (motion picture)
%%
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
%%
To save face:  keep lower half shut.
%%
To Save the Earth. The Humans must die.
%%
To save the state the expense of a trial, your honor, my client has
 escaped.
 -- Chon Day
%%
To save your sanity, don't play DOOM!!!
%%
To save your world you asked this man to die;
Would this man, could he see you now, ask why?
 -- W. H. Auden (1907-1973), Epitaph for an Unknown Soldier
%%
To say a human being is nothing but molecules is like saying
a Shakespearean play is nothing but words.
 -- The Sagan Fallacy
%%
To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy.
%%
To say nothing of its holiness or authority, the Bible contains more
specimens of genius and taste than any other volume in existence.
 -- Walter S. Landor
%%
To say that vogons are not above a little bribery and corruption is
 like saying that the sea is not above the sky
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
To say the right thing at the right time, keep quiet most of the time.
%%
To say you got a vote of confidence
would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.
 -- Andrew Young
%%
 (To scare off annoying liberals:)  Hello, and thank you for
 calling the Bush in 50 Campaign.  Your five dollar donation to
 get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically
 be charged to your phone bill.  If you would like to leave a
 message...
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
To seal or not to seal, that is a ziplock.
%%
To search for perfection is all very well,
But to look for heaven is to live here in hell.
%%
To secure peace is to prepare for war.
 -- Carl von Clausewitz
%%
To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
%%
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And heaven in a wild flower,
To hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
 -- William Blake
%%
To see God, look into the eyes of a baby parrot.
%%
To see her is to love her,
  And love but her forever;
For Nature made her what she is,
  And never made anither!
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Bonny Lesley
%%
To see is often to understand.  This may be true in science as in
ordinary life.
%%
To see Kean act was like reading Shakespeare by flashes of lightning.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
To seek out strange, new taglines... to BOLDLY quote...
%%
To seek permission is to seek denial.
 -- Steve Jobs
%%
To see the butcher slap the steak, before he laid it on the block,
and give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly.  It was
agreeable, too -it really was- to see him cut it off, so smooth and juicy.
There was nothing savage in the act, although the knife was large and keen;
it was a piece of art, high art; there was delicacy of touch, clearness of
tone, skillful handling of the subject, fine shading.  It was the triumph of
mind over matter; quite.
 -- Dickens [Martin Chuzzlewit]
%%
To see the light, you have to be in the dark.
 -- The SpamPope
%%
To see what is right and not to do it is cowardice.
 -- Cervantes
%%
To see what is right and not to do it, is want of courage.
 -- Confucius Analects
%%
To see which way the tides are flowing, you have to feel the tea leaves.
 -- New-age cliche hall of fame
%%
To see you naked is to recall the Earth.
 -- Federico Garcia Lorca
%%
To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
To sell is to own.
 -- Clive Barker
%%
To serve and control, that's our motto, that's what we do.
 -- Policeman, "Who's Who", Eerie Indiana
%%
To Serve Man- at better booksellers.
%%
To Serve, To Strive and Not to Yield
 -- Motto of Outward Bound
%%
To set the mind above the appetites is the end of abstinence, which
one of the Fathers observes to be, not a virtue, but the groundwork
of a virtue.
 -- Johnson
%%
To share with a friend is to see twice the beauty.
%%
To shave the heads of the crew of the Enterprise; to baldly go where
no man has gone before...
%%
To sigh, yet feel no pain;
  To weep, yet scarce know why;
To sport an hour with Beauty's chain,
  Then throw it idly by.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Blue Stocking
%%
To sigh, yet not recede; to grieve, yet not repent.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- Tales of the Hall, Book iii, Boys at School
%%
To sing the same tune, as the saying is, is in everything cloying
and offensive; but men are generally pleased with variety.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
 -- Charles William Stubbs
%%
To sit silently,
 and look wise,
 is not to be compared
 to drinking sake
 and making a riotous shouting.
 -- Ono No Tabitu
%%
To Ski or Not to Ski THAT is the Question!
%%
To sleep, perchance to Dream.
%%
To Smokers: Frankly, I'd prefer if you'd fart.
%%
To Smokers: I didn't know that they were forecasting fog this morning.
%%
To Smokers: I don't mind if you smoke just so I can crap in your cup.
%%
To Smokers: I don't mind if you smoke just so I can piss in your cup.
%%
To Smokers: If you smoke, may I fart in your face?
%%
To Smokers: If you smoke, may I rip a stinky in your face?
%%
To Smokers: Look at all the money you save if you killed yourself now.
%%
To solve the problems of today, we must focus on tomorrow.
 -- Erik Nupponen
%%
To some generations much is given. Of others much is expected.
This generation has a rendezvous with destiny.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
To some lawyers, all facts are created equal.
 -- Felix Frankfurter
%%
    To sorrow
    I bade good-morrow,
And thought to leave her far away behind;
    But cheerly, cheerly,
    She loves me dearly;
She is so constant to me, and so kind.
 -- John Keats (1795-1821)
 -- Endymion, Book iv
%%
To sow schools is to reap men.
 -- Fidel Castro
%%
To speak kindly does not hurt the tongue.
%%
To spell out the obvious is often to call it in question
 -- Hoffer
%%
To Split, or not to Split: that is the question.
 -- Amoeba
%%
To sport with Amaryllis in the shade,
Or with the tangles of Neaera's hair.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 68
%%
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will
take the longest and cost the most.
 -- Warren's Rule
%%
To spray the Enterprise in a heavy metallic element; to goldly go
where no man has gone before.
%%
To spread white rushes underneath.
No blame.
%%
To stand in silence when they should be protesting makes cowards of
men.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
To stand up -- or be setup?
 -- Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, book 6.
%%
TOS: Tape Operating System
%%
TOS,TAS,TMP,TWOK,TSFS,TNG,TVH,TFF,TUC,DSN,VOY,???
%%
To stay ahead, you must have your next idea waiting in the wings.
 -- Rosabeth Moss Kanter
%%
To stay young requires unceasing cultivation
of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
To stay youthful, stay useful.
%%
To steal from a thief is not theft.   It is merely irony.
 -- Zorro, while retrieving money taxed from Californians
%%
To steal from one person is theft.   To steal from many is taxation.
 -- Daiell's Law (a take-off on Felson's Law)
%%
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
 -- Felson's Law
%%
To steal information from a person is called plagarism.  To steal
    information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #48
%%
To steal this TAGLINE press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] now...
%%
To stick your fin in something.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To stop your computer from going down, marry it!
%%
TOS: Trash Operating System
%%
To stub your fin.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
 -- Finagle's First Rule
%%
To succeed first learn to fake sincerity.
%%
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be
 well-mannered.
 -- Francois Marie Voltaire
%%
To succeed planning alone is insufficient. One must improvise as well.
 -- Salvor Hardin
%%
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait
 to disprove it.
 -- Cary Grant
%%
To sun myself in Huncamunca's eyes.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
(to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius)

Pillage, rape, and loot and burn, but all in moderation.
If you do the things we say, then you'll soon rule the nation.
Kill your foes and enemies and then kill your relations.
Pillage, rape, and loot and burn, but all in moderation.
 -- Plunderer's Theme
 -- Mike Schuh, friend and colleague
%%
To surpress minority thinking and minority expression would tend to
freeze society and prevent progress ... Now more than ever, we must
keep in the forefront of our minds the fact that whenever we take
away the liberties of those we hate, we are opening the way to loss of
liberty for those we love.
 -- Wendell Willkie (1892-1944), Republican candidate for President, 1940
%%
To survive, one must be able to adapt to changing situations.
 -- Tyrannosaurus Rex
%%
To swim all over someone.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To swim a red light.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To swim circles around the opposition.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
To TAG or not to TAG - that is the question!
%%
To take arms against a C of troubles.
%%
To take a significant step forward, you must make a series of finite
 improvements.
 -- Donald J. Atwood, General Motors
%%
To take Macaulay out of literature and society and put him in the
House of Commons, is like taking the chief physician out of London
during a pestilence.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 265
%%
To take the Genesis online IQ test: press Alt/H
%%
Total Confusion: The Power Source of the Future !!
%%
To talk to a child, to fascinate him, is much more difficult than to win an
electoral victory. But it is also much more satisfying.
 -- Colette
%%
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
%%
Totally illogical, there was no chance.
 -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven," stardate 2822.3.
%%
Totally non-offensive tagline. G-rated.
%%
Total paranoia IS really only 100% awareness.
%%
Total quality management
 a way of teaching your managers five words of Japanese,
 without any risk that they will acquire an equivalent
 amount of competence
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Total strangers need love too--and I'm stranger than most!
%%
TOTAL
  The sum or entire amount of a number of things, which if added by
  hand tends not to relate in any way shape or form to the values or
  attributes of those things. Oh bugger, where's the calculator got
  to?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
To teach is to learn.
 -- Japanese Proverb
%%
To teach is to learn twice.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
To teach men how to live without certainty, and yet without being
paralyzed by hesitation, is perhaps the chief thing philosophy can
still do.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
To tell a falsehood is like the cut of a saber; for though the wound may
heal, the scar of it will remain.
 -- Saadi (1184-1291)
%%
To tell....alas, I may not be original, but I found something to post.
%%
To tell tales out of schoole.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
To tell us that every species of thing is endowed with an occult
specific quality by which it acts and produces manifest effects, is to
tell us nothing; but to derive two or three general principles of motion
from phenomena, and afterwards to tell us how the properties and actions
of all corporeal things follow from those manifest principles, would be
a very great step.
 -- Isaac Newton
%%
To the atheist, death is the end; to the believer, the beginning; to
 the agnostic, the sound of silence.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
To the average male there is seemingly nothing so attractive or so
 challenging as a reasonably good-looking young mother who is married and
 ALONE.
%%
 To the Batmobile!  Let's go!  Atomic batteries to power!
 Turbines to speed!  Roger, ready to move out!  (Theme music from
 Batman; reduce to background.)  As you can see, I'm off making
 Montreal a safer place' to live.  So if you'll leave a message
 after the tone, I'll get back to you as soon as justice is
 served.  Bye-bye!  (Music continues.  POW, BIFF.)
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
%%
(to The Caissons Go Rolling Along)
Scratch the disks, dump the core,      Shut it down, pull the plug
Roll the tapes across the floor,       Give the core an extra tug
And the system is going to crash.      And the system is going to crash.
Teletypes smashed to bits.             Mem'ry cards, one and all,
Give the scopes some nasty hits        Toss out halfway down the hall
And the system is going to crash.      And the system is going to crash.
And we've also found                   Just flip one switch
When you turn the power down,          And the lights will cease to twitch
You turn the disk readers into trash.  And the tape drives will crumble
                                          in a flash.
Oh, it's so much fun,                  When the CPU
Now the CPU won't run                     Can print nothing out but foo,
And the system is going to crash.      The system is going to crash.
%%
To the Caliph I am dirt, but to dirt, I am Caliph.
%%
TO THE CLASS OF 1987:
Unfortunately, a full 16% of you will be functionally illiterate. I'm afraid
you'll have a hard row to hoe in the job market; after all, there are only so
many staff positions at USA Today.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
To the Czar: When the peple were penniless, the Czar was Nicholas.
%%
To thee, and gentle Rigdom Funnidos,
Our gratulations flow in streams unbounded.
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- Chrononhotonthologos, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
To the frustrated, freedom from responsibility is more attractive than
freedom from restraint.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
To the Gay Laugh of my Mother at the Gate of the Grave.
 -- Sean O'Casey
%%
To the generous mind, the heaviest debt is that of gratitude, when
'tis not in our power to repay it.
 -- Dr. Thomas Franklin
%%
To the glory that was Greece
And the grandeur that was Rome.
 -- Edgar A. Poe (1809-1849)
 -- To Helen
%%
To the habitual reader, reading is a drug of which he is the slave;
deprive him of printed matter and he grows nervous, moody, and restless; then,
like the alcoholic bereft of brandy who will drink shellac or methylated
spirit, he will make do with the advertisements of a paper five years old; he
will make do with a telephone directory.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), "The Bum"
%%
To the intelligent man or woman, life appears infinitely mysterious. But the
stupid have an answer for every question.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
To their own second thoughts.
 -- Mathew Henry (1662-1714)
 -- Commentaries, Job vi
%%
To the latter end of a fray and the beginning of a feast
Fits a dull fighter and a keen guest.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
To the law and to the testimony.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah viii, 20
%%
To the man-in-the-street, who, I'm sorry to say,
Is a keen observer of life,
The word "Intellectual" suggests straight away
A man who's untrue to his wife.
 -- W. H. Auden
%%
To the memory of the Man, first in war, first in peace, and first
in the hearts of his countrymen.
 -- Henry Lee (1756-1816)
 -- Memoirs of Lee, Eulogy on Washington, Dec. 26, 1799
%%
To th' end of a shot and beginning of a fray.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. vii
%%
To the old cat, the tender mouse.
%%
To these crocodile tears they will add sobs, fiery sighs, and sorrowful
countenance.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 2, Memb. 2, Subsect. 4
%%
To the systems programmer, users and applications serve
 only to provide a test load.
%%
 (To the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries":)
 Leave a message...  Leave a message...
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
To the unbeliever, all signs are as dust in the wind.
 -- Hepesh, Curse of Peldon
%%
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
To the unwashed public, that woman is a star.  But
to those who know her, she's a commodity who would
sell her own bowel movement.
 -- Anthony Newley re: ex-wife Joan Collins
%%
To the very last, he [Napoleon] had a kind of idea; that, namely,
of la carriere ouverte aux talents,--the tools to him that can handle
them.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Sir Walter Scott, London and Westminster Review, 1838
%%
To the wage earner, "free enterprise" is the way his boss treats
him and those around him.
 -- Malcolm Forbes
%%
'To the Workers of the world, I am sorry.'
 -- Karl Marx
 -- Seen on the side of an East German factory
%%
To thine own self be cool.
%%
To think contrary to one's era is heroism.
But to speak against it is madness.
 -- Eugene Ionesco
%%
To think is easy and to act is hard, but the hardest thing in the
world is to act in accordance with your thinking.
%%
To think is first of all to create a world (or to limit one's own
world, which comes to the same thing).
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
 -- The Myth of Sisyphus (1955)
%%
To think is human, to compute, divine.
%%
To think is to differ.
 -- Clarence Darrow
%%
To think on your level means grunting to myself a lot.
%%
To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional
system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy,
inelegant, and unsatisfying.  But it's a question of congruence:
precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel,
uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar,
well-defined ones.  Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures
of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very
secure ecological niche.
 -- Beau Sheil, Power Tools for Programmers
%%
To those who are awake, there is one ordered universe common to all, whereas
in sleep each man turns away from this world to one of his own.
 -- Heraclitus
%%
To those who doubt the importance of careful mate selection, remember
how Adam wrecked a promising career.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
To those who know thee not, no words can paint!
And those who know thee, know all words are faint!
 -- Hannah More (1745-1833)
 -- Sensibility
%%
To tip-fin.
 -- Cliches for merfolk
%%
Toto, don't think we're online anymore%$#^@# NO CARRIER
%%
Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...
%%
Toto :  If you must suffer, suffer in silence.
Boho :  Oh all right.  I don't mind suffering is silence, as long as
        everyone knows I'm suffering in silence
 -- Toto the monkey and Boho the hippopotamus,
          from the Jungle Doctor story, "Sweet and Sour Hippo"
%%
To tolerate everything is to teach nothing.
%%
:toto: /toh-toh'/ n. Reportedy the default scratch file name
   among French-speaking programmers --- in other words, a francophone
   {foo}.  It is reported that the phonetic mutations "titi",
   "tata", and "tutu" canonically follow `toto', analogously to
   {bar}, {baz} and {quux} in English.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
To treat a poor wretch with a bottle of Burgundy, and fill his snuff-box,
is like giving a pair of laced ruffles to a man that has never a shirt
on his back.
 -- Tom Brown (1663-1704)
 -- Laconics
%%
To treat your facts with imagination is one thing, but to imagine
your facts is another.
 -- John Burroughs
%%
To try may be to die, but not to care is never to be born.
%%
To try where there is little hope is to risk failure.
Not to try at all is to guarantee it.
%%
Totsnotter: A child who is crying and talking simultaneously.
%%
Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust.
%%
Touch not; taste not; handle not.
 -- New Testament
 -- Colossians ii, 21
%%
Touch us gently, Time!
  Let us glide adown thy stream
Gently,--as we sometimes glide
  Through a quiet dream.
 -- Bryan W. Procter (1787-1874)
 -- Touch us gently, Time
%%
Tough Love is better than co-dependency.
%%
Tough? My goldfish can whip your dog!
%%
Tough school? In mine, on teacher's appreciation day, we untied them and
 let them run freely, to the principal's office.
%%
ToughtonDOS 2.0:  "When I say RUN, RUN!"
%%
To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
%%
To understand death, I must amass information on every aspect of it. The
  experiments shouldn't take more than a third of the crew, maybe half.
 -- Nagilum, "Where Silence Has Lease", stardate 42193.6
%%
To understand is to perceive patterns.
 -- Isaiah Berlin, Historical Inevitability
%%
To understand other's miseries, look at their pleasures.
%%
To understand political power aright ... we must consider what state
all men are naturally in, and that is a state of perfect freedom
to order their actions ... within the bonds of the law of nature,
without asking leave, or depending upon the will of any other man.
 -- John Locke
%%
To understand recursion you have to understand recursion.
%%
To undertake a project, as the word's derivation indicates, means to cast an
 idea out ahead of oneself so that it gains autonomy and is fulfilled not only
 by the efforts of its originator but, indeed, independently of him as well.
 -- Czeslaw Milosz
%%
To unpathed waters, undreamed shores.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Winter's Tale
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
To update Voltaire, "I may kill all msgs from you, but I'll fight for
your right to post it, and I'll let it reside on my disks".
 -- Doug Thompson (doug@isishq.FIDONET.ORG)
%%
TOURIST:
A pretty girl in Oklahoma.
%%
Tourist: Do you know how many Welsh people it takes to change a light bulb?
Welsh Choir: No, but you sing it and we'll hum the tune in moving harmony...
%%
:touristic: adj. Having the quality of a {tourist}.  Often used
   as a pejorative, as in `losing touristic scum'.  Often spelled
   `turistic' or `turistik', so that phrase might be more properly
   rendered `lusing turistic scum'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:tourist information: n. Information in an on-line display that is
   not immediately useful, but contributes to a viewer's gestalt of
   what's going on with the software or hardware behind it.  Whether a
   given piece of info falls in this category depends partly on what
   the user is looking for at any given time.  The `bytes free'
   information at the bottom of an MS-DOS `dir' display is
   tourist information; so (most of the time) is the TIME information
   in a UNIX `ps(1)' display.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:tourist: [ITS] n. A guest on the system, especially one who
   generally logs in over a network from a remote location for {comm
   mode}, email, games, and other trivial purposes.  One step below
   {luser}.  Hackers often spell this {turist}, perhaps by
   some sort of tenuous analogy with {luser} (this also expresses the
   ITS culture's penchant for six-letterisms).  Compare {twink},
   {read-only user}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tourists -- have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies.   When you get
 to your destination, say to your driver, Pay? I was hitchhiking.
 -- David Letterman
%%
To use violence is to already be defeated.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
To use words but rarely is to be natural.
 -- Lao Tzu
%%
To us, it might look like just a rag.  But to the brave, embattled men of the
 fort, it was more than that.  It was a flag of surrender.  And after that, it
 was torn up and used for shoe-shine rags, so the men would look nice for the
 surrender.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
To us, killing is murder, even for revenge.
 -- Kirk, "Plato's Stepchildren," stardate 5784.3.
%%
To us, violence is unthinkable.
 -- Ayleborne of Organia, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3201.7.
%%
Tout cela m'est egal.
 -- Meursault
It's all the same to me.
%%
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question...or is it?
%%
To vanish in the chinks that Time has made.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Paestum
%%
TO VAX ELOQUENT - The act of preparing a glossary for the VAX.
%%
To waft a feather or to drown a fly.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Night Thoughts, Night i, Line 154
%%
(To Walter Cronkite):
 "Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number
 of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running
 up and down a street"
 -- Neil Armstrong
%%
Tower'd cities please us then,
And the busy hum of men.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 117
%%
Towering genius disdains the beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto
unexplored.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
To what base uses may we return! Why may not imagination trace the
noble dust of Alexander, till it find it stopping a bung-hole? As
thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth to
dust; the dust is earth: of earth we make loam. And why of that loam,
whereto he was converted, might they not stop a beer barrel?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
To whatever extent this nation is racist, that racism is fueled
primarily by the rantings and ravings and ravings and inconsistencies, the
absolute idiocies of people like Jesse Jackson and Benjamin Chavis.
 -- Rush Limbaugh
%%
To what position do you want to be teleported?
%%
To what purpose should I trouble myself in searching out the secrets of
the stars, having death or slavery continually before my eyes?
 -- Anaximenes
%%
To which we may add this other Aristotelian consideration, that he
who confers a benefit on any one loves him better than he is beloved
by him again.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. viii, Of the Affections of Fathers
%%
       To whoever finds this note -
       I have been imprisoned by my father who wishes me to marry
       against my will.  Please please please please come and rescue me.
       I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle.
   SIR LAUNCELOT's eyes light up with holy inspiration.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
To Whom It May Concern: YOU're a special person.
%%
To whom should I go to for some self-help?
%%
To whom the mornings are like nights,
What must the midnights be!
 -- Emily Dickinson (on hacking?)
%%
To whom thy secret thou dost tell, to him thy freedom thou dost sell.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
To Wilde, a book on Italian literature showed a "want of knowledge that
 must be the result of years of study."
%%
To Willie's widow, Lily, and her new husband, Teixeira de Mattos,
Wilde said, "I am dying beyond my means.   I will never outlive the
century.  The English people would not stand for it.  I am responsible
for the failure of the Exhibition: the English went away when they saw
me there so well-dressed and happy.  The English know this too, and
they will not stand me any more." . . . To Alice Rothenstein Oscar
remarked, "I can't even afford to die."
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the highest
skill.  To subdue the enemy without fighting is the highest skill.
 -- Sun Tzu
%%
To win the secret of a weed's plain heart.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Sonnet xxv
%%
To wish well is part of becoming well.
 -- Seneca
%%
To witness titanic events is always dangerous, usually painful, and
often fatal.
 -- Nessus "Ringworld"
%%
To witness two lovers is a spectacle for the gods.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
To write a good love-letter you ought to begin without knowing what
you mean to say, and end without knowing what you have written.
 -- Rousseau
(And then when she never speaks to you again, you'll wonder why you listened
to this quote.)
%%
To write a verse or two is all the praise
That I can raise.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Praise
%%
To write good code is a worthy challenge, and a source of civilized
delight.
 -- stolen and paraphrased from William Safire
%%
To write well is at once to think well, to feel rightly, and to render
properly! It is to have, at the same time, mind, soul, taste.
 -- Buffon
%%
To write with taste, in the highest sense, is to write with the assumption
that one out of a hundred people who read one's work may be dying, or have
some loved one dying; to write so that no one commits suicide, no one
despairs; to write, as Shakespeare wrote, so that people understand,
sympathize, see the universality of pain, and feel strengthened, if not
directly encouraged to live on.
 -- John Gardner, "The Art of Fiction"
%%
TOW: Take Over World
%%
TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES
  Fictional alleged humour written during the early-1990s by some
  deranged git in Australia. Now known to cause permanent brain
  damage if consumed for long periods of time.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Toxicology- a risky profession.
%%
Toxicology:  The wholesale slaughter of white rats bred
   especially for that purpose.  (See also CLINICAL
   TESTING, PHARMACOLOGY).
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Toxic substances are a danger to the environment, and frequently a topic of
 discussion in smoke filled bars and such.
%%
:toy language: n. A language useful for instructional purposes or
   as a proof-of-concept for some aspect of computer-science theory,
   but inadequate for general-purpose programming.  {Bad Thing}s
   can result when a toy language is promoted as a general purpose
   solution for programming (see {bondage-and-discipline
   language}); the classic example is {{Pascal}}.  Several moderately
   well-known formalisms for conceptual tasks such as programming Turing
   machines also qualify as toy languages in a less negative sense.
   See also {MFTL}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:toy: n. A computer system; always used with qualifiers.
   1. `nice toy': One that supports the speaker's hacking style
   adequately.  2. `just a toy': A machine that yields
   insufficient {computron}s for the speaker's preferred uses.  This
   is not condemnatory, as is {bitty box}; toys can at least be fun.
   It is also strongly conditioned by one's expectations; Cray XMP
   users sometimes consider the Cray-1 a `toy', and certainly all RISC
   boxes and mainframes are toys by their standards.  See also {Get
   a real computer!}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Toyota: Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All
%%
Toyota          Too Often Yankes Overprice This Auto
%%
To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to
  other people, wasn't it?
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
To you it may be a holy war, to her it's only Tuesday.
 -- Eric Bogle
%%
To you it's a potato. To _me_ it's a potato. But to Sir Walter bloody
  Raleigh...it's country estate, fine carriages, and as many girls as
  his tongue can cope with.
 -- Edmund to Baldrick : Potato
%%
To your left is the marina where several senior cabinet officials keep luxury
 yachts for weekend cruises on the Potomac.   Some of these ships are up to 100
 feet in length; the Presidential yacht is over 200 feet in length, and can
 remain submerged for up to 3 weeks.
 -- Garrison Keillor
%%
:toy problem: [AI] n. A deliberately oversimplified case of a
   challenging problem used to investigate, prototype, or test
   algorithms for a real problem.  Sometimes used pejoratively.  See
   also {gedanken}, {toy program}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:toy program: n. 1. One that can be readily comprehended; hence, a
   trivial program (compare {noddy}).  2. One for which the effort
   of initial coding dominates the costs through its life cycle.
   See also {noddy}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell.
%%
Toys in the attic.
%%
TPDH    Tell Programmer to Do it Him/Herself
%%
TPD: Terminal Printer Destruct
%%
TPD: Total Program Diagnostic
%%
TPD: Triple Pack Decimal
%%
TPFE*   *Tiredest person on the face of the earth
%%
TPF: Turn Power oFf
%%
TPN: Turn Power oN
%%
TPO     Turn Power Off
%%
TPR: Tear PapeR
%%
Tp Triumph is Pious; To Burp, Recreational!
%%
Tracers work both ways.
%%
Trackball: a mouse that went belly up.
%%
TrackIt! v1.0 for Telix
%%
Trackman(men) have bigger balls.
%%
Tractor pulls: for people who can't understand wrestling.
%%
Trade a player a year too early rather than a year too late.
 -- Branch Rickey
%%
Traded my flammable clothes for inflammable ones. I'm safe now!
%%
Trade in your Harley-Davidson for a motor scooter.  That way you
won't have to make a choice about whether you get to change gears, or
use the brakes.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Trade ya' some MIPs for some MegaFlops!
%%
Tradition does not mean that the living are dead;
 it means the dead are living.
 -- Harold Macmillan
%%
Tradition is a guide and not a jailer.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
Tradition is always the last refuge for the incompetent.
%%
Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the
 money to do it right.
 -- Kurt Herbert Alder
%%
Trafalgar Square, my foot!   Not a pigeon in sight.
 -- Sarah, THE SONTARAN EXPERIMENT
%%
TRAFFIC
  A mass of sometimes moving, sometimes stationary metal blobs on
  rubber wheels, which doesn't seem to diminish even on declared
  smog-alert days.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
TRAFFIC LIGHT
 Apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches it.
%%
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
 -- David Letterman
%%
TRAGEDY:
A busload of lawyers driving off a cliff with three empty seats.
%%
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
 Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
 -- Mel Brooks
%%
 "Tragedy On The Cliff" by Eileen Dover
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
- "tragic"         Bob Hawke (Australia) (hawkie@lodge.canberra.gov.aus)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Trails got to be here somewhere.
 -- D. Boone
%%
Trainees do it as practice.
%%
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond;
cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Train of thought derailed... dozens killed... film at 11:00.
%%
Train of thought derailed / still boarding at the station.
%%
Train of Thought-Now boarding - Last stop; Gutter.
%%
Trains don't kill people, level crossings do.
%%
Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will
not depart from it.
 -- Proverbs 22:6
%%
TRAITOR (n.): A person winning an argument with a liberal.
%%
Traits we despise in people, we prize as virtues in cats!
%%
TRAM
  Large green thing which rumbles down city streets, carrying people
  to where they want to go. Generally follows a predetermined path,
  but in no way subscribes to outlandish concepts such as
  "timetables". It is generally recognised that trams, like
  computers, shops, and a multitude of other services, would run much
  smoother if no-one actually used them.(*)
      (*) Trams would also run smoother if dickheads in cars could
  remember what the yellow lines meant, and how to avoid driving in
  lanes that feature this popular decoration.
      Computers would run smoother if not only were they not
  subjected to users, but could also reject programs and data, and
  just sit around all day humming.
      Shops would run smoother if they held no stock, never sold
  anything, and were filled in with solid concrete to prevent
  looters.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
TRAMPOLINE ACROBATS do it in the air
%%
TRAMPOLINE ACROBATS do it over a net
%%
TRAMPOLINE ACROBATS do it swinging from bars
%%
TRAMPOLINE ACROBATS do it under the big top
%%
:trampoline: n. An incredibly {hairy} technique, found in some
   {HLL} and program-overlay implementations (e.g., on the
   Macintosh), that involves on-the-fly generation of small executable
   (and, likely as not, self-modifying) code objects to do indirection
   between code sections.  These pieces of {live data} are called
   `trampolines'.  Trampolines are notoriously difficult to understand
   in action; in fact, it is said by those who use this term that the
   trampoline that doesn't bend your brain is not the true
   trampoline.  See also {snap}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tranquillizers might get you killed.
%%
Transcend political correctness and strive for human righteousness.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Transfer aborted (again)(ha ha ha ha!!)...
%%
TRANSFER:
A promotion you receive on the condition that you leave town.
%%
Transformers do it by coupling.
%%
Transforms old print
To zigzag manuscript, and cheats the eyes
Of gallery critics by a thousand arts.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 363
%%
TRANSIT COMPANY- group that complains of bad business when all
passengers get seats.
%%
Translations from the Child:

 "I don't know why. He just hit me."
 He hit his brother.

 "I didn't hit him. I just sort of pushed him."
 He hit his brother.

 "I didn't do anything."
 He hit his brother.

 "Mo-m-m-my!"
 His brother hit him.
 -- Robert Paul Smith
%%
Translations from the Husband part 1 of 2:

 "There's not one clean shirt"
 He's looking in the underwear drawer

 "I don't know what you're talking about"
 He knows what you're talking about, but he doesn't know what you're saying
 about what you're talking about.

 "Me? Angry?"
 He. Angry.
 -- Robert Paul Smith
%%
Translations from the Husband part 2 of 2:

 "I don't want to talk about it"
 He doesn't want you to talk about it anymore. Please.

 "The subject is closed."
 He'll bring you some flowers.

 "Let's just forget all about it."
 He'll bring you some flowers, and you remember it and he'll forget all
 about it.
 -- Robert Paul Smith
%%
Translations from the Saleslady, part 1 of 2:

 "I'm afraid we really don't have anything quite like that."
 You're a $19.95 girl prepared to spend $29.95 in an $89.95 store.

 "Just look at the detailing."
 The seams are sewed with thread.

 "Just feel the body of that cloth."
 It's thick material.

 "Just see how that material drapes."
 It's thin material.
 -- Robert Paul Smith
%%
Translations from the Wife:

"I don't know what you're talking about."
/ She knows exactly what you're talking about.

"It isn't what you said, it's the way you said it."
/ You have looked down the front of another woman's dress.

"Me? Angry?" / She. Angry.

"I don't want to talk about it." / Bring me flowers.

"I don't even want to discuss it." / Bring me a diamond bracelet.

"Men!" / You.

"I've been thinking ..." / She's been brooding.

"It isn't what you said, it's the way you said it."
/ It isn't the way you said it, it's what you said.
 -- Robert Paul Smith
%%
Transplanted from Wisconsin.
%%
Transporter room, beam that tagline up immediately!
%%
Transporter room!  Duracell!  There, that's better.
%%
Transporter Room Three is used - drink!
%%
Transporting really is the safest way to travel.
 -- Geordi
%%
Transvestite: He who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
%%
Transvestite Nazi bikers and those who love `em on the next Oprah!
%%
Transvestites enjoy mixed company....alone!
%%
TRANSVESTITE:
 Someone who spends his junior year at college abroad.
%%
Transvestites suffer from delusions of gender.
%%
:trap: 1. n. A program interrupt, usually an interrupt caused by
   some exceptional situation in the user program.  In most cases, the
   OS performs some action, then returns control to the program.
   2. vi. To cause a trap.  "These instructions trap to the
   monitor."  Also used transitively to indicate the cause of the
   trap.  "The monitor traps all input/output instructions."

   This term is associated with assembler programming (`interrupt'
   or `exception' is more common among {HLL} programmers) and
   appears to be fading into history among programmers as the role of
   assembler continues to shrink.  However, it is still important to
   computer architects and systems hackers (see {system},
   sense 1), who use it to distinguish deterministically repeatable
   exceptions from timing-dependent ones (such as I/O interrupts).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:trap door: alt. `trapdoor' n. 1. Syn. {back door} --- a
   {Bad Thing}.  2. [techspeak] A `trap-door function' is one
   which is easy to compute but very difficult to compute the inverse
   of.  Such functions are {Good Thing}s with important
   applications in cryptography, specifically in the construction of
   public-key cryptosystems.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Trapezoid (n): A device for catching zoids.
%%
Trapped by exponentially decreasing response.
%%
Trapped, like a trap in a trap.
 --  Dorothy Parker
%%
Trash Drive C:? (Y)es (O)k (F)ine by me
%%
:trash: vt. To destroy the contents of (said of a data structure).
   The most common of the family of near-synonyms including {mung},
   {mangle}, and {scribble}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TRA: Te Rdls Arvs [type ridiculous abbreviations]
%%
Traveler: "It's not over Wesley...there's still a way."
 -- "Remember Me", Stardate unknown
%%
Traveler there is no path. Paths are made by walking.
 -- Antonio Machado
%%
Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
%%
Traveling faster than light, but left his sneakers behind.
%%
Traveling makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the
world.
 -- Flaubert
%%
Traveling this spring?  Visit Pern in between.
%%
Travel, in the younger sort, is a part of education; in the elder,
a part of experience. He that travelleth into a country before he
hath some entrance into the language, goeth to school, and not to
travel.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Travel
%%
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Travelling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy!
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
TRAVEL:
Something that makes you feel like you're getting somewhere.
%%
:trawl: v. To sift through large volumes of data (e.g., USENET
   postings, FTP archives, or the Jargon File) looking for something
   of interest.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TRD: TRansfer and Drop bit
%%
Treading a smooth, level course.
The perseverance of a dark man
Brings good fortune.
%%
Treading. Treading upon the tail of the tiger.
It does not bite the man. Success.
%%
Treason doth never prosper: what 's the reason?
Why, if it prosper, none dare call it treason.
 -- Sir John Harrington (1561-1612)
 -- Epigrams, Book iv, Ep, 5
%%
Treasure your relationships, not your possessions.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Treat a whore like a lady and a lady like a whore.
%%
Treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.
%%
Treat every woman as if you have slept with her and you soon will.
%%
Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
%%
Treaties are like roses and young girls. They last while they last.
 -- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
%%
Treat me like a fool, treat me mean and cruel, but love me.
%%
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be
and you help them to become what they are capcable of being.
 -- Johann W. von Goethe
%%
Treat romance like a cane toad, study it furtively, then squash it.
%%
Treat the bailiff with respect. He has a gun.
 -- Malcolm Lewis
%%
Treat the media as you would any other watchdog. Stay calm, be friendly,
let them sniff your hand and never turn your back.
 -- Amy Sprinkles, Public Information Officer, City of Grand Prairie (TX)
%%
Treat the other man's faith gently: it is all he has to believe with.
 -- Henry S. Haskins
%%
Treat women like dirt -- use them as mulch in your garden.
%%
Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 401
%%
Treat your guest as a guest for two days; on the third day, give him a hoe.
 -- Swahili proverb
%%
Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use
it, and get a new one every six months.
 -- Clifford Stoll
%%
Treat yourself to something you haven't had in years--an original thought.
%%
Treat yourself well.
%%
Treble says to Mad Dog at Canada's Wonderland:  "You're weeeeird!"
%%
T-Recall BBS: Harder disks, bigger bits, tighter ASCII!
%%
Tree Hugger's Nightmare: Mt. Graham Red Squirrel Stew ...
%%
:tree-killer: [Sun] n. 1. A printer.  2. A person who wastes
   paper.  This epithet should be interpreted in a broad sense;
   `wasting paper' includes the production of {spiffy} but
   {content-free} documents.  Thus, most {suit}s are
   tree-killers.  The negative loading of this term may reflect the
   epithet `tree-killer' applied by Treebeard the Ent to the Orcs
   in J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" (see also
   {elvish}, {elder days}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TREE
  Large plant form, most commonly favoured by dogs, children
  afflicted with climbing fixations, hungry cats, and logging
  companies.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
TREE MEN do it in more crotches than anyone else.
%%
TREE, n.  A tall vegetable intended by nature to serve as a penal
apparatus, though through a miscarriage of justice most trees bear
only a negligible fruit, or none at all.  When naturally fruited, the
tree is a beneficient agency of civilization and an important factor
in public morals.  In the stern West and the sensitive South its fruit
(white and black respectively) though not eaten, is agreeable to the
public taste and, though not exported, profitable to the general
welfare.  That the legitimate relation of the tree to justice was no
discovery of Judge Lynch (who, indeed, conceded it no primacy over the
lamp-post and the bridge-girder) is made plain by the following
passage from Morryster, who antedated him by two centuries:

        While in yt londe I was carried to see ye Ghogo tree, whereof
    I had hearde moch talk; but sayynge yt I saw naught remarkabyll in
    it, ye hed manne of ye villayge where it grewe made answer as
    followeth:
        "Ye tree is not nowe in fruite, but in his seasonne you shall
    see dependynge fr. his braunches all soch as have affroynted ye
    King his Majesty."
        And I was furder tolde yt ye worde "Ghogo" sygnifyeth in yr
    tong ye same as "rapscal" in our owne.
                                               _Trauvells in ye Easte_
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.
 -- President Ronald Reagan
%%
Trees don't fall in the forest when no one's around to hear them.  Sometimes
 they just happen to be on the ground when you see them again.
%%
Trees hit cars only in self-defence.
%%
Trees make more smog than cars.
 -- R. Reagan
%%
Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.
 -- [Imitation] Steven Wright
%%
Trees wave back and forth, creating wind.
%%
:treeware: /tree'weir/ n. Printouts, books, and other information
   media made from pulped dead trees.  Compare {tree-killer}, see
   {documentation}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Trek Classic -- Who Needs Another Generation?
%%
Trek excuse #1:  The Prime Directive clearly forbids it!
%%
Trekkies of the world, get a life.
%%
Trekkies with girlfriends - on the next Geraldo.
%%
Tremble, thou wretch,
That hast within thee undivulged crimes,
Unwhipp'd of justice.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Tremble your way to Fitness...
%%
Trespassers will be eaten.
%%
Trespassers will be experimented on!
%%
Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be prosecuted.
%%
Trespassers will be violated.
%%
Trial Law: Tess Temoni
%%
Trials never end, of course. Unhappiness and misfortune are bound
to occur as long as people live, but there is a feeling now, that
was not here before, and is not just on the surface of things, but
penetrates all the way through: We've won it. It's going to get
better now. You can sort of tell these things.
 -- Robert Pirsig
 -- Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
%%
TRIANGLE
  Three-sided object which, even in isosceles form, begins to get very
  boring after only a short time. For maximum excitement, an object
  with many more sides should be considered.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
*>  -
 <- Tribble Archery
%%
Tribble breeding is a hairy experience.
%%
Tribble Con '93.  Guest Tribble: Shatner's Hairpiece.
%%
TRIBBLE.DAT = * TRIBBLE.ZIP = / TRIBBLE.ARJ = .
%%
* <- Tribble   h <- Tribble Sandwich
%%
Tribble math: * + * = ***********************************
%%
Tribble math: * + Grain = ***********
%%
* . . . . .              <- Tribble Mother and Young
%%
* <- Tribble   o <- Jean Luc Tribble
%%
*}- Tribble Olympics: Archery
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  3 3 3 <- after being stuck in elevator
%%
Tribbles - $5.00 for all you can pile on top of you.
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  _ _ _ <- after fight with Godzilla
%%
* * * <- Tribbles        <- Cloaked tribbles
%%
*// *// *//   <- Tribbles Going Skiing
%%
*/ \*       <-Tribbles having a swordfight
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  i i i <- Tribbles after Biology lab
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  j j j <- Tribbles wearing condoms
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  k k k <- Hari Krishna tribbles
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  m m m <- Tribbles with hula hoops
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  o o o <- Bald tribbles
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  o o o <- Tribbles after a hair cut
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  op op op <- Tribbles on a windy day
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  p p p <- dissected tribbles
%%
*^ *^                                 <- Tribbles Praying
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  .*/   <- Sergeant tribble
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  *} *} *} <- Squared tribbles
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  . . . <- Tribbles after a hair cut
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ <- Tribbles in heaven
%%
Tribbles who love Klingons, on the next Oprah!
%%
* * * <- Tribbles  y y y <- Tribbles after a hair cut
%%
*     <- Tribble   #     <- Tribble After Borg Assimilation
%%
*/  <==-- Tribble with a lightsaber
%%
* <- Tribble   y <-Tribble after a close shave
%%
TRIBIOLOGICAL ENGINEERS do it by using lubricants
%%
TRICHINOSIS, n.  The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.
    Moses Mendlessohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian
physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as
trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name.  "You need and
immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork
every other day."
    "Pork?" shrieked the patient -- "pork?  Nothing shall induce me to
touch it!"
    "Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked.
    "I swear it!"
    "Good! -- then I will undertake to cure you."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Trickle down theory -- when the $$$ go from George to Neil.
%%
Tried to call Phoenix, I misdialed FIJI.
%%
Tried to hang myself with bungee cord.  I kept almost-dying.
%%
Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got were footnotes!
%%
Trieste, Italy: Gun-toading thugs hijacked a bloodmobile
 near the Italian-Yugoslavian border, stealing hundreds of
 pints of freshly drawn blood. Lawmen blame the robbery on
 vicious, thirst-crazed vampires!
 -- Weekly World News, Vampires Hijack Bloodmobile!
%%
Trifles light as air
Are to the jealous confirmations strong
As proofs of holy writ.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Trifles make perfection and perfection itself is no trifle.
 -- Michelangelo
%%
Trill Burger: Try one, you'll feel like a new person!
%%
Trilogy (n). Series of three books, sometimes more.
%%
Trim federal government waste -- fire Al Gore.
%%
Trim Those Sideburns Too?: Buzz Cutt
%%
Trinity is the word for a committed god.
%%
TRINITY, n.  In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches,
three entirely distinct deities consistent with only one.  Subordinate
deities of the polytheistic faith, such as devils and angels, are not
dowered with the power of combination, and must urge individually
their clames to adoration and propitiation.  The Trinity is one of the
most sublime mysteries of our holy religion.  In rejecting it because
it is incomprehensible, Unitarians betray their inadequate sense of
theological fundamentals.  In religion we believe only what we do not
understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that
contradicts an incomprehensible one.  In that case we believe the
former as a part of the latter.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Tripe on its own is revolting, but with onions it's delicious!
%%
Triple your drive space! Delete OS/2!!
%%
:trit: /trit/ [by analogy with `bit'] n. One base-3 digit; the
   amount of information conveyed by a selection among one of three
   equally likely outcomes (see also {bit}).  Trits arise, for
   example, in the context of a {flag} that should actually be able
   to assume *three* values --- such as yes, no, or unknown.  Trits are
   sometimes jokingly called `3-state bits'.  A trit may be
   semi-seriously referred to as `a bit and a half', although it is
   linearly equivalent to 1.5849625 bits (that is,
   log2(3)
   bits).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Triumphal arch, that fill'st the sky
  When storms prepare to part,
I ask not proud Philosophy
  To teach me what thou art.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- To the Rainbow
%%
Triumphs for nothing and lamenting toys
Is jollity for apes and grief for boys.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Triumph: The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
%%
Trivia is my Business.
%%
:trivial: adj. 1. Too simple to bother detailing.  2. Not worth the
   speaker's time.  3. Complex, but solvable by methods so well known
   that anyone not utterly {cretinous} would have thought of them
   already.  4. Any problem one has already solved (some claim that
   hackish `trivial' usually evaluates to `I've seen it before').
   Hackers' notions of triviality may be quite at variance with those
   of non-hackers.  See {nontrivial}, {uninteresting}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Trivial matters are handled promptly; important matters are never solved.
%%
Tri-weekly, try weekly, and try weakly - but do try.
 -- The three stages of sexual activity
%%
:troglodyte: [Commodore] n. 1. A hacker who never leaves his
   cubicle.  The term `Gnoll' (from Dungeons & Dragons) is also
   reported.  2. A curmudgeon attached to an obsolescent computing
   environment.  The combination `ITS troglodyte' was flung around
   some during the USENET and email wringle-wrangle attending the
   2.x.x revision of the Jargon File; at least one of the people it
   was intended to describe adopted it with pride.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:troglodyte mode: [Rice University] n. Programming with the lights
   turned off, sunglasses on, and the terminal inverted (black on
   white) because you've been up for so many days straight that your
   eyes hurt (see {raster burn}).  Loud music blaring from a stereo
   stacked in the corner is optional but recommended.  See {larval
   stage}, {hack mode}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TROGLODYTE, n.  Specifically, a cave-dweller of the paleolithic
period, after the Tree and before the Flat.  A famous community of
troglodytes dwelt with David in the Cave of Adullam.  The colony
consisted of "every one that was in distress, and every one that was
in debt, and every one that was discontented" -- in brief, all the
Socialists of Judah.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
%%
Troi: "Amanda's a Q?" Beverly: "How is that possible?  Her, her parents,
her biological parents were  human!" Q: "Well, not exactly.  They
had *assumed* human form, in order in visit Earth,  I suppose, for,
for amusement.  But in *vulgar* human fashion, they proceeded  to
conceive a child."  [Winks at Beverly]  "And then like markish humans,
they  became attached to it."
 -- "True Q", Stardate 46192.3
%%
Troi Burger: Double decker!
%%
Troi: "Data, how many people on that station?"
Data: "Fifteen-thousand, three-hundred-eleven."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Troi: "'Established parameters'?  You sound like Data!"
Timothy: "'I am an android.'"
Troi: "I see.  Well, let's go for a walk, shall we?"
Timothy: "'That would be acceptable.'"
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Troi: "Give yourself some credit, Mister Barclay."
Barclay: "Maybe...you're right."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate Unknown
%%
Troi: "Hello, Timothy.  Are you ready to go?"
Timothy: "Yes, Counselor, I am ready."
Troi: "How do you feel?"
Timothy: "I am functioning within estabished parameters."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Troi: "His world is gone, Data.  You're going to have to help him build a new
  one."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Troi: "How do you feel now?"
Barclay: "Smaller."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44721.9
%%
Troi: "How do you feel?"
Picard: "Almost human...with just...a bit of a headache."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Troi: How was your date with Data? Tasha: Insufficient.
%%
Troi: "I'd better be going."
Barclay: "Must you?"
Troi: I think so."
Barclay: "Wouldn't you like to take a walk with me...to the Arboretum?  The
  Zamenes should be in bloom."
Troi: "Reg, as your former counselor, I don't think it would be appropriate."
Barclay: "I don't need a counselor.  What I need is the company of a charming,
  intelligent woman."
Troi: "Good night."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
TROI: I feel pain, GREAT pain ... RIKER: Glad you liked it.
%%
Troi: "I'm proud of you, Reg.  I'm glad for you too."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Troi: "I'm restless.  Mind if I visit for a while?"
Riker: "Please."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Troi: "In two or three weeks, Nanites may be all that's left of the
Federation."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Troi: "It's beautiful."
Data: "I hope you enjoy it."  [Flash]  "I hope you enjoy it."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Troi: "It seems you have an advocate, Q."
Data: "I am merely stating the facts, Counselor."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Troi: "It's like waking up from a nightmare and not remembering what it was
  about."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45431.7
%%
Troi: "It's not easy having an overbearing parent.  Believe me, I know how you
  feel."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Troi: "I've learned to remind myself that my mother and I are two separate
  individuals."
Jev: "And have you enjoyed much success with this approach, Counselor?"
Troi: "No.  But I do keep reminding myself."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Troi: "I was just visiting, uh...  We'll talk again soon, Commander."
Riker: "Of course.  Thank you, Counselor."
Ro: "Bye."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Troi: "Lots of things improve with age...maybe your trombone playing
will be one
  of them."
 -- Troi, "Future Imperfect", Stardate unknown
%%
Troi: "Mister Dokachin, we must find this ship and you're the only one who can
  help us."
Dokachin: "Who are you?"
Troi: "Deanna Troi, ship's counselor."
Dokachin: "He probably figures that we don't get to see a lot of handsome women
  out this way.  And someone like you might get a little more coorporation from
  me.  He's probably right."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.6
%%
Troi: "Nothing feels right.  This room, this ship, most of all, this war we're
  fighting."
Riker: "I don't imagine war ever feels right."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Troi: "_Ode To Psyche_ by John Keats."
Riker: "Open it."
Troi: "'To Will.  All my love, Deanna.'"
Riker: "That may explain some of the familiar feelings we have."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Troi: "Oh, and the next time you call me 'aristocratic'..."
 -- "The Loss", Stardate unknown
%%
Troi: "Reg?  May I join you?"
Barclay: "Of course, please.  Sit down, Counselor."
Troi: "Hard at work."
Barclay: "I'm getting prepared for tomorrow's meeting in Engineering.  We're
  planning our repair strategy."
Troi: "I really enjoyed the scene you just performed."
Barclay: "Hmm.  You're a very forgiving audience."
Troi: "Not at all.  I thought you were brilliant."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Troi: "Reg, you've frightened all of us.  I'm sure that wasn't your intent."
Barclay: "Young children are sometimes frightened of the world.  That doesn't
  mean that their parents should let them stay in their cribs."
Troi: "Are we children to you now?"
Barclay: "I can see so much more now than you are capable of.  You should trust
  that."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Troi: "So how much do you remember?" Barclay: "I, I, I remember doing
everything.  I just don't remember how or why!"
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44721.9
%%
Troi: "So what else has your research uncovered about William Riker?"
Riker: "Exactly medically inclined, loves to climb mountains, is from somewhere
  called 'Alaska', enjoys exotic food, and takes his vacations on a planet
  called 'Risa'."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Troi: "So, what would you like?"
Timothy: "Androids do not eat or drink.  However, we sometimes like to taste
  things."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Troi: "So, you're no longer human."
Timothy: "'I am an android.'"
Troi: "When did this happen?"
Timothy: "I've always been an android."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Troi: "Spare me the inspirational anecdote."
 -- "The Loss", Stardate unknown
%%
Troi: "The captain will do everything in his power to stop you."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Troi: "They made you human as part of your punishment." Q: "No, it
was my request.  I could've to exist as a Marcophian sea lizard, or
a  Belzoidian flea.  Anything I wished, as long as it was *mortal*!
 And since I  had only a fraction of a second to mull, I chose this,
and asked them to bring  me here." Troi: "Why?" Q: "Because in the
universe, you're the closest thing I have to a friend, Jean-  Luc."
 -- "Deja Q", Stardate 43539.1
%%
Troi: "This entire situation is a little bit unnerving."
Riker: "It's been a long day, we've all been through a lot."
Troi: "We certainly have."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Troi: "This is a banana split...and it's quite possibly one of the greatest
  things in the universe."
 -- "Suddenly Human", Stardate unknown
%%
Troi: "Timothy's a boy feeling a great deal of pain.  But, he is a boy again.
  Is this difficult for you, Data?"
Data: "'Difficult'?"
Troi: "To watch him, moving away from being like you."
Data: "That would require an emotional context which I cannot provide."
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Troi: "Troi to Bridge.  Data has made first contact with Captain Picard."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Troi: "We don't need any more convincing.  Please, obey the captain's orders.
  Stop whatever it is you're doing."
Barclay: "You must trust me."
Troi: "How can we trust an officer who doesn't follow orders?"
Barclay: "Trust me."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Troi: "What's it like being an android?"
Timothy: "'I am designed to exceed human capacity, both mentally and
  physically.'"
Troi: "You don't?  No emotion at all?"
Timothy: "'That is correct.'"
 -- "Hero Worship", Stardate 45397.3
%%
Troi: "You know, almost everyone has a moment in their lives when
they exceed  their own limits, achieve what seems to be impossible."
LaForge: "The tricky part is what happens afterwards." Troi: "You
almost always feel a sense of loss.  But it is possible to carry 
something of that experience through the rest of your life in ways
that you're  not even aware of now." Barclay: "I, uh, I think I know
what you're saying."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44721.9
%%
Troi: "You've changed."
Barclay: "Is that a professional opinion?"
Troi: "No, pure observation."
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate 44705.3
%%
Troi: "You've made tremendous progress." Barclay: "I, uh, I, I guess."
Troi: "Don't you think so?" Barclay: "Well, I just feel more comfortable,
uh, playing somebody else.  And  maybe all of this, is, is, is not
any better than, eh, escaping in, into a  Holodeck fantasy." Troi:
"I disagree.  This isn't fantasy, it's theatre.  You used to withdraw
onto  the Holodeck.  You isolated yourself inside your own imagination
avoiding  contact with real people.  Look at yourself now.  Look at
all the other people  you're with.  You're not just acting, you're
*interacting*.
 -- "The Nth Degree", Stardate Unknown
%%
:Trojan horse: [coined by MIT-hacker-turned-NSA-spook Dan Edwards]
   n. A malicious, security-breaking program that is disguised as
   something benign, such as a directory lister, archiver, game, or
   (in one notorious 1990 case on the Mac) a program to find and
   destroy viruses!  See {back door}, {virus}, {worm},
   {phage}, {mockingbird}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Trojan:  Storage device for replicating codes.
%%
Troll Appreciation Society, join today!!
%%
Trolls are described as rubbery: they keep bouncing back.
%%
TROMBONE PLAYERS are constantly sliding it in and out.
%%
TROMBONE PLAYERS do it faster
%%
Trombone players do it in 7 positions.
%%
TROMBONE PLAYERS do it with slide action finger control
%%
TROMBONE PLAYERS do it with slide oil
%%
TROMBONE PLAYERS have something that's always long and hard
%%
TROMBONE PLAYERS slide it in and out
%%
TROMBONE PLAYERS use more positions
%%
Trombonists do it in seven positions.
%%
Trombonists do it with better positions.
%%
Trombonists slide it in and out.
%%
Trombonists use more positions.
%%
:tron: [NRL, CMU; prob. fr. the movie "Tron"] v. To become
   inaccessible except via email or `talk(1)', especially when
   one is normally available via telephone or in person.  Frequently
   used in the past tense, as in: "Ran seems to have tronned on us
   this week" or "Gee, Ran, glad you were able to un-tron
   yourself".  One may also speak of `tron mode'; compare
   {spod}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Troops in Somalia were sacrificed due to bureaucratic incompetency.
%%
Tropical Paradise by Kumon Iwannaf*ckya
%%
Trouble always comes at the wrong time.
%%
Trouble at Dartmoor Prison today ... A bomb destroyed the toilet block.
 Local residents have complained that, since then, at least twenty inmates
 have been seen going over the wall.
 -- Ronnie Barker
%%
Trouble brings experience, and experience brings wisdom.
%%
Trouble: Charles Manson.  *REAL* Trouble: His evil twin.
 -- Mister Boffo
%%
Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
 in eucalyptus trees.
%%
Trouble is like a sieve through which we sift our acquaintances.
Those too big to pass through are our friends.
 -- Arlene Francis
%%
Trouble is most often expansive and expensive.
%%
Trouble is only an opportunity in work clothes.
 -- Henry J. Kaiser
%%
Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give
the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.
 -- Dinah Shore
%%
Trouble rather the tiger in his lair than the sage amongst his books.
For to you Kingdoms and their armies are things mighty and enduring,
but to him they are but toys of the moment, to be overturned by the
flicking of a finger.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
%%
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the
house the next job after a series of threes is not the fourth job- it's
the start of a brand new series of threes.
 -- Avery
%%
Trouble with you Jewish girls is that your desire
to DO is in inverse proportion to your willingness to TALK about it.
 -- Slovotsky's Law number Twenty-Three
 -- Walter Slovotsky, The Sleeping Dragon by Joel Rosenberg
%%
Trout fishing. One must be a stickler for proper form. Use nothing but #4
blasting caps. Or a hand grenade, if handy. Or at a pool well-lined with
stone, one blast from a .44 magnum will bring a few stunned brookies quietly
to the surface.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
TR: Turn into Rubbish
%%
Truants do it absently.
%%
TRUCE, n.  Friendship.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you
are waiting for the truck.
%%
TRUCK DRIVERS carry bigger loads.
%%
TRUCK DRIVERS do it on the road
%%
TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.
%%
TRUCKERS have moving experiences
%%
Truck pulls: for people that can't understand wrestling.
%%
Truck Pulls: for people who don't understand WWF.
%%
True artists scorn nothing.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
 -- Nobel Prize speech (1957)
%%
True as the needle to the pole,
Or as the dial to the sun.
 -- Barton Booth (1681-1733)
 -- Song
%%
True contiguous memory... The final frontier...
%%
True courage is like a kite; a contrary wind raises it higher.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
True dignity is never gained by place, and never won when honors
are withdrawn.
 -- Massinger
%%
True ease in writing comes from art, not chance,
As those move easiest who have learn'd to dance.
'T is not enough no harshness gives offence,--
The sound must seem an echo to the sense.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 162
%%
True eloquence consists in saying all that should be said,
not all that could be.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of the body;
the two are ever united.
 -- Humboldt
%%
True enlightenment is a radical goal.
%%
True enough, you can not cross the bridge till you come to it, but it is
 well in this world of constant uncertainty, to keep an extra pontoon or two
 handy, just in case you get to a river without a bridge.
%%
True friends are like diamonds.. precious and rare. False friends
are like autumn leaves.. found everywhere. 
%%
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
 -- Dave Tyson Gentry
%%
True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known
until it be lost.
 -- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
True friendship is never serene.
 -- Marie de Rabutin-Chantal
%%
True friendship is seen through the heart not through the eyes.
%%
True friendship's laws are by this rule exprest,--
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xv, Line 83
%%
True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain,
hazardous, and conflicting information.
%%
True greatness consists in the use of a powerful understanding to
enlighten oneself and others.
 -- Voltaire
%%
:true-hacker: [analogy with `trufan' from SF fandom] n. One who
   exemplifies the primary values of hacker culture, esp. competence
   and helpfulness to other hackers.  A high compliment.  "He spent
   6 hours helping me bring up UUCP and netnews on my FOOBAR 4000
   last week --- manifestly the act of a true-hacker."  Compare
   {demigod}, oppose {munchkin}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
True happiness/Consists not in the multitude of friends,/But in the worth and
choice
 -- Ben Jonson             Cynthia's Revels act III, sc.ii
%%
True happiness will be found only in true love.
%%
True hope is swift, and flies with swallow's wings;
Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
True intelligence consists of not getting upset when supposedly
intelligent people think you are ignorant.
%%
True irreverance is disrespect for another man's god.
%%
True is it that we have seen better days.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.
 -- Socrates
%%
True leadership is the art of changing
a group from what it is to what it ought to be.
 -- Virginia Allan
%%
True life begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies.
%%
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
 -- Erich Segal
%%
True love is better than anything, except cough drops.
 -- The Princess Bride (book), by William Goldman
%%
True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 76
%%
True, money can't buy happiness, but it isn't happiness I want.
It's money.
 -- Bizarro
%%
:True Names ... and Other Dangers:
Vernor Vinge
Baen Books, 1987
ISBN 0-671-65363-6

Hacker demigod Richard Stallman believes the title story of this book
"expresses the spirit of hacking best".  This may well be true; it's
certainly difficult to recall a better job.  The other stories in this
collection are also fine work by an author who is perhaps one of today's
very best practitioners of hard SF.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
True, nouns may be verbed, but a verbing is a noun.
%%
True patriotism doesn't exclude an understanding
of the patriotism of the others.
 -- Queen Elizabeth
%%
True patriots all; for be it understood
We left our country for our country's good.
 -- George Barrington (1755-c. 1840)
 -- Prologue written for the Opening of the Play-house
 -- at New South Wales, Jan. 16, 1796
%%
True politeness consists in being easy one's self, and in making every
one about as easy as one can.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
True prosperity is the result of well-placed confidence in ourselves and
our fellow man.
%%
True tolerance means looking differences squarely in the eye and admitting
the appalling fact that when other people seem to differ from us, this is
because they actually believe their view of the world to be true.
 -- Elizabeth Kristol, "New York Times"
%%
True Trek fans have VCR's and satellite dishes and HDTV and...
%%
True wealth is not so much having luck, industry, and talent, as it is
having lots of money.
%%
"True Weightlessness" by Andy Gravity
%%
True wit is Nature to advantage dress'd,
What oft was thought, but ne'er so well express'd.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 97
%%
Truffles must come to the table in their own stock ... as you break open
 this jewel sprung from a poverty-stricken soil, imagine--if you have never
 visited it--the desolate kingdom where it rules.
 -- Colette
%%
Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant
 intelligence.
 -- Henrik Tikkanen
%%
Truly the light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes
to behold the sun.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes xi, 7
%%
Truly there is a tide in the affairs of men; but there is no gulf-stream
setting forever in one direction.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- New England Two Centuries ago
%%
Truly, the road to enlightenment is like unto half a mile of broken glass.
%%
Truly, you are a person who speaks the truth, lives the truth, abides by
 the truth. And truth is, of course, stranger than fiction, and you
 certainly are too.
%%
Truman:  Jelly donuts?
Cooper:  Harry, that goes without saying.
 -- Sheriff Truman & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Truman:  Lucy, you better bring Agent Cooper up to date.
Lucy:    Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill burned,
         Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are
         missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills.
Cooper:  How long have I been out?
Truman:  Six hours.
 -- Sheriff Truman, Lucy Moran & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Truman: "The buck stops here!" Clinton: "The buck? It never got here!"
%%
Truman:  You saw a giant?
Cooper:  Yes.
Albert:  Any relation to the dwarf?
 -- Sheriff Truman, Agent Dale Cooper & Agent Albert Rosenfield, _Twin Peaks
%%
Trump does it with cash.
%%
TRUMPETERS blow hard
%%
Trumpeters do it with alternant fingerings.
%%
TRUMPET
  Musical instrument which is much harder to play than it looks.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Trumpet players blow the best>
%%
Truncate: The process of shortening a tagline to a specif
%%
Truncate (v.) (1993): See "Bobbitt, Lorena"
%%
Trust and you're betrayed; don't trust and you betray yourself.
 -- Prince Merlin of Amber
%%
Trust each other again and again.  When the trust level gets high
enough, people transcend apparent limits, discovering new and awesome
abilities for which they were previously unaware.
 -- David Armistead
%%
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
 -- Finley Peter Dunne
%%
Trust him, but still keep your eyes open.
%%
Trust in God, but backup your hard disk TODAY!!!
%%
Trust in God, but lock your car.
%%
Trust in God - but tie your camel tight.
 -- Persian Proverb
%%
Trust I seek and I find in you, everyday to eat something new.
%%
Trust is only dangerous when you have to rely on it....
 -- Avon
%%
Trust me.
%%
Trust me, if I pull you into it, I have reasons.
%%
Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
 -- Sledge Hammer
%%
Trust me, I know what I'm tagging.
%%
Trust me, I'm a consultant.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Trust me, I'm a lawyer.
%%
Trust me, I'm almost a Doctor.
%%
Trust me, I'm an expert.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Trust me, thousands don't.
%%
TRUST me, would *I* lie to you?
%%
Trust me, would I lie to you..... TWICE?
%%
TRUST, n.  In American politics, a large corporation composed in
greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in
the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors
and public enemies.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Trust no future, howe'er pleasant!
  Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, act in the living present!
  Heart within, and God o'erhead!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- A Psalm of Life
%%
Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you when
things go wrong.
 -- Bralek's Rule for Success
%%
Trust -
Senior management doesn't trust its own staff and is suspicious of
their motives. Therefore senior management needs to be told the same
  things as its staff are saying by a consultant costing $60,000.
%%
Trust that man in nothing who has not a conscience in everything.
 -- Laurence Sterne (1713-1768)
 -- Sermon xxvii
%%
Trust The Computer. The Computer is your friend.
%%
Trust the Source, Luke, trust the Source!
%%
Trust - Two cannibals having oral sex.
%%
Trust your hunches.  They're usually based on facts filed away just below
the conscious level.
 -- Dr. Joyce Brothers
%%
Trust your husband, adore your husband,
and get as much as you can in your own name.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
Trust your instincts. If you have no instincts, trust your impulses.
 -- Tammy Grimes (from Noel Coward)
%%
Trust you to try and skive off to some cushy option.
There's nothing cushy about life in the Women's Auxiliary Balloon
  Corps!
 -- Edmund and Cpt. Darling : Private Plane
%%
Truth and falsehood are both whatever, and simultaneously not so,
rather than not.
 -- Tim Larkin, March 31, 1993
%%
Truth comes as an enemy only to those who have lost the
ability to welcome it as a friend.
%%
Truth comes out of error more readily than out of confusion.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
Truth crushed to earth shall rise again,--
  The eternal years of God are hers;
But Error, wounded, writhes with pain,
  And dies among his worshippers.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
 -- The Battle-Field
%%
Truth does not matter; perception of truth does.
%%
Truth exists for the wise, beauty for the feeling heart.
 -- Johann von Schiller
%%
Truth exists. Only lies have to be invented.
 -- Georges Braque
%%
Truth fears no questions.
 -- favorite philosophical motto of the Stilt Man
%%
Truth forever on the scaffold, Wrong forever on the throne.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Present Crisis
%%
Truthful, adj.:
       Dumb and illiterate.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Truth has always been found to promote the best interests of mankind...
 -- Percy Bysshe Shelley
%%
Truth has not special time of its own.  Its hour is now -- always
and indeed then most truly when it seems unsuitable to actual circumstances.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
Truth hath a quiet breast.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard II
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing,
 but it hurts.
 -- Drebin, Naked Gun 2 1/2
%%
"Truth," I cried, "though the heavens crush me for following her; no
falsehood, though a whole celestial Lubberland were the price of apostasy!"
 -- Carlyle
%%
    Truth I have no trouble with, it's the facts I get all
screwed up.
 -- Farley Mowat
%%
Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited
to open the way to the next better one.
 -- Konrad Lorenz
%%
Truth, in the matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Truth is after all a moving target.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
Truth is a gem that is found at a great depth; whilst on the surface
of this world, all things are weighed by the false scale of custom.
 -- Byron
%%
Truth is always the enemy of power. And power the enemy of truth.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Truth is an empty room.
%%
Truth is a river that is always splitting up into arms that reunite.
Islanded between the arms the inhabitants argue for a lifetime
as to which is the main river.
 -- Cyril Connolly, "The Unquiet Grave" 1945
%%
Truth is as impossible to be soiled by any outward touch as the sunbeam.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Doctrine and Discipline of Divorce
%%
Truth is a statue, and you are all just a bunch of pigeons.
%%
Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Truth is.  Belief is not required.
 -- Gerry Roston
%%
Truth is by its very nature intolerant, exclusive, for every truth is the
denial of its opposing error.
 -- Luthhard
%%
Truth is God's daughter.
%%
Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
%%
Truth is its [justice's] handmaid, freedom is its child, peace is
its companion, safety walks in its steps, victory follows in its train;
it is the brightest emanation from the Gospel; it is the attribute
of God.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 29
%%
Truth is just another misconception.
%%
Truth is just truth...you can't have opinions about truth.
 -- P. Shickele
%%
Truth is merely common sense, say the naive realist. Really? Then where,
precisely, is the location of--a rainbow? In the air? In the eye? In between?
Or somewhere else?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Truth is, most of us contain a splashing, giggling, squealing child who
knows without thinking that bare skin and water go together as wings go
with air, roots with earth, and the phoenix with incendiary sun. And
innocence belongs to us as it did to ancient Greek athletes, who never wore
clothes for their footraces or boxing matches but rather oiled themselves
until their nude bodies glistened in the sunlight.
 -- Janet Lembke, Skinny Dipping
%%
Truth is never pure and rarely simple.   Modern life would be
tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Truth is not determined by majority vote.
 -- Doug Gwyn
%%
Truth is shorter than fiction.
%%
Truth is the answer.
%%
Truth is the highest thing that man may keep.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Frankeleines Tale, Line 11789
%%
Truth is the last thing folks want to hear.
%%
Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Truth is the summit of being, justice is the application of it to affairs.
 -- Emerson
%%
Truth is truth
To the end of reckoning.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Truth is with the victor,
who, as you know, also controls the historians.
 -- Rolf Hochhuth
%%
Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing
away from it all that is not gold.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
Truth, like surgery, may hurt. But it cures.
 -- Han Suyin
%%
TRUTH, n.  An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the
most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of
existing with increasing activity to the end of time.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Truth needs no flowers of speech.
 -- Alexander Pope
%%
Truth ... never comes into the world, but like a Bastard,
to the ignominy of him that brought her forth.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
%%
'Truth' never set anyone free. It is only *doubt* which will bring mental
 emancipation.
 -- Anton LaVey
%%
Truth never tranquilizes. The defining property of truth is its ability to
disturb.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Truth sits upon the lips of dying men.
 -- Matthew Arnold
%%
Truth springs from argument amongst friends.
 -- David Hume (1711-1776)
%%
Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed.
 -- Proverbs 12:19
 -- The Bible
%%
Truths would you teach, or save a sinking land?
All fear, none aid you, and few understand.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 261
%%
Truth that has merely been learned is like an artificial limb, a false
tooth, a waxen nose; it adheres to us only because it is put on.
But truth acquired by thought of our own is like a natural limb; it
alone really belongs to us.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
Truth varies.
 -- Rule of Political Promises
%%
TRUTH.VER cross-linked w/CLINTON.LIE: LIMBAUGH.EXE to fix.
%%
Truth wealth consists in making out your shopping list,
before you consult your coupon file.
%%
Truth will be out this morning.  (Which may really mess things up.)
%%
Truth will come sooner out of error than from confusion.
%%
Truth will come to sight; murder cannot be hid long.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Truth won't be in till after lunch.
%%
Truth would cease to become stranger than fiction, if we got used to it.
%%
Try adding some spaces! Three to be exact!
%%
Try a new lease on life, and the landlord raises the rent.
%%
Try a new system or a different approach.
%%
Try as hard as I did, no matter what move I made, that telephone pole
 matched me and eventually it hit me. I'd have to say that the pole was at
 fault, it certainly wasn't me.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
Try Borg Dry. "Beer is irrelevant."
%%
Try bungee sex to put the bounce back in your love life!
%%
Try Clarion for REAL database Development!!
%%
Try Dbase 1.0! It's loaded with "Features"!
%%
Try DEL C:\WINDOWS\*.*
%%
Try DesqView/X under any kind of DOS.
%%
Try everything once... Try the fun stuff twice...
%%
Try hacking in the wee hours: you will have more room.
%%
Trying out for the javelin retrieval team.
%%
Trying their best is natural to a Scout.
%%
Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper
 is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukelele.
 -- Bagdikian's Observation
%%
Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
%%
Trying to define humour is one of the definitions of humour.
 -- Saul Steinberg
%%
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
 -- Alan Watts
%%
Trying to establish voice contact ... please YELL into keyboard.
%%
Trying to explain MUDDLE to an uninitiate is somewhat like
trying to untie a Gordian knot.
 -- Greg Pfister
%%
Trying to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from
a fire hose.
%%
Trying to program in MS-DOS is like trying to play tennis in a closet.
%%
Trying to program in MS-DOS is like trying to shave with a chain-saw.
%%
Trying to reason with hurricane season.
%%
Trying to solve differential equations is a yourful aberration that you will
soon grow out of.
%%
Try it. The most it can do is not work...
%%
Try it, you'll like it.  Trust me.
%%
Try, just once, to do the lotus position.  You'll never get the
opportunity again.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Try later.
%%
Try  Manuals out, after all possible keystrokes have failed.
%%
Try medicine, why don't you! Lots to keep you busy, and lots to make you
 think. The great thing is--you get to forget yourself a lot of the time.
 -- William Carlos Williams (to Robert Coles)
%%
Try Milk of Amnesia - when you need to forget.
%%
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Try not to have a good time...This is supposed to be educational.
 -- Charles Schulz
%%
Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
%%
Try not to salt thy salt. For it is salted afore.
%%
Try not to unnecessarily or excessively split infinitives.
%%
Try orange juice and Milk of Magnesia and get a Phillips screwdriver.
%%
Try our new dehydrated water! Just add ...uh...er...
%%
Try praising your wife even if it does frighten her at first.
 -- Billy Sunday
%%
Try Preparation H-Bomb. For your Nuclear Piles.
%%
Try Quisinwrite, the combination word processor and food processor, for those
who frequently have to eat their words.
%%
>Try staring at someone from a substantial distance.
>(Eventually they will turn around.)

ASTOUNDING! We all know that without* telepathy staring at the back of a
person's head would freeze them into helpless immobility!

Corollary: try staring at a cloud. eventually it will MOVE!
This parapsychology stuff is the GINCHIEST!!

 -- Tim Mitchell, (swordfis@pnet51.orb.mn.org)
%%
Try 'stty 0' -- it works much better.
%%
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
%%
Try the new TARDIS hard drive:  Bigger inside than out!
%%
Try this. I haven't tested it, but I think it will work.
%%
Try this tagline, free. No salesman will call.
%%
Try to appreciate sex with your knees tied together.  (This may be
slightly more challenging if you are female.)
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Try to arrange your life in such a way that you can afford to be
 disinterested. It is the most expensive of all luxuries, and the one best
 worth having.
 -- William Inge
%%
Try to be like the turtle- at ease in your own shell.
 -- Bill Copeland
%%
Try to be neat; fall only in designated piles.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
Try to be one of the people on whom nothing is lost.
 -- Henry James
%%
Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Try to develop your own personality.
%%
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
%%
Try to establish a life style that does not require your presence.
%%
Try to explain a flint and steel to today's youth.
%%
Try to find out who's doing the work, not who's writing about it,
controlling it, or summarizing it.
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
Try to find something that works and stay with it.
%%
Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading: Was it done,
 is it being done, or is something to be done? Reports are now written
 in four tenses: past tense, present tense, future tense, and
 pretense. Watch for novel uses of CONGRAM (CONtractor GRAMmer),
 defined by the imperfect past, the insufficient present, and the
 absolutely perfect future.
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
Try to fix the mistake...never the blame.
%%
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
%%
Try to give as much as you can...
Try not to expect anything in return.
%%
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
%%
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
 -- T.H. Huxley
%%
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #06
%%
Try to never run out of altitude, airspeed, and luck all at the same time!
%%
Try to reason about love and you will lose your reason.
%%
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Try to spend the entire day sober.
%%
Try to swallow at least three times a day.
%%
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
%%
Try typing the following to the C Shell
 Hey Unix! Got a match? 
%%
Try typing the following to the C Shell
 ^What do you think of margarine? 
%%
Try typing the following to your shell
 ar t God
%%
Try typing the following to your shell
 make 'the perfect dry martini'
%%
Try vodka and Geritol and have a Tired Bloody Mary.
%%
Try Your Best, Then Steal The Rest.
 -- Snipit
%%
TSFTIORCA:  The Society For The Invention Of Really Complicated Acronyms
%%
T-shirtless in Amsterdam
%%
T-Shirt saying:  Biodegradeable
%%
TSH: Trap Secretary and Halt
%%
TSM: Trap Secretary and Mount
%%
TSO may be slow but it sure is hard to use.
%%
'T 's pride, rank pride, and haughtiness of soul;
I think the Romans call it stoicism.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act i, Sc. 4
%%
TSRs are the instruments of Cthulhu.
%%
TSR's!!!!!   Bah! Humbug!
%%
TSR= [T]rashes [S]ystem [R]andomly
%%
TST: Trash System Tracks
%%
Tsze-kung asked, saying, "Is there one word which may serve as a rule of
practice for all one's life?"  The Master said, "Is not Reciprocity such
a word?  What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."
 -- Confucius (551-479 B.C.)
%%
TSZ: Thus Spake Zarathustra
%%
:T: /T/ 1. [from LISP terminology for `true'] Yes.  Used in
   reply to a question (particularly one asked using {The `-P'
   convention}).  In LISP, the constant T means `true', among other
   things.  Some hackers use `T' and `NIL' instead of `Yes' and `No'
   almost reflexively.  This sometimes causes misunderstandings.  When
   a waiter or flight attendant asks whether a hacker wants coffee, he
   may well respond `T', meaning that he wants coffee; but of course
   he will be brought a cup of tea instead.  As it happens, most
   hackers (particularly those who frequent Chinese restaurants) like
   tea at least as well as coffee --- so it is not that big a problem.
   2. See {time T} (also {since time T equals minus infinity}).
   3. [techspeak] In transaction-processing circles, an abbreviation
   for the noun `transaction'.  4. [Purdue] Alternate spelling of
   {tee}.  5. A dialect of {LISP} developed at Yale.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TTA - Tagline Thieves of America (member since 1990)
%%
TTA: Try, Try Again
%%
TT%CNK  TeleType - Clunk Noise
%%
TT%EKB  TeleType - Electrify KeyBoard
%%
T, the twentieth letter of the English alphabet, was by the Greeks
absurdly called _tau_.  In the alphabet whence ours comes it had the
form of the rude corkscrew of the period, and when it stood alone
(which was more than the Phoenicians could always do) signified
_Tallegal_, translated by the learned Dr. Brownrigg, "tanglefoot."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
TThheerree''ss  aann  EEcchhoo  iinn  hheerree.
%%
TTIHLIC: Try To Imagine How Little I Care
%%
TTITT: Turn 2400 foot Tape Into Two 1200 foot Tapes
%%
TTL: Tap Trunk Line
%%
TTL: Time To Logoff
%%
TTR is a trademark of Trans-Temporal Research:  When it ABSOLUTELY has
to be there yesterday...TTR.
%%
Tttttttttouch me, I want to be dirty!
%%
:tty: /T-T-Y/ [UNIX], /tit'ee/ [ITS, but some UNIX people say it
   this way as well; this pronunciation is not considered to have
   sexual undertones] n. 1. A terminal of the teletype variety,
   characterized by a noisy mechanical printer, a very limited
   character set, and poor print quality.  Usage: antiquated (like the
   TTYs themselves).  See also {bit-paired keyboard}.
   2. [especially UNIX] Any terminal at all; sometimes used to refer
   to the particular terminal controlling a given job.  3. [UNIX] Any
   serial port, whether or not the device connected to it is a
   terminal; so called because under UNIX such devices have names of
   the form tty*.  Ambiguity between senses 2 and 3 is common but
   seldom bothersome.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tuba or not tuba?
%%
Tuba players do it with big horns.
%%
Tubas do it deeper.
%%
Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!
%%
:tube: 1. n. A CRT terminal.  Never used in the mainstream sense of
   TV; real hackers don't watch TV, except for Loony Toons, Rocky &
   Bullwinkle, Trek Classic, the Simpsons, and the occasional cheesy
   old swashbuckler movie (see {Appendix B}).  2. [IBM] To send
   a copy of something to someone else's terminal.  "Tube me that
   note?"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:tube time: n. Time spent at a terminal or console.  More inclusive
   than hacking time; commonly used in discussions of what parts of
   one's environment one uses most heavily.  "I find I'm spending too
   much of my tube time reading mail since I started this revision."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
...Tucker v. Texas, 326 U.S. 517 (1946), in which a statute punishing
door-to-door distribution of literature was held invalid as an
abridgment of freedom of the press.
 -- Supreme Court decision quoted by Mike Godwin in comp.org.eff.talk
%%
Tuck under thumb and hold firmly.
%%
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
%%
Tuesday is Human Sacrifice Day at the Sizzler
 -- Tom Servo
%%
TUESDAY'S WEATHER - FOR HELL
Hell will be hot during tonight, boiling over to boiling early Tuesday
morning. Towards the middle of the day it will be sweltering, with a
heat-wave later in the day.
      Wednesday: Hot
      Thursday: Hot
      Friday: Hot
      Saturday (the day that peace is predicted to be declared in the
           Middle East, the national economy will recover, pigs will
           fly, and a brain scan on Dan Quayle will be positive): Cold,
           with snow and ice, possible blizzards.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
Tug of War: Paul Hard
%%
Tully was not so eloquent as thou,
Thou nameless column with the buried base.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 110
%%
Tumor............. An extra pair.
%%
Tumor:  More than one...
%%
TUMOR: Number of beers yew can drink after last call.
%%
:tunafish: n. In hackish lore, refers to the mutated punchline of
   an age-old joke to be found at the bottom of the manual pages of
   `tunefs(8)' in the original {BSD} 4.2 distribution.  The
   joke was removed in later releases once commercial sites started
   using 4.2.  Tunefs relates to the `tuning' of file-system
   parameters for optimum performance, and at the bottom of a few
   pages of wizardly inscriptions was a `BUGS' section consisting of
   the line "You can tune a file system, but you can't tunafish".
   Variants of this can be seen in other BSD versions, though it has
   been excised from some versions by humorless management
   {droid}s.  The [nt]roff source for SunOS 4.1.1 contains a
   comment apparently designed to prevent this: "Take this out and a
   Unix Demon will dog your steps from now until the `time_t''s
   wrap around."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tunar: sonar-like device in cat food that attracts cats.
%%
:tune: [from automotive or musical usage] vt. To optimize a program
   or system for a particular environment, esp. by adjusting numerical
   parameters designed as {hook}s for tuning, e.g., by changing
   `#define' lines in C.  One may `tune for time' (fastest
   execution), `tune for space' (least memory use), or
   `tune for configuration' (most efficient use of hardware).  See
   {bum}, {hot spot}, {hand-hacking}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tune in, turn on, and be friends with EX-Mayor Barry.
%%
Tunes in the distance...
%%
Tuning in shortwave with a TV antenna.
%%
TUPHLEM GRDLPHUMP.. to quote Opuss first words....
%%
Turbo Pascal for WINDOWS? Borland's betrayed me.
%%
Turbo Pascal my true speech pattern
%%
:Turing tar-pit: n. 1. A place where anything is possible but
   nothing of interest is practical.  Alan Turing helped lay the
   foundations of computer science by showing that all machines and
   languages capable of expressing a certain very primitive set of
   operations are logically equivalent in the kinds of computations
   they can carry out, and in principle have capabilities that differ
   only in speed from those of the most powerful and elegantly
   designed computers.  However, no machine or language exactly
   matching Turing's primitive set has ever been built (other than
   possibly as a classroom exercise), because it would be horribly
   slow and far too painful to use.  A `Turing tar-pit' is any
   computer language or other tool that shares this property.  That
   is, it's theoretically universal --- but in practice, the harder
   you struggle to get any real work done, the deeper its inadequacies
   suck you in.  Compare {bondage-and-discipline language}.  2. The
   perennial {holy wars} over whether language A or B is the "most
   powerful".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TURING == Totally Useless, Really Ignorant, No Good
%%
:turist: /too'rist/ n. Var. sp. of {tourist}, q.v.  Also in
   adjectival form, `turistic'.  Poss. influenced by {luser} and
   `Turing'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
TURKEY, n.  A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious
anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and
gratitude.  Incidentally, it is pretty good eating.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Turkeys aren't those funny grey keys you know
%%
Turkish Minerals: Asa Miner
%%
Turlough speaks the truth, Doctor.
 -- Kamelion, "Caves of Androzani."
%%
Turlough: Time will tell.
Doctor: Yes, indeed.   Aboard the TARDIS, it always does.
 -- Warriors of the Deep
%%
Turn down your air guitar.
%%
Turn him to any cause of policy,
The Gordian knot of it he will unloose,
Familiar as his garter: that when he speaks,
The air, a chartered libertine, is still.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
     Turning and turning in the widening gyre
     The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
     Things fall apart: the centre cannot hold;
     Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
     The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
     The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
     The best lack all conviction, while the worst
     Are filled with a passionate intensity.
     Surely some revelation is at hand;
     Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
     The Second Coming!  Hardly are those words out
     When a vast image out of SPIRITUS MUNDI
     Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the desert
     A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
     A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
     Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
     Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
     The darkness drops again: but now I know
     That twenty centuries of stony sleep
     Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
     And what rough beast, its hour now come at last
     Slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?
 -- W. B. Yeats, THE SECOND COMING
%%
Turning away from nourishment.
Perseverance brings misfortune.
Do not act thus for ten years.
Nothing serves to further.
%%
Turning away from the path.
To remain persevering brings good fortune.
One should not cross the great water.
%%
Turning floppies into hard drives.
%%
Turning our seed-wheat-kennel tares,
To burn-grain thistle, and to vaporie darnel,
Cockle, wild oats, rough burs, corn-cumbring
Tares.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, First Day, Part iii
%%
Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
 -- Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness
%%
Turning to the summit for nourishment,
Deviating from the path
To seek nourishment from the hill.
Continuing to do this brings misfortune.
%%
Turning to the summit
For provision of nourishment
Brings good fortune.
Spying about with sharp eyes
Like a tiger with insatiable craving.
No blame.
%%
Turnip isn't a rude word, Baldrick.
It is if you sit on one.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Ink and Incapability
%%
Turn it off and watch him sweat.
%%
Turn it up!!, Louder! Now I can't hear you!
%%
Turn no leaf unstoned.
%%
Turn off the computer and go to bed.
%%
TURN OFF YOUR CAT & SPEAK DIRECTLY INTO YOUR POWER SAW
%%
Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream.
%%
Turn on, tune in, and take over.
 -- Tim Leary
%%
Turn on, tune in, burn out in the acid rain.
 -- Sisters of Mercy "Black Planet"
%%
    Turn on
    Tune in
    Throw up
 -- NORMAL ORDER OF TELEVISION ACTIVITIES
%%
Turn on, tune up, rock out.
 -- Billy Gibbons
%%
Turn over a new leaf.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- The Honest Whore, Part ii, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Turn over a new leaf.
 -- Thomas Middleton (1580-1627)
 -- Anything for a Quiet Life, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right!
%%
Turns out Clinton *DOES* want to take away our guns.
%%
Turn the other cheek.
 -- Jesus Christ
%%
Turn the sucker over, and whack it!
%%
Turn up the lights--I don't want to go home in the dark.
 -- O. Henry [William Sydney Porter], 5 June 1910
%%
Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\>
%%
Turn your PC into a DC-10: add OS/2 and then crash!
%%
Turn your V.32bis into a 300 baud modem--Use Kermit!
%%
"Turtle Racing Pros" by Eubie Quick
%%
Tush! tush! fear boys with bugs.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
TUSSOCK
  Word only used in novels about farms in out of the way places.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
TUTHER: of two or more.  "Yew can take one or tuther!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
TUTOR
  One who teaches at a university. On the evolutionary scale, a tutor
  is barely above a lecturer, although usually several fashion points
  ahead. University tutors are widely believed to have very easy
  conditions, with only a few hours a week of tutoring, long holidays
  at the end of the year, corduroy loading, and long-necked skivvies
  provided free.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
T.V. Evangelism is successful because it has sects appeal!
%%
TV EVANGELISTS do more than lay people.
%%
TV is a crutch for those who lack imagination.
%%
TV is like steak:  a medium rarely well done.
%%
TVO: Type Various Obscenities
%%
TV Radio without the imagination.
%%
TV REPAIRMEN do it in SYNC
%%
TV repairmen do it with a vertical hold.
%%
TV's biggest problem is killing time between commercials.
%%
TV set has gone to the test pattern
%%
TV Truth: All Asians know karate.
%%
TV Truth: All Brits are classy and all Frenchmen are jerks.
%%
TV Truth: All cars will explode when wrecked.
%%
TV Truth: All husbands are wife-beaters.
%%
TV Truth: All men are evil.
%%
TV Truth: Anyone can jump through a plate glass window.
%%
TV Truth: Babies age five times as fast as their parents.
%%
TV Truth: Car tires squeal on dirt roads.
%%
TV Truth: Cartoon characters don't die.
%%
TV Truth: Drinking beer attracts beautiful females.
%%
TV Truth: Explosions in space always make noise.
%%
TV Truth: Getting shot is a minor annoyance if you're a good guy.
%%
TV Truth: Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
%%
TV Truth: Haunted houses are never locked.
%%
TV Truth: If a car flips over, it always bursts into flames.
%%
TV Truth: If a woman is running, she will trip and fall.
%%
TV Truth: If women have breasts, they're hookers.
%%
TV Truth: If you are being stalked in your house, run upstairs.
%%
TV Truth: In a soap opera, everything happens to the same 20 people.
%%
TV Truth: Kids always have something clever and witty to say.
%%
TV Truth: Kid's rooms are always spotless.
%%
TV Truth: Love conquers all obstacles.
%%
TV Truth: Nobody ever needs to use the restroom.
%%
TV Truth: No matter how much trouble you're in, you can get out.
%%
TV Truth: "Real Men" can punch a hole in a car window.
%%
TV Truth: The murderer always hides in the backseat.
%%
TV Truth: Yeast infections are a topic of casual conversation.
%%
TV Truth: You can get 200 shots out of a six-shooter.
%%
T'was a brave person indeed, who first ate an oyster.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
'Twas a dangerous cliff, and it fair scared folks stiff,
But the view from the top was so pleasant,
That they swallowed their fear, and there crashed down each year
Full many a squire and peasant.
"Something's got to be done.", said the people as one,
But answers did not at all tally.
Some said, "Put a fence 'round the edge of the cliff."
Some, "An ambulance down in the valley!"
%%
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
 Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
 All mimsy were the borogoves
 And the mome raths outgrabe
 -- _Jabberwocky_, by Lewis Carroll (Charles Dodgson)
%%
'T was for the good of my country that I should be abroad.
 -- George Farquhar (1678-1707)
 -- The Beaux' Stratagem, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
'T was good advice, and meant, my son, Be good.
 -- George Crabbe (1754-1832)
 -- Tale xxi, The Learned Boy
%%
'Twas in a restaurant they met,
Romeo and Juliet,
They had no money to pay the bill,
So Rome-od what Juli-et.
%%
'T was kin' o' kingdom-come to look
  On sech a blessed cretur.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin'
%%
'T was merry when
You wager'd on your angling; when your diver
Did hang a salt-fish on his hook, which he
With fervency drew up.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
'Twas midnight, and the UNIX hacks
Did gyre and gimble in their cave
All mimsy was the CS-VAX
And Cory raths outgrave.

Beware the software rot, my son!
The faults that bite, the jobs that thrash!
Beware the broken pipe, and shun
The frumious system crash!
%%
'T was sad by fits, by starts 't was wild.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- The Passions, Line 28
%%
'Twas the night before christmas...
 -- Clement C. Moore
%%
'T was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,--not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
 -- Clement C (Moore)
 -- A Visit from St. Nicholas
%%
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period
preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, And
throughout our place of residence,
Kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
possessors of this potential, including that
species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward
edge of the woodburning caloric apparatus,
Pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an
imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appelations
is the honorific title of St. Nicklaus ...
%%
'T was when the sea was roaring
With hollow blasts of wind,
A damsel lay deploring,
All on a rock reclin'd.
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- The What d' ye call it, Act ii, Sc. 8
%%
:tweak: vt. 1. To change slightly, usually in reference to a
   value.  Also used synonymously with {twiddle}.  If a program is
   almost correct, rather than figure out the precise problem you
   might just keep tweaking it until it works.  See {frobnicate}
   and {fudge factor}; also see {shotgun debugging}.  2. To
   {tune} or {bum} a program; preferred usage in the U.K.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had spoilt his nice new rattle.

Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
Tweedledum and Tweedledee agreed to have a battle...
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
:tweeter: [University of Waterloo] n. Syn. {perf}, {chad}
   (sense 1).  This term (like {woofer}) has been in use at
   Waterloo since 1972 but is elsewhere unknown.  In audio jargon, the
   word refers to the treble speaker(s) on a hi-fi.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Twelve years ago I was a boy,
  A happy boy at Drury's.
 -- W. M. Praed (1802-1839)
 -- School and Schoolfellows
%%
Twenty-four hour room service must be one of the premiere achievements
 of modern civilization.
 -- Special Agent Dale Cooper, from Twin Peaks
%%
Twenty million women arose when it was said "Well will no longer be
 dictated to," and became stenographers.
%%
Twenty percent of zero is better than nothing.
 -- Walt Kelly
%%
Twenty two thousand days.
Twenty two thousand days.
It's not a lot.
It's all you've got.
Twenty two thousand days.
 -- Moody Blues, "Twenty Two Thousand Days"
%%
Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin;
but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
'T were all one
That I should love a bright particular star,
And think to wed it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
'T were to consider too curiously, to consider so.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
'T were vain to tell thee all I feel,
  Or say for thee I 'd die.
 -- J. A. Wade (1800-1875)
 -- 'T were vain to tell
%%
TWICE, adv.  Once too often.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Twice five syllables
 Plus seven can't say much but
 That's Haiku for you.
%%
Twice the strength of those other leading national brands.
%%
:twiddle: n. 1. Tilde (ASCII 1111110, `~').  Also
   called `squiggle', `sqiggle' (sic --- pronounced /skig'l/),
   and `twaddle', but twiddle is the most common term.  2. A small
   and insignificant change to a program.  Usually fixes one bug and
   generates several new ones (see also {shotgun debugging}).
   3. vt. To change something in a small way.  Bits, for example, are
   often twiddled.  Twiddling a switch or knob implies much less sense
   of purpose than toggling or tweaking it; see {frobnicate}.  To
   speak of twiddling a bit connotes aimlessness, and at best doesn't
   specify what you're doing to the bit; `toggling a bit' has a more
   specific meaning (see {bit twiddling}, {toggle}).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:twilight zone: [IRC] n. Notionally, the area of cyberspace where {IRC}
   operators live.  An {op} is said to have a "connection to the
   twilight zone".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Twin birth:  infant replay...
%%
Twinkies have a half-life, but Velveeta is eternal!
%%
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly!
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
:twink: /twink/ [UCSC] n. Equivalent to {read-only user}.
   Also reported on the USENET group soc.motss; may derive from
   gay slang for a cute young thing with nothing upstairs (compare
   mainstream `chick').
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Twins: womb-mates.
%%
:twirling baton: [PLATO] n. The overstrike sequence -/|\-/|\- which
   produces an animated twirling baton.  If you output it with a
   single backspace between characters, the baton spins in place.  If
   you output the sequence BS SP between characters, the baton spins
   from left to right.  If you output BS SP BS BS between characters,
   the batton spins from right to left.

   The twirling baton was a popular component of animated signature
   files on the pioneering PLATO educational timesharing system.  The
   `archie' Internet service is perhaps the best-known baton
   program today; it uses the twirling baton as an idler indicating
   that the program is working on a query.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Twisted mind? No, just bent in several strategic places.
%%
Twisted Pair - a couple of perverts
 -- Data communications glossary
%%
Twisted Sister asks US to keep the noise down.
%%
TWISTER FOR MONEY, TWISTER FOR BLOOD!
%%
Two Amiga's ??     You have Bookends, very nice.
%%
Two and two continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the
amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five.
 -- James McNeill Whistler
%%
Two aspects of your last statement defy the course of nature as I know it.
First . . . "Peace, as you call it, is an illusion. If you have "peace,"
you simply haven't yet seen the thing that's trying to kill you. Second . .
. Peaceful missions through the cosmos rarely require weapons large enough
to punch holes through a small moon.
 -- Spathi captain, "Star Control II"
%%
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital.  They lay there and
 looked at each other.  Their families came and took them away.  Eighty years
 later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their
 deathbeds, next to each other.  One of them looked at the other and said, "So.
 What did you think?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Two Bee or Not Two Bee - That is the Buzzing Question. Whether 'tis nobler
 in the mind to suffer outrageously Those slings and arrows of outlandish
 expense Or, to take up arms against this large sea of deficits. And by
 opposing perhaps ending them. To cut, to spend, no more! And so by a cut we
 say we end The heartache and hemmerhoids of a thousands overruns To which
 the B-2 is heir. 'Tis indeed a connsumation devoutly to be desired. To cut,
 to spend.... To Spend? Perchance it is our opportunity to extend, to
 stretch out, enlarge, enrich, indeed, there's the rub of it all For in
 these efforts what new overruns may arise to show forth their ugly expense?
%%
Two behaviorists meet in the morning and one says to the other,
 You're fine.  How am I?
%%
Two bits shy of a word.
%%
Two blonds in a Volkswagen: "FARFROMTHINKEN"
%%
Two businessmen were having lunch and they started talking about world
 problems, high taxes, the cost of living, their families.

 And one of them says very proudly, "I have six boys."

 So the other guy says, "That's a nice family. I wish to heaven I had six
 children."

 And the proud father says with a touch of sympathy in his voice, "Don't you
 have any children?"

 And the other guy says, "Yeah. Ten!"
 -- Soupy Sales
%%
Two can be as sad as one, it's the loneliest number since the No. 1.
%%
Two can live as cheaply as one, but that one will go into debt twice as fast.
%%
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
 -- Howard Kandel
%%
Two can live as cheaply as one what?
%%
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
%%
Two chapters short of a novel.
%%
Two cheerleaders ended up at the alter.  They met by chants.
%%
Two chimps on a devenport in a basement.
 -- Wayne's World
%%
Two "C" Words: Custer and Conservative.
%%
Two degrees off square.
%%
Two depraved elements in the universe: Feminizm & Lawyers.
%%
'Two drunken souls trying to save each other, but they can't
 save themselves.'
 -- Tom Clancy
%%
Two drunks sitting at the bar. One drunk says, "Hey, did you hear about the
 new ice cubes with the hole in the middle?" The other drunk says, "Whaddya
 mean hear about 'em? I married one!"
 -- Hap Happy
%%
Two dumbs; know too much, know too little!!
%%
Two Egg High School is so unfriendly and hostile, the school newspaper has
 an obituary page.
 -- Rocky Ray
%%
Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom Boom.
%%
Two farm boys are just sitting day dreaming when a cow strolls by. "Man,"
says the first boy, "if only that was a woman."
"Man," says the second boy, "if only it was dark out."
%%
Two farmers, each claimed to own a certain cow.  While one pulled
on it's head and the other on the tail, the cow was milked by a lawyer.
%%
Two farmers were boasting about the strongest kind of wind they'd seen.
 "Out here in California," said one, "I've seen the fiercest wind in my
 life. You know these giant redwood trees? Well, the wind once got so
 strong, it bent them right down." "That's nothing," said the other. "Back
 on my farm in Iowa, we had a terrible wind one day that blew a hundred
 miles an hour. It was so bad one of my hens had her back turned to the wind
 and she laid the same egg six times."
 -- Joe Laurie, Jr.
%%
Two, four, six, eight; being Gay is as good as Straight!
%%
Two friends, two bodies with one soul inspir'd.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xvi, Line 267
%%
Two great American narcotics:  Alchohol and Christianity.
%%
Two great Tennesseans:  Charlie and Jack Daniels.
%%
Two guys walk into a bar...  *clang*  *clang*  "OOF!"  "OW!"
 -- SLR
%%
Two hands upon the breast,
  And labour 's done;
Two pale feet crossed in rest,
  The race is won.
 -- Dinah M. Mulock (1826-?)
 -- Now and Afterwards
%%
Two heads are better then one.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
Two heads are more numerous than one.
%%
Two inches taller than spherical.
%%
Two is company, three is an orgy.
%%
Two is company. Three is fifty bucks.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
Two is company. Three is poor birth control!
%%
Two kind of people in this world - winners\losers.
%%
Two Kinds Of People I Can't Stand: You, And Everyone Else.
%%
Two kinds of trouble in this world - living\dying.
%%
Two leaps per chasm is fatal.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
Two lights for guidance. The first, our little glowing atom of community,
with all that it signifies. The second, the cold light of the stars, symbol
of the hypercosmical reality, with its crystal ecstasy. Strange that in
this light, in which even the dearest love is frostily asserted, and even
the possible defeat of our half-waking world is contemplated without
remission of praise, the human crisis does not lose but gains significance.
Strange, that it seems more, not less, urgent to play some part in this
struggle, this brief effort of animacules striving to win for their race
some increase of lucidity before the ultimate darkness.
 -- Olaf Stapledon, Star Maker
%%
Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn
how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, Okay,
you say `ass' and I'll say `hell'.
All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where
their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast.
Aw, hell, says the eight-year-old, gimme some Cheerios.
His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the
room, and turns to the younger brother. What'll you have?
I dunno, quavers the six-year-old, but you can bet your ass
it ain't gonna be Cheerios.
%%
Two little mice went swimming. And one of the mice started to drown. The
 other mouse dragged him out and tried to save him. How did he do it?

 Mouse-to-mouse resuscitation!
 -- Frank Fontaine
%%
Two lost cluster's found in the writer's brain!
%%
Two may keep counsel, if two be away.
 -- Heywood (1497-1580)
%%
Two may talk and one may hear, but three cannot take part in a conversation of
the most sincere and searching sort.
 -- Emerson
%%
Two meanings have our lightest fantasies,--
One of the flesh, and of the spirit one.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Sonnet xxxiv, (ed. 1844.)
%%
Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man
said, This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation.    The
second man said, He bit it himself.    Nasrudin withdrew to his
chambers, and spent an hour trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded
only in falling over and bruising his forehead.  Returning to the
courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced, Examine the man whose ear was bitten.
If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself and the case is
dismissed.   If his forehead is not bruised, the other man did it and
must pay three silver pieces.
%%
Two men jump from an airplane. The first pulls the cord--and the chute
 works perfectly. The second pulls the cord--and nothing happens. He keeps
 falling straight down. As he passes his friend, the guy gets mad, unbuckles
 the harness, and shouts, "So, you wanna race, eh?"
 -- Charlie Callas
%%
Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Two men once wrote to Mark Twain.  Not having his
address, they marked the envelope,
Mark Twain
God knows where
They received a response from him:  "He did."
%%
Two men say they're Jesus. One of them must be wrong.
 -- Mark Knopfler
%%
Two men were out fishing. They noticed a squirrel go out on a downed limb,
 to retrieve a nut sitting at the very end of the limb. As the squirrel got
 to the end of the limb, a giant catfish jumped from the water and the
 squirrel disappeared. The men could hardly believe what they had seen.
 While they were still watching, the fish appeared again, and put a new nut
 on the end of the limb!
%%
TWO METER OPERATORS do it with very high frequency.
%%
Two minutes in the penalty box for gross punning.
%%
Two monks went fishing in an electron river.  The
 first monk drew out his network, and out flopped a hacker.
 The second monk cried, "The poor hacker! How can it live
 outside of the network?"  The first monk said, "When you
 have learned to live outside the network, then you will know."
%%
Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
 -- De Nevers' Law of Debate
%%
Two mortuaries have closed recently, due to (oh, sorry about this, really I
 am) the stiff competition!
%%
:twonkie: /twon'kee/ n. The software equivalent of a Twinkie (a
   variety of sugar-loaded junk food, or (in gay slang) the male
   equivalent of `chick'); a useless `feature' added to look sexy
   and placate a {marketroid} (compare {Saturday-night
   special}).  The term may also be related to "The Twonky",
   title menace of a classic SF short story by Lewis Padgett (Henry
   Kuttner and C. L. Moore), first published in the September 1942
   "Astounding Science Fiction" and subsequently much
   anthologized.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Two of perfect virtue: one dead, the other yet unborn.
%%
Two of the worst things we teach our children are that a knowledge
 of science is nice but not necessary, and a knowledge of sex is
 necessary but not nice.
%%
Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution.
 -- Edward Teller
%%
Two peanuts went to New York. One was assaulted.
%%
Two peas in a pod!   Positively two peas in a pod.
 -- Lady Cranleigh, BLACK ORCHID
%%
Two people in every one who works for the ABC is schizophrenic.
%%
Two people kissing always look like fish.
%%
Two people were born in Indiana, one went off to sea and the other became
 the Vice President of the United States. Neither was heard from again.
%%
Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
%%
:two pi: quant. The number of years it takes to finish one's
   thesis.  Occurs in stories in the following form: "He started on
   his thesis; 2 pi years later..."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Two psychiatrists meet. One says to the other, "I went home for Easter and
 I made a terrible Freudian slip."

 The other said, "What did you say?"

 He said, "Well, I started to say to my mother, "Pass the hot cross buns.'
 And I said, "You've ruined my life, you bitch!'"
 -- Tony Randall
%%
Two rather dumb teams were playing one another in football. The visiting
 team heard the ref's whistle and thought it was the sign that the game had
 ended, whereupon the team left the field. The home team, no brain trust,
 was dazed, but within a half hour, had put things together and scored its
 first touchdown.
%%
Two reasons for drinking:
one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it.
the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.
 -- Thomas Love Peacock
%%
Two recent recruits were in boot camp. They overheard two mosquitoes
 talking, both of which were large. The first said to the second "Shall we
 eat him here?" And the Second responded, "Yeh, because if we take him home
 the big ones will get him from us!" (Sorry, this is all there is of this!)
%%
Two rights don't make a wrong, but three will get you back on the freeway.
 -- James Wesley Jackson
%%
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
 -- Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken
%%
Two rules we should always have ready,--that there is nothing good
or evil save in the will; and that we are not to lead events, but
to follow them.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- In what Manner we ought to bear Sickness,
 -- Discourses, Book iii, Chap. x
%%
Two sages were standing on a bridge over a stream.
 One said to the other, "I wish I were a fish. They are
 so happy."

 The other replied, "How do you know whether fish are happy
 or not?   You're not a fish."

 The first said, "But you're not me, so how do you know whether
 or not I know how fish feel?"
%%
Two saucers short of a tea-service.
%%
Two's company. Three's a trend.
%%
Two's company, three's the result!
%%
Two seals fell off a cliff.  Arf Arf
%%
Two seemingly incompatible conceptions can each represent the truth. ...
They may serve in turn to represent the facts without ever entering into
direct conflict.
 -- Louis de Broglie
%%
Two sheep short of a sweater.
%%
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
* English well talking.
* Here speeching American.
%%
Two silkworms were having a race, but it ended in a tie.
%%
Two socks short of a pair.
%%
Two sodium atoms are walking along the street when one stops and says,
"Oh my God, I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"  asks the other sodium atom.
"Yes," replies the first sodium atom, "I'm positive."
 -- R.D. Hayler, Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire, to a friend
%%
Two souls in one, two hearts into one heart.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Sixth Day
%%
Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
 -- Von Munch Bellinghausen (1806-1871)
 -- Ingomar the Barbarian, Act ii
%%
Two soviet ships collide, one dies.
%%
Two stars keep not their motion in one sphere.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Two suits short of a full deck (a half-wit).
%%
Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
I forget the second.
%%
Two swords slashing at each other only sharpen one another.
%%
Two teachers were out for a coke after Friday afternoon classes dismissed.
 Says one to the other, "If there is anything to this reincarnation
 business, I'd love to come back as a childhood disease."
%%
Two, ten, eleven. Eyes, fingers, toes.
 -- Gomez Addams
%%
Two things are certain about science.  It does not stand still for long,
and it is never boring.  Oh, among some poor souls, including even
intellectuals in fields of high scholarship, science is frequently
misperceived.  Many see it as only a body of facts, promulgated from
on high in must, unintelligible textbooks, a collection of unchanging
precepts defended with authoritarian vigor.  Others view it as nothing
but a cold, dry narrow, plodding, rule-bound process -- the scientific
method: hidebound, linear, and left brained.
These people are the victims of their own stereotypes.  They are
destined to view the world of science with a set of blinders.  They
know nothing of the tumult, cacophony, rambunctiousness, and
tendentiousness of the actual scientific process, let alone the
creativity, passion, and joy of discovery.  And they are likely to
know little of the continual procession of new insights and discoveries
that every day, in some way, change our view (if not theirs) of the
natural world.
 -- Kendrick Frazier, "The Year in Science: An Overview,"
 -- in 1988 Yearbook of Science and the Future, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc.
%%
Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing wonder and awe- the
starry heavens above me, and the moral law within me.
 -- Immanuel Kant
%%
Two things I do value a lot, intimacy and the capacity for joy, didn't
seem to be on anyone else's list. I felt like the stranger in a strange
land, and decided I'd better not marry the natives.
 -- Richard Bach, Spoken by Leslie Parrish, The Bridge Across Forever
%%
Two things I hate: People that can't count.
%%
Two things I like the best in life -- hot cars and fast women.
%%
Two things most people can't stand are to lose 25 pounds and have no one
 notice or comment, or to have a tropical suntan and have no one even so
 much as mention it.
%%
Two things only a man cannot hide: that he is drunk and that he is in love.
 -- Antiphanes
%%
Two things that usually show up around the same time, spider webs and
 company.
%%
Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water. The other third is
covered with auditors from headquarters.
 -- Augustine's Law Number XLVII
 -- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Two Thousand Pounds!: Juan Ton
%%
:two-to-the-N: quant. An amount much larger than {N} but smaller
   than {infinity}.  "I have 2-to-the-N things to do before I can
   go out for lunch" means you probably won't show up.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Two truths are told,
As happy prologues to the swelling act
Of the imperial theme.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Two undeniable truths: 1) God exists and 2) You're not Him.
%%
Two urns by Jove's high throne have ever stood,--
The source of evil one, and one of good.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxiv, Line 663
%%
Two voices are there: one is Jed, one is Al; each is a drunken voice.
%%
Two ways to drive a Hummer:  Get rich or join the army.
%%
Two weeks after I was born my mother tried to have an abortion ... When
 you're not wanted they never like you. All I heard when I grew up was: "Why
 can't you be like your cousin Sheila? Why can't you be like your cousin
 Sheila?" Cousin Sheila died at birth.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
Two women were talking about that recent birth of quintuplets. One woman
 says, "Did you know that happens only once in four million times?" The
 other says, "My God, when did she ever have time for her housework?"
 -- Bill Barner
%%
Two words:  nuclear fucking weapons.
 -- Denis Leary
%%
Two words you don't want to hear in the men's room:
 "Nice dick"
%%
Two working-class expressions that seem to be creeping upwards are: "Baby
 needs changing," as though you were fed up with her already, and "I've
 potted Sharon," as though she were a shiny red billiard ball. Confusion is
 also caused by the term "putting down." The upper classes "put down" sick
 or senile dogs ...

 The middle classes "put down" children for school, but when the working
 classes say, "I've put Sharon down," it means they've put her to bed. When
 they say, "I mind children," it doesn't mean they dislike them, but that
 they look after them.
 -- Jilly Cooper
%%
Two would actually do it--two magic words that could replace all the
 religions in the world--two wonderful words that embrace all the powers and
 all of the energy we need to survive with each other and with our planet
 and with all the world's living creatures--don't hurt.
 -- Roger Caras
%%
Two writes don't make a novel!
%%
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
 -- Kohn's Corollary to Murphy's Law
%%
Two wrongs do not make a right; it usually takes three or more.
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they come DAMN close!
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse
 -- Szasz
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
%%
Two wrongs make a right in discrimination.
 -- Liberal Rule #33
%%
TX Driving: To change lanes, first pull out your .357..
%%
TYF: Trust Your Feelings
%%
Tyger, tyger, burning bright, in the forests of the night;
what immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry?
%%
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright          What the hammer?  What the chain?
In the forests of the night,          In what furnace was thy brain?
What immortal hand or eye             What the anvil?  What dread grasp
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?      Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

In what distant deeps or skies        When the stars threw down their spears,
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?         And water'd heaven with their tears,
On what wings dare he aspire?         Dare he laugh his work to see?
What the hand dare seize the fire?    Dare he who made the lamb make thee?

And what shoulder & what art,         Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
Could twist the sinews of they heart? In the forests of the night,
And when thy heart began to beat      What immortal hand or eye,
What dread hand & what dread feet?    Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827), "The Tyger"
%%
Type "ATDT 999" for more help.
%%
Typed on my Ultra Megger Wallet Whammer.
%%
Typed with all the speed of a striking slug!
%%
Type faces--like people's faces--have distinctive features indicating
aspects of character
 -- Marshall Lee
 -- Bookmaking, 1965
%%
"type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39,
lines 10-11 (I know you don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)"
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
TYPE, n.  Pestilent bits of metal suspected of destroying
civilization and enlightenment, despite their obvious agency in this
incomparable dictionary.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Typesetters always correct intentional errors, but fail to correct
unintentional errors.
 -- Alan Otten
%%
Typesetters do it between periods.
%%
TYPEWRITER
  Writing implement now on the verge of obscurity.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Typical Canadian: "Who's Rush Limbaugh?"
%%
Typical Government - $500,000,000 for a plane you can't see.
%%
Typical humans, you can always count on them to mess things up.
%%
Typically loud music, more so than the original, made it sound as if the
audience was singing along.  (In fact, a good deal of the audience was
singing along.)
%%
TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN
my best results are
 -- Research definitions
%%
Typing all of your message in capitals is SHOUTING!
%%
TYPISTS do it in triplicate.
%%
Typists do it with their fingers.
%%
TYPOGRAPHERS do it to the letter
%%
Typographers do it with tight kerning.
%%
Typographers rule, OQ
%%
Typos? Blame my cat.
%%
Tyranny is always better organized. The John Birch Society had a much finer
 organization than ever happened with the ACLU.
%%
Tyrant:  an IRC Bot.
%%
Tyrant of the Potatoes: Dick Tater
%%
Tyrell Corporation: More Human than Human.
%%
Tyre shop sign: "We skid you not"
%%
TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n.  An African insect (_Glossina morsitans_)
whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy
for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American
novelist (_Mendax interminabilis_).
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
 (U2's "With or Without You":)
 No one's here to answer the phone,
 Leave a message at the tone,
 And we'll get back to you.
 We'll get back to you!
 -- Answering machine madness - mainly musical theme
%%
UAI     Use Alternate Instruction set
%%
:UBD: /U-B-D/ [abbreviation for `User Brain Damage'] An
   abbreviation used to close out trouble reports obviously due to
   utter cluelessness on the user's part.  Compare {pilot error};
   oppose {PBD}; see also {brain-damaged}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex.
[Where there is no police, there
is no speed limit.]
 -- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)
[Where there is no prosecutor, there is no judge.]
 -- real translation, Antonio
%%
Ubi, O, ubi est meam sub ubi?
 -- Vergil
%%
UBIQUITY, n.  The gift or power of being in all places at one time,
but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an
attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.  This important
distinction between ubiquity and omnipresence was not clear to the
mediaeval Church and there was much bloodshed about it.  Certain
Lutherans, who affirmed the presence everywhere of Christ's body were
known as Ubiquitarians.  For this error they were doubtless damned,
for Christ's body is present only in the eucharist, though that
sacrament may be performed in more than one place simultaneously.  In
recent times ubiquity has not always been understood -- not even by
Sir Boyle Roche, for example, who held that a man cannot be in two
places at once unless he is a bird.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
[They make a desert, and callit peace.]
 -- Tacitus (54-119 AD), Agricola, 30
%%
U can c the color of the interior of the [vehicle]... dig.
Ya stop cars with blk interior.
Bees they naugahyde.
Negrohide.
Self tanning no doubt.
 -- LAPD squad-car computer messages, as quoted in the Christopher Report, 7/91
%%
UCB     Uncouple CPU and Branch
%%
UCK     Unlock Console Keyswitch
%%
"U" (clap, clap, clap)
"C" (clap, clap, clap)
"L" (clap, clap, clap)
"A" (clap, clap, clap)
UCLA, fight, fight, fight!
%%
UER     Update and Erase Record
%%
UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
%%
UFO's are real--the Air Force is swamp gas!
%%
UFO     Unidentified Flag Operation (Bobby Baum)
%%
UFO
  Unidentified Flying Object. Also known by the acronym
  ACATMTTSAFMCAMMFFDOMLAIPIMSAMMP (Aliens Came And Took Me To Their
  Spaceship And Fed Me Cornflakes And Made Me Forget Five Days Of My
  Life And Inserted Probes Into My Skull And Made Me Pregnant.)
      It is now almost certain that UFOs were specifically designed
  to enable poor country-folk to rip off current affairs shows.
  Actually, most UFOs are considerably smaller than flying saucers,
  and are usually attributed to overhead seagulls.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
UFP President: "Ambassador Sarek, there must be some way to extradite these
  men."
Sarek: "Mister President, I share a matter of personal responsibility in this
  matter.  But I am obliged to confirm my esteemed colleague's legal
  interpretation."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
UFP President: "James T. Kirk, it is the judgement of this council
that you be  reduced in rank to captain.  And as a consequence of
your new rank, you be  given that duty for which you have shown unswerving
ability...the command of a  starship."
 -- "STIV:TVH", Stardate 8390.
%%
UFP President: "Let us redefine progress to mean that just because
we *can* do a
  thing, it does not necessarily follow that we *must*."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
UFP President: "Madame Chancellor, members of the diplomatic corps, honored
  guests...the United Federation Of Planets welcomes you to Camp Khitomer."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
UFP President: "What is the position of the Romulan government, Ambassador
  Nanclus?"
Nanclus: "I must concur with my colleagues."
UFP President: "But you can't possibly believe that James Kirk assassinated the
  Chancellor of the High Council!"
Nanclus: "Mister President, I don't know what to believe."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
UGLINESS, n.  A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue
without humility.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Ugly Bags of Mostly Water we try at peace...you not listen. Boy in
  Dome on Sand of Home...we kill.
 -- Microbrain, "Home Soil", stardate 41463.9
%%
Uh.. Apone. Collect all the magazines, we can't have any shooting in
   there. No grenades either. (they're in the middle of the Alien hive :)
 -- Aliens
%%
Uh, Count, far be it from me to query this lady's competence as
 a doctor, but where I come from, you don't cut off a patient's
   head if you wish to cure their ankle.
 -- Romana, Androids of Tara
%%
Uh...had a slight weapons malfunction. But, uh, everything's perfectly all
right now.  We're fine.  We're all fine here...now...thank you.  How
are you?
 -- Han Solo. - (Star Wars)
%%
Uhhhhh ... Bud Lite!
%%
Uh huh... Um... Yeah...  OK, I'll be going back to my own little world now...
 -- Will Ferry
%%
Uh, Josh, you have to do a QC before you say "go away" for it to be a
banishing.
%%
Uhland's poetry is like the famous war horse, Bayard; it possesses
all possible virtues and only one fault: it is dead.
 -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Uh-oh!!  I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Uh-oh!!  I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
UH-OH!!  I put on ``GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's''
 by mistake!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
UH-OH!!  I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S
 having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!!  Ha ha.
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Uh-oh -- I've let the cat out of the bag.
Let me, then, straightforwardly state the thesis I shall now elaborate:
Making variations on a theme is really the crux of creativity.
 -- Douglas R. Hofstadter, "Metamagical Themas"
%%
Uh oh. Looks like we got a 666 down there - deity on a rampage.
%%
UH-OH!!  We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Uh-oh --  WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
 frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Uh, that's the same equation.
%%
Uhura: "Admiral, the commander of the Reliant is signaling.  He wishes to
  discuss terms of our surrender."
Kirk: "Put it on-screen."
Uhura: "But..."
Kirk: "Do it!  While we still have time."
 -- "STII:TWOK", Stardate 8130.4
%%
Uhura: "And Admiral?  All my hopes."
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Uhura: "Automatic all-points relay from Starfleet Command, Captain.  Code One."
 -- "Errand Of Mercy", Stardate Unknown
%%
Uhura: "Did someone fire off a phaser?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Uhura: "Don't you think I'd shut if off if I could?!"
 -- "The Naked Time", Stardate 1704.2.
%%
Uhura: "Howdy, boys."
 -- "STV:TFF", Stardate 8451.1
%%
Uhura: "I have orders from Starfleet Command.  We're to put back to Spacedock
  immediately...to be decommisioned."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Uhura: "Is this enough excitement for you?"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Uhura: "It's a big galaxy, Mister Scott."
Scott: "Aye."
 -- "Metamorphosis", Stardate 3219.8.
%%
Uhura: "Rura Penthe."
Chekov: "Known throughout the galaxy as 'The Aliens' Graveyard'."
Scott: "Better to kill them now and get it over with."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Uhura: "Sorry, neither!"
 -- "The Naked Time", Stardate 1704.2.
%%
Uhura: "They've been arrested."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Uhura: "This isn't reality...this is fantasy!"
 -- "STIII:TSFS", Stardate 8210.3
%%
Uhura: "Uh, General, are you fond of...Shake...speare?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Uhura: "We am thy freighter...Ursva, six weeks out of Kronos.  Over."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Uhura: "We are experiencing technical malfunction.  All backup systems
  inoperative."
Chekov: "Excellent...I, I, I mean...too bad."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Uhura: "We is condemning food...things and...supplies."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Uhura: "You are Crewman Dax?" Dax: "Yes, Commander, what is the problem?"
Chekov: "Perhaps you know...Russian epic of Cinderella.  If shoe fits,
wear it." Spock: "Uh, Mister Chekov..."  [Points down]
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Uhura: "You understand, we have lost all contact with the captain and Doctor
  McCoy."
Spock: "Yes, at the moment, they're surrounded by a magnetic shield.  However,
  if I know the captain, at this time, he is deep into planning his escape."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Ulch, that meat was painted.
%%
Ultimately what's most lasting are those intimate moments that
are so fleeting.Those magical, mystical moments where a man leaves
himself and becomes one withanother person.  There is no witness
except the person you shared it with-- a woman, a child, another
man.  I think if you stacked all those tender moments head to
head, if you get out of life with 27 minutes like that, you're probably
 way ahead.
 -- Lee Marvin
%%
Ultimate office automation:  networked coffee.
%%
Ultimate oxymoron: "Cash Surplus"
%%
Ultimate Question Research Team
%%
ULTIMATUM, n.  In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to
concessions.
    Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry
met to consider it.
    "O servant of the Prophet," said the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk
to the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army, "how many unconquerable
soldiers have we in arms?"
    "Upholder of the Faith," that dignitary replied after examining
his memoranda, "they are in numbers as the leaves of the forest!"
    "And how many impenetrable battleships strike terror to the hearts
of all Christian swine?" he asked the Imaum of the Ever Victorious
Navy.
    "Uncle of the Full Moon," was the reply, "deign to know that they
are as the waves of the ocean, the sands of the desert and the stars
of Heaven!"
    For eight hours the broad brow of the Sheik of the Imperial
Chibouk was corrugated with evidences of deep thought:  he was
calculating the chances of war.  Then, "Sons of angels," he said, "the
die is cast!  I shall suggest to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear that he
advise inaction.  In the name of Allah, the council is adjourned."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ULTRA
  Prefix invented by marketing people. Used when "very" just isn't
  adequate. "Ultra" is actually quite old hat, most reputable
  marketing people having moved on to "mega". But be careful, because
  "mega" comes from the Greek, and they might want it back.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Ultra Short Term Nostalgia:
 Homesickness for the extremely recent past: "Things seemed so
much better in the world last week."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
UMBRELLA
  An object of amazing qualities. Umbrellas are even more adept at
  detaching themselves from their owners than stationery. They also
  send out subconscious thoughts to their owners. On days when it
  will rain, they urge "leave me at home... it won't rain... it will
  be dry..." And on days when it will be sunny and bright all day
  they claim "well, it might rain. Sky looks a little cloudy... you
  wouldn't want to get soaked, would you..." Many believe that
  umbrellas are in league with the Weather Bureau, who for years have
  contrived to cause weather harassment.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Umbroglio: what you and your umbrella get into on a rainy day.
%%
Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!
 -- Yoda
%%
Umm, square root of two?   Ouch!
 -- The guy who blew a hole in the Pythagoreans' assertion that all numbers can
    be represented as a ratio of two integers, so they killed him
%%
Um.  No.  It's not mayonnaise.
%%
Umpire's dessert: rhubarb pie
 -- Raymond D. Love
%%
UMR     Unlock Machine Room
%%
Unable to exit windows.  Try the door.
 -- WindowError: 015
%%
Unable to load REALITY.SYS -- Invalid Parameter: /UTOPIA
%%
Unable to locate TEAEARLGREY.HOT -- Enterprise halted
%%
UN-AMERICAN, adj.  Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Un baiser: un petit point rose que l'on met sur l'i du verbe Aimer.
Un bacio e' un apostrofo rosa fra le parole t'amo.
[A kiss is a small pink point over the "i" of the verb "Aimer" (to love).]
%%
Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the
woods on a summer afternoon.  A fawn dances on and nibbles at some
leaves.  He drifts lazily through the soft foliage.  Soon he starts
coughing and drops dead.
 -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%%
Unbelievable! The monster has inhaled the axe!
%%
[Unbelievably gross and offensive expletive deleted]
%%
Unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Unblemish'd let me live, or die unknown;
O grant an honest fame, or grant me none!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Temple of Fame, Last line
%%
Unbless'd thy hand, if in this low disguise
Wander, perhaps, some inmate of the skies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xvii, Line 576
%%
Unbounded courage and compassion join'd,
Tempering each other in the victor's mind,
Alternately proclaim him good and great,
And make the hero and the man complete.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- The Campaign, Line 219
%%
Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
%%
Uncertain fortune is thoroughly mastered by the equity of the calculation.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you
unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.
 -- R. I. Fitzhenry
%%
Uncertainty error.  Uncertainty may be inadequate.
 -- WindowError: 01C
%%
Uncertainty will always be part of the taking charge process.
 -- Harold Geneen
%%
Un chasseur sachant chasser chasse sans son chien.
[A hunter who knows how to hunt hunts without his dog.]
%%
Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?

It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food,
right?
 -- MacNelley, Shoe
%%
Uncompensated overtime?  Just Say No.
%%
Uncontrolled power will turn even saints into savages.  And we can all
  be counted on to live down to our lowest impulses.
 -- Parmen, "Plato's Stepchildren," stardate 5784.3.
%%
Uncorrectable ECC error.
%%
UNCTION, n.  An oiling, or greasing.  The rite of extreme unction
consists in touching with oil consecrated by a bishop several parts of
the body of one engaged in dying.  Marbury relates that after the rite
had been administered to a certain wicked English nobleman it was
discovered that the oil had not been properly consecrated and no other
could be obtained.  When informed of this the sick man said in anger:
"Then I'll be damned if I die!"
    "My son," said the priest, "this is what we fear."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:undefined external reference: excl. [UNIX] A message from UNIX's
   linker.  Used in speech to flag loose ends or dangling references
   in an argument or discussion.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Under active consideration: We're searching the files for it.
 -- Kelvin Throop III, The Management Dictionary
%%
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
 just man is also a prison.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Under Alabama law, the wearer of a false moustache in church
who causes unseemly laughter is subject to arrest.
%%
Under all speech that is good for anything there lies a silence that
is better. Silence is deep as Eternity; speech is shallow as time.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian
 -- Memoirs of the Life of Scott, London and Westminister Review,
 -- Nos. XII and LV (1838)
%%
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there
 is some ordinance under which you can be booked.
 -- Robert D Sprecht (Rand Corp.)
%%
Under any system a few sharpies will beat the rest of us.
 -- Al Goodfather
%%
Under capitalism, man exploits man.
 Under Communism, it's just the opposite.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Under consideration: We never heard of it.
 -- Kelvin Throop III, The Management Dictionary
%%
Under current law, it is a crime for a private citizen to lie to
a government official, but not for the government official to
lie to the people.
 -- Donald M. Fraser
%%
Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet
each other, no matter which one may be in excess.
 -- Joe Bolton
%%
Under deadline pressure for the next week. If you want something,
 it can wait. Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic...
%%
Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying
to prove that the other party is unfit to rule-- and both commonly
succeed, and are right.
 -- H.L. Mencken, Minority Report, 1956
%%
Underdogging:
 The tendency to almost invariably side with the underdog in a
given situation. The consumer expression of this trait is the
purchasing of less successful, "sad," or failing products: "I know
these Vienna franks are heart failure on a stick, but they were so sad
looking up against all the other yuppie food items that I just had to
buy them."
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Under every stone lurks a politician.
 Aristophanes
%%
Under heaven thunder rolls:
All things attain the natural state of innocence.
Thus the kings of old,
Rich in virtue, and in harmony with the time,
Fostered and nourished all beings.
%%
Under heaven, wind:
The image of Coming to Meet.
Thus does the prince act when disseminating his commands
And proclaiming them to the four quarters of heaven.
%%
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
 -- Oscar Levant (1906-1972)
%%
Underneath this sable hearse
Lies the subject of all verse,--
Sidney's sister, Pembroke's mother.
Death, ere thou hast slain another,
Learn'd and fair and good as she,
Time shall throw a dart at thee.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Epitaph on the Countess of Pembroke
%%
Underneath this stone doth lie
As much beauty as could die;
Which in life did harbour give
To more virtue than doth live.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Epitaph on Elizabeth, L. H.
%%
Under no circumstances should you ever include computer jargon
in a business algorithm.
 -- BU260 syllabus
%%
Understanding is always the understanding of a smaller problem
in relation to a bigger problem.
 -- P. D. Ouspensky
%%
Understanding is the reward of faith.  Therefore seek not to understand that
thou mayest believe, but believe that mayest understand.
 -- St. Augustine
%%
UNDERSTANDING, n.  A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to
know a house from a horse by the roof on the house.  Its nature and
laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and
Kant, who lived in a horse.

    His understanding was so keen
    That all things which he'd felt, heard, seen,
    He could interpret without fail
    If he was in or out of jail.
    He wrote at Inspiration's call
    Deep disquisitions on them all,
    Then, pent at last in an asylum,
    Performed the service to compile 'em.
    So great a writer, all men swore,
    They never had not read before.
                                                       Jorrock Wormley
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Understanding the laws of nature does not mean we are free from obeying them.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Understanding this operating system is like trying to play Pic-up Sticks with
your butt cheeks.
%%
Understand that legal and illegal are political, and often arbitrary,
categorizations; use and abuse are medical, or clinical, distinctions.
 -- Abbie Hoffman
%%
Undertakers do it with corpses.
%%
Under the greenwood tree
Who loves to lie with me.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
:under the hood: [hot-rodder talk] prep. 1. Used to introduce
   the underlying implementation of a product (hardware, software, or
   idea).  Implies that the implementation is not intuitively obvious
   from the appearance, but the speaker is about to enable the
   listener to {grok} it.  "Let's now look under the hood to see
   how ...."  2. Can also imply that the implementation is much
   simpler than the appearance would indicate: "Under the hood, we
   are just fork/execing the shell."  3. Inside a chassis, as in
   "Under the hood, this baby has a 40MHz 68030!"
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Under the most carefully controlled conditions of
scheduling, programming, and con security, the fen will do
what they damn well please.
%%
Under the most carefully controlled conditions of temperature, density,
 and pressure, the organism will do what it damn well pleases.
 -- Harward's Law
%%
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
 volume, humidity and other variables, the computer will do as it damn well
 pleases.
 -- Harward's Law, as applied to Computers
%%
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions, the
 experimental apparatus will do exactly as it pleases.
 -- Harward's Law, as applied to experiments
%%
Under the opening eyelids of the morn.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 26
%%
Under the shade of melancholy boughs,
Lose and neglect the creeping hours of time;
If ever you have look'd on better days,
If ever been where bells have knoll'd to church,
If ever sat at any good man's feast.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
Under the shady roof
Of branching elm star-proof.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Arcades, Line 88
%%
Under the sod and the dew,
  Waiting the judgment day;
Love and tears for the Blue,
  Tears and love for the Gray.
 -- Francis M. Finch
 -- The Blue and the Gray
%%
Under the tropic is our language spoke,
And part of Flanders hath receiv'd our yoke.
 -- Edmund Waller (1605-1687)
 -- Upon the Death of the Lord Protector
%%
Under the wide and heavy VAX
Dig my grave and let me relax
Long have I lived, and many my hacks
And I lay me down with a will.
These be the words that tell the way:
"Here he lies who piped 64K,
Brought down the machine for nearly a day,
And Rogue playing to an awful standstill."
 -- with excuses to Rudyard Kipling
%%
Under the wide an starry sky,
Dig my grave and let me lie,
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And laid me down with a will,
And this be the verse that you grave for me,
Here he lies where he longed to be,
Home is the sailor home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
Under the yaller pines I house,
  When sunshine makes 'em all sweet-scented,
An' hear among their furry boughs
  The baskin' west-wind purr contented.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin', No. x
%%
Under which king, Bezonian? speak, or die!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Undeserved misfortune.
The cow that was tethered by someone
Is the wanderer's gain, the citizen's loss.
%%
Uneasy lies the head that has dandruff.
%%
Unemployed people are getting bigger.
%%
Unemployment has gone from quantitative to qualitative.
 -- Alvin Toffler
%%
Unemployment helps stretch your coffee break.
%%
Unemployment is an inconvenience.
 -- John F. Haugh II
%%
Uneven economic and political development is an absolute law of capitalism.
 -- Nicolai Lenin
%%
Unexpected error - Huh ?
 -- WindowError: 013
%%
Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
 -- WindowError: 00F
%%
Unfair animal names:

 -- tsetse fly                   -- bullhead
 -- booby                   -- duck-billed platypus
 -- sapsucker                   -- Clarence
 -- Gary Larson
%%
Unfair competition: Selling cheaper than we do.
 -- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
Unfalsifiable propositions are not amenable to any method at all.
If there were, then religions would be able to find a way to resolve
internal conflicts over differing versions of their unfalsifiables
without resorting to schism, excommunication, torture, or jihad.
In science, however, there are no permanent schisms, because there
is a recognized final court of appeal, namely the universe itself.
%%
Unfortunately, Albert, God does play dice with the universe.
%%
Unfortunately for you, it is nearly 5 pm and I have run out of
pithy things to say.
%%
Unfortunately I already have a servant.
The word is...that your servant is the worst servant in London.
Mmm..that's true. Baldrick, you're fired. Be out of the house in
  ten minutes.
 -- Kate and Edmund : Bells
%%
"Unfortunately, life contains an unavoidable element of unpredictability"
 -- David Lynch "The Angriest Dog in the World"
%%
Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, regarding David Duke's
                   candidacy, 10/12/90, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Ungrateful Florence! Dante sleeps afar,
Like Scipio, buried by the upbraiding shore.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 57
%%
Unhand me, gentlemen.
By heaven, I 'll make a ghost of him that lets me!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our
talents and our expectations.
 -- Edward De Bono
%%
Unhappiness is the hunger to get; happiness is the hunger to give.
 -- William George Jordan
%%
Unhappiness is the state which occurs in the human when wants and
  desires are not fulfilled.
 -- Spock, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
Unhappy the general who comes on the field of battle with a system.
 -- Napoleon
%%
Unibus timeout fatal trap program lost sorry
 -- An error message printed by DEC's RSTS operating system for the PDP-11
%%
Unicorns aren't mythical--virgins are!!
%%
:uninteresting: adj. 1. Said of a problem that, although
   {nontrivial}, can be solved simply by throwing sufficient
   resources at it.  2. Also said of problems for which a solution
   would neither advance the state of the art nor be fun to design and
   code.

   Hackers regard uninteresting problems as intolerable wastes of
   time, to be solved (if at all) by lesser mortals.  *Real*
   hackers (see {toolsmith}) generalize uninteresting problems
   enough to make them interesting and solve them --- thus solving the
   original problem as a special case (and, it must be admitted,
   occasionally turning a molehill into a mountain, or a mountain into
   a tectonic plate).  See {WOMBAT}, {SMOP}; compare {toy
   problem}, oppose {interesting}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Uninvited guests are usually welcome after they've left
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
UNION:
A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.
%%
Union craftsman
 -- Oxymoron
%%
UNITARIAN:
    A bunch of atheists who really like going to church.
%%
UNITARIAN, n.  One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
United Nations, New York, December 25.  The peace and joy of the
Christmas season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of
all the military forces of the world.  Panic reigns in the hearts of
all the patriots of every persuasion.

Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time low over the
world.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
United Nations
 -- Oxymoron
%%
United Way meeting at 3:00 this afternoon at St. John's.
%%
United yet divided, twain at once:
So sit two kings of Brentford on one throne.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book i, The Sofa, Line 77
%%
UNIVERSALIST, n.  One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons
of another faith.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Universal joints aren't.
%%
Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.
%%
Universal suffrage is the government of a house by its nursery.
 -- Otto von Bismarck
%%
Universe: All-purpose poem.
 -- Ray Hand
%%
Universe, n.:  The problem.
 -- Andy Tannenbaum
%%
Universities are of course hostile to geniuses, which, seeing and using
 ways of their own, discredit the routine:    as churches and monastaries
  persecute youthful saints.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Universities are places of knowledge.  The freshman each bring a little
in with them, and the seniors take none away, so knowledge accumulates.
%%
University: A modern school where football is taught.
 -- Paraphrased from Ambrose Bierce's "The Devil's Dictionary"
 -- (definition of "Academe")
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"5 to 7 is a good size - a good size results in high
                   satisfaction"  R.Bergmann on discussion group sizes, 1/10/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"Don't abuse your pointer"                    A.Blucher on C programming 2/4/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"I've got a bloody 'E'! What's that - a bowl
                              of goldfish? That's a bloody 'E'!"  G.Faux 7/5/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"Languages... sounds a bit like sandwiches..."                R.Redpath 31/7/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"Moses was a manager"                                           H.Eisen 30/7/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"Select one from the number of balls in your container"        C.McCann 23/7/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"Stimulating initially, but you can't keep it up forever"
                                               R.Redpath on programming  6/8/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"Take me to your owner"                                       R.Redpath 31/7/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"Talking... is like a dance..."                               A.Blucher 15/3/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to. Here
are just a few pearls of wisdom from university lecturers.

"The Great Wall of China was a massive exercise in management"  H.Eisen 30/7/90
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
University: Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's
usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell you how to
fix it, and ...
%%
University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV): A place poor students who can play
 real good basketball go to learn how to speak bad grammer easily.
%%
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so
small.
 -- Henry Kissinger
%%
University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require
so much expensive equipment?  Now the Department of Mathematics requires
nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers . . . and the Department
of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Unix: a moment of convenience, a lifetime of regret.
 -- old ITS hacker saying
%%
Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone.
%%
UNIX:  An operating system only a mother could love.
 -- Paul Beck
%%
:UNIX brain damage: n. Something that has to be done to break a
   network program (typically a mailer) on a non-UNIX system so that
   it will interoperate with UNIX systems.  The hack may qualify as
   `UNIX brain damage' if the program conforms to published standards
   and the UNIX program in question does not.  UNIX brain damage
   happens because it is much easier for other (minority) systems to
   change their ways to match non-conforming behavior than it is to
   change all the hundreds of thousands of UNIX systems out there.

   An example of UNIX brain damage is a {kluge} in a mail server to
   recognize bare line feed (the UNIX newline) as an equivalent form
   to the Internet standard newline, which is a carriage return
   followed by a line feed.  Such things can make even a hardened
   {jock} weep.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
UNIX caretaker, fixer-upper and disk filler.
%%
:UNIX conspiracy: [ITS] n. According to a conspiracy theory long
   popular among {{ITS}} and {{TOPS-20}} fans, UNIX's growth is the
   result of a plot, hatched during the 1970s at Bell Labs, whose
   intent was to hobble AT&T's competitors by making them dependent
   upon a system whose future evolution was to be under AT&T's
   control.  This would be accomplished by disseminating an operating
   system that is apparently inexpensive and easily portable, but also
   relatively unreliable and insecure (so as to require continuing
   upgrades from AT&T).  This theory was lent a substantial impetus
   in 1984 by the paper referenced in the {back door} entry.

   In this view, UNIX was designed to be one of the first computer
   viruses (see {virus}) --- but a virus spread to computers indirectly
   by people and market forces, rather than directly through disks and
   networks.  Adherents of this `UNIX virus' theory like to cite the
   fact that the well-known quotation "UNIX is snake oil" was
   uttered by DEC president Kenneth Olsen shortly before DEC began
   actively promoting its own family of UNIX workstations.  (Olsen now
   claims to have been misquoted.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
UNIX don't do it.
%%
UNIX enhancements aren't.
%%
 . . . UNIX for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.
 -- Matthew 19:12 (?)
%%
Unix?  I can't even do ONE thing at once.
%%
Unix is a lot more complicated (than CP/M) of course -- the typical Unix
hacker can never remember what the PRINT command is called this week--but
when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game.     People
don't do serious work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the
world on USENET or write adventure games and research papers.
 -- E. Post, "Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal", Datamation, 7/83
%%
UNIX is a registered trademark in the U.S. and other countries,
licensed exclusively through X/Open Company Ltd.
%%
UNIX is easy to use.
UNIX is not necessarily easy to learn.
Learn the difference.
%%
UNIX is like the maritime transit system in an impoverished country. The
ferryboats are dangerous as hell, offer no protection from the weather
and leak like sieves.  Every monsoon season a couple of them capsize and
drown all the passengers, but people still line up for them and crowd aboard.
%%
UNIX is many things to many people, but it's never been everything to anybody.
%%
:unixism: n. A piece of code or a coding technique that depends on
   the protected multi-tasking environment with relatively low
   process-spawn overhead that exists on virtual-memory UNIX systems.
   Common {unixism}s include: gratuitous use of `fork(2)'; the
   assumption that certain undocumented but well-known features of
   UNIX libraries such as `stdio(3)' are supported elsewhere;
   reliance on {obscure} side-effects of system calls (use of
   `sleep(2)' with a 0 argument to clue the scheduler that you're
   willing to give up your time-slice, for example); the assumption
   that freshly allocated memory is zeroed; and the assumption that
   fragmentation problems won't arise from never `free()'ing
   memory.  Compare {vaxocentrism}; see also {New Jersey}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Unix is not a "A-ha" experience, it is more of a "holy-shit" experience.
 -- Colin McFadyen in alt.folklore.computers
%%
Unix is not your mother.
 -- The Tiger Team
%%
"UNIX isn't so tough, even secretaries can use it."
 -- VMS user
%%
Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully.
%%
UNIX is the answer - what was the question?
%%
Unix is the worst operating system; except for all others.
 -- Berry Kercheval
%%
UNIX: It's a nice place to live, but you wouldn't want to visit there.
%%
UNIX: It's not a job, it's a Jihad!
%%
Unix - plural of Eunuch.
%%
Unix programmers do it with pipes.
%%
    UNIX Shell is the Best Fourth Generation Programming Language

    It is the UNIX shell that makes it possible to do applications in a small
    fraction of the code and time it takes in third generation languages.  In
    the shell you process whole files at a time, instead of only a line at a
    time.  And, a line of code in the UNIX shell is one or more programs,
    which do more than pages of instructions in a 3GL.  Applications can be
    developed in hours and days, rather than months and years with traditional
    systems.  Most of the other 4GLs available today look more like COBOL or
    RPG, the most tedious of the third generation languages.

 -- _UNIX Relational Database Management:  Application Development in the UNIX
   Environment_ by Rod Manis, Evan Schaffer, and Robert Jorgensen.  Prentice
   Hall Software Series.  Brian Kernighan, Advisor.  1988.
%%
UNIX should be used as an adjective.
 -- AT&T
%%
Unix soit qui mal y pense.
%%
Unix: Some say the learning curve is steep, but you only have to climb
it once.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov  5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
 -- Andy Tannenbaum
%%
UNIX was never designed to keep people from doing stupid things,
because that policy would also keep them from doing clever things.
 -- Doug Gwyn (1 Aug 90)
%%
:UNIX weenie: [ITS] n. 1. A derogatory play on `UNIX wizard',
   common among hackers who use UNIX by necessity but would prefer
   alternatives.  The implication is that although the person in
   question may consider mastery of UNIX arcana to be a wizardly
   skill, the only real skill involved is the ability to tolerate (and
   the bad taste to wallow in) the incoherence and needless complexity
   that is alleged to infest many UNIX programs.  "This shell script
   tries to parse its arguments in 69 bletcherous ways.  It must have
   been written by a real UNIX weenie."  2. A derogatory term for
   anyone who engages in uncritical praise of UNIX.  Often appearing
   in the context "stupid UNIX weenie".  See {Weenix}, {UNIX
   conspiracy}.  See also {weenie}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Unix:  When you can't afford the very best.
%%
Unix will self-destruct in five seconds... 4... 3... 2... 1...
%%
Unix wizards do it with unchecked conversions.
%%
:UNIX:: /yoo'niks/ [In the authors' words, "A weak pun on
   Multics"] n. (also `Unix') An interactive time-sharing system
   invented in 1969 by Ken Thompson after Bell Labs left the Multics
   project, originally so he could play games on his scavenged PDP-7.
   Dennis Ritchie, the inventor of C, is considered a co-author of the
   system.  The turning point in UNIX's history came when it was
   reimplemented almost entirely in C during 1972--1974, making it the
   first source-portable OS.  UNIX subsequently underwent mutations
   and expansions at the hands of many different people, resulting in
   a uniquely flexible and developer-friendly environment.  By 1991,
   UNIX had become the most widely used multiuser general-purpose
   operating system in the world.  Many people consider this the most
   important victory yet of hackerdom over industry opposition (but
   see {UNIX weenie} and {UNIX conspiracy} for an opposing point
   of view).  See {Version 7}, {BSD}, {USG UNIX}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Unkind words do not enhance business confidence.
 -- Mark Epernay
%%
Unknowingly, we plow the dust of stars, blown about us by the wind, and
drink the universe in a glass of rain.
 -- Ihab Hassan
%%
<unknown device type 0x%x>
%%
:unleaded: adj. Said of decaffeinated coffee, Diet Coke, and other
   imitation {programming fluid}s.  "Do you want regular or
   unleaded?"  Appears to be widespread among programmers associated
   with the oil industry in Texas (and probably elsewhere).  Usage:
   silly, and probably unintelligible to the next generation of
   hackers.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Unlearned men of books assume the care,
As eunuchs are the guardians of the fair.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire ii, Line 83
%%
Unless above himself he can
Erect himself, how poor a thing is man!
 -- Samuel Daniel (1562-1619)
 -- To the Countess of Cumberland, Stanza 12
%%
Unless an age too late, or cold
Climate, or years, damp my intended wing.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ix, Line 44
%%
Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes... but no plans.
 -- Peter Drucker
%%
Unless degree is preserved, the first place is safe for no one.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 1042
%%
Unless experience be a jewel.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues
of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself
a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst
be so superfluous to demand the time of the day.
I wasted time and now doth time waste me.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Unless one is a genius, it is best to aim at being intelligible.
 -- Anthony Hope
%%
Unless she pays up, you will die. Howwibly.
She _will_ pay up. And then _you_ will die. Howwibly howwibly.
 -- Ludwig and Edmund : Chains
%%
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better.  It's not.
 -- Dr. Seuss, The Lorax
%%
Unless the results are known in advance, funding
agencies will reject the proposal.
 -- Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
%%
Unless the specification states otherwise, we must assume that circuit
delay varies in accordance with changes in supply voltage, ambient
temperature, time, and the Dow Jones index.
 -- J. H. Haynes
%%
Unless you are very rich and very eccentric, you will not enjoy the luxury of
 a computer in your own home.
 -- Edward Yourdon, 1975.
%%
Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense
 -- E. E. Cummings (1894-1963)
%%
Unless you put your money to work for you, you work for your money.
 -- Joe Miller
%%
Unlike most net.puritans, however, I feel that what OTHER consenting computers
do in the privacy of their own phone connections is their own business.
 -- John Woods, jfw@eddie.mit.edu
%%
Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.
 -- Homer in "Homer's Odyssey", from The Simpsons
%%
Unlike my subject now shall be my song;
It shall be witty, and it sha'n't be long.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Impromptu Lines
%%
Unlike the cleaning lady, I have to do Windows.
%%
Unlimited campaign spending eats at the heart of the democratic process.
 -- Barry Goldwater
%%
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Unlimited power is apt to corrupt the minds of those who possess it.
 -- William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778)
 -- Speech,  Hansard (House of Lords) 9 January 1770, col. 665
%%
Unlive and learn.
%%
UNMATCHED .................. Almost as good as the competition
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
*/ unmatched closing comment
%%
UNOBTRUSIVE MEASURES: Experimental techniques of unclear origin having
something to do with work tiles. Observing madam in her bath without
bringing forth screams.
%%
Unpack my heart with words,
And fall a-cursing, like a very drab.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE .. Nothing ever ran this slow before
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
%%
Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out
 twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Unrecognized faults lead to wasted efforts
 -- Joanot Martorell, "Tirant lo Blanc", 1490
%%
Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one.
            Old Windows licence is not valid anymore.
 -- WindowError: 018
%%
Unrespited, unpitied, unrepriev'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 185
%%
Unromantic as Monday morning.
 -- Charlotte Bronte
%%
"Unsolved Mysteries" by N. Igmah
%%
Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis xlix, 4
%%
Un tien vaut miex que deux tu l'auras.
[A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.]
%%
Until hard evidence is obtained and corroborated, the American people should
 not be frightened into believing that babies are being bred and eaten, that
 50,000 missing children are being murdered in human sacrifices, or that
 satanists are taking over America's day care centers...   An unjustified
 crusade against those perceived as satanists could result in wasted resources,
 unwarranted damage to reputations, and disruption of civil liberties.
 -- Kenneth Lanning, head of the FBI's special unit in charge of
     investigating claims about satanic-cult crimes, in a report
    of his findings, June, 1989
%%
Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things,
man will not himself find peace.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
Until his own life is at stake, an officer can never know what is
going on with his own men.
%%
Until now, I had never realized what beauty water adds to a river.
 -- MARK TWAIN, ON ALBUQUIRQUE
%%
Until, one by one... HE DESTROYED THEM ALL!
%%
Until philosophers are kings ... cities will never cease from ill,
nor the human race.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Until the lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always
glorify the hunter.
 -- African Proverb
%%
    Until we become the architects of a society that is truly
free and ecological, it will always seem that when the human
brain is not adaptive, it is more often destructive than
creative.
 -- Murray Bookchin
%%
     Until you make peace with what you are,
     you'll never be content with what you have.
 -- DORIS MORTMAN
%%
Until you start plowing pertinent wives, you really aren't working.
The way to a man's heart is through his wife's belly
and don't you forget it.
 -- Edward Albee
%%
Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it
 was.
 -- Margaret Mitchell
%%
Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the
 smell.
 -- Robert Byrne
%%
Untimely grave.
 -- Tate and Brady
 -- Psalm vii
%%
Unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Part iv, Line 33
%%
Unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance;
but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he
hath.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxv, 29
%%
Untold suffering seldom is.
%%
Unto the pure all things are pure.
 -- New Testament
 -- Titus i, 15
%%
Unto you is paradise opened.
 -- Old Testament
 -- 2 Esdras viii, 52
%%
Untwisting all the chains that tie
The hidden soul of harmony.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- L'Allegro, Line 143
%%
Unwanted mail? Sell it to the bookshop!
%%
Unwept, unhonour'd, uninterr'd he lies!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 484
%%
:unwind-protect: [MIT: from the name of a LISP operator] n. A task you
   must remember to perform before you leave a place or finish a
   project.  "I have an unwind-protect to call my advisor."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:unwind the stack: vi. 1. [techspeak] During the execution of a
   procedural language, one is said to `unwind the stack' from a
   called procedure up to a caller when one discards the stack frame
   and any number of frames above it, popping back up to the level of
   the given caller.  In C this is done with
   `longjmp'/`setjmp', in LISP with `throw/catch'.
   See also {smash the stack}.  2. People can unwind the stack as
   well, by quickly dealing with a bunch of problems: "Oh heck, let's
   do lunch.  Just a second while I unwind my stack."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:UN*X: n. Used to refer to the UNIX operating system (a trademark of
   AT&T) in writing, but avoiding the need for the ugly
   {(TM)} typography.
   Also used to refer to any or all varieties of Unixoid operating
   systems.  Ironically, lawyers now say that the requirement for the
   TM-postfix has no legal force, but the asterisk usage is
   entrenched anyhow.  It has been suggested that there may be a
   psychological connection to practice in certain religions
   (especially Judaism) in which the name of the deity is never
   written out in full, e.g., `YHWH' or `G--d' is used.  See also
   {glob}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
unzip: simple yet spectacular way to remove protection.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
UOP     Useless Operation
%%
:up: adj. 1. Working, in order.  "The down escalator is up."
   Oppose {down}.  2. `bring up': vt. To create a working
   version and start it.  "They brought up a down system."
   3. `come up' vi. To become ready for production use.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Up against the net, redneck mother,
Mother who has raised your son so well;
He's seventeen and hackin' on a Macintosh,
Flaming spelling errors and raisin' hell...
%%
Up and at 'em, Atom Ant.
%%
update: ro fs mod
%%
UP
  Direction. To move up is to defy gravity for a short time, after
  which a plunging downward motion will follow. (See Investment).
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
  UPF  - Unidentified Program Fuck-up (computing term, when you know
          there's something wrong, but have absolutely no idea where)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Upgrading your memory gives you MORE RAM! - ad in MacWAREHOUSE catalogue.
%%
Upload: A group of tourists on their way to the
observation deck of the Sears Tower.
%%
:upload: /uhp'lohd/ v. 1. [techspeak] To transfer programs or
   data over a digital communications link from a smaller or
   peripheral `client' system to a larger or central `host'
   one.  A transfer in the other direction is, of course, called a
   {download} (but see the note about ground-to-space comm under
   that entry).  2. [speculatively] To move the essential patterns and
   algorithms that make up one's mind from one's brain into a
   computer.  Those who are convinced that such patterns and
   algorithms capture the complete essence of the self view this
   prospect with pleasant anticipation.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Upon an island hard to reach,
the East Beast sits upon his beach.
Upon the west beach sits the West Beast.
Each beach beast thinks that he's the best beast.
%%
Upon arriving there, since what they found to eat was so meager,
some of these Christians, seeing themselves in extreme hunger, killed
an Indian they had captured, and roasted the entrails and ate them;
and they put a good part of the Indian to stew in a large pot in order
to bring along something to eat in the ship's boat in which those
who did this were travelling.
 -- Gonzalo Fernandez de Oviedo,
 -- Historia general y natural de las Indias,
 -- islas y tierra firme del Mar Oceano, 1535
%%
Upon careful examination, Nostradamus will be found to have predicted
EVERY significant event. However, the prediction itself cannot be
understood, or even recognized, until after the event has occurred.
 -- Robert Sheaffer, Past Chairman, The Bay Area Skeptics
%%
Upon encountering happiness:

Be wary at such times, since most of life's blows
fall then.
%%
Upon my burned body lie lightly, gentle earth.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- The Maid's Tragedy, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Upon my head they placed a fruitless crown,
And put a barren sceptre in my gripe,
Thence to be wrench'd with an unlineal hand,
No son of mine succeeding.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Upon my word it makes my blood boil to hear anyone compare
Aristotle with Plato.
 -- James Joyce, Ulysses (1922) p. 238
%%
Upon such sacrifices, my Cordelia,
The gods themselves throw incense.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Upon the dead waters the last leaf finally sinks.
%%
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Upper classes are a nation's past; the middle class is its future.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid
or DMT.  Consciousness Expansion went out with LBJ and it is worth
noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.
 -- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
%%
Uppity Women Unite
%%
Up rose the sonne, and up rose Emelie.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Knightes Tale, Line 2275
%%
Up shit pulsar without a gravity generator
%%
Up, sluggard, and waste not life; in the grave will be sleeping enough.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Up the high hill he heaves a huge round stone.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 736
%%
:upthread: adv. Earlier in the discussion (see {thread}), i.e.,
   `above'.  "As Joe pointed out upthread, ..."  See also
   {followup}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
UP      Understand Program(mer)
%%
Up until now,  you have been...uninteresting. It's only now that your
  life form begins to merit serious attention.
 -- Traveler, "Where No One Has Gone Before", stardate 41263.1
%%
Up with skirts!  Down with zippers!
%%
Up your accumulator.
%%
URBANITY, n.  The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to
dwellers in all cities but New York.  Its commonest expression is
heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with
disregard of the rights of others.

    The owner of a powder mill
    Was musing on a distant hill --
        Something his mind foreboded --
    When from the cloudless sky there fell
    A deviled human kidney!  Well,
        The man's mill had exploded.
    His hat he lifted from his head;
    "I beg your pardon, sir," he said;
        "I didn't know 'twas loaded."
                                                               Swatkin
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Urban sprawl is the forest's prime evil!
%%
URB     Update Resume and Branch
%%
URCHIN
  Descriptive of a mischievous child, especially a boy, who has not
  destroyed any of your property. An urchin who *has* destroyed some
  of your property is more properly known as a "little bastard that
  I'm gonna lynch if I get my hands on him..."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Urge him with truth to frame his fair replies;
And sure he will: for Wisdom never lies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iii, Line 25
%%
 "Urinary Tract Infections" by I. Pease Eldom
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Urine: Opposite of you're out.
%%
URINE
  What, you want this prestigious journal to sink to the level of the
  gutter (or even the sewer), by resorting to getting a few cheap
  laughs by talking about matters pertaining to piss? By discussing
  discharge? By explaining excreta? Not a hope. But I will launch
  into a brief tirade of naughty words: BUM BUM BUM FARTY ANUS
  FORESKIN BUTTOCK!!
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
"Ursa Minor Beta is, some say, one of the most appalling places in the known
Universe.
Although it is excruciatingly rich, horrifyingly sunny and more full of
wonderfully exciting people than a pomegranate is of pips, it can hardly be
insignificant that when a recent edition of "Playbeing" magazine Headlined
an article with the words "When you are tired of Ursa Minor Beta you are
tired of life," the suicide rate there quadrupled overnight.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Usability is like oxygen -- you never notice it until it is missing...
%%
USAGE, n.  The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and
Third being Custom and Conventionality.  Imbued with a decent
reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to
produce books that will live as long as the fashion.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every
 four people make up 75% of the population.
 -- David Letterman
%%
USA Today--their slogan is: If you can't write, make a list.
 -- Barry Crimmins
%%
U.S. citizens and their dogs may have some of the most expensive
urine in the world.
 -- Carl A. Osborne, writing about American's obsession
 -- with taking vitamins in 'The Compendium North'
%%
Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don't rush; otherwise
 you'll look like a patchwork quilt.
 -- Lucille Ball
%%
Use an accordian, go to jail!  That's the law!
%%
Use an electric sander.
 -- There's more than one way to skin a cat: Way #27
%%
Use a smile.
%%
Use debugging compilers.
%%
Used Iraqi rifles for sale: Dropped once, never fired...
%%
Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Use every man after his desert, and who should 'scape whipping?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Use free-form input where possible.
%%
Usefulness is inversely proportional to reputation for being useful.
 -- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
%%
Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
%%
Use it or lose it.
%%
Use it up ... Wear it out.
 Make it do ... Or do without.
 -- US World War II Message
%%
Useless laws weaken the necessary laws.
 -- Charles de Secondat Montesquieu
%%
Use library functions.
%%
Use logic to decide between alternatives, not to initiate them.
%%
Use named constants instead of magic numbers buried in your program.
%%
Usenet is a way of being annoyed by people you
otherwise never would have met
%%
 Usenet is distributed network anarchy at its best---or worst,
   depending on what is posted on any particular day.
 -- David Fiedler
 -- in _Byte_
%%
Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive,
difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-
boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.
 -- Gene Spafford, 1992
%%
Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read.
 -- Anonymous
 -- Button from the Computer Museum, Boston, MA
%%
Usenet isn't a right. It's a right, a left, and a swift uppercut to the jaw.
 -- Anonymous
 -- Button from the Computer Museum, Boston, MA
%%
Usenet: it's not an obsession--it's just something I
have to do ALL the time.
%%
USENET: Post to exotic, distant machines.  Meet exciting, unusual people.
 And flame them.
 -- Dan Sorenson
%%
:USENET: /yoos'net/ or /yooz'net/ [from `Users' Network'] n.
   A distributed {bboard} (bulletin board) system supported mainly
   by UNIX machines.  Originally implemented in 1979--1980 by Steve
   Bellovin, Jim Ellis, Tom Truscott, and Steve Daniel at Duke
   University, it has swiftly grown to become international in scope
   and is now probably the largest decentralized information utility
   in existence.  As of early 1993, it hosts well over 1200
   {newsgroup}s and an average of 40 megabytes (the equivalent of
   several thousand paper pages) of new technical articles, news,
   discussion, chatter, and {flamage} every day.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Use no medicine in an illness
Incurred through no fault of your own.
It will pass of itself.
%%
Use only as directed.
%%
Use only at specified line voltage.
%%
Use only fuse or circuit breaker protected electrical power strips
 and do not daisy chain power strips.  i.e. do not plug one power strip
 into another power strip or into an extension cord.
%%
Use power to curb power.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
User
 a harmless drudge
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
User - a technical term used by computer pros. See idiot.
%%
User error.  It's not our fault.  Is not!  Is not!
 -- WindowError: 019
%%
USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
%%
User fell asleep while waiting.
 -- WindowError: 024
%%
:user-friendly: adj. Programmer-hostile.  Generally used by hackers in
   a critical tone, to describe systems that hold the user's hand so
   obsessively that they make it painful for the more experienced and
   knowledgeable to get any work done.  See {menuitis}, {drool-proof
   paper}, {Macintrash}, {user-obsequious}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
User friendly manuals aren't.
 -- Murphy's Eighth Law of Programming
%%
User-friendly:  Supplied with a full color manual.

Very user-friendly:  Supplied with an on-disk and audiotape tutorial, so the
user needn't bother with the full color manual.

Extremely user-friendly:  Supplied with a mouse so that the user needn't bother
with the on-disk and audiotape tutorial, the full color manual, or the
program itself.
%%
User Hostile
%%
 User:  My printer doesn't work. Where do I get a new one?
Admin:  Are you sure that all the connections are hooked up properly?
 User:  Oh, I haven't plugged it into the computer yet. Do I need to
        do that?
 -- Novice Computer User and Computer Administration/Help
%%
USER n.: A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
%%
USER, n.:
     The word computer professionals use when they mean idiot.
 -- Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top
%%
:user-obsequious: adj. Emphatic form of {user-friendly}.  Connotes
   a system so verbose, inflexible, and determinedly simple-minded
   that it is nearly unusable.  "Design a system any fool can use and
   only a fool will want to use it."  See {WIMP environment},
   {Macintrash}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
user %s fault:  addr=0x%x be=0x%x
%%
Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight.
%%
Users, losers -- what's the difference?
%%
... users of a tool are willing to meet you halfway; if you do ninety percent
 of the job, they will be ecstatic.
 -- Software Tools, p.136.
%%
Use soft words and hard arguments.
%%
Use spaces between the items in a statement to make it more readable.
%%
USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it
   when its not needed.
 -- Writing Rule 36
%%
Use the Force, Luke.
%%
Use the Force, Luke.   Feel it flow through your fingertips ...
%%
Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate;
and never where it isn't.
%%
Use the simplest solution which suffices.
%%
Use the Source, Luke!
%%
Use unleaded fuel only.
%%
Use what talents you possess: The woods would be very silent if no
birds sang there except those that sang best.
 -- Henry Van Dyke
%%
Use your own judgement then do as I say.
%%
Use your Turn Signals: if I were psychic, I'd have known not to be on
the road with you in the first place.
%%
Use your weaknesses; aspire to the strength.
 -- Laurence Olivier
%%
:USG UNIX: /U-S-G yoo'niks/ n. Refers to AT&T UNIX
   commercial versions after {Version 7}, especially System III and
   System V releases 1, 2, and 3.  So called because during most of
   the lifespan of those versions AT&T's support crew was called the
   `UNIX Support Group'.  See {BSD}, {{UNIX}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
USHER
  Formerly a person who would escort the audiences to their seats,
  cinema ushers are now relegated to clearing out the snogging
  teenagers in the back-row who haven't realised the film has ended.
  If you ever feel intimidated by over-zealous ushers, just look them
  in the eye and try to estimate how much more money you earn.(*)
      (*) If you don't, then accusing them of fascist leanings may be
  the correct course of action. Or not.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Ushers do it in the dark.
%%
/--------------------------------------------------------------------------\
 |     U.S Income Tax Calculation and Remittance Form       Taxation Year   |
 |     (Simplified)   Form #1990VEZ                              1991       |
 |--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
 |Line 1: How much money did you make last year?         |   $_______.___   |
 |--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
 |Line 2: 10% of Line 1                                  |   $_______.___   |
 |--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
 |Line 3:  Add Line 1 and Line 2 together                |   $_______.___   |
 |--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
 |Line 4:  Send in amount on Line 3                      |   $_______.___   |
 \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/
%%
Using a morning star in the evening has no effect.
%%
Using an IBM PC is like juggling straight razors.
 Using a Mac is like shaving with a bowling pin.
 -- Ted Nelson, _Computer Lib_
%%
Using GTF is like programming your VCR to tape
that important show while you're at the bowling league.
It takes some time and planning to set it up right, but
hey, you get to see your show!
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 9.0 Chapter 9.  The Generalized Trace Facility (GTF)
%%
Using PKZIP Version 2.04zzzzzzzzzzz
%%
Using the proverb frequently in their mouths who enter upon dangerous
and bold attempts, "The die is cast," he took the river.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caesar
%%
Using this fantastically, diabolically anti-me language... let them
just stay tuned in.
 -- President George Bush, on his China-policy critics
%%
Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
 -- S. C. Johnson
%%
Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast
beef.
 -- Tom Robbins
%%
U.S. Interstates which go north-south are numbered sequentially starting
from the west with odd numbers, and Interstates which go east-west
are numbered sequentially starting from the north with even numbers.
%%
U.S. money is the worst looking money in the world.
%%
Us nature mystics got to stick together.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
US out of North America, NOW
 -- Richard O'Rourke
%%
/usr/bin/fountain_of_youth: not found
%%
#!/usr/local/bin/perl -s-- -export-a-crypto-system-sig -RSA-in-3-lines-PERL
 ($k,$n)=@ARGV;$m=unpack(H.$w,$m."\0"x$w),$_=`echo "16do$w 2+4Oi0$d*-^1[d2%
 Sa2/d0<X+d*La1=z\U$n%0]SX$k"[$m*]\EszlXx++p|dc`,s/^.|\W//g,print pack('H*'
 ,$_)while read(STDIN,$m,($w=2*$d-1+length($n||die"$0 [-d] k n
")&~1)/2)
%%
/usr/news/gotcha
%%
Usually shooting a professor in the head ticks them off, but sometimes they'll
say 'Thank you.'
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress
requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
 -- Russell Baker
%%
Usually we praise only to be praised.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 146
%%
Usually, when we seek advice, what we are really searching for is a nice
 accomplice. Everyone sets out to do something, and everyone does something,
 but not everyone does what they set out to do.
%%
Usurer: A money-lender. He serves you in the present tense; he tends you in the
conditional mood; keeps you in the subjunctive; and ruins you in the future.
 -- Addison
%%
US/Western repression of sexual knowledge and expression has left our twelve
 year olds less capable to deal with sex, and this justifies repression of
 sexual knowledge and expression to our twelve year olds.
 -- Kent, our man from Xanth, commenting on the Netherland's
       new age of consent: 12
%%
UTF     Unwind Tape onto Floor
%%
U:      There's a U -- a Unicorn!
     Run right up and rub its horn.
        Look at all those points you're losing!
       UMBER HULKS are so confusing.
 -- The Roguelet's ABC
%%
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two,
opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
Utopia: 1987 wages, 1932 prices, 1910 taxes.
%%
Utopia has banned neurosis -Punishes illegal thought. The people
nurse, in static poses, Neurotic fears of being caught.
%%
:UTSL: // [UNIX] n. On-line acronym for `Use the Source, Luke' (a
   pun on Obi-Wan Kenobi's "Use the Force, Luke!" in "Star
   Wars") --- analogous to {RTFS} (sense 1), but more polite.  This
   is a common way of suggesting that someone would be better off
   reading the source code that supports whatever feature is causing
   confusion, rather than making yet another futile pass through the
   manuals, or broadcasting questions on USENET that haven't attracted
   {wizard}s to answer them.

   Once upon a time in {Elder Days}, everyone running UNIX had
   source.  After 1978, AT&T's policy tightened up, so this objurgation
   was in theory appropriately directed only at associates of some
   outfit with a UNIX source license.  In practice, bootlegs of UNIX
   source code (made precisely for reference purposes) were so
   ubiquitous that one could utter it at almost anyone on the network
   without concern.

   Nowadays, free UNIX clones are becoming common enough that almost
   anyone can read source legally.  The most widely distributed is
   probably Linux, with 386BSD (aka {jolix}) running second.  Cheap
   commercial UNIXes with source such as BSD/386 are accelerating this
   trend.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
UTS Tech Support is the root of all evil.
%%
Uttering a word is like striking a note on the keyboard of the
imagination.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein, Philosophical Investigations
%%
UUBR    Use Undefined Base Register
%%
:UUCPNET: n. The store-and-forward network consisting of all the
   world's connected UNIX machines (and others running some clone of
   the UUCP (UNIX-to-UNIX CoPy) software).  Any machine reachable only
   via a {bang path} is on UUCPNET.  See {network address}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
UUO (you-you-oh) [short for "Un-Used Operation"] n. A DEC-10 system
monitor call.  The term "Un-Used Operation" comes from the fact
that, on DEC-10 systems, monitor calls are implemented as invalid
or illegal machine instructions, which cause traps to the monitor
(see TRAP).  The SAIL manual describing the available UUO's has a
cover picture showing an unidentified underwater object.
[Note: DEC sales people have since decided that "Un-Used Operation"
sounds bad, so UUO now stands for "Unimplemented User Operation".]
Tenex and Twenex systems use the JSYS machine instruction (q.v.),
which is halfway between a legal machine instruction and a UUO,
since KA-10 Tenices implement it as a hardware instruction which
can be used as an ordinary subroutine call (sort of a "pure JSR").
%%
UXORIOUSNESS, n.  A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own
wife.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
VACANT
  Empty. Often descriptive of a house, flat, piece of land, mind,
  etc. The vacancy of houses, flats and land is usually advertised on
  big signs outside, and in newspapers. The vacancy of minds is
  advertised by a lack of understanding of even basic things such as
  gravity, a suitably vague sounding voice, and an annoying habit of
  "oh yeah, I agree with you totally right.. but..."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
VACATION:
A two-week binge of rest and relaxation so intense that it takes
another 50 weeks of your restrained workaday life-style to recuperate.
%%
Vacation for most of us means a couple of weeks with pay when we don't have
 to go to work, and during those two weeks, a couple of days when it does
 not rain.
%%
Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking
any longer.
 -- The Lion
%%
Vacation used to be a luxury, however, in today's world, it has become
a necessity.
%%
Vaccinated Time Travel:
 To fantasize about traveling backward in time, but only with
proper vaccinations.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Vacillating people seldom succeed. They seldom win the solid respect of
their fellow men. Successful men and women are very careful in reaching
decisions and very persistent and determined in action thereafter.
 -- L. G. Elliott
%%
VACUUM-CLEANER
  Men have traditionally said of vacuum-cleaners "what's that?" New
  men know what vacuum-cleaners are, even if they've never touched
  them in the flesh.
      The vacuum-cleaner is essentially a device designed to scare
  the shit out of the cat, give an impression that the carpet is
  clean, and fill its own bag just as you're about to vacuum a really
  dirty room because you are expecting guests to arrive five minutes
  ago.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Vacuum packed for freshness.
%%
Vacuum Tube - a derogatory term - see 'bubble memory'.
%%
:vadding: /vad'ing/ [from VAD, a permutation of ADV (i.e.,
   {ADVENT}), used to avoid a particular {admin}'s continual
   search-and-destroy sweeps for the game] n. A leisure-time activity
   of certain hackers involving the covert exploration of the
   `secret' parts of large buildings --- basements, roofs, freight
   elevators, maintenance crawlways, steam tunnels, and the like.  A
   few go so far as to learn locksmithing in order to synthesize
   vadding keys.  The verb is `to vad' (compare {phreaking}; see
   also {hack}, sense 9).  This term dates from the late 1970s,
   before which such activity was simply called `hacking'; the older
   usage is still prevalent at MIT.

   The most extreme and dangerous form of vadding is `elevator
   rodeo', a.k.a. `elevator surfing', a sport played by wrasslin'
   down a thousand-pound elevator car with a 3-foot piece of
   string, and then exploiting this mastery in various stimulating
   ways (such as elevator hopping, shaft exploration, rat-racing, and
   the ever-popular drop experiments).  Kids, don't try this at home!
   See also {hobbit} (sense 2).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VAGRANT
  One of those people who make you feel guilty (for not giving them
  money) and angry (for them bothering you in the first place) at the
  same time. Actually most vagrants in this city either keep
  themselves to themselves by being sleepy and smelly on street
  benches, or by cheerfully walking their way through inner-city
  streets with no shoes on, mumbling theories on modern civilisation.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Vain hopes are often like the dreams of those who wake.
 -- Quintilian (42-118 AD)
 -- Institutiones Oratoriae, i, vi, 2, 30
%%
Vain is the help of man.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lx, 11; cviii, 12
%%
Vain was the chief's the sage's pride!
They had no poet, and they died.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Odes, Book iv, Ode 9
%%
Vain wisdom all and false philosophy.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 565
%%
VALENTINE'S DAY
  The 14th of February. Every year on this day, any men who have
  forgotten the significance of the day report to casualty wards with
  their testicles in a small bag in their pocket.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Valeris: "A Bird of Prey?"
Spock: "A Bird of Prey."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "Aft thrusters."
Kirk: "Thank you, Lieuteant, one-quarter impulse power."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Valeris: "A lie?"
Spock: "An error."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "Captain, may I remind you that regulations specify thrusters only
  while in Spacedock?"
Uhura: ["Tsk, tsk."]
Spock: [Clears throat]
McCoy: "Jim..."
Kirk: "You heard the order, Lieutenant."
Valeris: "Aye, sir."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9521.6
%%
Valeris: "Captain, there is a supply of Romulan ale aboard.  It might make the
  evening pass more...smoothly?"
Kirk: "Officer thinking, Lieutenant."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Valeris: "Four-hundred years ago on the planet Earth, workers who felt their
  livelihood threatened by automation flung their wooden shoes, called 'sabot',
  into the machines to stop them."
Uhura and Chekov: [Look at each other dumbfoundedly]
Valeris: "Hence the word...'sabotage'."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "I did not fire.  You cannot prove anything."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "I do not understand this representation."
Spock: "It is a depiction from ancient Earth mythology.  The expulsion from
  Paradise."
Valeris: "Why keep it in your quarters?"
Spock: "It is a reminder to me that all things end."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Valeris: "It is of endings that I wish to speak.  Sir, I address you
as a  kindred intellect.  Do you not recognize that a turning point
has been reached  in the affairs of the Federation?" Spock: "Hmm.
 History is replete with turning points, Lieutenant.  You must have
 faith." Valeris: "'Faith'?" Spock: "That the universe will unfold
as this ship." Valeris: "But if that is logical, surely we must--"
Spock: "Logic, logic, logic...  Logic is the beginning of wisdom,
Valeris, not  the end."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Valeris: "I tried to tell you but you would not listen."
Spock: "Neither of us was hearing very well that night, Lieutenant.  There were
  things I tried to tell you, about having faith."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "'Klingons cannot be trusted.'  You said so yourself, they killed your
  son.  Did you not wish Gorkon dead?  'Let them die', you said.  Did I
  misinterpret you?  And you were right.  They conspired with us to assassinate
  their own chancellor.  How trustworthy can they be?"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "Suppose when they returned, they threw the boots into the refuse?"
Spock: "I'm having the refuse searched.  If my surmise is correct, those boots
  will cling to the killers' necks like a pair of Tiberian bats."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "We must inform Starfleet Command."
Scott: "Inform them of what?  A new weapon, that is invisible?  'Raving
  lunatics', that's what they'll call us.  They'll say that we're so desperate
  to exornerate the captain, that we'll say anything."
Spock: "And they would be correct.  We have no evidence.  Only a theory, which
  happens to fit the facts."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "You have betrayed the Federation...all of you!"
McCoy: "And what do you think you've been doing?"
Valeris: "Saving Starfleet!"
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Valeris: "You men have work."
Burke and Samno: "Yes, ma'am."
Valeris: "Then snap to it."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9522.6
%%
Valley girl, she's a valley girl ...
%%
VALOR, n.  A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's
hope.
    "Why have you halted?" roared the commander of a division and
Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge; "move forward, sir, at once."
    "General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am
persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring
them into collision with the enemy."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Valuable insights and your persuasive ability achieve results.
%%
Values are caught, not taught.
 -- Dobson
%%
Value yourself.  The only people who apprecaite a doormat are people
with dirty shoes.
 -- Leo F. Buscaglia
%%
Vamoose ya little varmint.
 -- Data
%%
Vampires are a pain in the neck.
%%
Vampires hate garlic.
%%
Vance's Rule of 2 1/2: Any military project will take twice as long
as planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted.
 -- Cyrus Vance
%%
 Vancouver Coast Guard, may I help you.  (Caller thinks they
 dialed long distance.)
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
VANDAL
  Vandals are people who have their brain surgically removed and then
  go around destroying, damaging and generally depreciating anything
  they feel like, just because they want to. Psychiatrists have
  described this behaviour as regression, and a primal act of
  defiance against society. Society reply that this is a load of
  bullshit, and that they, with their psychiatrists, should be lined
  up against a graffiti covered wall and shot.
      I worry about some of the people writing graffiti, actually.
  Quite apart from the odd desire to have their meaningless
  illiterate scribbles displayed for all the world to see, I can tell
  that the number of cool nicknames left available for use is
  obviously a problem. Opposite my local station, two people have
  sprayed their names: "Q-Kumba" and "Salads". Now, I hesitate to
  jump to conclusions, but I think that any society where today's
  rebels have to resort to fruit and vegetables to get their
  nicknames is a society that needs to eat more meat.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Vanilla and Proud
%%
:vanilla: [from the default flavor of ice cream in the U.S.] adj.
   Ordinary {flavor}, standard.  When used of food, very often does
   not mean that the food is flavored with vanilla extract!  For
   example, `vanilla wonton soup' means ordinary wonton soup, as
   opposed to hot-and-sour wonton soup.  Applied to hardware and
   software, as in "Vanilla Version 7 UNIX can't run on a
   vanilla 11/34."  Also used to orthogonalize chip nomenclature; for
   instance, a 74V00 means what TI calls a 7400, as distinct from
   a 74LS00, etc.  This word differs from {canonical} in that the
   latter means `default', whereas vanilla simply means `ordinary'.
   For example, when hackers go on a {great-wall}, hot-and-sour
   wonton soup is the {canonical} wonton soup to get (because that
   is what most of them usually order) even though it isn't the
   vanilla wonton soup.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vanity is quite often the greatest enemy of competence.
%%
VANITY, n.  The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

    They say that hens do cackle loudest when
        There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid;
        And there are hens, professing to have made
    A study of mankind, who say that men
    Whose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen
        Make the most clamorous fanfaronade
        O'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid
    They're not entirely different from the hen.
    Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,
        His blazing breeches and high-towering cap --
    Imperiously pompous, grandly bold,
        Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap!
    Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue
    Is that in battle he will never hurt you?
                                                     Hannibal Hunsiker
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Vanity of vanities,... all is vanity.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes i, 2; xii, 8
%%
:vannevar: /van'*-var/ n. A bogus technological prediction or a
   foredoomed engineering concept, esp. one that fails by implicitly
   assuming that technologies develop linearly, incrementally, and in
   isolation from one another when in fact the learning curve tends to
   be highly nonlinear, revolutions are common, and competition is the
   rule.  The prototype was Vannevar Bush's prediction of
   `electronic brains' the size of the Empire State Building with a
   Niagara-Falls-equivalent cooling system for their tubes and relays,
   a prediction made at a time when the semiconductor effect had
   already been demonstrated.  Other famous vannevars have included
   magnetic-bubble memory, LISP machines, {videotex}, and a paper
   from the late 1970s that computed a purported ultimate limit on
   areal density for ICs that was in fact less than the routine
   densities of 5 years later.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VANQUISH
  A word most commonly used in solemn ceremonies, usually of the form
  "Behold the devil, I now vanquish thee" in weird religious
  ceremonies or bad fantasy books. The amusing thing being that the
  speaker is generally of the mistaken belief that the use of a
  little Olde English will result in the demise of Satan for all
  eternity. "Oh no Earthlings, you have commanded me to be
  vanquished, so I must! Argghhh! You held up white candles! I'm done
  for!" It's far more likely to catch his notice, where-upon he
  proclaims "You must be joking, let's be having yer then", and drags
  the anguished soul down into hell.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:vaporware: /vay'pr-weir/ n. Products announced far in advance of
   any release (which may or may not actually take place).  See also
   {brochureware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VAPULATION
  A flogging. Still used by judges to avoid public outcry when they
  sentence prisoners to "three months jail and ten vapulations."
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
 Variables won't; constants aren't.
 -- Osborn's Law
%%
Variables won't.
 -- Troutman's Programming Postulate #5
%%
Varicose veins: Veins that are quite close to each other.
%%
Variety 's the very spice of life.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Line 606
%%
Various people with suicidal tendencies can even integrate elliptic functions.
%%
VARNISH
  What you promise yourself you'll do to that unfinished furniture
  you have bought. And still haven't done twenty years later when it
  begins to fall apart.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
  Varsh: That's not Alzarius.
  Romana: No, it's still Gallifrey.  If the Doctor's theory's right
         we'll need a local image translator to see what's out there.
  Adric: Or we could just look out through the door.
 -- Full Circle
%%
Vastly improved review and control will result by promoting the most
productive engineers to management positions.
 -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Vatican Rag! Gettin' ecstatic and sorta dramatic
Doin' the Vatican Rag!
Get in line in that processional.
Step into that small confessional
Where the man who's got religion'll
Tell you if you sin's original.
If it is try playin' it safer;
Drink the wine and chew the wafer.
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
Vault guards always make sure you aren't a shopkeeper.
%%
Vaulting ambition which o'erleaps itself.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
VAULT
  Like a basement, but more sinister.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
VAX: A machine for the 80's, and it still is.
%%
:VAXectomy: /vak-sek't*-mee/ [by analogy with `vasectomy'] n. A
   VAX removal.  DEC's Microvaxen, especially, are much slower than
   newer RISC-based workstations such as the SPARC.  Thus, if one knows
   one has a replacement coming, VAX removal can be cause for
   celebration.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:VAXen: /vak'sn/ [from `oxen', perhaps influenced by `vixen'] n.
   (alt. `vaxen') The plural canonically used among hackers for the
   DEC VAX computers.  "Our installation has four PDP-10s and twenty
   vaxen."  See {boxen}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VAX. For those who care enough to steal the very best.
 -- A microscopic message on the silicon chip inside
           one of Digital Equipment's often stolen computer
           designs.
%%
:vaxherd: n. /vaks'herd/ [from `oxherd'] A VAX operator.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:vaxism: /vak'sizm/ n. A piece of code that exhibits
   {vaxocentrism} in critical areas.  Compare {PC-ism},
   {unixism}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VAX     Violate All eXecutions
%%
VCR's are a way to defeat time.....
%%
VCR's exist to do our tv watching for us
%%
:vdiff: /vee'dif/ v.,n. Visual diff.  The operation of finding
   differences between two files by {eyeball search}.  The term
   `optical diff' has also been reported, and is sometimes more
   specifically used for the act of superimposing two nearly identical
   printouts on one another and holding them up to a light to spot
   differences.  Though this method is poor for detecting omissions in
   the `rear' file, it can also be used with printouts of graphics, a
   claim few if any diff programs can make.  See {diff}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VD is nothing to clap about.
%%
VDU - a STD similar to visual AIDS.
%%
Veal-fattening Pen:
 Small, cramped office workstation built of fabric-covered
disassemblable wall partitions and inhabited by junior staff members.
named after the small preslaughter vubicles used by the cattle
industry.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
:veeblefester: /vee'b*l-fes`tr/ [from the "Born Loser"
   comix via Commodore; prob. originally from "Mad" Magazine's
   `Veeblefeetzer' parodies ca. 1960] n. Any obnoxious person engaged
   in the (alleged) professions of marketing or management.  Antonym
   of {hacker}.  Compare {suit}, {marketroid}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vee off ze KGB are not ez slow ez you tink, comrade.
%%
Vegetables are murder.
%%
Vegetables have an unusual taste during the summer months, its uncanny if
 you ask me.
%%
Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with
wind and self-righteousness.
 -- Sir Robert Hutchinson (1871-1960)
%%
Vegetarians beware!  You are what you eat.
%%
Vegetarians who constantly carp at carnivores will die before the age
of 50.
%%
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures
another individual by accident.
%%
Vekma: "I may be back for you."
Riker: [To Klag]  "Is she serious?"
 -- "A Matter Of Honor", Stardate unknown
%%
Velleity (vuh-LEE-ity), n. A mere wish, unaccompanied by an effort to
obtain it.
%%
"Vell, Zaphod's chust zis guy, you know?" - Gag Halfrunt, Private Brain
Care Specialist".
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
VELOCITY
  Like speed, but more scientific-sounding.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
...Veloz is indistinguishable from hundreds of other electronics businesses
in the Valley, run by eager young engineers poring over memory dumps late
into the night.  The difference is that a bunch of self-confessed car nuts
are making money doing what they love: writing code and driving fast.
 -- Electronics puts its foot on the gas, IEEE Spectrum, May 88
%%
Velveeta is just another word for disgusting!
%%
Vendi, vidi, parenthesi -- I came, I saw, I programmed in Lisp!
 -- Dave W. Kimball
%%
Venerable men! you have come down to us from a former generation.
Heaven has bounteously lengthened out your lives, that you might behold
this joyous day.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Address on laying the Corner-Stone of the Bunker Hill Monument, 1825, p. 64
%%
Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs at one go.
 -- Truman Capote
%%
Venice once was dear,
The pleasant place of all festivity,
The revel of the earth, the masque of Italy.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 3
%%
Veni, Vidi, Hacki
[I came, I saw, I hacked]
%%
Veni, Vidi, VCR - I came, I saw, I taped
%%
VENI, VIDI, VICE - I came, I saw, I partied.
%%
Veni, vidi, vici [I came, I saw, I conquered].
 -- Gaius Julius Caesar (100-44 B.C.)
%%
Veni, vidi, Visa. (We came, we saw, we went shopping.)
 -- Jan Barrett
%%
VENI, VIPI, VICI - I came; I'm a very important person; I conquered.
%%
VENN DIAGRAM
  Diagram of circles and lines which gives you your only chance to
  use that plastic template for drawing anything other than random
  arcs and odd-looking futuristic cities.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:ventilator card: n. Syn. {lace card}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ventriloquists do it with ther mouths closed.
%%
VENTRILOQUIST
  Someone whose antics you get sick of after just a few minutes, and
  want to throw a bucket of water over just to see their dummy make
  blubbering noises.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Venture not to the utmost bounds of even lawful pleasure; the limits
of good and evil join.
 -- Fuller
%%
:verbage: /ver'b*j/ n. A deliberate misspelling and mispronunciation of
   {verbiage} that assimilates it to the word `garbage'.  Compare
   {content-free}.  More pejorative than `verbiage'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Verb doubling: a standard construction is to double a verb and use it
as a comment on what the implied subject does.   Often used to
terminate a conversation.  Typical examples involve WIN, LOSE,
HACK, FLAME, BARF, CHOMP:
      "The disk heads just crashed."  "Lose, lose."
 "Mostly he just talked about his --- crock.  Flame, flame."
   "Boy, what a bagbiter!  Chomp, chomp!"
%%
:verbiage: n. When the context involves a software or hardware
   system, this refers to {{documentation}}.  This term borrows the
   connotations of mainstream `verbiage' to suggest that the
   documentation is of marginal utility and that the motives behind
   its production have little to do with the ostensible subject.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Verbose, jocose, lachrymose, bellicose, coma.
 -- The Five stages of drunkness
%%
Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle10/30/88
 -- (reported in Esquire, 8/92 and the Los Angeles Times, 10/30/88)
%%
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
%%
        Verily and forsooth, replied Goodgulf darkly.    In the past
year strange and fearful wonders I have seen.   Fields sown with barley
reap crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their
artichoke hearts.  There has been a hot day in December and a blue
moon.  Calendars are made with a month of Sundays and a blue-ribbon
Holstein bore alive two insurance salesmen.  The earth splits and the
entrails of a goat were found tied in square knots.  The face of the
sun blackens and the skies have rained down soggy potato chips.

        But what do all these things mean? gasped Frito.

    Beats me, said Goodgulf with a shrug, but I thought it made
good copy.
 -- Harvard Lampoon, Bored of the Rings
%%
Verily it is said, there is nobody true revolutionaries hate so much as
the man who hints that paradise might be possible without the revolution.
Or, as Santayana put it: "fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts
when you have forgotten your aim".
%%
Verily, when the day of judgment comes,
we shall not be asked what we have read, but what we have done.
 -- Thomas A. Kempis
%%
Veronica : But Heather why can't we talk to different types of people
 Heather   : Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw,do I look like Mother
     Teresa ?
 -- Heathers
%%
Veronica: Lots of people drink   mineral water.  It's come a long way.
JD: Yeah, but this is Ohio.    If you don't have a brewski in your hand you
    might as well be wearing a skirt.
%%
Versatility is no crime, but it is a source of adrenaline.
%%
Verse sweetens toil, however rude the sound;
  She feels no biting pang the while she sings;
Nor, as she turns the giddy wheel around,
  Revolves the sad vicissitudes of things.
 -- Richard Gifford (1725-1807)
 -- Contemplation
%%
Version 1.0 - Buggier than Maine in June, eats data.
Version 1.1 - Eats data only occasionally, upgrades free to avoid litigation
by disgruntled users of Version 1.0.
Version 2.0 - Version originally planned as the first release [except for a
couple of data-eating bugs that just won't seem to go away], no free
upgrades or the company would go bankrupt.
Version 3.0 - The revision in the works when the company goes bankrupt.
%%
:Version 7: alt. V7 /vee' se'vn/ n. The 1978 unsupported release of
   {{UNIX}} ancestral to all current commercial versions.  Before
   the release of the POSIX/SVID standards, V7's features were often
   treated as a UNIX portability baseline.  See {BSD}, {USG UNIX},
   {{UNIX}}.  Some old-timers impatient with commercialization and
   kernel bloat still maintain that V7 was the Last True UNIX.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vertical - a green itch.
%%
vertical feet: what a mountaineer has on the ends of his legs when lying flat
on his back.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Vertigo is something other than fear of falling.  It is the voice
 of the emptyness below us...the desire to fall, against which,
 terrified, we defend ourselves.
 -- Milan Kundera
%%
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Very deep.  You should send that into Reader's Digest, they've got a page
for people like you.
 -- Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
%%
 (Very fast:)  Hi, this is 904-4344.  If you want to leave a
 message, please wait for the tone.  If you want to leave your
 name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your
 name, then press 6 and dial your number.  If you want to leave
 your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for
 extension 4443, then leave your name and message.  If you want
 to leave your number and the time you called, please press star
 twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Few really ask. On the
contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already
shaped in their own minds--justification, confirmation--forms of consolation
without which they can't go on. To really ask is to open the door to a
whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the questions and the questioner.
 -- Anne Rice
%%
Very few people are worshipping a golden calf, yet many of them are buying
 it a pound at a time at their local meat market.
%%
Very few people can afford to be poor.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both
 unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If
 you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something
 sweet and the feeling will pass.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
%%
Very frequently, when someone can not change their mind, it is an
indication of a lack of something to change.
%%
Very funny , Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
%%
Very interesting!
%%
Very large doses of radiation could release power hidden in your dormant genes.
%%
Very late in life, when he was studying geometry, some one said to
Lacydes, "Is it then a time for you to be learning now?" "If it is
not," he replied, "when will it be?"
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Lacydes, v
%%
    Very little is known about the War of 1812 because the
Americans lost it.
 -- Eric Nicol
%%
Very little life in a lifetime.
 -- Emerson.
%%
Very Shy: Pretends to go and comes back later when no one is around.
 -- Psychoanalysis through behavior at Urinals
%%
"very simple" said the blurb!
%%
Vessels large may venture more,
But little boats should keep near shore.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard's Almanac, 1757
%%
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
%%
Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force.  1990-1951.
 -- Seen on a button at an SF Convention
%%
Veteran speakers usually gesture vigorously and walk around. A moving
 target is harder to hit.
%%
Veterinarians drive like animals.
%%
VETO
  Device by which one absolute bastard can spoil the work of everyone
  else.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Vex not his ghost: O, let him pass! he hates him much
That would upon the rack of this tough world
Stretch him out longer.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Lear
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
:vgrep: /vee'grep/ v.,n. Visual grep.  The operation of finding
   patterns in a file optically rather than digitally (also called an
   `optical grep').  See {grep}; compare {vdiff}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vibrating cosmic waves
 Spirit electricity
 Kaleidoscopic treat
 In the endless sea.
 -- Bad Brains "She's Calling You"
%%
Vice is a monster of so frightful mien,
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 217
%%
Vice is its own reward.
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
Vice itself lost half its evil by losing all its grossness.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 332
%%
Vice President Dan Quayle has the capacity to restore this great nation to
 what it once was, an arctic region covered with ice. He has persistence
 beyond the call of talent.
%%
Vice President Dan Quayle is going to go to Camp David as soon as his
 mother gets the name tapes sewed into his clothing. Says he looks forward
 to camp experience.
%%
Vice President Dan Quayle is parking in handicapped spaces in Washington,
 and has not yet been arrested or given a ticket!
%%
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
Pago Pago, April 1989:

  [Pronounced "Pango Pango" by the natives and "Pogo Pogo" by Mr. Quayle.]
%%
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
Prince William Sound, Alaska, May 1989
[Remarks to oil spill clean-up workers]:

  "It's a very valuable function and requirement that you're performing,
   so have a great day and keep a stiff upper lip."

  "The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him
   when I arrive."
%%
Vice President Dan Quayle says he loves to travel to Africa and wants to
 see the Amazon River when he is there. He is planning to do these things
 the next time he is invited to Toronto.
%%
Vice President Dan Quayle says he never really wanted to be a Republican,
 he just wanted to live like one.
%%
Vice President Dan Quayle wants to do something significant, and in his
 quest to accomplish this he went to the morgue in Washington recently and
 announced that he was ready. If anyone ever puts a price on his head, he
 should take it.
%%
Vice President Dan Quayle won't be in the Office today, since his wife was
 sick and there was no one else available to dress him.
%%
Vice President Quayle is a leading candidate for an award, as best actor in
 a still photograph.
%%
Vice repeated like the wandering wind, blows dust in others' eyes.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Vice stings us even in our pleasures, but virtue consoles us, even
in our pains.
 -- Colton
%%
Vice versa - poems about brothels?
%%
Vicissitudes of fortune, which spares neither man nor the proudest
of his works, which buries empires and cities in a common grave.
 -- Edward Gibbon (1737-1794)
 -- Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (1776), Chap. lxxi
%%
Victory finds a hundred fathers, but failure is an orphan.
%%
Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed wealth
who has the financial sources to convince the middle class and poor that he
will be on their side.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
 -- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)
%%
Victory has a hundred memories but defeat has amnesia.
 -- W.I.E. Gates
%%
Victory is a political fiction.
%%
Victory is a thing of the will.
%%
Victory or defeat!
%%
"Video Game Parlors" by R. Kade
%%
"Video Killed the Radio Star" was the very first video ever played on MTV.
%%
:videotex: n. obs. An electronic service offering people the
   privilege of paying to read the weather on their television screens
   instead of having somebody read it to them for free while they
   brush their teeth.  The idea bombed everywhere it wasn't
   government-subsidized, because by the time videotex was practical
   the installed base of personal computers could hook up to
   timesharing services and do the things for which videotex might
   have been worthwhile better and cheaper.  Videotex planners badly
   overestimated both the appeal of getting information from a
   computer and the cost of local intelligence at the user's end.
   Like the {gorilla arm} effect, this has been a cautionary tale
   to hackers ever since.  See also {vannevar}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vidi, vici, veni!
 -- Don Juan
%%
Vidi, vici, veni.
 (I saw, I conquered, I came.)
%%
Vietnam is a jungle. You had jungle warfare. Kuwait, Iraq, Saudi Arabia,
you have sand.  [There is no need to worry about a protracted war because]
from a historical basis, Middle East conflicts do not last a long time.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/2/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Vietnam.
 -- Spiro Agnew
%%
Vigilia pretium libertatis.
[Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.]
%%
 VIII. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
 -- Laws of Computer Programming
%%
 VII. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the
 capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
 -- Laws of Computer Programming
%%
vi is a much better editor than this emacs.
I know I'll get flamed for this but the truth has to be said.
 -- Jesper Lauridsen
[vim is much better than vi.]
 -- Antonio
%%
Vila: "I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life."
Orac: "It is unlikely.  I would predict there are far greater mistakes
waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it."
%%
Vila: "This is stupid."
Avon: "When did that ever stop us?"
%%
VILLAGE
  Word now almost exclusively used in tourist brochures just after
  the adjectives "enchanting" and "traditional". And possibly
  "quaint". Generally descriptive of a small settlement with more
  churches than shops, which gets boring rapidly, despite being
  picturesque.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Villain and he be many miles asunder.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 5
%%
Villian, thou know'st no law of God or man; No beast so fierce, but
knows some touch of pity.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
VINCE Meat Pie.
 -- Jeffrey's favorite recipes
%%
Vincent loves Catherine [in heart]
%%
"Violence accomplishes nothing."  What a contemptible lie!  Raw, naked
violence has settled more issues throughout history than any other method
ever employed. Perhaps the city fathers of Carthage could debate the
issue, with Hitler and Alexander as judges?
%%
Violence always settles everything.
%%
Violence in reality is quite different from theory.
 -- Spock, "The Cloud Minders," stardate 5818.4.
%%
Violence is a sword that has no handle -- you have to hold the blade.
%%
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
 -- Salvor Hardin, in Isaac Asimov's "Foundation"
%%
Violence is the last word of the illiterate. Also the first.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Violence never settles anything.
 -- Genghis Khan (1162-1227)
%%
Violence on television only affects children whose parents act
like television personalities.
%%
Violent, more violent, his hands cracks the chair
 Moves on reaction, and slumps in despair
 -- Joy Division "I Remember Nothing"
%%
Violent, televised hockey is the chief cause of prison riots in this
 country. Think about it: You're a convict sitting in your cell at the
 federal penitentiary watching a hockey player on TV get a two-minute
 penalty. You're serving seventeen years for the same offense.
 -- Jeff Cesario
%%
Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that
 brunette becomes a good color for flowers.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Violinists can stick it under their chin.
%%
Violinists do it with long strokes.
%%
:virgin: adj. Unused; pristine; in a known initial state.  "Let's
   bring up a virgin system and see if it crashes again."  (Esp.
   useful after contracting a {virus} through {SEX}.)  Also, by
   extension, buffers and the like within a program that have not yet
   been used.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VIRGINIA:
A group of beautifully mounted hunters galloping behind
baying hounds in pursuit of a union organizer.
%%
Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the
yard.
%%
Virginia prohibits that any person willfully and negligently
permit any unhaltered horse of the age of more than one year
to accompany him into any place of public worship.
%%
Virginity can be cured.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
Virginity can be cured.  Pledge now.  Give until it hurts.
%%
Virginity can be lost by a thought.
 -- St. Jerome (340?-420)
%%
Virginity has it's own rewards - loneliness.
%%
Virginity is a bubble on the sea of life,
which takes but one prick to break.
 -- Jordan Sand
%%
Virgin, n.:
   An ugly third grader.
%%
Virgin Runway:
 A travel destination chosen in the hopes that no one else has
chosen it.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to
count to ten without using your fingers.  Be careful dressing this morning. You
may be hit by a car later in the day and you wouldn't want to be taken to the
doctor's office in some of that old underwear you own. You are the logical type
and hate disorder.  This nitpicking is sickening to your friends.  You are cold
and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love.  Virgos make good
bus drivers.
%%
VIRGO    August 23 - September 22
You are very methodical and do things in order.  On the other hand,
your personal appearance is usually a mess.  You think of yourself as
discriminating, while others think of you as cheap and selfish.  You
are amoral.
%%
Virtual Disk - very nearly a storage device.
%%
:virtual Friday: n. (also `logical Friday') The last day before
   an extended weekend, if that day is not a `real' Friday.  For
   example, the U.S. holiday Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday.
   The next day is often also a holiday or taken as an extra day off,
   in which case Wednesday of that week is a virtual Friday (and
   Thursday is a virtual Saturday, as is Friday).  There are also
   `virtual Mondays' that are actually Tuesdays, after the three-day
   weekends associated with many national holidays in the U.S.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Virtual is its own reward.
%%
Virtual means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
%%
VIRTUAL MEMORY: Memory that exists in effect, but not in fact; the
usage is similar to that of the virtual particle in physics, the
difference being that a virtual particle probably does exist but
soon won't, while virtual memory probably doesn't but soon will.
%%
VIRTUAL REALITY
  Another one of those concepts that no-one over 45 really
  understands. See also: Information superhighway, Interactive TV.
  [Actually, come to think of it, *I* don't really understand all of
  these.]
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
VIRTUAL REALITY BREAKTHROUGH
The NASA Ames Research Center have announced a breakthrough in Virtual
Reality. They have simulated the entire world within a computer. This is
the second attempt. The first time, they fed in all the information
about the world into the computer, data containing every detail about
the planet, and the behaviour and characteristics of the people who live
on it, what happens, where; everything. They ran the computer simulation
at high-speed for several months before simulated pollution an
simulated UV-rays killed every simulated thing on the simulated face of
the simulated earth. The programmers looked for bugs, but couldn't find
any.
    This second attempt has resulted in a "nice" world to live in.
world without oppression, crime, anger and hunger. And it only cost $43
million billion to generate. Thank goodness the money is being spent on
something peaceful.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
:virtual reality: n. 1. Computer simulations that use 3-D graphics
   and devices such as the Dataglove to allow the user to interact
   with the simulation.  See {cyberspace}.  2. A form of network
   interaction incorporating aspects of role-playing games,
   interactive theater, improvisational comedy, and `true confessions'
   magazines.  In a virtual reality forum (such as USENET's
   alt.callahans newsgroup or the {MUD} experiments on Internet),
   interaction between the participants is written like a shared novel
   complete with scenery, `foreground characters' that may be
   personae utterly unlike the people who write them, and common
   `background characters' manipulable by all parties.  The one
   iron law is that you may not write irreversible changes to a
   character without the consent of the person who `owns' it.
   Otherwise anything goes.  See {bamf}, {cyberspace}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:virtual shredder: n. The jargonic equivalent of the {bit bucket}
   at shops using IBM's VM/CMS operating system.  VM/CMS officially
   supports a whole bestiary of virtual card readers, virtual
   printers, and other phantom devices; these are used to supply some
   of the same capabilities UNIX gets from pipes and I/O redirection.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:virtual: [via the technical term `virtual memory', prob. from
   the term `virtual image' in optics] adj. 1. Common alternative
   to {logical}; often used to refer to the artificial objects
   (like addressable virtual memory larger than physical memory)
   created by a computer system to help the system control access to
   shared resources.  2. Simulated; performing the functions of
   something that isn't really there.  An imaginative child's doll may
   be a virtual playmate.  Oppose {real}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Virtue can only flourish amongst equals.
 -- Mary Wollstonecraft
%%
Virtue could see to do what virtue would
By her own radiant light, though sun and moon
Were in the flat sea sunk. And Wisdom's self
Oft seeks to sweet retired solitude,
Where with her best nurse Contemplation
She plumes her feathers and lets grow her wings,
That in the various bustle of resort
Were all-to ruffled, and sometimes impair'd.
He that has light within his own clear breast
May sit i' th' centre and enjoy bright day;
But he that hides a dark soul and foul thoughts
Benighted walks under the midday sun.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 373
%%
Virtue does not always demand a heavy sacrifice --
only the willingness to make it when necessary.
 -- Frederick Dunn
%%
Virtue has never been as respectable as money.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Virtue is a relative term.
 -- Spock, "Friday's Child," stardate 3499.1.
%%
Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Virtue is insufficient temptation.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Virtue is its own punishment.
 -- Denniston's Law
%%
Virtue is its own revenge.
 -- E. Y. Harburg
%%
Virtue is its own reward, but then so is sin!
%%
Virtue is its own reward.
 -- Phyllis Schlafly
%%
Virtue is its own reward.  There's a pleasure in doing good which
sufficiently pays itself.
 -- Sir John Vanbrugh, The Relapse
%%
Virtue is like a rich stone,--best plain set.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Beauty
%%
Virtue is like precious odours,--most fragrant when they are incensed
or crushed.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Adversity
%%
Virtue is more to be feared than vice because its
excesses are not regulated by conscience
%%
Virtue is not left to stand alone.
He who practices it will have neighbors.
 -- Confucius
%%
Virtue is not malicious; wrong done her
Is righted even when men grant they err.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Monsieur D'Olive, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Virtue is the failure to achieve vice.
 -- Armor's Axiom
%%
Virtue itself often offends when coupled with bad manners.
 -- Middleton
%%
Virtue, perhaps, is nothing more than politeness of soul.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
Virtue she finds too painful an endeavour,
Content to dwell in decencies forever.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 163
%%
VIRTUES, n.pl.  Certain abstentions.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Virtuous and vicious every man must be,--
Few in the extreme, but all in the degree.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 231
%%
Virus - A program designed for maximum portability...
%%
Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The
            virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically
            be closed and the virus will be activated again.
 -- WindowError: 042
%%
Virus scanner: "DOS" found.  Remove? (Y)
%%
VISA LA FRANCE - Don't leave chateau without it.
%%
:visionary: n. 1. One who hacks vision, in the sense of an
   Artificial Intelligence researcher working on the problem of
   getting computers to `see' things using TV cameras.  (There isn't
   any problem in sending information from a TV camera to a computer.
   The problem is, how can the computer be programmed to make use of
   the camera information?  See {SMOP}, {AI-complete}.)  2. [IBM]
   One who reads the outside literature.  At IBM, apparently, such a
   penchant is viewed with awe and wonder.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
Visions of glory, spare my aching sight!
Ye unborn ages, crowd not on my soul!
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, III, 1, Line 11
%%
Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
 -- Japanese proverb
%%
Vision without work is daydreaming.
Work without vision is drudgery.
Vision and work together is success.
%%
Visit beautiful Vergas, Minnesota.
%%
Visit beautiful Wisconsin Dells.
%%
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between
 the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
 -- In a hotel in Athens
%%
Visitors are requested not to apply genocide to shopkeepers.
%%
Visit Our Planetarium, You Tiny, Insignificant Speck in the Universe.
 -- A billboard for Boston's Charles Hayden Planetarium
 -- at the Museum of Science
%%
Visits always bring joy - if not in the arrival, surely in the departure!
%%
Visit Wall Drug Wall, South Dakota
%%
Visit your aunt, but not every day; and call at your brother's, but not
 every night.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Visit your mother today.  Maybe she hasn't had any problems lately.
%%
Visualize using your turn signal.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by
spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you
can't find them.
 -- Fifth Law of Office Murphology
%%
Vital spark of heavenly flame!
Quit, O quit this mortal frame!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dying Christian to his Soul
%%
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
%%
VITUPERATION, n.  Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as
suffer from an impediment in their wit.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Viva La Ramen Noodles!
%%
Vivere est cogitare.

[To think is to live.]
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
vive, valeque - life and health to you
%%
:vi: /V-I/, *not* /vi:/ and *never* /siks/ [from
   `Visual Interface'] n. A screen editor crufted together by Bill Joy
   for an early {BSD} release.  Became the de facto standard
   UNIX editor and a nearly undisputed hacker favorite outside of MIT
   until the rise of {EMACS} after about 1984.  Tends to frustrate
   new users no end, as it will neither take commands while expecting
   input text nor vice versa, and the default setup provides no
   indication of which mode the editor is in (one correspondent
   accordingly reports that he has often heard the editor's name
   pronounced /vi:l/).  Nevertheless it is still widely used (about
   half the respondents in a 1991 USENET poll preferred it), and even
   EMACS fans often resort to it as a mail editor and for small
   editing jobs (mainly because it starts up faster than the bulkier
   versions of EMACS).  See {holy wars}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vladimir Nabokov was a writer who cared nothing for music and whose favorite
sport was the pursuit, capture, and murder of butterflies. This explains many
things; for example, the fact that Nabokov's novels, for all their elegance
and wit, resemble nothing so much as butterflies pinned to a board: pretty but
dead; symmetrical but stiff.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
  vlds - very long drum solo (musical term)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
VLSI:  "Getting High On Low Voltage"
%%
VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use Unix.
 -- Bill Davidsen (davidsen@crdos1.crd.GE.COM)
%%
VMS is like a nightmare about RXS-11M.
%%
VMS is like a Soviet railroad train.  It's basically industrial-strength,
but when you look at it closely, everything's a little more shabby than
you might like.  It gets the job done, but there's no grace to it.
%%
VMS isn't an operating system, it's a playpen for DEC system programmers.
 -- Herb Blashtfalt
%%
:VMS: /V-M-S/ n. DEC's proprietary operating system for its VAX
   minicomputer; one of the seven or so environments that loom largest
   in hacker folklore.  Many UNIX fans generously concede that VMS
   would probably be the hacker's favorite commercial OS if UNIX
   didn't exist; though true, this makes VMS fans furious.  One major
   hacker gripe with VMS concerns its slowness --- thus the following
   limerick:

        There once was a system called VMS
        Of cycles by no means abstemious.
             It's chock-full of hacks
             And runs on a VAX
        And makes my poor stomach all squeamious.
                                         --- The Great Quux

   See also {VAX}, {{TOPS-10}}, {{TOPS-20}}, {{UNIX}}, {runic}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VM system programmers do it virtually all the time
%%
VNO     Violate Noise Ordinance
%%
Vodka is the best way to cook potatoes. You get all the flavor of
the potato and don't even have to put in your false teeth.
 -- Albert Engstrom
%%
"Vogon Constructor Fleets.  Here is what to do if you want to get a lift from
a Vogon: forget it.  They are one of the most unpleasant races in the Galaxy--
not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous.  They
wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous
Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent
back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and
finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his
throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the
Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry at you."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
"Vogon poetry is of course the third worst in the Universe.  The second worst
is that of the Azgoths of Kria.  During a recitation by the Poet Master
Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found
in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal
hemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council
survived by gnawing one of his own legs off.  Grunthos is reported to have been
"disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading
of his twelve-book epic entitled "My Favorite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own
major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save life and civilization, leaped
straight up through his neck and throttled his brain."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Vogon poetry makes you want to gnaw on your toes!
%%
Vogon spaceships don't look as if they had been designed so much as
 congealed.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
 Voice 1:  Answer the phone, please, Hal.
 Voice 2:  I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
 Voice 1:  Gee, Dave, what do you feel like doing tonight?
 Voice 2:  Same thing we do every night, Rob...  Try to take over
 the world!  (Sing:)
 They're David and the Rob,
 Yes, David and the Rob,
 One is a drummer, the other needs a job.
 They're not at home right now, so please don't have a cow,
 Leave a message -- for David and the Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
Voiceless it cries,
Wingless flutters,
Toothless bites,
Mouthless mutters.
%%
:voice-net: n. Hackish way of referring to the telephone system,
   analogizing it to a digital network.  USENET {sig block}s not
   uncommonly include the sender's phone next to a "Voice:" or
   "Voice-Net:" header; common variants of this are "Voicenet" and
   "V-Net".  Compare {paper-net}, {snail-mail}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VOICE OVER: As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur
            and his knights seemed hopeless,  when, suddenly ... the animator
            suffered a fatal heart attack.
ANIMATOR:   Aaaaagh!
VOICE OVER: The cartoon peril was no more ... The Quest for Holy Grail could
            continue.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
:voice: vt. To phone someone, as opposed to emailing them or
   connecting in {talk mode}.  "I'm busy now; I'll voice you later."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
'Volatile' and 'Register' are not miscible.
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
Volcano - a mountain with hiccups.
%%
Volcanos have a grandeur that is grim
And earthquakes only terrify the dolts,
And to him who's scientific
There is nothing that's terrific
In the pattern of a flight of thunderbolts!
 -- William S. Gilbert (1836-1911), "The Mikado"
%%
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
%%
Volume in drive A is too loud.
%%
Volume is a defense to error.
 -- Richard A. Leahy
%%
Voluntary addiction to drugs is a reoccurring theme is many cultures.
 -- Data, "Symbiosis", stardate unknown
%%
VOLUNTARY
  Descriptive of an action which you are doing purely because you
  have been embarrassed into it.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Voluntary retreat brings good fortune to the superior man
And downfall to the inferior man.
%%
VOLUNTEER SUBJECT: A college sophomore who, of his or her own free
will, is allowed to choose between participating in an experiment
or failing a course.
%%
:voodoo programming: [from George Bush's "voodoo economics"] n.
   The use by guess or cookbook of an {obscure} or {hairy} system,
   feature, or algorithm that one does not truly understand.  The
   implication is that the technique may not work, and if it doesn't,
   one will never know why.  Almost synonymous with {black magic},
   except that black magic typically isn't documented and
   *nobody* understands it.  Compare {magic}, {deep magic},
   {heavy wizardry}, {rain dance}, {cargo cult programming},
   {wave a dead chicken}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Voodoo Programming: Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work
but they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work, such as
recompiling everything.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
"Voom????  That parrot wouldn't voom if you put 4000 volts through
him. It's bleedin' demised...  This parrot is no more.      It has ceased
to be.   It's expired and gone to meet his maker. It's a stiff - bereft
of life, it rests in peace.  If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, it
would have been pushing up the daisies.  It's off the twig. It's
shuffled off this mortal coil.        It's run down the curtain and joined
the bleedin' choir invisible.  It's f**king snuffed it!  Vis-a-vis the
metabolic processes, it's had it's lot. All statements to the effect
that this parrot is still a going concern are henceforth inoperative.
This is an EX-parrot."
 -- Classic Python: who can possibly forget the Parrot Sketch?
%%
                          (####)
                        (#######)
                      (#########)
                     (#########)
                    (#########)
                   (#########)
   __&__          (#########)
  /     \        (#########)   |\/\/\/|     /\ /\  /\               /\
 |       |      (#########)    |      |     | V  \/  \---.    .----/  \----.
 |  (o)(o)       (o)(o)(##)    |      |      \_        /       \          /
 C   .---_)    ,_C     (##)    | (o)(o)       (o)(o)  <__.   .--\ (o)(o) /__.
  | |.___|    /____,   (##)    C      _)     _C         /     \     ()     /
  |  \__/       \     (#)       | ,___|     /____,   )  \      >   (C_)   <
  /_____\        |    |         |   /         \     /----'    /___\____/___\
 /_____/ \       OOOOOO        /____\          ooooo             /|    |\
/         \     /      \      /      \        /     \           /        \

Homer          Marge           Bart            Lisa            Baby Maggie

                                THE SIMPSONS
%%
Vote Anarchist!
%%
Vote as an individual; lemmings end up falling off cliffs. Camaraderie is no
substitute for common sense, and being your own man will make you sleep better.
 -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
Vote early and vote often.
 -- Al Capone (1899-1947)
%%
Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
 TAX-DEFERRED!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
VOTE, n.  The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a
fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Voter's Block:
 The attempt, however futile, to register dissent with the
current political system by simply not voting.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Voters do not decide issues. They decide *who* will decide issues.
 -- George F. Will, in "Newsweek", 1976
%%
Voters quickly forget what a man says.
 -- Richard Nixon
%%
Voters to decide whether to vote!
 -- Headline
%%
Voters want a fraud they can believe in.
 -- Will Durst
%%
Vote Skywalker/Solo for '96.
%%
Voting in this election is like trying to decide which street mime to stop
 and watch.
 -- A. Whitney Brown
%%
Voting is the first duty of a democracy.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson, former U.S. President
%%
Voting is the least arduous of a citizen's duties.  He has the prior and
harder duty of making up his mind.
 -- Ralph Barton Perry
%%
Vows with so much passion, swears with so much grace,
That 't is a kind of heaven to be deluded by him.
 -- Nathaniel Lee (1655-1692)
 -- Alexander the Great, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
VPA     Vanishing Point Arithmetic
%%
:VR: // [MUD] n. On-line abbrev for {virtual reality}, as
   opposed to {RL}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
VS LBH PNA'G ERNQ GUVF, LBH NER CEBONOYL ABG N PBZCHGVFG.
 -- not too difficult to solve, it is self-referential. [Antonio]
%%
VU-JADE
The feeling that you've *never* been in this situation before.
%%
Vuja De
The Feeling You've Never Been Here.
%%
Vuja De
The strange feeling you get that nothing has happened before.
%%
:Vulcan nerve pinch: n. [from the old "Star Trek" TV series via
   Commodore Amiga hackers] The keyboard combination that forces a
   soft-boot or jump to ROM monitor (on machines that support such a
   feature).  On many micros this is Ctrl-Alt-Del; on Suns, L1-A; on
   some Macintoshes, it is <Cmd>-<Power switch>!  Also called
   {three-finger salute}.  Compare {quadruple bucky}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vulcans believe peace should not depend on force.
 -- Amanda, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.3.
%%
Vulcans do not approve of violence.
 -- Spock, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.4.
%%
Vulcans have less fun.
%%
Vulcans never bluff.
 -- Spock, "The Doomsday Machine," stardate 4202.1.
%%
Vulcans worship peace above all.
 -- McCoy, "Return to Tomorrow," stardate 4768.3.
%%
Vulgarity: The conduct of others.
%%
:vulture capitalist: n. Pejorative hackerism for `venture
   capitalist', deriving from the common practice of pushing contracts
   that deprive inventors of control over their own innovations and
   most of the money they ought to have made from them.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.
%%
VVM     Vaporise Virtual Memory
%%
     ___         v             v v              ___
    <*,*>      <*,*>          <*,*>            <`,'>
    [`-']      [`-']          [`-']            [`-']
    -"-"-      -"-"-          -"-"-            -"-"-
     owl      punk owl   owl with antlers   chinese owl
%%
                   v  ~.      v
          v           /|
                     / |          v
              v     /__|__
                  \--------/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`~~~~~~'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
%%
:wabbit: /wab'it/ [almost certainly from Elmer Fudd's immortal
   line "You wascawwy wabbit!"] n. 1. A legendary early hack
   reported on a System/360 at RPI and elsewhere around 1978; this may
   have descended (if only by inspiration) from hack called RABBITS
   reported from 1969 on a Burroughs 55000 at the University of
   Washington Computer Center.  The program would make two copies of
   itself every time it was run, eventually crashing the system.
   2. By extension, any hack that includes infinite self-replication
   but is not a {virus} or {worm}.  See {fork bomb} and
   {rabbit job}, see also {cookie monster}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wacka! wacka! wacka!
 -- Fozzie Bear
%%
W.A.C.O, acronym, Washington Approved Cook Out
%%
Waco means the government can kill anyone
it doesn't like and get a 94% approval rating.
 -- Jeff Chan
%%
WADE
  A modified version of swimming for when you either just don't feel
  like actual swimming, have a paranoid fear of sharks or man-eating
  tuna, or have happened to arrive at the beach with a severe lack of
  bathing apparatus.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Wadsworth: "I'm meerly the Butler."
Col. Mustard: "So what do you do?"
Wadsworth: "I buttle."
 -- Clue
%%
WAD: Walk Away in Disgust
%%
Waffle softly and talk a bit slick.
%%
Wafting zephyrs had quit vexing Jack.
 -- C. C. Bombaugh (Shortest English sentence containing all 26
letters, paraphrased)
%%
WAF: Warn After the Fact
%%
Wagner did it for hours.
%%
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
Wah! Devil machine make numbers come out! With text! In tabular report
format! Computers! Bad juju!
%%
waist band: group of paunchy musicians.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Wait a minute, Officer, you're a public servant. Go get me a beer!
%%
Wait and hope.
 -- A White House official,
 -- describing the president's economic plan, November 1990.
 -- On the backup plan
``There isn't one.''
%%
Wait! Don't be mad! It's a Python song! A Python S#%&*()t~NO CARRIER
%%
Waiter! Check please!
%%
Waiter: How did you find your steak, sir?
Diner:  Quite by accident. I moved a few peas, and there it
  was.
%%
Waiter, I'll have what the guy writhing on the floor had.
%%
Waiters and waitresses do it for tips.
%%
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
 1st customer: "I'll have tea."
 2nd customer: "Me, too -- and be sure the glass is clean!"
         (Waiter exits, returns)
 Waiter: "Two teas.  Which one asked for the clean glass?"
%%
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup. Not for long sir, note the spider on the
 rim of the bowl.
%%
Waiter--there's a feature in my soup!
%%
Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!
 -- Kermit the frog
%%
WAITER! there's soup in my fly!
%%
Waiter: Unemployed actor.
%%
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my dessert! I know, it's the rotten fruit
 that attracts them. You should freshen up before you come in here.
%%
Wait for further instructions....
%%
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.
 -- Pericles
%%
Wait for those unguarded moments. Relax the mood, and, like the child
 dropping off to sleep, the subject often reveals his truest self.
 -- Barbara Walters
%%
Wait! I feel the power of... the Schwartz!
%%
Wait! I'll be right down! Save me a couple of glasses of it!
%%
Wait, I'll be right over! Save me a couple pitchers of it!
%%
Wait .... I'm thinking ....
%%
Waiting at meat and drink.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
%%
Waiting for Godogma.
%%
Waiting for my '$99.95 dBase offer' from Borland!
%%
Waiting for somedough.
%%
Waiting for Spring Takes a Long Time.
%%
Waiting for the winds of change to sweep the clouds away.
Waiting for the rainbow's end to cast its gold your way.
Countless ways, you pass the days.

Waiting for someone to come and turn your world around.
Looking for an answer to the questions you have found.
Looking for an open door.

Well, you don't get something for nothing.
You can't have freedom for free.
You won't get wise with the sleep still in your eyes,
No matter what your dream might be.
 -- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
Waiting. If you are sincere,
You have light and success.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
%%
Waiting in blood.
Get out of the pit.
%%
Waiting in the meadow.
It furthers one to abide in what endures.
No blame.
%%
Waiting in the mud
Brings about the arrival of the enemy.
%%
Waiting is.
 -- R.A. Heinlein, 'Stranger in a Strange Land'
%%
Waiting on the sand.
There is some gossip.
The end brings good fortune.
%%
Wait..  is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Wait!  I thought you were blind!
 -- Luke (Star Wars)
%%
Wait! Let me rephrase that ...
%%
WAITRESSES do it with chopsticks
%%
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.
%%
Waitress! (glare)  This roadkill is not properly aged!
%%
:WAITS:: /wayts/ n. The mutant cousin of {{TOPS-10}} used on a
   handful of systems at {{SAIL}} up to 1990.  There was never an
   `official' expansion of WAITS (the name itself having been arrived
   at by a rather sideways process), but it was frequently glossed as
   `West-coast Alternative to ITS'.  Though WAITS was less visible
   than ITS, there was frequent exchange of people and ideas between
   the two communities, and innovations pioneered at WAITS exerted
   enormous indirect influence.  The early screen modes of {EMACS},
   for example, were directly inspired by WAITS's `E' editor --- one
   of a family of editors that were the first to do `real-time
   editing', in which the editing commands were invisible and where
   one typed text at the point of insertion/overwriting.  The modern
   style of multi-region windowing is said to have originated there,
   and WAITS alumni at XEROX PARC and elsewhere played major roles in
   the developments that led to the XEROX Star, the Macintosh, and the
   Sun workstations.  {Bucky bits} were also invented there ---
   thus, the ALT key on every IBM PC is a WAITS legacy.  One notable
   WAITS feature seldom duplicated elsewhere was a news-wire interface
   that allowed WAITS hackers to read, store, and filter AP and UPI
   dispatches from their terminals; the system also featured a
   still-unusual level of support for what is now called `multimedia'
   computing, allowing analog audio and video signals to be switched
   to programming terminals.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wait! That's the FORBIDDEN dance!
%%
Wait until it is night before saying that it has been a fine day.
 -- French Proverb
%%
Wait! Where are you going?    I was going to make espresso!
 -- Old Blind Man, from Young Frankenstein
%%
Wait!  You have not been prepared!
 -- Mr. Atoz, "Tomorrow is Yesterday," stardate 3113.2.
%%
Wake up all you citizens, hear your country's call,
Not to arms and violence, But peace for one and all.
Crush out hate and prejudice, fear and greed and sin,
Help bring back her dignity, restore her faith again.

Work hard for a common cause, don't let our country fall.
Make her proud and strong again, democracy for all.
Yes, make our country strong again, keep our flag unfurled.
Make our country well again, respected by the world.

Make her whole and beautiful, work from sun to sun.
Stand tall and labor side by side, because there's so much to be done.
Yes, make her whole and beautiful, united strong and free,
Wake up, all you citizens, It's up to you and me.
 -- Pansy Myers Schroeder
%%
Wake up, America.
 -- Augustus P. Gardner
%%
Wake up and smell the coffee.
 -- Ann Landers
%%
Wake Up!: Sal Ammoniac
%%
Wake up, the whole world's gone...
%%
Wake up to a brand new day to find your dreams have washed away.
%%
Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime.
For a first offense, that is.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
:waldo: /wol'doh/ [From Robert A. Heinlein's story "Waldo"]
   1. A mechanical agent, such as a gripper arm, controlled by a human
   limb.  When these were developed for the nuclear industry in the
   mid-1940s they were named after the invention described by Heinlein
   in the story, which he wrote in 1942.  Now known by the more
   generic term `telefactoring', this technology is of intense
   interest to NASA for tasks like space station maintenance.  2. At
   Harvard (particularly by Tom Cheatham and students), this is used
   instead of {foobar} as a metasyntactic variable and general
   nonsense word.  See {foo}, {bar}, {foobar}, {quux}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Walk at a fast pace when out of the office -- this keeps questions from
subordinates and superiors at a minimum.
%%
Walk away quietly in any direction and taste the freedom of the mountaineer.
 -- John Muir
%%
:walking drives: n. An occasional failure mode of magnetic-disk
   drives back in the days when they were huge, clunky {washing
   machine}s.  Those old {dinosaur} parts carried terrific angular
   momentum; the combination of a misaligned spindle or worn bearings
   and stick-slip interactions with the floor could cause them to
   `walk' across a room, lurching alternate corners forward a couple
   of millimeters at a time.  There is a legend about a drive that
   walked over to the only door to the computer room and jammed it
   shut; the staff had to cut a hole in the wall in order to get at
   it!  Walking could also be induced by certain patterns of drive
   access (a fast seek across the whole width of the disk, followed by
   a slow seek in the other direction).  Some bands of old-time
   hackers figured out how to induce disk-accessing patterns that
   would do this to particular drive models and held disk-drive races.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Walking in the midst of others, One returns alone.
%%
Walking on water wasn't built in a day.
 -- Jack Kerouac
%%
Walking point = sniper bait.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #59
%%
walking: uncommon means of mountain locomotion. see fall, glissade, etc.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Walk in, plant yourself, look the other fellow in the eye, and tell the
 truth.
 -- James Cagney
%%
Walk in shadow, walk in dread, Loosefish walk as like one dead.
%%
"WALK" means "Run for your life."
%%
:walk: n.,vt. Traversal of a data structure, especially an array or
   linked-list data structure in {core}.  See also {codewalker},
   {silly walk}, {clobber}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:walk off the end of: vt. To run past the end of an array, list, or
   medium after stepping through it --- a good way to land in trouble.
   Often the result of an {off-by-one error}.  Compare
   {clobber}, {roach}, {smash the stack}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Walk softly and carry a 500 gigawatt laser.
%%
Walk softly and carry a big RESET switch.
%%
Walk softly and carry a big stick.
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Walk softly and carry a fully charged PHASER!
%%
Walk softly and carry a Nerf bat!
%%
Walk through doors, don't crawl through Windows.
%%
Walk while ye have the light, lest darkness come upon you.
 -- New Testament
 -- John xii, 35
%%
Walk with stretched-forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing
as they go.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah iii, 16
%%
Wallace Swine now has an orchestra in his restaurant, but the music is so
 bad that last night a waiter dropped a tray of dishes and everybody got up
 and started to dance.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
Waller was smooth; but Dryden taught to join
The varying verse, the full resounding line,
The long majestic march, and energy divine.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 267
%%
WALLET
  Small container for carrying vital items such as credit cards,
  money, etc. Wallets traditionally vanish from your person at the
  most inconvenient time, resulting in you making a futile tour of
  your pockets looking for it, despite knowing full well you've left
  it at home.
      Wallets are also the traditional home for at least several
  dozen automatic teller slips, business cards from people you can't
  remember meeting, receipts of all shapes and sizes, and various
  other papers hidden in the more out-of-the-way pockets. Regular
  cleaning (say, every six months) will result in great pleasure as
  your wallet suddenly loses three-quarters of its weight and
  thickness, and it becomes possible again to carry it in your back
  pocket and walk at the same time.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:wall follower: n. A person or algorithm that compensates for lack
   of sophistication or native stupidity by efficiently following some
   simple procedure shown to have been effective in the past.  Used of
   an algorithm, this is not necessarily pejorative; it recalls
   `Harvey Wallbanger', the winning robot in an early AI contest
   (named, of course, after the cocktail).  Harvey successfully solved
   mazes by keeping a `finger' on one wall and running till it came
   out the other end.  This was inelegant, but it was mathematically
   guaranteed to work on simply-connected mazes --- and, in fact,
   Harvey outperformed more sophisticated robots that tried to
   `learn' each maze by building an internal representation of it.
   Used of humans, the term *is* pejorative and implies an
   uncreative, bureaucratic, by-the-book mentality.  See also {code
   grinder}, {droid}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wallowing in the mud only gets you dirty, but it is a hell of a lot of
fun.
%%
Wallpaper is an animate object.
%%
:wallpaper: n. 1. A file containing a listing (e.g., assembly
   listing) or a transcript, esp. a file containing a transcript of
   all or part of a login session.  (The idea was that the paper for
   such listings was essentially good only for wallpaper, as evidenced
   at Stanford, where it was used to cover windows.)  Now rare,
   esp. since other systems have developed other terms for it (e.g.,
   PHOTO on TWENEX).  However, the UNIX world doesn't have an
   equivalent term, so perhaps {wallpaper} will take hold there.
   The term probably originated on ITS, where the commands to begin
   and end transcript files were `:WALBEG' and `:WALEND',
   with default file `WALL PAPER' (the space was a path
   delimiter).  2. The background pattern used on graphical
   workstations (this is techspeak under the `Windows' graphical user
   interface to MS-DOS).  3. `wallpaper file' n. The file that
   contains the wallpaper information before it is actually printed on
   paper.  (Even if you don't intend ever to produce a real paper copy
   of the file, it is still called a wallpaper file.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
WALL STREET, n.  A symbol for sin for every devil to rebuke.  That
Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every
unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven.  Even the great and
good Andrew Carnegie has made his profession of faith in the matter.

    Carnegie the dauntless has uttered his call
    To battle:  "The brokers are parasites all!"
    Carnegie, Carnegie, you'll never prevail;
    Keep the wind of your slogan to belly your sail,
    Go back to your isle of perpetual brume,
    Silence your pibroch, doff tartan and plume:
    Ben Lomond is calling his son from the fray --
    Fly, fly from the region of Wall Street away!
    While still you're possessed of a single baubee
    (I wish it were pledged to endowment of me)
    'Twere wise to retreat from the wars of finance
    Lest its value decline ere your credit advance.
    For a man 'twixt a king of finance and the sea,
    Carnegie, Carnegie, your tongue is too free!
                                                         Anonymus Bink
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
WALL
  Structure of astounding simplicity. In terms of building and
  design, you can't get much simpler than a wall. Actually, no, I'm
  wrong, a floor is simpler to build. Because you don't have to worry
  about it falling over. Because it already has. Floors generally
  have very little job satisfaction, because it entails letting
  people walk all over them.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:wall time: n. (also `wall clock time') 1. `Real world' time (what
   the clock on the wall shows), as opposed to the system clock's idea
   of time.  2. The real running time of a program, as opposed to the
   number of {tick}s required to execute it (on a timesharing
   system these always differ, as no one program gets all the
   ticks, and on multiprocessor systems with good thread support
   one may get more processor time than real time).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:wall: [WPI] interj. 1. An indication of confusion, usually spoken
   with a quizzical tone: "Wall??"  2. A request for further
   explication.  Compare {octal forty}.  3. [UNIX, from `write
   all'] v. To send a message to everyone currently logged in,
   esp. with the wall(8) utility.

   It is said that sense 1 came from the idiom `like talking to a
   blank wall'.  It was originally used in situations where, after you
   had carefully answered a question, the questioner stared at you
   blankly, clearly having understood nothing that was explained.  You
   would then throw out a "Hello, wall?" to elicit some sort of
   response from the questioner.  Later, confused questioners began
   voicing "Wall?" themselves.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Walt Disney is not dead.  He's in suspended animation.
%%
Walter Shandy attributed most of his son's misfortunes to the fact
that at a highly critical moment his wife had asked him if he had
wound the clock, a question so irrelevant that he despaired of the
child's ever being able to pursue a logical train of thought.
 -- Lawrence Sterne
%%
WALTZ
  The second rhythm button from the left. Doo ch ch Doo ch ch...
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Wana know what they say about you, .....Hummm...
%%
Wander down the ancient hallway, taking the stairs only one at a time.
%%
Wander here a whole summer, if you can.  Thousands of God's wild blessings will
search you and soak you as if you were a sponge, and the big days will go by
uncounted.
 -- John Muir
%%
Wandering between two worlds,--one dead,
The other powerless to be born.
 -- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
 -- Stanzas from the Grande Chartreuse
%%
Wandering Punster
%%
Wang-dang a ling hoy!
%%
:wango: /wang'goh/ n. Random bit-level {grovel}ling going on in
   a system during some unspecified operation.  Often used in
   combination with {mumble}.  For example: "You start with the `.o'
   file, run it through this postprocessor that does mumble-wango ---
   and it comes out a snazzy object-oriented executable."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:wank: /wangk/ [Columbia University: prob. by mutation from
   Commonwealth slang v. `wank', to masturbate] n.,v. Used much as
   {hack} is elsewhere, as a noun denoting a clever technique or
   person or the result of such cleverness.  May describe (negatively)
   the act of hacking for hacking's sake ("Quit wanking, let's go get
   supper!") or (more positively) a {wizard}.  Adj.  `wanky'
   describes something particularly clever (a person, program, or
   algorithm).  Conversations can also get wanky when there are too
   many wanks involved.  This excess wankiness is signalled by an
   overload of the `wankometer' (compare {bogometer}).  When the
   wankometer overloads, the conversation's subject must be changed,
   or all non-wanks will leave.  Compare `neep-neeping' (under
   {neep-neep}).  Usage: U.S. only.  In Britain and the Commonwealth
   this word is *extremely* rude and is best avoided unless one
   intends to give offense.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wanna Buy A Rubber Computer?
%%
Wanna buy that bus for my baby some day...
%%
Wanna do something big?  Pick up a boulder.
%%
Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp!
%%
Wanna fuck like bunnies?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Wanna get hit by some math?  Try this 2 by 4 bitch!
%%
Wanna Get Laid?
 Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
%%
Wanna giggle? Try (EDITOR=EDLIN !) in anything.
%%
Wanna give FIDO fits?  Address your message to SYSOP!
%%
Wanna play "Don't Whiz On the Electric Fence"?
%%
Wanna play "Whisper Down The Lane"?
%%
Wanna read a good horror novel? Get a history book!
%%
Wanna REALY enjoy your mail?  Be .QWK about it!
%%
Wanna see my magic nose-goblin collection?
%%
Want A Free Lunch, Get Elected to the US Congress.
%%
Want a jelly baby?
%%
Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs.
%%
Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything!
%%
Want a taste of religion?  Bite a minister!
%%
Want a thing long enough, and you don't.
%%
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
%%
WANTED - A boy who can take care of horses who can speak German.
%%
Wanted: Condom to fit my modem - I *knew* handshaking wouldn't last.
%%
Wanted, Dead or Alive: 1 Pink Rabbit With A Drum!
%%
WANTED, Dead or Alive: KC and the Sunshine Band!
%%
Wanted, Dead or Alive: Schrodinger's Cat.
%%
Wanted: Dictionary with Index.
%%
Wanted: GE 645.  Can substitute with DEC PDP-7.
%%
Wanted: Good taglines to steal...
%%
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
%%
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
%%
Wanted: Man to wash dishes and two waitresses.
%%
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
%%
Wanted: programmers with experience. Some assembly required.
%%
Wanted: shopkeepers. Send a scroll of mail to:
 Mage of Yendor/Level 35/Dungeon.
%%
Wanted:  Small man for job as a mud flap.
Must be flexible and willing to travel.
 -- Job vacancy advertisment
%%
Wanted: The Enterprise's computer (that comes with BlueWave)
%%
Wanted: Two belly dancers on a rotating basis.
%%
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
%%
Wanted: Volcano.  Average size.  Must be active.
%%
Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!
 -- Coty Perfume Ad
%%
Want me to create a diversion?
%%
Want my advice little boy?  Buy her something tender and nice -
 like a Cadillac.
 -- Elvis, "Heart on a Chain", Eerie Indiana
%%
Want my guns? Come in range and get them.
%%
Want of prudence is too frequently the want of virtue; nor is there
on earth a more powerful advocate for vice than poverty?
 -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Want some cheese to go with that whine?
%%
"Want some pretzels?"
"No thanks, we're on duty.  A couple beers would be nice, though."
 -- The Simpsons
%%
Want to be a composer? ... If you can think design, you can execute
 design--it's only a bunch of air molecules, who's gonna check up on you?
 Just follow these simple instructions:

 1. Declare your intention to create a "composition."

 2. Start a piece at some time.

 3. Cause something to happen over a period of time (it doesn't matter what
 happens in your "time hole"--we have critics to tell us whether it's any
 good or not, so we won't worry about that part).

 4. End the piece at some time (or keep it going, telling the audience it is
 a "work in progress").

 5. Get a part-time job so you can continue to do stuff like this.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Want to break up an Iraqi Bingo game???           Yell B-52!!!
%%
Want to call Geraldo Rivera. He has an 800 number! Simply dial
 1-800-TRASH-TV
%%
Want to confuse people?  Quote from the wrong message!
%%
Want to have some fun?  Walk into an antique shop and say, What's new?
%%
Want to hear a sad story about the Dukakis campaign? The governor of
Massachusetts, he lost his top naval advisor last week. His rubber
ducky drowned in the bathtub.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle addresses the issues during the
                   1988 campaign, 9/13/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Want to know about courses of study? Go to the library.
%%
Want to know a phone number? Go to the library.
%%
Want to know the meaning of life? Just call Griswoldo, your friendly
neighborhood guru. Dial (818) 902-9544 for an appointment today.
Master Charge, Visa and American Express accepted.
%%
Want to locate an address? Go to the library.
%%
Want to own a small business? Buy a big one and wait.
%%
Want to read newspapers? Go to the library.
%%
Want to save money every month?  Throw out the computer!
%%
Want to see the great outdoors? Become a Scoutmaster.
%%
Want to speak with Fawn Hall or Ollie North? They have an 800 number!
 Simply dial 1-800-WE SHRED
%%
Want to turn a 486/66 into an 8088/4.77? Load Windows!
%%
War-all that running around and shooting one another.
 -- Londo
%%
War alone brings up to its highest tension all human energy and puts
the stamp of nobility upon the peoples who have the courage to face it.
 -- Benito Mussolini
%%
War debt: alimony.
%%
War destroys mem, but luxury mankind At once corrupts the body and the mind.
 -- Crown
%%
Ward has no heart, they say, but I deny it:
He has a heart, and gets his speeches by it.
 -- Samuel Rogers (1763-1855)
 -- Epigram
%%
War Dims Hopes for Peace
 -- Wisconsin State Journal 12/27/65
%%
Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver.
%%
Warding off the evil spirits from your system...
%%
War does not determine who is right... it only determines who is left!
 -- "Iolo"
%%
:-ware: [from `software'] suff. Commonly used to form jargon terms
   for classes of software.  For examples, see {careware},
   {crippleware}, {crudware}, {freeware}, {fritterware},
   {guiltware}, {liveware}, {meatware}, {payware},
   {psychedelicware}, {shareware}, {shelfware}, {vaporware},
   {wetware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
War: fight 'em, whip 'em, feed 'em and finance 'em.
%%
War: First day in the U.S. Army, the government placed a Bible in my left
hand, a bayonet in the other.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
 -- Charles Edward Montague
%%
     War
     ---
  "He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my
contempt.  He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal
cord would fully suffice.  This disgrace to civilization should be done away
with at once.  Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable
love-of-country stance, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and
ignoble war is;  I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an
action!  It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing
but an act of murder."
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
WAR: Hi-tech natural selection.
%%
War is a matter of vital importance to the State; the province of life
or death; the road to survival or ruin. It is mandatory that it be
thoroughly studied.
 -- Sun Tzu
%%
War is an equal opportunity destroyer.
%%
War is an invention of the human mind. The human mind can invent peace.
%%
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and
degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that Nothing is
worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing
to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a
miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so
by the exertions of better men than himself.
 -- John Stuart Mill
%%
War is a profanity because, let's face it, you've got two opposing
sidestrying to settle their differences by killing as many of each
other as they can.
 -- Norman Schwartzkopf
%%
War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory
 -- Georges Clemenceau
%%
War is a series of disasters which result in a winner.
 -- Georges Clemenceau
%%
War is based on deception.
 -- Sun Tzu (ca. 500 BC)
%%
War is Capitalism with the gloves off.
%%
War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.
 -- Desiderius Erasmus (1465-1536)
%%
War is good business - invest your sons.
%%
War is Hell.
 -- General William Sherman
%%
War is its own punishment.
%%
War is just a hostile corporate take over.
%%
    War is just to those to whom war is necessary.
 -- Titus Livius
%%
War is like love; it always finds a way.
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
War is menstruation envy.
%%
War is much too serious to be left to the generals.
 -- Georges Clemenceau (1841-1929)
%%
War is never imperative.
 -- McCoy, "Balance of Terror," stardate 1709.2
%%
War is not healthy for soldiers and other living things.
%%
War is not nice.
 -- Barbara Bush
%%
War isn't a good life, but it's life.
 -- Kirk, "A Private Little War," stardate 4211.8.
%%
War isn't fought to decide who is right - but who is left.
%%
War isn't politics.
It is indeed the only human activity that is rottener than politics.
%%
War is one of the scourges with which it has pleased God to afflict men.
 -- Cardinal Richelieu 
%%
War is peace,
Freedom is slavery,
Ignorance is strength.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950), "1984"
%%
War is peace.  Freedom is slavery.  Ketchup is a vegetable.
%%
War... is something that occurs not between man and man, but between States.
 The individuals who become involved in it are enemies only by accident.
 -- Jean Jacques Rousseau
%%
War is the health of the State.
 -- Proudhon (?)
%%
War is the last refuge of incompetent statesmen.
%%
WAR
  I think Frankie Goes To Hollywood had it right. Put the leaders -
  the actual people who've insulted each others' grandmothers or
  whatever - in the ring, and let them beat the shit out of each
  other. And after the claims and counter-claims of steroids have
  been dismissed, we'd have a winner.
      Of course, us voters would soon realise what was going to
  happen if they didn't have strong leaders. John Major would be out.
  Japan's PM would be replaced with a Sumo wrestler. Bill Clinton
  might stand a chance if he keeps working out - but no more
  McDonalds. China would find someone who *isn't* due for a pension.
  And as for Australia, Keating might be good at calling people
  scumbags and recalcitrants, but I reckon we might get Bronwyn
  Bishop before too long. Yeah... stick the knee in, Bronwyn!
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
War! It is too serious a matter to leave to the military
 -- Georges Clemenceau (1841-1929)
 -- Quoted in G. Suarez, Clemenceau (1886)
%%
War its thousands slays, Peace its ten thousands.
 -- Beilby Porteus (1731-1808)
 -- Death, Line 178
%%
:warlording: [from the USENET group alt.fan.warlord] v. The act
   of excoriating a bloated, ugly, or derivative {sig block}.
   Common grounds for warlording include the presence of a signature
   rendered in a {BUAF}, over-used or cliched {sig quote}s, ugly
   {ASCII art}, or simply excessive size.  The original `Warlord'
   was a {BIFF}-like {newbie} c.1991 who featured in his sig a
   particularly large and obnoxious ASCII graphic resembling the sword
   of Conan the Barbarian in the 1981 John Milius movie; the group
   name alt.fan.warlord was sarcasm, and the characteristic mode
   of warlording is devastatingly sarcastic praise.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
War loves to seek its victims in the young.
 -- Sophocles (496-406 BC)
 -- Scyrii, Frag. 507
%%
War may be Hell... but it's good for business.
 -- The Association for Merchants, Manufacturers, and Morticians
%%
Warm beer and bread, they say, could raise the dead.
%%
Warm beer on a cold night. Nothing better.
%%
Warmed up cabbage wears out the poor master's life.
 -- Juvenal
%%
Warm eyes, wet lips
Gently touch my finger tips

Soft sighs, silky hair
Longing for me to touch her there

Her begging eyes
Her whimpering cries

Urgent needs of one so sweet
Bring me quickly to my feet

The night is warm, there is no doubt
It's my turn to take the dog out.
%%
WARMING: Speeling chekcer inopreative
%%
Warms in the sun, refreshes in the breeze,
Glows in the stars, and blossoms in the trees.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 271
%%
Warm & sunny in Australia! Again!
%%
Warm the pot first ... then put two heaping teaspoonfuls in the pot--no
 bags--in boiling water, and when it's in, stir it.
 -- Lynn Fontanne
%%
War, n.: A by-product of the arts of peace.  The most menacing political
condition is a period of international amity.  Since we are told
"In times of peace prepare for war", war is inevitable.
 -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), "The Devil's Dictionary", 1911
%%
WAR, n.  A by-product of the arts of peace.  The most menacing
political condition is a period of international amity.  The student
of history who has not been taught to expect the unexpected may justly
boast himself inaccessible to the light.  "In time of peace prepare
for war" has a deeper meaning than is commonly discerned; it means,
not merely that all things earthly have an end -- that change is the
one immutable and eternal law -- but that the soil of peace is thickly
sown with the seeds of war and singularly suited to their germination
and growth.  It was when Kubla Khan had decreed his "stately pleasure
dome" -- when, that is to say, there were peace and fat feasting in
Xanadu -- that he

                        heard from afar
    Ancestral voices prophesying war.

    One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of
men, and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable.  Let us
have a little less of "hands across the sea," and a little more of
that elemental distrust that is the security of nations.  War loves to
come like a thief in the night; professions of eternal amity provide
the night.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Warned you have been.
 -- Yoda
%%
War never leaves where it found a nation.
%%
Warning: Area Protected by Highly Trained Attack-Owls.
%%
Warning: BBS under construction!
%%
Warning: Bill Gates virus found. Variants: Windows, MSDOS...
%%
Warning: Bonds skin.
%%
Warning: COLDBEER.CAN found, programmer probably loaded.
%%
Warning: Computers and modems are ADDICTIVE!
%%
Warning: CONGRESS.SYS corrupted. Reboot WASH.DC (Y/n)
%%
Warning: Conscience Failure! You're on your own.
%%
WARNING - CONTENTS MAY BE CONSIDERED GROSS BY
 THOSE WHO ARE LIKELY TO CONSIDER IT GROSS.
%%
WARNING CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE
 -- Sign on a college dorm room
%%
Warning: Cover your mouth so as to NOT spit BEER all over screen!
%%
Warning: Do not attempt this at home.
%%
Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will
hurt you. Also do not bite the tyres, especially while the bike is
moving.  Our lawyers made us put these warnings in.
 -- Motorbike manual
%%
Warning: Do not read this Tag-line under penalty of law.
%%
Warning: Do not remove under penalty of law.
%%
Warning: Do not reuse tagline. Discard safely after use.
%%
WARNING:  DOWN-REV ROSS 605 CPU DETECTED - PLEASE UPGRADE.
 RUNNING IN UNI-PROCESSOR MODE.  PERFORMANCE WILL BE AFFECTED.
%%
Warning: Drinking tap water may kill your thirst!
%%
Warning: Due to the robot shortage, some of our bartenders
are human and will react unpredictably when insulted.
%%
Warning: ECC error count high.
%%
Warning: end of file 'fortunes' reached.
%%
WARNING from H.M. Govt:  Quaffing may be dangerous to your health.
%%
Warning: grandparent with pictures
%%
Warning: HIGH ENTROPY ZONE
%%
Warning: HOT TUB LIFE SUPPORT NOW TERMINATED!
%%
Warning: I accelerate my car for conservatives.
%%
Warning: I am a trained professional.  No, Really!
%%
Warning: I brake for hallucinations.
%%
Warning: Illogical plotting detected!
%%
Warning: I Steal Taglines! (This one for example)
%%
Warning: Klingon sex rituals are hazardous to your health.
%%
Warning: Listening to WXRT on April Fools' Day is not recommended for
those who are slightly disoriented the first few hours after waking
up.
 -- Chicago Reader 4/22/83
%%
Warning: Media Virus detected.
%%
Warning: Message detonates in five minutes...
%%
Warning: Message Truncated!
%%
Warning: Moderator armed and shoots back!
%%
Warning: My messages are offensive to morons!
%%
Warning: New User!
%%
Warning: Not Politically Correct.
%%
WARNING: NO TRESPASSING ALLOWED
THE LORD TELLS US: FORGIVE THOSE
WHO TRESPASS.

TO HELL WITH THAT!
I SHOOT THE DAMN BASTARDS!
 -- Sign on a Wooded Pasture
%%
Warning: Not responsible for contents of posts made after midnight ;-}
%%
Warning: No user serviceable characters in this tagline.
%%
Warning: Now entering Sleazegate's QC dept.
%%
Warning: Objects in mirror are more stupid than they appear.
%%
Warning: One human being. Contents under pressure. Use
only as directed.
%%
[Warning on knife]:  Caution.  Blade is sharp.  Keep out of children.
%%
Warning: Please terminate GIF program. Your wife is coming.
%%
Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth.
%%
Warning: Programmer at play.
%%
Warning: Programmer X-ing.
%%
WARNING:
      Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your
mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of hair on
your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of your favorite war.
%%
Warning: Removal of this tagline is prohibited by law!
%%
Warning: Replying to this message could be dangerous!
%%
Warning: SAFESEX.ZIP is a Trojan
%%
Warning: Scan shows Sysop in immediate area! Look Innocent
%%
Warning: Shock hazard.  No user-serviceable components inside.
%%
Warnings.. I don't need no stinking warnings...
%%
Warning: Smurfs are really baby Gamilons!
%%
Warning: TAGLINE THEFT ALARM IN USE.
%%
Warning: Taking Ross Perot seriously can cause headaches.
%%
Warning: The 'ESC' key doesn't work in Leavenworth...
%%
Warning: The Surgeon General is hazardous to your health.
%%
Warning: The Surgeon General Started Smoking!
%%
WARNING: The vomitous nature of certain sequences may be emotionally
hazardous for the squeamish or those with weak hearts.
%%
Warning: Thinking to excess may cause failure to vote Republican.
%%
Warning: This computer makes hexist remarks!
%%
WARNING!!!
This machine is subject to breakdowns during periods of critical need.

A special circuit in the machine called "critical detector" senses the
operator's emotional state in terms of how desperate he/she is to use the
machine.  The "critical detector" then creates a malfunction proportional
to the desperation of the operator.  Threatening the machine with violence
only aggravates the situation.  Likewise, attempts to use another machine
may cause it to malfunction.  They belong to the same union.  Keep cool and
say nice things to the machine.  Nothing else seems to work.
%%
Warning: THIS MESSAGE HAS HUMOR.
%%
Warning: This message is contageous!
%%
Warning: This message may cause drowsiness.
%%
Warning: This PC is protected by a ferret with a black belt in Karate!
%%
Warning: This pc protected by two cats with black belts in kimpo
%%
Warning: This person reads fantasy and is and avid denier of reality.
%%
WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the
 universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force
 Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the
 Distance Between Them.
%%
WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
%%
Warning: This propperty protected by Virtual security patrol.
%%
WARNING--This system is now being controlled by IBM.
%%
Warning: This tagline fails CRC check!
%%
Warning: This tagline is tapped. Speak quietly.
%%
Warning: This user pirates TagLines!!!!!!
%%
WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:

Firings will continue until morale improves.
%%
WARNING: TOD clock not initialized
%%
Warning to Lawyers: Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.
 -- Charles A. Beardsley
%%
Warning: Trespassers will be shot.
Survivors will be shot again.
%%
WA*R*NIN*G:* T*ri*bb*l*es a*r*e* e*v*er*ywh*e*r*e!
%%
Warning: Vegisexuals are quietly living in a community near you!
%%
Warning: Whimsical when bored.
%%
Warning: Wife reading Limbaugh Echo. Hungry.man will result.
%%
War on drugs?!?! Put ME on the FRONT LINES!!!!
%%
Warp 5, Engage. No. NO! More Clutch, Data, More CLUTCH!
%%
Warped, and proud of it.
%%
Warrantee and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
 -- The RPCISPE's Twentieth Universal Law
%%
Warranty? 3 minutes or 3 ft whichever comes 1st
%%
Warranty - An unconditional guarantee that the program purchased is actually
included on the disk in the box.
%%
Warren B. Rudman, Senator (N.H.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
Wars and rumours of wars.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxiv, 6
%%
Wars are caused by undefended wealth.
 -- General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
%%
"War," says Machiavel, "ought to be the only study of a prince;" and
by a prince he means every sort of state, however constituted. "He
ought," says this great political doctor, "to consider peace only
as a breathing-time, which gives him leisure to contrive, and furnishes
ability to execute military plans." A meditation on the conduct of
political societies made old Hobbes imagine that war was the state
of nature.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- A Vindication of Natural Society, Vol. i, p. 15
%%
War seldom enters but where wealth allures.
%%
Wars frequently begin ten years before the first shot is fired.
 -- K. K. V. Casey (1877-?)
%%
WARSH: to clean with water.  "Go warsh yur hands!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
Wars kill people. Governments cause wars. Let's ban government!
%%
Wars not make one great.
%%
Wars on nations change maps. War on poverty maps change
 -- Muhammad Ali
%%
War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.
 -- Anacreon
%%
War? The one war I'd be happy to join is the war against officers.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Wart-hog [n] The result of crossing a pig with a frog.
%%
:wart: n. A small, {crock}y {feature} that sticks out of an
   otherwise {clean} design.  Something conspicuous for localized
   ugliness, especially a special-case exception to a general rule.
   For example, in some versions of `csh(1)', single quotes
   literalize every character inside them except `!'.  In ANSI C,
   the `??' syntax used for obtaining ASCII characters in a foreign
   environment is a wart.  See also {miswart}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
War, war is still the cry,--"war even to the knife!"
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto i, Stanza 86
%%
Warwick, peace,
Proud setter up and puller down of kings!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
War will cease when men refuse to fight.
 -- Fridtjof Hansen
%%
War would end if the dead could return.
 -- Stanley Baldwin
%%
Was Beethoven's 1st movement done in the toilet or privy?
%%
Was born an acrobat but landed on his head.
%%
Was David Koresh the Waco Wacko?
%%
Was Dracula a "suck-up?"
%%
Was ever book containing such vile matter
So fairly bound? O, that deceit should dwell
In such a gorgeous palace!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Was ever woman in this humour wooed?
Was ever woman in this humour won?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Richard III
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Was first in line for brains, but ended up holding the door open.
%%
WASH
  An activity that, if men had their way, would only be done once or
  twice a month. Down beneath it all, most men would much rather
  cover themselves in mud and walk around in skins. Which explains
  the popularity of football.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:washing machine: n. Old-style 14-inch hard disks in floor-standing
   cabinets.  So called because of the size of the cabinet and the
   `top-loading' access to the media packs --- and, of course, they
   were always set on `spin cycle'.  The washing-machine idiom
   transcends language barriers; it is even used in Russian hacker
   jargon.  See also {walking drives}.  The thick channel cables
   connecting these were called `bit hoses' (see {hose}, sense 3).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Washing machines only break down during the wash cycle.
 -- Yeager's Law
%%
Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless
means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.
 -- Paulo Freire
%%
Washington could not tell a lie;  Nixon could not tell the truth;
 Reagan could not tell the difference.
%%
Washington, DC: 26 square miles surrounded by reality.
%%
Washington, DC: America's work-free drug place.
%%
Washington, D.C.: A mysterious zone along the Eastern Coast of the United
 States where intelligent people disappear without so much as a trace.
%%
Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
[Washington, D.C.] is the home of ... taste for the people --
the big, the bland and the banal.
 -- Ada Louise Huxtable
%%
Washington, D.C., is the seat of government, and that is where most of the
 pain is also located!
%%
Washington, D.C., law states that no one shall engage in a
pugilistic encounter with a bull.
%%
WASHINGTONIAN, n.  A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of
governing himself for the advantage of good government.  In justice to
him it should be said that he did not want to.

    They took away his vote and gave instead
    The right, when he had earned, to _eat_ his bread.
    In vain -- he clamors for his "boss," pour soul,
    To come again and part him from his roll.
                                                       Offenbach Stutz
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Washingtonians don't tan, they rust.
%%
Washington is a much better place if you are asking questions rather
than answering them.
 -- John Dean
%%
Washington is great! 12 million slugs CAN'T be wrong!
%%
Washington is in the clear upper sky.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Eulogy on Adams and Jefferson, Aug. 2, 1826, p. 148
%%
Washing Windows is better than running them.
%%
 Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
 -- The Unapplicable Law
%%
Was his.
 -- Bumpersticker
%%
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
%%
Wash your hands often, your feet seldom, and your head never.
 -- John Ray
%%
Was I deceiv'd, or did a sable cloud
Turn forth her silver lining on the night?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 221
%%
Was it a car or a cat I saw?
%%
Was it only just a dream?
 -- John Lennon, looking back on the Beatles.
%%
Was it worth it?
%%
Was Jimi Hendrix's modem a Purple Hayes?
%%
Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN?  It tastes REAL GOOD!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Was napping in the nut pile the day God was cracking nuts.
%%
Was never eie did see that face,
  Was never eare did heare that tong,
Was never minde did minde his grace,
  That ever thought the travell long;
    But eies and eares and ev'ry thought
    Were with his sweete perfections caught.
 -- Mathew Roydon (c. 1586)
 -- An Elegie; or Friend's Passion for his Astrophill
%%
Was never evening yet
But seemed far beautifuller than its day.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Ring and the Book, Pompilia, Line 357
%%
Wasn't abused as a child, but should have been.
%%
Wasn't EZ-Reader a child's 1st Grade Tutorial.
%%
Wasn't strapped in during launch.
%%
Wasn't there something about a PASCAL
programmer knowing the value of everything and the Wirth of nothing?
%%
Was she so loved because her eyes were so beautiful or were her eyes
so beautiful because she was loved?
 -- Anzia Yezierska
%%
Was Sigmund Freud the Wizard of Id?
%%
Was silk really invented so women could go naked in clothes?
%%
Was Tasha Yar the Enterprise's expert on Data entry?
%%
Waste any more time and you won't get any older....
 -- Avon
%%
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
 -- Euripides (431 BC)
%%
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
%%
Waste not seen is the most obscene.
%%
Waste not the remnant of thy life in those imaginations touching other
folk, whereby thou contributest not to the common weal.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iii, 4
%%
Waste not, want not.
%%
Waste your brain, wax your board, and pray for waves!
%%
Was that an African or European swallow?
%%
Was that Aussat satellite that blew up, Austel Approved?
%%
Was that that 'that that' that that teacher complained about?
 -- Rob Robinson
%%
Was that you I saw in that Adult GIF, Bob??
%%
Was that your Girlfriend I saw in the GIF?
%%
Was that your wife I saw in that GIF?
%%
Was there a time when dancers with their fiddles
In children's circuses could stay their troubles?
There was a time they could cry over books,
But time has set its maggot on their track.
Under the arc of the sky they are unsafe.
What's never known is safest in this life.
Under the skysigns they who have no arms
Have cleanest hands, and, as the heartless ghost
Alone's unhurt, so the blind man sees best.
 -- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), "Was There A Time"
%%
Was there nought better than to enjoy?
  No feat which, done, would make time break,
  And let us pent-up creatures through
Into eternity, our due?
No forcing earth teach heaven's employ?
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Dis Aliter Visum or Le Byron de nos Jours
%%
Was there wit once from whence there was whining?
%%
Was this post supposed to be on-topic???
%%
Was this the face that launch'd a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss!
Her lips suck forth my soul:
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- Faustus
%%
Wasting time is an important part of living.
%%
Was today really necessary?
%%
Was uns nicht umbringt macht mir bis 1500 naechsten nachmittag schlafen.
%%
Watch as I make this fortune disappear!
%%
WATCHDOG
%%
Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.
 -- Chiun, in "Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins..."
%%
Watches "Beavis and Butthead" to learn vocabulary.
%%
Watch for Terminator III.  It has built in access to the IRS.
%%
Watching Oprah causes cancer.  Next on Donahue.
%%
Watching television, you'd think we lived at bay, surrounded on all
sides by human-seeking germs.  We are instructed to spray disinfectant
everywhere, into the air of our bedrooms and kitchens and with special
energy into bathrooms. In real life, however, disease occurs so
infrequently that it has a freakish aspect.
 -- Lewis Thomas
%%
Watching the democratic party in a presidential contest is like
watching a washing machine with a defective bearing:  It starts up
smoothly enough, but soon, it begins to wobble and shake, jumping
violently from place to place, until it tears itself to pieces, spewing
dirty laundry all over the room.
%%
Watching the scenery instead of the car ahead is the way to become part
of both.
 -- Robert Renniessen, Jr.
%%
Watch it!
%%
Watch it!  It's a Trojan!
%%
Watch it - you're trying my infinite patience.
%%
Watch less TV.
%%
Watchman, what of the night?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxi, 11
%%
Watch me as I swing my hips... around.
%%
Watch me goose that sleeping dragon!
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Watch me pull up nice and close to this iceberg.
 -- The captain of the Titanic, trying to impress on of the female passengers
%%
Watch out! aeta tester at work...
%%
Watch out for artificial insinuation!
%%
Watch out for falling cornice stones today.
%%
Watch out for formal briefings, they often produce an avalanche.
(Definition: A high-level snow job of massive and overwhelming proportions.)
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped
  into our language.
 -- Writing Rule 04
%%
Watch out for low flying seagulls.
%%
Watch out for off-by-one errors.
%%
Watch out for the Alerted Snakes of Consequence.<Mindplayers<
%%
Watch out for the old mortar in the rocks in the fourteenth hole trick.
%%
Watch out for those offensive speed humps!
%%
Watch out, gentle hugs and kisses headed your way!
%%
Watch out guys! Give him room! He's got a MAGNET!!!
%%
WATCH OUT! I'm Locked and Loaded!
%%
Watch out! There's a tagline pirate about!
%%
Watch out, warm fuzzies headed your way!
%%
Watch out when the auctioneer calls some nineteenth-century wine "a
 graceful old lady whose wrinkles are starting to show through layers of
 makeup." That means the wine is undrinkable, and some fool will spend $500
 for it.
 -- Robert Parker
%%
Watch out! Your PKZIP is open!
%%
Watch that bottl#@!$ NO PERRIER
%%
Watch the short jokes or I'll bite you on the ankle!
%%
Watch the stars, and from them learn.  To the Master's honor all must
turn, each in its track, without a sound, forever tracing Newton's ground.
 -- Albert Einstein, (translation by Dave Fredrick)
%%
Watch the sun come up, breathe fresh air, exercise your body, become
a garbage collector!
%%
Watch this guy!  Keep watching this guy!
%%
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.
 -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
Watch where you go... remember where you've been...
%%
Watch your attitude buddy.  I'll sic the moderator on you.
%%
Watch your attitude.  It's the first think people notice about you.
%%
Watch your back, don't let aids creep up behind you.
 -- Rob
%%
Watch your back - hot files coming through!
%%
Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.
 -- Han Solo
%%
Watch your steps on staircases.
%%
Watch your step when you immediately know the one way to do anything.
Nine times out of ten, there are several better ways.
 -- W. B. Givens, Jr.
%%
Watch your step! You are beginning to act competent.
%%
Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they
become your actions. Watch your actions; they become your habits.
Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character
for it will become your destiny.
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself,
what am I? And if not now, when?
 -- Hillel
%%
Waterbeds are cutting down the incidence of adultery -
ever tried to crawl under one?
%%
Waterfall model
 a development model that allows you to fail in a big way just once
 -- Glossary of Software Engineering Terms
%%
Water flows on uninterruptedly and reaches it goal:
The image of the Abysmal repeated.
Thus the superior man walks in lasting virtue
And carries on the business of teaching.
%%
Watergate '74, Whitewatergate '94. Clinton & Nixon: perfect together.
%%
Water generally flows downhill in this area.
 -- Bob Bennett
 -- WDIV News 4, Detroit,
 -- reporting on a flood that destroyed some suburban basement apartments.
%%
Water go down the hole...
 -- Baby Plucky.
%%
Water is composed of oxygin ahd hydrogin.  Oxygin is pure, but hydrogin
is gin and water.
%%
water knot: rope configuration used by sea cliff climbers who tend to fall a
lot.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Water: liquid that freezes slippery side up.
%%
Water + Malt + Hops + Yeast = Satisfaction
%%
Watermelon--it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face.
 -- Enrico Caruso
%%
Water my ass!  Get this guy some Pepto Bismol!
%%
Water?   Never touch the stuff!  Fish fuck in it.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Water on the mountain:
The image of Obstruction.
Thus the superior man turns his attention to himself
And molds his character.
%%
Water over fire: the image of the condition
In After Completion.
Thus the superior man
Takes thoughts of misfortune
And arms himself against it in advance.
%%
Water over Lake: the image of Limitation.
Thus the superior man
Creates numbers and measure,
And examines the nature of virtue and correct conduct.
%%
Water over wood: the image of The Well.
Thus the superior man encourages the people at their work,
And exhorts them to help one another.
%%
Water Polo - a REAL contact sport
%%
Water really has no value....until the well runs dry.
%%
Water run by will,
Not turn the mill.
 -- Proverb
%%
watershed: small, rustic shed used to store water.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
WATERSHIP DOWN - You've read the book, you've seen the film;
Now, eat the pie!
%%
WATER SKIERS come down harder.
%%
Water Skiers do it with cuts.
%%
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Water, water everywhere...not a drop to drip.
%%
Water wears the rock
%%
Watson! Come here! I need you!
%%
Watson! Come here! I want your body!
%%
Watson, the game's afoot!
%%
WAT: WAste Time
%%
:wave a dead chicken: v. To perform a ritual in the direction of
   crashed software or hardware that one believes to be futile but
   is nevertheless necessary so that others are satisfied that an
   appropriate degree of effort has been expended.  "I'll wave a dead
   chicken over the source code, but I really think we've run into an
   OS bug."  Compare {voodoo programming}, {rain dance}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wave Rider 1.20
%%
Wavering flight over the depths.
No blame.
%%
Waves are caused by whale farts.
%%
Wavishing wench wanted to welease Woderick-apply within>
%%
"Wayne Newton is," he says, "an example of what America can be."
%%
Way Too Much is Not Nearly Enough.
%%
WBB: Write to the Bit Bucket
%%
WBT: Water Binary Tree
%%
WCR: Write to Card Reader
%%
WC: Waste Core
%%
WC: Wind Clock
%%
WD-40 is the best of lubricants.
%%
W (double U) has, of all the letters in our alphabet, the only
cumbrous name, the names of the others being monosyllabic.  This
advantage of the Roman alphabet over the Grecian is the more valued
after audibly spelling out some simple Greek word, like
_epixoriambikos_.  Still, it is now thought by the learned that other
agencies than the difference of the two alphabets may have been
concerned in the decline of "the glory that was Greece" and the rise
of "the grandeur that was Rome."  There can be no doubt, however, that
by simplifying the name of W (calling it "wow," for example) our
civilization could be, if not promoted, at least better endured.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
WDR: Warp disk DRive
%%
WDS: Warp Drive, Scotty!
%%
We accomplish in proportion to what we attempt.
%%
We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of
life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something
to be enthusiastic about.
 -- Charles Kingsley
%%
We admire people for reasons; we love them without reasons.
 -- Scottish proverb
%%
We advocate the repeal of the Eighteenth Amendment.  We urge the
enactment of such measures by the several states as will actually
promote temperance, effectively prevent the return of the saloon and
bring the liquor traffic into the open under complete supervision and
control by the states.
 -- Democratic National Platform, 1932
%%
We aim above the mark to hit the mark.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
We aim to please, but we shoot to kill.
%%
We ain't got hold of culture yet, but when we do get hold of her, we will
 adjust her and settler her down and make her hum and run like crazy.
%%
We ain't slow, we just nap when we're sleepy!
%%
Weak and beggarly elements.
 -- New Testament
 -- Galatians iv, 9
%%
Weak arguments are often thrust before my path; but although they are
most unsubstantial, it is not easy to destroy them.  There is not a
more difficult feat known than to cut through a cushion than with a
sword.
 -- Richard Whately (1787-1863)
%%
Weakened and wasted to skin and bone.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Fourth Day, Book iv
%%
WEAKNESSES, n.pl.  Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she
holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the
service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Weakness of character is the only defect which cannot be amended.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We all are vulnerable, in one way or another.
 -- Kirk, "Is There In Truth No Beauty?" stardate 5630.7.
%%
We all came from our biological father's orgasm.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
We all come from the Goddess-and to Her we shall return.
%%
We all declare for liberty,
but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
We all do fade as a leaf.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah lxiv, 6
%%
We all do. The cave is deep in our memories.
%%
We all dream of being the darling of everybody's darling.
%%
We all have failures. The question is, what do we do with them?
%%
We all have faults, and mine is being wicked.
%%
We all have our darker side.  We need it; it's half of what
  we are.  It's not really ugly, it's human.
 -- McCoy, "The Enemy Within," stardate 1673.5.
%%
We all have our opinions, but mine is correct.
%%
We all have style, but few have class.
%%
We all have the capability for a good idea. We should have the ability to
protect them, and the wisdom to share them.
 -- Jack Kirby
%%
We all have the power, and it grows when it is shared.
 -- Magi
%%
We all know that art is not truth.  Art is the lie that makes us realize
truth -- at least the truth that is given us to understand.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
%%
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
%%
We all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
We all live in a mellow subroutine.
%%
We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.
 -- Decimus Junius Juvenalis
%%
We all live in a yellow object method!!!
%%
We all live in a yellow submarine.
%%
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
%%
We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
 -- Dr. Konrad Adenauer
%%
We all say so, so it must be true.
 -- the Bandar-log (monkey tribe), in Rudyard Kipling's _Jungle Book_
%%
We all voted for losers. Bush & Perot lost & Clinton is 1.
%%
We all want our friends to tell us our bad qualities; it is only
the particular ass that does so that we can't tolerate.
 -- William James
%%
We all worry about the population explosion -- but we don't worry about it at
 the right time.
 -- Arthur Hoppe
%%
We already did this function.
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message
%%
Wealth buys leisure, but not wisdom.
 -- Sophocles
%%
Wealth is chiefly convenient for emergencies.
 -- Emerson
%%
Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
Wealth is not without its advantages, and the case to the contrary,
although it has often been made, has never proved widely persuasive.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Wealth should come like manna from heaven, unearned and uncalled for. Money
should be like grace--a gift. It is not worth sweating and scheming for.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
We always admire the other fellow more
after we have tried to do his job.
 -- William Feather, author and publisher
%%
We always get bored with those whom we bore.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We always have a solution... sometimes it does not fit the problem.
%%
We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 294
%%
We always might win ... because the others might lose.
%%
We always remember best the irrelevant.
%%
We always thought there was something a little weird about Scooby Doo, but we
didn't realize he was in oppression-denial.
 -- The New Republic, discussing Feminists for Animal Rights
%%
We Americans want peace, and it is now evident that we must be
prepared to demand it.   For other peoples have wanted peace, and the
peace they received was the peace of death.
 -- the Most Rev. Francis J. Spellman, Archbishop of New
York.   22 September, 1940
%%
We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb
 your cities.
 -- Robin Williams, _Good Morning Vietnam_
%%
We, and all others who believe in freedom as deeply as we do, would
rather die on our feet than live on our knees.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Letter to Viscount Halifax, June 19,
1941
%%
We... anticipate what's to come, then ignore what's actually here.
 -- Stephan Rechtschaffen, MD, Timeshifting (1996)
%%
We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles.  Those responsible for
sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
We apologize for the previous apology...
%%
WEAPON:
       An index of the lack of development of a culture.
%%
We apply ourselves to perfection of That.
%%
Wear armor, going naked seems to offend public decency in here.
%%
Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.
%%
Wear burn suit and helmet on Mass. Pike.
 -- MA Driving #3
%%
We are, after all, professionals.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
We are a kind of posterity in respect to them.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Letter to William Strahan, 1745
%%
We are all afraid -- for our confidence, for the future, for the world.
That is the nature of the human imagination.  Yet every man, every
civilization, has gone forward because of its engagement with what it
has set itself to do.
 -- Jacob Bronowski
%%
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy.  The question which
divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being
correct.  My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough.
 -- Niels Bohr (1885-1962) to Albert Einstein
%%
We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us.
 -- George Eliot
%%
We are all better than we know; if only we can be brought to realise this,
we may never again be prepared to settle for anything less.
 -- Kurt Hahn, co-founder of Outward Bound
%%
We are all born mad. some remain so.
 -- Samuel Beckett
%%
   We are all born with the same mark below,
And the bigger it is, the more we know:
If you could see it, soon would nature show
All the great wonders she can do for us.

  Therefore, be willing, ladies, all of you,
To learn the harm that these our snakes can do,
And all the remedies that you should know
In order to escape some bad distress
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), "Snake Charmers"
%%
We are all bozos on the bus of life, lunatics every one, but there is a
 difference; the one who can analyze his own delusion is often called a
 learned person, a philosopher.
%%
We are all children in a vast kindergarden trying to spell God's name
with the wrong alphabet blocks.
 -- Tennessee Williams, "Suddenly Last Summer"
%%
We are all clever enough at envying a famous man while he is yet alive,
and at praising him when he is dead.
 -- Mimnermus (Tragedian)
 -- Frag. 1
%%
We are all descendents of Adam and we are all products of racial
miscegenation.
 -- Lester B. Pearson
%%
We are all driven into the same fold.
 -- Horace (8 BC)
%%
We are all dying -- and we're gonna be dead for a long time.
%%
We are all free to choose the inevitable.
%%
We are all God's children--by a previous marriage.
%%
We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others by their acts.
%%
We are all interested in the future because that is where you and I
will be spending the rest of our lives...
 -- "Criswell" in "Plan 9 From Outer Space"
%%
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), "Lady Windermere's Fan", 1892
%%
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
 -- Eduardo Galeano
%%
We are All of Borg: Bob will be assimilated!
%%
We are all of us the victims of a higher power--a power more
evil and more terrible than the human brain can imagine.
 -- Theodore Maxtible, EVIL OF THE DALEKS
%%
We are all omnibuses in which our ancestors ride, and every now and then
one of them stickes his head out and embarrasses us.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
We are all ONE, say the gurus. Aye, I might agree--but one WHAT?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
We are all ready to be savage in some cause.  The difference between a
good man and a bad one is the choice of the cause.
 -- William James
%%
We are all related...relatively speaking.
%%
We are all self-made, but only the rich will admit it.
%%
We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness.
 -- Dr. Albert Schweitzer
%%
We are all special cases.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
We are all terrible little creatures.
 -- Martin Amis
%%
We are all tired of being stuck on this cosmical speck with its
monotonous ocean, leaden sky and single moon that is half
useless....so it seems to me that the future glory of the human race
lies in the exploration of at least the solar system!
 -- John Jacob Astor, 1894
%%
We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
We are always getting ready to live, but never living.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Journals"
%%
We are always the same age inside.
%%
We are a nation of rugged individualists. Daniel Boone, Charles Lindburgh,
 Ross Perot, Henry Ford, Anne Oakley, Ameilia Erhardt, Sally Rand...and yet
 the latest census bureau survey finds that 18 million American single
 adults between the ages of 18 and 34 are living at home with mommy and
 daddy!
%%
We are ancients of the earth,
And in the morning of the times.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- L'Envoi
%%
We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.
 -- Ray Bradbury
%%
We are anthill men upon an anthill world.
 -- Ray Bradbury
%%
We are Arsenio of Borg. Resistance makes us go "Hmmmm..."
%%
We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
 -- Whole Earth Catalog
%%
We are, because God is.
%%
 WE ARE BORG.  RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.  YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
 But we're not home right now.  So leave a message at the tone,
 and we'll assimilate you later.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
We are born believing.  A man bears beliefs, as a tree bears beauty.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
We are born crying, live complaining, die disappointed.
%%
We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.
%%
We are born to inquire after truth; it belongs to a greater power
to possess it. It is not, as Democritus said, hid in the bottom of
the deeps, but rather elevated to an infinite height in the divine
knowledge.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
We are born with our eyes closed and our mouths open, and we spend our
whole lives trying to reverse that mistake of nature.
 -- Dale E. Turner
%%
We are born with wisdom, stupidity is acquired.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
We are bound to our bodies like an oyster is to its shell.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
We are Buffy of Borg! Prepare to be, like, TOTALLY assimilated, ok?
%%
We are built to conquer environment, solve problems, achieve goals,
and we find no real satisfaction or happiness in life
without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve.
 -- Maxwell Maltz, from Psycho-Cybernetics
%%
We are by nature all as one, all alike, if you see us naked.
 -- Burton, Anatomy of Melancholy
%%
We are Canadians of Borg. Beer is relevant, eh? Take off, hoser!
%%
We are citizens of the world: and the tragedy of our times is that
we do not know this.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
We are closer to the ants than to the butterflies.
Very few people can endure much leisure.
 -- Gerald Brenan
%%
We are cold to others only when we are dull in ourselves.
%%
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
 -- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
%%
We are convinced that ... foreign capital will fulfill the role that
Marx predicted for it ... with every additional shovel of coal, with
every additional load of oil that we in Russia obtain through the help
of foreign technique, capital will be digging its own grave.
 -- L. B. Kamanev
%%
We are Daleks of Borg. ASSIMILATE! ASSI-MIL-ATE!!!!!!!
%%
We are Daleks of Borg. Davros is irrelevant.
%%
We are Dave of Borg: Myra will be assimilated!
%%
- "We are deeply shocked..."
                         Mikhail Gorbachev (USSR) (gorby@kremlin.gov.su)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then
go with the drove.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
We are doing the right thing and we do not see the bad things.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle pretending he is one of the
                   wise monkeys.
%%
We are drawn to our television sets each April the way we are drawn to
 the scene of an accident.
 -- Vincent Canby on the Academy Awards
%%
We are drowning in information and starved for knowledge.
%%
We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly
by embracing one another.
 -- Luciano de Crescenzo
%%
We are ensnared by the wisdom of the serpent; we are set free by the
foolishness of God.
 -- Saint Augustine (354-430)
 -- On Christian doctrine (396-427)
%%
We are everywhere.
%%
We are experiencing synaptical difficulties--please stand by
%%
We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal.
%%
We are experiencing technical difficulties, please do not adjust your set. We
will attempt to return to our regularly scheduled program as soon as possible.
%%
We are faced with an insurmountable opportunity.
 -- W. Kelley
%%
We are faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised
as impossible situations.
%%
We are far from home. Our ship is the MONDOR. It is broken. We look
  for things. Things that make us go. We need help.
 -- Grebnedlog, "Samaritan Snare", stardate 42779.1
%%
We are firm believers in the maxim that for all right judgment of
any man or thing it is useful, nay, essential, to see his good qualities
before pronouncing on his bad.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Goethe, Edinburgh Review, 1828
%%
We are gathered here to pay tribute to out lord and money unto me.
%%
We are getting into semantics again.  If we use words, there is
a lot of relatives on the train for home.
%%
We are getting into semantics again.  If we use words, there is a very grave
danger they will be misinterpreted.
 -- H. R. Haldeman, testifying in his own defense.
%%
We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese
dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.
 -- J. Edgar Hoover (1895-1972)
%%
We are going out! But we shall do it as proper vampires!
%%
We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to
socialism, because socialism is defunct.  It dies all by itself.  The
bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say
socialism?
 -- Fidel Castro
%%
We are going to have peace, and by golly, if necessary, I'll beat the
 stuffings out of anyone who says we are not going to have peace. Sometimes,
 when you want something bad enough, you just have to fight for it - that's
 the way it is with peace.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
 -- Dwight D Eisenhower
%%
We Are Hard Pressed On Every Side, But Not Crushed.
 -- 2 Cor 4:8
%%
We are having qdaemon problems, would like to reboot.
%%
We are having technical difficulties
%%
We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.
 -- K. Trout
%%
We are here and it is now.  Further than that all human knowledge is
 moonshine.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
We are here on earth to do good for others. What the others are here
for, I don't know.
 -- W. H. Auden.
%%
We are here to help others, but what the others are here for I cannot say.
 -- W.H. Auden
%%
We are holding Elvis's brain hostage on Planet Zork.
 -- Bloom County
%%
We are hopelessly enchanted.  Blame it on the angels.
Blame it on our wild hearts!
%%
We are hypnotised into believing that two TV sets
will make us twice as happy as one TV set.
 -- Laura Huxley (wife of Aldous)
%%
We are in bondage to the law so that we may be free.
%%
We are in business to make money.
Our problem is that the Japanese make money to be in business.
 -- Gascoyne
%%
We are inclined to believe those we do not know, because they have
never deceived us.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
We are in fact going...to France!
France!...Oh, but Edmund, surely France has already been discovered? By
  the French, for a start....?
 -- Edmund and Percy : Potato
%%
We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren't drinkin' aren't
hittin'.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
We are interested in artificial intelligence because there
is so much less of the natural kind around there days.
%%
We are interested in others when they are interested in us.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 16
%%
We are in the process of buying a home. When you buy a home you deal with
 realtors. Realtors are people who did not make it as used-car salesmen.
 -- Bob Newhart
%%
We are in this world to help each other.
 -- Sister Alma
%%
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average
 star.   But we can understand the Universe.  That makes us something very
 special.
 -- Stephen W. Hawking, Der Spiegel, 1989
%%
We are just tenants on this world.   We have just been given a new
lease, and a warning from the landlord.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
 -- 2010
%%
We are leaders of the world of the space program.
We have been the leaders of the world of our... of the space program
and we're not going to continue where we're going to go, not withstanding
the Soviet Union's demise and collapse - the former Soviet Union - we now
have independent republics which used to be called the Soviet Union.
Space is the next frontier to be explored. And we're going to explore.
Think of all the things we rely upon in space today: communications
from... Japan, detection of potential ballistic missile attacks. Ballistic
missiles are still here. Other nations do have ballistic missiles. How do
you think we were able to detect some of the Scud missiles and things like
that?  Space, reconnaissance, weather, communications - you name it. We
use space a lot today.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
We are learning how to make our election results known quicker and
quicker.  It is our campaigns we are having trouble getting any shorter.
%%
We are locked into a system of "fouling our own nest," so long as
we behave as independent, rational free-enterprisers.
 -- Garrett Hardin
%%
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past,
but by the responsibility for our future.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
We are merely mildew on the shower curtain of life.
%%
We are Microsoft.  OS/2 is irrelevant.
UNIX is irrelevant. Openness is futile.  Prepare to be assimilated.
%%
We are Microsoft. You will be assimilated.
%%
We are morally superior to _all_ conservatives.
 -- Liberal Rule #38
%%
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
 -- Seneca
%%
We are more heavily taxed by our idleness, pride and folly than we
are taxed by government.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
We are more sensible of what is done against custom than against Nature.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Eating of Flesh, Tract 1
%%
We are moving to Vax 19.
They say its a mean machine.
We are moving tonight,
So I hope its alright.
If we run it remains to be seen!
%%
We are ne'er like angels till our passion dies.
 -- Thomas Dekker (1572-1632)
 -- The Honest Whore, Part ii, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
We are never so happy or so unhappy as we suppose.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 49
%%
We are no more than candles burning in the wind.
 -- Japanese Proverb
%%
We are none of us wise; we are all on the way to wisdom.
%%
We are not abandoning our convictions, our philosophy or traditions,
nor do we urge anyone to abandon theirs.
 -- Mikhail Gorbachev, UN address, 7 December 1988
%%
We are not a clone.
%%
We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts,
foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation
that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in
an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
We are not alone.
%%
We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.
 -- John Fisher
%%
We are not anticipating any emergencies.
%%
"We are not endeavoring to chain the future but to free the present. ...
We are the advocates of inquiry, investigation, and thought. ... It is
grander to think and investigate for yourself than to repeat a creed.
... I look for the day when *reason*, throned upon the world's brains,
shall be the King of Kings and the God of Gods.
 -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
We are not human beings on a spiritual journey.  We are spiritual
beings on a human journey.
 -- Stephen Covey
%%
We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with.  We
already have capacities, talents, direction, missions, callings.
 -- Abraham Maslow
%%
We are not killers.
 -- Chekov, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield," stardate 5730.6.
%%
We are NOT lost! I know EXACTLY where we are! Where are we? We're lost.
%%
We are not lost, we are here.
 -- Northrope Frye
%%
We are not primarily on this earth to see through one another, but
to see one another through.
%%
We are not punished for our sins, but by them.
%%
We are not qualified to be your judges.  We have no law to fit your crime.
 -- Picard to Kevin, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
We are NOT schizophrenic!! So there! And there!
%%
We are not so concerned with *what* the members of the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints think, as we are *that* they think.
 -- Hugh B. Brown said something like this.
%%
We are NOT surrounded.  We are in a target-rich environment.
%%
We are NOVELL. You will be Networked. Resistence is Futile.
%%
We are now crusing at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to
one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we
are sure what is normal anyway.  Thank you.  Two to the power of twenty
thousand to one against and falling.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
We aren't disorganized.
We have an organization which is beyond comprehension.
%%
We aren't going to remake the world.
 -- President George Bush, after meeting Li Peng, the butcher of Tiananmen
%%
We aren't sure how clouds form.  But they know, that is what counts.
%%
We are often most in the dark when we are the most certain, and most
enligthened when we are the most confused.
 -- M. S. Peck
%%
We are on a roll Cavorting on the Butter.
%%
We are on a threshold of a change in the universe comparable to the transition
 from nonlife to life.
 -- Hans Moravec (on artificial intelligence)
%%
We are only what we feel.
 -- Neil Young
%%
We are on strike against those who believe that one man must exist for
the sake of another ... our terms are a moral code which holds that man
is an end in himself and not the means to any end of others ... The mind
is evil?  We have withdrawn the works of our minds from society ...
Ability is a selfish evil that leaves no chance to those who are less
able?  We have withdrawn from the competition and left all chances open
to incompetents.  The pursuit of wealth is greed, the root of all evil?
We do not seek to make fortunes any longer.
 -- John Galt
%%
We are on strike.  Why should this seem so startling?  There is only
one kind of men who have never been on strike in human history.  Every
other kind and class have stopped, when they so wished, and have
presented demands to the world, claiming to be indispensable -- except
the men who have carried the world on their shoulders, have kept it
alive, have endured torture as sole payment, but have never walked out
on the human race.  Well, their turn has come.     Let the world discover
who they are, what they do, and what happens when they refuse to
function.  This is the strike of the men of the mind, Miss Taggart,
this is the mind on strike.
 -- John Galt
%%
We are on the brink of descruc- destruction.
 -- Doctor, Edge of Destruction
%%
We are on the verge: Today our program proved
 Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
WE ARE OPEN LABOR DAY!
 -- Sign in a maternity clothes store
%%
We are ... opposed to all forms of birth control with the exception of natural
 family planning [the rhythm method.]
 -- Judie Brown, President, American Life Lobby
%%
We are perfect, but the code is terrible.
 -- Microsoft Software Developer
%%
We are phasing in a "paperless office."
We are starting with the restrooms.
%%
We are prepared to go to the gates of hell - but no further.
%%
We are reaching the stage where the problems we must solve are going to
become insoluble without computers.  I do not fear computers.  I fear
the lack of them.
 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, September 1990
%%
We are ready to try our fortunes
To the last man.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
We are restless because of incessant change, but we would be frightened
if change were stopped.
 -- Lyman Lloyd Bryson
%%
Wearers of rings and chains!
Pray do not take the pains
  To set me right.
In vain my faults ye quote;
I write as others wrote
  On Sunium's hight.
 -- Walter Savage Landor (1775-1864)
 -- The last Fruit of an old Tree, Epigram cvi
%%
We are ships that pass in the night.
%%
We are Siamese if you please. *(.)* *(.)*
%%
We are simple killers of people and destroyers of property.
 -- Col. Wm. Whitaker  (USAF), 3/3/83
%%
We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
We are sorry.  We cannot complete your call as dialed.  Please check
the number and dial again or ask your operator for assistance.

This is a recording.
%%
We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care
 for.
 -- Marie Ebner von Eschenbach
%%
We are spirits clad in veils;
  Man by man was never seen;
All our deep communing fails
  To remove the shadowy screen.
 -- Christopher P. Cranch (1813-?)
 -- Stanzas
%%
We are spirits in the material world.
 -- The Police
%%
We are stardust
  we are golden
    we are caught in the Devil's bargain
  and we've got to get ourselves back to the Garden.
%%
We are starting a movement in the state legislatures...to forbid the
 installation of clinics that dispense contraceptives.
 -- Phyllis Schlafly, President, Eagle Forum
%%
We are still speaking the same language,
but neither of us is hearing the other.
 -- Hafez Assad, on Syrian relations with Egypt, in "Time", 3 April 1989
%%
... We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
 -- William Shakespeare, The Tempest
%%
 We are survival machines --robot vehicles blindly programmed to
    preserve the selfish molecules known as genes.
 -- Richard Dawkings:
 -- The Selfish Gene
%%
We are symbols, and inhabit symbols.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "The Poet"
%%
We are taught by great actions that the universe is the property of
every individual in it.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
We are Telix of Borg, no other comm programs need be assimulated...
%%
We are the Beerg. You will be inebriated,...uh, BURGP!
%%
We are the beta testers of the universe.
%%
We are the Borgs who say NIH!  Prepare to assimilate...A SHRUBBERY!
%%
We are the Emergency Broadcast System, gone amuck.
%%
We are the living links in a life force that moves and plays around
and through us, binding the deepest soils with the farthest stars.
 -- Alan Chadwick
%%
We are the miracle of force and matter making itself over into imagination
and will. Incredible. The Life Force experimenting with forms. You for one.
Me for another. The Universe has shouted itself alive. We are one of the
shouts.
 -- Ray Bradbury, "G.B.S. - Mark V"
%%
We are the Nubs...beat it, you guys!
%%
We are the people our parents warned us about.
%%
We are the people our parents warned us about and the ones we will warn our
children about.
%%
We are the unwilling... led by the unqualified...
to do the unnecessary... for the ungrateful...
 -- GI in Vietnam (1970)
%%
We are those who do not disconnect the values of our minds from the
actions of our bodies, those who do not leave their values to empty
dreams, but bring them into existence, those who give material form
to thoughts, and reality to values -- those who make steel, railroads,
and happiness.
 -- Dagny Taggart
%%
We are tied down to a language which makes up in obscurity what it lacks in
style.
%%
We are tomorrow's past.
 -- Mary Webb
%%
We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.
%%
We are totally opposed to abortion under any circumstances.   We are opposed
 to abortifacient drugs and chemicals like the Pill and the IUD, and we are
 also opposed to all forms of birth control with the exception of natural
 family planning.
 -- Judie Brown, President, American Life League, Population Institute
     advertisement, How Dense Can We Get?, The New York Times, 10/6/85,
      as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned
      Parenthood pamphlet
%%
We are upping our standards ---- up yours too!
 -- Pat Paulsen ( while running for President )
%%
We are waiting for the long-promised invasion.  So are the fishes.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
We are what we are and it's never enough.
 -- Chris de Burgh
%%
We are what we do, not what we say.
%%
We are what we pretend to be.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
%%
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
 -- Aristotle
%%
We are wise enugh to know we are wise enough not to interfere with
the way of a man or another world.
 -- Kirk, "A Private Little War," stardate 4211.8
%%
We ARGO ing to get in trouble.....
%%
Weariness
Can snore upon the flint, when resty sloth
Finds the down pillow hard.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Cymbeline
 -- Act iii, Sc. 6
%%
Wearing a dress was Phil Donahue's way of dethroning Oprah Winfrey as Queen
 of the Talk Shows.
%%
Wearing all that weight
Of learning lightly like a flower.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, Conclusion, Stanza 10
%%
Wearing a sweatshirt inside-out is deemed a "threatening misdemeanor"
in Half-Moon Bay.
%%
Wear me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong
as death, passion cruel as the grave; it blazes up like blazing fire, fiercer
than any flame.
 -- Song of Solomon 8:6 (NEB)
%%
Wear natural fibers.  Hug your cat.
%%
WEAR-OUT BITS n. A hypothetical (and sought after) mechanism by which
software houses could charge for software preventive maintenance, and thus
make a fortune. The idea is that some instructions in the machine would
become softwarily unreliable after N executions. However, having software
specialists come over to a shop and 'brush the wear-out bits' every so often
would prevent this from happening.
%%
Wear the old coat and buy the new book.
 -- Austin Phelps
%%
We artists are indestructible; even in a prison, or in a concentration
camp, I would be almighty in my own world of art, even if I had to
paint my pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973), Der Monat (December, 1949)
%%
Weary is the path that does not challange.  Doubt is an incentive to truth and
patient inquiry leadeth the way.
%%
:weasel: n. [Cambridge] A naive user, one who deliberately or
   accidentally does things that are stupid or ill-advised.  Roughly
   synonymous with {loser}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
We ask advice, but we mean approbation.
 -- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
We asked for a few good men and look at what we got.
%%
We asked for Mojo Nixon, they said "He don't work here"
%%
We ate, we drank, and we were merry.
And we got typhoid and dysentery.
%%
WEATHER
  Environmental conditions which necessitate the wearing of whatever
  article/s of clothing you just happen not to have brought with you.
  This is because weather has an average unpredictability factor of
  97%.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Weather is a great bluffer.  I guess the same is true of our human
society -- things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds,
and all is changed.
 -- E. B. White
%%
WEATHERMEN do it with crystal balls
%%
WEATHER, n.  The climate of the hour.  A permanent topic of
conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have
inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal
ancestors whom it keenly concerned.  The setting up official weather
bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments
are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

    Once I dipt into the future far as human eye could see,
    And I saw the Chief Forecaster, dead as any one can be --
    Dead and damned and shut in Hades as a liar from his birth,
    With a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth.
    While I looked he reared him solemnly, that incadescent youth,
    From the coals that he'd preferred to the advantages of truth.
    He cast his eyes about him and above him; then he wrote
    On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote --
    For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow:
    "Cloudy; variable winds, with local showers; cooler; snow."
                                                         Halcyon Jones
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Weave the warp, and weave the woof,
  The winding-sheet of Edward's race.
Give ample room and verge enough
  The characters of hell to trace.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, II, 1, Line 1
%%
We barely have time to react in this world, let alone rehearse.
 -- Ani Difranco, Letter to a John
%%
webbing: rope that has been stepped on so many times it is flat.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
We bear it calmly, though a ponderous woe,
And still adore the hand that gives the blow.
 -- John Pomfret (1667-1703)
 -- Verses to his Friend under Affliction
%%
We believe he wanted to win in the worst way.
 -- Seminole County, Fla., Sheriff Don Eslinger on a state representative
     challenger charged with attempted murder of his opponent
%%
We believe men should fight their own battles.  Only the weak will die.
 -- Proconsul Marcus Claudius, "Bread and Circuses," stardate 4041.2.
%%
We believe that a centre party would have no roots, no principles,
 no philosophy and no values.
%%
We believe that an informed citizenry will act for life and not for death.
 -- Albert Einstein on atomic energy, Jan. 22, 1947
%%
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous
generation and study of rocks.
%%
We be of one blood, ye and i.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
We blow up REAL good.
%%
We both be at our wittes end.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. viii
%%
We both have WAY too much time on our hands.
%%
"We bring back departed soles."
 -- Sign in a shoe repair shop
%%
Webster's Words: Dick Shunnary
%%
We build bodies that last a lifetime.
%%
We burn daylight.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
We call it only pretty Fanny's way.
 -- Thomas Parnell (1679-1717)
 -- An Elegy to an Old Beauty
%%
We call it software because we can't keep it up.
%%
We call our dog Egypt, because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
%%
We came.   We saw.  We kicked its ass.
 -- Bill Murray, _Ghostbusters_
%%
We Came, We Scanned, We Assimilated.
 -- Caesar Borg
%%
We can all sink or we all float, 'cause we're all in the same big boat.
 -- Sting
%%
We can be absolutely certain only about things we do not understand.
 -- Eric Hoffer, The True Believer
%%
We can be knowledgeable with other men's knowledge,
but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom.
 -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
We can defeat gravity.  The problem is the paperwork involved.
%%
We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion, just as effectively
as by bombs.
 -- Kenneth Clark
%%
We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
 -- Mother Teresa
%%
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark;
the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.
 -- Plato
%%
We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.
 -- Yates
%%
We can found no scientific discipline, nor a healthy profession on the
technical mistakes of the Department of Defense and IBM.
 -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
We can gain no lasting peace if we approach it with suspicion and
mistrust or with fear.  We can gain it only if we proceed with the
understanding, the confidence, and the courage which flow from conviction.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Fourth Inaugural Address, Jan. 20, 1945
%%
We can haggle over compensation later.
 -- Quark
%%
We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking
without facts.
 -- John Dewey
%%
We can invent only with memory.
 -- Alphonse Karr
%%
We can keep it up FOREVER!
%%
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
 -- Wernher von Braun, commenting on bureaucracy
%%
We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt.
 -- Sign on bank
%%
We can make majors and officers every year, but not scholars; kings
can invest knights and barons, as Sigismund the emperor confessed.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 15
%%
We can never be sure that the opinion we are endeavoring to stifle is a
false opinion; and if we were sure, stifling it would be an evil still.
 -- John Stuart Mill, "On Liberty"
%%
We can never tell what is in store for us.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
We can no more blame our loss of freedom on congressmen than we can
 prostitution on pimps.   Both simply provide broker services for their
 customers.
 -- Dr. W Williams
%%
We cannot all be masters, nor all masters
Cannot be truly follow'd.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
We cannot allow any race as greedy and corruptible as yours to have
  free run of the galaxy.
 -- Norman the android, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
We cannot assert the innocence of anyone, whereas we can state with
certainty the guilt of all. Every man testifies to the crime of all
the others - that is my faith and hope.
 -- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
 -- The Fall (1957)
%%
 We cannot be free men if this is, by our national crisis,
to be a land of slavery.   Those who deny freedom to others deserve
it not for themselves.
 -- -Abraham Lincoln
%%
We cannot be held responsible if you mistake this tagline for a disclaimer.
%%
We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.
 -- Edward R. Murrow
%%
We cannot direct the wind...But we can adjust the sails.
%%
We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
 -- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
%%
We cannot fight against collectivism, unless we fight against its
moral base:  altruism.       We cannot fight against altruism, unless we
fight against its epistemological base:  irrationalism.  We cannot
fight against anything, unless we fight for something -- and what
we must fight for is the supremacy of reason, and a view of man as
a rational being.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
We cannot hold mortality's strong hand.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
We cannot live only for ourselves.  A thousand fibers connect us with
our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our
actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.
 -- Herman Melville
%%
We cannot prove that those are in error who tell us that society has
reached a turning point, that we have seen our best days. But so said
all before us, and with just as much reason. On what principle is
it that, When we see nothing but improvement behind us, we are to
expect nothing but deterioration before us?
 -- Lord Thomas Babington (1800-1859)
%%
We cannot put off living until we are ready.   The most salient characteristic
 of life is its coerciveness; it is always urgent, here and now, without any
 possible postponement.    Life is fired at us point blank.
 -- Ortega y Gasset
%%
We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is
deceased.  My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.
 -- James E. Day, Postmaster General
%%
We cannot really be for something we don't understand.
%%
We cannot stop at the foothills when Everest lies ahead.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
We cannot tell whether Hitler will be the man who will once again
let loose upon the world another war in which civilization will irretrievably
succumb, or whether he will go down in history as the man who restored
honour and peace of mind to the great Germanic nation...
 -- Winston Churchill, Great Contemporaries, 1937
%%
We cannot unthink unless we are insane.
 -- Arthur Koestler
%%
We can predict everything, except the future.
%%
We can save the seals if we all club together.
%%
We can say nothing but what hath been said.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
We can see now that we Americans were caught unprepared, because
we were ordinary human beings, following the best advice we had at
the time.  No one would have guessed in 1941 that we would be attacked
in such an unsportsmanlike manner as we were.  No one could have visualized
Pearl Harbor, either out there or in Washington.  But if we had known
then what we know now, we would have expected an attack in 1941.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt,
 -- Speaking at the Naval Air Force Station in Adak, Alaska, August 3, 1944
%%
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap
 as they go by.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
We can't allow the people to interfere with the smooth flow of democracy.
 -- Kitchener city council member
%%
We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary
Americans...
 -- President William Jefferson Clinton, USA TODAY 11 Mar 1993
%%
We can't change, but we can expand.
 -- Nelson
%%
"We can't escape the long arm of education!"
    "Where can we hide?"
"Better ask a farmer!"
 -- Matt Feazall's send-up of ZOT!
%%
 We can't get to the phone right now because we were killed in
 the earthquake.  Tragic, isn't it?  But, leave a message anyway,
 someone is sure to get it eventually.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
We can't go back, and we can't stay here.
 -- Picard
%%
We can throw out constant factors as we want.
%%
We can't leave the haphazard to chance.
 -- N.F. Simpson
%%
We can't really be wrong if we're just following Gods orders
 You know, He wrote this book here
 And in this book He says that He made us to be just like Him
 So if we're dumb, then God's dumb (and perhaps a little ugly on the side)
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
We can't schedule an orgy, it might be construed as fighting.
 -- Stanley Sutton
%%
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used
when we created them.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
We can't spell "s ccess" without U. 
%%
We can't stop!  Its too dangerous!  We have to slow down first!
%%
We can turn a man into a woman, but we CAN'T cure cancer?
%%
We can walk our road together,
If our goals are all the same.
We can run alone and free,
If we pursue a different aim.

Let the truth of love be lighted.
Let the love of truth shine clear.
Sensibility, armed with sense and liberty,
With the heart and mind united
In a single, perfect sphere.
 -- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
     We care a lot / About the welfare of all you boys and girls
       We care a lot / About you people 'cause we're out to save the world.
      It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it...
 -- Faith No More
%%
We certainly have a right to exercise control over our own bodies.
You'll get no argument from me.
 -- Riker and Dr. Pulaski, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
We changed with the times, so we can't blame the children
for just joining the times without even having to change.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
We change not from seeing the light;but feeling the heat.
%%
We chased our pleasures here, dug out treasures there. Can you still recall
 the time we cried?    Break on through to the other side.
 -- The Doors
%%
We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you.
%%
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for
ours to amuse them.
 -- Evelyn Waugh
%%
We chose to go to the moon in this decade, and do the other things, not
because they are easy, but because they are hard.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
We come and go just like ripples in a stream.
 -- John V. Politis
%%
We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility.
%%
We compound our suffering by victimising each other.
 -- Athol Fugard, in "The Observer", 1971
%%
We confess little faults in order to suggest that we have no big ones.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We control the horizontal, we control the vertical, we can make the
picture into a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity.
%%
We could be so happy you and me.
%%
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
 -- from the best-loved quotes of Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
We could easily stop a whole lot of illegal immigration into this country,
simply by putting out for all to see on a fence post the common ordinary
IRS Form 1040.
%%
    We could have saved [the Earth] but we were too damned
cheap.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut
%%
We could jam in Joe's Garage...
%%
We could really bust some heads--in a spiritual sense, of course.
%%
We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us,
with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell
of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.
 -- Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard
%%
We cultivate literature on a little oatmeal.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 23
%%
We cut nature up, organize it into concepts, and ascribe significances as
we do, largely because we are parties to an agreement to organize it in
this way - an agreement that holds through our speech community and is
codified in the patterns of our language.
 -- Benjamin Lee Whorf
%%
We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
%%
We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
We dare not tempt them with weakness.  For only when our arms are sufficient
 beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed."
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963), (from his Inaugural Address)
%%
We'd better get out of here in a hurry!
%%
Wedding is destiny,
And hanging likewise.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
Wedding March:  19th Century, England

     The traditional church wedding features two bridal marches, by two
different classical composers.
     The bride walks down the aisle to the majestic, moderately paced
music of the "Bridal Chorus" from Richard Wagner's 1848 opera
"Lohengrin".  The newlyweds exit to the more jubilant, upbeat strains of
the "Wedding March" from Felix Mendelssohn's "A Midsummer Night's
Dream."
     The custom dates back to the royal marriage, in 1858, of Victoria,
princess of Great Britain, and Empress of Germany, to Prince Frederick
William of Prussia.  Victoria, eldest daughter of Britain's Queen
Victoria, selected the music herself.  A patron of the arts, she valued
the works of Mendelssohn and practically venerated those of Wagner.
Given the British penchant for copying the monarchy, soon brides
throughout the Isles, nobility and commoners alike, were marching to
Victoria's drummer, establishing a Western wedding tradition.
%%
WEDDING, n.  A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one,
one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become
supportable.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Wedding-reception food, whether served at tables or presented at a buffet,
 should be stuff that's easy to throw up, like spaghetti.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
Wedding Ring: A tourniquet worn on the left hand to stop circulation.
 -- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs.
%%
Weddings rarely go off without a hitch.
%%
Wedding: The point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins
 roasting her.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
We dedicated ourselves to a powerful idea -- organic law rather than naked
 power.  There seems to be universal acceptance of that idea in the nation.
 -- Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart
%%
We dedicate this book to our fellow citizens who, for love of truth, take
from their own wants by taxes and gifts, and now and then send forth one of
themselves as dedicated servant, to forward the search into the mysteries
and marvelous simplicities of this strange and beautiful Universe, Our home.
 -- Misner, Thorne, and Wheeler, "Gravitation"
%%
We delivered our child via natural childbirth, the procedure invented by a
 man named Lamaze--the Marquis de Lamaze, a disciple of Dr. Josef Mengele,
 who concluded that women could counteract the incredible pain of childbirth
 through breathing. I think we can all agree that breathing is a reasonable
 substitute for anesthesia. That's like asking a man to tolerate a vasectomy
 by hyperventilating.

 Lamaze expects the husband--me--to be there, so that I can witness this
 festivity. I did not want to be there. This was remarkably painful for my
 wife. There was nothing my presence could really do to relieve her pain. In
 other words, I didn't see why my evening should be ruined too.
 -- Dennis Wolfberg
%%
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
 -- Douglas Adams
 -- Vroomfondel
%%
We demand source because we've been burned too much by its lack, not because
 we have this desire to add custom hacks to our kernels or utilities. Believe
 me, we'd all like to run stock systems, straight off the vendor distribution
 tapes; it'd be significantly less work.   But our users have this liking for
 working systems and prompt fixes for the bugs they find, neither of which the
 vendors we buy from have been particularly good in supplying.
 -- cks@hawkwind.utcs.toronto.edu
%%
We deserve, and demand, truth, instead of posturing!
%%
We desire nothing so much as what we ought not to have.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 559
%%
:wedged: adj. 1. To be stuck, incapable of proceeding without
   help.  This is different from having crashed.  If the system has
   crashed, it has become totally non-functioning.  If the system is
   wedged, it is trying to do something but cannot make progress; it
   may be capable of doing a few things, but not be fully
   operational.  For example, a process may become wedged if it
   {deadlock}s with another (but not all instances of wedging are
   deadlocks).  See also {gronk}, {locked up}, {hosed}.
   2. Often refers to humans suffering misconceptions.  "He's totally
   wedged --- he's convinced that he can levitate through
   meditation."  3. [UNIX] Specifically used to describe the state of
   a TTY left in a losing state by abort of a screen-oriented program
   or one that has messed with the line discipline in some obscure
   way.

   There is some dispute over the origin of this term.  It is usually
   thought to derive from a common description of recto-cranial
   inversion; however, it may actually have originated with older
   `hot-press' printing technology in which physical type elements
   were locked into type frames with wedges driven in by mallets.
   Once this had been done, no changes in the typesetting for that
   page could be made.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:wedgie: [Fairchild] n. A bug.  Prob. related to {wedged}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:wedgitude: /wedj'i-t[y]ood/ n. The quality or state of being
   {wedged}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
We did it our way, baby.
 -- Barry Switzer, head coach, Dallas Cowboys
%%
We didn't all come over on the same ship, but we're all in the same boat.
%%
We didn't get to be the air-conditioning capitol of America by luck.
%%
We didn't order those new ladders either. I issued them to the men
  yesterday and they were absolutely thrilled, isn't that right, men?
Yes, sir. First solid fuel we've had since we burnt the cat!
 -- George and Baldrick : Captain Cook
%%
We didn't volunteer for this mission.  Kzinti and humans, we make poor
slaves.
 -- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
We die only once, and for such a long time.
 -- Moliere
%%
We dissect nature along lines laid down by our native language.  Language is
not simply a reporting device for experience but a defining framework for it.
 -- Benjamin Whorf
%%
We dive at five.
%%
We'd like to make a deal with the computer. We promise not to fold,
spindle or mutilate if it will stop asking us to sign our name over
those little holes in the space marked for signature.
%%
Wedlock, indeed, hath oft compared been
  To public feasts, where meet a public rout,--
Where they that are without would fain go in,
  And they that are within would fain go out.
 -- Sir John Davies (1570-1626)
 -- Contention betwixt a Wife, etc
%%
We'd love to stay and chat but we have to go to the lobby and wait
for the limo.
 -- Spinal Tap
%%
We [Doctors and Bartenders] both get the same two kinds of
  customers -- the living and the dying.
 -- Dr. Boyce, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown.
%%
We do exactly what we would do if this Q never existed. If we're going
  to be damned, let's be damned for who we really are.
 -- Picard, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
We do function in your absence, commander.
%%
We do it for the Halibut.
%%
We do NOT accept Collect Calls on BBS!...
%%
We do not advise anyone to break the law.
We do encourage you to change it!
The Force Be With You And Yours Always.
%%
We do not ask for what useful purpose the birds do sing, for song if
their pleasure since they were created for singing.  Similarly, we ought
not to ask why the human mind troubles to fathom the secrets of the
heavens....The diversity of the phenomena of Nature is so great, and the
treasures hidden in the heavens so rich, precisely in order that the
human mind shall never be lacking in fresh nourishment.
 -- Johannes Kepler
%%
We do not colonize.  We conquer.  We rule.  There is no other way
  for us.
 -- Rojan, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4657.5.
%%
We do not feel this patient has any significant physical disease at the
present time, and for this reason we have advised her to return to you.
%%
We do not have enough things to kill off the weak and the stupid these
 days.  But to stay alive as an armed citizen a man has to be either quick
 with his wits or with his hands, preferably both.  It's a good thing.
 -- "Beyond This Horizon" by Robert A. Heinlein, 1942
%%
We do nothing until our heads have actually been cut off.
And then we...spring into action?
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Nob and Nobility
%%
We do not inherit this land from our ancestors; we borrow it from our
children.
 -- Haida Indian saying
%%
We do not need a censorship of the press.
We have a censorship of the press.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
We do not remember days, we remember moments.
 -- Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand
%%
We do not stumble over mountains, but over molehills.
 -- Confucius
%%
We do not talk - we bludgeon one another with facts
and theories gleaned from cursory readings of newspapers,
magazines and digests.
 -- Henry Miller
%%
We do not want the men of another color for our brothers-in-law, but we
do want them as brothers.
 -- Booker T. Washington
%%
We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.
%%
We don't care about posterity; we want it to sound good right now.
 -- D. Ellington
%%
WE DON'T CARE - WE DON'T HAVE TO - WE'RE ANSI-PHREAKS!
%%
We don't care.   We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company.
%%
We don't condone the looting and violence.  But the police used a water
 cannon to put out a lighted match and inflamed the situation.
%%
We don't do no dups!
%%
We don't eat pork. But we like raw snake meat.
We are the piglets family.
 -- The Piglets
%%
We don't hate vegetarians, we just think they're funny.
%%
We don't have Sarcasm on our planet...
%%
We don't have time for these games.
Games?  Did someone say games?? And perchance for interest's sake,
  a dealy game?
 -- Riker & Q, "Hide & Q," stardate 41590.5.
%%
We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand.
 -- James Watt
%%
We don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.
 -- David Brower
%%
We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything.
 -- Thomas Alva Edison
%%
We don't know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasn't a fish.
 -- John Culkin
%%
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
 -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
%%
We don't morally censure you.  We just want the money.
%%
We don't necessarily discriminate.  We simply exclude certain types of
people.
 -- Lt. Col. Gerald Wellman, an ROTC instructor at the MIT
 -- on the military's ban on gays
%%
We don't need another book on survival.  We have the Boy Scouts Manual.
 -- Woody Allen, "September"
%%
We don't need child proof lighters. We need a liberal proof Congress.
%%
We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control.
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
We don't need no indirection        We don't need no compilation
We don't need no flow control       We don't need no load control
No data typing or declarations      No link edit for external bindings
Hey! did you leave the lists alone? Hey! did you leave that source alone?
Chorus:                             (Chorus)
 Oh No. It's just a pure LISP function call.

We don't need no side-effecting     We don't need no allocation
We don't need no flow control       We don't need no special-nodes
No global variables for execution   No dark bit-flipping for debugging
Hey! did you leave the args alone?  Hey! did you leave those bits alone?
(Chorus)                            (Chorus)
 -- Another Glitch in the Call [a la Pink Floyd]
%%
We don't need no stinkin' badges.
 -- IRS
%%
We don't need no stinkin' patches!
%%
We don't pay taxes.  Only the little people pay taxes.
 -- Leona Helmsley, quoted in the NY Times, July 22, 1989
%%
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
%%
We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a
journey that no one can take for us or spare us.
 -- Marcel Proust
%%
We don't see eye to eye, but we have a common interest: your money.
 -- Johnny Ryman, alias Johnny Rotten, announcing the rationale
for a reunion tour of the Sex Pistols, 1996
%%
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
 -- Anais Nin
%%
We don't smoke and we don't chew, and we don't go with girls that do.
 -- Walter Summers
%%
We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand
 the hardware, but we can *see* the blinking lights!
%%
We don't work for each other,
We work with each other.
 -- Stanley C. Gault
%%
We do some things for money, and anything for glory.
%%
We do. We are. What more can you ask for?
%%
We do what we can but it's never enough.
%%
We drink and we die and continue to drink...
 -- Leary
%%
We'd sell out in an instant if someone was buying.
%%
We'd sing!  Sing!  Sing!
%%
WED: Write and Erase Data
%%
Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down!!!
%%
:weeble: /weeb'l/ [Cambridge] interj. Used to denote frustration,
   usually at amazing stupidity.  "I stuck the disk in upside down."
   "Weeble...."  Compare {gurfle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Weed -- a plant whose virtues have yet to be discovered.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
:weeds: n. 1. Refers to development projects or algorithms that have
   no possible relevance or practical application.  Comes from `off in
   the weeds'.  Used in phrases like "lexical analysis for microcode
   is serious weeds...."  2. At CDC/ETA before its demise, the
   phrase `go off in the weeds' was equivalent to IBM's {branch to
   Fishkill} and mainstream hackerdom's {jump off into never-never
   land}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Weekend In Hong Kong: Rick Shaw
%%
Weekends are like rainbows,
they look wonderful from a distance,
but disappear as we get close to them.
 -- child from the Hawley Primary School, England
%%
Weekend specials, aren't.
 -- Third Law of the Marketplace
%%
Weekends were made for programming.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Weekend, where are you?
%%
We elected Clinton for change, and that's about all I have left.
%%
We emphasize that we believe in change because we born of it, we have
lived by it, we prospered and grew great by it.  So the status quo has
never been our god, and we ask no one else to bow down before it.
 -- Carl T. Rowen
%%
Weendoze? we don need no steenkin Weendoze!
%%
:weenie: n. 1. [on BBSes] Any of a species of luser resembling a
   less amusing version of {BIFF} that infests many {BBS}
   systems.  The typical weenie is a teenage boy with poor social
   skills travelling under a grandiose {handle} derived from
   fantasy or heavy-metal rock lyrics.  Among sysops, `the weenie
   problem' refers to the marginally literate and profanity-laden
   {flamage} weenies tend to spew all over a newly-discovered BBS.
   Compare {spod}, {computer geek}, {terminal junkie}.
   2. [Among hackers] When used with a qualifier (for example, as in
   {UNIX weenie}, VMS weenie, IBM weenie) this can be either an
   insult or a term of praise, depending on context, tone of voice,
   and whether or not it is applied by a person who considers him or
   herself to be the same sort of weenie.  Implies that the weenie has
   put a major investment of time, effort, and concentration into the
   area indicated; whether this is good or bad depends on the hearer's
   judgment of how the speaker feels about that area.  See also
   {bigot}.  3. The semicolon character, `;' (ASCII
   0111011).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Weenix: /wee'niks/ [ITS] n. A derogatory term for {{UNIX}},
   derived from {UNIX weenie}.  According to one noted ex-ITSer, it
   is "the operating system preferred by Unix Weenies: typified by
   poor modularity, poor reliability, hard file deletion, no file
   version numbers, case sensitivity everywhere, and users who believe
   that these are all advantages".  Some ITS fans behave as though
   they believe UNIX stole a future that rightfully belonged to them.
   See {{ITS}}, sense 2.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep.
%%
Weep no more, lady, weep no more,
  Thy sorrowe is in vaine;
For violets pluckt, the sweetest showers
  Will ne'er make grow againe.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- The Friar of Orders Gray
%%
Weep no more, nor sigh, nor groan,
Sorrow calls no time that 's gone;
Violets plucked, the sweetest rain
Makes not fresh nor grow again.
 -- John Fletcher (1576-1625)
 -- The Queen of Corinth, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Weep not that the world changes -- did it keep a stable, changeless
state, it were cause indeed to weep.
 -- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
%%
Weep on! and as thy sorrows flow,
I 'll taste the luxury of woe.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Anacreontic
%%
Weepy Movie: Maud Lynn Story
%%
We estimate there are millions of planets with intelligent life.  We
  haven't begun to map them.
 -- Kirk, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8.
%%
We exist in a universe which co-exists with a multitude of others in the
  same physical space.  For certain brief periods of time, an area of
   their space overlaps an area of ours.
 -- Spock, "The Tholian Web," stardate 5693.2.
%%
We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination
of human rights--the elimination of human rights in accordance with the
pursuit of Justice.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 2/3/89
 -- (reported in The Chicago Tribune, 2/4/89)
%%
We faced a crisis in our earlier nuclear age.  We found the wisdom not
to destroy ourselves.
 -- Kirk, "return to Tomorrow," stardate 4768.3
%%
We fall into error if we attribute to strategy a power
independent of tactical results.
 -- Karl von Clausewitz (1780-1831), "On War"
%%
We fear change. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
%%
We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.
 -- Titus Livius
%%
We feel free when we escape -- even if it be but from the frying pan
to the fire.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
We feel that even if all possible scientific questions be answered, the
problems of life have still not been touched at all. Of course, there is
then no question left, and just this is the answer. The solution of the
problem of life is seen in the vanishing of this problem.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus
%%
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
We fight for men and women whose poetry is not yet written.
 -- Robert Gould Shaw, abolitionist
%%
We fight only when there is no other choice.
%%
We fight only when there is no other choice.  We prefer the ways of
  peaceful contact.
 -- Kirk, "Spectre of the Gun," stardate 4385.3.
%%
We figure to ourselves
The thing we like; and then we build it up,
As chance will have it, on the rock or sand,--
For thought is tired of wandering o'er the world,
And homebound Fancy runs her bark ashore.
 -- Sir Henry Taylor (1800-?)
 -- Philip Van Artevelde, Part i, Act i, Sc. 5
%%
We finally get a policy-making body, but we have no policy to make.
 -- An aide to President George Bush, March 1992
%%
We finally got a McDonald's in Bangladesh. They serve McNothings.
 -- Gerry Bednob
%%
We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those
 who don't.
 -- Frank A. Clark
%%
We find it hard to believe that other people's thoughts are as silly
as our own.
 -- James Harvey Robinson
%%
We find no evidence that Congress intended to modify the nostrum to
read, 'crime does not pay, except for attorney's fees.'
 -- Justice Byron R. White
%%
We find that the sexual instinct, when disappointed and unappeased,
 frequently seeks and finds a substitute in religion.
 -- Baron Richard Von Krafft-Ebing
%%
We find the defendant innocent by reason of being generally clueless.
%%
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves to be like other people.
 -- Arthur Schopenhauer
%%
We found them totally uninterested in medical aid or hospitals.  They
  believe that only the strong should survive.
 -- McCoy, "Friday's Child," stardate 3497.2.
%%
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in
which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which
we think we cannot.
 -- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
We gave him all the regular ones - the time-honoured lies that have done duty
up the river with every boating-man for years past - and added seven entirely
original ones that we had invented for ourselves, including a really quite
likely story, founded, to a certain extent, on an all but true episode, which
had actually happened in a modified degree some years ago to friends of ours -
a story that a mere child could have believed without injuring itself much.
 -- Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men in a Boat"
%%
We gave our organs to science and plan to do the same with our piano.
%%
We gave up everything just to sit at your table.
 -- John Lennon
%%
We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids?
 -- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
%%
We get into the habit of living before acquiring the habit of thinking...
 -- Albert Camus
%%
We get it fresh on Monday.
%%
We get to peel the tape off Wendy O. Williams after her concerts!
%%
We get ulcers by mountain-climbing over mole-hills!
%%
We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the grain.
 -- William Rounseville Alger
%%
We give nothing as willingly as our advice.
%%
We give them the love we can spare, the time we can spare.  In return
dogs have given us their absolute all.  It is without a doubt the best
deal man has ever made.
 -- Roger Caras, "A Celebration of Dogs"
%%
We give to necessity the praise of virtue.
 -- Quintilian (42-118 AD)
 -- Institutiones Oratoriae, i, 8, 14
%%
We gladly feast on those who would subdue us--not just pretty words.
%%
We got rid of our kids.  The cats are allergic!
%%
We got the beat.
%%
We griev'd, we sigh'd, we wept; we never blush'd before.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Discourse concerning the Government of Oliver Cromwell
%%
We grow small by trying to be great.
 -- E. Stanley Jones
%%
We grow tyrannical fighting tyranny.
 -- E. B. White
%%
We hack, crack, and pirate all sorts of Public Domain software.
%%
We had a nice brook going through our back yard, and when you get tired and
 have nothing better to do, it is always worthwhile to step out there and
 weed a good brook. I've always felt I was entitled to it.
%%
We had it so bad when I was young,
  we lived on a white line down the middle of the road.
%%
We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at night, half an
hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work 29 hours down
mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on
our grave singing Haleleuia ...
 -- Monty Python
%%
We had only two problems this time: strategy and execution.
%%
We had the sky, up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on
our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made,
or only just happened.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Huckleberry Finn
%%
We had time taken away from us, and now it's been given back
 to us because it's running out.
 -- Barbara, EDGE OF DESTRUCTION
%%
We had to get it passed before the columnists attacked!
%%
We hanged our harps upon the willows.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm cxxxvii, 2
%%
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public
 office.
 -- Aesop
%%
We hardly find any persons of good sense save those who agree with with us.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 347
%%
We have a Calvinistic creed, a Popish liturgy, and an Arminian clergy.
 -- William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778)
 -- Prior's Life of Burke (1790)
%%
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world;
and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve
men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
We have a equal opportunity calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
%%
We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We
have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
We have a large selection of milk,but that one looks hungry
 -- Maths Soc.
%%
We have all got to die some day; a few years more or less
of our lives don't much matter if by dying a year or two
sooner than we should otherwise do from disease we can help to
save the flag of our country from going under.
 -- Lord Baden-Powell Scouting for Boys (1908)
%%
We have all passed a lot of water since then.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
We have all sufficient strength to endure the misfortunes of others.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 19
%%
We have a lot of anxieties, and one cancels out another very often.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
We have always fought.  We must; we are hunters ... tracking and taking
  what we need.  There are poor planets in the Klingon systems ... we
  must push outward if we are to survive.
 -- Mara, the wife of the Klingon Commander, "Day of the Dove,"
       stardate unknown.
%%
We have among us a class of mammon worshipers, whose one test of
conservatism, or radicalism, is the attitude one takes with respect to
accumulated wealth.  Whatever tends to preserve the wealth of the
wealthy is called conservatism, and whatever favors anything else, no
matter what they call socialism.
 -- Richard T. Ely (1854-1943)
%%
We have a perfect record on software schedules--we have never made one yet
 and we are always making excuses.
 -- General Bernard Randolph
%%
We have a presidential election coming up. And I think the big problem, of
 course, is someone will win.
 -- Barry Crimmins
%%
We have art that we do not die of the truth.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
We have a sluggish economy ... That's why I favor this deficit so much.
 -- President George Bush
%%
WE HAVE A TIE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
%%
We have been left so much to our own devices - after
a while one welcomes the uncertainty of being left to
other people's.
 -- Tom Stoppard
%%
We have been pushing the idea George Bush is going to make matters much,
much worse by holding the line on taxes, a balanced budget amendment...
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle while on "CBS This Morning,"
                   10/27/92. (reported in the Chicago Tribune, 10/28/92)
%%
We have changed all that.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Le Medecin malgre lui, Act ii, Sc. 6
%%
We have come through a strange cycle in programming, starting with the
creation of programming itself as a human activity. Executives with the
tiniest smattering of knowledge assume that anyone can write a program,
and only now are programmers beginning to win their battle for recognition
as true professionals. Not just anyone, with any background, or any
training, can do a fine job of programming. Programmers know this, but
then why is it that they think that anyone picked off the street can do
documentation? One has only to spend an hour looking at papers written
by graduate students to realize the extent to which the ability to
communicate is not universally held. And so, when we speak about computer
program documentation, we are not speaking about the psychology of
computer programming at all -- except insofar as programmers have the
illusion that anyone can do a good job of documentation, provided he is
not smart enough to be a programmer.
 -- Gerald Weinberg, The Psychology of Computer Programming
%%
We have deep depth.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
We have dozens of steaks in Soviet Union, dozens.
%%
We have dust bunnies for pets!
%%
We have ears, earther...FOUR OF THEM!
%%
We have engaged in a very -- a very -- an extraordinarily broad
exercise of diplomacy here ... I don't know what -- what it means
fully.
 -- President George Bush
%%
We have enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love
one another.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
We have enough scientists; we need more hunchbacks, Igor.
%%
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
%%
We have every right to dream heroic dreams.  After all, we're Americans.
 -- Ronald Reagan
%%
We have exchanged the Washingtonian dignity for the Jeffersonian simplicity,
which was in truth only another name for the Jacksonian vulgarity.
 -- Bishop Henry C. Potter (1835-1908)
 -- Address at the Washington Centennial Service in St. Paul's Chapel,
 -- New York, April 30, 1889
%%
We have finished the job, what shall we do with the tools.
%%
We have first raised a dust and then complain we cannot see.
 -- Bishop Berkeley
%%
We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
We have found all life forms in the galaxy are capable of
  superior development.
 -- Kirk, "The Gamesters of Triskelion," stardate 3211.7.
%%
We have fun--that's what I like about bowling. You can have fun even if you
 stink, unlike in, say, tennis. Every decade or so, I attempt to play
 tennis, and it always consists of thirty-seven seconds of actually hitting
 the ball and two hours of yelling, "Where did the ball go?" "Over that
 condominium!" Etc. With bowling, once you let go of the ball, it's no
 longer your legal responsibility. They have these wonderful machines that
 find it for you and send it right back.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
We have gathered here today to pay final respects to our honored dead.
  And yet it should be noted in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes
  place in the shadow of a new light, the sunrise of a new world, a world
  that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect and nourish.  He did
  not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate his
  profound wisdom at these proceedings.  Of my friend I can only say this,
  of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most -
  human.
 -- Kirk,  "The Wrath of Khan,"  stardate 8130.3.
%%
We have given away far too many freedoms in order to be free.   Now
it's time to take some back.
 -- John Le Carre
 -- One of the George Smiley books
%%
We have glimpsed the dawn even in our city's darkest hour.
 -- Rev. Don Alexander at ceremony for families of Oklahoma City bombing
%%
We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels
of destructiveness upon old ones.  We have done this helplessly, almost
involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream,
like lemmings heading for the sea, like the children of Hamelin marching
blindly along behind their Pied Piper. And the result is that today we have
achieved, we and the Russians together, in the creation of these devices and
their means of delivery, levels of redundancy of such grotesque dimensions as
to defy rational understanding.
 -- George Kennan (May 19, 1981)
%%
We have got to get organized!
%%
We have had a number of discussions and, believe me, if I thought I was
hurting the ticket, I'd be gone.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle on Larry King Live when asked
                   if he'd offered to remove himself from the ticket,
                   (CNN, July 22, 1992)
%%
We have had the reign of the late Avery Brundage, and now we have
had eight years of Killanin, which raises the question of whether
being an ass is one of the requirements for the job, or whether the
job produces that effect on those who hold it.
 -- National Review
%%
We have heard the chimes at midnight.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
We have here other fish to fry.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xii
%%
We have here the latest in primitive technology.
%%
We have killed more people celebrating Independence Day than we lost
 fighting for it.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and
we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Morning Prayer
%%
We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
We have lived and loved together
  Through many changing years;
We have shared each other's gladness,
  And wept each other's tears.
 -- Charles Jefferys (1807-1865)
 -- We have lived and loved together
%%
We have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
 -- Tombstone epitaph of two astronomers
%%
We have luck only with women -- not spacecraft,
 -- R. Kremnev, builder of failed Soviet FOBOS probes
%%
We have made a covenant with death, and with hell are we at agreement.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxviii, 15
%%
We have met the enemy, and he is us.
 -- Walt Kelly (in POGO)
%%
We have met the enemy, and he's all yours!
%%
We have met the enemy - and he tasted GREAT!
%%
We have met the enemy and they are us and you are me
and we are all together
 -- Walt Kelly, Lennon, and the Beatles
%%
We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent
than from the machinations of the wicked.
%%
We have more useless information than ignorance of what is useful.
%%
We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human
passions unbridled by morality and religion.  Avarice, ambition, revenge
or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a
whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral
and religious people.  It is wholly inadequate for any other.
 -- John Adams
%%
We have no more right to put out discordant states of mind into the
lives of those around us and fob them of their sunshine and brightness
than we have to enter their houses and steal their silverware.
 -- Julia Moss Seton
%%
We have no power to prevent ourselves being born: but we can rectify
this error - for it is sometimes an error.  When one _does away with_
oneself one does the most estimable things possible: one thereby
almost deserves to live.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), "Gotzen-Dammerung"
%%
We have no right to assume that any physical laws exist, or that if they have
 existed up to now, that they will continue to exist in a similar manner in
 the future.
 -- Max Planck
%%
We have no scorched earth policy.
We have a policy of scorched Communists.
 -- General Efrain Rios Montt [President of Guatemala], 1982
%%
We have nothing to fear but the atmosphere itself.
%%
We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the
medical profession.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
We have not succeeded in resolving all our problems
the answers we have found only serve to raise a whole new set of questions.
In some ways, we feel as confised as ever
but we now believe that we are confused on a higher level
about more important things.
 -- Reputed statement at Share/Guide meeting in late '70s
       by Beta-Test Customer for IBM 3800 printer
%%
We have not tried to suppress true, legitimate liberty; on the contrary,
we have tried to preserve it.  We are for liberty, but liberty with
order, the kind of liberty which will not threaten the basic principles
of our nation, nor threaten its faith and unity.
 -- Francisco Franco (1892-1975)
%%
We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.
 -- Margaret Mead
%%
We haven't got the power to destroy the planet -- or to save it.
But we might have the power to save ourselves.
 -- Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
%%
We haven't lost a Lunatic; we've gained a co-sysop.
%%
We haven't the time to take our time.
 -- Eugene Ionesco
%%
We have oftener than once endeavoured to attach some meaning to that
aphorism, vulgarly imputed to Shaftesbury, which however we can find
nowhere in his works, that "ridicule is the test of truth."
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Voltaire, Foreign Review, 1829
%%
We have only one bathroom, so you'll have to take pot luck.
 -- Frank Sullivan
%%
We have only two things to worry about:  That things will never get
back to normal, and that they already have.
%%
We have our spasms of revolt, our flarings up of peekaboo waists,
free love and "art," but a mighty backwash of piety fetches each and
every one of them soon or late.
 -- H. L. Mencken, The Butte Bashkirtseff
%%
We have phasers. I vote we blast 'em!
 -- Bailey, "The Corbomite Maneuver," stardate 1514.2.
%%

     We have read your manuscript with boundless delight.  If we were
      to publish your paper, it would be impossible for us to publish
       any work of lower standard.  And as it is unthinkable that in the
     next thousand years we shall see its equal, we are, to our regret,
    compelled to return your divine composition, and to beg you a
 thousand times to overlook our short sight and timidity.
 -- A rejection notice slip a Chinese economic journal
 -- Source:  Mark Seiden, Wired
%%
We have reason to be afraid.  This is a terrible place.
 -- John Berryman
%%
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
We have resumed control...we have resumed control...
%%
We have rights, as individuals, to give as much of our own money as we
please to charity;  but as members of Congress we have no right so to
appropriate a dollar of public money.
 -- Colonel David Crockett, Member of Congress from 1827-1835
%%
We have scotch'd the snake, not kill'd it.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
We have secretly replaced Bob's life with Folgers Crystals.
%%
We have seen better days.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Timon of Athens
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
We have some important military business to discuss.
Alright. Ten minutes only then. (she leaves)
(to George) Alright porkface, where's the grub?
 -- Edmund and Nurse Brown : General Hospital
%%
We have some salt of our youth in us.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
We have staked the whole future of American civilization, not upon the
power of government, far from it.  We have staked the future of all of
our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind of
self-government; upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern
ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the
Ten Commandments of God.
 -- James Madison
%%
We have standards and expect you not to exceed them.
%%
We have such hope, we use great plainness of speech.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians iii, 12
%%
.... we have that Indian scene.  We can get the Indians from the reservoir.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
 -- Bill Maher, comedian and commentator, 1995
%%
We *have* the Holy Hand Grenade, Sir!
%%
We have them just where they want us.
 -- Captain James T. Kirk
%%
We have the most [thorough] test guy in the world... [I showed him
this program and he asked,] 'but Rob, what if time runs backward?'
%%
[We have the power to do anything we like.   Absolute power over
  every particle in the universe, everything that has ever existed
  or ever will exist, as from this moment.  Are you listening to me,
  Romana?]
   Romana: Yes, of course I am.
    Doctor: [Because if you're not listening I can make you listen,
   because I can do anything.  As from this moment there is no such thing
  as free will in the entire universe.  There is only my will, because
  I possess the Key to Time.]
 -- Doctor, The Armageddon Factor
%%
We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind
in the history of the world - or to make it the last.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
We have the right to survive!
%%
We have the right to survive!
Not by killing others.
 -- Deela and Kirk, "Wink of An Eye," stardate 5710.5
%%
We have to choose, and for my part I think it a less evil that some
criminals should escape than that the government should play an ignoble
part.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935)
%%
We have to do more than just elect a new president if we truly want to
change this country."
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%%
We have to get the status quo back to what it was before.
%%
We have to live today by what truth we can get today and be ready
tomorrow to call it falsehood.
 -- William James
%%
We have too many high-sounding words, and too few actions that
correspond with them.
 -- Abigail Adams
%%
We have to slow down first!
  BULLSHIT!  Just stop this thing!  I order you!
%%
We have two cats. They're my wife's cats, Mischa and Alex. You can tell a
 woman names a cat like this. Women always have sensitive names: Muffy,
 Fluffy, Buffy. Guys name cats things like Tuna Breath, Fur Face, Meow Head.
 They're nice cats. They've been neutered and they've been declawed. So
 they're like pillows that eat.
 -- Larry Reeb
%%
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
 -- Epictetus
%%
We have two hands.  What's wrong with having one of them on the
mouse?
 -- Dr. Ruth Westheimer, sex expert, in defense of on-line sex,
 -- in Web magazine
%%
We have watched American democracy at close hand for many years and
we believe few governments are institutionally so susceptible to
dictatorship as this one.
 -- Gerald Johnson
%%
We have ways to make you scream.
 -- Intel advertisement, in the June 1989 Doctor Dobbs Journal
%%
We hear and apprehend only what we already half know.
%%
We hired you to baby sit. You cooked and ate them BOTH?
%%
We hold college football players to _higher_ standards than Clinton.
%%
We hold that each man is the best judge of his own interest.
 -- John Adams
%%
We hold these truths to be self-evident,--that all men are created
equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
Rights; that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- Declaration of Independence
%%
We hope that, when the insects take over the world,
they will remember with gratitude
how we took them along on all our picnics.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
We humans are full of unpredictable emotions that logic cannot solve.
 -- Kirk, "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" stardate 2712.4.
%%
We humans have a streak of barbarism in us -- appalling, but
  there nevertheless.
 -- Kirk, "Space Seed," stardate 3141.9.
%%
Weight lifters are now taking steroids and the male hormone testosterone.
 One guy had so much male hormone in him he had to be classified as an East
 German woman!
 -- Carl Wolfson
%%
We in America today are nearer to the final triumph over poverty than
ever before in the history of any land.
 -- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964)
%%
We inherit nothing truly, but what our actions make us worthy of.
 -- George Chapman
%%
We intend to destroy all dogmatic verbal systems.
%%
We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
%%
We interrupt this quote for an important bulletin...
%%
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a
 woman.  And behind her stands his wife.
 -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
%%
We invent what we love, and what we fear.
 -- John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire
%%
"Weird disk error"
 -- Macintosh error message
%%
Weird enough for all practical purposes.
%%
'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute term.
 -- Baron Frank N. Furter
%%
Weirdness is the best defense.
%%
Weirdness Magnet
%%
Weirdo in a weird land.
%%
We join ourselves to no party that does not carry the flag and keep
step to the music of the Union.
 -- Rufus Choate (1799-1859)
 -- Letter to the Whig Convention, 1855
%%
We judge individual man and women as we do nations and races--by the character
of their achievement and by their achievement of character.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing,
but others judge us by what we have already done.
 -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
We judge reality by the responses of our senses.
%%
We jumped into this area without knowing what we were jumping into.
 -- Hubert H. Humphrey, October 22, 1969
%%
We just joined the civil hair patrol!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
We just want the FAX ma'am... Keep the photo copier.
%%
We keep, in science, getting a more and more sophisticated view
of our essential ignorance.
 -- Warren Weaver
%%
We kill you and you kill us and Allah is the greatest.
 -- Ayatollah Khomeini (quoted Int. Herald Trib. Jul 1, 1981)
%%
We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, First Series, No. iii
%%
We Klingons believe as you do -- the sick should die.  Only the
  strong should live.
 -- Kras, "Friday's Child," stardate 3497.2.
%%
We know in part, and we prophesy in part.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xiii, 9
%%
We know next to nothing about virtually everything.  It is not necessary
to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know.
 Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the
disposition to crave knowledge.
 -- George F. Will
%%
We know nothing about motivation. All we can do is write books about it.
%%
We know to tell many fictions like to truths, and we know, when we
will, to speak what is true.
 -- Hesiod (c. 700 BC)
 -- The Theogony, Line 27
%%
We Know We Belong To The Land... OK
%%
We know we're in trouble when the most honest Clinton is Chelsea.
%%
We know we're in trouble when the most honest Clinton is Socks.
%%
We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road.
 They get run over.
 -- Aneurin Bevan
%%
We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
 -- William Shakespeare, Hamlet
%%
We laugh at the Indian philosopher, who to account for the support
of the earth, contrived the hypothesis of a huge elephant, and to support
the elephant, a huge tortoise.   If we will candidly confess the truth, we
know as little of the operation of the nerves, as he did of the manner in
which the earth is supported: and our hypothesis about animal spirits, or
about the tension and vibrations of the nerves, are as like to be true, as
his about the support of the earth.  His elephant was a hypothesis, and our
hypotheses are elephants.  Every theory in philosophy, which is built on
pure conjecture, is an elephant; and every theory that is supported partly
by fact, and partly by conjecture, is like Nebuchadnezzar's image, whose
feet were partly of iron, and partly of clay.
 -- Thomas Reid, "An Inquiry into the Human Mind", 1764
%%
We laughed, we sang, we danced far into the night.
%%
We laugh heartily to see a whole flock of sheep jump because one
did so; might not one imagine that superior beings do the same by
us, and for exactly the same reason?
 -- Grenville
%%
Welcome aboard, I'm the Doctor, or will be if this regeneration works.
%%
Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends.
%%
Welcome back to (or from) reality!
%%
Welcome ever smiles,
And farewell goes out sighing.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Troilus and Cressida
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Welcome Gary, to Totally Hidden Psychiatrist!
%%
Welcome, gentle Sir Knight, to the Castle Anthrax!
%%
Welcome My Friend! Welcome To LaMachine!
%%
Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.
%%
Welcome OS/2, bye bye UAE, bye bye GPF!
%%
Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter.
 He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
 -- Dean McLaughlin.
%%
Welcome to Adventure!! Would you like instructions?
%%
Welcome to Agronomy 2073 - Manure Management.
%%
Welcome to beautiful downtown Maynard, minicomputer capitol of the world.
%%
Welcome to Borg Burger. No pickles. Pickles are irrelevnt.
%%
Welcome to Borger King.  Your way will be assimilated.
%%
Welcome to California! Stay as long as you like!
%%
Welcome to California... you're at your own risk!
%%
Welcome to Chinese Restaurant.
Please try your Nice Chinese Food with Chopsticks.
the traditional and typical of Chinese glorious history and culture.
%%
Welcome to Dante's!  Which level of Hell will you be visiting today?
%%
Welcome. Today will be one hell of a week.
%%
Welcome to Dysfunctional John's Lunatic Fringe...
%%
Welcome to Earth - 75% water, 25% malls
%%
Welcome to Florida. <<*BANG*>> [THUD] I hope you enjoyed your stay.
%%
Welcome to Galorndon Core, where no good deed goes unpunished.
 -- Geordi, "The Enemy", stardate 43349.2
%%
Welcome to Hell - here's your accordion.
%%
Welcome to hell - here's your copy of Windows.
%%
Welcome to hell, I'm your case worker.
%%
Welcome to Hell......We've preinstalled Windoze 3.0.
%%
Welcome to Hip Swallowing 215, AKA:  Advanced Foot In Mouth Disease.
%%
Welcome to last year's meeting of the Procrastinators Club.
%%
Welcome to Linguistic Hell.  Have fun!
%%
Welcome to McClinton's:  Millions Now Screwed.
%%
Welcome to Middle Earth
%%
Welcome to My Electronic Blunderland
%%
Welcome to my killfile you fucking cretin.
%%
Welcome to my nightmare.
%%
Welcome to New Zealand, set your watch back 20 years.
%%
 Welcome to our ool.
 Notice there's no P in it.
 Please keep it that way.
 -- Sign seen at a swimming pool
%%
Welcome to PA! State slogan: "Be Prepared to Stop"
%%
Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 20th
                   anniversary celebration of the moon landing, 7/20/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
Welcome to sunny Florida. Now get the hell out!
%%
Welcome to Texas...now GIT!
%%
Welcome to the 24th century.
 -- Picard, "The Neutral Zone", stardate 41986.0
%%
Welcome to the afterlife Gary Caplan, you're dead.
 -- Q
%%
 Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System.  If you are trying
 to reach Heaven, please press 1.  For Valhalla, press 2.  For
 Hades, press 3.  If you are trying to reach Nirvana, you're
 going about it all wrong, so *we* certainly can't help you.  If
 you'd just like to leave a message for Sean, wait for the beep.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
Welcome to the Babylon 5 Information Network.
%%
"Welcome to the banquet of life," said a recent Pope, forgetting that most
have to fight their way to the table.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Welcome to the bridge, Mr. LaForge.
 -- Picard, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
Welcome to the Church Of Suicidal...
%%
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.  Lettuce pray...
%%
Welcome to the Current Middle Ages!
%%
Welcome to the Democratic Party, here's your blindfold.
%%
Welcome to the era of Limbaugh in the decade of fraud.
%%
Welcome to the Federal Bureau for Reducing Bureaucracy!
%%
Welcome to the food chain!
 -- Iguana
%%
Welcome to the future for it will soon be the past.  Respect the past,
for it was once all that was humanly possible.
%%
Welcome to the Future!  It's just starting now ...
%%
Welcome to the jungle.  Please observe our laws.
%%
Welcome to the Keebler cookie factory.
%%
Welcome To The Next Level.  SEGA!!!
%%
Welcome to the only nice motel in town.
%%
Welcome to the Politically Correct States of America. Please turn your mind
in to the nearest oppressed minority pressure group. It will be returned to
you once we've decided what you can think.
%%
Welcome to the SICK and DEMENTED taglines conference.
%%
Welcome to the Wonderful World of FL SINGLES!!!!!
%%
Welcome to the Zoo!
%%
Welcome to Westworld, where nothing can go wornggg...
%%
Welcome to William Gates' World of Windows!
%%
Welders do it with hot rods.
%%
WELDERS fill all cracks
%%
WELDERS have hotter rods.
%%
Welding goggles must be worn at ALL! times..
%%
We lead best when we lead by example.
 -- C. L. Sowells
%%
We lead in exporting jobs.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle committing a Freudian slip while
                   speaking to the Chamber of Commerce of Evansville, Indiana,
                   a city which lost 4 large companies in the last four years.
                   He quickly changed the word "jobs" to "products."
                   (NY Newsday 7/26/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly,
                   Summer/Winter, 1992)
%%
We learn by our mistakes, why do I make so many?
%%
We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to
see it smile.
%%
Welease Bwian!
%%
Welfare and TV are today's bread and circuses.
%%
Welfare: A policy that promotes laziness and bastardy.
%%
Welfare -- breeding for dollars.
%%
Welfare slowly but surely cripples the pride of those who receive it.
%%
WELFARE  --  The more you deceive the more you receive.
%%
WELFARE
You're too incompetent to work for a living.
[We'll let you leach off those who do earn a living.]
 -- George L Roman
%%
We lie about the truth, that's what ruins us here. And do you know
why we lie about the truth? Not because we like to, but because we are
scared to death of it. If we looked the truth in the eye nine out of
ten of us would run to the graveyard and demand to be buried at once.
 -- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
We like all kinds of praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind.
%%
We like to praise birds for flying.  But how much of it is actually flying, and
 how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
We like your movies - especially the early, funny ones.
 -- Woody Allen, "Stardust Memories"
%%
We live behind our faces, while they front for us.
%%
We live in a bloody swamp!  We need all the land we can get!
%%
We live in an age that reads too much to be wise.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
 -- Jeff Marder (the question, of course, is whether this is good or bad)
%%
We live in a rainbow of chaos.
 -- Paul Cezanne
%%
We live in a society in which it is normal to be sick; and sick to be
abnormal.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
We live in a time of twin credulities: the hunger for the miraculous combined
with a servile awe of science. The mating of the two gives us superstition
plus scientism--a Mongoloid metaphysic.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
We live in a time when automation is ushering in a second industrial
revolution.
 -- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
We live in a time when man would rather be envied than esteemed.
 -- G. Trudeau
%%
We live in a universe of Magick!
%%
We live, in a very kooky time.
 -- Herb Blashtfalt
%%
We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and
adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we
seek then with our eyes open.
 -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
We live in a world that has narrowed into a neighborhood before it has
broadened into a brotherhood.
 -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths;
In feelings, not in figures on a dial.
We should count time by heart-throbs. He most lives
Who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best.
Life 's but a means unto an end; that end
Beginning, mean, and end to all things,--God.
 -- Philip James Bailey (1816-1902)
 -- Festus, Scene, A Country Town
%%
We live in the kind of world where courage is the most essential of virtues;
without courage, the other virtues are useless.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
We live, not as we wish to, but as we can.
 -- Menander, 292 BC
%%
WELL-ADJUSTED:
        The ability to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
%%
Well, ah, Jocko and the Badger bought it at the first Ypres,
  unfortunately, bit of a shock, that. I remember Bumfluff's house-
  master wrote and told me that Sticky'd been out for a duck, and
  that Gubber had snitched a parcel sausage-side and gone goose
  over stumps frog-side.
Meaning?
I don't know, sir, but I read in the Times that they'd both
  been killed.
And Bumfluff himself?
Copped a packet at Galipoli with the Aussies. So did Dripping and
  Strangely-Brown.
 -- George and Edmund : Goodbyeee...
%%
Well ah, my wife's name is 82, no 92, no 69, no 99..
%%
Well, Ain't you just a friggin' ray of sunshine today?
%%
We'll all be glad when I figure this stuff out, eh?
%%
Well, all I know is just what I read in the papers.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
We'll always have Paris.
%%
We'll always have Paris.  [Now, just where did I put it?]
%%
Well, and let me make this...perfectly clear, I honestly believe,
in my heart, that I am not a crook, or if I am, I don't remember
it, which is the same thing.
%%
Well, are you going to just sit there? Get working, quit wasting company time!
%%
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And
 East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them
 like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
 Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), "Animal Crackers"
%%
Well, as long as I've stumbled into Princess Savitra's bedroom, I might
 as well try to seduce her.
%%
Well at least I think we are average
%%
We'll be back to Nick Danger after this message.
%%
Well begun is half done.
 -- Aristotle
%%
:well-behaved: adj. 1. [primarily {{MS-DOS}}] Said of software
   conforming to system interface guidelines and standards.
   Well-behaved software uses the operating system to do chores such
   as keyboard input, allocating memory and drawing graphics.  Oppose
   {ill-behaved}.  2. Software that does its job quietly and
   without counterintuitive effects.  Esp. said of software having
   an interface spec sufficiently simple and well-defined that it can
   be used as a {tool} by other software.  See {cat}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Well, 'Bob', welcome on board. (They gaze at each other for a while.)
  ...Sorry, Baldrick, any reason you're still here?
 -- Edmund : Bells
%%
Well, Brahma said, even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is
no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five
hundred.
 -- The Mahabharata.
%%
Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it.
%%
We'll build that bridge when we come to it...
 -- Christopher Wren
%%
We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
%%
We'll call it S for cyclic.
 -- Gord Sinnamon Mathematics 234b
%%
:well-connected: adj. Said of a computer installation, asserts
   that it has reliable email links with the network and/or that
   it relays a large fraction of available {USENET} newsgroups.
   `Well-known' can be almost synonymous, but also implies that the
   site's name is familiar to many (due perhaps to an archive service
   or active USENET users).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Well, cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes.
%%
We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
%%
Well, Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable,
 And Lightness has a call that's hard to hear.
 -- Indigo Girls
%%
Well                        Deep subject!
%%
Well? Did you glimpse the afterlife?!  What's in store for all of us?!"

"Bikinis... babes... full-body massages... Joe Clark with a bat...
On the whole, a mixed blessing.
 -- "Bloom County"
%%
Well diggers do it in a hole.
%%
Well done, Bladder. How can I ever thank you?
Well, you can start by not calling me 'Bladder', sir.
 -- George and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Well done is better than well said.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
"Well done, Lads.  In record time, you killed ALL of the terrorists.
 Unfortunately, you've killed all the hostages as well."
  "Awww.  Does that mean their boring life stories won't be made
   into a mini-series for the May sweeps?"
 -- "Dinosaurs For Hire"
%%
Well, don't look at ME.  Ask the troll.
%%
Well... everybody's being very careful, these days,
sexually, but there are still several pockets of
promiscuity... the Marines and the Evangelists.
 -- Mark Russell
%%
Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me.
%%
Well, fancy giving money to the Government!
Might as well have put it down the drain.
Fancy giving money to the Government!
Nobody will see the stuff again.
Well, they've no idea what money's for --
Ten to one they'll start another war.
I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'!
Fancy giving money to the Government!
 -- A. P. Herbert
%%
Well, Farrow was rather moving, my lord. A great strong man, he stood
  there gaunt and noble in the early morning mist, and in a loud, clear
  voice he cried out, 'My wife might have bloody well turned up!'
 -- Percy : Head
%%
Well feed me bran and call me irregular!
%%
Well, for one thing, I find that I no longer win every golf game I play.
 -- George Bush, on life after the presidency.
%%
"Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw."
 -- Heather, "Heathers", movie
%%
Well, gentlemen. Just enought time to say toodlie pipsky.
 -- Lister
%%
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm the root user.
%%
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize that I'm God!
%%
Well girl that feeling of safety you prize
Well it comes with a hard, hard price
You can't shut off the risk and the pain
Without losing the love that remains
We're all riding on this train

 -- "Human Touch" (title cut)
%%
We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force.
%%
Well, God gave me a bust.  What am I supposed to do with it?
 -- Martha Mitchell
%%
We'll go over to my cousins' and play on the schlip and schlide!
 It'd be schweet!
 -- David Spade
%%
Well, guys, I'm sorry my activities in the last town got us all tarred
 and feathered, but you're not going to hold that against me, are you?
%%
We 'll have a swashing and a martial outside,
As many other mannish cowards have.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
We'll have to make our own luck from now on.
 -- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
Well, hello, ENTERPRISE. Welcome. I hope you have a lot of pretty
  boys on board because I'm willing - and waiting. In fact we're going
  to have a real blowout here.
 -- woman,  "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Well hello there Charlie Brown, you blockhead.
 -- Lucy Van Pelt
%%
Well, here I am in AMERICA..  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.
I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.
I HATE it.  I LIKE..  EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a
lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke.  Hartke is a
governor or mayor or something from one of the flatter states, and the
reason you'll be reading about him is that he's one of the 50 top
contenders for the 1984 Democratic presidential nomination.  These men
will spend the next 18 months going around the country engaging in the
most degrading activities imaginable, such as wearing idiot hats and
appearing on Meet the Press.    Meet the Press is one of those Sunday
morning public interest shows that the public is not the least bit
interested in.    It features a panel of reporters who ask questions of a
guest politician, who wins an Amana home freezer if he can get through
the entire show without answering a single question ...
 -- Dave Barry, On Presidential Politics
%%
-Well, here's something to occupy you and keep your mind off things.
-It won't work, I have an exceptionally large mind.
 -- Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_
%%
Well, he's... he's, ah... probably pining for the fjords.
%%
Well...hey, do you have any RUBBER WALRUS PROTECTORS?!?
%%
Well, hey, it's the neighborly thing to do, ain't it?
%%
Well, honour is the subject of my story.
I cannot tell what you and other men
Think of this life; but, for my single self,
I had as lief not be as live to be
In awe of such a thing as I myself.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Well I can't hear a thing! Let's go to the stoning.
%%
Well, I couldn't figure out this subtraction problem,
so I put "Atlanta, Georgia"
%%
Well, I did a backup three weeks ago...
%%
Well I did make another mistake in 1967.
%%
Well, I didn't much like this character, anyway...Here goes nothing...
%%
Well, I did say we'll put it out and we'll put it out when we can.
 But I don't know what we can put out or when we can put it out.
 -- George Stephanopolous
%%
Well, I don't care what momma don't allow......
%%
Well, I don't like them....they wet their nests.
%%
Well I don't see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many
men happy.
 -- Ellyn Mustard, about marriage
%%
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what
 do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do
 they?
 -- George Carlin
%%
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
 -- James Thurber
%%
 Well I finally got an answering machine.  Now how does this
 thing work?  Hmmm.  Press record button, I did that, and the
 light should be on.  I wonder why it's not working right.
 Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
W el l,  I  f ou n d th e s  pac  e b a   r
%%
Well...if she sees his head on a spike..she'll realise..he's _dead_..!
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can*
you believe?!
 -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
%%
Well...I have heard there's good money to be made down at the docks...
  doing..._favours_ for sailors...
Favours? What...delivering messages, sewing on buttons, that sort of
  thing?
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Money
%%
Well, I hope you had a pleasant inheritance. Did I say 'inheritance'?
  ...I meant 'journey'. Well, if you'd like to help yourself to a
  legacy...err...chair...
 -- Edmund to the Whiteadders : Beer
%%
Well I know where she come from but I don't know what's her name.
%%
Well, I'll take whatever I want, and baby I want you.
%%
Well, I'll tell you: In all my days, I've never seen, heard, nor
smelled any issue that was so dangerous it couldn't be talked
about. Hell, yes! I'm for debating anything.
 -- Stephen Hopkins
%%
Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!!  And I'm looking for a way to
 VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Well I may not be a new Messiah, but I'm close enough for rock and roll.
 -- 38 special
%%
Well, I mean like,....you've SLEPT, with a lady....
%%
Well, I mean, YES idealism, YES the dignity of pure research, YES the pursuit
of truth in all its forms, but there comes a point I'm afraid where you begin
to suspect that if there's all REAL truth, it's that the entire multi-
dimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch
of maniacs.  And if it comes to a choice between spending yet another 10
million years finding that out, and on the other hand just taking the money
and running, then I for one could do with the exercise.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Well! I'm impressed
 -- C Error #029
%%
Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN..  I might as well pay a visit to the
 LADIES ROOM...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
why she walked like a woman but talked like a man...
%%
Well, I'm off to D/L a file...Wish me luck.
%%
Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
%%
Well, I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy sedation.
 -- David St. Hubbins
%%
Well, I'm terribly sorry about killing all those people...
%%
Well, I noticed the lad with the thermonuclear device was the Chief
Constable for the area.
 -- Monty Python
%%
Well, isn't that 'kick you in the crotch, spit on yr neck' fantastic?
 -- Rachel, "Friends"
%%
Well, I started to make a clock from one of those "build a working paper
clock" books, but I got carried away. It's now a complete working paper
Analytical Engine, and I run an 80386 simulator on that. I'm booting 386BSD
now, and in a couple of years when it comes up I'll have Xclock running.
I don't think it's going to keep very good time, though... I keep getting
silo overflows reading WWV at 110 baud. I guess I'll need to build a paper
16550 to fix that.

Which Xclock should I use?
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
Well, is this fate, or just a bad day?
%%
Well, I suppose one regards it as an optional extra.
%%
Well - it COULD happen......
%%
Well, it don't make the sun shine, but at least it don't deepen the shit.
 -- Straiter Empy, in _Riddley_Walker_ by Russell Hoban
%%
"WELL I THINK THATS THE LAST OF THEM"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
"Well I think this is perfectly normal behaviour for a Vogon.  The channelling
of emotions into primitive acts of senseless violence, the-"
"That is precisely what you always say."
"Well I think this is perfectly normal behaviour for a psychiatrist!  Good!
We are both clearly well-adjusted in our mental attitudes today!  So, tell me,
what news of the mission?
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.
 -- Calvin
%%
Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to
                the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after
                the San Francisco earthquake of 1989.
                 [this may be a joke; the source is unclear.
                      but it's still funny]
%%
Well, it looks better with the scope on calibrate.
%%
Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped,
 that's good enough for me.
%%
Well, it's better than being Professor of Floating Point!
 -- R. William Gosper
%%
Well, it snot funny.  Mucous is a very serious thing.
%%
Well it's one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready
and go, go, go, and don't you step on my blue suede shoes.
Well you can do anything but stay off of my blue suede shoes.
 -- Elvis
%%
Well its true - a simple carpenters son who learns magic tricks like
that and _doesn't_ go into show business?
        - Rimmer commenting on 'King of Kings' - The Story of Jesus
 -- Red Dwarf 'Holoship'
%%
Well....It's very runny, actually, sir.
%%
Well, I used to look like this when I was young, and now I still do.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Well I've been to one world fair, a picnic and a rodeo, and that's
 the stupidest thing I even heard come over a set of earphones!
 -- Major Kong, from Dr. Strangelove
%%
Well I've confirmed it - cats can't swim.
%%
Well I've had about enough of morons and halfwits, dolts, dunces, dullards
 and dumbbells.    And you--you ignorant yokel, you blithering hayseed, you--
  you've had enough of me?
 -- Agent Albert Rosenfield, from Twin Peaks
%%
Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat!
%%
Well, I would -- if they realized that we -- again if -- if we led them
back to that stalemate only because our retaliatory power, our seconds,
or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive they
they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
 -- President Ronald Reagan, on the MX missile
%%
Well, I wouldn't exactly call it 'working'... more like
'groveling for dollars.'
 -- Night Court
%%
Well, Jim, I'm not much of an actor either.
%%
We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it.
 -- from the movie 'City Slickers'
%%
Well, Katrina likes it.
%%
We'll KNOW that rock is dead when you need a degree to
get a job in it
%%
"Well, ladies, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news
 is that your dates are here."
  "What's the bad news?"
"They're dead."
 -- From the classic NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
%%
Well-languaged Daniel.
 -- William Browne (1590-1645)
 -- Britannia's Pastorals, Book ii, Song 2
%%
We'll lead an ideal life if you'll just avoid doing one thing: don't think.
 -- Ronald Reagan (to then-wife Jane Wyman)
%%
We'll learn about Euro-Communism -- That's
 communists who drive Porches.
 -- Howard Chaykin
%%
We'll let the sunshine in and shine on us, because today we're
happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988
%%
Well, look at me.   I'm old, lacking in vigor, my mind's
     in a turmoil.  I no longer know if I'm coming, have gone,
     or even been.  I'm falling to pieces; I no longer even
     have any clothes sense . . . Self-pity is all I have left.
 -- Doctor, The Twin Dilemma
%%
"We'll make you one with everything!"
 -- Yogi's Vegetarian Pizza
%%
Well may your hearts believe the truths I tell:
'T is virtue makes the bliss, where'er we dwell.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- Oriental Eclogues, 1, Line 5
%%
We'll meet down by the giant Exxon sign that brings the fair city light.
%%
Well, Mr. Cody, according to our questionnaire, you
would probably excel in sales, advertising,
slaughtering a few thousand buffalo, or market research.
 -- The Far Side, by Gary Larson
%%
Well Mr. Crusher, think you can get your gum out of Helm Control?
%%
Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail,
   And I can't recall the last time that my program didn't fail;
I've got stacks in my structs, I've got arrays in my queues,
   I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.

If you think that it's nice that you get what you C,
   Then go : illogical statement with your whole family,
'Cause the Supreme Court ain't the only place with : Bus error views.
   I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.

On a PDP-11, life should be a breeze,
   But with VAXen in the house even magnetic tapes would freeze.
Now you might think that unlike VAXen I'd know who I abuse,
   I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
 -- Core Dumped Blues
%%
Well, now, hold onta yer horses, there, Frazier. I mean, as a
 psychiatrist, isn't it your job to, uh, `seek and uphold the truth'?
 Oh, get real, Cliff.
 -- Cheers
%%
Well now on a summer night, in a dusky room
Come a little piece of the Lord's undying light
Crying like he swallowed the fiery moon
In his mother's arms....
In a world so hard and dirty, so fouled and confused
Searching for a little bit of God's mercy
I found living proof.
 -- "Living Proof" from Lucky Town
%%
Well now some folks are born into the good life
and other folks get it anyway anyhow.
%%
Well now that we have seen each other," said the Unicorn, "if you'll
believe in me, I'll believe in you.  Is that a bargain?"
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
Well now, the shark could eat you ... or you could eat the shark.
%%
Well, of course I'm worried.
Well, of course you are. It's not every day a man wakes up to find he's
  a screaming bender with no more right to live on God's clean earth
  than a weasel....Ashamed of yourself?
Not really, no.
...Bloody hell, I would be.
 -- Edmund and the Doctor : Bells
%%
Well off to the races.
%%
Well, Ok, but just a QWKie...
%%
Well, O.K.  I'll compromise with my principles because of
 EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Well, one thing's for sure:  we're all going to be a lot thinner!
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Well, paint me green and call me Gumby!
%%
Well past SNAFU, hip-deep in TARFU... and hell-bent for FUBAR!
%%
Well, perhaps some pleasant word-game?
Alright...Make a sentence out of the following words...'Face...sodding
  ...your...shut'.
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Chains
%%
Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken!
%%
   Well, punk is kind of anti-ethical, anyway.  Its ethics, so to speak,
include a disdain for ethics in general.  If you have to think about some-
thing so hard, then it's bullshit anyway; that's the idea.  Punks are anti-
ismists, to coin a term.  But nonetheless, they have a pretty clearly defined
stance and image, and THAT is what we hang the term `punk' on.
 -- Jeff G. Bone
%%
Well, Quark, I see even you couldn't weasel your way clear of this one.
%%
We'll raise a glass and sip a drop of Schnapps
        in honor of the great good luck that favored you -
We know that when good fortune favors two such men
        it stands to reason we deserve it too!
%%
We'll remove any stain & sew up the hole.
 -- Laundram
%%
We'll return with more commercials after these messages.
%%
Well, said Programmer, the customary procedure in such cases is as follows.

What does Crustimoney Proseedcake mean? said End-user. For I am an End-user
 of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.

It means the Thing to Do.

As long as it means that, I don't mind, said End-user humbly.

 -- Chris Mathes, uunet!metter!chris, with apologies to C. Robin And W. T. Pooh
%%
Well said: that was laid on with a trowel.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Well, see, Joyce, there we were, trapped in the elevator.  Now, I had
my tennis racquet and the goldfish; she was holding the Crisco.  Surely
you can imagine how one thing naturally led to another!
%%
We'll send them all we've got / John Wayne and Randolph Scott!
%%
Well she got her daddies car
%%
We 'll shine in more substantial honours,
  And to be noble we 'll be good.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Winifreda (1720)
%%
Well since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell.
 Down at the end of Lonely Street: the Heartbreak Hotel.
 -- Elvis
%%
Well, since you axed so nicely...
%%
Well, slap me with a drowned kitten!
%%
Well, social relevance is a schtick, like mysteries, social relevance,
 science fiction...
 -- Art Spiegelman
%%
Well, stap me, I seem to have come out without my duck.
%%
We'll stoop to whatever is necessary to win.
 -- A Bush (1992) campaign official
%%
Well, that is one of the most well documented, non-working pieces of code
I have ever written.
%%
Well, that's a lie...I DO bite...
%%
Well that's my story, not that it matters...
%%
Well, that's what happens when cousins marry.
%%
Well, that was a piece of cake, eh K-9?

Piece of cake, Master?     Radial slice of baked confection ...
coefficient of relevance to Key of Time: zero.
 -- Dr. Who
%%
Well, that was really `orrible.
%%
Well, the girls can't stand her 'cause she walks, looks and drives
 like an ace, now.
%%
Well, the handwriting is on the floor.
 -- Joe E. Lewis
%%
"Well the hours are good, but now you come to mention it, most of the
actual minutes are pretty lousy" - Vogon guard.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Well, the last thing I remember was giving Mr Worf a weggie and WAM!!!
%%
Well, there's been dramatic progress.
 -- President George Bush,
 -- three weeks before death squads killed six priests in El Salvador
%%
Well, there's Grand Duchess Sophia of Turin...we'll never get _her_
  to marry him.
Why not?
Because she's _met_ him...
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Amy and Amiability
%%
"Well, there we're in kind of a gray area..."
"How gray?"
"Charcoal."
 -- Fletch
%%
  Well, there were sixty-eight people there, and sixty-two of them had no more
desire to throw a stone than you had.
    Satan!
    Oh, it's true.   I know your race.  It is made up of sheep.  It is governed
by minorities, seldom or never by majorities.  It suppresses its feelings and
its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise.  Sometimes the
noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong; but no matter, the crowd follows it.
The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-
hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive
and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves.  Think of it!  One
kind-hearted creature spies upon another, and sees to it that he loyally helps
in iniquities which revolt both of them.  Speaking as an expert, I know that
ninety-nine out of a hundred of your race were strongly against the killing of
witches when that foolishness was first agitated by a handful of pious lunatics
in the long ago.  And I know that even to-day, after ages of transmitted
prejudice and silly teaching, only one person in twenty puts any real heart
into the harrying of a witch.  And yet apparently everybody hates witches and
wants them killed.  Some day a handful will rise up on the other side and make
the most noise -- perhaps even a single daring man with a big voice and a
determined front will do it -- and in a week all the sheep will wheel and
follow him, and witch-hunting will come to a sudden end.
 -- Mark Twain, _The Mysterious Stranger_
%%
Well the three men I admire most: the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost;
 they caught the last train for the coast the day the music died.
%%
Well, the toilet went crazy yesterday afternoon,
The plumber he said, "Never flush a tampoon!",
This great information cost me half a week's pay,
And the toilet blew up, later on the next day!
 -- Frank Zappa, "Flakes", 1979
%%
Well, they were wooden trees, and they were made entirely of wood.
%%
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
 -- Martin Fraquhar Tupper
%%
Well, to be fair I did have a couple of gadgets he probably didn't,
like a teaspoon and an open mind.
 -- Doctor Who, CREATURE FROM THE PIT
%%
Well, to be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
%%
Well troubles. We've got some Captain, it seems that a certain woman
  both wealthy and beautiful now thinks that she's going to marry me.
 -- Riker, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
Well, uh, thanks for inviting me into your closet for a visit.
%%
Well, we are now down to the level of conversation where people are
 complaining about the weather again, which was so bad just a few weeks ago
 that these same folks pledged they would never complain about it if it got
 better. It got better and they are still out there complaining.
%%
Well, we have a special relationship with our dogs.
We're going to try many new kinds of things: ponies, motor sledges,
and dogs.
 -- Capt. Robert Falcon Scott
%%
Well, we in the Adder Party are going to fight this campaign on
  issues, not personalities.
Why's that?
Because our candidate doesn't _have_ a personality.
 -- Edmund and Hannah : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he
 promised not to betray us.
%%
Well we know where we're going, but we don't know where we've been,
and we know what we're knowing, but we can't say what we've seen ...
we're on the road to nowhere.
 -- Talking Heads
%%
Well, well, well!   Well if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in
 poison!  How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil?  Come
 and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarble, ya eunuch jelly thou!
 -- Alex in Clockwork Orange
%%
Well, we must face a new reality.  No more carefree
days of chasing squirrels, running through the park,
or howling at the moon.  On the other hand, no more
`Fetch the stick, boy, fetch the stick.'
 -- The Far Side, by Gary Larson
%%
Well, we've come full circle, Lord; I'd like to
think there's some higher meaning to all this.
It would certainly reflect well on you.
 -- Matthew Broderick in "Ladyhawke"
%%
Well, we won't be inviting these Romulans to our party will we?
No. That would not be...appropriate.
 -- Sonny and Data, "The Neutral Zone", stardate 41986.0
%%
Well, what can it possibly be?
(Kate undoes her blouse and reveals all to Edmund)
Aha...Good Lord.
 -- Edmund to Kate : Bells
%%
Well, what is it you want?
%%
Well, whips and chains are Hardware, right?
%%
Well, Woody, It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.
 -- Norm,
 -- Cheers
%%
Well yes...I do rather laugh in the face of fear...Tweak the nose of
  terror...
 -- Edmund : Potato
%%
Well you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man--no time to
 talk.
 -- Barry Gibb
%%
Well, you'd be angry too if you had a tree put a move on you as fast
 as that one did on me, which is why the car is totally ruined.
 -- Excerpt from insurance form.
%%
Well, you failed miserably with this one.  Begone..
%%
Well, you got your mules and you got your racehorses, and you can kick
a mule in the ass all you want, and he's still not gonna be a racehorse.
 -- Billy Martin, "Esquire", May 1984
%%
Well, you know, it sounds like they've got their own nuts on an anvil and
 they're hammering away at them.
 -- Dave Crocker
%%
Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that
 you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself?
 That's how I feel all the time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Well, your raster disolved your bitmap.....
%%
Well you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking;
 racing around to come up behind you again.
%%
Well, you see, it's such a transitional creature.   It's a piss-poor
 reptile and not very much of a bird.
 -- Melvin Konner, from The Tangled Wing, quoting a zoologist who has
       studied the archeopteryz and found it very much like people
%%
Well, you were warned.
%%
Well, you win some, you lose some. But, we still got 24 Cups!
%%
We love Deep Space Nine: It's not TNG, but it's fun to see!
%%
We love to expect, and when expectation is either disappointed or
gratified, we want to be again expecting.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
We love your adherence to democratic principles.
 -- Vice President George Bush, to Ferdinand Marcos
%%
Welsh men only marry Welsh women because sheep can't cook.
%%
We made civilisation to impress our girl friends.
%%
We made too many wrong mistakes.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call
free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens
show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do
our best to make him feel that he ought to be ashamed of himself."
 -- Cameron Hawley
%%
We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
We make it up as we go along.
%%
We make most of our mistakes when we are optimistic.
 -- Don Herold
%%
We make our own fortunes and call them our fate.
%%
We make so much sense around here it's frightening!
%%
We make war that we may live in peace.
 -- Aristotle
%%
We males cannot really know the misery of female birth control, just as we
 cannot know the pain of childbirth (a fact for which I get down on my
 knees and give thanks at every opportunity).
 -- Dave Barry
%%
We may achieve climate, but weather is thrust upon us.
 -- O. Henry, "Fog in Santone"
%%
We may become the makers of our fate
when we have ceased to pose as its prophets.
 -- Karl Popper
%%
We may be stupid . . . but we're not clever!
 -- F & L
%%
We may give advice, but we cannot inspire the conduct.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 378
%%
We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all
purely intellectual fields.  But which are the best ones to start
with?  Many people think that a very abstract activity, like the
playing of chess, would be best.  It can also be maintained that it is
best to provide the machine with the best sense organs that money can
buy, and then teach it to understand and speak English.
 -- Alan M. Turing
%%
We may mount from this dull Earth, and viewing it from on high, consider
whether Nature has laid out all her cost and finery upon this small
speck of Dirt.   So, like Travelers into other distant countries, we
shall be better able to judge of what's done at home, know how to make a
true estimate of, and set its own value upon every thing.  We shall be
less apt to admire what this World call great, shall nobly despise those
Trifles the generality of Men set their affections on, when we know that
there are a multitude of such Earths inhabited and adorn'd as well as
our own.
 -- Christaan Huygens
%%
We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should
govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the
center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major
prophet, nor Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual
concerns, to say nothing of the fact that we may not be able to get
Christians to agree among themselves about their relationship to God.
But all will agree on a proposition that they possess profound spiritual
resources.  If, in addition, we can get them to accept the further
proposition that whatever form the Deity may have in their own theology,
the Deity is not only external, but internal and acts through them, and
they themselves give proof or disproof of the Deity in what they do and
think; if this further proposition can be accepted, then we come that
much closer to a truly religious situation on earth.
 -- Norman Cousins, from his book "Human Options"
%%
We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but
Congress can.
 -- Cullen Hightower
%%
We may not know much, but one thing's fo' sho':
There's things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Shine light on electrons -- you'll cause them to swerve.
The act of observing disturbs the observed.

Which ruins your test.     But then if there's no testing
To see if a particle's moving or resting
Why try to conjecture?        Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability -- certainty never.
%%
We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
 respect their good judgement.
%%
We may now be nearing the end of our hundred-year belief in Free Lunch.
%%
We may run into debt, but we usually walk out of it...slowly.
%%
We may say of angling as Dr. Boteler
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. v
%%
We may with advantage at times forget what we know.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 234
%%
We may yet prevail.  That's a conceit -- but it's a healthy one.
 -- Picard, "The Best of Both Worlds," stardate 43989.1.
%%
We meet again Obi Wan, but now I am the master.
 -- Darth Vader
%%
We met on the square, we part on the level.
%%
We met,--'t was in a crowd.
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- We met
%%
WEMG: Write Eighteen Minute Gap
%%
We must acknowledge once and for all that the purpose of diplomacy
  is to prolong a crisis.
 -- Spock, "The Mark of Gideon," stardate 5423.4.
%%
We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- At the signing of the Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776
%%
We must always remember that if there were not one thing that was not on top of
 another thing, our group would be nothing more than a meaningless body of men
 gathered together for no good reason.
 -- President, Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things
%%
We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are
willing to give the advantage of a good light.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
We must become the change we want to see.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
We must be GOVERNED by reason, not RULED by religion...
%%
We must be greater than God, for we have to undo His injustice.
%%
We must believe in luck.  For how else can we explain the success of
those we don't like?
 -- Jean Cocteau
%%
We must believe that it is the darkest before the dawn
of a beautiful new world.  We will see it when we believe it.
 -- Saul Alinsky
%%
...we must be wary of granting too much power to natural selection by
viewing all basic capacities of our brain as direct adaptations.  I do not
doubt that natural selection acted in building our oversized brains--and I
am equally confidant that our brains became large as an adaptation for
definite roles (probably a complex set of interacting functions).  But these
assumptions do not lead to the notion, often uncritically embraced by strict
Darwinians, that all major capacities of the brain must arise as direct
products of natural selection.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man"
%%
...we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided by consistent
observations and inferences by the thousands.  The earth is billions of
years old and its living creatures are linked by ties of evolutionary
descent.  Scientists stand accused of promoting dogma by so stating, but
do we brand people illiberal when they proclaim that the earth is neither
flat nor at the center of the universe?  Science *has* taught us some
things with confidence!  Evolution on an ancient earth is as well
established as our planet's shape and position.  Our continuing struggle
to understand how evolution happens (the theory of evolution) does not
cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the fact of evolution --
into doubt.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould, The Verdict on Creationism, The Skeptical Inquirer,
          Vol XII No. 2
%%
We must die because we have known them.
 -- Ptah-hotep (2000 B.C.)
%%
We must eat to live and live to eat.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- The Miser, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
We must either find a way or make one.
 -- Hannibal, Carthaginian general
%%
We must either institute conventional forms of expression or else pretend
 that we have nothing to express.
 -- George Santayana (1863-1952), "Soliloquies In England"
%%
We must further expressly and exactly establish the point of view,
no less necessary in practice, from which war is regarded as nothing
but the continuation of state policy with other means.
 -- Karl von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
%%
We must have courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated
risk, and to act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to
be effective and bring happiness.
 -- Maxwell Maltz
%%
We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
We must laugh before we are happy, for fear we die before we laugh at all.
 -- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
We must learn our limits. We are all something, but none of us are
everything.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
 -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
We must love one another or die.
 -- W.H. Auden
 -- September 1, 1939
%%
We must make the best of those ills which cannot be avoided.
 -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
We must make unceasingly clear to Hanoi that we do not seek nor will we accept
 a camouflaged surrender which would inevitably result in the United States
 writing off Southeast Asia.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, July 30, 1968
%%
... we must move from ... the primacy of technology toward
considerations of social justice and equity, from the dictates of
organizational convenience toward the aspirations of self-realization
and learning, from authoritarianism and dogmatism toward more
participation, from uniformity and centralization toward diversity and
pluralism, from the concept of work as hard and unavoidable, from life
as nasty, brutish, and short toward work as purpose and
self-fulfillment, a recognition of leisure as a valid activity in
itself.
 -- Warren Bennis
%%
We must never assume that which is incapable of proof.
 -- G. H. Lewes, Physiology of Common Life
%%
We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda, it is a form
of truth.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
We must never forget that if the war in Vietnam is lost... the right of   free
speech will be extinguished throughout the world.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon, 10/27/65
%%
We must never permit the voice of humanity within us to be silenced.
It is man's sympathy with all creatures  that first makes him truly a man.
 -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty.
 -- Edward R. Murrow
%%
...we must not judge the society of the future by considering
whether or not we should like to live in it; the question is
whether those who have grown up in it will be happier than those
who have grown up in our society or those of the past.
 -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
We must overact our part in some measure,
in order to produce any effect at all.
 -- William Hazlitt, "On Cant and Hypocrisy"
%%
We must play God because the masses are ignorant.
 -- Liberal Rule #14
%%
We must reform if we would conserve.
 -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
%%
We must remember that a right lost to one is lost to all.
 -- William Reece Smith, Jr.
%%
We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass
no matter how self-seeking.
 -- F. G. Withington
%%
We must repeat the often repeated saying, that it is unworthy a religious
man to view an irreligious one either with alarm or aversion, or with
any other feeling than regret and hope and brotherly commiseration.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
 -- Voltaire, Foreign Review, 1829
%%
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the
 extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children
 smart.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
We must select the illusion which appeals to our temperament and embrace it
 with passion, if we want to be happy.
 -- Cyril Connolly
%%
We must strive to be more than we are... the effort yields its own
  rewards.
You are wise, Father.
It is the difference between knowledge and experience.
 -- Data & Lal, "The Offspring,"  stardate 43657.0.
%%
"We must teach him, Max! Hey, where do you *keep* that gun?"
  "None of your damn business, Sam."
 -- The superbly loony "Sam and Max"
%%
We mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our
sacred honour.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- Declaration of Independence
%%
We, my Lords, may thank Heaven that we have something better
 than out brains to depend on.
 -- Lord Chesterfield to the House of Lords
%%
Wench:  What you use to turn the head of a dolt.
%%
WENCH  Woman Entitled to Nights of Complete Happiness
%%
We need a home run hitter, he said Baby Ruthlessly.
%%
We need a new cosmology.   New Gods.  New Sacraments.  Another drink.
 -- Patti Smith
%%
We need change: Lenin 1917, Hitler 1936, Clinton 1992
%%
We need excellence in public education and if the teachers can't do it,
we'll send in a couple of policemen.
 -- Frank Rizzo, Philadelphia Bulletin, Oct 19, 1973
%%
We need greater virtues to sustain good than evil fortune.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 25
%%
"We Need Insurance" by Justin Case
%%
We need kind and gracious
fellowship from within,
instead of judgement and
criticism from without.
Let's communicate constructively.
%%
We need love, admiration, worship, as you need food.
%%
We need more power! Can you give us any more?!
%%
We need never mistake local cloudcover for general darkness. The
Atonement saw to that.
 -- Neal A. Maxwell
%%
We need the tonic of wildness...We can never have enough of nature. We must
be refreshed by thesight of inexhaustible vigor, vast and titanic features.
 -- Thoreau
%%
We need to do a tarot reading on chemistry.
%%
We need to get a new bard.  All this one does is sing and drink.
%%
We need to get these people to a hospital!
 What is it?

 It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!
%%
We need to take a look at [the Constitution] and maybe, from time to time, we
 should curtail some of those rights.
 -- Chicago Police Superintendent LeRoy Martin, 7/91
%%
"We need to talk."
 -- The scariest words known to man
%%
We Need Your Quotes! Lets see the toteboard, Captain...
%%
We never desire earnestly what we desire in reason.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We NEVER grow up, we just get older, and older.
%%
We never know whether we are victors or whether we are defeated.
 -- Jorge Luis Borges, "Borges On Writing", 1974
%%
We never look at two people, or one person twice, in the same way.
%%
We never make assertions, Miss Taggart, that is the moral crime peculiar to
our enemies.  We do not tell, we show.     We do not claim, we prove.  It is
not your obedience that we seek to win, but your rational conviction.  You
have seen all the elements of our secret.  The conclusion is yours to draw
-- we can help you to name it, but not to accept it -- the sight, the
knowledge and the acceptance must be yours.
 -- Hugh Akston, "Atlas Shrugged", by Ayn Rand
%%
"We never repent of having eaten too little."
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
We never sent a messenger save with the language of his folk,
that he might make the message clear for them.
 -- The Koran
%%
We noticed that the bride was pregnant. So at the wedding everyone threw
 puffed rice.
 -- Dick Cavett
%%
We now have kricket krap!
 -- Sign at a garden shop
%%
We now have to put a condom on our Macintosh...
%%
We now present the conclusion of...The Never-ending Story.
 -- From a cable TV broadcast of the movie
%%
We now resume our regularly scheduled programming.
%%
We now return control of your brain ..CokeControl
%%
We now return Control of your Modem to you....
%%
We now return to our regularly scheduled cat-pampering.
%%
We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.
%%
We now return to our regularly scheduled recipe-exchanging.  :-)
%%
We now return to the echo, already in progress.
%%
We now return you to...The Thread That Would Not Die.
%%
We now return you to your own version of reality...
%%
We now return you to your regularly scheduled boredom.
%%
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
%%
We now return you to your regular programming...
%%
Went in at the tone eare and out at the tother.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. ix
%%
Went in for repairs but wasn't tightened with a torque wrench.
%%
Went to a party at the county jail.
 -- Elvis
%%
Went to lunch with a friend today to a new chicken place.  We asked
how they prepare their chickens.  The answer was, 'We just tell them
they're going to die.'
%%
We often boast that we are never bored, yet we are so conceited that we
do not perceive how often we bore others.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We often console ourselves for being unhappy by a certain pleasure
in appearing so.
%%
We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do.
%%
We once were as you are.  Spears and arrows.  There came a time when
  our weapons grew faster than our wisdom, and we almost destroyed
  ourselves.  We learned from this to make a rule during all our travels
  never to cause the same to happen to other worlds ... just as a man
  must grow in his own way and his own time.
 -- Kirk, "A Private Little War," stardate 4211.8.
%%
We only acknowledge small faults in order
to make it appear that we are free from great ones.
 -- LaRouchefoucauld
%%
"We only ever had the one sun at home.  I came from a planet called
Earth you know." - Arthur.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
We ought never to do wrong when people are looking.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
We ought to be very grateful that we have tools.  Millions of years ago
people did not have them, and home projects were extremely difficult.
For example, when a primitive person wanted to put up paneling, he had
to drive the little paneling nails into the cave wall with his bare
fist, so generally the paneling wound up getting spattered with
primitive blood, which isn't really all that bad when you consider how
ugly paneling is to begin with.
 -- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
%%
We ought to do our neighbour all the good we can. If you do good,
good will be done to you; but if you do evil, the same will be measured
back to you again.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- Dabschelim and Pilpay, Chap. i
%%
We pardon in the degree that we love.
 -- Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
 -- Maxim 330
%%
    We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look.
 -- Aldous Huxley
 -- The Devils of Loudun
%%
We passed them!  Stop this thing!
%%
    We pass through this world but once.  Few tragedies can be
more extensive than the stunting of life, few injustices
deeper than the denial of an opportunity to strive or even to
hope, by a limit imposed from without, but falsely identified
as lying within.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould
%%
We pay for the mistakes of our ancestors,
and it seems only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with.
 -- Don Marquis
%%
We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home.
 45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
We plan absentee ownership.   I'll stick to building ships.
 -- George Steinbrenner, 1973
%%
We prefer the old-fashioned alarm clock to the kind that awakens you with
 soft music or a gentle whisper. If there's one thing we can't stand early
 in the morning, it's hypocrisy.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
We prefer to help ourselves.  We make mistakes, but we're human --
  and maybe that's the word that best explains us.
 -- Kirk, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves rather than not speak of ourselves at all.
%%
We preserve our freedom using three boxes: ballot, jury, and cartridge.
%%
We presume none sins unless he stands to profit by it.
 -- The Talmud (Baba Metzia, 5 b.)
%%
We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We protest against unjust criticism but we accept unearned applause.
 -- Jose Narosky
%%
We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who,
content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.
 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
We're about as similar as...two completely dissimilar things
  in a pod.
 -- Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
We read of a certain Roman emperor who built a magnificent palace.
In digging the foundation, the workmen discovered a golden sarcophagus
ornamented with three circlets, on which were inscribed, "I have expended;
I have given; I have kept; I have possessed; I do possess; I have
lost; I am punished. What I formerly expended, I have; what I gave
away, I have."
 -- Gesta Romanorum
 -- Tale xvi
%%
We read to say that we have read.
%%
We're all aliens, but from different planets
%%
We're all bio-degradable.
%%
"We're all Bozos on this bus."
 -- The Firesign Theatre, from the alblum of the same name
%%
We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the
mistakes we may or may not have made.
 --  Vice President Dan Quayle, (USA Today 4/22/92 - taken
                    from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)
%%
We're all cremated equal.
 -- Jane Ace
%%
We're all doomed.
%%
We're All Flakes: Dan Druff
%%
"We're all given some sort of skill in life.  Mine
 just happens to be beating up on people."
 -- Sugar Ray Leonard
%%
We're all going down the same road in different directions.
 -- Dave Farber
%%
We're all going to die;  I'm just trying to make it a little more
interesting.
 -- Steven King
%%
We're all in this alone.
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
We're all like the cleaning woman. We come to dust.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
We're all nothing but unified arrangements of atoms and particles, drifting
 around, enjoying consciousness every now and then for a second or so before
 splitting up to become bits and pieces of trees and stars and french fries.
 -- Alan Dean Foster, character Rail in _Glory Lane_, 1987
%%
We're all sitting in the same boat: I fish, you row.
%%
We're all sorry for the other guy when he loses his job to a machine.
  But when it comes to your job -- that's different.  And it
  always will be different.
 -- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4729.4.
%%
We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some
 of our best friends are trying to kill us.
%%
"We're Americans -- with a capital 'A'!  And do you know what that means?
 Do you?  It means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent
 country in the world."
 -- Rousing speech by Bill Murray in STRIPES
%%
We're a most promising species, Mr. Spock, as predators go.  Did you
know that?
I frequently have my doubts.
I don't.  Not any more.  And maybe in a thousand years or so, we'll be
able to prove it.
 -- Kirk and Spock, "Arena," stardate 3046.2
%%
We're as corrupt as any nation and we are calling the kettle black!
%%
We reason deeply, when we forcibly feel.
 -- Mary Wollstonecraft
%%
We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod.
%%
We're bad...maybe not.
%%
We're both agreed - we'll do the programme from Bogota, Columbia,
 when New Kids are on the Block there...
%%
"We're buccaneers!  We used to have mundane office jobs, working in cubicles
 with water coolers and coffee cups with clever slogans and those wacky
 calendars with photos of diseased-looking chimps wearing neckties."
  "But you've got hooks and peg legs."
"Funny about that."
 -- More reality concepts from "Sam and Max"
%%
We're caught on the horns of our own petard.
%%
We receive what we venture to give.
%%
We're cookin' tonight, just keep on tokin'.
 -- Boston
%%
We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from
the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging
you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right
in his bowl full of jelly.
 -- Dave Barry, Simple, Homespun Gifts
%%
Were did my BSY flag go?
%%
We're doomed!
 -- C3P0 (Star Wars)
%%
We're doomed to a watery grave with a Captain who's legless...
Rubbish!...I've hardly touched a drop!
..No, no, I mean...you haven't got any _legs_...
 -- Percy and Captain Rum : Potato
%%
WE'RE FED-UP!!! And We're Not Gonna Take it Anymore!!!
%%
We're fighting against humanism, we're fighting against liberalism...
we are fighting against all the systems of Satan that are destroying
our nation today... our battle is with Satan himself.
 -- Jerry Falwell
%%
We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did.
 -- Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), in "Duck Soup"
%%
We're free people.  We belong to no one.
 -- Kirk, "The Gamesters of Triskelion," stardate 3259.2.
%%
We're from Liars Anonymous.  No we're not!
%%
We're full-fledged tank paratroopers.
%%
We're getting a lot of government these days, but we'd probably be worse
 off if we were getting as much as we're paying for.
 -- Olin Miller
%%
We're going to assume a few things about reality.  One, it exists.  That's not
a necessary assumption, but I find it comforting.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
We're going to beam them aboard, directly onto the bridge.
"But Captain, will they not protest?"
Let them.
 -- Picard and Data, "The Survivors", stardate 43152.4
%%
We're going to do it the way we always have -- the super-dumbass way...
 It's what we know.
 -- The Lone Contractor
%%
We're going to find out tonight who the oldest lady in the audience is. And
 we have a marvelous present for her. When we find the oldest lady, we're
 going to give her ... the oldest man.

 The first time we tried this was about ten years ago. We had a very nice
 lady in our audience. She was 87 years old, as I recall. We introduced her
 that evening to a man from Chicago who was 96, and shortly thereafter,
 believe it or not, they were married. It was a lovely story. And that
 wasn't the end of it either. I read in the paper recently where that woman
 has just given birth to a beautiful 47-year-old baby boy!
 -- Steve Allen
%%
We're going to have the best-educated American people in the
world.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88
%%
We're going to have to go directly to... Ludicrous speed!
%%
We're going to have to have our budgie put down.
%%
We're going to keep on repeating history until we get a passing grade.
%%
We're going to paint Clinton as a man out of control, who can't
control his zipper, can't control his wife and can't control his
waistline.
 -- A senior adviser to the 1992 Bush campaign
%%
We're going to talk about sex--you're going to talk about sex, because I can't
remember.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
WE'RE GOING TO THROW THE MX AWAY AFTER WE BUILD IT.  The MX is really
[Don't tell anybody!] just a bargaining chip in the nuclear-arms-
reduction talks with the Russians.    See, we have a problem with the
Russians.  They look at our leaders and they see, for example, George
Bush, who is really a fine and brave man but who happens to have this
unfortunate physical characteristic whereby when he talks he sounds as
though he just inhaled a helium party balloon.  If he ever becomes
President, the Russians will deliberately create nuclear crises just so
they can gather around the Hot Line with refreshments and listen to
George talk.
 -- Dave Barry, At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against
                   Political Fallout
%%
We're gonna go to the mall and window shoplift...
%%
We're gonna need another Timmy!
%%
We're here for a good time, not a long time!
%%
We're here to give you a computer, not a religion.
 -- attributed to Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga
%%
We're here, we're queer, we won't drink Coors beer.
%%
We're hosed.
 -- Next, Inc.'s Steve Jobs said after workstations running a demo program
       crashed at the SPA symposium.
%%
Were I a nightingale, I would act the part of a nightingale; were
I a swan, the part of a swan.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xvi
%%
We're immortal, we gods.  The Earth changed.  Your fathers changed.
  They turned away, until we were only memories.  A god cannot survive
  as a memory.  We need love, admiration, worship, as you need food.
 -- Apollo, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1.
%%
We're in Florida.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining why he
 -- had just purchased four peaches (and no citrus fruits,
 -- for which Florida is famous) at a Public supermarket
 -- in Oakland Park, Florida.
 -- Georgia (which IS famous for peaches) did not gain from the transaction,
 -- however, the peaches were from Chile. (The Sunstenial)
%%
We're INNNSAAAAANE!  Oh, wait.  That's Crazy Eddie, isn't it?
%%
We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got
  himself stuck on a sticky bun.
 -- Edmund : Major Star
%%
Were I so tall to reach the pole,
  Or grasp the ocean with my span,
I must be measured by my soul:
  The mind 's the standard of the man.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Horae Lyricae, Book ii, False Greatness
%%
Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government
without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should
not hesitate to prefer the latter.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as
 happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess.
 -- Dr. Johnson
%%
Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated,
the formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd,
the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole,
the horizon would not wear so wide a grin.
 -- F. M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations"
%%
Were it not that they are loath to lay out money on a rope, they would
be hanged forthwith, and sometimes die to save charges.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 12
%%
Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to
a repetition of the same life from its beginnings, only
asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to
correct some faults.
 -- Ben Franklin, "Autobiography"
%%
Were I to use the wits the good Spirit gave me, then I would say this lady
cannot exist- for what sane man would hold a dream to be reality. Yet rather
would I not be sane and lend belief to charmed, enchanted eyes.
 -- Magnifico Giganticus (aka the Mule)
%%
We're judged by what we finish, not what we start.
%%
We're just two lost souls swimmin' in a fishbowl, year after year
%%
We're kick'n some ASCII now.
%%
       We're knights of the Round Table
       Our shows are formidable
       But many times
       We're given rhymes
       That are quite unsingable
       We're opera mad in Camelot
       We sing from the diaphragm a lot.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
       We're knights of the round table
       We dance whene'er we're able
       We do routines and chorus scenes
       With footwork impeccable.
       We dine well here in Camelot
       We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
We're living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.
 -- D. W. Robertson
%%
We're looking for a few good men.
 -- B. Cassidy
%%
We're lucky. People should be envying us...I envy us
 -- David St. Hubbins and Derek Smalls
%%
We're not afraid, its just that we have this thing about death.
%%
We're not doing it for money, we're doin it for a SHITLOAD of money!
%%
We're not doing scientific research, we're killing people.
%%
 We're not home now.  Leave your name and number and we'll call
 you back as soon as you are a vegetarian.  (Replace "vegetarian"
 with prejudice of your choice.)
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
 We're not in cause we're out LOOTING!  Leave a message and we'll
 call you back and tell you what we got.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
"We're not laughing at you -- we're laughing near you."
 -- Dead Poets Society
%%
We're not lost. We're locationally challenged.
 -- John M. Ford
%%
"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is
weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me
the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious,
unfathomable; my interest has been to convince you that you must accept
responsibility for being here, in this marvelous world, in this marvelous
desert, in this marvelous time. I wanted to convince you that you must learn
to make every act count, since you are going to be here for only a short
while, in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it."
 -- Don Juan
%%
We're not too high up.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Weren't those a birthday present from Dr. McCoy?
And they will be again, that's the beauty of it.
 -- Spock & Kirk,  "The Voyage Home,"  stardate 8390.
%%
Weren't we here to drain the swamp?
%%
We're off doing beta, the wonderful beta of oooz.
%%
We're only immortal--for a limited time.
 -- Neil Peart
%%
We're only in it for the volume.
 -- Black Sabbath
%%
We repeatedly enlarge our instrumentalities without improving our purpose.
 -- Will Durant
%%
We're Prophets and we want Profits.
 -- $aint Reverend Jonas Xavier Ogyr Virus PhD MD STD
%%
[We're] running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
 -- An aide to President George Bush, March 1992
%%
We're SICK, SICK, SICK.  But happy.
%%
We're so busy catching minnows, we forget we're standing on a whale.
%%
We're sorry, but reality is not in service at this time.
%%
 We're sorry.  You have reached an imaginary number.  Please
 rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
We're such a holy bunch you know...
%%
Were such things here as we do speak about? Or have we eaten on the
    insane root that takes the reason prisoner?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
We're testing as QWK as we can.
%%
Were there fewer fools, knaves would starve.
%%
Were there no women, men might live like gods.
 -- Thomas Dekker
%%
We're the same.  We share the same history, the same heritage, the same
  lives.  We're tied together beyond any untying.  Man or woman, it makes
  no difference.  We're human.  We couldn't escape from each other even
  if we wanted to -- that's how you do it, Lieutenant!  By remembering who
  and what you are!  A bit of flesh and blood afloat in a universe without
  end.  And the only thing that's truly yours is the rest of humanity.
    That's where your duty lies!
 -- Kirk, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1.
%%
Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
We're the weirdest monkeys ever.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
We're thinking about upgrading from SunOS 4.1.1 to SunOS 3.5.
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
We're tired of third-rate incompetents in public office.
We want first-rate incompetents.
%%
We're told to pay as we go -- but where are we going?
%%
We're training up our new executioner, and he's a little immature.
  Takes him forever. Slash, slash, slash...by the time he's finished
  you don't so much need a spike as a toast rack...
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
Were 't the last drop in the well,
  As I gasp'd upon the brink,
Ere my fainting spirit fell
  'T is to thee that I would drink.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- To Thomas Moore
%%
Were we as eloquent as angels, yet should we please some men and
some women much more by listening than by talking.
 -- Colton
%%
WEREWOLF, n.  A wolf that was once, or is sometimes, a man.  All
werewolves are of evil disposition, having assumed a bestial form to
gratify a beastial appetite, but some, transformed by sorcery, are as
humane and is consistent with an acquired taste for human flesh.
    Some Bavarian peasants having caught a wolf one evening, tied it
to a post by the tail and went to bed.  The next morning nothing was
there!  Greatly perplexed, they consulted the local priest, who told
them that their captive was undoubtedly a werewolf and had resumed its
human for during the night.  "The next time that you take a wolf," the
good man said, "see that you chain it by the leg, and in the morning
you will find a Lutheran."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Were you acquainted with the decedent?
Yes, sir.
Before or after he died?
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
We're your friends--we're not like the OTHERS
 -- Raoul Duke
%%
Were you using glue today, Bob?
%%
Were you waiting with baited breath to know if your life was still hanging
by a Sword of Damocles?
%%
Were you with these, my prince, you 'd soon forget
The pale, unripened beauties of the north.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act i, Sc. 4
%%
Wert thou all that I wish thee, great, glorious, and free,
First flower of the earth and first gem of the sea.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Remember Thee
%%
We saw a knot of others, about a baker's dozen.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xxii
%%
We say the cows laid out Boston.  Well, there are worse surveyors.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Wealth"
%%
"Wes Brot ich ess, des Lied ich sing."

(Whose bread I eat, his song I sing.)
 -- Middle High German proverb
%%
We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of
annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn
and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from
being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented.
 -- Albert Einstein, Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, September 1948
%%
 We Scorpios don't believe in astrology.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Wes Craven's New Nightmare
%%
We secretly switched your salt with Folger's crystals.
 -- Ryan Rieck
%%
We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
 -- Thucydides
%%
We see a total global market of between 5 to 10 computers.
 IBM, 1945
%%
We seek and offer ourselves to be gulled.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
We seem to be zigzagging because sometimes it's less a matter of a
game plan and more a matter of the president's moods.
 -- A White House official during the Persian Gulf crisis
%%
We seem to have a compulsion these days to bury time capsules in order to
give those people living in the next century or so some idea of what we are
like.  I have prepared one of my own.  I have placed some rather large
samples of dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin.  My time capsule is set
to go off in the year 3000.  It will show them what we are really like.
 -- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here.
%%
We seem to have unleashed a hornets nest.
%%
Weseenems: RV's plastered with state & nat'l parks stickers and flags.
%%
We see the opening of an era: it is an era of seeking beyond the
confines of our atmosphere; may it be also an era of awakening to
the countries of earth.
 -- Bertrand De Jouvenel
%%
We see time's furrows on another's brow,
And death intrench'd, preparing his assault;
How few themselves in that just mirror see!
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night v, Line 627
%%
We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.
 -- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
We shall always keep a spare corner in our heads
to give passing hospitality to our friends' opinions.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
 [W]e shall continue to have a worsening ecologic crisis until we
 reject the Christian axiom that nature has no reason for existence
 save to serve man.
 -- Lynn White, Jr., "The Historical Roots of Our
 Ecologic Crisis", Science V. 155 No. 3767 (10 March 1967),
 pp. 1203-1207.
%%
We shall find that it is less difficult to hide a thousand guineas
than one hole in your coat.
 -- Colton
%%
We shall have our manhood. We shall have it or the earth will be leveled
by our attempt to get it.
 -- Eldridge Cleaver (1935-), Public Speech
%%
We shall march prospering,--not thro' his presence;
  Songs may inspirit us,--not from his lyre;
Deeds will be done,--while he boasts his quiescence,
  Still bidding crouch whom the rest bade aspire.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Lost Leader, ii
%%
We shall never be able to remove suspicion and fear as potential causes
of war until communication is permitted to flow, free and open, across
international boundaries.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
We shall never cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence
and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost
may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill, Speech, 4. June, 1940
%%
We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement.
 -- Richard J. Daley
%%
We shape our buildings: thereafter they shape us.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
 -- Time, September 12, 1960.
%%
We shield it [the Vulcan mating rite] with ritual and custom shrouded
  in antiquity.  You humans have no conception.  It strips our minds from
  us.  It brings a madness which rips away the veneer of civilization.
  It is the "pon farr" -- the time of mating.
 -- Spock, "Amok Time," stardate 3372.7.
%%
We should act with as much energy as those who expect everything
from themselves; and we should pray with as much earnestness as those
who expect everything from God.
 -- Colton
%%
We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years,
and justify our existence, on pain of liquidation.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
We should all remember when Burroughs was using Virtual memory it was said to
be some kind of technical joke.  But later, hah, it was said to be ok.

And it was because the word had come down from the mountain.

IBM had spoken and the world listened.

The world as it used to be.

Amen.
 -- Fred Rump
%%
We should back the metric system every 2.54cm of the way.
%%
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
 in it---and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
 stove-lid.  She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again---and that is
 well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens, American Writer, 1835-1910)
%%
We should be grateful for subways. At least they've taken crime off the
 street.
 -- Will Jordan
%%
We should build an Intel processor out of penguins.
%%
We should close only the military bases that Clinton served on.
%%
We should declare war on North Vietnam.  We could pave the whole
country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas.
 -- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed
without them in 'Red Storm Rising'.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/6/88
 -- (reported in Esquire, 8/92), also reported by Newsweek, 9/5/88
%%
We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
We should eliminate doubt, I think...
%%
We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken
 out and shot.
%%
We should go metric every inch of the way!
%%
We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were
taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things
themselves.
 -- John Locke (1632-1704)
%%
We should have had socialism already, but for the socialists.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
We should live and learn, but by the time we've learned, it's too late to
 live.
 -- Carolyn Wells
%%
We should not introduce errors through sloppiness, we should
do it carefully and systematically.
 -- E.W. Dijkstra, A Discipline of Programming  (p. 56)
%%
We shouldn't have to be burdened with all the technicalities that
come up from time to time with shrewd, smart lawyers interpreting
what the laws or what the Constitution may or may not say.
 -- Vice-President Dan Quayle, addressing a police
                    academy in Knoxville, Tennessee in August 1992
                    (from the AP wire)
%%
We should provide in peace what we need in war.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 709
%%
We should restore the practice of dueling. It might improve manners around
here.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course,
 powerful muscles, but no personality.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
We should take sex off the TV and movie screens
and put it back in the back seats of cars where it belongs.
%%
We should unite against conformity.
%%
We show our present joking, giggling race, True joy consists in gravity
and grace.
 -- Garrick
%%
We Sing The Praises of Llamas
%%
Wesley Crusher and Adric of Alzarius: Separated at birth?
%%
Wesley: "Data, you're supposed to rip the paper off."
Data: "With the application of a little care, Wes, the paper can be utilized
  again."
Troi: "Data, you're missing the point."
 -- "The Measure Of A Man", Stardate unknown
%%
Wesley: "I always get an 'A'."
Guinan: "So did Doctor Frankenstein."
 -- "Evolution", Stardate unknown
%%
Wesley's temper tantrum: "I want a new universe for Xmas"
%%
Wesley talks back to his mom - drink!
%%
Wesley: "They're ignoring the saucer section completely."
Riker: "Just as you should, Captain."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Wesley, this is an airlock. Try it out, press "EGRESS".
%%
Wesley! Yes Sir? Get OFF my bridge!
%%
We snack on danger and dine on death.
%%
We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message.
 -- Cullen Hightower
%%
We sought the mutant due for lynching, Not a trace was there to find.
I told the others- saw them flinching- "The bastard must have read my mind!"
%%
We spend more time working for our labor-saving machines than they do working
for us.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it.
 -- John Steinbeck (1902-1968)
%%
We spend our years as a tale that is told.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xc, 9
%%
We spend the first part of our human experience avidly accumulating
things and the other half wondering what in the world we're going to do
with all the stuff.
 -- Margret E. Keats
%%
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them
to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
We spent them not in toys, in lusts, or wine,
    But search of deep philosophy,
    Wit, eloquence, and poetry;
Arts which I lov'd, for they, my friend, were thine.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- On the Death of Mr. William Harvey
%%
We stand for the maintenance of private property.... We shall protect
free enterprise as the most expedient, or rather the sole possible
economic order.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Der Fruehrer"
%%
We start out loving our parents and end up hating them. Sometimes we
learn to love them again, but we never forgive them.
%%
We start to die the minute we are born.
%%
West Coast Universities: Stan Ford
%%
Western Australia has got its Dick Court !
%%
Western Australia: "state of excitement"
%%
Westminister, Colorado: James Moore, charged with theft, showed up at the
 pre-trial hearing wearing a nice brown suade jacket, identical to the one
 with which he was charged with stealing. Brains, where are thou?
%%
Westward the course of empire takes its way;
  The four first acts already past,
A fifth shall close the drama with the day:
  Time's noblest offspring is the last.
 -- Bishop Berkeley (1684-1753)
 -- On the Prospect of Planting Arts and Learning in America
%%
We support Shareware.. Register Yours.
%%
We sweat so we don't catch fire when making love.
%%
We Take Credit Cards, But...: Cassius Better
%%
We take cunning for a sinister and crooked wisdom, and certainly there
is a great difference between a cunning man and a wise man, not only in
point of honesty but in point of ability.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
We take drugs very seriously at my house...
%%
    We talk about the American way, the British way.  If we
had any sense, we would know that there is no American way, no
British way.  There is only one way-- the scientific way that
cuts across racial lines with international boundaries.
 -- M.M. Coady
%%
We taught Wilson Goode to enunciate here in Fuldelfya.
%%
WET DREAM:
    Overnight sensation.
%%
We teachers can only help the work going on, as servants wait upon a master.
 -- Maria Montessori
%%
We teach them proper principles and let them govern themselves.
 -- Prophet Joseph Smith
%%
We tell HQ I've gone insane, and I'll be invalided back home to
  Blighty before you can say 'Wibble'. Poor, gormless idiot.
But I'm a poor, gormless idiot, and I've never been invalided back
  to Blighty.
Ah yes, Baldrick, but thet's because you never said, 'Wibble'.
 -- Edmund and Baldrick : Goodbyeee...
%%
We tell lies when we are afraid, . . . afraid of what we don't know, afraid
of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But
every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.
 -- Tad Williams, Spoken by Dr. Morgenes, To Green Angel Tower (part of
 -- Memory, Sorrow and Thorn)
%%
We tend to idealize tolerance, then wonder why we find ourselves
infested with losers and nut cases.
 -- Patrick Nielsen Hayden
%%
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients.  But we can't scoff at them
 personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
We that are in the vaward of our youth.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
We, the people, are not free.  Our democracy is but a name.  We vote?
What does that mean?  We choose between Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
 -- Helen Keller
%%
WE:
   The single most important word in the world.
%%
We the unwilling led by the unknowing are doing the
impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much with so
little for so long that we are now capable of doing
practically anything with virtually nothing.
 -- The Metro Para pledge
%%
We the Users, in order to form a more perfect system, establish priorities,
ensure connective tranquility, provide for common repairs, promote
preventive maintenance, and secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves
and our processes, do ordain and establish this Software of The Unixed States
of America.
%%
We think as we do, mainly because other people think so.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
We thinke no greater blisse then such
  To be as be we would,
When blessed none but such as be
  The same as be they should.
 -- William Warner (1558-1609)
 -- Albion's England, Book x, Chap. lix, stanza 68
%%
We think in generalities, we live in detail.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
We think it's much better to entertain people and get medals
than to kill them and get medals for that.
 -- Paul McCartney (c.a. 1965)
%%
We think of ourselves as the most powerful beings in the universe.
  It's unsettling to discover that we're wrong.
 -- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy," stardate 3210.7.
%%
We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow;
Our wiser sons, no doubt, will think us so.
 -- Pope
%%
We think we are on the right road to improvement because we are making
experiments.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Wethir, the worst spell of weather we've ad around here in years.
%%
We three drunks from Omaha are
 Spending Christmas eve in a car.
 Driving, Drinking, glasses clinking;
 Who needs a lousy bar?
 -- Mad Magazine
%%
Wet: Midsummer Night's Dream
%%
We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed.
%%
We took sweet counsel together.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm lv, 14
%%
We tortured the data until it confessed.
%%
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
%%
We trained hard -- but it seemed that every time we were beginning to
form up into teams, we would be reorganized.  I was to learn later in
life we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful
method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing
confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.
 -- Petronios Arbiter, 66 AD
%%
We treat this world of ours as though we have a spare in the trunk.
 -- Al Bernstein
%%
We triumph without glory when we conquer without danger.
 -- Pierre Corneille
%%
We turn toward God only to obtain the impossible.
%%
We twa hae run about the braes,
  And pu'd the gowans fine.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Auld Lang Syne
%%
:wetware: /wet'weir/ [prob. from the novels of Rudy Rucker] n.
   1. The human nervous system, as opposed to computer hardware or
   software.  "Wetware has 7 plus or minus 2 temporary registers."
   2. Human beings (programmers, operators, administrators) attached
   to a computer system, as opposed to the system's hardware or
   software.  See {liveware}, {meatware}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
We understood
Her by her sight; her pure and eloquent blood
Spoke in her cheeks, and so distinctly wrought
That one might almost say her body thought.
 -- Dr. John Donne (1573-1631)
 -- Funeral Elegies, On the Death of Mistress Drury
%%
We use an amalgam of mercury in modern dentistry because other metals,
by themselves, are not sufficiently malleable to be worked with at
the normal temperatures inside the human mouth. But mercury- mercury
is just walkin' around, right?!?
 -- Mike the Dentist
%%
We used to be Schizophrenic.
%%
We used to have a dog. He begged for scraps from the table, and by God, we
 fed him! Now we have a Spotless kitchen.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But
we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some
whore he picked up in town.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
We've already established what you are, ma'am.
Now we're just haggling over the price.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
We've been banned from Argo, every one...
%%
We've been sitting here since Christmas 1914, since when we've
  advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping.
 -- Edmund : Goodbyeee...
%%
We've been *there*, and found it boring...
%%
We've been through so much together and most of it was your fault!
%%
We've come a long way in five thousand years.
But you're still of the same nature.
 -- Kirk and Apollo, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1
%%
We've come a long way since the world was flat.
%%
We've come at the worst possible time -- of course....
 -- Avon
%%
"We've decided to have the budgie put down."
"Oh, is he very old then?"
"No, we just don't like him."
"Oh.  How do they put budgies down anyway?"
"Well, it's funny you should be asking that, as I've been reading
a great big book called "How To Put Your Budgie Down".And as I understand
it, you can either hit them over the head with the book, or shoot them there,
just above the beak."
"Mrs. Conkers flushed hers down the loo."
"Oh, you don't want to do that, because they breed in the sewers and
pretty soon you get huge evil smelling flocks of soiled budgies flying out
of peoples lavatories infringing their personal freedoms."
 -- Monty Python
%%
We've done Win apps..but we didn't inhale!
 -- P. Kahn
%%
We've each learned to be delighted with what we are.
 -- Kirk, "The Savage Curtain," stardate 5906.4.
%%
We've elected Bill Clinton and Howdy Doody... wonderful.
%%
We've gone too far now, we can never go back!
%%
We've got a big intellectual investment in this sort of moving cloud
 of capability that [Unix] has.
 -- William N. Joy
%%
We've got a carrot and stick policy, and the carrot is, if he pulls out, he
 doesn't get the stick.
 -- James Baker, U.S Secretary of State, 12/5/90, about Saddam Hussein
%%
We've got a lot of books here, its a book shop!
%%
We've got a name for sushi in Georgia ... bait.
 -- Blake Clark
%%
We've got an unbeatable team!
 -- Sauron
%%
We've got a problem, HAL.
%%
"We've got company."
"Police?  How many?"
"All of them I think."
 -- Terminator II
%%
We've got computers, we're tapping phone lines
%%
We've got everyone convinced except the people who have to make the decision.
%%
"We've got it, if we can find it."
 -- Sign in a cluttered, old-fashioned hardware store
%%
We've got nothing better to do,
'cept watch TV and have a couple of brew.
%%
We've got OFFICIAL PERMISSION to do this.
%%
We've got quotes coming out of our A**, figuratively speaking.
%%
We've got some good players and so have they - that's the difference.
%%
We've gotten to the point where everybody's got a right and nobody's
got a responsibility.
 -- Newton Minow, chairman of the FCC
%%
We've got the kind of president who thinks arms control means some kind
 of deodorant.
%%
We've got them eating out of our laps.
%%
We've got the Stanley Cup baby.  UH-HUH!
%%
We've got to end this foolishness.
%%
We've got to stop hurting each other, you first.
%%
WE'VE GOT YOU NOW!!  This fortune was poisoned.  If a second your eyes will
start gniyalp t#r*i%c"k!s oN uoy.
%%
We've had bad luck with our kids -- they've all grown up.
 -- Christopher Morley
%%
We've had some good times, we've had some damnably good laughs,
  haven't we?
Yes...can't think of any _specific_ ones myself...
 -- George and Edmund : Goodbyeee...
%%
We've just received the results of a survey conducted to ascertain the
various reasons men get out of bed in the middle of the night.
According to the report, 2% are motivated by a desire to visit the
bathroom, and 3% have an urge to raid the refrigerator.  The other 95%
get up to go home.
%%
We've missed you; we'll aim better next time!
%%
We've recently learned where Dolly Parton buys her bras
%%
We've replaced Bruce's harddrive with Folgers Crystals, Lets watch...
%%
We've replaced your Bank account with new Folger's crystals!
%%
We've secretly replaced their dilithium with new Folger's Crystals.
%%
We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away.  The center
of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away.  You could drive that in a week,
but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
 -- Andy Rooney
%%
We've shot off over a million cannon shells, and what's the result?
  One dachschund with a slight limp.
 -- Edmund : Private Plane
%%
We view things not only from different sides, but with different eyes
-- we have no wish to find them alike.
 -- Pascal
%%
We walk alone in the world. Friends, such as we desire, are dreams
and fables.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
We walk by faith, not by sight.
 -- New Testament
 -- 2 Corinthians v, 7
%%
We walked on the moon -- you be polite.
 -- Joni Mitchell
%%
We walk on like an elephant and back off like a giraffe.
%%
We want no foreign rulers - fight the metric system.
%%
We want the facts to fit the preconceptions.  When they don't, it
is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions.
 -- Jessamyn West
%%
We want to create an environment automatedly.
%%
We want to create puppets that pull their own strings.
 -- Ann Marion
%%
We want to see three things in the 1988 Republican Party Platform...   First,
 a constitutional amendment banning all abortions in the United States.
 Second, increased funding for law enforcement and a mandatory death penalty
 for drug dealers.  Third, LESS GOVERNMENT.
 -- Speaker at a 1988 Republican Straw Poll in Iowa
%%
We want YOU McDonnell Douglas!!!
%%
We watch'd her breathing through the night,
  Her breathing soft and low,
As in her breast the wave of life
  Kept heaving to and fro.
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Death-Bed
%%
We welcome advice and criticism, and always rush them through the proper
channels. (One flush usually does it!)
%%
We were all guilty in letting the regime function.
 -- Vaclav Havel
%%
We were coming back into New York Harbor and we went under the Verrazano
 Bridge and I got a lump in my throat. We went under the Brooklyn Bridge and
 I started to cry ... because we flew home.
 -- Totie Fields
%%
We were halves throughout, and to that degree that methinks by outliving
him I defraud him of his part.
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book i, Chap. xxvii, Of Friendship
%%
We were hungry when we got to Moscow, Soviet.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
We were nearly one of the last to realize that in the age of
information science the most expensive asset is knowledge.
 -- Mikhail Gorbachev
%%
We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with.
 -- Redd Foxx
%%
We were pretty good sharks ourselves once.
%%
We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog.
If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.
 -- Crazy Jimmy
%%
We were so poor we used to use a substitute for margarine ... In school I
 took algebra, history, and overcoats ... We didn't have a TV set, we used
 to sit around and watch the mirror.
 -- Jackie Vernon
%%
We were trying to figure out, is this an acceptable business for H-P to be
in -- to run an entertainment line? It didn't seem like it was part of our
core mandate.
 -- Larry Riba of Hewlett-Packard Co. after several fans of
Uzo, an exotic dancer, mistakenly called a company business-product
tech-support line
%%
We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous.
%%
We were very poor when I was a kid. I remember one winter, it snowed and I
 didn't have a sled. I used to go downhill on my cousin. And you know, she
 wasn't bad.
 -- Joey Bishop
%%
We who are about to die, are going to take one hell of a lot of the bastards
with us.
 -- Karl Cullinane, _The Silver Crown_ by Joel Rosenberg
%%
We who are liberal and progressive know that the poor are our equals
in every sense except that of being equal to us.
 -- Lionel Trilling
%%
We wholly conquer what we assimilate.
%%
We who revel in nature's diversity and feel instructed by every animal
tend to brand Homo sapiens as the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous
extinction.
 -- Stephen Jay Gould
%%
We will answer all things faithfully.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act. v, Sc. 1
%%
We will be better and braver if we engage and inquire than if we
indulge in the idle fancy that we already know -- or that it is of no
use seeking to know what we do not know.
 -- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
We will be talking to a man who was imprisoned in Wormwood Scrubs for his
 beliefs. He believed the night watchman was asleep.
 -- Ronnie Corbett
%%
We will bury you!
 -- Nikita S. Khrushchev (1894-1971)
%%
We will draw the curtain and show you the picture.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
 We will fight to the death for our pacifist aims.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
We will have a planned development and will take people out of the
ghettos and give them an opportunity to raise their families in decent
surroundings.
%%
We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
technical problem - how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
%%
We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity,
family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988
%%
We will look into it - by the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you
will have forgotten about it, too
 -- Glossary of important business terms
%%
We will move forward, we will move upward, and yes, we will move onward.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle to a group of students
 -- at a Chicago school, 4/24/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
We will need a computer to tally
All the cowboys who scouted our Sally.
There were some on her mountains
And some on her fountains,
And quite a few down in the valley.
%%
We will never give Bill Clinton the opportunity to be the President of the
United States.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle (9/19/92)
%%
We will not allow the burnings again!
%%
We will not anticipate the past; so mind, young people,--our retrospection
will be all to the future.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
We will now discuss in a little more detail the Struggle for Existence.
 -- Charles Darwin (1809-1882)
 -- The Origin of Species, Chap. iii
%%
We will occasionally use this arrow notation unless there is danger of
 no confusion.
 -- Ronald Graham, "Rudiments of Ramsey Theory"
%%
We will rediscover a [New York City] river so extravagantly polluted that new
 life forms will emerge from it spontaneously, demanding welfare and voting
 rights.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
We will release no software before its time.
%%
We will take the good will for the deed.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. xlix
%%
We will, we will, Pun you!
%%
We wish that this column, rising towards heaven among the pointed
spires of so many temples dedicated to God, may contribute also to
produce in all minds a pious feeling of dependence and gratitude.
We wish, finally, that the last object to the sight of him who leaves
his native shore, and the first to gladden his who revisits it, may
be something which shall remind him of the liberty and the glory of
his country. Let it rise! let it rise, till it meet the sun in his
coming; let the earliest light of the morning gild it, and the parting
day linger and play on its summit!
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Address on laying the Corner-Stone of the Bunker Hill Monument, 1825, p. 62
%%
We wish to attract praise to ourselves even as we seem to be
praising others.
 -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
We wish to be nothing if not persistent.
 -- Grebnedlog, "Samaritan Snare", stardate 42779.1
%%
"We wish to incorporate into the machine -- in the form of circuits --
only such logical concepts as are either necessary to have a complete
system or highly convenient because of the frequency with which they
occur and the influence they exert in the relevant mathematical
situations."
 -- Burks, Goldstine, and von Neumann (1946)
 -- (from "Computer Structures: Readings and Examples", C. Gordon Bell (ed)
 -- McGraw-Hill Book Company, (c) 1971, page 97)
%%
We wish to suggest a structure for the salt of deoxyribose nucleic acid
 (D.N.A.).   This structure has novel features which are of considerable
 biological interest.
 -- Watson and Crick, 1953
%%
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
 -- Maxwell Smart
%%
We wish you a Merry Syphilis and a Clappy New Year.....
%%
We Won 20-1!: Barry Um
%%
We won't have a society if we destroy the environment.
 -- Margaret Mead
%%
We won't need reservations.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
We work out entirely too much. We waste time. A friend of mine runs
 marathons. He always talks about this "runner's high." But he has to go
 twenty-six miles for it. That's why I smoke and drink. I get the same
 feeling from a flight of stairs.
 -- Larry Miller
%%
We worry about what a child will be tomorrow, yet we forget that he
is someone today.
 -- Stacia Tauscher
%%
We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children?
 Well, she and I were.
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
"We would like to apologize for the way in which politicians are
represented in this programme.  It was never our intention to imply
that politicians are weak-kneed, political time-servers who are more
concerned with their personal vendettas and private power struggles
than the problems of government, nor to suggest at any point that
they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital
matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before
the well-being of the people they supposedly represent, nor to imply
at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce
of concern for the vital social problems of today.  Nor indeed do we
intend that viewers should consider them as crabby ulcerous little
self-seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to
alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might
find offensive.  We are sorry if this impression has come across."
 -- Monty Python
%%
We would like to appeal to all parents who own ferocious dogs - please
think before leaving the dog near the baby. Wouldn't it be better to
leave the baby outside the house? Or better still, have it adopted out.
Babies can be quite dangerous.. you wouldn't want your best friend to
get bitten, now, would you?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
We would not jive you, Earthling.
%%
We wouldn't get so many weird bug reports if we just
stop selling software to aliens
%%
We would often be ashamed of our finest actions if the world understood
all the motives which produced them.
 -- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
 -- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
WE: Write and Erase data
%%
Weww, waddaya know!  No more pixels!
%%
Weyr, Oh Weyr has my little dra gone...
%%
WFL: Wave FLag
%%
WF: Wait Forever
%%
WGA building in L.A. is of all-block construction!
%%
WGPB: Write Garbage in Process-control Block
%%
:whacker: [University of Maryland: from {hacker}] n. 1. A person,
   similar to a {hacker}, who enjoys exploring the details of
   programmable systems and how to stretch their capabilities.
   Whereas a hacker tends to produce great hacks, a whacker only ends
   up whacking the system or program in question.  Whackers are often
   quite egotistical and eager to claim {wizard} status,
   regardless of the views of their peers.  2. A person who is good at
   programming quickly, though rather poorly and ineptly.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:whack: v. According to arch-hacker James Gosling, to "...modify a
   program with no idea whatsoever how it works." (See {whacker}.)
   It is actually possible to do this in nontrivial circumstances if
   the change is small and well-defined and you are very good at
   {glark}ing things from context.  As a trivial example, it is
   relatively easy to change all `stderr' writes to `stdout'
   writes in a piece of C filter code which remains otherwise
   mysterious.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Whadda ya expect from a nice Jewish boy?
%%
Whadda ya mean broken?  I thought it was a fixed disk!
%%
Whadda ya mean FIRED?!
%%
Whadda ya mean I need a license to do that??!
%%
Whadda ya mean, "we"?
%%
Whadda ya want for nothin'?  A rrrrrrubber biscuit?
%%
Whaddya have to DO to get kicked out of Guns 'N Roses?
%%
Whaddya know?  Not much, you?
%%
Whaddya mean "Eat it"? - It's still movin'!
%%
Whaddya mean "ps -ax" doesn't work?
%%
Whaddya mean, read the docs?  I don't even have a boat!
%%
Whaddya mean you don't STAPLE diskette labels on?
%%
Whalers got into a brawl the other night. Too bad it wasn't on the ICE!
%%
Whales are mammals / Mammals have hair / Shave the whales!
%%
:whalesong: n. The peculiar clicking and whooshing sounds made by a
   PEP modem such as the Telebit Trailblazer as it tries to
   synchronize with another PEP modem for their special high-speed
   mode.  This sound isn't anything like the normal two-tone handshake
   between conventional modems and is instantly recognizable to anyone
   who has heard it more than once.  It sounds, in fact, very much
   like whale songs.  This noise is also called "the moose call" or
   "moose tones".
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Whanne that April with his shoures sote
The droughte of March hath perced to the rote.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 1
%%
Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay?
%%
WHARF
  One of those places where noisy men hang around chewing tobacco and
  swearing and going on strike a lot.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
What?
%%
What a beautiful day!
%%
What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) after the Treaty of Amiens, 1802
%%
What a big gap there is between advice and help.
%%
What a blind person needs is not a teacher but another self.
 -- Helen Keller
%%
"What a bonanza!  An unknown beginner to be directed
by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett,
and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary
Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up
by both of them!"
 -- David Niven, "Bring On the Empty Horses"
%%
What a booooring tagline...
%%
What about all those detergents that are going out into our rivers and the
 ocean? If this keeps up it's going to leave a ring around the country.
 -- John Byner
%%
What about reality, you ask?  Well, as far as I'm concered reality can
go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.
 -- Stephen King
%%
What about technology, computers,
nuclear fusion?  I'm terrified of
radiation, I hate the television.
%%
"What about these commandments then?"
"You again?  All right...  There shall be TWO commandments,
and this shall be the first of them:
    "Keep the noise down."
"Just that?  `Keep the noise down'?"
"You got it."
"Hmmm.       And the second of Your commandments, Lord?"
"Do what thou wilst," (sayeth the Lord), "just
go away and don't bother Me now.  For behold,
some of Us are trying to get some sleep around here."
 -- Seven Deadly Sins
%%
"What about you, you ever kill anything?"
  "No, I think killing animals for sport is wrong."
"So you wouldn't kill an animal, huh?... Would you kill a MOOSE that was
 molesting your WIFE?"
 -- The Mountain Man, One of Dana Carvey's great SNL character
%%
What a bundle of laughs.
%%
What a case am I in.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Epilogue
%%
What a change a few years makes. A kid who won't allow water to go above
 his wrists suddenly starts taking two showers each day, each of which lasts
 over a half hour.
%%
What a COINCIDENCE!  I'm an authorized ``SNOOTS OF THE STARS'' dealer!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
What a coincidence! I've been there!!!!
%%
What act
That roars so loud, and thunders in the index?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
What a day may bring, a day may take away.
%%
What a depressingly stupid machine.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the
 child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.
 -- Sigmund Freud
%%
What a dog I got! His favorite bone is my LEG!
%%
What a fool cannot learn he laughs at, thinking that by his laughter he
shows superiority instead of latent idiocy.
 -- M. Corelli
%%
What a foul smell, indeed, a gymnasium has! How it suggests a mixture of
 Salvation Army, elephant house, and county jail.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
What a friend we have in cheeses.
%%
What, after all, is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.
 -- Christopher Fry
%%
What a glorious way of spending an evening!
%%
What a great couple of guys he is. - Ren
%%
What a handsome race.
 -- Worf about the Antedians, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
What a hell of a heaven it will be, when they get all these hypocrites
 assembled there!
 -- Mark Twain
%%
What a horrible way to die.
 -- Worf referring to dying while sleeping, "The Royale",
       stardate 42625.4
%%
What alignment am I? Chaotic-confused!
%%
What, all my pretty chickens and their dam
At one fell swoop?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
What a load of Bravo Sierra!
%%
What a lovely world it is that has women in it!
%%
What a magnificent head!
 -- Dr. Mehendri Solon, BRAIN OF MORBIUS
%%
What a man can accomplish only depends on what he is willing to sacrifice.
%%
What a man can imagine or conceive in his mind he can accomplish.
Impossibilities are possible as thinking men make them so.
 -- Henry J. Kaiser
%%
What a man has, so much he is sure of.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xliii
%%
What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
What a man needs in gardening is a cast iron back, with a hinge in it.
 -- Charles Dudley Warner
%%
What a Mess!.............But don't blame me, I voted for Bush!
%%
What a misfortune to be a woman!  And yet, the worst misfortune is
not to understand what a misfortune it is.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
%%
What a monstrous tail our cat has got!
 -- Henry Carey (1663-1743)
 -- The Dragon of Wantley, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
What an accident! I had the right of way, but he had the truck!
%%
What an artist dies with me!
 -- Nero
%%
What a new face courage puts on everything!
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
What a nightmare.
%%
What animal doesn't play fair?
(Cheetah)
%%
What an incredible SMELL you've discovered!
 -- Han Solo (Star Wars)
%%
What a piece of work is man, how noble in reason, how infinite in
faculty, in form and moving so express and admirable, in action how
like an angel, in apprehension how like a *GOD!*
 -- Picard (quoting Shakespeare), "Hide & Q," stardate 41590.5.
%%
"What a pinhead!  Does he not fear us?!"
 -- "Sam and Max", Freelance Police
%%
What a pity is it
That we can die but once to save our country!
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
What a pity that the only way to heaven is in a hearse!
 -- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
What a poor appearance the tales of poets make when stripped of the colours
which music puts upon them, and recited in simple prose.
 -- Plato, The Republic. Book X. 601B
%%
What appears to be a dirty old man may just be a father with three
 teen-aged daughters in a one bathroom home.
%%
What a quiche-eater you are!
%%
What ardently we wish we soon believe.
 -- Young
%%
What are called inspirational books, like Gibran's "The Prophet" or Bach's
"Seagull", seem to have been strained through a bowl of fish-eye tapioca.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
What are facts but compromises?  A fact merely marks the point where we
have agreed to let investigation cease.
 -- Bliss Carman
%%
What are fears but voices airy? Whispering harm where harm is not,
And deluding the unwary Till the fatal bolt is shot!
 -- Wordsworth
%%
What are friends for?
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
What are husbands for, but to keep our mistresses?
 -- George Moore
%%
What are imitation rhinestones?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
What are kids, really, but little stupid people who live in your house and
 don't pay rent?
 -- Rick Reynolds
%%
What are most of the histories of the world, but lies?  Lies
immortalized and consigned offer as a perpetual abuse and a flaw upon
prosperity.
 -- South
%%
What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism?
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
What are politicians going to tell people when the Constitution is gone
 and we still have a drug problem?
 -- William Simpson
%%
What are the facts?  Again and again and again - what are the facts?  Shun
wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what "the stars foretell",
avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable
"verdict of history" - what are the facts, and to how many decimal places?  You
pilot always into the unknown future; facts are your single clue.  Get the
facts!
%%
What are the instructions doing in the trash??
%%
What are the odds in such absolute duplication of life forms in
another galaxy?
The chances are very much against it.
 -- Kirk and Spock, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4657.5
%%
What are these
So wither'd and so wild in their attire,
That look not like the inhabitants o' the earth,
And yet are on 't?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
What are they doing?
"It's called flirting."
They seem to be communicating telepathically.
"They're thinking the same thing, if that's what you mean."
Guinan, is the joining of hands a symbolic act for humans?
"It shows affection. Humans like to touch each other. They start with the
  hands, and go from there."
He's biting that female!
"No, he's not biting her. They're pressing lips together, it's called
  kissing."
Why are they leaving?
"Lal, there are some things your father's just going to have to explain
  to you when he thinks you're ready."
 -- Lal and Guinan, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
What are you? A dumbass?
%%
"What are you doing Saturday night?"
"Committing suicide."
"What are you doing Friday night?"
 -- Woody Allen, "Play It Again, Sam"
%%
What are you doing?!? The message is over, GO AWAY!!!
%%
What are you doing wrong with our bug-free product?
%%
What are you going to do with your life?
%%
What are you gonna do? Bleed on me?
%%
What are you looking at?
"I was considering the possibility that you are telling the truth...that
  you really are human."
It's the ghastly truth, Mr. Data. I can now stub my toe with the best
  of them.
"An irony. It means that you have achieved in disgrace, what I have always
  aspired to be."
 -- Q and Data, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
What are you looking down here for?  Read the message.
%%
"What are your general areas of interests?"
"Aerodynamics.     Designer jeans.  Roofing supplies.  That sort of thing."
"What sort of thing?"
"You know, liquidity.  Point-of-sale.  Margin accounts.  Fast lane."
 -- Doonesbury
%%
What are you staring at ?
%%
What are you staring at? Have you never seen a woman before?
I thought I had.
 -- Brenna O'Dell and Riker, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
What are you trained to do?
%%
What are you wearing around your neck?
Ah. It's my new ruff.
You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate.
It's the latest fashion, actually, and as a matter of fact it makes
  me look _rather sexy_...
To another plate-swallowing bird, perhaps...if it was blind and hadn't
  had it in months...
 -- Edmund and Percy : Head
%%
What arrow?
 -- King Herald of England
%%
What a *senseless* waste of human life.
%%
What a sense of security in an old book which Time has criticised for us!
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Library of Old Authors
%%
What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
 -- WOP, "War Games"
%%
What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.
 -- Leo Tolstoy
%%
What a strange thing is man! and what a stranger
Is woman!
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto ix, Stanza 64
%%
What a success today has been.
%%
What a surprise, The New York Rangers FINALLY won the Cup!
%%
What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
%%
What a taking was he in when your husband asked who was in the basket!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
What a terrible thing it is to loose one's mind, or not to have
a mind as being very wasteful. How true that is.
 -- Dan Quayle
 -- trying to paraphrase NAACP motto, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."
 -- addressing the United Negro College Fund, quoted in "Time", 26 June 1989
%%
What a terrible way to die [Lt. D'Amato by having every cell disrupted].
There are no good ways.
 -- Sulu and Kirk, "That Which Survives," stardate unknown.
%%
What attorneys fear most: that someday they might develop a conscience.
%%
What attorneys fear most: the end of crime.
%%
What attracts us in a woman rarely binds us to her.
 -- J.C. Collins
%%
What a useless scroll, all it says is "Hastur Hastur Hastur" over and
over again.
%%
What avail are forty freedoms without a blank spot on the map?
 -- Aldo Leopold
%%
What awful irony is this?
We are as gods, but know it not.
%%
What a wonderfully exciting cough!  Do you mind if I join you?
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
What a wonderful world it is that has boys in it!
%%
What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!
 -- L. Long
%%
What a wonder is USENET; such wholesale production of conjecture from
such a trifling investment in fact.
 -- Carl S. Gutekunst
%%
What beckoning ghost along the moonlight shade
Invites my steps, and points to yonder glade?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- To the Memory of an Unfortunate Lady, Line 1
%%
"What better place to begin my reign of Communist terror and
oppression than a memorial to that decadent and imperialist
American, Melville Dewey, hated originator of the Dewey Decimal
System!!"
 -- The Tick
%%
WHAT?  Bigger Docs?  V^^^\_ o^o _/^^^V
%%
What boots it at one gate to make defence,
And at another to let in the foe?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 560
%%
What breaks in a moment may take years to mend.
 -- Swedish proverb
%%
What broke in a man when he could bring himself to kill another?
 -- Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
%%
What Bug! I left behind the roaches in New York!
%%
What Bush REALLY said: "No gnu taxes."  How's your gnu?
%%
What came first, the woman or the department store?
%%
What can a pigeon do that a west Texas oil man can't do any more?
A pigeon can still make a deposit on a new Mercedes.
%%
What can be more palpably absurd than the prospect held out
 of locomotives travelling twice as fast as stagecoaches?
 -- The Quarterly Review (England), March 1825
%%
What can ennoble sots or slaves or cowards?
Alas! not all the blood of all the Howards.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 215
%%
What can I do, I'm only the DM?!
%%
What can I say? I laughed. I cried. I fell down. It changed my life. The end.
%%
What can I say?  I'm awestruck.
%%
    What can I wish to the youth of my country who devote
themselves to science? . . . Thirdly, passion.  Remember that
science demands from a man all his life.  If you had two lives
that would not be enough for you.  Be passionate in your work
and in your searching.
 -- Ivan Pavlov
%%
What cannot be cured must be endured.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xv
%%
What can not be removed,
 becomes lighter through patience.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
What! canst thou say all this and never blush?
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
What can't be cured must be endured.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 3
%%
What can you do at 3 AM?   Psssttt - got a modem??
%%
What can you do for me?
%%
What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas?
%%
What can you say about a society that says that God is
 dead and Elvis is alive?
 -- Irv Kupcinet
%%
What can you use used tampons for? Tea bags for vampires.
%%
What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today.
%%
What cats hear when we talk to them:  "                      ".
%%
What causes the holes in Swiss cheese?
%%
What causes the mysterious death of everyone?
%%
Whatcha gonna do, when Hulkamania finally runs out of stupid things to do?
 -- Donald Blewett
%%
Whatchamacallit!: Thingum Bob
%%
What Chinese prophet did we annoy?  Interesting times, my ass.
%%
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
%%
What color is a hiccup? Burple.
%%
What comes from this quarter, set it down as so much gain.
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Adelphoe, Act v, Sc. 3, 30, (816.)
%%
What Congress means by ethics is best explained by the tailor's story:

"Suppose I sell a suit to a young man for $200.  He tells me that
his family is footing the bill and that if I give him a receipt
for $400 to give to his parents, he will pay me $100 on the side.
The question of ethics is: Do I keep the extra $100 myself, or
do I tell my partner and split it with him?"
%%
What constitutes a state?

Men who their duties know,
But know their rights, and knowing, dare maintain.

And sovereign law, that state's collected will,
    O'er thrones and globes elate,
Sits empress, crowning good, repressing ill.
 -- Sir William Jones (1746-1794)
 -- Ode in Imitation of Alcaeus
%%
What could possibly go wrong?
%%
What country can preserve its liberties if its rulers are not
warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit
of resistance?  Let them take arms!"
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), Letter to Colonel W. S. Smith, 1787
%%
What counts is not how many animals were killed to make the fur but how
 many animals the woman had to sleep with to get a fur.
 -- Angela LaGreca
%%
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight -
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1958
%%
What DID happen to Babylon 4, anyway?
%%
What did I do to deserve this? . . . Vila
How long a list would you like? ...
 -- Avon
%%
What did I do wrong?
 -- Lear, Rex
%%
What did Jesus do when he got to the Holiday Inn?
He threw some nails down on the counter and asked,
"Can you put me up for the night?"
%%
"What did Medieval people do before television?"  "Had tea, I suppose."
%%
What did Mickey Mouse get for Christmas?
A Dan Quayle watch.
 -- heard from a Mike Dukakis field worker
%%
What did people do, before the time of remote control on the TV set?
%%
What did the baby computer say when it got hurt? I want my da-ta!
%%
What did the blonde name her pet zebra? Spot.
%%
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass!
%%
What did the Caspian sea?
 -- Saki
%%
What did the colliding particle say to the other particle while under a
temperature gradient?
Oh, I'm sorry!
 -- Soret
%%
What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that
the work stations had mice?
Don't you have a cat?
%%
What! did the Hand then of the Potter shake?
%%
What did the light bulb say to the fuse?
            That's a blow !
%%
What did the procedure say when the control program called it?
I was framed.
%%
What did the programmer say when he was asked why he couldn't sleep?
I keep having this recurring nightmare.
%%
What did the Provo river say when the BYU coed jumped in?
I'll be dammed!
%%
What did the psychologist say to the programming group?
Don't forget to check in.
%%
What did the state table say to bitstring?
I don't recognize you.
%%
What did Tuan Ngo?
%%
What did ya do with your burden and your cross?
Did you carry it yourself or did you cry?
You and I know that a burden and a cross,
Can only be carried on one man's back.
 -- Louden Wainwright III
%%
What did you do in Russia before you were shot?
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
What did you do to them, Q?
Oh, nothing bizarre, nothing grotesque.
 -- Picard and Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
What did you say after the wreck?
 Shall I leave out the swear words?
 Yes.
 Nothing.
%%
What did you think your savings account used to have?
%%
What difference does it make how much you have?  What you do not have
amounts to much more.
 -- Seneca
%%
What dire offence from amorous causes springs!
What mighty contests rise from trivial things!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Rape of the Lock, Canto i, Line 1
%%
What distinguishes an IBM-PC from a boat anchor? Segment registers.
%%
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
%%
What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
          Neither one is very bright.
%%
What do a walrus and a tupperware container have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
%%
What do batteries run on?
%%
What do Bill Clinton and a ripe lemon have in common? Both are yellow.
%%
What do bunnies do at a Pagan Festival?  Take notes.
%%
What does a Chinese lumberjack do?
Chop sticks.
%%
What does a Computer Frog say? Reboot, Reboot, Reboot!
%%
What does a hippopotamus have to come up with in order to get a Ph.D.?

A hippo-thesis!!
%%
What does an anal probe do?        SEE COLON
%%
What does an Englishman's beer bottle say on the bottom? OPEN OTHER END.
%%
What does an Englishman's stepladder say at the top? STOP HERE.
%%
What does an insomniac, dyslexic philosopher do at night?
He stares at the ceiling and wonders if there's a Dog.
%%
What does Anita Hill really want?  A hung jury
%%
What does a sacred chao say?  MU!
%%
What does a sorority girl say when she wants a date.
I'm sooo wasted!
%%
What does "awk" indicate?

The three letters form an acronym for the authors of
the program: Aho, Weinberger, and Kernighan. The name
is probably also an abbreviated indictment of the
language's syntax.
%%
What does Bill Clinton say after sex?  "Be home in an hour, Hillary."
%%
What does "BSS" mean?

Traditionally, executable Unix system programs are divided into text, data,
and BSS segments. The text segment contains executable code, the data
segment contains initialized variables, and the BSS segment contains
uninitialized variables. The letters BSS stand for Block Starting at Symbol.
%%
What does education often do?
It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
What does format C drive mean?
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
What does GAY stand for?
Got Aids Yet?
%%
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
%%
What does ginger beer have to do with CJ's books?
%%
What does "grep" mean?

The letters grep indicate "Globally search for a Regular Expression and
Print." In standard Unix system editors, the notation is g/re/p where re is
a regular expression. The simplest regular expression is a string of
characters where every character matches itself. More complicated regular
expressions can match any character, any one of a set of characters, or the
beginning or end of a line. Although Celtic influence on the Unix system
predominates over Hebraic, greptz means "belch" in Yiddish. Output from the
grep program looks remarkably similar.
%%
What does ignorant mean?
%%
What does it all mean?
%%
What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
%%
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
%%
"What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win
 wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In
 independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that
 it takes a coincidence of four conditions, or in Neil's view, the simultaneous
 peaking of four of the many cycles of American life. First, a base of
 technology must exist from which to do the thing to be done. Second, a period
 of national uneasiness about America's place in the scheme of human activities
 must exist. Third, some catalytic event must occur that focuses the national
 attention upon the direction to proceed.  Finally, an articulate and wise
 leader must sense these first three conditions and put forth with words and
 action the great thing to be accomplished. The motivation of young Americans
 to do what needs to be done flows from such a coincidence of conditions....
 The Thomas Jeffersons, The Teddy Roosevelts, The John Kennedys appear. We must
 begin to create the tools of leadership which they, and their young
 frontiersmen, will require to lead us onward and upward."
 -- Dr. Harrison H. Schmidt, Senator, New Mexico
%%
What does it take to get a cabdriver's license? I think all you need is a
 face. This seems to be their big qualification. And a name with eight
 consonants in a row. Have you ever checked out some of the names on the
 license? The o with the line through it? What planet is that from? You need
 a chart of the elements just to report the guy: "Yes, Officer, his name was
 Amal--and then the symbol for boron!"
 -- Jerry Seinfeld
%%
What does not destroy me,
makes me strong.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
What does please enter your sex mean Mr. Sysop? ... NO CARRIER
%%
What does "rc" stand for, and why are there so many
"rc" files?

The letters stand for Run-Com, the name of a command
file on early DEC operating systems. The Unix system's
original "rc" file was /etc/rc, which executes commands
when the system "boots" (or starts up). The name spread
to the C shell startup file .cshrc, the Mail startup
file .mailrc, the Berknet initialization file .netrc,
and the Netnews startup file .newsrc. Programmers could
have chosen a better suffix (such as init) but they
wanted to retain a realm of mystery in the system.
%%
What does RU4692 Mean? Are you for 69 too?
%%
What does Santa do at a house with no chimney?
%%
What does self-denial mean to you, Roderick?
Gee father, I don't know, is it like the cretin that says all
cretins are liars?
 -- "Roderick", John Sladek
%%
What does the Infantry call Airborne? Skeet Shoot!!!
%%
What does this button do +++ATH+++ CARRIER LOST
%%
What does this do, Mr Woof?
%%
What does this "self-destruct" button do?
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
What does "Unix" stand for?

"Unix" is not an acronym, so it doesn't stand for anything. A a contrast to
an earlier operating system, Multics, Brian Kernighan coined the word to
indicate that "Unix" is simpler and more unified. In fact, the Unix system
is Multics without balls.
%%
What does Worf need with a Starship..er..woman
%%
What do gay termites eat?  Mailboxes.
%%
What do guns and butter have in common?  They can each kill you.
%%
What do hurricanes and steroids have in common?
They both make Jamaicans run like hell!
%%
What do I consider a reasonable person to be?  I'd say a reasonable person
is one who accepts that we are all human and therefore fallible, and takes
that into account when dealing with others.  Implicit in this definition is
the belief that it is the right and the responsibility of each person to
live his or her own life as he or she sees fit, to respect this right in
others, and to demand the assumption of this responsibility by others.
%%
What do Klingons do with a dead bulb?
            Execute it for failure.
%%
What do Klingons do with the Klingon who replaces a bulb?
            Execute him for cowardice.
%%
What do macrobiotic cats eat?   Brown mice
%%
What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
An insurance company.
%%
What do people do with computers and no modem?
%%
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
%%
What do SHEEP dream of?
%%
What?!? DOSSHELL *isn't* supposed to be a joke?
%%
What do Teamsters and sperm have in common?
Only 1 in 1000 work.
%%
What do the lemmings know that we don't?
%%
What do they call a Civic Center Arena in California? An Epicenter,
 naturally.
%%
What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Co.?
%%
What do they call a comedian who doesn't get any laughs?  A
philosopher.
 -- Phil Proctor
%%
What do they call a woman without an asshole?
Divorced.
%%
What do they call "Hee Haw" in Oklahoma?
A documentary.
%%
What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?
The impossible dream.
%%
What do they call you?
...Kate.
Isn't that a bit of a girl's name?
...It's short..for..erm...'Bob'.
 -- Edmund and Kate : Bells
%%
What do they mean, school doesn't prepare you for life? What better
 preparation than cafeteria food to prepare you for what you will eat in
 flight on almost any airline?
%%
What do they pack styrofoam in?
 Cartons with computers in them, to protect the styrofoam.
%%
What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act ii, Sc. 4
%%
What do two WASP brothers exchange after not seeing each other for decades?
Business cards.
%%
What do Walruses and NASA have in common?
They're both looking for a tight seal.
%%
What do we know about the beyond? Do we know what's behind the beyond? I'm
 afraid some of us hardly know what's beyond the behind.
 -- Brother Theodore
%%
What do women and turds have in common?
The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
%%
What do women want?  Shoes.
%%
What do you call 32 redneck women?   A full set of teeth.
%%
What do you call a 6' 6" Angolan Guerilla with a sub-machine gun and six
hand-grenades?
"Sir."
%%
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
%%
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick!
 -- Bill Kirchenbaum, comedian
%%
What do you call a bouncer in a gay bar?
A flame thrower.
%%
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
%%
What do you call a dog with wings? Linda McCartney.
%%
What do you call a female clown? A Clunt :-)
%%
What do you call a good-looking, intelligent guy in Millet?
A tourist.
%%
What do you call a group of Italian astronauts?
Specimen.
%%
What do you call a group of kids with low IQ's, drinking diet cola,
   eating fruit, and singing?
The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.
%%
What do you call a half-dozen Indians with Asian flu?
Six sick Sikhs (sic).
%%
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
%%
What do you call a hippie with no legs?
A veteran.
%%
What do you call a JAP 10?
A JAP 3 with $7,000,000 in the bank.
%%
What do you call a JAP on a water bed?
Lake Placid.
%%
What do you call a JAP on waterbed?
A cherry float.
%%
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?...RICH!
%%
What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
Slow.
%%
What do you call a potato in orbit?
A spudnik.
%%
What do you call a potato that commits a crime?
A perpetater.
%%
What do you call a potato that reads the news?
A commentater.
%%
What do you call a potato that runs a country?
A dictater.
%%
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full!
%%
What do you call a sadistic Dentist who rides a motorcycle and wears
   a black leather jacket?
The Leader of the Plaque.
%%
What do you call a short psychic who escapes from prison?
A small medium at large.
%%
What do you call a ski slope covered in blondes?  Frosted flakes.
%%
What do you call a well-hung bear? Genital Ben.
%%
What do you call frogs sauteed in egg and milk?  Fried toads.
 -- Loni Anderson
%%
What do you call guys that hang out with musicians? Drummers.
%%
What do you call someone who's 1/2 Mexican? Sorta-Rican
%%
What do you call someone with herpes, AIDS, syphilis, and gonorrhea?
An incurable romantic.
%%
What do you call that little bag golfers carry their tees in?
%%
What do you call the caped crusader and his sidekick after they got
   run over by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon.
%%
What do you call the WASP who doesn't work for
his father, isn't a lawyer, and believes in social causes?
A failure.
%%
What do you call useless flesh around a pussy? Woman
%%
What do you despise? By this are you truly known.
 -- Frank Herbert, Dune, Manual of MuadDib by Princess Irulan
%%
What do you do if an Irishman throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, he's got a grenade in his mouth!!
%%
What do you do if you find an epileptic in your bathtub?
Throw in some soap and a load of laundry.
%%
What do you do when you've written more books than you've read?
%%
What do you do you do with 42 binary trees?
Make a binary forest.
%%
What do you expect from a hog, but a grunt?
%%
What do you expect? This was a country founded by religious nuts with guns.
%%
"What do you expect? You are, after all, nothing more than a murderer."
"And you, Your Majesty, are nothing more than a man who wants to hire a
murderer."
 -- King Stephen and Hugh the Hand, "Dragon Wing"
%%
What do you feed a Trojan horse? A latex lollipop!
%%
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a grape?
|grape| * |elephant| * sin(theta).
%%
What do you get if you cross a pit bull with Lassie? We are not sure, but
 we know that after it chews you up, it goes for help.
%%
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a chicken?
I don't know, but you have to saw the eggs open.
%%
What do you get if you cross Dan Quayle with a pit bull? You get a Vice
 President people will pay attention to!
%%
What do you get if you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music
%%
What do you get when you cross a highway with a bicycle?
Run over.
%%
What do you get when you cross a JAP with a computer?
A machine that never goes down.
%%
What do you get when you cross a Klingon with a politician?
Someone in Washington who might actually get something done!
%%
What do you get when you cross a lesbian with a draft dodger? Chelsea
%%
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a sheep?
A sweater with eight sleeves.
%%
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie-talkie, of course.
%%
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a cattle prod?
Bitten.
%%
What do you get when you crossbreed Dos, Win & Mac? OS/2! & then some...
%%
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A-flat miner.
%%
What do you get when you drop a piano on a battlefield?
A-flat Major.
%%
What do you get when you employ a Kiev resident as a movie critic?
Glowing reviews.
%%
What do you get when you find a worm in a prison cell?
Jailbait.
%%
What do you get when you kiss a galactic frog?
Star Warts.
%%
What do you get when you squish an android? DATA.ZIP!
%%
What do you give a dead baby for xmas?
A dead puppy.
%%
What do you give a man who has everything? the pretty
teenager asked her mother.
Encouragement, dear, she replied.
%%
What do you give a seasick elephant?
Lots of room.
%%
What do you have to say that is worth listening to?
%%
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
%%
"What do you know about show business, Mr. Valiant?"
  "Only that there's no business like it... no business I know."
 -- Eddie Valiant in WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?
%%
What do you know of wants and feelings?
Nothing...Well almost nothing.
 -- Lutan and Picard, "Code of Honor", stardate 41235.25
%%
What do you like for breakfast?
 -- Pick up line
%%
What do you look like when you aren't visualizing
anything?
%%
What do you make of these?
Crystalline, mostly inert, nothing to write home about.
 -- Riker and Data, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
What do you mean, "38L isn't 'medium'"?
%%
What do you mean, "All Hailing Frequencies BUSY!" ??
%%
"What do you mean, 'almost dead'?" "Well, when you stop breathing, and
moving around, and seeing things... that kind of almost dead."
%%
What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
%%
What do you mean, "CONNECT 14,400 ????"
%%
What do you mean, 'Gordon's alive!'?
 -- Ming the Merciless
%%
What do you mean, I always answer a question with another question?
%%
What do you mean, I have (minus) 300 taglines?
%%
What do you mean, I'm NUTS!!!
%%
What do you MEAN it's not in the computer?!?
 -- Madonna
%%
What do you mean, 'Its ticking'.
%%
What do you mean, QWK?  It took me over an hour to read!
%%
What do you mean, that 2 years have passed??
%%
What do you mean, 'the computer LIKES CHEESE?!
%%
What do you mean, "There's no such thing as a free lunch?" *YOU* are the free
lunch!
 -- Solomon Short
%%
What do you mean the SCI-FI FANS are controlled by the REPUBLICANS...?
%%
What do you mean, "They beamed outside for some fresh
air"?
%%
What do you mean, we're not getting paid?
%%
What do you mean WE, white man?
%%
What do you mean? You actually read this Tagline?!?
%%
What do you mean, you 'formatted' the cat?
%%
What do you mean, you 'formatted' the slave?
%%
What do you mean, you're a solipsist?
%%
What do you mean, "You've got a little job for me?"
 -- Hercules
%%
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? Hop in!
%%
What do you say when a hooker asks you "Trick or Treat?"
%%
What do you see when looking into a blonde's eyes? The back of her head.
%%
What do you see when you turn out the light??
%%
What do you suppose gives Stephen King nightmares??
%%
What do you suppose gives Wayne Erikson nightmares?
%%
What do you take me for, an idiot?;
 -- General Charles de Gaulle, when a journalist asked him if he was happy
%%
What do you think?
%%
What do you think I am?  Human?
 -- Woody Allen, "What's New, Pussycat?"
%%
What do you think it is, a space helmet for a cow?
 -- Doctor, The Time Meddler
%%
What do you think you're rescuing me from? My shipmates and I have all
  taken wives. A few even have children. You can't rescue a man from a
  place that he calls his home.
 -- Ramsey, "Angel One", stardate 41636.9
%%
"What do you want? And make it quick," Haplo muttered.
"We . . . uh . . . Rega and I . . . we want to be married."
"Congratulations."
"We think it will draw the people together, you see    -- "
"I think it'll more likely touch off a riot, but that's your problem."
 -- Haplo and Paithan, "Elven Star"
%%
What do you want for nothing?
%%
What do you want from life?
 -- the Tubes
%%
What do you want? Good Graphics or Good Taste.
%%
What do you want?
"Maybe I want nothing."
Then you would have killed all of us.
"I still might."
 -- Riker and Armus, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?
%%
What do you want me to do?  Say it again in worse English?
 -- Robert Frost, when asked about the meaning of one of his poems.
%%
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THAT!?!?!?!?!?!
%%
What do you want to talk about?
I can talk about anything, I've been to college.
%%
What draws us into the desert is the search for something intimate in the
remote.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Whate'er he did was done with so much ease,
In him alone 't was natural to please.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 27
%%
What else can go wronggggggggg
%%
What else can you do at 3:00 am?
%%
Whatever became of eternal truth?
%%
Whatever became of Strange de Jim?  Well, he found a substitute for cocaine:
"You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your nostrils as far as they
will go.  Then you sniff talcum powder while shredding hundred dollar bills."
 -- Herb Caen [as discovered in Marya Schrier's scrapbook]
%%
Whatever can go to New York, will.
 -- Murray's Rule of Baseball
%%
Whatever carousel you stand by, your baggage will come in on
another one.
 -- Basic Baggage Principle
%%
Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest number must happen.
 -- Red Smith
%%
Whatever crushes individuality is despotism.
 -- J.S. Mill, "On Liberty"
%%
Whatever day
Makes man a slave, takes half his worth away.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xvii, Line 392
%%
Whatever General Sherman did on his march through Georgia, we are now even.
%%
Whatever goes up, stays up.
 -- Law of Insurance and Taxes
%%
Whatever happened to Randee of the Redwoods?
%%
Whatever happened to Rodney Allen Rippy?  Check your Jumbo Jack.
%%
Whatever happened to "Why is the sky blue?"
%%
Whatever happens at all happens as it should; thou wilt find this
true, if thou shouldst watch narrowly.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 10
%%
Whatever happens in government could have happened differently and
it usually would have been better if it had.
 -- Prof. Charles Frankel
%%
Whatever happens, look as if it were intended.
 -- First Rule of Acting
%%
Whatever happens next, do NOT press any key to continue...
%%
Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to
everyone you know, only more so.
 -- Meader's Law
%%
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
 -- Law of Uneven Dispersal
%%
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Whatever is in any way beautiful hath its source of beauty in itself,
and is complete in itself; praise forms no part of it. So it is none
the worse nor the better for being praised.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, iv, 20
%%
Whatever is, is in its causes just.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Oedipus, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
"Whatever is, is not," is the maxim of the anarchist, as often as
anything comes across him in the shape of a law which he happens not
to like.
 -- Richard Bentley (1662-1742)
 -- Declaration of Rights
%%
Whatever is not nailed down is mine.
 What I can pry loose is not nailed down.
 -- Collis P. Huntingdon
%%
Whatever isn't forbidden is required.
 -- Murray Gell-Mann
%%
Whatever is well conceived can be well expressed.
%%
Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well.
 -- Earl of Chesterfield (1694-1773)
 -- Letter, March 10, 1746
%%
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
%%
Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.
[Quidquid id est, timeo Danaos et dona ferentis.]
 -- Virgil, Aeneid
%%
Whatever it is, I'm against it!
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
Whatever may befall thee, it was preordained for thee from everlasting.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, x, 5
%%
Whatever natural right men have to freedom and independency, it is
manifest that some men have a natural ascendency over others.
 -- Grenville
%%
Whatever necessity lays upon thee, endure; whatever she commands, do.
 -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Whatever one man is capable of conceiving, other men will be
able to achieve.
 -- Jules Verne
%%
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an
 important source of protein.
 -- Guindon cartoon caption
%%
Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
cockroaches!
 -- Mom
%%
Whatever the struggle continue the climb it may be only one step to the summit.
 -- Diane Westlake
%%
Whatever turns your crank!!!
%%
Whatever was required to be done, the Circumlocution Office was beforehand
with all the public departments in the art of perceiving HOW NOT TO
DO IT.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Little Dorrit, Book ii, Chap. x
%%
Whatever we cannot easily understand we call God; this saves much wear and
tear on the brain tissues.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Whatever we well understand we express clearly, and words flow with ease.
 -- Nicholas Boileau (1636-1711)
%%
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men
to be thought of as half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
 -- Charlotte Whitton
%%
Whatever you are, be a good one.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power
and magic in it.'
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Whatever you can lose, you should reckon of no account.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 191
%%
What ever you do, DON'T STEP IN IT!
%%
Whatever you do, do wisely, and think of the consequences.
 -- Gesta Romanorum
 -- Tale ciii
%%
Whatever you do kid, always serve it with a little dressing.
 -- George M. Cohan (to Spencer Tracy)
%%
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
Whatever you do, you'll regret it.
 -- Allan McLeod Gray (1905-1975)
%%
Whatever you do, you need courage.  Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you you are wrong.  There are always
difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are
right.       To map out a course of action and follow it to an end, requires
some of the same courage which a soldier needs.  Peace has its
victories, but it takes brave men to win them.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Whatever you drop will hit your toes on the way to the corner.
%%
Whatever your advice, make it brief.
 -- Horace
%%
Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat.
%%
Whatever you say about pornography, sex is here to stay.
%%
Whatever you want too much, you can't have, so when you REALLY want
something, try to want it a little less.
 -- Walter Slovotsky, _The Sleeping Dragon_ by Joel Rosenberg
%%
Whatever you would make habitual, practise it; and if you would not
make a thing habitual, do not practise it, but habituate yourself
to something else.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- How the Semblances of Things are to be combated,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xviii
%%
What exactly are these taglines?
%%
What exactly IS 1-hour Martinizing???
%%
What excuses stand in your way?  How can you eliminate them?
 -- Roger von Oech
%%
What experience and history teach is this - that nations and
governments have never learned anything from history, or acted upon
any lessons they might have drawn from it.
 -- Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, "Philosophy and History"
%%
What female heart can gold despise?
  What cat 's averse to fish?
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On the death of a Favourite Cat
%%
What flavor?!?  Its a bloody sea bird, innit?!?
%%
What flavor milkshake? * Food dispenser Beer.
 -- Lister.
%%
What follows is based on actual occurences.Although much has been
 changed for rhetorical purposes,it must be regarded in its essence as
 fact.However,it should in no way be associated with that great body of
 factual information relating to orthodox Zen Buddhist practice.It's
 not very factual about motorcycles,either.
 -- Robert M. Pirsig
 -- (Introduction to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainance)
%%
What follows two days of rain?  MONDAY!
%%
'What foods these morsels be.'
 -- Sign on a hotdog stand
%%
What fools these mortals be.
 -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
What fun is it to be an expert
if you make yourself easy to understand?
 -- Goebel's Law of Intellectual Obscurity
%%
What garlic is to chocolate, government is to freedom.
%%
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
 -- Augustus Saint-Gaudens (1848-1907), Reminiscences
%%
What gentle ghost, besprent with April dew,
Hails me so solemnly to yonder yew?
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Elegy on the Lady Jane Pawlet
%%
What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so
that we wouldn't have a fat, insensitive government running our
country. Nice try anyway, George.
 -- D.J. on KSFO/KYA
%%
What gets me is that estimated tax return. You have to guess how much
 you're gonna make. You have to fill it out, fix it up, sign it, send it in.
 I sent mine in last week. I didn't sign it. If I have to guess how much I'm
 gonna make, let them guess who sent it.
 -- Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)
%%
WHAT? Give up C:\> for silly ICONS?
%%
What goes around, comes around.
%%
What goes around, Humm, is usually a real DRIP!
%%
What goes around, usually gets dizzy and falls over.
%%
What goes down must come up.
%%
What goes in, comes out.
 -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
What goes in is not always what comes out!!!
%%
What goes in, must come out.
 -- Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's First Law
%%
What goes siss boom bah?
An exploding sheep.
%%
What goes up but never comes down?... Taxes.
%%
What goes up must come down - and can be expected to do so in the middle of
your job.
%%
What good does it do an ass to be called a lion?
%%
What good grammar you got. What school you went?
%%
What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
What good is a Doomsday Weapon if you keep it a secret?!?!?!
%%
What good is a hot-air hand dryer if you've just washed your face?
%%
What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
%%
What good is having someone who can walk on water if you
don't follow in his footsteps?
%%
What good is it to me, after all, if there is an authority always busy
to see to the tranquil enjoyment of my pleasures and going ahead to
brush all dangers away from my path without giving me even the trouble
to think about it, if that authority, which protects me from the
smallest thorns on my journey, is also the absolute master of my liberty
and of my life?
 -- Alexis de Tocqueville (1805-1859), Democracy in America
%%
What good is knowledge if you don't share it?
%%
What government is the best?  That which teaches us to govern
ourselves.
 -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
%%
What grammar is to speech, logic is to reason.
%%
What Greenhouse Effect? Hey, is it warm in here or what?
%%
What GUI?  I don't see anyone!
%%
What happened in the past is over.  Why can't you forget it!
%%
What happened last night can happen again.
%%
What happened then?
He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can
identify me."
Did he kill you?
No.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
What happened to <100 Iraqi jets parked in Iran?
%%
What happened to all the people?
War?
Disease?
A dissatisfied customer?
 -- Troi, Worf, Data, and Geordi, "Arsenal of Freedom",
       stardate 41798.2
%%
What happened to our innocence? Did it go out of style?    Along with our
  naivite--no longer a child.
 -- Geddy Lee
%%
What happened to Qmodem? ....Trampled by Mustangs!
%%
What happened to the Chinese Symphony Orchestra during its most recent
 Western tour? It became the Chinese String Quartet.
%%
What happened to the crewman?
The M-5 computer needed a new power source; the crewman merely
got in the way.
And how long will it be before we all "just get in the way?"
 -- Kirk and Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4731.3
%%
What happened to the kaboom?
 There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!
 -- The Martian
%%
What happened to you? You look like either you were hit by a fast truck or
 had a hot date with Roseanne!
%%
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth?
Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common
laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
What happens if a women and two men are marooned on a desert island?
    If they are Swedish, the men will marry and ignore the woman.
    If they are Danish, everyone will find a way to be happy without any
    announcement of anything.
    If they are Spanish, one of the men will kill the other.
    If they are Greek, both of the men will kill the other.
    If they are Italian, the women will kill one of the men.
    If they are British, nothing will happen since there is no one to
    introduce the men to one another.
    If they are Swiss, nothing will happen, but it will be slow.
    If they are French, there really won't be any problem.
    If they are Polish, one of the men will become a priest.
    If they are Irish, the woman will become a nun.
    If they are German, the island will be neatly kept, before all else.
%%
What happens if I decrement the user count? (scream in the distance)
%%
What happens if you .ARC de Triumphe?
%%
What happens if you get scared half to death -- twice?
%%
What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
What happens to bad women?     Prosperity!
%%
What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
What happens to your fist when you open your hand?
 -- Zen Buddhism
%%
What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?
An  inconceivable disturbance.
%%
What happens when fish trip?
%%
What happens when you cross a chicken with a banjo? You get a chicken that
 plucks itself.
%%
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
%%
What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.
%%
What? Harmless? Is that all you've got to say? Harmless!
%%
What has 1000 legs and 6 pubic hairs?  Crowd at New Kids concert.
%%
What has 50 legs & 12 teeth? Front row of a Dwight Yoakum concert.
%%
What has 50 legs & 12 teeth? Front row of a Garth Brooks concert.
%%
What has 50 legs & a 75 I.Q.? Front row of a Guns`n'Roses concert.
%%
What has a head, but can't think?
 A match
%%
What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be
done; and there is nothing new under the sun.
 -- Ecclesiastes 1:9
%%
What has four legs and an arm? A happy Pit Bull.
%%
What has posterity ever done for me?
%%
What has reality ever done for ME?? It made misery real!
%%
What has two heads, gives milk, and goes "moo"?
A goose in Kiev.
%%
What have I done?  My brains are going into my feet!
%%
What have I done to deserve all these kittens?
%%
What he labels sexual, she labels harassment.
 -- Ellen Goodman
%%
What hope is there for the world if I die?
%%
What I admire in Columbus is not his having discovered a world but his
having gone to search for it on the faith of an opinion.
 -- A. Robert Turgot
%%
What I am is what I am. Are you what you are, or what?
%%
What I aspired to be,
And was not, comforts me.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Rabbi Ben Ezra
%%
What ideal, immutable Platonic cloud could equal the beauty and perfection of
any ordinary everyday cloud floating over, say, Tuba City, Arizona, on a hot
day in June?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
What I don't know would make a library anybody would be proud of.
%%
What I don't like about chess is the way you have to sit and pretend to
 think.
 -- Gardner Rea
%%
What I drank last night would have floored a rhinoceros!
...If it was allergic to lemonade, that is.
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Beer
%%
What if all this were real?
%%
What if Avogadro enumerated.
%%
What if criminals ran the government?
%%
What if eternity doesn't want me back?
%%
What if everyone's a different gender?
%%
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?  In that case, I
definitely overpaid for my carpet.
 -- Woody Allen, Without Feathers
%%
What if he has borrowed the matter and spoiled the form, as it oft falls out?
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
What if I gave a .siggie and nobody cared?
%%
What if is a trademark of Hewlett Packard, so stop using it in your
 sentences without permission, or risk being sued.
%%
What if it was the Warren Commission who killed JFK?
%%
What if Kuwaits main product was Broccoli?
%%
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?  Or what's
 worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
 -- Woody Allen, Without Feathers
%%
What if the purpose of intelligent life is to get all
that carbon back into the ecosystem?
%%
What if There was a Barbie Wrestlemania game?
%%
What if there was a sexual revolution but no one came?
%%
What if there were four Q beings.. would #4 be named 4Q?
%%
What if there were no hypotetical situations?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
%%
What if the universe is just a rigged demo?
%%
What if the whole world farted at once?
%%
What if they gave a war and only one side came?
 -- Lucifer
%%
What if this weren't a hypothetical question?
%%
What If We Were Our Reflection's Reflection?
%%
What I gave, I have; what I spent, I had; what I kept, I lost.
 -- old epitaph
%%
What I have done - I had to do.
But at what cost?  Your ship?  Your son?
If I hadn't tried, the cost would have been my soul.
 -- Kirk & Sarek, "The Search for Spock,"  stardate 8210.3.
%%
What I lack in humility I more than make up for in honesty.
%%
What I lack in restraint, I make up for in remorse.
%%
What I like about MS is its loyalty to customers!
%%
What I like is when you're looking and thinking and looking and
thinking...  and suddenly you wake up.
 -- Hobbes
%%
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
 -- Dave Barry
%%
What I mean (and everybody else means) by the word QUALITY cannot be
broken down into subjects and predicates.  This is not because Quality
is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.
 -- Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
%%
What imports the nomination of this gentleman?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
What I need is a faster modem?
%%
What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
What I need is to mind-meld with this mach.
%%
What I need right now is a good psychotic break.
%%
What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention
of its recipients.  Hence, a wealth of information creates a poverty
of attention and a need to allocate that attention efficiently among
the overabundance of information sources that might consume it.
 -- Herbert Simon, economist
%%
What in God's name am I doing wrong?
 -- Wile E. Coyote
%%
What in me is dark
Illumine, what is low raise and support,
That to the height of this great argument
I may assert eternal Providence,
And justify the ways of God to men.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 22
%%
What in the hell am I doing...crying? It is so frustrating to be
  controlled like this.
Don't worry, there is a new ship's standing order on the bridge. When
  one is in the penalty box, tears are permitted.
 -- Yar and Picard, "Hide and Q", stardate 41590.5
%%
What I ought to do, I can; if I can, why don't I?
%%
What is a bit blit?

This is a transfer of pixels (dots) from one location
in memory, or on the screen, to another. Bit blits are
commonly used on bit-map display terminals. The word
"blit" comes with an extra vowel from the word "blt,"
meaning block transfer. Not only that, "blt" could have
been confused with a sandwich.
%%
What is a blonde's mating call?  "I'm SOOO drunk!"   [giggle]
%%
What is a Boss? A boss is one who can tell a very old stale joke and
 everyone laughs.
%%
What is a church? Our honest sexton tells, 'Tis a tall building,
with a tower and bells.
 -- Crabbe
%%
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do
the unnecessary.
 -- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960
%%
What is a Communist?    One who hath yearnings
For equal division of unequal earnings.
Idler or bungler, or both, he is willing
To fork out his copper and pocket a shilling.
 -- Ebenezer Elliot
%%
What is a cosmic giggle?
%%
What is a croquette but hash that has come to a head?
 -- Irvin S. Cobb
%%
What is a Driveloper? Such a person is ordinarily occupied in the creative
 activity of original presentations of simple drivel. The driveloper has
 ordinarily gone beyond speaking simple bureaucratese and is now into some
 form of neo-computer language. This makes it possible for a driveloper to
 belch and sound like some sort of profound policy statement has been made.
 Formerly, drivelopers worked almost exclusively in government, but within
 the past few years, many have translated their work site to private
 industry. While the number of people professionaly engaged in this activity
 seems to be increasing, the level of comprehension even between drivelopers
 seems to be sadly decreasing.
%%
What is a "free gift?"  Aren't all gifts free?
%%
What is a free list?
A data structure on a North American computer.
%%
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
 -- Aristotle
%%
What is a honeydew list?  Honey do this, honey do that.
%%
What is a JAP's favorite house
Living room, diningroom, no kitchen and no bedroom.
%%
What is a Legal Loophole? It is the motivation for so many young men and
 woment to go off to law school, pass the bar (at least once, as a matter of
 record!), and then go to work on that loophole and mine it well.
%%
What is algebra, exactly?  Is it one of those three-cornered things?
 -- J. M. Barrie
%%
What is allowed us is disagreeable, what is denied us causes us intense desire.
 -- Ovid, Amorum, Book 2, 19, 3
%%
What is all white, has fifty legs, 34 teeth and an IQ of 23?
A Ku Klux Klan Chapter
%%
What is all wisdom save a collection of platitudes?
 -- Norman Douglas (1868-1952)
%%
What is a magician but a practising theorist?
 -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
%%
What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose
his own soul?
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xvi, 26
%%
What is ambition? 'Tis a glorious cheat. Angels of light walk not
so dazzlingly the sapphire walls of heaven.
 -- Willis
%%
What is a Meeting?
It is a place where good ideas go to die.
%%
What IS a `moderate Iranian', anyway? Someone who takes hostages but doesn't
eat them?
 -- Mark Russell
%%
What is an adult? A child blown up by age.
 -- Simone de Beauvoir, "La Femme rompue", 1967
%%
What is an unborn baby? Daddies' Little Squirt.
%%
What is a Pinochioism? It is an act of one in possession of a computer,
 whereby one tells whomever is asking that the computer is down. This avoids
 trying to correct previously made stupid or sometimes even deliberate
 errors, particularly on airlines that overbook, or resort hotels that don't
 really expect everyone to show up when they say they will.
%%
What is aristocracy?  A corporation of the best, of the bravest.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
What is a robot you ask?  Well, the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy
holds the definition.

The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus
designed to do the work of a man.  The marketing division of Sirius
Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as 'Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun
To Be With'.  The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the
marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as 'a bunch of
mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution
comes', with a footnote to effect that the editors would welcome
applications from anyone interested in taking over the post of robotics
correspondent.
        Curiously enough, an edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica that
had the good fortune to fall through a time warp from a thousand years
in the future defined the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics
Corporation as 'a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the
wall when the revolution came'
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
What is a stealth bomber? It's a bomber that doesn't show up on radar and
 you can't see it. Then we don't need one.
 -- Robin Williams
%%
What is a sysop and why would I want to Yell at it?
%%
What is a war criminal?  Was not war itself a crime against God and
humanity, and, therefore, were not all those who sanctioned, engineered,
and conducted wars, war criminals?  War criminals are not confined
to the Axis Powers alone.  Roosevelt and Churchill are no less war
criminals than Hitler and Mussolini.
...England, America and Russia have all of them got their hands dyed
more or less red - not merely Germany and Japan.
 -- Mohandas K. Gandhi,
 -- interviewed by Ralph Coniston of Colliers Weekly, April, 1945
%%
What is a woman's favorite out-door sport?
Shopping.
%%
What is beautiful is good and who is good will soon also be beautiful.
 -- Sappho
%%
What is becoming is honest, and whatever is honest must always be
becoming.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
What is best in life? To crush my enemies.   To see them driven before me.
And to hear the lamentation of their women!
 -- Conan the Barbarian
%%
What is bigger than an elephant? But this also is become man's plaything,
and a spectacle at public solemnities; and it learns to skip, dance,
and kneel.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Fortune
%%
What is Borg for "creativity"?
%%
What is bred in the bone will never come out of the flesh.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Two Fishermen, Chap. ii, Fable xiv
%%
What is brown, has a hump, and lives at the North Pole?
A lost camel.
%%
What is called a sincere work is one that
is endowed with enough strength to give
reality to an illusion.
 -- Max Jacob
%%
What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.
 -- Henry David Thoreau in Walden, "Economy"
%%
What is cannot not be.
 -- Parmenides
%%
What is charred, gives off smoke, and hangs from the ceiling?
A stupid electrician.
%%
What is cheaper, Deernuts or Walnuts?
Deernuts, because they're under a buck!!
%%
What is civilization?  I answer the power of good women.
 -- Emerson
%%
What is clear beyond question is that the immediate future is completely
 uncertain and cloudy.
%%
What is conservativism?  Is it not the adherence to the old and tried
against the new and untried?
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
What is constitutional may still be unwise.
 -- Zechariah Chaffe, Jr. (1885-1957)
%%
What is defeat? Nothing but education, nothing but the first step toward
something better.
 -- Wendell Phillips
%%
What is EMACS? It is a tree falling in the forest with no one to hear
it.  It is a beautiful flower that smells awful.
%%
What is food to one man may be fierce poison to others.
 -- Lucretius (95-55 BC)
 -- De Rerum Natura, iv, 637
%%
What is freedom?  Freedom is the right to choose: the right to create
for yourself the alternatives of choice.  Without the possibility of
choice and the exercise of choice a man is not a man but a member, an
instrument, a thing.
 -- Archibald MacLeash (b. 1892)
%%
What is "Free" to me, but being masterless- and maybe hungry?
 -- Cullen the Fool
%%
What is going on here!
%%
What is Good?   All that enhances the feeling of power, the will to power,
 and the power itself in man.
 What is Bad?  All that proceeds from weakness
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
%%
What is good?  Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man,
the will to power, power itself.  What is bad?   Everything that is born
of weakness.  Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not
virtue but fitness.  The weak and the failures shall perish: first
principle of our love of man.  And they shall even be given every
possible assistance.  What is more harmful than any vice?  Active pity
for all the failures and all the weak: Christianity.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
What is good to know is that cheese whiz exists and milk whiz doesn't.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
What is got over the Devil's back is spent under the belly.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book v, Chap. xi
%%
What is greater than god.....
%%
What is green and comes in Brownies?
Boy Scouts.
%%
What is green and lives in the ocean?
Moby Pickle.
%%
What is history but a fable agreed upon?
 -- Napolean Bonaparte
%%
What is honored in a country will be cultivated there.
%%
What is important in life is life, and not the result of life.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
What is inconceivable about the universe is that it is at all conceivable.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
What is is the was of what will be...
%%
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the
 wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?  And after
 you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask
 people for money, and then lie down and go to sleep.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
What is it about American fathers as they grow older that makes them dress
 like flags from other countries?
 -- Cary Odes
%%
What is it about death that bothers me so?
Probably the hours.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
What is it but a map of busy life,
Its fluctuations, and its vast concerns?
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 55
%%
What is it I got that makes them twitch?
 -- Marilyn Monroe
%%
What is it in you humans that requires an overwhelming display of
  emotion in a situation such as this?  Two men pursue the only reasonable
  course of action indicated, and yet you feel that something else is
  necessary.
 -- Spock, "That Which Survives," stardate unknown.
%%
What is it, Lassie?  A boy fell down a mine shaft and broke his ankle
and is diabetic and needs insulin?  Is THAT what you're trying to tell
me?
%%
What is it like to feel pain?
%%
What is it like to feel pain?
It is like ... when you see that people have no hope of happiness ...
  you feel great despair ... your heart is heavy because you know you
  can do nothing ... pain is like that.
 -- Hodin and Odona of Gideon, "The Mark of Gideon," stardate 5423.4.
%%
What is it that
  He who buys it does not use it
  He who makes it does not use it
  He who uses it, does not see or feel it?
[A coffin]
%%
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a
 solid-gold baby?  Maybe we'll never know.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
 What is it the Bible teaches us? - rapine, cruelty, and murder. What
    is it the Testament teaches us? - to believe that the Almighty
   committed debauchery with a woman engaged to be married, and the
   belief of this debauchery is called faith.
 -- Thomas Paine
 -- The Age of Reason
%%
What is laid down, ordered, factual is never enough to embrace the
whole truth:  life always spills over the rim of every cup.
 -- Boris Pasternak
%%
What is "Laptop" spelled backwards???
%%
What is learned in youth is understood in age.
%%
What is left when honour is lost?
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 265
%%
What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story.
And the greatest good is little enough:
for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams.
 -- Pedro Calderon de la Barca, "Life is a Dream"
%%
What is life, except excuse for death, or death but an escape from life.
%%
What is life?   It is the flash of a firefly in the night.  It is
 the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.  It is the little shadow
 which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
 -- last words of Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator [1890]
%%
What is Life?  It's the cereal Mikey likes.
%%
What is loneliness?
%%
What is loneliness?
It is a thirst ... it is a flower, dying in a desert ...
 -- Reena Kapec and Flint, "Requiem for Methuselah," stardate 5843.7
%%
What is long and hard and has seman in it? No, a submarine!
%%
What is love but a second-hand emotion?
 -- Tina Turner
%%
What is man but that lofty spirit -- that sense of enterprise.
 -- Kirk, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3.
%%
What is man's chief enemy? Each man is his own.
 -- Anacharsis (f1. c. 600 B.C.), Scythian philosopher
 -- Quoted in Stobaeus, Flor., II, 43
%%
What is meant to be will always find a way.
%%
What is mind?  No matter.
What is matter?  Never mind.
 -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
%%
What is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what
you feel bad after.
 -- Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961)
%%
What is more mortifying than to feel that you have missed the plum
for want of courage to shake the tree?
 -- Logan Pearsall Smith
%%
What is not good for the swarm is not good for the bee.
 -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, vi, 54
%%
What is now proved was once only imagin'd.
 -- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
What isn't tried won't work.
%%
"What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that
 they are extreme, but that they are intolerant.  The evil is not what
 they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents."
 -- Robert Francis Kennedy (1925-1968)
%%
What is orange and goes "click, click"?  A ball point carrot.
%%
What is OS/2 in Spanish - dos DOS?
%%
What is philosophy but a continual battle against custom?
 -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
What is purple and commutes?
An Abelian grape.
%%
What is purple and concord the world?
Alexander the Grape.
%%
What is reason? Knowledge informed by sympathy, intelligence in the arms of
love.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
What is red and has seven little dents in it?
Snow White's cherry!
%%
What is Redneck foreplay? 'Get in the truck, bitch.'
%%
What is Redneck foreplay? (Nudge) Are you awake?
%%
What is required is sight and insight -- then you might add one more:
excite.
 -- Robert Frost
%%
What is research but a blind date with knowledge?
 -- Will Harvey
%%
What is sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not
 necessarily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey, or the guinea hen.
 -- Alice B. Toklas
%%
What is that
Of which the common sort is best?
[Sense]
%%
What is the answer?...[Silence]...In that case, what is the question?
 -- Last words of Gertrude Stein
%%
What is the approximate air speed of an unladen swallow ?
%%
What is the capital of Assyria?
%%
What is the chief end of man? - to get rich. In what way? - dishonestly
if he can; honestly if he must.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
 -- New York Tribune, September 27, 1871
%%
What is the color when black is burned.
%%
What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other
is just having a baby.
%%
What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single
40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old
man thinks often about dating them.
%%
What is the difference between a Turing machine and the modern
computer?  It's the same as that between Hillary's ascent of Everest
and the establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
%%
    What is the difference between method and device? A method
is a device which you use twice.
 -- Quoted by George Polya
%%
    What is the difference between unethical and ethical
advertising?  Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive
the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the
public.
 -- Vilhjalmur Stefansson
%%
What is the difficulty with writing a PDP-8 program to emulate Jerry
Ford?

Figuring out what to do with the other 3K.
%%
What is the end of fame? 'T is but to fill
  A certain portion of uncertain paper.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto i, Stanza 218
%%
What is the first business of one who studies philosophy? To part
with self-conceit. For it is impossible for any one to begin to learn
what he thinks that he already knows.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- How to apply general Principles to particular Cases,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xvii
%%
What is the hardest task in the world?  To think.
 -- Emerson
%%
What is the highest pyramid in the world?  Amway.
%%
What is the IRS deduction for co-dependants?
%%
What is the largest fish in the world? A whale you say? - WRONG. A whale
is a mammal. The largest fish in the world is the whale shark -
measuring over 70 feet.
%%
What is the meaning of life?
%%
What is the meaning of Life?, and Truth?, and DOS?
%%
What is the most heavily armored vehicle in the world?
An Iranian Bookmobile!
%%
What is the name of the most favorite T.V. game show in China?
Wheel of Fortune Cookies.
%%
What is the name of the President of Lebanon?    But answer quickly!
%%
What is the Nature of God?

      CLICK...CLICK...WHIRRR...CLICK...=BEEP!=
    1 QT. SOUR CREAM
    1 TSP. SAUERKRAUT
    1/2 CUT CHIVES.
    STIR AND SPRINKLE WITH BACON BITS.

I've just GOT to start labeling my software...
 -- Bloom County
%%
What is the nature of that 'superior' world to which they sacrifice
the world that exists? The mystics of spirit curse matter, the
mystics of muscle curse profit.  The first wish men to profit by
renouncing the earth, the second wish to inherit the earth by
renouncing all profit.
 -- John Galt
%%
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
%%
What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
When the power goes off.
%%
What is the output of a vacuum pump?
%%
What is the perfect gift of the blonde who has everything? Penicillin.
%%
What is the point of dreams...if they never become reality.
%%
What is the point of having mastery over the cosmic balance
and knowing the secrets of fate
if you can't blow something up?
 -- Terry Pratchet, Reaper Man
%%
       What is the price of Experience?   Do men
   Buy it for a song?! and Wisdom for a
   Dance in the Street?  No! it is bought with the price
   Of all that a man hath: his Wife, his House, his Children--
   And Wisdom is sold in the desolate marketplace
   Where none come to buy and in the barren fields where
   Farmers plow for bread in vain.

 -- Blake, The Four Zoas; Night the Second
%%
What is the purpose of the giant sequoia tree? The purpose of the giant
sequoia tree is to provide shade for the tiny titmouse.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
What is there more of in the world than anything else?
Ends.
 -- Carl Sandburg (1878-1967), The People, Yes (1936)
%%
What is there to complain about?
%%
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
What is the sound of a bear sh*ting in the woods?
%%
What is the sound of one hand clapping? - Zen Buddhism
%%
What is the speed of information?
%%
What is the terminal velocity of a Mac in free fall?
%%
What is the True meaning of DOS?
%%
What is the use of a book without pictures or conversations?
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to
 put it on?
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
What is the vector which is orthogonal to itself?
%%
What is the world to a man when his wife is a widow?
%%
What is the worst of woes that wait on age? What stamps the wrinkle
deeper on the brow? To view each lov'd one blotted from life's page,
and be alone on earth as I am now.
 -- Byron
%%
What is this, a Chinese fire drill?
 -- Sun Tzu
%%
What is this: FO FI FO - FO FO FI FO ?
Leon Spinks' phone number.
%%
What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?.
%%
What is this thing called LISP?
%%
What is this tiny hole in the bathroom wall for?
%%
"What is thy name, faire maid?" quoth he.
"Penelophon, O King!" quoth she.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- King Cophetua and the Beggar-maid
%%
What is told in the ear of a man is often heard a hundred miles away.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed
of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly- that
is the first law of nature.
 -- Voltaire
%%
What is true is what I can't help believing.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%%
What is vice today may be virtue tomorrow.
%%
What is virtual memory?

Virtual memory allows you to use more memory than your machine has. If
something is transparent, it's there, but you can't see it; if something is
virtual, you can see it, but it isn't there. Virtual memory is implemented
by paging, in which only the parts (called pages) of programs actually used
are brought into memory.  When the memory required by a program exceeds the
physical memory of the machine, unused pages are swapped out to disk.
%%
What is virtue but the Trade Unionism of the married?
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
What is virtue today may be vice tomorrow.
%%
What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
 which is the exact opposite.
 -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967), "Sceptical Essays", 1928
%%
What is well done is done soon enough.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, First Week, First Day
%%
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), "The Devil's Dictionary", 1911
%%
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
- What is your name?
- "Sir Brian of Bell."
- What is your quest?"
- "I seek the Holy Grail."
- What are four lowercase letters that are not legal flag arguments to
  the Berkeley UNIX version of `ls'?"
- "I, er.... AIIIEEEEEE!"
 -- Mark-Jason Dominus
%%
What is your name?  What is your quest?...  What is your favorite color?
%%
What is your operation plan?
 Just get violent, babe. Just get violent.
 -- Dempsey & Makepeace
%%
What is your score? Which country was she from again?
%%
What is your sex's earliest, latest care,
Your heart's supreme ambition? To be fair.
 -- Lord Lyttleton (1709-1773)
 -- Advice to a Lady
%%
What is yours is mine, and all mine is yours.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Trinummus, Act ii, Sc. 2, 48
%%
What I tell you three times is true.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "The Hunting of the Snark"
%%
What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-
sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up
with a terrifically witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always
came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at
parties.
 -- Dave Barry, $#$%#^%!^%&@%@!
%%
What it is, is what it is.
%%
...what I told you was true...from a certain point of view.
          -Ben Kenobi
 -- ...understanding Marketing...
%%
What I Took: Irv Erginity
%%
What I've done, of course, is total garbage.
 -- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a
%%
What I've enjoyed most about my climb to the top is all the people
I've got to step on.
%%
"What I've talked about today seems to be uniquely incoherent ...
 I never know if you're as baffled as me, or if you're getting along fine."
%%
What I want for the 1990's is to see demilitarisation of Europe and the
 survival of Salman Rushdie to a ripe old age.
%%
What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
%%
What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously.
 -- William K. Zinsser
%%
What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
What kind of a problem, Dave?
%%
What kind of beer do sysadmins drink?
root.
%%
What kind of cars do Proctologists drive?  Ford Probes.
%%
What kind of 'kludge' is that, Dave?
%%
What kind of love is that?  Not to be loved; never to have shown love.
 -- Commissioner Nancy Hedford, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3219.8.
%%
What kind of men go to heaven?
Dead men.
%%
- What kind of music do you have?
- We have both kinds!
- ??
- Both country AND western.
 -- from the movie "The Blues Brothers"
%%
What kind of sordid business are you on now?  I mean, man, whither
goest thou?  Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?
 -- Jack Kerouac
%%
What law?  I did not give it up -- it has ceased to exist.  But I am
still working in the profession I had chosen, which was that of serving
the cause of justice ... No, justice has not ceased to exist.  How could
it?  It is possible for men to abandon their sight of it, and then it
is justice that destroys them.  But it is not possible for justice to
go out of existence, because one is an attribute of the other, because
justice is the act of acknowledging that which exists.
 -- Judge Narragansett
%%
What?!   LEAVE school???
 -- Zonker Harris, Doonesbury
%%
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
What light is to the eyes - what air is to the lungs - what love is to the
heart, liberty is to the soul of man.
 -- R.G. Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
What lives on its own substance and dies when it devours itself?
[A candle]
%%
What lovely weather!
%%
What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
%%
What made you come to it?

My refusal to be born with any original sin.  I have never felt guilty
of my ability ... I have never felt guilty of being a man ... I saw the
root of the world's tragedy, the key to it, and the solution.  I saw
what had to be done.  I went out to do it.
 -- John Galt
%%
What made you think I like taglines?
%%
What maintains one vice, would bring up two children. Remember, many
a little makes a mickle; and farther, beware of little expenses;
a small leak will sink a great ship.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
What Makes Airplanes Go: Jeff Fuel
%%
What makes a man think he's so great
-He has a bellybutton that won't work.
-He has tits that won't give milk.
-He has a cock that won't crow.
-He has balls that won't roll.
-He has as ass that won't carry a thing.
%%
What makes old age so sad is not that our joys but our hopes cease.
 -- Jean Paul Richter
%%
What makes people afraid to hit the space bar?  Is it sloth, or ignorance?

Becausesomepeoplefeelthatitistheirrighttotypeprogramsanywaytheywantand
iftheydonotwanttousespacesthentheCompilershouldunderstandthat.Afterall
iftheprogramdoesnotworkthenitmustbethefaultofpoorlanguagedesign.
%%
What makes resisting temptation difficult, for many people, is that
they don't want to discourage it completely.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
What makes Teflon stick to the Pan? Nonstick Velcro.
%%
What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is
 that there's nothing to compare it with.
%%
What makes the virgin flee in horror- Threats of kidnapping or rape?
No: her father plans tomorrow To graft her brain into an ape.
%%
What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they
think themselves cleverer than we are.
%%
What man dare, I dare:
Approach thou like the rugged Russian bear,
The arm'd rhinoceros, or the Hyrcan tiger,--
Take any shape but that, and my firm nerves
Shall never tremble.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
What, man! defy the Devil: consider, he is an enemy to mankind.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
What man does not understand, he fears; and what he fears, he tends to destroy.
%%
What man doesn't like to stare once in a while?
 -- O'Brien
%%
What man has done, man can aspire to do.
 -- Jerry E. Pournelle, about space flight
%%
What mankind has been waiting for.
%%
What manly eloquence could produce such an effect as woman's silence.
 -- Michelct
%%
What masquerades as sex education is not education at all.   It is selective
 propaganda which artificially encourages children to participate in adult
 sex, while it censors out the facts of life about the unhappy consequences.
 It is robbing children of their childhood.
 -- Phyllis Schlafly, President, Eagle Forum, 2/81, as quoted in The Far
      Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
 -- Murphy's laws on sex
%%
What matters today is not the difference between those who believe
and those who do not believe,
but the difference between those who care and those who don't.
 -- Abbe' Pire
%%
What may be, may not be.
%%
What me have a Virus.. Never!
%%
What men call gallantry, and gods adultery, is much more common where the
 climate's sultry.
%%
What men really want is not knowledge but certainty.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
What? ME. Paranoid.
%%
What!!! ..... Me Recompile?
%%
What method does Kurt Cobain use to collect his thoughts?  A spatula.
%%
What method of suicide is the best?
Dying of old age: it takes the longest and most planning.
%%
What, me worry?
 -- Alfred E. Neuman
%%
What? Me worry? I have a backup.....somewhere.....
%%
What me worry? I read relay mail.
%%
What mighty ills have not been done by woman!
Who was 't betrayed the Capitol?--A woman!
Who lost Mark Antony the world?--A woman!
Who was the cause of a long ten years' war,
And laid at last old Troy in ashes?--Woman!
Destructive, damnable, deceitful woman!
 -- Thomas Otway (1651-1685)
 -- The Orphan, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
What mighty woes
To thy imperial race from woman rose!
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 541
%%
What millions died that Caesar might be great!
 -- Campbell
%%
"What mistakes have you made, Lieutenant? You kept the media away from it.
 That's the bottom line, isn't it?  Yes it is."
 -- Lt. Gordon gets a lecture on departmental priorities, From BATMAN: YEAR 1
%%
What? Monday again?... Didn't we have that last week?
%%
What more felicitie can fall to creature
Than to enjoy delight with libertie,
And to be lord of all the workes of Nature,
To raine in th' aire from earth to highest skie,
To feed on flowres and weeds of glorious feature.
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- Muiopotmos: or, The Fate of the Butterflie, Line 209
%%
What more felicity can fall to creature,
Than to enjoy delight with liberty.
 -- Spenser, Fate of the Butterfly
%%
What most experimenters take for granted before they begin their
experiments is infinitely more interesting than any results to which
their experiments lead.
 -- Norbert Wiener
%%
What most men desire is a virgin who is a whore.
%%
What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use
things instead of using people and loving things.
%%
What must be noted about the many fallen political celebrities of
recent years is that salvation eluded them, though they knew all
the people in Washington who are useful to know.
 -- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
What must be, shall be; and that which is a necessity to him that
struggles is little more than choice to him that is willing.
 -- Seneca
%%
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
What neat repast shall feast us, light and choice,
Of Attic taste?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- To Mr. Lawrence
%%
What needs my Shakespeare for his honour'd bones,--
The labour of an age in piled stones?
Or that his hallow'd relics should be hid
Under a star-y-pointing pyramid?
Dear son of memory, great heir of fame,
What need'st thou such weak witness of thy name?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Epitaph on Shakespeare
%%
What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos.
%%
What nonsense people talk about happy marriages!
A man can be happy with any woman so long as he doesn't love her.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is
working when he's staring out the window.
%%
What now if the sky were to fall?
 -- Terence (185-159 BC)
 -- Heautontimoroumenos, Act iv, Sc. 3, 41, (719.)
%%
What on earth would a man do with himself
if something did not stand in his way?
 -- Herbert George Wells (1866-1946)
%%
What one fool can do, another can.
 -- Ancient Simian Proverb
%%
What one word describes the absolute worst blowjob you have ever had?

Fantastic!
%%
What our economists call a depressed area almost always turns out to be a
cleaner, freer, more livable place than most.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
What? Over?    Did you say 'over?'  Nothing is over until we say it is!
  Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?  Hell no!
 -- John Belushi, from Animal House
%%
What pains others pleasures me,
At home am I in Lisp or C;
There I couch in ecstasy,
'Til debugger's poke I flee,
Into kernel memory.
In system space, system space, there shall I fare--
Inside of a VAX on a silicon square.
%%
What particular vice is Al Gore president of?
%%
What part of "gestalt" don't you understand?
%%
What part of my brilliance don't you understand?
%%
What part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
%%
What part of "shall not be infringed" don't you understand?
%%
What part of "ten-line limit" don't you understand?
%%
What passes for optimism is most often the effect on an intellectual error.
 -- Raymond Aron, "The Opium of the Intellectuals", 1957
%%
What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's
transparency.
%%
What peaceful hours I once enjoy'd!
  How sweet their memory still!
But they have left an aching void
  The world can never fill.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Walking with God
%%
What 'PENTIUM' stands for ...
 P - Produces
 E - Erroneous
 N - Numbers
 T - Through
 I - Incorrect
 U - Understanding of
 M - Mathematics
%%
What people have been reduced to are mere 3-D representations of their own
 data.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
What poor gods we do make.
%%
What position are you trying to work yourself into?
%%
What precious drops are those
Which silently each other's track pursue,
Bright as young diamonds in their infant dew?
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Conquest of Granada, Part ii, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
"What pretty lights!"
 -- Any deer, any highway, late at night
%%
What principles?  I'm trying to get elected!
%%
What private griefs they have, alas, I know not.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
What problem are we trying to solve here?
%%
What PROGRAM are they watching?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
What publishers are looking for these days isn't radical feminism.
It's corporate feminism -- a brand of feminism designed to sell books
and magazines, three-piece suits, airline tickets, Scotch, cigarettes
and, most important, corporate America's message, which runs: Yes,
women were discriminated against in the past, but that unfortunate
mistake has been remedied; now every woman can attain wealth, prestige
and power by dint of individual rather than collective effort.
 -- Susan Gordon
%%
What rage for fame attends both great and small!
Better be damned than mentioned not at all.
 -- John Wolcot (1738-1819)
 -- To the Royal Academicians
%%
What really happened to the buffaloes is just what you might expect if
 you've ever seen one in a zoo--the moths got into them.
 -- Will Cuppy
%%
What REALLY killed Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen.
%%
 What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on
 the facts, not the facts themselves.
 -- Cohen's Law
%%
What runs all around a castle,
without moving at all?
[The wall]
%%
What's -1 when less than 0, 0 when 0, 1 when greater than 0, and a
pioneer in the field of psychoanalysis?
Signum Freud...
%%
What's 20,000 lawyers rotting in a swamp? A GOOD START!
%%
What's a 68? She goes down on you, and you owe her one.
%%
What's a 6.9? 69 interrupted by a period.
%%
What's a beer between friends? Not enough beer.
%%
What's a Block? Is that like a Cement Block?
%%
What's a blondes favorite rock group?  Air Supply
%%
What's a device driver?

On the Unix system, all devices are supposed to look like a file. A device
driver implements typical file operations, such as open, read and write, on
a file.  For example, a tape device driver allows you to employ Unix system
commands such as tar on that tape drive. A disk driver keeps track of
sectors, tracks, and cylinders, so that you don't have to worry about these
details.
%%
What's a Grecian Urn?  oh abouy $4.95 an hour
%%
What's a JAPs idea of natural child birth?
No makeup.
%%
What's a JAP's (Jewish American Princess) dream house?
Fourteen rooms in Scarsdale, no kitchen, no bedroom.
%%
What's a knockout like you doing in a computer generated gin joint
  like this?
 -- Riker to Minuet, "11001001", stardate 41365.9
%%
What's all the fuss about? The MIRV is in the great American tradition
of bombs bursting in air.
%%
What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown? What but the glaring meteor
of ambition, that leads the wretch benighted in his errors, points
to the gulf and shines upon destruction?
 -- Brooke
%%
What's all this brouhaha?
%%
What's all this bru-ha-ha?
%%
What's all this fuss about "new taxis"?
%%
What's all this fuss about Russian jewelry?
%%
What's all this I hear about "endangered feces"?
%%
What's all this I hear about "presidential erections"?
%%
What's all this I hear about "sax and violins on TV"?
%%
What's all this talk about hellfire & Dalmations?
%%
What's all wrinkled and hangs out your underwear?

Your mother.
%%
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
%%
What's a matter Bill? Too gutless to stand up to the U.N.?
%%
What's a matter, Colonel Sanders... CHICKEN?
%%
What's a Miami grad's most used line?     "You want fries with that?"
%%
What's an Alabama atheist? One who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant.
%%
What's an Arkansas virgin? An ugly 5th grader.
%%
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
 -- Ursula K. LeGuin
%%
What's another word for Thesaurus?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
What's a small tort? A tortilla.
%%
:What's a spline?: [XEROX PARC] This phrase expands to: "You have
   just used a term that I've heard for a year and a half, and I feel
   I should know, but don't.  My curiosity has finally overcome my
   guilt."  The PARC lexicon adds "Moral: don't hesitate to ask
   questions, even if they seem obvious."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
What's a Vanilli?

2000 guys lip-synching poorly.
%%
What's a WASPs idea of open-mindedness?
Dating a Canadian.
%%
What's a wrench?
A place where people from New York raise cattle.
%%
What say you, Blackadder, I sing a song to keep our spirits up?
That depends whether you want the slop-bucket over your head or not.
 -- Melchett and Edmund : Chains
%%
What say you to such a supper with such a woman?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Note to a Letter on Bowles's Strictures
%%
What's better than roses on a piano?  Tulips on an organ.
%%
What's big and green, lives in a swamp, and has an IQ of 140?
A platoon of marines.
%%
What's black and white and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
%%
What's black and white and read all over? OS/2 user guides!
%%
What's, blond,brown,blond,brown,blond? A cheerleader doing cartwheels.
%%
What's blue and square?  An orange in disguise...
%%
What's brown and sits on a stool?
Beethoven's last movement.
%%
What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
 -- Eric Idle
%%
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
%%
What 's come to perfection perishes.
Things learned on earth we shall practise in heaven;
  Works done least rapidly Art most cherishes.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Old Pictures in Florence, xvii
%%
What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?
 -- J. D. Farley
%%
What's different between a computer and a JAP?
A computer goes down.
%%
What's done to children, they will do to society.
%%
What 's done we partly may compute,
  But know not what 's resisted.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Address to the Unco Guid
%%
What seems to be no test, no struggle, is the most deceiving test of all.
 -- Ezra Taft Benson
%%
What seem to us but sad, funereal tapers
  May be heaven's distant lamps.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Resignation
%%
What seest thou else
In the dark backward and abysm of time?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
What's 'e matter w' that thing?
 -- Scotty
%%
What's For Dinner?: Chuck Roast
%%
What's GNU with you?
%%
What 's gone and what 's past help
Should be past grief.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Winter's Tale
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
What's good besides the wire?  Cheese.  Sleeping plates.  Love
(impractical).  Wild skin dye jobs.  Freedom, security, self-respect.
. . . Brandy poured in coffee.   Movies.
 -- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
What's good enough for our ancestors is good enough for us.
%%
What's good for Ugoose is good for Uganda.
%%
What's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is good economics;
what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics is good politics.
(Or, more compactly, "What's good politics is bad economics and vice versa,
vice versa.)
 -- Eugene W. Baer
%%
What's grosser that gross? 1 baby in 10 garbage cans.
%%
What shall I do to be forever known,
And make the age to come my own?
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- The Motto
%%
What! shall this speech be spoke for our excuse? Or shall we on without
apology?
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
What shall we do to be saved? In politics, establish a constitutional
cooperative society or world government. In economics, find working
compromises between free enterprise and socialism.
 -- Arnold Toynbee
%%
...what's happening... we're huntin wabbits
Actually, muslim wabbits
 -- LAPD squad-car computer messages, as quoted in the Christopher Report, 7/91
%%
What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?
Chewing gum.
%%
"What's hard is simple,
 What's natural, comes hard.

 Maybe you could show me,
 How to let go,
     Lower my guard,
 Learn to be....free.

 Maybe if you whistle...
 Whistle for me."
 -- Stephen Sondheim, ANYONE CAN WHISTLE
%%
What 's Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba,
That he should weep for her?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
What's he like?
Well, according to Who's Who, his interests include flogging servants,
  shooting poor people, and the extension of slavery to anyone who
  hasn't got a knighthood.
 -- George and Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
What should you do if you pass an elephant?
Flush it down and hope it doesn't clog the pipes!
%%
What's in a Name?
%%
What 's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
%%
What's in this potion?  I'll just run my Spell Checker...
%%
What's Irish and stays out all night? Pati O'furniture.
%%
What's it called, Baldrick...'The Vomiting Cavalier'?
 -- Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
What Sixties revival? The Sixties never died!
%%
What's like a V-8 running on 4 cyl.- A 486dx-50, no HD...
%%
What's long, black and smelly?
The unemployment line.
%%
What's made Milwaukee famous has made a fool out of me.
%%
What's madness but nobility of soul
At odds with circumstance?
 -- Theodore Roethke, "In a Dark Time"
%%
What 's mine is yours, and what is yours is mine.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
What's moral for the GROUP is moral for the INDIVIDUAL.
%%
What's more miserable than discontent?
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
What's my node number? I seemed to be lost inside here!
%%
What 's not devoured by Time's devouring hand?
Where 's Troy, and where 's the Maypole in the Strand?
 -- James Bramston (-1744)
 -- Art of Politics
%%
What's not worth doing is not worth doing well.
 -- Don Hebb
%%
What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals.
%%
Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
 -- New Testament
 -- Galatians vi, 7
%%
Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever
things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are
lovely, whatsoever things are of good report: if there be any virtue,
and if there be any praise, think on these things.
 -- New Testament
 -- Philippians iv, 8
%%
Whatsoever thou takest in hand, remember the end, and thou shalt never
do amiss.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus vii, 36
%%
Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiastes ix, 10
%%
What's of no use to you,
yet you can't go without it?
 Your shadow
%%
What some people mistake for the high cost of living
     is really the cost of living high.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
What 's one man's poison, signor,
Is another's meat or drink.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Love's Cure, Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
What's one more cat?  Just another fluffy fuzz ball of fun!
%%
What song the Sirens sang, or what name Achilles assumed when he hid
himself among women.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Dedication to Urn-Burial, Chap. v
%%
'What's on T.V tonight son?'
'Same as usual, dad, the statue and the lamp.'
%%
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
 -- Fred Allen
%%
What soon grows old?  Gratitude.
 -- Aristotle
%%
What sort of man reads "Playboy?"
%%
What sought they thus afar?
  Bright jewels of the mine,
The wealth of seas, the spoils of war?
  They sought a faith's pure shrine.
 -- Felicia D. Hemas (1794-1835)
 -- Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers
%%
What speeds up, must slow down. But who says it's ever gonna speed up?
 -- Goebel's Law of Rush Hour Traffic
%%
What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that
the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful that the
garment with which it is clothed?
 -- Michaelangelo
%%
What's really gross? Eating the mint in the urinal.
%%
What's really gross? Eating the raisins off fly paper.
%%
What's really important in life?  Sitting on a beach?  Looking at
television eight hours a day?  I think we have to appreciate that
we're alive for only a limited period of time, and we'll spend most
of our lives working.  That being the case, I believe one of the most
important priorities is to do whatever we do as well as we can.  We
should take pride in that.
 -- Victor Kiam
%%
What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
 -- Robin Williams
%%
What's seven feet tall and runs around the Himalayas with a light saber?
A Yeti Knight
%%
What's so funny?
%%
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?
%%
What's so great that people are switching to Windows?
%%
What's so troublesome about not having died?
 -- Admiral Leonard McCoy
%%
What starts with F and ends with UCK?  FIRETRUCK!
%%
What's tennis without a racket?
%%
What's that aftershave you're wearing?  Garlic!
%%
What's that behind you, I called, and when Cthulhu looked, I tripped him.
%%
What's that on top of the telly? Looks like a penguin.
%%
 What's that watermelon doing there?
     Tell you later?
 -- ?
 -- Buckaroo Banzai
%%
What's the Bag Limit on tourists these days, anyway?
%%
What's the date?
     May the fourth.
Then May the fourth be with you.
 -- Count Duckula
%%
What's the definition of a good flame?  One you agree with...
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
What's the difference between a 4 year research grant and a 4 year
athletic scholarship?

The athletic scholarship comes with a grant of immunity.
%%
What's the difference between a bad archer and a constipated owl?
 One shoots but can't hit,the other hoots but can't shit.
%%
What's the difference between a bear and an ant?
About 2,000 pounds.
%%
What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used car salesman?
A used car salesman knows when he's lying.
%%
What's the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?
You can't make a vitamin...
%%
What's the difference between a JAP and an elephant?
 10 pounds.
How do you get them to be the same?
 Force feed the elephant.
%%
What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's Witness?
You can shut the door on a Jehovah's Witness.
%%
What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
%%
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
%%
What's the difference between a man and the weekend?
The weekend never comes too soon.
%%
What's the difference between a moose and Lawrence Welk's orchestra?
A moose has its horns in front and its asshole in the rear.
%%
What's the difference between a physicist and a bucket of crap?
The bucket.
%%
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
A pickpocket snatches watches.
%%
What's the difference between a politician and a hooker?
There are some things a hooker won't do for money.
%%
What's the difference between Arkansas women & a 747? About 10 lbs.
%%
What's the difference between a seagull and a puppy?
 One flits across the shore the other shits across the floor.
%%
What's the difference between a whore and a congressman? A congressman makes
more money.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
What's the difference between a woman on PMS and an Iranian terrorist?
 You can negotiate with the terrorist.
%%
What's the difference between COBOL and forcible sodomy.
Not much.
%%
What's the difference between genius & stupidity? Me, and You.
%%
What's the difference between God and a programmer?
God doesn't think he is a programmer.
%%
What's the difference between men and goverment bonds?
Bonds mature.
%%
What's the difference between New Age and Neo-Pagan?
About $500 a weekend
%%
What's the difference between 'ooh' and 'aah'? About 4 inches!
%%
What's the difference between President Reagan's cabinet and a kindergarten?
The kindergarten has adult supervision.
%%
What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?
Kids will eat snot.
%%
What's the difference between the 80's and the 50's?

In the 80's, a man walks into a drugstore and states loudly, "I'd like
some condoms," then whispers, "and some cigarettes."
%%
What's the difference between the United States and Eastern
European countries?  The United States still has a communist party.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
What's the difference between the window manager and the computer club
window manager?   Well, one's supported software and the other isn't.
Your guess is as good as mine.
 -- The UCC Crowd
%%
What's the easiest solution to Rubik's Cube?
Spray paint.
%%
What's the First Mate's name?
...Percy.
A nautical cove?
Yes...Well, he's a sort of...wet fish.
 -- Captain Rum and Edmund : Potato
%%
What's the good of being grown-up if you can't be childish?
%%
What's the last thing that goes
through a grasshopper's mind when he hits your windshield?
His ass.

What's the second-to-last thing to go
through a grasshopper's mind when he hits your windshield?
Oh, SHIT!!
%%
What's the main difference between what biologists call a "bug"
   and what computer programmers call a "bug"?
Biological bugs reproduce very easily.
%%
What's the matter? Can't you read? Now you'd best start over.
%%
What's the MATTER Sid?..  Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
What's the matter with the world? Why, there ain't but one thing
wrong with every one of us- and that's "selfishness."
 -- Will Rogers
%%
What's the metric unit of pain?
The Angstrom.
%%
What's the most popular form of birth control?
  The headache.
%%
What's the most popular order at the Zen hotdog stand?
Make me One With Everything!
%%
What's the opposite of a Hot Dog?
A Pup-Scicle.
%%
What's the point of being famous if you can't get a last
minute booking?...
 -- Vila
%%
What's the point of being fascinatingly crazy, if you
don't enrich the world with it?
%%
...what's the point of ... new technology if you can't find some way to
 pervert it?
 -- G. A. Effinger, Marid Changes His Mind, IASFM, 1/90
%%
What's the point of not eating? You're the only one who's suffering. Do
  I look like its bothering me? Okay, its bothering me.
 -- Finn, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
What's the point-spread on World War III?
 -- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
What's the point spread on WWIII?
 -- R. Reagan
%%
What's the problem with the Chinese water torture?

An hour later, it doesn't bother ya anymore.
%%
What's the rectal temperature of a three toed sloth?
%%
What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped?
%%
What's the thinnest book in the world?  What men know about women.
%%
What's the ugliest part of your body?
What's the ugliest part of your body?
Some say your nose,
Some say your toes,
But I think it's your mind.
 -- Frank Zappa (1965)
%%
What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
 -- The Doctor
%%
What's the use of computers? They'll never play chess, draw art or
make music.
 -- Jean Genet
%%
What's the world coming to?  A dead end...
%%
What's the world coming to when your monitor stares back.
%%
What's the worst kind of fare to live on?
[Warfare]
%%
What's this? A cat hair, can't leave home without them!
%%
What's this "beta" that all these people keep testing?
%%
What's this button do? Click! Poof!!# $ $%?
%%
What's this claim about things being "untouched by human hands"? What's
 wrong with human hands? Mention a better kind of hand.
 -- Henry Morgan
%%
What's this I hear about van pyres and wooden steaks?
%%
What's this loose cable doin #%*#-4@@%   NO CARRIER
%%
What's this pretty little red button do? BEEP!
%%
What's this RED button for?  WAIT!  Oh Shi....
%%
What's this Tag line thingy do??
%%
"What's this?  Your way of saying you're sorry?"
  "No... it's my way of trying not to."
 -- Good writing from CROSSFIRE
%%
What?  Still programming in basic?
%%
What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A canary with the super-user password.
%%
What's to become of us?
%%
What strange group is after Ross Perot _this_ week?
%%
What strange things one gets nostalgic about.
%%
What stronger breastplate than a heart untainted!
Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just,
And he but naked, though locked up in steel,
Whose conscience with injustice is corrupted.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VI
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
What's ugly *and* cute? Baby parrots!
%%
What's up, Doc? - Ensign Bugs to Crusher
%%
What's up in the ghetto, boy. Oh they just captured the suspect. A day
 without violence is like a day without sunshine. The sun shone last
 night.
 -- Christopher Commission report of LAPD car-to-car computer message, 7/91
%%
What's vanilla, vanilla & vanilla? Ice cream clones.
%%
What's Victoria's Secret?  She likes to dress like a slut
%%
What's white and has dirty knees?
A head nurse.
%%
What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook!
%%
What's worse then a politician is a child molester.
%%
What's wrong with a little harmless crime once in a while?
 -- M. Blaise
%%
What's wrong with a waiting period before you publish a
newspaper while the government checks the facts?
%%
What's wrong with Elvis?   He's DEAD!
%%
What's wrong with our safety net is that too many people are using it as a
 hammock.
 -- Rush Limbaugh on the subject of welfare.
%%
"What's wrong with the sketch?"
"Child molestation is a touchy subject."
"Read the papers, half the country is doing it!"
"Yes, but you name names."
"We don't name names ... okay, we say the pope.  We always say the pope."
 -- Woody Allen, "Hannah and her Sisters"
%%
What's wrong with this country, aside from light beer, is ....
%%
What's yellow and always points north?
A magnetic banana.
%%
What's Your Invention?: Pat Tent
%%
WHAT?  Take you to our leader?  PLEASE take him with you!
%%
Whatta maroon!
 -- Bugs Bunny
%%
What tax form does Clinton file? 1040-BS
%%
Whattaya mean I can't logon to an active Node?
%%
What the devil am I doing here?
Sounds like our Captain.
 -- Picard and Riker, "Lonely Among Us", stardate 41249.3
%%
What the devil did he want in that galley?
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- Les Forberies de Scapin, Act ii, Sc. 11
%%
What the discordant harmony of circumstances would and could effect.
 -- Horace (65-8 BC)
 -- Epistles, i, 12, 19
%%
What the eye beholds
And the heart covets,
Let the hand boldly seize!.
%%
"What the..."
 -- Famous Last Words of anyone stepping out in front of a truck
%%
What the gods get away with, the cows don't.
 -- The Aquinas Axiom
%%
What the gods would destroy, they first submit to an IEEE standards committee.
%%
WHATTHEHECKISCROSSNET? - FREQ CROSSNET.ZIP
%%
What the heck's a tree doing in a forest???
%%
What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't
 believe in God. I don't, she sobbed, bursting violently into tears,
 but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful
 God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be.
 -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
%%
What the hell are you trying to say?
 -- Any dog looking at its owner
%%
What the hell didn't happen here??!!
%%
What the hell do you want to work for somebody else for? Work for yourself!
 -- Irving Berlin
 (advice to young songwriter George Gershwin)
%%
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
%%
What the HELL is 10-Broad36?
%%
What the hell is "opposite sex"?
%%
"What the hell is that noise?"
 -- Famous Last Words - Mayor of Hiroshima
%%
What the hell is that thing?      It looks like a Winabego with wings!
%%
What the hell... it worked on Star Trek!
%%
What the hell--nobody said life was safe.
 -- William Reicher
%%
What the hell's going on up there, Jim?
 Sick Bay is in a state of chaos!
 -- Leonard ("Bones") McCoy
%%
What the hell was that thing?
"Automated fire system, a force field contains the flame until the
  remaining oxygen has been consumed."
Ah...What if I'd been under that thing?
"You would have been standing in the fire."
Yeah, well, leaving that aside for the moment, I mean what would have
  happened to me?
"You would have suffocated and died."
Yeah, Ah...Sweet mercy!
 -- Danilo O'Dell and Worf, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth
 Whether it existed before or not.
 -- John Keats "Woman When I Behold Thee"
%%
What the meaning of human life may be I don't know; I incline to suspect
that it has none.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
What then in the last resort are the truths of mankind? -- They are the
 _irrefutable_ errors of mankind.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
What then remains but that we still should cry
For being born, and, being born, to die?
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- The World
%%
What the orators want in depth, they give you in length.
 -- Montesquieu
%%
What the public wants is the image of passion, not passion itself.
 -- Roland Barthes, Esprit
%%
What the Puritans gave the world was not thought, but action.
 -- Wendell Phillips (1811-1884)
 -- Speech, Dec. 21, 1855
%%
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xix, 6
%%
What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying.
 -- Nikita S. Khrushchev (1894-1971)
%%
What? The second letter is an S? I thought it was "McDos".
%%
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility -
there are so few of us left.
%%
What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.
 -- Pearl Bailey
%%
What They Say:
   "So we've eliminated XXX."
What They Mean:
   "It's probably XXX, but it's bloody hard to get at."
 -- THE PESSIMIST'S GUIDE TO ENGINEER-TALK
%%
What They Say:
   "That's interesting."
What They Mean:
   "Shit!  I've never seen anything remotely like that before."
 -- THE PESSIMIST'S GUIDE TO ENGINEER-TALK
%%
What They Say:
   "We've noticed some failure evidence"
What They Mean:
   "Something's burning..."
 -- THE PESSIMIST'S GUIDE TO ENGINEER-TALK
%%
What things have we seen
Done at the Mermaid! heard words that have been
So nimble and so full of subtile flame
As if that every one from whence they came
Had meant to put his whole wit in a jest,
And resolved to live a fool the rest
Of his dull life.
 -- Francis Beaumont (1586-1616)
 -- Letter to Ben Jonson
%%
What think you, my lord, of...'love'?
...You mean rumpy-pumpy?
 -- Kate and Edmund : Bells
%%
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five cent bagel.
%%
What this country needs is a good 23 hour deodorant, which would allow you
 at least an hour a day to realize just what a stinker you really are!
%%
What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
%%
What this country needs is a good five cent cigar that sells for a nickel
 and smells more expensive. This is not what we got right now.
%%
What this country needs is a good five-cent microcomputer.
%%
What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
%%
What this country needs is a good no-scent cigar.
 -- William D. Tammeus
%%
What this country needs is a good vegetarian mosquito.
%%
What this country needs is a law that when children grow up and leave
home they have to take their dogs, cats, turtles, snakes and canaries
with them.
 -- Bill Vaughn
%%
What this country needs is a politician that gives trading stamps.
%%
What this country needs is a safety net for people
who jump to conclusions.
 -- B. M. Smith
%%
What this country needs is a song for unsung heros.
 -- Angie Papadakis
%%
What this country needs is a toller hog, for people to live higher off.
 -- Don Riley
%%
What this country needs is a transmission that will shift the blame.
 -- Louis Ginsberg
%%
What this country needs is more leaders who know what this country needs.
%%
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.
%%
What this country needs is radicals who will stay that way regardless
of the creeping years.
 -- John Fischer
%%
What this country really needs badly is a handful of politicians that are
 filled with cold or at least cool air.
%%
What this country really needs is to get out the voters the way it
gets out the candidates.
%%
What this department needs is a really good inflatable doll.
%%
What this project needs is more whimsy.
%%
What this world needs is a damn good plague.
%%
... What thou bid'st
Unargued I obey; so God ordains:
God is thy law; thou mine: to know no more
Is Woman's happiest knowledge, and her Praise.
 -- Milton
%%
What thought can think, another thought can mend.
 -- Robert Southwell (1561-1595)
%%
What though the field be lost?
All is not lost; th' unconquerable will,
And study of revenge, immortal hate,
And courage never to submit or yield.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 105
%%
What though youth gave love and roses,
Age still leaves us friends and wine.
 -- Thomas Moore
%%
What thou lovest well remains, the rest is dross
What thou lov'st well shall not be reft from thee
What thou lov'st well is thy true heritage
Whose world, or mine or theirs or is it of none?
First came the seen, then thus the palpable
  Elysium, though it were in the halls of Hell,
What thou lovest well is thy true heritage.
 -- Ezra Pound, Pisan Cantos, LXXXI
%%
What thou wouldst highly,
That wouldst thou holily; wouldst not play false,
And yet wouldst wrongly win.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
What three words will a JAP never hear?
"Attention, K-Mart Shoppers"
%%
What time is it?
I don't know, it keeps changing.
%%
What time is it?  You mean right NOW?
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a
giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you
are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been
good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely,
consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
What to do in case of an alien attack:
1) Hide beneath the seat of your plane and look away.
2) Avoid eye contact.
3) If there are no eyes, avoid all contact.
 -- The Firesign Theatre, Everything you know is Wrong
%%
What to do in case of emergency:
1. Pick up your hat.
2. Grab your coat.
3. Leave your worries at the doorstep.
4. Direct your feet to the sunny side of the street.
%%
What to do!?!  My SUN won't rise!
%%
What to say to annoy a performance artist:  "Hey, I saw something just
 like that on The Gong Show!"
 -- Matt Groening
%%
What UNIVERSE is this, please??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
What upsets me is not that you lied to me,
but that from now on I can no longer believe you.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
What urge will save us now that sex won't
 -- Jenny Holzer, word artist
%%
What, us? .BATs?   V^^^\_o^o_/^^^V
%%
What used to be called a prejudice is now called a null hypothesis.
 -- A.W.F. Edwards, Nature, 9th March 1971
%%
What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?
 -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
%%
What version am I on? Oh... 1.51 d-beta 2, revision 3g
%%
What was in Pooh's honey to make him so docile & sleepy?
%%
        What was I to do, take away your only hope?   I took the liberty of
                bullshitting you.
         You lied to me.
          I didn't lie.   I just bullshitted.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
What? Was man made a wheel-work to wind up,
And be discharged, and straight wound up anew?
No! grown, his growth lasts; taught, he ne'er forgets:
May learn a thousand things, not twice the same.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- A Death in the Desert
%%
What was most significant about the lunar voyage was not that men set
foot on the moon but that they set eye on the earth.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
What was my original face before I was born?
%%
What was the greatest thing BEFORE sliced bread?
%%
"What was the name of the dog on the `Brady Bunch'?"
  "...Florence Henderson?"
 -- Unknown
%%
What we anticipate seldom occurs;
what we least expect generally happens.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
What we are reluctant to touch often seems the very fabric of our
 salvation.
 -- Jack Gladney, from White Noise
%%
What we are selling are hopes and dreams, not frozen peas
%%
What we call "morals" is simply blind obedience to words of command.
 -- Havelock Ellis (1859-1939), "The Dance of Life", 1923
%%
What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another
 nuisance.
 -- Henry Havelock Ellis
%%
       What we call reality is an agreement that people have arrived
         at to make life more livable.
 -- Louise Nevelson
%%
What we cry, what we contend for, in our world of toil and blood, it
all lies beneath the notice of the hacker we call God.
 -- Thomas Pynchon, "Vineland", 1990
%%
What we demand is a total ABSENCE of solid facts!
 -- Vroomfondel
%%
What we desire our children to become, we must endeavour to be before them.
 -- Andrew Combe
%%
What we do for ourselves dies with us.  What we do for others and
the world remains and is immortal.
 -- Albert Pine
%%
What we do is as American as lynch mobs. America has always been a
complex place.
 -- Jerry Garcia (1942-1995), Musician, the Greatful Dead
 -- Rolling Stone magazine, (November 30, 1989).
%%
What we do not understand we do not possess.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
What we don't need is more Democrats in Congress.
 -- Barry Goldwater
%%
What we DON'T need is more laws!
%%
What we do with our leisure time is almost essential to our success as
what we do during our working hours.
%%
What we frankly give, forever is our own.
 -- George Granville
%%
What we have here... Is a failure to accumulate....
 -- Ernest P.W.
%%
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
 -- Strother Martin
%%
What we have here, is a NEED to communicate!
%%
What we have to learn to do we learn by doing.
 -- Aristotle, Ethica nicomachea II (c. 325 B.C.)
%%
What we hope ever to do with ease, we must learn first to do with
diligence.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos.
 -- Kerry Thornley, Principia Discordia, 5th edition
%%
What we know is not as important as who we are.
%%
What we love we shall grow to resemble.
 -- Bernard of Clairvaux
%%
What we must decide is how we are valuable rather than how valuable we are.
 -- Edgar Z. Friedenberg
%%
What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which
nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday
Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-
launch-style hold for two to three hours, during which it just
remains 7 a.m.    This way we could all wake up via a civilized gradual
process of stretching and belching and scratching, and it would still
be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually emerge from bed.
 -- Dave Barry, $#$%#^%!^%&@%@!
%%
What we need is a good strategic thinker, and we don't have one.
 -- A White House official, 1989
%%
What we need is a Pizza Door and a Beer Door.
%%
What we need is Scratch N Sniff taglines!
%%
What went wrong? . . . Blake
I relied on other people....
 -- Avon
%%
What were Liberace's last words?
I'm sorry to leave my friends behind.
%%
What we respect we always do, but what we do not respect we ignore.
%%
What were Tarzan's last words?
Who greased the vine?
%%
What were vices are now fashion.
%%
What were your impressions of Dr. Graves?
He seemed brilliant. Egocentric, arrogant, chauvinistic.
 -- Picard and Lt. Selar, "The Schizoid Man", stardate 42437.5
%%
What were you this time, Odo? The modem? The computer? The TAGLINE!
%%
What we see depends on mainly what we look for.
 -- John Lubbock
%%
What we send into the lives of others usually manages to find its way into
 our own.
%%
What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.
 -- Sam Levenson
 -- You Don't Have to Be in `Who's Who' to Know What's What
%%
What we've got here is failure to communicate... Some men you just
 can't reach. So you get what we got here last week.. Which is the
 the way he wants... Well, he gets.
 -- Cool Hand Luke
%%
What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not
knowledge in pursuit of the child.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
What we wish, that we readily believe.
 -- Demosthenes
%%
What will be, will be.
%%
What will get you promoted on one level will get you killed on another.
 -- Fox on Levelology
%%
What will Mrs. Grundy say?
 -- Thomas Morton (1764-1838)
 -- Speed the Plough, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
What, will the line stretch out to the crack of doom?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
What will the next pope's name be?
 -- George Ringo
%%
"What will we do when they come?"
  "See if we can sell Mom and Dad into slavery for a star cruiser."
 -- CALVIN AND HOBBES
%%
What will you do if all your problems aren't solved by the time you die?
%%
What wise words from the world's greatest defence council?...(reads)
  ...'Dear Mother'...unusual start...
 -- Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
What with all the divorces and remarriages, the family tree has turned into
 a veritable thicket.
%%
What with the Los Angeles earthquake, massive forest fires, beach erosion,
 freeway shootings, and ozone-layer depletion that's giving every Malibu
 volleyball player whole-body melanoma, it looks like God has finally gotten
 serious about destroying California. Sources close to the Lord say the
 so-called yuppie shows of the new TV season were the last straw.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
What World Are You On? I'd Like To Visit Sometime.
%%
What worth has beauty if it be not seen?
 -- Proverb
%%
What would a Chtorran get if it ate a Revelationist?
An American flag pin.
%%
What would a Chtorran get if it ate Congress?
The President's personal thanks.
%%
What would a Chtorran get if it ate the President?
Heartburn.
%%
What would a Chtorran get if it ate the Vice-President?
Our deepest sympathies.
%%
What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?
%%
What would happen if everybody became a non-conformist?
%%
What would happen if the President, the Supreme Court, and all members of
 both houses of Congress were stoned out of their gourds twenty-four hours a
 day? The chilling truth is, it might be an improvement.
 -- Allan Sherman
%%
What would happen if you built a communist government in the middle of the
 Sahara desert? For a time very little would happen, but at the end of say
 three years, there would be an acute shortage of sand.
%%
What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?
 -- Vincent van Gogh, Dutch painter
%%
What would McGyver do now?
%%
What! wouldst thou have a serpent sting thee twice?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
What would this country be without this great land of ours?
 -- Ronald W. Reagan, philosopher
%%
What would we do without erogenous zones?
%%
What would you call a horny Eskimo dwarf?
A frigid midget with a rigid digit.
%%
What would *you* call the creation of the universe?
The Horrendous Space Klablooie!
 -- Watterson
%%
What would you charge to haunt a house?
 -- Fred Allen
%%
"What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil?"
"I'd cut down every law in England to do that."
"Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned round on
you - where would you hide...the laws all being flat?"
 -- Robert Bolt, "A Man for All Seasons"
%%
What would you get if you crossed Dan Quayle with Richard Nixon? You would
 get a public official who does not know if he is a crook or not.
%%
What would you say, my lord, if I were to say...'I love you'?
Umm...(strangled)..Well, it depends entirely on who you said it to.
  If you said it to a horse, I'd presume you were sick...if you said it
  to Baldrick, I'd presume you were blind...
 -- Kate and Edmund : Bells
%%
What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich.
%%
What you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.
%%
What, you call this a computer?  I suppose you only use this dinosaur
because your new Amiga 5000T/060 hasn't arrived yet.
%%
What you can not avoid, Welcome.
%%
What you can not enforce, do not command.
%%
    "What?" you cry. "Wizards sometimes must endure torture?" And it is
true, for being a wizard does not exempt you from any of the trials and
tribulations experienced by other humans.
    But I would ask you to consider just what you mean by "torture." What of
those occasions when you save a kingdom and then are forced to sit there and
listen for hours to endless numbers of boring elected officials extolling
your praises while the kingdom's tax collectors repossess nine-tenths of
what you gainfully earned at your task? Is this not torture? What about the
times when you are on the verge of creating a spell that will give you inner
peace at last and your spouse bursts into your study and tells you to clean
up the mess because all of your in-laws are coming to stay for three weeks,
and we will have to set up a bed in here because Aunt Sadie needs a place to
sleep? Is this not torture? And say you are attending a wizard's convention
and are sure that your gold production spell will win first prize in the
competition, and then they give the award to the animal husbandry spell of
some part-time wizard because the judge has a particular fondness for pigs?
Is this not -- but why belabor the obvious? By now you surely see my point.
Laugh in the face of torture! It is, after all, no worse than what they do
to you every other day of the week.
 -- Ask Ebenezum: The Greatest Wizard in the Western Kingdoms
 -- Answers the Four Hundred Most Asked Questions about Wizardry, 4th edition
%%
What you do not use yourself, do not give to others. For example: advice.
 -- Sri Chinmoy
%%
What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.
 -- Confucius
%%
What you don't do is always more important than what you do.
%%
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
%%
What you don't know can't hurt you.
%%
What you don't know won't help you much either.
 -- D. Bennett
%%
What?  You don't trust me?  Why, only last week I patched a running
VMS system and it survived for over thirty seconds.  Oh, well.
%%
What you give is what you get!
%%
What you guys want, I'm for.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle to farmers on a
                   local pork issue (8/25/88)
                   (from the Book "The Clothes have No Emperor")
%%
What? You haven't Talked with sage Before..shame on you ;)
%%
What you leave at your death, let it be without controversy, else
the lawyers will be your heirs.
 -- Osborne
%%
What you look like does not matter - beauty is internal.
%%
What you need is love potion #9.
%%
What you observe is real; nothing else exists.
%%
What you own is your own kingdom,
What you do is your own glory,
What you love is your own power,
What you live is your own story.

In your head is the answer,
Let it guide you along.
Let your heart be the anchor
and the beat of your song.
 -- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
What you see can depend on what you look for.
%%
What you see is from outside yourself, and may come, or not, but is beyond
your control.  But your fear is yours, and yours alone, like your voice, or
your fingers, or your memory, and therefore yours to control.  If you feel
powerless over your fear, you have not yet admitted that it is yours, to do
with as you will.
 -- Marion Zimmer Bradley, "Stormqueen"
%%
What you see is rarely what you get.
%%
What you see is what you get, so keep your eyes open.
%%
What you see is what you read.
%%
What youth deemed crystal, age finds was dew.
%%
What you think means more than anything else in your life. More than
what you earn, more than where you live, more than your social position,
and more than what anyone else may think about you.
 -- George Adams
%%
What you think of yourself is more important than what others think of you.
 -- Seneca
%%
What!  You've been assigned to SECURITY?  On the ENTERPRISE?  Boy, I
 sure hope your insurance is paid up, pal!
 -- overheard in a corridor, Star Base 5
%%
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do especially in
other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right
there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No
yesterdays on the road.
 -- William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways
%%
What you want to do is not go to work. You're not missing a thing. The
 worst thing I did was start work young.
 -- Jimmy Breslin
%%
What you will be you are becoming today.
%%
What you would seem to be, be really.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
What zero mathematician made 1 A.D. come after 1 B.C.?
%%
Wheaties and Beer: The Breakfast Of Washed Up Champions!
%%
WHEAT, n.  A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some
difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread.  The French are
said to eat more bread _per capita_ of population than any other
people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff
palatable.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:wheel bit: n. A privilege bit that allows the possessor to perform
   some restricted operation on a timesharing system, such as read or
   write any file on the system regardless of protections, change or
   look at any address in the running monitor, crash or reload the
   system, and kill or create jobs and user accounts.  The term was
   invented on the TENEX operating system, and carried over to
   TOPS-20, XEROX-IFS, and others.  The state of being in a privileged
   logon is sometimes called `wheel mode'.  This term entered the
   UNIX culture from TWENEX in the mid-1980s and has been gaining
   popularity there (esp. at university sites).  See also {root}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:wheel: [from slang `big wheel' for a powerful person] n. A
   person who has an active {wheel bit}.  "We need to find a
   wheel to unwedge the hung tape drives."  (See {wedged}, sense
   1.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wheel of Entrails: "Pat, I'd like to buy a bowel..."
%%
"Wheels" Pierre
 -- Road Kill Cafe - MEET OUR CHEF
%%
:wheel wars: [Stanford University] A period in {larval stage}
   during which student hackers hassle each other by attempting to log
   each other out of the system, delete each other's files, and
   otherwise wreak havoc, usually at the expense of the lesser users.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wheemsco Tuna, with the great Dolphin flavor you grew up with.
%%
When 911 won't work .357 will!
%%
When a banker jumps out of a window, jump after him --
 that's where the money is.
 -- Robespierre
%%
When a bell rings, an angel has gotten his wings.
%%
When a blind man carries a lame man, both go forward.
 -- Swedish proverb
%%
When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
 -- Bell's Theorem
%%
When a body meets a body, it helps if both of them have read through one or
 more times the pamphlet sent to them by Everett Koop.
%%
 When a broken appliance is demonstrated to the repair man,
 it will work perfectly.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 29
%%
When a building is about to fall down, all the mice desert it.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book viii, Sect. 103
%%
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet.  When toast is dropped, it
 always lands butter-side-down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the back
 of a cat [butter facing up].  The two will hover, spinning, inches above the
 ground.  With a giant buttered-toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail could
 easily link New York with Chicago.
 -- Omni
%%
When a child is taught ... it's programmed with simple instructions --
  and at some point, if its mind develops properly, it exceeds the sum
  of what it was taught, thinks independently.
 -- Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer," stardate 4731.3.
%%
When a compiler accepts a program without error on the
 first run, the program will not yield the desired output.
%%
When a computer is most needed it will break down.
 -- Murphy's Tenth Law of Programming
%%
When a couple decides to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents
 before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only
 courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with
 comments, criticism, and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce
 along.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
When a cow laughs REAL hard does milk come out its nose?
%%
When action becomes unprofitable, gather information:
when further information has no value, sleep.
%%
When a customer buys a low-grade article, he feels pleased when he pays for it
and displeased every time he uses it. But when he buys a well-made article, he
feels extravagant when he pays for it and well pleased every time he uses it.
 -- Herbert N. Casson
%%
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is
possible, he is almost certainly right.  When he states that something
is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke (1917-), Profiles of the Future (1962; rev. 1973)
 -- "Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination"
 -- Clarke's First Law
%%
When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring
doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the
doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?
%%
When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at
strangers, it is patriotism!
 -- David Starr Jordan (1851-1931)
%%
When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog
that is news.
 -- Charles Anderson Dana (1819-1897)
%%
When a dog runs at you, whistle for him.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
When a fellow can't read, he's got to think.
%%
When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the
thing," it's the money.
 -- Frank McKinney Hubbard (1868-1930)
%%
When a female has tears in her eyes the one who cannot see is the male.
%%
When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half
loop?
%%
When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is
anything you can do.  Think up something appropriate and do it.
 -- E.W. Howe
%%
When a giraffe's baby is born it falls from a height of six feet,
normally without being hurt.
%%
When a girl can read the handwriting
on the wall, she may be in the wrong rest room.
%%
When a girl ceases to blush,
she has lost the most powerful charm of her beauty.
 -- Gregory I
%%
When a girl goes bad, men go right after her.
%%
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men
 for the attention of one.
%%
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions
of many men for the inattentions of one.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
When a group of newsmen go out to dinner together, the bill is to be
evenly divided among them, regardless of what each one eats and drinks.
 -- Jack Germond
%%
When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets
another one.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
When aiming for the common denominator,
 be prepared for the occasional division by zero.
%%
When a lady says no, she means perhaps.
 When she says perhaps, she means yes.
 But when she says yes, she is no lady.
%%
When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule
what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard
to get back on your feet.
%%
When Alexander asked Diogenes whether he wanted anything, "Yes," said
he, "I would have you stand from between me and the sun."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Alexander
%%
When Al Gore opens his mouth, the barometric pressure drops.
%%
When a liar gets pharyngitis, he loses his vice.
 -- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
When a lion meets another with a louder roar,
the first lion thinks the last a bore.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
When all are one and one is all ...
%%
When all candles bee out, all cats be gray.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. v
%%
When all else fails, blame it on Dan.
%%
When all else fails, blame it on the guy next to you!
%%
When all else fails, blame the computer!
%%
When all else fails, BLAME THE MODERATOR !!!!
%%
When all else fails, blame the Sysop!
%%
When all else fails, burn the instructions.
%%
When all else fails, call Forsberg at home!
 -- Marv Conn
%%
When all else fails, EAT!!!
%%
When all else fails, follow instructions.
 -- Allen's Axiom
%%
When all else fails, get someone to do it.
%%
When all else fails, give up and grab a beer.
%%
When all else fails, I refuse to read the instructions..
%%
When all else fails, just press...[CTRL][ALT][DEL]!
%%
When all else fails, let a = 7.  If that doesn't help, then read the manual.
%%
When all else fails, let x = 1. :)
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
When all else fails, lower your standards.
%%
When all else fails, PANIC!
%%
When all else fails, put another megavolt through it.
%%
When all else fails, quit in a huff.
%%
When all else fails, read the directions!
%%
When all else fails, read the documentation.
%%
When all else fails, read the instructions!
 -- Cahn's Axiom
%%
When all else fails, read the manual.
%%
When all else fails, rewrite the documentation.
%%
When all else fails, RTFM.
%%
When all else fails, shoot the tech writer.
%%
When all else fails, spend money!
%%
When all else fails, stay in character
%%
When all else fails, take a nap!
%%
When all else fails, throw up.
%%
When all else fails, try the boss's suggestion.
 -- Strano's Law
%%
When all else fails, unZIP the .DOC files.
%%
When all else fails, use a hammer.
 -- Charade's Axiom
%%
When all else fails, use the defaults!
%%
When all else fails, you can count on Sam.
%%
When all else is lost, the future still remains.
%%
...when all government... in little as in great things, shall be
drawn to Washington as the centre of all power, it will render
powerless the checks provided of one government on another and will
become as venal and oppressive as the government from which we
separated.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, 1821
%%
When all is done, human life is, at the greatest and the best, but
like a froward child, that must be played with and humoured a little
to keep it quiet till it falls asleep, and then the care is over.
 -- Sir William Temple (1628-1699)
 -- Miscellanea, Part ii, Of Poetry
%%
When all is said and done, then shut up.
%%
When all of genius which can perish dies.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Monody on the Death of Sheridan, Line 22
%%
When all other means of communication fail, try words.
%%
When all the people are gone, who will take care of the machines?
%%
When all the world dissolves,
And every creature shall be purified,
All places shall be hell that are not heaven.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- Faustus
%%
When all your weapons fail, bite them!
%%
When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease,
that means it can't be cured.
 -- Chekhov, "The Cherry Orchard"
%%
When a man and a women argue, it is often the stupidest of the two who
 thinks He has won.
%%
When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public
property.
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- Life of Jefferson (Rayner), p. 356
%%
When a man begins by saying you are too wise to be caught for a sucker,
look out! He is going to try a new kind of bait.
%%
When a man blames others for his failures, it's a good idea to credit
others with his successes.
 -- Howard W. Newton
%%
When a man boasts of his
 honesty, grab and hold your wallet.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason--there's a reason.
 -- Molly McGee (Marion Jordan)
%%
When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants,
 and I give it to him.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
When a man feels guilty about something -- something too terrible to
   remember -- he blots it out of his conscious memory.
 -- McCoy, "Wolf in the Fold," stardate 3614.9.
%%
When a man finds not repose in himself it is in vain for him to seek
it elsewhere.
%%
  When a man gets a place in the sun, others are put in denser shade.
 -- Walden Two
%%
When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up,
people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.
%%
When a man has not a good reason for doing a thing, he has one good
reason for letting it alone.
 -- Sir Walter Scott
%%
When a man has pity on all living creatures then only is he noble.
 -- Buddha
%%
When a man has to make a speech, the first thing he has to decide is what
 to say.
 -- Gerald Ford
%%
When a man is between the devil and the deep blue sea, his fear of
drowning generally triumphs.
%%
When a man is out of sight, it is not too long before he is out of mind.
 -- Thomas a Kempis
%%
When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
When a man is wrong and won't admit it, he always gets angry.
 -- Haliburton
%%
When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight,
 it concentrates his mind wonderfully.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
When a man laughs at his misfortunes, he loses a great
 many friends. They never forgive the loss of their perogative.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
When a man lies he murders part of the world.
%%
When a man makes a woman his wife, it's the highest compliment he can
pay her, and it's usually the last.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
When a man marries a women to educate her, and the women marries the man to
 reform him, it is not marriage; it is a sign that two idiots have met.
%%
When a man meets his destined ruler,
They can be together ten days,
And it is not a mistake.
Going meets with recognition.
%%
When a man pulled two guns on convenience store clerk Wazir Jiwi and
demanded money, Jiwi asked how much he wanted for one of the guns. He
said $100, which Jiwi paid him. Then Jiwi offered to buy the second
gun. The robber handed it over, grabbed the cash and headed for the
exit. But Jiwi had pushed a button under the counter that
automatically locked the door. "He turned to me and asked what was
going on," Jiwi says. "I told him to bring the money back and I would
let him go. He brought the money back, and I opened the door."
%%
When a man reproached him for going into unclean places, he said,
"The sun too penetrates into privies, but is not polluted by them."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
When a man says, "Get out of my house! what would you have with my
wife?" there is no answer to be made.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xliii
%%
When a man says, "Get thee behind me, Satan," he's probably ashamed
to have even the devil see what he's up to.
%%
When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean
conversation.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably
something his wife can beat him at.
 -- Epperson's law
%%
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When a man's knowledge is deep, he speaks well of an enemy.
Instead of seeking revenge, he extends unexpected generosity.  He
turns insult into humor, ... and astonishes his adversary who finds no
reason not to trust him.
 -- Baltasar Gracian
%%
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
 keep her.
 -- Sacha Guitry
%%
When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
 -- Murphy's lasw on sex
%%
When a man's willing and eager, the gods join in.
 -- Aeschylus
%%
When a man tells me he's going to put all his cards on the table, I always
 look up his sleeve.
 -- Lord Leslie Hore-Belisha
%%
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him:
  'Whose?'
 -- Don Marquis
%%
When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger
wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
When among apes, one must play the ape.
%%
When an action has its intended effect, it also has other, unintended, effects.
%%
When an Agnostic dies, does he go to the Great Perhaps?
%%
When an eel bites your leg, and the pain makes you beg, that's a moray!
%%
 When an error has been detected and corrected, it will
 be found to have been correct in the first place.
 -- Scott's second Law
 After the correction has been found in error, it will be
 impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.
 -- Corollary
%%
When a New Yorker looks as if he's suntan, it's probably.
%%
When anger rises, think of the consequences.
 -- Confucius
%%
When angry, count a hundred; when very angry, swear.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
%%
When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
 -- Thomas Jefferson, Writings
%%
When angry, count to ten,
When very angry, count to 750,000 by 37's.
%%
When an idea is being pushed because it is "exciting," "new," or "innovative",
beware. An exciting, new, innovative idea can also be foolish.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
(If in doubt, don't. Or do what is right. Your best question is often, "Why?")
%%
When an idea is wanting a word can always be found to take its place.
 -- J.W. von Goethe
%%
When an old man marries a young wife, he grows younger - but she grows older.
%%
When an old person dies, a library burns down...
%%
When an opponent come forward, move in and greet him;
if he wants to pull back, send him on his way.
 -- Morihei Ueshiba
%%
 When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will
 do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
 -- Johnson's First Law
%%
When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening,
circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly,
empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied,
inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically
guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience,
expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal
comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the above,
be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and
adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally,
immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes
advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
 -- Rhode's Law
%%
When a one world government goes corrupt......... where do you run?
%%
When a pencil point breaks, the nearest sharpener is exactly 1000 feet away.
%%
When a person attempts a task, he or she will be thwarted in
that task by the unconscious intervention of some other
presence (animate or inanimate).  Nevertheless, some tasks
are completed, since the intervening presence is itself at-
tempting a task and is, of course, subject to interference.
 -- Sodd's First Law
%%
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being
able to deceive other people.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
When a person does not have a reason for doing something, that person has
 one very good reason for leaving something undone.
%%
When a person goes on a diet, the first thing he loses is his temper.
%%
When a person puts his best foot forward and gets it stepped on--that's life.
%%
When a person says that in the interest of saving time, he will summarize
a prepared statement, he will talk only three times as long as if
he had read the statement in the first place.
 -- Alan Otten
%%
When a person stands on his dignity, it's probably because he has
very insecure footing.
%%
When a piece gets difficult, makes faces.
 -- Arthur Schnabel (to Vladimir Horowitz)
%%
When a piercer drops in on you, you will be tempted to hit the ceiling!
%%
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not
far away.  It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel
is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
%%
When a poor man eats a chicken -- one of them is sick.
%%
When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do
not.
 -- Fox on Problematics
%%
When a program is working perfectly the programmer will not know
what the heck is going on.
 -- Murphy's Sixth Law of Programming
%%
When a rechargeable battery starts to die in the middle of a complex
calculation, and the user attempts to connect house current,
the calculator will clear itself.
 -- John L. Shelton
%%
When are they going to make Non-alcoholic ZIMA?
%%
When are you buttheads gonna learn that you can't oppose
 Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?
 -- Reuben Flagg
%%
When are you going to grow up?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
When arguing with a fool, be sure he isn't doing the same thing.
%%
When arguments fail, use a blackjack.
 -- Ed "Spike" O'Donnell
%%
When a room shakes, Californians instinctively look up.
%%
When Arthur first in court began,
  And was approved king.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- Sir Launcelot du Lake
%%
When articles rise the consumer is the first that suffers, and when
they fall he is the last that gains.
 -- Colton
%%
When art is understood by everybody, it will cease to be art.
%%
When a Russian citizen was interviewed, following the death of
Chernenko, he began by saying, "As one of your writers said, `There
are three kinds of lie: a small lie, a big lie and politics."'
 -- Time, March 23, 1985, p. 21.
%%
When a sage is angry, he is no longer a sage.
%%
When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see
 the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain
 relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
 -- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
%%
When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America
 before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
 -- Vine Deloria, Jr.
%%
When asked for his own [favourite poem], Dylan [Thomas] slowly said,
"This is the best poem in the English language," and then repeated
gravely and with feeling these lines:

I am
Thou art
He, she, it is
We are
You are
They are.
 -- Richard Burton (1577-1640),
 -- quoted in Andrew Sinclair's "No Man More Magical"
%%
When asked if he had missed school lately, the boy said `Not a bit.`
%%
When asked, "If you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United
States, then why do you live here?" Mencken replied, "Why do men go to zoos?"
%%
When asked what he would take to let a man give him a blow on the
head, he said, "A helmet."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A
contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get
nothing.  If I do win it, you get nothing."
%%
When asked what learning was the most necessary, he said, "Not to
unlearn what you have learned."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Antisthenes, iv
%%
When asked what wine he liked to drink, he replied, "That which belongs
to another."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Diogenes, vi
%%
When asked why he parted with his wife, Caesar replied, "I wished
my wife to be not so much as suspected."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Caesar
%%
When a student actually does a homework problem, the instructor will
not ask for it.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares
that it is his duty.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Caesar and Cleopatra", Act III
%%
When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.
%%
When a thing has been said, and said well, have no scruple.  Take
it and copy it.
 -- Anatole France
%%
When a thing is done, it's done. Don't look back.
Look forward to your next objective.
 -- George Marshall, U.S. Army general
%%
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
When at home, do as the Homans do.
%%
When a thought is too weak to be expressed simply, simply drop it.
 -- Luc de Clapiers Vauvenargues
%%
When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign,
that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
 -- Jonathan Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects
%%
When attempting to predict and forecast macro-economic moves of economic
legislation by a politician, never be misled by what he says; instead --
watch what he does.
%%
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an
important lesson to be learned.  Do not have sex with the authorities.
 -- Matt Groening, 'Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk'
%%
When a woman behaves like a man why doesn't she behave like
a nice man.
 -- Dame Edith Evans
%%
When a woman cease to attract men, she turns to radical feminism.
%%
When a woman gives me a present I have always two surprises:
first is the present, and afterward, having to pay for it.
 -- Donnay
%%
When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband.
When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
When a woman says "No!" she really means "Yes!" -- except, of course, when she
means "NO!"
%%
When a workstation hangs there's a reason... When a Mac crashes
it's just Mac OS..
 -- Forest Godfrey
%%
When a writer has done the best that he can do, he should then withdraw from
the book-writing business and take up an honest trade like shoe repair, cattle
stealing, or screwworm management.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When baby cry, give bust in face.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall
one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontent, Vol. i, p. 526
%%
When Barbary Pirates demand a fee for allowing you to do business, it's
 called 'tribute money'.   When the Mafia demands a fee for allowing you to do
 business, it's called 'the protection racket'.  When the State demands a fee
 for allowing you to do business, it's called 'sales tax'.
 -- Jeff Daiell
%%
When beauty fires the blood, how love exalts the mind!
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Cymon and Iphigenia, Line 41
%%
When beer goes flat, you can toss it out.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
When beer goes flat, you can toss it out.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
When Beer is Outlawed only Outlaws will brew Beer.
%%
When Beethoven went deaf, the mynah bird just used to mime.
 -- Graham Chapman
%%
When beggars die, there are no comets seen;
The heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
When better business decisions are made, economists won't make them.
 -- H. V. Prochnow
%%
When better women are made, computer programmers will make them.
%%
When bicycles are outlawed only outlaws will bicycle.
%%
When Bill Clinton opens his mouth, the barometric pressure drops.
%%
When Bishop Berkeley said "there was no matter,"
  And proved it,--'t was no matter what he said.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto xi, Stanza 1
%%
When Boy Scouts do it, it's intense.
%%
When Britain first, at Heaven's command,
  Arose from out the azure main,
This was the charter of her land,
  And guardian angels sung the strain:
Rule, Britannia! Britannia rules the waves!
Britons never shall be slaves.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- Alfred, Act ii, Sc. 5
%%
When brute force is on the march, compromise is the red carpet.
When reason is attacked, common sense is not enough.
 -- Ayn Rand
%%
When Bubba talks, see if Hitlery's lips move.
%%
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things
to be bought and sold are legislators.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
When buying clothes,
I wear an extra medium.
%%
When can I give DOS the boot?
%%
When can their glory fade? Oh! the wild charge they made! All the world
wondered. Honour the charge they made! Honour the Light Brigade, Noble six
hundred!
 -- Tennyson
%%
When caught lying, go into hysterics.
 -- Liberal Rule # 2
%%
When caught lying, throw a hissy fit.
 -- Liberal Rule #20
%%
Whence and what art thou, execrable shape?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 681
%%
Whence is thy learning? Hath thy toil
O'er books consum'd the midnight oil?
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Shepherd and the Philosopher
%%
Whence we see spiders, flies, or ants entombed and preserved forever
in amber, a more than royal tomb.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Historia Vitae et Mortis; Sylva Sylvarum, Cent, i, Exper, 100
%%
When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults.
%%
When chill November's surly blast
  Made fields and forests bare.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Man was made to Mourn
%%
When choking on a beer nut...apply the Heiniken maneuver.
%%
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never
tried before.
 -- Mae West, in "Klondike Annie" 1936
%%
When cigarettes are outlawed, only outlaws will cough.
%%
When Clinton promised change, voters wrongly assumed for the better.
%%
When Clinton's done with it, even the MEEK won't want it!
%%
When comes the revolution, things will be different --
not better, just different.
 -- Novinson's Revolutionary Discovery
%%
When complimented, respond in kind.
When insulted, ignore it.
When in doubt, mumble.
%%
When concrete shakes beneath thee, one has found a true sub-woofer.
%%
 When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
 easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger
 have handled this?"
 -- Brady's First Law of Problem Solving
%%
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
 -- Tom Lehrer
%%
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
%%
When Cthulhu calls....don't answer the phone!
%%
When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect.
%%
When cutting down trees, remember to pause now and then to sharpen your axe.
%%
When daisies pied and violets blue,
  And lady-smocks all silver-white,
And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue
  Do paint the meadows with delight,
The cuckoo then, on every tree,
Mocks married men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act v, Sc. 2
%%
 When dangling, watch your participles.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
When Darius offered him ten thousand talents, and to divide Asia equally
with him, "I would accept it," said Parmenio, "were I Alexander."
"And so truly would I," said Alexander, "if I were Parmenio." But
he answered Darius that the earth could not bear two suns, nor Asia
two kings.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Alexander
%%
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
 -- Hermann Hesse
%%
When Demaratus was asked whether he held his tongue because he was
a fool or for want of words, he replied, "A fool cannot hold his tongue."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Demaratus
%%
When democracy granted democratic methods to us in times of opposition, this
was bound to happen in a democratic system.  However, we National Socialists
never asserted that we represented a democratic point of view, but we have
declared openly that we used the democratic methods only to gain power and
that, after assuming the power, we would deny to our adversaries without any
consideration the means which were granted to us in times of our opposition.
 -- Josef Goebbels
%%
When Demosthenes was asked what was the first part of oratory, he
answered, "Action;" and which was the second, he replied, "Action;"
and which was the third, he still answered, "Action."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Lives of the Ten Orators
%%
When dictatorship is a fact, revolution becomes a right.
 -- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
When did a lawyer ever file a brief that was?
%%
When did morning ever break,
And find such beaming eyes awake?
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Fly not yet
%%
When did my wild oats turn to shredded wheat?
%%
When did rules ever stop a determined feline?
%%
When did we get to Disneyland?
%%
"When did you first realize that you were God?"
"Well, I was praying to the Lord one day, when I suddenly discovered that
I was talking to myself."
 -- Peter O'Toole, "The Ruling Class"
%%
"When did you learn to do that?"
"I read the instructions!"
 -- Commando
%%
When does later become never?
%%
When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask?  Well, last year, I
think it was a Tuesday.
%%
"When domestic servants are treated as human beings it is not worth while
to keep them."
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Servants"
%%
When DOS grows up it wants to be OS/2!
%%
When down in the mouth, remember Jonah.  He came out all right.
 -- Thomas Edison
%%
When dreaming stops, the time to die has arrived.
%%
When dreams become more important than reality, you give up
  travel, building, creating; you even forget how to repair the
  machines left behind by your ancestors.  You just sit living and
  reliving other lives left behind in the thought records.
 -- Vina, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"), stardate unknown.
%%
When drinking from the stream it is well to remember the spring.
%%
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
 -- General Creighton W. Abrams
%%
When Edwina Currie held aloft a pair of handcuffs at a Tory Party Conference:
 I Admit I felt a bat's squeak of desire.
%%
Whene'er I take my walks abroad,
  How many poor I see!
What shall I render to my God
  For all his gifts to me?
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Divine Songs, Song iv
%%
When elderly and distinguished scientists denounce a new idea, it will turn
 out to be right.
%%
When encryption is outlawed, AQFT 1ADL FKIV 4IBF F9YK SR3R QEGT HLBA Q7AB
%%
When Eudaemonidas heard a philosopher arguing that only a wise man
can be a good general, "This is a wonderful speech," said he; "but
he that saith it never heard the sound of trumpets."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Eudaemonidas
%%
Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X,
A is a scoundrel.
 -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards
 upon 'B', 'A' is most likely a scoundrel
 -- H L Mencken
%%
Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
Whenever Alexander heard Philip had taken any town of importance,
or won any signal victory, instead of rejoicing at it altogether,
he would tell his companions that his father would anticipate everything,
and leave him and them no opportunities of performing great and illustrious
actions.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Alexander
%%
"Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on them [public offices], a rottenness
begins in his conduct."
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), 1799
%%
Whenever anybody says he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh
because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a
parrot or something.
 -- Jack Handey, "Deep Thoughts"
%%
Whenever anyone says "I can't," it makes me wish he'd get stung to death by
 about ten thousand bees.  When he says "I'll try," five thousand bees.  ("I
 can," one bee.)
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really".
 -- Dave Parnas
%%
 Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it
beyond recognition.
 -- Brooke's Law
%%
Whenever doubt can be called into question, do so.
%%
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
 -- Robert M. Hutchins
%%
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to
  see it tried on him personally.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
Whenever I hear the sparrow chirping, watch the woodpecker chirp, catch a
 chirping trout, or listen to the sad howl of the chirp rat, I think:  Oh boy!
 I'm going insane again.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Whenever I'm faced with a difficult situation, I like to ask myself
what my idol, Edward R. Murrow, would think; and I think Ed would
call this censorship.  "But I also ask myself what my other hero,
General George Patton, would think; and I think George would believe
this country needs to be cleaned up. Why, if George were alive today,
he'd take two armored tank divisions into Hollywood and knock those
liberal pinheads into the ocean!  "So, as you can see, I'm a very
confused man.  And when I'm confused, there's only one thing that
makes me feel better: I watch TV.
 -- Les Nesman, "WKRP in Cincinatti"
%%
Whenever I'm in Champaign, I listen to the great music on Rock 107,
and when I'm out of town, they mail it to me.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Whenever I need to ``get away,'' I just get away in my mind.  I go
to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is
perfect and the weather is perfect.  The only bad thing there are
the flies.  They're terrible!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Whenever in time, and wherever in the universe, any man speaks or
writes in any detail about the technical management of a poem, the
resulting irascibility of the reader's response is a constant.
 -- Francis P. Chisholm
%%
Whenever I read "Time" or "Newsweek" or such magazines, I wash my hands
afterward. But how to wash off the small but odious stain such reading leaves
on the mind?
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first
instinct is to laugh.  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and
she fell on me.  Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Whenever I see a photograph of some sportsman grinning over his kill, I am
always impressed by the striking moral and esthetic superiority of the dead
animal to the live one.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Whenever I think of program maintenance, I conjure up a picture of
the Great Dust Bowl of the 30's. We have seen thousands of stirring films
on "How the West was Won" but who wants to see a film on "How the West was
Make Liveable After It was Won"? There was one such film, Grapes of Wrath.
Pretty depressing too.
 -- Gerald M. Weinberg
%%
Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great
 way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is
 someone sitting there?" just say, "No one--except the Lord."
 -- Carol Leifer
%%
Whenever I try to get in touch with myself,
I always get the answering machine.
%%
Whenever I use Elvis stamps, I have my hound dog lick them.
%%
Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
 -- Susan Healy
%%
Whenever I was upset by something in the papers, [Jack] always told me to
 be more tolerant, like a horse flicking away flies in the summer.
 -- Jacqueline Kennedy
%%
Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, nature immediately
comes up with a better mouse.
 -- James Carswell
%%
Whenever one finds oneself inclined to bitterness, it is a sign of
emotional failure.
 -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence,
the probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion
to the embarrassment it will cause.
 -- Bob Considine
%%
Whenever people say we mustn't be sentimental, you can take it they are
about to do something cruel.  And, if they add, we must be realistic, they
mean they are going to make money out of it.
 -- Brigid Brophy
%%
Whenever possible, avoid airlines which have anyone's first name in their
 titles, like Bob's International Airline or Air Fred.
 -- "Miss Piggy"
%%
Whenever possible blame the hardware.
%%
Whenever Possible, Put People On Hold.
%%
Whenever possible, steal code.
 -- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Whenever science makes a discovery, the devil grabs it while the
angels are debating the best way to use it.
%%
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I
 spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back.  NOW who's asking the
 questions?
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Whenever the cause of the people is entrusted to professors it is lost.
 -- Nikolai Lenin
%%
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last
you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his
Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910) "Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court"
%%
Whenever the maths turns out to be impossible, you have to invent new physics.
%%
Whenever, therefore, the profession of arms becomes a distinct
order in the state....the end of the social compact is
defeated... No free government was ever founded, or ever
preserved its liberty without uniting the characters of the
citizen and soldier in those destined for the defense of the
state...Such are a well regulated militia, composed of the
freeholders, citizen and husbandman, who take up arms to
preserve their property, as individuals, and their rights as
freemen.
 -- Richard Henry Lee
%%
Whenever they burn books, they will also, in the end, burn people.
 -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Whenever they put on the straight jacket, my nose itches.
%%
Whenever two hypotheses cover the facts, use the simpler of the two.
%%
Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel
and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more
than half the bible is filled, it would seem more consistent that we called
it the word of a demon than the Word of God. It is a history of wickedness
that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind.
 -- Thomas Paine
 -- The Age of Reason
%%
Whenever we seek to avoid the responsibility for our own behavior, we
do so by attempting to give that responsibility to some other
individual or organization or entity.  But this means we then give
away our power to that entity.
 -- M. Scott Peck
%%
When everyone *is* out to get you, being paranoid isn't going to help.
%%
When everyone thinks alike, then everyone is stupid.
%%
Whenever you are angry, be assured that it is not only a present evil,
but that you have increased a habit.
 -- Epictetus
%%
 Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a
 need for them an hour later.
 -- Witten's Law
%%
Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and
    grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always
    lands at your feet.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #55
%%
Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.  Whenever you
    are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #34
%%
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country,
 it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.
 -- H. L. Menchen
%%
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the
 room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Whenever you're holding all the cards, why does
everyone else turn out to be playing chess?
%%
Whenever you're in trouble, get yourself a lawyer.  Then you've got even
more trouble, but at least you've got a lawyer.
 -- Chico Marx, "At the Circus"
%%
Whenever you're sitting across from some important person, always picture
 him sitting there in a suit of long underwear. That's the way I always
 operated in business.
 -- Joseph P. Kennedy
%%
Whenever you see intelligent people doing illogical
things, you know the government is involved.
 -- Larsen's Law
%%
Whenever you set out to do something,
something else must be done first.
 -- Murphy's Law Corollary  6
%%
Whenever you turn on the radio, you hear the last few notes
of your favourite song.
 -- Horowitz' Law
%%
Whenever you use a jump, be sure of your destination.
%%
When everything has been seen to work, all integrated, you have four
more months
of work to do.
 -- C. Portman of ICL Ltd.
%%
When everything is going badly and you are trying to make up your mind, look
towards the heights, no complications there.
 -- Charles DeGaulle
%%
When everything is new, can anything be a surprise?
 -- Cho-Je, Planet of the Spiders
%%
When everything is outlawed, outlaws will have everything.
%%
When everything is worth money, then money is worth nothing.
%%
When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
%%
When faced with a problem, some people say 'Let's use AWK.'   Now they
have two problems.
 -- Zalman Stern
%%
When faced with facts, call them lies.
 -- Liberal Rule #31
%%
When faced with facts, ignore them.
 -- Liberal Rule # 3
%%
When fair winds fail, take to the oars.
%%
When faith is kneeling by his bed of death,
And innocence is closing up his eyes,
Now if thou wouldst, when all have given him over,
From death to life thou might'st him yet recover.
 -- Michael Drayton (1563-1631)
 -- Ideas, An Allusion to the Eaglets, lxi
%%
When Fate gets nauseous, my life is always the bucket!
%%
When fear admits no hope of safety, Necessity makes dastards valiant men.
 -- Herrick
%%
...when fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or
writer has been known to abandon the desktop for the more spacious
floor.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
When flowing cups pass swiftly round
  With no allaying Thames.
 -- Richard Lovelace (1618-1658)
 -- To Althea from Prison, ii
%%
When forced to resort to arms for redress, an appeal to the tribunal of the
world was deemed proper for our justification. This was the object of the
Declaration of Independence.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
When Fortune flatters, she does it to betray.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 277
%%
When Fortune is on our side, popular favour bears her company.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 275
%%
When Fortune means to men most good,
She looks upon them with a threatening eye.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
When fortune sends a stormy wind, Then show a brave and present mind; And
when with too indulgent gales She swells too much, then furl thy sails.
 -- Creech
%%
When forty million people believe in a dumb idea,
it's still a dumb idea.
 -- Ad run by United Technologies Corporation
%%
When found, make a note of.
 -- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
 -- Dombey and Son, Chap. xv
%%
When freedom destroys order, desire for order will destroy freedom.
 -- Eric Hoffer
%%
When Freedom from her mountain-height
  Unfurled her standard to the air,
She tore the azure robe of night,
  And set the stars of glory there.
She mingled with its gorgeous dyes
The milky baldric of the skies,
And striped its pure, celestial white
With streakings of the morning light.
%%
When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free.
%%
When giving a speech be prepared -- be prepared to be spontaneous
 -- Mary Baumann
%%
When God belches, it sounds OK.
 -- Spin Doctors, Jones Beach, 7/9/93
%%
When God created man, She was only testing.
%%
When God created men, She was only joking.
%%
When God created the oceans was he a 'C' programer?
%%
When God created two sexes, he may have been overdoing it.
 -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
When God endowed human beings with brains,
 He did not intend to guarantee them.
%%
When God is planning ruin for a man, He first deprives him of his reason.
%%
When God saw how faulty was man He tried again and made woman.As to
why he then stopped there are two opinions.  One of them is woman's.
 -- DeGourmont
%%
When God shook the tree of life, all the nuts landed in California.
%%
When Grandmama fell off the boat
 And couldn't swim (and wouldn't float),
 Matilda just stood by and smiled.
 I almost could have slapped the child.
 -- Harry Graham
%%
When grasping at straws, any straw will do.
%%
When great changes occur in history, when great principles are involved,
as a rule the majority are wrong.  The minority are right.
 -- Eugene V. Debs (1855-1926)
%%
When Greeks joined Greeks, then was the tug of war.
 -- Nathaniel Lee (1655-1692)
 -- Alexander the Great, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
When guns are outlawed, only outlaws, the police, and
the military will have guns
%%
When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
 -- Art Denman
%%
When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
hold the hammer with both hands.
 -- Leibowitz's Rule
%%
When have the Prophets not been stoned, from Christ down to Wagner?  Crazy,
enthusiastic, or madmen all of them.... Why, my dear friend, what do you mean
by complaining of neglect, abuse, scorn? These are the precious rewards of the
teachers of mankind.
 -- Andrew Carnegie, 1897
%%
When having a smackerel of something with a friend, don't eat so much
that you get stuck in the doorway trying to get out.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
When he first came to work at the development center, Ninjei was assigned
to support the operating system.  One day a manager came into Ninjei's cubicle.

"Why are you not working?" asked the manager.

"The system has crashed," said Ninjei.

The manager frowned.  "You are paid to keep the system running!" he exclaimed.

"The system has not crashed," said Ninjei.
 -- The Zen of Programming
%%
When he is best, he is a little worse than a man; and when he is worst,
he is little better than a beast.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
    When he is forsaken,
    Wither'd and shaken,
What can an old man do but die?
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- Spring it is cheery
%%
When helping with this problem, please flame me good so that others will learn
 from my brazen irresponsibility.
 -- Russell Earnest (re4@prism.gatech.edu)
%%
When Hermodotus in his poems described Antigonus as the son of Helios,
"My valet-de-chambre," said he, "is not aware of this."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Isis and Osiris
%%
When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night,
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
When he was in great prosperity, and courted by many, seeing himself
splendidly served at his table, he turned to his children and said:
"Children, we had been undone, if we had not been undone."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Themistocles
%%
When he was praised by some wicked men, he said, "I am sadly afraid
that I must have done some wicked thing."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Antisthenes, iv
%%
When he was wounded with an arrow in the ankle, and many ran to him
that were wont to call him a god, he said smiling, "That is blood,
as you see, and not, as Homer saith, 'such humour as distils from
blessed gods.'"
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Alexander
%%
When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were
    able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not
    to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she,
    with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection.        That question should be taken out and shot.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
When Hitler attacked the Jews I was not a Jew, therefore, I was not
concerned.  And when Hitler attacked the Catholics, I was not a
Catholic, and therefore, I was not concerned.  And when Hitler attacked
the unions and the industrialists, I was not a member of the unions and
I was not concerned.  Then, Hitler attacked me and the Protestant
church--and there was nobody left to be concerned.
 -- Martin Niemoller (1892-1984)
 -- in Congressional Record 14 October 1968, p. 31636
%%
When, however, the lay public rallies round an idea that is
denounced by distinguished but elderly scientists and supports that
idea with great fervor and emotion--the distinguished but elderly
scientists are then, after all, probably right.
 -- Isaac Asimov (1920-1992) Fantasy & Science Fiction 1977 [magazine]
 -- in answer to Clarke's First Law
%%
When human it's abortion; when it's a chicken, an omelet.
 -- Carlin
%%
When I am dead, I hope it may be said:
"His sins were scarlet, but his books were read."
 -- Hilaire Belloc
%%
When I am dead let fire destroy the world;
It matters not to me, for I am safe.
%%
When I am dead, no pageant train
  Shall waste their sorrows at my bier,
Nor worthless pomp of homage vain
  Stain it with hypocritic tear.
 -- Edward Everett (1794-1865)
 -- Alaric the Visigoth
%%
When I am here, I do not fast on Saturday; when at Rome, I do fast on Saturday.
 -- Saint Augustine (354-430)
 -- Epistle 36, To Casulanus
%%
When I am sad, I sing,
and then the world is sad with me.
%%
When I Bite Into A York Peppermint Patty, <BLEARGH!<
%%
When I bought some new glasses a few months ago, the lady kept on saying
how great the lenses were that I was getting.  She kept on saying,
``You can shoot a bullet right through them.''I figured you could do
this with most lenses, but I didn't say anything.
%%
When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialed in my absence and
sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my
absence.
 -- Brendan Behan
%%
When I can read my title clear
  To mansions in the skies,
I 'll bid farewell to every fear,
  And wipe my weeping eyes.
 -- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
 -- Hymns and Spiritual Songs, Book ii, Hymn 65
%%
When I come upon anything-- in Logic or in any other hard subject--
that entirely puzzles me, I find it a capital plan to talk it over,
aloud, even when I am all alone.  One can explain things so clearly
to one's self!  And then, you know, one is so patient with one's self:
one never gets irritated at one's own stupidity!
 -- Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832-98),
 -- English writer, mathematician
%%
When I consider life, 't is all a cheat.
Yet fool'd with hope, men favour the deceit;
Trust on, and think to-morrow will repay.
To-morrow 's falser than the former day;
Lies worse, and while it says we shall be blest
With some new joys, cuts off what we possest.
Strange cozenage! none would live past years again,
Yet all hope pleasure in what yet remain;
And from the dregs of life think to receive
What the first sprightly running could not give.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Aurengzebe, Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
When I consider the caliber, the bravery and the patriotism of the fine
 young soldiers whose deaths I have witnessed...it is untenable and
 incomprehensible to me that a man who was not merely unwilling to serve his
 country, but actually protested against its military, should ever be in the
 position of commander in chief of our armed forces.
 -- Lt. Col. Eugene Holmes, US Army (Ret.), commenting on Slick Willy Clinton
%%
When I dance, the band skips. I have a sunken bathtub--and a sunken toilet!
 -- Bob Zany
%%
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
 -- Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
When I did my self-portrait, I left all the pimples out because you always
 should. Pimples are a temporary condition and they don't have anything to
 do with what you really look like. Always omit the blemishes--they're not
 part of the good picture you want.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
When I did well, I heard it never.
When I did ill, I heard it ever.
%%
When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.
 -- A. Rand
%%
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
%%
When I die, I would like to go peacefully in my sleep, like my uncle; not
screaming as the other passengers in his car.
 -- sign in OSU Computer Sci. lab
%%
When I die, make me a tombstone that says GAME OVER
 -- Ton Richters
%%
When I discover who I am, I'll be free.
 -- Ralph Ellison
%%
When I emerged from my mothers uterus, I was the size of a chicken bouillon
cube and Father said to the obstetrician:
`I realise that at this age it's difficult to prognosticate his chances for
a productive life, but if he's going to to remain six-sided & 0.4 grams
for the rest of his life,then euthanasia's our best bet'
 -- Mark Leyner
%%
When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion
that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for
abstract, positive thinking.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
When I face an issue of great import that cleaves both constituents
and colleagues, I always take the same approach. I engage in deep
deliberation and quiet contemplation. I wait to the last available
minute and then I always vote with the losers. Because, my friend,
the winners never remember and the losers never forget.
 -- Thomas H. Kean
%%
When I feel athletic, I go to a sports bar.
%%
When I feel like getting away from it all, I just turn the TV on to a
 Spanish soap opera and imagine I'm on vacation in a hotel in Mexico.
 -- Brian McKim
%%
When I find true wisdom, I'll let you know,
(if letting you know still seems important.)
%%
When I finished school I took one of those career aptitude tests and, based
 on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime.
 -- Tim Cavanagh
%%
When I first became a manager, I asked Chuck [Tanner] for advice. He told
 me, "Always rent."
 -- Tony Larussa
%%
When I first started working, I used to dream of the day when
I might be earning the salary I'm starving on now.
%%
When I forget my sovereign, may my God forget me.
 -- Lord Thurlow (1732-1806)
 -- 27 Parliamentary History, 680; Annual Register, 1789
%%
When I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled. It made me feel just like
 a high school girl again. Also, my condition really proved most eloquently
 the fact that I was loved--if only for a moment.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
When I get a bird I'm naming it Jean-Luc Peckhard.
%%
When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a
two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives.
 -- Rod Schmidt
%%
When I get my strength back, I'm going to take a good long rest.
%%
When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now...
%%
When I get that feeling, I need sexual healing
 -- Marvin Gaye
%%
When I get through making Benny eat his words he'll think he's been on a
 diet of dry alphabet soup.
 -- Fred Allened Allen
%%
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint.  When I ask why
the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
 -- Dom Helder Camara
%%
When I got to America, I saw an ad in the paper: "We guarantee our
 furniture and stand behind it for six months." That's why I left the Soviet
 Union. I don't want any people standing behind my furniture!
 -- Yakov Smirnoff
%%
When I grow up....I'm gonna be taller!
%%
When I grow up, I want to be a CRAY.
%%
When I grow up, I want to be an honest lawyer so things like that
can't happen.
 -- Richard Nixon as a boy (on the Teapot Dome scandal)
%%
When I hand my love in, I'll be done.
 -- Soundgarden
%%
When I have a convenient season, I will call for thee.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xxiv, 25
%%
When I have a kid, I want to buy a twin-stroller and put him in one side,
 and then reply when he's old enough to ask "You had a brother, but he was
 bad."
%%
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins.  Then put
 the kid in and run around, looking frantic.  When he gets older, I'd tell him
 he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and
the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to
blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the
killings? The killers are to blame.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle giving an intelligent, in-depth
                   analysis of the LA riots.  (during the Commonwealth
                   Club speech 5/19/92)
%%
When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.  I
shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do
what you like now."
 -- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
%%
When I heard that trees grow a new 'ring' for each year they live, I thought,
 we humans are kind of like that: we grow a new layer of skin each year, and
 after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all our skin layers.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
When I hear the word "Culture" I pick up my Browning.
 -- Hanns Johst (1890-?)
%%
When I hear the word "culture", I reach for my checkbook.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a
year.  I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire
winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
 -- Dave Barry, Postpetroleum Guzzler
%%
When I impart my suspicions to you, it is information. When you repeat what
 you have heard, it is gossip!
%%
When I knead my friends, they turn their backs.
%%
When I left the meeting, I had the definite impression that I had found the
same game as with the seals: management reducing criteria and accepting more
and more errors that weren't designed into the device, while the engineers
are screaming from below, "HELP!" and "This is a RED ALERT!"
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988), about NASA
 -- "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
When I left you, I was but the pupil.  Now, I am the master.
 -- Darth Vader
%%
When I lived in Birmingham, on my way every morning I would pass the
 Coronation Road Adventure Playground. It even had it's initials in large
 letters on a noticeboard.

 Similar to the Sam Houston Institute of Technology. The name was changed
 when underclassmen started wearing sweaters with the schools acronym.

 (Not to the Texas Institute of Technology I hope...)
%%
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me eighty-five dollars. That's why
 in the Navy the captain goes down with the ship.
 -- Dick Gregory
%%
When I'm driving down the highway I like to stick my head out the window,
 look up at the sky and smile, in case somebody's taking a satellite
 picture.
%%
When I meet an Englishman and he speaks with that funny accent, I'd never
 say, "You're a liar." But ... I believe that if you wake an Englishman in
 the middle of the night, he'll speak just like us.
 -- Milt Kamen
%%
When I mentioned that it seemed to me that the
 Reverend's followers were being systematically
 turned into mindless zombies by a fraudulent
 megalomaniac, it was taken as criticism.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP
 or DETERGENT for 15 minutes.  He seemed to enjoy it..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
When I'm finally proclaimed Emperor, this will change.
%%
When I'm gone, boxing will be nothing again.  The fans with the cigars and
the hats turned down'll be there, but no more housewives and little men in
the street and foreign presidents.  It's goin' to be back to the fighter who
comes to town, smells a flower, visits a hospital, blows a horn and says
he's in shape.Old hat.  I was the onliest boxer in history people asked
questions like a senator.
 -- Muhammad Ali
%%
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
 -- Mae West
%%
When I 'm not thank'd at all, I 'm thank'd enough;
I 've done my duty, and I 've done no more.
 -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
 -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 3
%%
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty.  I think
only how to solve the problem.  But when I have finished, if the solution
is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
 -- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
%%
When inaccurate, we are definitively inaccurate.
%%
When in a hole, stop digging.
 -- Dennis Healy (Former British Politician)
%%
When in a shop, do as shopkeepers do.
%%
When in danger, or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
 -- Dorable
%%
When independence of principle consists in having no principle on which
 to depend
 -- C.C. Colton
%%
When in distress with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate;
Wishing me like to one more rich in fate
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's state,
With what I most enjoy contented least.
Then in these thoughts, myself almost despising,
Haply I think of thee and then my state
Like to the lark at break of day arising,
From sullen Earth, sings hymns at Heaven's gate.
For thy remembered love such sweet joy brings,
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Sonnets"
%%
When in doubt, always mount a scratch monkey.
%%
When in doubt, ask Clinton. Then do the opposite!
%%
When in doubt, be positive, mumble loud!
%%
When in doubt, be ruthless
 -- Advice of Zek.
%%
When in doubt, book 'em.% -- Steve McGarret, Five-O
%%
When in doubt, cause as much confusion as you can, and, with luck,
there'll always be a loophole.
 -- Richard Mueller
%%
When in doubt, cheat.
%%
When in doubt, chose free will!
%%
When in doubt, cook something and eat it.
%%
When in doubt, cut it out!
 -- Surgeon's motto
%%
When in doubt, delegate.
%%
When in doubt, do as doubters do.
%%
When in doubt, do it.  It's much easier to apologize than to get permission.
 -- Grace Murray Hopper
%%
When in doubt, don't bother.
%%
When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
%%
When in doubt, drink heavily.
%%
When in doubt, duck.
 -- Malcolm Forbes
%%
When in doubt, empty the magazine.
%%
When in doubt, fire photons!
%%
When in doubt, follow your heart.
%%
When in doubt, form a committee.
%%
When in doubt, fuck it.  When not in doubt... get in doubt!
%%
When in doubt, gallop.
%%
When in doubt, get it out.
 -- Jody Powell
%%
When in doubt, go for a sail.
%%
When in doubt, have two guys come through the door with guns.
 -- Raymond Chandler
%%
When in doubt, ignore it.
%%
When in doubt, just drink.
 -- Peter Weldon
%%
When in doubt, lead a trump.
%%
When in doubt, leave out the adjective.
%%
When in doubt, log yourself out.
%%
When in doubt, make a backup.
%%
When in doubt, make it up.
 -- Liberal Rule # 2
%%
When in doubt, mumble.
%%
When in doubt, power cycle.
 -- Rule of thumb number 26
 -- Joel C. Corcoran
%%
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
 -- Merkin's Maxim
%%
When in doubt, press [CTRL][ALT][DEL].
%%
When in doubt, print 'em out.
 -- Karl's Programming Proverb 0x7
%%
When in doubt, read the directions.
%%
When in doubt, RESET.
%%
When in doubt, RTFM!
%%
When in doubt, sell it!
%%
When in doubt, set and turn
%%
When in doubt, SHOUT!
%%
When in doubt, shroud your spout.
%%
When in doubt, sing loud.
 -- Robert Merrill
%%
When in doubt, take all the defaults.
%%
When in doubt, tell a lie.
 -- Liberal Rule # 1
%%
When in doubt, tell the truth.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
When in doubt, think.
%%
When in doubt, truncat.
%%
When in doubt, try a novel approach!
%%
When in doubt, use a bigger hammer.
%%
When in doubt, use brute force.
 -- Ken Thompson
%%
When in doubt, use more thermite.
%%
When in doubt, walk fast and look worried.
%%
When in doubt, wash.
 -- Boren's Law for Cats
%%
When in doubt, wear red.
 -- Bill Blass
%%
When in doubt, whip it out!!!
%%
When in doubt, win the trick.
 -- Edmond Hoyle (1672-1769)
 -- Twenty-four Rules for Learners, Rule 12
%%
When in doubt, worry.
%%
When I need a little free advice about Saddam Hussein, I turn to
country music.
 -- President George Bush
%%
When I need Virtual Reality I use drugs.
%%
When inlaws are outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
%%
When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the
last time you were on your Bicycle.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 29
%%
When I nod my head, you hit it.
%%
When in panic, fear and doubt,
Drink in barrels, eat, and shout.
%%
When in Poland do as Poles do.
%%
When in Rome, do bulls run around town?
%%
When in Rome, do Roman numerals in math.
%%
When in Rome . . . romance!
%%
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one
people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with
another, and to assume among the powers of the earth the separate
and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God
 -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
 -- Declaration of Independence
%%
When in trouble, delegate.
%%
When in trouble, FREQ GETSOMEONETOHELPYOU.ZIP
%%
When in trouble, obfuscate.
 -- Halgren's Solution
%%
When I play with my cat, who knows whether I do not make her more
sport than she makes me?
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
 -- Henny Youngman
%%
When I read some of the rules for speaking and writing the English
language correctly...
I think
  Any fool can make a rule
  And every fool will mind it.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
When I received the Nobel Prize, the only big lump sum of money I have
ever seen, I had to do something with it.  The easiest way to drop
this hot potato was to invest it, to buy shares.  I knew that World
War II was coming and I was afraid that if I had shares which rise in
case of war, I would wish for war.  So I asked my agent to buy shares
which go down in the event of war.  This he did.  I lost my money and
saved my soul.
 -- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
 -- The Crazy Ape
%%
When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know
have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
When I rest I rust.
 -- German proverb ("rast ich, so rost ich")
%%
When I said gimme a break, I didn't mean break my leg!
%%
When I said we, officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
%%
When is a mouse a rat? When it eats memory!
%%
When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then
it's a "portable hand-held communications inscriber."
%%
When I saw that I could not avoid collision, I stepped on the accelerator
 and subsequently crashed into the other car.
%%
When I say beautiful things, I'm not necessarily living them; when
I live them, the beautiful thing is that words aren't necessary.
 -- Brock Tully
%%
When I say the magic word to all these people, they will vanish forever.
I will then say the magic words to you, and you, too, will vanish --
never to be seen again.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., "Between Time and Timbuktu"
%%
When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and
quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.
 -- Richard Cardinal Cushing
%%
When I see a congressman giving his opinion on something, I always wonder if
it represents his *real* opinion or if it represents an opinion that he's
designed in order to be elected.  It seems to be a central problem for
politicians.  So I often wonder: what is the relation of integrity to working
in the government?
 -- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988),
   "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
When I see a merchant over-polite to his customers, begging them to
taste a little brandy and throwing half his goods on the counter,--thinks
I, that man has an axe to grind.
 -- Charles Miner (1780-1865)
 -- Who 'll turn Grindstones
%%
When I see the Ferris wheels and swings and other toys on sale in pet shops
 for birds, I can't help feeling it's just a waste of money.

 We had two very happy birds and we never thought of buying them anything to
 play with. We figured, since one bird was a boy and one bird was a girl,
 they'll think of something.
 -- Selma Diamond
%%
When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve
 it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality.
 -- Al Capone
%%
When is man strong until he feels alone?
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Colombe's Birthday, Act iii
%%
When Israel was from bondage led,
  Led by the Almighty's hand
  From out of foreign land,
The great sea beheld and fled.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- Davideis, Book i, Line 41
%%
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would
not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you
gave me.'
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer,
the problem went away.
 -- Randy Treft
%%
When I take the humor of a thing once, I am like your tailor's needle- I
go through.
 -- Ben Johnson
%%
When it all boils down to the essence of truth one must live by a dog's
rule of life: if you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it!
%%
When it begins to rain you will consider everyone with an umbrella as a friend.
 -- Yoshi's Umbrella Law
%%
When it comes time to die,
 make sure that all you have
 to do is die.
 -- Jim Elliot
%%
When it comes to a choice between humility and honesty, sometimes honesty wins.
%%
When it comes to a choice between kindness and honesty, my vote is for
kindness every time -- giving or receiving.
%%
When it comes to all-out war you use all the troops you have.
%%
When it comes to facing up to serious problems, each candidate will
pledge to appoint a committee. And what is a committee?  A group of the
unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.  But it all
sounds great in a campaign speech.
 -- Richard Long Harkness, The New York Times, 1960
%%
When it comes to getting the back of your calf wet, a rain and a good
 umbrella are the best combination.
%%
When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
%%
When it comes to humility, I'm the greatest.
 -- Bullwinkle J. Moose
%%
When it comes to my health, I think of my body as a temple... or at
least a moderately well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
When it comes to obscene phone calls, it's difficult to beat a wrong number
 between 1 and 4 A.M.
%%
When it comes to the ultimate in elasticity, it is hard to beat a paycheck
 that lasts until the next one comes in.
%%
When it comes to user-friendly, you can't beat beer.
%%
When it comes to winning new friends, nothing can beat winning the lottery.
%%
When it doesn't blow, it sucks.
%%
When it don't come easy, there's no natural flow.
%%
When I tell people I am vegetarian, people tell me cabbages feel too.
%%
When it gets right down to the basics, there is no real substitute for
 simple incomprehensible good luck.
%%
When it gets to be your turn, they change the rules.
%%
When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can't
 think of a single one, unless you count that rattlesnake that granted me all
 those wishes.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
When I think of some of the men I've slept with--if they were women, I
 wouldn't have had lunch with them.
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people.
 -- Seneca
%%
When it is evening, ye say it will be fair weather: for the sky is red.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xvi, 2
%%
When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect.
 -- Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy
%%
When it is not necessary to change it is necessary not to change.
%%
    When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make
    a decision.
 -- Lord Falkland's Rule
%%
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist,
a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God
the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"
 -- Quentin Crisp
%%
When it rains it pours.
 -- Zymurgy's Seventh Exception to Murphy's Laws
%%
When it's 105 in NYC, it's 78 in LA.  When it's 20 below in NYC, it's
78 in LA.  Of course, there are 4 million interesting people to talk to
in NYC, and 78 in LA.
 -- Neil Simon, who will probably move back to NYC
%%
When it's dark enough you can see the stars.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
When it's not needed, zoning works fine; when it is essential, it
always breaks down.
 -- John McClaughry
%%
When it's you against the world, bet on the world.
%%
When it was seen that many of the wicked seemed quite untroubled
by evil consciences ... then the idea of future suffering was advanced.
%%
When I walked into the supermarket the manager got a grocery cart for me. I
 said, "Why do you always give me a cart with a squeaky wheel?" He said,
 "We've only got one store detective, we can't watch everybody."
 -- Bob Hope
%%
When I _want_ protecting, I'll lock _myself_ in a small box.
%%
When I want to buy up any politicians I always find the anti-monopolists
the most purchasable.  They don't come so high.
 -- William H. Vanderbilt (1821-1885)
%%
When I want to read a novel I write one.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
%%
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!
%%
When I want your opinion, I'll read it in your entrails.
%%
When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk
 to strangers... We haven't spoken since.
%%
When I was a baby, I kept a diary. The first entry is: "Day One: Still tired
 from the move." I was upset because on my second birthday, I went from being
 one to being two, and my age doubled in a year. I figured at this rate, by
 the time I'm six, I'll be ninety.
%%
When I was a boy, my family was poor.  We couldn't buy food to eat.
On Halloween we had to go bobbing for gerbils.
%%
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. Whenever she was in a good
 mood, it turned blue. Whenever she was in a bad mood, it left a big red
 mark in the middle of my forehead.
 -- Jeff Shaw
%%
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand
to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished
at how much he had learned in seven years.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
When I was a Brownie, I ate all the cookies.
 -- Madonna
%%
When I was a child, I spake as a child.... When I became a man, I
put away childish things.
 -- New Testament
 -- 1 Corinthians xiii, 11
%%
When I was a child, I was so fat that I was the one chosen to play
 Bethlehem in the school Nativity play.
 -- The Sea Monster (Jo Brand)
%%
When I was a child, love to me was what the sea is to a fish: something
you swim in while you are going about the important affairs of life.
 -- P. L. Travers
%%
When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves.  And
 usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When I was a fetus I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping.
%%
When I was a kid I said to my father one afternoon, Daddy, will you
take me to the zoo? He answered, If the zoo wants you let them come
and get you.
 -- Jerry Lewis
%%
When I was a kid, I was an imaginary playmate.
%%
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, "Do you
have any toy train schedules?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all
go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It
wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When I was a kid my mother switched religions from Catholic to
 Episcopalian. Which is what, Catholic Lite? One third less guilt than that
 regular religion! You could eat meat on Friday but not a really good cut.
 -- Rick Corso
%%
When I was a kid we downloaded at 300bps and ENJOYED it!
%%
When I was a little bitty baby my mama done rock me in the cradle...
%%
When I was a little boy, I had but a little wit,
'Tis a long time ago, and I have no more yet;
Nor ever ever shall, until that I die,
For the longer I live the more fool am I.
 -- "Wit and Mirth, an Antidote against Melancholy" (1684)
%%
When I was a little boy, I wanted to be a baseball player, and join the
circus.  With the Yankees, I've accomplished both.
 -- Craig Nettles, New York Yankees Third Baseman
%%
When I was a little kid we had a sand box.  It was a quicksand box.  I was an
 only child...eventually.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
When I was a small boy, I used to watch the marshwarblers swooping
  in my mother's undercroft. And I remember thinking - would Man
  ever dare do the same? And you know -
Oh! You want to join the Royal Flying Corps!
...Oh, there's a thought.
 -- Edmund and Cpt. Darling : Private Plane
%%
When I was a small boy, my father told me never to recommend a church or a
 woman to anyone. And I have found it wise never to recommend a restaurant
 either. Something always goes wrong with the cheese souffle.
 -- Edward G. Love
%%
When I was at school we used to line up four or five of his sort
  and use 'em as a toast rack.
 -- George : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
When I was a young newspaperman, an old, gray- haired sportswriter named
 Harry Grayson said to me: "Always remember: when you freeload, bitch. You
 maintain dignity."
 -- Ira Berkow
%%
When I was born I drew in the common air, and fell upon the earth,
which is of like nature, and the first voice which I uttered was crying,
as all others do.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Wisdom of Solomon vii, 3
%%
When I was born, my family was so poor my mother couldn't afford to use
 talcum powder on me. So she used to douse me with kitchen baking soda ...
 About once every month I'd break out in a severe case of cookies."
 -- Woody Allen
%%
When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my
 birth certificate.
 -- Jackie Vernon
%%
When I was called upon to be Prime Minister, now nearly two
years ago, there were not many applicants for the job. Since
then perhaps the market has improved.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill, Speech, Jan. 1942
%%
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms
 with me.  I said, "Well, what do you need?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
When I was eight, I played Little League.  I was on first; I stole third; I
 went straight across.  Earlier that week, I learned that the shortest distance
 between two points was a direct line.  I took advantage of that knowledge.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
When I was five, my parents moved to Texas.
 When I was nine, I found them.
%%
When I was five years old I was on a merry go round.  There was a
gunshot nearby.  The horses stampeded.  There I was running down the
street on a purple wooden horse.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
When I was growing up, all my friends wanted to have sex with anything that
 moved. "Why limit yourself?" I told them.
 -- Emo Philips
%%
When I was growing up, my mom wanted me to become a priest, which I think
 is a tough occupation. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then
 once a week people come in to tell you all the highlights of theirs?
 -- Tom Dreesen
%%
When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my
ankle.A little old lady had to help me across the street.
 -- Rod Schmidt
%%
When I was [in Canada] I found their jokes like their roads -- not very
 long and not very good, leading to a little tin point of a spire which
 has been remorselessly obvious for miles without seeming to get any
 nearer.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
When I was in college, there were a lot of four-letter words you couldn't
say in front of girls.Now you can say them.  But you can't say "girls".
%%
When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two, I
didn't like it, I didn't inhale it, and never tried it again.
 -- Bill Clinton
 -- The World Almanac and Book of Facts, 1993
%%
When I was in high school, my friends would lay anything that moved.
 I choose not to limit myself.
%%
When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk
 about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with
 gonorrhea.
 -- Bill Maher
%%
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action.  They rented out
 my room.
 -- Woody Allen
%%
When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five
 minutes without moving.  He said it was elevator practice.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
When I was made presidential press secretary my father sent me a telegram:
 "Always tell the truth. If you can't always tell the truth, don't lie."
 -- Bill Moyers
%%
When I was one-and-twenty,
I heard a wise man say,
Give pounds and crowns and guineas,
But not your heart away.

Give pearls away and rubies,
But keep your fancy free.
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.
 -- A.E. Houseman
%%
When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an
act of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school.  A
group of seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a
six-year-old.  It is always so, my mother said.    You do things
together which not one of you would think of doing alone.    ...
Wherever one looks in the world of human organization, collective
responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.  The military
establishment is an extreme case, an organization which seems to have
been expressly designed to make it possible for people to do things
together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
 -- Freeman Dyson, Weapons and Hope
%%
When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I
had been found doing so. Now that I am 50, I read them openly. When I became a
man, I put away childish things- including the fear of childishness and the
desire to be grown-up.
 -- C. S. Lewis
%%
When I was young, all I wanted was to be ruler of the universe.  Now that isn't
 enough.
 -- Alex P. Keaton
%%
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened.  It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
When I was young, I kissed my first woman, and smoked my first
cigarette on the same day.  Believe me, never since have I wasted any
more time on tobacco.
 -- Alfred Toscanini
%%
When I was young I observed that nine out of every ten things I did
were failures, so I did ten times more work.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
When I was young, I used to have successes with women because I was young.
Now I have successes with women because I am old.  Middle age was the
hardest part.
 -- Artur Rubinstein
%%
When I was young I was sure of everything; in a few years, having been
mistaken a thousand times, I was not half so sure of most things as I
was before; at present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God has
revealed to me.
 -- John Wesley
%%
When I was young, my family bought a color TV. Our neigbors, who were
poorer, had only a black-and-white set. They bought a piece of cellophane,
shaded from red through yellow to blue, and taped it over their screen, so
they could claim that they had a color TV, too.  Now there's Windows 3.1.
%%
When I was young, my position was: dynamite.  It was only later that I
 realized that this sort of thing cannot be rushed.  It must rot away like a
 diseased member.
 -- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), on the churches.
%%
When I was young we didn't have MTV; we had to take drugs and go to
concerts.
 -- Steven Pearl
%%
When I was young, we had to carve our CPU's out of wood.
%%
When I was young, we had to carve our taglines from WOOD.
%%
When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day.
%%
When I was your age we ate wood and rocks ... Cripes! - Ren
%%
When I was your age we carved our transistors out of wood.
%%
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles to a...
%%
When I went in to buy the fur coat, the salesman told me, "You never in
 your life saw a coat this luxurious, this fine." And he takes the coat and
 throws it on the floor ... You wanna try it on, you lay down and creep into
 it! I said, "Well, it looks very nice on the floor. How do you think it'll
 look on me?" He's a real diplomat. He says, "Even on you the coat'll look
 good." I always wondered why they throw the coat on the floor. I found out.
 It's so when they tell you the price you'll have something soft to faint
 on.
 -- Jean Carroll
%%
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep
good?'  I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
 -- Stephen Wright
%%
When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.
%%
When [Jack Kennedy] ran for office the first time, he carried a loose-leaf
 book of quotations around with him. One of them was from his father. "More
 men die of jealousy than of cancer," it read.
 -- Christopher Matthews
%%
When killing killers is outlawed, only killers will kill.
%%
When Kip Compton is found, the check is in the....
%%
When Klingons pluck their eyebrows, they do it with HONOR
%%
When large numbers of men are unable to find work,
 unemployment results.
 -- Oxymoron
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts,
don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
When leaving taglines, always make sure you have enough ro
%%
When Life does not find a singer to sing her heart she produces a
philosopher to speak her mind.
 --  Kahlil Gibran
%%
When life gives you a lemon, say 'Lemons?  I like lemons.  What else have
you got?'
%%
When life hands you lemons make Strawberry Daiquiris.
%%
When living in the fast lane,
remember to watch out for the center divider.
%%
When living on the fringe, make sure to enjoy all the fringe benefits.
%%
When looks were fond and words were few.
 -- Allan Cunningham (1785-1842)
 -- Poet's Bridal-day Song
%%
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
 -- Charles Reade
%%
When love begins to sicken and decay,
It useth an enforced ceremony.
There are no tricks in plain and simple faith.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
When love could teach a monarch to be wise,
And gospel-light first dawn'd from Bullen's eyes.
 -- Education and Government, line 108
 -- The monarch is Henry VIII, "Bullen" is Anne Boleyn's
%%
When love is gone, there's always justice.
  And when justice is gone, there's always force.
  And when force is gone, there's always Mom.
  Hi, Mom!
 -- Laurie Anderson
%%
When management wants your opinion, they'll give it to you.
%%
When managers hold endless meetings, the programmers write games.
When accountants talk of quarterly profits, the development budget
is about to be cut. When senior scientists talk blue sky, the clouds
are about to roll in.

Truly, this is not the Tao of Programming.

When managers make commitments, game programs are ignored. When
accountants make long-range plans, harmony and order are about to
be restored. When senior scientists address the problems at hand,
the problems will soon be solved.

Truly, this is the Tao of Programming.
%%
When man learns to understand and control his own behavior as well as he
is learning to understand and control the behavior of crop plants and
domestic animals, he may be justified in believing that he has become
civilized.
 -- E. C. Stakman
%%
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
 -- Jef Poskanzer (jef@well.sf.ca.us)
%%
When Mary had a little lamb,
 The doctors were surprised;
 When Old MacDonald had a farm,
 The doctors nearly died.
%%
When Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley's hero, Frankenstein, endowed his
synthetic robot with a human heart, the monster which before had been a
useful mechanical servant suddenly became an uncontrollable force.  Our
ancestors feared that corporations had no conscience.  We are treated to
the colder, more modern fear that, perhaps they do.
 -- A. A. Berle, Jr. (1895-1971)
%%
When men and women think, the first step to progress is taken.
 -- Elizabeth C. Stanton
%%
When men are arrived at the goal, they should not turn back.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of the Training of Children
%%
When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are
broken.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
When men exercise their reason coolly and freely on a variety of
distinct questions, they inevitably fall into different opinions on
some of them.  When they are governed by a common passion, their
opinions, if they are so to be called, will be the same.
 -- James Madison
%%
When men grow virtuous in their old age, they are merely making a
sacrifice to God of the Devil's leavings.
 -- Jonathan Swift
%%
When men lack a sense of awe, there will be disaster.
 -- Lao Tse, TAO TE CHING: 72
%%
When men were men ... and they used to write their own device drivers.
%%
When men willingly suspend fear, science flourishes.
%%
When Michael sang Baby be Mine I think he meant it.
%%
When money speaks, the truth is most often silent.
%%
When money talks, nobody notices what grammar it uses.
%%
When money talks there are few interruptions.
%%
When Music, heavenly maid, was young,
While yet in early Greece she sung.
 -- William Collins (1720-1756)
 -- The Passions, Line 1
%%
When must dispute has past,
We find our tenets just the same as last.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
When my Dad came home last night, my mom fainted.
%%
When my eyes shall be turned to behold for the last time the sun in
heaven, may I not see him shining on the broken and dishonored fragments
of a once glorious Union; on States dissevered, discordant, belligerent;
on a land rent with civil feuds, or drenched, it may be, in fraternal
blood.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Second Speech on Foot's Resolution, Jan. 26, 1830, p. 342
%%
When my friend John King was staying with us, he broke his
newly capped front tooth so he went to my dentist. The
receptionist filled in his details as follows:
    Name: King, John
    Complaint: Crown came off.
%%
When my looks say yes, how can I say no?
 -- Al Bundy
%%
When my mom got really mad, she would say, "Your butt is my meat." Not a
 particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, "Now, what wine goes
 with that?"
 -- Paula Poundstone
%%
When Nature has work to be done, she creates a genius to do it.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Method of Nature"
%%
When need is highest,
Help is nighest.
 -- Proverb
%%
When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched,
the majority of men live content.
 -- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
When night
Darkens the streets, then wander forth the sons
Of Belial, flown with insolence and wine.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 500
%%
When no flags flew, where no army stood.
%%
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
%%
When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering
away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack
showing in it.  Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in
two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had
gone before.
 -- Jacob Riis
%%
When now Aurora, daughter of the dawn,
With rosy lustre purpled o'er the lawn.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iii, Line 516
%%
When no wind blows, even the weather vane has character.
%%
When old friends get together, everything else fades to insignificance.
 -- War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death
%%
When on a roll, should you be concerned or jelly-filled?
%%
When once a man has made celebrity necessary to his happiness, he
has put it in the power of the weakest and most timorous malignity,
if not to take away his satisfaction, at least to withhold it.  His
enemies may indulge their pride by airy negligence and gratify their
malice by quiet neutrality.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
When once infidelity can persuade men that they shall die like beasts,
they will soon be brought to live like beasts also.
 -- South
%%
When one asked him what boys should learn, "That," said he, "which
they shall use when men."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Laconic Apophthegms, Of Agesilaus the Great
%%
When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
 -- Dylan Thomas
%%
When one considers just what man is, Happy it be that short his span is.
 -- James Cagney
%%
When one does not know what to say, it is a time to be silent.
%%
When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long
and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones
which open for us.
 -- Alexander Graham Bell
%%
When one door closes, fortune will usually open another.
 -- Fernando de Rojas
%%
    When one first arrives in Vushta, one should beware of street sellers
offering forbidden delights near the outskirts of town. These first delights
are far more shoddy in nature than those to be had in the inner City, and can
be actively unpleasant if you do not have an affinity for goats.
 -- Vushta on Twenty-Five Pieces of Gold a Day, by
   Ebenezum, Greatest Wizard in the Western Kingdoms,
   revised, updated fourth edition
%%
When one has an early class, one's roommate will invariable enter the space
late at night and suddenly become hyperactive, ill, violent, or all three.
%%
When one has good health it is not serious to be ill.
 --  Francis Blanche
%%
When one has great gifts, what answer to the meaning of existence
should one require beyond the right to exercise them?
 -- W. H. Auden
%%
When one has tasted it, one knows instantly what the angels eat, and what
 the angels eat is most certainly not what one has just tasted!
%%
When one is painting one does not think.
 -- Raphael
%%
When one is seeking a classical vacation which is very enjoyable, it is
 hard to find an equal for sending all the kids to camp for a couple of
 weeks.
%%
When one is trying to be elegant and sophisticated, one won't.
 -- Betty Hartig
%%
When one is trying to do something beyond his known powers it is useless to
 seek the approval of friends. Friends are at their best in moments of
 defeat.
 -- Henry Miller
%%
When one lives in a society where people can no longer rely on the
institutions to tell them the truth, the truth must come from culture
and art.
 -- John Trudell
%%
When one maintains his proper attitude in life, he does not long after
externals. What would you have, O man?
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxi
%%
When one's own day comes, one may create revolution.
Starting brings good fortune. No blame.
%%
When one studies the biographies of the founders and leaders of the various
religions, one cannot help but be struck by the psychotic -- or at least
extremely abnormal -- behavior that has characterized so many of them.
Luther, Wesley, and Loyola had hallucinations ("visions").  St. Theresa
almost certainly was a hysteric.  The book _The Psychotic Personality_,
by Leon J. Saul and Silas L. Warner, devotes considerable space to the
psychotic personalities of Mary Baker Eddy (founder of Christian Science),
Joseph Smith (founder of Mormonism), Mohammed, and the Rev. Jim Jones...
It seems significant that the founder of Christianity itself, St. Paul,
also suffered from epilepsy.
 -- Frank Zindler, "Religiosity as a Mental Disorder," American Atheist
 -- magazine, April 1988, p. 27
%%
When one that holds communion with the skies
Has fill'd his urn where these pure waters rise,
And once more mingles with us meaner things,
'T is e'en as if an angel shook his wings.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- Charity, Line 435
%%
When one told Plistarchus that a notorious railer spoke well of him,
"I 'll lay my life," said he, "somebody hath told him I am dead, for
he can speak well of no man living."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Plistarchus
%%
When one wants to get rid of an unsupportable pressure, one needs hashish.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
When one woman was asked how long she had been going to symphony
concerts, she paused to calculate and replied, Forty-seven years --
and I find I mind it less and less.
 -- Louise Andrews Kent
%%
When opportunity knocks, say YES, then figure out HOW.
%%
When other people take a long time to do something, they're slow; when we take
a long time, we're thorough. When they don't do something, they're lazy; when
we don't, we're too busy. When they succeed, they're lucky; when we do, we
deserve it.
%%
When our actions do not,
Our fears do make us traitors.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
When our eyes see our hands doing the work of our hearts, the circle
of Creation is completed inside us, the doors of our souls fly open,
and love steps forth to heal everything in sight.
 -- Michael Bridge
%%
When our first parents were driven out of
 Paradise, Adam is believed to have remarked to
 Eve: `My dear, we live in an age of transition.'
 -- Dean William R. Inge
%%
When our friends get into power, they aren't our friends anymore.
 -- M. Stanton Evans
%%
When outrageous expenditures are divided finely enough, the
public will not have enough stake in any one expenditure to squelch it.
 -- The Guppy Law
Enough guppies can eat a treasury.
 -- Corollary
%%
When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing
and twice as much money.
 -- Stitzer's Vacation Principle
%%
When patterns are broken - new worlds can emerge.
%%
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
 -- Hoffer's Law
%%
When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
When people aren't stupid Usenet is even more useful.   Too bad this
 happens so rarely.
 -- Jef Poskanzer <jef@well.sf.ca.us>
%%
When people are starving, life is no longer meaningless.
 -- John Gardner
%%
When people cease to complain, they cease to think.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
When people have a job to do, particularly a vital but difficult
one, they will invariably put it off until the last possible moment,
and most of them will put it off even longer.
 -- Gordon L. Becker
%%
When people have loved me I have been embarrassed.
%%
When people have no other tyrant, their own public opinion becomes one.
 -- Edward Bulwer-Lytton
%%
When people in north London received a telephone call from an
 engineer saying that there was a fault on the line, they believed
 him. He said that the fault could be put right if the receiver
 was dunked in a bucket of water. Real telephone engineers had
 quite a job repairing wet telephones.
%%
When people say nothing, they don't necessarily mean nothing.
%%
When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them
 by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid, stupid bastard!"  Then I drive them
 out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of
 zebra and clown life.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When people say, "You're breaking my heart", they do in fact usually mean
 that you're breaking their genitals.
%%
When people share their fears with you, share your courag
%%
When people sit in front of you at a movie theater, never say, "Sit down in
 front." People don't bend that way.
 -- Jethro Burns
%%
When people speak of "a loved one passing," it is a fairly good indication
 that they did not like the person.
%%
         When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
         thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
 -- Rule of the Great
%%
When Philip had news brought him of divers and eminent successes in
one day, "O Fortune!" said he, "for all these so great kindnesses
do me some small mischief."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Philip
%%
When Pierre Simon de La Place published his treatise on Solar system
dynamics, Napoleon remarked that it did not mention God. La Place
replied "I did not require that hypothesis."
%%
When PIG's fly they will be called PIGeons
%%
When planning anything, it is well to have a strong appreciation for the
 contingent provisional happenstance and its possible probability.
%%
When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
 -- A Sinbad the Sailor film
%%
When Po-chang was asked about seeking for the Buddha nature: "It's much
 like riding an ox in search of the ox"
%%
When policy fails try thinking.
 -- American Business Maxim
%%
When politicians claim they will build you a "pie in the sky" --
remember whose dough they will be using.
 -- Lucille J. Goodyear
%%
When politics and religion are intermingled, a people is suffused with a sense
 of invulnerability, and gathering speed in their forward charge, they fail to
 see the cliff ahead of them.
 -- _Dune_, by Frank Herbert
%%
When povertie comes in at doores, love leapes out at
windowes.
 -- John Clark, "Paroemiologia"
%%
When poverty comes in at the door, love flies out at the window.
%%
When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his
limitations.  When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry
reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence.  When
power corrupts, poetry cleanses, for art establishes the basic human
truths which must serve as the touchstone of our judgement.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
When private encryption is outlawed, so is personal freedom.
%%
When professors want your opinion, they'll give it to you.
%%
When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity:
for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when
your boss is away and you get twice as much done.
 -- Daniel B. Luten
%%
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it.
 -- Confucius
%%
When proteup first, thankfully leaving the fuses intact.
 -- Vuilleumier's Fourth Law
%%
When proud-pied April, dress'd in all his trim,
Hath put a spirit of youth in everything.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet xcviii
%%
When punished, watch your steps on the stairs!
%%
When Puns Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Puns
%%
When push comes to shove, you know you are in a garage sale, if there is no
 blue light whizzing around.
%%
When putting it into memory, remember where you put it.
 -- Leo Beiser's First Computer Axiom
%%
When Quinn the Eskimo gets here, everybody's gonna jump for joy.
%%
When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down,
    the most important ones are always illegible.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #45
%%
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important ones
will be illegible.
 -- 2nd LAW OF TESTS
%%
When ribbon grass is pulled up, the sod comes with it.
Each according to his kind.
Undertakings bring good fortune.
%%
When riding my old Harley a ninety per at midnight down the Via Roma in
Naples, I kept one consolation firmly in mind: If anything goes wrong, I'll
never have time to regret it.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When Rush Limbaugh dies, he'll be the Dead Head Dittohead.
%%
When Rush Limbaugh speaks, `nipple' isn't the orifice I think of.
%%
When saving for old age, be sure to put away a few pleasant thoughts.
 -- Proverb
%%
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be
surprised to learn they're not it.
%%
When several reporters share a taxi on an assignment, the
reporter in the front seat pays for all.
 -- Weaver's Law
No matter how many reporters share a taxi, and no matter who
pays, each puts the full fare on his own expense account.
 -- Doyle's Corollary
%%
When sex is good, it's only 2% of a marriage; but when it's bad, it's 98%.
%%
When she had passed, it seemed like the ceasing of exquisite music.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Evangeline, Part i
%%
When she opens her mouth, it's a wonder the little light doesn't come on.
%%
When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.
 -- Henry Miller
%%
When should the children meet the new boy/girlfriend?
%%
When singleness is bliss, it's folly to be wives.
 -- Bill Councelman
%%
When slides are shown in a darkened room,
the instructor will require the students to take notes.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
When smashing monuments, save the pedestals - they always come in handy.
 -- Stanislaw Lec
%%
When Snow White turns on with the dwarfs she probably winds up feeling Dopey.
%%
When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
When some English moralists write about the importance of having
character, they appear to mean only the importance of having a dull
character.
 -- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
When someone points a finger at some part of the code, look somewhere else for
the trouble - most likely where the other three fingers are pointing.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #4
%%
When someone says "I want a programming language in which I
 need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
%%
When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty
 sure he's going to have a go at it anyway.
 -- Clyde B. Aster
%%
When someone tells you they think you are the finest person they have ever
 encountered, it is a fairly safe bet they are a closet something or perhaps
 they lived there.
%%
When some people decide it's time for everyone to make
big changes, it means that they want you to change first.
%%
When some people discover the truth,
they just can't understand why everybody isn't eager to hear it.
%%
When something is wrong with the river, I will not blame the rock.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
When some were saying that if Caesar should march against the city
they could not see what forces there were to resist him, Pompey replied
with a smile, bidding them be in no concern, "for whenever I stamp
my foot in any part of Italy there will rise up forces enough in an
instant, both horse and foot."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Pompey
%%
When somone on trial tells the truth a lawyer objects!
%%
When sorrows come, they come not single spies,
But in battalions.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
When speculation has done its worst, two plus two still equals four.
 -- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
When speed counts, count on the SpeedModem!
%%
When spiders unite they can tie down a lion.
 -- Ethiopian proverb
%%
When spring comes around, I merely write my tailor, send him a small sample
 of dandruff, and tell him to match it exactly.
 -- Oliver Herford
%%
When Spring unlocks the flowers to paint the laughing soil.
 -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826)
 -- Seventh Sunday after Trinity
%%
When standing in the middle of a pasture, if the bull starts to charge,
 know that your credit card will be of absolutely no help whatsoever.
%%
When stars are in the quiet skies,
  Then most I pine for thee;
Bend on me then thy tender eyes,
  As stars look on the sea.
 -- Edward Bulwer Lytton (1805-1873)
 -- When Stars are in the quiet Skies
%%
When starting to calculate why your children went wrong, one of the things
 that always seems to be neglected in such a listing is the important factor
 called heredity.
%%
When's The Revolution?: Millie Tant
%%
When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have
any recourse to any other.
 -- Michael Uhlmann
%%
When subjected to extreme feminine heat and pressure, male hydrocarbons will
 often produce a diamond.
 -- Omni
%%
When subtlety fails us we must make do with cream pies.
 -- David Brin
%%
When taken,
To be well shaken.
 -- George Colman, the Younger (1762-1836)
 -- The Newcastle Apothecary
%%
When talking nonsense try not to be serious.
%%
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
%%
When tempers flare up in the family,
Too great severity brings remorse.
Good fortune nonetheless.
When woman and child dally and laugh,
It leads in the end to humiliation.
%%
When testing the cake with a straw, it is much more easily done if you
 remove the straw from the broom. Do not use the straw from the broom in the
 barn, and if you do not have a barn, do not use the straw from the broom in
 the men's room.
%%
When Thales was asked what was difficult, he said, "To know one's
self." And what was easy, "To advise another."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Thales, ix
%%
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it.
Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back
and said, "Hey, good job."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When the Beatles first came to America, Ringo Starr revealed the secret of
their success:
"We have a press agent."
%%
When the biggest, richest, glassiest buildings in town are the banks, you know
that town's in trouble.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When the bird and the bird book disagree, believe the bird.
%%
When the Black Camel comes for me, I'm not going to go kicking and screaming
 -- I am, however, going to try to talk my way out of it.  No, no, you want
the other Walter Slovotsky.
       Walter Slovotsky, The Warrior Lives by Joel Rosenberg
%%
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
When the blood burns, how prodigal the soul
Lends the tongue vows.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
When the blossom grows white the potatoes are good.
%%
When the body sleeps, the soul is enfolded in One.
 -- Chuang Tzu
%%
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.
%%
When the brisk minor pants for twenty-one.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book i, Line 38
%%
When the budget is tight, spending money to save money is a science.
Spending money to make money is an art.
Not spending money is easy. Just say no."
 -- Bruce McIsaac - Antares Alliance Group
%%
When the camera isolates on a male athlete, he will either spit, pick
or scratch.
 -- WAGNER'S LAW OF SPORTS TV
%%
When the candles are out all women are fair.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Conjugal Precepts
%%
When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal
alien, I got up from my chair and yelled, "What's the matter, no jobs
on Mars?"  When no one laughed, I was real embarrassed.  I don't think
people should make you feel that way.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
When the chips are down, the Buffalo's empty.
%%
When the chips are down, the cow is empty.
%%
When the critics try to analyze the current trend, I just sit back and watch
 them come and go.
 -- Joe Walsh
%%
When the cup is full, carry it even.
%%
When the cup is full, carry it level.
%%
When the customer has beaten upon you long enough, give him
what he asks for, instead of what he needs.  This is very strong
medicine, and is normally only required once.
 -- The Consultant's Curse
%%
When the DM grins, it's all over.
%%
When the dragons grow too mighty
To slay with pen or sword,
I grow weary of the battle
And the storm I walk toward.
When all around is madness
And there's no safe port in view,
I long to turn my path homeward
To stop a while with you.

When life becomes as bare
And as cold as winter skies,
There's a beacon in the darkness,
In a distant pair of eyes.
In vain to search for honor
And in vain to search for truth,
But these things can still be given,
Your love has shown me through.
 -- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
When the dream came, I held my breath with my eyes closed.
I went insane, like a smoke ring day when the wind blows.
%%
When the eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber.
%%
When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me,
it gave witness to me.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxix, 11
%%
When the effective leader is finished with his work, the people say
it happened naturally.
 -- Lao Tse
%%
When the elderly and distinguished scientists rally round the idea, and
 proclaim it as a major scientific breakthrough, it will turn out to be wrong
 after all.
%%
When the end is lawful, the means are also lawful.
 -- Hermann Busenbaum (1600-1668)
%%
When the end of the world arrives, the safest place to be will be in the
 Soviet Union, because in the Soviet Union, everyone lives at least 50 years
 behind the standards everywhere else.
%%
When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.
 -- Billy Sunday
%%
When the fencing team tried to wrap up the tournament,
they kept getting foiled.
%%
  When the fight begins within himself,
A man 's worth something.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- Men and Women, Bishop Blougram's Apology
%%
When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a
thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the
beginning of fairies.
 -- James Matthew Barrie
%%
When the foolkiller comes around, we'd better all
hide in the high grass
%%
When the fox gnaws, smile!
 -- L. Long
%%
When the fun and games are over, the serious foolishness starts.
%%
When the game master smiles, it's already too late
%%
When the gods choose to punish us, they merely answer our prayers.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
When the going gets tough, call a tow truck!
%%
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
 -- Lynch's Law
%%
When the going gets tough, find someone to blame.
%%
When the going gets tough, the going gets tough.
%%
When the going gets tough, the smart get an AR-15. And a shotgun. And...
 -- James P. Callison
%%
When the going gets tough, the smart get lost.
%%
When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough eat lunch.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough get a Glock
 -- James P. Callison
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
 -- Jon Carroll
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough go drinking.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough go grab a beer.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough go party.
 -- Mark A. Kentgen
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough hold meetings.
%%
When the going gets tough, upgrade.
%%
When the going gets tough, you know you're in The Stanley Cup Finals.
%%
When the going gets weird, the weird get weirder.
%%
When the going gets weird, the weird travels.
%%
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro...
 -- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
%%
When the good man yields his breath
(For the good man never dies).
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Wanderer of Switzerland, Part v
%%
When the government attempts to regulate everything, all is lost.
 -- Thibaudeau
%%
When the government bureau's remedies do not match your
problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
 -- Good's Rule for Dealing with Bureaucracies
%%
When the government talks about "raising capital" it means printing it.
That's not very creative, but it's what we're going to do.
 -- Peter F. Drucker
%%
When the gray-hooded Even,
Like a sad votarist in palmer's weed,
Rose from the hindmost wheels of Phoebus' wain.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 188
%%
When the gust hath blown his fill,
Ending on the rustling leaves
With minute drops from off the eaves.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 128
%%
When the head aches, all the members partake of the pain.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap. ii
%%
When the iron is hot, strike.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
When the issue is simple, and everyone understands it,
debate is interminable.
 -- Robert Knowles
%%
When the last reader reads no more.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Last Reader
%%
When the law is against you, argue the facts. When the facts are against
you, argue the law. When both are against you, call the other lawyer names.
(To see this in action, watch L.A. Law)
%%
When the law is on your side, argue the law. When the facts are on your
 side, argue the facts. When neither the facts nor the law are on your side,
 make an ad hominem attack.
 -- Old Adage
%%
When the lights are out, no one can see you elbow Leetch.
%%
When the lights are out, no one can see you hip-check Quaker Oates.
%%
When the lights are out, no one can see you slash him with your stick.
%%
When the lights are out, no one can see you slash Kneeless.
%%
When the lights are out, no one can see you trip Messier.
%%
When the lights are out, she's nice-looking.
%%
When the liquor 's out, why clink the cannikin?
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Flight of the Duchess, xvi
%%
When the lord said "Let the Earth Bring Forth Grass" -- He did not
mean football parks.
%%
When the military man approaches, the world locks up its spoons and packs off
its womankind.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
When the mind withdraws into itself and dispenses with facts it makes
only chaos.
 -- Edith Hamilton (1867-1963)
%%
When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had
the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened
them we had the Bible and they had the land.
 -- Bishop Desmond Tutu
%%
When the moon is in a sloppy house, and Jupiter spills beer on Mars.
%%
When the music business changed so drastically in the late sixties and rock
 began happening in such a big way, I went to Count Basie and said, "It's a
 complete takeover. What should I do?" Basie waited a beat, looked up at me
 with those big eyes of his, and said, "Why change an apple?"
 -- Tony Bennett
%%
When the music played, I heard the sound I had to follow!
%%
When the need arises -- and it does -- you must be able to shoot your
own dog. Don't farm it out -- that doesn't make it nicer, it makes it
worse.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies,
the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a
nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.
 -- Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac
%%
'When the night is dark
  And the dogs go...bark
 When the clouds are black
  And the ducks go...quack
 When the sky is blue
  And the cows go...mooo
 Think of lovely Queenie
  She'll be thinking of you.
 -- Queenie to Edmund : Potato
%%
When the night's darkest, the dawn's nearest.
 -- Proverb
%%
When the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as if
 it were a nail.
 -- Abraham Maslow
%%
When the perfect order prevails,
the world is like a home shared by all.
 -- Confucius (born 551 B.C.)
%%
When the personality of a human is involved, exact predictions are
hazardous.
 -- McCoy, "The Lights of Zetar," stardate 5725.6
%%
When the philosopher's argument becomes tedious, complicated, and opaque, it
is usually a sign that he is attempting to prove as true to the intellect what
is plainly false to common sense. But men of intellect will believe anything--
if it appeals to their ego, their vanity, their sense of self-importance.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When the plane you are on is late,
the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
 -- Node's Postulate for Travellers
%%
When the polls are in your favor, flaunt them.
%%
When the polls are too close to call, be surprised at your own strength.
%%
When the President does it, that means it's not illegal.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon, in interview with David Frost, 19 May 1977
%%
When the prick stands up, the brains get buried in the ground.
 -- Old Jewish saying
%%
When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform
perfectly.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
When the prototype has been fully assembled according to lab instructions,
 a minimum of 11 components are left.
 -- Vuilleumier's Seventh Law
%%
When the radio mentions a landslide, cross your fingers and hope it is
talking about an election.
%%
When there appears to be more than one possible solution to a
 problem, the simplest is most likely to be correct.
%%
When there appears to be no hope; when all around you are screaming like
lost souls and every spell you try fails to work; when it appears that chaos
and evil will at last triumph over good -- then it is truly time for a
vacation.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXXV
%%
When there are sufficient funds in the bank account, cheques
take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds,
cheques clear overnight.
 -- Gerard's Law
%%
When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is
to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
 -- Avery
%%
When there is an old maid in the house, a watch dog is unnecessary.
 -- Balzac
%%
When there is a public outcry to cut deadwood and fat from any
government bureaucracy, it is the deadwood and the fat that do
the cutting, and the public's services are cut.
 -- Magary's Principle
%%
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge
placed at random and there are two cars only on that road, it follows
that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions and (2) they
will always meet at the bridge.
 -- B. D. Firstbrook
%%
When there is food in the villages, and not in the cities, that is left
 wing deviationism. When there is food in the cities but not in the
 villages, that is right wing deviationism. When there is food in the cities
 and food in the villages, that is capitalist propaganda.
%%
When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
 -- African proverb
%%
When the revolution comes, count your change.
%%
When the revolution comes, I will be shot by both sides.
%%
When the ribbon grass is pulled up, the sod comes with it.
Each according to his kind.
Perseverance brings good fortune and success.
%%
When the rich make war it's the poor that die.
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980), "Le Diable et le bon Dieu", 1951
%%
When the righteous man turneth away from his righteousness that he hath
committed and doeth that which is neither quite lawful nor quite right,
he generally be found to have gained in amiability what he has lost in
holiness.
 -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
When the roll is called up yonder, people who have paid their Book of the
 Month bills on time will receive preferential treatment. However, your mail
 will still come late, except for bills which will arrive the day after they
 were mailed, even if from Kabul!
%%
When the rowing gets rough start up your outboard motor.
%%
When the scourge
Inexorable and the torturing hour
Call us to penance.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 90
%%
When the ship lifts, all bills are paid.  No regrets.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
When the situation is desperate, it is too late to be serious. Be playful.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When the skie falth we shall have Larkes.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iv
%%
When the solution is simple, God is answering.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
 -- Voltaire
%%
When the steede is stolne, shut the stable durre.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. x
%%
When the stormy winds do blow.
 -- Martyn Parker (c. 1600-1656)
 -- Song
%%
When the stormy winds do blow;
When the battle rages loud and long,
And the stormy winds do blow.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Ye Mariners of England
%%
When the strike of a hawk breaks the body of its prey, it is because of
timing.
 -- Sun Tzu
%%
When the sun beats down and I lie on the bench, I can always hear them talk,
Me, I'm just a lawnmower... you can tell me by the way I walk.
%%
When the sunne shineth, make hay.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
When the surgeon came to see her on the morning after her
operation, the young woman asked her somewhat hesitantly how long it
would be before she could resume her sex life.  I really haven't
thought about it, gulped the stunned surgeon.    You're the first
patient who's asked me that after a tonsillectomy!
%%
When the thunderclap comes, there is no time to cover the ears.
 -- Sun Tzu
%%
When the tides of life turn against you,
 And the current upsets your boat,
 Don't waste those tears on what might have been;
 Just lay on your back and float.
 -- Art Carney (as Ed Norton in The Honeymooners)
%%
When the Time Lords find him, he'll wish you had killed him.
 -- War Lord, The War Games
%%
When the tree is fallen [down], every man goes to it with his hatchet.
 -- Proverb
%%
When the Universe was not so out of whack as it is today, and all the
stars were lined up in their proper places, you could easily count them
from left to right, or top to bottom, and the larger and bluer ones
were set apart, and the smaller yellowing types pushed off to the
corners as bodies of a lower grade ...
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
When the values of the good old days are being hoisted for all to see and
 hear, it is seldom that the electronic calculator that weighed in at 7
 pounds and cost $ 270 gets mentioned.
%%
When the way comes to an end, then change - having changed, you
pass through.
 -- I Ching
%%
When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
 -- Donald Douglas
%%
When the well is dry, we know the worth of oil.
 -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
When the whispering starts--it's death, I tell you.   Death!
 -- Darrius, THE KEYS OF MARINUS
%%
When the wind blows, worship its roar.
 -- Pythagoras
%%
When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
%%
When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw.
%%
When the wine goes in, the secrets come out.
%%
When the wine is in, the wit is out.
%%
When the witch said Abradacabra, nothing happened.
She's a hopeless speller.
 -- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
When the working day is done,
o-oh, girls just wanna have fun.
%%
When the world dangles something that
glitters in front of you, it AIN'T gold.
 -- Lon Solomon
%%
When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the
same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
When the world needs an enema...the tube will planted in America.
%%
When the writer becomes the center of his
 attention, he becomes a nudnik.  And a nudnik who
 believes he's profound is even worse than just a
 plain nudnik.
 -- Isaac Bashevis Singer
%%
When the writer has done his best, he then should proceed to do his second
best.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
When they are at Rome, they do there as they see done.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 2, Subsect. 1
%%
When they begin the overture, they start to end the show.
%%
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know
 whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
 -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
When they come for the innocent without crossing over your body,
cursed be your religion and your life
 -- Brendan Walsh
%%
When they finally do have to take you to the hospital,
your underwear won't be clean or new.
 -- Mom's Law
%%
When they said Canada, I thought it would be up in the mountains
somewhere.
 -- Marilyn Monroe
%%
When they talk about taxing the rich, they're really talking about
taxing the working men and women of this country.
 -- President George Bush
%%
When they took the fourth amendment, I was silent because I don't
deal drugs.  When they took the sixth amendment, I kept quiet because
I know I'm innocent.  When they took the second amendment, I said
nothing because I don't own a gun.  Now they've come for the first
amendment, and I can't say anything at all.
 -- Tim Freeman
%%
     When they turn the pages of history
       When these days have passed long ago,
      Will they read of us with sadness
      For the seeds that we let grow?
 -- Rush, A Farewell to Kings
%%
When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.
 -- John K. Meskimen
%%
When things are at their darkest, pal, it's a great man who can kick back
 and party.
 -- Olin Shivers
%%
When things are blackest, I just tell myself, "Cheer up, things could be
worse!" And sure enough, they get worse!
 -- Skeeve
%%
When things are going well, someone will experiment detrimentally.
 -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
 -- Chisholm's Second Law
1. When things just can't get any worse, they will.
2. Anytime things appear to be going better, you have
overlooked something.
 -- Corollaries
%%
When things don't go well they like to blame Presidents; and that's
something that Presidents are paid for.
 -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
When things go well, expect something to
explode, erode, collapse or just disappear.
%%
When things go wrong somewhere, they're apt to be wrong everywhere.
 -- Vermont Royster
%%
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
 -- Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law
%%
When things look dark, hold your head high so it can rain up your nose.
%%
When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I
 said, "I like mayonnaise."  She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder.
 Then she left.  I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
    When this grey world crumbles like a cake / I'll be
hanging from the hope / That I'll never see that recipe again.
 -- They Might Be Giants
 -- It's Not My Birthday
%%
When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. liv
%%
When thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 3
%%
When three people journey together,
Their number decreases by one.
When one man journeys alone,
He finds a companion.
%%
When thus the heart is in a vein
Of tender thought, the simplest strain
Can touch it with peculiar power.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Evenings in Greece, First Evening
%%
When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers therefore are
the founders of human civilization.
 -- Daniel Webster (1782-1852)
 -- Remarks on Agriculture, Jan 13, 1840, p. 457
%%
When time permits, your personal life will be exciting.
%%
When time's running out and you're just shy of a goal..pull the goalie!
%%
When Time who steals our years away
  Shall steal our pleasures too,
The mem'ry of the past will stay,
  And half our joys renew.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Song, From Juvenile Poems
%%
When told about Quayle's comments on Murphy Brown, a senior Bush
campaign official replied only 'Oh, dear.'  Bush's top aid said, 'The
world is a lot more complex than Dan would like to believe'
%%
(when told a script was full of old cliches)
Let's have some new cliches.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
When told he was making more per year than the President,
Babe Ruth replied, "Well, I had a better year than he did."
%%
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with the old woes new wail my dear time's waste.
[...]
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restor'd, and sorrows end.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 30"
%%
    When traveling, the sages say, one must always be prepared to accept local
customs. Yet there are areas of this very kingdom where one might find it
customary to tax a wizard into poverty; to insist a wizard should not be paid,
for magic exists only for the common good; or even to tar and feather a wizard
unsuccessful at his task. Contrary to the sages, when one is traveling in these
areas, one should be prepared to avoid local customs altogether.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. VI
%%
When traveling with a herd of elephants,
don't be the first to lie down and rest.
 -- McEwan's Rule of Relative Importance
%%
When traveling with children on one's holidays, at least one child of
any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly half way
between any two given rest rooms.
 -- Mervyn Cripps
%%
When travelling overseas, the exchange rate improves
markedly the day after one has purchased foreign currency.
 -- Angus' Exchange Axiom
Upon returning home, the rate drops again as soon as one has
converted all unused foreign currency.
 -- Corollary
%%
When true hearts lie wither'd
  And fond ones are flown,
Oh, who would inhabit
  This bleak world alone?
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Last Rose of Summer
%%
When truth entails tremendous ruin, lies are pardoned.
%%
When turkeys mate, they think of swans.
 -- Johnny Carson
%%
When twilight dews are falling soft
  Upon the rosy sea, love,
I watch the star whose beam so oft
  Has lighted me to thee, love.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- When Twilight Dews
%%
When two divorced people marry, four get into bed.
%%
When two do the same thing, it is not the same thing after all.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 338
%%
When two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.
 -- East African Proverb
%%
When two goats met on a bridge which was to narrow to allow either to
pass or return, the goat which lay down that the other might walk over
it was a finer gentleman than Lord Chesterfield.
 -- Cecil
%%
When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.
 -- William Wrigley, Jr.
%%
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most
 insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are
 required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and
 exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money,
fraud will result.
 -- Herman Gross
%%
  When two tigers fight, one is certain to be maimed, and one to die.
 -- Master Funakoshi
%%
When using PCs, ALWAYS anticipate problems.
%%
When Vice President Quayle was asked about his opinion on ethics, he said
 that every community should have some. If it would help the economy, he is
 willing to help some facility of this nature relocate.
%%
When vice prevails, and impious men bear sway,
The post of honour is a private station.
 -- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
 -- Cato, Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
When voting on appropriations bills, more is not necessarily better.  It
is as wasteful to have a B-1 bomber in every garage as it is to have a
welfare program for every conceivable form of deprivation.
 -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
When Voyager 2 visited Neptune it saw a small irregular white cloud
that zips around Neptune every 16 hours or so now known as "The Scooter".
%%
When was the last time you were drunk?
%%
When was the last time you were sober?
%%
When was your last 40 second orgasm???  SKYDIVE!!
%%
When water freezes you can walk on it.
That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
%%
When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we
were before.
 -- Blaise Pascal
%%
When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is
not hereditary.
 -- Thomas Paine "Common Sense"
%%
When we are right we can afford to keep our tempers.
When we are wrong, we can't afford not to.
%%
When we are young
Wandering the face of the Earth
Wondering what our dreams might be worth
Learning that we're only immortal --
For a limited time
 -- Dreamline, Rush
%%
When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
 -- Marquis de LaGrange
%%
When we call others dogmatic, what we really object to is their holding
dogmas that are different from our own.
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
When we cannot act as we wish, we must act as we can.
 -- Terrence
%%
When we can't be accurate
 it is best to be quiet :-(
%%
When we can't dream any longer we die.
 -- Emma Goldman
%%
When we can't dream the time for death has arrived.
%%
When we contemplate the whole globe as one great dewdrop, striped and
dotted with continents and islands, flying through space with all other
stars all singing and shining together as one, the whole universe appears
as an infinite storm of beauty.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
When we desire to confine our words, we commonly say they are spoken
under the rose.
 -- Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682)
 -- Vulgar Errors
%%
When we got into the office the thing that surprised me the most was
that things were as bad as we'd been saying.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
When we have put off for a good long while deciding, It must give us pause.
 Therein is the respect that contains the calamity of delay.
%%
When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't
find anyone.  Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major,
three captains, two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the
bridge.  Never in the history of war have so few been led by so many.
 -- General James Gavin
%%
When we lose, I eat. When we win, I eat. I also eat when we're rained out.
 -- Tommy Lasorda
%%
When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free.
 -- Charles Evans Hughes (1862-1948), US Supreme Court Chief Justice,
 -- Opinion, June 17, 1925
%%
When we mean to build,
We first survey the plot, then draw the model;
And when we see the figure of the house,
Then must we rate the cost of the erection.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
When we put our best foot forward, the other one had better be good
enough to stand on.
 -- Cullen Hightower, "Quote Magazine"
%%
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life
stands explained.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park!
 -- T. Lehrer
%%
When we return, our contestants will be placed in Final Jeopardy.
%%
When we sat by the fleshpots.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Exodus xvi, 3
%%
When we say 'hike out', we mean *HIKE* *OUT*.
%%
When we say something happened by chance, we really mean we don't know what
caused it.
%%
When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them;
when we see persons of a contrary character,
we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.
 -- Confucius
%%
When we talk about property, state, masters, government, laws, courts,
and police, we say only that we don't want any of them.
%%
When we talk of tomorrow, the gods laugh.
%%
When we think, life thinks.
%%
When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is;  when we
treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make
him what he should be.
 -- Johann Goethe
%%
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to
everything else in the Universe.
 -- My First Summer in the Sierra , 1911, page 110.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
  -- Muir's Law
%%
When we two parted
  In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted,
  To sever for years.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- When we Two parted
%%
When we understand knowledge-based systems, it will be as before --
except our fingertips will have been singed.
 -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.
%%
When willie talks, see if her lips move.
%%
"When will I learn?  The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a
bottle.  THEY'RE ON TV!"
 -- Homer in "There's No Disgrace Like Home", from The Simpsons
%%
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
%%
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
 -- H. L. Mencken
%%
When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when
they do not love us, they give us credit fot nothing, not even out
virtues.
 -- Honore de Balzac
%%
When wool sweaters are worn, classroom temperatures are 95 degrees
Fahrenheit.
 -- M. M. Johnston
%%
When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
%%
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain
you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
%%
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always
helps if you know the answer.
 -- Rule of Accuracy
%%
When writing a text, it will always be N+1 words long, where N is
the line break.
 -- Yoshi's 81 Characters Per Line Law
%%
When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
 -- John F. Kennedy
%%
When Yahweh your gods has settled you in the land you're about to
occupy, and driven out many infidels before you...you're to cut them
down and exterminate them.  You're to make no compromise with them or
show them any mercy.
 -- Deut. 7:1 (KJV)
%%
When you appeal to force, there's one thing you must never do - lose.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you
find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you
is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people
looking at it.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.
%%
When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of
investigation of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand,
so that you can proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or
swayed, directly to the goal.
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
When you are aspiring to the highest place, it is honorable to reach the
second or even the third rank.
 -- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
When you are at Rome live in the Roman style;
when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.
 -- St. Ambrose
%%
When you are down and out, all too often the thing that turns up is the
 noses of your former friends.
%%
When you are down, there is only one way to go ... up.
 -- Gordon Wong
%%
When you are in a high place, do you get the urge to spit?
%%
When you are looking for something interesting to read, why not try this
 one for size: "The History of Arabic Trade in Walrus Ivory and a Century of
 Price Indexing of Same."
%%
When you are out of quality you are out of business.
%%
When you are out of your body, are you naked? ...
%%
When you are ready to reply to a letter, you will
lack at least one of the following:
(a)  A pen or pencil or typewriter.
(b)  Stationery.
(c)  Postage stamp.
(d)  The letter you are answering.
 -- The Hale Mail Rule
%%
When you are right be logical, when you are wrong be-fuddle.
 -- Gerard E. McKenna
%%
When you are sure you're right, you have a moral duty to impose your
will upon anyone who disagrees with you.
 -- Robert W. Mayer
%%
When you arrive at your campsite, it is full.
 -- Milt Barber
%%
When you asked me to live in sin with you, I didn't know you meant sloth.
%%
When you ask for a ballpark estimate on the cost of repairing the car, it
 is a bad omen when the mechanic falls to the floor in hysterical laughter.
%%
When you BARELY have time to call the very best!
%%
When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself
Americanized.
%%
When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself.
 -- Isaac Bashevis Singer
%%
When you break into a man's office, you should always make it a point to
 steal something.
 -- Jack Lord (as Steve McGarrett in Hawaii Five-0)
%%
When you breathe you inspire. When you don't breathe you expire.
%%
When you buy peace at any price it is always on the installment plan for
 another war.
 -- Richard M. Nixon, January 29, 1966
%%
When you call a cat it says "Put it in writing and I'll get back to ya".
%%
When you call home and get a busy signal, at least you are aware of where
 one of your children is at the time.
%%
When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses
of action you should take -- choose the bolder.
 -- W. J. Slim
%%
When you can't breathe through your nose, tomorrow seems strangely like the
 day before yesterday.
 -- E. B. White
%%
When you can't do anything else to a boy,
you can make him wash his face.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
When you can't get what you want, cry
 -- Jane Fonda
%%
When you care enough to send the very best, send MONEY!
%%
When you come right down to it, all you have is your self. Your self is a
sun with a thousand rays in your belly. The rest is nothing.
 -- Pablo Picasso
%%
When you comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable, your chances
 of going to heaven improve.
%%
When you control a man's information sources, you control his mind.
%%
When you cross an elephant with a mouse you then have a solid basis for a
 steroid investigation.
%%
When you deal with the insane, always pretend you're sane.
%%
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
 -- Kovak's Conundrum
%%
When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about
 your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is
 just to say, "No speaka English."
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own.
%%
When you discover you are dead, avoid driving a car.
%%
When you divide people into us and them, you automatically become on
   one of them.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
%%
When you do attain perfection, you will also acquire that feeling of being
 lost in unfamiliar territory.
%%
When you do dance, I wish you
A wave o' the sea,
Nothing but that.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Winter's Tale
 -- Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
When you don't have an education, you've got to use your brains.
%%
When you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money,
 it's sex. When you have both, it's health. If everything is simply jake,
 then you're frightened of death.
 -- J. P. Donleavy
%%
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
 -- Ground Rule for Laboratory Workers
%%
When you don't know where you're going, any gust of wind will get you
there.
 -- Conservative columnist George F. Will, on George Bush's foreign policy
%%
When you don't talk, things get awfully quiet.
 -- Martha Hartly
%%
When you don't want to do something, a meeting is indispensible as the most
 efficient tool to accomplish your goal.
%%
When you do things right, nobody will be there to see it.
 -- Togg's Law of Absence
%%
When you doubt, abstain.
 -- Zoroaster
%%
When you drink the water, remember the spring.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
When you drop change at a vending machine the small change
will fall nearby while all other coins will roll out of
sight.
 -- Rush's Rule of Gravity
%%
When you finally discover all of Life's answers, they'll change the questions.
%%
When you find anything that works, it usually fails.
%%
When you find that flowers and shrubs will not endure a certain
atmosphere, it is a very significant hint to the human creature to
remove out of that neighborhood.
 -- Mayhew
%%
When you find true fellowship, welcome it and keep it sacred.
%%
When you find yourself in danger, when you're threatened by a stranger,
 when it looks like you will take a lickin'...
 There is one thing you should learn,
 when there is no one else to turn to,
 caaaall for Super Chicken     (**bwuck-bwuck-bwuck-bwuck**)
 caaaall for Super Chicken !!
%%
When you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to
stop and  reconsider.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
When you find yourself shouting at the top of your lungs, remember this:
The noisy thunder strikes nothing the silent lightening strikes.
%%
When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is
 wrapping it too tight.  You have to allow the head to breathe.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When you fly, you will be seated next to one of the following types: a
greasy salesman on the make; a fat guy who takes up too much room and
sweats a lot; a Helen Hayes lookalike who sleeps on your shoulder; a kid
with a battery-powered toy machine gun.
%%
When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not
have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door
for anyone else.
 -- Joseph Campbell
%%
When you get into conflict, and regional conflicts, I mean, you have to
have certain goals, and a goal cannot be really a no-win situation.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle attempting to explain his military
                   service during the Vietnam war.
                   (reported in the Washington Post, 9/6/88)
%%
When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things
 aren't as good as they used to be." But it's hard not to.
 -- Andy Rooney
%%
When you get past fifty, you have to decide whether to keep your face or
 your figure. I kept my face.
 -- Barbara Cartland
%%
When you get right down to it, in the long run a short cut seldom is.
%%
When you get right down to it, it is usually something you would not have
 gotten right down to if you had known beforehand what you were going to get
 right down to when you got right down to it.
%%
When you get to be the age of George Burns,
 it is unwise to buy green bananas!
%%
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer system it's
probably obsolete.
%%
When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
When you give up your dreams you die.
%%
When you go far enough, you'll meet yourself.
%%
When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that
 really annoys me.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is
if they ever press charges.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When you go into the professional world, at a stock theater somewhere,
 backstage you will meet an older actor--someone who has been around awhile.
 He will tell you tales and anecdotes about life in the theater. He will
 speak to you about your performance and the performances of others, and he
 will generalize to you, based on his experience and his intuitions, about
 the laws of the stage. Ignore this man.
 -- Sanford Meisner
%%
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
%%
When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a Beer.
%%
When you go to a beer, <hic> you can always pick up a bar <hic>.
%%
When you go to a mind reader, do you get half price?
 -- Ben Creed
%%
When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the
 drinks are free.  Ask, and ask often.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
When you go to buy something, use your eyes and your mind, not just your
 ears! A person who buys by ear does not buy much for long.
%%
When you got to a bar, you can pick up a beer.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
When you have achieved the ability to reach a new low in the composition of
 corny lyrics often repeated with simpering sentimentality and based on a
 truly stupid unworkable phiolosophy and you can support this with some of
 the most god-awful totally uninspired melody, you may have a hit that will
 last all of six weeks - and today - this is an artistic achievement!
%%
When you have a lot of things to do, first things first, get your nap out
 of the way before all else.
%%
When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
 -- Harry S. Truman, 1959
%%
When you have a number of disagreeable duties to perform,
always do the most disagreeable first.
 -- Josiah Quincy
%%
When you have been put out to pasture, the grass on the other side of the
 fence always looks greener, no matter where they put the fence.
%%
When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun.  And when you
have fun, you can do amazing things,
 -- Joe Namath
%%
When you have eliminated the impossible, what remains is unacceptable!
%%
When you have finished your daily toil, go to bed and sleep in peace.
God is still awake.
 -- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
When you have given nothing, ask for nothing.
 -- Albanian Proverb
%%
When you have had all that you can take, put the rest back.
%%
When you have intercourse with another student in the class,
you not only distract them, you distract me.
 -- John Dann, Systems Software lecture
%%
When you have money, it is amazing how many relatives you suddenly have.
%%
When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
 -- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
%%
When you have only two pennies left in the world,
buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
When you have read the Bible, you will know it is the word of God, because
you will have found it the key to your own heart, your own happiness, and
your own duty.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #19
%%
When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure
clarified your attitude toward him.  You have given a definite answer
to a definite problem.For better or worse you have acted decisively.
In a way, the next move is up to him.
 -- Raphael Aloysius Lafferty
%%
When you have shut your doors, and darkened your room, remember never
to say that you are alone, for you are not alone; but God is within,
and your genius is within,--and what need have they of light to see
what you are doing?
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xiv
%%
When you have sick leave coming and the weather is ideal, it is most
 difficult to feel good when you feel bad.
%%
When you have sour cream every problem looks like a potato.
%%
When you have spoken the word, it reigns over you.
When it is unspoken, you reign over it.
%%
When you have sufficient supplies and ammo, the emeny takes 2 weeks to
    attack.  When you are low on supplies and ammo, the enemy decides to
    attack that night.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #51
%%
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
%%
When you have told anyone you have left him a legacy, the only decent thing
 to do is die at once.
 -- Samuel Butler
%%
When you have to make a choice and don't make it,
that in itself is a choice.
 -- William James
%%
When you heat with wood, you get warm twice: the first time when you
chop it, and then again when you stack it.
%%
When you help someone up a hill you get nearer the top yourself.
%%
When you hire people who are smarter than you are, you prove you are
 smarter than they are.
 -- R. H. Grant
%%
When you jump for joy, beware that no one
moves the ground from beneath your feet.
 -- Stanislaw Lem
%%
When you just can't take it anymore, rm -rf
%%
When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by
 asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't
 know the answer either.
 -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
When you know, you know; when you don't know, admit it.
%%
When you leave college, you face a severe adjustment, from senior status to
 freshman in the job market.
%%
When you leave New York you're camping out.
 -- Jackie Gleason
%%
When you lend something to a friend, you do not necessarily do that friend
 a favor for the friend has a damaged memormy and experiences some
 difficulty remembering the terms of the contract. Ultimately, you have
 harmed the memory of the friend.
%%
When you listen to fools, the MOB rules!
%%
When you live in a sick society, just about everything you do is wrong.
%%
When you look into the eyes of friends, there is a feeling in your
heart that will never end.
 -- The Monkees
%%
When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.
 -- Erma Bombeck
%%
When you love someone all your saved wishes start coming out.
 -- Elizabeth Bowen
%%
When you make as many speeches and you talk as much as I do and you get away
from the text, it's always a possibility to get a few words tangled here and
there.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle defending himself
                   (LA Herald Examiner 10/3/88)
%%
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
 -- The Wall Street Journal
%%
  When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
 -- Flugg's Law
%%
When you need towns, they are very far apart.
 -- John Steinbeck (1902-1968)
%%
When you next look at a cow eating some grass, pause a little longer and
 recall that science has not yet come up with a good response as to how
 grass is turned into milk.
%%
When you outlaw rights, only outlaws will have rights.
%%
When you pass the buck, don't ask for change.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
When you pass up that third helping of Apple Pie, it is a sign that you are
 beginning to take your diet seriously!
%%
When you point your finger cause your plans fell through you've got
 three more fingers pointing back at you.
 -- Mark Knopfler
%%
When you pour, it rains.
 -- Byrne's Law of Concreting
%%
When you probe unseen places use protection.
%%
When you pull a plastic garbage bag from its handy dispenser package,
 you always get hold of the closed end and try to pull it open.
 -- Poorman's Rule
%%
When your argument is weak tell the 'BIG LIE'.
%%
When your Beer goes flat, you throw it out.
%%
 When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
 content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
 -- Rule of Feline Frustration
%%
When your computer has a virus, DON'T use chicken soup.
%%
When your conscious becomes unconscious, you are drunk.
 When your unconscious becomes conscious, you are stoned.
%%
When you're 10 points behind and the polls open in a few hours, there's
not a hell of a lot you can do.
 -- Jody Powell
%%
When you're a child, you pledge allegiance to the flag.   When you grow up,
 you swear to uphold the Constitution.  Compare and contrast to the
 President's current actions.
 -- Larry Wake (lkw@csun.edu)
%%
When you read a classic you do not see in the book more than you did before.
You see more in you than there was before.
 -- Clifton Fadiman, "Any Number Can Play", 1957
%%
When you're a god, you don't have to have reasons.
%%
When you're an anvil, hold you still; when you're a hammer, strike your
 fill.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
When you're around it all the time, you don't notice it so much.
 -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
When you're asked if you need help to understand a computer program say "no"
then negotiate.
%%
When you're away, I'm restless, lonely,
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
Here's the rub, my darling dear
I feel the same when you are near.
 -- Samuel Hoffenstein, When You're Away
%%
When you're born, a big chance was taken for you.
%%
When you're dating you're so insecure. My last relationship, I was always
 there for her and she dumped me. I told her about it. I said, "Remember
 when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of
 school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!" She
 said, "I know--you're bad luck."
 -- Tom Arnold
%%
When you're dining out and you suspect something's wrong,
you're probably right.
%%
When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit  the ground.
 -- Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
%%
When you're in command, command.
 -- Admiral Nimitz
%%
When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
%%
When you're interrupted by a Beer, it's for a good reason.
%%
When you're leading, don't talk.
 -- Thomas E. Dewey
%%
When you're lo-oo-oony then you just don't give a fig
 Man's so pu-uu-uuny and the universe so big-
 If you hurt inside, get certified, and if life should treat you bad

 Don't get ee-ee-eeven
 Don't get ee-ee-eeven
 Don't get ee-ee-eeven
 Get MAD!
 -- The Joker, Batman: The Killing Joke
%%
When you're mining, you mine for the gold, not the dirt.
%%
When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
%%
When you're not looking at it this sentence is in Spanish.
 -- Hofstadter
%%
When you're on a sleeper at night, take your pocketbook and put it in a
 sock under your pillow. That way, the next morning you won't forget your
 pocketbook 'cause you'll be looking for your sock.
 -- Ping Bodie
%%
When you're out of COORS, tough SCHLITZ!
%%
When you're ready to give up the struggle, who can you surrender to?
%%
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your
 elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
%%
When you're swimmin' in the creek
 And an eel bites your cheek
 That's a moray!
 -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
%%
When you're through with a beer, you can always throw it away.
%%
When you're up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to keep your
mind on the fact that your primary objective is to drain the swamp.
%%
When you're up to your ass in tribbles, it's hard to
remember that the objective was to poison the grain.
%%
When you're up to your hips in alligators,
 You forget the original project was to drain the swamp.
%%
When you're up to your nose in shit, keep your mouth shut.
 -- Jack Beauregard
%%
When you're young, try to be realistic; as you get older, become idealistic.
 You'll live longer.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
%%
When your host serves a delicacy, like compressed hummingbird's tongue, it
 is definitely considered gauche to eat the morsel with your fingers.
%%
When your IQ hits 21, SELL!!
%%
When your life flashes before you, do you think that includes every trip
 you made to the bank?
 -- Carol Leifer
%%
When your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn
They will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem.
 -- Leonard Cohen, "Sisters of Mercy"
%%
When your LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.
%%
When your opponent is down, kick him.
 -- John Cameron
%%
When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one
 thing to do: kick over the table.
 -- Dean Martin
%%
When your son brings the car home with a full tank of gas, you must wonder
 about what he was doing when he was parked so long.
%%
When you run out of time you run out of everything.
%%
When your work speaks for itself, it is very wise to remain silent and not
 interrupt!
 -- Henry J. Kaiser
%%
When your work SPEAKS for itself ... run.
%%
When you said ``HEAVILY FORESTED'' it reminded me of an overdue
 CLEANING BILL..  Don't you SEE?  O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE
 COIN COLLECTION and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
When you save for a long time to buy something,
 then you find that you can't afford it - that's inflation.
%%
When you say `hill', the Queen interrupted, I could show you hills,
 in comparison, with which you'd call that a valley.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
When you say `I wrote a program that crashed Windows', people just stare at
you blankly and say `Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*.'
 -- Linus Torvalds
%%
When you say that you agree to a thing in principle you mean that
you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
 -- Bismarck
%%
When you see a situation you cannot understand,
 look for the financial interest.
%%
When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.
%%
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work
 for a living.
 -- Helen Rowland
%%
When you sit with a nice girl for two hours,
you think it is only a minute.
But, when you sit on a hot stove for a minute,
you think it is two hours.
That's relativity.
 -- attributed to Albert Einstein
%%
"When you slithered out of your hole that day, and you spewed your venom all
over this defenseless 12-year-old girl, you made this court's top 10 hit list.
In a way, the best sentence this court could give would be no sentence at all,
because if you left this courtroom I don't think you would be alive 10
minutes. You are nothing but a weed, a weed among wheat...And when we have a
weed, it's my job to eradicate the weed, because if you don't you will choke
the wheat. Therefore, I'm going to take you off the streets for just as long
as I possibly can. It means you aren't even eligible for parole until you're
92. That leaves only one more count, aggravated robbery. ..You stole this
little girl's bra as a souvenir, probably to brag about it to your friends
later on. Well, I'm going to give you a souvenir of Trumbull County justice.
And that is, you will receive a maximum sentence of 10 to 25 on the aggravated
robbery for the stealing of that bra. And I hope that if you last 25 years in
prison that you remember that souvenir.

"Get this scum out of here!"
 -- A sentence passed by Judge W. Wyatt McKay of Trumbull County, Ohio
%%
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
%%
When you speak to a man, look on his eyes; when he speaks to thee, look on
 his mouth.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
When you speak to others for their own good it's advice;
when they speak to you for your own good it's interference.
%%
   When you start talking about sleaze, I think some in the media ought to
look in the mirror. Now what's the motivation of this? I can't think of
any other motivating factor other than you want to hurt the President and
help Bill Clinton.
   There's good journalism and there's bad journalism. And I want to say
something to you good journalists. You are being overwhelmed by the bad
journalism and the bad journalists of America.
   Good journalism is taking a rumor, taking gossip and going out and
investigating it and finding out if it's true, and if there's any credibility
at all.  And when you find something like this that was investigated and
was totally false, you don't print it.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a news conference in
                   Huntington Beach, CA, defending George Bush against
                   charges of marital infidelity.
                   (reported in the NY Times 8/13/92)
%%
When you start to think that life is tough and you've got it hard, stop,
 reflect on being a deckhand on Noah's ark.
%%
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
 -- Griffin's Thought
%%
When you stay on the tracks, ignoring the facts, you can't blame
the wreck on the train.
 -- from the song, "You Can't Blame . . "
%%
When you stick your fingers in the mains, its not the imaginary component
which you will feel.
 -- From an EIST lecturer
%%
When you stop doing you want to do, they will bury you.
%%
When you stop talking, you've lost your customer. When you turn your back,
 you've lost her.
 -- Estee Lauder
%%
When you stretch the truth, beware of the snap back.
%%
When you strike a child, take care that you strike it in anger, even at the
 risk of maiming it for life. A blow in cold blood neither can nor should be
 forgiven.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your trouser mouse.
%%
When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism;
but when you take it from many writers, it's research.
 -- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
%%
When you talk to the half-wise, twaddle; when you talk to the ignorant,
 brag; when you talk to the sagacious, look very humble and ask their
 opinion.
 -- Edward Bulwer-Lytton
%%
When you think you're going down for the third time --
just remember that you may have counted wrong.
 -- Peterson's Admonition
%%
When you throw dirt, you lose ground.
 -- Steve Sloan, former Texas Tech University football coach
%%
When you transcend the medium, you have achieved art.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
When you try to make an impression, the chances are that
 that is the impression you will make.
%%
When you use your brain it's a violation of the child-labor law.
 -- Joe E. Lewis
%%
When you've got no choice, be brave.
%%
When you've got over the disgrace of the single life, it's more airy.
%%
 When you've got them by the balls, their hearts
 and minds will follow.
 -- Colson's Law
%%
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
%%
When you vote in `92 remember: Saddam has a job, How about you?
%%
When you wake up in the morning, Pooh, said Piglet at last,
 what's the first thing you say to yourself?
 What's for breakfast? said Pooh. What do you say, Piglet?
 I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today? said Piglet.
 Pooh nodded thoughtfully. It's the same thing, he said.
 -- A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
%%
"When you walk through the storm hold your head up high"
"And don't be afraid of the dark!"
"At the end of the storm is a golden sky
"And the sweet silver song of the lark.
"Walk on through the wind
"Walk on through the rain
"Though your dreams be tossed and blown"
"Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
"And you'll never walk alone."
"You'll ne...ver... walk ... alone!" - Eddie.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
When you wander, as you often delight to do, you wander indeed, and
give never such satisfaction as the curious time requires. This is
not caused by any natural defect, but first for want of election,
when you, having a large and fruitful mind, should not so much labour
what to speak as to find what to leave unspoken. Rich soils are often
to be weeded.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Letter of Expostulation to Coke
%%
When you want to test the depths of a stream, don't use both feet.
 -- Chinese Proverb
%%
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.  Live your life
so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
 -- Old Indian saying
%%
When you win, nothing hurts.
 -- Joe Namath
%%
When Zeno was asked what a friend was, he replied, "Another I."
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Zeno, xix
%%
Where?
%%
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and
weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and
perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons.
 -- Popular Mechanics, March 1949 edition
%%
Where all men think alike, no one thinks very much.
 -- Walter Lippmann
%%
Where all the Masochists go to get abused.
%%
Where ambition can cover its enterprises, even to the person himself,
under the appearance of principle, it is the most incurable and
inflexible of passions.
 -- David Hume
%%
Where a mind is closed, truth cannot enter.
%%
Where am I? Who are these people?
%%
Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Where an exaggerated emphasis is placed upon delegation,
responsibility, like sediment, sinks to the bottom.
 -- Rusk's Law of Delegation
%%
Where any such silliness remains unchecked.
%%
Where anything can happen, but usually doesn't.
%%
Where are Deep Space 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, and 8?
%%
Where are the calculations that go with the calculated risk?
 -- Amrom Katz
%%
Where are the prophets ?
Where are the visionaries ?
Where are the poets
to preach the dawn of the sentimental mercenary?
%%
Where are the snows of last year?
 -- Francois Villon (c. 1430-1484)
 -- Des Dames du Temps jadis, i
%%
Where are those flashbacks they promised me?
%%
Where are we?
%%
Where are we going? And why am I in this damn handbasket?
%%
Where are we going?  Nowhere.  So what's the rush?
 -- The Lost Boys
%%
"Where are we going?!"
"PLANET 10!!"
"When are we leaving?!"
"REAL SOON!!"
%%
Whereas each man claims his freedom as a matter of right, the freedom
he accords other men is a matter of tolerance.
 -- Walter Lippmann
%%
Whereas in many branches of economic activity employment depends on
the number of job openings available, in the public service, as also
in the advertising business, social science investigation, and university
administration, the level of unemployment regularly depends on the
number of men available and devoting their time to the creation of
job opportunities.
%%
Whereas in the past the only resource for dealing with biological systems was
to try to minimize the interactions between the parts, thereby often losing the
real focus of interest, today nothing but time and money prevent us from
treating real biological systems in all their complexity and richness.
 -- W. Ross Ashby
%%
Where bastard Freedom waves
The fustian flag in mockery over slaves.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- To the Lord Viscount Forbes, written from the City of Washington
%%
Where bribes are cheerfully accepted.
%%
Where can I buy the Chia-pet computer ??
%%
Where can I find a spell chequer for taglines?
%%
Where can I get one of those computer bats!!
%%
WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE

Oh, dear, where can the matter be
When it's converted to energy?
There is a slight loss of parity.
Johnny's so long at the fair.
%%
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery.
%%
Where Crazy Eddie gets HIS T-shirts."
%%
Where did all the bag boys in the grocery store go, the ones who knew how
 to pack the stuff so that the bread did not come home crushed?
%%
Where did all those Clinton/Gore bumper stickers go?
%%
Where did houseplants live before houses were invented?
%%
WherE Did KLingonS leArn to CapitaLize?
%%
[Where did Picard and Captain Keel meet?]
Picard: "Tau Ceti III.  It was a bar...rather an exotic one, as I remember.
  What do I win?"
 -- "Conspiracy", Stardate unknown
%%
Where did the Democrats hide Tipper?
%%
Where did we all come from in the first place?
%%
Where did your race get this ridiculous predilection for resistance. You
examine any object; you question everything.
 -- Korob from Pyris VII, "Catspaw," stardate 3018.2
%%
Where do all the infinitesimals go?
%%
Where do all the "real men" eat in San Francisco?
Oakland.
%%
Where do all these lemmings come from, anyway?
%%
Where do broken hard disks go?
%%
Where do cliches come from? My grandfather says, "You just tell a couple of
 jokes and you're riding the gravy train?"

 First of all, it's hard to write jokes. Second of all, what is a gravy
 train? I didn't know they were actually hauling gravy by rail.

 People gather around big mounds of mashed potatoes waiting for the 5:15
 gravy train to show up?
 -- Rich Hall
%%
Where does Baby oil come from. (And is it boiled out, or pressed?)
%%
Where does he get all those marvelous toys?
 -- Bush
%%
Where does it go?  It doesn't matter.  Flush it.
%%
Where does it go when you flush?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Where does the 'Buck' stop at Microrim?
%%
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
%%
Where does the G in GNU actually come from?
%%
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
%%
Where does weight go when you lose it?
%%
Where do honey bees go potty?  At a BP station naturally.
%%
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.
%%
Where do Ravens go for a drink?
Crow Bars.
%%
Where do you find 100 talking invertebrates? The US Senate
%%
Where do you find a frog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
%%
Where do you find the time to not read so many books?
%%
Where do you place your hate?
 -- Henry Goldblum
%%
Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Where do you think all those demons come from? From Hell, of course.
%%
Where do you think the chaos came from?
%%
Where eldest Night
And Chaos, ancestors of Nature, hold
Eternal anarchy amidst the noise
Of endless wars, and by confusion stand;
For hot, cold, moist, and dry, four champions fierce,
Strive here for mast'ry.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 894
%%
Where'er he mov'd, the goddess shone before.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xx, Line 127
%%
Where'er she lie,
Locked up from mortal eye,
In shady leaves of destiny.
 -- Richard Crashaw (c. 1616-1650)
 -- Wishes to his Supposed Mistress
%%
Where'er we tread, 't is haunted, holy ground.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto ii, Stanza 88
%%
Where everyone wants to come as early as possible,  then necessarily  by
 far the larger part must come too  late
 -- Lichtenberg
%%
Where ever you look there is a fault...
%%
Where everything is bad it must be good to know the worst.
 -- Francis H. Bradley
%%
Where facts are few, experts are many.
 -- Donald R. Gannon
%%
Wherefore are these things hid?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Twelfth Night
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Where Gary Hart REALLY spends his weekends.
%%
Where glowing embers through the room
Teach light to counterfeit a gloom.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 79
%%
Where God hath a temple, the Devil will have a chapel.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part iii, Sect. 4, Memb. 1, Subsect. 1
%%
Where go the poet's lines?
  Answer, ye evening tapers!
Ye auburn locks, ye golden curls,
  Speak from your folded papers!
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Poet's Lot
%%
Where Great Grandmother posted her bulletins.
%%
Where gripinge grefes the hart wounde,
And dolefulle dumps the mynde oppresse,
There music with her silver sound
With spede is wont to send redresse.
 -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811)
 -- A Song to the Lute in Musicke
%%
Where have you ever found that man who stopped short after the perpetration
of a single crime?
 -- Juvenal
%%
Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say
 what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Where I can find that VFOSSIL(file request...)??
%%
Where I come from, size shape or color makes no difference.
 -- Kirk, "Plato's Stepchildren," stardate 5784.3
%%
Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
 -- Gray
%%
Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.
 -- Dalai Lama
%%
Where imagination is sucked out of children by a cathode ray nipple
 T.V. is the only wet nurse that would create a cripple
 On television, the drug of a nation
 Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation.
 -- Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy
%%
Where intellectual giants come to frolic...it's a pity they never post.
%%
Where in the #@%& is Waxahachie, Texas?
%%
Where in the time/space continuum is Carmen San Diego?
%%
Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it.
%%
Where in the world is caramel?  San Diego!
%%
Where in the world is Sam "SLED" Wilmot?
%%
Where is an elephants sex organ?
 In his feet -- if he steps on you, you're fucked.
%%
Where is Denver?  Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
%%
Where is Ed and the $20 million?
%%
    Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
 -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Where is it written in the Constitution that you may take children from their
 parents, and parents from their children, and compel them to fight the battles
 of any war in which the folly or wickedness of government may engage it?
 -- Daniel Webster, 1814
%%
Where is Kano? Where is Sonya? Is Kitana Available?
%%
Where is Mr. Smith. Making room for more beer.
%%
WHeRe is ThaT DArN ShIfT keY?
%%
Where is the Life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?
 -- T. S. Eliot, Choruses from the Rock
%%
Where is the man who has the power and skill
To stem the torrent of a woman's will?
For if she will, she will, you may depend on't;
And if she won't, she won't; so there's an end on't.
 -- Canterbury "Examiner", 31 May 1829
%%
Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?
%%
Where is the STUN setting on a Laser Printer?
%%
Where is virgin wool from?  The fastest sheeps.
%%
Where it's still 'We the people,' right?
%%
Where keeping crumbs out of the keyboard is an art-form.
%%
Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody.
 -- Agatha Christie
%%
Where law ends, tyranny begins.
 -- William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778)
 -- Case of Wilkes, Speech, Jan. 9, 1770
%%
Where life is more terrible than death, it is then the truest valor
to dare to live.
 -- Thomas Browne
%%
Where life is possible at all, a right life is possible;
life in a palace is possible; therefore even in a palace
a right life is possible.
 -- Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD)
 -- Meditations, book 5.
%%
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not the color, but to
 accept God's final decision on where your lips end.
 -- Jerry Seinfeld
%%
Where London's column, pointing at the skies,
Like a tall bully, lifts the head and lies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 339
%%
Where love is there is no labor; and if there be labor, that labor is loved.
 -- Austin
%%
Where love rules, there is no rule to power; and where power predominates,
there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.
 -- C. G. Jung
%%
Where mind and spirit come together and have a real good time.
%%
Where more is meant than meets the ear.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Il Penseroso, Line 120
%%
Where my heart lies, let my brain know best to avoid.
%%
Where my heart lies, let my brain lie, also.
%%
Where Nature's end of language is declin'd,
And men talk only to conceal the mind.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 -- Love of Fame, Satire ii, Line 207
%%
Where necessity ends, curiosity begins; and no sooner are we supplied
with every thing that nature can demand, than we sit down to contrive
artificial appetites.
 -- Johnson
%%
Where no hope is left, is left no fear.
 -- Milton
%%
Where none admire, 't is useless to excel;
Where none are beaux, 't is vain to be a belle.
 -- Lord Lyttleton (1709-1773)
 -- Soliloquy on a Beauty in the Country
%%
Where not a stone still stands you see the Ice Cream Man
besieged by children ...
 -- Szymborska
%%
Where NOTHING is sacred anymore.
%%
Where nothing is simple, except for some of the users.
%%
Where observation is concerned, chance favors only the prepared mind.
 -- Louis Pasteur, 1822-1895
%%
Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.
 -- Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus
%%
Where, Oh where has my high memory gone??
%%
Where oil and water DO mix, dammit!
%%
Where pain predominates, agony can be a valued teacher.
 -- Frank Herbert
%%
Where peace
And rest can never dwell, hope never comes
That comes to all.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 65
%%
Where possible, preserve the President's options- he will very likely
need them.
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Where principle is involved, be deaf to expediency.
%%
Where quality is just a word we like to use.
%%
Where service isn't just a word; it's a noun.
%%
Where sex and fun are spelled the same way.
%%
Where's Hadrians' Wall?
 Outside his house.
%%
Where sits our sulky, sullen dame,
Gathering her brows like gathering storm,
Nursing her wrath to keep it warm.
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- Tam o' Shanter
%%
Where's Lee Harvey Oswald when you really need him?
%%
Where 's my serpent of old Nile?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Wheresoever the carcass is, there will the eagles be gathered together.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxiv, 28
%%
Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
 -- Confucius
%%
Where's SANDY DUNCAN?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Where's that cat and why is this printout in long thin strips?
%%
Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Where's the beef?
%%
Where's the brake on this thing?
%%
Where's the Coke machine?  Tell me a joke!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Where's the damn anti-matter inducer?

This?  No, *this.*

That or nothing.
 -- Scotty & Chekov, "The Search for Spock," stardate 8210.3
%%
Where's the Inquisition when we most need it the most?
%%
Where's the party?!
%%
Where's the toilet paper?  I have to take a Limbaugh.
%%
Where the 60's never really ended.
%%
Where the beat goes on...*Boom-shaka-laka-boom-boom-boom..*
%%
Where the bee sucks, there suck I;
In a cowslip's bell I lie.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
"Where the Elite Meet to Eat Street Meat"
 -- Road Kill Cafe
%%
Where the fun never stops.  Never starts, either.
%%
Where the heart is engaged, the mind is nowhere to be found.
%%
Where the heck is Grant buried?
%%
Where The Heck is The "Any" Key?
%%
Where the hell is Omak?
%%
Where the hell is the power you promised me?

One damned minute, Admiral.
 -- Kirk & Spock, "The Voyage Home," stardate 8390
%%
Where the hell is /usr/hippo?
%%
Where the hell is Wall Drug?
%%
Where the intelligence is high, and the moustaches are cheesy.
%%
Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
 -- New Testament
 -- Mark ix, 44
%%
Where the $#!/& IS Carmen San-Diego???
%%
Where the keyboard is mightier than the sword.
%%
Where the laws do not operate, there is no reality
%%
Where the majority maintains that brevity is the best means to ...
%%
Where the message base is in 3D.
%%
"Where the operating system is concerned,
 you don't get to ask "Why?"."
 -- ...understanding Operating Systems...
%%
Where the Pentagon buys its toilet paper.
%%
Where there are Muslims, there is oil; the converse is
not true.
 -- Law of Petroleum
 -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Where there are visible vapors, having their prevenance
in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
%%
Where there is an open mind, your probably attending an autopsy.
%%
Where there is a sea there are pirates.
 -- Greek proverb
%%
Where there is a stink feces there is the odor of being.
%%
Where there is a will, there be E-Mail.
%%
Where there is fear, there is no religion.
 -- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Where there is love, there is life.
 -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
Where there is love there is no sin.
 -- Montenegrin
%%
Where there is love, there is pain.
 -- Spanish Proverb
%%
Where there is much light there is also much shadow.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Where there is much light, the shadow is deep.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Where there is much pretension, much has been borrowed; nature never pretends.
 -- Lavater
%%
Where there is no law, but every man does what is right in his own
eyes, there is the least of real liberty.
 -- Henry M. Robert
%%
Where there is no shame, there is no honor.
%%
Where there is no vision, people perish.
 -- Proverbs 29:18
%%
Where there is uphill there is downhill.
 -- Moth-eaten Tibetan Proverb
%%
Where there's a swill there's a sway.
%%
Where there's a whip, there's a way.
%%
Where there's a will, I want to be part of it.
%%
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
%%
Where there's a will, there are relatives!
%%
Where there's a will, there's a beneficiary!
%%
Where there's a will, there's a happy Lawyer!
%%
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
%%
Where there's a will, there's a probate
%%
Where there's a will, there's a relative.
%%
Where there's a Will, there's a Riker...
%%
Where there's a will there's a won't.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Where there's a witch, there's a way.
%%
Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without
marriage.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Where there's no emotion, there's no motive for violence.
 -- Spock, "Dagger of the Mind", stardate 2715.1
%%
Where there's smoke...there's someone's cooking.
%%
Where there's smoke, you'll find my old flame.
%%
Where the Sex Pistols learned to play.
%%
Where the streame runneth smoothest, the water is deepest.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues and his England, Page 287
%%
Where the Taylors and the Pomeranians play....
%%
Where the virgins are soft as the roses they twine,
And all save the spirit of man is divine?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Bride of Abydos, Canto i, Stanza 1
%%
Where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away.
%%
Where the world ceases to be the stage for personal hopes and desires,
where we, as free beings, behold it in wonder, to question and to contemplate,
there we enter the realm of Art and of Science.
If we trace out what we behold and experience through the language of
logic, we are doing science. If we show it in forms whose interrelationships
are not accessible to our conscious thought but are intuitively recognized as
meaningful, we are doing art. Common to both is the devotion to something
beyond the personal, removed from the arbitrary.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Where they do agree on the stage, their unanimity is wonderful.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Critic, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Where through the long-drawn aisle and fretted vault,
  The pealing anthem swells the note of praise.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Elegy in a Country Churchyard, Stanza 10
%%
Where Time has no meaning.
%%
"Where to find Islands" by Archie Pelagoh
%%
Where to Put Your Money: Bill Fold
%%
Where true love has found a home, every new hear forms one more ring around the
hearts of those who love each other, so that in the end they cannot live apart.
 -- Julius Stinde
%%
Where two wrongs don't make a right, but they make us feel real good.
%%
Where Venice sate in state, throned on her hundred isles.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 1
%%
Wherever and whenever you go on vacation, the natives will shake their
heads and say, "It's such a shame you weren't here last week when the
weather was beautiful. We hardly ever have weather this bad."
%%
Wherever God erects a house of prayer,
The Devil always builds a chapel there;
And 't will be found, upon examination,
The latter has the largest congregation.
 -- Daniel Defoe (1660-1731)
 -- The True-Born Englishman, Part i, Line 1
%%
Wherever I go, there I am, Pooh mused.
%%
Wherever is love and loyalty, great purposes and lofty souls, even
though in a hovel or mine, there is a fairy-land.
 -- Kingsley
%%
Wherever public spirit prevails, liberty is secure.
 -- Noah Webster
%%
Wherever the bright sun of heaven shall shine,
His honour and the greatness of his name
Shall be, and make new nations.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act v, Sc. 5
%%
Wherever there is a crowd there is untruth.
 -- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
Wherever waves can roll, and winds can blow.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764), The Farewell, Line 38
%%
Wherever you come near the human race there's layers and layers of nonsense.
 -- Thornton Wilder, Our Town
%%
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Wherever your journey takes you, there are new gods waiting there, with
divine patience - and laughter.
%%
Wherever you've been...you're not there NOW!
%%
Wherever Yugo, I go...
%%
Where was that stooped and mealy-colored man I used to call poppa
when the merry-go-round broke down?
 -- Joseph Heller,"Catch-22"
%%
Wherewedon'tcareifyoudon'tleaveaspacebetweenyourwords.
%%
Where we operate at a 90* angle to reality.
%%
Where were YOU the night of Nov 22, 1963?
%%
Where were you when the ship hit the sand?
%%
Where will it all end?
Probably somewhere near where it all began.
%%
Where will YOU be during the "BIG ONE"?
%%
Where will YOU be when your laxative starts working?
%%
Where will you spend eternity? Heaven or Hell?
%%
Where windows clean people.
%%
Where would a shellfish sue for damages? In a small clams court.
 -- Oliver M. Neshamkin
%%
Where would we be without any problems?  BORED!
%%
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
%%
Where yet was ever found a mother
Who 'd give her booby for another?
 -- John Gay (1688-1732)
 -- Fables, Part i, The Mother, the Nurse, and the Fairy
%%
Where you can talk to people without using up saliva.
%%
Where Young must torture his invention
To flatter knaves, or lose his pension.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Poetry, a Rhapsody
%%
Where your nightmares end ... Terror begins.
 -- Willard.
%%
Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 21
%%
Where you sit determines what you see.
%%
Where you stand depends upon where you sit.
 -- Rufus Miles
%%
Where'z dat Waskally Wabbit!
%%
Whether a man is burdened by power or enjoys power; whether he is
trapped by responsibility or made free by it; whether he is moved
by other people and outer forces or moves them -- this is of the essence
of leadership.
 -- Theodore H. White, The Making of the President, 1960
%%
Whether he is his brother's keeper or his keeper's brother.
 -- Evan Esar
%%
Whether in sea or fire, in earth or air,
The extravagant and erring spirit hies
To his confine.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
...whether it is better to spend a life not knowing what you want or to
spend a life knowing exactly what you want and that you will never have it.
 -- Richard Shelton
%%
Whether the charmer sinner it or saint it,
If folly grow romantic, I must paint it.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 15
%%
Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered
 an enemy planet.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have
been asked.
 -- Ovid (43 BC -18 AD)
%%
Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the
most important decisions a teenager can make.
 -- Heathers (Pauline Flaming)
%%
Whether weary or unweary, O man, do not rest,
Do not cease your single-handed struggle.
Go on, do not rest.
 -- An old Gujarati hymn
%%
Whether you have an abortion, what you put in your own body, with
whom you have sex - these are not the affairs of the state.  A
government does not exist to control the citizens.  When it does, it is a
tyranny, and must be fought.  The tree of liberty, Jefferson warned us,
must be refreshed with the blood of tyrants and patriots.
 -- Gore Vidal
%%
Whether you're dating or not, you still have woman problems.
%%
Whether your faith is that there is a God or that there is not a God, if you
don't have any doubts you are either kidding yourself or asleep.
 -- Frederick Buechner
%%
Whether your think you can do a thing or not do a thing is immaterial,
 because in either instance, you are correct.
%%
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
 -- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
%%
Whether you think you can or can't, you're right.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
WHFO: Wait until Hell Freezes Over
%%
Which are more popular, owls or chickens? Chickens, naturally.... Who ever
 heard of Kentucky Fried Owls?
%%
Which arrived first, talk shows or sexual abnormalities?
%%
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was the woman to cook
 them.
 -- Sherrie Shepherd
%%
Which came first, the future or the past?
%%
Which caused little rhythmic darts of red to pulsate gently in the morning sun.
%%
Which deity's name to call out during sex?
 -- Pagan Problem #6
%%
Which do I miss more Taglines or headaches???
%%
Whichever way you turn upon entering an elevator, the
buttons will be on the opposite side.
 -- Gluck's First Law
%%
Which gets you to NY faster : The 16 bit bus or the 8 bit
%%
Which, if not victory, is yet revenge.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 105
%%
Which I have earned with the sweat of my brows.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book i, Chap. iv
%%
Which in decimals is 1.66666...which is the mark of the devil.
%%
Which is best?  Well, I thought at first
that the East was best and the West was worst.
Then I looked again from west to east
and I like the beast on the east beach least.
 -- Dr Suess
%%
Which is better:  Vulcan Humor or Klingon Opera?
%%
Which is further, to Miami or by bus?
%%
Which is it, is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's?
 -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
%%
Which is not a complete sentence, but merely a subordinate clause.
%%
Which is the biggest seat of crime today?
      1) Miami
      2) Washington D.C.
      3) The Khomeini family residence
      4) Any Chicago election
      5) The Oklahoma Football Team
%%
Which is worse: ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
%%
Which I wish to remark,--
  And my language is plain,--
That for ways that are dark
  And for tricks that are vain,
The heathen Chinee is peculiar.
 -- Francis Bret Harte (1839-1902)
 -- Plain Language from Truthful James
%%
Which makes life itself a lie,
Flattering dust with eternity.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Sardanapalus, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Which not even critics criticise.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 51
%%
Which one is the controller? BZBBZZZZTTT....Not that one!
%%
Which one is the "smoker's" lifeboat?
%%
Which part of control-C don't you understand?
%%
Which part of the chicken is the noodle from?
%%
Which shall to all our nights and days to come
Give solely sovereign sway and masterdom.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Which supports a theory I've been formulating.
 -- Spock
%%
Which was performed to a T.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. xli
%%
Which way shall I fly
Infinite wrath and infinite despair?
Which way I fly is hell; myself am hell;
And in the lowest deep a lower deep,
Still threat'ning to devour me, opens wide,
To which the hell I suffer seems a heaven.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 73
%%
Which way to Castle Anthrax?
%%
Which Witch is Which?
%%
Which would you rather have,
a bursting planet or an earthquake here and there?
 -- John Joseph Lynch
%%
While Alan catches a baby rex, let's catch a Mutual of Omaha offer.
%%
While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong,
 the true test is admission to someone else.
%%
While betweene two stooles my taile goe to the ground.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. iii
%%
While bright-eyed Science watches round.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- Ode for Music, Chorus, Line 3
%%
While bryographic plants are typically encountered in substrata of
earthly or mineral matter in concreted state, discrete substrata
elements occasionally display a roughly spherical configuration which,
in presence of suitable gravitational and other effects, lends itself
to combined translatory and rotational motion. One notices in such
cases an absence of the otherwise typical accretion of bryophyta.
We therefore conclude that a rolling stone gathers no moss.
%%
While (!cat) play (mouse);
%%
While critiquing a survey intended for mothers of infants, I came
across the following question:
    Have you ever breast fed your baby?
   a) Yes   b) No   c) Don't Know
%%
while (DEMOCRAT in OFFICE) do taxes++;
%%
While discussing the terms of the vice-presidential debate, Quayle's aide
suggested that "props" be allowed, mainly because the Vice-President
wanted to read directly from Al Gore's book on the environment,
"Earth in the Balance: Ecology and the Human Spirit." Gore's people agreed,
saying that the Senator would then use a potato as a prop. Quayle quickly
abandoned the proposal.
 -- reported in The NY Times, 10/6/92
%%
While doubt stands still, confidence can erect a skyscraper.
 -- George Lorimer
%%
While drunk, O'Brien builds a leprechaun transporter.
%%
While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things,
The fate of empires and the fall of kings;
While quacks of State must each produce his plan,
And even children lisp the Rights of Man;
Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,
The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
 -- Robert Burns, Address on The Rights of Woman,
                 November 26, 1792
%%
While everyone can't be rich, wise and handsome,
 two out of three isn't bad.
%%
While fancy, like the finger of a clock,
Runs the great circuit, and is still at home.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 118
%%
While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens,
 ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.
 -- Boccaccio
%%
while (forever) { day++; dollar--; }
%%
While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
%%
While hermits have no pier pressure; Trolls do!
%%
"...while heroes... heroes have an infinite
 capacity for stupidity!  Thus are legends born!"
 -- ...and THOR analyzes right back
%%
While his off-heel, insidiously aside,
Provokes the caper which he seems to chide.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- Pizarro, The Prologue
%%
While human capacities to shape the environment, society, and human
beings are rapidly increasing, policymaking capabilities to use those
capacities remain the same.
 -- Yehezkel Dror
%%
While hunting in Africa, I shot an elephant in my pajamas.  How an
elephant got into my pajamas I'll never know.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
While I know many people who emphatically believe in reincarnation, I
have never met or read one who could satisfactorily explain population growth.
 -- Spider Robinson
%%
While I live, I'll try my damndest to avoid taxes.
%%
While it cannot be proved retrospectively that any experience of
possession, conversion, revelation, or divine ecstasy was merely an
epileptic discharge, we must ask how one differentiates "real
transcendence" from neuropathies that produce the same extreme realness,
profundity, ineffability, and sense of cosmic unity.  When accounts of
sudden religious conversions in TLEs [temporal-lobe epileptics] are laid
alongside the epiphanous revelations of the religious tradition, the
parallels are striking.  The same is true of the recent spate of alleged
UFO abductees. Parsimony alone argues against invoking spirits, demons,
or extraterrestrials when natural causes will suffice.
 -- Barry L. Beyerstein, "Neuropathology and the Legacy
   of Spiritual Possession",
   The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII, No. 3, pg. 255
%%
WHILE IT HAS BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITIVE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS
the experiment didn't work but I figured out I could get publicity for it.
 -- Research definitions
%%
While it is true that Rome was not built in a day, it is also true that the
 construction was not delayed by union jurisdictional disputes and craft
 union work stoppages.
%%
While it is true that you are free to say what you think in this great
 land, it should be said that it is helpful to think what you are going to
 say before you do it.
%%
While it is undeniably true that people love a surprise, it is equally true
 that they are seldom pleased to suddenly and without warning happen upon a
 series of prunes in what they took to be a normal loin of pork.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one
 you don't keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
 -- Edward Stevenson
%%
While it may be true that success is relative, it is absolutely true that
 none of my relatives are a success.
%%
While I was at home with father, he used to tell me his opinions,
and I held the same opinions.  If I had others, I concealed them,
because he wouldn't have liked it.
 -- Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906) (Nora, in "A Doll's House")
%%
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom.  They put
 it in EXACTLY the same place it was.  When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I
 know you?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
While I was musing the fire burned.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm xxxix, 3
%%
While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
    She explained, They are flat,
         But think nothing of that --
You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm.
%%
While Jack Butler was being dragged away by the Grim Reaper, Jack begged
%%
WHILE (length(walk) < length(pier)) DO BEGIN
%%
While man exclaims, "See all things for my use!"
"See man for mine!" replies a pamper'd goose.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iii, Line 45
%%
While man is growing, life is in decrease;
And cradles rock us nearer to the tomb.
Our birth is nothing but our death begun.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night v, Line 717
%%
while(math_teacher() == talk) fall_asleep();
%%
While Memory watches o'er the sad review
Of joys that faded like the morning dew.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 45
%%
While modern technology has given people powerful new
communication tools, it apparently can do nothing to alter the fact
that many people have nothing useful to say.
 -- Lee Gomes, San Jose Mercury News
%%
While money can't buy happiness,
 it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
%%
While most of those who hold that the whole heaven is finite say
that the earth lies at the center, the philosophers of Italy, the
so-called Pythagoreans, assert the contrary.  They say that in the
middle there is fire, and that the earth is one of the stars, and
by its circular motion round the center produces night and day.
 -- Aristotle, De Caelo, Fourth Century B.C.
%%
While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction
 of their correctness never does.
%%
While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING,
 Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
While one with moderate haste might tell a hundred.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
While our economy may be beset by difficulty, it should not be beset
by doubt.
 -- President George Bush, February 1991
%%
While pensive poets painful vigils keep,
Sleepless themselves to give their readers sleep.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Dunciad, Book i, Line 93
%%
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
 -- Henny Youngman
%%
"While stands the Coliseum, Rome shall stand;
When falls the Coliseum, Rome shall fall;
And when Rome falls--the world."
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 145
%%
While the builders of the cages sleep with bullets, bars and stones,
 they do not see your road to freedom that you build with flesh and bone.
%%
While the difficulties and dangers of problems tend to increase at
a geometric rate, the knowledge and manpower qualified to deal with
these problems tend to increase at an arithmetic rate.
 -- Yehezkel Dror
%%
While the gentleman cherishes benign rule, the small man cherishes his
 native land.  While the gentleman cherishes a respect for the law, the
 small man cherishes generous treatment.
 -- Confucius, Analects, IV.11
%%
While the grasse groweth the horse starveth.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
While the hollow oak our palace is,
  Our heritage the sea.
 -- Allan Cunningham (1785-1842)
 -- A Wet Sheet and a Flowing Sea
%%
While the Lunatic dreams the Earth changes.
%%
While the people try to determine what the candidate stands for,
he candidate tries to determine what the people will stand for.
 -- Zabel's Political Observation
%%
While the public says it wants a good Congressman, it votes for good
politicians.
 -- Otis Pike
%%
While there's life, there's hope.
 -- Cicero (43 BC)
%%
While there's life, there's hope.
 -- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
%%
While there's life, there's threat...
 -- Servalan
%%
While the sick man has life there is hope.
 -- Cicero (106-43 BC)
 -- Epistolarum ad Atticum, ix, 10, 4
%%
While the State exists, there is no freedom. When there is freedom,
there is no State.
 -- Nikolai Lenin
%%
While this accident in Alaska has shown the world that water and oil do not
 mix, I wonder how many have gotten the real message - that alcohol and
 water don't mix well, either?
%%
While today's digital hardware is extremely impressive, it is clear
 that the human retina's real time performance goes unchallenged.
 Actually to simulate 10 milliseconds of the complete processing of
 even a single nerve cell from the retina would require the solution
 of about 500 simultaneous nonlinear differential equations 100 times
 and would take at least several minutes of time on a Cray supercomputer.
 Keeping in mind that there are 10 million or more such cells interacting
 with each other in complex ways, it would take a minimum of 100 years of
 Cray time to simulate what takes place in your eye many times each
 second.
 -- John K. Stevens, Reverse Engineering the Brain
 -- Byte magazine, Page 287, April 1985
%%
While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the
consequences of our actions.
 -- Stephen Covey
%%
While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.
 -- Dean Rusk
%%
While we liked developing Windows applications, we never inhaled.
 -- Philippe Kahn, 1992
%%
While we stop to think, we often miss our opportunity.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 185
%%
While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still
 very reassuring to know that it's still there.
%%
While you live, tell truth and shame the devil!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S
 bank account..  This will have the same effect as
 two ``STARCH BLOCKERS''!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
While you're saving your face, you're losing your ass.
 -- President Lyndon Johnson (1908-1973)
%%
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
safe, for you can watch both of his.
 -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), "The Devil's Dictionary", 1911
%%
Whilst that for which all virtue now is sold,
And almost every vice,--almighty gold.
 -- Ben Jonson (1573-1637)
 -- Epistle to Elizabeth, Countess of Rutland
%%
Whilst thou livest keep a good tongue in thy head.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Whilst twilight's curtain spreading far,
Was pinned with a single star.
 -- McDonald Clarke (1798-1842)
 -- Death in Disguise, Line 227, (Boston edition, 1833.)
%%
Whil topping off my gas tank at a California self-service gas station
this morning, a policeman next to me remarked "You know it's illegal to
top off your tank here."

I replied, "I had my eggs over easy this morning too.  Lock me up
before I start tearing off mattress tags!"
%%
Whine your way to Total Alienation
%%
Whip cream, chocolate, baby oil... what did you have in mind?
%%
Whip it, baby.
Whip it right.
Whip it, baby.
Whip it all night!
%%
Whip me, beat me, but don't make me read my mail online!
%%
Whip me, beat me, crush me, is this wrestling or what?
%%
Whip me, beat me, make me a SYSOP!
%%
Whip me! Beat me! Make me date Bella Abzug!
%%
Whip me, beat me, make me write bad software.
%%
Whip me, Mistress, whip me... OOPS! ...wrong echo.
%%
Whip me such honest knaves.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Whips and chains are only toys...
%%
Whips and chains?  Sorry, that's a hardware problem.
%%
Whipsplash - Compulsion to shove someone into a swimming pool.
%%
Whips required...  Chains optional...
%%
Whiskey and women'll kill you. I know. They killed my brother. He couldn't
 get either one so he just laid down and died.
 -- The Duke of Paducah (Whitey Ford)
%%
Whistle, and she 'll come to you.
 -- Beaumont and Fletcher
 -- Wit Without Money, Act iv, Sc. 4
%%
Whistling to keep myself from being afraid.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Amphitryon, Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
WHITE, adj. and n.  Black.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
WHITE BEER: A Trailer Park of Flavor in Every Bottle
%%
:White Book: n. 1. Syn. {K&R}.  2. Adobe's fourth book in the
   PostScript series, describing the previously-secret format of Type
   1 fonts; "Adobe Type 1 Font Format, version 1.1",
   (Addison-Wesley, 1990, ISBN 0-201-57044-0). See also {Red Book},
   {Green Book}, {Blue Book}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
White Castle hamburgers are the reason that toilet paper exists...
%%
Whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are
within full of dead men's bones.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxiii, 27
%%
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
%%
White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall.   That way, by the
time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.
%%
White shall not neutralize the black, nor good
Compensate bad in man, absolve him so:
Life's business being just the terrible choice.
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Ring and the Book, The Pope, Line 1236
%%
Whitesville, Delaware, deems it disorderly conduct for a woman
to offer a marriage proposal during a leap year.
%%
Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge;
thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.
 -- Ruth 1:16
%%
:whizzy: [Sun] adj. (alt. `wizzy') Describes a {cuspy} program;
   one that is feature-rich and well presented.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Who against hope believed in hope.
 -- New Testament
 -- Romans iv, 18
%%
WHOA!!  Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!!  It must
 be the NEGATIVE IONS!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Who alone has reason to *lie himself out* of actuality?  He who *suffers*
 from it.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Who am I?
%%
Who am I to come between a man and his rock?
 -- Devil's Heart.
%%
Who are a little wise the best fools be.
 -- Dr. John Donne (1573-1631)
 -- Elegy 8, The Triple Fool
%%
Who are the artists in the Computer Graphics Show?  Wavefront's latest
box, or the people who programmed it?  Should Mandelbrot get all the
credit for the output of programs like MandelVroom?
 -- Peter da Silva
%%
Who are these Al G. Bra and Cal Q. Luss people I keep hearing about?
%%
Who are you?
%%
Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith.  And, I'm
 a locksmith.
 -- Leslie Nielsen as Lieutenant Frank Drebin,Police Squad
%%
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Who are you? said the caterpiller.
Alice replied rather shyly, I -- I hardly know, Sir, just
at present -- at least I know who I was when I got up this
morning, but I think I must have changed several times since
then.
 -- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
%%
Who are you to take away others' angels, just because
you think it's in their best interest?
 -- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%
Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of Science?
 -- Monty Python & the Holy Grail
%%
Who, as they sung, would take the prison'd soul
And lap it in Elysium.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 256
%%
Who ate the last bowl of Corn Pops (TM)?
%%
Who battled for the True, the Just.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, lvi, Stanza 5
%%
Who begins too much accomplishes little.
 -- German proverb
%%
Who bravely dares must sometimes risk a fall.
 -- Tobias G. Smollett
%%
Who breaks his faith, no faith is held with him.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Fourth Day, Book ii
%%
Who breathes must suffer, and who thinks must mourn;
And he alone is bless'd who ne'er was born.
 -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721)
 -- Solomon on the Vanity of the World, Book iii, Line 240
%%
Who builds a church to God and not to fame,
Will never mark the marble with his name.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 285
%%
Who but must laugh, if such a man there be?
Who would not weep, if Atticus were he?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 213
%%
Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes!
 -- Theophile Gautier
%%
Who can be wise, amazed, temperate and furious,
Loyal and neutral, in a moment?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Who can figure a species like that? Beep beep!
%%
Who cannot give good counsel? 'T is cheap, it costs them nothing.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part ii, Sect. 2, Memb. 3
%%
Who can protest and does not, is an accomplice in the act.
 -- The Talmud (Sabbath, 54 b.)
%%
Who can remain still until the moment of action?
%%
Who can say what's around the corner?
%%
Who can stand "I don't know" answers to answerable questions?
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Who can take the sunshine and turn it into rain . . . . . .   feminizts!
%%
Who Cares about Rasism and Name Calling, and the location of a z'?
%%
Who cares anyway?
%%
Who cares how it plays in Peoria?
%%
Who *cares* if a laser guided 500 lb bomb is accurate to within 9 feet?
%%
Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
 Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process.
%%
Who cares who's on board?
%%
Who ceases to be a friend, never was one.
%%
Who cleans up after all the congresscritters' Bravo Sierra?
%%
Who combats bravely is not therefore brave,
He dreads a death-bed like the meanest slave:
Who reasons wisely is not therefore wise,--
His pride in reasoning, not in acting lies.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle i, Line 115
%%
Who controls the past controls the future.
Who controls the present controls the past.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950), "1984", 1948
%%
Who could imagine
That they could freak out in Kansas
Who could imagine
That they could freak out in Washington D.C.
Everybody's clean, it can't happen here, no, no
And they thought it couldn't happen here
They were so sure it couldn't happen here
It can't happen here
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
Who dared to love their country, and be poor.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- On his Grotto at Twickenham
%%
Who dares enter the presence of the everlasting know-it-all.. Yogurt!
%%
Who dares nothing, need hope for for nothing.
 -- Johann von Schiller
%%
Who dares think one thing, and another tell,
My heart detests him as the gates of hell.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book ix, Line 412
%%
Who decides who is a "REAL" programmer?
%%
Who did the owner of the first modem talk to?
%%
Who died and made you Blake?
%%
Who dies in youth and vigour, dies the best.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xxii, Line 100
%%
Who does he think he is, giving me orders?
Geordi thinks he is in command here and he is correct.
 -- Q and Data, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
Who does i' the wars more than his captain can
Becomes his captain's captain; and ambition,
The soldier's virtue, rather makes choice of loss,
Than gain which darkens him.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Antony and Cleopatra
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
Who does not love wine, women, and song,
Remains a fool his whole life long.
 -- Johann Heinrich Voss
%%
Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.
 -- Lao Tsu
%%
Who do I have to sleep with to get off of this project?
%%
Who do you call to exorcise software?
%%
Who do you trust when everyone's a crook?
%%
Who drank my beer while I was in the rear?
 -- Chuck Murphy.
%%
Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.
%%
Who'd win? Enterprise Security -vs- NHL Goons.
%%
Whoe'er amidst the sons
Of reason, valour, liberty, and virtue
Displays distinguish'd merit, is a noble
Of Nature's own creating.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- Coriolanus, Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
Whoe'er has travell'd life's dull round,
  Where'er his stages may have been,
May sigh to think he still has found
  The warmest welcome at an inn.
 -- William Shenstone (1714-1763)
 -- Written on a Window of an Inn
%%
Whoe'er she be,
That not impossible she,
That shall command my heart and me.
 -- Richard Crashaw (c. 1616-1650)
 -- Wishes to his Supposed Mistress
%%
Whoe'er was edified, themselves were not.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book ii, The Timepiece, Line 444
%%
Who elected Hillary?
%%
Whoever admits that he is too busy to improve his methods has
acknowledged himself to be at the end of his rope.  And that is always
the saddest predicament which anyone can get into.
 -- J. Ogden Armour
%%
Whoever annoys you the most in your office inevitably will be promoted
to king of the company.
%%
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
%%
Whoever can endure unmixed delight, whoever can tolerate music and
painting and poetry all in one, whoever wishes to be rid of thought
and to let the busy anvils of the brain be silent for a time, let
him read in the "Faery Queen."
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- Spenser
%%
    Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student.
 -- George Iles
%%
Whoever cultivates the golden mean avoids the poverty of
 a hovel and the envy of a palace.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Whoever decided to limit taglines to 57 char. can kiss my
%%
Whoever did this [planted a pipe bomb at the Margaret Sanger Center] is a
 hero.   I think they are heroes.  The Bible commands us to rescue those
 being dragged to death.
 -- Nancy O'Brien, Co-Director, Project Jericho, Channel 9 News, WCTO-TV,
        2/23/87, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves, a Planned
      Parenthood pamphlet
%%
Whoever dies with the most LEGO wins.
%%
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not
become a monster.  And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks
into you.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), "Jenseits von Gut und Bose"
%%
Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
 -- Spanish proverb
%%
 Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small,
 will attempt to use it.
 -- Quigley's Law
%%
Whoever has even once become notorious by base fraud, even if he speaks
the truth, gains no belief.
 -- Phaedrus (c. 8 A.D.)
 -- Book i, Fable 10, 1
%%
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a
debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race.
He brought death into the world.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson"
%%
Whoever has the most when he dies... WINS!
%%
Who ever heard of fertilizing hard-boiled eggs?
%%
Whoever hunts deer without the forester
Only loses his way in the forest.
The superior man understands the signs of the time
And prefers to desist.
To go on brings humiliation.
%%
Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1565-1593)
 -- Hero and Leander
%%
Whoever... prefers the service of princes before his duty to his Creator,
will be sure, early or late, to repent in vain.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Prince and his Minister, Chap. iii, Fable iii
%%
Whoever preserves a single thought uncorrupted by any concession to the
will of others, whoever brings into reality a matchstick or a patch of
garden made in the image of his thought -- he, and to that extent, is
a man, and that extent is the sole measure of his virtue.  They made no
concessions.  This (the valley) is the measure of what they preserved
and what they are.
 -- Hugh Akston
%%
Whoever said getting there was half the fun never rode in a Class VIII probe.
 -- K'Ehleyr, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Whoever said, It's not whether you win or lose that counts, probably
lost!
 -- Martina Navratilova
%%
Whoever said "Laughter is the best medicine" never had a rib injury.
%%
Whoever said that money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
%%
Whoever thinks a faultless piece to see,
Thinks what ne'er was, nor is, nor e'er shall be.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 53
%%
Whoever thought up No Alcohol beer was way too drunk.
%%
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is
shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
 -- Albert Einstein
%%
Whoever wins the election will be the evil of two
lessers
%%
Whoever wishes to devote himself to painting should begin by cutting out
 his own tongue.
 -- Henri Matisse
%%
Whoever would lie usefully should lie seldom.
%%
Whoever would overthrow the liberty of a nation must begin by
subduing the freeness of speech.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), written when he was 16.
%%
Whoever you are -- you who are alone with my words in this moment,
with nothing but your honesty to help you understand -- the choice
is still open to be a human being, but the price is to start from
scratch, to stand naked in the face of reality, and, reversing a
costly historical error, to declare:  'I am, therefore I'll think.'
 -- John Galt
%%
Who fears t' offend takes the first step to please.
 -- Cibber
%%
Who gives a damn about apathy?
%%
Who gives himself with his alms feeds three,--
Himself, his hungering neighbor, and me.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Vision of Sir Launfal, Part Second, viii
%%
Who glued the cup to the table?
%%
Who God doth late and early pray
  More of his grace than gifts to lend;
And entertains the harmless day
  With a religious book or friend.
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- The Character of a Happy Life
%%
Who goeth a borrowing
Goeth a sorrowing.
 -- Thomas Tusser (c. 1515-1580)
 -- June's Abstract
%%
Who has been fooling around with my computer?
%%
Who has not felt how sadly sweet
  The dream of home, the dream of home,
Steals o'er the heart, too soon to fleet,
  When far o'er sea or land we roam?
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- The Dream of Home
%%
Who has the bigger cajones in the Clinton household; Bill or Hillary?
%%
Who has the USSR's BIOWAR contagious snake bite virus?
%%
Who hath not own'd, with rapture-smitten frame,
The power of grace, the magic of a name?
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 5
%%
Who hath not proved how feebly words essay
To fix one spark of beauty's heavenly ray?
Who doth not feel, until his failing sight
Faints into dimness with its own delight,
His changing cheek, his sinking heart, confess
The might, the majesty of loveliness?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- The Bride of Abydos, Canto i, Stanza 6
%%
Who hired all these tacky people?
%%
Who-ho-ho!! This is no Tupperware party!
%%
Who holds a power but newly gained is ever stern of mood.
 -- Aeschylus
%%
Who holds the souls of children, holds the nation.
%%
Who in life's battle firm doth stand
Shall bear hope's tender blossoms
  Into the silent land!
 -- J. G. Von Salis (1762-1834)
 -- The Silent Land
%%
Who in the name of God would bring a half-eaten eight-ounce jar of Hellman's
 mayonnaise to a public meeting?
 -- Tom Wolfe, "Bonfire of the Vanities"
%%
Who in the world is Carmen San Diego?
%%
Who invented cottage cheese? And how did they know when they were done? It
 looks like it's already been eaten.

 Never buy anything you have to order by the size of its curd.

 Of course it's a perfect diet food. Look at it. Do you have an appetite
 now?
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
Who invented dehydrated water?
%%
Who invented Taglines anyway??? What a waste!
%%
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
 -- Andy Andrews
%%
Who invited all these tacky people?
%%
Who is actually sponsoring this message?
%%
Who is Dr. Who?
%%
Who is France's data compression hero?
 -- Joan of ARC...

 And Great Britain's?
 -- Jack the Zipper.
%%
Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my disk?
 -- quip from the Internet
%%
Who is here so base that would be a bondman?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Who is it that usually rings twice at your home and then, if you don't
 respond, knocks down the door? Everyone knows this. It's the new Avon
 Gorilla.
%%
Who is John Galt?
%%
Who is John Galt?

An explorer, the greatest explorer that ever lived.  The man who found
the fountain of youth.John Galt spent years looking for it.  He crossed
oceans, and he crossed deserts, and he went down into forgotten mines,
miles under the earth.But he found it on the top of a mountain.  It
broke every bone in his body, it tore the skin off his hands, it made
him lose his home, his name, his love.But he climbed it.  He found
the fountain of youth, which he wanted to bring down to men.  Only he
never came back.

Why didn't he?

Because he found that it couldn't be brought down.
%%
Who is John Galt?

Do you know the legend of Atlantis? ... The Isles of the Blessed ...
Atlantis was a place where hero spirits lived in a happiness unknown
to the rest of the world.  They reached it without dying, because they
carried the secret of life within them.  Atlantis was lost to mankind
 ... Some of them thought it was underground, hidden in the heart of
the earth.  But most of them said it was an island.  A radiant island
in the Western Ocean.  Perhaps what they were thinking of was America
 ... they never stopped looking for it, because they knew that that was
what they had to find.

Well, what about John Galt?

He found it ... John Galt was a millionaire, a man of inestimable wealth.
He was sailing his yacht one night, in mid-Atlantic, fighting the worst
storm ever wreaked upon the world, when he found it.  He saw it in the
depth, where it had sunk to escape the reach of men.  He saw the towers
of Atlantis shining on the bottom of the ocean.  It was a sight of such
kind that when one had seen it, one could no longer wish to look at the
rest of the earth.  John Galt sank his ship and went down with his entire
crew.  They all chose to do it ...
%%
Who is John Galt?

John Galt is Prometheus who changed his mind.  After centuries of
being torn by vultures in payment for having brought to men the fire
of the gods, he broke his chains and he withdrew his fire  -- until
the day when men withdraw their vultures.
%%
Who is more foolish, the fool, or he who follows the fool?
%%
Who is on 1st.  What is on 2nd.  I Don't Know is on 3rd.
%%
Who is so deafe or so blinde as is hee
That wilfully will neither heare nor see?
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. ix
%%
Who is the FatherBoard of this Baby Tower?
%%
Who is the oldest inhabitant of this village?
 We haven't got one; we had one, but he died three weeks ago.
%%
Who is there whom bright and agreeable children do not attract to
play and creep and prattle with them?
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Concerning a Person whom he treated with Disregard,
 -- Discourses, Book ii, Chap. xxiv
%%
Who is the Vice President of The Hair Club for Men???
%%
Who is "they" anyway?
%%
Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xxxviii, 2
%%
Who is this Waldron and why is he decompiling your code?
%%
Who is wise?  He who learns from everyone.
Who is powerful?  He who governs his passions.
Who is rich?  He who is content.
Who is that?  Nobody.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Who is W. O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
%%
Who is worse: Lawyer, Politician, Reporter?
%%
Who is worse shod than the shoemaker's wife?
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Who keeps the keys of all the creeds.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xxiii, Stanza 2
%%
Who Killed Cock Robin?: Howard I. Know
%%
Who killed Laura Palmer????
%%
Who Killed Superman?
%%
Who knew?
 -- Standard disclaimer
%%
Who knows a fool, must know his brother; for one will recommend another.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
Who knows for what we live, and struggle, and die? ...
Wise men write many books, in words too hard to understand.
But this, the purpose of our lives, the end of all our struggle,
is beyond all human wisdom.
 -- Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
%%
Who knows? Maybe it's that Liberal Truth Allergy?
%%
Who knows? Who cares? Who votes?
%%
 (Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and
 noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":)
 We're not here now,
 We're not here now,
 Don't hang up,
 Don't hang up,
 Leave your name and number,
 Leave your name and number,
 We'll call back,
 We'll call back.
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
Who let Ross Perot out of his padded cell?
%%
Who lined himself with hope,
Eating the air on promise of supply.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Wholly without foundation, informed sources insist, are rumors that
John Anderson will announce a running-mate just as soon as he receives
a confidential medical advisory on the feasibility of his being cloned.
 -- National Review
%%
Who loathes you, and who do you love?  CTHULHU!
%%
Who loves a garden loves a greenhouse too.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iii, The Garden, Line 566
%%
Who loves me well, loves my dog also.
 -- Proverb
%%
Who loves, raves- 'tis youth's phrenzy; but the cure is bitterer still.
 -- Byron
%%
Who love too much, hate in the like extreme,
And both the golden mean alike condemn.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xv, Line 79
%%
Who made the world I cannot tell;
'Tis made, and here am I in hell.
My hand, though now my knuckles bleed,
I never soiled with such a deed.
 -- A. E. Housman
%%
Who makes quick use of the moment, is a genius of prudence.
 -- Johann Kaspar Lavater
%%
Whom are you? said he, for he had been to night school.
 -- George Ade
%%
Who may, in the ambush of my name, strike home.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
Who, me?
 -- Alfred E. Newman
%%
Who...Me? Just as soon as I check the BBS
%%
Who? Me, Officer?
%%
Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
%%
Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 911
%%
"Whom the gods love die young," was said of yore.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iv, Stanza 12
%%
Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.
 -- Euripides
%%
Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC.
%%
Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach MS-DOS.
%%
Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach Windows...
%%
Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews xii, 6
%%
Whom they have injured they also hate.
 -- Seneca (8 BC)
 -- De Ira, ii, 33
%%
Whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster.
 -- Edgar A. Poe (1809-1849)
 -- The Raven
%%
Who needs a house out in Hackensack?
%%
Who needs a real life when I have a modem?
%%
Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Who needs comedians? Journalists are much more laughable!
%%
Who needs dignity when you can be in the show business?
%%
Who needs drugs?  I go broke buying Sci-Fi!
%%
Who needs fantasy when you can have physics?
%%
Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
%%
Who needs lime jello?  We had lasagna...
 -- In Joke Hall of Fame
%%
Who needs more than 1024K? - Megan Byte
%%
Who needs rational when your toes curl up?
%%
Who needs Tag lines, Anyway???
%%
Who needs to diet? Download a virus to remove the FAT.
%%
Who needs to do the weather? There are so many health clubs that need a
 spokesman.
%%
Who needs TV... have modem.
%%
Who needs Valium when you have a cat you can pet!
%%
Who ne'er his bread in sorrow ate,
  Who ne'er the mournful midnight hours
Weeping upon his bed has sate,
  He knows you not, ye Heavenly Powers.
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- Motto, Hyperion, Book i
%%
Who ne'er knew joy but friendship might divide,
Or gave his father grief but when he died.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epitaph on the Hon. S. Harcourt
%%
Who ne'er knew salt, or heard the billows roar.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xi, Line 153
%%
Who never ate his bread in sorrow,
  Who never spent the darksome hours
Weeping, and watching for the morrow,--
  He knows ye not, ye gloomy Powers.
 -- Goethe (1749-1832)
 -- Wilhelm Meister, Book ii, Chap. xiii
%%
Whoops, I formatted the root disk.
%%
Whoops, stepped on a frog.
%%
Who overcomes
By force, hath overcome but half his foe.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 648
%%
Who owns a reg version of Telix?  Craig Humphrey does :-)
%%
Who pants for glory finds but short repose:
A breath revives him, or a breath o'erthrows.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 300
%%
Who polices the moderators?
%%
Who protects us from the protectors?
%%
Who publishes the sheet-music of the winds or the music of water written in
river-lines?
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
Who purposely cheats his friend, would cheat his God.
 -- Lavater
%%
Who put the "arse" in Arsenio?
%%
Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?
%%
Who put the booger on my beer mug?
%%
Who put the fly in Mrs. Murphy's chowder?
%%
Who put these under the phone?
 -- Forester, Planet of Giants
%%
Who ran
Through each mode of the lyre, and was master of all.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- On the Death of Sheridan
%%
Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My mother.
 -- Jane Taylor (1783-1824)
 -- My Mother
%%
Who reformatted the root disk?
%%
Whore House: You F**k 'em, we'll suck 'em!
%%
Who remembers the Armenians?  The world did nothing then. It will
do nothing now.
 -- Adolf Hitler, when advised that his genocidal policies
 -- might cause negative world reaction
%%
Who remembers when Saturns were rockets, not cars?
%%
Whores solicit. Solicitors ...?  Agents get a percentage!
%%
Who's afraid of the garbage collector? 
%%
Who said Clinton isn't good for the economy? K-Y jelly sales are up.
%%
Who said that sex wasn't fun ??
%%
Who said TV is a vast <burp< wasteland?
%%
Who said you could do what you do?
 -- Red Hot Chili Peppers
%%
Who says '1+1' REALLY equals '2'?
%%
Who says hedgehogs are of no value to the economy? In New
Zealand they make up approximately 1.7% of the roading.
%%
Who says I am not under the special protection of God?
 -- Adolf Hitler
%%
Who says I'm paranoid, and why do they want to know?
%%
Who says in verse what others say in prose.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle i, Book ii, Line 202
%%
Who says you can't have it all?
a. Michelob Light.
b. Heidegger.
c. The IRS.
 -- A sane man
%%
Who's better for furniture?   NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY!!!!
%%
Whose belief is correct and how do we prove it?
%%
Whose cockloft is unfurnished.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, The Author's Prologue to the Fifth Book
%%
WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Who sees all beings in his own Self, and his own
 Self in all beings, loses all fear.
 -- Isa Upanishad
%%
Who sees with equal eye, as God of all,
A hero perish or a sparrow fall,
Atoms or systems into ruin hurl'd,
And now a bubble burst, and now a world.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 87
%%
Who sees with equal eye, as God of all,
A hero perish or a sparrow fall.
Who shall decide when doctors disagree,
And soundest casuists doubt, like you and me?
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 1
%%
  Whose faith has centre everywhere,
Nor cares to fix itself to form.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- In Memoriam, xxxiii, Stanza 1
%%
Whose game was empires and whose stakes were thrones,
Whose table earth, whose dice were human bones.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Age of Bronze, Stanza 3
%%
Whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame.
 -- New Testament
 -- Philippians iii 19
%%
Whose laser thru yonder saucer section cuts? 'Tis the Borg
%%
Whose life is a bubble, and in length a span.
 -- William Browne (1590-1645)
 -- Britannia's Pastorals, Book i, Song 2
%%
Whose lines are mottoes of the heart,
Whose truths electrify the sage.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Ode to the Memory of Burns
%%
Whose little body lodg'd a mighty mind.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book v, Line 999
%%
Whose merchants are princes.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah xxiii, 8
%%
Whose picture is on the $3 bill?  Clinton, of course!
%%
Whose service is perfect freedom.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Collect for Peace
%%
Whose sore task
Does not divide the Sunday from the week.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Whose talk is of bullocks.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Ecclesiasticus xxxviii, 25
%%
Whose undertakings are all devoid of desires and purpose, and whose
actions have been burnt by fire-of-knowledge, him the wise call a sage.
 -- Gita, Chapter 4, Verse 19.
%%
Whose well-taught mind the present age surpast.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book vii, Line 210
%%
Whose wit in the combat, as gentle as bright,
Ne'er carried a heart-stain away on its blade.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- On the Death of Sheridan
%%
Whose words all ears took captive.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), All 's Well that Ends Well
 -- Act v, Sc. 3
%%
Whose yesterdays look backwards with a smile.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night ii, Line 334
%%
Who sez Amelhicans are rhazy?
%%
Who shall silence all the airs and madrigals that whisper softness in chambers?
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Areopagitica
%%
Who shall stand guard over the guards themselves?
 -- Juvenal
%%
Who shits in the forest must remember where when lost.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
Who's hogging all that virtual storage??!?
Let GFS find the culprit!
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 11.0 Chapter 11.  GETMAIN, FREEMAIN, STORAGE (GFS) Trace
%%
Who's in or out, who moves the grand machine,
Nor stirs my curiosity, or spleen;
Secrets of state no more I wish to know
Than secret movements of a puppet-show;
Let but the puppets move, I've my desire,
Unseen the hand which guides the master wire.
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
Whosinsane? SADDAM, that's who!
%%
Whos Jim Varney?, he asked earnestly?
%%
Who soars too near the sun, with golden wings, melts them; to ruin
his own fortune brings.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvi, 27
%%
Whosoever commands the sea commands the trade; whosoever commands the trade of
the world commands the riches of the world, and, consequently the world itself.
 -- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
Whosoever pulls this disk from this drive is rightful King of all IBM!
%%
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by
pestilence so why bother shaving?
 -- Woody Allen
 -- Without Feathers
%%
Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other
also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy
coat, let him have thy cloak also.
 -- Matthew V, 39
%%
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xviii, 22
%%
Who so loves believes the impossible.
 -- Elizabeth Barrett Browning
%%
Who's on first?
%%
"Who's on first."
     "I don't know!"
"No, he's on third."
     "Who is?"
"No, he's on first."
     "Who?"
"That's right."
 -- Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
%%
Who so shall telle a tale after a man,
He moste reherse, as neighe as ever he can,
Everich word, if it be in his charge,
All speke he never so rudely and so large;
Or elles he moste tellen his tale untrewe,
Or feinen thinges, or finden wordes newe.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 733
%%
Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Genesis ix, 6
%%
Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Who's responsible for the riots? The rioters!
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle giving an intelligent,
 --  in-depth analysis of the LA riots. (Herb Caen, SF Chronicle)
%%
Who's scruffy-looking?
 -- Han Solo
%%
Who started this tagline business, anyway?
%%
Who stemm'd the torrent of a downward age.
 -- James Thomson (1700-1748)
 -- The Seasons, Summer, Line 1516
%%
Who's The Scumbag That Siphoned The Blood Out Of My Cat!?
%%
Who's to bless and who's to blame?
%%
wHO STOLE mY cAPS kEY?
%%
Who stole the cork from my breakfast?
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Who teach- don't know. Who know- don't teach.
%%
Who tells a lie to save his credit wipes his nose on his sleeve to save his
 napkin.
 -- James Howell
%%
Who that hath ever been
  Could bear to be no more?
Yet who would tread again the scene
  He trod through life before?
 -- James Montgomery (1771-1854)
 -- The Falling Leaf
%%
Who the Dickens wrote "Oliver Twist", anyway?
%%
Who the heck reads taglines anyway?
%%
Who the hell's Paul Abdul?
 -- Erik Bennett
%%
Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
 -- Harry M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
%%
Who then is free?  The wise man who can command himself.
 -- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Who then to frail mortality shall trust
But limns on water, or but writes in dust.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- The World
%%
Who think too little, and who talk too much.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Absalom and Achitophel, Part i, Line 534
%%
Who threw those pies?!?  {]====----    {]====----   {]====----
%%
Who to himself is law no law doth need,
Offends no law, and is a king indeed.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Bussy D'Ambois, Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Who told you I was paranoid?!  It was THEM, wasn't it?!
%%
Who to patch up his fame, or fill his purse,
Still pilfers wretched plans, and makes them worse;
Like gypsies, lest the stolen brat be known,
Defacing first, then claiming for his own.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764), The Apology, Line 232
%%
Who track the steps of glory to the grave.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Monody on the Death of Sheridan, Line 74
%%
Who waite for dead men shall goe long barefoote.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Who want Rebel Assualt anyway!! [Not 4 Sale]!!
%%
Who wants the gold? It's the RAINBOW I am after!!
%%
Who was Bruce Clarke?
%%
Who was Casper the Friendly Ghost before he died?
%%
Who was Dan Walsh?
%%
Who was Dave Cardinal?
%%
Who was Evan Adams?
%%
Who was Frank Suchomel?
%%
Who was it then, Captain?
(replacing receiver) Strangely enough, it was Pope Gregory the Ninth,
  inviting me for drinks about his steam yacht, the 'Saucy Sue',
  currently wintering in Montego Bay with the English cricket team and
  the Balinese Goddess of Plenty.
Really?
...No, not really.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Who was Jim Voll?
%%
Who was Karl Danz?
%%
Who was Lorrie Duval?
%%
Who was Steve Saperstein?
%%
"Who was that?"
"Who--the man with the five heads ant the elderberry bush full of kippers?"
"Yes."
"I don't know.  Just someone."
"Ah."
 -- Arthur and Ford, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Who was the most elastic man in the Bible?
Mohab, because he hitched his ass to a tree and walked nine miles.
%%
Who watches the Watchmen?
%%
Who we are never changes. Who we think we are ...does.
%%
Who well lives, long lives; for this age of ours
Should not be numbered by years, daies, and hours.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Fourth Day, Book ii
%%
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
%%
Who, what, when and with who?
%%
Who will not mercie unto others show,
How can he mercy ever hope to have?
 -- Edmund Spenser (1553-1599)
 -- The Faerie Queene, Book v, Canto ii, St. 42
%%
Who will protect the public when the police violate the law?
 -- Ramsey Clark
%%
WHO WILLS CAN-WHO TRIES DOES-WHO LOVES LIVES.
%%
Who will take care of the world after you're gone?
%%
Who with a body filled and vacant mind
Gets him to rest, crammed with distressful bread.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Who wooed in haste, and means to wed at leisure.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Taming of the Shrew
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in in
Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in
Czechoslovakia.  Unbelievable.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
     Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring
%%
Who would imagine that i^2 = -1?
%%
Who would you trust with your daughter? Rush Limbaugh or Howard Stern?
%%
Who ya gonna call? ECHO BUSTERS!
%%
Who ya gonna call?.....**** Virus Busters **** !!!
%%
WHP     Wave Hands over Problem
%%
WHP: Wave Hands over Program
%%
Why administrators are respected and schoolteachers are not: An administrator
is paid a lot for doing very little, while a teacher is paid very little for
doing a lot.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Why, all the souls that were, were forfeit once;
And He that might the vantage best have took
Found out the remedy. How would you be,
If He, which is the top of judgment, should
But judge you as you are?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.
Why a man would want *two* wives is a bigamystery.
%%
Why am I asking all these things?
%%
Why am I lying on the floor. In this undignified position, with the
  four of you standing over me, displaying expressions of...
 -- Data, "The Schizoid Man", stardate 42437.5
%%
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can remember them.
%%
Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
%%
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations
 when smoking is prohibited there?
%%
Why are Earth people so parochial?
%%
Why are electrons patriotic?
Because they go to the poles and volt.
%%
Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion.
%%
Why are <ethnic> toilet paper rolls 2 miles long?
The first 1.5 miles are instructions.
%%
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids?
 Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was
 true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.
 -- Robert Schimmel
%%
Why are love and relationships so confusing?
%%
Why are manhole covers round? How many gas stations are there in the US?
 -- Interview questions asked by Microsoft, 1992
%%
Why are many scientists using lawyers for medical
experiments instead of rats?
 a)  There are more lawyers than rats.
 b)  The scientist's don't become as
emotionally attached to them.
 c)  There are some things that even rats
won't do for money.
%%
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
%%
Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.
%%
Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
%%
Why aren't aeroplanes made of the stuff used in "Black Boxes"?
%%
Why aren't Conservatives interested in conservation?
%%
Why aren't lawyers sworn in during trials?
%%
Why aren't the members of the NRA required to do weekend National Guard
 Duty? That is a well regulated militia.
%%
Why aren't there ever any GUILTY bystanders?
%%
Why aren't there many Hannukah specials on tv?
%%
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
 -- Woody Allen, Without Feathers
%%
Why are people so unkind?
 -- Kamahl
%%
Why are programmers criticized for re-inventing the wheel, when car
manufacturers are praised for it?
%%
Why are the good women married?
%%
Why are there flotation devices under plane
 seats instead of parachutes?
%%
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
%%
Why are there no black M&M's?
%%
Why are there no blue M&M's?
%%
Why are there no day-glo M&M's?
%%
Why are there no fuchsia M&M's?
%%
Why are there no grey M&M's?
%%
Why are there no lavender M&M's?
%%
Why are there no mauve M&M's?
%%
Why are there no pink M&M's?
%%
Why are there no polka dot M&M's?
%%
Why are there no purple M&M's?
%%
Why are there no red M&M's?
%%
Why are there no tan M&M's?
%%
Why are there no white M&M's?
%%
Why are there so many actors in this movie?
%%
Why are there so many gnarly limbs on my family tree?
%%
Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
%%
Why are they still called tennis shoes, even though few people actually play
tennis in them?
%%
Why are we all put here to suffer and die?
%%
Why are we here? Because we are here. Roll the bones.
%%
Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'?   I could
have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.
 -- Ian Shoales
%%
Why are we surprised when politicians play politics?  It's not like
they are supposed to be real adults... they are, after all, politicians
and don't have real jobs and aren't playing around with their money.
 -- Max
%%
Why are women so stupid?  No penis to think with.
%%
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers? Men don't like
 flowers. I've been wearing a great scent. It's called New Car Interior.
 -- Rita Rudner
%%
Why are you carrying that fish around?  For the halibut..
%%
Why are you doing this to me?
Because knowledge is torture, and there must be
awareness before there is change.
 -- Jim Starlin, "Captain Marvel #29"
%%
Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!
%%
Why are you looking down here? The message is up there!
%%
Why are you looking for more knowledge when you do not pay attention to what
you already know?
%%
Why are you reading this?  The message is above.
%%
Why are you so hard to ignore?
%%
Why ask me? I'm just visiting reality.
%%
Why ask why? Drink until you die.
%%
Why ask why, just shut up and die.
%%
Why ask why? Why ask why!?  Oh, just shut up and drink the damn beer!
%%
Why be a man when you can be a success?
 -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
Why beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, it is well not to
 underestimate the work of the beholdee in this work. Have your eyes ever
 been checked? No, they've always been brown!
%%
Why be born again, when you can just grow up?
%%
Why be conservative when you can wear blinders all your life?
%%
Why be difficult when with just a little effort you can be impossible?
%%
Why beer is better: Eating cucumbers to forget doesn't work.
%%
Why beer is better: it's always in season.
%%
Why be influenced by a person when you already are one?
 -- Martin Mull
%%
Why be NoRmAl?
%%
Why be Politically Correct when you CAN be RIGHT?
%%
Why, Bill?  Cosby Causby Causeby Causebecause because because...
%%
Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until
 we use the ones we have?
%%
Why bother checking for traps?
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Why bother, life sucks, bill gates needs to spend more time with his mac
%%
Why bother phoning a psychic?  Let them phone you!
%%
Why bother? said Pooh.
%%
Why Bother With Taglines?
%%
Why buy Cologne when you can wipe a magazine on you.
%%
Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
%%
Why call them back from heaven?
%%
Why C++ and not ++C?
%%
Why can one call the time component of the preceding 4-vector by the name
 energy?   For two reasons:  First, because this time component has the correct
 units -- the units of mass...
 -- From Spacetime Physics by Taylor and Wheeler
%%
Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.
%%
Why can't Cajun be a minority?
%%
Why can't I say 'Big Hard Disk' in echomail?
%%
Why can't I use my A.M. radio in the afternoons!?!
%%
Why can't life have a "Snooze" button?
%%
Why can't life's big problems come when we are twenty and know everything?
%%
"Why can't we ever attempt to solve a problem in this country without
having a 'War' on it?"
 -- Rich Thomson
%%
Why can't we just spell it orderves?
%%
Why can't you be a non-conformist -- like everone else?
%%
Why can't you remember to put the toilet seat BACK DOWN?
%%
Why can't your mind be as open as your mouth always is?
%%
Why can you never buy a bottle of shampoo without 25 percent extra in it?
%%
Why can you only have two doors on a chicken coop?
 If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.
%%
"Why Cars Stop Moving" by M. T. Tank
%%
Why comes temptation, but for man to meet
And master and make crouch beneath his foot,
And so be pedestaled in triumph?
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- The Ring and the Book, The Pope, Line 1185
%%
Why did Bach have 20 children?
He had no stops on his organ.
%%
Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
%%
Why did Douglas Hofstadter cross the road?
To make this riddle possible.
%%
Why did Mozart kill his chickens?
Because they kept saying Bach, Bach!!
%%
Why did (neighboring hated state) raise the drinking age to 31?
To keep the high schoolers out of the bars.
%%
Why didn't anyone tell me I have a bullet wound in my forehead?
%%
Why didn't Dr. Pepper have any children?
He only comes in a bottle.
%%
Why Didn't Jesus go to college?
Because he got nailed on the boards.
%%
Why didn't Noah just SWAT those two flies?!?
%%
Why didn't Santa Claus have any children?
Because he only comes once a year, and it's down a chimney.
%%
Why didn't they design compact discs to hold ninety minutes?
%%
Why didn't we do this six years ago?
"We were not ready."
I was.
"No. We were both too young, too unaware. We lacked commitment."
Perhaps we lacked the courage as well.
 -- K'Ehleyr and Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Why did Shakespeare use so many famous quotations in his work?
%%
Why did she love him ?
Curious fool - be still -
Is human love the growth of the human will ?
 -- Lord Byron
%%
Why did the Albanion working class revolt?
%%
Why did the blonde have a bruised navel? Her boyfriend's blonde, too.
%%
Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
From trying to blow out light bulbs.
%%
Why did the Chtorran cross the road?
To eat everything on the other side.
%%
Why did the Chtorran eat Mt. Everest?
Because it was there.
%%
Why did the Chtorran eat only one of the Vice-President's legs?
It didn't want to leave him without a leg to stand on.
%%
Why did the Clintons send Chelsea to a private school?
 The secret service would be out-gunned at a public school.
%%
Why did the elephant wear sunglasses?
He didn't want to be recognized.

Why did the grape wear sunglasses.
It wanted to be an elephant.
%%
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
%%
Why did the Howells pack so much for a three hour tour?
%%
Why did the LDS couple stop after three children?
Because they read that every fourth child born is Chinese.
%%
Why did the light bulb cross the road?
Because it saw two elephants coming.
%%
Why did the light bulb fall out of the tree?
Cos Christmas tree decorations are always cheap and
nasty.
%%
Why did the light bulb fall out of the tree?
Cos it was autumn. (eh?)
%%
Why did the light bulb fall out of the tree?
Cos it was doing an impersonation of the sun, setting.
%%
Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of
 movement unless it was to avoid responsibility with?
%%
Why did the Mafia kill Einstein?
 He knew too much.
%%
Why did the program counter increment?
To get to the next instruction.
%%
Why did the programmer call his mother long distance?
Because that was her name.
%%
Why did the `Real Man' sit in the dark?
He couldn't find a new light bulb and was too embrassed to ask.
%%
Why did the Roman Empire collapse?  What is the Latin for office
 automation?
%%
Why did the tachyon cross the road?  Because it was on the other side.
%%
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
%%
"Why did you do that?  Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam!"
 -- Samuel Goldwyn,
 -- on being told that a friend had named his son Sam, after him
%%
Why did you hire that idiot?
    You can't fool all of the people all of the time, so I'm breeding
    them for stupidity.
 -- President Weishaupt
%%
Why do all obscene phone callers sound like they have asthma?
%%
Why do butterflies lives for such a short time, when eating cabbage is
 supposed to be so healthy?
%%
why_do_c_programmers_type_like_this(char *FAR OUT);
%%
Why do divorces cost so much? - Because they're worth it!
%%
Why do dragons sleep during the day?  So they can fight knights.
%%
Why does a dentist ask you if it hurts only when you can't answer?
%%
Why does a mosquito bite your ear? And who cares? The answer is simple,
  call an exterminator.
 -- Dr. Stubbs, "Evolution", stardate 43125.8
%%
Why does a ringing telephone take precedence over everything else in the
 known universe?
%%
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
%%
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain
 that he's not the man she married?
%%
Why does Bill cheat on his wife? Hillary doesn't put out for any man.
%%
Why does cargo go by ship, but shipments go by truck?
%%
Why does Clinton want to send 10,000 Americans to Bosnia?
%%
Why does free love cost so much?
%%
Why does grass smell only when you mow it?
%%
Why does it hurt when I pee?
My balls feel like a pair of maracas!
I got it from the toilet seat!
It jumped right up and grabbed my meat!
 -- Frank Zappa, Lyrics to "Joe's Garage"
%%
Why does it matter if we all put our pants on one leg at a time?
%%
Why does love got to be so sad?
%%
Why does man kill?  He kills for food.  And not only food: frequently
there must be a beverage.
 -- Woody Allen, Without Feathers
%%
Why does my wife use my diskettes as coasters?
%%
Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have
more lawyers?

New Jersey had first choice.
%%
Why does Noriega have so many holes in his face?
From learning to eat with a fork!!!!!
%%
Why doesn't a baby fall out? It's screwed in.
%%
Why doesn't any businesses want to take a MINOR credit card?
%%
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
%%
Why doesn't encrypted mean the same as entombed?
%%
Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?
 -- Jimmy Durante
%%
Why doesn't high impact plastic survive high impacts?
%%
Why Doesn't Ice Cream Have Any Bones???
%%
Why doesn't life come with subtitles?
%%
Why doesn't the Bat Computer ever crash?
%%
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
 -- Rod Schmidt
%%
Why doesn't the speaker who admits that "As a public speaker, I'm not very
 good," simply sit down after that, rather than give us a lengthy and
 tedious demonstration.
%%
Why doesn't your family tree fork?
%%
Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers?  Have the people
 we've been bombing over the years been complaining?
 -- George Wallace
%%
Why does the AT&T logo look like the Death Star?
%%
Why does the computer you really want always cost $5000?
%%
Why does the evening, does the night, put warmer love in our hearts?
Is it the nightly pressure of helplessness? Or is it the exalting
separation from the turmoils of life, that veiling of the world in
which for the soul nothing there remains but souls? It is therefore
that the letters in which the loved name stands written in our spirit
appears like phosphorous writing by night, in fire, while by day,
in their cloudy traces, they but smoke?
 -- Richter
%%
Why does the person that snores always fall asleep first?
%%
Why does the porridge bird lay his egg in the air?
%%
Why does there have to be an end to the rainbow? Can't we just let
beauty exist without trying to prove that it dies?

 -- Spite, The University of Akron
%%
Why does the sun never set on the English Empire?
Because even God does not trust the English in the dark.
 -- Told to me by an Irishman (naturally)
%%
Why does the U.S.S. ENTERPRISE ("Star Trek") stock so much toilet paper?
To wipe out the Klingons around Uranus.
%%
Why does the Vatican have Lightning Rods?
%%
Why does this guy use all these damned ellipses?
%%
Why does this magnificent applied science, which saves work and makes
life easier, bring us so little happiness?  The simple answer runs:
Because we have not yet learned to make sensible use of it.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Why do five pins seem like a little, but five elephants seem like a lot?
%%
Why do floorboards creak only after midnight?
%%
Why do fools fall in love?
%%
Why do good looking Blondes dye their roots black?
%%
Why do I do these things to myself?
%%
Why do I do this? Money, lots and lots of money.
%%
Why do I drink?   I drink so I can write poetry.
 -- James Douglas Morrison
%%
Why do I get the feeling that this is a setup?
%%
Why do I get the impression that when politicians talk of "family values"
in government, they really mean "treat the voters like children?"
 -- Mark J Bradakis
%%
Why do I have to have a bag on my head?
In order, nin-com-poop, that she should believe you're her husband!
Why..did he use to wear a bag on his head?
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Head
%%
Why do I have to Work for a living?
%%
Why do I live in the desert? Because the desert is the *locus Dei*.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Why do I run a BBS?  Because I'm an IDIOT!
%%
Why do I write? I write to entertain my friends and to exasperate our enemies.
To unfold the folded lie, to record to truth of our time, and, of course, to
promote esthetic bliss.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Why do men go to war?   Because women are watching.
 -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Why do my fusion pistols keep exploding?!?
%%
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?  Because they taste funny.
%%
Why don't cats like to swim?
%%
Why don't chickens have lips?
%%
Why don't ease, lease, and please sound alike?
%%
Why don't elephants eat penguins ?

Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
%%
Why don't gods come with pull-down menus and online help?
%%
Why don't I get fresh air when I open a Window?
%%
Why don't lawyers lie on the beach? Cats would bury them.
%%
Why don't men often show their true feelings?
Because they don't have any.
%%
Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
%%
Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?
Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar,
but if they drink it at home, they only take one,
and if they drink it while visiting, they always take three.
%%
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
%%
Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic condition?
We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything under the sun,
whether we needed it or not, and now we are having to pay for it,
howling like a pet coon. This would be a great world to dance in
if we didn't have to pay the fiddler.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
Why don't the Japanese live in the mountains?   Certainly, they could;
apparently they just don't want to.
 -- elturner@phoenix.Princeton.EDU
%%
Why don't the men propose, Mamma?
  Why don't the men propose?
 -- Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797-1839)
 -- Why don't the Men propose?
%%
Why don't they call the "Bionic Woman" the "$6 million" woman?
%%
Why don't they have closed-captioned radio?
%%
Why don't they let government workers look out the window in the morning?
So they will have something to do in the afternoon.
%%
Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food?
%%
Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?
%%
Why don't we work on Labor Day?
%%
Why don't you blow your brains out? You've got nothing to lose.
%%
Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
 -- Groucho Marx (in Horse Feathers)
%%
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first
thing that pops up?
 -- Pick up line
%%
Why don't you come up and see me sometime?
 -- Mae West
%%
    "Why don't you conjure a legendary city, full of magic spells and mystic
beasts, out of thin air?" the uninformed client asks. "Well, where would you
put it?" the wise wizard replies. "Have you seen the price of real estate?"
 -- Ebenezum The Wizard's Handy Guide To Better
   Wizard/Client Relationships, fourth edition
%%
 Why don't you do it, then?   Look me in the eye.  Pull the
  trigger.  End my life.
 -- 7th Doctor, THE HAPPINESS PATROL
%%
Why don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin??
 Don't you know your own ZIPCODE?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Why don't you fix your little problem... and light this candle?
 -- Alan Shepherd [the first man into space, Gemini program]
%%
Why don't you get a toupee with some brains in it?
 -- Moe Howard
%%
Why don't you go play in the food processor?
%%
Why don't you leave and let live?
%%
Why don't you pair 'em up in threes?
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
Why don't you put on a tutu and go to a leather bar?
%%
Why don't you put your face in dough and make jackass cookies?
 -- Soupy Sales
%%
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like thumbscrews.
%%
Why don't you sue your brains for non-support?
%%
Why don't you try slipping on a pair of water moccasins?
%%
Why don't you wake up and smell what you shovelling?
 -- Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald Veljohnson), Die Hard
%%
Why don't you walk into a parking meter and violate yourself?
 -- Dick Cavett
%%
Why don't you write books people can read?
 -- Nora Joyce, to her husband James
%%
Why do other people hear our voices different than we do?
 Because their heads are full of mush.
%%
Why do pensioners have to eat catfood?
%%
Why do people cry when they're sad?
%%
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"?
I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back
and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
 -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
%%
Why do people persist in walking directly into the well-
marked, laser-sharpened, 80K rpm mill saw that is my ego?
%%
Why do people spend years writing a novel when they can
buy one for a few dollars?
%%
Why do politicians think it's federal money?
%%
Why do psychic shows have to advertise?
%%
Why do Red lights last longer than Green ones?
%%
Why do scottish people refuse to buy refrigerators?
They don't believe that the light will go out when you close the door.
%%
Why do smokers think they have the right to litter the world with cigarette
butts?
%%
Why do so many "Christians" worship an English king?
%%
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
%%
Why dost thou court that baneful pest, ambition?
 -- Potter
%%
Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies?  One eats leaves, and
 the other eats caterpillars.  Oh, I see now.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Why do the Clintons have only one child?  Hillary had a vasectomy.
%%
Why do the Kennedy men cry after sex?  MACE.
%%
Why do the police always travel in threes?
One does the reading, one the writing,
and the other keeps an eye on the two intellectuals.
%%
Why do the same people who support abortion vote for helmet laws?
%%
Why do they call a fast a fast, when it goes so slow?
%%
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Why do they call them briefings when they take SO LONG?
%%
Why do they have a rear window defroster on the Yugo?
So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it.
%%
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
%%
Why do they put locks on the doors of 24 hour stores?
%%
Why do they stop prison riots?
%%
Why do they tell us to watch "The Today Show" tomorrow?
%%
Why do they use alcohol preps when giving the lethal injection?
%%
Why doth one man's yawning make another yawn?
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 3, Subsect. 2
%%
Why do those that pay the least complain the most?
%%
Why do those who speak loudest always have the least to say?
%%
Why do tigers live in the jungle?
They hate city traffic.
%%
Why do tornadoes only hit trailer parks?
%%
Why do trans-atlantic transfers take so long?
    Electrons don't swim very fast.
 -- john@minster.york.ac.uk and whh@PacBell.COM
%%
Why do two colors, put one next to the other, sing? Can one really
explain this? no. Just as one can never learn how to paint.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Arts de France, no. 6 (Paris; 1946; tr. in Dore Ashton, Picasso
on Art, 1972).
%%
Why do Vulcans have pointed ears?
So they can count to twelve.
 -- "Mad Magazine"
%%
Why do we do it?  WE DON'T KNOW!
%%
Why do we drive on "parkways" and park on "driveways"?
%%
"Why do we expect documentation to accurately describe the product
 when the documentation is finished first?"
 -- ...understanding Documentation...
%%
Why do we expect our Presidents to control destiny when they cannot even
 control the House of Representatives?
 -- Russell Baker
%%
Why do we have two eyes?  To watch 3-D movies with.
%%
Why do we need a surgeon general anyway?
%%
Why do we read left to right yet turn pages right to left?
%%
Why do we study poverty instead of wealth?
%%
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
%%
Why do women always forget to put the seat back up ?
%%
Why do women wear a pair of panties and one bra?
%%
Why do writers write?  Because it isn't there.
 -- Thomas Berger
%%
Why do you go around telling everyone that you
are dying of AIDS when you are really dying of Cancer?

Because I don't want anyone screwing my wife when I'm dead.

 -- from Rodney Rude, Australian comedian (?) 4/12/91
%%
Why do you hang out with that sadist?
Beats me!
 -- B. Kliban
%%
Why do you have all this anger toward me?
A girl with long, dark hair broke my heart a long time ago. Out of
  bitterness and resentment, I turned to crime. How about this one,
  my mother abandoned me when I was a little boy. I never got the
  guidance that a wild, young man needed.
 -- Troi and Roga Danar, "The Hunted", stardate 43489.2
%%
Why do you lead me a wild-goose chase?
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. vi
%%
Why do you mock me? Why do you wish to anger me?
Only to see if it is still possible.
 -- Worf and Korris, "Heart of Glory", stardate 41503.7
%%
Why do you need a driver's license to buy
 liquor when you can't drink and drive?
%%
Why do you park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway???
%%
Why do your backups fail when you need them?
%%
Why do you read taglines?
%%
Why do you think they call it a joystick?
%%
Why do you think they call it birth **CONTROL**?
%%
Why do you think they call it "find"?
%%
Why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
%%
Why drive a Volkswagen when you can have a Rolls Royce?
%%
Why'd they bury Mozart?  Because he was decomposing.
%%
Why experiment on animals?  Use a liberal instead!
%%
Why experiment on animals?  Use a PETA member instead!
%%
Why experiment on animals with so many lawyers out there?
%%
Why explore the Universe? It is almost ironic that we should have to ask this
question because it is almost as though we have to apologize for our highest
attributes... we went to Mars, not because of our technology, but because of
our imagination.
 -- Norman Cousins
%%
Why fall in love when there's better things to do?
%%
Why fart and waste it when you could burp and taste it?
%%
Why fire engines are red:

Two plus two makes four.  Three times four makes twelve.  There are
twelve inches in a ruler.  Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.  Queen Elizabeth
is also a boat.  Boats sail on the ocean.  Fish live in the ocean.  Fish
have fins.  The Finns fought the Russians.  The Russians are red.  And
that's why fire engines are red, because they're Rushin' all over!
%%
Why flame it? It crashed and burned quite nicely by itself, thank you.
%%
Why for ARJ thou still using ancient Programs????
%%
Why get real when artificial is so much easier to keep
clean?
%%
Why give the person who has everything a box to keep it
in when it already comes in its own container?
%%
Why give the temperature of the airport??? No one lives there...
%%
WHY GOD WILL NEVER GET TENURE AT ANY UNIVERSITY 1. Only published
one book. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. He did
not publish it in referenced journals. 5. Some doubt He even wrote
it Himself. 6. He is not known for His cooperative work. 7. Sure,
He created the world, but what has He done lately? 8. He did not get
permission from any review board to work with human subjects. 9. When
one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning    all
the subjects. 10. When sample subjects do not behave as predicted,
He deletes the    whole sample. 11. He rarely comes to class-just
tells His students to read the Book. 12. It is rumored that He sometimes
lets His Son teach the class. 13. Although He only has 10 requirements,
His students often fail His tests. 14. He expelled His first two students
for learning. 15. His office hours were infrequent and usually held
on a mountain top.
 -- faculty members at Kansas State University
 -- instructors at Allen County Community College
%%
Why go second class when 1st class is only $25?
%%
Why grab possessions like thieves, or divide them like socialists,
when you can ignore them like wise men?
 -- Natalie Clifford Barney
%%
Why has not man a microscopic eye?
For this plain reason,--man is not a fly.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle i, Line 193
%%
Why?  Hasn't Bob had his shots?!
%%
Why hasn't TV come up with a popular show like "What's My Disease?"
%%
Why have cake if you can't eat it too..?
%%
Why her?
"Sir, I believe she was the intended target of the abduction."
'Why would they want to take a Federation hostage? Their fight doesn't
  involve us.'
"It does now."
 -- Picard, Worf, and Riker, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
Why, he's no fun, he fell right over!
%%
 "Why I Became A Woman" by Mike Hunt
 -- Booktip of the month
%%
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Why indeed!  Bud Mead!
%%
Why, in the Cape, the rain beats down so hard,it makes your head bleed.
Oh...some sort of hat is probably in order.
 -- Raleigh and Edmund : Potato
%%
Why I oppose the nuclear-arms race: I prefer the human race.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
%%
Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and
 everybody rushes to get a piece?
 -- Bobby Kelton
%%
Why is a falling piano like a career ?

If you dont C SHARP, you will B FLAT.

C - Committed      B - Broke
S - Skilled        F - Frustrated
H - Helpful        L - Left Behind
A - Accountable    A - Apathetic
R - Resourceful    T - Transient
P - Persistant
%%
Why is any object we don't understand always called a thing?
 -- McCoy, "The Motion Picture," stardate 7411.4
%%
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
%%
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
%%
Why is Cleopatra so resistant to therapy?
Because she is da Queen of da Nile
%%
Why is "dyslexia" so hard to spell?
%%
Why is "easy listening" so hard to listen to?
%%
Why is Education well rounded instead of well defined?
%%
Why is everyone complaining about "youth in Asia?"
%%
Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Why is it always due yesterday when tomorrow is already here??
%%
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
%%
Why is it everyone asks of me but no one asks for me?
%%
Why is it good to be rational?
%%
Why is it taking so long for her to bring out all the good in you?
%%
Why is it that broccoli has few calories and very little cholesterol,
 whereas ice cream is loaded with all this stuff?
%%
Why is it that Elvis is dead and *I'm* the one in Hell?
%%
Why is it that half the calories is twice the price?
%%
Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
%%
Why is it that nothing seems to keep a train on time so much
as your arriving at the station a little late?
%%
Why is it that people who know nothing are so quick to prove it?
%%
Why is it that political leaders don't seem to have all the answers
until they write their memoirs?
%%
Why is it that stupid questions are so hard to answer?
%%
Why is it that Swiss cheese has the holes when it's Gorgonzola that needs
 the ventilation?
 -- David Frost
%%
Why is it that the best taglines are always much too lon
%%
Why is it that the coyote can afford all that expensive ACME
equipment but he can't afford to go out to eat?
%%
Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
That's the Law of Spline Demand.
%%
Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are
horses?
 -- Gordon Liddy
%%
Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want
 to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would
 he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!
 -- Jackie Mason
%%
Why is it that we entertain the belief that for every purpose odd
numbers are the most effectual?
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book xxviii, Sect. 23
%%
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?
It is because we are not the person involved
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Why is it that when a man goes to hunt bear, it is sport, but when the bear
 comes to hunt man, it is violence?
%%
Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your
 HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER with you??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for
 an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
%%
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's
 called ashipment, but when you transport something by ship,
 it's called cargo?
%%
Why is it that you always have to rummage through the wastebasket for a
note right after you've just emptied your ashtray?
%%
Why is it, whenever a group of internationalists get together, they
always decide that Uncle Sam must be the goat?
 -- Bertrand H. Snell
%%
Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks
 to us we're schizophrenic?
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Why is Mike Tyson so happy? Cause he gets O.J. for breakfast
%%
Why Is My Printer Leaking? I Said SERIAL Not CEREAL @#*%
%%
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled "palindromeemordnilap"?
%%
Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it's said?
%%
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
 -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Why isn't there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?
%%
Why is Pascal a five cent language?
That's how much a Nicholas Wirth (Niklaus Wirth) (nickel is worth).
%%
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
%%
Why is reading a Playboy/Playgirl magazine like reading National Geographic?
You get to see a lot of great places you'll never get to visit.
 -- Heard on a local radio morning show
%%
Why is that every time I write F you see K?
%%
Why is that there are never enough days in a weekend?
%%
Why is the airport so far from the city?  That's where the planes land!
%%
Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
"Why is the camera moving
 around so much?"
  "It's a film style called
   cinema verite."
"Huh? What's that?"
  "It's a fancy French
   expression for 'sloppy
   camera work'."
 -- The Tracy Ullman Show
%%
Why is the cheese moving?
%%
Why is the Dept. of the *Interior* in charge of everything exterior?
%%
Why is the King of Hearts the only one without a moustache?
%%
Why is there air?  Have you ever tried breathing Cool Whip?
%%
Why is there air? To fill yours head.
%%
Why is the real lemon in the detergent and the artificial in the food?
%%
Why is there always a coffee stain on page 63 of your library book?
%%
Why is there always one teaspoon left in the bowl after you've done the
 washing-up?
%%
Why is there an Easter Bunny and not an Easter Chicken?
%%
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream????
%%
Why is there a watermelon on the bandsaw?
%%
Why is there no heating outside, where it's really cold?
%%
Why is the sky black?
 -- Lal to Data, "The Offspring", stardate 43657.0
%%
Why is the sun never overhead at noon?
%%
Why is the symbol for anarchy always written the same
way?
%%
Why is the word dictionary..... in the dictionary?
%%
Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?
 -- Artemus Ward
%%
Why is your nose black? Your snorting laser toner?
%%
WHY JOHNNY CAN'T READ-Now available on VHS (& multimedia)
%%
Why kill time when one can employ it.
 -- French proverb
%%
Why, let the stricken deer go weep,
  The hart ungalled play;
For some must watch, while some must sleep:
  So runs the world away.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
Why listen to reason when insanity prevails.
%%
Why look here for the joke? It's all around us.
%%
Why look thru Windows? Open the door to the future: OS/2
%%
Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world
Like a Colossus, and we petty men
Walk under his huge legs and peep about
To find ourselves dishonourable graves.
Men at some time are masters of their fates:
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Why marry a virgin? If she wasn't good enough for
 the rest of them then she isn't good enough for you.
%%
Why may not a goose say thus: "All the parts of the universe I have
an interest in: the earth serves me to walk upon, the sun to light
me; the stars have their influence upon me; I have such an advantage
by the winds and such by the waters; there is nothing that yon heavenly
roof looks upon so favourably as me. I am the darling of Nature! Is
it not man that keeps and serves me?"
 -- Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592)
 -- Essays, Book ii, Chap. xii, Apology for Raimond Sebond
%%
Why may not that be the skull of a lawyer? Where be his quiddities
now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures, and his tricks?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Why must every generation think their folks are square?
%%
Why must love always be accompanied--sooner or later--by sorrow and pain? Why
not? Because pure bliss is for pure idiots.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
you knowing nothing?
 -- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
%%
Why My Laughin' Sure Ain't Funny.
%%
Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in,
but when they are out they are another's.
 -- Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1681
%%
 Why no, Ossifer, I'm not under the alcofluence of incohol.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
Why Not?
%%
Why not be oneself? That is the whole secret of a successful appearance. If
 one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese?
 -- Edith Sitwell
%%
Why not go mad?
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
"Why Not" is in fact an excellent reason.
%%
Why not just press enter for a few days?
%%
Why not let her drive and use both hands?
%%
Why not outlaw heterosexuality instead of abortion?
Strike at the source!
%%
Why not REPLY and make this person happy!!
%%
Why not seize the pleasure at once, how often is happiness destroyed
by preparation, foolish preparations.
 -- Jane Austen
%%
Why not try peace? If we find war is better, it will
not be difficult to fight again
%%
Why of course it runs with Netware!
%%
Why on earth would an anarchist possibly want to kill you?
I think it might have been _you_ he was after, sir.
Oh, hogwash. What on earth makes you say that?
Well, my suspicions were first aroused by his use of the words,
  'Death to the Stupid Prince'.
 -- George and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Use the dollar as a bookmark.
 -- Fred Stoller
%%
Why reach for the musket when the custard pie will do?
%%
Why read it when you can print it?
%%
Why read the Docs....I'm already confused.
%%
Why's Clinton hiding under the table? We're serving draft beer.
%%
Why send missiles to Europe when you can armadillo?
%%
Why settle for the lesser evil?  Cthulhu for President.
%%
Why, she would hang on him,
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Why should a man whose blood is warm within,
Sit like his grandsire cut in alabaster?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Why should a worm turn? It's probably just the same on the other side.
 -- Irvin S. Cobb
%%
Why should freedom of speech and freedom of the press be allowed?
Why should a government which is doing what it believes is right allow
itself to be criticized?  It would not allow opposition by lethal
weapons.  Ideas are much more fatal things than guns.
 -- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Why should I add to my troubles by facing reality?
%%
Why should I be the one to do it? Why should it be done at all? Why should
 it be done now? Why should it be done this way?
%%
Why should I feel another man's mistakes more than his sickness or poverty?
%%
Why should I find nothing frightening?...
 -- Vila
%%
Why should I grow up?  This is more fun!
%%
Why should *I* have to pay for Congress' spending spree?
%%
"Why should I?" is the cry of work dodgers. Their aim is to do just enough to
get by. They are clock watchers who are afraid they will render more service
than they are paid to perform. They are too lazy to think, too selfish to put
their shoulders to the wheel in a common cause.
%%
Why should I move to a city where the only cultural advantage is that
I can make a right turn on a red light?
 -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%%
Why should I read? Its only words.
%%
Why should I trust you? . . . Shrinker
Because I have the gun! ...
 -- Avon
%%
Why should my liberty be restricted by another man's conscience?
 -- I Corinthians, 10:29
%%
Why shouldn't the American people take half my money from me?
I took all of it from them.
%%
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction?  Fiction, after all,
has to make sense.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
Why shouldn't WOMEN have to put the toilet seat back UP?!
%%
Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children,
and not for the education of all adults of every age?
 -- Erich Fromm
%%
Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate
enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is
because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he
hears, however measured or far away.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"
%%
Why should we bother to reply to Kautski? He would reply to us and we would
have to reply to his reply. There's no end to that. It will be quite enough
for us to announce that Kautski is a traitor to the working class, and
everyone will understand everything.
 -- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Why should we do anything for Posterity?
What's the bugger ever done for us?
%%
Why should we faint and fear to live alone,
  Since all alone, so Heaven has willed, we die?
Nor even the tenderest heart, and next our own,
  Knows half the reasons why we smile and sigh.
 -- John Keble (1792-1866)
 -- The Christian Year, Twenty-fourth Sunday after Trinity
%%
Why should we pay any attemtion to you?
%%
Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?
 -- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
Why should we take advice on sex from the Pope.
If he knows anything, he shouldn't
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Why should you bury your lawyer?
Because deep down inside, he's a good guy.
%%
Why's J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?
I don't know, he's on everyone elses!
 -- _Clue_
%%
Why so pale and wan, fond lover?
    Prithee, why so pale?
Will, when looking well can't move her,
    Looking ill prevail?
    Prithee, why so pale?
 -- Sir John Suckling (1609-1641)
 -- Song
%%
Why stop now?   Just when I'm hating it.
 -- Marvin
%%
Why stop now when it's getting bad.
%%
Why strive for knowledge of reality, if this knowledge cannot aid us in life?
%%
Why study? The more you study the more you know, the more you know
the more you can forget, the more you can forget, the more you do
forget, the more you forget the less you know. So why study?
 -- Robert Ripley
%%
Why teach people to type with both hands when they can type
faster with one finger than they can think.
%%
Why the critics, like a flock of ducks, always move in perfect unison: Their
authority with the public depends upon an appearance of unanimous agreement.
One dissenting voice would shatter the whole fragile structure.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Why then do the Wicked Prosper?
%%
Why, then, do you walk as if you had swallowed a ramrod?
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. xxi
%%
Why, then the world 's mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Why, then 'tis none to you; for there is nothing either good or bad,
but thinking makes it so:  to me it [Denmark] is a prison.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Why, the public love me! Only the other day I was out in the street
  and they sang, 'We hail Prince George! We hail Prince George!'
'We _hate_ Prince George', sir. 'We _hate_ Prince George'.
 -- George and Edmund : Dish and Dishonesty
%%
Why the ticket? The sign says "Fine for Parking".
%%
Why think when Rush Limbaugh wants to do it for you?
%%
Why this is Hell, nor am I out of it.
 -- Christopher Marlowe (1564-1593)
%%
Why torture yourself when life will do it for you?
 -- Laura Walker
%%
Why training bras?  What can we teach them.
%%
Why USA fails? Radio Shack=USA's Technology Store.
%%
Why use anything but Telix for communications?
%%
Why waltz when you can ROCK AND ROLL?????
%%
Why was I born with such contemporaries?
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Why wasn't I born rich instead of beautiful?
%%
Why waste negative entropy on comments, when you could use the same
entropy to create bugs instead?
 -- Steve Elias
%%
Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous?
 -- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Why was the Ferranti flag taken down?   Jim Adamoli says that it was
 drooping too much.  A new flag is being made out of silk so that it
 will better catch the wind.
 -- bulletin to employees

Oh, yeah, the irony was too f*cking much!!!     It was made of broader,
 ``better-quality'' cloth, but it wouldn't fly.  Remind you of anything?
 -- Name Witheld For Obvious Reasons
%%
Why was Worf stuck to the ceiling?  Static Klingon!
%%
Why watch MST3K?  Go to the cinema and *YOU* can be the one talking.
%%
Why we need liberals:
%%
Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate
problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim
in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish
and ignorant?  Is it not a spectacle to make the angels laugh?We are
a company of ignorant beings, feeling our way through mists and
darkness, learning only be incessantly repeated blunders, obtaining a
glimmering of truth by falling into every conceivable error, dimly
discerning light enough for our daily needs, but hopelessly differing
whenever we attempt to describe the ultimate origin or end of our
paths; and yet, when one of us ventures to declare that we don't know
the map of the universe as well as the map of our infinitesimal parish,
he is hooted, reviled, and perhaps told that he will be damned to all
eternity for his faithlessness...
 -- Leslie Stephen (1832-1904), "An agnostic's Apology",
   Fortnightly Review, 1876
%%
Why, when people pray, do they invariably ask for something?
%%
Why? Why! because I laugh.
%%
Why won't my floppy act like a hard disk sometimes?
%%
Why won't sharks eat lawyers?   Professional courtesy.
%%
Why won't this dang thing work?
%%
Why work for a living when you can die for art?
%%
           //   Why work for a living,
 ()========[>=================================--
            \\   when you can learn with a passion
%%
Why worry about tomorrow, when today is so far off?
%%
Why would a haddock kill itself?  Why am I even asking that question?
         - Lister, when they discover the suicides in
 -- Red Dwarf 'Back to Reality'
%%
Why would anybody want to use taglines????
%%
Why would anyone name a computer virus after a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?
%%
Why would Elvis be hanging around trailer parks?
%%
Why would Imperial Troops want to slaughter Bob?
%%
Why would we have different races if God meant us to be alike and
associate with each other?
 -- Lester Maddox
%%
Why would you WANT to port C news to your PC?  Wouldn't it be smarter
and about as cost-effective to port your PC over to the trashcan and buy
a real computer that runs a real operating system like Unix?
 -- Brian Kantor
%%
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.
 This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear
 pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
 -- Omni
%%
Why yes---a bulletproof vest.
 -- James Rodges, murderer, on his final request before the firing squad
%%
Why yes, as a matter of fact, everyone IS laughing at you.
%%
Why, yes... I AM a rocket scientist.
%%
Why yes, they are Bugle Boy beans.
%%
Why, you barfly, I'll stick a wick in your mouth and use you for an alcohol
 lamp!
 -- Charlie McCarthy (Edgar Bergen)
%%
Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office:
 No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee,
when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your
direction, and almost none will be returned to the source.
 -- John L.  Shelton
%%
Why you look so sad when the sky is perfect blue?
%%
Why, your very posture tells us, 'Here is a man of true greatness'.
Either that, or, 'Here are my genitals. Please take them.'
 -- Mossop and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have
 little powder-puff tail?
 -- The Tasmanian Devil
%%
Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have lon gears like a bunny rabbit?
%%
:WIBNI: // [Bell Labs: Wouldn't It Be Nice If] n. What most
   requirements documents and specifications consist entirely of.
   Compare {IWBNI}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wiccan fruit pies -- made with perfect love and perfect crust.
%%
Wicked men obey for fear, but the good for love.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Wickedness may prosper for a awhile, but in the long run, he that
seta all knaves at work will pay them.
 -- L'Estrange
%%
Wicked Witch Parking Only - Violators will be toad.
%%
Wide flush the fields; the softening air is balm; Echo the mountains
round; the forest smiles; And every sense and every heart is joy.
 -- Thomson
%%
Wide is the gate and broad is the way that leadeth to destruction.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vii, 13
%%
Wide was his parish, and houses fer asonder.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- Canterbury Tales, Prologue, Line 493
%%
:widget: n. 1. A meta-thing.  Used to stand for a real object in
   didactic examples (especially database tutorials).  Legend has it
   that the original widgets were holders for buggy whips.  "But
   suppose the parts list for a widget has 52 entries...."
   2. [poss. evoking `window gadget'] A user interface object in
   {X} graphical user interfaces.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
WIDOW, n.  A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to
take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one
of the most marked features of his character.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Widows are divided into two classes: The bereaved and the relieved.
%%
WID: Write Invalid Data
%%
Wife and Hunting dog missing.  $1.00 reward for the mutt.
%%
WIFE.ARJ -Strange program: Only contains lots of on-line help!
%%
Wife's a bitch - then you die.
%%
Wife to sleeping spouse: "Wake up! Who the hell is Tina!!?"
%%
Wife who puts husband in dog house, often finds him in cat house.
%%
Wife who slides down banister, makes monkey shine.
%%
:wiggles: n. [scientific computation] In solving partial differential
   equations by finite difference and similar methods, wiggles are
   sawtooth (up-down-up-down) oscillations at the shortest wavelength
   representable on the grid.  If an algorithm is unstable, this is
   often the most unstable waveform, so it grows to dominate the
   solution.  Alternatively, stable (though inaccurate) wiggles can be
   generated near a discontinuity by a Gibbs phenomenon.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wild animals never kill for sport.  Man is the only one to whom the
torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself.
 -- James A. Froude (1818-1894)
%%
WildCat! + TomCat! + QModem + OLX = BBS Purr-fection!!!
%%
wilderness act: short theatrical performance done in the backcountry.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
wilderness: archaic word used to refer to the space that once existed between
urban areas and which is now used as a proving ground for 4-wheel drive
vehicles.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Wilderness begins in the human mind.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
wilderness travel: art of avoiding snowmobiles, four wheel drives
   and oil wells.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
WILDNET : If you're interested in something different.
%%
Wile E. Coyote... Super genius
%%
Wilford Brimley for President. It's the RIGHT thing to do.
%%
Wilimanakabeetsai!
%%
Will a 60 mhz 80486 finish before I start?
%%
Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood
Clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather
The multitudinous seas incarnadine,
Making the green one red.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Will be VERY interesting seeing how they work out.
%%
Will build secret weapon for food.
%%
Will change the pebbles of our puddly thought
To orient pearls.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, Third Day, Part i
%%
Will Clinton get the U.S. another Korean war?
%%
Will evil ever rest?  I hope not.
 -- Powdered Toast Man
%%
Will fight Evil for food.
%%
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Will hack unix for food.
%%
Will had a fortune the other day, but he forgot it.
%%
Will herd cats for food.
%%
Will he still love you tomorrow?
%%
Will Hitlery's grave be a feminizt plot?
%%
Will. Honeycomb calls these over-offended ladies the outrageously virtuous.
 -- Sir Richard Steele (1671-1729)
 -- Spectator, No. 266
%%
William Bradley, NY Knicks basketball star, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
William Bradley, Senator (N.J.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
William C. Westmoreland, Comdr. U.S. forces, Vietnam, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
William E. Dannemeyer, Congressman (Cal.), was an Eagle Scout.
%%
William, is something wrong?
"What do you mean?"
Do you not like girls?
"'Course I do."
 -- Brenna O'Dell and Riker, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
William Jefferson Blythe "Bait and Switch" Clinton
%%
William Jefferson Blythe "Flip-flop" Clinton
%%
William Jefferson Blythe "Poor Widdle Kid" Clinton
%%
William Jefferson Blythe "They're Picking on Me, Mommy" Clinton
%%
William Jefferson Blythe "Waffleman" Clinton
%%
William K. Smith: "Wait, my uncle Ted can drive you home."
%%
William P. Clements, Jr., Texas Governor, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
William Safire would have a cow, but somehow that doesn't disturb me.
 -- Evan Hunt (evanh@sco.com)
%%
William S. Sessions, FBI Director, was an Eagle Scout.
%%
William Tell, Jr. had headaches.
%%
William Tell wore contact lenses.
%%
William, this is not your concern.
"It is now, you're about to commit a murder."
It isn't murder, it's justice.
 -- Yuta and Riker, "The Vengeance Factor", stardate 43421.9
%%
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
 -- K. Sirra
%%
Will I dream?
 -- HAL-9000
%%
Willie Smith? No other doctors on staff available?
%%
Will I live tomorrow?  Well, I just can't say.
But one thing's for sure.  I don't live today.
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
Willing to be backrub victim.
%%
Will it improve my CASH FLOW?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Will Microsoft's stupidity ever cease? Nope.
%%
Will of iron, whim of steel
%%
Will Rodgers never met Howard Cosell.
%%
Will Rogers never met Bill Clinton or Al Gore...
%%
Will Rogers never met Hillary's husband.
%%
Will Rogers never met Ross Perot.
%%
Will Rogers never met Rush Limbaugh.
%%
Will Rogers never met Saddam Hussein.
%%
Will Rogers should've also said, "I never met a Scout I didn't like."
%%
Will she still love you tomorrow?
%%
Willst thou show the wealth of thy wit in an instant?
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Will that be cache or chkdsk?
%%
Will the deity who nailed the KOSMIC KARMIC KICKME sign
to my back kindly remove it?
%%
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
%%
Will the real Neil Parks please log on?
%%
Will the real President PLEASE return to the White House?
%%
Will the third world war keep ``Bosom Buddies'' off the air?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
"Will trade my knowlege in geomatry for toutering in
 some outher subject."
 -- Ad in college paper
%%
Will work for sex.
 -- Bumpersticker
%%
Will write shell scripts for food.
%%
Will write Windows apps for food.
%%
Will you come quietly, or shall I use ear plugs?
%%
Will you dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?
%%
Will you loan me $20.00 and only give me ten of it?
That way, you will owe me ten, and I'll owe you ten, and we'll be even!
%%
Will you paint the black sky blue? Just like your shoes...
%%
Will you promise not to get mad if
I ask you something?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
Will your answer to this question be no?
%%
Will your long-winded speeches never end?   What ails you that you keep on
 arguing?
 -- Job 16:3
%%
Will you stop interrupting me. I mean, this is hardly a time to be
  teaching you the true nature of the universe.
 -- Q to Riker, "Hide and Q", stardate 41590.5
%%
Will you stop stick your finger through the donut hole?
%%
"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail,
"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle -- will you come and join the dance?

"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
But the snail replied "Too far, too far!", and gave a look askance --
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.

"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
The further off from England the nearer is to France --
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
"Will you walk into my parlour?" said a spider to a fly;
"'T is the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy."
 -- Mary Howitt (1804-1888)
 -- The Spider and the Fly
%%
Wimpdows : the Gates of Hell. . . or the Hell from Gates?
%%
:WIMP environment: n. [acronym: `Window, Icon, Menu, Pointing
   device (or Pull-down menu)'] A graphical-user-interface environment
   such as {X} or the Macintosh interface, esp. as described by a
   hacker who prefers command-line interfaces for their superior
   flexibility and extensibility.  However, it is also used without
   negative connotations; one must pay attention to voice tone and
   other signals to interpret correctly.  See {menuitis},
   {user-obsequious}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wi n0t trei a h0liday in Sweden thi yer?
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Win3.1?  For fast relief call 800-3-IBM-OS2.
%%
Win95 The number floppies it will ship on.
%%
Win95 The number of minutes to install.
%%
Win a 486 PC FREE! just scratch here: ################
%%
Win a live rat for your mother-in-law!
%%
Win any way you can as long as you can get away with it.
 -- Leo Durocher
%%
:win big: vi. To experience serendipity.  "I went shopping and won
   big; there was a 2-for-1 sale."  See {big win}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Winchester:: n. Informal generic term for `floating-head'
   magnetic-disk drives in which the read-write head planes over the
   disk surface on an air cushion.  The name arose because the
   original 1973 engineering prototype for what later became the
   IBM 3340 featured two 30-megabyte volumes; 30--30 became
   `Winchester' when somebody noticed the similarity to the common
   term for a famous Winchester rifle (in the latter, the first 30
   referred to caliber and the second to the grain weight of the
   charge).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wind and thunder: the image of Increase.
Thus the superior man:
If he sees good, he imitates it;
If he has faults, he rids himself of them.
%%
Wind comes forth from fire:
The image of The Family.
Thus the superior man has substance in his words
And duration in his way of life.
%%
Winding up days with toil and nights with sleep.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Wind Instruments: Tom Bone
%%
Wind In The Maple Trees: Russell Ingleaves
%%
Wind over lake: the image of Inner Truth.
Thus the superior man discusses criminal cases
In order to delay executions.
%%
Window closed - Do not look inside
 -- WindowError: 012
%%
Window closed - Do not look outside
 -- WindowError: 00D
%%
Window garden harrow (pulled behind Tonka tractors)
 -- "101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR"
%%
Window open - Do not look inside
 -- WindowError: 00E
%%
Window open - Do not look outside
 -- WindowError: 011
%%
Windows 3.0: Attractive & Easy, Slut of the CPU.
%%
Windows 3.0 is for wannabe computer gurus.
%%
Windows 3.0: More holes than you can count.
%%
Windows 3.0: Ooey, GUI, Good!
%%
Windows 3.1: coming to the rescue! Wait for FedEx!!!!!!!
%%
Windows 3.1: from the people that brought you EDLIN.
%%
Windows 3.1 - The Best $89 Solitaire Game You can Buy!
%%
Windows 3.1 - The colourful clown suit for DOS...
%%
WINDOWS 3.1 VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like an XT.
%%
Windows 3.1 vs. OS/2. (Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson)
%%
Windows 3: Solution to a non-existent problem....
%%
Windows 3 - the MAC for the rest of us!
%%
Windows 4.0 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading.
%%
Windows: 80486 to 8088 conversion made painful...
%%
Windows 95: The Dracula of Operating Systems--it sucks up all your
memory, bleeds your hard drive dry, and only works an average of
12 hours out of every 24.
%%
Windows: Ability to screw up 2 things at the same time.
%%
Windows - About as useful as airbrakes on a turtle.
%%
Windows accelerator: Truck doing 90 with windows tied to bumper.
%%
Windows: A cute clown suit for DOS.
%%
Windows: All form and no substance.
%%
WINDOWS - A "MAKE WORK" project for computers!
%%
Windows - A method of dividing a computer screen into two or more unusably tiny
   portions.
 -- From the Government Computer News, November 21, 1988 Issue
%%
Windows: an 80486 to XT Conversion Kit.
%%
Windows, and Icons, and Mice!  Oh, my!
%%
Windows: An overpriced way to eat up large amounts of hard disk space.
%%
Windows: An Unrecoverable Acquisition Error!
%%
Windows are all the rage these days.  It's just as I've always claimed:
the world just keeps getting more and more X-centric.
%%
Windows: A solitaire game requiring 16 meg on the HD.
%%
Windows: A View to be Killed.
%%
Windows: big, expensive, pretty virus.
%%
Windows by Microsoft:  The Gates of Hell.
%%
Windows could crash even a Borg!
%%
Window-screen: An arrangement for keeping flies in.
%%
Windows detected. Delete? Y/H(ELL YES)
%%
Windows Detected! Throw a ROCK (Y/N)?
%%
Windows doesn't kill you, it's the glass when it crashes.
%%
WINDOWS Eveready Bunny: It's still loading, and loading
%%
Windows: From the people who brought you the 640K limit.
%%
Windows? HA! CD \WINDOWS. DELETE *.* AH! Thats Better!
%%
Windows has a really stable Solitaire game!
%%
Windows has crashed more systems than Michelangelo.
%%
Windows has crashed more systems than Stoned.
%%
Windows? Homey don't play that!
%%
:window shopping: [US Geological Survey] n. Among users of {WIMP
   environment}s like {X} or the Macintosh, extended
   experimentation with new window colors, fonts, and icon shapes.
   This activity can take up hours of what might otherwise have been
   productive working time.  "I spent the afternoon window shopping
   until I found the coolest shade of green for my active window
   borders --- now they perfectly match my medium slate blue
   background."  Serious window shoppers will spend their days
   with bitmap editors, creating new and different icons and
   background patterns for all to see.  Also: `window dressing', the
   act of applying new fonts, colors, etc.  See {fritterware},
   compare {macdink}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Windows - how to turn a 486 into an Etch-A-Sketch!
%%
Windows Ice Cream ..... Hoggin' DOS
%%
Windows: If I'd *wanted* a Mac, I would have *bought* one!
%%
Windows is a DOS virus.
%%
Windows is a False Prophet - Vodka is the True Messiah.
%%
Windows is a kolossal kludge.
%%
Windows is a pane.
%%
Windows is a system even a fool can use.  See Shaw's principle....
[Build a system even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
 -- Shaw's Principle]
%%
Windows is fine for background communications
 -- Bill Gates
%%
Windows is for fun, DOS is for getting things done.
%%
Windows is great if you can make it work.
%%
Windows is NOT a virus! - Viruses do something!!!
%%
Windows isn't crippleware: it's "Functionally Challenged"
%%
WINDOWS is to computing what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
%%
Windows is to OS/2 as a bike is to a Mack Truck.
%%
Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
%%
Windows is to speed what the Abacus is to Calculus
%%
Windows...It's Hamburger Helper for DOS.
%%
WINDOWS: It's like a velvet picture of Elvis coming to life.
%%
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
%%
WINDOWS, Just say NO!!!
%%
Windows loaded.  System in danger.
 -- WindowError: 001
%%
Windows loading; please take a nap...
%%
Windows LUW: Life Under Windows
%%
WINDOWS MULTITASKS! (in a DesqView window)
%%
Windows: Next best thing to sand in your hard disk.
%%
Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance
%%
Windows not found. Use REAL Operating System??? Y/n
%%
Windows NT: From the makers of Windows 3.0!
%%
Windows NT: From the people responsible for RECOVER.COM
%%
Windows/NT: From the people who brought you EDLIN.
%%
Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.
%%
Windows NT? New Technology?  I don't think so...
%%
Windows NT: No Thanks; Not Trusted, Not Today, Not Tomorrow.
%%
Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared.
%%
Windows NT? Want to run it? Check IEEE Spectrum "TERAFLOPS GALORE."
%%
WINDOWS ON AN 8088 IS A REAL EXPERIENCE!!
%%
Windows: Proof that Bill Gates should've finished college.
%%
Windows: Proof that Microsoft has a roomful of monkeys with keyboards.
%%
Windows: Revenge of the Nerds, Part 3.1
%%
Windows rulz OS.
%%
Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files!
%%
Windows; Speed bumps for your mind.....
%%
Windows speed tip: type DEL \WINDOWS\*.*
%%
WINDOWS SUCKS!!
%%
Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
%%
Windows: The CP/M of the future!
%%
Windows, the EDSEL of operating systems!
%%
Windows- The fastest way to turn your 486 into a XT.
%%
Windows. The file transfer demolition derby of multitaske
%%
Windows to 486/50 mhz cpu: Don't rush me, don't rush me...
%%
Windows: training wheels for OS/2
%%
Windows = Turn a 386/25 into a 4.77 Mhz XT
%%
Windows UCR: Unrecoverable Customers Resources
%%
Windows UKD: Unexplained Keyboard Destructions
%%
Windows UMP: Unjustified Microsoft Profits
%%
Windows UMT: Unstoppable Mouse Trajectories
%%
Windows UPB: Unrecoverable Pain in the Butt
%%
Windows upgrade complete;  all files deleted.
%%
Windows users prefer to be called Technically Challenged
%%
Windows: Veni, vidi, shelfi. It came, I saw it, it went on the shelf.
%%
Windows? We don't need no stinking Windows!
%%
Windows: Well, It's Not Doing Our Work, Sir.
%%
Windows? Wha' dat?
%%
WINDOWS: What you throw your computer out of.
%%
Windows: What you use on your 486 to emulate the speed of a Z-80
%%
Windows? WINDOWS?!?  Hahahahahehehehehohohoho...
%%
Windows: Wish I'd Never Dumped Old, Working, System.
%%
Windows: World's fastest spreading virus.
%%
Windows would look better with curtains.
%%
Windows: XT emulator for an AT.
%%
WINDOWS you think they'll get it right?
%%
Window: What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally
erase a program that took you three days to set up.
%%
Windoze 3.1: The world's first 8 meg Solitaire game!
%%
WINDOZE 3 - 5 Megs Of Tranquilizer For A Computer.
%%
Windoze error: (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)erves you right!!!
%%
Windoze: For those who don't want prompt service.
%%
Windoze, is changing....it's getting poorer faster!
%%
Windoze NT < OS/2 2.1
%%
Windoze: n. What happens when your GUI goes to sleep
%%
Win-DOZE:  The solution to a problem that didn't exist.
%%
wind pants: short, labored breathing.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Winds are advertisements of all they touch, however much or little we may
be able to read them; telling their wanderings ever by their accents alone.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
WINDSCREEN WIPER: Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder
%%
Winds following one upon the other:
The image of the Gently Penetrating.
Thus the superior man
Spreads his commands abroad
And carries out his undertakings.
%%
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
 -- Reynold's Law of Climatology
%%
Wine does not intoxicate men; men intoxicate themselves.
%%
Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion.
 -- Ovid
%%
Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xx, 1
%%
Wine is a turncoat; first a friend, and then an enemy.
 -- Fielding
%%
Wine is bottled poetry.
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Wine is fine, but whiskey's quicker.
%%
Wine is wont to show the mind of man.
 -- Theognis (c. 545 BC)
 -- Maxims, Line 500
%%
Wine me, Dine me, 69 me.
%%
WINE, n.  Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union
as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."  Wine, madam, is God's next best gift
to man.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Wine that maketh glad the heart of man.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Psalm civ, 15
%%
Wine, women and cheese ALL improve with age...
%%
:winged comments: n. Comments set on the same line as code, as
   opposed to {boxed comments}.  In C, for example:

     d = sqrt(x*x + y*y);  /* distance from origin */

   Generally these refer only to the action(s) taken on that line.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Winged time glides on insensibly, and deceives us; and there is nothing
more fleeting than years.
 -- Ovid
%%
Win her with gifts, if she respect not words; Dumb jewels often,
in their silent kind, More quick than words do move a woman's mind.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat.
%%
WIN.INI? Let's see what the User's Guide says...
%%
WIN.INI not found.  Eat DOS, mother#$%&*@!
%%
Wink, I'll do the rest.
 -- Bumper Sticker
%%
Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge, Know-what-I-mean, Know-what-I-mean?
 -- Monty Python
%%
:win: [MIT] 1. vi. To succeed.  A program wins if no unexpected
   conditions arise, or (especially) if it sufficiently {robust} to
   take exceptions in stride.  2. n. Success, or a specific instance
   thereof.  A pleasing outcome.  "So it turned out I could use a
   {lexer} generator instead of hand-coding my own pattern
   recognizer.  What a win!"  Emphatic forms: `moby win', `super
   win', `hyper-win' (often used interjectively as a reply).  For
   some reason `suitable win' is also common at MIT, usually in
   reference to a satisfactory solution to a problem.  Oppose
   {lose}; see also {big win}, which isn't quite just an
   intensification of `win'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:winnage: /win'*j/ n. The situation when a lossage is corrected, or
   when something is winning.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:winner: 1. n. An unexpectedly good situation, program, programmer,
   or person.  2. `real winner': Often sarcastic, but also used as
   high praise (see also the note under {user}).  "He's a real
   winner --- never reports a bug till he can duplicate it and send in
   an example."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Winner, "Papers I wish I hadn't written" contest:
Montagnino, Lucian A., "Test and Evaluation of the Hubble Space
Telescope 2.4 Meter Primary Mirror" Proc. SPIE, Large Optics
Technology, Vol. 571, August 1985
%%
Winners Don't Play Video Games.
%%
Winners never quit and quitters never win.
%%
Winnie The Pooh: Last of the Great Western Zen Masters..
%%
Winnie-the-Pooh read the notice very carefully,
first from left to right, and afterwards, in case
he had missed some of it, from right to left.
 -- A. A. Milne
%%
Winning doesn't matter much to me. I just like playing golf.
%%
Winning doesn't prove you are a better human being.
%%
Winning is a habit. Unfortunately so is losing.
 -- Vince Lombardi
%%
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
%%
Winning isn't everything, but losing sucks!
%%
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
%%
Winning isn't everything, but there are hordes of people to whom winning
 everything seems to be.
%%
Winning isn't everything - it's the ONLY thing.
 -- Vince Lombardi, 1965
%%
Winning isn't the most important thing; it's the only thing.
 -- J. Ceasar
%%
Winning the Race: Vic Tree
%%
Winnipeg has its own WP software-files saved as .wpg
%%
:winnitude: /win'*-t[y]ood/ n. The quality of winning (as opposed
   to {winnage}, which is the result of winning).  "Guess what?
   They tweaked the microcode and now the LISP interpreter runs twice
   as fast as it used to."  "That's really great!  Boy, what
   winnitude!"  "Yup. I'll probably get a half-hour's winnage on the
   next run of my program."  Perhaps curiously, the obvious antonym
   `lossitude' is rare.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...If you wanted to
 run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head.  If you wanted to cook,
 you had to pull off a sweater real quick.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo.  He got pretty good.
 He could go under a rug.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Win or lose, you lose.
 -- Jensen's Law
%%
Win Some Lose Some....But When Do I Win Some?
%%
Winston Churchill, the present would-be British Fuehrer, is a person
with a range of ideas limited to the adventures and opportunities
of British political life.  He has never given evidence of thinking
extensively, or of any scientific or literary capacity...  His ideology,
picked up in the garrison life of India, on the reefs of South Africa,
the maternal home and the conversation of wealthy Conservative households,
is a pitiful jumble of incoherent nonsense.  A boy scout is better
equipped.  He has served his purpose and it is high time he retired
upon his laurels before we forget the debt we owe him...
 -- H. G. Wells, Tribune article, December 15, 1944
%%
Winston Peters, a rebel without a caucus.
%%
Winter is Mother Nature's way of saying "Up Yours"!
%%
Winter is natures way of saying "No, not today."
%%
Winter is scheduled for January 19 this season.
%%
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
 it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
%%
WINTER
  That time of year that everyone hates despite initially welcoming
  it after a long summer. Except for people who live so close to the
  equator that they don't notice the difference. Lucky bastards.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Win the war without a shot! Send Crack, Welfare & The Electoral College!
%%
:win win: interj. Expresses pleasure at a {win}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:wirehead: /wi:r'hed/ n. [prob. from SF slang for an
   electrical-brain-stimulation addict] 1. A hardware hacker,
   especially one who concentrates on communications hardware.  2. An
   expert in local-area networks.  A wirehead can be a network
   software wizard too, but will always have the ability to deal with
   network hardware, down to the smallest component.  Wireheads are
   known for their ability to lash up an Ethernet terminator from
   spare resistors, for example.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wire Puller: (n), A seasoned 1004 programmer.
%%
:wirewater: n. Syn. {programming fluid}.  This melds the
   mainstream slang adjective `wired' (stimulated, up, hyperactive)
   with `firewater'; however, it refers to caffeinacious rather
   than alcoholic beverages.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wisconsin Escapee.
%%
Wisdom alone is true ambition's aim
Wisdom the source of virtue, and of fame,
Obtained with labor, for mankind employed,
And then, when most you share it, best enjoyed.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
%%
Wisdom and good sense guard life from harm.
%%
Wisdom and knowledge decrease in inverse proportion to age.
 -- William J. Lynott
%%
Wisdom begins where the fear of God ends.
%%
Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too
grave to laugh, and too self-ful to seek other than itself.
 --  Kahlil Gibran
%%
Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.
 -- Horowitz' Rule
%%
Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the street.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs i, 20
%%
Wisdom does not give you the answers, it only redefines the questions.
%%
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
 -- Josh Billings
%%
[Wisdom] is a tree of life to those laying
hold of her, making happy each one holding her fast.
 -- Proverbs 3:18 [NSV]
%%
Wisdom is better than rubies.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs viii, 11
%%
Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can
lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.
 -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Wisdom is divided into two parts:
  1) having a great deal to say, and
  2) not saying it.
%%
Wisdom is justified of her children.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xi, 19; Luke vii, 35
%%
Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
 -- David Star Jordan, The Philosophy of Despair
%%
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
 -- J. Winter Smith
%%
Wisdom is knowing when you cannot be wise.
%%
Wisdom is like an open oven:  The food is gone, but the heat remains.
%%
Wisdom is meaningless until our own experience has given it
meaning, and there is wisdom in the selection of wisdom.
 -- Bergen Evans
%%
Wisdom is not knowing what to do now, but what to do next.
%%
Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
%%
Wisdom is that particular quality which enables you to avoid any and all of
 those situations which call for its judicious use.
%%
Wisdom is that quality that keeps you from getting into situations
where you need it.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
Wisdom is the gray hair unto men, and an unspotted life is old age.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Wisdom of Solomon iv, 8
%%
Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom; and with all
thy getting get understanding.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs iv, 7
%%
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of
listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
 -- Doug Larson
%%
Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
 -- Cullen Hightower
%%
Wisdom outweighs any wealth.
 -- Sophocles (406 BC)
%%
Wisdom sets bounds even to knowledge.
 -- Nietzsche
%%
Wisdom shall die with you.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Job xii, 2
%%
Wisdom sometimes walks in clouthed shoes.
 -- Proverb
%%
Wisdom suffers only when triumph meets conviction.
%%
WISDOM:    "Travelling unarmed is like boating without a life jacket"
%%
Wise anger is like fire from a flint:  there is great ado to get it all
out; and when it does come it is out again immediately.
 -- Matthew Henry
%%
Wise approach.
This is right for a great prince.
Good fortune.
%%
Wise cracks keep the giggling at a maximum.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
Wise fool
 -- Oxymoron
%%
Wise man see more from mountain top than fool from bottom of well.
%%
Wise man's heart directs him toward the right...
 -- Ecclesiastes 10:2
%%
Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Wise men learn much from fools.  Wise guys don't.
%%
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
 -- Samuel Palmer
%%
Wise men say nothing in dangerous times.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Wisdom
%%
Wise men say that there are three sorts of persons who are wholly
deprived of judgment,--they who are ambitious of preferments in the
courts of princes; they who make use of poison to show their skill
in curing it; and they who intrust women with their secrets.
 -- Pilpay (or Bidpai)
 -- The Two Travellers, Chap. ii, Fable vi
%%
Wise men still seek the Lord Jesus !!!
%%
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they
have to say something.
 -- Plato
%%
Wise people learn to tolerate only productive anxiety in themselves. They
make tension work for them instead of against them. Their aggressiveness
is outgoing and initiating, not hostile or arrogant.
%%
Wise people think all they say; fools say all they think.
%%
Wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs xxvi, 16
%%
Wise to resolve, and patient to perform.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book iv, Line 372
%%
Wise up folks, there is no such thing as free democracy any more than there
 is free citizenship.
%%
Wise words in the mouths of fools oft belie.
%%
Wish and hope succeed in discerning signs of paranormality where reason
and careful scientific procedure fail.
 -- James E. Alcock, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12
%%
Wishes are free unless you want them to come true.
%%
WISH
  Futile optimistic desire for something.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Wish I'd Never Been Born: Rudy Daye
%%
Wish I had some idea of what I'm asking.  :-!
%%
Wishing, of all employments, is the worst.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iv, Line 71
%%
Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.
 -- Frank Tyger
%%
Wishing you and yours a safe and happy holiday season.
 -- John "Mad Dog" Matzka
%%
:wish list: n. A list of desired features or bug fixes that probably
   won't get done for a long time, usually because the person
   responsible for the code is too busy or can't think of a clean way
   to do it.  "OK, I'll add automatic filename completion to the wish
   list for the new interface."  Compare {tick-list features}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wish not so much to live long, as to live well.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Wish not to seem, but to be, the best.
 -- Aeschylus
%%
Wish that I was on Old Rocky Top down in the Tennessee hills.
%%
Wit and wisdom are born with a man.
 -- John Selden (1584-1654)
 -- Learning
%%
Witchcraft always has a hard time,
until it becomes respectable and changes its name.
 -- Charles Fort
%%
Witches are Crafty People.
%%
Witches are welcome to sit for a spell.
%%
Witches don't fear God and they don't believe in Satan.
%%
Witches in a hot tub - a self-cleaning coven!
%%
Witches of the world unite!
You have nothing to lose but your broomsticks!
%%
[Witches] steal young children out of their cradles, ministerio daemonum,
and put deformed in their rooms, which we call changelings.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- The Anatomy of Melancholy, Part i, Sect. 2, Memb. 1, Subsect. 3
%%
Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum.
%%
WITCH, n.  (1)  Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league
with the devil.  (2)  A beautiful and attractive young woman, in
wickedness a league beyond the devil.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Witch!  Witch!  They'll burn ya!
 -- Hag, "Tomorrow is Yesterday", stardate unknown
%%
Wit compression error--Tagline Failed!
%%
With a billion dollars you too can push trashy software! (C)MS
%%
With a calendar your days are numbered!
%%
With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
try to be a fraud and a half.
 -- Otto von Bismark
%%
With a little hoard of maxims preaching down a daughter's heart.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 94
%%
With a little inner pirouette of excitement I realised just how much there
was to look forward to tomorrow. The thought of being all day naked in the
sun was delicious enough in itself, but there was the whole of our new
world to explore.
 -- Lucy Irvine, Castaway
%%
With a little luck,
there's no reason why you can't live to be one hundred.
Once you 've done that, you've got it made,
because very few people die over one hundred.
 -- George Burns
%%
With a little research and some funding it is quite possible to find a
 difficulty for every solution.
%%
With all appliances and means to boot.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
With all due respect, BEGONE...sir.
 -- Worf to Data, "The Icarus Factor", stardate 42686.4
%%
With all due respect, I'd like to go for a swim.
 -- Riker
%%
With all due respect sir, you need me - particularly now.

Indeed, Starfleet needs good captains - particularly now.  Will, you're
ready to work without a net - you're ready to take command, and you know,
the Enterprise will go on just fine without you.
 -- Riker & Picard, "The Best of Both Worlds," stardate 43989.1
%%
With all his crimes broad blown, as flush as May.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
With all its beauteous honours on its head.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book iv, Line 557
%%
With all of your money, your poor can be fed.
%%
With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
build a nuclear balm?
%%
With all the important issues of the day, why the media focus on O.J.?
%%
With all the stuff on the shelves now stamped "improved," what in blue
 blazes were we buying before?
%%
With all the talent around, it's sort of
amazing that a woman could be up here with us.
 -- Ralph Kiner [on introducing an award winner]
%%
With all those balls, why isn't matzoh macho?
%%
With a mind like yours, who needs a body.
%%
With a modem, I can take on the world!
%%
With a name like CHOCOLATE, it's got to be good!
%%
With a name like Mangled Baby Ducks, you know it's gotta be good!
%%
With an angry wafture of your hand,
Gave sign for me to leave you.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
With an apple I will astonish paris.
 -- Paul Cezanne
%%
With an auspicious and a dropping eye,
With mirth in funeral and with dirge in marriage,
In equal scale weighing delight and dole.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
 -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
With a scream of tortured stone, the entire level caves in!!!
You are flattened into an unpleasant jellylike substance.
%%
With a smile that glow'd
Celestial rosy red, love's proper hue.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 618
%%
Wit has truth in it.  Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
%%
With bag and baggage.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act iii, Sc. 2
%%
With centric and eccentric scribbled o'er,
Cycle and epicycle, orb in orb.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book viii, Line 83
%%
With circular arguments, you can never paint yourself into a corner!
%%
With Clinton and $0.85, you can get a cup of coffee.
%%
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
%%
With code like Microsoft's, who needs viruses???
%%
With consequences, the unexpected always predominate.
%%
With curious art the brain, too finely wrought,
Preys on herself, and is destroyed by thought.
 -- Charles Churchill (1731-1764), Epistle to William Hogarth, Line 645
%%
With devotion's visage
And pious action we do sugar o'er
The devil himself.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iii, Sc. 1
%%
With doctor's fees being what they are, you would think they could at least
 get something in the waiting room other than LIFE, COLLIERS and LOOK!
%%
Withdrawing in disgust is not the same as apathy.
%%
With enough persistence and a sufficiently large hammer, even the
 simplest of problems can be solved successfully.  ;-)
%%
With every baby, there comes a new hope - always dashed.
%%
With every exertion, the best of men can do but a moderate amount of
good; but it seems in the power of the most contemptible individual
to do incalculable mischief.
 -- Washington Irving
%%
With every wish there comes a curse.
%%
With eyes that glow like coals.
%%
With faster machines comes slower software.
%%
With features like these, who needs bugs?
 -- Henry Spencer
%%
With filial confidence inspired,
Can lift to Heaven an unpresumptuous eye,
And smiling say, My Father made them all!
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book v, The Winter Morning Walk, Line 745
%%
With fingers weary and worn,
  With eyelids heavy and red,
A woman sat in unwomanly rags
  Plying her needle and thread,--
    Stitch! stitch! stitch!
 -- Thomas Hood (1798-1845)
 -- The Song of the Shirt
%%
With firm application, and determination, I made a fool of myself.
 -- The Court Jester.
%%
With foreheads villanous low.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Tempest
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
With foxes we must play the fox.
%%
With free advice, you get what you paid for.
%%
With friends like these, who need hallucinations?
 -- Buddy, Night Court
%%
With friends like you, who needs enemas.
%%
With fronds like you, who needs anemones?
%%
With grave
Aspect he rose, and in his rising seem'd
A pillar of state; deep on his front engraven
Deliberation sat, and public care;
And princely counsel in his face yet shone,
Majestic though in ruin: sage he stood,
With Atlantean shoulders, fit to bear
The weight of mightiest monarchies; his look
Drew audience and attention still as night
Or summer's noontide air.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 300
%%
With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies.
And when she lies, she does not believe herself.
 -- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
%%
With heroes like us, who needs villains?
 -- SLR
%%
With ignorance wage eternal war, to know thyself forever strain,
Thine ignorance of thine ignorance is thy fiercest foe, thy deadliest bane.
 -- Sir Richard Burton
%%
Within a computer, natural language is unnatural.
%%
Within a fountain crystal clear,
A golden apple doth appear,
No doors there are to this stronghold,
Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.
[An egg]
%%
" . . . within a nanometer (about a billionth of a yard) . . . "
 -- Reader's Digest, November 1990, pp. 31
%%
Within a stone's throw of it.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. ix
%%
With interactive TV will I be able to slap Rush Limbaugh?
%%
Within the book and volume of my brain.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Within the earth, a mountain:
The image of Modesty.
Thus the superior man reduces that which is too much,
And augments that which is too little.
He weighs things and makes them equal.
%%
Within the earth, wood grows:
The image of Pushing Upward.
Thus the superior man of devoted character
Heaps up small things
In order to achieve something high and great.
%%
Within the oyster's shell uncouth The purest pearl may hide, Trust
me you'll find a heart of truth Within that rough inside.
 -- Mrs. Osgood
%%
With just enough of learning to misquote.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, Line 66
%%
With liberty and justice for all who can afford it.
%%
With Lorena's help, Michael could have sex with himself.
%%
With love and patience, nothing is impossible.
 -- Daisaku Ikeda
%%
With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the
right, as God gives us to see the right,
let us strive on
to finish the work we are in, ...to do all which may achieve and cherish
a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.
 -- Abraham Lincoln, Second Inaugural Address, Mar. 4, 1865
%%
With Mallets and Forethought, Croquet is Back.
%%
With man, most of his misfortunes are occasioned by man.
 -- Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
 -- Natural History, Book vii, Sect. 5
%%
With molasses you catch flies, with vinegar you catch nobody.
 -- Baltimore City Councilman Dominic DiPietro
%%
With money in your pocket, you are wise, you are handsome, and you sing
 well, too!
%%
With my Stealth Modem, you'll never see me coming!
%%
With one foot in his mouth he stated, Hmmmm, emmmm woooo hhhhcccchh.
%%
With one hand he put
A penny in the urn of poverty,
And with the other took a shilling out.
 -- Robert Pollok (1799-1827)
 -- The Course of Time, Book viii, Line 632
%%
With one more neuron he'd have a synapse.
%%
     With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict
       and bring order to the galaxy.
 -- Darth Vader
%%
Without a beat, they march along, believing Bach is dead.
%%
Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find
perfect composure.  But unfortunately, although it is true, it is
difficult for us to accept it.  Because we cannot accept the truth
of transience, we suffer.
 -- Shunryu Suzuki
%%
Without a doubt the greatest injury of all was done by basing morals on myth.
For, sooner or later, myth is recognized for what it is, and disappears.
Then morality loses the foundation on which it has been built.
 -- Lord Samuel
 -- Romanes Lecture, 1947
%%
Without a doubt, without a clue! Al Gore, that's who.
%%
Without a doubt, without a clue! Bill Clinton, that's who.
%%
Without adventure civilization is in full decay.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Without ambition one starts nothing.  Without work one finishes nothing.
 The prize will not be sent to you.  You have to win it.  The man
who knows how will always have a job.  The man who also knows why
will always be his boss.  As to methods there may be a million and
then some, but principles are few.  The man who grasps principles
can successfully select his own methods.  The man who tries methods,
ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.
 -- Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Without a sign his sword the brave man draws,
And asks no omen but his country's cause.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book xii, Line 283
%%
Without a thorough understanding of tactics, there can be no effective
strategy; therefore, any general must have a good foundation in the
tactical aspects of warfare.  However, it is not necessary for a general
to be an excellent swordsman, musketeer, or tank gunner.  It is sufficient
to understand the strengths, weaknesses, and proper use of the forces
available, and to know the strengths and weaknesses of your enemy.
 -- Phillip Harbison
%%
Without chlorophyll life would be a bowl of sand.
%%
Without coffee he could not work, or at least he could not have worked in the
way he did. In addition to paper and pens, he took with him everywhere as an
indispensable article of equipment the coffee machine, which was no less
important to him than his table or his white robe.
 -- Stefan Zweigs, Biography of Balzac
%%
Without C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!
%%
Without education, we are in the horrible and deadly danger of taking
educated people seriously.
 -- G. K. Chesterfield
%%
Without exception, all infallible rules have an exception.
 -- Pickett's Infallible Rule
%%
Without facts, the decision cannot be made logically.  You must rely on
your human intuition.
 -- Spock, "Assignment: Earth", stardate unknown
%%
Without feeling there's no reason to live.
 -- Andre Kertesz, photographer, 1894-1985
%%
Without fingers you cannot even thumb your nose.
%%
Without followers, evil cannot spread.
 -- Spock, "And The Children Shall Lead", stardate 5029.5
%%
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
%%
Without freedom, no one really has a name.
 -- Milton Acorda
%%
Without freedom of choice there is no creativity.
 -- Kirk, "The return of the Archons", stardate 3157.4
%%
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.
 -- Aristotle
%%
Without full satiation of the senses, we are pathetic objects!
 -- Barrington J. Bayley
%%
Without gratuitous sex, we would be no better than animals.
%%
Without guidance, that religion could degenerate into inquisitions,
  holy wars, chaos.
 -- Dr. Barron, "Who Watches the Watchers?", stardate 43173.5
%%
Without guns, how are we gonna shoot anybody? We need guns. You never can
 tell when you're walking down the street you'll spot a moose. Suppose a man
 comes home early and finds another man with his wife? What's he supposed to
 do? Poison him? How about suicide? Can you imagine trying to beat yourself
 to death with a stick?

 But let's be objective about this. Guns are not the real problem. The real
 problem is bullets.
 -- Pat Paulsen
%%
Without health you cannot enjoy wealth or happiness.
%%
Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless
%%
Without life, Biology itself would be impossible.
%%
Without love and trust all you can be in life is alone.
%%
Without love intelligence is dangerous;
without intelligence love is not enough.
 -- Ashley Montagu
%%
Without music life would be a mistake.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Without pains no gains.
 -- Proverb
%%
Without slack, life is like a bowl of shit with the handle on the inside
 -- Sister Susie the Floozie
%%
   Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history.  The Greeks invented three
kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic.  They also had myths.A myth
is a female moth.  One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the
River Stynx until he became intolerable.  Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by
Homer.Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship
that Ulysses endured on his journey.  Actually, Homer was not written by Homer
but by another man of that name.

    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him.  Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
 -- Richard Lederer, "Student Bloopers"
%%
Without the meed of some melodious tear.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Lycidas, Line 14
%%
Without the RIGHT to LIFE, no other right matters.
%%
Without the smile from partial beauty won,
Oh what were man?--a world without a sun.
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Pleasures of Hope, Part ii, Line 21
%%
Without Time, everything would happen at once.
%%
Without tools there would be no wisdom.
%%
Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong.  With
trust, words become life itself.
 -- John Harold
%%
Without vigorous, farsighted and continuing encouragement of scientific
research, we are in a position of eating our seed corn:  we may fend off
starvation for one more winter, but we have removed the last hope of
surviving the following winter.
 -- Carl Sagan
%%
"Without Warning" by Oliver Sudden
%%
Without water, we're all just three or four pounds of chemicals.
 -- McCoy, "the Omega Glory," stardate unknown
%%
Without work all life goes rotten.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
Without you my world would be less than real.
 -- lmy
%%
With prudes for proctors, dowagers for deans,
And sweet girl-graduates in their golden hair.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The Princess, Prologue, Line 141
%%
With rank goeth privileges- so it ever shall be. But also with it go
responsibility and obligations, always more onerous than the privileges are
pleasant.
 -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
    With ravish'd ears
    The monarch hears;
    Assumes the god,
    Affects to nod,
And seems to shake the spheres.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- Alexander's Feast, Line 37
%%
With reasonable men I will reason;
with humane men I will plead;
but to tyrants I will give no quarter...
 -- William Lloyd Garrison
%%
With recognition that you have forgotten some of the folks that worked for
 President Ronald What's-his-name, comes an awareness that you are in true
 need of a basic memory course.
%%
With ruin upon ruin, rout on rout,
Confusion worse confounded.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book ii, Line 995
%%
With so many disease, its not safe for a vampire to bite anymore.
%%
With so many spectacular colors in the world, it's a shame to make
 everything black and white.
 -- Dennis R. Little
%%
With some people we spend our time, with others we invest it.
%%
With spots of sunny openings, and with nooks
To lie and read in, sloping into brooks.
 -- Leigh Hunt (1784-1859)
 -- The Story of Rimini
%%
With spots quadrangular of diamond form,
Ensanguined hearts, clubs typical of strife,
And spades, the emblems of untimely graves.
 -- William Cowper (1731-1800)
 -- The Task, Book iv, The Winter Evening, Line 217
%%
 (With strong east Indian accent:)  Hello, you have reached the
 existential hotline of Ransheesh.  I am currently meditating,
 but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently
 inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves
 and contact you when the stars align properly.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
With such great numbers of people making love, you just have to wonder why
 it is always in such short supply.
%%
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
 -- RFC 1925
%%
With talent on loan from a cesspool, it's you!
%%
With talent on loan from a pawnshop, it's you!
%%
With talent on loan from Roto-Rooter, it's you!
%%
With talent on loan from Wal-Mart, it's you!
%%
With that she dasht her on the lippes,
So dyed double red:
Hard was the heart that gave the blow,
Soft were those lips that bled.
 -- William Warner (1558-1609)
 -- Albion's England, Book viii, Chap. xli, stanza 53
%%
With the cost of automobile insurance going upward the way it does, more
 and more cars on the highway look like they survived a poorly managed
 demolition derby.
%%
With thee conversing I forget all time,
All seasons, and their change,--all please alike.
Sweet is the breath of morn, her rising sweet,
With charm of earliest birds; pleasant the sun
When first on this delightful land he spreads
His orient beams on herb, tree, fruit, and flower,
Glist'ring with dew; fragrant the fertile earth
After soft showers; and sweet the coming on
Of grateful ev'ning mild; then silent night
With this her solemn bird and this fair moon,
And these the gems of heaven, her starry train:
But neither breath of morn when she ascends
With charm of earliest birds, nor rising sun
On this delightful land, nor herb, fruit, flower,
Glist'ring with dew, nor fragrance after showers,
Nor grateful ev'ning mild, nor silent night
With this her solemn bird, nor walk by moon
Or glittering starlight, without thee is sweet.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 639
%%
With the electronic clock replacing the big hand and the little hand, and
 with Velcro replacing the shoestring, about the only educational area left
 for the parents is toilet training.
%%
With the first link, a chain is forged. The first speech censured, the
first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all
irrevocably.
 -- Picard, ST:TNG, quoting a fictional judge, The Drumhead
%%
With the invention of spray paint, graffiti has increased in quantity, but
 the new invention did not do all that much for the quality of the whole
 thing.
%%
With the lights out its less dangerous.
 -- Kurt Cobain
%%
With the money I'm making, I should be playing two positions.
 -- Pete Rose
%%
With the neutron bomb, which destroys life but not property, capitalism has
found the weapon of its dreams.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
With the press, it is safest to assume that there is no "off the record."
 -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
With the pride of an artist, you must blow against the walls of every power
that exists, the small trumpet of your defiance.
 -- Norman Mailer
%%
With the proper consideration in choice of allies, victory may be
guaranteed in any conflict.
 -- Benedict Arnold
%%
With the smile that was childlike and bland.
 -- Francis Bret Harte (1839-1902)
 -- Plain Language from Truthful James
%%
With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all
my worldly goods I thee endow.
 -- Book of Common Prayer
 -- Solemnization of Matrimony
%%
"With this same key
Shakespeare unlocked his heart"
Did Shakespeare? If so, the less Shakespeare he!
 -- Robert Browning (1812-1890)
 -- House, x
%%
With those who follow a different way it is useless to take counsel.
%%
With thy long levell'd rule of streaming light.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Comus, Line 340
%%
With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.
 -- Chinese proverb
%%
With too much quickness ever to be taught;
With too much thinking to have common thought.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 97
%%
With tooth and nail.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Day
%%
With TV, radio, and tapes, what young person has time to listen to reason?
 -- Boyd K. Packer
%%
With useless endeavour
Forever, forever,
Is Sisyphus rolling
His stone up the mountain!
 -- Henry W. Longfellow (1807-1882)
 -- The Masque of Pandora, Chorus of the Eumenides
%%
With what? Your bare hands?
%%
With what? Your bare hands? Against *his* bear hands??
%%
With/Without - and who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
With women, the aging thing's terrible. We just fall apart. First thing
 that goes on you is your butt ... BAM ... once it's down there it's not
 coming back up. Remember when you were young, you used to walk down the
 beach in the summertime pulling your little pants down over your firm round
 buttocks? Now I spend my summers trying to push my butt flaps back up into
 my shorts ... At a certain age you quit lookin' behind you. I'm getting
 dressed, pulling up my pantyhose, I catch myself in the mirror. I look back
 there thinking:

 My Lord! Who's that ugly man with the jowls sneakin' up on me!
 -- Stephanie Hodge
%%
With YOU, I can be MYSELF..  We don't NEED Dan Rather..
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Wit is educated insolence.
 -- Aristotle (284-322 B.C.)
%%
Wit is the only wall between us and the dark.
 -- Mark van Doren
%%
Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.
 -- William Hazlitt
%%
Witlag: delay between delivery and comprehension of a joke.
%%
Wit lies in the likeness of things that are different, and in the
difference of things that are alike.
 -- Madame de Stael
%%
WIT, n.  The salt with which the American humorist spoils his
intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Wit ought to be a glorious treat, like caviar; never spread it around like
 marmalade.
 -- Noel Coward
%%
Wit sometimes enables us to act rudely with impunity.
 -- Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
Wit that can creep, and pride that licks the dust.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot, Prologue to the Satires, Line 333
%%
WITTICISM, n.  A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom
noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke."
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Wit will shine
Through the harsh cadence of a rugged line.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- To the Memory of Mr. Oldham, Line 15
%%
witzelsucht (vit'sel-zoocht) [Ger.]
"A mental condition characteristic of frontal lobe lesions and marked by the
making of poor jokes and puns and the telling of pointless stories, at which
the patient himself is intensely amused."
%%
Wives are young men's mistresses, companions for middle age, and old
men's nurses.
 -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
 -- Of Marriage and Single Life
%%
WI: Why Immediate
%%
WI: Write Illegibly
%%
:Wizard Book: n. Hal Abelson's, Jerry Sussman's and Julie Sussman's
   "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs" (MIT
   Press, 1984; ISBN 0-262-01077-1), an excellent computer science text
   used in introductory courses at MIT.  So called because of the
   wizard on the jacket.  One of the {bible}s of the LISP/Scheme
   world.  Also, less commonly, known as the {Purple Book}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wizard Guild parking ONLY - violators WILL be toad!
%%
:wizardly: adj. Pertaining to wizards.  A wizardly {feature} is one
   that only a wizard could understand or use properly.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:wizard mode: [from {rogue}] n. A special access mode of a
   program or system, usually passworded, that permits some users
   godlike privileges.  Generally not used for operating systems
   themselves (`root mode' or `wheel mode' would be used
   instead).  This term is often used with respect to games that have
   editable state.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
WIZARD n. 1. A person who knows how a complex piece of software or
hardware works; someone who can find and fix his bugs in an
emergency.  Rarely used at MIT, where HACKER is the preferred term.
2. A person who is permitted to do things forbidden to ordinary
people, e.g., a "net wizard" on a TENEX may run programs which
speak low-level host-imp protocol; an ADVENT wizard at SAIL may
play Adventure during the day.
 -- From the AI Hackers' Dictionary
%%
:wizard: n. 1. A person who knows how a complex piece of software
   or hardware works (that is, who {grok}s it); esp. someone who
   can find and fix bugs quickly in an emergency.  Someone is a
   {hacker} if he or she has general hacking ability, but is a wizard
   with respect to something only if he or she has specific detailed
   knowledge of that thing.  A good hacker could become a wizard for
   something given the time to study it.  2. A person who is permitted
   to do things forbidden to ordinary people; one who has {wheel}
   privileges on a system.  3. A UNIX expert, esp. a UNIX systems
   programmer.  This usage is well enough established that `UNIX
   Wizard' is a recognized job title at some corporations and to most
   headhunters.  See {guru}, {lord high fixer}.  See also
   {deep magic}, {heavy wizardry}, {incantation}, {magic},
   {mutter}, {rain dance}, {voodoo programming}, {wave a
   dead chicken}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
    Wizards are constantly subject to negative publicity. A case in point. One
elderly wizard of my acquaintance, whenever he was bothered by unexpected
guests, would immediately cast one of three spells upon them, either turning
them to stone, transforming them into segmented worms, or blasting them
entirely out of the kingdom. Now, some wrong-headed do-gooders, hearing about
the aged mage's predilections, formed an angry torch-bearing mob, forcing the
now wronged wizard to flee to a distant kingdom altogether. How much better it
would have been if the aged wizard had thought to inform the populace of the
true benefits of the spells he used on those who came to bother him! For
example, those people who have experienced it will tell you that nothing is
more restful than being turned to stone, while transformation into a worm
brings you closer to the earth. As to being totally blasted from the wizard's
domain, I challenge you: Can you think of any other way you can travel such a
great distance for free?
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XVI
%%
Wizards do it background &
%%
Wizards do it with crystal balls
%%
    Wizards encounter periods of crisis from time to time. It comes with the
job, right along with the robes and the pointy hat. Now, some wizards thrive on
crisis, and there is quite a bit of gold to be made, should the wizard survive,
by thrusting oneself into the thick of things. The more experienced mage,
however, makes ample use of soothsaying spells, so that he may collect the
monies, reassure the populace, and still have time to leave the area before the
thick of things arrives.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. IV
%%
    Wizards, like all mortals, need their rest. Casting spells, righting
wrongs, and putting a little away for your old age can all be draining
occupations. The true wizard must therefore always insist on a good night's
sleep, and a few days' respite between tasks. After some particularly grueling
work, a couple of weeks in the country are not out of line. In the aftermath
of truly major assignments, of course, nothing less than a seaside vacation
will do. And what of those situations in which a wizard's work affects the very
world around him, perhaps the fabric of the cosmos itself? Well, be advised
that prime accommodations in Vushta must be reserved at least two months in
advance.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. XXIII
%%
    Wizards should not go seeking revenge, killing, or death in general. After
all, revenge, killing, and death in general have a way of showing up whether
you are looking for them or not.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. I
%%
Wizards that peep and that mutter.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah viii, 19
%%
Wizard virus found?  Try NO.HEX
%%
WIZZO'S do it with jamming.
%%
WIZZO'S jam it faster, deeper, and more powerfully.
%%
WK: Write to Keyboard
%%
WMC: Write Millions of Comments
%%
WNAM: We Need A Miracle
%%
Wndows is jst finefor bacgrond telcomncations.
%%
WNHR: Write New Hit Record
%%
W not shipped since I live so close.
%%
WNR     Write Noise Record
%%
WNR: Write Noisy Record
%%
Wobbles, but it won't fall down.
%%
Woe is the isolationist who tries to turn the cogs of his own engine
while ignoring the machinations about him.
%%
Woes cluster. Rare are solitary woes;
They love a train, they tread each other's heel.
 -- Edward Young (1684-1765)
 - Night Thoughts, Night iii, Line 63
%%
Woe to the hand that shed this costly blood.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Isaiah v, 20
%%
Woe unto you,... for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew xxiii, 23
%%
Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you!
 -- New Testament
 -- Luke vi, 26
%%
Woke up, got up, wandered around, opened a window, saw a bulldozer....
%%
Woke up this mornin' an' I had myself a beer,
Yeah, Ah woke up this mornin' an' I had myself a beer
The future's uncertain and the end is always near.
 -- Jim Morrison, "Roadhouse Blues"
%%
Woking on water is dangerous.
%%
Wokking in my wicker underwear.
%%
WOLF:
A man who knows all the ankles.
%%
Wolverine Amedeus Mozart: composer of clawsical music.
%%
WOMAN:
An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and
having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
 -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
%%
WOMAN:   Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here.  Oh -- how d'you do?
ARTHUR:  How do you do, good lady.  I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
         Who's castle is that?
WOMAN:   King of the who?
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Woman? Equality? Good, I hate holding doors!
%%
WOMAN:   I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous
         collective.
DENNIS:  You're fooling yourself.  We're living in a dictatorship.  A
         self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN:   Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS:  That's what it's all about if only people would--
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Woman in a greengrocer's: One pound of mixed nuts, and not
too many coconuts, please.
%%
Woman in Hurricane Has Same Baby Three Times
%%
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
 from achieving them.
 -- Dumas
%%
Woman is generally so bad that the difference
between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.
 -- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
%%
WOMAN:   King of the who?
ARTHUR:  The Britons.
WOMAN:   Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR:  Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Woman like frying pan, must be hot before meat is put in.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Woman must not depend on the protection of man, but must be taught
to protect herself.
 -- Susan B. Anthony, July 1871
%%
WOMAN, n.

        An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a
    rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.  It is credited by
    many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility
    acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the
    postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion,
    deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld,
    it roareth now.  The species is the most widely distributed of all
    beasts of prey, infesting all habitable parts of the globe, from
    Greeland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand.  The popular
    name (wolfman) is incorrect, for the creature is of the cat kind.
    The woman is lithe and graceful in its movement, especially the
    American variety (_felis pugnans_), is omnivorous and can be
    taught not to talk.
                                                       Balthasar Pober
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Woman's advice has little value, but he who won't take it is a fool.
 -- Cervantes
%%
Woman 's at best a contradiction still.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle ii, Line 270
%%
 (Woman, seductively:)  Hi, I'm Linda.  You know, it can be
 really lonely when you're a fashion model.  Sometimes I just
 have to...  (Interrupting:)  Oh come on Linda, give me the damn
 phone...  (Ask them to leave a message.)
 -- Answering machine madness - family fun
%%
Woman's virtue is man's greatest invention.
 -- Cornelia Otis Skinner
%%
Woman to man lie:  "Oh, a toaster, how nice!"
%%
Woman was created from the rib of man; Not from his head to be thought
of only, nor from his hand to be owned, nor from his foot to be
beneath, but from under his arm to be protected, from his side to be
equal, and from his heart to be loved. . .
 -- Joe Behrmann
%%
Woman was God's second mistake.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Woman was taken out of man -- not out of his head, to rule over him; nor
out of his feet, to be trampled under by him; but out of his side, to be
equal to him -- under his arm, that he might protect her, and near his heart
that he might love her.
 -- Henry
%%
WOMAN:   Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR:  The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest
         shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water
         signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry
         Excalibur.  [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
 -- The Quest for the Holy Grail (Monty Python)
%%
Woman who cooks carrots and pees in same pot very unsanitary.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
%%
Woman who douches with vinegar have sour puss.
 -- Confucius
%%
Woman who go to man's apartment for snack, may get tit bit.
%%
Woman who ride bicycle peddle ass around town.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
Woman who shaves legs have no hair, by cracky.
 -- Confucius
%%
Woman who spends much time on bedsprings, may have offsprings.
%%
WOMAN.ZIP: Good utility, with proper configuration.
%%
WOMAN.ZIP: Great program, but no documentation!
%%
WOMAN.ZIP: Great program, but the "README.1ST" file is missing.
%%
WOMAN.ZIP: Great program. No docs, but fun to unZIP.
%%
WOMAN.ZIP: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses...
%%
Wombat's Laws of Computer Selection:
 (1) If it doesn't run Unix, forget it.
 (2) Any computer design over 10 years old is obsolete.
 (3) Anything made by IBM is junk. (See number 2)
 (4) The minimum acceptable CPU power for a single user is a
 VAX/780 with a floating point accelerator.
 (5) Any computer with a mouse is worthless.
 -- Rich Kulawiec
%%
:WOMBAT: [Waste Of Money, Brains, And Time] adj. Applied to problems
   which are both profoundly {uninteresting} in themselves and
   unlikely to benefit anyone interesting even if solved.  Often used
   in fanciful constructions such as `wrestling with a wombat'.  See
   also {crawling horror}, {SMOP}.  Also note the rather different
   usage as a metasyntactic variable in {{Commonwealth Hackish}}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:womb box: n. 1. [TMRC] Storage space for equipment.  2. [proposed]
   A variety of hard-shell equipment case with heavy interior padding
   and/or shaped carrier cutouts in a foam-rubber matrix; mundanely
   called a `flight case'.  Used for delicate test equipment,
   electronics, and musical instruments.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Women and asses and nuts require strong hands.
%%
Women and cats do as they dammed well please.
 Men and dogs had best learn to live with it...
 -- Alan Holbrook
%%
Women and cats do as they like.
%%
Women and elephants never forget an injury.
 -- Saki [H. H. Munro] (1870-1916), "Reginald", 1904
%%
Women and Horses and Power and War.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
Women are all alike.  When they're maids they're mild as milk:
once make 'em wives, and they lean their backs against their
marriage certificates, and defy you.
 -- Jerrold
%%
Women are always so eager to urge bachelors into matrimony:
is it from charity or revenge?
 -- Scott
%%
Women are a problem, but if you haven't already guessed,
they're the kind of problem I enjoy wrestling with.
 -- Warren Beatty
%%
Women are a sex by themselves.
 -- Beerbohm.
%%
Women are enslaved by their own liberation
 -- Susan Faludi
%%
Women are great! Every man should own one!!!!!
%%
Women are just like men, only different.
%%
Women are like a beer.  They look good, they taste good, and as soon
as you've had one, you want another.
 -- Homer Simpson
%%
Women are like a bus. Miss 1, another comes in 10 minutes.
%%
Women are like computers-What a Configuration!!!
%%
Women are like elephants to me:
I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
Women are like programs.  A smart man keeps backups!
%%
Women are more easily and more deeply terrified ... generating more
sheer horror than the male of the species.
 -- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4
%%
Women are nothing but machines for producing children.
 -- Napoleon Bonaparte, quoted in "The Book of Insults", 1978
%%
Women are not much, but they are the best other sex we have.
 -- Herold
%%
Women are perfectly understandable so long as you don't listen to 'em.
%%
Women are such irrational creatures - they're so hard to get on with.
I'm glad I'm a woman - that way I don't have to fall in love with one.
 -- Vanessa.
%%
Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap
 metal. And we all know where north is.
 -- Larry Miller
%%
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
 -- Stephens
%%
Women: Because beer and pizza can't snuggle.
%%
Women can keep a secret just as well as men,
but it takes more of them to do it.
%%
Women CAN live on beer alone.
%%
Women: can't live with 'em and no resale value...
%%
Women!  Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!
 -- Robin Williams
%%
Women: can't live with 'em... Can't shoot 'em.
 -- David Addison
%%
Women: Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em, pass the beer nuts.
 -- Norm (Cheers)
%%
Women, can't live with them, can't leave them
by the curb when you're done with 'em.
%%
Women, cats, and golf; man was not meant to understand these things.
%%
Women, children, Red Indians, spacemen, and a sort of
idealized version of Complete Renaissance Men first!
%%
Women come in three sizes: Small, Medium, and Implants.
%%
Women do come with instructions, just ask them!
%%
Women don't make fools out of men - they only direct the performance.
%%
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
%%
Women drove me to drink, for which I'm eternally grateful!
%%
Women fall in love through their ears and men through their eyes.
%%
Women: Give 'em an inch and they think they're a ruler
%%
Women give themselves to God when the Devil wants nothing more to do with them.
 -- Arnould
%%
Women give to men the very gold of their lives.
Possibly; but they invariably want it back in such very small change.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Women. ... Go ahead, jump. 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong. ... Please
Y B ordinary.
%%
Women go to work in those corporate Godzilla outfits: skirt suit, track
 shoes, shoulder pads. Those shoulder pads designed to "Knock men outta my
 way! I can do any job a man can do and I can give birth while doing it!"
 -- Allan Havey
%%
Women have babies and men provide the support.  If you don't like the way
 we're made you've got to take it up with God.
 -- Phyllis Schlafly, hypocrite who has had a successful business career and
 -- run for public office, who would apparently deny that to other women
%%
Women have more strength in their looks than we have in our laws,
and more power by their tears than we have by our arguments.
 -- Saville
%%
Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses
possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting
the figure of man at twice its natural size.
 -- Virginia Woolf, "A Room of One's Own", 1929
%%
Women in Joliet, Illinois, can be jailed for trying on more
than six dresses in one store.
%%
Women in love consist of a little sighing,
a little crying, a little dying-- and a good deal of lying.
 -- Ansey
%%
Women in Utah must remember that state law prohibits heels
over one and a half inches high.
%%
Women just want men who'll share your hopes and dreams. If you don't, we'll
 bitch at you until you die.
 -- Stephanie Hodge
%%
Women libbers are ok.  I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
%%
Women, like princes, find few real friends.
 -- Lord Lyttleton (1709-1773)
 -- Advice to a Lady
%%
Women like silent men. They think they're listening.
 -- Marcel Archard
%%
Women love always: when earth slips from them, they take refuge in
heaven.
 -- George Sand
%%
Women must be in the mood, men just in the room.
%%
Women never look so well as when one comes in wet and dirty from hunting.
%%
Women, n., pl.: wild, ovulating, man-eating nymphomaniacs.
%%
Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners.
In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the
original earth clinging to the roots.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Women over 40: no yell, no swell, just grateful as hell.
%%
Women over thirty are at their best,
but men over thirty are too old to recognise it.
%%
Women prefer men who have something tender about them -- especially
the legal kind.
 -- Kay Ingram
%%
Women prefer the simple things in life...MEN!
%%
Women professionals do tend to over-compensate.
 -- Dr. Elizabeth Dehaver, "Where No Man Has Gone Before",
                stardate 1312.9.
%%
Women reason with the heart and are much less often wrong
than men who reason with the head.
 -- DeLescure
%%
Women remind us that not everything in Nature has a purpose.
%%
Women's clothes: Go to extremes, seldom to extremities.
%%
Women seldom show dimples to boys who have pimples.
%%
Women should be obscene and not heard.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Women's libbers should be put behind bras.
%%
Women's logic is an oxymoron.
%%
Women sometimes forgive a man who forces the opportunity,
but never a man who misses one.
 -- Charles De Talleyrand-Perigord
%%
Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal.
%%
Women spoil every romance by trying to make it last for ever.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Women take to good hearted men. Also from.
%%
Women treat us just as humanity treats its gods.
They worship us and are always bothering us to do something for them.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Women Unite!  Make *him* sleep in the wet spot tonight!
%%
Women want their men to be cops.  They want you to punish them and tell them
what the limits are.  The only thing that women hate worse from a man than
being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.
 -- Mort Sahl
%%
Women waste men's lives and think they have
indemnified them by a few gracious words.
 -- Balzac
%%
Women wear the breeches.
 -- Robert Burton (1577-1640)
 -- Anatomy of Melancholy, Democritus to the Reader
%%
Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
WOMEN: Weird Obnoxious Male Enticing Nymphs.
%%
Women were born to lie, and men to believe them.
%%
Women were born without a sense of humour - so they could love men and not
 laugh at them.
%%
Women were meant to be loved, not to be understood.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Women, when they are not in love,
have all the cold blood of an experienced attorney.
 -- Balzac
%%
Women, when they have made a sheep of a man,
always tell him that he is a lion with a will of iron.
 -- Balzac
%%
Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to
 consider the option of being the strong, silent type.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Women who love only women may have a good point.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Women who miscalculate are called 'mothers'.
 -- Abigail Van Buren
%%
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
 -- Timothy Leary
%%
Women who want equality must be prepared to give it and believe in
it, and in order to do that it is not enough to state that you are
as good as any man, but also it must be stated he is as good as
you and both will be humans together.
 -- Anne Roiphe
%%
Women who wear mini-skirts sure are cheeky folk.
%%
Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore;
not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or
graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.
 -- Amiel
%%
Women.   You can't live with them, and sheep can't cook.
%%
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy
 Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
WOM - Write only memory.
%%
Wonderful chap, The Doctor.  All of them.
 -- Brig. L. Stewart
%%
Wonderful day.
Your hangover just makes it seem terrible.
%%
Wonderful girl!  Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her.
 -- Han Solo. (Star Wars)
%%
Wonderful!! Simply Wonderful!!
%%
Wonderful society, ours, which condemns sexism and then thinks of nothing
but sex.
%%
Wonder how many enemies The Rangers made?
%%
Wonder if liberals will want to blame Chernobyl on Reagan/Bush?
%%
Wonder if liberals will want to blame earthquakes on Reagan/Bush?
%%
Wonder if liberals will want to blame gravity on Reagan/Bush?
%%
Wonder if liberals will want to blame the weather on Reagan/Bush?
%%
Wonder if liberals will want to blame Vietnam on Reagan/Bush?
%%
Wonder if liberals will want to blame Whitewater on Reagan/Bush?
%%
Wonder if liberals will want to blame WWII on Reagan/Bush?
%%
...wondering which of the brothers to blame
 and watching for pigs on the wing.
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.
%%
Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher, and philosophy begins in wonder.
 -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.), [quoting Plato]
%%
Wonder rather than doubt is the root of knowledge.
 -- Abraham Joshua Heschel
%%
Wonders never cease, as long as you never cease to wonder.
%%
Wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness, and its power of endurance --
the cheerful man will do more in the same time, will do it better, will
preserve it longer, than the sad or sullen.
 -- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
:wonky: /wong'kee/ [from Australian slang] adj. Yet another
   approximate synonym for {broken}.  Specifically connotes a
   malfunction that produces behavior seen as crazy, humorous, or
   amusingly perverse.  "That was the day the printer's font logic
   went wonky and everybody's listings came out in Tengwar."  Also in
   `wonked out'.  See {funky}, {demented}, {bozotic}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Won some, lost some, all interesting.
 -- Richard Nixon
%%
Won't dancing be more fun if women had their breasts on the other side?
%%
WON, TOO, THRE, FOR. . . _Duz_ spelling count??
%%
Won't you show mercy to your own -- ?
 -- Master, PLANET OF FIRE
%%
Wood is better than plastic for toys or clothes pins.
%%
Woodman, spare that tree!
  Touch not a single bough!
In youth it sheltered me,
  And I 'll protect it now.
 -- George P. Morris (1802-1864)
 -- Woodman, spare that Tree! 1830
%%
Woodpecker scalps, porpoise teeth and giraffe tails have all been
used as money.
%%
Woodwind players have better tonguing.
%%
WOOF: doglike animal.  "Who's afraid of the big bad woof?"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
:woofer: [University of Waterloo] n. Some varieties of wide paper
   for printers have a perforation 8.5 inches from the left margin
   that allows the excess on the right-hand side to be torn off when
   the print format is 80 columns or less wide.  The right-hand excess
   may be called `woofer'.  This term (like {tweeter}) has been
   in use at Waterloo since 1972, but is elsewhere unknown.  In audio
   jargon, the word refers to the bass speaker(s) on a hi-fi.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Woof! Gasp! Choke! yes, I do have people telling me all the time.
%%
WOOF WOOF, thats my other dog imitation...
%%
  W
-O_O-  King Cunning Pike
%%
Wook!  Tagwine twacks!
%%
Woopsie!
%%
Woozers, The damn'd thing actually works !
%%
Wop-babba-loo-ba, da-wop-bam-boom
 -- Little Richard
%%
...word came down from on high that the group's members are to gather two of
 everything and put them on the ARC before the forty days and forty nights of
 rain come and wipe out the current systems and standards.
 -- James P. Roynan, in LAN Computing, July 1991
%%
Word is a shadow of deed.
 -- Democritus (400 BC)
%%
WordPerfect 5.1 for DOS:  8.3 million users can't be wrong!
%%
WordPerfect and MegaMail, what a pair!!
%%
WordPerfect ... friends don't let friends use a dirty Word!
%%
WordPerfect isn't, Pagemaker doesn't, etc., etc., etc....
%%
WORDperfect, LETTERperfect, what's next?  BLANKperfect?
%%
Word Perfect Makes Perfect Sense
%%
WordPerfect?  Yes and no.
%%
Word processors, Like hot cakes selling, Correct our typing - and our
 spelling! But that machine we're truly seeking Erases errors, when we're
 speaking....
%%
Word Processor - Software that magically transforms its user into a
   professional author.
 -- From the Government Computer News, November 21, 1988 Issue
%%
Words, 25c ea. Better quality words, 50c ea.
%%
Words and ideas are what change our world.
%%
Words are like leaves; and where they most abound,
Much fruit of sense beneath is rarely found.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 109
%%
Words are men's daughters, but God's sons are things.
 -- Samuel Madden (1687-1765)
 -- Boulter's Monument
%%
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
%%
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
 -- Rudyard Kipling
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Words are the physicians of a mind diseased.
 -- Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
 -- Prometheus, 378
%%
Words are the voice of the heart.
%%
Words are women, deeds are men.
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- Jacula Prudentum
%%
    Words, as is well known, are great foes of reality
 -- Joseph Conrad
%%
Words can never express what words can never express.
%%
Words divide us, actions unite us.
 -- Slogan of the Tupamaros
%%
Words divide us, action unites us.
 -- Slogan of the Tupamaros
%%
Words form the thread on which we string our experiences.
 -- Aldoux Huxley, The Olive Tree
%%
Words have a longer life than deeds.
 -- Pindar
%%
Words have MEANINGS.
 -- R. Limbaugh
%%
Words have the power to 'condition' you, they say, and refuse to identify
the reason why words have the power to change your -- blank-out.  A
student reading a book understands it through a process of -- blank-out.
A scientist working on an invention is engaged in the activity of
 -- blank-out.  A psychologist helping a neurotic to solve a problem and
untangle a conflict, does it by means of -- blank-out. An industrialist
 -- blank-out -- there is no such person.  A factory is a 'natural
resource', like a tree, a rock or a mud puddle.
 -- John Galt
%%
Words lead to deeds....
They prepare the soul, make it ready, and move it to tenderness.
%%
Words, like eyeglasses, blur everything that they do not make clear.
 -- Joseph Joubert
%%
Words must be weighed, not counted.
 -- Polish Proverb
%%
Words of truth and soberness.
 -- New Testament
 -- Acts xxvi, 25
%%
Words of truth seem contradictory.
%%
Words of wisdom from Obsolete Hell !
%%
Words only mean what their listeners let them mean.
%%
Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought
on the unthinking.
 -- John Maynard Keynes
%%
Words 'R Us
%%
Words -- so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary,
how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows
how to combine them.
 -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
Words sweet as honey from his lips distill'd.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book i, Line 332
%%
Word Star....THE Word Processor
%%
Wordstar users - Ctrl-KQ to you, too.
%%
Words that weep and tears that speak.
 -- Abraham Cowley (1618-1667)
 -- The Prophet
%%
Words that wise Bacon or brave Raleigh spoke.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle ii, Book ii, Line 168
%%
Words with a "k" in them are funny. If it doesn't have a "k," it's not
 funny.
 -- Neil Simon
%%
Words without actions are the assassins of idealism.
 -- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964)
%%
Words -
 Words and expressions -
 All these confessions of where we stand.
 -- Fugazi "Promises"
%%
Words, words, words.  And no place to put them all!
%%
Words writ in waters.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- Revenge for Honour, Act v, Sc. 2
%%
Worf: "A *fat* Ferengi has just entered the establishment."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Worf: "As soon as the ship is operational, we must make it combat-ready."
Picard: "Well, I would recommend that before we prepare for combat we try to
  access the ship's logs, find out who we are, what our purpose here might be."
Worf: "Well I disagree.  We must first make ourselves ready for battle.  *That*
  is the highest priority."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Worf becomes anrgy at the thought of brushing his teeth.
%%
Worf: "Bridge to all personnel, select a representative from your group to
  contact the Bridge and report on your status.  Remain where you are, and stay
  calm.  Bridge out."
Kristin: "Well that helps a lot."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Worf: "Captain...I regret my recent behavior.  I assumed an attitude of
  authority that was...unwarranted."
Picard: "Mister Worf, we're all doing the best we can in a difficult situation.
  Think nothing more of it."
Worf: "Thank you, Captain."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Worf: "Captain, we are being hailed by the Klingon homeworld."
Picard: "Gowron or K'Tal?"
Worf: "Neither, sir.  It is the junior adjutant to the diplomatic delegation."
Riker: "'Junior adjutant'."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Worf! Confine Lieutenant, no, ENSIGN Fox to the brig!
%%
Worf: "Do you know any Klingon opera?"
Amarie: "I don't get a lot of requests for it."
 -- "Unification II", Stardate 45245.8
%%
Worf: "*Enter*!"
 -- "Peak Performance", Stardate unknown
%%
Worf, fire at All! BZZZZTTT!!
%%
Worf, fire at will!  Oh it's YOU Myra.  Worf, fire at Myra!
%%
Worf hides for days knowing his bumps have gone flat.
%%
Worf: "Hmm, I'm beginning to see the appeal of this program."
 -- "A Fistful Of Datas", Stardate unknown
%%
Worf: "I believe I know why our messages are not being answered.  Gowron has
  been rewriting Klingon history."
Riker: "'Rewriting history'?"
Worf: "Yes, he is claiming that it was his courage, his *genius*, that brought
  an end to the civil war."
Picard: "I see."
Worf: "In the new version, there's no mention made of the Federation's help in
  his rise to power."
 -- "Unification I", Stardate 45240.1
%%
Worf: "If the gravitational field was not functioning, how could these men be
  walking?"
Klingon: "They appeared to be wearing magnetic boots."
Spock: "Gravity boots."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8 
%%
Worf, is this your idea of sex?
This is sex, but I have no place for it in my life now.
No place microbrain? What possesses you?
 -- Geordi, Worf, and Q, "Hide and Q", stardate 41590.5
%%
Worf: "I've just completed a survey of our tactical systems.  We are equipped
  with ten phaser banks, two-hundred and fifty photon torpedoes, and a high-
  capacity shield grid."
MacDuff: "We're a battleship."
Worf: "Yes, it appears so."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Worf: "I wish to note for the record that the evidence against my
clients is  entirely circumstantial.  I *beg* the court to consider
this, when pronouncing  its sentence." Judge: "So noted."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
Worf just needs a good hug.
%%
Worf: "Klingons do not allow themselves to be...probed."
 -- "Violations", Stardate 45429.3
%%
Worf: "Mission accomplished.  We have him."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Worf: "Now we are ready."
Picard: "Question is, for what?"
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Worf: "Objection!  My client's political views on *not* on trial!"
Chang: "On the contrary!  Captain Kirk's views and motives are indeed...at the
  very *heart* of the matter!  This officer's record shows him to be an
  insubordinate, unprincipled, career-minded *opportunist*, with a history of
  violating the chain of command whenever it suited him!"
Judge: "Continue."
Chang: "Indeed, the record shows, that Captain Kirk once held the rank of
  admiral!  And that Admiral Kirk was demoted for taking matters into his own
  hands in defiance of the regulations of the law!  Do you deny the motives of
  these charges?!  Don't wait for the translation!  Answer me now!"
Kirk: "I cannot deny it."
 -- "STVI:TUC", Stardate 9523.8
%%
WORF Radio: Honorable music with a Klingon beat!
%%
Worf: "Shields failing!" Picard: "Give 'em more homework"
%%
Worf: "Shuttle has penetrated the Borg electromagnetic field."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Worf: "Sir, I protest, I am not a merry man!"
 -- "Qpid", Stardate unknown
%%
Worf: "Sir, the Borg have halted their approach to Earth."
Troi: "I think we got their attention."
 -- "The Best Of Both Worlds Part II", Stardate 44003.3
%%
Worf. So this is where you've been hiding. I told you we'd meet again.
  Aren't you going to greet me?
"I have nothing to say to you."
Haven't changed a bit, hmm? Well, I missed you, too.
 -- K'Ehleyr and Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Worf! Still struggling up the evolutionary ladder?
 -- Q
%%
Worf: "The Cardassians have no honor.  I do not trust them."
Troi: "They are our allies now, Mister Worf.  We have to trust them."
Worf: "Trust is earned.  Not *given* away."
 -- "The Wounded", Stardate 44429.6
%%
Worf: "We have yet to encounter any battleships.  They may lie ahead."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Worf: "What have you found, Doctor?"
Beverly: "Not much.  The brain scans I've run are unusual, but there's no
  damage to the hypocampus.  That suggests that we still have our long-term
  memories, but somehow they're being blocked."
Picard: "Is it possible to bypass these normal pathways, to get at these
  memories some other way?"
Beverly: "That's what I'm hoping.  What I need now is to see some normal brain
  scans for a comparison.  Is there any chance I can get the crew's medical
  files?"
Worf: "No, we are currently running a full diagnostic.  Computer resources are
  limited."
Picard: "The medical records are our next priority."
Beverly: "Thank you."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Worf: "You are concerned about the captain."
MacDuff: "I am concerned about completing our mission and ending this war...in
  victory."
 -- "Conundrum", Stardate 45494.2
%%
Worf: "You are ten centimenters dilated.  You may now give birth."
 -- "Disaster", Stardate unknown
%%
Worf: "You bore that well."
 -- "Disaster", Stardate unknown
%%
Worf, you do know what to do. Take us...uh...
"Take us out of here."
Right.
 -- Picard and Riker, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Worf: "You know my feelings."
K'Ehleyr: "Maybe I've forgotten."
 -- "Reunion", Stardate unknown
%%
Worf, you look like the inertial dampeners failed.
%%
Worf! You're a romantic!
It is among the Klingons that love poetry achieves its fullest flower.
 -- Dr. Pulaski and Worf, "Up the Long Ladder", stardate 42823.2
%%
Worf: "You will feel a sharp pain while I remove the placenta."
 -- "Disaster", Stardate unknown
%%
Worf: "You wrote this program yourself?"
Alexander: "Lieutenant Barkley helped me."
 -- "A Fistful Of Datas", Stardate unknown
%%
Work 8 hours, sleep 8 hours; but not the same 8 hours.
%%
Work and play are words to describe the same thing under different
conditions.
 -- Mark Twain
%%
:workaround: n. 1. A temporary {kluge} used to bypass, mask, or
   otherwise avoid a {bug} or {misfeature} in some system.
   Theoretically, workarounds are always replaced by {fix}es; in
   practice, customers often find themselves living with workarounds
   for long periods of time.  "The code died on NUL characters in the
   input, so I fixed it to interpret them as spaces."  "That's not a
   fix, that's a workaround!"  2. A procedure to be employed by the
   user in order to do what some currently non-working feature should
   do.  Hypothetical example: "Using META-F7 {crash}es the 4.43 build
   of Weemax, but as a workaround you can type CTRL-R, then SHIFT-F5,
   and delete the remaining {cruft} by hand."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Work as if you were to live a hundred years, pray as if you were to die
 tomorrow.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists
of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
WORK, CONSUME, BE SILENT, DIE.
%%
Work Day: 8AM to 25 Knots
%%
Work done with little effort is likely to yield little results.
 -- B. C. Forbes
%%
Work 'em hard, play 'em hard, feed 'em up to the nines, and send 'em to
 bed so tired that they are asleep before their heads are on the pillow.
 -- Frank L. Boyden (Headmaster, Deerfield Academy)
%%
Workers of the world, arise!  You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
%%
Workers of the World, forgive us!
 -- On a banner in a Moscow counter-rally, Oct 8, 1989.
%%
Workersoftheworldunite.
%%
Work expands to exceed the time allotted it.
 -- Karl's version of Parkinson's Law
%%
Work expands to fill the resources available to do it
with.
 -- Parkinson's Law
%%
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
 -- Parkinson's First Law
%%
Work Harder! Millions on welfare are depending on you!
%%
:working as designed: [IBM] adj. 1. In conformance to a wrong or
   inappropriate specification; useful, but misdesigned.
   2. Frequently used as a sardonic comment on a program's utility.
   3. Unfortunately also used as a bogus reason for not accepting a
   criticism or suggestion.  At {IBM}, this sense is used in
   official documents!  See {BAD}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Working as Designed n.Colloquialism used by software
maintenance people to indicate that while there is a
problem, it is not considered to affect the program
when the program is used for the purpose for which it
was designed. Of course, nobody uses programs the way
that programmers design them. The general user response
is usually some nasty remark about the 'designers'
mental condition when he designed it.
 -- IBM Jargon File
%%
Working computer hardware is a lot like an erect penis:
it stays up as long as you don't fuck with it.
 -- Motto of the Electrical Engineer
%%
Working is for people who don't sail.
%%
  "Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy."
 -- Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV
%%
Working on custom(ADM) is a lot like being drummer for Spinal Tap.
 -- an anonymous SCO employee
%%
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their
level of incompetence.
 -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Work is for people who can't.
%%
Work is for people who don't fish, hunt or play golf.
%%
Work is just something to do between breaks
%%
Work is of two kinds: 1) Altering the position of matter at or near the earth's
surface relative to other such matter; 2) Telling other people to do so. The
first is unpleasant and ill paid; the second is pleasant and high paid.
%%
Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.
 -- Charles Schulz
%%
Work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water
that keeps it green.
 -- Sam's Axiom (2)
%%
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
 -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Work is the great basic principle that makes all things possible, both
in time and in eternity.
 -- Bruce R. McConkie
%%
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of
 it for tomorrow.
 -- Don Herold
%%
Work on What Has Been Spoiled
Has supreme success.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
Before the starting point, three days.
After the starting point, three days.
%%
Work out your salvation with diligence.
 -- Buddha, last words
%%
Workshops are the bane of civilization.
%%
Work smarter, not harder, and be careful of your speling.
%%
Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe
to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only
art matters, I do belive in Art for Art's sake.
 -- E. M. Forster
%%
Works of charity  negligently performed are of no worth.
 -- Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote (1605-1615)
%%
Works of genius are the first things in the world.
%%
Workstations are like toothbrushes.   Nobody else may use mine,
especially not while I'm using it!
 -- Robbert Van Renesse, during his talk at the Usenix Microkernel Workshop.
%%
Works without faith are like a fish without water, it wants the element
it should live in. A building without a basis cannot stand; faith
is the foundation, and every good action is as a stone laid.
 -- Feltham
%%
WORK:
The blessed respite from screaming kids
and soap operas for which you actually get paid.
%%
Work thou not on energized equipment, for if thou dost, thy
fellow workers will surely buy beers for thy widow and console her in
other ways.
 -- The Seventh Commandments for Technicians
%%
Work to become, not to acquire.
 -- Confucius
%%
Work without a vision is slavery,
Vision without work is a pipe dream,
But vision with work is the hope of the world.
%%
Work your fingers to the bone, and what do you get?
Bony fingers!
%%
Worldcon bid committees have all of the disadvantages
and none of the advantages of a group marriage.
%%
World Ends at 3pm; Film at 5 on WLKY Early News....
%%
World ends - details after the game.
%%
World Jamboree -- Scouting's version of global diplomacy.
%%
World leaders don't offer all that much direction, really. After all, the
 whole place seems to go around in circles.
%%
World's First Parallel Processed Human Being.
%%
World's greatest Gif collector.
%%
World's greatest lie: My, what an adorable baby.
%%
Worlds may change, galaxies disintegrate, but a woman always remains a
woman.
 -- Kirk, "The Conscience of the King", stardate 2818.9
%%
World's thinnest book - "Scouts Who Weren't Prepared"
%%
World tensions have, if anything, increased in the quarter century since
H. G. Wells uttered his glum warning:  "There is no more evil thing on earth
than race prejudice, none at all.  I write deliberately -- it is the worst
single thing in life now.  It justifies and holds together more baseness,
cruelty and abomination than any other sort of error in the world."
 -- Sydney Harris
%%
World War III? No thanks!
%%
World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
 dress code!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
WORLDWIDE JOKE SHORTAGE:
Comedians everywhere are suffering due to the worldwide joke shortage. If
you have any spare jokes lying around the house that you don't want
anymore, please, give them to someone who can use them. Don't hesitate.
Jokes over two lines long are tax-deductible.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA.
%%
World-wide practice of Conservation and the fair and continued access by
all nations to the resources they need are the two indispensable
foundations of continuous plenty and of permanent peace.
 -- Gifford Pinchot
%%
:worm: [from `tapeworm' in John Brunner's novel "The
   Shockwave Rider", via XEROX PARC] n. A program that propagates
   itself over a network, reproducing itself as it goes.  Compare
   {virus}.  Nowadays the term has negative connotations, as it is
   assumed that only {cracker}s write worms.  Perhaps the
   best-known example was Robert T. Morris's `Internet Worm' of 1988,
   a `benign' one that got out of control and hogged hundreds of
   Suns and VAXen across the U.S.  See also {cracker}, {RTM},
   {Trojan horse}, {ice}, and {Great Worm, the}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Worriers spend a lot of time shoveling smoke.
 -- Claude McDonald
%%
Worries go down better with soup.
 -- Yiddish proverb
%%
Worry casts a huge shadow on a small problem.
 -- Swedish proverb
%%
Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair--
It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
%%
Worry is a human emotion.
 -- Spock, "Journey to Babel," stardate 3842.4
%%
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.   It never robs tomorrow of its sorrow;
it merely saps today of its strength.
 -- said by Dr. William Rumsey
%%
Worry is as effective as shoveling smoke.
%%
Worry not about your problems in mathematics; I can assure you mine
are still greater.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
WORRY
  Some things do worry me - like the balding bearded guy on the train
  this morning reading "The Problem of Population". He looked like in
  between stamp collecting he was seriously considering genocide.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
WORSHIP
  A be very humble to someone else, in the vain hope that they will
  grant you a wish. Worship may involve icons, idols, sacrifices,
  large cheques sent to the Bahamas, prayer, and drinking Kool-aid.
      One of the more unusual practices of worship took place amongst
  the Pangoylegoatsoup Sect of the early 1920s. These were a bunch of
  people so frightened of the imminent rise of the Anti-Christ,
  Byllierae Sirus, that they ritually set fire to their own hair, and
  chased shaven goats through the streets. Some dismissed them as
  loonies, but who's laughing now, eh?!?
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Worship God.  Love People.  Use Things.  Don't Mix Them Up!
%%
Worship me!  I am the Picard!
%%
WORSHIP, n.  Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and
fine finish of Deus Creatus.  A popular form of abjection, having an
element of pride.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Worship the potato?  The idea seemed silly to me.  But then I thought, what
 else is more deserving of worship?  It's simple, it comes from the earth, and
 it can kill you if you disobey it.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
Worst-case scenario.  U may have to BUY it.
%%
Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe
%%
Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing:
      August.  The lines are the shortest, though.
 -- Steve Rubenstein
%%
Worst Month of the Year:
      February.  February has only 28 days in it, which means that if
you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't
get.  Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.
 -- Steve Rubenstein
%%
Worst riot in U.S. history? New York City, 1863. Over 1200 dead.
%%
Worst Vegetable of the Year:
  The brussels sprout.  This is also the worst vegetable of next
year.
 -- Steve Rubenstein
%%
Worth makes the man, and want of it the fellow;
The rest is all but leather or prunello.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 203
%%
Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see.
%%
Wot's on the television?
 It looks like a penguin.
 I mean the programme.
 -- Monty Python
%%
Woulda Been A Great Shortstop: Kent Hitt
%%
Would advice from 'Q' be considered a 'Q'-tip??
%%
Would all punsters please keep their gags in their mouths?
%%
Would a Muslim vampire be scared of the Koran?
%%
Would Dax and Odan fighting be a "slug-fest"?
%%
Would George be president if his name was Harry?
%%
Would I ask you a rhetorical question?
%%
Would I lie?
%%
Would I rather be right, or happy?
%%
Would it give you a lot of pleasure?
 -- Zaphod
%%
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
 -- Princess Leia Organa
%%
Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Would it upset men if they found out we weren't different? Are we?
Aren't we? Damned if I know.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
 -- Starting from Scratch: A Different Kind of Writer's Manual
%%
Would I turn on the gas if my pal Mugsy were in there?
     You might, rabbit, you might!
 -- Looney Tunes, Bugs and Thugs (1954, Friz Freleng)
%%
Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.
%%
Would Mozart have written disco?
%%
Would Mozart have written rap?
%%
Wouldn't ban bazookas, only criminals.
 -- Conservative idea #3
%%
Wouldn't it be great if cops gave you tickets--to a show? You're doing
 seventy in a forty-mile zone and they say, "All right, take this ticket--to
 a Wayne Newton show." Oh no!
 -- Reno
%%
Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?
%%
Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone renounced violence forever?
I could then conquer the whole stupid planet with just a butter knife.
%%
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a cure for AIDS in the marketplace
before Magic Johnson gets AIDS?
 --  Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/13/91 (CNN)
[Note:  Magic Johnson is HIV+ and does NOT
have AIDS. This quote seemed to imply to me that
Dan was expressing his hope for a cure only because
a well-liked figure was in danger of dying: "Because
Magic is sick, it would be nice to have a cure."]
%%
Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
 and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer
 if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
 and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and
 and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?
%%
Wouldn't you just love to steal this tagline?
%%
Wouldn't You Know It: Murphy Slaw
%%
Wouldn't you rather be a lifeguard?
%%
Wouldn't you rather be alone with me, with me in your mind?
 -- Troi to Riker, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
Would puzzle a convocation of casuists to resolve their degrees of
consanguinity.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. viii
%%
Would Shakespeare have written gothic romances?
%%
Would someone please get these sheep out of my basement
%%
Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on around here?
%%
Wouldst thou both eat thy cake and have it?
 -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
 -- The Size
%%
Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.
 -- Alfieri
%%
Would yee both eat your cake and have your cake?
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. ix
%%
Would you buy a Pontiac from this, er, man?
%%
Would you care to view the ruins of my good intentions?
%%
Would you choose one life over one thousand?
I refuse to let arithmetic decide questions like that.
 -- Data and Picard, "Justice", stardate 41255.6
%%
Would you damn your precious soul?
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. liv
%%
Would you have the grace to discorporate?
%%
Would you know my name if I saw you in Valhalla?
%%
"Would you like a bag with that, sir?"
"No thanks, I'll throw up in the packet."
 -- Terry ordering MacDonalds
%%
Would you like a beer, or just Budweiser horse leak?
%%
Would you like a jelly baby?
%%
Would you like a Yes/No prompt?  (Y/N)
%%
Would you like fries with that, Mr. President?
%%
Would you like me better if I were tied down?
%%
Would you like me to sing you a song?
%%
Would you like some cheese with your whine?
%%
Would you like some duck for lunch, eh misster, would you?
%%
Would you like some rat au vin to help you think?
...Rat au vin?
Yes. It's rat...
...thats been run over by a van...
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
Would you like some syrup with that WAFFLE Mr. Clinton?
%%
Would you like that in a bag, or just the usual handfull?
%%
Would you like to have some pizza with that sausage?
%%
Would you mind terribly much if I asked you to take your silly-assed
problem down the hall?
%%
Would you, my dear young friends, like to be inside with the five wise
 virgins or outside, alone and in the dark, with the five foolish ones?
%%
Would you please shut up and sit down!
 -- George Bush, to a grooup of POW-MIA families protesting his campaign
     speech in Crystal City, Va.
%%
Would you prefer to be conscious or unconscious during mating?
%%
Would your daughter be allowed to date Rush Limbaugh or Bill Clinton?
%%
Would you stand up and walk out on me??
%%
:wound around the axle: adj. In an infinite loop.  Often used by older
   computer types.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wounded Knee: 100 years December 29, 1990.
%%
Wow! 2 Nodes huh? [GRIN]
%%
Wowie, I'm having a really great time!
%%
Wow, is that a REAL Elvis satin wallhanging?
%%
Wow! It IS raining cats and dogs! I'm outta here.
%%
Wow! Liquid Schwartz!
%%
Wow!  Look!!  A stray meatball!!  Let's interview it!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
WOW! Look at the *size* of that.....briefcase.
%%
Wow, man... like, totally Hidden Valley Ranch, dude.
%%
WOW!... Short runway...but look how WIDE it is!!!
%%
Wow, some lady walked into my room, picked me up, and put her
 breast in my mouth. I liked it!
 -- A baby boys first tangeable thought
%%
Wow! They've put my favourite food on the menu again!
%%
        Wow, this mall has everything.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
Wow, this message was really pointless and stupid, wasn't it?
%%
Wow! What a groove!  It's a tropical paradise!
%%
Wow!  Wow!  Wow!
%%
WP Corp Support Can't Be Beat!
%%
WPET: Write Past End of Tape
%%
WP for WIN will be a Winner!
%%
WPM: Write Programmer's Mind
%%
WP: Write Poop
%%
:wq
 -- A tribute to a well-loved editor I once knew...
%%
:wrap around: vi. (also n. `wraparound' and v. shorthand
   `wrap') 1. [techspeak] The action of a counter that starts over
   at zero or at `minus infinity' (see {infinity}) after its
   maximum value has been reached, and continues incrementing, either
   because it is programmed to do so or because of an overflow (as
   when a car's odometer starts over at 0).  2. To change {phase}
   gradually and continuously by maintaining a steady wake-sleep cycle
   somewhat longer than 24 hours, e.g., living six long (28-hour) days
   in a week (or, equivalently, sleeping at the rate of
   10 microhertz).  This sense is also called {phase-wrapping}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wrap it around a lonely frat man's pecker.
 -- There's more than one way to skin a cat: Way #32
%%
Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil.
%%
Wrap that rascal -- Use write protect tabs.
%%
WRATH, n.  Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to
exalted characters and momentous occasions; as, "the wrath of God,"
"the day of wrath," etc.  Amongst the ancients the wrath of kings was
deemed sacred, for it could usually command the agency of some god for
its fit manifestation, as could also that of a priest.  The Greeks
before Troy were so harried by Apollo that they jumped out of the
frying-pan of the wrath of Cryses into the fire of the wrath of
Achilles, though Agamemnon, the sole offender, was neither fried nor
roasted.  A similar noted immunity was that of David when he incurred
the wrath of Yahveh by numbering his people, seventy thousand of whom
paid the penalty with their lives.  God is now Love, and a director of
the census performs his work without apprehension of disaster.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Wreck the malls with cows on Harleys
%%
WRESTLERS have better holds.
%%
WRESTLERS know the best holds
%%
Wrestlers try not to do it on their backs.
%%
Wretched woman to both assault my genetailia and deny me the chance to
lie about it later!   (You know, that is one whopper of an
out-of-context quote.)
 -- Mike Shapiro.
%%
Wrigley mortis: the effect of a cold drink on chewing gum.
%%
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Write a book if you can't read a book!
%%
Write all adverbial forms correct.
%%
Write all complaints legibly in this space -< []
%%
Write down the advice of him who loves you, thou you like it not at present.
%%
Write down the thougths of the moment.
Those that come unsought for
are commonly the most valuable.
 -- Francis Bacon
%%
Write home; they miss you.
%%
Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Write me as one who loves his fellow-men.
 -- Leigh Hunt (1784-1859)
 -- Abou Ben Adhem
%%
:write-only code: [a play on `read-only memory'] n. Code so
   arcane, complex, or ill-structured that it cannot be modified or
   even comprehended by anyone but its author, and possibly not even
   by him/her.  A {Bad Thing}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:write-only language: n. A language with syntax (or semantics)
   sufficiently dense and bizarre that any routine of significant size
   is automatically {write-only code}.  A sobriquet applied
   occasionally to C and often to APL, though {INTERCAL} and
   {TECO} certainly deserve it more.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:write-only memory: n. The obvious antonym to `read-only
   memory'.  Out of frustration with the long and seemingly useless
   chain of approvals required of component specifications, during
   which no actual checking seemed to occur, an engineer at Signetics
   once created a specification for a write-only memory and included
   it with a bunch of other specifications to be approved.  This
   inclusion came to the attention of Signetics {management} only
   when regular customers started calling and asking for pricing
   information.  Signetics published a corrected edition of the data
   book and requested the return of the `erroneous' ones.  Later,
   around 1974, Signetics bought a double-page spread in "Electronics"
   magazine's April issue and used the spec as an April Fools' Day
   joke.  Instead of the more conventional characteristic curves, the
   25120 "fully encoded, 9046 x N, Random Access, write-only-memory"
   data sheet included diagrams of "bit capacity vs. Temp.",
   "Iff vs. Vff", "Number of pins remaining vs. number of socket
   insertions", and "AQL vs. selling price".  The 25120 required a
   6.3 VAC VFF supply, a +10V VCC, and VDD of 0V, +/- 2%.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Write-Protect Tab, n.:
        A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an error
message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs the
momentary inconvenience.
 -- Robb Russon
%%
Writers aren't exactly people...they're a whole lot of people trying to be
one person.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
%%
Writers, composers, entertainers and such know an awful truth: it
is easier to please a million people you don't know than to please
one person you do know.
 -- Richard J. Needham
%%
Writers desire to be paid, authors desire recognition.
 -- James L. Davis
%%
Writers differ with respect to the apophthegms of the Seven Sages,
attributing the same one to various authors.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Thales, xiv
%%
Writers do it between periods.
%%
WRITERS have novel ways.
%%
Writers of novels and romances in general bring a double loss on
their readers, they rob them both of their time and money; representing
men, manners, and things that never have been, nor are likely to
be; either confounding or perverting history or truth, inflating
the mind, or committing violence upon the understanding.
 -- Lady Montague
%%
Writers should avoid the academy. When a writer begins to accept pay for
talking about words, we know what he will produce soon: nothing but words.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
Writers write, readers read and BBSers "BS"
%%
Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that
readeth it.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Habakkuk ii, 2
%%
Write to your local council complaining about the lack of mermaid
ramps on public buildings.
 -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
%%
Write with the learned, pronounce with the vulgar.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
%%
Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of
some painful illness.
 -- George Orwell (1903-1950)
%%
Writing a book is a novel idea...
%%
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
 -- Thelonious Monk (also attributed to Lester Bangs
 -- and said to be in 'Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung')
%%
Writing a good LSAT was the start of my decline.
%%
Writing comes easy.  It's just a matter of staring at a blank
 piece of paper until your forehead bleeds.
 -- Ring Lardner
%%
Writing for television is a debilitating exercise. How can you inspire an
audience to their best when every fourteen minutes someone interrupts to tell
them that they're unfit to live with? The ultimate purpose of commercial
television is to convince the viewer that he smells bad.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
 -- Robert Frost, Address
%%
Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until
    drops of blood form on your forehead.
 -- Gene Fowler
%%
Writing is like prostitution.First you do it for
love, and then for a few close friends, and then
for money.
 -- Moliere
%%
Writing is not hard. Just get paper and pencil, sit down and write it as
it occurs to you. The writing is easy- it's the occurring that's hard.
 -- Stephen Leacock
%%
Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of--but do it in private
 and wash you hands afterwards.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
Writing is the only profession
where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.
 -- Jules Renard
%%
Writing programs needs genius to save the last order or the last millisecond.
 It is great fun, but it is a young man's game.   You start it with great
 enthusiasm when you first start programming, but after ten years you get a
 bit bored with it, and then you turn to automatic-programming languages and
 use them because they enable you to get to the heart of the problem that you
 want to do, instead of having to concentrate on the mechanics of getting the
 program going as fast as you possibly can, which is really nothing more than
 doing a sort of crossword puzzle.
 -- Christopher Strachey, 1962
%%
Writing science fiction for about a penny a word is no way to make a
living, If you really want to make a million, the quickest way is to
start your own religion.
 -- L. Ron Hubbard
%%
Writing software is more fun than working.
%%
Writing to Washington won't help -- he's dead!
%%
Written laws are like spiders' webs, and will like them only entangle
and hold the poor and weak, while the rich and powerful easily break
through them.
 -- Anacharsis (f1. c. 600 B.C.), Scythian philosopher
 -- Quoted in Plutarch, the Lives of the Nobel Grecians and Romans, Solon
%%
Written using Turbo Edlin ver 9.3 for Windows
%%
Written with a pen of iron, and with the point of a diamond.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Jeremiah xvii, 1
%%
WRNO (New Orleans) airs Rush Limbaugh across the planet on 15.42 Mhz.
%%
WROM: Write to Read Only Memory
%%
WRONG! Back to the room to study!
 --  KaZak !!!
%%
        Wrong glass, sir.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
WRONG
  Incorrect, erroneous. Generally, the things that are most likely to
  be wrong are those which you feel the most confident about. This
  confidence has usually led you to proclaim it is an undeniable fact
  to all and sundry, and to generally stake your reputation/life/
  fortune on it.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
 Wrong number?  No sweat, I was going to pick up the phone
 anyway.
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
Wrong, said Renner.

The tactful way, Rod said quietly, the polite way to disagree with
the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'
%%
:Wrong Thing: n. A design, action, or decision that is clearly
   incorrect or inappropriate.  Often capitalized; always emphasized
   in speech as if capitalized.  The opposite of the {Right Thing};
   more generally, anything that is not the Right Thing.  In cases
   where `the good is the enemy of the best', the merely good ---
   although good --- is nevertheless the Wrong Thing. "In C, the
   default is for module-level declarations to be visible everywhere,
   rather than just within the module.  This is clearly the Wrong
   Thing."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Wrote my own communications software in LISP.  Got a phone bill
for a thousand dollars.  My computer keeps calling itself.
 -- Rod Schmidt
%%
WRTJ: Who Reads This Junk?
%%
WSE: Write Stack Everywhere
%%
WSWW: Work in Strange and Wondrous Ways
%%
W*&t?  I th^%k w% h@$% s%m# l&n$ n*&se.
%%
:wugga wugga: /wuh'g* wuh'g*/ n. Imaginary sound that a computer
   program makes as it labors with a tedious or difficult task.
   Compare {cruncha cruncha cruncha}, {grind} (sense 4).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
WUNST: at one time.  "Ah used ta node her wunst!"
 -- Texan Dictionary
%%
WUPO: Wad Up Printer Output
%%
Wurlitzer one for the money, two for the show.
%%
Wut 's words to them whose faith an' truth
  On war's red techstone rang true metal;
Who ventered life an' love an' youth
  For the gret prize o' death in battle?
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin', No. x
%%
Wwaaayyyyyyyyyyy Cooool Junior...
%%
WWhhaatt   ddooeess   dduupplleexx    mmeeaann??
%%
WWhhaatt   ddooeess   ""HHAALLFF--DDUUPPLLEEXX""    mmeeaann??
%%
WWI GIs did it over there.
%%
WWLR: Write Wrong Length Record
%%
WWR: Write Wrong Record
%%
WYGIWYD - What you got, is what you deserve.
%%
WYMI - the all-philosophy radio station.
%%
WYPIWYG: What You Printed Is What You've Got.
%%
:WYSIAYG: /wiz'ee-ayg/ adj. Describes a user interface under
   which "What You See Is *All* You Get"; an unhappy variant of
   {WYSIWYG}.  Visual, `point-and-shoot'-style interfaces tend to
   have easy initial learning curves, but also to lack depth; they
   often frustrate advanced users who would be better served by a
   command-style interface.  When this happens, the frustrated user
   has a WYSIAYG problem.  This term is most often used of editors,
   word processors, and document formatting programs.  WYSIWYG
   `desktop publishing' programs, for example, are a clear win for
   creating small documents with lots of fonts and graphics in them,
   especially things like newsletters and presentation slides.  When
   typesetting book-length manuscripts, on the other hand, scale
   changes the nature of the task; one quickly runs into WYSIAYG
   limitations, and the increased power and flexibility of a
   command-driven formatter like {{TeX}} or UNIX's {{troff}}
   becomes not just desirable but a necessity.  Compare {YAFIYGI}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
WYSIWIG: What you see is fake hair.
%%
WYSIWYG: What You See Is What You Get.
%%
:WYSIWYG: /wiz'ee-wig/ adj. Describes a user interface under
   which "What You See Is What You Get", as opposed to one that uses
   more-or-less obscure commands that do not result in immediate
   visual feedback.  True WYSIWYG in environments supporting multiple
   fonts or graphics is a a rarely-attained ideal; there are variants
   of this term to express real-world manifestations including
   WYSIAWYG (What You See Is *Almost* What You Get) and
   WYSIMOLWYG (What You See Is More or Less What You Get).  All these
   can be mildly derogatory, as they are often used to refer to
   dumbed-down {user-friendly} interfaces targeted at
   non-programmers; a hacker has no fear of obscure commands (compare
   {WYSIAYG}).  On the other hand, {EMACS} was one of the very first
   WYSIWYG editors, replacing (actually, at first overlaying) the
   extremely obscure, command-based {TECO}.  See also {WIMP
   environment}.  [Oddly enough, WYSIWYG has already made it into the
   OED, in lower case yet. --- ESR]
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
WYTYSYDG: What you thought you saw, you didn't get.
%%
xdballoc: out of dblks
%%
Xenophanes said, "I confess myself the greatest coward in the world,
for I dare not do an ill thing."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Bashfulness
%%
Xenophanes speaks thus:--
And no man knows distinctly anything,
And no man ever will.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Pyrrho, viii
%%
Xenophanes was the first person who asserted... that the soul is a spirit.
 -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD)
 -- Xenophanes, iii
%%
Xenophon says that there is no sound more pleasing than one's own praises.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Whether an Aged Man ought to meddle in State Affairs
%%
Xerox: A trademark for a photocopying device that can make rapid
reproductions of human error, perfectly.
 -- Merle L. Meacham
%%
Xerox does it again and again and again and again and...
%%
  Xeroxes I:  Persian Photocopy King
 -- Not-so-Famous People from History
%%
Xerox invents it, Apple commercialises it, and I.B.M. makes money out of it.
%%
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
%%
:XEROX PARC: /zee'roks park'/ The famed Palo Alto Research
   Center.  For more than a decade, from the early 1970s into the
   mid-1980s, PARC yielded an astonishing volume of groundbreaking
   hardware and software innovations.  The modern mice, windows, and
   icons style of software interface was invented there.  So was the
   laser printer and the local-area network; and PARC's series of D
   machines anticipated the powerful personal computers of the 1980s
   by a decade.  Sadly, the prophets at PARC were without honor in
   their own company, so much so that it became a standard joke to
   describe PARC as a place that specialized in developing brilliant
   ideas for everyone else.

   The stunning shortsightedness and obtusity of XEROX's top-level
   {suit}s has been well anatomized in "Fumbling The Future:
   How XEROX Invented, Then Ignored, the First Personal Computer" by
   Douglas K. Smith and Robert C. Alexander (William Morrow & Co.,
   1988, ISBN 0-688-09511-9).
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:XEROX PARC: /zee'roks park'/ The famed Palo Alto Research
   Center.  For more than a decade, from the early 1970s into the
   mid-1980s, PARC yielded an astonishing volume of groundbreakioool Junior...
%%
Xerox sues somebody for copying?
 -- David Letterman
%%
XEROX: Your BUREAUCRACY is our business.
%%
Xerox your lunch and file it under ``sex offenders!''
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
XIIdigitation, n.:
    The practice of trying to determine the year a movie was made
by deciphering the Roman numerals at the end of the credits.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
X in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility
to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will
doubtless last as long as the language.  X is the sacred symbol of ten
dollars, and in such words as Xmas, Xn, etc., stands for Christ, not,
as is popular supposed, because it represents a cross, but because the
corresponding letter in the Greek alphabet is the initial of his name
 -- _Xristos_.  If it represented a cross it would stand for St.
Andrew, who "testified" upon one of that shape.  In the algebra of
psychology x stands for Woman's mind.  Words beginning with X are
Grecian and will not be defined in this standard English dictionary.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
XIO     Execute Invalid Op code
%%
XKF     Execute Kermit the Frog
%%
xmballoc: out of mblks
%%
XMB     Exclusive MayBe
%%
XMODEM:  A spot-marking transfer protocol.
%%
:    /-\      /-\
:    |    x      |     n
:     \ (e) =   -+-  (u)
:      |      |
:    \_/      |
:
:(i.e. the integral of e to the x is equal to the function of u to the n)
:after looking carefully it reads sex = fun.  Yes it is true, it really
:is on Cal Poly's math department's T-shirts.
%%
!xob XINEX siht edisni kcuts m'I !pleH
%%
:XOFF: /X-of/ n. Syn. {control-S}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
XOH     Execute no-Op and Hang
%%
XOI     Execute Operator Immediate.
%%
xon Weatherhead
%%
:XON: /X-on/ n. Syn. {control-Q}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:xor: /X'or/, /kzor/ conj. Exclusive or.  `A xor B' means
   `A or B, but not both'.  "I want to get cherry pie xor a
   banana split."  This derives from the technical use of the term as
   a function on truth-values that is true if exactly one of its two
   arguments is true.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
XPR     Execute Programmer
%%
X-rated movies are all alike...the only thing they
 leave to the imagination is the plot.
%%
X-Ray Diffraction: An occupational disorder common among physicians,
   caused by reading X-ray pictures in darkened rooms
   for prolonged periods.  The condition is readily
   cured by a greater reliance on blood chemistries; the
   lab results are just as inconclusive as the X-rays, but
   are easier to read.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
:xref: /X'ref/ vt., n. Hackish standard abbreviation for
   `cross-reference'.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
XT at 8 Mhz. = 386 at 25 Mhz. + Windose
%%
X Toolkit Error: someone pulled the keyboard out from under us
 -- Error message from the X Toolkit software
%%
XVF     Exchange Virtue for Fun
%%
  |
-X X-     Cunning Pike Having Taken Something Illegal
  ~
%%
:X: /X/ n. 1. Used in various speech and writing contexts (also
   in lowercase) in roughly its algebraic sense of `unknown within a
   set defined by context' (compare {N}).  Thus, the abbreviation
   680x0 stands for 68000, 68010, 68020, 68030, or 68040, and 80x86
   stands for 80186, 80286 80386 or 80486 (note that a UNIX hacker
   might write these as 680[0-4]0 and 80[1-4]86 or 680?0 and 80?86
   respectively; see {glob}).  2. [after the name of an earlier
   window system called `W'] An over-sized, over-featured,
   over-engineered and incredibly over-complicated window system
   developed at MIT and widely used on UNIX systems.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:XXX: /X-X-X/ n. A marker that attention is needed.
   Commonly used in program comments to indicate areas that are kluged
   up or need to be.  Some hackers liken `XXX' to the notional
   heavy-porn movie rating.  Compare {FIXME}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
   XXXXX
  X     X
 X  * *  X
 X*     *X
 X ***** X
  X     X
   XXXXX
%%
      XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
     X             X   X
    X        \ /  X     X
   X          V  X       X
  X          O OX         X
  X      \___##X___/      X
  X         ##X##         X
  X      ___#X###___      X
  X     /   X####   \     X
   X      _X_###___      X
    X    /X   V    \    X
     X   X             X
      XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
%%
Xyzzy doesn't mean shit.
%%
:xyzzy: /X-Y-Z-Z-Y/, /X-Y-ziz'ee/, /ziz'ee/, or /ik-ziz'ee/
   [from the ADVENT game] adj. The {canonical} `magic word'.
   This comes from {ADVENT}, in which the idea is to explore an
   underground cave with many rooms and to collect the treasures you
   find there.  If you type `xyzzy' at the appropriate time, you can
   move instantly between two otherwise distant points.  If,
   therefore, you encounter some bit of {magic}, you might remark
   on this quite succinctly by saying simply "Xyzzy!"  "Ordinarily
   you can't look at someone else's screen if he has protected it, but
   if you type quadruple-bucky-clear the system will let you do it
   anyway."  "Xyzzy!"  Xyzzy has actually been implemented as an
   undocumented no-op command on several OSes; in Data General's
   AOS/VS, for example, it would typically respond "Nothing
   happens", just as {ADVENT} did if the magic was invoked at the
   wrong spot or before a player had performed the action that enabled
   the word.  In more recent 32-bit versions, by the way, AOS/VS
   responds "Twice as much happens".  See also {plugh}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH...gluk and Oops.
%%
YABAs: Yet Another Babylon Anomaly.
%%
:YABA: /ya'b*/ [Cambridge] n. Yet Another Bloody Acronym.
   Whenever some program is being named, someone invariably suggests
   that it be given a name that is acronymic.  The response from those
   with a trace of originality is to remark ironically that the
   proposed name would then be `YABA-compatible'.  Also used in
   response to questions like "What is WYSIWYG?"  See also
   {TLA}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Yabbadynamics: n., progressive force which enables Fred Flintstone
   to power a stone automobile with just his feet.
 -- Jens-Dominik Mueller
%%
Ya..  But if it worked 1st time.. What fun would it be?
%%
YAB: Yet Another Bug
%%
Ya can talk all ya wanna, but it's dif'rent than it was!
No it aint!     But ya gotta know the territory!
 -- Meredith Willson, The Music Man
%%
Yacc owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have
goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
their endless search for one more feature.      Their irritating
unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
 -- S. C. Johnson, Yacc guide acknowledgements
%%
Yachties Do It With Berth Control.
%%
:YAFIYGI: /yaf'ee-y*-gee/ adj.  [coined in response to WYSIWYG]
   Describes the command-oriented ed/vi/nroff/TeX style of word
   processing or other user interface, the opposite of {WYSIWYG}.
   Stands for "You asked for it, you got it", because what you
   actually asked for is often not apparent until long after it is too
   late to do anything about it.  Used to denote perversity ("Real
   Programmers use YAFIYGI tools...and *like* it!") or, less
   often, a necessary tradeoff ("Only a YAFIYGI tool can have full
   programmable flexibility in its interface.").

   This precise sense of "You asked for it, you got it" seems to
   have first appeared in Ed Post's classic parody "Real
   Programmers don't use Pascal"; the acronym is a more recent (as of
   1993) invention.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ya got another objection?  Hmmm?
%%
 Ya got mah cheese-whiz boah?!?
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
Ya gotta be subtle!
 -- Mike Hammer
%%
Ya gotta feel sorry for all them convicts in New Hampshire, stampin'
 out license plates that say "Live free or Die."
%%
Yah better reply to this one ya flea bitt'n varmint!!
%%
Ya' heard of me?
%%
Yakkety yak.. y'all come back now.. ya hear?
%%
Ya know, I should be urchin everybody to stop this thread.
%%
Ya' know, that outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.....
 -- Pick up line
%%
Yale is terrific for anything you wanna do,
so long as it doesn't involve people with sneakers,
guns, dope, lust, or sloth.
 -- Tom Wolfe, "Bonfire of the Vanities"
%%
Ya might be better off alone.
%%
Yankee by birth, Texan by choice!
%%
Yankee Go Home! -- And Take Me With You!
 -- Sign in Cuba
%%
YANKEE, n.  In Europe, an American.  In the Northern States of our
Union, a New Englander.  In the Southern States the word is unknown.
(See DAMNYANK.)
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Yankees do it frugally.
%%
Yankee traders, I like the sound of that.
Well sir, I doubt they wear red, white, and blue or look anything like
  Uncle Sam.
 -- Riker and Data about the Ferengi, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
Yar: "Captain Jean-Luc Picard, I wish I could say you've been like a father to
  me, but I've never had one so I don't know what it feels like.  But if there
  was one person in this universe who I would choose to be like, someone who I
  would want to make proud of me, it's you.  You who have the heart of an
  explorer and the soul of a poet.  So you'll understand when I say, 'Death is
  that state in which one exists only in the memory of others', which is why it
  is not an end.  No goodbyes, just good memories.  Hailing frequencies closed,
  sir."
 -- "Skin Of Evil", Stardate 41601.3.
%%
Yar: "I've always known the risks that came with a Starfleet uniform.
 If I'm to
  die in one...I'd like my death to count for something."
 -- "Yesterday's Enterprise", Stardate unknown
%%
YASE: Yet Another Stupid Error
%%
Yasser Arafat is a shampoo addict. You can tell, since he is always running
 around with that towel on his head.
%%
Yasser Arafat was refused entry into New York because there are no current
 openings for convenience store managers.
%%
:YAUN: /yawn/ [Acronym for `Yet Another UNIX Nerd'] n. Reported
   from the San Diego Computer Society (predominantly a microcomputer
   users' group) as a good-natured punning insult aimed at UNIX
   zealots.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Yawn a more Roman way.
%%
Yawning at X-rated movie: Indecent composure.
%%
Yawning is an orgasm for your face.
 -- Gunvar Ingeborg
%%
Yawn: The only time some men get to open their mouths.
%%
:YA-: [Yet Another] abbrev. In hackish acronyms this almost
   invariably expands to {Yet Another}, following the precedent set
   by UNIX `yacc(1)' (Yet Another Compiler-Compiler).  See
   {YABA}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
y.
 -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Y bother with games that aren't worth the CD they are on!!
%%
Yeah...and WHO'S got The Stanley Cup???
%%
Yeah, but my mother-in-law is MEANER than YOURS.
%%
Yeah, but she was only a little bit pregnant!
%%
Yeah, but what does Habs stand for? Have Another Beer Stupid?
%%
Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
%%
Yeah, God is dead, he laughed himself to death.
%%
Yeah, I got a modem, a real fast one too, it's a 300bps!
%%
Yeah I know the feeling.
%%
Yeah I like spreading; PB&J, BS, BUTTER, but mostly LEGS!
%%
Yeah?  I'll fight ya with one arm tied behind your back!
%%
Yeah, I love cats too...want to trade recipes?
%%
Yeah, I'm a hi-skool grajuit... wanna make somthin outta it?
%%
Yeah I Married Her, I Married The HELL Out Of Her.
%%
Yeah, I'm in the "Directory", but they missmelled my name
%%
Yeah, I've been injured. I've got a big crack in my butt.
 -- Butthead
%%
Yeah, I've got a pool table, but it's all wet.  And no diving board.
%%
Yeah, I was ugly, my mother breastfed me through a straw.
%%
Yeah, know how you feel!
%%
Yeah mon. No prahblem.
%%
Yeah, out like a lighthouse, hard as a carp, cold as a mackeral.
%%
Yeah... THAT's the ticket!
%%
Yeah, there are more important things in life than money,
but they won't go out with you if you don't have any.
%%
Yeah, there's a lot of stress here, but I'm not straining.
%%
Yeah?  Well, tell that to her parents.
 -- Geordi
%%
Yeah, you're right, you can't sense to cretins...
%%
Ye are fallen from grace.
 -- New Testament
 -- Galatians v, 4
%%
Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew v, 14
%%
Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour,
wherewith shall it be salted?
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew v, 13
%%
Year, n.:
     A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
%%
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
 -- Hugh Gallagher
%%
Years ago, I was musing with a biologist friend about the curse
Jesus H. Christ! and asked idly, I wonder what the 'H' stands for?
and my friend said Haploid.        I nearly died laughing.
 -- Kathryn Huxtable
%%
Years, education and understanding offtimes are foes.
%%
Years following years steal something every day;
At last they steal us from ourselves away.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Satires, Epistles, and Odes of Horace, Epistle ii, Book ii, Line 72
%%
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT ....... We finally got one to work
 -- computer terms as seen from a Marketing point of view
%%
Years of insanity have kept me from going crazy.
%%
Years steal
Fire from the mind as vigour from the limb,
And life's enchanted cup but sparkles near the brim.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iii, Stanza 8
%%
Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet.
%%
Yea, though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for I am
the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.
 -- Karl Cullinane The Silver Crown by Joel Rosenberg
%%
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of APL, I shall
 fear no evil, for I can string 6 primitive monadic and dyadic operators
 together.
 -- Steve Higgins
%%
Yea, though I walk thru the valley of Clintons, I'll fear no Liberal!
%%
Yea, verily do many strange things come to be.
%%
Yea, yea..once a hobby, now an expensive addiction!
%%
Ye banks and braes o' bonny Doon,
  How can ye bloom sae fresh and fair?
How can ye chant, ye little birds,
  And I sae weary fu' o' care?
 -- Robert Burns (1759-1796)
 -- The Banks of Doon
%%
Ye cannot serve God and Mammon.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew vi, 24
%%
Yeccchhh! That must be a face, it has ears!
%%
Yech! This stuff tastes like poison.
%%
Yech! This stuff tastes like poison.
(But in fact it was biologically contaminated orange juice.)
%%
Ye distant spires, ye antique towers.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- On a Distant Prospect of Eton College, Stanza 1
%%
Yee have many strings to your bowe.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part i, Chap. xi
%%
Ye gentlemen of England
  That live at home at ease,
Ah! little do you think upon
  The dangers of the seas.
 -- Martyn Parker (c. 1600-1656)
 -- Song
%%
Ye Gods! annihilate but space and time,
And make two lovers happy.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Martinus Scriblerus on the Art of Sinking in Poetry, Chap. xi
%%
Ye gods, it doth amaze me
A man of such a feeble temper should
So get the start of the majestic world
And bear the palm alone.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Ye have heard that it have been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour,
and hate thine enemy.
 -- New Testament
 -- Matthew v, 43
%%
Ye little stars! hide your diminish'd rays.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Moral Essays, Epistle iii, Line 282
%%
:Yellow Book: [proposed] n. The print version of this Jargon File;
   "The New Hacker's Dictionary", MIT Press, 1991 (ISBN
   0-262-68069-6).  Includes all the material in the 2.9.6 version of
   the File, plus a Foreword by Guy L. Steele Jr. and a Preface by
   Eric S. Raymond.  Most importantly, the book version is nicely
   typeset and includes almost all of the infamous Crunchly cartoons
   by the Great Quux, each attached to an appropriate entry.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Yellow journalism is media ochre.
%%
Yellow light. Supreme good fortune.
%%
YELLOW PAGES: Any book a naked baby sits on.
%%
Yellow Pages do it with Walking Fingers.
%%
:yellow wire: [IBM] n. Repair wires used when connectors
   (especially ribbon connectors) got broken due to some schlemiel
   pinching them, or to reconnect cut traces after the FE mistakenly
   cut one.  Compare {blue wire}, {purple wire}, {red wire}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Ye mariners of England,
That guard our native seas;
Whose flag has braved, a thousand years,
The battle and the breeze!
 -- Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)
 -- Ye Mariners of England
%%
Yep they named a street sign after Shan........."ONE WAY"
%%
Yep! you bet... What was that you said?
%%
Yer motherboard wears combat reboots.
%%
Yer such a wild thang!
%%
Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur wholeheartedly.
 -- Riker, "Where Silence Has Lease", stardate 42193.6
%%
Yes, and I feel bad about rendering their useless carci into dogfood...
 -- Badger comics
%%
Yes, but did you read the REALLY fine print?
%%
Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
%%
Yes, but what if this wasn't a rhetorical question?
%%
Yes, but what is the speed of Dark?
%%
Yes, but which self do you want to be?
%%
Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather
 at an IRON MAIDEN concert?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
YES, Cherry is my real name!
%%
Yes, child of suffering, thou mayst well be sure
He who ordained the Sabbath loves the poor!
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- A Rhymed Lesson, Urania
%%
Yes Dear, I'll Get Off The Computer In Just A Minute.
%%
Yes, dear, with Robo I now have time for a QWKie.
%%
YES!!  eh, NO!!! oh, well  MAYBE!!!!!!!!
%%
Yes, ex-wives should be allowed in combat!
%%
Yes, God has a sense of humor! I'm here, ain't I?
%%
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Ye shalt not justify thy $2,000 computer purchase by purchasing games.
%%
Yes, I admit, *I* steal taglines!!
%%
Yes, I admit it --- I'm a chocoholic.
%%
Yes! I always drink coffee while I watch radar!
%%
Yes, I do Windows (3.1)...
%%
Yes, I do Windows95...
%%
Yes, I KNOW chocolate is a vice.  Who cares?
%%
Yes, I know how to delete files.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
Yes, I know I'm off-topic.  Thank you for your concern.
%%
Yes, I know it's bad for me, but nagging me about it might be bad for you.
%%
Yes, I know the secrets of the island mind.
%%
Yes I'm built like a newborn baby, 8 lbs. 5 oz. and 21 inches.
%%
Yes, I'm in a very GUMBY mood today.
%%
Yes, I'm Still Using WordStar -- By Choice!
%%
Yes, in scene 4 we vaporize the actor and ...
%%
Yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfuly curled)
all worlds
 -- e.e. cummings
%%
 Yes, it is true, he was saying, that sometimes unusually intelligent
and sensitive children can appear to be stupid. But, Mrs. Benson,
stupid children can sometimes appear to be stupid as well. I think
that's something you might have to consider.
 -- Ralph Standish - Chief Consultant Psychologist
%%
Yes, it is written.  Good shall always destroy evil.
 -- Sirah the Yang, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown
%%
Yes, it's sexist Male Fantasies on Ice!
%%
Yes, it's true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team
 Wednesday, but he's much too broad-minded to take it out on my character.
%%
Yes, it would be the easy way...  but it wouldn't be the COWBOY way.
 -- Ranger Doug
%%
"Yes, I've met Hillary Clinton.  I was in Florida helping those poor Hurricane
victims, and SHE came down for a photo opportunity."
 -- Marilyn Quayle on "McLaughlin"
%%
Yes, I WAS wearing my seat belt!
%%
Yes, many primitive people still believe this myth...But in today's technical
vastness of the future, we can guess that surely things were much different.
 -- The Firesign Theater
%%
Yes-men: Fellows who hang around the man nobody noes.
%%
Yes, Mr. Limbaugh, I *am* going to finish that sandwich.
%%
Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time.
%%
Ye sons of France, awake to glory!
  Hark! hark! what myriads bid you rise!
Your children, wives, and grandsires hoary,
  Behold their tears and hear their cries!
 -- Joseph Rouget de L'Isle (1760-1836)
 -- The Marseilles Hymn
%%
Yes Percy, I don't want to be pedantic or anything, but the colour of
  gold is _gold_. That's why it's called gold. What you have discovered
  if indeed it has a name...is some..._green_.
 -- Edmund : Money
%%
Yes perhaps You Know St. Murphy.
%%
Yes quaint and curious war is,
You shoot a fellow down;
You'd treat if met where any bar is
Or help to half a crown.
?
%%
Yes, she faked another upload last night.....
%%
Yes sir.  It's... ah... it's a bit runny...
%%
Yes sir.
No sir.
No excuse sir.
Sir, may I ask a question.
Sir, may I make a statement.
 -- The five reponses a West Point Cadet may give to a superior
 -- during the Plebe year.
%%
Yes, sir, we've graphed the data. It's a smiley face, sir.
%%
Yes, social friend, I love thee well,
  In learned doctors' spite;
Thy clouds all other clouds dispel,
  And lap me in delight.
 -- Charles Sprague (1791-1875)
 -- To my Cigar
%%
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed.
%%
Yes, son, long ago, mail was written with pen and paper.
%%
Yesterday a convenience store chain filed Chapter 7-11.
%%
Yesterday, and to-day, and forever.
 -- New Testament
 -- Hebrews xiii, 8
%%
Yesterday an egg, tomorrow a feather duster!
%%
Yesterday a postal worker asked me what type of handgun he should buy.
%%
Yesterday I bought a decaffeinated coffee table.
And you can tell by looking at it.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Yesterday I couldn't spell "computer programmer".  Now I are one.
%%
Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for.  You put them on doughbolts.
 They hold dough airplanes together.  For kids, they make erector sets out of
 play-dough.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Yesterday I got a ticket just for watching the movie SPEED!
%%
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area
 was missing.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promissory note.
Today is the only cash you have - so spend it wisely.
 -- Kay Lyons
%%
Yesterday is a dream,
Tomorrow is a vision,
Today is a bitch.
%%
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road.  I asked it why.  It told me it
 was none of my business.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Yesterday is gone,
Tomorrow may not come,
This moment is but once in a lifetime.
%%
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road.  It said, "what for?"
 -- Steven Wright
%%
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still
  be a dog.  Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
 -- Snoopy
%%
Yesterday I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke!
%%
Yesterday I was on a guilt trip ... today I'm on an ego trip.
%%
Yesterday, I was reading an ad for Dodge trucks in Popular Mechanics, as I
was reading the  *fine print*  it stated that "These outlandish claims are
Based on test results of ... and then it finished with ...
"Buckle up for safety, Nice magnifying glass."
%%
Yesterday, I worried about tomorrow and today all is well.
%%
Yesterday morning the Baptist preacher was out to the hospital visiting
 Aunt Pet. She explained to him that she had all sixteen of her teeth pulled
 at one time. She didn't have no teeth.

 While the preacher was talking to her, he was eating some peanuts that was
 in a bowl on the nightstand. He'd talk and he'd eat. He visited, then he
 got up and said, "Mrs. Ledbetter, I'll be back to see you tomorrow, and
 I'll bring you more peanuts."

 She said, "No! No, I can't chew 'em. So don't bring me no peanuts till I
 get me some teeth. My gums are too tender now. What I do now is just suck
 the chocolate off of them peanuts and put the peanuts back in the bowl
 right there."
 -- Jerry Clower
%%
YESTERDAY, n.  The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire
past of age.

    But yesterday I should have thought me blest
        To stand high-pinnacled upon the peak
        Of middle life and look adown the bleak
    And unfamiliar foreslope to the West,
    Where solemn shadows all the land invest
        And stilly voices, half-remembered, speak
        Unfinished prophecy, and witch-fires freak
    The haunted twilight of the Dark of Rest.
    Yea, yesterday my soul was all aflame
        To stay the shadow on the dial's face
    At manhood's noonmark!  Now, in God His name
        I chide aloud the little interspace
    Disparting me from Certitude, and fain
    Would know the dream and vision ne'er again.
                                                      Baruch Arnegriff

    It is said that in his last illness the poet Arnegriff was
attended at different times by seven doctors.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Yesterday's flower children are today's blooming idiots!
%%
Yesterday's news is tomorrow's fish & chip paper.
%%
Yesterday's the past and tomorrow's the future. Today is a gift--
which is why they call it the present.
 -- Bill Keane
%%
Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today --
I think he's from the CIA.
%%
Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
%%
Yesterday, whilst in my chair,
I saw a bug which wasn't there,
It wasn't there again today,
Oh, how I wish it would go away...
 -- Heisenbug's Uncertainty Principle in plain English.
%%
Yes, that was Richard Nixon.   He used to be President.  When he left
the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware.
 -- Woody Allen, Sleeper
%%
...Yes, the lectures are optional.   Graduation is also optional.
 --  Professor Brian Quinn
%%
Yes, the lizard works; my Volvo has never been stolen.
%%
Yes, the philosophy of 'none,' meaning 'all.'
%%
Yes, this is an age of moral crisis.  Yes, you are bearing punishment
for your evil.But it is not man who is now on trial and it is not
human nature that will take the blame.It is your moral code that's
through, this time.  Your moral code has reached its climax, the
blind alley at the end of its course.  And if you wish to go on living,
what you now need is not to return to morality -- you who have never
known any -- but to discover it.
 -- John Galt
%%
Yes, this is REALLY Violet.  The voluptuous one!!
%%
YES,tonight....I have a headache!!!
%%
Yesturday I kudknot spel engeneere now I r one.
%%
Yes Virginia, there is a Al Gore.
%%
Yes Virginia, there is a Bill Clinton.
%%
Yes Virginia, there is a Dan Parsons.
%%
YES! We Deliver... Open 24HRS!
%%
Yes we have no bananas..  the cat eats them!
%%
Yes we have no bananas, Would a nut do instead?
%%
Yes, well, according to classical aerodynamics, it is
    impossible for a bumblebee to fly.
 -- 3rd Doctor, THE DAEMONS
%%
Yes, well, that's just the sort of blinkered philistine pig-ignorance
I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage.
 -- John Cleese of Monty Python
%%
Yes, we're all different!
I'm not.
Shh!
 -- Monty Python
%%
"Yes... why do we have to have evil?"
  "Ah, I think it's something to do with free will."
 -- God (played splendidly by the late Sir Ralph Richardson) in TIME BANDITS
%%
Yes, yes, but he'd be fabulously rewarded. Money...titles...castles...
...a coffin...
 -- George and Edmund : Duel and Duality
%%
Yes, yes, I suppose you could say that I like it.
 -- Guardian, The Armageddon Factor
%%
Yes, yes, to hold in my hand a capsule that contained such
   power, to know that life and death on such a scale was my choice,
  to know that the tiny pressure on my thumb, enough to break the
  glass, would end everything!  Yes, I would do it!  That power
  would set me up above the gods, and through the Daleks I shall
  have that power!
 -- Davros, Genesis of the Daleks
%%
Yes, you are getting older if no one has recently tried to talk you either
 out of or into something.
%%
Yes, you *DO* look deceptively intelligent.
%%
Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!!
%%
Yes, your boss is looking over your shoulder.
%%
Yes, Your Worshipfulness. - Han Solo
 -- ...understanding How To Deal With Authority Figures...
%%
Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Proverbs vi, 10; xxiv, 33
%%
:Yet Another: adj. [From UNIX's `yacc(1)', `Yet Another
   Compiler-Compiler', a LALR parser generator] 1. Of your own work: A
   humorous allusion often used in titles to acknowledge that the
   topic is not original, though the content is.  As in `Yet Another
   AI Group' or `Yet Another Simulated Annealing Algorithm'.  2. Of
   others' work: Describes something of which there are already far
   too many.  See also {YA-}, {YABA}, {YAUN}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Yet Another D**n Yankee, ........From Miami!!!
%%
Yet another hurdle cleared successfully.
%%
Yet beauty, though injurious, hath strange power,
After offence returning, to regain
Love once possess'd.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Samson Agonistes, Line 1003
%%
Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still
speaking almost gently.  The optimist proclaims that we live in the
best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
 -- J. B. Cabell [The Silver Stallion]
%%
Yet do I fear thy nature;
It is too full o' the milk of human kindness.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Yet, Freedom! yet thy banner, torn, but flying,
Streams like the thunder-storm against the wind.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto iv, Stanza 98
%%
Yet from those flames
No light, but rather darkness visible.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book i, Line 62
%%
Yet God hath not only granted these faculties, by which we may bear
every event without being depressed or broken by it, but like a good
prince and a true father, hath placed their exercise above restraint,
compulsion, or hindrance, and wholly without our own control.
 -- Epictetus (c. 60 AD)
 -- Discourses, Book i, Chap. vi
%%
yeti: (also called abominable snowman, bigfoot, sasquatch): large upright
creature that roams the high country. because no anthropologist has ever seen
a yeti, its reality is discredited by science. on the other hand, there is no
evidence of a scientist ever having been seen by a yeti, which makes the
former's existence equally doubtful.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Yet I argue not
Against Heav'n's hand or will, nor bate a jot
Of heart or hope; but still bear up and steer
Right onward.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Sonnet xxii, To Cyriac Skinner
%%
Yet I doubt not through the ages one increasing purpose runs,
And the thoughts of men are widen'd with the process of the suns.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- Locksley Hall, Line 137
%%
Yet in bestowing, madam,
He was most princely.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
Yet in my lineaments they trace
Some features of my father's face.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Parisina, Stanza 13
%%
Yet in our ashen cold is fire yreken.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Reves Prologue, Line 3880
%%
Yet I shall temper so
Justice with mercy, as may illustrate most
Them fully satisfy'd, and thee appease.
 -- John Milton (1608-1674)
 -- Paradise Lost, Book x, Line 77
%%
Yet let not each gay turn thy rapture move;
For fools admire, but men of sense approve.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Essay on Criticism, Part ii, Line 190
%%
Ye towers of Julius, London's lasting shame,
With many a foul and midnight murder fed.
 -- Thomas Gray (1716-1771)
 -- The Bard, II, 3, Line 11
%%
Yet spirit immortal, the tomb cannot bind thee,
  But like thine own eagle that soars to the sun
Thou springest from bondage and leavest behind thee
  A name which before thee no mortal hath won.
Tho' nations may combat, and war's thunders rattle,
  No more on thy steed wilt thou sweep o'er the plain:
Thou sleep'st thy last sleep, thou hast fought thy last battle,
  No sound can awake thee to glory again.
 -- Leonard Heath
 -- The Grave of Bonaparte
%%
Yet still we hug the dear deceit.
 -- Nathaniel Cotton (1707-1788)
 -- Content, Vision iv
%%
Yet taught by time, my heart has learn'd to glow
For others' good, and melt at others' woe.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Odyssey of Homer, Book xviii, Line 269
%%
Yet the first bringer of unwelcome news
Hath but a losing office, and his tongue
Sounds ever after as a sullen bell,
Remember'd tolling a departing friend.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
Yet there was round thee such a dawn
  Of light, ne'er seen before,
As fancy never could have drawn,
  And never can restore.
 -- Charles Wolfe (1791-1823)
 -- To Mary
%%
Yet truth will sometimes lend her noblest fires,
And decorate the verse herself inspires:
This fact, in virtue's name, let Crabbe attest,--
Though Nature's sternest painter, yet the best.
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, Line 839
%%
Yet while my Hector still survives, I see
My father, mother, brethren, all, in thee.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- The Iliad of Homer, Book vi, Line 544
%%
Yet [white] men [of South Africa] were afraid,
with a fear that was deep, deep in the heart,
a fear so deep that they hid their kindness, ...
They were afraid because they were so few.
And fear could not be cast out, but by love.
 -- Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
%%
Yet, who can help loving the land that has taught us
Six hundred and eighty-five ways to dress eggs?
 -- Thomas Moore, "The Fudge Family in Paris"
%%
Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act v, Sc. 1
%%
                     ____________________________
                    |                            |
                   /\                            |
                  /  \                          /|\
                 /    \                    ______|______
                /      \                  |             |
               /        \y_______________\|   I AM      |
               \I THINK /                /|             |
                \      /                  |_____________|
                 \    /
                  \  /
                   \/
                   |n
                  \|/
              _____|_______
             |             |
             |   STOP      |
             |_____________|
%%
Yielding more wholesome food than all the messes
That now taste-curious wanton plenty dresses.
 -- Du Bartas (1544-1590)
 -- Divine Weekes and Workes, Second Week, First Day, Part i
%%
 Yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation yields falsehood when
     preceded by its quotation.
 -- W.V.O. Quine
%%
Yield to oncoming traffic.
%%
Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
YII: Yield to Irresistable Impulse
%%
Ying tong yiddle I po.
%%
Yinkel, n.:
   A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one
will notice.
 -- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
Yippies, hippies, yahoos, Black Panthers, lions and tigers alike -- I
would swap the whole damn zoo for the kind of young Americans I saw in
Vietnam.
 -- Spiro T. Agnew
%%
Yip yip yip yip yap yap yip *BANG* --- NO TERRIER
%%
    Y is for Yggdrasil.   The legendary Nordic ash tree with
its three roots extending into the lands of mortals, giants,
and Niflheim, the land of mist, grows in Wisconsin.  Legend
has it that when the tree falls, the universe will fall.  Next
Wednesday, the State Highway Commission comes through that
empty pasture with a freeway.
 -- Harlan Ellison
 -- From A to Z in the Chocolate Alphabet
%%
Y is for Yuggoth, a planet far
%%
Y'know, every once in a while, when you look off into the distance,
 you can see a shimmering in the atmosphere's coefficient of refraction,
 as someone, someone small and slow on the horizon, gets a clue.
 -- Blair Houghton, who's yet to get one
%%
Y'know it's really a shame there's no anbo-jyutsu ring nearby, because
  you really need to be put in your place.
 -- Kyle Riker to Cmdr. Riker, "The Icarus Factor", stardate 42686.4
%%
Y'know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him
 right if we set his precious forest on fire.
%%
Y'know, the world would be a beautiful
 place if it certain people weren't in it.
 -- Radio Days
%%
YKYBDTTLW ... everything you post comes out in taglines.
%%
YKYBDTTLW ... you notice the sun coming up outside your window.
%%
YKYBDTTLW ... you're always saying, "That'd make a great tagline!"
%%
YKYBDTTLW ... you start singing "tagline" songs.
%%
:YKYBHTLW: // Abbreviation of `You know you've been hacking too
   long when...', which became established on the USENET group
   alt.folklore.computers during extended discussion of the
   indicated entry in the Jargon File.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Yo baby yo baby yo.
 -- Eddie Murphy
%%
Yoda of BORG am I.  Futile is resistance...assimilate you I will.
%%
YOGA: Exit Finite-State Mode
%%
Yogi Bare was a Buddhist Nudist.
%%
Yogurt?!
%%
YOGURT: The baby's home facial kit.
%%
Yogurt!  Yogurt!  I hate Yogurt!  Even with strawberries!
%%
 Yo.  I ain't here at the moment.  Leave a message at that silly
 beep and I'll get back...  (Sniff, sniff...)  Hey, what are you
 cooking?  It smells good.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
YOKE, n.  An implement, madam, to whose Latin name, _jugum_, we owe
one of the most illuminating words in our language -- a word that
defines the matrimonial situation with precision, point and poignancy.
A thousand apologies for withholding it.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Yoko's Robe: Kim Ono.
%%
'Yo Mama -- core dumped.'
 -- The household robot says
%%
Yo momma aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
%%
Yo momma arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
%%
Yo momma breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
%%
Yo momma cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
%%
Yo momma feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
%%
Yo momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
%%
Yo momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
%%
Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches.
%%
Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!
%%
Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
%%
Yo momma got three fingers and a banjo.
%%
Yo momma gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
%%
Yo momma hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
%%
Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.
%%
Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
%%
Yo momma has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.
%%
Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
%%
Yo momma has a 'fro with warning lights.
%%
Yo momma has a glass eye with a fish in it.
%%
Yo momma has an afro with a chin strap.
%%
Yo momma has a short arm and can't applaude.
%%
Yo momma has a short leg and walks in circles.
%%
Yo momma has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.
%%
Yo momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
%%
Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.
%%
Yo momma has one hand and a Clapper.
%%
Yo momma has one leg and a bicycle.
%%
Yo momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
%%
Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.
%%
Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
%%
Yo momma head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
%%
Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
%%
Yo momma hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
%%
Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
%%
Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
%%
Yo momma house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had
to go outside to eat it.
%%
Yo momma house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
%%
Yo momma in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
%%
Yo momma is missing a finger and can't count past 9.
%%
Yo momma like a bowling ball.  She's picked up, fingered, and then
thrown in the gutter.
%%
Yo momma like a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.
%%
Yo momma like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!
%%
Yo momma like a bus:  Guys climb on and off her all day long.
%%
Yo momma like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!
%%
Yo momma like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!
%%
Yo momma like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!
%%
Yo momma like a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!
%%
Yo momma like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.
%%
Yo momma like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!
%%
Yo momma like a shotgun: one cock and she blows!
%%
Yo momma like a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
%%
Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"
%%
Yo momma like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!
%%
Yo momma like a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.
%%
Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
%%
Yo momma like chinese food:  sweet, sour and cheap!
%%
Yo momma like Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing.
%%
Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"
%%
Yo momma like potato chips-- Fri-to Lay.
%%
Yo momma like the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!
%%
Yo momma like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!
%%
Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
%%
Yo momma middle name is Rambo.
%%
Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
%%
Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!
%%
Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
%%
Yo momma rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
%%
Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
%%
Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can
see people waving.
%%
Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
%%
Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
%%
Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind.
%%
Yo momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
%%
Yo momma so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie
Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
%%
Yo momma so dark she spits chocolate milk!
%%
Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
%%
Yo momma so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
%%
Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
%%
Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
%%
Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
%%
Yo momma so fat every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
%%
Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
%%
Yo momma so fat her college graduation picture was an aerial.
%%
Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
%%
Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
%%
Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN".
%%
Yo momma so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she'd get group insurance.
%%
Yo momma so fat, I had to slap her thigh and ride the wave in.
%%
Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
%%
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
%%
Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
%%
Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out.
%%
Yo momma so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
%%
Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
%%
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
%%
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
%%
Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
%%
Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
%%
Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
%%
Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
%%
Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
%%
Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
%%
Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
%%
Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
%%
Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
%%
Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
%%
Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
%%
Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.
%%
Yo momma so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
%%
Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.
%%
Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came
back she had on flip flops.
%%
Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
%%
Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
%%
Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached
her waist they spelled out boulevard.
%%
Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
%%
Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George
Washington's nose.
%%
Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
%%
Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
%%
Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
%%
Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
%%
Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
%%
Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
%%
Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
%%
Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.
%%
Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
%%
Yo momma so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
%%
Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her
for then new world.
%%
Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
%%
Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
%%
Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
%%
Yo momma so fat that she can't even tie her own shoes.
%%
Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode
the  bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
%%
Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
%%
Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
%%
Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows
up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
%%
Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
%%
Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.
%%
Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
%%
Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn".
%%
Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!
%%
Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
%%
Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
%%
Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her
through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
%%
Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because
we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
%%
Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
%%
Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!
%%
Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying
to get up again.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
%%
Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
%%
Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
%%
Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
%%
Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
%%
Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A.,  Chicago...
%%
Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like
she's wearin tights!
%%
Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
%%
Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the
green arrow!
%%
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please".
%%
Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th.
%%
Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
%%
Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters
try to land on her back!
%%
Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet,
they have to install speed bumps.
%%
Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping,
they hit the ground.
%%
Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
%%
Yo momma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
%%
Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie
on the other side just to get her through.
%%
Yo momma so flat she's jealous of the wall!
%%
Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
%%
Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
%%
Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her.
%%
Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
%%
Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
%%
Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples!
%%
Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody
calls her Hair Jordan.
%%
Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
%%
Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
%%
Yo momma so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
%%
Yo momma so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off.
%%
Yo momma so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.
%%
Yo momma so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!
%%
Yo momma so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
%%
Yo momma so nasty she made right guard turn left.
%%
Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
%%
Yo momma so nasty that her sh*t is glad to escape.
%%
Yo momma so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs
fresh.
%%
Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave.
%%
Yo momma so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist
to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt
%%
Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10
and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
%%
Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
%%
Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
%%
Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
%%
Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
%%
Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
%%
Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!
%%
Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
%%
Yo momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel.
%%
Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
%%
Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
%%
Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!
%%
Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
%%
Yo momma so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.
%%
Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
%%
Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
%%
Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.
%%
Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other
people's fingers.
%%
Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags.  I said,
"What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
%%
Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air
conditioning.
%%
Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
%%
Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
%%
Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
%%
Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked
her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
%%
Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
%%
Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.
%%
Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.
%%
Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
%%
Yo momma so short she models for trophys.
%%
Yo momma so short she poses for trophies!
%%
Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers license!
%%
Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
%%
Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio.
%%
Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
%%
Yo momma so slutty she blind and seeing another man.
%%
Yo momma so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!
%%
Yo momma so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!
%%
Yo momma so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs
open, and it said "breakfast of the champs".
%%
Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in
line behind me had the correct change.Yo momma so slutty she had her
own "Hands across her ass" charity drive.
%%
Yo momma so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she
thought she was getting it three times.
%%
Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented
on her nice belt!
%%
Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
%%
Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
%%
Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
%%
Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
%%
Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
%%
Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel
Prize winners.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about
she was trying to makeup her mind.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
%%
Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
%%
Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
%%
Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because
she couldn't read.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
%%
Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
%%
Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
%%
Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
%%
Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication,
she put "Hooked on Phonics."
%%
Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember
her birthday.
%%
Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked,
"M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."
%%
Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write
below the dotted line she put "O.K."
%%
Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted)
sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
%%
Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the
22 twice instead.
%%
Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran
outside with a spoon.
%%
Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
%%
Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
%%
Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
%%
Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
%%
Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
%%
Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
%%
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
%%
Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
%%
Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle,
they put it around her neck.
%%
Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a
treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
%%
Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
%%
Yo momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!
%%
Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
%%
Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry!
%%
Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
%%
Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
%%
Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
%%
Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
%%
Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats
try to bury her.Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
%%
Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that
he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
%%
Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
%%
Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life.
%%
Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out
for Star Wars.
%%
Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
%%
Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
%%
Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
%%
Yo momma so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog
will play with her!
%%
Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry,
no professionals."
%%
Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people
say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
%%
Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence
cameras.
%%
Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours.
. .for a quote!
%%
Yo momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
%%
Yo momma's so ugly, she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares!
%%
Yo momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.
%%
Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
%%
Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
%%
Yo momma twice the man you are.
%%
Yo momma wears knee-pads and yells "Curb Service!"
%%
Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant
 -- Daffy Duck of Borg
%%
Yorick is a numb skull.
%%
Yosemite Park is a place of rest, a refuge from the roar and dust and
weary, nervous, wasting work of the lowlands, in which one gains the
advantages of both solitude and society. Nowhere will you find more company
of a soothing peace-be- still kind. Your animal fellow-beings, so seldom
regarded in civilization, and every rock-brow and mountain, stream, and
lake, and every plant soon come to be regarded as brothers; even one learns
to like the storms and clouds and tireless winds. This one noble park is
big enough and rich enough for a whole life of study and aesthetic
enjoyment. It is good for everybody, no matter how benumbed with care,
encrusted with a mail of business habits like a tree with bark. None can
escape its charms. Its natural beauty cleans and warms like a fire, and you
will be willing to stay forever in one place like a tree.
 -- John Muir, American Naturalist (1838-1914)
%%
You admit that?
%%
You age as well as most people do--maybe even better.
%%
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
%%
You ain't seen nuttin' yet!
%%
You all are probably wondering what all this stuff is good for.
%%
You all know that Patrick Henry said, "Give me liberty or give me death."
 But you've never been told his complete statement. It went like this: "Give
 me liberty or give me death; preferably in that order."
 -- Steve Allen
%%
You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy
campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you
will always be.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans,
 -- whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo"
%%
You also have Freudian panties to go with that slip?
%%
You always drink alone. It wouldn't hurt you to seek out a little...
  companionship.
"I would require a Klingon woman for...companionship. Earth females are
  too fragile."
Not all of them. There are a few on this ship that would find you tame.
"Impossible."
You never know 'till you try.
"Then I will never know."
Coward.
"I was merely concerned for the...safety of my crewmates."
Drink your prune juice.
 -- Guinan and Worf, "Yesterday's Enterprise", stardate 43625.2
%%
You always find something in the last place you look.
 -- Boob's Law
%%
You always find something in the last place you look, unless it's not there.
%%
You always find the information you need on the page of the manual you look at
last.
%%
You always find things in the first place you look,
but not the first time you look there.
%%
You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the
wording:  Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person
(unless her name is not Miss Brown).      If you do not know a person's
age, ask for a driver's license and a major credit card.  If you are
introduced to a member of a minority group, use the high-five style
handshake, followed by a remark designed to show you don't mind a bit,
such as I see you are a (name of a minority group)!     Good!
 -- Dave Barry, The Stuff of Etiquette
%%
You always know where your cucumber has been.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
You always learn something by reading the classics.  Particularly The
Prince.  I go through and look at this from this intellectual point of
view.  Machiavelli had these three classes of mind.  The first class was
the person that was creative enough to be leader and be able to lead a
great nation without much help.  The second class of mind was one that
wasn't creative but could take ideas, put people around him, and be able
to lead nations forward.  And the third class of people didn't really know
much of anything.  And they were the worst kind of leaders, because not
only were they not creative, but they didn't know what was right or wrong,
and they just sort of went by whatever they felt like.
I've tried to figure out where I am.  I know I'm not the first because I don't
think I have the creativeness that Machiavelli talks about.  If I go back and
reread it I might figure it out exactly where I put myself.  I'm somewhere
between two and one.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle gives his opinion of the book
 -- "The Prince," 9/28/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
You always pass failure on your way to success.
 -- Mickey Rooney
%%
You always swat where he's not, or if he is aha! a spot.
%%
You amass things only to enjoy them.
%%
You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but
only for a limited period of time.  Why should we think that collectively,
as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?
 -- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
You and I were long friends: you are now my enemy, and I am yours.
 -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
 -- Letter to William Strahan, July 5, 1775
%%
You...and like your father...are now...MINE.
 -- Darth Vader to Luke. (Star Wars)
%%
You and me against The Rangers? GREAT! When do we attack?
%%
You and me we're going nowhere slowly
 And we gotta get away from the past
 There's nothing wrong with going nowhere baby
 But we should be going nowhere fast

 Everybody's going nowhere slowly
 They're only fighting for the chance to be last
 There's nothing wrong with going nowhere baby
 But we should be going nowhere fast

 It's so much better going nowhere fast...

 -- Nowhere Fast, Meat Loaf, _Bad Attitude_
%%
You and *WHAT* army?!?
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
You apparently are not interested in serious exploration.
%%
You appeal to a small, select group of confused people.
%%
You are about to make a most valuable discovery.
%%
You are a bundle of energy always on the go.
%%
You are a devil at everything, and there is no kind of thing in the
'versal world but what you can turn your hand to.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. xi
%%
You are a fluke of the universe...
 You have no right to be here.
 Whether you can hear it or not,
 the universe is laughing behind your back.
 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
%%
...You are a fornicating baboon.
...Que?
 -- Edmund and Spaniard : Chains
%%
You are a foul ball in the line drive of life.
 -- Charles Schulz ("Peanuts")
%%
You are a general favorite among your many friends.
%%
You are aging when all your black book names end in M.D.
%%
You are almost as ugly as a U.P.S. truck, but it has a nice bumper.
%%
You are almost there.
%%
You are always busy.
%%
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
%%
You are always welcome in my territory at your own risk.
%%
You are an excellent tactician, Captain.  You let your second in
command attack while you sit and watch for weakness.
 -- Khan Noonian Singh, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9
%%
You are an individual interested in forward thrust and the future.
%%
You are an insult to my intelligence!  I demand that you log off immediately.
%%
You are a person of firm, yet honest intentions.
%%
You are a poor girl, and if you don't like to think about it, just ask me.
 If you don't make up your mind to being that, you become one of those
 terrible girls that don't know whether they are millionairesses or paupers.
 You are neither one nor the other.
 -- F. Scott Fitzgerald (to his daughter Scottie)
%%
You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
%%
You are a singer who has to take any note above A with your eyebrows.
%%
You are a sociable, outgoing person with an honest face who applies your
talents creatively to academic and business pursuits.  Your calculus grades may
be misleading, but skill at lying, deception, and abusing people's trust is
much more useful than calculus anyway.
%%
You are a stupid, square-headed, bald git, aren't you, eh?  [there is a cut
 here]  I'm pointing at you, yes, I'm pointing at you, but I'm not actually
 addressing you; I'm addressing the one prat in the country who thought he
 could get hold of this recording, turn it round, and actually work out the
 rubbish that I'm saying.  What a poor, sad life he's got!  [there is a cut
 here]  Frankly, your act's crap, anyway -- anybody could have had it.  I hate
 the lot of you!  Bollocks to you!
{NB: Said by the club manager, backwards -- don't look for it}
 -- Red Dwarf - 'Backwards'
%%
You are at a business lunch when you are suddenly overcome with an
uncontrollable desire to pick your nose.  Since this is definitely a
no-no, you:

(a) Pretend to wave to someone across the room and with one fluid
    motion, bury your forefinger in your nostril right up to the 4th
    joint.

(b) Get everyone drunk and organize a nose picking contest with a prize
    to the one who makes his nose bleed first.

(c) Drop your napkin on the floor and when you bend over to pick it up,
    blow your nose on your sock.
%%
You are at a crossover of a high N/S passage and a low E/W one.
%%
You are at a wide place in a very tight N/S canyon.
%%
You are at home when you can scratch were it actually itches and not be
 anxious that someone will see what you are doing.
%%
You are a Time Lord, a Lord of Time.   Are there Lords in such
    a small domain?
 -- Captain Striker, Enlightenment
%%
You are a total loser if you get your junk mail with postage due!
%%
You are a tower of strength in the office, but only so-so in bed.
%%
You are at the bottom of the pit with a broken neck.
%%
You are at the edge of a deep crack going down into the center of the
earth. earth. A very old, and little used path descends into the crack.
%%
You are at your very best when things are at their worst.
%%
You are a very redundant person; that's what kind of person you are, redundant.
%%
You are aware that merit is not always rewarded.
%%
You are a wise man my friend.
Not yet sir. But with your help, I am learning.
 -- Riker and Data, "The Measure of a Man", stardate 42523.7
%%
You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.
 -- Philip Whalen
%%
You are beautiful and angular, and if you were a gas you would be inert.
 -- Dieter, from _Sprockets_
%%
You are being followed by a very large, tame bear.
%%
You are being paged.
%%
You are being watched...the video screen is two way.
%%
"You are bleeding."
"I ain't got time to bleed."
 -- Predator
%%
You are blind and I am deaf and dumb, so let us touch hands and
understand.
 --  Kahlil Gibran
%%
You are broad minded and socially active.
%%
You are building up credit for the future.
%%
You are capable of great sadism and cruelty. Interesting, no redeeming
  qualities.
 -- Data to Armus, "Skin of Evil", stardate 41601.3
%%
You are capable of planning your future.
%%
You are careful and systematic in your business arrangements.
%%
You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Fortunately, the rest
of us are entitled to ignore it.
%%
You are Christians of the best edition, all picked and culled.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iv, Chap. l
%%
You are clever, alert, and intellectual.
%%
You are come off now with a whole skin.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. v
%%
You are confident of things you know nothing about.
%%
You are confused!
%%
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
%%
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.
%%
You are cordially invited to dinner with the P.M... $200 a plate!
%%
You are dazed by the ease with which obliteration can be obtained.
%%
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
%%
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
%%
You are domestic and will be happily married.
%%
You are elevating futility to a high art.   There is nothing you can do
 to prevent the catharsis of spurious morality.
 -- Valeyard, The Ultimate Foe
%%
You are excess baggage in the airport of life.
 -- Judy Tenuta
%%
You are fairminded, just and loving.
%%
You are fairminded, just and loving.  (And I'm a lousy liar.)
%%
You are faithful to duty, adaptable to environment, loyal to friends.
%%
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
%%
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
Oops sorry, wrong fortune.
%%
You are fast approaching your level of incompetence.
%%
You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.
%%
You are fixed in your opinions and will not be easily moved from your purpose.
%%
You are free and that is why you are lost.
 -- Franz Kafka
%%
You are full of Bravo Sierra!
%%
You are fully functional aren't you?
"Of course, but -"
How fully?
"In every way, of course. I am programmed in multiple techniques. A broad
  variety of pleasuring."
Ohh...you jewel, that's exactly what I hoped.
 -- Yar and Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
You are generous and always think of the other fellow.
%%
You are getting more and more confused.
%%
You are getting older if you remember going to the movie not because of the
 movie, but because in the summer the theater was air cooled, and it was the
 only place like this in the whole town.
%%
You are getting old if you can remember when Ethyl gas cost more because
 lead was added to the gas. Now, leaded gas costs less than regular gas. It
 is enough to make you fume!
%%
You are getting old if you can remember when you could tell what was in the
 breakfast cereal by the taste of it!
%%
You are getting sleepy... you are getting very sleepy...
%%
You are going to be alright.  Maybe not.
%%
You are going to have a new love affair.
%%
You are going to have a new love affair. Be careful or your spouse will find
out.
%%
You are going to have a new love affair (with a rock).
%%
You are heading for a land of sunshine.
%%
You are heading for a land of sunshine. Hope you're not a snowman.
%%
You are heading for head-stone for sure.
%%
                                                       ..       :
                    .                  .               .   .  .
      .           .                .               .. .  .  *
             *          .                    ..        .
                           .             .     . :  .   .    .  .
            .                         .   .  .  .   .
                                         . .  *:. . .
.                                 .  .   . .. .         .
                         .     . .  . ...    .    .
       .              .  .  . .    . .  . .
                        .    .     . ...   ..   .       .               .
                 .  .    . *.   . .
    .                   :.  .           .
                 .   .    .    .
             .  .  .    ./|\
            .  .. :.    . |             .               .
     .   ... .            |
 .    :.  . .   *.        |     .               .
   .  *.             You are here.
 . .    .               .             *.                         .
%%
You are immersed in raw Chaos....
A mysterious force protects you from the Chaos!
Wow.... You feel a bit smug.
%%
You are immersed in raw Chaos....
Uh oh....
Nothing mysterious happens this time....
Congratulations! You've achieved maximal entropy!
%%
You are in a little maze of twisting passages, all different.
%%
You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
%%
"You are in a maze of twisty e-mail messages that all look alike."
 -- ...understanding Email...
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little BBS menus, all alike...
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little directories, all alike
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little install diskettes, all alike.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all different.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little programs, all alike.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little subroutines, all alike
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little taglines, all alike.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little UNIX versions, all different.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little UUCP connections, all alike.
%%
You are in an alcove that looks onto the Second Sacred Pool. There
is is a room on the other side of the pool. There is a crack that
you you might be able to fit through on the west side of the the alcove.
%%
You are in an angled passage way with light at the top.
%%
You are in a narrow twisty passage with many visible paths away.
%%
You are in an expansive room with a large pair of thrones
sitting sitting at one end on a platform. There is a smell of candles
in in the room.
%%
You are in an extremely small classroom with tiny desks and chairs.
At At the front of the room is a green blackboard with the homework for
the the day written on it. They must be very conscious of proper grammar.
It It says, "Order is very important when spelling".
Spelling Spelling homework: beleg
ulmo ulmo
gelbo gelbo
%%
You are in an obsidian alcove.
%%
You are in a passage with faint pleasant noises.
%%
You are in a room containing what appears to be the ruins of an
ancient ancient temple. On one wall is some writing. It appears to be
part part of the Greek alphabet.
%%
You are in a room with a hugh oak table with curious carvings around
the the edges. On the wall to the west is a tapestry depicting a great
battle battle where the elves were able to defeat the Necromancer, but their
greatest greatest weapon was broken into four pieces. On the south wall an old
piece piece of parchment is posted.
%%
You are in a room with many elves sitting on benches. At the south
end end of the room a very old elf is speaking. He tells of a great ring
used used long ago, which had great power, but was broken and lost. The
ring ring was made in a secret place near a waterfall but when the enemy
learned learned of its creation place, he caused the water to dry up and a
great great wind to prevent anyone from approaching.
%%
You are in a room with mirrors on all the walls.
%%
You are in a room with pictures of many geometric shapes painted on
the the walls. The only way out is the way you came in.
%%
You are in a secret N/S canyon above a sizable passage.
%%
You are in a shiny clean room.
%%
You are in a small room that overlooks the Second Sacred Pool.
A A piece of a small broken signs says: "Pleasure - this way".
Paths Paths lead to the north, south, and west.
%%
You are in a small room that seems to be a home for a labor of moles.
There There has been some digging here recently.
%%
You are in a small room with marble walls, floors, and ceiling
Your Your foot steps echo.
%%
You are in a splendid chamber thirty feet high. There are frozen
rivers rivers of orange stone. At your feet is a small pit breathing traces
of of white mist.
%%
You are in a train, in Germany.  The train is sinking.
 -- "Europa", Lars Von Trier
%%
You are in a twisting maze of little passages, all different.
%%
You are in a twisty little passage of standards, all
conflicting
%%
You are in a very creepy room. A sign on the wall says:
"MAGIC "MAGIC is the word".
%%
You are in a very damp room. There is no water here, but the air
smells smells of it. There are exits in most directions.
%%
You are in a very strange room. Even though your lamp is on, it is
as as if you had no light at all. I cannot tell which direction is
which which and I am not sure if there are walls or exits. It is as if
all all the light is sucked out of the room.
%%
You are in a very, *very* strange room. The whole atmosphere seems to
be be crawling with a powerful force. At the north end of the room a
fiercely fiercely bright light can be seen.
%%
You are in a wizard's chamber. The walls are covered with shelves
with with containers of different substances. The wizard says that his
staff staff will aid you in your adventures, but that mere mortals should
be be very careful because sorcery is a dangerous thing. He disappears
in in a puff of silver smoke.
%%
You are indeed getting along in years if you can remember the auto bumper
 that was difficult to lift. Now, a child can fold one and put it away!
%%
YOU ARE IN ERRER!
%%
You are in error.  2 + 2 = 5.15785423.
Please recalibrate your equipment accordingly.
%%
You are in front of an old miner's shack at the end of a path.
%%
You are innocent.
%%
You are in open forest near both a valley and a road.
%%
You are in open forest, with a deep valley to one side.
%%
You are interested in higher education whether material or spiritual.
%%
You are in the center of an incredibly wide room.
%%
You are in the east room off of pool number 4. You can exit to the
south. south.
%%
You are in the elven king's treasury.
%%
You are in the first of the Seven Sacred Pools. The water is quite
pleasing. pleasing. There is no way back you must paddle downstream.
%%
You are in the Fourth Pool of the Seven Sacred Pools. There are paths
leaving leaving the pool to the east and south. The stream continues to
the the west.
%%
You are in the kitchen. Great pots and bowls are scattered over the
tables. tables. A few elves over in the corner are attempting to clean up.
%%
You are in the Menden Hall of Pleasure. The room has a warm glow.
%%
You are in the second of the 7 Sacred Pools. There are paths to
both both the east and the west. It looks like there are more pools
downstream. downstream.
%%
You are in the Seventh Pool of the Seven Sacred Pools. There is
a a tattered sign that reads "This is the last Pool, you are Safe Now".
%%
You are in the Sixth Pool of the 7 Sacred Pools. The pool is fed
from from the north, but there is no way to go upstream. Paths lead to
this this pool from the west and northwest. There appears to be another
pool pool downstream.
%%
You are in the south room off of the Fourth Sacred Pool.
%%
You are in the south side chamber.
%%
You are in the spacious palace of the Elven King. Beautiful old tapestries
line the walls and carved pillars support the lofty roof.
Enchanting music seems to flow from out of nowhere.
Many passages lead off off to unknown places.
%%
You are in the Third Pool.
%%
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
 -- In a Japanese hotel
%%
You are IT! Really now... I'm not kidding here...
%%
You are just the kind of bad food some monsters like to digest.
%%
You are late.
"Sorry, I had to make myself beautiful."
I fail to understand why.
 -- Worf and K'Ehleyr, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
You are like a porcupine. When the animal has its spines erect, it cannot
eat. If you do not eat, you will starve. And your prickles will die with
the rest of your body.
 -- John Fowles, The Magus
%%
 You are listening to 91.5 FM, KXQK.  This is the Canadian
 Broadcorping Castration.  I am your host, Fred, and I will be
 with you for the next 20 seconds.  After that we'll play your
 requests.  Leave yours with us, and we'll try to fit it in,
 given programming constraints.  Thank you for listening to our
 show.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
You are living proof that your mother was Pro-Life.
%%
You are logical and hate disorder.
%%
You are lucky this is not a Klingon ship. We know how to deal with spies.
 -- Worf to Setal/Jarok, "The Defector", stardate 43462.5
%%
You are lustworthy.
%%
You are made a Guardian of the Order of Paladins!
You are given a Holy Hand Grenade (of Antioch).
You hear a nasal monotone in the distance....
'...and the number of thy counting shall be 3...'
%%
You are magnetic in your bearing.
%%
You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
%%
You are men without courage.  You have lost your right to survive.
 -- Davros, GENESIS OF THE DALEKS
%%
You are my true and honourable wife,
As dear to me as are the ruddy drops
That visit my sad heart.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
You are never alone with a clone.
%%
You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party.
%%
You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make
it come true.  You may have to work for it, however.
 -- Richard Bach, Illusions [1977]
%%
You are never selfish with your advice or your help.
%%
You are next in line for promotion in your firm.
%%
You are not a fool just because you have done something foolish --
only if the folly of it escapes you.
%%
You are not a hard driving person if you suddenly stop looking for work
 after you have found a job.
%%
You are not angry with people when you laugh at them.  Humor teaches
them tolerance.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
"You are not a realist unless you believe in miracles."
 -- Anwar el-Sadat
%%
You are not being harassed, if you have to look to find it.
%%
You are not drunk if you lie under the table. When you
 no longer order from there, then you are drunk.
%%
You are not entitled to an opinion. An opinion is what you have when you don't
have any facts. When you have the facts, you don't need an opinion.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
:You are not expected to understand this: [UNIX] cav. The canonical
   comment describing something {magic} or too complicated to
   bother explaining properly.  From an infamous comment in the
   context-switching code of the V6 UNIX kernel.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
You are not fat--you are just four feet shorter than you should be.
%%
You are not going to 'go forth.'  You are going to take that damn hat off
and you're going to get a job.
 -- Bill Cosby, Entertainer at a commencement Speech
 -- at Southern Methodist University, May 20th, 1995
%%
You are not here merely to make a living.  You are here in order to
enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer
spirit of hope and achievement.  You are here to enrich the world,
and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.
 -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
You are not like Cerberus, three gentlemen at once, are you?
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
You are not Morg.  You are not Eymorg.
 -- Kara the Eymorg, "Spock's Brain," stardate 5432.3
%%
You are not my father
 -- Luke Skywalker
%%
You are not paranoid if they're really after you...
%%
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing
forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.  You are
avenged fourteen hundred and forty times a day.
 -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
You are not reading this sentence.
%%
You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light.
 -- Vicomte de Chateaubriand
%%
You are not thinking.  You are merely being logical.
 -- Neils Bohr to Albert Einstein
%%
You are not understanding this sentence.
%%
You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
You are not your opinion of yourself.
 -- John Lilly
%%
You are now entering the twighlight zone of the homosexual!
%%
You aren't a friend if you installed win95 on their machine.
%%
You aren't here forever, Enjoy each day as a miracle.
%%
You are nuts.
%%
"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
"All your papers these days look the same;
Those William's would be better unread --
Do these facts never fill you with shame?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I wrote wonderful papers galore;
But the great reputation I found that I'd won,
Made it pointless to think any more."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
"You are old, father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head --
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
You are old if you remember Joe Namath in pantyhose.
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers
That your lectures bore people to death.
Yet you talk at one hundred conventions per year --
Don't you think that you should save your breath?"

"I have answered three questions and that is enough,"
Said his father, "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!"
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak --
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
You are old, said the youth, and your programs don't run,
     And there isn't one language you like;
Yet of useful suggestions for help you have none --
   Have you thought about taking a hike?

Since I never write programs, his father replied,
 Every language looks equally bad;
Yet the people keep paying to read all my books
       And don't realize that they've been had.
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door --
Pray what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box --
Allow me to sell you a couple?"
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And make errors few people could bear;
You complain about everyone's English but yours --
Do you really think this is quite fair?"

"I make lots of mistakes," Father William declared,
"But my stature these days is so great
That no critic can hurt me -- I've got them all scared,
And to stop me it's now far too late."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose --
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father.  "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
You are on an unused path.
%%
You are on a path through an open forest. There is a shack
in in the distance.
%%
You are on a well traveled path.
%%
You are one of those that will not serve God, if the devil bid you.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
You are only as good as everyone else thinks !
%%
You are only as strong as your weakest delusion
%%
You are only as wise as other's perceive you to be.
 -- M. Shawn Cole
%%
You are only coming through in waves,
your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying....
I I I I I I have become Comfortably Numb.
 -- Pink Floyd
%%
You are only what you are when no one is looking.
 -- Robert C. Edwards
%%
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
%%
You are on the brink of destruction, Doctor.
Gods of Ragnarok, Greatest Show in the Galaxy
It's almost too horrible to think about.
 -- Doctor, Ark in Space
%%
You are on the north side of a 50 foot wide crevasse.
%%
You are on the west side of the falls. The drops of water reflect
back back the light in a beautiful rainbow of color.
%%
You are open and honest in your philosophy of love.
%%
You are optimistic and intelligent.
%%
You are paralyzed by the fact that cruelty is often amusing.
%%
You are reaching maturity when the morning after is too high a price to pay
 for the night before.
%%
    You are right on target when you say that mad scientists
have a total disregard for the wellbeing of others.  We don't
want to spread evil; we just see no point in bothering to
spread good.
 -- Richard M. Mathews
%%
You are rotten to the core, Snidely Whiplash, rotten, rot
%%
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
%%
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
Therefore you have few friends.
%%
You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery.
%%
You are seeking a knot in a bulrush.
 -- Plautus (254-184 BC)
 -- Menaechmi, Act ii, Sc. 1, 22, (247.)
%%
You are sensitive to the atmosphere around you.
%%
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.
%%
You are smart.  Can you make us go?
%%
You are so aggravating you could give an aspirin a headache.
%%
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
%%
You are speaking before a man to whom all Naples is known.
 -- Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673)
 -- L'Avare, Act v, Sc. 5
%%
You are standing in front of the Sixth Sacred Pool of the
Seven Seven Sacred Pools.
%%
You are still half-savage -- but there is hope.
 -- The Metron, "Arena," stardate 3046.2
%%
You are strong enough to admit that you need help.
%%
You are such a good salesman, you could sell a double bed to the Pope.
%%
You are sunlight and I, moon. Joined by the gods of fortune Midnight and high
noon  Sharing the sky We have been blessed, you and I
 -- Miss Saigon
%%
You are taking advantage of the good nature of a friend.  Be careful.
%%
You are taking the wrong sow by the ear.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iii, Chap. iv
%%
You are the Amoeba. You have the power to Flow.
%%
You are the center of every group's attention.
%%
You are the Chosen One, just like you always suspected.
%%
You are the Filch. You have the power to Steal.
%%
"You are the greatest lover I have ever had."
"Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone."
 -- Woody Allen, "Love and Death"
%%
You are the IRS--you have the power to terrorize!
%%
You are the Laser. You have the power to Blind.
%%
You are the lens in the beam.  You can only receive, give, and possess
the light as the lens does.
If you seek yourself, you rob the lens of its transparency.  You will
know life and be acknowledged by it according to your degree of transparency,
your capacity, that is, to vanish as an end, and remain purely as
a means.
 -- Dag Hammarskjold
%%
You are the only authority on what is best for you.
 -- Hugh Prather
%%
 You are the only person in this building
 who knows what he's doing...
 -- Toilet graffiti in government building
%%
You are the only person to ever get this message.
%%
You are the Senate. You have the power to filibuster.
%%
You are the servant of words
 uttererd, the master of those suppressed.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
You are the Skeptic. You have the power to Doubt.
%%
You are the Virus. You have the power to Multiply.
%%
You Are This BBS's Most Appreciated Caller.
%%
You are to be congratulated, my friend. We live in an age where illness
  and deformity are commonplace, and yet Ploppy, you are without a
  doubt the most...repulsive individual I've ever met. I would shake
  your hand, but I fear it would come off.
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty.
%%
You are truly a rhinestone in the rough.
%%
You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
%%
You are unable to differentiate between facade and substance.
%%
You are unable to visualize yourself in a future.
%%
You are under arrest for tagline theft!
%%
You are under the mistaken impression that all people are
created interesting.
%%
You are uneasy; you never sailed with me before, I see.
 -- Andrew Jackson (1767-1845)
 -- Life of Jackson (Parton), Vol. iii, p. 493
%%
You are unscrupulously dishonest, false, and deceitful.
%%
You are versatile, energetic, artistic and good-natured.
%%
You are warm and giving toward others.  What are you after?
%%
You are wasting your time.
%%
You are wasting your youth, your time, and your money because you
won't acknowledge your shortcomings.
%%
You are welcome.
%%
You are what you are and little can be gained by making a fool of yourself
 trying to be someone else, someone you are not. Be true to yourself.
%%
You are what you want to be.
 -- Brad Morrison
%%
You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
 this sort of trash.
%%
You are without a doubt a rogue, a rascal, a villain, a thief,
 a scoundrel, and a mean, dirty, stinking, sniveling, sneaking,
 pimping, pocketpicking, thrice double-damned, no-good son-of-a-bitch.
%%
You are witty and fond of fun.
%%
You are WRONG, you ol' brass-breasted fascist poop!
 -- Bloom County
%%
You are your thought. Don't think, just be.
%%
You ask what a nice girl will do?
She won't give an inch, but she won't say no.
%%
You asleep?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
You attack a little dwarf, but he dodges out of the way.
%%
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
%%
You auto buy now.
%%
You barbarians!  I'll sue the council for every penny it's got!  I'll have you
hung, drawn and quartered!  And whipped!  And boiled... until...  until...
until you've had enough.  And then I'll do it again!  And when I've finished I
will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them!  And I will carry on
jumping on them, until I get blisters, or I can think of anything even more
unpleasant to do, and then...
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
You bastards know each other.
 -- Meg Ryan in French Kiss 
%%
You beat your pate, and fancy wit will come;
Knock as you please, there 's nobody at home.
 -- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
 -- Epigram
%%
You become like that which you worship.
%%
You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.
 -- The Little Prince, chapter XXI
%%
You been bungy jumping with a cord that was a bit long?
%%
You believe God created you in one day? Yeah, looks like a rush job...
%%
You believe that there is one God.  Good!  Even the demons believe
that - and shudder.
 -- James 3:19 (The Bible, New International Version)
%%
You better believe that marijuana can cause castration.  Just suppose
your girlfriend gets the munchies!
%%
You better learn it fast, you better learn it young, because 'someday'
 never comes.
 -- John Fogerty
%%
You better take advantage of the good cigars. You don't get much else in
 that job.
 -- Thomas P. "Tip" O'neill
 (to Vice President Walter Mondale)
%%
You Bet Your ASCII.
%%
You bought a VCR because wrestling is on the same time as BINGO?
%%
"You boys lookin' for trouble?"
"Sure.Whaddya got?"
 -- Marlon Brando, "The Wild Ones"
%%
You bring someone home, say 'Hi, Mom, this is so-and-so,' she immediately
knows everything except which side of the bed he sleeps on.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
You buttered your bread, now lie in it.
%%
You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard.  A justice of the peace
or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill.  In the municipal courts,
he will cost you ten.  In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen.
The state appellate courts or the state supreme court is on a par with the
Federal courts.  By the time a judge reaches such courts, he is middle-aged,
thick around the middle, fat between the ears.He's heavy.  You can't buy a
Federal judge for less than a twenty-dollar bill.
 -- Jake "Greasy Thumb" Guzik
%%
You call me misbeliever, cut-throat dog,
And spit upon my Jewish gaberdine.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 3
%%
You call that a radar screen!      No sir, we call it.. MrCoffee.
%%
You call this fun?
 -- McCoy
%%
You came in THAT thing?  You're braver than I thought.
 -- Leia to Luke on the Death Star (Star Wars)
%%
You can always break glass with a sledgehammer.
%%
You can always find the sun within yourself if you will only search.
 -- Maxwell Maltz
%%
You can always find what you're not looking for.
 -- Maryann's Law
%%
You can always get a job in international affairs because 90% of everything
happens in a foreign country.
 -- Steve Connelly
%%
You can always get someone to love you -
 even if you have to do it yourself.
%%
You can always get the truth from an American statesman after he has turned
 seventy, or given up all hope of the presidency.
 -- Wendell Phillips
%%
You can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
You can always make room for one more. Except a new baby.
%%
You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.
 -- Tim Leary
%%
You can always tell a liberal but not much.
%%
You can always tell an old soldier from the inside of his holsters and
cartridge boxes.  The young ones carry pistols and cartridges: the old ones,
grub.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Arms and the Man"
%%
You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
%%
You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting
incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail.
Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable
to find a way to damage them.  They last forever, largely because
nobody ever eats them.  In fact, many smart people save the fruitcakes
they receive and send them back to the original givers the next year;
some fruitcakes have been passed back and forth for hundreds of years.

The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then
pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet.  Be sure to wear
safety glasses.
 -- Dave Barry, Simple, Homespun Gifts
%%
You can and you can't
 You shall and you shan't;
 You will and you won't
 You'll be damned if you do,
 And you'll be damned if you don't.
 -- Lorenzo Dow
%%
You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.
 -- Katharine Fullerton Gerould
%%
You can become more assertive in regard to job assignments and
co-workers.
%%
You can be happy or you can be miserable - the choice is yours.
%%
"You can believe me, because I never lie, and
I'm always right."
 -- George Tirebiter said
"I always lie, and I'm always right."
 -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs said
%%
You can be my < WingMan < at any time!
%%
You can be replaced by a machine that flushes.
%%
You can be replaced by this computer.
%%
You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it.
 -- Wendell Berry
%%
You can be sure you're getting old when you forget the name you wanted to drop.
%%
You can bet your life on the fact that a clock in the workplace, running
 slow, will be corrected before the end of the first day.
%%
You can blame an administration that has been in office for 12 years,
or you can blame me.
 -- Murphy Brown
%%
You can borrow a book and return it too.
%%
You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
 -- Hepler, Systems Design 182
%%
You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane.  And you
know what happens?  At the very moment they cross those mountains...
they go mad.  Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment
they cross the mountains into California, they go insane.
 -- Quentin Genter
%%
You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long.
 -- Boris Yeltsin
%%
You can cage a swallow, can't you, but you can't swallow a cage, can you?
%%
You can call him an outdoor boy if he has the bloom of youth on his
cheeks and the cheeks of youth in his bloomers.
%%
You can call me Hal, or you can call me Pal, or you...
%%
You can call me Will or Willie but not Bill.
%%
You can call Usenet a democracy if you want to.  You can call it a
 totalitarian dictatorship run by space aliens and the ghost of Elvis.
 It doesn't matter either way.
 -- Dave Mack
%%
You can catch the bird, but you cannot carry it.
%%
You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears
and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose free will.
 -- RUSH, Free Will
%%
You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories.
%%
You can count on getting some tonight, cassanova!
%%
You can create art and beauty on a computer.
 -- Steven Levy
%%
You can create your own opportunities this week.
 Blackmail a senior executive.
%%
You can depend on nothing, you see?
%%
You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.
 -- Janis Joplin
%%
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a
year of conversation.
 -- Plato
%%
You can discover what your enemy fears most
by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
 -- Eric Hoffer, in "The Faber Book of Aphorisms", 1964
%%
You can do *anything* once!
 -- Paul Mavrides
%%
You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them.
 -- Camillo di Cavour (1810-1861)
%%
... you can do anything you want, but not everything you want.
%%
You can dodge and duck for only so long, Hillary Clinton.
%%
You can do the same thing a number of different ways.
%%
You can do this in a number of ways.   IBM chose to do all of them.
Why do you find that funny?
 -- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350
%%
You can do your work 3 ways: you can use a Mac, a PC, or a computer.
%%
You can drop a mouse down a thousand-yard mine shaft and, on arriving
at the bottom, it gets a slight shock and walks away.  A rat would
probably be killed, though it can fall safely from the eleventh story
of a building, a man is broken, a horse splashes.
 -- J. B. S. Haldane, _On Being the Right Size_
%%
You can eat a cucumber when YOU feel like it.
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
You can eat the whole cucumber, skin 'n' all.
 -- Cucumbers are Better
%%
You can enjoy a beer any time of the month.
%%
You can expose yourself on the subway and it doesn't cost you a dime.
 Unless you spit. Then it's a twenty-five-dollar fine. So if you're gonna
 spit, you might as well whip it out and have a little fun for the money ...
 I was sitting on the subway. I was sitting on a newspaper and a man came
 over, he said, "Are you reading that paper?" I said, "Yes," stood up,
 turned the page, and sat down again.
 -- David Brenner
%%
You can find an outlet four your creative genius
and accomplish a great deal.
%%
You can find sympathy between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
%%
You can fly, but that cocoon has to go
%%
You can fool all of the people all of the time, but why bother when
all you need is a simple majority?
%%
You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising budget is
 big enough and the conditions are right.
 -- Joseph E. Levine
%%
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mum.
 -- Captain Penny's Law
%%
You can fool all of the people some of the time;
you can fool some of the people all of the time;
and that should be sufficient for most purposes.
%%
You can fool all the people some of the time,
and some of the people all the time,
but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
 -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people
some of the time, and that is sufficient.
 -- Murphy's Thirteenth Law
%%
You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time,
but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
%%
YOU CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME..etc.etc. - BUT NOT US!
%%
You can fool some of the people and really piss them off.
%%
You can fool the people about many things, but only a fool would
be foolish enough to fool the people about money.
 -- Italo Bombolini
%%
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
 -- James Thurber (1894-1961), "The Thurber Carnival", 1945
%%
You can get a decent reading on who is running things if, on your way to
 the front door of the house, you notice that the garage door is some
 strange color and there are curtains.
%%
You can get a genuine Amulet of Yendor by doing the following:
 -- more --
%%
You can get a nice tan early in a Nuclear winter.
%%
You can get anything you want, at Alice's restaurant ('ceptin' Alice).
%%
You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you drive fast enough.
%%
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word
alone.
 -- Al Capone (1899-1947)
%%
You can get more with a kind word and a lawyer than you can from just a kind
word.
%%
You can get used to living at a nudist camp.
The first three days are the hardest.
 -- R. Dreiser
%%
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a
 smile and a gun.
 -- Al Capone
%%
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
%%
You *can* go home again.  Just type "cd ~".
%%
You can go home now, I can finish this without you.
%%
You can go wrong by being skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
You can hardly do anything that won't seem stupid later.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
You can have a beer in public.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
You can have a beer in public.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
You can have a beer the whole month.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
You can have a dog as a friend. You can have whiskey as a friend. But if
you have a woman as a friend, you're going to wind up drunk and kissing
your dog."
 -- foolin' around
%%
You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must
 want it with an inner exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the
 energy that created the world.
 -- Sheila Graham
%%
You can have a winner [in a nuclear war].
 -- George Bush, 1980.
In 1984, he said, ``I never said that.''
 -- The original interview had been taped
%%
You can have it right, or you can have it now.
But you can't have it right now.
 -- Woodard's Law
%%
You can have more than one beer a nite.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
You can have more then one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
%%
You can have my sword when you pry it from my dead hands!
%%
You can have my two cents worth for free!!
%%
You can have my Unix system when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
 -- Cal Keegan
%%
You can have peace.  Or you can have freedom.
Don't ever count on having both at once.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom.
 -- Lazarus Long
%%
You can have your cake and eat it too, if you only eat half.
%%
(You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake)
%%
YOU can help wipe out COBOL in our lifetime
%%
You can identify yourself as a true Football addict if you know that the
 United States has a Secretary of Defense, and wonder why we have no
 Secretary of Offense.
%%
You can judge a leader by the size of the problems he tackles- people
nearly always pick a problem their own size, and ignore or leave
to others the bigger or smaller ones.
 -- Anthony Jay
%%
You can judge the success of a man by his bodyguards.
%%
You can lead a horse to drink, but you can't make it water!
%%
You can lead a horse to water, but before you push him in, just stop and
 think how a wet horse smells.
 -- George Gobel
%%
 You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
 on his back, you've got something.
 -- Hartley's First Law
%%
You can lead a man to ponder; you cannot make him think.
%%
You can lead a man to slaughter, but you can't make him think.
%%
You can lead a user to Docs but you can't make 'em read
%%
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.
 -- Dorothy Parker
%%
You can lead a whore to Vasser, but you can't make her think.
 -- Frederick B. Artz
%%
You can lead a yak to water but you can't teach an old
dog to make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke.
 -- Opus
%%
You can lead practically any animal to water, but if you can get that
 critter to blow bubbles through a straw, then by golly, you've done
 something.
%%
You can learn a lot about a world by looking at its underside.
 -- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
You can learn a lot about people by their luggage.
%%
You can learn a lot about people by their wallet.
 -- Daniel Will-Harris
%%
You can learn a lot from people who view the world differently than you do.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
You can learn many things from children.
 How much patience you have, for instance.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
You can make anything work if you have time and money.
%%
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
 -- Naeser's Law
%%
You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
%%
You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely
interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get
other people interested in you.
 -- Dale Carnegie
%%
You can make the passages look less alike by dropping things.
%%
You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on
the continuing viability of FORTRAN.
 -- Alan J. Perlis
%%
You can move the world with an idea, but you have to think of it first.
%%
You can multi-task on C-64s. Keep a multitude of them!
%%
You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred.
%%
You can neither win nor lose if you don't run the race.
%%
You can never beat anything that fights laying on its back.
%%
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
 -- The Heineken Uncertainty Principle
%%
You can never be too paranoid.
 -- C. E. Crimmins
%%
You can never do merely one thing.
 -- Garrett Hardin
%%
You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.
%%
You can never get the smell of smoke out.
Like the smell of failure in life.
 -- John Updike, Rabbit Redux
%%
You can never have enough taglines.
%%
You can never plan the future by the past.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France,
 -- Letter to a Member of the National Assembly, Vol. iv, p. 55
%%
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
 -- Kramer's Law
%%
You can never trust a man; he may be true to you.
%%
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
%%
You can no longer save your family, your tribe or nation.
You can only save the whole world.
 -- Margaret Mead
%%
You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
 -- Jeannette Rankin (1880-1973)
%%
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
%%
You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create
experience. You must undergo it.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
You cannot antagonize and persuade at the same time.
%%
    You can not apply mathematics as long as words still
becloud reality.
 -- Hermann Weyl
%%
You cannot be absolutely dumb when you live with a person unless you are
an inhabitant of the north of England or the state of Maine.
 -- Ford Madox Ford
%%
You cannot believe in honor unless you have achieved it. Better keep yourself
clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot build a reputation on what you are going to do.
 -- Henry Ford
%%
You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative
and independence.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot choose your battlefield, the gods do that for you.
But you can plant a standard where a standard never flew.
 -- Nathalia Crane
%%
You cannot conquer a free man, the most you can do is kill him.
%%
You cannot count friends that are all packed up in barrels.
 -- Bilbo's First Law
%%
 You cannot cross a river in two leaps.
 -- Gautama Principle
%%
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
 -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
%%
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
 -- The Law of the Perversity of Nature
%%
You cannot discover working programs. You can only discover them broken.
%%
You cannot dream yourself into a character;
you must forge one for yourself.
 -- James Froude.
%%
You cannot dry dishes with a wet towel
%%
You cannot eat your cake and have your cake;
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xliii
%%
You Cannot Escape. Resistance Is Futile.
%%
You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot establish sound social security on borrowed money.
%%
You cannot fathom the consciousness of a leaf.
%%
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by encouraging class hatred.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot give away kindness, it always comes back to you.
%%
You cannot have a science without measurement.
 -- R. W. Hamming
%%
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could
and should do for themselves.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot help small men up by tearing down big men.
%%
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot keep a fully grown chimpanzee in the house. If he decides to
 throw himself at you out of affection he can easily knock you down the
 stairs. They also become unpredictable and lose their tempers for no
 apparent reason, and are capable of causing considerable damage around the
 house.
 -- Terry Murphy
%%
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot learn to swim until you get into the water and drown.
 -- Brother Theodore
%%
You cannot lie to me.  I know everything.
%%
You cannot mandate productivity, you must provide the tools to let
people become their best.
 -- Steve Jobs
%%
You cannot pluck roses without fear of thorns, nor can you enjoy a fair
 wife without danger of horns.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
%%
You cannot push anyone up the ladder unless he is willing to climb himself.
 -- Andrew Carnegie
%%
You cannot put the same shoe on every foot.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 596
%%
You cannot really know anything.
 -- William Payne (wpayne@digi.UUCP)

How do you know?
 -- Dan'l DanehyOakes (djo@PacBell.COM)
%%
You cannot reshape human nature without mutilating human beings.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
You cannot run away from a weakness.  You must sometimes fight it out
or perish; and if it be so, why not now, and where you stand?
 -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
You cannot see farther than others by standing on the feet of giants.
%%
You cannot see the wood for the trees.
 -- John Heywood
%%
You cannot shoot an animal twice--but you can photograph it twice.
 -- John Maude
%%
You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.
 -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
    You cannot slander human nature; it is worse than words
can paint it.
 -- Charles Haddon Spurgeon
%%
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
You cannot succeed by criticizing others.
%%
You cannot teach a crab to walk straight.
 -- Aristophanes
%%
You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him
to find it within himself.
 -- Galileo
%%
You cannot teach an old dog new tricks.
%%
You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.
 -- M. Scott Peck
%%
You cannot trust scrolls of rumour.
%%
You cannot use your friends and have them too.
%%
You can now buy more gates
with less specifications than at any other time in history.
 -- Kenneth Parker
%%
You can observe a lot by just watching.
 -- Berra's Law
%%
You can observe a lot just by watchin'.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
You can only be truly free if everyone else is truly free.
%%
You can only cut a rattlesnake SO much slack!
%%
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
%%
You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception.
 -- Victor Cousin
%%
You can only spend it once.
 -- The Basic Law of Budgets
%%
You can open a cucumber using only your teeth.
 -- Cucumbers are Better
%%
You can outdistance that which is running after you,
but not what is running inside you.
 -- Rwandan proverb
%%
You can overwhelm or underwhelm somebody, but what does it mean
to just whelm somebody...  and, how can you be chalant?  Can you be
chalant while your whelming somebody?
%%
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't
pick your friend's nose.
%%
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't
pick your friend's nose unless you have really *chunky* friends.
%%
You can pick your friends, but not your relatives.
%%
You can pick your friends, but you can't roll them into green balls.
%%
You can play with my mind if you let me play with yours..
%%
You can plug in Virtually anywhere.
%%
You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.
%%
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
 -- Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
%%
You can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick.
%%
You can put all your old Beers in one room, and they won't fight.
%%
You can read it!        No, I'm just clearing my throat.
%%
You can realize your wildest dreams if you only learn to lie to yourself.
%%
You can relax now. He's not coming.
%%
You can rent this profound space for only $5 a week.
%%
You can resole your boot, but you can't reboot your soul.
 -- anonymous
%%
 You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 2
%%
 You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
 You will.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 18
%%
You can rock it, you can roll it,
 you can slop it, you can stroll it at The Hop
 -- Danny and the Juniors
%%
You can say what you please in America, but nobody listens.
%%
You can say what you want about the inconvenience of children and the other
 things, but when it comes right down to it, it is a sorry home that has no
 child to operate the VCR properly and teach the adults how to do it every
 other week.
%%
You can say you're (excrement) out of luck!
%%
You can see farther into a millstone than he.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iii, Chap xxviii
%%
You can send someone to college, but you can't make him think.
%%
You can sentence her to watching old movies???
%%
You can separate the wheat from the shaft.
%%
You can share your beer with your friends.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
 You can share your Bicycle with your friends.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a man number 5
%%
You can shoot a Beer.
%%
You can shoot... the animals... in the forest...
 but you cannot... shoot the *forest*.
 -- Nature and the Swamp Thing
%%
You can stand me up at the gates of Hell, but I won't back down.--T.Petty
%%
You Can Still Bury Grandpa Out Back
 -- Headline
%%
You can stop reading now.
%%
You can stop reading now, I've finished my message.
%%
You can't act like a skunk without someone's getting wind of it.
 -- Lorene Workman
%%
You can take all the impact that science considerations have on funding
decisions at NASA, put them in the navel of a flea, and have room left
over for a caraway seed and Tony Calio's heart.
 -- F. Allen
%%
You can take it or leave it if someone just clues you in as to what "it" is.
%%
You can take your fusion reaction and go to helium for all I care.
%%
You can't always get what you want.
%%
You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get
 what you need.
 -- The Rolling Stones
%%
You can't antagonize and influence at the same time.
%%
You can't argue with someone who *knows* you're wrong.
%%
You can't argue with the vice president, can you?
 -- William Figueroa, the 12-year-old told by Dan
     Quayle that potato is spelled 'potatoe'
%%
You can't avoid a little ugliness...
%%
You can't be a figment of my imagination--I'd have done a better job.
%%
You can't be a legend in your parent's basement.
 -- Joe Walsh
%%
You can't be a Real Country unless you have a beer and an airline-it
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,
but at the very least you need a beer.
 -- Frank Zappa (1940-94), U.S. rock musician
%%
You can't be Batman to all the Robins of the world.
%%
You can't be first, but you can be next.
%%
You can't be happy if you do things different when you do them than when
 you discuss them.
%%
You can't be happy with a woman who pronounces both d's in Wednesday.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
You can't be late until you show up.
%%
You can't belay a man who's falling in love.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
You can't be optimistic with a misty optic.
 -- Peter Campbell
%%
You can't be serious!
%%
You can't be serious.  You are serious!
%%
You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.
 -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
You can't call PTL NOW, - I'm downloading!
%%
You can't carry the ermine in your bare hands!
%%
You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
%%
You can't catch social diseases from a Beer.
%%
You can't change history - not one line.
 -- The First Law of Time.
 -- Doctor Who
%%
You can't change the laws of physics, Captain; I've got to have thirty minutes.
%%
You can't cheat an honest man. He has to have larceny in his heart in
the first place.
%%
You can't cheat an honest man,
never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.
 -- W. C. Fields
%%
You can't cheat the phone company.
%%
You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.
%%
You can't come back from somewhere you haven't been.
 -- William Perky
%%
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes.
 -- Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)
%%
You can't crush ideas by suppressing them.
You can only crush them by ignoring them.
 -- Ursula K. LeGuin
%%
You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.
 -- Richard Milhouse Nixon (1952)
%%
You can't do the crime if you are dead from capital punishment.
%%
You can't do this to me! I'm rich! I'm important! I'm a republican!
%%
You can't dream too much; you can't do enough to make your dreams come true.
%%
You can't drink negative beer. Well, I guess you could throw up.
 -- Forbes Math Elective 102
%%
You can't eat your friends and have them too.
%%
You can tell a doctor as far as you can see him, but you can't tell him much.
%%
You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating
 jellybeans.
 -- Ronald Reagan (really...I'm not kidding)
%%
You Can Tell An Owner By Its Cat.
%%
You Can Tell An Owner By Its Dog.
%%
You can tell a real programmer by the keyboard dents in his forehead
%%
You can tell fantasy from reality -- if it sucks it's real!
%%
You can tell how bad a musical is by how many times the
chorus yells, "Hooray!"
 -- Crosby's Law
%%
You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
 -- Steven Feiner
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
the bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
you call your answering service, and they tell you it's none of your business.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
you put both contact lenses in the same eye.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
you put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
Your pet rock snaps at you.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
you wake up and your braces have locked together.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
you wake up to discover your waterbed broke, 
then you remember that you don't have a waterbed.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
you wake up to the sound of DEA agents/FBI agents/Armenian Nationalists
breaking down your door.
%%
 -- You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when
you walk to work, and find your dress is stuck in the back of your panty hose.
%%
You can tell the difference between engineers, scientists, and
managers in today's high tech companies by the questions they ask.
        Engineering: "How will this work?"
            Science: "Why will this work?"
         Management: "When will this work?"
       Liberal Arts: "Do you want fries with that?"
 -- Jesse N. Schell
%%
You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.
 -- Norman Douglas (1868-1952)
%%
You can tell the men from the boys by the price of their toys.
%%
You can tell the quality of humanity is going down, just look at everybody
 else.
%%
You can tell the whole truth to all of the people every
 time, and most won't listen. Many will misunderstand, a few will comprehend
 what you are doing and ignore you, and one or two might even listen.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
You can tell what a man worships by what he does on Sunday.
 -- Hartman Rector, Jr.
%%
You can tell what a person is by what they do when they haven't anything to
 do.
%%
You can tell when a BBS has a Virus, by it's runny nodes.
%%
You can tell when you're on the right track- it's usually uphill.
%%
"You can tell you're pushing a new frontier when all
available tools are inappropriate."

 -- Rule 157
"There's glory in using inappropriate tools."

 -- Corollary to Rule 157
 -- David Berkstresser, Quotemeister
%%
You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.
 -- Peter Frampton
%%
You can't evaluate a man by logic alone.
 -- McCoy, "I, Mudd", stardate 4513.3
%%
You can't even cut the cheese.
%%
You can't expect a boy to be depraved
until he has been to a good school.
 -- Saki (1870-1916)
%%
"You can't expect a mother to be with a small child all the time" Margaret
Mead once remarked, with her usual good sense, but in 1978 she shocked
feminists by snapping that women don't really have children to put them
in day care twelve hours a day, either.
 -- Caroline Bird, "The Two Paycheck Marriage"
%%
You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels
in the machine.
 -- Flip Wilson
%%
You can't fall off the floor.
 -- Paul's Law
%%
You can't fall off the floor.
 -- Paul's Law
It takes children three years to learn Paul's Law.
 -- Chapman's Commentary on Paul's Law
%%
You can't fight City Hall. But you can burn it down.
%%
You can't fight City Hall, but you can punch out the mayor ...
%%
You can't fight the law of conservation of energy. You can bargain with it,
but you can't fight it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
You can't fill that.
%%
You can't fit this five-foot oyster through that little passage!
%%
You can't fix it if it ain't broke.
%%
You can't fool me--there ain't no sanity clause.
%%
You can't force anyone to love you or lend you money.
 -- Jewish Proverb
%%
You can't get anything without working for it.
 -- The First Law
The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
 -- The Second Law
You can only break even at absolute zero.
 -- The Third Law
 -- The three laws of thermodynamics
%%
You can't get out more than you put in.
%%
You can't get rid of a cursed plate mail with a can-opener.
%%
You can't get snot off of a suede jacket.
 Lenny Bruce
%%
You can't get there from here, you have to go somewhere else first.
%%
You can't get to Heaven on roller skates.
%%
You can't get to the other side of the crevasse.
%%
You can't get very far in this world without your dossier being there first.
 -- Arthur Miller
%%
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
%%
"You can't go in there!"
  "Yes I can.  This is America. I can go anywhere I want to."
 -- The two main characters in Rob Reiner's wonderful
   "The Sure Thing"
%%
You can't go on forever living in the shadow of world
destruction--people get bored.
%%
You can't go through a locked steel grate!
%%
You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.
%%
You can't grep dead trees.
%%
You can't guard against the arbitrary.
 -- Borkowski's Law
%%
You can't have a baby! where're you going to keep the fetus? in a box?
%%
You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
 -- Arlo Guthrie
%%
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
 -- Steven Wright
%%
You can't have money like that and not swell out.
%%
You can't have too many buttons--only too little surface area.
%%
You can't have your Kate, and Edith, too.
%%
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
 -- George Burns
%%
You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
 -- Booker T. Washington
%%
You can't hurt me!!  I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
%%
You can't just walk into a store and buy a gun.  There's all sorts of
registration, there are all sorts of state laws.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle after criticizing Michael Dukakis
                   for the Massachusetts furlough program. Quayle was soon
                   informed that indeed in many states a person could just
                   walk into a store and buy a gun.
                    in the NY Times, 8/27/88)
%%
You can't kill a Borg with a combadge!
%%
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly--only sooner than she thought you would.
%%
You can't know too much, but you can say too much.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
You can't land an airplane on the ocean!  $%#@&*NO CARRIER
%%
You can't learn to become real.  It's like learning to become a midget.
 -- Woody Allen, "The Purple Rose of Cairo"
%%
You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is
 that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
You can't leave a shop through the back door: there ain't one!
%%
You can't legislate morality. We tried to outlaw comsumption of
alcoholic beverages. We found that violation of the law led to bigger
crimes and bred disrespect for the law.
 -- Jimmy Carter, 1976.
%%
You can't lick the system, but you can certainly give it a damn good
fondling...
%%
You can't live on amusement.  It is the froth on water -- an inch deep
and then the mud.
 -- George Macdonald (1824-1905)
%%
You can't make a program without broken egos.
%%
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
%%
You can't make one thin dime giving people what they need. You've
got to give 'em what they want.
 -- Angel Martin
%%
You can't make up anything anymore.  The world itself is a satire.
All you're doing is recording it.
 -- Art Buchwald
%%
You can't MobyTurbo with an internal Z!
%%
You can't modify a constant, float upstream, win an argument with the IRS,
or satisfy this compiler
 -- Apple's MPW C compiler Error Message.
%%
You can't out-macho a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
%%
You can't outrun them. You can't destroy them. If you damage them, the
  essence of what they are remains - they regenerate and keep coming.
  Eventually, you will weaken. Your reserves will be gone. They are
  relentless.
 -- Q to Picard about the Borg, "Q-Who?", stardate 42761.3
%%
You can't out-talk a man who knows what he's talking about.
 -- Hutchins' Law
%%
You can't play your friends like marks, kid.
 -- Henry Gondorf, "The Sting"
%%
You can't pray a lie.
%%
You can't push on a rope.
 -- Meadow's Maxim
%%
You can't put a price on a miracle.
%%
You can't put your VISA bill on your American Express card.
 -- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd.
%%
You can't run with the big dogs if you're peeing with the puppies.
%%
You can try to leave a message, but my spirit screens
its calls
%%
You can't say "delinquency" on the streets of Marcus Hook, Pa.
%%
You can't say MY mind's dirty: YOURS understood the joke!
%%
You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every
 war they kill you in a new way.
 -- Will Rogers
%%
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
 -- Indira Gandhi
%%
You can't shoot me ... I have a very low threshold of death. My
doctor does not permit bullets to enter my body at any time.
 -- Woody Allen, "Casino Royale"
%%
You can't shoot rabbits from a motorboat in Kansas.
%%
You can't sit on the lid of progress. If you do, you will be blown
to pieces.
 -- Henry Kaiser
%%
You can't soar with Dragons if you work with gargoyles.
%%
You can't spank the monkey if he's on your back.
%%
You can't start worrying about what's going to happen.  You get spastic
enough worrying about what's happening now.
 -- Lauren Bacall
%%
You can't stay away, you need me, I need you.
%%
You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to
come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.
 -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
%%
You can't steal second base while keeping one foot on first.
%%
You can't stop abortion without fighting contraception: it is the gateway
 to abortion.   Not one of the 81 countries I've worked in has `clean'
 contraception without abortion -- not one.  Once there's contraception --
 separating sexual activity from procreation and teaching people to use
 each other's bodies for selfish pleasure -- abortion is always used as
 a backup.
 -- Fr. Paul Marx, President, Human Life International, Pro Life/Family
       Catalog, 1991, as quoted in The Far Right, Speaking For Themselves,
        a Planned Parenthood pamphlet
%%
You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten.
 -- Charles Schulz, Things I've Had to Learn Over and
             Over and Over
%%
You can't take sides when you know the earth is round.
 -- Patricia Sun
%%
You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they
 don't.
 If you have to hate, hate gently
 -- Dagwood Bumstead
%%
You can't teach seven foot.
 -- Frank Layton, Utah Jazz basketball coach, when asked why he had recruited
     a seven-foot tall auto mechanic
%%
You can't tell a book by its cover.
%%
You can't tell Al Gore anything. He has a soundproof head.
%%
You can't tell Bill Clinton anything. He has a soundproof head.
%%
You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.
 -- Miller's Law
%%
You can't tell me that cowboyx, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of
 "accidentally" brand each other every once in a while.  It's their way of
 letting off stress.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
You can't tell your friend you've been cuckolded; even if he doesn't laugh
 at you, he may put the information to personal use.
 -- Michel de Montaigne
%%
You can't think and hit at the same time.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
You can't think rationally on an empty stomach,
and a whole lot of people can't do it on a full one either.
%%
You can't trust a man who won't shave himself on his own hangover.
%%
You can't trust anyone in the jungle these days.
 -- Boho the hippopotamus,
          from the Jungle Doctor story, "Sweet and Sour Hippo"
%%
You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.
 -- Bonnie Prudden
%%
You can't underestimate the power of fear.
 -- Tricia Nixon Cox
%%
You can't unlock the keys.
%%
You can't un-melt a snowflake...
%%
You can turn ANY conversation into one about sex!
%%
You can't use tact with a congressman. A congressman is a hog. You must
 take a stick and hit him on the snout.
 -- Henry Adams
%%
You can't win.
%%
You can't win all of the time.  There are guys out there who are
better than you.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
You can't win the game if you won't throw the dice.
%%
You can't win.  You can't break even.  You can't get
out of the game.   Can I abdicate?
%%
You can use this thing for WORK???
%%
You can watch a horse boil in a pot but you can't drink him.
%%
You can watch an actor absolutely sabotage a good script and then read
 reviews like 'Unfortunately, even the impressive talents of Cheech Marin
 could not salvage Anton Chekhov's trite and meandering script.'
 -- Chet Ramey, Case Western Reserve University
%%
You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
 -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
%%
"You Cardassians are a bunch of weenies!"
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
You care to surrender now, Captain?
 -- Riker, "Peak Performance", stardate 42923.4
%%
You charge the ritual with magical energy and focus your will.
Time Passes...
Flowing waves of mystical light congeal all around you.
'Like wow, man! Colors!'
Appreciative citizens throw you spare change.
%%
You claim a birthright you have forsaken?
I have not forsaken my heritage. I am Klingon. My heart is of this world.
  My blood is as yours.
 -- Duras and Worf, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
You clamber up the plant and scurry through the hole at the top.
%%
You climb to reach the summit,
but once there, discover that all roads lead down.
 -- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
You cling to your own ways and leave mine to me.
 -- Petrarch
%%
You cod dam small-fry, now you've got me hooked too!
%%
You come from a very brave and unique race. I'm glad you're here on
  the ENTERPRISE.
Thank you, Commander. And welcome home.
 -- Riker and Worf, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
You come out of a woman and you spend the rest
 of your life trying to get back inside.
 -- Heathcote Williams
%%
You coming to Atlanta? Cya at ONE BBSCON in August.
%%
You compensate for you prejudices when making decisions.
%%
You compromise on what you shouldn't and fight for things not worth
fighting for.
%%
You coulda been somebody. You coulda been a contenda.
%%
You could A)rchive the message and LIST it.
%%
    You could augment an earwig to the point where it
understood nuclear physics, but it would still be a very
stupid thing to do!
 -- The Doctor - The Two Doctors
%%
You could be playing a video game instead.
%%
You could be replaced by an infinite number of monkeys.
%%
You could count them on less than one hand.
%%
You could do better, but why bother?
%%
You could eat off of this Birkenstock!
 -- Scott Larsen
%%
You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first
 and last month in advance.
%%
 You could have a cheap car radio fitted while you waited, and if you turned
 your back for a couple of minutes, it would be removed while you waited
 as well.
 -- About King's Cross Station
%%
You could have, "I'm a wuss!" tattooed across your butt! huh huh huh
%%
You could have knocked me over with a fender.
%%
You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
%%
You could not step twice into the same rivers; for other waters are
ever flowing on to you.
 -- Heraclitus of Ephesus
%%
You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
 doubt.
 -- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
%%
You could say I'd lost my faith in our politicians.
%%
You courtiers...you're nothing but lapdogs to a slip of a girl.
..Better lapdogs to a slip of a girl than a ..._git_.
 -- Captain Rum and Edmund : Potato
%%
You'd be crabby, too, if your mussels cramped.
%%
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
 -- Dolly Parton
%%
"You'd better ask yourself `Do I feel lucky?'
Well, do you, punk?"
 -- Dirty Harry
%%
You'd better beat it.  You can leave in a taxi.  If you can't get a
taxi, you can leave in a huff.  If that's too soon, you can leave in a
minute and a huff.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace.  It's unpleasantly
  like being drunk.
 What's so unpleasant about being drunk?
 You ask a glass of water.
%%
You'd better lie down before something else happens..
%%
You'd better make like a hockey player and get the puck outta here.
%%
You'd better stand back... I don't know how big this thing gets.
 -- Adam to Eve
%%
You defend other people's ideas at the expense of your own.
%%
You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
%%
You deliver a good argument, but speaking personally, I'd rather have an
exhibitionist nymphomaniac, especially one who looked like Julie Newmar.
 -- Jerry Boyajian
%%
You depend too much on computers for information.
%%
You deserve a break today, so get up and get away ... to McDonald's.
%%
You deserve a PA1 today. . .
%%
You deserve the gods you worship.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
You deserve to be disappointed.
%%
You'd have more success herding cats.
%%
You dialed 5483.
%%
You didn't escape quickly enough. You have been sent to his fortress
for for "safe keeping".
%%
You didn't have the right parents, whose parents did you have?
 -- Lister to Rimmer in Red Dwarf 'The End'
%%
You didn't make it.
%%
You didn't say what you said I said you said.
%%
You did WHAT with TurboTax??? OMG!!
%%
You disguise your laziness as pride.
%%
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
%%
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.  It's a shame
you're such an idiot.
%%
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. Unfortunately
it is only an act.
%%
You'd like me to THINK that, wouldn't you.
%%
You'd like to book a table for three...by the window...for nine
  thirty p.m....not too near the band...in the name of Oberlauten
  and Von Genschler...yes...yes, I think you might have the wrong
  number...
 -- Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
You do have a big heart, Bob...I like you a lot.
%%
You... do *have* some cheese, don't you?
%%
You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one.
 -- Edward Keating
%%
You do not examine legislation in the light of the benefits it will convey
if properly administered, but in the light of the wrongs it would do and
the harms it would cause if improperly administered.
 -- Lyndon Johnson
%%
You do not have mail.
%%
You do not lead by hitting people over the head-that's assault, not leadership.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
You do not need a needle for ruptured pigs.
%%
You do not test the strength of a fly by hitting it with a sledgehammer.
 -- Professor Simpson
%%
[You do not understand hatred as I understand it.   Only hate keeps
 me alive.]  Why else should I endure this pain?  I must see the Doctor
 die in shame and dishonour.  Yes--and I must destroy the Time Lords.
 Nothing else matters.  Nothing.
 -- Master, The Deadly Assassin
%%
You do not want the one you can afford.
 -- Baker's Law of Economics
%%
You don't ask the Almighty for His ID!
 -- McCoy, "The Final Frontier," stardate 8451.1
%%
You don't buy beer, you just temporarily divert it.
%%
You don't buy beer, you only rent it for a while.
%%
You don't deserve it, but I'm glad it happened!
%%
You don't drown by falling into water.   You drown by staying there.
 -- Robert Allen
%%
You don't end prejudice by changing the words for it.
%%
"You don't expect me to know what to say about a play when I don't know who
the author is, do you?...If it's by a good author, it's a good play, naturally.
That stands to reason."
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950),
   Epilogue to "Fanny's First Play"
%%
You don't fit through a two-inch slit!
%%
You don't fix a boat from the outside because you might not be able
to tread water long enough to point out everyone elses mistakes.
 -- Mike Warnke, Good News Tonight.
%%
You don't float with your weight as it is. You drowned.
%%
You don't fool me!! You're not really an idiot!!
%%
You don't fuck around with the infinite
 -- Mean Streets
%%
You don't get another guess....
 -- Avon
%%
You don't get it boy, this is an operating table.
%%
You don't get once-in-a-lifetime offers like this every day.
%%
You don't get tired of muffins, but you don't find inspiration in them.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
You don't give a damn about apathy.
%%
You don't go out and kick a mad dog.   If you have a mad dog with rabies, you
 take a gun and shoot him.
 -- Pat Robertson, TV Evangelist, about Muammar Kadhafy
%%
You don't have a disease.  You just live in New Jersey.
%%
You don't have a good idea of what a dog's life is like, until you have had
 to clean up after one.
%%
...You don't have many suspects who are innocent of a crime. That's
    contradictory.  If a person is innocent of a crime, then he is not
  suspected.
 -- Edwin Meese
%%
You don't have PMS, you're just logically underenhanced!
%%
You don't have to be crazy to live in this planet -- but it helps.
%%
You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps.
%%
You don't have to be intelligent to use it but it helps.
%%
 You don't have to be jealous of the girl who works on your Bicycle.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a man number 16
%%
You don't have to be nice to people on the way up
if you're not planning on coming back down.
 -- Oliver Warbucks, "Annie"
%%
You don't have to do this to impress me.
 -- Leia (Star Wars)
%%
You don't have to drive a beer home in the morning
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
You don't have to explain something you never said
 -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
You don't have to hold a position in order to be a leader.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
%%
You don't have to let a beer win.
 -- Men vs. Beer
%%
You don't have to sit in a feminizt to know what it smells like.
%%
You don't have to sit on a Femagogues to know what * IT * smells like.
%%
You don't have to suffer to be a poet.
Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
 -- John Ciardi
%%
 You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
 -- Reasons why a bicycle is better than a woman number 25
%%
You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
 -- J. D. Salinger
%%
You don't have to wash a beer to make it taste good.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
You don't have to wine and dine beer.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
You don't have to worry about that: it's virtual!
%%
You don't honestly expect me to
believe that, do you?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
You don't hunt ducks with a turnip!
%%
You don't just go to the Black Lodge and walk out with your girlfriend.
 -- Karl, explaining the last episode of Twin Peaks
%%
You don't just luck into things as much as you'd like to think you do.
You build step by step, whether it's friendships or opportunities.
 -- Barbara Bush
%%
You don't know anything about a woman until you meet her in court.
%%
You don't know how much you don't know until you know alot.
 -- Nick Holland
%%
You don't know me...you just wish that you did.
%%
You don't know what love is until you are in love
 -- Chung S Khan
%%
You don't know what's going on.
 -- Duane Michals
%%
You don't know what we could find.  Why don't you come with me,
little girl, on a magic carpet ride?
%%
You don't know what you're talking about, do you?
%%
You don't learn anything the second time you're kicked by a mule.
%%
You don't like me very much do you?
Is it required...sir?
 -- Lt. Cmdr Remmick and Worf, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
You don't like Rush Limbaugh's show? Then get your own talk show.
%%
You don't look at the mantle-piece when you poke the fire!
%%
You don't look so tough.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
You don't make money in politics.  Or, I should say --- you
shouldn't.
 -- Marilyn Quayle
%%
You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.
 -- Guindon
%%
You don't need a computer to put two and two together.
%%
You don't need a license to live with a Beer.
%%
You don't need a lid on a basket of crabs. If one of them tries to climb out,
the others will pull it back down.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
...You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
 -- Bob Dylan, from "Subterranean Homesick Blues" 1967
%%
You don't need much [to practice law] except common sense and relatively
 clean fingernails.
 -- John Mortimer's father
%%
You don't need to be a cannibal to be fed up with people.
%%
You don't need to bring your adversaries to their knees, just to their senses.
%%
You don't need to buy your cat expensive presents on its birthday.
%%
You don't need to fly to have more fun with wings.
 -- Joe Anderson
%%
You don't really jerk out the eyeball, you just sorta *spring* it so
it pops outa the socket.
 -- Big Frank, in "Hells Angels" by Hunter S. Thompson
%%
You don't really understand something until you understand it in more than
 one way.
 -- Marvin Minsky
%%
You don't remember me, do you?
 -- One of the world's worst questions
 -- Jane Goodsell
%%
You don't save a pitcher for tomorrow. Tomorrow it may rain.
 -- Leo Durocher
%%
You don't serialsly believe the number is really gone?
%%
You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting
needles.
 -- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
%%
You don't sound very optimistic.
I know my enemy, Commander. They don't leave much room for optimism.
 -- Riker and Alexana Devos, "The High Ground", stardate 43510.7
%%
You don't suffer, kill yourself and take the risks I take just for
money.  I love bike racing.
 -- Greg LeMond
%%
You don't tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive.
 -- Margaret Thatcher
%%
You don't understand me, so don't reprimand me.
%%
You don't understand regeneration, Mel.   It's a lottery, and I've drawn
the short plank.
 -- Dr. McCoy, TIME AND THE RANI
%%
You don't usually see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
%%
You don't want a television with knobs marked "volume" and "brightness" and
 "contrast."  You want a television with knobs marked "sex" and "violence" and
 "political bias."
 -- Nicholas Negroponte, Director of MIT Media Lab
%%
You DON'T want me to translate that.  No, really you don't.
%%
You don't want to come back from Sorrento to a dead cat.
%%
You don't want to know your fortune, buddy.
%%
You don't want to see system messages,
you just want everything to work right.
But since you have to use them, here's how.
 -- MVS/ESA: Diagnosis: Tools and Service Aids LY28-1813-03
 -- 17.0 Chapter 17.  Messages
%%
You do realize you're asking a guy inna rat suit?
%%
You doubted Me, God tells the Lawgiver [Moses], But I forgave
 you that doubt. You doubted your own self and failed to believe
 in your own powers as a leader, and I forgave you that also. But
 you lost faith in these people and doubted the divine possibilities
 of Human Nature. THIS loss of faith makes it impossible for
 you to enter the Promised Land.
 -- The Midrash
%%
You do well in speculation where land or anything to do with earth is involved.
%%
You'd PAY to know what you REALLY think.
 -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, 1961
%%
You drink at a bar in the daytime, people call you a drunkard. You drink at
 the golf course, you're a sportsman! So I get drunk like a sportsman. And
 it's convenient. You fall down, you land on grass, you never get hurt. If
 somebody hollers "Fore!" that means two doubles.
 -- Jackie Miles
%%
You Drip!: Lee K. Fawcette
%%
You drop a penny, you can find it, it doesn't roll anywhere. You drop a
 quarter, it rolls for a full minute, and takes a microscope to find.
%%
You drop your carrier and I'll drop my pants....
%%
You 'd scarce expect one of my age
To speak in public on the stage;
And if I chance to fall below
Demosthenes or Cicero,
Don't view me with a critic's eye,
But pass my imperfections by.
Large streams from little fountains flow,
Tall oaks from little acorns grow.
 -- David Everett (1769-1813)
 -- Lines written for a School Declamation
%%
You'd think Ross Perot supplied Don Rickles with material.
%%
You'd think there were ENOUGH quotes, already...
%%
You'd think we'd be tired of this by now, but what do YOU know.
%%
You Earth people glorified organized violence for forty centuries.  But
you imprison those who employ it privately.
 -- Spock, "Dagger of the Mind", stardate 2715.1
%%
You eat enough meat, you want to kill somebody.
That's the way it works!!
 -- Denis Leary
%%
You either have to lose weight or make more friends--six pallbearers isn't
 going to cut it.
 -- Johnny Parker ("The Wizard of Id")
%%
You enjoy the company of other people.
%%
You enter a field of brightly color flowers...
Wow, man! These are some pretty poppies!...
poppies...
poppies...
You become somewhat disoriented...
%%
You ever notice how boogers don't smell?
%%
You exist; it's this place that is unreal.
%%
You expect me to believe that? . . . Del Grant
Not particularly. But it happens to be the truth....
 -- Avon
%%
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
%%
You feel greedy and want more gold? Why don't you try digging?
%%
You feel guilty.
%%
You feel like someone is pulling your leg.
%%
You feel strong enough to be gentle.
%%
You feel you have more memories than you have energy to process those
memories.
%%
You fell into a pit and broke every bone in your body!
%%
You fiend! What have you done to him?!!
We have put...a _bag_ over his head.
 -- Lady Farrow and Edmund : Head
%%
You fight with the strength of many men, sir knight.
%%
You fill a much-needed gap.
%%
You find a strange document, obviously misfiled
under the heading 'acrylic fungus painting technique'
%%
You find people ready enough to do the Samaritan, without the oil and twopence.
 -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845)
 -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 261
%%
You find something amusing?
Lieutenant Worf, I like him. To be more accurate I understand him, the
  warrior proud, fearless, living only for combat. Exactly the type that
  will get us all killed if we're not careful.
 -- Riker and Setal/Jarok, "The Defector", stardate 43462.5
%%
You find yourself amusing, Herr Blackadder.
I try not to fly in the face of public opinion...
 -- Ludwig and Edmund : Chains
%%
You folks aren't talking about Barney, are you? I'm outta here.
%%
You food is accepted, thankfully. As a token of their
appreciation, appreciation, they put out a carved animal figure.
%%
You fool, dwarves eat only coal! Now you've made him *really* mad!!
%%
You fools! BULLETS WON'T STOP HIM!
%%
You fool! That's the History Eraser Button!!!
%%
You forget, Jean-Luc, you destroy humanity.
 -- Q
%%
You forgot the velvet pillow. The chalice has shattered.
%%
You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago.  Tomorrow you'll need that version.
%%
You forgot to read your fortune cookie... It says... you're shit out of luck.
 -- Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry in THE DEAD POOL
%%
You freely express resentment at bad treatment. Then you forget it.
%%
You furnish the pictures and i'll furnish the war.
 -- William Randolph Hearst
%%
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
%%
You get exactly what you create.  If you don't believe this, try sitting in
a vacant lot and hoping for a house to appear. Until you create the house,
the lot will remain vacant.
%%
You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.
 -- Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vt), May 1990
%%
You get more than you give when you give more than you get. If you don't
 want any, than don't give any, and you will get even less back.
%%
You get stack of Taglines here instead of just one at a time.
%%
You get the best view of Paris from the Eiffel Tower, because you can't
 see the Eiffel Tower from there.
%%
You get the most of what you need the least.
 -- Law of Gifts
%%
You Get Used To Those Things...
%%
You get what you pay for.
 -- Gabriel Biel
%%
You get what you pay for. Life is free. Hmmm....
%%
You get what you settle for.
 -- Thelma and Louise
%%
You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't
enough in the second half, you give what's left.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me
from your own life.  May it all turn out to your happiness.
 -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
YOU!!  Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little
 VICTORIAN DOLLHOUSE you can find!!  An make it SNAPPY!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
You goddamn cornhuskers are all alike.
 -- Jim Thompson
%%
You go slow, be gentle.  It's no one-way street -- you know how you
feel and that's all.  It's how the girl feels too.  Don't press.  If
the girl feels anything for you at all, you'll know.
 -- Kirk, "Charlie X", stardate 1535.8
%%
You got a lot of repressed feelings, don't you, Bob?
%%
"You got an alarm clock in there, sir?"
"No!  No, heavens, no, no..  Just vests."
"Sounded a bit like an alarm clock going off."
"Oh, it can't have been.  It must have been a vest..
uh.. go-.. going off."
 -- Monty Python
%%
You got any more taglines I can plagiarize ?
%%
You got a thing or two to learn about me baby.
%%
You go to bed, dear. I'll bag the nazi and tiddy up.
 -- Paul Bland, from Eating Raoul
%%
You go to heaven...God sneezes... What do you say?
%%
You go to jail for doin' something normal. Ain't no law against peein' in
 public. They get you for indecent exposure. As long as you pee and don't
 zip your pants down, that's normal.
 -- Dick Gregory
%%
You go to the ballet and you see girls dancing on their tiptoes. Why don't
 they just get taller girls?
 -- Greg Ray
%%
You GOTS to be kidding!
%%
You gotta be cruel to be kind...
 -- Nick Lowe
%%
You gotta keep changing. Shirts, old ladies, whatever.
 -- Neil Young
%%
You gotta know when to code 'em, know when to modem.
%%
You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.
%%
You gotta look out for #1, but don't step in #2 doing it!
%%
You gotta lose 'em sometime. When you do, lose 'em right.
 -- Casey Stengel
%%
You got the ball. You had it right there. Then ... you hit it away! And
 then ... you go and walk after it again! It's a dumb game!
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
You got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues,
And you know it don't come easy ...
I don't ask for much, I only want trust,
And you know it don't come easy ...
 -- Steven Stills
%%
        You got us into this parking lot, so you get us out.
          You want out of this parking lot?   Ok...
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
You go Uruguay, I'll go mine.
%%
'You govern a kingdom by normal rules;
You fight a war by exceptional moves;
But you win the world by letting alone,
How do I know that this is so?
By what is within me!
The more taboo and inhibitions there are in the world,
The poorer the people become.
The sharper the weapons the people posses,
The greater confusion reigns in the realm.
The more clever and crafty the men,
The oftener strange things happen.
The more articulate the laws and ordinances,
The more robbers and thieves arise.'
 -- Tao Teh Ching #57, Lao Tzu
%%
You grok?
%%
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.
 -- Ethel Barrymoore
%%
You guys are just floundering around.
%%
 You guys are making fun of me, aren't you?
 -- ?
 -- Buckaroo Banzai
%%
You guys are the greatest. Yea I'm a liar but you don't care.
%%
You guys have been practicing discrimination for years.
Now it's our turn.
 -- Thurgood Marshall [quoted by Justice Douglas]
%%
 You guys know Minnie The Moocher?
 --I knew a hooker once named Minnie Mizola.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
You guys--you gain thirty pounds and we call you cuddly. We gain an ounce
 and you call us taxis. Then you don't call us at all.
 -- Carol Siskind
%%
You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
%%
You had mail.
David read it, so ask him what it said.
%%
You had some happiness once,
but your parents moved away, and you had to leave it behind.
%%
You had that action and counteraction which, in the natural and in
the political world, from the reciprocal struggle of discordant powers
draws out the harmony of the universe.
 -- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
 -- Reflections on the Revolution in France, Vol. iii, p. 277
%%
You hate mail.
%%
You have 60 mins a day, BUT you cannot d/l unless you...
%%
You have 938475827394577721747834759 new mail messages.
%%
You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, do you realize that?
 -- Peter Da Silva
%%
You have achieved the rating: "Experienced Adventurer".
%%
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow
 you'll be afraid to cough.
 -- Pearl Williams
%%
You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More--

This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More--

You are permanently confused.
 -- Dave Decot
%%
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
%%
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
%%
You have a diarrhea of words and constipation of thought.
%%
You have a difficult time coping with reality.
%%
You have a fine personality..but not for a human.
%%
You have a frog in your pocket?
%%
You have a healthy appreciation of your abilities, and a keen awareness
of your limitations.
%%
You have a knack for doublethink that you never realized you had.
 In fact, you will never realize it.
%%
You have a knack for understanding of problems of human relationship. Don't
use it to screw people up.
%%
You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.
 -- Lois Platford
%%
You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice,
bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
 -- Aristophanes   c. 450-385 BC, Knights [424 BC] l. 217
%%
You have a massage.  (From the Swedish prime minister.)
%%
You have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more; a multitude of you
possess that.  This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade and
trivial things -- broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueries, absurdities,
evokers of the horse-laugh.  The ten thousand high-grade comicalities which
exist in the world are sealed from their dull vision.  Will a day come when the
race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them -- and
by laughing at them destroy them?  For your race, in its poverty, has
unquestionably one really effective weapon -- laughter.  Power, money,
persuasion, supplication, persecution -- these can lift at a colossal humbug --
push it a little -- weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter
can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast.  Against the assault of laughter
nothing can stand.  You are always fussing and fighting with your other
weapons.  Do you ever use that one?  No; you leave it lying rusting.  As a
race, do you ever use it at all?  No; you lack sense and the courage."
 -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "The Mysterious Stranger"
%%
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
%%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%%
You have an ambitious nature and will make a name for yourself.
Make sure it isn't a bad name.
%%
You have an annoying fascination for timepieces, Mr. Sulu.
 -- Star Trek "Corbomite Maneuver" - Scott
%%
You have an important role as a negative example.
%%
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
%%
You have an unusual magnetic personality.
%%
You have an unusual magnetic personality.  Don't walk too close to
metal objects which are not fastened down.
%%
You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationship.
%%
You have a part-time job, you have a job.  That's better than no job at all.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle,
 -- speaking on $4.25/hour jobs with no benefits at Burger King
%%
You have a ready wit.  Let me know where it's ready.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable
 and trustworthy. A pity that it's totally undeserved.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy...at
least that's what they told me down at Honest John's Used Cars.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly unreliable and untrustworthy.
%%
You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
%%
You have a special understanding of the mentally ill, and they have a special
 understanding of you.
%%
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
%%
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
%%
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
%%
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first. Which
is why you never get anything done at work!
%%
You have a sudden craving for a pecan twirl.
%%
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
%%
You have a truly strong individuality.
%%
You have a truly strong individuality. Which is why you can never get along
with others.
%%
You have a very optimistic outlook on life, for no good reason.
%%
You have a vision! An awesome angel hovers over the altar.
The angel says: 'You twit, don't bash your own altar!'
The angel slaps you upside the head for your presumption.
%%
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by
the CIA and FBI. (And, in fact, you're right.)
%%
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
%%
You have a wonderful way of going out of your way to be wonderful.
%%
You have a yearning for perfection.
%%
You have been completely annihilated. Congratulations.
%%
You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive.
 -- Sherlock Holmes, "A Study in Scarlet"
%%
You have been my friends, that in itself is a tremendous thing...
 -- E. B. White
%%
You have been selected for a secret mission.
%%
You have brought nothing but pain and suffering to this crew and I am
  still not entirely convinced that all this isn't you latest attempt
  at a puerile joke.
It is a joke, joke on me, joke on the universe. The king who would be man.
 -- Picard and Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
You have class, Claire!  You have class up the butt!!
 -- Janitor Joe, _A Sinful Life_
%%
You have climbed up the plant and out of the pit.
%%
You have descended to the very center of the earth. The heat is very
intense intense here. Some old tools are lying on the ground, seemingly
untouched untouched by the heat.
%%
You have diabetes, the doctor said sweetly.
%%
You have displac'd the mirth, broke the good meeting,
With most admir'd disorder.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act iii, Sc. 4
%%
You have entered a great hall with tables and chairs filling the
floor. floor. Two rows of pillars march down the length of the hall. The
remains remains of a great feast can be seen.
%%
You have entered a room that almost seems to pulse with a strange
beat. beat. You can overlook pulsating flames that burn from torches far
below below in the bottom of a pit.
%%
You have entered a room with paintings allong the north and south
sides. sides. The paintings are all beautiful sunrises.
%%
You have entered a very richly decorated chamber, obviously the
king's. king's. Great chests and closets contain but a fraction of his
robes. robes. One entire wall is covered with shelves loaded with books
and and rolls of parchment.
%%
You have entered Lord Kazak's chamber. There room is quite large.
Standing before you is a tall gromlet in an outrageous costume.
Obviously Lord Kazak himself! (For a lord, he sure has a funny nose!)
%%
You have executed the right person?
%%
You have fallen so far behind, there is no reason to log in.
%%
You have found an extremely long stairway going straight up.
The stairs are grilled steel and the bannister is rubber.
Take the stairway? [yn]
The stairs suddenly start moving with a grind of gears!
You are wafted to the surface....
%%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
%%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
Don't become overly excited.
%%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
Take care the IRS and the SEC don't find out!
%%
You have hate mail.
%%
"You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?"
"The famous scientific criminal, as famous among crooks as--"
"My blushes, Watson," Holmes murmured, in a deprecating voice.
"I was about to say 'as he is unknown to the public.'"
 -- Dr. John Watson, "The Valley of Fear"
%%
You have here an unusual opportunity to appraise the human mind, or to
examine, in Earth terms, the roles of good and evil in a man.  His
negative side, which you call hostility, lust, violence; and his
positive side, which Earth people express as compassion, love,
tenderness.  And what is it that makes one man an exceptional leader?
We see here indications that it is his negative side which makes him
strong -- that his evil side, if you will, properly controlled and
disciplined, is vital to his strength.Your negative side, removed
from you, the power of command begins to elude you.
 -- Spock, "The Enemy Within," stardate 1673.1
%%
You have junk mail.
%%
You have just as much chance for success on this day as on any other,
so make it a good one.
%%
You have just entered THE EMMITT ZONE!
%%
You have just returned from a trip to Green Bay, Wisconsin in January
and tell your boss that nobody but whores and football players live
there.  He mentions that his wife is from Green Bay.  You:

(a) Pretend you are suffering from amnesia and don't remember your
    name.

(b) Ask what position she played.

(c) Ask if she is still working the streets.
%%
You have just won the Davis Cup Playoff!!
%%
You have large reserves of smug self-satisfaction and suppressed feelings of
 superiority.  Draw on these resources.  Accept the fact that you will never
 fully understand why others are so inferior to you.
%%
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
%%
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop. If you practice
often enough you will be able to spell your name with no problem.
%%
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
On second thought, in your case, the pains might be fatal.
%%
You have mail.
%%
You have managed to wound the dragon, but in the tustle you have
also also been wounded and are now unable to carry as many things as
before. before.
%%
You have many dear and loyal friends.
%%
You have messed yourself up so badly that you can't even
carry carry the lamp! Why don't we just call it a day. Come back some
other other time.
%%
You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you
for flaunting your powers.
%%
You have moments. You do have moments.
%%
You have more angles than a geometry book.
%%
You have more respect for a capable shoeshine boy, than for a crass
opportunist.
%%
You have no friends among the ambitious.
 -- Ron Randall
%%
You have no keys!
%%
You have no real enemies.
%%
You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.
 -- John Viscount Morley, "Rousseau", 1876
%%
You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
 ...oh, yeah, and that exam next week.
%%
You have nothing with which to attack the dragon. It has injured you
and and you cannot carry as much.
%%
You have not made the best impression when the funeral director invites you
 to come to a wake, so that the feeling of grief may be augmented.
%%
yOU HAve OfFIcialLY eNTereD tHe PRepoStERous ZonE.
%%
You have only a very small head and must live within it.
%%
You have passed the qualifications necessary to become an honorary
member member of the elven community. You are taken to the Elven King, who
names names you an elf friend and informs you that your adventure is not
yet yet over! There is one more thing you must do, but it will tax your
abilities abilities to the limit!! Suddenly the host of elves disappears.
%%
You have passed the test and can be considered as friendly if you dial a
 wrong number and manage to talk the the person who answers for fifteen
 minutes.
%%
    You have perhaps heard the story of the four students--
British, French, American, Canadian-- who were asked to write
an essay on elephants.  The British student entitled his essay
"Elephants and the Empire."  The French student called his
"Love and the Elephant."  The title of the American student's
essay was "Bigger and Better Elephants," and the Canadian
student called his "Elephants: A Federal or Provincial
Responsibility?"
 -- Robert H. Winters
%%
You have pleased Lord Kazak! He bows to you, jumps up in the air,
spins spins around three times, shouts "K-a-a-z-a-a-k", and vanishes in
a a cloud of black and orange smoke!
%%
You have PMS and a Handgun?  I'll go quietly.....
%%
You have prepared a proposal for your supervisor.  The success of this
proposal will mean increasing your salary 20%.  In the middle of your
proposal your supervisor leans over to look at your report and spits
into your coffee.  You:

(a) Tell him you take your coffee black.

(b) Ask him if he has any communicable diseases.

(c) Show him who's in command; promptly take a leak in his In
      basket.
%%
You have quite an imagination, Bob!
%%
 You have reached 234-1243.  This is an answering machine.  This
 is the nineties.  You know what to do.
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
 You have reached 555-6238.  Why?
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
 You have reached 843-4734.  Please hold while I process your
 call.  (Pause.)  Our extremely sophisticated computer system
 performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with
 our list of important callers.  None of our staff is authorized
 to speak with you except for Fred, who is not here right now.
 Please leave your name phone number and a brief message at the
 tone.  Thank you for calling and have a nice day.
 -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...
%%
You have reached 911, all representatives are currently busy.
%%
 You have reached 934-2435.  We picked this machine up at a
 garage sale in "as-is" condition.  You can try to leave a
 message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded.  If we
 don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
You have reached "Senior Master" status.
%%
 You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System.  Your
 voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for
 later use.  Once this is done, our computers will be able to use
 the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and
 immoral purposes.  There is no charge for this initial
 consultation.  However our staff of professional extortionists
 will contact you in the near future to further explain the
 benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of
 payment.  Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone.
 Thank you.
 -- Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble
%%
 You have reached the Des Moines chapter of the Iowa
 Procrastination Society.  Please leave a message after the tone
 and we'll get around to it...
     (or)
 Hi!  This is Mary.  I'm afflicted with lysdexic procrastination.
 Please leave your message before the tone and I'll get around to
 getting it straight.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
 You have reached the number you have dialed.  Please leave a
 message after the beep.
 -- Answering machine madness - brevity
%%
 You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton.  All our
 agents are busy undermining the governments of the Earth and
 cannot come to phone at the moment.  However, your name and
 number can be left at the tone and a representative will gladly
 contact you shortly to arrange for your assimilation into the
 new order.  Long groblint the ultimate blenstron.
 -- Answering machine madness - science fiction
%%
 You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile
 Storage Facility.  We are unable to come to the phone right now.
 At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list
 of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can.  And have a nice
 day.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
 You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline.  All our lines
 are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone
 will get back to you as soon as possible.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you
really need.
 -- Vernon Howard
%%
You have taken the chalice and hurled it viciously to the ground.
%%
You have taken the vase and hurled it delicately to the ground.
%%
You have taken yourself too seriously. Knock it off.
%%
You have taken yourself too seriously.
 -- The Fifth Rule
%%
You have taught me the fear of becoming lost, which has killed the pleasure
of curiosity and discovery.  In strange cities, I memorize streets and always
know exactly where I am.  Amid scenes of great splendor, I review the route
back to the hotel.
 -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
You have taught me to value a good night's sleep over all else including
adventures of love and friendship, and even when the night is charged with
magic, to be sure to get to bed.  If God had not meant everyone to be in
bed by ten-thirty, He would never have provided the ten o'clock newscast.
 -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
You have the ability to make vague, general statements about your life.
%%
You have the ass of a great artist.
 -- Pick up line
%%
You have the attention span of a ferret on a double mocha.
%%
You have the attitude of a winner.
%%
You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
%%
You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before the
police find out.
%%
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
%%
You have the heart of a conservative...a lump of black rock.
%%
You have the mouth of a prattling jackanapes, but your eyes, they
tell a different story.
 -- Sharaz Jek, CAVES OF ANDRONZANI
%%
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
%%
You have the Pyrrhic dance as yet,
  Where is the Pyrrhic phalanx gone?
Of two such lessons, why forget
  The nobler and the manlier one?
You have the letters Cadmus gave,--
Think ye he meant them for a slave?
 -- Lord Byron (1788-1824)
 -- Don Juan, Canto iii, Stanza 86, 10
%%
You have there hit the nail on the head.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, Book iii, Chap. xxxiv
%%
You have the right to remain an idiot.
%%
You have the right to remain silent, but I wouldn't encourage you to do so.
 Anything you say will be taken down, altered to my satisfaction and used in
 a court of law to send you down for a good many years!
%%
You have the right to remain silent....  USE IT!
%%
You have to accept that the movie isn't going to be as good as you wanted
 it to be.
 -- David Lean
%%
You have to be as fully prepared for the dull game as you are for
the great game, or else you won't be prepared for the great one.
 -- Red Barber
%%
You have to be cheerful sometimes, you know.
%%
You have to be sharp to be on the cutting edge.
%%
You have to be SURE of yourself... I think...
%%
You have to be very careful these days. If you get involved with somebody
 you have to know their health history. The best way to find out is to look
 through their medicine cabinet. It tells you what they have, what they
 don't have ... With this girl--I opened up the medicine cabinet. It was
 empty. I said, "Jeez, I don't know what she's got, but whatever it is,
 there ain't no cure for it!"
 -- Jack Simmons
%%
You have to do something before you can do something for a change.
%%
You have to forget about what other people say, when you're
supposed to die, or when you're supposed to be loving.  You
have to forget about all these things.  You have to go on
and be crazy.  Craziness is like heaven.
 -- Jimi Hendrix
%%
You have to give the electorate a tune they can whistle.
 -- Enoch Powell
%%
You have to go out there and give it 110% in the ninetieth minute.
%%
You have to hand it to Venus de Milo -- otherwise she'd starve.
%%
You have to hang on in periods when your style isn't popular, because if
 it's good, it'll come back, and you'll be a recognized beauty once again.
 -- Andy Warhol
%%
You have to have a boy. If you don't have a boy, the name dies. And be sure
 to marry a lady who's young enough to have a baby.
 -- Frank Sinatra (to Frank Sinatra, Jr.)
%%
You have to have all the facts before you jump to conclusions
 -- George Bush, on Iraq's behaviour.
%%
You have to have a physical before you get into the Army. A doctor looks in
 one ear, another doctor looks in the other ear, and if they can't see each
 other, you're in. And if they can see each other, you become an MP.
 -- Joe E. Brown
%%
You have to kill a pessimist.  Optimists usually take care of
themselves.
%%
You have to know what you're looking for before you can find it.
 -- Solomon Short
%%
You have to know who to threaten to punish and who to PROMISE to
 punish!
 -- Harry Ugol
%%
You have too much respect upon the world:
They lose it that do buy it with much care.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act i, Sc. 1
%%
You have to play Mozart like Chopin and Chopin like Mozart.
 -- Pablo Casals (to Vladimir Horowitz)
%%
You have to regard everything I say with suspicion - I may be trying to
bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently.
 -- J. Wainwright Mathematics 140b,
 -- From a collection of University of Waterloo Computer/Math class quotes
%%
You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are.
If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.
 -- Lewis Carroll
%%
You have to run between the raindrops if you want to see.
%%
You have to shout above the din of our rice crispies, we can't hear
 anything at all.
 -- Sting
%%
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a
 day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she
 is.
 -- Ellen DeGeneris
%%
You have to take off your shoes before you can take off your stockings.
%%
You have to visit 11 shoe stores before you find a pair of shoes that fit.
%%
You have to work years in hit shows to make people sick and tired of you,
 but you can accomplish this in a few weeks on television.
 -- Walter Slezak
%%
You have two choices:  1. Leave  2. Become dinner.
%%
You have two choices for dinner: Take it or Leave it.
%%
You have unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
%%
You heard about the man who quit playing golf, then took it up again
 fourteen years later? He found his ball.
 -- Bob Kaliban
%%
You Heard It Here Department: Pete Rose is opening a new motel chain, The
 Wager Inn.
%%
You Heard It Here First Department: Heraldo Rivera is going to present a
 four hour documentary on cheating by the use of steroids by various sports
 teams of nursing home residents.
%%
You hear that boy laughing?--you think he 's all fun;
But the angels laugh, too, at the good he has done;
The children laugh loud as they troop to his call,
And the poor man that knows him laughs loudest of all.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Boys
%%
You hear the fortune cookie's hissing!
%%
You hear what she said Mordock? She said I was cute.
"Is that good, Wesley?"
Yes...I think.
 -- Wesley and Mordock about Oliana, "Coming of Age", stardate 41416.2
%%
You hit the nail right between the eyes.
%%
You hold 'em off, I'll go for help. (heh-heh-heh)
%%
You hold together with the wrong people.
%%
You [humans] are, after all, essentially irrational.
 -- Spock, "Metamorphosis," stardate 3220.3
%%
You humans are all alike.
%%
You [humans] find it easier to understand the death of one than the
death of a million.
 -- Spock, "The Immunity Syndrome," stardate 4307.1
%%
You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude.  "You're
welcome," I believe, is the correct response.
 -- Spock, "Bread and Circuses", stardate 4041.2
%%
You idiots!  You've captured they're stunt doubles!
%%
You imbecile! You forgot again!
%%
You, in the red uniform, see what that noise is.
%%
You judge others only by how well they live up to their own capacities.
%%
You judge the acts of others only by their intentions.
%%
You judge your own acts only by their consequences.
%%
You just can't beat cubic inches.
%%
You just can't fillet a twinkie.
 -- Michael MacDonald, breeder of Golden Retrievers
%%
You just can't go to a public swimming pool and splash around anymore.
 Everyone's swimming laps now. Some guy jumped in behind me and said, "How
 long are you gonna be using this lane, dude?" "Until my bladder's empty,
 punk."
 -- Tommy Sledge
%%
You just can't promise something like that just to get elected if you
 know there's a good chance that circumstances may overtake you.
 -- Bill Clinton, East Lansing MI debate, Mon Oct 19 1992
%%
You just come along with me and have a good time.  The Galaxy's a fun place.
You'll need to have this fish in your ear.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
You just contradicted me!
%%
 You just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract
 Center.  Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and
 destination of incoming bogey.  TNR Surveillance will scramble.
 If you do not respond, this unit will assume incoming,
 non-urgent.
 -- Answering machine madness - authority figures
%%
You just don't get off a spaceship and run....
 -- Avon
%%
You just gotta love algorithm patents... NOT!
%%
You just gotta save Christianity, Richard! You gotta!
 -- Loretta Young, to Richard the Lionhearted, in the movie The Crusades, 1935
%%
You just leave those Russians to me, honey.  I'll take 'em all on,
 a battalion at a time, and send them back to Omsk with their little
 tails between their legs.
%%
You just wait, I'll sin till I blow up!
 -- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
You keep your equilibrium no matter what position you find yourself in.
%%
You killed someone he loved. . . . Dayne (to Shrinker)
And there aren't many of them about. Avon's not a very
loveable man....
 -- Vila
%%
You killed Ted, you medieval dick-weed! - Bill
%%
"You Kill It, We Grill It"
 -- Road Kill Cafe
%%
You Klingon son!  You killed my bastard!  No, wait a minute...
%%
You knew it would have to come to this, I am sure, but Oliver North will
 only eat one kind of breakfast food: Shredded Wheat!
%%
   You know, all of these rules that may be completely correct for
normal people, make no sense for prodigies.  To say that Bach should
pay any attention to how he was socially adjusted is just a bad joke.
 -- Paul Erdos
%%
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their
careers...damn anthropologists.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
You know, before I left, President Bush and I were talking and he said
to me, 'I knew Spiro Agnew. I worked with Spiro Agnew. And believe
me, you are no Spiro Agnew.'
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle to those who had compared his attacks
 -- on the "cultural elite" to Agnew's denunciations
 -- of "effete intellectuals", The Los Angeles Daily News, 6/28/92
%%
You know, benchmarks are those programs which every manufacturer
considers harmful.
%%
You know, Griffiths, when I look at you, I often wonder why your
    ancestors bothered to climb out of the primordial slime.
 -- Lytton, Attack of the Cybermen
%%
"You know," he added very gravely, "it's one of the most serious things that
can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off."
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
You know he's a vampire if your pet rabbit growls at him.
%%
You know he's Bad, he's Bad, you know it -- he stinks!
%%
You know how dumb the average guy is?  Well, by definition, half of them are
 even dumber than THAT.
 -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
%%
"You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid?  Well, MINE are even WORSE!"
 -- Calvin
%%
You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and
 then you remember it really is?  I'm like that all the time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment,
 and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment?
 I'm like that all the time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're
 reading, reading...and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed?  I'm
 like that all the time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top,
 and you think there's one more step?  I'm like that all the time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
You know how most packages say "Open here".  What should you do if the package
 says, "Open somewhere else"?
%%
You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.
 -- Maharbal
%%
You know how with some girls you feel sorry the next day? With Pamela
 you're sorry when it's going on.
 -- Roger Price
%%
You know how you tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes
 places with your narrow waist.
 -- Red Skelton
%%
You know I don't repeat gossip, so I'm only going to say this once...
%%
You know I hooked up my modem to a board with no name...
%%
You know I'm a sucker, baby. For what the cowgirls do.
%%
You know I'm going to lose, and gambling's for fools, but that's the way
 I like is, baby--I don't want to live forever.
 -- Lemmy Kilmeister
%%
You know I'm lost without you. - Stimpy
%%
You know...in a hundred years I just might get to like you.
%%
 -- You know it is going to be a rotten day when...
You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk,
bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your
spouse.
%%
 -- You know it is going to be a rotten day when...
You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your skirt
is caught in your pantyhose.
%%
 -- You know it is going to be a rotten day when...
You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day
after you bought a waterbed.
%%
You know it's a bad day when your team gets whipped by The Whalers!
%%
"You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with
a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I
really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!"
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen!"
 -- Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect,
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day if you wake up with your water bed
 busted--and you know you ain't got a water bed.
 -- Jan Murray
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your alarm clock-radio wakes you with
the words "One minute to impact."
 -- Ambidextrous Rex
(Of course, you won't have to worry about getting up to go to work.)
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your horn goes off accidentally
and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your only son tells you
he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your twin sister forgets
your birthday.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: you see a "60 Minutes"
news team waiting in your office.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: you turn on the news and
they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
%%
 -- You know it's going to be a rotten day when...
you call suicide prevention
and they put you on hold.
%%
 -- You know it's going to be a rotten day when...
you forget your new password.
%%
 -- You know it's going to be a rotten day when...
you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
%%
 -- You know it's going to be a rotten day when...
your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
%%
 -- You know it's going to be a rotten day when...
your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
%%
 -- You know it's going to be a rotten day when...
you wake up face down on the pavement.
%%
 -- You know it's going to be a rotten day when...
you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
and there aren't any.
%%
You know it's Monday when you find a land mine in your food.
 -- Garfield
%%
You know it's Monday when you find sharks in your water bowl.
 -- Garfield
%%
You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.
 -- Garfield
%%
You know, it's really kind of silly to wander around outside with
your your lamp on.
%%
You know, it's women like you who make men like me make women like you make
 men like me.
 -- Bobby Clark
%%
You know, it takes forever to get out of Texas.  And then when you do,
you're in Oklahoma.
 -- David Ball, country singer.
%%
You know, I've had quite a bit to drink tonight, and .. well, you're
starting to look pretty good.
%%
You know, I've never accidentally drilled a hole in myself while programming.
 -- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
You know, Jimmy's Taglines are actually getting acceptable.
%%
You know more about a man in one night than you do in months of
 conversation.  In the sack, they can't cheat.
%%
'You know my motto: Forgive and uh... the other thing.'
%%
You know, names aren't magic. They are merely handles.
%%
You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery,
are now extinct.
 -- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
You know one thing that will really make a woman mad?  Just run up and kick her
 in the butt.  (P.S. This also works with men.)
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
 -- Chicago
%%
You know princess, you are UGLY when you're angry..
%%
You know something that would really make me applaud?  A guy gets stuck in
 quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis!
 How do they do that?!
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
You know, sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires.  Which
is why God invented dental floss.
 -- Susanne Kollrack
%%
You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.
%%
You know that any senator or congressman could go home and
make $300,000 to $400,000, but they don't.
Why?  Because they can stay in Washington and make it there.
 -- Rudd's Discovery
%%
You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip
over? Well, that's how I feel all the time.
 -- Steven Wright
%%
You know that little indestructible black box
 that is used on planes; why can't they make the
 whole plane out of the same substance?
%%
You know that people will be kind to you, given a chance.
%%
You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you
still remember dreaming, that's where I'll always love you Peter Pan,
that's where I'll be waiting
 -- Julia Roberts in Hook
%%
You know that the day is not off to a good start when someone tells you
 that your unimportance is only matched by your truly great insignificance.
%%
You know that they have accepted each other when she doesn't scream at him
 for spilling something on the new carpet, and he doesn't get excited at her
 because of the dent in the new car.
%%
You know that times are not easy when your basic economy car comes at a
 base price of over $10,000.00.
%%
You know that you are from a small town if the main street of the place
 runs through a car wash.
%%
You know that your son is growing up when he stops asking you where he came
 from and refuses to tell you where he is going.
%%
You know, the difference between this company
and the Titanic is that the Titanic had paying customers.
%%
You know the greatest danger facing us is ourselves, and
irrational fear of the unknown.  There is no such thing as the
unknown.  Only things temporarily hidden, temporarily not understood.
 -- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver," stardate 1514.0
%%
You know the great thing about TV? If something important happens
 anywhere at all in the world, no matter what time of the day or night,
 you can always change the channel.
 -- Jim Ignatowski
%%
You know the honeymoon is over when you wife says she's going to slip
into something a little more comfortable, and it turns out to be a twin bed!
%%
You know the kind of girls I like. They've got to be lovers...laughers
  ...dancers...
...And bonkers...
 -- George and Edmund : Amy and Amiability
%%
You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human.
 -- Hobbes
%%
You know the romance is not as warm as once it was when he leaves the motor
 running as he drops off his girl friend after a date.
%%
You know the world's in trouble when it takes 2,000 laws to enforce
the Ten Commandments.
 -- Alfred E. Newman
%%
You know things are bad when you're surrounded by four lawyers, and none of
them is yours.
%%
You know this year is off to a bad start when your Mother invites your wife
 to lunch and tells her about the continuous bed wetting that went on
 through your college years...
%%
You know us Sysops, It's always the other guys fault ;-)
%%
   "You know, we really ought to do accounting on the Unix boxes. It
should be a ten-minute hack..."
 -- Former group head, 1987, quoted by John
%%
You know, we've won awards for this crap.
 -- David Letterman
%%
You know what a stewardess is. That's a girl who asks you what you want,
 then straps you in the seat so you can't get it.
 -- Jimmy Edmonson (Professor Backwards)
%%
You know what a woman's curiosity is. Almost as great as a
man's!
 -- Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband"
%%
You know what bugs me? People who smoke cigars in restaurants. That's why I
 always carry a water pistol filled with gasoline.
 -- Paul Provenza
%%
You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without
having asked any clear question.
 -- Albert Camus
%%
You know what comes between me and my Calvins?  Nothing!
%%
 You know what I hate about answering machine messages?  They go
 on and on, wasting your time.  I mean, all they really need to
 say is, "We aren't in, leave a message."  That's why I've
 decided to keep mine simple and short.  I pledge to you, my
 caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long
 answering machine message when you call me...
 -- Answering machine madness - machine theme
%%
You know what I hate?  Indian givers...no, I take that back.
 -- Emo Phillips
%%
You know what I like about hookers? It doesn't matter what line you use on
 them, because they all work.
 -- Kip Addotta
%%
You know what it's like to be dead.  It's just like it was before you
were born.  Remember what it was like before you were born?
 -- Evan
%%
You know what I wish?I wish all the scum of the
Net had one throat and I had my hands about it.
 -- Rorschach (1985) WATCHMEN
%%
You know what kind of day it's going to be when you stub your toe
on the pillow.
%%
    You know what misery I went through there, listening to
lawyers day and night.  If you'd had experience of them
yourself, as brave as you think you are, you'd have preferred
to clean out the Augean stables...
 -- Seneca - The Apocolocyntosis
%%
You know what scares me? The X ray! What's the matter with those rays if
 the dentist has to hide in the next room? He's got this great big thing
 focused at you going buzz and he's hiding.

 Then he hands you the plates to hold in your mouth. You know that awful
 scene: "Take this finger, hold it over here, this finger hold it over here,
 this finger, hold it over here."

 Then he comes back and says, "No wonder your tooth hurts, you have a finger
 chopped up in there!"
 -- Shelley Berman
%%
You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime,
 to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests?  Just a big bag of blood.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
You know what, Stuart?  I like you.  You're not like the other people,
here, in the trailer park.
%%
You know what they're doing with your taxes? They're spending your money,
 hundreds of billions of dollars, on defense. To defend us from the
 Russians, the Nicaraguans, the Libyans, the Iranians. When was the last
 time a Russian broke into your car and stole your stereo? I'm not worried
 about Russians; I'm worried about Americans! If you're going to defend me,
 defend me from Americans! Get my butt back from Burger King alive!
 -- Blake Clark
%%
You know what they say about paradigms - shift happens!
%%
You know what they say - don't get mad, get angry...
%%
You know what to fight for and what to compromise on.
%%
You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a
 flea?  Getting caught inside a watch somehow.  You don't even care, do you.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
You know what would make a good story?  Something about a clown who makes
 people happy, but inside he's real sad.  Also, he has severe diarrhea.
 -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
%%
You know when the price of winning is too high.
%%
You know who critics are?--the men who have failed in literature and art.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Lothair, Chap. xxxv
%%
You know why it is so easy to keep making the same mistakes? Because
 practice makes perfect.
%%
You know why there are so few sophisticated computer terrorists in
the United States?   Because your hackers have so much mobility into
the establishment. Here, there is no such mobility.  If you have the
slightest bit of intellectual integrity you cannot support the government....
That's why the best computer minds belong to the opposition.
 -- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity
%%
You know you are getting along in years when you wink at a very pretty
 young gal and she smiles.
%%
You know you are getting older when the only thing you really want for your
 birthday is not to be reminded of it.
%%
You know you are getting old when you enter a limozine and all the cars
 behind you turn on their lights.
%%
You know you are in a truly small town, if the store owner sweeps the
 sidewalk in front of his or her place of business.
%%
You know you are in bad shape when people take one look at you and openly
 speculate out loud about when death started advertising.
%%
You know you are in lust/love/infatuation when...
  When thought can nolonger be un-interupted by her, and
your soul is crying out to be loved by her.
 -- Alex Feely
%%
You know you are in trouble when you've got insomnia so bad you can't
fall asleep even when it's time to get up.
%%
You know you are no longer young if you recall that the fastest means of
 communication was ordinary gossip.
%%
You know you are not on a first name basis with the organizers when you
 receive your mail from Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes and the letter
 begins; "Dear Mr. Scumbag."
%%
You know you are not well when your greatest secret desire is to appear on
 a rerun of the Gong Show.
%%
You know you are over the hill when your work is less fun and
your fun is more work.
%%
You know you are overweight when you get on a talking scales in the Mall
 and it says "One at a time, please."
%%
You know you don't look too well when you go to your 35 High School Reunion
 Party and someone in the class asks you "Tell me, was it your sister who
 died?"
%%
 -- You know you have a small apartment when...
flies must file a flight plan.
 -- S. Rickly Christian
%%
 -- You know you have a small apartment when...
one is company and two is a crowd.
 -- S. Rickly Christian
%%
You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
 -- S. Rickly Christian
%%
 -- You know you have a small apartment when...
you can answer the telephone
from the bed, the kitchen table, the sink or the shower.
 -- S. Rickly Christian
%%
 -- You know you have a small apartment when...
you can have breakfast in bed
without getting up to fix it.
 -- S. Rickly Christian
%%
 -- You know you have a small apartment when...
you crack your knuckles and the
window rattles.
 -- S. Rickly Christian
%%
 -- You know you have a small apartment when...
your wall-to-wall carpet is a
welcome mat.
 -- S. Rickly Christian
%%
You know you have a weight problem when your doctor suggests that you get
 into group therapy - by yourself!
%%
You know you have not made the best impression when someone tells you: "I'm
 going to commit your name to memory and throw my head away."
%%
You know, you have to be careful not to get yourself
locked into this open systems stuff.
 -- IBM executive
%%
You know you lead a sad life when a nymphomaniac comes up to you and
says,"Let's just be friends."
%%
You know you lead a sad life when the girls who get around
 never get around to you.
%%
You know you live in a really small town when:
 The mayor is also the police force and a bagger at the local supermarket.
%%
You know your child is not too smart when during the school period, roll
 call is taken and the child is stuck for an answer.
%%
You know your convenience-speak pretty well.
 -- Monica, from Heathers
%%
You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.
 -- Cyrus, Chicago Reader 1/22/82
%%
You know you're dieting when postage stamps taste good.
%%
You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
 -- John Mendoza
%%
You know you're getting old when it takes too much effort to procrastinate.
%%
You know you're getting old when what you call "life" is what
others deem "nostalgia."
%%
You know you're getting old when you notice how young the derelicts are
getting.
 -- Jeanne Phillips
%%
You know you're growing old when dialing long distance wears you out.
%%
You know you're growing old when your knees buckle but your belt won't.
%%
You know you're having a bad dream when Freddy wears a Swiss Army glove.
%%
You know you're in a small town.....
...if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
%%
You know you're in trouble when Steve Dallas is your defense attorney.
%%
You know you're in trouble when Worf smiles at you.
%%
You know you're in trouble when you forget your date with the DM.
%%
You know you're in trouble when you forget your skates at home.
%%
You know you're old when your toupee turns gray.
%%
You know you're paranoid when you can't think of anything that's your fault.
 -- Robert Hutchins
 -- Self Test for Paranoia
%%
You know you're the first one to pop a beer.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
You know you're there when they steal your taglines.
%%
You know your jeans are too tight, if it takes pliers to get to your
 wallet.
%%
You know you'r paranoid about security when:
 Your co-workers picture you as a twinnosed triclope.
%%
You know your really somebody in the software world when Richard Stallman
complains about you having a gratuitous patent.
%%
You know your son is growing up when he looks at a girl
the way he used to look at chocolate cake.
%%
You know your vacation is a success if, when you come home, you discover
 that the grass has not grown sufficiently to require an immediate cutting.
%%
"You know you say things are 'much of a muchness' -- did you ever see such a
thing as a drawing of a muchness?"
"Really, now you ask me, " said Alice, very much confused, I don't think --"
"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter.
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
At home, you close all the drapes, take off your clothes and don a pair
of swim fins.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
Cats start following you around even when you *aren't* carrying groceries.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
Everybody's talking about "fin de siecle" and you keep looking for the fin.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
It always takes you a second when someone says that they hear a siren.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
_Little Nemo in Slumberland_ was a big disappointment.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
Low ceilings bother you considerably less than high floors.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
People have asked you on several occasions what *is*, in fact, the Best Tuna.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
Someone tells you they're having flounder for dinner and you ask when
he'll be arriving.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
The lifeguard is getting tired of always having to tell you to come up
for air.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
The lobsters all cluster on your side when you're walking past their tank.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
The most depressing Hans Christian Anderson story *isn't* "The Little
Match Girl."
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
To you, "the local bar scene" refers to those dratted obstructions in
and around the harbor.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You always sleep *face down* (think about it!).
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You argue vehemently that the word "Marina" has nothing to do with boats.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You call for the chef and explain to him that this flat fish here looks
nothing like flounder.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You call "tails" even when you know the coin being tossed is one of those
two-headed trick coins.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You can't figure which is turning you on more: the dolphin or the trainer.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You can't look at a girl without wondering what her tail would look like.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You catch yourself balancing a beach ball on the end of your nose.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You find yourself checking for sharks whenever you stir outdoors.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You find yourself keeping score in _Jaws_.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You finish the last page of Moby Dick with a big smile on your face.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You flinch at the sight of Calamari.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You go out of your way to repeat experiences that make your head swim.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You have a favorite brand of fish food.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You have memorized two Tennyson poems by heart, and I don't have to
tell you which two.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You horribly misinterpret the TV cop's statement that he plans to "tail"
a suspect.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You keep crashing into the wall at the swimming pool and won't go near
the diving boards.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You keep noticing how big and how sharp "Shamu, the Friendly Killer
Whale"'s teeth actually are.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You keep thinking of ways to buy and sink a houseboat.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You know what a "Jenny Hanover" is.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You look at a statue of Justice and get disappointed that the scales
aren't what and where you wanted them to be.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You own an entire set of the Mermaid Drama Series and you've never read
a single play.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You own eighteen volumes of _Peter Pan_ because they have pictures by
eighteen different illustrators.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You peer around for a red-headed girl when people mention an aerial.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You realize you've been rooting for the wrong side in _Creature from the
Black Lagoon_.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You remember Rod Serling strictly for narrating "The Undersea World of
Jacques Cousteau."
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You reply each time with expletives.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You're so upset about assorted slaughters that you stomp on Japanese
beetles and set traps for Norway rats.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You routinely find yourself buying (male or female) exactly one less
item of bathing apparel than you have previously.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
Your parents on numerous occasions have discussed charging you rent for
the bath tub.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You shout, "Change *him*, change *him*!" at Triton near the end of
_The Little Mermaid_.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You shudder every time you walk past a sushi bar.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You think Octopi are cute.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You've made discrete inquiries about "Species Change" surgery.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You've made it this far in the list.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You want to grab a Disney animator by the lapels and lecture him about
how to draw a caudal fin.
%%
 -- You know you should be swimming when . . .
You won't go anywhere near a "Detail Shop."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...a fly lands on the screen and you try to pick it up with the mouse and
put it in the onscreen trashcan!
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...a friend asks you what you're going to do later and you answer:
cd $HOME; mkbed; sleep 28800
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...after a large C program, you can't stop making algorithms.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...after days with YACC, you start to parse your conversations.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...after fooling around all day with routers you pick up the phone and start
dialing an IP number.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...after writing a big report, you try to backspace in a pen and paper letter.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...before you call someone on the phone, you think:  'finger joe@his.house'
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...even Juan Valdez couldn't support your drastic need for yet another cup
of coffee.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...everything in your life turns into code...such as:
main()
{
   while ( sleeping ) {
      sleeping = !Rested();
      if ( AlarmIsOn() ) sleeping = 0;
   }
   BrushTeeth( self );
   Shower( self );
   Dress( self );
   Enter( car, self );
   while ( !Started( car ) ) {
      if ( Inserted( key ) ) Turn( key );
      else
         Insert( key );
   }
}
And when you try to compile, you get:
"life.c", line 3: sleeping undefined
"life.c", line 7: self undefined
"life.c", line 10: car undefined
"life.c", line 12: key undefined
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...in a dream, you are walking down a path (using PostScript's pathforall)
and get woken up by a closepath.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...in art class you make a mistake in a drawing and look frantically for
the undo button on the paper.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...in non-computer related situation you start thinking that whatever you
are doing, it could be done more easily in a shell script.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...in your universe, `round numbers' are powers of 2, not 10.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...it takes a conscious effort NOT to pronounce the 'd' at the end of common
words.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...just when you finish writing the be-all-end-all program for your computer
(has everything-AI, MIDI, productivity stuff, excellent games, desktop video,
etc.) the entire computer industry upgrades to the "next best chip."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...more than once, you have woken up recalling a dream in some programming
language.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...people talk to you while you're trying to work, and you think, "mesg n".
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...someone sticks a Post-It note on your screen and you try to lower it
behind some other windows.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...that home project you thought would only take a single weekend has now
passed its first decade of development.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...the executive who tells you that he read in PC week magazine that setting
up a LAN in a multi-vendor environment using DECNET was easy and asks you
to explain why it's taken you over a week to get the client/server
applications in a "production mode."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...the funniest joke you came up with over dinner has the punch line:
"But what if it was in hex?"  ...and the people you were with also thought
it was funny.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...the Government actually makes sense.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...the message `New mail in /usr/spool/mail/foo' becomes an NMI.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...when you can't wake up in the morning because you forgot to push a return
address on the stack the night before.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you almost get hit by a bus that pulled away from the stop without
looking and you say:  PANIC: bus error
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you are having a bad dream (being chased by space aliens, etc.) and you
wake up, only to have another bad dream and realize that you are STILL
dreaming, and had been dreaming you were dreaming, so you wake up again,
and finally wake up once more and realize you were nested four levels deep
in dreaming you were dreaming.  It is bad enough to recognize that you were
in a strange recursi6on, but then there is this really horrible thought "If
I had experienced a stack overflow would I have been permanently
unable to wake up?".  Then you KNOW you are finally awake and have been
hacking too long.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you are looking at an ASCII core dump of your OS project which has many
O's and &'s in it (among other things), and you shout:
"I see the problem.  Orcs are attacking my demons."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you are moving across town, and find yourself thinking about putting a
forward in your mailbox outside.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you are trying to remember something but hear in your head: "parity
error at address..."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you ask archie where to find your keys.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you ask someone if they'd like to go get some "TeX-MeX" food.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you begin all of your questions with "INPUT. . ."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you begin to think in nested IF-THEN-ELSE clauses that would make a
bureaucrat get lost.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you can remember your ethernet hardware address.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you can't digest anything except VendeCoffee(TM) and VendeChoc(TM).
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you can't sleep any more, because you're stuck in the garbage collector
and it keeps dumping with Illegal Instruction.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you check your email more often than your paper mail, and you remember
your network address faster than your postal one.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you complain in the supermarket about your change and find out you
computed it in hex.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you count empty bottles (two at a time) like this:
"2, 4, 8, 16, 32, .... 32?!?"
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you count sheep in hex.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you count things on your fingers in binary.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you decide to stay in school...just to keep your Internet account!
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you discover that you're balancing your checkbook in octal.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you don't care whether C or C++ is compiled or interpreted.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you dream that your SO and yourself are icons in a GUI and you can't get
close to each other because the window manager demands minimum space between
icons...
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you dream you have to write device drivers for your refrigerator, washing
machine, and other major household appliances before you can use them.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you enclose comments in your class notes with "/* */"
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you find out that you can't get to sleep, because you are, in fact, the
program you're designing, and can't run to completion as the lower level
routines haven't been coded yet.  [This may be one of the disadvantages of
top-down design...]
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you find yourself trying to CTRL-S the credits rolling on the TV screen.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you fumble dialing the telephone, and make a stab for the backspace key
[and wonder why the numbers aren't coming up on your screen].
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you get a thank-you note from the local power company, along with a
co-signer form for next month's bill.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you get snail mail, and you think to your self "You have new mail on node
"your_address" from user "name_on_the_frank".
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you go to lunch and there are no forks at the cafeteria, to which you
exclaim:  fork(): no more processes
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you go to the movies and it takes 5 minutes to get used to the flicker.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you have a photo of your SO taped to the corner of your screen and you
get comments from passers-by like "Hey, neat GIF", and "_How_ many colors?"
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you have been hacking X and the colors of your tv don't look right so
you think maybe you should use a different Visual.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you have to put a happy face on paper, and do it sideways.  :-)
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you hear your alarm, but can't seem to get fully awake until you
successfully page your left arm back in from swap space.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you hit the snooze bar, it goes off again, you hit it again and make a
mental note that you can't do it much longer because your subroutine is
mallocing memory each time it goes off, and soon will run out.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you leave the building at night and say "XGoodNight" to the security guard!
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you look above the television for a title bar to find out the name of
the program you are watching.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you look at an internal telephone extension number 2444 and immediately
try to work out what permissions it represents, and then wonder why it's sgid!
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when... ...you make a mathematical
proof and try to compile it to test if it is correct.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you match each :-( with a :-) to keep the parentheses balanced.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you mourn the death of GOTO and spaghetti programming more than your
dead fish.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you open a window to find a phone number in a file, then try to cut &
paste it to the phone.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you order on the phone from a catalog, and start to give the operator
your email address.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you order pie a-la-mode and a friend asks "What mode?", to which you
answer:  1755 (sticky bit).
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you pick up a pencil and wonder whether it supports the Norwegian letters
(TeX \ae, \o, \aa).
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you pick up a rootbeer and read the label as "High Res", not Hires.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your alarm clock goes off, and in your dream you try vainly to figure
out what keyboard command to use to turn it off.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your brain keeps hallucinating random "system error: collision with
stack heap" or "Guru Meditation Mode # Three billion and fifty-two, press
left button to continue" or even "This is not a DOS disk." error messages.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your children do something they shouldn't do, you tell them to stop, they
do it just once more anyway, so you think "Well, they prefetched the
instruction and are executing it in the delay slot."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your complexion has turned pale from being constantly irradiated by the
monitor.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your computers have a higher street value than your car.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your digital alarm clock goes off and you think "Bloody Macs!"
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you reach for the mouse to cut that piece of code from the sheet of paper
on your desk and try to paste it into the editor.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you realize you have never seen half of your best friends.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you're awakened by your SO and all you can think of, in that muddied half-
conscious state before becoming fully awake, is something having to do with
male and female serial connectors and how the baud rates have to be
synchronized.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you're doing laundry, and you think:  touch *     <or>   make clean
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you regularly sit up and stare at your (ringing (loudly!)) alarm clock
thinking, "I can't shut it off because if I do the error message will scroll
off the screen and then I won't be able to figure out what went wrong."
Other times you scrabble around looking for the mouse to click on the alarm
clock window to focus input so that you can enter the snooze button keypress.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you're hacking on a project late at night, you are trying to get at some
munchies, and you are having problems opening them (fingers stay in keyboard
mode) and you think:  Finger: Error, cannot open chocolate_bar.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you're looking for your hilighter and you think:  find . -pen HiLiter -print
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you're reading from paper media and when you finish the page you press
the spacebar.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you're replying by hand to a letter and you suddenly realize that you
have written out huge chunks of the original letter with a greater than
symbol at the start of each line, so you think you should edit it a bit
to avoid getting flamed for including too much of the original post!!
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you're trying to get to sleep but can't because you don't know the
right VMS logical--you keep typing SHOW LOGICAL *SLEEP* and never get
anything but:
SHOW-S-NOTRAN, no translation for logical name *SLEEP*
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you're writing a homework assignment, and get to the end of the line
in the middle of a sentence, tack on a '\',
and continue writing on the next line.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when... ...your friends send
you to the refrigerator to get an imported beer, but you can't find
an opener, so you report:  bottle: cannot open, opener: not found
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your friends who aren't hackers wonder what happened to you.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your last thought when falling asleep is:  while(!asleep()) lambs++;
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your radio is playing, and you're starting a big compile on your home
box, and it occurs to you that the music will begin to get a bit jerky,
because you think it's playing through the computer and you're not quite
sure how well it'll multitask with the compile.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your sleep cycle has revolved around the clock several times due to
"working days" longer than 24 hours.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your SO asks you where you want to eat on a friday night and you want to:
cat yellowpages | grep pizza | grep carryout | more
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your SO kisses you on the neck and the first thing you think is "Uh, oh,
priority interrupt."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...your speech is punctuated by finger twitches (or arm-waving) indicating
braces.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you see a flock of birds and try to figure out the algorithms that
determine their movement.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you see a sign near the elevator that says "out of order" and you think
"sort elevator > elevator.new; mv elevator.new elevator"
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you see a sign on a door saying "Please make sure this door is locked"
and you wonder if lockd knows about it.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you send E-mail and end each line with \n.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you send email to somebody who's three terminals down the lab.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you send your SO notes like:  while !(together(you,me)) miss(you);
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you stare blankly at the screen and your fingers type "rwho" without
any help from your brain.  ...you get tired of screens full of worthless
information scrolling so you alias rwho.  ...you subconsciously start
typing "/usr/ucb/rwho" to bypass your alias.  ...you alias /usr/ucb/rwho,
but bypass that alias simply by inserting extra "/"s.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you start doing stuff like:  cc -o a.out foo.c
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you start doing stuff like THIS:  emacs a.out
(an even worse version of this is "cat >a.out" and then start typing in
your code.  It hits rock bottom when a.out runs on the first attempt.)
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you start dreaming code.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you start dreaming in Tetris and trying to rearrange the furniture so
it all fits neatly against one wall.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you start reading car license plates as machine code.  JMP 451, HCF 919
(this one really shook me up), HLT 772 (Halt instruction...gotta reboot the
truck again!), FOXXY (um, don't know that one...must be a floating point
instruction).
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you start typing semi-colons at the end of sentences instead of full stops;
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you stop by the grocery store on your way home, and write your check out
in hex.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you test a program, and it fails, so you jump into the editor, look at
it, jump out, recompile and test (without making changes) and it still
doesn't work, so you jump ........ and it still doesn't work ......
recompile without any changes........
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you think "grep keys /dev/pockets" or "grep homework /dev/backpack"
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you try to bring a window to the front of something, then you realize
that "something" is a Post-It (tm) on your screen.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you try to ^Z out of Quattro.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you've been low-level debugging ethernets for a week and you see two
people at a table trying to pick up the same jar of butter and you directly
wonder if they are using the correct CSMA/CD algorithm to avoid a re-collision.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you wake up and desperately try to start a compiler so you can use the
15 minute waiting period to sleep some more.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you wake up at 3:00am from a nightmare, and realize the reason for it:
There is no #include <stdio.h> in the beginning of the dream!!!
This realized, back to restful sleep...
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you want more coffee and you think:
finger waiter; cat *coffee* | grep -v decaff | drink | more
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you want to compile busy traffic so that it will run faster.
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you want to retract something said in haste, and think C-a C-@ C-e C-w
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you want to wash your hair and think:  awk -F"/neck" '{ print $1 }' | shower
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you wish you could study for an exam by executing the command:
cat civ100 | tee brain
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you "woke up" this morning and thought, "I'll checkpoint here, snooze a
bit more and then revert to checkpoint."  A while later you go up another
consciousness notch and realize that you hadn't checkpointed successfully
- -- "Oh, of course.  I didn't have the keyboard."
%%
 -- You know you've been hacking too long when...
...you wonder why you can't just go:  sleep 28800& and go on with your hacking?
%%
You know you've been spending too much time on the computer when your
 friend misdates a check, and you suggest adding a "++" to fix it.
%%
You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
%%
You lack confidence and are generally a coward.
%%
You laugh just like the angles dancing on the head of the pin
jabbed into my mind's eye.
%%
You lay it down, and I'll pick it up.
%%
You learn as much by writing as you do by reading.
%%
You learn from your mistakes.
%%
You learn something useless every day.
%%
You learn to write as if to someone else
because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE "SOMEONE ELSE".
%%
You left your footprints on my stomach when you walked out of my heart.
%%
You lied.

I exaggerated.
 -- Saavik and Spock "The Wrath of Khan," stardate 8130.3
%%
You like a good steak, but you don't want to know how it got on your plate.
 You must be serious about your business, Blackie.
 -- Jean Renault, from Twin Peaks
%%
You like participating in competitive sports.
%%
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
%%
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances. Because your old
friends don't like you anymore.
%%
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances...more
chances to cheat, steal and swindle.
%%
You like to think of yourselves as complex creatures, but you're flawed.
One gains admittance to your minds through many levels.  You have too
many to keep track of yourselves.  There are unguarded entrances to
any human mind.
 -- Sylvia of Pyris VII, "Catspaw," stardate 3018.2
%%
You little Temptress. I want to see you BEG!
 -- Arnie Becker (L.A. Law)
%%
You live and learn.  At any rate, you live.
 -- Douglas Adams
%%
You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
 -- L. Long
%%
You'll always be our hacker hero, Bob!
%%
You'll be a hard luck woman...baby till you find your man.
%%
You'll be called to a post requiring high ability in handling groups of people.
%%
You'll be sorry.
%%
You'll be the first ones up against the wall when the revolution comes.
%%
You'll change your definitions of "fat" and "ugly" to save your self-respect.
%%
You'll come a waltzin' matilda with me....
%%
You'll find I'm full of surprises
%%
You'll find in no park or city A monument to a committee.
 -- Victoria Pasternak
%%
You'll find radical Berkelium in sunny Californium.
%%
You'll get over her.
(Percy readies his aim and prepares to shoot the arrow)
...I did.
(Percy is distracted, and has to re-aim.)
......So did Baldrick, in fact...
 -- Edmund to Percy : Bells
%%
You'll have to be nice to me--I throw up easily.
%%
    You'll have to leave my meals on a tray outside the door
because I'll be working pretty late on the secret of making
myself invisible, which may take me almost until eleven
o'clock.
 -- S.J. Perelman
%%
You'll have to speak up if you expect me to hear you.
%%
You'll know when you're ready for it.
%%
You'll learn something about men and women.
%%
You'll learn something about men and women -- the way they're supposed
to be.  Caring for each other, being happy with each other, being good
to each other.  That's what we call love.  You'll like that a lot.
 -- Kirk, "The Apple", stardate 3715.6
%%
You'll learn to care for yourselves, with our help.  And there's no
trick to putting fruit on trees; you might even enjoy it.  You'll learn
to build for yourselves, think for yourselves, and what you create is
yours.That's what we call freedom.  You'll like it.  A lot.
 -- Kirk, "The Apple," stardate 3715.6
%%
You'll like them... Well some of them... Well one of them... Maybe....
 -- Kryten to Camille in Red Dwarf 'Camille'
%%
You'll love it Dad! It's fully assembled!
%%
You'll miss the whole end of the war!
Yes, very bad luck. Beep.
Right...
Beep.
...Now, Baldrick, I'll be back as soon as I can.
Pa-paaaa.......
 -- George and Edmund : Goodbyeee...
%%
You'll need [pornography]. Lots of it. The dirty, filthy, degrading kind.
 But keep it well hidden! Don't discount secret wall panels, trick drawers,
 holes in the yard, etc., especially if you have teenage boys or a Baptist
 wife with a housecleaning obsession. Also keep in mind that you could die
 at any moment, and nothing puts a crimp in a funeral worse than having the
 bereaved family wonder what kind of sick, perverted beast you were under
 that kind and genteel exterior.
 -- John Hughes
%%
You'll never be half the woman your father was!
%%
You'll never be the man your mother was!
%%
You'll never find out whether you're miserable because you're a failure or
vice versa.
%%
You'll Never Get Away from Me, Darling, Because Even When You're Taking a
 Shower with Somebody Else, I'll Be the Soap on Your Rag.
 -- Lewis Grizzard
%%
You'll never get dizzy doing a good turn.
%%
You'll never get there and if you do, you won't know.
%%
You'll never get to heaven if you pay a lawyer.
%%
You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of
the human race.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
You'll never make it as a juggler, m'boy. Your eyes are too sad. But don't
 listen to me, kid. My entire success is based on one rule: never take
 advice from anybody!
 -- W. C. Fields (to Paul Muni)
%%
You'll never make it--four-groups are out.
 -- Anonymous record company executive
 (to the Beatles, 1962)

 If you want to please only the critics, don't play too loud, too soft, too
 fast, too slow.
 -- Arturo Toscaning (to Vladimir Horowitz)
%%
You'll never see all the places, or read all
the books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended.
%%
You'll often say, "At least I have my health," until you get cancer.
%%
You'll sic this army of swans on me? :) HAHA....
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
You long for success? Start at the bottom; dig down.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
You look at some of these races around the country and you think it's
a damn shame somebody has to win.
 -- David Letterman on ugly campaigns
%%
You look at your needs, at your competitors, at what you can afford,
 and you cut your cloth accordingly.
 -- Ian Ross, AT&T Bell Laboratories
%%
You look for the battles in the wrong place. The true test of a warrior
  is not without - it is within.
 -- Worf to Korris, "Heart of Glory", stardate 41503.7
%%
You lookin' at me?  You lookin' at me?!
%%
You look like a man with the minimum daily requirement of
intelligence.  Where can I find a book on self-confidence?
 -- Herman
%%
You look like a million dollars.  All green and wrinkled.
%%
You look like a million dollars.  All in loose change.
%%
YOU look like an elephant!
%%
You look like someone who owes me money.
 -- Tony Ianuzzi
%%
You look like something the cat refused to drag in.
%%
You look marvelous.
%%
You look rather rash my dear your colors don't quite matc
%%
You look smart, Mr Blackadder. Going somewhere nice?
No. I'm off to the theatre.
What, don't you like it?
No, I don't. A load of stupid actors, strutting around, shouting,
  with their chests thrust out so far you'd think their nipples
  were attached to a pair of charging rhinoceros.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Sense and Senility
%%
You look tired.
%%
You lose a lot of time, hating people.
 -- Marian Anderson
%%
You lose the beat, you lose the rhythm!
%%
You lost WHAT source code?
%%
You love peace.
%%
You love peace. Or is it: you love a piece?
%%
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
%%
You made a woman MEOW?
%%
You made me think. I'll be wary of you in the future.
%%
You made my day, now you have to sleep in it.
%%
You made my head explode.
%%
You made us, Man of Evil, but we are free.
 -- Shardovan, Castrovalva
%%
You make 'em, I amuse 'em. [children]
 -- Theodor "Dr. Seuss" Geisel
%%
You make ends meet...and they hate each other!
%%
You make me feel fine...warm as the mountain's sunshine.
%%
You make men love their government and their country by giving them the
kind of government and the kind of country that inspire respect and
love: a country that is free and unafraid, that lets the discontented
talk in order to learn the causes of their discontent and end those
causes.
 -- Zechariah Chaffe, Jr. (1885-1957)
%%
You make the bed, you do the dishes, and six months later
you have to start all over again.
 -- Joan Rivers
%%
You may ask yourself, how did I get here?  This is not my beautiful house!
 This is not my beautiful wife!
 -- Talking Heads
%%
You may assume infinite ignorance and unlimited intelligence.
 -- Leo Szilard
 -- A Random Walk in Science compiled by R. L. Weber, edited by E. Mendoza
%%
You may as well expect pears from an elm.
 -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
 -- Don Quixote, Part ii, Book iv, Chap. xl
%%
You may as well say, that 's a valiant flea that dare eat his breakfast
on the lip of a lion.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry V
 -- Act iii, Sc. 7
%%
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer!
%%
You may be certain that age is galloping upon you when, after a feminine
 voice over the telephone says, "Do you know who this is?" you say, "No,"
 and hang up the receiver.
 -- Franklin P. Adams
%%
You may be conservative, cautious and practical.
%%
You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment
if you do not trust enough.
 -- Frank Crane
%%
You may be disappointed if you fail,
but you are doomed if you don't try.
 -- Beverly Sills
%%
You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
%%
You may be infinitely smaller than some things,
but you're infinitely larger than others.
%%
You may believe you understand what you thought I said,
 but have you ever realised that what I said was not
 what you thought?
%%
You maybe only young once - but you can be childish all your life.
%%
You may be recognized soon.  Perhaps you should hide?
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
 if all of your four-letter words are two syllables.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if all your art was purchased at gas stations.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if antlers are nailed to the outside of your house.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if anyone in your family rassles `gators for money.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if a watch band is wider than any book you've read.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if birds are attracted to your beard.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if blowing a tire results in a new flower pot.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if both your dad and you are in the same grade.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if both your dog and your wallet are on a chain.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if Goodwill declines your mattress.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if hitchhikers refuse to get in your car with you.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if Jack Daniels makes your most admired list.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if kudzu is in your family crest.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if less than half the cars in your yard, work.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if people ask permission to hunt in the front yard.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if potted meat on a saltine is an appetizer.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if Red Man Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas cards.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if someone in your family is an Elvis impersonator.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if Spam on a saltine is considered an appetizer.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if stealing road signs is a family outing.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if taillight covers on your car are made of tape.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the color of your truck is Bondo.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the color of your truck is primer.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the Elvis Hotline limits you to 1 call per day.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the family business requires a lookout.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the front yard's pink flamingos ain't a joke.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the Orkin man tells you, "Give up; you've lost."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the primary color of your car is bondo.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the QVC operator recognizes your voice.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if there is a puddle in your driveway year-round.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your home.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if there's an Elvis portrait over the fireplace.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if there's an velvet Elvis portrait in your home.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if there's a wasp nest in your living room.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the Salvation Army declines your mattress.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if the UFO Hotline limits you to one call per day.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if truckers tell your wife to watch her language.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you are allowed to bring your dog to work.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you are famous for your homemade squash wine.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you are proud that you can belch your full name.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you burn your yard instead of mowing it.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you buy a new house & have to remove the wheels.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you can burp the entire chorus of Jingle Bells.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you can have sex without spilling your beer.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you can swallow tobacco spit and not puke.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you consider "Field And Stream" deep reading.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you consider "TV Guide" to be deep reading.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you cut your toenails in front of company.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you don't like those "new-fangled" people.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you don't need a clean shirt to go to work.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you dress up the kids to go to K-Mart.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you drink from Mason jars at home.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you drive a tractor to the grocery store.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you drive a tractor to the liquor store.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you drove to elementary school.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you eat a McDonald's cheeseburger in one bite.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you entertain with tapes of pro bowling.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you entertain yourself with a fly swatter.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you feel cow tipping should be an Olympic event.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you get into a custody fight over a hunting dog.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you get your oil changed by your barber.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you go to family reunions to meet women.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you go to family reunions to pick up girls.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you had to remove a Marlboro to kiss the bride.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you had to take the wheels off your new home.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a bumper sticker on your bowling ball.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a civil war chess set & play checkers.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a gunrack on your bicycle.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a ham hanging from your front porch.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a Hefty Bag replacing any car window.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have an 8-track player in your 4X4.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have any relatives named Elmer or Jed.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a rag as a gas-cap.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a suit with sequins on it.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a tire swing in you house.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have a velvet bedspread.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have brothers named "Bubba" or "Junior".
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have ever financed a tattoo.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have every episode of "Hee-Haw" on tape.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have fly strips above the kitchen table.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have more than twelve dogs under your porch.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have to mow your driveway.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have to rake leaves in your kitchen.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have velvet Elvis paintings...in plain view.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you have velvet paintings above your mantle.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you invite friends over to see your lava lamp.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you keep a pellet gun by the front door.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you keep catfish in your aquarium.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you know how many bales of hay fit in your car.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you know how to hotwire a tractor.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you know how to milk a goat.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you legally name your child "Bubba".
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you list your parole officer as a reference.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you live with more dogs than family.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you made a hot tub using a trolling motor.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you mow your yard and discover a car.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you often answer the door holding baseball bat.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you often shop for groceries at gas stations.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own a collection of "monster truck" tapes.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own a collection of pro-bowling tapes.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own a collection of pro-wrestling tapes.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own a fur coat that's homemade.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own a pair of "dress" boots.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own more television sets than books.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own more than 3 shirts with cut-off sleeves.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you own more than two tractors.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you paint your car with cans of spray paint.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you paint your car with house paint.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you prefer car keys to Q-tips.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you proudly display gifts you got at Graceland.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you proudly own a denim leisure suit.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you proudly own a "monster truck."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you quit your job to avoid paying child support.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your 9x9 living room has a Spanish decor.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball Run".
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your all-time favorite movie is "Deliverance."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your beltbuckle is heavier than 4 lbs.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your best suit includes a Budweiser cap.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your best suit includes an orange hunting vest.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your best suit includes hip waders.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your best suit is a Coors cap & an orange vest.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your boat has not left the driveway in 5 years.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your brake lights are covered with red tape.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your car window is actually a Hefty bag.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your children address you as "Uncle Dad."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your coffee table used to be a TV cable spool.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your daughters' children also call you Cousin.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your dog can smoke a cigarette.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your dog sleeps closer to you than your wife.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your driveway is bordered by half-buried tires.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you're affectionately known as "Bubba, Jr."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you're arrested for peeing in an ice machine.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you're excited by gals who can field dress deer.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you refer to certain animals as "good eatin'!"
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you refer to Mason jars as "the good glasses."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you refer to paper plates as "the good china."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you refer to the 5th grade as "my senior year."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you refer to TV dinners as "gourmet dining."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you refer to your truck as "The Love Machine."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you refinance your taxidermy bills.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your entertainment is a 6-pack and a bug zapper.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your entertainment is shooting rats at the dump.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you're still upset that "Gunsmoke" was canceled.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you're still upset that "Hee Haw" was canceled.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your family tree doesn't fork.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your father is also your uncle.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your father made your personalized license plate.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your father refers to you as "Bubba, Jr."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your favorite Chinese meal comes from La Choy.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your fiance carries a spit cup.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your first cousin is also your wife.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your first name is followed by "Bob".
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your flashlight holds more then four batteries.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your funeral has more pickup trucks than cars.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your gene pool is a foot deep and usually empty.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your home comes with whitewall tires.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your home is mobile but your car isn't.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your home library is a entire set of TV Guides.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your home needs a bumper hitch.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your house warming involves removing the tires.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of a "gourmet chef" is Chef Boyardee.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of a "gourmet meal" comes from a can.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of a "gourmet meal" is Alpo.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of a "gourmet meal" is chitlins.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of a "gourmet meal" is grits & greens.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of classic literature is TV Guide.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of health food is chitlins.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of health food is lard.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your idea of health food is pork rinds.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your jeans have Skoal can prints on the pockets.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your job requires you to wear an orange vest.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your kids are described as "dumb as a brick."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your kid takes a siphon hose to Show-and-Tell.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your kid takes your spit cup to Show-and-Tell.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mailbox is in the shape of any farm animal.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mailbox is made from an old farm plow.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mailbox is made out of old truck parts.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your matchbook doubles as a toothpick.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mom earns beer money mud-wrestling.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mom earns beer money rebuilding engines.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mother has ever been arrested for poaching.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mother refers to you as "Bubba, Jr."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mother turns out to be your sister.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your mother uses a spittoon.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your nephew's wife calls you Cousin too.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you roll down the car window after sex.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your parents are first cousins.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your parents legally named you "Bubba".
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your porch collapses and more than 3 dogs die.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your school's fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your taxidermist bill exceeds annual income.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your truck costs more than your house.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your truck is taller than your house.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your truck muffler is held on by a coat hanger.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your van has curtains and your house doesn't.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wading boots double as dress pants.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wedding looks more like a family reunion.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife doesn't put on shoes to go shopping.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife ever burned out an electric razor.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife has a beer belly and you find it cute.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife has a spit cup by her ironing board.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife has ever worn a tube top to a funeral.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife has ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife really admires your mother's tattoos.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife's hairdo is higher than the doorframe.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife's hairdo is ruined by the ceiling fan.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife's job has her wear an orange vest.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife wears any camouflage lingerie.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if your wife would rather fish than shop.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you sell rabbits out of your car.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you share your beer with your dog.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you show your belt buckle when asked for I.D.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you skipped school in the 6th grade to vote.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you still owe money on your 8-track tape player.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you still think pro-wrestling is real.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you take a bath only once a week.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you take the kids to watch rabbits breed.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you tape pro-wrestling so you can watch later.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you think a hand saw is a musical instrument.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you think campho-phenique is a miracle drug.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you think Deliverance was a comedy.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you think Deliverance was a love story.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you think Ernest P. Worrel is funny.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you think God looks like Hank Williams, Jr.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you think paprika is a third-world country.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you think Slim Fast is Reba McEntire's drummer.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you tried to take a fishing pole into Sea World.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you use a bed sheet as a sofa cover.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you use a farm tractor to mow your yard.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you use aluminum foil in place of curtains.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you use an oily rag for a gas-cap.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you use your mailbox to hold up the clothesline.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've been accused of lying through your tooth.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've been arrested for an obscene mud-flap.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've been a snipe hunter more than once.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever BBQ'd Spam on the grill.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever BBQ'ed chitlins on the grill.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever been banished from a bowling alley.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever bought a used baseball cap.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever Christmas shopped at a truck stop.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever eaten out of a minnow bucket.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever filled a deer tag on a golf course.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever given rat traps as gifts.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever heckled someone during a eulogy.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever hotwired a bulldozer.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever left Santa Claus an RC & a moon pie.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever made change in the offering plate.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever rolled your riding lawn mower.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever stolen toilet paper from rest areas.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever used a weed eater indoors.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever used lard in bed.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've hit a deer with your car....deliberately.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've named one of you kids after a good dog.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've taken toilet paper home from work.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you've vacationed in a rest area parking lot.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you voted Tammy Bakker as "Best Dressed Woman."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you want the national anthem to be "Free Bird."
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you wash your truck more often than your kids.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you wear a belt buckle weighing more than 3 lbs.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you wear clothes to church with sequins on them.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you were holding a beer in your wedding picture.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you were playing pool when your child was born.
%%
 -- You may be redneck...
if you wore a sequined tuxedo to your own wedding.
%%
You may be right. You may be crazy. Me, three.
%%
You may be Southern -- but you're no Comfort.
%%
You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a realist, he
is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
 -- Sydney Harris
%%
You may be the only person that knows just how special you are.
%%
You may borrow a book and read it too!
%%
You may break, you may shatter the vase if you will,
But the scent of the roses will hang round it still.
 -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
 -- Farewell! But whenever you welcome the Hour
%%
You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth.
 -- Nicklaus Wirth
%%
You may delay, but time will not.
 -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with
him.
 -- Ed Howe
%%
You may either win your peace or buy it; win it by resistance to evil;
buy it by compromise with evil.
 -- John Ruskin (1819-1900)
%%
You may find happiness at the bottom of an ordinary-looking bottle of beer.
 You must be over the age of 21, enter as often as you want.  If you win a
 hangover instead, congratulations!  God hates you.
%%
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.
%%
You may fire when ready, Gridley.
%%
You may forget the one with whom you have laughed, but never the one
with whom you have wept.
 -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
You may get an opportunity for advancement today.  Watch it!
%%
You may get the Government off the backs of the people, but they
will soon demand to be remounted.
 -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
You may give a man an office, but you cannot give him discretion.
 -- Poor Richard
%%
You may glory in a team triumphant, but you fall in love with a team in
defeat.
 -- _The Boys of Summer_
%%
You may have a fresh start any moment you choose,
for this that we call 'failure' is not the
falling down, but the staying down.
 -- Mary Pickford
%%
You may have an account here only if you are a moron.
People who work are not welcome.
%%
You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
 -- Alfred Kahn
%%
You may have mail.
%%
You may have the right to go from the traffic signal, but
 if they other driver is in a Peterbuilt truck, it may be judicious not to
 press your right too far.
 -- Confucius Says
%%
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
 -- Margaret Thatcher
%%
You may know what you need but to get what you want you better see
that you keep what you have.
 -- Into the Woods
%%
You may know where the market is going, but you can't
possibly know where it's going after that.
 -- Heisenberg Principle of Investment
%%
You may my glories and my state dispose,
But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
%%
You may not be able to change the whole world, but at least you can
embarrass the guilty.
 -- Katha Pollitt
%%
You may not be responsible for falling down, but you are for getting back up.
%%
You may not, cannot, appropriate beauty.
It is the wealth of the eye, and a cat may gaze upon the king.
 -- Theodore Parker
%%
You may now consider yourself a "Seasoned Adventurer".
%%
You may now log in to life.
Password:
%%
You may proceed after you finish reading this tagline.
%%
You may recognize me from the movies ... I go a few times a week.
 -- Wayne Federman
%%
>You may redistribute this article only to those who may freely do likewise.
>Chip Salzenberg at A T Engineering;  <chip@ateng.com> or <uunet!ateng!chip>

Thanks.  I think I'll just flush it.
 -- Dale C. Cook, cook@pinocchio.Encore.COM
%%
You may relish him more in the soldier than in the scholar.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
You may run short of hardware, but you'll never run short of hardware
salespeople.
 -- Weinberg's Programming Principle #9
%%
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
Maybe someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one.
 -- John Lennon
%%
You may say that life sucks, but compared to what?
%%
You may see me, fat and shining, with well-cared-for hide,... a hog
from Epicurus's herd.
 -- Horace (65-8 BC)
 -- Satires, 4, 15
%%
You may see me tonight with an illegal smile. It don't cost very much,
 but it lasts a long while.    Won't you please tell the man I didn't
 hurt anyone.  No, I'm just trying to have me some fun.
 -- John Prine
%%
You may smoke. You may also burst into flames and die.
%%
You may steal THIS tag, but you can't get my whole file!
%%
"You may take the most gallant sailor, the most intrepid airman, or the most
audacious soldier, put them at a table together--what do you get?  THE SUM OF
THEIR FEARS."
 -- Sir Winston Churchill
%%
You may think that Americans have lost their competitive spirit, but watch
 what happens when a new line is opened at the check-out lane at K-Mart!
 Competition never had a better day or a finer demonstration.
%%
You may think you're smart, Pierce, but you're STUPID!   But, you've met your
 match in ME!
 -- Col. Flagg
%%
You may turn into an archangel, a fool, or a criminal -- no one will see
it.  But when a button is missing, everyone sees that.
 -- Erich M. Remarque
%%
You may use this opinion for a two week trial period.
%%
You may wish to think of animals as dumb, but they don't hire lawyers and
 they don't have doctors, and what is even more telling, they don't pay
 taxes!
%%
You mean 2 + 2 ISN'T 5!?!
%%
You mean Barney ISN'T a demon?
%%
You meaner beauties of the night,
  That poorly satisfy our eyes
More by your number than your light;
  You common people of the skies,--
  What are you when the moon
 -- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
 -- On his Mistress, the Queen of Bohemia
%%
You mean everything above the tagline ISN'T line noise?
%%
You mean FDISK doesn't stand for FULL DISK BACKUP????!!
%%
You mean I can put stuff past column 72? WOW! UNIX is great!
%%
You mean I can send mail to myself?
%%
You mean I have to take classes?! But I just came here for the beer.
%%
You mean I'm supposed to know what the heck I'm saying?
%%
You mean *I'M* teaching the camping merit badge?
%%
You mean *I'M* teaching the hiking merit badge?
%%
You mean *I'M* teaching the lifesaving merit badge?
%%
You mean *I'M* teaching the orienteering merit badge?
%%
You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR
 th' distinction between FANTASY and REALITY?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
You mean there are BBS's that AREN'T run by drunks?
%%
You mean they acually rehearse? I thought they just got drunk, put
  on a silly hat and trusted to luck.
 -- Edmund to Mrs Miggins : Sense and Senility
%%
You mean Virtual Memory has to actually exist?!?
%%
You mean, we have ANOTHER modem to feed?
%%
You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
You mean you took a *shotgun* to a UFO sighting?
%%
You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for
success.  You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits
or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume
party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.
 -- Dave Barry, How to Dress for Real Success
%%
You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond
the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason,
and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.
 -- Sherlock Holmes, "The Norwood Builder"
%%
You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.
 -- James Thurber
%%
You might cut yourself on a long sword.
%%
You might have mail.
%%
You might not count in the New Order.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
You might say that senators who join a filibuster in the U.S. Senate throw
their wait around.
%%
You might use as separate categories.
%%
You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.
 -- Wayne Gretzky
%%
You mistake motion for growth and are lured into vexing situations.
%%
You misunderstood. Bush ACTUALLY said 'No nude Texans.'
%%
You must accept the truth from whatever source it comes.
 -- Maimonides
%%
You must be careful about giving any drink whatsoever to a bore. A lit-up
 bore is the worst in the world.
 -- David Cecil
%%
You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.
%%
You MUST be kidding!
%%
You must believe in free-will; there is no choice.
 -- Isaac Singer
%%
You must be patient for a little while.
%%
You must be present to win.
%%
You must carry your struggle to the camp of your foe, and leave his severed
head pulsating on the floor before his accolades
 -- Sun Tsu
%%
You must do the things you think you cannot do.
%%
You must either master politics or be mastered by those that do.
%%
You must first get along with yourself before you can get along with others.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
You must grow like a tree, not like a mushroom.
 -- Janet Erskine Stewart
%%
You must have a big brain to contain so much ignorance, Bob.
%%
You must have an alibi to show why you lost. If you haven't one, you must
 fake one. Your selfconfidence must be maintained.
 -- Christy Mathewson
%%
You must have an IQ of at least half a million.
 -- Popeye
%%
You must have been warned about letting the golden hours slip by; but
some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.
 -- James M. Barrie
%%
You must include all income you receive in the form of money, property and
services if it is not specifically exempt.  Report property (goods) and
services at their fair market values.  Examples include income from bartering
or swapping transactions, side commissions, kickbacks, rent paid in services,
illegal activities (such as stealing, drugs, etc.), cash skimming by
proprietors and tradesmen, "moonlighting" services, gambling, prizes and
awards.  Not reporting such income can lead to prosecution for perjury and
fraud.
 -- Excerpt from Taxachussettes income tax forms
%%
You must know I missed you.  I'll shoot again.
%%
You must know your limits to break through them.
%%
You must learn to run your kayak by a sort of ju-jitsu.  You must learn to
tell what the river will do to you, and given those parameters see how you
can live with it.  You must absorb its force and convert it to your users
as best you can.  Even with the quickness and agility of a kayak, you are
not faster than the river, nor stronger, and you can beat it only by
understanding it.
 -- Strung, Curtis and Perry, _Whitewater_
%%
You must learn to sleep faster.
%%
You must look into people, as well as at them.
 -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
You must lose a fly to catch a trout.
 -- George Herbert
%%
You must not forget what happens here today. You must not let your
  children forget.
 -- Picard to Kurn, "Sins of the Father", stardate 43685.2
%%
You mustn't do that to me, sir, because that...is a borgeious act
  of repression, sir.
.....What?
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Major Star
%%
You must pee every time you see a sign "W E T   F L O O R"
%%
You must play poker, Commander.
Poker? That a game of some sort?
 -- Dr. Mendoza and Riker, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
You must realize that the computer has it in for you. The irrefutable
 proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.
%%
You must remember that he is operating on a completely different level
to us now.  To him, we are the mental equivalent of domestic science
teachers.
 -- Kryten, describing Rimmer with mind implants
                  in Red Dwarf 'Holoship'
%%
You must take the will for the deed.
 -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
 -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii
%%
You must wake and call me early, call me early, mother dear;
To-morrow 'll be the happiest time of all the glad New Year,--
Of all the glad New Year, mother, the maddest, merriest day;
For I 'm to be Queen o' the May, mother, I 'm to be queen o' the May.
 -- Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
 -- The May Queen
%%
You must wear your rue with a difference. There 's a daisy; I would
give you some violets, but they withered.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet
 -- Act iv, Sc. 5
%%
You need a bigger hammer.
 -- Paul's Second Law
%%
You need a hug.
%%
You need a prescription for a mind-altering drug that hasn't been invented yet.
%%
You need hard data.
%%
You need more time; and you probably always will.
%%
You need not hang up the ivy-branch over the wine that will sell.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 968
%%
You need not worry about your future.
%%
You need not worry about your future...you have none.
%%
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the
very phrases which our founding fathers used in their struggle for
independence.
 -- Charles Austin Beard, American Historian, 1874-1948
%%
You need professional help. May I suggest Dr. J. Kevorkian
%%
"You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape."
 -- Ellyn Mustard
%%
You need to acquire a little subtlety.
%%
You need to lose weight.
%%
You need to relax, Dax. Take a chill pill, trill!
%%
You never act da way ya should & I like it
%%
You never assume anything where Lwaxana Troi is concerned. Betazoid
  women are full of surprises.
 -- Lwaxana Troi, "Man Hunt", stardate 42859.2
%%
You never can factor in enough debugging time.
%%
You never catch on until after the test.
 -- Natalie's Law of Schoolwork
%%
You never find a lost article until you replace it.
%%
You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
%%
You never forget how to fuck. Unless you're really, _really_ stupid.
 -- Frank Zappa
%%
You never gain something but that you lose something.
 -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
You never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with him.
 -- Lou Holtz
%%
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
%%
You never go anywhere without your soul.
%%
You never have mail.
%%
You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of a
prescription.
%%
You never have to change anything
you got up in the middle of the night to write.
 -- Saul Bellow
%%
You never have to outrun anything you can outwit.
%%
You never have to promise to respect a Beer in the morning.
%%
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
%%
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. Unfortunately you
rarely knock them down.
%%
You never know how many friends you have until
 you rent a house on the beach.
%%
You never know what you know!
%%
You never know when you're making a memory.
 -- Rickie Lee Jones
%%
You never know where bottom is until you plumb for it.
 -- Frederick Laing
%%
You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge.
 -- Whistler's Law
%%
You never learned anything by doing it right.
%%
You never need a semicolon before an 'end'.
%%
You never really know a man until you've divorced him.
 -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
 -- Grandpa Charnock's Law
%%
Young Adam Cupid, he that shot so trim,
When King Cophetua loved the beggar maid!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet
 -- Act ii, Sc. 1
%%
Young blood must have its course, lad, and every dog its day.
 -- Charles Kingsley
%%
Young farmer with 100 acres would be pleased to hear from young lady with
 tractor.  Please send photograph of tractor.
%%
Young fellows will be young fellows.
 -- Isaac Bickerstaff (1735-1787)
 -- Love in a Village, Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn.
%%
Young in limbs, in judgment old.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act ii, Sc. 7
%%
Young man, never be a solemn ass.
 -- Tom Wicker (from Jonathan Daniels)
%%
Young Man:  Why do philosophers ask so many questions?
 Old Philosopher:  Why shouldn't philosophers ask so many questions?
%%
Young men are fitter to invent than to judge; fitter for execution
than for counsel; and fitter for new projects than for settled business.
For the experience of age, in things that fall within the compass of it,
directeth them; but in new things, abuseth them.  The errors of young men
are the ruin of business; but the errors of aged men amount but to this,
that more might have been done, or sooner.  Young men, in the conduct and
management of actions, embrace more than they can hold; stir more than they
can quiet; fly to the end, without consideration of the means and degrees;
pursue some few principles which they have chanced upon absurdly; care not
how they innovate, which draws unknown inconveniences; and, that which doubleth
all errors, will not acknowledge or retract them; like an unready horse, that
will neither stop nor turn.  Men of age object too much, consult too long,
adventure too little, repent too soon, and seldom drive business home to the
full period, but content themselves with a mediocrity of success.  Certainly,
it is good to compound employments of both ... because the virtues of either
age may correct the defects of both.
 -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626), "Essay on Youth and Age"
%%
"Young men," said Caesar, "hear an old man to whom old men hearkened
when he was young."
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Caesar Augustus
%%
Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
 -- George Chapman (1557-1634)
 -- All Fools, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
Young men want to be faithful and are not;
old men want to be faithless and cannot.
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Young programmers are the best! [and the cockiest]
%%
young sony worker
innocent hands build walkman
tears run down faces
 -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS
%%
You n Me and a Borg named Hugh, living & assimilating .
%%
You non-conformists are all alike.
 -- SLR
%%
You no push button I push button Baby Plucky.
%%
You no sooner get your head above water
but what someone pulls your flippers off.
 -- Stock's Observation
%%
You now have Asian Flu.
%%
You obviously had too much to drink again last night!
%%
You obviously mistook me for someone who knows.
%%
You octopus this thread to bed, sea?
%%
You offend Shai-Hulud by sheathing your crysknife without having
 drawn blood.
%%
You once spent an afternoon on the Samaritan switchboard and 4 people
committed suicide!
 -- Lister, trying to persuade Rimmer that he knows him.
                  in Red Dwarf 'Inquisitor'
%%
You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything
away from them.  But when you've robbed a man of everything, he's
no longer in your power - he's free again.
 -- A. Solzhenitsyn
%%
You only killed the bride's father, that's all!
%%
You only live once, but hey, who's counting?
%%
You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough.
 -- Adam Marshall
%%
You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes.  I would rather it were
you.  I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare
yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the
company.
 -- J. Wellington Wells
%%
You oughta trim that little hair in your nose. You're gonna sneeze and flog
 yourself to death.
 -- Herb Eden
%%
      You oughtn't yield to temptation.
        Well, somebody must, or the thing becomes absurd!
 -- Anthony Hope
%%
"You ought to be a doctor," he said to Turner, "as you always
 want people to do what they don't want to."
 -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
 -- 28 November 1900, two days before his death,
 -- when he was already rather ill. Not very dramatic though.
%%
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
%%
You ought to go to Hollywood. The walk would do you good.
 -- Archie Campbell
%%
You ought to take the bull between the legs.
%%
You ought to take the bull between the teeth.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
%%
You own your own body, but you can share.
%%
You paid cover to get in here. HA!
%%
You pass go, collect $200.00
%%
You pathetic jugglers never lowered yourselves to developing the software.
 You should have paid a little more attention to R & D.
 -- Cyberpunk comics
%%
You pathetic, puny, puking, putrid puddle of poodle piss!
%%
You people are always generalizing!
%%
YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
%%
You play the way you practice.
 -- Pop Warner
%%
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
%%
You possess an unhealthy diversity of interests.
%%
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
%%
You pretend to be more eccentric than you actually are because you
worry you are an interchangeable cog.
%%
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you
 could know how seldom they do.
 -- Olin Miller
%%
You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit
 and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car.
 -- Harvey Diamond
%%
You put a couple cockroach heads on toothpicks next to that and it'll
 definitely keep the bugs away.
 -- Karl suggests a use for a really bad photo of... Karl
%%
You put the whole project in jeopardy!  I wanted to be on Wheel of Fortune!
%%
You put your left index finger on your eye and your right index finger on
 the [Camembert].... If they sort of feel the same, the cheese is ready.
 -- M. Taittinger
%%
Your $500,000 is in the mail. (Wait 14 days)
%%
Your aim is high and to the right.
%%
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
%%
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much damage.
%%
Your aims are high, and you are incapable of much.
%%
Your ambition, is that right - to abseil across the Channel?
%%
Your ambushes would be more successful if you bathed more often.
 -- Worf to the Gatherers, "The Vengeance Factor", stardate 43421.9
%%
Your America is doing many things in the economic field which we
 found out caused us so much trouble. You are trying to control
 people's lives.  And no country can do that part way.  I tried it
 and failed.  Nor can any country do it all the way either.  I tried
 that, too, and it failed.
 -- Herman Goering, Nazi minister, 1946
 -- "Healing Our World", Dr. Mary Ruwart, 1992
%%
Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.  Don't believe a
 thing he tells you.
%%
Your archaic cultures are authority driven.
 -- The Borg, "The Best of Both Worlds," stardate 43989.1
%%
Your are courteous, diplomatic and affable and may find happiness
in politics and public service.
%%
You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
 -- Women vs. Beer
%%
Your are the guiding star of his existence.
%%
Your arrival on the planet has caused considerable excitement.  It has already
been hailed, so I gather, as the third most improbable event in the history
of the Universe.
 -- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Your ATTENTION please!....Elvis has left the echo.
%%
Your attitude determines your attitude.
 -- Zig Ziglar, self-improvement doofus
%%
Your attitude, not your aptitude, determines your altitude in life.
 -- Carol
%%
Your availability is your greatest asset.
%%
    Your average ghost is a much more complex and interesting individual than
is generally imagined. Just because someone is dragging chains or has one's
head perpetually in flames does not necessarily make them of a lesser class.
Some ghosts, especially those with heads attached and mouths to speak through,
are actually quite good conversationalists, with other-worldly stories by the
score. In addition, ghosts generally subscribe to the happy custom of
disappearing completely at dawn, a habit many living associates and relatives
might do well to cultivate.
 -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. VI (Appendix B)
%%
Your average mind numbing, brain-blowing experience.
%%
Your baby and I will see you in Hell!
 -- Nadine.
%%
Your beer will always wait in the car while you play football.
%%
Your best consolation is the hope that the things
you failed to get weren't really worth having.
%%
   Your best dreams may not come true;
   fortunately, neither will your worst dreams.
 -- Newman's Discovery
%%
Your best friend is a social worker.
%%
Your bits are MINE, loser!  I will zero them SLOWLY!
%%
Your bivouac for the night is the spot where got tired of marching
    that day.
 -- Murphy's Military Laws, #60
%%
Your bootsector is being destroyed!
%%
Your boots shine splendidly, in contrast to your intellect.
%%
Your boss is thinking about you.
%%
Your bottle is already full.
%%
Your bottle is empty and the ground is wet.
%%
Your bottle is now full of oil.
%%
Your bottle is now full of water.
%%
Your brain "C:\>" your brain on drugs "C:\WINDOWS<"
%%
Your brain -<*<-  Your brain if you vote Conservative -<.<-
%%
Your breath and my socks, what a pair!
%%
Your breath comes straight from Satan's bottom, Baldrick.
 -- Edmund : Beer
%%
Your buckets being kicked, baby!
%%
Your business will assume vast proportions.
%%
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
%%
Your butt is mine.
 -- Michael Jackson, Bad
%%
Your Carpet or Mine?
%%
Your cart just ran over my dogma.
%%
Your cat is in great need of being confused.
%%
Your cat may have 9 lives, but my frog croaks daily...
%%
Your cat's missing?  Have you checked my bumper?
%%
Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS --
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Your Choice:  Be a Limbaugh fan or learn to think for yourself.
%%
Your clothes conceal much of your beauty, yet they hide not the
unbeautiful. And though you seek in garments the freedom of privacy, you
may find in them a harness and a drain. Would that you could meet the sun
and the wind with more of your body and less of your raiment.
 -- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
%%
Your code should be more efficient!
%%
Your code will not compile cleanly as written.
%%
Your complete and thorough diagnostician is one who can put one finger in
 the throat and one in the rectum simultaneously.
%%
Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please re-authorize.
%%
Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please see Big Brother.
%%
Your computer does WHAT????!!!
%%
Your conscience never stops you from doing anything.
It just stops you from enjoying it.
%%
Your continued support of me is appreaciated.
%%
Your couch or mine??
%%
Your CRT is 2 loud. Turn it down!
%%
Your cup will runneth over with love. Everything will get wet!
%%
Your data is your business. When you can't afford to be wrong, you
 put it on a mainframe.
 -- Nick Donofrio
%%
Your death wasn't accepted in the computer records,   please check in to
 clarify the matter.
%%
Your dedication and tireless work on the hostage thing, with Central
America, really gave me cause for great pride in you and thanks.  Get
some turkey, George Bush.
 -- A thanksgiving letter to Oliver North, 1985
%%
Your dentist will buy a yacht.
%%
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
%%
Your descendants shall gather your fruits.
 Virgil
%%
Your development gets rotten if you take too long to market it.
 -- Hitoshi Aoike, JVC Ltd., Tokyo
%%
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes
 on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists
 and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and
 not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a
 useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.
 We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is
 second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little
 scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds
 if we felt like it.
 -- Dave Barry
 -- Stay Fit & Healthy Until You're Dead
%%
Your disability is your opportunity.
 -- Kurt Hahn, Founder of Outward Bound
%%
Your disinformation is exceeded only by your imagination.
%%
Your disk will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
%%
Your dog finds you repulsive.
%%
Your dog is aging faster than you are.
%%
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
%%
Your duty is, as ferre as I can gesse.
 -- Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400)
 -- The Court of Love, Line 178
%%
You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!
 -- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
%%
You're a better man than I, Rin Tin Tin.
%%
You're about as funny as a beer fart in a space suit.
%%
You're about as subtle as an axe between the eyes.
%%
You're about as subtle as a tank.
%%
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
%%
You're a creature of the night, Michael.   Wait'll Mom hears about this.
 -- from the movie The Lost Boys
%%
You reacted fast, Lieutenant.
But futilely.
I will learn to do better, sir.
 -- Riker, Picard, Worf, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
You read that book I gave you?
What book?
Diuretics, the science of matter over mind.
%%
You're a Few Fries Short of a Happy Meal!
%%
You're a funny guy! - Goodfellas
%%
You're a glutton for punishment? :)
%%
You're a heart of dead tomato washed with moldy purple spots, Mr Grinch.
%%
You're a horrible monster trapped in a human body.
%%
You're a jerk, Dent.  A complete kneebiter.
%%
You're a lapsed atheist, dear.
%%
You realize how short a month when you pay alimony.
%%
 You realize she's talking about our hamburgers here.
 -- Anonymous sixth grader during talk by animal
     right's activist; Newsweek, May 23, 1988
%%
You're all a bunch of wimps!!  I'll prove to you myself that an entire
 orc stronghold is no match for your average barbarian.
%%
You're all clear now, kid.
Now blow this thing so we can all go home.
 -- Han Solo
%%
You're all insane and trying to steal my magic bag.
%%
You're all sail and no anchor.
%%
You really are getting older if you can remember when the band could play
 on, even during a power outage.
%%
You really can't believe anyone but yourself, and don't push that too far!
%%
You really have to be careful of politicians who have no further ambitions:
 they may run for the presidency.
 -- Harry S. Truman
%%
You really know you have gotten a good and just revenge whe your prey makes
useless hand motions before being plowed under by the steamroller of destiny!
 -- From the tales of dale turbo
%%
You really never lose until you stop trying.
 -- Mike Ditka
%%
You really piss me off.
%%
You really want to be discouraged? Than wait till you find out that your
 bathroom scales is correct!
%%
You really want to talk to Tammy Faye Bakker? Dial 1-800-MAS CARA.
%%
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
%%
You're a load that should've been swallowed!
%%
You're already a monk, try the libido instead.
 -- Steve Swann
%%
You're always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare.
 -- Law of the Kitchen
%%
You're always seated by a crying child during long flights.
%%
You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different...
 -- Woody Allen, "Manhattan"
%%
You're a man obsessed with what he does. Who knows what an obsessed
  man would do to keep going? Kill perhaps?
I CREATE life! I don't take it!
 -- Picard and Kurt Mandl, "Home Soil", stardate 41463.9
%%
YOU'RE A MEAN ONE MR. GRINCH!
%%
You're a much nicer person than I am, so I'm sure
you'll forgive the vicious things I've been saying about you
%%
You're an actor, are you?  Well, all that means is:  you are irresponsible,
irrational, romantic, and incapable of handling an adult emotion or a
universal concept without first reducing it to something personal, material,
sensational -- and probably sexual!
 -- George Herman, _A Company of Wayward Saints_
%%
You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire
was a figure of speech.
 -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
You're a one, aren't you! When you should be whispering sweet
  conversational nothings like 'Gosh! Something twice the size of the
  Royal Barge has just hoved into view between the sheets', you don't
  say a word. But enter the Creature from the Black Latrine and you
  don't stop yabbering...
 -- Edmund to Molly : Money
%%
You're a sad, laughable figure, aren't you, Percy?
 -- Edmund : Head
%%
You're as confused as a baby at a topless bar.
%%
You're as goofy as a duck on ether.
 -- David Letterman
%%
You're a sheep in sheep's clothing.
%%
You're as much use as a condom machine at the Vatican.
 -- Rimmer to Holly in Red Dwarf 'Queeg'
%%
You're at a level where you can only afford one mistake. The higher up you
 go, the more mistakes you're allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough
 of them, it's considered to be your style.
 -- Fred Astaire (to Jack Lemmon)
%%
You're at breath-taking view.
%%
You're at complex junction.
%%
You're at fork in path.
%%
You're at junction with warm walls.
%%
You're at slit in streambed.
%%
You're at the edge of the crack.
%%
You're at the entrance to the 7 Sacred Pools.
%%
You're at the office, behind your desk, bored, bent, broken. It's a beautiful
day outside. You want to go hiking. You close your eyes. You concentrate and
BLAM! Your head blows up. They have to send you home. You can't sit around
answering phones all day -- you have no head. You'd just be holding the
phone up where your head used to be -- waving it above your neck -- people on
the other end of the line going, "Hello? Hello? Must be one of those headless
people. They shouldn't even have jobs."
 -- Denis Leary
%%
You're at top of small pit.
%%
You're at top of stalactite.
%%
You're at "Y2".
%%
You're a very strong woman... Though this would be a traumatic experience
that you would never forget, I think that you would be very successful in
life.
 -- Senator Dan Quayle telling an 11-year-old girl
                   why he would want her to have the baby if she were raped by
                   her father, 10/18/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
%%
You're a very welcome addition to my QWK mail packet.
%%
You're aware the boy failed my grade school math class, I take it?  And
not that many years later he's teaching college.  Now I ask you:  Is that
the sorriest indictment of the American educational system you ever
heard?  [pauses to light cigarette.]  No aptitude at all for long division,
but never mind.  It's him they ask to split the atom.  How he talked his
way into the Nobel prize is beyond me.  But then, I suppose it's like the
man says, It's not what you know...
 -- Karl Arbeiter: former teacher of Albert Einstein
%%
You're awfully picky for someone from the twilight zone
%%
You're becoming popular around here.
%%
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
%%
You're below the grate.
%%
You rebel *scum*.
 -- Another Imperial commander with ambition - (Star Wars)
%%
You're born single, profit from the experience
%%
You're born with intelligence, but not with ethics.
 -- Massad Ayoob
%%
You're built like a car, you've got a hubcap diamond star halo, you're
 built like a truck, oh my.
 -- M. Bolan
%%
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
%%
You're concerned about abuse of computer data bases?
This isn't going to look good on your record...
%%
You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
%%
... You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

But that's not *fair*!

Of course it's not fair. We're *evil*. Look it up.
%%
You're damn right I know where I am.  I'm in Madison Square Garden
getting beat up!
 -- Boxer Willie Pastrano to a concerned referee from the mat.
%%
You're dead in this town, fella.
%%
You're dead, Jim.
 -- McCoy, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7
%%
You're definitely on their list.
The question to ask next is what list it is.
%%
You're dithpicable
 -- Daffy Duck
%%
You're driving me to nervous prostitution!
%%
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
%%
You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.
 -- Eldridge Cleaver, 1968
%%
You're enjoying this WAY too much, Bob!!!.
%%
You're entitled to your opinion. Wrong - but entitled.
%%
You're Extremely Weird, Sir
 -- Marcie, Peanuts.
%%
You refer to me as idiot, not you captain!  Er, I mean..
%%
You're five?  Hell, when I was your age, I was six!
%%
"You're from *Cyberspace*?"
 "No I'm from Sheffield, I only *work* in Cyberspace"
%%
You're from the planet Earth.  There is no persecution on your
planet.
There was persecution on Earth once; I remember reading about it in my
history class.
 -- Lokai of Cheron and Chekov,
   "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield," stardate 5730.2
%%
You're genuinely bogus.
%%
You're getting old when you stop to think and forget to start again.
%%
You're getting so big I need double vision to take you in.
 -- Peter De Vries
%%
You're going into the morgue at midnight????
%%
You're going to get what's coming to you.
%%
You're gonna hurt all three of my feelings!
%%
 You're gonna look pretty funny trying to eat corn on the cob with NO
FUCKIN TEETH.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
You're gonna lose some ballgames and you're gonna win some ballgames and
 that's about it.
 -- Sparky Anderson
%%
Your ego's writing a check your body can't cash.
%%
You're growing out of some of your problems,
but there are others that you're growing into.
%%
 You're growing tired.  Your eyelids are getting heavy.  You feel
 very sleepy now.  You are gradually losing your willpower and
 your ability to resist suggestions.  When you hear the tone you
 will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a
 message.
 -- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
%%
You're guilty as hell. You haven't got a chance.
Why thankyou Darling. And I hope your mother dies in a freak yachting
  accident.
 -- Cpt. Darling and Edmund : Corporal Punishment
%%
You're having a group hallucination.
%%
You're here from the Government to help me?  BOOM!!!
%%
You're in a boat in the middle of the reservoir.
%%
You're in a good mood, what's the catch
%%
You're in alcove.
%%
You're in a long comforting hallway.
%%
You're in an alcove next to the second pool.
%%
You're in anteroom.
%%
You're in arched hall.
%%
You're in cavern with waterfall.
%%
You're in chamber of boulders.
%%
You're in cobble crawl.
%%
You're in corridor.
%%
You're in dirty passage.
%%
You're in dusty rock room.
%%
You're in front of barren room.
%%
You're in hall of mists.
%%
You're in Kazak's chamber.
%%
You're in limestone passage.
%%
You're in misty cavern.
%%
You're in nugget of gold room.
%%
You're in singing water room.
%%
You're in sloping corridor.
%%
You're in swiss cheese room.
%%
   You're In The Army Now
A location in a foreign land, / Uncle Sam does the best he can. / You're in
the army now. / Oh oh, you're in the army, now.
Now you remember what the draft-man said: / "Nothing to do all day but stay in
bed." / You're in the army now. / Oh oh, you're in the army, now.
You'll be the hero of the neighborhood, / Nobody knows that you left for good.
/ You're in the army now. / Oh oh, you're in the army, now.
Smiling faces as you wait to land, / But once you get there no one gives a
damn. / You're in the army now. / Oh oh, you're in the army, now.
Handgranades flying over, your head drums, / Missiles flying over your head, /
If you want to survive, get out of bed! / You're in the army now. / Oh oh,
you're in the army, now.
Shots ring out in the dead of night, / The sergeant calls "Stand up and
fight!" / You're in the army now. / Oh oh, you're in the army, now.
You're in the army now. / Oh oh, you're in the army, now.
You've got your orders: better shoot / On site, the fingers on the trigger. /
But it don't seem right. / You're in the army now. / Oh oh, you're in the
army, now. / You're in the army now.
Night is falling and you just can't see. / Is this illusion or reality? /
You're in the army now. / Oh oh, you're in the army, now. / In the army,
now...
 -- Status Quo
%%
You're in the banquet hall.
%%
You're in the boat at the south end of the reservoir.
%%
You're in the chamber of the East Wind. There is a sign here that
reads reads "Danger Strong Wind"
%%
You're in the dark suck room.
%%
You're in the elves prison.
%%
You're in the fifth pool.
%%
You're in the folk lore room.
%%
You're in the golden hallway.
%%
You're in the home of the large mole named Murdoc. Passages
lead lead off in all directions. But the only way in is by following
Murdoc.
%%
You're in the king's chambers.
%%
You're in the kitchen.
%%
You're in the Necromancer's prison.
%%
You're in the Necromancer's prison. No-one has ever escaped from here
alive. alive. You have been put in the highest tower and the door shut.
Good Good luck, you'll need it.
%%
You're in the room with the 'pleasure' sign.
%%
You're in the round table room.
%%
You're in the seventh pool.
%%
You're in the sixth pool.
%%
You're in the spacious palace of the Elven King.
%%
You're in the west Wind passage. The Wind is blowing so hard that you
can can not continue.
%%
You're in valley.
%%
You're in west windy passage.
%%
You're joking... right?
 -- C Error #003
%%
You're just being sesquipedalian..
%%
"You're just the sort of person I imagined marrying, when I was little...
..except, y'know, not green...
...and without all the patches of fungus."
 -- Swamp Thing
%%
You're LATE and your boss knows it!!!
%%
You're like a scoop of ice cream sitting on top of a cherry pie.
%%
You're listening to KPLA, Klingon radio: All glory, all the time!
%%
You're living a fool's paradise, Mrs. Bueller.
 -- Ed Rooney
%%
Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
%%
You're mighty brave in Cyberspace, flame boy...
%%
You remind me of my brother Bosco--only he had a human head.
 -- Judy Tenuta
%%
Your emotional ties aren't color coordinated with your suits.
%%
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
%%
... you're my best friend.   I don't have to be nice to you.
Besides, everybody knows I'm a jerk.
 -- Wally West (the new Flash)
%%
You're my hero!
%%
You're needed; you mustn't die!
 -- Nyssa
%%
Your enemies are closing in.
%%
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may
offer a way to make him your friend.  If not, you can kill him without hate -
and quickly.
 -- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
%%
You're never alone if you're a sex maniac.
%%
You're never a loser until you quit trying.
%%
You're never dead till you're out of quarters.
%%
You're never disappointed in an x-rated movie. You don't say, "Gee, I never
 thought it would end that way."
 -- Richard Jeni
%%
You're never too old to become younger.
 -- Mae West
%%
You're never too old to have a fun childhood.
%%
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
%%
You're not a person until you cat takes advantage of you.
%%
You're not a real person until you're ignored by a cat.
%%
You're not as real as you think.
%%
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
 -- Dean Martin
%%
You'renotdrunkifyoudon'tsteponyourhandwalkingtoyourdoor.
%%
You're not getting older, you're getting bitter
%%
You're not going crazy; you're going sane in a crazy world!
 -- The Tick
%%
You're not going into a song while I'm here!
%%
You're not gonna believe this. I saw a murder. I got there five minutes
 after it happened. Apparently, from what I saw, the body fell onto a chalk
 line exactly the same shape.
 -- Howie Mandel
%%
You're not *hearing* Jimmi -- paraphrase (not an exact quote -- I have a lous
y memory) from White Men Can't Jump
%%
You're not in Otara now, Rector Gopata
%%
You're not losing more hair, you're gaining more scalp.
%%
You're not making any sense!
%%
You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!
%%
You're not old, You're chronologically disadvantaged
%%
You're not right. You just SOUND right.
%%
You're not stuck in the traffic jam, you ARE the traffic jam!
%%
You're not the first to have a mind,
but you are the first to use it to your advantage.
 -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
%%
You're not the only one who's made mistakes, but they're the only
things that you can truly call your own.
 -- Billy Joel, You're Only Human (Second Wind)
%%
You're not the only one who thinks I don't know what I'm doing.
%%
You're now about to witness the strength of street knowledge.
%%
Your entire race is crazy.
 -- Chiun to Remo
%%
You're obviously on your last lap around the gene pool.
%%
"You're okay," said Honeysuckle.  "The dogs like you."
 -- Charles Bukowski, "How to Get Published"
%%
"...You're old enough to be her grandfather."
"I'm just as human as the next man."
"I WAS the next man!"
 -- Henry and Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
%%
You're old when you forget how to start your rocking chair.
%%
You're on east bank of fissure.
%%
You're one to tell me what I can and can't sense.
 -- Troi
%%
You're only as old as the girls you feel..
%%
You're only as old as you feel... the next day.
%%
You're only as old as your comic collection.
 -- Dan Thorsland
%%
You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure
 to smell the flowers along the way.
 -- Walter Hagen
%%
You're only young once--after that you need another excuse.
%%
You're on report, Ensign.  My quarters, 1900 hrs.
 -- Riker
%%
You're on SW side of chasm.
%%
You're on the east side of the falls.
%%
You're on the west side of the falls.
%%
You 're our enemy; lead the way, and we 'll precede.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- The Rivals, Act v, Sc. 1
%%
You're outmanned, you're outgunned, you're outequipped. What else have
  you got?
Guile.
 -- Riker and Worf, "Peak Performance", stardate 42923.4
%%
You're outside grate.
%%
You're over-watered the cactus!!  It's shriveling up!  It's, it's...
%%
You're PC if you think a "chick" is a baby bird.
%%
You're perfectly safe...
Hoorah!!
...Until six o'clock tonight.
Hooroo.
 -- Edmund and George : Duel and Duality
%%
Your epidermis is showing!
%%
You're playing hockey with a warped puck.
%%
"You're pretty drunk aren't you Dave?"
 -- Hal 9000
%%
"You're pretty pissed, aren't you, Dave?"
 -- HAL 9000
%%
You're proof that abortions can survive.
%%
You're putting on your smiling face,
And you're dressing up with style and grace.
%%
You're really trolling the bottom, there's no net profit in this.
%%
You're reasoning is excellent--it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
%%
You're rock candy, baby: hard, sweet and sticky.
%%
You're sick for the first five months of pregnancy and
uncomfortable for the last five months, but the month in
between is alright.
%%
"You're smarter than you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates."
 -- Mr. Burns (Homer's boss) in "Homer's Odyssey",
   from The Simpsons
%%
You're so analytical ...
sometimes you just have to let art flow over you.
%%
You're so bad.
%%
You're so brave to expose all those popsicle toes.
%%
You're so cute when you're cynical
%%
You're so full of Bull that you can start a cattle ranch.
%%
You're so happy, it's bizarre.
%%
You're so out to lunch you make me hungry.
%%
You're so stolid. You weren't like that before the beard.
 -- Q to Riker, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
You're so stupid you can't read a Scrabble tile without moving your lips!
%%
You're so stupid you have to use a bookmark to read a bumpersticker.
%%
You're so stupid you think Word Perfect is another Bible translation.
%%
You're So Sweet: Mable Syrup
%%
You're so tight-assed, you can sit on a tack.
%%
You're so vain I bet you think this tagline's about you.
%%
You're so vain, you probably thought this tag is about you.
%%
You're special.
%%
You respect those superior to yourself and try to learn from them.
%%
You're standing where I want to pee.
%%
You restrain yourself from total silliness.
%%
You're suffering from a Vulcan mind meld Doctor.

That green-blooded sonuvabitch!  It's his revenge for all those arguments
he lost!
 -- Kirk & McCoy, "The Search for Spock," stardate 8210.3
%%
You're taking me to the promised land?"

What are friends for?"
 -- McCoy and Kirk, "ST III:
   The Search for Spock," stardate 8210.3
%%
You're the computer...YOU tell me where the file is!
%%
You're the greatest.
%%
        You're the lowest member of the food chain and you'll probably be
replaced by the rat.
 -- Caddyshack
%%
You're the reason my dog is pregnant, aren't you?!
%%
You're The Reason They Made A Passing Lane To Begin With!
%%
You're the security chief-shouldn't you be out securing something?
%%
You're the worst cook in the entire _world_. There are...amoeba on
  Saturn who could boil a better egg then you...
 -- Edmund to Baldrick : Captain Cook
%%
You're throwing out the baby to spite the bathwater.
%%
You're too beautiful to ignore.  Too much woman.
 -- Kirk to Yeoman Rand, "The Enemy Within", stardate unknown
%%
You're too fat in the first place, you know it's true. You're too fat in
 the second place too.
 -- Homer Haynes
%%
You're too unstable to understand yourself, much less calculus or other people.
%%
You're twisted, perverted and sick. I like that in a person.
%%
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
%%
You're under arrest for possession of a stolen tagline!
%%
You're unusually limber this morning.
"I'll say. Devinoni Rai. It's ridiculous and wonderful. I feel completely
  out of control. Happy, terrified, but there's nothing rational about
  this."
Who needs rational when your toes curl up.
"I'm afraid I'm going to lose myself. I can't get enough of him. Is it
  possible to fall in love in one day?"
I did.
"It was like this for you and Jack?"
No, it was another fella. I fell in love in a day, it lasted a week. But,
  what a week. Then I met Jack. Took months to figure it out with him.
"Well then, maybe I should slow down, catch my breath, not let this thing
  get out of control."
Nah.
 -- Dr. Crusher and Troi, "The Price", stardate 43385.6
%%
You're upset.
"Your finely honed Betazoid sense tell you that?"
Well...that and the table.
 -- Troi and K'Ehleyr, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
Your evil is my good.   I am Sutekh the Destroyer.  Where I tread
  I leave nothing but dust and darkness.  I find that good.
 -- Sutekh, PYRAMIDS OF MARS
%%
You're way ahead baby! Way ahead of EVERYONE.
%%
"YOU'RE WHAT!?"
 -- The most common form of marriage proposal
%%
You're working under a slight handicap.
You happen to be human.
%%
You're wrong. The Doctor is not weaponless.  He has the
greatest weapon of all--knowledge.
 -- Lady Camilla, State of Decay
%%
Your ex just called.  She's with the IRS now.
%%
Your experience curve raises when you experience more curves.
%%
Your eyes are so sharpe that you cannot onely looke through a Milstone,
but cleane through the minde.
 -- John Lyly (c. 1554-1606)
 -- Euphues and his England, Page 289
%%
Your eyes are weary from reading buttons. You are
sleepy. You agree with all my ideas. You cannot imagine why
you ever felt otherwise.
%%
Your Eyes Match Garbo's, Baby, I Wish They Matched Each Other.
 -- Henry Morgan
%%
Your eyes, your eyes, they shine like the pants on my blue serge suit.
That's not a reflection on you.  That's on my pants.
 -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Your face, my thane, is as a book where men
May read strange matters. To beguile the time,
Look like the time; bear welcome in your eye,
Your hand, your tongue: look like the innocent flower,
But be the serpent under 't.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth
 -- Act i, Sc. 5
%%
Your facial expression is the most important thing you can wear, you can't
 buy it in a clothing store.
%%
Your family tree has no branches.
%%
Your Father had an accident there;
F is for Formalhaut, where Cthuga doth dwell
%%
Your father just kissed a bride and got himself a black eye. I know
 everyone does it, but not seven years after the wedding.
 -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
%%
Your fathers, where are they? And the prophets, do they live forever?
 -- Old Testament
 -- Zechariah i, 5
%%
Your fault -- core dumped
%%
Your fear of change is too clearly visible in your eyes.
%%
Your feet have balls but not vice versa?
%%
Your fighter doesn't get bonuses because he drinks coffee.
%%
Your files are now being encrypted and thrown into the bit bucket.
EOF
%%
Your first impressions of people are best.
%%
Your fish resents your control over its life.
%%
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
%%
Your food stamps will be stopped effective March, 1992, because we received
notice that you passed away.  May God bless you.  You may reapply if there
is a change in your circumstances.
 -- Greenville County (S.C.) Department of Social Services
 -- The World Almanac and Book of Facts, 1993
%%
Your foot, Your mouth,  ....Go arrange a meeting.
%%
Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.
 -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Your friendly neighborhood Atheist.
%%
Your Friendly Neighborhood System Administrator
%%
Your friends need you.
%%
Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet
than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
 -- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
%%
Your future looks bright.
%%
Your future will be easier to digest than this cookie.
%%
Your gift is princely, but it comes too late, And falls like sunbeams
on a blasted blossom.
 -- Suckling
%%
Your girlfriend is the kind of woman you could fall madly in bed with.
%%
Your girl is going bad? Low-level format her.
%%
Your good nature will bring you unbounded happiness.
%%
Your government is here to help you.........NOT!!!!!!!!
%%
Your Grace...may I introduce...my _mother_...
 -- Edmund to the Bishop : Money
%%
    Your grandchildren will likely find it incredible-- or
even sinful-- that you burned up a gallon of gasoline to fetch
a pack of cigarettes!
 -- Dr. Paul MacCready Jr.
%%
Your grandparents did not endure the indignities of a steerage journey to
 Ellis Island so that you could stand outside a discotheque and beg a
 wallpaper designer to take you in with him.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Your hair's thinning - Who wants fat hair?
%%
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
%%
Your hard-drive was full, so I formatted it to make more space.
%%
Your head is as smooth as a baby's bottom.
%%
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
%%
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. In other words
Your heart is pure evil, your mind is empty and your soul devoted to mischief.
%%
Your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
Your heart's desires be with you!
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Your help will be needed in an embarrassing situation.
%%
Your hexagram reads 896787: HO HUM -- The Redundant. This hexagram refers to a
situation of extreme boredom.  Your programs always bomb off.  Your wife smells
bad.  Your children have hives.  You are working on an accounting system, when
you want to develop the GREAT AMERICAN COMPILER.  You give up hot dates to
nurse sick computers.  What you need now is sex.
Nine in the second place: The yellow bird reaches the malt shop.  Misfortune.
Six in the third place: In former times men built altars to honor the Internal
Revenue Service.  Great Dragons!  Are you in trouble!
%%
Your hockey team sucks, Beavis! huh huh huh
%%
Your Honor, I shot him because he waved with too few fingers.
%%
Your hopes and your future have nothing in common.
%%
Your husband is lazy if:

 When he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and
 goes in that direction.

 His idea of dressing for dinner is wearing a necktie over his pajamas.

 Coffee doesn't keep him awake--even when it's hot and being spilled on him.
 -- Phyllis Diller
%%
Your husband tells me you have a great mind. Too bad it hasn't reached your
 head.
 -- Jack E. Leonard
%%
Your idea of safe sex is a pillow covering the head-board.
%%
Your If is the only peace-maker -- much virtue in If.
 -- William Shakespeare
%%
Your If is the only peacemaker; much virtue in If.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), As You Like It
 -- Act v, Sc. 4
%%
Your ignorance is the mother of your devotion to me.
 -- John Dryden (1631-1700)
 -- The Maiden Queen, Act i, Sc. 2
%%
Your illness license has expired:  Report back to health immediately.
%%
Your imagination, my dear fellow, is worth more than you imagine
 -- Louis Aragon
%%
Your inability to achieve solitude makes you settle for substandard
relationships.
%%
Your inability to sustain sexual interest in just one other person
drains your life of the possibility of intimacy.
%%
Your inlaws on your wife's side usually are ...
%%
`Your I will is more important than your I.Q.'
 -- West Side Prep School, Chicago
%%
Your jelly doughnuts will be assimilated.
 -- Elvis of Borg
%%
Your kindness and generosity cause envy in a powerful person nearby.
%%
Your knowledge would be useless without my ignorance!
%%
Your lamp has run out of power.
%%
Your lamp is now off.
%%
Your lamp is now on.
%%
Your latest program has been judged UNTASTEFUL by the T demon;
and automatically deleted.
%%
Your laws, your courts, your false god will be a dim remembering
of a cursed time when man was wolf to the man.
%%
Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart.
%%
Your legs must be tired, 'cause you been running through my mind all night!
%%
Your life has been cancelled. Please report to the nearest soul
 reclamation center for recycling.
%%
Your life is formal; your actions seem ruled with a ruler.
%%
Your life's priorities are in good order if you would rather risk your life
 skiing than shoveling snow.
%%
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
%%
Your lives are taglines on the echoes of time.
%%
Your logic was impeccable, Captain. We are in grave danger.
 -- Star Trek
%%
Your long forgotten kindness to someone will bring a substantial sum of money.
%%
Your long life will reflect the advantages of dying young.
%%
Your loved ones will donate your corpse to science while you're still healthy.
%%
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
%%
Your love life will be interesting.
%%
Your lover will never wish to leave you.
%%
Your lover will never wish to leave you. He or she will want you to go away.
%%
Your lucky color has faded.
%%
Your Lucky Color Is Fading.
%%
Your lucky number has been discontinued.
%%
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.
%%
Your lucky number is 511.  Play the lottery every day, because you
have no talents, and unless dumb luck makes you rich, people will
continue to shun you.
%%
Your majesty is like a stream of bat's piss.
%%
Your majesty! The pedants are revolting!
%%
Your Mama don't dance and your Daddy don't Rock & Roll.
%%
Your mama's so stupid it took her an hour to cook minute rice.
%%
Your mama's so stupid she went to a gunfight armed with a knife.
%%
Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is
not original, and the part that is original is not good.
 -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Your meaningless drivel has been noted.
%%
Your memory is that function of your brain which allows that you dial part
 of the phone number you intended calling correctly.
%%
Your mental health will be better if you have lots of fun outside
of that office.
 -- Dr. William Menninger
%%
Your messages have the subtlety of a rectal thermometer.
%%
:Your mileage may vary: [from the standard disclaimer attached to
   EPA mileage ratings by American car manufacturers] cav. 1. A ritual
   warning often found in UNIX freeware distributions.  Translates
   roughly as "Hey, I tried to write this portably, but who
   *knows* what'll happen on your system?"  2. More generally,
   a qualifier attached to advice.  "I find that sending flowers
   works well, but your mileage may vary."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Your mileage may vary. Your car may not run.
%%
Your mind has already been assimilated.
 -- Usenet, and the Borg
%%
Your mind is like a parachute.  It only works if it is open.
 -- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
%%
Your mind is on vacation and your thoughts are working overtime.
%%
Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
%%
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to flallop about wildly.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed to 0644.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed to ASCII.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed to EBCDIC.
%%
Your money or your lifestyle
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Your money's safe -- the S&L Regulators are watching it.
%%
Your monument shall be my gentle verse,
Which eyes not yet created shall o'er-read,
And tongues to be your being shall rehearse
When all the breathers of this world are dead;
You still shall live--such virtue hath my pen--
Where breath most breathes, even in the mouths of men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Sonnets & other Poetry
 -- Sonnet lxxxi
%%
Your motherboard wears COM.BAT reboots!
%%
Your mother codes in BASIC!
%%
Your Mother is a Ferrengi Ho!
%%
Your mother's gonna LOVE me!
%%
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberrys!
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind
will be misinterpreted by somebody.
%%
Your multiple personalities don't prevent you from being dull.
%%
Your name is great
In mouths of wisest censure.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Othello
 -- Act ii, Sc. 3
%%
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
%%
Your new credit limit is $1. Have a nice day.
%%
Your next acquaintance will be the right one.
%%
Your next surprise will come from where you less expect any surprise.
%%
Your not having fun till they call 911!
%%
Your not hearing what I'm saying.
%%
Your not knowing a man's purpose does not mean he is confused.
%%
Your object is to save the world,
while still leading a pleasant life.
%%
Your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions.
 -- Old Testament
 -- Joel ii, 28
%%
You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
 -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
Your only limitation is you!
%%
Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.  Being
true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark
of a fake messiah.  The simplest questions are the most profound.  Where
were you born?  Where is your home?  Where are you going?  What are
you doing?  Think about these once in awhile and watch your answers change.
 -- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
Your only *true* erogenous zone is between your ears.
%%
Your opal may cure my brother of some demon-taint, but *my* bad attitude is
 no sickness!   It's one-hundred percent all natural!
 -- Ron Post
%%
Your opponent is not as strong as you think. Neither are you.
%%
Your own ability to rationalize your bad deeds makes you believe the
entire universe is as amoral as yourself.
%%
Your own happiness increases the more you give your happiness away.
 -- Bruce Bogaert
%%
Your own mileage may vary.
%%
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
%%
Your papers need more footnotes.
%%
Your paradigm is so intrinsic to your mental process that you are
hardly aware of its existence, until you try to communicate with someone
with a different paradigm.
 -- Donella Meadows, The Global Citizen
%%
Your parentheses always match.
%%
Your password is pitifully obvious.
%%
Your penis is small, when your girlfriend feeds you hot dog helper.
%%
Your people are violent.
 -- Grebnedlog to Geordi, "Samaritan Snare", stardate 42779.1
%%
Your phone bill and line noise are provided _FREE_ by Bell Telephone.
%%
Your phone will ring.
%%
Your picture of the world often changes just before you get it into focus.
%%
Your piss poor planning is not necessarily my emergency!
%%
Your place in the path of life is in the driver's seat.
%%
Your posting is just the kind of BS that leads me to believe that moderation
 is necessary.   As it happens, you are simply wrong.  On all counts.
 -- Bill Wells (bill@twwells.com)

Funny, this is just the kind of quasi-religious didacticism that leads me to
 believe that objectivism is not philosophy and that it's basically a Rand fan
 club.
 -- Tim Maroney (tim@hoptoad.UUCP)

I've added to my understanding that you refer to calling a bullshitter a
 bullshitter as ``quasi-religious didacticism''.
 -- Bill Wells (bill@twwells.com)
%%
Your post is permeated with Bravo Sierra!
%%
Your present plans will be successful.
%%
Your present plans will be successful. But you will be found out later.
%%
Your proctologist called and your head is ready.
%%
Your program is sick...shareware it!
%%
Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
%%
Your programs need more comments.
%%
Your project will be late.
%%
Your punishment, Barbarella, is Tom Heydan!
%%
Your quote might have been here.
%%
Your reality check just bounced.
%%
Your reality is a figment of my imagination.
%%
Your reality is lies and balderdash, and I'm glad to say that I have no grasp
 of it.
 -- Baron Munchausen
%%
Your really a Spaceball..
%%
Your real tagline has been replace with Folger's Crystals.
%%
Your reasoning is silly and irrational but it is beginning to make sense.
%%
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
%%
Your refusal to acknowledge the dark side of humanity makes you prey
to that dark side.
%%
Your reputation as a very decisive individual with great skill is enhanced
 by having a snap decision accidently turn out to be correct.
%%
Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You
 need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major
 motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does
 not use the word "collectible" as a noun, you can consider yourself an
 unqualified success.
 -- Fran Lebowitz
%%
Your resume will be used on the "Tonight Show" monologue.
%%
Your revisionism rebutted? Blame it on Reagan/Bush!
 -- Liberal Rule # 7
%%
Your rich great-great aunt who lists you as her sole heir will live to
be 123.
%%
Your rich uncle will die, but will spell your name incorrectly.
%%
Your road is dark and it's a thin thin line
But I want you to know I'll walk it for you anytime
Maybe your other boyfriends couldn't pass the test
But if you're rough and ready for love
Baby I'm tougher than the rest
 -- "Tougher Than The Rest" from Tunnel of Love, music
%%
Your salary will be increased.
%%
Your sanity is not my responsibility!
%%
Your sausages, Dave, now cover 98% of the Earth's surface.
 -- Red Dwarf 'Me^2'
%%
Your save file is obsolete and cannot be restored.
%%
Your score puts you in Master Adventurer Class A.
%%
Your score puts you in Master Adventurer Class B.
%%
Your score puts you in Master Adventurer Class C.
%%
Your score puts you in Master Adventurer Class D.
%%
Your score puts you in Master Adventurer Class E.
%%
Your score puts you in Master Adventurer Class F.
%%
Your score puts you in Master Adventurer Unlimited Class.
%%
Your score qualifies you as a Novice Class Adventurer.
%%
Your silliness has been noted
%%
Your simian countenance suggests a heritage rich in species diversity
%%
Your sin, was it of omission, commission, or emission?
%%
Yours is no disgrace.
%%
YOUR SISTER DATES A SYSOP!
%%
Your situation is as precarious as piled eggs.
%%
Your skill impresses me. I like you.
 -- Lutan to Yar, "Code of Honor", stardate 41235.25
%%
Your skin looks like baby skin - with diaper rash!
%%
Your slogan here.
%%
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
%%
Your son at five is your master, at ten your slave, at fifteen your
double, and after that, your friend or your foe, depending on his bringing up.
 -- Hasdai Ibn Shaprut
%%
"Your so open minded that your brain fell out"
 -- Whatcha Gonna Do When Your Numbers Up, Steve Taylor
%%
Your species has the most amazing capacity for self-deception, matched
only by its ingenuity in destroying itself.
 -- The 7th Doctor Who
%%
Your species is self-destructive.
 -- Norman the android, "I, Mudd," stardate 4513.3
%%
Your spelling checker,dont write Nome without it
%%
Your sperm's in the gutter, your love's in the sink.
%%
Your squirrels don't know where you are tonight.
%%
Your statement fully describes the situation partially.
%%
Yours till the modem melts.
%%
Your stinking industrial bathwater -- My wine.
%%
Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par.
 -- Dave Mack (mack@inco.UUCP)

Yours is.
 -- Allen Gwinn (allen@sulaco.sigma.com), in alt.flame
%%
Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!
 -- THE SIMPSONS
%%
Your sweet words suck the morning dew off the honeysuckle.
%%
Your tagline here.  $15.95/mo.  Sorry, no C.O.D.'s
%%
Your tagline hunting license has expired. Lose 2 packets.
%%
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
%%
Your talents will be recognized. You will be sought out by the x-rated movie
industry.
%%
Your temper is one of your more valuable possessions. Don't lose it.
%%
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
%%
Your throat may be closer than it seems.
%%
Your time has run out!, Insert coin to continue.
%%
Your train of thought makes all the stops.
%%
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
 -- Bob Wells
%%
Your type doesn't stay around long enough to stay your type.
%%
YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE!!!
%%
Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh?
%%
Your Uncle is as stupid as paste.
%%
Your uniform don't seem to fit - You're much too alive in it.
 -- Sting
%%
Your Virus is now STONED. Legalize ViruScan.
%%
Your weakness is money in their bank.
%%
Your wife is dead when the sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
%%
Your will to survive, your love of life, your passion to know ...
Everything that is truest and best in all species of beings has been
revealed to you.  Those are the qualities that make a civilization
worthy to survive.
 -- Lai the Vian, "The Empath," stardate 5121.5
%%
Your winning smile is your greatest asset.
%%
Your wish is my command.
%%
Your women.  We want to buy your women.
-Jake
 -- "The Blues Brothers"
%%
Your work is very poor, but at least it's slow.
%%
Your world is a miserable, doomed place.
%%
Your worship is your furnaces
which, like old idols, lost obscenes,
have molten bowels; your vision is
machines for making more machines.
 -- Gordon Bottomley (1874)
%%
Your worst nightmare: Bottle fed by Dolly Parton.
%%
Your Yin and Yang are no longer on speaking terms.
%%
You saw a WHAT around the corner?!?
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
You say faith is a crutch,
For a mind that's closed,
You guzzle your crutch,
And shove it up your nose.
 -- Steve Taylor, Bad Rap ( Who You Tryin' To Kid Kid ? )
%%
You say hello, I say good riddance.
%%
You say I'm cool, I'm no fool,
 but then you wind up applying to grad school...
 -- Matt Groening
%%
You say it can't be won The way the game is run; But if you choose
to stay You wind up playin' anyway.
 -- Jackson Browne
%%
You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated?   What of it?  The
man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool.  My way of
thinking is the result of my reflections.  It is part of my inner
being, the way I am made.  I do not contradict them, and would not even
if I wished to.  For my system, which you disapprove of, is also my
greatest comfort in life, the source of all my happiness --- it means
more to me than my life itself.
 -- Marquis de Sade
%%
You say that now, but try chewing a child the next time you're car sick.
%%
You say to me-wards your affection 's strong;
Pray love me little, so you love me long.
 -- Robert Herrick (1591-1674)
 -- Love me Little, Love me Long
%%
You say you are lying.  But if everything you say is a lie, then you
are telling the truth.  You cannot tell the truth because everything
you say is a lie.  You lie, you tell the truth ... but you cannot, for
you lie.
 -- Norman the android, "I, Mudd", stardate 4513.3
%%
You say you had three men punching at you, kicking you, raping you,
    and you didn't scream?
No ma'am.
Does that mean you consented?
No, ma'am.   That means I was unconscious.
 -- Richard Lederer "Disorder in the Court"
%%
You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the
Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing.
Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist.
 -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 14, 1991
%%
[You say you've never made a picture before?]
Yes, but that's our strongest weak point.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
You say you want a revelation -- we all want to end the world . . .
%%
You, Scott.  There in the back row. Stop laughing or leave the room!
%%
You scratch my tape, and I'll scratch yours.
%%
You scream then you leap.
%%
You see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick. You
 might as well try to stop a Bandersnatch!
 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see
 a smart woman with a dumb guy.
%%
You see but you do not observe.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes"
%%
 ... you see, God -- whatever anyone chooses to call God -- is one's
highest conception of the highest possible.  And whoever places his
highest conception above his own possibility thinks very little of
himself and his life.  It's a rare gift, you know, to feel reverence
for your own life and to want the best, the greatest, the highest
possible, here, now, for your very own.  To imagine a heaven and then
not to dream of it, but to demand it.
 -- Kira Argounova
%%
You see it's like a portmanteau--there are two meanings packed up into one
word.
 -- Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass
%%
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
%%
You see, Lord, she can be reasonable.
%%
        You see, me and the Lord, we've got this understanding.
          We're on a mission from God.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
You seem like a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.
 *YOU* seem like a decent fellow, I hate to die.
%%
You seem to have one of the common American delusions: that the Eleventh
Amendment in the Bill of Rights grants you the right to go through life
without being offended. Think again.
 -- ALY
%%
You seem very taken with her J. P.

Just in old man's fantasies.
 -- Picard & Adm. Hanson, "The Best of Both Worlds," stardate 43989.1
%%
    You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull
fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative,
spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious
company and irrepressibly drab and awful.  And whereas in most
professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in
chartered accountancy they are a positive boon.
 -- Monty Python
%%
You see Picard, after we dissect your Enterprise for every precious bit of
  information, I intend to display it's broken hull in the center of the
  Romulan capital as a symbol of our victory. It will inspire our armies
  for generations to come. And serve as a warning to any other traitor who
  would create ripples of disloyalty.
 -- Tomalak, "The Defector", stardate 43462.5
%%
You see... There is two sides to every Schwart.
%%
You see through love, and that
  deludes your sight,
As what is straight seems
  crooked through the water
 -- John Dryden
%%
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull
his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you
understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send
signals here, they receive them there.  The only difference is that
there is no cat.
 -- Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio
%%
You see, without that little doohicky, the universe stops.
%%
You see, you know they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your
  name on it?
Yeeees....
Well, I thought if I _owned_ the bullet with my name on it, I'd never
  get hit...'cos I won't ever shoot myself.
Oh. Shame.
 -- Baldrick and Edmund : Captain Cook
%%
You send `em to school ... they eat the books.
%%
You shall be called!
%%
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
%%
You shall comprehend all vagrom men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Much Ado about Nothing
 -- Act iii, Sc. 3
%%
You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends.
 -- Joseph Conrad, "Lord Jim", 1900
%%
You shall know the truth and be freed.
%%
You shall know the truth, and it shall make you freak.
%%
You shall never want rope enough.
 -- Francis Rabelais (1495-1553)
 -- Works, The Author's Prologue to the Fifth Book
%%
You shall not pile, with servile toil,
  Your monuments upon my breast,
Nor yet within the common soil
  Lay down the wreck of power to rest,
Where man can boast that he has trod
On him that was "the scourge of God."
 -- Edward Everett (1794-1865)
 -- Alaric the Visigoth
%%
You shall see them on a beautiful quarto page, where a neat rivulet
of text shall meander through a meadow of margin.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- School for Scandal, Act i, Sc. 1
%%
You shoot the stars to see the miles you've made.
 -- Stan Rogers
%%
You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide
 on a NEW CAREER!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
You should always think for yourself. Believe me.
%%
You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
%%
You should be aware of the conditional case if you was to use it.
%%
You should be pun-ished!
%%
You should emulate your heroes, but don't carry it too far.
Especially if they're dead.
%%
You should go away.
%%
You should go hang yourself in shame...and leave your body on it!
%%
You should go home.
%%
You should go to a pear-tree for pears, not to an elm.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 674
%%
You should hammer your iron when it is glowing hot.
 -- Publius Syrus (42 BC)
 -- Maxim 262
%%
You should hardly ever equivocate.
%%
You should have thought of all this before you were born.
 -- N.F. Simpson
%%
You should just say no to drugs. That will drive the prices down.
 -- Guy Geechy
%%
You should learn to be assertive, but not with me.
%%
You should never bet against anything in science
 at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1.
 -- Ernest Rutherford
%%
You should never challenge "worse." Don't ever say, "Things couldn't get
 worse." Worse is rough ... I was down to my last two hundred dollars. I
 mean, not to my name, but I lost all I could sign for. And I said, "I'm
 gonna win something! It can't get worse!"

 I went over to the roulette wheel. And got two hundred dollars' worth of
 quarter chips. Covered the table--I mean, covered the table! Red and black,
 even up. I'm going to win something before I go to sleep. And the guy spun
 the ball and it fell on the floor.
 -- Bill Cosby
%%
You should never trust anyone who listens to Mahler before they're forty.
 -- Clive James
%%
You should never use the phrase 'you should'.
 -- Tim Veatch
%%
 You should never use the second person.
 -- Grammar rules for the unenlightened
%%
You should never wear your best trousers when
 you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.
 -- Henrik Ibsen
%%
You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that,
contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from
houses.  Really, that's what scientists believe.  In fact many
scientists actually use their fireplaces to cool their houses in the
summer.  If you visit a scientist's house on a sultry August day,
you'll find a cheerful fire roaring on the hearth and the scientist
sitting nearby, remarking on how cool he is and drinking heavily.
 -- Dave Barry, Postpetroleum Guzzler
%%
You shouldn't change his code to be self consistently wrong.
 -- Alan Johnson 4:54pm 4/16/93
%%
You shouldn't drink and drive. If you get drunk, don't call a cab. That
 could cost you twenty dollars or forty dollars or fifty dollars. Do what I
 do. Call a tow truck. It might cost a little more, but your car will be
 there when you wake up.
 -- Jeffrey Jena
%%
You shouldn't go faster than twice the speed of light--
it's too hard on the tires.
%%
You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh.
 -- Pat Benatar
%%
You shouldn't make my toaster angry.
 -- Household security explained in Johnny Quest
%%
You shouldn't say it is not good.  You should say, you do not like
it; and then, you know, you're perfectly safe.
 -- James Whistler (1834-1903)
%%
You shouldn't think about *how* we're doing this.   You should ask yourself,
'why?'
 -- Penn Jillette
%%
You shouldn't touch a pig unless it hasn't been in the mud.
%%
You shouldn't wallow in self-pity.  But it's OK to put
your feet in it and swish them around a little.
 -- Guindon
%%
You should presently be able to deal from a full deck.
%%
You should remove your files.
%%
You should see the ones we don't let out in public
%%
You should talk to the DOCTOR.
%%
You should tip the waiter $10, minus $2 if he tells you his name,
another $2 if he claims it will be His Pleasure to serve you and
another $2 for each special he describes involving confusing terms
such as shallots, and $4 if the menu contains the word fixin's.        In
many restaurants, this means the waiter will actually owe you money.
If you are traveling with a child  aged six months to three years, you
should leave an additional amount equal to twice the bill to compensate
for the fact that they will have to take the banquette out and burn it
because the cracks are wedged solid with gobbets made of partially
chewed former restaurant rolls saturated with baby spit.

In New York, tip the taxicab driver $40 if he does not mention his
hemorrhoids.
 -- Dave Barry, The Stuff of Etiquette
%%
You should use contraceptives at every conceivable occasi
%%
You should've heard me before you got here.
 -- Ro
%%
You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a
plowshare, your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture
 -- Business Professor, University of Georgia
%%
You showed admirable restraint for one so small.
 -- Worf
%%
You show me an American who can keep his mouth shut and I'll eat him.
 -- Newspaperman from Frank Capra's _Meet_John_Doe_
%%
You show me a sculptor who works in the basement and I'll show you a
 low-down chiseler!
 -- Soupy Sales
%%
"You show me your compiler and I'll show you my linker."
"And maybe afterward we wont have to debug."
%%
You sick little monkey!
 -- Ren
%%
You simply MUST stop taking advice from other people.
 -- Melissa Timberman
%%
You, sir, are a complete copulating anal orifice.
%%
You, sir, are truly the offspring of a crossbred penguin.
%%
You slapped my face
Oh but so gently
I smiled
At the caress.
 -- William Carlos Williams
%%
You smash it... and I'll build around it.
 -- John Lennon
%%
You smile discreetly.  Look like you're enjoying yourself, like you're
ready to get down to serious business. You've got to be careful what
you say.
 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, explaining to Latin
     American leaders how to handle a photo op
%%
You sneezed, insert FD disk as it must spin-dry.
%%
YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!!!
%%
You sometimes drive me crazy, but I worry about you.
%%
You sound like a TV series!
 -- Rimmer.
%%
You speak of courage.  Obviously you do not know the difference between
courage and foolhardiness.  Always it is the brave ones who die, the
soldiers.
 -- Kor, the Klingon Commander, "Errand of Mercy",
                stardate 3201.7
%%
"You speak truth," said Themistocles; "I should never have been famous
if I had been of Seriphus;
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Life of Themistocles
%%
You spell 'knife' with a 'k'.
I spell 'knife' with an 'n', but then I never could spell.
 -- Troi and Picard, "The Big Goodbye", stardate 41997.7
%%
You spend the first half of your life wondering if people will purchase the
 services you have to offer. The second part of your life is spent wondering
 if those who purchased the services you offered will ever get around to
 paying for what they purchased.
%%
You spent most of your money on beer and women, the rest you wasted.
%%
You stand in your owne light.
 -- John Heywood (c. 1565)
 -- Proverbes, Part ii, Chap. iv
%%
You stay here, Audrey -- this is between me and the vegetable!
 -- Seymour, from _Little Shop Of Horrors_
%%
You still don't know what you're dealing with do you?  Perfect organism.
Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility [...] I admire
its purity, a survivor; unclouded by conscience, remorse or delusions of
morality.
 -- Ash, "Alien"
%%
You still making a nonsense of it, Doctor, in your, what was it
   called--TARDIS?
 -- Lethbridge-Stewart, THE INVASION
%%
You still need the last file you removed.
%%
You striving, bickering, foolishly brave humans.
 -- Apollo, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" stardate 3468.1
%%
You study, you learn, but you guard the original naivete. It has to be
 within you, as desire for drink is within the drunkard or love is within
 the lover.
 -- Henri Matisse
%%
You summoned me, Captain? asked T. Earl Grey, hotly.
%%
You suspect your computer is more intelligent than you, for good reason.
%%
You swallowed a WHAT?
%%
You take my house when you do take the prop
That doth sustain my house; you take my life
When you do take the means whereby I live.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant of Venice
 -- Act iv, Sc. 1
%%
You talkin' to me? Are YOU....talkin' to me?
%%
You taught me language, and my profit on't is, I know how to curse.
 -- Caliban
%%
You teach best what you most need to learn.
%%
You tell 'em Bald Head, You're smooth.
%%
You tell 'em Banana, You've been skinned.
%%
You tell 'em Bank, You're safe.
%%
You tell 'em Bean, He's stringing you.
%%
You tell 'em Brake, You've got the drag.
%%
You tell 'em Butcher, You've got a lot of tongue.
%%
You tell 'em Cabbage, You've got the head.
%%
You tell 'em Calendar, You've got lots of dates.
%%
You tell 'em Cashier, I'm a poor teller.
%%
You tell 'em Cat, That's what you're fur.
%%
You tell 'em Cemetery, You are so grave.
%%
You tell 'em Chloroform, You can put them to sleep.
%%
You tell 'em Church Bell, I told you.
%%
You tell 'em Cigarette, You're lit up.
%%
You tell 'em Clock, You've got the time.
%%
You tell 'em Cucumber, I've been pickled.
%%
You tell 'em Custard Pie, You've got the crust.
%%
You tell 'em Dentist, You've got the pull.
%%
You tell 'em Dictionary, You're full of information.
%%
You tell 'em Doctor, you've got the patients.
%%
You tell 'em Dough, You're well bred.
%%
You tell 'em Electricity, You can shock 'em.
%%
You tell 'em Envelope, You're well posted.
%%
You tell 'em Gambler, You've got winning ways.
%%
You tell 'em Goldfish, You've been around the globe.
%%
You tell 'em Hard-Boiled Egg, You're hard to beat.
%%
You tell 'em Horse, You carry a tail.
%%
You tell 'em Hunter, I'm game.
%%
You tell 'em June, And don't July.
%%
You tell 'em Manicurist, I've been trimmed.
%%
You tell 'em Moon, You're out all night.
%%
You tell 'em Mountain, I'm only a bluff.
%%
You tell 'em Operator, You've got their number.
%%
You tell 'em Owl, You're wise.
%%
You tell 'em Piano, You're upright and square.
%%
You tell 'em Printer, I'm not your type.
%%
You tell 'em Railroad, It's not along my line.
%%
You tell 'em September Morn, No one has anything on you.
%%
You tell 'em Simon, I'll Legree.
%%
You tell 'em Skyscraper, You have more than one story.
%%
You tell 'em Submarine, I can't seaplane.
%%
You tell 'em Teacher, You've got the class.
%%
You tell the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
%%
Youth Condemns; maturity condones - Amy Lowell
%%
Youth + confidence + myopia = naivete.
%%
Youth Culture Killed My Dog.
%%
Youth doesn't excuse everything.
%%
Youth doesn't excuse everything.
 -- Dr. Janice Lester (in Kirk's body), "Turnabout Intruder",
             stardate 5928.5.
%%
Youthful figure: What you get when asking a lady's age.
%%
Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
%%
Youth has no age.
 -- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
 -- Arts de France, no. 6 (1946)
%%
You think health care is expensive now? Wait until it's free!
%%
You think I like watching you sleep?
%%
You think I'm a long haired weirdo?  So were the disciples...
%%
You think I'm over the hill? I've got news for you! I AM the hill!
%%
You think it is a want of judgment that he changes his opinion. Do
you think it a proof that your scales are bad because they vibrate
with every additional weight that is added to either side?
 -- Edgeworth
%%
You think it's a good idea to put a wet, drainy thing like that upside down
 over your mouth?
 -- Gallagher
%%
You think New York is bad? You ought to go to Detroit. You can go ten
 blocks and never leave the scene of the crime.
 -- Red Skelton
%%
You think Oedipus had a problem
 -- Adam was Eve's mother.
%%
You think paying an expert is expensive? Try an amateur!
%%
You think the only people who are people,
Are the ones who look and think the way you do,
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger,
You'll learn the things you never knew you never knew...
You can own the Earth and still,
All you'll own is earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind.
 -- Stephen Schwartz, Colors of the Wind
%%
You think they are crusaders sent
  From some infernal clime,
To pluck the eyes of sentiment
  And dock the tail of Rhyme,
To crack the voice of Melody
  And break the legs of Time.
 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
 -- The Music-Grinders
%%
You think things are going well for you, do you? Things could change.
%%
You think this life is something strange...
%%
You think time heals everything? Try waiting in a doctor's office.
%%
You think you are a wit, but you are only half right.
%%
You think you have problems? My sundial is running slow.
%%
You think you know when you learn, are more sure when you
can write, even more when you can teach, but certain when you
can program.
 -- Alan J. Perlis
%%
"You think you're God!"
"Well, I gotta model myself after somebody!"
 -- Woody Allen, "Manhattan"
%%
"You think you've got problems," said Marvin, the paranoid human-hating
robot, as if he was addressing a newly occupied coffin, "what are you supposed
to do if you ARE a manically depressed robot?  No, don't bother to answer that,
I'm fifty thousand times more intelligent than you and even I don't know the
answer.  It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level."
 -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Youth is a blunder; manhood a struggle; old age a regret.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli (Earl Beaconsfield) (1805-1881)
 -- Coningsby, Book iii, Chap. i
%%
Youth is a disease from which we all hopefully recover!
%%
Youth is a gift of nature...Middle age is a work of art!
%%
Youth is a period of missed opportunities.
 -- Cyril Connolly, "Journal and Memoir" 1983
%%
Youth is a period of missed opportunities without the glory of knowing what
 was missed.
%%
Youth is the trustee of posterity.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Youth is wasted on the young.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is
 when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
%%
Youth.It's a wonder that anyone ever outgrows it.
%%
Youth -- not a time of life but a state of mind... a predominance of
courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease.
 -- Robert Francis Kennedy (1925-1968)
%%
YOUTH, n.  The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum,
Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of
endowing a living Homer.

        Youth is the true Saturnian Reign, the Golden Age on earth
    again, when figs are grown on thistles, and pigs betailed with
    whistles and, wearing silken bristles, live ever in clover, and
    clows fly over, delivering milk at every door, and Justice never
    is heard to snore, and every assassin is made a ghost and,
    howling, is cast into Baltimost!
                                                        Polydore Smith
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Youth of today!  Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental attitudes!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
You thought I was taking your woman away from you.  You're jealous.
You tried to kill me with your bare hands.  Would a Kelvan do that?
Would he have to?  You're reacting with the emotions of a human.
You are human.
 -- Kirk, "By Any Other Name," stardate 4657.5
%%
You threw out my WHAT?
%%
You Threw Up on the Carpet of My Love.
 -- Lewis Grizzard
%%
Youth, which is forgiven everything, forgives itself nothing: age, which
forgives itself anything, is forgiven nothing.
 -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Stray Sayings"
%%
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
 -- Herbert Henry Asquith
%%
You told me about that yesterday.
I know, but I left out a comma.
 -- Groucho Marx
%%
You too can wear a nose mitten.
%%
You took my breath away and now I want it back.
%%
You took my last chip, you could at least smile, Worf.
Smiling would break his concentration.
 -- Pulaski and Geordi, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
"You tormented them!"
"A subjective term, Riker.  One creature's torment is another creature's
  delight.  They simply have no sense of humor, a character flaw with which you
  can personally identify."
"I say we hand him over to them."
"Oh, well, I take it back. You do have a sense of humor, a dreadful one
  at that."
 -- Riker & Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
 You traded the Blues Mobile for a microphone?   OK, I can see that.
 -- The Blues Brothers
%%
"You Trash It, We Hash It"
 -- Road Kill Cafe
%%
You tread upon my patience.
 -- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
%%
You tried it just for once, found it alright for kicks,
 but now you find out you have a habit that sticks,
 you're an orgasm addict,
 you're always at it,
 and you're an orgasm addict.
 -- The Buzzcocks
%%
You tried the rest, and bought WHAT..??!?
%%
You tripped as you moved and dropped the wad of paper. But before
it it hit the ground, it turned into a bird and flew into the forest!
%%
You try any preversions in there, and I'll blow your head off.
 -- Dr. Strangelove
%%
You try never to hurt people, and do so only when it serves a higher purpose.
%%
You tweachewous miscweant!
 -- Elmer Fudd
%%
You twist and turn like a...twisty turny thing. You're a weedy pigeon,
  Blackadder, and you can call me Susan if it isn't so.
 -- Melchett : Beer
%%
You two are book-men.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Love's Labour 's Lost
 -- Act iv, Sc. 2
%%
?: "You two have successfully divided the evening between you."
Worf: "I suspect conspiracy...but far be it from me to accuse a superior
  officer."
 -- "Legacy", Stardate unknown
%%
You understand human nature and sympathize with its weakness.
%%
You understand the Klingons better than I thought.
Thank you, my friend.
 -- Klag and Riker, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
You used to have a rabbit. Beautiful little thing. Do you remember?
Flossy.
That's right. Flossy. Do you remember what happened to Flossy?
You shot him.
That's right. It was the kindest thing to do after he'd been run
  over by that car.
_Your_ car, sir.
Yes, by my car. But even that was an act of mercy when you remember
  that that dog had been set on him.
_Your_ dog, sir.
 -- Melchett and George : Private Plane
%%
You use little itty bitty nails, and nail the atoms down. (on how
to measure the number of states they can be in)
%%
You use unfamiliar words -- please re-phrase it, or try something else.
%%
YOU VACUOUS STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
%%
You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether
what you're doing is work or play.
 -- Warren Beatty
%%
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
%%
You've been smoking that stuff again, uh?
%%
You've buttered your bread--now sleep in it.
 -- Gracie Allen
%%
You've caught an even atom tan.
%%
You've come a long way, baby.
%%
You've gathered all my secrets, and I don't know who I am.
%%
You've gotta' die in creative ways.
%%
You've gotta fight for your right to party.
%%
You've gotta love it, though you don't have to respect it the next day.
%%
You've got the power.
%%
You've got the right reader baby. UH-HUH!
%%
You've got to be cruel to be cool.
%%
"You've got to be Kidding!" by Shirley U. Jest
%%
You've got to be trusted by the people that you lie to.
%%
You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going,
 because you might not get there.
 -- Yogi Berra
%%
You've got to cry without weeping,
    talk without speaking,
   scream without raising your voice
 -- U2
 -- The Joshua Three
%%
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
%%
You've got to find some way of saying it without saying it.
 -- Duke Ellington
%%
You've got to get in to get out.
%%
You've got to get obsessed and stay obsessed.
 -- John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire
%%
You've got to hand it to the IRS.  If not, they'll come and take it.
%%
You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks.
 -- Gary Giddens
%%
You've got to have an ace in the hole.
%%
You've got to have something to eat and a little love in your life before you
can hold still for any damn body's sermon on how to behave.
 -- Billie Holiday
%%
You've got to know the rules before you break them - otherwise it's no fun.
%%
You've got to know when to code'em, know when to modem,
know when to load'em up, know when to run.  Don't count your
money when you're sitting at the keyboard--there'll be time
enough for counting when the program's done.
%%
You've got to stand up and live before you can sit down and write.
%%
You've got to take life cereal, baby.
%%
You've got to think about tomorrow!

TOMORROW!     I haven't even prepared for *yesterday* yet!
%%
You've got to throw the stone to get the pool to ripple.
%%
You've never been as sick as just before you stop breathing.
 -- Macaluso's Doctrine
%%
You've never been out of school! You don't know what it's like out
    there!  I've worked in the the private sector.  They expect results.
 -- Dr. Raymond Stantz, from Ghostbusters
%%
You've obviously been educated beyond your intelligence.
%%
You've probably heard "brevity is the soul of wit,"
but have you heard "gravity is the soul of weight?"
%%
 You've reached Mike and Nancy's answering machine.  They're not
 home right now.  At least, I don't think they are.  Hang on.
 (Voice moves away from recording microphone.)  Mike?  Nancy?
 (Voice comes back.)  Nope, they're not here, so at the beep...
 -- Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller
%%
 You've reached the B&D Hotline.  All our operators are tied up
 right now, so if you leave a name, number, a list of
 transgressions, and bark like a dog, we'll get right back to you
 with your penance.
 -- Answering machine madness - odd organizations
%%
You've reached the tag thief hotline, to steal, press 1
%%
You've read the thread, now view the GIF.
%%
You've really worked out your banter, haven't you.
Not really - this is a different thing. It's spontaneous and it's
called 'wit'.
 -- Mr Pants and Edmund : Money
%%
You've the stuff, old kid--all you have to do is keep it up.
 -- Thomas Hart Benton (to Jackson Pollock)
%%
You've won a free spin on the "Wheel of Meat"!
%%
You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right?   Please
wait until I am wrong.
 -- John von Neumann, on being phoned at 10 a.m.
%%
You walk into the market. Big signs: "Feminine Protection." What's in those
 boxes? Pink guns? And panty shields ... what do they do, protect you from
 your own underwear?
 -- Elayne Boosler
%%
You wanna know how to nail Capone?   This is how you nail Capone: he
pulls a knife you pull a gun, he puts one of yours in the hospital, you
send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S how you nail Capone.
 --  Sean Connery in The Untouchables
%%
You wanna know what I think? I think you're some kinda deviated
    prevert!  I think General Ripper found out about your preversions
  and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts!
 -- Col. Batguano, from Dr. Strangelove
%%
You want a fortune?  I'll give you a fortune.  "Blech!"
%%
You want a job where you will never run out of work--be a debt collector.
 -- Joseph Epstein's grandfather
%%
You want a Real challenge?  Try MSWindows on a 286!!
%%
You wanted to frighten us. We're frightened. You wanted to show us that
  we are inadequate - for the moment, I will grant that. You want me to
  say that I need you. Right now - I need you.
 -- Picard to Q, "Q-Who?", stardate 42761.3
%%
You want I should bop you with this here Lollipop?!?
%%
You want it bad, you'll get it bad.
 -- Savage's Law of Expediency
%%
You want it *when*?!
%%
You want me to pay for bug fixes???
%%
You want something to worship? Try your SysOp.
%%
You want the real diet of success? You want the great secret? You want to
 know how to shed those unwanted pounds? Now you are going to learn, to get
 the real answer, the great secret is out. Yes, you too can do it. You eat
 all you want of those two or three things you absolutely hate.
%%
You want to eat my mills and have them, too.  And all I want
to know is this:  what makes you think it's possible?

 ... But it's only temporary!

There is no such thing as a temporary suicide.
 -- Hank Rearden
%%
You want to live forever?  Don't die.
%%
You want to make a guy comfortable enough to confess to murder.
 -- Bill Clark (Brooklyn Detective)
%%
You Wash, I'll Dry: Terry Cloth
%%
You watch a talk show recently?  They're doing one next month on a normal,
happy heterosexual couple, assuming they can find one.
 -- Professor Ralph Noble, RPI, Psychology of Motivation, Fall 1991
%%
You wear shiny objects on your chest. Are you proud?
 -- Magaret the Log Lady, from Twin Peaks
%%
You were a stranger to sorrow; thus fate has cursed you.
%%
You were bluffing.
Klingons never bluff.
 -- Geordi and Worf, "The Emissary", stardate 42901.3
%%
You were born the wrong sex.
%%
You were born twins and they killed the wrong one!
%%
You were conspicuous by your absence
 -- Lord John Russell
%%
You were ever good at sudden commendations.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry VIII
%%
You Were Expecting Maybe Bugs Bunny?
%%
You were expecting someone else?
 -- Sixth Doctor, Caves of Androzani
%%
You were programmed to survive. You can survive at the Luna 5 settlement.
To survive is not enough, to simply exist is not enough.
 -- Nayrok and Danar
%%
You were right somebody blew out the hatch. They were all sucked out
  into space.
"Correction sir, that's blown out."
Thank you, Data.
"Common mistake, sir."
 -- Riker and Data, "The Naked Now", stardate 41209.2
%%
You were s'posed to laugh!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
You! What PLANET is this!
 -- McCoy, "The City on the Edge of Forever", stardate 3134.0
%%
You WHAT?! You told my wife I said I was in total control.
%%
You white people are so strange.  We think it is very primitive for a child
to have only two parents.
 -- Australian Aboriginal Elder
%%
You who are schizophrenic:  do you sleep together?
%%
You, who claim that you long to rise above the crude concerns of the
body, above the drudgery of serving mere physical needs -- who is
enslaved by physical needs:  the Hindu who labors from sunrise to
sunset at the shafts of a handplow for a bowl of rice, or the American
who is driving a tractor?  Who is the conqueror of physical reality:
the man who sleeps on a bed of nails or the man who sleeps on an
inner-spring mattress?Which is the monument to the triumph of the
human spirit over matter:  the germ-eaten hovels on the shorelines of
the Ganges or the Atlantic skyline of New York?
 -- John Galt
%%
You who hate the Jews so, why did you adopt their religion?
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), addressing anti-semitic Christians
%%
You who've lost the concept of a right, you who swing in impotent
evasiveness between the claim that rights are a gift of God, a
supernatural gift to be taken on faith, or the claim that rights
are a gift of society, to be broken at its arbitrary whim -- the
source of man's rights is not divine law or congressional law, but
the law of identity.  A is A -- and Man is Man.  Rights are conditions
of existence required by man's nature for his proper survival.If
man is to live on earth, it is right for him to use his mind, it is
right to act on his own free judgment, it is right to work for his
values and to keep the product of his work.  If life on earth is his
purpose, he has a right to live as a rational being:  nature forbids
him the irrational.  Any group, any gang, any nation that attempts
to negate man's rights, is wrong, which means: is evil, which means:
is anti-life.
 -- John Galt
%%
You will always be successful in your business or professional career.
%%
You will always find some Eskimos ready to instruct the Congolese on how
to cope with heat waves.
 -- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
%%
You will always get what you want through your charm and personality.
%%
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
%%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
And they will mess it up.
%%
You will be able to appreciate the influence of such an Engine
on the future progress of science.  I live in a country
which is incapable of estimating it.
 -- Charles Babbage
%%
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
%%
You will be a great success both in the business world and society.
%%
You will be a guest at a happy party that'll have important consequences
for you.
%%
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
%%
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
%%
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
%%
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
%%
You will be awarded some great honor.
%%
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize--posthumously.
%%
You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
%%
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
%%
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.  Your no good
brother-in-law is in hock $100 to a loan shark.
%%
You will be careful, if you are wise, how you touch men's religion, or
 credit, or eyes.
 -- Ben Franklin
%%
You will become obsessively self-conscious about those knobby knees.
%%
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
%%
You will be concerned with many, many more things than you can change.
 -- Steven R. Covey
%%
You will be divorced within a year.
%%
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
%%
You will be had because you won't be conscious of something, and
somebody else will and won't leave that information unused.
%%
You will be happy socially and in your work.
%%
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
%%
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.
%%
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
%%
You will be indifferent where you would like to be kind.
%%
You will be invited to dine with many important people.  Once.
%%
You will be made happy by receipt of good news.
%%
You will be married within a year.
%%
You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
%%
You will be married within a year.
(If you're already married, consider this an ex post facto fortune.)
%%
You will be misunderstood by everyone.
%%
You will be pleased to know I stand obediently for the national
anthem, though of course I would defend your right to remain seated
should you so decide.
 -- Ira Glasser, head of the ACLU,
 -- conversation with conservative William F. Buckley, 1994
%%
You will be proud in manner but tolerant and generous.
%%
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
%%
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader. Later there will be a
scandal.
%%
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
%%
You will be required to do wrong no matter where you go. It is the basic
condition of life, to be required to violate your own identity. At some
time, every creature that lives must do so. It is the ultimate shadow,
the defeat of creation; this is the curse at work, the curse that feeds
on all life.  Everywhere in the universe.
 -- Wilbur Mercer, founder of Mercerism
 -- Philip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"
%%
You will be shot at sunrise.
%%
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
%%
You will be squirrely today.
%%
You will be successful in love.
%%
You will be successful in love. With someone other than your current partner.
%%
You will be successful in your work.
%%
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
%%
You will be surrounded by luxury.
%%
You will be surrounded by luxury. But it will not be yours.
%%
You will be Terminated!
%%
You will be tested on the above material!
%%
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
%%
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
%%
You will be thrown out of the sanitarium when your family refuses to pay.
%%
You will be Told about it Tomorrow.  Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
 -- Famous Last Words
%%
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
%%
You will be unusually successful in business.
%%
You will be where you most desire to be in a short while.
%%
You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
%%
You will change your sexual orientation, and then change back once you find
 that your new acquantainces don't like you either.
%%
You will contract a rare disease.
%%
You will curse the day you did not do All that the Phantom asked of you!
 -- I think this is from  THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (the musical)
%%
You will develop a sense of humor and die laughing at yourself.
%%
You will die like a Klingon.
 -- Kargan to Riker, "A Matter of Honor", stardate 42506.5
%%
You will die of terminal acne.
%%
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm!
%%
You will drink champagne and dance all night,
under electric candlelight.
%%
You will emerge from the gutter, only to trip and land in the sewer.
%%
You will encounter a tall, dark stranger... your probation officer.
%%
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
%%
You will engage in a profitable business activity. Later the police will find
out.
%%
You will engage in a profitable friendship.
%%
You will enjoy the high praise of solving a problem of long standing.
%%
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
%%
You will feel as much like you did yesterday as you do today.
%%
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
%%
You will find angling to be like the virtue of humility, which has
a calmness of spirit and a world of other blessings attending upon
it.
 -- Izaak Walton (1593-1683)
 -- The Complete Angler, Part i, Chap. 1
%%
You will find fame and... oh, I thought you were that other guy.
%%
You will find it a distinct help ... if you know and look as if you know
what you are doing.
 -- IRS training manual for tax auditors
%%
You will find tap dancing easier if you use both feet.
%%
You will find that the State is the kind of organization which,
  though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too.
 -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
you will find the exit at the entrance.
 -- Fourth Law of Hacking
%%
You will find what is not lost.
%%
You will find what is not lost and enter where there are no doors.
%%
You will forget that you ever knew me.
%%
You will forget this sentence immediately.
%%
You willfully ignore the small, gentle observations in life which you
know are the most important.
%%
You will gain money by a fattening action.
%%
You will gain money by an illegal or immoral action.
%%
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
%%
You will generally find that everything is defiled with usurious
contracts; that those very persons have got together the greater part of
their money by sheer rapine, who nevertheless assert themselves so
confidently to be pure from all contagion of unjust gain.
 -- St. Francis Xavier (1506-1552)
%%
You will get a fair trial, after which you will be shot.
%%
You will get what you deserve.
%%
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
%%
You will have a flat tire before the end of the month.
%%
You will have a head crash on your private pack.
%%
You will have a long and boring life.
%%
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your boss.
%%
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
%%
You will have fun.
%%
You will have fun. Once.
%%
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
%%
You will have long and healthy life.
%%
You will have many friends when you use a corkscrew.
%%
You will have many recoverable tape errors.
%%
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
%%
You will inherit millions of dollars.
%%
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
%%
You will know happy motorcyclist by the bug stains on his teeth.
%%
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
%%
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money,
after much hard work, as usual.
%%
You will live in interesting times and, if lucky, survive them.
%%
You will live to see your grandchildren.
%%
You will lose all sensation in your shirt.
%%
You will lose an important file.
%%
You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door
mayonnaise salesman.
%%
You will marry your present lover and be happy.
%%
You will meet a love-starved stewardess from
the Planet of Love-starved Stewardesses.
%%
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
%%
You will meet your perfect mate today.  Congratulations!  It's yourself.
%%
You will need the MANUALS to use this tagline!
%%
You will need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to
leave at home home, and one to leave on the train.
 -- James L. Blankenship
%%
You will never be happy socially or in your work.
%%
You will never be younger then you are today..
%%
You will never find time for anything.  If you want time you must make it.
 -- Charles Buxton
%%
You will never get any better if you don't push yourself.
%%
You will never know hunger.
%%
You will never know hunger, you will starve to death first.
%%
You will never know until you have found out, and when you do find out, you
 may well wish you had not known.
%%
You will never really know why the English drink so much tea until you try
 their coffee. Then, you will know!
%%
You will never remember this sentence.
%%
You will never win even a free ticket playing the lotto.
%%
You will not be elected to public office this year.
%%
You will not get the hiccups when you are alone.  You will get them in
the middle of your bar exam, or at a funeral, or on a visit to your
future inlaws' house.
%%
You will now answer to the charge of being a grievously savage race.
 -- Q, "Encounter at Farpoint", stardate 41153.7
%%
You will only find peace when you yield completely to society's control.
%%
You will outgrow your usefulness.
%%
You will outlive those who seek to destroy you.
%%
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
%%
You will pass away very quickly.
%%
You will pay for your sins.
If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
%%
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
%%
You will probably drown if you go down there!
%%
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
%%
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
%%
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
%%
You will receive a present, over which you will shed tears of joy.
%%
You will receive money for nothing, and your chicks for free.
%%
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
%%
 You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when
 the garbage truck is two doors away.
 -- Murphy's Law No. 35
%%
        You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the
Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the
parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
 -- Sherlock Holmes
%%
You *WILL* respect me in the morning!
%%
You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you don't
burn your bridges until you come to them.
 -- First Rule of Negative Anticipation
%%
You will secure the greatest degree of happiness if you marry young.
%%
You will soon be able to do all the things sane people can do.
%%
You will soon be crossing the great waters.
%%
You will soon forget this.
%%
You will soon have an unfortunate confrontation with the Administrators
of Justice.
%%
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
%%
You will soon meet a stranger who will become your friend.
%%
You will soon meet a strangler who will become your fiend.
%%
You will soon meet a tall dark handsome stranger.
%%
You will soon take that long awaited vacation.
%%
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
%%
You will step on the toes of many co-workers.
%%
You will still not survive our assault.
And you will not survive ours. Shall we die together?
 -- Tomalak and Picard, "The Defector", stardate 43462.5
%%
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective,
but only because your brakes are defective.
%%
You will survive the conflagration.
%%
You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
%%
You will triumph over your enemy.
%%
You will visit some faraway land that has long been in your waking thoughts.
%%
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
%%
You will walk or I will carry you.
Given the option, I'll...I'll walk.
 -- Worf and Q, "Deja Q", stardate 43539.1
%%
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
%%
You will wish you hadn't.
%%
You win a few, you lose a few. But I wish this one had been rained out.
%%
You won first prize..! Send me $50. and I'll send your prize!
%%
You won't find ME standing in front of a mirror weeping!
%%
You won't find out later that your cucumber
(a) is married,
(b) is on penicillin, 
(c) likes you -- but loves your brother!
 -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than men
%%
You won't learn much about capitalism at a university.  How could you?
Capitalism is a matter of risks and rewards, and a tenured professor doesn't
have much to do with either.
 -- Pournelle.
%%
You won't skid if you stay in a rut.
 -- Frank Hubbard
%%
You won't strain your eyes if you look at the bright side of things
 -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
%%
You worked in a lab on a static model. This is a working machine. It's
  got tens of thousands of light years on it.
 -- Geordi to Leah about the ENTERPRISE, "Booby Trap", stardate 43205.6
%%
You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
%%
You work with your females, arm them, and force them to wear clothing.
 -- Letek about Yar, "The Last Outpost", stardate 41386.4
%%
You worry that if you lower your guard, even for one second, your
whole world will disintegrate into chaos.
%%
You worry too much about your job. Stop it.
 You're not paid enough to worry.
%%
You worthless dweebified, unjustified, leftover DNA.
%%
You would be lost without me.
%%
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
%%
You wouldn't believe what she can do with a carton of milk and a tuning fork!
%%
You wouldn't be so smug if you really knew what was going on.
%%
You wouldn't fit and would die if you could.
%%
You wouldn't happen to have anything less... ducky?
%%
You wouldn't only sell your grandmother, you'd send her C.O.D.!
%%
You Wouldn't Understand..........It's A Computer Thing!
%%
You wouldn't want to meet the person of your dreams in a bar. 'Cause when
 you get married and your little boy says, "Dad, what was it like when you
 first met Mom?" you've got to go, "Well, son, I woke up and there she was."
 -- Jonathan Solomon
%%
You would rather be admired than liked, although you would prefer both.
%%
You would rather blame yourself than others, but you don't waste
much time doing either when things go wrong.
%%
You would toss a drowning man both ends of a rope.
%%
You write with ease to show your breeding,
But easy writing 's curst hard reading.
 -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816)
 -- Clio's Protest, Life of Sheridan (Moore), Vol. i, p. 155
%%
You, you, and you panic.  The rest of you, come with me.
%%
You yourself
Are much condemn'd to have an itching palm.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Julius Caesar
 -- Act iv, Sc. 3
%%
You, you, you shouldn't, you shouldn't traumatize women with
sexual intercourse.  I should know, I'm a medieval doctor, I own
a mansion and a yacht.
%%
Yow!  Am I having fun yet?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Am I in Milwaukee?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Are we laid back yet?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Are we wet yet?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Are you the self-frying president?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
YOW!!  Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
YOW!!!  I am having fun!!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  I just went below the poverty line!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  I'm having a quadraphonic sensation of two winos
 alone in a steel mill!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
YOW!!  I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Is my fallout shelter termite proof?
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Is this sexual intercourse yet??  Is it, huh, is it??
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  I threw up on my window!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  It's some people inside the wall!  This is better than mopping!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  I want my nose in lights!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY--
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL
 when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
YOW!!  Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY
 and th' new TAX REFORM laws!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Now we can become alcoholics!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
YOW!!  The land of the rising SONY!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
YOW!!  Up ahead!  It's a DONUT HUT!!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Yow!  We're going to a new disco!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
YOW!!  What should the entire human race DO??  Consume a fifth
 of CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild
 SEX WEEKEND!
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
:Yow!: /yow/ [from "Zippy the Pinhead" comix] interj. A favored hacker
   expression of humorous surprise or emphasis.  "Yow!  Check out what
   happens when you twiddle the foo option on this display hack!"
   Compare {gurfle}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Yoyodyne Propulsions Sys,Inc - The 7th Dimension + Beyond
%%
YOYO MODE n. State in which the system is said to be when it rapidly
alternates several times between being up and being down.
 -- From the AI Hackers' Dictionary
%%
:yoyo mode: n. The state in which the system is said to be when it
   rapidly alternates several times between being up and being down.
   Interestingly (and perhaps not by coincidence), many hardware
   vendors give out free yoyos at Usenix exhibits.

   Sun Microsystems gave out logoized yoyos at SIGPLAN '88.  Tourists
   staying at one of Atlanta's most respectable hotels were
   subsequently treated to the sight of 200 of the country's top
   computer scientists testing yo-yo algorithms in the lobby.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
YOYO: (See EFBI)
%%
Yo-yo:  Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
%%
.yrammus yrotagilbo eht tsop ll'I
 -- from a sun-managers message
%%
YTERM:  A terminal program for queries.
%%
Ytterbium:  A rare and inconsequential element, named after the
   village of Ytterby, Sweden (not to be confused with
   Iturbi, the late pianist and film personality, who
   was actually Spanish, not Swedish).  Ytterbium is
   used mainly to fill block 70 in the periodic table.
   Iturbi was used mainly to play Jane Powell's father.
 -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
%%
Ytterby, Sweden begat 4 elements: Yttrium, Ytterbium, Terbium, Erbium
%%
Yugoslavian ceasefire [noun]:
Unit of time, roughly equal to the time it take to reload a gun.
 -- "Ny Tid" (Norwegian Weekly).
%%
Yugo's - Yesterday's technology today.
%%
Yugo: YUGO fast--You hit a tree--YUGO through the window!
%%
Yukon Fred's Pizzeria and Gator Pit
%%
YUMMIE--Young Upwardly Mobile Mutant
%%
Yuppie pregnant women don't go into labor, they go straight into management.
 -- Fred Reuss
%%
[Yuppies] are fickle and greedy, prone to panic like penguins, and naked
 of roots or serious political convictions.
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
YUPPIES: <Y>es, <U>nder <P>eer <P>ressure <I>'ll
  <E>at <S>hit
 -- Chris Squire
%%
Yuppie version of Twinkle Twinkle Little star:

   Scintillate, scintillate, globule orific
   How I conjecture your nature specific
   Way above in the ethereal stratosphere
   Like a giant gem carbonaceous.

   When torrid Phoebus refuses his presence
   And ceases to lamp with fierce incandescence
   Then you illumine the regions supernal
   Scintillate, scintillate, semper nocturnal.

   Then the victim of hospiceless peregrination
   Gratefully hails your minute coruscation
   He could not determine his journey's direction
   But for your bright scintillating protection.
 -- Gyles Brandreth, "The Joy of Lex"
%%
Yuppie Wannabes:
 An X Generation subgroup that believes the myth of a yuppie
life-style being both satisfying and viable. Tend to be highly in
debt, involved in some form of substance abuse, and show a willingness
to talk about Armageddon after three drinks.
 -- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Yup, this is the new "Ronco Pocket Nuke."  Can level a city block.
%%
Yup, you're losing your marbles. (on a statistical problem involving
marbles in a jar)
%%
:Yu-Shiang Whole Fish: /yoo-shyang hohl fish/ n. obs. The
   character gamma (extended SAIL ASCII 0001001), which with a loop in
   its tail looks like a little fish swimming down the page.  The term
   is actually the name of a Chinese dish in which a fish is cooked
   whole (not {parse}d) and covered with Yu-Shiang (or Yu-Hsiang)
   sauce.  Usage: primarily by people on the MIT LISP Machine, which
   could display this character on the screen.  Tends to elicit
   incredulity from people who hear about it second-hand.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
...ywercs lla og tsuj sgniht semitemoS
%%
Y' yin quap' je! (Klingon for "Survive and succeed".)
%%
*Y *Y    <- Tribbles Snorkelling
%%
Za dvumya zaitsami pogonish'sya, ne odnogo ne poimaesh'.
[If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.]
 -- Russian proverb
%%
ZANTHOXYLUM
  Same as Xanthoxylum. The word most often saved for a triple word
  score in Scrabble. (C'mon guys, couldn't you find a sensible way of
  spelling it?!)
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
ZANY, n.  A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with
ludicrous incompetence the _buffone_, or clown, and was therefore the
ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters
of the play.  The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as
we to-day have the unhappiness to know him.  In the zany we see an
example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission.  Another
excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the
rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the
devil.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ZANZIBARI, n.  An inhabitant of the Sultanate of Zanzibar, off the
eastern coast of Africa.  The Zanzibaris, a warlike people, are best
known in this country through a threatening diplomatic incident that
occurred a few years ago.  The American consul at the capital occupied
a dwelling that faced the sea, with a sandy beach between.  Greatly to
the scandal of this official's family, and against repeated
remonstrances of the official himself, the people of the city
persisted in using the beach for bathing.  One day a woman came down
to the edge of the water and was stooping to remove her attire (a pair
of sandals) when the consul, incensed beyond restraint, fired a charge
of bird-shot into the most conspicuous part of her person.
Unfortunately for the existing _entente cordiale_ between two great
nations, she was the Sultana.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:zap: 1. n. Spiciness.  2. vt. To make food spicy.  3. vt. To make
   someone `suffer' by making his food spicy.  (Most hackers love
   spicy food.  Hot-and-sour soup is considered wimpy unless it makes
   you wipe your nose for the rest of the meal.)  See {zapped}.
   4. vt. To modify, usually to correct; esp. used when the action
   is performed with a debugger or binary patching tool.  Also implies
   surgical precision.  "Zap the debug level to 6 and run it again."
   In the IBM mainframe world, binary patches are applied to programs
   or to the OS with a program called `superzap', whose file name is
   `IMASPZAP' (possibly contrived from I M A SuPerZAP).  5. vt. To
   erase or reset.  6. To {fry} a chip with static electricity.
   "Uh oh --- I think that lightning strike may have zapped the disk
   controller."
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:zapped: adj. Spicy.  This term is used to distinguish between food
   that is hot (in temperature) and food that is *spicy*-hot.
   For example, the Chinese appetizer Bon Bon Chicken is a kind of
   chicken salad that is cold but zapped; by contrast, {vanilla}
   wonton soup is hot but not zapped.  See also {{oriental food}},
   {laser chicken}.  See {zap}, senses 1 and 2.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
<ZAP> That was not manual override.
 -- Data, "Contagion", stardate 42609.1
%%
ZAP     Zero and Add Packed
%%
ZEAL, n.  A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and
inexperienced.  A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

    When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward
    He went away exclaiming:  "O my Lord!"
    "What do you want?" the Lord asked, bending down.
    "An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown."
                                                            Jum Coople
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
 -- Interpreting supervisors comments...
%%
Zealous, yet modest; innocent, though free;
Patient of toil, serene amidst alarms;
Inflexible in faith, invincible in arms.
 -- James Beattie (1735-1803)
 -- The Minstrel, Book i, Stanza 11
%%
ZEAL:
Quality seen in new graduates -- if you're quick.
%%
ZEBRA
  A horse with stripes added. Now available in five different
  colours, and with optional spots. Zebras are now almost extinct,
  most of their number having been skinned to make pedestrian
  crossings. Just remember that the next time you cross the street,
  or play 'Abbey Road', you heartless bastards. Actually, I think if
  zebras had been spotted instead of striped, zebra crossings would
  be much more distinctive. Perhaps it's not too late to try leopard
  crossings.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Zeb: "Tomorrow I will seven eagles see, a great comet
will appear, and voices will speak from whirlwinds
foretelling monstrous and fearful things.
This Universe never did make sense;
I suspect it was built on government contract".
 -- Robert A. Heinlein, 666
%%
Zekle crep' up quite unbeknown
  An' peeked in thru' the winder,
An' there sot Huldy all alone,
  'Ith no one nigh to hender.
 -- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
 -- The Biglow Papers, Second Series, The Courtin'
%%
Zen Buddhists do it
because they don't want to do it
because they want to do it.
%%
ZENITH, n.  The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man
standing or a growing cabbage.  A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot
is not considered as having a zenith, though from this view of the
matter there was once a considerably dissent among the learned, some
holding that the posture of the body was immaterial.  These were
called Horizontalists, their opponents, Verticalists.  The
Horizontalist heresy was finally extinguished by Xanobus, the
philosopher-king of Abara, a zealous Verticalist.  Entering an
assembly of philosophers who were debating the matter, he cast a
severed human head at the feet of his opponents and asked them to
determine its zenith, explaining that its body was hanging by the
heels outside.  Observing that it was the head of their leader, the
Horizontalists hastened to profess themselves converted to whatever
opinion the Crown might be pleased to hold, and Horizontalism took its
place among _fides defuncti_.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Zeno first started that doctrine that knavery is the best defence
against a knave.
 -- Plutarch (46-120 AD)
 -- Of Bashfulness
%%
Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.
%%
Zen: the sound of the ax chopping. Chopping logic.
 -- Edward Abbey
%%
:zen: vt. To figure out something by meditation or by a sudden flash
   of enlightenment.  Originally applied to bugs, but occasionally
   applied to problems of life in general.  "How'd you figure out the
   buffer allocation problem?"  "Oh, I zenned it."  Contrast {grok},
   which connotes a time-extended version of zenning a system.
   Compare {hack mode}.  See also {guru}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ZEOW    Zero Every Other Word
%%
Zerochs Consultant: This individual is trained to tell you what you want to
 hear in the manner least likely to upset you. Such persons clone themselves
 or "Xerox" their person to the person to whom they are assigned, so that
 whatever is reported to the person for whom they work is reported in such a
 manner as to fairly often get ignored completely. Zerochs consultants write
 a wide variety of government reports on fairly serious subjects.
%%
Zero defects: The result of shutting down a production line.
 -- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
Zero G and I fell fine.
%%
ZERO
  Nothing. Zilch. Having no measurable size, amount. Normally used to
  describe intelligence, probability, bank balances, luck, investment
  funds, chance, laughs in this paragraph, etc.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
Zero raised to the nth power remains zero.
 -- Pop Baslim
%%
:zeroth: /zee'rohth/ adj. First.  Among software designers, comes
   from C's and LISP's 0-based indexing of arrays.  Hardware people
   also tend to start counting at 0 instead of 1; this is natural
   since, e.g., the 256 states of 8 bits correspond to the binary
   numbers 0, 1, ..., 255 and the digital devices known as
   `counters' count in this way.

   Hackers and computer scientists often like to call the first
   chapter of a publication `chapter 0', especially if it is of an
   introductory nature (one of the classic instances was in the First
   Edition of {K&R}).  In recent years this trait has also been
   observed among many pure mathematicians (who have an independent
   tradition of numbering from 0).  Zero-based numbering tends to
   reduce {fencepost error}s, though it cannot eliminate them
   entirely.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Zero tolerance/infinite hypocrisy
%%
:zero: vt. 1. To set to 0.  Usually said of small pieces of data,
   such as bits or words (esp. in the construction `zero out').  2. To
   erase; to discard all data from.  Said of disks and directories,
   where `zeroing' need not involve actually writing zeroes throughout
   the area being zeroed.  One may speak of something being
   `logically zeroed' rather than being `physically zeroed'.  See
   {scribble}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ZEUS, n.  The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter
and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.  Some explorers
who have touched upon the shores of America, and one who professes to
have penetrated a considerable distance to the interior, have thought
that these four names stand for as many distinct deities, but in his
monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that the natives
are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he
worships under many sacred names.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
:zigamorph: /zig'*-morf/ n. 1. Hex FF (11111111) when used as a
   delimiter or {fence} character.  Usage: primarily at IBM shops.
   2. [proposed] n. The Unicode non-character +UFFFF
   (1111111111111111), a character code which is not assigned to any
   character, and so is usable as end-of-string.  (Unicode (a subset
   of ISO 10646) is a 16-bit character code intended to cover all of
   the world's writing systems, including Roman, Greek, Cyrillic,
   Chinese, hiragana, katakana, Devanagari, Easter Island
   `rongo-rongo', and even {Elvish}.)
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
ZIGZAG
  Descriptive of a straight line as drawn by someone who is either
  extremely intoxicated, has absolutely no coordination, is racked by
  indecision about direction, or any combination of the three.
      Any zigzag line drawn under the above conditions will in all
  probability involve more zigging than zagging (or vice versa), and
  in the case of intoxication, there is quite likely to be zogging,
  zugging and zegging involved.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
ZIGZAG, v.t.  To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one
carrying the white man's burden.  (From _zed_, _z_, and _jag_, an
Icelandic word of unknown meaning.)

    He zedjagged so uncomen wyde
    Thet non coude pas on eyder syde;
    So, to com saufly thruh, I been
    Constreynet for to doodge betwene.
                                                               Munwele
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ZIP
  Object placed in clothing, designed to get stuck at the most
  inconvenient and/or embarrassing times. When placed in men's
  trousers, the humble zip can be lethal, or at least very painful.
  I'm sure I don't need to explain why, but let's just say it makes
  most men wince almost as much as the word "Bobbit". Take care,
  chaps.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:zipperhead: [IBM] n. A person with a closed mind.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Zippermakers do it on the fly.
%%
zip: placing protection while climbing. compare with unzip.
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
:zip: [primarily MS-DOS] vt. To create a compressed archive from a
   group of files using PKWare's PKZIP or a compatible archiver.  Its
   use is spreading now that portable implementations of the algorithm
   have been written.  Commonly used as follows: "I'll zip it up and
   send it to you."  See {tar and feather}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses...
 -- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Z.I.S.es:  Zero Information Statements.
%%
zizz: sound made by a rope running without restraint through a braking
device during a free rappel. the sound changes markedly when joined by
a piece of clothing or hair (see scree).
 -- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Zmodem has bigger bits, softer blocks, and tighter ASCII.
%%
ZODIAC
  Twelve symbols based on constellations that someone probably saw
  through a very dodgy telescope, as they ain't up there now. The
  Zodiac has become the foundation for the income of astrologers, who
  fall into the Useless Portion of the Population, defined by Toxic
  Custard to include chain letter senders, ballet instructors, opera
  singers and arts students. Note that religious leaders are not
  included in this list -- they're good to laugh at.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
:zombie: [UNIX] n. A process that has died but has not yet
   relinquished its process table slot (because the parent process
   hasn't executed a `wait(2)' for it yet).  These can be seen in
   `ps(1)' listings occasionally.  Compare {orphan}.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
 -- Evan Esar
%%
ZOO
  Generally a large location where a number of animals are kept,
  often against their will. Designers of fenceless zoos need to be
  very careful when estimating the width and depth of the trenches
  against how far some of the more enthusiastic animals with sharp
  teeth can jump. A miscalculation could result in long searches for
  bits of zoo visitors inside various animals' stomachs.
      Security at zoos should always be a priority. Last year at
  Melbourne Zoo, five hooligans broke into the zoo at night and
  taught some of the gorillas how to do the long jump. Then the four
  of them showed the tigers how to climb out of their cages, and the
  one that was left was found feeding arms to the killer whales.
 -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
%%
ZOOLOGY, n.  The science and history of the animal kingdom, including
its king, the House Fly (_Musca maledicta_).  The father of Zoology
was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother
has not come down to us.  Two of the science's most illustrious
expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we
learn (_L'Histoire generale des animaux_ and _A History of Animated
Nature_) that the domestic cow sheds its horn every two years.
 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
ZOOT:  I'm afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours.
       We are but eightscore young blondes, all between sixteen and
       nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle, with no one to protect us.
       Oooh.  It is a lonely life ... bathing ...  dressing ... undressing ...
       making exciting underwear....
 -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
:zorch: /zorch/ 1. [TMRC] v. To attack with an inverse heat
   sink.  2. [TMRC] v. To travel, with v approaching c
   [that is, with velocity approaching lightspeed --- ESR].  3. [MIT]
   v. To propel something very quickly.  "The new comm software is
   very fast; it really zorches files through the network."  4. [MIT]
   n.  Influence.  Brownie points.  Good karma.  The intangible and
   fuzzy currency in which favors are measured.  "I'd rather not ask
   him for that just yet; I think I've used up my quota of zorch with
   him for the week."  5. [MIT] n. Energy, drive, or ability.  "I
   think I'll {punt} that change for now; I've been up for 30 hours
   and I've run out of zorch."  6. [MIT] v. To flunk an exam or
   course.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:zorkmid: /zork'mid/ n. The canonical unit of currency in
   hacker-written games.  This originated in {zork} but has spread
   to {nethack} and is referred to in several other games.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
:Zork: /zork/ n. The second of the great early experiments in computer
   fantasy gaming; see {ADVENT}.  Originally written on MIT-DM
   during the late 1970s, later distributed with BSD UNIX (as a patched,
   sourceless RT-11 FORTRAN binary; see {retrocomputing}) and
   commercialized as `The Zork Trilogy' by Infocom.  The FORTRAN
   source was later rewritten for portability and released to USENET
   under the name "Dungeon".  Both FORTRAN "Dungeon" and
   translated C versions are available at many FTP sites.
 -- The AI Hackers Dictionary
%%
Zounds! I was never so bethump'd with words
Since I first call'd my brother's father dad.
 -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King John
 -- Act ii, Sc. 2
%%
ZPI     ZaP Immediate
%%
I think, therefore I did not vote for Clinton!
%%
Clinton - From a chicken in every pot, to a chicken who smoked pot
%%
"The greatnes of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its
animals are treated."

- Mahatma Gandhi.
%%
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that
sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.
%%
You will get a fair trial, after which you will be shot.
%%
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws.
%%
"Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to real life."
 - K. Marx
%%
"Two monologues do not make a dialogue."
 - DeNever
%%
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
%%
Every politician has a price, some hold bargain sales.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
%%
"An appeaser is one who feeds the crocodile, hoping it will eat him last."
 - Winston Churchill
%%
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."
 - Mel Brooks.
%%
"You grow up the day you have a first real laugh - at yourself."
 - Ethel Barrynore
%%
 On this day 1.7.96
 1937 - The 999 emergency service came into operation in Britain
%%
 On this day 1.7.96
 1916 - Thousands died on the first day of the Battle of the Somme.
%%
 On this day 1.7.96
 1858 - Charles Darwin presented his theory of evelution to the Linnean Society in London.
%%
 On this day 30.6.96
 1960 - Norman Bates was unleashed onto an unsuspecting world when Hitchcock's classic
        chiller Psycho was premiered in New York.
%%
 On this day 30.6.96
 1894 - Londons's tower bridge was officially opened to traffic by the Prince of Wales.
%%
"Without music, life would be a mistake."
 - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.
%%
"In youth, the absence of pleasure is pain. IN old age the absence of pain is pleasure."
 - Henry Addington, former Prime Minister
%%
"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people."
 - Oscar Wilde. 1854 - 1900
%%
"Knowledge is not compassion, without compassion knowledge breeds mischief."
 - Krishnamurti, Indian sage.
%%
 On this day 28.6.96
 1919 - A Peace Treaty between Germany and the Allies was signed in the Palace of Versailles,
        ending "The Great War".
%%
 On this day 28.6.96
 1838 - Queen Victoria was crowned, aged only 19.
%%
 On this day 25.6.96
 1876 - Custer's last stand took place at Little Big Horn, Montana
%%
 On this day 25.6.96
 1945 - The United Nations organisation was founded.
%%
If you think education is expensive - try ignorance.
  - Derek Bok, Harvard University president.
%%
 \==================================|                    _=_
  \_________________________________/              ___/==   ==\___
               """\__      \"""       |======================================/
                     \__    \_          / ..  . _/--=== _____ ===--""
                        \__   \       _/.  .. _/         ` '
     USS ENTERPRISE      \__ \   __/_______/
        NCC-1701          ___-\_\-'---== ____|
                    __-- " .    . .        "==_
                    /  |. .  ..     -------- | \
                    "== _    .   .  -------- | /
                         ""\___  . ..     __=="
                               """"--=--""
%%
Intel Inside - Idoit Outside
%%
  _______________________________
 /\                              \
/  \    __________________________\
\   \   \                         /
 \   \   \___________________    /
  \   \   \             /   /   /
   \   \   \           /   /   /
    \   \   \         /   /   /
     \   \   \       /   /   /
      \   \   \     /   /   /
       \   \   \   /   /   /
        \   \   \ /   /   /
         \   \   /   /   /
          \   \ /   /   /
           \       /   /
            \     /   /
             \   /   /
              \ /___/

The impossible triangle, by M.C. Escher.
%%
A huge green fierce snake bars your way!
%%
Complexity increases the possibility of failure
%%
A twin-engine airplane has twice as many engine problems
as a single-engine airplane.
%%
No one gets into trouble without his own help.
%%
No two persons ever read the same book.
%%
Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious.
%%
Northern Ireland has a problem for every solution.
%%
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
%%
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
%%
Nothing is so firmly believed as that of which we know least.
%%
Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits.
%%
Nothing you put in a banana split is as fattening as a spoon.
%%
Nymphomaniac : a girl who trips you up and is under you before you hit the floor.
%%
Objectivity is in the eyes of the beholder.
%%
Old doctors never die.  They just lose their patients.
%%
Old fishermen never die.  They just smell that way.
%%
Old genealogists never die.  They just lose their census.
%%
Old informers never die.  They're just put out to grass.
%%
Old lawyers never die.  They just lose their appeal.
%%
Old plumbers never die.  They just go down the drain.
%%
Old professors never die. They just lose their faculties.
%%
Old teachers never die.  They just lose their class.
%%
One-legged girls are a pushover.
%%
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that you're always making
exciting discoveries.
%%
One of the times when silence annoys is when the car engine won't start.
%%
One thing men can't understand about women is how well women understand men.
%%
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
%%
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
%%
Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat.
%%
Only the young die good.
%%
Our characters are the result of our conduct.
- Aristotle
%%
Our customer's paper work is profit. Our own paper work is loss.
%%
Owing to lack of interest tomorrow has been cancelled.
%%
Paradox: a truth standing on its head to attract attention.
%%
Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be kept by understanding.
 Albert Einstein
%%
Pedants rule, Ok - or, more accurately, exhibit certain of the trappings
of traditional leadership.
%%
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
%%
Perforation is a rip-off.
%%
Persuasion rules OK - just this once?
%%
Pigeonholing is interesting only for pigeons.
%%
Please don't throw your cigarette butts on the floor -
the cockroaches are getting cancer.
%%
Politics is the art of making it sound as if Father Christmas comes earlier in the year.
%%
Power corrupts - absolute power is even more fun.
%%
Predestination was doomed to failure from the start.
%%
Prepare to meet thy God.  ( Evening dress optional )
%%
Procrastinate now!
%%
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
%%
Procrastination will rule one day, O.K. ?
%%
Progress is like a wheelbarrow - if you don't keep pushing it stops.
%%
Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.
%%
Pseudo-intellectual: one who knows what "pseudo" means.
%%
Psychologists say people with hobbies are not likely to go crazy -
but this doesn't apply to the people they live with.
%%
Psychology: getting habits out of a rat.
%%
Quasimodo - that name rings a bell.
%%
Real Programmers are always surprised when their car odometer doesn't turn
immediately from 47777 to 50000.
%%
Real Programmers can't change a car tyre;
that's a hardware problem.
%%
Reality is for people who can't cope with drugs.
%%
Recursion is like a bureaucracy: a bureaucrat does one small part of the job,
and then passes it on to an exact copy of himself...
%%
Recursion: see Recursion.
%%
Remember that opportunity is a dare - not a door.
%%
Relief map: a set of directions showing how to get to the nearest outhouse.
%%
Religion is man's attempt to communicate with the weather.
%%
Remorse is the period between one hangover and another.
%%
Research is an organised method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.
%%
Reunite Gondwanaland!
%%
Richard the Lion-Heart is alive and well and asking Christian Barnard for his money back.
%%
Roget's Thesaurus dominates, regulates, rules, OK, all right, adequately.
%%
Rooner spules, OK.
%%
Rugby is a game played by gentlemen with odd shaped balls.
%%
Rush hour: that hour when the traffic is almost at a standstill.
%%
Safecracker: one without tuna on it.
%%
Safeguard your health.  Don't sleep with any damp women.
%%
Save energy - be apathetic.
%%
Save trees - eat a beaver.
%%
Say it with flowers.  Give her a triffid.
%%
Sceptics, may or may not rule, O.K.
%%
Schizophrenia rules, OK, OK.
%%
Scientists have reduced the number of calamities we can blame on God.
%%
Self-made men can be glaring examples of unskilled labour.
%%
Sign on Antique Shop : Come in and buy what your grandmother threw away.
%%
Silence is better than unmeaning words.
%%
Silence is not always golden; sometimes it is yellow.
%%
Smart people speak from experience.
Smarter people, from experience, don't speak.
%%
Snobbery is the pride of those who are not sure of their position.
%%
Snow White thought 7-up was a soft drink until she discovered Smirnoff.
%%
Solicitor : A lady barrister without her briefs.
%%
Some day my ship will come in, and with my luck I'll be at the airport.
%%
Some days the only good things on TV are the vase and clock.
%%
Some folks are wise, and some are otherwise.
%%
Some men's heads are as easily blown away as their hats.
%%
Some people are like blisters: they never appear until the work is done.
%%
Sometimes the message has to be blunt so you will see the point.
%%
Spanish punks rule, ole!
%%
Specimen: an Italian astronaut.
%%
Spring is sprung, the grass is riz.
I wonders where the boidies is.
Some soi the boid is on the wing.
But that's absoid!  The wing's on the boid.
%%
Stamp out quicksand.
%%
Standing on your dignity is a very insecure footing.
%%
Statesmen tell you what is true even though it may be unpopular.
Politicians will tell you what is popular, even though it may be untrue.
%%
Sterility is hereditary.
%%
STOP PRESS : Archduke Franz Ferdinand found alive.  First World War a mistake.
%%
Stop the world, I want to get off.
%%
Streakers beware - your end is in sight.
%%
Success has ruined many a good man.
%%
Sudden prayers make God jump.
%%
Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.
%%
Support your local taxidermist.  Get stuffed.
%%
Suppose they gave a war and nobody came?
%%
Sycophancy rules - if it's OK by you.
%%
Synonyms govern, all right.
%%
Television: a medium.  So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
%%
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you.
Tell him a seat has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
%%
Tell the truth, and so puzzle and confound your adversaries.
%%
Thank God I'm an atheist.
%%
The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.
%%
The amateur is the one with all the answers.
%%
The amount of sleep needed by the average person is ten minutes more.
%%
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
%%
The average woman talks 50 per cent more than her husband listens.
%%
The Basic Law of Budgets:  You can only spend it once.
%%
The best-laid plans of mice and men are in the files SOMEWHERE.
%%
The best things in life are duty free.
%%
The big thing today is computer dating.
If you don't know how to run a computer it really dates you.
%%
The camel is a horse designed by a committee.
%%
The cops are ALWAYS around when you DON'T want them.
%%
The day will happen whether or not you get up.
%%
The days of good English has went.
%%
The decision is maybe and that's final.
%%
The difference between a used car salesman and a computer salesman is that
the used car salesman knows when he's telling lies.
%%
The easiest way to stay awake during an after-dinner speech is to deliver it.
%%
The end of the world is nigh!
Repent, and return those library books immediately!
%%
The ends justify the jeans.
%%
The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' - and then proceed
to tell you why it isn't.
%%
The existence of a market does not guarantee the existence of a customer.
%%
The fundamental solvency of a company is inversely proportional to the
opulency of its head office.
%%
The fundamental problem of representative government is that the people who
would be best for the job least want it, and vice versa.
%%
The golden age never was the present age.
%%
The Golden Rule:
    He who has the gold, makes the rules.
%%
The government claims it's following the will of the people.
I didn't even know we'd died!
%%
The grass is always greener on the other fellow's grave.
%%
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
%%
The grass is brown on both sides of the fence.
%%
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
%%
The hangman let us down.
%%
:backgammon:: See {bignum}, {moby}, and {pseudoprime}.
%%
:background: n.,adj.,vt.  To do a task `in background' is to do
   it whenever {foreground} matters are not claiming your undivided
   attention, and `to background' something means to relegate it to
   a lower priority.  "For now, we'll just print a list of nodes and
   links; I'm working on the graph-printing problem in background."
   Note that this implies ongoing activity but at a reduced level or
   in spare time, in contrast to mainstream `back burner' (which
   connotes benign neglect until some future resumption of activity).
   Some people prefer to use the term for processing that they have
   queued up for their unconscious minds (a tack that one can often
   fruitfully take upon encountering an obstacle in creative work).
   Compare {amp off}, {slopsucker}.

   Technically, a task running in background is detached from the
   terminal where it was started (and often running at a lower
   priority); oppose {foreground}.  Nowadays this term is primarily
   associated with {{UNIX}}, but it appears to have been first used
   in this sense on OS/360.
%%
:backspace and overstrike: interj. Whoa!  Back up.  Used to suggest
   that someone just said or did something wrong.  Common among
   APL programmers.
%%
TOP TEN lines from the upcoming TNG episode,
"The Enterprise Stops at Taco Bell":

10) (Troi) I sense... indigestion.
9) (Picard) Don't order the fajitas, Number One, they'll go through you at
   warp nine.
8) (Wesley, guest starring) Look, mister, the sign says you get a free "Little
   Orphan Annie" cup with any taco salad purchase, and I'm not leaving here till
   I get one!
7) (Worf) Klingons do NOT eat burritos!
6) (Geordi) I bet if I allowed anti-matter to collide with these chimichangas
   we could boost warp power by 27 percent!
5) (Dr. Crusher, pointing tricorder at a taco) Inconclusive meat readings,

   Captain.
4) (Picard) You're on, Number One. Whoever can squirt the most jalapeno sauce
   up his nose gets treated to dessert.
3) (Riker) What do you mean you don't serve tokelau here? What kind of Mexican
   restaurant is this?
2) (Data, re-joining Geordi after bugging Picard with a boring monologue on
   the history of the enchilada) I do not believe it is physically possible
   for me to place an enchilada in the area suggested by the Captain.
1) (Picard) When we get back on the ship and you have the conn, Number One,
   you'd better not queef on my chair!
%%
    the TOP TEN Favorite Activities of Capt. Jean-Luc Picard
---------------------------------------------------------------

10) ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the
    forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
9) yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees
   a shuttlecraft
8) screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
7) spotlighting unsuspecting crewmembers with the glare from his forehead
6) lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other
   life-forms
5) sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if
   Dick Hertz is there
4) asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a
   REAL Picard Maneuver"
3) Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral
   Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
2) telling crewmembers in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead! Make it so!"
1) putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team
   beams back up
%%
       The TOP TEN reasons why Riker won't shave:
      --------------------------------------------
10) Hopes his beard will draw attention away from his constant silly smile.
9) He and Worf are having a beard-growing contest.
8) It helps hide the faint, hereditary birthmark on his chin that proves
   he's a werewolf.
7) Hopes to look scarier to hostile aliens.
6) Starfleet has bridge personnel hair quotas and he's trying to make up
   for Picard.
5) He thinks Troi finds it sexy.
4) (seasons 2 to mid-4 only) Didn't trust himself to pick up a can of shaving
   cream because the temptation to go and spray it at Wesley was too great.
3) Wants to look more like his hero, Ming the Merciless.
2) Every time he does, Q makes his beard grow back in five minutes as a gag.
1) Picard won't let him fire up his photon blade.
%%
    The TOP TEN upcoming episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation
           (including a preview of the first TNG movie!)

10) Breeding Grounds - Organian frat boys replace the coffee normally
             served on the Enterprise with Folger's crystals spiked with
             Klingon aphrodisiacs
9) Electro-Q-tion (alternate title: Q d'etat) - Q endows every Starfleet
             uniform on the Enterprise with permanent static cling; the
             Captain breaks the record for most shirt-tugging "Picard
             Maneuvers" in one episode
8) The Bonding II - Picard accidentally Crazy Glues himself to the table
             in his ready room
7) Deanna Does Pallas - while the Enterprise is on a mission in the Solar
             System's asteroid belt, Counselor Troi's Betazoid sex drive
             reaches its peak
6) Hell Hath No Fury - Keiko buries a machete in O'Brien's back after finding
             him on the holodeck cheating on her with a computer-generated
             bimbo
5) Globular Mustard - an alien probe of unknown origin pulls abreast of the
             Enterprise, opens hailing frequencies, and asks, "Pardon me,
             do you have any Grey Poupon?"
4) Embroider at Needlepoint (alternate title: Prose-Q-ting Attorney) - Q puts
             humanity on trial again, claiming that it is a savage and 
             tasteless race, introducing as evidence a really ugly sweater
             that Dr. Crusher knitted Captain Picard for his last birthday
3) The Funted - superior aliens sieze the Enterprise claiming that they wish
             to study humans, but in a surprise ending reveal that the crew is
             really on Galactic Candid Camera
2) Out, Out, Damn Spot - Data's cat gets onto the bridge and spits up a
             hairball on Captain Picard
1) Star Trek VII: Up the Creek - Wesley and three of his pals must win a
             river rafting race for Starfleet Academy
%%
  the TOP TEN signs that the Enterprise is crewed by Satan worshipers!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

10) Ship's food synthesizers make only deviled ham and deviled eggs
9) Most common Sickbay complaint is neck cramps from being possessed by
   demons that make your head spin around, like in "The Exorcist"
8) Picard refuses to take the ship to any point in either the Northern or
   Southern Cross
7) When the Captain's Log is played backward, hidden messages advocating
   Satan worship and human sacrifice can be heard
6) A large cauldron, broomstick, and black, pointed hat are prominently
   displayed in Troi's quarters
5) Communicator pin changed to magical pentagram shape
4) Riker obviously made a pact with the devil that forces women to be
   attracted to him despite his zero personality
3) Forty percent of all male babies born on the ship are named "Lucifer"
2) Universal Translator designed to handle speaking in tongues
1) Picard tried to have the ship's name and registry changed to
   U.S.S. Beelzebub, NCC-666
%%
     the TOP TEN secrets about the Enterprise and its crew
     -----------------------------------------------------
10) All routine maintainence on the ship is done by Oompa-Loompas
9) Dr. Pulaski was sealed alive in a seldom used Jefferies tube by Data
   after she insulted him one too many times
8) Riker's parents were Nazis, his middle initial "T" stands for "Third"
7) Troi starts all counseling sessions with male crewmembers by asking
   "So, is that a phaser rifle in your pocket, or are you just glad to
   see me?"
6) Before joining Starfleet, Jean-Luc Picard was a Chippendale's dancer
5) "Worf" is Klingonese for "pinhead"
4) Riker amuses himself by signing all reports with the abbreviation
   "F. Off."
3) Geordi is taking a shuttlecraft apart and mailing it home piece by piece
2) Picard is Wesley's father
1) Due to a time travel accident, Wesley is Picard's father
%%
         the TOP TEN reasons Picard won't fire the phasers:
         --------------------------------------------------
10) He doesn't know how.
9)  He doesn't want to succumb to crew pressure.
8)  He doesn't want to lose the women attracted by his sensitive side.
7)  He doesn't want to use the same effects as the old show.
6)  Emily Post recommends not firing on a first encounter.
5)  It saves energy.
4)  He is on the holodeck pretending he has a life.
3)  He is promoting a kinder, gentler Starfleet.
2)  The other ship is probably carrying a relative of Tasha Yar.
1)  What would his mother say?
%%
      the TOP TEN worries of Capt. Jean-Luc Picard
      --------------------------------------------
10) Has to figure out at least a token punishment for Worf for killing
    a crew member who hid a tribble in Worf's bed as a practical joke
9) The impulse engines have been making a funny noise lately
8) Crew refers to him as "Captain Chrome-Dome Retard" behind his back
7) That the voices in his head telling him to throw Counselor Troi out
   an airlock will become too insistent to ignore
6) Ensign Ro has introduced a strain of Bejoran V.D. into the Enterprise
   population that cordrazine won't even put a dent in
5) Wesley might come to visit
4) Luwxanna Troi might come to visit
3) If he doesn't get the pizzas to Starbase 141 within thirty minutes,
   they're free
2) The way Data keeps reading "2001: A Space Odyssey" over and over again
1) Riker will keep turning down promotion after promotion and he'll NEVER
   be rid of the big dork!
%%
TOP 10 WORST STARFLEET NAMES AND REGISTRIES

10.  U.S.S. Answer   NCC 42
9.  U.S.S. Pickup    NCC 52
8.  U.S.S. Satan     NCC 666
7.  U.S.S. Friday    NCC 13-8
6.  U.S.S. Oldsmobile NCC 442
5.  U.S.S. James Bond  NCC 007
4.  U.S.S. Rescue   NCC 911
3.  U.S.S. Ivory    NCC 99 44/100
2.  U.S.S. George Orwell  NCC 1984

and the #1 Worst Starship name and registry

1.  U.S.S. Beverly Hills   NCC 90210

%%
     the TOP TEN Complaints of the Romulan Intelligence Agency

     ---------------------------------------------------------

10) Federation keeps smuggling loads of "Coed Naked Parise's Squares"
    T-shirts to Romulan universities
9) Every other officer is a clone of Tasha Yar
8) "Romulan" is an anagram for "unmoral"
7) Shoulder pads on our new uniforms are so big we look like a Vulcanoid
   version of the Green Bay Packers
6) Comissary at Agency HQ serves watered-down Romulan ale
5) Ever since we blew up our own Vulcan invasion force, it's been impossible
   to get volunteers for the next one
4) name "Enterprise" sounds suspiciosly like Romulan phrase "enn t'rp reis"
   meaning "your mother sucks eggs"
3) All of Sela's big plans work about as well as lead balloons
2) Stole the blueprints for the Federation's proposed Escher class starship,
   but can't make head nor tail out of them
1) $800 million credit cloaked surveillance satellite in Earth orbit was
   supposed to moniter Starfleet HQ, but only picks up MTV instead
%%
Music: Monty Python's lumberjack song
Singer: Commander Riker

Oh, I'm First Officer and I'm okay,
I sleep around and I work all day!
I man the bridge, I sign reports,
I go to the lavatory.
I hang out with the Captain, and he makes me drink Earl Grey tea!

Oh, I'm First Officer and I'm okay,
I sleep around and I work all day!
I man the bridge, I grow my beard,
I lead the away teams.
I've scored on every planet onto which I have been beamed!

Oh, I'm First Officer and I'm okay,
I sleep around and I work all day!
I play poker, I skip and jump,
I visit Risa when on leave.
When I whip out my horgon, the babes all run to me!
%%
TOP 10 Problems Wesley Crusher has at the Starfleet Academy


10.  Keeps bumping into doors that don't open for him
9.  Doesn't have his Mommy to protect him
8.  Will not get his credits in Transporter Science after he accidentally
    relocated the Academy to South Pole
7.  Boothby "accidentally" spraying water on him every chance he can
6.  Letters from Hugh G. Rection
5.  Former Nova Teammates putting anti-matter in his bed
4.  Thought his instructors were kidding when they said "You think you are
    so smart?  YOU teach the damned class!"
3.  Academy Internet node does not carry alt.sex newsgroups
2.  The commencement speaker will be the Captian of the Boseman

and the number one problem for Wesley Crusher at the Starfleet Academy:
1.  He never gets to save the Academy from destruction
%%
             the TOP TEN lines you'll never hear
              on Star Trek: The Next Generation
         -------------------------------------------

10) Worf: Klingons do *not* play tiddlywinks!
9) Picard: It's too bad we don't live in an enlightened, civilized era
            like they had in the twentieth century.
8) Geordi: Did you hear Wesley almost got kicked out of the academy again?
           They caught him smoking pot!
   Data: (looks puzzled) Pot? (brightens) Ah. Marijuana - a narcotic
         obtained from the hemp plant. Cannabis. Weed. Mary Jane. Grass.
         Reefer. Panama red...
7) Troi (to someone she is counseling): You've obviously mistaken me for
        someone who cares! Now get out!
6) Worf: Ouch! I got a paper cut!
5) a Starfleet admiral: Don't worry about it, Picard, there's plenty of
        other ships in your quadrant.
4) Riker: Not tonight - I have a headache.
3) Worf: Do we have to beam down right now? The Smurfs are on subspace T.V.!
2) Geordi: We've modified the warp coils by reversing the polarity of the
           inverse geometric phase integrator and adding a broad-band
           neutrino flux generator to the hyper-magnetic field controls.
   Riker: What will that do?
   Geordi: Not a damn thing, but it sure as hell *sounds* impressive!
1) Picard: Oh, screw the hailing frequencies. Fire all phasers!
%%
     the TOP TEN T-shirts worn by members of the Enterprise crew

     -----------------------------------------------------------


10) (Wesley)  Starfleet Academy Funnel Team
9) (Riker)  Play Jazz Naked
8) (Worf)  Klingons do NOT wear funny T-shirts!
7) (Picard)  Make it so!
6) (O'Brien)  Beam THIS up!
5) (Data)  Cochrane's equations
4) (Wesley)  Hard Rock Cafe - Tau Ceti
3) (Geordi)  Wanna see my dilithium crystals?
2) (Riker)  My Captain got assimilated by the Borg, and all I got was
            this lousy T-shirt!
1) (Picard)  Starship Captains do it at warp speed!
%%
     the TOP TWENTY surprise plot twists in upcoming TNG episodes


20) Worf signs his son Alexander up for ballet lessons
19) The distress call they have been answering is a prank Wesley sent from the Academy
18) Guinan removes her hat, revealing that she is a Saturday Night Live style Conehead
17) Picard beams down
16) All of Geordi's lines are in words of two syllables or less, with no pseudo-scientific doubletalk
15) Troi runs amok with a machete
14) Barclay is really the Captain; Picard is just an ensign, and all of his "command" has been a holodeck simulation
13) No guest stars are relatives of Tasha Yar
12) Geordi gets a woman
11) Riker *doesn't* get a woman
10) Data states that he cannot use contractions after using one in the previous scene, and the fabric of the universe,
    unable to withstand the continuity error, is rent asunder
9) Picard wakes up muttering "there's no place like home"
8) Riker accepts command of another starship, the U.S.S. ZZ Top
7) Ten Forward is turned into a strip-joint, with its lead act being Beverly Crusher as "The Dancing, Disrobing Doctor"
6) Tired of not being sure whether he is a lieutenant or a chief petty officer, O'Brien beams the entire bridge crew
   into a black hole and assumes the rank of Captain
5) Picard fires the phasers
4) "Prime Directive" is the word of the day, entire crew goes "Aaaaahhhhh!!" at the top of their lungs whenever it is 
   mentioned
3) Data's cat, Spot, is revealed as a Romulan spy
2) Wesley is affected the same as the rest of the crew, and a no-name security guard saves the ship
1) Picard switches from Earl Grey to Nestea Instant Tea Mix; does "Nestea Plunge" into swimming pool on holodeck
%%
        the TOP TEN command decisions Captain Picard has to make

        --------------------------------------------------------


10) Should he send Wesley an FTD Pick-Me-Up bouquet?
9) How big a tip to leave in 10-Forward
8) Should he open hailing frequencies or beam over a nice Hallmark
   card instead?
7) Stock up on minoxidol or turtle wax?
6) Whether or not to have easy-listening music played in the turbolifts
5) Should he put Spock on his Christmas card list?
4) Whether or not to have Data's cat neutered
3) Whether or not to have Commander Riker neutered
2) Bud or Coors?
1) Keep matter/antimatter warp engines or switch over to natural gas?
%%
TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL YOUR ROOMMATE IS A BORG

10.  Their clothes are always black
9.  The $50,000 phone bills
8.  They spend 3 weeks in Florida and still look white
7.  Your home entertainment center disappears, two days later they are 
    wearing it.
6.  TV reception gets poor when they walk by
5.  They spend more time reading newsgroups than you do
4.  Whenever you talk to them the laser on the side of their head 
    blings you
3.  An electronics store chain used them as a mascot
2.  They assimilate all your food
and the number one way to tell if your roommate is a Borg
1.  Everything is irrelavant
%%
:backward combatability: /bak'w*rd k*m-bat'*-bil'*-tee/ [from
   `backward compatibility'] n. A property of hardware or software
   revisions in which previous protocols, formats, and layouts are
   discarded in favor of `new and improved' protocols, formats, and
   layouts.  Occurs usually when making the transition between major
   releases.  When the change is so drastic that the old formats are
   not retained in the new version, it is said to be `backward
   combatable'.  See {flag day}.
%%
:BAD: /B-A-D/ [IBM: acronym, `Broken As Designed'] adj.  Said
   of a program that is {bogus} because of bad design and misfeatures
   rather than because of bugginess.  See {working as designed}.
%%
:Bad Thing: [from the 1930 Sellar & Yeatman parody `1066 And
   All That'] n. Something that can't possibly result in improvement
   of the subject.  This term is always capitalized, as in "Replacing
   all of the 9600-baud modems with bicycle couriers would be a Bad
   Thing".  Oppose {Good Thing}.  British correspondents confirm
   that {Bad Thing} and {Good Thing} (and prob. therefore {Right
   Thing} and {Wrong Thing}) come from the book referenced in the
   etymology, which discusses rulers who were Good Kings but Bad
   Things.  This has apparently created a mainstream idiom on the
   British side of the pond.
%%
:bag on the side: n. An extension to an established hack that is
   supposed to add some functionality to the original.  Usually
   derogatory, implying that the original was being overextended and
   should have been thrown away, and the new product is ugly,
   inelegant, or bloated.  Also v. phrase, `to hang a bag on the side
   [of]'.  "C++?  That's just a bag on the side of C ...."
   "They want me to hang a bag on the side of the accounting
   system."
%%
:bagbiter: /bag'bi:t-*r/ n. 1. Something, such as a program or a
   computer, that fails to work, or works in a remarkably clumsy
   manner.  "This text editor won't let me make a file with a line
   longer than 80 characters!  What a bagbiter!"  2. A person who has
   caused you some trouble, inadvertently or otherwise, typically by
   failing to program the computer properly.  Synonyms: {loser},
   {cretin}, {chomper}.  3. adj. `bagbiting' Having the
   quality of a bagbiter.  "This bagbiting system won't let me
   compute the factorial of a negative number."  Compare {losing},
   {cretinous}, {bletcherous}, `barfucious' (under
   {barfulous}) and `chomping' (under {chomp}).  4. `bite
   the bag' vi. To fail in some manner.  "The computer keeps crashing
   every 5 minutes."  "Yes, the disk controller is really biting the
   bag."  The original loading of these terms was almost undoubtedly
   obscene, possibly referring to the scrotum, but in their current
   usage they have become almost completely sanitized.

   A program called Lexiphage on the old MIT AI PDP-10 would draw on
   a selected victim's bitmapped terminal the words "THE BAG" in
   ornate letters, and then a pair of jaws biting pieces of it off.
   This is the first and to date only known example of a program
   *intended* to be a bagbiter.
%%
This guy had three lovely girlfriends, and he couldn't decide which one to
marry.  So he gave each of them $500 to see what they would do with the money.
The first one took the $500 and came back all excited and out of breath.
"Honey", she said, "I had a wonderful time with the money.  I went out and
bought jewelry and clothes, and had a terrific time.  Thank you so much."  The
second one took the $500 and came back and said.  "Darling, all I could think
of was you and how much I love you.  So here is $500 worth of presents just for
you to show you how much I think of you."  The third one took the $500 and came
back and said.  "Well, I took the $500 and invested it and turned it into
$3,000,so here is your original $500 and we will split the difference.  Which
one did he marry?  The one with the big tits (nothing ever changes).
%%
Two men were walking in the park when they came upon this dog that had bent
itself into a weird position and was licking its balls. One man said, "Gee! I
wish I could do that." The other man replied, "I think you better get to be
friends first."
%%
Two guys wandered into a bar. One of the men shouted to the barkeeper,"Hiya,
Mike.  Set 'em up for me and my pal here." Then he turned to his slightly dim
partner and boasted, "This is a great bar. For every two drinks you buy, the
house gives you one. And the pinball machines in the back are free!" "That's
not so great, "responded the friend.  "There's a bar across town That'll match
you drink for drink, and you can get laid in the back for free." "Where is this
place?" the first guy exclaimed.  "Oh, I don't know," the dim fellow replied,
"but my wife goes there all the time."
%%
A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw
this and asked, "Say there, whatcha doin' with that pig?" "That's not a pig,
stupid!" she said coldly."That's a duck." "I know," replied the drunk. "I was
talking to the duck."
%%
A woman walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. In a quandary
the bartender replies, "Anhauser Busch?" The woman answered, "fine and how's
your dick?"
%%
Off in the hill country the old man was sitting on his porch with his shotgun
across his knees waiting for his three daughters' dates to come pick them up.
The first one came and said to him, "Hello, I'm Bill. I'm here to pick up Jill.
We're going to walk up the hill" The old man told them to have a good time.
The next boy came up and said, "Hello, I`m Eddie. I'm here to pick up Betty.
We're going to eat spaghetti." The old man wished them well and off they went.
The third boy came up to the cabin and said, "Hello, I'm Chuck" and the old man
shot him.
%%
A guy from Georgia enrolled at Harvard and on his first day there was walking
across the campus and asked an upperclassman (drawling heavily),"Excuse me, can
you tell me where the library is at?" The upperclassman responded, "At Harvard
we do not end sentences with prepositions." The Georgian then replied, "Well
then, could you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"
%%
A man went to the doctor and said in a very deep gravely voice, "doctor is
there anything you can do for my voice?"  The doctor examined him, and noticed
that he had a 14-inch cock.  The doctor said, "I think the problem is that your
penis is too large."  "Can you help me?" said the man.  "No problem," the
doctor said, "we'll just cut it off!"  The man's voice returned to normal, but
his sex life was over.  The man called the doctor and asked him if he could get
his dick sewn back on.  The doctor said in a deep gravely voice, "Gee I'd like
to but I don't know where it is!"
%%
There's a new stamp out to commemorate prostitutes.  It's a 22-cent stamp --
unless you want to lick it.  Then, it's a dollar.
%%
Tarzan and Jane came to New York and were being interviewed. A reporter said,
'Tarzan, what is your wife's name?' Tarzan replied, "Jane.' The reporter then
said, 'No, what is her whole name?' Tarzan answered, 'Pussy'
%%
So this woman is at a supermarket and she sees the boxboy while going through
the checkout line and she's hot for him.  She's got to figure out how to let
him know.  Aha.  Her bags are packed and she asks the boxboy if he'll help her
take her bags out to her car.  So they're out on the lot and she says to him,
"I have an itchy pussy."  And he replies, "Look lady, you'll have to point it
out, all those Japanese cars look the same to me."
%%
I have a bad feeling about this.
%%
The Force will be with you...always!
%%
Use the Force !
%%
There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser.
                -- Han Solo
%%
A death mark's not an easy thing to live with.
                -- General Rieekan
%%
Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
                -- Han Solo
%%
"I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee."
"I can arrange that. You could use a good kiss!"
                -- Princess Leia & Han Solo
%%
"Sir, the temperature's dropping too rapidly."
"That's right. And my friends out in it."
"Your Tauntaun'll freeze before you reach the first marker."
"Then I'll see you in hell!"
                -- Deck Officer & Han Solo
%%
Don't say thing like that! Of course we'll see Master Luke
again. He'll be quite all right, you'll see.
                -- C3PO
%%
Stupid little short-circuit.
                -- C3PO (to R2D2)
%%
Artoo has been known to make mistakes...from time to time.
                -- C3PO
%%
Ooh...I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
                -- Han Solo
%%
Master Luke, sir, it's good to see you fully functional again.
                -- C3PO
%%
"I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight."
"I don't know where you get you delusions, laser brain."
                -- Han Solo & princess Leia
%%
You stuck up,...half-witted,...scruffy-looking...nerf-herder!
                -- Princess Leia
%%
I guess you don't know everything about women yet
                -- Princess Leia
%%
"Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of light-speed, and we're
 preparing to...Aaagh!"
"You have failed me for the last time, Admiral."
                -- Admiral Ozzel & Darth Vader
%%
Two fighters against a Star Destroyer?
                -- Hobbie (rebel pilot)
%%
Right now I feel I could take on the whole Empire myself.
                -- Dack (Luke's gunner)
%%
Would it helped if I got out and pushed?
                -- Princess Leia
%%
Someday you're going to be wrong, and I hope I'm there to see it.
                -- Princess Leia (to Han Solo)
%%
"What are you doing? You're not actually going into an asteroid field?"
"They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?"
                -- Princess Leia & Han Solo
%%
"Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is 
approximately three thousand, seven hundred and twenty to one."
"Never tell me the odds!"
                -- C3PO & Han Solo
%%
You said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake; well,
this could be it, sweetheart.
                -- Han Solo
%%
Asteroids do not concern me, Admiral. I want that ship and not excuses.
                -- Darth Vader
%%
"Don't get excited."
"Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."
"Sorry, sweetheart. We haven't got time for anything else."
                -- Han Solo & princess Leia
%%
"I'm looking for someone."
"Looking? Found someone, you have, I would say, hmmm?"
                -- Luke Skywalker & master Yoda
%%
A great warrior. Wars not make one great.
                -- Master Yoda
%%
How you get so big, eating food of this kind?
                -- Master Yoda
                   
"SCome on, admit it. ometimes you think I'm all right."
"Occasionally maybe...when you aren't acting like a scoundrel."
                -- Han Solo & princess Leia
%%
"Stop that! My hands are dirty."
"My hands are dirty, too. What are you afraid of?"
                -- Princess Leia & Han Solo
%%
You like me because I'm a scoundrel.
There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.
                -- Han Solo
%%
"I happen to like nice men."
"I'm a nice man."
                -- Princess Leia & Han Solo
%%
We have a new enemy -- Luke Skywalker.
                -- The Emperor
%%
The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi.
                -- The Emperor
%%
He will join us or die.
                -- Darth Vader
%%
A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind.
                -- Master Yoda
%%
Hmph. Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things. 
                -- Master Yoda
%%
"I won't fail you -- I'm not afraid."
"Oh, you will be. You will be."
                -- Luke Skywalker & master Yoda
%%
"No time to discuss this as a committee."
"I am not a committee!"
                -- Han Solo & princess Leia
%%
A Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side.
Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Force are they. 
Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start 
down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume 
you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
                -- Master Yoda
%%
"Is the dark side stronger?"
"No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive."
                -- Luke Skywalker & master Yoda
%%
A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
                -- Master Yoda
%%
"What's in there?"
"Only what you take with you."
                -- Luke Skywalker & master Yoda
%%
Bounty hunters. We don't need that scum.
                -- Admiral Piett
%%
I want them alive. No disintegrations.
                -- Darth Vader
%%
So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done.
                -- Master Yoda
%%
Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned.
                -- Master Yoda
%%
Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
                -- Master Yoda
%%
Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you?
And well you should not.
%%
You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. 
                -- Darth Vader
%%
"I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can."
"Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them."
                -- Moff Jerjerrod & Darth Vader
%%
I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.
                -- Darth Vader       
%%
If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt,
you'd probably short-circuit.
                -- C3PO
%%
Luke? Luke's crazy. He can't even take care
of himself, much less rescue anybody.
                -- Han Solo
%%
I'm out of it for a little while, everybody gets delusions of grandeur.
                -- Han Solo
%%
"How are we doing?"
"The same as always."
"That bad, huh?"
                -- Han Solo & Luke Skywalker
%%
I think my eyes are getting better. Instead
of a big dark blur, I see a big light blur.
                -- Han Solo
%%
"I used to live here, you know."
"You're gonna die here, you know. Convenient."
                -- Luke Skywalker & Han Solo
                   
%%
His Excellency hopes that you will die honorably.
But should any of you wish to beg for mercy, the 
great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pleas.
                -- C3PO
%%
When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not.
                -- Yoda
%%
"Master Yoda, you can't die."
"Strong am I with the Force... but not that strong! 
Twilight is upon me and soon night must fall. That 
is the way of things ... the way of the Force."
                -- Luke Skywalker & Yoda
%%
You're going to find that many of the truths we cling to 
depend greatly on our own point of view.
                -- Ben Kenobi
%%
"I can't kill my own father."
"Then the Emperor has already won. You were our only hope."
                -- Luke Skywalker & Ben Kenobi
%%
Your insight serves you well. Bury your feelings deep down, Luke. 
They do you credit. But they could be made to serve the Emperor.
                -- Ben Kenobi
%%
"I'm surprised they didn't ask you to do it."
"Well, who says they didn't.  But I ain't crazy."
                -- Lando Calrissian & Han Solo
%%
The Emperor has made a critical error 
and the time for our attack has come.
                -- Mon Mothma       
%%
No. I don't think the Empire had Wookiees in
mind when they designed her, Chewie.
                -- Han Solo                   
%%
Keep your distance though, Chewie, but don't look like you're 
trying to keep your distance.
...
I don't know.  Fly casual.
                -- Han Solo
%%
Hey... it's me.
                -- Han Solo
%%
Great, Chewie! Great! Always thinking with your stomach.
                -- Han Solo
%%
"I do believe they think I am some sort of god."
"Well, why don't you use your divine influence and get us out of this?"
"I beg your pardon, General Solo, but that just wouldn't be proper."
"Proper?!"
"It's against my programming to impersonate a deity."
                -- C3PO & Han Solo
%%
It's against my programming to impersonate a deity.
                -- C3PO
%%
I'm rather embarrassed, General Solo, but it appears 
you are to be the main course at a banquet in my honor.
                -- C3PO
%%
Well, short help is better than no help at all.
                -- Han Solo
%%
There'll be no escape for the Princess this time.
                -- C3PO
%%
I should have known better than to trust the logic of a
half-sized thermocapsulary dehousing assister.
                -- C3PO
%%
You're a part of the Rebel Alliance...and a traitor. Take her away!
                -- Darth Vader
%%
How did I get into this mess? I really don't know how. We
seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.
                -- C3PO
%%
But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters...
                -- Luke Skywalker
%%
"Luke's just not a farmer, Owen. He has too much of his father in him."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
               -- Aunt Beru & Owen Lars
%%
The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy
field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us.
It binds the galaxy together.
                -- Ben (Obi-wan) Kenobi
%%
It's not that I like the Empire. I hate it! But there's nothing I can do about
it right now. It's such a long way from here.
                -- Luke Skywalker
%%
This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it!
                -- Admiral Motti
%%
The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to 
the power of the Force.
                -- Darth Vader
%%
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
                -- Darth Vader (choking Motti)
%%
And, now Your Highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden Rebel base.
                -- Darth Vader
%%
The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded. 
You will find it a powerful ally.
                -- Ben (Obi-wan) Kenobi
%%
"Over my dead body."
"That's the idea."
                -- Han Solo & Greedo
%%
I felt a great disturbance in the Force...as if millions of voices 
suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear
something terrible has happened.
                -- Ben (Obi-wan) Kenobi
%%
"Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee."
"But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid."
"That's 'cause droids don't pull people's arms out of their socket
when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that."
                -- Han Solo & C3PO
%%
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good
blaster at your side, kid.
                -- Han Solo
%%
In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.
                -- Ben (Obi-wan) Kenobi
%%
"Damn fool. I knew that you were going to say that!"
"Who's the more foolish...the fool or the fool who follows him?"
                -- Han Solo & Ben Kenobi
%%
Bring them on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around.
                -- Han Solo
%%
Your destiny lies along a different path than mine.
                -- Ben (Obi-wan) Kenobi
%%
"Where did you dig up that old fossil?"
"Ben is a great man."
"Yeah, great at getting us into trouble."
                -- Han Solo & Luke Skywalker
%%
"[...] they're going to kill her!"
"Better her th
%%
A man goes  to the doctor and is told he has only six hours to live.  He rushes
home and tells his wife and then says lets make love. They do and then they
fall asleep. A couple of hours later he wakes up and says,"Honey, let's do it
again."They do and again after a very brief nap he says to her, "Honey, how
about doing it one more time?" She replies, "Aw come on, I have to get up in
the morning, You don't!"
%%
A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy, wanting to buy condoms.  He has difficulty
communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on shelf.  Frustrated,
deaf-mute unzips his pants, places his "member" on the counter, and puts down a
dollar next to it.  Pharmacist comes around counter, places his own "member" on
the counter next to deaf-mute's.  Since pharmacist's organ is larger, he picks
up the dollar and puts it in his pocket.  Exasperated, deaf mute begins to
curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.  "Look," the pharmacist says, "if
you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
%%
A man goes to his psychiatrist and explains that on Monday through Thursday he
feels like a TeePee and on Friday through Sunday he feels like a Wigwam.  The
psychiatrist explains, "Your problem is obvious, you're two tents."
%%
The floor manager of the Men's Department at May Company notices that a large
crowd has gathered around the tie section and that there seems to be quite a
disturbance brewing. He rushes over and breaks through the crowd to discover a
blind man swinging his seeing-eye dog around over his head by the dog's tail.
At a loss for what to do, he runs to the man's side and says, "Sir! Sir! What's
wrong? Can I help you?" Whereupon the blind man replies, "No, thanks. I'm just
looking around!"
%%
Good news and bad news:
The Good News: They finally found Rock Hudson's long-lost wallet!
The bad news:  Your picture was in it!
%%
The youngest son of a great Indian chief went to his father and asked "Oh
father, how did you choose the names for your three children?" The great chief
replied "My son, when your older brother was born, the first sight I saw after
the moment of his birth was a bear running through the woods; so I named him
running-bear.  The morning your sister was born, the first sight I saw was a
beautiful star, so I named her morning-star.  But why do you ask me such a
question, two-dogs-fucking?"
%%
Many years ago, there was a gathering of Indian tribes from all over.  While
the Braves were busy doing war dances, some of the squaws gathered together to
do their chores in company and to compare their children.  Near a bend in the
river, three squaws spread hides and sat together to chat. The first squaw sat
on the hide of a buffalo. She had only one son. The second squaw sat on the
hide of a mountain lion. She had three sons. The last squaw sat on the hide of
a hippopotamus. She had four sons. All this goes to prove.....  That the sons
of the squaw of the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of the squaws of the
other two hides.
%%
A plumber was called to fix a pipe. He arrived, banged on the pipes for 15
minutes, and said to the homeowner, well that'll be $35. The homeowner
said "thirty five dollars!!!!- why that's $140 per hour!!  I'm a lawyer and I
only make $100 an hour!!" the plumber replied, "yeah, that's what I got when I
was a lawyer"
%%
Some small-time crooks decided that people were so stupid that they would
accept 18 dollar bills if somebody gave then any.  So they carefully made some
plates and printed some up, and went to a small town to try them out. They got
up to a shopkeeper and talked for awhile, then casually said "Say, can you give
me change for an 18 dollar bill?" "Sure" said the old shopkeeper. "What would
you like, three 6's or two 9's?"
%%
Santa, assuming everyone's asleep, hops down the chimney and begins to
deliver the presents.  Suddenly, he hears a small sigh behind him and
turns around, only to meet eye to eye (to everything else) with the most
gorgeous creature that god could have created.  She smiled seductively
and pouted, "Wanna play around, Santa?" to which he stolidly replied
"Ho, Ho, Ho, Santa's gotta go, he's gotta get the presents to the peo-
ple, you know." In reply, she slid one of the spaghetti straps of the
nearly non-existant negligee she was almost wearing off her shoulder,
and again she cooed, "Wanna fool around, Santa?"  To which he replied,
not sounding sure of himself at all,
   "Ho, Ho, Ho, Santa's gotta go, he's gotta get the presents to the people
you know..."
   Next thing he knows, she turns around and walks lasciviously back into
the bedroom.  He returns to his chores while visions of sugar-plums
(hers) dance in his head.  Just as he's about to leave, she makes yet
another grand entrance, and exclaims "OOOOOOH, SANTA, let's play
around!!!!!"  She is wearing nothing and implying everything.... He
looks at her, looks at the chimney, looks back at her, looks up at the
chimney, and shrugs his shoulders, giving in to temptation, murmuring,
   "Hey, hey, hey, Santa's gotta stay; he can't get up the chimney with his
prick this way.!
%%
The convent was being remodeled, and the rough language of the workmen
occasionally drifted through an open window. Indignant, one of the nuns
went to the Mother Superior to complain. "Their language is horrible, it
upsets me so that I can't concentrate on my prayers.", she said. The
Mother Superior replied, "Now sister, you must realize that these are
hard working men, and that in their struggle to earn a simple living,
they sometimes forget their manners. They simply call a spade a spade."
To which the nun responded, "No they don't, they call it a fucking
shovel!!"
%%
On one Sunday Morning, a young wife awakes and goes to the kitchen to
prepare breakfast for her husband.  While the wife was in the kitchen,
the husband got a large hardon,while lying in bed, so he got a pencil
and paper a wrote a note to his wife, and ask his daughter to deliver
the note to her in the kitchen. the note said:

   Honey!  The tent pole is up, the canvas is spread, stop the breakfast
and come back to bed.
And the husband waited for a reply from the wife.  Then the wife got a
pencil and paper a wrote a note back to the husband which said:
    Take the tent pole down, and put the canvas away, the monkey got a
hemorrhage, no circus today.
%%
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots and 3 beers.  The bartender,
seeing that the man is distraught, asks what the problem is.  'I just
found out that my brother is gay', he says.
  About a week later, the same man walks in and orders 6 shots and 6
beers.  So the bartender asks 'Whats wrong this time?'  To which the man
says: 'I just found out that my other brother is gay'.
  Another week goes by and the man comes back to the bar and orders NINE
shots and NINE beers.  The bartenders says 'God, doesn't anyone in your
family like pussy ?'
  And the man replies 'Yeah, my sister.'
%%
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!".
The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4.  Let me run
     those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed
     voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
%%
A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner.
He sees a sign remarking on the quality of proffesional brain
offerred at this particular brain store.  So he asks the butcher:
"How much for Engineer brain?"
"3 dollars an ounce."
"How much for Doctor brain?"
"4 dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"100 dollars an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
%%
     A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a
living.  "Tim, you be first," she said.  "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
     "That's wonderful.  How about you, Amie?"
     Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
     "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher.  "What about your father, Billy?"
     Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a
whorehouse."
     The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell.  Billy's father
answered the door.  The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded
an explanation.
     Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney.  How can I explain a
thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
%%
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city sub-
scribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury
was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice,
"Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20
more of them."
%%
An Irish lawyer died in poverty.
%%
A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred
it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: "Let the
thief go first, and the executioner follow."
%%
"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he
had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented
money there has been only one answer to that question."
%%
The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates.
After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective
professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly
station. After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Pete decides
to show them to their new lodgings. Only a brief flight from the welcome,
Pete brings them down on the front lawn (cloud-encrusted, natch) of a
huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings. This, Pete
announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, (at least until
the end of time..) "Hot Dang", the Pope says to His-self, "If he's getting
a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my digs!". They take flight
once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear
more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with
Brownstone houses. Pete indicates the third walkup on the left as the
Popes new domicile and turns to leave, wishing the pontiff his best.
The Pope, in a mild state of astonishment, cries out "Hey Pete! What's the
deal here? You put that lawyer-feller in a beautiful estate home and I,
spiritual leader of terra-firma, end up with this dive?"
  Pete looks at the pontiff amusedly and replys: "Look here old fellow,
this street is practically encrusted with spiritual leaders from many
times and religions. We're putting you here with them so you guys can
get your dogma together. That other guy gets an estate, because
he's the first (non-)damned lawyer to make it up here!!"
%%
:J. Random Hacker: [MIT] /J rand'm hak'r/ n. A mythical figure
   like the Unknown Soldier; the archetypal hacker nerd.  See
   {random}, {Suzie COBOL}.  This may originally have been
   inspired by `J. Fred Muggs', a show-biz chimpanzee whose name was a
   household word back in the early days of {TMRC}, and was
   probably influenced by `J. Presper Eckert' (one of the co-inventors
   of the digital computer).
%%
:jack in: v. To log on to a machine or connect to a network or
   {BBS}, esp. for purposes of entering a {virtual reality}
   simulation such as a {MUD} or {IRC} (leaving is "jacking
   out").  This term derives from {cyberpunk} SF, in which it was
   used for the act of plugging an electrode set into neural sockets
   in order to interface the brain directly to a virtual reality.
   It's primarily used by MUD & IRC fans and younger hackers on BBS
   systems.
%%
:jaggies: /jag'eez/ n. The `stairstep' effect observable when an
   edge (esp. a linear edge of very shallow or steep slope) is
   rendered on a pixel device (as opposed to a vector display).
%%
:JCL: /J-C-L/ n. 1. IBM's supremely {rude} Job Control
   Language.  JCL is the script language used to control the execution
   of programs in IBM's batch systems.  JCL has a very {fascist}
   syntax, and some versions will, for example, {barf} if two
   spaces appear where it expects one.  Most programmers confronted
   with JCL simply copy a working file (or card deck), changing the
   file names.  Someone who actually understands and generates unique
   JCL is regarded with the mixed respect one gives to someone who
   memorizes the phone book.  It is reported that hackers at IBM
   itself sometimes sing "Who's the breeder of the crud that mangles
   you and me?  I-B-M, J-C-L, M-o-u-s-e" to the tune of the
   "Mickey Mouse Club" theme to express their opinion of the
   beast.  2. A comparative for any very {rude} software that a
   hacker is expected to use.  "That's as bad as JCL."  As with
   {COBOL}, JCL is often used as an archetype of ugliness even by
   those who haven't experienced it.  See also {IBM}, {fear and
   loathing}.
%%
:JEDR: // n. Synonymous with {IYFEG}.  At one time, people in
   the USENET newsgroup rec.humor.funny tended to use `JEDR'
   instead of {IYFEG} or `<ethnic>'; this stemmed from a public
   attempt to suppress the group once made by a loser with initials
   JEDR after he was offended by an ethnic joke posted there.  (The
   practice was {retcon}ned by the expanding these initials as
   `Joke Ethnic/Denomination/Race'.)  After much sound and fury JEDR
   faded away; this term appears to be doing likewise.  JEDR's only
   permanent effect on the net.culture was to discredit
   `sensitivity' arguments for censorship so thoroughly that more
   recent attempts to raise them have met with immediate and
   near-universal rejection.
%%
:JFCL: /jif'kl/, /jaf'kl/, /j*-fi'kl/ vt., obs. (alt.
   `jfcl') To cancel or annul something.  "Why don't you jfcl that
   out?"  The fastest do-nothing instruction on older models of the
   PDP-10 happened to be JFCL, which stands for "Jump if Flag set and
   then CLear the flag"; this does something useful, but is a very
   fast no-operation if no flag is specified.  Geoff Goodfellow, one
   of the jargon-1 co-authors, had JFCL on the license plate of his
   BMW for years.  Usage: rare except among old-time PDP-10
   hackers.
%%
:jiffy: n. 1. The duration of one tick of the system clock on the
   computer (see {tick}).  Often one AC cycle time (1/60 second in
   the U.S. and Canada, 1/50 most other places), but more recently
   1/100 sec has become common.  "The swapper runs every 6 jiffies"
   means that the virtual memory management routine is executed once
   for every 6 ticks of the clock, or about ten times a second.
   2. Confusingly, the term is sometimes also used for a 1-millisecond
   {wall time} interval.  Even more confusingly, physicists
   semi-jokingly use `jiffy' to mean the time required for light to
   travel one foot in a vacuum, which turns out to be close to one
   *nanosecond*.  3. Indeterminate time from a few seconds to
   forever.  "I'll do it in a jiffy" means certainly not now and
   possibly never.  This is a bit contrary to the more widespread use
   of the word.  Oppose {nano}. See also {Real Soon Now}.
%%
:job security: n. When some piece of code is written in a
   particularly {obscure} fashion, and no good reason (such as time
   or space optimization) can be discovered, it is often said that the
   programmer was attempting to increase his job security (i.e., by
   making himself indispensable for maintenance).  This sour joke
   seldom has to be said in full; if two hackers are looking over some
   code together and one points at a section and says "job security",
   the other one may just nod.
%%
:jock: n. 1. A programmer who is characterized by large and somewhat
   brute-force programs.  See {brute force}.  2. When modified by
   another noun, describes a specialist in some particular computing
   area.  The compounds `compiler jock' and `systems jock' seem to be
   the best-established examples of this.
%%
:joe code: /joh' kohd`/ n. 1. Code that is overly {tense} and
   unmaintainable.  "{Perl} may be a handy program, but if you look
   at the source, it's complete joe code."  2. Badly written,
   possibly buggy code.

   Correspondents wishing to remain anonymous have fingered a
   particular Joe at the Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory and observed
   that usage has drifted slightly; the original sobriquet `Joe code'
   was intended in sense 1.
%%
:jolix: n. /johl'liks/ n.,adj. 386BSD, the freeware port of the
   BSD Net/2 release to the Intel i386 architecture by Bill Jolitz and
   friends.  Used to differentiate from BSDI's port based on the same
   source tape, which is called BSD/386.  See {BSD}.
%%
:JR[LN]: /J-R-L/, /J-R-N/ n. The names JRL and JRN were
   sometimes used as example names when discussing a kind of user ID
   used under {{TOPS-10}} and {WAITS}; they were understood to be
   the initials of (fictitious) programmers named `J. Random Loser'
   and `J. Random Nerd' (see {J. Random}).  For example, if one
   said "To log in, type log one comma jay are en" (that is,
   "log 1,JRN"), the listener would have understood that he should
   use his own computer ID in place of `JRN'.
%%
:JRST: /jerst/ [based on the PDP-10 jump instruction] v.,obs. To
   suddenly change subjects, with no intention of returning to the
   previous topic.  Usage: rather rare except among PDP-10 diehards,
   and considered silly.  See also {AOS}.
%%
:juggling eggs: vi. Keeping a lot of {state} in your head while
   modifying a program.  "Don't bother me now, I'm juggling eggs",
   means that an interrupt is likely to result in the program's being
   scrambled.  In the classic first-contact SF novel `The Mote in
   God's Eye', by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle, an alien describes
   a very difficult task by saying "We juggle priceless eggs in
   variable gravity."  That is a very hackish use of language.  See
   also {hack mode}.
%%
:jump off into never-never land: [from J. M. Barrie's `Peter
   Pan'] v. Same as {branch to Fishkill}, but more common in
   technical cultures associated with non-IBM computers that use the
   term `jump' rather than `branch'.  Compare {hyperspace}.
%%
:jupiter: [IRC] vt. To kill an {IRC} {robot} or user, and
   then take its place by adopting its {nick} so that it cannot
   reconnect.  Named after a particular IRC user who did this to
   NickServ, the robot in charge of preventing people from
   inadvertently using a nick claimed by another user.
%%
:K: /K/ [from {kilo-}] n. A kilobyte.  This is used both as a
   spoken word and a written suffix (like {meg} and {gig} for
   megabyte and gigabyte).  See {{quantifiers}}.
%%
:K&R: [Kernighan and Ritchie] n. Brian Kernighan and Dennis Ritchie's
   book `The C Programming Language', esp. the classic and influential
   first edition (Prentice-Hall 1978; ISBN 0-113-110163-3).  Syn.
   {White Book}, {Old Testament}.  See also {New Testament}.
%%
:K-line: [IRC] v.  To ban a particular person from an {IRC}
   server, usually for grossly bad {netiquette}.  Comes from the
   `K' code used to accomplish this in IRC's configuration file.
%%   
:kahuna: /k*-hoo'nuh/ [IBM: from the Hawaiian title for a shaman] n.
   Synonym for {wizard}, {guru}.
%%
:kamikaze packet: n. The `official' jargon for what is more commonly
   called a {Christmas tree packet}. RFC-1025, `TCP and IP Bake Off'
   says:

     10 points for correctly being able to process a "Kamikaze"
     packet (AKA nastygram, christmas tree packet, lamp test
     segment, et al.).  That is, correctly handle a segment with the
     maximum combination of features at once (e.g., a SYN URG PUSH
     FIN segment with options and data).

   See also {Chernobyl packet}.
%%
:ken: /ken/ n. 1. [UNIX] Ken Thompson, principal inventor of
   UNIX.  In the early days he used to hand-cut distribution tapes,
   often with a note that read "Love, ken".  Old-timers still use
   his first name (sometimes uncapitalized, because it's a login name
   and mail address) in third-person reference; it is widely
   understood (on USENET, in particular) that without a last name
   `Ken' refers only to Ken Thompson.  Similarly, Dennis without last
   name means Dennis Ritchie (and he is often known as dmr).  See
   also {demigod}, {{UNIX}}.  2. A flaming user.  This was
   originated by the Software Support group at Symbolics because the
   two greatest flamers in the user community were both named Ken.
%%
:KIBO: /kee'boh/ [acronym] Knowledge In, Bullshit Out.  A summary
   of what happens whenever valid data is passed through an
   organization (or person) which deliberately or accidentally
   disregards or ignores its significance.  Consider, for example,
   what advertising campaign can do with a product's actual
   specifications.  Compare {GIGO}; see also {SNAFU principle}.
%%
:kick: [IRC] v.  To cause somebody to be removed from a {IRC}
   channel, an option only available to {CHOP}s.  This is an
   extreme measure, often used to combat extreme {flamage} or
   {flood}ing, but sometimes used at the chop's whim.
%%   
:kill file: [USENET] n. (alt. `KILL file') Per-user file(s) used
   by some {USENET} reading programs (originally Larry Wall's
   `rn(1)') to discard summarily (without presenting for reading)
   articles matching some particularly uninteresting (or unwanted)
   patterns of subject, author, or other header lines.  Thus to add
   a person (or subject) to one's kill file is to arrange for that
   person to be ignored by one's newsreader in future.  By extension,
   it may be used for a decision to ignore the person or subject in
   other media.  See also {plonk}.
%%
:killer micro: [popularized by Eugene Brooks] n. A
   microprocessor-based machine that infringes on mini, mainframe, or
   supercomputer performance turf.  Often heard in "No one will
   survive the attack of the killer micros!", the battle cry of the
   downsizers.  Used esp. of RISC architectures.

   The popularity of the phrase `attack of the killer micros' is
   doubtless reinforced by the movie title "Attack Of The Killer
   Tomatoes" (one of the {canonical} examples of
   so-bad-it's-wonderful among hackers).  This has even more flavor
   now that killer micros have gone on the offensive not just
   individually (in workstations) but in hordes (within massively
   parallel computers).
%%
:killer poke: n. A recipe for inducing hardware damage on a machine
   via insertion of invalid values (see {poke}) in a memory-mapped
   control register; used esp. of various fairly well-known tricks
   on {bitty box}es without hardware memory management (such as the
   IBM PC and Commodore PET) that can overload and trash analog
   electronics in the monitor.  See also {HCF}.
%%
:KIPS: /kips/ [abbreviation, by analogy with {MIPS} using {K}] n.
   Thousands (*not* 1024s) of Instructions Per Second.  Usage:
   rare.
%%
:KISS Principle: /kis' prin'si-pl/ n. "Keep It Simple, Stupid".
   A maxim often invoked when discussing design to fend off
   {creeping featurism} and control development complexity.
   Possibly related to the {marketroid} maxim on sales
   presentations, "Keep It Short and Simple".
%%
:kit: [USENET; poss. fr. DEC slang for a full software
   distribution, as opposed to a patch or upgrade] n. A source
   software distribution that has been packaged in such a way that it
   can (theoretically) be unpacked and installed according to a series
   of steps using only standard UNIX tools, and entirely documented by
   some reasonable chain of references from the top-level {README
   file}.  The more general term {distribution} may imply that
   special tools or more stringent conditions on the host environment
   are required.
%%
:kluge around: vt. To avoid a bug or difficult condition by
   inserting a {kluge}.  Compare {workaround}.
%%
:kluge up: vt. To lash together a quick hack to perform a task; this
   is milder than {cruft together} and has some of the connotations
   of {hack up} (note, however, that the construction `kluge on'
   corresponding to {hack on} is never used).  "I've kluged up this
   routine to dump the buffer contents to a safe place."
%%
:Knights of the Lambda Calculus: n. A semi-mythical organization of
   wizardly LISP and Scheme hackers.  The name refers to a
   mathematical formalism invented by Alonzo Church, with which LISP
   is intimately connected.  There is no enrollment list and the
   criteria for induction are unclear, but one well-known LISPer has
   been known to give out buttons and, in general, the *members*
   know who they are....
%%
:Knuth: /nooth/ [Donald E. Knuth's `The Art of Computer
   Programming'] n. Mythically, the reference that answers all
   questions about data structures or algorithms.  A safe answer when
   you do not know: "I think you can find that in Knuth."  Contrast
   {literature, the}.  See also {bible}.
%%
:lace card: n. obs. A {{punched card}} with all holes punched
   (also called a `whoopee card').  Card readers tended to jam when
   they got to one of these, as the resulting card had too little
   structural strength to avoid buckling inside the mechanism.  Card
   punches could also jam trying to produce these things owing to
   power-supply problems.  When some practical joker fed a lace card
   through the reader, you needed to clear the jam with a `card
   knife' --- which you used on the joker first.
%%
:language lawyer: n. A person, usually an experienced or senior
   software engineer, who is intimately familiar with many or most of
   the numerous restrictions and features (both useful and esoteric)
   applicable to one or more computer programming languages.  A
   language lawyer is distinguished by the ability to show you the
   five sentences scattered through a 200-plus-page manual that
   together imply the answer to your question "if only you had
   thought to look there".  Compare {wizard}, {legal},
   {legalese}.
%%
:languages of choice: n. {C} and {LISP}.  Nearly every
   hacker knows one of these, and most good ones are fluent in both.
   Smalltalk and Prolog are also popular in small but influential
   communities.

   There is also a rapidly dwindling category of older hackers with
   FORTRAN, or even assembler, as their language of choice.  They
   often prefer to be known as {real programmer}s, and other
   hackers consider them a bit odd (see "{The Story of Mel, a
   Real Programmer}" in {appendix A}).  Assembler is generally no longer
   considered interesting or appropriate for anything but {HLL}
   implementation, {glue}, and a few time-critical and
   hardware-specific uses in systems programs.  FORTRAN occupies a
   shrinking niche in scientific programming.

   Most hackers tend to frown on languages like {{Pascal}} and
   {{Ada}}, which don't give them the near-total freedom considered
   necessary for hacking (see {bondage-and-discipline language}),
   and to regard everything that's even remotely connected with
   {COBOL} or other traditional {card walloper} languages as a
   total and unmitigated {loss}.
%%
:larval stage: n. Describes a period of monomaniacal concentration
   on coding apparently passed through by all fledgling hackers.
   Common symptoms include the perpetration of more than one 36-hour
   {hacking run} in a given week; neglect of all other activities
   including usual basics like food, sleep, and personal hygiene; and
   a chronic case of advanced bleary-eye.  Can last from 6 months to 2
   years, the apparent median being around 18 months.  A few so
   afflicted never resume a more `normal' life, but the ordeal
   seems to be necessary to produce really wizardly (as opposed to
   merely competent) programmers.  See also {wannabee}.  A less
   protracted and intense version of larval stage (typically lasting
   about a month) may recur when one is learning a new {OS} or
   programming language.
%%
:lase: /layz/ vt. To print a given document via a laser printer.
   "OK, let's lase that sucker and see if all those graphics-macro
   calls did the right things."
%%
:laser chicken: n. Kung Pao Chicken, a standard Chinese dish
   containing chicken, peanuts, and hot red peppers in a spicy
   pepper-oil sauce.  Many hackers call it `laser chicken' for
   two reasons: It can {zap} you just like a laser, and the
   sauce has a red color reminiscent of some laser beams.

   In a variation on this theme, it is reported that some Australian
   hackers have redesignated the common dish `lemon chicken' as
   `Chernobyl Chicken'.  The name is derived from the color of the
   sauce, which is considered bright enough to glow in the dark (as,
   mythically, do some of the inhabitants of Chernobyl).
%%
:Lasherism: [Harvard] n. A program which solves a standard problem
   (such as the Eight Queens puzzle or implementing the {life}
   algorithm) in a deliberately nonstandard way.  Distinguished from a
   {crock} or {kluge} by the fact that the programmer did it on
   purpose as a mental exercise.  Lew Lasher was a student at Harvard
   around 1980 who became notorious for such behavior.
%%
:LDB: /l*'d*b/ [from the PDP-10 instruction set] vt. To extract
   from the middle.  "LDB me a slice of cake, please." This usage
   has been kept alive by Common LISP's function of the same name.
   Considered silly.  See also {DPB}.
%%
:leaf site: n. A machine that merely originates and reads USENET
   news or mail, and does not relay any third-party traffic.  Often
   uttered in a critical tone; when the ratio of leaf sites to
   backbone, rib, and other relay sites gets too high, the network
   tends to develop bottlenecks.  Compare {backbone site}, {rib
   site}.
%%
:leak: n. With qualifier, one of a class of resource-management bugs
   that occur when resources are not freed properly after operations
   on them are finished, so they effectively disappear (leak out).
   This leads to eventual exhaustion as new allocation requests come
   in.  {memory leak} and {fd leak} have their own entries; one
   might also refer, to, say, a `window handle leak' in a window
   system.
%%
:legal: adj. Loosely used to mean `in accordance with all the
   relevant rules', esp. in connection with some set of constraints
   defined by software.  "The older =+ alternate for += is no longer
   legal syntax in ANSI C."  "This parser processes each line of
   legal input the moment it sees the trailing linefeed."  Hackers
   often model their work as a sort of game played with the
   environment in which the objective is to maneuver through the
   thicket of `natural laws' to achieve a desired objective.  Their
   use of `legal' is flavored as much by this game-playing sense as by
   the more conventional one having to do with courts and lawyers.
   Compare {language lawyer}, {legalese}.
%%
:legalese: n. Dense, pedantic verbiage in a language description,
   product specification, or interface standard; text that seems
   designed to obfuscate and requires a {language lawyer} to
   {parse} it.  Though hackers are not afraid of high information
   density and complexity in language (indeed, they rather enjoy
   both), they share a deep and abiding loathing for legalese; they
   associate it with deception, {suit}s, and situations in which
   hackers generally get the short end of the stick.
%%
:LER: /L-E-R/ [TMRC, from `Light-Emitting Diode'] n. A
   light-emitting resistor (that is, one in the process of burning
   up).  Ohm's law was broken.  See {SED}.
%%
:LERP: /lerp/ vi.,n. Quasi-acronym for Linear Interpolation, used as a
   verb or noun for the operation.  E.g., Bresenham's algorithm lerps
   incrementally between the two endpoints of the line.
%%
:let the smoke out: v. To fry hardware (see {fried}).  See
   {magic smoke} for the mythology behind this.
%%
:letterbomb: n. A piece of {email} containing {live data}
   intended to do nefarious things to the recipient's machine or
   terminal.  It is possible, for example, to send letterbombs that
   will lock up some specific kinds of terminals when they are viewed,
   so thoroughly that the user must cycle power (see {cycle}, sense
   3) to unwedge them.  Under UNIX, a letterbomb can also try to get
   part of its contents interpreted as a shell command to the mailer.
   The results of this could range from silly to tragic.  See also
   {Trojan horse}; compare {nastygram}.
%%
:lexer: /lek'sr/ n. Common hacker shorthand for `lexical
   analyzer', the input-tokenizing stage in the parser for a language
   (the part that breaks it into word-like pieces).  "Some C lexers
   get confused by the old-style compound ops like `=-'."
%%
:lexiphage: /lek'si-fayj`/ n. A notorious word {chomper} on
   ITS.  See {bagbiter}.
%%
:life: n. 1. A cellular-automata game invented by John Horton
   Conway and first introduced publicly by Martin Gardner
   (`Scientific American', October 1970); the game's popularity
   had to wait a few years for computers on which it could reasonably
   be played, as it's no fun to simulate the cells by hand.  Many
   hackers pass through a stage of fascination with it, and hackers at
   various places contributed heavily to the mathematical analysis of
   this game (most notably Bill Gosper at MIT, who even implemented
   life in {TECO}!; see {Gosperism}).  When a hacker mentions
   `life', he is much more likely to mean this game than the
   magazine, the breakfast cereal, or the human state of existence.
   2. The opposite of {USENET}.  As in {Get a life!}
%%
:Life is hard: [XEROX PARC] prov. This phrase has two possible
   interpretations: (1) "While your suggestion may have some merit, I
   will behave as though I hadn't heard it."  (2) "While your
   suggestion has obvious merit, equally obvious circumstances prevent
   it from being seriously considered."  The charm of the phrase lies
   precisely in this subtle but important ambiguity.
%%
:lightweight: adj. Opposite of {heavyweight}; usually found in
   combining forms such as `lightweight process'.
%%
:like kicking dead whales down the beach: adj. Describes a slow,
   difficult, and disgusting process.  First popularized by a famous
   quote about the difficulty of getting work done under one of IBM's
   mainframe OSes.  "Well, you *could* write a C compiler in
   COBOL, but it would be like kicking dead whales down the beach."
   See also {fear and loathing}
%%
:like nailing jelly to a tree: adj. Used to describe a task thought
   to be impossible, esp. one in which the difficulty arises from
   poor specification or inherent slipperiness in the problem domain.
   "Trying to display the `prettiest' arrangement of nodes and arcs
   that diagrams a given graph is like nailing jelly to a tree,
   because nobody's sure what `prettiest' means algorithmically."
%%
:line 666: [from Christian eschatological myth] n. The notational
   line of source at which a program fails for obscure reasons,
   implying either that *somebody* is out to get it (when you are
   the programmer), or that it richly deserves to be so gotten (when
   you are not). "It works when I trace through it, but seems to
   crash on line 666 when I run it."  "What happens is that whenever
   a large batch comes through, mmdf dies on the Line of the Beast.
   Probably some twit hardcoded a buffer size."
%%
:line eater, the: [USENET] n. 1. A bug in some now-obsolete
   versions of the netnews software that used to eat up to BUFSIZ
   bytes of the article text.  The bug was triggered by having the
   text of the article start with a space or tab.  This bug was
   quickly personified as a mythical creature called the `line
   eater', and postings often included a dummy line of `line eater
   food'.  Ironically, line eater `food' not beginning with a space or
   tab wasn't actually eaten, since the bug was avoided; but if there
   *was* a space or tab before it, then the line eater would eat
   the food *and* the beginning of the text it was supposed to be
   protecting.  The practice of `sacrificing to the line eater'
   continued for some time after the bug had been {nailed to the
   wall}, and is still humorously referred to.  The bug itself is
   still (in mid-1991) occasionally reported to be lurking in some
   mail-to-netnews gateways.  2. See {NSA line eater}.
%%
:line noise: n. 1. [techspeak] Spurious characters due to
   electrical noise in a communications link, especially an RS-232
   serial connection.  Line noise may be induced by poor connections,
   interference or crosstalk from other circuits, electrical storms,
   {cosmic rays}, or (notionally) birds crapping on the phone
   wires.  2. Any chunk of data in a file or elsewhere that looks like
   the results of line noise in sense 1.  3. Text that is
   theoretically a readable text or program source but employs syntax
   so bizarre that it looks like line noise in senses 1 or 2.  Yes,
   there are languages this ugly.  The canonical example is {TECO};
   it is often claimed that "TECO's input syntax is indistinguishable
   from line noise."  Other non-{WYSIWYG} editors, such as Multics
   `qed' and Unix `ed', in the hands of a real hacker, also
   qualify easily, as do deliberately obfuscated languages such as
   {INTERCAL}.
%%
:line starve: [MIT] 1. vi. To feed paper through a printer the
   wrong way by one line (most printers can't do this).  On a display
   terminal, to move the cursor up to the previous line of the screen.
   "To print `X squared', you just output `X', line starve, `2', line
   feed."  (The line starve causes the `2' to appear on the line
   above the `X', and the line feed gets back to the original line.)
   2. n. A character (or character sequence) that causes a terminal to
   perform this action.  ASCII 0011010, also called SUB or control-Z,
   was one common line-starve character in the days before
   microcomputers and the X3.64 terminal standard.  Unlike `line
   feed', `line starve' is *not* standard {{ASCII}}
   terminology.  Even among hackers it is considered a bit silly.
   3. [proposed] A sequence such as \c (used in System V echo, as well
   as nroff/troff) that suppresses a {newline} or other
   character(s) that would normally be emitted.
%%
:link farm: [UNIX] n. A directory tree that contains many links to
   files in a master directory tree of files.  Link farms save space
   when (for example) one is maintaining several nearly identical
   copies of the same source tree, e.g., when the only difference is
   architecture-dependent object files.  "Let's freeze the source and
   then rebuild the FROBOZZ-3 and FROBOZZ-4 link farms."  Link farms
   may also be used to get around restrictions on the number of
   `-I' (include-file directory) arguments on older
   C preprocessors.  However, they can also get completely out of
   hand, becoming the filesystem equivalent of {spaghetti code}.
%%
:link-dead: [MUD] adj. Said of a {MUD} character who has frozen in
   place because of a dropped Internet connection.
%%
:lint: [from UNIX's `lint(1)', named for the bits of fluff it
   picks from programs] 1. vt. To examine a program closely for style,
   language usage, and portability problems, esp. if in C, esp. if
   via use of automated analysis tools, most esp. if the UNIX
   utility `lint(1)' is used.  This term used to be restricted to
   use of `lint(1)' itself, but (judging by references on USENET)
   it has become a shorthand for {desk check} at some non-UNIX
   shops, even in languages other than C.  Also as v.  {delint}.
   2. n. Excess verbiage in a document, as in "this draft has too
   much lint".
%%
:lion food: [IBM] n. Middle management or HQ staff (by extension,
   administrative drones in general).  From an old joke about two
   lions who, escaping from the zoo, split up to increase their
   chances but agreed to meet after 2 months.  When they finally
   meet, one is skinny and the other overweight.  The thin one says:
   "How did you manage?  I ate a human just once and they turned out
   a small army to chase me --- guns, nets, it was terrible.  Since
   then I've been reduced to eating mice, insects, even grass."  The
   fat one replies: "Well, *I* hid near an IBM office and ate a
   manager a day.  And nobody even noticed!"
%%
:Lions Book: n. `Source Code and Commentary on UNIX level 6',
   by John Lions.  The two parts of this book contained (1) the entire
   source listing of the UNIX Version 6 kernel, and (2) a commentary
   on the source discussing the algorithms.  These were circulated
   internally at the University of New South Wales beginning 1976--77,
   and were for years after the *only* detailed kernel
   documentation available to anyone outside Bell Labs.  Because
   Western Electric wished to maintain trade secret status on the
   kernel, the Lions book was never formally published and was only
   supposed to be distributed to affiliates of source licensees.  In
   spite of this, it soon spread by samizdat to a good many of the
   early UNIX hackers.
%%
:LISP: [from `LISt Processing language', but mythically from
   `Lots of Irritating Superfluous Parentheses'] n. The name of AI's
   mother tongue, a language based on the ideas of (a) variable-length
   lists and trees as fundamental data types, and (b) the
   interpretation of code as data and vice-versa.  Invented by John
   McCarthy at MIT in the late 1950s, it is actually older than any
   other {HLL} still in use except FORTRAN.  Accordingly, it has
   undergone considerable adaptive radiation over the years; modern
   variants are quite different in detail from the original LISP 1.5.
   The dominant HLL among hackers until the early 1980s, LISP now
   shares the throne with {C}.  See {languages of choice}.

   All LISP functions and programs are expressions that return
   values; this, together with the high memory utilization of LISPs,
   gave rise to Alan Perlis's famous quip (itself a take on an Oscar
   Wilde quote) that "LISP programmers know the value of everything
   and the cost of nothing".

   One significant application for LISP has been as a proof by example
   that most newer languages, such as {COBOL} and {Ada}, are full
   of unnecessary {crock}s.  When the {Right Thing} has already
   been done once, there is no justification for {bogosity} in newer
   languages.
%%
:literature, the: n. Computer-science journals and other
   publications, vaguely gestured at to answer a question that the
   speaker believes is {trivial}.  Thus, one might answer an
   annoying question by saying "It's in the literature."  Oppose
   {Knuth}, which has no connotation of triviality.
%%
:little-endian: adj. Describes a computer architecture in which,
   within a given 16- or 32-bit word, bytes at lower addresses have
   lower significance (the word is stored `little-end-first').  The
   PDP-11 and VAX families of computers and Intel microprocessors and
   a lot of communications and networking hardware are little-endian.
   See {big-endian}, {middle-endian}, {NUXI problem}.  The term
   is sometimes used to describe the ordering of units other than
   bytes; most often these are bits within a byte.
%%
:live data: n. 1. Data that is written to be interpreted and takes
   over program flow when triggered by some un-obvious operation, such
   as viewing it.  One use of such hacks is to break security.  For
   example, some smart terminals have commands that allow one to
   download strings to program keys; this can be used to write live
   data that, when listed to the terminal, infects it with a
   security-breaking {virus} that is triggered the next time a
   hapless user strikes that key.  For another, there are some
   well-known bugs in {vi} that allow certain texts to send
   arbitrary commands back to the machine when they are simply viewed.
   2. In C code, data that includes pointers to function {hook}s
   (executable code).  3. An object, such as a {trampoline}, that is
   constructed on the fly by a program and intended to be executed as
   code.  4. Actual real-world data, as opposed to `test data'.
   For example, "I think I have the record deletion module
   finished."  "Have you tried it out on live data?"  It usually
   carries the connotation that live data is more fragile and must not
   be corrupted, else bad things will happen.  So a possible alternate
   response to the above claim might be: "Well, make sure it works
   perfectly before we throw live data at it."  The implication here
   is that record deletion is something pretty significant, and a
   haywire record-deletion module running amok on live data would
   cause great harm and probably require restoring from backups.
%%
:Live Free Or Die!: imp. 1. The state motto of New Hampshire, which
   appears on that state's automobile license plates.  2. A slogan
   associated with UNIX in the romantic days when UNIX aficionados saw
   themselves as a tiny, beleaguered underground tilting against the
   windmills of industry.  The "free" referred specifically to
   freedom from the {fascist} design philosophies and crufty
   misfeatures common on commercial operating systems.  Armando
   Stettner, one of the early UNIX developers, used to give out fake
   license plates bearing this motto under a large UNIX, all in New
   Hampshire colors of green and white.  These are now valued
   collector's items.
%%
:livelock: /li:v'lok/ n. A situation in which some critical stage
   of a task is unable to finish because its clients perpetually
   create more work for it to do after they have been serviced but
   before it can clear its queue.  Differs from {deadlock} in that
   the process is not blocked or waiting for anything, but has a
   virtually infinite amount of work to do and can never catch up.
%%
:liveware: /li:v'weir/ n. 1. Synonym for {wetware}.  Less
   common.  2. [Cambridge] Vermin. "Waiter, there's some liveware in
   my salad..."
%%
:lobotomy: n. 1. What a hacker subjected to formal management
   training is said to have undergone.  At IBM and elsewhere this term
   is used by both hackers and low-level management; the latter
   doubtless intend it as a joke.  2. The act of removing the
   processor from a microcomputer in order to replace or upgrade it.
   Some very cheap {clone} systems are sold in `lobotomized' form
   --- everything but the brain.
%%
:locked and loaded: [from military slang for an M-16 rifle with
   magazine inserted and prepared for firing] adj. Said of a removable
   disk volume properly prepared for use --- that is, locked into the
   drive and with the heads loaded.  Ironically, because their heads
   are `loaded' whenever the power is up, this description is never
   used of {{Winchester}} drives (which are named after a rifle).
%%
:logic bomb: n. Code surreptitiously inserted in an application or
   OS that causes it to perform some destructive or
   security-compromising activity whenever specified conditions are
   met.  Compare {back door}.
%%
:logical: [from the technical term `logical device', wherein a
   physical device is referred to by an arbitrary `logical' name]
   adj.  Having the role of.  If a person (say, Les Earnest at SAIL)
   who had long held a certain post left and were replaced, the
   replacement would for a while be known as the `logical' Les
   Earnest.  (This does not imply any judgment on the replacement.)
   Compare {virtual}.

   At Stanford, `logical' compass directions denote a coordinate
   system in which `logical north' is toward San Francisco,
   `logical west' is toward the ocean, etc., even though logical
   north varies between physical (true) north near San Francisco and
   physical west near San Jose.  (The best rule of thumb here is that,
   by definition, El Camino Real always runs logical north-and-south.)
   In giving directions, one might say: "To get to Rincon Tarasco
   restaurant, get onto {El Camino Bignum} going logical north."
   Using the word `logical' helps to prevent the recipient from
   worrying about that the fact that the sun is setting almost
   directly in front of him.  The concept is reinforced by North
   American highways which are almost, but not quite, consistently
   labeled with logical rather than physical directions.  A similar
   situation exists at MIT: Route 128 (famous for the electronics
   industry that has grown up along it) is a 3-quarters circle
   surrounding Boston at a radius of 10 miles, terminating near the
   coastline at each end.  It would be most precise to describe the
   two directions along this highway as `clockwise' and
   `counterclockwise', but the road signs all say "north" and
   "south", respectively.  A hacker might describe these directions
   as `logical north' and `logical south', to indicate that they
   are conventional directions not corresponding to the usual
   denotation for those words.  (If you went logical south along the
   entire length of route 128, you would start out going northwest,
   curve around to the south, and finish headed due east, including
   one infamous stretch of pavement which is simultaneously route 128
   south and Interstate 93 north, and is signed as such!)
%%
:loop through: vt. To process each element of a list of things.
   "Hold on, I've got to loop through my paper mail."  Derives from
   the computer-language notion of an iterative loop; compare `cdr
   down' (under {cdr}), which is less common among C and UNIX
   programmers.  ITS hackers used to say `IRP over' after an
   obscure pseudo-op in the MIDAS PDP-10 assembler.
%%
:loose bytes: n. Commonwealth hackish term for the padding bytes or
   {shim}s many compilers insert between members of a record or
   structure to cope with alignment requirements imposed by the
   machine architecture.
%%
:lord high fixer: [primarily British, from Gilbert & Sullivan's
   `lord high executioner'] n. The person in an organization who knows
   the most about some aspect of a system.  See {wizard}.
%%
:lose: [MIT] vi. 1. To fail.  A program loses when it encounters
   an exceptional condition or fails to work in the expected manner.
   2. To be exceptionally unesthetic or crocky.  3. Of people, to
   be obnoxious or unusually stupid (as opposed to ignorant).  See
   also {deserves to lose}.  4. n. Refers to something that is
   {losing}, especially in the phrases "That's a lose!" and "What
   a lose!"
%%
:lose lose: interj. A reply to or comment on an undesirable
   situation.  "I accidentally deleted all my files!"  "Lose,
   lose."
%%
:loser: n. An unexpectedly bad situation, program, programmer, or
   person.  Someone who habitually loses.  (Even winners can lose
   occasionally.)  Someone who knows not and knows not that he knows
   not.  Emphatic forms are `real loser', `total loser', and
   `complete loser' (but not *`moby loser', which would be a
   contradiction in terms).  See {luser}.
%%
:losing: adj. Said of anything that is or causes a {lose} or
   {lossage}.
%%
:loss: n. Something (not a person) that loses; a situation in which
   something is losing.  Emphatic forms include `moby loss', and
   `total loss', `complete loss'.  Common interjections are
   "What a loss!"  and "What a moby loss!"  Note that `moby loss'
   is OK even though *`moby loser' is not used; applied to an abstract
   noun, moby is simply a magnifier, whereas when applied to a person
   it implies substance and has positive connotations.  Compare
   {lossage}.
%%
:lossage: /los'*j/ n. The result of a bug or malfunction.  This
   is a mass or collective noun.  "What a loss!" and "What
   lossage!"  are nearly synonymous.  The former is slightly more
   particular to the speaker's present circumstances; the latter
   implies a continuing {lose} of which the speaker is currently a
   victim.  Thus (for example) a temporary hardware failure is a loss,
   but bugs in an important tool (like a compiler) are serious
   lossage.
%%
:lost in the noise: adj. Syn. {lost in the underflow}.  This term
   is from signal processing, where signals of very small amplitude
   cannot be separated from low-intensity noise in the system.  Though
   popular among hackers, it is not confined to hackerdom; physicists,
   engineers, astronomers, and statisticians all use it.
%%
:lost in the underflow: adj. Too small to be worth considering;
   more specifically, small beyond the limits of accuracy or
   measurement.  This is a reference to `floating underflow', a
   condition that can occur when a floating-point arithmetic processor
   tries to handle quantities smaller than its limit of magnitude.  It
   is also a pun on `undertow' (a kind of fast, cold current that
   sometimes runs just offshore and can be dangerous to swimmers).
   "Well, sure, photon pressure from the stadium lights alters the
   path of a thrown baseball, but that effect gets lost in the
   underflow."  See also {overflow bit}.
%%
:lots of MIPS but no I/O: adj. Used to describe a person who is
   technically brilliant but can't seem to communicate with human
   beings effectively.  Technically it describes a machine that has
   lots of processing power but is bottlenecked on input-output (in
   1991, the IBM Rios, a.k.a. RS/6000, is a notorious recent
   example).
%%
:low-bandwidth: [from communication theory] adj. Used to indicate a
   talk that, although not {content-free}, was not terribly
   informative.  "That was a low-bandwidth talk, but what can you
   expect for an audience of {suit}s!"  Compare {zero-content},
   {bandwidth}, {math-out}.
%%
:LPT: /L-P-T/ or /lip'it/ or /lip-it'/ [MIT, via DEC] n.  Line
   printer, of course.  Rare under UNIX, commoner in hackers with
   MS-DOS or CP/M background.  The printer device is called
   `LPT:' on those systems that, like ITS, were strongly
   influenced by early DEC conventions.
%%
:lunatic fringe: [IBM] n. Customers who can be relied upon to accept
   release 1 versions of software.
%%
:lurker: n. One of the `silent majority' in a electronic forum;
   one who posts occasionally or not at all but is known to read the
   group's postings regularly.  This term is not pejorative and indeed
   is casually used reflexively: "Oh, I'm just lurking."  Often used
   in `the lurkers', the hypothetical audience for the group's
   {flamage}-emitting regulars.
%%
:luser: /loo'zr/ n. A {user}; esp. one who is also a
   {loser}.  ({luser} and {loser} are pronounced
   identically.)  This word was coined around 1975 at MIT.  Under
   ITS, when you first walked up to a terminal at MIT and typed
   Control-Z to get the computer's attention, it printed out some
   status information, including how many people were already using
   the computer; it might print "14 users", for example.  Someone
   thought it would be a great joke to patch the system to print
   "14 losers" instead.  There ensued a great controversy, as some
   of the users didn't particularly want to be called losers to their
   faces every time they used the computer.  For a while several
   hackers struggled covertly, each changing the message behind the
   back of the others; any time you logged into the computer it was
   even money whether it would say "users" or "losers".  Finally,
   someone tried the compromise "lusers", and it stuck.  Later one
   of the ITS machines supported `luser' as a request-for-help
   command.  ITS died the death in mid-1990, except as a museum piece;
   the usage lives on, however, and the term `luser' is often seen
   in program comments.
%%
:macdink: /mak'dink/ [from the Apple Macintosh, which is said to
   encourage such behavior] vt. To make many incremental and
   unnecessary cosmetic changes to a program or file.  Often the
   subject of the macdinking would be better off without them.
   "When I left at 11 P.M. last night, he was still macdinking the
   slides for his presentation."  See also {fritterware}.
%%
:machinable: adj. Machine-readable.  Having the {softcopy} nature.
%%
:machoflops: /mach'oh-flops/ [pun on `megaflops', a coinage for
   `millions of FLoating-point Operations Per Second'] n. Refers to
   artificially inflated performance figures often quoted by computer
   manufacturers.  Real applications are lucky to get half the quoted
   speed. See {Your mileage may vary}, {benchmark}.
%%
:Macintoy: /mak'in-toy/ n. The Apple Macintosh, considered as a
   {toy}.  Less pejorative than {Macintrash}.
%%
:Macintrash: /mak'in-trash`/ n. The Apple Macintosh, as described
   by a hacker who doesn't appreciate being kept away from the
   *real computer* by the interface.  The term {maggotbox} has
   been reported in regular use in the Research Triangle area of North
   Carolina.  Compare {Macintoy}. See also {beige toaster},
   {WIMP environment}, {point-and-drool interface},
   {drool-proof paper}, {user-friendly}.
%%
:macro: /mak'roh/ [techspeak] n. A name (possibly followed by a
   formal {arg} list) that is equated to a text or symbolic
   expression to which it is to be expanded (possibly with the
   substitution of actual arguments) by a macro expander.  This
   definition can be found in any technical dictionary; what those
   won't tell you is how the hackish connotations of the term have
   changed over time.

   The term `macro' originated in early assemblers, which encouraged
   the use of macros as a structuring and information-hiding device.
   During the early 1970s, macro assemblers became ubiquitous, and
   sometimes quite as powerful and expensive as {HLL}s, only to fall
   from favor as improving compiler technology marginalized assembler
   programming (see {languages of choice}).  Nowadays the term is
   most often used in connection with the C preprocessor, LISP, or one
   of several special-purpose languages built around a macro-expansion
   facility (such as TeX or UNIX's [nt]roff suite).

   Indeed, the meaning has drifted enough that the collective
   `macros' is now sometimes used for code in any special-purpose
   application control language (whether or not the language is
   actually translated by text expansion), and for macro-like entities
   such as the `keyboard macros' supported in some text editors
   (and PC TSR or Macintosh INIT/CDEV keyboard enhancers).
%%
:macro-: pref. Large.  Opposite of {micro-}.  In the mainstream
   and among other technical cultures (for example, medical people)
   this competes with the prefix {mega-}, but hackers tend to
   restrict the latter to quantification.
%%
:macrology: /mak-rol'*-jee/ n. 1. Set of usually complex or crufty
   macros, e.g., as part of a large system written in {LISP},
   {TECO}, or (less commonly) assembler.  2. The art and science
   involved in comprehending a macrology in sense 1.  Sometimes
   studying the macrology of a system is not unlike archeology,
   ecology, or {theology}, hence the sound-alike construction.  See
   also {boxology}.
%%
:macrotape: /ma'kroh-tayp/ n. An industry-standard reel of tape, as
   opposed to a {microtape}.
%%
:maggotbox: /mag'*t-boks/ n. See {Macintrash}.  This is even
   more derogatory.
%%
:magic: adj. 1. As yet unexplained, or too complicated to explain;
   compare {automagically} and (Arthur C.) Clarke's Third Law:
   "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
   magic."  "TTY echoing is controlled by a large number of magic
   bits."  "This routine magically computes the parity of an 8-bit
   byte in three instructions."  2. Characteristic of something that
   works although no one really understands why (this is especially
   called {black magic}).  3. [Stanford] A feature not generally
   publicized that allows something otherwise impossible, or a feature
   formerly in that category but now unveiled.  Compare {black
   magic}, {wizardly}, {deep magic}, {heavy wizardry}.

   For more about hackish `magic', see {A Story About `Magic'}
   (in {appendix A}).
%%
:magic cookie: [UNIX] n. 1. Something passed between routines or
   programs that enables the receiver to perform some operation; a
   capability ticket or opaque identifier.  Especially used of small
   data objects that contain data encoded in a strange or
   intrinsically machine-dependent way.  E.g., on non-UNIX OSes with a
   non-byte-stream model of files, the result of `ftell(3)' may
   be a magic cookie rather than a byte offset; it can be passed to
   `fseek(3)', but not operated on in any meaningful way.  The
   phrase `it hands you a magic cookie' means it returns a result
   whose contents are not defined but which can be passed back to the
   same or some other program later.  2. An in-band code for
   changing graphic rendition (e.g., inverse video or underlining) or
   performing other control functions.  Some older terminals would
   leave a blank on the screen corresponding to mode-change magic
   cookies; this was also called a {glitch}.  See also {cookie}.
%%
:magic number: [UNIX/C] n. 1. In source code, some non-obvious
   constant whose value is significant to the operation of a program
   and that is inserted inconspicuously in-line ({hardcoded}),
   rather than expanded in by a symbol set by a commented
   `#define'.  Magic numbers in this sense are bad style.  2. A
   number that encodes critical information used in an algorithm in
   some opaque way.  The classic examples of these are the numbers
   used in hash or CRC functions, or the coefficients in a linear
   congruential generator for pseudo-random numbers.  This sense
   actually predates and was ancestral to the more common sense 1.
   3. Special data located at the beginning of a binary data file to
   indicate its type to a utility.  Under UNIX, the system and various
   applications programs (especially the linker) distinguish between
   types of executable file by looking for a magic number.  Once upon
   a time, these magic numbers were PDP-11 branch instructions that
   skipped over header data to the start of executable code; the 0407,
   for example, was octal for `branch 16 bytes relative'.  Nowadays
   only a {wizard} knows the spells to create magic numbers.  How do
   you choose a fresh magic number of your own?  Simple --- you pick
   one at random.  See?  It's magic!
%%
:magic smoke: n. A substance trapped inside IC packages that enables
   them to function (also called `blue smoke'; this is similar to
   the archaic `phlogiston' hypothesis about combustion).  Its
   existence is demonstrated by what happens when a chip burns up ---
   the magic smoke gets let out, so it doesn't work any more.  See
   {smoke test}, {let the smoke out}.

   USENETter Jay Maynard tells the following story: "Once, while
   hacking on a dedicated Z80 system, I was testing code by blowing
   EPROMs and plugging them in the system, then seeing what happened.
   One time, I plugged one in backwards.  I only discovered that
   *after* I realized that Intel didn't put power-on lights under
   the quartz windows on the tops of their EPROMs --- the die was
   glowing white-hot.  Amazingly, the EPROM worked fine after I erased
   it, filled it full of zeros, then erased it again.  For all I know,
   it's still in service.  Of course, this is because the magic smoke
   didn't get let out."  Compare the original phrasing of {Murphy's
   Law}.
%%
:mailing list: n. (often shortened in context to `list') 1. An
   {email} address that is an alias (or {macro}, though that word
   is never used in this connection) for many other email addresses.
   Some mailing lists are simple `reflectors', redirecting mail sent
   to them to the list of recipients.  Others are filtered by humans
   or programs of varying degrees of sophistication; lists filtered by
   humans are said to be `moderated'.  2. The people who receive
   your email when you send it to such an address.

   Mailing lists are one of the primary forms of hacker interaction,
   along with {USENET}.  They predate USENET, having originated
   with the first UUCP and ARPANET connections.  They are often used
   for private information-sharing on topics that would be too
   specialized for or inappropriate to public USENET groups.  Though
   some of these maintain purely technical content (such as the
   Internet Engineering Task Force mailing list), others (like the
   `sf-lovers' list maintained for many years by Saul Jaffe) are
   recreational, and others are purely social.  Perhaps the most
   infamous of the social lists was the eccentric bandykin
   distribution; its latter-day progeny, lectroids and
   tanstaafl, still include a number of the oddest and most
   interesting people in hackerdom.

   Mailing lists are easy to create and (unlike USENET) don't tie up a
   significant amount of machine resources (until they get very large,
   at which point they can become interesting torture tests for mail
   software).  Thus, they are often created temporarily by working
   groups, the members of which can then collaborate on a project
   without ever needing to meet face-to-face.  Much of the material in
   this lexicon was criticized and polished on just such a mailing
   list (called `jargon-friends'), which included all the co-authors
   of Steele-1983.
%%
:main loop: n. Software tools are often written to perform some
   actions repeatedly on whatever input is handed to them, terminating
   when there is no more input or they are explicitly told to go away.
   In such programs, the loop that gets and processes input is called
   the `main loop'.  See also {driver}.
%%
:mainframe: n. Term originally referring to the cabinet
   containing the central processor unit or `main frame' of a
   room-filling {Stone Age} batch machine.  After the emergence of
   smaller `minicomputer' designs in the early 1970s, the
   traditional {big iron} machines were described as `mainframe
   computers' and eventually just as mainframes.  The term carries the
   connotation of a machine designed for batch rather than interactive
   use, though possibly with an interactive timesharing operating
   system retrofitted onto it; it is especially used of machines built
   by IBM, Unisys, and the other great {dinosaur}s surviving from
   computing's {Stone Age}.

   It is common wisdom among hackers that the mainframe architectural
   tradition is essentially dead (outside of the tiny market for
   {number-crunching} supercomputers (see {cray})), having been
   swamped by the recent huge advances in IC technology and low-cost
   personal computing.  As of 1991, corporate America hasn't quite
   figured this out yet, though the wave of failures, takeovers, and
   mergers among traditional mainframe makers are certainly straws in
   the wind (see {dinosaurs mating}).
%%
:management: n. 1. Corporate power elites distinguished primarily by
   their distance from actual productive work and their chronic
   failure to manage (see also {suit}).  Spoken derisively, as in
   "*Management* decided that ...".  2. Mythically, a vast
   bureaucracy responsible for all the world's minor irritations.
   Hackers' satirical public notices are often signed `The Mgt'; this
   derives from the `Illuminatus' novels (see the Bibliography in
   {appendix C}).
%%
:mandelbug: /mon'del-buhg/ [from the Mandelbrot set] n. A bug
   whose underlying causes are so complex and obscure as to make its
   behavior appear chaotic or even non-deterministic.  This term
   implies that the speaker thinks it is a {Bohr bug}, rather than a
   {heisenbug}.  See also {schroedinbug}.
%%
:manged: /monjd/ [probably from the French `manger' or Italian
   `mangiare', to eat; perhaps influenced by English n. `mange',
   `mangy'] adj. Refers to anything that is mangled or damaged,
   usually beyond repair.  "The disk was manged after the electrical
   storm."  Compare {mung}.
%%
:mangle: vt. Used similarly to {mung} or {scribble}, but more violent
   in its connotations; something that is mangled has been
   irreversibly and totally trashed.
%%
:mangler: [DEC] n. A manager.  Compare {mango}; see also
   {management}.  Note that {system mangler} is somewhat different
   in connotation.
%%
:mango: /mang'go/ [orig. in-house jargon at Symbolics] n. A manager.
   Compare {mangler}.  See also {devo} and {doco}.
%%
:manularity: [prob. fr. techspeak `granularity' + `manual']
   n. A notional measure of the manual labor required for some task,
   particularly one of the sort that automation is supposed to
   eliminate.  "Composing English on paper has much higher manularity
   than using a text editor, especially in the revising stage."
   Hackers tend to consider manularity a symptom of primitive methods;
   in fact, a true hacker confronted with an apparent requirement to
   do a computing task {by hand} will usually consider it
   motivation enough to build another tool.
%%
:marbles: [from mainstream "lost all his/her marbles"] pl.n. The
   minimum needed to build your way further up some hierarchy of tools
   or abstractions.  After a bad system crash, you need to determine
   if the machine has enough marbles to come up on its own, or enough
   marbles to allow a rebuild from backups, or if you need to rebuild
   from scratch.  "This compiler doesn't even have enough marbles to
   compile {hello, world}."
%%
:marginal: adj. 1. Extremely small.  "A marginal increase in
   {core} can decrease {GC} time drastically."  In everyday
   terms, this means that it is a lot easier to clean off your desk if
   you have a spare place to put some of the junk while you sort
   through it.  2. Of extremely small merit.  "This proposed new
   feature seems rather marginal to me."  3. Of extremely small
   probability of {win}ning.  "The power supply was rather marginal
   anyway; no wonder it fried."
%%
:Marginal Hacks: n. Margaret Jacks Hall, a building into which the
   Stanford AI Lab was moved near the beginning of the 1980s (from the
   {D. C. Power Lab}).
%%
:marginally: adv. Slightly.  "The ravs here are only marginally
   better than at Small Eating Place."  See {epsilon}.
%%
:marketroid: /mar'k*-troyd/ alt. `marketing slime',
   `marketing droid', `marketeer' n. A member of a company's
   marketing department, esp. one who promises users that the next
   version of a product will have features that are not actually
   scheduled for inclusion, are extremely difficult to implement,
   and/or are in violation of the laws of physics; and/or one who
   describes existing features (and misfeatures) in ebullient,
   buzzword-laden adspeak.  Derogatory.  Compare {droid}.
%%
:Mars: n. A legendary tragic failure, the archetypal Hacker Dream
   Gone Wrong.  Mars was the code name for a family of PDP-10
   compatible computers built by Systems Concepts (now, The SC Group);
   the multi-processor SC-30M, the small uniprocessor SC-25M, and the
   never-built superprocessor SC-40M.  These machines were marvels of
   engineering design; although not much slower than the unique
   {Foonly} F-1, they were physically smaller and consumed less
   power than the much slower DEC KS10 or Foonly F-2, F-3, or F-4
   machines.  They were also completely compatible with the DEC KL10,
   and ran all KL10 binaries, including the operating system, with no
   modifications at about 2--3 times faster than a KL10.
   
   When DEC cancelled the Jupiter project in 1983, Systems Concepts
   should have made a bundle selling their machine into shops with a
   lot of software investment in PDP-10s, and in fact their spring
   1984 announcement generated a great deal of excitement in the
   PDP-10 world.  TOPS-10 was running on the Mars by the summer of
   1984, and TOPS-20 by early fall.  Unfortunately, the hackers
   running Systems Concepts were much better at designing machines
   than at mass producing or selling them; the company allowed itself
   to be sidetracked by a bout of perfectionism into continually
   improving the design, and lost credibility as delivery dates
   continued to slip.  They also overpriced the product ridiculously;
   they believed they were competing with the KL10 and VAX 8600 and
   failed to reckon with the likes of Sun Microsystems and other
   hungry startups building workstations with power comparable to the
   KL10 at a fraction of the price.  By the time SC shipped the first
   SC-30M to Stanford in late 1985, most customers had already made
   the traumatic decision to abandon the PDP-10, usually for VMS or
   UNIX boxes.  Most of the Mars computers built ended up being
   purchased by CompuServe.
   
   This tale and the related saga of {Foonly} hold a lesson for hackers:
   if you want to play in the {Real World}, you need to learn Real World
   moves.
%%   
:martian: n. A packet sent on a TCP/IP network with a source
   address of the test loopback interface [127.0.0.1].  This means
   that it will come back at you labeled with a source address that
   is clearly not of this earth.  "The domain server is getting lots
   of packets from Mars.  Does that gateway have a martian filter?"
%%
:massage: vt. Vague term used to describe `smooth' transformations of
   a data set into a different form, esp. transformations that do
   not lose information.  Connotes less pain than {munch} or {crunch}.
   "He wrote a program that massages X bitmap files into GIF
   format."  Compare {slurp}.
%%
:math-out: [poss. from `white-out' (the blizzard variety)] n. A
   paper or presentation so encrusted with mathematical or other
   formal notation as to be incomprehensible.  This may be a device
   for concealing the fact that it is actually {content-free}.  See
   also {numbers}, {social science number}.
%%
:Matrix: [FidoNet] n. 1. What the Opus BBS software and sysops call
   {FidoNet}.  2. Fanciful term for a {cyberspace} expected to
   emerge from current networking experiments (see {network, the}).
   3. The totality of present-day computer networks.
%%
:maximum Maytag mode: What a {washing machine} or, by extension,
   any hard disk is in when it's being used so heavily that it's
   shaking like an old Maytag with an unbalanced load.  If prolonged
   for any length of time, can lead to disks becoming {walking
   drives}.
%%
:Mbogo, Dr. Fred: /*m-boh'goh, dok'tr fred/ [Stanford] n. The
   archetypal man you don't want to see about a problem, esp. an
   incompetent professional; a shyster.  "Do you know a good eye
   doctor?"  "Sure, try Mbogo Eye Care and Professional Dry
   Cleaning."  The name comes from synergy between {bogus} and the
   original Dr. Mbogo, a witch doctor who was Gomez Addams' physician
   on the old "Addams Family" TV show.  See also
   {fred}.
%%
:meatware: n. Synonym for {wetware}.  Less common.
%%
:meeces: /mees'*z/ [TMRC] n. Occasional furry visitors who are
   not {urchin}s.  [That is, mice. This may no longer be in live
   use; it clearly derives from the refrain of the early-1960s cartoon
   character Mr. Jinx: "I hate meeces to *pieces*!" --- ESR]
%%
:megapenny: /meg'*-pen`ee/ n. $10,000 (1 cent * 10^6).
   Used semi-humorously as a unit in comparing computer cost and
   performance figures.
%%
:MEGO: /me'goh/ or /mee'goh/ [`My Eyes Glaze Over', often `Mine Eyes
   Glazeth (sic) Over', attributed to the futurologist Herman Kahn]
   Also `MEGO factor'.  1. n. A {handwave} intended to confuse the
   listener and hopefully induce agreement because the listener does
   not want to admit to not understanding what is going on.  MEGO is
   usually directed at senior management by engineers and contains a
   high proportion of {TLA}s.  2. excl. An appropriate response to
   MEGO tactics.  3. Among non-hackers this term often refers not to
   behavior that causes the eyes to glaze, but to the eye-glazing
   reaction itself, which may be triggered by the mere threat of
   technical detail as effectively as by an actual excess of it.
%%
A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the
defendent, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the
influence, demanded a jury trial.  It was nearly 4 p.m. and getting a
jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the
hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty.  He found a
dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
  The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed
the judge back to the courtroom.  The trial was over in about 10
minutes and it was very clear that the defendent was guilty.  The jury
went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home,
and everyone waited.
  After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and
sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the
verdict.  When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they
got a verdict yet?"
  The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict?  Hell, they're still
doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"
%%
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked.
"Not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
%%
A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's
grandmother.  On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the
little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same
grave?"
  "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
  "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
%%
The defendent who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at
least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.
%%
These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to
cross the Atlantic Ocean.  After 37 hours in the air, George says
"Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".
Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon
descends to below the cloud cover.  George says, "I still can't
tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground".  So Harry
yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And
the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet
up in the air".  George turns to Harry and says "That man must
be a lawyer".  And Harry says "How can you tell?".  George says
"Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally
useless".
  That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still
worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink,
and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists
Soaked by Lawyer".
%%
     For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief
vacations at this country inn.  The last time he'd finally managed
an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.  Looking forward to an
exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn,
then stopped short.  There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
     "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?"
he cried.  "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married,
and the baby would have my name!"
     "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we
sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better
to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
%%
:bamf: /bamf/ 1. [from old X-Men comics] interj. Notional sound
   made by a person or object teleporting in or out of the hearer's
   vicinity.  Often used in {virtual reality} (esp. {MUD})
   electronic {fora} when a character wishes to make a dramatic
   entrance or exit.  2. The sound of magical transformation, used in
   virtual reality {fora} like sense 1.  3. [from `Don
   Washington's Survival Guide'] n. Acronym for `Bad-Ass Mother
   Fucker', used to refer to one of the handful of nastiest monsters
   on an LPMUD or other similar MUD.
%%
:banana label: n. The labels often used on the sides of {macrotape}
   reels, so called because they are shaped roughly like blunt-ended
   bananas.  This term, like macrotapes themselves, is still current
   but visibly headed for obsolescence.
%%
:banana problem: n. [from the story of the little girl who said "I
   know how to spell `banana', but I don't know when to stop"].  Not
   knowing where or when to bring a production to a close (compare
   {fencepost error}).  One may say `there is a banana problem' of an
   algorithm with poorly defined or incorrect termination conditions,
   or in discussing the evolution of a design that may be succumbing
   to featuritis (see also {creeping elegance}, {creeping
   featuritis}).  See item 176 under {HAKMEM}, which describes a
   banana problem in a {Dissociated Press} implementation.  Also,
   see {one-banana problem} for a superficially similar but
   unrelated usage.
%%
:bandwidth: n. 1. Used by hackers in a generalization of its
   technical meaning as the volume of information per unit time that a
   computer, person, or transmission medium can handle.  "Those are
   amazing graphics, but I missed some of the detail --- not enough
   bandwidth, I guess."  Compare {low-bandwidth}.  2. Attention
   span.  3. On {USENET}, a measure of network capacity that is
   often wasted by people complaining about how items posted by others
   are a waste of bandwidth.
%%
:bang: 1. n. Common spoken name for `!' (ASCII 0100001),
   especially when used in pronouncing a {bang path} in spoken
   hackish.  In {elder days} this was considered a CMUish usage,
   with MIT and Stanford hackers preferring {excl} or {shriek};
   but the spread of UNIX has carried `bang' with it (esp. via the
   term {bang path}) and it is now certainly the most common spoken
   name for `!'.  Note that it is used exclusively for
   non-emphatic written `!'; one would not say "Congratulations
   bang" (except possibly for humorous purposes), but if one wanted
   to specify the exact characters `foo!' one would speak "Eff oh oh
   bang".  See {shriek}, {{ASCII}}.  2. interj. An exclamation
   signifying roughly "I have achieved enlightenment!", or "The
   dynamite has cleared out my brain!"  Often used to acknowledge
   that one has perpetrated a {thinko} immediately after one has
   been called on it.
%%
:bang on: vt. To stress-test a piece of hardware or software: "I
   banged on the new version of the simulator all day yesterday and it
   didn't crash once.  I guess it is ready for release."  The term
   {pound on} is synonymous.
%%
:bang path: n. An old-style UUCP electronic-mail address specifying
   hops to get from some assumed-reachable location to the addressee,
   so called because each {hop} is signified by a {bang} sign.
   Thus, for example, the path ...!bigsite!foovax!barbox!me
   directs people to route their mail to machine bigsite (presumably
   a well-known location accessible to everybody) and from there
   through the machine foovax to the account of user me on
   barbox.

   In the bad old days of not so long ago, before autorouting mailers
   became commonplace, people often published compound bang addresses
   using the { } convention (see {glob}) to give paths from
   *several* big machines, in the hopes that one's correspondent
   might be able to get mail to one of them reliably (example:
   ...!{seismo, ut-sally, ihnp4}!rice!beta!gamma!me).  Bang paths
   of 8 to 10 hops were not uncommon in 1981.  Late-night dial-up
   UUCP links would cause week-long transmission times.  Bang paths
   were often selected by both transmission time and reliability, as
   messages would often get lost.  See {{Internet address}},
   {network, the}, and {sitename}.
%%
:banner: n. 1. The title page added to printouts by most print
   spoolers (see {spool}).  Typically includes user or account ID
   information in very large character-graphics capitals.  Also called
   a `burst page', because it indicates where to burst (tear apart)
   fanfold paper to separate one user's printout from the next.  2. A
   similar printout generated (typically on multiple pages of fan-fold
   paper) from user-specified text, e.g., by a program such as UNIX's
   `banner({1,6})'.  3. On interactive software, a first screen
   containing a logo and/or author credits and/or a copyright notice.
%%
:bar: /bar/ n. 1. The second {metasyntactic variable}, after {foo}
   and before {baz}.  "Suppose we have two functions: FOO and BAR.
   FOO calls BAR...."  2. Often appended to {foo} to produce
   {foobar}.
%%
:bare metal: n. 1. New computer hardware, unadorned with such
   snares and delusions as an {operating system}, an {HLL}, or
   even assembler.  Commonly used in the phrase `programming on the
   bare metal', which refers to the arduous work of {bit bashing}
   needed to create these basic tools for a new machine.  Real
   bare-metal programming involves things like building boot proms and
   BIOS chips, implementing basic monitors used to test device
   drivers, and writing the assemblers that will be used to write the
   compiler back ends that will give the new machine a real
   development environment.  2. `Programming on the bare metal' is
   also used to describe a style of {hand-hacking} that relies on
   bit-level peculiarities of a particular hardware design, esp.
   tricks for speed and space optimization that rely on crocks such as
   overlapping instructions (or, as in the famous case described in
   {The Story of Mel, a Real Programmer} (in {appendix A}),
   interleaving of opcodes on a magnetic drum to minimize fetch delays
   due to the device's rotational latency).  This sort of thing has
   become less common as the relative costs of programming time and
   machine resources have changed, but is still found in heavily
   constrained environments such as industrial embedded systems.  See
   {real programmer}.

   In the world of personal computing, bare metal programming
   (especially in sense 1 but sometimes also in sense 2) is often
   considered a {Good Thing}, or at least a necessary evil
   (because these machines have often been sufficiently slow and
   poorly designed to make it necessary; see {ill-behaved}).
   There, the term usually refers to bypassing the BIOS or OS
   interface and writing the application to directly access device
   registers and machine addresses.  "To get 19.2 kilobaud on the
   serial port, you need to get down to the bare metal."  People who
   can do this sort of thing are held in high regard.
%%
:barf: /barf/ [from mainstream slang meaning `vomit']
   1. interj.  Term of disgust.  This is the closest hackish
   equivalent of the Val\-speak "gag me with a spoon". (Like, euwww!)
   See {bletch}.  2. vi. To say "Barf!" or emit some similar
   expression of disgust.  "I showed him my latest hack and he
   barfed" means only that he complained about it, not that he
   literally vomited.  3. vi. To fail to work because of unacceptable
   input.  May mean to give an error message.  Examples: "The
   division operation barfs if you try to divide by 0."  (That is,
   the division operation checks for an attempt to divide by zero, and
   if one is encountered it causes the operation to fail in some
   unspecified, but generally obvious, manner.) "The text editor
   barfs if you try to read in a new file before writing out the old
   one."  See {choke}, {gag}.  In Commonwealth hackish,
   `barf' is generally replaced by `puke' or `vom'.  {barf}
   is sometimes also used as a {metasyntactic variable}, like {foo} or
   {bar}.
%%
:barfmail: n. Multiple {bounce message}s accumulating to the
   level of serious annoyance, or worse.  The sort of thing that
   happens when an inter-network mail gateway goes down or
   wonky.
%%
:barfulation: /bar`fyoo-lay'sh*n/ interj. Variation of {barf}
   used around the Stanford area.  An exclamation, expressing disgust.
   On seeing some particularly bad code one might exclaim,
   "Barfulation!  Who wrote this, Quux?"
%%
:barfulous: /bar'fyoo-l*s/ adj. (alt. `barfucious',
   /bar-fyoo-sh*s/) Said of something that would make anyone barf,
   if only for esthetic reasons.
%%
:barney: n. In Commonwealth hackish, `barney' is to {fred}
   (sense #1) as {bar} is to {foo}.  That is, people who
   commonly use `fred' as their first metasyntactic variable will
   often use `barney' second.  The reference is, of course, to Fred
   Flintstone and Barney Rubble in the Flintstones cartoons.
%%
:baroque: adj. Feature-encrusted; complex; gaudy; verging on
   excessive.  Said of hardware or (esp.) software designs, this has
   many of the connotations of {elephantine} or {monstrosity} but is
   less extreme and not pejorative in itself.  "Metafont even has 
   features to introduce random variations to its letterform output.
   Now *that* is baroque!"  See also {rococo}.
%%
:BartleMUD: /bar'tl-muhd/ n. Any of the MUDs derived from the
   original MUD game by Richard Bartle and Roy Trubshaw (see
   {MUD}).  BartleMUDs are noted for their (usually slightly
   offbeat) humor, dry but friendly syntax, and lack of adjectives in
   object descriptions, so a player is likely to come across
   `brand172', for instance (see {brand brand brand}).  Bartle has
   taken a bad rap in some MUDding circles for supposedly originating
   this term, but (like the story that MUD is a trademark) this
   appears to be a myth; he uses `MUD1'.
%%
:BASIC: n. A programming language, originally designed for
   Dartmouth's experimental timesharing system in the early 1960s,
   which has since become the leading cause of brain-damage in
   proto-hackers.  This is another case (like {Pascal}) of the bad
   things that happen when a language deliberately designed as an
   educational toy gets taken too seriously.  A novice can write short
   BASIC programs (on the order of 10--20 lines) very easily; writing
   anything longer is (a) very painful, and (b) encourages bad habits
   that will bite him/her later if he/she tries to hack in a real
   language.  This wouldn't be so bad if historical accidents hadn't
   made BASIC so common on low-end micros.  As it is, it ruins
   thousands of potential wizards a year.
%%
:batch: adj. 1. Non-interactive.  Hackers use this somewhat more
   loosely than the traditional technical definitions justify; in
   particular, switches on a normally interactive program that prepare
   it to receive non-interactive command input are often referred to
   as `batch mode' switches.  A `batch file' is a series of
   instructions written to be handed to an interactive program running
   in batch mode.  2. Performance of dreary tasks all at one sitting.
   "I finally sat down in batch mode and wrote out checks for all
   those bills; I guess they'll turn the electricity back on next
   week..." 3. Accumulation of a number of small tasks that can be
   lumped together for greater efficiency.  "I'm batching up those
   letters to send sometime"  "I'm batching up bottles to take to the
   recycling center."
%%
:bathtub curve: n. Common term for the curve (resembling an
   end-to-end section of one of those claw-footed antique bathtubs)
   that describes the expected failure rate of electronics with time:
   initially high, dropping to near 0 for most of the system's
   lifetime, then rising again as it `tires out'.  See also {burn-in
   period}, {infant mortality}.
%%
:baud: /bawd/ [simplified from its technical meaning] n. Bits per
   second.  Hence kilobaud or Kbaud, thousands of bits per second.
   The technical meaning is `level transitions per second'; this
   coincides with bps only for two-level modulation with no framing or
   stop bits.  Most hackers are aware of these nuances but blithely
   ignore them.

   Histotical note: this was originally a unit of telegraph signalling
   speed, set at one pulse per second.  It was proposed at the
   International Telegraph Conference of 1927, and named after J.M.E.
   Baudot (1845-1903), the French engineer who constructed the first
   successful teleprinter.
%%
:baud barf: /bawd barf/ n. The garbage one gets on the monitor
   when using a modem connection with some protocol setting (esp.
   line speed) incorrect, or when someone picks up a voice extension
   on the same line, or when really bad line noise disrupts the
   connection.  Baud barf is not completely {random}, by the way;
   hackers with a lot of serial-line experience can usually tell
   whether the device at the other end is expecting a higher or lower
   speed than the terminal is set to.  *Really* experienced ones
   can identify particular speeds.
%%
:baz: /baz/ n. 1. The third {metasyntactic variable} "Suppose we
   have three functions: FOO, BAR, and BAZ.  FOO calls BAR, which
   calls BAZ...." (See also {fum}) 2. interj. A term of mild
   annoyance.  In this usage the term is often drawn out for 2 or 3
   seconds, producing an effect not unlike the bleating of a sheep;
   /baaaaaaz/.  3. Occasionally appended to {foo} to produce
   `foobaz'.

   Earlier versions of this lexicon derived `baz' as a Stanford
   corruption of {bar}.  However, Pete Samson (compiler of the
   {TMRC} lexicon) reports it was already current when he joined TMRC
   in 1958.  He says "It came from `Pogo'.  Albert the Alligator,
   when vexed or outraged, would shout `Bazz Fazz!' or `Rowrbazzle!'
   The club layout was said to model the (mythical) New England
   counties of Rowrfolk and Bassex (Rowrbazzle mingled with
   (Norfolk/Suffolk/Middlesex/Essex)."
%%
:bboard: /bee'bord/ [contraction of `bulletin board'] n.
   1. Any electronic bulletin board; esp. used of {BBS} systems
   running on personal micros, less frequently of a USENET
   {newsgroup} (in fact, use of the term for a newsgroup generally
   marks one either as a {newbie} fresh in from the BBS world or as
   a real old-timer predating USENET).  2. At CMU and other colleges
   with similar facilities, refers to campus-wide electronic bulletin
   boards.  3. The term `physical bboard' is sometimes used to
   refer to a old-fashioned, non-electronic cork memo board.  At CMU,
   it refers to a particular one outside the CS Lounge.

   In either of senses 1 or 2, the term is usually prefixed by the
   name of the intended board (`the Moonlight Casino bboard' or
   `market bboard'); however, if the context is clear, the better-read
   bboards may be referred to by name alone, as in (at CMU) "Don't
   post for-sale ads on general".
%%
:BBS: /B-B-S/ [abbreviation, `Bulletin Board System'] n. An electronic
   bulletin board system; that is, a message database where people can
   log in and leave broadcast messages for others grouped (typically)
   into {topic group}s.  Thousands of local BBS systems are in
   operation throughout the U.S., typically run by amateurs for fun
   out of their homes on MS-DOS boxes with a single modem line each.
   Fans of USENET and Internet or the big commercial timesharing
   bboards such as CompuServe and GEnie tend to consider local BBSes
   the low-rent district of the hacker culture, but they serve a
   valuable function by knitting together lots of hackers and users in
   the personal-micro world who would otherwise be unable to exchange
   code at all.
%%
:beam: [from Star Trek Classic's "Beam me up, Scotty!"] vt. To
   transfer {softcopy} of a file electronically; most often in
   combining forms such as `beam me a copy' or `beam that over to
   his site'.  Compare {blast}, {snarf}, {BLT}.
%%
:beanie key: [Mac users] n. See {command key}.
%%
:beep: n.,v. Syn. {feep}.  This term seems to be preferred among micro
   hobbyists.
%%
:beige toaster: n. A Macintosh. See {toaster}; compare
   {Macintrash}, {maggotbox}.
%%
:bells and whistles: [by analogy with the toyboxes on theater
   organs] n. Features added to a program or system to make it more
   {flavorful} from a hacker's point of view, without necessarily
   adding to its utility for its primary function.  Distinguished from
   {chrome}, which is intended to attract users.  "Now that we've
   got the basic program working, let's go back and add some bells and
   whistles."  No one seems to know what distinguishes a bell from a
   whistle.
%%
:bells, whistles, and gongs: n. A standard elaborated form of
   {bells and whistles}; typically said with a pronounced and ironic
   accent on the `gongs'.
%%
:benchmark: [techspeak] n. An inaccurate measure of computer
   performance.  "In the computer industry, there are three kinds of
   lies: lies, damn lies, and benchmarks."  Well-known ones include
   Whetstone, Dhrystone, Rhealstone (see {h}), the Gabriel LISP
   benchmarks (see {gabriel}), the SPECmark suite, and LINPACK.  See
   also {machoflops}, {MIPS}, {smoke and mirrors}.
%%
:Berkeley Quality Software: adj. (often abbreviated `BQS') Term used
   in a pejorative sense to refer to software that was apparently
   created by rather spaced-out hackers late at night to solve some
   unique problem.  It usually has nonexistent, incomplete, or
   incorrect documentation, has been tested on at least two examples,
   and core dumps when anyone else attempts to use it.  This term was
   frequently applied to early versions of the `dbx(1)' debugger.
   See also {Berzerkeley}.
%%
:berklix: /berk'liks/ n.,adj. [contraction of `Berkeley UNIX'] See
   {BSD}.  Not used at Berkeley itself.  May be more common among
   {suit}s attempting to sound like cognoscenti than among hackers,
   who usually just say `BSD'.
%%
:berserking: vi. A {MUD} term meaning to gain points *only*
   by killing other players and mobiles (non-player characters).
   Hence, a Berserker-Wizard is a player character that has achieved
   enough points to become a wizard, but only by killing other
   characters.  Berserking is sometimes frowned upon because of its
   inherently antisocial nature, but some MUDs have a `berserker
   mode' in which a player becomes *permanently* berserk, can
   never flee from a fight, cannot use magic, gets no score for
   treasure, but does get double kill points.  "Berserker
   wizards can seriously damage your elf!"
%%
:Berzerkeley: /b*r-zer'klee/ [from `berserk', via the name of a
   now-deceased record label] n. Humorous distortion of `Berkeley'
   used esp. to refer to the practices or products of the
   {BSD} UNIX hackers.  See {software bloat}, {Missed'em-five},
   {Berkeley Quality Software}.

   Mainstream use of this term in reference to the cultural and
   political peculiarities of UC Berkeley as a whole has been reported
   from as far back as the 1960s.
%%
:beta: /bay't*/, /be't*/ or (Commonwealth) /bee't*/ n. 1. In
   the {Real World}, software often goes through two stages of
   testing: Alpha (in-house) and Beta (out-house?).  Software is said
   to be `in beta'.  2. Anything that is new and experimental is in
   beta. "His girlfriend is in beta" means that he is still testing
   for compatibility and reserving judgment.  3. Beta software is
   notoriously buggy, so `in beta' connotes flakiness.

   Historical note: More formally, to beta-test is to test a
   pre-release (potentially unreliable) version of a piece of software
   by making it available to selected customers and users.  This term
   derives from early 1960s terminology for product cycle checkpoints,
   first used at IBM but later standard throughout the industry.
   `Alpha Test' was the unit, module, or component test phase; `Beta
   Test' was initial system test.  These themselves came from earlier
   A- and B-tests for hardware.  The A-test was a feasibility and
   manufacturability evaluation done before any commitment to design
   and development.  The B-test was a demonstration that the
   engineering model functioned as specified.  The C-test
   (corresponding to today's beta) was the B-test performed on early
   samples of the production design.
%%
TOP TEN WORRIES OF WORF (continued)

10. Someone will discover that he really CAN'T read.
9.  His secret computer disk of nude Klingon female gifs will be found.
8.  One of his superiors will actually listen to his security advice
    and it will turn out to be useless.
7.  On her next visit Lwaxana Troi will get the hots for him.
6.  The Klingon/Human treaty will break down and he will have to rejoin
    the Klingon fleet and serve with REAL warriors.
5.  Klingon opera will become the latest human musical fad.
4.  Because of his successful delivery of Keiko's baby Dr. Crusher will
    make him the ship's midwife.
3.  When he dies he will have to serve with the Pink Fleet instead of
    the Black Fleet.
2.  Riker will get the hots for a Klingon woman and ask him for
    advice on technique.
And now, the NUMBER ONE worry of Lt. Worf:
1.  Alexander will throw up on him in public.
%%
TOP 10 Songs Jean-Luc Picard will NEVER sing

10.  Dark Side of the Moon
9.  Stayin' Alive
8.  Louie Louie
7.  Over the Rainbow
6.  Theme from "Shaft"
5.  My Girl
4.  Mr. Tambourine Man
3.  anything by Elvis
2.  I'm Too Sexy
and the Nummber one song Jean-Luc Picard will never sing
1.  Rubber Biscuit

[WARNING:  Imagineing Picard singing any of the above songs may result in 

uncontrallable fits of laughter]

%%
TOP 10 SUBJECT HEADINGS YOU'LL NEVER SEE HERE
10.  Enterprise vs. Red Dwarf--Who would win?
9.  I have *NO*  theories about "Time's Arrow"
8.  TNG/Simpsons Crossovers
7.  Dr. Pulaski--what a babe!
6.  Patrick Stewart on "American Gladiators"
5.  What's the name of the Vulcan homeworld?
4.  The Bozeman crew is the most intelligent in Starfleet--ever
3.  Lynch's Spoiler review:  "Sex Trek, The Next Penetration"  (apologies Tim)
2.  Admiral Wesley Crusher
and the number one subject heading you will never see
1.  A SERIOUS Top 10 List
%%
TOP 10 REASONS PATRICK STEUART WAS VOTED MOST BODACIOUS MALE

10.  The forceful way he says "come"
9.  To annoy the hell out of Johnathan Frakes
8.  Everyone voted for him as a goof
7.  That really tight uniform
6.  Most attractive older man on television since Ricardo Montalban
5.  Wil Wheaton no longer on show
4.  A TNG fan hacked TV Guide's computer and changed the results
3.  All the "90210" fans were at the mall when the polling took place
2.  Mistaken for Right Said Fred
and the number one reason Steuart was voted most bodacious male
1.  His bald head makes him look like a giant er, uh, you know.
%%
Top 10 reasons to retire the original crew for good.

10. It's time to stop the meaningless slaughter of Tribbles for William
    Shatner's toupees.
9.  Commissary on board doesn't serve Slim Fast.
8.  Bones has finally realized, "I'm a doctor, not an actor!"
7.  Spock has joined Robert Bly's men's movement.
6.  Klingons and Romulans get a better offer to become Flygirls on
    "In Living Color."
5.  Enterprise power source discovered to be Folger's crystals.
4.  Alien babes don't kiss like they used to.
3.  Crew doesn't like plot of next movie -- "Star Trek VII: Federation
    Family Feud."
2.  We can't take much more of this, Captain!
And the No. 1 reasone to retire the crew...
1. Kirk to Enterprise: "I've beamed down and I can't get up."
%%
TOP 10 REJECTED PPLOT RESOLUTIONS FOR "TIME'S ARROW"

10.  Commander Sela appears and says this has all been a Romulain plot to
     get back at Data and Picard.  Given Sela'a track record, Data and Picard
     escape with the help of Samuel Clemons.
9.  Guinan finds out who the [bad] aliens are and suggests they try the Borg
8.  Thanks to a hidden message in a Sam Clemons essay, Kirk, Spock, et al 
    choose 1895 as the time to get whales and gather up the away team.  Then
    at Picard's insistence, are given passage on the U.S.S. Bozeman.
7.  Somehow, Montgomery Scott gets involved and beams the away team through
    time. A 900 number is set up so fans can vote for the young or old Scott
6.  Picard finds a young inventor who has made a time machine--Tim Esarrow
5.  Starfleet investigates when it realizes that the hippie movement of the
    late 1960s can be attributed to decaying positron emitter under Height-
    Ashbury
4.  Kirk, Spock, and McCoy see the Starfleet Logo in a Sam Clemons book while
    they are in 1930s New Jersey.  They use the rock thing in "City on the Edge
    or Forever" to go back to 1895 and get them.
3.  Two words:  Wesley Crusher
2.  One letter:  Q
and the numbver one reject plot resolution for Time's Arrow
1.  Picard wakes up and discovers everything since "Darmok" was only a dream
%%
 Top Ten Reasons Why They Dont Use the Restroom Part V.
***********************************************************

10. Too many people kept falling out of the shuttle bay.
 9. Data still cant figure out what that protrusion is for.
 8. The women aboard still have this feeling that Riker 
    is nearbye everytime they have to go.(See Part II).
 7. After all of that prune juice I still dont see how
    Worf can hold it all these years (See Part I).
 6. Geordi tried, but going out the window at warp speed is not
    a good idea.
 5. How do you think Guinan makes that Omnicron Beta Sunsplash drink.
 4. Lt. Barclay really does it in the holodeck.
 3. Everytime they(the red shirts) would ask Kirk, he would take them 
    down to the surface. And they would go(in their pants) before they 
    got killed by the monster.
 2. Now we know why Kirk is always tense in the dramatic scenes.
And the number 1 reason why they dont use the restroom*********
 1. Everyone is collectively saving it, to convert it into a hairpiece 
    for Picard.
%%
Top Ten new / unused plot lines for upcoming sixth season episodes of ST:TNG:

10.) Season opener: Picard and crew chase after Data now riding horseback
     through Sleepy Hollow.
 9.) Wesley visits the Enterprise from the Academy: Since his Colbert-star
     fiasco he "can't get dates".
 8.) Food replicators malfunction - the only working pattern is for "spam"
     (Incidents of cannibalism break out throughout the ship).
 7.) Alexander follows Worf around the ship with a pot, banging him on the
     head yelling, "Not the mama!  Not the mama!".
 6.) Riker put on trial for violating the Prime Directive when it is learned
     he taught the J'nai to play "strip poker". 
 5.) The Borg invade Starfleet's Central Information Net.  Data divises a
     plan to announce that a public XXX ftp site is up at borg.starfleet.hq:
     the Borg are brought to a halt in minutes.
 4.) Troi's mother visits the Enterprise.  Complains that there isn't
     a good nurse to be found.
 3.) A freak wormhole blasts Montgomery Scott to the 24th century, and
     robs Geordi's prosthetic vision.  Scotty later restores Geordi's
     vision when he realizes he put on a barette by mistake.
 2.) Alexander is made an acting ensign.
 1.) Tribbles!
%%
TOP 20 USES FOR DATA'S DETATCHED HEAD
20.  Combonation paperweight/stapler for Picard's desk
19.  The ball in Parisis' Squares
18.  Hood ornament for Shuttlecraft
17  Replace Troi's broken Chia Pet
16.  Scare blind students in Braille class
15.  Prop open doors for maintainence crews
14.  Lawn decoration in Arboreteum
13.  Footstool for Captain's chair
12.  entertaining kids in day care puppet show
11.  Scare Alexander into doing chores
10.  Send to doctor that killed Crystalline entity as gag gift
9.  Decorative air filter in picard's fish tank
8.  Send to Starfleet Android research center so they can get "ahead" in research
7.  Trade to Ferengi for Star Trek Hologram cards
6.  Two words:  tether ball
5.  Keep Worf's coffee table from shaking
4.  Centerpiece in Ten Forward buffet
3.  Donate to Starfleet Academny to be head of the class
2.  Use as nutcracker at Christmastime
and the number one use for Data's detatched head
1.  Prove to insuracne company he died so crew can collect on his life 
    insurance policy
%%
TOP 10 RECYCLED PLOT ELEMENTS IN "TIME'S ARROW"

10.  Data playing poker
9.  people being out of phase with everyone else
8.  Visitng San Fransisco in the past
7.  Using Data as equipment
6.  Picard wanting to rush out and solve a mystery
5.  Displaying Data's detatched head for dramaitc effect
4.  Picard and Guinan having one of those conversations we are all clueless
    about
3.  The Enterprise being summoned to Starfleet Academy
2.  The idea that somone in the crew is dead when they are not
and the number one recycled plot element is
1.  A two-part cliffhanger that drives you nuts all summer
%%
THE TOP TEN REASONS WORF CONTTINUALLY GETS BEAT UP:

10. Those pesky humans had *bugs* in their necks!
9.  Heavy makeup makes movement cumbersome.
8.  Only ever gets a good workout on pod-inseminating creatures.
7.  Didn't get enough sleep 'cause he was up playing poker all night.
6.  Partakes in too many bizarre Klingon rituals.
5.  You expect a big Klingon to over-power a little old android?
4.  Would rather crush an Ensign.
3.  Alexander.
2.  He didn't pump up with Hans and Frans.
1.  "A true warrior does not trifle with research ships."
%%
TOP 10 THINGS FOR AWAY TEAM TO DO IN 1895

10.  Riker--acquire hundreds of pounds of gold and bury it where his home
     will be in Alaska.
9.  Picard--stock up on French wine and caviar
8.  LaForge--disregard the prime directive and help Thomas Edison invent
    the tricorder
7.  Troi--stock up on all that terran chocolate
6.  two words:  earthquake insurance
5.  Riker--invent the condom so there won't be any Riker Juniors in the 20th
    century
4.  Data--Learn comedy from then-child comedian George Burns
3.  Convince Samuel Clemons to stay in his time
2.  Warn Guinan about Borg
and the number one thing for the away team to do in 1895
1.  Get back to their time so O'Brien can leave for Deep Space Nine
%%
TOP 10 MYSTERIES OF STAR TREK

10.  Why are Geordi's best freinds and android and a Borg?
9.  How come after 73 episodes of TOS, 6 movies and 126 episodes of TNG--
    we have yet to see a bathroom or somone using it?
8.  Whatever happened to all those planets Kirk visited where he violated
    the prime directive?
7.  Why would any TOS character want to appear in a TNG episode with the 
    title "Relics"?
6.  How come the cast of TNG sued to stop blooper reels but not "Cost of 
    Living"?
5.  Why does the Enterprise have a French Captian with an English accent?
4.  Who was Leonard Nimoy buying the 5 Shuttlecraft ornaments for anyway?
3.  How come Starfleet can make something sophisticated as the Enterprise
    yet still not get Picard's uniform to fit right?
2.  Why are the Romulains still putting up with Sela?
and the number one Mystery of Star Trek
1.  If they really do read the newsgroups, what do they think of my lists?
%%
TOP TEN REJECTED MIDDLE NAMES FOR WILLIAM T. RIKER

10.  Tibet
9.  Toburculosis
8.  Tippecanoe
7.  Tuscaloosa
6.  Tea
5.  Tasty
4. Torque
3.  Tiddlywinks
2.  Theighmaster
and the number one rejected name for William T. Riker:
1.  Tiberius
%%
TOP 10 *LEAST* USED LINES BEGINNING WITH "KLINGONS DO NOT..."

10.  Wear white socks with a business suit
9.  Serve red wine with fish
8.  Serve white wine with gach
7.  invest all their money in high-yield CDs and municipal bonds
6.  steal towels from hotels--they acquire extra drying materials
5.  drive Volvos
4.  Grade a comic-book "mint" when it is only in "very good" condition
3.  do not "do" lunch
2.  argue about existential poetry in beatnik dives over expresso at 2 AM
and the number one least used line...
1.  Klingons do NOT read silly top 10 lists! 
%%
The top ten most pointless posts to rec.arts.startrek.current


10. How can Data speak French (R.I.P.) with all those contractions?
9.  This is my personal theory on ...
8.  Worf/Picard/Data/Riker is a wuss/robot/slave/pig!
7.  Troi/Beverly is hot/not-so-hot!
6.  STTNG is not as good as ...
5.  Alexander/Lwaxana must die!
4.  I heard a rumour from my cousin who's the hairdresser of ...
3.  That episode sucked!
2.  I agree.
and *the* most pointless post of all is
1.  Here's another top ten list ...
%%
TOP 10 RESAONS FISH HEADS ARE BETTER THAN KLINGONS

10.  They smell better
9.  They use less uniform material and living space
8.  They don't have a lot of rituals that get in the way of things
7.  They are natural Tribble repellant
6.  A fish head didn't kill Kirk's son
5.  They don't have a difficult language, (or any)
4.  Borg *will not* assimilate them
3.  Romulains do not hate them
2.  They are a lot easier to film and do make-up on
and the number one reason fish heads are better than Klingons
1.  Fish heads are never seen drinking cappachino with romulains plotting to
    overthrow the Klingon Empiree ew
%%
	TOP 10 UNUSED PLOT LINES FOR THE COMING SEASON
	----------------------------------------------

10.  Q turns the entire crew into house pets.
 9.  Wesley returns from the Academy just in time to save the Enterprise
     from certain destruction.  Deanna throttles him because it was HER
     turn to save the show.
 8.  TV producer thinks Riker's goofy looks and cheesy pick-up lines
     are hilarious.  Offers him his own late night talk show.
 7.  Geordi gets a date.
 6.  Deanna grows another head!  Psychobabble now twice as annoying.
 5.  Enterprise purchased by short, Texas billionaire.  NCC-1701-D
     is renamed "The Perotmobile."
 4.  Data joins a travelling Chippendales club as the "anemic stripper
     from Eroticus IV."
 3.  Beverly develops a virus which regenerates human hair.  Picard
     becomes a spokesman for Hair Club for Men.
 2.  Guinan reveals that she's really Dr. Ruth.
 1.  Lwaxana and Alexander hijack the saucer section.  Spend rest of
     show swooping the drive section and terrorizing Barkley.  
%%
TOP 10 SIGNS THE ENTERPRISE HAS PICKED UP A BAD EMBASSADOR

10.  Beams aboard with a bunch of crates saying "don't worry about food, I 
     brought my own"
9.  Casually asks for a lot of technical information and if by any chance
    they are going near the Neutral Zone
8.  They become attracted to Troi
7.  Keeps playing "pull my finger" with Data
6.  Complains to Dr. Crusher about the poor quality of replicated blood
5.  Spends a lot of time in the holodeck with Barclay's programs
4.  Someone accidentally bumps into him and half the crew mysteriously
    slips into a coma
3.  Asks Alexander if he's ever watched Gladiator movies
2.  Inquires about Federation laws regarding paternity suits
and the number one sign the Enterprise picked up a Bad embassador
1.  When they zoom in the embassador for more than 3 seconds in the opening
%%
Top Ten Reasons Captain Picard is Voting for Bush
-------------------------------------------------
10. Clinton has too much hair.
 9. Barbara reminds him of his dear Maman.
 8. Loves a good mystery -- like searching for Bush's economic plan.
 7. Would also rather discuss war in Bosnia than fight.
 6. Both have goofy second-in-commands.
 5. Pro-life.  Having unwanted children on the Enterprise makes a
    good plot device.
 4. Enterprise obviously a product of high military spending.
 3. Picard is a Texas Rangers fan.
 2. Who needs an environmental policy when you have a holodeck?
 1. Spelling of potato changed in early 24th century.  Quayle was
    a genius ahead of his time!
%%
Top Ten Reasons Riker's for Clinton
-----------------------------------

10. Heck, Clinton gets the girls.
 9. Pro-choice.  Wishes Wesley was aborted.
 8. Wouldn't mind "doing" Hillary.
 7. Likes name "slick Willie."  (Unfortunately, several of the female
    crew members have been referring to Riker as "quick Willie" if ya know 
    what I mean.)
 6. Doesn't much like his father either.
 5. Riker never went to Vietnam.
 4. Thinks of himself as part of "cultural elite."
 3. Troi likes Clinton -- 'nuff said.
 2. Riker identifies with Democratic Jackass.
 1. Both Riker and Clinton can't play music worth a damn.
%%
Top Ten Reasons No One is Voting for Perot
------------------------------------------

5. There's already one Frenchman in charge.
4. Riker will never shave his beard off.
3. Barclay swears that Perot's got "Transporter anxiety."
2. Data says "Perot?  Ah -- demagogue, athoritarian, little Napoleon, ..."
1. Klingons do NOT vote for third party candidates!!!
%%
Top Ten Pranks at Q University
------------------------------

10. Melting Professors!
 9. Getting the answers to the final exam *before* the test is even written!
 8. Changing the gravitational constant of the universe during
    football games.
 7. Rewriting history during lecture, confusing the professor to no end.
 6. Disassembling universes and rebuilding them in friends' dorm rooms.
 5. Creating partial vacuums in people's underwear.
 4. Going to the prom *as* your date.
 3. "Inside-Out Day" -- not your clothes, your body!
 2. Interdimensional panty raids.
 1. Replacing the fine coffee they usually serve with dilithium crystals!
%%
TOP 10 STAR TREK RIPOFFS OF KNIGHT RIDER
========================================
10.  A "sweeping" red light bar is installed on the front of the Enterprise.
9.  Geordi installs Turbo Boost on the warp engines.
8.  The Enterprise docks insode a starbase that looks like a large black semi.
7.  Picard starts wearing a black leather jacket and talks to the computer
    through his watch.
6.  The ensign of the week has a horrible accident and requires plastic
	surgery.  Dr. Crusher performs the operation, and recreates his face to
	that of Wesley's.
5.  Another Galaxy class starship with a mind of it's own tries to kill off 
	the Enterprise, but fails.  Twice.
4.It is revealed that the Enterprise doesn't need shields because of it's 
	gamma welded shell.
3.  Geordi has fantasies about Bonnie on the holodeck.
2.  We see a lot of buttons on Worf's panel that are never used, but still 
	look neat.
AND THE NUMBER 1 STAR TREK RIPOFF OF KNIGHT RIDER:
1.  The Enterprise is painted black and gets a set of T-tops.
%%
TOP 10  THINGS OVERHEARD AT A TNG WRITER'S MEETING

10.  "Playmates says they want another race of aliens for the toy line--
      make one up"
9.  "One more reference to Kei & Yuri and I'm going to hurl"
8.  "Lets spin the wheel of plots..."
7.  "So what if it contradicts something said in the first season--nobody is 
     going to notice"
6.  "I don't care if the astrophysicist says we are wrong, who is writing 
     this show anyway?"
5.  "Want to call Nichelle Nichols and see if she wants to appear?"
4.  "Hey, think any of those fan scripts in the warehouse are any good?"
3.  "Oy, another contest winner, give them a line or two like normal"
2.   "It's a tender love story about Barclay falling for a shy Betazed 
      Medical officer, so what can we have threaten the Enterprise?"
and the number one thing overheard at at TNG writer's meeting
1.  "Well they never said we *couldn't* use a transporter for that"
%%
TOP 10 NEW STAR TREK TOYS FOR CHRISTMAS

10.  "Borg Adapter Kit"  Longing for Locutus?  This handy little kit will 
      allow you to assimilate any of your action figures
9.   "Play-Doh Food Replicator and Cloning Facility"
8.   "Borg Ship"  with assimilation area and places to put disassembled parts
     of your other toy ships.  Spend hours of fun threatening the galaxy
7.  "My First Tricorder"
6.  "Holodeck play set"  You two can recreate all those great holodeck
    program backgrounds and costumes (sold separately).  Comes with 
    Lieutenant Barclay action figure.  (Some programs may not be available to   
    minors)
5.  "Screwed-up timeline Series"  Yep, all your favorite time travel episodes"
       A.  U.S.S. Bozeman play set (with Captain Bates action figure)
       B.  Enterprise-C play set (with Captian Garret action figure)
       C.  Unification Play set (with Sela and Pardek action figures)
       D.  Time's arrow Play set (complete with Data's head, two pocket 
           watches, the snake cane, and Mark Twain action figure)
       E.  U.S.S. Jenolan play set (With Mr Scott action figure)
4.  "Deanna Troi Chocolate Factory"
3.  "Kill Wesly Play Set"  Now you can finally do all those things to 
    Wesley Crusher you wanted to see on TV!  Comes with "Crash Test Dummy"
    Action figure of Wesley Crusher (Crash test Alexander sold separately)
2.  "Shuttlecraft Bay of Doom Play Set"  With falling barrels, crates of 
    leaking/unstable explosives, defective airlock, plasma fire, and an
    unstable gateway to another world.
and the number one Star Trek Toy this Crhistmas:
1.  A fully functional Phaser
%%
Top Ten Changes If Worf Were Jewish
-----------------------------------

10. Mother's constant reminders that "you could shoot your eyes out
    with one of those things" explain why Worf is a lousy shot.
 9. Knows he could be second-in-command instead of that WASP Riker if
    Star Fleet didn't have secret quota system.
 8. Worf's appearance demonstrates stereotype of Jews having large
    foreheads and bumpy "horns" on heads.
 7. Only Klingon that won't eat Gach because live worm-like things aren't
    kosher.
 6. Worf's full name is "Worf Ben-Mogg."
 5. Worf wasn't in the first few episodes of this season as they
    coincided with the High Holidays.
 4. Worf lives by his personal credo -- "I am a honorable Klingon
    warrior who just happens to identify with Woody Allen's characters!"
 3. And you thought Deanna's mother was overbearing!
 2. "Ethics" episode would have contained the lines: "Fine, don't kill
    me.  I'll just lie here and suffer.  Oy!  I'm suffering!  Am I
    suffering enough for you yet?  I'm in pain.  Are you satisfied? (etc.)"
 1. What kind of name is "Alexander" for a nice Jewish boy?
%%
Description: The Top 10 Advantages of Riker's Beard

10.  Definitive removal of resemblance to James T. Kirk (except
     perhaps in the paunch)
 9.  Useful for hiding double chin which normally accompanies
     paunch
 8.  Proof positive that he has more hair than Picard
 7.  Great for catching leftover qagh (Klingon live spaghetti
     worms) and saving for later snack
 6.  Bristly feel of beard helps repel Lwuxana Troi
 5.  Easier to blend into Klingon environment when need arises
 4.  If he didn't have one he'd have to play strip poker with Dr.
     Crusher, which would expose paunch
 3.  Hides glass chin which kept getting punched out during the
     first season
 2.  Saves money on shaving cream
And the number 1 advantage of Riker's beard:
 1.  It keeps the directors so distracted, they don't muck about
     with his lines
%%
TOP 10 THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH MONTGOMERY SCOTT'S HEAD

10.  "I save them and all I get is a shuttlecarft?  I should've asked
      for the engineering section"
9.  "If we are at peace with the Klingons we must be at peace with the
     Romulains too, I think I'll go visit Mr. Spock..."
8.  "Here's a good one 'Wanted:  Federation Scrapyard Manager, must be smart
     enough to keep track of several scrapped ships'"
7.  "These Pakleds are pretty nice, I wonder why Mr. LaForge warned be about 
     them"
6.  "Lets see if Reisa is any better than Argelius for getting laid"
5.  "I wonder if I'm elegible for 75 years worth of retirement payments"
4.   "Here's another one: 'Wanted:  Chief Engineer for Soyuz-Class 
      starship...'"
3.   "Now was that a left at Starbase 23 or a right?"
2.  "Hmmmm, I wonder if that big cubical ship needs an engineer"
and the number one thought going through Montomery Scott's head:
1.  "I *knew* I should've gone before I left the Enterprise"
%%
TOP 10 EDITED LINES FROM 'CHAIN OF COMMAND'

10.  Riker:  "So Admiral, any more surprises?"
     Vice Admiral:  "Along with Jelico, we are replacing Dr. Crusher with
                     Dr. Kate Pulaski"
     (outside shot of Enterprise and Riker screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH")
9.  Jelico: "If we use my plans and the crew supports me, we can make this 
             the most efficient starship in the Federation"
    Riker:  "My God, its H. Ross Perot"
8.  LaForge:  "But Captain Jelico, that would mean cutting power to the 
               astrophysics stations, sceince labs, and classrooms"
    Jelico:   "Will it shut down any essential systems?"
    LaForge:  "Ten Forward and the Holodecks will be unaffected"
    Jelico:   "So whats the problem?  Do it"
7.  Riker:  "Sir, We have some problems converting to 4 workshifts"
    Jelico:  "Ask me if I care"
    Riker:  "Captian Jelico, do you care?"
    Jelico:  "Hell no.  Now get me 4 shifts"
6.  Jelico:  "Damn Troi, your butt's the size of a shuttlecraft!  Get a
              real Starfleet uniform on"
5.  Ferengi:  "Oh!  You give good ear human!"
4.  Worf:  "I can't beleive this"
    Picard:  "That the Cardassians have hidden a base here?"
    Worf:  "No, that an old man, a woman and a Klingon can wander around
            these caves talking in normal tones and not get caught"
3.  Picard:  "Beverly, are you alright?"
    Crusher:  "I just had a bunch of rocks fall on me, what do you think?"
    Worf:  "That you really got stoned?"
2.  Cardassian:  (Into a com panel) "Send the forllowing message to Commander
                 Sela of the Romulain Empire:  'Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!  I got
                 Picard--you owe me twenty bucks'"
And the number one sequence cut from "Chain of Command"
1.  Borg:  "I am Hugh, of Borg.  Release Locutus or you will be destroyed"
%%
:BFI: /B-F-I/ n. See {brute force and ignorance}.  Also
   encountered in the variants `BFMI', `brute force and
   *massive* ignorance' and `BFBI' `brute force and bloody
   ignorance'.
%%
:bible: n. 1. One of a small number of fundamental source books
   such as {Knuth} and {K&R}.  2. The most detailed and
   authoritative reference for a particular language, operating
   system, or other complex software system.
%%
:BiCapitalization: n. The act said to have been performed on
   trademarks (such as {PostScript}, NeXT, {NeWS}, VisiCalc,
   FrameMaker, TK!solver, EasyWriter) that have been raised above the
   ruck of common coinage by nonstandard capitalization.  Too many
   {marketroid} types think this sort of thing is really cute, even
   the 2,317th time they do it.  Compare {studlycaps}.
%%
:BIFF: /bif/ [USENET] n. The most famous {pseudo}, and the
   prototypical {newbie}.  Articles from BIFF are characterized by
   all uppercase letters sprinkled liberally with bangs, typos,
   `cute' misspellings (EVRY BUDY LUVS GOOD OLD BIFF CUZ HE"S A
   K00L DOOD AN HE RITES REEL AWESUM THINGZ IN CAPITULL LETTRS LIKE
   THIS!!!), use (and often misuse) of fragments of {talk mode}
   abbreviations, a long {sig block} (sometimes even a {doubled
   sig}), and unbounded na"ivet'e.  BIFF posts articles using his
   elder brother's VIC-20.  BIFF's location is a mystery, as his
   articles appear to come from a variety of sites.  However,
   {BITNET} seems to be the most frequent origin.  The theory that
   BIFF is a denizen of BITNET is supported by BIFF's (unfortunately
   invalid) electronic mail address: BIFF@BIT.NET.
%%
:biff: /bif/ vt. To notify someone of incoming mail.  From the
   BSD utility `biff(1)', which was in turn named after a
   friendly golden Labrador who used to chase frisbees in the halls at
   UCB while 4.2BSD was in development (it had a well-known habit of
   barking whenever the mailman came).  No relation to
   {BIFF}.
%%
:Big Gray Wall: n. What faces a {VMS} user searching for
   documentation.  A full VMS kit comes on a pallet, the documentation
   taking up around 15 feet of shelf space before the addition of
   layered products such as compilers, databases, multivendor
   networking, and programming tools.  Recent (since VMS version 5)
   DEC documentation comes with gray binders; under VMS version 4 the
   binders were orange (`big orange wall'), and under version 3 they
   were blue.  See {VMS}.  Often contracted to `Gray Wall'.
%%
:big iron: n. Large, expensive, ultra-fast computers.  Used generally
   of {number-crunching} supercomputers such as Crays, but can include
   more conventional big commercial IBMish mainframes.  Term of
   approval; compare {heavy metal}, oppose {dinosaur}.
%%
:Big Red Switch: [IBM] n. The power switch on a computer, esp. the
   `Emergency Pull' switch on an IBM {mainframe} or the power switch
   on an IBM PC where it really is large and red.  "This !@%$%
   {bitty box} is hung again; time to hit the Big Red Switch."
   Sources at IBM report that, in tune with the company's passion for
   {TLA}s, this is often abbreviated as `BRS' (this has also
   become established on FidoNet and in the PC {clone} world).  It
   is alleged that the emergency pull switch on an IBM 360/91 actually
   fired a non-conducting bolt into the main power feed; the BRSes on
   more recent machines physically drop a block into place so that
   they can't be pushed back in.  People get fired for pulling them,
   especially inappropriately (see also {molly-guard}).  Compare
   {power cycle}, {three-finger salute}, {120 reset}; see
   also {scram switch}.
%%
:Big Room, the: n. The extremely large room with the blue ceiling
   and intensely bright light (during the day) or black ceiling with
   lots of tiny night-lights (during the night) found outside all
   computer installations.  "He can't come to the phone right now,
   he's somewhere out in the Big Room."
%%
:big win: n. Serendipity.  "Yes, those two physicists discovered
   high-temperature superconductivity in a batch of ceramic that had
   been prepared incorrectly according to their experimental schedule.
   Small mistake; big win!" See {win big}.
%%
:big-endian: [From Swift's `Gulliver's Travels' via the famous
   paper `On Holy Wars and a Plea for Peace' by Danny Cohen,
   USC/ISI IEN 137, dated April 1, 1980] adj. 1. Describes a computer
   architecture in which, within a given multi-byte numeric
   representation, the most significant byte has the lowest address
   (the word is stored `big-end-first').  Most processors,
   including the IBM 370 family, the {PDP-10}, the Motorola
   microprocessor families, and most of the various RISC designs
   current in mid-1991, are big-endian.  See {little-endian},
   {middle-endian}, {NUXI problem}.  2. An {{Internet address}}
   the wrong way round.  Most of the world follows the Internet
   standard and writes email addresses starting with the name of the
   computer and ending up with the name of the country.  In the U.K.
   the Joint Networking Team had decided to do it the other way round
   before the Internet domain standard was established; e.g.,
   me@uk.ac.wigan.cs.  Most gateway sites have {ad-hockery} in
   their mailers to handle this, but can still be confused.  In
   particular, the address above could be in the U.K. (domain uk)
   or Czechoslovakia (domain cs).
%%
:bignum: /big'nuhm/ [orig. from MIT MacLISP] n. 1. [techspeak] A
   multiple-precision computer representation for very large integers.
   More generally, any very large number.  "Have you ever looked at
   the United States Budget?  There's bignums for you!"
   2. [Stanford] In backgammon, large numbers on the dice are called
   `bignums', especially a roll of double fives or double sixes
   (compare {moby}, sense 4).  See also {El Camino Bignum}.
%%
:bigot: n. A person who is religiously attached to a particular
   computer, language, operating system, editor, or other tool (see
   {religious issues}).  Usually found with a specifier; thus,
   `cray bigot', `ITS bigot', `APL bigot', `VMS bigot',
   `Berkeley bigot'.  True bigots can be distinguished from mere
   partisans or zealots by the fact that they refuse to learn
   alternatives even when the march of time and/or technology is
   threatening to obsolete the favored tool.  It is said "You can
   tell a bigot, but you can't tell him much."  Compare
   {weenie}.
%%
:bit: [from the mainstream meaning and `Binary digIT'] n.
   1. [techspeak] The unit of information; the amount of information
   obtained by asking a yes-or-no question for which the two outcomes
   are equally probable.  2. [techspeak] A computational quantity that
   can take on one of two values, such as true and false or 0 and 1.
   3. A mental flag: a reminder that something should be done
   eventually.  "I have a bit set for you."  (I haven't seen you for
   a while, and I'm supposed to tell or ask you something.)  4. More
   generally, a (possibly incorrect) mental state of belief.  "I have
   a bit set that says that you were the last guy to hack on EMACS."
   (Meaning "I think you were the last guy to hack on EMACS, and what
   I am about to say is predicated on this, so please stop me if this
   isn't true.")

   "I just need one bit from you" is a polite way of indicating that
   you intend only a short interruption for a question that can
   presumably be answered yes or no.

   A bit is said to be `set' if its value is true or 1, and
   `reset' or `clear' if its value is false or 0.  One speaks of
   setting and clearing bits.  To {toggle} or `invert' a bit is
   to change it, either from 0 to 1 or from 1 to 0.  See also
   {flag}, {trit}, {mode bit}.

   The term `bit' first appeared in print in the computer-science
   sense in 1949, and seems to have been coined by early computer
   scientist John Tukey.  Tukey records that it evolved over a lunch
   table as a handier alternative to `bigit' or `binit'.
%%
YODA in a pub: Ahhh, pissed am I.
%%
I went into boxing. My girlfriend, Cecilia persuaded me to do
it. She's always pushing me into things. Like canals.

   - Paul Foot
%%
Relax,
Don't do it,
When you wanna come.

Come!

Hwwwuuuaahhh!!!!!

   - "Relax" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
%%
If they knocked down this place,
This place,
It'd still look much better than you...

   - "Bar Italia" by Pulp
%%
Then Blabbermouth came down from the sky,
Said two words and you're wonderin' why.
Hope for improvement later on,
Blinked - and he was gone.

   - "How do I Understand My Motorman"
      by Julian Cope
%%
Ten years passed and they're still together,
Trapped inside their hideaway.
Babe hasn't grown, she'll be small forever,
Funny little thing that's how she'll stay.

   - "Babe" by Tiger
%%
Auntie Classie and Uncle Dafydd,
May I say the way you differ,
What delightful china cups,
When I expected the newly-born pups.

   - "Heywood Lane" by Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
%%
Four walls between me and Tranquility,
Four walls between me and eternity,
I was standing on the moors
...
The mother's Jam and she came round to me,
And she fucked me,
Royally,
Like an amphetamine patissery...

   - "If I Could Do It All Over Again,
      I'd Do It All Over You" by Julian Cope
%%
;; This guy was seriously **SCREWED UP** and **DOPED OUT** when he wrote
;; this particular tune-ette.
%%
She says that there is no sin before my eyes,
I tell her that there is no sin at all,
All is love and a perversion of that which was once love.

   - "I Come From Another Planet, Baby" by Julian Cope
%%
The trouble with your brother,
He's always sleeping with your mother,
And I know that your sister,
missed her time again this month.

   - "Razzmatazz" by Pulp
%%
My miniature kingdoms,
My King-Sized Edens

   - "Miniature Kingdoms" by Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
%%
Well isn't it a lovely day,
Oh my patio's on fire
We-hell isn't it a lovely dayyy...
Oh no, words are wisdoms from liars.
And if you really want to kiss her,
Just go right up and tell her.
We-hell isn't it a lovely day,
For....

   - "Patio Song" by Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
%%
But what is all this liquid, oh, inside my brain,
Swooping around like indoor rain?

   - "Dark Night" by Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
%%
Down in the village, young girl burning bright...

   - "Dark Night" by Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
%%
I don't have to sell my soullll,
'Cos he's already in me.

   - "I Wanna Be Adored" by Stone Roses
%%
I dderbyn gwybodaeth am recordiau, teithiau a newyddion
Gorky's Zygotic Mynci cwbwlhewch a dychwelech y cardyn
               (nid oes angen stamp)
%%
:bit bang: n. Transmission of data on a serial line, when
   accomplished by rapidly tweaking a single output bit at the
   appropriate times.  The technique is a simple
   loop with eight OUT and SHIFT instruction pairs for each byte.
   Input is more interesting.  And full duplex (doing input and output
   at the same time) is one way to separate the real hackers from the
   {wannabee}s.

   Bit bang was used on certain early models of Prime computers,
   presumably when UARTs were too expensive, and on archaic Z80 micros
   with a Zilog PIO but no SIO.  In an interesting instance of the
   {cycle of reincarnation}, this technique is now (1991) coming
   back into use on some RISC architectures because it consumes such
   an infinitesimal part of the processor that it actually makes sense
   not to have a UART.
%%
:bit bashing: n. (alt. `bit diddling' or {bit twiddling}) Term
   used to describe any of several kinds of low-level programming
   characterized by manipulation of {bit}, {flag}, {nybble},
   and other smaller-than-character-sized pieces of data; these
   include low-level device control, encryption algorithms, checksum
   and error-correcting codes, hash functions, some flavors of
   graphics programming (see {bitblt}), and assembler/compiler code
   generation.  May connote either tedium or a real technical
   challenge (more usually the former).  "The command decoding for
   the new tape driver looks pretty solid but the bit-bashing for the
   control registers still has bugs."  See also {bit bang},
   {mode bit}.
%%
:bit bucket: n. 1. The universal data sink (originally, the
   mythical receptacle used to catch bits when they fall off the end
   of a register during a shift instruction).  Discarded, lost, or
   destroyed data is said to have `gone to the bit bucket'.  On
   {{UNIX}}, often used for {/dev/null}.  Sometimes amplified as
   `the Great Bit Bucket in the Sky'.  2. The place where all lost
   mail and news messages eventually go.  The selection is performed
   according to {Finagle's Law}; important mail is much more likely
   to end up in the bit bucket than junk mail, which has an almost
   100% probability of getting delivered.  Routing to the bit bucket
   is automatically performed by mail-transfer agents, news systems,
   and the lower layers of the network.  3. The ideal location for all
   unwanted mail responses: "Flames about this article to the bit
   bucket."  Such a request is guaranteed to overflow one's mailbox
   with flames.  4. Excuse for all mail that has not been sent.  "I
   mailed you those figures last week; they must have ended in the bit
   bucket."  Compare {black hole}.

   This term is used purely in jest.  It is based on the fanciful
   notion that bits are objects that are not destroyed but only
   misplaced.  This appears to have been a mutation of an earlier term
   `bit box', about which the same legend was current; old-time
   hackers also report that trainees used to be told that when the CPU
   stored bits into memory it was actually pulling them `out of the
   bit box'.  See also {chad box}.

   Another variant of this legend has it that, as a consequence of the
   `parity preservation law', the number of 1 bits that go to the bit
   bucket must equal the number of 0 bits.  Any imbalance results in
   bits filling up the bit bucket.  A qualified computer technician
   can empty a full bit bucket as part of scheduled maintenance.
%%
:bit decay: n. See {bit rot}.  People with a physics background
   tend to prefer this one for the analogy with particle decay.  See
   also {computron}, {quantum bogodynamics}.
%%
:bit rot: n. Also {bit decay}.  Hypothetical disease the existence
   of which has been deduced from the observation that unused programs
   or features will often stop working after sufficient time has
   passed, even if `nothing has changed'.  The theory explains that
   bits decay as if they were radioactive.  As time passes, the
   contents of a file or the code in a program will become
   increasingly garbled.

   There actually are physical processes that produce such effects
   (alpha particles generated by trace radionuclides in ceramic chip
   packages, for example, can change the contents of a computer memory
   unpredictably, and various kinds of subtle media failures can
   corrupt files in mass storage), but they are quite rare (and
   computers are built with error-detecting circuitry to compensate
   for them).  The notion long favored among hackers that cosmic
   rays are among the causes of such events turns out to be a myth;
   see the {cosmic rays} entry for details.

   The term {software rot} is almost synonymous.  Software rot is
   the effect, bit rot the notional cause.
%%
:bit twiddling: n. 1. (pejorative) An exercise in tuning (see
   {tune}) in which incredible amounts of time and effort go to
   produce little noticeable improvement, often with the result that
   the code has become incomprehensible.  2. Aimless small
   modification to a program, esp. for some pointless goal.
   3. Approx. syn. for {bit bashing}; esp. used for the act of
   frobbing the device control register of a peripheral in an attempt
   to get it back to a known state.
%%
:bitblt: /bit'blit/ n. [from {BLT}, q.v.] 1. Any of a family
   of closely related algorithms for moving and copying rectangles of
   bits between main and display memory on a bit-mapped device, or
   between two areas of either main or display memory (the requirement
   to do the {Right Thing} in the case of overlapping source and
   destination rectangles is what makes BitBlt tricky).  2. Synonym
   for {blit} or {BLT}.  Both uses are borderline techspeak.
%%
:BITNET: /bit'net/ [acronym: Because It's Time NETwork] n.
   Everybody's least favorite piece of the network (see {network,
   the}).  The BITNET hosts are a collection of IBM dinosaurs and
   VAXen (the latter with lobotomized comm hardware) that communicate
   using 80-character {{EBCDIC}} card images (see {eighty-column
   mind}); thus, they tend to mangle the headers and text of
   third-party traffic from the rest of the ASCII/RFC-822 world with
   annoying regularity.  BITNET is also notorious as the apparent home
   of {BIFF}.
%%
:bits: n.pl. 1. Information.  Examples: "I need some bits about file
   formats."  ("I need to know about file formats.")  Compare {core
   dump}, sense 4.  2. Machine-readable representation of a document,
   specifically as contrasted with paper:  "I have only a photocopy
   of the Jargon File; does anyone know where I can get the bits?".
   See {softcopy}, {source of all good bits} See also {bit}.
%%
:bitty box: /bit'ee boks/ n. 1. A computer sufficiently small,
   primitive, or incapable as to cause a hacker acute claustrophobia
   at the thought of developing software on or for it.  Especially
   used of small, obsolescent, single-tasking-only personal machines
   such as the Atari 800, Osborne, Sinclair, VIC-20, TRS-80, or
   IBM PC.  2. [Pejorative] More generally, the opposite of `real
   computer' (see {Get a real computer!}).  See also {mess-dos},
   {toaster}, and {toy}.
%%
:bixie: /bik'see/ n. Variant {emoticon}s used on BIX (the Byte
   Information eXchange).  The {smiley} bixie is <@_@>, apparently
   intending to represent two cartoon eyes and a mouth.  A few others
   have been reported.
%%
Q.How do you know if you've walked into a lesbian bar?
A.Even the  pool table hasn't got balls.
%%
Q: What would it take to get the Beatles back together ?
A: 3 bullets
%%
Q] What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A] A flat minor!!
%%
Q: What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole?
A: Paul Keating's necktie.......
%%
Q. Why do Irish Dogs have flat noses?
A. Because they chase parked cars.
%%
Q: How many books can you put on an empty shelf?
A: One. After that it isn't empty.
%%
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross again?
A: He wanted to be a dirty double crosser
%%
What do you throw to a drowning boatie?
An Anchor.
%%
Did you hear what happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
He got pissed off.
%%
What's so great about being a test tube baby?
You have a womb with a view.
%%
What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
%%
What do the Mafia and going down on a woman have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and your in shit.
%%
Did you hear about the latest Irish attempt at Mt Everest ?
They ran out of scaffolding....
%%
What's the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your lovers ass with a feather, perverted is when you 
use the whole chicken.
%%
Did you hear about the deaf mute?
Neither did he.
%%
What happened to the butcher when he backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his orders.
%%
What do promiscious angels get?
Harpies.
%%
Why are the starship Enterprise and Toilet paper similar?
They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.
%%
    Two doctors were putting on the ninth green
    when one collapsed from a heart attack. "Help
    me," he groaned to his companion.
      "Sorry, my malpractice insurance won't cover
    it," his partner replied, walking off the green,
    "but I'll get help."
      A few minutes later, he returned, picked up his
    club and began lining up hit putt. The man on
    the ground raised his head and screamed in
    Disbelief, "I'm dying and you're putting?"
      "Don't worry. I found a doctor on the second
    hole who said he'd come and help."
      "The second hole? When the hell is he coming?"
      "Hey, I told you not to worry," he said, stroking
    his put. "They're going to let him play through."
%%
    Why did the Siamese twins got to England?
    So the other one could drive for a while.
%%
    After a brief absence, a nurse returned to her
    station and was quickly pulled aside by one of
    her colleagues. "Shirley, your breast is out of your
    uniform!"
      "Oh, shit," the rumpled nurse replied,
    glancing down. "Don't those damn doctors ever put
    anything away?"
%%
    One day in Russia, Rudy, a Communist Party member, was
    discussing the upcoming stormy weather with his
    wife,Helga. Rudy said it looked like a huge rainstorm was
    coming,but Helga said it was surely snow! Rain, said Rudy
    insistently!Snow, said Helga,stubbornly! This went on for
    quite some time,until the exasperated husband finally said:
    Rudolph the Red, knows rain,dear!!!!!!!
%%
A teacher was testing her class's ability to taste by giving them life-
savers. First, she gave them all red ones and their hands went up, "Cherry!"
"Very good," said the teacher. Next she gave them a white one and they 
thought about it and finally one kid said, "Peppermint?" "Excellent," said
the teacher. Finally she gave them honey-flavored brown ones. They tasted 
the lifesaver, but could not name the flavor. "I'll give you a clue, it's
something that your mommy calls your daddy." Suddenly Dirty Ernie shouted,
"Quick, spit them out! They're assholes!"
%%
Once upon a time, a woman complained to her doctor that she and her husband
never had sex anymore. So the doctor gave her a bottle of pills and told her
to put them in his drink and she would be 'satisfied.' The woman, somewhat 
disbelievingly, put one pill in his coffee that evening. That night they made
out ... The next morning, she put two in his coffee, and that night they 
really got it on ... The next day, she said 'what the hell,' and put the
entire bottle in ... A few days later, the doctor called to check on her 
progress. The woman's son answered the phone. When the doctor asked how she
was doing, the son replied, "Mom's dead; sis is pregnant; my asshole hurts, 
and Dad is out naked on the front lawn yelling 'Here kitty, kitty.'"
%%
One day, a teacher was testing the students' intelligence. "Okay class, I 
have something behind my back which is rectangular, small and black. What 
is it," she asked. "A chalkboard eraser," the class responded. "Yes, very 
good. That shows you're thinking. Now, I've got something else behind my back
which is larger than the eraser, rectangular, and made of paper." "A book," 
said one small boy. "Very good Johnny, that shows you're thinking." Then 
Dirty Ernie jumped to his feet, stuck his hand in his pocket and said, "I've
got something in my hand which is long, stiff, and has a bright pink tip!" 
"Ernie! You dirty little boy," shrieked the teacher. Said Ernie: "Naw, 
it's just my pencil, but it shows you're thinking!"
%%
:black art: n. A collection of arcane, unpublished, and (by
   implication) mostly ad-hoc techniques developed for a particular
   application or systems area (compare {black magic}).  VLSI design
   and compiler code optimization were (in their beginnings)
   considered classic examples of black art; as theory developed they
   became {deep magic}, and once standard textbooks had been written,
   became merely {heavy wizardry}.  The huge proliferation of formal
   and informal channels for spreading around new computer-related
   technologies during the last twenty years has made both the term
   `black art' and what it describes less common than formerly.  See
   also {voodoo programming}.
%%
The jest loses its point when he who makes it is the first to laugh.
%%
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
%%
The kids who don't believe in Santa Claus are the ones who grow up and play the horses.
%%
The Liberal Party is the cream of society:
thick and rich and full of clots.
%%
The long weekend was created because it's impossible to cram all the bad
weather into two days.
%%
The longest day soon comes to an end.
%%
The postman bringeth and the garbo taketh away.
%%
The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are
children more awful than your own.
%%
The man who lives in the past, robs the present.
%%
The money saved for a rainy day now buys a smaller umbrella.
%%
The most difficult thing is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone
else doing it wrong, without commenting.
%%
The most gratifying feature about death is that you won't have to get up in the morning.
%%
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people they
think it's their fault.
 Henry Kissinger
%%
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.
%%
The only good government is a bad one in a hell of a fright.
%%
The only job where you start at the top is digging a hole.
%%
The only people who never fail are those who never try.
%%
The only thing I ever learned from experience was that I'd just made another mistake.
%%
The only thing most people do better than anyone else is read their own handwriting.
%%
The only thing wrong with doing nothing
is you never know when you're finished.
%%
The only way to make something completely foolproof is to keep it away from fools.
%%
Put all your eggs in one basket, after making sure that
you've built a really *good* basket.
%%
ATTENTION
This room is fullfilled mit special electronische equippment.
Fingergrabbing and pressing the cnoeppkes from the computers is
allowed for die experts only!  So all the "lefthanders" stay
away and do not disturben the brainstorming von here working
intelligencies.  Otherwise you will be thrown out and kicked
anderswhere!  Also: please keep still and only watchen astaunished
the blinkenlights.
%%
This cookie has no hidden meaning
%%
"This cookie sucks" - "Shut up Beavis!  It gets cool in a minute"
%%
Q: How many assholes does it take to change a lighbulb?
A: None; assholes never see the light anyway.
%%
Keyboard missing - press F3 to continue
-- Message seen on an Apricot PC
%%
I saw Elvis.  He sat between Bigfoot and me in the UFO
%%
I.B.M. : Inferior But Marketable
%%
Computers do what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do.
%%
Never test for an error condition you don't know to handle
%%
Don't beam me up yet Scotty... I'm having a Sh..i...i....i
%%
Time is like money... You never have enough
%%
Windows would even crash the Borg!
%%
A bad random number generator:  1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
%%
Don't do this at home - do it at someone else's!
%%
The real answer is always hidden.
%%
I really don't think that these cookies are random.
%%
Don't you wish this would be *your* quote?
%%
9 out of 10 cats prefer hamsters
%%
Isn't this a Commodore machine?  No, it's an Amiga!
%%
Please do not disturb - I'm disturbed enough already
%%
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
 - Fred Brooks
%%
When in doubt, use brute force.
 - Ken Thompson
%%
MS-DOS 2.0 used \ as a path separator to be bug-compatible
with some cretin's choice of / as an option character in 1.0.
%%
Mess-DOS - Just say No!
%%
Do androids dream of electric sheep?
%%
Stop whatever you are doing!
%%
I WANT A COOKIE!
%%
NAME
    ColdReboot
FUNCTION
    Reboot the machine.  (..)
    This function never returns.
INPUT
    A chaotic pile of disoriented bits.
RESULTS
    An altogether totally integrated living system.

-- RKRM Libraries & Autodocs
%%
You have to forget about what other people say, when you're
supposed to die, or when you're supposed to be loving.  You
have to forget about all these things.  You have to go on
and be crazy.  Craziness is like heaven.
 - Jimi Hendrix
%%
The story
of life is quicker
than the wink of an eye
The story of love
is hello and goodbye
Until we meet again
 - Jimi Hendrix",
%%
Today I had a conversation with a lady.

Lady:   "What do you do?"
Me:     "I'm a UNIX programmer."
Lady:   "Really?  I can program, too."
Me:     "What kind of computer?"
Lady:   "Macintosh"
Me:     "What language?"
Lady:   "Word Perfect."
%%
Cheap, fast, good - pick two,
%%
"We must be open minded, but not so open minded that our brains fall out."
 - James Randi
%%
"If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter."
%%
"The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober."
 - William Butler Yeats
%%
"The only thing worse than not getting what you want, is getting what you want."
%%
Any benevolent system designed to aid the truly needy will be abused by the truly unworthy.
%%
Despite its high cost, living remains popular.
%%
"To desire the end is to desire the means."
%%
"That which does not grow stronger, kills us."
 -M. Dederian
%%
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact they do so."
 - Bertrand Russell
%%
"In ten seconds I can tell you more than I know."
 - Anonymous Government Employee
%%
Being right too soon is always socially unacceptable.
%%
Politicians hate to see a beautiful theory mugged by a gang of ugly facts.
%%
"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard
die for his."
 - Gen. George Patton
%%
If I don't meet you no more in this world
Then I'll see you in the next one.
Don't be late
 - Jimi Hendrix"
%%
 Among things money can't buy is what it used to.
 - Max Kauffmann.
%%
 On this day 2.6.96
 1981 - The bridge over the Humber estury opened to traffic.
%%
 On this day 9.2.96
 1893 - The worlds first public striptease took place at the Moulin Rouge,
        Paris.
%%
 On this day 9.2.96
 1981 - Bill Haley died. He spearheaded the Fifties rock revolution with
        Rock around The Clock.
%%
 On this day 9.2.96
 1964 - Beatlemania gripped America as 70m tuned in to see the Fab Four on
        the Ed Sullivan Show.
%%
 On this day 6.2.96
 1958 - Seven Manchester United footballers - Busby's Babes - were killed
        when their plane crashed in thick snow at Munich airport.
%%
 One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
 - Oscar Wilde.
%%
 On this day 6.2.96
 1952 - King George VI died during the night at Sandringham, aged 56. His
        daughter succeeded as Elizabeth II.
%%
 On this day 6.2.96
 1918 - The Representation of the peoples act received Royal Assent,
        granting the vote to women over 30.
%%
 On this day 17.12.95
 1986 - Davina Thompson created medical history at Papworth Hospital,
        receiving a new heart, lungs and liver.
%%
 On this day 17.12.95
 1903 - The Wright brothers made the first successful controlled flight
        in a powered aircraft in North Caroline.
%%
 On this day 15.12.95
 1979 - Canadians, Chris Haney and Scott Abbott, came up with the idea of
        a game called Trivial Pursuit. It sold 45m copies worldwide in the
        first five years.
%%
 Nothing is so much feared as fear.
 - Henry David Thoreau.
%%
 On this day 14.12.95
 1962 - Mariner II sent back the first close up pictures of the planet
        Venus.
%%
 On this day 14.12.95�
 1911 - Norwegian Roald Amundsen became the first man to reach the South
        Pole - 35 days ahead of Captain Scott.
%%
 The only thing we have to fear on this planet is man.
 - Carl Jung.
%%
 On this day 13.12.95
 1967 - King Constantine fled Greece after an unsuccessful bid to topple
        the military junta.
%%
"The reason parents no longer lead their children in the right direction
is because the parents don't seem to be going that way themselves."
 - Frank McKinney Hubbard.
%%
 On this day 11.12.95
 1967 - The prototype of the worlds first supersonic airliner, Concorde, was
        revealed.
%%
 On this day 11.12.95
 1903 - The Royal Flying Corps, later to become the RAF, adopted the red,
        white and blue roundel to identify its planes.
%%
 There's much to be said for challenging fate instead of ducking behind it.
 - Diana Trilling.
%%
 On this day 10.12.95
 1868 - Londons first traffic lights were installed in Westminster.
%%
 On this day 10.12.95
 1907 - Rudyard Kipling was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature.
%%
 On this day 10.12.95
 1895 - Britain's first motoring organisation, The self Propelled Traffic
        Association, met.
%%
 On this day 9.12.95
 1960 - The first episode of Coronation Street was televised - although it
        was not networked until spring 1961.
%%
 On this day 9.12.95
 1783 - The first executions took place at Newgate Prison.
%%
"He who cannot lie cannot understand truth."
 - Frederick Nietzsche.
%%
 On this day 8.12.95
 1941 - Britain and the U.S. declared war on Japan.
%%
"Loyalty is the one thing a leader cannot do without."
 - A P Gouthey.
%%
 On this day 8.12.95
 1980 - John Lennon was shot dead in New York by Mark David Chapman.
%%
 On this day 8.12.95
 1991 - Leaders of the republics of Russia formed a "Commonwealth of
        Independent States" an pronounced the Soviet Union dead.
%%
"I say we take off; nuke the site from orbit.  It's the only way to be
sure."
- Corporal Hicks, in "Aliens"
%%
I'm sick of being trodden on!  The Elder Gods say they can make me a man!
All it costs is my soul!  I'll do it, cuz NOW I'M MAD!!!
- Necronomicomics #1, Jack Herman & Jeff Dee
%%
I do not believe that this generation of Americans is willing to resign
itself to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon...
- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Experience is directly proportional to the value of equipment destroyed.
        Carolyn Scheppner
%%
"Apple Mac users are so hard up, they can only afford one mouse button."
%%
NEVER EVER mess with a PCB jumper you don't understand, even if it's
labelled "SEX AND FREE BEER".
        Dave Haynie in <35810@cbmvax.commodore.com>
%%
"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?"
                -- Bertold Brecht
%%
What publishers are looking for these days isn't radical feminism.
It's corporate feminism -- a brand of feminism designed to sell books
and magazines, three-piece suits, airline tickets, Scotch, cigarettes
and, most important, corporate America's message, which runs: "Yes,
women were discriminated against in the past, but that unfortunate
mistake has been remedied; now every woman can attain wealth, prestige
and power by dint of individual rather than collective effort."
                -- Susan Gordon
%%
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
%%
Whatever became of Strange de Jim?  Well, he found a substitute for
cocaine: "You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your nostrils
as far as they will go.  Then you sniff talcum powder while shredding
hundred dollar bills."
                -- Herb Caen
%%
"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
cockroaches!"
                -- Mom
%%
When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an
act of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school.  A
group of seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a
six-year-old.  "It is always so," my mother said.  "You do things
together which not one of you would think of doing alone."  ...
Wherever one looks in the world of human organization, collective
responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.  The military
establishment is an extreme case, an organization which seems to have
been expressly designed to make it possible for people to do things
together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
                -- Freeman Dyson, "Weapons and Hope"
%%
When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
%%
Wood is highly ecological, since trees are a renewable resource.  If
you cut down a tree, another will grow in its place.  And if you cut
down the new tree, still another will grow.  And if you cut down that
tree, yet another will grow, only this one will be a mutation with
long, poisonous tentacles and revenge in its heart, and it will sit
there in the forest, cackling and making elaborate plans for when you
come back.
                -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
%%
"Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer
if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and
and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?"
%%
Write-Protect Tab, n.:
        A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
        left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an
        error message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far
        outweighs the momentary inconvenience.
                -- Robb Russon
%%
"Yacc" owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have
goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
their endless search for "one more feature".  Their irritating
unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
                -- S. C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
%%
Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today --
I think he's from the CIA.
%%
Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
the picture.  Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
with pictures.
%%
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We
 don't believe this to be a coincidence." !!   - Jeremy S. Anderson
%%
You can't change the laws of physics, Captain; I've got to have thirty
minutes.
%%
You cannot ride a long worm.
%%
You have a massage.  (From the Swedish prime minister.)
%%
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
%%
You shot the Wumpus!
%%
An Umber hulk can be a confusing sight.
%%
Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
%%
You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
        J. D. Salinger
%%
Reading Herbert will disgust you, but in one case it might be enlightening.
%%
Reading Tolkien might help you.
%%
We're here to give you a computer, not a religion.
        attributed to Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga
%%
The personal computer market is about the same size as the
total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the
size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total
worldwide sales of pantihose.
        James Finke, Pres., Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982)
%%
The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
%%
The most useful program will be continually improved until it is useless.
%%
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
%%
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes, keep this is mind.
%%
The life of a repo man is always intense.
%%
You will soon meet a tall dark handsome stranger.
%%
!xob XINEX siht edisni kcuts m'I ,pleH
%%
How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time.
        Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
GOTO statement considered harmful
        E. W. Dijkstra, title to a letter in CACM 11, 3 (March, 1968)
%%
Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I'm sick of your half-breed interference.
%%
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
%%
Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children.
I would prefer to achieve it by not dying.
        Woody Allen
%%
The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind to
correlate all its contents.
        H. P. Lovecraft
%%
Wherever you go...There you are.
        Buckaroo Banzai
%%
You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth.
        Nicklaus Wirth
%%
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be prosecuted.
%%
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN!
%%
Ahead warp factor 1
        Captain Kirk
%%
Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a problem to
be solved.
        Gerard Straub, television producer and author
        (stolen from Frank Herbert??)
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
        Andy Finkel, computer guy
%%
He's dead, Jim.
%%
The fountain code has been tightened slightly so you can no longer dip objects
into a fountain or drink from one while you are floating in mid-air due to
levitation.

Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the
character does not have fire resistance.

        README file from the NetHack game
%%
There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
        Randomly produced by a computer program called Markov3.
%%
I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis
socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for:  If they think
you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude.  I'm a
very technical boy.  So I decided to get as crude as possible.  These days,
though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to
crudeness.
        Johnny Mnemonic, by William Gibson
%%
Thufir's a Harkonnen now.
%%
If you want to eat hippopotamus, you've got to pay the freight.
        attributed to an IBM guy, about why IBM software uses so much memory
%%
 (Star Trek: Return of the Archons)
-Spock, did you see the looks on their faces?
-Yes, Captain, a sort of vacant contentment.
%%
There are some good people in it, but the orchestra as a whole is equivalent
to a gang bent on destruction.
        John Cage, composer
%%
I believe the use of noise to make music will increase until we reach a
music produced through the aid of electrical instruments which will make
available for musical purposes any and all sounds that can be heard.
        composer John Cage, 1937
%%
If you took everyone who's ever been to a Dead
show, and lined them up, they'd stretch halfway to
the moon and back... and none of them would be
complaining."
        a local Deadhead in the Seattle Times
%%
It was pity stayed his hand.
"Pity I don't have any more bullets," thought Frito.
        Bored of the Rings, a Harvard Lampoon parody of Tolkien
%%
A chicken is an egg's way of making another egg.
-- Samuel Butler
%%
A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.
-- Louis Nizer
%%
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet,
balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying,
take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations,
analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a
tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is
for insects.
-- Robert A. Heinlein 
%%
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-- H. H. Munro
%%
A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited
enthusiasm.
-- Charles M. Schwab 
%%
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
-- Oscar Wilde
%%
A man should be greater than some of his parts.
-- Peter De Vries
%%
A murderer is just an extroverted suicide.
-- Monty Python
%%
A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't
feel like it.
-- Alistair Cooke 
%%
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
-- Oscar Wilde
%%
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that
nature replaces it with.
-- Tennessee Williams 
%%
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument
than why I have one.
-- Cato the Elder
%%
Altruism is a fine motive, but if you want results, greed works
much better.
-- Henry Spencer
%%
An intellectual is a person whose mind watches itself.
-- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
%%
Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.
-- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Anything that doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
-- Nietzsche
%%
Art is "I" science is "we".
-- Claude Bernard (1813-1878)
%%
As long as you've lit at least one candle, you're allowed to curse
the darkness.
%%
As my grandfather used to say, "If we all liked the same
thing, the world would be after your grandma."
%%
Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life
begin when you get what you want.
-- Irving Kristol
%%
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he
usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
-- Charles Wadsworth
%%
Choose any two:

1)Enjoy your job.
2)Work within the law.
3)Make lots of money. 
%%
Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.
-- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
-- John Wooden
%%
Do not take life too seriously; you will not get out of it alive.
-- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes
you nothing; it was here first.
-- Mark Twain
%%
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a
fire.
-- W.B.Yeats 
%%
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just
sit there.
-- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
%%
Few men speak humbly of humility, chastely of chastity,
skeptically of skepticism.
-- Blaise Pascal
%%
For they know they will sooner gain their end by appealing to
men's pockets, in which they have generally something of their
own, than to their heads, which contain for the most part little
but borrowed or stolen property.
-- Samuel Butler
%%
Given enough time, what you put off doing today will eventually
get done by itself.
-- G. Gestra
%%
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
-- Napolean Bonaparte (1769-1821)
%%
Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from
bad judgement.
-- Barry LePatner
%%
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from
mediocre minds.
-- Albert Einstein
%%
Having it all doesn't necessarily mean having it all at once.
-- Stephanie Luetkehans
%%
Hell is paved with Good Samaritans.
-- William M. Holden
%%
History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each
other.
%%
Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.
-- Mark Twain
%%
I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the
more I have of it.
-- Stephen Leacock
%%
I am not young enough to know everything.
-- James Matthew Sarrie
%%
I don't think adversity necessarily builds character, but it
certainly gives you an opportunity to display it.
-- Gary Bean
%%
I feel that lying is a way of taking personal responsibility for
reality.
-- Garrison Keillor
%%
I know very few ideas worth dying for, none worth killing for.
%%
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
%%
If people concentrated on the really important things in life,
there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
-- Doug Larson
%%
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
If you want a track team that can win the high jump, you find one
person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one
foot.
%%
If you want truly to understand something, try to change it.
-- Kurt Lewin 
%%
If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh
about it, you might as well laugh about it now.
-- Marie Osmond 
%%
Attila the Hun's Rule

If you're going to rape, pillage, and burn, be sure to do things
in the right order.
%%
Immorality is the morality of those who are having more fun than
we are.
-- H.L.Mencken
%%
In baiting a mousetrap with cheese, always leave room for the
mouse.
-- Hector Hugo Munro
%%
Law of the Conservation of Filth

In order for something to become clean, something else must become
dirty.

COROLLARY: You can get everything dirty without
getting anything clean.
%%
In the long run, we are all dead.
-- John Maynard Keynes
%%
Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
-- Josh Billings
%%
Inferiority is what you enjoy in your best friends.
-- Lord Chesterfield
%%
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very
few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln
%%
It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything
but the best, you very often get it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
%%
It is better to go into a corner slow and come out fast, than to
go in fast and come out dead.
-- Stirling Moss
%%
It is better to say nothing and have people think you are stupid
than to open your mouth and remove any doubt.
%%
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
-- William Blake (1757-1827)
%%
It is easier to wear slippers than to carpet the entire world.
%%
It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived
by them.
-- la Rochefoucauld
%%
It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we
have to do, that makes life blessed.
-- Goethe
%%
It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners
before the game even starts.
-- Addison Walker 
%%
It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can
only do a little. Do what you can.
-- Sydney Smith 
%%
It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to
have tried and succeeded.
-- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
%%
It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without
end.
%%
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
%%
It's not the things we don't know that get us into trouble; it's
the things we do know that ain't so.
-- Will Rogers
%%
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs
*at* you.
%%
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
%%
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.
-- Ovid (43 BC-AD 18)
%%
Let thy maid servant be faithful, strong, and homely.
-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will
be sorry.
-- Mark Twain
%%
Life is a comedy to those who think and a tragedy to those who
feel.
-- Voltaire 
%%
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
-- Woody Allen 
%%
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
-- John Lennon
%%
Like all self-made men, he worships his creator.
%%
Look at a day when you are supremely satisified at the end. It's
not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've
had everything to do, and you've done it.
-- Margaret Thatcher 
%%
Love is a friendship set to music.
-- E. Joseph Cossman
%%
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
-- Mark Twain
%%
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time
he will pick himself up and continue on.
-- Winston Churchill
%%
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
-- Addison Mizner
%%
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
-- Bertrand Russell
%%
My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity
of other pessimists.
-- Jean Rostand
%%
Nature has given us two ears but only one mouth.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Never worry about your heart until it stops beating.
%%
No good deed goes unpunished.
-- Clare Boothe Luce
%%
No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.
-- Garrison Keillor
%%
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been
the reward for what he gave.
-- Calvin Coolidge
%%
No question is so difficult as that to which the answer is
obvious.
%%
Nobody ever promised me life would be easy...but, then again,
nobody ever warned me it might be impossible.
-- Jake Vest
%%
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
%%
Nothing is good or bad but by comparison.
-- Thomas Fuller
%%
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any
opinions at all.
-- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
%%
Nothing simple is ever easy.
-- Jim Becker
%%
Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off
his goal.
-- E. Joseph Cossman 
%%
Of all men's miseries the bitterest is this: to know so much and
have control over nothing.
-- Herodotus
%%
One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.
-- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
%%
One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged.
-- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)
%%
Only dead fish swim with the stream.
%%
Only vegetables are happy.
-- William Faulkner (1897-1962) 
%%
Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was
merely stupid.
-- Heinrich Heine
%%
Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial
reasons.
-- Bertrand Russell
%%
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
-- Joseph F. Newton
%%
Perseverence is not a long race; it is many short races one after
the other.
-- Walter Elliot 
%%
Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without
putting his thumb on the scales.
-- Byron J. Langenfield
%%
Consultant's Creed

Sell a man a fish and he will eat for a day and come back tomorrow
to buy another one from you. Teach a man to fish and [our
consulting company] will be out of business.
-- Dan Drake
%%
Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.
-- C. C. Colton
%%
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but
getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart
enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
-- Garrison Keillor
%%
Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest
inheritance.
-- Ruth E. Renkel
%%
Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may
like it.
-- Sam Ewing 
%%
Tactics is knowing what to do when there is something to do.
Strategy is knowing what to do when there is nothing to do.
-- Savielly Tartakover
%%
The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
-- Jacqueline Schiff
%%
The best substitute for brains is silence.
%%
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
-- Paul Valery
%%
The first human being who hurled an insult instead of a stone was
the founder of civilization.
-- attributed to Sigmund Freud
%%
The gods too are fond of a joke.
-- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
%%
The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and
which bridge to burn.
-- David Russell 
%%
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
%%
The most dangerous thing in the world is to try to leap a chasm in
two jumps.
-- William Lloyd George
%%
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to
others.
-- Doug Larson
%%
The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
-- Henry L. Stimson
%%
The process of growing up is to be valued for what we gain, not
for what we lose.
-- C.S.Lewis
%%
The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable
that I assume it must be evil.
-- Heywood Brown
%%
The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the
facts to fit their views...which can be very uncomfortable if you
happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.
-- Dr Who
%%
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
-- Beverly Sills
%%
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
There is no greater grief than to remember days of joy when misery
is at hand.
-- Dante
%%
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having
lots to do and not doing it.
-- John W. Raper
%%
There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few mistakes
early in life.
-- T. H. Huxley
%%
There may be more than one way to skin a cat, but you only get one
try per cat.
%%
There's a lot to be said for the fellow who doesn't say it
himself.
-- Maurice Switzer
%%
Time is a great teacher, but it kills all its pupils.
%%
To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to
unlearn old falsehoods.
-- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Treading on thin ice is safer than trying to walk on water.
%%
We all have the strength to endure the misfortune of others.
-- La Rochefoucauld
%%
We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities
brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.
-- John W. Gardner
%%
We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.
-- C.S. Lewis 
%%
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success
of those we don't like?
-- Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)
%%
We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do.
-- Samuel Smiles
%%
What doesn't kill me makes me stranger.
%%
When dealing with the insane, it is best to pretend to be sane.
-- Hermann Hesse
%%
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
-- Goethe
%%
When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
%%
When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get one, but you
won't come up with a handful of mud either.
-- Leo Burnett
%%
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
-- Henry J. Kaiser
%%
Where there is no religion, hypocrisy becomes good taste.
-- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Where there's a will, there's a won't.
%%
You are no bigger than the things that annoy you.
-- Jerry Bundsen
%%
You can't measure time in days the way you can money in dollars
because every day is different.
-- Jorge Luis Borges
%%
You know how people are.  They only recognize greatness when some
authority confirms it.
-- Calvin (Bill Watterson)
%%
You know you've achieved perfection in design, not when you have
nothing more to add, but when you have nothing more to take away.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery
%%
Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk.
        TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode _Amok_Time_
%%
I DO want your money, because god wants your money!
        The Reverend Jimmy, from _Repo_Man_
%%
If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go
to hell.
        Jimmy Swaggart, 5/20/88
%%
The F-15 Eagle:
If it's up, we'll shoot it down.  If it's down, we'll blow it up.
        A McDonnel-Douglas ad from a few years ago
%%
FORTRAN?  The syntactically incorrect statement "DO 10 I = 1.10" will parse and
generate code creating a variable, DO10I, as follows: "DO10I = 1.10"  If that
doesn't terrify you, it should.
%%
I knew then (in 1970) that a 4-kbyte minicomputer would cost as much as
a house.  So I reasoned that after college, I'd have to live cheaply in
an apartment and put all my money into owning a computer.
        Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
%%
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy.
        Dr. Emilio Lizardo
%%
Hey Ivan, check your six.
        Sidewinder missile jacket patch,
        showing a Sidewinder driving up the tail of a Russian Su-27
%%
"If a computer can't directly address all the RAM you can use, it's just a toy."
        anonymous comp.sys.amiga posting, non-sequitir
%%
Card readers?  We don't need no stinking card readers.
        Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciences, 1965, in a
        particularly vivid fantasy)
%%
The medium is the message.
        Marshal McLuhan
%%
"Okay," Bobby said, getting the hang of it, "then what's the matrix?  If
she's a deck, and Danbala's a program, what's cyberspace?"

"The world," Lucas said.

        William Gibson, _Count Zero_
%%
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips
over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come.
        Matt Groening
%%
The Street finds its own uses for technology.
        William Gibson
%%
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect "Hungry."
        a Larson cartoon
%%
         EARTH
     smog  |   bricks
 AIR  --  mud  --  FIRE
soda water |   tequila
         WATER
%%
   n = ((n >>  1) & 0x55555555) | ((n <<  1) & 0xaaaaaaaa);
   n = ((n >>  2) & 0x33333333) | ((n <<  2) & 0xcccccccc);
   n = ((n >>  4) & 0x0f0f0f0f) | ((n <<  4) & 0xf0f0f0f0);
   n = ((n >>  8) & 0x00ff00ff) | ((n <<  8) & 0xff00ff00);
   n = ((n >> 16) & 0x0000ffff) | ((n << 16) & 0xffff0000);

        Yet another mystical 'C' gem. This one reverses the bits in a word.
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, Jolt Cola
would be a Fortune-500 company.

If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, you'd be
able to buy a nice little colonial split-level at Babbages for $34.95.

If programmers wrote programs the way builders build buildings, we'd still
be using autocoder and running compile decks.

        Peter da Silva and Karl Lehenbauer, a different perspective
%%
Gort, klaatu nikto barada.
        The Day the Earth Stood Still
%%
101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR
        (1)  Scarecrow for centipedes
        (2)  Dead cat brush
        (3)  Hair barrettes
        (4)  Cleats
        (5)  Self-piercing earrings
        (6)  Fungus trellis
        (7)  False eyelashes
        (8)  Prosthetic dog claws
        .
        .
        .
        (99)  Window garden harrow (pulled behind Tonka tractors)
        (100) Killer velcro
        101. Currency
%%
"All flesh is grass"
        Isiah
Smoke a friend today.
%%
Sign up now for the summarizing Proust competition|
%%
CAPRICORN (Dec. 23 - Jan. 19)
        You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of
        anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any
        importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as
        they take root and become trees.
%%
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
        You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
        You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to
        be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same
        mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid.
%%
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
        You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
        followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your
        associates and people resent your flaunting of your power. You
        lack confidence and you are generally a coward. Pisces people
        do terrible things to small animals.
%%
ARIES (Mar 21. - Apr. 19)
        You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You
        are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are
        not very nice.
%%
TAURUS (Apr. 20 - May 20)
        You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and
        work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed.
        You are a Communist.
%%
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
        You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
        because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect
        too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis
        are known for committing incest.
%%
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
        You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They
        think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why
        you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are
        Cancer people.
%%
LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22)
        You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are
        pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike
        honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people
        are thieves.
%%
VIRGO (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
        You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is
        sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and
        sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus
        drivers.
%%
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
        You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
        reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.
        Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most
        Libra women are prostitutes.  All Libra people die of venereal
        disease.
%%
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
        You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will
        achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
        ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.
%%
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
        You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
        tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority
        of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People
        laugh at you a great deal.
%%
UNIX will be half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov  5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
                -- Andy Tannenbaum
%%
Easiest Colour to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
Black.  Simply remove all the little coloured stickers on the
cube, and each of side of the cube will now be the original Colour of
the plastic underneath - black.  According to the instructions, this
means the puzzle is solved.
        Steve Rubenstein
%%
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
        Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
%%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
        Donald Knuth
%%
Q: Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts!
%%
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
%%
I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned
him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I Helped
Skin Bob."
%%
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is
they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff,
then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What
was THAT?!"
%%
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I guess it
goes back to the time we went to the circus and a clown killed my Dad.
%%
So when I die, the first thing I will see in Heaven is a score list?
%%
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme
violence.
        Vivian, "The Young Ones"
%%
"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last,
"what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.
        A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enter here!
        Dante Alighieri
%%
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
%%
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
        Weisert
%%
Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when
you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
%%
Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
%%
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
        The Young Ones
%%
If God doesn't destroy San Francisco,
He should apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah.
%%
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
        Mae West
%%
Just once, I wish we would encounter
an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
        The Brigadier, from Dr. Who
%%
Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.
        Muad'dib
%%
Monsters come from nowhere to hit you everywhere.
%%
NetHack is a fantasy, in fact you're dreaming.
%%
NetHack is addictive.  Too late, you're already hooked.
%%
Never use your best weapon to engrave a curse.
%%
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist.
%%
Predestination was doomed from the start.
%%
Sauron is alive in Argentina.
%%
Save a forest - eat a beaver.
%%
The Leprechaun Gold Tru$t is no division of the Magic Memory Vault.
%%
The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood
as he reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all.
The Gray Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in
the palace of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in
twenty-five of him are dead, he is alive.
"Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached
everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a
fierce host which out-numbers Lankhmar's inhabitants by fifty to one -
and equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city."
"How?" demanded Fafhrd.
Ningauble shrugged. "You're a hero. You should know."

        Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
%%
The very first essential for success is a perpetually
constant and regular employment of violence.
        Adolph Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
%%
The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts
to fit their views...which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to
be one of the facts that needs altering.
        Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
%%
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
make is so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
deficiencies.
        C. A. R. Hoare
%%
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
        C. S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"
%%
This sentence contradicts itself - no actually it doesn't.
        Hofstadter
%%
What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
        WOP, "War Games"
%%
What colour is a chameleon on a mirror?
%%
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
        Bertold Brecht
%%
What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.
        Wittgenstein
%%
You offend Shai-Hulud by sheathing your crysknife without having
drawn blood.
%%
gy-ro-scope: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and
also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to each
other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two
mutually perpendicular axes results from application of torque to the
other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus
offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any
torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin.
        Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary
%%
Moses, returning from the mountain, spoke to his people:
"The good news is we got them down to ten."
"The bad news is that adultery is still one of them."
%%
Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
        James T. Kirk
%%
I'm saying nothing and I'm saying it: John Cage
%%
It is as if I were attempting to trace with the point of a pencil the
shadow of the tracing pencil: Nathaniel West
%%
There are three side effects of acid.  Enhanced long term memory,
decreased short term memory, and I forget the third.
        Timothy Leary
%%
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  Debugging had
to be discovered.  I can remember the exact instant when I realized
that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
finding mistakes in my own programs.
        Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
%%
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
no one we know belongs.
%%
What's the frequency, Kenneth?
%%
From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.
%%
If you pour salt on a snail, lots of scientific stuff happens.
        Beavis (on science projects)
%%
At the time you leave school, there's no future except for getting married.
And when you are about twenty-nine, you have two kids. And you want to
commit suicide.
        Sid Vicious
%%
I want to balanga you with my bonijoni!
I mean love... I mean agapi!
        Kalibanos (Raul Julia) to Miranda (Molly Ringwald) in 'The Tempest'
%%
I can't believe I gave away my pants to that guy!
        Molly Ringwald in 'Sixteen Candles'
%%
Of the twenty-some young men who were
waiting at the station for their dates to arrive on the
ten-fifty-two, no more than six or seven were out on the
cold, open platform.. The rest were standing around in
hatless, smoky little groups of twos and threes and fours
inside the heated waiting-room, talking in voices that,
almost without exception, sounded collegiately dog-
matic, as though each young man, in his strident, con-
versational turn, was clearing up, once and for all, some
highly controversial issue, one that the outside, non-
matriculating world had been bungling, provocatively
or not, for centuries.
        J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
It isn't just Wally. It could be a girl for goodness' sake. I mean if
he were a girl - somebody in my dorm, for example - he'd have
been painting scenery in some stock company all summer. Or bicycled
through Wales. Or taken an apartment in New York and worked for a
magazine or an advertising company. It's everybody, I mean.
        J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
At that moment, though, he chanced to look up from the table
and see someone he knew across the room - a class-
mate, with a date. Lane sat up a bit in his chair and
adjusted his expression from that of all-round appre-
hension and discontent to that of a man whose date has
merely gone to the john, leaving him, as dates do, with
nothing to do in the meantime but smoke and look
bored, preferably attractively bored.
        J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
"Whew". She squinted at the morning sunlight. "Why is it so sunny?"
She only partly took in Zooey's presence. "Why is it so sunny?"
she repeated.
   Zooey observed her rather narrowly. "I bring the sun wherever
I go, buddy," he said.
        J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
When I'm in town, I invariably sit by the hour with
my old friend Yama, the God of Death, and a private
phone's a must for our little chats.
        J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
About five minutes before the plane landed, I became aware
of people talking in the seat behind me. A woman was saying,
with all of Back Bay Boston and most of Harvard Square in
her voice, "... and the next morning, mind you, they took a
pint of pus out of that lovely young body of hers." That's
all I remember hearing, but when I got off the plane a few
minutes later and the Bereaved Widow came toward me all in
Bergdorf Goodman black, I had the Wrong Expression on my face.
I was grinning.

        J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
Picture this: You have a business meeting tomorrow with your
Japanese distributor. This meeting requires that you be in top form
for some critical negotiations. You have several reports to go
over, many facts to memorize, and above all you have to get some
rest.

Your first step? A trip to the drug store, of course. A meeting
like this is much too important to take on without fine-tuning your
biochemistry. You must create the optimal neurochemical conditions
for learning and creativity. You ask the druggist, who then points
you towards the shelf of cognitive enhancement
compounds. You load up your basket with bottles of piracetam,
vasopressin, hydergine, choline, DMAE, and maybe a little
centrophenoxine.

        from MEGABRAIN REPORT: THE PSYCHOTECHNOLOGY NEWSLETTER
%%
Yuggs, or Yuggya (Lesser Servitor Race)

Description: The Yuggya are large worm- or slug-like creatures that
dwell in the depths of the Pacific Ocean.  They grow up to four feet in
diameter and twelve feet or more in length.  They are a pale gray in
colour and look like elongated sacks.  In that respect they very closely
resemble chthonians, but yuggs lack the long tentacles of those beasts.
Instead, the  anterior end of a yugg terminates in a large round
sucker-mouth like that of a lamprey or hagfish.  A half dozen small
prehensile tentacles (or barbels) 6 inches to 2 feet long surround the
mouth, which contains several rows of horn-like teeth.  They leave trails
of stinking slime when moving on land.

        Kevin A. Ross: The Ponape Predators (instructions for Chtulu RPG)
%%
IN 1972, 82pc of all computers spent their on-line time sorting numbers,
IN 1993, 83pc of all computers spend their on-line time running screen blankers.
        Grant@l42south.equinox.gen.nz
%%
640K should be enough for anyone!
 -Bill Gates
%%
And what is this special AmigaOS feeling Shehkel can't understand ?
It's the fast and snappy response on everything you do....it simply
feels smooth and I haven't got this feeling from any other OS I have
used.
        Ralph Schmidt (laire@uni-paderborn.de)
%%
Remember, "Euphemisms are for the differently brained."
        jamie@cdevil.unx.sas.com (James Cooper)
%%
I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
        Edmund Blackadder
%%
Someday, perhaps in the very process of our benefactions, perhaps in
the fullness of geologic time, the last crane will trumpet his farewell
and spiral skyward from the great marsh.  High out of the clouds will
fall the sound of hunting horns, the baying of the phantom pack, the
tinkle of little bells, and then a silence never to be broken, unless
perchance in some far pasture of the Milky Way.
        Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac,
        Oxford University Press, NY, 1949.
%%
Note: do not try this at home if your character is not adequately equipped
with the proper gear & weapons, else you may become dragon toast.
        Diane Westerfield (wes5@quads.uchicago.edu)
%%
>    There are three types of Water, Holy, Unholy and original.  Is there any
>  way to turn normal water (or unholy water) into holy water?

What?! No Diet Water?
%%
In short - the 'Elbereth/Balance/Arioch' blessing is the God's way to tell
you "I've given you enough already. Here, have these intrinsics and bugger
off..." :-)
        Michal (pawlak@zeubac.desy.de)
%%
The police of a state should never be stronger or better armed
than the citizenry.  An armed citizenry, willing to fight, is the
foundation of civil freedom.
        Robert A. Heinlein
%%
>Is it possible to "recharge" magic lamps (i.e. so they end up with
>another djinn in them).  I was thinking that if you ENCOUNTERED a
>free-roaming djinn you could wield the lamp and hit the djinn with it, so
>that it gets sucked in and imprisoned, but I have never found one to try
>it on.

Even if it were possible, I somehow doubt that the djinni would be
particularly grateful to you for its release under those circumstances.

        allisom@govonca.gov.on.ca (Michael Allison)
%%
"You destroy the hobbit.  What a mess!"

I *did* know how to defend against a terrorist with a banana,
but I didn't know I could kill with a cream pie!!!
%%
"Killed by a minotaur named UKantHavIt"
%%
IDE drives are supposed to be able to transfer 128k bytes in one chunk,
but because IBM-style disk interfaces don't transfer more than 64k at
a time, some drives have never been tested to more than 64k.  Also, some
drives have problems with an even 128k or 64k, so the suggestions above knock
one extra block off.
%%
withered rope you hang what's empty can't remain to put it simply
in time cry the hollow words to sing with false disguise
smothered hope fly from sorrow for a new divine tomorrow I just
don't want to know anymore life shifts up and down everybody
knows it's wrong it's not in the rhyme or reason so it goes
with every season crawl to top fall through bottom first hand
love is really rotten slice of life find what's plenty inch
towards a sanctuary fight with me inside the womb I know everyone
everyone knows it's me it's my voice my voice cries out obscenity
sightless eye regard my past sometimes it should I just don't
want to know anymore

        Skinny Puppy: Smothered Hope
%%
Moral Support: Joe Pillow & The Dancing Fools
%%
ObHex: I've heard (possibly right here on a.f.c) that the AmigaDOS
ROM has the hex sequence FEED C0ED BABE in it.
%%
We have made a commitment to Commodore and work hard on their behalf.
(Many of you at this point will undoubtedly label us as stupid.)

        Kris Kuntz & Jeff Cupp, Digital Arts, Bloomington, IN
%%
Chorus:
  Hens love roosters,
  Geese love ganders,
  Everybody else loves Ned Flanders!

Homer <as dog-in-the-manger>:
  Not me!

Chorus:
  Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!

        The Simpsons
%%
> I do everything by hand. It's a lot more fun. And with all the hair
> growing on my palms, it's almost like the real thing.

Yeah, and I bet you sit on it first until it goes to sleep. Just like
being married.
%%
Picture a tombstone with these words:
GG Allin.   Ate shit and died.
%%
An old friend of mine once swore that she used to think Jimi
Hendrix said, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy."
%%
The Fall: "Lie Dream of a Casino Soul"
(My vers.)
A kickoff platform eunuch, we didn't like him much
There's a sector man insecticides, just like wankin'
Too late for dinner

(Official vers)
And our kid got back from Munich, He didn't like it much
Has a psyche that hadn't been synthesized, Just like machines
It's getting like that here now
%%
Imagine how bad Hitler would have been if
he saw Beavis & Butthead when he was a kid.
%%
>Why the hell do the gods want this amulet
>if all it does is curse items randomly and teleport you down levels?

They, of course, are the only ones that can destroy this evil
artifact...
%%
Quest artifact - The Golden Plunger.  When #invoked, does nothing.
When applied, can get rings out of sinks.  When carried, causes
aggravate monster in intelligent creatures ("Hey, let's go beat up the
weirdo with the plunger!")  When wielded, does 1d2 damage.
%%
oil remove shred and tear radiation vapor
it's the fear so unclear man in motion going nowhere
in our homes stuck in the face spread the word to the populace
yellow journal yellow journal set the pace feel the rage
manifestations of a sort so insidious off the point
simple solution never confusion sport a gun kill a cop
crazy world of weary thought so receive me had enough
lock me up lock me up
        Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
is he who speaks isn't weak wheelchair virtue so to speak
        Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
in cages our future - the answers insane
        Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
lovers and legions I've seen your whore try not to reason forsaken I'm poor
fire nerves and dissension flying at a glare a ginger reaction whisper care
a hairpin decision falls against the brain
to formulate the anguish and alleviate the pain
the silence is warning soul search nothing can't regain reach for air
scenes of a cheap thrill summon an old ghost
the foremost and sterile suffering one lost to
face the potential for fantasy and flair forever and forgiving
summon me and dare
        Skinny Puppy: Far Too Frail
%%
which side whose side you're in the middle of the fire
        Skinny Puppy: The Choke
%%
Christ why did you die
        Skinny Puppy: The Choke
%%
sample test at best is nothing less run for more I can't decide
love in the grass is nothing less rather you look me in the eye
your face creeping in your caring thankless grin
immobilize the setting sin create the mood that's dark and grim
        Skinny Puppy: Deadlines
%%
last call open bar never closing reach beyond
last call a shallow pond slow descending so slow to drown
        Skinny Puppy: Last Call
%%
green is the grass of survival
feeding the cows that they dine on
all is a disease
human disease
survival

        Skinny Puppy: Human Disease
%%
broken alice holy pat on the back and back and back force open wide no
way back she whispered lizard kiss rhtetoric bitch pass on answering
psycho babble with no security power escapes to the toilet room in the
lew of its own reflection she really knocks me out she sits she pukes her
point whoever will listen paranoid doubts shes really rocked out she
moves her mouth fault pat on the back and back and pat on the back and
force it she sits she listens she moves her mouth she sits she pukes its
her fault whatever intelligence fault push down with the purest crystal
around push it in whisper name feel it a double weighed out games invoke
she mixes knowing that all wont upset herself lizard kiss strung out
break mutilate all they see on the neck in and over top of what appears
to be real chill and tempt eye no time to see reality broken alice

        Skinny Puppy: Who's Laughing Now?
%%
notice that phrase thorough vileness of his
delivery ninety seven cars and free love
        Skinny Puppy: Rash Reflection
%%
I like the way you fill out your clothes
I'm gonna stick my head under your hose
HOSE        CLOTHES
THIS IS A CLOTHES HOIST BABY

        Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
If I ain't back by 5am start phoning round the hospitals
        Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
Make mine a double TEXACO
        Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
His pen's as mighty as his sword. Bites off more than he can afford
The torture-meister relishing - intimidating everything
Typewriter rhythms drowning the newly acquired insecurity
Gets in fights/stays up nights/rends and mends companion's tights
Forcin' symptoms of his own disease
A BOY FOR YOU, BLACK PLAGUE FOR ME

        Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
I close the door,
shouldn't burn yet,
the wires get hotter
palms are glowing...

this is hot meat
metallic blood
this is open sweat

show you with my fingers
draw with the eye
with your own breath

I tear your lungs out
this side of the blackest meadows
I make my winter dwelling
and crush my bones

I'll sail out the window,
I'll walk down the hedge
I will not finish until I'm fully satisfied.

        Sugarcubes: Coldsweat
%%
that girl on that bicycle showed great interest in all the motorcrashes in
the neighbourhood, she look quite innocent, but believe you me I know what
innocence looks like and it wasn't there, after she got that bicycle.
        Sugarcubes: Motorcrash
%%
she's drawing circles with her breasts in her jumper
        Sugarcubes: Mama
%%
deus does not exist.  But if he does, he lives in the sky above me, in the
fattest largest cloud up there.  He is whiter than white and cleaner than
clean.  He wants to reach me.

        Sugarcubes: Deus
%%
it's that little souvenir of a terrible year
which makes my eyes feel sore
oh I never should have said
the books that you read
were all I loved you for

        Sundays: Here's Where the Story Ends
%%
It's the airwaves of the world
Not the hairwaves on your head
        XTC: X Wires
%%
My tombstone will read:
"I can look under your skirt".
        Andy Partridge
%%
Happy I'm floating
Around on my feet now
You make me go dizzy
I'm weak at the knees
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall
Well you say I'm faking
And I say don't worry
The way that I bubble
There's something in the make
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall
Right, the chemistry is right
This boy has reached his height
The feeling just goes on and on...
From strength to strength
I'm ten feet long...
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall

        XTC: Ten Feet Tall
%%
Rule of Creative Research:
(1) Never draw what you can copy.
(2) Never copy what you can trace.
(3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
%%
Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
%%
Rule of Feline Frustration:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
%%
Rule of the Great:
When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
%%
Rules:
(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
%%
Run away to fight another day.
%%
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit,
He must be a communist.
And a beard and long hair,
Must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
        -- Arlo Guthrie
%%
Satellite Safety Tip #14:
If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
%%
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
%%
Save a forest -- eat a beaver.
%%
Save a mouse -- eat a pussy.
%%
Save energy: be apathetic.
%%
Save the whales -- harpoon a Honda.
%%
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
%%
Schapiro's Explanation:
The grass is always greener on the other side --
but that's because they use more manure.
%%
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
%%
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
%%
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.
They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that
was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were
linked together.They asked the question, "Is there a God?".Lights
started blinking, flashing and blinking some more.Suddenly, there
was a loud crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky,
struck the computers, and welded all the connections permanently
together."There is now", came the reply.
%%
Scott's first Law:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
%%
Scott's second Law:
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will
be found to have been wrong in the first place.
Corollary:
After the correction has been found in error, it will be
impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.
%%
Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else.
%%
Second Law of Business Meetings:
If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you
will pick the wrong one.
Corollary:
If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong, anyway.
%%
Second Law of Hacking: first in, first out.
%%
Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing.
        -- James Thurber
%%
Self Test for Paranoia:
You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's
your own fault.
%%
Serocki's Stricture:
Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
%%
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
        -- Swami X
%%
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation...
the other eight are unimportant.
        -- Henry Miller
%%
Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
        -- M. C. Reed.
%%
Sex is what women have and men want.
%%
Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool
will want to use it.
%%
She's fine, upstanding, and wonderful laying down.
%%
She's the kind of woman you could fall madly in bed with.
%%
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you
a man who is playing golf with his boss.
%%
Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
%%
Silverman's Law:
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
%%
Simon's Law:
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
%%
Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while
they're alive.
        -- John Sloan
%%
Since we're all here, we must not be all there.
        -- Bob "Mountain" Beck
%%
Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to,
or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you
should have gotten.
%%
Slang is language that takes off its coat,
spits on its hands, and goes to work.
%%
Slick's Three Laws of the Universe:
(1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
(2) A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
(3) There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is
attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is
attracted to dark objects.
%%
So far as I can remember, there is not one word
in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.
        -- Bertrand Russell
%%
So, if there's no God, who changes the water?
        -- New Yorker cartoon of two goldfish in a bowl
%%
Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to
occur.
%%
Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
        -- Ed Howe
%%
Some people live life in the fast lane.
You're in oncoming traffic.
%%
Some points to remember [about animals]:
(1) Don't go to sleep under big animals, e.g., elephants, rhinoceri,
hippopotamuses;
(2) Don't put animals with sharp teeth or poisonous fangs down the
front of your clothes;
(3) Don't pat certain animals, e.g., crocodiles and scorpions or dogs
you have just kicked.
        -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
Some women are like musical glasses.
To keep them in tune they must be wet.
        -- Samuel Coleridge
%%
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
        -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
%%
Speak softly and carry a big stick.
%%
Speak softly and carry a megawatt laser.
%%
Speak softly and carry the Staff of Archmage.
%%
Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
        -- Dave Millman
%%
Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
%%
Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading:
The visibility of an error is inversely proportional
to the number of times you have looked at it.
%%
Spelling is a lossed art.
%%
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
%%
Statisticians do it with 95% confidence.
%%
Statisticians probably do it.
%%
Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:
Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
%%
Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
%%
Stult's Report:
Our problems are mostly behind us. What we
have to do now is fight the solutions.
%%
Sturgeon's Law:
90% of everything is crud.
%%
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting
out of the way before it is understood.
%%
Success is like a fart -- only your own smells nice.
        -- James P. Hogan
%%
Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
%%
Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
%%
Sure he's sharp as a razor...he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
%%
Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
%%
Swipple's Rule of Order:
He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
%%
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind
when he has a hole in his head.
%%
Take a long worm from the rear, according to its mate it's a lot more fun.
%%
Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
%%
Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to
your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms,
and they'll call you crazy.
        -- "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
%%
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
        -- Euripides
%%
Talkers are no good doers.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
%%
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
        -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when
he grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
%%
Teachers do it with class.
%%
Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
%%
Technological progress has merely provided us with
more efficient means for going backwards.
        -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe
and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint
on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
%%
Test makers do it:
(a) sometimes
(b) always
(c) never
%%
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
%%
That girl could suck the chrome off a bumper.
%%
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
%%
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
        -- Dorothy Parker
%%
The Abrams' Principle:
The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
%%
The Briggs/Chase Law of Program Development:
To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program,
take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one,
and convert to the next higher units.
%%
The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the flexibility
of assembly language with the readability of assembly language.
%%
The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the Devil
out of Heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth for bridge.
        -- Letter in New Libertarian Notes #19
%%
The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.
%%
The First Rule of Program Optimization:
Don't do it.
%%
The Gods don't like competition.
%%
The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences
The one who has the gold makes the rules.
%%
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
%%
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member
of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
%%
Generals and Majors always
seem so unhappy 'less they got a war
        XTC: Generals & Majors
%%
I'm speaking to the justice league of America the u s of a hey you yes you
in particular!  When it comes to the judgement day and you're stood at the
gates with your weaponry you dare clasp your hands in prayer and start
quoting me 'cos we say....  our father we've managed to contain the
epidemic in one place now let's hope they shoot themselves instead of
others help to sterilize the race now.  we've trapped the cause of the
plague in the land of the free and the home of the brave if we listen
quietly we can hear them shooting from grave to grave.

        XTC: melt the guns
%%
Louder than tanks on the highway
Louder than bombers in flight
Louder than noises of hatred
Dancing us from darkest night is the rhythm of love
Powered on the the beating of hearts
        XTC: Beating of Hearts
%%
EXTERMINATE ALL THE BRUTES
        Kurtz, in Joseph Conrad's 'Heart of Darkness'
%%
Will you smile like any mother
As you bathe your brand new twins?
Will you sing about the missiles
As you dry odd numbered limbs?
        XTC: This World Over
%%
Will you smile like any father
With your children on a Sunday hike?
When you get to a sea of rubble
And they ask ``What was London like?''
        XTC: This World Over
%%
Sun that worked on overtime
Fuelled our bodies, kindled fire in our minds
Burning scars soon disappear
Like heat that hangs like water on the road
But most of all, I remember the sun.
        XTC: I Remember the Sun
%%
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
        Cure: Just Like Heaven
%%
soon I discovered that this rock thing was true
jerry lee lewis was the devil
Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
all of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world
so there was only one thing that I could do
was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long
        Ministy: Jesus Built My Hotrod
%%
Jesus built my car
it's a love affair
mainly Jesus and my hot rod
        Ministy: Jesus Built My Hotrod
%%
tell me something I don't know
show me something I can't use
push the button
connect the goddamned dots
        Ministy: TV Tune
%%
who what which why who
when did you say the earth would stop turning?
why did you say we would all start burning?
when should I make a pledge?
should I listen to the voices in my head?
        Ministy: TV Tune
%%
Everybody knows what's going wrong with the world
But I don't even know what's going on in myself.
        The The: Slow Emotion Replay
%%
This is the land, where nothing changes,
     the land of red buses & blue blooded babies,
This is the place, where pensioners are raped,
and the hearts are being cut, from the welfare state

        The The: Heartland
%%
So many people, can't express what's on their minds,
Nobody knows them & nobody ever will,
Until their backs are broken and their dreams are stolen,
and they can't get what they want, then they're gonna get angry!
Well it ain't written in the papers, but its written on the walls
The way this country is divided to fall,
So the cranes are moving on the skyline -
Trying to knock down - this town
But the stains on the heartland, can never be removed,
from this country, that's sick, sad, and confused.

        The The: Heartland
%%
The ammunition's being passed, and the lords been praised,
But the wars on the televisions will never be explained,
All the bankers gettin sweaty, beneath their white collars,
As the pound in our pocket, turns into a dollar.

This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.
This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.
This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.

        The The: Heartland
%%
A curse on the judges, the coppers and screws
Who tortured the innocent, wrongly accused,
For the price of promotion
And justice to sell
May the judged be their judges when they rot down in Hell
        Pogues: Birmingham Six
%%
May the whores of the empire lay awake in their beds
And sweat as they count out their sins on their heads
While over in Ireland eight more men lie dead
Kicked down and shot in the back of the head
        Pogues: Birmingham Six
%%
Christine!
Christine!
Christine!
Christine.

        House of Love: Christine
%%
burn down the disco
hang the blasted DJs
'cause the music they constantly play
says nothing to me about my life
        Smiths: Panic
%%
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
%%
When told he was making more per year than the President,
Babe Ruth replied, "Well, I had a better year than he did."
%%
An engineer was called from afar; the machine would not work; he pondered; he
called for a hammer; he dealt the thing a resounding blow; it worked. Much
later the bill arrived:

     Transport and travel                         $ 50.00
     Hitting the machine                         $   .01
   Knowing what and where to hit    $500.00
          Total                                             $550.01 (+ VAT)


                    (Modernised Apocryphal)
%%
     They sought it with thimbles, they sought it with care;
       They pursued it with forks and hope;
     They threatened its life with a railway-share;
       They charmed it with smiles and soap.

           -- The Hunting of the Snark, Lewis Carroll
%%
'In C, anything is legal until runtime...'
%%
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you
really make them think they'll hate you.
%%
<wraistlyn_rant> ::=
     [Don't] <thing>. You really ought (not | to ) <thing>.
     There's a reason for this: it's (bad | good) for you.
     If you ( | don't) <thing> I'll be very angry. You won't like me
     when I'm angry.

     If you (do | don't) <thing> I'll .. I'll .. um..
     Well, you just better (not | ) <thing>, petal, that's all.
%%
"Using an IBM PC is like juggling straight razors.
 Using a Mac is like shaving with a bowling pin."
-- Ted Nelson, _Computer Lib_
%%
H. L. Mencken's Law:
     Those who can -- do.
     Those who can't -- teach.

Martin's Extension:
     Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
%%
Don't eat that! That's my lunch!
%%
"Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a
 room."
-- Blaise Pascal
%%
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but
World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
          -- Albert Einstein
%%
You are in a grey formless void.
The universe hasn't been created yet.
%%
"[advise] the ruler to govern the state as one cooks a small fish -- that is,
don't turn it so often in the pan that it disintegrates."
-- Lao-tzu
%%
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
%%
Computers are Lego for grown-ups
%%
"In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable."
          -- Winston Curchill, of Montgomery
%%
"Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does
 the better."
-- Andre Gide
%%
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
%%
A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
%%
After winning the decathlon, Jim Thorpe was told by the King of Sweden, "You
are the world's greatest athlete."
Thorpe replied, "Thanks, King."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for
static cling."
%%
 "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
 "That depends a good deal om where you want to get to," said the Cat.
 "I don't much care where - " said Alice.
 "Then it doesn't matter which way you go", said the Cat.
 " -so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
 "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long
enough."
          -- Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
%%
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
%%
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then
give it back to them.
%%
An Aleatory Fortune:

yrbviuuroiwqurb;y
eivrepituew[oiirvporeiuytbuytbpoiewvouewqy4bpo4itpiuewqyt[#0v329386
 $rfewrybreiuyfoviuewy5v[p9b3q576b98326co8217uy54b#pwkhgoiudsaytcoi7vw

(John Cage Enterprises, Inc.)
%%
"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous."
%%
Wizards often cross-dress.

        -- quote from "The Joy of Sex" on Transvestism.
%%
"The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one
 which will last forever."
-- Anatole France
%%
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
%%
Accident, n.:
     A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
body is better.
%%
"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked if I had any questions.
 I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and
 you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?  He said he couldn't
 answer that.  I told him sorry, but I couldn't work for him then."
-- Steven Wright
%%
If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
%%
This is the lucky fortune.
The next 24 hours are going to be wonderful.
%%
2b OR NOT 2b

= 00101011 OR NOT 00101011
= 00101011 OR 11010100 (2b OR d4)
= 11111111
= FF
%%
In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one
of the risks he takes.
          -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
Let's do lunch.
%%
How to make a jam sandwich -
     first, catch your jam.
%%
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)

Dear Sir,

I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or
to the office.  We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in
public places.  They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result
in the farmers being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn
will cause massive unemployment in the already severely depressed
agricultural industry.

Yours faithfully,
     Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J. P.
     Sevenoaks
%%
It's a perfectly good program! It just doesnt work.
%%
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets."
-- David Bedno (davidbe@sco.COM)
%%
No man is an island, but then, no man is a potato salad, either.
%%
Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks they can train Americans
to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish.
%%
G. B. Shaw to William Douglas Home: "Go on writing plays, my boy.  One
of these days a London producer will go into his office and say to his
secretary, 'Is there a play from Shaw this morning?' and when she says
'No,' he will say, 'Well, then we'll have to start on the rubbish.'
And that's your chance, my boy."
%%
Nid yw Cymru ar werth!
%%
"The great tragedy of science, the slaying of a beautiful theory by an ugly
 fact."
-- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them
first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
          -- W. C. Fields
%%
A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
getting nervous.
%%
"Question Authority and the Authorities will question You."
-- Danny Low (dlow%hpspcoi@hplabs.hp.com)
%%
Carrier bags come in one size: Slightly Too Small.
%%
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
          -- Weisert
%%
     This fortune is false.
%%
Uh-oh.  Atarians can't hold a candle to the insecurity of Mac owners.  You
rankled Mac owners who feel the need defend yourself, please do so by flaming
in private.  And don't start something you can't finish.  I'm sure Apple's OS
for the 68000-based Macintoshs will support multitasking just as soon as Jean
Louis-Gasse invents it.  In the meantime, do whatever you need to do to make
sure other systems that have advanced the state of personal computers don't
enter your peripheral vision.  You'll be a lot happier, we'll be a lot happier.
--Chuck McManis (cmcmanis@sun.com)
%%
Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
     Black.  Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the
cube, and each of side of the cube will now be the original color of
the plastic underneath -- black.  According to the instructions, this
means the puzzle is solved.
          -- Steve Rubenstein
%%
You don't have to, you really don't have to - You could quite easily just
delete those last few lines...

     -- Alun "Professor Coypu" Jones objecting to being quoted in
                         fortune file..
%%
Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a
crack in your sidewalk?
%%
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
%%
progasm: the feeling you get when your code works the first time
%%
Mr. Cole's Axiom:
     The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
     population is growing.
%%
Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no
government at all.
%%
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
%%
Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.  It's 2 cents
for postage and 30 cents for storage.
          -- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial
             Post
%%
What's the difference between President Reagan's cabinet and a kindergarten?
The kindergarten has adult supervision.
%%
When all else fails, read the documentation.
%%
When did a lawyer ever file a brief that was?
%%
When I did well, I heard it never.
When I did ill, I heard it ever.
%%
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
%%
Where there's a swill there's a sway.
%%
Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
%%
Why be disagreeable, when with a little effort you can be impossible?
%%
Why does a dentist ask you if it hurts only when you can't answer?
%%
Why is it that political leaders don't seem to have all the answers until
they write their memoirs?
%%
Why is the King of Hearts the only one without a moustache?
%%
Why should we do anything for Posterity?
What's the bugger ever done for us?
%%
William Tell, Jr. had headaches.
%%
Willpower is the ability to eat ONE salted peanut.
%%
Wine does not intoxicate men; men intoxicate themselves.
%%
Wisdom is not knowing what to do now, but what to do next.
%%
Women over thirty are at their best,
but men over thirty are too old to recognise it.
%%
Women who seek equality with men lack ambition.
%%
Work expands to fit the time available for its completion.
%%
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
%%
Wurlitzer one for the money, two for the show.
%%
Xerox invents it, Apple commercialises it, and I.B.M. makes money
out of it.
%%
Yesterday an egg, tomorrow a feather duster!
%%
Yesterday I couldn't spell "computer programmer".  Now I are one.
%%
Yorick is a numb skull.
%%
You are never alone with a clone.
%%
You are only what you are when no one is looking.
%%
You can lead a horse to water,
but if you can get him to float on his back you have something.
%%
You can be sure you're getting old when you forget the name you wanted to drop.
%%
You can fool some of the people all the time,
and all of the people some of the time,
but you can't fool all the people all the time.
%%
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
%%
You can't buy happiness - but at least if you have money you can be miserable in comfort.
%%
You can't tell a book by its movie.
%%
You can't think rationally on an empty stomach,
and a whole lot of people can't do it on a full one either.
%%
You know your son is growing up when he looks at a girl the way he used to look at chocolate cake.
%%
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
%%
Watch my nose - no new taxes!
%%
It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to
program.  What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in
organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be
self-critical?
          -- Alan Perlis
%%
OLTION'S COMPLETE, UNABRIDGED HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE
Bang!      ...crumple.
-- Jerry Oltion
%%
A penny saved is ridiculous.
%%
Hopefully this will now not work less than it didnt work before...

     --- White the Wizard tracing a bug
%%
Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
%%
          Answers to Last Fortune's Questions:

1.  None.  (Moses didn't have an ark).
2.  Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle.
3.  I don't know.
4.  Who cares?
5.  6 (or maybe 4, or else 3).  Mr. Alfred J. Duncan of Podunk,
    Montana, submitted an interesting solution to Problem 5.
6.  There is an interesting solution to this problem on page 1029 of my
    book, which you can pick up for $23.95 at finer bookstores and
    bathroom supply outlets (or 99 cents at the table in front of
    Papyrus Books).
%%
The trouble with political jokes is that they tend to get elected
%%
Command, n.:
     Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
%%
How do you pronounce "ough"?
%%
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
%%
    One of the two heavily cloaked and robed figures introduced himself
as Neil, an elven magician. The other, who was left till last, finally
stood and said, "I an Number Five." With the cloak pulled back, a mask
could be seen over his face. Odd, thought Platos, I was under the
impression that there were no other Greeks in the party, yet here is one
of my superiors coming with us.
    Further thought along this line was forestalled by one of the masked
men at the side coming forward. "Hey," he cried, "I'm Number Five !" The
robed man turned instantly towards him and without losing his confidence
said, "Well then, I must be Number 5.1 !"

                 -- extract from "Prophecy" by Guy Simms.
%%
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
%%
"Today there may be more Marxists on the Harvard faculty than in Eastern
 Europe."
-- George Will
%%
Disk Drive:
     Equipment for collecting dust
Disk Head:
     The point upon which the collection of dust is maximised
Disk:
     A circular piece of magnetic material used to wipe dust off the
     Disk head.
%%
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
fascination.  When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
popular.
          -- Oscar Wilde
%%
To have too much and not enough is like a boat person with sideburns.

     -- Madagascan proverb.
%%
"Dammit, we're all going to die, let's die doing something *useful*!"
 -- Hal Clement, on comments that space exploration is dangerous
%%
Let us live!!!
Let us love!!!
Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!

You first.
%%
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
%%
NFS server God not responding: still trying.
%%
Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
%%
"I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my
blender."
%%
Time flies like an arrow - fruit flies like a banana.
%%
Remember, young programmers - the length of your
code is not NEARLY as important as its WIDTH!
        Dan Barrett
%%
Zorro III, contrary to popular belief, is actually SLOWER than Zorro
II, due to the overhead of the extra "I".
        Dan Barrett
%%
        If possible, avoid paper manuals entirely and document the whole
program in a "README" file on the program disk.  I know that some users don't
like README files because the information often isn't presented in a natural
order.  So, if you feel obligated to please your users, I recommend running
your README file through C:Sort.
        Dan Barrett: 10 Amiga Programming Tips For the Real World
%%
>3) Who was the actual creator of C=?  Was is Jack Tramiel?

        Nope.  Commodore was founded in 1861 by Norman "Bingo" Hockheister
and his aged mother, Loretta.  Bingo and Loretta were familiar faces in old
West Chester, standing on barrels in the marketplace, selling strange devices
that Bingo claimed could "calculate square roots", "cure leprosy", or even
"blast slimy aliens from Arcturus VI."

        Dan Barrett: The TRUE history of the Amiga
%%
        I really like this disk, but I have decided it's time to upgrade to
Fish Disk number 2.

        Dan Barrett: FOR SALE: Fish Disk number 1
%%
What, me worry?
        Alfred E. Neumann
%%
The double covern of sorcerers in turn began to bustle
more nervously, each with his particular spell - touching off
more stinks, jiggling black drops out of more dirty vials,
waving more wands, pin-stabbing more figurines, finger-
tracing eldritch symbols more swiftly in the air, mounding
up each in front of him from his bag more noisesome fet-
ishes, and so on.

From his hours of sitting at the foot of the table, Fafhrd
had learned that most of the spells were designed to inflict
a noisome disease upon Gwaay; the Black Plague, the Red
Plague, the Boneless Death, the Hairless Decline, the Slow
Rot, the Fast Rot, the Green Rot, the Bloody Cough, the
Belly Melts, the Ague, the Runs, and even the footling Nose
Drip.

        Fritz Leiber: The Lords of Quarmall
%%
I seek two swords, forged millennia ago by immortals,
used by my ancestors but then relinquished by them and
placed upon this plane. The swords are large and heavy
and black and they have cryptic runes carved into their
blades.
        Michael Moorcock: Elric of Melnibon�
%%
Quoth the raven: 'Demi Moore'.
        Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate): Married with Children
%%
Quoth the raven: "Eat my shorts"
        Bart Simpson
%%
How does the turkey know to fly? He just knows.
        Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate): Married with Children
%%
German guests: "We didn't start this!"
Basil:         "Yes you did!"
German guests: "No we didn't!"
Basil:         "Yes you did! You invaded Poland!"

        Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) in 'Fawlty Towers'
%%
It's better to die than to fade away.
        Neil Young
%%
A moment later, before even half the people in Joe's have begun tittering,
a flash of green light precedes the arrival of two VERY odd patrons.  They
rotate their bellies to get a better look at you.  As their mouth stalks
open you find that, despite an evolution that occurred dozens of
astronomical units from Upper Sandusky, these fellows speak in perfect
midwestern English.
        Steve Meretzky: Leather Goddesses of Phobos
%%
Life is what happens to you while you're busy doing other things
        John Lennon
%%
As you well know, the secret of community lies in
suppression of the incompatible.
        Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
I will die four deaths - the death of the flesh, the death of the soul,
the death of the myth and the death of reason. And all of these deaths
contain the seed of resurrection.
        Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Seeing futures is a vision of a continuum in which all things
take shape like bubbles forming beneath a waterfall. You
see them and then they vanish into the stream. If the stream
ends, it is as though the bubbles never were. That stream is
my Golden Path and I saw it end.
        Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Prisons are needed only to provide the illusion
that courts and police are effective. They're a kind of job
insurance.
        Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Police always observe that criminals prosper. It takes
a pretty dull policeman to miss the fact that the position of
authority is the most prosperous criminal position available.
        Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
- How many politically correct people does it take to...
- That question is neither appropriate nor funny.
%%
The mummy a foot in the machine. The machine a foot in the mummy.  Mister
analphabet a seeing. (...) Other seeing mummies recoiling from mister A
from the machine. Afraid for A who sees without (...) looking without
seeing causing damage on the societylovemachinery.

        unknown schizophrenic, Stockholm 1994
%%
...sweet, no matter if it is anticide or sugar.
        unknown schizophrenic, Stockholm 1994
%%
- How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light globe?
- None. They declare darkness to be an industry standard.
%%
I can imagine the working conditions at Commodore:

- "When do you want to get some food?"
- "GO AWAY!  I AM UNDER NDA SO I CANNOT TELL YOU WHEN!!!"
- "How about dinner then?"
- "NO! DINNER IS NOT READY YET, SO I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.  WE
  CAN TALK ABOUT DINNER ONLY AFTER IT HAS BEEN RELEASED!!!"
- "But that guy over there has something to eat!"
- "HE IS AN AUTHORIZED COMMODORE DEVELOPER.  HE IS ENTITLED TO BETA
  VERSIONS OF DINNER THAT YOU *CANNOT* HAVE!!!"
- "But *when* can I have something to eat???"
- "DINNER WILL NOT BE READY FOR ANOTHER HOUR YET!!!  OH NO - I'VE
  VIOLATED MY NDA AGREEMENT.  NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOO I'M MELTING! I'M
  MELTING!  WHAT A WORLD - WHAT A WORLD..." *poof*

        charlet@hubcap.clemson.edu (Charles E "Rick" Taylor IV)
%%
- Convert your black labrador dog into a seal by feeding it cakes and lollies, depriving it of
  exercise, slipping a pair of black socks onto its front paws, smearing its coat with vaseline,
  then encouraging it to balance a beach ball on its nose in return for fish shaped dog biscuits.                    %%
- Don't fork out for expensive smoke alarms. Simply hang water-filled balloons from the ceiling. Then
  cover the floor with air-filled condoms, each with a drawing pin stuck to the top. If a fire starts,
  the hot air will cause the condoms to rise and burst the balloons with water in, thus extinguishing
  the fire. Probably.
%%
- INTERNATIONAL master criminals . Tell your guards to shoot James Bond in the head at the first
  available opportunity. Under no circumstances give him a guided tour of your secret base, or leave
  him in the custody of women wearing bikinis .
%%
- Beat the credit card companies at their own game. Run up a massive bill on your credit cards and
  then kill yourself before your statement arrives, thus avoiding repayment.                                                     %%
- To enhance the flavour of salt, sprinkle food on it .
%%
- Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding your TV or video
  remote control up to your ear and mounting the kerb occasionally.
%%
- Make visits to the dentist less nerve racking by dropping into the pub first and drinking
  10 or 12 beers beforehand.
%%
- An old television with a toaster inside makes an ideal microwave oven. For making toast.                                  %%
- Taxi drivers. Why not pop into a garage and ask them to fix your indicator lights for you
  so that other drivers know where the fuck you are going.
%%
- Drink drivers. Before driving home after an evening on the piss, try sucking on an extra strong
  mint. Later, when the police stop you swerving across the road and driving on the pavement,
  they'll never in a million years suspect that you've been drinking.                                           %%
- OFFICE managers . Encourage primeval `hunter-gatherer' instincts among staff by hiding nuts
  and berries about your office to enable them to forage for food at lunch time.                                               %%
What do you call a bigot in a wig?
Your Honour.                                                                                                            %%
What do you call a few hundred bigots in wigs?
The Australian Judicial System.
%%
Why is an Australian judge like Old Sydney Town?
They both offer a variety of 18th-century views.
%%
What do you call a judge driving through a working class neighbourhood?
Lost.
%%
What do you call fifty sexist, racist judges stuck at the bottom of the ocean?
A bloody good start.
%%
CRMINAL: A person found at home in bed at 3 am.
%%
POLICE INTELLIGENCE: Something used in order to raid the wrong house.
%%
THE LAW: A system devised by do-gooders to hamper police operations.
%%
INNOCENT PERSON: An person whose background requires further investigation.
%%
INNOCENT VICTIM. An innocent person who's been shot by the Tactical Response
%%
Q:  How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.
%%
Q:  What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
A:  The warning label.
%%
Q:  What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?
A:  Successive approximations.
%%
Q:  Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to:
    1)  Divide
    2)  ROUND
    3)  RANDOM
    4)  On a Pentium, all of the above
A:  Number 4.
%%
Q:  What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
A:  "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)
%%
Q:  Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A:  Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.
%%
Q:  According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point
    arithmetic.  If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation
    of "IEEE"?
A:  [Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee]
%%
TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM
-----------------------------------------

9.9999973251   It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
8.9999163362   It's Close Enough, We Say So
7.9999414610   Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
6.9999831538   You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
5.9999835137   Redefining the PC -- and Mathematics As Well
4.9999999021   We Fixed It, Really
3.9998245917   Division Considered Harmful
2.9991523619   Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point?
1.9999103517   We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
0.9999999998   The Errata Inside
%%
Q: What do you call ten blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
%%
Q: How do blondes brain cells die?
A: Alone.
%%
Q: Where would you find a blonde the day his ship comes in?
A: At the airport.
%%
Q: What did the blonde say to Humphrey B Bear?
A: Speak to me! Speak to me!
%%
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can't spell Porsche
%%
Q: Why do blondes take the Pill?
A: To find out what day it is.
%%
Q: What is the blondes mating call?
A: I think I'm drunk.
%%
Q: What's the brunettes mating call?
A: Has that dumb blonde gone yet?
%%
Q: Why do blondes carry ID cards?
A: To remind them who they are.
%%
Q: What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?
A: An interpreter.
%%
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men?
A: Their ankles.
%%
Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
%%
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: I hope it's not mine.
%%
Q: How does a blonde spell blonde?
A: B-L-oh it doesn't matter anyway.
%%
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
%%
Q: Why are all dumb-blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So men can understand them.
%%
Paul Keating, the Indian High Commissioner and the Isreali Ambassador are forced to seek emergency
accomodation when their car breaks down in the middle of the bush. A farmer is happy to help, but
only has two spare beds... 'So someone will have to sleep in the barn.' The Israeli Ambassador
volunteers. 'We Jewish people are used to sleeping in barns - it is part of our history.' But
he returns to the house when he discovers that he'll be cohabiting with a pig, which just isn't
kosher. Then the Indian High Commissioner steps forward, only to be knocking at the door a few
minutes later, protesting the presence of a cow. 'The cow is sacred to us Indians,' he exclaims.
'I couldn't possibly sleep with one.'
'Okay, scumbags,says Paul, 'I'll go and sleep in the barn.'
After five minutes there's a knocking on the door. The farmer opens it only to be confronted with
the pig and the cow.
%%
Paul Keating was tripping along a country road when the car ran over a pig. He told the chauffeur
to go to the nearby farmhouse and explain what had happened, apologise and offer to pay for the
animal. The driver was gone a long time and when he returned had lipstick all over his face, was
smoking a cigar and clutching an empty champagne bottle. 'I had a marvellous time boss,' he said
'the farmer gave me a cigar, his sons kept giving me champagne and his daughters made passionate love
to me.'
'Good grief!,' exclaimed Paul, 'what on earth did you say to them?'
'Just what you told me boss,' said the chauffeur. 'I knocked on the door and said,
"G'Day, I'm Paul Keating'
%%
Q: What does an Aussie call matching luggage?
A: Two carrier bags from an off-licence
%%
Q: What is the definition of an Aussie virgin?
A: A lamb who outpaces the shepherd.
%%
Q: How do you get an Aussie on the roof?
A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.
%%
Q: What's the difference between an Aussie and a Quantas jet?
A: The jet stops whining when it gets to England.
%%
Q: Why do Aussies put XXXX on a can of beer?
A: They can't spell 'beer'.
%%
Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a penis?
A: A man.
%%
Q: Why are Aussie men like toilets?
A: They're either engaged or full of shit.
%%
Q: What is an Aussie man's idea of a seven course meal?
A: A hot dog and a six pack.
%%
 If an intelligent politician, and intelligent woman and the Easter Bunny got into a lift together and
discovered a $10 note lying on the floor, which would pick it up?
The intelligent woman. The other two don't exist.
%%
 There was a young couple typically in love who had an all-consuming problem. That is, she was a
staunch Liberal and he was a dedicated Labour supporter. They decided to marry under the solid rule
that politics would not be discussed, but immediately after the reception they had a fierce political
argument. Later that night in the nuptial bed the girl relented and said, 'There is a split in the
liberal Party ranks and it is likely if a labour member stood then he would get in unopposed.' To
which there was a prompt reply, 'It is too late, he stood independantly and has blown his deposit.'
%%
Q: What heppens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35000 feet with no parachute?
A: Who cares?
%%
Q: An engineer, a doctor and a lawyer were on a ship. it began taking water and sinking, and the
   cowardly crew abandoned the ship and passengers. The three found themselves trying to stay afloat
   in a two-man dinghy. It was obvious that it was not going to work, and that sacrifice by one of
   the three was necessary to enhance the survival prospects of the other two. Without fuss, the
   lawyer went over the side and struck out confidently for what looked like a smudge of land on
   the horizon. Suddenly, several menacing triangular fins broke the surface and the two in the
   dinghy thought the lawyer was about to pay the ultimate price. To their amazement, however,
   two of the sharks started leading the way to the island in the distance, while the remainder
   formed a protective circle around the lone swimmer. Watching dumbfounded from the dinghy,
   the doctor stammered, 'That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen!', 'Not amazing,'
   replied the engineer, 'simply a matter of professional courtesy.'
%%
Q: What is the difference between Aussie men and government bonds?
A: Bonds mature.
%%
Q: Why do Aussies have clear topped lunch boxes?
A: So they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
%%
Q: Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Australia?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
%%
Q: Why does a woman need an arsehole?
A: Well, someone has to put out the garbage.
%%
Q: How many men does it take to put the loo seat down?
A: None. No man on earth knows how it's done.
%%
Q: Why does it take three women with pre-menstrual tension to change a light bulb?
A: Because it just _does_, all right?!!!
%%
Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, and nine to pin the medal on his chest.
%%
Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, plus two to form a collective, and three to make an application for funding.
%%
        Anyway, his position at that point was to say that the Amiga format
must be more unstable. As he said it, with the 1.44 format, if your data went
bad then it could 'move over' to the unused place on the disk, because there
was another 500K on the disk, thus making it more stable. The Amiga's 1.76
format (including DiskSpare Devices' 1.97 format) was 'more unstable' because
bad data then had nowhere else to go and then it 'fell off' the disk.

        After I stopped laughing, I marvelled at some of the arguments some
people level against the Amiga, even when the advantages of the Amiga are
totally obvious with the application of a little common sense.

        nverenin@scripps.edu
%%
This is one of our greatest perils:
to see patterns in coincidences.
%%
I think the only way to address a problem of any kind is to move directly
into it.  Perhaps its too much Aikido practice, but I think any other way
you're doomed.  That isn't necessarily C='s business practice, but it's in
my approach to Commodore.  I look at the technical problems, business
problems, etc. and make a decision.  Do I attempt to address the technical
problems or do I forget about Commodore.  At this point, I choose to address
the continuance of the Amiga, and I do so because I believe that it is
something worth doing, and something that will yield success. If I did not
believe this, I would have left the company, plain and simple.  Obviously,
not everything is under my control, but I know what I have to work with over
the next year or so, and I judge it adequate to achieve the necessary goals.
        Dave Haynie
%%
Hey Butthead! It's Mallory! It's that chick from 'Family Ties'!

        Beavis, watching a PJ Harvey video in 'Tornado'
%%
Look, another one of those heavy metal videos with a
guy all naked and crawled up on the floor.

        Beavis & Butt-head
%%
Stop thinking!
        TV commercial for washing powder
%%
We quaffed the Soma bright
And are immortal grown.
We've entered into light
And all the gods have known.
What mortal now can harm
Or foreman vex us more?
Through thee, beyond alarm,
immortal god we soar."

        The Rig-Veda
%%
In my confrontations with the personified Other that is present in the
mushroom, part of the message was its species-specific uniqueness and its
desire for a symbiotic relationship with Mankind.  At other times it
presented itself not so much as a personage but as an infinite network
which many sorts of beings in different parts of the multiverse were using
for their own purposes.

        Christian Ratsch (ed.): Gateway to Inner Space; Sacred Plants,
        Mysticism and Psychotherapy
%%
This woman was so fat that she had two smaller
women orbiting around her.
        Al Bundy (Married With Children)
%%
Teenage metalchicks are cool.
        Butt-head
%%
How does that chick expect to sell any records
without cleavage?

        Butt-head, on Siouxie Sioux
%%
Uh... one of those hard-shelled peppercorns, heh heh...

        Texas Chainsaw Massacre II; cannibal clan leader
        when finding a human fingerbone in his price chili.
%%
So we walk day and night
by the big cooling tower
they own the plant
but we have the power

        The Simpsons (power plant workers on strike)
%%
and a Bluejay squeaks
its beak open
an inch above a creek

gone fishing for a week

        Captain Beefheart: The Dust Blows Forward
                'n the Dust Blows Back (1969)
%%
Madam, you have suffered an emotional shock.
I will notify a rape crisis centre.
        Robocop
%%
What are you doing, BUTT-HEAD?  Why is it that
EVERY DAY you boys have to test your limits with me?
*sniff*
You boys smell like a TURD!
What is the MATTER with you?

I'm NOT sure, Beavis, but I think it sucks.
%%
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to
pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn
the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
%%
Quite naturally, holders of power wish to suppress wild research.
Unrestricted questing for knowledge has a long history of
producing unwanted competition. The powerful want a "safe line
of investigations," which will develop only those products and
ideas that can be controlled and, most important, that will
allow the larger part of the benefits to be captured by
inside investors.
        Frank Herbert: Heretics of Dune
%%
Celibacy may very well be the greatest perversion.
        Polish saying
%%
- ...touring the whole world.
- You seem a bit tired. Shouldn't you have a holiday?
- No, I've just smoked a joint, actually.
- Is that true?
- Yeah. [In broken Swedish-Danish:] I have smoked a
  big, big joint. I am a bit stoned.

        member of great Australian rock band The Church
        (Marty Wilson-Piper?), interviewed in Swedish radio
        at Roskilde
%%
A whole world have asked themselves how president Ronald Reagan
has managed to keep his powerful vitality, youthfulness and
energy at such a high age, even though he has one of the toughest
jobs in the world.
        commercial for "The President's Power" pollen energy capsules
%%
when love is gone
there is always justice
and when justice is gone
there is always force
and when force is gone
there is always mama
        Laurie Anderson
%%
The noise of the world will shut out
the Voice of God - if you let it.
        Oprah Winfrey
%%
She is _so_ liberal that she even objects to the death penalty
for criminals who prey on children!
        campaign message against some American political candidate
%%
the SNOT-GREEN sea
the SCROTUM-TIGHTENING sea ---
        Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel
%%
the inscription on my tombstone reads:
"wish you were here"
        Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel
%%
- The future sucks! Change it!
- I'm pretty cool, Beavis, but I can't change the future.
%%
the European Union - the PL/1 of international politics
%%
that was cool
when we killed that frog
it won't croak again

        haiku by Butt-head
%%
No breakfast in Hell, eh?
        Jeanette Winterson
%%
Check it out, Beavis.  There comes Krokus to kick their ass.
It's the night of the living bands that suck.

        Butt-head, watching an Accept video in 'Tornado'
%%
Nice try, Beaver and Butt-plug...

        Earl in Beavis & Butt-head: 'Incognito'
%%
Mozart? I'd rather listen to the sound of
an ambulance, driving up to my own house!
        J�rgen Grahn
%%
- Hey, where's the TV?
- The TV is the Devil's tool.
- Yeah. Where is it?

        Beavis & Butt-head in 'Beavis & Butt-head meet God'
%%
These chicks should marry GWAR.
        Butt-head (about Bananarama)
%%
The rich get richer, the poor are getting poorer.
        Time Zone (John Lydon and Africa Bambaata):
        'World Destruction', mid-80s.
%%
"The Gods blast you with a wide-angle disintegration ray -more-
 Your shield of reflection reflects most of the ray -more-
 Your boots fail to reflect some of the ray -more-
 Your helmet fails to reflect some of the ray -more-
 You weren't wearing 2,000,000 sunblock -more-
 You are having a REALLY bad day."

        chowes@kits.sfu.ca (Charles Howes)
%%
        Stupid Reasons Why England Should Retain the Monarchy
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#4 - Someone has to defend Britain against the threat of being
     overrun by dangerous grouse, deer and foxes.
%%
           {                                   {
        }   }   {                           }   }   {
       {   {  }  }                         {   {  }  }
        }   }{  {                           }   }{  {
       {  }{  }  }                         {  }{  }  }
      ( }{ }{  { )                        ( }{ }{  { )
    .- { { }  { }} -.                   .- { { }  { }} -.
   (  ( } { } { } }  )                 (  ( } { } { } }  )
   |`-..________ ..-'|                 |`-..________ ..-'|
   |                 |                 |                 |
   |          (__)   ;--.              |          (__)   ;--.
   |          (oo)  (__  \             |          (uu)  (__  \
   |   /-------\/    | )  )            |   /-------\/    | )  )
   |  / |     ||     |/  /             |  / |     ||     |/  /
   | *  ||W---||    (  /               | *  ||ww--||    (  /
   |    ^^    ^^     y'                |    ^^    ^^     y'
   |                 |                 |                 |
    `-.._________..-'                   `-.._________..-'
%%
                    {
                 }   }   {
                {   {  }  }
                 }   }{  {
                {  }{  }  }
               ( }{ }{  { )
             .- { { }  { }} -.
            (  ( } { } { } }  )
            |`-..________ ..-'|
            |                 |
            |          (___)  ;--.
            |          (o o) (__  \
            |   /-------\ /   | )  )
            |  / |     ||O    |/  /
            | *  ||,---||    (  /
            |    ^^    ^^     y'
            |                 |
            `-.._________..-'
%%
         _
        / \      _-'
      _/|  \-''- _ /
 __-' { |          \
     /              \
     /       "o.  |o }
     |            \ ;
                   ',
        \_         __\
          ''-_    \.//
            / '-____'
           /
         _'
       _-'
%%
       ___                                      .-~. /_"-._
      `-._~-.                                  / /_ "~o\  :Y
          \  \                                / : \~x.  ` ')
           ]  Y                              /  |  Y< ~-.__j
          /   !                        _.--~T : l  l<  /.-~
         /   /                 ____.--~ .   ` l /~\ \<|Y
        /   /             .-~~"        /| .    ',-~\ \L|
       /   /             /     .^   \ Y~Y \.^>/l_   "--'
      /   Y           .-"(  .  l__  j_j l_/ /~_.-~    .
     Y    l          /    \  )    ~~~." / `/"~ / \.__/l_
     |     \     _.-"      ~-{__     l  :  l._Z~-.___.--~
     |      ~---~           /   ~~"---\_  ' __[>
     l  .                _.^   ___     _>-y~
      \  \     .      .-~   .-~   ~>--"  /
       \  ~---"            /     ./  _.-'
        "-.,_____.,_  _.--~\     _.-~
                    ~~     (   _}       -Row
                           `. ~(
                             )  \
                            /,`--'~\--'~\
                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
%%
                                   __    _
                              _wr""        "-q__
                           _dP                 9m_
                         _#P                     9#_
                        d#@                       9#m
                       d##                         ###
                      J###                         ###L
                      {###K                       J###K
                      ]####K      ___aaa___      J####F
                  __gmM######_  w#P""   ""9#m  _d#####Mmw__
               _g##############mZ_         __g##############m_
             _d####M@PPPP@@M#######Mmp gm#########@@PPP9@M####m_
            a###""          ,Z"#####@" '######"\g          ""M##m
           J#@"             0L  "*##     ##@"  J#              *#K
           #"               `#    "_gmwgm_~    dF               `#_
          7F                 "#_   ]#####F   _dK                 JE
          ]                    *m__ ##### __g@"                   F
                                 "PJ#####LP"
           `                       0######_                      '
                                 _0########_
               .               _d#####^#####m__              ,
                "*w_________am#####P"   ~9#####mw_________w*"
                    ""9@#####@M""           ""P@#####@M""
%%
:fall through: v. (n. `fallthrough', var. `fall-through')
   1. To exit a loop by exhaustion, i.e., by having fulfilled its exit
   condition rather than via a break or exception condition that exits
   from the middle of it.  This usage appears to be *really* old,
   dating from the 1940s and 1950s.  2. To fail a test that would have
   passed control to a subroutine or some other distant portion of
   code.  3. In C, `fall-through' occurs when the flow of execution in
   a switch statement reaches a `case' label other than by
   jumping there from the switch header, passing a point where one
   would normally expect to find a `break'.  A trivial example:

     switch (color)
     {
     case GREEN:
        do_green();
        break;
     case PINK:
        do_pink();
        /* FALL THROUGH */
     case RED:
        do_red();
        break;
     default:
        do_blue();
        break;
     }

   The variant spelling `/* FALL THRU */' is also common.

   The effect of this code is to `do_green()' when color is
   `GREEN', `do_red()' when color is `RED',
   `do_blue()' on any other color other than `PINK', and
   (and this is the important part) `do_pink()' *and then*
   `do_red()' when color is `PINK'.  Fall-through is
   {considered harmful} by some, though there are contexts (such as
   the coding of state machines) in which it is natural; it is
   generally considered good practice to include a comment
   highlighting the fall-through where one would normally expect a
   break.
%%
:fandango on core: [UNIX/C hackers, from the Mexican dance] n.
   In C, a wild pointer that runs out of bounds, causing a {core
   dump}, or corrupts the `malloc(3)' {arena} in such a way as
   to cause mysterious failures later on, is sometimes said to have
   `done a fandango on core'.  On low-end personal machines without an
   MMU, this can corrupt the OS itself, causing massive lossage.
   Other frenetic dances such as the rhumba, cha-cha, or watusi, may
   be substituted.  See {aliasing bug}, {precedence lossage},
   {smash the stack}, {memory leak}, {memory smash},
   {overrun screw}, {core}.
%%
:FAQ list: /F-A-Q list/ or /fak list/ [USENET] n. A compendium
   of accumulated lore, posted periodically to high-volume newsgroups
   in an attempt to forestall Frequently Asked Questions.  This
   lexicon itself serves as a good example of a collection of one kind
   of lore, although it is far too big for a regular posting.
   Examples: "What is the proper type of NULL?"  and "What's that
   funny name for the `#' character?" are both Frequently Asked
   Questions.  Several extant FAQ lists do (or should) make reference
   to the Jargon File (the on-line version of this lexicon).
%%
:farming: [Adelaide University, Australia] n. What the heads of a
   disk drive are said to do when they plow little furrows in the
   magnetic media.  Associated with a {crash}.  Typically used as
   follows: "Oh no, the machine has just crashed; I hope the hard
   drive hasn't gone {farming} again."
%%
:fascist: adj. 1. Said of a computer system with excessive or
   annoying security barriers, usage limits, or access policies.  The
   implication is that said policies are preventing hackers from
   getting interesting work done.  The variant `fascistic' seems
   to have been preferred at MIT, poss. by analogy with
   `touristic' (see {tourist}).  2. In the design of languages
   and other software tools, `the fascist alternative' is the most
   restrictive and structured way of capturing a particular function;
   the implication is that this may be desirable in order to simplify
   the implementation or provide tighter error checking.  Compare
   {bondage-and-discipline language}, but that term is global rather
   than local.
%%
:fat electrons: n. Old-time hacker David Cargill's theory on the
   causation of computer glitches.  Your typical electric utility
   draws its line current out of the big generators with a pair of
   coil taps located near the top of the dynamo.  When the normal tap
   brushes get dirty, they take them off line to clean up, and use
   special auxiliary taps on the *bottom* of the coil.  Now,
   this is a problem, because when they do that they get not ordinary
   or `thin' electrons, but the fat'n'sloppy electrons that are
   heavier and so settle to the bottom of the generator.  These flow
   down ordinary wires just fine, but when they have to turn a sharp
   corner (as in an integrated-circuit via) they're apt to get stuck.
   This is what causes computer glitches.  [Fascinating.  Obviously,
   fat electrons must gain mass by {bogon} absorption --- ESR]
   Compare {bogon}, {magic smoke}.
%%
:faulty: adj. Non-functional; buggy.  Same denotation as
   {bletcherous}, {losing}, q.v., but the connotation is much
   milder.
%%
:fd leak: /F-D leek/ n. A kind of programming bug analogous to a
   {core leak}, in which a program fails to close file descriptors
   (`fd's) after file operations are completed, and thus eventually
   runs out of them.  See {leak}.
%%
:fear and loathing: [from Hunter Thompson] n. A state inspired by the
   prospect of dealing with certain real-world systems and standards
   that are totally {brain-damaged} but ubiquitous --- Intel 8086s,
   or {COBOL}, or {{EBCDIC}}, or any {IBM} machine except the
   Rios (a.k.a.  the RS/6000).  "Ack!  They want PCs to be able to
   talk to the AI machine.  Fear and loathing time!"
%%
:feature: n. 1. A good property or behavior (as of a program). Whether it was
intended or not is immaterial. 2. An intended property or behavior (as of a 
program). Whether it is good or not is immaterial (but if bad, it is also a
{misfeature}). 3. A surprising property or behavior; in particular, one that is
purposely inconsistent because it works better that way - such an inconsistency
is therefore a {feature} and not a {bug}. This kind of feature is sometimes 
called a {miswart}; see that entry for a classic example. 4. A property or
behavior that is gratuitous or unnecessary, though perhaps also impressive or 
cute. For example, one feature of Common LISP's `format' function is the 
ability to print numbers in two different Roman-numeral formats (see {bells,
whistles, and gongs}). 5. A property or behavior that was put in to help
someone else but that happens to be in your way. 6. A bug that has been 
documented. To call something a feature sometimes means the author of the
program did not consider the particular case, and that the program responded in
a way that was unexpected but not strictly incorrect. A standard joke is that a
bug can be turned into a {feature} simply by documenting it (then theoretically
no one can complain about it because it's in the manual), or even by simply
declaring it to be good. "That's not a bug, that's a feature!" is a common
catchphrase. See also {feetch feetch}, {creeping featurism}, {wart}, {green
lightning}.
The relationship among bugs, features, misfeatures, warts, and miswarts might
be clarified by the following hypothetical exchange between two hackers on an
airliner:
A: "This seat doesn't recline."
B: "That's not a bug, that's a feature. There is an emergency exit door built
    around the window behind you, and the route has to be kept clear."
A: "Oh. Then it's a misfeature; they should have increased the spacing between
    rows here."
B: "Yes. But if they'd increased spacing in only one section it would have been
    a wart --- they would've had to make nonstandard-length ceiling panels to
        fit over the displaced seats."
A: "A miswart, actually. If they increased spacing throughout they'd lose 
    several rows and a chunk out of the profit margin. So unequal spacing would
        actually be the Right Thing."
B: "Indeed."
   `Undocumented feature' is a common, allegedly humorous euphemism for a {bug}.
%%
:feature creature: [poss. fr. slang `creature feature' for a
   horror movie] n. 1. One who loves to add features to designs or
   programs, perhaps at the expense of coherence, concision, or
   {taste}.  2. Alternately, a semi-mythical being that induces
   otherwise rational programmers to perpetrate such crocks.  See also
   {feeping creaturism}, {creeping featurism}.
%%
:feature key: n. The Macintosh key with the cloverleaf graphic on
   its keytop; sometimes referred to as `flower', `pretzel',
   `clover', `propeller', `beanie' (an apparent reference to the
   major feature of a propeller beanie), {splat}, or the `command
   key'.  The Mac's equivalent of an {alt} key.  The proliferation
   of terms for this creature may illustrate one subtle peril of
   iconic interfaces.

   Many people have been mystified by the cloverleaf-like symbol that
   appears on the feature key.  Its oldest name is `cross of St.
   Hannes', but it occurs in pre-Christian Viking art as a decorative
   motif.  Throughout Scandinavia today the road agencies use it to
   mark sites of historical interest.  Many of these are old churches;
   hence, the Swedish idiom for the symbol is `kyrka', cognate to
   English `church' and Scots-dialect `kirk' but pronounced
   /shir'k*/ in modern Swedish.  This is in fact where Apple got the
   symbol; they give the translation "interesting feature"!
%%
:feature shock: [from Alvin Toffler's book title `Future
   Shock'] n.  A user's (or programmer's!) confusion when confronted
   with a package that has too many features and poor introductory
   material.
%%
:featurectomy: /fee`ch*r-ek't*-mee/ n. The act of removing a
   feature from a program.  Featurectomies come in two flavors, the
   `righteous' and the `reluctant'.  Righteous featurectomies are
   performed because the remover believes the program would be more
   elegant without the feature, or there is already an equivalent and
   better way to achieve the same end.  (This is not quite the same
   thing as removing a {misfeature}.)  Reluctant featurectomies are
   performed to satisfy some external constraint such as code size or
   execution speed.
%%
:feep: /feep/ 1. n. The soft electronic `bell' sound of a
   display terminal (except for a VT-52); a beep (in fact, the
   microcomputer world seems to prefer {beep}).  2. vi. To cause
   the display to make a feep sound.  ASR-33s (the original TTYs) do
   not feep; they have mechanical bells that ring.  Alternate forms:
   {beep}, `bleep', or just about anything suitably
   onomatopoeic.  (Jeff MacNelly, in his comic strip "Shoe", uses
   the word `eep' for sounds made by computer terminals and video
   games; this is perhaps the closest written approximation yet.)  The
   term `breedle' was sometimes heard at SAIL, where the terminal
   bleepers are not particularly soft (they sound more like the
   musical equivalent of a raspberry or Bronx cheer; for a close
   approximation, imagine the sound of a Star Trek communicator's beep
   lasting for 5 seconds).  The `feeper' on a VT-52 has been
   compared to the sound of a '52 Chevy stripping its gears.  See also
   {ding}.
%%
:feeper: /fee'pr/ n. The device in a terminal or workstation (usually
   a loudspeaker of some kind) that makes the {feep} sound.
%%
:feeping creature: [from {feeping creaturism}] n. An unnecessary
   feature; a bit of {chrome} that, in the speaker's judgment, is
   the camel's nose for a whole horde of new features.
%%
:feeping creaturism: /fee'ping kree`ch*r-izm/ n. A deliberate
   spoonerism for {creeping featurism}, meant to imply that the
   system or program in question has become a misshapen creature of
   hacks.  This term isn't really well defined, but it sounds so neat
   that most hackers have said or heard it.  It is probably reinforced
   by an image of terminals prowling about in the dark making their
   customary noises.
%%
:feetch feetch: /feech feech/ interj. If someone tells you about
   some new improvement to a program, you might respond: "Feetch,
   feetch!"  The meaning of this depends critically on vocal
   inflection.  With enthusiasm, it means something like "Boy, that's
   great!  What a great hack!"  Grudgingly or with obvious doubt, it
   means "I don't know; it sounds like just one more unnecessary and
   complicated thing".  With a tone of resignation, it means, "Well,
   I'd rather keep it simple, but I suppose it has to be done".
%%
:fence: n. 1. A sequence of one or more distinguished
   ({out-of-band}) characters (or other data items), used to
   delimit a piece of data intended to be treated as a unit (the
   computer-science literature calls this a `sentinel').  The NUL
   (ASCII 0000000) character that terminates strings in C is a fence.
   Hex FF is also (though slightly less frequently) used this way.
   See {zigamorph}.  2. [among users of optimizing compilers] Any
   technique, usually exploiting knowledge about the compiler, that
   blocks certain optimizations.  Used when explicit mechanisms are
   not available or are overkill.  Typically a hack: "I call a dummy
   procedure there to force a flush of the optimizer's
   register-coloring info" can be expressed by the shorter "That's a
   fence procedure".
%%
:fencepost error: n. 1. A problem with the discrete equivalent of a
   boundary condition.  Often exhibited in programs by iterative
   loops.  From the following problem: "If you build a fence 100 feet
   long with posts 10 feet apart, how many posts do you need?"
   Either 9 or 11 is a better answer than the obvious 10.  For
   example, suppose you have a long list or array of items, and want
   to process items m through n; how many items are there?  The
   obvious answer is n - m, but that is off by one; the right
   answer is n - m + 1.  A program that used the `obvious'
   formula would have a fencepost error in it.  See also {zeroth}
   and {off-by-one error}, and note that not all off-by-one errors
   are fencepost errors.  The game of Musical Chairs involves a
   catastrophic off-by-one error where N people try to sit in
   N - 1 chairs, but it's not a fencepost error.  Fencepost
   errors come from counting things rather than the spaces between
   them, or vice versa, or by neglecting to consider whether one
   should count one or both ends of a row.  2. Occasionally, an error
   induced by unexpectedly regular spacing of inputs, which can (for
   instance) screw up your hash table.
%%
:fepped out: /fept owt/ adj. The Symbolics 3600 Lisp Machine has a
   Front-End Processor called a `FEP' (compare sense 2 of {box}).
   When the main processor gets {wedged}, the FEP takes control of
   the keyboard and screen.  Such a machine is said to have
   `fepped out'.
%%
:FidoNet: n. A worldwide hobbyist network of personal computers
   which exchange mail, discussion groups, and files.  Founded in 1984
   and originally consisting only of IBM PCs and compatibles, FidoNet
   now includes such diverse machines as Apple ][s, Ataris, Amigas,
   and UNIX systems.  Though it is much younger than {USENET},
   FidoNet is already (in early 1991) a significant fraction of
   USENET's size at some 8000 systems.
%%
:field circus: [a derogatory pun on `field service'] n. The field
   service organization of any hardware manufacturer, but especially
   DEC.  There is an entire genre of jokes about DEC field circus
   engineers:

     Q: How can you recognize a DEC field circus engineer with a flat tire?
     A: He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat.

     Q: How can you recognize a DEC field circus engineer who is out of gas?
     A: He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat.

   [See {Easter egging} for additional insight on these jokes.]
 
   There is also the `Field Circus Cheer' (from the {plan file} for
   DEC on MIT-AI):

     Maynard! Maynard!
     Don't mess with us!
     We're mean and we're tough!
     If you get us confused
     We'll screw up your stuff.

   (DEC's service HQ is located in Maynard, Massachusetts.)
%%
:field servoid: [play on `android'] /fee'ld ser'voyd/ n.
   Representative of a field service organization (see {field
   circus}).  This has many of the implications of {droid}.
%%
:Fight-o-net: [FidoNet] n. Deliberate distortion of {FidoNet},
   often applied after a flurry of {flamage} in a particular
   {echo}, especially the SYSOP echo or Fidonews (see {'Snooze}).
%%
:File Attach: [FidoNet] 1. n. A file sent along with a mail message
   from one BBS to another.  2. vt. Sending someone a file by using
   the File Attach option in a BBS mailer.
%%
:File Request: [FidoNet] 1. n. The {FidoNet} equivalent of
   {FTP}, in which one BBS system automatically dials another and
   {snarf}s one or more files.  Often abbreviated `FReq'; files
   are often announced as being "available for FReq" in the same way
   that files are announced as being "available for/by anonymous
   FTP" on the Internet.  2. vt. The act of getting a copy of a file
   by using the File Request option of the BBS mailer.
%%
:file signature: n. A {magic number} sense 3.
%%
:filk: /filk/ [from SF fandom, where a typo for `folk' was
   adopted as a new word] n.,v. A `filk' is a popular or folk song
   with lyrics revised or completely new lyrics, intended for humorous
   effect when read and/or to be sung late at night at SF conventions.
   There is a flourishing subgenre of these called `computer filks',
   written by hackers and often containing rather sophisticated
   technical humor.  See {double bucky} for an example.  Compare
   {hing} and {newsfroup}.
%%
:film at 11: [MIT: in parody of TV newscasters] 1. Used in
   conversation to announce ordinary events, with a sarcastic
   implication that these events are earth-shattering.  "{{ITS}}
   crashes; film at 11."  "Bug found in scheduler; film at 11."
   2. Also widely used outside MIT to indicate that additional
   information will be available at some future time, *without*
   the implication of anything particularly ordinary about the
   referenced event.  For example, "The mail file server died this
   morning; we found garbage all over the root directory.  Film at
   11." would indicate that a major failure had occurred but the
   people working on it have no additional information about it.  Use
   of the phrase in this way suggests gently people would appreciate
   it if users would quit bothering them and wait for the 11:00 news
   for additional information.
%%
:filter: [orig. {{UNIX}}, now also in {{MS-DOS}}] n. A program that
   processes an input data stream into an output data stream in some
   well-defined way, and does no I/O to anywhere else except possibly
   on error conditions; one designed to be used as a stage in a
   `pipeline' (see {plumbing}).
%%
:Finagle's Law: n. The generalized or `folk' version of
   {Murphy's Law}, fully named "Finagle's Law of Dynamic
   Negatives" and usually rendered "Anything that can go wrong,
   will".  One variant favored among hackers is "The perversity of
   the Universe tends towards a maximum" (but see also {Hanlon's
   Razor}).  The label `Finagle's Law' was popularized by SF author
   Larry Niven in several stories depicting a frontier culture of
   asteroid miners; this `Belter' culture professed a religion
   and/or running joke involving the worship of the dread god Finagle
   and his mad prophet Murphy.
%%
:fine: [WPI] adj. Good, but not good enough to be {cuspy}.  The word
   `fine' is used elsewhere, of course, but without the implicit
   comparison to the higher level implied by {cuspy}.
%%
:finger: [WAITS, via BSD UNIX] 1. n. A program that displays a
   particular user or all users logged on the system or a remote
   system.  Typically shows full name, last login time, idle time,
   terminal line, and terminal location (where applicable).  May also
   display a {plan file} left by the user.  2. vt. To apply finger
   to a username.  3. vt. By extension, to check a human's current
   state by any means.  "Foodp?"  "T!"  "OK, finger Lisa and see
   if she's idle."  4. Any picture (composed of ASCII characters)
   depicting `the finger'.  Originally a humorous component of one's
   plan file to deter the curious fingerer (sense 2), it has entered
   the arsenal of some {flamer}s.
%%
:finger-pointing syndrome: n. All-too-frequent result of bugs, esp.
   in new or experimental configurations.  The hardware vendor points
   a finger at the software.  The software vendor points a finger
   at the hardware.  All the poor users get is the finger.
%%
:finn: [IRC] v.  To pull rank on somebody based on the amount of
   time one has spent on {IRC}.  The term derives from the fact
   that IRC was originally written in Finland in 1987.
%%
:firebottle: n. A large, primitive, power-hungry active electrical
   device, similar in function to a FET but constructed out of glass,
   metal, and vacuum.  Characterized by high cost, low density, low
   reliability, high-temperature operation, and high power
   dissipation.  Sometimes mistakenly called a `tube' in the U.S.
   or a `valve' in England; another hackish term is {glassfet}.
%%
:firefighting: n. 1. What sysadmins have to do to correct sudden
   operational problems.  An opposite of hacking.  "Been hacking your
   new newsreader?"  "No, a power glitch hosed the network and I spent
   the whole afternoon fighting fires."  2. The act of throwing lots
   of manpower and late nights at a project, esp. to get it out
   before deadline.  See also {gang bang}, {Mongolian Hordes
   technique}; however, the term `firefighting' connotes that the
   effort is going into chasing bugs rather than adding features.
%%
:firehose syndrome: n. In mainstream folklore it is observed that
   trying to drink from a firehose can be a good way to rip your lips
   off.  On computer networks, the absence or failure of flow control
   mechanisms can lead to situations in which the sending system
   sprays a massive flood of packets at an unfortunate receiving
   system; more than it can handle.  Compare {overrun}, {buffer
   overflow}.
%%
:firewall code: n. The code you put in a system (say, a telephone
   switch) to make sure that the users can't do any damage. Since
   users always want to be able to do everything but never want to
   suffer for any mistakes, the construction of a firewall is a
   question not only of defensive coding but also of interface
   presentation, so that users don't even get curious about those
   corners of a system where they can burn themselves.
%%
:firewall machine: n. A dedicated gateway machine with special
   security precautions on it, used to service outside network
   connections and dial-in lines.  The idea is to protect a cluster of
   more loosely administered machines hidden behind it from
   {cracker}s.  The typical firewall is an inexpensive micro-based
   UNIX box kept clean of critical data, with a bunch of modems and
   public network ports on it but just one carefully watched
   connection back to the rest of the cluster.  The special
   precautions may include threat monitoring, callback, and even a
   complete {iron box} keyable to particular incoming IDs or
   activity patterns.  Syn. {flytrap}, {Venus flytrap}.
%%
:fireworks mode: n. The mode a machine is sometimes said to be in when
   it is performing a {crash and burn} operation.
%%
:firmy: /fer'mee/ Syn. {stiffy} (a 3.5-inch floppy disk).
%%
:fish: [Adelaide University, Australia] n. 1. Another {metasyntactic
   variable}.  See {foo}.  Derived originally from the Monty Python
   skit in the middle of "The Meaning of Life" entitled
   "Find the Fish".  2. A pun for `microfiche'.  A microfiche
   file cabinet may be referred to as a `fish tank'.
%%
:FISH queue: [acronym, by analogy with FIFO (First In, First Out)]
   n. `First In, Still Here'.  A joking way of pointing out that
   processing of a particular sequence of events or requests has
   stopped dead.  Also `FISH mode' and `FISHnet'; the latter
   may be applied to any network that is running really slowly or
   exhibiting extreme flakiness.
%%
:FITNR: // [Thinking Machines, Inc.] Fixed In the Next Release.
   A written-only notation attached to bug reports.  Often wishful
   thinking.
%%
:fix: n.,v. What one does when a problem has been reported too many
   times to be ignored.
%%
:flag: n. A variable or quantity that can take on one of two
   values; a bit, particularly one that is used to indicate one of two
   outcomes or is used to control which of two things is to be done.
   "This flag controls whether to clear the screen before printing
   the message."  "The program status word contains several flag
   bits."  Used of humans analogously to {bit}.  See also
   {hidden flag}, {mode bit}.
%%
:flag day: n. A software change that is neither forward- nor
   backward-compatible, and which is costly to make and costly to
   reverse.  "Can we install that without causing a flag day for all
   users?"  This term has nothing to do with the use of the word
   {flag} to mean a variable that has two values.  It came into use
   when a massive change was made to the {{Multics}} timesharing
   system to convert from the old ASCII code to the new one; this was
   scheduled for Flag Day (a U.S. holiday), June 14, 1966.  See also
   {backward combatability}.
%%
:flaky: adj. (var sp. `flakey') Subject to frequent {lossage}.
   This use is of course related to the common slang use of the word
   to describe a person as eccentric, crazy, or just unreliable.  A
   system that is flaky is working, sort of --- enough that you are
   tempted to try to use it --- but fails frequently enough that the
   odds in favor of finishing what you start are low.  Commonwealth
   hackish prefers {dodgy} or {wonky}.
%%
:flamage: /flay'm*j/ n. Flaming verbiage, esp. high-noise,
   low-signal postings to {USENET} or other electronic {fora}.
   Often in the phrase `the usual flamage'.  `Flaming' is the act
   itself; `flamage' the content; a `flame' is a single flaming
   message.  See {flame}.
%%
:flame: 1. vi. To post an email message intended to insult and provoke. 2. vi.
   To speak incessantly and/or rabidly on some relatively uninteresting subject
   or with a patently ridiculous attitude. 3. vt. Either of senses 1 or 2,
   directed with hostility at a particular person or people. 4. n. An
   instance of flaming. When a discussion degenerates into useless controversy,
   one might tell the participants "Now you're just flaming" or "Stop all that
   flamage!" to try to get them to cool down (so to speak).
%%
:flame bait: n. A posting intended to trigger a {flame war}, or one
   that invites flames in reply.
%%
:flame on: vi.,interj.  1. To begin to {flame}.  The punning
   reference to Marvel Comics's Human Torch is no longer widely
   recognized.  2. To continue to flame.  See {rave}, {burble}.
%%
:flame war: n. (var. `flamewar') An acrimonious dispute,
   especially when conducted on a public electronic forum such as
   {USENET}.
%%
:flamer: n. One who habitually {flame}s.  Said esp. of obnoxious
   {USENET} personalities.
%%
:flap: vt. 1. To unload a DECtape (so it goes flap, flap,
   flap...).  Old-time hackers at MIT tell of the days when the
   disk was device 0 and {microtape}s were 1, 2,... and
   attempting to flap device 0 would instead start a motor banging
   inside a cabinet near the disk.  2. By extension, to unload any
   magnetic tape.  See also {macrotape}.  Modern cartridge tapes no
   longer actually flap, but the usage has remained.  (The term could
   well be re-applied to DEC's TK50 cartridge tape drive, a
   spectacularly misengineered contraption which makes a loud flapping
   sound, almost like an old reel-type lawnmower, in one of its many
   tape-eating failure modes.)
%%
:flarp: /flarp/ [Rutgers University] n. Yet another {metasyntactic
   variable} (see {foo}).  Among those who use it, it is associated
   with a legend that any program not containing the word `flarp'
   somewhere will not work.  The legend is discreetly silent on the
   reliability of programs which *do* contain the magic word.
%%
:flat: adj. 1. Lacking any complex internal structure.  "That
   {bitty box} has only a flat filesystem, not a hierarchical
   one."  The verb form is {flatten}.  2. Said of a memory
   architecture (like that of the VAX or 680x0) that is one big linear
   address space (typically with each possible value of a processor
   register corresponding to a unique core address), as opposed to a
   `segmented' architecture (like that of the 80x86) in which
   addresses are composed from a base-register/offset pair (segmented
   designs are generally considered {cretinous}).
  
   Note that sense 1 (at least with respect to filesystems) is usually
   used pejoratively, while sense 2 is a {Good Thing}.
%%
:flat-ASCII: adj. Said of a text file that contains only 7-bit ASCII
   characters and uses only ASCII-standard control characters (that
   is, has no embedded codes specific to a particular text formatter
   or markup language, and no {meta}-characters).  Syn.
   {plain-ASCII}.  Compare {flat-file}.
%%
:flat-file: adj. A {flatten}ed representation of some database or
   tree or network structure as a single file from which the
   structure could implicitly be rebuilt, esp. one in {flat-ASCII}
   form.
%%
:flatten: vt. To remove structural information, esp. to filter
   something with an implicit tree structure into a simple sequence of
   leaves; also tends to imply mapping to {flat-ASCII}.  "This code
   flattens an expression with parentheses into an equivalent
   {canonical} form."
%%
:flavor: n. 1. Variety, type, kind.  "DDT commands come in two
   flavors."  "These lights come in two flavors, big red ones and
   small green ones."  See {vanilla}.  2. The attribute that causes
   something to be {flavorful}.  Usually used in the phrase "yields
   additional flavor".  "This convention yields additional flavor by
   allowing one to print text either right-side-up or upside-down."
   See {vanilla}.  This usage was certainly reinforced by the
   terminology of quantum chromodynamics, in which quarks (the
   constituents of, e.g., protons) come in six flavors (up, down,
   strange, charm, top, bottom) and three colors (red, blue, green)
   --- however, hackish use of `flavor' at MIT predated QCD.  3. The
   term for `class' (in the object-oriented sense) in the LISP Machine
   Flavors system.  Though the Flavors design has been superseded
   (notably by the Common LISP CLOS facility), the term `flavor' is
   still used as a general synonym for `class' by some LISP hackers.
%%
:flavorful: adj. Full of {flavor}; esthetically pleasing.  See
   {random} and {losing} for antonyms.  See also the entries for
   {taste} and {elegant}.
%%
:flippy: /flip'ee/ n. A single-sided floppy disk altered for
   double-sided use by addition of a second write-notch, so called
   because it must be flipped over for the second side to be
   accessible.  No longer common.
%%
:flood: [IRC] v.  To dump large amounts of text onto an {IRC}
   channel.  This is especially rude when the text is uninteresting
   and the other users are trying to carry on a serious conversation.
%%
:flowchart:: [techspeak] n. An archaic form of visual control-flow
   specification employing arrows and `speech balloons' of various
   shapes.  Hackers never use flowcharts, consider them extremely
   silly, and associate them with {COBOL} programmers, {card
   walloper}s, and other lower forms of life.  This is because (from a
   hacker's point of view) they are no easier to read than code, are
   less precise, and tend to fall out of sync with the code (so that
   they either obfuscate it rather than explaining it or require
   extra maintenance effort that doesn't improve the code).  See also
   {pdl}, sense 3.
%%
:flower key: [Mac users] n. See {feature key}.
%%
:flush: v. 1. To delete something, usually superfluous, or to abort
   an operation.  "All that nonsense has been flushed."  2. [UNIX/C]
   To force buffered I/O to disk, as with an `fflush(3)' call.
   This is *not* an abort or deletion as in sense 1, but a
   demand for early completion!  3. To leave at the end of a day's
   work (as opposed to leaving for a meal).  "I'm going to flush
   now."  "Time to flush."  4. To exclude someone from an activity,
   or to ignore a person.

   `Flush' was standard ITS terminology for aborting an output
   operation; one spoke of the text that would have been printed, but
   was not, as having been flushed.  It is speculated that this term
   arose from a vivid image of flushing unwanted characters by hosing
   down the internal output buffer, washing the characters away before
   they can be printed.  The UNIX/C usage, on the other hand, was
   propagated by the `fflush(3)' call in C's standard I/O library
   (though it is reported to have been in use among BLISS programmers
   at DEC and on Honeywell and IBM machines as far back as 1965).
   UNIX/C hackers find the ITS usage confusing, and vice versa.
%%
:flypage: /fli: payj/n. (alt. `fly page') A {banner}, sense 1.
%%
:Flyspeck 3: n. Standard name for any font that is so tiny as to be
   unreadable (by analogy with such names as `Helvetica 10' for
   10-point Helvetica).  Legal boilerplate is usually printed in
   Flyspeck 3.
%%
:flytrap: n. See {firewall machine}.
%%
:FM: n. *Not* `Frequency Modulation' but rather an
   abbreviation for `Fucking Manual', the back-formation from
   {RTFM}. Used to refer to the manual itself in the {RTFM}.
   "Have you seen the Networking FM lately?"
%%
:FOAF: // [USENET] n. Acronym for `Friend Of A Friend'.  The
   source of an unverified, possibly untrue story.  This was not
   originated by hackers (it is used in Jan Brunvand's books on urban
   folklore), but is much better recognized on USENET and elsewhere
   than in mainstream English.
%%
:FOD: /fod/ v. [Abbreviation for `Finger of Death', originally a
   spell-name from fantasy gaming] To terminate with extreme prejudice
   and with no regard for other people.  From {MUD}s where the
   wizard command `FOD <player>' results in the immediate and total
   death of <player>, usually as punishment for obnoxious behavior.
   This migrated to other circumstances, such as "I'm going to fod
   the process that is burning all the cycles."  Compare {gun}.

   In aviation, FOD means Foreign Object Damage, e.g., what happens
   when a jet engine sucks up a rock on the runway or a bird in
   flight.  Finger of Death is a distressingly apt description of
   what this does to the engine.
%%
:fold case: v. See {smash case}.  This term tends to be used
   more by people who don't mind that their tools smash case.  It also
   connotes that case is ignored but case distinctions in data
   processed by the tool in question aren't destroyed.
%%
:followup: n. On USENET, a {posting} generated in response to
   another posting (as opposed to a {reply}, which goes by email
   rather than being broadcast).  Followups include the ID of the
   {parent message} in their headers; smart news-readers can use
   this information to present USENET news in `conversation' sequence
   rather than order-of-arrival.  See {thread}.
%%
:fontology: [XEROX PARC] n. The body of knowledge dealing with the
   construction and use of new fonts (e.g. for window systems and
   typesetting software).  It has been said that fontology
   recapitulates file-ogeny.

   [Unfortunately, this reference to the embryological dictum that
   "Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny" is not merely a joke.  On the
   Macintosh, for example, System 7 has to go through contortions to
   compensate for an earlier design error that created a whole
   different set of abstractions for fonts parallel to `files' and
   `folders' --- ESR]
%%
:foobar: n. Another common {metasyntactic variable}; see {foo}.
   Hackers do *not* generally use this to mean {FUBAR} in
   either the slang or jargon sense.
%%
:fool: n. As used by hackers, specifically describes a person who
   habitually reasons from obviously or demonstrably incorrect
   premises and cannot be persuaded by evidence to do otherwise; it is
   not generally used in its other senses, i.e., to describe a person
   with a native incapacity to reason correctly, or a clown.  Indeed,
   in hackish experience many fools are capable of reasoning all too
   effectively in executing their errors.  See also {cretin},
   {loser}, {fool file, the}.
%%
:fool file, the: [USENET] n. A notional repository of all the most
   dramatically and abysmally stupid utterances ever.  There is a
   subgenre of {sig block}s that consists of the header "From the
   fool file:" followed by some quote the poster wishes to represent
   as an immortal gem of dimwittery; for this to be really effective,
   the quote has to be so obviously wrong as to be laughable.  More
   than one USENETter has achieved an unwanted notoriety by being
   quoted in this way.
%%
:Foonly: n. 1. The {PDP-10} successor that was to have been built by
   the Super Foonly project at the Stanford Artificial Intelligence
   Laboratory along with a new operating system.  The intention was to
   leapfrog from the old DEC timesharing system SAIL was running to a
   new generation, bypassing TENEX which at that time was the ARPANET
   standard.  ARPA funding for both the Super Foonly and the new
   operating system was cut in 1974.  Most of the design team went to
   DEC and contributed greatly to the design of the PDP-10 model KL10.
   2. The name of the company formed by Dave Poole, one of the
   principal Super Foonly designers, and one of hackerdom's more
   colorful personalities.  Many people remember the parrot which sat
   on Poole's shoulder and was a regular companion.  3. Any of the
   machines built by Poole's company.  The first was the F-1 (a.k.a.
   Super Foonly), which was the computational engine used to create
   the graphics in the movie "TRON".  The F-1 was the fastest
   PDP-10 ever built, but only one was ever made.  The effort drained
   Foonly of its financial resources, and they turned towards building
   smaller, slower, and much less expensive machines.  Unfortunately,
   these ran not the popular {TOPS-20} but a TENEX variant called
   Foonex; this seriously limited their market.  Also, the machines
   shipped were actually wire-wrapped engineering prototypes requiring
   individual attention from more than usually competent site
   personnel, and thus had significant reliability problems.  Poole's
   legendary temper and unwillingness to suffer fools gladly did not
   help matters.  By the time of the Jupiter project cancellation in
   1983 Foonly's proposal to build another F-1 was eclipsed by the
   {Mars}, and the company never quite recovered.  See the
   {Mars} entry for the continuation and moral of this story.
%%
:footprint: n. 1. The floor or desk area taken up by a piece of
   hardware.  2. [IBM] The audit trail (if any) left by a crashed
   program (often in plural, `footprints').  See also
   {toeprint}.
%%
:for free: adj. Said of a capability of a programming language or
   hardware equipment that is available by its design without needing
   cleverness to implement: "In APL, we get the matrix operations for
   free."  "And owing to the way revisions are stored in this
   system, you get revision trees for free."  Usually it refers to a
   serendipitous feature of doing things a certain way (compare
   {big win}), but it may refer to an intentional but secondary
   feature.
%%
:for the rest of us: [from the Mac slogan "The computer for the
   rest of us"] adj. 1. Used to describe a {spiffy} product whose
   affordability shames other comparable products, or (more often)
   used sarcastically to describe {spiffy} but very overpriced
   products.  2. Describes a program with a limited interface,
   deliberately limited capabilities, non-orthogonality, inability to
   compose primitives, or any other limitation designed to not
   `confuse' a na"ive user.  This places an upper bound on how far
   that user can go before the program begins to get in the way of the
   task instead of helping accomplish it.  Used in reference to
   Macintosh software which doesn't provide obvious capabilities
   because it is thought that the poor lusers might not be able to
   handle them.  Becomes `the rest of *them*' when used in
   third-party reference; thus, "Yes, it is an attractive program,
   but it's designed for The Rest Of Them" means a program that
   superficially looks neat but has no depth beyond the surface flash.
   See also {WIMP environment}, {Macintrash},
   {point-and-drool interface}, {user-friendly}.
%%
:for values of: [MIT] A common rhetorical maneuver at MIT is to use
   any of the canonical {random numbers} as placeholders for
   variables.  "The max function takes 42 arguments, for arbitrary
   values of 42."  "There are 69 ways to leave your lover, for
   69 = 50."  This is especially likely when the speaker has uttered
   a random number and realizes that it was not recognized as such,
   but even `non-random' numbers are occasionally used in this
   fashion.  A related joke is that pi equals 3 --- for
   small values of pi and large values of 3.

   Historical note: this usage probably derives from the programming
   language MAD (Michigan Algorithm Decoder), an Algol-like language
   that was the most common choice among mainstream (non-hacker) users
   at MIT in the mid-60s.  It had a control structure FOR VALUES OF X
   = 3, 7, 99 DO ... that would repeat the indicated instructions for
   each value in the list (unlike the usual FOR that only works for
   arithmetic sequences of values).  MAD is long extinct, but similar
   for-constructs still flourish (e.g. in UNIX's shell languages).
%%
:fora: pl.n. Plural of {forum}.
%%
:foreground: [UNIX] vt. To foreground a task is to bring it to
   the top of one's {stack} for immediate processing, and hackers
   often use it in this sense for non-computer tasks. "If your
   presentation is due next week, I guess I'd better foreground
   writing up the design document."

   Technically, on a time-sharing system, a task executing in
   foreground is one able to accept input from and return output to
   the user; oppose {background}.  Nowadays this term is primarily
   associated with {{UNIX}}, but it appears first to have been used
   in this sense on OS/360.  Normally, there is only one foreground
   task per terminal (or terminal window); having multiple processes
   simultaneously reading the keyboard is a good way to {lose}.
%%
:fork bomb: [UNIX] n.  A particular species of {wabbit} that can
   be written in one line of C (`main() {for(;;)fork();}') or shell
   (`$0 & $0 &') on any UNIX system, or occasionally created by an
   egregious coding bug.  A fork bomb process `explodes' by
   recursively spawning copies of itself (using the UNIX system call
   `fork(2)').  Eventually it eats all the process table entries
   and effectively wedges the system.  Fortunately, fork bombs are
   relatively easy to spot and kill, so creating one deliberately
   seldom accomplishes more than to bring the just wrath of the gods
   down upon the perpetrator.  See also {logic bomb}.
%%
:forked: [UNIX; prob. influenced by a mainstream expletive] adj.
   Terminally slow, or dead.  Originated when one system was slowed to
   a snail's pace by an inadvertent {fork bomb}.
%%
:Fortrash: /for'trash/ n. Hackerism for the FORTRAN language,
   referring to its primitive design, gross and irregular syntax,
   limited control constructs, and slippery, exception-filled
   semantics.
%%
:fortune cookie: [WAITS, via UNIX] n. A random quote, item of
   trivia, joke, or maxim printed to the user's tty at login time or
   (less commonly) at logout time.  Items from this lexicon have often
   been used as fortune cookies.  See {cookie file}.
%%
:forum: n. [USENET, GEnie, CI$; pl. `fora' or `forums'] Any
   discussion group accessible through a dial-in {BBS}, a
   {mailing list}, or a {newsgroup} (see {network, the}).  A
   forum functions much like a bulletin board; users submit
   {posting}s for all to read and discussion ensues.  Contrast
   real-time chat via {talk mode} or point-to-point personal
   {email}.
%%
:fossil: n. 1. In software, a misfeature that becomes
   understandable only in historical context, as a remnant of times
   past retained so as not to break compatibility.  Example: the
   retention of octal as default base for string escapes in {C}, in
   spite of the better match of hexadecimal to ASCII and modern
   byte-addressable architectures.  See {dusty deck}.  2. More
   restrictively, a feature with past but no present utility.
   Example: the force-all-caps (LCASE) bits in the V7 and {BSD}
   UNIX tty driver, designed for use with monocase terminals.  In a
   perversion of the usual backward-compatibility goal, this
   functionality has actually been expanded and renamed in some later
   {USG UNIX} releases as the IUCLC and OLCUC bits.  3. The FOSSIL
   (Fido/Opus/Seadog Standard Interface Level) driver specification
   for serial-port access to replace the {brain-dead} routines in
   the IBM PC ROMs.  Fossils are used by most MS-DOS {BBS} software
   in preference to the `supported' ROM routines, which do not support
   interrupt-driven operation or setting speeds above 9600; the use of
   a semistandard FOSSIL library is preferable to the {bare metal}
   serial port programming otherwise required.  Since the FOSSIL
   specification allows additional functionality to be hooked in,
   drivers that use the {hook} but do not provide serial-port
   access themselves are named with a modifier, as in `video
   fossil'.
%%
:four-color glossies: 1. Literature created by {marketroid}s
   that allegedly contains technical specs but which is in fact as
   superficial as possible without being totally {content-free}.
   "Forget the four-color glossies, give me the tech ref manuals."
   Often applied as an indication of superficiality even when the
   material is printed on ordinary paper in black and white.
   Four-color-glossy manuals are *never* useful for finding a
   problem.  2. [rare] Applied by extension to manual pages that don't
   contain enough information to diagnose why the program doesn't
   produce the expected or desired output.
%%
:fragile: adj. Syn {brittle}.
%%
:fred: n. 1. The personal name most frequently used as a
   {metasyntactic variable} (see {foo}).  Allegedly popular
   because it's easy for a non-touch-typist to type on a standard
   QWERTY keyboard.  Unlike {J. Random Hacker} or `J. Random
   Loser', this name has no positive or negative loading (but see
   {Mbogo, Dr. Fred}).  See also {barney}.  2. An acronym for
   `Flipping Ridiculous Electronic Device'; other F-verbs may be
   substituted for `flipping'.
%%
:frednet: /fred'net/ n. Used to refer to some {random} and
   uncommon protocol encountered on a network.  "We're implementing
   bridging in our router to solve the frednet problem."
%%
:freeware: n. Free software, often written by enthusiasts and
   distributed by users' groups, or via electronic mail, local
   bulletin boards, {USENET}, or other electronic media.  At one
   time, `freeware' was a trademark of Andrew Fluegelman, the author
   of the well-known MS-DOS comm program PC-TALK III.  It wasn't
   enforced after his mysterious disappearance and presumed death
   in 1984.  See {shareware}.
%%
:freeze: v. To lock an evolving software distribution or document
   against changes so it can be released with some hope of stability.
   Carries the strong implication that the item in question will
   `unfreeze' at some future date.  "OK, fix that bug and we'll
   freeze for release."

   There are more specific constructions on this.  A `feature freeze',
   for example, locks out modifications intended to introduce new
   features; a `code freeze' connotes no more changes at all.
   At Sun Microsystems and elsewhere, one may also hear references to
   `code slush' --- that is, an almost-but-not-quite frozen state.
%%
:fried: adj. 1. Non-working due to hardware failure; burnt out.
   Especially used of hardware brought down by a `power glitch' (see
   {glitch}), {drop-outs}, a short, or some other electrical
   event.  (Sometimes this literally happens to electronic circuits!
   In particular, resistors can burn out and transformers can melt
   down, emitting noxious smoke --- see {friode}, {SED} and
   {LER}.  However, this term is also used metaphorically.)
   Compare {frotzed}.  2. Of people, exhausted.  Said particularly
   of those who continue to work in such a state.  Often used as an
   explanation or excuse.  "Yeah, I know that fix destroyed the file
   system, but I was fried when I put it in."  Esp. common in
   conjunction with `brain': "My brain is fried today, I'm very
   short on sleep."
%%
:friode: /fri:'ohd/ [TMRC] n. A reversible (that is, fused or
   blown) diode.  Compare {fried}; see also {SED}, {LER}.
%%
:fritterware: n. An excess of capability that serves no productive
   end.  The canonical example is font-diddling software on the Mac
   (see {macdink}); the term describes anything that eats huge
   amounts of time for quite marginal gains in function but seduces
   people into using it anyway.
%%
:frob: /frob/ 1. n. [MIT] The {TMRC} definition was "FROB = a
   protruding arm or trunnion"; by metaphoric extension, a `frob'
   is any random small thing; an object that you can comfortably hold
   in one hand; something you can frob.  See {frobnitz}.  2. vt.
   Abbreviated form of {frobnicate}.  3. [from the {MUD} world]
   A command on some MUDs that changes a player's
   experience level (this can be used to make wizards); also, to
   request {wizard} privileges on the `professional courtesy'
   grounds that one is a wizard elsewhere.  The command is actually
   `frobnicate' but is universally abbreviated to the shorter form.
%%
:frobnicate: /frob'ni-kayt/ vt. [Poss. derived from
   {frobnitz}, and usually abbreviated to {frob}, but
   `frobnicate' is recognized as the official full form.] To
   manipulate or adjust, to tweak.  One frequently frobs bits or other
   2-state devices.  Thus: "Please frob the light switch" (that is,
   flip it), but also "Stop frobbing that clasp; you'll break it".
   One also sees the construction `to frob a frob'.  See {tweak}
   and {twiddle}.  Usage: frob, twiddle, and tweak sometimes
   connote points along a continuum.  `Frob' connotes aimless
   manipulation; `twiddle' connotes gross manipulation, often a
   coarse search for a proper setting; `tweak' connotes fine-tuning.
   If someone is turning a knob on an oscilloscope, then if he's
   carefully adjusting it, he is probably tweaking it; if he is just
   turning it but looking at the screen, he is probably twiddling it;
   but if he's just doing it because turning a knob is fun, he's
   frobbing it.  The variant `frobnosticate' has been recently
   reported.
%%
:frobnitz: /frob'nits/, pl. `frobnitzem' /frob'nit-zm/ or
   `frobni' /frob'ni:/ [TMRC] n. An unspecified physical object, a
   widget.  Also refers to electronic black boxes.  This rare form is
   usually abbreviated to `frotz', or more commonly to {frob}.
   Also used are `frobnule' (/frob'n[y]ool/) and `frobule'
   (/frob'yool/).  Starting perhaps in 1979, `frobozz'
   /fr*-boz'/ (plural: `frobbotzim' /fr*-bot'zm/) has also
   become very popular, largely through its exposure as a name via
   {Zork}.  These can also be applied to nonphysical objects, such
   as data structures.

   Pete Samson, compiler of the {TMRC} lexicon, adds, "Under the
   TMRC [railroad] layout were many storage boxes, managed (in 1958)
   by David R. Sawyer.  Several had fanciful designations written on
   them, such as `Frobnitz Coil Oil'.  Perhaps DRS intended Frobnitz
   to be a proper name, but the name was quickly taken for the
   thing".  This was almost certainly the origin of the term.
%%
:frog: alt. `phrog' 1. interj. Term of disgust (we seem to have
   a lot of them).  2. Used as a name for just about anything.  See
   {foo}.  3. n. Of things, a crock.  4. n. Of people, somewhere
   in between a turkey and a toad.  5. `froggy': adj. Similar to
   `bagbiting' (see {bagbiter}), but milder.  "This froggy
   program is taking forever to run!"
%%
:frogging: [University of Waterloo] v. 1. Partial corruption of a text
   file or input stream by some bug or consistent glitch, as opposed
   to random events like line noise or media failures.  Might occur,
   for example, if one bit of each incoming character on a tty were
   stuck, so that some characters were correct and others were not.
   See {terminak} for a historical example.  2. By extension,
   accidental display of text in a mode where the output device emits
   special symbols or mnemonics rather than conventional ASCII.  Often
   happens, for example, when using a terminal or comm program on a
   device like an IBM PC with a special `high-half' character set and
   with the bit-parity assumption wrong.  A hacker sufficiently
   familiar with ASCII bit patterns might be able to read the display
   anyway.
%%
:front end: n. 1. An intermediary computer that does set-up and
   filtering for another (usually more powerful but less friendly)
   machine (a `back end').  2. What you're talking to when you
   have a conversation with someone who is making replies without
   paying attention.  "Look at the dancing elephants!"  "Uh-huh."
   "Do you know what I just said?"  "Sorry, you were talking to the
   front end."  See also {fepped out}.  3. Software that provides
   an interface to another program `behind' it, which may not be as
   user-friendly.  Probably from analogy with hardware front-ends (see
   sense 1) that interfaced with mainframes.
%%
:frotz: /frots/ 1. n. See {frobnitz}.  2. `mumble frotz': An
   interjection of very mild disgust.
%%
:frotzed: /frotst/ adj. {down} because of hardware problems.  Compare
   {fried}.  A machine that is merely frotzed may be fixable
   without replacing parts, but a fried machine is more seriously
   damaged.
%%
:frowney: n. (alt. `frowney face')  See {emoticon}.
%%
:fry: 1. vi. To fail.  Said especially of smoke-producing hardware
   failures.  More generally, to become non-working.  Usage: never
   said of software, only of hardware and humans.  See {fried},
   {magic smoke}.  2. vt. To cause to fail; to {roach}, {toast},
   or {hose} a piece of hardware.  Never used of software or humans,
   but compare {fried}.
%%
:FTP: /F-T-P/, *not* /fit'ip/ 1. [techspeak] n. The File
   Transfer Protocol for transmitting files between systems on the
   Internet.  2. vt. To {beam} a file using the File Transfer
   Protocol.  3. Sometimes used as a generic even for file transfers
   not using {FTP}.  "Lemme get a copy of `Wuthering
   Heights' ftp'd from uunet."
%%
:FUBAR: n. The Failed UniBus Address Register in a VAX.  A good
   example of how jargon can occasionally be snuck past the {suit}s;
   see {foobar}, and {foo} for a fuller etymology.
%%
:fuck me harder: excl. Sometimes uttered in response to egregious
   misbehavior, esp. in software, and esp. of misbehaviors which
   seem unfairly persistent (as though designed in by the imp of the
   perverse).  Often theatrically elaborated: "Aiighhh! Fuck me with
   a piledriver and 16 feet of curare-tipped wrought-iron fence
   *and no lubricants*!" The phrase is sometimes heard
   abbreviated `FMH' in polite company.

   [This entry is an extreme example of the hackish habit of coining
   elaborate and evocative terms for lossage. Here we see a quite
   self-conscious parody of mainstream expletives that has become a
   running gag in part of the hacker culture; it illustrates the
   hackish tendency to turn any situation, even one of extreme
   frustration, into an intellectual game (the point being, in this
   case, to creatively produce a long-winded description of the
   most anatomically absurd mental image possible --- the short forms
   implicitly allude to all the ridiculous long forms ever spoken).
   Scatological language is actually relatively uncommon among
   hackers, and there was some controversy over whether this entry
   ought to be included at all.  As it reflects a live usage
   recognizably peculiar to the hacker culture, we feel it is
   in the hackish spirit of truthfulness and opposition to all
   forms of censorship to record it here. --ESR & GLS]
%%
:FUD: /fuhd/ n. Defined by Gene Amdahl after he left IBM to found
   his own company: "FUD is the fear, uncertainty, and doubt that IBM
   sales people instill in the minds of potential customers who might
   be considering [Amdahl] products."  The idea, of course, was to
   persuade them to go with safe IBM gear rather than with
   competitors' equipment.  This was traditionally done by promising
   that Good Things would happen to people who stuck with IBM, but
   Dark Shadows loomed over the future of competitors' equipment or
   software.  See {IBM}.
%%
:FUD wars: /fuhd worz/ n. [from {FUD}] Political posturing engaged in
   by hardware and software vendors ostensibly committed to
   standardization but actually willing to fragment the market to
   protect their own shares.  The UNIX International vs. OSF conflict
   is but one outstanding example.
%%
:fudge: 1. vt. To perform in an incomplete but marginally acceptable
   way, particularly with respect to the writing of a program.  "I
   didn't feel like going through that pain and suffering, so I fudged
   it --- I'll fix it later."  2. n. The resulting code.
%%
:fudge factor: n. A value or parameter that is varied in an ad hoc way
   to produce the desired result.  The terms `tolerance' and
   {slop} are also used, though these usually indicate a one-sided
   leeway, such as a buffer that is made larger than necessary
   because one isn't sure exactly how large it needs to be, and it is
   better to waste a little space than to lose completely for not
   having enough.  A fudge factor, on the other hand, can often be
   tweaked in more than one direction.  A good example is the `fuzz'
   typically allowed in floating-point calculations: two numbers being
   compared for equality must be allowed to differ by a small amount;
   if that amount is too small, a computation may never terminate,
   while if it is too large, results will be needlessly inaccurate.
   Fudge factors are frequently adjusted incorrectly by programmers
   who don't fully understand their import.  See also {coefficient
   of X}.
%%
:fuel up: vi. To eat or drink hurriedly in order to get back to
   hacking.  "Food-p?"  "Yeah, let's fuel up."  "Time for a
   {great-wall}!"  See also {{oriental food}}.
%%
:fuggly: /fuhg'lee/ adj. Emphatic form of {funky}; funky +
   ugly).  Unusually for hacker jargon, this may actually derive from
   black street-jive.  To say it properly, the first syllable should
   be growled rather than spoken.  Usage: humorous.  "Man, the
   {{ASCII}}-to-{{EBCDIC}} code in that printer driver is
   *fuggly*."  See also {wonky}.
%%
:fum: [XEROX PARC] n. At PARC, often the third of the standard
   {metasyntactic variable}s (after {foo} and {bar}.  Competes
   with {baz}, which is more common outside PARC.
%%
:funky: adj. Said of something that functions, but in a slightly
   strange, klugey way.  It does the job and would be difficult to
   change, so its obvious non-optimality is left alone.  Often used to
   describe interfaces.  The more bugs something has that nobody has
   bothered to fix because workarounds are easier, the funkier it is.
   {TECO} and UUCP are funky.  The Intel i860's exception handling is
   extraordinarily funky.  Most standards acquire funkiness as they
   age.  "The new mailer is installed, but is still somewhat funky;
   if it bounces your mail for no reason, try resubmitting it."
   "This UART is pretty funky.  The data ready line is active-high in
   interrupt mode and active-low in DMA mode."  See {fuggly}.
%%
:funny money: n. 1. Notional `dollar' units of computing time and/or
   storage handed to students at the beginning of a computer course;
   also called `play money' or `purple money' (in implicit
   opposition to real or `green' money).  In New Zealand and Germany
   the odd usage `paper money' has been recorded; in Gremany, the
   particularly amusing synonym `transfer rouble' commemmorates the
   worthlessness of the ex-USSR's currency.  When your funny money
   ran out, your account froze and you needed to go to a professor to
   get more.  Fortunately, the plunging cost of timesharing cycles has
   made this less common.  The amounts allocated were almost
   invariably too small, even for the non-hackers who wanted to slide
   by with minimum work.  In extreme cases, the practice led to
   small-scale black markets in bootlegged computer accounts.  2. By
   extension, phantom money or quantity tickets of any kind used as a
   resource-allocation hack within a system.  Antonym: `real
   money'.
%%
:fuzzball: [TCP/IP hackers] n. A DEC LSI-11 running a particular
   suite of homebrewed software written by Dave Mills and assorted
   co-conspirators, used in the early 1980s for Internet protocol
   testbedding and experimentation.  These were used as NSFnet
   backbone sites in its early 56KB-line days; a few are still active
   on the Internet as of early 1991, doing odd jobs such as network
   time service.
%%
:G: [SI] pref.,suff. See {{quantifiers}}.
%%
:gabriel: /gay'bree-*l/ [for Dick Gabriel, SAIL LISP hacker and
   volleyball fanatic] n. An unnecessary (in the opinion of the
   opponent) stalling tactic, e.g., tying one's shoelaces or combing
   one's hair repeatedly, asking the time, etc.  Also used to refer to
   the perpetrator of such tactics.  Also, `pulling a Gabriel',
   `Gabriel mode'.
%%
:gag: vi. Equivalent to {choke}, but connotes more disgust. "Hey,
   this is FORTRAN code.  No wonder the C compiler gagged."  See also
   {barf}.
%%
:gang bang: n. The use of large numbers of loosely coupled
   programmers in an attempt to wedge a great many features into a
   product in a short time.  Though there have been memorable gang
   bangs (e.g., that over-the-weekend assembler port mentioned in
   Steven Levy's `Hackers'), most are perpetrated by large
   companies trying to meet deadlines and produce enormous buggy
   masses of code entirely lacking in {orthogonal}ity.  When
   market-driven managers make a list of all the features the
   competition has and assign one programmer to implement each, they
   often miss the importance of maintaining a coherent design.  See
   also {firefighting}, {Mongolian Hordes technique},
   {Conway's Law}.
%%
:garbage collect: vi. (also `garbage collection', n.) See {GC}.
%%
:garply: /gar'plee/ [Stanford] n. Another metasyntactic variable (see
   {foo}); once popular among SAIL hackers.
%%
:gas: [as in `gas chamber'] 1. interj. A term of disgust and
   hatred, implying that gas should be dispensed in generous
   quantities, thereby exterminating the source of irritation.  "Some
   loser just reloaded the system for no reason!  Gas!"  2. interj. A
   suggestion that someone or something ought to be flushed out of
   mercy.  "The system's getting {wedged} every few minutes.
   Gas!"  3. vt.  To {flush} (sense 1).  "You should gas that old
   crufty software."  4. [IBM] n. Dead space in nonsequentially
   organized files that was occupied by data that has been deleted;
   the compression operation that removes it is called `degassing' (by
   analogy, perhaps, with the use of the same term in vacuum
   technology). 5. [IBM] n.  Empty space on a disk that has been
   clandestinely allocated against future need.
%%
:gaseous: adj. Deserving of being {gas}sed.  Disseminated by
   Geoff Goodfellow while at SRI; became particularly popular after
   the Moscone-Milk killings in San Francisco, when it was learned
   that the defendant Dan White (a politician who had supported
   Proposition 7) would get the gas chamber under Proposition 7 if
   convicted of first-degree murder (he was eventually convicted of
   manslaughter).
%%
:GC: /G-C/ [from LISP terminology; `Garbage Collect']
   1. vt. To clean up and throw away useless things.  "I think I'll
   GC the top of my desk today."  When said of files, this is
   equivalent to {GFR}.  2. vt. To recycle, reclaim, or put to
   another use.  3. n. An instantiation of the garbage collector
   process.

   `Garbage collection' is computer-science jargon for a particular
   class of strategies for dynamically reallocating computer memory.
   One such strategy involves periodically scanning all the data in
   memory and determining what is no longer accessible; useless data
   items are then discarded so that the memory they occupy can be
   recycled and used for another purpose.  Implementations of the LISP
   language usually use garbage collection.

   In jargon, the full phrase is sometimes heard but the {abbrev} is
   more frequently used because it is shorter.  Note that there is an
   ambiguity in usage that has to be resolved by context: "I'm going
   to garbage-collect my desk" usually means to clean out the
   drawers, but it could also mean to throw away or recycle the desk
   itself.
%%
:GCOS:: /jee'kohs/ n. A {quick-and-dirty} {clone} of
   System/360 DOS that emerged from GE around 1970; originally called
   GECOS (the General Electric Comprehensive Operating System).  Later
   kluged to support primitive timesharing and transaction processing.
   After the buyout of GE's computer division by Honeywell, the name
   was changed to General Comprehensive Operating System (GCOS).
   Other OS groups at Honeywell began referring to it as `God's Chosen
   Operating System', allegedly in reaction to the GCOS crowd's
   uninformed and snotty attitude about the superiority of their
   product.  All this might be of zero interest, except for two facts:
   (1) The GCOS people won the political war, and this led in the
   orphaning and eventual death of Honeywell {{Multics}}, and
   (2) GECOS/GCOS left one permanent mark on UNIX.  Some early UNIX
   systems at Bell Labs used GCOS machines for print spooling and
   various other services; the field added to `/etc/passwd' to
   carry GCOS ID information was called the `GECOS field' and
   survives today as the `pw_gecos' member used for the user's
   full name and other human-ID information.  GCOS later played a
   major role in keeping Honeywell a dismal also-ran in the mainframe
   market, and was itself ditched for UNIX in the late 1980s when
   Honeywell retired its aging {big iron} designs.
%%
:GECOS:: /jee'kohs/ n. See {{GCOS}}.
%%
:gedanken: /g*-don'kn/ adj. Ungrounded; impractical; not
   well-thought-out; untried; untested.  `Gedanken' is a German word
   for `thought'.  A thought experiment is one you carry out in your
   head.  In physics, the term `gedanken experiment' is used to
   refer to an experiment that is impractical to carry out, but useful
   to consider because you can reason about it theoretically.  (A
   classic gedanken experiment of relativity theory involves thinking
   about a man in an elevator accelerating through space.)  Gedanken
   experiments are very useful in physics, but you have to be careful.
   It's too easy to idealize away some important aspect of the real
   world in contructing your `apparatus'.

   Among hackers, accordingly, the word has a pejorative connotation.
   It is said of a project, especially one in artificial intelligence
   research, that is written up in grand detail (typically as a Ph.D.
   thesis) without ever being implemented to any great extent.  Such a
   project is usually perpetrated by people who aren't very good
   hackers or find programming distasteful or are just in a hurry.  A
   `gedanken thesis' is usually marked by an obvious lack of
   intuition about what is programmable and what is not, and about
   what does and does not constitute a clear specification of an
   algorithm.  See also {AI-complete}, {DWIM}.
%%
:geef: v. [ostensibly from `gefingerpoken'] vt. Syn. {mung}.  See
   also {blinkenlights}.
%%
:geek out: vi. To temporarily enter techno-nerd mode while in a
   non-hackish context, for example at parties held near computer
   equipment.  Especially used when you need to do something highly
   technical and don't have time to explain: "Pardon me while I geek
   out for a moment."  See {computer geek}.
%%
:gen: /jen/ n.,v. Short for {generate}, used frequently in both spoken
   and written contexts.
%%
:gender mender: n. A cable connector shell with either two male or two
   female connectors on it, used to correct the mismatches that result
   when some {loser} didn't understand the RS232C specification and
   the distinction between DTE and DCE.  Used esp. for RS-232C
   parts in either the original D-25 or the IBM PC's bogus D-9 format.
   Also called `gender bender', `gender blender', `sex
   changer', and even `homosexual adapter'; however, there appears
   to be some confusion as to whether a `male homosexual adapter' has
   pins on both sides (is male) or sockets on both sides (connects two
   males).
%%
:General Public Virus: n. Pejorative name for some versions of the
   {GNU} project {copyleft} or General Public License (GPL), which
   requires that any tools or {app}s incorporating copylefted code
   must be source-distributed on the same counter-commercial terms as
   GNU stuff.  Thus it is alleged that the copyleft `infects' software
   generated with GNU tools, which may in turn infect other software
   that reuses any of its code.  The Free Software Foundation's
   official position as of January 1991 is that copyright law limits
   the scope of the GPL to "programs textually incorporating
   significant amounts of GNU code", and that the `infection' is not
   passed on to third parties unless actual GNU source is transmitted
   (as in, for example, use of the Bison parser skeleton).
   Nevertheless, widespread suspicion that the {copyleft} language
   is `boobytrapped' has caused many developers to avoid using GNU
   tools and the GPL.  Recent (July 1991) changes in the language of
   the version 2.00 license may eliminate this problem.
%%
:generate: vt. To produce something according to an algorithm or
   program or set of rules, or as a (possibly unintended) side effect
   of the execution of an algorithm or program.  The opposite of
   {parse}.  This term retains its mechanistic connotations (though
   often humorously) when used of human behavior.  "The guy is
   rational most of the time, but mention nuclear energy around him
   and he'll generate {infinite} flamage."
%%
:gensym: /jen'sim/ [from MacLISP for `generated symbol'] 1. v.
   To invent a new name for something temporary, in such a way that
   the name is almost certainly not in conflict with one already in
   use.  2. n.  The resulting name.  The canonical form of a gensym is
   `Gnnnn' where nnnn represents a number; any LISP hacker would
   recognize G0093 (for example) as a gensym.  3. A freshly generated
   data structure with a gensymmed name.  These are useful for storing
   or uniquely identifying crufties (see {cruft}).
%%
:Get a life!: imp. Hacker-standard way of suggesting that the person
   to whom you are speaking has succumbed to terminal geekdom (see
   {computer geek}).  Often heard on {USENET}, esp. as a way of
   suggesting that the target is taking some obscure issue of
   {theology} too seriously.  This exhortation was popularized by
   William Shatner on a "Saturday Night Live" episode in a speech that
   ended "Get a *life*!", but some respondents believe it to
   have been in use before then.  It was certainly in wide use among
   hackers for at least five years before achieving mainstream
   currency around early 1992.
%%
:Get a real computer!: imp. Typical hacker response to news that
   somebody is having trouble getting work done on a system that
   (a) is single-tasking, (b) has no hard disk, or (c) has an address
   space smaller than 4 megabytes.  This is as of mid-1991; note that
   the threshold for `real computer' rises with time, and it may well
   be (for example) that machines with character-only displays will be
   generally considered `unreal' in a few years (GLS points out that
   they already are in some circles).  See {essentials}, {bitty
   box}, and {toy}.
%%
:GFR: /G-F-R/ vt. [ITS] From `Grim File Reaper', an ITS and Lisp
   Machine utility.  To remove a file or files according to some
   program-automated or semi-automatic manual procedure, especially
   one designed to reclaim mass storage space or reduce name-space
   clutter (the original GFR actually moved files to tape).  Often
   generalized to pieces of data below file level.  "I used to have
   his phone number, but I guess I {GFR}ed it."  See also
   {prowler}, {reaper}.  Compare {GC}, which discards only
   provably worthless stuff.
%%
:gig: /jig/ or /gig/ [SI] n. See {{quantifiers}}.
%%
:giga-: /ji'ga/ or /gi'ga/ [SI] pref. See {{quantifiers}}.
%%
:GIGO: /gi:'goh/ [acronym] 1. `Garbage In, Garbage Out' ---
   usually said in response to {luser}s who complain that a program
   didn't complain about faulty data.  Also commonly used to describe
   failures in human decision making due to faulty, incomplete, or
   imprecise data.  2. `Garbage In, Gospel Out': this more recent
   expansion is a sardonic comment on the tendency human beings have
   to put excessive trust in `computerized' data.
%%
:gilley: [USENET] n. The unit of analogical bogosity.  According to
   its originator, the standard for one gilley was "the act of
   bogotoficiously comparing the shutting down of 1000 machines for a
   day with the killing of one person".  The milligilley has been
   found to suffice for most normal conversational exchanges.
%%
:gillion: /gil'y*n/ or /jil'y*n/ [formed from {giga-} by analogy
   with mega/million and tera/trillion] n. 10^9. Same as an
   American billion or a British `milliard'.  How one pronounces
   this depends on whether one speaks {giga-} with a hard or
   soft `g'.
%%
:GIPS: /gips/ or /jips/ [analogy with {MIPS}] n.
   Giga-Instructions per Second (also possibly `Gillions of
   Instructions per Second'; see {gillion}).  In 1991, this is used
   of only a handful of highly parallel machines, but this is expected
   to change.  Compare {KIPS}.
%%
:glark: /glark/ vt. To figure something out from context.  "The
   System III manuals are pretty poor, but you can generally glark the
   meaning from context."  Interestingly, the word was originally
   `glork'; the context was "This gubblick contains many
   nonsklarkish English flutzpahs, but the overall pluggandisp can be
   glorked [sic] from context" (David Moser, quoted by Douglas
   Hofstadter in his "Metamagical Themas" column in the
   January 1981 `Scientific American').  It is conjectured that
   hackish usage mutated the verb to `glark' because {glork} was
   already an established jargon term.  Compare {grok},
   {zen}.
%%
:glass: [IBM] n. Synonym for {silicon}.
%%
:glass tty: /glas T-T-Y/ or /glas ti'tee/ n. A terminal that
   has a display screen but which, because of hardware or software
   limitations, behaves like a teletype or some other printing
   terminal, thereby combining the disadvantages of both: like a
   printing terminal, it can't do fancy display hacks, and like a
   display terminal, it doesn't produce hard copy.  An example is the
   early `dumb' version of Lear-Siegler ADM 3 (without cursor
   control).  See {tube}, {tty}; compare {dumb terminal}, {smart
   terminal}.  See "{TV Typewriters}" (appendix A) for an
   interesting true story about a glass tty.
%%
:glassfet: /glas'fet/ [by analogy with MOSFET, the acronym for
   `Metal-Oxide-Semiconductor Field-Effect Transistor'] n. Syn.
   {firebottle}, a humorous way to refer to a vacuum tube.
%%
:glitch: /glich/ [from German `glitschen' to slip, via Yiddish
   `glitshen', to slide or skid] 1. n. A sudden interruption in
   electric service, sanity, continuity, or program function.
   Sometimes recoverable.  An interruption in electric service is
   specifically called a `power glitch' (also {power hit}).  This
   is of grave concern because it usually crashes all the computers.
   In jargon, though, a hacker who got to the middle of a sentence and
   then forgot how he or she intended to complete it might say,
   "Sorry, I just glitched".  2. vi. To commit a glitch.  See
   {gritch}.  3. vt.  [Stanford] To scroll a display screen, esp.
   several lines at a time.  {{WAITS}} terminals used to do this in
   order to avoid continuous scrolling, which is distracting to the
   eye.  4. obs.  Same as {magic cookie}, sense 2.

   All these uses of `glitch' derive from the specific technical
   meaning the term has in the electronic hardware world, where it is
   now techspeak.  A glitch can occur when the inputs of a circuit
   change, and the outputs change to some {random} value for some
   very brief time before they settle down to the correct value.  If
   another circuit inspects the output at just the wrong time, reading
   the random value, the results can be very wrong and very hard to
   debug (a glitch is one of many causes of electronic {heisenbug}s).
%%
:glob: /glob/, *not* /glohb/ [UNIX] vt.,n. To expand
   special characters in a wildcarded name, or the act of so doing
   (the action is also called `globbing').  The UNIX conventions for
   filename wildcarding have become sufficiently pervasive that many
   hackers use some of them in written English, especially in email or
   news on technical topics.  Those commonly encountered include the
   following:
     *
          wildcard for any string (see also {UN*X})
     ?
          wildcard for any character (generally read this way only at
          the beginning or in the middle of a word)
     []
          delimits a wildcard matching any of the enclosed characters
     {}
          alternation of comma-separated alternatives; thus,
          `foo{baz,qux}' would be read as `foobaz' or `fooqux'

   Some examples: "He said his name was [KC]arl" (expresses
   ambiguity).  "I don't read talk.politics.*" (any of the
   talk.politics subgroups on {USENET}).  Other examples are given
   under the entry for {X}.  Compare {regexp}.

   Historical note: The jargon usage derives from `glob', the
   name of a subprogram that expanded wildcards in archaic pre-Bourne
   versions of the UNIX shell.
%%
:glork: /glork/ 1. interj. Term of mild surprise, usually tinged with
   outrage, as when one attempts to save the results of 2 hours of
   editing and finds that the system has just crashed.  2. Used as a
   name for just about anything.  See {foo}.  3. vt. Similar to
   {glitch}, but usually used reflexively.  "My program just glorked
   itself."  See also {glark}.
%%
:glue: n. Generic term for any interface logic or protocol that
   connects two component blocks.  For example,  {Blue
   Glue} is IBM's SNA protocol, and hardware designers call anything
   used to connect large VLSI's or circuit blocks `glue logic'.
%%
:gnarly: /nar'lee/ adj. Both {obscure} and {hairy} in the
   sense of complex.  "{Yow!} --- the tuned assembler
   implementation of BitBlt is really gnarly!"  From a similar but
   less specific usage in surfer slang.
%%
:GNU: /gnoo/, *not* /noo/ 1. [acronym: `GNU's Not UNIX!',
   see {{recursive acronym}}] A UNIX-workalike development effort of
   the Free Software Foundation headed by Richard Stallman
   <rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu>.  GNU EMACS and the GNU C compiler, two tools
   designed for this project, have become very popular in hackerdom
   and elsewhere.  The GNU project was designed partly to proselytize
   for RMS's position that information is community property and all
   software source should be shared.  One of its slogans is "Help
   stamp out software hoarding!"  Though this remains controversial
   (because it implicitly denies any right of designers to own,
   assign, and sell the results of their labors), many hackers who
   disagree with RMS have nevertheless cooperated to produce large
   amounts of high-quality software for free redistribution under the
   Free Software Foundation's imprimatur.  See {EMACS},
   {copyleft}, {General Public Virus}.  2. Noted UNIX hacker
   John Gilmore <gnu@toad.com>, founder of USENET's anarchic alt.*
   hierarchy.
%%
:GNUMACS: /gnoo'maks/ [contraction of `GNU EMACS'] Often-heard
   abbreviated name for the {GNU} project's flagship tool, {EMACS}.
   Used esp. in contrast with {GOSMACS}.
%%
:go flatline: [from cyberpunk SF, refers to flattening of EEG
   traces upon brain-death] vi., also adjectival `flatlined'. 1. To
   {die}, terminate, or fail, esp. irreversibly.  In hacker
   parlance, this is used of machines only, human death being
   considered somewhat too serious a matter to employ jargon-jokes
   about.  2. To go completely quiescent; said of machines undergoing
   controlled shutdown.  "You can suffer file damage if you shut down
   UNIX but power off before the system has gone flatline."  3. Of a
   video tube, to fail by losing vertical scan, so all one sees is a
   bright horizontal line bisecting the screen.
%%
:go root: [UNIX] vi. To temporarily enter {root mode} in order
   to perform a privileged operation.  This use is deprecated in
   Australia, where v. `root' refers to animal sex.
%%
:go-faster stripes: [UK] Syn. {chrome}.
%%
:gobble: vt. To consume or to obtain.  The phrase `gobble up' tends to
   imply `consume', while `gobble down' tends to imply `obtain'.
   "The output spy gobbles characters out of a {tty} output buffer."
   "I guess I'll gobble down a copy of the documentation tomorrow."
   See also {snarf}.
%%
:Godzillagram: /god-zil'*-gram/ n. [from Japan's national hero]
   1. A network packet that in theory is a broadcast to every machine
   in the universe.  The typical case of this is an IP datagram whose
   destination IP address is [255.255.255.255].  Fortunately, few
   gateways are foolish enough to attempt to implement this!  2. A
   network packet of maximum size.  An IP Godzillagram has
   65,536 octets.
%%
:golden: adj. [prob. from folklore's `golden egg'] When used to
   describe a magnetic medium (e.g., `golden disk', `golden tape'),
   describes one containing a tested, up-to-spec, ready-to-ship
   software version.  Compare {platinum-iridium}.
%%
:golf-ball printer: n. The IBM 2741, a slow but letter-quality
   printing device and terminal based on the IBM Selectric typewriter.
   The `golf ball' was a round object bearing reversed embossed
   images of 88 different characters arranged on four meridians of
   latitude; one could change the font by swapping in a different golf
   ball.  This was the technology that enabled APL to use a
   non-EBCDIC, non-ASCII, and in fact completely non-standard
   character set.  This put it 10 years ahead of its time --- where it
   stayed, firmly rooted, for the next 20, until character displays
   gave way to programmable bit-mapped devices with the flexibility to
   support other character sets.
%%
:gonk: /gonk/ vt.,n. 1. To prevaricate or to embellish the truth
   beyond any reasonable recognition.  It is alleged that in German
   the term is (mythically) `gonken'; in Spanish the verb becomes
   `gonkar'.  "You're gonking me.  That story you just told me is a
   bunch of gonk."  In German, for example, "Du gonkst mir" (You're
   pulling my leg).  See also {gonkulator}.  2. [British] To grab some
   sleep at an odd time; compare {gronk out}.
%%
:gonkulator: /gon'kyoo-lay-tr/ [from the old "Hogan's Heroes" TV
   series] n. A pretentious piece of equipment that actually serves no
   useful purpose.  Usually used to describe one's least favorite
   piece of computer hardware.  See {gonk}.
%%
:gonzo: /gon'zoh/ [from Hunter S. Thompson] adj. Overwhelming;
   outrageous; over the top; very large, esp. used of collections of
   source code, source files, or individual functions.  Has some of
   the connotations of {moby} and {hairy}, but without the
   implication of obscurity or complexity.
%%
:Good Thing: n.,adj. Often capitalized; always pronounced as if
   capitalized.  1. Self-evidently wonderful to anyone in a position
   to notice: "The Trailblazer's 19.2Kbaud PEP mode with on-the-fly
   Lempel-Ziv compression is a Good Thing for sites relaying
   netnews."  2. Something that can't possibly have any ill
   side-effects and may save considerable grief later: "Removing the
   self-modifying code from that shared library would be a Good
   Thing."  3. When said of software tools or libraries, as in "YACC
   is a Good Thing", specifically connotes that the thing has
   drastically reduced a programmer's work load.  Oppose {Bad
   Thing}.
%%
:gorilla arm: n. The side-effect that destroyed touch-screens as a
   mainstream input technology despite a promising start in the early
   1980s.  It seems the designers of all those {spiffy} touch-menu
   systems failed to notice that humans aren't designed to hold their
   arms in front of their faces making small motions.  After more than
   a very few selections, the arm begins to feel sore, cramped, and
   oversized; hence `gorilla arm'.  This is now considered a classic
   cautionary tale to human-factors designers; "Remember the gorilla
   arm!" is shorthand for "How is this going to fly in *real*
   use?".
%%
:gorp: /gorp/ [CMU: perhaps from the canonical hiker's food, Good
   Old Raisins and Peanuts] Another {metasyntactic variable}, like
   {foo} and {bar}.
%%
:GOSMACS: /goz'maks/ [contraction of `Gosling EMACS'] n. The first
   {EMACS}-in-C implementation, predating but now largely eclipsed by
   {GNUMACS}.  Originally freeware; a commercial version is now
   modestly popular as `UniPress EMACS'.  The author (James Gosling)
   went on to invent {NeWS}.
%%
:Gosperism: /gos'p*r-izm/ A hack, invention, or saying by
   arch-hacker R. William (Bill) Gosper.  This notion merits its own
   term because there are so many of them.  Many of the entries in
   {HAKMEM} are Gosperisms; see also {life}.
%%
:gotcha: n. A {misfeature} of a system, especially a programming
   language or environment, that tends to breed bugs or mistakes
   because it behaves in an unexpected way.  For example, a classic
   gotcha in {C} is the fact that `if (a=b) {code;}' is
   syntactically valid and sometimes even correct.  It puts the value
   of `b' into `a' and then executes `code' if
   `a' is non-zero.  What the programmer probably meant was
   `if (a==b) {code;}', which executes `code' if
   `a' and `b' are equal.
%%
:GPL: /G-P-L/ n. Abbrev. for `General Public License' in
   widespread use; see {copyleft}.
%%
:GPV: /G-P-V/ n. Abbrev. for {General Public Virus} in
   widespread use.
%%
:grault: /grawlt/ n. Yet another {metasyntactic variable}, invented by
   Mike Gallaher and propagated by the {GOSMACS} documentation.  See
   {corge}.
%%
:gray goo: n. A hypothetical substance composed of {sagan}s of
   sub-micron-sized self-replicating robots programmed to make copies
   of themselves out of whatever is available.  The image that goes
   with the term is one of the entire biosphere of Earth being
   eventually converted to robot goo.  This is the simplest of the
   {{nanotechnology}} disaster scenarios, easily refuted by arguments
   from energy requirements and elemental abundances.  Compare {blue
   goo}.
%%
:Great Renaming: n. The {flag day} on which all of the non-local
   groups on the {USENET} had their names changed from the net.-
   format to the current multiple-hierarchies scheme.
%%
:Great Runes: n. Uppercase-only text or display messages.  Some
   archaic operating systems still emit these.  See also {runes},
   {smash case}, {fold case}.

   Decades ago, back in the days when it was the sole supplier of
   long-distance hardcopy transmittal devices, the Teletype
   Corporation was faced with a major design choice.  To shorten code
   lengths and cut complexity in the printing mechanism, it had been
   decided that teletypes would use a monocase font, either ALL UPPER
   or all lower.  The question was, which one to choose.  A study was
   conducted on readability under various conditions of bad ribbon,
   worn print hammers, etc.  Lowercase won; it is less dense and has
   more distinctive letterforms, and is thus much easier to read both
   under ideal conditions and when the letters are mangled or partly
   obscured.  The results were filtered up through {management}.
   The chairman of Teletype killed the proposal because it failed one
   incredibly important criterion:
        "It would be impossible to spell the name of the Deity
        correctly."
   In this way (or so, at least, hacker folklore has it) superstition
   triumphed over utility.  Teletypes were the major input devices on
   most early computers, and terminal manufacturers looking for
   corners to cut naturally followed suit until well into the 1970s.
   Thus, that one bad call stuck us with Great Runes for thirty years.
%%
:Great Worm, the: n. The 1988 Internet {worm} perpetrated by
   {RTM}.  This is a play on Tolkien (compare {elvish},
   {Elder Days}).  In the fantasy history of his Middle Earth
   books, there were dragons powerful enough to lay waste to entire
   regions; two of these (Scatha and Glaurung) were known as "the
   Great Worms".  This usage expresses the connotation that the RTM
   hack was a sort of devastating watershed event in hackish history;
   certainly it did more to make non-hackers nervous about the
   Internet than anything before or since.
%%
:great-wall: [from SF fandom] vi.,n. A mass expedition to an
   oriental restaurant, esp. one where food is served family-style
   and shared.  There is a common heuristic about the amount of food
   to order, expressed as "Get N - 1 entrees"; the value of N,
   which is the number of people in the group, can be inferred from
   context (see {N}).  See {{oriental food}}, {ravs},
   {stir-fried random}.
%%
:Green Book: n. 1. One of the three standard {PostScript}
   references: `PostScript Language Program Design', bylined
   `Adobe Systems' (Addison-Wesley, 1988; QA76.73.P67P66 ISBN;
   0-201-14396-8); see also {Red Book}, {Blue Book}, and the
   {White Book} (sense 2)).  2. Informal name for one of the three
   standard references on SmallTalk: `Smalltalk-80: Bits of
   History, Words of Advice', by Glenn Krasner (Addison-Wesley, 1983;
   QA76.8.S635S58; ISBN 0-201-11669-3) (this, too, is associated with
   blue and red books).  3. The `X/Open Compatibility Guide'.
   Defines an international standard {{UNIX}} environment that is a
   proper superset of POSIX/SVID; also includes descriptions of a
   standard utility toolkit, systems administrations features, and the
   like.  This grimoire is taken with particular seriousness in
   Europe.  See {Purple Book}.  4. The IEEE 1003.1 POSIX Operating
   Systems Interface standard has been dubbed "The Ugly Green Book".
   5. Any of the 1992 standards which will be issued by the CCITT's
   tenth plenary assembly.  Until now, these have changed color each
   review cycle (1984 was {Red Book}, 1988 {Blue Book});
   however, it is rumored that this convention is going to be dropped
   before 1992.  These include, among other things, the X.400 email
   standard and the Group 1 through 4 fax standards.  See also
   {{book titles}}.
%%
:green bytes: n. (also `green words') 1. Meta-information
   embedded in a file, such as the length of the file or its name; as
   opposed to keeping such information in a separate description file
   or record.  The term comes from an IBM user's group meeting
   (ca. 1962) at which these two approaches were being debated and the
   diagram of the file on the blackboard had the `green bytes' drawn
   in green.  2. By extension, the non-data bits in any
   self-describing format.  "A GIF file contains, among other things,
   green bytes describing the packing method for the image." Compare
   {out-of-band}, {zigamorph}, {fence} (sense 1).
%%
:green card: n. [after the `IBM System/360 Reference Data'
   card] This is used for any summary of an assembly language, even if
   the color is not green.  Less frequently used now because of the
   decrease in the use of assembly language.  "I'll go get my green
   card so I can check the addressing mode for that instruction."
   Some green cards are actually booklets.

   The original green card became a yellow card when the System/370
   was introduced, and later a yellow booklet.  An anecdote from IBM
   refers to a scene that took place in a programmers' terminal room
   at Yorktown in 1978.  A luser overheard one of the programmers ask
   another "Do you have a green card?"  The other grunted and
   passed the first a thick yellow booklet.  At this point the luser
   turned a delicate shade of olive and rapidly left the room, never
   to return.  See also {card}.
%%
:green lightning: [IBM] n. 1. Apparently random flashing streaks on
   the face of 3278-9 terminals while a new symbol set is being
   downloaded.  This hardware bug was left deliberately unfixed, as
   some genius within IBM suggested it would let the user know that
   `something is happening'.  That, it certainly does.  Later
   microprocessor-driven IBM color graphics displays were actually
   *programmed* to produce green lightning!  2. [proposed] Any
   bug perverted into an alleged feature by adroit rationalization or
   marketing.  "Motorola calls the CISC cruft in the 88000
   architecture `compatibility logic', but I call it green
   lightning".  See also {feature}.
%%
:green machine: n. A computer or peripheral device that has been
   designed and built to military specifications for field equipment
   (that is, to withstand mechanical shock, extremes of temperature
   and humidity, and so forth).  Comes from the olive-drab `uniform'
   paint used for military equipment.
%%
:Green's Theorem: [TMRC] prov. For any story, in any group of people
   there will be at least one person who has not heard the story.
   [The name of this theorem is a play on a fundamental theorem in
   calculus. --- ESR]
%%
:grep: /grep/ [from the qed/ed editor idiom g/re/p , where
   re stands for a regular expression, to Globally search for the
   Regular Expression and Print the lines containing matches to it,
   via {{UNIX}} `grep(1)'] vt. To rapidly scan a file or set of
   files looking for a particular string or pattern (when browsing
   through a large set of files, one may speak of `grepping
   around').  By extension, to look for something by pattern.  "Grep
   the bulletin board for the system backup schedule, would you?"
   See also {vgrep}.
%%
:grind: vt. 1. [MIT and Berkeley] To format code, especially LISP
   code, by indenting lines so that it looks pretty.  This usage was
   associated with the MacLISP community and is now rare;
   {prettyprint} was and is the generic term for such
   operations.  2. [UNIX] To generate the formatted version of a
   document from the nroff, troff, TeX, or Scribe source.  The BSD
   program `vgrind(1)' grinds code for printing on a Versatec
   bitmapped printer.  3. To run seemingly interminably, esp. (but
   not necessarily) if performing some tedious and inherently useless
   task.  Similar to {crunch} or {grovel}.  Grinding has a
   connotation of using a lot of CPU time, but it is possible to grind
   a disk, network, etc.  See also {hog}.  4. To make the whole
   system slow.  "Troff really grinds a PDP-11."  5. `grind grind'
   excl. Roughly, "Isn't the machine slow today!"
%%
:grind crank: n. A mythical accessory to a terminal.  A crank on the
   side of a monitor, which when operated makes a zizzing noise and
   causes the computer to run faster.  Usually one does not refer to a
   grind crank out loud, but merely makes the appropriate gesture and
   noise.  See {grind} and {wugga wugga}.

   Historical note: At least one real machine actually had a grind
   crank --- the R1, a research machine built toward the end of the
   days of the great vacuum tube computers, in 1959.  R1 (also known
   as `The Rice Institute Computer' (TRIC) and later as `The Rice
   University Computer' (TRUC)) had a single-step/free-run switch for
   use when debugging programs.  Since single-stepping through a large
   program was rather tedious, there was also a crank with a cam and
   gear arrangement that repeatedly pushed the single-step button.
   This allowed one to `crank' through a lot of code, then slow
   down to single-step for a bit when you got near the code of
   interest, poke at some registers using the console typewriter, and
   then keep on cranking.
%%
:gripenet: [IBM] n. A wry (and thoroughly unoffical) name for IBM's
   internal VNET system, deriving from its common use by IBMers to
   voice pointed criticism of IBM management that would be taboo in
   more formal channels.
%%
:gritch: /grich/ 1. n. A complaint (often caused by a {glitch}).
   2. vi. To complain.  Often verb-doubled: "Gritch gritch".  3. A
   synonym for {glitch} (as verb or noun).
%%
:grok: /grok/, var. /grohk/ [from the novel `Stranger in
   a Strange Land', by Robert A. Heinlein, where it is a Martian word
   meaning literally `to drink' and metaphorically `to be one
   with'] vt. 1. To understand, usually in a global sense.  Connotes
   intimate and exhaustive knowledge.  Contrast {zen}, similar
   supernal understanding as a single brief flash.  See also
   {glark}.  2. Used of programs, may connote merely sufficient
   understanding.  "Almost all C compilers grok the `void' type
   these days."
%%
:gronk: /gronk/ [popularized by Johnny Hart's comic strip
   "B.C." but the word apparently predates that] vt. 1. To
   clear the state of a wedged device and restart it.  More severe
   than `to {frob}'.  2. [TMRC] To cut, sever, smash, or
   similarly disable.  3. The sound made by many 3.5-inch diskette
   drives.  In particular, the microfloppies on a Commodore Amiga go
   "grink, gronk".
%%
:gronk out: vi. To cease functioning.  Of people, to go home and go
   to sleep.  "I guess I'll gronk out now; see you all tomorrow."
%%
:gronked: adj. 1. Broken.  "The teletype scanner was gronked, so
   we took the system down."  2. Of people, the condition of feeling
   very tired or (less commonly) sick.  "I've been chasing that bug
   for 17 hours now and I am thoroughly gronked!"  Compare
   {broken}, which means about the same as {gronk} used of
   hardware, but connotes depression or mental/emotional problems in
   people.
%%
:grovel: vi. 1. To work interminably and without apparent progress.
   Often used transitively with `over' or `through'.  "The file
   scavenger has been groveling through the file directories for 10
   minutes now."  Compare {grind} and {crunch}.  Emphatic form:
   `grovel obscenely'.  2. To examine minutely or in complete detail.
   "The compiler grovels over the entire source program before
   beginning to translate it."  "I grovelled through all the
   documentation, but I still couldn't find the command I wanted."
%%
:grunge: /gruhnj/ n. 1. That which is grungy, or that which makes
   it so.  2. [Cambridge] Code which is inaccessible due to changes in
   other parts of the program.  The preferred term in North America is
   {dead code}.
%%
:gubbish: /guhb'*sh/ [a portmanteau of `garbage' and `rubbish'?]
   n. Garbage; crap; nonsense.  "What is all this gubbish?"  The
   opposite portmanteau `rubbage' is also reported.
%%
:guiltware: /gilt'weir/ n. 1. A piece of {freeware} decorated
   with a message telling one how long and hard the author worked on
   it and intimating that one is a no-good freeloader if one does not
   immediately send the poor suffering martyr gobs of money.
   2. {Shareware} that works.
%%
:gumby: /guhm'bee/ [from a class of Monty Python characters,
   poss. with some influence from the 1960s claymation character] n.
   An act of minor but conspicuous stupidity, often in `gumby
   maneuver' or `pull a gumby'.
%%
:gun: [ITS: from the `:GUN' command] vt. To forcibly
   terminate a program or job (computer, not career).  "Some idiot
   left a background process running soaking up half the cycles, so I
   gunned it."  Compare {can}.
%%
:gunch: /guhnch/ [TMRC] vt. To push, prod, or poke at a device
   that has almost produced the desired result.  Implies a threat to
   {mung}.
%%
:gurfle: /ger'fl/ interj. An expression of shocked disbelief.  "He
   said we have to recode this thing in FORTRAN by next week.
   Gurfle!"  Compare {weeble}.
%%
:guru: n. [UNIX] An expert.  Implies not only {wizard} skill but
   also a history of being a knowledge resource for others.  Less
   often, used (with a qualifier) for other experts on other systems,
   as in `VMS guru'.  See {source of all good bits}.
%%
:guru meditation: n. Amiga equivalent of `panic' in UNIX
   (sometimes just called a `guru' or `guru event').  When the
   system crashes, a cryptic message "GURU MEDITATION
   #XXXXXXXX.YYYYYYYY" appears, indicating what the problem was.  An
   Amiga guru can figure things out from the numbers.  Generally a
   {guru} event must be followed by a {Vulcan nerve pinch}.

   This term is (no surprise) an in-joke from the earliest days of the
   Amiga.  There used to be a device called a `Joyboard' which was
   basically a plastic board built onto on a joystick-like device; it
   was sold with a skiing game cartridge for the Atari game machine.
   It is said that whenever the prototype OS crashed, the system
   programmer responsible would calm down by concentrating on a
   solution while sitting cross-legged on a Joyboard trying to keep
   the board in balance.  This position resembled that of a
   meditating guru.  Sadly, the joke was removed in AmigaOS 2.04.
%%
:gweep: /gweep/ [WPI] 1. v. To {hack}, usually at night.  At
   WPI, from 1977 onwards, this often indicated that the speaker could
   be found at the College Computing Center punching cards or crashing
   the {PDP-10} or, later, the DEC-20; the term has survived the
   demise of those technologies, however, and is still live in late
   1991.  "I'm going to go gweep for a while. See you in the
   morning"  "I gweep from 8pm till 3am during the week."  2. n. One
   who habitually gweeps in sense 1; a {hacker}.  "He's a
   hard-core gweep, mumbles code in his sleep."
%%
:h: [from SF fandom] infix. A method of `marking' common words,
   i.e., calling attention to the fact that they are being used in a
   nonstandard, ironic, or humorous way.  Originated in the fannish
   catchphrase "Bheer is the One True Ghod!" from decades ago.
   H-infix marking of `Ghod' and other words spread into the 1960s
   counterculture via underground comix, and into early hackerdom
   either from the counterculture or from SF fandom (the three
   overlapped heavily at the time).  More recently, the h infix has
   become an expected feature of benchmark names (Dhrystone,
   Rhealstone, etc.); this is prob. patterning on the original
   Whetstone (the name of a laboratory) but influenced by the
   fannish/counterculture h infix.
%%
:ha ha only serious: [from SF fandom, orig. as mutation of HHOK,
   `Ha Ha Only Kidding'] A phrase (often seen abbreviated as HHOS)
   that aptly captures the flavor of much hacker discourse.  Applied
   especially to parodies, absurdities, and ironic jokes that are both
   intended and perceived to contain a possibly disquieting amount of
   truth, or truths that are constructed on in-joke and self-parody.
   This lexicon contains many examples of ha-ha-only-serious in both
   form and content.  Indeed, the entirety of hacker culture is often
   perceived as ha-ha-only-serious by hackers themselves; to take it
   either too lightly or too seriously marks a person as an outsider,
   a {wannabee}, or in {larval stage}.  For further
   enlightenment on this subject, consult any Zen master.  See also
   {{Humor, Hacker}}, and {AI koans}.
%%
:hack: 1. n. Originally, a quick job that produces what is needed,
   but not well.  2. n. An incredibly good, and perhaps very
   time-consuming, piece of work that produces exactly what is needed.
   3. vt. To bear emotionally or physically.  "I can't hack this
   heat!"  4. vt. To work on something (typically a program).  In an
   immediate sense: "What are you doing?"  "I'm hacking TECO."
   In a general (time-extended) sense: "What do you do around here?"
   "I hack TECO."  More generally, "I hack `foo'" is roughly
   equivalent to "`foo' is my major interest (or project)".  "I
   hack solid-state physics."  5. vt. To pull a prank on.  See
   sense 2 and {hacker} (sense 5).  6. vi. To interact with a
   computer in a playful and exploratory rather than goal-directed
   way.  "Whatcha up to?"  "Oh, just hacking."  7. n. Short for
   {hacker}.  8. See {nethack}.  9. [MIT] v. To explore
   the basements, roof ledges, and steam tunnels of a large,
   institutional building, to the dismay of Physical Plant workers and
   (since this is usually performed at educational institutions) the
   Campus Police.  This activity has been found to be eerily similar
   to playing adventure games such as Dungeons and Dragons and {Zork}.
   See also {vadding}.

   Constructions on this term abound.  They include `happy hacking'
   (a farewell), `how's hacking?' (a friendly greeting among
   hackers) and `hack, hack' (a fairly content-free but friendly
   comment, often used as a temporary farewell).  For more on this
   totipotent term see "{The Meaning of `Hack'}".  See
   also {neat hack}, {real hack}.
%%
:hack attack: [poss. by analogy with `Big Mac Attack' from ads
   for the McDonald's fast-food chain; the variant `big hack attack'
   is reported] n. Nearly synonymous with {hacking run}, though the
   latter more strongly implies an all-nighter.
%%
:hack mode: n. 1. What one is in when hacking, of course.  2. More
   specifically, a Zen-like state of total focus on The Problem that
   may be achieved when one is hacking (this is why every good hacker
   is part mystic).  Ability to enter such concentration at will
   correlates strongly with wizardliness; it is one of the most
   important skills learned during {larval stage}.  Sometimes
   amplified as `deep hack mode'.

   Being yanked out of hack mode (see {priority interrupt}) may be
   experienced as a physical shock, and the sensation of being in it
   is more than a little habituating.  The intensity of this
   experience is probably by itself sufficient explanation for the
   existence of hackers, and explains why many resist being promoted
   out of positions where they can code.  See also {cyberspace}
   (sense 2).

   Some aspects of hackish etiquette will appear quite odd to an
   observer unaware of the high value placed on hack mode.  For
   example, if someone appears at your door, it is perfectly okay to
   hold up a hand (without turning one's eyes away from the screen) to
   avoid being interrupted.  One may read, type, and interact with the
   computer for quite some time before further acknowledging the
   other's presence (of course, he or she is reciprocally free to
   leave without a word).  The understanding is that you might be in
   {hack mode} with a lot of delicate {state} (sense 2) in your
   head, and you dare not {swap} that context out until you have
   reached a good point to pause. See also {juggling eggs}.
%%
:hack on: vt. To {hack}; implies that the subject is some
   pre-existing hunk of code that one is evolving, as opposed to
   something one might {hack up}.
%%
:hack together: vt. To throw something together so it will work.
   Unlike `kluge together' or {cruft together}, this does not
   necessarily have negative connotations.
%%
:hack up: vt. To {hack}, but generally implies that the result is
   a hack in sense 1 (a quick hack).  Contrast this with {hack on}.
   To `hack up on' implies a {quick-and-dirty} modification to an
   existing system.  Contrast {hacked up}; compare {kluge up},
   {monkey up}, {cruft together}.
%%
:hack value: n. Often adduced as the reason or motivation for
   expending effort toward a seemingly useless goal, the point being
   that the accomplished goal is a hack.  For example, MacLISP had
   features for reading and printing Roman numerals, which were
   installed purely for hack value.  See {display hack} for one
   method of computing hack value, but this cannot really be
   explained.  As a great artist once said of jazz: "If you hafta ask,
   you ain't never goin' to find out."
%%
:hack-and-slay: v. (also `hack-and-slash') 1. To play a {MUD}
   or go mudding, especially with the intention of {berserking} for
   pleasure.  2. To undertake an all-night programming/hacking
   session, interspersed with stints of mudding as a change of pace.
   This term arose on the British academic network amongst students
   who worked nights and logged onto Essex University's MUDs during
   public-access hours (2 A.M. to 7 A.M.).  Usually more
   mudding than work was done in these sessions.
%%
:hacked off: [analogous to `pissed off'] adj. Said of system
   administrators who have become annoyed, upset, or touchy owing to
   suspicions that their sites have been or are going to be victimized
   by crackers, or used for inappropriate, technically illegal, or
   even overtly criminal activities.  For example, having unreadable
   files in your home directory called `worm', `lockpick', or `goroot'
   would probably be an effective (as well as impressively obvious and
   stupid) way to get your sysadmin hacked off at you.
%%
:hacked up: adj. Sufficiently patched, kluged, and tweaked that the
   surgical scars are beginning to crowd out normal tissue (compare
   {critical mass}).  Not all programs that are hacked become
   `hacked up'; if modifications are done with some eye to coherence
   and continued maintainability, the software may emerge better for
   the experience.  Contrast {hack up}.
%%
:hacker: [originally, someone who makes furniture with an axe] n.
   1. A person who enjoys exploring the details of programmable
   systems and how to stretch their capabilities, as opposed to most
   users, who prefer to learn only the minimum necessary.  2. One who
   programs enthusiastically (even obsessively) or who enjoys
   programming rather than just theorizing about programming.  3. A
   person capable of appreciating {hack value}.  4. A person who is
   good at programming quickly.  5. An expert at a particular program,
   or one who frequently does work using it or on it; as in `a UNIX
   hacker'.  (Definitions 1 through 5 are correlated, and people who
   fit them congregate.)  6. An expert or enthusiast of any kind.  One
   might be an astronomy hacker, for example.  7. One who enjoys the
   intellectual challenge of creatively overcoming or circumventing
   limitations.  8. [deprecated] A malicious meddler who tries to
   discover sensitive information by poking around.  Hence `password
   hacker', `network hacker'.  See {cracker}.

   The term `hacker' also tends to connote membership in the global
   community defined by the net (see {network, the} and
   {Internet address}).  It also implies that the person described
   is seen to subscribe to some version of the hacker ethic (see
   {hacker ethic, the}.

   It is better to be described as a hacker by others than to describe
   oneself that way.  Hackers consider themselves something of an
   elite (a meritocracy based on ability), though one to which new
   members are gladly welcome.  There is thus a certain ego
   satisfaction to be had in identifying yourself as a hacker (but if
   you claim to be one and are not, you'll quickly be labeled
   {bogus}).  See also {wannabee}.
%%
:hacker ethic, the: n.  1. The belief that information-sharing is a powerful
   positive good, and that it is an ethical duty of hackers to share their
   expertise by writing free software and facilitating access to information
   and to computing resources wherever possible. 2. The belief that 
   system-cracking for fun and exploration is ethically OK as long as the 
   cracker commits no theft, vandalism, or breach of confidentiality.
  
   Both of these normative ethical principles are widely, but by no means 
   universally) accepted among hackers. Most hackers subscribe to the hacker
   ethic in sense 1, and many act on it by writing and giving away free
   software.  A few go further and assert that *all* information should be free
   and *any* proprietary control of it is bad; this is the philosophy behind 
   the {GNU} project.

   Sense 2 is more controversial: some people consider the act of cracking 
   itself to be unethical, like breaking and entering. But this principle at
   least moderates the behavior of people who see themselves as `benign' 
   crackers (see also {samurai}). On this view, it is one of the highest forms
   of hackerly courtesy to (a) break into a system, and then (b) explain to the
   sysop, preferably by email from a {superuser} account, exactly how it was 
   done and how the hole can be plugged - acting as an unpaid (and unsolicited)
   {tiger team}.

   The most reliable manifestation of either version of the hacker ethic is 
   that almost all hackers are actively willing to share technical tricks,
   software, and (where possible) computing resources with other hackers. Huge
   cooperative networks such as {USENET}, {Fidonet} and Internet (see {Internet
   address}) can function without central control because of this trait; they
   both rely on and reinforce a sense of community that may be hackerdom's most
   valuable intangible asset.
%%
:hacking run: [analogy with `bombing run' or `speed run'] n. A
   hack session extended long outside normal working times, especially
   one longer than 12 hours.  May cause you to `change phase the hard
   way' (see {phase}).
%%
:Hacking X for Y: [ITS] n. The information ITS made publicly
   available about each user (the INQUIR record) was a sort of form in
   which the user could fill out fields.  On display, two of these
   fields were combined into a project description of the form
   "Hacking X for Y" (e.g., `"Hacking perceptrons for
   Minsky"').  This form of description became traditional and has
   since been carried over to other systems with more general
   facilities for self-advertisement (such as UNIX {plan file}s).
%%
:Hackintosh: n. 1. An Apple Lisa that has been hacked into emulating a
   Macintosh (also called a `Mac XL').  2. A Macintosh assembled
   from parts theoretically belonging to different models in the line.
%%
:hackish: /hak'ish/ adj. (also {hackishness} n.) 1. Said of
   something that is or involves a hack.  2. Of or pertaining to
   hackers or the hacker subculture.  See also {true-hacker}.
%%
:hackishness: n. The quality of being or involving a hack.  This
   term is considered mildly silly.  Syn.  {hackitude}.
%%
:hackitude: n. Syn. {hackishness}; this word is considered sillier.
%%
:hair: [back-formation from {hairy}] n. The complications that
   make something hairy.  "Decoding {TECO} commands requires a
   certain amount of hair."  Often seen in the phrase `infinite
   hair', which connotes extreme complexity.  Also in `hairiferous'
   (tending to promote hair growth): "GNUMACS elisp encourages lusers
   to write complex editing modes."  "Yeah, it's pretty hairiferous
   all right." (or just: "Hair squared!")
%%
:hairy: adj. 1. Annoyingly complicated.  "{DWIM} is incredibly
   hairy."  2. Incomprehensible.  "{DWIM} is incredibly hairy."
   3. Of people, high-powered, authoritative, rare, expert, and/or
   incomprehensible.  Hard to explain except in context: "He knows
   this hairy lawyer who says there's nothing to worry about."  See
   also {hirsute}.

   The adjective `long-haired' is well-attested to have been in
   slang use among scientists and engineers during the early 1950s; it
   was equivalent to modern `hairy' senses 1 and 2, and was very
   likely ancestral to the hackish use.  In fact the noun
   `long-hair' was at the time used to describe a person satisfying
   sense 3.  Both senses probably passed out of use when long hair
   was adopted as a signature trait by the 1960s counterculture,
   leaving hackish `hairy' as a sort of stunted mutant relic.
%%
:hakspek: /hak'speek/ n. A shorthand method of spelling found on
   many British academic bulletin boards and {talker system}s.
   Syllables and whole words in a sentence are replaced by single
   ASCII characters the names of which are phonetically similar or
   equivalent, while multiple letters are usually dropped.  Hence,
   `for' becomes `4'; `two', `too', and `to' become `2'; `ck'
   becomes `k'.  "Before I see you tomorrow" becomes "b4 i c u
   2moro".  First appeared in London about 1986, and was probably
   caused by the slowness of available talker systems, which
   operated on archaic machines with outdated operating systems and
   no standard methods of communication.  Has become rarer since.
   See also {talk mode}.
%%
:hammer: vt. Commonwealth hackish syn. for {bang on}.
%%
:hamster: n. 1. [Fairchild] A particularly slick little piece of
   code that does one thing well; a small, self-contained hack.  The
   image is of a hamster happily spinning its exercise wheel.  2. A
   tailless mouse; that is, one with an infrared link to a receiver on
   the machine, as opposed to the conventional cable.  3. [UK] Any
   item of hardware made by Amstrad, a company famous for its cheap
   plastic PC-almost-compatibles.
%%
:hand-hacking: n. 1. The practice of translating {hot spot}s from
   an {HLL} into hand-tuned assembler, as opposed to trying to
   coerce the compiler into generating better code.  Both the term and
   the practice are becoming uncommon.  See {tune}, {bum}, {by
   hand}; syn.  with v. {cruft}.  2. More generally, manual
   construction or patching of data sets that would normally be
   generated by a translation utility and interpreted by another
   program, and aren't really designed to be read or modified by
   humans.
%%
:handle: [from CB slang] n.  An electronic pseudonym; a `nom de
   guerre' intended to conceal the user's true identity.  Network and
   BBS handles function as the same sort of simultaneous concealment
   and display one finds on Citizen's Band radio, from which the term
   was adopted.  Use of grandiose handles is characteristic of
   {cracker}s, {weenie}s, {spod}s, and other lower forms of
   network life; true hackers travel on their own reputations rather
   than invented legendry.
%%
:hand-roll: [from obs. mainstream slang `hand-rolled' in
   opposition to `ready-made', referring to cigarettes] v. To
   perform a normally automated software installation or configuration
   process {by hand}; implies that the normal process failed due to
   bugs in the configurator or was defeated by something exceptional
   in the local environment.  "The worst thing about being a gateway
   between four different nets is having to hand-roll a new sendmail
   configuration every time any of them upgrades."
%%
:handshaking: n. Hardware or software activity designed to start or
   keep two machines or programs in synchronization as they {do
   protocol}.  Often applied to human activity; thus, a hacker might
   watch two people in conversation nodding their heads to indicate
   that they have heard each others' points and say "Oh, they're
   handshaking!".  See also {protocol}.
%%
:handwave: [poss. from gestures characteristic of stage magicians]
   1. v. To gloss over a complex point; to distract a listener; to
   support a (possibly actually valid) point with blatantly faulty
   logic.  2. n. The act of handwaving.  "Boy, what a handwave!"

   If someone starts a sentence with "Clearly..." or
   "Obviously..." or "It is self-evident that...", it is
   a good bet he is about to handwave (alternatively, use of these
   constructions in a sarcastic tone before a paraphrase of someone
   else's argument suggests that it is a handwave).  The theory behind
   this term is that if you wave your hands at the right moment, the
   listener may be sufficiently distracted to not notice that what you
   have said is {bogus}.  Failing that, if a listener does object,
   you might try to dismiss the objection with a wave of your hand.

   The use of this word is often accompanied by gestures: both hands
   up, palms forward, swinging the hands in a vertical plane pivoting
   at the elbows and/or shoulders (depending on the magnitude of the
   handwave); alternatively, holding the forearms in one position
   while rotating the hands at the wrist to make them flutter.  In
   context, the gestures alone can suffice as a remark; if a speaker
   makes an outrageously unsupported assumption, you might simply wave
   your hands in this way, as an accusation, far more eloquent than
   words could express, that his logic is faulty.
%%
:hang: v. 1. To wait for an event that will never occur.  "The
   system is hanging because it can't read from the crashed drive".
   See {wedged}, {hung}.  2. To wait for some event to occur; to
   hang around until something happens.  "The program displays a menu
   and then hangs until you type a character."  Compare {block}.
   3. To attach a peripheral device, esp. in the construction `hang
   off':  "We're going to hang another tape drive off the file
   server."  Implies a device attached with cables, rather than
   something that is strictly inside the machine's chassis.
%%
:Hanlon's Razor: prov. A corollary of {Finagle's Law}, similar to
   Occam's Razor, that reads "Never attribute to malice that which can
   be adequately explained by stupidity."  The derivation of the
   common title Hanlon's Razor is unknown; a similar epigram has been
   attributed to William James.  Quoted here because it seems to be a
   particular favorite of hackers, often showing up in {fortune
   cookie} files and the login banners of BBS systems and commercial
   networks.  This probably reflects the hacker's daily experience of
   environments created by well-intentioned but short-sighted people.
%%
:happily: adv.  Of software, used to emphasize that a program is
   unaware of some important fact about its environment, either
   because it has been fooled into believing a lie, or because it
   doesn't care.  The sense of `happy' here is not that of elation,
   but rather that of blissful ignorance.  "The program continues to
   run, happily unaware that its output is going to /dev/null."
%%
:haque: /hak/ [USENET] n. Variant spelling of {hack}, used
   only for the noun form and connoting an {elegant} hack.
%%
:hard boot: n. See {boot}.
%%
:hardcoded: adj. 1. Said of data inserted directly into a program,
   where it cannot be easily modified, as opposed to data in some
   {profile}, resource (see {de-rezz} sense 2), or environment
   variable that a {user} or hacker can easily modify.  2. In C,
   this is esp. applied to use of a literal instead of a
   `#define' macro (see {magic number}).
%%
:hardwarily: /hard-weir'*-lee/ adv. In a way pertaining to
   hardware.  "The system is hardwarily unreliable."  The adjective
   `hardwary' is *not* traditionally used, though it has recently
   been reported from the U.K.  See {softwarily}.
%%
:hardwired: adj. 1. In software, syn. for {hardcoded}.  2. By
   extension, anything that is not modifiable, especially in the sense
   of customizable to one's particular needs or tastes.
%%
:has the X nature: [seems to derive from Zen Buddhist koans of the
   form "Does an X have the Buddha-nature?"] adj. Common hacker
   construction for `is an X', used for humorous emphasis.  "Anyone
   who can't even use a program with on-screen help embedded in it
   truly has the {loser} nature!"  See also {the X that can be Y
   is not the true X}.
%%
:hash bucket: n. A notional receptacle into which more than one
   thing accessed by the same key or short code might be dropped.
   When you look up a name in the phone book (for example), you
   typically hash it by extracting its first letter; the hash buckets
   are the alphabetically ordered letter sections.  This is used as
   techspeak with respect to code that uses actual hash functions; in
   jargon, it is used for human associative memory as well.  Thus, two
   things `in the same hash bucket' may be confused with each other.
   "If you hash English words only by length, you get too many common
   grammar words in the first couple of hash buckets." Compare {hash
   collision}.
%%
:hash collision: [from the technical usage] n. (var. `hash
   clash') When used of people, signifies a confusion in associative
   memory or imagination, especially a persistent one (see
   {thinko}).  True story: One of us [ESR] was once on the phone
   with a friend about to move out to Berkeley.  When asked what he
   expected Berkeley to be like, the friend replied: "Well, I have
   this mental picture of naked women throwing Molotov cocktails, but
   I think that's just a collision in my hash tables."  Compare
   {hash bucket}.
%%
:hat: n. Common (spoken) name for the circumflex (`^', ASCII
   1011110) character.  See {ASCII} for other synonyms.
%%
:HCF: /H-C-F/ n. Mnemonic for `Halt and Catch Fire', any of
   several undocumented and semi-mythical machine instructions with
   destructive side-effects, supposedly included for test purposes on
   several well-known architectures going as far back as the IBM 360.
   The MC6800 microprocessor was the first for which an HCF opcode
   became widely known.  This instruction caused the processor to
   {toggle} a subset of the bus lines as rapidly as it could; in
   some configurations this could actually cause lines to burn
   up.
%%
:heads down: [Sun] adj. Concentrating, usually so heavily and for so
   long that everything outside the focus area is missed.  See also
   {hack mode} and {larval stage}, although it is not confined to
   fledgling hackers.
%%
:heartbeat: n. 1. The signal emitted by a Level 2 Ethernet
   transceiver at the end of every packet to show that the
   collision-detection circuit is still connected.  2. A periodic
   synchronization signal used by software or hardware, such as a bus
   clock or a periodic interrupt.  3. The `natural' oscillation
   frequency of a computer's clock crystal, before frequency division
   down to the machine's clock rate.  4. A signal emitted at regular
   intervals by software to demonstrate that it is still alive.
   Sometimes hardware is designed to reboot the machine if it stops
   hearing a heartbeat.  See also {breath-of-life packet}.
%%
:heatseeker: [IBM] n. A customer who can be relied upon to always
   buy the latest version of an existing product (not quite the same
   as a member the {lunatic fringe}).  A 1992 example of a
   heatseeker is someone who, owning a 286 PC and Windows 3.0, goes
   out and buys Windows 3.1 (which offers no worthwhile benefits
   unless you have a 386).  If all customers were heatseekers, vast
   amounts of money could be made by just fixing the bugs in each
   release (n) and selling it to them as release (n+1).
%%
:heavy metal: [Cambridge] n. Syn. {big iron}.
%%
:heavy wizardry: n. Code or designs that trade on a particularly
   intimate knowledge or experience of a particular operating system
   or language or complex application interface.  Distinguished from
   {deep magic}, which trades more on arcane *theoretical*
   knowledge.  Writing device drivers is heavy wizardry; so is
   interfacing to {X} (sense 2) without a toolkit.  Esp. found in
   comments similar to "Heavy wizardry begins here ...".  Compare
   {voodoo programming}.
%%
"All my friends and I are crazy.
That's the only thing that keeps us sane"
%%
"All science is either physics or stamp collecting."
-- E. Rutherford
%%
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."
-- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
"Don't go in there, there's a bomb in there!"
-- anonymous police officer, Leeds
%%
"I am Pentium of Borg.
Division is futile.
You will all be approximated."
%%
"I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them."
-- Isaac Asimov
%%
"I hate quotations."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
"I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres."
-- Warren Knox
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but I have to stay home and see if I snore."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but I move into a convent tonight."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but I'm converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but I'm having all my plants neutered."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but it's my parakeet's bowling night."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but my favourite commercial is on TV."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but the man on my television told me to stay tuned."
%%
"I'd love to go out with you,
but there are important world issues that need worrying about."
%%
"I'm a little C coder
Short and stout,
Here's my linker,
Here's my stdout."
%%
"It's bad luck to be superstitious."
-- Andrew W. Mathis
%%
"Look at it this way: MSDOS is an overgrown program loader;
the MacOS is an overgrown user interface. Neither is an operating system,
but the second is better for running applications."
-- Paul Placeway
%%
"Switzerland only seems small because it's all folded up.
If you opened it out, it would be bigger than the United States."
-- Neil Kinnock
%%
"The important thing is not to stop questioning."
-- Albert Einstein
%%
"The president of the United States is not a crook"
-- The President of the United States
%%
"The tide is turning ... the enemy is suffering terrible losses..."
-- Gen. Geo.A.Custer
%%
"Violence never settles anything"
-- Ghengis Khan
%%
/* You are not expected to understand this */
%%
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
%%
99.87% of the solar system's weight is in the sun.
%%
A bad compromise is better than a good battle.
%%
A bird in the bush can't relieve itself in your hand.
%%
A bird in the hand does it on your wrist.
%%
A clove of garlic a day keeps your best friends away.
%%
A corophagist eats dung.
%%
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
%%
A divorce is an agreement made
when a couple can agree on nothing else.
%%
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
%%
A flashback is a man with his raincoat on backwards.
%%
A great empire, like a great cake,
is most easily diminished at the edges.
%%
A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.
%%
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
%%
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
%%
A kiss on the hand might feel very good,
but a diamond tiara lasts forever.
%%
A liberal is someone too poor to be a
capitalist and too rich to be a communist.
%%
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
%%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%%
A man's tie should never be louder than his wife.
%%
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
%%
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
%%
A Puritan is someone who is afraid that
someone somewhere is having fun.
%%
A racehorse is an animal
that can take several thousand people for a ride at once.
%%
A rumour has it that rumours are just rumours.
%%
A Smith and Weston beats four aces.
%%
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
%%
A sword sometimes misses its mark -- a bouquet never.
%%
A thing not worth doing is worth not doing well.
%%
A volcano is a mountain with hiccups.
%%
A winner never quits. A quitter never wins.
%%
A wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
%%
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
%%
According to the latest official figures,
43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
%%
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
%%
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
%%
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
%%
Air hostesses have the lowest divorce rate amoung working women.
%%
Alienation can be fun.
%%
All heiresses are beautiful.
%%
All in all, it's just another brick in the wall ...
%%
All monsters are created evil, but some are more evil than others.
%%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%%
All the wild camels in the world live in Australia.
%%
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
%%
Always attack a floating Eye from behind!
%%
Always be aware of the phase of the moon!
%%
Always do right.
This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.
%%
An angry man is seldom reasonable,
a reasonable man is seldom angry.
%%
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors
as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
%%
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
%%
Anticipated events never live up to expectations.
%%
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to sell it.
%%
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
%%
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
%%
Anyone who paints the sky green should be sterilized at once.
%%
Anytime things appear to be going better,
you have overlooked something.
%%
Aren't computers wonderful?
%%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%%
As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
%%
Avoid reality at all costs.
%%
Australia: where men are men and sheep are nervous.
%%
Back up my hard drive?  How do I put it in reverse?
%%
Balrogs only appear on the deeper levels.
%%
Batman loves Robin.
%%
Be careful when the moon is in its last quarter.
%%
Be careful when throwing a boomerang -
you might hit the back of your head.
%%
Be friends with the wolf, but keep one hand on your ax.
%%
Beauty is skin deep, ugliness goes all the way through.
%%
Become a gynacologist, look up a friend today.
%%
Begin in the beginning
go on till you come to the end; then stop.
%%
Better go home and play with your kids.
They are just little monsters!
%%
Better latent than never.
%%
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
%%
Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
%%
Better turn back than lose your way.
%%
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
%%
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
%%
Beware of the Jewish Mafia, Kosher Nostra.
%%
Beware of the leopard!
%%
Beware of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
%%
Blame it on Croesus.  It's all his vault!
%%
Blessed be.
%%
Blessed are they that run around in circles,
for they shall be known as wheels.
%%
Blessed is he that expects nothing,
for he shall not be disappointed.
%%
Break rules OK.
%%
Bring back futility.
%%
British Airways: We take more fares off you.
%%
Brown uniforms are real.  Guns are real.
Soldiers are a social fiction.
%%
Bullets don't respect uniforms.
%%
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
%%
Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
%%
Chinese saying:
He who speak with forked tongue not need chopsticks.
%%
Cleanliness is next to godliness.
%%
Close cover before striking.
%%
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
%%
Come back Godot, all is forgiven.
%%
Common Computer Lab Species #1: The ADA Programmer
%%
Found in a corner reading the manual
to decide if it is legal to add two integers.
%%
Common Computer Lab Species #2: The C Programmer
%%
Most commonly seen waving a piece of paper around saying,
"I bet you can't guess what this does."
%%
Common sense is not very common.
%%
Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
%%
Cookery books outsell sex books in the USA by three to one.
%%
Could acne be the work of a sane God?
%%
Courage is grace under pressure.
%%
Crazy paving ain't all it's cracked up to be!
%%
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
%%
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best
and knowing why.
%%
Death before dishonour, drugs before lunch.
%%
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
%%
Death is the price of evolution.
%%
Death to all fanatics!
%%
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than
half of the people are right more than half of the time.
%%
Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.
%%
Depressive neurosis is nothing to laugh about.
%%
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
%%
Desk: A wastebin with drawers.
%%
Discretion is the better part of valor.
%%
Disk Drive: a machine for collecting dust.
Disk Head: the point where most dust is collected.
Disk: a circular piece of material for wiping dust off the disk head.
%%
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
%%
Do not take life too seriously:
you will never get out of it alive.
%%
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
%%
Do something big today: lift a boulder.
%%
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
%%
Do you ever get the feeling that the story's too damn real?
%%
Dogs do not eat when the moon is full.
%%
Doing beats stewing.
%%
Dolphin!
%%
Don't be humble, you're not that great.
%%
Don't comment bad code -- rewrite it.
%%
Don't despair --
your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
%%
Don't eat yellow snow.
%%
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
%%
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
%%
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
%%
Don't make yourself too comfortable.
You'll be leaving soon.
%%
Don't quit now,
we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
%%
Don't stop at one bug.
%%
Don't tell a soul you found a secret door,
otherwise it isn't secret anymore.
%%
Donald Duck isn't all he's quacked up to be.
%%
Drive defensively - buy a tank.
%%
Drugs are for people who can't handle reality.
%%
Due to lack of interest, today has been cancelled.
%%
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
%%
Entropy requires no maintainance.
%%
Eschatology's days are numbered.
%%
Eschew obfuscation.
%%
Eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it.
%%
Euclid was square.
%%
Even an abstract virtue needs an occasional break.
%%
Even dirty old men need love.
%%
Even great wizards turn pale at the
mere mention of the name Yog Sothoth.
%%
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
%%
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
%%
Ever tried to put a Troll into a large box?
%%
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
%%
Every creature has within itself
the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
%%
Every man has a scheme that will not work.
%%
Every nation has the government it deserves.
%%
Every silver lining has a cloud inside it.
%%
Everybody needs a little love sometime.
%%
Everybody ought to have a friend.
%%
Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some don't have film.
%%
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
%%
Everything begins with E.
%%
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
%%
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
%%
Everything you know is wrong!
%%
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
%%
Fear has big eyes.
%%
Feel the force Luke.
%%
Feudalism: Its your count that votes.
%%
Fidelity:
A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
%%
Fight for apathy.
%%
Finagle's Law:
The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
%%
Flee at once, all is discovered.
%%
Florists are just petal pushers.
%%
Fnord!
%%
For any remedy there is a misery.
%%
For every minute you are angry,
you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
%%
Forgive your enemies and they will return a hundredfold.
%%
Free speech has no limits, for those who can afford the fines.
%%
Friends may come and friends may go, enemies accumulate.
%%
George Orwell was an optimist.
%%
George Washington grew marijuana.
%%
Give me Librium or give me death.
%%
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
%%
Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect �200.
%%
Goat's milk is udder joy.
%%
God does not play dice.
%%
God helps them that help themselves.
%%
God is alive, she just doesn't want to get involved.
%%
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
%%
God may be subtle, but She isn't mean.
%%
God must love the common man: They are so common.
%%
Gold is a heavy metal.
%%
Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
%%
Good intentions randomize behavior.
%%
Gossip is the opiate of the depressed.
%%
Hackers do it with bugs.
%%
Hail Eris!  All hail Discordia!
%%
Half Moon tonight.
(At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
%%
He isn't dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
%%
He who comes latest, is always the greatest.
%%
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
%%
He who hesitates looses the parking spot.
%%
He who laughs, lasts.
%%
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
%%
He who spends a storm beneath a tree,
takes life with a grain of TNT.
%%
Hell is a good place to visit,
but you wouldn't want to live there.
%%
Hell is empty and all the devils are here.  [The Tempest]
%%
Hire the morally handicapped.
%%
Honi soit la vache qui rit.
%%
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if..."
%%
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
%%
Hope has a place in the lover's heart.
%%
How many weeks are there in a light year?
%%
How sharper than a hound's
tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
%%
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
%%
How you look depends on where you go.
%%
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
%%
I am not a number, I am a free man.
%%
I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
%%
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time either.
%%
I don't want to be worshipped, I want to be loved.
%%
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
%%
I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
%%
I like work; it fascinates me;
I can sit and watch it for hours.
%%
I just got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory.
%%
I smell a maze of twisty little passages all alike.
%%
I was a victim of a series of accidents,
as are we all.
%%
I was an athiest until I realised I was God.
%%
I will see it when I believe it.
%%
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
%%
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
%%
I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
%%
I'm always late.  My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
%%
I'm empty and aching and I don't know why.
%%
If a group of N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there
will be N-1 passes: Someone in the group has to be the manager.
%%
If a listener nods his head when you are
explaining your program, wake him up.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, get new batteries.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
%%
If at first you *do* succeed
try to hide your astonishment.
%%
If everyone was locked up it would be safe on the streets.
%%
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it.
%%
If it's worth doing, its worth doing for money.
%%
If the human brain was simple enough to understand,
we'd be so stupid we couldn't.
%%
If there's anything worse than a woman living alone,
it's a woman saying she likes it.
%%
If voting could change things it would be illegal.
%%
If we knew where we were going to fall,
we could have put a cushion there.
%%
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
%%
If you can't learn to do it well,
learn to enjoy doing it badly.
%%
If you don't know what the program will do,
you'd better not start writing it.
%%
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
%%
If you sleep under the bed you must be a little potty.
%%
If you speak when you are angry,
you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
%%
If you think before you speak
the other guy gets his joke in first.
%%
If you tickle yourself, you can laugh when you please.
%%
If you want a fortune cookie, go to a Chinese restaurant.
%%
If you want to know how old a man is,
ask his brother-in-law.
%%
If you're beautiful, admit it.
%%
If you're not part of the solution,
you're part of the precipitate.
%%
Ignorance is a lack of knowledge.
Stupidity is ignorance with pride.
%%
Ignorance is bliss.
%%
Ignorance is when you don't know
anything and somebody finds it out.
%%
In capitalism, man exploits man.
In socialism it's the other way round.
%%
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
%%
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
%%
In unanimity there is cowardice and uncritical thinking.
%%
In wickedness there is a strong strain toward rationality.
%%
Inside every large program
is a small program struggling to get out.
%%
Integrity has no need for rules.
%%
It could be worse - you could have an Atari ST.
%%
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
%%
It is an offence to slam a car door in Switzerland.
%%
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
%%
It is better to have loved and lost
than just to have lost.
%%
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program
than vice versa.
%%
It is easier to fight for one's principles
than to live up to them.
%%
It is easier to write an incorrect program
than to understand a correct one.
%%
It is easy to get lost on a twisting path.
%%
It is my firm belief that it is a mistake to hold firm beliefs.
%%
It steam engines when it comes steam engine time.
%%
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
%%
It's all in the mind, ya know.
%%
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
%%
It's gotta be rock roll music,
If you wanna dance with me...
%%
It's late, you should go home.
%%
It's later than you think.
%%
Its not the men in your life that count,
its the life in your men.
%%
Jen fa Ti.  Ti fa T'sein.  T'sein fa Tao.  Tao fa tzu-jan.
%%
Jog - and die healthy.
%%
Kilroy is dead.
%%
Kings rule men, wise men rule kings.
%%
KISS - Keep It Simple, Stupid.
%%
Kiwis are the only bird to hunt by smell.
%%
Know the difference between a prophet and a profit.
%%
Lassie kills chickens.
%%
Last guys don't finish nice.
%%
Laugh, and the world ignores you.
Crying doesn't help either.
%%
Leap before you look.
%%
Leda loves swans.
%%
Less is more.
%%
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
%%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
%%
Let sleeping dogs lie.
%%
Let the machine do the dirty work.
%%
Let your conscience be your guide.
%%
Let's face it: this time you're not going to win.
%%
Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth.
%%
Life as we know it doesn't exist.
%%
Life, don't talk to me about life...
%%
Life is a hereditary disease.
%%
Life is full of little surprises,
and you are one of them.
%%
Life is like a sewer,
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
%%
Life is like an analogy.
%%
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
%%
Linda Lovelace's mother went down on the Titanic.
%%
Lisp programmers know the value of everything
and the cost of nothing.
%%
Live a clean, healthy life
and you will soon die of boredom.
%%
Live within your income,
even if you have to borrow to do so.
%%
Loatians measure distance in terms
of the time it takes to cook rice.
%%
Long computations that yield zero
are probably all for naught.
%%
Long life is in store for you.
%%
Look before you leap.
%%
Look both ways before crossing the street.
%%
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
%%
Love conquers all things.
%%
Love is a many-gendered thing.
%%
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
%%
Love means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
Love thy neighbour - but don't get caught.
%%
Make it right before you make it faster.
%%
Man who falls in blast furnace
is certain to feel overwrought.
%%
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass
makes spectacle of self.
%%
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
%%
Many are called, few volunteer.
%%
Many pages make a thick book.
%%
Many pages make a tree.
%%
Many receive advice, few profit from it.
%%
Marriage is like a dull meal,
with the dessert at the beginning.
%%
Mary Poppins shouldn't fly without underwear.
%%
Might as well be frank, Monsieur.
It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.
%%
Mind your own business, Spock.
I'm sick of your half-breed interference.
%%
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
%%
Moderation is a fatal thing.
Nothing succeeds like excess.
%%
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
%%
Money can`t buy me love.
%%
Money is the root of all evil.
%%
Money is information.
%%
Moo?
%%
More than half the men on Corfu are called Spiro.
%%
Morse code rules ... ---
%%
Most fortunes are just as misleading as this one.
%%
Murder is an excellent way of
dealing with a hostility problem.
%%
Murphy's Military Laws:
1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
%%
Murphy's Military Laws:
3. Friendly fire isn't.
%%
My karma has just run over my dogma.
%%
Never believe what a computer tells you.
%%
Never cheat a Klingon -
unless you're sure you can get away with it.
%%
Never eat anything larger than your head.
%%
Never insult an alligator
until you have crossed the river.
%%
Never kick a sleeping dog.
%%
Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
%%
Never meddle in the affairs of Wizards:
it makes them soggy and hard to light.
%%
Never play darts with a Klingon.
%%
Never settle with words what you
can accomplish with a flame thrower.
%%
Never take advice from a computer.
%%
Never take other people's advice.
%%
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.
%%
Never try to teach a pig to sing:
it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
%%
Never vomit on a door mat.
%%
No amount of genius can
overcome a preoccupation with detail.
%%
No arms for the Venus de Milo.
%%
No civilized person ever goes
to bed the same day he gets up.
%%
No one can feel as helpless
as the owner of a sick goldfish.
%%
No one ever became a big success
through listening to his mother.
%%
No one throws a stone at a barren tree.
%%
No part of this fortune may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, ...
%%
No problem is insoluble
in all conceivable circumstances.
%%
No wife, no horse, no mustache.
%%
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
%%
Norman Wisdom is a contradiction in terms.
%%
Nothing astonishes men so
much as common sense and plain dealing.
%%
Nothing endures like change.
%%
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
%%
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
%%
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
%%
Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
%%
Of all forms of caution,
caution in love is the most fatal.
%%
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
%%
Oh, what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to conceive.
%%
Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
%%
On a hot summer night
would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
%%
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
%%
Once you understand how to write a program,
get someone else to write it.
%%
One in every 2000 babies is born with teeth.
%%
One legged girls are a pushover.
%%
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
%%
One man's constant is another man's variable.
%%
Only those who attempt the absurd achieve the impossible.
%%
Opportunity knocks but once.
%%
Optimization hinders evolution.
%%
Overall there is a smell of fried onions.
%%
Pay attention or you will miss all the best jokes.
%%
People oppose things because they are ignorant of them.
%%
People who hate the light usually hate the truth.
%%
People who take cat naps
don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
%%
Perry Mason bribes judges.
%%
Phone your mother,
maybe she hasn't had any problems lately.
%%
PLEASE ignore previous fortune.
%%
Posh glue sniffers are stuck up.
%%
Power is poison.
%%
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
%%
Promptness is its own reward,
if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
%%
Punishment is a blessing in disguise.
%%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
%%
Pythagoras can't do the cube.
%%
Quantity is no substitute for quality,
but it's the only one we've got.
%%
Que sera sera.
%%
Questions are burdens for the mind,
answers are prisons for the soul.
%%
Quit work and play for once!
%%
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
%%
Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts frequently make
a delightful meal for visiting Tourists.
%%
Read the fine print.
%%
Reading is thinking with someone
else's head instead of one's own.
%%
Reading this fortune confuses you.
%%
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
%%
Recursion is the root of computation
since it trades description for time.
%%
Repent today...you might be too busy tomorrow.
%%
Return to sender, address unknown
No such number, no such zone...
%%
Rotten wood can not be carved.
%%
Satisfy your cravings.  Contact the nearest drug ring.
%%
Scissors cut paper...
%%
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
%%
Shower Song part 1:

"I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song;
Stop me if you've heard it.
My skin is all soapy and my hair is wet
And 'Tegrin' spelled backward is 'Nirget'"

"Lather, rinse, repeat,
Lather, rinse, repeat,
Lather, rinse, repeat
As needed."
%%
Sibling rivalry is for children.
%%
Silence those that oppose free speech.
%%
Sin against God is one thing;
sinning against man is worse.
%%
Sleep with the rememberance of death,
rise with the thought that you will not live long.
%%
Smile!  someone may have a hidden camera.
%%
Smile, it makes the world wonder what you are up to.
%%
Snails can sleep for four years at a time.
%%
Snoopy has fleas.
%%
Snow Day -- stay home.
%%
Some days the bear will eat you,
Some days you eat the bear.
%%
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
%%
Someone is enthusiastic about your work.
%%
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
Something tells me it's all happening at the zoo...
%%
Sooner will men hold fire in
their mouths than keep a secret.
%%
Sorry, no fortune this time. Better luck next time!
%%
Speed Kills (The Doors)
%%
Spoon!
%%
St Peter's Rome would fit inside the
Grotto dei Giganti a cave near Trieste.
%%
St Vincent, patron saint of wine, was a teetotaller.
%%
Standing on head makes smile of frown,
but rest of face also upside down.
%%
Start the day with a smile - get it over with.
%%
Stop searching forever: happiness is just next to you.
%%
Stop searching forever: happiness is unattainable.
%%
Sturgeon's Law: Ninety percent of everything is crud.
%%
Success is a journey, not a destination.
%%
Swan!
%%
Sweet voiced birds are imprisoned,
Owls are not kept in cages.
%%
Sydney Opera House is off-Quay.
%%
Tact is the art of making a
point without making an enemy.
%%
Take care of the luxuries and the
necessities will take care of themselves.
%%
Tarantulas can live for two and a half years without food.
%%
Taste is the feminine of genius.
%%
Telling the truth is not a bad habit.
%%
That which is not good for the swarm,
neither is it good for the bee.
%%
The alchemist dies in pain and frustration -
while the fool finds treasure in a ruin.
%%
The attacker must vanquish;
the defender need only survive.
%%
The average man does not want much,
and usually gets less.
%%
The Berlin-Bagdad railway was started
in 1888 and finished in 1940.
%%
The best prophet of the future is the past.
%%
The best way of dealing with a hothead
is to give him the cold shoulder.
%%
The caterpillar cannot understand the butterfly.
%%
The cow may be black, but the milk comes out white.
%%
The degree of civilization in a society
can be judged by entering its prisons.
%%
The door is the key.
%%
The early worm gets the bird.
%%
The earth shall inherit the meek.
%%
The electric blanket was invented in 1949.
%%
The ends justify the means.
%%
The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.
%%
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
%%
The Fonz is cool - but Elvis is cold.
%%
The future is his who knows how to wait.
%%
The future isn't what it used to be.  It never was.
%%
The gate is gateless.
%%
The Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
%%
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
%%
The Law of Least Astonishment:
The most obvious way of doing something is the correct way.
%%
The law of the excluded middle
either rules or does not rule OK.
%%
The life that is unexamined is not worth living.
%%
The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
%%
The man who can smile when things go
wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
%%
The man who makes no mistakes
does not usually make anything.
%%
The Marquis de Sade sure knew how to hurt a guy.
%%
The Mona Lisa was framed.
%%
The more things change, the more they remain the same.
%%
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
%%
The octopus has three hearts.
%%
The only difference between
a rut and a grave is their size.
%%
The only way to amuse some people
is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
%%
The opposite of a great truth is also true.
%%
The plural of spouse is spice.
%%
The postman always rings twice.
%%
The price of greatness is responsibility.
%%
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
%%
The shortage will be divided among the poor.
%%
The slower you drive, the farther you get.
%%
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
%%
The sun never set on the British Empire
because the British were scared of the dark.
%%
The time is right to make new friends.
%%
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit,
but noble fruit tastes bad.
%%
The trouble with political jokes is that they tend to get elected.
%%
The universe is laughing behind your back.
%%
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
%%
There Ain't No Such Thing As Government Interference.
%%
There are better information sources than fortune cookies.
%%
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
%%
There are no fnords in the adverts.
%%
There are no gains without pains,
but often there are pains without gains.
%%
There are seven million lamp posts in Britain.
%%
There are two varieties of small furry animals:
ones that bite, and
ones that don't.
%%
There is no enemy anywhere.
%%
There is no friend anywhere.
%%
There is no governor anywhere.
%%
There is no proverb that is not true.
%%
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
%%
There is no sin but ignorance.
%%
There never was a good war or a bad peace.
%%
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold.
%%
There's a place for us, you know the movie song.
%%
There's more to life than meets the mind.
%%
There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
%%
There's only one God,
And he's the sun god,
Ra, Ra, Ra.
%%
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
%%








This fortune intentionally left blank.
%%
This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
%%
This fortune is intended for the private use of our audience.
%%
This is a good time to punt work.
%%
This is a paid political announcement!
%%
This is not a fortune.
%%
This is the unlucky fortune.
The next 24 hours will be a living hell.
%%
This you understand can if FORTH programmer you be can then.
%%
Those of you who think you know everything
are annoying to those of us who do.
%%
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
%%
Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't.
%%
Thunder bolts and lightning very very frightning, Galileo.
%%
Time and tide wait for no man.
%%
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
%%
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
%%
Time is nature's way of making sure
that everything doesn't happen at once.
%%
Timothy Leary is an alcoholic.
%%
To be great is to be misunderstood.
%%
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
%%
To know thyself is the ultimate form of aggression.
%%
To teach is to learn.
%%
Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
%%
Tolkein is Hobbit forming.
%%
Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more!
%%
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
%%
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel anyway.
%%
Try not to think of Maud -- it will only make you maudlin.
%%
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
%%
Try to get paid in advance.
%%
Steady is all right, slow is useless.
%%
Turn the other cheek.
%%
Two men look out through the same bars;
one sees mud, and one the stars.
%%
Uneasy lies the head, but only at first.
The lying gets easier.
%%
Unicorns do it for the money.
%%
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
%%
Volume EARTH: is full ... please delete anyone you can.
%%
Vote Anarchist.
%%
Vote Labour.
%%
Voyeurs Drool, OK.
%%
Wake up, time to die.
%%
Walk softly and carry a big stick.
%%
We all know that no one
understands anything that isn't funny.
%%
We are all related: the same sun dries our rags.
%%
We are always the same age inside.
%%
We give advice,
but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
%%
Whales cannot swim backwards.
%%
What can the tiger catch in the
dark recesses of his own lair?
%%
What did morons do before CB was invented?
%%
What do you mean Flash Gordon approaching?
%%
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
%%
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
%%
When a monkey examines a mirror no wise man looks out.
%%
When choosing between two evils,
always try the one you have never tried before.
%%
When dealing with shapeshifters,
remember the walls *might* have ears.
%%
When in charge, ponder;
when in doubt, mumble;
when in trouble, delegate.
%%
When in doubt, lead trump.
%%
When in doubt, worry.
%%
When it comes to dying for your country,
its better not to die at all.
%%
When we write programs that "learn,"
it turns out that we do and they don't.
%%
When you're in it up to your nose, keep your mouth shut.
%%
When your opponent is down - kick him.
%%
Who is the man in Hong Kong
who looks exactly like Lee Harvey Oswald?
%%
Who is the one more trustworthy
than all the Buddhas and sages?
%%
Who wants to be a millionaire?
%%
Who was that masked man?
%%
Why does free love cost so much?
%%
With clothes the new are best,
with friends the old are best.
%%
With friends like yours who needs enemas?
%%
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
%%
Yog-Sothoth Neblod Zin.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty
little passages, all alike.
%%
You can do more with a kind word and a gun
than you can with only a kind word.
%%
You can never do merely one thing.
%%
You can observe a lot by watching.
%%
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
%%
You cannot trust fortunes.
%%
You don't have to rehearse to be yourself.
%%
You don't know what you've got till it's gone.
%%
You feel like someone is pulling your leg.
%%
You fill a much-needed gap.
%%
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
%%
You have a tendency to feel
you are superior to most computers.
%%
You have an ambitious nature
and may make a name for yourself.
%%
You have the right to remain silent.
%%
You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
%%
You never get a hangover from other people's vodka.
%%
You should suffer for your wickedness!
%%
You shoulda toined left at Albequoique!
%%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%%
You will be amazed how many people agree with you
if you keep your mouth shut.
%%
You will be rich or famous.
%%
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
%%
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
%%
You will meet a short, light stranger for a change.
%%
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
%%
You won't get away this time, Baggins!
%%
You'll never be the man your mother was.
%%
You're never alone with schizophrenia.
%%
:heavyweight: adj. High-overhead; {baroque}; code-intensive;
   featureful, but costly.  Esp. used of communication protocols,
   language designs, and any sort of implementation in which maximum
   generality and/or ease of implementation has been pushed at the
   expense of mundane considerations such as speed, memory
   utilization, and startup time.  {EMACS} is a heavyweight editor;
   {X} is an *extremely* heavyweight window system.  This term
   isn't pejorative, but one man's heavyweight is another's
   {elephantine} and a third's {monstrosity}.  Oppose
   `lightweight'.  Usage: now borders on techspeak, especially in
   the compound `heavyweight process'.
%%
:heisenbug: /hi:'zen-buhg/ [from Heisenberg's Uncertainty
   Principle in quantum physics] n. A bug that disappears or alters
   its behavior when one attempts to probe or isolate it.  Antonym of
   {Bohr bug}; see also {mandelbug}, {schroedinbug}.  In C,
   nine out of ten heisenbugs result from either {fandango on core}
   phenomena (esp. lossage related to corruption of the malloc
   {arena}) or errors that {smash the stack}.
%%
:Helen Keller mode: n. 1. State of a hardware or software system
   that is deaf, dumb, and blind, i.e., accepting no input and
   generating no output, usually due to an infinite loop or some other
   excursion into {deep space}.  (Unfair to the real Helen Keller,
   whose success at learning speech was triumphant.)  See also
   {go flatline}, {catatonic}.  2. On IBM PCs under DOS, refers
   to a specific failure mode in which a screen saver has kicked in
   over an {ill-behaved} application which bypasses the interrupts
   the screen saver watches for activity.  Your choices are to try to
   get from the program's current state through a successful
   save-and-exit without being able to see what you're doing, or
   re-boot the machine.  This isn't (strictly speaking) a crash.
%%
:hello, sailor!: interj. Occasional West Coast equivalent of
   {hello, world}; seems to have originated at SAIL, later
   associated with the game {Zork} (which also included "hello,
   aviator" and "hello, implementor").  Originally from the
   traditional hooker's greeting to a swabbie fresh off the boat, of
   course.
%%
:hello, wall!: excl. See {wall}.
%%
:hello, world: interj. 1. The canonical minimal test message in the
   C/UNIX universe.  2. Any of the minimal programs that emit this
   message.  Traditionally, the first program a C coder is supposed to
   write in a new environment is one that just prints "hello, world"
   to standard output (and indeed it is the first example program
   in {K&R}).  Environments that generate an unreasonably large
   executable for this trivial test or which require a {hairy}
   compiler-linker invocation to generate it are considered to
   {lose} (see {X}).  3. Greeting uttered by a hacker making an
   entrance or requesting information from anyone present.  "Hello,
   world!  Is the {VAX} back up yet?"
%%
:hex: n. 1. Short for {{hexadecimal}}, base 16.  2. A 6-pack
   of anything (compare {quad}, sense 2).  Neither usage has
   anything to do with {magic} or {black art}, though the pun is
   appreciated and occasionally used by hackers.  True story: As a
   joke, some hackers once offered some surplus ICs for sale to be
   worn as protective amulets against hostile magic.  The chips were,
   of course, hex inverters.
%%
:hexadecimal:: n. Base 16.  Coined in the early 1960s to replace
   earlier `sexadecimal', which was too racy and amusing for stuffy
   IBM, and later adopted by the rest of the industry.

   Actually, neither term is etymologically pure.  If we take `binary'
   to be paradigmatic, the most etymologically correct term for
   base 10, for example, is `denary', which
   comes from `deni' (ten at a time, ten each), a Latin `distributive'
   number; the corresponding term for base-16 would be something like
   `sendenary'.  `Decimal' is from an ordinal number; the
   corresponding prefix for 6 would imply something like
   `sextidecimal'.  The `sexa-' prefix is Latin but incorrect in this
   context, and `hexa-' is Greek.  The word `octal' is similarly
   incorrect; a correct form would be `octaval' (to go with decimal),
   or `octonary' (to go with binary).  If anyone ever implements a
   base-3 computer, computer scientists will be faced with the
   unprecedented dilemma of a choice between two *correct* forms;
   both `ternary' and `trinary' have a claim to this throne.
%%
:hexit: /hek'sit/ n. A hexadecimal digit (0--9, and A--F or a--f).
   Used by people who claim that there are only *ten* digits,
   dammit; sixteen-fingered human beings are rather rare, despite what
   some keyboard designs might seem to imply (see {space-cadet
   keyboard}).
%%
:HHOK: See {ha ha only serious}.
%%
:HHOS: See {ha ha only serious}.
%%
:hidden flag: [scientific computation] n. An extra option added to a
   routine without changing the calling sequence.  For example,
   instead of adding an explicit input variable to instruct a routine
   to give extra diagnostic output, the programmer might just add a
   test for some otherwise meaningless feature of the existing inputs,
   such as a negative mass.  Liberal use of hidden flags can make a
   program very hard to debug and understand.
%%
:high bit: [from `high-order bit'] n. 1. The most significant
   bit in a byte.  2. By extension, the most significant part of
   something other than a data byte: "Spare me the whole {saga},
   just give me the high bit."  See also {meta bit}, {hobbit},
   {dread high-bit disease}, and compare the mainstream slang
   `bottom line'.
%%
:high moby: /hi:' mohb'ee/ n. The high half of a 512K
   {PDP-10}'s physical address space; the other half was of course
   the low moby.  This usage has been generalized in a way that has
   outlasted the {PDP-10}; for example, at the 1990 Washington D.C.
   Area Science Fiction Conclave (Disclave), when a miscommunication
   resulted in two separate wakes being held in commemoration of the
   shutdown of MIT's last {{ITS}} machines, the one on the upper
   floor was dubbed the `high moby' and the other the `low moby'.
   All parties involved {grok}ked this instantly.  See {moby}.
%%
:highly: [scientific computation] adv. The preferred modifier for
   overstating an understatement.  As in: `highly nonoptimal', the
   worst possible way to do something; `highly nontrivial', either
   impossible or requiring a major research project; `highly
   nonlinear', completely erratic and unpredictable; `highly
   nontechnical', drivel written for {luser}s, oversimplified to the
   point of being misleading or incorrect (compare {drool-proof
   paper}).  In other computing cultures, postfixing of {in the
   extreme} might be preferred.
%%
:hing: // [IRC] n. Fortuitous typo for `hint', now in wide
   intentional use among players of {initgame}.  Compare
   {newsfroup}, {filk}.
%%
:hirsute: adj. Occasionally used humorously as a synonym for {hairy}.
%%
:HLL: /H-L-L/ n. [High-Level Language (as opposed to assembler)]
   Found primarily in email and news rather than speech.  Rarely, the
   variants `VHLL' and `MLL' are found.  VHLL stands for
   `Very-High-Level Language' and is used to describe a
   {bondage-and-discipline language} that the speaker happens to
   like; Prolog and Backus's FP are often called VHLLs.  `MLL' stands
   for `Medium-Level Language' and is sometimes used half-jokingly to
   describe {C}, alluding to its `structured-assembler' image.
   See also {languages of choice}.
%%
:hobbit: n. 1. The High Order Bit of a byte; same as the {meta
   bit} or {high bit}.  2. The non-ITS name of vad@ai.mit.edu
   (*Hobbit*), master of lasers.
%%
:hog: n.,vt. 1. Favored term to describe programs or hardware that
   seem to eat far more than their share of a system's resources,
   esp. those which noticeably degrade interactive response.
   *Not* used of programs that are simply extremely large or
   complex or that are merely painfully slow themselves (see {pig,
   run like a}).  More often than not encountered in qualified forms,
   e.g., `memory hog', `core hog', `hog the processor', `hog
   the disk'.  "A controller that never gives up the I/O bus
   gets killed after the bus-hog timer expires."   2. Also said
   of *people* who use more than their fair share of resources
   (particularly disk, where it seems that 10% of the people use 90%
   of the disk, no matter how big the disk is or how many people use
   it).  Of course, once disk hogs fill up one filesystem, they
   typically find some other new one to infect, claiming to the
   sysadmin that they have an important new project to complete.
%%
:holy wars: [from {USENET}, but may predate it] n. {flame
   war}s over {religious issues}.  The paper by Danny Cohen that
   popularized the terms {big-endian} and {little-endian} in
   connection with the LSB-first/MSB-first controversy was entitled
   "On Holy Wars and a Plea for Peace".  Other perennial Holy
   Wars have included {EMACS} vs. {vi}, my personal computer vs.
   everyone else's personal computer, {{ITS}} vs. {{UNIX}},
   {{UNIX}} vs. {VMS}, {BSD} UNIX vs. {USG UNIX}, {C} vs.
   {{Pascal}}, {C} vs. {LISP}, etc., ad nauseam.  The
   characteristic that distinguishes holy wars from normal
   technical disputes is that in a holy wars most of the participants
   spend their time trying to pass off personal value choices and
   cultural attachments as objective technical evaluations. See also
   {theology}.
%%
:home box: n. A hacker's personal machine, especially one he or she
   owns.  "Yeah?  Well, *my* home box runs a full 4.2 BSD, so
   there!"
%%
:hook: n. A software or hardware feature included in order to
   simplify later additions or changes by a user.  For example, a
   simple program that prints numbers might always print them in base
   10, but a more flexible version would let a variable determine what
   base to use; setting the variable to 5 would make the program print
   numbers in base 5.  The variable is a simple hook.  An even more
   flexible program might examine the variable and treat a value of 16
   or less as the base to use, but treat any other number as the
   address of a user-supplied routine for printing a number.  This is
   a {hairy} but powerful hook; one can then write a routine to
   print numbers as Roman numerals, say, or as Hebrew characters, and
   plug it into the program through the hook.  Often the difference
   between a good program and a superb one is that the latter has
   useful hooks in judiciously chosen places.  Both may do the
   original job about equally well, but the one with the hooks is much
   more flexible for future expansion of capabilities ({EMACS}, for
   example, is *all* hooks).  The term `user exit' is
   synonymous but much more formal and less hackish.
%%
:hop: n. One file transmission in a series required to get a file
   from point A to point B on a store-and-forward network.  On such
   networks (including {UUCPNET} and {FidoNet}), the important
   inter-machine metric is the number of hops in the shortest path
   between them, rather than their geographical separation.  See
   {bang path}.
%%
:hose: 1. vt. To make non-functional or greatly degraded in
   performance.  "That big ray-tracing program really hoses the
   system."  See {hosed}.  2. n. A narrow channel through which
   data flows under pressure.  Generally denotes data paths that
   represent performance bottlenecks.  3. n. Cabling, especially
   thick Ethernet cable.  This is sometimes called `bit hose' or
   `hosery' (play on `hosiery') or `etherhose'.  See also
   {washing machine}.
%%
:hosed: adj. Same as {down}.  Used primarily by UNIX hackers.
   Humorous: also implies a condition thought to be relatively easy to
   reverse.  Probably derived from the Canadian slang `hoser'
   popularized by the Bob and Doug Mackenzie skits on SCTV.  See
   {hose}.  It is also widely used of people in the mainstream sense
   of `in an extremely unfortunate situation'.

   Once upon a time, a Cray that had been experiencing periodic
   difficulties crashed, and it was announced to have been hosed.
   It was discovered that the crash was due to the disconnection of
   some coolant hoses.  The problem was corrected, and users were then
   assured that everything was OK because the system had been rehosed.
   See also {dehose}.
%%
:hot spot: n. 1. [primarily used by C/UNIX programmers, but
   spreading] It is received wisdom that in most programs, less than
   10% of the code eats 90% of the execution time; if one were to
   graph instruction visits versus code addresses, one would typically
   see a few huge spikes amidst a lot of low-level noise.  Such spikes
   are called `hot spots' and are good candidates for heavy
   optimization or {hand-hacking}.  The term is especially used of
   tight loops and recursions in the code's central algorithm, as
   opposed to (say) initial set-up costs or large but infrequent I/O
   operations.  See {tune}, {bum}, {hand-hacking}.  2. The
   active location of a cursor on a bit-map display.  "Put the
   mouse's hot spot on the `ON' widget and click the left button."
   3. A screen region that is sensitive to mouse clicks, which trigger
   some action.  Hypertext help screens are an example, in which a hot
   spot exists in the vicinity of any word for which additional
   material is available.  4. In a massively parallel computer with
   shared memory, the one location that all 10,000 processors are
   trying to read or write at once (perhaps because they are all doing
   a {busy-wait} on the same lock).
%%
:house wizard: [prob. from ad-agency lingo, `house freak'] n. A
   hacker occupying a technical-specialist, R&D, or systems position
   at a commercial shop.  A really effective house wizard can have
   influence out of all proportion to his/her ostensible rank and
   still not have to wear a suit.  Used esp. of UNIX wizards.  The
   term `house guru' is equivalent.
%%
:HP-SUX: /H-P suhks/ n. Unflattering hackerism for HP-UX,
   Hewlett-Packard's UNIX port, which eatures some truly unique bogosities
   in the filesystem internals and elsewhere (these occasionally create
   portability problems).  HP-UX is often referred to as `hockey-pux'
   inside HP, and one respondent claims that the proper pronunciation
   is /H-P ukkkhhhh/ as though one were about to spit.  Another such
   alternate spelling and pronunciation is "H-PUX" /H-puhks/.
   Hackers at HP/Apollo (the former Apollo Computers which was
   swallowed by HP in 1989) have been heard to complain that
   Mr. Packard should have pushed to have his name first, if for no
   other reason than the greater eloquence of the resulting acronym.
   Compare {AIDX}, {buglix}.  See also {Nominal Semidestructor},
   {Telerat}, {Open DeathTrap}, {ScumOS}, {sun-stools},
   {terminak}.
%%
:huff: v. To compress data using a Huffman code.  Various programs
   that use such methods have been called `HUFF' or some variant
   thereof.  Oppose {puff}.  Compare {crunch}, {compress}.
%%
:humma: // excl. A filler word used on various `chat' and
   `talk' programs when you had nothing to say but felt that it was
   important to say something.  The word apparently originated (at
   least with this definition) on the MECC Timeshare System (MTS, a
   now-defunct educational time-sharing system running in Minnesota
   during the 1970s and the early 1980s) but was later sighted on
   early UNIX systems.
%%
:Humor, Hacker:: n. A distinctive style of shared intellectual humor
   found among hackers, having the following marked characteristics:

   1. Fascination with form-vs.-content jokes, paradoxes, and humor
   having to do with confusion of metalevels (see {meta}).  One way
   to make a hacker laugh: hold a red index card in front of him/her
   with "GREEN" written on it, or vice-versa (note, however, that
   this is funny only the first time).
   2. Elaborate deadpan parodies of large intellectual constructs,
   such as specifications (see {write-only memory}), standards
   documents, language descriptions (see {INTERCAL}), and even
   entire scientific theories (see {quantum bogodynamics},
   {computron}).
   3. Jokes that involve screwily precise reasoning from bizarre,
   ludicrous, or just grossly counter-intuitive premises.
   4. Fascination with puns and wordplay.
   5. A fondness for apparently mindless humor with subversive
   currents of intelligence in it --- for example, old Warner Brothers
   and Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoons, the Marx brothers, the early
   B-52s, and Monty Python's Flying Circus.  Humor that combines this
   trait with elements of high camp and slapstick is especially
   favored.
   6. References to the symbol-object antinomies and associated ideas
   in Zen Buddhism and (less often) Taoism.  See {has the X nature},
   {Discordianism}, {zen}, {ha ha only serious}, {AI koans}.

   See also {filk}, {retrocomputing}, and {appendix B}.  If you
   have an itchy feeling that all 6 of these traits are really aspects
   of one thing that is incredibly difficult to talk about exactly,
   you are (a) correct and (b) responding like a hacker.  These traits
   are also recognizable (though in a less marked form) throughout
   {{science-fiction fandom}}.
%%
:hung: [from `hung up'] adj. Equivalent to {wedged}, but more
   common at UNIX/C sites.  Not generally used of people.  Syn. with
   {locked up}, {wedged}; compare {hosed}.  See also {hang}.
   A hung state is distinguished from {crash}ed or {down}, where the
   program or system is also unusable but because it is not running
   rather than because it is waiting for something.  However, the
   recovery from both situations is often the same.
%%
:hungry puppy: n. Syn. {slopsucker}.
%%
:hungus: /huhng'g*s/ [perhaps related to slang `humongous'] adj.
   Large, unwieldy, usually unmanageable.  "TCP is a hungus piece of
   code."  "This is a hungus set of modifications."
%%
:hyperspace: /hi:'per-spays/ n. A memory location that is *far*
   away from where the program counter should be pointing, often
   inaccessible because it is not even mapped in.  "Another core
   dump --- looks like the program jumped off to hyperspace
   somehow."  (Compare {jump off into never-never land}.)  This
   usage is from the SF notion of a spaceship jumping `into
   hyperspace', that is, taking a shortcut through higher-dimensional
   space --- in other words, bypassing this universe.  The variant
   `east hyperspace' is recorded among CMU and Bliss hackers.
%%
:I didn't change anything!: interj. An aggrieved cry often heard as
   bugs manifest during a regression test.  The {canonical} reply to
   this assertion is "Then it works just the same as it did before,
   doesn't it?"  See also {one-line fix}.  This is also heard from
   applications programmers trying to blame an obvious applications
   problem on an unrelated systems software change, for example a
   divide-by-0 fault after terminals were added to a network.
   Usually, their statement is found to be false.  Upon close
   questioning, they will admit some major restructuring of the
   program that shouldn't have broken anything, in their opinion,
   but which actually {hosed} the code completely.
%%
:I see no X here.: Hackers (and the interactive computer games they
   write) traditionally favor this slightly marked usage over other
   possible equivalents such as "There's no X here!" or "X is
   missing."  or "Where's the X?".  This goes back to the original
   PDP-10 {ADVENT}, which would respond in this wise if you asked
   it to do something involving an object not present at your location
   in the game.
%%
:i14y: // n. Abbrev. for `interoperability', with the `14'
   replacing fourteen letters.  Used in the {X} (windows)
   community.  Refers to portability and compatibility of data formats
   (even binary ones) between different programs or implementations of
   the same program on different machines.
%%
:i18n: // n. Abbrev. for `internationali{z,s}ation', with the 18
   replacing 18 letters.  Used in the {X} (windows) community.
%%
:IBM: /I-B-M/ Inferior But Marketable; It's Better Manually;
   Insidious Black Magic; It's Been Malfunctioning; Incontinent Bowel
   Movement; and a near-{infinite} number of even less complimentary
   expansions, including `International Business Machines'.  See
   {TLA}.  These abbreviations illustrate the considerable
   antipathy most hackers have long felt toward the `industry leader'
   (see {fear and loathing}).

   What galls hackers about most IBM machines above the PC level isn't
   so much that they are underpowered and overpriced (though that does
   count against them), but that the designs are incredibly archaic,
   {crufty}, and {elephantine} ... and you can't *fix* them
   --- source code is locked up tight, and programming tools are
   expensive, hard to find, and bletcherous to use once you've found
   them.  With the release of the UNIX-based RIOS family this may have
   begun to change --- but then, we thought that when the PC-RT came
   out, too.

   In the spirit of universal peace and brotherhood, this lexicon now
   includes a number of entries attributed to `IBM'; these derive from
   some rampantly unofficial jargon lists circulated within IBM's own
   beleaguered hacker underground.
%%
:IBM discount: n. A price increase.  Outside IBM, this derives from
   the common perception that IBM products are generally overpriced
   (see {clone}); inside, it is said to spring from a belief that
   large numbers of IBM employees living in an area cause prices to
   rise.
%%
:ICBM address: n. (Also `missile address') The form used to
   register a site with the USENET mapping project includes a blank
   for longitude and latitude, preferably to seconds-of-arc accuracy.
   This is actually used for generating geographically-correct maps of
   USENET links on a plotter; however, it has become traditional to
   refer to this as one's `ICBM address' or `missile address', and
   many people include it in their {sig block} with that name.
%%
:ice: [coined by USENETter Tom Maddox, popularized by William
   Gibson's cyberpunk SF novels: a contrived acronym for `Intrusion
   Countermeasure Electronics'] Security software (in Gibson's novels,
   software that responds to intrusion by attempting to literally kill
   the intruder).  Also, `icebreaker': a program designed for
   cracking security on a system.  Neither term is in serious use yet
   as of mid-1991, but many hackers find the metaphor attractive, and
   each may develop a denotation in the future.
%%
:idempotent: [from mathematical techspeak] adj. Acting exactly
   once.  This term is often used with respect to {C} header files,
   which contain common definitions and declarations to be included by
   several source files.  If a header file is ever included twice
   during the same compilation (perhaps due to nested #include
   files), compilation errors can result unless the header file has
   protected itself against multiple inclusion; a header file so
   protected is said to be idempotent.  The term can also be used to
   describe an initialization subroutine which is arranged to perform
   some critical action exactly once, even if the routine is called
   several times.
%%
:If you want X, you know where to find it.: There is a legend that
   Dennis Ritchie, inventor of {C}, once responded to demands for
   features resembling those of what at the time was a much more
   popular language by observing "If you want PL/1, you know where to
   find it."  Ever since, this has been hackish standard form for
   fending off requests to alter a new design to mimic some older
   (and, by implication, inferior and {baroque}) one.  The case X =
   {Pascal} manifests semi-regularly on USENET's comp.lang.c
   newsgroup.  Indeed, the case X = X has been reported in
   discussions of graphics software (see {X}).
%%
:ifdef out: /if'def owt/ v. Syn. for {condition out}, specific
   to {C}.
%%
:ill-behaved: adj. 1. [numerical analysis] Said of an algorithm or
   computational method that tends to blow up because of accumulated
   roundoff error or poor convergence properties.  2. Software that
   bypasses the defined {OS} interfaces to do things (like screen,
   keyboard, and disk I/O) itself, often in a way that depends on the
   hardware of the machine it is running on or which is nonportable or
   incompatible with other pieces of software.  In the IBM PC/MS-DOS
   world, there is a folk theorem (nearly true) to the effect that
   (owing to gross inadequacies and performance penalties in the OS
   interface) all interesting applications are ill-behaved.  See also
   {bare metal}. Oppose {well-behaved}, compare {PC-ism}.  See
   {mess-dos}.
%%
:IMHO: // [from SF fandom via USENET; abbreviation for `In My Humble
   Opinion']  "IMHO, mixed-case C names should be avoided, as
   mistyping something in the wrong case can cause hard-to-detect
   errors --- and they look too Pascalish anyhow."  Also seen in
   variant forms such as IMNSHO (In My Not-So-Humble Opinion) and IMAO
   (In My Arrogant Opinion).
%%
:Imminent Death Of The Net Predicted!: [USENET] prov.  Since USENET
   first got off the ground in 1980-81, it has grown exponentially,
   approximately doubling in size every year.  On the other hand, most
   people feel the {signal-to-noise ratio} of USENET has dropped
   steadily.  These trends led, as far back as mid-1983, to predictions of
   the imminent collapse (or death) of the net.  Ten years and
   numerous doublings later, enough of these gloomy prognostications
   have been confounded that the phrase "Imminent Death Of The Net
   Predicted!" has become a running joke, hauled out any time someone
   grumbles about the {S/N ratio} or the huge and steadily
   increasing volume.
%%
:in the extreme: adj. A preferred superlative suffix for many hackish
   terms.  See, for example, `obscure in the extreme' under {obscure},
   and compare {highly}.
%%
:incantation: n. Any particularly arbitrary or obscure command that
   one must mutter at a system to attain a desired result.  Not used
   of passwords or other explicit security features.  Especially used
   of tricks that are so poorly documented they must be learned from a
   {wizard}.  "This compiler normally locates initialized data
   in the data segment, but if you {mutter} the right incantation they
   will be forced into text space."
%%
:include: vt. [USENET] 1. To duplicate a portion (or whole) of
   another's message (typically with attribution to the source) in a
   reply or followup, for clarifying the context of one's response.
   See the the discussion of inclusion styles under "Hacker
   Writing Style".  2. [from {C}] `#include <disclaimer.h>'
   has appeared in {sig block}s to refer to a notional `standard
   {disclaimer} file'.
%%
:include war: n. Excessive multi-leveled including within a
   discussion {thread}, a practice that tends to annoy readers.  In
   a forum with high-traffic newsgroups, such as USENET, this can lead
   to {flame}s and the urge to start a {kill file}.
%%
:indent style: [C programmers] n. The rules one uses to indent code in a 
readable fashion; a subject of {holy wars}. There are four major C indent 
styles, described below; all have the aim of making it easier for the reader to
visually track the scope of control constructs. The significant variable is the
placement of { and } with respect to the statements they enclose and the guard
or controlling statement (if, else, for, while, or do) on the block, if any.
   `K&R style' - Named after Kernighan & Ritchie, because the examples in {K&R}
   are formatted this way. Also called `kernel style' because the UNIX kernel 
   is written in it, and the `One True Brace Style' (abbrev. 1TBS) by its
   partisans. The basic indent shown here is one tab per level; four are
   occasionally seen, but are much less common.
     if (cond) {
             <body>
     }
   `Allman style' - Named for Eric Allman, a Berkeley hacker who wrote a lot of
   the BSD utilities in it (it is sometimes called `BSD style'). Resembles 
   normal indent style in Pascal and Algol. Basic indent per level shown here
   is eight spaces, but four is just as common (esp. in C++ code).
     if (cond)
     {
             <body>
     }
   `Whitesmiths style' - popularized by the examples that came with Whitesmiths
   C, an early commercial C compiler. Basic indentper level shown here is eight
   spaces, but four is occasionally seen.
     if (cond)
             {
             <body>
             }
   `GNU style' - Used throughout GNU EMACS and the Free Software Foundation 
   code, and just about nowhere else. Indents are always four spaces per level,
   with { and } halfway between the outer and inner indent levels.
     if (cond)
       {
         <body>
       }
%%
:infant mortality: n. It is common lore among hackers (and in the
   electronics industry at large; this term is possibly techspeak by
   now) that the chances of sudden hardware failure drop off
   exponentially with a machine's time since power-up (that is, until
   the relatively distant time at which enough mechanical wear in I/O
   devices and thermal-cycling stress in components has accumulated
   for the machine to start going senile).  Up to half of all chip and
   wire failures happen within a new system's first few weeks; such
   failures are often referred to as `infant mortality' problems
   (or, occasionally, as `sudden infant death syndrome').  See
   {bathtub curve}, {burn-in period}.
%%
:infinite: adj. Consisting of a large number of objects; extreme.
   Used very loosely as in: "This program produces infinite
   garbage."  "He is an infinite loser."  The word most likely to
   follow `infinite', though, is {hair} (it has been pointed out
   that fractals are an excellent example of infinite hair).  These
   uses are abuses of the word's mathematical meaning.  The term
   `semi-infinite', denoting an immoderately large amount of some
   resource, is also heard.  "This compiler is taking a semi-infinite
   amount of time to optimize my program."  See also {semi}.
%%
:infinite loop: n. One that never terminates (that is, the machine
   {spin}s or {buzz}es forever and goes {catatonic}).  There
   is a standard joke that has been made about each generation's
   exemplar of the ultra-fast machine: "The Cray-3 is so fast it can
   execute an infinite loop in under 2 seconds!"
%%
:infinity: n. 1. The largest value that can be represented in a
   particular type of variable (register, memory location, data type,
   whatever).  2. `minus infinity': The smallest such value, not
   necessarily or even usually the simple negation of plus infinity.
   In N-bit twos-complement arithmetic, infinity is
   2^(N-1) - 1 but minus infinity is - (2^(N-1)),
   not -(2^(N-1) - 1).  Note also that this is different from
   "time T equals minus infinity", which is closer to a
   mathematician's usage of infinity.
%%
:initgame: /in-it'gaym/ [IRC] n.  An {IRC} version of the
   venerable trivia game "20 questions", in which one user changes
   his {nick} to the initials of a famous person or other named
   entity, and the others on the channel ask yes or no questions, with
   the one to guess the person getting to be "it" next.  As a
   courtesy, the one picking the initials starts by providing a
   4-letter hint of the form sex, nationality, life-status,
   reality-status.  For example, MAAR means "Male, American, Alive,
   Real" (as opposed to "fictional").  Initgame can be surprisingly
   addictive.  See also {hing}.
%%
:insanely great: adj. [Mac community, from Steve Jobs; also BSD UNIX
   people via Bill Joy] Something so incredibly {elegant} that it is
   imaginable only to someone possessing the most puissant of
   {hacker}-natures.
%%
:INTERCAL: /in't*r-kal/ [said by the authors to stand for
   `Compiler Language With No Pronounceable Acronym'] n. A
   computer language designed by Don Woods and James Lyon in 1972.
   INTERCAL is purposely different from all other computer
   languages in all ways but one; it is purely a written language,
   being totally unspeakable.  An excerpt from the INTERCAL Reference
   Manual will make the style of the language clear:

     It is a well-known and oft-demonstrated fact that a person whose
     work is incomprehensible is held in high esteem.  For example, if
     one were to state that the simplest way to store a value of 65536
     in a 32-bit INTERCAL variable is:
          DO :1 <- #0$#256
     any sensible programmer would say that that was absurd.  Since this
     is indeed the simplest method, the programmer would be made to look
     foolish in front of his boss, who would of course have happened to
     turn up, as bosses are wont to do.  The effect would be no less
     devastating for the programmer having been correct.

   INTERCAL has many other peculiar features designed to make it even
   more unspeakable.  The Woods-Lyons implementation was actually used
   by many (well, at least several) people at Princeton.  The language
   has been recently reimplemented as C-INTERCAL and is consequently
   enjoying an unprecedented level of unpopularity; there is even an
   alt.lang.intercal newsgroup devoted to the study and ...
   appreciation of the language on USENET.
%%
:interesting: adj. In hacker parlance, this word has strong
   connotations of `annoying', or `difficult', or both.  Hackers
   relish a challenge, and enjoy wringing all the irony possible out
   of the ancient Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times".
   Oppose {trivial}, {uninteresting}.
%%
:Internet address:: n. 1. [techspeak] An absolute network address of
   the form foo@bar.baz, where foo is a user name, bar is a
   {sitename}, and baz is a `domain' name, possibly including
   periods itself.  Contrast with {bang path}; see also {network,
   the} and {network address}.  All Internet machines and most UUCP
   sites can now resolve these addresses, thanks to a large amount of
   behind-the-scenes magic and PD software written since 1980 or so.
   See also {bang path}, {domainist}.  2. More loosely, any
   network address reachable through Internet; this includes {bang
   path} addresses and some internal corporate and government
   networks.

   Reading Internet addresses is something of an art.  Here are the
   four most important top-level functional Internet domains followed
   by a selection of geographical domains:
     com  commercial organizations
     edu  educational institutions
     gov  U.S. government civilian sites
     mil  U.S. military sites
   Note that most of the sites in the com and edu domains are in
   the U.S. or Canada.
     us   sites in the U.S. outside the functional domains
     su   sites in the ex-Soviet Union (see {kremvax}).
     uk   sites in the United Kingdom
   Within the us domain, there are subdomains for the fifty
   states, each generally with a name identical to the state's postal
   abbreviation.  Within the uk domain, there is an ac subdomain for
   academic sites and a co domain for commercial ones.  Other
   top-level domains may be divided up in similar ways.
%%
:interrupt: 1. [techspeak] n. On a computer, an event that
   interrupts normal processing and temporarily diverts
   flow-of-control through an "interrupt handler" routine.  See also
   {trap}.  2. interj. A request for attention from a hacker.
   Often explicitly spoken.  "Interrupt --- have you seen Joe
   recently?"  See {priority interrupt}.  3. Under MS-DOS, the
   term `interrupt' is nearly synonymous with `system call', because
   the OS and BIOS routines are both called using the INT instruction
   (see {{interrupt list, the}}) and because programmers so often have
   to bypass the OS (going directly to a BIOS interrupt) to get
   reasonable performance.
%%
:interrupt list, the:: [MS-DOS] n. The list of all known software
   interrupt calls (both documented and undocumented) for IBM PCs and
   compatibles, maintained and made available for free redistribution
   by Ralf Brown <ralf@cs.cmu.edu>.  As of early 1991, it had grown to
   approximately a megabyte in length.
%%
:interrupts locked out: adj. When someone is ignoring you.  In a
   restaurant, after several fruitless attempts to get the waitress's
   attention, a hacker might well observe "She must have interrupts
   locked out".  The synonym `interrupts disabled' is also common.
   Variations abound; "to have one's interrupt mask bit set" and
   "interrupts masked out" is also heard.  See also {spl}.
%%
:IRC: /I-R-C/ [Internet Relay Chat] n.  A world-wide "party
   line" network that allows one to converse with others in real
   time.  IRC is structured as a network of Internet servers, each of
   which accepts connections from client programs, one per user.  The
   IRC community and the {USENET} and {MUD} communities overlap
   to some extent, including both hackers and regular folks who have
   discovered the wonders of computer networks.  Some USENET jargon
   has been adopted on IRC, as have some conventions such as
   {emoticon}s.  There is also a vigorous native jargon,
   represented in this lexicon by entries marked `[IRC]'.  See also
   {talk mode}.
%%
:iron: n. Hardware, especially older and larger hardware of
   {mainframe} class with big metal cabinets housing relatively
   low-density electronics (but the term is also used of modern
   supercomputers).  Often in the phrase {big iron}.  Oppose
   {silicon}.  See also {dinosaur}.
%%
:Iron Age: n. In the history of computing, 1961--1971 --- the
   formative era of commercial {mainframe} technology, when {big
   iron} {dinosaur}s ruled the earth.  These began with the delivery
   of the first PDP-1, coincided with the dominance of ferrite
   {core}, and ended with the introduction of the first commercial
   microprocessor (the Intel 4004) in 1971.  See also {Stone Age};
   compare {elder days}.
%%
:iron box: [UNIX/Internet] n. A special environment set up to trap
   a {cracker} logging in over remote connections long enough to be
   traced.  May include a modified {shell} restricting the cracker's
   movements in unobvious ways, and `bait' files designed to keep
   him interested and logged on.  See also {back door},
   {firewall machine}, {Venus flytrap}, and Clifford Stoll's
   account in `{The Cuckoo's Egg}' of how he made and used
   one (see the Bibliography in appendix C).  Compare {padded
   cell}.
%%
:ironmonger: [IBM] n. Derogatory.  A hardware specialist.  Compare
   {sandbender}, {polygon pusher}.
%%
:ITS:: /I-T-S/ n. 1. Incompatible Time-sharing System, an
   influential but highly idiosyncratic operating system written for
   PDP-6s and PDP-10s at MIT and long used at the MIT AI Lab.  Much
   AI-hacker jargon derives from ITS folklore, and to have been `an
   ITS hacker' qualifies one instantly as an old-timer of the most
   venerable sort.  ITS pioneered many important innovations,
   including transparent file sharing between machines and
   terminal-independent I/O.  After about 1982, most actual work was
   shifted to newer machines, with the remaining ITS boxes run
   essentially as a hobby and service to the hacker community.  The
   shutdown of the lab's last ITS machine in May 1990 marked the end
   of an era and sent old-time hackers into mourning nationwide (see
   {high moby}).  The Royal Institute of Technology in Sweden is
   maintaining one `live' ITS site at its computer museum (right next
   to the only TOPS-10 system still on the Internet), so ITS is still
   alleged to hold the record for OS in longest continuous use
   (however, {{WAITS}} is a credible rival for this palm).  See
   {appendix A}.  2. A mythical image of operating-system perfection
   worshiped by a bizarre, fervent retro-cult of old-time hackers and
   ex-users (see {troglodyte}, sense 2).  ITS worshipers manage
   somehow to continue believing that an OS maintained by
   assembly-language hand-hacking that supported only monocase
   6-character filenames in one directory per account remains superior
   to today's state of commercial art (their venom against UNIX is
   particularly intense).  See also {holy wars}, {Weenix}.
%%
:IWBNI: // [abbreviation] `It Would Be Nice If'.  Compare {WIBNI}.
%%
:IYFEG: // [USENET] Abbreviation for `Insert Your Favorite Ethnic
   Group'.  Used as a meta-name when telling racist jokes on the net
   to avoid offending anyone.  See {JEDR}.
%%
:J. Random: /J rand'm/ n. [generalized from {J. Random Hacker}]
   Arbitrary; ordinary; any one; any old.  `J. Random' is often
   prefixed to a noun to make a name out of it.  It means roughly
   `some particular' or `any specific one'.  "Would you let
   J. Random Loser marry your daughter?"  The most common uses are
   `J. Random Hacker', `J. Random Loser', and `J. Random Nerd'
   ("Should J. Random Loser be allowed to {gun} down other
   people?"), but it can be used simply as an elaborate version of
   {random} in any sense.
%%
       ,-~~-.___.
      / |  '     \     
     (  )         0
      \_/-, ,----'
         ====           //
        /  \-'~;    /~~~(O)
       /  __/~|   /       |
     =(  _____| (_________|
%%
In article <93139.135848U21187@uicvm.uic.edu> John Schulien <U21187@uicvm.uic.edu> writes:
>First day of college. I move into the dorm and meet my new roommate.
>
>     John: Hi, my name's John.
>
>     Joe:  Hi, my name's Joe.
>
>     Joe:  John, how is your relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.
%%
- Hey! That's not funny! My grandfather died in a concentration camp!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, he fell off a guard tower and broke his neck!
%%
|>         I spoke to Mark, guitarist for the Cranes last week
|> and he told me that Jim Thirlwell always specifies that
|> the money he gets paid for his remixes be sent to his mother
|> in Scotland.   What a guy!

That's really odd considering his Mother lives in Melbourne!
%%
"Please put down your weapon! - You have 20 seconds to comply!"
[Suit drops his gun to the floor.]
"You now have 15 seconds to comply!"

        Robocop
%%
"You will live out your life in a pain amplifier"
        Dune (the movie)
%%
"The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the video ring."
        Videodrome
%%
"It's better to burn out than to fade away!"
        Highlander
%%
"Leatherface, you bitch! Ho Chi Minh! 'Nam flashback! 'Nam flashback!"
        Texas Chainsaw Massacre II
%%
What we are looking at is good and evil, right and wrong. A new world order!
        George Bush (Ministry: N.W.O.)
%%
My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today, that I've just signed
legislation that'll outlaw Russia forever. We'll begin bombing in five
minutes.

        Ronald Reagan
%%
Personally, I believe none of it.  What I do believe is that progress
will eventually have its way, over the dead bodies of any corporations
who try to hold things back for their benefit.  It may not be the Amiga
that'll win out in the end.  It may not be Unix.  But, God willing, it
won't be Microsoft either.

        Charlie_Gibbs@mindlink.bc.ca
%%
"IBM is not a necessary evil.  IBM is not necessary."
        Ted Nelson
%%
Today, computers don't have personality. Your average PC owner sees his
machine as a black box which he hates because an even faster one just came
out for half the price of his old one. I speak the truth here... a
PC may be fast and colourful and it may have ]<00L games but it doesn't
have a _soul_.
        Mark 'Mark' Sachs <MBS110@psuvm.psu.edu>
%%
In "Scott Fitzgerald: A Biography," Jeffrey Meyers creates a sordid,
voyeuristic portrait of the author as a silly, self-destructive
alcoholic; he prattles on at length about his subject's sexual
performance and endowments, going so far as to cite witnesses who
supposedly saw Fitzgerald's penis.

        From Michiko Kakutani's article "Biography as a Blood Sport" in the
        5/20/94 New York Times
%%
In short, the bubble sort seems to have nothing to recommend it, except
a catchy name and the fact that it leads to some interesting theoretical
problems.
        Don Knuth
%%
They will get my Amiga from me when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.
        rudd@ug1.plk.af.mil (Douglas Rudd)
%%
All the self-pitying is a bottomless pit around here!
        Jake, "Melrose Place"
%%
Key chuckles. 'If Skinny Puppy, in terms of the movie _Alien_, is a
chest-burster, then Doubting Thomas is more of a face-hugger,' he informs,
as if that were an explanation.
        Keyboard Magazine, Jan '92
%%
Neither Kadaffi or the Ayatollah Khomeni are the Antichrist, but they
will contribute to the destabilization of the region that will aid
his rise to power.
        Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
The Antichrist will study and emulate Hitler and his techniques
avidly to try to surpass him and avoid his mistakes. He will have
access to books and material not available or known to the general
public. It will be possible for him to obtain secret Nazi documents
on Hitler and he will study them very carefully.
        Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Aliens tried to contact us in the Siberia Tunguska explosion in the
1900s. Similarly they will again visit the earth.  The Soviets are
doing secret weapons research and have energy fields guarding
northern approach corridors. Another spaceship will arrive,
paralleling this incident. When the aliens' spaceship enters the
atmosphere the fields will cause it to malfunction and many of the
crew are killed.
        Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Somewhere in western North America a meteorite will be found by miners
looking for ore. They think it might be radioactive but it is a
useful new element on the periodical table.
        Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Finally, Nostradamus seems to allude to a sort of future Inquisition
and period of martial law during  which materials conflicting with
the Antichrist's philosophy and agenda of world conquest will be
suppressed. So I am "seizing the moment" and consolidating a large
amount of material for maximum distribution  in a short amount of
time while cyberspace is still healthy, innocent, robust, and
unadulterated. I encourage you to  help redistribute this document as
widely as possible in any form in any  forum or medium.
        nanomius@netcom.com
%%
You are a Beautiful Woman.  Huh-huh huh.  Come with me. Huh huh.
%%
"I have never seen an Andalusian Hemipode, and, when I do, I want to see an
'Andalusian Hemipode', not a 'Striped Button-Quail', which makes it sound
like just another boring button-quail."

"But Fred, surely you _have_ seen Andalusian Hemipode?"

"No!  It's a species I've always wanted to see, but never have."

"But Fred, you've seen Button-Quail in Ethiopia, Little Button-Quail in
Thailand, and Little Bustard-Quail in India, haven't you?"

"Yes", said Fred.

"Well, those are merely alternative names for Andalusian Hemipode",
revealed Tom.

        British Birds
%%
The apparent size of the bird I am watching is only
that of the species which I think it is.

        (the late) Peter Grant, British Birds
%%
One point remains unresolved by Per Alstr�m and Urban Olsson's
detailed paper on Red-necked Calidris ruficollis and Long-toed
Stints C. subminuta: do the authors advocate the use of a field glass
or a hand glass to distinguish such feather detail?

        John Cantelo, Kent
%%
An awful motorcrash. Dangerous terribly bloody motorcrash,
destructive motorcrash.
        Sugarcubes: Motorcrash
%%
...and the eunuchs!
        Black Adder
%%
- Just _what_ is it that you wanna do?
- We're gonna get loaded - and we're gonna have a good time.
        Primal Scream - Loaded
%%
Arbeit macht Frei.
%%
But Agak, realizing his danger, began to suck.  No longer would this be a
pleasurable ritual shared with his sister.  He must suck at the energy of
the universe if he were to find the strength to defend himself, to gain
what he needed to destroy his attacker, the slayer of his sister.
Worlds died as Agak sucked.

        Michael Moorcock: The Sailor On The Seas Of Fate
%%
        PULP (pulp) n. 1. A soft, moist, shapeless
        mass or matter.

        2. A magazine or book containing lurid
        subject matter and being characteristically
        printed on rough, unfinished paper.

                                American Heritage Dictionary
                                New College Edition
%%
YOUNG MAN     No, forget it, it's too risky.  I'm through doin' that shit.
YOUNG WOMAN   You always say that, the same thing every time: never again, I'm through, too dangerous.
YOUNG MAN     I know that's what I always say. I'm always right too, but --
YOUNG WOMAN   -- but you forget about it in a day or two --
YOUNG MAN     -- yeah, well, the days of me forgittin' are over, and the days of me rememberin' have just begun.
YOUNG WOMAN   When you go on like this, you know what you sound like?
YOUNG MAN     I sound like a sensible fucking man, is what I sound like.
YOUNG WOMAN   You sound like a duck.
              (imitates a duck)
              Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack...
YOUNG MAN     Well take heart, 'cause you're never gonna hafta hear it again. Because since I'm never gonna do it again, you're never 
              gonna hafta hear me quack about how I'm never gonna do it again.
YOUNG WOMAN   After tonight.

        The boy and girl laugh, their laughter putting a pause in
        there, back and forth.

YOUNG MAN    (with a smile)
             Correct.  I got all tonight to quack.

        A WAITRESS comes by with a pot of coffee.

WAITRESS     Can I get anybody anymore coffee?
YOUNG WOMAN  Oh yes, thank you.
%%
Worlds died as Agak sucked.

        Michael Moorcock: The Sailor On The Seas Of Fate
%%
Come to think of it, there are already a million
monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is
NOTHING like Shakespeare.

        Blair Houghton
%%
YOUNG MAN    I mean the way it is now, you're takin' the same fuckin' risk as when you rob a bank. You take more of a risk.
             Banks are easier! Federal banks aren't supposed to stop you anyway, during a robbery. They're insured, why should
             they care?  You don't even need a gun in a federal bank. I heard about this guy, walked into a federal bank with 
             a portable phone, handed the phone to the teller, the guy on the other end of the phone said: "We got this guy's
             little girl, and if you don't give him all your money, we're gonna kill 'er."
YOUNG WOMAN
             Did it work?
YOUNG MAN
             Fuckin' A it worked, that's what I'm talkin' about!  Knucklehead walks in a bank with a telephone, not a pistol, 
                         not a shotgun, but a fuckin' phone, cleans the place out, and they don't lift a fuckin' finger.
YOUNG WOMAN  Did they hurt the little girl?
YOUNG MAN    I don't know.  There probably never was a little girl -- the point of the story isn't the little girl. The point of the story
             is they robbed the bank with a telephone.
YOUNG WOMAN  You wanna rob banks?
YOUNG MAN    I'm not sayin' I wanna rob banks, I'm just illustrating that if we did, it would be easier than what we been doin'.
YOUNG WOMAN  So you don't want to be a bank robber?
YOUNG MAN    Naw, all those guys are goin' down the same road, either dead or servin' twenty.
YOUNG WOMAN  And no more liquor stores?
YOUNG MAN    What have we been talking about? Yeah, no-more-liquor-stores. Besides, it ain't the giggle it usta be. Too many 
             foreigners own liquor stores.  Vietnamese, Koreans, they can't fuckin' speak English.  You tell 'em: "Empty out
             the register," and they don't know what it fuckin' means.  They make it too personal. We keep on, one of those 
                         gook motherfuckers' gonna make us kill 'em.
YOUNG WOMAN  I'm not gonna kill anybody
YOUNG MAN    I don't wanna kill anybody either. But they'll probably put us in a situation where it's us of them. And if it's not
             the gooks, it these old Jews who've owned the store for fifteen fuckin' generations. Ya got Grandpa Irving sittin' behind
             the counter with a fuckin' Magnum. Try walkin' into one of those stores with nothin' but a telephone, see how far it 
                         gets you. Fuck it, forget it, we're out of it.
%%
I am the Great Cornholio. I want T-P for my bunghole!
Do you threaten me?
        Beavis: "The Great Cornholio"
%%
Lake Titihaka! Lake Titihaka! Titihaka!
        Beavis's Cornholio impersonations
%%
- Telling the future is cool. I didn't know you were a psychic.
- Don't you remember all those tests the school nurse made me take?
- They said you were _psycho_.
- Oh yeah. Heh. Heh-heh.
%%
So when do I get to sing "My Way"?
When do I get
to feel like Sinatra felt?
When do I get to do it my way?
When do I get
to feel like Sid Vicious felt?

        Sparks
%%
I don't avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my Essence.
        Ripper in "Dr. Strangelove"
%%
"A cynic is not only merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past;
he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
- Sydney J Harris.
%%
We wear the same clothes, 'cause we feel the same.
        Blur: End of the century
%%
He is seeing monsters.
He is losing his mind and he feels it going.

        LSD 25: the documentary
%%
COME IN, COMMAND SHIP
SEND COMMAND TROOPS IMMEDIATELY
PLENTY OF HUMAN PROTEIN
AN EASY PREY.

        "Prey" (english horror/sf movie)
%%
C'mon in the kitchen... damn right!
        Bobby Gillespie: Jailbird (Dust Brothers remix)
%%
Life's like a jig-saw - you get the straight bits, but there's
plenty missing in the middle.
        XTC: All of a sudden
%%
So how do you think it feels
when you're sleeping by yourself
and the one you love the one you love
is sleeping with someone else?
        Triffids: Wide Open Road
%%
I mean, after all, it's just a road.
        It's Immaterial: Driving away from home
%%
He is so dark and moody,
she is a sunshine girl.
        Saint Etienne: Pale Movie
%%
Peace to _you_, my friend. And happiness.

        ST:TOS: The Return of the Archons
%%
You speak strange, friend.  Are you not of the Body?

        ST:TOS: The Return of the Archons
%%
- When you see a girl in a window with her back all bent out of shape,
  it means she is _hot_.
- Oh, I thought she was injured.
- I don't know, Beavis, but she's givin' me a stiffy.

        Beavis & Butt-head "The Great Cornholio"
%%
- Is this one of those Alvin Klein commercials?
  "A new flagrance from Alvin Klein - butt".
- Yeah. "Butts. For men".

        Beavis & Butt-head, watching a Chris Isaak video
%%
Kill 'em, kill' em, kill 'em all, kill 'em all...

        Star Trek: Wolf in the Fold
%%
- Conan, what is the best thing in life?
- To crush the enemy, to drive them before you, and
  to hear the lamentation of their women!
%%
Crom!
%%
'The meek shall inherit the earth--the rest of us will move on...'
        Sameer Parekh
%%
C++ was invented because Vogon poetry
wasn't destructive enough. -anonymous
%%
One is enough.

        British twitcher, having seen one Wilson's Petrel after a whole day
        of chum dumping.
%%
I shall go to the mines. I no longer want to be limited to the clouds.
        Star Trek
%%
- Ace of Base suck.
- This isn't Ace of Base, Beavis.
- I know that, Butt-head. I just felt like saying Ace of Base suck.
  I mean, these guys suck too, but Ace of Base - ooh, they _suck_!
%%
- Lightweighter...
        Primal Scream member (Throb?) about River Phoenix overdosing on heroin
%%
Tonight, we salute the silver anniversary of the Great Springfield Tire
Yard Fire.  Twenty-five years, and still burning strong!
        The Simpsons: Flaming Moe's
%%
I'll protect you from the Hooded Crow.
Keep the vampires from your door.
        Holly Johnson/Frankie Goes to Hollywood
%%
Here's what I think it is:  you are seeing the raw data from your eyes.
Usually, your brain acts like a filter that sorts and processes what your
eyes see into a 100% stable, coherent image.  LSD and robo has taught me to
temporarily turn off that filter and see the raw image.  In fact, I feel
this is what "visuals" on LSD is, the raw image from your eyes as
interpreted by your subconcious.

        Preston Landers
%%
The closest you've ever come to actually _making_ it with a bird, is
locking yourself up in your bedroom with a copy of 'Amateur Photographer'
and a jar of hand creme!

        "Bottom"
%%
jamie@cdevil.unx.sas.com (James Cooper) writes:
>For instance, I'm still amazed Apple was even able to bring any "look &
>feel" suits to court, considering how much of the XEROX PARC stuff they
>had copied themselves... but then, not many of the people involved in
>the suits (lawyers & judges) would have had any idea that XEROX PARC is
>*not* a favourite picnic site... at least, not unless you're a computer
>nerd...  :-)
%%
The fact that necrophilia exists doesn't bother me.  With so many billions
of people in the world there are bound to be a few with some really bizarre
kinks.  What bothers me is the fact that necrophilia is so common that they
had to create a word for it.
%%
You will be a winner today, pick a fight with a four year old.
%%
"Last year we began selling joshikosei used panties in our stores, and
sales are so good that we've invested in vending machines for them. But
fresh saliva from joshikosei is proving to be even more popular."
        Shukan Isomura of the Wakayama company
%%
              THE SPIKED PUNISHMENT COLLAR
Furnished with spikes on all sides, this instrument, which weighs
more than 5  kilogrammes is located around the victim's neck. Often it
becomes a means of execution; the erosion of the flesh, shoulders & jaw
down to the bone. The spreading gangrene, the sepsis, the final erosion
of the bones themselves (esp. The exposed vertebrae) brings on lethal
collapses in a short time. The collar offers the advantage of economy
and money; it's function is passive & static and does not require the pay
of an executioner, it works day & night, without creating problems or
requiring maintenance...

        Robert Held (ed.): INQUISITION/INQUISICION
%%
"Commodore started going downhill once Lionel Richie left."
%%
>>} And then there's the coup de grace, the "information superhighway."  When is
>>} someone going to point out that the Internet existed before America Online
>>} was popular?

Excuse me?  It can't have been around a long time.  Neither Apple nor
IBM has "invented" it yet...

        comp.sys.amiga.misc
%%
- Is there a doctor in the audience?
- [Man standing up:]  I am a doctor.
- Hey, What's up, Doc?

        Bugs Bunny: Hair-rairing hare
%%
>Actual PC doubleplusungood concepts series:
>  Freedom of speech: most PC universities have speech restrictions of some
>  sort.  The University of Connecticut officially banned "inappropriately
>  directed laughter" and "exclusion of students from conversations."
%%
In article <768949480snz@jhall.demon.co.uk>,
John Hall <John@jhall.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>Can anyone tell me where I can find a viewer for .WAV files, please?

        alt.best.of.internet
%%
Drayton Sawyer will always be my Texas chili champion.
%%
Legal Notice: Exporting 'personal data' to non-European countries without
special license issued by the Computer Inspection Agency ('Datainspektionen')
for each specific case (message) is a crime. Personal data include names,
even my name. If you read this message outside Europe, I'm a criminal.

        d9bertil@dtek.chalmers.se (Bertil Jonell)

%%

I don't have to sell my soul -
he's already in me

        Stone Roses: I wanna be adored
%%
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here - this is the war room!

        Dr Strangelove
%%
Go away! Beavis is not dog food. He's _worm_ food. Huh huh - huh.
%%
Get me Pendleton!
%%
(the original amiga dev team)
We made the Amiga - they fucked it up.
%%
For thousands of years on all inhabited continents the belladonna alkaloids
have been a tool of shamans and sorcerers, who take advantage of the
sensations they evok to leave their bodies, soar through the air, or change
into an animal in their imagination.
%%
If you want hallucinations this is your drug.  However "you" are not there
to experience them.

        chris@hacktic.nl describes Datura effects
%%
Witches are actually shrubs growing in front yards (they live underground,
the branches are the hairs) Lots and lots of little bugs hand each other
berries along branches.

        chris@hacktic.nl on Datura
%%
1) does it seem to anyone besides me that "sheela-na-gig",
especially with the addition of the Jesus statue shown in
the video and considering that a light flashes on him when
polly sings "he said"...that the song could be interpreted
as a description of the conflict between matrifocal,
goddess centred pagan religion and patriarchal Christianity? (---)

        LMERIWETHER@macalstr.edu, analysing a PJ Harvey song
%%
Point 3: I didn't hear a lot about women trying to make themselves
"pretty" in "sheela-na-gig" (vis-a-vis "dress", for example). I
heard more of a sexual freedom being twisted to whorish accusations
by the man/men in question, who does not acknowledge the beauty of
fertility or strength in a woman (two characteristics considered
important in pagan/rural culture for producing children and working
in the fields.) Then a rejection of those accusations  and
a celebration of independence on the part of the woman: "Gonna
take my hips to a man who cares, heard it before, no more."

        skye meriwether <LMERIWETHER@macalstr.edu>,
        analysing a PJ Harvey song
%%
I think rape, murder, small-town hicks, etc. are important to our society,
but love and sexism are more widespread...

        lancer@wpi.wpi.edu
%%
"I shall never again fly through a thunderstorm,
 unless the Fatherland should demand it."
        -Manfred von Richthofen
%%
about the 50 ft queenie:
"She's big 'cause she feasts on men and that's a
good form of protein."
        Polly Jean Harvey
%%
Amongst other things, Polly reveals that she
has only recently started having periods, due
to her hormones being screwedup, and that as
a child her mother always said she was
 repressing her feminine side.
%%
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
%%
"We were playing in Yeovil, first date of our last tour," she says,
shouldering her knapsack.  "And someone was in the dressing room stuffing
all my writing up his sweater." She puts her hands on her hips, imitating
the confrontation.  "He said, 'I haven't got anything,' and it all fell
out.  I very nearly did hit him.  I've never hit anybody, but I could've
hit him."
%%
Hi, my name is Lolita, an' this here is Tanqueray.  Since we're all about
to die, we were wondering if you'd like to be our last boyfriends on earth?
        -Beavis & Butt-head: Tornado
%%
I've seen the future baby - it is murder
        Leonard Cohen
%%
Aaargh! Don't touch me, asswipe! I'll wound your inner child.
Then I'll kick your ass.
        Beavis
%%
when I'm watching my TV and a man comes on and tells
me how white my shirts could be and I can't be a man
'cause I don't smoke

        Stones: Satisfaction
        (later used for TV commercial: 'Snickers' really satisfies you)
%%
We don't need a thinker!  We need a doer - someone who will act without
considering the consequences!

        Homer Simpson (episode #1F09)
%%
Christopher Mayhew says there is no time there is no space

        The Shamen: Christopher Mayhew says
%%
Mixing pop and politics, they ask me what the use is.  I offer 'em
embarrassment and my usual excuses.  While lookin' down the corridor, out
to where the band is waiting, I'm looking for the Great Leap Forward.
        Billy Bragg
%%
Bird snatterand is not in the template file!
'snitterand' is an unknown bird!
%%
- _What_ are you doing?
- Nothing! I've been clean for years now..!
        David Addison (Bruce Willis) in Moonlighting, the
        Russian assassin episode
%%
we're going downtown on the escalator
we're blonde-haired teenage terminators
the camera's watching when we go shopping
better step aside cause we just ain't stopping

        Shampoo: viva la megababes
%%
I got a letter from the government the other day
opened it and read it
it said they were suckers

        public enemy: black steel
%%
It seemed to me that the psychic effect were emanating from the
`ajna chakra', the so-called `third eye' -- a locus above
and between the eyes.
%%
night after night
I think about your smile
night after night
but only for a while

        Laverne & Shirlie (Lenny & the Squigtones)
%%
To iterate is human,
recurse is divine
%%
43rd Law of Computing:
        Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
%%
99 blocks of crud on the disk,
99 blocks of crud!
You patch a bug, and dump it again:
100 blocks of crud on the disk!

100 blocks of crud on the disk,
100 blocks of crud!
You patch a bug, and dump it again:
101 blocks of crud on the disk! ...
%%
A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
Avoid him.  He's a Commie.
%%
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
                -- Herbert Prochnow
%%
        A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
about whose profession was the oldest.  In the course of their
arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because
Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply
incredible surgical feat."
        The architect did not agree.  He said, "But if you look at the
Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of
that, the Garden and the world were created.  So God must have been an
architect."
        The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said,
"Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
%%
Beware of dog.
%%
Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
%%
School Notes:

My son was in need of being shot and I finally had it done.  As a result he is
in the hospital, but that is not where they shot him.
%%
School Notes:

Don't let him take P.E., no matter where he takes it or what excuse he gives.
I don't want him near a P.E. class, and that no matter what they are doing,
when or where, or even if they are not at the time he is there.  Leave him
alone.  I hope you clearly understand that this is the message and do not
ignore it, as you did before when I didn't write it although I intended to.
This time, you won't!
School Notes:

Emily will be absent two Fridays from today for a funeral.  Please excuse her
on that day.
%%
School Notes:

Lloyd had two jaws removed from his teeth and the doctor said he should not try
chewing anything more serious than apple sauce for a few weeks.
%%
School Notes:

The dentist said Sylvia is suffering from a great deal of lose vices, and she
needs to get a little tight to do what needs doing.  We are going to correct
her difficulty as quickly as we can find her some newer vices more suited to
her age.
%%
School Notes:

Eddie was absent from school yesterday mainly for the simple reason that he was
not there.  We know where he was, but we are not sure you do, so hold him
excused until we catch him and then we will see you about this.  It could
happen that he won't be able to come to school no more.
%%
School Notes:

If Bobbie hadn't done what he did he wouldn't be where he was which is why he
isn't where he should be now as a result of yesterday evening.  This could
happen again if yesterday evening is repeated.
%%
School Notes:

Louise did not inspire enough and so she almost expired until she retired to
the place where she is now, which is why she is not in school, or so I am told
as I write this note for your office, so she does not get credit for being
where she is not, or whatever it is that gets her into big bad trouble - none
of us wants that, so she is excused from it, no matter where she is.  As her
parent, I so order it to be considered in this way and that is final.
%%
School Notes:

Delores is sick because of something that happened.  If it hadn't she wouldn't
be, but it did, so she is. This is one of those things that women have that men
do not, but if men did, they would be just like women.  Since the women have
them, this is what they get and this is why it happens.  Men so often do not
understand.  I'd love to see what men did if they got these things and how they
would deal with this, but I don't think this will be possible, even with some
of the surgery they are doing now.  So just excuse Delores until it is over,
and when it is, she will be back, just like she always does after it is.
%%
School Notes:

Fred has athelete's foot, although how he got that, knowing him as I do, is
something of a miracle. It is as close as he is apt to come to organized
sports.  And I mean this for all his life.  This is the most complete lazy
person in our entire family and only the charm he has saves him from both his
mother and your office, since we both feel the same way about this affliction.
%%
School Notes:

You probably noticed that Les was not with you yesterday because yesterday was
the day that Les was with us, which is why he was not with you. He was with us
because we needed to have him tested. He was tested and he did pass the test
although the examiner felt that the results were dubious and suggested that we
bring Les in to have him retested for a more objective result. We feel that
the examiner needs to be tested before we have Les retested to see if the test
is reliable when it is given by someone like that examiner. If you did not
miss Les yesterday, please ignore this note and act like he was there, although
he was not there since he was here, but in the event you didn't notice it then,
it is no time now to start taking notes. Please do advise us about a new
examiner since we feel this is a serious test.  Thank you.
%%
School Notes:

Larry got porked in the loin and he didn't do nothing for awhile so he was.
%%
School Notes:

Brenda is administering and can not be in class.  She is in a class by herself.
%%
School Notes:

Bob is too much for a tree out of which he fell so he won't be taking any of
that exercise for awhile with that cast.  Keep him off swings and away from
bars.  I mean swinging bars, not those others where he won't go even if we try.
%%
School Notes:

Bobby got hiself fired up burning them leaves and he won't do no more of that.
%%
School Notes:

Louise boils to much, so Dr. Pierce did a lance and much fuse flowed, so she
mised speling.  xcuse her.  she come when she can.
%%
School Notes:

Albert was so cold he run high. And the tempatire got too bad an he got sick of
fever and so he stay here because he no go.  you understand.
%%
School Notes:

You'd be sick too, if you did what Mike did, so excuse him because it was not
his fault.  Don't ever try this yourself, because if you do, you won't like it.
%%
School Notes:

Eddie missed school yesterday because of the trout condition brought on by the
sinus leak which unplugged too much and runned all over the place when it did
too much, and it sure did that.
%%
School Notes:

Robert told me he had no class and was he wright or wrong?  I think right.
%%
School Notes:

The pony fell on Jim so we had to shot although we didn't want it this way. I
guess it was because of the broken leg that this happened.  Jim will be alright
after we get the cast off that leg and bury the body so he can be out in the
back yard again.  i know you know how these things go and this did.
%%
School Notes:

Marty had too much homework, which cause him to spill his hot soup because he
was nervous and upset.  This cause him to stay home.  This cause me to be sick.
This cause Marty to return, but he don't get that homework done.  Who is the
one sending all this homework?  Wait till I get well and see this person..
%%
School Notes:

The reason Phillip was not in school is that he was not there.  If he had been
there, this would not be necessary, but as it is, he wasn't so this is.  I do
hope that we can get this cleared up and stop all these notes.
%%
School Notes:

Bens beans cost lose vowels and so he came to often to the place that he didn't
get there where he should have.  You not here to miss mess we did not miss. He
is still running, but we no sent him to schol like this because the run with
his run is to far.  Please exclude him, with my atority.
%%
School Notes:

Georgia got her ear done and it poisoned her and she felt that poison so she
not come to school.  This hole cause much upset in the family.  Her lobe is
going down and that is the problem.  It is so slow.
%%
School Notes:

Everett ate the cole slaw and it was too much for him.  We was as upset as he
was, but he got the better of us and we left him stay, so he is not there when
you look yesterday.  today he is.
%%
School Notes:

They was plaing darts and Danny stood there and the doctor said he shold not be
in school till the holes heel.  No, not his foot, his arms mainly but some
others too.
%%
School Notes:

She took the brain test with no results so we don't think she has it.  But we
are keeping her home just to watch.  You really can't tell much from nothing,
and so we are sending this with Billy, how to get it to you.
%%
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
with the mouse, and asked "what do you see?"  Very earnestly, the
Undergraduate replied "I see a cursor." The Hacker then quickly pressed
the boot toggle at the back of the keyboard, while simultaneously
hitting the Undergraduate over the head with a thick Interlisp Manual.
The Undergraduate was then Enlightened.
%%
A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
not worth knowing.
%%
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
                -- Dennis M. Ritchie
%%
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
                -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
%%
Actor:  So what do you do for a living?
Doris:  I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving
        dishes for Chinese restaurants.
                -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%%
ADA, n.:
        Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
awareness."
%%
After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.  These pioneers conducted
many important electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780 Luigi
Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two
different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current
developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer
attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.  Galvani's discovery led
to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine.  Today,
skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously
injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it
hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact
that it sinks like a stone.
                -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
%%
After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations.
                -- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
%%
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been
removed.

%%
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
%%
All the world's a VAX,
And all the coders merely butchers;
They have their exits and their entrails;
And one int in his time plays many widths,
His size of being N bytes.  At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms.
And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun,
And shining morning face, creeping like slug
Unwillingly to school.
                -- A Very Annoyed PDP-11
%%
                AMAZING BUT TRUE ...

There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
%%
America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism
to decadence without touching civilization.
                -- John O'Hara
%%
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
%%
Arnold's Laws of Documentation:
        (1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
        (2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
        (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
            first two laws.
%%
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
%%
"As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500
programs -- a process that traditionally requires some debugging."
                --- USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new
                    computer system.
%%
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
        be good
}
%%
Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
revitalize the corner saloon.
%%
Bug:
        Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
%%
But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
analysed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
                -- Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing
                   Compilers"
%%
C, n.:
        A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more
like assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or
anything else.  It is either the best language available to the art
today, or it isn't.
                -- Ray Simard
%%
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than
expected.  Carefully planned projects take four times longer to
complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their
planning to reduce the time it takes.
%%
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny--
        Did you ever try buying then without money?
                -- Ogden Nash
%%
Chemicals, n.:
        Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
%%
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff.
                -- Peter de Vries
%%
Congratulations!  You have purchased an extremely fine device that
would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
manoeuvre.  Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS
OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.  YOU ALREADY
UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU?  YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED
IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD
WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDED AND
SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS,
RIGHT?  AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS,
RIGHT???  WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE
FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?
                -- Dave Barry, "Read This First!"
%%
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
%%
Dear Lord:
        I just want *one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
        the other hand" again.
%%
Disc space -- the final frontier!
%%
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
%%
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
%%
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to
anger.
%%
Documentation is the castor oil of programming.  Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
%%
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
%%
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It's already
tomorrow in Australia.
                -- Charles Schultz
%%
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic
route!
%%
Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together ...
                -- Carl Zwanzig
%%
Everyone talks about apathy, but no one _does_ anything about it.
%%
        Excellence is THE trend of the '80s.  Walk into any shopping
mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as
"Garfield Gets Spayed", and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you
how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence",
"Grasping Hold of Excellence", "Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night
So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
                -- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
%%
Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic
without looking to see whether the seeds move.
%%
Famous last words:
        1.  Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
        2.  Let's take the short-cut, he can't see us from there.
        3.  What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
        4.  We won't need reservations.
        5.  It's always sunny there this time of the year.
        6.  Don't worry, it's not loaded.
        7.  They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
%%
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life
forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
are a pretty neat idea ...
                -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the
solution set.
                -- E. W. Dijkstra
%%
"Pascal is not a high-level language."
                -- Steven Feiner
%%
Pascal Users:
        To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the
        death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half
        speed.
%%
Pascal, n.:
        A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
his grave if he knew about it.
%%
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
                -- Paul Beatty
%%
                The STAR WARS Song
        Sung to the tune of "Lola", by the Kinks:

I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda
        S-O-D-A soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda
        Y-O-D-A Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Well I've been around but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a Muppet but he's wrinkled and green
        Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
How he can raise me in the air just by raising his hand
        Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
%%
And He Said:
Winning doesn't matter much to me. I just like playing golf.
%%
And He Said:     
I respect your opinion, although it differs from mine considerably.
%%
And He Said:
You don't need to bring the boat closer, I can jump from here.
%%
And He Said:
It was driven by a little old lady to and from church.
%%
And He Said:
We do not need to guarantee our product, it never fails.
%%
And He Said:
With this camera, you can't make a serious mistake.
%%
And He Said:
Practically everything in the car is under warranty.
%%
And He Said:
I trust any elected official to do their job properly.
%%
And He Said:
One application of this wax should last at least a year, if not longer.
%%
And He Said:
There really are no exclusions in this policy, it covers everything.
%%
And He Said:
It will work better if you remove the safety device.
%%
And He Said:
Read my lips. No new taxes.
%%
And He Said:
It will be shipped tomorrow and you will receive it within five days.
%%
And He Said:
The check for that item is in the mail.
%%
And He Said:
This offer is for a limited time only, so you must hurry.
%%
And He Said:
It is a wonderful home in a crime free neighbourhood at a ridiculous price.
%%
And He Said:
If you have any problem with it, just let us know.
%%
And He Said:
This IRS payment will just have to wait...
%%
And He Said:
There is no way anything could go wrong with it, it has been checked.
%%
And He Said:
It comes with an unconditional guarantee.
%%
We are the people our parents warned us about.
%%
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.
%%
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
%%
How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?
%%
There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.
%%
Power means not having to respond.
%%
Never kick a man unless he's down.
%%
We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken
out and shot.
%%
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that
you've got it made.
%%
I'm not as dumb as you look.
%%
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
%%
Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
%%
How can I love you if you won't lie down?
%%
You can find sympathy between shit and syphilis in the
dictionary.
%%
To err is human. To forgive is unusual.
%%
Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.
%%
I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you.
%%
I'm the person your mother warned you about.
%%
How can I tell you I love you when you're sitting on my face?
%%
God is dead and I want His job.
%%
I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.
%%
Our parents were never our age.
%%
Nothing was ever accomplished by a reasonable person.
%%
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
%%
In the country of the blind the one eye'd man is king.
%%
He who laughs last has not been told the terrible truth.
%%
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.
%%
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
        -- Mae West
%%
I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again
real soon, okay?
%%
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
%%
Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
%%
Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last.
%%
I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
%%
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
%%
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
%%
Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
%%
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
%%
I wish you were a beer.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

ABSENTMINDED:
Opens vest, pulls out tie, dribbles down leg.

AROUSED:
Is unable to clear zipper in time, hits flush handle.

ASPARAGUS:
Is inconspicuous in line, his presence becomes obvious to those in area,
when he unloads, after a heavy meal of asparagus, due to the fetted odor that
accompanies his action.  Ordinarily, those who follow this poor soul in line
manage to switch to another line.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

ATHLETIC UNIFORM WEARER:
No provision has been made in the design of the garment, by the uniform maker,
for the natural functions.  Wearer drools heavily and frequently has tears
in his eyes.

AVID CONVERSATIONALIST:
Gets very deeply involved with the person in line next to him, turns quickly
to make a definite point, and marks the other person's pant leg. Thereupon,
conversation ceases in a very sullen silence.

BELCHER:
No period of relief is complete without a real room rolling belch.  Thus, on
station, this individual sounds like he is going to bring up last week's
cookies.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

BE PREPARED:
The exact opposite of the "In Search Of," this individual is so geared toward
preparation that he opens zipper in hallway before entering room - to the
consternation  of the mixed audience that witnesses this startling event!

BROADCASTER:
Listens to the game on the radio, even while unloading.  During high point
in the game, he gets completely carried away, wets his own pants and shoes,
the surrounding individuals, the wall, and even makes an attempt for the
ceiling during this crucial period.

BUILDER:
To amuse himself, he attempts construction of some imaginary object with the
wet butts in the urinal.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

CAUTIOUS:
Takes extra care to maintain accuracy and privacy that he forgets to go,
after all the preparations have been so elaborately made.

CHILDISH:
Ties into the bottom of the urinal with fiendish glee, to see how many bubbles
he can produce.

CHECKER:
Always stares at the ceiling, and when finished, wants to look unconcerned.
Flushes wastebasket.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

CONTESTANT:
Holds great value in completion of act before anyone else, thus makes a very
forced effort, which inevitably results in the fouling of the air in the
entire vicinity.

CROSS-EYED:
Stares at the urinal on the left, hits the urinal on the right, flushes the
center urinal.

DESPERATE:
Waits in very long line, until he is second in position, then wets pants.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

DEPARTURE ADDICT:
Compulsively must leave game before anyone else, but also must dispense with
natural urge. He is unable to decide which motive is of greater urgency and
importance, thus never makes it to the urinal, but completely wets floor,
self, wall, and then dribbles in the urinal with a guilty look on his face.

DISCO DANCER:
Listens to music with a real beat on radio, loses control and wets nearly
everything in sight.

DISGRUNTLED:
On station, waits patiently for several minutes (to wonderment of those yet
in line), then departs grumbling to himself and looking disgusted.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

DISTRACTED:
Chews gum with such zest and vigor that he forgets the purpose of the line,
so must go to the end of the line, and return a second time to complete the
job.

DOUBLE LOSER:
Discovers, to his horror, that he has developed yet ANOTHER hole in the OTHER
shoe, and thus manages to get both feet wet simultaneously.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

DRUNK:
Holds left thumb in right hand, wets pants.

EFFICIENT:
Goes to booth and does everything simultaneously with ease.

ESCOPET:
Can never quite clear the hurdles involved.

EURYTHMIC:
Does everything with elegance and charm, in harmony with sophistication and
urbane grace.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

EXCITABLE:
Has long johns on backwards, gets flap caught in zipper, dies of an over-
extended bladder.

FASHION PLATE:
Wears clothing which so closely conforms to the body size that it allows no
room in which to make the necessary moves. Drowns in own body fluids after
six separate and very desperate attempts to undress in public are a complete
failure.

FLIPPANT ARTIST:
Comes into the room, ignores the line, looks fairly stupid, so his move is
unquestioned. He passes seven people, grabs the first urinal available, and
does his work, but smiles sickeningly, as he departs.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

FLUSH WATCHER:
Derives a secret sensual satisfaction from observation of the complete flush
cycle. He remains on station, watching completion of the cycle, just long
enough to cause the next person in line to wet pants and fill shoes.

FORGETFUL:
Has altogether forgotten to wear underwear, and only at this critical moment
discovers his deficiency.  Has some difficulty accomodating the new breeze of
which he has just become aware.

FRIVOLOUS:
Awards himself points for targets hit.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

GRUNTER:
In order to achieve desired results, this individual grunts and makes other
unusual noises.

HYPNOTIZED:
Does not know what he is doing, where he is, what is to be accomplished, thus
wanders around with a blank stare, hoping for inspiration, or at least
guidance.  Wets pants, fills shoes, then returns to consciousness.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

INDIFFERENT:
Detests standing in line, so usually uses sink, or, in emergencies, perhaps
even the wastebasket.

INEFFICIENT:
Having been on station, and believing he has completed the work, is now torn
by doubt, and thus makes it to the end of the line, to resolve the doubt and
finish.

IN SEARCH OF:
In spite of best efforts, can not find the zipper and is unwilling to admit
this to himself or anyone else who may be observing - takes extra long time
to make discovery, while next person in line wets his own pants and those of
the one in search of...
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

JOINER:
Doesn't know the purpose of the line, but seeing so many people in it,
figures it must be worthwhile and so he joins the line, only to fail when the
goal is to be achieved.

LARGE:
Always finds way into line waiting to use the child's urinal, suitable for
a dehydrated dwarf on a severe starvation diet - developes back trouble from
stooping.

LISTENER:
Developes acute apaplexy listening to the slow disposal rate of the person in
front of him, loses control, wets pants, person in front of him, person
behind him, as he turns around - gets punched in the nose, falls to the
floor, and is left to spend the remainder of the day there.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

LITTLE:
Stands on a coke case, falls in, needs assistance to get out and dry off.

LOST GLASSES:
Can not find urinal, and in acute cases, can't even find the men's room,
sometimes is forced to use the water fountain.

MODEST:
Will not under any circumstances perform in the presence of others, which
often causes him to stand in a corner, on tip-toe, much in the manner of a
ballet dancer.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

MR. CLEAN:
Goes first to the wash basin to wash up before he touches zipper to initiate
activity, and then returns to the basin afterwards to wash even more
thoroughly

MR. RIGHT:
While dispensing with natural urge, combs hair, to deceive anyone who might
suspect him of such a vile thing as a natural urge.

MUSICIAN:
Hums to himself, during activity, although the melody is of some unknown and
yet to be discovered artist, whom many would wish remained undiscovered.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

MANUFACTURER'S MISTAKE:
Wearing shorts with no opening, he becomes totally frustrated after a 20
minute examination and concomitant contortions to discover what has happened
to the non-existent opening that isn't there!

NASAL DRIP TRANSFER:
Easily initiates the work when he finally gets to station, but has most
difficult time getting the work completed and shut off.

NAVIGATOR:
Chases butt of wet cigarette with stream, trying to direct it somewhere.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

NOSEY:
Checks out neighbor in next line to see if his is carbonated!

OVERDEVELOPED:
Continues strong and steady stream for almost a full minute, and is held
responsible for the death of the next person in line, who dies of over-
extended bladder resulting from the power of suggestion!

OVERFLOW VICTIM:
Has waited just mere seconds too long and can not wait till the zipper
reaches even the end of its run before the disaster strikes.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

OVERSIZED SHORTS:
Conducts thorough and careful search but can not find anything other than
yards of cotton and polyester material. Wets pants, but does not discover
this until considerably later.

PANICKED:
Usually in bib overalls, with stuck zipper. Performs absolutely amazing
contortions which would be wonderful if done in a dance contest.  When all is
said and done, wets pants, fills shoes.

PATIENT:
Stands on station endlessly, waiting and waiting, taking longer than a
camel to dispel load.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

PUZZLED:
Has put underwear on backwards, but not to worry, there is no urgency, so
leaves line confused.

QUAKERISH:
Gets to station, engages in period of meditation, silence and absolute
concentration are necessary for the very seldom and most serious effort.
Leaves station with blissful fully satisfied grin on his face.

READER:
Gets so interested in the graffiti messages that he forgets entirely to open
zipper with the tragic results.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

REAL LOSER:
Discovers that he has a hole in his shoe, which explains why he sloshes away
from station in a mood of confusion and angst.

RITUALIST:
Very carefully duplicates each and every activity in which he previously
engaged, in order to be successful in performance of duty, this time.

RUMMY:
Comes to station to dispense with goodies which were really only rented for
a time, and consumed, to get rid of them.  Has the lack of good manners to
suck on a brown bag with a bottle in it, while performing his present task.
He staggers away, perhaps not even aware of his achievement.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

RUSHED:
Dribbles last pint or portion thereof in pants, and sloshes away from station
only then to realize his error

SAFETY EXPERT:
Dispenses with job, but then experiences serious and lasting doubt that it
was done properly, so he very dutifully returns to the end of the line to
give it yet another try, and thus assure himself that he has properly executed
the mandate of his natural urge.

SAGGING ELASTIC:
At long last must deal with the problem of what to do with the shorts that
are not hanging on the point where the inseams come together in outer pants.
This causes some deep knee bends, which in turn cause some difficulty to the
knees, which clash on the lower lip of the urinal, and cause him to limp away
from station.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

SURE AND CERTAIN:
Comes to station with small container of Kleenex, in case any unplanned
happenstance might occur. He is prepared for any and every eventuality.

SHAKY:
Uncertain of purpose and procedure, he is extremely furtive and secretive
about whole affair.

SHORT:
Always finds way into line waiting for the King-sized urinal, bumps chin on
the lower lip of urinal, wets pants.
%%
I want to live forever or die in the attempt.
%%
Love means telling you why you're sorry.
%%
Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.
%%
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
%%
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
%%
I'm having a party in my pants. Want to come?
%%
Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

SLOW FLUSHER:
Must have hygenically purified urinal, so he flushes it TWICE before he uses
it.  Is later held, during trial, to have caused death of three people in
line waiting for him to get on with it.

STANCER:
Very carefully assumes stance, placing feet just at the right position for
perfect balance. Makes sure that they are just where they should be, and
reviews this situation several times to be absolutely certain.

STONED:
Can't even find zipper, eventually tries to pull out pant leg, soon
thereafter wets pants, wall,  wastebasket, washbasin and who or what ever did
not get out of the way quite fast enough.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

SURVEYOR:
Assesses relative length of lines, and moves with fluid grace to the shortest
line without any fuss or notice - only to discover that this line moves the
slowest.

TIMID:
Simply can not perform while being watched, or even if suspicious that he is
being observed.  Usual result is that the night watchman throws him out of
the place, and he has to get all the way home before anything happens.

THE THERMAL:
No matter how long the search is conducted with hands, can not find opening
and must investigate with some very unusual movements, so that he will
eventually be able to find the opening in his thermal underwear.  Causes no
end of amusement to observers of this event.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

THE SNAKE:
Hisses quietly to himself, as a form of auto-suggestion, and hopes this will
accomplish goal.

TIGHTWAD:
Crawls under the partition on the pay toilet booth, only to discover that the
water on the floor did not show - until you were really into it.

TIP-TOE ARTISTE:
With extreme difficulty which is most obvious to all who take even a glance,
manages to persevere and make it to station, even properly unloading while
there. He concludes action with a sigh of relief that would do a Bull Moose
justice during rutting season.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

WADER:
That poor unfortunate who follows the Departure Addict is likewise compelled
by some unknown force to leave early, but just not quite early enough to
avoid the flood.

WORRIED:
Is so overwhelmed by anxiety that he inadvertantly fills neighbor's shoe.
He is plagued by inaccuracy, and worries so much about it he never solves it.

WORRY-WART:
Eyes paper towel supply with extreme anxiety, and eventually gets so
preoccupied that he rushes it, wets it down quite thoroughly, and then
discovers what he has done, to his own embarrassment and that of onlookers.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

WIZZARD:
Stands at station with steady flow for perhaps two full minutes.  Onlookers
and listeners suspect that in his ancestry somewhere, there was a water-
buffalo.

ZILCH:
No matter what is done, or what the conditions, when it comes time to
perform, this poor soul is simply unable to achieve anything whatsoever.
He always departs in a most disconsolate and upset manner, thoroughly
frustrated.
%%
GUIDE TO THE MEN'S ROOM AT THE STADIUM

ZIPPER LOCK:
This is perhaps the most common affliction known to all of mankind.  No
matter how much you put down for your threads, the zipper simply will not
function. Even in the event you happen to have a pair of pliars in your
pocket (which isn't too frequently), the thing just simply won't budge.
Historically, two dances have developed as a result of this condition; the
ballet, which see, and the ever popular boogie.  In the Olympics, a similar
performance might well earn a gold medal in the floor performances of the
gymnastic competition. Ah, but take the pants off, return them to the store
from whence they came, and the very same zipper will perform flawlessly, time
after time.
%%
Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
%%
A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.
%%
Bureocrats do not change the course of the ship of state. They
merely adjust the compass.
%%
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than
you can with a kind word.
%%
Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to
keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving
up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.
%%
If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
%%
An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a
complex, incomprehesable truth.
%%
Mediocrity is excellence to the mediocre.
%%
Middle age is when wherever you go you take a jumper.
%%
Middle age is when you burn the midnight oil around 9:00 pm.
%%
Modern man has lost the option of silence.
%%
Money never made a fool of anybody; it only shows 'em up.
%%
Mrs. Murphy's Law: If it can go wrong it will, while HE'S out of town.
%%
Murphy's best friend was a computer.
%%
My greatest fear in life is that no-one will remember me after I'm dead.
- Anon.
%%
My inferiority complex isn't as good as yours.
%%
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
with our frail and feeble mind.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
%%
Neurotics build castles in the air.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists charge the rent.
%%
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
%%
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
%%
Never hit a man when he's down.
You may find he's bigger than you when he gets up.
%%
Never let your studies interfere with your education.
%%
Evangelists do more than lay people.
%%
I married a nun; nun in the morning; nun at night...
%%
Why did the chicken cross the road??
Too long to go around.....
%%
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
%%
Great Beer Bellies are made not Born!
%%
do shovel(snow) while (driveway_not_clear);
%%
Farmer Brown got an irate call one night from Farmer Jones.  "Brown,
your boy has been up here pissing in the snow!"  Farmer Brown was
a bit surprised, but replied, "Well, how do you know it was him?"
Jones came back, "Because it's his name that's spelled out."  Farmer
Brown was still not convinced anything was wrong.  "Gee, Jones, I
don't see anything wrong with that."  This really outraged Farmer
Jones.  "Consarn it, Brown, don't you think I know my own
daughter's handwriting when I see it?"
%%
"Doctor, it's my husband -- I think he needs psychiatric help."
"Why, what seems to be the trouble?"
"Well, he pees in the swimming pool."
"Look, Mrs. Jones, EVERYONE pees in a swimming pool!"
"Yeah, but from the HIGH DIVE?!?"
%%
Not tonight, Chekov, I have an earache.
%%
 _   /|
 \`o.O'     Thpfft
 (___)
    U
%%
I once knew a medical man who loved frozen daiquiris. He was at a
bar one night drinking one when a piece of hickory-wood form the
ceiling fell into the glass. So I said that it was a hickory
daiquiri, doc!
%%
A dentist was obsessed by dental floss! His obsession was so
great that he bought a roan horse to help him gather floss for
his growing collection. Another dentist became even more
compulsive and stole the horse!!, But the horse refused to help
the second dentist! Moral???

A stolen roan gathers no floss!
%%
Do you mind if we dance wif yo dates....
%%
Ditto this one:
      "There are two sides to every divorce, mine and shitheads."
%%
Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
%%
I don't want to say her men are young, but they keep leaving their mittens behind.
%%
His girl friend is so young she has a Fisher-Price vibrator.
%%
At a busy military airport awhile ago, a small, single-seat jet
fighter was taxiing along an access strip prior to take off when it
came to an intersection.  Also approaching this intersection from the
left was a huge C-5A, one of those cargo planes that carries armored
battalions complete with equipment.
   You may have noticed that very few of these intersections have
red-lights; the fighter pilot, quite sure of the consequences of a
collision, radioed to the control tower:
   "What are the intentions of the C-5A?"
   At this point the front cargo doors of the C-5A began to swing open,
and a deep voice came over the air: "I'm going to eat you . . ."
%%
What is smorplay?
That's what Smurfs do before they smuck.
%%
What is the definition of EGG HEAD
That's what Mrs. Dumpty gives Humty Dumpty!!!!!
%%
Hey Woman Want some Wrinkled Neck Bass?
I just caught it at the River.
%%
Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence
%%
What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?
Lawyers accumulate frequent-flier points.
%%
You know you're having a bad day when the town nymphomaniac tells you she
likes you, but just as a friend.
%%
Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?
%%
Why was the beer cold?
-Cuz it was in the fridge.
%%
The teacher instructed the class to draw a picture from something in the
Bible.  As she walked around the room, she noticed one child drawing a
picture of a car with 3 faces in it.
  "What part of the bible is that from?" she asked.
  "Oh, that's God driving Adam and Eve out of Eden".
%%
What do you get when you cross a Centipede with a Turkey?
I don't know wither but at thanksgiving Everyone got a Leg!
%%
Why did the chicken cross the road??
It was to see his psychiatrist (who lived on the other side)
to learn what deep inner compulsion made him keep crossing the road...
%%
I have a mind like a steel sieve
%%
"So -- they tell me you program in foreign languages!  Can
you program in Spanish?"
"C".
%%
What do you call a smurf with his pants down???
A blue moon...
%%
Is that Murphy perched on my shoulder??
%%
A man and a woman were pulled over by a state trooper.
Trooper:  "You wer doing 75 MPH."
Man:      "No, I wasn't, I wass only going 55 MPH".
Trooper:  "75!"
Man:      "55!"
Trooper:  "75!"
Man:      "55!"
Trooper:  "Hey, lady, he was doing 75, right?"
Woman:    "Oh, officer, I learned years ago not to argue with him when
           he's drunk!"
%%
Use tact........you fathead!
%%
A fate worse than death:  To be married alive
%%
Four women were sitting around talking.
     First woman says, "My son, he wears a black skull cap
and black cossack.  When he walks into a room all the people
get up and say, 'Oh, my Father!'".
     Second woman says, "So?  My son, he wears a red skull
cap and red cossack.  When he walks into a room all the
people get up and say, 'Oh, my Reverence!'".
     Third woman says, "Ach!  My son, he wears a white skull
cap and white cossack.  When he walks into a room all the
people get up and say, 'Oh, my Holiness!'".
     The fourth woman says, "That's nothing.  My son, he is
5'2" tall and 442 pounds.  When he walks into a room all the
people get up and say, 'Oh, my GOD!'".
%%
When Alexander The Great was waging war on the entire
known world of his time, it chanced that he recieved a
slight spear-wound on his wrist. Wrapping an old cloth
around it, he continued the battle. After victory was
his, one of his aides noticed that the dried blood on the
rag around Alexander The Great's wrist was lining up on
it in such a way that if one looked at it in the light
of the sun it resembled a sundial; and you could tell the
correct time! So they called it: Alexander's
Rag-Time-Band.
%%
                 A Short History Of Humbugs
      Humbugs are an old and noble family, honorable to the
core- Insecticus Humbugium, if I may use the Latin. They
fought in the crusades with Richard the Lion Heart, crossed
the Atlantic with Columbus, blazed trails with the pioneers,
and today many members of the family hold prominent
government positions throughout the world. History is full
of Humbugs.
%%
Do artificial plants need artificial water?
%%
Women!  You can't live with them.....can't deep fry 'em.
%%
There was this little kid in grade 2 whose name was Johnny.
He went to school with grade 2's. (!) Anyway, every Monday,
after school the teacher would ask the student's in Johnny's
class some trivia questions; if they answered the questions
correctly, the teacher promised them that they wouldn't have
to go to school for the rest of the week.
     One Monday, the teacher asked the students:
"What is the chemical symbol for Potassium"
     Since the kids were only in gr. 2, they didn't even
know what potassium was. The next Monday, the teacher asked:
"In what year did Mt. St. Helen's first explode?"
     Of course, the students didn't answer. Johnny was
getting kind of peeved with these kind of questions. The
next Monday, Johnny brought a pair black squash balls
to school with him. Just as the teacher was about to ask
the weekly question, Johnny rolled the marbles toward the
front of the room. The teacher, not seeing him, got agitated
and said "Alright, whose the comedian with the 2 black
balls?"
     Johnny, just a-laughing answered "Bill Cosby, See ya next week!"
Let's say you were trapped inside this room. Inside this room
were 2 doors, and 2 caged talking - tigers. One of the
doors was an exit into the paradise. The other was an
exit into a bottomless pit- (In other words, if you opened
this door, you'd fall until your insides get ripped apart by
the G-forces- actually you'd still fall- Anyway...)
Since these tigers talked, you could ask them questions.
Actually, you could ask one question (to either Tiger) because
if you asked more than one, both cages would disentegrate, and
the Tigers would devour you. Anyway, one of the tigers
always told theh truth. One always told a lie.
How would you go about getting safely out of the room?
%%
I'm reminded of a letter some poor professor wrote to Playboy about his
inability to get vanity plates with the initials of his college on them.
The man taught at the Tennessee Institute of Technology and honestly
never gave the initials a second thought. When told by DMV that the
initials were obscene, he started a market in monogramed tee shirts and
ties (The ties said T.I.T. and the tee shirts for the ladies said "I
like a T.I.T. man!)
%%
I was in the city the other day, when a drunk came up to me and
said "for $10 I'll teach you to talk like an Indian!
I said "how?"
He said, "see, you're learning already"
%%
I thank my lucky stars I'm not superstitious.
%%
"Mrs. Jones, can Billy come out and play baseball with us?"
"Johnny you know Billy can't play baseball he was born with
no arms or legs."
"That's O.K. we want to use him as second base."
%%
A really stupid man walks into a drug store and says he wants
to buy a condom. The druggist says, "Fine. That'll be $1.10."
"$1.10!?" says the man.
"Yes," the druggist says. "One dollar for the condom and ten
cents for the tax."
"Tacks?!!!" says the stupid man. "I thought you rolled them on."
%%
One day a big swarm of bees came through town.  All of the bees swarmed
over to the Shell Gas Station except one, who went to the Esso station.
Moral:  There's an Esso bee in every crowd.....
%%
Then there was that famous composer Bach, who, whenever
he worked away from home, developed a hearty appetite.
So every time he went on a trip he packed a huge lunch:
6 sandwiches, 3 apples, some cheese, and a selection of
cookies. This became known as a "Bach's Lunch."
%%
When Billy Shakespeare went swimming one day he was
obsessed with the notion that gypsy moths had been
feeding on the back of his trunks! He asked a friend to
investigate and make a thorough search. The friend
replied, "No holes, bard."
%%
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
%%
Have you heard the one about the tribe of Basques who lived
in this valley? They heard that barbarian hoards were
approaching, so they decided to lay a trap.  They all waited
in the hills at the entrance to the valley.  When the
barbarians passed by, they descended on them.
Unfortunately, the barbarians had a lot more experience at
warfare than the Basques did, and the Basques got
slaughtered.  The moral:  Don't put all your Basques in one
exit.
%%
Cheer up!   Yesterday won't matter tomorrow.
%%
Benny was very lonely. One day a Genie appeared to him
and said:"Benny, I will send you the girl of your dreams-
My only command to you is that you grow a long beard,and
never shave it off" Well, Benny was overjoyed and soon
was as happy as can be! For many years this happiness
continued; but one day Benny thought to himself: "it's
been so long, it will be OK if I shave now". So Benny
shaved off his beard; and an hour later was struck by
lightning and burned to death. What is the moral of this
story? A Benny shaved is a Benny burned!!!!
%%
I want what money can't buy -- more money.
%%
Ther once was a woman from Sidney..
Who said she could take one to the Kidney...
Along came a man from Quebec
and gave her one to the neck.
%%
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick.
Great BALLS of fire!!!!!!!  OOOuch!!
%%
What does a balloon and a virgin have in common?
-One prick and its gone.
%%
Two guys were drinking in a bar. The second guy says to the first
guy "You want to see something amazing?" and pulls out of his
pocket a miniature piano. The first guy says "What is so amazing
about that?" The second guy then reaches down and brings up a
little man, puts him at the piano, and the little man starts
playing. The first guy, amazed at what he saw asked "Where did
you get that?" The second gut said, "I was walking along the
beach when I found this bottle. When I rubbed it this genie came
out and said I could have one wish. Apparently he was hard of
hearing because he gave me a 12-inch pianist."
%%
Two guys walk into a bar - one is very handsome, and obviously
quite well off; the other is loud, obnoxious and a general jerk
to everyone he encounters.
   the bartender asks the first man - "What are you hanging
around with HIM for?"
   the man replies, "well - i found this bottle on the beach;
when i opened it, a genie appeared and said he'd grant me three
wishes.
   "my first wish was to be the best looking man in the world.
and now i am.
   "my second wish was to be the richest man in the world. now i
lend Michael Jackson money.
   "my third wish was to have the world's biggest prick; that's
when HE showed up..."
%%
Q: What's the difference between death and taxes?
A: Congress can't make death any worse than it is.
%%
Q: What is the similarity between hemorrhoids and cowboy hats?
A: Sooner or later, every asshole has one!
%%
Q: What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: "I don't know, and I don't care."
%%
Q: Hear about the new television show about yuppies in Alaska?
A: It's called "WD-30something"
%%
Q: How can you tell if a kid is a loser?
A: The kid is kidnapped, and they put his picture on a MILK DUDS carton.
%%
Q: What do the starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both go to Uranus to wipe out the cling-ons.
%%
Q: What's the difference between the Panama canal and Miss America?
A: The Panama canal is a busy ditch.
%%
Q: Why don't U.S. senators ever use bookmarks?
A: They like their pages bent.
%%
Q: What does a baby diaper and your boss have in common?
A: They are both all over your ass and usually full of shit!
%%
Q: How do you tell if your girlfriend is ticklish?
A: Give her a couple "test-tickles".
%%
Q: Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
A: Because when the dragged them by the feet, they filled up with dirt.
%%
Q: Did you hear about the new edition of Playboy for married men?
A: It has the same centerfold every month.
%%
Q: Did you hear about the girl with tits on her back?
A: She wasn't much to look at but she was great to slow dance with.
%%
Q: What is the difference between a circus and a chorus line?
A: The first is an array of cunning stunts.
%%
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
%%
Q: What's red and has 7 dents?
A: Snow White's cherry
%%
Q: How do you make paper dolls?
A: Screw an old bag
%%
Q: How can you tell which is the Head nurse?
A: She's the one with dirty knees
%%
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A: The blowjob.  You can beat your wife, eggs or meat; but you just can't beat
   a blowjob.
%%
Q: What's the definition of a virgin?
A: An ugly third grader
%%
Q: What do you call this? (Stick out tongue)
A: A lesbian with a hard-on
%%
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: "Hold onto your nuts!  This ain't gonna be no ordinary blowjob."
%%
Q: What do you call a female clone?
A: A clunt.
%%
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
%%
Q: What did Adam say to Eve?
A: "Stand back!  I don't know how big this thing gets!"
%%
Q: What's another reason God created the orgasm?
A: Because he couldn't wait for the second coming.
%%
Q: Why is being a dick not all it's cracked up to be?
A: First of all you have a head but no brains; there's a couple of nuts
   following you around all the time; your next door neighbor is an asshole
   and you best friend is a cunt.
%%
Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
%%
Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
%%
Q: How can you tell when your girlfriend is ugly?
A: When she's having an artificial insemination, and the syringe goes limp!
%%
Q: How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.
%%
Q: What's the difference between a cunt and a pussy?
A: A pussy is that nice warm thing you cuddle up to at night, a cunt is what it
   is attached to.
%%
Q: When does a cubscout become a boyscout?
A: When he eats his first brownie.
%%
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Cause it's no big deal unless your not getting any!
%%
Q: What is the difference between a paycheck and a penis?
A: You can always find a girl who'll blow your paycheck for you.
%%
Q: Did you hear about the girl who gave up bowling for sex?
A: The balls were lighter and she didn't have to change her shoes!
%%
Q: What's better than having a rose on your piano?
A: Having Tulips on your organ.
%%
Q: How are an oven and a woman alike?
A: You have to get them both hot before you stick the meat in.
%%
Q: How can you tell when you've had a really good blowjob?
A: You have to pull the sheets out of your ass.
%%
Q: Do you know what a guy with a big 12 inch cock has for breakfast?
A: "Well let's see, this morning I had two eggs, toast, coffee..."
%%
Q: Why do women have two holes on the bottom?
A: So when they get drunk at a party, you can carry them home like a six-pack.
%%
Q: What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a 20 ft. garden
   hose?
A: "Darling", "Sweetheart", "Precious", whatever it takes.
%%
Q: How can you tell if a ballerina isn't wearing panties?
A: When she does a split and sticks to the floor.
%%
Q: What is the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
%%
Q: Why is being in the Army like a PG movie?
A: Too much violence and not enough sex.
%%
Q: What is the difference between like and love?
A: Spit and swallow.
%%
Q: How do you go about screwing a 400-pound woman?
A: Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
%%
Q: How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?
A: When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo
%%
Q: How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A: They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
%%
Q: What do you call a shipment of vibrators?
A: "Toys for twats".
%%
Q: Do you know why Santa Claus doesn't have any children?
A: Because, he only comes once a year and then it's down a chimney.
%%
Q: What's the difference between masturbation and Basketball?
A: In Basketball, you dribble before you shoot.
%%
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree, the other looks up the family bush!
%%
Q: Why is eating pussy like dealing with the mafia?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
%%
Q: What's hard and straight going in, and soft and sticky coming out?
A: Chewing gum.
%%
Q: Why do they address cars as "she"?
A: Because, just like your wife, on a cold morning when you really need it,
   she won't turn over.
%%
Q: Did you hear about the new designer condoms?
A: They're called "Sergio Prevente."
%%
Q: What do you get when you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids.
%%
Q: What's worse than lipstick on your collar?
A: Leg makeup on your ears.
%%
Q: What do you call Miss Piggy's douche?
A: "Hog wash!"
%%
Q: What did Miss Piggy say when Gonzo called her?
A: "I can't talk right now - I've got a frog in my throat."
%%
Q: What do you do in the event of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
%%
Q: Why did God give women nipples?
A: To make suckers out of men.
%%
Q: What do you call a pussy that takes messages for you?
A: An answering cervix.
%%
Q: What do you give an eighty-year-old woman for her birthday?
A: Mikey...He'll eat anything.
%%
Q: What do you call a woman who uses too much contraceptive foam?
A: A spermicidal maniac.
%%
Q: Know what is the square root of 69?
A: Ate something.
%%
Q: What is the speed limit of sex?
A: 68, at 69 you have to turn around!
%%
Q: Why can women only go 68 mph on the highway?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
%%
Q: Why do women like to play PacMan?
A: It's the only way they know of to get eaten three times for a quarter.
%%
Q: Why do men like to play Pinball?
A: It's the only way they can get five balls for a quarter.
%%
Q: What are two things in the air that can make a woman pregnant?
A: Her legs.
%%
Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
A: You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball!
%%
Q: What's the difference between trash and a sorority girl?
A: Trash sometimes gets picked up.
%%
Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a Lamborghini?
A: Not everyone has been in a Lamborghini!
%%
Q: What does a sorority girl do when she wakes up?
A: She goes home!
%%
Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you use it!
%%
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Tie them together, make it a tire, and call it a good year.
%%
Q: Why do Valley Girls use two diaphragms?
A: "Fur Shur, Fur Shur."
%%
Q: Why don't cowboys make good lovers?
A: Because they think a good ride is eight seconds.
%%
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks!
%%
Q: What do soy beans and vibrators have in common?
A: They're both meat substitutes.
%%
What's green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
%%
Old footballers never die
They just play rugby..
%%
Did you know that New Zealand is the only country where you can go into a
Venus shop and buy a blow-up sheep ??
%%
Why do Kiwi's fuck sheep on the edge of cliffs ?
They push back harder !!
%%
How do you know when an Irishman has been using a computer ??
When you find liquid-paper over the screen !!!
%%
What did pinochio say to his girlfriend ???
Sit on my face and I will tell you a lie...
%%
What is a Darwin cocktail.... A Jin and a blanket

What is the worst thing you can call someone.... an ankel...why... because
it`s 3 feet lower than a cunt

How do you tell a bride at a Polish wedding... She`s the one with the clean
bowling shirt and sequened tennis shoes
%%
If  a man sleeps with a woman he gets syphallis if he sleeps with
a man he gets  AIDS  and  if  he sleeps  by  himself  he  gets  R.S.I.  !!
(Repetitive Strain Injury - i.e. forgets to change hands at 99 !!)
%%
Why do birds fly upside down over Italy?
Italians aren't worth shiting on.
%%
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a peanut butter sandwich ?
A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
%%
What do you have when you have two little green balls in your hand ?
Kermit's undivided attention.
%%
Why did God invent women ?
Because sheep can't cook.
%%
Q.Whats the difference between Britt Ekland and Ayers Rock?
A.Not everyones climbed on top of ayers rock.
%%
Q.What's the difference between Joan Collins and a bowling ball?
A.You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.
%%
Q.What have Niki Lauda and Hot-Lips Hoolihan got in common?
A.They've both been fucked by Major Burns
%%
Q.What goes into 13 six time?
A.Roman Polanski.
%%
Q.What would it take to get the Beatles back together?
A.Three bullets.
%%
Q.How did AIDS get into America?
A.Up the Hudson.
%%
Q.What have Rock Hudson and Muhammad Ali got in common?
A.They've both been badly battered around the ring.
%%
Q.Why did they lie Rock Hudson face down in his casket?
A.So his friends could recognise him.
%%
Q.Why does Nancy Reagan climb on top for sex?
A.Because Ronnie can only screw up.
%%
Q.Did you hear about Ronald Reagan's bowel transplant?
A.The bowel rejected him.
%%
Q.What does Boy George have for breakfast?
A.Smack, Crackle, Pop.
%%
Q.What's the difference between mother Theresa and a rubber tyre?
A.Ever had mother Theresa go down on you?
%%
Q.What's deadlier than a Sydney Funnel-web?
A.A Malaysian trapdoor.
%%
Q.Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquakes?
A.It did $100 Million worth of improvements.
%%
Q.Who killed more Indians than John Wayne?
A.Union Carbide.
%%
Q.Did you hear about the blind man who got a cheese grater for Christmas?
A.It was the most violent book he'd ever read.
%%
Q.How do you start a New Zealander in a small business?
A.Give him a big business and let him take it from there.
%%
Q.What's it impossible to find in New Zealand?
A.Virgin wool.
%%
Q.Why wasn't Christ born in New Zealand?
A.Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
%%
Q.What's the difference between the Millford track & the Aussie cricket team?
A.Not everyone's walked over the Millford track.
%%
Q.What's an Australian man's definition of foreplay?
A."You awake?"
%%
Q.Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A.Because you can't fit that much shit in a shoe.
%%
Q.Why do italian boys grow moustaches?
A.So they can be like their mothers.
%%
Q.How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.You don't have to change it - they all glow in the dark.
%%
Q.How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.Ten. One to hold and nine to turn the ladder.
%%
Q.Why do dogs lick their dicks?
A.Because they can.
%%
Q.What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
A.A few lines of coke and about ten drinks.
%%
Q.What's green and smells like pork?
A.Kermit's finger.
%%
Q.Why are camels called ships of the desert?
A.Because they're always full of Arab semen.
%%
Q.Why was alcohol invented?
A.So fat, ugly women can get laid.
%%
Q.Why do women have legs?
A.So they don't leave snail tracks.
%%
Q.Why do women have fingers?
A.Because sheep can't type.
%%
Q.Why are women's vaginas and anuses so close together?
A.So you can pick them up like a six pack.
%%
Q.What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A.After five years your job still sucks.
%%
Q.Why do Australian men come so quickly?
A.Because they can't wait to get down the to pub to tell their mates.
%%
Q.What's a poofter?
A.An Australian man who likes his women better than his beer.
%%
No family should ever attempt a car trip if the children outnumber the windows.
%%
No good deed goes unpunished.
%%
No man goes before his time.  Unless, of course, the boss leaves early.
%%
No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
%%
You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
%%
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to
you for the rest of the day.
%%
Nuke the whales
%%
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
%%
Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less
shit you have to eat.
%%
I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference.
%%
Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to
those of us who do.
%%
It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are
such fools.
%%
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.
%%
I'm not cynical. Just experianced.
%%
Ignore alien orders.
%%
I know you think you uderstood what I said, but what you heard
was not what I meant.
%%
I don't have a drinking problem.
I drink
I get drunk
I fall down
No problem
%%
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.
%%
I'm for lust.
%%
Bullshit Detector. When alarm sounds, please re-engage your brain.
%%
There are no errors in this book, except this one.
%%
Although our information is incorrect, we do not vouch for it: Satie
%%
An advertisement offers to make your fortune, instructions sent on
receipt of $1. The reply is -- "Do as we do."
%%
Describe a circle, stroke its back and it turns vicious: Ionesco
%%
In principle I am against principles: Tristan Tzara
%%
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one: Dumas fils
%%
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules: G. B. Shaw
%%
Every exit is an entry somewhere else: Tom Stoppard
%%
Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.
        -- Karl Marx
%%
The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground: Buddha
%%
The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on
the flyswatter: Lichtenberg
%%
At the moment of meeting, the parting begins.
%%
Substance is one of the greatest of our illusions: Eddington
%%
No light, but rather darkness visible: Milton
%%
What is the sound of one hand clapping?: Zen Buddhism
%%
The handleless axe without a blade: Lichtenberg
%%
What happens to your fist when you open your hand?: Zen Buddhism
%%
What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?: Bertolt Brecht
%%
My reputation grows with every failure: Shaw
%%
The exception proves the rule.
%%
Shop sign: We buy anything saleable.
%%
A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.
%%
If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid an immense
confusion?: Seng-Ts'an
%%
Our DOS who art in core
Amiga be thy name
Thy system come
Thy crashes done
On disk as it is in memory
Give us this day our daily I/O
and forgive us our syntax errors,
as we forgive those who have erred before us
and lead us not into corrupt data,
but deliver us from viruses
for yours is the mainframe, and the system
and the program forever.
guru
%%
The more you know, the less you think you know.
%%
Mr. X was disappointed to find no suggestion box in the clubhouse
because he would like to put a suggestion in it about having one.
%%
That mythical island, whose inhabitants earned a precarious living by
taking in each other's washing: Lewis Carroll
%%
"The candidate had allowed television cameras into his hotel suite to
watch him watch television."
%%
Where everyone wants to come as early as possible,  then necessarily  by
far the larger part must come too  late: Lichtenberg
%%
Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em and little
fleas have lesser fleas and so ad infinitum: Augustus de Morgan
%%
The hour which gives us life begins to take it away: Seneca
%%
Who shall stand guard over the guards themselves?: Juvenal
%%
Living means dying: Engels
%%
What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object? An
inconceivable disturbance.
%%
All modern thought is permeated by the idea of thinking the unthinkable:
Michel Foucault
%%
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms: George Wald
%%
The chicken was the egg's idea of getting more eggs: Samuel Butler
%%
The day is the same length as anything that is the same length as it:
Lewis Carroll
%%
Hasten slowly: Suetonius
%%
Achilles cannot defeat the tortoise if he thinks of space and time: Paul
Valery
%%
To endure what is unendurable is true endurance: Japanese proverb
%%
It is in changing that things find repose: Heraclitus
%%
Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose: Alphonse Karr
%%
There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy: Swift
%%
We can't leave the haphazard to chance: N.F. Simpson
%%
When Po-chang was asked about seeking for the Buddha nature: "It's much
like riding an ox in search of the ox"
%%
He spent his last shilling on a purse.
%%
I have always taken the tips of my fingers for the beginning of her
hair: Edmond Jabes
%%
He lifted himself up by his own bootstraps.
%%
The book above all others in the world which should be forbidden is a
catalogue of forbidden books: Lichtenberg
%%
It is no good trying to teach people who need to be taught: Aleister
Crowley
%%
A solipsist is like the man who gave up turning round because whatever
he saw was always in front of him: Ernst Mach
%%
A banker will lend you money only if you can prove you don't need it.
%%
What are husbands for, but to keep our mistresses?: George Moore
%%
Extremes meet: Louis-Sebastien Mercier
%%
A child, when it begins to speak, learns what it is that it knows: John
Hall Wheelock
%%
"Extremes meet," as the whiting said with its tail in its mouth: Thomas
Hood
%%
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money
the most, are the very ones that never have it: Finley Peter Dunne
%%
A poor man sells his saucepan to buy something to put in it.
%%
If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make
a wonderful living: Yiddish proverb
%%
The rich would have to eat money, but luckily the poor provide food:
Russian proverb
%%
The dearer a thing is, the cheaper as a general rule we sell it: Samuel
Butler
%%
Money costs too much: Lew Archer
%%
The average man is rich enough when he has a little more than he has
got, and not till then: William Ralph Inge
%%
Assumed Decimal Point - Located two positions to the right of a programmer's
                        current salary in estimating his own worth.
%%
Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
%%
Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desks to speed up output.
%%
Checkpoint - The location from which a programmer must forget in order to be
             successful.
%%
Core Storage - A receptacle for the center section of apples.
%%
Counter - A device over which martinis are served.
%%
Disassembler - An unattended five year old child.
%%
Error - What someone else has made when he disagrees with your computer output.
%%
External Storage - A wastebasket.
%%
Fixed Word Length - Four-letter words used by programmers in a state of
                    confusion.
%%
Floating Control - A characteristic exhibited when you have to go to the
                   restroom but cannot leave the computer.
%%
Floating Point - The absolute limit before floating control is lost.
%%
Flow Chart - A graphic representation of the fastest route to the restroom.
%%
Input - Food, whiskey, beer, asprin, etc.
%%
Macro - The last half of an expression of surprise: "Holy Macro".
%%
Memory Dump - Amnesia.
%%
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate
             opjects.
%%
GO PLACIDLY AMID THE NOISE AND WASTE, AND REMEMBER WHAT COMFORT THERE MAY BE
                        IN OWNING A PIECE THEREOF.
%%
Avoid quiet and passive person unless you are in need of sleep.
%%
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, and heed well their advice,
even though they be turkeys.
%%
Know what to kiss and when.
%%
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
%%
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
%%
Be comforted in the face of all aridity and disillusionment and despite the
changing fortunes of time, there is always a big fortune in computer
maintenance.
%%
Remember the Pueblo.
%%
Strive at all time to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
%%
Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI.
%%
Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest
to you. That lemon on your left, for instance.
%%
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get one's
feet wet.
%%
Fall not in love, therefore it will stick to your face.
%%
Gracefully surrender the things of youth:  birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan;
and let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
%%
Hire people with looks.
%%
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the
   experience.
%%
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians
   who have come up to relate to the experience.
%%
TELECOMMUNICATIONS DICTIONARY

Term               Definition.
-----              ---------------
Modem ................. What landscapers do to dem lawns.
Token Ring ............ A virtual engagement gift.
Ethernet .............. A device for catching the Ether Bunny.
DataPac ............... A size 14 girl in a size 8 bikini.
Asynch ................ A place to wash your hands.
Bysnch ................ The place where Elton John washes his hands.
BBS ................... Tall tales told by insects that produce honey.
ASCII ................. The ancient god of telecommunications. Rumored to
                        give vast amounts of data to believers. Hence,
                        the phrase "ASCII and you shall receive."
Block Parity .......... One heck of a good time.
Carrier Detect ........ Raison d'etre for premarital blood tests.
File Transfer ......... Procedure followed by INFORMATION CENTER staff who
                        are tired of their present jobs.
Hayes Compatible ...... Prone to riding with a grizzled old cowhand who
                        sings off-key. Gene Autry is the industry standard.
Serial Interface ...... A spoon.
Terminal Emulation .... A function performed by a canary that lays on its
                        back with its legs in the air.
X-Modem ............... A device on the losing end of an encounter with
                        lightning.
%%
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
   A1:None of your damn business!
   A2:50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.
%%
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three:
   One to write the light bulb removal program,
   One to write the light bulb insertaion program, and
   One to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that
   nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.
%%
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
%%
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb and one not to change it.
   Note: 1 to change and 1 not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is
         four. One to change the bulb.
%%
Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.
%%
Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how
   good the old light bulb was.
%%
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
   with brightly colored machine tools.
%%
Q: How many gorrilas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
%%
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb
   installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
%%
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
%%
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
%%
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to
   dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.
%%
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-001,
   Multitasking Incadescent Source System Facility, of which
   10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left
   blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ------
   consists of sequences of non-blank characters seperated by
   blanks".
%%
Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in, and the other to say "Fabulous!"
%%
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
%%
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to
   shoot the witness.
%%
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
%%
     The Ideal Wife should be beautiful, but not so beautiful
that people think you married her only for her beauty.  And The
Ideal Wife should be wealthy, but not so wealthy that people
think you married her only for her money.  And The Ideal Wife
should be gentle, but not so gentle that she can't suck a tennis
ball through a fifty-foot garden hose.
%%
People felt sorry for the poor little Russian boy with his arms
full of newspapers.  But Ivan held his head high with pride, for
after all, he did have a clutch of Tass.
%%
Q:  What do Marilyn Quayle and Marion Berry (mayor of Washington DC) have in
    common?
A:  They both like to blow a little dope!
%%
There's one behind every Zipper!
%%
There once was a yellow toad.  He was a very unhappy toad because he had
no friends.  Thus, he consulted a magician, who was able to turn him
brown, except for his private parts.  When queried, the magician said,
For that you must see the Wizard; I never have much luck with those."
On the way to see the Wizard, the toad encountered a pink elephant, who
was leaning against a rock and crying.  "What's the matter?" asked the
toad.  "I'm pink! That's what's the matter." said the elephant.  "No
problem," said the toad, "just go see the magician."  So the elephant
did, and the magician turned him grey - except, again, for his private
parts.  "For that you must see the Wizard," said the magician.  "How do
I find the Wizard?" asked the elephant.
"Simple," said the magician, "just follow the yellow-prick toad!"
%%
As Ensigns in the Navy, Bill and Bob were assigned to the detail
that goes to the parents' house to break the sad news, in this case
that a son had been killed at sea in a plane crash. Bill was very
uncomfortable with the role, and is barely able to stammer through
these words:
"Mrs. Jones, ah, it's my sad duty to, um, inform you your son was
killed in the service of your country."
She breaks down in tears and moans, "Oh, I'll never be able to look
at him in his coffin."
And Bob says, "Oh, don't worry about that; it's no problem... They
didn't recover his body."
%%
My comm port + Your comm port = wakawaka
%%
What's for dinner  ?
Meatloaf
What about the vegitables ?
The're not home from school yet
%%
Practice safe hex, type in surgical gloves.
%%
       I was watching Wizard of Oz the other day.. and it occured to me
that there was some major glitches in it.
    Who in their right mind who keep a bucket of the stuff that meltys
them "Just laying around"
    Think about it..  The Witch meltsz at the touch of water... SHE NEVER
HAD A BATH.. no wonder she was green and had no friends!
%%
"Make it a double, Joe," the dejected man told the
bartender. "I just got the shock of my life.  I
caught my wife srewing my best friend."
   "Paul, that's awful.  What did you do?"
   "I hit him in the nose with a newspaper and sent
him to bed with no Kibbles N Bits."
%%
                William Safire's Rules for Writers:

Remember to never split an infinitive.  The passive voice should never
be used.  Do not put statements in the negative form.  Verbs have to
agree with their subjects.  Proofread carefully to see if you words
out.  If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal
of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.  A writer must
not shift your point of view.  And don't start a sentence with a
conjunction.  (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a
sentence with.)  Don't overuse exclamation marks!!  Place pronouns as
close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more
words, to their antecedents.  Writing carefully, dangling participles
must be avoided.  If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a
linking verb is.  Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing
metaphors.  Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.  Everyone should
be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their
writing.  Always pick on the correct idiom.  The adverb always follows
the verb.  Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek
viable alternatives.
%%
Don't overtax yourself.. it's the gov't's job
%%
Why is American beer like making love in a canoe?
They're both f*cking close to water!
%%
Women!  You can't live with them..... pass the beer nuts...
%%
What's cheaper Beer Nuts or Deer Nuts?
Well... Beer Nuts are about $2.30 a can and Deer Nuts are just under a buck..
%%
Gilligan's Island is a documentary.
%%
Can you believe it???
George Bush has been in office just 1 year and already they have his wife's
picture on the dollar bill!
%%
This line will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
%%
There were these two peanuts walking down the street and one was assaulted.
%%
 The parish priest couldn't resist the pretty young girl. She was
reciting her confession, and it was all too much for him. He told her to
come with him to his room. There, he place his arm around her.
 "Did the young man do this to you?" he asked.
 "Yes, Father, and worse," the girl replied.
 "Hmm," said the priest. He kissed her.
 "Did he do this?"
 "Yes, Father, and worse," the girl said.
 "Did he do this?" the priest asked, and he lifted her skirt and
fingered her bush.
 "Yes, Father, and worse."
 By this time, the priest was thoroughly aroused. He pulled the girl
down onto the rug and inserted his penis, breathing heavily as he
asked,"Did he manage to do this?"
 "Yes, Father, and worse," said the girl.
 When the priest had finished with the girl, he asked,"He did this too,
and worse? My dear daughter, what worse could he have done?"
 "Well," the shy young girl said, "I think, Father, that he's given me
gonorrhea."
%%
I heard that they were going to move Texas A&M to Canada.......
They say that it will raise the average IQ of both countries.
%%
Square sun, square moon, square screen.
%%
During the long boring cycle of life, you only have 2 things to
worry about. You have to worry about being well, or being sick.
If you are well, you have nothing to worry about. If you are
sick, you have 2 things to worry about: If you are going to
get better, or if you are going to get worse. If you are
going to get better, you have nothing to worry about. If you
are going to get worse, you only have 2 things to worry about:
If you are going to live of if you're going to die. If you are
going to live, you have nothing to worry about. If you are going
to die, you only have 2 things to worry about: If you are
going to go to Heaven, or if you are going to go to Hell. If you
are going to go to Heaven, you have nothing to worry about.
If you are going to go to Hell, you will probably be so busy
shaking hands with friends that you will have nothing to worry
about.
%%
What's the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman barber?
One is a raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman!
%%
What's the difference between the Panama Canal and Za Za Gabor?
One's a Busy Ditch and the others a ......
%%
"Mommy, mommy, I hate Jimmy's guts!"
"Shut up and eat what's on your plate..."
%%
"Mommy, mommy, I don't WANT to go to Europe!"
"Shut up and keep swimming..."
%%
Little Eddie was bent over his desk when the teacher came up and
asked him, "Eddie, what are you doing?"
  Eddie said, "I'm drawing a picture of God."
  "But Eddie," the teacher said, "nobody knows what God looks like."
  "They will when I get finished!"
%%
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
%%
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
%%
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on
   payment of license fee.
%%
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
%%
Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?
A1:None. "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.
A2:None of your damn business!
%%
Q: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. A "Real Woman" would have plenty of real men around to do it.
%%
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. (Hint: they are small enough to fit inside)
%%
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
%%
Q: How many Generals/Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild
   civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
%%
Q: How many med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.
%%
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
%%
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!
%%
Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
%%
Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would
   screw itself in.
%%
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10: One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
%%
Q: How many strong bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 115: One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.
%%
Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
%%
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.
%%
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do
   with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
%%
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
%%
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
%%
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better
   it is than with a man.
%%
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.
%%
Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!
%%
Q: How many psychics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ---- You should have hit "n"!
%%
Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One-third less than for a regular bulb.
%%
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
%%
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and the other to assume the ladder.
%%
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
%%
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give
   it a suprising twist at the end.
%%
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light
   bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of
   subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity
   reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
%%
Q: How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who says it's dark?
%%
Q: How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 50: One to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him.
%%
Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take
   to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy
   dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist
   dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask,
   masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak
   up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture,
   remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-
   high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has
   driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's
   real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck,
   drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.
%%
Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
%%
Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace
   a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.
%%
Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.
%%
To whom should I go to for some self-help?
%%
For a good time, call 867-5309, ask for Betty.
%%
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough
cheese; and reflect that it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
%%
You are a fluke of the universe, you have no right to be here, and whether
you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back. Therefore,
make peace with your God, whatever you conceive Him to  be; Hairy Thunderer
or Cosmic Muffin.
%%
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues
to deteriorate.  Give up.
%%
This fellow wishes to join an exclusive African lion-hunters club.  Actually,
the club's members consist entirely of aging Englishmen, who never do any
hunting, and whose only enjoyment comes when some silly sod wants to join. On
the night of the initiation, all of the members sit beneith the African sky
around three identical grass huts.  The club's founder begins to speak: "To
become one of use, you must pass the test of the three huts.  In the first hut,
there is a bottle of whiskey that must be consumed.  In the second, there is a
Bengal tiger with a bad tooth that must be removed.  In the third, there is an
amourous woman that must be satisfied."  With only a lion's skin to wear, the
man marches into the first hut, and, after a minute of gulping noises, comes
staggering out and barely makes his way in to the second.  Within seconds, the
hut begins shaking as fur flies in all directions, and screams can be heard
from both man and beast within. After another moment of silence, the man
emerges from the second hut, bleeding, and covered from head-to-toe with
thousand of scratches.  He strains his eyes at the concerned looking crowd of
old men and asks "Now where's this woman with the bad tooth?"
%%
A couple are lying in bed one night when the husband turns to his wife and
begins to kiss her and stroke her skin.  "Oh honey, I can't tonight," the wife
apologizes, "I have a gynocologist appointment tomorrow."  The man turns over a
sulks for awhile.  Suddenly, the man turns over and asks "Honey, you don't
happen to have a dentist appointment tomorrow, do you?"
%%
A man goes to his doctor for his yearly checkup.  The doctor instructs him to
give a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample.  "Gee, I'm in kind of
a hurry Doc,"  the man says, "can I just leave a pair of my underwear?"
%%
This guy starts getting these headaches that progressively worsen until he
can't eat, sleep, or work.  After an extensive examination, the doctor tells
him that they can cure the headaches, but that it will require an operation
where they remove both of his testicles.  The man eventually realizes that he
simply can't continue with the headaches, so he reluctantly agrees.  Upon
awaking after the operation, there is no trace of the headaches.  He checks out
of the hospital, feeling like he has been reborn.  In order to celebrate, he
decides to go into a fancy men's shop, and treat himself to the most expensive
imported suit they have.  The old man in the shop, having gotten an idea of
what the man would like, starts off to find him a suit.  "Wait," the man says,
"you don't even know my measurements yet."  The old man explains that he's been
working in the garment industry all his life, and can tell a person's
measurements just by looking at him.  To prove it, the old man starts rattling
off measurements - "33 waist, 32 inseam, 16 neck, 34 sleeve, 32 underwear."
"Correct on everything but the underwear," the man says admiringly, "I wear
size 30."  "No way," the old man says confidently, "32 underwear is definitely
your size, I'm sure."  "Look," the man says, a little irritated, "I ought to
know what size underwear I wear."  The old man interrupts him, yelling "IF YOU
WORE SIZE 30 UNDERWEAR, YOU'D HAVE THE MOST EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL HEADACHES!"
%%
This city-slicker goes out to the country and visits a county fair.  While he's
there, he decides to buy a small pig.  He goes to a farmer and asks how much
the piglets are.  "Five bucks a pound mister," the farmer says, "just pick one
out that you like.  Having made his selection, the farmer bends down, puts the
little pig's tail in his mouth, and lifts the pig off the ground.  The farmer
bobs up and down a few times, then puts the pig down and says "fourteen and a
quarter pounds at five bucks a pound...that'll be seventy one twenty five."
"You must think I'm pretty stupid to fall for that routine, why don't you go
and get a proper scale" the man asks.  The farmer replies that there aren't any
in town, and that he and his family provide weighing services to all the
townfolk.  The city-slicker doesn't buy this, so the farmer calls his son out.
The little boy puts the piglet's tail in his mouth, picks him up, bobs up and
down, and says "I reckon fourteen and a quarter pounds dad."  The farmer tells
the kid to go get his mother, saying "she'll give you precisely the same
measurement."  While the boy is gone, the farmer explains how the family is
known far-and-wide for their accuracy.  "Yep, we're calibrated once yearly by
the local weights and measures beureau..."  Minutes later, the little boy
returns alone.  "What happened," the farmer asks, "where's your mom?"  "She
can't come right now, pop" the boy replies, "she's busy weighing the postman."
%%
In Heaven:
          the cooks are French,
          the policemen are English,
          the mechanics are German,
          the lovers are Italian
                   and
          the bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
          the cooks are English,
          the policemen are German,
          the mechanics are French,
          the lovers are Swiss
                  and
          the bankers are Italian.
%%
This guy walks into a bar for the first time, and he's sitting around drinking.
 Some of the old timers are telling jokes.  One of them says "Seventeen" and
the other old timers all roar with laughter.  A little later, another of 'em
says "Thirty-Two" and again, they all laugh and holler.  Well, the new guy
can't figure out what's going on, so he asks one of the locals next to him
"What're these old-timers doin'?"  The local says "Well, they've been hangin'
around together so long they all know all the same jokes, so to save extra
talkin' they've given 'em all numbers."  The new fellow says "That's mighty
clever!  I think I'll try that."  So he stands up and says in a loud voice
"Nineteen!"  Silence; everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs.
Embarrassed, he sits down again, and asks the local fellow "What happened?  Why
didn't anyone laugh?"  The local says "Well, son, ya just didn't tell it
right..."
%%
Some guys are trading increadible stories in a bar when one of them pulls a
miniature grand piano out of his pocket and sets it down on the bar.  Next he
produces a little man about a foot high from his other pocket and sets him down
on the bar.  The tiny man sits down at the piano, and immediately starts
playing the minute waltz.      Upon the insistance of the other patrons in the
bar, the man tells how he was walking on the beach when he spotted a bottle
that had washed up on shore. Once open, the bottle produced a cloud of green
smoke from which appeared a genie.  The genie promised the man that he could
have anything that he wanted. "But he must of been hard of hearing" the man
said sadly, "'cause he gave me this twelve-inch pianist!"
%%
Bill goes to a fertility clinic.  "The first thing we need", says the doctor,
"is a sperm sample".  He gives Bill a bottle and directs him to room four. Bill
goes down the hall, opens the door to room four and finds two absolutely
gorgeous women dressed in scanty lingerie.  They procede to arouse him beyond
his wildest dreams, and in a few minutes, he heads back down the hall with a
big smile and a full bottle.  Realizing he had to pee, he opens the door to the
first bathroom he comes across, only to interrupt a guy frantically
masturbating with a copy of Playboy.  In the second bathroom a fellow was doing
the same thing with a Penthouse centerfold.  Back in the doctor's office, Bill
asks the doctor about the two other fellows.  "Oh, those guys?" asked the
doctor dismissively.  "Those're my Medicaid patients."
%%
John and Mary were lying in bed one night.  John turns to Mary and says "Do you
know what's wrong with you?  Your tits are too small and your hole is too
tight!" to which she replies "GET OFF MY BACK"
%%
A bear went into a bar and ordered a beer.  He gave the bartender a twenty and
the bartender went to the other end of the bar to put the money in the
register.  The second bartender whispered to the first, "He's a bear, what does
he know, shortchange him."  The first bartender brings the bear $10 in change.
A little while later the bartender starts talking to the bear and mentions, "We
don't get many bears in this bar." The bear replies, "I'm not surprised, at $10
a beer I sure won't be back again....
%%
A bear walks into a bar and asks for a beer.  The bartender replies, "Sorry, we
don't serve no beer to no bears in this bar. The bear asks again and is again
told, "We don't serve no beer to no bears in this bar."  The bear then says,
"See that lady at the end of the bar.  If you don't sell me a beer I'm going to
eat her."  The bartender again replies, "We don't serve no beer to no bears in
this bar."  The bear eats the lady comes back to the other end of the bar and
says, " Now will you sell me a beer?" The bartender responds, "We don't serve
no beer to no bears in this bar, especially no bears on drugs." Indignantly,
the bear says, "What do you mean on drugs?" The bartender answers, "Well, that
was a Bar Bitch You Ate!"
%%
A young man and woman have only been married for two days. One night, just as they are getting
ready to go to bed, they hear a noise in the backyard, kind of like a vacuum cleaner in reverse.
They put on their robes and run outside, there, hovering over the lawn is a flying saucer. It
lands, and two tall, beautiful silver aliens get out. Obviously a male and a female, and
according to earth standard, quite beautiful. They explain to the newlyweds that they need to
stay overnight to effect repairs to their ship. The young couple agrees, and invite the aliens
in for a snack. The aliens agree, but say that it would only be sociable to then invite the
newlyweds for a snack. "We will invite you aboard our spacecraft, but you must abide by our
customs. You must stay the night, and it is only courteous that we change partners for the
night." The newlyweds talk it over and agree. That night, the wife is with the male alien.
He undresses and she stares at his perfect body. Then her gaze crosses his groin, and a
look of disappointment comes over her. "Is there something wrong?" asks the alien. "Well,
you seem so ... uh... small." "No problem," replies the alien, he twists his ear and his
organ grows longer. The woman still seems disappointed. She indicates she would like the
alien to be "wider." He twists the other ear and grows wider.  The next morning over
breakfast, the wife tells her husband what a wonderful night she had with the alien, and that
she can hardly wait to share some of the techniques with her husband the next night. "Honey,
how was your night?" she asks. "Terrible." he said. "The female alien was truly beautiful, but
all she did was twist my ears all night long."
%%
Your imagination, my dear fellow, is worth more than you imagine: Louis
Aragon
%%
You get the best view of Paris from the Eiffel Tower, because you can't
see the Eiffel Tower from there.
%%
No man who needs a monument ever ought to have one: Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
Chuang Tzu dreamt he was a butterfly and did not know, when he awoke, if
he was a man who had dreamt he was a butterfly or a butterfly who now
dreamt he was a man.
%%
Coming events cast their shadows before.
%%
You cannot step twice into the same river, for other waters are
continually flowing on: Heraclitus
%%
Tomorrow never comes.
%%
You cannot step into the same river once: Cratylus
%%
The supreme triumph of reason is to cast doubt upon its own validity:
Miguel de Unamuno
%%
The superfluous, a very necessary thing: Voltaire
%%
Only the ephemeral is of lasting value: Ionesco
%%
Prophecy is many times the principal cause of the events foretold:
Thomas Hobbes
%%
The thing that astonished him was that cats should have two holes cut in
their coat exactly at the place where their eyes are: Lichtenberg
%%
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it: Dwight D.
Eisenhower
%%
Isn't the best defence always a good attack?: Ovid
%%
Another victory like that and we are done for: Pyrrhus
%%
Remember, to them it is us who are the enemy: N.F.Simpson
%%
He who despises himself nevertheless esteems himself as a self-despiser:
Nietzsche
%%
The child is father of the man: Wordsworth
%%
The clan of those without a clan: Robert Lebel
%%
Youth is wasted on the young: G.B. Shaw
%%
"My friend Jones will vouch for me." "How do we know that he can be
trusted?" "Oh, I assure you he can."
%%
Can't see the wood for the trees.
%%
P.S. If you don't receive this letter, it must have miscarried:
therefore I beg you to write and let me know.
%%
Can't see for looking.
%%
Trying to define humour is one of the definitions of humour: Saul
Steinberg
%%
The biter bit.
%%
When independence of principle consists in having no principle on which
to depend: C.C. Colton
%%
They must have the defects of their qualities: Balzac
%%
"Be spontaneous!"
%%
Who is worse shod than the shoemaker's wife?
%%
In a philosophical dispute, he gains most who is defeated, since he
learns most: Epicurus
%%
Boredom -- the desire for desires: Leo Tolstoy
%%
A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears:
Montaigne
%%
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough: Thomas Fuller
%%
The celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness: Daniel
Boorstin
%%
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it: Wilde
%%
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion: Parkinson's Law
%%
Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so: J.S. Mill
%%
The medium is the message: Marshall McLuhan
%%
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow: Wilde
%%
Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little: Epicurus
%%
He who thinks he is raising a mound may only in reality be digging a
pit: Ernest Bramah
%%
A ring is a hole with a rim round it.
%%
The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between
the notes -- ah, that is where the art resides: Schnabel
%%
You were conspicuous by your absence: Lord John Russell
%%
There is nothing like worrying about the bowels opening to stop them
opening: Dr. Clark Kennedy
%%
Bad is never good until worse happens: Danish proverb
%%
Life imitates art far more than art imitates life: Wilde
%%
Art lies in concealing art.
%%
How to paint a perfect painting -- make yourself perfect and then just
paint naturally: Robert M. Pirsig
%%
Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth: Picasso
%%
An artist who is self-taught is taught by a very ignorant person indeed:
Constable
%%
In painting you must give the idea of the true by means of the false:
Degas
%%
"When you say `hill'," the Queen interrupted, "I could show you hills,
in comparison, with which you'd call that a valley": Carroll
%%
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth: Alan
Watts
%%
It's the last straw that breaks the camel's back.
%%
To Wilde, a book on Italian literature showed a "want of knowledge that
must be the result of years of study."
%%
If you turn on the light quickly enough you can see what the dark looks
like.
%%
There is nothing so unthinkable as thought, unless it be the entire
absence of thought: Samuel Butler
%%
The field cannot well be seen from within the field: Emerson
%%
No region can include itself as well: Whitehead
%%
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed:
Southern Californian Oracle
%%
And He Said:
We have never had any complaints about this product in the history of it.
%%
And He Said:
This is a maintenance free product and requires no work to keep it going.
%%
And He Said:
This mechanism has always been trouble free.
%%
And He Said:
Product requires minimal assembly which can be done with a screwdriver.
%%
And He Said:
Who cares who wins, it's the way you play the game that counts.
%%
And He Said:
When the current stock is sold, it will not be reordered, so buy it now.
%%
And He Said:
This product is not available in any store at any price.
%%
And He Said:
The weather forecast says sunshine, so leave the boots and rainwear home.
%%
And He Said:
There is a minimal service charge for each call.
%%
And He Said:
The superintendent will be there shortly to correct the problem.
%%
And He Said:
The home office is in Kyoto, but you will never need to call them there.
%%
And He Said:
Because of high demand, allow three to six months for delivery.
%%
And He Said:     
Our service truck is on the way to your home at this very time.
%%
And He Said:
We have never even heard of any malfunction of this item before.
%%
Our simple assembly instructions make it almost impossible to fail.
%%
And He Said:
It is absolutely water proof and has never been known to leak.
%%
And He Said:
In the event of minor difficulty, consult the manual for detailed help.
%%
And He Said:
At this price, you can't afford not to buy it.
%%
And He Said:
In this instance, reconditioned means as good as new.
%%
And He Said:
A friendly consultant is available night or day, as close as your phone.
%%
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
%%
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
%%
Gravity brings me down.
%%
When you're up to your hips in alligators, You forget the original project was to drain the swamp.
%%
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
%%
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
%%
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
%%
Call out the vice squad!  Someone's mounting a disk drive!
%%
He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
%%
Sorry No COOKIES today!!
%%
Lake Erie died for your sins.
%%
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form
of misery.
%%
You scratch my tape, and I'll scratch yours.
%%
The cost of feathers has risen.... Now even down is up!
%%
He keeps differentiating.... flying off on a tangent.
%%
May all your PUSHes be POPed.
%%
COLE's LAW  -  Thinly sliced cabbage.
%%
This is a GENUINE Cookie! Don't be fooled by cheap imitations!
%%
Do married women make the best wives?
%%
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
%%
Morfy's law - Enythink thit ken go rong willl.
%%
Is a Jamaican terminal a raster-farian?
%%
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
%%
Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
%%
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
%%
Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of catsup).
%%
It is hard to soar with the eagles when you work with the turkeys.
%%
Nuke the Whales!
%%
Basic is a high level languish.
%%
Prunes give you a run for your money.
%%
Drilling for oil is boring.
%%
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
%%
This cookie is void where prohibited, licensed, or taxed.
%%
More people have died in Teddy Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
%%
Teachers have class.
%%
This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.
(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
%%
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
%%
The solution of this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise for the
reader.
%%
Do not read this cookie under penalty of law.
%%
Physicists get hadrons.
%%
Female programmers get their bits twiddled.
%%
Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
(Those who have already paid may disregard this cookie).
%%
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
%%
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
%%
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
%%
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
%%
Sex is like euchre; if you don't have a partner, you'd better have a good hand!
%%
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
%%
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
%%
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
%%
Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.
%%
Confucious say: "Is stuffy inside fortune cookie."
%%
Midas was into golden showers.
%%
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
%%
Neutrinos are into physicists.
%%
On the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise:
"Where no man has gone before"
%%
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
%%
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
%%
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
%%
Programming Department:  Mistakes made while you wait.
%%
Microbiology Lab:  Staph Only!
%%
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
%%
Oh you never would believe where these little cookies come from...
%%
Neuroses are red,
Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
What are you?
%%
Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid, Open it and you remove
all doubt.
%%
This cookie will soon appear as a Bantam paperback.
%%
Save Soviet Jews! Collect them or trade them with your friends.
%%
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
%%
Weekend, where are you?
%%
Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"
%%
Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.
%%
LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
%%
Individualists unite!
%%
Money is the root of all wealth.
%%
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
%%
Men have many faults,
Women only two:
Everything they say,
And everything they do!
%%
Happiness is twin floppies.
%%
Happiness is a hard disk.
%%
Teamwork is vital! (It gives you someone to blame.)
%%
Keep America Beautiful....  emigrate.
%%
Disregard the previous cookie.
%%
If God had been in favor of homosexuality, He never would have created Anita Bryant!
%%
If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
%%
If you eat yogurt you'll have lots of culture.
%%
Chemists really know their bismuth.
%%
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!
%%
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
%%
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -
the rest is overhead for the operating system.
%%
The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are
assigned to the project.
%%
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
%%
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
%%
Computers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but your operators.
%%
Eschew Obfuscation!
%%
Are movies about Vulcans Pathe-logical?
%%
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
%%
This cookie intentionally left empty.
%%
An expert is someone from out of town.
%%
If you see an onion ring - answer it!
%%
Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile revenge.
%%
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
%%
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!

Don't read this cookie!
%%
Poverty begins at home.
%%
Do it today, Tomorrow it will be illegal.
%%
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
%%
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
%%
This cookie back by popular demand!
%%
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
%%
Old frogs never die, But they do croak!
%%
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
%%
Every time I lose weight, It finds me again!
%%
Two is company, three is an orgy.
%%
Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
%%
He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck.
%%
Women should be obscene and not heard.
%%
Do unto others before they undo you.
%%
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first!
%%
He who hesitates is constipated.
%%
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
%%
The best things in life are for a fee.
%%
He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
%%
If all the girls at Vassar were laid end to end I wouldn't be suprised!
%%
How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass?
%%
Topologists are just plane folks.
   Pilots are just plane folks.
      Carpenters are just plane folks.
         Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
            Musicians are just playin' folks.
               Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.
                  Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.
%%
You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time,
but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
%%
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
%%
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
%%
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
%%
Astronauts are out to launch.
%%
Winter is I-commin back!
%%
Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation.
%%
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons really was a nut?
%%
gardeners are prone to sod-den decisions!
%%
Be alert,  America needs more lerts.
%%
Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
%%
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
%%
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
%%
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
%%
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
%%
Engineers do it precisely. Technicians do it a lot.
%%
Computer Engineers do it bit by bit.
%%
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
%%
Poverty is the root of all evil.
%%
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
%%
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
%%
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
%%
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
%%
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
%%
Q: What did Spock find in the Enterprise toilet?
A: The captain's log.
%%
Jesus and Moses went out to play golf one day. Moses tees off on the first
hole, and hits a beautiful 250-yard drive right in the middle of the fairway.
Jesus steps up, and hits a worm-burner about 50 yards. Moses started to
laugh, but then a mouse picked up the ball and ran down the fairway. A hawk
swooped down from the sky, picked up the mouse, flew over the green, and
dropped the mouse. The mouse dropped the ball, and the ball rolled right in
the cup. Moses turned to Jesus and says, "Are you gonna play golf or just
screw around?"
%%
A young boy walked up to his father and asked, "Dad? Does a lawyer ever tell
the truth?" The Father thought for a moment. "Yes Son," he replied, "Some-
times a lawyer will do anything to win a case."
%%
A man and his wife had gotten into the habit of referring to making love as
"doing the laundry" so their kid's wouldn't know what was up. One day the
man came home from work and said to his wife, "Honey, let's do some laundry."
"Not now," she said, "I've had a hard day and I just wanna watch a little
t.v." "OK," he says, "I'm gonna go take a nap." Time passed and the missus
decided that a little whoopee might be just the thing so she joined her hubby
in the bedroom. "I've changed my mind, let's do some laundry " she said.
"Sorry," said the husband, "but I just had a small load, so I did it by
hand."
%%
Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them ...
%%
Elvis was murdered by donuts.
%%
Two dogs walking through the woods, both get caught in bear traps. One dog
says, "We need to chew off a leg to get loose." The other dog says no way.
First dog chews off his leg, goes in to town, gets patched up by the vet,
and comes back a few days later. The other dog is still in the trap. The
first dog says, ""You need to chew off your leg to get loose." The other
dog says, "I already chewed off three legs and I still ain't free."
%%
A gigolo married an ugly, not too bright woman who happened to have loads of
money. One day the man went out to repair a hole in the roof of the stable.
"I need a ladder," he said to his wife. "Get the ladder, get the ladder," she
repeated dutifully as she trotted off. "I need a hammer and nails," he told
her a bit later. "Get the hammer, get the nails, get the hammer ..." she
repeated as she ran back to the toolshed. The guy soon got down to work and
was hammering away when he hit himself squarely on the thumb. "Fuck!" he
screamed. His wife bobbed away saying, "Get the bag, get the bag!"
%%
Q: Why does Washington, D.C. have so many lawyers and New Jersey so many
   toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got to choose first ...
%%
Q: Whats blue and comes in brownies?
A: Cub Scouts.
%%
Q: What's the definition of a wife?
A: An attachment you screw on the bed to clean the house.
%%
Q: Did you hear about the cement truck that crashed into the prison bus?
A: They ended up with a bunch of hardened criminals.
%%
Q: Did you hear about the boatload of red paint that crashed into a boat
   carrying blue paint?
A: 13 passengers were marooned.
%%
Q: What looks like, smells like and tastes like banana's, but isn't banana's?
A: Monkey puke.
%%
Q: What do you tell a dutchman who has his finger in a dyke?
A: That he's wasting his time, there's no way he'll stop the flow.
%%
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
%%
Smile! Things can only get worse.
%%
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
%%
All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
%%
There are two kinds of people in this world:
  Those that want to BE something,
  and those that want to DO something.
(There is less competition in the second category.)
%%
Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
%%
Vice Versa - poems about brothels?
%%
Give a woman an inch  and she'll park a car in it.
Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.

%%
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
%%
And He Said:
We are sure that the sub-assembly will be in with the next shipment.
%%
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
%%
Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!
%%
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
%%
He who hesitates is last.
%%
Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
%%
A man's house is his hassle.
%%
Chaste makes waste.
%%
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
%%
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
%%
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
%%
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
%%
Programmers get overlaid.
%%
Jesus Saves, but Johnson scores on the rebound.
%%
In case of injury notify your superior immediately
- He'll kiss it and make it better!
%%
GIVE:  Support the helpless victims of computer error.
%%
Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H2O
was H2SO4.
%%
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
%%
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
%%
Shift to the left, shift to the right, mask in, mask out, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE !!
%%
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
%%
Friction is a drag.
%%
Heisenburg may have slept here.
%%
What fools these morals be!
%%
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
%%
Love America - or give it back.
%%
Your program is sick!  Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
%%
Biology grows on you.
%%
Blame Saint Andreas - its all his fault.
%%
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
%%
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
%%
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
%%
Go climb a gravity well.
%%
A man's best friend is his dogma.
%%
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
%%
I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to tell
such LIES!
%%
Every interesting program has at least one variable, one branch, and one loop
.......... And at least one bug!
%%
That does not compute.
%%
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
%%
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
%%
Battle Creek makes cereal terminals.
%%
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
%%
Jesus Saves - Vishnu invests.
%%
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
%%
Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
%%
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
%%
Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
%%
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
%%
Invest in physics - own a piece of Dirac!
%%
We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
%%
Kiss me twice.  I'm schizophrenic.
%%
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!
%%
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
%%
Walt Disney is in suspended animation.
%%
An elephant is a mouse built to Mil-spec.
%%
Somebody's terminal is dropping bits. I found a pile of them over in the corner.
%%
Burroughs programmers have to pay a Poll tax.
%%
If it works, Don't fix it.
%%
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
%%
An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
%%
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane.
%%
It's better to copulate than never!
%%
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
%%
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent - it says so right here on the label.
%%
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.
%%
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
%%
Clones are people two.
%%
Microwaves frizz your heir.
%%
Laetrile is the pits.
%%
Neil Armstrong tripped.
%%
God did not create the world in seven days.- He partied for six and then pulled an all-nighter.
%%
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
%%
To make tax forms true they should read "Income Owed Us" and Incommode You".
%%
Whatever you say about pornography, sex is here to stray.
%%
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
%%
Heard on Noahs' ark:  Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
%%
We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.
%%
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic?  It's quite uncanny.
%%
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy!
%%
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
%%
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
%%
Polymer physicists are into chains.
%%
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
%%
On all lasergrams:  Don't forget the Zap code.
%%
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
%%
Take an astronaut to launch.
%%
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
%%
Confucious say too damn much!
%%
Reality does not exist - yet.
%%
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
%%
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
%%
Never leave anything to chance; make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
%%
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
%%
Small programs are for small minds.
%%
All programmers want arrays!
%%
I BM.  You BM.  We all BM for IBM!
%%
Satyrs have more faun.
%%
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
%%
Lawyers do it in their briefs.
%%
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
%%
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
%%
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
%%
Fauns are never Satyr-sfied!
%%
Astronauts get missile-toe.
%%
If your feet smell and your nose runs - you're built upside down.
%%
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
%%
Sorry - the Cookie Monster got here first.
%%
Help! I'm being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!
%%
Raise ducks for quack profit.
%%
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
%%
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
%%
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
%%
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
%%
To iterate is human;  to recurse, divine.
%%
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
%%
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs.
%%
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal, if you are all thumbs.
%%
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
%%
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
%%
The concept seems to be clear by now.  It has been defined several times by
example of what it is not.
%%
APL is a write only language: You can write programs in it; but try and read them!
%%
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
%%
If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
%%
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
%%
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
%%
He who puts his nose to the grindstone is a bloody fool.
%%
Practiss makes perfict.
%%
The devil finds work for idle glands.
%%
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
%%
Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
%%
He who trains his tongue to quote the learned sages will be known, far and wide, as a smart-ass.

%%
And He Said:
It was sold to you "as is," and that means we can do nothing with it.
%%
And He Said:
Our generous cash refund policy does not apply to that item.
%%
The steady state of disks is full.
                --Ken Thompson
%%
The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed.  Our
authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as
the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as
the light of seven days."  Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much
radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much
as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all.  The light we
receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the
Sun, so we can ignore that ... The radiation falling on Heaven will
heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to
the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much
heat as the Earth by radiation.  Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for
radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the
earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C).  The exact temperature of Hell
cannot be computed ... [However] Revelations 21:8 says "But the
fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which
burneth with fire and brimstone."  A lake of molten brimstone means
that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C.  We
have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
                -- From "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972
%%
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offence.
                -- E. W. Dijkstra
%%
The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
%%
The world is coming to an end.  Please log off.
%%
        THE WOMBAT

The wombat lives across the seas,
Among the far Antipodes.
He may exist on nuts and berries,
Or then again, on missionaries;
His distant habitat precludes
Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
But I would not engage the wombat
In any form of mortal combat.
%%
There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
%%
There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
        But she started absorbin'
        A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.
%%
There were in this country two very large monopolies.  The larger of
the two had the following record: the Vietnam War, Watergate, double-
digit inflation, fuel and energy shortages, bankrupt airlines, and the
8-cent postcard.  The second was responsible for such things as the
transistor, the solar cell, lasers, synthetic crystals, high fidelity
stereo recording, sound motion pictures, radio astronomy, negative
feedback, magnetic tape, magnetic "bubbles", electronic switching
systems, microwave radio and TV relay systems, information theory, the
first electrical digital computer, and the first communications
satellite.  Guess which one got to tell the other how to run the
telephone business?
%%
There's no future in time travel
%%
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
%%
This fortune intentionally not included.
%%
        ... This striving for excellence extends into people's
personal lives as well.  When '80s people buy something, they buy the
best one, as determined by (1) price and (2) lack of availability.
Eighties people buy imported dental floss.  They buy gourmet baking
soda.  If an '80s couple goes to a restaurant where they have made a
reservation three weeks in advance, and they are informed that their
table is available, they stalk out immediately, because they know it is
not an excellent restaurant.  If it were, it would have an enormous
crowd of excellence-oriented people like themselves waiting, their
beepers going off like crickets in the night.  An excellent restaurant
wouldn't have a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of
Liza Minnelli.
                -- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
%%
This fortune has been deleted.
%%
This fortune has been removed.
%%
This fortune no longer exists.
%%
Unfair animal names:

-- tsetse fly                   -- bullhead
-- booby                        -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker                    -- Clarence
                -- Gary Larson
%%
        "Verily and forsooth," replied Goodgulf darkly.  "In the past
year strange and fearful wonders I have seen.  Fields sown with barley
reap crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their
artichoke hearts.  There has been a hot day in December and a blue
moon.  Calendars are made with a month of Sundays and a blue-ribbon
Holstein bore alive two insurance salesmen.  The earth splits and the
entrails of a goat were found tied in square knots.  The face of the
sun blackens and the skies have rained down soggy potato chips."

        "But what do all these things mean?" gasped Frito.

        "Beats me," said Goodgulf with a shrug, "but I thought it made
good copy."
                -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
%%
WARNING:
        Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your
        mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of
        hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of
        your favourite war.
%%
What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?
                -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
%%
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is
not far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.  The best thing about space
travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
                -- Robert Heinlein
%%
It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to
students that have had prior exposure to BASIC: as potential
programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of
regeneration.
                -- Dijkstra
%%
"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
%%
Spinach, carrot, and a melon - a meal fit for a nurse!
%%
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%%
Mr. Spock wears vulcanized rubbers.
%%
Scotty:         Captain, we din' can reference it!
Kirk:   Analysis, Mr. Spock?
Spock:  Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table.
Kirk:   Then it's of external origin?
Spock:  Affirmative.
Kirk:   Mr. Sulu, go to pass two.
Sulu:   Aye aye, sir, going to pass two.
%%
Drink it down Spock, it's the "human" thing to do.
%%
The President publicly apologized today to all those offended by his
brother's remark, "There's more Arabs in this country than there is
Jews!".  Those offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers.
                -- Baltimore, Channel 11 News, on Jimmy Carter
%%
"Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack."
%%
This is obviously one aspect of a big picture..  what looks like a
carefully worked blueprint for invasion of the planet..  Anyone who keeps
his bloody eyes open doesn't need a Harley St psychiatrist to tell him that
destructive elements enter into so-called normal sex relations:  the desire
to dominate, to kill, to take over and eat the partner..  these impulses
are normally held in check by counter impulses..  what the virus puts out of
action is the regulatory centres in the nervous system..

        William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
There are imposters, `shake men', who haunt atomic installations and
victimize atomic scientists in much the same way as spurious police
officers extort money from sexual deviants in public lavatories -- In one
case a well-organized shake mob, purportoring to represent the nova police,
confiscated cyclotrons and other atomic equipment which they subsequently
sold on the Uranian black market to support their heavy metal habits --

        William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
From symbiosis to parasitism is a short step.  The word is now a virus.
The flu virus may once have been a healthy lung cell.  It is now a
parasitic organism that invades and damages the lungs.  The word may once
have been a healthy neural cell.  It is now a parasitic organism that
invades and damages the central nervous system.

        William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
Modern man has lost the option of silence.  Try to achieve even ten seconds
of inner silence.  You will encounter a resisting organism that _forces you
to talk_. That organism is the word.

        William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
 In the beginning I was made. I didn't ask to me made. No one consulted
me or considered my feelings in this matter. But if it brought some
passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their
way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.
- Marvin the Paranoid Android
%%
 Lack of skill dictates economy of style. - Joey  Ramone
%%
 Life is wasted on the living - Zaphod Beeblebrox IV
%%
 Youth is wasted on the young - George Bernard Shaw
%%
 There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy - Swift
%%
 It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it
frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
 Things are always at their best in the beginning. -Pascal
%%
 That is the key to history. Terrific energy is expended--civilizations
are built up --excellent institutions devised; but each time something
goes wrong. Some fatal flaw always brings the selfish and cruel people
to the top, and then it all slides back into misery and ruin. In fact,
the machine conks. It seems to start up all right and runs a few
yards, and then it breaks down. - C. S. Lewis
%%
 None love the bearer of bad news. -Sophocles
%%
 How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time.
  -Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
 What we do not understand we do not possess - Goethe
%%
 All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially
attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers.
Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those
who habitually focus on the end goal. Perhaps it is merely that
computers are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always
optimists. But however the selection process works, the result is
indisputable: "This time it will surely run," or "I just found the
last bug." -Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
 The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program
 documentation. -Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
 How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to
 change the bulb and another to reflect on how much more gratifying it
 was than a man.
%%
 How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one,
 but it takes a really long time and the light bulb has to want to
 change.
%%
 How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One
 to change the bulb and three to share the experience.
%%
 How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a
 hardware problem.
%%
 Thoreau's Law: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious
 intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
%%
   Vique's Law: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
 "Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again." - Marvin
 The Paranoid Android
%%
 How many hardware guys does it take to change a light bulb? "Well the
 diagnostics say it's fine buddy, so it's a software problem."
%%
 "Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you
 free with my breakfast cereal." -Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hitchhiker's
 Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
  How many QA engineers does it take to screw in a light-bulb? 3: 1 to
  screw it in and 2 to say "I told you so" when it doesn't work.
%%
 How many NASA managers does it take to screw in a light-bulb? "That's a
 known problem... don't worry about it."
%%
 How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One to hold
 the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured power
 tools.
%%
 How many Bavarian Illuminati does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
 Three: one to screw it in, and one to confuse the issue.
%%
 How long does it take a DEC field service engineer to change a
 light-bulb? It depends on how many bad ones he brought with him.
%%
 How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb ?
 Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to determine what to do
 with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
%%
 How many Zen Buddhist does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to
 change it and one not to change it.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: Pity the poor egg, it only gets laid once.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: What's good for Ugoose is good for Uganda.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: We have them just where they want us - J. T. Kirk
%%
 T-Shirt saying: Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean
 they're not out to get you.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it
 for a couple of hours.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself
 at the ground and miss.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: We should forgive our enemies, but only after
 they've been taken out and shot.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for
 hours.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: The future isn't what it used to be.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: The difference between meat and fish is that if
 you beat your fish it dies.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: It's better to have a gun and not need it than to need
 a gun and not have it.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of
 yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger
 giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: The number of people watching you is directly
 proportional to the stupidity of your action.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: Drink wet cement: Get Stoned.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: Kite fliers keep it up longer.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: Join the Army: travel to exotic distant lands; meet
 exciting, unusual people and kill them.
%%
 T-Shirt saying: I don't have a drinking problem; I drink, I get drunk,
 I fall down, No problem!
%%
 MURPHY'S LAWS
 -------------
 If anything can go wrong, it will.
%%
        CLIENT/SERVER IS LIKE TEENAGE SEX

� It's on everyone's mind all the time.
� Everyone is talking about it all the time.
� Everyone thinks everyone is doing it.
� Almost no one is really doing it.
� The few who are doing it are (a) doing it poorly,
  (b) sure it will be better next time, (c) not
  practising it safely.
� Everyone is bragging about their successes all
  the time, although very few have actually had
  any successes.
%%
 MURPHY'S LAWS
 -------------
 If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one
 that will cause the most damage will be the first one to go wrong.
%%
 MURPHY'S LAWS
 -------------
 If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
%%
 MURPHY'S LAWS
 -------------
 If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which
 something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way,
 unprepared for, will promptly develop.
%%
 MURPHY'S LAWS
 -------------
 Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
%%
 MURPHY'S LAWS
 -------------
 If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
 overlooked something.
%%
 MURPHY'S LAWS
 -------------
 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
%%
 MURPHY'S LAWS
 -------------
 Mother nature is a bitch.
%%
   O'Toole's commentary on Murphy's Laws - Murphy was an optimist.
%%
   GINSBERG'S THEOREMS
   -------------------
   1. You can't win.

   2. You can't break even.

   3. You can't even quit the game.
%%
   Forsyth's second corollary to Murphy's laws - Just when you see the
   light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in.
%%
   WEILER'S LAW
   ------------
   Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
%%
 THE LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
 --------------------------------
 Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
%%
 THE LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
 --------------------------------
 Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
%%
 THE LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
 --------------------------------
 If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
%%
 THE LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
 --------------------------------
 If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
%%
 THE LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
 --------------------------------
 Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
%%
 THE LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
 --------------------------------
 The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of
 its output.
%%
 THE LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
 --------------------------------
 Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
 programmer who must maintain it.
%%
 PIERCE'S LAW
 ------------
 In any computer system, the machine will always misinterpret,
 misconstrue, misprint, or not evaluate any math or subroutines or fail
 to print any output on at least the first run through.

 Corollary to Pierce's Law - When a compiler accepts a program without
 error on the first run, the program will not yield the desired output.
%%
   Addition to Murphy's Laws - In nature, nothing is ever right.
   Therefore, if everything is going right... something is wrong.
%%
 BROOK'S LAW
 -----------
 If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set!
%%
 GROSCH'S LAW
 ------------
 Computing power increases as the square of the cost.
%%
 GOLUB'S LAW OF COMPUTERDOM
 --------------------------
   1. Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid embarrassment of
      estimating the corresponding costs.

   2. A carelessly planned project takes three longer to complete than
      expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.

   3. The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with
      time.

   4. Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so
      vividly manifests their lack of progress.
%%
 OSBORN'S LAW
 ------------
 Variables won't; constants aren't.
%%
 GILB'S LAWS OF UNRELIABILITY
 ----------------------------
 1. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.

 2. Any system that depends upon human reliability is unreliable.

 3. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to
    detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

 4. Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
    probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some
    useful work done.
%%
 LUBARSKY'S LAW OF CYBERNETIC ENTOMOLOGY
 ---------------------------------------
 There's always one more bug.
%%
 TROUTMAN'S POSTULATES
 ---------------------
 1. Profanity is the one language understood by all programmers.

 2. Not until a program has been in production for six months will the
    most harmful error be discovered.

 3. Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper
    order will be.

 4. Interchangeable tapes won't.

 5. If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an
    ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.

 6. If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems
    will malfunction.
%%
 WEINBERG'S SECOND LAW
 ---------------------
 If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then
 the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
%%
 GUMPERSON'S LAW
 ---------------
 The probability of anything happening is in inverse
 ratio to its desirability.
%%
 GUMMIDGE'S LAW
 --------------
 The amount of expertise varies in inverse ratio to the number of
 statements understood by the general public.
%%
 ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEM DYNAMICS
 -----------------------------------------------
 Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a
 larger can (old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger
 cans).
%%
 HARVARD'S LAW, AS APPLIED TO COMPUTERS
 --------------------------------------
 Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
 temperature, volume, humidity and other variables, the computer will
 do as it damn well pleases.
%%
 SATTINGER'S LAW
 ---------------
 It works better if you plug it in.
%%
 JENKINSON'S LAW
 ---------------
 It won't work.
%%
  HORNER'S FIVE THUMB POSTULATE
  -----------------------------
  Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
%%
 CHEOP'S LAW
 -----------
 Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
%%
   Rule of accuracy - When working toward the solution of a problem, it
   always helps if you know the answer.
%%
   Zymurg's seventh exception to Murphy's Law - When it rains, it pours!
%%
 PUDDER'S LAWS
 -------------
 1. Anything that begins well ends badly

 2. Anything that begins badly ends worse.
%%
 WESTHEIMER'S RULE
 -----------------
 To estimate the time it takes to do a task; estimate the time you
 think it should take, multiply by two and change the unit of measure
 to the next highest unit. Thus, we allocate two days for a one hour
 task.
%%
 STOCKMAYER'S THEOREM
 --------------------
 If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near
 impossible.
%%
 ATWOODS COROLLARY
 -----------------
 No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to
 keep.
%%
 JOHHNSON'S THIRD LAW
 --------------------
 If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that
 contains the article, story or installment you were most anxious to
 read.
%%
 Corollary to Johnson's Third Law - All of your friends either missed
 it, lost it or threw it out.
%%
 HARPER'S MAGAZINE LAW
 ---------------------
 You never find the article until you replace it.
%%
 BROOKE'S LAW
 ------------
 Adding manpower to a late software makes it later.
%%
 FINAGLE'S FOURTH LAW
 --------------------
 Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it will only make
 it worse.
%%
 FEATHERKILE'S RULE
 ------------------
 Whatever you did, that's what you planned.
%%
 FLAP'S LAW
 ----------
 Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration of
 purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally
 unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or
 else completely mysterious.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases
 as the deadline approaches.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 It's morally wrong to allow naive end users to keep their money.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 When all else fails, read the instructions.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
 magic.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your
 demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Every task takes twice as long as you think it will take. If you
 double the time you think it will take, it will actually take four
 times as long.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabelled and
 should read "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE".
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several
 hours of work without performing a backup.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can
 redefine it.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you
 start.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Program results should always be reproducible. They should all
 fail in the same way.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not
 be disappointed.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you
 will find at least two human errors, including the error of
 blaming it on the computer.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to
 detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
 probable cost of errors or until someone insists on getting some
 useful work done.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number
 of statements understood by the general public.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with
 every passing moment.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 The first myth of management is that it exists.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
%%
Q:  Whaddaya get when you cross Lee Iacocca and Dracula???
A:  An Auto-exec bat!
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
%%
"What if there were no hypothetical situations?"
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its
 output.
%%
Oliver North, in a speech September 22, 1993, said:

"The average term length of a member of congress is approaching 15 years,
and the average term length of a convicted criminal is less than three.
We've got that backward."
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability
 of the programmer who must maintain it.
%%
                          Anonymous E-Mail Notice

"I have SOLID information that Windows NT will be distributed in chain
letter form.  Within 60 days you will receive a letter containing a list
of names and addresses, along with instructions to write 10 lines of C
code and send them to the address at the top of the list, before you add
your name at the bottom and mail copies to 84 of your friends.  Having
done that, you will simply sit back and wait a few weeks to receive
12.5 million lines of NT source code, which you will then compile and
link to form your NT system."

 - From PC Magazine, September 28, 1993 issue.  Reprinted under the
   reasonable use interpretation of the 1976 copyright act.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and
 you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get
 out.
%%
"Beware the man who sells remanufactured antiques."
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 A program generator creates programs that are more buggy
 than the program generator.
%%
Q: What's the difference between Microsoft and Jurassic Park?
A: One is a high-tech theme park filled with vicious, predatory
   monsters who'll eat anything they come across, and the other is
   a movie.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 There's never time to do it right, but always
 time to do it over again.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one
 that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Things get worse under pressure.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the
 time, and the last ten percent take the other ninety percent.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone
 he can blame it on.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Variables won't, constants aren't.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Murphy was an optimist.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 The solution to a problem changes the problem.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine
 struggling to be free.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Judgement comes from experience; experience comes from poor
 judgement.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 It works better if you plug it in.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want
 to use it.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Give any problem containing N equations, there will N+1 unknowns.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 An object or bit of information most needed will be least
 available.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Any device requiring service or adjustment will be
 least accessible.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Interchangeable devices won't.
%%
The hillbilly wedding ceremony had just concluded. The groom thrust his hand
into the pocket of his tattered overalls and asked the preacher what he owed
him. "In these here parts, we don't charge for no hitchin', but you kin pay
accordin' to your bride's beauty," the preacher beamed. So, the groom handed
the preacher a dollar bill. Whereupon, the preacher raised the bride's veil,
took a look and dug into his own pocket. "Here's fifty cents change."
%%
John and Mike entered the Boston Marathon. After they'd been running for
awhile, they were passed by another runner. "I know that guy," John said,
"That's Bill Rodgers - he won the race a couple of years ago." A few minutes
later, another racer passed them with long, loping strides. "And that was
Grete Waitz!" John exclaimed. Just then, ambulance sirens began to wail in
the distance, and a runner sprinted by so quickly that he was just a blur.
"Who was THAT?" Mike asked. "Him?" John answered. "He's some lawyer ..."
%%
When a man was reading the newspaper, his wife asked, "Will you still love
me when I'm old and gray?" "Sure I do," he mumbled.
%%
A woman walked into a savings & loan and said to the loan officer, "I'd like
to talk to you about a loan." "Great!" the ecstatic loan officer replied,
"How much can you give us?"
%%
My ex-wife was so ugly that after we got divorced, she got a job in prison
curing sex offenders.
%%
Q: What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite baseball team?
A: The Montreal Expos.
%%
Q: What do passionate women put behind thier ears to attract men?
A: Their ankles.
%%
A man visited his doctor and complained of feeling bad. Because there were
no apparent medical problems, the doctor gave the patient a thorough exam;
he found nothing wrong. After thinking on the situation for a few minutes,
the doctor asked the patient about his diet. "Tell me what you typically
eat for breakfast," the doctor said. "Oh, a pound of bacon, a dozen eggs,
a loaf of toasted bread, two or three pots of coffee. And maybe six or
seven dounuts if I'm really hungry." "That's a pretty big breakfast," the
doctor said. "What do you eat for lunch?" "Nine or ten hamburgers, four or
five milkshakes, and a pie or two." The doctor was amazed. "And what do
you have for dinner?" "That's my big meal," said the patient. "I usually
have three or four helpings of salad, four or five steaks, five or six
baked potatoes, eight or nine dinner rolls and five or six pots of coffee."
The doctor shook his head and said, "Drop your pants again; then turn
around and bend over." The man did so and after the doctor looked closely
he told the guy, "There's your problem! You have only one asshole ..."
%%
The best investment of the savings and loan industry was in the U.S. Congress.
%%
Q: What do Hiroshima, Nagasaki and Baghdad have in common?
A: Nothing - yet ...
%%
Three men - Myron the lawyer, Vinnie the teamster, and J.D. the aggie -
proposed marriage to an eligible young lady. Mary couldn't decide which
proposal to accept (Myron had a prestigious job, Vinnie was a manly man,
and J.D. the aggie was filthy rich), so she told them, "We'll have a con-
test. I'll marry whoever brings me the most ping-pong balls." A couple of
days later, Myron the lawyer came back with an attache case full of ping-
pong balls. "Would you please marry me, please?" Myron begged. Mary was
about to accede to Myron when they heard a rumble outside. Vinnie the
teamster huffed into Mary's apartment and threw open the curtain. There,
on the lawn, were his buddies unloading crate after crate of ping-pong
balls from a huge semi. "Yo," growled Vinnie, "Why don't youse marry me?"
Totally surprised, Mary told Vinnie the teamster, "Well it looks like it's
going to be you and me, but I want to be fair; we have to wait for J.D." It
was a long wait. Several months later, J.D. the aggie showed up. His clothes
were in rags, his body a mass of cuts and bruises, but J.D. was carrying two
HUGE round objects on his shoulders. "What happened to you?" Mary asked J.D.
"I waited all this time," she cried, "and you didn't even bring me any ping-
pong balls!" "Ping-pong balls?" said J.D. the aggie, "I thought you said
King Kong's balls ..."
%%
Three recently deceased college graduates, one from Harvard, one from Baylor
and the last from Texas A&M, showed up at the Pearly Gates. The Gates were
in desperate need of repair, so St. Peter asked the three potential angels
to make a bid on the repair project. Since they all agreed, St. Peter gave
each of them a copy of the specs and said, "Study them overnight and have
your bids ready in the morning." The next morning, St. Peter asked the
three, "What are your bids?" The aggie bid $3,000. "What's the breakdown?"
St. Peter asked. "A thousand for labor, a thousand for materials, and a
thousand for overhead and profit," replied the aggie. St. Peter jotted down
the figures and asked the Harvard man, "What's your bid?" After the Harvard
man replied "Six thousand" St. Peter asked him for the breakdown. "Two for
labor, two for material and two for overhead and profit." St. Peter, frown-
ing at the second bid, turned to the Baylor grad and asked, "Can you do any
better?" "Nine thousand," said the Baylor grad. "NINE thousand?!" thundered
St. Peter, "What is YOUR breakdown?" The Baylor grad confidently replied,
"Three for you, three for me and three to get the aggie to do it."
%%
Did you hear about the yupper that thought intercourse was a state highway?
%%
Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food? He ordered a pizza with everybody on it ...
%%
A pilot and a blind guy went up in an airplane. Unfortunately, the pilot
had a heart attack and died. The blind guy radioed, "Mayday, Mayday!" to
the tower. "We have a dead pilot, I'm blind, and we're flying upside down!"
"How do you know you're upside down if you're blind?" the tower asked.
"Because the shit's running down my collar!"
%%
Life is like a shit sandwich:

The more bread you have,
The less shit you have to eat.
%%
Q: How can you tell if a pig is drunk?
A: She starts buying the drinks ...
%%
(Bumper Sticker)

Divorce is the screwing you get for the screwing you got!
%%
Early one spring, a saleswoman's car broke down in the middle of Northern
Michigan. After miles of walking, she found a farmhouse with two men sitting
on the front porch. "My car broke down; can I stay here tonight?" the sales-
woman asked the yuppers. "No problem," said Sven. "But you have to do a
favor for us, eh?" said Ole. The saleswoman agreed, adding "But you have
to wear these rubbers to keep me from getting pregnant." So the night
passed, and all concerned had a great amount of fun. The next day the sales-
woman got her car fixed and continued on her way. That fall, while they were
cutting wood, Sven turned to Ole and asked, "You know, what do we care if
that lady gets pregnant, eh?" "You know Sven," replied Ole, "I think you're
right. Why don't we take the rubbers off?"
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 In any human endeavour, once you have exhausted all possibilities
 and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly
 visible to everyone else.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Badness comes in waves.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 After months of training and you finally understand all of a
 program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with
 an all-new command structure.
%%
The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank -
the really big chunks always rise to the top.
%%
The other queue always moves faster.
%%
The price of justice is eternal publicity.
%%
The problem with government is it scratches where there ain't no itch.
%%
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
%%
The right to be left alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.
%%
The rising tide lifts all the boats.
%%
The secret of being a bore is to tell everybody.
%%
The shortest distance between two points depends on who is giving the directions.
%%
The shortest distance between two points is under repair.
%%
The shortest perceivable length of time is the period between the light
turning green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.
%%
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
%%
The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the oil. Sometimes it gets replaced.
%%
The statesman shears the sheep, the politician skins them.
%%
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
%%
The trouble with learning from experience is that the test comes first and
the lesson afterwards.
%%
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
%%
The trouble with political jokes is they get elected.
%%
The upper crust are just a bunch of crumbs sticking together.
%%
The urgent always crowds out the important.
%%
THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH
    - if you have already settled this account, please disregard this notice.
%%
The welfare of the people is the ultimate law.
%%
The writing on the wall usually means there's at least one small child in the family.
%%
They can conquer who believe they can.
%%
They think I'm paranoid. They all talk about it behind my back.
%%
There are more horses' arses in this world than there are horses.
%%
There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.
%%
There are three sides to every argument:
your side, my side and the right side.
%%
There are three sorts of people:
those who make things happen,
those who watch things happen,
and those who never knew what hit them.
%%
There are two classes of people:
those who divide people into two classes,
and those who don't.
%%
There is a theory which states that if anyone ever gets to understand the
universe and how it works it will immediately be replaced by something
even more bizarre and mysterious.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
%%
There is always one more bug.
%%
There is just one thing I can promise you about the space program;
your taxes will go further.
                        - Werner von Braun
%%
There's one thing about baldness: it's neat.
%%
These pills can't be habit-forming; I've been taking them for years.
%%
They say garbage can be made into fuel.
Why not? It's already being made into movies, books and TV shows.
%%
Those who aspire to a place in the sun must expect blisters.
%%
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, teach.
%%
Those who think money will do everything may well be suspected of doing
everything for money.
%%
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
%%
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
%%
To be rich is not the end, but only a change of worries.
%%
To be wise and love
Exceeds Man's might
                        Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida
%%
To do anything worthwhile you have to push limits.
%%
To do nothing is the way to be nothing.
%%
To err is human.  To forgive is not library policy.
%%
To err is human.  To really foul things up requires a computer.
%%
To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
%%
To get a loan from a bank you have to first prove that you don't need one.
%%
To know where you can find a thing is the chief part of learning.
%%
Tolkien is Hobbit-forming.
%%
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving
taxi cabs and cutting hair.
%%
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
%%
Town planners do it with their eyes shut.
%%
Two people in every one who works for the ABC is schizophrenic.
%%
Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.
%%
Utopia: 1987 wages, 1932 prices, 1910 taxes.
%%
Vampires are a pain in the neck.
%%
VD is nothing to clap about.
%%
Waterbeds are cuuting down the incidence of adultery -
ever tried to crawl under one?
%%
WATERSHIP DOWN - You've read the book, you've seen the film;
Now, eat the pie!
%%
What after all is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.
%%
We all are born mad.  Some remain so.....
%%
We are cold to others only when we are dull in ourselves.
%%
We can't do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
%%
We live behind our faces, while they front for us.
%%
We must believe in luck, for how else can we explain the success of those
we don't like?
%%
We should take sex off the TV and movie screens and put it back in the back
seats of cars where it belongs.
%%
We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow;
Our wiser sons, no doubt, will think us so.
          Pope
%%
Wear the old coat and buy the new book.
%%
What did the Irishman call his pet zebra?
Spot.
%%
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a chicken?
I don't know, but you have to saw the eggs open.
%%
What is a weed?  A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.
%%
What is moral is what you feel good after.
%%
What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?.
%%
What some people need is a kick in their can't.
%%
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility -
there are so few of us left.
%%
What this country needs is someone who knows what this country needs.
%%
What's apathy?  I don't know, and I don't care.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ---------------------
 After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar bug
 in the system, the system is revised, the bug is taken away, and
 you're left with a useless routine.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Efforts in improving a program's "user friendliness" invariably
 lead to work in improving user's "computer literacy".
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 That's not a bug, that's a feature!
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping
 on to the grand fallacy.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs,
 then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy
 civilization.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use
 a larger can.
%%
 MURPHY'S COMPUTER LAWS
 ----------------------
 As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a
 life-or-death situation, the power fails.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to
  leave her with no hard feelings.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Nothing improves with age.
%%
 The "Official" Smiley Guide, part 1.

 :-o    Wow!                       :-c     Real unhappy
 :-|    Grim                       :-C     Just totally unbelieving
 := |   Baboon                     :-B     Drooling
 :-v    Speaking                   :-,     Smirk
 :-V    Shout                      :-||    Anger
 :-w    Speak with forked tongue   :-)     Smiling
 :-r    Sticking tongue out        :-(     Frowning
 :-*    Oops!                      '-)     Wink
 :-T    Keeping a straight face    ;-)     Sardonic Incredulity
 :-D    Said with a smile
 :-x    Kiss kiss                  :-"     Pursing lips
 :-[    Pouting                    :-#     My lips are sealed
 :-X    A big wet kiss!            :-P     Tongue hanging out in anticipation
 :-Y    A quiet aside              8-|     Eyes wide with surprise
 >-<    Absolutely livid!!         &-|     Tearful
%%
 The "Official" Smiley Guide, part 2

 |-{    "Good Grief!"  (Charlie Brown?)
 :-}    "Thish wine tashted pretty good"
 8-]    "wow, maaan"
 8-O    "Omigod!!" (done after "rm -rf *" ?)
 :-,    "Hmmmm."
 |~(    "Someone just busted my nose".
 :^D    "Great! I like it!"
 B-D    "Serves you right, dummy!!"
%%
:-)   Your basic smiley. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or
      joking statement since we can't hear voice inflection over Unix.
%%
;-)   Winky smiley. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark.
      More of a "don't hit me for what I just said" smiley.
%%
:-(   Frowning smiley. User did not like that last statement or is upset
      or depressed about something.
%%
:-I   Indifferent smiley. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite as
      good as a happy smiley
%%
:->   User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-).
%%
>:->  User just made a really devilish remark.
%%
>;->  Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.
%%
(-:   User is left handed
%%
:*)   User is drunk
%%
[:]   User is a robot
%%
8-)   User is wearing sunglasses
%%
B:-)  Sunglasses on head
%%
::-)  User wears normal glasses
%%
B-)   User wears horn-rimmed glasses
%%
8:-)  User is a little girl
%%
:-)-8 User is a Big girl
%%
:-{)  User has a mustache
%%
:-{}  User wears lipstick
%%
{:-)  User wears a toupee
%%
}:-(  Toupee in an updraft
%%
:-[   User is a Vampire
%%
:-E   Bucktoothed vampire
%%
:-F   Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing
%%
:-7   User just made a wry statement
%%
:-*   User just ate something sour
%%
;-(   User is crying
%%
;-)   User is so happy, s/he is crying
%%
:-@   User is screaming
%%
:-#   User wears braces
%%
:^)   User has a broken nose
%%
:<)   User is from an Ivy League School
%%
:-&   User is tongue tied.
%%
+-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office
%%
`:-)  User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning
,:-)  Same thing...other side
%%
|-I   User is asleep
%%
|-O   User is yawning/snoring
%%
:-Q   User is a smoker
%%
:-?   User smokes a pipe
%%
O-)   Megaton Man On Patrol!  (or else, user is a scuba diver)
%%
O :-) User is an angel (at heart, at least)
%%
:-P   Nyahhhh!
%%
:-S   User just made an incoherent statement
%%
:-D   User is laughing (at you!)
%%
:-X   User's lips are sealed
%%
:-C   User is really bummed
%%
<|-)  User is Chinese
<|-(  User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes
%%
:-/   User is skeptical
%%
C=:-) User is a chef
%%
@=    User is pro-nuclear war
%%
*<:-) User is wearing a Santa Claus Hat
%%
:-o   Uh oh!
%%
(8-o  It's Mr. Bill!
%%
*:o)  And Bozo the Clown!
%%
3:]   Pet smiley
%%
3:[   Mean Pet smiley
%%
d8=   Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat.
%%
E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator
%%
:-9   User is licking his/her lips
%%
[:-)  User is wearing a walkman
%%
(:I   User is an egghead
%%
<:-I  User is a dunce
%%
K:P   User is a little kid with a propeller beenie
%%
@:-)  User is wearing a turban
%%
:-0   No Yelling!  (Quiet Lab)
%%
:-:   Mutant Smiley
%%
      The invisible smiley
%%
.-)   User only has one eye
,-)   Ditto...but he's winking
%%
X-(   User just died
%%
C=}>;*{O)  Mega-Smiley... A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft,
                          a moustache, and a double chin
%%
:] - Gleep...a friendly midget smiley who will gladly be your friend
%%
:) - Happy
%%
:> - hmm, let me think...
%%
:D - Laughter
%%
:I - Hmmm, not funny!
%%
:( - Sad
%%
:[ - Real Downer
%%
:< - what pretences!
%%
:{ - oh boy, the headmaster!...
%%
:O - Yelling
%%
;( - Crying
%%
[] - Hugs and
:* - Kisses
%%
:-`   smiley spitting out its chewing tobacco
%%
:-1   smiley bland face
:-!           "
%%
:-$   smiley face with it's mouth wired shut
%%
:-6   smiley after eating something sour
%%
8-)   smiley swimmer
%%
:-*   smiley after eating something bitter
%%
:-&   smiley which is tongue-tied
%%
:-0   smiley orator
%%
(:-(  unsmiley frowning
%%
=:-)  smiley punk-rocker
%%
This guy goes skydiving for the first time.  After he jumps out of the plane,
he counts to ten, pulls the ripcoard, and nothing happens.  Only a little
worried, he pulls the cord for the auxilliary parachute, but unfortunately, the
chute still does not appear.  As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a
woman coming up the other way.  He shouts to her "Do you know anything about
parachutes?"  "No", she says, "do you know anything about gas stoves?"
%%
"You should be ashamed," the father told his son, "When Abraham Lincoln was
your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school." "Really?" the
kid said.  "Well when he was your age, he was president."
%%
A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the
wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of 3 possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she
goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a
somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the 3rd
alternative. But there's still no result, and another month later she's back in
the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered
in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they
actually succeed in conceiving a baby. Filled with joy, the young wife now
see's the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy: "We're so happy
doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this 3rd operation actually
all about? the first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have
been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after?" "Well" the doctor replies,
"Since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your
methods, rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to
your uterus!"
%%
    A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of people one
night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud- speaker
system. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the sound of
my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Pretty soon,
he had every single person in the audience completely mesmerized, each one
hanging on his every word. Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I
will have to leave the stage for a moment, but you will all remain in a trance
while I am gone"  And then he repeated the words "the sound of my voice...
every word is a command." As he turned to go, he tripped over the microphone
cord, landed on his ass, and yelled "SHIT!".
%%
 A little withered old man walks into a timber company office, and applies
for a job as a lumberjack. The foreman politely tries to talk him out of the
idea. After all, he is old, small, and apparently much too weak to fell trees.
 The old man picks up an axe and walks over to a huge redwood. As he goes to
work, a high-pitched whine comes from the axe, chips of wood fly everwhere, and
the odor of burning wood fills the air. In record time, the old man is
finished chopping down the tree.
"That's just astounding,"the forman says, "wherever did you learn to chop down
trees like that?"
"Well now,"the old man smiles, "have you ever heard of the Sahara Forest?"
"You mean the Sahara Desert."
"Sure, that's what it's called NOW..."
%%
This guy buys a parrot.  Every morning he stands in front of the cage and asks
in a pleasant voice "Can you talk?"  This goes on for weeks with absolutely no
response from the bird. Finally one morning, totally fed up, he shouts "CAN YOU
TALK, YOU STUPID CREATURE?  CAN YOU TALK?" The bird looks him in the eye and
says "I can talk, all right.  Can you fly?"
%%
    Young Charlie is having trouble with his first grade addition homework, so
his father decides to help.  He teaches the Charlie how to add small numbers by
counting on his fingers.  Eventually, the little boy becomes quite good.  "But
remember," the father says, "you can't use your fingers in school -- you'll
have to do it in your head."     The next day at school, the teacher calls on
Charlie and asks him "what is five plus five?"  Charlie starts to raise his
hands, but remembering what his father said, hides them in his pockets.  After
a few seconds of counting, Charlie announces "Eleven!"
%%
They're making a new movie about Dan Quayle's military career. It's going to be
called "FULL DINNER JACKET"
%%
Did you hear about the Polock who studied five days for a urine test?
%%
Did you hear about the Polock who thought asphalt was a rectal problem?
%%
HUMAN CANNONBALL: "That does it, I quit!"
CIRCUS MANAGER: "But where will I ever find another man of your caliber?"
%%
HE:  Jeez, this coffee tastes like mud!
SHE: That's funny, it was ground this morning.
%%
HE:  What would you do if you found a million dollars?
SHE: Well, if it was a poor person who lost it, I'd return it.
%%
HE: "Have you been eating cake lately?"
SHE: "No, why?"
HE:  "It's just that you look so crummy..."
%%
HE:  "Do you like cocktails?"
SHE: "Sure, tell me some."
%%
HE:  "Would you go to bed with someone for a million dollars?"
SHE: "Well, I guess so"
HE:  "Would you go to bed with someone for two dollars?"
SHE: "What kind of a girl do you think I am?"
HE:  "We've already established that, now we're setting price."
%%
GUEST: Do lemons have wings?
HOST:  What?
GUEST: I said, do lemons have wings?
HOST:  Of course not.
GUEST: Oh my god, I think I just squeezed your canary into my drink!
%%
Q: Hear about the guy who complained to a friend that his wife had cut him
   down to twice a week.
A: The friend said, "Hell that's not so bad, I know two guys she's cut out
   entirely!"
%%
I've got a joke that'll make you laugh 'til your tits fall off! Oh... I see
you've already heard it.
%%
Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
A: Bi-lingual.

Q: What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
A: Tri-lingual.

Q: What do you call someone who speaks only one language?
A: An American.
%%
DOCTOR:  I've got some bad news and I've got some really bad news.
PATIENT: Give me the bad news first.
DOCTOR:  Well, you have about twenty-four hours to live I'm afraid.
PATIENT: That's terrible, what's the really bad news?
DOCTOR:  I've been trying to call you since yesterday...
%%
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
 --Christopher Morley (1890-1957)
%%
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
 --Paul Vallery (1871-1945)
%%
God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.
 --Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.
 --Graffito
%%
Why attack God?  He may be as miserable as we are.
 --Erik Satie (1866-1925)
%%
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
 --Lenny Bruce (1923-1966)
%%
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
 --Napoleon (1769-1821)
%%
What if there had been room at the inn?
 --Linda Festa on the origins of Christianity
%%
Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?
 --Jules Feiffer
%%
Catholicism has changed tremendously in recent years. Now when Communion
is served there is also a salad bar.
 --Bill Marr
%%
Faith is believeing what you know ain't so.
 --"A schoolboy" quoted by Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Faith is under the left nipple.
 --Martin Luther (1483-1546)
%%
Because I'm Jewish, a lot of people ask why I killed Christ.  What can I
say?  It was an accident.  It was one of those parties that got out of
hand. I killed him because he wouldn't become a doctor.
 --Lenny Bruce (1923-1966)
%%
Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree,
shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"
 --Johnny Carson
%%
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
 --Arabian proverb
%%
The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
 --Fred Allen (1894-1956)
%%
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
 --Lucille S. Harper
%%
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
 --Miss Manners (Judith Martin)
%%
A 5-year old boy and his dad are visiting the zoo, in their bi-weekly weekend
together. Standing in front of the elephant-cage, the boy asks his father:"Dad,
what is that big thing hanging down from between the elephants legs? I asked
mom the last time we were here, but she just said "Oh that thing...- well, that
is..., that is nothing". The dad says, "Son, I told you, I have spoilt that
woman..."
%%
An Australian hooker goes into a tavern, empty, except for a lone Koala bear
sitting at the bar. She walks up and asks if he would like to spend the night
with her. He agrees and they both go back to her place. On the way, she asks
if Koala bears are really as good with their tongues as rumor says. He replies
that they are indeed. They make love all night long, and in the morning, the
Koala thanks her and turns to go. "Just a minute buddy, that'll be 100 bucks."
she says. "Koalas never pay", he explains calmly. "I'm a prostitute, I make
my living this way, you owe me 100 dollars!" she says, but his reply is the
same; "Koalas never pay". Finally, in desperation, she gets a dictionary from
the shelf, looks up "prostitute", and shows him: "See? prostitute:  One who
takes payment for sexual favors." The Koala takes the book flips to the Ks:
"koala:  Australian marsupial, eats bushes and leaves"
%%
A white guy, a black guy, and a Mormon are talking one day.  The black guy says
"I've got four kids; one more, and I'll have a basketball team."  The white guy
says "I've got ten kids; one more, and I'll have a football team." The Mormon
says "I've got seventeen wives; one more, and I'll have a golf course!"
%%
School Notes:

I hate it when John stays home but the doctor insisted that he stay in the
hospital which is the reason he is not in school. He will be, when he is, and
it won't be long either.
%%
School Notes:

She has to go to the doctor to get her arches examined. We want her to stand
tall, but she slumps.  If she is just slumping to stay out of school, we will
know that too. Slumping is no excuse, but right now it is until we find out
that it isn't.
%%
School Notes:

The doctor just informed us that some parts are missing in Gaston and we are
searching for the right doctor to find them.  Maybe with your experience, you
can help us.  If so, please call.
%%
School Notes:

How can you say Tad was late when he never come at all? He did this without us.
Today he comes early to make up for it and you decide what to do with him.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
To prevent conception when having intercourse,the male wears a condominium.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put
the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only itis even deader.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with
a bull with good meat.
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual
by accident.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
For fainting:  rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

For dog bite:  put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
For drowning:  climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For head colds:  use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For snakebites:  bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

For asphyxiation:  apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
%%
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS
-----------------------------------------

When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
%%
This guy walks into a bar, carrying a crocodile and a chicken.  He sets them
down on the stool next to him, and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartender
"I'll have a Scotch and Soda."  Then the crocodile says "And I'll have a
Whiskey Sour."  The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps "That's incredible; I've
never seen a crocodile that could talk!" And the guy says "He can't; the
chicken is a ventriloquist."
%%
A blind man and his dog go into the supermarket and then the blind man takes
his dog by the collar and starts to swing him around over his head, knocking
things off the shelves. The manager comes up to the blind man and asks "excuse
me sir, can I help you?" the blind man answers "no thanks, I'm just looking
around".
%%
A forman was assigned three new workers; two big strong local men, and a little
guy from Japan.  Because of their size, the foreman gave the two locals the
digging work, and told the Japanese man "You'll be in charge of supplies."
After an hour or so, the forman came back to check on their progress only to
find the two locals sitting down doing nothing.  "What happened?  Why aren't
you at work?" The men replied that their tools were broken and that the
Japanese man in charge of supplies, had disappeared.  Worried, the foreman
ordered the two men outside the mine to help look for the little guy.  Just
when they were about to give up the search, the Japanese guy jumps up from
behind a rock and yells "Supplies!!"
%%
God and St. Peter were playing golf one day.  St. Peter teed his ball up and
hit it.  It was a real nice shot about three hundred yards down the fairway.
Then God teed his ball up.  He took a big swing and hit it.  At first it looked
like a real nice shot.  Then all of a sudden, it hooked and started for the
woods.  Just before it went into the woods, a bird flew out and grabbed the
ball and flew over the water trap and let it go.  Just before it went into the
water, a turtle surfaced.  The ball landed on it's back as he swam to the
shore.  Just as the turtle got to the shore, a squirrel ran out of the woods
and grabbed the ball.  Then the squirrel ran up on the green and dropped the
ball in the cup.  St. Peter turned to God and said, "Are we gonna play golf, or
are you gonna fuck around!!"
%%
=:-(  (real punk rockers don't smile)
%%
+-:-) smiley priest
%%
:-o   smiley singing national anthem
%%
:-p   smiley sticking its tongue out (at you!)
%%
:-[   un-smiley blockhead
%%
:-]   smiley blockhead
%%
:-{   smiley variation on a theme
:-}   ditto
%%
{:-)  smiley with its hair parted in the middle
}:-)  above in an updraft
%%
g-)   smiley with pince-nez glasses
%%
:-\   undecided smiley
%%
:-/   lefty undecided smiley
%%
:-|   "have an ordinary day" smiley
%%
;-)   winking smiley
%%
:-<   real sad smiley
%%
:-x   "my lips are sealed" smiley
%%
:-c   bummed out smiley
%%
:-v   talking head smiley
%%
:-?   smilely smoking a pipe
%%
0-)   smiley cyclops (scuba diver?)
%%
:<    midget unsmiley
%%
:>    midget smiley
%%
:-)     ha ha
%%
~~:-(   net.flame
%%
|-)     hee hee
%%
|-D     ho ho
%%
:->     hey hey
%%
:-(     boo hoo
%%
X-(     net.suicide
%%
:-I     hmm
%%
:-O     uh oh
%%
>:-I    net.startrek
%%
:-P     nyah nyah
%%
3:o[    net.pets
%%
|-P     yuk
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it,
  because it'll never be quite the same again.
%%
   == TOP TEN REASONS TO STILL CHOOSE AN ATARI OVER A MAC ==

   10) Just one model in production (Falcon) makes selection a 'no-brainer.'
   9) Tramiel's multimedia computer development in a 'class by itself.'
   8) Still sports the largest collection of 'masochistic' programmers.
   7) Less time wasted reading thick, glossy monthly periodicals.
   6) No portability 'problems' due to no portable notebooks or laptops.
   5) Extensive collection of 'two' games available for the amazing Falcon.
   4) Limit of one dealer per metropolitan area promotes close friend-ships.
   3) One-piece design featuring 'mushy' keyboard way ahead of it's time.
   2) Ergonomically-placed joystick ports good practice for fumbling & cursing.
   1)  Who really needs all those CD-ROMs anyway?
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex has no calories.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount
  of trouble.
%%
:abbrev: /*-breev'/, /*-brev'/ n. Common abbreviation for
   `abbreviation'.
%%
:ABEND: [ABnormal END] /ah'bend/, /*-bend'/ n. Abnormal
   termination (of software); {crash}; {lossage}.  Derives from an
   error message on the IBM 360; used jokingly by hackers but
   seriously mainly by {code grinder}s.  Usually capitalized, but may
   appear as `abend'.  Hackers will try to persuade you that ABEND is
   called `abend' because it is what system operators do to the
   machine late on Friday when they want to call it a day, and hence
   is from the German `Abend' = `Evening'.
%%
:accumulator: n. 1. Archaic term for a register.  On-line use of it
   as a synonym for `register' is a fairly reliable indication that
   the user has been around for quite a while and/or that the
   architecture under discussion is quite old.  The term in full is
   almost never used of microprocessor registers, for example, though
   symbolic names for arithmetic registers beginning in `A' derive
   from historical use of the term `accumulator' (and not, actually,
   from `arithmetic').  Confusingly, though, an `A' register name
   prefix may also stand for `address', as for example on the
   Motorola 680x0 family.  2. A register being used for arithmetic or
   logic (as opposed to addressing or a loop index), especially one
   being used to accumulate a sum or count of many items.  This use is
   in context of a particular routine or stretch of code.  "The
   FOOBAZ routine uses A3 as an accumulator."  3. One's in-basket
   (esp. among old-timers who might use sense 1).  "You want this
   reviewed?  Sure, just put it in the accumulator."  (See {stack}.)
%%
:ACK: /ak/ interj. 1. [from the ASCII mnemonic for 0000110]
   Acknowledge.  Used to register one's presence (compare mainstream
   *Yo!*).  An appropriate response to {ping} or {ENQ}.
   2. [from the comic strip "Bloom County"] An exclamation of
   surprised disgust, esp. in "Ack pffft!"  Semi-humorous.
   Generally this sense is not spelled in caps (ACK) and is
   distinguished by a following exclamation point.  3. Used to
   politely interrupt someone to tell them you understand their point
   (see {NAK}).  Thus, for example, you might cut off an overly
   long explanation with "Ack.  Ack.  Ack.  I get it now".

   There is also a usage "ACK?" (from sense 1) meaning "Are you
   there?", often used in email when earlier mail has produced no
   reply, or during a lull in {talk mode} to see if the person has
   gone away (the standard humorous response is of course {NAK}
   (sense 2), i.e., "I'm not here").
%%
:ad-hockery: /ad-hok'*r-ee/ [Purdue] n. 1. Gratuitous assumptions
   made inside certain programs, esp. expert systems, which lead to
   the appearance of semi-intelligent behavior but are in fact
   entirely arbitrary.  For example, fuzzy-matching input tokens that
   might be typing errors against a symbol table can make it look as
   though a program knows how to spell.  2. Special-case code to cope
   with some awkward input that would otherwise cause a program to
   {choke}, presuming normal inputs are dealt with in some cleaner
   and more regular way.  Also called `ad-hackery', `ad-hocity'
   (/ad-hos'*-tee/), `ad-crockery'.  See also {ELIZA effect}.
%%
:Ada:: n. A {{Pascal}}-descended language that has been made
   mandatory for Department of Defense software projects by the
   Pentagon.  Hackers are nearly unanimous in observing that,
   technically, it is precisely what one might expect given that kind
   of endorsement by fiat; designed by committee, crockish, difficult
   to use, and overall a disastrous, multi-billion-dollar boondoggle
   (one common description is "The PL/I of the 1980s").  Hackers
   find Ada's exception-handling and inter-process communication
   features particularly hilarious.  Ada Lovelace (the daughter of
   Lord Byron who became the world's first programmer while
   cooperating with Charles Babbage on the design of his mechanical
   computing engines in the mid-1800s) would almost certainly blanch
   at the use to which her name has latterly been put; the kindest
   thing that has been said about it is that there is probably a good
   small language screaming to get out from inside its vast,
   {elephantine} bulk.
%%
:adger: /aj'r/ [UCLA] vt. To make a bonehead move with consequences
   that could have been foreseen with a slight amount of mental
   effort.  E.g., "He started removing files and promptly adgered the
   whole project".  Compare {dumbass attack}.
%%
:admin: /ad-min'/ n. Short for `administrator'; very commonly
   used in speech or on-line to refer to the systems person in charge
   on a computer.  Common constructions on this include `sysadmin'
   and `site admin' (emphasizing the administrator's role as a site
   contact for email and news) or `newsadmin' (focusing specifically
   on news).  Compare {postmaster}, {sysop}, {system
   mangler}.
%%
:ADVENT: /ad'vent/ n. The prototypical computer adventure game, first
   implemented on the {PDP-10} by Will Crowther as an attempt at
   computer-refereed fantasy gaming, and expanded into a
   puzzle-oriented game by Don Woods.  Now better known as Adventure,
   but the {{TOPS-10}} operating system permitted only 6-letter
   filenames.  See also {vadding}.

   This game defined the terse, dryly humorous style now expected in
   text adventure games, and popularized several tag lines that have
   become fixtures of hacker-speak:  "A huge green fierce snake bars
   the way!"  "I see no X here" (for some noun X).  "You are in a
   maze of twisty little passages, all alike."  "You are in a little
   maze of twisty passages, all different."  The `magic words'
   {xyzzy} and {plugh} also derive from this game.

   Crowther, by the way, participated in the exploration of the
   Mammoth & Flint Ridge cave system; it actually *has* a
   `Colossal Cave' and a `Bedquilt' as in the game, and the `Y2' that
   also turns up is cavers' jargon for a map reference to a secondary
   entrance.
%%
:AFJ: n. Written-only abbreviation for "April Fool's Joke".
   Elaborate April Fool's hoaxes are a hallowed tradition on USENET
   and Internet; see {kremvax} for an example.  In fact, April
   Fool's Day is the *only* seasonal holiday marked by customary
   observances on the hacker networks.
%%
:AI-complete: /A-I k*m-pleet'/ [MIT, Stanford: by analogy with
   `NP-complete' (see {NP-})] adj. Used to describe problems or
   subproblems in AI, to indicate that the solution presupposes a
   solution to the `strong AI problem' (that is, the synthesis of a
   human-level intelligence).  A problem that is AI-complete is, in
   other words, just too hard.

   Examples of AI-complete problems are `The Vision Problem'
   (building a system that can see as well as a human) and `The
   Natural Language Problem' (building a system that can understand
   and speak a natural language as well as a human).  These may appear
   to be modular, but all attempts so far (1991) to solve them have
   foundered on the amount of context information and `intelligence'
   they seem to require. See also {gedanken}.
%%
:AI koans: /A-I koh'anz/ pl.n. A series of pastiches of Zen
   teaching riddles created by Danny Hillis at the MIT AI Lab around
   various major figures of the Lab's culture (several are included
   under "{A Selection of AI Koans}" in {appendix
   A}).  See also {ha ha only serious}, {mu}, and {{Humor,
   Hacker}}.
%%
:AIDS: /aydz/ n. Short for A* Infected Disk Syndrome (`A*' is a
   {glob} pattern that matches, but is not limited to, Apple),
   this condition is quite often the result of practicing unsafe
   {SEX}.  See {virus}, {worm}, {Trojan horse},
   {virgin}.
%%
:AIDX: n. /aydkz/ n. Derogatory term for IBM's perverted version
   of UNIX, AIX, especially for the AIX 3.? used in the IBM RS/6000
   series.  A victim of the dreaded "hybridism" disease, this
   attempt to combine the two main currents of the UNIX stream
   ({BSD} and {USG UNIX}) became a {monstrosity} to haunt
   system administrators' dreams.  For example, if new accounts are
   created while many users are logged on, the load average jumps
   quickly over 20 due to silly implementation of the user databases.
   For a quite similar disease, compare {HP-SUX}.  Also, compare
   {terminak}, {Macintrash} {Nominal Semidestructor},
   {Open DeathTrap}, {ScumOS}, {sun-stools}.
%%
:airplane rule: n. "Complexity increases the possibility of
   failure; a twin-engine airplane has twice as many engine problems
   as a single-engine airplane."  By analogy, in both software and
   electronics, the rule that simplicity increases robustness (see
   also {KISS Principle}).  It is correspondingly argued that the
   right way to build reliable systems is to put all your eggs in one
   basket, after making sure that you've built a really *good*
   basket.
%%
:aliasing bug: n. A class of subtle programming errors that can
   arise in code that does dynamic allocation, esp. via
   `malloc(3)' or equivalent.  If more than one pointer addresses
   (`aliases for') a given hunk of storage, it may happen that the
   storage is freed or reallocated (and thus moved) through one alias
   and then referenced through another, which may lead to subtle (and
   possibly intermittent) lossage depending on the state and the
   allocation history of the malloc {arena}.  Avoidable by use of
   allocation strategies that never alias allocated core.  Also
   avoidable by use of higher-level languages, such as {LISP},
   which employ a garbage collector (see {GC}).  Also called a
   {stale pointer bug}.  See also {precedence lossage},
   {smash the stack}, {fandango on core}, {memory leak},
   {memory smash}, {overrun screw}, {spam}.

   Historical note: Though this term is nowadays associated with
   C programming, it was already in use in a very similar sense in the
   Algol-60 and FORTRAN communities in the 1960s.
%%
:all-elbows: adj. Of a TSR (terminate-and-stay-resident) IBM PC
   program, such as the N pop-up calendar and calculator utilities
   that circulate on {BBS} systems: unsociable.  Used to describe a
   program that rudely steals the resources that it needs without
   considering that other TSRs may also be resident.  One particularly
   common form of rudeness is lock-up due to programs fighting over
   the keyboard interrupt.  See {rude}, also {mess-dos}.
%%
:alt: /awlt/ 1. n. The alt shift key on an IBM PC or {clone}.
   2. n. The `clover' or `Command' key on a Macintosh; use of this
   term usually reveals that the speaker hacked PCs before coming to
   the Mac (see also {feature key}).  Some Mac hackers,
   confusingly, reserve `alt' for the Option key.  3. n.obs.  [PDP-10;
   often capitalized to ALT] Alternate name for the ASCII
   ESC character (ASCII 0011011), after the keycap labeling on some
   older terminals.  Also `altmode' (/awlt'mohd/).  This character
   was almost never pronounced `escape' on an ITS system, in
   {TECO}, or under TOPS-10 --- always alt, as in "Type alt alt to
   end a TECO command" or "alt-U onto the system" (for "log onto
   the [ITS] system").  This was probably because alt is more
   convenient to say than `escape', especially when followed by
   another alt or a character (or another alt *and* a character,
   for that matter).
%%
:Aluminum Book: [MIT] n. `Common LISP: The Language', by
   Guy L.  Steele Jr. (Digital Press, first edition 1984, second
   edition 1990).  Note that due to a technical screwup some printings
   of the second edition are actually of a color the author describes
   succinctly as "yucky green".  See also {{book titles}}.
%%
:amoeba: n. Humorous term for the Commodore Amiga personal computer.
%%
:amp off: [Purdue] vt. To run in {background}.  From the UNIX shell `&'
   operator.
%%
:amper: n. Common abbreviation for the name of the ampersand (`&',
   ASCII 0100110) character.  See {{ASCII}} for other synonyms.
%%
:angle brackets: n. Either of the characters `<' (ASCII
   0111100) and `>' (ASCII 0111110) (ASCII less-than or
   greater-than signs).  The {Real World} angle brackets used by
   typographers are actually taller than a less-than or greater-than
   sign.
   See {broket}, {{ASCII}}.
%%
:angry fruit salad: n. A bad visual-interface design that uses too
   many colors.  This derives, of course, from the bizarre day-glo
   colors found in canned fruit salad.  Too often one sees similar
   effects from interface designers using color window systems such as
   {X}; there is a tendency to create displays that are flashy and
   attention-getting but uncomfortable for long-term use.
%%
:AOS: 1. /aws/ (East Coast), /ay-os/ (West Coast) [based on a
   PDP-10 increment instruction] vt.,obs. To increase the amount of
   something.  "AOS the campfire."  Usage: considered silly, and now
   obsolete.  Now largely supplanted by {bump}.  See {SOS}.  2. A
   {{Multics}}-derived OS supported at one time by Data General.  This
   was pronounced /A-O-S/ or /A-os/.  A spoof of the standard
   AOS system administrator's manual (`How to Load and Generate
   your AOS System') was created, issued a part number, and circulated
   as photocopy folklore.  It was called `How to Goad and
   Levitate your CHAOS System'.  3. Algebraic Operating System, in
   reference to those calculators which use infix instead of postfix
   (reverse Polish) notation.

   Historical note: AOS in sense 1 was the name of a {PDP-10}
   instruction that took any memory location in the computer and added
   1 to it; AOS meant `Add One and do not Skip'.  Why, you may ask,
   does the `S' stand for `do not Skip' rather than for `Skip'?  Ah,
   here was a beloved piece of PDP-10 folklore.  There were eight such
   instructions: AOSE added 1 and then skipped the next instruction
   if the result was Equal to zero; AOSG added 1 and then skipped if
   the result was Greater than 0; AOSN added 1 and then skipped
   if the result was Not 0; AOSA added 1 and then skipped Always;
   and so on.  Just plain AOS didn't say when to skip, so it never
   skipped.

   For similar reasons, AOJ meant `Add One and do not Jump'.  Even
   more bizarre, SKIP meant `do not SKIP'!  If you wanted to skip the
   next instruction, you had to say `SKIPA'.  Likewise, JUMP meant
   `do not JUMP'; the unconditional form was JUMPA.  However, hackers
   never did this.  By some quirk of the 10's design, the {JRST}
   (Jump and ReSTore flag with no flag specified) was actually faster
   and so was invariably used.  Such were the perverse mysteries of
   assembler programming.
%%
:app: /ap/ n. Short for `application program', as opposed to a
   systems program.  What systems vendors are forever chasing
   developers to create for their environments so they can sell more
   boxes.  Hackers tend not to think of the things they themselves run
   as apps; thus, in hacker parlance the term excludes compilers,
   program editors, games, and messaging systems, though a user would
   consider all those to be apps.  Oppose {tool}, {operating
   system}.
%%
:arc: [primarily MSDOS] vt. To create a compressed {archive} from a
   group of files using SEA ARC, PKWare PKARC, or a compatible
   program.  Rapidly becoming obsolete as the ARC compression method
   is falling into disuse, having been replaced by newer compression
   techniques.  See {tar and feather}, {zip}.
%%
:arc wars: [primarily MSDOS] n. {holy wars} over which archiving
   program one should use.  The first arc war was sparked when System
   Enhancement Associates (SEA) sued PKWare for copyright and
   trademark infringement on its ARC program.  PKWare's PKARC
   outperformed ARC on both compression and speed while largely
   retaining compatibility (it introduced a new compression type that
   could be disabled for backward-compatibility).  PKWare settled out
   of court to avoid enormous legal costs (both SEA and PKWare are
   small companies); as part of the settlement, the name of PKARC was
   changed to PKPAK.  The public backlash against SEA for bringing
   suit helped to hasten the demise of ARC as a standard when PKWare
   and others introduced new, incompatible archivers with better
   compression algorithms.
%%
:archive: n. 1. A collection of several files bundled into one file
   by a program such as `ar(1)', `tar(1)', `cpio(1)',
   or {arc} for shipment or archiving (sense 2).  See also {tar
   and feather}.  2. A collection of files or archives (sense 1) made
   available from an `archive site' via {FTP} or an email server.
%%
:arena: [UNIX] n. The area of memory attached to a process by
   `brk(2)' and `sbrk(2)' and used by `malloc(3)' as
   dynamic storage.  So named from a semi-mythical `malloc:
   corrupt arena' message supposedly emitted when some early versions
   became terminally confused.  See {overrun screw}, {aliasing
   bug}, {memory leak}, {memory smash}, {smash the stack}.
%%
:arg: /arg/ n. Abbreviation for `argument' (to a function),
   used so often as to have become a new word (like `piano' from
   `pianoforte').  "The sine function takes 1 arg, but the
   arc-tangent function can take either 1 or 2 args."  Compare
   {param}, {parm}, {var}.
%%
:asbestos: adj. Used as a modifier to anything intended to protect
   one from {flame}s.  Important cases of this include {asbestos
   longjohns} and {asbestos cork award}, but it is used more
   generally.
%%
:asbestos cork award: n. Once, long ago at MIT, there was a {flamer}
   so consistently obnoxious that another hacker designed, had made,
   and distributed posters announcing that said flamer had been
   nominated for the `asbestos cork award'.  Persons in any doubt as
   to the intended application of the cork should consult the
   etymology under {flame}.  Since then, it is agreed that only a
   select few have risen to the heights of bombast required to earn
   this dubious dignity --- but there is no agreement on *which*
   few.
%%
:asbestos longjohns: n. Notional garments often donned by {USENET}
   posters just before emitting a remark they expect will elicit
   {flamage}.  This is the most common of the {asbestos} coinages.
   Also `asbestos underwear', `asbestos overcoat', etc.
%%
:ASCII:: [American Standard Code for Information Interchange]
   /as'kee/ n. The predominant character set encoding of present-day
   computers.  Uses 7 bits for each character, whereas most earlier
   codes (including an early version of ASCII) used fewer.  This
   change allowed the inclusion of lowercase letters --- a major
   {win} --- but it did not provide for accented letters or any
   other letterforms not used in English (such as the German sharp-S
   and the ae-ligature
   which is a letter in, for example, Norwegian).  It could be worse,
   though.  It could be much worse.  See {{EBCDIC}} to understand how.
%%
:ASCII art: n. The fine art of drawing diagrams using the ASCII
   character set (mainly `|', `-', `/', `\', and
   `+').  Also known as `character graphics' or `ASCII
   graphics'; see also {boxology}.
%%
:attoparsec: n. `atto-' is the standard SI prefix for
   multiplication by 10^(-18).  A parsec (parallax-second) is
   3.26 light-years; an attoparsec is thus 3.26 * 10^(-18) light
   years, or about 3.1 cm (thus, 1 attoparsec/{microfortnight}
   equals about 1 inch/sec).  This unit is reported to be in use
   (though probably not very seriously) among hackers in the U.K.  See
   {micro-}.
%%
:autobogotiphobia: /aw'to-boh-got`*-foh'bee-*/ n. See {bogotify}.
%%
:automagically: /aw-toh-maj'i-klee/ or /aw-toh-maj'i-k*l-ee/ adv.
   Automatically, but in a way that, for some reason (typically
   because it is too complicated, or too ugly, or perhaps even too
   trivial), the speaker doesn't feel like explaining to you.  See
   {magic}.  "The C-INTERCAL compiler generates C, then automagically
   invokes `cc(1)' to produce an executable."
%%
:avatar: [CMU, Tektronix] n. Syn. {root}, {superuser}.  There
   are quite a few UNIX machines on which the name of the superuser
   account is `avatar' rather than `root'.  This quirk was
   originated by a CMU hacker who disliked the term `superuser',
   and was propagated through an ex-CMU hacker at Tektronix.
%%
:awk: 1. n. [UNIX techspeak] An interpreted language for massaging
   text data developed by Alfred Aho, Peter Weinberger, and Brian
   Kernighan (the name is from their initials).  It is characterized
   by C-like syntax, a declaration-free approach to variable typing
   and declarations, associative arrays, and field-oriented text
   processing.  See also {Perl}.  2. n.  Editing term for an
   expression awkward to manipulate through normal {regexp}
   facilities (for example, one containing a {newline}).  3. vt. To
   process data using `awk(1)'.
%%
:back door: n. A hole in the security of a system deliberately left
   in place by designers or maintainers.  The motivation for this is
   not always sinister; some operating systems, for example, come out
   of the box with privileged accounts intended for use by field
   service technicians or the vendor's maintenance programmers.

   Historically, back doors have often lurked in systems longer than
   anyone expected or planned, and a few have become widely known.
   The infamous {RTM} worm of late 1988, for example, used a back door
   in the {BSD} UNIX `sendmail(8)' utility.

   Ken Thompson's 1983 Turing Award lecture to the ACM revealed the
   existence of a back door in early UNIX versions that may have
   qualified as the most fiendishly clever security hack of all time.
   The C compiler contained code that would recognize when the
   `login' command was being recompiled and insert some code
   recognizing a password chosen by Thompson, giving him entry to the
   system whether or not an account had been created for him.

   Normally such a back door could be removed by removing it from the
   source code for the compiler and recompiling the compiler.  But to
   recompile the compiler, you have to *use* the compiler --- so
   Thompson also arranged that the compiler would *recognize when
   it was compiling a version of itself*, and insert into the
   recompiled compiler the code to insert into the recompiled `login'
   the code to allow Thompson entry --- and, of course, the code to
   recognize itself and do the whole thing again the next time around!
   And having done this once, he was then able to recompile the
   compiler from the original sources, leaving his back door in place
   and active but with no trace in the sources.

   The talk that revealed this truly moby hack was published as
   "Reflections on Trusting Trust", `Communications of the
   ACM 27', 8 (August 1984), pp. 761--763.

   Syn. {trap door}; may also be called a `wormhole'.  See also
   {iron box}, {cracker}, {worm}, {logic bomb}.
%%
:backbone cabal: n. A group of large-site administrators who pushed
   through the {Great Renaming} and reined in the chaos of {USENET}
   during most of the 1980s.  The cabal {mailing list} disbanded in
   late 1988 after a bitter internal catfight, but the net hardly
noticed.
%%
:backbone site: n. A key USENET and email site; one that processes
   a large amount of third-party traffic, especially if it is the home
   site of any of the regional coordinators for the USENET maps.
   Notable backbone sites as of early 1991 include uunet and the
   mail machines at Rutgers University, UC Berkeley, DEC's Western
   Research Laboratories, Ohio State University, and the University of
   Texas.  Compare {rib site}, {leaf site}.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  No sex with anyone in the same office.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to
  get or how long it is going to last.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  A man in the house is worth two in the street.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Virginity can be cured.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops
  listening to him.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the
  same ones she can't stand years later.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  It is always the wrong time of month.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you
  won't either.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for
  crop failure.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  The younger the better.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that
  caused the trouble in the garden.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of
  frogs.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  There may be some things better than sex, and some things
  worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Love is a hole in the heart.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone
  into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on
  the moon.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Do it only with the best.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four
  letter words to convey its full meaning.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  One good turn gets most of the blankets.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the
  women he couldn't.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Never say no.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Love comes in spurts.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  The world does not revolve on an axis.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight
  are unimportant.
%%
     The sun was shining on the sea,
       Shining with all his might:
     He did his very best to make
       The billows smooth and bright -
     And this was odd, because it was
       The middle of the night.

           -- Lewis Carroll
%%
The Lords Prayer Has 56 Words
The Ten Commandments Has 297
The American Declaration Of Independance Has 300
Yet an EEC Directive on the import of caramel and caramel products required
26,911 words
%%
"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
make the rubble bounce"
          -- Winston Churchill
%%
Sing someone simple.
%%
Knknkqqll the Evil Bastard is here carrying:
     chainsaw, flamethrower, towel, brand, brand, brand, runesword,
     axe, sword, brand, bastardsword, longsword, brand, cat

Knknkqqll grins evilly.
%%
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
%%
Get Revenge!  Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
%%
Everything is possible except skiing through revolving doors.
%%
"The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be
 missing."
-- William J. Broad
%%
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
          -- Voltaire
%%
>From a long view of the history of mankind -- seen from, say, ten thousand
years from now -- there can be little doubt that the most significant event
of the 19th century will be judged as Maxwell's discovery of the laws of
electrodynamics.  The American Civil War will pale into provincial
insignificance in comparison with this important scientific event of the
same decade.
-- Richard P. Feynman
%%
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
          -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Atlee is a very modest man.  And with reason.
          -- Winston Churchill
%%
White's Railway Law:

     Never trust a system of transport you can't steer.
The Law of Software Envelopment
%%
Every program at MIT attempts to expand until it can read mail.
Those programs which cannot expand are replaced by ones which can.
In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own
incompetency
          -- The Peter Principle
%%
Q.     What do you get if you cross an elephant with a grape?
A.     |grape| * |elephant| * sin(theta)
%%
Q.     What do you get if you cross a mountaineer with a grape?
A.     You can't - a mountaineer is a scalar.
%%
THE THREE LAWS OF ROBOTICS
1 - A robot may not injure a human being, or,
through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2 - A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings
except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3 - A robot must protect its own existence as long as
such protection does not conflict with the First or
Second Law.
-- Isaac Asimov
%%
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four
tellers?
%%
"My favourite editor is  'cat >'".

     Five minutes later,

"Well, VI is my second favourite editor."
%%
St. George for England, and St. Pancras for Scotland!

In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
the proper order then why can't he?
%%
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months.
          -- Oscar Wilde
%%
"Even if the propeller had the power of propelling a vessel, it would be found
 altogether useless in practice, because the power being applied in the stern
 would be absolutely impossible to make the vessel steer."
-- Sir William Symonds - British Royal Navy, 1837
%%
It will be advantageous to cross the great stream ... the Dragon is on
the wing in the Sky ... the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.
%%
Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
          -- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
%%
"They couldn't hit a barn door from this dist..."
          - Last words of one famous American general
%%
     Water, water, everywhere,
     Nor any drop to drink.

          -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
"Draft politicians, not human beings."
-- antidraft slogan coined by Jeff Daiell, 1979
%%
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
          -- Earl Wilson
%%
Do not drink coffee in early A.M.  It will keep you awake until noon.
%%
>I would like to see a dictionary of Usenet slang written and added to the
>n.a.newusers postings.
-- Boyd Nation (boyd@ingr.com)
%%
IMHO, if some newby wants a n.a.n newsfroup dictionary of net.slang put in
the crontab of a net.god's backbone site, the silly JEDR should email
him instead of posting the start of a flamefest I have to put in my kill
file or unsubscribe to.  BTW, that posting was a megabyte gilly.  What
a maroney!  Almost half a waldron of pompousity.  Imminent death of the
net predicted.  Perhaps he should ask his SO or MOTOS what net.slang
means.  Of if his MOTAS is a MOTSS, he should ask him?  Or just post his
question to /dev/null.
%%
BTW, IMHO if you understood this whole posting, you've been on the
net far too long.  BCNU  :-)  TTFN.

-- Brad Templeton (brad@looking.on.ca)
%%
"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it."
          -- Donald Knuth
%%
"Paul, why have you got a square of blue card on your wall?"

"Well, a poster is 2 pounds 95, but a square of blue card is only 65p"
%%
Dear Lord:
     I just want *one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
     the other hand", again.
%%
A man with too many kettles is like a fish without a sub post office.

     -- Mel Hunt
%%
The Law of Software Envelopment

Every program at MIT attempts to expand until it can read mail.
Those programs which cannot expand are replaced by ones which can.
%%
 "The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed
  entirely of lost airline luggage."
-- Mark Russell
%%
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
Julian to Gregorian."
%%
     'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
       Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
     All mimsy were the borogroves,
       And the mome raths outgrabe.

     "Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
       The jaws that bite, the claws that catch,
     Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
       The frumious Bandersnatch!"

          -- Lewis Carroll
%%
You are in a dark and gloomy graveyard. You can see grave grave grave
grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave
grave grave grave grave grave
Anarchy the Wizard says "This is a grave situation."
grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave
grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave grave
grave ...

     -- a particularily nasty MUD crash.
%%
"There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the
 possible exception of the sword."
-- Benjamin Dana
%%
Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?
%%
rm -rf *, doodah, doodah..
rm -rf *, all the live-long day.
%%
Cold-hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colors from our sight
Red is gray, and yellow white
But we decide which is right
And which is a quantization error.
-- Jef Poskanzer, from the doc to his oh-so-cool program that converts color
     bitmaps to greyscale ones.
%%
"You pathetic jugglers never lowered yourselves to developing the software.
 You should have paid a little more attention to R & D."
 -- Cyberpunk comics
%%
If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to
invent it.
%%

..............................................................._@/

%%
"Politics is for the moment.  An equation is for eternity."
-- Albert Einstein
%%
Why explore the Universe? It is almost ironic that we should have to ask this
question because it is almost as though we have to apologize for our highest
attributes... we went to Mars, not because of our technology, but because of
our imagination.
-- Norman Cousins
%%
     Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the
month.  According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people
are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China.
     The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either
(depending on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax
tadpole".
     Bite the wax tadpole.
     There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?
     The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's
hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to
bite a wax tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad,
but broad satiric vistas do not open up.
          -- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle
%%
Naeser's Law:
     You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
     damnfoolproof.
%%
     "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
asked the father of his little son.
     "Diet."
%%
"You know, I've never acidentally drilled a hole in myself while programming."
-- Karl Lehenbauer
%%
Churchill's Commentary on Man:
     Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the
     time he will pick himself up and continue on.
%%
I really hate this damn machine, I wish that they would sell it;
It never does quite what I want, but only what I tell it.
%%
"And remember, rebooting your brain can be tricky."
-- Eric Townsend (erict@flatline)
%%
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both
incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by
twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
          -- R. Serling
%%
Be awake.
Britain's got too many lerts.
%%
"If you don't make money off of it, it had better be either a religious
experience or a hobby."
-- Lance Cooper
%%
If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
          -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
%%
I have this nightmare. We're all up on the crest, riding the wave of new
microcomputer technology. But then the wave washes us up on a beach. And
there stand all the minicomputer and mainframe guys with thick COBOL
manuals and piles of source code listings. They look down at us and say:
"Where've you been? We've been waiting for you."
%%
I couldn't help it - the only thing I can't resist is temptation.

          -- Oscar Wilde.
%%
.HELP SEX
This system is a computer and as such is not able to help with enquiries of
this nature. For details on reproduction see the Xerox documentation.

     (Famous Help text from Essex Dec10)
%%
"Life is full of surprises when you're up th' stream of consciousness
 without a paddle..."
-- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
%%
Life's trivial mysteries - number 23246658

How come Mr. Ben gets changed by simply removing his hat?
%%
"Xerox sues somebody for copying?"
-- David Letterman
%%
"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
immune to bullets"
          -- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
%%
A Law of Computer Programming:
     Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
     will find the programmers cannot write in English.
%%

"Take the logical view - of all the people who have ever lived on this
planet, there's only a few that have done exams."

          -- Eugene McSweeney
%%
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots
%%
"There is no law that vulgarity and literary excellence cannot coexist."
-- A. Trevor Hodge
%%
A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.
%%
A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
%%
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
%%
A committee: when all is said and done, 90% is said, and 10% is done.
%%
A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made
redundant by the computer.
%%
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
%%
A dirty book is seldom dusty.
%%
A formal briefing is like an avalanche:
a high-level snow-job of massive and overwhelming proportions.
%%
A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.
%%
A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
%%
A lost property office is for people to return things they find and don't want.
%%
A man's mother is his misfortune, his wife is his fault.
%%
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
%%
A person's character is but half formed till after wedlock.
%%
A pessimist is one who feels bad when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse
when he feels better.
%%
A piece of wire cut to length will be too short.
%%
A politician has to be able to see both sides of an issue, so he can get around it.
%%
A politician is a man who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for.
%%
A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
%%
A Scottish gift: "It's nae use to me, ye're welcome to it."
%%
A stitch in time saves embarrassment.
%%
A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on.
%%
A woman is like a piano. If she's not upright she's grand.
%%
A yawn is a silent shout.
%%
Absolute zero is cool.
%%
Abstinence is the thin end of the pledge.
%%
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
%%
All human acts involve more chance than decision.
%%
All sunshine makes the desert.
%%
Always look for the calculations that go with a calculated risk.
%%
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
%%
Among the runners finishing last was an older man wearing a T-shirt that
proclaimed 'Abominably Slow Man.'
%%
An adult is one who has ceased to grow vertically but not horizontally.
%%
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his doctor does.
%%
An election year is the time politicians want to help us out of all the
trouble they got us into in the first place.
%%
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
%%
Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
%%
VAX/VMS - Software for the 60's
%%
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
          -- R. S. Barton
%%

God works. And he's in his second year doing History at Aberystwyth.

          -- Unknown Evangelist, Aberystwyth.
%%
"...an animal loses not only its life but also its third dimension."
-- Roger M. Knutson, in _Flattened Fauna: A Field Guide to Common Animals of
  Roads, Streets,and Highways_
%%
Oh look, there's a bug!

     -- Whalemeat watching the hex dump of an IBM PC BIOS scrolling
        past at speed.
%%
Lie, n.:
     A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
%%
100 million pounds
%%
Never eat more than you can lift.
          -- Miss Piggy
%%
"We'll fight them with conventional weapons until we lose. We'll fight them
with tactical nuclear weapons until we lose. Then we'll blow up the whole
damm world. " - True quote from a NATO general.
%%
Someone said the other day that they wished they had my attitude to
life. I was puzzled, because I haven't got an attitude to life.
%%
"How can a man of integrity get along in Washington?"
-- Richard Feynman
%%
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
          -- Wernher von Braun
%%
What big round yellow thing?
%%
Printer:
     A device for:

     1) Chewing up paper and converting it into useless trash
     2) Acclimatising the ears before a heavy metal concert
     3) Printing things (occasionally)
%%
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  Debugging had
to be discovered.  I can remember the exact instant when I realized
that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
finding mistakes in my own programs.
          -- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
%%
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
          -- Ed Dijkstra
%%
/ is the root of all UNIX
%%
"I've gone to hundreds of fortune-tellers' parlors, and have been told
 thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready
 to arrest her."
-- New York City Detective
%%
     "I quite agree with you," said the Duchess; "and the moral of
that is -- 'Be what you would seem to be' -- or, if you'd like it put
more simply -- 'Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it
might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not
otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be
otherwise.'"
          -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
%%
Surrealists in Breadcrumbs.
%%
By the time of the Great Renaming, net.suicide, along with net.rumors,
was mainly populated by refugees from net.bizarre, which was the first
popular group ever dropped by the backbone. This group of people acted
like a roving gang.  "Ah, here's a NEW almost-empty group to post
train schedules and core dumps in!"  Imagine their squeals of joy when
they discovered that posting to net.test got them mail from all over
the net.
-- Joe Buck, jbuck@janus.berkeley.edu, gives us some Usenet history
%%
Life's a bastard. Then you log into Lampeter.

          -- Wraistlyn looking for Lorry.
%%
A man with one watch knows what time it is, but a man with two watches
doesn't.

BUT!

A man with one sundial knows what time it is. So does a man with two.

     -- Eddie Rimmer
%%
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come
into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish
between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which
will only make it mushy.
          -- Mark Twain
%%
"The difference between a rabbit and a rock is the information content, and the
 difference between a living and a dead rabbit is in the availability or
 usability of the information."
-- Dr. John A. Ball
%%
Lieberman's Law:
     Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
%%
      A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
                 by Mark Twain

     For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped
to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer
be part of the alphabet.  The only kase in which "c" would be retained
would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.  Year 2
might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
     Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
     Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
%%
"Oh dear, now I've made a terrible mess of things.  And all I wanted to do was
 rule the universe."
-- Dr. Zachary Smith
%%
Something Evil has happened unexpectedly.
%%
White's Railway Law:

     Never trust a system of transport you can't steer.
%%
In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own
incompetency
          -- The Peter Principle
%%
 'Twas a dark and gloomy night, and the captain said to Jim "tell us a
story, Jim," so Jim began -
      'Twas a dark and gloomy night, and the captain said to Jim
     "tell us a story, Jim," so Jim began -
           'Twas a dark and gloomy night, and the captain said to Jim
          "tell us a story, Jim," so Jim began - ...
%%
Lewis's Law of Travel:
     The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
     anyone, ever.
%%
"Well," said Programmer, "the customary procedure in such cases is as follows."

"What does Crustimoney Proseedcake mean?" said End-user.  "For I am an End-user
 of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me."

"It means the Thing to Do."

"As long as it means that, I don't mind," said End-user humbly.

-- Chris Mathes, uunet!metter!chris, with apologies to C. Robin And W. T. Pooh
%%
If only God would give me some clear sign!  Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
          -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%%
This fortune program was brought to you by Jim Finnis, a.k.a. White the
Wizard. It's dedicated to all those UNIX system managers out there, to
whom users are an inconvenience. It's also dedicated to Shona MacNeill.
%%
"It still brings to mind the question of what (if anything) can be done
 to show the media that 'cyberpunks' aren't just a bunch of pimple-faced
 geeks who sit around trying to break into bank computers or whatever."
-- James Hartman (phaedrus@flatline.UUCP)

But cyberpunks *are* a bunch of pimple-faced geeks who sit around trying to
break into bank computers or whatever.  Re-read _Neuromancer_ and apply the
inverse James Bond transformation to Case and his cohorts.  They're all
supposed to be totally out of shape, with their disdain for the "meat".
-- Peter da Silva (peter@sugar.hackercorp.com)
%%
Please do not put sandwiches in the disk drive.
%%
I haven't got a cash flow problem!
No cash , no flow - No problem!
%%
"It turned out that the worm exploited three or four different holes in the
system. From this, and the fact that we were able to capture and examine some
of the source code, we realized that we were dealing with someone very sharp,
probably not someone here on campus."
-- Dr. Richard LeBlanc, associate professor of ICS, quoted in "The Technique,"
Georgia Tech's newspaper, after the computer worm hit the Internet
%%
Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only 2 cents a day.
%%
St. George for England, and St. Pancras for Scotland!
%%
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
the proper order then why can't he?
%%
"Hey, girly, how come you don't die when I hit you with a rusty bar?"

     -- galois' favourite chat-up line
%%
You will meet a short, pale stranger for a change.
%%
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
%%
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on
people.
          -- W. C. Fields
%%
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my
cottage cheese sculpture."
%%
... Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer,
my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental.  Any
resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic.
The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold
them is left as an exercise for the reader.  The question of the
existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god
coefficient.  (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism
is beyond the scope of this article.)
%%
You will meet a tall, dark stranger who will try to sell you an IBM
compatible.
          -- Phil
%%
Antonym, n.:
     The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
%%
In article <9001312222.AA20446@apee.ogi.edu>, mehuld@APEE.OGI.EDU (Mehul Dave)
writes:
> I apologize for misposting this article to a wrong newsgroup.  It was
> intended for sci.philosophy.tech.  Sorry for the oversight.

Come, come; you needn't apologize.  News.groups is the very bastion
of synthetic a priori judgments, so why not attack the Kantian beast
in its lair?
-- Mike Siemon, mls@cbnewsm.ATT.COM
%%
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my
garage door."
%%
If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him.
They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun
of it.
          -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
Je suis un chou-fleur sous un echequier enorme.

Zhe swi un shoo-flur soo un esheckeeay enorm.
%%
 "Why don't we name our machines after the Seven Dwarfs?"
 "You mean like 'dwarf1 dwarf2 dwarf3...'"
%%
I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
don't believe in astrology.
          -- James R. F. Quirk
%%
"I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in
'Y.'"
%%
"The most important question when any new computer architecture is
 introduced is `So what?'"
- someone in comp.arch
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they
  fall in love.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  Love is the delusion that one woman/man differs from another.
%%
  MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
  --------------------
  "This won't hurt, I promise."
%%
   COSBY'S LAWS
   ------------
   1. A bird in the hand.....wiggles!

   2. The show ain't over till the fat lady sings.....or you fall asleep!

   3. A bird in the hand.....is better than a hedgehog in the trousers.
%%
 "Relatives at the cremation of retired farmer Eddie Oakley, 78, asked for
  a tape of Ella Fitzgerald's classic `Every time we say goodbye' to be
  played. Instead the Stourbridge Crematorium played `Smoke gets in your
  eyes'."
           - Daily Star, October 1988.
%%
 "OK, when I say `draw,' we draw....Ready?... One, two three-STRAW!... OK,
just checkin' your ears.... One, two, three-CLAW!...OK, DRAWbridge!...!

       -The Far side.
%%
"Cricket is 50pc in the head, 50pc in the heart, and the bugger technique."

 The philosophy of the England cricket supremo Ray Illingworth.
%%
 Windows '95 - 5pc missing.
%%
 "This does not remind me of you."

 -Data to Worf, commenting that Worf's selection of a crystal swan as a
 present for O'Briens wedding is not indicative of Worf's personality.

 Great lines from Star Trek TNG. Episode: Data's Day.
%%
 "Mrs Suzanne Zingler of Cologne bought a potted palm for the living room.
  During the first week the plant made squeaking and hissing noises when
  she watered it. She thought it was simply air escaping from the dried
  earth in the pot. Six days later, when she watered it again, it not only
  squeaked but the earth around the roots began to heave. She called the
  florist where she had bought the palm and demanded that he came to take it
  back. The florist arrived, took one look and called the police, who
  called the local zoo. Experts arrived and took the tree away. At the zoo,
  staff removed a large female tarantula spider, and her nest of 50 young,
  from among the roots. They said the spider must have got in the pot when the
  plant was imported from southern Europe."

            - Sunday Express, March 1985.
%%
http://www.mediaatic.nl/doors/doors/html
%%
On this day 1.12.95
 1990 - The two halves of the Channel Tunnel were joined under the sea.
%%
 "Important facts from Galactic history, number one:
 (Reproduced from the Siderial Daily Mentioner's Book of Popular Galactic
 History.)

  The night sky over the planet Krikkit is the least interesting sight in
 the entire universe."

 -Life the Universe and Everything.
%%
Q. What's the difference between an Iranian funeral and an English soccer
   match?
A. They serve beer at an English soccer match.
%%
Q. Why do Chinese tanks have handbrakes?
A. For parking on the slopes.
%%
Q. What did the Chinese tank driver find when he was cleaning his tank?
A. A chink in the armour.
%%
Q. What is harder to get than toilet paper in Moscow?
A. A student loan in Beijing.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side?
A. He's all right now.
%%
Q. What is the worst part about a heart-lung transplant?
A. Coughing up someone else's phlegm.
%%
Q. How do you identify a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
%%
Q. How does a blind parachutist know when he's near the ground?
A. When his dog's leash goes slack.
%%
Q. How do you know when a leper has sent you a letter?
A. His tongue is still stuck on the stamp.
%%
Q. Why did the leper prostitute go out of business?
A. Business kept falling off.
%%
Q. Why did they have to call off the leper's hockey game?
A. There was a face left in the goal.
%%
Q. What did the leper say to the prostitute when they had finished?
A. Keep the tip.
%%
Q. How do you make a skeleton?
A. Put a leper in a wind tunnel.

%%
 "James Bond, 15, a pupil at Argoed High School, North Wales, and a
  candidate for examinations in 1990, was given the examination number 007
  by a computer quirk..."

            - The best of Fortean Times.
%%
 "It's a fax from your dog, Mr Dansworth. It looks like your cat."

       -The Far side.
%%










This fortune is intentionally left blank.
%%
 In a surprise move, IBM and Union Carbide teamed
up to create a new computer medium made entirely
of chemical gases, eliminating the need for disks
and tapes. This "Vaporware" (TM) reportedly will
be ready to ship "any day now."
%%
 "Important facts from Galactic history, number two:
 (Reproduced from the Siderial Daily Mentioner's Book of Popular Galactic
 History.)

 Since this Galaxy began, vast civilizations have risen and fallen, risen
and fallen, risen and fallen so often that it's quite tempting to think
that life in the Galaxy must be
    a) something akin to seasick - spacesick, time sick, history sick or
       some such thing, and
    b) stupid."

 -Life the Universe and Everything.
%%
"I've gone to hundreds of fortune-tellers' parlours,
and have been told thousands of things, but nobody
ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to
arrest her."

     -- New York City Detective
%%
 "The Lanzhou Evening news said that a bridegroom killed his
 new wife at a wedding reception in north east China with a
 kiss on the neck which was too passionate and long. Guests
 heard a scream and rushed into find the bride and groom
 unconscious on a sofa. Doctors decided that the kiss had
 caused heart palpitations."

                - Shropshire Star, October 1986.
%%
 A small ring of stones hold together the glowing embers
of last night's fire. Leaning on his staff, the herds man
quietly scans his flock, also contained within a larger
circle of boulders and posts. Maximum land within minimum
fence - today we call this radiocentric planning.
%%
 "Muchaki Ayati had a quarrel with his friend, who fired an arrow at him.
 Unable to dislodge it, Muchaki journeyed by foot for three days, walking
 over 35  miles and camping in the jungle, before reaching the hospital in
 Jadgalpur."

            - The best of Fortean Times.
%%
 "Men do not roar; women roar. Then they hurl heavy objects and claw
 at you:"
 -Worf describing Klingon love to Wesley.

 Great lines from Star Trek TNG. Episode: The Dauphin.
%%
I like the future, I'm in it.
%%
The advocate will refrain from making her opponent disappear"

-Data, as arbiter, to Ardra after she makes Picard disappear during
the trial.

Great lines from Star Trek TNG. Episode: Devil's Due.
%%

Elite II - Cheat No.1

Fit some passenger cabins, fill some of them, and sell your ship. You will
still have your ship, and passengers, but you'll get the money from
selling your ship.
%%










 This fortune program is out to lunch.
%%









 This fortune program does not stop at this floor.
%%
Area 51
%%
 "Christopher Logan, 49, charged with impersonating a police man, escaped
  from Bow Street Court - by impersonating a police man."

            - The best of Fortean Times. 
%%
"It's better to be silent and be thought
a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
%%
 On this day 1.12.95
 1640 - The Portuguese drove out the Spanish to reclaim their independence. 
%%
 On this day 3.12.95
 1988 - Health minister Edwina Currie claimed that most of Britains egg
        production was affected by salmonella.
%%
 "Veronica Mullens and Anthony Pitt were married at Dowlais, Glamorgan. The
  names were recorded next to each other on the Merthyr Tydfil birth
  register 22 years ago."

            - Daily Express, December 1973.
%%
 On this day 1.12.95
 1939 - The world premiere of Gone With The Wind took place in New York. 
%%
 On this day 5.12.95
 1872 - The American brig the Mary Celeste was found drifting in the
        Atlantic, her crew missing.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Star Trek Generations. The two captains meet. 
%%
On this day 3.12.95
 1967 - The first heart transplant was performed by Dr Christian Bernard
        and a team of surgeons in South Africa.     
%%
OS/2 : Half an operating system
%%
Retired is being tired twice - first tired of working, then tired 
- Richard Armour  
%%
 He who laughs last is at 300 baud.
%%
"So this is it, were all going to die!"

            - The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.
%%
 Greatist film line ever? (NOT!) No.1

  "Flash, Flash! I love you, but we've only got 14 hours to save the earth!"

 Great, eh?
%%
 "Somebody stop me!"

 - Whats so great about someone saying that? (From the film "The Mask").
%%
 "Spoken!"
 
 - Whats so great about someone saying that? (From the film "The Mask").
%%
 "Police in Indianapolis allowed a woman accused of passing $100,000 worth
 of bad cheques to post bail with a cheque. It bounced.

            - Scotsman, March 1986. 
%%
          Smiley Dictionary, Part 1

 :-)     standard smiley, used to indicate satire or humour
    (Commodore-Amiga ROM Kernel, Libs and Devs reference manual).
 8-) standard smiley 2.
 :-(     sad.
 :-7     wry smiley.
 8-0     You did what?
 8-D     Then it's you own fault.. hahahahahahahaha.
 [8-)     smiley with a hard-hat.
 {8-)     smiley with a toupee
 }8-(     smiley with a toupee in an updraft
 :*)     drunk smiley
 8-*     oops... what did I just say?
 8-X     kiss
%%
 OS/2 - the nightmare continues.
%%
 "Get those tractors off our lawn."

   - John Major.
%%
 Seen on the East side of the Berlin Wall just before its demise:
     "Don't worry. Baldrick has a cunning plan."
%%
 Unanswered Question 15:

     How many miles to the gallon do you get with Dilithium Crystals?
%%
 "_Aaaaaaaa! Run, everyone! The canary has mutated!"

           -Inside a nuclear power plant.
%%
     Distant Hills.
 The distant hills call to me.
 Their rolling waves seduce my heart.
 Oh, how I want to graze in their lush valleys.
 Oh, how I want to run down their green slopes.
        Alas I cannot.
 Damn the electric fence!
 Damn the electric fence!

     -Cow poetry.
%%
  The heart of the jungle now well beyond them, the three intrepid explorers
 entered the spleen.
%%
  The world was going down the tubes.
 They needed a scapegoat. They found Wayne.
%%

 "Hey, baby! Do those legs go all the way up?"

             -Daddy longleg jerks.
%%
   "Xerox sues somebody for copying?"
          - David Letterman
%%
 "Space the final frontier. These are the voyages of the star ship
Enterprise. It's five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek
out new life and civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before."
%%

 "I didn't get where I am today by...."

            -CJ, in The fall and rise of Reginald Perin.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Dead poets society. Starring Robin Williams.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Patroit Games. Starring Harrison Ford.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Star Wars. The trilogy.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Good morning Vietnam. Starring Robin Williams.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Waynes World. Great laugh.
%%
Why did the bald man have a hole in his pants?
ANWSER: So he could run his fingers through his hair.
%%
What is biker foreplay?
"You awake, bitch?"
%%
Now where did I park my hard drive?
%%
Q. How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two.  One to hold the lightbulb and the other to drink beer until the
   room spins.
%%
Q:  How do you get a black man out of a tree in Alabama??
A:  Cut the rope.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Aladin. Robin Williams voice.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Star Trek 1-7. All great movies, all under rated.
%%
 Good film to see -

        The hand that rocked the cradle. Good thriller.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Robin Hood. Prince of thieves. Ahhhhhhhhhh.
%%
Mikhail Gorbachev woke up one morning feeling great. He walked to his window,
saw the sun coming up and crowed, "Good morning, sun!" As he turned away, he
was startled to hear a great, booming voice say, "Good morning, Comrade. Good
morning to you and the great Union of Soviet Socialist Republics." Gorbachev
quickly woke Raisa and his closest aides, took them to the window and said,
"Good morning, Comrade sun." Again the voice boomed, "Good morning, Comrade.
Good morning to you and to the rest of the glorious party." Gorbachev sat down
to his day's work, convinced he was destiny's child. Later, as the sun was
setting, he walked to the window and said, "Good evening to you, Comrade sun."
When no response came, he repeated the salutation again and again, growing
increasingly impatient with the silence. "Sun! I'm talking to you!" he suddenly
screamed.  "F**k you, a**h*le! the voice thundered back.  "I'm in the West
now!"
%%
"Make it a double, Joe," the dejected man told the bartender. "I just got the
shock of my life.  I caught my wife screwing my best friend." "Paul, that's
awful.  What did you do?" "I hit him in the nose with a newspaper and sent him
to bed with no Kibbles N Bits."
%%
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom
door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror,
mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a
brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both
return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on
the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and
his legs fall off.
%%
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a girl wearing the
tightest pants he's ever seen.  Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so
he walks over and asks: "How do you get into those pants?".  The young woman
looks him over and replies: "Well, you could start by buying me a drink...".
%%
A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress "I want a cup of coffee without
cream."  The waitress comes back a few minutes later and says "I'm sorry, but
we're all out of cream.  Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"
%%
Two guys go into a small diner for breakfast, the waitress comes up and asks
for their order.  "I'll have two eggs over easy, toast, and juice." the first
man says.  "And I'll have two eggs scrambled, toast, and juice in a clean
glass" says the other. The waitress comes some time later and asks "...now who
gets the clean glass?"
%%
There were three guys on this island.  A polish, an american, and a german. One
day a bottle washed up on shore, and out popped a genie. He said I will now
grant you each a wish. The american wished to be back fucking his wife. The
german said yeah, that sounds good i want the same. Poof they were gone. You
are the last said the genie, what do you want? "Well, I am kind of lonely...I
wish the other guys were back here."
%%
Being under pressure from civil rights groups, NASA finally decided to let a
polock fly into space in the shuttle. His only crewmate was a chimpanzee who
was trained to do special tasks during the mission. as the shuttle went into
orbit a red light came on, and the chimp turned on the on-board tape recorder.
The tape told the chimpanzee to ignite the orbital engines to reduce velocity
to 18000 mph. The chimp did that. Five minutes later, the red light came back
on, and the instructions on the tape told the chimp to go into an orbit which
would allow the shuttle to rendezvous with a lost insat satellite. The chimp
did that. Finally, the green light came on, and the polack waited for his
first instructions. He turned on the tape. "Feed the monkey" it said.
%%
One day, a Polack and his friends were watching a football game. The Polack
said "I'll bet anyone $10 that the quarterback will make a touchdown on this
play!" One of his friends accepted. So the play started and the quarterback ran
all the way to the 1 yard line and got tackled. The Polack lost his $10, so he
said "I'll bet anyone $10 that he'll make it on the replay!"
%%
A man with an exceptionally long penis goes to a surgeon and asks him to cut
off a part of it, saying, "Please Doc, you gotta do it.  Every time I hiccup on
the toilet, it siphons all the water out of the bowl."
%%
 God decided he needed a vacation.  One of his aides suggested Venus. "Forget
it," God said.  "I went there 10,000 years ago and got sunburned.  Another aide
suggested Jupiter.  "No way," God replied.  "I went there 5,000 years ago and
froze my ass off".  A third advisor suggested Earth.  "That's the worst," God
answered angrily.  "I was there 2,000 years ago and they're still accusing me
of knocking up some Jewish bitch!"
%%
The doctor wanted to write a prescription, so he reached in his pocket and
pulled out a thermometer.  "Shit,"  he muttered, "Some asshole has my pen."
%%
   Three nuns die and go to heaven, at the pearly gates they are confronted by
Saint Peter who says "Well girls before you can get into heaven you must answer
a question."  Saint Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?"
 She says, "Oh that's easy, that was Adam."  Birds sing, bells ring, the gates
open up and she goes into heaven.  So Saint Peter asks the second nun "Who was
the first woman on earth?"  She says "Oh that's easy that was Eve."  Same thing
happens - birds sing, bells ring, and she goes into heaven.  So Saint Peter
says to the third nun "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"  She sits
and thinks for awhile and says "Boy that's a hard one."  Birds sing, bells
ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven!
%%
This couple went to a nudist colony with their four year old son.  The
son asked his father, "Why do some people have big ones and other people
have little ones?". The father, who did not want to get into a detailed
discussion of sex organs just said, "The people with the big organs are
smart people and the people with the small organs are dumb." The little
boy accepted this explanation and did not ask any more questions.
  A little while later the father could not find his wife. So he asked
the little boy if he knew where his mother was. The little boy replied,
"She's behind the bushes with this real dumb guy who is getting smarter
by the minute."
%%
W.C. Fields is standing at the bottom of the stairs in a hotel.  A
beautiful blonde starts walking up the staircase. He stares at her as
she ascends the staircase.  He notices she isn't wearing any underwear.
He continues to stare.  When she reaches the top of the staircase, she
turns, and sees him watching her. She says "Mr.Fields I'm surprised at
you! I thought you were a gentleman".  And he says "AHH yes, madam...
and I thought you were a blonde."
%%
A pollster was conducting a door to door survey on the methods of birth
control used by married couples.  Typically, they would respond that
they used the rhythm method, the pill, etc. However, he knocked on one
door, and the woman who answered responded that she and her husband used
the Eyeball and Bucket Method.
  "Gee, lady," said the pollster, "I thought I had heard them all, but
that's a new one on me.  What, pray tell, is the Eyeball and Bucket
Method?"
  "Well," said the lady, "my husband is quite a bit shorter than I am, and
we like to make love standing up, so he stands on an overturned bucket.
Then all I have to do is watch his eyes, and when his eyeballs roll
back, I kick the bucket out from under him."
%%
 Good film to see -

        Star Trek Generations. The two captains meet.
%%
 Good film to see -

        Beverly Hills Cop. A true classic.
%%
 Film to avoid -

        Honey Moon in Vegas. No story. No laughs. 17 flying Elivises?
%%
 "In Tasmania, widow Stella Serth was fined �200 for dancing on her husbands
 grave singing, `Who's sorry Now?'

            - News of the World, October 1988.
%%
 "A man was accidentally killed in Thonburi, Thailand, in a 
fight with his friend over which came first the chicken or 
the egg. He said it was the egg."

            - Sunday Times, January 1978.
%%
 "Villagers cut off the heads of a religious 
leader and his wife in the Philippines after
challenging them to prove there was life after death."

            - Reveille, May 1979.
%%
 "An image of Christs face on the outside wall of 
a church in Guatemala City gave `miraculous cures' 
and was worshipped for two weeks before it was found 
to be a whitewashed poster of Willie Nelson.

    - Weekly World News, September 1987.
%%
"A crow flew into power lines in Japan, halting 
20 high-speed trains and causing wide spread chaos."

        - Daily Mirror, April 1980.
%%
 Mysteries of the universe. No.1.

 Why are PC's so popular?
%%
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin, and throw it back at her.
%%
 "I have a duckdo in my pocket."
 "Whats a duckdo?"
 "Quack, Quack." 
%%
 "A remarkable experience, commander."
 -Data, commenting to Riker after half a million amps pass through Data's
 body.

 Great lines from Star Trek TNG. Episode: Disaster
%%
"[On Mars] there are canals, we believe, and water.
If there is water, there is oxygen.  If oxygen, 
that means we can breathe."
 -- Dan Quayle, VP of the United States
%%
Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer. It has a
800 MHz processor, 512 megabytes of RAM, 850000 megabytes of disk storage, a
screen resolution of 2024 x 2024 pixels, relies entirely on voice
recognition for input, fits in your shirt pocket and costs $300. What's
the first question that the computer community asks?

"Is it PC compatible?"
%%
 The God of war rode out one day
 Upon a handsome filly.
 "I'm Thor!" he cried.
 The horse replied
 "You forgot your thaddle, thilly."
%%
 As the skunk said when the wind changed: "It's all coming back to me now."
%%
 Definition of mixed emotions: a man seeing his mother-in-law backing
over a cliff in his new car.
%%
 The nervous young husband phoned the hospital to find out if his wife had
gone into labour yet.
 "No sir," said the nurse.
 A few minutes later he tried again.
 "Not yet," came the soothing reply.
 The third time he got through to the local cricket club by mistake.
 "Good news, sir," came the reply, "He got them all out and the last one
 was a duck."
%%
 Fighting between Chelsea and Millwall supporters was interrupted for
90 minutes today when 22 players invaded the pitch.
%%
      |\/\/\/|
      |      |
      |      |
      | (o)(o)
      C      _)
      | ,___|
      |   /
     /____\
    /      \
%%
The Israelites were all waiting anxiously at the foot of the mountain,
knowing that Moses had had a tough day negotiating with God over the
Commandments. Finally a tired Moses came into sight.
"I've got some good news and some bad news, folks," he said. "The
good news is that I got Him down to ten. The bad news is that adultery's
still in."
%%
The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
%%
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor,
to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
        -- Anatole France
%%
The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab
as much as we could with both of them.
        -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
%%
The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to
the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.
        -- Macaulay, "History of England, I"
%%
The Real Man's Arctic Breakfast:
Ingredients: one bottle of whisky, ten pounds of raw meat.
Throw the meat to huskies.
Drink the whisky.
%%
The Real Man's Bloody Mary:
Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
Throw all the other ingredients away.
%%
The Roman Rule
The one who says it cannot be done should never
interrupt the one who is doing it.
%%
The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
Don't do it yet.
        -- Michael Jackson
%%
The Story of Creation or The Myth of Urk
In the beginning there was data. The data was without form and null,
and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM
was moving over the face of the market. And DEC said, "Let there be
registers"; and there were registers. And DEC saw that they carried;
and DEC separated the data from the instructions. DEC called the data
Stack, and the instructions they called Code. And there was evening
and there was morning, one interrupt...
        -- Rico Tudor
%%
The Street finds its own uses for technology.
        -- William Gibson
%%
The air is positively magic in here. Better wear a negative armor.
%%
The beginning of terror is the suspicion of ones own mortality.
The end of terror is the surety of it.
%%
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
%%
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
%%
The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't
reuse time.
        -- Merrick Furst
%%
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up
in the morning, and does not stop until you get to work.
%%
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
%%
The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly
greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed
inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner
party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.
        -- H. L. Mencken
%%
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
%%
The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.
        -- Alfred Adler
%%
The church is near but the road is icy;
the bar is far away but I will walk carefully.
        -- Russian Proverb
%%
The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture.
        -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
%%
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
%%
The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff:
"You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle in
his hand. But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?"
"Yes," he admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course, but
not much good in a fight."
%%
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
        -- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
%%
The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
%%
The easiest way to figure the cost of living is
to take your income and add ten percent.
%%
The economy depends about as much on economists as
the weather does on weather forecasters.
        -- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
%%
The end of the human race will be that it
will eventually die of civilization.
        -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday,
with symposium to follow.
%%
The fact that it works is immaterial.
        -- L. Ogborn
%%
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
        -- Abbie Hoffman
%%
The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth
of management is that success equals skill.
        -- Robert Heller
%%
The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving
your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
        -- McCloctnik the Lucid
%%
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
%%
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that
will last at least until we've finished building it.
%%
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
The goal of nature is to build better mice.
%%
The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.
They gave him love and he invented marriage.
%%
The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who
make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians
have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine
man in the bonds of Hell.
        -- St. Augustine
%%
The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
to be good.
%%
The hands that help are better far than the lips that pray.
        -- Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
        -- Albert Einstein
%%
The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is
flat and slimy and has gills through which it can see.
        -- Monty Python
%%
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of
its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
%%
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats
a strange protein -- it rejects it.
        -- P. Medawar
%%
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
        -- Ashley Montagu
%%
The identical is equal to itself, since it is different.
        -- Franco Spisani
%%
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
        -- Henry Kissinger
%%
The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with
the square of the number of participants.
        -- Adam Walinsky
%%
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
%%
Q. How do you make sausages?
A. Put a sock over the end of the wind tunnel.
%%
Q. What do lepers fear most?
A. A Kampuchean with a knife and fork.
%%
Q. Why did the leper fail his driving test?
A. He left his foot on the clutch.
%%
Q. Hear about the lepers in the swimming pool?
A. It was a casserole.
%%
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together ...
-- Carl Zwanzg
%%
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term.
Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
%%
RULES OF EATING -- THE BRONX DIETER'S CREED
1. Never eat on an empty stomach.
2. Never leave the table hungry.
3. When traveling, never leave a country hungry.
4. Enjoy your food.
5. Enjoy your companion's food.
6. Really taste your food. It may take several portions to
accomplish this, especially if subtly seasoned.
7. Really feel your food. Texture is important. Compare, for
example, the texture of a turnip to that of a brownie.
Which feels better against your cheeks?
8. Never eat between snacks, unless it's a meal.
9. Don't feel you must finish everything on your plate. You
can always eat it later.
10. Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
11. Avoid blue food.
-- Richard Smit, "The Bronx Diet"
%%
Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
%%
"They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!"
%%
We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
%%
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher von Braun
%%
Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
%%
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be
offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin
a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount
of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of
affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately.
When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.
Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
-- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour
%%
Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
otherwise require harder thinking.
-- Jerome Lettvin
%%
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
%%
Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but
nothing of interest is easy.
%%
You're at the end of the road again.
%%
But scientists, who ought to know
Assure us that it must be so.
Oh, let us never, never doubt
What nobody is sure about.
-- Hilaire Belloc
%%
You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for
success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits
or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume
party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.
-- Dave Barry, "How to Dress for Real Success"
%%
Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.
She scissored short. Sorely shorn,
Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed,
Silently scheming,
Sightlessly seeking
Some savage, spectacular suicide.
-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
%%
A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
But this output can be
No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
-- Gigo
%%
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
%%
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
%%
Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the
Station-to-Station rate.
%%
"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
%%
Incumbent, n.:
Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And
vice versa.
%%
Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own
physician.
%%
NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe? Everything he
says is wrong.
GUISEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says
will be right.
-- G. B. Shaw, "The Man of Destiny"
%%
While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things,
The fate of empires and the fall of kings;
While quacks of State must each produce his plan,
And even children lisp the Rights of Man;
Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,
The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
-- Robert Burns, Address on "The Rights of Woman",
November 26, 1792
%%
Q. Did you hear about the lepers playing cards?
A. One threw his hand in and the others laughed their heads off.
%%
Q. What's so great about being a test-tube baby?
A. You get a womb with a view.
%%
Q. Was it Russian weaponry or Russian tactics that lost the Six Day War for
   the Arabs in 1967?
A. The tactics.  They kept retreating and waiting for the winter.
%%
Everything west of Alice Springs will eventually plunge into the Indian Ocean.
%%
Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
%%
Existentialism has no future.
%%
Experience: a comb life gives you after you lose your hair.
%%
Feudalism : it's your count that votes.
%%
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
%%
Fight for the right to pretend to work.
%%
Fish and visitors smell in three days.
%%
Flower Power rules, bouquet.
%%
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
%%
Foot: a politician's pacifier.
%%
For successful propaganda you need proper geese.
%%
Fortress: a female fort.
%%
Fortune is like the market, where many times, if you can stay a little, the
price will fall.
%%
Friends may come and friends may go but enemies accumulate.
%%
General notions are generally wrong.
%%
Genius is born, not paid.
%%
Genius is patience.
%%
Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
%%
Geography is everywhere.
%%
Getting anything done around here reminds me of elephants mating :
    - it's done at a very high level
    - there's lots of trumpeting about it
    - it takes two years to see any results.
%%
God may be dead but 50,000 social workers have taken his place.
%%
Good-nature and good sense are usually companions.
%%
Guarantee: a legal vehicle which expires on the same day as your mechanical
           one.
%%
Guy Fawkes was the sanest man who ever went into the Houses of Parliament -
and look what happened to him.
%%
Guy Fawkes where are you now that we need you?
%%
Halitosis is better than no breath at all.
%%
"Hamlet" is just a bunch of quotations strung together.
%%
Happiness is not what you experience but what you remember.
%%
Hari-kiri takes some guts.
%%
He does not believe that does not live according to his belief.
%%
He made no friend who never made a foe.
%%
He said he was dying of fast women, slow horses, crooked cards and straight whisky.
%%
He that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.
%%
He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
%%
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
%%
He who hestitates is bossed.
%%
He who hestitates is sometimes saved.
%%
He who throws dirt loses ground.
%%
Heisenberg might have been here.
%%
Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle.
%%
Home is where, if you have no place to go, they gotta take you in.
%%
Home is where the television is.
%%
Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.
%%
Hope: enjoyment of the future in advance.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the man who made a new boomerang?
A. He went mad trying to throw the old one away.
%%
Q. What do they use wardrobes for in Police Stations?
A. Extra hanging space.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the Irish skydiver?
A. He was killed when his snorkel and flippers failed to open.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the Irish jellyfish?
A. It set.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the Irish mosquito?
A. It caught malaria.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the Irish woodworm?
A. It was found dead in a brick.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the Irishman who locked his keys in the car?
A. It took him two hours to get his family out.
%%
Q. Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland?
A. They couldn't find three wise men or one virgin.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the Irishman who learned to tap dance?
A. He fell into the sink and drowned.
%%
Q. Did you hear about the Irish archer who fired an arrow into the air?
A. He missed.
%%
Q. How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One hundred - one to hold the lightbulb and 99 to turn the room around.
%%
Q. How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one - who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
   to an earlier joke.
%%
Q. How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?
A. What makes you think a light bulb can be changed anyway?
%%
Q. How many fashion designers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None - they just mount a huge advertising campaign proclaiming that this
   year "dark" is in.
%%
Q. How many KGB agents does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three - one to hold down the bulb and two to apply the electrodes.
%%
Q. How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two - one to change the bulb and one to write a book about the passive
   role of the socket.
%%
Q. How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many do you think?
%%
Q. How many punsters does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None - a light bulb is just a filiment of your imagination.
%%
Q. How many software analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None - it's a tradesman's problem.  Software analysts are too important
   to do such menial work.
%%
Q. How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Six - one to do all the work and five to write a song about how good the
   old one was.
%%
Q. How many DEC technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four - one to do all the work and the other three to hold all the manuals.
%%
Q. What is the Australian men's foreplay?
A. "Are you awake?"
%%
Q. What do you call a New Zealander with 1000 wives?
A. A shepherd.
%%
Q. What has two wings, 22 legs and an I.Q. of 50?
A. Glascow Celtic.
%%
Q. How can you tell when the aeroplane that has landed is full of Poms?
A. When the pilot turns the engines off, you can still hear the whining.
%%
Q. What is the difference between Queensland and yoghurt?
A. Yoghurt has an active culture.
%%
Q. Why do they drink XXXX in Queensland?
A. They're too stupid to spell BEER.
%%
Q. What lives at the bottom of the ocean and hates coloured fish?
A. A Ku Klux Klam.
%%
Q. What's the difference between a Swiss admiral and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?
A. The Hoover vacuum cleaner sucks and sucks and never fails.
%%
Q. Why did Quasimodo's wife buy him a wok?
A. To iron his shirts.
%%
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
%%
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the
crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no
one has ever been.
        -- Alan Ashley-Pitt
%%
The meek can have the Earth -- rest of us have other plans.
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
%%
The men sat sipping their tea in silence. After a while the
klutz said, "Life is like a bowl of sour cream."
"Like a bowl of sour cream?" asked the other. "Why?"
"How should I know? What am I, a philosopher?"
%%
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
        -- R. Bach, "Illusions"
%%
The more laws and order are made prominent,
the more thieves and robbers there will be.
        -- Lao Tsu
%%
The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk.
%%
The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?"
%%
The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.
%%
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
%%
The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
     -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
%%
The only thing that stops God from sending
another flood is that the first one was useless.
        -- Chamfort
%%
The only thing we learn from history is that
we learn nothing from history.
        -- Hegel
I know guys can't learn from yesterday...
Hegel must be taking the long view.
        -- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
%%
The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up
until 5 or 6 p.m.
%%
The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
        -- Niels Bohr
%%
The past always looks better than it was.
It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
        -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
%%
The pleasure is momentary,
The position ridiculous,
The expense damnable.
        -- Chesterfield, on sex
%%
The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to
constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every
appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA
statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This
also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change.
        -- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
%%
The probability of someone watching you is
proportional to the stupidity of your action.
%%
The problem...is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with.
%%
The quality of a blow-job is determined by the
length of sheet you have to pull out of your ass.
%%
The revolution will not be televised.
%%
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
        -- Emerson
%%
The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.
        -- Justice Douglas
%%
The ripest fruit falls first.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
%%
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with
sloppy analysis!
%%
The secret of happiness is total disregard of everybody.
%%
The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood
as he reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all.
The Gray Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in
the palace of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in
twenty-five of him are dead, he is alive.
"Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached
everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a
fierce host which out-numbers Lankhmar's inhabitants by fifty to one --
and equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city."
"How?" demanded Fafhrd.
Ningauble shrugged. "You're a hero. You should know."
        -- Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
%%
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
        -- Noelie Alito
%%
The so-called lessons of history are for the most part
the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.
        -- Max Lerner
%%
The superfluous is very necessary.
        -- Voltaire
%%
The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling
their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from
the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision. Each tends to
ascribe to the other side a consistency, forsight and coherence that
its own experience belies. Of course, even two blind men can do
enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room.
        -- Henry Kissinger
%%
The surest sign that a man is in love is when he divorces his wife.
%%
The thief
Left it behind --
The moon at the window.
        -- Ryokan
%%
The three most important parts of a stove: lifter, leg, and poker.
%%
The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance
committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
        -- C. N. Parkinson
%%
The trouble with being punctual is that people think
you have nothing more important to do.
%%
The trouble with doing something right the first time
is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
%%
The trouble with money is it costs too much.
%%
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
%%
I was only about eleven when this happened. We were living in a big block
of flats with a centre courtyard. All the bedromm windows on the building
opened onto this court. And sometimes, in the middle of the night, that
building sounded like a mass orgy.I may have been only eleven, but no-one
had to tell me what all that moaning and yelling was about. I would lie
there, mesmerised, listening to the first couple. Invariably, they'd wake
up other couples, and like some kind of chain reaction, within minutes the
whole building was fucking. I mean, have you ever heard other people
fucking, and really enjoying it? It's a marvellous sound. Not like in the
movies, but when it's real. It's such a happy, exciting sound.

   - "Sheffield: Sex City" , "Pulp"
%%
Make a saving throw vs Spell!
%%
Have you payed the shareware fee?

 YES/NO ?
%%
The universe does not have laws --
it has habits, and habits can be broken.
%%
The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination --
but the combination is locked up in the safe.
        -- Peter DeVries
%%
The value of a program is directly proportional to the weight of
its output.
%%
The very first essential for success is a perpetually
constant and regular employment of violence.
        -- Adolph Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
%%
The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts
to fit their views...which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to
be one of the facts that needs altering.
        -- Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
%%
The volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.
        -- Jerry Brown
%%
The wages of sin are high --
unless you know someone who does it for nothing.
%%
The warning message we sent the Russians was
a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.
        -- Alexander Haig
%%
The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market
is to start with a large fortune.
%%
The world's as ugly as sin,
And almost as delightful
        -- Frederick Locker-Lampson
%%
Theft from a single author is plagiarism.
Theft from two is comparative study.
Theft from three or more is research.
%%
There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or
a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
        -- Gloria Steinem
%%
There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both
plants and animals. When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis;
and when the lights go out, they turn into animals. But then again,
don't we all?
%%
There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells
and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated
pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving
them parched for wonder. There are also those who believe that if you
stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your
intelligence.
        -- "The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII"
%%
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
        -- Disraeli
%%
There are three possibilities: Pioneer's solar panel has turned away
from the sun; there's a large meteor blocking transmission; or someone
loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor.
%%
There are three things I always forget. Names, faces --
the third I can't remember.
        -- Italo Svevo
%%
There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
%%
There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
%%
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
make is so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
deficiencies.
        -- C. A. R. Hoare
%%
There are two ways to write error-free programs.
Only the third one works.
%%
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through
a suitable application of high explosives.
%%
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
        -- Henry Kissinger
%%
There has been an alarming increase in the number
of things you know nothing about.
%%
There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself
to be burned for an opinion.
        -- Anatole France
%%
There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not
wave in a vacuum.
        -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
    -- Ken Olson, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977
%%
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
        -- G. B. Shaw
%%
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
%%
There is nothing so easy but that it becomes
difficult when you do it reluctantly.
        -- Publius Terentius Afer
%%
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
        -- C. S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"
%%
There was something about her I liked,
but I couldn't put my finger on it.
%%
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.
Too bad its not a fence.
%%
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
%%
There's no future in time travel.
%%
There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
%%
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
        -- Dr. Who
%%
There's no real need to do housework --
after four years it doesn't get any worse.
%%
:dd: /dee-dee/ [UNIX: from IBM {JCL}] vt. Equivalent to
   {cat} or {BLT}.  This was originally the name of a UNIX copy
   command with special options suitable for block-oriented devices.
   Often used in heavy-handed system maintenance, as in "Let's
   `dd' the root partition onto a tape, then use the boot PROM to
   load it back on to a new disk".  The UNIX `dd(1)' was
   designed with a weird, distinctly non-UNIXy keyword option syntax
   reminiscent of IBM System/360 JCL (which had an elaborate DD `Data
   Definition' specification for I/O devices); though the command
   filled a need, the interface design was clearly a prank.  The
   jargon usage is now very rare outside UNIX sites and now nearly
   obsolete even there, as `dd(1)' has been {deprecated} for a
   long time (though it has no exact replacement).  Replaced by
   {BLT} or simple English `copy'.
%%
:DDT: /D-D-T/ n. 1. Generic term for a program that assists in
   debugging other programs by showing individual machine instructions
   in a readable symbolic form and letting the user change them.  In
   this sense the term DDT is now archaic, having been widely
   displaced by `debugger' or names of individual programs like
   `dbx', `adb', `gdb', or `sdb'.  2. [ITS] Under
   MIT's fabled {{ITS}} operating system, DDT (running under the alias
   HACTRN) was also used as the {shell} or top level command
   language used to execute other programs.  3. Any one of several
   specific DDTs (sense 1) supported on early DEC hardware.  The DEC
   PDP-10 Reference Handbook (1969) contained a footnote on the first
   page of the documentation for DDT which illuminates the origin of
   the term:

     Historical footnote: DDT was developed at MIT for the PDP-1
     computer in 1961.  At that time DDT stood for "DEC Debugging Tape".
     Since then, the idea of an on-line debugging program has propagated
     throughout the computer industry.  DDT programs are now available
     for all DEC computers.  Since media other than tape are now
     frequently used, the more descriptive name "Dynamic Debugging
     Technique" has been adopted, retaining the DDT abbreviation.
     Confusion between DDT-10 and another well known pesticide,
     dichloro-diphenyl-trichloroethane (C14-H9-Cl5) should be minimal
     since each attacks a different, and apparently mutually exclusive,
     class of bugs.

   Sadly, this quotation was removed from later editions of the
   handbook after the {suit}s took over and DEC became much more
   `businesslike'.

   The history above is known to many old-time hackers.  But there's
   more: Peter Samson, author of the {TMRC} lexicon, reports that
   he named `DDT' after a similar tool on the TX-0 computer, the
   direct ancestor of the PDP-1 built at MIT's Lincoln Lab in 1957.
   The debugger on that ground-breaking machine (the first
   transistorized computer) rejoiced in the name FLIT (FLexowriter
   Interrogation Tape).
%%
:de-rezz: /dee-rez'/ [from `de-resolve' via the movie "Tron"]
   (also `derez') 1. vi. To disappear or dissolve; the image that goes
   with it is of an object breaking up into raster lines and static
   and then dissolving.  Occasionally used of a person who seems to
   have suddenly `fuzzed out' mentally rather than physically.
   Usage: extremely silly, also rare.  This verb was actually invented
   as *fictional* hacker jargon, and adopted in a spirit of irony
   by real hackers years after the fact.  2. vt. On a Macintosh, many
   program structures (including the code itself) are managed in small
   segments of the program file known as `resources'. The standard
   resource compiler is Rez.  The standard resource decompiler is
   DeRez.  Thus, decompiling a resource is `derezzing'.  Usage: very
   common.
%%
:dead: adj. 1. Non-functional; {down}; {crash}ed.  Especially
   used of hardware.  2. At XEROX PARC, software that is working but
   not undergoing continued development and support.
%%
:dead code: n. Routines that can never be accessed because all calls
   to them have been removed, or code that cannot be reached because
   it is guarded by a control structure that provably must always
   transfer control somewhere else.  The presence of dead code may
   reveal either logical errors due to alterations in the program or
   significant changes in the assumptions and environment of the
   program (see also {software rot}); a good compiler should report
   dead code so a maintainer can think about what it means.  Syn.
   {grunge}.
%%
:DEADBEEF: /ded-beef/ n. The hexadecimal word-fill pattern for
   freshly allocated memory (decimal -21524111) under a number of
   IBM environments, including the RS/6000.  As in "Your program is
   DEADBEEF" (meaning gone, aborted, flushed from memory); if you
   start from an odd half-word boundary, of course, you have
   BEEFDEAD.
%%
:deadlock: n. 1. [techspeak] A situation wherein two or more
   processes are unable to proceed because each is waiting for one of
   the others to do something.  A common example is a program
   communicating to a server, which may find itself waiting for output
   from the server before sending anything more to it, while the
   server is similarly waiting for more input from the controlling
   program before outputting anything.  (It is reported that this
   particular flavor of deadlock is sometimes called a `starvation
   deadlock', though the term `starvation' is more properly used for
   situations where a program can never run simply because it never
   gets high enough priority.  Another common flavor is
   `constipation', where each process is trying to send stuff to
   the other but all buffers are full because nobody is reading
   anything.)  See {deadly embrace}.  2. Also used of
   deadlock-like interactions between humans, as when two people meet
   in a narrow corridor, and each tries to be polite by moving aside
   to let the other pass, but they end up swaying from side to side
   without making any progress because they always both move the same
   way at the same time.
%%
:deadly embrace: n. Same as {deadlock}, though usually used only when
   exactly 2 processes are involved.  This is the more popular term in
   Europe, while {deadlock} predominates in the United States.
%%
:death code: n. A routine whose job is to set everything in the
   computer --- registers, memory, flags, everything --- to zero,
   including that portion of memory where it is running; its last act
   is to stomp on its own "store zero" instruction.  Death code
   isn't very useful, but writing it is an interesting hacking
   challenge on architectures where the instruction set makes it
   possible, such as the PDP-8 (it has also been done on the DG Nova).
   Death code is much less common, and more anti-social, on modern
   multi-user machines.  It was very impressive on earlier hardware
   that provided front panel switches and displays to show register
   and memory contents, esp. when these were used to prod the corpse
   to see why it died.

   Perhaps the ultimate death code is on the TI 990 series, where all
   registers are actually in RAM, and the instruction "store immediate
   0" has the opcode "0". The PC will immediately wrap around core as
   many times as it can until a user hits HALT.  Any empty memory
   location is death code.  Worse, the manufacturer recommended use of
   this instruction in startup code (which would be in ROM and
   therefore survive).
%%
:Death Star: [from the movie "Star Wars"] 1. The AT&T corporate
   logo, which appears on computers sold by AT&T and bears an uncanny
   resemblance to the `Death Star' in the movie.  This usage is
   particularly common among partisans of {BSD} UNIX, who tend to
   regard the AT&T versions as inferior and AT&T as a bad guy.  Copies
   still circulate of a poster printed by Mt. Xinu showing a starscape
   with a space fighter labeled 4.2 BSD streaking away from a broken
   AT&T logo wreathed in flames.  2. AT&T's internal magazine,
   `Focus', uses `death star' for an incorrectly done AT&T logo
   in which the inner circle in the top left is dark instead of light
   --- a frequent result of dark-on-light logo images.
%%
:DEC Wars: n. A 1983 {USENET} posting by Alan Hastings and Steve
   Tarr spoofing the "Star Wars" movies in hackish terms.  Some
   years later, ESR (disappointed by Hastings and Tarr's failure to
   exploit a great premise more thoroughly) posted a 3-times-longer
   complete rewrite called "UNIX WARS"; the two are often
   confused.
%%
:DEChead: /dek'hed/ n. 1. A DEC {field servoid}.  Not flattering.
   2. [from `deadhead'] A Grateful Dead fan working at DEC.
%%
:deckle: /dek'l/ [from dec- and {nybble}; the original
   spelling seems to have been `decle'] n. Two {nickle}s;
   10 bits.  Reported among developers for Mattel's GI 1600 (the
   Intellivision games processor), a chip with 16-bit-wide RAM but
   10-bit-wide ROM.
%%
:deep magic: [poss. from C. S. Lewis's "Narnia" books] n. An
   awesomely arcane technique central to a program or system, esp. one
   not generally published and available to hackers at large (compare
   {black art}); one that could only have been composed by a true
   {wizard}.  Compiler optimization techniques and many aspects of
   {OS} design used to be {deep magic}; many techniques in
   cryptography, signal processing, graphics, and AI still are.
   Compare {heavy wizardry}.  Esp. found in comments of the form
   "Deep magic begins here...".  Compare {voodoo programming}.
%%
:deep space: n. 1. Describes the notional location of any program
   that has gone {off the trolley}.  Esp. used of programs that
   just sit there silently grinding long after either failure or some
   output is expected.  "Uh oh.  I should have gotten a prompt ten
   seconds ago.  The program's in deep space somewhere." Compare
   {buzz}, {catatonic}, {hyperspace}.  2. The metaphorical
   location of a human so dazed and/or confused or caught up in some
   esoteric form of {bogosity} that he or she no longer responds
   coherently to normal communication.  Compare {page out}.
%%
:defenestration: [from the traditional Czechoslovak method of
   assassinating prime ministers, via SF fandom] n. 1. Proper karmic
   retribution for an incorrigible punster.  "Oh, ghod, that was
   *awful*!"  "Quick! Defenestrate him!"  2. The act of
   exiting a window system in order to get better response time from a
   full-screen program.  This comes from the dictionary meaning of
   `defenestrate', which is to throw something out a window.  3. The
   act of discarding something under the assumption that it will
   improve matters.  "I don't have any disk space left."  "Well,
   why don't you defenestrate that 100 megs worth of old core dumps?"
   4. [proposed] The requirement to support a command-line interface.
   "It has to run on a VT100."  "Curses!  I've been
   defenestrated!"
%%
:defined as: adj. In the role of, usually in an organization-chart
   sense.  "Pete is currently defined as bug prioritizer."  Compare
   {logical}.
%%
:dehose: /dee-hohz/ vt. To clear a {hosed} condition.
%%
:delint: /dee-lint/ v. To modify code to remove problems detected
   when {lint}ing.  Confusingly, this is also referred to as
   `linting' code.
%%
:delta: n. 1. [techspeak] A quantitative change, especially a small
   or incremental one (this use is general in physics and
   engineering).  "I just doubled the speed of my program!"  "What
   was the delta on program size?"  "About 30 percent."  (He
   doubled the speed of his program, but increased its size by only 30
   percent.)  2. [UNIX] A {diff}, especially a {diff} stored
   under the set of version-control tools called SCCS (Source Code
   Control System) or RCS (Revision Control System).  3. n. A small
   quantity, but not as small as {epsilon}.  The jargon usage of
   {delta} and {epsilon} stems from the traditional use of these
   letters in mathematics for very small numerical quantities,
   particularly in `epsilon-delta' proofs in limit theory (as in the
   differential calculus).  The term {delta} is often used, once
   {epsilon} has been mentioned, to mean a quantity that is
   slightly bigger than {epsilon} but still very small.  "The cost
   isn't epsilon, but it's delta" means that the cost isn't totally
   negligible, but it is nevertheless very small.  Common
   constructions include `within delta of ---', `within epsilon of
   ---': that is, close to and even closer to.
%%
:demented: adj. Yet another term of disgust used to describe a
   program.  The connotation in this case is that the program works as
   designed, but the design is bad.  Said, for example, of a program
   that generates large numbers of meaningless error messages,
   implying that it is on the brink of imminent collapse.  Compare
   {wonky}, {bozotic}.
%%
:demigod: n. A hacker with years of experience, a national reputation,
   and a major role in the development of at least one design, tool,
   or game used by or known to more than half of the hacker community.
   To qualify as a genuine demigod, the person must recognizably
   identify with the hacker community and have helped shape it.  Major
   demigods include Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie (co-inventors of
   {{UNIX}} and {C}) and Richard M. Stallman (inventor of
   {EMACS}).  In their hearts of hearts, most hackers dream of
   someday becoming demigods themselves, and more than one major
   software project has been driven to completion by the author's
   veiled hopes of apotheosis.  See also {net.god}, {true-hacker}.
%%
:demo: /de'moh/ [short for `demonstration'] 1. v. To
   demonstrate a product or prototype.  A far more effective way of
   inducing bugs to manifest than any number of {test} runs,
   especially when important people are watching.  2. n. The act of
   demoing.  3. n.  Esp. as `demo version', can refer to either a
   special version of a program (frequently with some features
   crippled) which is distributed at little or no cost to the user for
   demonstration purposes.
%%
:demo mode: [Sun] n. 1. The state of being {heads down} in order
   to finish code in time for a {demo}, usually due yesterday.
   2. A mode in which video games sit there by themselves running
   through a portion of the game, also known as `attract mode'.
   Some serious {app}s have a demo mode they use as a screen saver,
   or may go through a demo mode on startup (for example, the
   Microsoft Windows opening screen --- which lets you impress your
   neighbors without actually having to put up with {Microsloth
   Windows}).
%%
:demon: n. 1. [MIT] A portion of a program that is not invoked
   explicitly, but that lies dormant waiting for some condition(s) to
   occur.  See {daemon}.  The distinction is that demons are
   usually processes within a program, while daemons are usually
   programs running on an operating system.  Demons are particularly
   common in AI programs.  For example, a knowledge-manipulation
   program might implement inference rules as demons.  Whenever a new
   piece of knowledge was added, various demons would activate (which
   demons depends on the particular piece of data) and would create
   additional pieces of knowledge by applying their respective
   inference rules to the original piece.  These new pieces could in
   turn activate more demons as the inferences filtered down through
   chains of logic.  Meanwhile, the main program could continue with
   whatever its primary task was.  2. [outside MIT] Often used
   equivalently to {daemon} --- especially in the {{UNIX}} world,
   where the latter spelling and pronunciation is considered mildly
   archaic.
%%
:depeditate: /dee-ped'*-tayt/ [by (faulty) analogy with
   `decapitate'] vt.  Humorously, to cut off the feet of.  When one is
   using some computer-aided typesetting tools, careless placement of
   text blocks within a page or above a rule can result in chopped-off
   letter descenders.  Such letters are said to have been depeditated.
%%
:deprecated: adj. Said of a program or feature that is considered
   obsolescent and in the process of being phased out, usually in
   favor of a specified replacement.  Deprecated features can,
   unfortunately, linger on for many years.  This term appears with
   distressing frequency in standards documents when the committees
   which write them decide that a sufficient number of users have
   written code which depends on specific features which are out of
   favor.
%%
:deserves to lose: adj. Said of someone who willfully does the
   {Wrong Thing}; humorously, if one uses a feature known to be
   {marginal}.  What is meant is that one deserves the consequences
   of one's {losing} actions.  "Boy, anyone who tries to use
   {mess-dos} deserves to {lose}!" ({{ITS}} fans used to say this
   of {{UNIX}}; many still do.)  See also {screw}, {chomp},
   {bagbiter}.
%%
:desk check: n.,v. To {grovel} over hardcopy of source code,
   mentally simulating the control flow; a method of catching bugs.
   No longer common practice in this age of on-screen editing, fast
   compiles, and sophisticated debuggers --- though some maintain
   stoutly that it ought to be.  Compare {eyeball search},
   {vdiff}, {vgrep}.
%%
:Devil Book: n. `The Design and Implementation of the 4.3BSD
   UNIX Operating System', by Samuel J. Leffler, Marshall Kirk
   McKusick, Michael J. Karels, and John S. Quarterman (Addison-Wesley
   Publishers, 1989) --- the standard reference book on the internals
   of {BSD} UNIX.  So called because the cover has a picture
   depicting a little devil (a visual play on {daemon}) in
   sneakers, holding a pitchfork (referring to one of the
   characteristic features of UNIX, the `fork(2)' system call).
%%
:devo: /dee'voh/ [orig. in-house jargon at Symbolics] n. A person in a
   development group.  See also {doco} and {mango}.
%%
:dickless workstation: n. Extremely pejorative hackerism for
   `diskless workstation', a class of botches including the Sun 3/50
   and other machines designed exclusively to network with an
   expensive central disk server.  These combine all the disadvantages
   of time-sharing with all the disadvantages of distributed personal
   computers; typically, they cannot even {boot} themselves without
   help (in the form of some kind of {breath-of-life packet}) from
   the server.
%%
:dictionary flame: [USENET] n. An attempt to sidetrack a debate
   away from issues by insisting on meanings for key terms that
   presuppose a desired conclusion or smuggle in an implicit premise.
   A common tactic of people who prefer argument over definitions to
   disputes about reality.
%%
:diddle: 1. vt. To work with or modify in a not particularly
   serious manner.  "I diddled a copy of {ADVENT} so it didn't
   double-space all the time."  "Let's diddle this piece of code and
   see if the problem goes away."  See {tweak} and {twiddle}.
   2. n. The action or result of diddling.  See also {tweak},
   {twiddle}, {frob}.
%%
:die: v. Syn. {crash}.  Unlike {crash}, which is used
   primarily of hardware, this verb is used of both hardware and
   software.  See also {go flatline}, {casters-up mode}.
%%
:die horribly: v. The software equivalent of {crash and burn},
   and the preferred emphatic form of {die}.  "The converter
   choked on an FF in its input and died horribly".
%%
:diff: /dif/ n. 1. A change listing, especially giving differences
   between (and additions to) source code or documents (the term is
   often used in the plural `diffs').  "Send me your diffs for the
   Jargon File!"  Compare {vdiff}.  2. Specifically, such a listing
   produced by the `diff(1)' command, esp. when used as
   specification input to the `patch(1)' utility (which can
   actually perform the modifications; see {patch}).  This is a
   common method of distributing patches and source updates in the
   UNIX/C world.  See also {vdiff}, {mod}.
%%
:digit: n. An employee of Digital Equipment Corporation.  See also
   {VAX}, {VMS}, {PDP-10}, {{TOPS-10}}, {DEChead}, {double
   DECkers}, {field circus}.
%%
:dike: vt. To remove or disable a portion of something, as a wire
   from a computer or a subroutine from a program.  A standard slogan
   is "When in doubt, dike it out".  (The implication is that it is
   usually more effective to attack software problems by reducing
   complexity than by increasing it.)  The word `dikes' is widely
   used among mechanics and engineers to mean `diagonal cutters',
   esp.  a heavy-duty metal-cutting device, but may also refer to a
   kind of wire-cutters used by electronics techs.  To `dike
   something out' means to use such cutters to remove something.
   Indeed, the TMRC Dictionary defined dike as "to attack with
   dikes".  Among hackers this term has been metaphorically extended
   to informational objects such as sections of code.
%%
:ding: n.,vi. 1. Synonym for {feep}.  Usage: rare among hackers,
   but commoner in the {Real World}.  2. `dinged': What happens
   when someone in authority gives you a minor bitching about
   something, esp. something trivial.  "I was dinged for having a
   messy desk."
%%
:dink: /dink/ n. Said of a machine that has the {bitty box}
   nature; a machine too small to be worth bothering with ---
   sometimes the system you're currently forced to work on.  First
   heard from an MIT hacker working on a CP/M system with 64K, in
   reference to any 6502 system, then from fans of 32-bit
   architectures about 16-bit machines.  "GNUMACS will never work on
   that dink machine."  Probably derived from mainstream `dinky',
   which isn't sufficiently pejorative.
%%
:dinosaur: n. 1. Any hardware requiring raised flooring and special
   power.  Used especially of old minis and mainframes, in contrast
   with newer microprocessor-based machines.  In a famous quote from
   the 1988 UNIX EXPO, Bill Joy compared the mainframe in the massive
   IBM display with a grazing dinosaur "with a truck outside pumping
   its bodily fluids through it".  IBM was not amused.  Compare
   {big iron}; see also {mainframe}.  2. [IBM] A very conservative
   user; a {zipperhead}.
%%
:dinosaur pen: n. A traditional {mainframe} computer room complete with
   raised flooring, special power, its own ultra-heavy-duty air
   conditioning, and a side order of Halon fire extinguishers.  See
   {boa}.
%%
:dinosaurs mating: n. Said to occur when yet another {big iron}
   merger or buyout occurs; reflects a perception by hackers that
   these signal another stage in the long, slow dying of the
   {mainframe} industry.  In its glory days of the 1960s, it was
   `IBM and the Seven Dwarves': Burroughs, Control Data, General
   Electric, Honeywell, NCR, RCA, and Univac.  RCA and GE sold out
   early, and it was `IBM and the Bunch' (Burroughs, Univac, NCR,
   Control Data, and Honeywell) for a while.  Honeywell was bought out
   by Bull; Burroughs merged with Univac to form Unisys (in 1984 ---
   this was when the phrase `dinosaurs mating' was coined); and as
   this is written (early 1991) AT&T is attempting to recover from a
   disastrously bad first six years in the hardware industry by
   absorbing NCR.  More such earth-shaking unions of doomed giants
   seem inevitable.
%%
:dirtball: [XEROX PARC] n.  A small, perhaps struggling outsider;
   not in the major or even the minor leagues.  For example, "Xerox
   is not a dirtball company".

   [Outsiders often observe in the PARC culture an institutional
   arrogance which usage of this term exemplifies.  The brilliance and
   scope of PARC's contributions to computer science have been such
   that this superior attitude is not much resented.  --- ESR]
%%
:dirty power: n. Electrical mains voltage that is unfriendly to
   the delicate innards of computers.  Spikes, {drop-outs}, average
   voltage significantly higher or lower than nominal, or just plain
   noise can all cause problems of varying subtlety and severity
   (these are collectively known as {power hit}s).
%%
:disclaimer: n. [USENET] n. Statement ritually appended to many USENET
   postings (sometimes automatically, by the posting software) reiterating
   the fact (which should be obvious, but is easily forgotten) that the
   article reflects its author's opinions and not necessarily those of
   the organization running the machine through which the article
   entered the network.
%%
:Discordianism: /dis-kor'di-*n-ism/ n. The veneration of
   {Eris}, a.k.a. Discordia; widely popular among hackers.
   Discordianism was popularized by Robert Shea and Robert Anton
   Wilson's `{Illuminatus!}' trilogy as a sort of
   self-subverting Dada-Zen for Westerners --- it should on no account
   be taken seriously but is far more serious than most jokes.
   Consider, for example, the Fifth Commandment of the Pentabarf, from
   `Principia Discordia': "A Discordian is Prohibited of
   Believing What he Reads."  Discordianism is usually connected with
   an elaborate conspiracy theory/joke involving millennia-long
   warfare between the anarcho-surrealist partisans of Eris and a
   malevolent, authoritarian secret society called the Illuminati.
   See {Religion} under {appendix B}, {Church of the
   SubGenius}, and {ha ha only serious}.
%%
:disk farm: n. (also {laundromat}) A large room or rooms filled
   with disk drives (esp. {washing machine}s).
%%
:display hack: n. A program with the same approximate purpose as a
   kaleidoscope: to make pretty pictures.  Famous display hacks
   include {munching squares}, {smoking clover}, the BSD UNIX
   `rain(6)' program, `worms(6)' on miscellaneous UNIXes,
   and the {X} `kaleid(1)' program.  Display hacks can also be
   implemented without programming by creating text files containing
   numerous escape sequences for interpretation by a video terminal;
   one notable example displayed, on any VT100, a Christmas tree with
   twinkling lights and a toy train circling its base.  The {hack
   value} of a display hack is proportional to the esthetic value of
   the images times the cleverness of the algorithm divided by the
   size of the code.  Syn. {psychedelicware}.
%%
:Dissociated Press: [play on `Associated Press'; perhaps inspired by a 
   reference in the 1949 Bugs Bunny cartoon "What's Up, Doc?"] n. An algorithm
   for transforming any text into potentially humorous garbage even more
   efficiently than by passing it through a {marketroid}. You start by printing
   any N consecutive words (or letters) in the text. Then at every step you
   search for any random occurrence in the original text of the last N words
   (or letters) already printed and then print the next word or letter. {EMACS}
   has a handy command for this. Here is a short example of word-based
   Dissociated Press applied to an earlier version of this Jargon File:

     wart: n. A small, crocky {feature} that sticks out of
     an array (C has no checks for this).  This is relatively
     benign and easy to spot if the phrase is bent so as to be
     not worth paying attention to the medium in question.

   Here is a short example of letter-based Dissociated Press applied
   to the same source:

     window sysIWYG: n. A bit was named aften /bee't*/ prefer
     to use the other guy's re, especially in every cast a
     chuckle on neithout getting into useful informash speech
     makes removing a featuring a move or usage actual
     abstractionsidered interj. Indeed spectace logic or problem!

   A hackish idle pastime is to apply letter-based Dissociated Press to a 
   random body of text and {vgrep} the output in hopes of finding an 
   interesting new word. (In the preceding example, `window sysIWYG' and
   `informash' show some promise.) Iterated applications of Dissociated Press
   usually yield better results. Similar techniques called `travesty 
   generators' have been employed with considerable satirical effect to the
   utterances of USENET flamers; see {pseudo}.
%%
:distribution: n. 1. A software source tree packaged for
   distribution; but see {kit}.  2. A vague term encompassing
   mailing lists and USENET newsgroups (but not {BBS} {fora}); any
   topic-oriented message channel with multiple recipients.  3. An
   information-space domain (usually loosely correlated with
   geography) to which propagation of a USENET message is restricted;
   a much-underutilized feature.
%%
:do protocol: [from network protocol programming] vi. To perform an
   interaction with somebody or something that follows a clearly
   defined procedure.  For example, "Let's do protocol with the
   check" at a restaurant means to ask for the check, calculate the
   tip and everybody's share, collect money from everybody, generate
   change as necessary, and pay the bill.  See {protocol}.
%%
:doc: /dok/ n. Common spoken and written shorthand for
   `documentation'.  Often used in the plural `docs' and in the
   construction `doc file' (documentation available on-line).
%%
:doco: /do'koh/ [orig. in-house jargon at Symbolics] n. A
   documentation writer.  See also {devo} and {mango}.
%%
:documentation:: n. The multiple kilograms of macerated, pounded,
   steamed, bleached, and pressed trees that accompany most modern
   software or hardware products (see also {tree-killer}).  Hackers
   seldom read paper documentation and (too) often resist writing it;
   they prefer theirs to be terse and on-line.  A common comment on
   this is "You can't {grep} dead trees".  See {drool-proof
   paper}, {verbiage}.
%%
:dodgy: adj. Syn. with {flaky}.  Preferred outside the U.S.
%%
:dogwash: /dog'wosh/ [From a quip in the `urgency' field of a very
   optional software change request, ca. 1982.  It was something like
   "Urgency: Wash your dog first".] 1. n. A project of minimal
   priority, undertaken as an escape from more serious work.  2. v.
   To engage in such a project.  Many games and much {freeware} get
   written this way.
%%
:domainist: /doh-mayn'ist/ adj. 1. Said of an {{Internet
   address}} (as opposed to a {bang path}) because the part to the
   right of the `@' specifies a nested series of `domains';
   for example, eric@snark.thyrsus.com specifies the machine
   called snark in the subdomain called thyrsus within the
   top-level domain called com.  See also {big-endian}, sense 2.
   2. Said of a site, mailer, or routing program which knows how to
   handle domainist addresses.  3. Said of a person (esp. a site
   admin) who prefers domain addressing, supports a domainist mailer,
   or prosyletizes for domainist addressing and disdains {bang
   path}s.  This is now (1991) semi-obsolete, as most sites have
   converted.
%%
:Don't do that, then!: [from an old doctor's office joke about a
   patient with a trivial complaint] Stock response to a user
   complaint.  "When I type control-S, the whole system comes to a
   halt for thirty seconds."  "Don't do that, then!" (or "So don't
   do that!").  Compare {RTFM}.
%%
:dongle: /dong'gl/ n. 1. A security or {copy protection} device for commercial
   microcomputer programs consisting of a serialized EPROM and some drivers in
   a D-25 connector shell, which must be connected to an I/O port of the 
   computer while the program is run. Programs that use a dongle query the port
   at startup and at programmed intervals thereafter, and terminate if it does
   not respond with the dongle's programmed validation code. Thus, users can
   make as many copies of the program as they want but must pay for each 
   dongle. The idea was clever, but it was initially a failure, as users 
   disliked tying up a serial port this way. Most dongles on the market today
   (1991) will pass data through the port and monitor for {magic} codes (and
   combinations of status lines) with minimal if any interference with devices
   further down the line --- this innovation was necessary to allow 
   daisy-chained dongles for multiple pieces of software. The devices are still
   not widely used, as the industry has moved away from copy-protection schemes
   in general. 2. By extension, any physical electronic key or transferrable ID
   required for a program to function.  See {dongle-disk}.
%%
:dongle-disk: /don'gl disk/ n. See {dongle}; a `dongle-disk'
   is a floppy disk which is required in order to perform some task.
   Some contain special coding that allows an application to identify
   it uniquely, others *are* special code that does something
   that normally-resident programs don't or can't.  (For example,
   AT&T's "Unix PC" would only come up in {root mode} with a
   special boot disk.)  Also called a `key disk'.
%%
:donuts: n.obs. A collective noun for any set of memory bits.  This
   is extremely archaic and may no longer be live jargon; it dates
   from the days of ferrite-{core} memories in which each bit was
   implemented by a doughnut-shaped magnetic flip-flop.
%%
:doorstop: n. Used to describe equipment that is non-functional and
   halfway expected to remain so, especially obsolete equipment kept
   around for political reasons or ostensibly as a backup.  "When we
   get another Wyse-50 in here, that ADM 3 will turn into a doorstop."
   Compare {boat anchor}.
%%
:dot file: [UNIX] n. A file which is not visible by default to
   normal directory-browsing tools (on UNIX, files named with a
   leading dot are, by convention, not normally presented in directory
   listings).  Many programs define one or more dot files in which
   startup or configuration information may be optionally recorded; a
   user can customize the program's behavior by creating the
   appropriate file in the current or home directory.  (Therefore, dot
   files tend to {creep} --- with every nontrivial application
   program defining at least one, a user's home directory can be
   filled with scores of dot files, of course without the user's
   really being aware of it.)  See also {rc file}.
%%
:double DECkers: n. Used to describe married couples in which both
   partners work for Digital Equipment Corporation.
%%
:doubled sig: [USENET] n. A {sig block} that has been included
   twice in a {USENET} article or, less commonly, in an electronic
   mail message.  An article or message with a doubled sig can be
   caused by improperly configured software.  More often, however, it
   reveals the author's lack of experience in electronic
   communication.  See {BIFF}, {pseudo}.
%%
:down: 1. adj. Not operating.  "The up escalator is down" is
   considered a humorous thing to say, and "The elevator is down"
   always means "The elevator isn't working" and never refers to
   what floor the elevator is on.  With respect to computers, this
   usage has passed into the mainstream; the extension to other kinds
   of machine is still hackish.  2. `go down' vi. To stop
   functioning; usually said of the {system}.  The message from the
   {console} that every hacker hates to hear from the operator is
   "The system will go down in 5 minutes".  3. `take down',
   `bring down' vt. To deactivate purposely, usually for repair work
   or {PM}.  "I'm taking the system down to work on that bug in the
   tape drive."  Occasionally one hears the word `down' by itself
   used as a verb in this vt. sense.  See {crash}; oppose {up}.
%%
:download: vt. To transfer data or (esp.) code from a larger `host'
   system (esp. a {mainframe}) over a digital comm link to a smaller
   `client' system, esp. a microcomputer or specialized peripheral.
   Oppose {upload}.

   However, note that ground-to-space communications has its own usage
   rule for this term.  Space-to-earth transmission is always download
   and the reverse upload regardless of the relative size of the
   computers involved.  So far the in-space machines have invariably
   been smaller; thus the upload/download distinction has been
   reversed from its usual sense.
%%
:DP: /D-P/ n. 1. Data Processing.  Listed here because,
   according to hackers, use of the term marks one immediately as a
   {suit}.  See {DPer}.  2. Common abbrev for {Dissociated
   Press}.
%%
:DPB: /d*-pib'/ [from the PDP-10 instruction set] vt. To plop
   something down in the middle.  Usage: silly.  "DPB
   yourself into that couch there."  The connotation would be that
   the couch is full except for one slot just big enough for you to
   sit in.  DPB means `DePosit Byte', and was the name of a PDP-10
   instruction that inserts some bits into the middle of some other
   bits.  This usage has been kept alive by the Common LISP function
   of the same name.
%%
:DPer: /dee-pee-er/ n. Data Processor.  Hackers are absolutely
   amazed that {suit}s use this term self-referentially.
   "*Computers* process data, not people!"  See {DP}.
%%
:dragon: n. [MIT] A program similar to a {daemon}, except that
   it is not invoked at all, but is instead used by the system to
   perform various secondary tasks.  A typical example would be an
   accounting program, which keeps track of who is logged in,
   accumulates load-average statistics, etc.  Under ITS, many
   terminals displayed a list of people logged in, where they were,
   what they were running, etc., along with some random picture (such
   as a unicorn, Snoopy, or the Enterprise), which was generated by
   the `name dragon'.  Usage: rare outside MIT --- under UNIX and most
   other OSes this would be called a `background demon' or
   {daemon}.  The best-known UNIX example of a dragon is
   `cron(1)'.  At SAIL, they called this sort of thing a
   `phantom'.
%%
:Dragon Book: n. The classic text `Compilers: Principles,
   Techniques and Tools', by Alfred V. Aho, Ravi Sethi, and Jeffrey D.
   Ullman (Addison-Wesley 1986; ISBN 0-201-10088-6), so called because
   of the cover design featuring a dragon labeled `complexity of
   compiler design' and a knight bearing the lance `LALR parser
   generator' among his other trappings.  This one is more
   specifically known as the `Red Dragon Book' (1986); an earlier
   edition, sans Sethi and titled `Principles Of Compiler Design'
   (Alfred V. Aho and Jeffrey D. Ullman; Addison-Wesley, 1977; ISBN
   0-201-00022-9), was the `Green Dragon Book' (1977).  (Also `New
   Dragon Book', `Old Dragon Book'.)  The horsed knight and the
   Green Dragon were warily eying each other at a distance; now the
   knight is typing (wearing gauntlets!) at a terminal showing a
   video-game representation of the Red Dragon's head while the rest
   of the beast extends back in normal space.  See also {{book
   titles}}.
%%
:drain: [IBM] v. Syn. for {flush} (sense 2).  Has a connotation
   of finality about it; one speaks of draining a device before taking
   it offline.
%%
:dread high-bit disease: n. A condition endemic to PRIME (a.k.a.
   PR1ME) minicomputers that results in all the characters having
   their high (0x80) bit ON rather than OFF.  This of course makes
   transporting files to other systems much more difficult, not to
   mention talking to true 8-bit devices.  Folklore had it that PRIME
   adopted the reversed-8-bit convention in order to save 25 cents per
   serial line per machine; PRIME old-timers, on the other hand, claim
   they inherited the disease from Honeywell via customer NASA's
   compatibility requirements and struggled manfully to cure it.
   Whoever was responsible, this probably qualifies as one of the
   most {cretinous} design tradeoffs ever made.  See {meta bit}.
   A few other machines have exhibited similar brain damage.
%%
:DRECNET: /drek'net/ [from Yiddish/German `dreck', meaning
   dirt] n. Deliberate distortion of DECNET, a networking protocol
   used in the {VMS} community.  So called because DEC helped write
   the Ethernet specification and then (either stupidly or as a
   malignant customer-control tactic) violated that spec in the design
   of DRECNET in a way that made it incompatible.  See also
   {connector conspiracy}.
%%
:driver: n. 1. The {main loop} of an event-processing program;
   the code that gets commands and dispatches them for execution.
   2. [techspeak] In `device driver', code designed to handle a
   particular peripheral device such as a magnetic disk or tape unit.
   3. In the TeX world and the computerized typesetting world in
   general, `driver' also means a program that translates some
   device-independent or other common format to something a real
   device can actually understand.
%%
:droid: n. A person (esp. a low-level bureaucrat or
   service-business employee) exhibiting most of the following
   characteristics: (a) na"ive trust in the wisdom of the parent
   organization or `the system'; (b) a propensity to believe
   obvious nonsense emitted by authority figures (or computers!);
   blind faith; (c) a rule-governed mentality, one unwilling or unable
   to look beyond the `letter of the law' in exceptional
   situations; and (d) no interest in fixing that which is broken; an
   "It's not my job, man" attitude.

   Typical droid positions include supermarket checkout assistant and
   bank clerk; the syndrome is also endemic in low-level government
   employees.  The implication is that the rules and official
   procedures constitute software that the droid is executing.  This
   becomes a problem when the software has not been properly debugged.
   The term `droid mentality' is also used to describe the mindset
   behind this behavior. Compare {suit}, {marketroid}; see
   {-oid}.
%%
:drool-proof paper: n. Documentation that has been obsessively {dumbed
   down}, to the point where only a {cretin} could bear to read it, is
   said to have succumbed to the `drool-proof paper syndrome' or to
   have been `written on drool-proof paper'.  For example, this is
   an actual quote from Apple's LaserWriter manual: "Do not expose
   your LaserWriter to open fire or flame."
%%
:drop on the floor: vt. To react to an error condition by silently
   discarding messages or other valuable data.  "The gateway
   ran out of memory, so it just started dropping packets on the
   floor."  Also frequently used of faulty mail and netnews relay
   sites that lose messages.  See also {black hole}, {bit bucket}.
%%
:drop-ins: [prob. by analogy with {drop-outs}] n. Spurious
   characters appearing on a terminal or console as a result of line
   noise or a system malfunction of some sort.  Esp. used when these
   are interspersed with one's own typed input.  Compare
   {drop-outs}.
%%
:drop-outs: n. 1. A variety of `power glitch' (see {glitch});
   momentary 0 voltage on the electrical mains.  2. Missing characters
   in typed input due to software malfunction or system saturation
   (this can happen under UNIX when a bad connection to a modem swamps
   the processor with spurious character interrupts).  3. Mental
   glitches; used as a way of describing those occasions when the mind
   just seems to shut down for a couple of beats.  See {glitch},
   {fried}.
%%
:drugged: adj. (also `on drugs') 1. Conspicuously stupid,
   heading toward {brain-damaged}.  Often accompanied by a
   pantomime of toking a joint (but see {appendix B}).  2. Of hardware,
   very slow relative to normal performance.
%%
:drum: adj,n.  Ancient techspeak term referring to slow,
   cylindrical magnetic media which were once state-of-the-art
   mass-storage devices.  Under BSD UNIX the disk partition used for
   swapping is still called `/dev/drum'; this has led to
   considerable humor and not a few straight-faced but utterly bogus
   `explanations' getting foisted on {newbie}s.  See also "{The
   Story of Mel, a Real Programmer}" in {appendix A}.
%%
:drunk mouse syndrome: (also `mouse on drugs') n. A malady
   exhibited by the mouse pointing device of some computers.  The
   typical symptom is for the mouse cursor on the screen to move in
   random directions and not in sync with the motion of the actual
   mouse.  Can usually be corrected by unplugging the mouse and
   plugging it back again.  Another recommended fix for optical mice
   is to rotate your mouse pad 90 degrees.

   At Xerox PARC in the 1970s, most people kept a can of copier
   cleaner (isopropyl alcohol) at their desks.  When the steel ball on
   the mouse had picked up enough {cruft} to be unreliable, the
   mouse was doused in cleaner, which restored it for a while.
   However, this operation left a fine residue that accelerated the
   accumulation of cruft, so the dousings became more and more
   frequent.  Finally, the mouse was declared `alcoholic' and sent
   to the clinic to be dried out in a CFC ultrasonic bath.
%%
:Duff's device: n. The most dramatic use yet seen of {fall
   through} in C, invented by Tom Duff when he was at Lucasfilm.
   Trying to {bum} all the instructions he could out of an inner
   loop that copied data serially onto an output port, he decided to
   {unroll} it.  He then realized that the unrolled version could
   be implemented by *interlacing* the structures of a switch and
   a loop:

        register n = (count + 7) / 8;       /* count > 0 assumed */

        switch (count % 8)
        {
        case 0: do {    *to = *from++;
        case 7:         *to = *from++;
        case 6:         *to = *from++;
        case 5:         *to = *from++;
        case 4:         *to = *from++;
        case 3:         *to = *from++;
        case 2:         *to = *from++;
        case 1:         *to = *from++;
             } while (--n > 0);
        }

   Having verified that the device is valid portable C, Duff announced
   it.  C's default {fall through} in case statements has long been
   its most controversial single feature; Duff observed that "This
   code forms some sort of argument in that debate, but I'm not sure
   whether it's for or against."
%%
:dumb terminal: n. A terminal which is one step above a {glass tty},
   having a minimally-addressable cursor but no on-screen editing or
   other features which are claimed by a {smart terminal}.  Once upon a
   time, when glass ttys were common and addressable cursors were
   something special, what is now called a dumb terminal could pass for
   a smart terminal.
%%
:dumbass attack: /duhm'as *-tak'/ [Purdue] n. Notional cause of a
   novice's mistake made by the experienced, especially one made while
   running as {root} under UNIX, e.g., typing `rm -r *' or
   `mkfs' on a mounted file system.  Compare {adger}.
%%
:dumbed down: adj. Simplified, with a strong connotation of
   *over*simplified.  Often, a {marketroid} will insist that
   the interfaces and documentation of software be dumbed down after
   the designer has burned untold gallons of midnight oil making it
   smart.  This creates friction.  See {user-friendly}.
%%
:dump: n. 1. An undigested and voluminous mass of information about
   a problem or the state of a system, especially one routed to the
   slowest available output device (compare {core dump}), and most
   especially one consisting of hex or octal {runes} describing the
   byte-by-byte state of memory, mass storage, or some file.  In
   {elder days}, debugging was generally done by `groveling over'
   a dump (see {grovel}); increasing use of high-level languages
   and interactive debuggers has made this uncommon, and the term
   `dump' now has a faintly archaic flavor.  2. A backup.  This
   usage is typical only at large timesharing installations.
%%
:dumpster diving: /dump'-ster di:'-ving/ n. 1. The practice of
   sifting refuse from an office or technical installation to extract
   confidential data, especially security-compromising information
   (`dumpster' is an Americanism for what is elsewhere called a
   `skip').  Back in AT&T's monopoly days, before paper shredders
   became common office equipment, phone phreaks (see {phreaking})
   used to organize regular dumpster runs against phone company plants
   and offices.  Discarded and damaged copies of AT&T internal manuals
   taught them much.  The technique is still rumored to be a favorite
   of crackers operating against careless targets.  2. The practice of
   raiding the dumpsters behind buildings where producers and/or
   consumers of high-tech equipment are located, with the expectation
   (usually justified) of finding discarded but still-valuable
   equipment to be nursed back to health in some hacker's den.
   Experienced dumpster-divers not infrequently accumulate basements
   full of moldering (but still potentially useful) {cruft}.
%%
:dup killer: /d[y]oop kill'r/ [FidoNet] n. Software that is
   supposed to detect and delete duplicates of a message that may
   have reached the FidoNet system via different routes.
%%
:dup loop: /d[y]oop loop/ (also `dupe loop') [FidoNet] n. An
   incorrectly configured system or network gateway may propagate
   duplicate messages on one or more {echo}es, with different
   identification information that renders {dup killer}s
   ineffective.  If such a duplicate message eventually reaches a
   system through which it has already passed (with the original
   identification information), all systems passed on the way back to
   that system are said to be involved in a {dup loop}.
%%
:dusty deck: n. Old software (especially applications) which one is
   obliged to remain compatible with (or to maintain).  The term
   implies that the software in question is a holdover from card-punch
   days.  Used esp. when referring to old scientific and
   {number-crunching} software, much of which was written in FORTRAN
   and very poorly documented but is believed to be too expensive to
   replace.  See {fossil}.
%%
:DWIM: /dwim/ [acronym, `Do What I Mean'] 1. adj. Able to guess, sometimes even
   correctly, the result intended when bogus input was provided. 2. n.,obs. The
   BBNLISP/INTERLISP function that attempted to accomplish this feat by 
   correcting many of the more common errors. See {hairy}. 3. Occasionally, an
   interjection hurled at a balky computer, esp. when one senses one might be
   tripping over legalisms (see {legalese}).

   Warren Teitelman originally wrote DWIM to fix his typos and spelling errors,
   so it was somewhat idiosyncratic to his style, and would often make hash of
   anyone else's typos if they were stylistically different. This led a number
   of victims of DWIM to claim the acronym stood for `Damn Warren's Infernal
   Machine!'.

   In one notorious incident, Warren added a DWIM feature to the command
   interpreter used at Xerox PARC. One day another hacker there typed `delete
   *$' to free up some disk space. (The editor there named backup files by
   appending `$' to the original file name, so he was trying to delete any
   backup files left over from old editing sessions.) It happened that there
   weren't any editor backup files, so DWIM helpfully reported `*$ not found,
   assuming you meant 'delete *'.' It then started to delete all the files on
   the disk! The hacker managed to stop it with a {Vulcan nerve pinch} after 
   only a half dozen or so files were lost.
   
   The hacker later said he had been sorely tempted to go to Warren's office,
   tie Warren down in his chair in front of his workstation, and then type
   `delete *$' twice.

   DWIM is often suggested in jest as a desired feature for a complex program;
   it is also occasionally described as the single instruction the ideal
   computer would have. Back when proofs of program correctness were in vogue,
   there were also jokes about `DWIMC' (Do What I Mean, Correctly). A related
   term, more often seen as a verb, is DTRT (Do The Right Thing); see {Right
   Thing}.
%%
:dynner: /din'r/ 32 bits, by analogy with {nybble} and
   {{byte}}.  Usage: rare and extremely silly.  See also {playte},
   {tayste}, {crumb}.
%%
:earthquake: [IBM] n. The ultimate real-world shock test for
   computer hardware.  Hackish sources at IBM deny the rumor that the
   Bay Area quake of 1989 was initiated by the company to test
   quality-assurance procedures at its California plants.
%%
:Easter egg: [from the custom of the Easter Egg hunt observed in
   the U.S. and many psparts of Europe] n. 1. A message hidden in the
   object code of a program as a joke, intended to be found by persons
   disassembling or browsing the code.  2. A message, graphic, or
   sound effect emitted by a program (or, on a PC, the BIOS ROM) in
   response to some undocumented set of commands or keystrokes,
   intended as a joke or to display program credits.  One well-known
   early Easter egg found in a couple of OSes caused them to respond
   to the command `make love' with `not war?'.  Many
   personal computers have much more elaborate eggs hidden in ROM,
   including lists of the developers' names, political exhortations,
   snatches of music, and (in one case) graphics images of the entire
   development team.
%%
:Easter egging: [IBM] n. The act of replacing unrelated parts more or
   less at random in hopes that a malfunction will go away.  Hackers
   consider this the normal operating mode of {field circus} techs and
   do not love them for it.  Compare {shotgun debugging}.
%%
:eat flaming death: imp. A construction popularized among hackers by
   the infamous {CPU Wars} comic; supposed to derive from a famously
   turgid line in a WWII-era anti-Nazi propaganda comic that ran
   "Eat flaming death, non-Aryan mongrels!" or something of the sort
   (however, it is also reported that the Firesign Theater's
   1975 album "In The Next World, You're On Your Own" included the
   phrase "Eat flaming death, fascist media pigs"; this may have been
   an influence).  Used in humorously overblown expressions of
   hostility. "Eat flaming death, {{EBCDIC}} users!"
%%
:EBCDIC:: /eb's*-dik/, /eb'see`dik/, or /eb'k*-dik/ [abbreviation,
   Extended Binary Coded Decimal Interchange Code] n. An alleged
   character set used on IBM {dinosaur}s.  It exists in at least six
   mutually incompatible versions, all featuring such delights as
   non-contiguous letter sequences and the absence of several ASCII
   punctuation characters fairly important for modern computer
   languages (exactly which characters are absent varies according to
   which version of EBCDIC you're looking at).  IBM adapted EBCDIC
   from {{punched card}} code in the early 1960s and promulgated it
   as a customer-control tactic (see {connector conspiracy}),
   spurning the already established ASCII standard.  Today, IBM claims
   to be an open-systems company, but IBM's own description of the
   EBCDIC variants and how to convert between them is still internally
   classified top-secret, burn-before-reading.  Hackers blanch at the
   very *name* of EBCDIC and consider it a manifestation of
   purest {evil}.  See also {fear and loathing}.
%%
:echo: [FidoNet] n. A {topic group} on {FidoNet}'s echomail
   system.  Compare {newsgroup}.
%%
:eighty-column mind: [IBM] n. The sort said to be possessed by
   persons for whom the transition from {punched card} to tape was
   traumatic (nobody has dared tell them about disks yet).  It is said
   that these people, including (according to an old joke) the founder
   of IBM, will be buried `face down, 9-edge first' (the 9-edge being
   the bottom of the card).  This directive is inscribed on IBM's
   1402 and 1622 card readers and is referenced in a famous bit of
   doggerel called "The Last Bug", the climactic lines of which
   are as follows:

        He died at the console
        Of hunger and thirst.
        Next day he was buried,
        Face down, 9-edge first.

   The eighty-column mind is thought by most hackers to dominate IBM's
   customer base and its thinking.  See {IBM}, {fear and
   loathing}, {card walloper}.
%%
:El Camino Bignum: /el' k*-mee'noh big'nuhm/ n. The road
   mundanely called El Camino Real, a road through the San Francisco
   peninsula that originally extended all the way down to Mexico City
   and many portions of which are still intact.  Navigation on the San
   Francisco peninsula is usually done relative to El Camino Real,
   which defines {logical} north and south even though it isn't
   really north-south many places.  El Camino Real runs right past
   Stanford University and so is familiar to hackers.

   The Spanish word `real' (which has two syllables: /ray-ahl'/)
   means `royal'; El Camino Real is `the royal road'.  In the FORTRAN
   language, a `real' quantity is a number typically precise to 7
   significant digits, and a `double precision' quantity is a larger
   floating-point number, precise to perhaps fourteen significant
   digits (other languages have similar `real' types).

   When a hacker from MIT visited Stanford in 1976, he remarked what a
   long road El Camino Real was.  Making a pun on `real', he started
   calling it `El Camino Double Precision' --- but when the hacker
   was told that the road was hundreds of miles long, he renamed it
   `El Camino Bignum', and that name has stuck.  (See {bignum}.)
%%
:elder days: n. The heroic age of hackerdom (roughly, pre-1980); the
   era of the {PDP-10}, {TECO}, {{ITS}}, and the ARPANET.  This
   term has been rather consciously adopted from J. R. R. Tolkien's
   fantasy epic `The Lord of the Rings'.  Compare {Iron Age};
   see also {elvish}.
%%
:elegant: [from mathematical usage] adj. Combining simplicity,
   power, and a certain ineffable grace of design.  Higher praise than
   `clever', `winning', or even {cuspy}.
%%
:elephantine: adj. Used of programs or systems that are both
   conspicuous {hog}s (owing perhaps to poor design founded on
   {brute force and ignorance}) and exceedingly {hairy} in source
   form.  An elephantine program may be functional and even friendly,
   but (as in the old joke about being in bed with an elephant) it's
   tough to have around all the same (and, like a pachyderm, difficult
   to maintain).  In extreme cases, hackers have been known to make
   trumpeting sounds or perform expressive proboscatory mime at the
   mention of the offending program.  Usage: semi-humorous.  Compare
   `has the elephant nature' and the somewhat more pejorative
   {monstrosity}.  See also {second-system effect} and
   {baroque}.
%%
:elevator controller: n. Another archetypal dumb embedded-systems
   application, like {toaster} (which superseded it).  During one
   period (1983--84) in the deliberations of ANSI X3J11 (the
   C standardization committee) this was the canonical example of a
   really stupid, memory-limited computation environment.  "You can't
   require `printf(3)' to be part of the default runtime library
   --- what if you're targeting an elevator controller?"  Elevator
   controllers became important rhetorical weapons on both sides of
   several {holy wars}.
%%
:ELIZA effect: /*-li:'z* *-fekt'/ [AI community] n. The tendency of 
   humans to attach associations to terms from prior experience.
   For example, there is nothing magic about the symbol `+' that 
   makes it well-suited to indicate addition; it's just that people
   associate it with addition.  Using `+' or `plus' to mean addition
   in a computer language is taking advantage of the ELIZA effect.

   This term comes from the famous ELIZA program by Joseph Weizenbaum,
   which simulated a Rogerian psychoanalyst by rephrasing many of the
   patient's statements as questions and posing them to the patient.
   It worked by simple pattern recognition and substitution of key
   words into canned phrases.  It was so convincing, however, that
   there are many anecdotes about people becoming very emotionally
   caught up in dealing with ELIZA.  All this was due to people's
   tendency to attach to words meanings which the computer never put
   there.  The ELIZA effect is a {Good Thing} when writing a
   programming language, but it can blind you to serious shortcomings
   when analyzing an Artificial Intelligence system.  Compare
   {ad-hockery}; see also {AI-complete}.
%%
:elvish: n. 1. The Tengwar of Feanor, a table of letterforms
   resembling the beautiful Celtic half-uncial hand of the `Book
   of Kells'.  Invented and described by J. R. R. Tolkien
   in `The Lord of The Rings' as an orthography for his fictional
   `elvish' languages, this system (which is both visually and
   phonetically elegant) has long fascinated hackers (who tend to be
   interested by artificial languages in general).  It is traditional
   for graphics printers, plotters, window systems, and the like to
   support a Feanorian typeface as one of their demo items.  See also
   {elder days}.  2. By extension, any odd or unreadable typeface
   produced by a graphics device.  3. The typeface mundanely called
   `B"ocklin', an art-decoish display font.
%%
:EMACS: /ee'maks/ [from Editing MACroS] n. The ne plus ultra of
   hacker editors, a programmable text editor with an entire LISP
   system inside it.  It was originally written by Richard Stallman in
   {TECO} under {{ITS}} at the MIT AI lab; AI Memo 554 described
   it as "an advanced, self-documenting, customizable, extensible
   real-time display editor".  It has since been reimplemented any
   number of times, by various hackers, and versions exist which run
   under most major operating systems.  Perhaps the most widely used
   version, also written by Stallman and now called "{GNU} EMACS"
   or {GNUMACS}, runs principally under UNIX.  It includes
   facilities to run compilation subprocesses and send and receive
   mail; many hackers spend up to 80% of their {tube time} inside
   it.  Other variants include {GOSMACS}, CCA EMACS, UniPress
   EMACS, Montgomery EMACS, jove, epsilon, and MicroEMACS.

   Some EMACS versions running under window managers iconify as an
   overflowing kitchen sink, perhaps to suggest the one feature the
   editor does not (yet) include.  Indeed, some hackers find EMACS too
   heavyweight and {baroque} for their taste, and expand the name as
   `Escape Meta Alt Control Shift' to spoof its heavy reliance on
   keystrokes decorated with {bucky bits}.  Other spoof expansions
   include `Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping', `Eventually
   `malloc()'s All Computer Storage', and `EMACS Makes A Computer
   Slow' (see {{recursive acronym}}).  See also {vi}.
%%
:email: /ee'mayl/ 1. n. Electronic mail automatically passed
   through computer networks and/or via modems over common-carrier
   lines.  Contrast {snail-mail}, {paper-net}, {voice-net}.  See
   {network address}.  2. vt. To send electronic mail.

   Oddly enough, the word `emailed' is actually listed in the OED; it
   means "embossed (with a raised pattern) or arranged in a net work".
   A use from 1480 is given. The word is derived from French
   `emmailleure', network.
%%
:emoticon: /ee-moh'ti-kon/ n. An ASCII glyph used to indicate an
   emotional state in email or news.  Although originally intended
   mostly as jokes, emoticons (or some other explicit humor
   indication) are virtually required under certain circumstances in
   high-volume text-only communication forums such as USENET; the lack
   of verbal and visual cues can otherwise cause what were intended to
   be humorous, sarcastic, ironic, or otherwise non-100%-serious
   comments to be badly misinterpreted (not always even by
   {newbie}s), resulting in arguments and {flame war}s.

   Hundreds of emoticons have been proposed, but only a few are in
   common use.  These include:

     :-)
          `smiley face' (for humor, laughter, friendliness,
          occasionally sarcasm)

     :-(
          `frowney face' (for sadness, anger, or upset)

   The first two listed are by far the most frequently encountered.
   Hyphenless forms of them are common on CompuServe, GEnie, and BIX;
   see also {bixie}.  On {USENET}, `smiley' is often used as a
   generic term synonymous with {emoticon}, as well as specifically
   for the happy-face emoticon.

   It appears that the emoticon was invented by one Scott Fahlman on
   the CMU {bboard} systems around 1980.  He later wrote: "I wish I
   had saved the original post, or at least recorded the date for
   posterity, but I had no idea that I was starting something that
   would soon pollute all the world's communication channels."  [GLS
   confirms that he remembers this original posting].

   Note for the {newbie}: Overuse of the smiley is a mark of
   loserhood!  More than one per paragraph is a fairly sure sign that
   you've gone over the line.
%%
:empire: n. Any of a family of military simulations derived from a
   game written by Peter Langston many years ago.  There are five or
   six multi-player variants of varying degrees of sophistication, and
   one single-player version implemented for both UNIX and VMS; the
   latter is even available as MS-DOS freeware.  All are notoriously
   addictive.
%%
:engine: n. 1. A piece of hardware that encapsulates some function
   but can't be used without some kind of {front end}.  Today we
   have, especially, `print engine': the guts of a laser printer.
   2. An analogous piece of software; notionally, one that does a lot
   of noisy crunching, such as a `database engine'.

   The hackish senses of `engine' are actually close to its original,
   pre-Industrial-Revolution sense of a skill, clever device, or
   instrument (the word is cognate to `ingenuity').  This sense had
   not been completely eclipsed by the modern connotation of
   power-transducing machinery in Charles Babbage's time, which
   explains why he named the stored-program computer that
   he designed in 1844 the `Analytical Engine'.
%%
:English: 1. n.,obs. The source code for a program, which may be in
   any language, as opposed to the linkable or executable binary
   produced from it by a compiler.  The idea behind the term is that
   to a real hacker, a program written in his favorite programming
   language is at least as readable as English.  Usage: used mostly by
   old-time hackers, though recognizable in context.  2. The official
   name of the database language used by the Pick Operating System,
   actually a sort of crufty, brain-damaged SQL with delusions of
   grandeur.  The name permits {marketroid}s to say "Yes, and you
   can program our computers in English!" to ignorant {suit}s
   without quite running afoul of the truth-in-advertising laws.
%%
:enhancement: n. {Marketroid}-speak for a bug {fix}.  This abuse
   of language is a popular and time-tested way to turn incompetence
   into increased revenue.  A hacker being ironic would instead call
   the fix a {feature} --- or perhaps save some effort by declaring
   the bug itself to be a feature.
%%
:ENQ: /enkw/ or /enk/ [from the ASCII mnemonic ENQuire for
   0000101] An on-line convention for querying someone's availability.
   After opening a {talk mode} connection to someone apparently in
   heavy hack mode, one might type `SYN SYN ENQ?' (the SYNs
   representing notional synchronization bytes), and expect a return
   of {ACK} or {NAK} depending on whether or not the person felt
   interruptible.  Compare {ping}, {finger}, and the usage of
   `FOO?' listed under {talk mode}.
%%
:EOF: /E-O-F/ [abbreviation, `End Of File'] n. 1. [techspeak]
   Refers esp. to whatever {out-of-band} value is returned by
   C's sequential character-input functions (and their equivalents in
   other environments) when end of file has been reached.  This value
   is -1 under C libraries postdating V6 UNIX, but was
   originally 0.  2. [UNIX] The keyboard character (usually control-D,
   the ASCII EOT (End Of Transmission) character) which is mapped by
   the terminal driver into an end-of-file condition.  3. Used by
   extension in non-computer contexts when a human is doing something
   that can be modeled as a sequential read and can't go further.
   "Yeah, I looked for a list of 360 mnemonics to post as a joke, but
   I hit EOF pretty fast; all the library had was a {JCL} manual."
   See also {EOL}.
%%
:EOL: /E-O-L/ [End Of Line] n. Syn. for {newline}, derived
   perhaps from the original CDC6600 Pascal.  Now rare, but widely
   recognized and occasionally used for brevity.  Used in the
   example entry under {BNF}.  See also {EOF}.
%%
:EOU: /E-O-U/ n. The mnemonic of a mythical ASCII control
   character (End Of User) that could make an ASR-33 Teletype explode
   on receipt.  This parodied the numerous obscure delimiter and
   control characters left in ASCII from the days when it was
   associated more with wire-service teletypes than computers (e.g.,
   FS, GS, RS, US, EM, SUB, ETX, and esp. EOT).  It is worth
   remembering that ASR-33s were big, noisy mechanical beasts with a
   lot of clattering parts; the notion that one might explode was
   nowhere near as ridiculous as it might seem to someone sitting in
   front of a {tube} or flatscreen today.
%%
:epoch: [UNIX: prob. from astronomical timekeeping] n. The time
   and date corresponding to 0 in an operating system's clock and
   timestamp values.  Under most UNIX versions the epoch is 00:00:00
   GMT, January 1, 1970; under VMS, it's 00:00:00 GMT of November 17,
   1858 (base date of the U.S. Naval Observatory's ephemerides).
   System time is measured in seconds or {tick}s past the epoch.
   Weird problems may ensue when the clock wraps around (see {wrap
   around}), which is not necessarily a rare event; on systems
   counting 10 ticks per second, a signed 32-bit count of ticks is
   good only for 6.8 years.  The 1-tick-per-second clock of UNIX is
   good only until January 18, 2038, assuming at least some software
   continues to consider it signed and that word lengths don't
   increase by then.  See also {wall time}.
%%
:epsilon: [see {delta}] 1. n. A small quantity of anything.  "The
   cost is epsilon."  2. adj. Very small, negligible; less than
   {marginal}.  "We can get this feature for epsilon cost."
   3. `within epsilon of': close enough to be indistinguishable for
   all practical purposes.  This is even closer than being `within
   delta of'.  "That's not what I asked for, but it's within
   epsilon of what I wanted."  Alternatively, it may mean not close
   enough, but very little is required to get it there: "My program
   is within epsilon of working."
%%
:epsilon squared: n. A quantity even smaller than {epsilon}, as
   small in comparison to epsilon as epsilon is to something normal;
   completely negligible.  If you buy a supercomputer for a million
   dollars, the cost of the thousand-dollar terminal to go with it is
   {epsilon}, and the cost of the ten-dollar cable to connect them
   is epsilon squared.  Compare {lost in the underflow}, {lost
   in the noise}.
%%
:era, the: Syn. {epoch}.  Webster's Unabridged makes these words
   almost synonymous, but `era' usually connotes a span of time rather
   than a point in time.  The {epoch} usage is recommended.
%%
:Eric Conspiracy: n. A shadowy group of mustachioed hackers named
   Eric first pinpointed as a sinister conspiracy by an infamous
   talk.bizarre posting ca. 1986; this was doubtless influenced by the
   numerous `Eric' jokes in the Monty Python oeuvre.  There do indeed
   seem to be considerably more mustachioed Erics in hackerdom than
   the frequency of these three traits can account for unless they are
   correlated in some arcane way.  Well-known examples include Eric
   Allman (he of the `Allman style' described under {indent style})
   and Erik Fair (co-author of NNTP); your editor has heard from about
   fourteen others by email, and the organization line `Eric
   Conspiracy Secret Laboratories' now emanates regularly from more
   than one site.
%%
:Eris: /e'ris/ n. The Greek goddess of Chaos, Discord, Confusion,
   and Things You Know Not Of; her name was latinized to Discordia and
   she was worshiped by that name in Rome.  Not a very friendly deity
   in the Classical original, she was reinvented as a more benign
   personification of creative anarchy starting in 1959 by the
   adherents of {Discordianism} and has since been a semi-serious
   subject of veneration in several `fringe' cultures, including
   hackerdom.  See {Discordianism}, {Church of the SubGenius}.
%%
:erotics: /ee-ro'tiks/ n. [Helsinki University of Technology,
   Finland] n. English-language university slang for electronics.
   Often used by hackers in Helsinki, maybe because good electronics
   excites them and makes them warm.
%%
:error 33: [XEROX PARC] n. 1. Predicating one research effort upon
   the success of another.  2. Allowing your own research effort to be
   placed on the critical path of some other project (be it a research
   effort or not).
%%
:essentials: n. Things necessary to maintain a productive and secure
   hacking environment.  "A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, a
   20-megahertz 80386 box with 8 meg of core and a 300-megabyte disk
   supporting full UNIX with source and X windows and EMACS and UUCP
   via a 'blazer to a friendly Internet site, and thou."
%%
:evil: adj. As used by hackers, implies that some system, program,
   person, or institution is sufficiently maldesigned as to be not
   worth the bother of dealing with.  Unlike the adjectives in the
   {cretinous}/{losing}/{brain-damaged} series, `evil' does not
   imply incompetence or bad design, but rather a set of goals or
   design criteria fatally incompatible with the speaker's.  This is
   more an esthetic and engineering judgment than a moral one in the
   mainstream sense.  "We thought about adding a {Blue Glue}
   interface but decided it was too evil to deal with."  "{TECO}
   is neat, but it can be pretty evil if you're prone to typos."
   Often pronounced with the first syllable lengthened, as /eeee'vil/.
%%
:examining the entrails: n. The process of {grovel}ling through
   a core dump or hex image in the attempt to discover the bug that
   brought a program or system down.  The reference is to divination
   from the entrails of a sacrified animal.  Compare {runes},
   {incantation}, {black art}, {desk check}.
%%
:EXCH: /eks'ch*/ or /eksch/ vt. To exchange two things, each for the
   other; to swap places.  If you point to two people sitting down and
   say "Exch!", you are asking them to trade places.  EXCH,
   meaning EXCHange, was originally the name of a PDP-10 instruction
   that exchanged the contents of a register and a memory location.
   Many newer hackers tend to be thinking instead of the {PostScript}
   exchange operator (which is usually written in lowercase).
%%
:excl: /eks'kl/ n. Abbreviation for `exclamation point'.  See
   {bang}, {shriek}, {{ASCII}}.
%%
:EXE: /eks'ee/ or /eek'see/ or /E-X-E/ n. An executable
   binary file.  Some operating systems (notably MS-DOS, VMS, and
   TWENEX) use the extension .EXE to mark such files.  This usage is
   also occasionally found among UNIX programmers even though UNIX
   executables don't have any required suffix.
%%
:exec: /eg-zek'/ vt.,n.  1. [UNIX: from `execute'] Synonym for
   {chain}, derives from the `exec(2)' call.  2. [from
   `executive'] obs. The command interpreter for an {OS} (see
   {shell}); term esp. used around mainframes, and prob.
   derived from UNIVAC's archaic EXEC 2 and EXEC 8 operating systems.
   3. At IBM and VM/CMS shops, the equivalent of a shell command file
   (among VM/CMS users).

   The mainstream `exec' as an abbreviation for (human) executive is
   *not* used.  To a hacker, an `exec' is a always a program,
   never a person.
%%
:exercise, left as an: [from technical books] Used to complete a
   proof when one doesn't mind a {handwave}, or to avoid one
   entirely.  The complete phrase is: "The proof (or the rest) is
   left as an exercise for the reader."  This comment *has*
   occasionally been attached to unsolved research problems by authors
   possessed of either an evil sense of humor or a vast faith in the
   capabilities of their audiences.
%%
:eyeball search: n. To look for something in a mass of code or data
   with one's own native optical sensors, as opposed to using some
   sort of pattern matching software like {grep} or any other
   automated search tool.  Also called a {vgrep}; compare
   {vdiff}, {desk check}.
%%
:fab: /fab/ [from `fabricate'] v. 1. To produce chips from a
   design that may have been created by someone at another company.
   Fabbing chips based on the designs of others is the activity of a
   {silicon foundry}.  To a hacker, `fab' is practically never short
   for `fabulous'.  2. `fab line': the production system
   (lithography, diffusion, etching, etc.) for chips at a chip
   manufacturer.  Different `fab lines' are run with different
   process parameters, die sizes, or technologies, or simply to
   provide more manufacturing volume.
%%
:face time: n. Time spent interacting with somebody face-to-face (as
   opposed to via electronic links).  "Oh, yeah, I spent some face
   time with him at the last Usenix."
%%
:factor: n. See {coefficient of X}.
%%
:fall over: [IBM] vi. Yet another synonym for {crash} or {lose}.
   `Fall over hard' equates to {crash and burn}.
%%
They make a desert and call it peace.
        -- Tacitus
%%
They told me I was gullible...and I believed them!
%%
They're only trying to make me look paranoid.
%%
They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.
They'd be difficult to like.
        -- Avon
%%
Think of your family tonight.
Try to crawl home after the computer crashes.
%%
Think sideways!
        -- Edward De Bono
%%
Third Law of Hacking: the last blow counts most.
%%
This fortune cookie is property of Fortune Cookies, Inc.
%%
This is the Leprechaun Law: every purse has a price.
%%
This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside,
but to be hurled with great force.
        -- Dorothy Parker
%%
This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
        -- Hofstadter
%%
This will be a memorable month --
no matter how hard you try to forget it.
%%
Those of you who think you know everything are
very annoying to those of us who do.
%%
Those who can't write, write manuals.
%%
Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
%%
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will
make violent revolution inevitable.
        -- John F. Kennedy
%%
Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are
men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean
without the roar of its many waters.
        -- Frederick Douglass
%%
Though a program be but three lines long,
someday it will have to be maintained.
        -- The Tao of Programming
%%
Classical music is the kind that you keep thinking will turn into a tune.
%%
Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the
beholder.
%%
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the
world that just don't add up.
%%
Computers have made it possible to make a thousand mistakes every second.
%%
Consensus rules - if that's OK with you.
%%
Constipation is the thief of time.
Diarrhoea waits for no man.
%%
Contemplating suicide? Drink French polish.
Horrible death, beautiful finish.
%%
Daub yourself with honey and you'll be covered with flies.
%%
Dead people are cool.
%%
Death is hereditary.
%%
Democracy is the least satisfactory form of government, except for all the others.
%%
Democracy is too good to share with just anybody.
%%
Democracy rules 40% OK, 45% NO, 15% Don't know.
%%
Descartes thought he was here.
%%
Dieting is when the days seem longer and the meals shorter.
%%
Dignity is like a hat. Neither is much use when you're standing on it.
%%
Diplomat: an unwise thing to call "Knuckles" Lomat.
%%
Do not adjust your mind, there is a fault in reality.
%%
Do you have trouble making up your mind?
Well, yes and no.
%%
Dogmatism is puppyism come to its full growth.
%%
Don't believe in superstition - it brings bad luck.
%%
Don't confuse me with the facts - my mind is made up.
%%
Don't ever stand up to be counted or someone will take your seat.
%%
Don't mark the spot where you bury the hatchet.
%%
Don't vote. You'll only encourage them.
%%
Down with gravity.
%%
Each generation has its sages. Ancient Greece had Socrates.
We have bumper stickers.
%%
Education is what you get from reading the small print;
experience is what you get from not reading it.
%%
Egotism is the anaesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
%%
Ejukashun never dun me no good.
%%
Eskimos: God's frozen people.
%%
Even bargains cost money.
%%
Everybody thinks himself well-bred.
%%
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
%%
Everyone wants a bus service to their door, but no one wants a bus service in
their street.
%%
To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore
this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to
offer in response is based on information available to make no such
statement.
%%
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and
whatever you hit, call it the target.
%%
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
%%
To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
%%
To err is human, to moo bovine.
%%
To generalize is to be an idiot.
        -- William Blake
%%
To get something done, a committee should consist of
no more than three men, two of them absent.
%%
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
        -- Thomas Edison
%%
To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.
        -- W. Churchill, on Korean War negotiations
%%
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job
will take the longest and cost the most.
%%
To the systems programmer, users and applications serve
only to provide a test load.
%%
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question...or is it?
%%
Today is a good day to die.
        -- An apache warrior proverb
%%
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
%%
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
%%
Too clever is dumb.
        -- Ogden Nash
%%
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
        -- Mae West
%%
Too often I find that the volume of paper expands
to fill the available briefcases.
        -- Governor Jerry Brown
%%
Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
%%
          __  _____
       .'/,-Y"     "~-.
       l.Y             ^.
       /\               _\_       Hummhh !!!
      i            _  /"   "\      S60 II ...
      |          /"   "\   o !   I must buy it .
      l         ]     o !__./
       \ _  _    \.___./    "~\
        X \/ \            ___./
       ( \ _  .   _..--~~"   ~`-.
        ` Z,--   /               \
          \_ .  (   /       ______)
            \   l  /-----~~" /
             Y   \          /
             |    "x______.^
             |           \
             j            Y
%%
      ___    |\_/|    ___
     /   \_  |` '|  _/   \
    /      \/     \/      \
   /                       \
    \/\/\/\  _____  /\/\/\/
           \/     \/

%%
                //-o-\\
         ____---=======---____
     ====___\   /.. ..\   /___====      Klingons rule OK!
   //        ---\__O__/---        \\
   \_\                           /_/
%%

            (__)              (__)              (__)
            (\/)              ($$)              (**)
     /-------\/        /-------\/        /-------\/
    / | 666 ||        / |=====||        / |     ||
   *  ||----||       *  ||----||       *  ||----||
      ~~    ~~          ~~    ~~          ~~    ~~
   Satanic cow    This cow is a Yuppie   Cow in love
%%
Some proper cookies, after all this is whats its supposed to be...
%%
Do not go out tonite.
%%
Stay with him/her.
%%
Leave him/her.
%%
You need a drink.
%%
You will marry him/her.
%%
Don't go yet.
%%
Wait another half hour.
%%
Wait another hour.
%%
Go and watch the TV. (Turn it on first ;-) )
%%
An Englishman is a man who lives on an island in the North Sea governed by Scotsmen.
%%
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made,in a very narrow field.
%%
An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until he
knows everything about nothing.
%%
An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.
%%
An oak tree is just a nut that held its ground.
%%
An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys.
%%
Analyzing humour is like analyzing a frog :
you can do it, but the frog tends to die in the process.
%%
And in the end the love you take Is equal to the love you make.
%%
Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one.
%%
Any fool can criticize, and many of them do.
%%
Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
%%
Apathy: never mind over don't matter.
%%
AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I AM INNOCENT
- But He won't be there at the committal proceedings.
%%
As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.
%%
As long as you can still be disappointed you are still young.
%%
Awkward Age: the period lasting from birth until death.
%%
Babies speak in many languages before they find one that grown-ups understand.
%%
Be security conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
%%
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
%%
Before honour is humility.
%%
Before you meet your handsome prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.
%%
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
%%
Ben Lexcen only went to school for three years, so he never learnt that some
things are impossible.
%%
Bereft: missing the last plane to Japan.
%%
Beware the man who slaps you on the back -
he is probably trying to make you cough up something.
%%
Beware of half-truths - you may have the wrong half.
%%
Birds : creatures that pick up worms.
%%
Birth, Copulation, and Death.
That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks.
%%
Bo Peep did it for the insurance.
%%
Briefcase: a trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party.
%%
Bureaucracy rules OK
                  OK
                  OK
%%
Buy old masters. They fetch a better price than old mistresses.
%%
Castles in the air cost a great deal to keep up.
%%
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
%%
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore and that's what parents were
created for.
%%
Dig out that old Playboy magazine.
%%
You will meet a Dwarf.
%%
Don't do it tonite.
%%
Wait until tommorow.
%%
Do it on Thursday.
%%
You will go bald.
%%
Manchester United will win 2-0.
%%
You will become legless.
%%
You will lose an arm.

    Thow a die.
        1 - 3  Its your left arm.
        4 - 6  Its your right arm.
%%
Have a sex change.
%%
Dig out Gauntlet and play on it.
%%
Go out.
%%
Go and play Monopoly. (And win)
%%
Open a window.
%%
Go on a diet.
%%
Do some work.
%%
Read a magazine.
%%
Get a life.
%%
Install a security system.
%%
Your Modem will fail.
%%
Your PC is crap.
%%
Buy an Amiga.
%%
Buy an old ZX Spectrum.
%%
Load Pong.
%%
Take a shower.
%%
Go and cook some food.
%%
Buy it.
%%
Sell it for less than �50
%%
You shall find it.
%%
A buyer will come.
%%
 Dumb riddle No.1

 What did the grape say when I stepped on it?

 Notthing. It let out a little whine.
%%
 "Things are only impossible until they are not."

 -Picard, urging Data to find a way to penetrate the Aldean shield.

 Great lines from Star Trek TNG. Episode: When the bough breaks.
%%
 Cities are for people: a place for their hopes and dreams,
their work and play, their homes and homes for their children.
Cities are alive and have personalities, each different from
all the others and each in constant change. A living organism
made up of its collective inhabitants, a city is many things,
but above all a storehouse of human characteristics.
%%
 For safety against roving thieves and predators, the 
farmer and herdsman laid their camps togeelse wether, and 
through this simple act of survival and cooperation,
attracted like-minded countrymen into their midst. 
The camp became a village, with a better standard 
of living, and more visitors became residents... 
and the village continued to grow.
%%
 Even in today's world, we seek relationships to
neighbourhoods of less than 20,000 people, beyond
which we lose our ability to relate tot he rest of
the population. We need to identify with those
who live near us, or else we feel "lost."
%%
 "I'm not going to start wearing fluorescent tights"

 World triple jump champion Jonathan Edwards on how success might affect
 him.
%%
"Literally, she died in the last 50 metres."

 Sally Gunnell on Cathy Freeman's finish in the 400m final in Gothenburg.
%%
"I just can't believe he did that... and at Wimbledon of all places."

 John McEnroe on Jeff Tarango's Wimbledon walkout.
%%
"I thought they only allowed two bouncers in one over."

 BBC Radio cricket scorer Bill Frindall on seeing streaker Madeleine Perry
 at Lord's."
%%
My son wanted a cowboy outfit for Christmas, so I bought him a PC dealership
%%
          Smiley Dictionary, Part 2

]8->   devilish smiley
;-)    winking smiley
       Zen smiley
8)     A gleek. This small, friendly smiley is your pal (or ntsc, if you're
       American).
[B)    Your beaver is wearing goggles and a hard-hat.
(-:    Australian smiley
0-)    Cyclops
.-)    one-eyed smiley
P-)    Long-John Smiley (eyepatch, geddit?)

8=}B*7 A drunk chef wearing a toupee and shades , standing in an updraft 
%%
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light-bulb?
None: "We'll fix it in software."
%%
How many software engineers does it take to change a light-bulb?
None: "We'll document it in the manual."
%%
Read 100 chars.
Read 183 chars.
Read 145 chars.
Read 94 chars.
Read 655 chars.
Read 365 chars.
Read 460 chars.
Read 274 chars.
Read 180 chars.
Read 534 chars.
%%
How many tech. writers does it take to change a light-bulb?
None: "The user can work it out."
%%
Romulan Bird of Prey
       ________________     _                                           _
       \_|___________||)   (_)                                         (_)
       ____/       |         `-._               __|__               _.-'
 _----'___/        |----.        `-._     __---'--"--`--.__.    _.-'
 \_____,-'         |_.--'            `-._|_______(O)_______|_.-'
     `--------------'                      `-------------'
%%
Performance: A statement of the speed at which a computer system works.
Or rather, might work under certain circumstances.  Or was rumored to be
working over in Jersey about a month ago.
%%
Priority: A statement of the importance of a user or a program.  Often
expressed as a relative priority, indicating that the user doesn't care
when the work is completed so long as he is treated less badly than
someone else.
%%
Quality control: Assuring that the quality of a product does not get out
of hand and add to the cost of its manufacture or design.
%%
Regression analysis: Mathematical techniques for trying to understand
why things are getting worse.
%%
Strategy: A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until
sometime after those creating it have left the organization.
%%
Systems programmer: A person in sandals who has been in the elevator
with the senior vice president and is ultimately responsible for a phone
call you are to receive from you boss.
%%
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is
why several of us died of tuberculosis.
%%
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word
itself: "Mankind." Basically, it's made up of two separate words -
"mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's
why so is mankind.
%%
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they
don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with
some good ideas.
%%
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
%%
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite
and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny
plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like
ambition.
%%
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors
came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a
good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
%%
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger,
screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man,
I guess I'm a coward.
%%
I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every
culture, is the story of Popeye.
%%
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if
they ever press charges.
%%
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to
save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
%%
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at
them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
%%
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of
striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
%%
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon
was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand,
pretending like he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
%%
As I bit into the sweet, tangy nectarine, and tasted the juices running
down my chin, I looked down, and realized that it wasn't a nectarine at
all, but a HUMAN HEAD!
%%
You know, some white coral, painted brown, and attached to the skull
with some common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
%%
I have always wondered way they always refer to toilet paper as facial
quality.  I am not going to use it on my face, (although there are
some who think I do anyway!).
%%
To me, boxing is like ballet except that there's no music or
choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
%%
In our yodeling class, we discourage new students from yodeling right
off. You see, we *build* to that.
%%
If you're a horse, and someone climbs on your back, falls off, and
then climbs on again, I think you should buck him off.
%%
I think a good story would be about a clown who makes people laugh, but
inside he is really sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
%%
Anytime something screeches across the room, and latches onto someone's
neck, and the guy screams, and tries to get it off, I have to laugh,
because what *is* that thing?
%%
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the
world is not the lion, or even an elephant. It's a shark, riding on an
elephant's back, trampling and eating everything it sees.
%%
The most dangerous animal in the world is not the tiger, or the shark,
or the elephant... it is a shark riding on the back of an elephant,
trampling and eating everything they see.
%%
"I don't care who you are, Fatso. Just get those reindeer off my roof."
%%
"Is there any intelligent life in this planet?"
"No. I'm just visiting in here."
%%
"Let me think...I wonder if an anvil will drop like an apple?"
    -- Tradition tells us these are the last words of sir Isaac Newton
%%
"Make love, not war."
"I'm married, I do both."
%%
"So when I die, the first thing I will see in Heaven is a score list?"
%%
"What are you doing?"
"Examining the world's major religions. I'm looking for something
that's light on morals, has lots of holidays, and with a short
initiation period."
%%
"What is your operation plan?"
"Just get violent, babe. Just get violent."
        -- Dempsey & Makepeace
%%
"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't
believe in God." "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears,
"but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful
God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be."
        -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
%%
"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last,
"what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.
        -- A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
%%
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
        -- Lewis Carrol
%%
355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible
simulation.
%%
Do me now and I'll owe you one.
%%
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than
a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
        -- Mahatma Ghandi
%%
A CONS is an object which cares.
        -- Bernie Greenberg.
%%
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did
on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
        -- Thomas Ybarra
%%
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing.
%%
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere,
is having fun.
%%
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
        -- Carl Sandburg
%%
A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
responsibility at the other.
%%
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman
out of a divorce.
        -- Don Quinn
%%
A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have
turned into a pile of dust.
%%
A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
enlightened him with ours.
%%
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
as afterward.
%%
A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from
the poor to protect them from each other.
%%
A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete
than expexted; a carefully planned project will take only twice as long.
%%
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
%%
A chiseler is a man who goes stag to a wife-swapping party.
%%
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
        -- Bill Vaughan
%%
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
        -- Herbert Prochnow
%%
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working
20 years make.
%%
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
%%
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing %%should be done for
the first time.
        -- Alfred E. Wiggam
%%
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never
learned to walk.
        -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what
time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
%%
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
        -- Dyer
%%
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
        -- Edgar A. Shoaff
%%
A day for firm decisions!! Or is it?
%%
A day without sunshine is like night.
%%
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a
fur coat.
%%
A diplomat is man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never
her age.
        -- Robert Frost
%%
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.
%%
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
        -- Ogden Nash
%%
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
        -- Winston Churchill
%%
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
%%
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an
elephant.
%%
A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch
dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension.
        -- Mandelbrot, "The Fractal Geometry of Nature"
%%
A genius is a queer who can whistle while he works.
        -- Bobby Knight
%%
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet
(sort of).
%%
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
        -- William James
%%
A hand in a bird is worth two on 'er bush.
%%
A hard man is good to find.
%%
A joke is like watching a woman get out of a car --
sometimes you see it and sometimes you don't.
        -- Max Miller
%%
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist, and too rich to be
a communist.
%%
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at
any price.
%%
A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.
I believe everything positively stinks.
        -- Lew Col
%%
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
%%
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.
%%
A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
%%
A novel approach is to remove all power from the system, which removes
most system overhead so that resources can be fully devoted to doing
nothing. Benchmarks on this technique are promising; tremendous
amounts of nothing can be produced in this manner. Certain hardware
limitations can limit the speed of this method, especially in
the larger systems which require a more involved & less efficient
power-down sequence.
An alternate approach is to pull the main breaker for the building,
which seems to provide even more nothing, but in truth has bugs in it,
since it usually inhibits the systems which keep the beer cool.
%%
A penny saved is a penny.
%%
A person who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely
called a liberal.
%%
A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
And he answered:
It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence.
It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs.
It is that which has caused nations to build byways from City
to City upon which carts and coaches pass, and alongside which inns
have come to be built to stave off Hunger, Thirst and Weariness.
And that is Fate? said the priest.
Fate...I thought you said Freight, responded the Master.
That's all right, said the priest. I wanted to know
what Freight was too.
        -- Kehlog Albran
%%
A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.
        -- George Eliot
%%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%%
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis
of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite
series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric
precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from
inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical
accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality
for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly
defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the
information in the first place.
-- IEEE Grid news magazine
%%
A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results
blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
%%
A reactionary is a man whose political opinions
always manage to keep up with yesterday.
%%
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket
and rejoices that the system works.
%%
A rumor has it that rumors are just rumors.
%%
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
        -- Prof. Steiner
%%
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
%%
A successful [software] tool is one that was used
to do something undreamed of by its author.
        -- S. C. Johnson
%%
A toast to the kisses you've snatched and vice-versa.
%%
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse
by blowing first.
%%
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene
triangle.
%%
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
        -- Tennessee Williams
%%
A virgin is chaste.
%%
A witty saying proves nothing.
        -- Voltaire
%%
A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent
to admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact
remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.
It is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties
of using indirect spells. It also does no harm, in dealing with these
matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times.
        -- "The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII"
%%
A woman is like a dresser...some man always goin' through her drawers.
        -- Blind Lemon Pledge
%%
A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social
pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate
woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without
love, without virtue, without sex.
        -- Balzac
%%
A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe
in God.
%%
Romulan Bird of Prey
        _______________
       [_|___________||)
            /      |
           /       |
          / _______|_
   __.---'-'         `.
  |           ___      \
  |        ,-'__ \      |
  |-======|==[__) |     |
  |        `-.___/      |
  |__                  /
     `-.---._________.'
          \        |
           \       |
      ______\______|___
     [_|_____________||)
%%
I don't mind arguing with myself.
Its when I lose that it bothers me.
        -- Richard Powers
%%
I don't want to bore you, but there's nobody else around for me to bore.
%%
I drink to make other people interesting.
        -- George Jean Nathan
%%
I hate it when people call me paranoid. It makes me feel persecuted.
%%
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
        -- Kehlog Albran
%%
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
        -- Albert Einstein
%%
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
        -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
was to go away.
%%
I own my own body, but I share.
%%
I prefer the most unjust peace to the most righteous war.
        -- Cicero
%%
I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
%%
I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce.
        -- J. Edgar Hoover
%%
I see little divinity about them or you.  You talk to me of Christianity
when you are in the act of hanging your enemies.  Was there ever such
blasphemous nonsense!
        -- George Bernard Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple"
%%
I smell a maze of twisty little passages.
%%
I think pop music has done more for oral intercourse
than anything else that has ever happened, and vice versa.
        -- Frank Zappa
%%
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
%%
I wished, I never wished a wand of wishing. (Wishful thinking)
%%
I wouldn't advise playing catch with a giant.
%%
I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having
to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
        -- R. Geis
%%
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
%%
I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now.
%%
I'm not afraid of work...
I can even sleep beside it.
%%
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
%%
I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
%%
I'm sorry if the correct way of doing things offends you.
%%
I've had one child. My husband wants to have another.
I'd like to watch him have another.
%%
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
        -- Roy Santoro
%%
If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in
their Heads.
%%
If God had wanted us to use the metric system,
Jesus would have had 10 apostles.
%%
If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
        -- Bert Whitney
%%
If Reagan is the answer, it must have been a VERY silly question.
%%
If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
%%
If it doesn't have recursive function calls, Real Software Engineers
don't program in it.
%%
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
%%
If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
%%
If only I could get that wonderful feeling
of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
%%
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for
reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
        -- Einstein
%%
If someone had told me I would be Pope
one day, I would have studied harder.
        -- Pope John Paul I
%%
If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input,
an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
%%
If the odds are a million to one against something
occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
%%
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that
will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
%%
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
        -- Edward A. Murphy Jr.
%%
If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out.
If thy dick offends thee, whack it off.
%%
If voting should change anything, there would be a law against it.
%%
If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where
we are headed.
%%
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
        -- Chekhov
%%
If you are too cute some monsters might be tempted to embrace you.
%%
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
        -- J. Paul Getty
%%
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
%%
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
        -- Harry S. Truman
%%
If you disassemble and assemble something a couple of times,
you will have two of them.
%%
If you drink, don't park. Accidents make people.
%%
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
%%
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
%%
If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody
in the whole wide world, don't trust him. It means he experiments.
%%
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a
procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will
promptly develop.
%%
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But
this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine,
is somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.
%%
If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens
tomorrow!
%%
If you want to feel great, you must eat something real big.
%%
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
%%
Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.
        -- Robert Burton
%%
Ignorance is the soil in which belief in miracles grows.
        -- Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
        -- Jules de Gaultier
%%
Imbesi's Law with Freeman's Extension:
In order for something to become clean, something else must
become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting
anything clean.
%%
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
%%
In Christianity neither morality nor religion come
into contact with reality at any point.
        -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented
six feet downward and covered with dirt.
        -- Blair P. Houghton
%%
Peter Principle:
In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own incompetency.
%%
In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
are to be treated as variables.
%%
In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble.
        -- Alan Perlis
%%
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
%%
Interfere? Of course you should interfere!
Always do what you're best at, I say.
%%
Iron Law of Distribution:
Them that has, gets.
%%
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
        -- Mae West
%%
Is there a Life before Death?
%%
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
The Course of Progress:
Most things get steadily worse.
The Path of Progress:
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%%
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
%%
It is a sad commentary on today's society that this fortune has to be
classified as "offensive" simply because it contains the word "fuck".
%%
It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a
pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the
sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color.
        -- Voltaire
%%
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
        -- Andrew W. Mathis
%%
It is easier for a camel to pass through
the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.
        -- Kehlog Albran
%%
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
%%
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
%%
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting
because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a
lot of people.
        -- Dolph Sharp
%%
It is impossible to defend perfectly
against the attack of those who want to die.
%%
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the
problem.
%%
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
        -- Gore Vidal
%%
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind
to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
        -- Voltaire
%%
Q: What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
A: An epileptic.
%%
Q: Who's the patron saint of Ethiopia?
A: Karen Carpenter.
%%
Q: Why did God make women?
A: Because sheep can't cook.
%%
Q: What do you call an armless, legless, water skiier?
A: Skip.
%%
Roses are red,
Pickles are green,
I like your legs,
And what's in between.
%%
Q: What do you do if a pitbull starts humping your leg?
A: Fake an Orgasam!
%%
It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
high as the eagle?
%%
It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
        -- Hawkwind
%%
It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.
        -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
%%
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
%%
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the
flag.
%%
It seems you keep overlooking a sign reading "No trespassing"!
%%
It takes a brave man to admit his mistakes.
Especially in a paternity hearing.
%%
It takes a special kind of courage
to face what we all have to face.
%%
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn't give up becuase by that time I was too famous.
%%
It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The
Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies.
        -- Edith Hamilton, "The Greek Way"
%%
It's Fabulous! We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour!
        -- Macy's
%%
It's all a matter of life and death, so beware of the undead.
%%
It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.
%%
It's not the ups and downs of love, it's the ins and outs.
%%
It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain
what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.
        -- Roger Noe
%%
Jehovah is an alien and still threatens this planet!
%%
Jenkinson's Law:
It won't work.
%%
Jesus Saves,
Moses Invests,
But only Buddha pays Dividends.
%%
Jesus died for your sins. Make it worth his time.
%%
Johnson's First Law:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will
do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
%%
Jone's Law:
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to
blame it on.
%%
Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
%%
Jones' First Law:
Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of
endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an
obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the
importance of their original contribution.
%%
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition
doesn't mean he knows what it is.
%%
Just do it!
%%
Just once, I wish we would encounter
an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
        -- The Brigader, from Dr. Who
%%
Justice is incidental to law and order.
        -- J. Edgar Hoover
%%
Katz' Law:
Man and nations will act rationally when all other
possibilities have been exhausted.
%%
Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
%%
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
%%
Kicking the terminal doesn't hurt the monsters.
%%
Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.
        -- Muad'dib
%%
Kinkler's First Law:
Responsibility always exceeds authority.
%%
Kinkler's Second Law:
All the easy problems have been solved.
%%
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
%%
LISP-programmers say: "Guess how many parentheses are needed to do this!"
Prolog-programmers say: "How can I do it in reasonable time ?"
C-programmers say: "Can You guess what this->program does ?"
Forth-programmers say: "third stack in is what Guess ?"
Basic-'programmers' say: "Where did I goto hell ?"
Fortran- and Cobol-slaves cry: "How can I do this ?"
%%
Laissez Faire Economics is the theory that if each acts like a vulture,
all will end as doves.
%%
Large cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anyone.
%%
Large increases in cost with questionable increases in
performance can be tolerated only in race horses and women.
        -- Lord Kalvin
%%
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
%%
Law of Communications:
The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications
between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased
area of misunderstanding.
%%
Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
%%
Law of Selective Gravity:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Jenning's Corollary:
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is
directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Law of the Perversity of Nature:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the
bread to butter.
%%
Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
%%
Learn how to spell. Play Hack.
%%
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
%%
Leibowitz's Rule:
When hammering a nail, you will never hit your
finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
%%
Leprechauns hide their gold in a secret room.
%%
Let your fingers do the walking on the yulkjhnb keys.
%%
Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
        -- Gauguin
%%
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
%%
Life is the childhood of our immortality.
        -- Goethe
%%
Life is too important to take seriously.
        -- Corky Siegel
%%
Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have
a meaning of which I disapprove.
%%
Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
%%
Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
%%
Lisp programmers do it recursively.
%%
Lisp programmers have to be bound (to-do 'it)...
%%
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it
includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
%%
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been
attempted before.
%%
Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.
        -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street
aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
%%
Logic is a systematic method of coming
to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
%%
Looking for a monster -- use a staff of monster summoning.
%%
Loose bits sink chips.
%%
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
        -- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer-Night's Dream"
%%
Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving
devices the world has ever seen.
%%
Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
%%
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the
real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
        -- Goethe
%%
Love is just for now...herpes lasts forever.
%%
Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
%%
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
        -- Louise Beal
%%
Love will make you forget time, and time will make you forget love.
%%
Lowery's Law:
If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
%%
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.
%%
Machines certainly can solve problems, store information,
correlate, and play games -- but not with pleasure.
        -- Leo Rosten
%%
Maier's Law:
If the facts don't conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Corollaries:
(1) The bigger the theory, the better.
(2) The experiment may be considered a success if no more than
50pc of the observed measurements must be discarded to
obtain a correspondence with the theory.
%%
Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
%%
Maintainer's Motto:
If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
%%
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
        -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms
with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
        -- Samuel Butler
%%
Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to
somebody else -- unless it is an enemy.
        -- Albert Einstein
%%
Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover.
But she can never catch him at it.
%%
Many nice things suck.
%%
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to
get in, and those inside desperate to get out.
        -- Montaigne
%%
Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
        -- R. Drabek
%%
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they
translate into their own language, and forthwith it is something
entirely different.
        -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
Mathematicians do it in groups.
%%
Mathematicians do it in theory.
%%
Mathematicians take it to the limit.
%%
Matter cannot be created or destroyed,
nor can it be returned without a receipt.
%%
May the Carrier be with you.
%%
May the Source be with you...always.
%%
McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom:
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
%%
Measure twice because you can only cut once.
%%
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
%%
Meet yourself! Commit suicide and type "hack"
%%
Memory fault -- core...uh...um...core...Oh dammit, I forget!
%%
Memory flaw - core dumped.
%%
Micro Credo:
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
%%
Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get
you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
%%
Miksch's Law:
If a string has one end, then it has another end.
%%
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
        -- Groucho Marx
%%
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
        -- Groucho Marx
%%
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
        -- Russell Baker
%%
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
%%
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and
be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
%%
Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
%%
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more
comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Lada.
%%
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
%%
If money is the root of all evil, then man needs roots.
%%
Money is the sixth sense that makes it possible to enjoy the five others.
%%
Monsters sleep because you are boring, not because they ever get tired.
%%
Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss out
of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.
%%
Most monsters prefer minced meat. That's why they are hitting you.
%%
Most of the bugs in Hack are on the floor.
%%
Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
        -- Frank Zappa
%%
Most rumors are just as misleading as this one.
%%
Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
%%
Murphy's Law:
If anything can go wrong, it will.
%%
My girlfriend's favorite erotic position is bending over my credit cards.
%%
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
%%
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
        -- Christopher Morley
%%
NEWS FLASH!!
Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West
German pole-vault champion.
%%
Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of
conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the
fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he
is most likely to be creamed?
        -- Solomon Short
%%
Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night,
God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light.
It did not last; the devil howling "Ho!
Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
%%
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
%%
Never go into the dungeon at midnight.
%%
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
%%
Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
%%
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
        -- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
%%
Never make anything simple and efficient when
a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
%%
Never mind the monsters hitting you: they just replace the charwomen.
%%
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
        -- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
%%
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
%%
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
There might be a law against it by that time.
%%
Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
%%
Never trust anybody whose arm is bigger than your leg.
%%
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
        -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
%%
Never use "etc." -- it makes people think there is more where
there is not or that there is not space to list it all, etc.
%%
Never worry about theory as long as the machinery
does what it's supposed to do.
        -- R. A. Heinlein
%%
Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
%%
Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
%%
Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
%%
Nirvana? Thats the place where the powers that be and their
friends hang out.
        -- Zonker Harris
%%
No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a
camel -- anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform
effectively under such difficult conditions.
        -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that
he will not become nuiscance after three days.
        -- Titus Maccius Plautus
%%
No man in the world has more courage than
the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
        -- Channing Pollock
%%
No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
        -- E. W. Howe
%%
No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in
the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
%%
No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee,
when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your
direction, and almost none will be returned to the source.
        -- John L. Shelton
%%
No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
%%
No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied
occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an
indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining
occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as
an indication-applied occurrence.
        -- ALGOL 68 Report
%%
No, "Eureka" is Greek for "This bath is too hot."
        -- Dr. Who
%%
Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition.
%%
Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
%%
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
%%
Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
        -- William Shakespeare
%%
Not all rumors are as misleading as this one.
%%
Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly
and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.
        -- Professor W.
%%
Not until a program has been in production for at least
six months will the most harmful error then be discovered.
%%
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
%%
Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
        -- Andrew Young
%%
Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which
millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
        -- Nero Wolfe
%%
Nothing recedes like success.
        -- Walter Winchell
%%
O'Riordan's Theorem:
Brains x Beauty = Constant.
Purmal's Corollary:
As the limit of (Brains x Beauty) goes to infinity,
availability goes to zero.
%%
OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
        -- Dr. Joy
%%
Official Project Stages:
(1) Uncritical Acceptance
(2) Wild Enthusiasm
(3) Dejected Disillusionment
(4) Total Confusion
(5) Search for the Guilty
(6) Punishment of the Innocent
(7) Promotion of the Non-participants
%%
Ogden's Law:
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
%%
Oh John, let's not park here.
Oh John, let's not park.
Oh John, let's not.
Oh John, let's.
Oh John.
Oh.
%%
Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
        -- Trotsky
%%
Old hackers never die: young ones do.
%%
Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.
%%
Oliver's Law:
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
%%
On Brassieres:
Russian : Uplifts the masses -- Salvation Army : Raises the fallen
American: Makes mountains out of molehills
%%
On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
        -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
%%
On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong."
        -- Wolfgang Pauli
%%
Once upon a girl there was a time...
%%
Once you've tried to change the world you find
it's a whole bunch easier to change your mind.
%%
One good reason why computers can do more work than people is
that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
%%
One homunculus a day keeps the doctor away.
%%
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
%%
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of
their C programs.
        -- Robert Firth
%%
One planet is all you get.
%%
Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
%%
Operation coded OVERKILL has started now.
%%
Operators mount anything.
%%
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
        -- Mike Adams
%%
Others look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
%%
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
it's too dark to read.
        -- Groucho Marx
%%
Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
%%
Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
%%
only much, much better.
        -- Laurie Anderson
%%
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
%%
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
%%
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
%%
Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy
to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
        -- D. J. Hicks
%%
Pardo's First Postulate:
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Arnold's Addendum:
Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
%%
Parker's Law:
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
%%
Parkinson's Fifth Law:
If there is a way to delay in important decision,
the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
%%
Parkinson's Fourth Law:
The number of people in any working group tends to increase
regardless of the amount of work to be done.
%%
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
%%
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
        -- Eric Hoffer
%%
Paul's Law:
You can't fall off the floor.
%%
Paulg's Law:
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
%%
People usually get what's coming to them...unless it's been mailed.
%%
People who claim they don't let little things bother them
have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
%%
People who have no faults are terrible;
there is no way of taking advantage of them.
%%
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you
tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
%%
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
[Confound those who have said our remarks before us.]
        -- Aelius Donatus
%%
Peter's Law of Substitution:
Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
%%
Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
%%
Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
        -- John Keats
%%
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
        -- Don Marquis
%%
Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe!
Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!
        -- Green Lantern Comics
%%
Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
%%
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
        -- Nikita Khrushchev
%%
Politicians do it to everyone.
%%
Press any key to start formatting the hard disk.
%%
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
It's on the other side.
%%
Printers do it by wrinkling the sheets.
%%
Procrastinators do it tomorrow.
%%
Prostitution is the only business where you can go
into the hole and still come out ahead.
%%
Pryor's Observation:
How long you live has nothing to do with how long you are
going to be dead.
%%
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill.
Check three friends. If they're ok, you're it.
%%
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check
%%
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
%%
Putt's Law:
Technology is dominated by two types of people:
Those who understand what they do not manage.
Those who manage what they do not understand.
%%
Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A: One per person.
%%
Q: How do you play religious roulette?
A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck
by lightning first.
%%
Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher,
or an airline stewardess?
A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says:
"We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right."
An airline stewardess says: "Just hold this over your
mouth and nose, and breath normally."
%%
Q: How do you tell that your roommate's gay?
A: When his cock tastes like shit.
%%
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spines the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
%%
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a
maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
%%
Q: How much money do you give to a 900 foot Jesus?
A: As much as he wants.
%%
Q: If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat.
%%
Q: What can you use used tampons for?
A: Tea bags for vampires.
%%
Q: What do you call couples that use that rhythm method?
A: Parents.
%%
Q: What is "SMOORPLAY"?
A: It's what SMURFS do before they SMUCK, of course!
%%
Q: What's buried in Grant's tomb?
A: A corpse.
%%
Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather.
Kinky is when you use the whole bird...
%%
Q: What's the difference between hard and dark?
A: It stays dark all night.
%%
Q: What's the last thing that goes through
a grasshopper's mind when he hits your windshield?
A: His ass.
%%
Q: Where does virgin wool come from?
A: Ugly sheep.
%%
Q: Why did God invent booze?
A: So ugly men could get laid too.
%%
Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
%%
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
%%
Quigley's Law:
Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small,
will attempt to use it.
%%
Quote of The Day:
'
%%
(1) Never eat on an empty stomach.
(2) Never leave the table hungry.
(3) When traveling, never leave a country hungry.
(4) Enjoy your food.
(5) Enjoy your companion's food.
(6) Really taste your food. It may take several portions to
accomplish this, especially if subtly seasoned.
(7) Really feel your food. Texture is important. Compare,
for example, the texture of a turnip to that of a brownie.
Which feels better against your cheeks?
(8) Never eat between snacks, unless it's a meal.
(9) Don't feel you must finish everything on your plate. You
can always eat it later.
(10) Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
(11) Avoid blue food.
        -- Richard Smit, "The Bronx Diet"
%%
Read the manual before entering the cave -
You might get killed otherwise.
%%
Reality corrupts. Absolute reality corrupts absolutely.
%%
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
%%
Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
        -- Alvy Ray Smith
%%
Rejection:
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
%%
Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
        -- Anatole France
%%
Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence,
it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines.
        -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Relying on a dog might turn you in a dog addict.
%%
Remember, if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
%%
Renning's Maxim:
Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying.
%%
Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what
do you think of Western Civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
%%
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
        -- Werner von Braun
%%
Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll
probably get another chance later on.
%%
Revenge is sleeping with your enemy's wife.
Sweet revenge is the realization that she's a lousy lay.
%%
Rhode's Law:
When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening,
circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly,
empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied,
inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically
guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience,
expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal
comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the above,
be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and
adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally,
immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes
advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
%%
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
        -- Steven Wright
%%
Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
Unless the results are known in advance,
funding agencies will reject the proposal.
%%
Row (3x) that boat gently down the stream, Charon (4x),
death is but a dream.
%%
Rudin's Law:
If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will
do it every time.
%%
Romulan Scoutship and Science Vessel

   __.------------.____________________
  | __   ____,-----------------,  -| |\`-.
  | __|  ____|] =========--  [<    |_|____`-.
   `-._______`-----------------`____________-`
       `-`-----'---'---------`------------'

                   __.-.__
   .-.__________.-'/`-_-'\`--._________.-.
   |||>-------[|||/ /| |\ \|||]-------<|||
   `-'~~~~~~~~~~|(_/_|_|_\_)|~~~~~~~~~~`-'
                 `---`-'---'
%%
 ``Men who cherish for women   the highest respect are
seldom popular with     them.'' -- author unknown
%%
 ``Woman inspires us   to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them.'' -- Dumas
%%
 ``Nature has given women so   much power that the law has
very wisely     given them little.'' -- Dr.  Johnson
%%
 ``The great   question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What     does a woman want?''  -- Freud
%%
 ``Home life   as we understand it is no more natural to
us than a cage is to a cockatoo.'' -- Shaw
%%
 ``Marriage is like a cage; one sees   the birds outside
desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get
out.''  -- Montaigne
%%
 ``For a male and female to live continuously together
is...  biologically     speaking, an extremely unnatural
condition.'' -- Robert Briffault
%%
 ``Marriage is low down, but   you spend the rest of your
life paying     for it.'' -- Baskins
%%
 A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own
flowers.
%%
 A man is not complete until   he is married -- then he is
finished.
%%
 Marriage is a rest period between romances.
%%
 Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
%%
 Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.
%%
 Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live in one?
%%
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of
person your spouse would have really preferred.
%%
 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope
over experience.
%%
 Marriage is   not a word; it is a sentence.
%%
 Trust everybody ... then cut the cards.
%%
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
%%
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
%%
Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.
%%
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
%%
Quality assurance dosen't.
%%
The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't
really know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't
want.
%%
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
%%
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
%%
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
%%
He who hesitates is probably right.
%%
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
%%
If somthing is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
%%
One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
%%
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
%%
The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of
the butter.
%%
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
%%
When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take
two weeks to clear.  When there are insufficient funds, checks clear
overnight.
%%
The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
%%
The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
%%
You never want the one you can afford.
%%
Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good
price.
%%
If it says "one size fits all," it dosen't fit anyone.
%%
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
%%
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
%%
Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three
weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
%%
When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby,
while all other coins will roll out of sight.
%%
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
%%
Experience is somthing you don't get until just after you need it.
%%
Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
%%
No matter which way you go, it's uphill and against the wind.
%%
If enough data is collected, anyghing may be proven by  statistical
methods.
%%
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their
level of incompetence.
%%
Progress is made on alternative Fridays.
%%
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
session.
%%
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
%%
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline rencounters
turbulence.
%%
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
%%
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either
of them being made.
%%
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
%%
When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be
illegible.
%%
A free agent is anything but.
%%
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
%%
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
%%
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your
keys.
%%
If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be
 unreasonable.
%%
"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting."-Alan Dean Foster "To the
Vanishing Point"
%%
The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe:
%%
All my life I said I wanted to be someone...I can see now that
I should have been more specific.
%%
"Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward"  -Bill Davidsen
%%
"The world is filled with fools. They blindly follow their so-called
'reason' in the face of the church and common sense. Any fool can see
that the world is flat!" - anon
%%
    "Women and cats do as they dammed well please.
     Men and dogs had best learn to live with it..."

    Alan Holbrook
%%
"I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk...."
%%
    Two obviously high-class old ladies are strolling down a city
    street when they run across a grizzled, ragged old derelict
    lying drunk in the gutter, covered with garbage, sewer water
    running all over him.  "Hmmmph," sniffs one of the old ladies
    haughtily.  "Cleanliness is next to godliness.  William Shakespeare!"

    The drunk opens one yellowed, rheumy old eye, stares at her
    balefully, and replies, "Fuck you.  Tennessee Williams..."
%%
A retired dentist who loves to fish. "Open wide," he mutters to
the unseen fish as he waits for a tug on the line. "Now bite down.
This may sting just a little bit."
%%
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." -- Sigmund Freud
%%
"a woman is only a woman,
but a good cigar is a smoke"
%%
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of
things. The decayed and degraded state of
moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that
Nothing is worth war is much worse. The per-
son who has nothing for which he is willing
to fight, nothing which is more important
than his own personal safety, is a miserable
creature and has no chance of being free unless
made and kept so by the exertions of better
men than himself.
              --- John Stewart Mill
%%
Duty  then  is the sublimest word in the English language.  You
should do your duty in all things.  You can never do more, you should
never wish to do less.
                General Robert E. Lee
%%
We will occasionally use this arrow notation unless there is danger of
no confusion.
        -- Ronald Graham, "Rudiments of Ramsey Theory"
%%
 I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance
in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a
most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted,
baked, or boiled, and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a
fricassee, or a ragout.
        -- Jonathan Swift, "A Modest Proposal"
%%
 Over the past ten years, for the first time, intelligence had
become socially correct for girls.
        -- Tom Wolfe, "Bonfire of the Vanities"
%%
He, in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have
ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him.
        -- Henry Fielding, "Jonathan Wild"
%%
In the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, it's often useful to have a
nice, solid piece of wood in your hands.
        -- Ian Faith, manager of Spinal Tap
%%
All obvious theorems are true.
        -- Pommersheim's Principle
All true theorems are obvious.
        -- Keane's Kriterion
%%
Ya gotta feel sorry for all them convicts in New Hampshire, stampin'
out license plates that say "Live free or Die."
        -- ???
%%
I'm a clown.  That's my sole mechanism of defense.  Very few people
will go out of their way to punish a clown.
        -- ???
%%
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains
a fool forever.
        -- Old Chinese saying
%%
  Monty Python

"In accordance with our principles of free enterprise and
healthy competition, I'm going to ask you two to fight to
the death for it."
%%
  Ripping Yarns

"Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some
sheep's testicles for a bet...God, that bloody sheep kicked him..."
%%
"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of
gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
"Hit it."
%%
  Pink Panther

"Kato, what is going on in that little yellow brain of yours?"

        -- Chief Inspector Clouseau, in reference to a priceless white%%
           Steinway piano.
%%
  Dave Barry

Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes
on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists
and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and
not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a
useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is
second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little
scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds
if we felt like it.
%%
  The Odd Couple

"A penny for your thoughts?"
"A dollar for your death."
%%
  The Princess Bride

"Inconceivable!"
"You use that word a lot.  I do not think it means what you think
it does."
%%
  Daffy Duck

"Ho!  Ha-ha!  Guard!  Turn!  Parry!  Dodge!  Spin!  Ha!  Thrust!"
        --D. Duck
%%
"Consequences, shmonsequences!  So long as I'm rich!"
        -- Daffy Duck
%%
"Mine!  Mine!  It's all mine!"
        -- D. Duck
%%
  Politicians

"The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves,
only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that
there may be something to them we are missing."
        -- Gamel Abdel Nasser
%%
"Life's a bitch, and life's got lots of sisters."
        -- Ross Presser
%%
   All men dream: but not equally.  Those who dream by night in
   the  dusty  recesses  of their minds wake in the day to find
   that it  was  vanity:  but  the  dreamers  of  the  day  are
   dangerous  men, for they may act their dream with open eyes,
   to make it possible.
                                      T. E. Lawrence
                                      _The Seven Pillars of Wisdom_
%%
Always do what you are afraid to do.
                       Emerson
%%
"It's said that 'power corrupts', but actually it's  more
true  that  power attracts the corruptible.  The sane are
usually attracted by other things than power.  When  they
do  act,  they  think of it as service, which has limits.
The tyrant, though, seeks mastery, for which he is  insa-
tiable, implacable."
               David Brin
             _The Postman_
%%
H. L. Mencken:     "The American public knows what it wants,
                    and deserves to get it good and hard."
%%
"Hankerin' for trouble, eh? Well I would like--"
[aside] "I would like? I would like a trip to Europe!"
"--I would like..."
                  --Daffy Duck, "Dripalong Daffy"
%%
"Go on! Shoot me again! I enjoy it! I love the smell of burnt feathers
 and gunpowder and cordite!"
                         --Daffy Duck, "Duck! Rabbit! Duck!"
%%
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is
water! And  East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries
and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than
rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know."
                     --Groucho Marx, "Animal Crackers"
%%
"Go! And never darken my towels again!"
                      --Groucho Marx, "Duck Soup".
%%
"Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me.
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
                       --Groucho Marx, "Monkey Business"
%%
"The shortest distance between two points is through Hell."
            --Brian Clark
%%
There are three side effects of acid.  Enchanced long term memory,
decreased short term memory, and I forget the third.
                        -Timothy Leary
%%
"I'm a great housekeeper.  I get divorced.  I keep the house".
   --  Zsa Zsa Gabor
%%
 James Bond: What do you expect me to talk?
 A.Goldfinger: No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

                          Goldfinger
%%
"Well, now, hold onta yer horses, there, Frazier.  I mean, as a
psychiatrist, isn't it your job to, uh, `seek and uphold the truth'?"
"Oh, get real, Cliff."
   --- Cheers
%%
A witty saying proves nothing.
   --- Voltaire
%%
"J. D. Salinger... John Knowles... even James Kirkwood and that
guy Don Bredes... they've destroyed being an adolescent,Garraty.
If you're a sixteen-year-old boy, you can't discuss the pains of
adolescent love with any decency anymore.  You just come off
sounding like fucking Ron Howard with a hardon."
                                    Richard Bachman (Stephen King)
%%
Lunatic Asylum: The place where optimism most flourishes.
%%
Hartley's First Law:
     You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
     on his back, you've got something.
%%
Cole's Law:
         Thinly sliced cabbage.
%%
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
%%
Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up the
on roof and gets stuck.
%%
Bacchus: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for
getting drunk.
%%
Winston Churchill: "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats
look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
%%
Harry Bender:
              "Imagine the appeals,
             Dissents and remandments,
              If lawyers had written
               The Ten Commandments"
%%
James Thurber: "I think that maybe if women and children
were in charge we would get somewhere."
%%
Johnny Hart's comic strip "B.C.": "If man evolved from the
ape, how come there are still apes around? Some of them were
given choices."
%%
Bill Watterson, cartoonist: "Sometimes I think the surest
sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe
is that none of it has tried to contact us."
%%
Unidentified Scientist:  "After two years of trying,
scientists at the Yerkes Regional Primate Center have
managed to get a chimpanzee pregnant."  Which proves that no
task is repugnant to a true scientist.
%%
Irv Kupcinet: "What can you say about a society that says
God is dead and Elvis is alive?"
%%
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
                -- Ben Franklin
%%
A Los Angeles judge ruled that "a citizen may snore with immunity
in his own home, even though he may be in possession of unusual and
exceptional ability in that particular field."
%%
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe,
"the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."
                -- Stephen Crane
%%
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
%%
For economists, the real world is often a special case.
%%
Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
one went to Harvard).
                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted
%%
An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit.
%%
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
                -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
                -- Sean O'Casey
%%
Romulan Scoutship and Science Vessel
             .-----------------.
             `-----------------'
               .' .-----   /
             .'  /_ \ \ __/
           .'  /__  _  /==|
          /  /___ .'      |
         / /____ /   /====|
        | /____ /    =====|
    ____|____________=====\_   __.--------._
   / __]____________________|#|_____|_|--. _\
  | (_______________)__)_____((________>  )_ >
   \___]____________________|#|__   | |--' _/
        |  ____      =====/      `--------'
        | \ ____\    =====|
         \ \  ___\   \====|
          \  \  __`._  ___|
           `.  \  _    \==|
             `.  \  / /   \
               `. `-----   \
             .-----------------.
             `-----------------'
%%
Trolls are described as rubbery: they keep bouncing back.
%%
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
        -- Henrik Tikkanen
%%
Try hacking in the wee hours: you will have more room.
%%
Try not to have a good time...This is supposed to be educational.
        -- Charles Schulz
%%
Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
%%
Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading: Was it done,
is it being done, or is something to be done? Reports are now written
in four tenses: past tense, present tense, future tense, and
pretense. Watch for novel uses of CONGRAM (CONtractor GRAMmer),
defined by the imperfect past, the insufficient present, and the
absolutely perfect future.
        -- Amrom Katz
%%
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
%%
Trying to establish voice contact...please yell into keyboard.
%%
Turnaucka's Law:
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
%%
Tussman's Law:
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
%%
Twenty percent of zero is better than nothing.
        -- Walt Kelly
%%
Two can live as cheaply as one for half as long.
        -- Howard Kandel
%%
Two is not 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
%%
Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
%%
Two things I like the best in life -- hot cars and fast women.
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
%%
UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
%%
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it
with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
%%
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
just man is also a prison.
        -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Under capitalism, man exploits man.
Under Communism, it's just the opposite.
        -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Under deadline pressure for the next week. If you want something,
it can wait. Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic...
%%
Unnamed Law:
If it happens, it must be possible.
%%
Using a morning star in the evening has no effect.
%%
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two,
and paradise is when you have none.
        -- Doug Larson
%%
Vail's Second Axiom:
The amount of work to be done increases in proportion
to the amount of work already completed.
%%
Van Roy's Law:
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
%%
Velilind's Laws of Experimentation:
1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
%%
Vila: "I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life."
Orac: "It is unlikely. I would predict there are far greater mistakes
waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it."
%%
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
        -- Salvor Hardin
%%
Virtue is its own punishment.
%%
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously
moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
%%
Vote anarchist!
%%
WARNING from H.M. Govt:  Quaffing may be dangerous to your health.
%%
War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
        -- Charles Edward Montague
%%
War is menstruation envy.
%%
Wasting time is an important part of living.
%%
Watson's Law:
The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to
the number and significance of any persons watching it.
%%
We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
        -- Whole Earth Catalog
%%
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which
divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being
correct. My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough.
        -- Niels Bohr
%%
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
        -- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
%%
We are on the verge: Today our program proved
Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
        -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.
        -- Yates
%%
We can't really be wrong if we're just following Gods orders
You know, He wrote this book here
And in this book He says that He made us to be just like Him
So if we're dumb, then God's dumb (and perhaps a little ugly on the side)
        -- Frank Zappa
%%
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
        -- Vroomfondel
%%
We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand.
        -- James Watt
%%
We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand
the hardware, but we can *see* the blinking lights!
%%
We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some
of our best friends are trying to kill us.
%%
We took some pictures of the girls, but they weren't developed.
%%
We've just recieved the results of a survey conducted to ascertain the
various reasons men get out of bed in the middle of the night. According
to the report, 2pc are motivated by a desire to visit the bathroom, and
3pc have an urge to raid the refrigerator. The other 95% get up to go home.
%%
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
        -- John Heywood
%%
Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
%%
Weinberg's First Law:
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
%%
Weinberg's Principle:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors
while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
%%
Weinberg's Second Law:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
%%
Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross references.
%%
Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter.
He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
        -- Dean McLaughlin.
%%
Were there no women, men might live like gods.
        -- Thomas Dekker
%%
Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can
frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
%%
Wethern's Law:
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
%%
What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
%%
What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
        -- WOP, "War Games"
%%
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
%%
What fools these mortals be.
        -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
%%
What good is having someone who can walk on water
if you don't follow in his footsteps?
%%
What is a magician but a practising theorist?
        -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
%%
What is mind? No matter.
What is matter? Never mind.
        -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
%%
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
        -- Bertold Brecht
%%
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
%%
What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is
that there's nothing to compare it with.
%%
What one fool can do, another can.
        -- Ancient Simian Proverb
%%
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
        -- Ursula K. LeGuin
%%
What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.
        -- Wittgenstein
%%
What's another word for Thesaurus?
        -- Steven Wright
%%
What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
        -- The Doctor
%%
Whatever is not nailed down is mine.
What I can pry loose is not nailed down.
        -- Collis P. Huntingdon
%%
When God created man, She was only testing.
%%
When God created two sexes, he may have been overdoing it.
        -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
When God endowed human beings with brains,
He did not intend to guarantee them.
%%
When a banker jumps out of a window, jump after him --
that's where the money is.
        -- Robespierre
%%
When a female has tears in her eyes the one who cannot see is the male.
%%
When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight,
it concentrates his mind wonderfully.
        -- Samuel Johnson
%%
When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see
the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain
relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
        -- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
%%
When all other means of communication fail, try words.
%%
When are you buttheads gonna learn that you can't oppose
Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?
        -- Reuben Flagg
%%
When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America
before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
        -- Vine Deloria, Jr.
%%
When choosing between evils, I always
like to take the one I've never tried before.
        -- Mae West
%%
When in doubt, use brute force.
        -- Ken Thompson
%%
When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
        -- Dylan Thomas
%%
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
        -- Chinese proverb
%%
When the candles are out all women are fair.
        -- Plutarch
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
        -- Jon Carroll
%%
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
        -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
When the prick stands up, the brains get buried in the ground.
        -- Old Jewish saying
[How come there aren't ever any "New Jewish sayings?"]
%%
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most
insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are
required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and
exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
        -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
When we are planning for posterity, we ought to
remember that virtue is not hereditary.
        -- Thomas Paine
%%
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
%%
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
%%
When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure
clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a definite answer
to a definite problem. For better or worse you have acted decisively.
In a way, the next move is up to him.
        -- R. A. Lafferty
%%
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
        -- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
%%
When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by
asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't
know the answer either.
        -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
        -- The Wall Street Journal
%%
When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
%%
Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really".
        -- Dave Parnas
%%
Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say
what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
        -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Whether you can hear it or not
The Universe is laughing behind your back.
        -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
%%
While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong,
the true test is admission to someone else.
%%
While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens,
ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.
        -- Boccaccio
%%
While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
%%
While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one
you don't keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
        -- Edward Stevenson
%%
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
%%
While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction
of their correctness never does.
%%
While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still
very reassuring to know that it's still there.
%%
Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process.
%%
Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
%%
Who's on first?
%%
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
%%
Why be a man when you can be a success?
        -- Bertold Brecht
%%
Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until
we use the ones we have?
%%
Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
%%
Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of
movement unless it was to avoid responsibility with?
%%
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
        -- Lily Tomlin
%%
Why marry a virgin? If she wasn't good enough for
the rest of them then she isn't good enough for you.
%%
Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be
proven by statistical methods.
%%
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
%%
With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand
miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and
still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no
such thing as progress.
        -- Ransom K. Ferm
%%
Wombat's Laws of Computer Selection:
(1) If it doesn't run Unix, forget it.
(2) Any computer design over 10 years old is obsolete.
(3) Anything made by IBM is junk. (See number 2)
(4) The minimum acceptable CPU power for a single user is a
VAX/780 with a floating point accelerator.
(5) Any computer with a mouse is worthless.
        -- Rich Kulawiec
%%
Women who want to be equal to men lack imagination.
        -- Graffito in a women's restroom
%%
Work fascinates me...
I can sit and watch it for hours.
%%
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
%%
Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer
if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and
and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?
%%
Writers do it between periods.
%%
X-rated movies are all alike...the only thing they
leave to the imagination is the plot.
%%
Xerox does it again and again and again and...
%%
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of APL, I shall
fear no evil, for I can string 6 primitive monadic and dyadic operators
together.
        -- Steve Higgins
%%
Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
%%
Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
%%
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably
still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
        -- Snoopy
%%
Yield to Temptation...it may not pass your way again.
        -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
%%
You are heading for head-stone for sure.
%%
You are just the kind of bad food some monsters like to digest.
%%
You are not drunk if you lie under the table. When you
no longer order from there, then you are drunk.
%%
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
%%
You are without a doubt a rogue, a rascal, a villain, a thief,
a scoundrel, and a mean, dirty, stinking, sniveling, sneaking,
pimping, pocketpicking, thrice double-damned, no-good son-of-a-bitch.
%%
You can create your own opportunities this week.
Blackmail a senior executive.
%%
You can find sympathy, in the dictionary, right near shit and suicide.
%%
You can get more of what you want with a kind word and
a gun than you can with just a kind word.
        -- Bumper Sticker
%%
You can learn many things from children.
How much patience you have, for instance.
        -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
%%
You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
%%
You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
%%
You can't get rid of a cursed plate mail with a can-opener.
%%
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
        -- Steven Wright
%%
You can't teach people to be lazy --
either they have it, or they don't.
        -- Dagwood Bumstead
%%
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
%%
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
%%
You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside.
        -- Heathcote Williams
%%
You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first
and last month in advance.
%%
You don't have to be crazy to live in this planet -- but it helps.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable
and trustworthy. A pity that it's totally undeserved.
%%
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
%%
You know the great thing about TV? If something important happens
anywhere at all in the world, no matter what time of the day or night,
you can always change the channel.
        -- Jim Ignatowski
%%
You know you've been spending too much time on the computer when your
friend misdates a check, and you suggest adding a "++" to fix it.
%%
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
%%
You never know how many friends you have until
you rent a house on the beach.
%%
You should emulate your heros, but don't
carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
%%
You should never bet against anything in science
at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1.
        -- Ernest Rutherford
%%
You should never wear your best trousers when
you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.
        -- Henrik Ibsen
%%
You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
%%
You tread upon my patience.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
%%
You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
%%
You worry too much about your job. Stop it.
You're not paid enough to worry.
%%
You're going into the morgue at midnight????
%%
You're never too old to become younger.
        -- Mae West
%%
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
        -- Dean Martin
%%
You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!
%%
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
%%
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
%%
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
%%
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
%%
gy-ro-scope: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and
also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to each
other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two
mutually perpindicular axes results from application of torque to the
other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus
offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any
torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin.
        -- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary
%%
"I'd rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in
a plane built by the post office."
%%
"I figure I'm pretty good with the bullshit but I love listening
to an expert. Keep talking."
%%
"Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for
a couple of hours."
%%
"The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it."
%%
Romulan Warbird - D'deridex Class

                              _n-----n_
                 ___.--------'-_ /"\ _-`--------.___
            _.--' ___.--------.-|   |-.--------.___ `--._
        _,-'_.---'            |  `-'  |            `---._`-._
       /____.--------------.__d-------b__.--------------.____\
      |  |                    |=======|                    |  |
      |__|__                  |__   __|                  __|__|
       \ `._`-----------------|`.`-'.'|-----------------'_.' /
        `-._`--.___       .nnn-\ \O/ /-nnn.       ___,--'_.-'
            `-.__  `-----/ [__] \ V / [__] \-----'  __.-'
                 `---.___________\_/___________.---'
%%
Romulan Warbird - D'deridex Class
                    ____.-----.n.----._________.-.______
           ___,----'     \|||||  _______________________`-._
       .--'    n                 \------------------, ` \___`.
  __,-' _____________             \          `-===|  \@\      \
 /-----'  /        __\______.......|____        ==|   \_) -----\
|@ .-----|        |         |      |_  /         -\     =======\`
|  `-----|        |_________|......|___\___________\          __\
 \-----.__\__________/             |_______.--------`._       `. \
  `-.__                           / _/                 `--.__   \|
       `-._u                    .'-'                         `-. |
            `---.___________.--'                                \|
%%
Romulan Warbird - D'deridex Class
                   ____________________
                  |       .-'       |  \
                  `-----.'         '---'
                      .'     ____  |
                    .'   .--'    | |
                   /     | /  |  / |
                  /  .'\ | |    / '
                 /  /_         /  |
                /  __      \  /   |
              .'  /        ..||   |\__
            .' @ /       ||||||   |-'|
          .'.---' ----   ||||||   `-.|                __.----._
 ______.-'    nnnnnnnnnnnn\   /o\     `-.________.-.-|__       `.
|_____ || ____------------(|  | | .---. |-----.------'  `--_  |\ \
|______||     ------------(|  | | `---' |-----"------.__.--'  |/ /
       `-.    uuuuuuuuuuuu/   \o/     .-"~~~~~~~~`-`-|__      _.'
          `.`---. ----   ||||||   .-'|                  `----'
            `. @ \       ||||||   |-_|
              `.  \__      ""||   |/
                \   __     /  \   |
                 \  \          \  |
                  \  `./ | |    \  `
                   \     | \  |  \ |
                    `.   `--.____| |
                      `.           |
                  .-----`.         `---.
                  |       `-.       |  /
                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
%%
Klingon Bird of Prey - B'Rel Class
         _  ________
     _,-'|`||||||||_\___       _,-,_
    | /_`-'||||||||'   \\-____/_ __o`-,
    |[__<|_|||||||| -----.______(=====/
       |_\ \------'\____/--------\_,-'
          `\`.      \-'
            \ \      \
             `\`.    \`
               \ `-.__\
                \______\
                  |  ___\
                   \(___======][]
                    `--"
%%
Klingon Bird of Prey - B'Rel Class
                        ______   ______
                      _/_/__\_\_/_/__\_\_
                     /.--  / //-\\ \  --.\
                    // \  |-|=====|-|  / \\
                   || _.-' \-\_@_/-/ `-._ ||
                  _|-'      `-----'      `-|_
              _.-'                           `-._
          _.-'                                   `-._
      _.-'                                           `-._
     /                                                   \
   _/                                                     \_
  (o)                                                     (o)
  '                                                         `
%%
Klingon Bird of Prey - B'Rel Class

         _  ________
     _,-'|`||||||||_\___       _,-,_
    | /_`-'||||||||'   \\-____/_ __o`-,
    |[__<==========|----._______(=====/
     `-\___/`----' | ___\--------\_,-'
                    \(___======][]
                     `--"
%%
Klingon Bird of Prey - B'Rel Class
                        ______   ______
                      _/_/__\_\_/_/__\_\_
                     /.--  / //-\\ \  --.\
      ______.-------(___,-|-|=====|-|-,___)-------.______
  _.-'                     \-\_@_/-/                     `-._
 (o)                        `-----'                        (o)
 '                                                           `
%%
Vor'Cha Class (Klingon Flagship Bortas)
                                   ___.---,
                                  /_______\
               _.--,         _______]____[
   ____.--.___'-----`_____,-'_______||||||
  [ - - -|- |__________   --._      `"""'|
   `--------'          `---.__`--.__   | |
                              `---._\ '~`|
                                ____/_____\______
                               /_| ||            \
                               \___||__]E[_______|
%%
Vor'Cha Class (Klingon Flagship Bortas)
                     __.-.__
                    /___|___\
                   ___]---[___
                .-<_.-------._>-.
           __.-'  |_|_][_][_|_|  `-.__
       _.-'___.-----`-------'-----.___`-._
     .=---'                           `---=.
   _//'                                   `\\_
  / /                                       \ \
 (_/                                         \_)
%%
Q: What is the smallest part in a LADA?
A: The owners brain.
%%
Q: Why do LADA's have heated rear windscreens?
A: To keep your hands warm when your pushing them.
%%
Q: How do you double the value of a LADA?
A: Fill it up with petrol.
%%
Assembly language:
    Language of choice for Scrabble players. allows the smallest and
    fastest routines to be written in five months instead of one. Extra
    points for variable names rich in Q's and Z's.
%%
Basic:
    Language of choice by non-programmers.
%%
Bulletin board:
    Mechanism to allow the socially autistic to masquerade as real people
    and communicate with one another by posting clever near-random
    commentary on a remote computer.
%%
C:
    Short for "chutzpah", a quality needed before tacling even the more
    simplest program with this language. C is also the symbol for the
    speed of light, but that has absolutely nothing to do with how quickly
    one can learn or use the language. C encourages self-documenting
    structured programming through construct such as

        (*wnd->func)(*++addr)

    which means call the routine whose address is stored in the "func"
    part of the structure pointed to by "wnd", and pass to it the contents
    of the cell pointed to by the pointer in "addr" after it (the pointer,
    not the contents) has been incremented. Or something like that.
%%
Clone:
    An acronym standing for "Copied Low-cost Optimal Non-IBM Equipment".
    Often used as a cure for the dreaded Big Blue. Texas, land of
    independent self-styled individualists, is current "Siliclone Valley"
    where imagination is limited only by IBM.
%%
Consultant:
    Unemployed computer expert.
%%
Demo:
    A method of program testing that tends to isolate numerous
    non-reproducible program behaviors. Fixing said abnormalities is
    difficult because they only appear when the debugging software is not
    loaded, and when severeal potential buyers are watching.
%%
EISA:
    Chinese for "we copied it without duplicating it". Inscrutable
    alternative to Micro Channel Architecture, (MCA)>; backed by everybody
    but IBM.
%%
Gang of Nine:
    Originally the Gang of None, this is a group of 100+ coming-of-age
    companies marked by their new-found willingness to tell IBM jokes in
    public, their unwillingness to pay IBM bus royalties. Answer: EISA,
    MCA, and Greyhound. Question: name two dogs and a bus.
%%
Hackers:
    A programmer who grew up tapping out Morse Code on a ham radio, and
    has never forgiven IBM for not putting a front switch panel on the
    original PC.
%%
IBM:
    Standards proposing organization. IBM develops hardware architectures,
    and builds slow underpowered prototypes for other companies to improve
    upon.   See Clone.
%%
Local Area Network (LAN):
    High-tech cousin of the mainframe nominally designed to allow people
    toshare information and snoop into personal letters and resumes queued
    for the laser printer. True rationale is to (a) sell hardware, and (b)
    build data processing (DP) empires. When a DP operation runs smoothly,
    it gets no attention from money-laden-management. LAN's purchased by
    "technology visionaries" to "increase power and future capacity"
    guarantee anomalous problems for years to come. Tech-terrified
    managersare told that bonuses "to keep our valuable people" and more
    hardware budget are the only solutions to the problems. Blackmail buys
    electronic mail.
%%
Micro Channel Architectures (MCA):
    IBM's new bus that carries information in 32-bit packets. The first
    bus developed solely by lawyers, it is considered copy-proof (the
    theory being that no one would want anything created by lawyers). The
    bus is actually 48 bits wide, but the lawyers take 1/3 of anything
    they work on. A not-so-subtle attemt to limit the market to IBM.
%%
Microsoft:
    Contract programming house for IBM, and primary sustainer of the clone
    market. IBM pays MS to write fancy software, then MS tweaks it a
    little, slaps the MS logo on it, and sells it to all the clone folks
    so they can keep competing with IBM. There is no truth to the rumour
    that former Mafioso procure the IBM contracts for MS. All products are
    given generic names (Word, Project, Works, Windows, etc.) to (a)
    confuse everybody unless (b) the name "Microsoft" is constantly
    repeated. Made the founder $300,000,000+ in one day.
%%
NeXT:
    Experimental computer backed by Ross Perot and powered by charisma.
    The main problem is that few homes or offices have charisma outlets.
    Name-wise reminiscent of the "The Last One", an old CP/M program
    so-named because it was powerful enough to create all your future
    application programs (making it the last program you would have to
    buy). It was also powered by charisma.
%%
Novice:
    A person who talks about learning Basic, and spend all of his/her time
    trying to get into the joke and adult message bulletin boards.
%%
Ph.D:
    A user with more sense than money. Ph.D's generally have elegant
    solutions to problems that don's exist. The (top-down, of course)
    solutions always work because they have never been programmed. (Stands
    for piled high and deep, as in B.S., M.S., Ph.D = bull s..t,
    more s..t, etc. ed.)
%%
A hooker accidently hits on a vice cop who's just about to go off-shift,
he really wants to avoid the paperwork of processing this bimbo now,
preferring to go home and eat his dinner. The hooker says: "Anything you
can name with 3 words, $100..eh?" The vice cop nods, but gives her an
address on a piece of paper and says: "How about tomorrow, this address -
same deal?" The tart agrees, and in fact shows up at the vice cop's house
the following day. The cop hands her $100, shows her his badge and says:
"Paint my house."
%%
Kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken.
%%
You know you've been spending too much time with a computer when your
friend misdates a check, and you suggest adding a '++' to fix it.
%%
Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped desing. Unlike most
automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gage, nor any of the
numerous idiot lights wich plague the modern driver. Rather, if the
driver makes any mistake, a giant "?" lights up in the center of the
dashboard. "The experienced driver", he says, "will usually know what's
wrong."
%%
Capitalism is the uequal distribution of Wealth.
Communism is the equal distribution of Poverty.
%%
After the quake, you have the

    Stanford _piecewise_ Linear Accelerator

%%
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
%%
Reality is for people who can't handle Science Fiction.
%%
Forget about searching for the truth, settle for a good fantasy.
%%
Do unto your data that which you can undo.
%%
"To be or not to be that is the question.":
any programmer knows the answer $2b or (not $2b) is $ff.
%%
Q: What is the Brooklyn alphabet?
A: Fuckin' A, fuckin' B, fuckin' C, etc.
%%
Q: What is the meaning of life?
A: Life is a fatal, sexually transmitted disease.
%%
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
%%
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
%%
Q: What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
%%
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
%%
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
%%
The three stages of man

Tri-weekly
Try-weekly
Try-weakly.
%%
Reporter to Mahatma Gandhi:
    "Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization?"
Gandhi:
    "I think it would be a good idea."
%%
Q: What's pink and hard in the morning?
A: The Financial Times crossword.
%%
English Tourist: Hello. Do you farm around here?
Cornish Farmer: Aye.
English Tourist: Fantastic day isn't it?
Cornish Farmer: Aye.
English Tourist: Have you lived here all of your life?
Cornish Farmer: Not yet.
%%
Q: What do you call a LADA with a turbo?
A: A Skoda.
%%
Q: What's red and silver and bumps into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
%%
Q: What is brown and taps on the window?
A: A baby in a microwave.
%%
Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea and whimpers?
A: A nervous wreck.
%%
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
%%
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
%%
A sailor walks into a bar with a wooden leg, hook hand and an eye patch
over his eye. He and the barman starts to talk:
Barman: "What happened to you?"
Sailor: "Well, a whale bit off my leg, I was in a sword fight and lost my
        hand, and then a bird sh*t in my eyes."
Barman: "You don't lose your eye even if a bird sh*ts in it!"
Sailor: "It's easy when you have had the hook for only one week!!!"
%%
Q: What's six foot long, grey and floats in the ocean?
A: Moby's dick.
%%
On an airplane (probably in the first class) a man says to the
stewardess "I'll give you $5000 if I can bite your breast." The
stewardess is scared and goes to the captain and tells him about this.
But the captain says "$5000? Why not? Go for it!" So she sits on the
man's lap and he starts undressing her, touching her, fundling her,
kissing her ... (you name it). After ten minutes (or so) the stewardess
becomes impatient and says "Would you please bite my breast now?" But the
man says "Oh no, that's to expensive."
%%
The latest sports news:

Real Madrid  1  -  Surreal Madrid  Fish
%%
Q: What are the four words you don't want to hear while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home!"
%%
Q: What's red and climb up a womans leg?
A: A homesick abortion.
%%
There was this man in a restaurant who had ordered some soup. But the
waiter kept him waiting (what else does a waiter do). The guy sitting
next to him *did* have a dish with soup in front of him on the table, but
he wasn't eating it. So our man takes this dish with soup and starts
eating. When he's almost finished he noticed a dirty hairy comb on the
bottom of the dish, so he pukes all the soup back into the dish.
Says the guy next to him: "That's just as far as I got."
%%
My wife just got pregnant ... She took seriously what was poked at her
in fun!
%%
Q: What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a
tree?
A: A billiard table.
%%
Q: What's red and invisible?
A: Bloody Nothing!
%%
Q. What's red and read?
A: A sentence with a period.
%%
Jesus is on the ferry across the dead sea when the ferryman says "It'll
be 40 sestetrii (Roman coin) for the crossing."
"Bugger that," says Jesus, "I'll walk."
%%
Mary and Joseph at the door to the inn:
"Do you have a room for the night?"
Innkeeper: "You've got to be joking - it's Christmas!"
%%
Children at the front seat cause accidents,
accidents at the back seat cause children!
%%
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
%%
If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.
%%
Q: What's the definition of Australian foreplay?
A: "Are you awake Sheila?"
%%
1: Did you hear what happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments
to his exorcist?
2: No, what?
1: He was repossessed.
%%
Q: What's stiff and excites women?
A: Elvis Presley.
%%
Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
        When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
        easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger
        have handled this?"
%%
Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you
don't think.
%%
Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the
instruction afterwards.
%%
These two strings walk into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "So
what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quaqg fulk boorg jdk^Cjf
dLkjk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says. "He isn't null-
terminated."
%%
A cucumber and a tomato meet in a saladbar.
Cucumber: "Gee, how come you look so red?"
Tomato: "I saw the salad dressing."
%%
Academe: An ancient school were morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Accuse: To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a
        justification of ourselves for having wronged them.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have
        their hands so deeply inserted into each others' pockets that they
        cannot separately plunder a third.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Back: That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate
in your adversity.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Backbite: To speak of a man as you find him; when he can't find you.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bait: A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind
        is beauty.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Beauty: That power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a
        husband.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady. In English, a deadly poison. A
        striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that
        you do not entertain.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cannon: An instrument used in the rectification of national boundaries.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked
        when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely
        inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his
        neighbour. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as
        they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without
        individual responsibility.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Education: That wich discloses to the wise and disguises from the fool
        their lack of understanding.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than in me.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and
        power, or the consideration to be dead.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Female: One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Forefinger: The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Guillotine: A machine which makes the Frenchman shrug his shoulders with
        good reason.
                            -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hand: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly
        thrust into somebody's pocket.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery
        of another.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Hatred: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Helpmate: A wife, or bitter half.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Incompatibility: In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the
        taste for domination.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Influence: In politics, a visionary 'quo' given in return for a
        substantional 'quid'.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their
        mutual destruction.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Labor: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Lawyer: One skilled in the circumvention of the law.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious posessions.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Liver: A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious
        with.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Love: A temporary insanity cureable either by marriage or by removal of
        the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is
        sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than the
        patient.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master,
        a mistress, and slaves, making (in all) two.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worthwhile.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mine: Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Miracle: An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable,
        as in beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four
        aces and a king.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul. In woman, the outlet of the
        heart.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pedestrian: The variable (and audible) part of a roadway.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be nullified on behalf of a
        single petitioner, admittedly unworthy.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Price: Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear of conscience in
        demanding it.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation
        with least harm to the patient.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rear: In American military affairs, that exposed part of the army that
        is nearest to Congress.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Recollect: To recall with additions something not previously known.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with
        a tempest of words.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Responsibility: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of
        God, Fate, Fortune, Luck, or one's neighbour. In the days of
        astrology, it was customary to unload it upon a star.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent
        bystanders.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Rope: An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are
        mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's
        whole life long.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic
        producer from the greed of his customer.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of
        himself and a wreck of his country.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Witch: (1)   an ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with
        the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in
        wickedness a league beyond the devil.
                    -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
If you don't have something good to say about someone.........
let's hear it.
%%
A house divided.........
is a duplex.
%%
Behind every big man .....
is a big behind
%%
The truth always falls on deaf ears.....
at least thats what I've heard
%%
O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN
-----------------------------

Clenliness is next to impossible.
%%
LIEBERMAN'S LAW
---------------

Everybody lies; but it doesn' matter, since nobody listens.
%%
DENNISON'S LAW
--------------

Virtue is its own punishment.
%%
GOLD'S LAW
----------

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
%%
HANDY GUIDE TO MODERN SCIENCE

If it's green or it wiggles - it's biology
If it stinks, it's chemistry
If it doesn't work, it's physics
%%
CONWAY'S LAW
------------

In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on.
This person MUST be fired.
%%
GREEN'S LAW OF DEBATE
---------------------
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
%%
STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION
----------------------------

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
%%
FIRST RULE OF HISTORY
---------------------

History doesn't repeat itself --- historians merely repeat each other
%%
FINSTER'S LAW
-------------

A closed mouth gathers no feet.
%%
LYNCH'S LAW
-----------

When the going gets tough - everyone leaves.
%%
GLYME'S FORMULA FOR SUCCESS
---------------------------

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
%%
MASON'S FIRST LAW OF SYNERGISM
------------------------------

The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
%%
THE SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE
---------------------

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
%%
HARRISON'S POSTULATE
--------------------

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
%%
HALON'S RAZOR
-------------

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
%%
MUIR'S LAW
----------

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
%%
And the lion will lie down with the sheep.....
but the sheep won't get very much sleep
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right.......
but three lefts do
%%
No man is an island........
except for Raymond Burr
%%
Idle hands are the devils playthings....
busy hands will make you go blind
%%
A man with no vision......
should'nt drive
%%
Bug: An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect.
The activity of "debugging," or removing bugs from a program, ends when
people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.
%%
Cache: A very expensive part of the memory system of a computer that no
one is supposed to know is there.
%%
Design: What you regret not doing later on.
%%
Documentation: Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for
English speaking persons.
%%
Economies of Scale: The notion that bigger is better.  In particular,
that if you want a certain amount of computer power, it is much better
to buy one biggie than a bunch of smallies.  Accepted as an article of
faith by people who love big machines and all that complexity. Rejected
as an article of faith by those who love small machines and all those
limitations.
%%
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
%%
Information Center: A room staffed by professional computer people whose
job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%%
Information Processing: What you call data processing when people are so
disgusted with it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
%%
Machine-independent program: A program that will not run on any machine.
%%
Meeting: An assembly of computer experts coming together to decide what
person or department not represented in the room must solve the problem.
%%
Minicomputer: A computer that can be afforded on the budget of a
middle-level manager.
%%
Office Automation: The use of computers to improve efficiency in the
office by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.
%%
On-line: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
%%
K'T'Inga Class (Imperial Klingon Starship Amar)

                   .-. _ .-.
                  / /-'-`-\ \
             __.-(===========)-.__
     ___.---'\     ( .. .. )     /`---.___
    /.--------\_____`._O_.'_____/--------.\
   /(                                     )\
   \ \                                   / /
    `'                                   `'
%%
K'T'Inga Class (Imperial Klingon Starship Amar)
    _                        _.-------,
  .-.|                 _____/  \[_____|
 ========______.------/____'---------[__
 (    _,--------------\_`---.___________`--,
  `--'                 `---------/  ______/
                              __/__/_____/_____
                             />- [      ]  |===\
                             `-----------------'
%%
Marauder Class (Ferengi Starship Kreech-ta)

        _-------_                                 ___,-===-.___
     ,-'     `--\---.___                     _,--'    /| |\    `--._
   ,'            `._ ,,,`-'`--.__          ,' [__]  _'-----`_  [__] `.
  /_____     ~~~~\\ `--._____    `--_    ,'_   ___,//''"""``\\.___   _`.
 ////////,,,,.________,-'-= `--------`  /('/--'   /_.-------._\   `--\`)\
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
%%
Marauder Class (Ferengi Starship Kreech-ta)
          __,----.____
      _,-' ___// _,','(=
    ,'\        /,' / ~
  ,'\        /_/  /           ____
 /-        /_ /--|        ,--'   ,`-
/-        /__/ []|_______/     ,'- /
|         /  |  /.........\  ,'-,-|
|]      _|,---,  __________ |--|  |
|  []  [__    |] __________ |--|  |
|]       |`---'  .........  |--|  |
|         \__|   \_______ /  `.-`-|
\-        \ _\ []|       \     `.- \
 \-        \ _\--|        `--.____,-
  `./        \_\  \
    `./    ____\`. \ _
       `-.__  \\  `_`,(=
            `----'~
%%
Ambassador Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-C)
                 ___
        ____..--'---`--..____
    =============================
      `---`--.._______..--'---'
        |       _|_|_       |
        `-----.'.---.`.-----'
              ||( O )||
               `-._.-'
%%
AMAZING BUT TRUE...
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
%%
APL hackers do it in the quad.
%%
APL is a write-only language. I can write programs
in APL, but I can't read any of them.
        -- Roy Keir
%%
About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
        -- Herbert Hoover
%%
Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
Western science.
        -- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"
%%
A woman drove me to drink, and I didn't even have the courtesy to
thank her.
%%
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
    -- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
%%
Achilles' Biological Findings:
(1) If a child looks like his father, that's heredity.
If he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
(2) A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came
first -- the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.
%%
Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
%%
Admittedly, there are a lot of things that are better than sex,
and a lot more that are worse; but there's nothing quite like it...
%%
After all is said and done, a hell lot of a lot more is said than done.
%%
After an instrument has been assembled, extra
components will be found on the bench.
%%
After living in New York, you trust nobody,
but you believe everything. Just in case.
%%
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
%%
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
        -- Friedrich Schiller
%%
Aide to Raygun: Sir, the poor are outside protesting your budget cuts.
Raygun himself: Tell them they'll have to help themselves.
Aide to Raygun: Sir, the Pentagon wants another $30 billion.
Raygun himself: Tell them to help themselves.
%%
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
%%
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own
importance.
%%
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
        -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
All a hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ, a loose pair
of UUOs, and a warm place to shift.
%%
All extremists should be taken out and shot.
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enter here!
        -- Dante Alighieri
%%
All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more
specific.
        -- Jane Wagner
%%
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire
on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
        -- Samuel Butler
%%
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
        -- E. Rutherford
%%
All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
hands.
        -- Saint Patrick
%%
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
%%
All the passions make us commit faults; love makes
us commit the most ridiculous ones.
        -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
        -- Sean O'Casey
%%
All things are possible except skiing thru a revolving door.
%%
All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot;
Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom, He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous, All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous, The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet, Each beastly little squid.
Who made the spikey urchin? Who made the sharks? He did.
All things scabbed and ulcerous, All pox both great and small.
Putrid, foul and gangrenous, The Lord God made them all.
-- Monty Python's Flying Circus
%%
All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for
fun. Money's just the way we keep score.
%%
All's well that ends.
%%
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
%%
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
%%
Always talk to your wife while you're
making love...if there's a phone handy.
%%
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing
that way.
%%
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
        -- Charlie McCarthy
%%
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
%%
An Army travels on her stomach.
%%
An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine,
but because people refuse to see it.
        -- James Michener, "Space"
%%
An authority is a person who can tell you more
about something than you really care to know.
%%
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
%%
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
%%
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less
until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
%%
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
%%
An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see
a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of
pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking
enlightenment. I have given up everything I was asked to give up and I
have suffered, but I have not been enlightened. What should I do?"
Otis replied, "Give up suffering."
        -- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
%%
Anarchy may not be a better form of government,
but it's better than no government at all.
%%
And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"
They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of
the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of
the context of our very selfhood revealed."
And Jesus replied, "What?"
%%
And as we stand on the edge of darkness
Let our chant fill the void
That others may know
In the land of the night
The ship of the sun
Is drawn by
The grateful dead.
        -- Tibetan "Book of the Dead" ca. 4000 BC.
%%
And the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course,
merely a courtesy detail.
%%
And the northern lights commenced to glow.
And she said, with a tear in her eye,
"Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."
        -- Frank Zappa, "The Story of Nanook and the Fur Trapper"
%%
Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
%%
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least
accessible corner of the workshop.
Corollary:
On the way to the corner, any dropped tool
will first strike your toes.
%%
Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer,
my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any
resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic.
The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold
them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of
the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god
coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism
is beyond the scope of this article.)
%%
Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object.
%%
Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient
to exactly the point of most pressure.
        -- Milt Barber
%%
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
        -- Rich Kulawiec
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
        -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Any time things appear to be going better,
you have overlooked something.
%%
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't
the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
        -- Robert Benchley
%%
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
        -- Publilius Syrus
%%
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby"
has never tried taking candy from a baby.
        -- Robin Hood
%%
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
%%
Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't. The label means
the price went up. The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW"
means the price went way up.
%%
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
%%
Anytime things appear to be going better, you've overlooked something.
%%
Apple owners do it with mice.
%%
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
shoes.
        -- Mickey Mouse
%%
measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you
imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
        -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%%
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
        -- Paul Gauguin
%%
Arthur's Laws of Love:
(1) People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
remind them of someone else.
(2) The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be
delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of
yourself in person.
%%
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
%%
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
        -- Albert Einstein
%%
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that
there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
        -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
%%
Assassins do it from behind.
%%
At any given moment, an arrow must be either where it is or where it is
not. But obviously it cannot be where it is not. And if it is where
it is, that is equivalent to saying that it is at rest.
        -- Zeno's paradox of the moving (still?) arrow
%%
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than
when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.
        -- Marshall Lumsden
%%
At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
the computer.
%%
Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.
        -- G. J. Danton
%%
BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of 'Scientific Creationism'.
%%
Bad men live that they may eat and drink,
whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
        -- Socrates
%%
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
%%
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward
from the floor -- especially in the dark.
%%
Barth's Distinction:
There are two types of people: those who divide people
into two types, and those who don't.
%%
Baruch's Observation:
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
%%
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
(1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
(2) Advising the President.
(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
        -- David Letterman
%%
Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
%%
Be careful when eating bananas. Monsters might slip on the peels.
%%
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
        -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
%%
Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and
took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his
followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and
there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.
"Tell me, you dumb beast," demanded the Priest in his
commanding voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile? What is your
Purpose in Life, anyway?"
Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU". (The
Chinese ideogram for No-Thing.)
Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened.
Primarily because nobody understood Chinese.
        -- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
%%
Before he went off to the wars, King Arthur locked his lovely wife,
Guinevere, into her chastity belt. Then he summoned his loyal friend and
subject Sir Lancelot. "Lancelot, noble knight," said Arthur, "within this
sturdy belt is imprisoned the virtue of my wife. The key to this chaste
treasure I will entrust to only one man in the world. To you."
Humbled before this great honor, Lancelot knelt, received his king's
blessing and took charge of the key. Arthur mounted his steed and rode off.
Not half a mile from his castle, he heard hoofbeats behind him and turned
to see Sir Lancelot riding hard to catch up with him.
"What is amiss, my friend?" asked the king.
"My lord," gasped Lancelot, "you have given me the wrong key!"
%%
Beifeld's Principle:
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and
receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when
he is already in the company of:
(1) a date
(2) his wife
(3) a better looking and richer male friend.
%%
Being ugly isn't illegal. Yet.
%%
Bend over and take it like a man!
%%
Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence.
        -- Time Bandits
%%
Better leave the dungeon, otherwise you might get hurt badly.
%%
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
        -- Leonard Brandwein
%%
Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
%%
Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and
finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of
murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by
their ignorance the hard way.
        -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
%%
Beware of the minotaur. He's very horny!
%%
Beware of the potion of nitroglycerin - it's not for the weak of heart.
%%
Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted.
Bill Is Inncocent!
%%
Biology is the only science in which multiplication
means the same thing as division.
%%
Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
%%
Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the earth.
%%
Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
%%
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
%%
Blore's Razor:
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
%%
Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
%%
Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:
Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because
it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
%%
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
%%
Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.
%%
Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.
%%
Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.
%%
Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize
them into a committee -- that will do them in.
%%
Brain fried -- Core dumped
%%
Brain fried -- Memory dumped
%%
Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
%%
Brooke's Law:
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
discovers something which either abolishes the system or
expands it beyond recognition.
%%
Bus error -- passengers dumped.
%%
But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
        -- Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers"
%%
By doing just a little every day, you can gradually
let the task completely overwhelm you.
%%
By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact,
it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to
invent.
        -- R. Emerson
%%
By working faithfully eight hours a day,
you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.
        -- Robert Frost
%%
Byte your tongue.
%%
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
%%
Cahn's Axiom:
When all else fails, read the instructions.
%%
Canada Bill Jone's Motto:
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement:
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
%%
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
%%
Cave(wo)men all belong to the same club.
%%
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
%%
Chapter 1
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot
of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
%%
Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
%%
Children are natural mimic who act like their parents
despite every effort to teach them good manners.
%%
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency
they're going to catch you in next.
        -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
        -- Ogden Nash
%%
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually
repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
%%
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
%%
Christianity has not been tried and found wanting;
it has been found difficult and not tried.
        -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
Clark Kent is a transvestite.
%%
Coito ergo sum.
%%
College is like a woman -- you work so hard to get in,
and nine months later you wish you'd never come.
%%
Colvard's Logical Premises:
All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary:
This is especially true when dealing with someone you're attracted to.
Grelb's Commentary:
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
%%
Communists do it without class.
%%
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
%%
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
        -- Gilb
%%
Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe.
%%
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
        -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Conserve energy -- make love more slowly.
%%
Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal
it is which never entrusts its life to one hole only.
        -- Titus Maccius Plautus
%%
Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person
who knows what is going on.
This person must be fired.
%%
Cox's Philosophy:
Life's a bitch, then you die.
%%
Crime does not pay...as well as politics.
        -- A. E. Newman
%%
Cunnilingus is next to godliness.
%%
Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you?
First you rape, then you pillage!!
%%
David was just a shepherd who liked to get his rocks off in leather.
%%
DeVries' Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the
paper.
%%
Dealing with failure is easy: Work hard to improve. Success is also
easy to handle: You've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.
%%
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
%%
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
%%
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
        -- R. Geis
%%
Death is nature's way of saying 'Howdy'.
%%
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
%%
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by
the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
        -- G. B. Shaw
%%
Descend in order to meet more decent monsters.
%%
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a
conventional thing to happen to him.
        -- John Barrymore's dying words
%%
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
%%
Divers do it deeper.
%%
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
%%
Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
        -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of the wizards
for they are crunchy and good with ketchup.
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of the wizards
for they are subtle and quick to anger.
%%
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out if it alive.
%%
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
%%
Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
%%
Do you want to visit hell? Dig a *very* deep hole.
%%
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
%%
Don't drink when you drive -- you might hit a bump and spill it.
%%
Don't feed the bats tonight.
%%
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
%%
Don't play hack at your work, your boss might hit you.
%%
Don't remember what you can infer.
        -- Harry Tennant
%%
Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
%%
Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice,
Unless you get a good percentage of her price...
        -- Tom Lehrer
%%
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
%%
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
%%
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.
They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
%%
Down with categorical imperative!
%%
Draft beer, not people.
%%
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
%%
Drinking might affect your health.
%%
Drinking potions of booze may land you in jail if you are under 21.
%%
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
%%
Ducharm's Axiom:
If you view your problem closely enough you will
recognize yourself as part of the problem.
%%
Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
%%
Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production
of great leaders has been discontinued.
%%
Dungeon expects every monster to do his duty.
%%
Dust is an armor of poor quality.
%%
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice
to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
        -- W. Somerset Maughm
%%
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London:
Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall
be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind
person shall be deemed to be a cat.
%%
Ambassador Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-C)
                                 ________
                          ___---'--------`--..____
    ,-------------------.============================
    (__________________<|_)   `--.._______..--'
          |   |   ___,--' - _  /
       ,--'   `--'            |
       ~~~~~~~`-._            |
                  `-.______,-'
%%
Ambassador Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-C)

     ___________________ _      __.-------.__
    /  /||||||||||||||\ | \  .-'             `-.
    \__\||||||||||||||/_|_/.'   \  ,-----,  /   `.
       ~~~~\~~~~\~~~~~~ __/ `,   \         /   ,' \
        _,--` ___\__,--' /   /`,  \   ___ /  ,'    \
       /__,--'    ______|       `,---`__ \ ,'  \    |
        | -------`. .   |       |==,-`  ` |    |    |
       _|_-------,______|       |==`-,__' |    |    |
       \_ `--,___ __    |       ,`---,___/ `,  /    |
         `--,    /  `--._\   \,'  /       \  `,    /
     ______/____/_________\ ,'   /         \   `, /
    /  /||||||||||||||\ | \`.   /  `-----'  \   .'
    \__\||||||||||||||/_|_/  `-.__         __.-'
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~           `-------'
%%
Constitution Class - Refit (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-A)

   __________________       .-------.
  /_________________-)   .-'         `-.
             `.  \      /               \
               `. \    /                 \
            _____\ \--|       _.--,       |
           /|________-|.-._  /_.-. |      |
           \|_____   -|`-'   \_`-' |      |
                 / /--|        `--'       |
               ,' /    \                 /
  ___________,'__/___   \               /
  \_________________-)   `-.         .-'
                            `-------'
%%
Eat 10 cloves of garlic and keep all humans at a two-square distance.
%%
Eat the rich -- the poor are tough and stringy.
%%
Education kills by degrees.
%%
Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature
to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.
        -- Bellamy Brooks
%%
Ehrman's Commentary:
(1) Things will get worse before they get better.
(2) Who said things would get better?
%%
Einstein rules relatively ok.
%%
Emersons' Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do
what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
%%
Enjoy every minute. There's plenty of time to be dead.
%%
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
        -- Menander
%%
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman
without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
        -- Robert Benchley
%%
Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
        -- Poor Richard
%%
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
        -- Kehlog Albran
%%
Ever notice that even the busiest people are
never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
%%
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
%%
Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for
which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
%%
Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
%%
Every solution breeds new problems.
%%
Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure
is no guarantee of eventual success.
%%
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
%%
Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had
to be taught how not. So it is with the great programmers.
%%
Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic
formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the
scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact
wholly unconcerned with what does exist. Indeed, the banality of
existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to
discuss it any further here. The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the
problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the
mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all,
one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely
different way...
%%
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
%%
Excellent time to become a missing person.
%%
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you
recognize a mistake when you make it again.
        -- F. P. Jones
%%
FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at...uh, when
the little hand is on the....
%%
Faith:  not *wanting* to know what is true.
        -- Nietzsche
%%
Famous last words:
"Don't worry, I can handle it."
"You and what army?"
"If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop."
%%
Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has
the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
%%
Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
%%
Finagle's Creed:
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
%%
Finagle's first Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
%%
Finagle's fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve
it only makes it worse.
%%
Finagle's second Law:
No matter what the anticipated result, there will
always be someone eager to
(a) misinterpret it
(b) fake it
(c) believe it happened according to his own pet theory.
%%
Finagle's third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
Corollaries:
(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
(2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really
don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
%%
Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
%%
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
%%
First Law of Bicycling:
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
%%
First Law of Hacking: leaving is much more difficult than entering.
%%
First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.
%%
First Rule of History:
History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
%%
Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
        -- Helen Rowland
%%
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and
wrong.
        -- H. L. Mencken
%%
For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used
for thirty years. This gives me great hope for the human race.
        -- Harlan Ellison
%%
Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
Corollary:
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do
except study for that instructor's course.
%%
Fourth Law of Hacking: you will find the exit at the entrance.
%%
Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
%%
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
        -- H. H. Williams
%%
G's Third Law:
In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
H's Dictum:
There is no magic...
%%
Gautama Principle:
You cannot cross a river in two leaps.
%%
George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but
he also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn't
punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand.
%%
Ginsberg's Theorem:
(1) You can't win.
(2) You can't break even.
(3) You can't even quit the game.
Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
Theorem. To wit:
(1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
%%
Give a man free hands and you'll know where to find them.
        -- Mae West
%%
Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
%%
Give thought to your reputation. Consider
changing name and moving to a new town.
%%
God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on
where to go.
"Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter.
"No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God.
"Well, how about Mercury?"
"No, it's too hot there."
"Okay," said St. Peter, "What about Earth?"
"No," said God,"They're such horrible gossips. When I was
there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're
still talking about it."
%%
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example.
        -- La Rouchefoucauld
%%
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
%%
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
%%
Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
        -- George Saunders' dying words
%%
Gordon does it in a Flash.
%%
Got Mole problems?
Call Avogardo 6.02 x 10^23
%%
Grain grows best in shit.
        -- Ursula K. LeGuin
%%
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
%%
Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly
noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.
%%
Gray's Law of Programming:
'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same
time as 'n' tasks.
Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law:
'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
%%
Grinnell's Law of Labor Laxity:
At all times, for any task, you have not got enough done today.
%%
Grub first, then ethics.
        -- Bertolt Brecht
%%
Hackers do it bottom-up.
%%
Hackers do it with all sorts of characters.
%%
Hackers do it with fewer instructions.
%%
Haggis:
Haggis is a kind of stuff black pudding eaten by the Scots and
considered by them to be not only a delicacy but fit for human
consumption. The minced heart, liver and lungs of a sheep, calf
or other animal's inner organs are mixed with oatmeal, sealed
and boiled in maw in the sheep's intestinal stomach-bag and...
[Excuse me a minute. Ed.]
%%
Hail to the sun god
He's such a fun god
Ra! Ra! Ra!
%%
Hand: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly
thrust into somebody's pocket.
%%
Handy Guide to Modern Science
(1) If it's green or it wriggles, it's biology.
(2) If it stinks, it's chemistry.
(3) If it doesn't work, it's physics.
%%
Hang gliders come down very slowly.
%%
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
%%
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.
        -- Daniel Dennett
%%
Harris's Lament:
All the good ones are taken.
%%
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
%%
Have a good meal today: eat a minotaur.
%%
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
%%
He who enters his wife's dressing room is a philosopher or a fool.
        -- Balzac
%%
He who findeth sensuous pleasures in the bodies of lush, hot, pink
damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.
%%
He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much
a master of the world as he who is ready to die.
        -- Giacomo Leopardi
%%
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
        -- Lao Tsu
%%
He who trains his tongue to quote the learned
sages, will be known far and wide as a smart ass.
        -- Howard Kandel
%%
He's just a politician trying to save both his faces.
%%
Hear about...
the doctor that prescribed sex for insommia? His patients didn't
get any more sleep, but they had more fun staying awake.
%%
Hear about...
the girl with the big wardrobe who started with just a little slip?
%%
Hear about...
the guy who took a course in exotic lovemaking and announced
that he'd never be able to face his girl again?
%%
Hear about...
the guy who was an incurable romantic until penicillin came along?
%%
Heaven can wait.
%%
Heisenberg may have done it.
%%
Heisengberg might have been here.
%%
Heller's Law:
The first myth of management is that it exists.
Johnson's Corollary:
Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.
%%
Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
%%
History has the relation to truth that theology
has to religion -- i.e., none to speak of.
        -- Lazarus Long
%%
Hitting is the lingua franca in these regions.
%%
Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
%%
Hog Weighing Method:
(1) Get a perfectly symmetrical plank and balance it across a sawhorse.
(2) Put the hog on one end of the plank.
(3) Pile rocks on the other end until the plank is again perfectly
    balanced.
(4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
        -- Robert Burns
%%
Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
%%
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
%%
Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
%%
Humility is the first of the virtues -- for other people.
        -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
%%
Hungry? There is an abundance of food on the next level.
%%
Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
to.....to........uh..............
%%
Hypocrisy is the vaseline of social intercourse.
%%
Q. What is worse than a bull in a China shop?
A. A dingo in a nursery.
%%
Q. What has six legs and runs around Ayers Rock?
A. A dingo with a baby in its mouth.
%%
Q. What are test-tube babies most afraid of?
A. A dingo with a straw.
%%
Q. How do you bring up a baby in the Northern Territory?
A. Stick your fingers down a dingo's throat.
%%
Q. What is the definition of suspicion?
A. A dingo pushing a pram around Ayers Rock.
%%
Q. Why did the dingo eat the little girl?
A. She was dressed up like a dog's dinner.
%%
Q. What is the definition of revenge?
A. A baby with a dingo in its mouth.
%%
Q. What do you call two babies in a pram on the top of Ayers Rock?
A. Meals On Wheels.
%%
Q. What did one dingo say to the other dingo as they stood outside the tent
   at Ayers Rock?
A. Shall we eat in, or take away?
%%
Q. What do vegetarian dingoes eat?
A. Cabbage Patch Kids.
%%
Q. What kind of wood doesn't float?
A. Natalie Wood.
%%
Q. What is the similarity between a Russian fighter pilot and a pair of skis?
A. They both shoot down slopes.
%%
Q. Where was the Korean airliner headed?
A. Everywhere.
%%
Q. Who taught Grace Kelley to drive?
A. Edward Kennedy.
%%
Q. What is silver and red and flies through the air?
A. Jack Newton's wristwatch.
%%
Q. What is the force required to stop an aeroplane propellor?
A. Half a Newton.
%%
Q. Why doesn't Jack Newton fly QANTAS?
A. It costs an arm and a leg.
%%
Q. Why did Jack Newton walk into the propellor?
A. To better his handicap.
%%
Q. What's Jack Newton's favorite song?
A. "Drop the Pilot" by Joan Trade-An-Arm-In.
%%
Q. What's worse than playing Jack Newton at golf?
A. Picking him up at the airport.
%%
Q. What is the temperature in North Adelaide?
A. Minus one Kelvin.
%%
Q. What does NASA stand for?
A. Need Another Seven Astronauts.
%%
Q. How do you fit eleven astronauts in a mini?
A. Two in the front, two in the back, and seven in the ashtray.
%%
Q. Why did the Australian Cricket Team travel to Cape Canaveral?
A. To recover The Ashes.
%%
:bubble sort: n. Techspeak for a particular sorting technique in
   which pairs of adjacent values in the list to be sorted are
   compared and interchanged if they are out of order; thus, list
   entries `bubble upward' in the list until they bump into one with a
   lower sort value.  Because it is not very good relative to other
   methods and is the one typically stumbled on by {na"ive} and
   untutored programmers, hackers consider it the {canonical}
   example of a na"ive algorithm.  The canonical example of a really
   *bad* algorithm is {bogo-sort}.  A bubble sort might be used
   out of ignorance, but any use of bogo-sort could issue only from
   brain damage or willful perversity.
%%
:bucky bits: /buh'kee bits/ n. 1. obs. The bits produced by the CONTROL and META shift keys on a SAIL keyboard 
   (octal 200 and 400 respectively), resulting in a 9-bit keyboard character set.  The MIT AI TV (Knight) 
   keyboards extended this with TOP and separate left and right CONTROL and META keys, resulting in a 12-bit
   character set; later, LISP Machines added such keys as SUPER, HYPER, and GREEK (see {space-cadet keyboard}).
   2. By extension, bits associated with `extra' shift keys on any keyboard, e.g., the ALT on an IBM PC or 
   command and option keys on a Macintosh.

   It is rumored that `bucky bits' were named for Buckminster Fuller during a period when he was consulting at
   Stanford.  Actually, `Bucky' was Niklaus Wirth's nickname when *he* was at Stanford; he first suggested the
   idea of an EDIT key to set the 8th bit of an otherwise 7-bit ASCII character.  This was used in a number of
   editors written at Stanford or in its environs (TV-EDIT and NLS being the best-known).  The term spread to 
   MIT and CMU early and is now in general use.  See {double bucky}, {quadruple bucky}.
%%
:buffer overflow: n. What happens when you try to stuff more data into a 
   buffer (holding area) than it can handle. This may be due to a mismatch
   in the processing rates of the producing and consuming processes 
   (see {overrun} and {firehose syndrome}), or because the buffer is simply 
   too small to hold all the data that must accumulate before a piece of it 
   can be processed.  For example, in a text-processing tool that {crunch}es 
   a line at a time, a short line buffer can result in {lossage} as input 
   from a long line overflows the buffer and trashes data beyond it.  Good
   defensive programming would check for overflow on each character and stop 
   accepting data when the buffer is full up.  The term is used of and by 
   humans in a metaphorical sense.  "What time did I agree to meet you?  
   My buffer must have overflowed."  Or "If I answer that phone my buffer 
   is going to overflow."  See also {spam}, {overrun screw}.
%%
:bug: n. An unwanted and unintended property of a program or piece
   of hardware, esp. one that causes it to malfunction.  Antonym of
   {feature}.  Examples: "There's a bug in the editor: it writes
   things out backwards."  "The system crashed because of a hardware
   bug."  "Fred is a winner, but he has a few bugs" (i.e., Fred is
   a good guy, but he has a few personality problems).

   Historical note: Some have said this term came from telephone
   company usage, in which "bugs in a telephone cable" were blamed
   for noisy lines, but this appears to be an incorrect folk
   etymology.  Admiral Grace Hopper (an early computing pioneer better
   known for inventing {COBOL}) liked to tell a story in which a
   technician solved a persistent {glitch} in the Harvard Mark II
   machine by pulling an actual insect out from between the contacts
   of one of its relays, and she subsequently promulgated {bug} in
   its hackish sense as a joke about the incident (though, as she was
   careful to admit, she was not there when it happened).  For many
   years the logbook associated with the incident and the actual bug
   in question (a moth) sat in a display case at the Naval Surface
   Warfare Center.  The entire story, with a picture of the logbook
   and the moth taped into it, is recorded in the `Annals of the
   History of Computing', Vol. 3, No. 3 (July 1981), pp. 285--286.
%%
:bug-compatible: adj. Said of a design or revision that has been
   badly compromised by a requirement to be compatible with
   {fossil}s or {misfeature}s in other programs or (esp.)
   previous releases of itself. "MS-DOS 2.0 used \ as a path
   separator to be bug-compatible with some cretin's choice of / as an
   option character in 1.0."
%%
:bug-for-bug compatible: n. Same as {bug-compatible}, with the
   additional implication that much tedious effort went into ensuring
   that each (known) bug was replicated.
%%
:buglix: /buhg'liks/ n. Pejorative term referring to DEC's ULTRIX
   operating system in its earlier *severely* buggy versions.
   Still used to describe ULTRIX, but without venom.  Compare
   {AIDX}, {HP-SUX}, {Nominal Semidestructor}, {Telerat},
   {sun-stools}.
%%
:bulletproof: adj. Used of an algorithm or implementation considered
   extremely {robust}; lossage-resistant; capable of correctly
   recovering from any imaginable exception condition.  This is a rare
   and valued quality.  Syn. {armor-plated}.
%%
:bum: 1. vt. To make highly efficient, either in time or space,
   often at the expense of clarity.  "I managed to bum three more
   instructions out of that code."  "I spent half the night bumming
   the interrupt code."  In {elder days}, John McCarthy (inventor
   of {LISP}) used to compare some efficiency-obsessed hackers
   among his students to "ski bums"; thus, optimization became
   "program bumming", and eventually just "bumming".  2. To
   squeeze out excess; to remove something in order to improve
   whatever it was removed from (without changing function; this
   distinguishes the process from a {featurectomy}).  3. n. A small
   change to an algorithm, program, or hardware device to make it more
   efficient.  "This hardware bum makes the jump instruction
   faster."  Usage: now uncommon, largely superseded by v. {tune}
   (and n. {tweak}, {hack}), though none of these exactly
   capture sense 2.  All these uses are rare in Commonwealth hackish,
   because in the parent dialects of English `bum' is a rude synonym
   for `buttocks'.
%%
:bump: vt. Synonym for increment.  Has the same meaning as
   C's ++ operator.  Used esp. of counter variables, pointers, and
   index dummies in `for', `while', and `do-while'
   loops.
%%
:burble: [from Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky"] v. Like {flame},
   but connotes that the source is truly clueless and ineffectual
   (mere flamers can be competent).  A term of deep contempt.
   "There's some guy on the phone burbling about how he got a DISK
   FULL error and it's all our comm software's fault."
%%
:buried treasure: n. A surprising piece of code found in some
   program.  While usually not wrong, it tends to vary from {crufty}
   to {bletcherous}, and has lain undiscovered only because it was
   functionally correct, however horrible it is.  Used sarcastically,
   because what is found is anything *but* treasure.  Buried
   treasure almost always needs to be dug up and removed.  "I just
   found that the scheduler sorts its queue using {bubble sort}!
   Buried treasure!"
%%
:burn-in period: n. 1. A factory test designed to catch systems
   with {marginal} components before they get out the door; the
   theory is that burn-in will protect customers by outwaiting the
   steepest part of the {bathtub curve} (see {infant
   mortality}).  2. A period of indeterminate length in which a person
   using a computer is so intensely involved in his project that he
   forgets basic needs such as food, drink, sleep, etc.  Warning:
   Excessive burn-in can lead to burn-out.  See {hack mode},
   {larval stage}.
%%
:busy-wait: vi. Used of human behavior, conveys that the subject is
   busy waiting for someone or something, intends to move instantly as
   soon as it shows up, and thus cannot do anything else at the
   moment.  "Can't talk now, I'm busy-waiting till Bill gets off the
   phone."

   Technically, `busy-wait' means to wait on an event by
   {spin}ning through a tight or timed-delay loop that polls for
   the event on each pass, as opposed to setting up an interrupt
   handler and continuing execution on another part of the task.  This
   is a wasteful technique, best avoided on time-sharing systems where
   a busy-waiting program may {hog} the processor.
%%
:buzz: vi. 1. Of a program, to run with no indication of progress
   and perhaps without guarantee of ever finishing; esp. said of
   programs thought to be executing tight loops of code.  A program
   that is buzzing appears to be {catatonic}, but you never get out
   of catatonia, while a buzzing loop may eventually end of its own
   accord.  "The program buzzes for about 10 seconds trying to sort
   all the names into order."  See {spin}; see also {grovel}.
   2. [ETA Systems] To test a wire or printed circuit trace for
   continuity by applying an AC rather than DC signal.  Some wire
   faults will pass DC tests but fail a buzz test.  3. To process an
   array or list in sequence, doing the same thing to each element.
   "This loop buzzes through the tz array looking for a terminator
   type."
%%
:BWQ: /B-W-Q/ [IBM: abbreviation, `Buzz Word Quotient'] The
   percentage of buzzwords in a speech or documents.  Usually roughly
   proportional to {bogosity}.  See {TLA}.
%%
:by hand: adv. Said of an operation (especially a repetitive,
   trivial, and/or tedious one) that ought to be performed
   automatically by the computer, but which a hacker instead has to
   step tediously through.  "My mailer doesn't have a command to
   include the text of the message I'm replying to, so I have to do it
   by hand."  This does not necessarily mean the speaker has to
   retype a copy of the message; it might refer to, say, dropping into
   a {subshell} from the mailer, making a copy of one's mailbox file,
   reading that into an editor, locating the top and bottom of the
   message in question, deleting the rest of the file, inserting `>'
   characters on each line, writing the file, leaving the editor,
   returning to the mailer, reading the file in, and later remembering
   to delete the file.  Compare {eyeball search}.
%%
:byte:: /bi:t/ [techspeak] n. A unit of memory or data equal to
   the amount used to represent one character; on modern architectures
   this is usually 8 bits, but may be 9 on 36-bit machines.  Some
   older architectures used `byte' for quantities of 6 or 7 bits, and
   the PDP-10 supported `bytes' that were actually bitfields of
   1 to 36 bits!  These usages are now obsolete, and even 9-bit bytes
   have become rare in the general trend toward power-of-2 word sizes.

   Historical note: The term originated in 1956 during the early
   design phase for the IBM Stretch computer; originally it was
   described as 1 to 6 bits (typical I/O equipment of the period
   used 6-bit chunks of information).  The move to an 8-bit byte
   happened in late 1956, and this size was later adopted and
   promulgated as a standard by the System/360.  The term `byte' was
   coined by mutating the word `bite' so it would not be accidentally
   misspelled as {bit}.  See also {nybble}.
%%
:bytesexual: /bi:t`sek'shu-*l/ adj. Said of hardware, denotes
   willingness to compute or pass data in either {big-endian} or
   {little-endian} format (depending, presumably, on a {mode bit}
   somewhere).  See also {NUXI problem}.
%%
:bzzzt, wrong: /bzt rong/ [USENET/Internet] From a Robin Williams
   routine in the movie "Dead Poets Society" spoofing radio or
   TV quiz programs, such as *Truth or Consequences*, where an
   incorrect answer earns one a blast from the buzzer and condolences
   from the interlocutor.  A way of expressing mock-rude disagreement,
   usually immediately following an included quote from another
   poster.  The less abbreviated "*Bzzzzt*, wrong, but thank you for
   playing" is also common; capitalization and emphasis of the
   buzzer sound varies.
%%
:C: n. 1. The third letter of the English alphabet.  2. ASCII
   1000011.  3. The name of a programming language designed by
   Dennis Ritchie during the early 1970s and immediately used to
   reimplement {{UNIX}}; so called because many features derived
   from an earlier compiler named `B' in commemoration of
   *its* parent, BCPL.  Before Bjarne Stroustrup settled the
   question by designing C++, there was a humorous debate over whether
   C's successor should be named `D' or `P'.  C became immensely
   popular outside Bell Labs after about 1980 and is now the dominant
   language in systems and microcomputer applications programming.
   See also {languages of choice}, {indent style}.

   C is often described, with a mixture of fondness and disdain
   varying according to the speaker, as "a language that combines
   all the elegance and power of assembly language with all the
   readability and maintainability of assembly language".
%%
:C Programmer's Disease: n. The tendency of the undisciplined C
   programmer to set arbitrary but supposedly generous static limits
   on table sizes (defined, if you're lucky, by constants in header
   files) rather than taking the trouble to do proper dynamic storage
   allocation.  If an application user later needs to put 68 elements
   into a table of size 50, the afflicted programmer reasons that he
   can easily reset the table size to 68 (or even as much as 70, to
   allow for future expansion), and recompile.  This gives the
   programmer the comfortable feeling of having done his bit to
   satisfy the user's (unreasonable) demands, and often affords the
   user multiple opportunities to explore the marvelous consequences
   of {fandango on core}.  In severe cases of the disease, the
   programmer cannot comprehend why each fix of this kind seems only
   to further disgruntle the user.
%%
:can: vt. To abort a job on a time-sharing system.  Used esp. when the
   person doing the deed is an operator, as in "canned from the
   {{console}}".  Frequently used in an imperative sense, as in "Can
   that print job, the LPT just popped a sprocket!"  Synonymous with
   {gun}.  It is said that the ASCII character with mnemonic CAN
   (0011000) was used as a kill-job character on some early OSes.
%%
:can't happen: The traditional program comment for code executed
   under a condition that should never be true, for example a file
   size computed as negative.  Often, such a condition being true
   indicates data corruption or a faulty algorithm; it is almost
   always handled by emitting a fatal error message and terminating or
   crashing, since there is little else that can be done.  This is
   also often the text emitted if the `impossible' error actually
   happens!  Although "can't happen" events are genuinely infrequent
   in production code, programmers wise enough to check for them
   habitually are often surprised at how often they are triggered
   during development and how many headaches checking for them turns
   out to head off.
%%
:candygrammar: n. A programming-language grammar that is mostly
   {syntactic sugar}; the term is also a play on `candygram'.
   {COBOL}, Apple's Hypertalk language, and a lot of the so-called
   `4GL' database languages are like this.  The usual intent of such
   designs is that they be as English-like as possible, on the theory
   that they will then be easier for unskilled people to program.
   This intention comes to grief on the reality that syntax isn't what
   makes programming hard; it's the mental effort and organization
   required to specify an algorithm precisely that costs.  Thus the
   invariable result is that `candygrammar' languages are just as
   difficult to program in as terser ones, and far more painful for
   the experienced hacker.

   [The overtones from the old Chevy Chase skit on Saturday Night Live
   should not be overlooked.  (This was a "Jaws" parody.
   Someone lurking outside an apartment door tries all kinds of bogus
   ways to get the occupant to open up, while ominous music plays in
   the background.  The last attempt is a half-hearted "Candygram!"
   When the door is opened, a shark bursts in and chomps the poor
   occupant.  There is a moral here for those attracted to
   candygrammars.  Note that, in many circles, pretty much the same
   ones who remember Monty Python sketches, all it takes is the word
   "Candygram!", suitably timed, to get people rolling on the
   floor.) --- GLS]
%%
:card: n. 1. An electronic printed-circuit board (see also {tall
   card}, {short card}.  2. obs. Syn. {{punched card}}.
%%
:card walloper: n. An EDP programmer who grinds out batch programs
   that do stupid things like print people's paychecks.  Compare
   {code grinder}.  See also {{punched card}}, {eighty-column
   mind}.
%%
:careware: /keir'weir/ n. {Shareware} for which either the
   author suggests that some payment be made to a nominated charity
   or a levy directed to charity is included on top of the
   distribution charge.  Syn. {charityware}; compare
   {crippleware}, sense 2.
%%
:cargo cult programming: n. A style of (incompetent) programming
   dominated by ritual inclusion of code or program structures that
   serve no real purpose.  A cargo cult programmer will usually
   explain the extra code as a way of working around some bug
   encountered in the past, but usually neither the bug nor the reason
   the code apparently avoided the bug was ever fully understood
   (compare {shotgun debugging}, {voodoo programming}).

   The term `cargo cult' is a reference to aboriginal religions that
   grew up in the South Pacific after World War II.  The practices of
   these cults center on building elaborate mockups of airplanes and
   military style landing strips in the hope of bringing the return of
   the god-like airplanes that brought such marvelous cargo during the
   war.  Hackish usage probably derives from Richard Feynman's
   characterization of certain practices as "cargo cult science" in
   his book `Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman' (W. W. Norton
   & Co, New York 1985, ISBN 0-393-01921-7).
%%
:cascade: n. 1. A huge volume of spurious error-message output
   produced by a compiler with poor error recovery.  This can happen
   when one initial error throws the parser out of synch so that much
   of the remaining program text is interpreted as garbaged or
   ill-formed.  2. A chain of USENET followups each adding some
   trivial variation of riposte to the text of the previous one, all
   of which is reproduced in the new message; an {include war} in which
   the object is to create a sort of communal graffito.
%%
:case and paste: [from `cut and paste'] n. 1. The addition of a new
   {feature} to an existing system by selecting the code from an
   existing feature and pasting it in with minor changes.  Common in
   telephony circles because most operations in a telephone switch are
   selected using `case' statements.  Leads to {software bloat}.

   In some circles of EMACS users this is called `programming by
   Meta-W', because Meta-W is the EMACS command for copying a block of
   text to a kill buffer in preparation to pasting it in elsewhere.
   The term is condescending, implying that the programmer is acting
   mindlessly rather than thinking carefully about what is required to
   integrate the code for two similar cases.
%%
:casters-up mode: [IBM] n. Yet another synonym for `broken' or
   `down'.  Usually connotes a major failure.  A system (hardware or
   software) which is `down' may be already being restarted before
   the failure is noticed, whereas one which is `casters up' is
   usually a good excuse to take the rest of the day off (as long as
   you're not responsible for fixing it).
%%
:casting the runes: n. What a {guru} does when you ask him or
   her to run a particular program and type at it because it never
   works for anyone else; esp. used when nobody can ever see what
   the guru is doing different from what J. Random Luser does.
   Compare {incantation}, {runes}, {examining the entrails};
   also see the AI koan about Tom Knight in "{A Selection
   of AI Koans}" ({appendix A}).
%%
:cat: [from `catenate' via {{UNIX}} `cat(1)'] vt.
   1. [techspeak] To spew an entire file to the screen or some other
   output sink without pause.  2. By extension, to dump large amounts
   of data at an unprepared target or with no intention of browsing it
   carefully.  Usage: considered silly.  Rare outside UNIX sites.  See
   also {dd}, {BLT}.

   Among UNIX fans, `cat(1)' is considered an excellent example
   of user-interface design, because it outputs the file contents
   without such verbosity as spacing or headers between the files, and
   because it does not require the files to consist of lines of text,
   but works with any sort of data.

   Among UNIX-haters, `cat(1)' is considered the {canonical}
   example of *bad* user-interface design.  This because it is more
   often used to {blast} a file to standard output than to
   concatenate two files.  The name `cat' for the former
   operation is just as unintuitive as, say, LISP's {cdr}.

   Of such oppositions are {holy wars} made....
%%
:catatonic: adj. Describes a condition of suspended animation in
   which something is so {wedged} or {hung} that it makes no
   response.  If you are typing on a terminal and suddenly the
   computer doesn't even echo the letters back to the screen as you
   type, let alone do what you're asking it to do, then the computer
   is suffering from catatonia (possibly because it has crashed).
   "There I was in the middle of a winning game of {nethack} and it
   went catatonic on me!  Aaargh!" Compare {buzz}.
%%
:cd tilde: /see-dee til-d*/ vi.  To go home.  From the UNIX
   C-shell and Korn-shell command `cd ~', which takes
   one `$HOME'.  By extension, may be used with other arguments;
   thus, over an electronic chat link, `cd ~coffee'
   would mean "I'm going to the coffee machine."
%%
:cdr: /ku'dr/ or /kuh'dr/ [from LISP] vt. To skip past the
   first item from a list of things (generalized from the LISP
   operation on binary tree structures, which returns a list
   consisting of all but the first element of its argument).  In the
   form `cdr down', to trace down a list of elements:  "Shall we
   cdr down the agenda?"  Usage: silly.  See also {loop through}.

   Historical note: The instruction format of the IBM 7090 that hosted
   the original LISP implementation featured two 15-bit fields called
   the `address' and `decrement' parts.  The term `cdr' was originally
   `Contents of Decrement part of Register'.  Similarly, `car' stood
   for `Contents of Address part of Register'.

   The cdr and car operations have since become bases for
   formation of compound metaphors in non-LISP contexts.  GLS recalls,
   for example, a programming project in which strings were
   represented as linked lists; the get-character and skip-character
   operations were of course called CHAR and CHDR.
%%
:chad: /chad/ n. 1. The perforated edge strips on printer paper, after
   they have been separated from the printed portion.  Also called
   {selvage} and {perf}.  2. obs. The confetti-like paper bits punched
   out of cards or paper tape; this was also called `chaff', `computer
   confetti', and `keypunch droppings'.

   Historical note: One correspondent believes `chad' (sense 2)
   derives from the Chadless keypunch (named for its inventor), which
   cut little u-shaped tabs in the card to make a hole when the tab
   folded back, rather than punching out a circle/rectangle; it was
   clear that if the Chadless keypunch didn't make them, then the
   stuff that other keypunches made had to be `chad'.
%%
:chad box: n. {Iron Age} card punches contained boxes inside them,
   about the size of a lunchbox (or in some models a large
   wastebasket), that held the {chad} (sense 2).  You had to open
   the covers of the card punch periodically and empty the chad box.
   The {bit bucket} was notionally the equivalent device in the CPU
   enclosure, which was typically across the room in another great
   gray-and-blue box.
%%
:chain: 1. [orig. from BASIC's `CHAIN' statement] vi. To hand
   off execution to a child or successor without going through the
   {OS} command interpreter that invoked it.  The state of the
   parent program is lost and there is no returning to it.  Though
   this facility used to be common on memory-limited micros and is
   still widely supported for backward compatibility, the jargon usage
   is semi-obsolescent; in particular, most UNIX programmers will
   think of this as an {exec}.  Oppose the more modern
   {subshell}.  2. A series of linked data areas within an
   operating system or application.  `Chain rattling' is the process
   of repeatedly running through the linked data areas searching for
   one which is of interest to the executing program.  The implication
   is that there is a very large number of links on the chain.
%%
:channel: [IRC] n.  The basic unit of discussion on {IRC}.  Once
   one joins a channel, everything one types is read by others on that
   channel.  Channels can either be named with numbers or with strings
   that begin with a `#' sign, and can have topic descriptions (which
   are generally irrelevant to the actual subject of discussion).
   Some notable channels are `#initgame', `#hottub', and
   `#report'.  At times of international crisis, `#report'
   has hundreds of members, some of whom take turns listening to
   various news services and summarizing the news, or in some cases,
   giving first-hand accounts of the action (e.g., Scud missile
   attacks in Tel Aviv during the Gulf War in 1991).
%%
:channel hopping: [IRC, GEnie] n.  To rapidly switch channels on
   {IRC}, or GEnie chat board, just as a social butterfly might hop
   from one group to another at a party.  This may derive from the TV
   watcher's idiom `channel surfing'.
%%
:channel op: /chan'l op/ [IRC] n. Someone who is endowed with
   privileges on a particular {IRC} channel; commonly abbreviated
   `chanop' or `CHOP'.  These privileges include the right to
   {kick} users, to change various status bits, and to make others
   into CHOPs.
%%
:char: /keir/ or /char/; rarely, /kar/ n. Shorthand for
   `character'.  Esp. used by C programmers, as `char' is
   C's typename for character data.
%%
:chase pointers: 1. vi. To go through multiple levels of
   indirection, as in traversing a linked list or graph structure.
   Used esp. by programmers in C, where explicit pointers are a very
   common data type.  This is techspeak, but it remains jargon when
   used of human networks.  "I'm chasing pointers.  Bob said you
   could tell me who to talk to about...." See {dangling
   pointer} and {snap}.  2. [Cambridge] `pointer chase' or
   `pointer hunt': The process of going through a dump
   (interactively or on a large piece of paper printed with hex
   {runes}) following dynamic data-structures.  Used only in a
   debugging context.
%%
:check: n. A hardware-detected error condition, most commonly used
   to refer to actual hardware failures rather than software-induced
   traps.  E.g., a `parity check' is the result of a
   hardware-detected parity error.  Recorded here because it's often
   humorously extended to non-technical problems. For example, the
   term `child check' has been used to refer to the problems caused
   by a small child who is curious to know what happens when s/he
   presses all the cute buttons on a computer's console (of course,
   this particular problem could have been prevented with
   {molly-guard}s).
%%
:chemist: [Cambridge] n. Someone who wastes computer time on
   {number-crunching} when you'd far rather the machine were doing
   something more productive, such as working out anagrams of your
   name or printing Snoopy calendars or running {life} patterns.
   May or may not refer to someone who actually studies chemistry.
%%
:Chernobyl packet: /cher-noh'b*l pak'*t/ n. A network packet that
   induces {network meltdown} (the result of a {broadcast
   storm}), in memory of the April 1986 nuclear accident at Chernobyl
   in Ukraine.  The typical scenario involves an IP Ethernet datagram
   that passes through a gateway with both source and destination
   Ether and IP address set as the respective broadcast addresses for
   the subnetworks being gated between.  Compare {Christmas tree
   packet}.
%%
:chicken head: [Commodore] n. The Commodore Business Machines logo,
   which strongly resembles a poultry part.  Rendered in ASCII as
   `C='.  With the arguable exception of the Amiga (see {amoeba}),
   Commodore's machines are notoriously crocky little {bitty box}es
   (see also {PETSCII}).  Thus, this usage may owe something to
   Philip K.  Dick's novel `Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?'
   (the basis for the movie `Blade Runner'), in which a
   `chickenhead' is a mutant with below-average intelligence.
%%
:chiclet keyboard: n. A keyboard with small rectangular or
   lozenge-shaped rubber or plastic keys that look like pieces of
   chewing gum.  (Chiclets is the brand name of a variety of chewing
   gum that does in fact resemble the keys of chiclet keyboards.)
   Used esp. to describe the original IBM PCjr keyboard.  Vendors
   unanimously liked these because they were cheap, and a lot of early
   portable and laptop products got launched using them.  Customers
   rejected the idea with almost equal unanimity, and chiclets are not
   often seen on anything larger than a digital watch any more.
%%
:chine nual: /sheen'yu-*l/ [MIT] n.,obs. The Lisp Machine Manual, so
   called because the title was wrapped around the cover so only those
   letters showed on the front.
%%
:choke: v. 1. To reject input, often ungracefully.  "NULs make System
   V's `lpr(1)' choke."  "I tried building an {EMACS} binary to
   use {X}, but `cpp(1)' choked on all those `#define's."
   See {barf}, {gag}, {vi}.   2. [MIT] More generally, to fail at any
   endeavor, but with some flair or bravado; the popular definition is
   "to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory."
%%
:chomp: vi. To {lose}; specifically, to chew on something of
   which more was bitten off than one can.  Probably related to
   gnashing of teeth.  See {bagbiter}.  A hand gesture commonly
   accompanies this.  To perform it, hold the four fingers together
   and place the thumb against their tips.  Now open and close your
   hand rapidly to suggest a biting action (much like what Pac-Man
   does in the classic video game, though this pantomime seems to
   predate that).  The gesture alone means `chomp chomp' (see
   "{Verb Doubling}" in the "{Jargon
   Construction}" section of the Prependices).  The hand may be
   pointed at the object of complaint, and for real emphasis you can
   use both hands at once.  Doing this to a person is equivalent to
   saying "You chomper!"  If you point the gesture at yourself, it
   is a humble but humorous admission of some failure.  You might do
   this if someone told you that a program you had written had failed
   in some surprising way and you felt dumb for not having anticipated
   it.
%%
:chomper: n. Someone or something that is chomping; a loser.  See
   {loser}, {bagbiter}, {chomp}.
%%
:Christmas tree: n. A kind of RS-232 line tester or breakout box
   featuring rows of blinking red and green LEDs suggestive of
   Christmas lights.
%%
:Christmas tree packet: n. A packet with every single option set for
   whatever protocol is in use.  See {kamikaze packet}, {Chernobyl
   packet}.  (The term doubtless derives from a fanciful image of each
   little option bit being represented by a different-colored light
   bulb, all turned on.)
%%
:chrome: [from automotive slang via wargaming] n. Showy features
   added to attract users but contributing little or nothing to
   the power of a system.  "The 3D icons in Motif are just chrome,
   but they certainly are *pretty* chrome!"  Distinguished from
   {bells and whistles} by the fact that the latter are usually
   added to gratify developers' own desires for featurefulness. 
   Often used as a term of contempt.
%%
:chug: vi. To run slowly; to {grind} or {grovel}.  "The disk is
   chugging like crazy."
%%
:Church of the SubGenius: n. A mutant offshoot of
   {Discordianism} launched in 1981 as a spoof of fundamentalist
   Christianity by the `Reverend' Ivan Stang, a brilliant satirist
   with a gift for promotion.  Popular among hackers as a rich source
   of bizarre imagery and references such as "Bob" the divine
   drilling-equipment salesman, the Benevolent Space Xists, and the
   Stark Fist of Removal.  Much SubGenius theory is concerned with the
   acquisition of the mystical substance or quality of `slack'.
%%
:Cinderella Book: [CMU] n. `Introduction to Automata Theory,
   Languages, and Computation', by John Hopcroft and Jeffrey Ullman,
   (Addison-Wesley, 1979).  So called because the cover depicts a girl
   (putatively Cinderella) sitting in front of a Rube Goldberg device
   and holding a rope coming out of it.  The back cover depicts the
   girl with the device in shambles after she has pulled on the rope.
   See also {{book titles}}.
%%
:CI$: // n. Hackerism for `CIS', CompuServe Information Service.
   The dollar sign refers to CompuServe's rather steep line charges.
   Often used in {sig block}s just before a CompuServe address.
   Syn. {Compu$erve}.
%%
:Classic C: /klas'ik C/ [a play on `Coke Classic'] n. The
   C programming language as defined in the first edition of {K&R},
   with some small additions.  It is also known as `K&R C'.  The name
   came into use while C was being standardized by the ANSI X3J11
   committee.  Also `C Classic'.  This is sometimes applied
   elsewhere: thus, `X Classic', where X = Star Trek (referring to the
   original TV series) or X = PC (referring to IBM's ISA-bus machines
   as opposed to the PS/2 series).  This construction is especially
   used of product series in which the newer versions are considered
   serious losers relative to the older ones.
%%
:clean: 1. adj. Used of hardware or software designs, implies
   `elegance in the small', that is, a design or implementation that
   may not hold any surprises but does things in a way that is
   reasonably intuitive and relatively easy to comprehend from the
   outside.  The antonym is `grungy' or {crufty}.  2. v. To remove
   unneeded or undesired files in a effort to reduce clutter:  "I'm
   cleaning up my account."  "I cleaned up the garbage and now have
   100 Meg free on that partition."
%%
:CLM: /C-L-M/ [Sun: `Career Limiting Move'] 1. n. An action
   endangering one's future prospects of getting plum projects and
   raises, and possibly one's job:  "His Halloween costume was a
   parody of his manager.  He won the prize for `best CLM'."
   2. adj.  Denotes extreme severity of a bug, discovered by a
   customer and obviously missed earlier because of poor testing:
   "That's a CLM bug!"
%%
:clobber: vt. To overwrite, usually unintentionally: "I walked off
   the end of the array and clobbered the stack."  Compare {mung},
   {scribble}, {trash}, and {smash the stack}.
%%
:clocks: n. Processor logic cycles, so called because each
   generally corresponds to one clock pulse in the processor's timing.
   The relative execution times of instructions on a machine are
   usually discussed in clocks rather than absolute fractions of a
   second; one good reason for this is that clock speeds for various
   models of the machine may increase as technology improves, and it
   is usually the relative times one is interested in when discussing
   the instruction set.  Compare {cycle}.
%%
:clone: n. 1. An exact duplicate: "Our product is a clone of
   their product."  Implies a legal reimplementation from
   documentation or by reverse-engineering.  Also connotes lower
   price.  2. A shoddy, spurious copy: "Their product is a
   clone of our product."  3. A blatant ripoff, most likely violating
   copyright, patent, or trade secret protections: "Your
   product is a clone of my product."  This use implies legal
   action is pending.  4. A `PC clone'; a PC-BUS/ISA or
   EISA-compatible 80x86-based microcomputer (this use is sometimes
   spelled `klone' or `PClone').  These invariably have much
   more bang for the buck than the IBM archetypes they resemble.
   5. In the construction `UNIX clone': An OS designed to deliver
   a UNIX-lookalike environment without UNIX license fees, or with
   additional `mission-critical' features such as support for
   real-time programming.  6. v. To make an exact copy of something.
   "Let me clone that" might mean "I want to borrow that paper so I
   can make a photocopy" or "Let me get a copy of that file before
   you {mung} it".
%%
:clustergeeking: /kluh'st*r-gee`king/ [CMU] n.  Spending more time
   at a computer cluster doing CS homework than most people spend
   breathing.
%%
:COBOL: /koh'bol/ [COmmon Business-Oriented Language] n.
   (Synonymous with {evil}.)  A weak, verbose, and flabby language
   used by {card walloper}s to do boring mindless things on
   {dinosaur} mainframes.  Hackers believe that all COBOL
   programmers are {suit}s or {code grinder}s, and no
   self-respecting hacker will ever admit to having learned the
   language.  Its very name is seldom uttered without ritual
   expressions of disgust or horror.  See also {fear and loathing},
   {software rot}.
%%
:COBOL fingers: /koh'bol fing'grz/ n. Reported from Sweden, a
   (hypothetical) disease one might get from coding in COBOL.  The
   language requires code verbose beyond all reason; thus it is
   alleged that programming too much in COBOL causes one's fingers to
   wear down to stubs by the endless typing.  "I refuse to type in
   all that source code again; it would give me COBOL fingers!"
%%
:code grinder: n. 1. A {suit}-wearing minion of the sort hired in
   legion strength by banks and insurance companies to implement
   payroll packages in RPG and other such unspeakable horrors.  In its
   native habitat, the code grinder often removes the suit jacket to
   reveal an underplumage consisting of button-down shirt (starch
   optional) and a tie.  In times of dire stress, the sleeves (if
   long) may be rolled up and the tie loosened about half an inch.  It
   seldom helps.  The {code grinder}'s milieu is about as far from
   hackerdom as one can get and still touch a computer; the term
   connotes pity.  See {Real World}, {suit}.  2. Used of or to a
   hacker, a really serious slur on the person's creative ability;
   connotes a design style characterized by primitive technique,
   rule-boundedness, {brute force}, and utter lack of imagination.
   Compare {card walloper}; contrast {hacker}, {real
   programmer}.
%%
:code police: [by analogy with George Orwell's `thought police'] n.
   A mythical team of Gestapo-like storm troopers that might burst
   into one's office and arrest one for violating programming style
   rules.  May be used either seriously, to underline a claim that a
   particular style violation is dangerous, or ironically, to suggest
   that the practice under discussion is condemned mainly by
   anal-retentive {weenie}s.  "Dike out that goto or the code
   police will get you!"  The ironic usage is perhaps more common.
%%
:codewalker: n. A program component that traverses other programs for
   a living.  Compilers have codewalkers in their front ends; so do
   cross-reference generators and some database front ends.  Other
   utility programs that try to do too much with source code may turn
   into codewalkers.  As in "This new `vgrind' feature would require a
   codewalker to implement."
%%
:coefficient of X: n. Hackish speech makes rather heavy use of 
   pseudo-mathematical metaphors.  Four particularly important ones involve the
   terms `coefficient', `factor', `index', and `quotient'.  They are often 
   loosely applied to things you cannot really be quantitative about, but there
   are subtle distinctions among them that convey information about the way the
   speaker mentally models whatever he or she is describing.

   `Foo factor' and `foo quotient' tend to describe something for which the issue
   is one of presence or absence.  The canonical example is {fudge factor}.  It's
   not important how much you're fudging; the term simply acknowledges that some
   fudging is needed. You might talk of liking a movie for its silliness factor.
   Quotient tends to imply that the property is a ratio of two opposing factors:
   "I would have won except for my luck quotient." This could also be "I would 
   have won except for the luck factor", but using *quotient* emphasizes that 
   it was bad luck overpowering good luck (or someone else's good luck 
   overpowering your own).

   `Foo index' and `coefficient of foo' both tend to imply that foo is, if not
   strictly measurable, at least something that can be larger or smaller. Thus,
   you might refer to a paper or person as having a `high bogosity index', 
   whereas you would be less likely to speak of a `high bogosity factor'.
   `Foo index' suggests that foo is a condensation of many quantities, as in 
   the mundane cost-of-living index; `coefficient of foo' suggests that foo is 
   a fundamental quantity, as in a coefficient of friction. The choice between
   these terms is often one of personal preference; e.g., some people might 
   feel that bogosity is a fundamental attribute and thus say `coefficient of
   bogosity', whereas others might feel it is a combination of factors and thus
   say `bogosity index'.
%%
:cokebottle: /kohk'bot-l/ n. Any very unusual character,
   particularly one you can't type because it it isn't on your
   keyboard.  MIT people used to complain about the
   `control-meta-cokebottle' commands at SAIL, and SAIL people
   complained right back about the `{altmode}-altmode-cokebottle'
   commands at MIT.  After the demise of the {space-cadet
   keyboard}, `cokebottle' faded away as serious usage, but was
   often invoked humorously to describe an (unspecified) weird or
   non-intuitive keystroke command.  It may be due for a second
   inning, however.  The OSF/Motif window manager, `mwm(1)', has
   a reserved keystroke for switching to the default set of
   keybindings and behavior.  This keystroke is (believe it or not)
   `control-meta-bang' (see {bang}).  Since the exclamation point
   looks a lot like an upside down Coke bottle, Motif hackers have
   begun referring to this keystroke as `cokebottle'.  See also
   {quadruple bucky}.
%%
:comm mode: /kom mohd/ [ITS: from the feature supporting on-line
   chat; the term may spelled with one or two m's] Syn. for {talk
   mode}.
%%
:comment out: vt. To surround a section of code with comment
   delimiters or to prefix every line in the section with a comment
   marker; this prevents it from being compiled or interpreted.  Often
   done when the code is redundant or obsolete, but you want to leave
   it in the source to make the intent of the active code clearer;
   also when the code in that section is broken and you want to bypass
   it in order to debug some other part of the code.  Compare
   {condition out}, usually the preferred technique in languages
   (such as {C}) that make it possible.
%%
:Commonwealth Hackish:: n. Hacker jargon as spoken outside
   the U.S., esp. in the British Commonwealth.  It is reported that
   Commonwealth speakers are more likely to pronounce truncations like
   `char' and `soc', etc., as spelled (/char/, /sok/), as
   opposed to American /keir/ and /sohsh/.  Dots in {newsgroup}
   names tend to be pronounced more often (so soc.wibble is /sok dot
   wib'l/ rather than /sohsh wib'l/).  The prefix {meta} may be
   pronounced /mee't*/; similarly, Greek letter beta is often
   /bee't*/, zeta is often /zee't*/, and so forth.  Preferred
   {metasyntactic variable}s include {blurgle}, `eek',
   `ook', `frodo', and `bilbo'; `wibble',
   `wobble', and in emergencies `wubble'; `banana',
   `wombat', `frog', {fish}, and so on and on (see
   {foo}, sense 4).

   Alternatives to verb doubling include suffixes `-o-rama',
   `frenzy' (as in feeding frenzy), and `city' (examples: "barf
   city!"  "hack-o-rama!"  "core dump frenzy!").  Finally, note
   that the American terms `parens', `brackets', and `braces' for (),
   [], and {} are uncommon; Commonwealth hackish prefers
   `brackets', `square brackets', and `curly brackets'.  Also, the
   use of `pling' for {bang} is common outside the United States.

   See also {attoparsec}, {calculator}, {chemist},
   {console jockey}, {fish}, {go-faster stripes},
   {grunge}, {hakspek}, {heavy metal}, {leaky heap},
   {lord high fixer}, {loose bytes}, {muddie}, {nadger},
   {noddy}, {psychedelicware}, {plingnet}, {raster
   blaster}, {RTBM}, {seggie}, {spod}, {sun lounge},
   {terminal junkie}, {tick-list features}, {weeble},
   {weasel}, {YABA}, and notes or definitions under {Bad
   Thing}, {barf}, {bogus}, {bum}, {chase pointers},
   {cosmic rays}, {crippleware}, {crunch}, {dodgy},
   {gonk}, {hamster}, {hardwarily}, {mess-dos},
   {nybble}, {proglet}, {root}, {SEX}, {tweak}, and
   {xyzzy}.
%%
:compact: adj. Of a design, describes the valuable property that it
   can all be apprehended at once in one's head.  This generally means
   the thing created from the design can be used with greater facility
   and fewer errors than an equivalent tool that is not compact.
   Compactness does not imply triviality or lack of power; for
   example, C is compact and FORTRAN is not, but C is more powerful
   than FORTRAN.  Designs become non-compact through accreting
   {feature}s and {cruft} that don't merge cleanly into the
   overall design scheme (thus, some fans of {Classic C} maintain
   that ANSI C is no longer compact).
%%
:compress: [UNIX] vt. When used without a qualifier, generally
   refers to {crunch}ing of a file using a particular
   C implementation of compression by James A. Woods et al. and
   widely circulated via {USENET}; use of {crunch} itself in
   this sense is rare among UNIX hackers.  Specifically, compress is
   built around the Lempel-Ziv-Welch algorithm as described in "A
   Technique for High Performance Data Compression", Terry A. Welch,
   `IEEE Computer', vol. 17, no. 6 (June 1984), pp. 8-19.
%%
:Compu$erve: n. See {CI$}.  The synonyms CompuSpend and
   Compu$pend are also reported.
%%
:computer confetti: n. Syn. {chad}.  Though this term is common,
   this use of punched-card chad is not a good idea, as the pieces are
   stiff and have sharp corners that could injure the eyes.  GLS
   reports that he once attended a wedding at MIT during which he and
   a few other guests enthusiastically threw chad instead of rice. The
   groom later grumbled that he and his bride had spent most of the
   evening trying to get the stuff out of their hair.
%%
:computer geek: n. One who eats (computer) bugs for a living.  One
   who fulfills all the dreariest negative stereotypes about hackers:
   an asocial, malodorous, pasty-faced monomaniac with all the
   personality of a cheese grater.  Cannot be used by outsiders
   without implied insult to all hackers; compare black-on-black usage
   of `nigger'.  A computer geek may be either a fundamentally
   clueless individual or a proto-hacker in {larval stage}.  Also
   called `turbo nerd', `turbo geek'.  See also {propeller head},
   {clustergeeking}, {geek out}, {wannabee}, {terminal
   junkie}, {spod}, {weenie}.
%%
:computron: /kom'pyoo-tron`/ n. 1. A notional unit of computing
   power combining instruction speed and storage capacity, dimensioned
   roughly in instructions-per-second times megabytes-of-main-store
   times megabytes-of-mass-storage.  "That machine can't run GNU
   EMACS, it doesn't have enough computrons!"  This usage is usually
   found in metaphors that treat computing power as a fungible
   commodity good, like a crop yield or diesel horsepower.  See
   {bitty box}, {Get a real computer!}, {toy}, {crank}.
   2. A mythical subatomic particle that bears the unit quantity of
   computation or information, in much the same way that an electron
   bears one unit of electric charge (see also {bogon}).  An
   elaborate pseudo-scientific theory of computrons has been developed
   based on the physical fact that the molecules in a solid object
   move more rapidly as it is heated.  It is argued that an object
   melts because the molecules have lost their information about where
   they are supposed to be (that is, they have emitted computrons).
   This explains why computers get so hot and require air
   conditioning; they use up computrons.  Conversely, it should be
   possible to cool down an object by placing it in the path of a
   computron beam.  It is believed that this may also explain why
   machines that work at the factory fail in the computer room: the
   computrons there have been all used up by the other hardware.
   (This theory probably owes something to the "Warlock" stories
   by Larry Niven, the best known being "What Good is a Glass
   Dagger?", in which magic is fueled by an exhaustible natural
   resource called `mana'.)
%%
:condition out: vt. To prevent a section of code from being compiled
   by surrounding it with a conditional-compilation directive whose
   condition is always false.  The {canonical} examples are `#if
   0' (or `#ifdef notdef', though some find this {bletcherous})
   and `#endif' in C.  Compare {comment out}.
%%
:condom: n. 1. The protective plastic bag that accompanies 3.5-inch
   microfloppy diskettes.  Rarely, also used of (paper) disk
   envelopes.  Unlike the write protect tab, the condom (when left on)
   not only impedes the practice of {SEX} but has also been shown
   to have a high failure rate as drive mechanisms attempt to access
   the disk --- and can even fatally frustrate insertion.  2. The
   protective cladding on a {light pipe}.
%%
:confuser: n. Common soundalike slang for `computer'.  Usually
   encountered in compounds such as `confuser room', `personal
   confuser', `confuser guru'.  Usage: silly.
%%
:connector conspiracy: [probably came into prominence with the
   appearance of the KL-10 (one model of the {PDP-10}), none of
   whose connectors matched anything else] n. The tendency of
   manufacturers (or, by extension, programmers or purveyors of
   anything) to come up with new products that don't fit together
   with the old stuff, thereby making you buy either all new stuff or
   expensive interface devices.  The KL-10 Massbus connector was
   actually *patented* by DEC, which reputedly refused to license
   the design and thus effectively locked third parties out of
   competition for the lucrative Massbus peripherals market.  This is
   a source of never-ending frustration for the diehards who maintain
   older PDP-10 or VAX systems.  Their CPUs work fine, but they are
   stuck with dying, obsolescent disk and tape drives with low
   capacity and high power requirements.

   (A closely related phenomenon, with a slightly different intent, is
   the habit manufacturers have of inventing new screw heads so that
   only Designated Persons, possessing the magic screwdrivers, can
   remove covers and make repairs or install options.  The Apple
   Macintosh takes this one step further, requiring not only a hex
   wrench but a specialized case-cracking tool to open the box.)

   In these latter days of open-systems computing this term has fallen
   somewhat into disuse, to be replaced by the observation that
   "Standards are great!  There are so *many* of them to choose
   from!"  Compare {backward combatability}.
%%
:cons: /konz/ or /kons/ [from LISP] 1. vt. To add a new element
   to a specified list, esp. at the top.  "OK, cons picking a
   replacement for the console TTY onto the agenda."  2. `cons up':
   vt. To synthesize from smaller pieces: "to cons up an example".

   In LISP itself, `cons' is the most fundamental operation for
   building structures.  It takes any two objects and returns a
   `dot-pair' or two-branched tree with one object hanging from each
   branch.  Because the result of a cons is an object, it can be used
   to build binary trees of any shape and complexity.  Hackers think
   of it as a sort of universal constructor, and that is where the
   jargon meanings spring from.
%%
:considered harmful: adj. Edsger W. Dijkstra's note in the
   March 1968 `Communications of the ACM', "Goto Statement
   Considered Harmful", fired the first salvo in the structured
   programming wars.  Amusingly, the ACM considered the resulting
   acrimony sufficiently harmful that it will (by policy) no longer
   print an article taking so assertive a position against a coding
   practice.  In the ensuing decades, a large number of both serious
   papers and parodies have borne titles of the form "X
   considered Y".  The structured-programming wars eventually blew
   over with the realization that both sides were wrong, but use of
   such titles has remained as a persistent minor in-joke (the
   `considered silly' found at various places in this lexicon is
   related).
%%
:console:: n. 1. The operator's station of a {mainframe}.  In
   times past, this was a privileged location that conveyed godlike
   powers to anyone with fingers on its keys.  Under UNIX and other
   modern timesharing OSes, such privileges are guarded by passwords
   instead, and the console is just the {tty} the system was booted
   from.  Some of the mystique remains, however, and it is traditional
   for sysadmins to post urgent messages to all users from the console
   (on UNIX, /dev/console).  2. On microcomputer UNIX boxes, the main
   screen and keyboard (as opposed to character-only terminals talking
   to a serial port).  Typically only the console can do real graphics
   or run {X}.  See also {CTY}.
%%
:content-free: [by analogy with techspeak `context-free'] adj.
   Used of a message that adds nothing to the recipient's knowledge.
   Though this adjective is sometimes applied to {flamage}, it more
   usually connotes derision for communication styles that exalt form
   over substance or are centered on concerns irrelevant to the
   subject ostensibly at hand.  Perhaps most used with reference to
   speeches by company presidents and other professional manipulators.
   "Content-free?  Uh...that's anything printed on glossy
   paper."  See also {four-color glossies}.  "He gave a talk on
   the implications of electronic networks for postmodernism and the
   fin-de-siecle aesthetic.  It was content-free."
%%
:control-C: vi. 1. "Stop whatever you are doing."  From the
   interrupt character used on many operating systems to abort a
   running program.  Considered silly.  2. interj. Among BSD UNIX
   hackers, the canonical humorous response to "Give me a break!"
%%
:control-O: vi. "Stop talking."  From the character used on some
   operating systems to abort output but allow the program to keep on
   running.  Generally means that you are not interested in hearing
   anything more from that person, at least on that topic; a standard
   response to someone who is flaming.  Considered silly.  Compare
   {control-S}.
%%
:control-Q: vi. "Resume."  From the ASCII DC1 or {XON}
   character (the pronunciation /X-on/ is therefore also used), used
   to undo a previous {control-S}.
%%
:control-S: vi. "Stop talking for a second."  From the ASCII DC3
   or XOFF character (the pronunciation /X-of/ is therefore also
   used).  Control-S differs from {control-O} in that the person is
   asked to stop talking (perhaps because you are on the phone) but
   will be allowed to continue when you're ready to listen to him ---
   as opposed to control-O, which has more of the meaning of
   "Shut up."  Considered silly.
%%
:Conway's Law: prov. The rule that the organization of the software and
   the organization of the software team will be congruent; originally
   stated as "If you have four groups working on a compiler, you'll
   get a 4-pass compiler".

   This was originally promulgated by Melvin Conway, an early
   proto-hacker who wrote an assembler for the Burroughs 220 called
   SAVE.  The name `SAVE' didn't stand for anything; it was just that
   you lost fewer card decks and listings because they all had SAVE
   written on them.
%%
:cookbook: [from amateur electronics and radio] n. A book of small
   code segments that the reader can use to do various {magic}
   things in programs.  One current example is the `{PostScript}
   Language Tutorial and Cookbook' by Adobe Systems, Inc
   (Addison-Wesley, ISBN 0-201-10179-3) which has recipes for things
   like wrapping text around arbitrary curves and making 3D fonts.
   Cookbooks, slavishly followed, can lead one into {voodoo
   programming}, but are useful for hackers trying to {monkey up}
   small programs in unknown languages.  This is analogous to the role
   of phrasebooks in human languages.
%%
:cooked mode: [UNIX] n. The normal character-input mode, with
   interrupts enabled and with erase, kill and other special-character
   interpretations done directly by the tty driver.  Oppose {raw
   mode}, {rare mode}.  This is techspeak under UNIX but jargon
   elsewhere; other operating systems often have similar mode
   distinctions, and the raw/rare/cooked way of describing them has
   spread widely along with the C language and other UNIX exports.
   Most generally, `cooked mode' may refer to any mode of a
   system that does extensive preprocessing before presenting data to
   a program.
%%
:cookie: n. A handle, transaction ID, or other token of agreement
   between cooperating programs.  "I give him a packet, he gives me
   back a cookie."  The claim check you get from a dry-cleaning shop
   is a perfect mundane example of a cookie; the only thing it's
   useful for is to relate a later transaction to this one (so you get
   the same clothes back).  Compare {magic cookie}; see also
   {fortune cookie}.
%%
:cookie file: n. A collection of {fortune cookie}s in a format
   that facilitates retrieval by a fortune program.  There are several
   different ones in public distribution, and site admins often
   assemble their own from various sources including this lexicon.
%%
:cookie monster: [from "Sesame Street"] n. Any of a family of
   early (1970s) hacks reported on {{TOPS-10}}, {{ITS}}, {{Multics}},
   and elsewhere that would lock up either the victim's terminal (on a
   time-sharing machine) or the {{console}} (on a batch
   {mainframe}), repeatedly demanding "I WANT A COOKIE".  The
   required responses ranged in complexity from "COOKIE" through
   "HAVE A COOKIE" and upward.  See also {wabbit}.
%%
:copious free time: [Apple; orig. fr. the intro to Tom Lehrer's
   song "It Makes A Fellow Proud To Be A Soldier"] n. 1. [used
   ironically to indicate the speaker's lack of the quantity in
   question] A mythical schedule slot for accomplishing tasks held to
   be unlikely or impossible.  Sometimes used to indicate that the
   speaker is interested in accomplishing the task, but believes that
   the opportunity will not arise.  "I'll implement the automatic
   layout stuff in my copious free time."  2. [Archly] Time reserved
   for bogus or otherwise idiotic tasks, such as implementation of
   {chrome}, or the stroking of {suit}s.  "I'll get back to him
   on that feature in my copious free time."
%%
:copper: n. Conventional electron-carrying network cable with a
   core conductor of copper --- or aluminum!  Opposed to {light
   pipe} or, say, a short-range microwave link.
%%
:copy protection: n. A class of (occasionally clever) methods for
   preventing incompetent pirates from stealing software and
   legitimate customers from using it.  Considered silly.
%%
:copybroke: /ko'pee-brohk/ adj. 1. [play on `copyright'] Used
   to describe an instance of a copy-protected program that has been
   `broken'; that is, a copy with the copy-protection scheme
   disabled.  Syn.  {copywronged}.  2. Copy-protected software
   which is unusable because of some bit-rot or bug that has confused
   the anti-piracy check.
%%
:copyleft: /kop'ee-left/ [play on `copyright'] n. 1. The
   copyright notice (`General Public License') carried by {GNU}
   {EMACS} and other Free Software Foundation software, granting reuse
   and reproduction rights to all comers (but see also {General
   Public Virus}).  2. By extension, any copyright notice intended to
   achieve similar aims.
%%
:copywronged: /ko'pee-rongd/ [play on `copyright'] adj. Syn. for
   {copybroke}.
%%
:core: n. Main storage or RAM.  Dates from the days of ferrite-core
   memory; now archaic as techspeak most places outside IBM, but also
   still used in the UNIX community and by old-time hackers or those
   who would sound like them.  Some derived idioms are quite current;
   `in core', for example, means `in memory' (as opposed to `on
   disk'), and both {core dump} and the `core image' or `core
   file' produced by one are terms in favor.  Commonwealth hackish
   prefers {store}.
%%
:core cancer: n. A process which exhibits a slow but inexorable
   resource {leak} --- like a cancer, it kills by crowding out
   productive `tissue'.
%%
:core dump: n. [common {Iron Age} jargon, preserved by UNIX]
   1. [techspeak] A copy of the contents of {core}, produced when a
   process is aborted by certain kinds of internal error.  2. By
   extension, used for humans passing out, vomiting, or registering
   extreme shock.  "He dumped core.  All over the floor.  What a
   mess."  "He heard about X and dumped core."  3. Occasionally
   used for a human rambling on pointlessly at great length; esp. in
   apology: "Sorry, I dumped core on you".  4. A recapitulation of
   knowledge (compare {bits}, sense 1).  Hence, spewing all one
   knows about a topic (syn. {brain dump}), esp. in a lecture or
   answer to an exam question.  "Short, concise answers are better
   than core dumps" (from the instructions to an exam at Columbia).
   See {core}.
%%
:Core Wars: n. A game between `assembler' programs in a
   simulated machine, where the objective is to kill your opponent's
   program by overwriting it.  Popularized by A. K. Dewdney's column
   in `Scientific American' magazine, this was actually
   devised by Victor Vyssotsky, Robert Morris, and Dennis Ritchie in
   the early 1960s (their original game was called `Darwin' and ran on
   a PDP-1 at Bell Labs).  See {core}.
%%
:corge: /korj/ [originally, the name of a cat] n. Yet another
   {metasyntactic variable}, invented by Mike Gallaher and propagated
   by the {GOSMACS} documentation.  See {grault}.
%%
:cosmic rays: n. Notionally, the cause of {bit rot}.  However, this is
   a semi-independent usage that may be invoked as a humorous way to
   {handwave} away any minor {randomness} that doesn't seem worth the
   bother of investigating.  "Hey, Eric --- I just got a burst of
   garbage on my {tube}, where did that come from?"  "Cosmic rays, I
   guess."  Compare {sunspots}, {phase of the moon}.  The British seem
   to prefer the usage `cosmic showers'; `alpha particles' is also
   heard, because stray alpha particles passing through a memory chip
   can cause single-bit errors (this becomes increasingly more likely
   as memory sizes and densities increase).

   Factual note: Alpha particles cause bit rot, cosmic rays do not
   (except occasionally in spaceborne computers).  Intel could not
   explain random bit drops in their early chips, and one hypothesis
   was cosmic rays.  So they created the World's Largest Lead Safe,
   using 25 tons of the stuff, and used two identical boards for
   testing.  One was placed in the safe, one outside.  The hypothesis
   was that if cosmic rays were causing the bit drops, they should see
   a statistically significant difference between the error rates on
   the two boards.  They did not observe such a difference.  Further
   investigation demonstrated conclusively that the bit drops were due
   to alpha particle emissions from thorium (and to a much lesser
   degree uranium) in the encapsulation material.  Since it is
   impossible to eliminate these radioactives (they are uniformly
   distributed through the earth's crust, with the statistically
   insignificant exception of uranium lodes) it became obvious that
   you have to design memories to withstand these hits.
%%
:cough and die: v. Syn. {barf}.  Connotes that the program is
   throwing its hands up by design rather than because of a bug or
   oversight.  "The parser saw a control-A in its input where it was
   looking for a printable, so it coughed and died."  Compare
   {die}, {die horribly}.
%%
:cowboy: [Sun, from William Gibson's {cyberpunk} SF] n. Synonym
   for {hacker}.  It is reported that at Sun this word is often
   said with reverence.
%%
:CP/M:: /C-P-M/ n. [Control Program for Microcomputers] An early
   microcomputer {OS} written by hacker Gary Kildall for 8080- and
   Z80-based machines, very popular in the late 1970s but virtually
   wiped out by MS-DOS after the release of the IBM PC in 1981.
   Legend has it that Kildall's company blew its chance to write the
   OS for the IBM PC because Kildall decided to spend a day IBM's reps
   wanted to meet with him enjoying the perfect flying weather in his
   private plane.  Many of CP/M's features and conventions strongly
   resemble those of early DEC operating systems such as
   {{TOPS-10}}, OS/8, RSTS, and RSX-11.  See {{MS-DOS}},
   {operating system}.
%%
:CPU Wars: /C-P-U worz/ n. A 1979 large-format comic by Chas
   Andres chronicling the attempts of the brainwashed androids of IPM
   (Impossible to Program Machines) to conquer and destroy the
   peaceful denizens of HEC (Human Engineered Computers).  This rather
   transparent allegory featured many references to {ADVENT} and
   the immortal line "Eat flaming death, minicomputer mongrels!"
   (uttered, of course, by an IPM stormtrooper).  It is alleged that
   the author subsequently received a letter of appreciation on IBM
   company stationery from the head of IBM's Thomas J. Watson Research
   Laboratories (then, as now, one of the few islands of true
   hackerdom in the IBM archipelago).  The lower loop of the B in the
   IBM logo, it is said, had been carefully whited out.  See {eat
   flaming death}.
%%
:crack root: v. To defeat the security system of a UNIX machine and
   gain {root} privileges thereby; see {cracking}.
%%
:cracker: n. One who breaks security on a system.  Coined ca. 1985
   by hackers in defense against journalistic misuse of {hacker}
   (q.v., sense 8).  An earlier attempt to establish `worm' in this
   sense around 1981--82 on USENET was largely a failure.

   Both these neologisms reflected a strong revulsion against the
   theft and vandalism perpetrated by cracking rings.  While it is
   expected that any real hacker will have done some playful cracking
   and knows many of the basic techniques, anyone past {larval
   stage} is expected to have outgrown the desire to do so.

   Thus, there is far less overlap between hackerdom and crackerdom
   than the {mundane} reader misled by sensationalistic journalism
   might expect.  Crackers tend to gather in small, tight-knit, very
   secretive groups that have little overlap with the huge, open
   poly-culture this lexicon describes; though crackers often like to
   describe *themselves* as hackers, most true hackers consider
   them a separate and lower form of life.

   Ethical considerations aside, hackers figure that anyone who can't
   imagine a more interesting way to play with their computers than
   breaking into someone else's has to be pretty {losing}.  Some
   other reasons crackers are looked down on are discussed in the
   entries on {cracking} and {phreaking}.  See also
   {samurai}, {dark-side hacker}, and {hacker ethic,
   the}.
%%
:cracking: n. The act of breaking into a computer system; what a
   {cracker} does.  Contrary to widespread myth, this does not
   usually involve some mysterious leap of hackerly brilliance, but
   rather persistence and the dogged repetition of a handful of fairly
   well-known tricks that exploit common weaknesses in the security of
   target systems.  Accordingly, most crackers are only mediocre
   hackers.
%%
:crank: [from automotive slang] vt. Verb used to describe the
   performance of a machine, especially sustained performance.  "This
   box cranks (or, cranks at) about 6 megaflops, with a burst mode
   of twice that on vectorized operations."
%%
:crash: 1. n. A sudden, usually drastic failure.  Most often said
   of the {system} (q.v., sense 1), esp. of magnetic disk drives
   (the term originally described what happened when the air gap of a
   Winchester disk collapses).  "Three {luser}s lost their files
   in last night's disk crash."  A disk crash that involves the
   read/write heads dropping onto the surface of the disks and
   scraping off the oxide may also be referred to as a `head crash',
   whereas the term `system crash' usually, though not always,
   implies that the operating system or other software was at fault.
   2. v. To fail suddenly.  "Has the system just crashed?"
   "Something crashed the OS!" See {down}.  Also used
   transitively to indicate the cause of the crash (usually a person
   or a program, or both).  "Those idiots playing {SPACEWAR}
   crashed the system." 3. vi. Sometimes said of people hitting the
   sack after a long {hacking run}; see {gronk out}.
%%
:crash and burn: vi.,n. A spectacular crash, in the mode of the
   conclusion of the car-chase scene in the movie "Bullitt" and
   many subsequent imitators (compare {die horribly}).  Sun-3
   monitors losing the flyback transformer and lightning strikes on
   VAX-11/780 backplanes are notable crash and burn generators.  The
   construction `crash-and-burn machine' is reported for a computer
   used exclusively for alpha or {beta} testing, or reproducing
   bugs (i.e., not for development).  The implication is that it
   wouldn't be such a disaster if that machine crashed, since only the
   testers would be inconvenienced.
%%
:crawling horror: n. Ancient crufty hardware or software that is
   kept obstinately alive by forces beyond the control of the hackers
   at a site.  Like {dusty deck} or {gonkulator}, but connotes
   that the thing described is not just an irritation but an active
   menace to health and sanity.  "Mostly we code new stuff in C, but
   they pay us to maintain one big FORTRAN II application from
   nineteen-sixty-X that's a real crawling horror...."  Compare
   {WOMBAT}.
%%
:cray: /kray/ n. 1. (properly, capitalized) One of the line of
   supercomputers designed by Cray Research.  2. Any supercomputer at
   all.  3. The {canonical} {number-crunching} machine.

   The term is actually the lowercased last name of Seymour Cray, a
   noted computer architect and co-founder of the company.  Numerous
   vivid legends surround him, some true and some admittedly invented
   by Cray Research brass to shape their corporate culture and image.
%%
:cray instability: n. A shortcoming of a program or algorithm that
   manifests itself only when a large problem is being run on a
   powerful machine (see {cray}).  Generally more subtle than bugs
   that can be detected in smaller problems running on a workstation
   or mini.
%%
:crayola: /kray-oh'l*/ n. A super-mini or -micro computer that
   provides some reasonable percentage of supercomputer performance
   for an unreasonably low price.  Might also be a {killer micro}.
%%
:crayon: n. 1. Someone who works on Cray supercomputers.  More
   specifically, it implies a programmer, probably of the CDC ilk,
   probably male, and almost certainly wearing a tie (irrespective of
   gender).  Systems types who have a UNIX background tend not to be
   described as crayons.  2. A {computron} (sense 2) that
   participates only in {number-crunching}.  3. A unit of
   computational power equal to that of a single Cray-1.  There is a
   standard joke about this that derives from an old Crayola crayon
   promotional gimmick: When you buy 64 crayons you get a free
   sharpener.
%%
:creationism: n. The (false) belief that large, innovative software
   designs can be completely specified in advance and then painlessly
   magicked out of the void by the normal efforts of a team of
   normally talented programmers.  In fact, experience has shown
   repeatedly that good designs arise only from evolutionary,
   exploratory interaction between one (or at most a small handful of)
   exceptionally able designer(s) and an active user population ---
   and that the first try at a big new idea is always wrong.
   Unfortunately, because these truths don't fit the planning models
   beloved of {management}, they are generally ignored.
%%
:creep: v. To advance, grow, or multiply inexorably.  In hackish usage
   this verb has overtones of menace and silliness, evoking the
   creeping horrors of low-budget monster movies.
%%
:creeping elegance: n. Describes a tendency for parts of a design to
   become {elegant} past the point of diminishing return.  This
   often happens at the expense of the less interesting parts of the
   design, the schedule, and other things deemed important in the
   {Real World}.  See also {creeping featurism}, {second-system
   effect}, {tense}.
%%
:creeping featurism: /kree'ping fee'chr-izm/ n. 1. Describes a
   systematic tendency to load more {chrome} and {feature}s onto
   systems at the expense of whatever elegance they may have possessed
   when originally designed.  See also {feeping creaturism}.  "You
   know, the main problem with {BSD} UNIX has always been creeping
   featurism."  2. More generally, the tendency for anything
   complicated to become even more complicated because people keep
   saying "Gee, it would be even better if it had this feature too".
   (See {feature}.)  The result is usually a patchwork because it
   grew one ad-hoc step at a time, rather than being planned.
   Planning is a lot of work, but it's easy to add just one extra
   little feature to help someone ... and then another ... and
   another.... When creeping featurism gets out of hand, it's
   like a cancer.  Usually this term is used to describe computer
   programs, but it could also be said of the federal government, the
   IRS 1040 form, and new cars.  A similar phenomenon sometimes
   afflicts conscious redesigns; see {second-system effect}.  See
   also {creeping elegance}.
%%
:creeping featuritis: /kree'ping fee'-chr-i:`t*s/ n. Variant of
   {creeping featurism}, with its own spoonerization: `feeping
   creaturitis'.  Some people like to reserve this form for the
   disease as it actually manifests in software or hardware, as
   opposed to the lurking general tendency in designers' minds.
   (After all, -ism means `condition' or `pursuit of', whereas
   -itis usually means `inflammation of'.)
%%
:cretin: /kret'n/ or /kree'tn/ n. Congenital {loser}; an obnoxious
   person; someone who can't do anything right.  It has been observed
   that many American hackers tend to favor the British pronunciation
   /kre'tn/ over standard American /kree'tn/; it is thought this may
   be due to the insidious phonetic influence of Monty Python's Flying
   Circus.
%%
:cretinous: /kret'n-*s/ or /kreet'n-*s/ adj. Wrong; stupid;
   non-functional; very poorly designed.  Also used pejoratively of
   people.  See {dread high-bit disease} for an example.
   Approximate synonyms: {bletcherous}, `bagbiting' (see
   {bagbiter}), {losing}, {brain-damaged}.
%%
:crippleware: n. 1. Software that has some important functionality
   deliberately removed, so as to entice potential users to pay for a
   working version.  2. [Cambridge] {Guiltware} that exhorts you to
   donate to some charity (compare {careware}).  3. Hardware
   deliberately crippled, which can be upgraded to a more expensive
   model by a trivial change (e.g., cutting a jumper).

   An excellent example of crippleware (sense 3) is Intel's 486SX
   chip, which is a standard 486DX chip with the co-processor
   disabled.  To upgrade, you buy another 486 chip with everything
   *but* the co-processor disabled.  When you put them together
   you have two crippled chips doing the work of one.  Don't you love
   Intel?
%%
:critical mass: n. In physics, the minimum amount of fissionable
   material required to sustain a chain reaction.  Of a software
   product, describes a condition of the software such that fixing one
   bug introduces one plus {epsilon} bugs.  When software achieves
   critical mass, it can only be discarded and rewritten.
%%
:crlf: /ker'l*f/, sometimes /kru'l*f/ or /C-R-L-F/ n. (often
   capitalized as `CRLF') A carriage return (CR) followed by a line
   feed (LF).  More loosely, whatever it takes to get you from the
   end of one line of text to the beginning of the next line.  See
   {newline}, {terpri}.  Under {{UNIX}} influence this usage
   has become less common (UNIX uses a bare line feed as its `CRLF').
%%
:crock: [from the obvious mainstream scatologism] n. 1. An awkward
   feature or programming technique that ought to be made cleaner.
   Using small integers to represent error codes without the
   program interpreting them to the user (as in, for example, UNIX
   `make(1)', which returns code 139 for a process that dies due
   to {segfault}).  2. A technique that works acceptably, but which
   is quite prone to failure if disturbed in the least, for example
   depending on the machine opcodes having particular bit patterns so
   that you can use instructions as data words too; a tightly woven,
   almost completely unmodifiable structure.  See {kluge},
   {brittle}.  Also in the adjectives `crockish' and
   `crocky', and the nouns `crockishness' and `crockitude'.
%%
:cross-post: [USENET] vi. To post a single article simultaneously to
   several newsgroups.  Distinguished from posting the article
   repeatedly, once to each newsgroup, which causes people to see it
   multiple times (this is very bad form).  Gratuitous cross-posting
   without a Followup-To line directing responses to a single followup
   group is frowned upon, as it tends to cause {followup} articles
   to go to inappropriate newsgroups when people respond to only one
   part of the original posting.
%%
:crudware: /kruhd'weir/ n. Pejorative term for the hundreds of
   megabytes of low-quality {freeware} circulated by user's groups
   and BBS systems in the micro-hobbyist world.  "Yet *another*
   set of disk catalog utilities for {{MS-DOS}}?  What crudware!"
%%
:cruft: /kruhft/ [back-formation from {crufty}] 1. n. An
   unpleasant substance.  The dust that gathers under your bed is
   cruft; the TMRC Dictionary correctly noted that attacking it with a
   broom only produces more.  2. n. The results of shoddy
   construction.  3. vt. [from `hand cruft', pun on `hand craft']
   To write assembler code for something normally (and better) done by
   a compiler (see {hand-hacking}).  4. n. Excess; superfluous
   junk.  Esp. used of redundant or superseded code.

   This term is one of the oldest in the jargon and no one is sure of
   its etymology, but it is suggestive that there is a Cruft Hall at
   Harvard University which is part of the old physics building; it's
   said to have been the physics department's radar lab during WWII.
   To this day (early 1992) the windows appear to be full of random
   techno-junk.  MIT or Lincoln Labs people may well have coined the
   term as a knock on the competition.
%%
:cruft together: vt. (also `cruft up') To throw together
   something ugly but temporarily workable.  Like vt. {kluge up},
   but more pejorative.  "There isn't any program now to reverse all
   the lines of a file, but I can probably cruft one together in about
   10 minutes."  See {hack together}, {hack up}, {kluge up},
   {crufty}.
%%
:cruftsmanship: /kruhfts'm*n-ship / n. [from {cruft}] The
   antithesis of craftsmanship.
%%
:crufty: /kruhf'tee/ [origin unknown; poss. from `crusty' or
   `cruddy'] adj. 1. Poorly built, possibly over-complex.  The
   {canonical} example is "This is standard old crufty DEC
   software".  In fact, one fanciful theory of the origin of
   `crufty' holds that was originally a mutation of `crusty'
   applied to DEC software so old that the `s' characters were tall
   and skinny, looking more like `f' characters.  2. Unpleasant,
   especially to the touch, often with encrusted junk.  Like spilled
   coffee smeared with peanut butter and catsup.  3. Generally
   unpleasant.  4. (sometimes spelled `cruftie') n. A small crufty
   object (see {frob}); often one that doesn't fit well into the
   scheme of things.  "A LISP property list is a good place to store
   crufties (or, collectively, {random} cruft)."
%%
:crumb: n. Two binary digits; a {quad}.  Larger than a {bit},
   smaller than a {nybble}.  Considered silly.  Syn. {tayste}.
%%
:crunch: 1. vi. To process, usually in a time-consuming or
   complicated way.  Connotes an essentially trivial operation that is
   nonetheless painful to perform.  The pain may be due to the
   triviality's being embedded in a loop from 1 to 1,000,000,000.
   "FORTRAN programs do mostly {number-crunching}."  2. vt. To
   reduce the size of a file by a complicated scheme that produces bit
   configurations completely unrelated to the original data, such as
   by a Huffman code.  (The file ends up looking like a paper document
   would if somebody crunched the paper into a wad.)  Since such
   compression usually takes more computations than simpler methods
   such as run-length encoding, the term is doubly appropriate.  (This
   meaning is usually used in the construction `file crunch(ing)' to
   distinguish it from {number-crunching}.)  See {compress}.
   3. n. The character `#'.  Used at XEROX and CMU, among other
   places.  See {{ASCII}}.  4. vt. To squeeze program source into a
   minimum-size representation that will still compile or execute.
   The term came into being specifically for a famous program on the
   BBC micro that crunched BASIC source in order to make it run more
   quickly (it was a wholly interpretive BASIC, so the number of
   characters mattered).  {Obfuscated C Contest} entries are often
   crunched; see the first example under that entry.
%%
:cruncha cruncha cruncha: /kruhn'ch* kruhn'ch* kruhn'ch*/ interj.
   An encouragement sometimes muttered to a machine bogged down in a
   serious {grovel}.  Also describes a notional sound made by
   groveling hardware.  See {wugga wugga}, {grind} (sense 3).
%%
:cryppie: /krip'ee/ n. A cryptographer.  One who hacks or implements
   cryptographic software or hardware.
%%
:CTSS: /C-T-S-S/ n. Compatible Time-Sharing System.  An early
   (1963) experiment in the design of interactive time-sharing
   operating systems, ancestral to {{Multics}}, {{UNIX}}, and
   {{ITS}}.  The name {{ITS}} (Incompatible Time-sharing System)
   was a hack on CTSS, meant both as a joke and to express some basic
   differences in philosophy about the way I/O services should be
   presented to user programs.
%%
:CTY: /sit'ee/ or /C-T-Y/ n. [MIT] The terminal physically
   associated with a computer's system {{console}}.  The term is a
   contraction of `Console {tty}', that is, `Console TeleTYpe'.
   This {{ITS}}- and {{TOPS-10}}-associated term has become less
   common, as most UNIX hackers simply refer to the CTY as `the
   console'.
%%
:cube: n. 1. [short for `cubicle'] A module in the open-plan
   offices used at many programming shops.  "I've got the manuals in
   my cube."  2. A NeXT machine (which resembles a matte-black cube).
%%
:cubing: [parallel with `tubing'] vi. 1. Hacking on an IPSC (Intel
   Personal SuperComputer) hypercube.  "Louella's gone cubing
   *again*!!"  2. Hacking Rubik's Cube or related puzzles,
   either physically or mathematically.  3. An indescribable form of
   self-torture (see sense 1 or 2).
%%
:cursor dipped in X: n. There are a couple of metaphors in English
   of the form `pen dipped in X' (perhaps the most common values of X
   are `acid', `bile', and `vitriol').  These map over neatly to this
   hackish usage (the cursor being what moves, leaving letters behind,
   when one is composing on-line).  "Talk about a {nastygram}!  He
   must've had his cursor dipped in acid when he wrote that one!"
%%
:cuspy: /kuhs'pee/ [WPI: from the DEC abbreviation CUSP, for `Commonly
   Used System Program', i.e., a utility program used by many people]
   adj. 1. (of a program) Well-written.  2. Functionally excellent.  A
   program that performs well and interfaces well to users is cuspy.
   See {rude}.  3. [NYU] Said of an attractive woman, especially one
   regarded as available.  Implies a certain curvaceousness.
%%
:cut a tape: vi. To write a software or document distribution on
   magnetic tape for shipment.  Has nothing to do with physically
   cutting the medium!  Early versions of this lexicon claimed that
   one never analogously speaks of `cutting a disk', but this has
   since been reported as live usage.  Related slang usages are
   mainstream business's `cut a check', the recording industry's
   `cut a record', and the military's `cut an order'.

   All of these usages reflect physical processes in obsolete
   recording and duplication technologies.  The first stage in
   manufacturing an old-style vinyl record involved cutting grooves in
   a stamping die with a precision lathe.  More mundanely, the
   dominant technology for mass duplication of paper documents in
   pre-photocopying days involved "cutting a stencil", punching away
   portions of the wax overlay on a silk screen.  More directly,
   paper tape with holes punched in it was an inportant early storage
   medium.
%%
:cybercrud: /si:'ber-kruhd/ [coined by Ted Nelson] n. Obfuscatory
   tech-talk.  Verbiage with a high {MEGO} factor.  The computer
   equivalent of bureaucratese.
%%
:cyberpunk: /si:'ber-puhnk/ [orig. by SF writer Bruce Bethke
   and/or editor Gardner Dozois] n.,adj. A subgenre of SF launched
   in 1982 by William Gibson's epoch-making novel `Neuromancer'
   (though its roots go back through Vernor Vinge's `True Names'
   (see "{True Names ... and Other Dangers}" in
   appendix C) to John Brunner's 1975 novel `The Shockwave
   Rider').  Gibson's near-total ignorance of computers and the
   present-day hacker culture enabled him to speculate about the role
   of computers and hackers in the future in ways hackers have since
   found both irritatingly na"ive and tremendously stimulating.
   Gibson's work was widely imitated, in particular by the short-lived
   but innovative "Max Headroom" TV series.  See
   {cyberspace}, {ice}, {jack in}, {go flatline}.
%%
:cyberspace: /si:'ber-spays/ n. 1. Notional `information-space'
   loaded with visual cues and navigable with brain-computer
   interfaces called `cyberspace decks'; a characteristic prop of
   {cyberpunk} SF.  At the time of this writing (mid-1991),
   serious efforts to construct {virtual reality} interfaces
   modeled explicitly on Gibsonian cyberspace are already under way,
   using more conventional devices such as glove sensors and binocular
   TV headsets.  Few hackers are prepared to deny outright the
   possibility of a cyberspace someday evolving out of the network
   (see {network, the}).  2. Occasionally, the metaphoric location
   of the mind of a person in {hack mode}.  Some hackers report
   experiencing strong eidetic imagery when in hack mode;
   interestingly, independent reports from multiple sources suggest
   that there are common features to the experience.  In particular,
   the dominant colors of this subjective `cyberspace' are often
   gray and silver, and the imagery often involves constellations of
   marching dots, elaborate shifting patterns of lines and angles, or
   moire patterns.
%%
:cycle: 1. n. The basic unit of computation.  What every hacker
   wants more of (noted hacker Bill Gosper describes himself as a
   "cycle junkie"). One can describe an instruction as taking so
   many `clock cycles'.  Often the computer can access its
   memory once on every clock cycle, and so one speaks also of
   `memory cycles'.  These are technical meanings of {cycle}.  The
   jargon meaning comes from the observation that there are only so
   many cycles per second, and when you are sharing a computer the
   cycles get divided up among the users.  The more cycles the
   computer spends working on your program rather than someone else's,
   the faster your program will run.  That's why every hacker wants
   more cycles: so he can spend less time waiting for the computer to
   respond.  2. By extension, a notional unit of *human* thought
   power, emphasizing that lots of things compete for the typical
   hacker's think time.  "I refused to get involved with the Rubik's
   Cube back when it was big.  Knew I'd burn too many cycles on it if
   I let myself."  3. vt. Syn. {bounce}, {120 reset}; from the
   phrase `cycle power'. "Cycle the machine again, that serial port's
   still hung."
%%
:cycle crunch: n. A situation where the number of people trying to
   use the computer simultaneously has reached the point where no one
   can get enough cycles because they are spread too thin and the
   system has probably begun to {thrash}.  This is an inevitable
   result of Parkinson's Law applied to timesharing.  Usually the only
   solution is to buy more computer.  Happily, this has rapidly become
   easier in recent years, so much so that the very term `cycle
   crunch' now has a faintly archaic flavor; most hackers now use
   workstations or personal computers as opposed to traditional
   timesharing systems.
%%
:cycle drought: n. A scarcity of cycles.  It may be due to a {cycle
   crunch}, but it could also occur because part of the computer is
   temporarily not working, leaving fewer cycles to go around.
   "The {high moby} is {down}, so we're running with only
   half the usual amount of memory.  There will be a cycle drought
   until it's fixed."
%%
:cycle of reincarnation: [coined by Ivan Sutherland ca. 1970] n.
   Term used to refer to a well-known effect whereby function in a
   computing system family is migrated out to special-purpose
   peripheral hardware for speed, then the peripheral evolves toward
   more computing power as it does its job, then somebody notices that
   it is inefficient to support two asymmetrical processors in the
   architecture and folds the function back into the main CPU, at
   which point the cycle begins again.  Several iterations of this
   cycle have been observed in graphics-processor design, and at least
   one or two in communications and floating-point processors.  Also
   known as `the Wheel of Life', `the Wheel of Samsara', and other
   variations of the basic Hindu/Buddhist theological idea.
%%
:cycle server: n. A powerful machine that exists primarily for
   running large {batch} jobs.  Implies that interactive tasks such as
   editing are done on other machines on the network, such as
   workstations.
%%
:D. C. Power Lab: n. The former site of {{SAIL}}.  Hackers thought
   this was very funny because the obvious connection to electrical
   engineering was nonexistent --- the lab was named for a Donald C.
   Power.  Compare {Marginal Hacks}.
%%
:daemon: /day'mn/ or /dee'mn/ [from the mythological meaning,
   later rationalized as the acronym `Disk And Execution MONitor'] n.
   A program that is not invoked explicitly, but lies dormant waiting
   for some condition(s) to occur.  The idea is that the perpetrator
   of the condition need not be aware that a daemon is lurking (though
   often a program will commit an action only because it knows that it
   will implicitly invoke a daemon).  For example, under {{ITS}}
   writing a file on the {LPT} spooler's directory would invoke the
   spooling daemon, which would then print the file.  The advantage is
   that programs wanting (in this example) files printed need not
   compete for access to the {LPT}.  They simply enter their
   implicit requests and let the daemon decide what to do with them.
   Daemons are usually spawned automatically by the system, and may
   either live forever or be regenerated at intervals.  Daemon and
   {demon} are often used interchangeably, but seem to have
   distinct connotations.  The term `daemon' was introduced to
   computing by {CTSS} people (who pronounced it /dee'mon/) and
   used it to refer to what ITS called a {dragon}.  Although the
   meaning and the pronunciation have drifted, we think this glossary
   reflects current (1991) usage.
%%
:dangling pointer: n. A reference that doesn't actually lead
   anywhere (in C and some other languages, a pointer that doesn't
   actually point at anything valid).  Usually this is because it
   formerly pointed to something that has moved or disappeared.  Used
   as jargon in a generalization of its techspeak meaning; for
   example, a local phone number for a person who has since moved to
   the other coast is a dangling pointer.
%%
:dark-side hacker: n. A criminal or malicious hacker; a
   {cracker}.  From George Lucas's Darth Vader, "seduced by the
   dark side of the Force".  The implication that hackers form a
   sort of elite of technological Jedi Knights is intended.  Oppose
   {samurai}.
%%
:Datamation: /day`t*-may'sh*n/ n. A magazine that many hackers
   assume all {suit}s read.  Used to question an unbelieved quote,
   as in "Did you read that in `Datamation?'" It used to
   publish something hackishly funny every once in a while, like the
   original paper on {COME FROM} in 1973, but it has since become much
   more exclusively {suit}-oriented and boring.
%%
:day mode: n. See {phase} (sense 1).  Used of people only.
%%
Q. What do you call a penis washed up on a Florida beach?
A. A shuttle cock.
%%
Q. What was the colour of Christa McCauliffe's eyes?
A. Blue - one blew this way and one blew that way.
%%
Q. What were Christa McCauliffe's last words?
A. "What does this button do?"
%%
Q. What is the Astronauts' favorite drink?
A. 7-UP.
%%
Q. Why was Christa McCauliffe voted Teacher of the Year for 1986?
A. She only blew up once in front of the class.
%%
Q. Why did they only send one nigger on the last Challenger mission?
A. They didn't know that it was going to blow up.
%%
Q. What is red and travels at 50,000 kilometres per hour?
A. An apple for the teacher.
%%
Q. When is the next shuttle going up?
A. On the Fourth of July.
%%
Q. What was the Australian theory for the shuttle disaster?
A. A dingo with a jet-pack.
%%
Q. Where did Kevin Barlow plan to go when he got back from Malaysia?
A. Noosa Heads.
%%
:black hole: n. When a piece of email or netnews disappears
   mysteriously between its origin and destination sites (that is,
   without returning a {bounce message}) it is commonly said to have
   `fallen into a black hole'.  "I think there's a black hole at
   foovax!" conveys suspicion that site foovax has been dropping
   a lot of stuff on the floor lately (see {drop on the floor}).
   The implied metaphor of email as interstellar travel is interesting
   in itself.  Compare {bit bucket}.
%%
:black magic: n. A technique that works, though nobody really
   understands why.  More obscure than {voodoo programming}, which
   may be done by cookbook.  Compare also {black art}, {deep
   magic}, and {magic number} (sense 2).
%%
:blargh: /blarg/ [MIT] n. The opposite of {ping}, sense 5; an
   exclamation indicating that one has absorbed or is emitting a
   quantum of unhappiness.  Less common than {ping}.
%%
:blast: 1. vt.,n. Synonym for {BLT}, used esp. for large data
   sends over a network or comm line.  Opposite of {snarf}.  Usage:
   uncommon.  The variant `blat' has been reported.  2. vt.
   [HP/Apollo] Synonymous with {nuke} (sense 3).  Sometimes the
   message `Unable to kill all processes.  Blast them (y/n)?' would
   appear in the command window upon logout.
%%
:blat: n. 1. Syn. {blast}, sense 1.  2. See {thud}.
%%
:bletch: /blech/ [from Yiddish/German `brechen', to vomit, poss.
   via comic-strip exclamation `blech'] interj.  Term of disgust.
   Often used in "Ugh, bletch".  Compare {barf}.
%%
:bletcherous: /blech'*-r*s/ adj. Disgusting in design or function;
   esthetically unappealing.  This word is seldom used of people.
   "This keyboard is bletcherous!" (Perhaps the keys don't work very
   well, or are misplaced.)  See {losing}, {cretinous},
   {bagbiter}, {bogus}, and {random}.  The term {bletcherous}
   applies to the esthetics of the thing so described; similarly for
   {cretinous}.  By contrast, something that is `losing' or
   `bagbiting' may be failing to meet objective criteria.  See also
   {bogus} and {random}, which have richer and wider shades of
   meaning than any of the above.
%%
:blinkenlights: /blink'*n-li:tz/ n. Front-panel diagnostic lights
   on a computer, esp. a {dinosaur}.  Derives from the last word
   of the famous blackletter-Gothic sign in mangled pseudo-German that
   once graced about half the computer rooms in the English-speaking
   world.  One version ran in its entirety as follows:

                   ACHTUNG!  ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS!  Das
     computermachine ist nicht fuer gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.
     Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken
     mit spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das dumpkopfen.
     Das rubbernecken sichtseeren keepen das cotten-pickenen hans in das
     pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das blinkenlichten.


   This silliness dates back at least as far as 1959 at Stanford
   University and had already gone international by the early 1960s,
   when it was reported at London University's ATLAS computing site.
   There are several variants of it in circulation, some of which
   actually do end with the word `blinkenlights'.

   In an amusing example of turnabout-is-fair-play, German hackers
   have developed their own versions of the blinkenlights poster in
   fractured English, one of which is reproduced here:

                               ATTENTION
        This room is fullfilled mit special electronische equippment.
        Fingergrabbing and pressing the cnoeppkes from the computers is
        allowed for die experts only!  So all the "lefthanders" stay away
        and do not disturben the brainstorming von here working
        intelligencies.  Otherwise you will be out thrown and kicked
        anderswhere!  Also: please keep still and only watchen astaunished
        the blinkenlights.

   See also {geef}.
%%
:blit: /blit/ vt. 1. To copy a large array of bits from one part
   of a computer's memory to another part, particularly when the
   memory is being used to determine what is shown on a display
   screen.  "The storage allocator picks through the table and copies
   the good parts up into high memory, and then blits it all back
   down again."  See {bitblt}, {BLT}, {dd}, {cat},
   {blast}, {snarf}.  More generally, to perform some operation
   (such as toggling) on a large array of bits while moving them.
   2. All-capitalized as `BLIT': an early experimental bit-mapped
   terminal designed by Rob Pike at Bell Labs, later commercialized as
   the AT&T 5620.  (The folk etymology from `Bell Labs Intelligent
   Terminal' is incorrect.)
%%
:blitter: /blit'r/ n. A special-purpose chip or hardware system
   built to perform {blit} operations, esp. used for fast
   implementation of bit-mapped graphics.  The Commodore Amiga and a
   few other micros have these, but in 1991 the trend is away from
   them (however, see {cycle of reincarnation}).  Syn. {raster
   blaster}.
%%
:blivet: /bliv'*t/ [allegedly from a World War II military term
   meaning "ten pounds of manure in a five-pound bag"] n. 1. An
   intractable problem.  2. A crucial piece of hardware that can't be
   fixed or replaced if it breaks.  3. A tool that has been hacked
   over by so many incompetent programmers that it has become an
   unmaintainable tissue of hacks.  4. An out-of-control but
   unkillable development effort.  5. An embarrassing bug that pops up
   during a customer demo.

   This term has other meanings in other technical cultures; among
   experimental physicists and hardware engineers of various kinds it
   seems to mean any random object of unknown purpose (similar to
   hackish use of {frob}).  It has also been used to describe an
   amusing trick-the-eye drawing resembling a three-pronged fork that
   appears to depict a three-dimensional object until one realizes
   that the parts fit together in an impossible way.
%%
:BLOB: [acronym, Binary Large OBject] n. Used by database people to
   refer to any random large block of bits which needs to be stored in
   a database, such as a picture or sound file.  The essential point
   about a BLOB is that it's an object you can't interpret within the
   database itself.
%%
:block: [from process scheduling terminology in OS theory] 1. vi.
   To delay or sit idle while waiting for something.  "We're blocking
   until everyone gets here."  Compare {busy-wait}.  2. `block
   on' vt. To block, waiting for (something).  "Lunch is blocked on
   Phil's arrival."
%%
:block transfer computations: n. From the television series
   "Dr. Who", in which it referred to computations so fiendishly
   subtle and complex that they could not be performed by machines.
   Used to refer to any task that should be expressible as an
   algorithm in theory, but isn't.
%%
:blow an EPROM: /bloh *n ee'prom/ v. (alt. `blast an EPROM',
   `burn an EPROM') To program a read-only memory, e.g. for use
   with an embedded system.  This term arises because the programming
   process for the Programmable Read-Only Memories (PROMs) that
   preceded present-day Erasable Programmable Read-Only Memories
   (EPROMs) involved intentionally blowing tiny electrical fuses on
   the chip.  Thus, one was said to `blow' (or `blast') a PROM, and
   the terminology carried over even though the write process on
   EPROMs is nondestructive.
%%
:blow away: vt. To remove (files and directories) from permanent
   storage, generally by accident.  "He reformatted the wrong
   partition and blew away last night's netnews."  Oppose {nuke}.
%%
:blow out: vi. Of software, to fail spectacularly; almost as
   serious as {crash and burn}.  See {blow past}, {blow up},
   {die horribly}.
%%
:blow past: vt. To {blow out} despite a safeguard.  "The server blew
   past the 5K reserve buffer."
%%
:blow up: vi. 1. [scientific computation] To become unstable.  Suggests
   that the computation is diverging so rapidly that it will soon
   overflow or at least go {nonlinear}.  2.  Syn. {blow out}.
%%
:BLT: /B-L-T/, /bl*t/ or (rarely) /belt/ n.,vt. Synonym for
   {blit}.  This is the original form of {blit} and the ancestor
   of {bitblt}.  It referred to any large bit-field copy or move
   operation (one resource-intensive memory-shuffling operation done
   on pre-paged versions of ITS, WAITS, and TOPS-10 was sardonically
   referred to as `The Big BLT').  The jargon usage has outlasted the
   {PDP-10} BLock Transfer instruction from which {BLT} derives;
   nowadays, the assembler mnemonic {BLT} almost always means
   `Branch if Less Than zero'.
%%
:Blue Book: n. 1. Informal name for one of the three standard
   references on the page-layout and graphics-control language
   {PostScript} (`PostScript Language Tutorial and Cookbook',
   Adobe Systems, Addison-Wesley 1985, QA76.73.P67P68, ISBN
   0-201-10179-3); the other two official guides are known as the
   {Green Book}, the {Red Book}, and the {White Book} (sense
   2).  2. Informal name for one of the three standard references on
   Smalltalk: `Smalltalk-80: The Language and its
   Implementation', David Robson, Addison-Wesley 1983, QA76.8.S635G64,
   ISBN 0-201-11371-63 (this is also associated with green and red
   books).  3. Any of the 1988 standards issued by the CCITT's
   ninth plenary assembly.  Until now, they have changed color each
   review cycle (1984 was {Red Book}, 1992 would be {Green
   Book}); however, it is rumored that this convention is going to be
   dropped before 1992.  These include, among other things, the
   X.400 email spec and the Group 1 through 4 fax standards.  See also
   {{book titles}}.
%%
:Blue Glue: [IBM] n. IBM's SNA (Systems Network Architecture), an
   incredibly {losing} and {bletcherous} communications protocol
   widely favored at commercial shops that don't know any better.  The
   official IBM definition is "that which binds blue boxes
   together."  See {fear and loathing}.  It may not be irrelevant
   that {Blue Glue} is the trade name of a 3M product that is
   commonly used to hold down the carpet squares to the removable
   panel floors common in {dinosaur pen}s.  A correspondent at
   U. Minn. reports that the CS department there has about 80 bottles
   of the stuff hanging about, so they often refer to any messy work
   to be done as `using the blue glue'.
%%
:blue goo: n. Term for `police' {nanobot}s intended to prevent
   {gray goo}, denature hazardous waste, destroy pollution, put
   ozone back into the stratosphere, prevent halitosis, and promote
   truth, justice, and the American way, etc.  See
   {{nanotechnology}}.
%%
:blue wire: [IBM] n. Patch wires added to circuit boards at the factory to
   correct design or fabrication problems.  This may be necessary if
   there hasn't been time to design and qualify another board version.
   Compare {purple wire}, {red wire}, {yellow wire}.
%%
:blurgle: /bler'gl/ [Great Britain] n. Spoken {metasyntactic
   variable}, to indicate some text which is obvious from context, or
   which is already known. If several words are to be replaced,
   blurgle may well be doubled or trebled. "To look for something in
   several files use `grep string blurgle blurgle'."  In each case,
   "blurgle blurgle" would be understood to be replaced by the file
   you wished to search.  Compare {mumble}, sense 6.
%%
:boa: [IBM] n. Any one of the fat cables that lurk under the floor
   in a {dinosaur pen}.  Possibly so called because they display a
   ferocious life of their own when you try to lay them straight and
   flat after they have been coiled for some time.  It is rumored
   within IBM that channel cables for the 370 are limited to 200 feet
   because beyond that length the boas get dangerous --- and it is
   worth noting that one of the major cable makers uses the trademark
   `Anaconda'.
%%
:board: n. 1. In-context synonym for {bboard}; sometimes used
   even for USENET newsgroups.  2. An electronic circuit board
   (compare {card}).
%%
:boat anchor: n. 1. Like {doorstop} but more severe; implies that
   the offending hardware is irreversibly dead or useless.  "That was
   a working motherboard once.  One lightning strike later, instant
   boat anchor!"  2. A person who just takes up space.
%%
:BOF: /B-O-F/ or /bof/ n. Abbreviation for the phrase "Birds
   Of a Feather" (flocking together), an informal discussion group
   and/or bull session scheduled on a conference program.  It is not
   clear where or when this term originated, but it is now associated
   with the USENIX conferences for UNIX techies and was already
   established there by 1984.  It was used earlier than that at DECUS
   conferences, and is reported to have been common at SHARE meetings
   as far back as the early 1960s.
%%
:bogo-sort: /boh`goh-sort'/ n. (var. `stupid-sort') The
   archetypical perversely awful algorithm (as opposed to {bubble
   sort}, which is merely the generic *bad* algorithm).
   Bogo-sort is equivalent to repeatedly throwing a deck of cards in
   the air, picking them up at random, and then testing whether they
   are in order.  It serves as a sort of canonical example of
   awfulness.  Looking at a program and seeing a dumb algorithm, one
   might say "Oh, I see, this program uses bogo-sort."  Compare
   {bogus}, {brute force}.
%%
:bogometer: /boh-gom'-*t-er/ n. See {bogosity}.  Compare the
   `wankometer' described in the {wank} entry; see also
   {bogus}.
%%
:bogon: /boh'gon/ [by analogy with proton/electron/neutron, but
   doubtless reinforced after 1980 by the similarity to Douglas
   Adams's `Vogons'; see the Bibliography in {appendix C}] n.
   1. The elementary particle of bogosity (see {quantum
   bogodynamics}).  For instance, "the Ethernet is emitting bogons
   again" means that it is broken or acting in an erratic or bogus
   fashion.  2. A query packet sent from a TCP/IP domain resolver to a
   root server, having the reply bit set instead of the query bit.
   3. Any bogus or incorrectly formed packet sent on a network.  4. By
   synecdoche, used to refer to any bogus thing, as in "I'd like to
   go to lunch with you but I've got to go to the weekly staff
   bogon".  5. A person who is bogus or who says bogus things.  This
   was historically the original usage, but has been overtaken by its
   derivative senses 1--4.  See also {bogosity}, {bogus};
   compare {psyton}, {fat electrons}, {magic smoke}.

   The bogon has become the type case for a whole bestiary of nonce
   particle names, including the `clutron' or `cluon' (indivisible
   particle of cluefulness, obviously the antiparticle of the bogon)
   and the futon (elementary particle of {randomness}).  These are
   not so much live usages in themselves as examples of a live
   meta-usage: that is, it has become a standard joke or linguistic
   maneuver to "explain" otherwise mysterious circumstances by inventing
   nonce particle names.  And these imply nonce particle theories, with
   all their dignity or lack thereof (we might note *parenthetically* that
   this is a generalization from "(bogus particle) theories" to "bogus
   (particle theories)"!).  Perhaps such particles are the modern-day
   equivalents of trolls and wood-nymphs as standard starting-points
   around which to construct explanatory myths.  Of course, playing on
   an existing word (as in the `futon') yields additional flavor.
   Compare {magic smoke}.
%%
:bogon filter: /boh'gon fil'tr/ n. Any device, software or hardware,
   that limits or suppresses the flow and/or emission of bogons.
   "Engineering hacked a bogon filter between the Cray and
   the VAXen, and now we're getting fewer dropped packets."  See
   also {bogosity}, {bogus}.
%%
:bogon flux: /boh'gon fluhks/ n. A measure of a supposed field of
   {bogosity} emitted by a speaker, measured by a {bogometer};
   as a speaker starts to wander into increasing bogosity a listener
   might say "Warning, warning, bogon flux is rising".  See
   {quantum bogodynamics}.
%%
:bogosity: /boh-go's*-tee/ n. 1. The degree to which something is
   {bogus}.  At CMU, bogosity is measured with a {bogometer}; in
   a seminar, when a speaker says something bogus, a listener might
   raise his hand and say "My bogometer just triggered".  More
   extremely, "You just pinned my bogometer" means you just said or
   did something so outrageously bogus that it is off the scale,
   pinning the bogometer needle at the highest possible reading (one
   might also say "You just redlined my bogometer").  The
   agreed-upon unit of bogosity is the microLenat /mi:k`roh-len'*t/
   (uL).  The consensus is that this is the largest unit practical
   for everyday use.  2. The potential field generated by a {bogon
   flux}; see {quantum bogodynamics}.  See also {bogon flux},
   {bogon filter}, {bogus}.

   Historical note: The microLenat was invented as an attack against
   noted computer scientist Doug Lenat by a {tenured graduate
   student}.  Doug had failed the student on an important exam for
   giving only "AI is bogus" as his answer to the questions.  The
   slur is generally considered unmerited, but it has become a running
   gag nevertheless.  Some of Doug's friends argue that *of
   course* a microLenat is bogus, since it is only one millionth of a
   Lenat.  Others have suggested that the unit should be redesignated
   after the grad student, as the microReid.
%%
:bogotify: /boh-go't*-fi:/ vt. To make or become bogus.  A
   program that has been changed so many times as to become completely
   disorganized has become bogotified.  If you tighten a nut too hard
   and strip the threads on the bolt, the bolt has become bogotified
   and you had better not use it any more.  This coinage led to the
   notional `autobogotiphobia' defined as `the fear of becoming
   bogotified'; but is not clear that the latter has ever been
   `live' jargon rather than a self-conscious joke in jargon about
   jargon.  See also {bogosity}, {bogus}.
%%
:bogue out: /bohg owt/ vi. To become bogus, suddenly and
   unexpectedly.  "His talk was relatively sane until somebody asked
   him a trick question; then he bogued out and did nothing but
   {flame} afterwards."  See also {bogosity}, {bogus}.
%%
:bogus: adj. 1. Non-functional.  "Your patches are bogus."
   2. Useless.  "OPCON is a bogus program."  3. False.  "Your
   arguments are bogus."  4. Incorrect.  "That algorithm is bogus."
   5. Unbelievable.  "You claim to have solved the halting problem
   for Turing Machines?  That's totally bogus."  6. Silly.  "Stop
   writing those bogus sagas."

   Astrology is bogus.  So is a bolt that is obviously about to break.
   So is someone who makes blatantly false claims to have solved a
   scientific problem.  (This word seems to have some, but not all, of
   the connotations of {random} --- mostly the negative ones.)

   It is claimed that `bogus' was originally used in the hackish sense
   at Princeton in the late 1960s.  It was spread to CMU and Yale by
   Michael Shamos, a migratory Princeton alumnus.  A glossary of bogus
   words was compiled at Yale when the word was first popularized (see
   {autobogotiphobia} under {bogotify}). The word spread into
   hackerdom from CMU and MIT.  By the early 1980s it was also
   current in something like the hackish sense in West Coast teen
   slang, and it had gone mainstream by 1985.  A correspondent from
   Cambridge reports, by contrast, that these uses of `bogus' grate on
   British nerves; in Britain the word means, rather specifically,
   `counterfeit', as in "a bogus 10-pound note".
%%
:Bohr bug: /bohr buhg/ [from quantum physics] n. A repeatable
   {bug}; one that manifests reliably under a possibly unknown but
   well-defined set of conditions.  Antonym of {heisenbug}; see also
   {mandelbug}, {schroedinbug}.
%%
:boink: /boynk/ [USENET: ascribed there to the TV series
   "Cheers" and "Moonlighting"] 1. To have sex with;
   compare {bounce}, sense 3. (This is mainstream slang.) In
   Commonwealth hackish the variant `bonk' is more common.  2. After
   the original Peter Korn `Boinkon' {USENET} parties, used for
   almost any net social gathering, e.g., Miniboink, a small boink
   held by Nancy Gillett in 1988; Minniboink, a Boinkcon in Minnesota
   in 1989; Humpdayboinks, Wednesday get-togethers held in the San
   Francisco Bay Area.  Compare {@-party}.  3. Var of `bonk';
   see {bonk/oif}.
%%
:bomb: 1. v. General synonym for {crash} (sense 1) except that
   it is not used as a noun; esp. used of software or OS failures.
   "Don't run Empire with less than 32K stack, it'll bomb."
   2. n.,v. Atari ST and Macintosh equivalents of a UNIX `panic' or
   Amiga {guru} (sense 2), where icons of little black-powder bombs
   or mushroom clouds are displayed, indicating that the system has
   died.  On the Mac, this may be accompanied by a decimal (or
   occasionally hexadecimal) number indicating what went wrong,
   similar to the Amiga {guru meditation} number.  {{MS-DOS}}
   machines tend to get {locked up} in this situation.
%%
:bondage-and-discipline language: A language (such as Pascal, Ada,
   APL, or Prolog) that, though ostensibly general-purpose, is
   designed so as to enforce an author's theory of `right
   programming' even though said theory is demonstrably inadequate for
   systems hacking or even vanilla general-purpose programming.  Often
   abbreviated `B&D'; thus, one may speak of things "having the
   B&D nature".  See {{Pascal}}; oppose {languages of choice}.
%%
:bonk/oif: /bonk/, /oyf/ interj. In the {MUD} community, it has
   become traditional to express pique or censure by `bonking' the
   offending person.  There is a convention that one should
   acknowledge a bonk by saying `oif!' and a myth to the effect that
   failing to do so upsets the cosmic bonk/oif balance, causing much
   trouble in the universe.  Some MUDs have implemented special
   commands for bonking and oifing.  See also {talk mode},
   {posing}.
%%
:book titles:: There is a tradition in hackerdom of informally
   tagging important textbooks and standards documents with the
   dominant color of their covers or with some other conspicuous
   feature of the cover.  Many of these are described in this lexicon
   under their own entries. See {Aluminum Book}, {Blue Book},
   {Cinderella Book}, {Devil Book}, {Dragon Book}, {Green
   Book}, {Orange Book}, {Pink-Shirt Book}, {Purple Book},
   {Red Book}, {Silver Book}, {White Book}, {Wizard Book},
   {Yellow Book}, and {bible}; see also {rainbow
   series}.
%%
:boot: [techspeak; from `by one's bootstraps'] v.,n. To load and
   initialize the operating system on a machine.  This usage is no
   longer jargon (having passed into techspeak) but has given rise to
   some derivatives that are still jargon.

   Historical note: this term derives from `bootstrap loader', a short
   program that was read in from cards or paper tape, or toggled in
   from the front panel switches.  This program was always very short
   (great efforts were expended on making it short in order to
   minimize the labor and chance of error involved in toggling it in),
   but was just smart enough to read in a slightly more complex
   program (usually from a card or paper tape reader), to which it
   handed control; this program in turn was smart enough to read the
   application or operating system from a magnetic tape drive or disk
   drive.  Thus, in successive steps, the computer `pulled itself up
   by its bootstraps' to a useful operating state.  Nowadays the
   bootstrap is usually found in ROM or EPROM, and reads the first
   stage in from a fixed location on the disk, called the `boot
   block'.  When this program gains control, it is powerful enough to
   load the actual OS and hand control over to it.
%%
:bottom feeder: n. syn. for {slopsucker} derived from the
   fisherman's and naturalist's term for finny creatures who subsist
   on the primordial ooze.
%%
:bottom-up implementation: n. Hackish opposite of the techspeak term
   `top-down design'.  It is now received wisdom in most
   programming cultures that it is best to design from higher levels
   of abstraction down to lower, specifying sequences of action in
   increasing detail until you get to actual code.  Hackers often find
   (especially in exploratory designs that cannot be closely
   specified in advance) that it works best to *build* things in
   the opposite order, by writing and testing a clean set of primitive
   operations and then knitting them together.
%%
:bounce: v. 1. [perhaps from the image of a thrown ball bouncing
   off a wall] An electronic mail message that is undeliverable and
   returns an error notification to the sender is said to `bounce'.
   See also {bounce message}.  2. [Stanford] To play volleyball.
   At the now-demolished {D. C. Power Lab} building used by the
   Stanford AI Lab in the 1970s, there was a volleyball court on the
   front lawn.  From 5 P.M. to 7 P.M. was the scheduled
   maintenance time for the computer, so every afternoon at 5 the
   computer would become unavailable, and over the intercom a voice
   would cry, "Now hear this: bounce, bounce!" followed by Brian
   McCune loudly bouncing a volleyball on the floor outside the
   offices of known volleyballers.  3. To engage in sexual
   intercourse; prob. from the expression `bouncing the mattress',
   but influenced by Roo's psychosexually loaded "Try bouncing me,
   Tigger!" from the "Winnie-the-Pooh" books.  Compare
   {boink}.  4. To casually reboot a system in order to clear up a
   transient problem.  Reported primarily among {VMS} users.
   5. [IBM] To {power cycle} a peripheral in order to reset it.
%%
:bounce message: [UNIX] n. Notification message returned to sender by
   a site unable to relay {email} to the intended {{Internet address}}
   recipient or the next link in a {bang path} (see {bounce}).
   Reasons might include a nonexistent or misspelled username or a
   {down} relay site.  Bounce messages can themselves fail, with
   occasionally ugly results; see {sorcerer's apprentice mode}.
   The terms `bounce mail' and `barfmail' are also common.
%%
:boustrophedon: [from a Greek word for turning like an ox while
   plowing] n. An ancient method of writing using alternate
   left-to-right and right-to-left lines.  This term is actually
   philologists' techspeak and typesetter's jargon.  Erudite hackers
   use it for an optimization performed by some computer typesetting
   software (notably UNIX `troff(1)').  The adverbial form
   `boustrophedonically' is also found (hackers purely love
   constructions like this).
%%
:box: n. 1. A computer; esp. in the construction `foo box'
   where foo is some functional qualifier, like `graphics', or
   the name of an OS (thus, `UNIX box', `MS-DOS box', etc.)  "We
   preprocess the data on UNIX boxes before handing it up to the
   mainframe."  2. [within IBM] Without qualification but within an
   SNA-using site, this refers specifically to an IBM front-end
   processor or FEP /F-E-P/.  An FEP is a small computer necessary
   to enable an IBM {mainframe} to communicate beyond the limits of
   the {dinosaur pen}.  Typically used in expressions like the cry
   that goes up when an SNA network goes down: "Looks like the
   {box} has fallen over." (See {fall over}.) See also
   {IBM}, {fear and loathing}, {fepped out}, {Blue
   Glue}.
%%
:boxed comments: n. Comments (explanatory notes attached to program
   instructions) that occupy several lines by themselves; so called
   because in assembler and C code they are often surrounded by a box
   in a style something like this:

     /*************************************************
      *
      * This is a boxed comment in C style
      *
      *************************************************/

   Common variants of this style omit the asterisks in column 2 or add
   a matching row of asterisks closing the right side of the box.  The
   sparest variant omits all but the comment delimiters themselves;
   the `box' is implied.  Oppose {winged comments}.
%%
:boxen: /bok'sn/ [by analogy with {VAXen}] pl.n. Fanciful
   plural of {box} often encountered in the phrase `UNIX boxen',
   used to describe commodity {{UNIX}} hardware.  The connotation is
   that any two UNIX boxen are interchangeable.
%%
:boxology: /bok-sol'*-jee/ n. Syn. {ASCII art}.  This term
   implies a more restricted domain, that of box-and-arrow drawings.
   "His report has a lot of boxology in it."  Compare
   {macrology}.
%%
:bozotic: /boh-zoh'tik/ or /boh-zo'tik/ [from the name of a TV
   clown even more losing than Ronald McDonald] adj. Resembling or
   having the quality of a bozo; that is, clownish, ludicrously wrong,
   unintentionally humorous.  Compare {wonky}, {demented}.  Note
   that the noun `bozo' occurs in slang, but the mainstream
   adjectival form would be `bozo-like' or (in New England)
   `bozoish'.
%%
:BQS: /B-Q-S/ adj. Syn. {Berkeley Quality Software}.
%%
:brain dump: n. The act of telling someone everything one knows
   about a particular topic or project.  Typically used when someone
   is going to let a new party maintain a piece of code.  Conceptually
   analogous to an operating system {core dump} in that it saves a
   lot of useful {state} before an exit.  "You'll have to
   give me a brain dump on FOOBAR before you start your new job at
   HackerCorp."  See {core dump} (sense 4).  At Sun, this is also
   known as `TOI' (transfer of information).
%%
:brain fart: n. The actual result of a {braino}, as opposed to
   the mental glitch which is the braino itself.  E.g. typing
   `dir' on a UNIX box after a session with DOS.
%%
:brain-damaged: 1. [generalization of `Honeywell Brain Damage'
   (HBD), a theoretical disease invented to explain certain utter
   cretinisms in Honeywell {{Multics}}] adj. Obviously wrong;
   {cretinous}; {demented}.  There is an implication that the
   person responsible must have suffered brain damage, because he
   should have known better.  Calling something brain-damaged is
   really bad; it also implies it is unusable, and that its failure to
   work is due to poor design rather than some accident.  "Only six
   monocase characters per file name?  Now *that's*
   brain-damaged!"  2. [esp. in the Mac world] May refer to free
   demonstration software that has been deliberately crippled in some
   way so as not to compete with the commercial product it is
   intended to sell.  Syn.  {crippleware}.
%%
:brain-dead: adj. Brain-damaged in the extreme.  It tends to imply
   terminal design failure rather than malfunction or simple
   stupidity.  "This comm program doesn't know how to send a break
   --- how brain-dead!"
%%
:braino: /bray'no/ n. Syn. for {thinko}. See also {brain
   fart}.
%%
:branch to Fishkill: [IBM: from the location of one of the
   corporation's facilities] n. Any unexpected jump in a program that
   produces catastrophic or just plain weird results.  See {jump
   off into never-never land}, {hyperspace}.

:brand brand brand: n. Humorous catch-phrase from {BartleMUD}s, in
   which players were described carrying a list of objects, the most
   common of which would usually be a brand.  Often used as a joke in
   {talk mode} as in "Fred the wizard is here, carrying brand ruby
   brand brand brand kettle broadsword flamethrower".  A brand is a
   torch, of course; one burns up a lot of those exploring dungeons.
   Prob. influenced by the famous Monty Python "Spam" skit.
%%
:bread crumbs: n. Debugging statements inserted into a program that
   emit output or log indicators of the program's {state} to a file
   so you can see where it dies, or pin down the cause of surprising
   behavior. The term is probably a reference to the Hansel and Gretel
   story from the Brothers Grimm; in several variants, a character
   leaves a trail of breadcrumbs so as not to get lost in the
   woods.
%%
:break: 1. vt. To cause to be broken (in any sense).  "Your latest
   patch to the editor broke the paragraph commands."  2. v.  (of a
   program) To stop temporarily, so that it may debugged.  The place
   where it stops is a `breakpoint'.  3. [techspeak] vi. To send an
   RS-232 break (two character widths of line high) over a serial comm
   line.  4. [UNIX] vi. To strike whatever key currently causes the
   tty driver to send SIGINT to the current process.  Normally, break
   (sense 3) or delete does this.  5. `break break' may be said to
   interrupt a conversation (this is an example of verb doubling).
   This usage comes from radio communications, which in turn probably
   came from landline telegraph/teleprinter usage, as badly abused in
   the Citizen's Band craze a few years ago.
%%
:break-even point: n. in the process of implementing a new computer
   language, the point at which the language is sufficiently effective
   that one can implement the language in itself.  That is, for a new
   language called, hypothetically, FOOGOL, one has reached break-even
   when one can write a demonstration compiler for FOOGOL in FOOGOL,
   discard the original implementation language, and thereafter use
   older versions of FOOGOL to develop newer ones.  This is an
   important milestone; see {MFTL}.
%%
:breath-of-life packet: [XEROX PARC] n. An Ethernet packet that
   contained bootstrap (see {boot}) code, periodically sent out
   from a working computer to infuse the `breath of life' into any
   computer on the network that had happened to crash.  Machines
   depending on such packets have sufficient hardware or firmware code
   to wait for (or request) such a packet during the reboot process.
   See also {dickless workstation}.
%%
:breedle: n. See {feep}.
%%
:bring X to its knees: v. To present a machine, operating system,
   piece of software, or algorithm with a load so extreme or
   {pathological} that it grinds to a halt.  "To bring a MicroVAX
   to its knees, try twenty users running {vi} --- or four running
   {EMACS}."  Compare {hog}.
%%
:brittle: adj. Said of software that is functional but easily broken
   by changes in operating environment or configuration, or by any
   minor tweak to the software itself.  Also, any system that
   responds inappropriately and disastrously to expected external
   stimuli; e.g., a file system that is usually totally scrambled by a
   power failure is said to be brittle.  This term is often used to
   describe the results of a research effort that were never intended
   to be robust, but it can be applied to commercially developed
   software, which displays the quality far more often than it ought
   to.  Oppose {robust}.
%%
:broadcast storm: n. An incorrect packet broadcast on a network that
   causes most hosts to respond all at once, typically with wrong
   answers that start the process over again.  See {network
   meltdown}.
%%
:broken: adj. 1. Not working properly (of programs).  2. Behaving
   strangely; especially (when used of people) exhibiting extreme
   depression.
%%
:broken arrow: [IBM] n. The error code displayed on line 25 of a
   3270 terminal (or a PC emulating a 3270) for various kinds of
   protocol violations and "unexpected" error conditions (including
   connection to a {down} computer).  On a PC, simulated with
   `->/_', with the two center characters overstruck. In true
   {luser} fashion, the original documentation of these codes
   (visible on every 3270 terminal, and necessary for debugging
   network problems) was confined to an IBM customer engineering
   manual.

   Note: to appreciate this term fully, it helps to know that `broken
   arrow' is also military jargon for an accident involving nuclear
   weapons.... 
%%
:broket: /broh'k*t/ or /broh'ket`/ [by analogy with `bracket': a
   `broken bracket'] n. Either of the characters `<' and `>',
   when used as paired enclosing delimiters.  This word
   originated as a contraction of the phrase `broken bracket', that
   is, a bracket that is bent in the middle.  (At MIT, and apparently
   in the {Real World} as well, these are usually called {angle
   brackets}.)
%%
:Brooks's Law: prov. "Adding manpower to a late software project
   makes it later" --- a result of the fact that the advantage from
   splitting work among N programmers is O(N) (that is,
   proportional to N), but the complexity and communications
   cost associated with coordinating and then merging their work
   is O(N^2) (that is, proportional to the square of N).
   The quote is from Fred Brooks, a manager of IBM's OS/360 project
   and author of `The Mythical Man-Month' (Addison-Wesley, 1975,
   ISBN 0-201-00650-2), an excellent early book on software
   engineering.  The myth in question has been most tersely expressed
   as "Programmer time is fungible" and Brooks established
   conclusively that it is not.  Hackers have never forgotten his
   advice; too often, {management} does.  See also
   {creationism}, {second-system effect}.
%%
:BRS: /B-R-S/ n. Syn. {Big Red Switch}.  This abbreviation is
   fairly common on-line.
%%
:brute force: adj. Describes a primitive programming style, one in
   which the programmer relies on the computer's processing power
   instead of using his or her own intelligence to simplify the
   problem, often ignoring problems of scale and applying na"ive
   methods suited to small problems directly to large ones.
%%
:brute force and ignorance: n. A popular design technique at many
   software houses --- {brute force} coding unrelieved by any
   knowledge of how problems have been previously solved in elegant
   ways.  Dogmatic adherence to design methodologies tends to
   encourage it.  Characteristic of early {larval stage}
   programming; unfortunately, many never outgrow it.  Often
   abbreviated BFI: "Gak, they used a bubble sort!  That's strictly
   from BFI."  Compare {bogosity}.
%%
:BSD: /B-S-D/ n. [abbreviation for `Berkeley System Distribution'] a
   family of {{UNIX}} versions for the DEC {VAX} and PDP-11
   developed by Bill Joy and others at {Berzerkeley} starting
   around 1980, incorporating paged virtual memory, TCP/IP networking
   enhancements, and many other features.  The BSD versions (4.1, 4.2,
   and 4.3) and the commercial versions derived from them (SunOS,
   ULTRIX, and Mt. Xinu) held the technical lead in the UNIX world
   until AT&T's successful standardization efforts after about 1986,
   and are still widely popular.  See {{UNIX}}, {USG UNIX}.
%%
:BUAF: // [abbreviation, from the alt.fan.warlord] n.  Big
   Ugly ASCII Font --- a special form of {ASCII art}.  Various
   programs exist for rendering text strings into block, bloob, and
   pseudo-script fonts in cells between four and six character cells
   on a side; this is smaller than the letters generated by older
   {banner} (sense 2) programs.  These are sometimes used to render
   one's name in a {sig block}, and are critically referred to as
   `BUAF's.  See {warlording}.
%%
:BUAG: // [abbreviation, from the alt.fan.warlord] n.  Big
   Ugly ASCII Graphic.  Pejorative term for ugly {ASCII ART},
   especially as found in {sig block}s.  For some reason, mutations
   of the head of Bart Simpson are particularly common in the least
   imaginative {sig block}s. See {warlording}.
%%
Q. Why was Mrs. Barlow more successful than the Australian Cricket Team?
A. She was able to bring home The Ashes.
%%
Q. How did Chambers and Barlow get to Malaysia?
A. On a Singapore Airlines Swingaway Holiday.
%%
Q. Why did Kevin Barlow's girlfriend like him?
A. Because he was well hung.
%%
Q. Why did Brian Chambers take Kevin Barlow with him to Malaysia?
A. To show him the ropes.
%%
Q. Who died first - Chambers or Barlow?
A. It was a tie: neck-and-neck.
%%
Q. What's more dangerous than the Sydney Funnel-Web?
A. The Malaysian Trap-Door.
%%
Q. What was the name of Rock Hudson's last movie?
A. Back Passage To India.
%%
Q. Why did they bury Rock Hudson with his bum up?
A. In case one of his friends wanted to slip in for a cold one.
%%
Q. How did AIDS get into America?
A. Up the Hudson.
%%
Q. Did you hear how they're going broke up in Heaven?
A. Rock Hudson's up there blowing all the prophets.
%%
Q. What is the difference between a cow and a crocodile?
A. Cows prefer green fields, crocodiles prefer Ginger Meadows.
%%
Q. What is the difference between a crocodile and a dingo?
A. Crocodiles prefer older women.
%%
Q. What do you do if you see a crocodile with a string hanging out of it's mouth?
A. Give it a yank.
%%
Q. What would you find in Kevin Arnett's survival kit?
A. A 22-calibre rifle.
%%
Q. What is the quickest way to get from Collingwood to Heidelberg?
A. Shoot down Hoddle Street.
%%
Q. Why was the girl in the service station in Hoddle Street so upset?
A. She had asked for unleaded.
%%
Q. What is the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?
A. The pigeon can still afford to leave a deposit on a Ferrari.
%%
Q. What do you call a yuppie stockbroker?
A. Waiter.
%%
Q. What do you call a stockbroker with a smile on his face?
A. Retired.
%%
Q. What is the main difference between a Londoner and a Smartie?
A. Smarties don't melt in the tube.
%%
Q. What's the difference between Salman Rushdie and a corpse?
A. About two weeks at the most.

%%
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country
what it once was...an arctic wilderness.
        -- Steve Martin
%%
I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the *one* great intrinsic
depravity, the *one* great instinct for revenge for which no expedient
is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, *petty* -- I call it
the *one* mortal blemish of mankind.
        -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
I can resist anything but temptation.
%%
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
        -- Joe Walsh
%%
I choked Linda Lovelace.
%%
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
        -- Isaac Asimov
%%
I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.
        -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
        -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Nova Class - Prototype - Warp Optimization by Variable Geometry
                        _____       _____
            ____       /-----`-----'--.--`---...____
  _________/___/_______|_|==|===|=====|=====|===|===`
 (_________________LL<_)    `---`-..__|__..-'---'
      ,/   /_------' . .   ,--'
    _/    (             `./
   '----------_ -  -  - _/
               `~~~~~~~'
%%
Nova Class - Prototype - Warp Optimization by Variable Geometry�
                  _____
       ____...---'--.--`---...____
 `\___'===|===|=====|=====|===|===`___/'
  (___)   `---`-..__|__..-'---'   (___)
     `\\.        /\_I_/\        .//'
        `\\.__.-'_.---._`-.__.//'
           `~~`.__`---'__.'~~'
                  ~~~~~
%%
Nova Class - Prototype - Warp Optimization by Variable Geometry
            ____
           /__ /
  ________//_//____   _
 / . .             ||| \         __.-----.__
 |_________________|||_/     _.-'__--.|.--__`-._
       //_//               .'./\\\___|||___///\.`.
      //_//               / /  / \    |    / \  \ \
     //_//             __/_'-/'   \   |   /   `\-`_\
    /    `-.__   __.--' |. `-._    \  |  /    _.-'_ |
   /       __.`-'___,// ____   `-._ .---. _.-'   | ||
   |  ,---'  __________/    `---._ / /~\.\       |_||
   | (  (| |>__________|======== _ | |O|.|----------|
   |  `---.__    _____ \____.---' _\ \_/ /_      |~||
   \        _`--.__ `\\ ,.    _.-'  `---'  `-._  |_||
    \ __ ,-'       `--._|__.-'     /  |  \     `-._ |
     \\_\\               \ .-\    /   |   \    /-. /
      \\_\\               \ \.`\ /___ | ___\ /'./ /
  _____\\_\\______   _     `._\///_  |||  _\\\/_.'
 | . .            ||| \       `-.__`-'|`-'__.-'
 \________________|||_/            `-----'
          \\_\\
           \___\
%%
This is the Cookie Police. Please desist from using
this program without the proper authorisation.
%%
So Jarvis says "Bend over, and
I'll get started with the fish..."
%%
Volleyball is the most popular sport among nudists.
%%
"Where are your eyebrows, Boris? In a sausage?"

   - David Baddiel, "Mary Whitehouse Experience"
%%
All girl gamers! Get out there and show the lads how to do it!

   - Helen Flynn and her Pal, "Arcane 8"
%%
You seem to print a lot of articles which are aimed at
people who are very stupid...

   - Colin R. Sinclair, "Arcane 8"
%%
All the people
So many people
They all go hand in hand
Hand in hand through their
Parklife.

   - Some Britpop Band.
%%
R U sorted for Es and Wiz?
%%
 Never trust a smiling Wizard.
%%
 - And Harry, what are your hobbies outside summarising?

 - Well, strangling animals, golf and masturbation.
%%
 - Your highness, you are also like a stream of bats piss.

 - What?

 - I merely meant, your majesty, that you shine out like a
   shaft of gold when all around is dark.
%%
 "Every Sperm is sacred,
  Every Sperm is great;
  If a Sperm is wasted,
  God gets quite irate."

 -"Every Sperm is Sacred" song
 from Monty Python's Meaning of Life
%%
 "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough."

  - Keith Allen & Black Grape
%%
 "You were the First Girl at school to get breasts..."

  - Pulp, "Disco 2000"
%%
 Drink! Girls! Arse! Feck!

  - Father Jack, "Father Ted"
%%
 Don't forget your mittens...

  - Mulder, The X-Files, "Ice"
%%
 10 points if you can tell me the difference between:

    - RuneQuest 4th Edition and

    - RuneQuest 5th Edition
%%
 - Are you the Judean People's Front?

 - Fuck Off! We're the People's Front of Judea.

   - "The Life of Brian"
%%
 Nice Video, shame about the song.
%%
 5th September 1992
 On this day, Fritz Leiber died, he of the Grey Mouser and Fafhrd.
%%
 - The leading figure in this film, er......

 - Jesus Christ.

 - Yes, him. He's obviously a lampoon of the Comic Messiah himself.
   Our Lord John Cleese. Even the initials, JC, look...

   - Mel Smith and Rowan Atkinson, "Not the 9 O'Clock News"
%%
 If an egg gets laid only once, then that's one time more than me.
%%
 Rincewind knew what orgasms were, of course, he'd had a few in his time,
 sometimes even in company...

   - "The Light Fantastic" by Terry Pratchett
%%
 Some might have taken him for a mere apprentice enchanter who had run
 away from his master out of defiance, boredom, fear, and a lingering
 taste for hetrosexuality.

   - "The Colour of Magic" by Terry Pratchett
%%
 Did you know that the size of the city of Ware is about ->.
%%
 - This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to
 meet its maker. This is a Late Parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life,
 it rests in peace, if you hadn't nailed it to its perch, it would be
 pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir
 invisible. This is an Ex-Parrot!!

 - I'd better replace it then.

   - John Cleese and Mike Palin were Live at the Hollywood Bowl in 1982.
%%
We were born within an hour of each other,
Our mothers' said we could be sister and brother.
Your name was Deborah,
De-bor-ah!
It never suited ya!
And they said that when we grew up,
We'd get married, and never split up;
Oh, we never did it.
Although I often ... thought of it.
Oh Deborah, do you recall?
Your house was very small,
With wood-chip on the wall,
And when I came round to call,
You didn't notice me at allllllllllll....
And I said:

   - Pulp, "Disco 2000"
%%
Hugh Grant gave Divine Brown a right mouthful...
%%
 I think I complained so much that they gave me a job...

   - Ian Livingstone on how he was employed by Domark.
%%
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Except when it comes to mowing the lawn.
%%
If 10 pc of accidents are caused by dangerous drivers, and another 10 pc
are caused by Drunk drivers, then that means that 80 pc of accidents
are caused by sensible drivers...

   - Jack Dee, "Live"
%%
... And the Fudge Fairy was there. Oh, home-made sweeties, yum, yum.
What? Only 1.50 a bag? Let us into your secret, Fudge Fairy. How do
you manage to make it AND keep a profit??

   - Jack Dee "Live"
%%
 A cheese grater to the scrotum is what Rave Music is to the ear.
%%
 UGLY BLEEDER (Sung to the tune of Inbetweener by Sleeper)

 - Shopping for knickers, got the weekend to get through!
   A nice pair of Y-Fronts and a bubble-perm hairdo!
 - Got a few quid now, we are in clover,
   With a bit of luck to-night, I'll get my leg over!
 - 10 pints and some beer nuts...
 - And a pebble dashed bathroom! Wipe myself down and
   I was back in full bloom!
 - But Lard, you look gormless, we've no chance of snogging,
   You're a physical freak, and you're banter is bobbins!
 - I pulled last night!
 - Yeah, but she dreamt of a fast getawayyyyyy.....
 - I pulled a wench, despite my stench!
 - She had a face just like a welder's bench!
 - Now that's not true, I must argue,
   She's the best that I will ever do.
 - She was nowt special.
 - She looked the part!
 - Lard, she was Dog-Rough!!
 - She had a good heart.
 - I think I told you, right from the start,
   You were just an ugly blee-
   Just an ugly blee-
   Just an ugly bleeder...
%%
Now stay like that, and wait for it to wash over you.
%%
How can heaven hold a place for me
When a girl like you has cast a spell on me?

   -Space, "Female of the Species"
%%
Answers on a postcard, please, to :->
%%
So there I was, naked in her apartment....
%%
"It's Rimmer's mind out there. Expect sickness."

   - Lister, Red Dwarf, Series 5, "Terroform"
%%
You wouldn't let it lie, would you?
%%
It was the most miserable night, that I have ever seen
And the rain came down like something obscene
And we cried in our pint for no reason at all
Except that our lives were shite, and we wanted so much more.

Now hear those guitars' boys singing,
They're singing for you, singing for me.
Now hear those teachers teaching,
They're teaching for you, teaching for me.

   - Gorky's Zygotic Monkey, "Lucy's Hamper"
%%
And we'll all be lonely tonight
And lonely tomorrow.
%%
"DMS archives are really great."

   - A. Twat
%%
And he said:
"You don't need another text editor. Ed is good enough."

- Yeah, I automatically chops the tops off files.
%%
Let's talk about bottoms. I mean, mine's a little beauty...

   - Monty Python's 1995 Calendar (with free extra month)
%%
- You can always tell a drug pusher.

- How's that?

- It's the way they come up to and ask
  if you want any drugs.
%%
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis...?

   - Python Song
%%
The USS Tomahawk prepares to embark on Operation "Butt Kick".
%%
After the first stunking, the juice is left to ferment for
twelve weeks before being thrown away.

   - "A Bit of Fry and Laurie"
%%
This cookie says it all.
%%
And so we say "Farewell, New Zealand - land of contrasts."
%%
Have you been smoking those funny fags again?
%%
Believe it or not, most satellites orbiting the Earth are controlled
by Z80 processors.

   - Wonder if they have rubber keys as well...?
%%
Now Lucy gets out her hamper, and to my surprise, I like what's in ... hers.
%%
You're on my mind
Every day and every night
And you'll never go away
'Cos I know you're here to stay
For the rest of my mind....

   - Super Furry Animals,
     "Something for the Weekend"
%%
First time, I did it for the hell of it,
Stuck it round the back of my tongue 'n then swallowed it...
%%
Now I take out MY hamper, and to her surprise, she likes what's in ... mine.
%%
Hey, love, I'm making it easy....:-D

   - Sleeper, "Nice Guy Eddie"
%%
Oooohhhhh, Matron!
%%
"You are about to enter the fascinating world of the Spectrum..."

   - First Steps with your Spectrum
%%
Dragons: The Lords of Fantasy.
%%
Why is the DM smiling...?
%%
Welcome to Underdark...
%%
Do what Fighters do best...
%%
Magic is power.
%%
Q: About what time and age do elves stop making love?
   What time do they begin?

A: 9:15 P.M., middle age, 9:13 P.M.
%%
Q: What are the effects of a severed limb?

A: None. It just lies there.
%%
Q: Is there a magical chastity belt that can be controlled
   only by the wearer?

A: Having control over your chastity belt rather defeats the
   purpose of it, doesn't it? We reccommend that you use the
   word "NO," spoken firmly and with great conviction.
%%
Master the endless challenge of magic.
%%
Preparation is everything.
%%
These are wild and unforgiving lands.
%%
Halloween: A time to summon friends?
%%
The city never sleeps.
%%
Lose 1D4 sanity points!
%%
 - I'm on a new adventure.

 - Growing a moustache?

 - No. Bigger than that.

 - A beard?!

   - LeChuck's Revenge, "Monkey Island 2"
%%
Tattva!
%%
- Oh Love Muffin!

- Snugglebunny!

   - Guybrush Threepwood & Elaine Marley,
     "The Secret of Monkey Island"
%%
Just plug your Squrrel into your PCMCIA socket and away we go...
%%
I'm really up the junction.
%%
Jarvis, if you're out there, come back to me....
%%
Rent a flat above a shop,
Cut your hair and get a job,
Smoke some fags and play some pool,
Pretend you never went to school.
And still you'll never get it right,
'Cos when you're layin' in bed at night
Watchin' roaches climb up the wall,
If you're cold your jacket can stop it all, yeah!
Never live like common people,
Never do what common people do,
Never fail like common people,
Never watch your life ... slide out of view.
And then dance, and drink, and screw
Because there's nothing else to dooo hooo oooo oooh.

   - Jarvis Cocker & Pulp, "Common People"
%%
This is your Amiga, signing off...
%%
Candy Pop!
%%
No comment.
%%
You're twisting my melon, man. You know you talk
so hip, man, you're twisting my melon, man.

   - Happy Mondays, "Step On"
%%
Verse of the Rings
------------------

Three for the Elven-kings under the sky,
 Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
 One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the shadows lie.
 One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
 One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

   - J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings"
%%
The Old Walking Song
--------------------

Roads go ever ever on,
 Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
 By streams that never find the sea:
Over snow by winter sown,
 And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
 And under mountains in the moon.

Roads go ever ever on
 Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
 Turn at last to home afar,
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
 And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
 And trees and hills they long have known.

   - J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"
%%
The Dwarves Song
----------------

Far over the Misty Mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day,
To seek the pale enchanted gold.

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gleaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems in hilt of sword.

On silver necklaces they strung
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung
The dragon-fire, in twisted wire
They meshed the light of moon and sun.

   - J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"
%%
We love, We love youoooo,
We love, we you.
We love, we love youoooo,
We love, We love you!

   - Helen Love, "We love You"
%%
The Sign of the Weasel is Tunnel on Tunnel,
Enchantment on Enchantment.
He digs beneath himself, and in Digging,
Discovers all roads into nothing.

   - The Calantina, IX:IX
%%
Down the valley,
In the morning,
There is nothing there of interest at all.
Down the Big Town,
In the evening,
There is something of a challenge there for me.

   - Tiger, "Shining in the Woods"
%%
But what have you got in your pocketses, eh?
%%
What the...?
%%
Lets all meet up in the year 2000,
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grow-ho-oh-owwwn,
Be there, 2 O'clock,
By the fountain down the ro-ho-ad.
I never knew that you'd get married,
I would be living down here on my ow-ho-oh-own,
On that damp and lonely
Thursday, years ago-ho.

   - Pulp, "Disco 2000"
%%
Come back here and get what's comin' to ya! I'll bite ya legs off!
%%
 - We're living in a dictatorship, a self-perpetuating autocracy
   where the working classes...

 - There you are, bringing class into it again...

   - Monty Python and the Holy Grail
%%
 - I am Sir Launcelot, the Chaste.

 - I'm Zoot. Just Zoot.
%%
So this is your idea of a good day out, is it?
%%
I live on the 14th floor
Of a Tower Block, and when I get bored,
I call 'coo-ee' to the passers-by
And when they look up, I GOB in their eye!

   - "Gob on You"
%%
Looking for:
Girls who want boys
Who like boys to be girls,
Who dig boys like they're girls,
who dig girls like they're boys,
Always should be someone you really LOVE!!!

   - Blur, "Girls & Boys"
%%
Space Cake!
%%
It's Ten to One in the morning and I can't get to sleep.
Oh, come back to me, love, I promise I won't look at
another indie-band singer again.... ;-D
%%
Famous Last Words
-----------------

Rail travel at high speed is not possible, because passengers,
unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia.

   - Dr Dionysys Lardner
%%
Famous Last Words
-----------------

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...

   - The last words of Gen. John Sedgewick
%%
Rincewind switched to ... Black Oroogu, the language with no nouns
and only one adjective, which is obscene.

   - "The Colour of Magic" by Terry Pratchett
%%
"I adjure and conjure thee against all aggressive acts,
O demon of the pit."

   - Eric talking to a recently conjured `Demon' (Rincewind)
     in "Eric" by Terry Pratchett
%%
Oh, Maybe, maybe it's the clothes we wear,
The tasteless bracelets and the tired-out ha-ai-air.
Maybe it's our koo-ki-ness...

But we're tra-a-ash,
You and me,
We're the litter on the breeze,
We're the lovers on the streets.

Just tra-a-ash,
Me and you.
It's in everything we do.
It's in everything we do-oo-oo-oo-ooh.

   - Suede, "Trash"
%%
Oh, maybe, maybe it's the things we say,
The words we've had and the music we pla-ay-ay,
Maybe it's our cheap-ness...

Or maybe, maybe it's the times we've had
The lazy days and the crazes and the fa-ah-ads
Maybe it's our sweet-ness...

But we're tra-a-ash,
You and me,
We're the litter on the breeze,
We're the lovers on the streets.

Just tra-a-ash,
Me and you.
It's in everything we do.
It's in everything we do-oo-oo-oo-ooh.

   - Suede, "Trash"
%%
"Is that a nose or is it a disease?" ;-D

   - Tasslehoff Burrfoot, "Dragons of Winter Night"
%%
"Do those fleas on your body do tricks?" ;-D

   - Tasslehoff Burrfoot, "Dragons of Winter Night"
%%
She came from Greece, she had a thirst for know-ledge,
She studied sculpture at St Martin's College,
That's where I,
Caught her eye.
She told me that her dad was loaded,
I said "In that case, I'll have a roll and Coca-Cola,"
She said "Fine,"
And in thir-ty sec-onds time, she said:
"I wanna live like common people,
I wanna do what common people do,
I wanna sleep with common people,
I wanna sleep with ... common people like you."
What else ... could I do?
I said "Oh, ... I'll see what I can do..."

   - Pulp (again), "Common People" (again)
%%
Sheeeeee's got a brother,
We don't get on with one another,
But I quite fancy her mother,
And I think that she likes me!

Sheeeeee's got a cousin
In fact she's got a dozen.
And she's got one in the oven.
But it's nothin' to do with me!

   - Oasis, "She's Electric"
%%
A law in Indiana prohibits you from travelling on a bus
within four hours of eating garlic.
%%
Jarvis's Answer-Phone: Mon. July 8th 1996
-----------------------------------------
Hello, this is Jarvis. It's Monday the eighth of July and I'm not in at the
moment, so please leave your name and your number and I'll return your call
as soon as I get back. Thanks.
%%
Jarvis' Answer-Phone: Tues. July 9th 1996
-----------------------------------------
Hello, Jarvis here. I'm out for most of the day today, Tuesday; I'm in the
final of the Pro-Celebrity darts tournament with Alanis Morisette. Please
leave your name and number, and I'll call you back when I get back. Bye,
now...
%%
Jarvis' Answer-Phone: Thurs. July 11th 1996
-------------------------------------------
Look, Lard, I'm not in now; and for you, I'm not in ever, alright? I've been
on to my solicitor and Tony Blair and they're gonna try 'n make stalking
illegal as soon as they can. So do us both a favour, and go and crawl up a
dead bear's armpit, alright? Anyone else, please leave a message.
%%
Jarvis' Answer-Phone: Fri. July 12th 1996
-----------------------------------------
It's Jarvis here, Friday the eleventh and I'm out of town this weekend, thank
God. I'm playing at Tea in the Park tomorrow in Scotland, than I'm off to
stay with me mate Fish, you know, the singer, used to be in Marillion. So,
leave a message. If you want to call me, Fish's phone number is in the Yellow
Pages under `Celebrity'. Bye.
%%
And remember, this album is not available in the shops.

Because it's fucking rubbish.
%%
Hang the DJ, hang the DJ,
Hang the DJ, hang the DJ,
Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ,
Hang the DJ, hang the DJ,
Hang the DJ, hang the DJ,
Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ,
Hang the DJ, hang the DJ,
...

   - The Smiths, "Panic"
%%
 - And I hadn't been with any dirty women...
 - Had you not? What about dirty boys?
 - Well, none of them either...
 - What about dirty animals?
 - Yeah, well... actually, oh, er, no...

   - Jarvis Cocker as interviewed by Mark Radcliffe on Radio One
%%
Pagan female (16), with a tree obsession, seeks kindred spirits...
Nic 01457 873692

 - "arcane 10"
%%
SF prince needs COG to cure my Harano.
17 year-old poet living in a basement.
Call Neil 0181 9836382

 - "arcane 10"
%%
NEC Magic June 96. Big guy in the bar. Missing a basilisk?
Phone 01562 743876 after 4pm.

 - "arcane 10"
%%
Gonad, Dennis, Zakk, the thief, the master, all gone. Cameron is in chains.
Only Billy visits him.

 - "arcane 10"
%%
If you want to see Allen the Snotling again, place 5,000 in used 5 notes
in a bag of holding and leave by the fountain in the Sigil market place.
Kalen, Mad Mage of Silverton.

 - "arcane 10"
%%
This is Ilmar, chaos rises, our forces vanquished, we need your help.
Jack the lad need not apply.

 - "arcane 10"
%%
This is the captain of the USS Bozeman. A warp core breach is imminent.
All hands abandon ship.

 - "arcane 10"
%%
Message to the USS Bozeman: have received your distress signal - you fools!
The Space Pirates are coming. Pray now for you are lost.

 - "arcane 10"
%%
Echo Squad - we know about the white room. We know about the dimension
walking -CIA. - Langley, Virginia.

 - "arcane 9"
%%
The Gift.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweethearts birthday. They had not been
dating very long and, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike
the right note:romantic, but not to personal.
 Accompanied by his sweethearts younger sister, he went to Mark's and bought a pair of white gloves.
The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
 During the wrapping, the assistant mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the
sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and
sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

 "I chose these becasue I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out of an
evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but
she wears short ones which are easier to remove.
 These are a delicate shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for
the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really
smart.
 I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in
contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
 When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be
a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope
you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
%%
Lost! Allen the Snotling. If found, please contact Snade the insignificant on
0800 0000 SNAVE-0000 0000 No! Come back Allen!

 - "arcane 9"
%%
This is a general distress call from the USS Bozeman. We are losing power.
Please respond. Transmission ends.

 - "arcane 9"
%%
Personnel Shuttle Type 7
      _______________              _____________
   ,-' ,-' |_-_| |   `--.         / /         \ \
  /   |    [___] `-------`.      |  `---------'  |
 |  ___\___________________\     |___|_______|___|
 \__\_|_________________/         \__   ___   __/
  (______________<||_)            (__)-'---`-(__)

%%
Shuttlepod Type 15
   __________                          _____
  // _|| _ | `.                       /     \
 //_/  |[_]|   `.                    /|     |\
/______|___|_____\                  /_|_____|_\
\______|___|___,-'                 _\_|_____|_/_
 [_][______][_>                   <_>`-\___/-'<_>

%%
Personnel Shuttle Type 6
   ________                          ___    ___
  /       /----.__                  / .-`--'-. \
 /_______//||[ |_ `-._             / /`-|  |-'\ \
 \_______\`'|    `----\            \/   `--'   \/
 / _________|___------->           <------------>
|_/ |_____/==|| `-.---'           /"\___[__]___/"\
  \_|________||_.-'               \_/ `------' \_/

%%
Cargo Shuttle Type 9
  _______________                      ___________
 / _______  _____`-.__               .'   _____   `.
/ /    ___|||    |  ,-`-._          /  .-'     `-.  \
| |___/    ||_--_|  `-----\         |  `---------'  |
|  ________|________------->        |---------------|
\_/_||_ _|| _||_ ||_`-.---'        /"\____[___]____/"\
  \_||___||__||__||_.-'            \_/ `---------' \_/

%%
Galaxy Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D)

                                      _____
                             __...---'-----`---...__
                        _===============================
   ,----------------._/'      `---..._______...---'
   (_______________||_) . .  ,--'
       /    /.---'         `/
      '--------_- - - - - _/
                `--------'
%%
Galaxy Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D)
                                     _____
                                 _.-'     `-._
                              .-'  ` || || '  `-.
    _______________  _      ,'   \\          //  `.
   /               || \    /'  \   _,-----._   /   \
   |_______________||_/   /  \\  ,' \ | | / `.  //  \
      |    |             _] \   / \  ,---.  / \   // \
      |     \__,--------/\ `   | \  /     \  / |/   - |
      )   ,-'       _,-'  |- |\-._ | .---, |  -|   == |
      || /_____,---' || |_|= ||   `-',--. \|  -| -  ==|
      |:(==========o=====_|- ||     ( O  )||  -| -  --|
      || \~~~~~`---._|| | |= ||  _,-.`--' /|  -| -  ==|
      )   `-.__      `-.  |- |/-'  | `---' |  -|   == |
      |     /  `--------\/ ,   | /  \     /  \ |\   - |
    __|____|_______  _    ] /   \ /  `---'  \ /   \\ /
   |               || \   \  //  `._/ | | \_.'  \\  /
   \_______________||_/    \   /    `-----'    \   /
                            `.  //           \\  ,'
                              `-._   || ||   _,-'
                                  `-._____,-'
%%
Galaxy Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D)
                      ___
         ___....-----'---`-----....___
   =========================================
          ___`---..._______...---'___
         (___)      _|_|_|_      (___)
           \\____.-'_.---._`-.____//
             ~~~~`._ `---' _.'~~~~
                    `-----'
%%
Galaxy Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D)
                                              _____
                                     __...---'-----`---...__
                                 ===============================
                                      `---..._______...---'
                        _----.__
   ,----------------._/'  `--___`-_
   (_______________||_) . .  ,--'
       /    /.---'         `/
      '--------_- - - - - _/
                `--------'
%%
Galaxy Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D)
                                                    _____
                                                _.-'     `-._
                                             .-'  ` || || '  `-.
    _______________  _                     ,'   \\          //  `.
   /               || \                   /'  \   _,-----._   /   \
   |_______________||_/                  /  \\  ,' \ | | / `.  //  \
      |    |             ___            _] \   / \  ,---.  / \   // \
      |     \__,--------/\  `--.        \ `   | \  /     \  / |/   - |
      )   ,-'       _,-'  |/ - \`.       |- |\-._ | .---, |  -|   == |
      || /_____,---' || |_|,--. |_\      |= ||   `-',--. \|  -| -  ==|
      |:(==========o=====_] ~O) |_ )     |- ||     ( O  )||  -| -  --|
      || \~~~~~`---._|| | |`--' | /      |= ||  _,-.`--' /|  -| -  ==|
      )   `-.__      `-.  |\ - /.'       |- |/-'  | `---' |  -|   == |
      |     /  `--------\/__.--'        / ,   | /  \     /  \ |\   - |
    __|____|_______  _                   ] /   \ /  `---'  \ /   \\ /
   |               || \                  \  //  `._/ | | \_.'  \\  /
   \_______________||_/                   \   /    `-----'    \   /
                                           `.  //           \\  ,'
                                             `-._   || ||   _,-'
                                                 `-._____,-'
%%
Galaxy Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D)
                      ___
         ___....-----'---`-----....___
   =========================================
             `---..._______...---'
                     _____
                   /' \_/ `\
          ___      `-_____-'      ___
         (___)      _|_|_|_      (___)
           \\____.-'_.---._`-.____//
             ~~~~`._ `---' _.'~~~~
                    `-----'
%%
Runabout Class (Rio Grande NCC-72452)

   ___.-.--._.--.__                          .-----.
  / __ ____ _______`--.__               __.-'|-----|`-.__
 /_ | \ _||/   ___ `-  ,-`-._          /,--./ _____ \.--,\
|//   /  ][\ __\  \___ `-----\        ||   | /_____\ |   ||
|_---'------`------..________/      ,-""-, |_________| ,-""-,
 |_________________||_)             (____)  `-------'  (____)
%%
Soyuz Class (USS Bozeman NCC-1941)
               _                                          ___
              (8)                                      ==<___)
              _I_                        _-_        ______/_/.
     ____.---'---`---.____    ______.---'---`------'----     |
    _`-_________________-'_   `------.______ .--_  ----'--\-\'
   (8/       `-o-'       \8)           `-- ==>___)`--.__-=<__)
     |        `-'        |                   ___`-------`--_________
    (U)                 (U)                  \_=_\============)____/
%%
Soyuz Class (USS Bozeman NCC-1941)
                                    ___
                                 ==<___)_________________
                           _.-----.(   __             ___\
                        .-'         `.<   ,----------'
                      ,'            / `--<--.
                     /           ---         \
                    |        ,---,/       ____\____
                    |       / ,--/_______/        _|
                    |       |( o  _|_____ (@)  ==<__)
                    |       \ `--\       \_________|
                    |        `---'\           /
                     \           ---         /
                      `.            \ .--<--'
                        `-._       _.'<__ `----------.____
                            `-----'(_____________________/
                                 ==<___)
%%
How can I know what I think until I hear what I say?
%%
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
%%
How will I know if I'm enlightened?
%%
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
%%
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs for the next four weeks.
%%
I.B.M. aren't the competition. They're the environment.
%%
I am not aware that any community has the right to force another to be civilized.
%%
I am not young enough to know everything.
%%
I am, therefore I think. Is this putting Descartes before the horse?
%%
I bet you I could stop gambling.
%%
I can resist everything except temptation.
%%
I couldn't care less about apathy.
%%
I don't make jokes-I just watch the government and report the facts.
%%
I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
%%
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
%%
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
%%
I never met a carbohydrate I didn't like.
%%
I never used to be able to finish anything, but now I
%%
I think sex is better than logic but I can't prove it.
%%
I think, therefore I am. I think.
%%
I think, therefore I'm not an MP.
%%
"I urge you to study our record and vote Labour." : William McMahon.
%%
I used to be conceited but now I'm absolutely perfect.
%%
I used to use cliches all the time but now I avoid them like the plague.
%%
I went to a restaurant that was so expensive that they didn't have prices on
the menu - just little faces with varying expressions of horror.
%%
I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am now.
%%
I wouldn't be paranoid if people didn't pick on me.
%%
I'd be a pessimist, but it wouldn't work anyway.
%%
If a job's worth doing, the Japanese have probably already done it.
%%
If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.
%%
If you laid all the economists in the world end to end they'd never reach a conclusion.
%%
If you never lie, you don't have to remember anything.
%%
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
%%
If you think your wife's jewellery is an investment, try selling a few pieces.
%%
If you want to walk the streets safely at night, carry a projector and the
slides from your last holiday.
%%
If you wish to please people, you must begin by understanding them.
%%
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you must be upside down.
%%
If you're not confused, you're misinformed.
%%
If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
%%
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
%%
Impeccable: having immunity to woodpeckers.
%%
In any organization, everyone rises to the level of his own incompetence.
%%
In defeat he was indomitable, in victory insufferable.
%%
In good software, the simple things should be easy, and the complicated
things should be possible.
%%
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need one.
%%
In six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea and all that in them is -
he was self-employed.
%%
In the beginning was the word.
And the word was "Aardvark".
%%
In the long run we are all dead.
%%
Increased profits mean more work for everyone.
%%
Inflation rates testify to the worldwide popularity of wishful thinking.
%%
Irish cocktail : a pint of Guiness with a potato in it.
%%
Irish seven-course dinner : a boiled potato and a six-pack.
%%
It is better to live rich than to die rich.
%%
It is difficult to win an argument when your opponent is unencumbered with a
knowledge of the facts.
%%
It is flattering some men to endure them.
%%
It is impossible to make things foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
%%
It is now proved beyond all doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes
of statistics.
%%
It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art.
%%
It is true that liberty is precious - so precious it must be rationed.
%%
It must have taken a lot of courage to discover that frog's legs are edible.
%%
It takes two to make a marriage: a girl and her mother.
%%
It was as colourful as a black hole...
%%
It was as dark as the inside of a cabinet minister....
%%
It's better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
%%
It's difficult to explain to a mouse that black cats are lucky.
%%
James Bond rules OOK.
%%
Jargon rules, ongoing agreement situation.
%%
Jesus Saves - but Maradona scored on the rebound.
%%
Join the army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
%%
Join the Hernia Society. It needs your support.
%%
Journalists are born. Why, nobody knows.
%%
Just think - maybe the Joneses are trying to keep up with you.
%%
Keep death off the roads. Drive on the pavement.
%%
Laugh, and the world laughs with you; snore, and you snore alone.
%%
Law may not change the heart; it can restrain the heartless.
%%
Laziness is no good unless it is well carried out.
%%
Legalize telepathy.
    - I knew you were going to say that.
%%
Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.
%%
Letter to a friend from a man in a reducing clinic:
"Help! Send me a file with a cake in it."
%%
Life can be tragic - here today, here tomorrow.
%%
Life is just one damned thing after another.
%%
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
%%
Little strokes fell great oaks.
%%
Little white lies are for golfers.
%%
Living in Melbourne is about as interesting as watching a plank warp.
%%
Living in the lap of luxury isn't bad, except you never know when luxury is
going to stand up.
%%
Living in the past has one thing in its favour - it's cheap.
%%
Loeb's Laws of Medicine:
  (1)   If what you're doing is working, keep doing it.
  (2)   If what you're doing is not working, stop doing it.
  (3)   If you don't know what to do, don't do anything.
  (4)   Above all, never let a surgeon get hold of your patient.
%%
Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies.
%%
Love ceases to be a pleasure when it ceases to be a secret.
%%
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
%%
Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.
%%
Make your M.P. work - don't re-elect him.
%%
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
%%
Many a good man has caught his death of cold getting up in the middle of the
night to go home.
%%
Many men fancy that what they experience they also understand.
- Goethe.
%%
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
%%
Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
%%
If at first you don't succeed,
have you considered becoming a personnel officer?
%%
If at first you don't succeed, so much for sky-diving.
%%
If all the year were playing holidays
To sport would be as tedious as to work.
                            Shakespeare, Henry IV
%%
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what is going on.
%%
If God had meant us to travel economy class, he would have made us narrower.
%%
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
%%
If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
%%
If people looked like their passport photos, very few nations would let them in.
%%
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants outside his trousers?
%%
If the first person who answers the phone can't answer your question,
it's a bureaucracy.
%%
If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand
we'd be so simple we couldn't.
%%
If there was any logic in this world,
it would be men who ride side-saddle, not women.
%%
If there were no clouds, we wouldn't enjoy the sun.
%%
If they give you lined paper, write across 'em.
%%
If they'd had the Underground in Henry VIII's day :
    "Tower Hill return, please. And a single for the wife."
%%
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
%%
If whales are so damned clever why do they keep swimming near Japan?
%%
If you can do joined up, real writing, you too can be a union leader.
%%
If you can't baffle them with brains, befuddle them with bullshit.
%%
If you drop a jam sandwich onto the floor, the probability of it landing
jammy side down is directly proportional to the cost of the floor covering.
%%
If you explain something so clearly that nobody can misunderstand,
somebody will.
%%
If you give a woman an inch she'll park a car in it.
%%
If you keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you don't
understand the problem.
%%
If you keep your mouth shut you'll never put your foot in it.
%%
DY-100 Class (Sleeper Ship)
                                   _
                              ____/_|_+--+        --
                             <________|__|=======|==|
                                      +--+        --
                       _____.
                      / ==  |
                     /      |__.                                   _______
        ,___________/_____.--------._                             |       |
     _--  ----------------|        ||_________________________.---|_______|-.
    `-__  ________________|        ||--------------------------|___.-------._|
        ------------------|________|'                             |       |
                          |        |                              `-------'
                          `--------'
%%
Constitution Class (Enterprise)

                                     _  ___________________________=====____
              __--__                / ||     =<==== NCC-1701 =======       /
___________---______---___________  \_||__________________________________/
\________________________________/           | |
             \______/  \__ .. :  \           | |
               `--'       \_   :  \          | |
                         __-`------`-----____| |
                      \ |||_     .::. :      |_|--_
                      -)=|__ =<=======--      :. |_\
                      / |||           __________---'
                          ------------

%%
Constitution Class (Enterprise)
           _________
       ___---   ..    ---___
     _-                     -_       _  ___________________________=====__
   _/                         \_    / ||                                 /\
  /                             \   \_||_____,-,___________________     _\/
 /                               \           | |                   =====
/                                 |          | |
|              ____      __--------------____|_|
|            ,- __ -. \ |||                    `--_
|            | (__) | -)=|                        _)
|            `-____-' / |||              ______,--
|                          --------------    | |
\                                 |          | |
 \                               /   _  _____| |___________________=====___
  \_                           _/   / ||     `-'                          /\
    \_                       _/     \_||___________________________     __\/
      -___      ..       ___-                                      =====
          ---_________---

%%
Constitution Class (Enterprise)
               __                         __
              /  \        __---__        /  \
            __\__/_____---_______---_____\__/__
            \_________________________________/
                   \\_   \_______/   _//
                     \\_   `---'   _//
                       \\..-|_|-..//
                        `/ .---. \'
                        | |  o  | |
                         \ `-_-' /
                          `-----'
%%
Constitution Class (Enterprise)
             _________
       ___---    o    ---___
     _-                     -_       _  ___________________________=====__
   _/                         \_    / ||                                  \
  /                             \   \_||___________________________     __/
 /                               \           | |                   =====
/                                 \          | |
|              ______             |\-----____| |
|            ,- __   --_          ||         `-'--,
|            |:(__)    _)=========||>           O |)
|            `-______--           ||     ____,-,--'
|                                 |/-----    | |
\                                 /          | |
 \                               /   _  _____|_|___________________=====___
  \_                           _/   / ||                                   \
    \_                       _/     \_||___________________________     __ /
      -___               ___-                                      =====
          ---____o____---
%%
Constitution Class Shuttlecraft (Galileo)
      _____________________________________________________________
     /          _____             __   __       ___  __       ___  \
    /          |  |  |      |\ | |  ` |  ` __ |   / |  | |  /   /   |
   /          |   |   |     | \| |    |       |  /  |  | | /   /    |
  /           |   |   |     `  ' `--' `--'    ' '   `--' '    '     |
 /     ==<===|====|====|========== U.S.S. ENTERPRISE =============  |
<_-----------|---------|--------------------------------------------|
  \__         \       /             \      \            /        /  |
     `------_  \_____/_______________\______\__________/________/__/__
           / ||  ===   ==<============ NCC-1701/7 ======--------  ===/
           \_||___________________________________________________==/
             -===-                                             -===-
%%
Miranda Class (Reliant)
                                         _________
                                        |_=====,_/
                     _=_  _______________/    /_____
           ___/==+++/___=__/              \  /      |
 \=============================| _________/ <__-----'
            ""--===+_____+===--""      \      \__
                     `+'        _________\________\___
                     | ==\ \==========================++/
                     \_________________________________/

%%
Oberth Class (Grissom)
                  _______________________________
                 /                               \
                 \_______________________________|
                 ___/_    ___________    \
             _,-'     `-._ \_        \___ |
           ,'     ___     `. \__________/ |
          /    .-| | |-.    \             |---.___
         |    /`\.---./'\    |  _       _ |---.___`---.___
         |   |`-/     \-'|   |_(O)_    [_]|       \       `-,
         |   |--|     |--|   |_| |_|--- _ |        |         )
         |   |,-\     /-.|   | (O)     [_]|    ___/    ___,-'
         |    \ /`---'\ /    |            |---'___.---'
          \    `-|_|_|-'    / __________  |---'
           `._           _,'_/        __\ |
              `-._____.-' _/_________/    |
                  __\____________________/_______
                 /                               |
                 \_______________________________/

%%
Oberth Class (Grissom)
                 _____
     _     ____,'_____`.____     _
   ,' `. ,'                 `. ,' `.
   |___|_|_______[---]_______|_|___|
   (_________(___________)_________)
    \\          `--_--'          //
     \\                         //
      \\         _____         //
       \\      ,',- -,`,      //
        \\____,_________,____//
         `----|---------|----'
               \`.___,'/
                `-----'
%%
Oberth Class (Grissom)
                 _____
           ____,'_ ___`__________________________
         ,'      ,'                        ______\
         |_______|===_____________________|
             (______(______________________)
                `--_--'|       |   |[___]
                       \ [=====|==[/
                   _____\     |   /__
              _,--'      \    |  /   `-----._____
            ,'____________\__|__/________________`--._________
            `-------------------------------------------------'
             `-._           \ /                 ____,-----'
                 `-----------------------------'

%%
Excelsior Class

     ------------------------------     ________________/~~\_______________
    `------------------------------'   |__/________________________________\
                           |  |           /        /     ~~
                .----------'  `---------~--------/
                 ~----------___                 /
                               ~\             /
                                 `----------~
%%
Shuttlepod

         ________.--------.
       / _   _   .--------.~~-_
      / | | |_   |  ____  |    ~-_
     /  |_|  _|  | |    | |       ~-_
    /            | `----' |          ~-_
   /==NCC-1701-D=|========|======(>)    ~-_
   \~~~~~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~~~~__-'
    \            |        |       __--~~
     \           `--------' __--~~
      |~||~~~~~~~~~~~~~~||~~---__
      |_||______________||__---~~'

%%
Enterprise - A

______________    ______-~-______
\_____________]  [_______________]
          \ \    /  /    ~
        /~~` `~~~~~~:
        ~~~~~-_____-'

%%
Galaxy Class

                                _____.-----._____
                   ___----~~~~~~. ... ..... ... .~~~~~~----___
                =================================================
                   ~~~-----......._____________.......-----~~~
                    (____)          \   |   /          (____)
                      ||           _/   |   \_           ||
                       \\_______--~  //~~~\\  ~--_______//
                        `~~~~---__   \\___//   __---~~~~'
                                  ~~-_______-~~
%%
Constitution Class

     ____________________________                   __-~~-__
    ( ---- =====NCC-1701=== = || )    .----------------------------------.
     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|~~~|~~~~    /____________________________________\
                        |   |         / ...   _-    ~~-__-~~
                        |   |       /  ... _-~
                    ____|   |--------------~--_
                   /           ______________| |/|__
                  |________        ~~~~~~~~~~| |\|~~
                           ~------------------~
%%
Constitution Class
                       /~~\         __-~~~-__         /~~\
                     .-------------------------------------.
                    /_______________________________________\
                            \ \     ~~-___-~~     / /
                              \ \      | |      / /
                                \ \    | |    / /
                                  \ \_-~~~-_/ /
                                    / /~~~\ \
                                   | |  0  | |
                                    \ \___/ /
                                     ~-___-~

                  U S S   E N T E R P R I S E   N C C - 1 7 0 1
%%
          ____ _____      _______
         / __//_  _/ ,/| /____   )
        ( (    / / ,/  |   __ ) /
         \ \  / /,/ _  |  / // /
      ____) )/ //,-' `.| / / \ \
     /_____//_///     ||/_/   \ \_ ______ ______     ______  __   __
                               \_//_  __//___   )   / ____/ / /  / /
                                   / /    __ ) /   / /_    / / /'/'
                                  / /    / // /   / ___|  / //'/'
                                 / /    / / \ \  / /____ / / \ \
                                /_/    /_/   \ \/______//_/   \_\
                                              \/
%%
How can you tell the dance from the dancer?
%%
Unless you expect the unexpected you will never find truth, for it is
hard to discover and hard to attain: Heraclitus
%%
The French for London is Paris: Ionesco
%%
What then in the last resort are the truths of mankind? -- They are the
irrefutable_ errors of mankind: Nietzsche
%%
God is not all-powerful as he cannot build a wall he cannot jump: Pascal
%%
If I am I because you are you, and if you are you because I am I, then I
am not I, and you are not you: Hassidic rabbi
%%
Consciousness is that which it is not, and is not that which it is:
Sartre
%%
If I don't know I don't know, I think I know. If I don't know I know, I
think I don't know: R.D. Laing
%%
If you think you're free, there's no escape possible: Baba Ram Dass
%%
The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else
of the same name: Aldous Huxley
%%
It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been
always otherwise: Dean Lattimer
%%
The word "dog" does not bite: William James
%%
Much that is inexpressible would be hardly worth expression, if one
could express it: Lichtenberg
%%
In Leningrad freezing point is called melting point.
%%
Include me out: Sam Goldwyn
%%
This is the beginning of the end: Talleyrand
%%
Abstainer -- a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
himself a pleasure: Ambrose Bierce
%%
Less is more: Robert Browning
%%
The little I know, I owe to my ignorance: Sacha Guitry
%%
"I'm so glad I don't like asparagus," said the small girl to a
sympathetic friend. "Because if I did, I should have to eat it --and I
can't bear it!": Lewis Carroll
%%
 A young and studious monk went his teacher and said,
"Teach me all about the Buddha nature." His teacher pushed him
on the ground. The next day the student returned to his teacher,
saying, "I am wiser today than yesterday. Teach me about the
Buddha nature." The teacher clobbered him again.
 This went on for days until finally the young student
could stand it no more. He tearfully left the monastery and
went back to his temple at home. There he told the chief monk what
had happened. The chief monk said, "You are really stupid! That
monk was kinder to you than a grandmother!"
 The young student went back to the monastery, and found
his teacher. He threw the teacher on the ground. His teacher got
up and said, "Now I will teach you about the Buddha nature."
%%
 One monk said to the other, "The fish has flopped out
of the net! How will it live?"  The other said, "When you have
gotten out of the net, I'll tell you."
%%
 A monk said to Joshu, "Your stone bridge is widely
renowned, but coming here I find only a heap of rocks."
 Joshu said, "You see only the stones and not the bridge."
The monk said, "What is the bridge?"
Joshu said, "What do you think we are walking on?"
%%
 Some professors asked a monk to lecture to them on
spiritual matters.  The monk ascended a podium, struck it once
with his stick, and descended. The academics were dumb-
founded.  The monk asked them, "Do you understand what I have
told you?"  One professor said, "I do not understand."
 The monk said, "I have concluded my lecture."
%%
 A student said to the chief monk, "Help me to pacify my mind!"
The chief monk said, "Bring your mind over here and I will pacify it."
 The student said, "But I don't know where my mind is!"
 The monk replied, "Then I have already pacified it."
%%
 A monk said to Joshu, "I have just entered this
monastery. Please teach me."
 "Have you eaten your breakfast?" Joshu asked.
 "Yes, I have," replied the student.
 "Then you had better wash your bowl."
%%
 A monk asked Nansen, "Is there any great spiritual
teaching that has not been preached to the people?"
 Nansen said, "There is."
 "What is the truth that has not been taught?"
 "Nothing," Nansen replied.
%%
 A young monk asked his teacher, "What is the true
spiritual nature of life?"
 His teacher picked up a bowl of water and threw it
in the student's face, saying "Go wash out your mouth!"
%%
 If you meet a person on the path, do not greet him
with words or silence.
        How will you greet him?
%%
 A monk, taking a bamboo stick, said to the people,
"If you call this a stick, you fall into the trap of words,
but if you do not call it a stick, you contradict facts.
So what do you call it?"
 At that time a monk in the assembly came forth.
He snatched the stick, broke it in two, and threw the pieces
across the room.
%%
        A monk sat with his three students. He took out his
fan and placed it in front of him, saying, "Without calling
it a fan, tell me what this is."
        The first said, "You couldn't call it a slop-bucket."
The master poked him with his stick.
        The second picked up the fan and fanned himself. He too
was rewarded with the stick.
        The third opened the fan, laid a piece of cake on it,
and served it to his teacher. The teacher said, "Eat your cake."
%%
     The chief monk at the monastery was looking for someone
to replace him. He called the monks together and placed in front
of them a water bottle. He said, "Without calling this a water
bottle, tell me what it is."
     One monk said, "You couldn't call it a block of wood."
     Another poured himself a drink.
     Just then the cook walked into the room and kicked the water
bottle over. The cook was made head of the monastery.
%%
        Two sages were standing on a bridge over a stream.
  One said to the other, "I wish I were a fish.  They are
  so happy."  The other replied, "How do you know whether
  fish are happy or not?  You're not a fish."  The first
  said, "But you're not me, so how do you know whether or
  not I know how fish feel?"
%%
        The student Doko came to a Zen master, and said,
"I am seeking the truth.  In what state of mind should I
train myself, so as to find it?"
        Said the master, "There is no mind, so you cannot put
it in any state.  There is no truth, so you cannot train yourself
for it."
        "If there is no mind to train, and no truth to find, why
do you have these monks gather before you every day to study
Zen and train themselves for this study?"
        "But I haven't an inch of room here," said the
master, "so how could the monks gather? I have no tongue,
so how could I call them together or teach them?"
        "Oh, how can you talk like this?" said Doko.
        "But if I have no tongue to talk to others, how can
I lie to you?"
        Then Doko said sadly, "I cannot follow you.  I cannot
understand you."
        "I cannot understand myself," said the master.
%%
        Joshu asked the teacher Nansen, "What is the True Way?"
        Nansen answered, "Every way is the true Way."
        Joshu asked, "Can I study it?"
        Nansen answered, "The more you study, the further from
the Way."
        Joshu asked, "If I don't study it, how can I know it?"
        Nansen answered, "The Way does not belong to things seen:
nor to things unseen.  It does not belong to things known: nor to
things unknown.  Do not seek it, study it, or name it.  To find
yourself on it, open yourself as wide as the sky."
%%
    A master was asked the question, "What is the Way?" by a
curious monk.
        "It is right before your eyes," said the master.
        "Why do I not see it for myself?"
        "Because you are thinking of yourself."
        "What about you: do you see it?"
        "So long as you see double, saying 'I don't,' and
    'you do,' and so on, your eyes are clouded," said the
     master.
        "When there is neither 'I' nor 'you,' can one see it?"
        "When there is neither 'I' nor 'you,' who is the one
    that wants to see it?"
%%
����������H�T�H�8+��H�طp���H� KH�/�/�/�/� �"�"Ja��$Oﷷ +���ge&(�!�%s�� rge
������then he ��������������oo�������[�got�

        g����𺣤
- Cookie read  error ... Trying to read the rest of this cookie...

in the swimming pool.

 And that must be the funniest cookie _EVER_ !!!
%%
God knows what the above cookie will end up looking like when its outputted.

%%
        Has a dog a Buddha-nature?
        This is the most serious question of all.
        If you say 'yes' or 'no'
        You lose your own Buddha-nature.
%%
        A wandering monk saw on his travels a gigantic old oak
tree standing in front of the door of a monastery.  Under it sat
the chief monk.  The traveler called out to him, "This is a useless
tree!  If you wanted to make a ship, it would soon rot.  If you
wanted to make tools, they would soon break.  You can't do anything
useful with this tree, and that's why it has become so old."
        The chief monk replied, "Keep your mouth shut! What do
you know about it?  You compare this tree to your cultivated trees;
your orange, pear and apple trees, and all others that bear fruit.
Even before they can ripen their fruit, people attack and violate
them.  Their branches are broken, their wings are torn.  Their
own gifts bring harm to them, and they cannot live out their
natural span.  If this tree had been useful in any way, would it
have ever reached this size?  You useless mortal man, what do you
know about useless trees?"
%%
   Two monks went fishing in an electron river.  The
   first monk drew out his network, and out flopped a hacker.
   The second monk cried, "The poor hacker! How can it live
   outside of the network?"  The first monk said, "When you
   have learned to live outside the network, then you will know."
%%
   What is the vector which is orthogonal to itself?
%%
A recent study has found that concentrating on difficult off-screen
objects, such as the faces of loved ones, causes eye strain in computer
scientists.  Researchers into the phenomenon cite the added concentration
needed to "make sense" of such unnatural three dimensional objects...
%%
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum --
"I think that I think, therefore I think that I am."
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be allowed to do the job.
                                -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
"I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem."
                                -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
"You must realize that the computer has it in for you.  The irrefutable
proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do."
%%
Everyone can be taught to sculpt:  Michelangelo would have had to be
taught how not to.  So it is with the great programmers.
%%
Everyting should be built top-down, except the first time.
%%
"If you have to hate, hate gently"
%%
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
        Saw a man come along
        And, unless I'm quite wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.
%%
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
I am not I, I'm a tree."
        But another, more sane,
        Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
And covered his pants leg with pee.
%%
A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance."
        She let herself go
        For an hour or so
And now all her sisters are aunts.
%%
A team playing baseball in Dallas
Called the umpire blind out of malice.
        While this worthy had fits
        The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
%%
A widow who fancied a man some
Was diddled three times in a hansome.
        When she clamored for more
        Her young man became sore
And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."
%%
A worried young man from Stamboul
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
        Said the doctor, a cynic,
        "Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"
%%
A proper business man met a beautiful chorus girl, who agreed to spend the
night with him for a fee of $500. When he was ready to leave, he told her he
did not have the cash with him, but he would have his secretary mail her a 
check calling it, "Rent for Apartment." On his way to the office he decided
that the whole thing was not worth the price he had agreed to pay, so he 
decided to send her a check for $250.00 for rent of her apartment, along
with a note: 
                     I was under the impression that: 
                     1. It had never been occupied 
                     2. There would be plenty of heat 
                     3. It was a small apartment 
  
                   Last night I found it had been occupied
                   and there was not any heat; also, it was
                   entirely too large. 
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 
with the following note: 
                   Dear Sir: 
                     1. I can not understand how you expected
                        such a beautiful apartment to remain
                        unoccupied. 
                     2. As for the heat, there is plenty of it -
                        if only you knew how to turn it on. 
                     3. As for the size of it, it was not my 
                        fault you didn't have enough furniture
                        to fill my apartment. 
%%
A preacher stopped at the butcher shop one afternoon to get some meat for 
the evening meal. He said to the butcher, "May I have a pound of ham, 
please." The butcher said, "OK, Reverend, a pound of Dam Ham." The preacher
became upset and questioned the butcher as to why a church going man would
speak to a man of the cloth like that. The butcher said, "I'm sorry Reverend,
you misunderstood. That is the name of the product, 'Dam Ham.'" With that,
appologies were made and off the preacher went.
  
When he got home, the preacher said, "I'm home dear - and I brought the Dam
Ham." She looked at him like he had gone crazy, but he explained that was
the name of the ham.
  
At dinner that evening, the family gathered at the table and heads were
bowed for the blessing. Upon the word 'Amen,' all looked up and the preacher
said, "Well dear, how about passing me some of that Dam Ham." With that, 
Junior, who had not eaten all day, said, "And how about passing some of them 
fucking potatoes?"
%%
Q: How many Teamsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Fifteen; you got a problem with that?
%%
Q: When will I have light?
A: When we're damn good and ready!
%%
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None of your fucking business.
%%
A guy opened up a new bar, but he couldn't think of a name for it, so one
of his friends suggested that he name the bar after the first lady to walk 
in. "Good idea," replied the proud owner. Later that day a young lady, wear-
ing a small, tight mini-skirt that revealed velvety, tanned legs, walked
in and applied for a job as a cocktail waitress. The owner said she had a 
job if she would let him name the bar after her. And so it was that the bar
became known as 'Judith's Legs.' A few weeks later two bums were loitering
outside the bar. A cop came by and asked the bums what they were doing.
One of the bums relied, "I'm waiting for 'Judith's Legs' to open so I can
get a drink ..."
%%
Q: What's worse than a guitar string breaking in the middle of a tune?
A: Having an organ go flat on you in the middle of a piece.
%%
One day, a man from Tennessee  was pulled over for speeding. While the 
officer was writing a citation, he noticed the makings of a moonshine still 
in the back seat. As he slapped the cuffs on the driver, the cop recited, 
"You're under arrest for a Section 1301 - Posession of Moonshine Equipment."
"Wail hail," drawled the driver, "ya'll might as well arrest me foh rape -
Ah got all thuh right equipment foh thut too!"
%%
During Jesus' crucifixion, a mob of angry people gathered at the base of the 
hill that his cross sat on top of. The guards kept all of them back, includ-
ing his disciples. Jesus raised his head up and called "John! John! come to 
me!" John fought his way bravely through the angry mob and almost reached 
the top of the hill when the guards caught him and hurled him back down. As
John lay on the earth, Jesus again called out to him, "John! Come to me!"
John bravely fought his way into the mob, up the hill and past the guards -
almost reaching the base of the cross. The guards again caught him and hurled
him back into the mob. "John! Come to me John! Come to me," Jesus cried. This
time nothing would stop him; John pushed his way through the crowd, fought 
off the guards, and reached the cross that his Master was on. Then he 
kneeled, "It is I Lord, John, what is it you wish?" Jesus looked at him 
and smiled, "Look John, Look! I can see your house from up here!"
%%
One day a guy was sitting on a bus next to an old lady who was filling out
a crossword puzzle. Just when he thought the trip was getting boring when the 
old lady leaned over and asked, "Excuse me, but can you help me with this
puzzle?" "Why sure," said the guy, "What do you need help with?" "I'm look-
ing for a word that describes what's on the bottom of a bird cage and ends
with 'it'," said the old lady. "That's easy, 'grit'," answered the guy. 
"Oh, I see," said the old lady, "Can I borrow your eraser for a second?"
%%
One day three school boys were discussing which way you enter heaven first. 
The first boy said, "You enter with your hands first because you're praying
to God as you go up." The second one argued, "No, no. You enter with your 
head first because you're thinking about God and God is in your mind." The
third one retorted, "No, no, no. You enter with your feet first." Puzzled,
the other two boys inquired, "Feet first? How do you figure that?" To which
the boy replied, "Well, the other morning I walked in on mommy and daddy, 
and mommy had her feet way up in the air as she was screaming, 'Oh God, I'm
coming!'" 
%%
A barber nicked a customer rather badly while giving him a shave. Hoping to
make amends, the barber asked, "Do you want your head wrapped in a towel?"
"No thanks," replied the customer.  "I'll carry it home under my arm!"
%%
The golfer hit the ball and it slammed into a tree and came right back at
him. He doubled up in pain and as he was moaning and moaning a foursome of
nurses came by. One of the nurses ran over to him and said, "Here, let me 
help you!" The golfer was so embarrassed that he protested he would be
alright soon. The nurse said, "But I know just what to do to help you stop
hurting." So she had him lie down and she proceeded to undo his belt and 
zip down his pants. She took his penis in her hand and began to rub it and
after a little while she said, "There now. Doesn't that feel better?" The
golfer replied, "Yes, but my finger still hurts like hell!"
%%
Q: How many drunken Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 101 - One to hold it and 100 to drink till the room spins around.
%%
A young couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they
undressed for bed, the husband who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his pants
to his bride and said, "Here, put these on". She put them on, but the waist
was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's
right," said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the
pants in this family!" With that, she flipped him her panties and said, "Try
these on." He tried them on but found that he could only get them on as far
as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants." She said, 
"That's right, and that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude
changes ..."
%%
A man got drunk one night, went home and crawled into bed with his wife. 
Lying in bed, he let out a fart. "What the hell was that," his wife asked.
"I'm playing football," he said, "The score is 6-0." His wife thought 
(Okay, you smart ass. I'll show you) and she let loose a fart of her own.
"I'm playing too," she said. "The score's 6-6 now." The man laughed and 
tried to work up a real blaster but, to his dismay, he shit in the bed
instead. "Halftime," he said. "We change sides."
%%
The fireman told his wife, "From now on we're going to do things right - by
the bells, like we do it at the firehouse. When I ring one bell, you meet me
at the door with a kiss. Two bells means you head for the bedroom. Three
bells means you undress. Four bells means you jump into bed and do what 
women do best." Things go according to plan, except the wife picked up the 
bell while they were in the sack one night and rang it five times. "What 
the hell does that mean," the fireman asked. The wife replied, "That means
reel out more hose, you aren't close enough to the fire."
%%
                        THE BIRTH OF A CANDY BAR 
 
One PAYDAY, MR. PEANUT wanted a BIT O'HONEY, so he took MARY JANE behind 
the POWERHOUSE on the corner of CLARK and FIFTH AVE. He began to feel her 
MOUNDS. It was pure ALMOND JOY. It made her TOOTSIE ROLL.  He let out a 
SNICKER as his BUTTERFINGER went up her JUICYFRUIT and caused a MILKY WAY.
She screamed "OH HENRY!" as she squeezed his PETER PAUL and ZAGNUTS. MARY
JANE said, "You are even better than the THREE MUSKETEERS." Soon she was a
bit CHUNKY and nine months later had a BABY RUTH. 
%%
Last year a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out
he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a 
twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit. When he was being examined
the doctor shoved the muffin, the twinkie, and finally the cookie up the 
guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it 
was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several weeks and every
time the doctor shoved a muffin, a twinkie and a cookie up his ass. Finally,
after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a 
twinkie and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the 
doctor shoved only the muffin and the twinkie up the patient's ass. After a
few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's
my cookie!?"

WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
%%
Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by 
dressing exactly alike.
%%
A pair of martians landed on a country road on Earth in the middle of the
night. "Where are we?" one martian asked. "I think we're in a cemetary," 
replied the other, "Look at the gravestone over there - that man lived to
be 108." "What's his name?" "Miles from Omaha."
%%
"Oh, what a lovely cow!" exclaimed the young woman from the city. "But why
doesn't it have any horns?" "There are many reasons," said the farmer. "Some
cows don't have them until later in life. Others have them removed, while
other breeds are born without them. This cow doesn't have any horns because
it's a horse."
%%
Q. Whats the -height- of nerve?
A. Shitting on someone's doorstep, then ringing the bell and asking for
   toilet paper.
%%
There was a pod of whales in the water. One whale spotted a boat. He said
to his buddy, "That's the boat that killed Moby Dick!" "You know," said the
other whale, "I know how we can get back at them ... All we do is swim down
deep and come up under them and give them a good blow of water!" So the 
whales went deep down into the water, came up under the ship, and gave a 
good blow. The ship went up in the air and came crashing down - making the
sailors fall into the water. The first whale said to the second, "Now we can
eat the sailors!" The second whale replied, "Look, I don't mind giving a good
blow, but I refuse to eat sea men!"
%%
Speaking of Dan Quayle, did you hear about the tragedy in Washington the
other day? There was a power failure and poor VP Quayle was stuck on an
escalator for over two hours.
%%
There once was a man who had a very well developed liking for beans (green
beans, wax beans, kidney beans, limas - it didn't matter which, he liked 
them all). He would go out of his way to get a good bowl of beans. There
came a day, however, when he had to forsake his beloved beans for his only
other love - the girl he was to marry. He did without his beans for several
years. Then, one day, which happened to be his birthday, he was walking home
from work when he passed a small roadside cafe which was having a special 
on ... baked beans! "Since it's my birthday," he thought, "I deserve a 
special present. I'll have enough time to get rid of the after effects 
before I get home, so I'll treat myself to a steaming bowl of those beans!"
So he went in and had bowl, after bowl, after bowl of them. He then pro-
ceeded to lay a noxious vapor trail all the way home. When he arrived at 
home, his wife met him outside the door with a blindfold, saying, "I don't
want you to see your surprise." After blindfolding him, she led him into
the dining room, seated him at the table and left, saying, "I have to get
the rest of your surprise." While she was gone, he felt the urge to get 
rid of some of the tremendous pressure that was building up, so he lifted
one leg to get some relief. He didn't get enough leverage, so he lifted 
the other leg, and proceeded to rip a prolonged, and very wet, fart. Soon
he heard his wife returning, so he straightened his pants legs, waved the
air, and settled himself. When his wife returned, she removed his blind-
fold to reveal a melted birthday cake and his friends passed out around
the table.
%%
Q: What's he smartest kind of bee?
A: A spelling bee.
%%
Q: What kind of bugs live on the moon?
A: Luna ticks.
%%
The sign in front of a New Hampshire church proclaimed, "If you're tired of
sin, come in." Underneath it someone had scrawled in lipstick, "If you're
not, call Marie at 624-8971."
%%
Two rich young women, Tina and Buffy, were watching a TV show about the 
French Revolution. "There's one thing that puzzles me," Buffy said, "If 
they were so poor, how could they afford all of that antique furniture?"
%%
Q: Why is the gun on welfare?
A: It got fired.
%%
Q: Where do young cows eat?
A: At the Calf-eteria.
%%
Q: Where do cows go after they get married?
A: On a honey-moo.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
%%
A bum walked into a bar and sat down next to a drunk who was studying some-
thing in his hand. The bum leaned closer as the drunk held the object up to
the light. "Well, it looks like plastic," the drunk said. Then he rolled it
around in his fingers and added, "And it feels like rubber." Curious, the 
bum asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk shook his head. "Damned if 
I know. It looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The bum said, "Let 
me take a look." He examined it, rolled it between his fingers and said, 
"Yeah, you're right. It does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I
don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" The drunk replied, "Out of 
my nose."                                          
%%
She was so fat and ugly that she got on the scale and a card came out 
reading, "One at a time!"
%%
Q: What do you call a lawyer that is sitting on the grass?
A: Fertilizer.
%%
Two clams named Sam and Thelma Clam were basking in the surf, when a dune
buggy ran over them and killed them both. So they went up to Clam Heaven 
and St. Peter Clam said, "Thelma you've been a good clam so here's your
wings, and a harp, and you can go into Heaven, but Sam, you've been a bad
clam: drinkin, carousing, carryin on, and hanging out with squids and lob-
sters, so you have to go to Hell!" Well Sam , being industrious went down
below and opened up a Clam Discotheque. Was doing very well thank you - 
lots of young clams etc. After a couple of months, Thelma started to get
lonely. She approached St. Peter Clam and asked if she could visit Sam. 
Pete replied, "Okay, but be sure to take your Harp, that's kinda your 
passport back and forth - and make sure you come back in a week!" So 
Thelma spent a week with Sam at his discotheque. They had a great time,
partying all night long. When she arrived back at the pearly gates, she
was greeted by St. Peter Clam who said, "Thelma, you look terrible - 
you're all tired, your halo is crooked and where's your harp? She replied,
"Oh, No! I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco ..."
%%
A missionary in a remote jungle outpost found himself face to face with a 
ferocious lion. Knowing he was doomed for certain, he kneeled down and said
his prayers. To his astonishment, the lion too kneeled quietly. "Praise God!
This is a miracle!" the joyous missionary shouted. "Quiet!" growled the lion,
"I'm saying grace ..."
%%
The elderly woman accidentally dropped her handkerchief as she put some
coins into the beggar's cup. He gallantly stooped to pick it up. "Why you're
not blind!" she exclaimed. "No," he said, "I'm working for my brother. It's 
his day off."
%%
I wish people would make up their minds. Every time I ask what time it is, 
I get a different answer.
%%
Years ago, when he was managing the last-place New York Mets, Casey Stengel
was approached by an excited scout. "Listen, I just saw a guy who struck out
27 batters. No one even hit the ball until there was two out in the ninth, 
and he only hit a foul. Should I sign the pitcher?" "Forget the pitcher," 
Casey replied, "Get the guy who hit the foul! We need hitters ..."
%%
A woman seated at the movies was surprised to find, sitting in the two 
adjacent seats, a man with his arm around a sheep dog. All through the 
movie, she noticed the dog watching the picture with apparent understanding
- snarling when the villain appeared, yelping happily at the funny parts. At
the end of the movie, she tapped the man on the shoulder. "I just can't get
over how much your dog enjoyed the movie," she said. "It surprises me too,"
the man answered, "He absolutely despised the book."
%%
The man at the bar casually leaned over and asked a woman passing by, 
"Excuse me, miss, do you have the time?" "What?" she said loudly, "How dare
you proposition me!" Noticing that every eye in the place turned toward him,
the man mumbled, "I just asked the time, miss." "I WILL CALL THE POLICE IF 
YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD!" she shrieked, even louder this time. Mortally 
embarrassed, the man slunk off to a corner of the bar. A few minutes later,
the young woman approached him with an apology. "You'll have to excuse me,"
she said. "I'm writing a doctoral thesis on the response of human beings to
sudden shocking statements." The man looked at her curiously, then said in 
his loudest voice, "YOU'LL DO ALL THAT, ALL NIGHT, FOR JUST TEN DOLLARS?"
%%
Three college students shared an apartment. Every night one of the guys 
would go out and get drunk, come home at 2:00 AM, and puke in the kitchen
sink. The other two guys were getting plenty upset so they decided to play
a joke on him. They went to the butcher shop and asked for 2 pounds of 
chicken guts. After the guy went out they poured the chicken guts in the
sink. That night, the third guy comes in precisely at 2:00 AM and starts
puking in the sink. After a few moments everything was quite. About an 
hour later they heard the guy going to bed. The next morning he told the 
other two guys what had happened: "I gotta quit drinking. This morning I 
came in and puked my guts out. It took me an hour to get 'em all back in 
again."
%%
One day a lady was inside of an elevator and she had to fart really bad. She
thought to herself, 'What am I going to do if someone comes in and smells it.
I'm going to be so embarrassed.' Then she thought, 'If I spray this can of 
pine air freshener no one will ever know what I did.' So she farted and one
floor later a biker stepped in and the lady said, "What does it smell like 
in here?" The biker replied, "It smells like someone shit a Christmas tree." 
%%
On this farm there used to be a cat and a rooster, but the rooster and the
cat didn't get along very well. The cat was nosey about where the rooster 
went everyday, but the rooster wouldn't tell him anything at all and this
made the cat mad. So one day the cat decided to follow the rooster to see
where it was he went everyday. He followed the rooster to a stream where
the rooster would jump across, but the cat was afraid of falling in. This
went on about a week and then the one day the rooster saw the cat follow 
him and stop at the stream, too afraid to cross over. The rooster started
jumping back and fourth across the stream teasing the cat because he was 
afraid to jump over. This made the cat very mad and he decided if the 
rooster could do it then so could he. The cat got a running start and 
jumped, but landed in the middle of the stream where he drowned. The 
moral of this story is that for every happy cock there is a wet pussy.
%%
There men died and went to hell. Satan met them at the gates and said, "All
three of you weren't bad enough to go straight to Hell, so you get another 
chance. If you can tell me something I can't do you can go to Heaven." The 
first man said, "Make a car made of solid gold that runs on gasoline."
Satan did and the man went into Hell. The second man said, "Make a house 
of solid silver." Satan did and the guy went into Hell. The last man was 
a biker and he was laughing. Satan said, "How can you laugh when you are 
at the gates of hell?" The biker stopped laughing, farted, and said, "Catch 
it."
%%
One day Joe came hobbling in the club house with a 7 iron wrapped around his
neck. Of course everyone was curious as to what happened to poor ol' Joe.
Sam asked, "What happened to you?" In a raspy whisper, Joe told this tale 
of woe:  
%%
     I was teeing off on the 5th hole and I shagged my ball out into 
     this field of cows. I went over the fence and was looking for my 
     ball when this lady on the 12th tee shagged her ball into this
     same field. So we're both looking for our balls when I happened
     to see this one cow acting a little different than the rest. I 
     went over and raised its tail and damned if there wasn't a golf 
     ball stuck in its asshole. So I hollered at the lady, "Hey lady,
     does this look like yours?"
%%
       ___    _    /  \    _   ___
      /   \__/ \__/----\__/ \_/   \
     |           |0 0              |
     \         _|     __         /
      \_______/ |     | \_______/
               /     _/\
            __/    _/| |           |||
           /) (o _/___| |____      |___|
           \    / /          \       /
            \__/ |           |\_____/
                 |WHATSAMATTA|
                 |    U      |
%%
Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after a large meal. 
"Your wife makes a delicious roast," one chief said. "Thanks," his friend 
said. "I'm gonna miss her."
%%
Have You heard about the new cereal that's advertised a lot on TV, called
"Nut 'N' Honey"? Well, the same company is now marketing a similar new 
cereal, aimed for the inner-city residents. It's called "Nut 'N' Bitch!"
%%
There were these three old guys sitting around at a rest home, discussing 
their health. The first guy, 70 years old, said, "I just wish I was still 
able to take a good piss." The second guy, 80 years old, said, "Yeah, me 
too, but more than anything, I wish I could still take a good shit." The 
third old codger, at 90 years of age, said, "I take a good piss every morn-
ing about 7:30. Then, about 9:20, I take a good shit. I just wish I could
wake up earlier than eleven ..."
%%
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  
A: Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
%%
Q: What's the difference between meat and fish?
A: If you beat your fish, your fish will die.
%%
A doctor was taking a group of interns on rounds at a hospital. All of a 
sudden, another intern came racing down the corridor, shouting "Quick, doc-
tor, give me a pen!" The doctor reached into his pocket and handed the intern
something. The intern looked at the object and said, "Doctor, this isn't a 
pen. It's a rectal thermometer." The doctor looked at the thermometer and 
exclaimed, "Dammit, some asshole has my pen!"
%%
One day a kid came home and yelled, "Ma, Ma, I had sex for the first time 
today!" The mother was outraged and sent the kid upstairs to his room. When
the father got home, the mother explained the situation, whereupon the 
father marched staright up the stairs to his son's room. "I Hear you had 
sex, son." said the father in a stern voice. "Yeah ..." "Way to go! Now 
you're a man! I'm proud of you son." The next day at work the father told
the guys at work about his 'improved' son. That night he came home from 
work and again went to his son's room. "So, son, did you have sex again 
today?" "No Dad; my asshole is still sore from yesterday ..."
%%
There were three couples who wanted to be members of a church: an elderly 
couple, a middle-aged couple and a newlywed couple. The preacher said, 
"To become members you have to abstain from sex for one whole month."  
All three couples agreed and arranged to return in one month. After the 
month had passed, the preacher asked each couple how well they had done. 
The elderly couple reported they had succeded with little difficulty. The
middle-aged couple said it was challenging, but that they had also succeded.
Then the preacher asked the newlyweds how they had done. The husband said, 
"Well, the first two weeks were o.k., the third week was really challenging,
but during the fourth week my wife bent over to get a can of vegtables and 
I just lost all control." The preacher said, "Well, then, I'm sorry to say 
that you can't become members of our church."  To which the husband replied,
"That's o.k., they won't let us back in the grocery store either." 
%%
If Iraq attacked Turkey from the rear, would Greece help?
%%
One day an old man and his wife were sitting in the waiting room of the old 
man's urologist. The nurse stepped in, holding three specimen jars in her 
hand. She said "Mr. Johnson, we're going to need a urine sample, a semen 
sample and a stool sample." Fiddling with the volume control on his hearing 
aid, Mr. Johnson asked his wife, "WHAT DID SHE SAY, MARTHA?" "They want 
your shorts, dear."
%%
One afternoon a man was walking along a farm road with his daughter, when 
they came upon two sheep. The two sheep were in the process of mating and 
the father, noticing his daughters interest, quickly explained that the 
sheep on top had hurt his two front hooves and the other sheep was helping 
him get back to the barn. His daughter turned around, and smiled at her dad,
and said, "Isn't it funny that when you help someone, they almost always 
screw you in the end?"
%%
A woman wanted to have a baby, so she asked a guy to have sex with her. Just
as they were about to commence, she asked, "What are we going to call our 
baby?" The guy left, saying, "I don't want no kid!" So she invited another 
man over. The same thing happened The third time, she decided not to tell 
the man she wanted to get pregnant until after the act was over. After he 
came, she asked, "What are we going to call our baby?" The man stood up, 
pulled off the condom, tied it in a knot, threw it up against the wall and 
said, "If he gets out of that, we'll call him `Superman.'"  
%%
One day Adam was in the Garden of Eden when God came over to him and said,
"I made something for you. What I made for you will do anything you say, 
fix your meals and give you indescribable pleasure. It will take care of
you always and it will never give you any trouble." Adam thought a moment
and said, "What does it cost me?" God said, "Just an arm and a leg." Adam
said "Sorry, but that's too steep for me. What can I get for a rib?"  
%%
Once upon a time there was a mathematician who found an equation for GOD. It
was, of course, a very complicated equation but, she figured, all she had to
do was find a computer system which (1) had a large enough memory to store 
all the necessary variables, and (2) was fast enough to gather all the infor-
mation together. Once this was accomplished, all the mysteries of the Uni-
verse could be solved. So the government took every available micro-
processor, linker, loader, assembler and anything else they had available, 
put them all together and asked the computer: "Is there a God?" Unfortu-
nately, however, the computer's response was that it would take, at the 
very least, a century or two to solve the problem. This wasn't good enough
for the bureaucrats in Washington who, for the first time in their lives 
wanted something other than the status quo. So they decided to follow that
up by taking every single computer in the entire nation and, linking them 
all together into one giant, ever-so-much-bigger, super-computer, asked 
once again, "Is there a God?" Well, this time the computer said that it 
would take only ten years to solve the equation  Not as bad, but still not
quick enough to satisfy all the eager philosophers and scientists. "Some-
thing more must be done!" they shouted. By this time the whole world was 
beginning to pay attention to the project and everone wanted to get 
involved. After much debate, the United Nations decided to build the com-
puter and discover if there really was a God. So they took every computer
system in the world and linked them all together into one single amazing 
super-duper-computer - the likes of which had never, EVER, been seen 
before! Once again the scientists asked, "Is there a God?" The response?

"THERE IS NOW!"
%%
If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will take out a three 
year lease with an option to buy. If you tell the Navy to secure a building, 
they will turn out the lights and lock the door. If you tell the Army to 
secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a 
pass. If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault it with 
heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call in an air strike.
%%
Great way to answer the telephone:

"Hello, Incontinence Clinic. Please hold ..."
%%
A boy came home from school one day and went up to Dad. "Pop, I've gotta 
write a paper on the difference between theory and fact. Can you help me?"
"Why sure son. Go and ask your mom if she would sleep with old Mr. Johnson 
next door for half-a-million dollars." The son was puzzled at this, but went 
and asked mom anyway. He walked back in the room a short time later and said 
"Yeah, mom would do that." "Go and ask your sister the same question." said 
the father. Junior ran up the stairs, asked Sis, and came thundering down 
the stairs. "She said she would also." "Okay son, here's the difference: In
theory, we're millionaires. But, in fact, we're living with a couple of 
sluts."
%%
A man entered a tattoo parlor on the lower west side and wanted to get a 
tattoo. "What can I do for you?" asked the tattoo artist. "Well," the man 
replied, "I want a $100 dollar bill tattooed on my wang." "I've never had 
that request before. Do you mind if I ask why?" "Well, I really like to 
watch my money grow. I also love to play with my money. And, I'll tell you 
what, my wife can blow a hundred dollar bill better than anyone I've ever 
met!"  
%%
Dirty Ernie got a duck for his birthday. He took it for walks every day 
and enjoyed having a pet. One day, Sleezy Suzy saw him walking the duck, 
and said, "Hey, I like your duck. Will you give it to me if we go into the
bushes and fool around?" Dirty Ernie agreed, and off they went. When they 
finished, Dirty Ernie said, "Hey, if you'll give me my duck back, we can 
do that again." So they fooled around in the bushes some more. Unfortu-
nately, about this time a big truck came barreling down the street. The 
truck driver saw the duck in the road, and slammed on his brakes - but no 
luck - he ran right over it. The driver told Dirty Ernie, "Hey kid, I'm 
sorry about your duck. Here's a dollar to pay for it." Later, when Dirty
Ernie finally got home, his dad asked him how his day was. Dirty Ernie 
said, "Not bad, Dad. I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and a 
buck for a fucked-up duck."
%%
There once was a business executive who decided he needed a little rest from
the daily routine, so he decided to take his pretty, young secretary to a 
hotel for some whoopee. He rented a very nice, quiet room and they spent 
the day drinking, going to bed, having lunch, drinking some more, back to 
bed again, etc. Finally 5 o'clock came and they had to go their separate 
ways. On the way home, he was thinking about what excuse he could tell his 
wife if she was in the mood for having a 'party' tonight. He drove up the 
driveway of his home and sure enough, there was his wife at the door, all 
arrayed in a pretty gown and negligee, with pipe, slippers and cool drinks.
She led him into the house, with all the sweetness she possessed, to his 
favorite armchair. He thought, "God I hope that this doesn't build up to 
something." They sat back and relaxed, sipping their drinks and talking. 
Suddenly, she said that she had forgotten something in the bedroom, got 
up and said she would be right back. He thought, "Oh Lord, here it comes." 
As soon as she had left the room he jumped up, unzipped his trousers, pulled
out 'Jasper' and started to bend it and whip it around trying to get some 
life into it, but nothing happened - it did not help a bit. He heard her 
returning so he stuffed 'Jasper' back into his trousers, zipped them up, 
sat down and sighed. They continued their conversation, then she asked him
if he would care for another drink, and he replied that he would, so off 
she went to the kitchen to fix it. He jumped up immediately, opening his 
pants again, out with 'Jasper', up and down, around and around, back and 
forth - all this with much more vigor than before - but to no avail. He 
decided he would just have to tell her that he was too tired for the fun 
and games tonight. She returned with their drinks, sat down and said, 
"Dear, I've a most wonderful surprise for you, and I know that you will 
be perfectly delighted." He thought, "Sure I will." Then aloud, "Well, 
what is it?" She answered sweetly, and with a sly smile, "Guess what, 
we're on Totally Hidden Video!" 
%%
Once upon a time, a newlywed couple were on their honeymoon in the Bahamas. 
One day, while sun-bathing, the husband got a bad case of sunburn on his 
dick. In terrible pain, he went back to their room to seek some relief. He 
opened up the frige and found a bottle of milk. He poured a glass and soaked
his irritated cock within. As he was standing there, his wife walked in,
looked at him, and said, "So that's how it's done! I've always wondered
how you guys filled that thing up."
%%
An old man went into a bar in Wyoming. After having a few drinks he started 
staring at a heavyset, long-haired, bearded biker. After a few minutes the 
biker got pissed off, went over to the old man, and asked him why he kept 
staring at him. The old man replied, "I just finished doing twenty-five 
years in prison for screwing a buffalo. I just thought you might be my son."
%%
An office manager learned that, due to increased operating costs and slumping
sales, he would have to let one of his employees go. After much thought he 
narrowed his choices down to two employees: Liz and Jack. Both were equal in 
seniority and both were good workers, so the manager decided that he would 
watch the two at work the next day and the first one to leave their desk was 
the one who would be let go. When they arrived in the morning, both Liz and 
Jack got right to work, and the manager began to wonder if his plan would 
work. About mid-morning, however, Liz got up from her desk and asked Jack 
for some aspirin. The manager had his victim. He caught up with Liz at the 
water fountain: "I'm afraid I have a dilemma here," he said. "I'm going to 
have to lay you or Jack off." "Well then, jack off," Liz snapped. "I've got 
a headache!"
%%
He hated to mend, so young Ned
Called in a cute neighbor instead.
        Her husband said, "Vi,
        When you stitched up his torn fly,
Did you have to bite off the thread?"
%%
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the bust of his madam,
        He chuckled with mirth,
        For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
%%
Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
"My favorite sport is coitus."
        But a fullback from State
        Made her period late,
And now she has athlete's fetus
%%
Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
        "Try as hard as I can,
        I can't find a man
That it's fun to be virtuous with."
%%
There once was a couple named Kelley,
Who lived their life belly to belly.
        Because in their haste
        They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
%%
There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
        A virgin named Joan
        From a bible belt home,
Said "This won't be much of a sin."
%%
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
        So he built him some chicks
        Of silicon chips
And hasn't been heard from since then.
%%
There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
        Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
        I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
%%
There was a bluestocking in Florence
Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
        Till a Spanish grandee,
        Got her off with his knee,
And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
%%
There was a gay countess of Bray,
And you may think it odd when I say,
        That in spite of high station,
        Rank and education,
She always spelled cunt with a "k".
%%
There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
        There was never a sound
        For miles around
Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
%%
There was a young lady from Maine
Who claimed she had men on her brain.
        But you knew from the view,
        As her abdomen grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
%%
There was a young lady named Clair
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
        At least so I thought
        Till I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin losing air.
%%
There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
        The dress caught on fire
        And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section, and all.
%%
There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
        She said to her beau
        "Just look at me Joe
I think I've discovered one more way."
%%
There was a young man from Bel-Aire
Who was screwing his girl on the stair,
        But the banister broke
        So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air.
%%
There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born,
        And he wouldn't have been
        If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.
%%
There was an old man of the port
Whose prick was remarkably short.
        When he got into bed,
        The old woman said,
"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
%%
There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
        He fell on his cutlass
        Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
%%
 ``It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is
sure to find out next morning it was someone else.'' --
Rogers
%%
 ``If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.'' --
Chekhov
%%
 ``The most happy marriage I can picture would be the
union of a deaf man to a blind woman.'' -- Coleridge
%%
 ``Were it not for iagination, sir, a man would be as
happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess.'' --
Dr. Johnson
%%
 ``If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not
beautiful.'' -- Haskins
%%
 ``A man does not look behind the door unless he has
stood there himself.'' -- Du Bois
%%
 ``A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of
the house.'' -- Moliere

%%
 ``Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a
confusion of the real with the ideal never goes
unpunished.'' -- Goethe
%%
 ``In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.''
-- Butler
%%
 ``A woman may very well form a friendship with a man,
but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little
physical antipathy.'' -- Nietzsche
%%
    ________________ _     _____      _______________        ________   ___
  ,' ________   ___// \    \  __`-.  /___   ___/\  __`-.   ,' ___/\ /  ,' /
 |  `-.__    | |   / . \   | |,',-'      | |    | |,',-'  | ,'___ | |,',-'
  `-.___ `,  | |  / /_\ \  |  _ `-,      | |    |  _ `-,  |  ___/ |  _ `-,
  ______\  \ | | / _____ \ | | `-. \_    | |    | | `-. \_| `.___ | | `-. \_
 /_________| /_|/_/     \_\|_\   /__/    /_\    |_\   /__/ `.____||_\   /__/
%%

%%
             ____ _____ ___     ____      _____ ____    _____ _ ___
            / __//____//__ \   /__  \    /____//__  \  /____//_X__/
           ( (    __   __| |   ___) /     __   ___) / ____  ___
            \ \  / / ,/,/| |  /   _/     / /  /   _/ / __/ / _ \
         ____) )/ /,/ /__| | / /\ \     / /  / /\ \ / /__ / / \ \
        /_____//_//________|/_/ /_/    /_/  /_/ /_//____//_/   \_\

  ___      _          _    ___     __   _       _  _  __  ___    __
   |  |_| |_    |\ | |_ \/  |     | _  |_ |\ | |_ |_)   |  |  | |  | |\ |
   |  | | |_    | \| |_ /\  |     |__| |_ | \| |_ | \ /_|  |  | |__| | \|

%%
      ^
    _' `_
 .-~'   `~-.
(  ' __. `  )
 `-''___``-'
   `     '
%%
Klingon D-7 Class Attack Cruiser

               ,_o_,
              =======
      _____----(_o_)----_____
     /    `-------------'    \
    ['                       `]

    ______
    |_____\_____          _O__                  ___
    \-----------\________======                /===\
     |    ______/        \____)                \ o /
    / *  /                                      \_/
  __\____\__                                     |
 }__________}                                    |
                                           ______|______
                                          /\           /\
                                     ..  /  \  _____  /  \  ..
                                     ||\/    \ |___| /    \/||
                                     ||*  ____\_____/____  *||
                                     ||\_/               \_/||
%%

    __-,                               ___ _________
 __(__)|___                    _______/   |________|
`----------|_______________---/       `----_____|___
 (      ___+-----------------<---------_____________-----_
  `-----                      `-----------'      |  +---_/
                                            ____/__/___/_____
                                           |   ======        ||
                                           |_________________||
%%
                 //-n-\\
         _____---=======---_____
     ====____\   /.. ..\   /____====
   //         ---\__O__/---         \\
   \_\                             /_/

    __                             __
   / /                             \ \
   \\         ___/~~O~~\___         //
     ====____/   \.. ../   \____====
         -----___=======___-----
                 \\-u-//
%%
                 //-v-\\
         _____---=======---_____
     ====____\   /.. ..\   /____====
   //         ---\__O__/---         \\
   \_\                             /_/
%%
Klingon Bird of Prey scout vessel
           __
         /|
        / \
        \  \
        }]::)==-{)
        /  /
        \ /
         \|__
%%
Klingon D-7M Cruiser
                                     _
                                   _|_|_
                                 ^/ . ..\^
                             ___[=========]___
                  ___-==++""" .  /. . .  \ .  """++==-___
            __-+"" __\   .. . .  | ..  . |  . .  .   /__ ""+-__
           /\__+-""   `-----=====\_ <O> _/=====-----'   ""-+__/\
         _/_/                      ""=""                      \_\_
        /_/                                                     \_\
       //                                                         \\
      /")                                                         ("\
      \o\                                                         /o/
       \_)                                                       (_/
%%
Vor'cha-class Attack Cruiser

              ._____.
              I_____I
              __/_\__
       ____--=__/H\__=--____
  .====___\  (__I_I__)  /___====.
 //        -----="=-----        \\
(_)                             (_)
%%
                 ______
              _-' .   .`-_
          |/ /  .. . '   .\ \|
         |/ /            ..\ \|
       \|/ |: .   ._|_ .. . | \|/
        \/ |   _|_ .| . .:  | \/
       \ / |.   |  .  .    .| \ /
        \||| .  . .  _|_   .|||/
       \__| \  . :.  .|.  ./ |__/
         __| \_  .    .. _/ |__
          __|  `-______-'  |__
             -,____  ____,-
               ---'  `---
      UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS
%%
We made this cookie file:
Duncan Strand: I compiled all the cookies here (but I didn't write most of them). Visit my web site at:
               www.geocities.com/televisioncity/5744 or visit my other web site at:
			   www.geocities.com/enchantedforest/8132 You can email me at dstrand@geocities.com and on
			   the rare occasion that I'm on IRC I'll either be zebedee or zebs
Simon Osborne: I wrote some of the cookies.

Thanks to:
      The Hackers dictionary
	  Aarbron (see my 2nd web site)
%%
27.10.96
Passed the 3500 cookies mark!
%%
3.11.96
Passed the 4000 cookies mark!
%%
12.6.97
Passed the 5000 cookies mark!
%%
31.10.97
Passed 7000 cookies!
%%
10.11.97
Passed 95000 cookies!
%%
98459 Fortunes, so far.
%%